,,the ,,trials ,,of ,a ,,country ,,parson ,,by ,,augustus ,,jessopp1 ,d4,d4 ,,author ,,of 8,,one ,,generation ,,of ,a ,,norfolk ,,house10 8,,history ,,of ,,the ,,diocese ,,of ,,norwich10 c41 c4 ,london ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin ,,paternoster ,,square ,,mdcccxc ,illustration ,,by ,,the ,,same ,,author4 ,,arcady3 ,,for ,,better ,,for ,,worse4 ,fourth ,edition4 ,cloth1 #cs4 #f;d4 8,a volume which is1 to our minds1 one of the most delightful ever published in ,english40--,spectator4 ,the ,,coming of the ,,friars1 ,,and ,,other ,,medi,,val ,,sketches4 ,fourth ,edition4 ,cloth1 #gs4 #f;d4 8,the book is one to be read and enjoyed from its title-page to its finish40--,morning ,post4 ,,london3 ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin1 ,,paternoster ,,square1 ,e4,c4 ,preface4 ,in a volume which ,i published three years ago#a ,i attempted to give a faithful picture of the habits and ways of thinking1 the superstitions1 prejudices and grounds for discontent1 the grievances and the trials1 of the country folk among whom my lot was cast and among whom it was my duty and my privilege to live as a country clergyman4 ,i was surprised1 and not a little pained1 to hear from many who read my book that the impression produced upon them was exactly the reverse of that which ,i had desired to convey4 ,on returning to a country village after long residence in a large town1 ,i found things greatly changed1 of course2 but ,i found that1 though the country folk had not shared in the general progress which had been going on in the condition of the urban population1 they still retained some of their sturdy virtues1 still had some love for their homes1 still clung to some of their old prejudices which reflected their attachment to their birthplace1 and that if they were inclined to surrender themselves to the leadership of blatant demagogues1 and to dwell upon some real or imagined wrongs coarsely exaggerated by itinerant agitators with their living to get by speechifying1 it was not because there was no cause for discontent4 ,the rustics were right when they followed their instincts and these told them that their lot might be easily--so very easily--made much happier than it is1 if philanthropists would only give themselves a fair chance1 set themselves patiently to study facts before committing themselves to crude theories1 try to make themselves really conversant with the conditions which they vaguely desire to ameliorate1 go to work in the right way and learn to take things by the right handles4 ,the circumstances under which ,i commenced residence in my country parish were1 unhappily1 not conducive to my forming a favourable judgment of my people4 ,i was at starting brought face to face with the worst side of their characters4 ,they were and had for long been in bad hands2 they had surrendered themselves to the guidance of those who had gone very far towards demoralizing them4 ,i could not be blind to the faults--the vices if you will--which were only too apparent4 ,i could not but grieve at the altered tone which was observable in their language and their manners1 since the days when ,i had been a country curate twenty years before4 ,but while ,i lamented the noticeable deterioration and the fact that the rustics were less cordial1 less courteous1 less generous1 less loving1 and1 therefore1 less happy than they had been1 ,i gradually got to see that the surface may be ruffled and yet the inner nature beneath that surface may have some depths unaffected by the turmoil4 ,the charity which hopeth all things suggested that it was the time to work and wait4 ,it was not long before ,i learnt to feel something more than mere interest in my people4 ,i learnt to love them4 ,i learnt-- ,to see a good in evil1 and a hope ,in ill success2 to sympathize1 be proud ,of their half-reasons1 faint aspirings1 dim ,struggles for truth1 their poorest fallacies1 ,their prejudice1 and fears1 and cares1 and doubts1 ,which all touch upon nobleness1 despite ,their error1 all tend upwardly though weak1 ,like plants in mines which never see the sun1 ,but dream of him1 and guess where he may be1 ,and do their best to climb and get at him4 ,i was shocked when friendly critics told me ,i had drawn a melancholy picture1 and that to live in such a community1 and with surroundings such as ,i had described1 must be depressing1 almost degrading1 for any man of culture and refinement4 ,the essays which follow in this volume were written as a kind of protest against any such view of the case4 ,i think the two volumes--this and my former one--should in fairness be read each as the complement of the other4 ,in 8,arcady0 ,i have drawn1 as best ,i could1 the picture of the life of the rustics around me4 ,in this volume ,i have sketched the life of a country parson trying to do his best to elevate those among whom he has been called to exercise his ministry4 ,i hold that any clergyman in a country parish who aims exclusively at being a ,religious ,teacher will miss his aim4 ,he must be more1 or he will fail to be that4 ,he must be a social power in his parish1 and he ought to try1 at any rate1 to be an intellectual force also4 ,it is because ,i am strongly convinced of this that ,i have brought so much into prominence the daily intercourse which ,i have enjoyed with my people on the footing of a mere friendly neighbour4 ,i cannot think that ,i have any right at all to lift the veil from those private communings with penitents who are agonized by ghastly memories1 with poor weaklings torturing themselves with religious difficulties1 or at the bedside of the sick and dying4 ,these seem to me to be most sacred confidences which we are bound to conceal from others as if they had been entrusted to us under a sacramental obligation of impenetrable silence4 ,we all have our share of miserable experiences of this kind4 ,we have no right to talk of them2 they never can become common property without some one alive or dead being betrayed4 ,in the single instance in which ,i may seem to have departed from this principle1 it was the expressed wish of the poor woman whose sad story ,i told that others should learn the circumstances of the case which ,i made public4 ,it may be thought1 perhaps1 that my surroundings have something peculiar in them4 ,but1 ,no6 they are of the ordinary type4 ,for two centuries or so ,east ,anglia was indeed greatly cut off from union and sympathy with the rest of ,england1 and was a kingdom apart4 ,the result has been that there are certain characteristics which distinguish the ,norfolk character1 and some of them are not pleasing4 ,these are survivals1 and they present some difficulties to him who is not an ,east ,anglian born1 when he is first brought face to face with them4 ,but in the main we are all pretty much alike1 and let a man be placed where he may1 he will be sure to find something new in the situation1 and almost as sure to make some mistakes at starting4 ,i do not believe that a man of average ability1 who is really in earnest in his desire to do the best he can for his people1 and who throws himself heartily into his work1 will find one place worse than another4 ,let him resolve to find his joy in the performance of his duty according to his light1 and the joy will come4 ,so far from repining at my own lot1 ,i have found it--,i do find it--a very happy one2 and if ,i have dwelt on the country parson's trials1 ,i have done so in no petty and querulous spirit as if ,i had anything to complain of which others had not--this ,i should disdain to do--but rather as protesting that they press upon my brethren equally as upon myself1 and that1 such as they are1 some must be1 some need not be1 some ought not to be4 ,as for the worries and annoyances1 the 8trials0 which are inseparable from our position1 it is the part of a wise man to make the best of them1 and to put as good a face upon them as he can4 ,but with regard to such matters as ought not to be and need not be1 it behoves us all to look about us to discover if possible some remedy for the remediable1 to find out the root and source of any evil which is a real evil1 to lift up our voices against an abuse which has grown or is growing to be intolerable1 and by no means to acquiesce in the continuance of that which is obviously working to the serious prejudice of the community4 ,while every other class is crying out for ,reform and getting it by simply raising the cry1 it is a reproach upon us clergy--and ,i fear we deserve the reproach--that we are a great deal too ready to submit to the continuance of scandals and abuses rather than face the risks which any change is likely to bring upon our order4 ,in no other profession is a man more certain to be regarded as a dangerous character1 wanting in loyalty and wanting in humility1 who is even suspected of a desire to improve upon the arrangements which have existed since time was young1 or of advocating measures which would interfere with the order of procedure that was good enough for our grandfathers1 and therefore must be good enough for ourselves4 ,it really seems to be the belief of some among us that our ,constitution in ,church or ,state never grew at all1 but chrystalized into its present form1 and dropped from heaven in perfect panoply like ,minerva from the head of ,jove4 ,to point a finger at the texture of the awful peplos1 and to hint that it was woven in the looms of this world1 is to bring upon oneself the charge of impiety4 ,and yet these men are wrong4 ,organic bodies grow because they are alive2 when they cease to grow and are no longer capable of adapting themselves to the changes that are going on around them1 they die4 ,nothing can prolong their life4 ,if you cramp and fetter a living thing by swathing it round about with iron bands that may force it to keep exactly the form it presented a thousand years ago--then you will kill it4 ,it is only a question of time when your slaying process will prove successful4 ,as for the other method of 8letting things slide10 that is1 if possible1 more foolish than the other1 and certainly more cowardly4 ,what can be baser than the craven whine1 8,it will last our time08 ,an institution which has lasted through a long line of centuries1 and which will only last our time1 may be approaching dissolution from lack of inherent vitality1 but it may also be in peril because of the despairing supineness of its pledged defenders4 ,i have lifted up my voice against one relic of the past which is most certainly doomed because it has been allowed to exist a great deal too long already2 it is a survival which ,i am deeply convinced is answerable for much of the corruption that hurts us1 much of the offence taken and given1 much of the laxity and very much of the deplorable want of discipline existing among us4 ,the legal status of the beneficed clergy1 in virtue of which they are freeholders for life in their several benefices1 does not quite stand alone4 ,the ,parish ,clerk1 too1 has a freehold in his benefice1 and1 after formal admission to it1 he may retain it without fear of being turned out of it as long as the breath remains in his body4 ,these freeholds in an office have been swept away in every other department of the public service1 though they died hard and cost a good deal to abolish4 ,the buying and selling of 8places0 and reversions or next presentations to them was as common in the ,state as in the ,church not so very long ago4 ,the odious system was swept away for ever by the simple expedient of making every public servant removable at pleasure for negligence1 misconduct1 inefficiency1 or even less4 ,it is only among the holders of ecclesiastical preferment that the old abomination survives4 ,because it survives1 other things survive too which ought not to be tolerated4 ,the first and foremost of these is the open sale of the right to present a clerk in orders to a cure of souls4 ,but that is the least mischievous consequence of the present system being retained4 ,there are other consequences which are far more serious4 ,among them is the almost entire want of movement and change1 in the lives of the country clergy2 the absence of fresh interests and of the invigorating stimulus of a new career1 however humble1 with new associations to give a zest to the performance1 it may be1 of the old duties1 but discharged now among those who do not know all that you have to say1 and are not yet tired of the sound of your voice1 or at any rate thinking they would like to hear another4 ,the rule in our country parishes is that where a man is set down at first1 there he dies at last4 ,exchange of benefices is1 ,i admit1 more common than it used to be1 partly because the benefices themselves are less valuable and less jealously kept in the patrons' hands than they were2 but even now exchanges are not often made and are not 8negotiated0 without some difficulty4 ,to begin with1 before two clergymen can change their cures1 however much they may themselves be agreed1 it is necessary that the consent of two patrons and two bishops should be obtained as a preliminary2 and this is not always to be got for the asking4 ,if a patron has bestowed preferment upon a clergyman with whose ministrations he is contented and something more1 he is not too willing to part with him4 ,if he has been so unfortunate as to have given the living to the wrong man1 there may be very good reasons why he should not choose to be a party to such a transaction as would result in passing on a clerical scamp or incompetent from one cure to another4 ,but in any case it by no means follows that1 because ,i have presented a parson to a cure of souls1 ,i should therefore give him the next presentation too1 if he happens to be tired of his cure and anxious to go elsewhere4 ,the result is that1 as a rule1 a beneficed clergyman1 when once he finds himself1 irremovable1 in his cure1 gives up all thought of leaving it4 ,it is 8a certainty10 and gradually he gets to look for nothing better2 he goes through his duties as best he can1 however mournfully conscious that he has lost the old fire and force and efficiency2 he takes comfort in the thought that he has worked his parish while he could1 and that he is entitled to take it easily now2 and1 indeed1 in the eyes of those about him1 he grows more and more picturesque and venerable1 just as the old church tower does--but it is not safe to ring the bells up there when so much restoration is wanted4 ,i have dealt with this subject in some detail in the ,fourth ,paper in this volume4 ,at the time it appeared1 the public mind was much occupied with and disturbed by certain political questions then in the ascendant1 and the essay fell dead1 attracted little or no attention and1 in fact1 was read by few4 ,it often happens that a book proves an utter failure by being published at the wrong time--a month too soon or a month too late4 ,the favour of the reading public is very capricious1 not always awarded to the most deserving1 sometimes given with a kind of fury of acclamation to a lucky literary adventurer whose reputation 8rushes up like the rocket and comes down like the stick40 ,moreover the essay laboured under one rather serious defect1 which ,i have not yet set myself to remedy by appending an almost necessary supplement4 ,for it may be asked1 and it has indeed been objected1 8,if every beneficed clergyman were to hold his appointment subject to removal1 ought not some provision to be made for his retirement in old age or when physically or mentally unfit for the discharge of his sacred functions80 ,yes6 ,by all means4 ,but why only the beneficed clergy8 ,why not all who are admitted to the sacred office8 ,surely it would not be difficult to elaborate a scheme whereby every officiating clergyman should be compelled to make provision for his family1 or for his own retirement1 by the simple expedient of stopping a certain percentage of his income and investing it in his name--much in the same way that the ,clive fund is managed in ,india1 or as the compulsory insurance of railway servants is enforced by some of the great companies4 ,until something of this sort is carried out1 we shall continue to be pained by those distressing appeals for clergymen's families reduced to beggary by the death of the bread-winner1 which come to us all with increasing frequency1 and which1 as matters now look1 are not likely to be fewer in the near future4 ,this however1 is only a part1 and ,i venture to think not quite a vital part1 of the other question1 which as a great national question appears to me of much greater importance4 ,that question may be put in very few words4 ,is it for the advantage of the ,church or the nation that the incomes of the clergy should continue to be assured to them by a different tenure from that which prevails in the case of all other public servants--a tenure which in the latter case was proved to be working prejudicially to the interests of the community at large1 and which it was found absolutely necessary to abolish8 ,it is easy to raise a cry against any one who dares to ask such a question as this by denouncing him as an ,erastian4 ,but our clerical incomes are one thing1 our sacred functions and office are another4 ,all the ,parliaments in the world can never admit me or any one else to ,holy ,orders3 but there is nothing to prevent a rich man from endowing any church or chapel with an income to be enjoyed by the parson of that church only under certain conditions or for a certain limited time4 ,people seem to think that it is of the very essence of an endowment that the income derived from it should belong to the man who is once admitted to enjoy it as long as he lives and chooses to draw the pay4 ,if by anything ,i have written1 or could write1 ,i could exercise any influence in the direction of leading thoughtful men to give their serious attention to this subject and to discuss it earnestly1 ,i should have very little doubt about the result1 and ,i should feel that ,i had not lived in vain4 ,very closely allied with this question is another which is forcing itself upon us all with increasing urgency every month4 ,when we begin to ask ourselves and one another to whom do our ,village ,churches belong8 ,who is bound to keep them from falling into ruin8 ,who has the right to sell the lead off the roof1 or the books in the ancient ,parish ,library1 or the bells in the steeple1 or the very brasses in the pavement8--and all these things have been done and nobody been called to account--when1 ,i say1 we begin to ask these things and press for an answer1 we may well be dismayed by the suspicion of how anomalous our position is4 ,the ,society for the ,preservation of ,ancient ,buildings has been doing good work for us2 it deserves more support than it has received1 and needs many more subscribers before its influence can be brought to bear upon the ignorance and ,vandalism1 and right down rascality too1 with which it so often finds itself in conflict4 ,but the work of this society1 as things are1 can never be anything but palliative at the utmost4 ,a local ,philistine with a long purse and no more conscience or sentiment than a gorilla1 may do almost what he pleases4 ,it is dreadful to think what might be perpetrated in our country churches with impunity1 and what would be perpetrated too1 if only the true state of the case were known4 ,here1 too1 there is need for the reform of the law4 ,who do the churches belong to8 ,who are responsible for their protection from outrage and destruction8 ,there are some country parishes where with a very little manipulation the inhabitants in ,vestry assembled might be induced to vote anything2 even to the using superfluous seats for boarding up all the windows on the north side to make themselves snug withal4 ,what is to prevent their doing it8 ,who is to bell the cat8 ,the ,fifth ,paper in this volume may not at first sight appear to have anything to do with a ,country ,parson's 8trials02 and yet it has4 ,there are some people who are never tired of declaiming against the uselessness of our ,cathedral buildings4 ,more than once ,i have been put upon the defensive when railers have lifted up their voices especially against the waste of space which might be turned to good account in our own glorious ,east ,anglian ,cathedral4 ,when they whose chief amusement in life it is to find fault are on the look out for something to rail at1 they will never be without an excuse for indulging in their amiable pastime4 ,that there are many spaces which might1 with great advantage1 be made available for worthy purposes in most of our cathedrals1 must be apparent to any one who thinks about the matter4 ,the question is1 what are worthy purposes1 and how may those vacant spaces be best turned to account without sacrificing the dignity of those majestic buildings and their surroundings1 and without vulgarising them by introducing associations out of harmony with the traditions that belong to them and1 the sentiment of reverence that they arouse8 ,who that has seen the ,cathedral ,library at ,ely1 could doubt whether it is in the right place or no8 ,or who that knows anything of what has been doing of late among the ,archives of ,canterbury or ,lincoln1 can help wishing that such work were doing elsewhere8 ,but why should not our cathedrals become the great storehouses for all our ancient muniments1 in which they might find the protection they deserve and the intelligent supervision which might render them accessible to students of our history8 ,little need be said to justify the appearance of the ,sixth ,paper in a volume which professes to treat of a ,country ,parson's 8trials40 ,i hope ,i have made it appear that even such a trial as this is bearable--nay6 that it is one of those which may even become a very delightful trial indeed to those who have some resources in themselves1 and whose occupations and tastes are such as to make them habitually regret that the winter days are so short1 and sometimes even half complain because the summer sunshine brings such irresistible temptations to be idle4 ,is it true that we poor country parsons have our trials8 ,then do not grudge us such comfort as we can find in being snowed up in ,arcady4 ,the last ,essay in the volume may be taken as a hint that among other trials which a ,country ,parson has to bear is the necessity of acquiescing in certain unsatisfied yearnings4 ,that sounds so very heroic now that ,i have written it1 that ,i am inclined to be rather proud of my own resignation4 ,all my life ,i have had a hankering to pay a visit to the ,united ,states of ,america4 ,there was a time when ,i could have afforded the expense of such a trip1 but ,i could not then afford to give the time4 ,now with an annually decreasing income the way is open1 but the means are not forthcoming4 ,but as ,i think of too many of my brethren who every day of their lives are sadly put to it to keep the wolf from the door and find it difficult to provide even the bare necessaries of life1 not to speak of those comforts and simple indulgences which it is so hard to miss when old age and its infirmities have set in--the contrast between their lot and my own comes home to me almost with a sense of self-reproach4 ,let them whose sterner trials are so much more hard to bear than mine1 forgive the irony of one who grumbles that he is too poor to cross the ,atlantic on a new voyage of discovery--as though that were a serious deprivation and a proof of his being only one step from indigence4 ,let them do him the justice to believe that he himself is not insensible to the pathos that lurks in the background of his own lament4 ,,contents4 ,,chap4 ,,page ,i4 ,,the ,,trials ,,of ,a ,,country ,,parson #a ,,ii4 ,,the ,,trials ,,of ,a ,,country ,,parson 7continued7 #di ,,iii4 ,,the ,,church ,,and ,,the ,,villages #ig ,,iv4 ,,quis ,,custodiet #adc ,note #agf ,v4 ,,cathedral ,,space ,,for ,,neglected ,,records #ahj ,,vi4 ,,snowed ,,up ,,in ,,arcady #bbc ,note #bfd ,,vii4 ,,why ,i ,,wish ,,to ,,visit ,,america #bgj ,the first six essays have1 in the main1 appeared in the 8,nineteenth ,century30 the seventh first saw the light in the 8,north ,american ,review40 ,i4 ,,the ,,trials ,,of ,a ,,country ,,parson4 ,my friends from ,babylon the great are very good to me in the summer-time4 ,they come in a delightful stream from their thousand luxuries1 their great social gatherings1 their brilliant talk1 and their cheering and stimulating surroundings2 they come from all the excitement and the whirl of ,london or some other huge city where men live1 and they make their friendly sojourn with us here in the wilderness even for a week at a time4 ,they come in a generous and self-denying spirit to console and condole with the man whom they pity so gracefully--the poor country parson 8relegated10 as ,bishop ,stubbs is pleased to express it1 8to the comparative uselessness of literary 7and clerical7 retirement40 ,i observe that the first question my good friends ask is invariably this3 8,what shall we do and where shall we go--to-morrow80 ,it would be absurd to suppose that any man in his senses comes to the wilderness to stay there1 or that there could be anything to do there4 ,a man goes to a place to see1 not the place itself1 but some other place4 ,when you find yourself in the wilderness you may use any spot in it as a point of departure1 but as a dwelling-place1 a resting-place1 never6 ,moreover1 ,i observe that1 by the help of such means of locomotion as we have at command1 the days pass merrily enough with my visitors in fine weather4 ,but as sure as ever the rain comes1 so surely do my friends receive important letters calling them back1 much to their distress and disappointment4 ,if the weather be very bad--obstinately bad--or if a horse falls lame and cannot be replaced1 or some equally crushing disaster keeps us all confined to the house and garden1 my visitors invariably receive a telegram which summons them home instantly even at the cost of having to send for a fly to the nearest market town4 ,sometimes1 by a rare coincidence1 a kindly being drops in upon us even in the winter4 ,he is always genial1 cordial1 and a great refreshment1 but he never stays a second night4 ,we keep him warm1 we allow a liberal use of 8the shameful10 we give him meat and drink of the best1 we flatter him1 we coddle him1 we talk and draw him out1 we 8show him things10 but he never stays over that single night2 and when he goes1 as he shakes our hands and wraps himself up in his rugs and furs1 ,i notice that he has a sort of conflate expression upon his countenance2 his face is as a hybrid flower where two beauties blend4 ,one eye says plainly1 8,i am a lucky dog1 for ,i am going away at last10 and the other eye1 beaming with kindliness1 sometimes with affection1 says just as plainly1 8,poor old boy1 how ,i do pity you60 ,well6 this is a pitiful age2 that is1 it is an age very full of pity4 ,the ingenuity shown by some good people in finding out new objects of commiseration is truly admirable4 ,it is hardly to be expected that the country parson should escape the general appetite for shedding tears over real or supposed sufferers4 ,but it strikes some of us poor forlorn ones as not a little curious that our grand town friends never by any chance seem to see what there is in our lot that is really pathetic or trying4 8,how often do you give it meat80 said a blushing1 mild-eyed1 lank-haired young worthy in my hearing the other day4 8,lawk6 sir1 that don't have no meat10 answered the laughing mother1 as she hugged her tiny baby closer to her bosom4 8,never have meat8 ,how dreadful60 ,just so6 ,but it is not only ludicrous1 it is annoying1 to be pitied for the wrong thing2 and though ,i am not inclined to maintain the thesis that we1 the soldiers of ,god's army of occupation1 who are doing outpost duty1 pass our lives in a whirl of tumultuous and delicious joy1 yet1 if ,i am to be pitied1 do let me be pitied intelligently4 ,i cannot expect to be envied1 but surely it is not such a very heavy calamity for a man never to catch a sight of ,truth or ,the ,world1 or to find that there is not such a thing as an oyster-knife in his parish4 ,moreover1 side by side with pity1 there is a large amount of much more irritating and ignorant exaggeration of the good things we are supposed to enjoy4 ,we do not1 ,i admit1 hear quite so often as formerly about 8fat livings0 and 8valuable preferment10 nor about the 8rectorial mansion with a thousand a year02 but we hear a great deal more about such fabulous lands of ,goshen than we ought to hear4 ,there is always a disposition to represent our neighbours as better off than ourselves1 and whereas the salaried townsman knows that his income1 whatever it may be1 is his net income which he may count upon as his spending fund to use as he pleases1 when he hears of others as receiving or entitled to receive so many pounds a year1 he assumes that they do receive it and that they may spend it as they please4 ,the townsman1 again1 who moves among the multitude and every hour is reminded of that multitude pressing1 as all fluids do1 8equally in all directions10 hears1 and sometimes he knows1 that the clergy in the towns have immense claims upon their time and are always on the move in the streets and courts4 ,they are always about1 always en vidence4 ,if a man has only to minister to a paltry seven hundred1 what can he have to do8 ,he must be a drone4 ,moreover1 the aforesaid townsman has read all about those country parsons4 ,you can hardly take up a novel without finding a sleek rector figuring in the volumes4 ,these idealized rural clerics always remind me of ,mr4 ,whistler's ,nocturnes4 ,the figures roll at you through the mists that are gathering round them4 ,the good people who try to introduce us to these reverend characters very rarely venture upon a firm and distinct outline4 ,the truth is1 that for the most part the novelists never slept in a country parsonage in their lives1 never knew a country parson out of a book4 ,a year or two ago my friend ,x4 was dining in a ,london mansion4 8,who's that80 said a lady opposite1 as she ducked her head in his direction and looked at her partner4 ,x4 turned to speak to his partner1 but could not help hearing the scarcely whispered dialogue3 8,a country parson1 did you say8 ,why1 he's tall60 ,and their voices low with fashion1 not with feeling1 softly freighted ,all the air about the windows with elastic laughter sweet4 ,it was quite a surprise to that lady novelist that a country parson could be tall6 ,many men are tall--policemen1 for instance4 ,but only short men ought to be country parsons4 ,why6 we shall hear of one of them being good-looking next6 ,when any class of men feel themselves to be the butt of others1 they are apt to be a little cowed4 ,they hold their peace and fret1 and if they resent their hard treatment and speak out1 they rarely do themselves justice4 ,very few men can come well out of a snub1 and the countryman who is not used to it never knows what to reply to offensive language4 ,yet worms have been known to turn1 not that ,i ever heard they got any good by it2 they can't bite1 and they can't sting1 but ,i suppose it comforts them to deliver their own souls4 ,poor worms6 ,yes6 you may pity them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,but if the country parson has his trials1 how may he hope to be listened to when he desires to make it clear what they are8 ,where shall he begin8 ,where shall he begin if not by pointing to that delicate nerve-centre of draped humanity1 exquisite in its sensitiveness1 knowing no rest in its perpetual giving out of force1 for ever hungering for renewal of its exhausted resources1 feeling no pain in its plethora and dreading no death save from inanition--to wit1 the ,pocket8 ,touch a man's pocket1 and a shudder thrills through every fibre4 ,the country parson has a great deal to complain of at the hands of those who will persist in talking of him as an exceptionally thriving stipendiary4 ,it is one thing to say that in all cases he gets more than he deserves2 it is quite another to put forth unblushingly that his income is half as much again as in fact it is1 and his outgoings only what the outgoings of other men are4 ,logicians class the suppressio veri among sophisms2 but would it not be better to call that artful proceeding a fraud8 8,drink fair1 ,betsy1 whatever you do60 said ,mrs4 ,gamp on a memorable occasion4 ,yes1 if it is only out of the teapot4 i4 ,with regard to the income of the country parson1 it may be laid down as a fact not to be disputed1 that hardly one per cent4 of the country clergy ever touch the full amount which theoretically they are entitled to receive4 ,in the case of parishes where the land is much subdivided1 and where there are a number of small tithepayers1 it would be almost impossible for the clergyman personally to collect his dues2 he almost invariably employs an agent1 who is not a likely man to do his work for love4 ,even the agent can rarely get in all the small sums that the small folk ought to pay4 ,even he has to submit to occasional defalcations1 and to consider whether it is worth while to press the legal rights of his employer too far4 ,moreover1 the small folk from time immemorial have expected something in the shape of a tithe dinner or a tithe tea1 for which the diners or the tea-drinkers do not pay1 you may be sure2 this constitutes a not inconsiderable abatement on the sum-total of receipts which ought to come to hand at the tithe audit4 ,taking one year with another1 it may be accepted as a moderate estimate that the cost of collecting his tithe1 plus bad debts in some shape or other1 amounts to six per cent41 and he who gets within seven per cent4 of his clerical income gets more than most of us do4 ,but the law allows of no abatement in respect of this initial charge2 and because the law takes up this ground1 the world at large assumes that the nominal gross income of the benefice does come into the pockets of the incumbent4 ,the world at large is quite certain that nobody in his senses makes a return of a larger income than he enjoys1 and if the parson pays on #ejj1 people assume that he does not get less from his living than that4 ,the world at large does not know that the parson is not asked to make a return4 ,the surveyor makes up his books on the tithe commutation table for the parish1 and on that the parson is assessed1 whatever he may say4 ii4 ,for be it known it is with the surveyor or rate-collector that the parson's first and most important concern lies4 ,whatever he may receive from his cure1 however numerous may be the defaulters among the tithe-payers1 however large the expense of collecting his dues1 the parson has to pay rates on his gross income4 ,the barrister and the physician1 the artist or the head of a government department1 knows or need know nothing about rates4 ,he may live in a garret if he likes2 he may live in a boarding-house at so much a week2 he may live in a flat at a rent which covers all extraneous charges4 ,i suppose we most of us have known men of considerable fortune1 men who live in chambers1 men who live in lodgings1 men who live in college rooms1 who never directly paid a rate in their lives4 ,our lamented ,h41 who dropped out recently1 leaving #ig1jjj behind him1 invested in first-class securities1 was one of these languidly prosperous men4 8,i do detetht violent language on any thubject whatever10 he lisped out to me once4 8,i hope ,i thall never thee that man again who thtormed at rate collectorth tho4 ,what ith a rate collector8 ,doth he wear a uniform80 ,but a country parson and all that he has in the world1 qua country parson1 is rateable to his very last farthing1 and beyond it3 the fiction being that he is a landed proprietor1 and as such in the enjoyment of an income from real property4 ,it is in vain that he pleads that his nominal income is of all property the most unreal3--he is told that he has a claim upon the land1 and the land cannot run away4 ,it is in vain that he plaintively protests that he would gladly live in a smaller house if he were allowed--he does live in it1 chained to it like a dangerous dog to his kennel4 ,it is in vain that he urges that he cannot let his glebe1 and may not cut down the trees upon it--that he is compelled to keep his house in tenantable repair1 and maintain the fences as he found them4 ,the impassive functionary expresses a well-feigned regret and some guarded commiseration2 but he has his duty to perform1 and the rates have to be paid--,poor rates1 ,county rates1 ,school ,board rates1 and all the rest of them2 and paid upon that parson's gross income--such an income as never comes1 and which everybody knows never could be collected4 ,you may say in your graceful way that a parson does not pay a bit more than he ought to pay1 and that he may be thankful if he be allowed to live at all4 ,that may be quite true--,i don't think it is1 but it may be--but there are some things that are not true1 and one of them is1 that the gross income awarded to the country parson on paper gives anything approaching to a fair notion of the amount of income that comes to his hands4 ,and if you are going to pity the country parson1 do begin at the right end1 and consider how you would like to pay such rates as he pays on your gross income4 iii4 ,but when the country parson's rates have been duly paid1 the next thing that he is answerable for is the ,land-tax4 ,the mysteries of the ,land-tax are quite beyond me4 ,if ,i could afford to give up three years of my life to the uninterrupted study of the history and incidence of the ,land-tax1 ,i think1 by what people tell me1 ,i might get to know something about it1 and be in a position to enlighten mankind upon this abstruse subject2 but as ,i really have not three years of my life to spare1 ,i must needs acquiesce in my hopeless ignorance even to the end4 ,only this ,i do know1 that1 whereas the country parson is called upon to pay sixpence in the pound for ,income-tax1 he is called upon to pay nearly ninepence in the pound for ,land-tax3 at any rate1 ,i know one country parson who has to do so4 ,let the ,land-tax pass--it is beyond me4 ,but how about the ,income-tax8 ,as ,i have said above1 in the case of all other professions except the clerical1 a man makes his return of income upon the available income which comes to him after deducting all fair and reasonable office expenses4 ,but for the crime of clericalism1 the country parson is debarred from making any such deductions as are permitted to other human beings4 ,many of the 8good livings0 in ,east ,anglia have two churches1 each of which must be served4 ,a man cannot be in two places at once2 and the laws of nature and of the ,church being in conflict1 the laws of the ,church carry it over the laws of nature1 and the rector has to put in an appearance at his second church by deputy--in other words1 the poor man has to keep a curate4 ,if he were a country solicitor who was compelled to keep a clerk1 he would deduct the salary of the clerk from the profits of his business2 but being only a country parson1 he can do nothing of the sort3 he has to pay ,income-tax all the same on his gross returns4 ,a curate is a luxury1 as a riding horse is a luxury2 and the only wonder is that curates have not long ago been included among those superfluous animals chargeable to the assessed taxes4 iv4 ,perhaps the most irritating of all imposts that press upon the country parson is that to which he has to submit because the churchyard is technically part of his freehold4 ,in many parts of the country a fee is charged for burying the dead4 ,in the diocese of ,norwich there are no burial fees4 ,the right of burying his dead in the churchyard is a right which may be claimed by any inhabitant of the parish2 the soil of the churchyard is said to belong to the parishioners2 the surface of the soil belongs to the parson4 ,this being so1 the parson is assessed in the books of the parish for the assumed value of the herbage growing upon the soil1 and on this assumed value he is accordingly compelled to pay rates1 ,income-tax1 and ,land-tax4 ,of course the parson could legally turn cattle or donkeys into the churchyard to disport themselves among the graves2 but happily that man who should venture to do this nowadays would be thought guilty of an outrage upon all decency4 ,who of us is there who does not rejoice that this state of feeling has grown up among us8 ,but the result is that the churchyard1 so far from being a source of income to the parson1 has become a source of expense to him in almost all cases4 ,somebody has to keep the grass mown1 and see that ,god's acre is not desecrated4 ,few of us grumble at that2 and some who have large resources pride themselves on keeping their churchyards as a lawn is kept or a garden4 ,but it surely is monstrous when everybody knows that the churchyard1 so far from bringing the parson any pecuniary benefit1 entails an annual expense upon him which is practically unavoidable--it is monstrous1 ,i say1 that the parson should be assessed upon the value of the crop which might be raised off dead men's graves1 and that he should be taxed for showing an example of decency and right feeling to those around him4 8,well6 ,but why don't you appeal80 ,my excellent sir1 do you suppose that nobody ever has appealed8 ,do you suppose that very original idea of yours has never occurred to any one else before8 ,or do you suppose that we the shepherds of ,arcady1 find appealing against an assessment1 made by our neighbours to relieve themselves1 before the magistrates at ,quarter ,sessions1 is a process peculiarly pleasurable and particularly profitable when the costs are defrayed8 ,we grumble or fret1 we count it among our trials1 but we say1 8,after all1 it is only about five shillings a-year4 ,anything for a quiet life4 ,let it go60 ,so the wrong gets to be established as a right4 ,but it is none the less a wrong because it continues to exist1 or because in coin of the realm it amounts to a trifle4 ,was it ,mr4 ,midshipman ,easy's nurse who urged in excuse of her moral turpitude in having an infant of her very own1 8,please1 ma'am1 it was such a little one80 ,the grievance of having to pay rates on the churchyard may be in one sense a little one4 ,but when it comes to being charged rates upon the premiums you pay upon your insurance policies1 some of them--the insurance of his church and other buildings--being compulsory payments1 and upon the mortgage of your benefice effected in your predecessor's time--even the sneerer at a sentimental grievance could hardly call such charges as these not worth making a fuss about4 ,in many a needy country parson's household the rates make all the difference whether his children can have butter to their bread or not4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it must be obvious to most people from what has been already said--and much more might be said--that1 unless a country parson have some resources outside of any income derivable from his benefice1 he must needs be a very poor man4 ,our people know this better than any one else1 and it is often a very anxious question on the appointment of a new incumbent whether he will live in the same style as that which his predecessor maintained4 ,will he keep a carriage1 or only a pony chaise8 ,will he employ two men in the garden8 ,will he 8put out his washing80#b ,will his house be a small local market for poultry and butter and eggs8 ,will he farm the glebe or let it8 ,how many servants will he keep1 and will the lady want a girl to train in the kitchen or the nursery from time to time8 ,such questions as these are sometimes very anxious ones in a remote country village where every pound spent among the inhabitants serves to build up a margin outside the ordinary income of the wage-earners1 and which helps the small occupiers to tide over many a temporary embarrassment when money is scarce1 and small payments have to be met and cannot any longer be deferred4 ,let me1 before going any further1 deal with a question which ,i have had suggested to me again and again by certain peculiar people with dearly beloved theories of their own4 ,it is often asked1 ,ought clergymen ever to be rich men8 ,is not a rich clergyman out of place in a country parsonage8 ,does not his wealth raise him too far above the level of his people8 ,does it not make him sit loosely to his duties8 ,does not the fact of a country parson being known to be a rich man tend to demoralize a parish8 ,lest it should be supposed that the present writer is one of the fortunate ones rolling in riches1 and therefore in a manner bound to stand up for his own class--let it be at once understood that the present writer is a man of straw1 one of those men to whom the month of ,january is a month of deep anxiety1 perplexity1 and depression of soul4 ,yet he would disdain to join the band of whining grumblers only because one year after another he finds that he must content himself with the corned beef and carrots1 and cannot by hook or by crook afford to indulge in some very desirable recreation or expense which the majority of his acquaintance habitually regard as absolutely necessary if existence is to be endured at all4 ,no6 ,i am very far indeed from being a rich man2 but this ,i am bound to testify in common fairness to my wealthier brethren in the ministry of the ,church of ,england1 that if any impartial person1 with adequate knowledge of the facts1 were asked to point out the most devoted1 zealous1 unworldly1 and practically efficient country parsons in the diocese of ,norwich--for let me speak as ,i do know--he would without hesitation name first and foremost some of the richest of the clergy in the eastern counties4 ,do you desire that your son should begin his ministerial life under a man of great ability1 sound sense1 courage1 and religious earnestness1 a man who never spares himself and will not suffer his subordinates to sink into slovenly frivolity and idleness1 then make your approaches to ,lucullus1 and you will have cause to thank ,god if the young fellow serves his apprenticeship under a guide and teacher such as this4 ,he will learn no nonsense there1 and see no masquerading1 only an undemonstrative but unflinching adherence to the path believed to be the path of duty1 and a manliness of self-surrender such as can only arouse an enthusiasm of respect and esteem4 ,does 8our own correspondent0 wish to see how a score of infamous hovels can be changed into a score of model cottages which pay interest on the cost of their erection1 and which in half a dozen years have helped perceptibly to raise the tone and tastes and habits of the population till it really looks as if some barbarians could be civilized by a coup de main8--let him pay a visit to the parish of our ,reverend ,hercules1 only one of whose many labours it has been to cleanse an ,augean stable4 ,it will do him good to see the mighty shoulders of that rugged philanthropist1 him of the broad brow and the great heart and the deep purse1 always at work and always at home1 about the very last man in ,england to be suspected of belonging to the sickly sort of puling visionaries4 ,do you want to meet with a type of the saintly parish priest1 one after holy ,george ,herbert's heart1 one with hardly a thought that does not turn upon the service of the sanctuary or the duties that he owes to his scattered flock8 ,come with me1 and we will go together and look at one of the most beautiful village churches in the land1 on which our devout ,ambrose has spent his thousands only with deep gratitude that he has been permitted to spend them so--and with never a word of brag or publicity1 never a paragraph foisted into the newspapers4 ,and as we pass out of that quiet churchyard1 trim as a queen's parterre1 ,i will show you the window of that little study which ,ambrose has not thought it right to enlarge1 and if he be not there1 be sure we shall find him at his school or by the sick-bed of the poor1 or inquiring into some case of sorrow or sin where a kindly hand or a wise word may peradventure solace the sad or go some way to raise the fallen4 ,what country parson among all the nine hundred and odd within this unwieldy diocese has lived a simpler or more devoted life than our ,nestor--,greek3 --he who for more than threescore years and ten has gone in and out among his people1 and doing his pastoral work so naturally1 so much as a matter of course1 that no one thinks of his being a rich man1 except when those towering horses of his stop at our lowly portals and have to be corkscrewed into our diminutive stables8 ,and who knows not of thee1 ,euerges1 treasurer and secretary and general mainstay of every good work1 the idol of thy people and their healer1 the terror of the impostor1 and the true friend of all that deserve thy helping hand and purse6 or thee1 too1 ,amomos1 who after thirty years of work as an evangelist in the city1 spending there thyself and thy substance all the while1 hast now betaken thee to the poor villagers1 if haply some little good may yet be done among the lowly ones before the night cometh when no man can work8 8,but do not such well-meaning gentlemen as these demoralize the poor80 ,oh dear yes6 of course they do4 ,it is so very demoralizing to help a lame dog over a stile4 ,it does so pauperize a broken-down couple to whom the ,poor ,law ,guardians allow three shillings a week and half a stone of flour1 if you give them a sack of potatoes about ,christmas time4 ,it corrupts and degrades ,biddy ,bundle to bestow an old petticoat upon her when she is shivering with the cold1 and it takes all self-respect and independence from the unruly bosom of ,dick the fiddler to offer him your old hat or a shabby pair of trousers4 ,the truest1 wisest1 most far-sighted and most magnanimous charity is to let ,harry ,dobbs have 8an order for the house0 when he is out of work and short of coals--,harry ,dobbs1 who set himself against all the laws of political economy1 and married at eighteen1 when he had not the wherewithal to buy the chairs and tables4 ,so we country parsons are a demoralizing force in the body politic forsooth1 because we cannot bear to see poor people starve at our gates4 ,we have been known actually to give soup to a reckless couple guilty of twelve children2 actually soup6 ,and we have dropped corrupting shillings into trembling hands1 only because they were trembling1 and distributed ounces of tobacco to the inmates of the ,union1 and poisoned the souls of old beldames with gratuitous half-pounds of tea4 ,and we counsel people to come to church1 when they would much rather go to the public-house1 and we coddle them and warm them now and then1 and instead of leaving them to learn manliness and independence and self-reliance on twelve shillings a week1 we step between them and the consequences of their own improvidence1 and we disturb the action of the beautiful laws of the universe1 and where we see the ponderous wheels of ,juggernaut just going to roll over a helpless imbecile who has tripped and dropped1 we must needs make a clutch at him and pull him out by the scruff of the neck1 and tell him to get up and not do it again4 ,and all this is demoralizing and pauperizing1 is it8 ,out upon you6 you miserable prigs with your chatter and babble6 ,you to talk of the parson's narrowness and his bigotry and his cant8 ,you to sneer at him for being the slave of a superstition8 ,you to pose as the only thinkers with all the logic of all the philosophers on your side1 all the logic and never a crumb of common sense to back it8 ,bigotry and intolerance and cant and class jealousy and scorn--that refuge for the intellectually destitute and the blustering coward--where will you find them in all their most bitter and sour and hateful intensity1 if not among the new lights1 the self-styled economists8 ,and we have to sit mum and let brainless pretenders superciliously put us out of court with a self-complacent wave of the hand1 as they give utterance to perky platitudes about the clergy pauperizing the working man4 ,no1 ,mr4 ,dandy ,dryskull4 ,no6 this gospel of yours1 a little trying to listen to1 is being found out2 ours will see the end of it4 ,you preach ,sir ,andrew and his love of law1 ,and we the ,saviour and ,his law of love6 ,i1 for one1 hereby proclaim and declare that ,i intend to help the sick and aged and struggling poor whenever ,i have the chance1 and as far as ,i have the means1 and ,i hope the day will never come when ,i shall cease to think without shame of him who is said to have made it his boast that he had never given a beggar a penny in his life4 ,i am free to confess that ,i draw the line somewhere4 ,i do draw the line at the tramp--,i do find it necessary to be uncompromising there4 ,indeed ,i keep a big dog for the tramp1 and that dog1 inasmuch as he passes his happy life in a country parsonage--that dog1 ,i say1 is not muzzled4 8,but don't you get imposed upon8 ,don't you get asked to replace dead horses and cows and pigs and donkeys1 that never walked on four legs and no mortal eye ever saw in the land of the living80 ,of course we do6 ,is it a prerogative of the country parson to be duped by a swindler8 ,oh1 ,mr4 ,worldly ,wiseman1 were you never taken in8 ,never6 ,then1 sir1 ,i could not have you for a son-in-law6 ,as for us--we country parsons--we do occasionally get imposed upon in very absurd and contemptible fashion4 ,sometimes we submit to be bled with our eyes open4 ,a bungling bumpkin has managed to get his horse's leg broken by his own stupidity4 ,we know that the fellow was jiggling the poor brute's teeth out of his mouth at the time1 or the animal would never have shown himself as great an idiot as his master4 ,but there stands the master horseless1 with the tears in his eyes1 and we know all about him and the hard struggle he has had to keep things going1 and we say to ourselves1 8,i wonder what would happen to me if my horse dropped down dead some fine morning4 ,who would help me to another8 and what then80 ,so we pull out the sovereign1 and give the fellow a note to somebody else1 and that is how we demoralize him4 ,or another comes at night-time and wants to speak to us on very particular business1 and implores us to tide him over a real difficulty1 and4444 8,what8 do you mean to say1 you lend fellows money80 ,yes4 ,i mean to say ,i have even done that and very very rarely repented of it1 and ,i mean to say there are men1 and women too1 to whom ,i would lend money again if ,i had it2 but it does not follow that ,i would lend it to everybody1 least of all that ,i would lend it to you1 ,mr4 ,worldly ,wiseman4 ,try it on1 sir6 ,try it on6 and see whether you would depart triumphant from the interview6 ,moreover1 the country parson has always to pay a little--just a very little--more than any one else for most things that come to his door4 ,the market has always risen when he wants to buy1 and has always suddenly fallen when he wants to sell4 ,the small man's oats are invariably superior to any one's when he has a small parcel to dispose of to the parson4 ,as to the price of hay1 when the parson has to buy it1 that is truly startling4 ,i never see half a rood of carrots growing in a labourer's allotment1 but ,i feel sure ,i shall have to buy those carrots before ,christmas1 and sorry as ,i am to observe how rarely any fruit trees are ever planted in a poor man's garden1 ,i reflect that perhaps it is just as well1 for already the damsons and the apples that besiege the rectory are almost overwhelming4 ,i never ask what becomes of them1 but it is morally and physically impossible that they should be eaten under this roof4 8,but1 my dear1 you must buy ,widow ,coe's damsons2 nobody else will1 you know60 ,this is what ,i am told is 8considering the poor people02 that is our way of putting it4 ,you1 ,mr4 ,worldly ,wiseman1 you call it demoralizing them4 ,then1 too1 the country parson is expected to 8encourage the local industries40 ,i wonder whether they make pillow-lace in ,bedfordshire as they did once4 ,if they do1 and especially if the demand for it in the outer world has waned1 the country parsons' wives in that part of ,england must have a very trying time of it4 ,once1 when ,i was in the merry twenties1 a dirty old hag with an evil report1 but no worse than other people1 except that she was an old slut1 knocked at my back door and asked to see 8,the ,lady ,shepherd40 ,mrs4 ,triplet was a ,mormonite1 at any rate her husband was2 and it was credibly believed that ,mrs4 ,triplet herself had been baptized by immersion in a horsepond in the dead of night1 dressed as ,godiva was dressed during her famous ride1 and seated1 not upon a palfrey1 but upon a jackass4 ,how ,triplet could ever have been converted to a belief in polygamy with his experience of the married state1 ,i am entirely unable to explain4 ,but ,mrs4 ,triplet came to our door and asked for 8,the ,lady ,shepherd40 ,it was a delicate piece of flattery4 ,she must have thought over it a long time4 ,was not the parson the shepherd8 a bad one it might be1 a hireling1 a blind leader of the blind1 but still a shepherd4 ,then his wife must needs be a shepherdess--and she did not look like it--or a sheep--,no6 that wouldn't do at all--or the shepherd's lady--and shepherds don't have ladies2 or--happy thought6--the ,lady ,shepherd4 ,accordingly ,mrs4 ,triplet asked for the ,lady ,shepherd4 ,mrs4 ,triplet in former times had been a tailor's hand1 and in that capacity had made a few shillings a week by odd jobs for the ,cambridge tailors in term time2 but she had married1 and now she lived too far away in the wilds to be able to continue at her old employment1 and being a bad manager1 she soon had to cast about for some new source of income4 ,in the more comfortable cottages in the eastern counties you may often see laid out before the fire a mat of peculiar construction which sometimes looks like a small mattress in difficulties4 ,it is made from selvages and clippings1 the refuse of the tailor's workshop2 these strips of cloth are cut into lengths of two or three inches long by half an inch wide1 and are knitted or tightly tied together with string1 the variously coloured scraps being arranged in patterns according to the genius and taste of the artist4 ,the complex structure when completed is stuffed with the clippings too small to be worked up on the outside1 and the mass is then subjected to a process of thumping and stamping and pulling and hammering till at last there exudes--yes6 that is the correct term1 whatever you may say--a lumpy bundle1 which in its pillowy and billowy entirety is called a hearthrug4 ,the thing will last for generations1 it never wears out1 and it takes years of continuous stamping upon it before you can anyhow get it flat4 ,it was one of these triumphs of industry that ,mrs4 ,triplet desired to turn an honest penny by4 ,would her ladyship come and look at it in situ8 ,now the lady shepherd is a woman of business1 which the shepherd1 notoriously1 is not1 and if she had gone alone no great harm would have come of the interview2 but on that unlucky day the shepherd and his lady resolved to go together4 ,that is a course which no shepherd and shepherdess should ever be persuaded to follow4 ,two men will often help one another when associated in a difficult enterprise2 two women will almost always do better together than single-handed1 but a man and a woman working together will always get in one another's way4 ,on the occasion referred to the quick-witted old crone saw her chance in a moment1 and commenced to play off one of her visitors against the other with consummate skill4 ,from a hole beneath the narrow stairs she dragged the massive structure1 and slowly unfolding it before our eyes commenced to stamp upon it in a kind of hideous demon dance1 gazing at it fondly from time to time as if she could hardly bear to part with it4 ,in those days the fashion of wearing gay clothing had only just gone out among the male sex4 ,for1 less than forty years ago1 we used to appear1 on state occasions1 in blue dress coats and brass buttons1 and at great gatherings you might see green coats and brown ones1 mulberry coats and chocolate ones1 and there was a certain iridescence that gave a peculiarly sprightly look to an assembly even of males in those days1 which has all passed away now4 ,hence when ,mrs4 ,triplet displayed her exhibit we found ourselves gazing at a very gaudy spectacle4 8,there1 lady6 ,and ,i made the pattern all myself1 ,i did4 ,many's the night ,i've laid awake thinking of it4 ,ah6 them bottle-greens was hard to get1 they was2 gentlefolks has give up wearing greens4 ,but that yaller rose1 lady4 ,ain't that a yaller rose80 ,for once in her life the lady shepherd lost her nerve4 ,spasms of hysterical laughter wrestled within her1 and her flushed face and contorted frame betrayed the conflict that was raging4 ,how would it end8 in the rupture of a vein or in shrieks of uncontrollable merriment8 ,the shepherd was in terror2 he stooped to the foolishest flattery2 he went as near lying as a shepherd could without literally lying2 but comedy changed to tragedy when from his lean purse he desperately plucked his very last sovereign1 and giving it to that guileful old sorceress1 ordered her to bring that hearth-rug to the parsonage without delay4 ,next week--the very next week--came a pressing offer from another parishioner of another of these articles of home manufacture2 next month came a third1 though the price had dropped fifty per cent41 which was accepted with exultant thankfulness4 ,there was positively no stopping the activity of the new industry2 until1 before three months were over1 six of these fearful contrivances had been all but forced upon us1 one of them travelling to our door in a donkey-cart and one in a wheel-barrow--the lady shepherd being told she might have them at her own price1 and pay for them at her own convenience--only have them she must3 the makers could by no means take them away4 8,well1 but you had nobody but yourselves to thank4 ,how could you be so weak and silly80 ,that may be very true4 ,but do not our trials--our smaller trials--become so just because we have only ourselves to thank for them8 ,we in the wilderness are exposed to temptations which go some way to make us silly and soft-hearted4 ,somehow1 few of us are certain to keep our hearts as hard as the nether millstone4 ,i do not pretend to be one of the seven sages3 what ,i do say is that we country parsons have our trials4 ,it is1 however1 when the country parson has to buy a horse that he finds himself tried to the uttermost4 ,day after day1 from all points of the compass1 there appear at his gate the cunningest of the cunning and the sharpest of the sharp2 and if at the end of a week the parson has not arrived at the settled conviction that he is three parts of a fool1 it is impossible for him to dispute that the whole fraternity of horsey men feel no manner of doubt that he is so4 ,now1 ,i don't like to be thought a fool3 not many men do1 unless they hope to gain something by it4 ,the instinct of self-preservation or the hope of a kingdom might induce me to play the part of ,brutus2 but in my secret heart ,i should be buoyed up by the proud consciousness of superior wisdom4 ,when1 however1 it comes to a long line of rogues--one after another for days and days without any collusion--continuing to tell you to your face1 almost in so many words1 that you certainly are a fool--it really ceases to be monotonous and becomes1 after a while1 vexatious4 ,the fellows are so clever1 too2 they have such an enviable fluency of speech2 they are possessed of such a rich fund of anecdote1 such an easy play of fancy1 such a readiness of apt illustration1 and such a magnificent command of facial contortion1 expressive of the subtlest movements of the heart and brain1 that you cannot but feel how immeasurably inferior you are to the dullest of them in dialectic4 ,but why should a man1 when he asks you to try his charger1 bring it round to the door-step1 tempting you to get up on the off side8--what does he gain by it8 ,why should he tell you that 8this hoss was a twin with that as ,captain ,dixie drives in his dog-cart08 ,why should he assure you1 upon his sacred honour1 8that ,roman nose will come square when the horse gets to be six years old--they always do08 or that 8you always find bay horses turn chestnut if they're clipped badly08 ,these men would not try these fictions upon any one else2 why should ,i suffer for being a country parson by being told a long story--with the most religious seriousness--of 8that there horse as ,mr4 ,abel had1 that stopped growing in his fore-quarters when he was two and went on growing with his hind-quarters till he was seven--that hoss that they called ,kangaroo1 'cause he'd jump anything--anything under a church tower1 only you had to give him his head08 ,i used to get much more irritated by this kind of thing when ,i was less mellowed by age than ,i am3 and ,i have learnt to be more tolerant even of a horse-dealer than ,i once was4 ,in an outburst of indignation one day1 ,i turned angrily upon one of the fraternity1 and said to him1 8,man6 how can you go on lying in this way2 why won't you deal fairly1 instead of always trying to take people in80 ,the man was not a bit offended--indeed he smiled quite kindly upon me4 8,lor1' sir1 do you suppose we never get took in80 ,i am fully persuaded that horse-dealer thought ,i was going to try the confidence trick with him4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i am often assured by my town friends that the loneliness of my country life must be very trying4 ,i reply with perfect truth that ,i have never known what it is to feel lonely except in ,london4 ,some years ago one ,sunday afternoon ,i was compelled to consult an eminent oculist4 ,when the cab drove up to the great man's door in ,cardross ,square1 his eminence was at the window in a brown study1 with his elbows leaning on the wire blind1 the tip of his nose flattened against the pane1 his eyes vacantly staring at nothing4 ,when we were shown into his presence1 the forlorn and desolate expression on that forsaken man's face was quite shocking to the nerves4 ,a painter who could have reproduced the look of aimless and despairing woe might have made a name for ever4 ,when people talk to me of loneliness ,i always instinctively recall the image of that famous oculist in the heart of ,london on a ,sunday afternoon4 ,ever since that day ,i have never been able to get over a horror of wire blinds4 ,happily1 they are articles of furniture which have almost gone out now1 but they used to be fearfully common4 ,even now the ,londoner thinks it de rigueur to darken the windows of his sitting-room on the ground floor2 and in furnished lodgings you must have wire blinds4 ,why is this8 ,when ,i ask the question ,i am told that you must have wire blinds3 if you didn't1 people would look in4 ,in the country we never have wire blinds1 and yet nobody looks in2 therefore you call our life lonely4 ,but loneliness is not the simple product of external circumstances--it is the outcome of a morbid temperament1 creating for itself a sense of vacuity1 whatever may be a man's surroundings4 ,to sit on rocks1 to muse on flood and fell1 ,to climb the trackless mountain1 c4 ,i suppose we all know that wishy-washy stuff1 so there is no need to go on with the quotation4 ,what is trying in the country parson's life is its isolation4 ,that is a very different thing from saying that he lives a lonely life4 ,the parson who is conscientiously trying to do his duty in a country parish occupies a unique position4 ,he is a man1 and yet he must be something more than man1 and something less too4 ,he must be more than man in that he must be free from human passions and human weaknesses1 or the whole neighbourhood is shocked by his frailty2 he must be something less than man in his tastes and amusements and way of life1 or there will be those who will be sure to denounce him as a worldling who ought never to have taken orders4 ,if he be a man of birth and refinement1 he is sure to be reported of as proud and haughty2 if he be not quite a gentleman1 he will be snubbed and flouted outrageously4 ,the average country parson and his family has often to bear an amount of patronizing impertinence which is sometimes very trying4 ,even the squire and the parson do not always get on well together1 and when they do not1 the parson is very much at the other's mercy1 and may be thwarted and worried and humiliated almost to any extent by a powerful1 ill-conditioned1 and unscrupulous landed proprietor4 ,but it is from the come-and-go people who hire the country houses which their owners are compelled to let1 that we suffer most4 ,not that this is always the case1 for it not unfrequently happens that the change in the occupancy of a country mansion is a clear gain socially1 morally1 and intellectually to a whole neighbourhood--when1 in the place of a necessitous ,squire ,western1 and his cubs of sons and his half-educated daughters1 drearily impecunious1 but not the less self-asserting and supercilious1 we get a family of gentle manners and culture and accomplishments1 and lo6 it is as sunshine after rain4 ,but sometimes the new comers are a grievous infliction4 ,town-bred folk who emerge from the back streets and have amassed money by a new hair-wash or an improvement in sticking-plaster4 ,such as these are out of harmony with their temporary surroundings3 they giggle in the faces of the farmers' daughters1 ridicule the speech and manners of the labourers and their wives1 and grumble at everything4 ,they cannot think of walking in the dirty lanes1 they are afraid of cows1 and call children nasty little things4 ,these people's hospitalities are very trying4 8,come1 my boy4 ,have a cut at the venison4 ,don't be afraid4 ,you shall have a good dinner for once2 sha'n't he1 my dear8 and as much champagne as you like to put inside you80 ,it was a bottle-nosed ,sir ,gorgious ,midas who spoke1 and his lady at the other end of the table gave me a kindly wink as she caught my eye4 ,but the wine was ,gilby's1 and not his best4 ,these are the people who demoralize our country villages4 ,they introduce a vulgarity of tone quite indescribable1 and the rapidity of the change wrought in the sentiments and language of the rustics is sometimes quite wonderful4 ,the rustics don't like these come-and-go folk1 but they get dazzled by them notwithstanding2 they resent the airs which the footmen and ladies' maids give themselves1 but nevertheless they envy them and think1 8,there's my gal ,polly--she'd be a lady if she was to get into sich a house as that60 ,when they hear that up at the hall they play tennis on ,sunday afternoons1 the old people are perplexed1 and wonder what the world is coming to2 the boys and girls begin to think that their jolly time is near1 when they too shall submit to no restraint1 and join the revel rout of scoffers4 ,the sour puritan snarls out1 8,ah6 there's your gentlefolks1 they don't want no religion1 they don't--and we don't want no gentlefolks60 ,for your sour puritan somehow has always a lurking sympathy with the ,socialist programme1 and it's honey and nuts to him to find out some new occasion for venting his spleen at the things that are4 ,but one and all look askance at the parson1 and inwardly chuckle that he is not having a pleasant time of it4 8,our ,reverend's been took down a bit1 since that young gent at the ,hall lit his pipe in the church porch4 #8,that ain't seemly1' says parson4 #8,dunno about that1' says the tother1 #8but it seems nice4'0 ,chorus1 half-giggle1 half-sniggle4 ,do not the scientists teach that no two atoms are in absolute contact with each other2 that some interval separates every molecule from its next of kin8 ,certainly this is inherent in the office and function of the country parson1 that he is not quite in touch with any one in his parish if he be a really earnest and conscientious parson4 ,he is too good for the average happy-go-lucky fellow who wants to be let alone4 ,there is nothing to gain by insulting him4 8,he's that pig-headed he don't seem to mind nothing--only swearing at him60 ,you cannot get him to take a side in a quarrel4 ,he speaks out very unpleasant truths in public and private4 ,he occupies a social position that is sometimes anomalous4 ,he has a provoking knack of taking things by the right handle4 ,he does not believe in the almighty dollar1 as men of sense ought to believe2 and he is usually in the right when it comes to a dispute in a vestry meeting because he is the only man in the parish that thinks of preparing himself for the discussion beforehand4 ,this isolation extends not merely to matters social and intellectual2 it is much more observable in the domain of sentiment4 ,a rustic cannot at all understand what motive a man can possibly have for being a bookworm2 he suspects a student of being engaged in some impious researches4 8,to hear that there ,reverend of ours in the pulpit you might think we was all right4 ,but1 bless you6 he ain't same as other folk4 ,he do keep a horoscope top o' his house to look at the stares and sich40 ,not one man in a hundred of the labourers reads a book1 and only when a book is new with a gaudy outside does he seem to value it even as a chattel4 ,that any one should ever have any conceivable use for a big book is to him incomprehensible4 8,if ,i might be so bold1 sir10 said ,jabez1 an intelligent father of a family with some very bright children who are 8won'erful for'ard in their larning10 8,if ,i might be so bold1 might ,i ask if you've really read all these grit books80 8,no1 ,jabez2 and ,i should be a bigger dunce than ,i am if ,i ever tried to4 ,i keep them to use2 they're my tools1 like your spade and hoe4 ,what's that thing called that ,i saw in your hand the other day when you were working at the draining job8 ,you don't often use that tool ,i think1 do you80 8,well1 no4 ,but then we don't get a job o' draining now same as we used4 ,i mean to say as a man may go ten years at a stretch and never lay a drain-tile40 8,well1 then how about the use of his tools all this time80 ,jabez smiled1 slowly put his hand to his head1 saw the point1 and yet didn't see it4 8,but1 lawk sir6 that's somehow different4 ,i can't see what yow can du wi' a grit book like this here40 ,it was a massive volume of ,littr's great dictionary1 which ,i had just taken down to consult2 it certainly did look portentous4 8,why1 ,jabez1 that's a dictionary--a ,french dictionary4 ,if ,i want to know all about a ,french word1 you know1 ,i look it up here4 ,sometimes ,i don't find exactly what ,i want2 then ,i go to that book1 which is another ,french dictionary2 and if44440 ,i saw by the blank look in honest ,jabez' face that it was all in vain4 8,want to know 444 all about 444 words4444 ,why you ain't agoing to fix no drain-tiles with them sort o' things4 ,now that du wholly pet me aywt1 that du40 ,i think no one who has not tried painfully to lift and lead others can have the least notion of the difficulty which the country parson has to contend with in the extreme thinness of the stratum in which the rural intellect moves4 ,since the schools have given more attention to geography1 and since emigration has brought us now and then some entertaining letters from those who have emigrated to 8furren parts10 the people have slowly learnt to think of a wider area of space than heretofore they could imagine4 ,though even now their notions of geography are almost as vague as their notions of astronomy2 ,i have never seen a map in an agricultural labourer's cottage4 ,but their absolute ignorance of history amounts to an incapacity of conceiving the reality of anything that may have happened in past time4 ,what their grandfathers have told them1 that is to them history--everything before that is not so much as fable2 it is not romance1 it is a formless void1 it is chaos4 ,the worst of it is that they have no curiosity about the past4 ,the same is true of their knowledge of anything approaching to the rudiments of physical science2 it simply does not exist4 ,a belief in the ,ptolemaic system is universal in ,arcady4 ,i suspect that they think less about these things than they did4 8,that there old ,gladstone1 lawk6 he's a deep un he is6 ,he's as deep as the ,pole ,star he is60 said ,solomon ,bunch to me one day4 8,pole ,star80 ,i asked in surprise1 8,where is the ,pole ,star1 ,sol80 8,lawks6 ,i dunno2 ,i've heard tell o' the ,pole ,star as the deep un ever sin' ,i was a booy60 ,it is this narrowness in their range of ideas that makes it so hard for the townsman to become an effective speaker to the labourers4 ,you could not make a greater mistake than by assuming you have only to use plain language to our rustics4 ,so far from it1 they love nothing better than sonorous words1 the longer the better4 ,it is when he attempts to make his audience follow a chain of reasoning that the orator fails most hopelessly1 or when he comes to his illustrations4 ,the poor people know so little1 they read nothing1 their experience is so confined1 that one is very hard put to it to find a simile that is intelligible4 8,young ,david stood before the monarch's throne4 ,with harp in hand he touched the chords1 like some later ,scald he sang his saga to ,king ,saul60 ,it really was rather fine--plain and simple too1 monosyllabic1 terse1 and with a musical sibillation4 ,unfortunately one of the worthy preacher's hearers told me afterwards with some displeasure that 8he didn't hold wi' ,david being all sing-songing and scolding1 he'd no opinion o' that40 ,the stories of the queer mistakes which our hearers make in interpreting our sermons are simply endless1 sometimes almost incredible4 ,nevertheless1 no invention of the most inveterate story-teller could equal the facts which are matters of weekly experience4 8,as yow was a saying in your sarment1 'tarnal mowing won't du wirout 'tarnal making--yow mind that6 yer ses1 an' ,i did mind it tu1 an' we got up that hay surprising60 ,mr4 ,perry had just a little misconceived my words4 ,i had quoted from ,philip ,van ,arteveldt4 8,he that lacks time to mourn1 lacks time to mend4 ,eternity mourns that40 ,not many months ago ,i was visiting a good simple old man who was death-stricken1 and had been long lingering on the verge of the dark river4 8,i've been a thinking1 sir1 of that little hymn as you said about the old devil when he was took bad4 ,i should like to hear that again40 ,i was equal to the occasion4 ,the devil was sick--the devil a saint would be2 ,the devil got well--not a bit of a saint was he6 ,it was necessary to soften down the language of the original6 8,is that what you mean80 ,yes6 it was that4 8,well ,i've been a thinking1 if the old devil had laid a bit longer and been afflicted same as some on 'em1 as he'd a been the better for it4 ,ain't there no more o' that there little hymn1 sir80 ,the religious talk of our ,arcadians is sometimes very trying--trying ,i mean to any man with only too keen a sense of the ludicrous1 and who would not for the world betray himself if he could help it4 ,it is always better to let people welcome you as a friend and neighbour1 rather than as a clergyman1 even at the risk of being considered by the 8unco guid0 as an irreverent heathen4 ,but you are often pulled up short by a reminder more or less reproachful1 that if you have forgotten your vocation your host has not2 as thus3-- 8,ever been to ,tombland fair1 ,mrs4 ,cawl80 ,mrs4 ,cawl has a perennial flow of words1 which come from her lips in a steady1 unceasing1 and deliberate monotone1 a slow trickle of verbiage with never the semblance of a stop4 8,never been to no fairs sin' ,i was a girl bless the ,lord nor mean to 'xcept once when my ,betsy went to place and father told me to take her to a show and there was a giant and a dwarf dressed in a green petticoat like a monkey on an organ an' ,i ses to ,betsy my dear theys the works of the ,lord but they hadn't ought to be shewed but as the works of the ,lord to be had in remembrance and don't you think sir as when they shows the works of the ,lord they'd ought to begin with a little prayer80 99 99 99 99 99 ,there is one salient defect in the ,east ,anglian character which presents an almost insuperable obstacle to the country parson who is anxious to raise the tone of his people1 and to awaken a response when he appeals to their consciences and affections4 ,the ,east ,anglian is1 of all the inhabitants of these islands1 most wanting in native courtesy1 in delicacy of feeling1 and in anything remotely resembling romantic sentiment4 ,the result is that it is extremely difficult1 almost impossible1 to deal with a genuine ,norfolk man when he is out of temper4 ,how much of this coarseness of mental fibre is to be credited to their ,danish ancestry ,i know not1 but whenever ,i have noticed a gleam of enthusiasm1 ,i think ,i have invariably found it among those who had ,french ,huguenot blood in their veins4 ,always shrewd1 the ,norfolk peasant is never tender2 a wrong1 real or imagined1 rankles within him through a lifetime4 ,he stubbornly refuses to believe that hatred in his case is blameworthy4 ,refinement of feeling he is quite incapable of1 and without in the least wishing to be rude1 gross1 or profane1 he is often all three at once quite innocently during five minutes' talk4 ,i have had things said to me by really good and well-meaning men and women in ,arcady that would make susceptible people swoon4 ,it would have been quite idle to remonstrate4 ,you might as well preach of duty to an antelope4 ,if you want to make any impression or exercise any influence for good upon your neighbours1 you must take them as you find them1 and not expect too much of them4 ,you must work in faith1 and you must work upon the material that presents itself4 8,the sower soweth the word40 ,the mistake we commit so often is in assuming that because we sow--which is our duty--therefore we have a right to reap the crop and garner it4 8,it grows to guerdon after-days40 ,meanwhile we have such home truths as the following thrown at us in the most innocent manner4 8,tree score8 ,is that all you be8 ,why there's some folk as 'ud take you for a hundred wi' that hair o' yourn60 ,mr4 ,snape spoke with an amount of irritation which would have made an outsider believe ,i was his deadliest foe2 yet we are really very good friends1 and the old man scolds me roundly if ,i am long without going to look at him4 ,but he has quite a fierce repugnance to grey hair4 8,you must take me as ,i am1 ,snape10 ,i replied2 8,i began to get grey at thirty4 ,would you have me dye my hair80 8,doy6 ,why that hev doyd1 an' wuss than that--thet's right rotten thet is60 ,or we get taken into confidence now and then1 and get an insight into our ,arcadians' practical turn of mind4 ,i was talking pleasantly to a good woman about her children4 8,yes10 she said1 8they're all off my hands now1 but ,i reckon ,i've had a expense-hive family4 ,i don't mean to say as it might not have been worse if they'd all lived1 and we'd had to bring 'em all up1 but my meaning is as they never seemed to die convenient4 ,i had twins once1 and they both died1 you see1 and we had the club money for both of 'em1 but then one lived a fortnight after the other1 and so that took two funerals1 and that come expense-hive60 ,it is very shocking to a sensitive person to hear the way in which the old people speak of their dead wives or husbands exactly as if they'd been horses or dogs4 ,they are always proud of having been married more than once4 8,you didn't think1 ,miss1 as ,i'd had five wives1 now did you8 ,ah6 but ,i have though--leastways ,i buried five on 'em in the churchyard1 that ,i did--and tree on 'em beewties60#c ,on another occasion ,i playfully suggested1 8,don't you mix up your husbands now and then1 ,mrs4 ,page1 when you talk about them80 8,well1 to tell you the truth1 sir1 ,i really du6 ,but my third husband1 he was a man6 ,i don't mix him up4 ,he got killed1 fighting--you've heerd tell o' that ,i make no doubt4 ,the others warn't nothing to him4 ,he'd ha' mixed them up quick enough if they'd interfered wi' him4 ,lawk ah6 ,he'd 'a made nothing of 'em60 ,instances of this obtuseness to anything in the nature of poetic sentiment among our rustics might be multiplied indefinitely4 ,norfolk has never produced a single poet or romancer4#d ,we have no local songs or ballads1 no traditions of valour or nobleness1 no legends of heroism or chivalry4 ,in their place we have a frightfully long list of ferocious murderers3 ,thurtell1 and ,tawell1 and ,manning1 and ,greenacre1 and ,rush1 and a dozen more whose names stand out pre-eminent in the horrible annals of crime4 ,the temperament of the sons of ,arcady is strangely callous to all the softer and gentler emotions4 99 99 99 99 99 ,there still remains something to say4 ,in the minor difficulties with which the country parson has to deal1 there is usually much that is grotesque1 and this for the most part forces itself into prominence4 ,when this is so1 a wise man will not dwell too much upon the sad and depressing view of the situation2 he will try and make the best of things as they are4 ,there are trials that are1 after all1 bearable with a light heart4 ,unhappily there are others that make a man's heart very heavy indeed1 partly because he thinks they need not be1 partly because he can see no hope of remedy4 ,it is of these ,i hope to speak hereafter4 ,,ii4 ,,the ,,trials ,,of ,a ,,country ,,parson4 8,ther's times the world does look so queer1 ,odd fancies come afore ,i call 'em1 ,an' then agin1 for half a year1 ,no preacher 'thout a call's more solemn40 ,in speaking of the trials of the country parson's life in my last essay1 ,i left much unsaid that needed saying4 ,i rather shrank from dealing with matters which are outside the range of my own experience1 and confined myself to such illustrations of the positions maintained as my own personal knowledge could supply4 ,there are1 however1 some phases of the country parson's life which ,i am perhaps less competent to dwell on than others who have been all their lives rustics1 and because ,i would not willingly wound the feelings of those whom ,i honour and respect1 therefore ,i am inclined to hang back and hold my peace and say nothing4 ,why does not somebody else step in and take up the thread where ,i dropped it1 deliver his testimony1 and give us the record of his larger experience8 ,or shall we ask another question8 ,how is it that people who have much to tell1 so often have no faculty of setting it down in words and sentences8 ,we boast of our advance in education1 and yet what has it done for us--what is it doing for us8 ,i mean my son to be really educated4 ,i mean him to be able to sit down to an organ and satisfy his soul as he dreams his dreams or sends forth his wail of aspiration1 or sobs out his grief and penitence1 or laughs forth his ecstasy of rapture1 now in a passion of melody1 now in subtle tangle of mysterious fugue1 now in awful billows of harmony1 making full concert to the angelic symphony4 ,i mean him to be able to catch the laugh of the child1 or the scowl of the ruffian1 or the smirk of the swindler1 or the wonder and triumph and joy and pride of the maiden who has just listened to her lover's tale1 or the sombre beauty of the aged when the twilight deepens and they are thinking of the dawn4 ,i mean my son to have the power to catch these things1 and to hold them and show them to me1 saying1 8,look6 there they are for you and me to dwell on when we will40 ,then1 and not till then1 will that lad of promise have begun to be educated4 ,but we--or such as ,i--what upstarts we are6 ,we that talk badly1 write worse1 and fumble and bungle miserably with that beggarly vehicle of communication between man and man which we call language--that wretched calculus which serves just a very little way towards helping us to hold converse with men as foolish as ourselves1 but leaves us helpless to make the throstle feel how much we love him1 and which we fling aside as a mere burden when our hearts are dying in us with what we call our loneliness or our despair4 ,educated6 ,who is educated8 ,certainly not the man who1 having his memory full of a vast assemblage of odds and ends1 can no more bring them out and produce them in an intelligible shape than ,i can produce on canvas the face of yonder old beldame with the square jaw and the bushy brows and the blazing eyes1 and that burlesque of a bonnet1 square and round and oval at one and the same moment1 and no more capable of being described in words than of being written out in musical notation4 ,yet it is undeniable that the knack of ,mr4 ,gigadibs is a convenient knack1 and it is a pity that my friend ,mr4 ,cadaverous has not got it2 he is 8of those who know40 ,gigadibs is of those who can juggle with the parts of speech1 and very pretty jugglery it is4 ,i envy ,gigadibs whenever ,i am compelled to relate things at second hand2 for who can help lying when he tries to bear evidence upon what others have seen and heard and felt--and worst of all--have reasoned about8 99 99 99 99 99 ,it may have been observed that when ,i began upon the subject of the country parson's trials1 ,i dwelt first upon those annoyances and positive wrongs which he is compelled to submit to at the hands of the powers that be1 and which may be classed under the head of ,financial2 and1 secondly1 upon such as are inherent in his position as a personage living a life apart from those among whom he has to discharge his peculiar duties4 ,as far as regards the mere peasant1 this isolation is only what any one must expect who is brought into relations more or less intimate with a class socially and intellectually below or above his own4 ,but there are villages and villages1 and the differences between them are as great as between the ,east ,end of ,london and the ,west1 between ,may ,fair and ,red ,lion ,square4 ,the ideal village is a happy valley1 where a simple people are living sweetly under the paternal care of a gracious landowner1 benevolent1 open-handed1 large-hearted1 devout1 a man of wealth and culture1 his wife a ,lady ,bountiful2 his daughters the judicious dispensers of liberal charity2 his house the home of all that is refining1 cheering1 elevating4 ,there the happy parson always finds a cordial welcome1 and all those social advantages which make life pleasant and serene for himself and his family4 ,parson and squire work together in perfect harmony1 the rectory and the hall are but the greater and the lesser parts of a well-adjusted piece of machinery which moves on with no friction and never comes to a dead stop4 ,this is the ideal village4 ,how different are the real villages1 and how various6 ,take the case of my friend ,burney's parish4 ,an oblong surface through which a high road runs straight as a ruler--wide ditches dividing the fields1 with never a hedge and never a tree--nine square miles of land with a population of #ijj human beings1 here and there collected into an ugly hamlet1 each with a central alehouse1 and a few feeble poplars looking as if they were ashamed of themselves4 ,there is not a farmer in the parish who occupies #cjj acres of land4 ,there is not a squire's house within a radius of eleven miles from the rectory door4 ,the nearest market town is six miles off1 the nearest railway station five4 ,friend ,burney has his house and garden and perhaps #cej a year to spend--that is quite the outside4 ,every morning he goes to his school a long mile off1 every afternoon he has some one to 8look after10 to visit in sickness or sorrow1 to watch or advise or comfort4 ,one year with another he calculates that he has to walk at least #a1ejj miles in the way of duty4 ,as to the mere ,sunday work1 that needs no dwelling on2 take it all in all1 it is about the least wearing and least troublesome part of the parson's duties1 always provided he puts his heart into it1 and has some faculty for it4 ,but in all that tract of country over which he is sometimes cruelly assumed to be no more than a spiritual overseer1 among all those #ijj people1 there is not a single man1 woman1 or child that cares to talk to him1 or ever does talk to him1 about anything outside the parish and its concerns4 ,nay6 ,i forgot the schoolmaster and his wife4 ,they are young1 intelligent1 hopeful1 and they came out of ,yorkshire1 and have something to say of their experience in the ,north4 ,but they are just a little--undeniably a little sore1 just a little touchy3 they have a grievance4 ,when they first came down to ,x41 ,mrs4 ,rector did not leave her card on ,mrs4 ,petticogges4 ,it was a slight4 ,it was hoity-toity1 it was airified4 ,that is not all2 the farmers are not1 as you may say1 cordial with the schoolmaster2 and ,farmer ,gay1 the big man who holds #gjj acres in the next parish and gives lawn-tennis parties1 never had the grace to take any notice of the ,petticogges1 does not in fact know the ,petticogges4 ,meanwhile1 friend ,burney is manager of the school1 and by far the largest contributor to the funds1 and day by day he is in and out1 he and his daughters4 ,but there is no time to talk or confer4 ,the ,petticogges have their hands full2 when their day's work is over they have had enough of it4 ,round and round and round they go in the dreary mill2 every now and then there is a new regulation of ,my ,lords to worry them1 a new book to get up1 a new code to study4 ,then there are the pupil teachers to look after1 and returns to make up1 and all the dull routine which has to be got through4 ,how can an elementary schoolmaster in a remote country village be a reading-man1 or what motive has he to get out of the narrow groove in which he has been brought up8 ,the best teachers1 as a rule1 are they who know their work best and very little indeed outside it4 8,how is it that at ,dumpfield they don't get a larger grant80 ,i asked one day of an inspector noted for his shrewdness and good sense4 8,surely ,coxe is by far the ablest and most brilliant teacher for miles round2 he is almost a man of genius80 8,precisely so10 was the reply1 8the man's out of place4 ,these brilliant men with a touch of genius are a nuisance in an elementary school4 ,my dear fellow1 never let a man of views come into your school4 ,keep him out4 ,beware of the being who is for revolutionizing spelling and grammar60 ,mr4 ,petticogge is not a man of genius1 only a better sort of elementary schoolmaster1 and entirely absorbed in his work4 ,he1 too1 as all the members of his fraternity do1 occupies a position of isolation1 and between him and the parson there is just so much in common as to make each hold aloof from the other without making either of them congenial to their other neighbours4 ,as for the rest of friend ,burney's neighbours1 take them in the gross1 and you may say of them what the ticket-of-leave man said of the ,ten ,commandments2 8,they're rather a poor lot and you can't make much out of 'em40 ,i know no class of men who are less sociable than the smaller farmers1 as we reckon smallness in the ,east4 ,i mean the men who hold a couple of hundred acres and under4 ,it has often been laid to the charge of the great occupiers in ,west ,norfolk and elsewhere that in the good times they were lavish beyond all reason in their hospitalities4 ,i believe there never has been anything of the sort among the smaller men2 they are not unfriendly1 they are not wanting in cordiality1 but they are not companionable4 ,it is my privilege to know some who are notable exceptions to the all but universal rule4 ,i have not far to go from my own door to find one whom ,i never pay a visit to without pleasure and profit1 one who has for many years been a great reader of ,lord ,tennyson's poems1 has strong opinions on politics and the questions of the day1 a thoughtful1 resolute1 and true-hearted woman1 who farms a hundred acres of land without a bailiff1 and1 among other evidences of her good taste and intelligence1 is a diligent reader of the ,spectator4 ,but such are few and far between4 ,it is one of the trials of the country parson that1 as soon as he passes out of the stratum to which the labourer belongs1 he finds himself in a stratum where there is nothing that has any of the interest of originality1 picturesqueness1 or even passion4 ,the people who live and move in that stratum are dismally like the ticket-of-leave man's ten commandments4 ,my neighbours hardly believe me when ,i tell them ,i can see1 even among the smaller farmers1 much to admire1 much to respect1 and something to love2 but ,i do not wonder that many a country parson 8can't make much out of 'em40 ,these men are having rather a hard life just now1 but they have not to learn the most elementary lessons of thrift and frugality4 ,as a class they have always practised these virtues1 and as a class they are far less complaining than those who belong to the higher stratum2 they bear their burdens silently1 perhaps too silently1 and they tell you that it's no good grumbling--8that10 one of them said to me1 8only makes things worse1 'cause it makes you worse60 ,take them all in all1 they whom ,i have elsewhere called the little ones are usually those of his parishioners with whom the parson seldom comes into unpleasant relations2 they are usually very hard at work1 very practical1 very straightforward1 and very seldom indeed prone to give themselves airs4 ,it is often very different with the large occupiers4 ,in the good times the large farmers must have made very large profits1 the percentage upon the actual capital embarked 7unless my information has been strangely untrue1 and the calculations that have been laid before me strangely inaccurate7 being in many cases larger even than that which the shipowners earned in their good times4 ,is it to be wondered at that they became frequently intoxicated by their success1 and got to believe that they were a superior order on whom the welfare of the nation depended8 ,or1 again1 can we be surprised that their awakening from their dream has not been pleasurable1 and has somewhat soured them8 ,ten years ago a gentleman farmer--and every man who farmed #ejj acres was a gentleman farmer--looked down upon the retail tradesman as quite beneath him in station1 and regarded the parson as a respectable official whom it was the right thing to support1 though he might care very little for him and his ways4 ,in those days the farmer's sons and the parson's were frequently schoolfellows2 the young people drew together1 and the farmer's pupils too were another link between the farmhouse and the rectory4 ,the bad seasons and the fall in prices came together1 and the collapse was very rapid4 ,but in nine cases out of ten1 whereas the farmer's losses meant a disastrous abatement which extended over his whole income1 the parson felt the pinch only in the fall of the tithe or in the rent of his glebe4 ,his private fortune1 being for the most part settled1 remained as it was before4 ,in ,east ,anglia not #e per cent4 of the clergy are living upon the income of their benefices2 but ,i should be very much surprised to find that #e per cent4 of the tenant-farmers have any considerable investments outside their working capital4 ,the result is1 that though the clergy have suffered quite severely enough1 they have not suffered nearly so much as the farmers4 ,the one has had to submit to a painful loss of professional income1 and has had to fall back upon his private resources2 the other has too often found himself with his credit balance approaching the vanishing point1 the trade profit has been nil1 and there have been no dividends from investments outside the going concern to keep up the old style or meet the old expenditure4 ,when neighbours have been in the habit of meeting on equal terms1 and one goes on pretty much as before1 while the other has become a trifle shabby1 and has to consider every shilling that he spends1 it is almost inevitable that the poorer of the two should feel less cordial than before4 ,he revenges himself upon the laws of the universe by proclaiming that there is wrong and injustice somewhere4 ,why is he on the brink of ruin while the parson has only knocked off his riding horse1 or ceased to take his annual trip to the ,continent1 or lessened his establishment by a servant1 or it may be two8 ,he forgets that his neighbour is living upon the interest of realized property1 and that he himself has to live upon what he can make1 and upon that alone4 ,but what irritates the farmer most is that1 at the worst1 the parson is getting something out of the land while he is getting little or nothing2 and though he knows as well as any one else that the tithe stands for a first mortgage upon the land1 or for an annuity charged upon the land1 which takes precedence of every other payment2 and though he knows also that1 in too many instances1 he has himself to pay interest on the capital with which he has been pursuing his business1 and that this interest has to be provided for whether that business is carried on at a profit or a loss1 yet he persists in trying to convince himself that he was 8let in0 when he made himself liable for the tithes2 he tells you he has 8to pay the parson10 and he does not like it4 ,the parson is always en vidence1 the landlord is out of the way--almost an abstraction1 as the ,government is2 the agent must be submitted to1 so must the tax gatherer4 ,but the parson1 could he not be got rid of8 ,granted that it would all come to the same in the end1 and that if you could eliminate the parson the tithe would be laid on to the rent sooner or later1 yet it might be very much later1 and the end might be a long way off1 and in the meantime he1 the farmer1 would put the tithe into his own pocket and into that of no one else4 ,hence there smoulder in the minds of many the smoky embers of discontent1 and there is a coldness between the former friends4 ,we are conscious of it1 but we see no cure at present4 ,when the tithe comes to be paid by the landlord1 there may be a return to the old friendliness2 but the gratia male sarta always leaves traces of the rift4 ,i forbear from dwelling any longer upon this branch of the subject4 ,when men are sore and in danger of becoming soured1 then is the time for exercising a wise and tender reserve4 ,so far ,i have dealt with those trials which the country parson is exposed to from without2 that is1 such as arise from his intercourse with the wicked world--the wicked world that puts its cruel claw into his pocket1 or growls at him1 or glares at him1 or frightens him1 or laughs at him1 or tries to gobble him up4 ,but his trials do not end there4 ,he has relations with another world--that professional world to which he belongs in another sense than that by which he is regarded as a citizen4 ,as a clergyman he is a member of a class1 a profession1 a clique if you will1 which has a coherence and a homogeneity such as no other profession can lay claim to1 not even the profession of the law4 ,the lawyer may be half a dozen things at the same time--a trader1 a politician1 a practical agriculturist1 a land agent1 a coroner1 a steeple-chase rider1 a general ,jack-pudding4 ,everything brings grist to his mill1 and the more irons he has in the fire the larger will be the number and the more varied the character of his clients4 ,but the parson must be a clergyman1 and a clergyman only2 he is1 so to speak1 confined within the four walls of his clerical associations1 and if he steps beyond them he is always regarded with a certain measure of suspicion4 ,even literature1 unless there be a distinctly theological flavour about it1 he embarks in at his peril2 a clergyman who writes books is looked askance at1 as a person whose 8heart isn't in his work40 ,of course we get 8narrow-minded40 ,we all go about with an iron mask weighing upon us--hiding our handsome features1 interfering with our respiration1 stunting our growth4 ,that is not all1 though that is bad enough2 we are all ticketed and labelled in a way that no other class is4 ,of late years it appears that the rising generation of clerics has begun to insist more and more upon the necessity of this professional exclusiveness1 and desires to claim for itself the privileges of a caste4 ,it shaves off its nascent whiskers and glories in a stubby cheek2 it dresses in a hideous garment1 half petticoat1 half frock1 for the most part abominably ill made2 above all1 it rumples about its bullet head a slovenly abomination called a wide-awake1 as if that would preserve it from all suspicion of being sleepy and stupid1 and it adopts a tone and a vocabulary which shall be distinctive and as far as possible from the speech of ordinary ,englishmen4 8,we must close up our ranks10 said one of them to me1 8close up our ranks and present a united front1 and show the world that we are prepared to hang together1 act together1 march together4 ,we have been atoms too long2 we want coherence1 my dear sir--coherence4 ,we are moving towards the general adoption of the ,catholic cassock60 8,do you mean to say10 ,i answered1 8that you will persist in sporting that emasculated felt turbanette till you arrive at the general adoption of the cassock8 ,then1 in the name of all the lines of beauty1 on with the cassock1 but away with the wide-awake60 ,i'm afraid my young friend was hurt2 suspected me of some covert profanity1 and deplored my flagrant want of esprit de corps4 ,and yet ,i have been almost a worshipper of ,burke from my boyhood1 and was early so impregnated with the fundamental positions of the ,thoughts on the ,causes of our present ,discontents that1 if ,i only could choose my party1 ,i should follow my leader to prison or to death1 and do his bidding1 1 never looking behind me4 ,unhappily in matters political the curse of a flabby amorphous eclecticism is upon too many of us2 watching the conflict of principles or policies in a dazed and bewildered frame of mind1 we persuade ourselves that we are philosophically impartial when we are only indolently indifferent4 8,which train are you going by1 sir--up or down80 8,i'll wait and see60 ,and both engines rush out and leave the unhappy vacillator to his reveries1 till by-and-by the platform is cleared and the station is shut up for the night1 and the gas lamps are turned down2 and there is no moon and no stars and no shelter1 and the wind is rising4 ,but ever since ,i have1 so to speak1 taken the shilling and entered the ,church's service and put myself under orders1 ,i have loyally stood up for my cloth1 and ,i am quite willing to bear the reproaches of that service where there are any to bear4 ,we clergy get a good deal of stupid and very vulgar ridicule hurled at us1 and we cannot very well retaliate4 ,it is a case of ,athanasius contra mundum4 ,the 8world0 is very big and rather unassailable1 and we of the minority are apt to assume that we can afford to hold our peace1 that we gain by turning the right cheek to him who smites us on the left1 and that we should lose by giving a foul-mouthed liar and coward a drubbing and tossing him into the horse-pond4 ,we stand upon the defensive4 ,we have hardly any other choice4 ,but it is rather trying to have to answer for all the sins1 negligences1 and ignorances1 the follies and the bad taste of all who wear the wide-awake4 ,as far as the instances of downright wickedness and immorality go1 ,i think nobody will pretend that any class in the community can show such a clean bill of health as the clergy4 ,as ,i look round me upon my clerical brethren of all ages and all opinions1 ,i can honestly say ,i do not know one of them whose daily life is not free from reproach or suspicion4 ,during all my life ,i have never myself known more than one beneficed clergyman who was a real black sheep4 ,that there are such men of course ,i cannot doubt1 but their aggregate number constitutes1 ,i am sure1 a very small percentage of the class which they disgrace by being included in it4 ,surely it is very trying and very irritating to have such instances brought up against you1 not as rare exceptions1 but as examples of the general rule4 ,our ,nonconformist neighbours know all about such cases1 and cannot understand why they should exist4 ,they know that a ,wesleyan or a ,congregational minister who should underlie any grave suspicion would infallibly disappear from the neighbourhood in a week4 ,why should the rector of ,z----1 whose intemperance has been clearly proved1 be allowed to return to his parish after his term of suspension1 and begin again to minister among the same people whose sense of decency he has outraged till it was past all bearing8 ,you tell your ,nonconformist friend that it cannot be helped because the reverend sot has got a freehold in his benefice4 8,oh1 it can't be helped1 can't it80 he answers2 8that's it1 is it8 ,the law ain't to blame1 and the bishop ain't to blame1 and the churchwardens ain't to blame1 and1 according to that1 the parson ain't to blame neither1 except that the old fool's been and got found out40 ,these people know that such scandals are impossible at the chapels2 they are not impossible at the churches2 they know that the deacons1 and the elders1 and the conference1 or whatever the power may be that keeps up the discipline1 comes down with swift severity in the one case1 and the rural dean and archdeacons and the bishops are all but powerless in the other4 ,in many cases the influence of a bad example1 or the memory of a shameful reputation1 is avoided by giving an incumbent indefinite leave of absence2 but this is1 after all1 only a confession of weakness1 and the fact that the parson still takes the income of the benefice1 though his work is done by another1 that itself is a scandal4 ,ecclesiastical reformers1 lay or clerical1 who stop short of dealing with the subject of the parson's freehold1 are merely hacking and lopping the branches in the vain hope of saving the tree4 ,if the thing is rotten1 let it die placidly1 or let it be cut down bravely4 ,where you have not the pluck to do the one thing1 why fidget about the other8 ,happily1 however1 we are not much troubled with 8criminous clerks10 we country parsons4 ,the regular out-and-out bad ones usually retire into holes and corners1 and they are but few and far between4 ,we hear of them much more from our ,meetingers than from any one else4 ,the ,meetinger keeps himself posted up with the last clerical escapade1 and fires it off at us when he gets a chance1 and the old argument has to be gone over again1 and the parson goes home feeling that he was born to be badgered1 and that he must expect it even to the end of the world4 ,it may seem strange to the inexperienced1 but it is none the less true1 that we suffer a great deal more from the best of our brethren than we do from the worst4 ,they are the over-zealous1 who are determined to change the face of the world and revolutionize society and reform everything1 and improve everybody1 and who cannot leave things alone to develop and grow1 who make their fellow-creatures' lives a burden to them4 ,when we are young we have such unbounded faith in ourselves1 and such unbounded ignorance and inexperience4 ,the world is all before us1 and all to conquer and remodel2 our seniors are sad fogeys1 so slow1 so stiff1 so cautious4 ,there is so much dust everywhere and upon everything4 ,our brooms are so new1 so swishy1 and our arms so strong4 ,we have our wits about us1 and our senses all keen and sharp4 ,we find it hard to believe that we have not been called into being to do a great deal of sweeping and getting rid of cobwebs4 ,i love to see the young fellows all bubbling over with energy1 and all aflame with fiery zeal2 ,i would not have it otherwise4 ,god bless them6 say ,i1 but they do rout us about very uncomfortably1 and they are very foolish4 ,it was only the other day that ,i was asked to go and visit a church to which a very hurricane of a man had been recently appointed1 and which he had already set himself to restore4 ,he knew no more about church architecture than ,i do about ,sanskrit1 and less about history than ,i do about chemistry4 ,he had a small army of bricklayers picking and slopping about the sacred edifice1 tearing down this and digging up that and smalming over the other4 ,and this reverend worthy had not even consulted the parish clerk6 8,of course you have had a faculty for all this80 ,i suggested4 8,not ,i6 ,faculty indeed6 ,i have to save all the expense ,i can4 ,i have made up my mind to have nothing whatever to do with any officials or professionals of any sort or kind2 ,i'm my own architect60 ,now1 if a man chooses to be his own tailor1 nobody will be much the worse and nobody will much care2 but when a man sets himself to 8restore0 a church by the light of nature1 it is a much more serious matter1 and it is almost beyond belief what a brisk and bouncing young fellow1 with the best intentions1 and an immeasurable fund of ignorance to fall back upon1 can do without any one interfering with him4 ,you tell him he'll get into a scrape--that the bishop will be down upon him--that there are such things as law courts4 ,he smiles the benevolent smile of superior wisdom1 and dashes on with heroic valour4 ,if he calls himself a ,ritualist1 he gets rid of the ,jacobean pulpit1 or the royal arms1 or the ten commandments1 and sets up a construction which he calls a reredos1 all tinsel and putty and papier mch2 hurls away the old pews before you know where you are1 nails the brasses to the walls1 sets up a lectern1 and intones the service1 keeping well within the chancel1 from which he firmly banishes all worshippers who are not males4 ,as for that gallery at the west end where the singers used to sit for a couple of centuries1 and never failed to take their part with conscious pride in their own performances1 that is abomination in his eyes--that must go of course1 8to throw out the belfry arch1 you see1 and to bring the ringers into closer connection with the worship of the sanctuary40 8,i love to see the bell ropes10 said one of these dear well-meaning young clergymen to me4 8,they are a constant lesson and reminder to us1 my friend4 ,did you ever read ,durandus on ,symbolism8 ,that is a very precious observation of his1 that a bell rope symbolises humility--it always hangs down40 ,but if an energetic young reformer calls himself an ,evangelical1 he is1 if possible1 a more dangerous innovator than the other4 ,then the axes and hammers come in with a vengeance4 ,none of your pagan inscriptions for him1 teaching false doctrine and popery4 ,none of your ,orate pro anima1 none of your crosses and remains of frescoes on his walls2 ,st4 ,christopher with the ,child upon his shoulder wading through the stream1 ,st4 ,sebastian stuck all over with arrows1 or ,st4 ,peter with those very objectionable keys4 ,as for the rood screen1 away with it6 ,are we not all kings and priests8 ,if you must have a division between the chancel and the nave1 set up the pulpit there1 tall1 prominent1 significant2 and if the preacher can't be heard1 then learn the lesson which our grandfathers taught us1 and let there be a sounding-board4 ,the serious part of all this passionate meddling with the status quo ante is that any young incumbent can come in and play the wildest havoc with our old churches without any one interfering with him4 ,the beneficed cleric is master of the situation1 and is frightfully more so now that ,church rates have been abolished than he was before4 ,it is no one's interest to open his mouth2 is he not inducted into possession of the sacred building1 and is he not therefore tenant for life of the freehold8 ,as long as he makes himself liable for all the expense1 it is surely better to let him have his way4 8,i ain't a going to interfere10 says one after another2 and in six weeks a church which had upon its walls and floors1 upon its tower and its roof1 upon its windows and its doors1 upon its every stone and timber1 the marks and evidences which constituted a continuous chronicle1 picturing--not telling--a tale of the faith and hope1 and folly and errors1 and devotion and sorrow1 and striving after a higher ideal and painful groping for more light in the gloom--a tale that goes back a thousand years1 a tale of the rude forefathers of the village world which still regards the house of ,god as somehow its own--in six weeks1 ,i say1 all this is as effectually obliterated as if a ton of dynamite had been exploded in one of the vaults1 and the genius of smugness had claimed the comminuted fragments as her own4 ,then there is the mania for decorations too4 ,i like to see them2 ,i am sure the new fashion has been the occasion for awakening a great deal of interest in1 and something approaching proud affection for1 our old churches2 but here again people1 with every desire to be reverential and to do the right thing1 succeed amazingly in doing just the wrong one4 ,have ,i not seen a most beautiful fourteenth-century rood screen literally riddled with tin tacks and covered with various coloured paper roses1 festooned in fluffy frills of some cheap material on which languid dandelions and succulent bluebells lolled damply at the ,eastertide8 ,next time ,i saw that exquisite work of art1 lo6 there was a ,st4 ,lawrence with his eye put out and two holes in his forehead1 and between the lips of a ,st4 ,barbara1 who for her loveliness might have been painted by ,carlo ,crivelli1 there protruded a bent nail which looked for all the world like an old tobacco pipe4 ,who can 8restore0 that precious rood screen or repair the damage wrought in an hour by the decorators turned loose into that meek little church a year ago8 ,i think the average laymen who live in the towns can have very little notion of what the parson suffers when he finds himself turned into a church in which he has to officiate for the rest of his life1 and which his predecessor has mauled and mangled and murdered1 leaving no more life in it than there is among the wax figures at ,madame ,tussaud's4 8,but do not these rash and furious young zealots of whom you have spoken burn their fingers sometimes1 and does not the bishop sometimes come down upon them80 ,yes6 very often1 after the mischief has been done4 ,i knew one monster who upon his glebe had some seven of the noblest oak trees in the county of ,norfolk4 ,lucus ligna was his view of the case1 and he sold them all4 ,down they came every tree of them4 ,some said he wanted to see how the landscape would look without them1 some that he wanted to go to ,norway1 and there are plenty of trees there4 ,the patron of the living called that man to account1 and ,i am told made him disgorge the proceeds of his ill-gotten gains2 and the bishop is generally believed to have sent him a mandate to put back those trees in their former position4 ,but that clerical monster1 though he plays the fiddle to put ,amphion to shame1 has never learnt ,amphion's tune or cared to charm back the giant vegetables that were once the pride and glory of the countryside4 ,in the days when the wicked received their reward in this world a thousand evil-doers have been hanged for crimes incomparably less injurious to the community at large than that which lies to the charge of this reverend sinner2 but he enjoys the income of his benefice to this day1 and grows willows instead of oaks1 not to turn to the use which ,timon recommended to one of his visitors1 but to turn into cash2 for they grow fast1 and the manufacturers of cricket bats are hard put to it to supply the demand for their wares4 ,what we want is to make it at least a misdemeanour punishable by imprisonment for the parson to touch the fabric of the church under any circumstances whatever1 except with the consent and under the license of some external authority4 ,but that implies that the ownership of the church should no longer be vested in a corporation sole4 ,it brings us again face to face with the whole question of the parson's freehold1 and how long is that mischievous legal fiction--which is1 however1 a very stubborn legal fact--to be endured8 ,if ,i were to go on in this vein1 and dwell upon all the parson has to suffer from his predecessors--the man who built the house two miles from the parish church2 the man who added to it to find room for a score of pupils2 the man who loved air1 or the man who loved water1 or the man who loved society1 or the man who bred horses1 or the man who turned the rectory into a very lucrative lunatic asylum--,i should tire out my reader's patience1 and the more so that there are other trials about which it is advisable that ,i should utter my querulous wail4 ,i know one clergyman who1 though ordained some forty years ago1 has never written or preached a sermon in his life2 but ,i only know one4 ,his is perhaps a unique case4 ,as a rule1 we all begin by being curates--that is1 we begin by learning our business as subordinates4 ,it would be truer to say we used to begin that way2 but subordination is dying out all over the world1 and in the ministry of the ,church of ,england subordination is a virtue which is in articulo mortis4 ,nowadays a young fellow at twenty-three1 who has become a reverend gentleman for just a week1 poses at once as the guide1 philosopher1 and friend of the whole human race4 ,he poses as a great teacher4 ,it is not only that he delivers the oracles with authoritative sententiousness from the tripod1 but he has no doubts and no hesitation about anything in earth or heaven4 ,he fortifies himself with a small collection of brand-new words which you1 poor ignorant creature1 don't know the meaning of4 ,you feel rather 8out of it0 when he gravely calls your gloves ,mannaries 7he does not wear them71 and your dressing-gown a ,poderis2 expresses his mournful regret that there is no ,scuophylacium in the ,presbytery1 nor any ,bankers on the walls2 gently admonishes you for standing bareheaded by the grave at your time of life1 when prudence would suggest1 and ecclesiastical precedent would recommend1 the use of the ,anabata2 tells you he always goes about with a ,totum under his arm1 and a ,virge in his right hand4 ,when he vanishes you slyly peep into your ,du ,cange1 but the ,bankers are quite too much for you4 ,i am not much more ignorant than other men of my age1 but ,i never did pretend to omniscience1 and when ,i don't know a thing ,i am not ashamed of asking questions4 ,but our modern curates never ask questions4 8,inquire within upon everything10 seems to be stamped upon every line of their placid faces4 ,when ,i was a young curate ,i was very shy and timid1 and held my dear rector in some awe4 ,it might have been hoped that as the years went by ,i should have grown out of this weakness--but no6 ,i am horribly afraid of the curates now4 ,i dare hardly open my mouth before my superiors1 and that they are my superiors ,i should not for a moment presume to question4 ,i know my place1 and ,i tremble lest ,i should betray my silliness by speaking unadvisedly with my lips4 ,all this is very trying to a man who will never see sixty again4 ,the hoary head is no crown at all to the eyes of the young and learned4 ,they don't yet cry out at me1 8,go up1 thou baldhead10 but ,i can't help suspecting that they're only waiting to do it sooner or later4 ,for myself ,i have1 unfortunately1 never been able to afford to engage the services of a clergyman who should assist me in my ministrations4 ,so much the worse for me1 and so much the worse for my parish4 ,when ,i am no longer able to do my own pastoral work1 ,i shall feel the pinch of poverty2 but ,i am resolved to be very meek to my curate when he shall vouchsafe to take me under his protection4 ,i will do as ,i am told4 ,it is a very serious fact1 however1 which we cannot but think of with anxiety1 that since the ,curate ,market rose1 as it did some fifteen or twenty years ago1 there has been a large incursion of young men into the ministry of the ,church of ,england who are not gentlemen by birth1 education1 sentiment1 or manners1 and who bring into the profession 7regarded as a mere profession7 no capital of any sort--no capital ,i mean of money1 brains1 culture1 enthusiasm1 or force of character4 ,this is bad enough1 but there is a worse behind it4 ,these young curates almost invariably marry1 and the last state of that man is worse than the first4 ,my friends assure me1 and my observation confirms it1 that the domestic career of these young people is sometimes very pathetic4 ,sanguine1 affectionate1 simple-minded and childlike1 they learn the hard lessons of life all too late1 and their experience comes to them1 as ,coleridge said1 8like the stern lights of a ship1 throwing a glare only upon the path behind40 ,when their children come upon them with the usual rapidity1 it is but rarely that we country parsons keep these married curates among us4 ,they emigrate into the towns for the sake of educating their progeny1 or because they soon find out that there is no hope of preferment for them among the villages4 ,when there is no family1 or when the bride has brought her spouse some small accession of income1 the couple stay where they are for years till somebody gives them a small living1 and there they do as others do4 ,but in the first exuberance of youth1 and when the youthful pair are highly delighted with the position that has been acquired1 he is profoundly impressed with the sense of his importance1 and she exalted at the notion of having married a 8clergyman and a gentleman20 he is apt to be stuck up1 and she is very apt to be huffy4 ,it's bad enough to be associated officially with an underbred man1 but it's a great deal worse to find yourself brought into social relations1 which cannot be avoided1 with an underbred woman4 ,the curate's wife is sometimes a very dreadful personage1 but then most dreadful when she is a 8young person0 of your own parish who has angled for the clerical stickleback and landed him4 ,the ,rev4 ,percy ,de la ,pole was a courtly gentleman1 sensitive1 fastidious1 and just a trifle1 a little trifle1 distant in his demeanour4 ,his curate1 the ,rev4 ,giles ,goggs1 was a worthy young fellow enough1 painstaking and assiduous1 anxious to do his duty1 and not at all airified4 ,we all liked him till ,rebecca ,busk overcame him4 ,mr4 ,de la ,pole was cautious and reserved by temperament2 but who has never committed a mistake8 ,in an evil hour--how could he have been so imprudent8--he gently warned the curate against the wiles of ,miss ,busk and her family1 telling him that she was far from being a desirable match1 and going to the length of saying plainly that she was making very indelicate advances4 8,all that may be quite true10 replied ,mr4 ,goggs1 8but ,i am sure you will soon change your opinion4 ,i come in now to let you know that ,i am engaged to be married to ,miss ,busk40 ,from that day our reverend neighbour had so bad a time of it that it is commonly believed his valuable life was shortened by his sufferings4 ,i am afraid some people behaved very cruelly1 for they could not help laughing4 ,mrs4 ,goggs took her revenge in the most vicious way4 ,on all public occasions she clasped the rector's arm and looked up in his face with the tenderest interest4 ,she tripped across lawns at garden parties to pluck him by the sleeve1 screamed out with shrill delight when he appeared1 called him her dear old father confessor1 giggled and smirked and patted him1 and fairly drove him out of the place at last by finding that he had twice preached borrowed sermons1 and keeping the discovery back till the opportune moment arrived1 when1 at a large wedding party1 she shook her greasy little ringlets at him with a wicked laugh1 exclaiming1 8,ah6 you dear old sly-boots1 when you can speak like that why do you preach the ,penny ,pulpit to us80 ,the wretched victim could not hold up his head after that1 and when a kind neighbour strongly advised him to dismiss the curate whose wife was unbearable1 the broken-down old gentleman feebly objected4 8,my dear friend1 ,i may have an opportunity of getting preferment for ,mr4 ,goggs some day1 but in the meantime ,i have no power to send away my curate because his wife--well1 because his wife is not nice40 ,it often happens that the parson has to go away from his parish for some months1 and he finds considerable difficulty in getting any one to take charge of it during his absence4 ,at the eleventh hour he is compelled to take the last chance applicant4 ,and behold1 he and his parishioners are given over to a locum tenens4 ,this is nothing more than saying that he has put himself into the power of a man with a loose end4 ,when the worthy rector of ,corton-in-the-,brake had reached his fiftieth year1 he obtained an accession of fortune and gave out that he intended to marry4 ,he furnished his house anew at a great expense1 and found no difficulty in getting a wife4 ,then he vowed that he would go to the south of ,france for the winter1 and get a curate4 ,he was a prim and punctilious personage1 and he did not mean to deal shabbily with his substitute4 ,but two things he insisted on3 first1 that this locum tenens should be married1 and secondly that he should be childless4 ,he got exactly the right man at last1 a scholarly1 well-dressed1 and evidently accomplished gentleman1 who spoke of ,mrs4 ,connor with respectful confidence and affection1 who had been married ten years1 and had no family1 who made no difficulties except that the stables were1 he feared1 inconveniently too small1 but he would make shift4 ,with a mind relieved and a blissful honeymoon before him1 the ,rev4 ,john ,morris set out for ,nice--in the days when the railway system was not as complete as now--and the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,connor arrived at the rectory the next ,saturday afternoon4 ,mrs4 ,connor came too1 with fourteen brindled bulldogs--young and old4 ,that was her speciality1 and she gave her whole mind to keeping the breed pure and making large sums by every litter4 ,during the following week appeared seven pupils1 the rejected of several public schools1 who were committed to the care of ,mr4 ,connor to be kept out of their parents' sight and to 8prepare for the ,university40 ,mrs4 ,connor kept no female servants4 ,not a woman or a girl dared pass the rectory gate4 ,the ,connors had a man cook and men housemaids4 ,the bulldogs would prowl about the neighbourhood in threes and fours with a slow shuffling trot1 sniffing1 growling1 turning their hideous blood-shot eyes at you1 undecided whether or not to tear you limb from limb2 and then passing on with menacing contempt4 ,sometimes there were rumours of horrible fights2 no one dared to separate the brutes except ,mrs4 ,connor4 ,once the two mightiest of the bulldogs got 8locked10 as the head man expressed it4 8,what did you do80 8,do8 ,why ,i shrook out to ,billy to hang on1 and ,i called the ,missus1 and she gave 'em the hot un1 and they give in60 ,the hot un turned out to be a thin bar of steel with a wooden handle which was always kept ready for use in the kitchen fire1 and which ,mrs4 ,connor had her own method of applying red hot so as to paralyze the canine culprit without blemishing him4 ,but imagine the condition of that newly furnished parsonage when the poor rector came back to his home4 ,it is easy for everybody else to look only at the ludicrous side1 but the clerical sufferer has to bear the real bitterness of such an experience1 and to him the mere damage to his property is the least part of the business4 ,everybody says sulkily1 8,why were we left to such a man as that80 ,for the country parson has to answer for all the sins and short-comings of those whom he leaves to represent himself2 all their indiscretions1 their untidiness1 their careless reading1 their bad preaching1 their irreverence or their foolery1 their timidity or their violence1 their ignorance or their escapades4 ,one man is horribly afraid of catching the measles2 another 8has never been accustomed to cows0 and will not go where they are2 a third is a woman-hater1 and week by week bawls out strong language against the other sex1 beginning with ,eden and ending with ,babylon4 ,the absentee returns to find everything has been turned topsy-turvy4 ,the locum tenens has set every one by the ears1 altered the times of service1 broken your pony's knees1 had your dog poisoned for howling at the moon1 or kept a monkey in your drawing-room4 ,people outside laugh1 but when you are the sufferer1 and the conviction is forced upon you that harm has been done which you cannot hope to see repaired1 you are not so likely to laugh as to do the other thing4 ,shall ,i go on to dwell upon the aggrieved parishioner1 the amenities of the ,school ,board1 the anxieties of the school treat1 the scenes at the meetings of the ,poor-law guardians1 the faithful laity who come to expostulate1 to ask your views and to set you right8 ,shall ,i8 ,shall ,i dwell upon the occasional sermons which some delegate from some society comes and fulminates against you and your people8 ,nay6 ,silence on some parts of our experience is golden4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when we have said all that need be said about the minor vexations and worries which are incident to the country parson's life1 and which1 like all men who live in isolation1 he is apt to exaggerate1 there is something still behind it all which only a few feel to be an evil at all1 and which those who do feel1 for many good reasons1 are shy of speaking about2 partly because they know it to be incurable1 partly because if they do touch upon it they are likely to be tabulated among the dissatisfied1 or are credited with unworthy motives which they know in their hearts that they are not swayed by4 ,that which really makes the country parson's position a cheerless and trying one is its absolute finality4 ,dante's famous line ought to be carved upon the lintel of every country parsonage in ,england4 ,when the new rector on his induction takes the key of the church1 locks himself in1 and tolls the bell1 it is his own passing bell that he is ringing4 ,he is shutting himself out from any hope of a further career upon earth4 ,he is a man transported for life1 to whom there will come no reprieve4 ,whether he be the sprightly and sanguine young bachelor of twenty-four who takes the family living2 or the podgy plebeian whose uncle the butcher has bought the advowson for a song2 or the college tutor1 fastidious1 highly cultured1 even profoundly learned1 who has accepted university preferment2 or the objectionable and quarrelsome man1 whom it was necessary to provide for by 8sending into the country02--be he who he may1 gifted or very much the reverse1 careless or earnest1 slothful or zealous1 genial1 eloquent1 wise1 and notoriously successful in his ministrations1 or the veriest stick and humdrum that ever snivelled through a homily--from the day that he accepts a country benefice he is a shelved man1 and is put upon the retired list as surely as the commander in the navy who disappears on half-pay4 ,i do not mean only that the country parson is never promoted to the higher dignities in the ,church1 or that cathedral preferment is very rarely bestowed upon him2 but ,i do mean that he is never moved from the benefice in which he has once been planted4 ,you may ply me with instances to the contrary here and there1 but they are instances only numerous enough to illustrate the universality of the law which prevails--,once a country parson always a country parson2 where he finds himself there he has to stay4 ,as long as the patronage of ecclesiastical preferment in the ,church of ,england remains in the hands it has remained in for a thousand years and more1 and as long as the tenure of the benefice continues to be as it is and as it has been since feudal times1 ,i can see no remedy and no prospect that things should go on otherwise than they do now4 ,give a man some future in whatever position you put him1 and he will be content to give you all his best energies1 his time1 his strength1 his fortune1 in return for the chance of recognition that he may sooner or later reasonably look forward to2 but there is no surer way of making the ablest man a fainant at the best1 a soured and angry revolutionist at the second best1 and something even more odious and degraded at the worst1 than to shut him up in a cage like ,sterne's starling1 and bid him sing gaily and hop briskly from perch to perch till the end of his days1 with a due supply of sopped bread crumbs and hemp seed found for him from hour to hour1 and a sight of the outer world granted him--only through the bars4 ,there is a something which appeals to our pity in every carrire manqu4 ,the statesman who made one false step1 the soldier who at the crisis of his life was out-generalled1 the lawyer who began so well but who proved not quite strong enough for the strain he had to bear--we meet them now and then where we should least have expected to find them1 the obliterated heroes of the hour1 and we say with a kindly sigh1 8,this man might have had another chance40 ,but each of these has had his chance2 they have worked up to a position and have forfeited it when it has been proved they were in the wrong place2 they have gone into the battle of life1 and the fortune of war has gone against them2 tried by the judgment of that world which is so 8cold to all that might have been10 they have been found wanting2 they have had to step aside1 and make way for abler men than themselves4 ,but up and down the land in remote country parsonages--counting by the hundreds--there are to be found those who have never had1 and never will have1 any chance at all of showing what stuff is in them--sometimes men of real genius shrivelled1 men of noble intellect1 its expansion arrested1 men fitted to lead and rule1 men of force of character and power of mind1 who from the day that they entered upon the charge of a rural parish have had never a chance of deliverance from ,the dull mechanic pacing to and fro1 ,the set grey life and apathetic end4 ,you might as well expect from such as these that they should be able to break away from their surroundings1 or fail to be dwarfed and cramped by them1 as expect that ,robinson ,crusoe should develop into a sagacious politician4 8,pathos10 did ,i say8 ,how often have ,i heard the casual visitor to our wilds exclaim with half-incredulous wonder1 8,what1 that ,parkins8 ,why1 he used to walk the streets of ,camford like a god6 ,he carried all before him4 ,the younger dons used to say the world was at his feet--a ball that he might kick over what goal he might please to choose4 ,and was that other really the great ,dawkins1 whose lectures we used to hear of with such envy1 we of ,st4 ,chad's ,college1 who had to content ourselves with little ,smug's platitudes8 ,dawkins6 ,how ,st4 ,mary's used to be crowded when he preached6 ,old ,dr4 ,stokes used to say ,dawkins had too much fire and enthusiasm for ,oxbridge4 ,he called him ,savonarola1 and he meant it for a sneer4 ,and that's ,dawkins6 ,how are the mighty fallen60 ,i lay innocent traps for my casuals now and then1 when ,i can persuade some of the effaced ones to come and dine with us1 but it is often just a little too sad4 ,they are like the ghosts of the heroic dead4 ,men of sixty1 old before their time2 the broad massive brow1 with the bar of ,michael ,angelo1 is there1 but--the eyes that used to flash and kindle have grown dim and sleepy1 those lips that curled with such fierce scorn1 or quivered with such glad playfulness or subtle drollery--it seems as if it were yesterday--have become stiff and starched4 ,poverty has come and hope has gone4 ,dawkins knew so little about the matter that he actually believed he only required to get a pied terre such as a college living would afford him1 and a 7nominal7 income of #gjj a year1 and there would be a fresh world to conquer as easy to subdue as the old ,academic world which was under his feet4 ,poor ,dawkins6 ,poor ,parkins6 ,poor any one who finds himself high and dry some fine morning on his island home1 while between him and the comrades who helped him to his fate the distance widens2 for him there is no escape1 no sailing back4 ,there are the fruits of the earth1 and the shade of the trees1 and the wreckage of other barks that have stranded there2 but there is no to-morrow with a different promise from to-day's1 nor even another islet to look to when this one has been made the most of and explored1 only the resource of acquiescence as he muses on the things that were1 ,gazing far out foamward4 ,such men as these ,i have in my mind were never meant to be straitened and poor4 ,they never calculated upon six or eight children who have to be educated2 the real dreariness of the prospect1 its crushing unchangeableness only gradually reveals itself to them2 they shut their eyes not so much because they will not as because they cannot believe that such as they have no future4 ,their first experience of life led up to the full conviction that character and brain-power must sooner or later bring a man to the first rank--what did it matter where a man cast anchor for a time8 ,so they burnt their ships bravely1 8hope like a fiery column before them1 the dark side not yet turned40 ,but suppose there was no scope for the brains and consequently no demand for them8 ,we in the wilderness have abundance of butter and eggs1 but keep these commodities long enough1 and they infallibly grow a trifle stale4 ,people say with some indignation1 8,what a pity1 what a shame1 that ,parkins and ,dawkins should be buried as they are60 ,no1 that is not the shame nor the pity2 the shame is that1 being buried1 they should have no hope of being dug up again4 ,yonder splendid larva may potentially be a much more splendid imago2 let it bury itself by all means1 but do not keep it for ever below ground4 ,do not say to it1 8,once there1 you must stop there1 there and there only4 ,for such as you there shall be no change1 your resting place shall inevitably be your grave40 ,but if it be a melancholy spectacle to see the wreck of a man of great intellect and noble nature1 whom banishment in his prime and poverty in his old age have blighted2 scarcely less saddening is the sight of the active and energetic young man of merely ordinary abilities to whom a country living has come in his youth and vigour1 and once for all has stunted his growth and extinguished his ambition4 ,there is no man more out of place1 and who takes longer to fit into his place1 than the worthy young clergyman who has been ordained to a town curacy1 kept for four or five years at all the routine work of a large town parish1 worked and admirably organized as--thank ,god6--most large town parishes are1 and who1 at eight or nine and twenty1 is dropped down suddenly into a small village1 and told that there he is to live and die4 ,he does not know a horse from a cow4 ,he has had his regular work mapped out for him by his superior officer as clearly as if he were a policeman4 ,he has been part of a very complex machinery1 religious1 educational1 eleemosynary4 ,every hour has been fully occupied1 so occupied that he has lost all the habits of reading and study which he ever possessed4 ,he has to preach at least one hundred sermons in the course of the year1 and there is not a single one in his very small repertory that is in the least suitable for the new congregation2 and for the first time in his life he finds himself called upon to stand alone with no one to consult1 no one to lean on1 no one to help him1 and in so much a worse condition than the aforesaid ,robinson ,crusoe that the indigenous sons of the soil come and stare at him with an eye to their chances of getting a meal out of him1 or making a meal off him1 in the meantime doing1 as the wicked always have done since the ,psalmist's days1 making mouths at him and ceasing not6 ,talk of college dons being thrown away upon a handful of bumpkins6 ,you forget that the cultured ,academic has almost always some resources within himself1 some tastes1 some pursuits2 and if he spends too many hours in his library1 at any rate his time does not hang so very heavily upon his hands4 ,when he goes among his people he will always have something to tell them which they did not know before1 and something to inquire of them which they will be glad to tell him about4 ,but your young city curate pitchforked into a rural benefice when all his sympathies and habits and training are of the streets streety1 is the most forlorn1 melancholy1 and dazed of all human creatures4 ,an omnibus driver compelled to keep a lighthouse could scarcely be more deserving of our commiseration4 ,ask him in his moments of candour and depression1 when he realizes that he has reached the limit of his earthly hopes1 when he has been in his parsonage long enough to know that he will never leave it for any other cure1 when he realizes that he must 7by the nature of the case1 and by the unalterable law which prevails for such as he7 wax poorer and poorer year by year1 and that men may come and men may go1 but he will stay where he is till he drops--ask him what he thinks of the bliss of a country living1 its independence1 its calm1 its sweetness1 its security1 above all1 ask him whether he does not think the great charm of his position is that he can never be turned out of it1 and ,i think you will find some of these young fellows impatiently giving you just the answer you did not expect4 ,i am sure you will find some among them who will reply3 8,it is a useful life for a time4 ,it is a happy life for a time4 ,for a time there is a joy in the country parson's life which no other life can offer2 but we have come to see that this boasted fixity of tenure is the weak point1 not the strong one2 it is movement we want among us1 not stagnation2 the ,parson's ,freehold is a fraud40 ,our vehement young friends in the first warmth of their conversion to new ideas are apt to express themselves with more force than elegance1 and to push their elders somewhat rudely from behind4 ,but they mean what they say1 and ,i am glad they are coming to think as they do4 ,as for us1 the veterans who have lived through sixty summers and more1 there is no cloud of promise for us in the horizon4 ,we are not the men who have anything to gain by any change2 we know the corner of the churchyards where our bones will lie4 ,we do not delude ourselves2 some of us never looked for any career when we retired into the wilderness4 ,we asked for a refuge only1 and that we have found4 ,oh1 ,hope of all the ends of the earth1 is it a small thing that for the remainder of our days we are permitted to witness for ,thee among the poor and sad and lowly ones8 ,but you1 the strong and young and fervid1 take heed how you leave the life of the camp1 its stir and throb and discipline1 too soon4 ,take heed how before the time you join the reserve1 only to discover too late that you are out of harmony with your surroundings1 that you are fretting against the narrowness of the inclosure within which you are confined1 that there is for you no outlook--none--only a bare subsistence and a safe berth1 as there is for other hulks laid up to rot at ease4 ,if that discovery comes upon you soon enough1 break away6 ,make the change that will not come1 and leave others to chuckle over their fixity of tenure1 and their security1 and their trumpery boast that 8no one can turn them out40 ,but let us have your testimony before we part--you and we4 ,bear witness ,yes or ,no6 ,has the consciousness of occupying a position from which you could never be removed raised you in your own estimation1 or helped you for one single moment to do your duty8 ,has it never kept you down8 ,frauds are for the weak1 not for the strong--for the coward1 not for the brave2 they are for those who only live to rust at ease1 as if to breathe were life2 they are not for such as make the ventures of ,faith1 and help their brethren to overcome the world4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,church ,,and ,,the ,,villages4 ,few men can have watched the movements of opinion during the last few years without being impressed by the change of attitude observable in the two contending parties engaged upon the assault and defence of the possessions of that mysterious entity which goes by the name of the ,church of ,england4 ,this entity it must be premised1 so far as it has a collective existence1 exists in the person of certain officials who are supposed to be devoting their lives to certain duties1 and are in the possession of funds which1 after every deduction from the grossly exaggerated estimates of the rhetoricians1 are certainly large1 and yet are being added to every week by the lavish offerings of the ,english people4 ,we must go back to a remote past if we desire to trace the origin of that reserve fund for the maintenance of our clergy on which they now live2 a fund which has gone on growing1 sometimes rapidly1 sometimes slowly1 for considerably more than a thousand years4 ,when people talk of disendowing the ,church of ,england1 they mean that this accumulated fund shall be confiscated by the nation for whose benefit it exists1 and that it shall no longer be used for the purpose to which it has been so long devoted4 ,but what is this ,church that it is to be despoiled and beggared1 to be disestablished and disendowed8 ,we cannot call it a corporation1 for it has no corporate existence as a chartered company or a college has4 ,it has no representatives in the ,lower ,house of ,parliament1 as the universities have4 ,it has no common council with disciplinary powers1 as the ,incorporated ,society of ,law or the ,inns of ,court have4 ,it has no voice speaking with authority1 no homogeneity deserving the name4 ,it cannot pass ordinances for the regulation of its minutest affairs1 or impose rules of conduct upon any one1 or levy the smallest contribution from man1 woman1 or child by its own decrees4 ,you may call it an army if you please2 but it is an army in which the commissioned officers have no control over the rank and file1 no power of enforcing attendance at drill1 no articles of war which any one heeds1 and no generals whom any one fears4 ,this mysterious entity1 which is the sum-total of a multitude of more or less isolated units1 we say is the owner of lands and buildings and rent-charge1 and this property it is said is the property of the ,church--the ,church8 ,nos numerus sumus6 ,without any very great misuse of language1 it may be said that among us there is another mysterious entity2 this1 too1 the sum-total of a number of isolated units4 ,these units1 too1 were only the other day in possession of houses and lands1 and buildings considered to be public buildings2 the units were almost in the same position as the clergy are at this moment1 freeholders and practically irremovable2 they were expected to perform certain duties which1 as a rule1 they performed with zeal and fidelity4 ,in many cases1 when sickness or old age came upon them1 they discharged their functions by deputy2 they had practically little or no discipline of control over them2 8visitors0 who never visited1 feoffees who never interfered1 governors who never governed4 ,each of these functionaries was called a ,schoolmaster1 and the building in which he officiated was called a school4 ,the sum-total of these many units had no name2 but if the public buildings were rightly called schools1 the aggregate of them might for convenience be called ,the ,school4 ,a noun of multitude1 standing in the same relation to its units as the current term 8the ,church0 does to its units--the ,churches4 ,to whom did the property from which the schools were kept in efficiency1 and their masters furnished with a maintenance--sometimes with much more than a mere maintenance--to whom did this property belong8 ,i can find but one answer4 ,it was the property of the nation2 a reserve fund which the nation had permitted certain individuals to set apart from time to time for the furtherance of the education of the people1 the object aimed at being considered so excellent that the conditions imposed upon posterity by the founders were allowed to remain in force1 these founders being supposed to have entered into a contract with the nation that1 in consideration of the value of the surrender made1 the reserve of property should be sanctioned1 and the conditions imposed be held to be binding upon posterity4 ,the land or the rent-charges which yesterday were private possessions ceased to be so to-day3 they were private property1 they became public property1 and constituted the ,educational ,reserve4 ,i can no longer resist the conviction that1 as in the one case so in the other1 the nation may reconsider its treaty with ,school or ,church2 may determine that the reserve hitherto set apart for the education of a class1 or a district1 or the founder's kin1 should no longer be applied according to the compact sanctioned in previous ages1 and may in the same way reconsider its compact with the alienation of property now known as ,church property1 and deal with that far larger reserve hitherto applied for the promotion of the moral and spiritual welfare of the people4 ,the nation has the right to do this1 as it undoubtedly has the power4 ,whether in this case summum jus would not be found to be summa injuria is quite another question4 ,but it is one thing to say this large reserve shall be administered otherwise than it is1 and quite another thing to say that it shall cease to exist as a reserve at all4 ,it is one thing to deal with our ecclesiastical endowments on the lines that school endowments have been dealt with1 and quite another to deal with them as ,henry the ,eighth dealt with the property of the religious houses4 ,to adopt the one course would be readjustment1 to adopt the other would be confiscation4 ,nevertheless1 if the majority of the new electorate should decidedly and unequivocally pronounce that such is its pleasure1 assuredly the property now held in reserve in the shape of religious endowments will be confiscated4 ,religion will be the luxury of the rich and well-to-do2 the proletariate and the agricultural labourer will have to supply themselves with an inferior article1 or to do without it altogether4 ,if a revolution so tremendous1 if a calamity so overwhelming1 is to befall this nation1 and is to take effect by the deliberate choice of its people1 at least let a great nation address itself to the task with the semblance of dignity2 at least let it be clearly explained and firmly adhered to that the clergy reserve is not to be given over to general pillage4 ,do not be guilty of the baseness of bidding for the votes of the proletariate by holding out hopes of a general scramble4 ,do not corrupt the poor dwellers in the villages by inviting them to embark in a filibustering raid upon their friends and neighbours4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is a question which a philosopher might worthily employ himself in answering--how it has come to pass that during the last fifty years the struggle for supremacy between political parties has tended to become less and less a regular warfare and to assume more and more the character of a game4 ,nay6 ,it is rapidly developing into a game rather more of chance than of skill1 and one in which the most daring and reckless adventurer is just as likely to sweep off the stakes as the most gifted and sagacious player4 ,it is one of the most unhappy results of this condition of affairs that there has grown up in our midst a class of touts and hangers-on who do the dirty work of either side and bring discredit upon both4 ,they are the swell-mob of politics4 ,such creatures live by inventing grievances and fomenting discontent1 their doctrine being that whatever is is wrong2 their artillery is always charged with explosive promises4 ,these men are going up and down the land loudly proclaiming that the parsons have robbed the poor of their own1 and are holding out to their dupes the wildest hopes that when the spoliation comes the poor shall be the first to benefit by the great change4 ,we shall never be able to silence the voice of charlatans4 ,the sausage-seller in ,aristophanes is the type of a class of men who have found no scope for their talents in any honest calling1 and who because they must live have been forced into the trade of lying vociferously4 ,i do not write for these--to these ,i have no word to say4 ,it is with the men whose hearts are throbbing with some patriotism1 and who have not lost all loyalty to truth and honour1 that ,i desire to have my dealings4 ,it is with such that ,i would humbly and earnestly expostulate1 whatever their philosophical or political opinions1 and whatever may be their creed4 ,even if it were as easy to prove1 as it is demonstrably the reverse1 that there ever did exist in ,england at any time or in any place a right on the part of the poor to any portion of the tithes of a parish or to the glebe1 who1 it may be asked1 are the poor8 ,the receivers of parochial relief1 whether in the work-house or outside it8 ,or every able-bodied peasant who claims to belong to the needy classes8 ,are you going to ask the agricultural labourer to cry for spoliation1 and to bribe him to raise the cry by the promise of converting him into what our fathers called a 8sturdy beggar08 ,and then are there no poor artisans8 ,are the millions of our towns to be left out in the cold while ,hodge disports himself with his new possessions8 ,are ,liverpool and ,east ,london to go on as they are1 while ,little ,mudborough is to enjoy a feast of fat things8 ,but the demagogues who live to corrupt the people have promises to make to others than the labourers4 ,they are telling the tenant-farmers1 too1 that they will be gainers by the great confiscation1 and endeavouring to persuade them1 too1 that when it comes they will be relieved from the burden of the tithes4 ,would they be so8 ,if the payment of tithe were abolished to-morrow1 can any sane man believe that the tenant-farmer would be allowed to put the tithe into his pocket or to keep it there8 ,can any sane man believe that rents would not rise exactly in proportion to the amount of charges from which the tenant was relieved8 ,rent is nothing more than the money payment supposed to represent the just return which the owner claims from the occupier for the privilege of cultivating his land4 ,the occupier makes his account and calculates how much he can gain by the compact4 ,the landlord's share is his rent4 ,he is the sleeping partner4 ,relieve the expenses of the going concern from the payment of the tithe1 or1 which is the same thing1 add it to the profits1 and what power on earth will prevent the landlord1 directly or indirectly1 sooner or later1 absorbing the proceeds of the newly-created bonus8 ,moreover1 if you begin to 8do away with the tithes10 are you going to do away with them only in the case where the parson receives them and does something--at any rate something--in return for the income he derives from them8 ,are you going to let the tithes be levied as before where they are paid to laymen1 to corporations1 or colleges8 ,are those tithes which are necessarily spent in the parish by the resident parson to be 8done away with10 but all such tithes as are necessarily carried out of the parish and paid to a ,london company1 an alien1 or a college at ,oxford or ,cambridge1 to be levied as before8 ,is it a gravamen against the parson that he spends his tithe where it is paid him1 and among the people who pay it1 and that he is bound in return for it to do the payers some services which they may exact on demand8 ,are you going to confiscate the tithe where the receiver does something for it1 and to let the man who does nothing for it collect it as before8 ,imagine the amazement and disgust of a farmer who should be told that his neighbour on the other side of the hedge is never to pay tithe again because in that parish there has been a parson to pillage2 but that he1 on this side of the hedge1 is to pay it as before1 because ,mr4 ,tomkins1 or ,mrs4 ,john ,smith1 or the ,saddlers' ,company is the lay impropriator1 and the rights of property are to be respected4 ,it would not be long1 ,i imagine1 before our friend the farmer would go for the lay impropriator1 and with a will too4 ,but1 if the labourer and the tenant-farmer are not to be cajoled by promises that must needs be illusory1 least of all are the landlords to be gained over by the inducement held out to them that they1 of all men1 are to benefit by the change4 ,they more than any other class are responsible for the loud outcry that has been raised4 ,the tithe-rent-charge is a first charge upon the produce of the land4 ,they are the landlords who1 as a class1 have done their best to make people forget this fact4 ,how often have we heard of a landlord or his agent declaring loudly1 8,i have nothing to do with the tithe--that is a matter between the tenant and the parson60 ,a more monstrous assertion it would be difficult to invent6 ,far more true would be the direct opposite1 if the parson1 or the impropriator1 should say1 8,i1 as receiver of tithe1 have nothing to do with you1 the tenant--the tithe is no concern of yours2 my claim is upon the owner of the soil60 ,in point of fact1 it is in the last resort upon the landlord1 and the landlord alone1 that the tithe-owner1 lay or clerical1 has his claim4 99 99 99 99 99 ,but1 if we should only aggravate the incidence of the immense calamity which would ensue from the confiscation of the clergy reserve by handing over the spoils to the labourers1 or the proletariate1 or the farmers1 or the landlords1 and yet the electorate should resolve to carry out this great spoliation1 and call upon the executive to sweep away the clerical incomes1 and lay its hand upon the property from which these incomes are derived2 what is to be done with this huge fund so confiscated1 and how are we to prevent the landlords being in some form or other the only gainers by the change8 ,if confiscation comes1 let it come1 say ,i1 as no half-measure4 ,let there be no bargaining1 no tinkering1 no compromise--in fact1 no mercy6 ,no--no mercy6 ,let this thing be done in root-and-branch fashion4 ,let the nation set its face like a flint2 let the ,church--it would be the ,church then--begin its new life naked and bare4 ,both sides will have a bad time of it4 ,it takes little to decide which will have the worst time of it1 the starved ,church or the starved people4 ,set the two forces foot to foot1 ,and every man knows who'll be winner1 ,whose faith in ,god has e'er a root ,that goes down deeper than his dinner4 ,therefore1 if indeed this nation decides that it can do without religious teachers1 and that these shall live of those who want them1 let us put up our parish churches to auction1 and dispose of the glebes to the highest bidder1 and flood the market with comfortable parsonage-houses1 sold without reserve1 and let the tithe be levied by the tax-gatherer1 and let it be levied from the owner of the soil1 as the land-tax is4 ,furthermore1 let us have no assignment of any share of the plunder to any class or any special fund4 ,let us hand over the proceeds of the sale of churches and houses and lands to the ,commissioners for the ,extinguishing of the ,national ,debt1 and not to the ratepayers1 not to the ,education ,commissioners1 nor to the ,commissioners in ,lunacy for building madhouses1 or any other cheerful and heroic object4 ,let us have a measure which shall be simple and thorough1 with the fewest possible details to vex and embarrass us all4 ,as the parsons die1 sell their houses1 their glebes and their churches1 and let the ,state at once appropriate the tithe4 ,let us be brought face to face with the real meaning of a revolution1 the tremendous magnitude of which few men can have the faintest conception of4 ,in less than a year after the measure had become law1 we should begin to know in what an experiment we had embarked4 ,the sooner our eyes were opened the better for us all4 ,the logic of facts is better than gabble4 ,nevertheless1 firmly convinced as ,i am that such a revolution would be an immeasurable calamity to the people of this country1 and especially so to the agricultural districts1 ,i am quite as firmly convinced that the present condition of affairs as regards the tenure and administration of the property now constituting the clergy reserves cannot possibly go on much longer2 that the mere mockery and pretence of discipline among the clergy themselves must be replaced by something much more real and effective2 that1 in short1 some large and radical measures of ,church reform are being called for1 such as the nation feels must and shall be carried out1 though the great body of the people do not yet see1 and cannot yet be expected to see1 on what fundamental principles such reform should be advocated1 or on what lines such reform should travel4 ,as a preliminary1 as a sine qu non of all really effective ,church reform1 it seems to me that1 first and foremost1 you must begin1 not by disestablishing1 but by establishing1 the ,church4 ,as things are among us1 it seems to me that the very word establishment is a confession on the part of those who use it that they have failed to discover the right word for that which they would fain obliterate4 ,we say the ,church is a great landlord and wealthy owner of property4 ,ought not such an owner to have some control over its own and some voice in the disposition of that property4 ,every railroad company in the land1 every joint-stock bank or co-operative association for the providing of milk and butter1 every society for the protection of cats and dogs1 has a constitution4 ,it has its directors or governors1 its recognized officers1 its power to make or to alter at least its own bye-laws1 its liberty to dispose of its own funds within certain limits1 the privilege of meeting and of discussing its own affairs when and where it pleases1 and the right of applying to the ,legislature of the country for larger powers if such shall appear necessary for the carrying out of objects not dreamt of at its first start4 ,the ,church is absolutely lacking in all these respects1 for the very simple reason that the ,church1 viewed as a going concern in possession of property1 has nothing that can be called a constitution4 99 99 99 99 99 ,if the glaring anomalies and the wholly unjustifiable grotesqueness which startle us at every turn when we begin to discuss 8,church questions0 are to be removed1 where are we to begin1 and what should be the lines on which any scheme of readjustment should proceed8 ,first and foremost1 let all obsolete and antiquated privileges1 which are survivals of a long extinct condition of affairs1 be swept away1 and with the privileges let the disabilities go also4 ,let no man be made either more or less than a citizen of the ,empire by reason of his being in any sense a member of the ,church--not a peer of the realm on the one hand1 not disqualified from entering the ,house of ,commons on the other4 ,as a preliminary to giving the ,church a working constitution1 it is my conviction that the bishops should no longer have seats in the ,house of ,lords4 ,i cannot see how any director or overseer of any corporation1 or indeed of any department of the ,state1 should be made a peer of the realm by virtue of his holding office4 ,i am not wholly ignorant of our constitutional history1 although into the historical aspect of the question ,i decline to enter now4 ,the facts are what we have to face2 and as things are1 however much we may deplore it1 there seems just as little reason why bishops should be raised to the peerage as why the naval lords of the ,admiralty should be created barons4 ,but1 if you dismiss the bishops from the ,upper ,house1 you certainly cannot exclude the inferior clergy from the lower one4 ,whether in the one case the ,church or the ,house of ,lords would be much the loser may very reasonably be doubted1 notwithstanding the conspicuous ability which is and has for long been characteristic of the ,episcopal ,bench4 ,in the other case1 the ,church and the ,house of ,commons are just as little likely to be much the gainers by letting clergymen represent the constituencies in ,parliament4 ,as in ,france1 so would it be in ,england2 the clerical candidates would be very few1 the clerical members fewer4 ,that1 however1 does not affect the question whether or not clerical disabilities should be abolished4 ,but by far the most necessary and radical reform that is imperatively called for is the abolition of that preposterous antiquarian curiosity1 the ,parson's ,freehold4 ,the philosopher of the future who 8with larger1 other eyes than ours10 shall survey the history of our institutions and tell of their origin1 their growth or their decay1 will1 ,i believe1 be amazed and perplexed by nothing so much as by the strange vitality of this legal phenomenon--the ,parson's ,freehold4 ,that any man who is in any sense a public servant should1 by virtue of being nominated to hold an office1 be made tenant for life of a real estate from which only by an act of his own can he be removed--that would seem to most of us so entirely startling and outrageous in the abstract as to be absolutely intolerable in the concrete reality4 ,let us look this thing in the face4 ,imagine a postman or a prime minister1 a clerk in the ,custom ,house or the captain of a man-of-war1 an assistant in a draper's shop or your own gardener1 having an estate for life in his office1 and being able to draw his pay to his dying day1 though he might be for years blind and deaf and paralyzed and imbecile--so incapable1 in fact1 that he could not even appoint his own deputy1 or so indifferent that he cared not whether there was any deputy to discharge the duties which he himself was paid to perform4 ,imagine any public servant being thrown into prison for a flagrant misdemeanour1 or worse than a misdemeanour1 and coming back to his work when the term of his imprisonment was over1 receiving the arrears of pay which had accrued during the time he was in gaol1 and quietly settling down into the old groove as if nothing had happened4 ,imagine any public servant being suspended from his office for habitual drunkenness1 suspended say for two years1 and not even requiring to be reinstated when the two years were over1 but gaily taking his old seat and returning to his desk and his bottle1 as irremovable from the emoluments of the first as he was inseparable from his devotion to the last4 ,yet all this1 and much more than this1 is possible for us beneficed clergymen4 ,i am myself the patron of a benefice from which the late rector was nonresident for fifty-three years4 ,is it at all conceivable that we should continue to keep up this condition of affairs under which we have been living so long8 ,the last thing that any other public servant would dare to confess would be that he was physically or intellectually or morally unfit for his office4 ,the retort in his case would be obvious enough--then leave it1 and make way for a better man4 ,but the holder of the ,parson's ,freehold smilingly replies1 8,certainly ,i will retain my hold upon the income after paying my deputy4 ,am ,i not a landlord8 and as tenant for life ,i will assuredly cling to my own40 ,being such as we are1 men of flesh and blood as others1 and occupying the frightfully impregnable position which we do2 fenced about with all sorts of legal safeguards which put us above our parishioners on the one hand1 and out of the reach of our bishops on the other2 having1 as we have1 an almost unlimited power of turning our benefices into sinecures while we reside upon them1 or of leaving them to the veriest hireling to serve while we are disporting ourselves in foreign travel almost as long as we should choose to stay away2--,i know no more splendid testimony to the high and honourable character of the ,english clergy than that which would be wrung from their worst enemies who should fairly consider what the law of the land would allow of their being if they were so disposed--and what1 in fact1 they are4 ,it is because as a class they are so animated by a high ideal2 because as a class their conscience is their law2 it is1 therefore1 that1 in spite of legal safeguards which in their tendency are corrupting and demoralizing1 as a class they are incomparably better than they need be4 ,the clergy of the ,church of ,england constitute the one protected interest in the universe that does not languish4 ,nevertheless1 ,c'est magnifique1 mais ce n'est pas la guerre4 ,these things ought not so to be4 99 99 99 99 99 ,how then are the evils inseparable from the present state of things to be remedied8 ,they are evils which do not appear on the surface where the clergy themselves are conscientious1 high-minded1 and zealous1 throwing themselves into their duties with self-denying earnestness1 and hardly aware of how much they might abuse their powers if they were so disposed4 ,they are very real and scandalous evils in the case of the careless1 the worthless1 and the immoral2 that is1 exactly in the case of those whom we can least afford to leave as they are4 ,i can see no other plan for utilizing to the utmost the resources already at our disposal than by sweeping away altogether this archaic anomaly of the parson's freehold4 ,we are all a great deal too tenacious of vested rights1 a great deal too reluctant to deal harshly with those who have accepted any office under certain conditions expressed or implied1 to allow of our disturbing the present occupants of the benefices1 or to bring them under any new rgime4 ,as long as the existing beneficed clergy choose to retain their hold upon their benefices1 obviously they must be left undisturbed2 as they are freeholders1 so they must continue to be1 and practically irremovable2 but1 as they drop off either by death or voluntary resignation1 let the freehold be vested in other hands4 ,let us follow the main lines upon which the ,endowed ,school ,commissioners pursued their revolution in the case of the educational reserve fund1 learning experience by their blunders1 their failures or their fads4 ,and when we do so1 where shall we find ourselves8 #a4 ,the freehold of every church1 churchyard1 glebe-house and lands1 together with the tithes and any other invested funds now constituting the endowment of a benefice1 would be vested in a body of trustees or governors exactly as the estates and buildings of the endowed schools are at this moment4 ,these governors would have the administration of this estate entrusted to them1 and be personally and collectively responsible for its management--responsible1 that is1 to a duly constituted authority with a power of enforcing its precepts4 #b4 ,all liability to keep house and chancel in repair1 together with all powers of mortgaging the lands of a benefice1 would be transferred from the incumbent to the governing body of trustees4 #c4 ,the patronage of every benefice would1 as a matter of course1 pass out of the hands of the present patrons1 and would be vested in the trustees of the benefice2 exactly as the patronage of ,shrewsbury and ,sedbergh schools passed out of the hands of ,st4 ,john's ,college1 ,cambridge1 or as the patronage of ,thame school passed out of the hands of ,new ,college1 ,oxford1 or as the patronage of ,brentwood1 ,kirkleatham1 and ,bosworth schools has passed out of the hands of private patrons into those of the newly-constituted governing bodies4 #d4 ,the governors in presenting to a benefice would in each case be expected to consider the financial position in which it happened to be at the time of the vacancy1 and would be empowered to determine what amount of net income could be assigned to the incumbent according to the circumstances of the estate in their hands2 in all cases guaranteeing a minimum stipend and1 in cases where a house was provided1 a house free of all rates1 taxes1 and repairs4 #e4 ,the governing body would be required to render an account of all moneys received and expended to the constituted authority1 to which they would be answerable4 #f4 ,any clergyman presented to a benefice by the governing body would be liable to be dismissed for inefficiency or misconduct2 such dismissal to be subject to an appeal as against caprice1 malevolence1 or tyranny4 99 99 99 99 99 ,before proceeding further1 it will be as well at this point to consider an objection that may be offered1 and then to see how such a reform as that proposed would work4 ,first1 with regard to handing over the property of a benefice1 together with the patronage1 to a body of trustees4 ,such a course will certainly be denounced as revolutionary1 and of course that word has a very alarming sound4 ,but ,i venture to remind objectors that we have already embarked upon this revolutionary course1 and on a very large scale too4 ,we have already taken vast estates out of the hands of ecclesiastical corporations1 and vested them in the hands of the ,ecclesiastical ,commissioners4 ,we have already made our bishops stipendiaries1 receiving their salaries from the holders of their estates2 and happy are those deans and canons who are in such a case1 and not in the pitiable condition of landlords with their farms upon their hands1 or let to tenants who1 just now1 can make their own terms with the panic-stricken lifeholders of the freehold4 ,but this is not all4 ,there are at least a thousand benefices in ,england at this moment1 the patronage of which is already in the hands of trustees2 and in many of these cases--in many more cases than people suspect--the very freehold of the church itself is vested in those trustees1 who have almost entire control over the funds1 and almost entire control over the fabric of the church4 ,at this moment1 as ,i write1 there is lying on my table an application from the ,trustees of ,st4 ,excellent's ,church1 at ,jericho1 asking me to subscribe for the erection of a tower1 and pleading that the ,trustees have done all that was possible1 and have been loyally seconded by their devoted vicar4 ,ask those who know anything of what has been going on in the second city in ,england during the last forty years what condition the masses at ,liverpool would be in at this moment but for the church-building on the ,trustee system which has been in operation there so long4 ,ask them whether that system has worked well or ill1 and whether there is any reason to regret that the patronage of the ,trustee churches is not in other hands4 99 99 99 99 99 ,and now with regard to the working of the scheme proposed4 ,the rectory of ,claylump finds itself vacant by the promotion of its rector to the bishopric of ,loo ,choo4 ,the governors forthwith proceed to take a survey of the property they hold in trust1 and to look about for a new parson4 ,the character and qualification of the various candidates for the vacant benefice are carefully inquired into1 and1 the choice being made1 the new incumbent is presented to the bishop of the see and instituted with all fitting and necessary solemnity4 ,but before he enters upon his charge the new rector has been informed that1 in view of the governors being responsible for certain outgoings1 they can for the present guarantee the parson only a minimum income of x pounds per annum1 to be increased according as the funds at their disposal shall allow of the augmentation4 ,observe that we already find ourselves face to face with the problem which has been found so difficult of solution--viz41 how to deal with ,ecclesiastical ,dilapidations4 ,a beneficed clergyman at present may1 if he pleases1 let his house tumble about his ears--may let his barn be tenanted by the rats1 turn his stable into a pigsty1 and1 keeping his glebe in his own hands1 render it valueless for his successor for the next five years4 ,at his death he may be absolutely insolvent4 ,the next incumbent is1 however1 called upon to put all into tenantable repair at his own cost1 and by the very fact of accepting the living is liable for these substantial repairs4 ,or a beneficed clergyman may do exactly the reverse4 ,being tenant for life of a living of less than three hundred a year1 he may convert the parsonage-house into a noble mansion--erect hot-houses and conservatories ad libitum1 build stables for a dozen horses1 and lay out acres of the glebe in ornamental gardens2 and he too may die in difficulties4 ,at the avoidance of the living the bishop may give orders for pulling down half the house and more than half the appurtenances2 but the question of who is to pay for the expenses of the alteration will present a serious difficulty1 and may be settled in the strangest way at last4 ,as long as the living is in a good neighbourhood1 with certain advantages which it is unnecessary to particularise1 it will not be hard to find another man of fortune who for the sake of the house will consent to accept the cure4 ,but1 if it chance that a neighbourhood has 8changed10 and the parish has become otherwise than a desirable place of residence1 that parish may find it very hard indeed to get any who will face the terrible prospect of having to keep up a palace on #cjj a year4 ,in either case--that of finding himself with a tumble-down rectory1 or that of finding himself with an entirely unsuitable one--the incoming parson will assuredly have to make his account to submit to a serious abatement from the nominal revenue of his preferment1 and will assuredly be in no better position than he would be if1 not he1 but the trustees1 were the owners of the parson's freehold4 ,but once more4 ,let us suppose that the new rector under the new rgime finds it desirable to add to his parsonage-house for any reason or for none4 ,what follows8 ,is he to be allowed to do as he pleases8 ,certainly not4 ,if he can get the consent of his governors1 well and good2 without that consent he would have no more right to build up than to pull down4 ,he would be living in an official residence provided for him4 ,clearly1 he could not be permitted to deal with it as if it were his own4 ,again1 let us suppose that the parsonage should sorely need repair1 and that the parson1 being poor or otherwise unwilling to be meddled with1 should declare it was good enough for him4 ,would it be reasonable to let an obstructive eccentric continue living in a house which was seriously lessening in value from the want of structural repairs8 ,it is obvious that the governors who were liable for these repairs being duly executed1 and whose interest was to maintain the buildings in good and tenantable condition1 would interpose4 ,the official residence having to be kept up by the income of the benefice in their view would clearly not be regarded as something to be handed over in its entirety to the present holder of the living1 as if his personal interest were the only thing to consider4 ,as it would not be allowable for a ,plutus to over-build1 so it would not be permitted to a niggard to let the parsonage fall into disrepair4 ,in either case the governing body would have a voice1 and over the buildings of the benefice they would exercise a general supervision and control4 ,what1 however1 will startle most people1 and especially clergymen1 is the proposal to give to any body at all or any person or any officer the power to dismiss a parson from his cure4 ,yet1 as an abstract question1 why should the parson be the only functionary to enjoy the immunity he does8 ,is it because it does not matter much to his parishioners whether he is fit or unfit1 moral or immoral1 active or indolent1 whether he is exhibiting an example of holiness or is a mere helot whose daily walk is an abominable scandal8 ,as things are1 the more conscientious a clergyman is1 the more easily you may hunt him out of his preferment2 such men cannot bear to stay where--as they put it in all earnestness and devout sincerity--they are 8doing no good40 ,such men are ready enough to go out into the wilderness if you tell them they are not wanted or are hindering ,christ's work by staying where they are4 ,but tell the bad man that he is not wanted in his parish1 and his ministrations are hateful to the people among whom he lives1 and he will laugh in your face with the grim joke that1 if the people don't like to come to church1 they may stay away1 and if they don't want him at the font or the altar or the grave1 so much the better2 he will have less work to do for his money4 ,the thick-skinned with a seared conscience defies you2 safe in the possession of the parson's freehold1 he holds his own4 ,how is it that we are always so ready to conjure up the worst imaginable evils when any new proposal is offered to us1 and always draw some picture of abuses and horrors when we begin to think of any great change1 as if there were no abuses and horrors which called for the change8 8,a body of governors with a power of dismissal10 it is said2 8why1 no man's position would be safe60 ,to begin with1 ,i do not see why the first thing to be aimed at should be that any one's position should be safe4 ,the first thing that is needed1 imperatively needed1 is that the duties of any office1 from that of the ,prime ,minister downwards1 should be effectively discharged4 ,it may be very desirable that the driver of an express train should be safe of getting his wages as long as he lives4 ,it is infinitely more desirable that the train itself should not run off the metals from the aforesaid driver going to sleep4 ,but whose position in the case before us would be unsafe8 ,as a rule1 only his whose position ought to be unsafe4 ,the ,endowed ,schools ,commissioners have been at work for more than twenty years4 ,every one of their schemes gives to the governing body a power of dismissal1 and that too with usually no appeal4 ,during these twenty years1 ,i have never heard of more than two cases in which this power has been exercised2 so slow are we ,englishmen to be hard on an old servant1 or to use to the utmost the powers which we have in our hand4 99 99 99 99 99 ,our next point to consider is1 what should be the constitution of the governing body8 ,let it be premised that1 in embarking upon a reform so radical as this that is contemplated1 ,i for one at the outset shrink from committing ourselves to any details until we have first laid down the grand principles on which we are going to proceed4 ,moreover1 it must never be forgotten that the circumstances of every parish or district in ,england vary to an extent which they who have never thought much upon the subject could hardly bring themselves to believe4 ,in a matter of so much intricacy and complexity we must not be afraid to feel our way1 and at any rate let us have at the outset as few hard-and-fast lines as may be4 ,with this caution and proviso1 ,i yet venture to suggest that the main lines to be laid down should be as follows3-- #a4 ,the governing body should not be too large1 nor should it ever be chosen from the inhabitants of the parish exclusively4 #b4 ,it should be a representative body4 #c4 ,its meetings should not be held too frequently4 #d4 ,its proceedings should be duly chronicled1 and a record kept which might be produced and referred to when necessary4 99 99 99 99 99 #a4 ,not too large1 because experience proves that any administrative body is in danger of becoming a speechifying body1 and liable to be influenced by pressure from without1 almost exactly in proportion to the increase of its numbers4 ,nor should this body be chosen exclusively from the inhabitants of the parish4 ,in the case of small parishes1 it would be quite impossible to find persons qualified to exercise the powers to be conferred1 or fitted by education and intelligence to occupy the independent and important position of governor4 #b4 ,it will be necessary that the governing body should in all cases be a representative body4 ,in such a body what interests should be represented8 7i7 ,first the owners of the land on which tithes are paid4 ,observe1 ,i do not say the tithe-payers2 for1 of all the objectionable practices which have sprung up among us affecting the tenure of the land1 and the burdens it has to bear1 none appears to me more mischievous or indefensible1 none has done more to make the tillers of the soil discontented1 or led them more passionately to set themselves against their best friends1 than the practice sanctioned by the ,legislature of calling upon the tenant to pay the tithe in addition to the rent of his land4 ,as long as this goes on1 so long will both tenant and landlord be tempted to make common cause with one another in hopes of getting rid of the tithe4 ,you might just as well call upon the tenant to pay the landlord's mortgage interest1 or the jointures and annuities with which the estate is charged1 or the premiums upon his policies of insurance1 as call upon him to pay the tithe4 ,a landlord holds his lands subject to certain charges1 which are antecedent to any profits that may remain to him after they are discharged4 ,the land-tax1 the county-rates1 the tithe1 are all on the same level2 so are the jointures1 annuities1 and interest of money borrowed4 ,of course the landlord would gladly throw them all upon the tenant if he could1 and does throw upon him all he can4 ,in permitting him to follow this course1 you tempt the tenant to cry out1 8,away with this payment1 and away with that60 and you tempt the landlord to cry1 8,amen6 ,so be it1 as long as my rent is assured me60 ,worried by the annual recurrence of extra payments1 for which he has to provide at all sorts of inconvenient times1 the tenant is ready enough to demand relief from these burdens1 never reflecting that he is playing the landlord's game1 directly or indirectly robbing somebody else to enrich the owner of the soil4 8,down with the rates60 means 8,throw them upon the ,consolidated ,fund and let the taxpayer relieve the landlord40 8,down with the jointures60 would mean 8,rob the dowagers and let the landlord be the richer for the pillage40 8,down with the mortgage interest60 would mean 8,up with the debtor at the expense of the creditor20 and 8,down with the tithe60 would mean the extinction of the parson1 but with the gain of not a shilling ultimately to the tenant1 though with a very considerable gain to the owner of the land4 ,it must be1 and it is1 demoralizing to allow the payment of the tithe to be regarded as an extra with which the tenant is chargeable4 ,the obligation to pay the tithe is a condition antecedent to the owner of the soil enjoying the very possession of his land4 ,the tithe is a rent-charge upon the land1 exactly as an annuity or jointure is--or1 if you choose to call it a tax because the term tax is an odious word1 and therefore serviceable when you want to make those you hate odious--it is a landlord's tax1 and no tenant should be allowed to pay it without having the right under all circumstances of deducting it from his rent4 ,moreover1 without yielding to the temptation of straying into an historical argument1 yet remembering that in the past there was a very close connection between the landlord whose estate supplied the tithe from which the parson was supported and the patron of the living to which the parson was instituted1 ,i think there are good reasons why the owners of the soil liable to pay tithe should be represented in the proposed governing body of a benefice4 ,where the parish was a close parish--i4e41 owned by a single landlord--he would naturally and very properly be the only person eligible1 or at any rate capable of nominating the tithe-owner's representative4 ,where there were many landlords1 they could elect their representatives--one or more1 as the case might be--in the ordinary way4 7ii7 ,as the owners of land subject to the payment of tithes should be represented1 so should the ratepayers of the parish have their representative upon the board of governors4 ,and here ,i confess ,i cannot see that you could introduce any religious test whereby any one should be disqualified by reason of his creed4 ,i do not believe that in ordinary cases any real inconveniences would arise4 ,that under no circumstances conceivable evils should emerge is too much to hope for2 but whether or not1 we must1 ,i repeat1 face the facts1 and what reasonable man1 who watches the signs of the times1 will be sanguine enough to expect that1 in our days1 we have any chance of extorting from the ,legislature anything in the shape of a conscience clause8 ,but1 when ,i speak of ratepayers1 ,i mean bon fide payers of rates4 ,i exclude from this category the compound householder3 ,i by no means exclude unmarried women who pay their own rates and taxes1 who are often among the most sagacious1 high-minded1 and exemplary inhabitants of a country parish1 or of a town one too1 for that matter4 ,if any should have a voice in the choice of a representative governor1 clearly they should4 7iii7 ,but1 if the owners of the soil and the ratepayers should be represented1 it would be more than unreasonable--it would be a monstrous injustice--that the regular worshippers in the church should be left without their representative governors4 ,i am quite aware that some people are ready with all sorts of difficulties and all sorts of objections when we come to deal with the qualification of church membership1 and quite aware1 too1 that at this point one is sorely tempted to do that which ,i protested against above--viz41 go into details2 but ,i resist the temptation1 simply expressing my conviction that there can be and there is no real and insuperable difficulty in defining what is meant by 8regular worshippers10 and that such difficulty would vanish at once if we were really in earnest in grappling with it4 ,i am not hinting at a compromise4 ,here as elsewhere what we want is--common sense6 7iv7 ,again1 ,i conceive that on any board of governors there should be a representative appointed by the bishop of the diocese1 and that he should be a resident in the archdeaconry in which the benefice was situated4 ,in every board of directors1 be it of a railway or bank or insurance company1 it is held to be essential to effectiveness that one or more of such directors should have some pretension to technical or professional knowledge of the business carried on4 ,is it too much to ask that at least one expert should be found upon every body of church governors8 ,such a representative would1 if discreet and able1 be always listened to with respectful attention2 if inclined to be domineering or impracticable1 he would assuredly be outvoted when it came to a contest4 ,he would be a voice1 but he would be no more4 7v7 ,it is conceivable1 nay it is probable1 that in addition to these representative governors it might in some cases be advisable that other members should be added to the governing body4 ,thus it might be contended by the present patrons of benefices1 whether lay or clerical1 that they should be represented1 and ,i can see no particular objection to such a claim being allowed4 ,it is also conceivable and probable that1 after due consideration and discussion1 it might be thought advisable to group two or more benefices together and vest their funds in the same body of governors4 ,indeed1 in many country districts1 where the endowments are very small and the population very sparse1 it might prove extremely difficult and sometimes extremely undesirable to have a board of governors for each of these tiny units1 let alone the absurd waste of power which in such cases would be inevitable4 ,but1 such as ,i have sketched it out1 such in the main would be the constitution of the governing body of every benefice in the country1 and to that governing body the freehold of that benefice and its appurtenances1 together with the patronage thereof1 should be handed over4 7vi7 ,with regard to the qualification of those eligible for a seat upon the governing body1 ,i am not prepared to discuss that question at the present stage4 ,this1 however1 ,i know--viz41 that there is only one subject of the ,queen who is now disqualified from presenting a clergyman to any benefice in ,england4 ,a ,jew or a ,mormonite1 a ,mohammedan or a ,parsee1 ,mr4 ,bradlaugh or ,mr4 ,congreve1 may be1 and for ought ,i know is1 patron of the richest or the poorest living in ,england2 but if any of these worthy persons should suddenly become influenced by ,cardinal ,manning and be received as a member of the ,church of ,rome1 then and then only would he become incapable by law from exercising his patronage--then and then only would it pass out of his hands4 ,if we have come to this pass1 that in anything like a large majority of cases ,churchmen should find themselves outvoted by ,jews1 ,turks1 infidels1 and heretics in the governing bodies1 would it not be pretty clear that something was wrong8 ,but would the functions of the governing body be confined to the management of the estate of a benefice and to the appointing and1 where necessary1 to the dismissal of the incumbent8 ,yes4 ,it seems to me that the functions of a governing body should go no further4 ,that was a golden rule which ,lord ,palmerston laid down for the governing bodies of our endowed schools1 and which these bodies have generally had the wisdom to carry out in practice--8,get the best man you can find and--get out of his way60 ,it should be no part of the duties of the governing body to interfere with what may be called the internal affairs of the church and the ministrations of the parson4 ,these should be matters of arrangement between the congregation and their minister4 ,let the powers and the duties of churchwardens be defined as clearly as may be--let the number of the churchwardens be increased if you will1 or let the old sidesman be revived2 but let it be clearly understood that the parish is one thing and the congregation is another4 ,let it be understood that the rector of the parish as a parish officer should be accountable to the governors in so far as they are trustees for the parish reserve fund2 but in matters with which only the congregation worshipping habitually in the church are concerned1 let no outsider have any locus standi4 ,if in his administrations a clergyman insists on doing or leaving undone certain practices which are hateful to the congregation to which he ministers2 if between priest and people things should come to a deadlock2 by all means let it be allowable1 as it ought to be1 for the people to demand redress1 and let them ask for that redress with authority and a claim to have their grievances considered4 ,in such cases there would be no need of rushing into the law courts1 no spiteful resort to costly legislation to crush or ruin a foolish1 obstinate1 and ignorantly conscientious clergyman4 ,the congregation--speaking through their representatives1 the churchwardens1 sidesmen1 or whatever other name you might choose to call them by--would lay their complaint before the bishop first1 and as an ultimate resort would go to the governing body1 and claim that their parson should be dismissed1 on grounds which should be1 of course1 properly formulated4 ,and this brings us to another matter--viz41 the prominence 7,i do not say pre-eminence7 to be given to the congregational element in any readjustment of church regimen at the present time4 ,it is idle to talk as if the ,church were co-extensive with the nation1 or as if the inhabitants of a parish were all worshippers in the church fabric4 ,if a man now does not like the ritual or the doctrine offered to him in his parish church1 he leaves it1 and goes where he finds what he wants4 ,it will always be so4 ,there was a good deal of nonconformity in the ,apostolic times1 and there will be nonconformity as long as men love to have things their own way4 ,if an apostle were to find himself rector of any parish in ,england1 with an angel to play the organ1 and a multitude of the heavenly host to chant the psalms and 8render0 the anthems1 would ,jannes and ,jambres be satisfied8 ,on the other hand1 though it is impossible but that offences should arise 7which means that offence should be taken71 it is our duty and our interest to minimise the occasion of offence2 and it is clearly neither right nor politic that any man should occupy such a position as that he may1 if he please1 go very far towards making himself a 8lord over ,god's heritage10 and by adopting such a course not only lessen his own influence1 but commit a serious wrong to the assembly of worshippers to whom1 after all1 it must be remembered1 he is appointed to minister1 not to be an irresponsible dictator4 ,wherever there is a 8congregation of faithful men0 regularly worshipping together in any church1 the very sign and evidence of life among them is that there is a great deal of mere business to be got through4 ,there are large sums of money raised for various purposes1 there are organizations great and small to be looked to1 there are meetings to be held1 arrangements of very different kinds to be made1 and work of all sorts to be done4 ,it must be done1 and it can only be done by the incumbent in conjunction and co-operation with the congregation2 as long as the two work together all goes on smoothly1 if they are at variance friction ensues4 ,it would be preposterous that all the money collected by and through the voluntary contributions and the voluntary exertions of the congregation should be handed over to an outside body such as the governing body we have been dealing with above4 ,indeed1 such a proposal scarcely deserves to be seriously considered2 the congregation as a congregation must in all reason be allowed to manage its own affairs4 ,but1 inasmuch as no institution in the world can hope to flourish if its manager prove himself incompetent1 quarrelsome1 and fractious1 and when it becomes apparent that the well-being of the institution is being sacrificed only to keep the wrong man in the wrong place1 then you get rid of that wrong man1 sometimes with joy1 sometimes with sorrow4 ,so should it be with our churches4 ,to give the congregations the appointment of their parsons or to arm them with a veto would be to follow a course which all our experience warns us against1 and to which--,i cannot explain why--all our national habits of thought1 convictions1 and prejudices are opposed4 ,but1 under any circumstances1 cases might occur where a reluctant congregation might find itself saddled with a minister who1 after a fair trial1 should prove himself altogether unsuited to deal with the peculiar conditions1 social1 financial1 or religious--which presented themselves2 and where such cases did occur the congregation in its own interests--to go no further--ought to have the opportunity of making its wishes or its objections known4 ,as to graver matters1 where a parson's moral character was in question1 ,i do not think it worth while to deal with them4 ,as to the proposal of setting up parochial councils in our country villages1 ,i find it very hard to believe that this can have ever been put forward seriously by any sane man of the world4 ,surely1 surely it can only be the clumsy joke of a dreamer which suggests that we should establish village parliaments for the discussion of matters of ritual and theology among the representatives of a population which sometimes counts by tens1 usually by a few hundreds1 and very rarely by thousands4 ,in the single diocese of ,norwich there are actually one hundred and two parishes in each of which the population is less than a hundred1 including the last baby4 ,think of a parochial council in the parish of ,bittering ,parva1 where ,i was once told 8there are between fourteen and fifteen inhabitants60 99 99 99 99 99 ,i am quite aware that the questions which still remain to be dealt with in considering any comprehensive measure of what is known as ,church ,reform are many and difficult1 and some of them are of the highest importance4 ,they will come on for discussion1 we may be sure1 and abler men than ,i am1 and men better qualified to handle such questions1 will doubtless engage in them4 ,in the hands of such men ,i would gladly leave the serious and difficult problems which are calling so loudly for solution4 ,the power of dismissal of a parson from his cure1 for other than moral offences1 at once brings us face to face with the question1 8,how are we to provide for aged and broken-down clergy in their time of need80 ,it also suggests the question1 8,in what relations will the governing body stand to the congregation on the one side and the bishop on the other80 ,the throwing open the benefices to what is sure to be stigmatized as open competition will be distasteful to some1 but will result in changes which ,i am convinced will be1 on the whole1 of immense benefit to clergy and people1 and especially they will tend towards the promotion of the best men to the most valuable cures4 ,yet here too1 when we come to details1 it will be necessary to open our eyes to some difficulties1 from which1 however1 we need not shrink1 nor will they1 ,i believe1 be found so insuperable as may be imagined4 ,the training1 too1 of the younger clergy during their term of apprenticeship1 if ,i may use the expression1 and the general supervision and periodical inspection of the benefices which has now become the emptiest of forms1 will assuredly be called for by all who desire a coherent scheme for the readjustment of matters ecclesiastical4 ,it is hardly to be expected that we should be allowed to go on much longer in the rambling way we do4 ,if it were only the supremacy of this or that form of doctrine or worship1 however dear to us1 however sacred1 that was at stake1 ,i for one would not willingly embark in the conflict that is before us1 or step out from the limits of the humble sphere in which ,i find myself4 ,i would hold my peace except among my people1 and try my best to till the little plot in the heritage of ,god which ,his good providence has assigned to me for my daily work4 ,but there is much more at stake than any merely sectarian view of the case would have us believe4 ,it is no mere fight between religious factions and sects and creeds4 ,the question now is whether or not that machinery whereby the schooling of our moral sentiments has been carried on for ages shall be cast from us as a thing of nought1 while we surrender ourselves to the private-venture teachers to provide a new machinery by-and-by4 ,are we to have no functionaries whose remonstrances any one need attend to8 ,is there to be no voice speaking with the semblance of authority1 bidding the people do the right and avoid the evil8 ,is there to be no national worship1 no national religion1 and of course no national creed8 ,how long can ,christian ethics be supposed to last8 ,for ages the vessel of the ,state has gone on its way riding through a thousand storms1 and buffeted by a million billows2 its rudder has been at times unskilfully handled2 at times the course has been set with evil consequences2 at times the steersmen have been rash or blind4 ,but shall we now1 in an outbreak of passion or panic1 unship that rudder and cut ourselves adrift1 with never a helm to trust to1 in the open sea8 ,,iv4 ,,quis ,,custodiet8 ,there are very few ,societies started in our time which have done so much with such slender resources and with so very little adventitious aid as the ,society for the ,protection of ,ancient ,buildings4 ,it was only the other day1 so to speak1 that a handful of men1 whose hearts were in the right place1 banded themselves together to raise the voice of warning against a fashion which had become a rage1 and which was threatening to make a clean sweep of all that was most venerable1 most precious1 most unapproachably inimitable in the architectural remains of our country4 ,undeterred by the clamour of incompetent impostors1 undismayed by the ridicule of people of importance1 undiscouraged by the difficulties which must be expected by all gallant crusaders1 the little band went forth--a real ,salvation ,army without drums and without any flourish of trumpets--to save what remained from the devastation that had been going on1 not despising the day of small things4 ,they were an audacious band2 they proclaimed that the taste and the sentiment of the world had got into an utterly vicious groove--that the taste and the sentiment of the world needed to be corrected1 set aright--educated in fact--and that they were going to educate it whether the world liked being educated or not4 ,astonishing presumption6 8,who are ye80 said the perplexed world1--8who are ye2 the apostles of a new toryism1 ye that preach the keeping up of the old1 which time and tide1 the storms and the elements1 have pronounced to be moribund8 ,who are ye that would watch over the homes of the bats and the owls in this our age of advance1 with the works of the men of mind rising up to heaven to rebuke you8 ,ruin-mongers that ye be1 prating about the loveliness of mild decay1 while we live in the days of carving by machinery1 and ashlar smoothed to the likeness of the loveliest stucco by the help of the modern stone plough1 and windows that no age ever saw the like of till now1 and the smuggest of pulpits and the slipperiest of tiles1 and the tallest of walls built of1 if not daubed with1 the most untempered of mortar8 ,who are ye8 ,are ye to be your brothers' keepers80 ,well6 all this was very terrible1 especially that last thrust6 ,but even that last thrust seemed to read very like a leaf from the book of the first murderer2 seemed1 too1 as if some modern confederates of ,cain were afflicted with that same irritable temperament1 that same jealousy of being called to account for their misdeeds1 which would even go the length of justifying the slaughter of ,abel if it should be made to appear that the dead could not be restored to life again4 ,but the new ,reformers1 whatever they may have thought1 were content to hold their peace4 ,they went peeping and prying about and protesting2 they exposed the gross ignorance of an adventurer here2 they issued a serious warning to a well-meaning gentleman there2 they did as other apostles have done before now--they were instant in season and out of season2 they reproved1 rebuked1 exhorted2 and almost before they knew where they were1 they discovered that they had many more supporters than at first they had suspected1 that the world had been waiting for them this long time back1 and that they had started upon their mission not a day too soon4 ,as soon as people begin to succeed in any mission1 they are pretty sure to get into bad odour by the excesses of their more impassioned supporters4 ,then follow disclaimers1 explanations1 recriminations1 and they are comforted by the reminder that 8when fools fall out wise men get their due40 ,when this point has been reached1 the other side begins to take heart1 and mis-statement is apt to be accepted as the explanation of over-statement1 just as now it is beginning to be believed that ,antirestoration is a full and sufficient summing up of what is meant by the word ,protection1 and that doing nothing is all that this ,society aims at4 ,if there are some crazy fanatics who have injured the cause which they have at heart by advocating in a furious way that all we have to do with an ancient building is to let it alone1 and leave it to fall down1 rather than do anything to preserve it1 ,i for one hereby declare that ,i hold such fanatics to be heathen men and heretics of the worst kind4 ,i look upon such people much as ,i look upon those peculiar people who denounce the whole medical profession as interferers with the laws of ,providence1 and who forbid the members of their sect from ever setting a broken bone or taking a prescription when sickness or infirmity has attacked them4 ,to talk of letting an ancient building take its chance1 and doing nothing to prolong its life1 is to my mind to talk pestiferous nonsense with which ,i have no manner of sympathy4 ,but unhappily there has been another view which has been put forward in a very specious and ingenious and captivating manner by another set of people1 and which unhappily has met with immense favour at the hands of the moneyed public1 and which seems to me to find its exact parallel in the proposal of a certain unfortunate lady who suffered martyrdom for her faith1 or at any rate her profession1 some years ago4 ,that poor lady proclaimed to the world that she was so profoundly versed in all the virtues of certain mysterious herbs and salves and potions and mixtures1 that she was prepared to guarantee the perfect restoration of youth and loveliness to the most aged and most battered of her sex2 in fact1 she asserted that she had discovered the grand secret of making them 8beautiful for ever40 ,she was1 ,i take it1 the high priestess and prophetess of restoration4 ,now between the criminal and indolent neglect of those who would sit down with folded hands and never stretch out a finger to avert the death of the stricken1 and the pretentious puffery of quacks who assure us that they have discovered the secret of rejuvenescence1 there is a whole world of difference1 and between the stupid do-nothingism of the one and the rash do-everythingism of the other there is--there must be--a middle course4 ,this is what we have to complain of1 that when well-meaning people have set themselves to 8restore0 a church 7for ,i shall keep myself to that branch of the subject for the present71 some of us have found the greatest difficulty in learning what they were going to restore4 ,when these good and well-meaning people take it into their heads that an ancient ecclesiastical building is to be replaced by a modern structure in which 8all the characteristic features of the original are to be reproduced and for the most part retained10 we ask ourselves with wide-open eyes of amazement and perplexity what is going to be reproduced8 ,there is a sumptuous ,norman doorway1 there are abundant indications of the existences of a ,norman church having existed on this spot--there are clear proofs that the ,norman pillars have been recklessly cut away here to make room for a splendid thirteenth-century tomb1 that the north aisle is an addition raised up at the sacrifice of the original north wall--that a chapel of no great artistic merit was added at another time1 that the pitch of the roof was altered when the clerestory was added1 that the chancel was rebuilt1 flimsily1 faultily1 fantastically1 just before the final rupture with ,rome1--and yet that the remains of the superb sedilia which the seventeenth-century mob smashed to pieces were evidently removed from the earlier chancel by the fifteenth-century architects4 ,there are signs1 in fact1 of the church never having been left undisturbed--that from generation to generation the rude forefathers of the hamlet were always doing something to their church1 taking a pride in adding to or altering it1 according to their notions4 ,they never thought of reproducing anything1 but rightly or wrongly they were always aiming at improving everything4 ,you are going to restore1 are you8 ,what are you going to restore8 ,the ,norman1 the ,early ,english1 the ,decorated1 or the ,perpendicular church8 ,what are the characteristic features of the original8 ,what is your notion of the original which you pretend to be about to restore8 ,the problem that presents itself becomes more difficult1 more complex1 the longer you look at it--the problem1 namely1 what you are going to restore4 ,if my dear old grandmother should wish to be made 8beautiful for ever0--i4e4 to be restored--what condition of former loveliness shall we call back8 ,there are some who paid homage to her beauty at eighteen1 some who loved her at thirty1 and some who almost adored her at threescore years and ten4 ,look at her portraits6 ,which shall we take8 ,nay6 ,i love her as she is1 say ,i1 with the smile that plays about her venerable lips and the soft light in the gentle eyes4 ,i love every furrow on her broad brow and would not have the thin grey hairs turned to masses of auburn4 ,i would keep her for ever if ,i might1 but ,i would no more dream of restoring her to what she was before ,i was born than ,i would replace her by something that she is not and never was4 ,now up and down this land of ,england there are1 say1 #e1jjj churches that at this moment stand upon the same foundations that they stood upon #ejj years ago1 some few of them standing in the main as they were left eight centuries ago4 ,if for #e1jjj any one should suggest not #e1jjj1 but #aj1jjj1 ,i should find no fault with the correction4 ,if we could go back in imagination to the condition of these churches as they were left when the ,reformation began1 it may safely be affirmed that there was not at that time1 there never had been1 and there is never likely to be again1 anything in the world that could at all compare with our ,english churches4 ,there never has been an area of anything like equal extent so immeasurably rich in works of art such as were then to be found within the four seas4 ,the prodigious and incalculable wealth stored up in the churches of this country in the shape of sculpture1 glass1 needlework1 sepulchral monuments in marble1 alabaster1 and metal--the jewelled shrines1 the precious ,,mss4 and their bindings1 the frescoes and carved work1 the vestments and exquisite vessels in silver and gold1 and all the quaint and dainty and splendid productions of an exuberant artistic appetite and an artistic passion for display which were to be found not only in the great religious houses1 but dispersed about more or less in every parish church in ,england1 constituted such an enormous aggregate of precious forms of beauty as fairly baffles the imagination when we attempt to conceive it4 ,there are the lists of the church goods--i4e4 of the contents of churches--by the thousand1 not only in the sixteenth century but in the fourteenth3 there they are for any one to read2 and1 considering the smallness of the area and the poverty of the people1 ,i say again that the history of the world has nothing to show which can for one moment be compared with our ,english churches as they were to be found when the spoilers were let loose upon them4#e ,well6 ,we all know that a clean sweep was made of the contents of those churches4 ,the locusts devoured all4 ,but the fabrics remained--the fabrics have remained down to our own time--they are as it were the glorious framework of the religious life of the past4 ,there is no need for me to dwell upon the claim which these survivals of a frightful conflagration have upon us for safe custody4 ,i presume we all acknowledge that claim1 and the only question is how best to exhibit our loyalty4 ,but when we have got so far we are suddenly met by a wholly unexpected and anomalous difficulty before we can make a single step in advance4 ,now ,i am free to confess that hardly a day of my life passes in which ,i am not oppressed by the conviction that there are few men of my age within the four seas who are as deplorably ignorant of things in general as ,i feel myself to be2--but there is one branch of ignorance1 if ,i may use the expression1 which ,i am convinced that the enormous majority of my most gifted acquaintances are sharing with myself--,i really do not know to whom these thousands of churches belong4 ,there was a time when the church belonged to the parish as a sort of corporation1 and when by virtue of their proprietary right in their church the parishioners were bound to keep the fabric in tenantable repair4 ,but when that obligation was removed by the abolition of ,church rates 7so far as ,i can understand the matter71 the church practically ceased to belong to any one4 ,tell the most devoted church people in my parish that because they are church people therefore they are bound to keep the fabric in repair1 and they would to a man become conscientious nonconformists in twenty-four hours4 ,tell my most conscientious nonconformists that next ,monday there is to be a meeting in the vestry and an opportunity of badgering the parson1 and not a man of them but would claim his right to be there3--because1 under circumstances which are favourable to his own interests and inclinations1 every inhabitant of a certain geographical area protests that he is a shareholder in his parish church4 ,it is true that on a memorable occasion ,i was presented with the key of my church1 and was directed to lock myself in and ring the bell1 and then was solemnly informed that ,i had taken possession of my freehold4 ,i daresay it was quite true1 only ,i am quite certain nobody did believe it at the time and nobody does believe it now4 ,from that day to this ,i never have been able to understand to whom my church does belong4 ,now as long as it is only a question of letting things drift the question of ownership never troubles anybody4 ,i am in the habit of telling my people that if the ,church of our parish were to be swallowed up by an earthquake some fine morning1 there would be only one man who would be a gainer by the catastrophe1 and that man would be the rector4 ,for his benefice would at once become a sinecure1 and there would be nothing to prevent his removing to the metropolis and living there during some months of the year1 and living in the ,riviera during the other months1 and leaving his people to shift for themselves--nothing to prevent this except those trifling considerations of duty and conscience which of course need not be taken into account4 ,but when it comes to a question of preventing the church from tumbling down1 or when it comes to a question of pulling it about--when it comes to restoring it--then practically the ownership is surrendered to the parson in the frankest and the freest and the most generous way by the whole body of the parishioners4 ,then the parson is allowed to be the only responsible owner of the fabric4 ,it is remembered that he rang the bell when he came into his freehold3 therefore it must be his2 and if he does not take the whole burden of collecting the money and seeing the work through and making himself personally responsible for the cost1 in nine cases out of ten it will not be done at all4 ,now ,i am not the man to speak with disrespect of my brethren of the clergy4 ,i do not believe that in any country or in any age there was ever a body of men so heartily and loyally trying to do their duty1 and so generously sacrificing themselves to what they believe to be their duty1 as the clergy of the ,church of ,england are at this moment4 ,but1 whether it is their misfortune or their fault--and we are none of us faultless1 not even the parsons--,i am bound to express my belief that ninety-nine out of every hundred of the clergy of the ,church of ,england know no more about the technical history of their churches than they know about law--in fact1 as a body1 the clergy know as little about the history of ,church ,architecture as lawyers know about ,theology1 and ,i could not put the case more strongly than that4 ,unhappily1 however1 the parallel between the amiable weakness of the two professions and their relative attitude towards the two sciences in which each of them delights to dabble may be carried out only too closely4 ,for it is painfully observable in both cases that the members of the two professions are profoundly convinced--the lawyers that a knowledge of theology1 the divines that a knowledge of architecture1 comes to them severally by a kind of legal or clerical instinct4 ,if a lawyer chooses to plunge into scientific theology1 and to write a book on the two ,decalogues1 or give us his obiter dicta on the errors of the ,greek ,church1 though nobody is much the wiser nobody is much the worse1 except the man who reads the pamphlet or the volume4 ,but when it has been decided that a church requires a thorough overhauling1 then the resigning the absolute control over and disposal of the sacred building to the parson to be dealt with as he in his wisdom or his ignorance may judge to be best becomes a very much more serious matter4 ,it would be easy to look at that matter from the ludicrous point of view1 but it is a great deal too serious for handling as though it were anything to laugh at4 ,unhappily1 we most of us know a great deal too much about it4 ,the parson in some cases jauntily determines to be his own architect1 and the village bricklayer highly approves of his decision1 and assures him in strict confidence that architects are a pack of thieves1 just as1 in fact1 jockeys are4 ,the builder begins to 8clear away10 then the parson gets frightened4 ,then he thinks he'd better have an architect--8only a consulting architect you know60 ,then the bricklayer recommends his nephew brought up at the board school who has 8done a deal of measurement and that like10 and then4444 ,no6 no6 we really cannot follow it out to the bitter end4 ,but in many cases where the good man1 distrusting his own power1 does call in the help of one supposed to be an expert1 the process and the result are hardly less deplorable4 ,there is nothing to prevent the most ignorant pretender from starting as an architect to-morrow morning2 nothing to prevent his touting up and down the country for orders1 though he is no more qualified to advise and report upon an ancient building than he is to construct the ,channel tunnel4 ,and we all know this very significant fact1 that there never was a church that ever was reported upon by one of these solemn and aspiring young gentlemen without antecedents and without any misgivings1 which was not at once pronounced to be in a most dangerous condition from weathercock to pavement4 ,the roof is always in a most hopeless condition1 the walls are frightfully out of the perpendicular and have been so for many generations1 the bells jiggle alarmingly in their frames1 the jackdaws have been pecking away at the mortar of the tower1 fifty rectors lie buried in the chancel1 and a hole was dug for every one of them1 and all these holes imperatively demand to be filled up with concrete4 ,but mercifully1 most mercifully and providentially1 a professional gentleman has been called in at the critical moment1 exactly in the very nick of time1 and now the dear old church may be saved1 saved for our children's children by being promptly restored4 ,thereupon the worthy parson--he1 too1 glad of a job--sets to work and the thing is done4 ,but what is done8 ,the men that started this ,society1 this union for the protection of the noble structures that are a proud inheritance come down to us from our ancestors1 they answered with an indignant protest3 8,an immense and irreparable wrong is done1 and the state of things which makes it perfectly easy for a wrong like this to be repeated every week is a shameful national scandal1 which we will not cease from lifting up our voices against till some means shall have been devised for preventing the periodical recurrence of these abominable mutilations1 these cruel obliterations1 these fraudulent substitutions up and down the land of new lamps for old ones40 ,at starting this was all that our pioneers ventured to proclaim4 ,i have often heard people object1 8,these gentlemen are so vague1 they don't know what they would be at60 ,now1 ,i know that with some folk it is quite sufficient to condemn any men or any opinions to pronounce them vague4 ,why6 ,since the beginning of the world no great forward movement1 no great social religious or political reform1 has ever achieved its object and gone on its victorious course conquering and to conquer which did not pass through its early stage of vagueness--that stage when the leaders were profoundly conscious of the existence of an evil or an injustice or a falsehood which needed to be swept away1 though they did not yet see what the proper manner of setting to work was1 or where the broom was to be found to do the sweeping with4 ,oh ye merciful heavens6 save us from cut-and-dried schemes1 at least at starting6 ,all honour to the men1 say ,i1 who did not pledge us all to a scheme1 to a paper constitution1 but who had the courage to say no more than this3 8,here in the body politic there is a horrible mischief at work2 the symptoms are very bad1 very alarming4 ,do let us see if some remedy cannot be found4 ,do help us to see our way out of our perplexity40 ,eleven years have now gone by since the ,society for the ,protection of ,ancient ,buildings was founded1 and ,i venture to think that the time has come when we must pass out of this stage whose characteristic is said to be vagueness of statement and uncertainty in the plan of operations1 and when it behoves some one to speak out and propose that we should take a step in advance4 ,i have no right to compromise my betters by pledging them to any crude proposition1 or any course which may seem to myself to be the right one4 ,but1 as a mere private person1 ,i hereby declare it to be my strong opinion that no time ought to be lost in settling the very important question to whom the churches of ,england do belong1 and who have the right of defacing1 degrading1 debasing the temples of ,god in the land1 turning them into blotchy caricatures1 or into lying mummies smalmed over with tawdry pigments1 like the ghastly thing in ,mr4 ,long's picture in the ,academy this year1 with an effeminate young pretender in the foreground making a languid oration over the disguised remains of the dead4 ,there are some things 7and they are the most precious of all things7 which no man has any moral right to treat as his own4 ,they are the things which came to us from an immemorial past1 and which belong to our children's children as much as to ourselves4 ,in the county of ,norfolk we have one aged oak that has stood where it stands now for at least a thousand years4 ,under its shadow twenty generations of a noble race have passed their childhood and early youth1 left it with a fond regret when the call came to them to engage in the battle of life1 and returned at last to find it still there1 hale and vigorous as it was centuries before the earliest of their ancestors settled in the land where its mighty roots are anchored4 ,the story of that race is full of romance not untinged by pathos4 ,if that oak were a talking oak1 what moving tales it could tell6 ,if ',arry ',opkins of ',ounslow should cast his fishy eyes upon that monster vegetable1 his first impulse would be to carve upon its gnarled bark his own hideous name or at least those two unhappy initials which he cannot pronounce4 ,his next would be to suggest that the tree should be trimmed up--restored in fact4 ,i should not like to be the man to make that proposition4 ,and why8 ,because ,i think the noble gentleman who calls that oak his heirloom looks upon it as a sacred trust which he holds from his forefathers1 and holds for his posterity too--a trust which it would be dishonour to neglect1 to mutilate1 or to destroy4 ,but within a pistol-shot of that venerable and magnificent tree stands the little village church4 ,there lie the bones of twenty generations of ,de ,greys2 there they were baptized1 wedded1 buried4 ,there they knelt in worship1 lifted up their voices in prayer and praise2 from father to son they bowed their heads at the altar1 gazed at the effigies of their ancestors--sometimes bitterly lamenting that the times were evil and poverty had come upon them1 sometimes silently resolving that they would carve out for themselves a career--sometimes returning to thank ,god who had enabled them so fully to perform their vow--sometimes glad at the sound of their own marriage bells1 sometimes sad when the tolling of those bells announced that another generation had passed away4 ,there stands that little church4 ,the old ,norman tower was standing as it stands to-day when1 at the beginning of the fourteenth century1 the first ,de ,grey came to ,merton2 and ,i have not a doubt that if a self-styled professional gentleman1 young enough and presumptuous enough and ignorant enough1 were to appear upon the scene1 he would solemnly and emphatically advise that ,merton ,church should at the earliest possible moment be restored4 ,the horrible thought is that under quite conceivable circumstances the thing might be done with very little difficulty and before you knew where you were4 ,think of the feelings of that old oak then6 ,i know ,i shall be told that a tree is one thing and a church is another1 that the one you cannot restore but you can restore the other4 ,you can restore neither2 you can murder both if you are a heartless assassin4 ,was it in the #ahea ,exhibition that they built up the bark of a giant of the ,californian forests and told us it was a restoration of a wonder of the world that had reared up its lofty top to heaven even from the days of the ,pharaohs8 ,a restoration6 ,nay6 a colossal fraud4 ,but such a fraud as is perpetrated in our midst every month1 and which1 when men have committed1 they are actually proud of4 ,i am often asked1 ,when was this or that church built8 ,and my answer is ready at hand4 ,it was not built at all6 ,it grew6 ,for every church in the land that has a real history is a living organism4 ,do you tell me that yonder doorway is of the twelfth century2 that yonder tower may have stood where it does when the ,conqueror came to sweep away 8pot-bellied ,saxondom20 that the chancel was rebuilt in the time of the ,edwards--the rood screen crowded into a place never meant for it during the ,wars of the ,roses1 the pulpit supplied by a village carpenter in the sixteenth century1 the carvings of the roof destroyed in the seventeenth1 the royal arms supplied in the eighteenth1 and therefore that nothing but a clean sweep is to be made of it all1 as a preliminary to building it all up from the ground in the nineteenth century8 ,do you call that restoration8 ,you assure me that you will faithfully and religiously copy the old4 ,why that is exactly what you can't do6 ,you can't copy the marks of the axe on early ,norman masonry4 ,you can't copy ,roman brickwork2 you daren't copy ,saxon windows that let the light in through oiled canvas in the days when sacredness1 and mystery1 and a holy fear were somehow associated with the presence of dimness and darkness and gloom4 ,you can't restore ancient glass3 the very secret of its transcendent glories lies in the imperfection of the material employed4 ,nay1 you can't even copy a thirteenth-century moulding or capital3 you can't reproduce the carvings you are going to remove--you have no eye for the delicate and simple curves3 your chisels are so highly tempered that they are your masters1 not your servants3 they run away with you when you set to work and insist on turning out sharply cut cusps1 all of the same size1 all of them smitten with the blight of sameness1 all of them straddling1 shallow1 sprawling1 vulgar1 meaningless2 melancholy witnesses against you that you have lost touch with the living past4 ,you can make the loveliest drawings of all that is left1 but the craftsmen are gone4 ,there's where you fail2 you say this and that ought to be done1 and this or that is what ,i mean2 but when you expect your ideas carried out then you utterly fail4 ,i know it is often said that the men of bygone times--say of the fifteenth century--were at least as great restorers as we are4 ,if it were true1 that would not excuse us4 ,but is it true8 ,why1 so far from it1 it is exactly because the architects of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries did not aim at restoring that our modern visionaries so often ask to be allowed to destroy their work and to reproduce what they destroyed4 ,i am no great admirer of those perpendicular gentlemen1 with their ugly flattened arches and their huge gaping west windows and their trickery and their pretence and their insincere display1 but they did know their own minds4 ,they did retain some architectural traditions1 and they had some architectural instincts4 ,but what have we to represent even their instincts8 ,have our craftsmen anything in the shape of historic enthusiasm8 or any sympathy with the religious feeling or ritual of the past8 ,emphatically1 ,no6 ,have they the old spirit of humility and reverence1 of generous regard for their masters1 teachers1 and pastors in religion or in art8 ,have we among us the self-distrust which kept in check the hankering of our forefathers to alter or improve8 ,or have we only the fidgetty and utterly reckless impatience of belonging to the majority of dismal beings1 who never make a great hit and leave no monument behind them except of the things they destroyed8 ,a few weeks ago ,i was engaged in examining the muniments of the ,diocese of ,ely1 and ,i came upon an agreement drawn up in strictly legal form between the ,prior of the convent of ,ely on the one part and ,thomas ,peynton1 master mason of ,ely1 on the other part--the convent agreeing to allow ,peynton an annuity for life of twelve marks of lawful money of ,england--i4e4 #h sterling--without board and lodging1 and a suit of clothes such as gentlemen wore1 he to do such masonry and stone-cutting as the ,sacrist of the convent should lay upon him1 and further to teach three apprentices1 to be nominated1 fed1 and boarded at the cost of the convent1 which in return was to benefit by all the profits of their labour4 ,if the convent should at any time send their master mason to work at any of their outlying possessions1 then and only then was the good man to receive an allowance for his maintenance4 ,if his health broke down or he became incapacitated by old age1 he was to receive a pension of six marks a year1 and his clothes1 but nothing more4 ,who has not stood before some of our cathedrals and found himself asking1 8,how was this temple piled up to heaven8 ,how could men build it in those rude old times40 ,how8 ,because in those rude old times1 as we are pleased to call them1 there were men like simple old ,thomas ,peynton of ,ely1 who1 having food and raiment1 were therewith content2 men who lived for the joy and glory of their work and did not regard their art as a means of livelihood1 so much as an end to live for2 men who were so stupid1 so far astray1 that to sacrifice the joy of living for a mountain of coin seemed to them propter vitam vivendi perdere causas4 ,you will be able to restore the churches which these men built when you can revive among the humblest workmen the spirit which animated the benighted1 deluded1 ,quixotic enthusiasts of the days gone by1 and not till then4 ,meanwhile1 we do know how to build better houses to live in--immeasurably grander hotels1 magnificent clubhouses1 and sumptuous restaurants4 ,our bridges and our railway stations1 our barracks and our shops1 are structures of which we have a right to be proud2 but as for our churches1 let us be humble1 let us forbear from meddling with what we do not understand4 ,let us pause before we set ourselves to restore1 let us be thankful if we are permitted to preserve4 ,but preserve8 ,how are we going to begin8 ,as a preliminary1 as a sine qu non1 what is wanted is to stop all unlicensed meddling with all ancient buildings throughout the land4 ,this can only be done by making it quite plain to whom those buildings belong4 ,the ownership of the ,houses of ,god must no longer be left1 as it is1 an open question4 ,it is absolutely necessary that the present anomalous condition of affairs should be got rid of1 and without delay1 and ,i see only one way out of the difficulty4 ,the old churches are a heritage belonging to the nation at large1 and now1 more than ever before1 it is true that the public at large have a claim to be heard before these venerable monuments of past magnificence should be dealt with as if they were the private property of individuals1 or of a handful of worthy people inhabiting a minute geographical area4 ,there are cases not a few where the whole population of a parish could be completely accommodated in a single aisle of the village church4 ,in one case that ,i forbear from naming lest some incompetent and restless aspirant for notoriety should fly upon the spoil and tear it limb from limb--one case of a certain parish where the population is under #bjj all told--where there still exists one of the most magnificent churches in ,england1 capable of accommodating at least #a1bjj worshippers on the floor1 and that church untouched by profane hands for centuries1 its very vastness has frightened the most audacious adventurers1 and it still stands in its majesty as the wonder and pride of the county in which it is situated4 ,to restore it according to the notions only too much in vogue would absorb a considerable fortune2 to preserve it for future generations1 unmutilated1 undefaced1 and in a condition to defy the elements for centuries1 would require a few hundreds2 and yet it would probably be easier to find a ,crsus who to gratify his own vanity or whim would be ready to lavish thousands upon that glorious structure and turn it into a gaudy exhibition for nineteenth-century sightseers to come and stare at2 easier to find that than to find the hundreds for putting the church into substantial repair4 ,yet ,i for one am inclined to think that to do the last is a duty1 to do the first would probably end in committing an outrage4 ,when we contemplate such churches as this 7and it is by no means a solitary instance71 what forces itself upon some of us is that they need first and foremost to be protected before we begin to speak even of repairing them4 ,we talk with pride of our ,national ,church4 ,is it not time that we should begin to talk of our ,national ,churches1 and time to ask ourselves whether the ecclesiastical buildings of this country should not be vested in some body of trustees or guardians or commissioners who should be responsible at least for their preservation8 ,is it not time that we should all be protected from the random experiments of 'prentice hands and the rioting of architectural buffoonery8 ,all honour to the generous enthusiasm which has urged so many large-hearted men and women in our time to make sacrifices of their substance1 not only ungrudgingly but joyfully and thankfully1 to make the ,houses of ,god in the land incomparably more splendid and attractive than they were4 ,but even enthusiasm1 the purest and noblest and loftiest enthusiasm1 if misdirected and uninstructed1 has often proved1 and will prove again1 a very dangerous passion4 ,before now there have been violent outbreaks of enthusiastic iconoclasm when the frenzy of destroyers has been in the ascendant and when those who would fain preserve the monuments of the past have been persecuted to the death4 ,is there enthusiasm abroad--enthusiasm to strengthen the things which remain that are ready to die8 ,by all means let it have scope2 give it opportunity of action2 let it have vent1 but beware how you allow it to burst forth into wild excesses2 let it be at least kept under control4 ,build your new churches as sumptuously as you please4 ,ours is the age of brick and iron1 of mechanical contrivances1 of comfort and warmth and light4 ,put all these into your new temples as lavishly as you will1 and then peradventure the ,church architecture of our own time may take a new departure2 but for the old ,houses of ,god in the land1 aim at preserving them and do not aim at more6 ,let it be enacted that1 whosoever he may be1 parson or clerk1 warden or sidesman1 architect or bricklayer1 man or woman1 who shall be convicted of driving a nail into a rood-screen or removing a sepulchral slab1 of digging up the bones of the dead to make a hole for a heating apparatus1 bricking up an ancient doorway or hacking out an aperture for a new organ or scraping off the ancient plaster from walls that were plastered five hundred years ago--any one1 ,i say1 who shall do any of these acts1 even with the very best motives1 if he have committed such an offence without the license of a duly constituted authority1 shall be adjudged guilty of a misdemeanour and sent to prison without the option of paying a fine4 ,would you do less in the case of a student at the ,national ,gallery who should presume to restore ,gainsborough's 8,parish ,clerk0 or ,francia's 8,entombment08 ,having made unlicensed meddling with our churches penal1 the next thing to be done is to carry out a survey of our churches1 and to obtain an exhaustive report upon the condition of all the ancient ecclesiastical buildings in the country which up to this moment have escaped the ravages of the prevailing epidemic4 ,i am afraid the list of such favoured edifices would stagger and horrify us all by its smallness4 ,the report to be drawn up and published of such a survey as ,i have ventured to propose would set out to the world an authoritative presentment of the actual condition of each church visited1 drawn up by duly qualified and certificated professional men according to instructions laid down for them4 ,the reports should include accurate ground-plans made according to one uniform scale1 elaborate copies of mouldings1 window-tracery1 doorways1 capitals1 roofs--not merely pretty little sketches suitable for the readers of the ,graphic1 but working drawings1 the results of careful measurement2 and to this should be added lists of monumental brasses1 fonts1 remains of mural paintings or ancient glass1 a complete register1 in fact1 of whatever remains the churches contained of ancient work in wood or stone or metal at the time the building was examined and reported on4 ,of course ,i shall be met by the objection that the expense of such a survey would be enormous1 and that any such scheme is therefore for that one reason impracticable4 ,i am not prepared to go into the estimates4 ,but of this ,i feel very certain1 that1 so far from the cost of such a survey and such a publication of reports as those contemplated deserving to be called enormous1 it would be much more truly described as insignificant4 ,the great bulk of the ancient churches which have not been violently tampered with during the last thirty years or so belong to two classes3 the very small ones1 which have seemed not worth meddling with1 and the very large ones which have frightened even the restorers4 ,the cost of drawing up reports upon the small churches would be very trifling and would bring down the average expense considerably1 and as to the time required for carrying out such a survey1 it need not1 ,i believe1 occupy more than three years1 though ,i dare say it might profitably be spread over five4 ,as to any other difficulty standing in the way1 it is ridiculous to suggest it4 ,a preliminary survey of all the churches in ,england was actually begun under the sanction of the ,archological ,institute thirty years ago1 and a brief report upon the condition of every church in seven counties was published1 and may be purchased now for a song4 ,each church was personally visited by some competent antiquary or architect1 and a slight but instructive notice of every edifice was supplied4 ,the survey of the county of ,suffolk alone dealt with no less than #eda ecclesiastical buildings of one sort or another4 ,will it be said that what was so effectively carried out on a small scale by private enterprise thirty years ago could not be done on a large scale now1 or that there is less need to do it now than there was in the past generation8 ,and consider the collateral advantages that would ensue4 ,consider the immense gain of keeping a band of young architects out of mischief for five years2 of inducing them during that time to confine themselves to the severe study of an important branch of their art2 of compelling them to become acquainted with the history of its growth and development1 and familiarizing them with the minutest detail of ,gothic architecture1 not in books but in situ2 and above all of giving them a direct interest in keeping up and preserving some hundreds of ancient buildings which1 as things are now1 they have actually a pecuniary interest in tempting people to pull down4 ,but1 desirable as it would be--nay1 necessary though it be--that some such undertaking as this should be carried through1 the other question must come first4 ,again and again we find ourselves driven back upon that when we attempt to stem the current of vandalism that may happen to be setting in this direction or in that4 ,the ownership of our ecclesiastical edifices must be placed upon a different footing from that which we have acquiesced in too long4 ,sooner or later this must come2 the sooner it comes the better for the interests we have at heart4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at this point prudence suggests that ,i should pause4 ,the time has not come for putting forward more than an outline of a proposal which is sure to be denounced as revolutionary4 ,it will be a great point gained if we can find acceptance for the principle advocated4 ,we all do dearly love our own old ways of looking at things2 we all do cling tenaciously to the prejudices which we inherited or which were stamped upon our minds in the nursery2 we all do honestly detest being worried into changes which interfere with our habits of thought and action and compel us to enter upon some new course4 ,yet if it be once brought home to us that a great national heritage is being rapidly sacrificed1 allowed to perish1 or1 worse1 being wantonly destroyed for lack of that small measure of protection which life and property have a right to expect in every civilized community1 ,i believe that the sense of a common danger will unite men in a generous forgetfulness of their favourite maxims and a shame at their own supineness1 and awaken them to see the necessity for concerted action2 and then the thing that needs doing will be done4 ,there was a time in our history when the cry of 8the ,church in danger0 provoked a strange frenzy among the people4 ,the panic did not last very long1 and not much came of it4 ,but if another cry should be raised by gentle and simple and men of all creeds and parties1 the cry of 8the churches in danger60 ,i do not think little or nothing would come of that4 ,that would be not the mere expression of a passing sentiment1 but it would be a call to action2 and when that cry does come to be raised1 the public at large will not be satisfied with anything less than drastic measures1 because the nation will have been roused to a consciousness of the value of their heritage2 and when a great people begins to assert itself1 it is not often that it is content with demanding only what it is morally justified in claiming4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,note4 ,the following appeared in ,the ,pall ,mall ,gazette of ,august #ae1 #ahhi4 ,if a more dreadful comment upon the above essay can be produced1 ,i have not yet met with it3-- ,,disestablishment ,,by ,,demolition4 ,mr4 ,thackeray ,turner1 the secretary of the ,society for the ,protection of ,ancient ,buildings1 requests us to publish the following appeal for an ancient church which is in imminent danger of destruction3-- ,the parish of ,sotterley1 in the county of ,suffolk1 lies about five miles from the town of ,beccles1 and is one of those close parishes which they who live in the opens are wont to look upon with a suspicion of envy4 ,it is the property of a single owner2 not a field or meadow1 not a yard of ground by the roadside1 not a stake in the hedgerow1 not a brick or a gate is to be seen in ,sotterley that is not part and parcel of the possessions of the squire and lord of the manor4 ,the estate was for some #djj years held by a family named ,playters1 which was counted among the great ,suffolk houses1 and which came to grief at last1 partly by taking the wrong side in the troublesome times1 and partly by the profuse hospitality which the overgrown size of ,sotterley ,hall tempted its owners to indulge in4 ,but for four centuries they lived here1 and here generation after generation they died and were laid in their graves4 ,in the little church which in life they loved1 their bones rest now1 and there are their monuments in brass and marble4 ,the walls are studded with their effigies4 ,moreover1 these ,playters--and indeed their predecessors the ,sotterleys--spent money and pains upon the sacred building4 ,there to this day stands the fourteenth-century screen in wonderfully good preservation1 four at least of the figures in its panels still retaining a great deal of the old brilliancy of colour1 though at least #ejj years have passed since they were first set up in the position they now occupy4 ,there1 too1 in situ may be seen many of the old oak benches with their handsome 8poppy-heads10 doubtless carved by ,sotterley craftsmen1 and carved out of the oaks that were growing in ,sotterley wood before the ,wars of the ,roses had begun4 ,the same roof1 which might be easily repaired at an insignificant cost1 covers the chancel which covered it before people had dreamed of a ,tudor king1 the panels but little injured1 and of the bosses not one missing4 ,a man may visit fifty churches in ,east ,anglia1 and not meet with one so entirely adapted to the needs of the small population who delude themselves with the preposterous belief that they have a right to worship there4 ,moreover1 ,sotterley ,church stands in a churchyard of unusually large dimensions4 ,it must cover at least an acre of ground1 and not half of this space shows the smallest sign of interments having been made in it during the present century4 ,but1 unhappily1 ,sotterley ,church and churchyard lie in the middle of ,sotterley ,park--not that it was always so1 for the park has come to the church1 not the church to the park--and people will insist in going to church1 even farmers and farm labourers will1 and worshipping the ,most ,high where their forefathers worshipped before them4 ,the ,hall of the ,playters was pulled down during the last century1 and the new hall--an ugly white-brick mansion of no pretension--was set up much nearer to the ancient church2 and when ,sotterley people died nothing could prevent their relatives from carrying their dead to the old graveyard and laying them where they themselves hoped to lie some day4 ,but was not this a little too bad1 to have a funeral procession of tearful clodhoppers passing through your park gates and under your very windows1 asking no leave1 but taking it in quite a brutal fashion8 ,therefore1 about ten years ago1 a vestry meeting1 or something of the sort1 was held in ,sotterley4 ,the landlord's pleasure was signified1 certain formalities were gone through1 the tenantry1 small and great1 were told that it was desirable that ,sotterley churchyard should be closed1 and1 the legal document being duly drawn up1 an order was obtained from the ,privy ,council1 and the churchyard was closed accordingly4 ,outside the park gates1 in a place where four ways meet1 a square patch of ground1 scrubby and soppy1 has been fenced off by a mean and ill-kept hedge1 and in the middle of it stares rather than stands1 a forbidding protuberance1 an octagonal construction of cheap ,sotterley bricks1 covered with cheap ,sotterley tiles1 looking like a ginger beer stall in a cricket ground where there is no play going on4 ,this thing is called a chapel1 ,i believe1 and here the ,sotterley people must needs bring their dead4 ,will they all be brought here8 ,high and low--rich and poor one with another8 ,well1 to get rid of the funerals passing through the park was one point scored2 but it was but a beginning4 ,on ,easter ,monday last a meeting of the parish in vestry assembled was held as usual in ,sotterley church4 ,i am told that the parishioners1 knowing what was coming1 very discreetly kept away1 all except the unhappy parson1 who was bound to be there1 the landlord and one1 two1 or three others1 who1 it is suspected1 were told to be there4 ,forthwith a resolution drawn up beforehand was proposed1 seconded1 and carried unanimously--for the parson had nothing to do but to 8put it to the meeting0--to the effect that it was desirable to pull down or shut up the church of ,sotterley1 and build another somewhere else4 ,i am told that this resolution has been actually forwarded to the ,bishop of ,norwich and that a faculty has been actually applied for to close or destroy a church which has been standing in its present site for the best part of a thousand years1 and that it only remains for the ,bishop to give his assent to this iniquitous proposition1 and one more of those monstrous outrages will have become an accomplished fact which we ,english submit to with just a little snarling after they have been committed1 and which we allow to be perpetrated under our eyes without ever lifting a finger to prevent4 ,whether the ,bishop of ,norwich is the man to connive at so shameful a job as this1 and to give his episcopal sanction to the proposed desecration1 is a question that is a humiliating one to ask1 for is it less than infamous that such things are so possible that we begin to inquire about their probability8 ,v4 ,,cathedral ,,space ,,for ,,neglected ,,records4 ,the most delightful place of resort on the face of the globe is to be found within a bow-shot of ,temple ,bar4 ,not on the south side of ,fleet ,street1 whatever enthusiastic gentlemen of the law may say1 nor on the west1 nor on the east1 for there too there is little to attract us except in the shop windows1 and there is noise and turmoil and the roar of a restless multitude bewildering and disturbing us whether we move or halt on our way4 ,no6 my happy valley lies to the north of the great thoroughfare2 its courts and halls and corridors1 its restful solitudes1 its mines of gold that are waiting to be worked1 its storehouses of precious things that are practically inexhaustible1 all are to be found in a favoured region that lies between ,chancery and ,fetter ,lanes4 8,record ,office1 ,fetter ,lane60 ,i said to the driver of a ,hansom some months ago4 8,do you mean ,chancery ,lane1 sir80 asked the voice through the hole over my head4 8,no1 ,i mean ,fetter ,lane40 ,the man actually did not know the situation of the earthly ,paradise4 ,pone me pigris ubi nulla vicis ,arbor stiva recreatur aura1 ,i murmured to myself--,i could not waste my ,horace upon ,cabby4 ,i am in the habit of assuring my lowly congregation upon ,sundays that for all their talk about heaven they would find themselves very much out of place there without some previous preparation for that desirable abode4 ,the same warning is equally true when applied to other blissful resting-places besides the celestial mansions4 ,you must have a taste for them2 you must have qualified yourself to enjoy them and to mix with the company you find there4 ,surely ,valhalla could only have suited the few4 ,but this place of resort of which ,i am thinking is a pleasure-house whose resources are actually limitless1 however well you may have learnt to use your opportunities4 8,life piled on life were all too little0 to get even so much knowledge of this prodigious and enormous accumulation of treasures as to be able to answer with certainty what may be found there and what not4 ,for eight-and-forty years there has appeared annually a ,report of the ,deputy ,keeper of the ,public ,records1 presenting us with an elaborate summary of work carried on by the functionaries employed in examining our national archives2 and so far are we from getting to the end of the work of men cataloguing and calendaring that it may reasonably be estimated another fifty years will be required to complete this vast preliminary labour2 and when that time comes it will be necessary to begin again at summarizing and supplying indices to the reports issued4 ,what next will follow it is difficult to conjecture or imagine4 ,the forty-eighth ,report1 issued in #ahhg1 happens to be lying at my elbow as ,i write1 and there1 ready for consultation1 ,i find a brief calendar of the ,patent ,rolls of the seventh year of ,edward the ,first1 drawn up by one of the many accomplished archivists of the ,office4 ,it fills #baf closely printed pages4 ,it summarizes at least #c1jjj documents1 some of them of considerable length2 they all belong to a single class1 and they are all concerned with the life of our forefathers--yours and mine1 my estimable reader--during the single year ending the #bjth of ,november1 #abgi4 ,six centuries ago4 ,think of that6 ,yet this collection is but one among thousands4 ,the third ,report1 issued in #ahdb1 first drew attention to the existence of a huge mass of ancient letters of the reigns of ,king ,john1 ,henry the ,third1 and ,edward the ,first1 the most modern of them1 observe1 coming down no nearer to our own time than the year #acjg ,a4,d4 8,this important mass10 we are told1 8appears to contain #a1idb bundles1 each containing on the average about #bjj documents1 or about #chh1djj on the whole40 ,scared by such figures as these1 the imagination1 a trifle jaded1 refuses to dwell upon #iac ,papal ,bulls of various dates1 or to take the trouble to speculate upon the probable bulk of seven or eight thousand documents which reveal unknown secrets about the ancient forests and their boundaries4 ,but we are fairly aghast at the news that there are hundreds of rolls averaging #bjj feet in length1 and at least one extending to the enormous dimensions of #hjj feet1 written within and without with lamentation and mourning and woe4 ,there could be no eating such a roll as that6 ,the documents deposited in the ,record ,office1 and which1 as we have seen1 are likely to have taken a hundred years to catalogue before they become readily accessible to students and explorers1 count by millions4 ,they are of all sorts1 conditions1 and classes1 but they may be roughly described as concerned with the civil and political history of the nation2 that is1 they deal with the development of our institutions1 with the government of our sovereigns through their ministers1 with the changes in our laws and their administration1 with the complex questions of the tenure of land and the changes in its ownership1 with the rise and growth of our commerce1 with our wars by land and by sea1 with a hundred other matters which never can cease to have a profound and undying interest for the citizens of a great empire4 ,let us1 for convenience' sake1 call the ,record ,office the storehouse of authorities on ,england's constitutional history4 ,this vast tabularium1 as the ,romans called their ,public ,record ,office1 is situated1 as ,i have said1 within a bow-shot of ,temple ,bar1 and to the northeast of that vanished structure4 ,about double the same distance on the south-west there exists another huge depository of records1 which may be said to be a great storehouse of authorities concerned with our family history4 ,the wills which are stored in ,somerset ,house1 though beginning at a date centuries later than the early records in ,fetter ,lane1 go back quite far enough to make the reading of the great mass of them not always easy for the uninitiated4 ,they1 too1 probably count by millions1 and ,i have known one gentleman who estimated the number which he himself had looked at and examined with more or less attention at not less than a hundred thousand4 ,this collection is more easily accessible to students than the other1 inasmuch as here we are dealing with a single class of documents1 which present no difficulties of arrangement1 and which have been carefully preserved and habitually consulted for generations1 and are as a rule bound up in big volumes of transcripts1 or offices copies1 made for the most part within a short time of the original wills having been proved before the accredited officials4 ,so far as they go the wills in ,somerset ,house contain to a very great extent the genealogical history of ,england4 ,it is necessary to guard this statement by qualifying words1 for the wills in ,somerset ,house are the wills of men and women who died in the southern province only4 ,if we lengthen our radius1 keeping to ,temple ,bar as our centre and sweeping a circle say of five miles in diameter1 we shall include within this circumference a vast collection of records of a very miscellaneous character4 ,there are the muniments of the ,city of ,london2 there is an unknown mass of curious 8evidences0 in the secret chambers of the ,london companies2 there are the mysterious and probably very large stores of recondite lore hidden away somewhere in the great ,inns of ,court1 and perhaps in forgotten garrets of some of the minor dependencies of those august institutions4 ,there are the sessional records of the county of ,middlesex1 which a very moderate estimate has assured us contain more than half a million documents2 and1 in addition to all these1 there are probably many other important collections subsidiary to these larger ones1 the very existence of which is unknown and unsuspected except by some few reticent creatures1 who with the grip of the miser cling secretively to the hoarded treasures that they cannot spend and will not let any one else look at4 ,it must be evident to any one who reflects upon the measureless bulk--the mere bulk--of these various assemblages of ancient documents to be found within the metropolitan area alone1 that any heroic policy which should contemplate gathering them all under a single roof1 and unifying them in a centralized national tabularium1 is inpracticable4 ,a ,public ,record ,office which should not only be a monster warehouse for the safe custody of our ancient muniments1 but should be a library of reference open to all duly qualified persons desirous of pursuing historical research among our unprinted sources1 would be a building that would more than fill ,trafalgar ,square4 ,obviously such a collection1 to be practically accessible1 would require to be methodized1 arranged1 catalogued1 and to some extent indexed4 ,an army of trained officials would be needed to deal with the materials under their hands4 ,it would take a lifetime to set the house in order4 ,the very geography of such a world would require a guide-book as perplexing as a ,bradshaw4 ,the magnificent collection now at the ,record ,office is1 as has been seen1 only in course of being examined and calendared4 ,even after fifty years of unremitting labour bestowed upon it we have a very imperfect knowledge of what it contains2 and this1 be it remembered1 though no department of the public service can compare with this in the ability1 industry1 enthusiasm1 and profound learning which have been for generations the characteristic of the officials1 one and all1 high and low4 ,from the days of that cross-grained1 combative1 and overwhelmingly learned miracle of erudition ,william ,prynne down to our own day there has been a kind of apostolical succession among the keepers of the national archives and their coadjutors4 ,the ,record ,office almost deserves to have a dictionary of biography of its own4 ,to widen the field of labour here would be to destroy all hope of its ever being brought into order4 ,centralization of our muniments has well-nigh reached its utmost limits in the unwieldy proportions of the collection now under the charge of the ,deputy ,keeper4 ,to extend those limits and to bring together additional millions of ,,mss4 from distant depositories would be to convert the great tabulariumn into a colossal cmeterium1 in which they would be not so much preserved as buried for all time4 ,let it be conceded1 then1 that1 as far as the ,record ,office is concerned1 it will be best to leave well alone4 ,the custodians of our archives in ,fetter ,lane have quite enough to occupy their time for many a long day4 ,they are not the men to need urging or to embarrass by loading them with new accessions of work which they can never hope to get through4 ,on the other hand1 the muniments of such bodies as the great ,inns1 the chartered companies1 or the ,corporation of ,london can hardly--at any rate hardly yet--be looked upon and dealt with as public property4 ,these corporations very naturally cling to their own possessions2 they are jealous of throwing open their muniments to be scrutinized and peeped into by prying eyes by no means always looking with a kindly or benevolent gaze4 ,why should the benchers of the ,middle ,temple1 for instance1 lay out their early charters to be copied by every chance grievance-monger1 to be printed with appropriate comments in the columns of the ,wapping ,watchman1 and enriched by learned notes and illustrations full of love and sweetness8 ,why should the ancient ,guild of the ,girdlers court publicity when there is a host of ,grub ,street ragamuffins only too glad to make merchandise of their 8,curious ,revelations0 and to ferret out inconvenient scraps of information to be used for the destruction of the things that are8 8,confound that shabby old ,dryasdust60 we might hear the warden growl out to his brethren of the craft4 8,if the fellow goes on like that we shall have to ask him to dinner1 give him a bad one1 and protest we could not afford a better in the lamentable condition of our finances40 ,no6 ,diligent explorers and omnivorous antiquaries like my friend ,mr4 ,cadaverous must be patient and submissive4 8,the rights of property1 sir--the rights of property must be respected4 ,make your approaches in a spirit of courtesy and with becoming respect for the august body to which we belong1 and you may find us gracious and condescending2 but come to us as a footpad grabbing at our fobs1 and you may find the consequences disastrous4 ,we have been known to give pence to beggars1 but to submit to be plundered--never60 ,there is1 however1 one class of documents to be found within the area that ,i have been dealing with which may fairly be regarded as public property in a different sense from that in which the civic and corporate muniments can be considered such4 ,i refer to the registers and churchwardens' books1 which constitute an important collection of records from which a great deal of our parochial and family history may be gleaned4 ,i know how contemptuously some good folks affect to treat pedigree-hunting and genealogy4 ,i know how much ridicule has been heaped upon the pompous pettiness of beadles and vestrymen4 ,mr4 ,bumble in a ,punch and ,judy show or in a ,christmas pantomime is always greeted with a welcome of convulsive merriment4 ,and yet somehow we all do feel some sly hankering to know how they managed it in the parochial councils1 say1 two or three hundred years ago2 and few men are so indifferent as some dull men pretend to be about the mere bare births1 deaths1 and marriages of their forefathers4 ,it may be very profitless1 very silly1 but so is playing at chess1 and smoking1 and many another harmless diversion4 ,and is that all8 ,i am not going to enter into the question of what larger and wider fields of enquiry the humbler by-paths of research may help us to pass through without going helplessly astray2 but this is certain1 that there never has been a civilized nation since nations grew into organized life--never has been1 never will be--in which something like a passion for finding out the smaller secrets of the past has not been strong1 and in some minds absorbing4 ,be that as it may1 there are1 it may be estimated1 some hundreds of volumes scattered about in all sorts of odd places1 in the custody of all sorts of odd people1 within the metropolitan area which contain the entries of the three most important events in the lives of millions of people who have been born1 wedded1 and died within five miles of ,temple ,bar during the last three centuries and a half4 ,these volumes are being consulted every week4 ,copies of the entries made in them are produced as evidence in courts of justice every month1 and vast sums of money change hands every year on the testimony which those books afford1 and almost upon that alone4 ,on that testimony again and again the title to large estates1 the right to seats in the ,house of ,lords1 the legitimacy of son or daughter1 has depended4 ,fiction and fact have vied with each other in emphasizing the romantic incidents that our parish registers have chronicled or concealed4 ,all the existing parish registers within the metropolitan area1 from the year #aech 7when parish registers first began to be kept in ,england7 to the beginning of the present century1 and all the churchwardens' books besides1 might easily be kept in a single room of ,somerset ,house1 and be easily supplied with perfect personal indices in five years4 99 99 99 99 99 ,one more class of ancient records remains to be dealt with before we leave ,london and its purlieus4 ,nothing has yet been said of that immense mass of precious muniments which constitute the apparatus from which the ecclesiastical history of ,england may be compiled2 that is1 the history of the part which the ,church has played in the political1 religious1 and1 ,i may add1 the moral and intellectual training and education of the nation4 ,there are within little more than a mile of our old friend ,temple ,bar three great depositories of ecclesiastical records of inestimable value and of unknown richness--one at the ,archiepiscopal ,palace of ,lambeth1 one at ,st4 ,paul's1 one in the precincts of ,westminster ,abbey4 7#a7 ,the collection of ,,mss4 at ,lambeth was very ably catalogued nearly eighty years ago1 and is readily accessible to all who are desirous and competent to make an intelligent use of the treasures it contains4 7#b7 ,the archives of ,st4 ,paul's comprehend not only the muniments of the great ,metropolitan ,chapter1 but those also of the bishopric of ,london4 ,the ,chapter records have been examined and reported upon by the present ,deputy ,keeper in the ,ninth ,report of the ,historic ,,mss4 ,commission4 ,of course ,mr4 ,lyte has done his work in a masterly way1 and to the wonder and despair of smaller men who have tried their 'prentice hands at such employment2 but he warns us that 8the greater part of the collection has never yet been examined for literary or historical purposes20 and so far from this important assemblage of original documents being accessible to research1 ,mr4 ,lyte1 when he began his examination1 found it stowed away in boxes 8in an octagonal chamber above the ,dean's vestry10 and one box full of ancient documents had been discovered by the ,bishop of ,oxford 8in a loft over the ,chapter ,house40 ,the extent1 interest1 and importance of the capitular records to historical students is in the present condition of our knowledge quite incalculable4 ,but the archives of the diocese of ,london are also said to be kept in ,st4 ,paul's4 ,thirty years ago1 when ,i was very young at this kind of work1 ,i obtained permission to make a search among the muniments of the ,bishop of ,london for certain small fragments of information which1 in the glorious hopefulness of youth1 ,i was bent on discovering4 ,during three short ,december days ,i was privileged to climb to a certain chamber in a certain tower of ,st4 ,paul's1 and there to immure myself for five or six hours at a time4 ,there is a region where beings who succeed in retaining their personality must needs be the sport of the vortices that whirl and eddy through the 8vast inform10 where 8,chaos umpire sits0 and 8next him high arbiter ,chance governs all40 ,but in such a region none may hope to find anything that he can carry away4 ,i emerged from that three-days' audacious voyage of discovery with my intellect only a little disordered and my constitution only a trifle shattered1 and ,i survive to speak of that bewildering and horrible experience as men speak of their confused recollection of an escape from drowning4 ,from that day to this ,i have never met with a human being who had ever been bold enough to search among the archives of the bishopric of ,london or who could tell me anything about them1 good or bad4 7#c7 ,somewhere--somewhere--within the precincts of the great ,abbey of ,westminster there are said to be imprisoned in grim and forbidding seclusion unknown multitudes of witnesses1 voiceless1 tongueless1 forgotten1 whose testimony1 if it could be extorted1 would strangely and powerfully affect our views upon hundreds of incidents and movements1 hundreds of crimes and errors and sacrifices and grand endeavours that now are very imperfectly understood1 often wholly misrepresented1 and some of them passed out of remembrance4 ,let us take an example4 ,we have all of us heard of the ,star ,chamber4 ,pray may ,i ask my accomplished readers if they know anything about the ,stars8 ,nay6 ,be not rash with thy lips4 ,the name ,star ,chamber has not the remotest connection with astronomy4 ,the name carries us back to a time when the children of ,israel were swarming in ,england and when they were the great bankers or money-lenders--almost the only bankers and money-lenders--within the four seas4 ,impecunious scoundrels up and down the land mortgaged their lands or pawned their valuables1 and the ,jews advanced them money upon their securities4 ,the promises to pay1 the agreements to surrender property on non-payment1 the bonds1 the bills1 the orders of court1 and the documentary evidence bearing upon all these transactions between the creditors and the debtors1 the borrowers and the lenders1 were drawn up in the ,hebrew language1 and the records of these multifarious transactions between the ,jews and the ,christians1 dating back to an unknown antiquity 7possibly to a time very little after the ,conquest7 and ending about the year #abij1 when all ,jews were banished from ,england with unspeakable acts of cruelty and wrong--these records1 ,i say1 are to be found in the archives of ,westminster ,abbey4 ,these ,hebrew records are believed to count by thousands1 and are known by the name of stars among the few who even know that there are such things in existence4 ,as to the exact meaning or derivation of the word1 ,i dare not venture upon an explanation of it2 nor as to the correct spelling of it am ,i qualified to express an opinion4 ,it is sufficient for me that the court in which these suits between the ,jews and their victims1 or their defrauders1 were tried and decided was in ancient times called the ,star ,chamber1 because the records of the proceedings which were there adjudicated upon were popularly known as stars4 ,perhaps not six men in ,britain have ever looked intelligently at this mass of ,hebrew ,,mss4 ,i believe only one man living--,mr4 ,davies--has devoted any time to the study of them4 ,and yet with this immense and unique apparatus absolutely untouched1 with this virgin soil that has been neglected and unknown for six centuries1 literary empirics have more than once set themselves to write the history of the ,jews to the ,middle ,ages1 8resorting to their imagination for their facts0 when the facts were there at their elbows if they had only known it4 ,the history of the ,jews in ,england down to the time of their expulsion by ,edward the ,first remains to be written1 because the materials for that history have remained to the present hour unread4 ,take another instance4 ,there have been many very interesting books printed about ,westminster ,abbey2 about the sovereigns that were crowned there1 about sovereigns that were buried there1 about dramatic incidents that occurred within the glorious church1 about its architecture1 about its school1 about its single bishop and its many illustrious deans4 ,the magnificent and venerable institution is so spangled with golden memories that the dryest handbook must needs prove attractive to the dullest of readers4 ,the whole place in its every stone and nook and corner is wrapped in an atmosphere of romance and wonder and mystery2 but anything that deserves to be called by so grand a name as a ,history of ,westminster ,abbey1 or anything approaching to it1 can no more be said to exist than can the ,history of ,carthage or ,damascus4 ,there may be1 there is1 some excuse for our ignorance in the one case1 but in the other case there is none4 ,there1 within the very walls where the history was a-making through the ages1 in the very handwriting of the men whose lives were passed within the precincts and who were actors in the drama of which they left their fragments of notes or scraps of illustrations or briefest mementoes1 there1 huddled together in bunks and trunks and sacks and boxes--no one can tell you exactly where--there is such a wealth of materials that when it comes to be methodized and utilized1 digested and studied1 as it must be some day1 the result will inevitably be to make the men of the future look with larger1 other eyes than ours upon the action of those forces and the character of those movements1 and the statesmanship of those leaders and commanders of the people which have worked together in the evolution of a great nation from its inchoate condition of a mere gathering of peoples4 ,nevertheless1 for any facilities that exist for studying the records of ,westminster ,abbey they might almost as well be kept in glass cases in the moon as be where they are4 ,am ,i1 then1 going to propose4448 ,my good sir1 ,i am going to propose nothing1 nothing at any rate with regard to the ,london records1 lay or clerical4 ,only this ,i venture to remark1 that before we have taken stock of our metropolitan muniments and got them into order1 before we have provided suitable receptacles for them and put them under the charge of qualified custodians1 we shall be wiser if we learn a little modesty in talking about other people and other places1 and what they ought to do and what ought to be done for them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,once upon a time there was a grizzly monster who sat himself down in the neighbourhood of the ancient city of ,thebes4 ,he was a ravenous monster with an insatiable appetite1 and he demanded for his meals large supplies of ,theban youths and maidens4 ,the monster conducted himself in a very exacting and insolent manner1 and somehow he contrived to make the unhappy ,thebans acquiesce in his bold assumption that the gods had created ,thebes and all that belonged to it for no other purpose under heaven than for the support and glorification of his own unwieldy self1 growing daily more corpulent1 voracious1 and overbearing4 ,at last one fine day the monster in a sportive humour asked the ,thebans a riddle1 and a sagacious gentleman guessed the riddle4 ,the answer was 8,man40 ,it was a very curious conundrum1 and when the answer came it brought with it an important and startling suggestion4 8,ye burghers of ,thebes10 one cried1 8look to it6 ,man was not created for the monster6 ,that be far from us6 ,monsters peradventure there must be--some beneficent1 some malign1 some to be proud of1 some to loathe4 ,but be they what they may1 let it be ours to proclaim1 ,not man for the monsters1 but monsters for the behoof of man60 ,that wholly novel and unexpected resolution1 having been carried unanimously and by acclamation1 wrought quite a revolution among the ,theban folk4 ,i am sorry to say its effect upon the voracious creature aforesaid was disastrous4 ,they say he did not wait to perish of famine1 but died violently of a ruptured heart4 ,there is among us a school of pundits1 who live and always have lived within the sound of ,bow ,bells1 whose ,dagon and ,baal and ,moloch and ,juggernaut combined is ,london1 whose ,gospel is 8,blessed are they whom the great city vouchsafes to devour40 ,outside the five-miles circle1 or the ten-miles circle1 these men think there are indeed certain insignificant atoms1 minute1 nebulous1 meteoric1 held in solution in that impalpable medium which for convenience has been called by idealists the realm of ,england1 but that these purposeless particles have no sort of cohesion1 and their continuance even as atoms can only be assured in so far as they are destined to become integral portions of that vast pleroma the all-embracing and all-devouring ,london4 ,no6 ,let it be proclaimed upon the housetops1 let the protest go forth and awake the echoes1 8,england does not exist for ,london1 but ,london for ,england60 ,let men ponder that profound and pregnant utterance of the greatest of our historians--8,from the beginning of its political importance ,london acts constantly as the pulse1 sometimes as the brain1 never perhaps in its whole history as the heart of ,england40 ,is that so8 ,then let us beware how we give our monster more than its due and more than it can manage1 lest it develop into a hydrocephalous monster with a pulse that beats but feebly by reason of its life's blood being scantily supplied4 ,indeed1 it is easy to exaggerate the value and importance even of the metropolitan archives4 ,to begin with1 the records of the ,city of ,london will be found of little or no use for investigating the history of ,english agriculture4 ,what will they teach us about the complex questions of land tenure1 the life of the peasantry1 the relations between the lords and the tenants of the soil1 about the condition of the people1 high and low1 about those local courts and franchises and customs1 and disciplinary and formative machinery1 which 8through oppression prepared the way for order and by routine educated men for the dominion of law08 ,you must go a long way out of ,london to get anything like a grasp of the constitution of a county palatine1 and to understand the working1 if ,i may use the expression1 of such forms of local government as were once active in the manor1 the honour1 or the hundred4 ,you must study such matters not only in the rolls and charters that survive1 but you must study them too in the geographical areas with which they are concerned4 ,what6 gather together all the parish registers1 and all the wills and all the sessional papers within the four seas and toss them all together into a vast heap 8somewhere0 in ,london6 ,what for8 ,that a score or two of cockney dryasdusts may have the opportunity of getting at them by a short ride outside a 8penny bus08 ,why1 you might just as well propose that all the parish churches should be carted away bodily and set up 8somewhere0 in battle array as a kind of ecclesiastical wall round the metropolis1 in order to give adequate facilities of study to the ,institute of ,british ,architects in ,conduit ,street4 ,the fact is that within the last few years more has been done in the way of arranging1 cataloguing1 and providing for the safe custody of ancient documents in the provinces than has been even attempted 7outside the ,record ,office7 by ,london and the ,londoners4 ,we poor creatures in the wilds1 we don't go whining for subsidies from the ,government1 we don't clamour for grants from the national exchequer2 and there are some of us that can give a very much better account of our muniments than you ,londoners can give of yours4 ,thirty years ago the corporation of ,norwich had a catalogue of its records drawn up by a local antiquary1 which for convenience of reference and the intimate and wide knowledge it displays could bear comparison with any similar undertaking then existing in the country4 ,the records of the borough of ,ipswich1 says ,mr4 ,j4 ,cordy ,jeaffreson1 8are at present so perfectly arranged that with the help of the new catalogue and index 444 the custodian can produce without difficulty any charter1 roll1 or paper account that it may be needful to examine40 ,the records of the corporation of ,leicester1 says the same learned antiquary1 8will endure comparison with the muniments of any provincial borough in ,great ,britain40 ,the magnificent enthusiasm of two citizens of that same borough has brought this immense assemblage of ,,mss4 into a condition which may well arouse envy and ought to stimulate rivalry2 while the example set by the mayor and corporation in making their treasures accessible to all comers proves that enthusiasm is contagious4 ,these instances are taken at random2 there is no need to multiply them4 ,it is well known to experts1 and to some who are much less than experts1 that the condition of our corporation records throughout the land is very far more satisfactory than was suspected a few years ago1 and that every year more and more attention is being bestowed upon them1 more vigilance displayed in their preservation1 and more zeal and earnestness exhibited in the patient study of their contents4 ,every year the number of intelligent explorers of our municipal and other local archives is steadily increasing1 which means that every year the study of our history is being more laboriously pursued by specialists4 ,for the rest1 the whole field is felt to be too vast to travel through in the present state of our knowledge4 ,but just as great laws and great generalizations in physical science have been made1 and could only have been made1 by the devotion of students concentrating their attention upon a single branch of physiology1 chemistry1 or astronomy1 and registering the conclusions--that is1 the certainties--which their several researches have arrived at1 so must it be with history2 there1 too1 research must be carried on by men who will be content to labour in a limited area and to deal with problems which cease to be insignificant when their bearing upon larger questions is recognized and the results of one man's toil are affiliated to those of another's4 ,but if this be so1 if indeed the history of ,england of the future will be the outcome of what may be called the experimental and departmental method of research1 it is obvious that the examination of the enormous body of evidence now at our command must be carried on by local inquiries4 ,only so can slight hints and faint clues be apprehended1 the local customs and dialects understood1 and the very names of places and persons detected in their various disguises4 ,but what we have found ourselves led to suspect when we were dealing with the various collections of records now dispersed in the great hiding-places of ,london--namely1 that sooner or later we shall have to group those records in departmental archives--this we are irresistibly compelled to believe we shall sooner or later have to do with the large masses of historic ,,mss4 which are scattered broadcast over the island from ,land's ,end to ,john o' ,groat's ,house4 ,in the smaller world of ,london--yes1 ,mr4 ,gigadibs1 the smaller world--observe1 it is a concession to your stubborn prejudices to call it a world at all1 but if a world ,i protest that the qualifying epithet must be resorted to--in the smaller world of ,london we have seen that the existing collections of records may be roughly associated in certain groups or classes according as they are regarded as belonging to the evidences bearing upon 7#a7 the history of the monarchy and the development of the constitution2 7#b7 the history of ,english law and all that concerns such matters as procedure1 judicature1 and the like2 7#c7 the history of the ,city of ,london--of its great guilds1 its customs1 privileges1 and commerce2 7#d7 personal and family history1 and 7#e7 lastly1 ecclesiastical history1 including in that the history of the religious houses4 ,in the wider area we should have to make a similar classification1 but in doing so we should have to add one class of documents very inadequately represented in the ,london collections2 ,i mean those which supply an apparatus for studying the history of the land4 ,and here we are face to face with a serious difficulty4 ,the evidences1 which until the present century were so intimately associated with a landed estate that they passed with the estate as an almost necessary proof that possession had been conveyed1 had in the lapse of ages grown in many instances to an aggregate of documents whose bulk was prodigious and its mere stowage embarrassing4 ,where the capital mansion of an extensive property was proportionate to the acreage it was easy to set apart one room as a muniment-room1 in which thousands of charters1 court rolls1 bailiffs' accounts1 and other records were deposited and sometimes arranged with great care and precision2 but where a great estate was broken up1 or there was no longer any important residence upon it1 the evidences often found their way into very strange depositories4 ,the family solicitor had to find a home for them1 and to do so was often extremely inconvenient2 or the capital mansion became a farm-house1 and the evidences were packed in boxes and sent up to the garrets under the roof1 in some cases were bundled into the hayloft4 ,by the legislation which simplified the conveyance of land and rendered it no longer necessary to go back to the beginning of time in order to prove a title1 the ancient 8evidences0 became at once valueless for all practical purposes4 ,they became not only useless but odious lumber1 and a process of quietly getting rid of them set in and has been steadily carried on to the present moment4 ,the rolls of manor courts and courts leet1 which give an insight into the daily life of our forefathers1 and which may still be met with in large numbers1 dating back to the days of ,henry the ,third1 were destroyed by tens of thousands4 ,documents which could have thrown light upon some of the most interesting problems which are now being worked at by the profoundest jurists and the most acute students of constitutional history have perished in unknown multitudes4 ,others which contained invaluable illustrations of local customs--of tyrannous overstraining of feudal authority on the one hand or of crafty evasions of feudal services on the other1 of the rapacity of lords and stewards of manors here and of successful appropriations of strips of land or rights of commonage or pasture there--vanished from the face of the earth1 none would tell how4 ,the extent to which this destruction of ancient muniments has been carried on cannot yet be even approximately estimated4 ,nevertheless much remains4 ,the interest which such writers as ,mr4 ,seebohm1 ,mr4 ,maitland1 ,mr4 ,thorold ,rogers1 and others have aroused in the many important inquiries which they have severally pursued is increasing day by day1 and there can be no doubt that a desire to become better acquainted with the contents of those documents which still survive and may still be rescued and preserved is spreading rapidly and widely4 ,but 8where are they to be kept when we have got them80 is the question that presses4 ,it is more than can be expected of the civic authorities that they should charge the rates of the town with providing house room for collections of ,,mss4 which are but remotely concerned with the history of the boroughs themselves4 ,the local museums as a rule are overcrowded and can barely keep their heads above water4 ,the boxes and bundles of rolls and parchments in the lawyers' offices are provokingly in the way2 the country houses are changing hands week by week1 and ,philistines prefer dressing-rooms to muniment rooms4 ,will no one suggest a way out of our difficulties8 99 99 99 99 99 ,i have passed very lightly over the condition of affairs at ,westminster ,abbey and ,st4 ,paul's1 and that for more reasons than one1 the chief reason1 but by no means the only one1 being that ,i know nothing about the ,abbey muniments or of those of the bishopric of ,london1 and nobody seems able to tell me anything4 ,i have not even alluded to the archdeaconries of the diocese of ,london4 ,those lofty souls whose habit it is to dogmatize most airily when they declaim most ignorantly1 are never more jocose than when they take a turn at the archdeacons and their visitations4 ,well1 it is very funny to think of there being any grotesque survivals of such an institution as an archdeacon's court still existing among us4 ,what a droll prelate ,bishop ,remigius must have been that he actually divided his overgrown and unwieldy diocese of ,lincoln into seven archdeaconries about twelve years after the ,conquest6 ,how very odd that the successors of those seven functionaries have been going on merrily archdeaconizing down to the present day6 ,how did they amuse themselves all this long time8 ,how did they keep up their little game8 8,exercising archidiaconal functions1 of course40 ,and of course we are expected to receive that novel explanation with shouts of laughter4 ,well1 but wouldn't you like to know how they really did employ themselves8 ,suppose you were by chance to hear that the action of the archdeacons' courts had something to do with the emigration of the ,pilgrim ,fathers and many hundreds of their friends to ,new ,england1 say1 in the seventeenth century2 something perhaps to do with the death of ,arch-bishop ,laud and the twenty years' imprisonment of ,bishop ,wren4 ,wouldn't you like to know something about it all8 ,what have become of the records of the archdeaconries8 ,i know where a few of them are3 but where the great mass of them are to be found ,i know not1 and it would take a great deal of trouble to discover4 ,those that ,i know of are in closets in lawyers' offices4 ,a blessing on those lawyers1 say ,i1 for they have at any rate preserved some fragments of ancient evidences which but for them would have gone to make glue long ago4 ,but if you want to find out what the ecclesiastical discipline exercised by the archdeacons upon gentle and simple in the old days was like1 you will have to fish up the records of the archdeacons' courts out of their hiding-places1 and you will find them to contain some very1 very funny items of information1 almost as droll as the buffoonery of those lofty souls4 ,if we are ever to arrive at clearer and truer views of the history of the slow growth of certain moral1 religious1 and even political convictions among the great body of the people--by the help of1 or in despite of1 the inquisitorial1 coercive1 and repressive machinery of the local ecclesiastical courts1 which for centuries were exercising a real and terrible power within a ride of every man's door through the length and breadth of the land--we certainly must not neglect that large body of evidence which is to be found in the records of the archdeacons' courts4 ,but it is obvious that such records must be unified1 must be made accessible to students1 which means1 in other words1 that they must be collected into diocesan or provincial archives4 ,so with the parochial registers1 churchwardens' books1 the wills and other ,,mss4 which are more or less concerned with the private and family life of our ancestors4 ,we have a right to know what our fathers thought and believed1 and how they got to break away from this or that superstition1 arrived at this or that new truth1 were delivered from this or that thraldom1 rebelled against this or that wrong1 suffered for their errors as if they were crimes1 learnt to reverence even doubt when it dawned upon them that doubters could be earnest1 noble1 and loving1 learnt to see that ,christian charity could be tolerant even of mistakes2 how their horizon widened as their vision became stronger2 how as knowledge grew from more to more the old bonds and shackles that cramped the spirit of man became more and more strained even to bursting2 how the old fetters bit into the flesh of some1 the old chains wore out the hearts and brains of others2 how they spoke to their children in their last hours2 what messages they sent to friends and kindred when the end was drawing very near2 what their hope and trust was as they looked beyond the veil4 ,yes1 we have a right to know these things if they are to be known4 ,you may sneer at the follies of pedigree hunters if you will1 and deride the harmless madness of genealogists2 but ,i do not envy the man who would not give two straws to find out whether his grandfather's grandfather was a hero or a blackleg1 whether he lived the life of a successful pickpocket1 or died the death of a martyr for his honest convictions4 ,and if any one is so little acquainted with the curiosities of parish registers1 or the contents of parish chests1 or the strange secrets often revealed or alluded to in the wills of provincial probate courts1 as to suppose that these 8rags of time0 are wholly wanting in any elements of pathos and romance1 he certainly has a great deal to learn1 and he knows very little indeed about the contents of documents which he so tranquilly assumes to be 8barren all40 ,from what has been said thus far ,i hope it will be clear that ,i am as little inclined to advocate the removal of the municipal records from their proper homes1 the muniment rooms of the provincial boroughs1 as ,i am to propose that the archives of ,london should be transferred from the ,guildhall to any other repository4 ,what is wanted is not centralization but classification4 ,already it has been found advisable to remove the natural history collections from the ,british ,museum and to find a home for them in ,kensington4 ,the time may come1 and may not be far distant1 when a further step will have to be taken in the direction of relieving the congested storehouses at ,bloomsbury of some other assemblage of precious objects4 ,in ,london we find ourselves more and more driven to specialize our collections1 if only to save ourselves from bewilderment4 ,but as to any great collections of historical documents1 except only that at the ,record ,office1 they do not exist2 they have still to be made4 ,meanwhile one large class of records--the ecclesiastical1 parochial1 and testamentary records--may be said to be in great danger of gradually but certainly perishing1 partly from mere disuse1 partly from the want of any adequate provision for their safe keeping1 partly from the actual uncertainty that attaches to their ownership4 ,one and all they are national records1 the preservation of which ought to be assured to the nation by very different precautions from any which now are provided4 ,whom do the parish registers belong to8 ,what guarantee have we that ,x or ,y or ,z may not sell 8his0 registers to the highest bidder8 ,in point of fact1 parish registers have been bought and sold again and again4 ,who are the owners of such a splendid collection of historic ,,mss4 as is to be found in the archives of ,st4 ,lawrence's ,church1 ,reading8 ,what is to prevent the churchwardens from selling them to a 8collector0 and appropriating the proceeds towards the expense of a new organ8 ,where are the records of ,barchester now that the ,venerable ,archdeacon ,grantley has ceased to edify us with his eloquent charges8 ,in how many instances is there to be found anything remotely resembling a catalogue of such archidiaconal records8 ,how many living men have ever consulted such as there are or would know where to look for them8 ,let me not be misunderstood4 ,i have received so much kindness1 hospitality1 and cordial assistance at the hands of so many who have laid open their muniments to my inspection1 ,i have found and made among these gentlemen such warm friends that ,i can only think of them and speak of them with gratitude and esteem4 ,but who knows better than the most learned and most entirely loyal among the custodians of our ecclesiastical and parochial muniments that the state of things as they are is not the state of things that ought to be8 ,and yet there can surely be no insuperable difficulty in grouping together our ecclesiastical1 testamentary1 and parochial muniments1 forming them into one homogeneous collection1 and bringing them together into a single provincial record office1 taking the geographical limits of the diocese as the area within which the several aggregates of ancient documents shall be deposited4 ,few men can pay a visit to any of our cathedrals1 especially those within whose precincts there are still to be found any considerable remains of the old conventual buildings1 without being struck by what seems to be the waste of room in the church itself and its outlying dependencies4 ,not to speak of the side chapels1 which some would have a sentimental objection to utilizing--though ,i know instances where they are mere store places for workmen's tools and lumber--consider the immense areas at our disposal in many a transept1 triforium1 or chapter house4 ,consider how comparatively small a chamber suffices1 for the most part1 to contain all the existing records of a cathedral chapter or of the bishop of a see4 ,consider how all the parochial registers even of a large diocese from #aech to #ahjj could easily stand upon a dozen shelves of ten feet long1 and all the wills of two or three counties from the earliest times to the beginning of this century could be accommodated without difficulty in many a drawing-room4 ,consider all these things and more that ,i forbear from dwelling on1 and it will be abundantly clear that the difficulty of providing accommodation for one group of historic ,,mss4 at any rate will be found insignificant if we set ourselves seriously to deal with it4 ,within the precincts of our cathedrals there is ample space and verge enough for any such requirements as this group of records may be supposed to make upon us4 ,but assuming that such an assemblage1 such a grouping1 of historic ,,mss4 were determined on1 and that the housing of it were found to be easy and practicable1 would it not be necessary that a duly qualified custodian should be appointed to take the oversight of the collection and to act as the provincial or diocesan keeper of the records8 ,of course it would2 and this is exactly what is very urgently needed4 ,i am told that a letter from ,mr4 ,charles ,mason1 which appeared in ,the ,times not so very long ago1 and which gave an account of his experience in trying to institute a search among the diocesan records of ,llandaff1 8produced quite a sensation in some quarters40 ,i think it must be among those who have had very little experience indeed of similar adventures4 ,the truth is that it is the exception rather than the rule to find among the present responsible keepers of parochial testamentary or episcopal records a gentleman who even professes to be able to decipher the more ancient and precious ,,mss4 which he has under his charge4 ,the registrar of a diocese1 of an archdeaconry1 or of a prerogative court1 the parson of a parish1 or the churchwarden1 each and all have something else to do than spend the precious hours upon poring over their muniments4 ,such men as ,dr4 ,bensley of ,norwich are few and far between4 ,gentlemen whose duties involve many hours a day of arduous and exhausting labour can only devote their leisure moments to research1 and when they do so they are in danger of getting something less than thanks as their reward4 ,the chivalrous and splendid enthusiasm of the late ,mr4 ,wickenden at ,lincoln1 of ,dr4 ,sheppard at ,canterbury1 of ,canon ,raine at ,york1 has laid us under profound obligation1 but in each and all of these instances the labour of long years has been a labour of love1 and the very permission to engage and continue in it has been conceded as a privilege conferred upon the toiler4 ,or again1 when the fascination which 8musty parchments0 exercise over some minds has irresistibly impelled such generous students as ,archdeacon ,chapman of ,ely1 the late ,canon ,swainson of ,chichester1 or ,mr4 ,symonds of ,norwich1 to make sacrifices of time and money in the preservation or deciphering or calendaring the precious documents to which their position as members of the chapter gave them free access1 they have found some portion of their recompense in the wonder and astonishment of the ,philistines that any human being could undertake and carry on so much without being paid for it4 ,a registrar is a functionary whose duty it is to keep a register of what is going on from day to day4 ,i suspect it is very seldom part of his duty to find out what people were doing or recording long before he was born4 ,at any rate it is no part of his duty to find that out for you1 or to teach you where and how to look for what you want to discover4 ,so with the parson of a parish4 ,for the most part he is possessed by a conviction that if he loses his registers something dreadful will happen to him2 and accordingly when he goes away for a holiday he leaves his cook in charge1 with a solemn warning that she is to let no one see 8the books0 except in her presence and under her eye2 and a very awful eye it sometimes is4 ,but who of us has not been kindly and frankly told by a genial brother that if we want such or such an entry copied we must come and copy it ourselves1 for that our good-natured correspondent cannot make out the old writing8 ,as to the churchwardens1 assuming that they are to be looked upon as responsible for the custody of the parochial evidences1 to talk of them as keepers of ancient ,,mss4 is a little too ridiculous4 ,it is true that there are in my vestry two dilapidated parish chests1 which once presumably were full of wills and deeds and conveyances and evidences1 which if they were now forthcoming1 might considerably disturb the equanimity of some personages here and there2 but those old chests are used as coal-bins now1 and have been so used from times to which the memory of man doth not extend4 ,i could tell some odd stories of my experience as a dryasdust in days when ,i employed my leisure hours in peeping into the dens and caves of the earth4 ,assuredly if we resolve upon collecting together any group of historic ,,mss4 and making them available for students engaged in original research1 it will be necessary to put them under the custody of a trained archiviste1 as the ,french call such a functionary1 and give him a recognized position as provincial keeper of the records4 ,such an official1 with one or two subordinates under him1 should be required to give their time exclusively to the work marked out for them4 ,let that work be organized in the same way and on the same lines as those laid down in the great ,london tabularium4 ,let there be the same system adopted of arranging1 indexing1 and calendaring4 ,let there be issued periodically reports addressed to the central authorities1 let the archives be open to students and inquirers without fee or any payment4 ,if any one wishes to have a document transcribed or a search made which1 if he knew how to set about it1 he might carry on himself1 let him pay for his 8office copy0 or his search at a reasonable charge4 ,as for the details of such an arrangement let them settle themselves1 as they surely will2 in the meantime let us trust to the golden principle 8,solvitur ambulando40 ,can it be doubted that into such provincial depositories there would flow1 in the natural course of things1 a stream of contributions from the possessors of documents illustrative of county and provincial history1 for which their owners have no room in their houses1 which they know not how to make use of and are half inclined to burn8 ,nay1 it will probably come to pass that collections of great historic importance will be committed for safe custody to such provincial archives on the understanding that they shall in due time be examined1 arranged1 and reported on1 and thus the work now carried on by the ,historic ,manuscripts ,commission will be continued in a much more exhaustive way than is now attempted by the ,commissioners1 who necessarily spend much of their time and much of the public money in itinerating1 and whose work can only be by-work and subordinated to their daily duties and the regular business of their lives4 ,i have known two instances of cartloads of ,,mss4 of great antiquity1 and comprehending almost certainly large numbers of charters1 letters1 rolls1 and the like of estimable value and interest1 deliberately destroyed1 and in one of these instances destroyed with some difficulty and at some expense1 only because they were 8in the way40 ,what ,i know1 others doubtless may find parallels for4 ,would such a catastrophe have happened if there had been any recognized depository for records of this kind1 which1 by the very fact of their being guarded with care and intelligence and treated with respect1 men had learnt to look upon as having an intrinsic value8 99 99 99 99 99 ,it will be noticed that in the foregoing pages ,i have said very little about any objections that may be urged or difficulties that may be suggested in carrying out a measure of this character4 ,no6 ,i must leave that delightful duty to others4 ,i offer a suggestion4 ,the draughting of a scheme must come by-and-by4 ,as to difficulties1 sentimental1 professional1 or financial1 we are sure to hear of them4 ,was there ever a proposal for any sort of reform that had not to run the gauntlet of those clamorous people who love nothing better1 and are good for nothing better1 than bawling out1 8,there's a lion in the way608 ,there is no need to suggest difficulties to these people2 to do so would be only to intrude into their domain4 ,but this ,i am more and more convinced of1 namely1 that there are no difficulties in carrying out such a suggestion as is here brought forward which will not disappear if they are faced with a desire to overcome them1 and ,i am even more convinced that a feeling is growing up in our midst against allowing the present condition of affairs to continue4 ,it is quite sufficiently scandalous that we have submitted to it so long4 ,,vi4 ,,snowed ,,up ,,in ,,arcady4 ,no truer saying was ever uttered than that 8one half the world does not know how the other half lives40 ,and yet ,i am continually contradicted by wiseacres of the streets and squares when ,i meekly but firmly maintain that it is actually possible to live a happy1 intelligent1 useful1 and progressive life in an out-of-the-way country parish--8far from the madding crowd0--and literally 7as ,i happen to know at this moment7 three miles from a lemon4 8,don't tell me60 says one of my agnostic friends who knows everything1 as agnostics always do1 and who is absolutely certain1 as agnostics always are1 that they know all about you--8don't tell me6 ,you may make the best of it as you do1 and you put a good face upon it1 which ,i dare say is all right2 but to try and make me believe you like being buried alive is more than you can do4 ,stuff1 man6 ,you might as well try and persuade me you like being snowed up60 ,now it so happened that1 a few days after my bouncing and aggressive friend had delivered himself of this delicate little protest against any and every assertion ,i might venture to make in the conversation which had arisen between us1 ,i was awaked at the usual hour of #g a4m4 by ,jemima knocking at the door2 and when ,mr4 ,bob had growled his usual growl1 and ,i had declared myself to be awake in a surly monosyllable1 ,jemima cried aloud1 saying1 8,it's awful snow1 sir--drifts emendjous60 ,i drew the curtains open1 pulled up the blinds1 and lo6 there was snow indeed4 ,not on the trees--that was well1 at any rate--but all the air was full of snow4 ,not coming down from the clouds1 but driving across the fields in billows of white dust--piling itself up against every obstacle--pollard1 stump or gatepost1 hedgerow1 or wall1 or farmstead--rolling1 eddying1 scudding along before the cruel north-easter1 that was lashing the earth with his freezing scourge of bitterness4 ,at about the distance of a pistol-shot from my window the high road runs straight as a ruler between low banks and thin hedges1 and we can see it for half a mile or so till some rising ground blocks the view4 ,this morning there was no road6--only a long broad stripe of snow that seemed a trifle higher than the ploughed lands that lay to the northward1 and which were almost swept bare by the gale4 ,to the southward there were huge drifts packed up against every little copse or plantation1 and far as the eye could see not a human creature or sheep or head of cattle to lessen the impression of utter desolation4 ,by the time we got down to breakfast the wind had lulled1 and fresh snow was falling4 ,that was1 at any rate1 an improvement upon the accursed north-easter4 ,but it was plain that there were to be no ante-jentacular or post-prandial peregrinations1 as ,jeremy ,bentham used to phrase it1 for us this day4 8,my dear10 ,i said1 8,i'm afraid we are really snowed up60 ,now1 what do you suppose was the reply ,i received from her ,royal ,highness the ,lady ,shepherd8 ,neither more nor less than this--8,what a jolly day we will have6 ,we needn't go out1 need we80 ,nathan1 the wise youth--agnostic1 as he calls himself1 which is only ,greek for ignoramus--would have sneered at the ,lady ,shepherd's chuckle1 and she--she would have chuckled at his sneer4 ,but as he was not there we only laughed1 and somewhat gleefully set ourselves to map out the next fifteen hours with plans of operation that would have required at least fifty hours to execute4 8,the only thing that can be said for your pitiful life10 said ,nathan to us once1 8is that you have no interruptions4 ,but there is not much in that1 where there's nothing to interrupt40 ,nathan1 the wise youth1 is a type of his class4 ,he's so delicate in his little innuendos1 so sympathetically candid1 so tender to 8the things you call your feelings1 you know40 ,do these people always wear hob-nailed boots1 prepared at any moment for a wrestling match1 where kicking is part of the game8 8,no interruptions60 ,oh1 ,lady ,shepherd1 think of that6 8,no interruptions60 ,you observe that our day begins at eight4 ,when we came first to ,arcady we said we would breakfast at half-past eight4 ,we tried the plan for a month4 ,it was a dead failure4 ,jemima never kept true to the minutes4 ,we found ourselves slipping into nine o'clock2 that meant ruin4 ,it must either be eight o'clock1 or the financial bottom of the establishment would inevitably drop out4 ,so eight o'clock it is and shall be4 ,at eight o'clock1 accordingly1 on this particular morning we went down as usual to the library--and1 ,i am bound to say1 we were just a little depressed1 because we had made up our minds that no postman in ,england could bring us our bag this morning4 ,to our immense surprise and joy1 there were the letters and papers lying on the table as if it were ,midsummer ,day4 ,the man had left the road1 tramped along the fields which the howling wind had made passable4 ,there were nine letters4 ,when ,i see what these country postmen go through1 the pluck and endurance they exhibit1 the downright suffering 7i4e41 it would be to you and me7 which they take all as a part of the day's work1 and how they go on at it1 and retire at last1 after years of stubborn jog-trotting1 to enjoy a pension of ten shillings a week and the repose of acute rheumatism consequent upon sudden cessation from physical exertion1 ,i find myself frequently exclaiming with the poet1-- ' 4 ,many the wonderful things that be1 but the wonder of wonders is--,man6 ,now it will be a surprise1 perhaps a very great surprise1 to some of my genuine town friends1 to learn that even a country parson--who after all is a man and a brother--gets pretty much the same sort of letters that other people do4 ,he gets offers to assign to him shares in gold mines2 offers of three dozen and four1 positively all that is left1 of that transcendental sherry2 offers to make him a life governor of the new college for criminals2 invitations to be a steward at a public dinner of the ,society for ,diminishing ,felony2 above all1 he gets some very elegant letters from gentlemen in very high positions in society offering to lend him money4 ,i do verily believe these scoundrels1 who invariably write a good hand on crested paper and express themselves in a style which is above all praise1 are in league with one of my banker's clerks4 ,how else does it happen that1 as sure as ever my account is very low and that ,i am in mortal terror lest my last cheque should be returned dishonoured1 so sure am ,i to hear from one of these diabolical tempters8 ,there's one scarlet ,mephistopheles who must know all about my financial position4 ,how else could he have thought of sending me two of his gilt-edged seductions in a single week just when my banking account was overdrawn8 ,it is absurd to pretend that he keeps a medium4 ,moreover1 proof sheets come by post even in this wilderness1 and they have to be corrected1 too2 and real letters that are not begging letters come1 some kind and comforting1 some stern and uncompromising1 some with the oddest inquiries and criticisms4 ,sometimes1 too1 anonymous letters come4 ,what a queer state of mind a man must have got himself into before he can sit down to write an anonymous letter6 ,does any man in his senses ever read an anonymous letter of four pages8 ,if he does1 the writer gets no fun out of it4 ,i am inclined to think that the practice of writing anonymous letters is dying out now that the schoolmaster is abroad2 and yet1 they tell me1 insanity is not decreasing4 ,then1 too1 there are the newspapers4 ,i could live without butter--,i shouldn't like it1 but ,i could submit to it2 or without eggs1 though ,i dislike snow pancakes2 or without sugar--and there are some solids and some liquids that are insipid without that2 but there is one thing ,i could not do without--,i could not do without the ,times4 ,we have tried again and again to economize by having a penny paper1 but it has always ended in the same way4 ,as entremets they are all delightful1 but for a square meal give me the ,times4 ,without it 8the appetite is distracted by the variety of objects1 and tantalized by the restlessness of perpetual solicitation10 till1 when the day is done1 the mind wearies under 8a feeling of satiety without satisfaction1 and of repletion without sustenance40 ,on this particular morning we had adjourned from the library to the breakfast-room1 and were opening our letters in high spirits1 spite#f of ,nathan the wise1 and notwithstanding the bitter wind and the snow1 when a hideous sound startled us4 ,there1 under the window1 the snow steadily falling1 drawn up in single file1 were four human creatures1 two males and two females1 arrayed in outlandish attire1 and every one of them playing hideously out of tune4 ,it was a ,german band6 ,a more lugubrious spectacle than is presented by a ,german band1 droning forth 8,herz1 mein ,herz0 in front of your window in a snowstorm it would be difficult to imagine4 ,we suffer much from ,german bands1 but we have only ourselves to thank4 ,i love music1 and ,i am possessed by the delusion that it is my duty to encourage the practice of instrumental execution4 ,five or six years ago there was a band of eight or nine performers who perambulated ,norfolk1 and they came to me at least once a month4 ,whenever they appeared ,i went out to them and gave them a shilling1 airing my small modicum of ,german periodically1 and receiving flattering compliments upon my pronunciation1 which gratified me exceedingly4 ,these people disappeared at last1 but they were succeeded by another band1 and a very inferior one1 and ,i took but little notice of them4 ,there were seven of these performers1 a cornet and two clarionets being prominent--very4 ,however1 they got their shilling1 and vanished4 ,three days after their departure came another band3 this time there were only four4 ,i thought that rather shabby1 but ,i was busy1 did not take much notice of them1 and again gave them a shilling4 ,the cornet player was really quite respectable4 ,next day came four more1 and there was no cornet1 only the abominable clarionet4 ,it was insufferable4 ,i said ,i really must restrict myself to sixpence1 and that was fourpence more than they were worth4 ,two days after their departure came a single solitary performer2 he had a pan-pipe fastened under his chin1 a peal of bells on his head1 which he caused to tinkle by his nods1 a pair of cymbals attached to his elbows1 a big drum which he beat by the help of a crank that he worked with one of his feet1 and a powerful concertina which he played with his hands4 ,he led off with a dolorous chorale in a minor key4 ,it was really more than flesh and blood could bear4 8,send him away1 ,jemima4 ,send him away6--instantly6 ,tell him ,i am sehr krank4 ,send him away60 ,the fellow smiled with unctuous complacency4 ,but when he got only twopence1 his face fell4 8,ach1 nein6 ,you plaize1 ze professor1 he geeve one sheeling to ze band--,i am ze band4 ,he geeve ze band only twopence4 ,he do not understand ,i am ze band6 ,you plaise tell him ,i am ze band60 8,no6 ,you're to go away4 ,master's sore and kranky60 ,ze band loitered for half a minute2 then it took itself to pieces and went its way4 ,but the fellow's hint about the shilling was significant1 and led to an investigation4 ,then it turned out that the band of seven or eight which was going its rounds that year1 split itself up when it came into my neighbourhood1 and1 in view of my shilling1 presented itself in two detachments1 each of which reckoned on my shilling1 and several times carried it off4 ,now ,i give one penny for each performer1 and only when there is a cornet do ,i send out coffee to the instrumentalists4 ,it was1 however1 not in flesh and blood to withhold the shilling from the players of that quartette on that bitter morning4 ,it was heart-rending to think of their having at the peril of their lives staggered through three miles of snowdrifts4 ,it was inhuman to send them away without coffee4 ,and they had it accordingly4 ,poor things6 poor things6 ,where were they going8 ,they were going back to the 8,red ,lion10 a stone's throw off1 where they had slept the night before1 and where they meant to spend this night in delighting the hearts of the rustics by waltzes and polkas1 and gathering not such a bad harvest for the nonce4 8,lor1 sir60 said ,mr4 ,style1 8to hear that there trombone a soleing #8,rule ,britannia'6 ,that made you feel he was a real musician--that it did60 ,so you see we began the day with a band of music4 ,that does not sound so bad4 ,but the band being dismissed1 we finish our breakfast and retire to the library4 ,we do not go empty-handed4 ,each of us carries a plate piled up high with bread cut up for the birds that are waiting to be fed4 ,a space under the window is swept clear from snow1 and there the birds are1 ready for their breakfast4 ,sparrows by the score1 robins that will hardly wait till the window is opened1 chaffinches and tomtits1 dunnocks1 blackbirds and thrushes1 linnets and--jackdaws1 yes6 and1 watching very warily for a chance1 a dozen or so of rooks in the trees in yonder plantation1 very much excited1 very restless1 very shy1 but ready to come down and gobble up the morsels if we keep ourselves out of sight4 ,as to the robins1 there is no mauvaise honte about them2 they will almost fly on to the plate4 ,sometimes ,i send a shower of morsels quite over the robins1 and they greatly enjoy the fun4 ,one saucy little fellow last week laughed out loud at me4 8,laughed80 ,yes1 laughed6 ,i've known a robin laugh convulsively4 ,but then it was not under a street lamp4 ,it is one of the laws of this palace that we do not begin real work before half-past nine4 ,and before that time arrives there is usually a good half-hour for reading aloud by the ,lady ,shepherd4 ,what is the ,shepherd doing meanwhile8 ,he is not going to tell you anything more than this1 that he is devoting himself during that half-hour to preventing the ravages of moths and bookworms4 ,you people who suppose we poor country folk must be horribly dull and depressed may as well understand that this library in which ,i am sitting is an apartment that for a country parsonage may be regarded as palatial4 ,pray haven't ,i a right to have one good room in my house8 ,one thing ,i know1 and that is that ,i am rated as if ,i lived in a house of #dcj a year1 and if ,i must pay rates on that amount ,i may as well have something to show for it4 ,also ,i would have you to know that the walls of this library are lined with books from floor to ceiling4 ,then there are flowers all about--grown on the premises1 mind you--none of your bought blossoms stuck on to a bit of stick with a bit of wire1 but live flowers that turn and look at you--at any rate1 they certainly do turn and look out at the window if you give them a chance4 ,moreover1 they are not under the dominion of a morose stipendiary1 for the sufficient reason that the head gardener is the ,lady ,shepherd1 and the under gardener only comes three times a week1 and ,jabez has his hands full1 and ,ishmael is no servant of ours1 but the servant of the maids in the kitchen2 and when you're snowed up ,ishmael must give his life to the solemn duties of a stoker and filler of coal-scuttles1 and to shovelling away the snow1 and to running errands4 ,there is no doubt about the seriousness of that boy4 ,he is oppressed by the sense of his responsibility1 and convinced that he occupies the position of the divine being in ,plato's ,thetetus4 ,as long as kept his hand upon the world it went round all right2 when he took it off1 the world straightway spun round the wrong way4 ,that being ,ishmael's view1 he is naturally grave4 ,when the maids shriek at him he exhibits a terror-stricken alacrity1 but when ,i tell him to do this or that1 he looks at me with a cunning expression as if he would say1 8,do you really mean that8 ,well1 you must take the consequences40 ,then he glides off4 ,from ,ishmael not much is to be expected in the greenhouse4 ,but when half-past nine strikes ,i roll my table into position and set to work1 my head gardener puts on her apron and gathers up her skirts1 and starts forth with her basket on her arm1 equipped for her day's work4 ,now1 if a man has four good hours in the morning which he may call his own1 it's a great deal more than most men have1 and there's no saying what may be done in such hours as these4 ,but if you allow morning callers to disturb you1 then it's--,i was going to say a bad word6 ,i had just settled myself to work in earnest when ,jemima's head appeared4 8,please1 sir1 ,tinker ,george wants to see you40 8,tell your mistress40 ,and ,i thought no more about it1 but went on with what ,i was doing4 ,if ,tinker ,george had been one of my parishioners ,i should have jumped up and heard him patiently1 but ,tinker ,george does not belong to me1 but to the next parish1 and as his usual object in coming to see me is to show me his poetry1 ,i passed him on this time1 knowing very certainly that he would not be the worse for my not seeing him4 ,an hour later ,i got up to warm myself4 8,may ,i speak80 said the ,lady ,shepherd4 8,i let ,tinker ,george go away1 but ,i'm afraid you'll be sorry ,i did4 ,i think you would have liked to see him40 8,what's the matter80 8,he's been writing to the dear ,queen0 7the ,lady ,shepherd always speaks of 8the dear ,queen07 8and he came to show you the letter1 and to ask what address he should put on it40 ,tinker--,george--writing to--the--,queen6 ,what did the man want8 ,he wanted to be allowed to keep a dog without paying tax for it4 ,george goes about with a wheel1 and he calls for broken pots and pans4 ,sometimes he finds the boys extremely annoying1 they will persist in turning his wheel when his back is turned and he has gone into a house for orders4 ,now1 you see1 if he had a dog of spirit and ferocity chained to his wheel1 ,george might leave that wheel in charge of that dog2 but then a dog is an expensive luxury when there is the initial outlay of seven shillings and sixpence for the tax4 ,so he wrote to the ,queen1 and he put it into the post1 and ,i never saw it4 ,this was just one of those things which cause a man lifelong regret1 all the more poignant because so vain4 ,the ,lady ,shepherd is the most passionately loyal person in ,england1 and she firmly believes that there will come a holograph reply from her ,majesty in the course of a few days addressed to ,tinker ,george1 promptly and graciously granting him his very reasonable request4 8,i've promised ,tinker ,george10 she added1 8to give him a sovereign for the letter when it comes1 and it shall have a box all to itself among my autographs40 ,be pleased to observe that it was only just noon1 and two events of some interest had happened already1 though we were snowed up4 ,but at this point ,i must needs inform you who we are4 ,in the first place there are the ,shepherd and the ,lady ,shepherd2 in the second place there are the ,shepherd's dogs4 ,no shepherd can live without dogs--it would not be safe4 ,no man ever pulled another man out of the snow3 it is perfectly well known that men don't know how to do it4 ,till lately we had three of these protectors4 ,but--eheu fugaces6--we have only two now2 one a blue ,skye1 silky1 surly1 and exceptionally stubborn2 and a big colley1 to whom his master is the ,almighty and the ,all-wise4 ,i do not wish to claim more for my friends than is due to them4 ,ours are only average dogs2 but they are average dogs4 ,and if any one will have the hardihood to assert that he holds the average man to be equal to the average dog in morals1 manners1 and intelligence1 ,i will not condescend to argue with that purblind personage4 ,i will only say that he knows no more about dogs than ,i do about moles1 and ,i never kept a tame mole4 ,nothing perplexes some of my friends more than to hear that ,i do not belong to a single ,london club4 ,not belong to a club8 ,one man was struck dumb at the intelligence2 he looked at me gravely--suspicion in every wrinkle of his face1 perplexity in the very buttons of his waistcoat4 ,he was working out the problem mentally4 ,i saw into his brain4 ,i almost heard him say to himself1 8,not belong to a club8 ,holloa6 ,ever been had up for larceny8 ,been a bankrupt8 ,wonder why they all blackballed him8--give it up60 ,he evidently wanted to ask what it meant--there must be something wrong which he did not like to pry into3 a skeleton in the cupboard1 in fact4 8,i said a ,london club60 ,i added1 to relieve his embarrassment4 8,of course ,i do belong to a club here--the ,arcadian ,club4 ,it's a very select club1 too1 and we can introduce strangers1 which is an advantage1 as you may perhaps yourself have felt if you have ever been kept for ten minutes stamping on the door-mat of the ,athenum with the porter watching you while that arch boy was sauntering about1 pretending to carry your card to your friend upstairs4 ,we are rational beings in our club1 and ,i'll introduce you at once--,colonel ,culpepper1 ,toby6 ,colonel ,culpepper1 ,mr4 ,bob40 ,neither ,toby nor ,mr4 ,bob took the least notice of the gallant colonel1 who seemed rather shy himself4 8,they're dangerous dogs are colleys1 so ,i'm told4 ,in ,london it does not so much matter1 because1 you see1 they must go about with a muzzle4 ,and this is really all the club you belong to80 ,yes4 ,this and no other2 the peculiarities of our club being that false witness1 lying1 and slandering were never so much as known among the members4 ,there is a house dinner every day1 music every evening1 no sneering1 no spite1 no gossip1 no entrance fee1 no annual subscription1 no blackballing1 no gambling1 no betting1 and no dry champagne or dry anything4 ,show me a club like that1 my dear colonel1 and ,i'll join it to-morrow1 whether in ,pall ,mall or in the planet ,jupiter4 ,at the present moment ,i know of only one such club1 and it is here--the ,arcadian ,club6 ,enjoy its privileges while you may1 and be grateful4 ,seriously1 ,i defy any club in ,england or anywhere else to produce me fifty per cent4 of its members so entirely courteous1 cordial1 and clubbable--so graceful1 intelligent1 and generous--such thorough gentlemen1 and so entirely guiltless of talking nonsense1 as our friends ,toby and ,mr4 ,bob4 ,of course there are the infirmities which all flesh is heir to1 and jealousy is one of these4 ,but put the case that you should say to a little man1 8,you may sleep inside that door on a cushion by the fire10 and say to a big man1 8,you're to sleep outside that same door on the mat60 and put the case that each of those men knew he was a member of the same club to which the fire1 the cushion1 and the mat belonged3--and pray what modus vivendi could be found between the big man and the little man on this side the grave8 ,but to return4 ,the snow had ceased falling1 but in the bleak distance as far as the eye could see1 the road was blocked by ugly-looking drifts1 in which a man on horseback might very easily be buried and flounder hopelessly till he sank exhausted never to rise again4 ,there was nothing stirring except the birds1 looking fluffy1 cold1 and starving4 ,so ,i turned my chair to my table again and resumed my task4 ,hark6 ,actually a ring at the front-door bell4 ,the dogs growled and sniffed1 but there was no fierce barking4 ,confound these tramps6 ,that trombone has gone back to the 8,red ,lion10 and the rogues are oozing out to practise upon our weakness4 8,that's not a tramp10 said the ,lady ,shepherd4 8,toby didn't bark40 ,she was right1 as she always is4 ,for ,toby has quite an unerring discernment of the proximity of a tramp4 ,his gift in this line is inexplicable4 ,how the great ,darwin would have delighted to observe that dog6 ,if it was not a tramp1 who could it be8 8,i believe it's ,polus60 said the ,lady ,shepherd4 8,only ,polus could have the ferocity to come here in defiance of the snowdrifts40 ,right again4 ,it was ,polus4 ,she had given him the name because he was eager to get into the ,county ,council4--,poor man6 ,he only got three votes4--,there was no reference to the young gentleman in the ,gorgias who bore that name--only a desire to indicate that he was the man who went to the ,poll4 ,it was hardly more than noon2 we were snowed up1 and yet already we had had music2 poetry as represented by ,tinker ,george2 a flood of literature2 and now there was discussion imminent on the profoundest questions of politics1 philosophy1 and law4 ,enter ,polus6 ,what in the world had brought him hither this dreadful day8 ,what had he been doing8 whither was he going8 ,should we put him to bed8 ,to send for a doctor was out of the question4 ,but we could soon get him a mustard poultice and a hot bath4 ,polus laughed the hearty laugh of rude health and youth4 8,you1 dear old people1 you forget ,i'm only thirty-five4 ,i've had a pleasant walk from ,tegea--greased my boots well--only rolled over twice4 ,i've come for a talk4 ,dear me6 dear me6 ,didn't ,i see a moth there on the curtains8 ,curious that they should come out in such numbers when you're snowed up6 ,may ,i help you to get rid of the pests80 ,the man had come to show his defiance of the laws of nature and ordinary prudence4 ,in fact1 he had come for mere cussedness6 ,also he had come for a conference4 ,what was the subject to be this time8 8,anything but the education question10 said ,i2 8we must draw the line somewhere4 ,woman's rights1 ,man's wrongs4 ,agricultural depression4 ,the ,people's ,palace4 ,the ,feudal ,system4 ,the ,bacon-,shakespeare--anything you please in reason--but ,education6 ,no6 ,not for worlds40 ,it was not long before the cat jumped out of the bag4 ,polus was bent on floating a most magnificent new ,international ,league4 ,his ideas were a trifle mixed1 but so are those of many men in our times4 ,polus makes the mistake of bottling his grand schemes and laying them down1 as it were1 when they ought to be kept on draught4 ,the result is that there's always a superabundance of froth--or shall we call it foam8--that we have to plunge into before we can taste of that pleasant draught2 and when you have drunk about half your fill1 there's a wholly unnecessary and somewhat disagreeable sediment at the bottom1 which interferes with your enjoyment4 ,thus the new ,league was to be so comprehensive a ,league1 for effecting so many desirable objects1 that it was difficult to discover what the main object was--or1 in fact1 if the main object did not resolve itself into an assemblage of objects1 each of which was struggling with the rest for prominence and supremacy4 ,on this occasion ,polus had the effrontery to begin by assuring me that ,i was in honour and conscience bound to join the ,league1 for the idea of it had been first suggested to him by a pregnant and suggestive saying of mine some months before4 8,what6 when you were so hot for the abolition of the punishment by death80 ,oh dear no4 ,he'd changed his mind about that long ago4 8,was it when you were advocating the desirability of the labourers having the cows and the landlords keeping the land80 8,no1 no6 ,i've improved greatly upon that4 ,haven't you heard8 ,i'm for letting the landlord keep the cows1 but giving the labourers the calves only2 that appears to me the equitable adjustment of a complex question40 ,i thought a little1 and ,polus gave me time4 ,what was it8 ,what could it have been that we had been talking about8 ,enfantin's hullucinations and the dual priesthood 7couple-prtre78 ,fourrier's ,phalanstery8 ,it must have been an obiter dictum which dropped from me as he laid down the law about ,proudhon4 ,i shook my head4 8,don't you remember8 ,entails60 ,then it appeared that the great ,league was to be started for the abolition of everything in the shape of entails4 ,in our last conference ,i had let fall the remark that for every acre of land tied up in strict entail there was a thousand pounds sterling tied up in much stricter entail4 ,if you are going to deal with the one1 why not with the other8 ,polus was putting on his hat when ,i gave him that parting dig1 and ,i thought ,i had silenced him for ever4 ,so far from it1 ,i had but sown a new seed in his soul1 and now he came to show me the baby4 ,polus meanwhile had plunged into the heaving billows of statistics4 ,he had discovered1 to his own satisfaction1 that #ejj millions of the ,national ,debt was strictly entailed2 that #bag millions belonged prospectively to babes unborn2 that the ,british people were paying 8enormous taxes1 sir60 not only for the sins and extravagances of their forefathers1 but for enriching of their hypothetical progeny4 ,that it was a state of things altogether outrageous1 irrational1 monstrous1 and a great many other epithets4 ,would ,i join the ,league8 ,of course ,i'd join a league for the extinction of nasal catarrh or the annihilation of stupidity--gladly1 but upon conditions4 ,i must first know how the thing is to be effected4 ,your object may be heroic1 but the means for carrying out this glorious reform8 the machinery1 my dear ,polus8 ,let me hear more about that4 ,a new voyage en ,icarie implies that you are going to embark upon some safe vessel4 ,by the way1 how did ,cabet get to his enchanting island8 ,hereupon ensued an elaborate monologue1 admirably expressed1 closely reasoned1 carrying not so much conviction as demonstration along with it4 ,granting the premises1 the conclusion was inevitable4 ,it was as good as ,bishop ,blougram4 ,the scheme was this3 ,property--even in the funds--is a fact4 ,there is no denying that4 ,therefore face the facts first1 and deal with them as such4 ,timid reformers go only halfway towards building up the ideal social fabric4 ,they say meekly1 nationalize the land4 ,the true reformer says1 abolish all permanent financial obligations4 ,but hardships would ensue upon any sudden and violent extinction of private debts4 ,prudence suggests that you should begin by a gradual extinction of public debts--in other words1 the ,national ,debt4 ,the living holders of stock shall be fairly dealt with1 and during their lifetime they shall enjoy their abominable dividends wrenched from the pockets of the people4 ,as they drop off--and the sooner they go the better--their several claims upon the tax-payer shall perish with them4 ,none shall succeed to their privileges of robbing the teeming millions4 ,all stock standing in the name of trustees shall be transferred to the names of the present beneficiaries1 and shall be extinguished by the death of the several holders4 ,all powers of bequest in regard of such stock shall be taken away4 ,in the case of infants--and there are #adg1fbc of such cases--who are only prospective owners of stock--being only prospective owners1 and therefore having never actually tasted the joys of unrighteous possession--they shall continue to be prospective owners1 and never be allowed to become anything else4 ,they will have nothing to complain of2 you take from them nothing that they ever had4 ,all that will happen to them will be that they will be saved from cherishing delusive hopes1 such as should never have been aroused in them4 ,the scales will drop from their eyes2 they will no longer be the victims of treacherous phantasms4 ,the sooner they learn their glorious lesson the better4 ,they will speedily rise to a true conception of the dignity of citizenship1 and grow to the stature of a loftier humanity1 whose destiny who shall foreshadow8 8,now1 my dear ,doctor10 said ,polus1 pausing for a moment in his harangue1 8,i ask you as a ,christian and a philosopher1 is not ours a magnificent ,league1 and is not the vision that opens before us sublime80 8,place aux dames6 ,place aux dames60 ,i answered4 8,ask the ,lady ,shepherd4 ,let her speak40 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is a curious physiological fact that ,i have been puzzled by for several years past1 and which ,i am only half able to explain or account for1 that flashing eyes have almost disappeared from off the face of the earth4 ,you may see many sorts of eyes--eyes of various shades of colour and various shapes--eyes that glitter1 that gleam1 that sparkle1 that shine1 that stare1 that blink2 even eyes that are guilty of the vulgarity of winking2 but eyes that flash with the fire and flame of wrath1 and scorn1 and scorching indignation--such as once or twice ,i have cowered and trembled under when ,i was young--such eyes have passed away2 the passion in them has been absorbed in something1 it may be better or it may be worse--absorbed in utter tenderness4 ,the last time ,i saw eyes flash was when a certain college don came to pay his respects to a certain little lady--she was a little lady then--a week after she was married4 ,the old blunderer boasted that he had been on ,lord ,powis's committee on a certain memorable occasion4 8,ah1 my dear madam1 you are too young to know anything about that1 and your husband of course was an undergraduate4 ,but----0 ,the man almost jumped from his chair2 he turned pale as an oyster4 ,the little lady sprang up a pillar of flame4 8,do you mean1 sir1 that you voted against the ,prince ,consort8 ,you will oblige me by not referring to the subject40 ,i rang the bell again and again2 ,i called for buckets of water--the whole room seemed to be1 the whole house seemed likely to be on fire4 ,ah6 there were real live ,tories 7spelt with a capital ,t7 then4 ,we were blue or yellow1 not a pale green made up by smudging the two together4 ,we didn't stand upon legs that were not a pair4 ,none of your ,conservative ,liberals or ,liberal ,conservatives going about hat in hand and timidly asking1 8,what will you be good enough to wish to have conserved80 ,it was 8,church and ,queen1 sir1 or salt and water4 ,no shilly-shallying40 ,hesitate1 and nothing remained for you but pistols for two in the back yard4 ,argument8 ,nay6 ,we dealt with that as ,uncle ,sammy's second wife did1 and everyone knows that ,she with the heel of assertion ,stampt all his arguments down6 ,if ,i could have looked forward in those days1 what a monster would my future self have appeared6 ,tempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis4 99 99 99 99 99 ,something in the look of the ,lady ,shepherd's1 eyes this snowy morning reminded me of the old terrible flash2 but it all passed1 and only merriment shone out4 8,sublime1 my good ,polus8 ,how can a vision be sublime8 ,a visionary is at best a dreamer1 and a vision is a sham4 ,a sublime sham is a contradiction in terms4 ,why don't you try and talk sense sometimes80 8,you're not a bit better than that chit of a girl with a mop on her head that came gabbling here last week4 ,but it's like you men--you've no more common sense than this trowel6 ,visions indeed6 ,i gladly live amid the real1 ,and ,i seek a worthier ideal4 ,courage1 brothers2 ,god is overhead6 ,ah6 you may laugh4 ,but it's all on my side40 ,away she swept1 basket and trowel and all4 ,stop to listen to that gibberish--not she6 ,when her ,royal ,highness came back to us in these moods she is the ,princess1 in her gentler and more pastoral moods she is the ,lady ,shepherd she found us deep in another part of the discussion4 ,the business of the ,great ,international ,league having extinguished the ,national ,debt by a very simple process1 the next stall in the ,augean stable of existing abomination1 as he expressed it1 must be dealt with4 8,suppose we change the metaphor1 my dear ,polus1 and say the next plank in your platform must be pulled up40 8,pulled up8 ,quite the contrary4 ,fixed1 firmly fixed1 nailed down60 8,be it so6 ,let us look at the plank4 ,a stall in the stable of abominations suggests dirty work1 you know60 ,the next great problem which the ,great ,international ,league sets before itself to solve is this3 the ,national ,debt being annihilated1 how is the accumulation of property to be prevented in the future8 ,i observed that at this point ,polus was not so inclined for the monologue form of discussion as before4 ,it was not the ,socratic speaking ex cathedr1 as in the ,laws2 there was a quite unusual glad-of-a-hint attitude1 as in the ,lysis or the ,meno4 8,come10 ,i said1 8,i see through you2 you haven't thought it out1 and you want me to give you a hint4 ,which is it to be8 ,am ,i to serve as whetstone1 or do you come in trouble and pain crying out for 80 ,he threw up his hands3 8,speak1 and ,i will listen40 ,then said ,i1 8,o ,polus1 you're just the man ,i want4 ,everybody knows ,i am a dull old dog1 slow of thought and slow of speech as a country bumpkin must be2 feeling after my words1 and as often as not choosing the wrong ones4 ,but ,i have been excogitating of late a theory which will supply your next plank to perfection1 and in fact would make your fortune as a politician1 if indeed the ,great ,league will allow you to have any property1 even in your brains4 ,forty years ago--for there were thinkers1 my dear ,polus1 in the waste places of the earth even before you were born--,i came across quite a 8sublime0 scheme of some ,french financier1 propounded1 ,i think1 during the ,great ,revolution1 for which the world was not yet ready4 ,the man was before his age1 and his own generation pooh-poohed him4 ,i quite forget his name4 ,i quite forget the title of his book if he ever wrote one2 and ,i shall be very much obliged to you if you can find out something about the great man1 for a great man he was4 ,when ,i heard of this scheme ,i was little more than a lad1 and now1 after much cogitation1 ,i cannot honestly tell you how much of the plan is his and how much my own4 ,but ,i'll give him all the credit for it40 ,the scheme was a scheme for automatically adjusting all incomes and reducing them to something like equilibrium--that is1 the operation of the process set in motion would tend in that direction4 ,all incomes1 no matter from what sources derived1 were to be fixed according to an algebraic formula1 and the formula was this3 #jjja 7x - m7 ,the income tax levied upon each citizen4 ,here xthe actual income earned by the citizen2 m#a1jjj pounds sterling1 or an equivalent in francs or dollars1 if you prefer it4 ,when xm1 then of course there could be nothing to pay2 which is only another way of saying that a man with #a1jjj a year was free from all taxation4 ,when x was greater than m1 then taxation upon the income in excess of #a1jjj came into operation with rather alarming rapidity3 until when a man was convicted of having in any single year made #aj1jjj his taxation amounted to #h1ajj for that year1 and if he were ever found guilty of having made an income of #ab1jjj the ,state claimed the whole in obedience to this great and beneficent law4 ,but what happens in the case of those who have an income below the #a1jjj a year--that is1 when x is less than m8 ,in this case the grandeur and sagacity1 not to speak of the paternal character of the scheme1 become apparent4 ,the moment a man begins to earn more than the normal #a1jjj a year1 that moment he begins to pay his beautifully adjusted quota of taxation to the ,state2 but the moment that his income falls below the #a1jjj1 that moment the ,state begins to pay him4 ,of course you will not forget that minus into minus gives plus1 therefore the square of the minus quantity represented by x-m1 where m is greater than x1 offers no difficulty4 ,the two poles of this perfect sphere1 if ,i may so speak1 this financial orb--teres atque rotundus--are reached1 first when x#j1 last when x #aa1jjj4 ,in the first case the ,state comes to the help of the pauper who has earned or can earn nothing1 and gives him a ten-thousandth part of a hypothetical million1 which amounts to exactly #ajj a year2 in the other case the ,state deprives the bloated plutocrat of a ten-thousandth part of the same million1 and relieves the dangerous citizen of ten thousand out of the eleven1 saying to him1 8,citizen1 be grateful that you still have your thousand1 and beware how you persist in piling up riches1 for the ,state knows how to gather them40 8,now1 my dear ,polus1 next time you come1 do bring me tidings of my ,frenchman1 and do work the thing out on paper1 for ,i never was much of a mathematician1 and now my decimals are scandalously vague60 ,so ,polus went his way with a dainty rosebud in a dainty paper box for ,mrs4 ,polus1 and a saucy message from the ,lady ,shepherd4 8,tell her1 with my love1 ,i'm very sorry her husband's such a goose60 ,we watched him floundering through the snowdrifts2 and ,i verily believe he was working out my problem with his stick1 #jjja 7x-m74 ,i don't think that man went away much impressed with the darkness and desolation of our ,arcadian life4 ,nay1 ,i'm inclined to think the other side had something to say1 and ,i'm afraid this is what it said3 8,oh yes1 it's all very fine--intellectual intercourse1 and so on4 ,freshens you up8 ,glad to see people8 ,of course ,i am4 ,but ,i did hope we were going to have a long day together1 and there6 it's all broken into4 ,it's always the way4 ,how was ,i to do my autographs with him extinguishing my #a1jjj in the funds all the while80 99 99 99 99 99 ,here ,i may as well explain that the ,shepherd and his lady are the objects of some wonder and perplexity to their great friends on the one hand and their little friends on the other4 ,the first pronounce them to be poor as rats2 the second declare that they are rolling in riches4 ,this conflict of opinion is easily accounted for4 ,when the great and noble ,asnapper comes to smile at us he has to take pot-luck4 ,come when he may1 there is all due provision-- ,ne turpe toral1 ne sordida mappa ,corruget nares1 ne non et cantharus et lanx ,ostendat tibi te4 ,but the forks are all electro-plate1 and the dishes are all of the willow pattern4 ,when meek little ,mr4 ,crumb brings ,mrs4 ,crumb and two of the eight daughters to enjoy one hearty meal at afternoon tea1 he is awe-struck by the sight of the books and the splendour of half a dozen good engravings hanging upon the walls4 ,as the old grey pony trots home in high spirits--for ,jabez has a standing order always to give that poor little beast a double feed of corn--,mr4 ,crumb remarks to ,mrs4 ,crumb1 8,those people must be extremely affluent4 ,i wonder he does not restore his church60 ,the great and noble ,asnapper1 on the contrary1 observes1 8,all the signs of deep poverty1 my dear4 ,keeps his pluck up1 though4 ,quite out of character with the general appearance of the establishment to have those books and collections and what not4 ,i suppose some uncle left him the things4 ,cooking8 ,i forgot to notice that2 but the point of one's knife went all sorts of ways1 and the earthenware was most irritating4 ,eccentric people4 ,the ,lady ,shepherd1 as they call her1 has actually got near a thousand autographs4 ,why in the world doesn't she send them up to ,sotheby's and buy some new stair carpets80 ,ah6 why indeed8 ,because such as she and the ,shepherd have a way of their own which is not exactly your way1 my noble ,asnapper2 because they have made their choice1 and they do not repent it4 ,some things they have1 and take delight in them2 some things they have not1 and they do without them4 ,but not even in ,arcady is it all cakes and ale4 ,thank ,god we have our duties as well as our enjoyments2 pursuits and tastes we have1 and the serious blessed duties which call us from excess in self-indulgence4 ,when the roads are blocked for man and beast we chuckle because there can be no obligation to trudge down to the school a mile and a half off1 or to go and pay that wedding call upon the little bride who was married last week1 or to inquire about the health of ,mrs4 ,thingoe on the common1 whose twins are ten days old4 ,but snow or no snow1 as long as old ,biddy lives1 one of us positively must go and look after 8the old lady40 ,every man1 woman1 and child in the parish calls her 8the old lady10 and a real old lady she is4 ,biddy was ninety-three last ,november4 ,she persists she's ninety-four--8leastways in my ninety-four4 ,that ,register only said when ,i was christened1 you know1 and who's a-going to say how long ,i was born before ,i was christened80 ,biddy has been married three times1 and she avers that she wouldn't mind marrying again if she could get another partner equal to her second4 ,every one of her husbands had had one or more wives before he wedded ,biddy4 ,we make out that ,biddy and her three spouses committed an aggregate of twelve acts of matrimony4 ,if you think that old ,biddy is a feeble old dotard1 drivelling and maundering1 you never made a greater mistake in your life4 ,she is as bright as a star of the first magnitude1 and as shrewd as the canniest ,scotchman that ever carried a pack4 ,she is almost the only genuine child of ,arcady ,i ever knew who has a keen sense of humour1 and is always on the look-out for a joke4 ,she is quite the only one in whom ,i have noticed any tender pity for the fallen1 not because of the consequences that followed the lapse1 but simply and only because it was a fall4 ,biddy lives by herself in a house very little bigger than an enlarged dog-kennel1 and much smaller than an average cow-house4 ,till she was eighty-three she went about the country with a donkey and cart1 hawking2 since then she has managed to exist1 and pay her rent too1 on eighteen pence a week and a stone of flour4 ,she is always neat and clean1 and more than cheerful4 ,she has been knitting socks for me for eight years past1 and ,i am provided with sufficient hosiery now to last me even to the age of the patriarchs4 ,of course we demoralise old ,biddy2 her little home is hardly #ajj yards off the parsonage1 and every now and then the old lady comes to tea in the kitchen4 ,one of the servants goes to fetch her1 and another takes her home2 and1 as ,i have said1 most days one of us goes to sit with her1 and ,i make it a rule never to leave her without making her laugh4 ,you may think what you like1 but ,i hold that innocent merriment keeps people healthy in mind and body1 improves the digestion1 clears the intellect1 brightens the conscience1 prepares the soul for adoration--for is not gaiety the anticipation of that which in the spiritual world will be known as fulness of joy8 ,on this day of snow ,i found ,biddy sitting before the fire1 half expecting me and half doubting whether ,i could get there4 8#8,cause1 you know1 you ain't as young as you was when you came here first40 8,is any one1 ,biddy80 ,she looked up in her sly way4 8,dash it1 ,i ain't60 ,by her side on the little table was a ,book of ,common ,prayer in very large print1 and her spectacles on it4 8,i've begun to read that book through10 she said1 8and ,i've got as far as where it's turned down1 but there's some on it as ,i've got to be very particular with4 ,that there slanting print1 that's hard1 that is2 that ain't so easy as the rest on it4 ,but ,i'm going to read it all through for all that4 ,you see ,i've done it all before1 and some of it comes easy40 8,well1 ,biddy1 you ought to know the marriage service by this time40 8,and so ,i do10 said ,biddy1 grinning4 8,but ,i never had no churchings1 and ,i don't hold wi' that there ,combination4 ,dash it6 ,i never did like cussing and swearing60#g ,it turned out that ,biddy had set herself the task of reading the ,prayer ,book through1 rubrics and all4 ,very funny1 wasn't it8 ,pray1 my reverend brethren of the clergy1 have you all of you set yourselves the same task and carried it out8 ,a little later the ,lady ,shepherd dropped in to look at ,biddy4 ,she found the old woman chuckling over some very mild pleasantry of mine1 which she repeated in her own odd way4 ,suddenly she stopped4 8,our doctor won't live to ninety-four60 8,oh1 ,biddy1 that's more than you can tell4 ,one thing is quite certain2 if he does1 you won't be here to see him40 8,why sha'n't ,i80 answers ,biddy4 8,he's nigh upon threescore1 ain't he8 and ,i'm in my ninety-four4 ,you can't tell1 neither1 as ,i shan't be here4 ,the ,lord knows40 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear old ,biddy6 ,who does know anything8 ,it seems to me that we can none of us know anything about anything but the past4 ,i hardly know whether we are most ignorant of the things that shall be or the things that are4 ,old ,biddy is the last of the old-world folk that fascinated me so much with their legends and traditions and reminiscences when first ,i settled among them--it seems but yesterday4 ,old ,biddy has told me all she has to tell1 the gossip and the experiences of days that were not as our days4 ,with her will pass away all that is left of a generation that was the generation of our fathers4 ,if ,i leave her with a smile upon the wrinkled old face there is more often a shade of sadness that passes over my own4 ,other faces rise up before me2 other voices seem to sound2 the touch of the vanished hand--gone--gone6 ,as ,i turn homeward with bowed head in the grey twilight1 and muse upon those ten years that have rushed by so peacefully1 and yet which have remorselessly levied their tribute and left me beggared of some who were dearer than all the jewels of the mine-- ,the farm-smokes1 sweetest sight on earth1 ,slow through the winter air a-shrinking1 ,seem kind o' sad1 and round the hearth ,of empty places set me thinking4 ,that1 however1 is not because ,arcady is ,arcady1 but because life is life4 ,such as we have long ago found the secret of contentment1 and something more4 ,shall ,i tell you what that secret is8 ,will you promise to take it as the rule of your own life if ,i do8 ,here it is1 then1 wrapped up in a very short and pithy aphorism--8,the man who does not like the place he has to live in is a fool40 ,ponder it well1 you people who are never tired of prescribing 8a change0 as absolutely necessary to endurable existence4 ,banished to the sweetest village in ,england1 how dazed and forlorn you'd be6 ,we could accommodate ourselves to your life as easily as we could put on a new suit of clothes4 ,you could never accommodate yourselves to ours4 ,you would mope and pine4 ,your only solace would be in droning forth a new version of the ,tristia1 which would not be half as melodious as ,ovid's4 ,this poor ,shepherd and his ,lady ,shepherd will never see the ,alps again--never take a boat on ,lugano's lake in the summer evening1 never see ,rome or ,florence1 never again stand before the ,sistine ,madonna1 hearing their hearts beat4 ,ravenna will remain for them unvisited1 and ,munich will be welcome to keep its acres of splashes1 which ,britain's young men and maidens are told with some insistence are genuine works of ,rubens1 every one of them4 ,these are joys of the past4 ,but if you assume that two old fogies like us must be longing for a change1 fidgeting and hankering after it1 and that we must be getting rusty1 dull1 and morose for lack of it1 that we are eating our hearts out with a querulous whimpering1 instead of brimming over with thankfulness all day and every day--then you do us grievous wrong4 ,what1 sir6 ,do you take us for a couple of babies floundering in a tub1 and puling for a cake of ,pears' ,soap8 ,arcady or ,athens is much the same to us4 ,where our home must be1 there are our hearts4 ,,note4 ,,the ,,automatic ,,adjustment ,,of ,,incomes4 ,this--the great financial measure of the future--can hardly be expected to commend itself to the philosophic economists of the present day4 ,it is the penalty which every man who is before his time must expect to pay for his excessive sagacity1 that his contemporaries neglect or deride him4 ,accordingly the very name of the ,french thinker who suggested this beautiful scheme for ensuring ,liberty1 ,equality1 and ,fraternity has been forgotten and--will it be believed8--the number of those who have ever taken the trouble to work out his formula is quite disgracefully small4 ,the ,formula of the great unknown stands thus3-- #jjja 7x - m7 ,the amount which the state deals with in all incomes above #ajj a year4#h ,here x the income4 m #a1jjj4 ,in working out this ,formula1 the ,rule may be stated as follows3-- #a4 ,from the number of pounds of income 7x7 deduct #a1jjj4 #b4 ,multiply the remainder into itself1 i4e41 square it4 #c4 ,divide the product by #aj1jjj4 ,the result will give-- 7i7 ,the amount paid by the ,state to the owners of income under #a1jjj a year4 7ii7 ,the amount paid to the ,state by owners of income above #a1jjj a year4 ,examples3-- 7a7 ,income of #bjj a year2 i4e41 x #bjj4 #bjj - #a1jjj -#hjj4 -#hjj squared2 i4e41-#hjj multiplied by -#hjj #fdj1jjj4 ,result of #fdj1jjj_/aj1jjj #fd4 ,consolation income to all possessors of #bjj a year 444 #fd4 7b7 ,income of #ejj a year2 i4e41 x #ejj4 #ejj - #a1jjj -#ejj4 -#ejj squared2 i4e41-#ejj multiplied by -#ejj #bej1jjj4 ,result of #bej1jjj_/aj1jjj #be4 ,consolation income to all possessors of #ejj a year 444 #be4 7c7 ,income of #ijj a year2 i4e41 x #ijj4 #ijj - #a1jjj -#ajj4 -#ajj squared2 i4e41 -#ajj multiplied by -#ajj #aj1jjj4 ,result of #aj1jjj_/aj1jjj #a4 ,consolation income to all possessors of #ijj a year 444 #a4 7d7 ,income of #a1jjj a year2 i4e41 x #a1jjj4 #a1jjj - #a1jjj #j4 #j multiplied by #j #j4 ,consolation income to all possessors of #a1jjj a year 444 #j4 7e7 ,income of #b1jjj a year2 i4e41 x #b1jjj4 #b1jjj - #a1jjj #a1jjj4 #a1jjj squared i4e41 #a1jjj multiplied by #a1jjj #a1jjj1jjj4 ,result of #a1jjj1jjj_/aj1jjj #ajj4 ,income tax paid by all possessors of #b1jjj a year 444 #ajj4 ,reduced to a tabulated form it becomes evident that the consolation paid by the ,state to all owners of income below #a1jjj will decrease as the incomes increase2 until1 when a prosperous gentleman attains to #a1jjj a year1 the consolation will disappear1 and instead of receiving anything he will begin to pay tax upon his income1 such tax becoming greater and greater as his income grows--until1 if he be so rash as to attain an income of #aa1jjj a year1 he will pay #aj1jjj a year income tax1 and if he does not take this warning and rises to #ab1jjj a year the ,state will not only claim all his #ab1jjj but demand #ajj a year more4 ,that is to say1 ,a4 ,incomes of #bjj will receive from the ,state the ,consolation of #fd #cjj 0 0 0 #di #djj 0 0 0 #cf #ejj 0 0 0 #be #fjj 0 0 0 #af #gjj 0 0 0 #i #hjj 0 0 0 #d #ijj 0 0 0 #a #a1jjj 0 0 0 ,nil ,b4 ,incomes of #b1jjj will pay to the ,state a ,tax of #ajj #c1jjj 0 0 0 #djj #d1jjj 0 0 0 #ijj #e1jjj 0 0 0 #a1fjj #f1jjj 0 0 0 #b1ejj #g1jjj 0 0 0 #c1fjj #h1jjj 0 0 0 #d1ijj #i1jjj 0 0 0 #f1djj #aj1jjj 0 0 0 #h1ajj #aa1jjj 0 0 0 #aj1jjj #ab1jjj 0 0 0 #ab1ajj 99 99 99 99 99 ,the richest man in the community will thus be he who has an income of #f1jjj a year2 on this he will have to pay #b1ejj income tax1 leaving him with an available balance of #c1ejj a year to spend6 ,now was not this anonymous ,frenchman a man of real genius8 ,and is he not a signal example of the truth that 8,the world knows nothing of its greatest men08 99 99 99 99 99 ,the assumptions on which this lofty attempt to reconstruct the social fabric are based are obvious4 ,they are these3-- ,i4 ,that the earners of daily or weekly wages are not owners of property1 nor can they be classed among the possessors of a secure annual income4 ,de minimis non curat lex4 ,,ii4 ,that it is to the advantage of the community to increase the number of small capitalists1 and to assist them with ,state aid--though in a diminishing ratio as their property or incomes increase1 and they need less and less encouragement4 ,,iii4 ,that it is equally for the advantage of the community to decrease the number of large capitalists and to discourage the accumulation of wealth in few hands2 and therefore it is necessary to fix a limit of wealth which men shall not be permitted to exceed4 ,oh6 ye ,astors and ,vanderbilts6 ,ye ,rothschilds and ,barings6 ,ye kings of railroads and bacon and nitre6 ,aye6 and such as thou citizen ,labouchere--thou of the morbidly sensitive conscience4 ,tremble1 for your day is coming6 ,the age of hap-hazard and empirical finance is passing--the age of scientific and philosophic readjustment is about to dawn4 ,there are those whose mission it will be to set all things straight1 and to bring peace on earth and goodwill to men by the exquisitely simple machinery of ,fiscal ,reform4 ,when that time comes ,mammon's ,kingdom will sink to be a mere tributary to the great pantisocracy of the future4 ,hoarding and accumulating will pass away and die--brought to an end by the phlebotomy of the scientists4 ,money-grubbing will be an incident in the historic romances of that happy time1 and the tutored youth1 young men and maidens1 will smile at the darkness and fumbling stupidity of those untaught generations who only chattered of a golden age1 with never a dream that a better age than that would come with the revolving years--to wit1 the age of-- #jjja 7x-m74 ,,vii4 ,,why ,i ,,wish ,,to ,,visit ,,america4 ,many more years than ,i like to acknowledge1 have passed away since a day when my father caught me slinking out of his library with ,mrs4 ,trollope's 8,travels in the ,united ,states0 under my arm4 ,he laughed at my absurd precocity1 for ,i was little more than a child1 and as he took the book away from me1 he said1 8,my boy1 that is not a book for you to read4 ,it is not even true4 ,you shall go to ,america yourself one day1 when you're a man1 and you'll know better than to write that kind of stuff40 ,it was a great hope that was stirred by that promise that ,i should go to ,america myself some day4 ,i used to think about it1 and wonder when ,i might look forward to being a man1 and how it could be managed1 and who would help me1 and whether ,i should settle there and own a slave4 ,a hundred times ,i have dreamt of ,boston1 and of ,richmond1 for somehow ,i never thought of ,new ,york1 and there was no ,chicago then1 and no ,san ,francisco4 ,perhaps1 too1 the ,united ,states might collapse before ,i ever grew to be a man1 and that was a prospect that made my heart sick to think of4 ,i have been told1 indeed1 that one night ,i awoke with a cry1 and was heard to exclaim1 8,pray1 ,god1 keep ,america till ,i've been and seen it60 ,and yet ,i never have seen ,america1 and ,i am afraid ,i never shall see it now1 though my youthful prayer has been answered1 and ,america has been kept and seems in small danger of collapsing yet awhile4 ,i have read a great many books about ,america since those days2 but ,i am bound to say they have not made me much in love with the writers1 and ,i am also bound to say that they have given me very1 very little information upon exactly those points that ,i most wished to inquire into4 ,of late years ,i have altogether given up this kind of literature4 ,i believe the last time ,i looked into any one of these so-called 8,travels10 or 8,tours10 or 8,reminiscences10 was when ,mr4 ,anthony ,trollope's volumes appeared1 and ,i could not get through them4 ,somehow my father's words on the mother's book seemed to apply to the son's1 and spite of myself his voice seemed to be saying to me1 8,it is not even true60 ,but though ,i have ceased to read books about ,america1 the strong desire to see the ,new ,world has never faded2 nay1 it has increased in intensity as the years have gone on1 and what was at first but a vague hankering after something merely visionary1 has gradually become a definite longing to see and know an attainable reality4 ,my friends laugh at me and assure me ,i should be very much disappointed2 that ,i should not like it2 that no man ought to go to the ,states after thirty2 that at ,cincinnati there are only hogs to see1 and at ,chicago only monstrous corn warehouses1 at ,new ,york only monster hotels1 and at ,boston--oh1 dear6 such arrogant prigs2 finally1 that it would be quite impossible for me to continue wearing a white cravat over there1 for the washing of my linen would simply ruin me4 ,i hold my peace1 but ,i am not convinced1 and ,i still wish to visit ,america4 ,and why is this wish so strong in me8 ,i will try to answer that question as briefly as ,i can1 but ,i must needs answer it in a disorderly kind of way1 and give my reasons as they occur to me1 without any attempt at systematic arrangement4 ,first and foremost1 let it be understood that ,i wish to visit ,america because ,i am so very ignorant about the real life of a great nation that has sprung into magnificent maturity in a single century4 ,history has nothing like a parallel to produce1 which can for a moment be compared with the growth of this nationality4 ,i use that word advisedly4 ,as to the mere progress in wealth and numbers1 that does not impress me much4 ,from anything ,i have heard or read1 it does not seem to me inconceivable that a horde of ,chinamen1 urged on by avarice and selfishness1 might have done quite as much as has been done in the ,united ,states in the same time1 if ,john ,chinaman had happened to get the start2 but if they had done so1 they would1 ,i am convinced1 have remained a horde of ,chinamen still4 ,there would have been no new nation2 there would have been nothing like the sublime patriotism that1 to my mind1 characterizes the great ,american nation2 none of that incomparable chivalry that animated a whole people during the war of secession2 none of that proud sensitiveness that surprises cosmopolitan philosophers when they hear ,americans speak of 8the flag40 ,this is what ,i should like to look into1 like to ask about1 like to study on the spot1 namely1 ,what is the amazing cohesive force so infinitely potent to bind together into one corporate1 living nationality1 atoms so dissimilar as the population that makes up the great ,american people2 which1 as ,i understand it does1 seems to give a new focus to whatever old love of home warms the breast of ,german1 or ,dane1 or ,swiss1 or ,englishman2 which makes them1 one and all1 forget their old country and their father's house1 and lose all desire to return2 which1 extinguishing the old love of fatherland1 replaces it by a new love1 a passion for the glory of the present1 with its boundless hopes and ambitions1 and an almost haughty contempt for traditions2 this exulting confidence in a great destiny which disdains the lessons of experience1 and does not ask from them guidance or instruction or warning8 ,am ,i wrong8 or is it not the fact that ,americans have incomparably more faith in the solvitur ambulando principle than in any other1 and that1 whenever it is a question between looking back to see what others have done1 and looking forward regardless of all precedent1 they always prefer striking out a new line rather than following another's lead8 ,above all men upon earth1 ,americans are self-reliant1 self-asserting4 ,yet1 was there ever a people so much at unity with itself8 ,selfishness never seems to diminish the intense national pride2 the fierce war of parties in politics never seems to affect patriotism4 ,a whisper of disrespect to 8our country10 or the semblance of a sneer at it1 and woe to you6 ,is not this so8 ,i should like to see the working of this mysterious and1 to my mind1 awful force1 a force that acts upon the new-comer with exceeding rapidity4 ,how soon does the immigrant feel its operation8 ,by what processes does it exercise its prodigious sway8 ,how is it that the ,dutchman1 who has spent all his life in ,java1 looks to lay his bones with his father's at ,amsterdam or the ,hague2 that our own ,australian colonists1 when they have 8made their pile10 come back to us and call ,england still their home2 that the ,frenchman is always a ,frenchman1 with an astonishing faculty of producing a bad copy of ,french fashions wherever he settles1 and no power of assimilating himself to the manners and customs of the people among whom he sojourns2 but that1 when people go to ,america1 it is only a question of time when they will become ,americans--become absorbed1 that is1 into a new nationality8 ,these are questions ,i should like to ask on the spot1 and1 if possible1 test the truth of the answers suggested4 ,as there are these problems that present themselves in what ,i may call the national life of ,america1 so there are others in the political life of the ,american people that ,i have never been fortunate enough to find discussed adequately4 ,we in ,england have been spending fifty years in timidly feeling our way toward giving our masses a voice in the election of members of ,parliament4 ,we are on the eve of a great change1 when something very like manhood suffrage will be ushered in among us4 ,it is undeniable that among the upper and middle classes there is a feeling of great uneasiness at the prospect1 amounting in some quarters to absolute terror and despair1 of what may be coming in the not very distant future4 ,yet ,america has prospered in spite of universal suffrage1 and1 as far as ,i know1 seems to be by no means afraid of it4 ,one hears1 indeed1 of numbers of dainty people1 who are sometimes spoken of as 8the upper classes0 in ,american society1 affecting to hold aloof from political life and taking no part in the strife of parties4 ,it may be so2 but do not these citizens of the great commonwealth who give themselves such airs--these 1 as somebody calls them1 who1 like naughty children1 won't play because they can't always be on the in side--constitute a very insignificant number8 ,the fact remains that the enormous majority of ,americans are not only earnest and1 if ,i am rightly informed1 passionate politicians1 but they go to the polls in shoals4 ,that fact alone strikes some of us here with wonder2 and the wonder increases upon us enormously when we are assured that this deep interest in political questions appears to be wholly distinct from the political excitement that intermittently rouses the masses in ,europe to outbreaks of frenzied hate against established institutions4 ,in ,france men get wild with panic lest the ouvriers should turn upon the bourgeoisie4 ,in ,germany the socialists have their own ends in view1 and do not disguise them4 ,in ,ireland the wretched peasantry avow their designs to confiscate the land4 ,the war of politics with us is eminently selfish1 and in proportion as it is carried on with more and more passion the less there seems to be of real patriotism4 ,on our side of the ,atlantic it is becoming increasingly apparent that the characteristic of our political warfare may be described as ,each man lusting for all that is not his own4 ,mr4 ,lowell has summed it all up in one of those stinging antitheses that are so stinging they can hardly be true1 when1 speaking from the ,american point of view1 he says3 ,their people's turned to mob--our mob's turned people4 ,how is it that in ,america the masses can be disciplined so readily to take their side1 and to engage so heartily in the fray1 moving together as mysteriously as the swallows that with scarce audible twitterings gather in thousands1 plume their wings for flight1 seem to hesitate for a brief hour1 and the next are gone8 ,we1 indeed1 have of late been aping some ,american practices1 and trying our hands at the caucus1 and the three hundred1 and what not4 ,i suspect it is a very feeble imitation1 and ,i suspect that one of my ,american friends was right when he said with a laugh3 8,your fellows don't know their business2 they don't understand what they are talking about4 ,they're first-rate at turning out steel pens and such small ware1 but they'd better leave our political machinery alone4 ,you're too crowded up in your little island to find room for one of our big fly-wheels60 ,but how is all this enthusiasm for politics kept up with comparatively so little appeal to the lowest selfishness8 and how are these immense numbers manipulated1 the vast armies handled as skilfully as if they were soldiers on parade8 ,it is all inexplicable to large numbers of wiseacres in ,england1 who will persist in talking of petty 8motives0 and 8reason0 as if they were the prime factors in every social problem4 ,and this leads me to touch upon another matter1 on which ,i feel myself profoundly ignorant1 and which ,i am sure that others here are quite as ignorant about as ,i am4 ,we are told that in ,america there is a recognized profession of politics1 just as here there is a medical profession or a legal profession1 or1 if this is putting the case too strongly1 just as here there is the profession of journalism4 ,how in the world do the members of this profession get along8 ,a new ,president is elected1 and we are told that all the old officials are turned out4 ,where do they go8 ,what becomes of them8 ,what is the effect upon the executive8 ,with us the patronage of the government1 at any rate in the civil service1 has been reduced to a minimum4 ,our executive is to a very great extent1 indeed1 independent of the government of the day4 8,men may come and men may go10 but permanent secretaries 8go on for ever40 ,so do commissioners and their clerks1 and the thousands of stipendiaries to whom it matters not one straw whether the ,radicals are in or the ,tories4 ,with us1 when a man has gained an appointment by passing a good examination at eighteen or nineteen years old1 it is his own fault if he ever loses it4 ,practically1 there is no getting rid of him as long as he can do his work2 he is as safe as a judge1 and irremovable4 ,but in ,america1 we hear1 every four years they shuffle the cards1 and away they go6 ,what results from this8 ,am ,i wrongly informed8 or is there more absolute patronage1 patronage pur et simple1 in the hands of the ,president of the ,united ,states than in any other hands on the face of the earth8 ,assuming that it is so1 what1 ,i ask1 must be the effect upon the moral sentiments of the people at large1 inevitably brought day by day and hour by hour into relations with a class of eager office-seekers1 hungry1 alert1 jealous1 disappointed1 unprincipled1 or vindictive1 according to their success or failure1 in getting what they consider their due4 ,do the 8outs0 accept the logic of facts without demur1 and forthwith betake themselves to other callings8 ,that in every change in the chief magistracy of a nation every stipendiary of the executive1 from the postman to the judge of the supreme court1 should get his dismissal1 and the ,democrat clerk in the custom-house who was behindhand with his work on ,monday evening should leave his arrears to be made up by his ,republican successor on ,tuesday morning2 that when ,president ,a enters upon his office1 a new game should be begun1 and the pieces be all set up again1 regardless of the position in which the knights or the pawns were when ,president ,b was checkmated1--all this seems to us1 from our point of view1 not only difficult to understand1 but difficult to imagine4 ,surely1 theory and fact in this matter must differ very widely4 ,am ,i only exposing my ignorance8 ,i have used the terms 8upper and middle classes0 on a previous page4 ,when ,i have asked ,americans what the subtle barriers are that in ,american society separate class from class1 they have replied more than once1 8,in ,america there are no classes6 ,we have no differences of rank with us40 ,strange6 ,and yet we hear of colonels and generals and senators often enough1 and ,i am much mistaken if such titles are at all less esteemed on that side of the water than on this4 ,be it as it may1 however1 rank and title may be shadows1 but class differences are substantial things4 ,with us the titular aristocracy constitute a class1 an inner circle1 that at one time united in itself shadow and substance1 and now tends to become less exclusive and less influential1 however loudly some may complain that 444 in these ,british islands ',tis the substance that wanes ever1 'tis the symbol that exceeds4 ,we love rank1 because we have a lingering suspicion that it somehow symbolizes wealth1 or power1 or brilliant intellectual gifts1 or great public services1 that have forced their possessors into the front rank at some time or other1 and received their due recognition in the shape of titular distinction conferred either recently or in days gone by4 ,but if a title is found to be dissociated from any nobleness of character1 and is unsupported by brain power or purse power1 it will not save a man from humiliating snubs1 or give him the entre to the drawing-rooms of the upper classes4 ,for we have more than one upper class among us1 as other nations have had and will continue to have while the world lasts4 ,in that social world where ,mrs4 ,grundy bears sway1 our titular aristocracy undoubtedly are the acknowledged leaders1 and to them great homage is paid4 ,but it is not only because a man is an earl1 or a lady is a duchess1 that the one or the other is surrounded by a little court1 approached with deference and treated with studied respect1 but because both the one and the other are rich enough to 8support the title10 as we say4 ,yes1 it is true that in some sense or other ,our nobles wear their ermine on the outside1 or walk blackly ,in presence of the social law1 as most ignoble men4 ,you may protest that society in ,england is under the dominion of a plutocracy1 then4 ,yes6 and ,no6 ,yes6 in so far as it is true and always must be true1 that no man or woman can live on familiar terms1 and keep up the habitual intercourse with the leisure classes1 without a certain amount of money4 ,no6 in so far as it is also true that money alone1 however abundant it may be1 will never1 among us1 give any one an introduction to what we call society4 ,i have heard of cases1 and ,i know of one1 where a millionaire from our colonies took a palace in ,london1 and lived en prince2 was visited by no one1 failed to get into any but a third-rate club1 found no one to entertain and but few people to speak to2 and finally has gone back from whence he came1 astonished1 disappointed1 and soured4 ,they tell me that wealth in ,america will gain admission to any society for any one4 ,i have been repeatedly assured by intelligent ,americans that this is so2 yet ,i cannot understand that it should be so4 ,i can quite understand that1 whatever a man's rank1 or gifts1 or prospects may be1 he would find it very painful to mix with the upper ten thousand if he could not afford to pay for cab-hire1 or keep up his subscription at the club1 every day finding it hard to get his dinner1 and every night perplexed de lodice paranda2 but ,i can no more understand how a mere expenditure of cash could get ,x1 ,y1 or ,z into the best society1 than ,i can understand how a payment of1 say #aj1jjj1 would get an average cricketer into the ,all-,england eleven1 or a second-rate oar into the ,university crew4 ,the ,corporation of ,london is a plutocracy2 but society1 while accepting his lavish hospitality1 treats even the ,lord ,mayor of ,london de haut en bas4 ,the ,lady ,mayoress receives ambassadors with condescension2 next year some young attach stares at ,mrs4 ,tomkins1 and wonders where he has met that woman4 ,who are the upper classes in ,america8 ,it is nonsense to say there are none4 ,not to speak of those states in pre-,christian times that tended more or less to become dominated over by an oligarchy1 ,athens was at least as pure a republic as ,america is2 her people were as proud1 as self-asserting1 as audaciously enterprising1 as ambitious1 as shrewd in commercial ventures1 as greedy for money1 and as lavish in spending it1 as the ,americans are2 yet the 8first families0 among the ,athenians were as haughty as ,spaniards1 as exclusive as the old ,french noblesse1 and bragged of their ancestry as absurdly as ,scotchmen do4 ,if a loud-voiced1 bawling demagogue came to the front by sheer force of will and impudence1 his political opponents never allowed the populace to forget that he was brought up in a tan-yard4 ,demosthenes gives point to his most withering sarcasms against schines by reminding his audience that he was the son of a school-mistress1 and had to scrub the ink off the desks at which his mother taught the dirty little urchins2 and who that has read the 8,clouds0 can forget ,strepsiades's doleful lamentation over his fatal mistake in marrying a fine lady with a pedigree1 and begetting a son who did not take after his father8 ,there must be an aristocracy in ,america who stand upon their birth rather than their mere wealth1 yet how little we hear of them4 ,what recognition do they receive8 ,how is it they so seldom come to be leaders8 ,how is it that ,hyperbolus seems to push aside ,cimon1 and ,cleon is quite too much for ,alcibiades8 ,it used to be said that no two ,englishmen could be found to maintain a conversation together for five minutes without one asking the other what he thought of the weather4 ,it is true still2 but there is another question that of late years has become the stock question when two people meet one another1 and that is1 8,when are you going away80 ,if a man replies boldly that he is not going away at all1 he is looked upon as the very impersonation of eccentricity4 8,not going away6 ,why1 what are you going to do80 ,this 8going away0 means leaving our country-houses when the flowers are in their splendour and all nature bids us stay where we are1 and starting off for ,norway or ,switzerland to spend our money among strange people1 drink bad wine1 get in late for table-d'hte when we are faint and weary1 or find ourselves five flights of stairs from our pocket handkerchief in a towering edifice without a lift4 ,but go where we will1 we are sure to find ourselves not two chairs away from ,american tourists2 they are everywhere4 ,sir ,james ,ross used to say that if ever he reached the ,north ,pole he would be sure to find a ,scotchman sitting upon it4 ,i don't know what has become of all the ,scotchmen2 they and the gypsies have grown rarer since ,i was a boy2 but you can never escape from ,americans4 ,of course there are ,americans and ,americans2 they differ from one another as much as any other people do1 as much and no more2 but this is true of all the transatlantic tourists1 they are abundantly supplied with money1 and they do not grudge spending it2 in fact1 if we were to judge by the ,americans we meet with in ,europe1 we should be forced to the conclusion that all ,americans are rich1 even very rich4 ,but when ,i have asked them how clergymen and doctors and lawyers and elderly people with strictly limited incomes live in the ,united ,states1--such people as among us live in comfort with a couple of female servants1 or even keep a pony chaise1--,i have found my tourist acquaintances very much amused at my supposing that in ,america helps could be got to stay in such a household4 8,are there1 then1 no small people in ,america80 ,i have asked4 ,the answer has been more often than not1 8,if there are1 we don't know them40 ,it is obvious that quiet1 domestic people of small means are not to be met with among tourists at luxurious hotels1 and equally obvious that such people are hard to get at by travellers who are themselves birds of passage4 ,when a householder is living very near the wind1 he does not like to expose his small economies and humble ways to a stranger2 and because he is living a quiet1 unostentatious life1 he has little to offer to those whose occupation is seeing sights4 ,but any man or woman who wishes to gain some insight into our domestic life may easily obtain it if he will but take the trouble to read our works of fiction4 ,our novelists come from the middle classes1 not from the rich or leisure classes1 and they speak as they do know4 ,they tell us all about the habits and sentiments and ways of talking among clergymen and doctors and farmers and millers and clerks and shopkeepers in ,england2 they show us the good and the bad side with equal impartiality2 and no more faithful delineations have ever been made of the inner and outer life of the lowest struggling classes than are to be found in ,english literature4 ,but if we want to get an insight into the morale of such people in ,america1 we do not know where to look for it4 ,such a character as ,kitty ,ellison in ,mr4 ,howell's 8,chance ,aquaintance10 whose heart is with ,uncle ,jack and his anxieties and troubles while she is enjoying all the gaieties and luxuries that wealth can bestow1 is a rarity in ,america2 and1 moreover1 all the people one meets with in ,mr4 ,howell's stories are away from home4 ,in the 8,biglow ,papers0 one does now and then get a hint that there are shrewd farmers and hard-headed country folk somewhere in the ,states1 who do not wander very far1 but one never gets to know them4 ,that exquisite story of ,mr4 ,stockton's1 8,rudder ,grange10 as far as ,i know1 occupies a unique position in ,american literature1 and has for many of us lifted the veil from a whole world of little people across the ,atlantic1 of whose very existence some on our side the water had almost begun to entertain doubts4 ,yet we are in the habit of thinking that it is precisely among these people that we must look for the real heart of a great nation1 and that the pulse of every great nation is to be felt among them1 if at all4 ,but of all subjects of inquiry that a thoughtful ,englishman could set himself to work at1 the most instructive1 the most suggestive1 would be the effect of perfect equality between the various religious bodies upon the philosophic speculations1 religious sentiments1 and ethical convictions of the ,american people4 ,in ,england there is one ,church by law established1 and they who separate from the communion of that ,church are all classed together as dissenters4 ,that there should be anywhere on the face of the earth a condition of society where there can be no such thing as a dissenter1 is a thought extremely difficult for some good folks here to grasp4 ,but much harder is the other notion1 which ,i presume is familiar enough to ,americans1 that there should be anywhere no sects4 ,no dissenters1 because no predominant or paramount ,christian organization that rejoices in the 8most-favoured-nation0 clause4 ,no sects1 because no church recognized as the ,church from which the other religious bodies have cut themselves off4 ,that there should be no bigotry and exclusiveness1 no odium theologicum1 no fierce rivalry1 no proselytizing1 in ,america1 as everywhere else1 is inconceivable4 ,theological disputants will cease to wrangle when lawyers learn to love one another as brethren and doctors differ without asperity2 but among us the situation is extremely embarrassing as between the ,church--for with us it is the ,church--and the non-conformist1 that is1 with those who will not subscribe to our ,church doctrine1 accept our formularies1 or conform to our liturgy4 ,here we have a standard by which we try all other ,christian bodies1 and we pronounce them more or less orthodox or denounce them as absolutely unorthodox1 in proportion as they approach or depart from this standard which is tacitly accepted among us as the established standard4 ,if there were no ,church of ,england by law established1 ,i believe that a vast number of people would find themselves quite dazed1 quite lost4 ,to them it would be practically pretty much as if we were all to awake some fine morning to find that the ,home ,secretary had shut up ,greenwich observatory and run away with the key1 having previously taken measures to stop all the great clocks in the land4 ,we should all of us be going by our own watches4 ,yet somehow in ,america every man goes by his own watch2 and if nobody is right1 nobody else is likely to consider himself hopelessly wrong4 ,here the social position of the clergy of the established ,church is something quite peculiar4 ,there is no need to dwell upon the fact1 but that it is a fact there can be no doubt4 ,the result is1 that the attitude of the clergy#i toward all the religious teachers has always been exclusive2 there has never been any cordiality1 and very little coperation4 ,i do not say this is not deplorable2 ,i am concerned with facts only4 ,a supercilious tone is so habitually natural to the clergyman when speaking or dealing with the dissenting minister1 and a tone of soreness1 jealousy1 and suspicion on the part of the minister towards the clergyman seems to us so inseparable from their relations one to the other1 that we in ,england can hardly bring ourselves to believe that the ,episcopalian and the ,independent1 the ,wesleyan and the ,primitive ,methodist1 could meet on absolutely equal terms1 just as officers of two regiments in the same army can meet at mess and fight valiantly side by side against the common foe4 ,every now and then we get one of those necessary evils1 the religious newspapers1 sent us by kind friends from ,america1 or we catch a glimpse of an ,american bishop or ,episcopalian popular preacher4 ,was it only a dream1 or have ,i really1 actually1 in the flesh1 once met with an ,american archdeacon8 ,but from these exalted personages and their organs surprisingly little is to be learned2 and ,i observe that an ecclesiastic1 let him come from where he may1 is a shy creature1 ready enough to listen1 but not to talk4 ,he puts himself on the defensive1 and is so very much afraid of committing himself1 that you are apt to retire into your interior1 too2 just as ,i have observed two snails meeting on their evening walk2 one at the approach of his brother shuts himself up in his shell1 and the other tickles at him with his horns for a little while1 but ends by accepting the situation1 and shutting himself up also4 ,result1 to all appearance1 nothing but two unoccupied snail-shells1 inhabitants having retired from publicity4 ,i cannot believe that even in ,america the priests of the ,roman ,church would ever assume any other than a haughty bearing toward all other ,christian teachers4 ,theirs is either the ,church1 or it is nothing4 ,but how do all the rest behave to one another8 ,are they all1 in point of fact1 merely ministers of their respective congregations8 ,how about proselytizing8 ,it is comparatively easy to draw up a constitution that shall keep up a certain amount of discipline among the officers of any force2 but it is quite another thing to keep control over the rank and file when they are all volunteers4 ,such a regiment as that famous one of ,artemus ,ward's1 8composed exclusively of commanders-in-chief10 would hardly be found a successful organization in the church militant4 ,are the clergy of all denominations held by all denominations in equal esteem8 ,do they 8love as brethren10 or do they 8bite and devour one another80 99 99 99 99 99 ,these are some of the questions ,i find myself continually asking when ,i turn my thoughts toward the magnificent country and the great nation on the other side of the ocean4 ,i do not believe a man could get any answer to them1 satisfactory to his own mind1 except by personal observation4 ,he must for a time live among living men1 and see them at their daily tasks1 to understand their life even a very little4 ,it is too much the habit of travellers to take their theories with them4 ,i1 for my part1 have none4 ,if ,i ever carry out the wish of my life1 ,i shall start as a naturalist does who goes to make collections--with empty cases1 notebooks1 and apparatus--not too ready to generalize1 but very anxious to learn4 ,the probability is1 ,i shall never go at all4 ,but others more fortunate than ,i may1 perhaps1 be able to enlighten my darkness and inform my ignorance1 and it may happen that the hints ,i have thrown out may be suggestive to them4 ,as to the big cities1 with their colossal warehouses and enormous trade1 their gigantic hotels and prodigious growth1 they possess for me no attraction4 ,there is something dreadful to my mind in losing my personality in a surging multitude and being absorbed in a crowd4 ,to find myself unable to hear my own voice because steam-hammers are pounding all round me1 and iron wheels are keeping up a ceaseless din1 annihilating articulate speech--that seems to me horrible4 ,i shrink from these things4 ,i should be found creeping into out-of-the-way places1 prying into schools and colleges and universities1 begging that nobody would notice me1 while ,i might be permitted to notice everybody4 ,sometimes ,i should put very impertinent questions about the wonderful endowments that ,i hear ,americans believe in firmly1 just when we are beginning to lose our faith in their value4 ,sometimes ,i should even venture to inquire about the war--the war--the one war that reflected only imperishable glory upon both sides--the one civil war in the world's history that ended with the grandest of all triumphs1 freedom to the oppressed1 without one single act of vengeance inflicted upon the beaten side4 ,sometimes--but ,i am in danger of treading upon perilous ground1 in danger of saying too much1 in danger of making some one growl out suspiciously1 8,when you do come1 if ever you do1 you'd better keep out of my way60 99 99 99 99 99 ,a few days ago1 ,i was turning over an old volume of 8,punch10 when ,i was attracted by a cartoon that may be familiar to some of my readers4 ,a mighty coal-heaver1 his day's work done1 is leaning against one of the many posts to be found in the region of the ,seven ,dials1 his hands in his pockets1 his lips pipeless1 his eyes staring at vacancy4 ,by him stands an exquisitely dressed clergyman1 tall1 slim1 gentle1 refined1 who has blandly laid his extended hand upon the other's brawny shoulder4 ,says the clergyman1 8,my friend1 ,i want to go to ,exeter ,hall40 ,says the coal-heaver1 8,then why the dooce don't you go80 ,was it that the good man did not know his way8 or was he suffering from a little tightness in the chest8 ,,unwin ,,brothers1 ,,the ,,gresham ,,press1 ,,chilworth ,,and ,,london4 ,,footnotes #a 8,arcady1 for ,better for ,worse40 #b ,this is a matter of very great importance in hundreds of country parishes1 where the washing of the rectory frequently suffices to maintain a whole family4 #c ,a genuine ,norfolk man never aspirates a t when followed by an r4 ,it is always trew for through1 troat for throat1 tree for three1 c4 #d ,i do not forget ,crabbe--that sweet and gentle versifier4 ,but the romantic element is wholly wanting in him4 ,very probably ,sir ,wilfrid ,lawson would vehemently protest that ,crabbe deserves to be reckoned among the greatest of the great4 ,was not his first poem entitled ,inebriety8 ,when a child ,i used to be told that ,bloomfield's ,farmer's ,boy was equal to ,spenser1 but ,i concluded that ,spenser must be very dull1 and conceived a horror of the ,faery ,queen in consequence4 #e ,the lists of 8church goods0--i4e4 of the contents of our churches--during the reign of ,edward the ,sixth1 are to be found in the ,record ,office4 ,many of them have been printed in extenso2 they make up in the aggregate a large mass of documents1 and some account of them may be found in the seventh and ninth reports of the ,deputy ,keeper of the ,public ,records4 ,among the miscellaneous books of the ,exchequer is a visitation book of the ,archdeacon of ,norwich for the year #acfh1 which contains a very minute account of the contents of every church in the archdeaconry1 including service books1 vestments1 sacred vessels1 banners1 processional crosses1 ornaments1 c41 all set down in detail1 the names of the donors being frequently given1 and sometimes the value of the more precious articles being stated4 ,some years ago ,i stumbled upon an inventory of the contents of the ,collegiate ,church of ,st4 ,mary1 ,warwick1 drawn up in #adfg1 extending over five folio pages4 ,it seemed to me1 on a cursory inspection1 to be a document of great value as illustrative of this subject4 ,i know not whether it has ever been printed2 if not1 perhaps ,warwickshire antiquaries may be glad to be referred to it--,miscell4 ,books of the ,exchequer1 ,q4,r4 ,no4 #cj4 ,the inventory begins at fol4 cci4 #f ,why will not the printers' readers let me use this word8 ,i do use it every day of my life in talk2 why may ,i not write it and print it8 ,it is very short1 and it is perfectly harmless4 ,i am afraid it must mean something bad in ,finnish or some other strange tongue1 for the reader always draws my attention to it4 #g ,fact6 ,old ,biddy's habit of dashing it is so confirmed that there's no hope of her outgrowing it4 #h ,inasmuch as the general reader has a strong objection to the use of ,decimals1 it will be a comfort to him to be assured that multiplying by #jjja is the same thing as dividing by #aj1jjj2 and so #jjja 7x - m7 is only another way of writing 77x - m77_/#aj1jjj #i ,it has been only of late years that any ,christian ministers other than those ordained by the bishops of the ,church of ,england have been called 8clergymen0 among us4 ,the nonconformists were always called 8ministers0 or 8preachers40 ,i find myself driven to use the words 8clergy0 and 8minister0 in the old way1 to avoid conveying a wrong impression to my readers4 ,transcriber's ,notes ,punctuation and spelling were made consistent when a predominant preference was found in this book2 otherwise they were not changed4 ,simple typographical errors were corrected2 occasional unbalanced quotation marks retained4 ,ambiguous hyphens at the ends of lines were retained2 occurrences of inconsistent hyphenation have not been changed4 ,spelling and punctuation in dialect has not been changed4 ,page #aff3 ,transcriber added closing double-quotation mark to #8in those rude old times40 ,how8' but it may belong after the #8,how8' or in some other place4 ,pages #beb-bec3 ,in the formulas and explanations of them1 the variables x and m were printed in italics4 ,for readability1 that is not indicated here4 ,pages #bfd-bfi3 ,in the formulas and explanations of them1 the variables x and m were printed in boldface4 ,for readability1 that is not indicated here4