---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,light ,invisible ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,%e moves 9 tumult3 r\nd h] lies ,! sil5ce ( ! _w ( grace2 ,! twilight ( our my/]ies ,%9es l high noon-day on h] face1 ,our pite\s guesses1 dim ) fe>s1 ,%e t\*es1 h&les1 sees1 & he>s4 99 99 99 99 99 8,a will+ sacrifice1 %e takes ,! burd5 ( our ,fall )92 ,holy %e /&s2 :ile on h] breaks ,! lightn+ ( ! wra? ( s93 ,%e dr9ks h] ,savi\r's ,cup ( pa91 ,&1 "o ) ,jesus1 ?ir/s aga940 ,,! ,,contemplative ,,s\l ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,by ,,! ,,same ,,au?or ------- ,,! ,,"l ,,( ,,! ,,_w ,,by ,,:at ,,au?ority8 ,,! ,,k+',s ,,a*ievem5t ,,! ,,que5',s ,,trag$y ,,ri*>d ,,raynal1 ,,solit>y ,,! ,,s5tim5tali/s ,a ,,mirror ,,( ,,%alott ------- ,a ,,book ,,( ,,! ,,love ,,( ,,jesus ------- ,,sir ,,isaac ,,pitman ,,sons1 ,,ltd4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,light ,invisible ,by ,rob]t ,hugh ,b5son ,au?or ( 8,! ,k+'s ,a*ievem5t10 8,by ,:at ,au?ority80 8,! ,hi/ory ( ,ri*>d ,raynal1 ,solit>y10 8,a ,book ( ! ,love ( ,jesus10 etc4 ,,new ,,york1 ,,c9c9nati1 ,,*icago ,,b5zig] ,,bro!rs ,,pr9t]s ,,to ,,! ,,holy ,,apo/olic ,,see #aiaj ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,preface ,my fri5d1 ^: talk ,i h report$ 9 ?is book s f> z ,i am able1 w\ld be ! fir/ to disclaim 7z inde$ he 0 always anxi\s to d7 ! rle ( an accr$it$ tea*]1 o!r ?an t :i* 8 sacr$ (fice conf]r$ on him4 ,all t he claim$ 7& ?is surely 0 )9 8 rights7 0 to be at lea/ s9c]e 9 8 p]ceptions & expressions ( spiritual tru?4 ,8 p[]1 z he 0 at pa9s to tell me1 0 no m ?an a p>ticul> developm5t ( a faculty common to all :o possess a coh]5t spiritual life4 ,to "o ,div9e ,tru? f9ds entrance ?r\gh laws ( nature1 to ano!r ?r\gh ! m$ium ( o!r sci5ces or arts2 to my fri5d x pres5t$ itself 9 directly s5sible =ms4 ,_h 8 exp]i5ces1 h[ev]1 ev5 seem$ to contrav5e ,div9e ,revelation1 he w\ld h reject$ !m ) horror3 entire submission to ! ,div9e ,tea*] ^u e>?1 z he m ?an once told me1 %\ld normally prec$e ! ex]cise ( all o!r spiritual faculties4 ,! delib]ate rev]sal ( ?is is no?+ else ?an ,prote/antism 9 its extreme =m1 & mu/ ultimately result 9 ! ext9ction ( fai?4 ,= ! re/1 ,i c add no?+ to 8 own words4 ,x is ( c\rse m ?an possible t "h & !re ,i h fail$ to pres5t 8 exact mean+2 b at lea/ ,i h tak5 pa9s to submit ! book be=e publication to ! judgm5t ( ^? ^: !ological le>n+ is suffici5t to reassure me t at lea/ ,i h n s f> misund]/ood my fri5d's words & tales1 z to repres5t him z transgress+ ! explicit laws ( ascetical1 moral1 my/ical1 or dogmatic !ology4 ,to ^! c\nsellors ,i mu/ express my gratitude1 z well z to o!rs :o h k9dly giv5 me ! enc\ragem5t ( _! sympa?y4 ,r4 ,b4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,cont5ts ,,page ,,! ,,gre5 ,,robe #a ,,! ,,wat*] #ae ,,! ,,blood-,,eagle #bi ,,ov] ,,! ,,gateway #di ,,po5a ,,damni #fe ,,consolatrix ,,afflictorum #gg ,,! ,,bridge ,,ov] ,,! ,,/ream #ie ,,9 ,,! ,,conv5t ,,*apel #ajg ,,"u ,,:i* ,,k+8 #abg ,,) ,,dy$ ,,g>m5ts #ade ,,unto ,,babes #aei ,,! ,,travell] #aha ,,! ,,sorr[s ,,( ,,! ,,_w #bjc ,,9 ,,! ,,morn+ #bbg ,,! ,,expect$ ,,gue/ #bda ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,gre5 ,robe ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,to see a _w 9 a gra9 ( s&1 ,& a heav5 9 a wild fl[]2 ,hold inf9ity 9 ! palm ( y\r h&1 ,& et]nity 9 an h\r40 ,blake4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,gre5 ,robe ,,! old prie/ 0 sil5t = a mom5t4 ,! song ( a great bee boom$ up out ( ! di/ance & ceas$ z ! :ite bell ( a fl[] beside me droop$ sudd5ly "u 8 weight4 8,i h n made myself cle>10 said ! prie/ aga94 8,let me ?9k a m9ute40 ,& he lean$ back4 ,we 7 sitt+ on a little r$-til$ plat=m 9 8 g>d51 9 a %elt]$ angle ( ! wall4 ,on "o side ( u rose ! old irregul> h\se1 ) its lattic$ w9d[s1 & its li*5$ ro(s culm9at+ 9 a bellturret2 on ! o!r ,i look$ across ! pleasant g>d5 :]e great sc>let poppies hung l motionless flames 9 ! hot ,june sun%9e1 to ! tall liv+ wall ( yew1 beyond :i* rose ! heavy gre5 masses ( an elm 9 :i* a pigeon lam5t$1 & above all a t5d] blue sky4 ,! prie/ 0 look+ out /eadily be=e him ) great *ildlike eyes t %one /rangely 9 8 ?9 face "u 8 :ite hair4 ,he 0 dress$ 9 an old cassock t %[$ worn & gre5 9 ! high lights4 8,no10 he said pres5tly1 8x is n fai? t ,i mean2 x is only an int5se =m ( ! gift ( spiritual p]ception t ,god has giv5 me2 :i* gift inde$ is common to u all 9 our measure4 ,x is ! faculty by :i* we v]ify = ourselves :at we h receiv$ on au?ority & hold by fai?4 ,spiritual life consi/s p>tly 9 ex]cis+ ?is faculty4 ,well1 !n1 ?is =m ( t faculty ,god has be5 pleas$ to be/[ ^u me1 j z ,he has be5 pleas$ to be/[ on y a ke5 p[] ( see+ & enjoy+ beauty :]e o!rs p]haps see none2 ?is is call$ arti/ic p]ception4 ,x is no sort ( cr$it to y or to me1 any m ?an is ! col\r ( our eyes1 or a faculty = ma!matics1 or an a?letic body4 8,n[ 9 my case1 9 :i* y are pleas$ to be int]e/$1 ! p]ception occasionally is s ke5 t ! spiritual _w appe>s to me z visible z :at we call ! natural _w4 ,9 su* mom5ts1 al?\gh ,i g5]ally "k ! diff]5ce betwe5 ! spiritual & ! natural1 yet !y appe> to me simultane\sly1 z if on ! same plane4 ,x dep5ds on my *oice z to :i* ( ! two ,i see ! m cle>ly4 8,let me expla9 a little4 ,x is a "q ( focus4 ,a few m9utes ago y 7 />+ at ! sky1 b y did n see ! sky4 ,y\r own ?\ght lay be=e y in/ead4 ,!n ,i spoke to y1 & y />t$ a little & look$ at me2 & y saw me1 & y\r ?\ght vani%$4 ,n[ c y und]/& me if ,i say t ^! sudd5 glimpses t ,god has grant$ me1 7 z ?\gh :5 y look$ at ! sky1 y saw bo? ! sky & y\r ?\ght at once1 on ! same plane1 z ,i h said8 ,or ?9k ( x 9 ano!r way4 ,y "k ! %eet ( plate-glass t is across ! upp] "p ( ! fireplace 9 my /udy4 ,well1 x dep5ds on ! focus ( y\r eyes1 & y\r int5tion1 :e!r y see ! glass & ! fire-plate beh9d1 or ! room reflect$ 9 ! glass4 ,n[ c y imag9e :at x w\ld be to see !m all at once8 ,x is l t40 ,& he made an outw>d ge/ure ) 8 h&s4 8,well10 ,i said1 8,i sc>cely und]/&4 ,b please tell me1 if y w1 y\r fir/ vision ( t k9d40 8,i believe10 he began1 8t :5 ,i 0 a *ild ! fir/ cle> vision came to me1 b ,i only suppose x f my "m's di>y4 ,i h n ! di>y ) me n[1 b !re is an entry 9 x describ+ h[ ,i said ,i _h se5 a face look out ( a wall & _h run indoors f ! g>d52 half fright5$1 b n t]rifi$4 ,b ,i rememb] no?+ ( x myself1 & my "m seems to h ?\ght x mu/ h be5 a wak+ dream2 & if x 7 n = :at has happ5$ to me s9ce p]haps ,i %\ld h ?\ght x a dream too4 ,b n[ ! o!r explanation seems to me m likely4 ,b ! fir/ cle> vision t ,i rememb] = myself 0 z foll[s3 8,:5 ,i 0 ab\t f\rte5 ye>s old ,i came home at ! end ( "o ,july = my summ] holidays4 ,! pony-c>t 0 at ! /ation to meet me :5 ,i arriv$ ab\t f\r o'clock 9 ! aft]noon2 b z !re 0 a %ort cut ?r\gh ! woods1 ,i put my luggage into ! c>t1 & />t$ to walk ! mile & a half by myself4 ,! field pa? pres5tly plung$ into a p9e wood1 & ,i came ov] ! slipp]y ne$les "u ! high ar*es ( ! p9es ) t int5se ec/atic happ9ess ( home-com+ t "s natures "k s well4 ,i hope sometimes t ! fir/ /eps on ! o!r side ( dea? may be l t4 ,! air 0 full ( mell[ s\nds t seem$ to emphasise ! deep /illness ( ! woods1 & ( mell[ lights t /irr$ among ! %ad[$ gre5ness4 ,i "k ?is n[1 ?\gh ,i did n "k x !n4 ,until t day al?\gh ! beauty & ! col\r & s\nd ( ! _w c]ta9ly affect$ me1 yet ,i 0 n consci\s ( !m1 any m ?an ( ! air ,i brea!d1 because ,i did n !n "k :at !y meant4 ,well1 ,i w5t on 9 ?is gl[+ dimness1 notic+ only ! trees t might be climb$1 ! squirrels & mo?s t might be caught1 & ! /icks t might be %ap$ into arr[s or b[s4 8,i mu/ tell y1 too1 some?+ ( my religion at t "t4 ,x 0 ! religion ( mo/ well-taught boys4 ,9 ! =e-gr\nd1 if ,i may put x s1 0 morality3 ,i mu/ n d c]ta9 ?+s2 ,i mu/ d c]ta9 o!r ?+s4 ,9 ! middle di/ance 0 a p]ception ( ,god4 ,let me say t ,i realis$ t ,i 0 pres5t to ,him1 b n t ,he 0 pres5t to me4 ,our ,savi\r dwelt 9 ?is middle di/ance1 "o :om ,i fanci$ ord9>ily t5d]1 sometimes /]n4 ,9 ! backgr\nd !re lay c]ta9 my/]ies1 sacram5tal & o!rwise4 ,^! 7 *iefly ! affairs ( gr[n-up p4 ,& inf9itely f> away1 l cl\ds pil$ ^u ! horizon ( a sea1 0 ! invisible _w ( heav5 :5ce ,god look$ at me1 gold5 gates & /reets1 n[ t[]+ 9 _! exclusiv5ess1 n[ on ,sunday ev5+s bright ) a light ( hope1 n[ on wet morn+s unutt]ably dre>y4 ,b all ?is 0 un9t]e/+ to me4 ,"h ab\t me lay ! tangible enjoyable _w--?is 0 reality3 !re 9 a mi/y picture lay religion1 claim+1 z ,i knew1 my homage1 b n my he>t4 ,well2 s ,i walk$ ?r\gh ^! woods1 a t9y human creature1 yet great]1 if ,i _h only kn[n x1 ?an ^! giants ( ruddy bodies & arms1 & g>l&$ heads t /irr$ above me4 8,my pa? pres5tly came ov] a rise 9 ! gr\nd2 & on my left lay a long glade1 bord]$ by p9es1 fr+$ ) brack51 b itself a fold$ c>pet ( smoo? rabbit-cropp$ grass1 ) a quiet oblong pool 9 ! c5tre1 "s fifty y>ds bel[ me4 8,n[ ,i _c tell y h[ ! vision began2 b ,i f\nd myself1 )\t exp]i5c+ any consci\s %ock1 /&+ p]fectly /ill1 my lips dry1 my eyes sm>t+ ) ! int5sity ) :i* ,i _h be5 />+ d[n ! glade1 & "o foot a*+ ) ! pressure ) :i* ,i _h re/$ ^u x4 ,x mu/ h come ^u me & en?rall$ me s swiftly t my bra9 _h no "t to reflect4 ,x 0 no "w1 !re=e1 ( ! imag9ation1 b a cle> & sudd5 vision4 ,?is is :at ,i rememb] to h se54 8,i /ood on ! bord] ( a va/ robe2 its mat]ial 0 gre54 ,a great fold ( x lay full 9 view1 b ,i 0 consci\s t x /ret*$ = almo/ unlimit$ miles4 ,?is great gre5 robe blaz$ ) embroid]y4 ,!re 7 /raight l9es ( tawny "w on ei!r side :i* melt$ aga9 into a d>k] gre5 9 high relief4 ,"r 9 ! c5tre lay a pale agate /it*$ delicately into ! robe ) f9e d>k /it*es2 ov]head ! blue l9+ ( ?is silk5 robe ar*$ out4 ,i 0 consci\s t ?is robe 0 va/ beyond conception1 & t ,i /ood z x 7 9 a fold ( x1 z x lay /ret*$ out on "s unse5 floor4 ,b1 cle>] ?an any o!r ?\ght1 /ood out 9 my m9d ! c]ta9ty t ?is robe _h n be5 flung d[n & left1 b t x clo!d a ,p]son4 ,& ev5 z ?is ?\ght %[$ itself a ripple ran along ! high relief 9 d>k gre51 z if ! we>] ( ! robe _h j /irr$4 ,& ,i felt on my face ! breeze ( ,8 motion4 ,& x 0 ?is ,i suppose t br\ght me to myself4 8,& !n ,i look$ aga91 & all 0 z x _h be5 ! la/ "t ,i _h pass$ ?is way4 ,!re 0 ! glade & ! pool & ! p9es & ! sky ov]head1 & ! ,pres5ce 0 gone4 ,i 0 a boy walk+ home f ! /ation1 ) de> delights ( ! pony & ! air-gun1 & ! wak+s morn+ by morn+ 9 my own c>pet$ b$room1 be=e me4 8,i tri$1 h[ev]1 to see x aga9 z ,i _h se5 x4 ,no1 x 0 n 9 ! lea/ l a robe2 & above all :]e 0 ! ,p]son t wore x8 ,!re 0 no life ab\t me1 except my own1 & ! insect life t sang 9 ! air1 & ! quiet m$itative life ( ! gr[+ ?+s4 ,b :o 0 ?is ,p]son ,i _h sudd5ly p]ceiv$8 ,& !n x came ^u me ) a %ock1 & yet ,i 0 incr$ul\s4 ,x c\ld n be ! ,god ( s]mons & long pray]s :o dem&$ my pres5ce ,sunday by ,sunday 9 ,8 little *ur*1 t ,god ,:o wat*$ me l a /]n fa!r4 ,:y religion1 ,i ?\ght1 told me t all 0 vanity & unreality1 & t rabbits & pools & glades 7 no?+ comp>$ to ,him :o sits on ! great :ite ?rone4 8,i ne$ n tell y t ,i nev] spoke ( ?is at home4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i _h /umbl$ ^u a sc5e t 0 almo/ dreadful1 t might be ?\ght ov] 9 b$1 or dur+ an idle lonely morn+ 9 ! g>d51 b mu/ nev] be spok5 (1 & ,i c sc>cely tell y :5 ! "t came t ,i und]/ood t !re 0 b "o ,god aft] all40 ,! old man /opp$ talk+4 ,& ,i look$ out aga9 at ! g>d5 )\t answ]+ him1 & tri$ myself to see h[ ! poppies 7 embroid]$ into a robe1 & to he> h[ ! *att] ( ! />l+s 0 b ! ru/le ( its movem5t1 ! cl9k ( jewel aga9/ jewel1 & ! moan ( ! pigeon ! creak+ ( ! heavy silk1 b ,i c\ld n4 ,! poppies flam$ & ! birds talk$ & sobb$1 b t 0 all4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,wat*] ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,il faut d'abord r5dre l'organe de la vision analogue et semblable l'objet qu'il doit contempl]40 ,maet]l9ck4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,wat*] ,,on ! foll[+ day we w5t out soon aft] breakfa/ & walk$ up & d[n a grass pa? betwe5 two yew h$ges2 ! dew 0 n yet (f ! grass t lay 9 %ad[2 & ?9 pat*es ( gossam] /ill hung l torn cambric on ! yew %oots on ei!r side4 ,z we pass$ = ! second "t up ! pa?1 ! old man sudd5ly /oop$ & pu%+ aside a dock-leaf at ! foot ( ! h$ge lift$ a dead m\se1 & look$ at x z x lay /iffly on ! palm ( 8 h&1 & ,i saw t 8 eyes fill$ sl[ly ) ! ready te>s ( old age4 8,he has *os5 8 own re/+-place10 he said4 8,let him lie !re4 ,:y did ,i di/urb him80--& he laid him g5tly d[n aga92 & !n ga!r+ a fragm5t ( wet e>? he spr9kl$ x ov] ! m\se4 8,e>? to e>?1 a%es to a%es10 he said1 89 sure & c]ta9 hope0--& !n he /opp$2 & /raight5+ himself ) difficulty walk$ on1 & ,i foll[$ him4 8,y seem$ int]e/$10 he said1 89 my /ory ye/]day4 ,%all ,i tell y h[ ,i saw a v diff]5t sight :5 ,i 0 a little old]80 ,& :5 ,i _h told him h[ /range & attractive 8 /ory _h be51 he began4 8,i told y h[ ,i f\nd x impossible to see aga9 :at ,i _h se5 9 ! glade4 ,= a few weeks1 p]haps mon?s1 ,i tri$ n[ & !n to =ce myself to feel t ,pres5ce1 or at lea/ to see t robe1 b ,i c\ld n1 because x is ! gift ( ,god1 & c no m be ga9$ by ef=t ?an ord9>y sight c be won by a sightless man2 b ,i soon ceas$ to try4 8,i rea*$ eighte5 ye>s at la/1 t t]rible age :5 ! s\l seems to h dw9dl$ to a sp>k ov]laid by a m\nta9 ( a%es--:5 blood & fire & dea? & l\d noises seem ! only ?+s ( int]e/1 & all t5d] ?+s %r9k back & hide f ! dreadful noonday ( manhood4 ,"s "o gave me "o ( ^? %ot-pi/ols t y may h se51 & ,i lov$ ! s5se ( p[] t x gave me1 = ,i _h nev] _h a gun4 ,= a week or two 9 ! summ] holidays ,i 0 cont5t ) %oot+ at a m>k1 or at ! level surface ( wat]1 & delight$ to see ! c>dbo>d %att]$1 or ! quiet pool torn to %r$s along its mirror :]e ! sky & gre5 lay sleep+4 ,!n t ceas$ to int]e/ me1 & ,i long$ to see a liv+ ?+ sudd5ly /op liv+ at my w4 ,n[10 & he held up a deprecat+ h&1 8,i ?9k sport is necess>y = "s natures4 ,aft] all1 ! kill+ ( creatures is necess>y = man's food1 & sport z y w tell me is a survival ( man's delight 9 obta9+ food1 & x requires c]ta9 noble qualities ( endurance & skill4 ,i "k all t1 & ,i "k fur!r t = "s natures x is a relief--an escape = hum\rs t w o!rwise f9d an evil v5t4 ,b ,i d "k ?is--t = me x 0 n necess>y4 8,h[ev]1 !re 0 e excuse1 & ,i w5t out 9 good fai? "o summ] ev5+ int5d+ to %oot "s rabbit z he ran to cov] f ! op5 field4 ,i walk$ along ! inside ( a f5ce ) a wood above me & on my left1 & ! gre5 mead[ on my "r4 ,well1 ow+ probably to my own lack ( skill1 ?\gh ,i c\ld he> ! patt] & ru% ( ! rabbits all r\nd me1 & c\ld see !m 9 ! di/ance sitt+ up li/5+ ) cock$ e>s1 z ,i /ole along ! f5ce1 ,i c\ld n get close en\gh to fire at !m ) any hope ( :at ,i fanci$ 0 success2 & by ! "t t ,i _h arriv$ at ! end ( ! wood ,i 0 9 an impati5t mood4 8,i /ood = a mom5t or two lean+ on ! f5ce look+ out ( t pleasant coolness into ! op5 mead[ beyond2 ! sun _h at t mom5t dipp$ beh9d ! hill be=e me & all 0 9 %ad[ except :]e !re hung a glory ab\t ! topmo/ leaves ( a bee* t /ill caught ! sun4 ,! birds 7 beg9n+ to come 9 f ! fields1 & 7 settl+ "o by "o 9 ! wood beh9d me1 /ay+ "h & !re to s+ "o la/ l9e ( melody4 ,i c\ld he> ! quiet ru% & !n ! sudd5 clap ( a pigeon's w+s z he came home1 & z ,i li/5$ ,i he>d peal+ out above all o!r s\nds ! long liquid song ( a ?ru% some:]e above me4 ,i look$ up idly & tri$ to see ! bird1 & aft] a mom5t or two caught sight ( him z ! leaves ( ! bee* p>t$ 9 ! breeze1 8 head lift$ & 8 :ole body vibrat+ ) ! joy ( life & music4 ,z "s "o has said1 8 body 0 "o beat+ he>t4 ,! la/ radiance ( ! sun ov] ! hill rea*$ him & ba!d him 9 gold5 w>m?4 ,!n ! leaves clos$ aga9 z ! breeze dropp$1 b /ill 8 song rang out4 8,!n !re came on me a bl9d+ desire to kill him4 ,all ! o!r creatures _h mock$ me & run home4 ,"h at lea/ 0 a victim1 & ,i w\ld p\r out ! sull5 ang] t _h be5 ga!r+ dur+ my walk1 & at lea/ dem& ?is "o life z a sub/itute4 ,side by side ) ?is ,i rememb]$ cle>ly t ,i _h come out to kill = food3 t 0 my "o ju/ification4 ,side by side ,i saw bo? ^! ?+s1 & ,i _h no excuse--no excuse4 8,i turn$ my head e way & mov$ a /ep or two back to cat* sight ( him aga91 &1 al?\gh1 ?is may s\nd fanta/ic & ov]wr\ght1 9 my :ole be+ 0 a /ruggle betwe5 light & d>kness4 ,e fibre ( my life told me t ! ?ru% _h a "r to live4 ,ah6 he _h e>n$ x1 if lab\r 7 want+1 by ?is v song t 0 guid+ dea? t[>ds him1 b black sull5 ang] _h ?r[n my consci5ce1 & 0 n[ /ruggl+ to hold x d[n till ! %ot _h be5 fir$4 ,/ill ,i wait$ = ! breeze1 & !n x came1 cool & sweet-smell+ l ! brea? ( a g>d51 & ! leaves p>t$4 ,!re he sang 9 ! sun%9e1 & 9 a mom5t ,i lift$ ! pi/ol & drew ! trigg]4 8,) ! crack ( ! cap came sil5ce ov]head1 & aft] :at seem$ an int]m9able mom5t came ! s(t ru% ( some?+ fall+ & ! fa9t ?ud among la/ ye>'s leaves4 ,!n ,i /ood half t]rifi$1 & />$ among ! dead leaves4 ,all seem$ dim & mi/y4 ,my eyes 7 /ill a little dazzl$ by ! bright backgr\nd ( sunlit air & rosy cl\ds on :i* ,i _h look$ ) su* int5sity1 & ! space b5ea? ! bran*es 0 a _w ( %ad[s4 ,/ill ,i look$ a few y>ds away1 try+ to make out ! body ( ! ?ru%1 & fe>+ to he> a /ruggle ( beat+ w+s among ! dry leaves4 8,& !n ,i lift$ my eyes a little1 vaguely4 ,a y>d or two beyond :]e ! ?ru% lay 0 a rhodod5dron bu%4 ,! blossoms _h fall5 & ! outl9e ( d>k1 heavy leaves 0 unreliev$ by ! slighte/ t\* ( col\r4 ,z ,i look$ at x1 ,i saw a face look+ d[n f ! high] bran*es4 8,x 0 a p]fectly hairless head & face1 ! ?9 lips 7 p>t$ 9 a wide smile ( laught]1 !re 7 innum]able l9es ab\t ! corn]s ( ! m\?1 & ! eyes 7 surr\nd$ by creases ( m]rim5t4 ,:at 0 p]haps mo/ t]rible ab\t x all 0 t ! eyes 7 n look+ at me1 b d[n among ! leaves2 ! heavy eyelids lay droop+1 & ! long1 n>r[1 %9+ slits %[$ h[ ! eyes laugh$ b5ea? !m4 ,! =ehead slop$ quickly back1 l a cat's head4 ,! face 0 ! col\r ( e>?1 & ! outl9es ( ! head fad$ bel[ ! e>s & *9 into ! gloom ( ! d>k bu%4 ,!re 0 no ?roat1 or body or limbs s f> z ,i c\ld see4 ,! face j hung !re l a d[n-turn$ ,ea/]n mask 9 an old curiosity %op4 ,& x smil$ ) %e] delight1 n at me1 b at ! ?ru%'s body4 ,!re 0 no *ange ( expression s long z ,i wat*$ x1 j a sil5t smile ( pleasure petrifi$ on ! face4 ,i c\ld n move my eyes f x4 8,aft] :at ,i suppose 0 a m9ute or s1 ! face _h gone4 ,i did n see x g1 b ,i became aw>e t ,i 0 look+ only at leaves4 8,no2 !re 0 no outl9e ( leaf1 or play ( %ad[s t c\ld possibly h tak5 ! =m ( a face4 ,y c guess h[ ,i tri$ to =ce myself to believe t t 0 all2 h[ ,i turn$ my head ?is way & t to cat* x aga92 b !re 0 no h9t ( a face4 8,n[1 ,i _c tell y h[ ,i did x2 b al?\gh ,i 0 half beside myself ) fright1 ,i w5t =w>d t[>ds ! bu% & se>*$ furi\sly among ! leaves = ! body ( ! ?ru%2 & at la/ ,i f\nd x1 & lift$ x4 ,x 0 /ill limp & w>m to ! t\*4 ,its brea/ 0 a little ruffl$1 & "o t9y drop ( blood lay at ! root ( ! beak bel[ ! eyes1 l a te> ( dismay & sorr[ at su* an unm]it$1 unexpect$ dea?4 8,i c>ri$ x to ! f5ce & climb$ ov]1 & !n began to run 9 great /eps1 look+ n[ & !n awfully at ! ga!r+ gloom ( ! wood beh9d1 :]e ! laugh+ face _h mock$ ! dead4 ,i ?9k1 look+ back z ,i d n[1 t my *ief in/9ct 0 t ,i c\ld n leave ! ?ru% !re to be laugh$ at1 & t ,i mu/ get x out into ! clean1 airy mead[4 ,:5 ,i rea*$ ! middle ( ! mead[ ,i came to a pond :i* nev] ran q dry ev5 9 ! hotte/ summ]4 ,on ! bank ,i laid ! ?ru% d[n1 & !n delib]ately b ) all my =ce da%$ ! pi/ol into ! wat]2 !n empti$ my pockets ( ! c>tridges & ?rew !m 9 too4 8,!n ,i turn$ aga9 to ! pite\s little body1 feel+ t at lea/ ,i _h tri$ to make am5ds4 ,!re 0 an old rabbit hole ne>1 ! grass gr[+ d[n 9 its m\?1 & a tangle ( web & dead leaves beh9d4 ,i scoop$ a little space out among ! leaves1 & !n laid ! ?ru% !re2 ga!r$ a little ( ! s&y soil & p\r$ x ov] ! body1 say+1 ,i rememb]1 half unconsci\sly1 #8,e>? to e>?1 a%es to a%es1 9 sure & c]ta9 hope'--& !n ,i /opp$1 feel+ ,i _h be5 a little pr(ane1 ?\gh ,i d n ?9k s n[4 ,& !n ,i w5t home4 8,z ,i dress$ = d9n]1 look+ out ov] ! d>k5+ mead[ :]e ! ?ru% lay1 ,i rememb] feel+ happy t no evil ?+ c\ld mock ! def5celess dead out !re 9 ! clean mead[ :]e ! w9d blew & ! />s %one d[n40 ,we rea*$ 9 our go+ to & fro up ! yew pa? a little seat at ! end /&+ back f ! pa?4 ,opposite u hung a crucifix1 ) a p5t-h\se ov] x1 t ! old man _h put up ye>s be=e4 ,z he did n speak ,i turn$ to him1 & saw t he 0 look+ /eadily at ! ,figure on ! ,cross2 & ,i ?\ght h[ ,he :o bore our griefs & c>ri$ our sorr[s 0 "o ) ! heav5ly ,fa!r1 )\t :om n ev5 a sp>r[ falls to ! gr\nd4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,blood-,eagle ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,& ?is ,i "k3 :e!r ! "o ,true ,light ,k9dle to ,love or ,wra?--consume me q1 ,"o glimpse ( ,x )9 ! ,tav]n caught ,bett] ?an 9 ! ,temple lo/ outright40 ,om> ,khayyam4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,blood-,eagle ,,"o night :5 ,i w5t to my room ,i f\nd 9 a little %elf ne> ! w9d[ a book1 ^: title ,i n[ =get1 describ+ ! f>-(f days :5 ! religion ( ,*ri/ & ( ! gods ( ! nor? /rove toge!r 9 ,engl&4 ,i read ?is = an h\r or two be=e ,i w5t to sleep1 & aga9 z ,i 0 dress+ on ! foll[+ morn+1 & spoke ( x at breakfa/4 8,yes10 said ! old man1 8t 0 "o ( my fa!r's books4 ,i rememb] read+ x :5 ,i 0 a boy4 ,i believe x is said to be v ill-in=m$ & unsci5tific 9 ^! days4 ,my p>5ts us$ to ?9k t all religions except ,*ri/ianity 7 ( ! devil4 ,b ,i ?9k ,/4 ,paul tea*es u a l>g] hope ?an t40 ,he said no?+ m at ! "t2 b 9 ! c\rse ( ! morn+1 z ,i 0 walk+ up & d[n ! rais$ t]race t runs "u ! p9es beside ! drive1 ,i saw ! prie/ com+ t[>ds me ) a book 9 8 h&4 ,he 0 a little du/y & flu%$4 8,i w5t to look = some?+ t ,i ?\ght might int]e/ y1 aft] :at y said at breakfa/10 he began1 8& ,i h f\nd x at la/ 9 ! l(t40 ,we began to walk toge!r up & d[n4 8,a v curi\s ?+ happ5$ to me10 he said1 8:5 ,i 0 a boy4 ,i rememb] tell+ my fa!r ( x :5 ,i came home1 & x rema9$ 9 my m9d4 ,a few ye>s aft]w>ds an old pr(essor 0 /ay+ ) u2 & aft] d9n] "o night1 :5 we _h be5 talk+ ab\t :at y 7 speak+ ( at breakfa/1 my fa!r made me tell x aga91 & :5 ,i _h f9i%$ ! pr(essor ask$ me to write x d[n = him4 ,s ,i wrote x 9 ?is book fir/2 & !n made a copy & s5t x to him4 ,! book itself is a k9d ( irregul> di>y 9 :i* ,i us$ to write sometimes4 ,w\ld y c>e to he> x80 ,:5 ,i _h told him ,i %\ld l to he> ! /ory1 he began aga94 8,i mu/ fir/ tell y ! circum/ances4 ,i 0 ab\t sixte5 ye>s old4 ,my p>5ts _h gone abroad = ! holidays1 & ,i w5t to /ay ) a s*ool fri5d ( m9e at 8 home n f> f ,ascot4 ,we us$ to take our lun* ) u sometimes on bright days--= x 0 at ,*ri/mas "t--& g (f = ! day ov] ! hea!r4 ,y mu/ rememb] t ,i 0 only a s*oolboy at ! "t1 s ,i d>esay ,i exagg]at$ or elaborat$ "s ( ! details a little1 b ! ma9 facts ( ! /ory y c rely ^u4 ,%all we sit d[n :ile ,i read x80 ,!n :5 we _h seat$ ourselves on a b5* t /ood at ! end ( ! t]race1 ) ! old h\se bask+ be=e u 9 ! hot sun%9e1 he began to read4 8,ab\t six o'clock 9 ! ev5+ ( "o ( ! days t[>ds ! end ( ,janu>y1 ,jack & ,i 7 /ill w&]+ on high1 hea?y gr\nd ne> ,ascot4 ,we _h walk$ all day & _h lo/ ourselves2 b we kept go+ 9 z /raight a l9e z we c\ld1 kn[+ t 9 "t we %\ld /rike across a road4 ,we 7 r tir$ & sil5t2 b sudd5ly ,jack utt]$ an exclamation1 & !n po9t$ out a light across ! hea?4 ,we /ood a mom5t to see if x mov$1 b x rema9$ /ill4 8#8,:at is x8' ,i ask$4 #8,!re c be no h\se ne> "h4' 8#8,x's a broomsquire's cottage1 ,i expect1' said ,jack4 8,i ask$ :at t meant4 8#8,oh6 ,i don't "k exactly1' said ,jack2 #8!y're a k9d ( gypsies4' 8,we /umbl$ on across ! hea!r1 :ile ! light grew /eadily ne>]4 ,! moon 0 beg9n+ to rise1 & x 0 a cle> night1 "o ( ^? w9dless1 fro/y nights t sometimes come aft] a wet autumn4 ,jack plung$ at "o place into a hidd5 dit*1 & ,i he>d ! crackl+ ( ice z he scrambl$ out4 8#8,skat+ to-morr[1 by ,jove1' he said4 8,z we got clos] ,i began to see t we 7 approa*+ a copse ( firs2 ! hea!r began to get %ort]4 ,!n1 z ,i look$ at ! light1 ,i saw !re 0 a fix$ outl9e ( a k9d ( h\se out ( :i* x %one4 ,! w9d[ app>5tly 0 an irregul> %ape1 & ! h\se seem$ to be lean+ aga9/ a tall fir on ! outskirts ( ! copse4 ,z we got q close1 our feet noiseless on ! s(t hea!r1 ,i saw t ! h\se 0 built altoge!r r\nd ! fir1 :i* s]v$ z a k9d ( c5tral prop4 ,! h\se 0 made ( wattl$ b\ghs1 & ?at*$ heavily ) hea!r4 8,i felt m & m anxi\s ab\t x1 = ,i _h nev] he>d ( #8broomsquires1' & also1 ,i confess1 a little timid2 = ! place 0 lonely1 & we 7 only two boys4 ,i 0 lead+ n[1 & pres5tly rea*$ ! w9d[ & look$ 94 8,! walls inside 7 hung ) blankets & clo!s to keep ! w9d out2 !re 0 a long old settle 9 "o corn]1 ! floor 0 c>pet$ ) bran*es & blankets app>5tly1 & !re 0 an op5+ opposite1 p>tly clos$ by a wattl$ hurdle t lean$ aga9/ x4 ,half sitt+ & half ly+ on ! settle1 0 an old woman ) h] face hidd54 ,an oil-lamp hung f "o ( ! bran*es ( ! fir t help$ to =m ! ro(4 ,!re 0 no sign ( any o!r liv+ ?+ 9 ! place4 ,z ,i look$ ,jack came up beh9d & spoke ov] my %\ld]4 8#8,c y tell u ! way to ! ne>e/ high-road8' he ask$4 8,! old woman sat up sudd5ly1 ) a look ( fright on h] face4 ,%e 0 extraord9>ily dirty & ill-kempt4 ,i c\ld see 9 ! dim light ( ! lamp t %e _h a wr9kl$ old face1 ) sunk5 d>k eyes1 :ite eyebr[s1 & :ite hair2 & h] m\? began to mumble z %e look$ at u4 ,pres5tly %e made a viol5t ge/ure to wave u f ! w9d[4 8,jack repeat$ ! "q1 & ! old woman got up & hobbl$ quietly & crook$ly to ! door1 & 9 a mom5t %e _h come r\nd close to u4 ,i !n saw h[ v small %e 04 ,%e c\ld n h be5 five feet tall1 & 0 v mu* b5t4 ,i mu/ say aga9 t ,i felt v uneasy & />tl$ ) ?is t]rify+ old creature close to me & pe]+ up into my face4 ,%e took me by ! coat & ) h] o!r h& beckon$ quickly away 9 e direction4 ,%e seem$ to be w>n+ u away f ! copse1 b /ill %e said no?+4 8,jack grew impati5t4 8#8,deaf old fool6' he said 9 an und]tone1 & !n l\dly & sl[ly1 #8,c y tell u ! way to ! ne>e/ high-road8' 8,!n %e seem$ to und]/&1 & po9t$ vigor\sly 9 ! direction f :i* we _h come4 8#8,oh6 nons5se1' said ,jack1 #8we've come f !re4 ,come on ?is way1' he said1 #8we c't sp5d all night "h4' ,& !n he turn$ ! side ( ! little h\se & disappe>$ into ! copse4 8,! old woman dropp$ my coat 9 a mom5t1 & began to run aft] ,jack1 & ,i w5t r\nd ! o!r side ( ! h\se & saw ,jack mov+ 9 front1 = ! firs 7 sp>se at ! edge ( ! wood1 & ! moonlight filt]$ ?r\gh !m4 ,! old woman1 ,i saw z ,i turn$ into ! wood1 _h /opp$1 kn[+ %e c\ld n cat* u1 & 0 /&+ ) h] h&s /ret*$ out1 & a curi\s s\nd1 half cry & half sob came f h]4 ,i 0 a little uneasy1 because we _h n treat$ h] ) c\rtesy1 & /opp$1 b at t mom5t ,jack call$4 8#8,come on1' he said1 #8we're sure to f9d a road at ! end ( ?is4' 8,s ,i w5t on4 8,once ,i turn$ & saw ! little old woman /&+ z be=e2 & z ,i look$ betwe5 ! trees %e lift$ "o h& to h] m\? & s5t a curi\s :i/l+ cry aft] u1 t someh[ fright5$ me4 ,x seem$ too l\d = "o s small4 8,z we w5t on ! wood grew d>k]4 ,"h & !re 9 an op5 pat* !re lay a :ite spla% ( moonlight on ! fir ne$les1 & great dim spaces lay r\nd u4 ,al?\gh ! wood /ood on high gr\nd1 ! trees grew s ?ickly ab\t u t we c\ld see no?+ ( ! c\ntry r\nd4 ,n[ & !n we tripp$ on a root1 or else caught 9 a bramble1 b x seem$ to me t we 7 foll[+ a n>r[ pa? t l$ deep] & deep] into ! he>t ( ! wood4 ,sudd5ly ,jack /opp$ & lift$ 8 h&4 8#8,hu%6' he said4 8,i /opp$ too1 & we li/5$ brea?lessly4 ,!n 9 a mom5t m1---- 8#8,hu%6' he said1 #8some?+'s com+1' & he jump$ out ( ! pa? beh9d a tree1 & ,i foll[$ him4 8,!n we he>d a scuffl+ 9 front ( u & a grunt+1 & "s big creature came hurry+ d[n ! pa?4 ,z x pass$ u ,i look$1 almo/ t]rifi$ out ( my m9d1 & saw t x 0 a huge pig2 b ! ?+ t held me brea?less & sick 0 t !re ran ne>ly ! :ole l5g? ( its back a deep w\nd1 f :i* ! blood dripp$4 ,! creature1 grunt+ heavily1 tore d[n ! pa? t[>ds ! cottage1 & pres5tly ! s\nd ( x di$ away4 ,z ,i lean$ aga9/ ,jack1 ,i c\ld feel 8 arm trembl+ z x held ! tree4 8#8,oh6' he said 9 a mom5t1 #8we mu/ get out ( ?is4 ,:i* way1 :i* way8' 8,b ,i _h be5 /ill li/5+1 & held him quiet4 8#8,wait1' ,i said1 #8!re is some?+ else4' 8,out ( ! wood 9 front ( u !re came a pant+1 & ! s(t s\nds ( hobbl+ /eps along ! pa?4 ,we cr\*$ l[] & wat*$4 ,pres5tly ! figure ( a b5t old man came 9 sight1 mak+ 8 way quickly along ! pa?4 ,he seem$ />tl$ & out ( brea?4 ,8 m\? 0 mov+1 & he 0 talk+ to himself 9 a l[ voice 9 a compla9+ tone1 b 8 eyes se>*$ ! wood f side to side4 8,z he came q close to u1 z we lay h>dly d>+ to brea!1 ,i saw "o ( 8 h&s t hung 9 front ( him1 op5+ & %utt+2 & t x 0 /a9$ ) :at look$ black 9 ! moonlight4 ,he did n see u1 z by n[ we 7 hidd5 by a great bramble bu%1 & he pass$ on d[n ! pa?2 & !n all 0 sil5t aga94 8,:5 a few m9utes _h pass$ 9 p]fect /illness1 we got up & w5t on1 b nei!r ( u c>$ to walk 9 ! pa? d[n :i* ^? two t]rible dripp+ ?+s _h come2 & we w5t /umbl+ ov] ! brok5 gr\nd1 keep+ a p>allel c\rse to ! pa? = ab\t ano!r two hundr$ y>ds4 ,jack _h begun to recov] himself1 & ev5 began to talk & laugh at be+ fright5$ at a pig & an old man4 ,he told me aft]w>ds t he _h n se5 ! old man's h&4 8,!n ! pa? began to lead uphill4 ,at ?is po9t ,i sudd5ly /opp$ ,jack4 8#8,d y see no?+8' ,i ask$4 8,n[ ,i sc>cely rememb] :at ,i said or did4 ,b ?is is :at my fri5d told me aft]w>ds4 ,jack said !re 0 no?+ b a little ris+ gr\nd 9 front1 f :i* ! trees /ood back4 8#8,d y see no?+ on ! top ( ! m\nd8 ,out 9 ! op51 :]e ! moonlight falls on h]8' 8,jack told me aft]w>ds t he ?\ght ,i _h gone sudd5ly mad1 & grew fright5$ himself4 8#8,d y n see a woman /&+ !re8 ,%e has long yell[ hair 9 two braids2 %e has ?ick gold bracelets on h] b>e arms4 ,%e has a tunic1 b\nd by a girdle1 & x comes bel[ h] knees3 & %e has r$ jewels 9 h] hair1 on h] belt1 on h] bracelets2 & h] eyes %9e 9 ! moonlight3 & %e is wait+1--wait+ = t :i* has escap$4' 8,n[ ,jack tells me t :5 ,i said ?is ,i fell flat on my face1 ) my h&s /ret*$ out1 & began to talk3 b he said he c\ld n und]/& a ^w ,i said4 ,he himself look$ /eadily at ! ris+ gr\nd1 b !re 0 no?+ to be se5 !re3 !re 7 ! fir-trees /&+ 9 a circle r\nd x1 & a b>e space 9 ! middle1 f :i* ! hea!r 0 gone1 & t 0 all4 ,?is m\nd w\ld be ab\t fifte5 y>ds f u4 8,i lay !re1 said ,jack1 a few m9utes1 & !n sat up & look$ ab\t me4 ,!n ,i rememb]$ = myself t ,i _h se5 ! pig & ! old man1 b no?+ m3 b ,i 0 t]rifi$ at ! remembrance1 & insi/$ ^u our /rik+ out a new c\rse ?r\gh ! wood1 & leav+ ! m\nd to our left4 ,i did n "k myself :y ! m\nd fright5$ me1 b ,i d>$ n g ne> x4 ,jack wisely did n say any?+ m ab\t x until aft]w>ds4 ,we pres5tly f\nd our way out ( ! copse1 /ruck across ! hea? = ano!r half-mile or s1 & !n came across a road :i* ,jack knew1 & s we came home4 8,:5 we told our /ory1 & ,jack1 to my a/oni%m5t1 _h add$ ! "p ( :i* ,i myself _h no remembrance1 ,jack's fa!r did n say v mu*2 b he took u next day to id5tify ! place4 ,to our int5se surprise ! h\se ( ! broomsquire 0 gone2 !re 7 ! trampl$ bran*es r\nd ! tree1 & ! smok$ bran* f :i* ! oil lamp _h hung1 & ! a%es ( a wood-fire outside ! h\se1 b no sign ( ! old man or 8 wife4 ,z we w5t along ! pa?1 n[ 9 ! *e]ful fro/y sun%9e1 we f\nd d>k spla%es "h & !re on ! brambles1 b !y 7 dry & col\rless4 ,!n we came to ! m\nd4 8,i grew uneasy aga9 z we came to x1 b 0 a%am$ to %[ my fe> 9 ! broad daylight4 8,on ! top we f\nd a curi\s ?+1 :i* ,jack's fa!r told u 0 "o ( ! old cu/oms ( ! broomsquires1 t no "o 0 altoge!r able to expla94 ,! gr\nd 0 %ovell$ away1 s z to =m a k9d ( slop+ passage d[nw>ds into ! e>?4 ,! passage 0 n m ?an five y>ds long2 & at ! end ( x1 j :]e x 0 cov]$ by ! gr\nd ov]head1 0 a sort ( alt>1 made ( e>? & /ones beat5 flat2 & pla/]$ into its surface 7 bits ( old *9a & glass4 ,b :at />tl$ u 0 to f9d a d>k pat* ( some?+ :i* _h soak$ deep into ! gr\nd be=e ! alt>4 ,x 0 /ill damp40 ,:5 ! old man _h read s f>1 he laid d[n ! book4 8,:5 ,i told all ?is to ! ,pr(essor10 he said1 8he seem$ v deeply int]e/$4 ,he told u1 ,i rememb]1 t ! w\nd on ! pig id5tifi$ ! nature ( ! sacrifice t ! old man _h begun to (f]4 ,he call$ x a #8blood-eagle1' & add$ "s details :i* ,i w n disgu/ y )4 ,he said too t ! broomsquire _h confus$ two rites--t only human sacrifices %\ld be (f]$ z #8blood-eagles4' ,9 fact x all seem$ p]fectly famili> to him3 & he said m ?an ,i c ei!r rememb] or v]ify40 8,& ! woman on ! ris+ gr\nd80 ,i ask$4 8,well10 said ! old man1 smil+1 8! ,pr(essor w\ld n li/5 to my evid5ce ab\t t4 ,he accept$ ! e>ly "p ( ! /ory1 & simply decl9$ to pay any att5tion to ! woman4 ,he said ,i _h be5 read+ ,norse tales1 or 0 dream+4 ,he ev5 h9t$ t ,i 0 romanc+4 ,"u o!r circum/ances ?is me?od ( treat+ evid5ce w\ld be call$ #8,high] ,criticism1' ,i believe40 8,b x's all a brutal & disgu/+ wor%ip10 ,i said4 8,yes1 yes10 said ! old man1 8v brutal & disgu/+2 b is x n v mu* high] & bett] ?an ! ,pr(essor's fai?8 ,he 0 only a skill$ ,rituali/ aft] all1 y see40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,ov] ! ,gateway ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8--,= fai?1 t1 :5 my ne$ is sore1 ,gleams f a p>tly-op5 door1 ,& %[s ! firelight on ! floor--0 ,a ,canticle ( ,common ,?+s4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,ov] ! ,gateway ,,we 7 sitt+ toge!r "o morn+ 9 ! common sitt+-room 9 ! c5tre ( ! h\se4 ,!re _h be5 a fall ( ra9 dur+ ! night1 & x 0 ?\ght bett] t ! old man %\ld n sit 9 ! g>d5 until ! sun _h dri$ ! e>?--s we sat indoors in/ead1 b ) ! great door wide op51 t look$ on to a rectangle ( lawn t lay be=e ! h\se4 ,once a drive _h l$ to ?is door ?r\gh a gate ) p$e/als & /one balls1 t /ood exactly opposite1 ab\t fifte5 y>ds away1 b ! drive _h long be5 grass$ ov]2 al?\gh ev5 n[ x %[$ fa9tly "u two slight ridges 9 ! grass t ran f ! gate to ! door4 ,o!rwise ! lawn 0 enclos$ by a l[ old brick wall1 almo/ hidd5 by a weal? ( ivy1 aga9/ :i* %[$ 9 ri* masses ( col\r ! heads ( purple & yell[ irises & tawny wallfl[]s4 ,! old man _h be5 sil5t at breakfa/4 ,he _h (f]$ ! ,holy ,sacrifice z usual t morn+ 9 ! little *apel up/airs1 & ,i _h notic$ at ! "t ev5 t he seem$ pre-occupi$3 & at breakfa/ he _h talk$ v little1 lett+ e subject drop z ,i sugge/$ x2 & ,i _h und]/ood at la/ t 8 ?\ghts 7 f> away 9 ! pa/2 & ,i did n wi% to tr\ble him4 ,we 7 sitt+ 9 two tall c>v$ *airs at ! doorway1 8 feet 7 wrapp$ 9 a rug1 & 8 eyes 7 look+ /eadily & m\rnfully out across t[>ds ! iron-"w gate 9 ! wall4 ,tall grasses ( ! pat* ( uncut mead[ outside lean$ aga9/ x or pu%$ _! fea!ry heads ?r\gh x2 & ,i saw pres5tly t ! prie/ 0 look+ at ! gate1 lett+ 8 eyes rove ov] e detail ( climb+ plant1 iron-"w & ! old brickwork--& n1 z ,i _h at fir/ ?\ght1 m]ely gaz+ into ! dim di/ances ( ! ye>s beh9d him4 ,sudd5ly he broke ! long sil5ce4 8,did ,i ev] tell y10 he ask$1 8ab\t :at ,i saw out !re 9 ! g>d58 ,x looks ord9>y en\gh n[3 yet ,i saw !re :at ,i suppose ,i %all nev] see aga9 on ?is side ( dea?1 or at lea/ n until ,i am 9 ! v gate ( dea? itself40 ,i too look$ out at ! gate4 ,! atmosph]e 0 full ( t 8cle> %9+ aft] ra90 ( :i* ,k+ ,david sang--x 0 air made visible & radiant by ! union ( light & wat]1 ^? two mo/ joy\s creatures ( ,god4 ,a great *e/nut tree blott$ out all beyond ! gate4 8,tell me if y c10 ,i said4 8,y "k h[ ,i love to he> ^? /ories40 8,ye>s ago1 z p]haps y "k1 n long aft] my ord9ation ,i 0 work+ 9 ,london4 ,my fa!r liv$ "h !n1 z 8 fa!r be=e him4 ,t coat ( arms 9 ! c5tre ( t iron gate 0 put up by him soon aft] he succe$$ to ! prop]ty4 ,i us$ to come d[n "h n[ & !n = a brea? ( c\ntry air4 ,i h>dly rememb] any pleasure s ke5 z ! pleasure ( com+ into ?is glori\s c\ntry air out ( ! smoke & noise ( ,london--or ( ly+ awake at night ) ! ru/le ( ! p9es outside my w9d[ in/ead ( ! ceaseless human tumult ( ! t[n4 8,well1 ,i came d[n "h once1 sudd5ly1 on a summ] ev5+1 be>+ heavy news4 ,i ne$ n g into details2 x w\ld be useless to d t--b x w be en\gh to say t ! news did n p]sonally affect me or my family4 ,x 0 a curi\s s]ies ( circum/ances t l$ me to be ! be>] ( su* news at all--b x 0 to a lady :o happ5$ by ! m]e/ *ance to be /ay+ ) my family4 ,i sc>cely knew h] at all--9 fact ,i _h only se5 h] once be=e4 ,! news _h come to my e>s 9 ,london1 & ,i _h he>d t ! "o :om x mo/ conc]n$ did n "k x--& t !y d>$ n write or telegraph4 ,i volunte]$ ( c\rse to take ! news myself4 8,x 0 ) a v heavy he>t t ,i walk$ up f ! /ation--! road seem$ intol]ably %ort4 ,i may say t ,i knew t ! news w\ld be he>t-break+ to h] :o _h to he> x4 ,i came 9 by ! gate at ! end ( ! av5ue0 7he wav$ 8 h& r\nd to ! "r7 8& pass$ "r d[n to ! back ( ! h\se1 beh9d u4 ,?is door at :i* we are sitt+ _h be5 ! front door1 b ! drive _h j be5 turf$ ov]1 & we us$ ! door at ! back in/ead1 & ?is lawn "h 0 v mu* z y see x n[1 only ! drive /ill %[$ pla9ly l a long n>r[ grave across ! grass4 8,z ,i came 9 ?r\gh ! door at ! back1 %e 0 com+ out1 ) a book & a basket-*air to sit 9 ! g>d54 ,my he>t gave a t]rible ?rob ( pa9--= ,i knew t by ! "t my bus9ess 0 done !re w\ld be no ?\ght ( a quiet ev5+ 9 ! g>d51 & t look ( s]5e happ9ess w\ld be wip$ out ( h] face--& all ?r\gh :at ,i _h to say4 ,= a mom5t %e did n recognise me 9 ! d>k entry & /ood back z ,i came 91 & !n---- 8#8,:y x is y1' %e said2 #8y h come home4 ,i did n "k y 7 expect$4' 8,i brea!d a mom5t /eadily to recov] myself4 8#8,i 0 n expect$1' ,i said2 & !n1 aft] a mom5t3 #8,may ,i speak to y8' 8#8,speak to me8 ,:y1 c]ta9ly4 ,9 ! g>d5 or "h8' 8#8,9 "h1' ,i answ]$1 & w5t pa/ h] & pu%$ op5 ! door into ?is room4 8,%e came pa/ me1 & /ood "h by ! door /ill hold+ ! book1 ) h] f+] betwe5 ! leaves4 8,n[ y are wond]+1 ,i expect1 :y ,i did n get "s o!r woman to break ! news to h]4 ,well1 ,i _h debat$ t ev] s9ce ,i _h volunte]$ to be ! be>] ( ^! tid+s3 & p>tly because ,i 0 afraid ( be+ c[>dly--call x pride if y w--& p>tly = o!r reasons :i* ,i ne$ n m5tion1 ,i felt ,i 0 b\nd to fulfil my promise lit]ally4 ,x might be1 ,i ?\ght too1 t %e w\ld pref] ! news to be kn[n by z few p z possible4 ,at lea/1 :e!r ,i judg$ rightly or wrongly1 "h 0 my task be=e me4 8,%e /ood !re10 ! old man w5t on1 po9t+ to ! doorpo/ on ! "r1 8& ,i "h10 & he po9t$ a y>d fur!r back1 8& ! door 0 wide op5 z x is n[1 & ! fragrant ev5+ air p\r$ pa/ u into ! room4 ,h] face w\ld be p>tly 9 %ad[2 b 9 h] eyes !re 0 j a dawn+ wond] at my abruptness1 ) p]haps ! fa9te/ t+e ( anxiety1 b no m4 8#8,i h come1' ,i said sl[ly1 look+ out into ! g>d51 #8on a v h>d err&4' ,i c\ld n g on4 ,i turn$ & look$ at h]4 ,ah6 ! anxiety _h deep5$ a little4 #8,&--& x conc]ns y & y\r happ9ess4' ,i look$ aga91 & ,i rememb] h[ h] face _h *ang$4 ,h] lips 7 a little op51 & h] eyes %one wide op51 half 9 %ad[ & half 9 light1 & !re 7 new & t]rible little l9es on h] =ehead4 ,& !n ,i told h]4 8,x 0 done 9 a s5t5ce or two1 & :5 ,i look$ aga9 h] lips _h clos$ & h] h& _h cl5*$ itself into ! m\ld+ ( ! doorpo/4 ,i c see h] r+s n[ blaz+ 9 ! light t p\r$ ov] ! *e/nut tree 7x 0 l[] !n7 into ! room4 ,!n h] lips mov$ once or twice--h] h& uncl5*$ itself hesitat+ly--& %e w5t /eadily across ! room4 ,!re 0 a great s(a !re !n1 & :5 %e rea*$ x %e ?rew h]self face d[nw>ds across ! arm & back4 8,& ,i wait$ at ! doorway1 look+ out at ! iron gate4 ,sorr[ 0 new to me !n4 ,i _h n le>nt to und]/& x !n1 or to be quiet "u x4 ,& z ,i look$ ,i knew only t !re 0 a t]rible /ruggle go+ on 9 ! room beh9d4 ,!re 9 front ( me 0 a g>d5 full ( peace & sweetness & ! s(t gl[ ( sunset light2 & !re beh9d me 0 some?+ v l hell--& ,i /ood betwe5 ! liv+ & ! dead4 8,!n ,i rememb]$ t ,i 0 a prie/1 & ought to be able to say some?+--j a ^w ( ! ,div9e message t ! ,savi\r br\ght--b ,i c\ld n4 ,i felt ,i 0 9 deep wat]s4 ,ev5 ,god seem$ f> away1 intol]ably s]5e & alo(2 & ,i long$ ) all my p[] = a human p]son to pray & to be> a little ( t /rife beh9d me1 f :i* ,i felt sep>at$ by s wide a gulf4 ,& !n ,god gave me ! cle> vision aga94 8,y see ! iron gate10 ! old man w5t on1 po9t+4 8,well1 "r betwe5 ^? po/s1 b a little above !m1 outl9$ cle>ly aga9/ ! *e/nut tree1 beyond1 0 ! figure ( a man4 8,n[ ,i d n "k h[ to expla9 myself1 b ,i 0 consci\s t across ?is mat]ial _w ( light & col\r !re cut a plane ( ! spiritual _w1 & t :]e ! planes cross$ ,i c\ld look ?r\gh & see :at 0 beyond4 ,x 0 l smoke cutt+ across a sunbeam4 ,ea* made ! o!r visible4 8,well1 ?is figure ( a man1 !n1 0 kneel+ 9 ! air1 t is ! only way ,i c describe x--8 face 0 turn$ t[>ds me1 b upw>ds4 ,n[ ! mo/ curi\s ?+ t /ruck me at ! "t 0 t he 01 z x 71 lean+ at a %>p angle to "o side2 b x did n appe> to be grotesque4 ,in/ead ! _w seem$ tilt$2 ! *e/nut tree 0 out ( ! p]p5dicul>2 ! wall out ( ! horizontal4 ,! true level 0 t ( ! man4 8,i "k ?is s\nds fooli%1 b x %[$ me h[ ! _w ( spirits 0 ! real _w1 & ! _w ( s5se comp>atively unreal1 j z ! sorr[ ( ! woman beh9d me 0 m real ?an ! beams ov]head4 8,& aga91 comp>$ ) ! kneel+ figure1 ! *e/nut tree & ! gate seem$ unsub/antial & %ad[y4 ,i "k t m5 :o see visions tell u t x is usually ! o!r way4 ,all ,i c say is t x 0 n s ) me4 ,?is figure 0 kneel+1 z ,i h said2 8 robe /ream$ away beh9d him--a great cloak--drawn tightly back f ! %\ld]s1 z if he 7 battl+ ) a /rong w9d--! ,w9d ( ,grace1 ,i suppose1 t always bl[s f ! ,?rone4 ,8 arms 7 /ret*$ out 9 front ( him1 b op5$ suffici5tly to let me see 8 face2 & 8 face w be ) me till ,i die1 & please ,god aft]w>ds4 ,x 0 be>dless1 & bore ! unmi/akable "* ( a prie/'s face4 8,n[ y "k h[ close ! int5se/ pa9 & ! int5se/ joy lie toge!r4 ,_! l9es s ne>ly meet4 ,9 ?is man's face !y did meet4 ,angui% & ec/asy 7 "o4 ,8 eyes 7 op51 8 lips p>t$4 ,i c\ld n tell :e!r he 0 old or "y4 ,8 face 0 ageless1 z ! faces ( all are :o look ^u ,him :o inhabits et]nity4 ,he 0 pray+4 ,i c say no m ?an t4 ,he _h op5$ 8 he>t to ?is woman's sorr[4 ,he _h made x 8 own3 & x met !re1 9 petition if y wi% to call x s1 or 9 resignation if y pref] t "n = x1 or 9 adoration--y may call x :at y w--all t is true1 b ea* is inadequate--b t sorr[ met !re ) 8 own purifi$ w1 :i* itself _h become "o ) ! et]nal w ( ,god4 ,i tell y ,i "k x4 8,i look$ at him1 & 9 my e>s 0 a sobb+ f ! room beh9d2 b z ,i look$ ! glory ( angui% deep5$ on 8 face1 & ! sobb+ beh9d me slack5$ & ceas$1 & ,i he>d a :isp]+ & ! "n ( ,god & ( ,8 ,son1 & !n ! sight be=e me _h pass$2 & !re /ood ! *e/nut tree aga9 z real & z beautiful z be=e2 & :5 ,i turn$ ! woman 0 /&+ up1 & ! light ( conque/ 0 9 h] eyes4 8,%e held out h] h& to me1 & ,i /oop$ & kiss$ x1 b ,i d>$ n take x 9 my own1 = %e _h be5 9 heav5ly places4 ,i _h se5 h] sorr[ c>ri$ & laid be=e ! ?rone ( ,god by "o great] ?an ei!r ( u1 & some?+ ( 8 glory re/$ ^u h]40 ,! old man's voice ceas$4 ,:5 ,i turn$ to look at him he 0 look+ /eadily aga9 at ! iron gate 9 ! wall1 & 8 eyes 7 %9+ l ! radiant air outside4 8,i d n "k10 he said 9 a mom5t1 8:e!r %e is alive or dead1 b ,i (f]$ ! ,holy ,sacrifice ?is morn+ = h] peace 9 ei!r /ate40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,po5a ,damni ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,all _! s9s /& be=e !m1 & produce 9 _! ess5ces remorse1 et]nal despair & a ho/ile w aga9/ ,god4 ,= su* a s\l !re is no rem$y4 ,x _c come into ! light ( ,god4444 ,ev5 if ,/4 ,pet] _h left _m ?\s& keys ^u e>?1 n a s+le "o ( !m c\ld op5 ,heav5 = x40 ,a ,g]man ,my/ic4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,po5a ,damni ,,we 7 sitt+ at d9n] "o ev5+ :5 ! prie/1 :o _h be5 talkative1 seem$ to fall into a pa9ful tra9 ( ?\ght t sil5c$ him4 ,he grew m & m ill at ease1 & 0 obvi\sly reliev$ :5 ,i ?rew my cig>ette away & he 0 able to propose a move to ! next room4 ,pres5tly 8 di/ress seem$ to pass2 & !n1 z we sat ne> ! fireplace1 he expla9$ himself4 8,i mu/ ask y\r p>don10 he said1 8b someh[ ,i fell into a v dreadful tra9 ( ?\ght4 ,x 0 sugge/$ to me1 ,i ?9k1 by ! r$ lamp on ! table & ! ev5+ light ?r\gh ! w9d[s1 & ! silv] & glass4 7,y "k ! p[] ( association67 ,i w5t ?r\gh "o ( ! mo/ fe>ful mom5ts ( my life "u j ^? circum/ances40 ,i 0 sil5t1 z ! prie/ seem$ to h m to say4 8,x has affect$ my n]ves10 he said1 8& x w\ld be r a relief to tell y4 ,w\ld y m9d if ,i did s80 ,on my assurance t x w\ld greatly int]e/ me1 he began4 8,x is a fa%ion among ^? :o d n really accept ,revelation z revelation to believe 9 a k9d ( ,univ]salism4 ,q ap>t f au?ority1 ?is doctr9e contrav5es1 z y ( c\rse "k1 ! reality ( man's free w4 ,! incid5t ( :i* ,i wi% to tell y conc]ns ! way 9 :i* ,i fir/ caught a glimpse ( t = myself4 8,a good _m ye>s ago ,i made ! acqua9tance ( a man 9 ! ,we/ ( ,engl&1 "u circum/ances t ,i ne$ n describe fur!r ?an say+ t he seem$ to h confid5ce 9 me4 ,he ask$ me to /ay ) him 9 8 c\ntry h\se1 & ,i w5t d[n f ,london = ! inside ( a week4 ,i f\nd him liv+ ! usual c\ntry life1 fi%+ & s =?2 = x 0 summ] :5 ,i visit$ him4 ,x 0 a f9e old h\se t he liv$ 91 surr\nd$ by cov]ts4 ,he _h a *>m+ wife & two or ?ree *ildr51 & at fir/ ,i ?\ght him extremely happy & cont5t$4 8,!n ,i ?\ght t ,i notic$ t ?+s 7 n s well ) him4 ,! cottages on 8 e/ate 7 ill-c>$ =1 & t is always a bad sign4 ,f "o or two small signs1 su* z y c guess1 ,i f\nd t ! tone among 8 s]vants 0 n :at x %\ld be2 & "o or two horrid pieces ( cruelty came "u my notice4 ,i "k ?is s\nds z if ,i 7 a sort ( spy1 gre$y = in=mation2 b all t ,i c say is1 t ^! signs 7 unmi/akable & obvi\s1 & came to me1 ( c\rse1 uns\ght & unexpect$4 ,!n ,i saw t 8 dome/ic relations 7 n "r4 ,i d n "k h[ else to describe all ?is ?an by say+ t !re seem$ a k9d ( blight ^u 8 surr\nd+s4 ,no?+ 0 absolutely wrong1 & yet all 0 j wrong4 8,at fir/ ,i ?\ght t ,i myself 0 depress$ or jaundic$ 9 "s way2 b at la/ ,i c\ld n cont9ue to believe t2 & on ! ,friday ( my /ay1 ! la/ day1 ,i became f9ally c]ta9 t some?+ 0 horribly wrong ) ! man himself4 ,!n t ev5+ he op5$ 8 he>t to me1 s f> z x 0 possible = him to d s4 8,8 wife1 ) ! two daught]s1 _h left u aft] dess]t & gone into ! g>d51 & we rema9$ 9 ! d9+-room4 ,! w9d[s look$ to ! we/1 across a smoo? slop+ lawn1 ) ! lake at ! end2 beyond t rose up a delicate bir* wood1 & beyond t aga9 a s(t gre5 sky1 :]e ! sun _h set1 deep5+ into a liquid ev5+ blue ov]head1 9 :i* a /> or two glimm]$4 ,i c\ld see1 z ,i look$ out1 ! :ite figures ( 8 wife & daught]s aga9/ ! %9+ surface ( ! lake at ! end ( ! lawn4 8,aft] he _h lit 8 cig>ette1 & _h a glass or two ( w9e1 sudd5ly he op5$ 8 he>t to me1 & told me an appall+ /ory t ,i c\ld n tell y4 ,i sat & wat*$ 8 /rong s9ewy h& rise & fall ) ! cig>ette1 "u ! r$ lamp-light2 ,i glanc$ at 8 quiet well-br$ face ) ! d[nca/ eyes & ! long m\/a*e1 & ,i wond]$ :e!r x 0 possible really = su* a tale to be true2 b he spoke ) a re/ra9$ conviction t left no room = d\bt4 ,:at ,i ga!r$ f ! /ory 0 ?is2--t he _h id5tifi$ himself1 8 :ole w1 8 :ole life practically1 ) ! cause ( ,satan4 ,i c\ld n detect z he talk$ t he _h ev] s]i\sly attempt$ to deta* himself f t cause4 ,x has be5 said t a sa9t is "o :o always *ooses ! bett] ( ! two c\rses op5 to him at e /ep2 s f> z ,i c\ld see ?is man _h always *os5 ! worse ( ! two c\rses4 ,:5 he _h done ?+s t y & ,i w\ld ?9k "r1 he _h always done !m = "s bad reason4 ,he _h be5 cont9u\sly aw>e1 too1 ( :at 0 happ5+4 ,i d n ?9k t ,i h ev] he>d su* a skilful self-analysis4 ,n[ & !n1 z ,i saw ! gulf ( despair t[>ds :i* 8 talk 0 lead+1 ,i int]rupt$ him1 sugge/+ alleviations ( ! horror--sugge/+ t he 0 pessimi/ic--t he _h act$ (t5 "u misconceptions--& ! l2 b he always met me ) a quiet answ] t sil5c$ me4 ,9 fact10 said ! prie/1 :o 0 beg9n+ to tremble a little1 8,i h nev] ?\ght x possible t a he>t c\ld be s corrupt & yet reta9 s mu* k & feel+4 8,:5 he _h f9i%$ 8 /ory he look$ at me = a mom5t1 & !n said3 8#8,lately ,i h se5 :at ,i h lo/1 & :at ,i %all lose2 & ,i h told y ?is to ask if ! ,*ri/ian ,gospel has any hope = su* z ,i am4' 8,( c\rse ,i answ]$ z a ,*ri/ian prie/ mu/ answ]1 = ,i hone/ly ?\ght t "h 0 ! greate/ miracle ( ,god's grace t ,i _h ev] se54 ,:5 ,i _h f9i%$ ,i lift$ my eyes f ! clo? & look$ up4 ,8 f+]s1 :ile ,i 0 speak+1 _h be5 play+ ) an apo/le spoon1 b z ,i look$ up he look$ up too1 & our eyes met40 ,z ! prie/ said ?is1 he got up1 & lean$ 8 head aga9/ ! high oak mantelpiece1 & 0 sil5t a mom5t4 ,!n he w5t on3 8,god =give me if ,i 0 wrong--if ,i am wrong n[--b ?is is :at ,i ?9k ,i saw4 8,out ( 8 eyes look$ a lo/ s\l4 ,z a symbol1 or a sign1 too1 8 eyes %one sudd5ly ) t dull r$ light t y may see sometimes 9 a dog's eyes4 ,x 0 ! po5a damni ( :i* ,i _h read1 :i* %one !re4 ,x 0 true1 z he _h said1 t he 0 see+ cle>ly :at he _h lo/ & w\ld lose2 x 0 ! gate ( heav5 op5+ to "o :o c\ld n ent] 94 ,x 0 ! *9k ( light "u ! door to "o :o cri$1 #8,"l1 ,"l1 op5 to me1' b ?r\gh ! door !re came t answ]1 #8,i "k y n4' ,ah6 x 0 n t he _h nev] kn[n be=e :at ,god 01 & ,8 s]vice & love2 x 0 j 8 condemnation t he _h kn[n3 t he _h se51 n once or twice b aga9 & aga91 ! two ways1 & _h1 n once nor twice b aga9 & aga91 *os5 ! worse ( ^? two2 & n[ he 0 p[]less4 8,i tell y ,i saw ?is = a mom5t4 ,!re 0 ?is human face1 s well-br$1 ) its delicate l9es1 look+ almo/ e!real 9 ! s(t r$ light ( ! lamp3 beh9d him1 betwe5 ! w9d[s hung a portrait ( an ance/or1 "s old ,c>ol9e div9e 9 ruff & b&s4 ,?r\gh ! w9d[s 0 t sweet glory ( ev5+--) ! ?ree figures by ! lake4 ,"h1 betwe5 u1 0 ! delicate soo?+ luxury ( cleanl9ess & coolness & refre%m5t1 su* z glass & silv] & fruit sugge/3 & !re = "o second 9 ?is frame ( beauty & peace look$ ! eyes ( "o :o desir$ ev5 a drop ( liv+ wat] to cool 8 tongue1 = he 0 torm5t$ 9 a flame4 8,& ,i saw all ?is2 & !n ! room began to swim & :irl1 & ! table to tilt & sway1 & ,i fell1 ,i suppose1 =w>d1 & sank d[n on to ! floor4 ,:5 ,i recov]$ !re 7 ! m5 9 ! room1 & ! anxi\s face ( my ho/ look+ d[n on me4 8,i _h to return to t[n ! next morn+4 ,i wrote to him a long lett] ! foll[+ week1 say+ t ,i _h be5 ill on ! ev5+ on :i* he _h giv5 me 8 confid5ce3 & t ,i _h n said all t ,i c\ld say3 & ,i w5t on1 giv+ ! lie to :at ,i _h ?\ght ,i _h se51 speak+ to him z ,i %\ld speak to any s\l :o 0 we>y ( s9 & desir$ ,god4 8,inde$ ,i ?\ght x mo/ possible1 z ,i wrote ! lett]1 t ,i _h _h a horrible delusion2 & t all c\ld be well ) him4 ,i got an answ] ( a few l9es1 say+ t he mu/ apologise = hav+ tr\bl$ me ) su* a /ory2 add+ t he _h greatly exagg]at$ 8 own s92 t he too _h be5 ov]-excit$ & unwell3 & t he too tru/$ 9 a ,god ( ,love--& begg+ me n to ref] to ! conv]sation aga940 ,! prie/ sat d[n aga94 8,n[ y may ( c\rse accept ?is v]sion ( x1 if y w4 ,i only w\ld to ,god t ,i c\ld too40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,consolatrix ,afflictorum0 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,%\ld x be burd5some = !e 444 %e w = ?y sake h]self raise me up :5 ,i *ance to fall1 & console me :5 sorr[+40 ,/4 ,le&] ( ,seville4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,consolatrix ,afflictorum0 ,,! foll[+ lett] w expla9 itself4 ,! orig9al 0 read to me by my fri5d on "o ( ^? days dur+ my /ay ) him2 & he all[$ me1 at my reque/1 to make a copy4 ,! s]mon ref]r$ to 9 ! fir/ s5t5ce ( ! lett] 0 prea*$ 9 a =eign wat]+-place on ,*ri/mas ,day4 8,,villa---- 8,decemb] #bi1 #ah-- 8,rev]5d & ,de> ,sir1 8,i li/5$ ) great att5tion to y\r s]mon on ,*ri/mas ,day2 ,i am gett+ on 9 ye>s1 & ,i am an invalid2 s y w und]/& t ,i h few fri5ds--& ,i ?9k none :o w\ld n ?9k me mad if ,i told !m ! /ory t ,i am propos+ to tell y4 ,= _m ye>s ,i h be5 sil5t on ?is subject2 s9ce x always us$ to be receiv$ ) incr$ulity4 ,b ,i fancy t y w n be incr$ul\s4 ,z ,i wat*$ y & li/5$ to y on ,*ri/mas ,day1 ,i ?\ght ,i saw 9 y "o to :om ! sup]natural 0 m ?an a beautiful & symbolical fairy-/ory1 & "o :o held x n impossible t ?is unse5 %\ld sometimes manife/ itself4 ,z y rem9d$ u1 ! ,religion ( ! ,inc>nation re/s on ! fact t ! ,inf9ite & ! ,et]nal expresses ,himself 9 t]ms ( space & "t2 & t x is 9 ?is t ! greatness ( ! ,love ( ,god consi/s4 ,s9ce !n1 z y said1 ! ,creation1 ! ,inc>nation1 & ! ,sacram5tal ,sy/em alike1 9 v>i\s degree1 are ! manife/ation ( ,god "u ^! conditions1 surely x _c be #8mat]iali/ic' 7:atev] t exactly means71 to believe t ! #8spiritual' _w & ! p]sonages t inhabit x sometimes express !mselves 9 ! same mann] z _! ,mak]4 ,h[ev]1 w y h pati5ce ) me :ile ,i tell y ?is /ory8 ,i _c believe t su* a grace %\ld be kept 9 d>kness4 8,i 0 ab\t sev5 ye>s old :5 my "m di$1 & my fa!r left me *iefly to ! c>e ( s]vants4 ,ei!r ,i mu/ h be5 a difficult *ild1 or my nurse mu/ h be5 a h>d woman3 b ,i nev] gave h] my confid5ce4 ,i _h clung to my "m z a sa9t cl+s to ,god3 & :5 ,i lo/ h]1 x ne>ly broke my he>t4 ,night aft] night ,i us$ to lie awake1 ) ! firelight 9 ! room1 rememb]+ h[ %e w\ld look 9 on h] way to b$2 :5 at la/ ,i slept x seems to me n[ z if ,i nev] did any?+ b dream ( h]2 & x 0 only to wake aga9 to t desolate empt9ess4 ,i w\ld torture myself by clos+ my eyes1 & fancy+ %e 0 !re2 & !n op5+ !m & see+ ! room empty4 ,i w\ld turn & toss & sob )\t a s\nd4 ,i suppose t ,i 0 z ne> ! limit t divides sanity f madness z x is possible to be4 ,dur+ ! day ,i w\ld sit on ! /airs :5 ,i c\ld get away f my nurse1 & pret5d t my "m's foot/eps 7 mov+ ov]head1 t h] door op5$1 t ,i he>d h] dress on ! c>pet3 aga9 ,i w\ld op5 my eyes1 & 9 self-cruelty compel myself to und]/& t %e 0 gone4 ,!n aga9 ,i w\ld tell myself t x 0 all "r3 t %e 0 away = ! day1 b w\ld come back at night4 ,9 ! ev5+s ,i w\ld be happi]1 z ! "t = h] return drew ne>]2 ev5 :5 ,i said my pray]s ,i w\ld look =w>d to ! mom5t1 into :i* ,i _h *eat$ myself 9 believ+1 :5 ! door w\ld op51 aft] ,i 0 9 b$1 & my "m look 94 ,!n z ! "t pass$1 my false fai? w\ld break d[n1 & ,i w\ld sob myself to sleep1 dream ( h]1 & sob myself awake aga94 ,z ,i look back x appe>s to me z if ?is w5t on = mon?s3 ,i suppose1 h[ev]1 9 reality1 x c\ld n h be5 m ?an a v few weeks1 or my reason w\ld h giv5 way4 ,& at la/ ,i 0 caught on ! edge ( ! precipice1 & drawn lov+ly back to safety & peace4 8,i us$ to sleep alone 9 ! night-nurs]y at ?is "t1 & my nurse occupi$ a room op5+ out ( x4 ,! night-nurs]y _h two doors1 "o at ! foot ( my b$1 & "o at ! fur!r end ( ! room1 9 ! corn] diagonally opposite to t 9 :i* ! head ( my b$ /ood4 ,! fir/ op5$ ^u ! l&+1 & ! second into my nurse's room1 & ?is latt] 0 g5]ally kept a few in*es op54 ,!re 0 no light 9 my room1 b a night-light 0 kept burn+ 9 ! nurse's room1 s t ev5 )\t ! firelight my room 0 n 9 total d>kness4 8,i 0 ly+ awake "o night 7,i suppose x w\ld be ab\t elev5 o'clock71 hav+ gone ?r\gh a dreadful h\r or two ( mis]y1 half-wak+ & half-sleep+4 ,i _h be5 cry+ quietly1 = fe> my nurse %\ld he> ?r\gh ! p>tly op5$ door1 bury+ my hot face 9 ! pill[4 ,i 0 feel+ really exhau/$1 li/5+ to my own he>t1 & *eat+ myself into ! half-fai? t its ?robs 7 ! foot/eps ( my "m com+ t[>ds my room2 ,i _h rais$ my face & 0 />+ at ! door at ! foot ( my b$1 :5 x op5$ sudd5ly )\t a s\nd2 & !re1 z ,i ?\ght1 my "m /ood1 ) ! light f ! oil-lamp outside %9+ ^u h]4 ,%e 0 dress$1 x seem$1 z once be=e ,i _h se5 h] 9 ,london1 :5 %e came into my room to bid me good-night be=e %e w5t out to an ev5+ p>ty4 ,h] head %one ) jewels t fla%$ z ! firelight rose & sank 9 ! room1 a d>k cloak %r\d$ h] neck & %\ld]s1 "o h& held ! edge ( ! door1 & a great jewel gleam$ on "o ( h] f+]s4 ,%e seem$ to be look+ at me4 8,i sat up 9 b$ 9 a mom5t1 amaz$ b n fright5$1 = 0 x n :at ,i _h s (t5 fanci$8 & ,i call$ out to h]3 8#8,"m1 "m6' 8,at ! ^w %e turn$ & look$ on to ! l&+1 & gave a slight movem5t ) h] head1 z if to "s "o wait+ !re1 ei!r ( ass5t or dismissal1 & !n turn$ to me aga94 ,! door clos$ sil5tly1 & ,i c\ld see 9 ! firelight1 & 9 ! fa9t glimm] t came ?r\gh ! o!r door1 t %e held out h] arms to me4 ,i ?rew (f ! b$clo!s 9 a mom5t1 & scrambl$ d[n to ! end ( ! b$1 & %e lift$ me g5tly 9 h] arms1 b said no ^w4 ,i too said no?+1 b %e rais$ ! cloak a little & wrapp$ x r\nd me1 & ,i lay !re 9 bliss1 my head on h] %\ld]1 & my arm r\nd h] neck4 ,%e walk$ smoo?ly & noiselessly to a rock+-*air t /ood beside ! fire & sat d[n1 & !n began to rock g5tly to & fro4 ,n[ x may be difficult to believe1 b ,i tell y t ,i nei!r said any?+1 nor desir$ to say any?+4 ,x 0 en\gh t %e 0 !re4 ,aft] a little :ile ,i suppose ,i fell asleep1 = ,i f\nd myself 9 an agony ( te>s & trembl+ aga91 b ^? arms held me firmly1 & ,i 0 soon at peace2 /ill %e spoke no ^w1 & ,i did n see h] face4 8,:5 ,i woke aga9 %e 0 gone1 & x 0 morn+1 & ,i 0 9 b$1 & ! nurse 0 draw+ up ! bl9d1 & ! w9t] sun%9e lay on ! wall4 ,t day 0 ! happie/ ,i _h kn[n s9ce my "m's dea?2 = ,i knew %e w\ld come aga94 8,aft] ,i 0 9 b$ t ev5+ ,i lay awake wait+1 s full ( happy cont5t & c]ta9ty t ,i fell asleep4 ,:5 ,i awoke ! fire 0 out1 & !re 0 no light b a n>r[ /reak t came ?r\gh ! door f my nurse's room4 ,i lay !re a m9ute or two wait+1 expect+ e mom5t to see ! door op5 at ! foot ( my b$2 b ! m9utes pass$1 & !n ! clock 9 ! hall bel[ beat ?ree4 ,!n ,i fell into a passion ( te>s2 ! night 0 ne>ly gone1 & %e _h n come to me4 ,!n1 z ,i toss$ to & fro1 try+ to /ifle my cry+1 ?r\gh my te>s !re came ! mi/y fla% ( light z ! door op5$1 & !re %e /ood aga94 ,once aga9 ,i 0 9 h] arms1 & my face on h] %\ld]4 ,& aga9 ,i fell asleep !re4 8,n[ ?is w5t on night aft] night1 b n e night1 & nev] unless ,i awoke & cri$4 ,x seem$ t if ,i ne$$ h] desp]ately %e came1 b only !n4 8,b !re 7 two curi\s incid5ts t occurr$ 9 ! ord] 9 :i* ,i w write !m d[n4 ,! second ,i und]/& n[1 at any rate2 ! fir/ ,i h nev] altoge!r und]/ood1 or r !re are sev]al possible explanations4 8,"o night z ,i lay 9 h] arms by ! fire1 a l>ge coal sudd5ly slipp$ f ! grate & fell ) a cra%1 awak+ ! nurse 9 ! o!r room4 ,i suppose %e ?\ght some?+ 0 wrong1 = %e appe>$ at ! door ) a %awl ov] h] %\ld]s1 hold+ ! night-light 9 "o h& & %ad+ x ) ! o!r4 ,i 0 go+ to speak1 :5 my "m laid h] h& across my m\?4 ,! nurse advanc$ into ! room1 pass$ close beside u1 app>5tly )\t see+ u1 w5t /raight to ! empty b$1 look$ d[n on ! tumbl$ clo!s1 & !n turn$ away z if satisfi$1 & w5t back to h] room4 ,! next day ,i manag$ to elicit f h]1 by que/ion+1 ! fact t %e _h be5 di/urb$ 9 ! night1 & _h come into my room1 b _h se5 me sleep+ quietly 9 b$4 8,! o!r incid5t 0 z foll[s4 ,"o night ,i 0 ly+ half doz+ aga9/ my "m's brea/1 my head aga9/ h] he>t1 & n1 z ,i usually lay1 ) my head on h] %\ld]4 ,z ,i lay !re x seem$ to me z if ,i he>d a /range s\nd l ! noise ( ! sea 9 a %ell1 b m melodi\s4 ,x is difficult to describe x1 b x 0 l ! murmur+ ( a f>-(f cr[d1 ov]laid ) musical pulsations4 ,i ne/l$ clos] to h] & li/5$2 & !n ,i c\ld di/+ui%1 ,i ?\ght1 innum]able ripples ( *ur* bells peal+1 z if f ano!r _w4 ,!n ,i li/5$ m int5tly to ! o!r s\nd2 !re 7 words1 b ,i c\ld n di/+ui% !m4 ,aga9 & aga9 a voice seem$ to rise above ! o!rs1 b ,i c\ld he> no intelligible words4 ,! voices cri$ 9 e sort ( tone--passion1 cont5t1 despair1 monotony4 ,& !n z ,i li/5$ ,i fell asleep4 ,z ,i look back n[1 ,i h no d\bt :at voices ^? 7 t ,i he>d4 8,& n[ comes ! end ( ! /ory4 ,my heal? began to improve s rem>kably t ^? ab\t me notic$ x4 ,i nev] gave way1 dur+ ! day at any rate1 to ^? old pite\s imag9+s2 & at night1 :51 ,i suppose1 ! w p>tly relaxes its control1 :5ev] my di/ress rea*$ a c]ta9 po9t1 %e 0 !re to com=t me4 ,b h] visits grew m & m r>e1 z ,i ne$$ h] less1 & at la/ ceas$4 ,b x is ( h] la/ visit1 :i* took place 9 ! spr+ ( ! foll[+ ye>1 t ,i wi% to speak4 8,i _h slept well all night1 b _h awak5$ 9 ! d>k j be=e ! dawn f "s dream :i* ,i =get1 b :i* left my n]ves %ak54 ,:5 9 my t]ror ,i cri$ out1 aga9 ! door op5$1 & %e 0 !re4 ,%e /ood ) ! jewels 9 h] hair1 & ! cloak across h] %\ld]s1 & ! light f ! l&+ lay p>tly on h] face4 ,i scrambl$ at once d[n ! b$1 & 0 lift$ & c>ri$ to ! *air1 & pres5tly fell asleep4 ,:5 ,i awoke ! dawn _h come1 & ! birds 7 /irr+ & *irp+1 & a pleasant gre5 light 0 9 ! room2 & ,i 0 /ill 9 h] arms4 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t1 except 9 ! in/ance ,i h m5tion$1 t ,i _h awak5$ except 9 b$1 & x 0 a great joy to f9d h] !re4 ,z ,i turn$ a little ,i saw ! cloak :i* %elt]$ u bo?--( a deep blue1 ) an intricate patt]n ( fl[]s & leaves & birds among bran*es4 ,!n ,i turn$ /ill m to see h] face1 :i* 0 s ne> me1 b x 0 turn$ away2 & ev5 z ,i mov$ %e rose & c>ri$ me t[>ds ! b$4 ,/ill hold+ me on h] left arm %e lift$ & smoo!d ! b$clo!s1 & !n laid me g5tly 9 b$1 ) my head on ! pill[4 ,& !n = ! fir/ "t ,i saw h] face pla9ly4 ,%e b5t ov] me1 ) "o h& on my brea/ z if to prev5t me f ris+1 & look$ /raight into my eyes2 & x 0 n my "m4 8,!re 0 "o mom5t ( bl9d+ %ock & sorr[1 & ,i gave a great sob1 & w\ld h ris5 9 b$1 b h] h& held me d[n1 & ,i seiz$ x ) bo? my own1 & /ill look$ 9 h] eyes4 ,x 0 n my "m1 & yet 0 !re ev] su* a "m's face z t8 ,i seem$ to be look+ into dep?s ( indescribable t5d]ness & /r5g?1 & ,i lean$ on t /r5g? 9 ^? mom5ts ( mis]y4 ,i gave ano!r sob or two z ,i look$1 b ,i 0 quiet]1 & at la/ peace came to me1 & ,i _h le>nt my lesson4 8,i did n at ! "t "k :o %e 01 b my little s\l dimly saw t my own "m = "s reason c\ld n at t "t come to me :o ne$$ h] s sorely1 & t ano!r great ,"m _h tak5 h] place2 yet1 aft] ! fir/ mom5t or s1 ,i felt no ang] or jeal\sy1 = "o :o _h look$ into t k9dly face c\ld h no su* unwor?y ?\ght4 8,!n ,i lift$ my head a little1 ,i rememb]1 & kiss$ ! h& t ,i held 9 my own1 rev]5tly & sl[ly4 ,i d n "k :y ,i did x1 except t x 0 ! natural ?+ to d4 ,! h& 0 /rong & :ite1 & delicately fragrant4 ,!n x 0 )drawn1 & %e 0 /&+ by ! door1 & ! door 0 op52 & !n %e 0 gone1 & ! door 0 clos$4 8,i h nev] se5 h] s9ce1 b ,i h nev] ne$$ to see h]1 = ,i "k :o %e is2 &1 please ,god1 ,i %all see h] aga92 & next "t ,i hope my "m & ,i w be toge!r2 & p]haps x w n be v long2 & p]haps %e w all[ me to kiss h] h& aga94 8,n[1 my de> sir1 ,i d n "k h[ all ?is w appe> to y2 x may seem to y1 ?\gh ,i d n ?9k x w1 m]ely *ildi%4 ,yet1 9 a s5se1 ,i desire no?+ m ?an t1 = our ,savi\r ,himself told u to be l *ildr51 & our ,savi\r too once lay on ,8 ,"m's brea/4 ,i "k t ,i am gett+ an old man1 & t old m5 are sometimes v fooli%2 b x m & m seems to me t exp]i5ce1 z well z ,8 words1 tells me t ! great ,k+dom ( ,heav5 has a l[ & n>r[ door t only little *ildr5 c ent]1 & t we mu/ become little aga91 & drop all our bundles1 if we w\ld g ?r\gh4 8,t1 de> & ,rev]5d ,sir1 is my /ory4 ,& may ,i ask y to rememb] me sometimes at ! alt> & 9 y\r pray]s8 = surely ,god w ask mu* f "o to :om ,he has giv5 s mu*1 & z yet ,i h no?+ to %[ = x2 & my "t mu/ be ne>ly at an end1 ev5 if ,8 inf9ite pati5ce is n4 8,believe me1 8,y\rs fai?fully1 8---- ----40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,bridge ov] ! ,/ream ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,lo1 ,i am free6 ,i *oose ! pa9 ?\ be>e/3 ,?\ art ! mess5g] ( "o :o waits2 ,?\ wilt reveal ! hidd5 face ?\ we>e/ ,:5 my feet falt] at ! ,et]nal ,gates40 ,old ,foes4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,bridge ov] ! ,/ream ,,we 7 at tea "o aft]noon on ! little l[1 til$ plat=m t m>k$ ! site ( an old summ]-h\se4 ,tall hurdles cov]$ ) bri>-roses on ! fur!r side ( ! pa? f5c$ (f ! re/ ( ! g>d5 f u1 & ! sun _h j sunk bel[ ! level ( ! h\se1 ?r[+ bo? ourselves & ! g>d5 into cool %ad[4 ,! s]vant _h br\ght out ! tea-?+s1 b he pres5tly return$ ) some?+ ( horror on 8 face4 ,! old man look$ up & saw him4 8,:at is x1 ,p>k]80 he ask$4 8,!re's be5 an accid5t1 sir4 ,tom ,awcock at ! home f>m has be5 drawn into "s ma*9e1 & !y say he mu/ lose bo? arms1 & maybe 8 life40 ,! old man turn$ q :ite1 & 8 eyes grew l>g] & bright]4 8,is ! doctor ) him80 he ask$1 9 a p]fectly /eady voice4 8,yes1 sir1 & !y've s5t a message1 ,w\ld y be good en\gh to /ep d[n8 ,! rector's away1 & ,tom's "m's cry+ t]rible4 ,b n yet1 sir4 ,ab\t sev5 o'clock1 !y say4 ,x won't be ov] till !n1 & !re's no imm$iate dang]40 8,tell !m ,i w be !re at sev510 said ! cl]gyman4 ,p>k] w5t back to ! h\se1 & pres5tly we he>d ! foot/eps ( a *ild runn+ d[n ! drive t[>ds ! f>m4 8,h[ %ock+ x is60 ,i said 9 a mom5t or two4 8,ah60 said ! old man1 smil+1 8,i h le>nt my lesson4 ,x is n really s %ock+ z y ?9k4 ,does t s\nd v h>d80 ,i said no?+1 = x seem$ to me t all ! consolations ( religion c\ld n s(t5 ! horror ( su* ?+s4 ,if su* agonies are necess>y z rem$ies or atonem5ts1 at lea/ !y are t]rible4 8,i le>nt my lesson10 ! old man w5t on1 8d[n ! road !re outside ! h$ge--d[n by ! bridge4 ,w\ld y l to he> x8 ,or are y tir$ ( an old dream]'s /ories80 & he smil$ at me4 8,n[ ,i "k y ?9k t ,i am h>d--t ,i am a little ap>t maybe f human life--t ,i _c und]/& ! bl9d mis]y ( ^? :o suff] 9 ignorance2 yet y w\ld be ! fir/1 ,i believe1 to ?9k t ,mrs4 ,awcock's consolations are unreal1 & t :5 %e tells me t %e kn[s !re is a wise purpose beh9d1 %e is only repeat+ :at is prop] to say to a cl]gyman4 ,b t is n s2 t old ?readb>e s5t5ce is int5sely real to ^! p1 &1 ,i hope1 to myself too4 ,= !re is no?+ t ,i desire m ?an to be a *ild l !m4 ,x is ! app>5t purposelessness t di/resses y3 x is ! c]ta9ty ( a delib]ate purpose t com=ts me4 ,well1 %all ,i tell y :at ,i saw80 ,i 0 a little di/ress$ at :at look$ l call\sness1 b ,i told him ,i w\ld l to he> ! /ory4 8,i 0 /&+ "o ev5+--x w\ld be ab\t five ye>s ago--9 ! field d[n !re ne> ! /ream4 ,y rememb] ! bridge !re1 ov] :i* ! road goes1 j outside ! h$ge4 ,i love runn+ wat]1 & ,i w5t sl[ly up & d[n by ! side ( ! beck4 ,!re 7 *ildr5 on ! road1 com+ back f s*ool1 & !y /opp$ on ! bridge to look at ! wat]1 z *ildr5 & old m5 w4 ,!y did n see me1 z ! field is a little bel[ ! road1 & besides _! backs 7 turn$ to me4 ,i c\ld see a p9k frock or two1 & a pair ( /\t b>e legs4 ,two girls 7 tak+ _! bro!r home--he 0 betwe5 !m1 a h& clasp$ by ea* ( ! si/]s4 ,i suppose ! elde/ girl w\ld be ab\t n9e1 & ! boy five4 ,!y 7 talk+ solemnly1 & ,i c\ld he> e ^w4 8,:y are *ildr5 always suppos$ to be gay8 ,!re is no solemnity 9 ! _w to be comp>$ to ! solemnity ( a little boy1 or ( 8 si/] :o has *>ge ( him4 8,"o ( ! girls said1 #8,look1 ,johnny1 !re are little fi%es d[n !re4' 8#8,:5 ,i am a man'----,johnny began1 v sl[ly4 8#8,look1 ,johnny1' said ! o!r girl1 #8!re's a blue fl[]4' 8,up to ?is ,i rememb] e ^w4 ,b !n ,i began to wat* ,johnny4 8,! girls w5t on talk+1 b !y lean$ ov] m1 & ,i c\ld n he> !m pla9ly4 ,johnny /eal?ily )drew a h& f ea* ( 8 si/]s1 & began to look = a /one to ?r[ at ! fi%es or ! blue fl[]1 ,i suppose2 = man is "l ( ,creation4 ,i c\ld see him pres5tly ?r\gh ! h$ge digg+ pati5tly ) 8 f+]s & loos5+ a /one t 0 firm 9 ! road4 ,& at t mom5t ,i he>d a f>-away %\t & ! di/ant b>k ( a dog4 8,! ev5+ 0 wond]fully /ill3 e leaf hung quiet3 & !re 7 f>-(f cl\ds heap+ !mselves up 9 ! we/1 t[] ov] t[]4 ,we _h a ?und]/orm t night1 ,i rememb]4 ,! brook 0 quiet1 j slipp+ noiselessly f pool to pool4 8,/ill ,johnny 0 digg+ & ! girls 7 talk+4 ,!n out ( ! village above u came aga9 f>-(f noises4 ,i c\ld he> a rumble & ! clatt] ( ho(s1 !n a cry or two m1 & ! ne>] t]rifi$ yelp ( a dog4 ,b ! girls 7 int5t on ! brook--& ,johnny on ! /one4 8,ev5 n[ ,i did n und]/& :at 0 happ5+3 b ,i grew uneasy--& ) great difficulty1 = ,i 0 an old man ev5 !n1 tri$ to scramble up ! high bank by ! bridge4 ,z ,i rea*$ ! top ,i saw t "o ( ! girls _h gone4 ,%e _h run1 ,i suppose1 (f ! bridge d[n by ! side ( ! road4 ,! o!r girl 0 /ill /&+--b look+ 9 a fright5$ way up ! hill4 ,d[n ! hill came ! l\d rumble ( a c>t & ! clatt] ( ho(s1 t]ribly ne>4 8,! girl by ! side ( ! road began to scream to h] si/]1 :o d>t$ (f1 & !n rememb]$ ,johnny & turn$4 ,johnny got up too & ran to ! p>apet & /ood aga9/ x4 8,i 0 %\t+ too by n[1 ?r\gh ! h$ge3 b ,i c\ld d no?+ m1 no?+ m1 because ! h$ge 0 high & ?ick1 & ,i 0 an old man4 ,!n 9 a mom5t ,i rememb]$ t %\t+ w\ld only di/ract !m1 & ,i /opp$4 ,x 0 useless4 ,i c\ld d absolutely no?+4 ,b x 0 v h>d4 8,!n ,i saw ! gallop+ body ( a horse ?r\gh ! bran*es1 ) a but*]'s c>t t rock$ beh9d him4 ,!re 0 no "o on ! c>t4 8,n[ !re 0 room = ! c>t to pass ! boy safely4 ,by ! :eelm>ks1 :i* ,i look$ at aft]w>ds1 !re 7 ?ree cle> feet--if only ! boy _h /ood /ill4 8,! girls seem$ petrifi$ z !y /ood1 "o 9 act to run1 ! o!r cr\*+ & hid+ h] face aga9/ ! h$ge4 ,! c>t 0 n[ )9 t5 y>ds1 z ,i c\ld see1 ?\gh ,i 0 /ill />+ at ,johnny4 ,!n ?is is :at ,i saw4 8,some:]e beh9d him ov] ! p>apet ( ! bridge !re 0 a figure4 ,i rememb] no?+ ab\t x except ! face & ! h&s4 ,! face 01 ,i ?9k1 ! t5d]e/ ,i h ev] se54 ,! eyes 7 d[nca/1 look+ ^u ! boy's head ) indescribable love1 ! lips 7 smil+4 ,"o h& 0 ov] ! boy's eyes1 ! o!r aga9/ 8 %\ld] beh9d4 ,9 a mom5t ! memory ( o!r /ories ,i _h he>d came to m9d--& ,i gave a sob ( relief t ! boy 0 safe 9 su* c>e4 8,b z ! iron ho(s & rock+ :eels came up1 ! h& on ! boy's %\ld] sudd5ly pu%$ him to meet !m2 & yet ^? t5d] eyes & m\? nev] fl9*$1 & ! *ild took a /ep =w>d 9 front ( ! horse1 & 0 beat5 d[n )\t a cry3 & ! c>t lur*$ heavily1 right$ itself1 & da%$ on out ( sight4 8,:5 ! cl\d ( du/ _h pass$1 ! little body lay quiet on ! road1 & ! two girls 7 cl++ to "o ano!r1 scream+ & sobb+1 b !re 0 no?+ else4 8,i 0 z angry at fir/ z an old man c\ld be4 ,i ne>ly 7may ,he =give me = x n[67 curs$ ,god & di$4 ,b ! memory ( t t5d] face did its "w4 ,x 0 z ! face ( a "m :o nurses h] fir/-born *ild1 z ! face ( a *ild :o kisses a w\nd$ creature1 x 0 z ,i ?9k ! ,fa!r's ,face itself mu/ h be51 :i* ^? angels always behold1 z ,he look$ d[n ^u ! ,sacrifice ( ,8 only ,son4 8,w y =give me n[ if ,i seem$ h>d a few m9utes ago8 ,p]haps y /ill ?9k x 0 h>dness t made me speak z ,i did4 ,b1 = myself1 ,i hope ,i may call x by a bett] "n ?an t40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,9 ! ,conv5t ,*apel ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,9 h] all long+s mix & meet2 ,dumb s\ls ?r\gh h] are eloqu5t2 ,%e feels ! e>? b5ea? h] feet ,vibrate 9 passionate int5t2 ,?r\gh h] our tides ( feel+ roll ,& f9d _! ,god )9 h] s\l40 ,! ,contemplative ,s\l4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,9 ! ,conv5t ,*apel ,,"o ev5+ ab\t ?is "t1 on com+ indoors = tea1 ,i f\nd ! old man seat$ at ! op5 door t look$ on to ! lawn1 ) a book on 8 knees1 & 8 f+] betwe5 ! pages4 ,he held ! book t[>ds me z ,i came ne> him1 & %[$ me ! title1 8,! ,int]ior ,ca/le40 8,i h j be5 read+10 he said1 8,sa9t ,t]esa's description ( ! diff]5ce betwe5 ! intellectual & ! imag9ative vision4 ,x is curi\s h[ %e fails really to express x1 except to any "o :o happ5s to h _h a glimpse already = himself ( :at %e means4 ,i suppose x is "o ( ! signs ( reality 9 ! spiritual _w t no "o c ev] describe s mu* z he kn[s40 ,i sat d[n4 8,i am afraid ,i don't und]/& a ^w y are say+10 ,i answ]$ smil+4 ,= answ] he op5$ ! book & read ,sa9t ,t]esa's curi\s gasp+ incoh]5t s5t5ces--at lea/ s ,i ?\ght !m4 8,/ill10 ,i said1 8,i am afraid----0 8,oh10 he said almo/ impati5tly1 8surely y "k n[2 inde$ y "k x1 b d n recognise x40 8,c y give me any sort ( in/ance80 ,i ask$4 ,he ?\ght = a mom5t or two 9 sil5ce2 & !n---- 8,i ?9k ,i c10 he said1 8if y are sure x w n bore y40 ,he p\r$ out tea = u bo?1 & !n began3 8,mo/ ( ! tales ,i h told y are ( ! imag9ative vision1 by :i* ,i d n mean t ! vision is 9 any way unreal or untrue1 :i* is :at mo/ p mean by #8imag9ative1' b only t x pres5ts itself 9 ! =m ( a visible picture4 ,x seems *iefly ! function ( ! imag9ation to visualise facts1 & x is an abuse ( t faculty to employ x *iefly 9 visualis+ fancies4 ,b x is possible = spiritual facts to repres5t !mselves vividly & cle>ly to ! intellect in/ead1 s t ! p]son to :om ! intellectual vision is giv5 does n1 s to speak1 #8see' any?+1 b only #8appreh5ds' some?+ to be true4 ,h[ev]1 ?is w become m cle> pres5tly4 8,"s ye>s ago ,i took my annual holiday 9 ! =m ( a solit>y walk+ t\r4 ,i w n tell y :]e ,i w5t1 z !re are o!rs conc]n$ 9 ?is /ory :o w\ld dislike int5sely to be publicly spok5 ( 9 ! way t ,i %all h to speak ( !m2 b x is en\gh to say t ,i came at la/ to a little t[n t[>ds sunset4 ,my object 9 com+ to ?is place 0 to visit a conv5t ( enclos$ nuns ^: reputation = hol9ess 0 v great4 ,i c>ri$ ) me a lett] ( introduction to ! ,rev]5d ,"m1 :i* ,i knew w\ld admit me to ! *apel4 ,i left my bag at ! inn1 & !n walk$ d[n to ! conv5t1 :i* /ood a little way out ( ! t[n4 8,! lay si/] :o op5$ ! door to me ask$ me to come into ! p>l\r :ile %e told ! ,rev]5d ,"m2 & aft] wait+ a few m9utes 9 ! prim room ) its bees-wax$ floor & its religi\s engrav+s & objects1 a wond]fully dignifi$ little old lady1 ) a quiet wr9kl$ face1 came 9 ) my lett] op5 9 h] h&4 ,we talk$ a few m9utes ab\t v>i\s ?+s1 & ,i _h a glass ( c[slip w9e 9 a ?ick-lipp$ w9eglass4 8,%e told me t ! conv5t 0 a v anci5t f\ndation1 t x _h be5 a c\ntry h\se ev] s9ce ! ,dissolution ( ! ,religi\s ,h\ses1 until ab\t tw5ty ye>s ago1 :5 x _h be5 acquir$ = ! community4 ,!re /ill rema9$ ( ! old build+s "p ( ! cloi/]s1 ) ! s\? transept ( ! old *ur*1 :i* 0 n[ ! *apel2 ! :ole1 ) a wall or two1 =m+ ! c\rty>d ?r\gh :i* ,i _h come4 ,beh9d ! h\se lay ! g>d51 on to :i* ! w9d[ ( ! p>l\r look$2 & z ,i sat ,i c\ld see a black cross or two m>k+ ! nuns' gravey>d4 ,i made inquiries z to ! way ! "t ( ! community 0 sp5t4 8#8,our object1' said ! old lady1 #8is p]petual int]cession = s9n]s4 ,we h ! great joy ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t among/ u 9 ! *apel1 &1 except dur+ ! *oir (fices & ,mass1 !re is always a nun kneel+ be=e ,x4 ,we look aft] "o or two ladies incurably ill1 :o h come to end _! days ) u1 & we make our liv+ by embroid]y4' 8,i ask$ h[ x 0 t %e c\ld receive /rang]s if ! ord] 0 an enclos$ "o4 8#8,! lay si/]s & myself alone c receive /rang]s4 ,we f9d t necess>y4' 8,aft] a little m talk ,i ask$ :e!r ,i might see ! *apel1 & %e took me out into ! c\rty>d imm$iately4 8,z we walk$ across ! grass %e po9t$ out to me ! cloi/]s1 n[ built up into a corridor1 & ! long ru9$ wall ( ! old nave :i* =m$ "o side ( ! quadrangle4 ,a grave-fac$ & /\t collie dog _h jo9$ u at ! door1 & we ?ree w5t toge!r sl[ly t[>ds ! door 9 ! c5tre ( ! we/ wall ( ! re/or$ transept4 ,! ev5+ sun lay gold5 on ! wall be=e u & on ! ru9$ base ( ! c5tral t[] ( ! old *ur*1 r\nd :i* jackdaws :eel$ & croak$40 ,! old prie/ broke (f & turn$ to me1 ) 8 eyes burn+3 8,:at a m>vell\s ?+ ! ,religi\s ,life is10 he said1 8& above all ! ,contemplative ,life6 ,"h 7 ^! nuns z no d\bt !y & _! y\ng] si/]s are /ill1 )\t "o s+le ?+ t 9 ! _w's op9ion makes life wor? liv+4 ,!re is practically p]petual sil5ce1 !re are h\rs to be sp5t 9 ! *apel1 no luxuries1 no amusem5ts1 no p[] ( *oice1 !y are always r hungry & r tir$1 at ! v lea/4 ,& yet !y are n sacrific+ pres5t happ9ess to future happ9ess1 z ! _w always supposes1 b !y are int5sely & radiantly happy #8n[ 9 ?is pres5t "t4' ,i don't "k :at fur!r pro( any "o wants ( ,:o our ,"l is ?an t m5 & wom5 f9d ! ke5e/1 & 9 fact _! only joy1 9 s]v+ ,him & belong+ to ,him4 8,well1 ,i rememb] t some?+ ( ?is sort 0 9 my m9d z ,i w5t across ! c\rty>d beside ?is mo!rly old lady ) h] happy quiet face4 ,%e _h be5 ov] fifty ye>s 9 ,religion1 my fri5d _h told me4 8,at ! door %e /opp$4 8#8,i w n come 91' %e said1 #8b y w f9d me 9 ! p>l\r :5 y come out4' 8,& %e turn$ & w5t back1 ) ! collie walk+ sl[ly beside h]1 8 gold5 plum$ tail rais$ high aga9/ h] black habit4 8,! door 0 p>tly op51 b a ?ick curta9 hung beyond4 ,i pu%$ x quietly aside & /epp$ 94 ,x seem$ v d>k at fir/1 9 contra/ to ! brilliant sun%9e outside2 b ,i pres5tly saw t ,i 0 kneel+ be=e a high iron-b>r$ scre51 9 :i* 0 no door4 ,on ! left1 9 ! fur!r corn] ( ! *apel1 glimm]$ a blue light 9 a silv] lamp be=e a /atue ( our ,lady4 8,opposite me rose up ! /eps be=e ! high alt>2 b n f> away1 because1 z y rememb]1 ! *apel _h once be5 ! transept ( a *ur*1 & ! ea/ wall1 9 ! c5tre ( :i* ! high alt> /ood1 0 long] ?an bo? ! s\? wall :]e a second alt> /ood1 & ! mod]n brick wall t clos$ x on ! nor?4 ,a sl5d] crucifix 9 black & :ite & six ?9 tap]s rose above ! alt>1 & high above /ood ! ,tab]nacle clos$ by a :ite silk curta91 be=e :i* flick]$ a t9y r$ sp>k4 8,i said a pray] or two1 & !n ,i notic$ = ! fir/ "t a d>k outl9e ris+ 9 ! c5tre ( ! space be=e ! alt>4 ,= a mom5t ,i 0 p]plex$1 & !n ,i saw t x 0 ! nun ^: h\r x 0 = int]cession4 ,h] back 0 turn$ to me z %e knelt at ! fald/ool1 & h] black veil fell 9 rigid l9es on to h] %\ld]s1 & m+l$ ) h] black s]ge habit bel[4 ,!re %e knelt p]fectly motionless1 pray+4 ,i _h n1 & h n1 a notion z to h] age4 ,%e might h be5 tw5ty-five or sev5ty4 8,z ,i knelt !re ,i ?\ght deeply1 wond]+ z to ! nun's age1 h[ long %e _h be5 pr(ess$1 :5 %e w\ld die1 :e!r %e 0 happy2 &1 ,i am afraid1 ,i ?\ght m ( h] ?an ( ,him ,:o 0 s ne>4 ,!n a k9d ( ang] seiz$ me1 z ,i comp>$ 9 my m9d ! life ( a happy good woman 9 ! _w ) t ( ?is poor creature4 ,i pictur$ ! life1 z "o s (t5 sees x 9 homes1 ( a "m ) h] *ildr5 gr[+ up ab\t h]1 h] h&s busy ) heal?y home "w1 h] life glorifi$ by a good man's love2 z %e gr[s old]1 pass+ f happy /age to happy /age1 com=t+1 help+1 sweet5+ e s\l %e meets4 ,0 x n = ?is t wom5--& m5 too1 ,i ?\ght1 rebuk+ myself--7 made8 ,!n ?9k ( ! s\r life ( ! cloi/]--z loveless & desolate z ! cold walls !mselves6 ,& ev51 ,i ?\ght1 ev5 if !re is a /range peculi> joy 9 ! ,religi\s ,life--ev5 if !re is an abs5ce ( sorr[s & anxieties su* z spoil ! happ9ess ( _m lives 9 ! _w--yet1 aft] all1 surely ! ,contemplative ,life is useless & b>r54 ,! ,active ,life may be well en\gh1 if ! pray]s & ! discipl9e issue 9 great] effici5cy1 if ! prie/ is m f]v5t :5 he m9i/]s outside1 & ! si/] ( *>ity m *>itable4 ,yes1 ,i ?\ght1 ! active ,religi\s ,life is reasonable en\gh2 b ! ,contemplative----6 ,aft] all x is ess5tially selfi%1 x is a s9 aga9/ society4 ,possibly x 0 necess>y :5 ! wick$ness ( ! _w 0 m fi]ce1 to prote/ aga9/ x by ?is retirem5t2 b n n[1 n n[6 ,h[ c ! lump be leav5$ if ! leav5 be )drawn8 ,h[ c a s\l s]ve ,god by =sak+ ! _w :i* ,he made & loves80444 8,& s10 said ! prie/1 turn+ to me aga91 8,i w5t on--poor ignorant fool6--?9k+ t ! woman :o knelt 9 front ( me 0 less useful ?an myself1 & t my words & actions & s]mons & life did m to advance ,god's k+dom ?an h] pray]s6 ,& !n--!n--at ! mom5t :5 ,i rea*$ t climax ( folly & pride1 ,god 0 good to me & gave me a little light4 8,n[1 ,i d n "k h[ to put x--,i h nev] put x into words be=e1 except to myself--b ,i became aw>e1 9 my intellect alone1 ( "o or two cle> facts4 ,9 ord] to tell y :at ^? facts 7 ,i mu/ use picture language2 b rememb] !y are only translations or p>aphrases ( :at ,i p]ceiv$4 8,fir/ ,i became aw>e sudd5ly t !re ran a vital connection f ! ,tab]nacle to ! woman4 ,y may ?9k ( x z "o ( ^? b&s y see 9 ma*9]y connect+ two :eels1 s t :5 ei!r :eel moves ! o!r moves too4 ,or y may ?9k ( x z an electric wire1 jo9+ ! in/rum5t ! telegraph op]ator uses ) ! po9t] at ! o!r end4 ,at any rate !re 0 ?is vital b& or wire ( life4 ,n[ 9 ! ,tab]nacle ,i became aw>e t !re 0 a mighty /irr+ & movem5t4 ,some?+ )9 x beat l a va/ ,he>t1 & ! vibrations ( ea* pulse seem$ to quiv] ?r\gh all ! gr\nd4 ,or y may picture x z ! movem5t ( a cle> deep pool :5 ! bas9 t conta9s x is j>r$--x seem$ l ! movem5t ( circul> ripples cross+ & recross+ 9 swift ?rills4 ,or y may ?9k ( x z t fa9t movem5t ( light & %ade t may be se5 9 ! he>t ( a :ite-hot furnace4 ,or aga9 y may picture x z s\nd--z ! s\nd ( a high %ip-ma/ ) ! rigg+1 9 a /eady w9d2 or ! s\nd ( deep woods 9 a ,july noon4 ,! prie/'s face 0 work+1 & 8 h&s mov$ n]v\sly4 8,h[ hopeless x is10 he said1 8to express all ?is6 ,rememb] t all ^! pictures are n 9 ! lea/ :at ,i p]ceiv$4 ,!y are only grotesque p>aphrases ( a spiritual fact t 0 %[n me4 8,n[ ,i 0 aw>e t !re 0 some?+ ( ! same activity 9 ! he>t ( ! woman1 b ,i did n "k :i* 0 ! controll+ p[]4 ,i did n "k :e!r ! initiative sprang f ! ,tab]nacle & communicat$ itself to ! nun's w2 or :e!r %e1 by b5d+ h]self ^u ! ,tab]nacle1 set 9 motion a huge dormant p[]4 ,x appe>$ to me possible t ! solution lay 9 ! fact t two wills co-op]at$1 ea* react+ ^u ! o!r4 ,?is1 9 a k9d ( way1 appe>s to me n[ true z reg>ds ! :ole my/]y ( free-w & pray] & grace4 8,at any rate ! union ( ^! two repres5t$ itself to me1 z ,i h said1 z =m+ a k9d ( eng9e t radiat$ an imm5se light or s\nd or movem5t4 ,& !n ,i p]ceiv$ some?+ else too4 8,i once fell asleep 9 "o ( ^? fa/ tra9s f ! nor?1 & did n awake until we _h rea*$ ! t]m9us4 ,! la/ ?+ ,i _h se5 be=e fall+ asleep _h be5 ! quiet d>k5+ woods & fields ?r\gh :i* we 7 slid+1 & x 0 a %ock to awake 9 ! bright humm+ t]m9us & to drive ?r\gh ! cr[d$ /reets1 "u ! electric gl>e f ! lamps & w9d[s4 ,n[ ,i felt some?+ ( t sort n[4 ,a mom5t ago ,i _h fanci$ myself ap>t f movem5t & activity 9 ?is quiet conv5t2 b ,i seem$ someh[ to h /epp$ into a c5tre ( busy1 ru%+ life4 ,i c sc>cely put ! s5sation m cle>ly ?an t4 ,i 0 aw>e t ! atmosph]e 0 *>g$ ) en]gy2 great p[]s seem$ to be a/ir1 & ,i to be close to ! :irl+ c5tre ( x all4 8,or ?9k ( x l ?is4 ,h y ev] _h to wait 9 a ,city (fice8 ,if y h done t y w "k h[ int5se quiet c coexi/ ) int5se activity4 ,!re are quiet figures "h & !re r\nd ! room4 ,or x may be !re is only "o su* figure--a great f9anci]--& he sitt+ !re almo/ motionless4 ,yet y "k t e movem5t t+les1 z x 71 out f t /ill room all ov] ! _w4 ,y c picture to y\rself h[ p leap to obey or to resi/--h[ lives rise & fall1 & =tunes are made & lo/1 at ! g5tle movem5ts ( ?is lonely quiet man 9 8 (fice4 ,well1 s x 0 "h4 ,i p]ceiv$ t ?is black figure knelt at ! c5tre ( reality & =ce1 & ) ! movem5ts ( h] w & lips controll$ spiritual de/9ies = et]nity4 ,!re ran out f ?is peaceful *apel l9es ( spiritual p[] t lo/ !mselves 9 ! di/ance1 bewild]+ 9 _! pr(usion & t]rible 9 ! int5sity ( _! hidd5 fire4 ,s\ls leap$ up & r5ew$ ! conflict z ?is t5se w /rove = !m4 ,s\ls ev5 at t mom5t leav+ ! body /ruggl$ f dea? into spiritual life1 & fell pant+ & sav$ at ! feet ( ! ,r$eem] on ! o!r side ( dea?4 ,o!rs1 acquiesc5t & swoon+ 9 s91 woke & sn>l$ at ! m]ciful /ab ( ?is poor nun's pray]s40 ,! prie/ 0 trembl+ n[ ) excitem5t4 8,yes10 he said2 8yes1 & ,i 9 my /upid arrogance _h ?\ght t my life 0 m active 9 ,god's _w ?an h]s4 ,s a small prov9cial %opkeep]1 bu/l+ to & fro beh9d ! c\nt]1 might ?9k1 if only he 7 mad en\gh1 t 8 life 0 m active & alive ?an ! life ( a director :o sits at 8 table 9 ! ,city4 ,yes1 t is a vulg> simile2 b ! only "o t ,i c ?9k ( :i* 9 ! lea/ expresses :at ,i knew to be true4 ,!re lay my little fooli% n>r[ life beh9d me1 made up ( spiritless pray]s & ef=ts & feeble deal+s ) s\ls2 & h[ complac5t ,i _h be5 ) x all1 h[ self-c5tr$1 h[ out ( ! real tide ( spiritual movem5t6 ,& mean:ile1 = ye>s probably1 ?is nun _h toil$ beh9d ^! walls 9 ! sil5ce ( grace1 ) ! hum ( ! _w com+ fa9tly to h] e>s1 & ! cries ( peoples & nations1 & ( p]sons :om ! _w acc\nts important1 s\nd+ l ! voices ( *ildr5 at play 9 ! muddy /reet outside2 & inde$ t is all t !y are1 comp>$ to h]--*ildr5 mak+ mud-pies or play+ at %op outside ! f9anci]'s (fice40 ,! prie/ 0 sil5t1 & 8 face became quiet] aga94 ,!n 9 a mom5t he spoke aga94 8,well10 he said1 8t is :at ,i believe to h be5 an intellectual vision4 ,!re 0 no =m or appe>ance or s\nd2 b ,i c only express :at 0 %[n to me to be true1 "u ^? images4 ,x almo/ seems to me z ,i look back n[ z if ! air 9 ! *apel 7 full ( a murmur\s s\nd & a lum9\s mi/ z ! curr5ts ( ne$ & grace w5t to & fro4 ,b ,i "k really t ! sil5ce 0 deep & ! air dim40 ,!n ,i made a fooli% rem>k4 8,if y feel l t ab\t ! ,contemplative ,life1 ,i wond] y did n try to ent] x y\rself40 ,! prie/ look$ at me = a mom5t4 8,x w\ld be ra%1 surely1 = a little %opkeep] ( no p>ticul> ability to compete ) ,ro?s*ild40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,"u ,:i* ,k+8 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,all su* k z ?is1 :e!r x comes f ,god or n1 c be b ( little pr(it to ! s\l 9 ! way ( p]fection1 if x tru/s to x3 yea1 r1 if x is n c>eful to reject x1 444 x w br+ ^u x great evil2 444 = all ! dang]s & inconv5i5ces ( ! sup]natural appreh5sions1 & _m m1 are to be f\nd "h40 ,! ,asc5t ( ,m\nt ,c>mel4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,"u ,:i* ,k+8 ,,)9 a day or two ( our conv]sation on ,/4 ,t]esa1 ,i ask$ ! old prie/ ab\t :at is call$ 8,quietism40 ,a fri5d _h giv5 me an old copy ( ,mol9os' ,spiritual ,guide1 & ,i knew t ! writ] _h be5 condemn$ & imprison$ = life1 & yet ,i c\ld n und]/& 9 :at lay 8 crime4 8,x is difficult to put into words10 said ! prie/1 8or ev5 to und]/&1 :y c]ta9 s5t5ces are condemn$1 s9ce x is probably possible to p>allel !m f o!r ,ca?olic my/ics ^: names are hon\r$4 ,yet ! fact rema9s t ! result ( ,mol9os' tea*+ 0 neglect ( ! ,sacram5ts & ( ext]nal means ( grace1 :i* 0 n s 9 ! case ( ! s*ools ( o!r my/ics40 8,b ,i w tell y a /ory10 he w5t on1 8to illu/rate ! effect ( c]ta9 k9ds ( my/icism2 & ,i mu/ leave y to judge :e!r my fri5d 0 "r or wrong 9 :at he decid$1 = ,i mu/ tell y fir/ t ! incid5t did n happ5 to me4 ,on ! :ole ,i may say t ,i h my own op9ion on ! subject1 b ,i w n tell y :at x is1 z sometimes ,i am /rongly incl9$ to *ange x4 ,h[ev]1 y %all he> ! /ory4 ,%all we take a /roll on ! t]race80 ,& :5 we _h rea*$ x1 he began3 8,my fri5d 0 a prie/ ( ab\t ?irty ye>s ( age 7?is happ5$ "s =ty ye>s ago74 ,he 0 work+ 9 ! c\ntry at ! "t1 & _h a great deal ( leisure = read+1 & ?is he *iefly occupi$ 9 ! /udy ( v>i\s my/ics1 & mo/ ( !m ( ! ,quieti/ic s*ool4 ,y "k1 too1 t "o ( _! *>act]i/ic l9es ( ?\ght lies 9 ! ab&onm5t ( all ef=t save t ( adh]+ to ,god1 & ev5 t is to be a passive r ?an an active ef=t4 ,! s\l mu/ lie /ill1 says "o ( !m1 & be drawn z if by a rope up ! ,m\nt ( ,p]fection4 ,! slighte/ movem5t w *eck or div]t t swift & /eady approa* t[>ds ,god4 8,b my fri5d n only /udi$ writ]s ( ?is s*ool intellectually1 b he put himself m or less "u _! spiritual direction4 ,he told me aft]w>ds t x seem$ to him t if he us$ ! ,sacram5ts fai?fully1 & if he f\nd t 8 devotion t[>ds !m did n cool1 he w\ld be suffici5tly protect$ aga9/ possible extravagances or h]esies 9 8 spiritual read+4 ,8 daily m$itation1 too1 he told me1 began to mean m to him ?an ev] 9 8 lifetime3 ! pres5ce ( ,god seem$ m real & accessible1 &1 above all1 ! guidance ( ,god 9 8 daily life m app>5t4 ,! "t t really matt]s1 z he said to me once1 is ! "t betwe5 our religi\s ex]cises2 & 9 ?is "t1 too1 ,god manife/$ ,himself4 ,9 fact1 f all t he said to me1 ,i h v little d\bt t 8 "* & spiritual life 7 bo? deep5$ & purifi$1 at any rate at fir/1 by 8 devotional /udy ( ^! my/ics4 8,"o ^w m be=e ,i beg9 ! actual /ory4 8,i said j n[ t ! guidance ( ,god began to be m app>5t 9 8 daily life4 ,!re are two ma9 ways ( settl+ que/ions t come up = decision1 & bo? ways are possible to a religi\s man4 ,"o way is to lay /ress on ! intellectual side1 to weigh ! argum5ts c>efully1 & decide1 z x 71 by reason+ alone3 ! o!r is to lay comp>atively little /ress on ! argum5ts & ! intellectual side g5]ally1 & to make ! ma9 ef=t lie 9 ! aspiration ( ! w t[>ds ,god = guidance4 ,we may call !m1 r\ghly1 ! intellectual & ! intuitive4 ,n[ ( c\rse my fri5d's my/ical /udies incl9$ him m & m t[>ds ! latt]4 ,he told me1 9 fact1 t 9 ! mo/ ord9>y que/ions--9 8 visit+ 8 p--9 8 prea*+--9 8 deal+s ) s\ls--he began m & m to refuse intellectual light1 & to tru/ in/ead to ! imm$iate int]ior guidance ( ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,m ?an once1 = example1 he laid aside ! s]mon he _h prep>$1 z he ent]$ ! pulpit1 & prea*$ f a text t _h seem$ to be sugge/$ to him4 ,( c\rse x 0 n s good f ! lit]>y po9t ( view2 b t1 z he v ju/ly said1 is n ! mo/ important "q 9 judg+ ( a s]mon4 ,he seem$ to f9d1 he told me1 t 8 spiritual p[] 9 e way develop$1 bo? 9 8 int]ior life & 9 8 deal+s ) o!rs4 8,9 8 conv]sations1 too1 he w\ld all[ long sil5ces to come1 if x did n seem to him t ,god mov$ him to speak2 at o!r times he w\ld drop conv5tional modes ( spee* & say ?+s t1 humanly judg$1 7 calculat$ to d ! v opposite ( :at he p]sonally desir$4 ,sometimes 9 su* a case 8 wi% 0 atta9$1 & sometimes n2 b 9 bo? cases he =c$ himself to reg>d x z if he _h succe$$4 ,9 %ort1 he act$ & spoke 9 ob$i5ce to ?is int]ior draw+1 & disreg>d$ consequ5ces entirely4 ,& ?is1 ,i ne$ h>dly say1 is "o road to int]ior peace4 8,& !n at la/ a />tl+ ?+ happ5$4 8,!re _h be5 "s crime committ$3 ,i h n an idea :at x 04 ,two m5 7 involv$ 9 ! consequ5ces4 ,"o1 :om we w call ,a41 _h committ$ ! crime3 b he c\ld only be prosecut$ if ,b41 :om he _h s]i\sly injur$1 cons5t$ to take action4 ,n[ my fri5d 0 deeply int]e/$ 9 ,a41 & he ?\ght he knew t ! "o *ance ( ,a4's salvation lay 9 8 be+ all[$ to g unpuni%$4 ,b ,"l ,b41 :o1 by ! way1 0 an ,iri% pe]1 ( no importance himself1 ?\gh 8 fa!r _h be5 well kn[n1 0 a h>d1 v9dictive man1 & _h publicly ann\nc$ 8 int5tion ( ru9+ ,a4 ,9 ?is /ate ( affairs my fri5d 0 ask$ to int]c$e by ,a4 & 8 fri5ds4 8,"l ,b4 liv$ 9 a l>ge c\ntry-h\se "s f\r or five miles f my fri5d's h\se4 ,he 0 an unm>ri$ man1 b g5]ally _h 8 h\se fairly full ( 8 fri5ds1 :o did n be> ! be/ possible reputation4 8,my fri5d arriv$ at ! h\se by appo9tm5t ) ,b41 :om he did n p]sonally "k1 t[>ds ! close ( a ra9y autumn aft]noon4 ,9 spite ( 8 anxiety he _h resolv$ to be guid$ z usual by ! int]ior monitor :om he _h le>nt to tru/1 & he _h h>dly ?\ght ( a s+le argum5t :i* he c\ld use4 ,yet he felt confid5t t he 0 "r 9 com+1 & equally confid5t t he w\ld "k :at to say :5 ! "t came4 ,z he got ne> ! h\se ?is confid5t s5se ( guidance increas$ to an ext5t t almo/ t]rifi$ him4 ,x seem$ to him1 z he walk$ "u ! dripp+ yell[ bran*es1 t a /rong1 almo/ physical1 oppression c>ri$ him =w>d4 ,z if 9 a dream he saw ! mans]vant appe> 9 answ] to 8 r+1 & he>d1 z f a great di/ance1 ! man tell him t ,"l ,b4 _h come 9 a little :ile be=e1 & 0 n[ expect+ him 9 ! smok+-room4 8,on ent]+ ! h\se ^! curi\s s5sations1 :i* he h>dly attempt$ to describe to me1 seem$ to dim9i% a little1 & he felt cool & confid5t4 ,he told me t ! s5se ( oppression re/+ on him 0 dispell$1 z if by a breeze1 z he pass$ along ! corridor on ! gr\nd floor on 8 way to ! smok+-room 9 ! we/ w+ ( ! h\se4 8,! s]vant ?rew op5 ! door & ann\nc$ him1 & my fri5d w5t ?r\gh1 & ! door clos$ beh9d him3 b ! mom5t he _h cross$ ! ?re%old he felt t some?+ 0 wrong4 8,!re 0 a circle ( m51 "s 9 %oot+ co/ume1 & "s z if !y _h n be5 out all day1 sitt+ 9 easy *airs r\nd ! fire1 :i* 0 to ! "r ( ! door4 ,my fri5d c\ld see mo/ ( _! faces1 & ,"l ,b4's face among !m1 z he paus$ at ! door2 b n "o (f]$ to move1 ?\gh all look$ curi\sly at him4 8,!re 0 sil5ce = a mom5t1 & !n ,"l ,b4 said sudd5ly & l\dly3 8#8,well1 "h's ! p>son at la/1 s]mon & all4' 8,& !n two or ?ree ( ! m5 laugh$4 8,my fri5d saw ( c\rse t ,"l ,b4 _h arrang$ ! int]view 9 ?is way simply 9 ord] to insult him1 & t he w\ld n be able to speak to him 9 private at all1 z he _h hop$4 ,!re 01 he told me1 j "o great heave ( ang] 9 8 he>t at ?is (f5sive behavi\r2 b he did 8 be/ to cru% x d[n1 & /ill /ood )\t speak+4 ,he _h n1 he said1 an idea :at to say or d1 s he /ood & wait$4 8,"l ,b4 got up 9 a mom5t & lit a cig>ette ) 8 back to my fri5d2 & !n turn$ & fac$ him1 lean+ aga9/ ! mantelpiece4 8#8,well1' he said1 #8we're all wait+4' 8,/ill !re 0 sil5ce4 ,"o ( ! m5 beyond ! fire sudd5ly laugh$4 8#8,n[ !n1' said ,"l ,b4 impati5tly1 #8= ,god's sake say :at y came to say1 & g4' 8,z ?is s5t5ce end$ my fri5d felt a curi\s s5sation run ov] him1 l ^? he _h exp]i5c$ 9 ! p>k1 b f> /rong]4 ,he c\ld nev] give me any description ( x1 except by say+ t x seem$ z if a =ce 7 lay+ hold ( him 9 e remote fibre ( 8 bodily & spiritual be+4 ,8 own w seem$ to give up ! control into "s /rong] h&1 & he felt a s5se ( be+ /eadi$ & quiet$4 8,!n he 0 aw>e t 8 own voice said a s+le s5t5ce ( "s half-doz5 words2 b ?\gh he he>d ea* ^w1 x 0 in/antly oblit]at$ f 8 m9d4 ,9 8 description ( x all to me aft]w>ds1 he said x 0 l words t we he> imm$iately be=e we fall asleep 9 a lecture-room or a railway c>riage3 ea* ^w is ,engli% & intelligible1 b ! s5t5ce conveys no impression4 8,:ile 8 voice spoke = p]haps two or ?ree seconds1 8 eyes 7 fix$ on ,"l ,b4's face1 & 9 t mom5t>y int]val he saw a t]rible fe> & a/oni%m5t sudd5ly /amp$ ^u x4 ,! m\? op5$ 9 loose l9es & ! cig>ette fell out1 & ,b4's h&s rose in/9ctively z if to keep my fri5d (f4 ,"o ( ! m51 too1 at ! fur!r end ( ! circle sudd5ly sprang erect1 ) ! same k9d ( implor+ horror on 8 face4 8,t 0 all t my fri5d _h "t to see2 = ! same p[] t _h laid hold ( him turn$ him imm$iately to ! door1 & he op5$ x & w5t out & d[n ! corridor4 ,z he w5t ! /range s5sation pass$1 b he felt ! sweat prick to 8 sk9 & !n p\r d[n 8 face4 ,he he>d1 too1 z he rea*$ ! end ( ! corridor1 a bell peal viol5tly some:]e4 ,he pass$ out into ! hall1 & ev5 z he op5$ ! front door a s]vant da%$ pa/ him ?r\gh ! hall & d[n ! corridor1 up :i* he _h j come4 8,he w5t /raight home1 feel+ t]ribly tir$ & ov]wr\ght1 & _h to g to b$ on rea*+ 8 h\se1 tortur$ by neuralgia4 8,two h\rs lat] a note 0 br\ght by a groom f ,"l ,b41 writt5 9 a %ak+ h&1 ) an abject apology = 8 reception 9 ! aft]noon2 an entreaty to him n to m5tion ! subject aga9 :i* he _h spok5 ( 9 ! sitt+-room1 ) a sc>cely veil$ (f] ( a bribe1 & an emphatic promise to )draw all proce$+s aga9/ ,a4 8,on ! foll[+ day he 0 told t ,"l ,b4 0 suppos$ to be unwell1 & t ! h\se-p>ty _h be5 hurri$ly brok5 up ! night be=e4 8,f t day to ?is he has nev] _h an idea ( :at ! s5t5ce 0 t 8 voice spoke t work$ su* a miracle40 8,t is a mo/ curi\s /ory10 ,i said4 8,:at d y make ( x80 ,! prie/ smil$4 8,i w tell y :at my fri5d made ( x4 ,he gave up 8 /udy ( my/icism1 yet )\t 9 any s5se condemn+ t l9e ( ?\ght ( :i* ,i h spok54 ,8 reasons1 :i* he expla9$ to me aft] com+ to a decision1 7 t su* a visitation might or might n be f ,god4 ,if x 7 n f ,god1 !n t prov$ t he _h be5 m$dl+ ) high ?+s1 & _h someh[ slipp$ "u "s o!r control4 ,if x 7 f ,god1 x might be t x 0 j = t v purpose t he _h be5 br\ght s f>1 b t he d>$ n pursue t pa? )\t "s di/9ct fur!r sign4 #8,9 any case1' he said1 #8no s\l c be lo/ by foll[+ ! simple & well-beat5 pa? ( ord9>y devotion & pray]4' ,& s he return$ to intellectual =ms ( m$itation1 su* z mo/ ,*ri/ians use4 ,he di$ a few ye>s ago1 full ( hol9ess & good works4 8,b = y !re are sev]al op9ions op54 ,ei!r t x 0 an int5sely /rong case ( hypnotic ?\ght-transf]5ce f ,"l ,b4 to my fri5d1 & t ! latt] only spoke me*anically ( some?+ t lay 9 ! =m]'s m9d2 or y may decide t ! :ole affair 0 ( ! ,evil ,"o1 & t ,a4 w\ld h be5 all ! bett] = prosecution1 & t an evil be+ someh[ f\nd entrance into ! /ra9$ nature ( my fri5d1 & us$ x = 8 own purposes2 or t ! prophetic gift 0 be/[$ on him1 b t ! ordeal 0 too fi]ce & he too c[>dly to claim x4 ,& !re are o!r solutions z well1 no d\bt possible4 8,= myself ,i ?9k ,i h =m$ my op9ion2 b ,i w\ld pref]1 z ,h]odotus says1 to keep x to myself40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,) ,dy$ ,g>m5ts ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,jesu1 well ought ,i love ,!e1 ,= ,?\ me %ewe/ ,?y rood-tree1 ,?y cr[n ( ?orns1 & nails ?ree1 ,! %>p spe> t pi]cd ,!e40 ,swete ,jhesu n[ wil ,i ,synge4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,) ,dy$ ,g>m5ts ,,:5 ! second po/ came 9 "o morn+ ,i saw a lett] address$ to ! prie/1 9 ! trembl+ l>ge *>act]s ( an old man's h&1 ly+ ^u ! slab 9 ! hall4 ,:5 ,i came 9 to lun* ,i f\nd ! old cl]gyman ) an op5 lett] 9 8 h&1 & 8 face full ( almo/ *ildi% happ9ess4 8,i h he>d f my olde/ fri5d10 he said1 mak+ a little movem5t ) ! lett]4 8,x is mon?s s9ce he has writt54 ,i h kn[n him ev] s9ce we 7 boys40 ,we sat d[n to lun*1 b he kept on ref]r+ to 8 fri5d1 & to ! pleasure ! lett] gave him4 8,we are always plann+ to meet10 he said to me pres5tly4 8,b we nev] c manage x4 ,we are bo? s old4 ,he is mu* m active ?an ,i am1 h[ev]4 ,he is full ( good works1 :ile ,i1 z y "k1 lead an idle life4 ,i c\ld n take *>ge ( a *ur*4 ,x is all ,i c d n[ to s]ve my own little *apel up/airs40 8,:]e is he work+80 ,i ask$4 8,i ?9k p]haps y fancy he is 9 ,holy ,ord]s1 b he is n4 ,he has be5 on ! ,/ock ,ex*ange till a few ye>s ago1 & n[ he is liv+ 9 ! c\ntry1 gett+ ready to die1 z he tells me4 ,b he is full ( good works2 8 lett] "h has news ab\t ! village1 & ( a man ^: acqua9tance he has made 9 ! read+-room !re1 :i* he himself built a ye> ago2 b he is full ( plans too1 & asks my advice40 8,x is n (t5 y come across a bus9ess man l t10 ,i said4 8,no1 he is wond]ful1 b he has be5 l t = ye>s4 ,he has done a great deal all 8 life among poor p 9 ,london4 ,= ye>s he nev] miss$ 8 two or ?ree nights a week 9 "s club1 or on "s committee1 or visit+ sick p40 ,i began to ?9k t x might h be5 ?r\gh ! fri5d%ip ( ! prie/ t ?is man _h be5 su* a work]4 ,b pres5tly he began aga94 8,p]haps ! mo/ wond]ful ?+ 0 ! way he fir/ began to d su* "w4 ,let me see1 h ,i m5tion$ 8 "n8 ,no8 ,!n ,i c tell y1 o!rwise x w\ld n be discreet2 t is--0 he add$1 8if y w\ld c>e to he>40 ,i told him ,i %\ld be v mu* int]e/$4 8,!n aft] lun* we w h c(fee 9 ! g>d51 & ,i w tell y40 ,:5 we _h sat d[n "u ! %ade ( a wall1 ) ! tall av5ue ( p9es opposite u mak+ a d>k tangl$ frieze aga9/ ! delicate sky1 he began4 8,:at ,i am go+ to tell y n[ has be5 ga!r$ p>tly f conv]sations ) my fri5d3 & p>tly f lett]s he has writt5 to me4 ,ye>s ago ,i jott$ d[n ! ord] ( ev5ts1 ) names & dates1 b t1 ( c\rse1 ,i fe> ,i _c %[ ev5 to y4 ,h[ev]1 ,i "k ! /ory well1 & y may rely on ! ma9 facts4 8,i mu/ tell y fir/ t _m ye>s ago n[1 my fri5d1 :o 0 ab\t =ty ye>s old1 _h lately become a p>tn] 9 8 fa!r's firm3 & ( c\rse 0 greatly occupi$ ) all ! details ( bus9ess4 ,x 0 a brok]'s firm1 well e/abli%$ & did a good /eady bus9ess4 ,my fri5d at t "t _h no idea ( do+ any "w outside 8 occupation4 ,i he>d him say 9 fact1 ab\t ?is "t1 t 8 "w seem$ to absorb all 8 en]gies & capacity4 ,!n ! fir/ ev5t ( ! s]ies took place4 8,he 0 com+ home "o fro/y aft]noon 9 ,decemb]1 betwe5 ?ree & f\r o'clock1 on ! top ( an omnibus4 ,he 0 sitt+ 9 front & look+ ab\t him4 ,he notic$ a poorly-dress$ man /&+ on ! pavem5t on ! "r-h& side1 z if he wi%$ to cross4 ,!n he began to cross1 & came at la/ "r up to ! omnibus on :i* my fri5d 0 sitt+1 & paus$ a mom5t to let x pass4 ,z he /ood !re1 my fri5d wat*+ him ) t li/less int]e/ ) :i* a tir$ man w obs]ve details1 a hansom cab mov+ quickly came 9 ! opposite direction4 ,x seem$ z if ! horse w\ld run ! man d[n4 ,x 0 too sudd5 to w>n him1 b ! man saw x1 & to avoid ! horse sprang quickly =w>d1 8 head half turn$ away1 & 8 feet came betwe5 ! front & back :eels ( ! omnibus4 ,!re 0 a jolt & a t]rible scream1 & my fri5d horrifi$ leant f> ov] ! side to see4 ,:5 ! omnibus _h pass$ ! man /ood = a mom5t on 8 cru%$ feet1 & !n sway$ =w>d & fell on 8 face4 ,my fri5d />t$ up & made a movem5t to g to him1 b sev]al o!rs _h se5 ! accid5t & ran to ! man1 & a policeman 0 cross+ quickly f ! o!r side1 s he sat d[n aga9 & ! omnibus c>ri$ him on4 8,n[ ?is horrible ?+ rema9$ 9 my fri5d's m9d1 haunt$ him1 %ock$ him pr(\ndly4 ,he c\ld n =get ! t]rible face ( pa9 t he _h se5 upturn$ = an in/ant1 & 8 imag9ation c>ri$ him on 9 spite ( himself to dwell on ! details ( ^? cru%$ feet4 ,he wrote me a long lett] a week or two aft]w>ds1 m9utely describ+ all t ,i h told y4 8,! foll[+ summ] he 0 go+ d[n to ! ,k5n+ton ,oval "o ,saturday aft]noon to see ! close ( "s fam\s cricket mat*4 ,he travell$ by ! ,und]gr\nd ,railway z f> z ,we/m9/]1 & f !re det]m9$ to walk at lea/ across ! ,bridge4 ,he walk$ on ! "r-h& side1 & _h rea*$ ! /eps ( ,/4 ,?omas' ,hospital4 ,he wait$ "h a mom5t undecid$ :e!r to walk on or drive4 8,z he wait$1 he half turn$ & saw a begg> sitt+ 9 ! angle betwe5 ! /eps & ! wall4 ,!re 0 a :ite dog beside him4 ,! begg>'s face 0 p>tly b&ag$2 b :at caught my fri5d's att5tion mo/ 7 8 two h&s4 ,!y 7 ly+ palms d[nw>ds on ! begg>'s knees1 b&ag$ l 8 face1 b 9 ! c5tre ( ea* 0 a d>k spot1 %[+ ?r\gh ! wrapp+1 z if !re 7 a fe/]+ w\nd t soak$ ?r\gh f und]nea?4 ,my fri5d look$ at him 9 disgu/ = a mom5t3 b t]ribly fasc9at$ by ^? quiet suff]+ h&s2 & !n he pass$ on4 ,b dur+ all t aft]noon he c\ld n =get ^? h&s4 ,i d>esay he 0 ov]wr\ght & n]v\s4 ,b 8 memory too w5t back to ! accid5t by ! ,m>ble ,ar*4 ,t night too1 z he told me 9 a conv]sation aft]w>ds1 z he toss$ ab\t1 8 w9d[s wide op5 to cat* ! night air1 half wak+ visions kept mov+ be=e him ( a man ) cru%$ feet & b&ag$ h&s1 :o moan$ & lift$ a drawn face to ! sky4 8,e>ly t autumn he 0 alone1 except = ! s]vants1 9 8 fa!r's h\se 9 ,london4 ,a maid 0 tak5 ill4 ,i =get ! nature ( ! illness1 b p]haps y w be able to id5tify x :5 ,i h f9i%$4 ,at any rate ! girl grew quickly worse4 ,"o morn+ j be=e he />t$ to ! ,city ! doctor1 :o _h call$ e>ly t morn+1 ask$ to h a ^w ) him1 & told him he ?\ght he ought to op]ate imm$iately1 & ask$ = 8 sanction4 8#8,well1' said my fri5d1 #8( c\rse ,i mu/ speak to ! girl ab\t x4 ,h y told h] yet8' 8#8,no1' said ! doctor1 #8,i ?\ght ,i %\ld m5tion x to y fir/4 ,i und]/& t ! girl has no relations 9 ! _w4' 8#8,c y tell me ! nature ( ! op]ation8' ask$ my fri5d4 8#8,x is n really s]i\s4 ,x is an incision 9 ! "r side1' & he add$ a few details expla9+ ! case4 8#8,well1' said my fri5d1 #8we _h bett] g up/airs toge!r4' 8,!y w5t up & f\nd ! girl p]fectly consci\s & reasonable4 ,%e cons5t$ to ! op]ation1 :i* 0 fix$ = t ev5+4 8,b all t day ! picture float$ be=e 8 eyes ( ! quiet room at ! top ( ! h\se1 & ! girl ly+ !re wait+4 ,& !n ! sc5e w\ld %ift a little4 ,& he w\ld see ! girl aft] x 0 ov]1 ) a b&age aga9/ h] side1 & ! k ( ! little w\nd b5ea?4 ,:5 he rea*$ home1 late 9 ! ev5+1 ! doctor 0 wait+ = him4 8#8,x has be5 p]fectly successful1' he said1 #8& ,i ?9k %e w recov]4' 8,n[1 t ev5+1 z my fri5d sat at ! d9n]-table alone1 smok+ & ?9k+1 8 old exp]i5ces came to 8 m9d aga94 ,9 less ?an a ye> he _h se5 ?ree ?+s1 none ( :i* seem$ to h any v close relation to him1 b ea* ( :i* _h deeply affect$ him4 ,he told me aft]w>ds t he began to suspect a design und]ly+ !m2 b he _h n a glimm] ( light1 /range z x may seem to y & me1 z to ! nature ( t design4 ,)9 a mon?1 h[ev]1 ,i receiv$ a lett] f him1 f "s place 9 ! c\ntry :]e he 0 /ay+1 describ+ ! foll[+ incid5t4 8,he _h gone d[n f a ,saturday to ,monday to a fri5d's h\se 9 ,surrey4 ,on ! ,sunday aft]noon he & 8 fri5d w5t = a walk ?r\gh "s woods4 ,autumn 0 9 full glory1 & ! trees 7 blaz+ 9 r$ & gold3 & ! bramble bran*es 7 weigh$ d[n ) purple fruit4 ,z !y walk$ toge!r along a grass ride !y he>d %\ts & laught] ( *ildr5 9 ! woods on "o side4 ,!y c\ld he> foot/eps patt]+ ?r\gh dry leaves1 & ! te>+ & trampl+ ( bru%wood2 & 9 a mom5t m a boy bur/ out ( ! ?9 h$ge1 tripp$ 9 a bramble1 & roll$ into ! grass walk4 ,he 0 up aga9 9 a mom5t laugh+ & flu%$1 b my fri5d saw across 8 =ehead a little ?9 r$ dott$ l9e :]e a ?orn _h scrat*$ him4 ,z ! boy laugh$ up into _! faces1 he lift$ 8 h& to 8 =ehead4 8#8,:y x's wet1' he said1 & !n1 look+ at 8 f+]s3 #8,:y1 x's blood6 ,i've scrat*$ myself4' 8,o!r foot/eps came runn+ ?r\gh ! und]gr[?1 & ! boy himself ran (f d[n ! road1 & ! foot/eps 9 ! wood /opp$1 retrac$ !mselves & di$ away 9 fa9t ru/l+s up ! hill4 ,b z my fri5d _h look$ he _h se5 9 8 memory ^? o!r exp]i5ces ( ! la/ ye>4 ,& all seem$ to conc5trate !mselves on "o ,figure--) w\nd$ feet & h&s & side--& a torn =ehead4 #8,my fri5d /ood quiet s long t 8 companion spoke to him & t\*$ 8 arm4 8#8,yes1 ,i am ready1' he said2 #8let u g home4' 8,! end ( ! lett] ,i _c quote to y4 ,x is too intimate & p]sonal4 ,b x end$ ) a reque/ to myself to give him an introduction to "s fri5d :o w\ld give him "w to d 9 "s poor di/rict4 ,& "w ( t k9d he has c>ri$ on ev] s9ce40 ,! old prie/'s voice ceas$4 8,!re is "o ?+ my fri5d did n "k10 he said aft] a mom5t4 8,:5 t p>ticul> op]ation on ! side is p]=m$1 ( :i* ,i h spok51 !re comes out blood & wat]4 ,a doctor w tell y s40 ,& !n3 8,t is my fri5d's /ory10 he said1 8,d y n ?9k x rem>kable80 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,unto ,babes ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,sa9t ,b]n>d speaks ( ! words ( ,job t he says3 #8,abscondit lucem 9 manibus' 7t is to say1 #8,god has light hid 9 ,8 h&s'7--#8,?\ wot well1 he t has a c&le a-light betwe5 8 h&s1 he may hide x & %ew x at 8 own w4 ,s does our ,"l to ,8 *os54'0 ,! ,abbey ( ! ,holy ,gho/4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,unto ,babes ,a ,,few days aft] ! conv]sation ,i h describ$ my visit to ! old man came to an end1 & my "w drew me back to ,london2 b ,i left beh9d me a promise to return & sp5d ,*ri/mas at 8 h\se4 ,he 9 ! meantime w\ld1 he promis$ me1 try to put toge!r "s o!r /ories = me aga9/ ! "t t ,i %\ld return4 ,!re 7 _m o!rs1 he said1 t he _h come across 9 8 life :i* he hop$ w\ld int]e/ me1 besides a few m p]sonal exp]i5ces ( 8 own4 ,& s ,i left him smil+ & wav+ to me f 8 b$room w9d[ t ov]look$ ! drive 7= ,i _h to g by an e>ly tra971 ) ! clean-%av5 face ( 8 old s]vant look+ at me discreetly & gravely f ! cle>-glass *apel w9d[ next to ! prie/'s room1 :]e he _h be5 sett+ ?+s ready be=e 8 ma/] 0 dress$4 99 99 99 99 99 ,x 0 a d>k w9t] aft]noon :5 ,i return$1 a week or s be=e ,*ri/mas4 ,! coa*man told me on my inquiry t 8 ma/] seem$ v mu* ag$ dur+ ! autumn & w9t]1 t he _h sc>cely left ! h\se s9ce ! leaves _h fall51 except to sit = an h\r or two 9 sun%9y wea!r 9 ! %elt]$ angle ( ! wall :]e 0 ! til$ plat=m t ,i h spok5 (2 & t he 0 afraid he _h be5 suff]+ f depression4 ,!re _h be5 days ( almo/ complete sil5ce1 at lea/ s ,p>k] _h told him1 :5 ! ma/] _h sat all day turn+ ov] lett]s & books & old draw]s4 ,i reproa*$ myself ) hav+ tr\bl$ ! old man ) dem&s = m /ories2 & fe>$ t x _h be5 9 ! attempt to please me t he _h fall5 brood+ ov] ! pa/1 p]haps dwell+ too mu* on sorr[s ( :i* ,i knew no?+4 ,z we pass$ "u ! p9es t toss$ _! sombre plumes 9 ! w9d1 ! sun1 break+ ?r\gh cl\ds 9 an angry glory on my "r1 blaz$ on ! little squ>e-pan$ w9d[s ( ! h\se on my left4 ,! *apel-w9d[ on ! top /ory seem$ especially full ( r$ light /ream+ f )91 b ! flame swept across ! upp] /ory z we drove pa/1 & left ! w9d[s blank & col\rless j be=e we turn$ ! corn] at ! back ( ! h\se4 ,! old man met me 9 ! hall1 & ,i 0 />tl$ to see ! *ange t _h come to him4 ,8 eyes seem$ l>g] ?an ev]1 & !re 0 a sorr[ 9 !m t ,i _h n se5 be=e4 ,!y _h be5 ! eyes ( a /a9less *ild1 wide & smil+2 n[ !y 7 ! eyes ( "o :o 0 "u "s burd5 almo/ too heavy to be borne4 ,9 ! /rong] light ( ! sitt+-room z ! c&les %one on 8 face1 ,i saw t my impression _h only be5 caus$ by a droop+ ( ! eyelids1 t n[ hung d[n a little fur!r4 ,b x look$ a tir$ face4 ,he welcom$ me1 & said sev]al *>m+ ?+s to me t ,i %\ld be a%am$ to quote1 b he made me feel t he 0 glad t ,i _h come2 & s ,i 0 glad too4 ,b he said among o!r ?+s ?is3 8,i am glad y h come n[1 because ,i ?9k ,i %all h some?+ fur!r to tell y4 ,i h _h indications dur+ ?is autumn t ! end is com+1 & ,i ?9k t if ,i h to pass ?r\gh a d>k valley1--& ,i feel t ,i am at its entrance ev5 n[1--,i ?9k t ,he w give me ,8 /aff z well z ,8 rod4 ,b ,i am an old man & full ( fancies1 s please d n "q me4 ,b ,i am v glad10 & he took my h& & /rok$ x = a mom5t1 8v glad t y are "h1 because ,i d n ?9k t y w be afraid40 ,dur+ ! foll[+ days he told me _m /ories1 br++ out ! old books & lett]s ( :i* ! coa*man _h spok51 & spell+ out notes ?r\gh 8 tortoise%ell glass1 z he sat by ! op5 fireplace 9 ! c5tral sitt+-room1 ) ! logs crackl+ & ov]run ) swift sp>ks z !y re/$ on _! b$ ( a%es4 ,! door into ! g>d5 :]e ! old drive _h once be5 0 n[ kept clos$1 & a heavy curta9 hung ov] x4 ,we did n g out v mu* toge!r--only 9 ! e>ly aft]noons we w\ld walk = an h\r or s1 he lean+ on my arm & on a /ick1 up & d[n ! t]rac$ walk t lay next ! drive "u ! p9es1 z ! sunset burn$ across ! hills l a f>-away judgm5t4 ,"s day p]haps ,i w write out "s ( ! /ories t he told me1 al?\gh n all4 ,i h ! notes by me4 ,"h is "o ( !m4 ,we 7 walk+ on "o ( ^! d>k w9t] aft]noons v sl[ly uphill t[>ds ! village t ! prie/ might get a *ange f ! g>d54 ,! morn+ _h be5 gu/y & wet1 ) sleet %[]s & ev5 a spr9kle ( pure sn[ z ! sky cle>$ aft] lun*-"t2 & n[ ! wea!r 0 settl+ d[n = a fro/1 & ! sn[ lay ?9ly "h & !re on ! rapidly h>d5+ gr\nd4 8,x is rem>kable10 ! old man 0 say+ to me1 8h[ 9 spite ( our ,"l's words p /ill ?9k t fai? is a matt] m or less ( intellect4 ,su* a phrase z #8intellig5t fai?' is1 ( c\rse1 /rictly mo/ incorrect40 ,he /opp$ & look$ at me z he said ?is1 z if prep>$ = dispute4 ,i did n disappo9t him4 8,y are v puzzl+20 ,i said4 8,i _c believe t y d n value intellect4 ,surely x is a gift ( ,god1 & !re=e may adorn fai?1 z any o!r gift may d40 8,yes10 he said1 walk+ on1 8x may adorn x2 b x has no?+ m to d ) x really ?an jewels h to d ) a beautiful woman4 ,9 fact1 sometimes fai? is f> m beautiful unadorn$1 & x is q possible to cru% a delicate & gr[+ fai? ) a weight ( le>n$ argum5ts int5d$ to adorn & p]fect x4 ,*ri/ian apologetics1 x seems to me1 are only really useful 9 ! m\? ( "o :o realises _! entire inadequacy4 ,y c demon/rate no?+ ( ,god4 ,y c1 by argum5ts1 draw a numb] ( l9es t conv]ge t[>ds ,god1 & r5d] ,8 exi/5ce & ,8 attributes probable2 b y _c rea* ,him along ^? l9es4 ,fai? dep5ds n on intellectual b on moral conditions4 #8,bless$ are ! pure 9 he>t1' said our ,savi\r1 n #8,bless$ are ! pr(\nd or acute ( intellect'--#8= !y %all see ,god4' ,x is c]ta9ly true ( intellectual z ( all o!r ri*es t !y :o possess !m %all f9d difficulty 9 ent]+ into ! k+dom ( ,god40 8,& s10 ,i said1 8y ?9k t intellectual p[]s are n ?+s to covet1 & t education is n a v important "q aft] all80 8,no m ?an weal?10 he answ]$1 8at lea/ s f> z y mean by education in/ruction 9 demon/rable facts or exact sci5ces4 ,! po9t ( our exi/5ce "h is to "k ,god4 ,well1 y "k = y\rself h[ ! race = weal? is ru9+ millions ( s\ls to-day4 ,no less surely is ke5 intellectual competition ru9+ s\ls4 ,mr4 ----1 = in/ance10 he said1 nam+ a well-kn[n critic & poet2 80 !re ev] a man ( ke5] & f9] intellect1 or ( m un]r+ in/9ct 9 matt]s ( lit]>y ta/e8 ,well1 once ,i talk$ ) t man mo/ ( a day on all 8 own subjects2 9 fact1 he did ne>ly all ! talk+1 & ,i 0 a/oni%$1 ,i mu/ confess1 at ! p]fection ( ! tra9+ ( 8 already brilliant p[]s4 ,s mu* ,i c\ld p]ceive1 ?\gh ( c\rse ,i c\ld n foll[ him4 ,& ( c\rse !re 7 _m delicate %ades ( beauty1 if n mu* m1 invisible to me 9 8 talk & criticism4 ,8 scale ( intellectual beauty ran up out ( my sight altoge!r4 ,b :at a/oni%$ me m 0 ! co>s5ess & dulness ( 8 spiritual in/9ct4 ,i w n call him a *ild 9 matt]s ( fai?1 because t w\ld be high praise2 b he 0 j an ill-br$ boor4 ,i h kn[n _m a ,sussex villag] ( f> pur] & f9] spiritual fibre4 ,no1 no2 fai? c & does exi/ q ap>t f intellect2 & to increase or develop ! "o (t5 means ! decrease & incoh]5ce ( ! o!r4 ,seigneur1 donnez-moi la foi du *>bonni]60 ,i mu/ confess t ?is 0 a new po9t ( view = me2 & ,i am n sure n[ :e!r ,i d n /ill ?9k x exagg]at$ & dang]\s2 b ,i said no?+1 because x did seem to op5 up difficult que/ions1 & also to ?r[ light on o!r difficult que/ions4 ,! prie/ turn$ to me aga9 z he walk$4 8,:y1 x mu/ be s10 he said2 8if x 7 n1 clev] p w\ld h a bett] hope ( salvation ?an /upid p2 & t is absurd--z absurd z if ri* p %\ld be ne>] ,god ?an poor p4 ,no1 no2 tal5ts are di/ribut$ unev5ly1 x is true3 to "o t5 & to ano!r five2 b ea* has "o p\nd1 all alike40 ,we _h rea*$ ! top ( ! slope1 & ! t[]+ h$ges _h gradually fall5 away1 s t we c\ld n[ see f> & wide ov] ! c\ntry4 ,away beh9d u1 z we paus$ = brea?1 we c\ld see ! mi/y ,brighton d[ns1 :ile 9 ! middle di/ance lay tumbl$ wood$ hills1 ) smoke beg9n+ to curl up "h & !re f ! ev5+ fires ( hidd5 villages4 ,! sky 0 cle> ov]head1 b 9 ! we/1 :]e ! sunset 0 beg9n+ to sm\ld]1 a few heavy cl\ds /ill l+]$4 8,& ,god sees all30 said ! prie/4 8,c y put up ) ano!r /ory z we walk home aga98 ,i ?9k ,i ought to be turn+ n[40 ,we turn$ & began to retrace our /eps d[nhill4 8,?is is n an exp]i5ce ( my own10 he said4 8,x 0 told me by a fri5d ( m9e 9 ,cornwall4 ,he 0 ! squire ( a little village a few miles out ( ,truro1 & liv$ !re mo/ ( ! ye> except a few weeks 9 ! spr+1 :5 he w\ld g abroad4 ,he 0 a man ( great le>n+ & ta/e1 b _h ! fai? ( a little *ild4 ,x 0 l a spr+ ( cle> wat] to he> him speak ( ,god & heav5ly ?+s4 8,!re 0 a boy 9 ! village :o 0 an idiot4 ,8 p>5ts 7 dead1 & he liv$ alone ) 8 old gr&mo!r1 :o 0 a /rict ,calv9i/1 & :o reg>d$ h] gr&son z hopelessly damn$ because 8 fai? & 8 expression ( x 7 n z h]s4 ,!re 7 evid5t signs1 %e said1 t ,god's inscrutable decrees 7 aga9/ him4 ,! local prea*]s !re w\ld h no?+ to d ) ! boy2 & ! cl]gyman ( ! p>i%1 aft] an attempt or two1 _h giv5 ! *ild up z hopeless4 ,i ?9k my fri5d told me t ! cl]gyman _h tri$ to tea* him ,old ,te/am5t hi/ory4 8,well1 ! boy 0 a t]rible & disgu/+ case4 ,i w n g into details beyond say+ t ! boy's head _h ! look ( a mule ab\t x2 8 "m1 ,i ?9k1 _h _h a fright %ortly be=e 8 bir?1 & ! boy us$ to ?9k sometimes t he 0 a horse or mule1 & ! village *ildr5 us$ to enc\rage him 9 x1 & ride & drive him on ! gre51 = he 0 q h>mless4 ,& s he grew up1 neglect$ & untaught1 sp5d+ mu* ( 8 "t out ( doors1 & creep+ home on all f\rs 9 ! ev5+1 snort+ & /amp+ & neigh+ :5 he 0 mu* excit$2 & he w\ld /able himself 9 a corn] ( ! wide d>k kit*51 & mun* grass2 :ile 8 gr&mo!r sat 9 h] high *air by ! fire read+ 9 h] ,bible1 or look+ ov] h] spectacles at ! poor mis%ap5 body 9 ! corn] t held a damn$ s\l4 8,n[ my fri5d hat$ to see ?is *ild4 ,x 0 ! "o ?+ t tr\bl$ 8 fai?4 ,^? :o h ! fai? ( *ildr5 h also ! tr\bles ( *ildr52 & ?is liv+ example be=e 8 eyes ( :at look$ l ! c>elessness ( ,god1 or worse1 0 a great] (f5ce to my fri5d's fai? ?an all infidel argum5ts1 or ! m]e k t su* ?+s happ5$4 8,on a c]ta9 ,*ri/mas ,eve my fri5d _h be5 a long tramp ov] ! hills ) a gue/ :o 0 /ay+ ) him = ! %oot+4 ,!y 7 return+ ?r\gh 8 own prop]ty t[>ds ev5+1 & 7 j dropp+ d[n f ! hill4 ,_! pa? lay along ! upp] edge ( an old disus$ /one-qu>ry1 ^: entrance lay p]haps a hundr$ y>ds away f ! valley-road t l$ into ! village--s x 0 a lonely & unfrequ5t$ place4 ,! ev5+ 0 clos+ 92 & my fri5d1 z he l$ ! way along ! pa?1 0 try+ to make out ! outl9es ( /ones & bu%es on ! floor ( ! qu>ry1 :i* lay p]haps sev5ty feet bel[ !m4 ,all at once 8 eye 0 caught by ! /eady glimm] ( light some:]e 9 ! dimness b5ea?1 & ! s\nd ( a voice4 ,he guess$ at once t !re 7 tramps bel[1 & 0 angry at ! ?\ght t !y mu/ h wilfully disreg>d$ ! notice he _h put up ab\t mak+ a fire s close to ! wood3 & he det]m9$ to turn !m out1 &1 if ne$ be1 to give !m %elt] = ! night 9 "o ( 8 own ou?\ses4 ,s he /opp$ & expla9$ to 8 fri5d :i* pa? w\ld take him home1 :ile t he himself int5d$ to make 8 way along ! lip ( ! qu>ry to ! entrance1 & !n to g on into its int]ior :]e ! tramps _h made _! camp2 & he promis$ to be at ! h\se five m9utes aft] 8 fri5d4 8,s !y sep>at$1 & he himself soon f\nd 8 way d[n a n>r[ ov]gr[n pa? t br\ght him to ! op5+ ( ! qu>ry4 8,x 0 a good deal d>k] "h1 z ! hill %ad[$ x f ! we/1 & high trees rose on "o side2 b he 0 able to /umble along ! /ony pa? :i* l$ to ! int]ior1 ?\gh x grew d>k] /ill z he w5t4 ,pres5tly he turn$ ! corn] ( a tall b\ld]1 & em]g$ into ! k9d ( semi-circus t =m$ ! he>t ( ! qu>ry3 be=e him1 ab\t a ?ird way up ! slope1 burn$ ! glimm] ( light he _h notic$ f above1 b ev5 z he saw x x w5t out3 my fri5d /ood 9 ! pa? & call$ out1 expla9+ :o he 01 n ?reat5+ at all1 b (f]+1 if x 0 any "o :o want$ %elt]1 to provide x = ! night4 ,!re 0 no answ]1 only ! s\nd ( scuffl+ 9 ! dimness 9 front1 & !n ! confus$ s\nd ( foot/eps scrambl+3 my fri5d ran =w>d1 call+1 & made out pres5tly an oddly %ap$ ?+ scrambl+ ov] ! silt & /one t[>ds a %\ld] ( rock t /ood out aga9/ ! sky on 8 left 7,i ?9k he said74 ,he tri$ to foll[1 b x 0 too d>k1 & aft] he _h /umbl$ once or twice1 he gave up ! pursuit4 ,9 a mom5t m ! climb+ figure /ood out cle> aga9/ ! sky = an in/ant1 & !n disappe>$3 & ! squire saw ) a %ock ( disgu/ ! mule-l head & tangl$ hair ris+ f ! high %\ld]s ( ! village idiot1 & 8 h&s dangl+ on ea* side ( him2 & he he>d a high-scream+ neigh+4 ,b at lea/1 he ?\ght to himself1 he w\ld g & see :at ! boy _h be5 do+4 8,he made 8 way up ! slope ( silt$ gravel & mud t lay aga9/ ! face ( ! rock1 & at la/ rea*$ a little plat=m app>5tly /amp$ & cut out at ! top ( ! skree j :]e x t\*$ ! qu>ry-side4 ,x 0 too d>k = him to di/+ui% any?+ cle>ly1 s he /ruck a mat* & held x 9 ! /ill %elt]$ air :ile he look$ ab\t him4 ,?is is :at he saw4 8,!re 0 a %ort halt]1 ) a k9d ( rude head-/all1 fa/5$ to a ru/y iron /aple driv5 into ! rock4 ,!re 0 a little pile ( cut grass bel[ x4 ,!re 0 a k9d ( mud tr\gh con/ruct$ aga9/ ! /one1 ) a little /raw spr9kl$ 9 x & holly b]ries & leaves 9 front ( x2 b ?is %[$ signs ( hav+ be5 ha/ily trampl$ d[n1 ?\gh p>ts ( x surviv$3 !re 7 m>ks ( hob-nail$ boots 9 x "h & !re4 ,s mu* my fri5d _h notic$ :5 ! mat* burn$ 8 f+]s3 b j be=e he dropp$ x he notic$ some?+ else :i* made him op5 8 box & light ano!r mat*3 & !n he saw ! end ( a f>?+ tap] /ick+ out ( ! gr\nd into :i* x _h be5 pu%$1 & ano!r cru%$ into a ball4 ,he drew out ! fir/ & light$ x1 & !n notic$ ?is la/ ?+4 ,q pla9ly m>k$ on ! s(t edge ( ! mud-tr\gh1 9 a place :i* ! hob-nail$ boots _h n t\*$1 0 ! m>k ( a t9y *ild's nak$ foot1 z if a baby _h /ood 9 ! tr\gh or mang]1 ) "o foot on ! floor & ano!r on ! edge4 8,n[ ,i d n "k :at y ?9k ( ?is1 b ,i "k :at my fri5d ?\ght ( x1 & :at ,i myself ?9k ( x4 ,b be=e he w5t home he w5t fir/ to ! cottage :]e ! boy liv$ & f\nd him z usual te!r$ 9 ! corn]1 ) 8 gr&mo!r nodd+ be=e ! fire4 ,! boy w\ld d no?+ b snort & /amp3 & ! gr&mo!r c\ld only say t t5 m9utes ago ! boy _h run 9 & gone /raight to 8 corn] z usual4 ,! squire ask$ :e!r ! boy _h be5 tru/$ ) a *ild by any "o2 b ! gr&mo!r said x 0 impossible4 ,nor inde$ did he ev] aft] he> a ^w ( a *ild hav+ be5 miss$ on t aft]noon4 8,!n1 be=e he w5t home1 he w5t to ! little *ur*1 already decorat$ = ! fe/ival1 & !re ) ! fragrance ( ! holly & yew 9 ! air ab\t him1 & ! glimm] ( a c&le ne> ! alt> :]e ! *ur*-clean] 0 sweep+1 he prais$ ! ,holy ,*ild ^: ,bir?-night x 01 & :o _h n disda9$ to lie 9 a mang] & be ador$ by ! bea/s ( ! /all4 8,! foll[+ morn+ on 8 way back f *ur* he w5t to ! qu>ry aga9 ) 8 fri5d to %[ him :at he _h se52 b ! mang] & ! holly-b]ries & crumpl$ tap] 7 all gone1 & !re 0 no?+ to see b ! iron /aple & ! plat=m beat5 h>d & flat40 ,we _h rea*$ ! av5ue ( p9es by n[ t l$ to ! h\se1 & turn$ 9 by ! little g>d5-gate4 8,! /ory seems to %[10 ! prie/ add$1 8t intellect has n mu* to d ) ! k ( ,god2 & t ! ?+s :i* ,he hides f ! wise & prud5t ,he reveals to babes40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,travell] ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,i am amaz$1 n t ! ,travell] returns f t ,b\rne1 b t he returns s seldom40 ,! ,pilgrims' ,way4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,travell] ,,on "o ( ^! ev5+s z we sat toge!r aft] d9n] 9 front ( ! wide op5 fireplace 9 ! c5tral room ( ! h\se1 we began to talk on t old subject--! relation ( ,sci5ce to ,fai?4 8,x is no wond]10 said ! prie/1 8if _! conclusions appe> to diff]1 to %all[ m9ds :o ?9k t ! la/ words are be+ said on bo? sides2 because _! /&po9ts are s diff]5t4 ,! sci5tific view is t y are n ju/ifi$ 9 committ+ y\rself "o in* ahead ( y\r intellectual evid5ce3 ! religi\s view is t 9 ord] to f9d out any?+ wor? kn[+ y\r fai? mu/ always be a little 9 advance ( y\r evid5ce2 y mu/ advance en *elon4 ,!re is ! pr9ciple ( our ,"l's promises4 #8,act z if x 7 true1 & light w be giv54' ,! sci5ti/ on ! o!r h& says1 #8,d n presume to commit y\rself until light is giv54' ,! diff]5ce betwe5 ! me?ods lies1 ( c\rse1 9 ! fact t ,religion admits ! he>t & ! :ole man to ! witness-box1 :ile ,sci5ce only admits ! head--sc>cely ev5 ! s5ses4 ,yet surely ! evid5ce ( exp]i5ce is on ! side ( ,religion4 ,e really great a*ievem5t is inspir$ by motives ( ! he>t1 & n ( ! head2 by feel+ & passion1 n by a calculation ( probabilities4 ,& s are ! my/]ies ( ,god unveil$ by ^? :o c>ry !m fir/ by assault2 #8,! ,k+dom ( ,heav5 suff]e? viol5ce2 & ! viol5t take x by =ce4' 8,= example10 he cont9u$ aft] a mom5t1 8! sci5tific view ( haunt$ h\ses is t !re is no evid5ce = !m beyond t :i* may be acc\nt$ = by telepa?y1 a k9d ( ?\ght-read+4 ,yet if y c p5etrate t v5e] ( sci5tific ?\ght t is s common n[1 y f9d t by f> ! l>g] "p ( mank9d /ill believes 9 !m4 ,practically n "o ( u really accepts ! sci5tific view z an adequate "o40 8,h y ev] _h an exp]i5ce ( t k9d y\rself80 ,i ask$4 8,well10 said ! prie/1 smil+1 8y are sure y w n laugh at x8 ,!re is no?+ common] ?an to ?9k su* ?+s a subject = hum\r2 & t ,i _c be>4 ,ea* su* /ory is sacr$ to "o p]son at ! v lea/1 & !re=e %\ld be to all rev]5t p40 ,i assur$ him t ,i w\ld n treat 8 /ory ) disrespect4 8,well10 he answ]$1 8,i d n ?9k y w1 & ,i w tell y4 ,x only happ5$ a v few ye>s ago4 ,?is 0 h[ x began3 8,a fri5d ( m9e 01 & is /ill1 9 *>ge ( a *ur* 9 ,k5t1 :i* ,i w n "n2 b x is )9 tw5ty miles ( ,cant]bury4 ,! di/rict fell into ,ca?olic h&s a good _m ye>s ago4 ,i receiv$ a telegram1 9 ?is h\se1 a day or two be=e ,*ri/mas1 f my fri5d1 say+ t he _h be5 sudd5ly seiz$ ) a v bad attack ( influ5za1 :i* 0 deva/at+ ,k5t at t "t2 & ask+ me to come d[n1 if possible at once1 & take 8 place ov] ,*ri/mas4 ,i _h only lately giv5 up active "w1 ow+ to gr[+ infirmity1 b x 0 impossible to resi/ ?is appeal2 s ,p>k] pack$ my ?+s & we w5t toge!r by ! next tra94 8,i f\nd my fri5d really ill1 & q incapable ( do+ any?+2 s ,i assur$ him t ,i c\ld manage p]fectly1 & t he ne$ n be anxi\s4 8,on ! next day1 a ,w$nesday1 & ,*ri/mas ,eve1 ,i w5t d[n to ! little *ur* to he> confessions4 ,x 0 a beautiful old *ur*1 ?\gh t9y1 & full ( int]e/+ ?+s3 ! old alt> _h be5 set up aga92 !re 0 a rood-l(t ) a /aircase lead+ on to x2 & an awmbry on ! nor? ( ! sanctu>y _h be5 fitt$ up z a receptacle = ! ,mo/ ,holy ,sacram5t1 in/ead ( ! old hang+ pyx4 ,"o ( ! mo/ int]e/+ discov]ies made 9 ! *ur* 0 t ( ! old confessional4 ,9 ! l[] half ( ! rood-scre51 on ! s\? side1 a squ>e hole _h be5 f\nd1 fill$ up ) an ins]tion ( oak2 b an antiqu>ian ( ! ,alcu9 ,club1 :om my fri5d _h ask$ to exam9e ! *ur*1 decl>$ t ?is )\t d\bt 0 ! place :]e 9 ! pre-,re=mation times confessions 7 he>d4 ,s x _h be5 re/or$1 & put to its anci5t use2 & n[ on ?is ,*ri/mas ,eve ,i sat )9 ! *ancel 9 ! dim fragrant light1 :ile p5it5ts came & knelt outside ! scre5 on ! s+le /ep1 & made _! confessions ?r\gh ! old op5+4 8,i "k ?is is a great platitude1 b ,i nev] c look at a piece ( old furniture )\t a curi\s ?rill at a ?+ t has be5 s mu* saturat$ ) human emotion2 b1 above all t ,i h ev] se51 ,i ?9k t ?is old confessional mov$ me4 ,?r\gh t little op5+ _h come s _m ?\s&s ( s9s1 great & little1 weight$ ) sorr[2 & back aga91 9 ,div9e ex*ange = ^? burd5s1 _h return$ ! balm ( ! ,savi\r's blood4 #8,behold6 a door op5$ 9 heav51' ?r\gh :i* t /range comm]ce ( s9 & grace may be c>ri$ on--grace press$ d[n & runn+ ov]1 giv5 into ! bosom 9 ex*ange = s96 ,o bonum comm]cium60 ,! prie/ 0 sil5t = a mom5t1 8 eyes gl[+4 ,!n he w5t on4 8,well1 ,*ri/mas ,day & ! ?ree foll[+ fe/ivals pass$ away v happily4 ,on ! ,sunday night aft] s]vice1 z ,i came out ( ! ve/ry1 ,i saw a *ild wait+4 ,%e told me1 :5 ,i ask$ h] if %e want$ me1 t h] fa!r & o!rs ( h] family wi%$ to make _! confessions on ! foll[+ ev5+ ab\t six o'clock4 ,!y _h _h influ5za 9 ! h\se1 & _h n be5 able to come out be=e2 b ! fa!r 0 go+ to "w next day1 z he 0 s mu* bett]1 & w\ld come1 if x pleas$ me1 & "s ( 8 *ildr5 to make _! confessions 9 ! ev5+ & _! communions ! foll[+ morn+4 8,monday dawn$1 & ,i (f]$ ! ,holy ,sacrifice z usual1 & sp5t ! morn+ *iefly ) my fri5d1 :o 0 n[ able to sit up & talk a good deal1 ?\gh he 0 n yet all[$ to leave 8 b$4 8,9 ! aft]noon ,i w5t = a walk4 8,all ! morn+ !re _h re/$ a depression on my s\l su* z ,i h n (t5 felt2 x 0 ( a peculi> quality4 ,e s\l t tries1 h[ev] poorly1 to s]ve ,god1 kn[s by exp]i5ce ^? heav9esses by :i* our ,"l te/s & confirms ,8 own3 b x 0 n l t4 ,an elem5t ( t]ror m+l$ ) x1 z ( imp5d+ evil4 8,z ,i />t$ = my walk along ! high road ?is depression deep5$4 ,!re seem$ no physical reason = x t ,i c\ld p]ceive4 ,i 0 well myself1 & ! wea!r 0 fair2 yet air & ex]cise did n affect x4 ,i turn$ at la/1 ab\t half-pa/ ?ree o'clock1 at a mile/one t m>k$ sixte5 miles to ,cant]bury4 8,i re/$ !re = a mom5t1 look+ to ! s\?-ea/1 & saw t f> on ! horizon heavy cl\ds 7 ga!r+2 & !n ,i />t$ homew>ds4 ,z ,i w5t ,i he>d a f>-away boom1 z ( di/ant guns1 & ,i ?\ght at fir/ t !re 0 "s sea-=t to ! s\? :]e artill]y practice 0 be+ held2 b pres5tly ,i notic$ t x 0 too irregul> & prolong$ = ! report ( a gun2 & !n x 0 ) a s5se ( relief t ,i came to ! conclusion x 0 a f>-away ?und]/orm1 = ,i felt t ! /ate ( ! atmosph]e might expla9 away ?is depression t s tr\bl$ me4 ,! ?und] seem$ to come ne>]1 peal$ m l\dly ?ree or f\r times & ceas$4 8,b ,i felt no relief4 ,:5 ,i rea*$ home a little aft] f\r ,p>k] br\ght me 9 "s tea1 & ,i fell asleep aft]w>ds 9 a *air be=e ! fire4 ,i 0 wak5$ aft] a tr\bl$ & unhappy dream by ,p>k] br++ 9 my coat & tell+ me x 0 "t to keep my appo9tm5t at ! *ur*4 ,i c\ld n rememb] :at my dream 01 b x 0 s9i/] & sugge/ive ( evil1 &1 ) ! %r$s ( x /ill cl++ to me1 ,i look$ at ,p>k] ) some?+ ( fe> z he /ood sil5tly by my *air hold+ ! coat4 8,! *ur* /ood only a few /eps away1 = ! g>d5 & *ur*y>d adjo9$ "o ano!r4 ,z ,i w5t d[n c>ry+ ! lant]n t ,p>k] _h light$ = me1 ,i rememb] he>+ f> away to ! s\?1 beyond ! village1 ! beat ( a horse's ho(s4 ,! horse seem$ to be 9 a gallop1 b pres5tly ! noise di$ away beh9d a ridge4 8,:5 ,i ent]$ ! *ur* ,i f\nd t ! sacri/an _h light$ a c&le or two z ,i _h ask$ him1 & ,i c\ld j make out ! kneel+ figures ( ?ree or f\r p 9 ! nor? aisle4 8,:5 ,i 0 ready ,i took my seat 9 ! *air set beyond ! scre51 at ! place ,i h describ$2 & !n1 "o by "o1 ! lab\r] & 8 *ildr5 came up & made _! confessions4 ,i rememb] feel+ aga91 z on ,*ri/mas ,eve1 ! /range *>m ( ?is old place ( p5it5ce1 s r$ol5t ( ,god & man1 ea* 9 8 t5d]e/ "* ( ,savi\r & p5it5t2 ) ! r$ light burn+ l a lum9\s fl[] 9 ! d>k be=e me1 to rem9d me h[ ,god 0 inde$ tab]nacl+ ) m51 & 0 _! ,god4 8,n[ ,i d n "k h[ long ,i _h be5 !re1 :5 aga9 ,i he>d ! beat ( a horse's ho(s1 b ?is "t 9 ! village j bel[ ! *ur*y>d2 !n aga9 !re fell a sudd5 sil5ce4 ,!n pres5tly a gu/ ( w9d flung ! door wide1 & ! c&les began to gutt] & fl>e 9 ! draught4 ,"o ( ! girls w5t & clos$ ! door4 8,pres5tly ! boy :o 0 kneel+ by me at t "t f9i%$ 8 confession1 receiv$ absolution & w5t d[n ! *ur*1 & ,i wait$ = ! next1 n kn[+ h[ _m !re 74 8,aft] wait+ a m9ute or two ,i turn$ 9 my seat1 & 0 ab\t to get up1 ?9k+ !re 0 no "o else1 :5 a voice :isp]$ %>ply ?r\gh ! hole a s+le s5t5ce4 ,i c\ld n cat* ! words1 b ,i suppos$ !y 7 ! usual =mula = ask+ a bless+1 s ,i gave ! bless+ & wait$1 a little a/oni%$ at n hav+ he>d ! p5it5t come up4 8,!n ! voice began aga940 ,! prie/ /opp$ a mom5t & look$ r\nd1 & ,i c\ld see t he 0 trembl+ a little4 8,w\ld y r n g on80 ,i said4 8,i ?9k x di/urbs y to tell me40 8,no1 no10 he said2 8x is all "r1 b x 0 v dreadful--v dreadful40 8,well1 ! voice began aga9 9 a l\d quick :isp]1 b ! odd ?+ 0 t ,i c\ld h>dly und]/& a ^w2 !re 7 j phrases "h & !re1 l ! "n ( ,god & ( our ,lady1 t ,i c\ld cat*4 ,!n !re 7 a few old ,fr5* words t ,i knew2 #8le roy' came ov] & ov] aga94 ,j at fir/ ,i ?\ght x mu/ be "s extreme =m ( dialect unkn[n to me2 !n ,i ?\ght x mu/ be a v old man :o 0 deaf1 because :5 ,i tri$1 aft] a few s5t5ces1 to expla9 t ,i c\ld n und]/&1 ! p5it5t paid no att5tion1 b :isp]$ on quickly )\t a pause4 ,pres5tly ,i c\ld p]ceive t he 0 9 a t]rible /ate ( m9d2 ! voice broke & sobb$1 & !n almo/ cri$ out1 b /ill 9 ?is l\d :isp]2 !n on ! o!r side ( ! scre5 ,i c\ld he> f+]s work+ & mov+ uneasily1 z if entreat+ admittance at "s b>r$ door4 ,!n at la/ !re 0 sil5ce = a mom5t1 & !n pla9ly "s clos+ =mula 0 repeat$1 :i* gradually grew l[] & ceas$4 ,!n1 z ,i rose1 mean+ to come r\nd & expla9 t ,i _h n be5 able to he>1 a l\d moan or two came f ! p5it5t4 ,i /ood up quickly & look$ ?r\gh ! upp] "p ( ! scre51 & !re 0 no "o !re4 8,i c give y no idea ( :at a %ock t 0 to me4 ,i /ood !re gl>+1 ,i suppose1 ?r\gh ! scre5 d[n at ! empty /ep = a mom5t or two1 & p]haps ,i said some?+ al\d1 = ,i he>d a voice f ! end ( ! *ur*4 8#8,did y call1 sir8'0 ,& !re /ood ! sacri/an1 ) 8 keys & lant]n1 ready to lock up4 8,i /ill /ood )\t answ]+ = a mom5t1 & !n ,i spoke2 my voice s\nd$ oddly 9 my e>s4 8#8,is !re any "o else1 ,williams8 ,are !y all gone8' or some?+ l t4 8,williams lift$ 8 lant]n & look$ r\nd ! dusky *ur*4 8#8,no1 sir2 !re is no "o4' 8,i cross$ ! *ancel to g to ! ve/ry1 b z ,i 0 half-way1 sudd5ly aga9 9 ! quiet village !re broke out ! desp]ate gallop ( a horse4 8#8,!re6 !re6' ,i cri$1 #8d y he> t8' 8,williams came up ! *ur* t[>ds me4 8#8,are y ill1 sir8' he said4 #8,%all ,i fet* y\r s]vant8' 8,i made an ef=t & told him x 0 no?+2 b he insi/$ on see+ me home3 ,i did n l to ask him :e!r he _h he>d ! gallop ( ! horse2 =1 aft] all1 ,i ?\ght1 p]haps !re 0 no connection betwe5 t & ! voice t :isp]$4 8,i felt v mu* %ak5 & di/urb$2 & aft] d9n]1 :i* ,i took alone ( c\rse1 ,i ?\ght ,i w\ld g to b$ v soon4 ,on my way up1 h[ev]1 ,i look$ into my fri5d's room = a few m9utes4 ,he seem$ v bright & eag] to talk1 & ,i /ay$ v mu* long] ?an ,i _h int5d$4 ,i said no?+ ( :at _h happ5$ 9 ! *ur*2 b li/5$ to him :ile he talk$ ab\t ! village & ! neighb\rhood4 ,f9ally1 z ,i 0 on ! po9t ( bidd+ him good-night1 he said some?+ l ?is3 8#8,well1 ,i mu/n't keep y1 b ,i've be5 ?9k+ :ile y've be5 9 *ur* ( an old /ory t is told by antiqu>ians ab\t ?is place4 ,!y say t "o ( ,/4 ,?omas ,becket's murd]]s came "h on ! v ev5+ ( ! murd]4 ,x is 8 day1 to-day1 y "k1 & t is :at put me 9 m9d ( x1 ,i suppose40 8,:ile my fri5d said ?is1 my old he>t began to beat furi\sly2 b1 ) a /rong ef=t ( self-control1 ,i told him ,i %\ld l to he> ! /ory4 8#8,oh6 !re's no?+ mu* to tell1' said my fri5d2 #8& !y don't "k :o x's suppos$ to h be52 b x is said to h be5 ei!r "o ( ! f\r knights1 or "o ( ! m5-at-arms4' 8#8,b h[ did he come "h8' ,i ask$1 #8& :at =8' 8#8,oh6 he's suppos$ to h be5 9 t]ror = 8 s\l1 & t he ru%$ "h to get absolution1 :i*1 ( c\rse1 0 impossible4' 8#8,b tell me1' ,i said4 #8,did he come "h alone1 or h[8' 8#8,well1 y "k1 aft] ! murd] !y ransack$ ! ,ar*bi%op's h\se & /ables3 & x is said t ?is man got "o ( ! fa/e/ horses & rode l a madman1 n kn[+ :]e he 0 go+2 & t he da%$ into ! village1 & into ! *ur* :]e ! prie/ 03 & !n aft]w>ds1 m\nt$ aga9 & rode (f4 ,! prie/1 too1 is buri$ 9 ! *ancel1 some:]e1 ,i believe4 ,y see x's a v vague & improbable /ory4 ,at ! ,gateh\se at ,mall+1 too1 y "k1 !y say t "o ( ! knights slept !re ! night aft] ! murd]4' 8,i said no?+ m2 b ,i suppose ,i look$ /range1 because my fri5d began to look at me ) "s anxiety1 & !n ord]$ me (f to b$3 s ,i took my c&le & w5t4 8,n[10 said ! prie/1 turn+ to me1 8t is ! /ory4 ,i ne$ n say t ,i h ?\ght ab\t x a great deal ev] s9ce3 & !re are only two !ories :i* appe> to me cr$ible1 & two o!rs1 :i* w\ld no d\bt be sugge/$1 :i* appe> to me incr$ible4 8,fir/1 y may say t ,i 0 obvi\sly unwell3 my previ\s depression & dream+ %[$ t1 & !re=e t ,i dreamt ! :ole ?+4 ,if y wi% to ?9k t--well1 y mu/ ?9k x4 8,secondly1 y may say1 ) ! ,psy*ical ,rese>* ,society1 t ! :ole ?+ 0 transmitt$ f my fri5d's bra9 to m9e2 t 8 0 9 an en]getic1 & m9e 9 a passive /ate1 or some?+ ( ! k9d4 8,^! two !ories w\ld be call$ #8sci5tific1' :i* t]m means t !y are n a hair's-bread? 9 advance ( ! facts ) :i* ! intellect1 a poor in/rum5t at ! be/1 is capable ( deal+4 ,& ^! two #8sci5tific' !ories create 9 _! turn a new brood ( insoluble difficulties4 8,or y may take y\r /& ^u ! spiritual _w1 & use ! faculties :i* ,god has giv5 y = deal+ ) x1 & !n y w no long] be helplessly puzzl$1 & y\r intellect w no long] ov]/ra9 itself at a task = :i* x 0 nev] made4 ,& y may say1 ,i ?9k1 t y pref] "o ( two !ories4 8,fir/1 t human emotion has a p[] ( influ5c+ or saturat+ inanimate nature4 ,( c\rse ?is is only ! old famili> sacram5tal pr9ciple ( all creation4 ,! expressions ( y\r face1 = in/ance1 caus$ by ! %ift+ ( ! *emical p>ticles ( :i* x is compos$1 v>y ) y\r v>y+ emotions4 ,?us we might say t ! viol5t passions ( hatr$1 ang]1 t]ror1 remorse1 ( ?is poor murd]]1 sev5 hundr$ ye>s ago1 comb9$ to make a pot5t spiritual fluid t bit s deep into ! v place :]e x 0 all p\r$ out1 t "u c]ta9 circum/ances x is reproduc$4 ,a phonograph1 = example1 is a v co>se p>allel1 9 :i* ! vibrations ( s\nd translate !mselves fir/ into t]ms ( wax1 & !n re-em]ge aga9 z vibrations :5 c]ta9 conditions are fulfill$4 8,or1 secondly1 y may be old-fa%ion$ & simple1 & say t by "s law1 va/ & inexorable1 beyond our p]ception1 ! p]sonal _s ( ! v man is *a9$ to ! place1 & =c$ to expiate 8 s9 aga9 & aga91 ye> by ye>1 by attempt+ to express 8 grief & to seek =giv5ess1 )\t ! possibility ( receiv+ x4 ,( c\rse we d n "k :o he 02 :e!r "o ( ! knights :o aft]w>ds did receive absolution1 :i* possibly 0 n ratifi$ by ,god2 or "o ( ! m5-at-arms :o assi/$1 & :o1 z an anonym\s *ronicle says1 #8s9e confessione et viatico subito rapti sunt4' 8,!re is no?+ mat]iali/ic1 ,i ?9k1 9 believ+ t spiritual be+s may be b\nd to express !mselves )9 limits ( "t & space2 & t inanimate nature1 z well z animate1 may be ! vehicles ( ! unse54 ,argum5ts aga9/ su* possibilities h surely1 once = all1 be5 sil5c$1 = ,*ri/ians at any rate1 by ! ,inc>nation & ! ,sacram5tal sy/em1 ( :i* ! :ole pr9ciple is t ! ,inf9ite & ,et]nal did once1 & does /ill1 express ,itself "u =ms ( inanimate nature1 9 t]ms ( "t & space4 8,) reg>d to ano!r po9t1 p]haps ,i ne$ n rem9d y t a ?und]/orm broke ov] ,cant]bury on ! day & h\r ( ! actual murd] ( ! ,ar*bi%op40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,sorr[s ( ! ,_w ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8444 quell' ombre or&o1 &avan sotto il pondo simile a quel *e talvolta si sogna1 disp>m5te angosciate tutte a tondo e lasse su p] la prima cornice1 purg&o le calig9e del mondo40 ,il ,purgatorio4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,sorr[s ( ! ,_w ,,z ! days w5t on ,i became m reassur$ ab\t my fri5d4 ,p>k] told me !re 0 an improvem5t s9ce ,i _h come3 & ! %ad[ 9 8 eyes seem$ a little light5$4 ,on ,*ri/mas ,eve ! ,rector call$1 & !y 7 %ut up toge!r 9 ! *apel = an h\r aft] tea2 & ! old man1 ,i suppose1 made 8 confession4 ,he seem$ bright] ?an ev] t ev5+1 & told me /ory aft] /ory aft] d9n]1 old tales ( :5 he 0 a *ild4 ,on ,*ri/mas morn+ he celebrat$ ! ,holy ,my/]ies z usual 9 ! *apel1 & ,i receiv$ ! ,communion at 8 h&s4 ,we w5t to *ur* 9 ! br\gham1 & t 0 ! la/ "t ! old prie/ 0 se5 9 public4 ,!re 0 int5se curiosity ab\t him 9 ! village1 z well z ! greate/ rev]5ce & love = him1 & ,i notic$ a ripple ( int]e/ along ! b5*es z we pass$ up to ! ,hall pew4 ,on ! ev5+ ( ,*ri/mas ,day he _h provid$ a ,*ri/mas tree 9 ! s]vants' hall2 b we only look$ 9 = a mom5t :5 ! %\t+ 0 at its l\de/1 & he nodd$ at a *ild or two :o caught sight ( him1 & ,i saw 8 :ole face k9dle ) joy & t5d]ness1 & !n we w5t back to ! fire 9 ! sitt+-room4 ,! morn+ ( ,/4 ,john's ,day broke d>k & heavy4 ,we _h to h c&les at breakfa/1 & ! old man seem$ curi\sly *ang$ & depress$ aga94 ,he h>dly spoke at all1 & look$ at me almo/ res5tfully1 l an ov]wr\ght *ild1 :5 ,i fail$ to bl[ out ! _s lamp at ! fir/ attempt4 ,all day long ! gloom outside seem$ to ga!r1 ! sun w5t d[n 9 a pale sky b>r$ ) indigo1 & ! w9d began to rise4 ,! old man1 aft] a ^w or two1 w5t to 8 room soon aft] d9n]1 & ,i und]/ood f ,p>k]1 :o pres5tly came 91 t ! ma/] 0 exce$+ly sorry = 8 disc\rtesy1 b t he did n feel equal to conv]sation1 & int5d$ to g to b$ e>ly1 & t he w\ld be oblig$ if ,i c\ld manage to amuse myself alone t ev5+4 ,b ,i too w5t up/airs e>ly1 feel+ a little uneasy4 ,on ! top l&+ ( ! nor? end ( ! h\se !re are ?ree doors3 ! c5tral "o is ! *apel door2 t on ! "r1 approa*$ by two little /eep /eps ( its own1 0 ! prie/'s room2 t on ! left opposite 0 my own room4 ,z ,i w5t 91 ,i notic$ t a light %one f "u ! *apel door1 & t 8 own door 0 wide op51 %[+ ! flick]+ light ( ! fire )94 ,z ,i paus$ ,i saw ,p>k] pass across ! doorway1 & call$ to him 9 a l[ voice4 8,yes1 sir2 he's fairly well1 ,i ?9k10 he answ]$ to my inquiry4 8,he is 9 ! *apel j n[1 & is com+ to b$ directly4 ,he told me j n[1 sir1 too1 to ask :e!r y w\ld s]ve him to-morr[ morn+40 8,c]ta9ly10 ,i said2 8b are y sure he ought to get up8 ,he has n be5 well all day40 8,well1 sir10 said ,p>k]2 8,i w d my be/ to p]suade him to /ay 9 b$1 & w let y "k if ,i succe$1 b ,i d\bt :e!r ! ma/] w be p]suad$40 ,z ,i cross$ outside ! *apel door to g to my own room ,i he>d a murmur f )91 ) a ^w or two :i* ,i _c write d[n4 ,be=e ,i 0 9 b$ ,i he>d ! *apel door op51 & foot/eps g up ! little /eps opposite1 & ! door close4 ,pres5tly x op5$ aga92 & !n a tap at my door4 8,x's only me1 sir10 said ,p>k]'s voice4 8,may ,i speak to y a mom5t80 & !n he came 9 ) a c&le 9 8 h&4 8,i'm n easy ab\t him1 sir10 he said4 8,b he won't let me sleep 9 8 room1 z ,i ask$4 ,i've come to ask y :e!r y w let me lie d[n on y\r s(a4 ,i don't l to leave him4 ,my own room is at ! o!r end ( ! h\se4 ,excuse me1 sir1 if ,i've ask$ :at ,i %\ldn't4 ,b ,i don't l to sleep on ! l&+ = fe> he %\ld look out & see me1 & be displeas$40 ,( c\rse ,i ass5t$1 almo/ eag]ly1 = ,i felt a /range discom=t & lonel9ess myself4 ,p>k] w5t noiselessly d[n/airs & got a rug or two & a pill[1 & !n1 ) _m apologies1 lay d[n on ! s(a ne> ! w9d[4 ,my b$ /ood at ! o!r end ( ! long n>r[ room "u ! slop+ side ( ! ro(4 ,i blew ! c&les out pres5tly1 & ! room 0 9 d>kness4 ,i c\ld n sleep at fir/4 ,i 0 anxi\s = my fri5d1 & ,i lay & li/5$ = ! slighte/ s\nd f ! l&+4 ,b ,p>k]'s face1 z ,i _h se5 x z he _h /ood ) ! c&le 9 8 h&1 reassur$ me t he too w\ld be on ! wat*4 ,! w9d _h half di$ d[n aga94 ,only !re came gu/s f "t to "t t %ook ! lead$ w9d[s4 ,gradually ,i began to doze1 !n ,i suppose ,i dropp$ (f to sleep1 & ,i dream$4 ,9 my dream ,i knew t ,i 0 /ill 9 my room1 ly+ on my b$1 b ! room seem$ illum9at$ ) a light ^: s\rce ,i c\ld n imag9e4 ,! curta9s1 ,i ?\ght1 7 no long] drawn ov] ! w9d[s1 b loop$ back1 & ! light f my room fell di/9ctly ^u ! panes4 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 sitt+ up 9 b$ wat*+ = some?+ at ! w9d[1 some?+ :i* w\ld t]rify me :5 x came4 ,& !n z ,i wat*$ !re came a gu/ ( w9d1 & la%$1 to judge by ! s\nd1 a big spray ( ivy across ! outside4 ,!n aga9 x came1 & aga91 b ! s\nd grew m di/9ct4 ,i c\ld see no?+ at ! w9d[1 b !re came t ceaseless patt] & tap1 l a ?\s& f+]s4 ,!n a dead leaf or two 0 :irl$ up1 /uck = a mom5t on ! glass1 & :irl$ away aga94 ,x seem$ to me t ! ivy-spray & ! leaves 7 clam\r+ to be admitt$ into %elt] f t wild w9d outside4 ,i grew t]rifi$ at _! insi/5ce1 & tri$ 9 my dream to call to ,p>k]1 :om ,i fanci$ to be /ill 9 ! room1 & 9 ! /ruggle awoke1 & ! room 0 d>k4 ,no2 z ,i look$ ab\t me x 0 n q d>k4 ,!re lay across ! floor an oblong pat* ( light f ! door4 ,i gradually realis$ t ! door 0 op52 !re came a draught r\nd ! corn] at ! foot ( my b$4 ,i sat up & call$ g5tly to ,p>k]4 ,b !re 0 no answ]4 ,i got out ( b$ noiselessly1 & w5t across ! floor to :]e ,i saw ! dim outl9es ( ! s(a4 ,z ,i drew ne> ,i /umbl$ ov] a rug1 & !n felt ! pill[1 also on ! floor4 ,i put my h&s almo/ in/9ctively d[n1 & felt t ! s(a 0 /ill w>m1 b ,p>k] 0 gone4 ,!n ,i look$ out ( ! door4 ,! l&+ 0 lit by an oil-lamp1 & its light fell ^u ! prie/'s door4 ,x 0 almo/ clos$1 b ,i c\ld he> a fa9t murmur ( voices4 ,i put on my dress+-g[n & slipp]s & w5t out4 ,almo/ simultane\sly ! door opposite op5$ a little wid]1 & ,p>k]'s face look$ out1 :ite & sc>$4 ,:5 he saw me1 he came swiftly out & d[n ! /airs1 beckon+ to me2 b z we met1 a l\d high voice came f ! prie/'s room4 8,p>k]1 ,p>k]6 tell him to come 9--at once--at once4 ,don't leave me40 8,g 91 sir3 g 910 ,p>k] said1 9 a l\d :isp] to me1 pu%+ me t[>ds ! door4 ,i w5t quickly up ! two /eep /eps & ent]$1 ,p>k] close beh9d me1 & ,i he>d him close ! door s(tly4 ,!re 0 a tall scre5 on my left1 & beh9d x 0 ! b$1 ) ! head 9 ! corn] ( ! room3 a fire 0 burn+ ne> ! b$4 ,i came r\nd ! scre5 quickly1 & saw ! prie/ sitt+ up 9 b$4 ,he wore a tippet ov] 8 %\ld]s & a small skull-cap on 8 head4 ,8 eyes 7 l>ge & bright1 & look$ at me almo/ un9tellig5tly4 ,8 h&s 7 hidd5 by ! b$clo!s4 ,!re 0 a little r\nd table by ! head ( ! b$1 on :i* /ood two burn+ c&les 9 silv] c&le/icks4 ,i drew up a *air by ! table & sat d[n4 8,my old fri5d10 ,i said1 8:at is x8 ,_c y sleep80 ,he made no answ] to me directly1 b />$ pa/ me r\nd ! room1 & !n fix$ 8 eyes at ! foot ( ! b$4 8,! sorr[s ( ! _w10 he said1 8& ! sorr[s "u ! e>?4 ,!y come to me n[1 because ,i h n und]/ood !m1 nor wept = !m40 ,& !n he drew out 8 old1 ?91 knott$ h&s1 & clasp$ !m outside ! rug t lay on ! outside ( ! b$4 ,i laid my own h& ^u !m4 8,y h _h a great] gift ?an t10 ,i said4 8,y h kn[n in/ead ! joys ( ! _w40 ,he paid no att5tion to me1 b />$ m\rnfully be=e him1 b he did n )draw 8 h&s4 ,!re came a sudd5 gu/ ( w9d outside2 & ev5 9 t corn] away f ! w9d[ ! c&le flames leant ov] to "o side1 & !n ! *imney beh9d me sigh$ sudd5ly4 ,! prie/ unclasp$ 8 h&s1 & my own h& fell sudd5ly on ! cov]let4 ,he /ret*$ out 8 left h& to ! w9d[ z x /ill %ook1 & po9t$ at x 9 sil5ce1 gl>+ ov] my head z he did s4 ,almo/ in/9ctively ,i turn$ to ! long l[ w9d[ & look$4 ,b ! curta9s 7 drawn ov] x3 !y 7 j /irr+ & heav+ 9 ! draught1 b !re 0 no?+ to be se54 ,i c\ld he> ! p9es toss+ & sigh+ l a tr\bl$ sea outside4 ,!n he broke out into a long wild talk1 n[ 9 a :isp]1 & n[ break+ into some?+ l a scream4 ,p>k] came quickly r\nd f ! doorway1 :]e he _h be5 wait+ out ( sight1 & /ood beh9d me1 anxi\s & sc>$4 ,sometimes ,i c\ld n he> :at ! prie/ said3 he mutt]$ to himself3 mu* ( x ,i c\ld n und]/&3 & "s ( x ,i _c br+ myself to write d[n--s sacr$ 0 x--s reveal+ ( 8 s\l's inn] life hidd5 ) ,*ri/ 9 ,god4 8,! sorr[s ( ! _w10 he cri$ aga92 8!y are cry+ at my w9d[1 at ! w9d[ ( a h>d old man & a traitor\s prie/ 444 betray$ !m ) a kiss4444 ,ah6 ! ,holy ,innoc5ts :o h suff]$6 ,innoc5ts ( man & bird & bea/ & fl[]2 & ,i w5t my way or sat at home 9 ! sun%9e2 & n[ !y come cry+ to me to pray = !m4 ,h[ little ,i h pray$60 ,!n he broke into a torr5t ( t5d] pray] = all suff]+ ?+s4 ,x seem$ to me z he pray$ z if ! w9d & ! p9es 7 sil5t4 ,!n he began aga93 8,_! pale faces look ?r\gh ! glass2 no curta9s c %ut !m out4 ,_! ?9 f+]s tap & entreat4444 ,& ,i h clos$ my he>t at t door & _c op5 x to let !m 94444 ,!re is ! face ( a dog :o has suff]$--8 tee? are :ite1 b 8 eyes are glaz$ & 8 tongue hangs out4444 ,!re is a rose ) dr5*$ petals--a rose :om ,i =got4 ,see h[ ! w9d has batt]$ x4444 ,! sorr[s ( ! _w6444 ,!re come ! s\ls f "u ! e>?1 cry+ = "o to release !m & let !m g--s\ls t all m5 h =gott51 & ,i1 ! *ief ( s9n]s4444 ,i h liv$ too mu* 9 ! sweetness ( ,god & =gott5 ,8 sorr[s40 ,!n he turn$ to a crucifix ( ebony & silv] t hung on ! wall at 8 side1 & look$ on x sil5tly4 ,& !n aga9 he broke into compassionate pray] to ! ,savi\r ( ! _w1 entreat+ ,him by ,8 ,agony & ,bloody ,sweat1 by ,8 ,cross & ,passion1 to rememb] all suff]+ ?+s4 ,t pray] t ,i he>d gave me a glimpse into my/]ies ( :i* ,i _h n dream$2 my/]ies ( ! unity ( ,*ri/ & ,8 memb]s1 a unity ( pa94 ,^! great facts1 :i* ,i ?ank ,god ,i "k m ( n[1 /ood out 9 fi]y l9es aga9/ ! d>k sorr[ t seem$ to h fill$ ! room f ?is old man's he>t4 ,!n sudd5ly he turn$ to me1 & 8 eyes s se>*$ my own t ,i look$ d[n1 :ile 8 words la%$ me4 8,y1 my son10 he said1 8:at h y done to help our ,"l & ,8 *ildr58 ,h y wat*$ or slept8 ,c\ld/ ?\ n wat* ) me "o h\r8 ,:at %>e h y borne 9 ! ,inc>nation8 ,h y believ$ = ^? :o c\ld n believe1 hop$ = ! despair+1 lov$ & ador$ = ! cold8 ,& if y c\ld n und]/& nor d ?is1 h y at lea/ welcom$ pa9 t w\ld h made y "o ) !m8 ,h y ev5 piti$ !m8 ,or h y hidd5 y\r face = fe> y %\ld grieve too mu*8 ,b :at am ,i t ,i %\ld f9d fault80 ,!n he broke (f aga9 into self-reproa*4 ,at ?is po9t ,p>k] b5t ov] me & :isp]$3 8,he w die1 sir1 ,i ?9k1 unless y c get him to be quiet40 ,! old man ov]he>d1 & turn$ almo/ fi]cely4 8,quiet80 he cri$1 8:5 ! _w is s unquiet6 ,c ,i re/1 d y ?9k1 ) ^? at my w9d[80 ,!n1 ) a l\d cry1 8,ah6 !y are 9 ! room6 ,!y look at me f ! air6 ,i _c be> x40 ,& he cov]$ 8 face ) 8 old ?9 h&s1 & %rank back aga9/ ! wall4 ,i got up f my seat1 & look$ r\nd z ,i did s4 ,x seem$ to my fancy z if !re 7 "s /range ,pres5ce fill+ ! room4 ,x seem$ z ,i turn$ z if cr[d+ faces swiftly )drew !mselves ov] & beh9d ! scre54 ,a picture on ! wall ov]head lift$ & dropp$ aga9 l a door z if to let some?+ escape4 ,! cov]let1 :i* 0 a little dis>rang$ by ! old man's movem5t1 rippl$ g5tly z if "s "o :o _h be5 seat$ on ! b$ _h ris54 ,i he>d ,p>k]1 too1 beh9d me draw 8 brea? quickly ?r\gh 8 tee?4 ,all ?is ,i notic$ 9 a mom5t2 ! next ,i _h b5t ov] ! b$ t[>ds ! prie/ & put my h& on 8 %\ld]4 ,ei!r he or ,i 0 trembl+1 ,i felt z ,i t\*$ him4 8,my de> old fri5d10 ,i said1 8_c y lie d[n quietly a little8 ,y _c ?9k h[ y are di/ress+ u bo?40 ,!n ,i add$ a ^w or two1 presumptu\sly1 ,i felt1 9 ! pres5ce ( ?is old man1 :o knew s mu* ab\t ! ,love ( ,god & ! ,compassion ( our ,savi\r4 ,pres5tly he )drew 8 h&s & look$ at me4 8,yes1 yes10 he said2 8b y d n und]/&4 ,i am a prie/40 ,i sat d[n aga94 ,i tri$ h>d to control a great trembl+ t _h seiz$ me4 ,/ill he wat*$ me4 ,!n he said m quietly3 8,is x ne>ly morn+80 8,x is n yet twelve o'clock1 sir10 said ,p>k]'s voice /eadily beh9d me4 8,!n ,i mu/ wat* & pray a little long]10 said ! old man4 8,joy come? 9 ! morn+40 ,!n q quietly he turn$ & lift$ ! crucifix f its nail1 kiss$ x & replac$ x4 ,!n he put 8 h&s ov] 8 face aga9 & rema9$ /ill4 ,! w9d outside seem$ quiet]4 ,b :5ev] x sigh$ 9 ! *imney or at ! w9d[ ! prie/ w9c$ a little1 z if a sudd5 pa9 _h t\*$ him4 ,he 0 support$ by pill[s beh9d 8 back & head1 aga9/ :i* he lean$ easily4 ,aft] a few m9utes ( sil5ce 8 h&s dropp$ & clasp$ !mselves on 8 lap4 ,8 eyes 7 clos$1 & he seem$ brea?+ /eadily4 ,i hop$ t he w\ld fall asleep s4 ,b z ,i turn$ to :isp] to ,p>k]1 ,i suppose ,i mu/ h made a slight noise1 = :5 ,i look$ at ! s]vant he paid no att5tion to me1 b 0 look+ at 8 ma/]4 ,i turn$ back aga91 & saw ! old man's eyes gaz+ /raight at me4 8,yes10 he said2 8g & sleep2 :y are y "h8 ,p>k]1 :y did y all[ him to come80 8,i woke up & came myself10 ,i said4 8,p>k] did n di/urb me40 8,well1 g back to b$ n[4 ,y w s]ve me 9 ! morn+80 ,i tri$ to say some?+ ab\t 8 n be+ fit to get up1 b he wav$ x aside4 8,y _c und]/&10 he said quietly4 8,t is my "o hope & escape4 ,joy come? 9 ! morn+4 ,!re are _m s\ls "h & else:]e t are wait+ = t joy1 & ,i mu/ n disappo9t !m4 ,& ,i too10 he add$ s(tly1 8,i too look = t joy4 ,g n[1 & we w meet 9 ! morn+40 ,& he smil$ at me s g5tly t ,i got up & w5t1 feel+ com=t$4 ,aft] ,i _h be5 9 b$ a little :ile1 ,i he>d ! prie/'s door op5 & close aga91 & !n ,p>k] tapp$ at my op5 door & came 94 8,i h left him quiet1 sir4 ,i d n ?9k he w sleep1 b he w\ld n let me /ay40 8,h y ev] se5 him l ?is be=e80 ,i ask$4 8,nev] q l ?is1 sir10 he said2 & z ,i look$ at ! old s]vant ,i saw t 8 eyes 7 bright ) te>s1 & 8 lips twit*+4 8,well10 ,i said1 8we h bo? he>d /range ?+s to-night4 ,y\r ma/] :om y love is 9 ! h&s ( ,god40 ,! old s]vant's face broke into l9es ( sorr[2 & !n ! te>s ran d[n 8 face4 8,excuse me1 sir10 he said1 8,i am n q myself4 ,%all ,i put ! c&le out1 sir80 ,!n he lay d[n on ! s(a4 8,"o ^w m1 ,p>k]4 ,y w wake me if y he> any?+ m4 ,& anyh[ y w call me at sev5 if ,i %\ld be asleep40 8,c]ta9ly1 sir10 answ]$ ,p>k]'s voice f ! d>kness4 ,i slept & woke (t5 t night4 ,ea* "t ,i woke ,i w5t quietly to ! door & look$ across ! l&+ & li/5$4 ,ea* "t ,i 0 n s quiet b t ,p>k] he>d me & 0 by me z ,i look$1 & ea* "t !re 0 a l9e ( light "u ! prie/'s door2 & once or twice a murmur ( "o voice at lea/ f ! room4 ,t[>ds morn+ ,i fell into a s\nd sleep1 & awoke to f9d ,p>k] arrang+ my clo!s & sett+ ready my ba?4 ,! rugs & ! pill[ 7 gone f ! s(a1 & !re 0 no sign on ! s]vant's face t any?+ unusual _h happ5$ dur+ ! night4 8,h[ is he80 ,i ask$ quickly4 8,h y se5 him80 8,yes1 sir10 said ,p>k]2 8he is dress+ n[1 & w be ready at half-pa/ sev54 ,x is a little be=e sev5 n[1 sir40 8,b h[ is he80 ,i ask$ aga94 8,i sc>cely "k1 sir10 answ]$ ,p>k]4 8,he does n seem ill1 b he is v sil5t aga9 ?is morn+1 sir40 ,!n1 aft] a pause1 8,is !re any?+ ,i c d = y1 sir80 8,!re is no?+ m1 ?ank y10 ,i said1 & he left ! room4 ,i got up pres5tly & dress$4 ,! morn+ 0 /ill d>k1 & ,i dress$ by c&lelight4 ,:5 ,i drew ! curta9s back ! sky _h j begun to glimm] 9 ! reflect$ dawn f ! o!r side ( ! h\se2 b x 0 too d>k to see to read except by artificial light4 ,i w5t out on to ! l&+1 paus$ a mom5t1 & he>d a foot/ep 9 ! prie/'s room4 ,!n ,i op5$ ! door ( ! oratory & w5t 94 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,9 ! ,morn+ ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,at ! end ( woe sudd5ly our eyes %all be op5$1 & 9 cle>ness ( light our sight %all be full3 :i* light is ,god1 our ,mak] & ,holy ,gho/1 9 ,*ri/ ,jesus our ,savi\r40 ,"m ,julian4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,9 ! ,morn+ ,,! oratory is a little room1 :ite-wa%$1 cross$ by oak5 beams on ! walls4 ,! w9d[ is opposite ! door2 & ! alt> /&s to ! left4 ,!re is a b5* or two on ! "r4 ,:5 ,i ent]$ on ?is morn+ ! tap]s 7 light$1 ! ve/m5ts laid out ^u ! alt>1 & all prep>$4 ,i w5t across & knelt by ! w9d[4 ,pres5tly ,i he>d ! prie/'s door op51 & 9 a mom5t m he came 91 foll[$ by ,p>k]1 :o clos$ ! door beh9d him & came & knelt at ! b5*4 ,i look$ eag]ly at ! old man's face2 x 0 :ite & tir$-look+1 & ! eyebr[s seem$ to droop m ?an ev]1 b x 0 a quiet face4 ,x 0 only = an in/ant t ,i saw x1 = he turn$ to ! alt> & began to ve/3 & !n :5 he 0 ready he began4 ,x 0 /range to he> t voice1 :i* _h rung ) su* int5sity ( pa9 s few h\rs be=e1 n[ subdu$ & controll$2 & to wat* ! ord]ly movem5ts ( ^? h&s t _h twi/$ & ge/iculat$ ) su* t]rible appeal4 ,i felt t ,p>k] too 0 wat*+ ) a close & awful int]e/ :at we bo? half fe>$ w\ld be a %ock+ climax to ! sc5es ( ! night be=e1 b :i* we half hop$ too w\ld recall & quiet t tr\bl$ _s4 ,dawn 0 n[ beg9n+ to %9e on ! we/]n sky4 ,!re 0 a tall holly tree t rose ne>ly to ! level ( ! w9d[4 ,z ,i look$ out = a mom5t my eye 0 caught by ! outl9e ( a bird1 fa9tly se51 sitt+ among ! upp] bran*es4 ,n[ ,i w only m5tion "o incid5t t took place4 ,i 0 9 su* a /range & disord]$ /ate ( m9d t ,i sc>cely n[ c rememb] c]ta9ly any?+ b ?is4 ,z ! ,prie/'s ,communion drew ne> !re came a sudd5 s(t bl[ aga9/ ! w9d[ panes4444 ,:5 ! prie/ began to unve/1 ,i left ! *apel & w5t d[n/airs to await him 9 ! breakfa/ room4 ,b z he did n come1 ,i w5t outside ! h\se = a few m9utes1 & pres5tly f\nd myself bel[ ! *apel w9d[4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i 0 9 a dream--! v e>? ,i trod on seem$ unreal4 ,i 0 unable to ?9k connect$ly4 ,! sc5e 9 ! *apel seem$ to /& out vividly4 ,x seem$ to me z if 9 "s s5se x 7 a climax1 b ( :at nature1 :e!r triumphant or full ( doom1 ,i c\ld n tell4 ,z ,i /ood !re1 p]plex$1 d[nca/1 9 ! gr[+ glimm] ( ! day1 my eyes fell ^u a small rumpl$ heap at my feet1 & look+ clos] ,i saw x 0 ! body ( a ?ru%2 x 0 /ill limp & w>m1 & z ,i lift$ x ,i rememb]$ ! sudd5 bl[ aga9/ ! w9d[ panes4 ,b z ,i /ill /ood1 utt]ly di/ract$1 ! *apel w9d[ 0 ?r[n op51 & ,p>k]'s face look$ out z ,i gaz$ up4 ,he beckon$ to me furi\sly & )drew1 leav+ ! w9d[ sw++4 ,i laid ! ?ru% "u a bu% at ! corn] ( ! h\se z ,i ran r\nd1 & came 9 quickly & up ! /airs4 ,p>k] met me on ! l&+4 8,he j reel$ & fell1 sir10 he said1 8up ! /airs into 8 room4 ,i've laid him on ! b$1 & mu/ get d[n to ! /ables to s5d = ! doctor4 ,w y /ay ) him1 sir1 till ,i come back80 ,& )\t wait+ = an answ] he 0 gone4 ,t ev5+ ,i 0 /ill sitt+ by my fri5d's side4 ,i _h food br\ght up to my room dur+ ! day1 b except = ^? %ort int]vals 0 ) him cont9ually4 ,! doctor _h come & gone4 ,all t he c\ld tell u 0 t ! old man _h _h a seizure ( "s k9d1 & he _h look$ grave :5 ,i told him ( ! ev5ts ( ! night be=e4 8,8 age is aga9/ him1 too10 ! doctor _h said2 8,i _c say :at w happ540 ,& !n he _h giv5 directions1 & _h left1 promis+ to return aga91 at any rate ! next morn+4 ,i _h be5 try+ to read ) a %ad$ lamp1 look+ f "t to "t at ! figure ( ! old man on ! b$1 z he lay :ite & quiet1 ) 8 eyes clos$1 z he _h la9 all day4 ,at ab\t six o'clock1 ,i _h j glanc$ at my wat*1 :5 a slight movem5t made me turn to ! b$ aga91 & ,i c\ld see 9 ! dim light t 8 eyes 7 op5 & fix$ ^u me1 b all ! pa9 0 gone out ( !m1 & !y 7 a *ild's eyes aga94 ,i rose & w5t to 8 side1 & sat d[n 9 ! same *air t ,i _h occupi$ ! night be=e4 ,imm$iately ,i _h sat d[n he put out 8 h&1 & ,i took x & held x4 ,8 eyes smil$ at me1 & !n he spoke1 v sl[ly1 ) long pauses4 8,well10 he said1 8y h be5 ) me & h se5 & he>d1 la/ night & ?is morn+2 b x is all end$1 & ! valley is light5+ aga9 at its ea/]n end :]e ! sun rises4 ,s x 0 n all dreams & fancies--^? old /ories t y bore ) s pati5tly to please me4 ,n[ tell me :at y he>d & saw4 ,did y see !m all 9 ! room la/ night8 &--&0--8 eyes grew wide & insi/5t--8:at did y see ?is morn+80 ,n[ ! doctor _h told me t he mu/ n be ov]-excit$1 b soo!d2 & hone/ly en\gh1 ?\gh "s :o may read ?is may n agree ) me1 ,i ?\ght x 0 bett] to speak pla9ly ( ^? ?+s s /range to y & me1 b s de> & famili> to him4 ,& s ,i told him all ,i _h he>d & se54 8,ah60 he said :5 ,i _h f9i%$1 8!n we 7 n q z "o4 ,b /ill y saw & he>d m ?an mo/ m54 ,n[ w y he> "o m /ory8 ,i w n tell y all ,i saw la/ night1 because ! ,"l has be5 graci\s to me1 & is ris+ ) heal+ 9 ,8 w+s on me & on _m o!r poor creatures4 ,b ! w\nds are a*+ /ill1 & if y w sp>e me1 ,i w n speak mu* ( ! %ad[s ( la/ night1 b only ( ! joys t came 9 ! morn+4 ,w y he> x80 8,my de> old fri5d10 ,i said1 8are y sure x w n be too mu* = y80 ,he %ook 8 head2 & !n1 /ill hold+ my h& 9 81 8 f+]s tight5+ & relax+ z he told 8 tale1 ) _m pauses & ef=ts1 he began3 8,la/ night ! sorr[s ( dea? came to me10 he said1 8& all ! blood & agony & desolation ( ! :ole _w seem$ to be r\nd me4 ,& ,i h _h s little sorr[ 9 my life t ,i 0 ill prep>$ to meet !m4 ,our ,"l has always %[n me su* grace & giv5 me s mu* joy4 ,b ,he w>n$ me aga9 & aga9 ?is autumn4 ,t 0 :y ,i spoke to y z ,i did :5 y came be=e ,*ri/mas4 8,well1 la/ night1 all ?is came to me4 ,& x seem$ z if ,i 7 p>tly responsible4 ,ye>s ago ,i 0 set ap>t z a prie/ to /& betwe5 ! dead & ! liv+4 ,x 0 meant t ,i %\ld be ! meet+-place1 z e prie/ mu/ be1 ( creation's ne$ & ,god's grace--z e ,*ri/ian mu/ be 9 8 /ation4 ,t is :at int]cession & ! ,holy ,sacrifice bo? signify & effect4 ,! two tides ( ne$ & fulfilm5t mu/ meet 9 a prie/'s he>t4 ,b all my life ,i h kn[n mu* ( fulfilm5t & little ( ne$4 ,la/ night ! fir/ 0 almo/ )drawn1 & ! second deep5$ almo/ beyond be>+4 ,b ,i knew1 z ,i told y la/ night1 t ) ! morn+ w\ld come peace--t ,i %\ld be able to c>ry up ! burd5 laid on me1 & make x "o ) ,him on ,:om ! iniquities ( u all are laid4 ,b ,i ne$ n say m ( t n[4 ,?is morn+ :5 ,i w5t to ! alt> a lull _h come 9 ! /orm4 ,b x 0 all 9 my he>t /ill4 ,i felt sure t ,i %\ld h ! cle> vision once m3 & z ,i lift$ up ! ,body ( our ,"l1 x came4 8,z ,i lift$ ,x up ,x disappe>$2 z ^? tell u :o look 9 cry/als4 ,& ?is is :at ,i saw4 ,i d n "k h[ long ,i saw x1 x seem$ z if "t /ood /ill1 b y told me !re 0 no p]ceptible pause4 ,well0--& ! old man rais$ himself slightly 9 ! b$--8betwe5 my h&s ,i saw a long slope runn+ z x seem$ f me d[nhill4 ,on ! ne>] high] end ( ! slope 7 m5 go+ to & fro1 & ,i knew !y ne$$ some?+--& yet _m ( !m did n seem to "k x !mselves--b !y 7 all 9 ne$4 ,"o !re 0 :o walk$ quickly1 cl5*+ & uncl5*+ 8 h&s1 & ,i knew he f\ght ) s94 ,& !re 0 a woman ) a dead *ild across h] knees2 & !re 0 a bl9d *ild cry+ 9 a corn]4 8,!n fur!r d[n ! slope 7 w\nd$ creatures ( all k9ds1 & lonely bea/s seek+ a place to die1 & ! v grass ( ! field seem$ to be 9 sorr[1 & !re 7 bl9d sea-creatures gasp+4 ,!y 7 n small1 z y might ?9k1 b ,i saw !m z if ,i look$ ?r\gh a hole 9 a wall4 8,& !y /ret*$ d[n1 rank on rank1 heav+ & /riv+1 m5 & bea/s w>r+ & trampl+ d[n ! fl[]s4 ,!re 0 a ?ru% ,i saw1 too1 %iv]+ 9 a tree2 & ! ?\ght ( ! /ory ,i h told y came to my m9d1 & !re 7 a ?\s& ?+s t ,i =get4 8,n[ :5 ,i saw all ?is my h&s trembl$1 b :at ,i saw did n tremble1 s ,i knew t x 0 real4 ,& !n v f> away & fa9t at ! foot ( ! slope 0 a level silv]y mi/1 l a sea-fog1 ) delicate curr5ts & l9es1 n[ swift & pi]c+1 n[ sl[2 & 9 ! mi/ mov$ faces2 b ,i c\ld n di/+ui% ! features4 ,& ^! 7 ! s\ls t wait$ until _! s9s %\ld be done away4 8,& !n ) some?+ l t]ror ,i rememb]$ t ,i held 9 my h&s ! ,body ( ! ,"l4 ,& ,i 0 puzzl$ & di/ract$1 b ,i knelt to adore1 & z ,i l[]$ ! ,holy ,?+1 ! cl\ds clos$ & ! light di$ out4 ,& x may be t ,i 0 c[>dly--& ,i ?9k ,god w p>don an old man = :om ! light 0 too /rong--b :5 ,i consecrat$ ! *alice1 ,i d>$ n look at x4 ,at ! ,communion1 too1 ,i clos$ my eyes aga940 ,! old man paus$ a mom5t & !n cont9u$4 8,i he>d no s\nd su* z y describe4 ,z ,i unve/$ & w5t to my room ,i 0 /ill p]plex$ at :at ,i _h se51 & c\ld n und]/& x1 & !n on a sudd5 ,i und]/ood x1 & x 0 !n ,i suppose t ,i fell d[n40 ,!re 0 a sil5ce = a mom5t3 !n ,i answ]$4 8,i _c und]/& ev5 n[40 ,! prie/ smil$ at me1 & 8 h& clos$ aga9 on m9e4 8,i ?9k !re is no ne$ = me to tell y t4 ,x w be pla9 to y soon4 ,rememb] :at x 0 t ,i saw1 & :]e ,i saw x1 & all w be easy4 8,y c leave me n[ = a little10 he w5t on4 8,i am p]fectly free f pa91 & ,i wi% to ?9k4 ,w\ld y s5d ,p>k] to me 9 ab\t an h\r's "t80 ,& !n1 z ,i w5t t[>ds ! door1 he add$3 8,"o ^w m4 ,i _h =gott5 some?+4 ,i h yet "o m cle> vision to see be=e ,i die4 ,i h se51 y rememb]1 :at y too h se51 h[ all ?+s ne$ ,god2 b !re is yet "o m ?+ to see :i* w make all pla91 & ,i ?9k y c guess :at t is4 ,& ,i pray t y w be ) me :5 ,i see x40 ,!n ,i turn$ & w5t quietly out4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,expect$ ,gue/ ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,jhesu6 ,jhesu6 ,e/o mi*i1 ,jhesu60 ,old ,pray] ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,! ,expect$ ,gue/ ,,z day aft] day w5t by & ! old man seem$ no worse1 ,i began to h hopes t he might recov]1 b ! doctor disc\rag$ me4 8,at ! be/10 he said1 8he may j l+] on4 ,b ,i d n ?9k ! end is f> (f4 ,y mu/ rememb] he is an old man40 ,& s at la/ ! end came4 ,dur+ ^! days1 s9ce ,p>k] 0 ( c\rse too mu* occupi$ ) 8 ma/]1 a boy wait$ on me4 ,on ! la/ ev5+1 z ! boy came 9 = ! second "t at d9n]1 he look$ :ite & fright5$4 8,:at is x80 ,i ask$4 8,we don't l x1 sir1 9 ! s]vants' hall4 ,two *ildr5 ran 9 j n[ & said !y _h se5 some?+1 & we are all upset1 sir4 ,! maids are cry+40 8,:at 0 x ! *ildr5 ?\ght !y saw80 ,i ask$4 ,! boy hesitat$4 8,tell me10 ,i repeat$4 ,! boy put d[n ! di% he held & came clos] to me4 8,!y say !y saw ! ma/] himself1 sir1 on ! front lawn1 at ! gate40 8,:]e 7 ! *ildr580 ,i ask$4 8,pass+ r\nd f ! h\se1 sir1 9 front1 "u ! *e/nut4 ,!y _h be5 s5t by ! ,rector to inquire40 ,i got up f ! table4 8,:]e are !y80 ,i ask$4 8,9 ! s]vants' hall1 sir40 8,br+ !m into ! sitt+-room40 ,& ,i foll[$ him out & wait$4 ,pres5tly ! sw+-door op5$ & ! *ildr5 look$ 94 ,beh9d !m 7 ! pale faces ( ! s]vants1 :isp]+ & />+4 8,come 910 ,i said to ! *ildr51 8& sit d[n4 ,don't be afraid40 ,!y came timidly 91 evid5tly v mu* fright5$4 ,! door clos$ beh9d !m4 ,?is 0 _! /ory4 ,!y _h be5 to ! h\se to inquire h[ ! old man 01 & 7 return+ to ! ,rectory4 ,b !y _h h>dly />t$1 9 fact _h only j rea*$ ! *e/nut-tree 9 front ( ! h\se1 :5 bo? ( !m1 :o 7 look+ t[>ds ! light$ w9d[s1 _h se5 q pla9ly ! figure ( ! old prie/ /&+ j inside ! gate4 ,he 0 b>ehead$1 !y said1 dress$ 9 black1 b !y c\ld only see 8 head & %\ld]s ov] ! bank1 z ! road is a little l[] ?an ! grass :i* bord]s on x & runs up to ! gate4 ,he seem$1 !y said1 to be look+ out = "s "o4 ,:5 ,i ask$ !m h[ !y c\ld possibly see any "o at t di/ance on su* a d>k night1 !y _h no sort ( explanation2 !y c\ld only repeat t !y did see him q pla9ly4 ,at la/ ,i took !m out myself1 & made !m po9t out to me ! place :]e !y _h se5 x2 b1 z ,i expect$1 all 0 d>k1 & we c\ld n ev5 make out ! :ite balls on ! p$e/als4 ,i took !m on to ! end ( ! drive1 z !y /ill seem$ upset2 & !y told me !re t !y w\ld n be fright5$ to g ! re/ ( ! way alone4 ,=tunately1 h[ev]1 z we wait$ a man pass$ 9 ! direction ( ! village1 & he cons5t$ to see !m z f> z ! ,rectory gate4 ,:5 ,i ent]$ ! h\se aga9 ! maids ) ! boy 7 /&+ 9 ! hall4 ,!y look$ eag]ly t[>ds ! door z ,i op5$ x1 & "o ( !m cri$ out4 8,:at is x n[80 ,i ask$4 ,"o ( ! eld] s]vants answ]$3 8,oh sir1 ! ma/]'s worse4 ,p>k]'s afraid he's go+4 ,he's j run d[n/airs = y1 sir2 & n[ he's gone back40 ,i did n wait to he> any m1 b pu%$ pa/ !m1 ?r\gh ! sitt+-room1 & ran up/airs4 ,! door ( ! old man's room 0 op51 & ,i he>d fa9t s\nds f )94 ,i w5t /raight 9 )\t knock+1 & turn$ ! corn] ( ! scre54 ,p>k]1 :o 0 kneel+ by ! b$1 support+ 8 ma/] 9 8 arms1 turn$ 8 head z ,i came 9 sight1 & made a ge/ure ) x4 ,i came close up4 8,he's go+ fa/1 sir1 ,i'm afraid10 he :isp]$4 ,! old man 0 sitt+ up 9 b$ look+ q /raight be=e him4 ,8 lips 7 slightly p>t$2 & 8 eyes 7 full ( expectancy4 ,he kept lift+ 8 h&s g5tly1 half op5+ !m ) a welcom+ movem5t1 & !n lett+ !m fall4 ,n[ he lean$ g5tly =w>d1 z if to meet some?+ ) 8 h&s ext5d$1 !n s9k+ a little back ^u ,p>k]'s arm4 ,he paid no att5tion to me1 & x seem$ z if 8 eyes 7 focus$ to an almo/ inf9ite di/ance4 ,i too knelt d[n by ! b$ & wait$ wat*+ him4 ,!n !re came s(t foot/eps at ! door1 b x 0 n = t he wait$4 ,!n a :isp]+ & a sobb+3 & ,i knew t ! s]vants 7 ga!r+ outside4 ,/ill he wait$ = t :i* he knew w\ld come be=e he di$4 ,& ! expectancy deep5$ 9 8 eyes to an almo/ t]rible int5sity2 & x 0 ! expectancy t fe>$ no disappo9tm5t4 ,x 0 p]fectly /ill outside1 ! s]vants 7 quiet n[1 & ! old man's brea?+ 0 inaudible4 ,once ,i he>d ! f>-(f b>k ( a dog away some:]e 9 ! village4 ,z ,i wat*$ 8 face ,i saw h[ wr9kles cov]$ x1 ! corn]s ( 8 eyes & 8 =ehead 7 deeply furr[$1 & ! l9es deep5$ & %ift$ z 8 face work$4 ,& !n sudd5ly he cri$ out3 8,he is com+1 my son1 ,he is com+ f> away40 ,& !n sil5ce4 ,i he>d a sudd5 movem5t outside & !n /illness aga94 ,!n a maid broke out into sobb+3 & ,i he>d foot/eps1 & !n ! door ( my room across ! l&+ op5 & %ut3 & ! sobb+ ceas$4 ,b ! old man paid no he$4 ,!n sudd5ly he cri$ out aga93 8,behold ,he /&s at ! door & knocks40 ,he made an indescribable ge/ure ) 8 h&s4 ,!n ,i 0 />tl$1 = !re came a l\d peal+ at ! bell d[n/airs4 ,p>k] :isp]$ to me to s5d "o ( ! s]vants d[n/airs3 & ,i w5t to ! door = an in/ant & told ! boy to g3 !n ,i came back4 ,! boy's foot/eps di$ away d[n ! /aircase4 ,i knelt d[n aga9 by ! b$4 ,!n once m ! old man cri$ out3 8,he is com+1 my son4 ,he is "h30 & !n1 8,look60 ,z he said ?is across 8 face !re came an extraord9>y smile2 = "o mom5t1 z ,i />t$ up & look$1 8 face 0 t ( a *ild1 ! wr9kles seem$ sudd5ly eras$1 & a great rosy flu% swept f =ehead to m\?1 & 8 eyes %one l />s4 ,i notic$ too1 ev5 at ?is mom5t1 = ,i 0 almo/ fac+ him z ,i sprang up1 t ! focus ( 8 eyes 0 contract$ to a po9t at ! foot ( 8 b$ :]e ! scre5 /ood4 ,!n he fell back2 & ,p>k] laid him g5tly d[n4 ,a mom5t aft] foot/eps came up ! /airs3 & ! boy :isp]$ f ! doorway t ! ,rector _h come4 ,,! ,,end ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,transcribe's ,notes3 ,miss+ or obscur$ punctuation 0 sil5tly correct$4 ,typographical errors 7 sil5tly correct$4 ,inconsi/5t spell+ & hyph5ation 7 made consi/5t only :5 a pr$om9ant =m 0 f\nd 9 ?is book4 ,text t 0 9 italics is enclos$ by und]scores 7italics74