---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,light ,invisible ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,she moves in tumult3 round her lies ,the silence of the world of grace2 ,the twilight of our mysteries ,shines like high noon-day on her face1 ,our piteous guesses1 dim with fears1 ,she touches1 handles1 sees1 and hears4 99 99 99 99 99 8,a willing sacrifice1 she takes ,the burden of our ,fall within2 ,holy she stands2 while on her breaks ,the lightning of the wrath of sin3 ,she drinks her ,saviour's ,cup of pain1 ,and1 one with ,jesus1 thirsts again40 ,,the ,,contemplative ,,soul ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,by ,,the ,,same ,,author ------- ,,the ,,lord ,,of ,,the ,,world ,,by ,,what ,,authority8 ,,the ,,king',s ,,achievement ,,the ,,queen',s ,,tragedy ,,richard ,,raynal1 ,,solitary ,,the ,,sentimentalists ,a ,,mirror ,,of ,,shalott ------- ,a ,,book ,,of ,,the ,,love ,,of ,,jesus ------- ,,sir ,,isaac ,,pitman ,,sons1 ,,ltd4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,light ,invisible ,by ,robert ,hugh ,benson ,author of 8,the ,king's ,achievement10 8,by ,what ,authority80 8,the ,history of ,richard ,raynal1 ,solitary10 8,a ,book of the ,love of ,jesus10 etc4 ,,new ,,york1 ,,cincinnati1 ,,chicago ,,benziger ,,brothers ,,printers ,,to ,,the ,,holy ,,apostolic ,,see #aiaj ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,preface ,my friend1 whose talk ,i have reported in this book so far as ,i am able1 would be the first to disclaim 7as indeed he was always anxious to do7 the rle of an accredited teacher1 other than that which his sacred office conferred on him4 ,all that he claimed 7and this surely was within his rights7 was to be at least sincere in his perceptions and expressions of spiritual truth4 ,his power1 as he was at pains to tell me1 was no more than a particular development of a faculty common to all who possess a coherent spiritual life4 ,to one ,divine ,truth finds entrance through laws of nature1 to another through the medium of other sciences or arts2 to my friend it presented itself in directly sensible forms4 ,had his experiences1 however1 even seemed to contravene ,divine ,revelation1 he would have rejected them with horror3 entire submission to the ,divine ,teacher upon earth1 as he more than once told me1 should normally precede the exercise of all other spiritual faculties4 ,the deliberate reversal of this is nothing else than ,protestantism in its extreme form1 and must ultimately result in the extinction of faith4 ,for the rest1 ,i can add nothing to his own words4 ,it is of course more than possible that here and there ,i have failed to present his exact meaning2 but at least ,i have taken pains to submit the book before publication to the judgment of those whose theological learning is sufficient to reassure me that at least ,i have not so far misunderstood my friend's words and tales1 as to represent him as transgressing the explicit laws of ascetical1 moral1 mystical1 or dogmatic theology4 ,to these counsellors ,i must express my gratitude1 as well as to others who have kindly given me the encouragement of their sympathy4 ,r4 ,b4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,contents ,,page ,,the ,,green ,,robe #a ,,the ,,watcher #ae ,,the ,,blood-,,eagle #bi ,,over ,,the ,,gateway #di ,,poena ,,damni #fe ,,consolatrix ,,afflictorum #gg ,,the ,,bridge ,,over ,,the ,,stream #ie ,,in ,,the ,,convent ,,chapel #ajg ,,under ,,which ,,king8 #abg ,,with ,,dyed ,,garments #ade ,,unto ,,babes #aei ,,the ,,traveller #aha ,,the ,,sorrows ,,of ,,the ,,world #bjc ,,in ,,the ,,morning #bbg ,,the ,,expected ,,guest #bda ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,green ,robe ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,to see a world in a grain of sand1 ,and a heaven in a wild flower2 ,hold infinity in the palm of your hand1 ,and eternity in an hour40 ,blake4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,green ,robe ,,the old priest was silent for a moment4 ,the song of a great bee boomed up out of the distance and ceased as the white bell of a flower beside me drooped suddenly under his weight4 8,i have not made myself clear10 said the priest again4 8,let me think a minute40 ,and he leaned back4 ,we were sitting on a little red-tiled platform in his garden1 in a sheltered angle of the wall4 ,on one side of us rose the old irregular house1 with its latticed windows1 and its lichened roofs culminating in a bellturret2 on the other ,i looked across the pleasant garden where great scarlet poppies hung like motionless flames in the hot ,june sunshine1 to the tall living wall of yew1 beyond which rose the heavy green masses of an elm in which a pigeon lamented1 and above all a tender blue sky4 ,the priest was looking out steadily before him with great childlike eyes that shone strangely in his thin face under his white hair4 ,he was dressed in an old cassock that showed worn and green in the high lights4 8,no10 he said presently1 8it is not faith that ,i mean2 it is only an intense form of the gift of spiritual perception that ,god has given me2 which gift indeed is common to us all in our measure4 ,it is the faculty by which we verify for ourselves what we have received on authority and hold by faith4 ,spiritual life consists partly in exercising this faculty4 ,well1 then1 this form of that faculty ,god has been pleased to bestow upon me1 just as ,he has been pleased to bestow on you a keen power of seeing and enjoying beauty where others perhaps see none2 this is called artistic perception4 ,it is no sort of credit to you or to me1 any more than is the colour of our eyes1 or a faculty for mathematics1 or an athletic body4 8,now in my case1 in which you are pleased to be interested1 the perception occasionally is so keen that the spiritual world appears to me as visible as what we call the natural world4 ,in such moments1 although ,i generally know the difference between the spiritual and the natural1 yet they appear to me simultaneously1 as if on the same plane4 ,it depends on my choice as to which of the two ,i see the more clearly4 8,let me explain a little4 ,it is a question of focus4 ,a few minutes ago you were staring at the sky1 but you did not see the sky4 ,your own thought lay before you instead4 ,then ,i spoke to you1 and you started a little and looked at me2 and you saw me1 and your thought vanished4 ,now can you understand me if ,i say that these sudden glimpses that ,god has granted me1 were as though when you looked at the sky1 you saw both the sky and your thought at once1 on the same plane1 as ,i have said8 ,or think of it in another way4 ,you know the sheet of plate-glass that is across the upper part of the fireplace in my study4 ,well1 it depends on the focus of your eyes1 and your intention1 whether you see the glass and the fire-plate behind1 or the room reflected in the glass4 ,now can you imagine what it would be to see them all at once8 ,it is like that40 ,and he made an outward gesture with his hands4 8,well10 ,i said1 8,i scarcely understand4 ,but please tell me1 if you will1 your first vision of that kind40 8,i believe10 he began1 8that when ,i was a child the first clear vision came to me1 but ,i only suppose it from my mother's diary4 ,i have not the diary with me now1 but there is an entry in it describing how ,i said ,i had seen a face look out of a wall and had run indoors from the garden2 half frightened1 but not terrified4 ,but ,i remember nothing of it myself1 and my mother seems to have thought it must have been a waking dream2 and if it were not for what has happened to me since perhaps ,i should have thought it a dream too4 ,but now the other explanation seems to me more likely4 ,but the first clear vision that ,i remember for myself was as follows3 8,when ,i was about fourteen years old ,i came home at the end of one ,july for my summer holidays4 ,the pony-cart was at the station to meet me when ,i arrived about four o'clock in the afternoon2 but as there was a short cut through the woods1 ,i put my luggage into the cart1 and started to walk the mile and a half by myself4 ,the field path presently plunged into a pine wood1 and ,i came over the slippery needles under the high arches of the pines with that intense ecstatic happiness of home-coming that some natures know so well4 ,i hope sometimes that the first steps on the other side of death may be like that4 ,the air was full of mellow sounds that seemed to emphasise the deep stillness of the woods1 and of mellow lights that stirred among the shadowed greenness4 ,i know this now1 though ,i did not know it then4 ,until that day although the beauty and the colour and sound of the world certainly affected me1 yet ,i was not conscious of them1 any more than of the air ,i breathed1 because ,i did not then know what they meant4 ,well1 ,i went on in this glowing dimness1 noticing only the trees that might be climbed1 the squirrels and moths that might be caught1 and the sticks that might be shaped into arrows or bows4 8,i must tell you1 too1 something of my religion at that time4 ,it was the religion of most well-taught boys4 ,in the fore-ground1 if ,i may put it so1 was morality3 ,i must not do certain things2 ,i must do certain other things4 ,in the middle distance was a perception of ,god4 ,let me say that ,i realised that ,i was present to ,him1 but not that ,he was present to me4 ,our ,saviour dwelt in this middle distance1 one whom ,i fancied ordinarily tender1 sometimes stern4 ,in the background there lay certain mysteries1 sacramental and otherwise4 ,these were chiefly the affairs of grown-up people4 ,and infinitely far away1 like clouds piled upon the horizon of a sea1 was the invisible world of heaven whence ,god looked at me1 golden gates and streets1 now towering in their exclusiveness1 now on ,sunday evenings bright with a light of hope1 now on wet mornings unutterably dreary4 ,but all this was uninteresting to me4 ,here about me lay the tangible enjoyable world--this was reality3 there in a misty picture lay religion1 claiming1 as ,i knew1 my homage1 but not my heart4 ,well2 so ,i walked through these woods1 a tiny human creature1 yet greater1 if ,i had only known it1 than these giants of ruddy bodies and arms1 and garlanded heads that stirred above me4 8,my path presently came over a rise in the ground2 and on my left lay a long glade1 bordered by pines1 fringed with bracken1 but itself a folded carpet of smooth rabbit-cropped grass1 with a quiet oblong pool in the centre1 some fifty yards below me4 8,now ,i cannot tell you how the vision began2 but ,i found myself1 without experiencing any conscious shock1 standing perfectly still1 my lips dry1 my eyes smarting with the intensity with which ,i had been staring down the glade1 and one foot aching with the pressure with which ,i had rested upon it4 ,it must have come upon me and enthralled me so swiftly that my brain had no time to reflect4 ,it was no work1 therefore1 of the imagination1 but a clear and sudden vision4 ,this is what ,i remember to have seen4 8,i stood on the border of a vast robe2 its material was green4 ,a great fold of it lay full in view1 but ,i was conscious that it stretched for almost unlimited miles4 ,this great green robe blazed with embroidery4 ,there were straight lines of tawny work on either side which melted again into a darker green in high relief4 ,right in the centre lay a pale agate stitched delicately into the robe with fine dark stitches2 overhead the blue lining of this silken robe arched out4 ,i was conscious that this robe was vast beyond conception1 and that ,i stood as it were in a fold of it1 as it lay stretched out on some unseen floor4 ,but1 clearer than any other thought1 stood out in my mind the certainty that this robe had not been flung down and left1 but that it clothed a ,person4 ,and even as this thought showed itself a ripple ran along the high relief in dark green1 as if the wearer of the robe had just stirred4 ,and ,i felt on my face the breeze of ,his motion4 ,and it was this ,i suppose that brought me to myself4 8,and then ,i looked again1 and all was as it had been the last time ,i had passed this way4 ,there was the glade and the pool and the pines and the sky overhead1 and the ,presence was gone4 ,i was a boy walking home from the station1 with dear delights of the pony and the air-gun1 and the wakings morning by morning in my own carpeted bedroom1 before me4 8,i tried1 however1 to see it again as ,i had seen it4 ,no1 it was not in the least like a robe2 and above all where was the ,person that wore it8 ,there was no life about me1 except my own1 and the insect life that sang in the air1 and the quiet meditative life of the growing things4 ,but who was this ,person ,i had suddenly perceived8 ,and then it came upon me with a shock1 and yet ,i was incredulous4 ,it could not be the ,god of sermons and long prayers who demanded my presence ,sunday by ,sunday in ,his little church1 that ,god ,who watched me like a stern father4 ,why religion1 ,i thought1 told me that all was vanity and unreality1 and that rabbits and pools and glades were nothing compared to ,him who sits on the great white throne4 8,i need not tell you that ,i never spoke of this at home4 ,it seemed to me that ,i had stumbled upon a scene that was almost dreadful1 that might be thought over in bed1 or during an idle lonely morning in the garden1 but must never be spoken of1 and ,i can scarcely tell you when the time came that ,i understood that there was but one ,god after all40 ,the old man stopped talking4 ,and ,i looked out again at the garden without answering him1 and tried myself to see how the poppies were embroidered into a robe1 and to hear how the chatter of the starlings was but the rustle of its movement1 the clink of jewel against jewel1 and the moan of the pigeon the creaking of the heavy silk1 but ,i could not4 ,the poppies flamed and the birds talked and sobbed1 but that was all4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,watcher ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,il faut d'abord rendre l'organe de la vision analogue et semblable l'objet qu'il doit contempler40 ,maeterlinck4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,watcher ,,on the following day we went out soon after breakfast and walked up and down a grass path between two yew hedges2 the dew was not yet off the grass that lay in shadow2 and thin patches of gossamer still hung like torn cambric on the yew shoots on either side4 ,as we passed for the second time up the path1 the old man suddenly stooped and pushing aside a dock-leaf at the foot of the hedge lifted a dead mouse1 and looked at it as it lay stiffly on the palm of his hand1 and ,i saw that his eyes filled slowly with the ready tears of old age4 8,he has chosen his own resting-place10 he said4 8,let him lie there4 ,why did ,i disturb him80--and he laid him gently down again2 and then gathering a fragment of wet earth he sprinkled it over the mouse4 8,earth to earth1 ashes to ashes10 he said1 8in sure and certain hope0--and then he stopped2 and straightening himself with difficulty walked on1 and ,i followed him4 8,you seemed interested10 he said1 8in my story yesterday4 ,shall ,i tell you how ,i saw a very different sight when ,i was a little older80 ,and when ,i had told him how strange and attractive his story had been1 he began4 8,i told you how ,i found it impossible to see again what ,i had seen in the glade4 ,for a few weeks1 perhaps months1 ,i tried now and then to force myself to feel that ,presence1 or at least to see that robe1 but ,i could not1 because it is the gift of ,god1 and can no more be gained by effort than ordinary sight can be won by a sightless man2 but ,i soon ceased to try4 8,i reached eighteen years at last1 that terrible age when the soul seems to have dwindled to a spark overlaid by a mountain of ashes--when blood and fire and death and loud noises seem the only things of interest1 and all tender things shrink back and hide from the dreadful noonday of manhood4 ,some one gave me one of those shot-pistols that you may have seen1 and ,i loved the sense of power that it gave me1 for ,i had never had a gun4 ,for a week or two in the summer holidays ,i was content with shooting at a mark1 or at the level surface of water1 and delighted to see the cardboard shattered1 or the quiet pool torn to shreds along its mirror where the sky and green lay sleeping4 ,then that ceased to interest me1 and ,i longed to see a living thing suddenly stop living at my will4 ,now10 and he held up a deprecating hand1 8,i think sport is necessary for some natures4 ,after all1 the killing of creatures is necessary for man's food1 and sport as you will tell me is a survival of man's delight in obtaining food1 and it requires certain noble qualities of endurance and skill4 ,i know all that1 and ,i know further that for some natures it is a relief--an escape for humours that will otherwise find an evil vent4 ,but ,i do know this--that for me it was not necessary4 8,however1 there was every excuse1 and ,i went out in good faith one summer evening intending to shoot some rabbit as he ran to cover from the open field4 ,i walked along the inside of a fence with a wood above me and on my left1 and the green meadow on my right4 ,well1 owing probably to my own lack of skill1 though ,i could hear the patter and rush of the rabbits all round me1 and could see them in the distance sitting up listening with cocked ears1 as ,i stole along the fence1 ,i could not get close enough to fire at them with any hope of what ,i fancied was success2 and by the time that ,i had arrived at the end of the wood ,i was in an impatient mood4 8,i stood for a moment or two leaning on the fence looking out of that pleasant coolness into the open meadow beyond2 the sun had at that moment dipped behind the hill before me and all was in shadow except where there hung a glory about the topmost leaves of a beech that still caught the sun4 ,the birds were beginning to come in from the fields1 and were settling one by one in the wood behind me1 staying here and there to sing one last line of melody4 ,i could hear the quiet rush and then the sudden clap of a pigeon's wings as he came home1 and as ,i listened ,i heard pealing out above all other sounds the long liquid song of a thrush somewhere above me4 ,i looked up idly and tried to see the bird1 and after a moment or two caught sight of him as the leaves of the beech parted in the breeze1 his head lifted and his whole body vibrating with the joy of life and music4 ,as some one has said1 his body was one beating heart4 ,the last radiance of the sun over the hill reached him and bathed him in golden warmth4 ,then the leaves closed again as the breeze dropped1 but still his song rang out4 8,then there came on me a blinding desire to kill him4 ,all the other creatures had mocked me and run home4 ,here at least was a victim1 and ,i would pour out the sullen anger that had been gathering during my walk1 and at least demand this one life as a substitute4 ,side by side with this ,i remembered clearly that ,i had come out to kill for food3 that was my one justification4 ,side by side ,i saw both these things1 and ,i had no excuse--no excuse4 8,i turned my head every way and moved a step or two back to catch sight of him again1 and1 although1 this may sound fantastic and overwrought1 in my whole being was a struggle between light and darkness4 ,every fibre of my life told me that the thrush had a right to live4 ,ah6 he had earned it1 if labour were wanting1 by this very song that was guiding death towards him1 but black sullen anger had thrown my conscience1 and was now struggling to hold it down till the shot had been fired4 ,still ,i waited for the breeze1 and then it came1 cool and sweet-smelling like the breath of a garden1 and the leaves parted4 ,there he sang in the sunshine1 and in a moment ,i lifted the pistol and drew the trigger4 8,with the crack of the cap came silence overhead1 and after what seemed an interminable moment came the soft rush of something falling and the faint thud among last year's leaves4 ,then ,i stood half terrified1 and stared among the dead leaves4 ,all seemed dim and misty4 ,my eyes were still a little dazzled by the bright background of sunlit air and rosy clouds on which ,i had looked with such intensity1 and the space beneath the branches was a world of shadows4 ,still ,i looked a few yards away1 trying to make out the body of the thrush1 and fearing to hear a struggle of beating wings among the dry leaves4 8,and then ,i lifted my eyes a little1 vaguely4 ,a yard or two beyond where the thrush lay was a rhododendron bush4 ,the blossoms had fallen and the outline of dark1 heavy leaves was unrelieved by the slightest touch of colour4 ,as ,i looked at it1 ,i saw a face looking down from the higher branches4 8,it was a perfectly hairless head and face1 the thin lips were parted in a wide smile of laughter1 there were innumerable lines about the corners of the mouth1 and the eyes were surrounded by creases of merriment4 ,what was perhaps most terrible about it all was that the eyes were not looking at me1 but down among the leaves2 the heavy eyelids lay drooping1 and the long1 narrow1 shining slits showed how the eyes laughed beneath them4 ,the forehead sloped quickly back1 like a cat's head4 ,the face was the colour of earth1 and the outlines of the head faded below the ears and chin into the gloom of the dark bush4 ,there was no throat1 or body or limbs so far as ,i could see4 ,the face just hung there like a down-turned ,eastern mask in an old curiosity shop4 ,and it smiled with sheer delight1 not at me1 but at the thrush's body4 ,there was no change of expression so long as ,i watched it1 just a silent smile of pleasure petrified on the face4 ,i could not move my eyes from it4 8,after what ,i suppose was a minute or so1 the face had gone4 ,i did not see it go1 but ,i became aware that ,i was looking only at leaves4 8,no2 there was no outline of leaf1 or play of shadows that could possibly have taken the form of a face4 ,you can guess how ,i tried to force myself to believe that that was all2 how ,i turned my head this way and that to catch it again2 but there was no hint of a face4 8,now1 ,i cannot tell you how ,i did it2 but although ,i was half beside myself with fright1 ,i went forward towards the bush and searched furiously among the leaves for the body of the thrush2 and at last ,i found it1 and lifted it4 ,it was still limp and warm to the touch4 ,its breast was a little ruffled1 and one tiny drop of blood lay at the root of the beak below the eyes1 like a tear of dismay and sorrow at such an unmerited1 unexpected death4 8,i carried it to the fence and climbed over1 and then began to run in great steps1 looking now and then awfully at the gathering gloom of the wood behind1 where the laughing face had mocked the dead4 ,i think1 looking back as ,i do now1 that my chief instinct was that ,i could not leave the thrush there to be laughed at1 and that ,i must get it out into the clean1 airy meadow4 ,when ,i reached the middle of the meadow ,i came to a pond which never ran quite dry even in the hottest summer4 ,on the bank ,i laid the thrush down1 and then deliberately but with all my force dashed the pistol into the water2 then emptied my pockets of the cartridges and threw them in too4 8,then ,i turned again to the piteous little body1 feeling that at least ,i had tried to make amends4 ,there was an old rabbit hole near1 the grass growing down in its mouth1 and a tangle of web and dead leaves behind4 ,i scooped a little space out among the leaves1 and then laid the thrush there2 gathered a little of the sandy soil and poured it over the body1 saying1 ,i remember1 half unconsciously1 #8,earth to earth1 ashes to ashes1 in sure and certain hope'--and then ,i stopped1 feeling ,i had been a little profane1 though ,i do not think so now4 ,and then ,i went home4 8,as ,i dressed for dinner1 looking out over the darkening meadow where the thrush lay1 ,i remember feeling happy that no evil thing could mock the defenceless dead out there in the clean meadow where the wind blew and the stars shone down40 ,we reached in our going to and fro up the yew path a little seat at the end standing back from the path4 ,opposite us hung a crucifix1 with a pent-house over it1 that the old man had put up years before4 ,as he did not speak ,i turned to him1 and saw that he was looking steadily at the ,figure on the ,cross2 and ,i thought how ,he who bore our griefs and carried our sorrows was one with the heavenly ,father1 without whom not even a sparrow falls to the ground4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,blood-,eagle ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,and this ,i know3 whether the one ,true ,light ,kindle to ,love or ,wrath--consume me quite1 ,one glimpse of ,it within the ,tavern caught ,better than in the ,temple lost outright40 ,omar ,khayyam4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,blood-,eagle ,,one night when ,i went to my room ,i found in a little shelf near the window a book1 whose title ,i now forget1 describing the far-off days when the religion of ,christ and of the gods of the north strove together in ,england4 ,i read this for an hour or two before ,i went to sleep1 and again as ,i was dressing on the following morning1 and spoke of it at breakfast4 8,yes10 said the old man1 8that was one of my father's books4 ,i remember reading it when ,i was a boy4 ,i believe it is said to be very ill-informed and unscientific in these days4 ,my parents used to think that all religions except ,christianity were of the devil4 ,but ,i think ,st4 ,paul teaches us a larger hope than that40 ,he said nothing more at the time2 but in the course of the morning1 as ,i was walking up and down the raised terrace that runs under the pines beside the drive1 ,i saw the priest coming towards me with a book in his hand4 ,he was a little dusty and flushed4 8,i went to look for something that ,i thought might interest you1 after what you said at breakfast10 he began1 8and ,i have found it at last in the loft40 ,we began to walk together up and down4 8,a very curious thing happened to me10 he said1 8when ,i was a boy4 ,i remember telling my father of it when ,i came home1 and it remained in my mind4 ,a few years afterwards an old professor was staying with us2 and after dinner one night1 when we had been talking about what you were speaking of at breakfast1 my father made me tell it again1 and when ,i had finished the professor asked me to write it down for him4 ,so ,i wrote it in this book first2 and then made a copy and sent it to him4 ,the book itself is a kind of irregular diary in which ,i used to write sometimes4 ,would you care to hear it80 ,when ,i had told him ,i should like to hear the story1 he began again4 8,i must first tell you the circumstances4 ,i was about sixteen years old4 ,my parents had gone abroad for the holidays1 and ,i went to stay with a school friend of mine at his home not far from ,ascot4 ,we used to take our lunch with us sometimes on bright days--for it was at ,christmas time--and go off for the day over the heather4 ,you must remember that ,i was only a schoolboy at the time1 so ,i daresay ,i exaggerated or elaborated some of the details a little1 but the main facts of the story you can rely upon4 ,shall we sit down while ,i read it80 ,then when we had seated ourselves on a bench that stood at the end of the terrace1 with the old house basking before us in the hot sunshine1 he began to read4 8,about six o'clock in the evening of one of the days towards the end of ,january1 ,jack and ,i were still wandering on high1 heathy ground near ,ascot4 ,we had walked all day and had lost ourselves2 but we kept going in as straight a line as we could1 knowing that in time we should strike across a road4 ,we were rather tired and silent2 but suddenly ,jack uttered an exclamation1 and then pointed out a light across the heath4 ,we stood a moment to see if it moved1 but it remained still4 8#8,what is it8' ,i asked4 #8,there can be no house near here4' 8#8,it's a broomsquire's cottage1 ,i expect1' said ,jack4 8,i asked what that meant4 8#8,oh6 ,i don't know exactly1' said ,jack2 #8they're a kind of gypsies4' 8,we stumbled on across the heather1 while the light grew steadily nearer4 ,the moon was beginning to rise1 and it was a clear night1 one of those windless1 frosty nights that sometimes come after a wet autumn4 ,jack plunged at one place into a hidden ditch1 and ,i heard the crackling of ice as he scrambled out4 8#8,skating to-morrow1 by ,jove1' he said4 8,as we got closer ,i began to see that we were approaching a copse of firs2 the heather began to get shorter4 ,then1 as ,i looked at the light1 ,i saw there was a fixed outline of a kind of house out of which it shone4 ,the window apparently was an irregular shape1 and the house seemed to be leaning against a tall fir on the outskirts of the copse4 ,as we got quite close1 our feet noiseless on the soft heather1 ,i saw that the house was built altogether round the fir1 which served as a kind of central prop4 ,the house was made of wattled boughs1 and thatched heavily with heather4 8,i felt more and more anxious about it1 for ,i had never heard of #8broomsquires1' and also1 ,i confess1 a little timid2 for the place was lonely1 and we were only two boys4 ,i was leading now1 and presently reached the window and looked in4 8,the walls inside were hung with blankets and clothes to keep the wind out2 there was a long old settle in one corner1 the floor was carpeted with branches and blankets apparently1 and there was an opening opposite1 partly closed by a wattled hurdle that leaned against it4 ,half sitting and half lying on the settle1 was an old woman with her face hidden4 ,an oil-lamp hung from one of the branches of the fir that helped to form the roof4 ,there was no sign of any other living thing in the place4 ,as ,i looked ,jack came up behind and spoke over my shoulder4 8#8,can you tell us the way to the nearest high-road8' he asked4 8,the old woman sat up suddenly1 with a look of fright on her face4 ,she was extraordinarily dirty and ill-kempt4 ,i could see in the dim light of the lamp that she had a wrinkled old face1 with sunken dark eyes1 white eyebrows1 and white hair2 and her mouth began to mumble as she looked at us4 ,presently she made a violent gesture to wave us from the window4 8,jack repeated the question1 and the old woman got up and hobbled quietly and crookedly to the door1 and in a moment she had come round close to us4 ,i then saw how very small she was4 ,she could not have been five feet tall1 and was very much bent4 ,i must say again that ,i felt very uneasy and startled with this terrifying old creature close to me and peering up into my face4 ,she took me by the coat and with her other hand beckoned quickly away in every direction4 ,she seemed to be warning us away from the copse1 but still she said nothing4 8,jack grew impatient4 8#8,deaf old fool6' he said in an undertone1 and then loudly and slowly1 #8,can you tell us the way to the nearest high-road8' 8,then she seemed to understand1 and pointed vigorously in the direction from which we had come4 8#8,oh6 nonsense1' said ,jack1 #8we've come from there4 ,come on this way1' he said1 #8we can't spend all night here4' ,and then he turned the side of the little house and disappeared into the copse4 8,the old woman dropped my coat in a moment1 and began to run after ,jack1 and ,i went round the other side of the house and saw ,jack moving in front1 for the firs were sparse at the edge of the wood1 and the moonlight filtered through them4 ,the old woman1 ,i saw as ,i turned into the wood1 had stopped1 knowing she could not catch us1 and was standing with her hands stretched out1 and a curious sound1 half cry and half sob came from her4 ,i was a little uneasy1 because we had not treated her with courtesy1 and stopped1 but at that moment ,jack called4 8#8,come on1' he said1 #8we're sure to find a road at the end of this4' 8,so ,i went on4 8,once ,i turned and saw the little old woman standing as before2 and as ,i looked between the trees she lifted one hand to her mouth and sent a curious whistling cry after us1 that somehow frightened me4 ,it seemed too loud for one so small4 8,as we went on the wood grew darker4 ,here and there in an open patch there lay a white splash of moonlight on the fir needles1 and great dim spaces lay round us4 ,although the wood stood on high ground1 the trees grew so thickly about us that we could see nothing of the country round4 ,now and then we tripped on a root1 or else caught in a bramble1 but it seemed to me that we were following a narrow path that led deeper and deeper into the heart of the wood4 ,suddenly ,jack stopped and lifted his hand4 8#8,hush6' he said4 8,i stopped too1 and we listened breathlessly4 ,then in a moment more1---- 8#8,hush6' he said1 #8something's coming1' and he jumped out of the path behind a tree1 and ,i followed him4 8,then we heard a scuffling in front of us and a grunting1 and some big creature came hurrying down the path4 ,as it passed us ,i looked1 almost terrified out of my mind1 and saw that it was a huge pig2 but the thing that held me breathless and sick was that there ran nearly the whole length of its back a deep wound1 from which the blood dripped4 ,the creature1 grunting heavily1 tore down the path towards the cottage1 and presently the sound of it died away4 ,as ,i leaned against ,jack1 ,i could feel his arm trembling as it held the tree4 8#8,oh6' he said in a moment1 #8we must get out of this4 ,which way1 which way8' 8,but ,i had been still listening1 and held him quiet4 8#8,wait1' ,i said1 #8there is something else4' 8,out of the wood in front of us there came a panting1 and the soft sounds of hobbling steps along the path4 ,we crouched lower and watched4 ,presently the figure of a bent old man came in sight1 making his way quickly along the path4 ,he seemed startled and out of breath4 ,his mouth was moving1 and he was talking to himself in a low voice in a complaining tone1 but his eyes searched the wood from side to side4 8,as he came quite close to us1 as we lay hardly daring to breathe1 ,i saw one of his hands that hung in front of him1 opening and shutting2 and that it was stained with what looked black in the moonlight4 ,he did not see us1 as by now we were hidden by a great bramble bush1 and he passed on down the path2 and then all was silent again4 8,when a few minutes had passed in perfect stillness1 we got up and went on1 but neither of us cared to walk in the path down which those two terrible dripping things had come2 and we went stumbling over the broken ground1 keeping a parallel course to the path for about another two hundred yards4 ,jack had begun to recover himself1 and even began to talk and laugh at being frightened at a pig and an old man4 ,he told me afterwards that he had not seen the old man's hand4 8,then the path began to lead uphill4 ,at this point ,i suddenly stopped ,jack4 8#8,do you see nothing8' ,i asked4 8,now ,i scarcely remember what ,i said or did4 ,but this is what my friend told me afterwards4 ,jack said there was nothing but a little rising ground in front1 from which the trees stood back4 8#8,do you see nothing on the top of the mound8 ,out in the open1 where the moonlight falls on her8' 8,jack told me afterwards that he thought ,i had gone suddenly mad1 and grew frightened himself4 8#8,do you not see a woman standing there8 ,she has long yellow hair in two braids2 she has thick gold bracelets on her bare arms4 ,she has a tunic1 bound by a girdle1 and it comes below her knees3 and she has red jewels in her hair1 on her belt1 on her bracelets2 and her eyes shine in the moonlight3 and she is waiting1--waiting for that which has escaped4' 8,now ,jack tells me that when ,i said this ,i fell flat on my face1 with my hands stretched out1 and began to talk3 but he said he could not understand a word ,i said4 ,he himself looked steadily at the rising ground1 but there was nothing to be seen there3 there were the fir-trees standing in a circle round it1 and a bare space in the middle1 from which the heather was gone1 and that was all4 ,this mound would be about fifteen yards from us4 8,i lay there1 said ,jack1 a few minutes1 and then sat up and looked about me4 ,then ,i remembered for myself that ,i had seen the pig and the old man1 but nothing more3 but ,i was terrified at the remembrance1 and insisted upon our striking out a new course through the wood1 and leaving the mound to our left4 ,i did not know myself why the mound frightened me1 but ,i dared not go near it4 ,jack wisely did not say anything more about it until afterwards4 ,we presently found our way out of the copse1 struck across the heath for another half-mile or so1 and then came across a road which ,jack knew1 and so we came home4 8,when we told our story1 and ,jack1 to my astonishment1 had added the part of which ,i myself had no remembrance1 ,jack's father did not say very much2 but he took us next day to identify the place4 ,to our intense surprise the house of the broomsquire was gone2 there were the trampled branches round the tree1 and the smoked branch from which the oil lamp had hung1 and the ashes of a wood-fire outside the house1 but no sign of the old man or his wife4 ,as we went along the path1 now in the cheerful frosty sunshine1 we found dark splashes here and there on the brambles1 but they were dry and colourless4 ,then we came to the mound4 8,i grew uneasy again as we came to it1 but was ashamed to show my fear in the broad daylight4 8,on the top we found a curious thing1 which ,jack's father told us was one of the old customs of the broomsquires1 that no one was altogether able to explain4 ,the ground was shovelled away1 so as to form a kind of sloping passage downwards into the earth4 ,the passage was not more than five yards long2 and at the end of it1 just where it was covered by the ground overhead1 was a sort of altar1 made of earth and stones beaten flat2 and plastered into its surface were bits of old china and glass4 ,but what startled us was to find a dark patch of something which had soaked deep into the ground before the altar4 ,it was still damp40 ,when the old man had read so far1 he laid down the book4 8,when ,i told all this to the ,professor10 he said1 8he seemed very deeply interested4 ,he told us1 ,i remember1 that the wound on the pig identified the nature of the sacrifice that the old man had begun to offer4 ,he called it a #8blood-eagle1' and added some details which ,i will not disgust you with4 ,he said too that the broomsquire had confused two rites--that only human sacrifices should be offered as #8blood-eagles4' ,in fact it all seemed perfectly familiar to him3 and he said more than ,i can either remember or verify40 8,and the woman on the rising ground80 ,i asked4 8,well10 said the old man1 smiling1 8the ,professor would not listen to my evidence about that4 ,he accepted the early part of the story1 and simply declined to pay any attention to the woman4 ,he said ,i had been reading ,norse tales1 or was dreaming4 ,he even hinted that ,i was romancing4 ,under other circumstances this method of treating evidence would be called #8,higher ,criticism1' ,i believe40 8,but it's all a brutal and disgusting worship10 ,i said4 8,yes1 yes10 said the old man1 8very brutal and disgusting2 but is it not very much higher and better than the ,professor's faith8 ,he was only a skilled ,ritualist after all1 you see40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,over the ,gateway ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8--,for faith1 that1 when my need is sore1 ,gleams from a partly-open door1 ,and shows the firelight on the floor--0 ,a ,canticle of ,common ,things4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,over the ,gateway ,,we were sitting together one morning in the common sitting-room in the centre of the house4 ,there had been a fall of rain during the night1 and it was thought better that the old man should not sit in the garden until the sun had dried the earth--so we sat indoors instead1 but with the great door wide open1 that looked on to a rectangle of lawn that lay before the house4 ,once a drive had led to this door through a gate with pedestals and stone balls1 that stood exactly opposite1 about fifteen yards away1 but the drive had long been grassed over2 although even now it showed faintly under two slight ridges in the grass that ran from the gate to the door4 ,otherwise the lawn was enclosed by a low old brick wall1 almost hidden by a wealth of ivy1 against which showed in rich masses of colour the heads of purple and yellow irises and tawny wallflowers4 ,the old man had been silent at breakfast4 ,he had offered the ,holy ,sacrifice as usual that morning in the little chapel upstairs1 and ,i had noticed at the time even that he seemed pre-occupied3 and at breakfast he had talked very little1 letting every subject drop as ,i suggested it2 and ,i had understood at last that his thoughts were far away in the past2 and ,i did not wish to trouble him4 ,we were sitting in two tall carved chairs at the doorway1 his feet were wrapped in a rug1 and his eyes were looking steadily and mournfully out across towards the iron-work gate in the wall4 ,tall grasses of the patch of uncut meadow outside leaned against it or pushed their feathery heads through it2 and ,i saw presently that the priest was looking at the gate1 letting his eyes rove over every detail of climbing plant1 iron-work and the old brickwork--and not1 as ,i had at first thought1 merely gazing into the dim distances of the years behind him4 ,suddenly he broke the long silence4 8,did ,i ever tell you10 he asked1 8about what ,i saw out there in the garden8 ,it looks ordinary enough now3 yet ,i saw there what ,i suppose ,i shall never see again on this side of death1 or at least not until ,i am in the very gate of death itself40 ,i too looked out at the gate4 ,the atmosphere was full of that 8clear shining after rain0 of which ,king ,david sang--it was air made visible and radiant by the union of light and water1 those two most joyous creatures of ,god4 ,a great chestnut tree blotted out all beyond the gate4 8,tell me if you can10 ,i said4 8,you know how ,i love to hear those stories40 8,years ago1 as perhaps you know1 not long after my ordination ,i was working in ,london4 ,my father lived here then1 as his father before him4 ,that coat of arms in the centre of that iron gate was put up by him soon after he succeeded to the property4 ,i used to come down here now and then for a breath of country air4 ,i hardly remember any pleasure so keen as the pleasure of coming into this glorious country air out of the smoke and noise of ,london--or of lying awake at night with the rustle of the pines outside my window instead of the ceaseless human tumult of the town4 8,well1 ,i came down here once1 suddenly1 on a summer evening1 bearing heavy news4 ,i need not go into details2 it would be useless to do that--but it will be enough to say that the news did not personally affect me or my family4 ,it was a curious series of circumstances that led me to be the bearer of such news at all--but it was to a lady who happened by the merest chance to be staying with my family4 ,i scarcely knew her at all--in fact ,i had only seen her once before4 ,the news had come to my ears in ,london1 and ,i had heard that the one whom it most concerned did not know it--and that they dared not write or telegraph4 ,i volunteered of course to take the news myself4 8,it was with a very heavy heart that ,i walked up from the station--the road seemed intolerably short4 ,i may say that ,i knew that the news would be heart-breaking to her who had to hear it4 ,i came in by the gate at the end of the avenue0 7he waved his hand round to the right7 8and passed right down to the back of the house1 behind us4 ,this door at which we are sitting had been the front door1 but the drive had just been turfed over1 and we used the door at the back instead1 and this lawn here was very much as you see it now1 only the drive still showed plainly like a long narrow grave across the grass4 8,as ,i came in through the door at the back1 she was coming out1 with a book and a basket-chair to sit in the garden4 ,my heart gave a terrible throb of pain--for ,i knew that by the time my business was done there would be no thought of a quiet evening in the garden1 and that look of serene happiness would be wiped out of her face--and all through what ,i had to say4 ,for a moment she did not recognise me in the dark entry and stood back as ,i came in1 and then---- 8#8,why it is you1' she said2 #8you have come home4 ,i did not know you were expected4' 8,i breathed a moment steadily to recover myself4 8#8,i was not expected1' ,i said2 and then1 after a moment3 #8,may ,i speak to you8' 8#8,speak to me8 ,why1 certainly4 ,in the garden or here8' 8#8,in here1' ,i answered1 and went past her and pushed open the door into this room4 8,she came past me1 and stood here by the door still holding the book1 with her finger between the leaves4 8,now you are wondering1 ,i expect1 why ,i did not get some other woman to break the news to her4 ,well1 ,i had debated that ever since ,i had volunteered to be the bearer of these tidings3 and partly because ,i was afraid of being cowardly--call it pride if you will--and partly for other reasons which ,i need not mention1 ,i felt ,i was bound to fulfil my promise literally4 ,it might be1 ,i thought too1 that she would prefer the news to be known by as few people as possible4 ,at least1 whether ,i judged rightly or wrongly1 here was my task before me4 8,she stood there10 the old man went on1 pointing to the doorpost on the right1 8and ,i here10 and he pointed a yard further back1 8and the door was wide open as it is now1 and the fragrant evening air poured past us into the room4 ,her face would be partly in shadow2 but in her eyes there was just a dawning wonder at my abruptness1 with perhaps the faintest tinge of anxiety1 but no more4 8#8,i have come1' ,i said slowly1 looking out into the garden1 #8on a very hard errand4' ,i could not go on4 ,i turned and looked at her4 ,ah6 the anxiety had deepened a little4 #8,and--and it concerns you and your happiness4' ,i looked again1 and ,i remember how her face had changed4 ,her lips were a little open1 and her eyes shone wide open1 half in shadow and half in light1 and there were new and terrible little lines on her forehead4 ,and then ,i told her4 8,it was done in a sentence or two1 and when ,i looked again her lips had closed and her hand had clenched itself into the moulding of the doorpost4 ,i can see her rings now blazing in the light that poured over the chestnut tree 7it was lower then7 into the room4 ,then her lips moved once or twice--her hand unclenched itself hesitatingly--and she went steadily across the room4 ,there was a great sofa there then1 and when she reached it she threw herself face downwards across the arm and back4 8,and ,i waited at the doorway1 looking out at the iron gate4 ,sorrow was new to me then4 ,i had not learnt to understand it then1 or to be quiet under it4 ,and as ,i looked ,i knew only that there was a terrible struggle going on in the room behind4 ,there in front of me was a garden full of peace and sweetness and the soft glow of sunset light2 and there behind me was something very like hell--and ,i stood between the living and the dead4 8,then ,i remembered that ,i was a priest1 and ought to be able to say something--just a word of the ,divine message that the ,saviour brought--but ,i could not4 ,i felt ,i was in deep waters4 ,even ,god seemed far away1 intolerably serene and aloof2 and ,i longed with all my power for a human person to pray and to bear a little of that strife behind me1 from which ,i felt separated by so wide a gulf4 ,and then ,god gave me the clear vision again4 8,you see the iron gate10 the old man went on1 pointing4 8,well1 right between those posts1 but a little above them1 outlined clearly against the chestnut tree1 beyond1 was the figure of a man4 8,now ,i do not know how to explain myself1 but ,i was conscious that across this material world of light and colour there cut a plane of the spiritual world1 and that where the planes crossed ,i could look through and see what was beyond4 ,it was like smoke cutting across a sunbeam4 ,each made the other visible4 8,well1 this figure of a man1 then1 was kneeling in the air1 that is the only way ,i can describe it--his face was turned towards me1 but upwards4 ,now the most curious thing that struck me at the time was that he was1 as it were1 leaning at a sharp angle to one side2 but it did not appear to be grotesque4 ,instead the world seemed tilted2 the chestnut tree was out of the perpendicular2 the wall out of the horizontal4 ,the true level was that of the man4 8,i know this sounds foolish1 but it showed me how the world of spirits was the real world1 and the world of sense comparatively unreal1 just as the sorrow of the woman behind me was more real than the beams overhead4 8,and again1 compared with the kneeling figure1 the chestnut tree and the gate seemed unsubstantial and shadowy4 ,i know that men who see visions tell us that it is usually the other way4 ,all ,i can say is that it was not so with me4 ,this figure was kneeling1 as ,i have said2 his robe streamed away behind him--a great cloak--drawn tightly back from the shoulders1 as if he were battling with a strong wind--the ,wind of ,grace1 ,i suppose1 that always blows from the ,throne4 ,his arms were stretched out in front of him1 but opened sufficiently to let me see his face2 and his face will be with me till ,i die1 and please ,god afterwards4 ,it was beardless1 and bore the unmistakable character of a priest's face4 8,now you know how close the intensest pain and the intensest joy lie together4 ,their lines so nearly meet4 ,in this man's face they did meet4 ,anguish and ecstasy were one4 ,his eyes were open1 his lips parted4 ,i could not tell whether he was old or young4 ,his face was ageless1 as the faces of all are who look upon ,him who inhabits eternity4 ,he was praying4 ,i can say no more than that4 ,he had opened his heart to this woman's sorrow4 ,he had made it his own3 and it met there1 in petition if you wish to call it so1 or in resignation if you prefer that name for it1 or in adoration--you may call it what you will--all that is true1 but each is inadequate--but that sorrow met there with his own purified will1 which itself had become one with the eternal will of ,god4 ,i tell you ,i know it4 8,i looked at him1 and in my ears was a sobbing from the room behind2 but as ,i looked the glory of anguish deepened on his face1 and the sobbing behind me slackened and ceased1 and ,i heard a whispering and the name of ,god and of ,his ,son1 and then the sight before me had passed2 and there stood the chestnut tree again as real and as beautiful as before2 and when ,i turned the woman was standing up1 and the light of conquest was in her eyes4 8,she held out her hand to me1 and ,i stooped and kissed it1 but ,i dared not take it in my own1 for she had been in heavenly places4 ,i had seen her sorrow carried and laid before the throne of ,god by one greater than either of us1 and something of his glory rested upon her40 ,the old man's voice ceased4 ,when ,i turned to look at him he was looking steadily again at the iron gate in the wall1 and his eyes were shining like the radiant air outside4 8,i do not know10 he said in a moment1 8whether she is alive or dead1 but ,i offered the ,holy ,sacrifice this morning for her peace in either state40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,poena ,damni ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,all their sins stand before them1 and produce in their essences remorse1 eternal despair and a hostile will against ,god4 ,for such a soul there is no remedy4 ,it cannot come into the light of ,god4444 ,even if ,st4 ,peter had left many thousand keys upon earth1 not a single one of them could open ,heaven for it40 ,a ,german ,mystic4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,poena ,damni ,,we were sitting at dinner one evening when the priest1 who had been talkative1 seemed to fall into a painful train of thought that silenced him4 ,he grew more and more ill at ease1 and was obviously relieved when ,i threw my cigarette away and he was able to propose a move to the next room4 ,presently his distress seemed to pass2 and then1 as we sat near the fireplace1 he explained himself4 8,i must ask your pardon10 he said1 8but somehow ,i fell into a very dreadful train of thought4 ,it was suggested to me1 ,i think1 by the red lamp on the table and the evening light through the windows1 and the silver and glass4 7,you know the power of association67 ,i went through one of the most fearful moments of my life under just those circumstances40 ,i was silent1 as the priest seemed to have more to say4 8,it has affected my nerves10 he said1 8and it would be rather a relief to tell you4 ,would you mind if ,i did so80 ,on my assurance that it would greatly interest me1 he began4 8,it is a fashion among those who do not really accept ,revelation as revelation to believe in a kind of ,universalism4 ,quite apart from authority1 this doctrine contravenes1 as you of course know1 the reality of man's free will4 ,the incident of which ,i wish to tell you concerns the way in which ,i first caught a glimpse of that for myself4 8,a good many years ago ,i made the acquaintance of a man in the ,west of ,england1 under circumstances that ,i need not describe further than saying that he seemed to have confidence in me4 ,he asked me to stay with him in his country house1 and ,i went down from ,london for the inside of a week4 ,i found him living the usual country life1 fishing and so forth2 for it was summer when ,i visited him4 ,it was a fine old house that he lived in1 surrounded by coverts4 ,he had a charming wife and two or three children1 and at first ,i thought him extremely happy and contented4 8,then ,i thought that ,i noticed that things were not so well with him4 ,the cottages on his estate were ill-cared for1 and that is always a bad sign4 ,from one or two small signs1 such as you can guess1 ,i found that the tone among his servants was not what it should be2 and one or two horrid pieces of cruelty came under my notice4 ,i know this sounds as if ,i were a sort of spy1 greedy for information2 but all that ,i can say is1 that these signs were unmistakable and obvious1 and came to me1 of course1 unsought and unexpected4 ,then ,i saw that his domestic relations were not right4 ,i do not know how else to describe all this than by saying that there seemed a kind of blight upon his surroundings4 ,nothing was absolutely wrong1 and yet all was just wrong4 8,at first ,i thought that ,i myself was depressed or jaundiced in some way2 but at last ,i could not continue to believe that2 and on the ,friday of my stay1 the last day1 ,i became finally certain that something was horribly wrong with the man himself4 ,then that evening he opened his heart to me1 so far as it was possible for him to do so4 8,his wife1 with the two daughters1 had left us after dessert and gone into the garden1 and we remained in the dining-room4 ,the windows looked to the west1 across a smooth sloping lawn1 with the lake at the end2 beyond that rose up a delicate birch wood1 and beyond that again a soft green sky1 where the sun had set1 deepening into a liquid evening blue overhead1 in which a star or two glimmered4 ,i could see1 as ,i looked out1 the white figures of his wife and daughters against the shining surface of the lake at the end of the lawn4 8,after he had lit his cigarette1 and had a glass or two of wine1 suddenly he opened his heart to me1 and told me an appalling story that ,i could not tell you4 ,i sat and watched his strong sinewy hand rise and fall with the cigarette1 under the red lamp-light2 ,i glanced at his quiet well-bred face with the downcast eyes and the long moustache1 and ,i wondered whether it was possible really for such a tale to be true2 but he spoke with a restrained conviction that left no room for doubt4 ,what ,i gathered from the story was this2--that he had identified himself1 his whole will1 his whole life practically1 with the cause of ,satan4 ,i could not detect as he talked that he had ever seriously attempted to detach himself from that cause4 ,it has been said that a saint is one who always chooses the better of the two courses open to him at every step2 so far as ,i could see this man had always chosen the worse of the two courses4 ,when he had done things that you and ,i would think right1 he had always done them for some bad reason4 ,he had been continuously aware1 too1 of what was happening4 ,i do not think that ,i have ever heard such a skilful self-analysis4 ,now and then1 as ,i saw the gulf of despair towards which his talk was leading1 ,i interrupted him1 suggesting alleviations of the horror--suggesting that he was pessimistic--that he had acted often under misconceptions--and the like2 but he always met me with a quiet answer that silenced me4 ,in fact10 said the priest1 who was beginning to tremble a little1 8,i have never thought it possible that a heart could be so corrupt and yet retain so much knowledge and feeling4 8,when he had finished his story he looked at me for a moment1 and then said3 8#8,lately ,i have seen what ,i have lost1 and what ,i shall lose2 and ,i have told you this to ask if the ,christian ,gospel has any hope for such as ,i am4' 8,of course ,i answered as a ,christian priest must answer1 for ,i honestly thought that here was the greatest miracle of ,god's grace that ,i had ever seen4 ,when ,i had finished ,i lifted my eyes from the cloth and looked up4 ,his fingers1 while ,i was speaking1 had been playing with an apostle spoon1 but as ,i looked up he looked up too1 and our eyes met40 ,as the priest said this1 he got up1 and leaned his head against the high oak mantelpiece1 and was silent a moment4 ,then he went on3 8,god forgive me if ,i was wrong--if ,i am wrong now--but this is what ,i think ,i saw4 8,out of his eyes looked a lost soul4 ,as a symbol1 or a sign1 too1 his eyes shone suddenly with that dull red light that you may see sometimes in a dog's eyes4 ,it was the poena damni of which ,i had read1 which shone there4 ,it was true1 as he had said1 that he was seeing clearly what he had lost and would lose2 it was the gate of heaven opening to one who could not enter in4 ,it was the chink of light under the door to one who cried1 #8,lord1 ,lord1 open to me1' but through the door there came that answer1 #8,i know you not4' ,ah6 it was not that he had never known before what ,god was1 and ,his service and love2 it was just his condemnation that he had known3 that he had seen1 not once or twice but again and again1 the two ways1 and had1 not once nor twice but again and again1 chosen the worse of those two2 and now he was powerless4 8,i tell you ,i saw this for a moment4 ,there was this human face1 so well-bred1 with its delicate lines1 looking almost ethereal in the soft red light of the lamp3 behind him1 between the windows hung a portrait of an ancestor1 some old ,caroline divine in ruff and bands4 ,through the windows was that sweet glory of evening--with the three figures by the lake4 ,here1 between us1 was the delicate soothing luxury of cleanliness and coolness and refreshment1 such as glass and silver and fruit suggest3 and there for one second in this frame of beauty and peace looked the eyes of one who desired even a drop of living water to cool his tongue1 for he was tormented in a flame4 8,and ,i saw all this2 and then the room began to swim and whirl1 and the table to tilt and sway1 and ,i fell1 ,i suppose1 forward1 and sank down on to the floor4 ,when ,i recovered there were the men in the room1 and the anxious face of my host looking down on me4 8,i had to return to town the next morning4 ,i wrote to him a long letter the following week1 saying that ,i had been ill on the evening on which he had given me his confidence3 and that ,i had not said all that ,i could say3 and ,i went on1 giving the lie to what ,i had thought ,i had seen1 speaking to him as ,i should speak to any soul who was weary of sin and desired ,god4 8,indeed ,i thought it most possible1 as ,i wrote the letter1 that ,i had had a horrible delusion2 and that all could be well with him4 ,i got an answer of a few lines1 saying that he must apologise for having troubled me with such a story2 adding that he had greatly exaggerated his own sin2 that he too had been over-excited and unwell3 and that he too trusted in a ,god of ,love--and begging me not to refer to the conversation again40 ,the priest sat down again4 8,now you may of course accept this version of it1 if you will4 ,i only would to ,god that ,i could too40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,consolatrix ,afflictorum0 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,should it be burdensome for thee 444 she will for thy sake herself raise me up when ,i chance to fall1 and console me when sorrowing40 ,st4 ,leander of ,seville4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,consolatrix ,afflictorum0 ,,the following letter will explain itself4 ,the original was read to me by my friend on one of those days during my stay with him2 and he allowed me1 at my request1 to make a copy4 ,the sermon referred to in the first sentence of the letter was preached in a foreign watering-place on ,christmas ,day4 8,,villa---- 8,december #bi1 #ah-- 8,reverend and ,dear ,sir1 8,i listened with great attention to your sermon on ,christmas ,day2 ,i am getting on in years1 and ,i am an invalid2 so you will understand that ,i have few friends--and ,i think none who would not think me mad if ,i told them the story that ,i am proposing to tell you4 ,for many years ,i have been silent on this subject2 since it always used to be received with incredulity4 ,but ,i fancy that you will not be incredulous4 ,as ,i watched you and listened to you on ,christmas ,day1 ,i thought ,i saw in you one to whom the supernatural was more than a beautiful and symbolical fairy-story1 and one who held it not impossible that this unseen should sometimes manifest itself4 ,as you reminded us1 the ,religion of the ,incarnation rests on the fact that the ,infinite and the ,eternal expresses ,himself in terms of space and time2 and that it is in this that the greatness of the ,love of ,god consists4 ,since then1 as you said1 the ,creation1 the ,incarnation1 and the ,sacramental ,system alike1 in various degree1 are the manifestation of ,god under these conditions1 surely it cannot be #8materialistic' 7whatever that exactly means71 to believe that the #8spiritual' world and the personages that inhabit it sometimes express themselves in the same manner as their ,maker4 ,however1 will you have patience with me while ,i tell you this story8 ,i cannot believe that such a grace should be kept in darkness4 8,i was about seven years old when my mother died1 and my father left me chiefly to the care of servants4 ,either ,i must have been a difficult child1 or my nurse must have been a hard woman3 but ,i never gave her my confidence4 ,i had clung to my mother as a saint clings to ,god3 and when ,i lost her1 it nearly broke my heart4 ,night after night ,i used to lie awake1 with the firelight in the room1 remembering how she would look in on her way to bed2 when at last ,i slept it seems to me now as if ,i never did anything but dream of her2 and it was only to wake again to that desolate emptiness4 ,i would torture myself by closing my eyes1 and fancying she was there2 and then opening them and seeing the room empty4 ,i would turn and toss and sob without a sound4 ,i suppose that ,i was as near the limit that divides sanity from madness as it is possible to be4 ,during the day ,i would sit on the stairs when ,i could get away from my nurse1 and pretend that my mother's footsteps were moving overhead1 that her door opened1 that ,i heard her dress on the carpet3 again ,i would open my eyes1 and in self-cruelty compel myself to understand that she was gone4 ,then again ,i would tell myself that it was all right3 that she was away for the day1 but would come back at night4 ,in the evenings ,i would be happier1 as the time for her return drew nearer2 even when ,i said my prayers ,i would look forward to the moment1 into which ,i had cheated myself in believing1 when the door would open1 after ,i was in bed1 and my mother look in4 ,then as the time passed1 my false faith would break down1 and ,i would sob myself to sleep1 dream of her1 and sob myself awake again4 ,as ,i look back it appears to me as if this went on for months3 ,i suppose1 however1 in reality1 it could not have been more than a very few weeks1 or my reason would have given way4 ,and at last ,i was caught on the edge of the precipice1 and drawn lovingly back to safety and peace4 8,i used to sleep alone in the night-nursery at this time1 and my nurse occupied a room opening out of it4 ,the night-nursery had two doors1 one at the foot of my bed1 and one at the further end of the room1 in the corner diagonally opposite to that in which the head of my bed stood4 ,the first opened upon the landing1 and the second into my nurse's room1 and this latter was generally kept a few inches open4 ,there was no light in my room1 but a night-light was kept burning in the nurse's room1 so that even without the firelight my room was not in total darkness4 8,i was lying awake one night 7,i suppose it would be about eleven o'clock71 having gone through a dreadful hour or two of misery1 half-waking and half-sleeping4 ,i had been crying quietly1 for fear my nurse should hear through the partly opened door1 burying my hot face in the pillow4 ,i was feeling really exhausted1 listening to my own heart1 and cheating myself into the half-faith that its throbs were the footsteps of my mother coming towards my room2 ,i had raised my face and was staring at the door at the foot of my bed1 when it opened suddenly without a sound2 and there1 as ,i thought1 my mother stood1 with the light from the oil-lamp outside shining upon her4 ,she was dressed1 it seemed1 as once before ,i had seen her in ,london1 when she came into my room to bid me good-night before she went out to an evening party4 ,her head shone with jewels that flashed as the firelight rose and sank in the room1 a dark cloak shrouded her neck and shoulders1 one hand held the edge of the door1 and a great jewel gleamed on one of her fingers4 ,she seemed to be looking at me4 8,i sat up in bed in a moment1 amazed but not frightened1 for was it not what ,i had so often fancied8 and ,i called out to her3 8#8,mother1 mother6' 8,at the word she turned and looked on to the landing1 and gave a slight movement with her head1 as if to some one waiting there1 either of assent or dismissal1 and then turned to me again4 ,the door closed silently1 and ,i could see in the firelight1 and in the faint glimmer that came through the other door1 that she held out her arms to me4 ,i threw off the bedclothes in a moment1 and scrambled down to the end of the bed1 and she lifted me gently in her arms1 but said no word4 ,i too said nothing1 but she raised the cloak a little and wrapped it round me1 and ,i lay there in bliss1 my head on her shoulder1 and my arm round her neck4 ,she walked smoothly and noiselessly to a rocking-chair that stood beside the fire and sat down1 and then began to rock gently to and fro4 ,now it may be difficult to believe1 but ,i tell you that ,i neither said anything1 nor desired to say anything4 ,it was enough that she was there4 ,after a little while ,i suppose ,i fell asleep1 for ,i found myself in an agony of tears and trembling again1 but those arms held me firmly1 and ,i was soon at peace2 still she spoke no word1 and ,i did not see her face4 8,when ,i woke again she was gone1 and it was morning1 and ,i was in bed1 and the nurse was drawing up the blind1 and the winter sunshine lay on the wall4 ,that day was the happiest ,i had known since my mother's death2 for ,i knew she would come again4 8,after ,i was in bed that evening ,i lay awake waiting1 so full of happy content and certainty that ,i fell asleep4 ,when ,i awoke the fire was out1 and there was no light but a narrow streak that came through the door from my nurse's room4 ,i lay there a minute or two waiting1 expecting every moment to see the door open at the foot of my bed2 but the minutes passed1 and then the clock in the hall below beat three4 ,then ,i fell into a passion of tears2 the night was nearly gone1 and she had not come to me4 ,then1 as ,i tossed to and fro1 trying to stifle my crying1 through my tears there came the misty flash of light as the door opened1 and there she stood again4 ,once again ,i was in her arms1 and my face on her shoulder4 ,and again ,i fell asleep there4 8,now this went on night after night1 but not every night1 and never unless ,i awoke and cried4 ,it seemed that if ,i needed her desperately she came1 but only then4 8,but there were two curious incidents that occurred in the order in which ,i will write them down4 ,the second ,i understand now1 at any rate2 the first ,i have never altogether understood1 or rather there are several possible explanations4 8,one night as ,i lay in her arms by the fire1 a large coal suddenly slipped from the grate and fell with a crash1 awaking the nurse in the other room4 ,i suppose she thought something was wrong1 for she appeared at the door with a shawl over her shoulders1 holding the night-light in one hand and shading it with the other4 ,i was going to speak1 when my mother laid her hand across my mouth4 ,the nurse advanced into the room1 passed close beside us1 apparently without seeing us1 went straight to the empty bed1 looked down on the tumbled clothes1 and then turned away as if satisfied1 and went back to her room4 ,the next day ,i managed to elicit from her1 by questioning1 the fact that she had been disturbed in the night1 and had come into my room1 but had seen me sleeping quietly in bed4 8,the other incident was as follows4 ,one night ,i was lying half dozing against my mother's breast1 my head against her heart1 and not1 as ,i usually lay1 with my head on her shoulder4 ,as ,i lay there it seemed to me as if ,i heard a strange sound like the noise of the sea in a shell1 but more melodious4 ,it is difficult to describe it1 but it was like the murmuring of a far-off crowd1 overlaid with musical pulsations4 ,i nestled closer to her and listened2 and then ,i could distinguish1 ,i thought1 innumerable ripples of church bells pealing1 as if from another world4 ,then ,i listened more intently to the other sound2 there were words1 but ,i could not distinguish them4 ,again and again a voice seemed to rise above the others1 but ,i could hear no intelligible words4 ,the voices cried in every sort of tone--passion1 content1 despair1 monotony4 ,and then as ,i listened ,i fell asleep4 ,as ,i look back now1 ,i have no doubt what voices those were that ,i heard4 8,and now comes the end of the story4 ,my health began to improve so remarkably that those about me noticed it4 ,i never gave way1 during the day at any rate1 to those old piteous imaginings2 and at night1 when1 ,i suppose1 the will partly relaxes its control1 whenever my distress reached a certain point1 she was there to comfort me4 ,but her visits grew more and more rare1 as ,i needed her less1 and at last ceased4 ,but it is of her last visit1 which took place in the spring of the following year1 that ,i wish to speak4 8,i had slept well all night1 but had awakened in the dark just before the dawn from some dream which ,i forget1 but which left my nerves shaken4 ,when in my terror ,i cried out1 again the door opened1 and she was there4 ,she stood with the jewels in her hair1 and the cloak across her shoulders1 and the light from the landing lay partly on her face4 ,i scrambled at once down the bed1 and was lifted and carried to the chair1 and presently fell asleep4 ,when ,i awoke the dawn had come1 and the birds were stirring and chirping1 and a pleasant green light was in the room2 and ,i was still in her arms4 ,it was the first time1 except in the instance ,i have mentioned1 that ,i had awakened except in bed1 and it was a great joy to find her there4 ,as ,i turned a little ,i saw the cloak which sheltered us both--of a deep blue1 with an intricate pattern of flowers and leaves and birds among branches4 ,then ,i turned still more to see her face1 which was so near me1 but it was turned away2 and even as ,i moved she rose and carried me towards the bed4 ,still holding me on her left arm she lifted and smoothed the bedclothes1 and then laid me gently in bed1 with my head on the pillow4 ,and then for the first time ,i saw her face plainly4 ,she bent over me1 with one hand on my breast as if to prevent me from rising1 and looked straight into my eyes2 and it was not my mother4 8,there was one moment of blinding shock and sorrow1 and ,i gave a great sob1 and would have risen in bed1 but her hand held me down1 and ,i seized it with both my own1 and still looked in her eyes4 ,it was not my mother1 and yet was there ever such a mother's face as that8 ,i seemed to be looking into depths of indescribable tenderness and strength1 and ,i leaned on that strength in those moments of misery4 ,i gave another sob or two as ,i looked1 but ,i was quieter1 and at last peace came to me1 and ,i had learnt my lesson4 8,i did not at the time know who she was1 but my little soul dimly saw that my own mother for some reason could not at that time come to me who needed her so sorely1 and that another great ,mother had taken her place2 yet1 after the first moment or so1 ,i felt no anger or jealousy1 for one who had looked into that kindly face could have no such unworthy thought4 8,then ,i lifted my head a little1 ,i remember1 and kissed the hand that ,i held in my own1 reverently and slowly4 ,i do not know why ,i did it1 except that it was the natural thing to do4 ,the hand was strong and white1 and delicately fragrant4 ,then it was withdrawn1 and she was standing by the door1 and the door was open2 and then she was gone1 and the door was closed4 8,i have never seen her since1 but ,i have never needed to see her1 for ,i know who she is2 and1 please ,god1 ,i shall see her again2 and next time ,i hope my mother and ,i will be together2 and perhaps it will not be very long2 and perhaps she will allow me to kiss her hand again4 8,now1 my dear sir1 ,i do not know how all this will appear to you2 it may seem to you1 though ,i do not think it will1 merely childish4 ,yet1 in a sense1 ,i desire nothing more than that1 for our ,saviour ,himself told us to be like children1 and our ,saviour too once lay on ,his ,mother's breast4 ,i know that ,i am getting an old man1 and that old men are sometimes very foolish2 but it more and more seems to me that experience1 as well as ,his words1 tells me that the great ,kingdom of ,heaven has a low and narrow door that only little children can enter1 and that we must become little again1 and drop all our bundles1 if we would go through4 8,that1 dear and ,reverend ,sir1 is my story4 ,and may ,i ask you to remember me sometimes at the altar and in your prayers8 for surely ,god will ask much from one to whom ,he has given so much1 and as yet ,i have nothing to show for it2 and my time must be nearly at an end1 even if ,his infinite patience is not4 8,believe me1 8,yours faithfully1 8---- ----40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,bridge over the ,stream ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,lo1 ,i am free6 ,i choose the pain thou bearest3 ,thou art the messenger of one who waits2 ,thou wilt reveal the hidden face thou wearest ,when my feet falter at the ,eternal ,gates40 ,old ,foes4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,bridge over the ,stream ,,we were at tea one afternoon on the little low1 tiled platform that marked the site of an old summer-house4 ,tall hurdles covered with briar-roses on the further side of the path fenced off the rest of the garden from us1 and the sun had just sunk below the level of the house1 throwing both ourselves and the garden into cool shadow4 ,the servant had brought out the tea-things1 but he presently returned with something of horror on his face4 ,the old man looked up and saw him4 8,what is it1 ,parker80 he asked4 8,there's been an accident1 sir4 ,tom ,awcock at the home farm has been drawn into some machine1 and they say he must lose both arms1 and maybe his life40 ,the old man turned quite white1 and his eyes grew larger and brighter4 8,is the doctor with him80 he asked1 in a perfectly steady voice4 8,yes1 sir1 and they've sent a message1 ,would you be good enough to step down8 ,the rector's away1 and ,tom's mother's crying terrible4 ,but not yet1 sir4 ,about seven o'clock1 they say4 ,it won't be over till then1 and there's no immediate danger40 8,tell them ,i will be there at seven10 said the clergyman4 ,parker went back to the house1 and presently we heard the footsteps of a child running down the drive towards the farm4 8,how shocking it is60 ,i said in a moment or two4 8,ah60 said the old man1 smiling1 8,i have learnt my lesson4 ,it is not really so shocking as you think4 ,does that sound very hard80 ,i said nothing1 for it seemed to me that all the consolations of religion could not soften the horror of such things4 ,if such agonies are necessary as remedies or atonements1 at least they are terrible4 8,i learnt my lesson10 the old man went on1 8down the road there outside the hedge--down by the bridge4 ,would you like to hear it8 ,or are you tired of an old dreamer's stories80 and he smiled at me4 8,now ,i know you think that ,i am hard--that ,i am a little apart maybe from human life--that ,i cannot understand the blind misery of those who suffer in ignorance2 yet you would be the first1 ,i believe1 to think that ,mrs4 ,awcock's consolations are unreal1 and that when she tells me that she knows there is a wise purpose behind1 she is only repeating what is proper to say to a clergyman4 ,but that is not so2 that old threadbare sentence is intensely real to these people1 and1 ,i hope1 to myself too4 ,for there is nothing that ,i desire more than to be a child like them4 ,it is the apparent purposelessness that distresses you3 it is the certainty of a deliberate purpose that comforts me4 ,well1 shall ,i tell you what ,i saw80 ,i was a little distressed at what looked like callousness1 but ,i told him ,i would like to hear the story4 8,i was standing one evening--it would be about five years ago--in the field down there near the stream4 ,you remember the bridge there1 over which the road goes1 just outside the hedge4 ,i love running water1 and ,i went slowly up and down by the side of the beck4 ,there were children on the road1 coming back from school1 and they stopped on the bridge to look at the water1 as children and old men will4 ,they did not see me1 as the field is a little below the road1 and besides their backs were turned to me4 ,i could see a pink frock or two1 and a pair of stout bare legs4 ,two girls were taking their brother home--he was between them1 a hand clasped by each of the sisters4 ,i suppose the eldest girl would be about nine1 and the boy five4 ,they were talking solemnly1 and ,i could hear every word4 8,why are children always supposed to be gay8 ,there is no solemnity in the world to be compared to the solemnity of a little boy1 or of his sister who has charge of him4 8,one of the girls said1 #8,look1 ,johnny1 there are little fishes down there4' 8#8,when ,i am a man'----,johnny began1 very slowly4 8#8,look1 ,johnny1' said the other girl1 #8there's a blue flower4' 8,up to this ,i remember every word4 ,but then ,i began to watch ,johnny4 8,the girls went on talking1 but they leaned over more1 and ,i could not hear them plainly4 ,johnny stealthily withdrew a hand from each of his sisters1 and began to look for a stone to throw at the fishes or the blue flower1 ,i suppose2 for man is lord of ,creation4 ,i could see him presently through the hedge digging patiently with his fingers and loosening a stone that was firm in the road4 ,and at that moment ,i heard a far-away shout and the distant bark of a dog4 8,the evening was wonderfully still3 every leaf hung quiet3 and there were far-off clouds heaping themselves up in the west1 tower over tower4 ,we had a thunderstorm that night1 ,i remember4 ,the brook was quiet1 just slipping noiselessly from pool to pool4 8,still ,johnny was digging and the girls were talking4 ,then out of the village above us came again far-off noises4 ,i could hear a rumble and the clatter of hoofs1 then a cry or two more1 and the nearer terrified yelp of a dog4 ,but the girls were intent on the brook--and ,johnny on the stone4 8,even now ,i did not understand what was happening3 but ,i grew uneasy--and with great difficulty1 for ,i was an old man even then1 tried to scramble up the high bank by the bridge4 ,as ,i reached the top ,i saw that one of the girls had gone4 ,she had run1 ,i suppose1 off the bridge down by the side of the road4 ,the other girl was still standing--but looking in a frightened way up the hill4 ,down the hill came the loud rumble of a cart and the clatter of hoofs1 terribly near4 8,the girl by the side of the road began to scream to her sister1 who darted off1 and then remembered ,johnny and turned4 ,johnny got up too and ran to the parapet and stood against it4 8,i was shouting too by now1 through the hedge3 but ,i could do nothing more1 nothing more1 because the hedge was high and thick1 and ,i was an old man4 ,then in a moment ,i remembered that shouting would only distract them1 and ,i stopped4 ,it was useless4 ,i could do absolutely nothing4 ,but it was very hard4 8,then ,i saw the galloping body of a horse through the branches1 with a butcher's cart that rocked behind him4 ,there was no one on the cart4 8,now there was room for the cart to pass the boy safely4 ,by the wheelmarks1 which ,i looked at afterwards1 there were three clear feet--if only the boy had stood still4 8,the girls seemed petrified as they stood1 one in act to run1 the other crouching and hiding her face against the hedge4 ,the cart was now within ten yards1 as ,i could see1 though ,i was still staring at ,johnny4 ,then this is what ,i saw4 8,somewhere behind him over the parapet of the bridge there was a figure4 ,i remember nothing about it except the face and the hands4 ,the face was1 ,i think1 the tenderest ,i have ever seen4 ,the eyes were downcast1 looking upon the boy's head with indescribable love1 the lips were smiling4 ,one hand was over the boy's eyes1 the other against his shoulder behind4 ,in a moment the memory of other stories ,i had heard came to mind--and ,i gave a sob of relief that the boy was safe in such care4 8,but as the iron hoofs and rocking wheels came up1 the hand on the boy's shoulder suddenly pushed him to meet them2 and yet those tender eyes and mouth never flinched1 and the child took a step forward in front of the horse1 and was beaten down without a cry3 and the cart lurched heavily1 righted itself1 and dashed on out of sight4 8,when the cloud of dust had passed1 the little body lay quiet on the road1 and the two girls were clinging to one another1 screaming and sobbing1 but there was nothing else4 8,i was as angry at first as an old man could be4 ,i nearly 7may ,he forgive me for it now67 cursed ,god and died4 ,but the memory of that tender face did its work4 ,it was as the face of a mother who nurses her first-born child1 as the face of a child who kisses a wounded creature1 it was as ,i think the ,father's ,face itself must have been1 which those angels always behold1 as ,he looked down upon the ,sacrifice of ,his only ,son4 8,will you forgive me now if ,i seemed hard a few minutes ago8 ,perhaps you still think it was hardness that made me speak as ,i did4 ,but1 for myself1 ,i hope ,i may call it by a better name than that40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,in the ,convent ,chapel ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,in her all longings mix and meet2 ,dumb souls through her are eloquent2 ,she feels the earth beneath her feet ,vibrate in passionate intent2 ,through her our tides of feeling roll ,and find their ,god within her soul40 ,the ,contemplative ,soul4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,in the ,convent ,chapel ,,one evening about this time1 on coming indoors for tea1 ,i found the old man seated at the open door that looked on to the lawn1 with a book on his knees1 and his finger between the pages4 ,he held the book towards me as ,i came near him1 and showed me the title1 8,the ,interior ,castle40 8,i have just been reading10 he said1 8,saint ,teresa's description of the difference between the intellectual and the imaginative vision4 ,it is curious how she fails really to express it1 except to any one who happens to have had a glimpse already for himself of what she means4 ,i suppose it is one of the signs of reality in the spiritual world that no one can ever describe so much as he knows40 ,i sat down4 8,i am afraid ,i don't understand a word you are saying10 ,i answered smiling4 ,for answer he opened the book and read ,saint ,teresa's curious gasping incoherent sentences--at least so ,i thought them4 8,still10 ,i said1 8,i am afraid----0 8,oh10 he said almost impatiently1 8surely you know now2 indeed you know it1 but do not recognise it40 8,can you give me any sort of instance80 ,i asked4 ,he thought for a moment or two in silence2 and then---- 8,i think ,i can10 he said1 8if you are sure it will not bore you40 ,he poured out tea for us both1 and then began3 8,most of the tales ,i have told you are of the imaginative vision1 by which ,i do not mean that the vision is in any way unreal or untrue1 which is what most people mean by #8imaginative1' but only that it presents itself in the form of a visible picture4 ,it seems chiefly the function of the imagination to visualise facts1 and it is an abuse of that faculty to employ it chiefly in visualising fancies4 ,but it is possible for spiritual facts to represent themselves vividly and clearly to the intellect instead1 so that the person to whom the intellectual vision is given does not1 so to speak1 #8see' anything1 but only #8apprehends' something to be true4 ,however1 this will become more clear presently4 8,some years ago ,i took my annual holiday in the form of a solitary walking tour4 ,i will not tell you where ,i went1 as there are others concerned in this story who would dislike intensely to be publicly spoken of in the way that ,i shall have to speak of them2 but it is enough to say that ,i came at last to a little town towards sunset4 ,my object in coming to this place was to visit a convent of enclosed nuns whose reputation for holiness was very great4 ,i carried with me a letter of introduction to the ,reverend ,mother1 which ,i knew would admit me to the chapel4 ,i left my bag at the inn1 and then walked down to the convent1 which stood a little way out of the town4 8,the lay sister who opened the door to me asked me to come into the parlour while she told the ,reverend ,mother2 and after waiting a few minutes in the prim room with its bees-waxed floor and its religious engravings and objects1 a wonderfully dignified little old lady1 with a quiet wrinkled face1 came in with my letter open in her hand4 ,we talked a few minutes about various things1 and ,i had a glass of cowslip wine in a thick-lipped wineglass4 8,she told me that the convent was a very ancient foundation1 that it had been a country house ever since the ,dissolution of the ,religious ,houses1 until about twenty years ago1 when it had been acquired for the community4 ,there still remained of the old buildings part of the cloisters1 with the south transept of the old church1 which was now the chapel2 the whole1 with a wall or two1 forming the courtyard through which ,i had come4 ,behind the house lay the garden1 on to which the window of the parlour looked2 and as ,i sat ,i could see a black cross or two marking the nuns' graveyard4 ,i made inquiries as to the way the time of the community was spent4 8#8,our object1' said the old lady1 #8is perpetual intercession for sinners4 ,we have the great joy of the ,blessed ,sacrament amongst us in the chapel1 and1 except during the choir offices and ,mass1 there is always a nun kneeling before ,it4 ,we look after one or two ladies incurably ill1 who have come to end their days with us1 and we make our living by embroidery4' 8,i asked how it was that she could receive strangers if the order was an enclosed one4 8#8,the lay sisters and myself alone can receive strangers4 ,we find that necessary4' 8,after a little more talk ,i asked whether ,i might see the chapel1 and she took me out into the courtyard immediately4 8,as we walked across the grass she pointed out to me the cloisters1 now built up into a corridor1 and the long ruined wall of the old nave which formed one side of the quadrangle4 ,a grave-faced and stout collie dog had joined us at the door1 and we three went together slowly towards the door in the centre of the west wall of the restored transept4 ,the evening sun lay golden on the wall before us and on the ruined base of the central tower of the old church1 round which jackdaws wheeled and croaked40 ,the old priest broke off and turned to me1 with his eyes burning3 8,what a marvellous thing the ,religious ,life is10 he said1 8and above all the ,contemplative ,life6 ,here were these nuns as no doubt they and their younger sisters are still1 without one single thing that in the world's opinion makes life worth living4 ,there is practically perpetual silence1 there are hours to be spent in the chapel1 no luxuries1 no amusements1 no power of choice1 they are always rather hungry and rather tired1 at the very least4 ,and yet they are not sacrificing present happiness to future happiness1 as the world always supposes1 but they are intensely and radiantly happy #8now in this present time4' ,i don't know what further proof any one wants of ,who our ,lord is than that men and women find the keenest1 and in fact their only joy1 in serving ,him and belonging to ,him4 8,well1 ,i remember that something of this sort was in my mind as ,i went across the courtyard beside this motherly old lady with her happy quiet face4 ,she had been over fifty years in ,religion1 my friend had told me4 8,at the door she stopped4 8#8,i will not come in1' she said1 #8but you will find me in the parlour when you come out4' 8,and she turned and went back1 with the collie walking slowly beside her1 his golden plumed tail raised high against her black habit4 8,the door was partly open1 but a thick curtain hung beyond4 ,i pushed it quietly aside and stepped in4 ,it seemed very dark at first1 in contrast to the brilliant sunshine outside2 but ,i presently saw that ,i was kneeling before a high iron-barred screen1 in which was no door4 ,on the left1 in the further corner of the chapel1 glimmered a blue light in a silver lamp before a statue of our ,lady4 8,opposite me rose up the steps before the high altar2 but not far away1 because1 as you remember1 the chapel had once been the transept of a church1 and the east wall1 in the centre of which the high altar stood1 was longer than both the south wall where a second altar stood1 and the modern brick wall that closed it on the north4 ,a slender crucifix in black and white and six thin tapers rose above the altar1 and high above stood the ,tabernacle closed by a white silk curtain1 before which flickered a tiny red spark4 8,i said a prayer or two1 and then ,i noticed for the first time a dark outline rising in the centre of the space before the altar4 ,for a moment ,i was perplexed1 and then ,i saw that it was the nun whose hour it was for intercession4 ,her back was turned to me as she knelt at the faldstool1 and her black veil fell in rigid lines on to her shoulders1 and mingled with her black serge habit below4 ,there she knelt perfectly motionless1 praying4 ,i had not1 and have not1 a notion as to her age4 ,she might have been twenty-five or seventy4 8,as ,i knelt there ,i thought deeply1 wondering as to the nun's age1 how long she had been professed1 when she would die1 whether she was happy2 and1 ,i am afraid1 ,i thought more of her than of ,him ,who was so near4 ,then a kind of anger seized me1 as ,i compared in my mind the life of a happy good woman in the world with that of this poor creature4 ,i pictured the life1 as one so often sees it in homes1 of a mother with her children growing up about her1 her hands busy with healthy home work1 her life glorified by a good man's love2 as she grows older1 passing from happy stage to happy stage1 comforting1 helping1 sweetening every soul she meets4 ,was it not for this that women--and men too1 ,i thought1 rebuking myself--were made8 ,then think of the sour life of the cloister--as loveless and desolate as the cold walls themselves6 ,and even1 ,i thought1 even if there is a strange peculiar joy in the ,religious ,life--even if there is an absence of sorrows and anxieties such as spoil the happiness of many lives in the world--yet1 after all1 surely the ,contemplative ,life is useless and barren4 ,the ,active ,life may be well enough1 if the prayers and the discipline issue in greater efficiency1 if the priest is more fervent when he ministers outside1 and the sister of charity more charitable4 ,yes1 ,i thought1 the active ,religious ,life is reasonable enough2 but the ,contemplative----6 ,after all it is essentially selfish1 it is a sin against society4 ,possibly it was necessary when the wickedness of the world was more fierce1 to protest against it by this retirement2 but not now1 not now6 ,how can the lump be leavened if the leaven be withdrawn8 ,how can a soul serve ,god by forsaking the world which ,he made and loves80444 8,and so10 said the priest1 turning to me again1 8,i went on--poor ignorant fool6--thinking that the woman who knelt in front of me was less useful than myself1 and that my words and actions and sermons and life did more to advance ,god's kingdom than her prayers6 ,and then--then--at the moment when ,i reached that climax of folly and pride1 ,god was good to me and gave me a little light4 8,now1 ,i do not know how to put it--,i have never put it into words before1 except to myself--but ,i became aware1 in my intellect alone1 of one or two clear facts4 ,in order to tell you what those facts were ,i must use picture language2 but remember they are only translations or paraphrases of what ,i perceived4 8,first ,i became aware suddenly that there ran a vital connection from the ,tabernacle to the woman4 ,you may think of it as one of those bands you see in machinery connecting two wheels1 so that when either wheel moves the other moves too4 ,or you may think of it as an electric wire1 joining the instrument the telegraph operator uses with the pointer at the other end4 ,at any rate there was this vital band or wire of life4 ,now in the ,tabernacle ,i became aware that there was a mighty stirring and movement4 ,something within it beat like a vast ,heart1 and the vibrations of each pulse seemed to quiver through all the ground4 ,or you may picture it as the movement of a clear deep pool when the basin that contains it is jarred--it seemed like the movement of circular ripples crossing and recrossing in swift thrills4 ,or you may think of it as that faint movement of light and shade that may be seen in the heart of a white-hot furnace4 ,or again you may picture it as sound--as the sound of a high ship-mast with the rigging1 in a steady wind2 or the sound of deep woods in a ,july noon4 ,the priest's face was working1 and his hands moved nervously4 8,how hopeless it is10 he said1 8to express all this6 ,remember that all these pictures are not in the least what ,i perceived4 ,they are only grotesque paraphrases of a spiritual fact that was shown me4 8,now ,i was aware that there was something of the same activity in the heart of the woman1 but ,i did not know which was the controlling power4 ,i did not know whether the initiative sprang from the ,tabernacle and communicated itself to the nun's will2 or whether she1 by bending herself upon the ,tabernacle1 set in motion a huge dormant power4 ,it appeared to me possible that the solution lay in the fact that two wills co-operated1 each reacting upon the other4 ,this1 in a kind of way1 appears to me now true as regards the whole mystery of free-will and prayer and grace4 8,at any rate the union of these two represented itself to me1 as ,i have said1 as forming a kind of engine that radiated an immense light or sound or movement4 ,and then ,i perceived something else too4 8,i once fell asleep in one of those fast trains from the north1 and did not awake until we had reached the terminus4 ,the last thing ,i had seen before falling asleep had been the quiet darkening woods and fields through which we were sliding1 and it was a shock to awake in the bright humming terminus and to drive through the crowded streets1 under the electric glare from the lamps and windows4 ,now ,i felt something of that sort now4 ,a moment ago ,i had fancied myself apart from movement and activity in this quiet convent2 but ,i seemed somehow to have stepped into a centre of busy1 rushing life4 ,i can scarcely put the sensation more clearly than that4 ,i was aware that the atmosphere was charged with energy2 great powers seemed to be astir1 and ,i to be close to the whirling centre of it all4 8,or think of it like this4 ,have you ever had to wait in a ,city office8 ,if you have done that you will know how intense quiet can coexist with intense activity4 ,there are quiet figures here and there round the room4 ,or it may be there is only one such figure--a great financier--and he sitting there almost motionless4 ,yet you know that every movement tingles1 as it were1 out from that still room all over the world4 ,you can picture to yourself how people leap to obey or to resist--how lives rise and fall1 and fortunes are made and lost1 at the gentle movements of this lonely quiet man in his office4 ,well1 so it was here4 ,i perceived that this black figure knelt at the centre of reality and force1 and with the movements of her will and lips controlled spiritual destinies for eternity4 ,there ran out from this peaceful chapel lines of spiritual power that lost themselves in the distance1 bewildering in their profusion and terrible in the intensity of their hidden fire4 ,souls leaped up and renewed the conflict as this tense will strove for them4 ,souls even at that moment leaving the body struggled from death into spiritual life1 and fell panting and saved at the feet of the ,redeemer on the other side of death4 ,others1 acquiescent and swooning in sin1 woke and snarled at the merciful stab of this poor nun's prayers40 ,the priest was trembling now with excitement4 8,yes10 he said2 8yes1 and ,i in my stupid arrogance had thought that my life was more active in ,god's world than hers4 ,so a small provincial shopkeeper1 bustling to and fro behind the counter1 might think1 if only he were mad enough1 that his life was more active and alive than the life of a director who sits at his table in the ,city4 ,yes1 that is a vulgar simile2 but the only one that ,i can think of which in the least expresses what ,i knew to be true4 ,there lay my little foolish narrow life behind me1 made up of spiritless prayers and efforts and feeble dealings with souls2 and how complacent ,i had been with it all1 how self-centred1 how out of the real tide of spiritual movement6 ,and meanwhile1 for years probably1 this nun had toiled behind these walls in the silence of grace1 with the hum of the world coming faintly to her ears1 and the cries of peoples and nations1 and of persons whom the world accounts important1 sounding like the voices of children at play in the muddy street outside2 and indeed that is all that they are1 compared to her--children making mud-pies or playing at shop outside the financier's office40 ,the priest was silent1 and his face became quieter again4 ,then in a moment he spoke again4 8,well10 he said1 8that is what ,i believe to have been an intellectual vision4 ,there was no form or appearance or sound2 but ,i can only express what was shown to me to be true1 under those images4 ,it almost seems to me as ,i look back now as if the air in the chapel were full of a murmurous sound and a luminous mist as the currents of need and grace went to and fro4 ,but ,i know really that the silence was deep and the air dim40 ,then ,i made a foolish remark4 8,if you feel like that about the ,contemplative ,life1 ,i wonder you did not try to enter it yourself40 ,the priest looked at me for a moment4 8,it would be rash1 surely1 for a little shopkeeper of no particular ability to compete with ,rothschild40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,under ,which ,king8 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,all such knowledge as this1 whether it comes from ,god or not1 can be but of little profit to the soul in the way of perfection1 if it trusts to it3 yea1 rather1 if it is not careful to reject it1 444 it will bring upon it great evil2 444 for all the dangers and inconveniences of the supernatural apprehensions1 and many more1 are to be found here40 ,the ,ascent of ,mount ,carmel4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,under ,which ,king8 ,,within a day or two of our conversation on ,st4 ,teresa1 ,i asked the old priest about what is called 8,quietism40 ,a friend had given me an old copy of ,molinos' ,spiritual ,guide1 and ,i knew that the writer had been condemned and imprisoned for life1 and yet ,i could not understand in what lay his crime4 8,it is difficult to put into words10 said the priest1 8or even to understand1 why certain sentences are condemned1 since it is probably possible to parallel them from other ,catholic mystics whose names are honoured4 ,yet the fact remains that the result of ,molinos' teaching was neglect of the ,sacraments and of external means of grace1 which was not so in the case of the schools of other mystics40 8,but ,i will tell you a story10 he went on1 8to illustrate the effect of certain kinds of mysticism2 and ,i must leave you to judge whether my friend was right or wrong in what he decided1 for ,i must tell you first that the incident did not happen to me4 ,on the whole ,i may say that ,i have my own opinion on the subject1 but ,i will not tell you what it is1 as sometimes ,i am strongly inclined to change it4 ,however1 you shall hear the story4 ,shall we take a stroll on the terrace80 ,and when we had reached it1 he began3 8,my friend was a priest of about thirty years of age 7this happened some forty years ago74 ,he was working in the country at the time1 and had a great deal of leisure for reading1 and this he chiefly occupied in the study of various mystics1 and most of them of the ,quietistic school4 ,you know1 too1 that one of their characteristic lines of thought lies in the abandonment of all effort save that of adhering to ,god1 and even that is to be a passive rather than an active effort4 ,the soul must lie still1 says one of them1 and be drawn as if by a rope up the ,mount of ,perfection4 ,the slightest movement will check or divert that swift and steady approach towards ,god4 8,but my friend not only studied writers of this school intellectually1 but he put himself more or less under their spiritual direction4 ,he told me afterwards that it seemed to him that if he used the ,sacraments faithfully1 and if he found that his devotion towards them did not cool1 he would be sufficiently protected against possible extravagances or heresies in his spiritual reading4 ,his daily meditation1 too1 he told me1 began to mean more to him than ever in his lifetime3 the presence of ,god seemed more real and accessible1 and1 above all1 the guidance of ,god in his daily life more apparent4 ,the time that really matters1 as he said to me once1 is the time between our religious exercises2 and in this time1 too1 ,god manifested ,himself4 ,in fact1 from all that he said to me1 ,i have very little doubt that his character and spiritual life were both deepened and purified1 at any rate at first1 by his devotional study of these mystics4 8,one word more before ,i begin the actual story4 8,i said just now that the guidance of ,god began to be more apparent in his daily life4 ,there are two main ways of settling questions that come up for decision1 and both ways are possible to a religious man4 ,one way is to lay stress on the intellectual side1 to weigh the arguments carefully1 and decide1 as it were1 by reasoning alone3 the other is to lay comparatively little stress on the arguments and the intellectual side generally1 and to make the main effort lie in the aspiration of the will towards ,god for guidance4 ,we may call them1 roughly1 the intellectual and the intuitive4 ,now of course my friend's mystical studies inclined him more and more towards the latter4 ,he told me1 in fact1 that in the most ordinary questions--in his visiting his people--in his preaching--in his dealings with souls--he began more and more to refuse intellectual light1 and to trust instead to the immediate interior guidance of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,more than once1 for example1 he laid aside the sermon he had prepared1 as he entered the pulpit1 and preached from a text that had seemed to be suggested to him4 ,of course it was not so good from the literary point of view2 but that1 as he very justly said1 is not the most important question in judging of a sermon4 ,he seemed to find1 he told me1 that his spiritual power in every way developed1 both in his interior life and in his dealings with others4 8,in his conversations1 too1 he would allow long silences to come1 if it did not seem to him that ,god moved him to speak2 at other times he would drop conventional modes of speech and say things that1 humanly judged1 were calculated to do the very opposite of what he personally desired4 ,sometimes in such a case his wish was attained1 and sometimes not2 but in both cases he forced himself to regard it as if he had succeeded4 ,in short1 he acted and spoke in obedience to this interior drawing1 and disregarded consequences entirely4 ,and this1 ,i need hardly say1 is one road to interior peace4 8,and then at last a startling thing happened4 8,there had been some crime committed3 ,i have not an idea what it was4 ,two men were involved in the consequences4 ,one1 whom we will call ,a41 had committed the crime3 but he could only be prosecuted if ,b41 whom he had seriously injured1 consented to take action4 ,now my friend was deeply interested in ,a41 and he thought he knew that the one chance of ,a4's salvation lay in his being allowed to go unpunished4 ,but ,lord ,b41 who1 by the way1 was an ,irish peer1 of no importance himself1 though his father had been well known1 was a hard1 vindictive man1 and had publicly announced his intention of ruining ,a4 ,in this state of affairs my friend was asked to intercede by ,a4 and his friends4 8,lord ,b4 lived in a large country-house some four or five miles from my friend's house4 ,he was an unmarried man1 but generally had his house fairly full of his friends1 who did not bear the best possible reputation4 8,my friend arrived at the house by appointment with ,b41 whom he did not personally know1 towards the close of a rainy autumn afternoon4 ,in spite of his anxiety he had resolved to be guided as usual by the interior monitor whom he had learnt to trust1 and he had hardly thought of a single argument which he could use4 ,yet he felt confident that he was right in coming1 and equally confident that he would know what to say when the time came4 ,as he got near the house this confident sense of guidance increased to an extent that almost terrified him4 ,it seemed to him1 as he walked under the dripping yellow branches1 that a strong1 almost physical1 oppression carried him forward4 ,as if in a dream he saw the manservant appear in answer to his ring1 and heard1 as from a great distance1 the man tell him that ,lord ,b4 had come in a little while before1 and was now expecting him in the smoking-room4 8,on entering the house these curious sensations1 which he hardly attempted to describe to me1 seemed to diminish a little1 and he felt cool and confident4 ,he told me that the sense of oppression resting on him was dispelled1 as if by a breeze1 as he passed along the corridor on the ground floor on his way to the smoking-room in the west wing of the house4 8,the servant threw open the door and announced him1 and my friend went through1 and the door closed behind him3 but the moment he had crossed the threshold he felt that something was wrong4 8,there was a circle of men1 some in shooting costume1 and some as if they had not been out all day1 sitting in easy chairs round the fire1 which was to the right of the door4 ,my friend could see most of their faces1 and ,lord ,b4's face among them1 as he paused at the door2 but not one offered to move1 though all looked curiously at him4 8,there was silence for a moment1 and then ,lord ,b4 said suddenly and loudly3 8#8,well1 here's the parson at last1 sermon and all4' 8,and then two or three of the men laughed4 8,my friend saw of course that ,lord ,b4 had arranged the interview in this way simply in order to insult him1 and that he would not be able to speak to him in private at all1 as he had hoped4 ,there was1 he told me1 just one great heave of anger in his heart at this offensive behaviour2 but he did his best to crush it down1 and still stood without speaking4 ,he had not1 he said1 an idea what to say or do1 so he stood and waited4 8,lord ,b4 got up in a moment and lit a cigarette with his back to my friend2 and then turned and faced him1 leaning against the mantelpiece4 8#8,well1' he said1 #8we're all waiting4' 8,still there was silence4 ,one of the men beyond the fire suddenly laughed4 8#8,now then1' said ,lord ,b4 impatiently1 #8for ,god's sake say what you came to say1 and go4' 8,as this sentence ended my friend felt a curious sensation run over him1 like those he had experienced in the park1 but far stronger4 ,he could never give me any description of it1 except by saying that it seemed as if a force were laying hold of him in every remote fibre of his bodily and spiritual being4 ,his own will seemed to give up the control into some stronger hand1 and he felt a sense of being steadied and quieted4 8,then he was aware that his own voice said a single sentence of some half-dozen words2 but though he heard each word1 it was instantly obliterated from his mind4 ,in his description of it all to me afterwards1 he said it was like words that we hear immediately before we fall asleep in a lecture-room or a railway carriage3 each word is ,english and intelligible1 but the sentence conveys no impression4 8,while his voice spoke for perhaps two or three seconds1 his eyes were fixed on ,lord ,b4's face1 and in that momentary interval he saw a terrible fear and astonishment suddenly stamped upon it4 ,the mouth opened in loose lines and the cigarette fell out1 and ,b4's hands rose instinctively as if to keep my friend off4 ,one of the men1 too1 at the further end of the circle suddenly sprang erect1 with the same kind of imploring horror on his face4 8,that was all that my friend had time to see2 for the same power that had laid hold of him turned him immediately to the door1 and he opened it and went out and down the corridor4 ,as he went the strange sensation passed1 but he felt the sweat prick to his skin and then pour down his face4 ,he heard1 too1 as he reached the end of the corridor1 a bell peal violently somewhere4 ,he passed out into the hall1 and even as he opened the front door a servant dashed past him through the hall and down the corridor1 up which he had just come4 8,he went straight home1 feeling terribly tired and overwrought1 and had to go to bed on reaching his house1 tortured by neuralgia4 8,two hours later a note was brought by a groom from ,lord ,b41 written in a shaking hand1 with an abject apology for his reception in the afternoon2 an entreaty to him not to mention the subject again which he had spoken of in the sitting-room1 with a scarcely veiled offer of a bribe1 and an emphatic promise to withdraw all proceedings against ,a4 8,on the following day he was told that ,lord ,b4 was supposed to be unwell1 and that the house-party had been hurriedly broken up the night before4 8,from that day to this he has never had an idea of what the sentence was that his voice spoke that worked such a miracle40 8,that is a most curious story10 ,i said4 8,what do you make of it80 ,the priest smiled4 8,i will tell you what my friend made of it4 ,he gave up his study of mysticism1 yet without in any sense condemning that line of thought of which ,i have spoken4 ,his reasons1 which he explained to me after coming to a decision1 were that such a visitation might or might not be from ,god4 ,if it were not from ,god1 then that proved that he had been meddling with high things1 and had somehow slipped under some other control4 ,if it were from ,god1 it might be that it was just for that very purpose that he had been brought so far1 but that he dared not pursue that path without some distinct further sign4 #8,in any case1' he said1 #8no soul can be lost by following the simple and well-beaten path of ordinary devotion and prayer4' ,and so he returned to intellectual forms of meditation1 such as most ,christians use4 ,he died a few years ago1 full of holiness and good works4 8,but for you there are several opinions open4 ,either that it was an intensely strong case of hypnotic thought-transference from ,lord ,b4 to my friend1 and that the latter only spoke mechanically of something that lay in the former's mind2 or you may decide that the whole affair was of the ,evil ,one1 and that ,a4 would have been all the better for prosecution1 and that an evil being somehow found entrance into the strained nature of my friend1 and used it for his own purposes2 or that the prophetic gift was bestowed on him1 but that the ordeal was too fierce and he too cowardly to claim it4 ,and there are other solutions as well1 no doubt possible4 8,for myself ,i think ,i have formed my opinion2 but ,i would prefer1 as ,herodotus says1 to keep it to myself40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,with ,dyed ,garments ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,jesu1 well ought ,i love ,thee1 ,for ,thou me shewest ,thy rood-tree1 ,thy crown of thorns1 and nails three1 ,the sharp spear that piercd ,thee40 ,swete ,jhesu now wil ,i ,synge4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,with ,dyed ,garments ,,when the second post came in one morning ,i saw a letter addressed to the priest1 in the trembling large characters of an old man's hand1 lying upon the slab in the hall4 ,when ,i came in to lunch ,i found the old clergyman with an open letter in his hand1 and his face full of almost childish happiness4 8,i have heard from my oldest friend10 he said1 making a little movement with the letter4 8,it is months since he has written4 ,i have known him ever since we were boys40 ,we sat down to lunch1 but he kept on referring to his friend1 and to the pleasure the letter gave him4 8,we are always planning to meet10 he said to me presently4 8,but we never can manage it4 ,we are both so old4 ,he is much more active than ,i am1 however4 ,he is full of good works1 while ,i1 as you know1 lead an idle life4 ,i could not take charge of a church4 ,it is all ,i can do now to serve my own little chapel upstairs40 8,where is he working80 ,i asked4 8,i think perhaps you fancy he is in ,holy ,orders1 but he is not4 ,he has been on the ,stock ,exchange till a few years ago1 and now he is living in the country1 getting ready to die1 as he tells me4 ,but he is full of good works2 his letter here has news about the village1 and of a man whose acquaintance he has made in the reading-room there1 which he himself built a year ago2 but he is full of plans too1 and asks my advice40 8,it is not often you come across a business man like that10 ,i said4 8,no1 he is wonderful1 but he has been like that for years4 ,he has done a great deal all his life among poor people in ,london4 ,for years he never missed his two or three nights a week in some club1 or on some committee1 or visiting sick people40 ,i began to think that it might have been through the friendship of the priest that this man had been such a worker4 ,but presently he began again4 8,perhaps the most wonderful thing was the way he first began to do such work4 ,let me see1 have ,i mentioned his name8 ,no8 ,then ,i can tell you1 otherwise it would not be discreet2 that is--0 he added1 8if you would care to hear40 ,i told him ,i should be very much interested4 8,then after lunch we will have coffee in the garden1 and ,i will tell you40 ,when we had sat down under the shade of a wall1 with the tall avenue of pines opposite us making a dark tangled frieze against the delicate sky1 he began4 8,what ,i am going to tell you now has been gathered partly from conversations with my friend3 and partly from letters he has written to me4 ,years ago ,i jotted down the order of events1 with names and dates1 but that1 of course1 ,i fear ,i cannot show even to you4 ,however1 ,i know the story well1 and you may rely on the main facts4 8,i must tell you first that many years ago now1 my friend1 who was about forty years old1 had lately become a partner in his father's firm3 and of course was greatly occupied with all the details of business4 ,it was a broker's firm1 well established and did a good steady business4 ,my friend at that time had no idea of doing any work outside his occupation4 ,i heard him say in fact1 about this time1 that his work seemed to absorb all his energies and capacity4 ,then the first event of the series took place4 8,he was coming home one frosty afternoon in ,december1 between three and four o'clock1 on the top of an omnibus4 ,he was sitting in front and looking about him4 ,he noticed a poorly-dressed man standing on the pavement on the right-hand side1 as if he wished to cross4 ,then he began to cross1 and came at last right up to the omnibus on which my friend was sitting1 and paused a moment to let it pass4 ,as he stood there1 my friend watching him with that listless interest with which a tired man will observe details1 a hansom cab moving quickly came in the opposite direction4 ,it seemed as if the horse would run the man down4 ,it was too sudden to warn him1 but the man saw it1 and to avoid the horse sprang quickly forward1 his head half turned away1 and his feet came between the front and back wheels of the omnibus4 ,there was a jolt and a terrible scream1 and my friend horrified leant far over the side to see4 ,when the omnibus had passed the man stood for a moment on his crushed feet1 and then swayed forward and fell on his face4 ,my friend started up and made a movement to go to him1 but several others had seen the accident and ran to the man1 and a policeman was crossing quickly from the other side1 so he sat down again and the omnibus carried him on4 8,now this horrible thing remained in my friend's mind1 haunted him1 shocked him profoundly4 ,he could not forget the terrible face of pain that he had seen upturned for an instant1 and his imagination carried him on in spite of himself to dwell on the details of those crushed feet4 ,he wrote me a long letter a week or two afterwards1 minutely describing all that ,i have told you4 8,the following summer he was going down to the ,kennington ,oval one ,saturday afternoon to see the close of some famous cricket match4 ,he travelled by the ,underground ,railway as far as ,westminster1 and from there determined to walk at least across the ,bridge4 ,he walked on the right-hand side1 and had reached the steps of ,st4 ,thomas' ,hospital4 ,he waited here a moment undecided whether to walk on or drive4 8,as he waited1 he half turned and saw a beggar sitting in the angle between the steps and the wall4 ,there was a white dog beside him4 ,the beggar's face was partly bandaged2 but what caught my friend's attention most were his two hands4 ,they were lying palms downwards on the beggar's knees1 bandaged like his face1 but in the centre of each was a dark spot1 showing through the wrapping1 as if there were a festering wound that soaked through from underneath4 ,my friend looked at him in disgust for a moment3 but terribly fascinated by those quiet suffering hands2 and then he passed on4 ,but during all that afternoon he could not forget those hands4 ,i daresay he was overwrought and nervous4 ,but his memory too went back to the accident by the ,marble ,arch4 ,that night too1 as he told me in a conversation afterwards1 as he tossed about1 his windows wide open to catch the night air1 half waking visions kept moving before him of a man with crushed feet and bandaged hands1 who moaned and lifted a drawn face to the sky4 8,early that autumn he was alone1 except for the servants1 in his father's house in ,london4 ,a maid was taken ill4 ,i forget the nature of the illness1 but perhaps you will be able to identify it when ,i have finished4 ,at any rate the girl grew quickly worse4 ,one morning just before he started to the ,city the doctor1 who had called early that morning1 asked to have a word with him1 and told him he thought he ought to operate immediately1 and asked for his sanction4 8#8,well1' said my friend1 #8of course ,i must speak to the girl about it4 ,have you told her yet8' 8#8,no1' said the doctor1 #8,i thought ,i should mention it to you first4 ,i understand that the girl has no relations in the world4' 8#8,can you tell me the nature of the operation8' asked my friend4 8#8,it is not really serious4 ,it is an incision in the right side1' and he added a few details explaining the case4 8#8,well1' said my friend1 #8we had better go upstairs together4' 8,they went up and found the girl perfectly conscious and reasonable4 ,she consented to the operation1 which was fixed for that evening4 8,but all that day the picture floated before his eyes of the quiet room at the top of the house1 and the girl lying there waiting4 ,and then the scene would shift a little4 ,and he would see the girl after it was over1 with a bandage against her side1 and the knowledge of the little wound beneath4 ,when he reached home1 late in the evening1 the doctor was waiting for him4 8#8,it has been perfectly successful1' he said1 #8and ,i think she will recover4' 8,now1 that evening1 as my friend sat at the dinner-table alone1 smoking and thinking1 his old experiences came to his mind again4 ,in less than a year he had seen three things1 none of which seemed to have any very close relation to him1 but each of which had deeply affected him4 ,he told me afterwards that he began to suspect a design underlying them2 but he had not a glimmer of light1 strange as it may seem to you and me1 as to the nature of that design4 ,within a month1 however1 ,i received a letter from him1 from some place in the country where he was staying1 describing the following incident4 8,he had gone down from a ,saturday to ,monday to a friend's house in ,surrey4 ,on the ,sunday afternoon he and his friend went for a walk through some woods4 ,autumn was in full glory1 and the trees were blazing in red and gold3 and the bramble branches were weighed down with purple fruit4 ,as they walked together along a grass ride they heard shouts and laughter of children in the woods on one side4 ,they could hear footsteps pattering through dry leaves1 and the tearing and trampling of brushwood2 and in a moment more a boy burst out of the thin hedge1 tripped in a bramble1 and rolled into the grass walk4 ,he was up again in a moment laughing and flushed1 but my friend saw across his forehead a little thin red dotted line where a thorn had scratched him4 ,as the boy laughed up into their faces1 he lifted his hand to his forehead4 8#8,why it's wet1' he said1 and then1 looking at his fingers3 #8,why1 it's blood6 ,i've scratched myself4' 8,other footsteps came running through the undergrowth1 and the boy himself ran off down the road1 and the footsteps in the wood stopped1 retraced themselves and died away in faint rustlings up the hill4 ,but as my friend had looked he had seen in his memory those other experiences of the last year4 ,and all seemed to concentrate themselves on one ,figure--with wounded feet and hands and side--and a torn forehead4 #8,my friend stood quiet so long that his companion spoke to him and touched his arm4 8#8,yes1 ,i am ready1' he said2 #8let us go home4' 8,the end of the letter ,i cannot quote to you4 ,it is too intimate and personal4 ,but it ended with a request to myself to give him an introduction to some friend who would give him work to do in some poor district4 ,and work of that kind he has carried on ever since40 ,the old priest's voice ceased4 8,there is one thing my friend did not know10 he said after a moment4 8,when that particular operation on the side is performed1 of which ,i have spoken1 there comes out blood and water4 ,a doctor will tell you so40 ,and then3 8,that is my friend's story10 he said1 8,do you not think it remarkable80 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,unto ,babes ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,saint ,bernard speaks of the words of ,job that he says3 #8,abscondit lucem in manibus' 7that is to say1 #8,god has light hid in ,his hands'7--#8,thou wot well1 he that has a candle a-light between his hands1 he may hide it and shew it at his own will4 ,so does our ,lord to ,his chosen4'0 ,the ,abbey of the ,holy ,ghost4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,unto ,babes ,a ,,few days after the conversation ,i have described my visit to the old man came to an end1 and my work drew me back to ,london2 but ,i left behind me a promise to return and spend ,christmas at his house4 ,he in the meantime would1 he promised me1 try to put together some other stories for me against the time that ,i should return4 ,there were many others1 he said1 that he had come across in his life which he hoped would interest me1 besides a few more personal experiences of his own4 ,and so ,i left him smiling and waving to me from his bedroom window that overlooked the drive 7for ,i had to go by an early train71 with the clean-shaven face of his old servant looking at me discreetly and gravely from the clear-glass chapel window next to the priest's room1 where he had been setting things ready before his master was dressed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it was a dark winter afternoon when ,i returned1 a week or so before ,christmas4 ,the coachman told me on my inquiry that his master seemed very much aged during the autumn and winter1 that he had scarcely left the house since the leaves had fallen1 except to sit for an hour or two in sunshiny weather in the sheltered angle of the wall where was the tiled platform that ,i have spoken of2 and that he was afraid he had been suffering from depression4 ,there had been days of almost complete silence1 at least so ,parker had told him1 when the master had sat all day turning over letters and books and old drawers4 ,i reproached myself with having troubled the old man with demands for more stories2 and feared that it had been in the attempt to please me that he had fallen brooding over the past1 perhaps dwelling too much on sorrows of which ,i knew nothing4 ,as we passed under the pines that tossed their sombre plumes in the wind1 the sun1 breaking through clouds in an angry glory on my right1 blazed on the little square-paned windows of the house on my left4 ,the chapel-window on the top story seemed especially full of red light streaming from within1 but the flame swept across the upper story as we drove past1 and left the windows blank and colourless just before we turned the corner at the back of the house4 ,the old man met me in the hall1 and ,i was startled to see the change that had come to him4 ,his eyes seemed larger than ever1 and there was a sorrow in them that ,i had not seen before4 ,they had been the eyes of a stainless child1 wide and smiling2 now they were the eyes of one who was under some burden almost too heavy to be borne4 ,in the stronger light of the sitting-room as the candles shone on his face1 ,i saw that my impression had only been caused by a drooping of the eyelids1 that now hung down a little further4 ,but it looked a tired face4 ,he welcomed me1 and said several charming things to me that ,i should be ashamed to quote1 but he made me feel that he was glad that ,i had come2 and so ,i was glad too4 ,but he said among other things this3 8,i am glad you have come now1 because ,i think ,i shall have something further to tell you4 ,i have had indications during this autumn that the end is coming1 and ,i think that if ,i have to pass through a dark valley1--and ,i feel that ,i am at its entrance even now1--,i think that ,he will give me ,his staff as well as ,his rod4 ,but ,i am an old man and full of fancies1 so please do not question me4 ,but ,i am very glad10 and he took my hand and stroked it for a moment1 8very glad that you are here1 because ,i do not think that you will be afraid40 ,during the following days he told me many stories1 bringing out the old books and letters of which the coachman had spoken1 and spelling out notes through his tortoiseshell glass1 as he sat by the open fireplace in the central sitting-room1 with the logs crackling and overrun with swift sparks as they rested on their bed of ashes4 ,the door into the garden where the old drive had once been was now kept closed1 and a heavy curtain hung over it4 ,we did not go out very much together--only in the early afternoons we would walk for an hour or so1 he leaning on my arm and on a stick1 up and down the terraced walk that lay next the drive under the pines1 as the sunset burned across the hills like a far-away judgment4 ,some day perhaps ,i will write out some of the stories that he told me1 although not all4 ,i have the notes by me4 ,here is one of them4 ,we were walking on one of these dark winter afternoons very slowly uphill towards the village that the priest might get a change from the garden4 ,the morning had been gusty and wet1 with sleet showers and even a sprinkle of pure snow as the sky cleared after lunch-time2 and now the weather was settling down for a frost1 and the snow lay thinly here and there on the rapidly hardening ground4 8,it is remarkable10 the old man was saying to me1 8how in spite of our ,lord's words people still think that faith is a matter more or less of intellect4 ,such a phrase as #8intelligent faith' is1 of course1 strictly most incorrect40 ,he stopped and looked at me as he said this1 as if prepared for dispute4 ,i did not disappoint him4 8,you are very puzzling20 ,i said4 8,i cannot believe that you do not value intellect4 ,surely it is a gift of ,god1 and therefore may adorn faith1 as any other gift may do40 8,yes10 he said1 walking on1 8it may adorn it2 but it has nothing more to do with it really than jewels have to do with a beautiful woman4 ,in fact1 sometimes faith is far more beautiful unadorned1 and it is quite possible to crush a delicate and growing faith with a weight of learned arguments intended to adorn and perfect it4 ,christian apologetics1 it seems to me1 are only really useful in the mouth of one who realises their entire inadequacy4 ,you can demonstrate nothing of ,god4 ,you can1 by arguments1 draw a number of lines that converge towards ,god1 and render ,his existence and ,his attributes probable2 but you cannot reach ,him along those lines4 ,faith depends not on intellectual but on moral conditions4 #8,blessed are the pure in heart1' said our ,saviour1 not #8,blessed are the profound or acute of intellect'--#8for they shall see ,god4' ,it is certainly true of intellectual as of all other riches that they who possess them shall find difficulty in entering into the kingdom of ,god40 8,and so10 ,i said1 8you think that intellectual powers are not things to covet1 and that education is not a very important question after all80 8,no more than wealth10 he answered1 8at least so far as you mean by education instruction in demonstrable facts or exact sciences4 ,the point of our existence here is to know ,god4 ,well1 you know for yourself how the race for wealth is ruining millions of souls to-day4 ,no less surely is keen intellectual competition ruining souls4 ,mr4 ----1 for instance10 he said1 naming a well-known critic and poet2 8was there ever a man of keener and finer intellect1 or of more unerring instinct in matters of literary taste8 ,well1 once ,i talked with that man most of a day on all his own subjects2 in fact1 he did nearly all the talking1 and ,i was astonished1 ,i must confess1 at the perfection of the training of his already brilliant powers4 ,so much ,i could perceive1 though of course ,i could not follow him4 ,and of course there were many delicate shades of beauty1 if not much more1 invisible to me in his talk and criticism4 ,his scale of intellectual beauty ran up out of my sight altogether4 ,but what astonished me more was the coarseness and dulness of his spiritual instinct4 ,i will not call him a child in matters of faith1 because that would be high praise2 but he was just an ill-bred boor4 ,i have known many a ,sussex villager of far purer and finer spiritual fibre4 ,no1 no2 faith can and does exist quite apart from intellect2 and to increase or develop the one often means the decrease and incoherence of the other4 ,seigneur1 donnez-moi la foi du charbonnier60 ,i must confess that this was a new point of view for me2 and ,i am not sure now whether ,i do not still think it exaggerated and dangerous2 but ,i said nothing1 because it did seem to open up difficult questions1 and also to throw light on other difficult questions4 ,the priest turned to me again as he walked4 8,why1 it must be so10 he said2 8if it were not1 clever people would have a better hope of salvation than stupid people2 and that is absurd--as absurd as if rich people should be nearer ,god than poor people4 ,no1 no2 talents are distributed unevenly1 it is true3 to one ten and to another five2 but each has one pound1 all alike40 ,we had reached the top of the slope1 and the towering hedges had gradually fallen away1 so that we could now see far and wide over the country4 ,away behind us1 as we paused for breath1 we could see the misty ,brighton downs1 while in the middle distance lay tumbled wooded hills1 with smoke beginning to curl up here and there from the evening fires of hidden villages4 ,the sky was clear overhead1 but in the west1 where the sunset was beginning to smoulder1 a few heavy clouds still lingered4 8,and ,god sees all30 said the priest4 8,can you put up with another story as we walk home again8 ,i think ,i ought to be turning now40 ,we turned and began to retrace our steps downhill4 8,this is not an experience of my own10 he said4 8,it was told me by a friend of mine in ,cornwall4 ,he was the squire of a little village a few miles out of ,truro1 and lived there most of the year except a few weeks in the spring1 when he would go abroad4 ,he was a man of great learning and taste1 but had the faith of a little child4 ,it was like a spring of clear water to hear him speak of ,god and heavenly things4 8,there was a boy in the village who was an idiot4 ,his parents were dead1 and he lived alone with his old grandmother1 who was a strict ,calvinist1 and who regarded her grandson as hopelessly damned because his faith and his expression of it were not as hers4 ,there were evident signs1 she said1 that ,god's inscrutable decrees were against him4 ,the local preachers there would have nothing to do with the boy2 and the clergyman of the parish1 after an attempt or two1 had given the child up as hopeless4 ,i think my friend told me that the clergyman had tried to teach him ,old ,testament history4 8,well1 the boy was a terrible and disgusting case4 ,i will not go into details beyond saying that the boy's head had the look of a mule about it2 his mother1 ,i think1 had had a fright shortly before his birth1 and the boy used to think sometimes that he was a horse or mule1 and the village children used to encourage him in it1 and ride and drive him on the green1 for he was quite harmless4 ,and so he grew up1 neglected and untaught1 spending much of his time out of doors1 and creeping home on all fours in the evening1 snorting and stamping and neighing when he was much excited2 and he would stable himself in a corner of the wide dark kitchen1 and munch grass2 while his grandmother sat in her high chair by the fire reading in her ,bible1 or looking over her spectacles at the poor misshapen body in the corner that held a damned soul4 8,now my friend hated to see this child4 ,it was the one thing that troubled his faith4 ,those who have the faith of children have also the troubles of children2 and this living example before his eyes of what looked like the carelessness of ,god1 or worse1 was a greater offence to my friend's faith than all infidel arguments1 or the mere knowledge that such things happened4 8,on a certain ,christmas ,eve my friend had been a long tramp over the hills with a guest who was staying with him for the shooting4 ,they were returning through his own property towards evening1 and were just dropping down from the hill4 ,their path lay along the upper edge of an old disused stone-quarry1 whose entrance lay perhaps a hundred yards away from the valley-road that led into the village--so it was a lonely and unfrequented place4 ,the evening was closing in2 and my friend1 as he led the way along the path1 was trying to make out the outlines of stones and bushes on the floor of the quarry1 which lay perhaps seventy feet below them4 ,all at once his eye was caught by the steady glimmer of light somewhere in the dimness beneath1 and the sound of a voice4 ,he guessed at once that there were tramps below1 and was angry at the thought that they must have wilfully disregarded the notice he had put up about making a fire so close to the wood3 and he determined to turn them out1 and1 if need be1 to give them shelter for the night in one of his own outhouses4 ,so he stopped and explained to his friend which path would take him home1 while that he himself intended to make his way along the lip of the quarry to the entrance1 and then to go on into its interior where the tramps had made their camp2 and he promised to be at the house five minutes after his friend4 8,so they separated1 and he himself soon found his way down a narrow overgrown path that brought him to the opening of the quarry4 8,it was a good deal darker here1 as the hill shadowed it from the west1 and high trees rose on one side2 but he was able to stumble along the stony path which led to the interior1 though it grew darker still as he went4 ,presently he turned the corner of a tall boulder1 and emerged into the kind of semi-circus that formed the heart of the quarry3 before him1 about a third way up the slope1 burned the glimmer of light he had noticed from above1 but even as he saw it it went out3 my friend stood in the path and called out1 explaining who he was1 not threatening at all1 but offering1 if it was any one who wanted shelter1 to provide it for the night4 ,there was no answer1 only the sound of scuffling in the dimness in front1 and then the confused sound of footsteps scrambling3 my friend ran forward1 calling1 and made out presently an oddly shaped thing scrambling over the silt and stone towards a shoulder of rock that stood out against the sky on his left 7,i think he said74 ,he tried to follow1 but it was too dark1 and after he had stumbled once or twice1 he gave up the pursuit4 ,in a moment more the climbing figure stood out clear against the sky for an instant1 and then disappeared3 and the squire saw with a shock of disgust the mule-like head and tangled hair rising from the high shoulders of the village idiot1 and his hands dangling on each side of him2 and he heard a high-screaming neighing4 ,but at least1 he thought to himself1 he would go and see what the boy had been doing4 8,he made his way up the slope of silted gravel and mud that lay against the face of the rock1 and at last reached a little platform apparently stamped and cut out at the top of the skree just where it touched the quarry-side4 ,it was too dark for him to distinguish anything clearly1 so he struck a match and held it in the still sheltered air while he looked about him4 ,this is what he saw4 8,there was a short halter1 with a kind of rude head-stall1 fastened to a rusty iron staple driven into the rock4 ,there was a little pile of cut grass below it4 ,there was a kind of mud trough constructed against the stone1 with a little straw sprinkled in it and holly berries and leaves in front of it2 but this showed signs of having been hastily trampled down1 though parts of it survived3 there were marks of hob-nailed boots in it here and there4 ,so much my friend had noticed when the match burned his fingers3 but just before he dropped it he noticed something else which made him open his box and light another match3 and then he saw the end of a farthing taper sticking out of the ground into which it had been pushed1 and another crushed into a ball4 ,he drew out the first and lighted it1 and then noticed this last thing4 ,quite plainly marked on the soft edge of the mud-trough1 in a place which the hob-nailed boots had not touched1 was the mark of a tiny child's naked foot1 as if a baby had stood in the trough or manger1 with one foot on the floor and another on the edge4 8,now ,i do not know what you think of this1 but ,i know what my friend thought of it1 and what ,i myself think of it4 ,but before he went home he went first to the cottage where the boy lived and found him as usual tethered in the corner1 with his grandmother nodding before the fire4 ,the boy would do nothing but snort and stamp3 and the grandmother could only say that ten minutes ago the boy had run in and gone straight to his corner as usual4 ,the squire asked whether the boy had been trusted with a child by any one2 but the grandmother said it was impossible4 ,nor indeed did he ever after hear a word of a child having been missed on that afternoon4 8,then1 before he went home1 he went to the little church1 already decorated for the festival1 and there with the fragrance of the holly and yew in the air about him1 and the glimmer of a candle near the altar where the church-cleaner was sweeping1 he praised the ,holy ,child whose ,birth-night it was1 and who had not disdained to lie in a manger and be adored by the beasts of the stall4 8,the following morning on his way back from church he went to the quarry again with his friend to show him what he had seen2 but the manger and the holly-berries and crumpled taper were all gone1 and there was nothing to see but the iron staple and the platform beaten hard and flat40 ,we had reached the avenue of pines by now that led to the house1 and turned in by the little garden-gate4 8,the story seems to show10 the priest added1 8that intellect has not much to do with the knowledge of ,god2 and that the things which ,he hides from the wise and prudent ,he reveals to babes40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,traveller ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,i am amazed1 not that the ,traveller returns from that ,bourne1 but that he returns so seldom40 ,the ,pilgrims' ,way4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,traveller ,,on one of these evenings as we sat together after dinner in front of the wide open fireplace in the central room of the house1 we began to talk on that old subject--the relation of ,science to ,faith4 8,it is no wonder10 said the priest1 8if their conclusions appear to differ1 to shallow minds who think that the last words are being said on both sides2 because their standpoints are so different4 ,the scientific view is that you are not justified in committing yourself one inch ahead of your intellectual evidence3 the religious view is that in order to find out anything worth knowing your faith must always be a little in advance of your evidence2 you must advance en chelon4 ,there is the principle of our ,lord's promises4 #8,act as if it were true1 and light will be given4' ,the scientist on the other hand says1 #8,do not presume to commit yourself until light is given4' ,the difference between the methods lies1 of course1 in the fact that ,religion admits the heart and the whole man to the witness-box1 while ,science only admits the head--scarcely even the senses4 ,yet surely the evidence of experience is on the side of ,religion4 ,every really great achievement is inspired by motives of the heart1 and not of the head2 by feeling and passion1 not by a calculation of probabilities4 ,and so are the mysteries of ,god unveiled by those who carry them first by assault2 #8,the ,kingdom of ,heaven suffereth violence2 and the violent take it by force4' 8,for example10 he continued after a moment1 8the scientific view of haunted houses is that there is no evidence for them beyond that which may be accounted for by telepathy1 a kind of thought-reading4 ,yet if you can penetrate that veneer of scientific thought that is so common now1 you find that by far the larger part of mankind still believes in them4 ,practically not one of us really accepts the scientific view as an adequate one40 8,have you ever had an experience of that kind yourself80 ,i asked4 8,well10 said the priest1 smiling1 8you are sure you will not laugh at it8 ,there is nothing commoner than to think such things a subject for humour2 and that ,i cannot bear4 ,each such story is sacred to one person at the very least1 and therefore should be to all reverent people40 ,i assured him that ,i would not treat his story with disrespect4 8,well10 he answered1 8,i do not think you will1 and ,i will tell you4 ,it only happened a very few years ago4 ,this was how it began3 8,a friend of mine was1 and is still1 in charge of a church in ,kent1 which ,i will not name2 but it is within twenty miles of ,canterbury4 ,the district fell into ,catholic hands a good many years ago4 ,i received a telegram1 in this house1 a day or two before ,christmas1 from my friend1 saying that he had been suddenly seized with a very bad attack of influenza1 which was devastating ,kent at that time2 and asking me to come down1 if possible at once1 and take his place over ,christmas4 ,i had only lately given up active work1 owing to growing infirmity1 but it was impossible to resist this appeal2 so ,parker packed my things and we went together by the next train4 8,i found my friend really ill1 and quite incapable of doing anything2 so ,i assured him that ,i could manage perfectly1 and that he need not be anxious4 8,on the next day1 a ,wednesday1 and ,christmas ,eve1 ,i went down to the little church to hear confessions4 ,it was a beautiful old church1 though tiny1 and full of interesting things3 the old altar had been set up again2 there was a rood-loft with a staircase leading on to it2 and an awmbry on the north of the sanctuary had been fitted up as a receptacle for the ,most ,holy ,sacrament1 instead of the old hanging pyx4 ,one of the most interesting discoveries made in the church was that of the old confessional4 ,in the lower half of the rood-screen1 on the south side1 a square hole had been found1 filled up with an insertion of oak2 but an antiquarian of the ,alcuin ,club1 whom my friend had asked to examine the church1 declared that this without doubt was the place where in the pre-,reformation times confessions were heard4 ,so it had been restored1 and put to its ancient use2 and now on this ,christmas ,eve ,i sat within the chancel in the dim fragrant light1 while penitents came and knelt outside the screen on the single step1 and made their confessions through the old opening4 8,i know this is a great platitude1 but ,i never can look at a piece of old furniture without a curious thrill at a thing that has been so much saturated with human emotion2 but1 above all that ,i have ever seen1 ,i think that this old confessional moved me4 ,through that little opening had come so many thousands of sins1 great and little1 weighted with sorrow2 and back again1 in ,divine exchange for those burdens1 had returned the balm of the ,saviour's blood4 #8,behold6 a door opened in heaven1' through which that strange commerce of sin and grace may be carried on--grace pressed down and running over1 given into the bosom in exchange for sin6 ,o bonum commercium60 ,the priest was silent for a moment1 his eyes glowing4 ,then he went on4 8,well1 ,christmas ,day and the three following festivals passed away very happily4 ,on the ,sunday night after service1 as ,i came out of the vestry1 ,i saw a child waiting4 ,she told me1 when ,i asked her if she wanted me1 that her father and others of her family wished to make their confessions on the following evening about six o'clock4 ,they had had influenza in the house1 and had not been able to come out before2 but the father was going to work next day1 as he was so much better1 and would come1 if it pleased me1 and some of his children to make their confessions in the evening and their communions the following morning4 8,monday dawned1 and ,i offered the ,holy ,sacrifice as usual1 and spent the morning chiefly with my friend1 who was now able to sit up and talk a good deal1 though he was not yet allowed to leave his bed4 8,in the afternoon ,i went for a walk4 8,all the morning there had rested a depression on my soul such as ,i have not often felt2 it was of a peculiar quality4 ,every soul that tries1 however poorly1 to serve ,god1 knows by experience those heavinesses by which our ,lord tests and confirms ,his own3 but it was not like that4 ,an element of terror mingled with it1 as of impending evil4 8,as ,i started for my walk along the high road this depression deepened4 ,there seemed no physical reason for it that ,i could perceive4 ,i was well myself1 and the weather was fair2 yet air and exercise did not affect it4 ,i turned at last1 about half-past three o'clock1 at a milestone that marked sixteen miles to ,canterbury4 8,i rested there for a moment1 looking to the south-east1 and saw that far on the horizon heavy clouds were gathering2 and then ,i started homewards4 ,as ,i went ,i heard a far-away boom1 as of distant guns1 and ,i thought at first that there was some sea-fort to the south where artillery practice was being held2 but presently ,i noticed that it was too irregular and prolonged for the report of a gun2 and then it was with a sense of relief that ,i came to the conclusion it was a far-away thunderstorm1 for ,i felt that the state of the atmosphere might explain away this depression that so troubled me4 ,the thunder seemed to come nearer1 pealed more loudly three or four times and ceased4 8,but ,i felt no relief4 ,when ,i reached home a little after four ,parker brought me in some tea1 and ,i fell asleep afterwards in a chair before the fire4 ,i was wakened after a troubled and unhappy dream by ,parker bringing in my coat and telling me it was time to keep my appointment at the church4 ,i could not remember what my dream was1 but it was sinister and suggestive of evil1 and1 with the shreds of it still clinging to me1 ,i looked at ,parker with something of fear as he stood silently by my chair holding the coat4 8,the church stood only a few steps away1 for the garden and churchyard adjoined one another4 ,as ,i went down carrying the lantern that ,parker had lighted for me1 ,i remember hearing far away to the south1 beyond the village1 the beat of a horse's hoofs4 ,the horse seemed to be in a gallop1 but presently the noise died away behind a ridge4 8,when ,i entered the church ,i found that the sacristan had lighted a candle or two as ,i had asked him1 and ,i could just make out the kneeling figures of three or four people in the north aisle4 8,when ,i was ready ,i took my seat in the chair set beyond the screen1 at the place ,i have described2 and then1 one by one1 the labourer and his children came up and made their confessions4 ,i remember feeling again1 as on ,christmas ,eve1 the strange charm of this old place of penitence1 so redolent of ,god and man1 each in his tenderest character of ,saviour and penitent2 with the red light burning like a luminous flower in the dark before me1 to remind me how ,god was indeed tabernacling with men1 and was their ,god4 8,now ,i do not know how long ,i had been there1 when again ,i heard the beat of a horse's hoofs1 but this time in the village just below the churchyard2 then again there fell a sudden silence4 ,then presently a gust of wind flung the door wide1 and the candles began to gutter and flare in the draught4 ,one of the girls went and closed the door4 8,presently the boy who was kneeling by me at that time finished his confession1 received absolution and went down the church1 and ,i waited for the next1 not knowing how many there were4 8,after waiting a minute or two ,i turned in my seat1 and was about to get up1 thinking there was no one else1 when a voice whispered sharply through the hole a single sentence4 ,i could not catch the words1 but ,i supposed they were the usual formula for asking a blessing1 so ,i gave the blessing and waited1 a little astonished at not having heard the penitent come up4 8,then the voice began again40 ,the priest stopped a moment and looked round1 and ,i could see that he was trembling a little4 8,would you rather not go on80 ,i said4 8,i think it disturbs you to tell me40 8,no1 no10 he said2 8it is all right1 but it was very dreadful--very dreadful40 8,well1 the voice began again in a loud quick whisper1 but the odd thing was that ,i could hardly understand a word2 there were just phrases here and there1 like the name of ,god and of our ,lady1 that ,i could catch4 ,then there were a few old ,french words that ,i knew2 #8le roy' came over and over again4 ,just at first ,i thought it must be some extreme form of dialect unknown to me2 then ,i thought it must be a very old man who was deaf1 because when ,i tried1 after a few sentences1 to explain that ,i could not understand1 the penitent paid no attention1 but whispered on quickly without a pause4 ,presently ,i could perceive that he was in a terrible state of mind2 the voice broke and sobbed1 and then almost cried out1 but still in this loud whisper2 then on the other side of the screen ,i could hear fingers working and moving uneasily1 as if entreating admittance at some barred door4 ,then at last there was silence for a moment1 and then plainly some closing formula was repeated1 which gradually grew lower and ceased4 ,then1 as ,i rose1 meaning to come round and explain that ,i had not been able to hear1 a loud moan or two came from the penitent4 ,i stood up quickly and looked through the upper part of the screen1 and there was no one there4 8,i can give you no idea of what a shock that was to me4 ,i stood there glaring1 ,i suppose1 through the screen down at the empty step for a moment or two1 and perhaps ,i said something aloud1 for ,i heard a voice from the end of the church4 8#8,did you call1 sir8'0 ,and there stood the sacristan1 with his keys and lantern1 ready to lock up4 8,i still stood without answering for a moment1 and then ,i spoke2 my voice sounded oddly in my ears4 8#8,is there any one else1 ,williams8 ,are they all gone8' or something like that4 8,williams lifted his lantern and looked round the dusky church4 8#8,no1 sir2 there is no one4' 8,i crossed the chancel to go to the vestry1 but as ,i was half-way1 suddenly again in the quiet village there broke out the desperate gallop of a horse4 8#8,there6 there6' ,i cried1 #8do you hear that8' 8,williams came up the church towards me4 8#8,are you ill1 sir8' he said4 #8,shall ,i fetch your servant8' 8,i made an effort and told him it was nothing2 but he insisted on seeing me home3 ,i did not like to ask him whether he had heard the gallop of the horse2 for1 after all1 ,i thought1 perhaps there was no connection between that and the voice that whispered4 8,i felt very much shaken and disturbed2 and after dinner1 which ,i took alone of course1 ,i thought ,i would go to bed very soon4 ,on my way up1 however1 ,i looked into my friend's room for a few minutes4 ,he seemed very bright and eager to talk1 and ,i stayed very much longer than ,i had intended4 ,i said nothing of what had happened in the church2 but listened to him while he talked about the village and the neighbourhood4 ,finally1 as ,i was on the point of bidding him good-night1 he said something like this3 8#8,well1 ,i mustn't keep you1 but ,i've been thinking while you've been in church of an old story that is told by antiquarians about this place4 ,they say that one of ,st4 ,thomas ,becket's murderers came here on the very evening of the murder4 ,it is his day1 to-day1 you know1 and that is what put me in mind of it1 ,i suppose40 8,while my friend said this1 my old heart began to beat furiously2 but1 with a strong effort of self-control1 ,i told him ,i should like to hear the story4 8#8,oh6 there's nothing much to tell1' said my friend2 #8and they don't know who it's supposed to have been2 but it is said to have been either one of the four knights1 or one of the men-at-arms4' 8#8,but how did he come here8' ,i asked1 #8and what for8' 8#8,oh6 he's supposed to have been in terror for his soul1 and that he rushed here to get absolution1 which1 of course1 was impossible4' 8#8,but tell me1' ,i said4 #8,did he come here alone1 or how8' 8#8,well1 you know1 after the murder they ransacked the ,archbishop's house and stables3 and it is said that this man got one of the fastest horses and rode like a madman1 not knowing where he was going2 and that he dashed into the village1 and into the church where the priest was3 and then afterwards1 mounted again and rode off4 ,the priest1 too1 is buried in the chancel1 somewhere1 ,i believe4 ,you see it's a very vague and improbable story4 ,at the ,gatehouse at ,malling1 too1 you know1 they say that one of the knights slept there the night after the murder4' 8,i said nothing more2 but ,i suppose ,i looked strange1 because my friend began to look at me with some anxiety1 and then ordered me off to bed3 so ,i took my candle and went4 8,now10 said the priest1 turning to me1 8that is the story4 ,i need not say that ,i have thought about it a great deal ever since3 and there are only two theories which appear to me credible1 and two others1 which would no doubt be suggested1 which appear to me incredible4 8,first1 you may say that ,i was obviously unwell3 my previous depression and dreaming showed that1 and therefore that ,i dreamt the whole thing4 ,if you wish to think that--well1 you must think it4 8,secondly1 you may say1 with the ,psychical ,research ,society1 that the whole thing was transmitted from my friend's brain to mine2 that his was in an energetic1 and mine in a passive state1 or something of the kind4 8,these two theories would be called #8scientific1' which term means that they are not a hair's-breadth in advance of the facts with which the intellect1 a poor instrument at the best1 is capable of dealing4 ,and these two #8scientific' theories create in their turn a new brood of insoluble difficulties4 8,or you may take your stand upon the spiritual world1 and use the faculties which ,god has given you for dealing with it1 and then you will no longer be helplessly puzzled1 and your intellect will no longer overstrain itself at a task for which it was never made4 ,and you may say1 ,i think1 that you prefer one of two theories4 8,first1 that human emotion has a power of influencing or saturating inanimate nature4 ,of course this is only the old familiar sacramental principle of all creation4 ,the expressions of your face1 for instance1 caused by the shifting of the chemical particles of which it is composed1 vary with your varying emotions4 ,thus we might say that the violent passions of hatred1 anger1 terror1 remorse1 of this poor murderer1 seven hundred years ago1 combined to make a potent spiritual fluid that bit so deep into the very place where it was all poured out1 that under certain circumstances it is reproduced4 ,a phonograph1 for example1 is a very coarse parallel1 in which the vibrations of sound translate themselves first into terms of wax1 and then re-emerge again as vibrations when certain conditions are fulfilled4 8,or1 secondly1 you may be old-fashioned and simple1 and say that by some law1 vast and inexorable1 beyond our perception1 the personal spirit of the very man is chained to the place1 and forced to expiate his sin again and again1 year by year1 by attempting to express his grief and to seek forgiveness1 without the possibility of receiving it4 ,of course we do not know who he was2 whether one of the knights who afterwards did receive absolution1 which possibly was not ratified by ,god2 or one of the men-at-arms who assisted1 and who1 as an anonymous chronicle says1 #8sine confessione et viatico subito rapti sunt4' 8,there is nothing materialistic1 ,i think1 in believing that spiritual beings may be bound to express themselves within limits of time and space2 and that inanimate nature1 as well as animate1 may be the vehicles of the unseen4 ,arguments against such possibilities have surely1 once for all1 been silenced1 for ,christians at any rate1 by the ,incarnation and the ,sacramental system1 of which the whole principle is that the ,infinite and ,eternal did once1 and does still1 express ,itself under forms of inanimate nature1 in terms of time and space4 8,with regard to another point1 perhaps ,i need not remind you that a thunderstorm broke over ,canterbury on the day and hour of the actual murder of the ,archbishop40 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,sorrows of the ,world ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8444 quell' ombre orando1 andavan sotto il pondo simile a quel che talvolta si sogna1 disparmente angosciate tutte a tondo e lasse su per la prima cornice1 purgando le caligine del mondo40 ,il ,purgatorio4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,sorrows of the ,world ,,as the days went on ,i became more reassured about my friend4 ,parker told me there was an improvement since ,i had come3 and the shadow in his eyes seemed a little lightened4 ,on ,christmas ,eve the ,rector called1 and they were shut up together in the chapel for an hour after tea2 and the old man1 ,i suppose1 made his confession4 ,he seemed brighter than ever that evening1 and told me story after story after dinner1 old tales of when he was a child4 ,on ,christmas morning he celebrated the ,holy ,mysteries as usual in the chapel1 and ,i received the ,communion at his hands4 ,we went to church in the brougham1 and that was the last time the old priest was seen in public4 ,there was intense curiosity about him in the village1 as well as the greatest reverence and love for him1 and ,i noticed a ripple of interest along the benches as we passed up to the ,hall pew4 ,on the evening of ,christmas ,day he had provided a ,christmas tree in the servants' hall2 but we only looked in for a moment when the shouting was at its loudest1 and he nodded at a child or two who caught sight of him1 and ,i saw his whole face kindle with joy and tenderness1 and then we went back to the fire in the sitting-room4 ,the morning of ,st4 ,john's ,day broke dark and heavy4 ,we had to have candles at breakfast1 and the old man seemed curiously changed and depressed again4 ,he hardly spoke at all1 and looked at me almost resentfully1 like an overwrought child1 when ,i failed to blow out the spirit lamp at the first attempt4 ,all day long the gloom outside seemed to gather1 the sun went down in a pale sky barred with indigo1 and the wind began to rise4 ,the old man1 after a word or two1 went to his room soon after dinner1 and ,i understood from ,parker1 who presently came in1 that the master was exceedingly sorry for his discourtesy1 but that he did not feel equal to conversation1 and intended to go to bed early1 and that he would be obliged if ,i could manage to amuse myself alone that evening4 ,but ,i too went upstairs early1 feeling a little uneasy4 ,on the top landing of the north end of the house there are three doors3 the central one is the chapel door2 that on the right1 approached by two little steep steps of its own1 was the priest's room2 that on the left opposite was my own room4 ,as ,i went in1 ,i noticed that a light shone from under the chapel door1 and that his own door was wide open1 showing the flickering light of the fire within4 ,as ,i paused ,i saw ,parker pass across the doorway1 and called to him in a low voice4 8,yes1 sir2 he's fairly well1 ,i think10 he answered to my inquiry4 8,he is in the chapel just now1 and is coming to bed directly4 ,he told me just now1 sir1 too1 to ask whether you would serve him to-morrow morning40 8,certainly10 ,i said2 8but are you sure he ought to get up8 ,he has not been well all day40 8,well1 sir10 said ,parker2 8,i will do my best to persuade him to stay in bed1 and will let you know if ,i succeed1 but ,i doubt whether the master will be persuaded40 ,as ,i crossed outside the chapel door to go to my own room ,i heard a murmur from within1 with a word or two which ,i cannot write down4 ,before ,i was in bed ,i heard the chapel door open1 and footsteps go up the little steps opposite1 and the door close4 ,presently it opened again2 and then a tap at my door4 8,it's only me1 sir10 said ,parker's voice4 8,may ,i speak to you a moment80 and then he came in with a candle in his hand4 8,i'm not easy about him1 sir10 he said4 8,but he won't let me sleep in his room1 as ,i asked4 ,i've come to ask you whether you will let me lie down on your sofa4 ,i don't like to leave him4 ,my own room is at the other end of the house4 ,excuse me1 sir1 if ,i've asked what ,i shouldn't4 ,but ,i don't like to sleep on the landing for fear he should look out and see me1 and be displeased40 ,of course ,i assented1 almost eagerly1 for ,i felt a strange discomfort and loneliness myself4 ,parker went noiselessly downstairs and got a rug or two and a pillow1 and then1 with many apologies1 lay down on the sofa near the window4 ,my bed stood at the other end of the long narrow room under the sloping side of the roof4 ,i blew the candles out presently1 and the room was in darkness4 ,i could not sleep at first4 ,i was anxious for my friend1 and ,i lay and listened for the slightest sound from the landing4 ,but ,parker's face1 as ,i had seen it as he had stood with the candle in his hand1 reassured me that he too would be on the watch4 ,the wind had half died down again4 ,only there came gusts from time to time that shook the leaded windows4 ,gradually ,i began to doze1 then ,i suppose ,i dropped off to sleep1 and ,i dreamed4 ,in my dream ,i knew that ,i was still in my room1 lying on my bed1 but the room seemed illuminated with a light whose source ,i could not imagine4 ,the curtains1 ,i thought1 were no longer drawn over the windows1 but looped back1 and the light from my room fell distinctly upon the panes4 ,i thought ,i was sitting up in bed watching for something at the window1 something which would terrify me when it came4 ,and then as ,i watched there came a gust of wind1 and lashed1 to judge by the sound1 a big spray of ivy across the outside4 ,then again it came1 and again1 but the sound grew more distinct4 ,i could see nothing at the window1 but there came that ceaseless patter and tap1 like a thousand fingers4 ,then a dead leaf or two was whirled up1 stuck for a moment on the glass1 and whirled away again4 ,it seemed to me that the ivy-spray and the leaves were clamouring to be admitted into shelter from that wild wind outside4 ,i grew terrified at their insistence1 and tried in my dream to call to ,parker1 whom ,i fancied to be still in the room1 and in the struggle awoke1 and the room was dark4 ,no2 as ,i looked about me it was not quite dark4 ,there lay across the floor an oblong patch of light from the door4 ,i gradually realised that the door was open2 there came a draught round the corner at the foot of my bed4 ,i sat up and called gently to ,parker4 ,but there was no answer4 ,i got out of bed noiselessly1 and went across the floor to where ,i saw the dim outlines of the sofa4 ,as ,i drew near ,i stumbled over a rug1 and then felt the pillow1 also on the floor4 ,i put my hands almost instinctively down1 and felt that the sofa was still warm1 but ,parker was gone4 ,then ,i looked out of the door4 ,the landing was lit by an oil-lamp1 and its light fell upon the priest's door4 ,it was almost closed1 but ,i could hear a faint murmur of voices4 ,i put on my dressing-gown and slippers and went out4 ,almost simultaneously the door opposite opened a little wider1 and ,parker's face looked out1 white and scared4 ,when he saw me1 he came swiftly out and down the stairs1 beckoning to me2 but as we met1 a loud high voice came from the priest's room4 8,parker1 ,parker6 tell him to come in--at once--at once4 ,don't leave me40 8,go in1 sir3 go in10 ,parker said1 in a loud whisper to me1 pushing me towards the door4 ,i went quickly up the two steep steps and entered1 ,parker close behind me1 and ,i heard him close the door softly4 ,there was a tall screen on my left1 and behind it was the bed1 with the head in the corner of the room3 a fire was burning near the bed4 ,i came round the screen quickly1 and saw the priest sitting up in bed4 ,he wore a tippet over his shoulders and a small skull-cap on his head4 ,his eyes were large and bright1 and looked at me almost unintelligently4 ,his hands were hidden by the bedclothes4 ,there was a little round table by the head of the bed1 on which stood two burning candles in silver candlesticks4 ,i drew up a chair by the table and sat down4 8,my old friend10 ,i said1 8what is it8 ,cannot you sleep80 ,he made no answer to me directly1 but stared past me round the room1 and then fixed his eyes at the foot of the bed4 8,the sorrows of the world10 he said1 8and the sorrows under the earth4 ,they come to me now1 because ,i have not understood them1 nor wept for them40 ,and then he drew out his old1 thin1 knotted hands1 and clasped them outside the rug that lay on the outside of the bed4 ,i laid my own hand upon them4 8,you have had a greater gift than that10 ,i said4 8,you have known instead the joys of the world40 ,he paid no attention to me1 but stared mournfully before him1 but he did not withdraw his hands4 ,there came a sudden gust of wind outside2 and even in that corner away from the window the candle flames leant over to one side1 and then the chimney behind me sighed suddenly4 ,the priest unclasped his hands1 and my own hand fell suddenly on the coverlet4 ,he stretched out his left hand to the window as it still shook1 and pointed at it in silence1 glaring over my head as he did so4 ,almost instinctively ,i turned to the long low window and looked4 ,but the curtains were drawn over it3 they were just stirring and heaving in the draught1 but there was nothing to be seen4 ,i could hear the pines tossing and sighing like a troubled sea outside4 ,then he broke out into a long wild talk1 now in a whisper1 and now breaking into something like a scream4 ,parker came quickly round from the doorway1 where he had been waiting out of sight1 and stood behind me1 anxious and scared4 ,sometimes ,i could not hear what the priest said3 he muttered to himself3 much of it ,i could not understand3 and some of it ,i cannot bring myself to write down--so sacred was it--so revealing of his soul's inner life hidden with ,christ in ,god4 8,the sorrows of the world10 he cried again2 8they are crying at my window1 at the window of a hard old man and a traitorous priest 444 betrayed them with a kiss4444 ,ah6 the ,holy ,innocents who have suffered6 ,innocents of man and bird and beast and flower2 and ,i went my way or sat at home in the sunshine2 and now they come crying to me to pray for them4 ,how little ,i have prayed60 ,then he broke into a torrent of tender prayer for all suffering things4 ,it seemed to me as he prayed as if the wind and the pines were silent4 ,then he began again3 8,their pale faces look through the glass2 no curtains can shut them out4 ,their thin fingers tap and entreat4444 ,and ,i have closed my heart at that door and cannot open it to let them in4444 ,there is the face of a dog who has suffered--his teeth are white1 but his eyes are glazed and his tongue hangs out4444 ,there is a rose with drenched petals--a rose whom ,i forgot4 ,see how the wind has battered it4444 ,the sorrows of the world6444 ,there come the souls from under the earth1 crying for one to release them and let them go--souls that all men have forgotten1 and ,i1 the chief of sinners4444 ,i have lived too much in the sweetness of ,god and forgotten ,his sorrows40 ,then he turned to a crucifix of ebony and silver that hung on the wall at his side1 and looked on it silently4 ,and then again he broke into compassionate prayer to the ,saviour of the world1 entreating ,him by ,his ,agony and ,bloody ,sweat1 by ,his ,cross and ,passion1 to remember all suffering things4 ,that prayer that ,i heard gave me a glimpse into mysteries of which ,i had not dreamed2 mysteries of the unity of ,christ and ,his members1 a unity of pain4 ,these great facts1 which ,i thank ,god ,i know more of now1 stood out in fiery lines against the dark sorrow that seemed to have filled the room from this old man's heart4 ,then suddenly he turned to me1 and his eyes so searched my own that ,i looked down1 while his words lashed me4 8,you1 my son10 he said1 8what have you done to help our ,lord and ,his children8 ,have you watched or slept8 ,couldst thou not watch with me one hour8 ,what share have you borne in the ,incarnation8 ,have you believed for those who could not believe1 hoped for the despairing1 loved and adored for the cold8 ,and if you could not understand nor do this1 have you at least welcomed pain that would have made you one with them8 ,have you even pitied them8 ,or have you hidden your face for fear you should grieve too much8 ,but what am ,i that ,i should find fault80 ,then he broke off again into self-reproach4 ,at this point ,parker bent over me and whispered3 8,he will die1 sir1 ,i think1 unless you can get him to be quiet40 ,the old man overheard1 and turned almost fiercely4 8,quiet80 he cried1 8when the world is so unquiet6 ,can ,i rest1 do you think1 with those at my window80 ,then1 with a loud cry1 8,ah6 they are in the room6 ,they look at me from the air6 ,i cannot bear it40 ,and he covered his face with his old thin hands1 and shrank back against the wall4 ,i got up from my seat1 and looked round as ,i did so4 ,it seemed to my fancy as if there were some strange ,presence filling the room4 ,it seemed as ,i turned as if crowding faces swiftly withdrew themselves over and behind the screen4 ,a picture on the wall overhead lifted and dropped again like a door as if to let something escape4 ,the coverlet1 which was a little disarranged by the old man's movement1 rippled gently as if some one who had been seated on the bed had risen4 ,i heard ,parker1 too1 behind me draw his breath quickly through his teeth4 ,all this ,i noticed in a moment2 the next ,i had bent over the bed towards the priest and put my hand on his shoulder4 ,either he or ,i was trembling1 ,i felt as ,i touched him4 8,my dear old friend10 ,i said1 8cannot you lie down quietly a little8 ,you cannot think how you are distressing us both40 ,then ,i added a word or two1 presumptuously1 ,i felt1 in the presence of this old man1 who knew so much about the ,love of ,god and the ,compassion of our ,saviour4 ,presently he withdrew his hands and looked at me4 8,yes1 yes10 he said2 8but you do not understand4 ,i am a priest40 ,i sat down again4 ,i tried hard to control a great trembling that had seized me4 ,still he watched me4 ,then he said more quietly3 8,is it nearly morning80 8,it is not yet twelve o'clock1 sir10 said ,parker's voice steadily behind me4 8,then ,i must watch and pray a little longer10 said the old man4 8,joy cometh in the morning40 ,then quite quietly he turned and lifted the crucifix from its nail1 kissed it and replaced it4 ,then he put his hands over his face again and remained still4 ,the wind outside seemed quieter4 ,but whenever it sighed in the chimney or at the window the priest winced a little1 as if a sudden pain had touched him4 ,he was supported by pillows behind his back and head1 against which he leaned easily4 ,after a few minutes of silence his hands dropped and clasped themselves on his lap4 ,his eyes were closed1 and he seemed breathing steadily4 ,i hoped that he would fall asleep so4 ,but as ,i turned to whisper to ,parker1 ,i suppose ,i must have made a slight noise1 for when ,i looked at the servant he paid no attention to me1 but was looking at his master4 ,i turned back again1 and saw the old man's eyes gazing straight at me4 8,yes10 he said2 8go and sleep2 why are you here8 ,parker1 why did you allow him to come80 8,i woke up and came myself10 ,i said4 8,parker did not disturb me40 8,well1 go back to bed now4 ,you will serve me in the morning80 ,i tried to say something about his not being fit to get up1 but he waved it aside4 8,you cannot understand10 he said quietly4 8,that is my one hope and escape4 ,joy cometh in the morning4 ,there are many souls here and elsewhere that are waiting for that joy1 and ,i must not disappoint them4 ,and ,i too10 he added softly1 8,i too look for that joy4 ,go now1 and we will meet in the morning40 ,and he smiled at me so gently that ,i got up and went1 feeling comforted4 ,after ,i had been in bed a little while1 ,i heard the priest's door open and close again1 and then ,parker tapped at my open door and came in4 8,i have left him quiet1 sir4 ,i do not think he will sleep1 but he would not let me stay40 8,have you ever seen him like this before80 ,i asked4 8,never quite like this1 sir10 he said2 and as ,i looked at the old servant ,i saw that his eyes were bright with tears1 and his lips twitching4 8,well10 ,i said1 8we have both heard strange things to-night4 ,your master whom you love is in the hands of ,god40 ,the old servant's face broke into lines of sorrow2 and then the tears ran down his face4 8,excuse me1 sir10 he said1 8,i am not quite myself4 ,shall ,i put the candle out1 sir80 ,then he lay down on the sofa4 8,one word more1 ,parker4 ,you will wake me if you hear anything more4 ,and anyhow you will call me at seven if ,i should be asleep40 8,certainly1 sir10 answered ,parker's voice from the darkness4 ,i slept and woke often that night4 ,each time ,i woke ,i went quietly to the door and looked across the landing and listened4 ,each time ,i was not so quiet but that ,parker heard me and was by me as ,i looked1 and each time there was a line of light under the priest's door2 and once or twice a murmur of one voice at least from the room4 ,towards morning ,i fell into a sound sleep1 and awoke to find ,parker arranging my clothes and setting ready my bath4 ,the rugs and the pillow were gone from the sofa1 and there was no sign on the servant's face that anything unusual had happened during the night4 8,how is he80 ,i asked quickly4 8,have you seen him80 8,yes1 sir10 said ,parker2 8he is dressing now1 and will be ready at half-past seven4 ,it is a little before seven now1 sir40 8,but how is he80 ,i asked again4 8,i scarcely know1 sir10 answered ,parker4 8,he does not seem ill1 but he is very silent again this morning1 sir40 ,then1 after a pause1 8,is there anything ,i can do for you1 sir80 8,there is nothing more1 thank you10 ,i said1 and he left the room4 ,i got up presently and dressed4 ,the morning was still dark1 and ,i dressed by candlelight4 ,when ,i drew the curtains back the sky had just begun to glimmer in the reflected dawn from the other side of the house2 but it was too dark to see to read except by artificial light4 ,i went out on to the landing1 paused a moment1 and heard a footstep in the priest's room4 ,then ,i opened the door of the oratory and went in4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,in the ,morning ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,at the end of woe suddenly our eyes shall be opened1 and in clearness of light our sight shall be full3 which light is ,god1 our ,maker and ,holy ,ghost1 in ,christ ,jesus our ,saviour40 ,mother ,julian4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,in the ,morning ,,the oratory is a little room1 white-washed1 crossed by oaken beams on the walls4 ,the window is opposite the door2 and the altar stands to the left4 ,there is a bench or two on the right4 ,when ,i entered on this morning the tapers were lighted1 the vestments laid out upon the altar1 and all prepared4 ,i went across and knelt by the window4 ,presently ,i heard the priest's door open1 and in a moment more he came in1 followed by ,parker1 who closed the door behind him and came and knelt at the bench4 ,i looked eagerly at the old man's face2 it was white and tired-looking1 and the eyebrows seemed to droop more than ever1 but it was a quiet face4 ,it was only for an instant that ,i saw it1 for he turned to the altar and began to vest3 and then when he was ready he began4 ,it was strange to hear that voice1 which had rung with such intensity of pain so few hours before1 now subdued and controlled2 and to watch the orderly movements of those hands that had twisted and gesticulated with such terrible appeal4 ,i felt that ,parker too was watching with a close and awful interest what we both half feared would be a shocking climax to the scenes of the night before1 but which we half hoped too would recall and quiet that troubled spirit4 ,dawn was now beginning to shine on the western sky4 ,there was a tall holly tree that rose nearly to the level of the window4 ,as ,i looked out for a moment my eye was caught by the outline of a bird1 faintly seen1 sitting among the upper branches4 ,now ,i will only mention one incident that took place4 ,i was in such a strange and disordered state of mind that ,i scarcely now can remember certainly anything but this4 ,as the ,priest's ,communion drew near there came a sudden soft blow against the window panes4444 ,when the priest began to unvest1 ,i left the chapel and went downstairs to await him in the breakfast room4 ,but as he did not come1 ,i went outside the house for a few minutes1 and presently found myself below the chapel window4 ,it seemed to me that ,i was in a dream--the very earth ,i trod on seemed unreal4 ,i was unable to think connectedly4 ,the scene in the chapel seemed to stand out vividly4 ,it seemed to me as if in some sense it were a climax1 but of what nature1 whether triumphant or full of doom1 ,i could not tell4 ,as ,i stood there1 perplexed1 downcast1 in the growing glimmer of the day1 my eyes fell upon a small rumpled heap at my feet1 and looking closer ,i saw it was the body of a thrush2 it was still limp and warm1 and as ,i lifted it ,i remembered the sudden blow against the window panes4 ,but as ,i still stood1 utterly distracted1 the chapel window was thrown open1 and ,parker's face looked out as ,i gazed up4 ,he beckoned to me furiously and withdrew1 leaving the window swinging4 ,i laid the thrush under a bush at the corner of the house as ,i ran round1 and came in quickly and up the stairs4 ,parker met me on the landing4 8,he just reeled and fell1 sir10 he said1 8up the stairs into his room4 ,i've laid him on the bed1 and must get down to the stables to send for the doctor4 ,will you stay with him1 sir1 till ,i come back80 ,and without waiting for an answer he was gone4 ,that evening ,i was still sitting by my friend's side4 ,i had food brought up to my room during the day1 but except for those short intervals was with him continually4 ,the doctor had come and gone4 ,all that he could tell us was that the old man had had a seizure of some kind1 and he had looked grave when ,i told him of the events of the night before4 8,his age is against him1 too10 the doctor had said2 8,i cannot say what will happen40 ,and then he had given directions1 and had left1 promising to return again1 at any rate the next morning4 ,i had been trying to read with a shaded lamp1 looking from time to time at the figure of the old man on the bed1 as he lay white and quiet1 with his eyes closed1 as he had lain all day4 ,at about six o'clock1 ,i had just glanced at my watch1 when a slight movement made me turn to the bed again1 and ,i could see in the dim light that his eyes were open and fixed upon me1 but all the pain was gone out of them1 and they were a child's eyes again4 ,i rose and went to his side1 and sat down in the same chair that ,i had occupied the night before4 ,immediately ,i had sat down he put out his hand1 and ,i took it and held it4 ,his eyes smiled at me1 and then he spoke1 very slowly1 with long pauses4 8,well10 he said1 8you have been with me and have seen and heard1 last night and this morning2 but it is all ended1 and the valley is lightening again at its eastern end where the sun rises4 ,so it was not all dreams and fancies--those old stories that you bore with so patiently to please me4 ,now tell me what you heard and saw4 ,did you see them all in the room last night8 and--and0--his eyes grew wide and insistent--8what did you see this morning80 ,now the doctor had told me that he must not be over-excited1 but soothed2 and honestly enough1 though some who may read this may not agree with me1 ,i thought it was better to speak plainly of those things so strange to you and me1 but so dear and familiar to him4 ,and so ,i told him all ,i had heard and seen4 8,ah60 he said when ,i had finished1 8then we were not quite as one4 ,but still you saw and heard more than most men4 ,now will you hear one more story8 ,i will not tell you all ,i saw last night1 because the ,lord has been gracious to me1 and is rising with healing in ,his wings on me and on many other poor creatures4 ,but the wounds are aching still1 and if you will spare me1 ,i will not speak much of the shadows of last night1 but only of the joys that came in the morning4 ,will you hear it80 8,my dear old friend10 ,i said1 8are you sure it will not be too much for you80 ,he shook his head2 and then1 still holding my hand in his1 his fingers tightening and relaxing as he told his tale1 with many pauses and efforts1 he began3 8,last night the sorrows of death came to me10 he said1 8and all the blood and agony and desolation of the whole world seemed to be round me4 ,and ,i have had so little sorrow in my life that ,i was ill prepared to meet them4 ,our ,lord has always shown me such grace and given me so much joy4 ,but ,he warned me again and again this autumn4 ,that was why ,i spoke to you as ,i did when you came before ,christmas4 8,well1 last night1 all this came to me4 ,and it seemed as if ,i were partly responsible4 ,years ago ,i was set apart as a priest to stand between the dead and the living4 ,it was meant that ,i should be the meeting-place1 as every priest must be1 of creation's need and ,god's grace--as every ,christian must be in his station4 ,that is what intercession and the ,holy ,sacrifice both signify and effect4 ,the two tides of need and fulfilment must meet in a priest's heart4 ,but all my life ,i have known much of fulfilment and little of need4 ,last night the first was almost withdrawn1 and the second deepened almost beyond bearing4 ,but ,i knew1 as ,i told you last night1 that with the morning would come peace--that ,i should be able to carry up the burden laid on me1 and make it one with ,him on ,whom the iniquities of us all are laid4 ,but ,i need not say more of that now4 ,this morning when ,i went to the altar a lull had come in the storm4 ,but it was all in my heart still4 ,i felt sure that ,i should have the clear vision once more3 and as ,i lifted up the ,body of our ,lord1 it came4 8,as ,i lifted ,it up ,it disappeared2 as those tell us who look in crystals4 ,and this is what ,i saw4 ,i do not know how long ,i saw it1 it seemed as if time stood still1 but you told me there was no perceptible pause4 ,well0--and the old man raised himself slightly in the bed--8between my hands ,i saw a long slope running as it seemed from me downhill4 ,on the nearer higher end of the slope were men going to and fro1 and ,i knew they needed something--and yet many of them did not seem to know it themselves--but they were all in need4 ,one there was who walked quickly1 clenching and unclenching his hands1 and ,i knew he fought with sin4 ,and there was a woman with a dead child across her knees2 and there was a blind child crying in a corner4 8,then further down the slope were wounded creatures of all kinds1 and lonely beasts seeking a place to die1 and the very grass of the field seemed to be in sorrow1 and there were blind sea-creatures gasping4 ,they were not small1 as you might think1 but ,i saw them as if ,i looked through a hole in a wall4 8,and they stretched down1 rank on rank1 heaving and striving1 men and beasts warring and trampling down the flowers4 ,there was a thrush ,i saw1 too1 shivering in a tree2 and the thought of the story ,i have told you came to my mind1 and there were a thousand things that ,i forget4 8,now when ,i saw all this my hands trembled1 but what ,i saw did not tremble1 so ,i knew that it was real4 ,and then very far away and faint at the foot of the slope was a level silvery mist1 like a sea-fog1 with delicate currents and lines1 now swift and piercing1 now slow2 and in the mist moved faces2 but ,i could not distinguish the features4 ,and these were the souls that waited until their sins should be done away4 8,and then with something like terror ,i remembered that ,i held in my hands the ,body of the ,lord4 ,and ,i was puzzled and distracted1 but ,i knelt to adore1 and as ,i lowered the ,holy ,thing1 the clouds closed and the light died out4 ,and it may be that ,i was cowardly--and ,i think ,god will pardon an old man for whom the light was too strong--but when ,i consecrated the chalice1 ,i dared not look at it4 ,at the ,communion1 too1 ,i closed my eyes again40 ,the old man paused a moment and then continued4 8,i heard no sound such as you describe4 ,as ,i unvested and went to my room ,i was still perplexed at what ,i had seen1 and could not understand it1 and then on a sudden ,i understood it1 and it was then ,i suppose that ,i fell down40 ,there was a silence for a moment3 then ,i answered4 8,i cannot understand even now40 ,the priest smiled at me1 and his hand closed again on mine4 8,i think there is no need for me to tell you that4 ,it will be plain to you soon4 ,remember what it was that ,i saw1 and where ,i saw it1 and all will be easy4 8,you can leave me now for a little10 he went on4 8,i am perfectly free from pain1 and ,i wish to think4 ,would you send ,parker to me in about an hour's time80 ,and then1 as ,i went towards the door1 he added3 8,one word more4 ,i had forgotten something4 ,i have yet one more clear vision to see before ,i die4 ,i have seen1 you remember1 what you too have seen1 how all things need ,god2 but there is yet one more thing to see which will make all plain1 and ,i think you can guess what that is4 ,and ,i pray that you will be with me when ,i see it40 ,then ,i turned and went quietly out4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,expected ,guest ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 8,jhesu6 ,jhesu6 ,esto michi1 ,jhesu60 ,old ,prayer ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,the ,expected ,guest ,,as day after day went by and the old man seemed no worse1 ,i began to have hopes that he might recover1 but the doctor discouraged me4 8,at the best10 he said1 8he may just linger on4 ,but ,i do not think the end is far off4 ,you must remember he is an old man40 ,and so at last the end came4 ,during these days1 since ,parker was of course too much occupied with his master1 a boy waited on me4 ,on the last evening1 as the boy came in for the second time at dinner1 he looked white and frightened4 8,what is it80 ,i asked4 8,we don't like it1 sir1 in the servants' hall4 ,two children ran in just now and said they had seen something1 and we are all upset1 sir4 ,the maids are crying40 8,what was it the children thought they saw80 ,i asked4 ,the boy hesitated4 8,tell me10 ,i repeated4 ,the boy put down the dish he held and came closer to me4 8,they say they saw the master himself1 sir1 on the front lawn1 at the gate40 8,where were the children80 ,i asked4 8,passing round from the house1 sir1 in front1 under the chestnut4 ,they had been sent by the ,rector to inquire40 ,i got up from the table4 8,where are they80 ,i asked4 8,in the servants' hall1 sir40 8,bring them into the sitting-room40 ,and ,i followed him out and waited4 ,presently the swing-door opened and the children looked in4 ,behind them were the pale faces of the servants1 whispering and staring4 8,come in10 ,i said to the children1 8and sit down4 ,don't be afraid40 ,they came timidly in1 evidently very much frightened4 ,the door closed behind them4 ,this was their story4 ,they had been to the house to inquire how the old man was1 and were returning to the ,rectory4 ,but they had hardly started1 in fact had only just reached the chestnut-tree in front of the house1 when both of them1 who were looking towards the lighted windows1 had seen quite plainly the figure of the old priest standing just inside the gate4 ,he was bareheaded1 they said1 dressed in black1 but they could only see his head and shoulders over the bank1 as the road is a little lower than the grass which borders on it and runs up to the gate4 ,he seemed1 they said1 to be looking out for some one4 ,when ,i asked them how they could possibly see any one at that distance on such a dark night1 they had no sort of explanation2 they could only repeat that they did see him quite plainly4 ,at last ,i took them out myself1 and made them point out to me the place where they had seen it2 but1 as ,i expected1 all was dark1 and we could not even make out the white balls on the pedestals4 ,i took them on to the end of the drive1 as they still seemed upset2 and they told me there that they would not be frightened to go the rest of the way alone4 ,fortunately1 however1 as we waited a man passed in the direction of the village1 and he consented to see them as far as the ,rectory gate4 ,when ,i entered the house again the maids with the boy were standing in the hall4 ,they looked eagerly towards the door as ,i opened it1 and one of them cried out4 8,what is it now80 ,i asked4 ,one of the elder servants answered3 8,oh sir1 the master's worse4 ,parker's afraid he's going4 ,he's just run downstairs for you1 sir2 and now he's gone back40 ,i did not wait to hear any more1 but pushed past them1 through the sitting-room1 and ran upstairs4 ,the door of the old man's room was open1 and ,i heard faint sounds from within4 ,i went straight in without knocking1 and turned the corner of the screen4 ,parker1 who was kneeling by the bed1 supporting his master in his arms1 turned his head as ,i came in sight1 and made a gesture with it4 ,i came close up4 8,he's going fast1 sir1 ,i'm afraid10 he whispered4 ,the old man was sitting up in bed looking quite straight before him4 ,his lips were slightly parted2 and his eyes were full of expectancy4 ,he kept lifting his hands gently1 half opening them with a welcoming movement1 and then letting them fall4 ,now he leaned gently forward1 as if to meet something with his hands extended1 then sinking a little back upon ,parker's arm4 ,he paid no attention to me1 and it seemed as if his eyes were focused to an almost infinite distance4 ,i too knelt down by the bed and waited watching him4 ,then there came soft footsteps at the door1 but it was not for that he waited4 ,then a whispering and a sobbing3 and ,i knew that the servants were gathering outside4 ,still he waited for that which he knew would come before he died4 ,and the expectancy deepened in his eyes to an almost terrible intensity2 and it was the expectancy that feared no disappointment4 ,it was perfectly still outside1 the servants were quiet now1 and the old man's breathing was inaudible4 ,once ,i heard the far-off bark of a dog away somewhere in the village4 ,as ,i watched his face ,i saw how wrinkles covered it1 the corners of his eyes and his forehead were deeply furrowed1 and the lines deepened and shifted as his face worked4 ,and then suddenly he cried out3 8,he is coming1 my son1 ,he is coming far away40 ,and then silence4 ,i heard a sudden movement outside and then stillness again4 ,then a maid broke out into sobbing3 and ,i heard footsteps1 and then the door of my room across the landing open and shut3 and the sobbing ceased4 ,but the old man paid no heed4 ,then suddenly he cried out again3 8,behold ,he stands at the door and knocks40 ,he made an indescribable gesture with his hands4 ,then ,i was startled1 for there came a loud pealing at the bell downstairs4 ,parker whispered to me to send one of the servants downstairs3 and ,i went to the door for an instant and told the boy to go3 then ,i came back4 ,the boy's footsteps died away down the staircase4 ,i knelt down again by the bed4 ,then once more the old man cried out3 8,he is coming1 my son4 ,he is here30 and then1 8,look60 ,as he said this across his face there came an extraordinary smile2 for one moment1 as ,i started up and looked1 his face was that of a child1 the wrinkles seemed suddenly erased1 and a great rosy flush swept from forehead to mouth1 and his eyes shone like stars4 ,i noticed too1 even at this moment1 for ,i was almost facing him as ,i sprang up1 that the focus of his eyes was contracted to a point at the foot of his bed where the screen stood4 ,then he fell back2 and ,parker laid him gently down4 ,a moment after footsteps came up the stairs3 and the boy whispered from the doorway that the ,rector had come4 ,,the ,,end ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,transcribe's ,notes3 ,missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected4 ,typographical errors were silently corrected4 ,inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant form was found in this book4 ,text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores 7italics74