,,altruism    ,,its ,,nature ,,and      
,,varieties       ,,altruism    ,,its   
,,nature ,,and ,,varieties    ,,the     
,,ely ,,lectures ,,for #aiag-ah     ,,by
   ,,george ,,herbert ,,palmer          
,,charles ,,scribner',s ,,sons   ,,new  
,,york       #aiai       ,,copyright1   
#aiai1 ,,by   ,,charles ,,scribner',s   
,,sons    ,published ,january1 #aiai    
,illustration     ,,the ,,ely           
,,foundation   ,the ,elias ,p4 ,ely     
,lectureship was founded by ,mr4        
,zebulon ,stiles ,ely1 ,may #h1 #ahfe4  
,the deed of gift contains the following
 paragraphs3    8,the undersigned gives 
the sum of ten thousand dollars to the  
,union   ,theological ,seminary of the  
,city of ,new ,york to found a          
,lectureship   in the same1 the title of
 which shall be the #8,elias ,p4 ,ely   
,lectures   on the ,evidences of        
,christianity1' on the following        
conditions3    8,the course of lectures 
given on this foundation is to comprise 
any   topics that serve to establish the

 proposition that ,christianity is   a  
religion from ,god1 or that it is the   
perfect and final form of   religion for
 man4 ,among the subjects discussed may 
be the nature   and need of a           
revelation2 the character and influence 
of ,christ and   ,his apostles2 the     
authenticity and credibility of the     
,scriptures1   miracles1 and prophecy2  
the diffusion and benefits of           
,christianity2   the philosophy of      
religion in its relation to the         
,christian system40  ,under date of ,may
 #bd1 #ahgi1 ,mr4 ,ely addressed a      
communication to the ,directors of the  
,seminary in which the conditions of the
 ,lectureship are amplified as follows3 
8,the conditions of the foundation of   
the ,elias ,p4 ,ely ,lectureship1       
dated ,may #h1 #ahfe1 are hereby        
modified1 so that the course of   public
 lectures therein provided for1 may not 
only be on #8,the   ,evidences of       
,christianity1' but on such other       
subjects as the   ,faculty and          

,directors1 in concurrence with the     
undersigned1 while   living1 may deem   
for the good of man40     ,,preface   ,i
 here present the substance of eight    
,ely ,lectures delivered in the spring  
of #aiah at ,union ,theological         
,seminary in ,new ,york4 ,they were     
spoken without manuscript4 ,in writing  
them out from the stenographer's notes  
,i have condensed them considerably4 ,in
 these belligerent days publishers are  
disposed to economize paper and print1  
and readers to prize brevity in         
everything except newspapers4 ,such     
restrictions force on us loquacious     
bookmakers greater regard for           
compactness and lucidity1 and are thus  
not altogether an injury4  ,the book    
seeks to call attention to a section of 
ethics in regard to which the public    
mind greatly needs clarifying4 ,altruism
 and egoism1 socialism and              
individualism1 are in our time          
sentimentally arrayed against one       
another as independent and antagonistic 

agencies1 each having its partisans4 ,a 
careful examination will show1 ,i think1
 that the one has meaning only when in  
company with its supposed rival4 ,i have
 thought to make this clearest by       
tracing three stages through which the  
altruistic impulse passes in every-day  
life1 exhibiting their varying degrees  
of dignity and the helpful presence in  
all of them of egoistic balance4 ,if    
through my notion of a conjunct self ,i 
have made this curious partnership plain
 ,i shall count it no mean contribution 
to our generous1 sacrificial1           
self-assertive1 and perplexed time4     
,,george ,,herbert ,,palmer4            
,,cambridge1 ,october #ba1 #aiah4       
,,contents     ,,chapter                
,,page       ,i4 ,,introduction         
#a      ,,ii4 ,,manners                 
#ac     ,,iii4 ,,gifts                  
#cb      ,,iv4 ,,defects ,,of ,,giving  
#ef       ,v4 ,,mutuality               
#ge      ,,vi4 ,,love                   
#ia     ,,vii4 ,,justice                

#aaj    ,,viii4 ,,conclusion            
#abf     ,,altruism  ,,its ,,nature     
,,and ,,varieties     ,,chapter ,i      
,,introduction   ,i have been moving    
about lately through different parts of 
our country1 sitting down to dinner in  
many homes1 and ,i have everywhere found
 the family eating bread made of ,indian
 meal1 rye1 barley1 or oatmeal4 ,when ,i
 have asked1 8,are you especially fond  
of this sort of food80 ,i have pretty   
generally received the answer1 8,why1   
no6 ,we all like wheat bread better4    
,but we are not eating it now1 for other
 nations need it40  ,that is altruism1  
one of the most fundamental1 familiar1  
and mysterious of all the virtues4 ,this
 course of lectures will be devoted to  
elucidating it4 ,to a recognition of it 
the ,western mind has risen slowly4 ,the
 ,greeks attached little importance to  
it2 for though philanthropy1 regard for 
man as man1 is a ,greek word1 it is not 
a ,greek idea4 ,plato does not include  
it among his four virtues nor anywhere  

lay stress on its practice4 ,in         
,aristotle's ,ethics1 it is true1 there 
are magnificent chapters on friendship1 
and friendship plays a great part in the
 teaching of the ,epicureans and        
,stoics4 ,but all alike speak of        
attachment to another person chiefly as 
a means of strength for oneself4 ,the   
thought of whole-hearted giving without 
correspondent personal gain would have  
puzzled a ,greek4  ,when we turn to the 
other branch of our civilization and    
examine what we have derived from the   
,hebrews1 we find a nearer approach to  
modern ideas4 ,commonly enough the      
,hebrews speak of mercy and grace1 and  
pair these off against justice and      
truth4 ,apparently when these terms are 
applied to ,god's dealings with us1 the 
second pair indicates his exact return  
for what we have done for him2 but the  
first pair points to something over and 
above1 a surplusage of generosity1 lying
 outside the field of equal pay4 ,god is
 conceived as altruistic and we are     

summoned to imitate him in this4 ,jesus 
develops the thought to such a degree   
that love becomes the centre of his     
teaching4 ,we are told that without it  
all other excellence is worthless4 ,we  
must love as ,god loves1 letting our sun
 shine on the evil and on the good4     
,indeed1 we must love even our enemies4 
,while modern nations have allowed such 
precepts to stand as counsels of        
perfection and have been ready to see in
 occasional acts an embodiment of them1 
parallel with them they have always     
recognized a contrary and more powerful 
tendency1 namely1 the disposition to    
seek one's own4 ,this they have believed
 to be essential for carrying on the    
daily affairs of life4 ,at the same time
 altruistic conduct has ever been       
thought 8superior10 8higher02 egoistic1 
as containing nothing to call forth     
admiration4  ,when men1 however1 began  
to think seriously about ethics it      
became impossible to allow two such     
springs of action to remain in permanent

 discord4 ,attempts were made to bring  
them into harmony by showing that the   
one is only a disguised form of the     
other4 ,hobbes1 for example             
7#aehh-afgi71 the first in his great    
book1 ,leviathan1 to stir the ,english  
mind to ethical reflection1 maintains   
that altruism is strictly impossible4   
,each of us seeks self-preservation and 
acts through a passion for power4 ,this 
necessarily brings us into conflict with
 our neighbors and makes of society a   
strife of each with all4 ,such universal
 war is soon seen to bring damage to    
every one and social compacts arise1    
compromises1 under which ,i concede to  
others the right of acting in certain   
ways on condition of their allowing my  
action in certain others4 ,while this   
involves large sacrifice of one's own   
desires for the sake of other people1 it
 is endured because it pays1 pays       
egoistically4 ,we gain by it the largest
 scope for action our crowded world     
permits4 ,but there is nothing          

disinterested about it4 ,genuine        
altruism is nowhere operative4 ,a man   
cannot escape from himself and feel     
another's pleasure as his own4 ,as well 
might ,i profess to feel your toothache 
more keenly than my own as to declare   
myself more interested in your welfare  
than in that of myself4 ,fundamentally1 
each of us must be egoistic2 but we can 
be successfully so only by taking others
 into the account4  ,this attempt of    
,hobbes to resolve altruism into a      
larger form of egoism naturally shocked 
,england1 and a century was spent by the
 ,english moralists in trying to prove  
that the benevolent feelings are equally
 original with the self-seeking4        
,cumberland1 ,shaftesbury1 ,hutcheson1  
,butler1 eagerly demonstrated           
benevolence to be a constant and        
independent factor of human life2 but   
when they attempted to show the relation
 in which this stands to its seeming    
opposite1 they became vague4 ,apparently
 there are two rival forces within us4  

,now one acts1 now the other4  ,a few of
 the attempts that have been made to    
effect a junction of the two1 and to    
show how we cross from our egoistic to  
altruistic desires1 deserve notice4     
,hartley 7#agje-ageg7 proposed an       
ingenious one4 ,the two passions become 
fused through association4 ,we are all  
familiar with the man who begins to     
accumulate money in order to supply his 
daily wants and then by degrees         
withdraws his attention from those wants
 and fixes it upon money itself4 ,what  
was originally a means becomes an end4  
,in just this way ,hartley thought our  
egoistic desires become transformed4 ,to
 reach satisfaction they usually require
 assistance from other people4          
,conscious at first of our dependence on
 others for aid1 we become by degrees   
interested in others for their own sake1
 and finally seek to aid them rather    
than have them aid us4 ,our             
self-regarding powers and our           
extra-regarding powers are thus by      

association blurred into one4 ,an       
important school of ethical writers1    
among whom the two ,mills are the most  
notable1 have held this view4  ,an      
interesting variation was adopted by    
,jeremy ,bentham 7#agdh-ahcb74 ,it might
 be called the quantitative view4 ,the  
one thing desired by us all is          
happiness4 ,we seek to produce as much  
of it as possible1 paying little        
attention to the one on whom it falls4  
,of course our primary desire looks     
toward ourselves4 ,but in seeking to    
increase that bulk of happiness from    
which we draw1 egoism largely disappears
 in the search after the greatest       
happiness of the greatest number4 ,this 
formula must always be convenient and   
valuable in a democratic state4  ,one of
 the most curious of these methods of   
extracting altruistic gold from a baser 
metal is that of ,bishop ,paley         
7#agdc-ahje74 ,according to him we have 
none of us an interest in our fellows'  
happiness and should never of ourselves 

seek it4 ,but we read in our ,bibles the
 command to love our neighbor and are   
told that we shall fall into eternal    
misery if we do not4 ,with his customary
 audacious clearness ,paley states the  
matter thus3 8,the greatest virtue is   
doing good to mankind1 in obedience to  
the will of ,god1 and for the sake of   
everlasting happiness40 ,that is1 the   
one thing of importance is altruistic   
endeavor4 ,but this is so alien to our  
disposition that it can be brought about
 only through divine interposition1     
making it a condition of our own        
permanent enjoyment4  ,a subtler        
doctrine1 and one much closer to the    
facts of human nature1 is that of ,adam 
,smith 7#agbc-agij74 ,he has observed   
how large a part sympathy plays in our  
ordinary affairs4 ,if ,i am near a      
person when he is moved by any feeling1 
that feeling tends to jump across and to
 become mine also4 ,such identification 
of myself and him gives pleasure to us  
both4 ,we all have experienced how      

sympathy heightens enjoyment and        
diminishes distress4 ,in sympathy two   
sets of feelings become so nearly       
identified that the result can be called
 neither egoistic nor altruistic4  ,now 
,i do not propose in these lectures to  
combat or defend any of these theories4 
,no one of them seems to me to be       
without weight1 all deserve             
consideration1 and something like the   
operation of each ,i trace in people    
around me4 ,the one with which ,i am in 
largest agreement is the last1 where    
,adam ,smith would identify the two     
moral aims4 ,but all the theories are   
vitiated by a false start1 which in     
these lectures ,i wish to avoid4  ,each 
of them looks upon man in his original  
estate as a self-centred being1 a       
distinct ego4 ,by degrees this single   
person discovers other persons about him
 and learns that he must have relations 
with them4 ,the relations may be        
altruistic or egoistic1 but they are    
subsequent and supplemental4 ,in himself

 he is separate and detached4 ,now1 ,i  
hold that this conception is altogether 
erroneous4 ,there is no such solitary   
person4 ,one person is no person4 ,the  
smallest known unit of personality is   
three1 father1 mother1 child4 ,none of  
us came into the world in separateness1 
nor have separately remained here4      
,relations have encompassed us from     
birth4 ,through them we are what we are1
 social beings1 members of a whole4     
,while it is true that the ties of      
parentage loosen as the child matures1  
these drop away only because others1 now
 more formative1 take him in charge4    
,before we have a separate consciousness
 we know ourselves as members of a      
family1 of a state1 of the community of 
human kind4 ,we never stand alone4  ,not
 that it is an error to say 8,i40 ,this1
 properly1 is our commonest word and    
commonest thought4 ,only with reference 
to it does anything else have value4    
,however interlocked the total frame of 
things may be1 at certain centres where 

relations converge there are unique     
spots of consciousness capable of       
estimating reality and of sending forth 
modifying influences4 ,such a centre of 
consciousness1 unlike all else1 we      
rightly call a person1 a self or ego2   
and because of its importance we often  
fix attention on it1 withdrawing notice 
for the moment from the relations which 
encompass it4 ,such an abstraction1 if  
clearly understood1 is entirely         
legitimate4 ,i shall frequently make use
 of it under the title of the separate  
or abstract self4 ,but it should be     
borne in mind that it is an abstraction 
and that the real person is what ,i     
shall call the conjunct or social self1 
made up of that centre of consciousness 
and the relations in which it stands4   
,while these two are usefully           
distinguishable1 they are not separable4
 ,when ,i try to detach myself from my  
surroundings ,i know ,i am attempting an
 impossibility4 ,how much would there be
 left of me were there no one but this  

central ego1 none with whom ,i might    
communicate1 no language prepared for   
communication or thought1 no common     
affections1 interests1 or undertakings8 
,evidently we are from the start social 
beings4 ,if with the early moralists we 
make the opposite assumption1 our       
subsequent interest in our fellow men   
will never quite clear itself of        
artificiality and mistake4  ,yet while  
the separate self and the conjunct self 
lodge in the same being1 the degree and 
kind of attention accorded to the latter
 marks the stage of moral maturity at   
which man or nation has arrived4 ,in    
certain undeveloped forms of social life
 the conjunctive elements are but       
slightly emphasized1 while the separate 
self bulks large4 ,with the advance of  
morality the opposite principle obtains4
 ,wider and more subtle relationships   
are seen to make our lives our own4     
,many as are these social varieties1 ,i 
have thought they might advantageously  
be examined under three headings1 to    

which ,i give the rather unintelligible 
names of ,manners1 ,gifts1 and          
,mutuality4 ,while recognizing that     
every phase of human life is altruistic 
in some degree1 ,i hold that there are  
higher grades which give to the         
principle a prominence and scope which  
the lower lack4 ,my general subject1    
then1 might be entitled ,the ,forms and 
,stages of the ,conjunct ,self4 ,i begin
 where the conjunctive principle appears
 in its narrowest range and advance into
 the broader altruism only as ,i am     
logically compelled to do so4           
,endeavoring to see how small a section 
of human conduct need be affected by    
altruism1 ,i am ultimately forced to    
make it as extensive as life itself4    
,maintaining1 however1 as ,i do1 that   
the two contrasted elements always are  
and should be mutually serviceable1 ,i  
naturally have nothing to say in        
condemnation of self-seeking4 ,on the   
contrary1 ,i hold it to be praiseworthy4
 ,rightly does ,aristotle assert that   

the good man is always a lover of       
himself4 ,but of which self is          
,aristotle thinking1 the conjunct or the
 separate8 ,much of the mystery         
surrounding the notion of altruism is   
due to confusion on this point4 ,for    
example1 when a man is charged with     
selfishness it is usually because he is 
thought to have obtained some advantage4
 ,but why should he not8 ,he is blamable
 only when he detaches the thought of   
his own advantage from advantage to     
others4 ,my good must not be had at     
another's expense4 ,when a plate of     
apples is passed and ,i pick out the    
best one1 the wrong is not in my        
obtaining a good apple but in my        
depriving somebody else of one4 ,that is
 selfishness4 ,whenever my gain is not  
inconsistent with his or1 as is usually 
the case1 actually contributes to it1   
the larger the gain made by me the      
better4     ,,chapter ,,ii  ,,manners   
,where1 then1 does altruism appear in   
its simplest form8 ,whenever one of us  

comes into the presence of another there
 occurs a subtle change of personal     
attitude to which ,i give the name of   
,manners4 ,we do not act or speak       
precisely as if alone4 ,in all our      
bearing there is a marked adjustment of 
one personality to another4 ,i take on  
the color of him before whom ,i stand4  
,i feel his psychological conditions and
 square myself accordingly4 ,that is1 ,i
 at once perceive that he and ,i are not
 quite independent4 ,an acknowledgment  
of a certain community between us must  
be established before either of us can  
be at ease4 ,such acknowledgment may    
have a wide or narrow scope1 but it will
 always imply regard for another for his
 own sake and not merely regard for my  
sake4  ,one would expect that the words 
which name a relation so normal and     
dignified would be words suggestive of  
honor4 ,strangely enough1 they are all  
depreciatory4 ,i have sought for a word 
to describe the consideration of man by 
man which would be colorless1 that      

neither praised nor blamed1 but simply  
fixed attention on the fact4 ,no such   
word do ,i find4 ,a blot of             
disparagement is on them all4 ,i choose 
,manners as on the whole the least      
objectionable4  ,pass them briefly in   
review4 ,when ,i say a man is kind in   
,manners1 do ,i not suggest that there  
may be a contrast between his outward   
bearing and his inner heart8 ,or shall  
we call the relation one of ,propriety1 
as ,adam ,smith does in his masterly    
discussion of this moral situation8     
,propriety always stirs aversion1       
because it implies that we have had     
little share in establishing the        
standard employed4 ,it has been set up  
outside us and still we are subjected to
 it4 ,how exasperated a child is when   
told to behave properly6 ,why should he 
care for ,propriety8 ,or shall we say   
,civility8 ,it is a scrimping1 meagre   
word1 announcing that only so much      
consideration is shown as decency       
requires4 ,when we hear a man say1      

8,john was civil to me10 our thought    
continues3 8,was that all8 ,did he go no
 further than that80 ,how would         
,politeness do8 ,more than ,manners it  
hints at insincerity and conduct that   
hopes to gain something for itself4     
,beware of a polite man4 ,he is likely  
to use you for his own ends4 ,might we  
then talk of ,good ,breeding8 ,when any 
one calls me well-bred he praises my    
parents1 not me4 ,the excellence on     
which ,i pride myself has apparently    
come from their training4 ,what shall we
 say of ,courtesy8 ,that it is a term of
 dignity1 but suggests stooping4 ,the   
one with whom ,i deal is accounted my   
inferior4 ,or ,gentlemanliness8 ,to call
 a young fellow a gentleman makes his   
heart throb4 ,yet the word does not     
escape a certain limitation4 ,it uses   
the standard of a particular set1 8our  
crowd40 ,if my conduct does not accord  
with their usages1 ,i am not a          
gentleman4 ,the word lacks universality4
  ,by such questionable terms our       

language names the beautiful relation ,i
 am now to set forth4 ,since ,manners is
 on the whole the least stained word    
among them1 the one most nearly neutral1
 ,i adopt it1 but ,i shall read into it 
much more meaning than people generally 
intend4 ,to cover its full meaning ,i am
 obliged to frame a statement so        
burdened with details that it will      
hardly be recognized as anything        
commonly called ,manners4 ,but it shall 
be explained clause by clause1 and ,i   
ask my reader to watch whether ,i have  
introduced anything into it which might 
be omitted or omitted anything which    
should have been introduced4 ,the       
definition runs thus3 ,by ,manners ,i   
mean such a voluntary conformity to a   
code of conduct as1 within a fixed field
 of intercourse1 insures to each person 
the least offense and a due opportunity 
of self-expression4 ,four elements are  
here named as belonging to ,manners4 ,i 
will take them up separately and in     
order4  ,in the first place ,manners    

assume a settled code1 a social         
arrangement generally agreed to4 ,they  
are essentially systematic1 not         
impulsive and incidental4 ,an           
exclamation of joy uttered when ,i am   
happy may or may not be consistent with 
good manners4 ,that depends on how fully
 it has been rationalized4 ,i am        
expected to act to-day as ,i should wish
 to act to-morrow4 ,expression must keep
 in view the whole personality4         
,moreover1 ,i must know how other people
 act and bring my action into measurable
 conformity with theirs4 ,if ,i am      
frequently doing what nobody else does1 
,i am sure to be thought rude4 ,i am    
expected to understand what the social  
code demands4 ,perhaps the word 8code0  
is too formal4 ,it pictures a committee 
drawing up a plan of behavior4 ,of      
course no such committee exists4 ,yet an
 agreement there has been1 a tacit      
understanding1 of how we are to behave  
to one another4 ,any one ignorant of    
this understanding1 or neglectful of it1

 is reckoned boorish and unfit for      
mannerly intercourse4 ,that usage and   
not my own liking should direct my      
bearing toward others4 ,to do something 
just because ,i like to shows me        
uncivilized4 ,my commonest actions      
should be socialized4 ,they are expected
 to express something more than my      
separate self1 namely1 my conjunct self1
 showing accordance with myself at other
 times and also accordance with the     
persons around me4  ,is it well or usual
 to have these understandings written   
down8 ,are manuals of manners useful1   
teaching us just how to behave in this  
and that situation8 ,such books exist1  
but ,i believe few would willingly be   
caught reading one4 ,formal codes are   
not what we want4 ,they are not fine    
enough4 ,they study moral situations too
 mechanically1 with too little regard   
for personality4 ,from them one might   
pick up a few useful warnings about     
certain bad habits not previously       
noticed2 but a man who followed such a  

manual exactly would nowhere be a       
welcome guest4  ,conformity to a        
standard1 however1 is far from the whole
 of manners4 ,were it so1 the place to  
find good manners would be the ,state   
,prison4 ,a clear code is established   
there4 ,each man is told precisely what 
he is to do throughout the entire day4  
,for that reason we are hardly justified
 in speaking of convict manners at all4 
,a prison permits no expression of the  
individual life1 and a second condition 
of good manners was 8voluntary          
conformity to a social code40 ,while    
every child should be trained to know   
how those who are wisest and kindest are
 accustomed to meet the little          
circumstances of daily intercourse1     
still that child's actions are worthless
 if they do not bear his own stamp4 ,is 
not this what we mean by a vulgar man8  
,his manners are not an expression of   
himself1 but of somebody else4 ,other   
men have obliterated him4 ,an evident   
copy is all that remains4 ,fine manners 

play around the correct modes1 departing
 from them here and there in little     
niceties4 ,so far is the code from      
fettering individuality that it becomes 
the channel for its easiest outgo4 ,a   
graceful gentleman is enviable in his   
freedom4 ,he is at home anywhere4 ,every
 situation has been thought out by      
society beforehand4 ,with its           
conclusions he has been long acquainted 
and in his own way swiftly adapts them  
to the delicate occasion at hand4 ,there
 is no surprise1 no awkwardness1 no loss
 of dignity4 ,the separate self is not  
altogether suppressed1 but is present   
everywhere in the service of the        
conjunct4  ,there appears in the        
definition1 however1 a phrase which     
clogs it3 8,within a fixed field of     
intercourse40 ,why is this necessary and
 what does it mean8 ,manners need to be 
adjusted to different occasions4 ,those 
that are suitable to the shop do not fit
 the evening party4 ,when we meet for   
the exchange of commodities or meet to  

exchange good wishes and general good   
cheer1 we approach one another from     
different angles1 and our manners should
 reflect them appropriately4 ,when again
 we meet for discussion1 the social     
situation is so peculiar that nothing   
less than a written code1 a ,cushing's  
,manual1 will insure freedom for all4   
,left to themselves1 each person would  
speak as often as feeling prompted4 ,but
 such rude manners are not allowed4 ,no 
one must speak without appealing to the 
chairman and receiving his permission by
 word or nod4 ,if a person opposing me  
in debate makes statements which strike 
me as absurd and intended to mislead1 ,i
 am not at liberty to characterize them 
so4 ,debate could not proceed on such   
terms4 ,every one must be respectful and
 conform to a parliamentary standard4   
,such a standard would be out of place  
in the home4 ,but much of the beauty of 
human intercourse arises from noticing  
these differences in the field and1 with
 full knowledge of what is customary1   

adapting our manners freshly to what the
 occasions require4  ,but readers will  
already be asking1 8,why all this pomp  
and circumstance8 ,what object can make 
us willing to accept such constraint    
instead of approaching one another as we
 happen to feel40 ,that object was the  
fourth point in my definition3 ,manners 
are accepted 8in order to insure to each
 person the least offense and a due     
opportunity for self-expression40       
,expression is dear to all4 ,at least to
 me it is always a pleasure to give     
another a piece of my mind4 ,this may   
not be a pleasure to that other4 ,if1   
then1 we are to be social beings1 there 
must be some security that when ,i am   
enjoying speech ,i cause no disturbance 
to others4 ,accordingly1 the chief      
object of manners is a negative one1 to 
avoid offense1 to put every one at ease4
 ,suppose the contrary2 suppose ,a4 ,b4 
asks me to meet a group of his friends2 
suppose ,i have a fancy for colored     
waistcoats and dress of fantastic       

design2 suppose me not inclined to      
subordinate my taste to that of others1 
but simply to dress as ,i please4       
,should ,i not come as an intruder and  
disturber1 preventing my fellow guests  
from thinking of anything but me8 ,i    
should not be invited again to that     
house4 ,to avoid such scenes we         
willingly accept a common costume1 which
 nobody was ever known to admire4 ,we go
 out in the evening garbed in black4 ,we
 know then what to expect1 securing     
ourselves against shock and curbing the 
self-asserter4 ,that turbulent ego is   
the chief obstacle to society4 ,better  
give up much that is of value if we can 
thus be brought to conduct which shows  
consideration for all around4  ,the     
other part of the aim of manners1       
self-expression1 is subordinate though  
desirable4 ,living alone1 we are small2 
in contact with our fellow men1 we      
enlarge ourselves4 ,trouble is worth    
taking for such a purpose4 ,but there   
are dangers4 ,society is possible only  

where mutual consideration is shown4 ,to
 be a social person one must be         
altruistically minded1 continually      
studying another's comfort4 ,i am       
talking with two or three old friends   
about some experiences of our youth1    
when ,john ,smith joins us4 ,we go on   
talking1 and soon all the company except
 ,john ,smith bursts into laughter4 ,he 
naturally feels shut out and we perceive
 that we have been rude4 ,manners are   
devised to stop such painful feelings4  
,we leave outside social walls whatever 
cannot be shared by all alike4  ,i have 
been expounding here something so       
familiar that it is seldom mentioned or 
even thought of1 but is usually taken as
 a matter of course4 ,yet surely it is  
important to perceive how wide is the   
extent of altruism4 ,it is nothing      
occasional1 calling for exceptional     
heroism4 ,it is commonplace1 spread all 
around us1 attending the most elementary
 processes of existence4 ,we never      
approach one another as separate beings1

 but are called on wherever we meet to  
put each other at ease1 whatever may be 
the cost to ourselves4 ,well does       
,bentham write3 8,good breeding is that 
deportment on occasions of inferior1    
and1 when separately taken1 of trivial  
importance by which those acts are      
abstained from which give annoyance to  
others4 ,it is to this negative or      
abstinential branch of benevolence that 
most of the laws of good breeding are to
 be referred40 ,christ in offering the  
,golden ,rule seems not to be urging    
unusual conduct1 but rather to suggest  
that we carry out consistently and as a 
plan of life a principle inwrought into 
the very structure of our being4 ,we are
 made conjunctive4 ,any attempt to      
exhibit the varieties of altruism must  
take this beautiful fact as its         
starting-point4  ,no one has set forth  
more clearly the scope and delicacy of  
manners than ,adam ,smith in those      
chapters of his ,moral ,sentiments which
 treat of ,propriety4 ,he asks what     

feelings may properly be expressed in   
company and what others1 equally        
natural1 the well-mannered man          
suppresses4 ,the general principle is   
that those which have their root in     
specific circumstances of the           
individual1 as1 for example1 the        
physical experiences1 should be kept in 
the background4 ,a gentleman does not   
talk of his toothache or recent cold1   
nor does he show his strong appetite at 
table4 ,while recognizing that all may  
properly be interested in his intended  
marriage1 he dwells on the intensity of 
his affection only to the lady herself4 
,these are matters relating to the      
separate self1 while manners give       
expression only to what all can share4  
,our ardent personal passions1 even when
 entirely justified1 often need to be   
flattened down before they can be fit to
 express4 ,manifestations of the social 
passions1 kindness and pity1 are seldom 
improper4 ,these give a double          
opportunity for sympathy4 ,we share the 

feelings both of the sufferer and the   
humane speaker4 ,but the emotions that  
terminate in ourselves1 like joy and    
grief1 require care4 ,on the whole1     
,smith thinks we may count on sympathy  
with our small joys and large griefs4   
,happiness is something delightful to   
share1 at least until it becomes so     
great as to awaken envy4 ,and though it 
is disagreeable to hear of petty        
annoyances1 which a gentleman passes    
lightly by1 serious misfortune is so    
much a part of the common lot that all  
will sympathize in hearing of it and be 
pleased that they have in this instance 
escaped4 ,the death of a relative may   
not improperly put its mark on our very 
clothing1 but it is indecent to speak of
 our vexations from servants and        
children4  ,here1 then1 we see human    
society reposing on a widely distributed
 and systematized altruism4 ,mutual     
consideration is here the rule4 ,the    
apostle states it admirably3 8,look not 
every man on his own things1 but every  

man also on the things of others40 ,the 
separate self is allowed no place2 the  
conjunct self is the only person        
recognized4 ,surely1 any one who        
undertakes to examine the varieties of  
altruism must begin with these beautiful
 and little-noticed moralities4  ,begin1
 but not end here4 ,for while ,i believe
 all that has thus far been said is     
true1 ,i see so much else to be true    
that ,i devote a section of this chapter
 to a criticism of manners4 ,wherein do 
manners fail to embody altruism         
completely8 ,in three respects3 they are
 trivial1 self-protective1 and          
enfeebling4 ,the study of these         
deficiencies will show us the way to    
altruism of a higher kind4  ,the        
triviality of manners requires no long  
demonstration4 ,all must have felt it   
and1 probably enough1 have been         
surprised at my counting such matters   
deserving of a place in a serious       
ethical discussion4 ,it is as if ,i had 
devoted a section to brushing the hair4 

,many things more or less connected with
 the comfort of daily life we do not    
talk or think much about1 and such are  
manners--never good until they become   
instinctive4 ,they express merely our   
superficial relations with our fellows1 
our outward behavior1 our acts and not  
our motives4 ,the man of considerate    
manners may be inwardly considerate1    
too2 but he may be the very reverse and 
have shaped his conduct with a view to  
social success4 ,indeed1 it may truly be
 said that manners become more prominent
 as the occasions of human intercourse  
diminish in importance4 ,organized      
8society10 in which manners flourish1 is
 treated as of little consequence by the
 sober body of the community4 ,this1    
then1 is the first defect of manners    
when regarded as an embodiment of       
altruism3 they are of limited range and 
do not necessarily involve the whole    
man4  ,but they are open to a graver    
objection4 ,they are fundamentally      
self-protective4 ,if my first account of

 them were the whole truth1 society     
people would be the least selfish of    
mankind4 ,that is not their reputation1 
for manners are1 after all1 grounded in 
distrust of our fellow man4 ,i said that
 the chief aim of manners was to avoid  
offense2 that is1 we anticipate being   
offended when we meet1 and take         
precautions against it4 ,the need of    
such precautions against the turbulent  
ego ,i have shown already4 ,until ,i can
 be sure that people will not shock me  
by tasteless attire and heavy talk1 that
 they will not unload on me what        
concerns only themselves1 that they will
 not be tedious1 didactic1 or intrusive1
 in short1 that they will be trained to 
play the social game for general        
enjoyment rather than individual gain1  
,i shall keep away from company4        
,manners express these doubts4 ,they    
preserve an interval between me and     
those who might press too near4 ,emerson
 says of them that they are a           
contrivance of the wise for keeping     

fools at a distance4 ,no doubt they may 
also express affection and pleasure in  
humankind4 ,i only assert that this is  
not necessarily their meaning4 ,they may
 be mere social safeguards1 restraints  
to which each of us submits in          
,hobbistic fashion in order to protect  
ourselves4  ,but there is one further   
point in our disparagement of manners4  
,he who accepts the code1 indorses1 and 
practises it1 finds himself in the long 
run enfeebled4 ,accordingly1 a healthy  
nature is always a little restive under 
manners4 ,the child rebels against being
 taught how to behave4 ,he wants to     
behave as nature prompts4 ,when full of 
glee he would laugh aloud1 but is told  
that loud laughter in company is not    
proper4 ,is there not danger that the   
continual check which manners put on    
exuberant nature may1 in the process of 
rubbing off social excrescences1 rub off
 much of nature too8 ,how large will be 
the 8due opportunity for                
self-expression0 in a society whose     

prime aim is 8the avoidance of offense08
 ,it must be remembered that checking   
expression checks thought4 ,we do not   
develop strong interests when moving    
among those who stare if we mention     
them4 ,in company1 people may grow      
quick1 clever1 neat in repartee1        
compliment1 and paradox1 but they do not
 become reflective1 solid in judgment1  
distinctive in individual taste4 ,such  
things come more readily in isolation4  
,it is wise advice ,george ,herbert     
gives3      8,by all means use sometimes
 to be alone4     ,salute thyself4 ,see 
what thy soul doth wear4     ,dare to   
look in thy chest1 for 'tis thine own1  
,and tumble up and down what thou       
find'st there4       ,who cannot rest   
till he good fellows find       ,he     
shuts up house1 turns out of doors his  
mind40  ,the fact is that in bidding us 
all the time to be regardful of others1 
manners make too sharp a division       
between the conjunct and the separate   
self2 and it is disastrous to each to be

 set up to the exclusion of the other4  
,in detachment the conjunct self grows  
empty1 the separate self surly and      
brutish4 ,they belong together4 ,when   
either has been unduly emphasized1 it is
 wholesome to give the other a chance4  
,society1 the special field for the     
cultivation of manners1 would soon be   
sterile soil were it not abandoned      
during lenten intervals and summers in  
the country4 ,after meeting a multitude 
of people and being obliged to adjust   
ourselves to only such matters as all   
can understand1 what a relief it is to  
be in the open fields1 social           
conventions dropped1 responsibilities   
forgotten1 and no regard for others     
marking our words1 acts1 or dress6  ,and
 now we see why all the words which name
 the ingenious system of man's best     
approach to man contain a tinge of evil4
 ,every one is a disparaging term1      
though meant for praise4 ,politeness1   
courtesy1 good breeding1 propriety1     
decency1 civility--manners is the best  

of the long list1 for it states with    
less of praise or blame the mutual      
consideration expected whenever person  
meets person4 ,but it is not altogether 
clean4 ,it lingers on the outside and so
 suggests triviality1 suspicion of our  
neighbor1 and the enfeebling of         
originality4 ,that these baser qualities
 are not inherent in manners is true    
enough4 ,a well-mannered man may have a 
friendly soul4 ,but he may have one of  
an opposite sort4 ,manners1 therefore1  
though altruistic in form1 are not      
necessarily altruistic in matter4 ,they 
can1 accordingly1 be regarded as only   
the beginning of our inquiry4 ,no human 
society1 it is now evident1 can be      
formed without recognizing the          
altruistic principle2 but in manners    
that principle may be employed as       
naturally for an egoistic as for an     
altruistic purpose4 ,what we are in     
search of is a situation in which a man 
sincerely prefers another's good to his 
own4     ,,chapter ,,iii  ,,gifts       

,such a higher stage of altruism is that
 which ,i have called ,gifts4 ,when we  
give1 we set ourselves in a low place   
and some one else in a high1 so         
intentionally putting altruism into the 
matter of our action and not merely into
 its form4 ,a definition of giving would
 therefore run as follows3 the          
diminution by ourselves of some of our  
possessions1 pleasures1 or opportunities
 for growth1 so that another person may 
possess more4  ,every gift1 to be a real
 gift1 must cost the giver something4   
,when ,i have just received an          
unexpectedly large payment and am       
feeling particularly well off1 ,i might 
easily take pleasure in handing a       
half-dollar to a beggar4 ,but that is an
 amusement1 not a gift4 ,i have         
experienced no loss4 ,for both money and
 beggar ,i cared little1 but the        
momentary sense of munificence was      
agreeable4 ,the act was one of pride    
rather than generosity4 ,on the other   
hand1 ,i give a friend a book ,i love1  

one that has deeply influenced my life  
and ,i hope may influence his4 ,he has  
no means of obtaining a copy elsewhere4 
,i shall miss it1 no doubt4 ,but        
remembering how long ,i have had it1 and
 he not at all1 ,i resolve to impoverish
 myself for his enrichment4 ,the moment 
,i hand it to him he becomes the rich   
man and ,i the poor4 ,all ownership on  
my part ceases4 ,i have cut myself off  
from something valuable in order to     
bring about a certain superiority in    
him4 ,that is the essence of a gift4 ,to
 make my friend large ,i make myself    
small4  ,it may be said1 however1 that  
such damage to the giver is unnecessary4
 ,completer giving would be that where  
the receiver makes up to me my loss4    
,but would not my act under such        
conditions cease to be a gift8 ,it would
 become an exchange1 a trade1 a bargain4
 ,whether a wise trade or a foolish1    
there was calculation directed to       
keeping me as well off at the close of  
the transaction as at the beginning4 ,on

 that account no one will call it a     
gift4 ,or if1 again1 ,i expect          
positively to profit by what ,i offered 
my friend1 finding my bookshelves       
crowded and resolved to lead a simpler  
life1 my act once more will lack the    
quality of a gift4 ,wisely ,i rid myself
 of some superfluous possessions1 but ,i
 did so quite as much for my own        
advantage as for that of my friend4 ,it 
is true that often in whole-hearted     
giving we find ourselves in the end     
richer than before4 ,but that was not   
contemplated4 ,what we sought was       
impoverishment for another's gain1 and  
it is that purpose which constitutes a  
gift4  ,as regards what is given1 a few 
words may be well4 ,all gifts are not of
 the same grade4 ,in thinking of them we
 generally have in mind parting with a  
piece of property4 ,but this is the     
slenderest of gifts4 ,accordingly in my 
definition1 side by side with           
possessions1 ,i named a superior sort of
 gift1 pleasures4 ,to detach a pleasure 

from myself for another's sake1 and to  
succeed in the difficult business of    
transferring it from my enjoyment to    
his1 is surely a larger gift than       
parting with a piece of property4       
,indeed1 even in giving an article1 ,i  
felt the pleasure involved in it to be  
the important matter4 ,having been      
pleased with it myself ,i trusted it    
would bring my friend pleasure too4 ,the
 article was a mere means1 a subordinate
 part of the affair4 ,could ,i convey as
 much pleasure without it1 the gift     
would gain in delicacy4 ,suppose then on
 a beautiful afternoon1 when ,i have    
been bending over my work all the       
morning1 ,i am offered a ride in the    
country4 ,a friend is standing beside   
me1 and to him ,i turn4 8,you take this 
seat4 ,i do not care to go4 ,you need it
 more than ,i40 ,and knowing full well  
the refreshment that will be had1 ,i    
persuade him to take my place4 ,here is 
a gift of a higher order than a mere    
piece of property4 ,its substance is    

taken more directly out of myself4  ,but
 there are gifts higher still1 for we   
may give sections of ourselves more     
important than pleasure4 ,i may allow   
myself to stagnate in order that my     
friend may grow4 ,in filling out his    
nature1 let him not merely use me2 let  
his use me up4 ,here altruism reaches   
its highest point in self-sacrifice4    
,yet instances of it are common4 ,in    
almost every home in the land something 
like this is going on4 ,in many         
households parents are saying3 8,that   
boy shall have the opportunities which  
we always longed for but could not      
attain4 ,he shall go to college4 ,a     
little pinching on our part will make it
 possible40 ,and so the boy goes        
joyously forth into an invigorating     
world1 provided by the narrowing life of
 those at home4 ,such gifts are         
incomparable4 ,they are gifts of        
life-blood4  ,or do ,i distort this     
consummate altruism by calling it       
sacrifice8 ,at least this should be     

added1 that true sacrifice never knows  
itself to be sacrifice4 ,joyously the   
parents send their boy forth and        
joyously accept their own narrow        
routine4 ,they do so feeling that he to 
whom they are giving their life is      
inseparable from themselves4 ,they have 
learned to merge their abstract isolated
 self in him and to conceive themselves 
as living the larger conjunct life with 
him in his new opportunities4 ,how      
exquisitely astonished are the men in   
the parable when called on to receive   
reward for their generous gifts6 8,lord1
 when saw we thee an hungered and fed   
thee1 or thirsty and gave thee drink8   
,when saw we thee sick or in prison and 
came unto thee80 ,they thought they had 
only been following their own desires4  
,here1 then1 giving seems to supersede  
itself1 the giver receiving quite as    
much as he bestows4 ,and some such      
paradox is unavoidable so long as the   
thought of self remains properly        
ambiguous4 ,our early ,english moralists

 saw no ambiguity in it4 ,they          
understood by self the abstract1        
unrelated individual4 ,they were        
consequently so puzzled by benevolence  
as often to deny it altogether4 ,in our 
age of social consciousness the puzzle  
has largely disappeared4 ,we see giving 
to be as natural as getting1 and hardly 
to be distinguished from it4 ,but it    
will be well before advancing to        
criticise the higher forms of altruism  
to fix firmly in mind some classic      
statement of the two conceptions and    
once for all to see how absurd each     
looks from the point of view of the     
other4 ,when our ,lord hung upon the    
cross the jeering soldiers cried3 8,he  
saved others2 himself he cannot save60  
,no1 he could not2 and his inability    
seemed to them ridiculous1 while it was 
in reality his glory4 ,his true self he 
was saving1 himself and all mankind1 the
 only self he valued4  ,giving has      
always impressed mankind as singularly  
noble4 ,indeed1 in the judgment of many 

it outclasses all other excellence and  
is the only human action to call forth  
reverence4 ,so nearly does generosity   
become identified with goodness that if 
,i should ask a man whether ,john ,smith
 was good to him yesterday ,i should be 
understood to ask if he gave unselfish  
attention to that man's affairs4        
,goodness in this sense1 the disposition
 to give1 will in the popular mind cover
 a multitude of sins4 ,in how many      
stories have past ages taken pleasure   
where the robber hero1 crafty1          
merciless1 and generous1 bestows upon   
the poor plunder taken from the rich4   
,the man ready to give1 whatever else   
his quality1 seemed to our ancestors    
always to deserve admiration4  ,we have 
become suspicious4 ,there is a          
disposition to-day to question this     
wholesale praise of giving and to       
suggest that it is not free from danger4
 ,instead of promoting public welfare1  
generosity may sometimes impoverish the 
community4 ,it may lead people to depend

 on others1 instead of standing on their
 own feet4 ,and what a general weakening
 follows6 ,the two classes into which   
society always tends to fall become more
 sharply contrasted--the rich1 amusing  
themselves from time to time with       
officious charity1 and the poor through 
accepting it steadily growing more      
helpless and cringing4 ,our fathers1    
less studious of society than we1 did   
not perceive these dangers1 but only the
 evils of selfishness4 ,they accordingly
 eulogized giving1 whatever and wherever
 it was4 ,if a man asks for your outer  
garment1 give him your inner one also4  
,give without calculating results4      
,against all this a reaction has set in4
 ,it is now insisted that giving should 
no more be freed from rational control  
than any other impulse4 ,it is too      
important a matter to be left to caprice
 and pursued merely to give the giver   
ease4 ,it should be scientifically      
treated4 ,the circumstances should be   
studied under which gifts may be        

permitted and under which withheld4 ,we 
should be clear about the proper grounds
 for giving4 ,simply because somebody   
takes pleasure in giving he must not be 
allowed that pleasure where it becomes  
detrimental to the community at large4  
,such are the questionings of our time4 
,in studying this high form of altruism 
,i cannot pass them by4 ,i may fairly be
 asked to indicate when it will be safe 
to open the hand freely and when we had 
better keep it somewhat closed4 ,as ,i  
try to classify the conditions of       
giving1 ,i notice that two are grounded 
in the nature of the receiver and two in
 the nature of the giver2 and in that   
order ,i will take them up4  ,obviously1
 the first condition to be considered is
 the receiver's assured need4 ,when we  
see need and have the means to check it 
we naturally spring forward and give    
with reference to that particular need4 
,if a man needs food1 ,i do not offer   
him a theatre ticket2 though if ,i found
 him worn with business and needing     

recreation such a gift would be         
appropriate4 ,this adaptation is the    
important matter in all true giving4    
8,find out men's wants and wills1 and   
meet them there10 says an old poet4 ,to 
give anything that happens to come into 
my mind is selfish and shows me         
unwilling to take trouble for another's 
sake2 that is1 ,i am shown to lack the  
very spirit of a giver4 ,the same       
considerations fix the magnitude of the 
gift4 ,a small amount given for a large 
need is often useless and exasperating2 
a large amount for a small need1        
wasteful and corrupting4 ,wise giving   
demands an obedient mind attentive to   
another's requirements and not          
head-strong in insistence on one's own  
way4 ,if there is any worth in giving1  
to keep that giving clear of waste and  
make it as effective as possible becomes
 an urgent duty4  ,i have already       
distinguished three varieties of gift3  
articles of my own possession1 pleasures
 which might be mine diverted to        

another1 and a means of growth imparted 
to another at my own cost4 ,these form  
successively higher stages of giving1   
the greatest gift of all being1 in my   
judgment1 the gift of growth4 ,curiously
 enough1 ,kant denounces this as        
immoral4 ,man1 he urges1 is a person1   
the only being1 so far as we know1 who  
is capable of self-development4 ,to     
attempt to take away this power and     
substitute another's developing agency  
is an intrusion4 ,a man's growth is the 
business of no one but himself4 ,if     
another person can scatter a pleasure or
 two in his path1 it is a worthy        
altruistic act4 ,but for any one but    
himself to undertake his construction is
 presumptuous and1 indeed1 impossible4  
,in building a house we use plastic     
material1 which has no will4 ,but a     
person is essentially active1           
self-directed1 and beyond the reach of  
agencies other than his own4 ,when we   
teachers offer to make our pupils wiser1
 we promise what we cannot perform4     

,ourselves we can make wiser4 ,to our   
pupils we can only offer material for   
their use4 ,we may tell them that by    
devoting themselves to study they will  
reach capacious lives4 ,but such lives  
we have no power to bestow4 ,if our     
suggestions are rejected1 we are        
helpless4 ,such is ,kant's extreme      
theory4 ,but has he gone far enough8    
,have ,i any more ability to impart a   
pleasure8 ,i certainly cannot pick up a 
pleasure and put it into another person1
 regardless of how it will be received4 
,there must be co-operation4 ,the       
receiver may turn it into either        
pleasure or pain4 ,kant's objection     
applies with nearly equal force against 
the giving of pleasures4 ,in both cases 
we merely provide material1 subject to  
acceptance or rejection1 material which 
has proved useful in many previous      
cases4 ,i give my friend a ticket to the
 theatre1 bidding him enjoy himself and 
get the refreshment he needs4 ,but ,i   
cannot be sure what he will get4 ,he may

 be bored and wish he had stayed at     
home4 ,there are great uncertainties in 
gifts1 for their receivers are indeed   
persons1 the least calculable of all    
beings4 ,a piece of property ,i can     
convey to a person with some certainty  
that he has received it4 ,but whether it
 will mean for him what it meant for me 
,i cannot tell4 ,in all the best affairs
 of life there is risk4  ,if the risks  
in offering opportunities of growth are 
somewhat greater than in the case of    
other forms of gift1 the need is greater
 too1 and the results1 if accomplished1 
more considerable4 ,arrangements for    
gifts of this highest sort are often    
properly made on a vast scale4 ,they    
include churches1 colleges1 schools1    
lecture-foundations1 museums4 ,these are
 all public agencies for promoting      
growth4 ,the private means are surer1   
family life4 ,yet here how often parents
 will offer gifts of an inferior sort1  
things or pleasures1 careless whether   
they meet the needs of growth4 ,the     

truest benefactor is he who is willing  
to disappoint or pain us if by so doing 
he can open doors for ampler powers4    
,our greatest need is for enlargement4  
,whoever contributes to that is our most
 beneficent giver4  ,but human need is  
only one of the two claims to gifts     
grounded in the nature of the receiver4 
,we should likewise pay attention to    
numbers4 ,if ,i have a loaf of bread to 
give away1 and all about me hungry      
persons stand1 ,i do wrong in handing   
half of it to one of them for a hearty  
meal and putting off the others1 equally
 needy1 with a small slice4 ,at the     
beginning ,i should have studied numbers
 and kept a fair distribution in mind4  
,in these days when every mail brings us
 three or four demands for subscriptions
 to excellent causes1 which we would    
gladly aid1 the question of distribution
 becomes perplexing4 ,we wish to make   
our gifts go as far as possible4 ,if we 
are hardy and dutiful1 we plan according
 to need and number2 if weak and        

compliant1 we meet each soliciting      
letter with a formal subscription1 just 
enough to be counted1 and feel ourselves
 discharged from a difficult problem4   
,in my own experience it has been       
helpful to readjust slightly the        
conception of number and to consider    
rather the scope of a gift4 ,many years 
ago a wealthy man in the ,west1 who had 
worked his way through ,harvard         
,university1 said to me that he knew    
there were many men at ,harvard of      
decided worth but unable to get the full
 benefit of the place through lack of   
funds4 ,he asked if he might leave a sum
 of money with me for their benefit4 ,i 
was not to disclose his name1 was to    
expend the money as if it were my own1  
selecting the recipients quietly through
 personal acquaintance and giving       
account to nobody4 ,i gladly assented   
and anticipated easy and delightful work
 in distributing bounty where need was  
abundant4 ,but ,i soon discovered that  
giving money away was about as difficult

 as earning it4 ,i was to make          
investments1 with returns in human power
 and character--called on therefore to  
exercise no less pains and sagacity than
 if the investment were for my own      
benefit4 ,i believe now that much of the
 money ,i at first gave away had been   
better thrown into the sea4 ,it did     
little good to the one who received it1 
and still less to the public4 ,i was too
 tender-hearted and fixed my mind too   
exclusively on the hardships of some    
particular student4 ,pity is dangerous  
stuff for a charity administrator4      
,gradually ,i learned that my true      
object of consideration should not be   
the individual student but the          
community4 ,through the student ,i was  
to give to the public4 ,and would that  
student be a good transmitter8 ,that    
became my constant question4 ,in        
studying how my gifts might get the     
widest scope1 ,i gradually formulated   
the maxim to help only the strong and   
let the feeble sink4 ,a merciless maxim 

it appears at first1 and always         
requiring subtlety in application4 ,but 
what right have ,i1 in investing        
property for the public good1 to ignore 
questions of return8 ,a powerful lawyer1
 doctor1 business man1 poet1 minister1  
or public-spirited citizen brings       
blessing to a multitude1 and ,i am      
allowed to share in the shaping of that 
blessing4 ,shall ,i withdraw funds from 
such a cause and invest them in stock of
 slender security and low interest1     
where they can at best only ease the    
discomfort of an individual8 ,that would
 be to overlook the scope of my gift4 ,i
 used to tell my boys that the aid was  
not intended for their relief1 but for  
the relief of society to which they must
 carry forth heightened powers4 ,and    
this1 ,i think1 should be the method in 
all charitable outlay if we would give  
to limited means the broadest range of  
influence4  ,these1 then1 need and      
numbers or scope1 are the conditions of 
giving so far as the receiver is        

concerned4 ,by studying them we learn   
how to proportion our gifts4 ,two more  
remain1 equally important1 grounded in  
the nature of the giver4 ,they are his  
ability and his knowledge2 but the      
former1 like number1 will oblige us to  
examine it from a twofold point of view4
  ,that we are to give only according to
 our ability seems almost too obvious to
 state2 yet it is something we must     
never lose sight of4 ,in making this    
gift shall ,i have enough left for that8
 ,that is our constant question4 ,in    
answering it ,i see that ability is only
 another name for an already accumulated
 wealth4 ,if our ability to give is to  
be large1 we must in past time1 before  
the demand arose1 have accumulated      
stock1 in which accumulation we are     
likely to receive small approval from   
anybody4 ,spending is showy and         
interesting4 ,it has a liberal air which
 all commend4 ,while engaged in it we   
shall not lack those who will cheer us  
on4 ,but saving is repulsive and        

suspicious1 seldom calling out praise2  
yet it is an absolute essential of      
subsequent giving4 ,the wealth          
accumulated may be of many kinds--money1
 learning1 sound judgment--but it must  
be gathered in the dark1 before the     
demand for its use becomes clear4 ,how  
humiliating1 when need arises and the   
disposition to aid is upon us1 to look  
into our treasury and find it empty6 ,a 
perplexed soul turns to us for wise     
counsel and we are obliged to tell him1 
if we are honest1 that we have never    
trained ourselves in careful thought and
 should only mislead him by random      
suggestions4 ,preparation beforehand for
 the numberless occasions of giving is  
the perpetual business of the generous  
mind4 ,so1 at least1 thought ,jesus4    
8,for their sakes ,i sanctify myself40  
,other persons1 ,i said1 are little     
likely to assist us here and are perhaps
 justly suspicious4 ,accumulation is    
likely enough to be prompted by         
selfishness4 ,when a man withdraws from 

his fellows every day to his study or   
store1 and isolated there with his own  
interests regards little besides        
inflowing wealth1 he certainly looks    
self-centred1 may actually be so1 and   
should by no means complain if          
misunderstood4 ,being misunderstood is1 
after all1 not unhealthy4 ,without      
exposing ourselves to that risk few of  
us can reach our full power of          
altruistic service4 ,we need to train   
ourselves for kindness in the long run1 
with some carelessness as regards the   
conflicting short4  ,i have been        
pointing out how largely our ability to 
give depends on an already accumulated  
wealth4 ,but into ability enters one    
thing more1 tact4 ,without a good supply
 of this1 giving irritates and misses   
its mark4 ,but tact is a word of evil   
omen and has such synonyms as slyness1  
adroitness4 ,i am supposed to adjust    
myself to the peculiarities of somebody 
in order securely to gain what he would 
be little disposed to give4 ,i have     

studied the windings of his mind and    
know just the side on which to approach 
him4 ,i set myself in the very best     
light1 play on his weaknesses1 and      
skilfully obtain much which in his      
unmanaged moods he would never think of 
granting4 ,well1 tact is often exercised
 in this self-seeking fashion4 ,but that
 is because it is a great power1        
egoistic or altruistic4 ,it may be      
employed with either aim4 ,a good giver 
needs it no less than a selfish schemer4
 ,how many would-be givers do we know   
who come blundering up with gifts and   
drop them upon us in a way which utterly
 shocks and makes us unwilling to       
receive them4 ,others have taken some   
trouble to be kind1 have acquainted     
themselves with our circumstances1 have 
been able to outflank our delicacies and
 hesitations1 and so to make their gift 
received with the least sense of        
intrusion or obligation4 ,what an       
exquisite fine art giving may be1 and   
how it increases altruistic power6 ,but 

it is acquired with effort and will be  
effective only after it has become      
instinctive4 ,as in the case of wealth1 
the gaining of it must not be postponed 
to the time when it is needed4 ,that    
will bring merely awkwardness and       
disappointment4 ,it must be accumulated 
beforehand4 ,one desiring altruistic    
skill should be training himself        
perpetually3 as he walks the street1 as 
he meets an acquaintance1 as he enters a
 shop1 as he sits at table4 ,every      
situation affords opportunity for       
swiftly sympathetic adjustment1 for     
removing self-absorption and            
substituting for it that generous       
imagination without which no gift is    
acceptable4 ,a well-equipped giver1     
putting himself imaginatively in the    
other man's place1 perceives at once how
 his gift may be most easily received4  
,but besides ability1 with its two      
branches of wealth and tact1 there is a 
final condition grounded in the giver1  
that of knowledge4 ,of course1 we cannot

 give properly unless we understand the 
case1 and the larger our understanding  
the greater is our obligation to aid4   
,these simple truths illuminate some    
moral perplexities4 ,i read a while ago 
of a famine in ,china4 ,crops had failed
 and there was wide-spread suffering4   
,tragic tales were reported4 ,in the    
next column of the paper was an account 
of airplane construction4 ,i found both 
columns interesting4 ,the same day a man
 ,i knew broke his leg4 ,an awful       
affair6 ,i hurried to his bedside and   
could think of nothing else than how ,i 
might help4 ,then it occurred to me how 
disproportioned were my sympathies4     
,thousands of squalid deaths on the     
other side of the globe made a          
spectacular newspaper item4 ,a broken   
leg next door engrossed me and called   
out all my resources4 ,we have all had  
the experience and1 on first reflection1
 have called ourselves selfish brutes4  
,but ,i believe that is an error4       
,helpful sympathy waits on knowledge and

 proportions itself by this rather than 
by objective need4 ,the sufferings of   
,china are known to us only abstractly  
and in outline1 and only in outline can 
our sympathies be accorded4 ,but a case 
which comes under our immediate         
inspection1 disclosing all its          
significant details1 is a different     
matter and lays upon us a claim of      
giving which the other rightly does not4
 ,nearness counts4 ,knowledge heightens 
obligation4 ,i would not defend         
absorption in our narrow circle4 ,i have
 just been urging the constant          
enlargement of sympathetic knowledge4   
,but we should never ignore the fact    
that the unknown is not as the known and
 that only in proportion as we know can 
we advantageously help4  ,through       
overlooking these necessary limitations 
of human sympathy the ,stoics were led  
to denounce patriotism4 ,we should honor
 man as man4 ,why1 then1 regard an      
,american sufferer more than a ,chinese8
 ,because he is my countryman4 ,but that

 rests philanthropy on selfishness and  
makes the needy person's relation to me 
of more consequence than his suffering4 
,the notion of patriotism which         
masquerades as a virtue should be       
denounced as a vice4 ,all will recognize
 in such an argument a valuable protest 
against narrowness4 ,but few will accept
 the principle on which it rests4 ,all  
men are not alike4 ,relation to me does 
constitute a special moral claim4 ,shall
 ,i treat my mother as ,i would any     
other old lady1 as the apple woman at   
the corner8 ,i say no2 and the ground of
 different treatment ,i do not find in  
selfishness but in superior knowledge4  
,i have known my mother ever since ,i   
was born4 ,in early years she studied my
 needs and now she is my special charge4
 ,i comprehend what she requires in     
heart1 mind1 and person as ,i can       
comprehend those of no other woman4 ,it 
is at least uneconomical to lay aside   
all this equipment for service and give 
her only the care a stranger might      

receive from me4 ,the family tie means  
something4 ,the tie of country means    
something4 ,i know the habits of        
thought1 the half-conscious turns of    
feeling1 of my own people4 ,in          
understanding a person of another nation
 ,i go about so far1 and then run up    
against a brick wall1 beyond which all  
is blind4 ,this measure of possible     
understanding is the measure of duty4   
,knowledge forms one of the two         
conditions of giving grounded in the    
nature of the giver4  ,such are the     
conditions which the modern mind would  
set upon giving4 ,our fathers paid      
little attention to them4 ,giving was in
 their eyes the crowning virtue and they
 were unwilling to shut it within       
bounds4 ,wherever need appeared they    
urged one another to meet it with       
charity1 pretty indifferent to          
considerations of knowledge1 ability1 or
 social result4 ,the altruistic purpose 
was so admirable that it seemed to      
require no scrutiny in application4 ,but

 we are not content to leave anything   
uncriticised and have endeavored to     
rationalize even giving4 ,not altogether
 with success1 however4 ,on examining   
closely the conditions ,i have          
assembled1 certain inner conflicts will 
be noticed4 ,take1 for example1 the case
 of need2 when another's need is        
greatest my ability is least4 ,ability  
does not accompany need1 increasing with
 its increase1 but tends either to      
remain stationary or to fall behind as  
need grows4 ,a somewhat similar conflict
 is unavoidable between knowledge and   
numbers4 ,i have shown that as numbers  
grow large they become empty ciphers4   
,the mind cannot grasp their human and  
detailed significance4 ,regrettable as  
this fact is1 we had better recognize it
 as inevitable1 accepting as our        
particular charge those instances of    
need which lie sufficiently near for    
careful inspection and leaving the more 
vast and distant to be cared for by     
special experts1 supplied with our means

 but not our ignorance4 ,much of our    
best charity must be exercised by       
deputy4  ,the fact that gifts cannot be 
entirely rationalized suggests a doubt  
whether they can form more than a       
subordinate instrument for expressing   
altruism4 ,by what means can their      
defects be remedied8 ,to answering such 
questions the next chapter will be      
devoted4     ,,chapter ,,iv  ,,defects  
,,of ,,giving   ,a colleague of mine1 an
 excellent classical scholar1 received  
by bequest an admirable collection of   
,latin authors4 ,in the writers         
themselves1 in the choice editions1 and 
the appropriate bindings he took extreme
 pleasure4 ,when talking with him about 
them one day ,i asked what he intended  
to do with the books at his death4      
,would he have them given to another    
,latinist as fine as himself8 ,or would 
he have them go to some college library 
where any one might use them8 ,he said  
the question had often puzzled him1 but 
he had finally decided to send them to  

the auction-room4 ,they were books he   
had so much loved that he could not bear
 to have them fall into unappreciative  
hands4 ,if he gave them away1 what      
warrant had he that they would be       
prized8 ,if they were sold1 nobody would
 obtain one unless he were willing to   
get it by some sacrifice4 ,this was not 
a case where generosity could be        
trusted4 ,probably the matter could be  
more wisely settled by self-interest4   
,this instance makes evident the        
uncertain character of giving4 ,however 
superior in altruistic fulness gifts are
 to manners1 they are unfit1 unless     
supplemented by some other principle1 to
 form a practical rule of life4 ,let us 
examine them in detail and see wherein  
they fail to embody complete altruism4  
,in their very nature ,i find them to be
 exceptional1 irrational1 and           
condescending2 and ,i will briefly      
explain each of these points4  ,giving  
is occasional and fragmentary4 ,it      
cannot occupy a life4 ,the great body of

 our time and attention must be directed
 upon individual interests4 ,i rise in  
the morning after eight hours of sleep1 
go downstairs to breakfast1 take my walk
 for the needed morning exercise1 on    
returning look over my mail and the     
morning paper1 turn to my studies1 to my
 meals1 to calling on a friend4 ,it is  
all egoistic4 ,no doubt during the day  
,i am repeatedly summoned to attend to  
other people's affairs4 ,begging        
letters1 interruptions1 engagements of a
 public and business nature are not     
absent4 ,they intervene and stand out   
isolated in my egoistic day4 ,no doubt1 
too1 most of my occupation with         
myself--in sleep1 food1 exercise1       
study--is a necessary preparation for   
social service4 ,all ,i am urging is    
that social service cannot stand alone4 
,it requires a large individualistic    
background4 ,the care one gives to      
others is occasional1 one might even say
 exceptional4 ,in order to be able to   
meet it1 our primary and preponderant   

care must be given to ourselves4 ,such a
 thing as interest in altruistic giving1
 separate from personal gain and        
established as an independent guiding   
principle1 is altogether impossible4    
,only at intervals comes the generous   
act2 in general1 we are busied with our 
own affairs4  ,on this inseparability of
 egoism and altruism ,i received        
excellent instruction many years ago out
 of the mouth of babes and sucklings4 ,a
 couple of little children1 a girl of   
four and a boy of five years old1 had   
just been tucked into their beds4 ,their
 mother in the next room heard them     
talking4 ,listening to learn if they    
needed anything1 she found them         
discussing one of the vast problems for 
which the infant mind seems to have a   
natural affinity4 ,they were inquiring  
why we were ever put into the world4    
,the little girl suggested we might have
 been sent here to help others4 8,why   
no1 indeed1 ,mabel10 was her big        
brother's reply4 8,of course not2 for   

then what would others be here for80    
,pertinent reflection1 putting the      
answer to one-sided altruism into a     
nutshell6 ,if our own affairs are       
worthless1 why suppose they can be of   
worth to others8 ,it is no kindness to  
bestow on another what has never been   
found good for ourselves4 ,a gift should
 cost something4 ,something properly    
valued by us we part with for another's 
sake4 ,a strong egoistic sense1 then1 is
 a condition of altruistic action4 ,the 
latter cannot cover the whole of a life4
 ,no man is benevolent all the time1 but
 exceptionally1 at intervals1 when      
regard for himself may safely be        
withdrawn4  ,a graver defect of giving  
is its arbitrary character4 ,our        
reformers have been attempting to       
rationalize charity and certainly have  
devised methods by which some of its    
worst evils may be lessened4 ,but until 
they stop it altogether they will not   
rid it of irrational wilfulness4 ,one   
would say that in kind and degree my    

gift should answer another's reasonable 
claim4 ,but it never does4 ,a just claim
 renders a gift impossible4 ,gifts come 
from a region outside claims1 outside   
rational justification4 ,they are the   
expression of arbitrary will4 ,i give   
because ,i want to1 and the other knows 
he has no right beyond my inclination to
 what he is receiving4 ,were there      
legitimate grounds for my pretended gift
 it would be merely the payment of a    
debt and would afford no such pleasure  
as does the over-and-above of a gift4 ,a
 clerk may have satisfaction in his     
salary1 but his feeling on receiving his
 employer's gift is something altogether
 different4 ,the gift dropped from the  
sky4 ,he had no idea it was coming4 ,he 
really had done nothing to deserve it4  
,others might have had it equally well1 
but by some fancy he had been picked out
 for enrichment4 ,it is this            
unexpectedness1 this incalculability1   
which makes a gift so good4 ,gifts at   
,christmas1 which have been             

systematized1 are of a paler order4     
,even in these there is usually         
uncertainty enough left to keep them    
agreeable4 ,our regular giver may decide
 to give elsewhere this year1 he may    
forget2 what he will select we cannot   
guess4 ,the important part of the gift  
is not its intrinsic worth but its      
expression of the giver's will4         
,gladness over the former springs from  
greed1 over the latter from gratitude4  
,this arbitrary will on the giver's part
 and the absence of claim in the        
receiver make a reasonable gift hard to 
conceive4 ,to be a gift at all it must  
be capricious1 undeserved1 and only     
occasional4  ,but there is a feature of 
giving more obnoxious than either of    
these two1 yet no less deeply rooted in 
giving than exceptionality and caprice4 
,a gift has always something disparaging
 about it4 ,it professes to honor1 but  
deep in the heart of it there is        
disparagement1 condescension at least4  
,i declare another to be better than    

myself1 preferring that he shall be the 
owner of something prized by me4 ,yet in
 reality ,i retain the superior position
 myself and make the one whom ,i honor  
my dependent4 ,rightly did ,jesus say3  
8,it is more blessed to give than to    
receive40 ,how could it be otherwise8   
,the giver is the wealthy man1 the man  
of power and preference2 the receiver   
confessedly the man of need1 passive to 
another's will4 ,the very attempt1 then1
 that ,i make to raise him up and       
provide him with something acceptable   
from my store sets him beneath me4 ,he  
lacks1 ,i abound4 ,at the very moment   
when turning to him ,i say3 8,i prefer  
you to myself and desire that you rather
 than ,i should possess this10 ,i am    
really also saying3 8,but by all right  
it belongs to me and ,i part with it as 
its and your superior40 ,however glad1  
therefore1 we may be to get our wants   
supplied1 a disagreeable taste is apt to
 lurk about the acceptance of a gift4 ,a
 good share of humility is required of  

one who will be an altogether happy     
receiver1 a contented inferior4 ,our age
 has discovered this and has grown      
restive over charity4 ,it would seem    
that in past ages those who lacked the  
things that make life worth living stood
 with outstretched hands to receive them
 from their rightful owners1 and that   
those who owned counted it a prerogative
 of their station thus to assist their  
inferiors4 ,but this humble attitude of 
the needy is disappearing1 together with
 many other traditions of aristocratic  
days4 ,our poorer classes now have too  
much self-respect to be at ease in such 
relations4 ,certainly the poor to-day   
are vastly better off than at any other 
period of the world's history1 yet never
 more discontented4 ,the new            
self-respect which has come with easier 
conditions makes them resent charity and
 dependence4 8,give us what belongs to  
us10 they seem to say4 8,we want no     
benevolence4 ,if a better living should 
be ours1 we will take it as of right but

 not by favor4 ,we stand on our own     
feet1 acknowledging inferiority to no   
man40 ,this rejection of charity on     
grounds of self-respect is not uncommon 
to-day4 ,i have met it in administering 
the little trust for the benefit of     
students of which ,i spoke4 ,and though 
,i do not altogether sympathize with it1
 ,i see in it much to honor4  ,such are 
the possible humiliations of the        
receiver4 ,but the giver is exposed to  
dangers hardly less4 ,his gifts may be  
selfish rather than generous4 ,few      
pleasures are greater than giving4 ,in  
it we feel our power and catch a sense  
of the creative efficiency of our will4 
,one often gives for the sake of        
indulging this self-assertion1 with     
small regard for the receiver4 ,then    
too1 while a true gift costs the giver  
something1 he who gives out of his      
abundance may hardly feel the loss1     
though feeling full well the glow of    
raising the helpless to prosperity4     
,that glow is by no means reprehensible4

 ,it is one of our purest pleasures4    
8,all earthly joys go less     ,to the  
one joy of doing kindnesses40  ,but it  
should not be reckoned as generosity4   
,should we not1 too1 in estimating the  
altruistic worth of gifts deduct the    
many seeming gifts which are prompted by
 shame8 ,when asked for a subscription1 
,i cannot well refuse and continue to   
hold my place in public esteem4         
,noblesse oblige4 ,one must pay for     
dignity4 ,it will not do1 then1 to      
assume that giving is always an         
altruistic act4 ,it may be4 ,yet even   
where it is genuinely addressed to      
improving the condition of some needy   
person1 the danger is not absent of     
lowering the independence of that other1
 of making him through our will our     
conscious inferior1 and accordingly     
implying disparagement in our very      
bounty4 ,if in giving we always keep the
 better end of the transaction for      
ourselves and hand the poorer to        
another1 few adjustments of social life 

will call for more tact4  ,yet we are   
all of us receivers and generally manage
 to be such without loss of dignity4    
,under what circumstances may we and may
 we not preserve our self-respect and   
still take money8 ,if a stranger passing
 me on the street hands me a five-dollar
 bill1 ,i should feel myself disgraced  
if it went into my pocket4 ,if one ,i   
did not know wrote from a distant ,state
 his enjoyment of a book of mine1       
enclosing a check1 ,i should return the 
check4 ,if finding a person in distress 
and helping him he offered me money1 ,i 
should refuse it4 ,independence is dear 
to most of us and we do not care to part
 with it on grounds so casual4 ,this is 
the condemnation of 8tipping10 that     
abominable practice introduced from     
countries more servile than ours4 ,it   
cheapens him who gives and him who      
takes4 ,i see only four occasions where 
the acceptance of money is compatible   
with manhood4  ,where misery is so      
abject that self-help is impossible it  

is no disgrace to confess inferiority   
and lean on a supporting arm4 ,only we  
must insist that as strength returns the
 arm be withdrawn4 ,permanent invalidism
 is an insidious danger4 ,the second and
 best accredited ground for taking money
 honorably is that of money earned4     
,here ,i give as much as ,i receive4    
,each of the two parties at some cost   
gets what he desires and each gives with
 reference to another's need4 ,no doubt 
there are degrees of dignity in the work
 done4 ,if as a physician ,i sell       
intellectual power and special          
knowledge1 ,i am naturally honored more 
than if as a day laborer ,i sell only   
physical exertion4 ,but work and wages  
are in themselves honorable1 so that if 
ten cents is of more consequence to me  
than getting my hands dirty1 ,i am not  
disgraced by blacking another man's     
shoes4  ,a third case is of almost equal
 importance1 though more complicated and
 more liable to error4 ,we may accept   
money in trust1 receiving it from an    

individual and returning its results to 
the public4 ,i have already spoken of   
this in connection with scholarship     
aids4 ,aids for advanced research1      
whether from the government or private  
foundations1 are of the same nature4 ,to
 be selected for such aid is a high     
honor1 justified1 however1 only by the  
receiver's proving himself a good       
transmitter4 ,he should regard the money
 as given not to him but through him and
 be sure that ultimately it reaches some
 mark other than himself4 ,this may be  
accomplished by returning an equal sum  
to the source from which the aid came1  
by helping some other person equally    
needy1 or by dedicating to public       
service powers raised by such aid from  
ordinary to superior rank4 ,equivalence 
should be brought about4 ,in some way   
the one benefited should put back what  
he has received4 ,if he allows it to    
stick in himself1 untransmitted1 he is  
disgraced4  ,i reserve to the last the  
completest ground of acceptance1 love4  

,where love is1 there is no superior or 
inferior1 no giver or receiver4 ,the two
 make up a conjunct self with mutual    
gain4 ,or shall we say that he who loves
 delights to think of himself as        
inferior1 prides himself on it1 and     
would be ashamed not to look up in      
glowing dependence8 ,to him1 therefore1 
gifts bring no disparagement1 but happy 
gratitude4 ,in such unabashed dependence
 most of us spent our early years4 ,and 
if as we grew strong fewer gifts of     
money came to us1 their place was taken 
by loving tokens more subtle1 more      
pervasive1 and coming from more sources4
 ,possibly we may say that only love and
 exchange make the taking of money      
permissible1 and that my first and third
 grounds are only special cases of these
 two4 ,it has been well said that there 
can be true giving only where the two   
parties ideally change places3 the giver
 so putting himself in the receiver's   
place that he feels the afforded relief 
a personal gain2 and the receiver       

sharing the pleasure which under the    
circumstances the giver must feel4      
,there is always1 however1 a difference 
in the way we accept what comes by      
exchange and what comes by love4 ,in the
 former our thought is fixed on what is 
received1 in the latter on him who gave4
  ,such are the characteristics of the  
second stage of altruism4 ,i proposed to
 study that great principle from three  
points of view which would show the     
successive steps by which1 without      
injury to the individual1 it goes on to 
completeness4 ,at the very beginning of 
life1 and ever after1 we are called on  
to pay attention to others and to       
subject ourselves to restrictions for   
their sake4 ,we find ourselves related  
or conjunct beings1 and on our frank    
acceptance of these relations our power 
and peace depend4 ,without the          
restraints of manners life would be1 as 
,hobbes said1 8solitary1 poor1 nasty1   
brutish1 and short40 ,but the           
ever-present altruism here is imperfect 

because primarily dictated by the desire
 to protect ourselves4 ,the separate    
self and the conjunct self are not      
necessarily united in manners4 ,the form
 of altruism may be kept for protective 
purposes when there is nothing of it    
within4  ,the next higher stage1        
however1 starts from within1 the giver  
seeking to promote another's welfare at 
the cost of his own4 ,but there is      
always uncertainty in accomplishing     
this2 it extends at best only to brief  
portions of life1 is impossible wherever
 rational claim enters1 and never       
escapes a suggestion of haughty         
disparagement4 ,the trouble in both of  
these stages is1 after all1 the same4   
,alter and ego have been conceived as   
distinct1 and getting has been separated
 from giving4 ,but surely this is       
unnecessary4 ,there are mutual          
situations in life where each of two    
parties is at once giver and receiver4  
,the single self may be entirely at one 
with the conjunct1 the conjunct with the

 single4 ,only so in mutuality can      
altruism become complete4 ,to explaining
 this curious situation ,i shall devote 
my remaining chapters4 ,but before doing
 so ,i wish to turn back and make       
atonement for a certain erroneous light 
in which ,i have placed these earlier   
stages4  ,when ,i was analyzing manners 
my readers must have felt that those are
 not the manners with which they are    
familiar4 ,they have never felt the need
 of barriers between friends or thought 
of manners as a protective agency4 ,nor 
in gifts have they come upon my         
perplexities4 ,giving and receiving have
 seemed to them matters usual and       
pleasant1 and no notion of superiority  
or inferiority has entered their heads4 
,no doubt this is a more frequent       
experience than that just described4    
,yet my account is correct and          
important4 ,it states the minimum of    
altruism which necessarily enters into  
manners1 what they are when taken by    
themselves and unaffected by any higher 

range of our being4 ,as soon as we      
become acquainted with giving1 it reacts
 on this earlier stage and fills it with
 new meaning4 ,egoistic elements are    
softened4 ,manners are used as an       
opportunity for tactful giving4 ,an     
atmosphere of kindness takes the place  
of restraint1 the formal manners ,i have
 described being reserved for formal    
occasions4 ,fortunately this higher     
civilization is now wide-spread4 ,yet we
 can still detect what ,i would call the
 guarded manners of some persons and set
 them in contrast to the generous       
manners of others4 ,people of guarded   
manners are ever mindful of their own   
dignity1 hold themselves somewhat aloof1
 and make much of punctilio4 ,those of  
generous manners are ready to spend     
themselves freely for the pleasure of   
those about them and seem able to save  
any occasion from dulness with their    
stores of information1 wit1 song1 and   
lively anecdote4 ,these persons look    
after those less accustomed to society  

and unobtrusively help them on4 ,but    
even their admirable work is exceeded by
 those accustomed to mutuality4 ,these  
give us no impression of wealthy persons
 imparting to us their stores4 ,their   
work is quieter4 ,their manners might be
 called friendly4 ,they set every one at
 ease and do not so much give as share1 
appearing as much interested in our     
affairs as we could be in theirs4 ,in   
their presence we are simpler1 cleverer1
 and less provincial than we had        
believed ourselves to be4  ,in a similar
 way1 under the influence of mutuality  
gifts become transformed4 ,condescension
 disappears4 ,the favor is on both      
sides4 ,a giver has enjoyed something so
 much that he wants his pleasure shared4
 ,will we take part with him8 ,there is 
no stooping1 no handing down to one     
below4 ,the two parties are on a level1 
joined in a mutual act4 8,will you do me
 the favor to accept this80 is both the 
language and the feeling of the giver4  
,matters of every-day life1 so familiar 

that we seldom reflect on them1 ,i have 
attempted in the preceding chapters to  
analyze with something like scientific  
precision4 ,by so doing ,i have turned  
them into almost unrecognizable         
abstractions4 ,in closing1 ,i should    
like to restore them to their rightful  
color1 and ,i have searched for a       
passage which might present the approach
 of man to man just as we daily see it1 
with an intimate blending of all three  
varieties of altruism--pure manners1    
giving1 and mutuality4 ,in a passage    
from the ,eighth ,discourse of ,cardinal
 ,newman's ,idea of a ,university ,i    
find what ,i want1 expressed in language
 of extraordinary refinement and        
accuracy4 ,it will be noticed what      
prominence he gives to the negative     
function of manners1 how in depicting   
generosity he sees the danger of        
condescension1 and how he finds the     
crowning excellence of manners in that  
self-forgetting mutuality which sets all
 at their ease4  8,the true gentleman   

carefully avoids whatever may cause a   
jar or a jolt in the minds of those with
 whom he is cast3 all clashing of       
opinion1 or collision of feeling1 all   
restraint or suspicion or gloom or      
resentment2 his great concern being to  
make every one at their ease and at     
home4 ,he has his eyes on all his       
company3 he is tender toward the        
bashful1 gentle toward the distant1 and 
merciful toward the absurd4 ,he can     
recollect to whom he is speaking4 ,he   
guards against unseasonable allusions or
 topics which may irritate4 ,he is      
seldom prominent in conversation and    
never wearisome4 ,he makes fight of     
favors while he does them and seems to  
be receiving when he is conferring4 ,he 
never speaks of himself except when     
compelled1 never defends himself by a   
mere retort2 he has no ears for slander 
or gossip1 is scrupulous in imputing    
motives to those who interfere with him1
 and interprets everything for the best4
 ,he is never mean or little in his     

disputes1 never takes unfair advantage1 
never mistakes personalities or sharp   
sayings for arguments1 or insinuates    
evil which he dare not say out4 ,from a 
long-sighted prudence he observes the   
maxim of the ancient sage1 that we      
should ever conduct ourselves toward our
 enemy as if he were one day to be our  
friend4 ,he has too much sense to be    
affronted at insults1 he is too well    
employed to remember injuries1 and too  
indolent to bear malice4 ,he is patient1
 forbearing1 and resigned on            
philosophical principles3 he submits to 
pain because it is inevitable1 to       
bereavement because it is irreparable1  
and to death because it is destiny4 ,if 
he engage in controversy of any kind1   
his disciplined intellect preserves him 
from the blundering discourtesy of      
better perhaps1 but less educated1 minds
 who1 like blunt weapons1 tear and hack 
instead of cutting clean1 who mistake   
the point in argument1 waste their      
strength on trifles1 misconceive the    

adversary1 and leave the question more  
involved than they found it40           
,,chapter ,v  ,,mutuality   ,we have now
 clearly before us the two imperfect    
varieties of altruism4 ,while both      
recognize and honor man's relation to   
man1 from neither is regard for the     
separate self excluded4 ,each may as    
well be prompted by an egoistic aim as  
by an altruistic4 ,for though in manners
 we minutely consider how we may save   
another from annoyance it is always with
 the understanding that we are thus     
ourselves protected4 ,nor does giving   
escape a similar self-regard4 ,we cannot
 make a gift without implying that the  
receiver has no right to it1 without    
bringing him into dependence1 therefore1
 on our will as his superior4 ,giving1  
too1 can only intermittently take the   
place of attention to our own good4 ,it 
would exhaust itself otherwise4 ,jesus  
is reported to have spent thirty years  
in acquisition1 less than three in      
benefaction4 ,indeed1 unless we heartily

 valued our own possessions1 pleasures1 
and growth we could never count them fit
 to constitute gifts4 ,it is not        
strange1 then1 that to the natural      
childlike mind manners are unwelcome and
 that to the disciplined reflective mind
 gifts are obnoxious4 ,it is true that  
these disagreeable features are softened
 as higher altruistic stages throw back 
an influence over the lower2 the mind   
disposed to give1 for example1          
transforming guarded manners into       
generous1 or even if trained in         
mutuality1 making them friendly and     
cordial4 ,in a similar manner1 where the
 conjunct self has taken the place of   
the separate the proud giver is         
superseded by the delicate giver4 ,but  
these facts only make plain the         
incompleteness of manners and giving    
when taken by themselves1 and           
demonstrate that altruism to be really  
known must be studied in that highest   
stage to which ,i have given the name of
 mutuality4 ,to this intricate and      

important study ,i now turn4  ,giving   
fails to reach the altruism it seeks    
because its generosity is confined to   
one of the two parties engaged1 while to
 the other is assigned the inferior     
position of egoistic receiver4 ,but is  
this necessary8 ,may we not conceive of 
a gift without this blemish1 a giving in
 which each side gives to the other1    
thus joining giving and getting1 and    
abolishing all inferiority8 ,to show how
 this may be ,i am obliged to enter into
 more detail than in explaining simpler 
moral situations4 ,i will1 accordingly1 
offer a general definition of mutuality 
and then take up the successively       
completer forms in which it is realized4
  ,by mutuality1 then1 ,i mean the      
recognition of another and myself as    
inseparable elements of one another1    
each being essential to the welfare of  
each4 ,this duality of giving has always
 been recognized as ennobling4 ,even    
,jesus did not seek simply to give1 but 
to induce in those to whom he gave a    

similar disposition4 ,rightly is it     
counted higher than simple giving1      
including1 as it does1 all which that   
contains and more4  ,such mutuality is  
most familiar to us in certain cases    
which for convenience ,i group together 
under the name of partnership4 ,in a    
partnership a specific field is marked  
out within which persons agree to       
consider certain of their interests     
common4 ,when ,brown and ,i form a firm 
for the sale of shoes it is understood  
that thenceforth he and ,i have no      
separate interest so far as shoes are   
concerned4 ,the stock in the store does 
not belong to him or to me2 and if some 
one seeing money in the drawer should   
ask whose it was1 ,i should have to     
answer1 8,it is not mine10 and ,brown   
would similarly disown it4 ,it would be 
ours4 ,all his would be mine and mine   
his4 ,usual thought and speech would    
require considerable readjustment to fit
 a condition so new4 8,i0 and 8he0 would
 pass largely out of use as no longer of

 practical significance1 8we0 taking the
 place of these separate symbols4       
8,together0 would acquire a more        
intimate and compulsive meaning4        
,accordingly1 if on some bright morning 
,i were inclined to go shooting instead 
of appearing at the office at my usual  
hour1 ,i should know ,i had no right to 
the sport without ,brown's concurrence1 
my time being no longer mine4 ,mutuality
 would everywhere supersede private     
control4 ,all this is familiar enough4  
,nobody finds it hard to comprehend4    
,but when the moralist urges that higher
 life is possible only as the separate  
self becomes merged in a conjunct1 it   
sounds mysterious and seems little      
likely to occur4  ,but the partnership  
principle is wider than the business    
firm4 ,in some degree it enters into    
every bargain4 ,buyer and seller        
establish a kind of mutuality4 ,suppose 
a customer on coming to my store and    
putting down his five dollars for a pair
 of shoes should suddenly bethink       

himself and say3 8,i wonder if you are  
not cheating me4 ,that pair of shoes    
cost you not more than four dollars and 
seventy-five cents4 ,by your price you  
are taking twenty-five cents more from  
my pocket than you are delivering to    
me40 ,might ,i not answer3 8,it seems to
 me it is you who are cheating me4 ,you 
need those shoes more than you need five
 dollars4 ,you would give five dollars  
and a quarter rather than go without    
them4 ,are you not1 then1 returning to  
my pocket twenty-five cents less than   
you are receiving80 ,in reality neither 
of us has cheated4 ,we have merely made 
a legitimate profit from one another4   
,such mutual profit is involved in all  
good bargaining4 ,it yields a double    
gain4 ,i gain from my customer and he   
from me1 and both are left in better    
condition than before4 ,if he had not   
cared more for the shoes than for five  
dollars he would not have come to my    
store4 ,if ,i had not counted five      
dollars of greater worth to me than the 

shoes ,i should not have parted with    
them4 ,a curious situation this1 where  
two persons draw advantage from one     
another6 ,but every sound commercial    
transaction proceeds on this assumption4
 ,in all honest trade there is a gainful
 partnership4  ,in my last chapter1     
after discussing gifts1 charity1 and the
 generous soul1 ,i promised to turn to a
 moral situation higher still1 one of   
purer altruism4 ,are we then keeping to 
the order proposed8 ,can we suppose that
 a commercial transaction is of a higher
 order than an act of charity8 ,i       
believe we can4 ,as we look over the    
history of civilization we certainly    
find gifts understood long before trade4
 ,the savage is a not ungenerous person4
 ,when he takes a fancy to any one he   
gives pretty freely1 not1 of course1    
through any claim or duty but merely in 
deference to his native feeling4 ,what  
he cannot conceive is the double gift1 a
 transaction in which each is a gainer4 
,he is ready enough to strip himself of 

advantage in behalf of one whom he likes
 and is pleased when he1 too1 receives a
 gift2 but that one and the same act can
 yield a mutual gain he apprehends      
slowly and rudely4 ,yet on just this    
condition of mutuality all honest trade 
is based4 ,it is true ,i must add the   
adjective 8honest40 ,one can deceive    
under the forms of trade as readily as  
under any other forms4 ,they shelter    
deception well4 ,in dealing with a      
customer ,i may have some special       
information about the quality of an     
article which he does not possess4 ,he  
is therefore at a disadvantage4 ,no one 
would maintain that all the operations  
of commerce are of a higher moral order 
than charity2 but it may be said that   
every honest mercantile transaction     
shows altruism of a more thoroughgoing  
kind than a gift does4  ,this may be    
made plainer by a contrasted vice4      
,living long among college students and 
observing their natural pleasure in all 
sorts of moral experimentation1 ,i have 

come to believe gambling the vice most  
likely to wreck character4 ,all forms of
 vice are bad enough4 ,it is shocking to
 see a young man drunk4 ,but drunkenness
 grows steadily rarer1 and1 after all1 a
 drinker remains pretty much himself    
when the fit is off4 ,i have had friends
 of this sort who when not in liquor    
showed the same interest in worthy      
things as other men4 ,but when ,i see   
the gambling habit getting hold of a    
young man ,i despair of him4 ,for       
several reasons it is unlikely he will  
be good for much thereafter4 ,seldom    
does a vice or virtue have only a single
 root4 ,on the one hand the gambler     
gives up rational modes of guidance1    
ceases to calculate clearly1 lives on   
the unexpected1 and looks for some      
deliverance to drop from the sky4 ,a    
hectic anxiety takes possession of him  
and disorganizes his life4 ,but there   
are results worse still4 ,gambling1 in  
contrast with honest trade1 admits only 
a single gain4 ,i can gain nothing for  

myself except by damaging another4 ,i   
must directly seek his harm4 ,the       
tradesman benefits himself through      
benefiting his customer4 ,his business  
is grounded on the double gain4 ,he     
draws profit1 it is true1 from another  
man's pocket1 but he does not1 like the 
gambler1 stop there4 ,he puts back into 
that pocket a little more than the      
equivalent of what he took out4 ,the    
gambler breaks up this mutuality and    
lives as a bandit by attack4 ,thus      
dehumanized and shut up to his separate 
self he rots4 ,when trade allows the    
double gain to drop out of sight1 it too
 becomes gambling and shows the same    
predatory tendencies4 ,honest trade is a
 different matter4 ,its mutual profit   
carries altruism through a community    
more wholesomely than can any arbitrary 
will4  ,but the partnership principle   
runs further still4 ,it is the cement   
which binds together a multitude of     
groups4 ,a ship's crew1 a regiment of an
 army1 stands in just this mutual       

relationship4 ,they represent the will  
of no one of their members1 yet no one  
must detach his will from the whole4 ,a 
sailor cannot withdraw to-day because he
 feels like reading1 a soldier because  
the coming attack is likely to cost his 
life4 ,under anarchic influence         
something like this was lately allowed  
the ,russian soldier1 and the army      
ceased to be4 ,it can exist only as a   
conjunct affair4 ,our ,states were once 
supposed to have established a ,union2  
but when ,south ,carolina set up a      
separate will1 regardless of the rest1  
chaos came4 ,how transformed the        
youngster is when he goes out with the  
baseball team6 ,he does not mind if he  
breaks his finger1 covers himself with  
dirt1 or becomes utterly exhausted4     
,what does it matter if only the team   
wins8 ,there is no longer any me4 ,he   
thinks in conjunct terms4 ,he will not  
shirk1 take himself away and leave the  
others to their harm4  ,how far can such
 a notion of partnership be carried8    

,evidently to all clubs whose members   
recognize themselves as also members one
 of another1 each forming no decisions  
of his own4 ,would it apply to churches 
and learned societies8 ,not altogether1 
,i think4 ,we have hitherto meant by    
partnership a terminable union of       
specified persons for a definite time   
and in reference to a definite end4 ,in 
scientific societies1 and especially in 
churches1 we do not limit numbers and   
usually expect the union to be a        
permanent one4 ,this indefiniteness as  
regards time and persons is no accident4
 ,it rightly belongs to unions like     
these1 which aim at developing          
personality4 ,a baseball team1 a ship's 
crew1 gather a specially trained company
 for a particular end4 ,when this end is
 attained the union naturally ceases4   
,science and righteousness are never    
attained1 but appeal without limitation4
 ,perhaps1 then1 such internal and      
personal associations should not be     
classed as partnerships at all1 but that

 notion should be reserved for unions of
 a more external and limited sort4  ,if 
,i am right in this1 it may help to     
explain the hesitation many readers must
 have felt over my eulogy of business   
methods as examples of altruism4        
,certainly we all know that commerce has
 a barbarous side4 ,nowhere else among  
civilized human beings does selfishness 
become so ruthless4 ,the possibility of 
this comes through two limitations which
 partnership sets on mutuality4 ,when   
,brown and ,i established our firm we   
limited the persons involved to himself 
and me1 and even we were to have        
relations only so far as concerned the  
sale of shoes4 ,within these two limits 
mutuality was complete1 but it did not  
extend beyond4 ,supported thus by one   
another1 we two were able to contend    
with the rest of the world as neither   
could alone4 ,together we could push our
 interests with little regard to the    
general interests of the town4 ,if other
 trades suffered1 we need not care so   

long as the shoe business flourished1   
and still less need we care if our      
prosperity crowded out of existence the 
shoe store on the opposite side of the  
street4 ,such clear limitation of an    
altruistic horizon is always dangerous4 
,in many restricted unions the danger is
 noticeable4 ,a family warmly           
considerate of its own members often    
shows small sympathy for persons beyond 
its bounds4 ,a ball club1 a secret      
society will practise trickeries on     
other leagues which their members as    
individuals would scorn4 ,in trade1 too1
 the matter is made worse by a second   
limitation4 ,my partner and ,i          
understand that our mutuality operates  
only with reference to the sale of      
shoes4 ,we do not merge our lives4 ,we  
keep a sharp line drawn between them and
 our business4 ,possibly enough ,i may  
have little respect for ,brown4 ,as a   
person ,i may think so meanly of him    
that when he suggests being asked to my 
house and meeting my wife and children  

,i find an excuse for not inviting him4 
,he is excellent so far as selling shoes
 is concerned1 but personal relations   
are quite another thing4 ,here again the
 narrowing of the field within which    
mutuality operates lessens its dignity  
and intensifies its aggressive power4   
,no wonder1 then1 we are apt to picture 
trade as a conscienceless struggle of   
competitors for private gain4 ,but the  
picture is disproportionate and         
erroneous4 ,savagery is possible here1  
but so is much else4 ,commerce has a    
deep ethical ground and wide ethical    
opportunities1 co-operation being as    
essential to it as competition4 ,it     
exists only through service to the      
community4 ,the mutual relations of     
partnership are constantly being        
extended1 single trades organizing to   
promote their common interests1 and     
chambers of commerce overseeing the     
business of a whole city4 ,those who    
engage in trade are no less human beings
 than their fellows and are continually 

discovering that honorable and          
high-minded methods of conducting       
business are in the long run profitable4
 ,the very competitions that arise are  
useful promoters of efficiency1 and the 
general government stands ready in the  
background to fix limits beyond which   
greed shall not go4 ,there are1 in      
short1 many circumstances in the life of
 trade which to a good degree neutralize
 the limitations which ,i have pointed  
out in its application of the principle 
of mutuality4  ,that principle1 too1    
runs far beyond the field of            
partnership4 ,partnership brings persons
 into mutual relations only with        
reference to certain external ends4     
,brown and ,i joined only those         
fragments of our lives which were       
connected with the sale of shoes4 ,we   
might join extensive portions1 might    
merge not merely our occupations but all
 our personal interests4 ,in him ,i     
might discover what contributes to my   
best growth and he find no less in me4  

,in this way we should reach a new      
species of existence to which the       
definition of mutuality previously given
 would apply in a higher sense4 ,i      
should here recognize another and myself
 as more completely constituent members 
of one another1 each being essential to 
the welfare of each4 ,here no new       
elements enter which were not included  
in partnership4 ,there as here          
identification of interests appears1 the
 abolition of mine and thine1 the double
 gain2 only here there is no restriction
 of the field4 ,the lives are identified
 throughout their full depth and extent4
 ,they do not merely collaborate for a  
specific purpose4  ,such is the attitude
 of love1 so familiar1 so mysterious1 so
 potent in developing whatever is best  
in us4 ,in it both egoism and altruism  
have ample room4 ,if ,i loved ,brown1 ,i
 should not hesitate to own that ,i     
sought him for my own advantage1 though 
,i should also bid him to take of me all
 he wanted--the more1 the better4 ,and  

,i should expect the same double        
response from him4 ,edmund ,spenser has 
stated the matter with great precision  
in his 8,hymn in ,honor of ,beauty03    
8,for love is a celestial harmony       
,of likely hearts composed of stars'    
consent1     ,which join together in    
sweet sympathy     ,to work each other's
 joy and true content1     ,which they  
have harboured since their first descent
     ,out of their heavenly bowers1     
where they did see     ,and know each   
other here beloved to be40  ,spenser    
intends by 8harmony0 what ,i have meant 
by mutuality1 something where several   
different parts belong together and     
reach their full significance in union4 
,if the two hearts are similar and each 
merely repeats what the other contains1 
there is no mutual profit4 ,they must   
fit one another1 and in this fitting    
there is always something of the        
unknown4 ,they cannot of themselves     
entirely create the union4 ,the 8stars' 
consent0 must be added4 ,heaven must    

shine upon them4 ,spenser even suggests 
that their adaptation to one another is 
not begun in this world1 but is merely  
recognized here as having been ever of  
old4 ,once known it brings them full    
content4  ,this1 then1 is the topic to  
which we now turn4 ,it is that which the
 ethical teachers of every age have     
counted fundamental4 ,with ,jesus it    
supersedes all else4 ,writers as unlike 
as the ,catholic statesman ,augustine1  
the ,jew ,spinoza1 the ,puritan         
,jonathan ,edwards see in love the      
fulfilment of righteousness4 8,love ,god
 and do as you please10 says ,augustine4
 ,it is something we all experience and 
few understand4 ,in it there are        
paradoxes not found elsewhere4 ,delicate
 analysis will be needed to bring out   
all that it involves1 to show1 too1 how 
even here limitations creep in4 ,to this
 puzzling and attractive work ,i devote 
the next chapter4     ,,chapter ,,vi    
,,love   ,in the ,symposium of ,plato   
,socrates is made to say that he can    

profess knowledge of only a single      
subject1 love1 but that through         
acquaintance with this he has a key to  
unlock all wisdom4 ,and certainly if    
,socrates understood love he deserves to
 be reckoned among the wise4 ,few have  
looked into it soberly4 ,to those who   
are not experiencing it1 it is a jest2  
to those who are1 a blind passion4      
,novelists exploit it for cash2 poets1  
on the whole its most serious students1 
too often for graceful fancies4 ,saint  
,paul's compact sentences give more of  
its substance than can be had in the    
same compass elsewhere4 ,in undertaking 
an analysis of it ,i believe ,i can best
 fix attention on its more important    
ethical features if ,i ask a series of  
simple questions about it and then      
develop their complicated answers4  7#a7
 ,how does love differ from liking8     
,quantitatively4 ,the degree of emotion 
expressed by love is out of all         
proportion to that of liking4 ,i love my
 friends and like their surroundings2 ,i

 like this gift and love the giver4 ,an 
exchange of terms in either of these    
sentences would make moral nonsense4    
,liking touches only the surface2 ,i    
like strawberries4 ,loving goes all     
through2 ,i love my old servant4 ,of    
course1 then1 loving includes liking1   
though liking may or may not be         
accompanied by loving2 and equally1 of  
course1 loose talkers1 who do not know  
what they mean1 will try to be          
impressive by using the weightier word4 
,i love automobiling1 ,i love the opera1
 ,i love ice-cream2 these are all forms 
of silly exaggeration which no one will 
seriously defend4  ,but there is a      
reason for this quantitative difference4
 ,an additional factor enters into love 
and greatly increases its depth4 ,love  
always implies the possibility of the   
loved one's knowledge and his capacity  
for response4 ,it is applicable         
therefore primarily to persons and the  
higher animals1 and only in a metaphoric
 way suits things4 ,no doubt the        

response often fails1 but it is always  
desired and sought4 ,love seeks to      
establish a personal tie4 ,no one ever  
loved without wishing to be loved4      
,furthermore1 between love and liking   
there is a sharp contrast of mental     
attitude4 ,in liking1 my thoughts are on
 myself2 in loving1 on another4 ,i like 
whatever brings me pleasure or profit4  
,but ,browning rightly asks3 8,how can  
one love but what he yearns to help80   
,that is1 what we love always seems to  
us to have such worth as calls on us for
 protection and the offering up of      
ourselves4 ,to the lover it appears     
august1 superior1 and supplemental to   
anything possessed by himself4 ,it fills
 him with awe and a spirit of sacrifice4
 ,spenser addresses his lady as 8,my    
dear dread40 ,there is nothing of this  
in liking4 ,our thoughts are there fixed
 on ourselves1 heedless of the condition
 of whatever furnishes us profit4 ,oxen 
we like1 because they supply our tables 
and till our fields4 ,what matter if in 

doing so they perish8 ,we tend the dog  
we love and do not let him be harmed in 
our service4 ,in short1 loving is our   
forthgoing toward one possessing a worth
 preferred above our own2 liking1 our   
feeling toward anything from which we   
derive benefit1 even though inferior in 
general worth to ourselves4  ,on account
 of this difference love cannot be      
confined to persons4 ,seeing a little   
girl tending her rose-bush and asking   
her if she likes it1 ,i shall probably  
receive the indignant reply3 8,no1 ,i   
love it40 ,she means3 8,i think as much 
about giving to it as of getting from   
it40 ,it would be improper to ask a     
painter1 a scholar1 if he likes his     
work4 ,if he follows it for gain he is  
untrue to it2 he can really succeed only
 when he loves it1 i4e41 gives himself  
heartily to it4 ,in many cases1         
therefore1 where profit is abundant1 it 
would be a kind of impiety to speak of  
liking4 ,i like my mother1 ,i like ,god4
 ,certainly6 ,none gives ampler ground  

for liking4 ,but for that very reason my
 mind should be set on the appropriate  
outgo in return4 ,however much the      
patriot may like his country1 i4e41     
recognize the opportunities it affords  
for life1 he loves it more4 ,perhaps in 
all these cases where impersonal beings 
are loved we inwardly attribute         
personality to them and feel that we    
receive from them as much love as we    
give4  ,for that is an essential in     
love3 it contemplates mutuality4 ,the   
loved one looks up to the lover as truly
 as the lover does to the loved4 ,each  
counts himself inferior and only through
 the other capable of possessing worth4 
8,she is my essence and ,i leave to be1 
if ,i be not through her fair           
influence10 says ,shakespeare's         
,valentine2 and had love reached its    
completion1 ,sylvia would have expressed
 no less4 ,this double action is        
characteristic of love1 while liking has
 only a single end4 ,if we will speak   
accurately1 then1 we shall acknowledge  

that the real object loved is neither   
member of the pair but just this        
mutuality1 the 8togetherness10 which    
blots out regard for any separate self  
and fills each with passion for the     
conjunct4 8,to the desire and pursuit of
 the whole the name of love is given10  
says ,plato in the ,symposium4 ,in his  
8,clasping of ,hands0 ,george ,herbert  
charmingly develops the puzzling        
reciprocity of love when he tries to    
comprehend his relation to ,god3        
8,lord1 thou art mine1 and ,i am thine  
,if mine ,i am2 and thine much more     
,than ,i or ought or can be mine4       
,yet to be thine doth me restore1       
,so that again ,i now am mine1          
,and with advantage mine the more1      
,since this being mine brings with it   
thine1       ,and thou with me dost thee
 restore4     ,if ,i without thee would 
be mine1     ,i neither should be mine  
nor thine4      ,lord1 ,i am thine1 and 
thou art mine2       ,so mine thou art  
that something more     ,i may presume  

thee mine than thine4       ,for thou   
didst suffer to restore     ,not thee1  
but me1 and to be mine1       ,and with 
advantage mine the more2     ,since thou
 in death wast none of thine1       ,yet
 then as mine didst me restore4     ,oh 
be mine still6 ,still make me thine6    
,or rather make no thine and mine60  ,of
 course such a poem can have only two   
stanzas1 and these must closely parallel
 each other in every part4 ,the         
resulting definition of love1 making it 
the completed form of mutuality1 would  
run as follows3 love is the joint       
service of a common life4  7#b7 ,is the 
lover1 then1 an unselfish person and    
does altruism1 here reaching its highest
 pitch1 exclude all egoistic regard8 ,on
 the contrary1 it includes and magnifies
 it4 ,i have said that love always      
involves liking1 the knowledge that an  
object has brought me gain and is       
capable of bringing more4 ,in his loved 
one the lover knows a source of         
incomparable joy4 ,were his lady once   

his1 it would matter little what else   
might happen4 ,never before has he      
conceived a good so great1 and he knows 
that hardships shared with her would be 
better than the most favorable fortune  
alone4 ,he is therefore an eager seeker4
 ,such a passion to possess is seen in  
no one else4 ,yet the opposite may be   
said with equal truth4 ,he has lost all 
selfishness4 ,no one is so generous as  
he1 so ready for self-sacrifice4 ,to    
please and benefit the loved one is all 
his care4 ,let what he gives have cost  
him little1 and he is dissatisfied4 ,he 
longs to suffer for her sake4 ,these are
 not marks of self-seeking4 ,but they do
 indicate that the lover has reached a  
new conception of self1 for which he is 
even more ardent than ever he was for   
the old4 ,that old separate self he now 
despises1 and knows that only as he     
loses it in the loved one will he have  
any worth4 ,until he has thoroughly cut 
himself off from his own detached       
interests he will be unworthy of her4 ,a

 scrap of ,persian verse1 translated by 
,bronson ,alcott1 states the matter     
well3 8,one knocked at the beloved's    
door1 and a voice asked from within1    
#8,who is there8' ,and he answered1     
#8,it is ,i4' ,then the voice said1     
#8,this room will not hold me and thee'2
 and the door was not opened4 ,then went
 the lover into the desert1 and fasted  
and prayed in solitude4 ,and after a    
year he returned and knocked again at   
the door4 ,and again the voice asked1   
#8,who is there8' ,and he said1 #8,it is
 thyself4' ,and the door was opened to  
him40 ,in the mutuality of love egoism  
and altruism are reconciled4 ,each of   
the lovers acquires a new apprehension  
of self1 which conjunct being bears in  
the mind of each the name of the        
beloved4  7#c7 ,is the lover in his own 
estimate rich or poor8 ,incredibly rich 
in what he has received1 but in         
comparison with his lady how poor6 ,she 
is immeasurably his superior4 ,how she  
stooped so low is his daily wonder4 ,but

 his own inferiority does not disturb   
him4 8,love envieth not4 ,is not easily 
puffed up40 ,on the contrary1 he        
rejoices in emptying himself and seeing 
how all that is worth while in him      
proceeds from her4 ,yet the lover is a  
paradoxical fellow1 full of             
contradictions and scorning consistency4
 ,he prizes himself as he never did     
before and daily takes on a new         
importance4 ,never till he loved was he 
so watchful of his looks1 speech1       
clothes1 manners4 ,what he brings to her
 must be of the finest1 and he is       
pleased to discover in himself          
excellences hitherto unsuspected which  
she may well accept4 ,tennyson well     
paints the aspiring lover in 8,maud03   
8,so dark a mind within me dwells1      
,and ,i make myself such evil cheer     
,that if ,i be dear to some one else    
,then some one else may have much to    
fear4     ,but if ,i be dear to some one
 else1     ,then ,i should be to myself 
more dear4     ,shall ,i not care for   

all that ,i think1     ,yea1 even for   
wretched meat and drink1     ,if ,i be  
dear1 if ,i be dear1 to some one else80 
7#d7 ,when once established1 is love    
permanent8 ,certainly not4 ,being a     
personal affair it has no routine       
fixity1 but must continually be created 
afresh4 ,effort is in it1 intention1    
readiness to put aside temporary fancies
 and to practise a loyal patience4 ,it  
is true that in the wise these practices
 themselves become habitual and love    
therefore a matter of happy course4 ,no 
action is excellent which ceases when   
not consciously pressed4 ,from the quiet
 of assured love old lovers look back on
 the anxious fervors of early days and  
acknowledge them meagre and immature4   
,yet still within call they keep the    
resolute will and guard against decay4  
,for just as my readers find it         
difficult to hold the thought of the    
conjunct self steadily in mind and are  
obliged to resist its tendency to       
disintegrate into separate selves1 so do

 lovers also4 ,by degrees the sense of  
mutuality may decline1 independent      
interests arise1 and then one of the    
lower altruistic forms may take the     
place of this its highest4 ,a pair may  
feel themselves drawing apart and1      
finding less and less in common1 may    
gradually content themselves with a kind
 of partnership in place of love4 ,or   
one1 disturbed over the breach of       
affection1 may seek to repair it by acts
 of generosity4 ,he may be liberal in   
granting his company1 his friendly      
cheer1 to the slightly distant loved    
one4 ,but that1 too1 is a slipping down4
 ,the two are then no longer in         
equality4 ,perfect love knows no giving4
 ,what is there to give8 ,all mine is   
thine1 all thine is mine4 ,together we  
share1 not give4 ,but as we detach      
ourselves little by little1 the old     
separate self comes back and we hand    
something across the chasm4 ,how sad    
when exuberant love thus declines into  
intentional giving1 altering 8because it

 alteration finds and bending with the  
remover to remove06 ,but sadder still is
 it when to formerly abundant love the  
guarded altruism of manners succeeds and
 each is satisfied to treat the other   
with watchful politeness4 ,this is the  
last stopping-place before confessed    
bankruptcy4  7#e7 ,but is not love      
always open to repair through duty8     
,being the highest embodiment of        
morality it would naturally seem        
peculiarly alive to duty4 ,but the very 
opposite is the case4 ,it has1 in fact1 
a strange aversion to duty4 ,any        
suspicion that we are expected to love a
 certain person alienates us from him4  
,we cannot force ourselves to love even 
when we see it to be desirable2 nor can 
we expel love when we find it unreturned
 or unworthy4 ,love insists on freedom1 
a certain absence of constraint1 either 
from a person1 from circumstance1 from  
collateral advantages1 or even from our 
own volition4 ,like giving1 it          
recognizes no claim4 8,love is a present

 to a mighty king10 says ,herbert4 ,it  
cannot be bought or sold4 ,but though so
 little submissive to obligation1 it is 
highly sensitive to suggestion and      
unclamorous appeal4 ,indeed1 it soon    
perishes when fresh suggestion is       
withheld4 ,indirectly1 therefore1 and   
accepting time for an ally1 we can      
control love4 ,i have repeatedly spoken 
of intention1 rational guidance1        
resourceful care1 as necessities if we  
would have a wise and lasting love4     
,those who complain of its decay have   
generally themselves to blame4 ,they    
have imagined it constituted once for   
all and1 while they would be glad to    
have it continue1 have taken little     
pains for that fresh renewal on which   
its life is staked4 8,keep on courting10
 said a sagacious mother to a young     
bridegroom on his wedding-day4 ,and what
 has here been said of marital love     
applies also1 with adaptations1 to the  
love of ,god and the love of our fellow 
men4 ,nowhere will love submit to the   

direct command of duty4 ,but indirectly1
 gradually1 through suggestion and      
considerate modes of approach1 it is    
well within our control4 ,the ,golden   
,rule1 bidding us love ,god and our     
neighbor1 is not a psychological        
blunder4  7#f7 ,how does friendship     
differ from love8 ,like love1 it differs
 from partnership through having an     
entirely personal basis4 ,within its    
limits partnership is as genuinely      
mutual as love itself1 but its mutuality
 refers to ends outside the personal    
lives4 ,these remain detached and       
individual1 merely co-operating for a   
time to accomplish an external purpose4 
,in both love and friendship the        
personalities merge4 ,their interests   
become identified1 so that one of the   
parties without the other is but a      
fragmentary being4  ,but friendship     
differs from love in the degree of      
intensity of its emotion and in the     
extent of the tract of life covered4 ,in
 these respects it more nearly resembles

 liking4 ,we all know how slight a      
friendly feeling may be1 even when      
entirely genuine4 ,this is because of   
the well-recognized limits of           
friendship1 limits sometimes narrow1    
sometimes broad4 ,i take ,john for my   
friend on account of his wit1 ,james for
 his scholarship1 ,henry for discussion 
of art1 ,charles for theology4 ,outside 
these matters we have little in common4 
,if ,i try to introduce these friends to
 other sides of me1 ,i know that our    
friendship would be strained4 ,love     
knows no such limits4 ,in it there is no
 holding back4 ,there the more we give  
the more we have4 ,not that in          
friendship we set up such limits by our 
own volition1 as is done in partnership4
 ,the limits are ingrained in the       
persons1 and beyond them we know it is  
futile to press4 ,when two natures have 
certain sides that fit1 to the advantage
 of each1 a friendship springs up4 ,but 
how embarrassing when some friend whom  
we greatly value has limitations which  

oblige us to pause and he1 not          
perceiving them1 attributes to our      
adverse will the failure in full mutual 
accord6 ,because of its narrow bounds   
and because it is sought for individual 
gain1 friendship is of far wider        
currency than love4 ,we make and drop   
our friendships with comparative ease1  
hardly from the first expecting them to 
be lasting4 ,but a love to which we     
contemplated an end1 either in extent or
 duration1 would be already ended4 ,the 
,greeks justly eulogized friendship as  
our best security in an uncertain world4
 ,and1 obviously1 he is imprudent who   
does not surround himself with a        
protecting band of friends4  ,let me1 in
 closing this section1 call attention to
 these varieties of personal contact1   
all of which are desirable4 ,we all need
 a multitude of acquaintances1 can1     
indeed1 hardly have too many4 ,these are
 persons whose faces and names we know1 
with something of their occupations and 
history4 ,while we know them only on the

 outside our impressions of them are    
favorable1 and their nod1 smile1 or     
passing greeting brightens the moment   
and makes us feel at one with our       
species4 ,these do not attain the rank  
of friends1 to whom we expose sections  
of our lives1 in whose characters we see
 admirable traits which are less        
developed in ourselves1 and on whom we  
lean in times of doubt1 trouble1 and    
ignorance4 ,such steadying friends will 
not be a large company and should be    
chosen deliberately1 not through        
juxtaposition1 but on grounds of merit  
and adaptation to our needs4 ,closer    
than these1 however1 should come our    
intimates1 one or two1 those to whom we 
give whole-hearted love4 ,from such an  
intimate we hide nothing1 not even our  
faults4 ,to him we express our          
half-thoughts1 make up our minds in     
company with his1 find excellence easy  
in his presence and yet1 to our daily   
astonishment1 see that he obtains as    
much from us as we from him4 ,him we    

love4 ,he is another self1 and all that 
is ours is his also4  ,such1 then1 is   
love and such its varieties and         
shadings4 ,parted from mutuality1       
altruism has little worth4 ,only where  
love is1 where the conjunct self has    
taken the place of the separate self1 is
 altruism completely realized4 ,in such 
love morality attains its goal4         
,accordingly1 in every age those most   
impassioned for the formation of        
character have exalted love as its      
central principle4 ,the first to        
perceive its importance and to begin an 
exploitation of its labyrinths was      
,plato4 ,to love he has dedicated three 
of his ,dialogues4 ,in the first of     
them1 the delightful little piece called
 ,lysis1 he busies himself with the     
contradictions of love4 ,he does not    
seek to establish a positive doctrine4  
,no conclusion is reached1 but the      
enigmatic character of love is brought  
out with extraordinary vividness4 ,the  
greatest of his love dialogues1 and one 

which has profoundly influenced all     
subsequent ages1 is the ,symposium1     
beautifully translated by the poet      
,shelley under the name of ,the         
,banquet4 ,socrates and his friends     
assembling one evening1 it is proposed  
that instead of general conversation    
they shall talk on some specific        
subject1 and love is selected4 ,one     
speaker after another reports what he   
has seen in love--its dignity1 its      
heavenly and earthly types1 its         
universality as an underlying principle 
of physical nature1 the supposed origin 
of the separate self and its subsequent 
desire for completion1 love as the      
organizer of human life4 ,then ,socrates
 points out how the true significance of
 love lies in its passion for perfection
 and how it continually supersedes its  
lower forms in the interest of what is  
larger4 ,the most obscuring of these    
lower forms1 the least regardful of     
anything beyond itself1 is that         
instinctive passion between the sexes   

which tries to monopolize the name of   
love4 ,friendship is more intelligent4  
,unities of a still wider and firmer    
kind are disclosed in the social1       
artistic1 and scientific impulses4      
,these are all prompted by love and     
follow increasing grades of beauty4     
,religion1 however1 alone reveals the   
full significance of these struggles    
toward conjunction2 for ,god is the only
 complete wholeness1 and every endeavor 
to unite with other things or persons is
 but a blind seeking after him4 ,love   
appears once more in the ,phdrus1 where 
its deeper implications are traced in   
connection with rhetoric and general    
philosophy4  ,at the time of the        
,renaissance ,marcilius ,ficinus        
translated the ,symposium of ,plato and 
carried its influence into all the      
literatures of western ,europe4 ,edmund 
,spenser reflects that influence in his 
two superb hymns in ,honor of ,love and 
in ,honor of ,beauty4 ,a vivacious      
modern statement of the ancient doctrine

 is that of ,r4 ,w4 ,emerson in his     
,essay on ,love2 and an amusing         
disparagement of love1 as that which    
interferes with the comforts and        
conveniences of the separate self1      
appears in ,bacon's ,essay on ,love4 ,it
 has been well said that any one who    
imagines ,shakespeare's plays were      
written by ,bacon should read this essay
 and follow it with ,romeo and ,juliet4 
,of course1 all the poets linger in the 
neighborhood of love and declare it to  
be that which makes the world go round4 
,one of them1 the mid-,victorian        
,coventry ,patmore1 made himself its    
expositor and devoted his entire product
 to the systematic analysis of its every
 phase4 ,perhaps to heighten the        
impression of veracity1 he has made the 
verse of his early volumes1 entitled    
,the ,angel in the ,house1 approach as  
nearly as possible to prose1 while his  
later volume1 ,the ,unknown ,eros1      
treats the same matter in a series of   
rapturous odes4 ,admiring them both as  

,i do in an age when they are both out  
of fashion1 ,i take up ,the ,angel in   
the ,house when in a psychological mood 
,i am not disturbed by absurdity1 and   
turn to ,the ,unknown ,eros when my ear 
craves music and ,i welcome the         
,platonic madness4     ,,chapter ,,vii  
,,justice   ,before advancing further it
 may be well to survey the tangled      
ground already traversed2 for in        
mutuality1 the third great section of   
,altruism1 ,i have not been able to     
employ the simple treatment which       
,manners and ,giving received4 ,the     
principle throughout is precise and     
uniform4 ,within a specified field the  
interests of two or more persons are to 
be accounted identical1 so that a double
 gain becomes possible1 altruism        
transforming itself into egoism and     
egoism into altruism4 ,this is the      
common principle which shapes every form
 of mutuality4 ,but the extent of the   
fields specified differs so widely as to
 give rise to forms of very unlike moral

 value1 which deserve separate          
examination4  ,in the field of          
partnership1 for example1 it is         
understood that the union will not      
continue indefinitely and that it has   
been brought about for attaining some   
external end4 ,partnership1 bargaining1 
voluntary association would not come    
into existence were it not for the      
prospect of mutual gain4 ,if one party  
alone gains1 we see that some unfairness
 has occurred4 ,yet because in these    
unions mutuality is restricted to a     
small group and to the accomplishment of
 external purposes1 they often become   
engines for a selfishness more intense  
than their separate members would       
approve4 ,a popular proverb exaggerates 
but little in saying that corporations  
have no souls4  ,but such perilous      
restrictions are unnecessary4 ,there can
 be mutuality without them4 ,instead of 
referring to an external end1 unions can
 be formed for an internal purpose4 ,the
 very lives and aspirations of two      

persons may be joined4 ,that is         
unnecessary in business relations4 ,i   
may dislike my partner personally1 yet  
judge it wise to identify my commercial 
interests with his4 ,when ,i make a     
purchase at a shop ,i do not inquire    
about the character of the dealer4 ,with
 that ,i have no concern4 ,his life is  
his1 mine mine4 ,our mutual relation    
touches only the value of the article   
purchased4 ,and something similar is    
true of our voluntary associations4 ,i  
join my political club in the hope of   
furthering public interests2 but1 to    
tell the truth1 ,i am often ashamed of  
my associates there4 ,we have a common  
aim1 but personally ,i will keep myself 
as clear from my fellow workers as      
possible4 ,under none of the conditions 
which ,i have called partnership do     
lives merge4 ,to these unions for       
definable ends a termination is         
sometimes set1 sometimes indefinitely   
anticipated4  ,now1 in the case of love1
 these restrictions are done away4      

,accordingly the whole principle of     
mutuality comes out there with a        
lucidity1 power1 and moving appeal which
 it cannot possibly have in the briefly 
planned arrangements of trade4 ,for     
though love often passes away1 no such  
cessation is contemplated4 ,the eternal 
vows of lovers have always been a       
subject of jest4 ,no doubt limited      
marriages have been proposed4 ,but ,i   
suspect if they ever come about1 what we
 mean by love will be omitted4 ,it would
 strike most of us as absurd for me to  
ask ,mary to join me in identifying our 
lives for a single year1 sharing during 
that time our home1 our aims1 our inmost
 thoughts1 but always intending at the  
end of that time to go our separate     
ways1 unable to say 8we40 ,external     
relations can be formed1 dropped1 and   
resumed1 the persons involved remaining 
unaffected4 ,that is not true of        
interior relations4 ,these fashion a new
 personality to which old forms of      
morals1 even old forms of language1 no  

longer apply4 ,before advancing to      
explain as my final topic the special   
modifications of mutuality which fit it 
for a world principle1 let me sum up the
 whole doctrine of love in some majestic
 lines attributed to ,shakespeare4 ,in  
#afja a curious book appeared called    
,chester's ,love's ,martyr1 containing a
 poem to which ,shakespeare's name was  
affixed4 ,this single fact1 and the     
unlikelihood that any one else had such 
compulsive power over words1 are our    
only grounds for thinking ,shakespeare  
wrote the piece4 ,it is entitled 8,the  
,phnix and the ,turtle10 and            
allegorically describes the funeral of a
 pair of married lovers1 the man denoted
 by the turtle1 the woman by the phnix4 
,i quote only the funeral chant1        
omitting the picturesque introduction   
and the solemn ending3      8,here the  
anthem doth commence2     ,love and     
constancy is dead1     ,phnix and the   
turtle fled     ,in a mutual flame from 
thence4      ,so they loved as love in  

twain     ,had the essence but in one4  
,two distincts1 division none1          
,number there in love was slain4        
,hearts remote1 yet not asunder1        
,distance1 and no space was seen        
',twixt the turtle and his queen2       
,but in them it were a wonder4      ,so 
between them love did shine     ,that   
the turtle saw his right     ,flaming in
 the phnix' sight2     ,either was the  
other's mine4      ,property was thus   
appalled1     ,that the self was not the
 same4     ,single nature's double name 
,neither two nor one was called4        
,reason1 in itself confounded1     ,saw 
division grow together4     ,to         
themselves1 yet either--neither1        
,simple were so well compounded         
,that it cried how true a twain         
,seemeth this concordant one6     ,love 
hath reason1 reason none1     ,if what  
parts can so remain40  ,what audacity of
 word and precision of thought6 ,with   
what accuracy the paradoxes of love are 
stated6 8,to themselves1 yet            

either--neither40 ,in the first stanza  
the sacred word 8mutual0 is introduced4 
,where else in our language is the      
conjunct self so completely set forth8  
,yet we cannot pause even here4 ,to make
 love a principle capable of universal  
application1 it will need to be         
reconstituted and1 while retaining its  
mutuality1 to be stripped of sundry     
restrictions4  ,for love is ever        
selective4 ,it chooses one and leaves   
another4 ,it is exercised only toward   
definite persons1 a little group1       
preferably two4 ,the smaller the number 
the warmer the love4 ,but what we are   
trying to discover is how altruism may  
penetrate the whole of life1 organizing 
society and the state4 ,that was our    
ambitious ideal1 and love is not        
comprehensive enough for it4 ,when we   
give ourselves up to the single person  
or small group fitted to receive our    
love1 will there not be the same danger 
as appeared in the discussion of        
partnership1 that the rest of the world 

will be shut out8 ,a pair of lovers is  
notoriously unpleasing to everybody     
except themselves4 ,in that little world
 of theirs they are so engrossed with   
the joint service of a common life that 
what happens in the needy world beyond  
is hardly noticed4 ,love of this sort is
 pretty far removed from universal      
altruism4  ,nor is this danger confined 
to the passion of man for woman4        
,broader types of love show the same    
exclusive absorption4 ,each member of a 
household may be devoted to the rest and
 find his own gain through devotion to  
theirs4 ,here love attains a peculiarly 
beautiful mutuality4 ,but it is still   
circumscribed4 ,the family becomes      
sufficient for itself4 ,other families  
do not count4 ,love has been selective  
and1 fixing its ardor on certain        
persons1 shuts out the rest4 ,even the  
love of ,god and his children may narrow
 itself to interest in those only who   
approach him in the same way as         
ourselves4 ,our religious sympathy may  

not extend beyond our sect4 ,similar    
perils beset national love or           
patriotism4  ,no doubt in all these     
cases the narrower field may provide    
training for the broader2 but so long as
 love is selective and waits upon       
personal interest it will be hard       
pressed by conditioning accident4       
,rightly does ,spenser declare that for 
the combinations of love the stars'     
consent is necessary4 ,circumstance1    
juxtaposition1 plays a large part at the
 beginning of love4 ,the one who would  
interest me may not happen to come my   
way2 and ,i cannot love one whom ,i do  
not know4 ,obtaining such knowledge1    
too1 even in regard to one very near1 is
 uncertain business4 ,i see some one who
 calls out what is best in me and am    
confident that joining with her will    
bring about a glorious life for us both4
 ,but can ,i be sure8 ,an error in      
estimating will ruin not me alone but   
her too1 whom ,i would honor4           
,knowledge1 an important condition of   

love1 is hard indeed to obtain4 ,nor in 
reckoning the hindrances to love as a   
universal principle can we pass by the  
mysteries of temperament4 ,many a person
 have we known to be lovable whom we    
could never love4 ,peculiarities of     
inheritance1 training1 habit1           
instinctive feeling in two persons1     
while not diminishing their worth1 may  
render hopeless their adaptation to one 
another4  ,selective love1 then1        
hampered by its need of acquaintance1   
nearness1 and knowledge1 can never      
become a universal principle1 binding   
mankind together4 ,it shows1 however1   
what we want4 ,nowhere else does        
altruistic fervor attain such depth4    
,but it lacks breadth and is possible   
only within narrow bounds4 ,we have been
 seeking to extend mutuality1 the double
 gain1 the abolition of both egoism and 
altruism1 far beyond those bounds and   
reach a method by which mankind as a    
whole might engage in the joint service 
of a common life4 ,such an ideal would  

preserve all characteristics of love    
except its limitations4 ,but the removal
 of these will affect it so deeply as to
 oblige a new name4 ,i call it ,justice4
  ,let us examine a case where          
mutualistic conduct shows traits beyond 
the reach of selective love4 ,i go to a 
shoemaker and ask for a pair of shoes4  
,he hands me a pair1 ,i pay his price1  
and carry them home4 ,as ,i come to wear
 them1 ,i find them admirably made4     
,they give me greater comfort than ,i   
have ever had before and wear longer4   
,the leather appears to have been       
selected with care1 and every nail and  
stitch to have received attention4 ,i   
return to their maker and say3 8,that   
was a remarkable pair of shoes4 ,did you
 make them specially for me8 ,perhaps   
you have known me before1 have taken a  
fancy to me1 and so have been willing to
 put yourself to all this trouble for my
 convenience4 ,that is the way with     
love4 ,it takes burdens on itself to    
relieve another40 ,how astonished the   

dealer would be at such talk6 ,would he 
not answer3 8,i had no thought of you1  
but ,i made the shoes as well as ,i     
could4 ,it is my business40 8,but10 ,i  
continue1 8if you never know to whom    
your shoes will go1 why take such       
pains80 8,because ,i mean to be true to 
my job and not shirk my part in the     
ongoing of the world4 ,if ,i do bad work
 somebody1 ,i don't know who1 will      
suffer4 ,i mean to be a good shoemaker40
 ,here is professional responsibility4  
,the man deals justly with his unknown  
public4  ,and in such professional      
responsibility we pass from individual  
love to that noble public love which ,i 
have ventured to call ,justice4 ,love   
remains1 but it is now universal love1  
love freed from selection and without   
those restrictions of knowledge1        
circumstance1 and temperament on which  
selection is based4 ,no doubt in        
individual love there is an intimacy and
 a wealth of feeling which this case has
 not4 ,but in it selfishness is also    

more pronounced4 ,knowing ,john well1 ,i
 am confident that in joining my life   
with his1 and with his only1 we shall   
both be enriched4 ,but the shoemaker    
carries his blessing to the unknown and 
joins himself rather with the public    
good4 ,he gets his gain by giving gain  
to those whom he has never seen4 ,it is 
true that the transaction may be partly 
explained on the grounds already        
noticed4 ,an exchange has occurred by   
which buyer and seller have alike       
profited4 ,but something more than      
calculation of profit has gone into     
these shoes4 ,they would have sold      
readily with half the care4 ,but this   
man respected business standards1 was   
something more than a trader1 gave not  
by equivalent measure1 and was more     
concerned over possible danger to his   
customers than over extra labor for     
himself4 ,that is the essence of        
professionalism4 ,while frankly seeking 
mutual gain and declining anything      
one-sided1 it abandons all thought of   

exact equivalence1 keeping in the       
foreground standards of excellence      
approved by its group and looking to    
public service4  ,or is there in the    
professional man something still deeper 
than the characteristics just mentioned1
 something of which these are but the   
outgrowth8 ,the professional man enjoys 
his work and would rather do it than    
not4 ,many of us1 perhaps most1 are     
driven to work by the need to live4 ,we 
will do that work faithfully and not    
disappoint those who depend on us4 ,but 
we often think of work as toil1 do as   
little of it as possible1 and find our  
enjoyment quite outside it4 ,days of    
freedom from that toil are eagerly      
anticipated4 ,how different is the      
professional spirit6 ,it took up its    
work originally not as a task but as a  
chance to gratify a personal interest4  
,to following that interest through all 
its windings its heart has been given4  
,throughout there has been a passion for
 perfection1 never realized1 never      

abandoned4 ,each day carries            
accomplishment forward and discloses    
wider ranges into which skill might     
extend4 ,hardship1 lack of gain1 failure
 to be recognized are matters of slender
 consequence4 ,the work itself is its   
own rich reward4  ,such is professional 
responsibility at its best4 ,it is      
responsibility to no individual1 not    
even so much to the general public as to
 the profession chosen4 ,perhaps we     
catch the spirit most readily among     
artists and scholars1 who proverbially  
show little regard for financial        
results4 ,but even where regard for     
money is patent and necessary1 this     
professional spirit is often also       
present4  ,i am ill and call a          
physician4 ,he comes to my bedside day  
by day1 studies my case with elaborate  
care1 gives up large amounts of precious
 time to my whims1 and never allows his 
moods to intrude1 so that on my recovery
 ,i cannot help saying3 8,what a        
sympathetic person you are6 ,i do not   

see how you can hold an interest in so  
many people and feel their afflictions  
as if they were your own40 ,such a      
remark would be as inadequate as if ,i  
had said3 8,you have thoroughly earned  
your fee40 ,both would be true1 and both
 would point to motives which might     
rightly influence him4 ,but into that   
complex motive would go a third factor  
more influential still1 if he was a     
worthy physician4 ,he cares for the     
healing art4 ,of course he is unwilling 
that ,i1 this individual person1 should 
suffer4 ,but it is not the 8me0 element 
nor the money element which made him    
take his trouble4 ,he would have done   
the same for a stranger4 ,and this      
impartial attitude is1 on the whole1    
best4 ,personal sympathy is often       
disturbing4 ,let him coolly survey me as
 a case of typhus fever1 and ,i shall   
get his best service4 ,through me he    
relieves suffering1 obtains for himself 
a due income1 gains larger knowledge of 
disease and skill in combating it2 in   

short1 meets the responsibilities of an 
arduous and interesting profession4     
,one may wonder why ,i call this        
impersonal extension of love ,justice4  
,because justice seeks to benefit all1  
but all alike4 ,it knows no persons1 or 
rather it knows every one as a person   
and insures each his share in the common
 good4 ,all the altruism of love is     
here1 but without love's arbitrary      
selection and limited interest4 ,we do  
wrong in thinking of justice as chiefly 
concerned with penalties4 ,these are    
incidental1 inflicted on those who      
refuse to find their gain in the gain of
 others4 ,the main work of justice is   
its equal distribution of advantage and 
its insistence that each individual     
shall be faithful to what he undertakes 
for the benefit of all4 ,justice is     
therefore thoroughgoing love1 its       
mutuality guarded1 rationalized1        
stripped of personal bias1 and brought  
near us through the avenues of our      
special work4  ,only we must not confine

 the professions to the four usually    
reckoned3 teaching1 preaching1 medicine1
 and the law4 ,the professional spirit  
may vitalize work of every sort4 ,here  
is a poor man to whom few enjoyments are
 open1 who goes out morning after       
morning to shovel gravel or to engage in
 some other labor equally uninteresting4
 ,he earns his two or three dollars a   
day1 takes it home1 and hands it to his 
slatternly wife4 ,once he was drawn to  
her by romantic love4 ,with her he      
figured a real union1 each continually  
happy in the sight of the other and each
 day bringing to both an inward joy4 ,he
 did not know her4 ,he had neither the  
opportunity nor the ability to study her
 temperament and learn whether it was   
adjustable to his4 ,it proved not to be 
so4 ,children came1 cares increased1 she
 neglected herself1 her home1 her       
husband4 ,there was no longer any warmth
 of affection between them4 ,but still  
he goes on working for her              
unmurmuringly4 ,she is a wife and       

mother1 he a husband and father4 ,to    
these relationships he will be faithful4
 ,is not his a larger love than that of 
the courtship8 ,i do not see that we can
 say so4 ,but it is love of a different 
sort and a very noble sort4 ,we called  
love the joint service of a common life4
 ,though she no longer joins him1 he    
joins the community in maintaining the  
family tie4 ,what keeps him going is his
 professional responsibility4 ,being a  
good husband is the task assigned him in
 the general division of labor4 ,he     
recognizes its justice1 controls his    
temper1 and patiently meets the hardship
 involved4 ,i cannot see how there is   
less professional responsibility here   
than in the case of the shoemaker or    
physician4 ,indeed1 wherever any one is 
true to his specific task1 puts his     
heart into it1 works not for money alone
 nor through interest in a single       
individual1 but1 without calculating any
 equivalence between what he gives and  
receives1 studies how he may most fully 

perform the work to which he has been   
called1 that man is exhibiting          
professional responsibility1 honoring   
love1 and exalting justice in a way to  
deserve profound reverence4             
,,chapter ,,viii  ,,conclusion   ,love  
is so often proclaimed as a social      
panacea that ,i have thought it well to 
subject it to a careful criticism and   
indicate its defects when regarded as a 
complete embodiment of altruism4 ,some  
of those defects are incidental4 ,since 
it is an affair of human beings it      
cannot fail to show the imperfections   
characteristic of such wayward          
creatures4 ,seldom does even marriage1  
love's best opportunity1 attain that    
full mutuality which ,i have eulogized4 
,self-assertion intrudes early4 ,the    
interests of one or the other party     
become predominant1 and mutuality       
gradually declines4 ,when the           
simple-minded man was told that in      
marriage two persons become one1 he     
naturally enough asked3 8,which one80   

,yet if the completely conjunct life is 
rare1 it is precious as an ideal for    
directing conduct4 ,we often speak of   
love as something we fall into4 ,rather 
it is something to be made1 developed1  
steadily approximated4 ,the best        
marriages are accomplished works of art1
 yielding large rewards through all     
their progressive stages4 ,but love is  
ever unstable4 ,unwatched1 it slips down
 among the lower forms of altruism4     
,these defects of love are1 however1 but
 incidental and such as are common in   
all man's undertakings4 ,there is       
nothing in love which can render it     
immune from human infirmity4 ,but there 
are also in it certain fundamental      
defects which prevent it from becoming  
an organizing world-principle4 ,at least
 before it can weld individuals into    
societies and states it must undergo    
large transformation and appear rather  
as justice than domestic affection4 ,for
 love is naturally selective and        
individual1 picking out one and         

rejecting another4 ,it does not offer   
its bounty alike to all4 ,private       
altruism1 it might be called1 so that it
 always seems indelicate to speak of it 
in public4 ,it concerns only those      
immediately involved and only their most
 intimate experiences4 ,from such       
limitations it needs to be freed before 
it can become formative over society4   
,all that is conjunctive in it must be  
retained and only its exclusions        
removed4 ,in this way general justice   
will supplement individual love4 ,all   
the varieties of mutuality are alike in 
joining self-regard with extra-regard4  
,they differ only in the extent of that 
extra-regard4  ,in my last chapter ,i   
began the discussion of that            
superpersonal love which ,i called      
,justice4 ,it is concerned with         
functions rather than individuals1 and  
love is thus extended to a multitude who
 still remain unknown4 ,to keep the     
framework of society steady large       
co-operation is required1 each of its   

members becoming responsible for the    
working of some one among its many      
functions and having his own well-being 
bound up with its4 ,to that function    
each is to devote himself as the lover  
does to his lady1 and through it he     
sends his benefactions abroad to whoever
 stands in need4 ,such is the ideal of  
professional responsibility2 and whether
 seen in shoemaker1 doctor1 or head of a
 family1 it is something of wider scope 
and more generous impulse than private  
love4  ,yet even in professional        
responsibility an element of selection  
remains4 ,after studying the needs of   
the community ,i pick out what work ,i  
will do4 ,on some single need ,i        
fasten--the need of settling quarrels1  
and ,i become a lawyer2 the need of     
instruction1 and ,i become a teacher2   
the needs of the breakfast-table1 and ,i
 become a grocer4 ,in all these cases my
 service is given not to man as man1 but
 only to a section of men1 to those who 
are conscious of a certain specific     

need4 ,it is possible1 however1 to      
extend justice and1 not confining       
attention to wants already known1 to    
endeavor to enlarge the whole           
intellectual horizon of our fellows4    
,thus love becomes peculiarly impersonal
 and creative4  ,for example1 when ,i   
become an artist or scientific man ,i do
 not know precisely what ,i shall       
contribute to the good of the public4   
,the public itself has experienced no   
want of the wares which ,i shall        
furnish4 ,in devoting myself to the     
higher mathematics ,i am pursuing       
something for which a practical         
application may never be found4 ,but    
that uncertainty should not hold me     
back4 ,i know that the mind of man moves
 off in that direction4 ,i will follow  
and see how far it can be pressed4      
,these investigations ,i am making in   
astronomy are curious4 ,they satisfy my 
passion for knowing4 ,believing they    
will satisfy that passion in others     
also1 ,i ask no more4 ,passing beyond   

the immediate application of my results1
 ,i simply aim at developing persons    
more fully as persons1 so that their    
capacity for knowledge may be increased4
 ,just so does the artist attempt to    
reveal aspects of beauty hitherto       
unperceived4 ,when he furnishes what has
 been done before1 what men have learned
 to enjoy and now demand1 he is a       
professional workman and belongs in the 
preceding class4 ,but a true artist     
explores phases of unacknowledged       
beauty4 ,having himself seen what others
 have not seen1 he takes the risk of    
announcing it1 certain that if it is    
comprehended he will open men's eyes to 
fresh enjoyment4 ,rightly therefore do  
we hold artists and scientific men in   
high honor as enlargers of humanity4 ,we
 see that altruism like theirs calls for
 risk and special disinterestedness4    
,they are discoverers1 going out into   
wide lands1 far from sure what will be  
found there1 but ready to sacrifice     
themselves for possible human           

betterment4 ,intellectual soldiers1 we  
may call them1 accepting the risks of   
doubtful battle4 ,theirs is a lofty     
altruism1 and none the less because     
success may bring them fame and fortune4
  ,perhaps ,i strain the word justice in
 applying it to them1 yet they as truly 
as the professional man do not pick out 
individuals as receivers of their       
benefits4 ,indeed1 that absence of      
particularity so emphasized in justice  
goes to such a degree with them that    
their work seems to proceed from the    
spirit of science or spirit of beauty   
rather than from a particular person4   
,they strike us as transcending their   
age1 their own peculiarities1 and to    
embody the conjunct self of humanity4   
,still another form of justice1 or of   
love1 which passes beyond the           
individual1 is the service of           
institutions4 ,artists1 scientific and  
professional men all follow interests of
 their own1 believing1 however1 that    
their work in the long run will benefit 

the public4 ,but in the service of      
institutions not only does the public   
receive a benefit1 it fixes also what   
our work toward bringing it about shall 
be4 ,personal choice1 therefore1        
altogether disappears4 ,the action is   
conjunctive throughout4 ,but to         
understand this dark saying we must     
bring clearly before our minds what an  
institution is4 ,it is a large term     
which we are apt to allow to fill out a 
big gap in our knowledge4  ,i mean by   
institutions those fairly permanent     
relations between persons which past    
experience has established for the      
promotion of human welfare and          
successive generations have approved4   
,ever since civilization began men have 
been experimenting how to live together 
most helpfully4 ,the results1 tested by 
the induction of ages1 become the       
inherited habits of individuals and the 
institutions of society4 ,maintained    
through passing years1 criticised1      
readjusted to meet more fully the needs 

they were intended to fulfil1 they      
furnish each of us a working capital as 
soon as we enter the world4 ,we are not 
obliged to decide in childhood whether  
to have three meals a day1 whether man's
 dress shall differ from woman's1       
whether to have provision made for our  
instruction1 worship1 settlement of     
quarrels1 safety on the street4 ,these  
matters were considered before we were  
born1 and judgments about them form our 
most precious inheritance4 ,it is a     
veritable bank stock of experience on   
which to draw for our support4 ,we      
accept it all as a thing of course at   
first1 then begin to scrutinize it1     
asking how far these particular         
institutions save social friction1 open 
avenues for enlarged activity1 and how  
far that which once served these ends   
serves them no more4  ,such institutions
 are intended for the general good4 ,by 
identifying ourselves with them we both 
share in that good and exercise an      
impartial love for mankind4 ,for these  

have an influence over men unequalled by
 any other agency4 ,they fashion us in  
our unconscious years and carry forward 
our purposes in years of discretion4 ,to
 comprehend their consolidated wisdom   
and conform ourselves to it will be our 
chief means of serving our fellow men2  
to neglect or weaken them through       
individual caprice is to be an enemy of 
society4 ,only we must discriminate in  
our modes of strengthening4 ,an         
institution is not proved good by the   
bare fact of its existence4 ,perhaps the
 presumption should be in its favor1 for
 it could hardly get itself established 
if injurious4 ,but its original         
adaptation to human wants is unstable1  
and strengthening it will really mean   
fitting it more neatly to present       
circumstances4 ,to maintain its outward 
form when it no longer serves its       
purpose is to be unfaithful to it4      
,constructive criticism is constantly   
required if institutions are to be kept 
sweet and wholesome4 ,only it should be 

borne in mind that changes in the       
framework of society can best come about
 slowly and only at the desire of large 
groups of those affected4 ,presumptuous1
 indeed1 is he who will attempt to stand
 outside any of our fundamental         
institutions4 ,the setting up of his    
individual will against the general will
 proves him no true socialist4 ,he      
should remember that since everybody is 
wiser than anybody his first business is
 to conform to the institutions into    
which he is born1 then to study         
elaborately their meaning1 and finally  
to persuade his fellows to join in      
readjusting them with a view to their   
more effective working4 ,our love for   
our fellow men is shown each day in our 
maintenance1 critical study1 and reform 
of the social institutions around us4   
,they survive only through our constant 
approval1 are too important to be       
neglected or lightly set aside1 and too 
liable to decay to be left uncriticised4
  ,it is obvious1 however1 that         

institutions are of many grades of      
importance4 ,some are fundamental1 as   
the family1 property1 democracy2 others 
are local and individual1 as ,harvard   
,university1 ,boston1 the ,episcopal    
,church1 the ,democratic ,party4 ,as    
they become narrower our acceptance of  
them changes its character1 affectionate
 loyalty playing a larger part1 dutiful 
obedience less4 ,a member of a college1 
for example1 comes to think of it almost
 as a person1 symbolized in ,alma       
,mater1 and gives to it the loving      
devotion he would feel for a revered    
friend4 ,members of institutions so     
individual are apt to take their        
membership as something like a personal 
trust and to pride themselves on        
fidelity to it4 ,but because such       
institutions are of limited range and   
not applicable to all mankind1 failure  
in allegiance to them is generally      
regarded not as a moral lapse1 but as an
 error of judgment4  ,such are some of  
the aspects of justice1 the impartial   

love of our fellow men4 ,when we are    
commanded to love our neighbor as       
ourself1 we cannot excuse ourselves by  
saying that love does not move by       
command but takes its own way according 
to individual temperament4 ,even of the 
simpler forms of love this is only      
partially true2 wisdom1 purpose1 and    
patience being also essentials of       
permanence even in our private loves4   
,but that public love to which we are   
summoned is no mere emotion1 arising    
blindly and passing with the mood4 ,it  
is the rational acceptance of our place 
in a social organization where all are  
dependent on each4 ,a good synonym for  
what ,i have called justice would be    
public-mindedness4  ,and in this        
extended and superpersonal love altruism
 attains its fullest and steadiest      
expression4 ,but so does egoism1 too4   
,that abstract egoism1 it is true1 which
 seeks its own gain regardless of that  
of others1 is submerged4 ,it was always 
fictitious1 and rapidly conducted him   

who pursued it to emptiness4 ,but that  
conjunct self1 the person constituted   
through relations1 finds in this        
justicial love his large opportunity4   
,in like manner the abstract and        
sentimental alter1 figured as that      
uncriticisable idol to which individual 
interests must daily be offered up1 is  
overthrown and shown to have reality    
only in the degree in which it fosters  
personal life4 ,socialism which does not
 promote individuality1 individuality   
which does not tend toward an           
ever-completer social consciousness1 are
 alike delusive4 ,each must find its    
justification in the service it is able 
to render to its pretended foe4 ,pure   
gifts1 to individuals or the state1 are 
rightly objects of suspicion4 ,only when
 transmuted by mutuality can they be    
kept free from taint4  ,such at least is
 the doctrine of this book4 ,in it there
 is nothing new4 ,vaguely1 waveringly1  
and with but a half understanding1 ,i   
believe it has ever guided the best     

endeavors of mankind4 ,i have only hoped
 to drag it into clearer light by a     
novel sort of approach4 ,the dangers of 
that mode of approach ,i readily see and
 wish my readers also to see4 ,as a     
pedagogue ,i have torn apart things     
which belong together and have          
separately exhibited our protective1    
generous1 and identifying impulses as   
successively different aspects of the   
altruistic life4 ,in this way we        
teachers are obliged to proceed1 picking
 to pieces a concrete whole1 even when  
our aim is to show wholeness4 ,but my   
readers will not be so simple as to     
imagine that things occur in experience 
so disjointed as on my pages4 ,life is  
more closely compacted than our         
expositions4 ,higher stages and lower   
move forward together1 assisting one    
another4 ,the disparagements which ,i   
put on the lower varieties of altruism  
these deserve only so far as they are   
detached from the higher4 ,in           
conjunction1 the higher altruisms       

ennoble the lower and are themselves    
enriched and diversified by whatever    
inferior stages they absorb4 ,among the 
ingredients of character none can safely
 be thrown away4 ,we study ethics merely
 to find a place where each may be      
helpful to all4     ,transcriber's      
,notes   ,ambiguous hyphens at the ends 
of lines were retained2 occurrences of  
inconsistent hyphenation have not been  
changed4