,note3 ,images of the original pages are available through ,internet ,archive4 ,see https3_/_/archive4org_/details_/goodform foralloc#jj;halluoft ,transcriber's note3 ,text in italics is enclosed by underscores 7italics74 ,,good ,,form ,,for ,,all ,,occasions ,a ,manual of ,manners ,dress and ,entertainment for ,both ,men and ,women by ,,florence ,,howe ,,hall ,author of 8,social ,usage at ,washington0 ,illustration3 ,publisher's ,logo ,harper ,brothers ,publishers ,new ,york and ,london ,,mcmxiv ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,books ,,for ,,the ,,household ,,the ,,young ,,mother',s ,,handbook1 by ,,marianna ,,wheeler4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,principles ,,of ,,correct ,,dress1 by ,,florence ,,hull ,,winterburn4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,good ,,form ,,for ,,all ,,occasions1 by ,,florence ,,howe ,,hall net #a4jj ,,novel ,,ways ,,of ,,entertaining1 by ,,florence ,,hull ,,winterburn4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,cook ,,book ,,of ,,left-,,overs1 by ,,clark and ,,rulon4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,social ,,usages ,,at ,,washington1 by ,,florence ,,howe ,,hall4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,how ,,to ,,keep ,,household ,,accounts1 by ,,charles ,,waldo ,,haskins4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,the ,,expert ,,maid ,,servant1 by ,,christine ,,terhune ,,herrick4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,hygiene ,,for ,,mother ,,and ,,child1 by ,dr4 ,,francis ,h4 ,,maccarthy4 ,post #hvo net #a4be ,,manners ,,and ,,social ,,usages4 ,ill'd4 ,post #hvo #a4be ,,the ,,expert ,,waitress1 by ,,anne ,,frances ,,springsteed4 ,new ,edition4 #afmo net #a4jj ,,the ,,baby1 ,,his ,,care ,,and ,,training1 by ,,marianna ,,wheeler4 ,revised edition #afmo net #a4jj ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,beautiful1 by ,,marie ,,montaigne4 ,ill'd4 net #a4jj ------- ,,harper ,,brothers1 ,,new ,,york ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,copyright1 #aiad1 by ,harper ,brothers ------- ,printed in the ,united ,states of ,america ,published ,june1 #aiad ,,contents ,,chap4 ,,page ,i4 ,,the ,,country ,,house #a ,etiquette and ,dress for the ,week-end ,visitor--,duties of the ,host--,the ,neglectful and ,over-zealous ,hostess--,bread-and-butter ,letters4 ,,ii4 ,,afternoon ,,teas ,,and ,,receptions ,,for ,,the #ah ,d,,butante--8,,th ,,dansant0 ,dress and ,behavior of ,guests--,dress and ,etiquette for the ,hostess and ,her ,assistants--,formal and ,informal ,occasions--,who ,may ,send ,flowers4 ,,iii4 ,,breakfasts ,,and ,,luncheons #cf ,how to ,give ,them and ,what to ,wear--,etiquette of the ,buffet ,luncheon--,entertaining ,distinguished ,strangers4 ,,iv4 ,,dinners ,,formal ,,and ,,informal #eb ,invitations and ,how to ,answer ,them--,telephone ,invitations--,hints for the ,young ,hostess--,dress for ,men and for ,women--,entering and ,leaving the ,dining-room--,etiquette of the ,formal ,dinner--,when to ,arrive and ,when to ,leave--,dressing-rooms--,dinner-calls4 ,v4 ,,bridesmaids' ,,luncheons1 ,,bachelor ,,dinners1 ,,and #gd ,,wedding ,,anniversaries ,guests to be ,invited--,etiquette and ,dress for ,bridesmaids' ,luncheons--,etiquette and ,dress for ,bachelor ,dinners--,things to be ,done and ,things to be ,avoided--,wedding ,anniversaries--,the ,right and the ,wrong ,way to ,celebrate ,them--,form of ,invitation4 ,,vi4 ,,house ,,and ,,church ,,weddings #ie ,dress for ,bride1 ,bridegroom1 ,bridesmaids1 ,ushers1 and ,other ,members of the ,bridal ,party--,dress of ,guests--,gifts and ,how to ,present ,them--,etiquette of ,house and ,church ,weddings--,wedding ,breakfasts and ,receptions--,entertaining ,out-of-town ,guests4 ,,vii4 ,,public ,,dinners ,,and ,,receptions #ace ,luncheons of ,women's ,clubs--,duties of ,dinner and ,reception ,committees--,arrangements in ,suburban ,towns--,the ,courteous and the ,discourteous ,guest--,evening ,dress and ,demi-toilette4 ,,viii4 ,,balls ,,and ,,dances #aed ,dinner and ,subscription ,dances--,roof-garden ,dances--,reciprocal ,duties of the ,chaperon and ,her ,charge--,how to ,enter and ,how to ,leave a ,ballroom--,objectionable ,styles of ,dancing--,the ,stag ,line and the ,dance ,programme--,the ,hostess and ,her ,assistants--,the ,host--,introductions at ,public and at ,private ,dances--,duties of ,floor ,committee--,supper ,etiquette--,dress for ,young ,girls and ,married ,women--,dress for ,men4 ,,ix4 ,,automobile ,,trips #age ,the ,automobilist as ,host--,provision for ,comfort of ,guests--,duties of ,guest--,dress and ,luggage--,automobile ,picnics--,entertainment of ,chauffeur--,when a ,visit becomes a ,visitation4 ,x4 ,,bridge ,,parties ,,and ,,evening ,,receptions #ahi ,arrangement of the ,card-tables--,playing for ,prizes--,good and ,bad ,manners at the ,card-table--,why ,certain ,people are not ,asked--,duties of ,hostess--,card ,parties for ,charity--,dress and ,etiquette of ,evening ,receptions4 ,,xi4 ,,hotels1 ,,restaurants1 ,,and ,,roof-,,gardens #bjj ,how to ,entertain a ,guest at a ,hotel in the ,city and in the ,country--,etiquette for the ,guest in ,hotels and ,restaurants--,dress for ,morning1 ,afternoon1 and ,evening4 ,,xii4 ,,theater1 ,,opera1 ,,and ,,concert-,,hall #bae ,arrangements for ,formal and ,informal ,theater ,parties--,the ,supper--,the ,bachelor and ,his ,duties as ,host and as ,guest--,dress and ,behavior at the ,opera1 ,theater1 and ,concert-hall4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,good ,,form ,,for ,,all ,,occasions ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,good ,,form ,,for ,,all ,,occasions ,i ,,the ,,country ,,house ,etiquette and ,dress for the ,week-end ,visitor4--,duties of the ,host4--,the ,neglectful and the ,over-zealous ,hostess4--,bread-and-butter ,letters4 ,,the special trunks now readily procurable for week-end visits remind us not to burden our friends with heavy or excessive luggage4 ,the visitor may have difficulty in deciding what costumes to carry4 ,hence a considerate hostess often mentions in her note of invitation what the out-of-door amusements are likely to be4 ,if a tennis-court1 golf-course1 skating-rink1 or toboggan-slide is available1 she does well to say so4 ,a host who lives by the seaside will perhaps take his guests out in a canoe or a motor-boat or offer them the pleasures of surf-bathing4 ,if the week-end guest receives no friendly hints about the wardrobe needed1 she must be guided by a knowledge of the tastes and habits of the household she is to visit4 ,if she is in ignorance of these1 she will take into consideration the age of her hosts and the kind of place in which they live4 ,thus1 if ,doris is invited to stay at ,newport or some other gay and fashionable watering-place1 she will need handsomer costumes and a greater variety of them than would be appropriate at a quiet spot in the real country4 ,in the same way1 if her entertainers are rich people whose mode of living is very expensive and who invite many guests1 she will require her best clothes4 ,three changes of costume should ordinarily suffice--a short1 plain skirt1 suitable for walking or out-of-door sports1 with body of the same material or separate shirt-waist either white or of corresponding color1 an evening gown1 and one for afternoon or church wear4 ,the last named will suffice for the evening also if ,doris is staying with friends who live quietly in the country4 ,an old but extremely convenient arrangement is to have the afternoon costume made with a removable yoke1 thus serving two purposes4 ,the ,english fashion of wearing a dcollet toilette for late dinner is popular with the smart set in our large cities1 but is by no means general in ,america4 ,it is a pretty custom for young girls1 and many follow it1 wearing simple frocks of white muslin or similar material in their own homes4 ,for a visit in the country one should always take rubbers or stout shoes4 ,for tennis1 rubber soles are necessary1 as those of leather tear up the court4 ,while some country hostesses are very thoughtful about providing extra wraps1 a wise guest1 especially if she is inclined to be chilly1 will carry a warm coat or cloak4 ,an older woman would appear in the evening in a dress cut out somewhat at the throat1 or with a lace yoke or jabot if her health did not permit the exposure of her neck4 ,she would choose silk or some handsome material made up in a dressy way1 with a train longer or shorter according to the fashion4 ,short dresses are much worn at the present moment4 ,doris should take a pair of long white gloves for the evening1 as she will need them if there is to be a formal dinner1 also a pair of dress slippers1 with stockings to match4 ,for a week-end visit in summer a young man would carry a pair of white-flannel trousers1 a soft shirt of flannel1 silk1 ,madras1 linen1 or other material1 and golf or tennis shoes4 ,he would also take for evening wear a dinner-coat1 with trousers and waistcoat to match1 a black tie1 patent-leather pumps or low shoes1 and a couple of dress-shirts4 ,during the heat of midsummer great latitude is allowed in the matter of evening dress4 ,thus1 at the informal weekly dances of the ,rumson ,country ,club1 at ,seabright1 near ,new ,york1 hardly a dress-coat is to be seen1 the men all wearing dinner-coats4 ,many of them substitute a white belt for a waistcoat1 white-duck trousers for the usual black ones1 and soft white shirts or those with narrow plaits for the regulation stiff-bosomed dress-shirt4 ,in winter the week-end visitor with out-of-door tastes would take a sweater and a toboggan-cap for skating or coasting4 ,at either season of the year he would travel in his business suit1 and would wear this to church should his hosts take him there on ,sunday4 ,formal afternoon dress 7see ,chapter ,,vi7 is the correct attire in which to appear at church2 but business suits are often worn and are permissible for the week-end visitor1 because he cannot conveniently carry many varieties of costume in a suit-case4 ,if the hostess has named a particular train1 the visitor should always take that4 ,should she be delayed1 she should telephone or telegraph saying when she will arrive4 ,a host living in the country usually sends a conveyance to the station for his guests or comes to meet them himself4 ,if the carriage or car is a hired one1 the visitor offers to pay for it1 but does not insist upon doing so4 ,where the trip to the friend's house is made in a trolley-car1 the guest is seldom allowed to pay his own fare4 ,sometimes the latter arrives and there is no one to meet him4 ,for a man it is usually easy to hire a cab or take a trolley-car4 ,for a young girl traveling alone the situation may be awkward1 especially if the place is unfamiliar to her4 ,after waiting a little while for her friends1 it is perfectly proper for her to call them up over the telephone and ask for directions4 ,it is usual to tell a guest soon after her arrival the hours for meals4 ,should this be forgotten and should the lunch or dinner hour be approaching1 ,doris may make the necessary inquiries4 ,in a very formal household she would ask one of the maids4 ,should one of the latter offer to unpack ,doris's trunk or suit-case the young girl may accept or not1 as she pleases4 ,there has been some effort made to import from aristocratic countries the custom of having a valet or maid attend to this duty and assist the guest in his or her toilette4 ,the good-natured fun made of these usages by recent writers reminds us that they are inappropriate in a democratic country4 ,it is true that for certain styles of costume1 such as a dress that fastens in the back1 the fair wearer needs a little assistance4 ,but as a rule the ,american spirit makes us prefer to be independent1 whether of kings or of lackeys4 ,self-reliance is almost indispensable in a land where fortunes are lost as well as made with such speed and frequency4 ,a guest should be punctual at all meals and on all occasions4 ,with regard to breakfast a diversity of customs exists1 the family assembling for the meal at most houses1 while many people prefer to take it in their own rooms4 ,a guest will endeavor to conform to the usage of the household4 ,if the hostess proposes to have his breakfast sent up1 he may accept the offer1 unless he has reason to suppose that this will be inconvenient4 ,in the evening he will be careful not to keep his hosts up beyond the hour when they ordinarily retire for the night4 ,for a week-end visit a guest places his time at the disposal of his entertainers and does not usually make any engagements elsewhere4 ,should it happen1 however1 that he wishes especially to call on friends in the neighborhood1 he should mention this soon after his arrival1 so that the trip may be arranged for an hour that will not interfere with the plans of his host4 ,the agreeable guest falls in readily with these4 ,he tries to have a pleasant time himself and to contribute to the pleasure of others1 even if some of them are tedious people4 ,he will enjoy talking with the most interesting person present1 but will not try to monopolize the lion of the occasion4 ,if an excursion is proposed to see something he has seen many times before1 or to do a thing he especially dislikes1 he will not say3 8,oh1 ,i know that place by heart60 or 8,what a bore60 but will make the best of the situation4 ,should he have any 8parlor tricks10 such as the ability to sing1 recite1 or tell fortunes1 he will be ready to display these at an opportune moment4 ,a guest1 however1 should follow rather than lead4 ,it is the province of the host to make the programme and arrangements4 ,the visitor must be careful not to behave as if he thought it was his party6 ,while1 as we have said1 he will join in the amusements1 he will not overstep the limits prescribed by good-breeding4 ,it sometimes happens that a group of young people1 carried away by the contagion of high spirits1 will behave like boisterous school-children4 ,the manners of our day are much less formal than those of an earlier generation1 but they impose of necessity a certain degree of restraint4 ,our girls and young men must remember that it is always easy to relapse into the barbarism from which mankind has emerged by a slow and tedious process4 ,as the cultivated apple-tree tends always to return to the wild crab1 so does our civilization1 if it is not vigilantly guarded1 incline to revert to the savagery of the primitive man4 ,a guest should never feel obliged to join in anything which he considers wrong4 ,thus1 if it is proposed to play cards for money he should simply say1 8,can't we arrange another table8 ,i always play for coffee-beans10 or make some other half-jesting remark4 ,in a word1 while he quietly maintains his own opinions1 he should avoid saying anything in criticism of those who differ with him4 ,if he thinks it wrong to drink wine or beer1 or does not care to do so1 he should place his open hand palm downward against the side of the glass when the servant offers to fill this4 ,should it be filled by mistake the guest need not feel compelled to drink the wine4 ,among well-bred people his failure to do so would cause no comment4 ,it is only very young and inexperienced or extremely timid persons who fancy that it is necessary to behave like the proverbial sheep blindly following the leader4 ,a girl who should undertake to smoke a cigarette simply because those around her were doing so would clearly demonstrate1 not her good manners1 but her lack of backbone4 ,in the opinion of most people there is nothing wicked in the use of tobacco4 ,but the great majority of ,americans consider it in bad taste for women to smoke1 especially in public4 ,doris should inquire in good season about the trains and ascertain to which one it will be convenient to send her4 ,she should never stay beyond the time for which she was originally invited1 unless under exceptional circumstances4 ,a week-end visit is supposed to terminate on ,monday morning1 or a business man may find it necessary to leave on ,sunday evening4 ,the out-of-town hostess does well to select her guests from those who enjoy out-door sports or who are fond of the country and its amusements4 ,of course1 such a choice is not always possible1 and in the heat of midsummer every one likes to have a breath of fresh air and to escape from the noise and dust of the city streets4 ,for a house-party it is best to ask persons of more or less congenial tastes1 who will therefore be likely to enjoy the same things4 ,while the affair will be more successful if some of the guests are already acquainted with one another1 an agreeable stranger may add a pleasant variety4 ,people who see one another constantly in the city may find it tiresome to meet at a week-end party4 ,if neither the hostess nor her deputy goes to meet the guest at the station1 some member of the family should be on hand to welcome the latter on her arrival at the house4 ,the guest-rooms should be well aired1 made warm in winter and cool in summer4 ,unless the hostess has servants who are thoroughly reliable1 she should visit these apartments before the arrival of her friends and make sure that all is in order1 with everything provided for the comfort of her guests4 ,there should be plenty of bed-clothes suitable for the time of year1 a supply of stationery and sewing-materials1 a few good books1 a well-lighted dressing-table1 some bureau and closet space1 and ample washing facilities4 ,at night the visitor should always find a pitcher or glass of drinking-water in her room and a few crackers4 ,as we have already said1 the hostess arranges the programme for the visit4 ,she should not1 however1 insist too strenuously on its strict fulfilment4 ,the entertainment must be fitted to the guests2 they should not be expected to fit exactly into it1 as if they were so many pegs in a cribbage-board4 ,the plans must be elastic2 a wide margin should be left for the tastes and preferences of different individuals4 ,the hostess does well to think out beforehand1 perhaps to write down on paper1 a provisional programme for each day4 ,but if every one is happy playing tennis1 she will not drag the players out in a motor-car simply because her schedule says1 8,tuesday1 #e o'clock1 all ride in automobile06 ,her social experience has probably shown her that two people may talk so long together as to become utterly bored4 ,with an anxious eye she sees that ,jack ,quarterback has been talking for half an hour to ,ida ,vergil1 the clever young ,latinist from ,vassar4 ,she bears down upon them1 dragging reluctant in her wake ,thomas ,pundit1 a prize-winner from the verdant shades of ,princeton4 ,now in breaking up this particular tte--tte1 the chtelaine is making the mistake of her life4 ,ida has been listening with the deepest interest to ,jack's story of how he stood ,x---- on his head and made the famous end-run that saved the day for ,yale4 ,at this moment her indifference to all the classic authors is supreme4 ,she greets ,pundit as coldly as if he were indeed a ,latin lexicon instead of a fairly good-looking young man4 ,in this magical hour the glitter of his prizes is as nothing to her4 ,the over-zealous hostess perceives she has made a mistake1 though she played the game according to her rules4 ,if either party had shown signs of distress1 if ,ida had yawned behind her fan or ,jack had cast furtive glances around the room indicating a desire to escape1 ,mrs4 ,anxious would have been justified in her manuver4 ,a certain hostess who lived not a hundred miles from the ,hub used to irritate her guests very much by breaking up the conversation at the expiration of what she considered the time-limit4 ,she entertained so charmingly in other respects that people enjoyed going to her house4 ,but they disliked very much her habit of interrupting a talk4 ,most persons prefer to direct their own affairs4 ,the guiding hand of the hostess should be felt rather than seen4 ,while her guests may rebel at the social maternalism which hampers their freedom of action1 they prefer ,mrs4 ,anxious to the inert or cold and formal house-mistress who seems quite indifferent to their welfare4 ,the neglectful hostess may be lazy or inexperienced1 or she may lack the true spirit of hospitality4 ,in the first case her guests will forgive her if she is trying to do her best4 ,since laziness is a form of selfishness1 the woman who takes no pains to provide entertainment for her friends is seldom popular4 ,the worst offender1 however1 is the hostess who is so much occupied with her own amusements that she has neither time nor thought to bestow on other people4 ,the question naturally arises in their minds1 8,why did she invite us8 ,was it simply to show us her finely appointed household80 ,during the morning hours the lady of the house may reasonably ask to be excused4 ,she may be in the habit of breakfasting in her room1 while later letters and household cares will occupy her time4 ,if she does not expect to appear until the luncheon-hour1 however1 she should inquire overnight whether there is anything she can do for her guests in the morning4 ,although these will usually occupy themselves and amuse one another in the forenoon1 their entertainer will have some plans probably for the afternoon and almost certainly for the evening4 ,it is wise to arrange the night before1 or betimes in the morning1 the programme for the day1 so that the guests will know what to expect4 ,if these are all young people and the hostess an older woman1 she will hardly take part in the more active out-of-door amusements4 ,where there is neither son nor daughter of the house1 as deputy in the sports1 it often happens that a young friend acts for the lady of the house4 ,the hostess should1 if possible1 be on hand to receive the adieux of the departing guests4 ,if these are to leave in the morning and forget to inquire overnight about the train service1 the hostess may with perfect propriety ask at what time they would like to start4 ,she should do so in a tactful way1 and might say1 for instance3 8,at what hour are you obliged to be in ,new ,york1 ,miss ,y----8 ,i should like to let the chauffeur know to-night1 so that he may be ready in good season to take you to the train40 ,a 8bread-and-butter letter0 thanking the lady of the house for her hospitality should be written within a few days of the visit4 ,if the guest is a young girl she should write very promptly1 in order to let her hostess know of her safe arrival at her destination4 ,such a note need not be long1 but it should show a cordial appreciation of the kindness received4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,ii ,,afternoon ,,teas ,,and ,,receptions ,,for ,,the ,d,,butante--8,,th ,,dansant0 ,dress and ,behavior of ,guests--,dress and ,etiquette for the ,hostess and ,her ,assistants--,formal and ,informal ,occasions--,who ,may ,send ,flowers4 ,,afternoon teas maintain their popularity because they present the simplest and easiest way of receiving one's circle of friends and acquaintances4 ,like the magic cloak of fable1 they expand or shrink to suit the requirements and resources of every hostess1 whether she be rich or in modest circumstances1 whether she wishes to ask several hundred persons to a stately city mansion or half a dozen friends to a quiet country villa4 ,for presenting a young girl to society they are especially convenient4 ,all the old family friends will appreciate the opportunity of seeing the dbutante and welcoming her to her new sphere1 without going to the trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress and hiring a carriage4 ,to many elderly people1 evening dances1 with the late hours1 indigestible suppers1 and fatigue necessarily involved1 are very distasteful4 ,the guest can judge of the nature of the afternoon occasion by the style of the invitation4 ,for a large and formal reception1 it is usual to send out some little time in advance engraved cards of generous size4 ,the name of the dbutante is placed beneath that of her mother1 followed by the statement that they will be at home on such and such a day and hour1 at number so-and-so in a certain street4 ,for a smaller and less pretentious occasion1 or for a series of teas1 the hostess uses her own visiting-cards1 on which her daughter's name may also be engraved4 ,the day or days and hours are sometimes written in and sometimes engraved4 ,neither of these forms of invitation requires any answer1 except that those who are unable to attend the affair send a visiting-card in time to reach the house the same day or the day after4 ,if there are two hostesses 7the dbutante and her mother1 for instance71 a lady should send two cards4 ,a gentleman sometimes sends three1 the third being intended for the master of the house4 ,no comments should be written on these4 ,if one desires to express especial regret to a hostess whom one knows fairly well1 a note may accompany the visiting-card4 ,the question is sometimes asked by correspondents1 8,is it obligatory to attend a series of teas or receptions to which an invitation has been received80 ,courtesy demands that we shall1 if possible1 go to one of the occasions4 ,only an intimate friend or a person especially invited would attend all of them4 ,should one be unable to go1 it is not necessary to send cards of acknowledgment until the last of the afternoons4 ,persons who are in deep mourning1 or who are prevented by some other reason from accepting the invitation1 sometimes send their cards soon after it is received and so signify their inability to be present4 ,the proper dress for guests at an afternoon tea or reception is street or reception costume4 ,the latter1 according to present fashion1 consists of silk1 brocade1 velvet1 or other handsome material if the wearer is a married woman or a single one who is no longer in her first youth4 ,it should not be very light in color nor very showy if it is to be worn in a public conveyance4 ,the woman who appears in a very handsome toilette should take a carriage1 since it is in bad taste to make oneself conspicuous in train or trolley-car4 ,or she may cover up her dress with a long outer garment--called 8,cache-misre0 by the ,french4 ,a young girl eschews brocades and other rich fabrics4 ,her reception costume may be of woolen or silken stuff1 but it should preserve the simplicity of style which is at once appropriate and becoming to young people4 ,white gloves are demanded by the present fashion1 although some ladies wear black ones1 while the shortness of the skirts makes dainty footgear very desirable4 ,it is offending against good taste as well as against common sense1 however1 to walk through the streets in the wintry season clad in slippers so thin and stockings so transparent that they make the beholder shiver4 ,they look as much out-of-place as heavy furs in the heat of summer4 ,for teas in the country greater informality is permissible1 some young and pretty women appearing in golfing or skating costume1 with red sweater and cap to match4 ,such a dress is not to be recommended for general wear1 however1 few persons having the air and distinction necessary to carry it off4 ,the conventional costume for men at an afternoon reception is 8formal afternoon dress0--i4e41 black cutaway or frock-coat1 black or fancy waistcoat1 dark1 striped trousers1 patent-leather shoes1 and an ,ascot or four-in-hand tie4 ,a dark-gray cutaway suit 7coat1 waistcoat1 and trousers all being of the same material7 may also be worn4 ,it must be confessed1 however1 that men now appear in a diversity of costumes on these occasions4 ,at tea-dances they dress as they find convenient4 ,the lady of the house wears a gown of silk1 satin1 velvet1 or other handsome material made with a train1 and either high or somewhat cut out in the neck4 ,bare throats are much in vogue at the present moment1 but it is thought in better taste to reserve the full dcollet dress for late dinner and evening wear4 ,some hostesses put on gloves for a formal reception1 others do not4 ,the ladies who pour tea or assist in receiving the guests arrive early and appear in a costume similar to that of the hostess4 ,they usually remove their hats1 although the older women sometimes prefer to keep them on4 ,a white frock of a thin1 transparent material1 made simply and with little trimming1 is the prettiest costume for the dbutante4 ,according to the present fashion this is often cut almost as low in the neck as an evening dress4 ,the young friends who act as her assistants wear similar gowns of some light color4 ,if they choose silken fabrics1 these should be of light weight4 ,on arriving1 the visitor should leave her cards on the hall-table1 unless the person opening the door carries a salver for them4 ,at a large tea there is usually a dressing-room1 where the guest may leave her outer wraps1 with the exception of her hat4 ,this she always retains4 ,when she reaches the door of the drawing-room1 a man-servant may ask her name for the purpose of announcing it to the hostess4 ,at a large reception1 where many people may be present whom the lady of the house knows very slightly1 such a reminder is very convenient4 ,in a small country place or suburban town1 where all are acquainted1 it would obviously be out of place4 ,if a guest hears her own name bawled out in stentorian tones1 it reminds her that her first duty on entering the drawing-room is to find the hostess and shake hands with her4 ,while the present tango craze lasts this will sometimes be difficult4 ,with old and young spinning about the room like so many dancing dervishes1 the visitor must thread her way warily between the couples1 lest she be run down as by a motor-car4 ,in order to prevent such a catastrophe1 the ,new ,york hostess who is giving a tea-dance receives her guests in the tea-room2 or if she does so in the drawing-room she arranges to have the end where she stands kept clear of dancers4 ,on the left of the hostess stands the dbutante1 who is presented to the women guests by her mother1 the men being introduced to her4 ,there may be assistant hostesses in the receiving-line1 or they may be scattered about the rooms doing the honors of the house4 ,the visitor would probably like to have a little chat with the lady of the house before passing on1 especially if she knows few persons in the room4 ,if she arrives at the crowded hour when a stream of people are entering1 she must only delay for a moment4 ,it is usually possible by watching one's chance to return later when the crowd has entered the dining-room and the hostesses have a little leisure to chat with those who really wish to see them4 ,a courteous person is careful to pay due attention to the lady of the house and to have some talk with her should opportunity offer4 ,if the guest finds any acquaintances1 she will enjoy the occasion2 if she does not1 she may agree with the masculine verdict that 8,teas are a bore40 ,it is the pleasant province of the assistant hostesses--usually young friends of the daughter of the house--to look after the welfare of the guests1 especially of those who appear to be strangers4 ,the conversation1 it is true1 is brief and perfunctory4 ,it is limited usually to an invitation to go into the dining-room1 the visitor mumbling an acceptance and moving in the direction indicated4 ,to be thus made welcome1 however1 by a young girl of gracious manners gives a personal touch of hospitality that is very agreeable4 ,the assistant hostesses address in this way persons whom they do not know1 as well as friends and acquaintances4 ,arrived at that ,mecca of afternoon teas1 the dining-room1 one does not on a formal occasion remove one's gloves1 albeit it seems rather a foolish fashion to hold sandwiches with fingers clad in white kid4 ,here the young girls who assist in waiting upon the guests have the advantage1 as they may remove their gloves if they please4 ,the dining-room is the center of attraction on these occasions1 not only on account of the refreshments1 but because it usually seems brighter and gayer than the other apartments1 unless dancing is going on elsewhere4 ,the guests should resist the temptation to linger there1 however1 as the room is apt to grow hot and overcrowded4 ,since there is not usually room for all at the same time1 evidently one should take one's turn4 ,it is not necessary to stay long at an afternoon tea4 ,during the height of the season in a large city1 many of these affairs take place on the same afternoon1 the guests going from one to another4 ,it suffices to remain from a quarter to a half hour4 ,at a small and friendly 8tea0 or at a house where one feels much at home1 people stay longer if they are amused4 ,one should take leave of the hostess1 unless she is so surrounded with people as to make this difficult4 ,at a large reception1 the coming and going of a constant stream of guests makes it necessary for the lady of the house to remain in her place or very near it throughout the afternoon4 ,she usually stands in the drawing-room near enough to the entrance to be readily accessible1 and yet far enough away to prevent the blocking of the doorway4 ,a crowd would be apt to form there if the guests stopped at once to speak to the hostess4 ,she should shake hands cordially with all4 ,the dbutante does the same1 although she may1 if she prefer1 simply bow or courtesy to the gentlemen4 ,she remains beside her mother throughout the afternoon1 or certainly until all the guests have arrived4 ,at a small tea the hostess feels at liberty to move about more freely4 ,she may even enter the dining-room late in the afternoon1 although she must be careful to return to her position should there be late-comers4 ,for a large and formal occasion in the city1 a carpet for the sidewalk is provided1 and usually an awning4 ,a man is stationed at the curbstone to open the doors of the carriages and to give checks to the guests and the drivers or chauffeurs4 ,a servant1 usually a man1 stands at the front door1 opening it as soon as a guest appears4 ,one or more maids are in the dressing-room ready to assist the ladies4 ,if a great many guests are expected1 there are checks for the coats4 ,we have already said that a man-servant should be stationed just outside the door of the drawing-room1 if the names are to be announced4 ,in the dining-room two or more caterer's assistants or expert waitresses will be needed to wait upon the guests4 ,the pouring of the tea is such a characteristic and pleasant feature of these occasions that it is seen often1 although not always1 at large and formal receptions4 ,for smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable4 ,an assistant hostess usually presides at each end of the table1 one pouring coffee1 chocolate1 or bouillon1 the other tea4 ,in summer cool beverages1 such as lemonade1 fruit-punch1 or wine-cup1 may be used2 but where older people are present1 tea1 either iced or hot1 is almost indispensable4 ,whatever the season of the year1 if the day is cold and wet a warm drink should be provided4 ,sandwiches of many kinds1 little cakes1 bonbons1 and salted nuts are the usual refreshments1 to which ices are often added1 and occasionally salads and oysters4 ,the latter are more appropriate for a reception to which men are asked than to a tea4 ,the young friends of the dbutante should keep a watchful eye on the guests to see that all are served4 ,they themselves often act as amateur waitresses4 ,it is very charming to see a young and pretty girl seated behind the tea-urn4 ,candor compels us to admit1 however1 that the quality of the beverage is more likely to be satisfactory when a person of some experience officiates4 ,we do not forget that fair and blooming ,hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods1 and we are delighted to have her modern representative serve in that capacity4 ,but why1 oh why1 was she removed to make room for ,ganymede8 ,in the absence of precise information1 it is our opinion that she attempted not only to pour out1 but to concoct1 the nectar of ,mount ,olympus4 ,being young and giddy1 she presumably gave honey to some gouty old deity to whom all sweets were forbidden1 hence lost her position4 ,it is not a very difficult thing to make a good cup of tea1 but it needs a little practice and undivided attention4 ,since most persons now like the beverage very weak1 there should be a large supply of hot water1 and this should be frequently replenished4 ,little wire contrivances can be purchased to take the place of the silver tea-ball2 or a number of small bags may be made by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry leaves in a piece of cheese-cloth4 ,boiling water is poured over the tea1 or the latter is immersed for a moment in a cup which has just been filled with hot water4 ,it should be withdrawn very quickly1 in order to avoid the unpleasant and unwholesome taste produced by allowing the leaves to steep in the hot fluid4 ,for large and formal receptions1 music of a rather subdued character is sometimes provided4 ,a stringed orchestra of three or four pieces may be stationed in a convenient nook or corner1 partially screened from view by tall plants in pots or other variety of greenery4 ,this convention makes one smile1 because the stout ,german musicians are plainly visible among the foliage1 their spectacled faces and rotund figures contrasting curiously with the sylvan groves in which they are immured4 ,doubtless the arrangement conduces to their comfort1 however1 and protects them from the careless feet of passers-by4 ,if a costumed band is employed1 it is placed where it can be seen and admired4 ,if there is to be dancing1 the music is of a louder and more pronounced character4 ,according to the fashion of the moment1 there is such a beating of drums as would delight the heart of the simple savage in his forest wilds4 ,the floral decorations may be few and simple or elaborate and profuse1 as the taste and means of the hostess dictate4 ,at a reception for a dbutante1 the drawing-rooms may be filled to overflowing with bouquets and cut flowers sent by friends and admirers4 ,it is now the fashion to greet the young girl in this charming way1 strewing her path with fragrant blossoms1 figuratively speaking4 ,many of these come1 doubtless1 from the family connections1 but any friend or acquaintance is at liberty to send flowers in moderation4 ,obviously1 it would not be in good taste for a young man who was only slightly acquainted with the dbutante to order a very large and expensive bouquet for her coming-out reception4 ,in a large city it is possible to engage the services of a florist for an hour or two1 in order to arrange the floral gifts quickly and to the best advantage4 ,otherwise the family may be overwhelmed by the sudden avalanche of sweet blossoms1 and the supply of vases available may give out early in the day4 ,for a formal reception in winter artificial light is ordinarily used1 the shutters being closed or the shades drawn down4 ,at an informal tea it is pleasant to have the daylight as long as it lasts2 but one should turn on the electricity or the gas before the rooms begin to grow dim and gloomy4 ,as the season advances and the days become longer1 most people find it refreshing to let in the sunlight4 ,for a small and informal tea it suffices to have two maid-servants in attendance4 ,the waitress removes the cups and spoons as soon as they have been used1 brings in fresh supplies1 and assists in passing tea and cake to the guests4 ,the other woman opens the door1 washes the tea-things in the butler's pantry1 and helps wherever she is needed4 ,at a studio or an apartment house in the city1 or in a quiet village in the country1 the hostess and her friends sometimes attend to all these duties themselves4 ,the dish-washing must1 of course1 be conducted in a separate room1 or in case of necessity it may take place behind a screen4 ,the young girls slip on big aprons for this task and make merry over it4 ,tea-biscuits1 little fancy cakes1 and bonbons are the refreshments usually provided4 ,sandwiches are very popular1 but they are rather troublesome to make and expensive to buy because of the labor involved4 ,a 8curate's assistant0 is a convenient adjunct for a small tea4 ,cake1 buns1 muffins1 and buttered toast may be passed on this little three-storied stand4 ,a reception for a dbutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper for the young friends who have assisted her4 ,young men may be asked to this1 and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward4 ,a supper is found by experience to be better than a dinner1 because the consumption of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one's appetite4 ,it must be said that the th dansant has taken the place of the ordinary afternoon tea to a considerable extent4 ,alas for the elderly dowagers who found the latter so enjoyable6 ,there is no room for them at the dancing-tea1 and they are not invited because they would be sure to come if they were6 ,these affairs are held at ,ladies' ,clubs or at private houses4 ,a number of young girls come without their hats and act as hostess's assistants4 ,they mingle with the guests and help in introducing partners to the young women4 ,as has been said elsewhere in this chapter1 the hostess usually receives in the tea-room on these occasions4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,iii ,,breakfasts ,,and ,,luncheons ,how to ,give ,them and ,what to ,wear--,etiquette of the ,buffet ,luncheon--,entertaining ,distinguished ,strangers4 ,,in the days of our grandmothers it was the custom in this country to dine in the middle of the day or in the early afternoon4 ,children then1 as now1 carried bread-and-butter1 cookies1 or some light refreshment to school4 ,the members of the family who remained at home either ate nothing between breakfast and dinner or took a light lunch if the interval were very long4 ,it must be remembered that the old-fashioned heavy ,american breakfast stayed the pangs of hunger for a considerable period of time4 ,we are shocked in these days at the idea of eating heartily in the early morning4 ,we must not forget that in the middle of the last century the light evening tea or supper1 as it was called1 was much less satisfying than our modern late dinner4 ,hence every one was quite ready and hungry for breakfast4 ,luncheon as a formal meal was then almost unknown in ,america4 ,people who wished to entertain friends early in the day1 and who were familiar with ,english customs1 occasionally gave a breakfast4 ,with the adoption of the late dinner the evolution of luncheon as a midday repast naturally followed4 ,lunch-parties have long been extremely popular in this country4 ,they have completely overshadowed their older sister1 the 8breakfast10 so that the latter term is not often applied to midday entertainments1 except under certain circumstances4 ,thus we speak of the collation served at a morning wedding as a 8breakfast10 and the word is also used to describe club festivities4 ,the lunch-party being usually a ladies' affair1 it is sometimes said that the presence of men changes the function to a breakfast4 ,for the rest1 the two forms of entertainment are very much alike save that the earlier meal1 in order to deserve its name1 should take place not later than twelve or soon after1 and should be simpler and less formal in its appointments than the later one4 ,thus1 plain linen napery would be more appropriate than a cloth trimmed with lace4 ,a breakfast usually begins with fruit1 and includes a course of eggs served in some form4 ,otherwise the bill of fare is very much like that of a lunch1 save that it is shorter1 and ices and wines are not served except at large and formal functions4 ,occasionally some enterprising hostess invites a few friends to a breakfast that really deserves its name1 the hour being nine or half-past nine o'clock4 ,travelers of distinction whose time is much occupied may still be open to engagements in the early morning4 ,a meal of this sort must necessarily be brief and informal4 ,oranges1 melons1 or whatever fruit is in season1 cereal with cream1 eggs and bacon or omelette1 broiled chicken1 toast or muffins with orange marmalade or some other kind of jam would make a good menu4 ,indeed1 the chicken could be omitted where only one or two guests were expected4 ,the lady of the house should preside over the tea and coffee equipage1 thus giving the personal touch of hospitality which is not possible at a more ceremonious meal4 ,chocolate also may be served4 ,breakfast plates of good size should be used1 and in winter these should be warmed for the hot course or courses4 ,the hostess may wear a pretty morning gown or street dress 7with the exception of the hat71 if she expects to go out after breakfast4 ,the guests leave soon after the meal is over4 ,the women wear a simple street costume2 or1 if they are about to take part in some sport1 they may appear in tennis1 shooting1 or other special dress4 ,they do not remove their hats4 ,there was an attempt made recently in ,new ,york to introduce the dancing-breakfast1 the guests leaving the table and executing the hesitation waltz or the one-step between the courses4 ,the experiment does not seem likely to be repeated4 ,luncheon is1 in theory at least1 always an informal meal4 ,hence the invitations are usually conveyed in the form of a friendly note or given over the telephone4 ,some hostesses use a partly engraved card for their invitations to luncheon1 filling in the date1 hour1 and name of guest4 ,for a club or similar function the invitations are usually engraved4 ,the guests may be few or many1 as the hostess pleases4 ,she must take into consideration1 however1 the size of her dining-table and of her rooms4 ,there must be space enough for the attendants to pass around the former without crowding the guests4 ,the young and inexperienced house-mistress may need a word of caution about her china and glass4 ,unless she wishes to invest in new dishes1 she should take an inventory of them before issuing her invitations4 ,it is awkward to ask eight guests and then find your best dessert-plates are a half-dozen set4 ,while plates1 forks1 etc41 may be washed1 and so be used a second time at the same meal1 it is better to have enough on hand for the entire luncheon4 ,washing delays the service1 a thing now considered very undesirable4 ,for the woman who possesses a handsome dining-table it is customary to use a centerpiece and place doilies1 thus showing a portion of the polished wood4 ,a white linen table-cloth is always in good style1 however1 no matter what the fad of the moment may be4 ,the centerpieces for the bare table now come of generous size1 being virtually miniature lunch-cloths4 ,some are composed entirely of lace1 and some have a border of that material4 ,the accompanying place doilies should have a pad or a piece of canton flannel beneath them1 to protect the table from the heat of the dishes4 ,a vase1 rose-bowl1 or loving-cup filled with flowers is placed in the middle of the table4 ,if this is set on a silver salver it adds to the decorative effect4 ,two or four smaller vases of corresponding shape and material may be placed in such a way as to form a hollow square around the central one1 standing at some distance from it4 ,a handsome dish of fruit makes an effective centerpiece1 or two dishes may form part of the decorative scheme1 one being placed on either side of the table4 ,if artificial light is to be used1 two candelabra or four single candlesticks may be set in the spaces between the vases4 ,the shades of these should correspond in color with the flowers4 ,where there is good daylight1 however1 it is in the opinion of the writer greatly to be preferred4 ,little dishes of olives1 radishes1 celery--hors d'uvres1 as they are called--small fancy cakes1 bonbons1 and fruit1 either fresh or dried1 add to the decorative effect4 ,a salt-cellar and pepper-pot may be put at each place1 at each corner of the table1 or on the edge of the centerpiece or lunch-cloth1 where it is sufficiently large to bring them within easy reach4 ,a bread-and-butter plate1 with miniature silver knife1 is provided for each person4 ,it should stand at the left1 where two or three silver forks--as many as will be needed before the sweet course--are also placed4 ,at the right there should be a goblet or tumbler1 a napkin with a roll or piece of bread folded in it1 and one or more knives as occasion may require4 ,if the bones are left in the fish1 a silver knife should be provided for it1 and one is sometimes put on for the salad4 ,since at luncheon soup is eaten out of cups with two handles instead of from plates1 a dessert-spoon or large teaspoon is set at the right or at the top of each place4 ,if there is grape-fruit1 a fruit-spoon or teaspoon will also be needed4 ,one finger-roll1 or two rolls if they are very small1 may be put in each bread-and-butter plate1 instead of in the napkin4 ,the serving of wine at luncheon is rapidly going out of fashion4 ,a hostess belonging to the older generation sometimes offers her guests ,rhine wine--a light1 white wine--or1 if there are men present1 sherry or claret4 ,in this case a wine-glass is set beside the water-goblet at the right of each place1 and a decanter is placed on the sideboard4 ,wine-cup1 fruit-punch1 and similar beverages are served from a glass pitcher1 lemonade cups or small tumblers being substituted for wine-glasses4 ,slender1 narrow tumblers are also used for ,apollinaris and other effervescent waters1 which are often served instead of wine4 ,at a formal lunch the service is all from the side-table1 no dishes being set on the dinner-table with the exception of the ornamental ones mentioned above4 ,at an informal luncheon or dinner1 the carving may be done by the head of the house1 in accordance with the pleasant old custom4 ,many people prefer this method1 thinking it shows more hospitality than the service la ,russe4 ,an experienced waitress or butler can attend to the wants of six persons2 but for a formal lunch-party it is usual to have the assistance of a second maid or man when half a dozen or more are present4 ,in houses where there is much entertaining1 the parlor-maid or chambermaid is expected to help the butler or waitress whenever the number of guests makes this desirable4 ,in all large cities and in suburban towns of good size it is easy to hire a cook or a waitress for the day4 ,the correct dress for the latter is a plain black-stuff dress1 white apron with bretelles1 a plain linen collar and cuffs4 ,to this a little white cap is added1 unless the maid objects to wearing it on the ground that it is too much like a livery4 ,in a free and democratic country no man or woman should be obliged to wear the latter4 ,that it is a badge of servitude1 ,thackeray long ago demonstrated in his inimitable manner4 ,where a butler is employed he wears morning costume at luncheon--that is to say1 black coat and waistcoat1 dark trousers1 and black necktie4 ,the hostess should make out her bill of fare in good season1 as some of the dishes--the soup1 for instance--will need to be cooked on the day preceding the luncheon4 ,a bride may be tempted by the alluring advertisements bidding her to 8add hot water and serve40 ,the older matron knows that the stock prepared at home from fresh meat makes soup that is much superior to the ready-made article4 ,in a large city one can procure many excellent dishes at the confectioner's and pastry-cook's4 ,for a large buffet luncheon1 as for a ball supper1 the hostess should issue her order to some reliable firm of caterers4 ,for a lunch-party of smaller size1 she should endeavor to have the dishes cooked in her own kitchen4 ,almost every one now prefers home to hotel cooking1 if the former is all that it should be4 ,we should advise the young hostess1 therefore1 if she or her maid has a fair understanding of the culinary art1 to have the main staples of her bill of fare prepared at home4 ,certain articles it is usual to order from the caterer1 such as patty-shells and ices4 ,home-made ice-cream composed of real cream is the best of all1 but it takes time and trouble to prepare4 ,it is well to test the excellence of a recipe in the privacy of the family before offering it to guests4 ,the bill of fare for a luncheon is usually briefer now than formerly1 the emphasis being laid on the quality of the food rather than on the quantity4 ,fruit1 soup1 fish1 chicken or chops1 salad1 a sweet course1 and coffee make a menu that is amply sufficient for most people4 ,it may be extended by the addition of an entre--sweetbreads creamed or mushrooms1 perhaps--between the fish and the meat course4 ,the fish may be omitted1 or it may 8suffer a sea-change0 and become oyster soup4 ,a delicious bill of fare recently offered at a lunch for six ladies consisted of grape-fruit1 oyster soup1 fricasseed chicken served with sweet potatoes and string-beans1 lettuce salad1 brandied peaches surrounded with whipped cream1 coffee1 little cakes1 and candies4 ,the bill of fare may be varied in a great many ways1 and lengthened or shortened to suit the tastes and circumstances of the hostess and the season of the year4 ,a lady entertaining two or three friends at lunch very informally could offer them simply two or three courses with coffee or chocolate4 ,these would be soup1 chicken or some other form of meat with vegetables1 and a sweet dish4 ,when the weather becomes warm in the spring1 the soup would be replaced by salad served after the meat4 ,in summer cold dishes are popular1 but it is always well to have one or more hot courses4 ,certain old-fashioned hostesses still serve tea at luncheon1 pouring it out themselves1 and perhaps making it at the table4 ,the prevalence of the afternoon tea-drinking habit has resulted in banishing the 8cup that cheers but does not inebriate0 from the noonday meal in many houses4 ,the hostess wears a pretty house gown or street dress1 as she prefers4 ,she will choose the latter if she is going out as soon as her friends leave4 ,she does not1 however1 wear a hat4 ,the guests come in street or reception costume1 brocades being much worn at the present time by older women4 ,they are invited to leave their outer wraps in the hall1 the reception-room on the ground floor1 or up-stairs1 as the hostess may find most convenient4 ,they keep on hat and gloves1 however1 the latter being removed when they sit down at the table4 ,these may be turned back at the wrist should it be inconvenient to take them off altogether4 ,guests should arrive at the hour named or within five minutes afterward4 ,it is usual to wait a quarter of an hour for a late-comer4 ,to delay longer might interfere with the engagements of the other guests1 besides spoiling the food4 ,if the hostess has inefficient servants or only one maid1 she may find it necessary to excuse herself in order to inspect the arrangements of the table at the last moment4 ,in this case it is well to have a friend who will take the place of the hostess during her brief absence4 ,the luncheon is announced in the same way as dinner 7see ,chapter ,,iv74 ,the entrance to the dining-room is informal1 the hostess leading the way1 taking with her1 perhaps1 the oldest lady or the guest of honor4 ,the others follow without special order1 save that married women precede young girls4 ,if there are men present they come last4 ,usually a relative or familiar friend of the hostess takes the foot of the table opposite the latter4 ,the guest of honor sits at the right of the lady of the house2 the other places of distinction are at her left and at the right and left of the assistant hostess4 ,unless the occasion is a very formal one1 however1 a hostess will pay more attention to seating her guests beside congenial neighbors than to arranging them with strict regard to precedence4 ,it is now usual to serve coffee in the drawing-room at the conclusion of the luncheon in order to avoid the fatigue of sitting too long at table4 ,the guests depart soon after the conclusion of the meal1 as the hostess may have other engagements to fulfil4 ,in ,new ,york the whole lunch-party may vanish in ten or fifteen minutes4 ,if the ladies are not in haste or are having a very pleasant time1 they remain longer4 ,in the country they would be very apt to do so4 ,at a formal luncheon the guest of honor should be the first to take leave4 ,a lady who has some pressing engagement may excuse herself without waiting for the former4 ,a buffet luncheon is served from the sideboard or from the dining-table1 the guests sitting about the room4 ,it is a convenient form of entertainment where many people are to be provided for1 or where it is uncertain how many will be present4 ,the bill of fare should consist for the most part of articles that do not require cutting up1 since it is difficult to manage this with a plate resting upon one's knees4 ,sandwiches1 salads1 oysters1 croquettes1 and bouillon are all appropriate1 with coffee1 ices1 cake1 and bonbons4 ,at a simpler luncheon1 jellies or other sweet dishes may be substituted for the ices4 ,terrapin1 cold salmon1 and other expensive dainties may be added to the bill of fare if the host desires4 ,if only a small number of persons are present1 so that all can be seated at the same time1 guests have everything passed to them by the servants in attendance4 ,the fashion of the moment is to use little squares of soft1 embroidered linen for luncheon2 but these do not afford enough protection for the dress where one eats from the lap1 and larger napkins are to be preferred for this purpose at a buffet lunch4 ,where no servants are present the lady of the house1 assisted by one or two friends1 waits on the guests4 ,it is less formal1 however1 when the hostess asks all to help themselves4 ,if there are men present they wait upon the ladies4 ,this method of service is apt to be extravagant1 however1 since the amateur waiters often give portions that are unduly large4 ,it is better to have some one possessed of knowledge and experience to help to the various dishes at the table1 the gentlemen then passing the plates to the ladies4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,iv ,,dinners ,,formal ,,and ,,informal ,invitations and ,how to ,answer ,them--,telephone ,invitations--,hints for the ,young ,hostess--,dress for ,men and for ,women--,entering and ,leaving the ,dining-room--,etiquette of the ,formal ,dinner--,when to ,arrive and ,when to ,leave--,dressing-rooms--,dinner-calls4 ,,an engraved card is now used for the invitations to a formal dinner1 spaces being left blank for the day1 hour1 and name of guest1 as for instance3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,george ,hazleton request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,thomas ,allen's company at dinner on ,thursday1 ,april the ninth1 at eight o'clock ,thirty-three ,hamilton ,place ,the invitations are given in the name of husband and wife4 ,a widow living with a grown-up son would add his name1 as a widower would that of a daughter in society4 ,dinner invitations may be written in the third person1 or for an informal occasion in the first4 ,small sheets of perfectly plain white note-paper of the best quality1 with envelopes to match1 are always good form4 ,in a democratic country crests are in questionable taste1 although some persons use them1 embossed in white4 ,the address is often engraved in small and simple lettering at the top of the page4 ,in the gay season in a large city1 invitations to a formal dinner are sent out two weeks or more beforehand4 ,in ,washington the guests are sometimes invited a month in advance4 ,for an informal occasion a week or less suffices4 ,invitations by telephone are now extremely popular1 but they have some decided disadvantages4 ,the person invited1 being suddenly held up at the point of a gun1 as it were1 is likely to forget some other engagement for the same day and hour1 or she may feel constrained to accept when she would prefer to decline4 ,as she has no written record of the invitation1 it may slip her memory4 ,hence hostesses who are very exact send a note1 in addition to speaking to their friends over the telephone4 ,it is1 of course1 extremely convenient to do this when engagements must be made at short notice4 ,a hostess desiring to arrange a dinner or other occasion in honor of a certain guest1 may ascertain over the telephone whether he can come on a certain evening1 and then invite other friends to meet him4 ,the answer to an invitation to dinner should be sent as promptly as possible1 within twenty-four hours at the latest4 ,as husband and wife are always invited together1 except to a stag dinner1 so both must either accept or send regrets4 ,it is not good form for one to go without the other1 unless to the house of a near relation or an intimate friend4 ,an exception is sometimes made to this rule in the case of a married couple of widely divergent tastes4 ,thus a literary man who is fond of society may have a wife who does not like to dine out1 or whose health does not permit her to do so4 ,if he is a very agreeable and popular person1 it soon comes to be understood among their friends that he will accept invitations while his wife cannot4 ,although this dispensation is occasionally granted to men and women of unusual charm and ability1 the average citizen is expected to adhere strictly to the rule given above4 ,the answer to a dinner invitation must also be definite and exact4 ,if ,mrs4 ,jones is uncertain whether or not she or her husband will be able to attend the dinner1 she must send regrets for both4 ,the answer should correspond in form with the invitation4 8,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,samuel ,jones regret very much their inability to accept the kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,lloyd ,griswold for dinner on ,april eleventh10 or 8regret extremely that a previous engagement prevents their accepting10 etc4 ,the day and hour should be repeated in an acceptance1 to guard against possible mistakes4 ,a dinner engagement must never be broken except in case of sickness or death4 ,should one fall ill or be obliged for any imperative reason to withdraw the acceptance of the invitation1 the hostess should be notified at once in order that she may if possible fill the place left vacant4 ,for men the proper costume for late dinner 7at six o'clock or after7 is regulation evening dress--i4e41 black swallow-tail coat1 with trousers to match1 low-cut white waistcoat1 white dress-shirt1 white lawn tie1 pumps or patent-leather shoes1 and black socks4 ,some men1 especially those of the older generation1 still follow the earlier fashion which prescribed a black waistcoat4 ,the latter is also worn with mourning costume4 ,at stag dinners and small informal occasions the dinner-jacket replaces the swallow-tail coat and is accompanied by a plain black-silk tie4 ,this must be freshly fastened whenever worn4 ,a 8made0 tie of any sort is considered among men to be in direct violation of all rules of social decorum4 ,we do not pretend to understand why1 but it is one of the unalterable laws of masculine etiquette4 ,a white waistcoat is never worn with a dinner-jacket4 ,for a formal dinner the proper costume for women is a low-necked evening gown1 with sleeves either very short or of the length required by the fashion prevailing at the moment4 ,it is by no means necessary that the bodice should be extremely dcollet4 ,long gloves1 white or delicately tinted1 dress-slippers1 and silk stockings complete the costume4 ,the foot-gear may match the dress or it may be white or black4 ,ornaments may be worn in the hair1 varying with the fashion of the day4 ,elderly women often substitute a dress cut out slightly at the neck1 with elbow or transparent sleeves1 for the regulation dcollet gown4 ,those who catch cold very easily have their dresses cut accordingly4 ,for an informal dinner the usual costume in ,america is of the sort just described4 ,young women select light colors as a rule4 ,velvets1 heavy brocades1 and similar materials appropriate for matrons are out of place in the toilette of young girls4 ,those who follow the ,english fashion wear dcollet costume whether they dine at home or abroad4 ,the custom is by no means general in this country1 however4 ,one should arrive at the hour named in the invitation or five minutes later4 ,in the city it is a decided mistake to come earlier1 as the hostess may not be ready to receive her friends4 ,doubtless she should be1 but the fact remains that in the rush and hurry of town life she sometimes does not descend to the drawing-room until the last moment4 ,guests coming from a distance may find it difficult to calculate exactly the time required to make the trip to the house of the hostess4 ,in this case1 a lady arriving before the time would explain the matter to the person opening the door4 ,she might say3 8,please do not disturb ,mrs4 ,so-and-so4 ,i know that ,i am too early1 and will wait in the drawing-room until she is ready to receive her friends40 ,in the country1 where people do not have so many engagements and where the means of communication are slower and less certain1 guests often arrive a little before the hour named1 thinking this better than to risk being late and so causing the hostess inconvenience4 ,a dressing-room should be provided for the ladies4 ,this should contain a mirror and dressing-table furnished with brush and comb1 pins1 hair-pins1 and other small accessories of the feminine toilette4 ,a maid is usually in attendance to assist in the removal of wraps4 ,a second room may be arranged for the men1 or they may leave their coats and hats in the hall4 ,they also will need a mirror1 and a man-servant may help them to take off and later to put on their overshoes and greatcoats4 ,at a formal dinner each man receives a diminutive envelope containing a card with the name of the lady whom he is to take in to dinner4 ,this may be handed to him on a salver by the butler or the waitress when he arrives1 or he may find it in the dressing-room4 ,according to a novel method1 the envelope is omitted and a square card made to double into a long shape is used4 ,on the inside are engraved the words3 ,will you kindly escort 4444444444444444444444444444444444444444 to dinner8 ,the hostess fills in the name of the lady and puts that of the gentleman on the outside4 ,mr4 ,ward ,mc,allister tells us in his book that this is a ,boston fashion1 and that the ,new ,york hostesses of his day were returning to the old method 8of assigning the guests in the drawing-room40 ,while the last-mentioned way is to be preferred for small and informal dinners1 cards are convenient for ceremonious functions4 ,a bashful young man suggests to us that they have the advantage of giving the gentleman a few minutes to think over what he shall say to his dinner-partner before he goes up to speak to her4 ,it is no longer the custom to enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm4 ,a gentleman waits until the ladies of his party appear at the door of their dressing-room1 and then follows them into the drawing-room4 ,here the host and hostess should be standing in readiness to give their guests a cordial welcome4 ,the gentleman very soon seeks the lady whom he is to take into dinner4 ,if he is not acquainted with her he asks the host or hostess to present him4 ,on a less formal occasion there would be no cards1 the lady of the house asking each man to take in a certain lady4 ,the cook should be told beforehand at what hour the dinner will be served4 ,this is usually fifteen minutes after that named in the invitations4 ,the butler or waitress should also be informed of the number of guests expected1 in order that he or she may not announce dinner until all have arrived4 ,the hostess herself must decide whether to wait beyond the quarter of an hour for a tardy guest or to order dinner served4 ,in justice to the friends already assembled she will not in any event delay long4 ,when all is in readiness the butler or waitress advances a little way into the room1 saying in a low voice1 8,dinner is served40 ,if the dining-room is next door1 it suffices to draw the portires or open the folding-doors4 ,at a formal dinner the host offers his right arm to the wife of the guest of honor1 and with her leads the way to the table4 ,the other couples all follow arm-in-arm1 the hostess coming last with the most distinguished man present or with the one for whom the dinner is given4 ,in official circles in ,washington1 as in ,european society1 the question of precedence is a very serious one4 ,the hosts must arrange with great care the procession to the dining-room1 in order that each person may have his proper place4 ,in other ,american cities and towns the rules are much less strict4 ,the younger make way for the older1 and married women take precedence of single ones4 ,if the guests are invited to meet a married couple1 the host will take in the wife1 seating her at his right1 and the hostess will go in with the husband1 who will sit at her right4 ,a bride is usually awarded the place of honor1 a clergyman and his wife receiving similar recognition4 ,a hostess sometimes enters the dining-room with the man who is to sit on her left--the second most honorable place4 ,each gentleman assists in seating the lady under his charge1 unless this office is performed by a servant4 ,if a clergyman is present he is usually asked to say grace4 ,on sitting down at table the ladies remove their gloves and endeavor not to drop them upon the floor4 ,since a silken lap is very slippery1 it is difficult to prevent this4 ,men1 however1 rather dislike being obliged to dive head foremost under the table in order to recover fan1 handkerchief1 or gloves for the thoughtless fair4 ,the large dinner-napkin is partially unfolded and spread out over the knees1 not tucked into a buttonhole4 ,the table is covered with a white damask cloth of the best quality4 ,according to the present fashion1 the centerpiece should be white4 ,it may be of lace or embroidery1 but never of a material that will not wash4 ,a lace or lace-trimmed cloth showing the bare table around the edges is sometimes used for dinner4 ,the arrangement and decoration are much the same as at a lunch-party4 ,since dinner is the most formal of all meals1 the hostess uses her handsomest silver1 glass1 and china1 as well as an abundance of beautiful flowers4 ,bread-and-butter plates are banished from the table4 ,at a formal dinner butter does not appear1 the theory being that the flavoring and sauces make it unnecessary4 ,if it is used it should be passed from the sideboard1 and a small individual butter-plate set at the left of each place4 ,here also are two or three forks1 with the tines turned up4 ,at the right are laid a dinner-knife1 a silver fish-knife 7if one will be required71 a tablespoon or soup-spoon1 and a tumbler or goblet4 ,the napkin1 containing a roll or thick piece of bread1 is put on the empty or 8place0 plate or at the right4 ,the little fork for raw oysters is put here also instead of on the left with the other forks4 ,if wine is to be served the glass or glasses are set beside the water-goblet4 ,the publication by the insurance companies of tables showing that even a moderate use of alcohol tends to shorten life has given additional impetus to the temperance movement4 ,the great growth of this is damaging to the interests of the dealers in wine4 ,it is amusing to find that certain ,frenchmen regard it as a dark conspiracy formed in the interests of the dealers in mineral waters4 ,whether this charge is true or not1 it is certain that the use of wine at dinners has greatly diminished in the ,united ,states4 ,cocktails are sometimes offered in the drawing-room as a substitute for wine at dinner4 ,if ladies are among the guests1 these should be made very mild4 ,it is perfectly proper to decline them1 or indeed wine in any form4 ,where this is not served1 whiskey and water may be offered to the men4 ,to foreigners who are accustomed to taking wine with their dinner1 it is a privation to go without it4 ,a host who is entertaining foreign guests should bear this in mind1 even if he himself is a teetotaler4 ,a nice question of ethics here arises4 ,if a man thinks it wicked to offer wine to any one1 should he feel obliged to place it on his table8 ,each person must answer this according to the dictates of his own conscience4 ,according to the old rule1 sherry is the wine served with soup1 claret and champagne with the roast4 ,some hosts offer their guests hock or sauterne with the soup1 and champagne later in the meal4 ,others give claret or champagne alone4 ,the last-named should be cooled on ice4 ,a napkin is fastened around the neck of the bottle1 since this is apt to be wet4 ,claret and ,burgundy sometimes need to be warmed slightly1 as their temperature should approximate that of the room4 ,sherry1 ,madeira1 port are always1 and claret usually1 put into decanters4 ,it was formerly the custom to set these on the table2 but at ceremonious dinners wine is now served from the sideboard4 ,no menu-cards are used at private houses4 ,a name-card is set at each place4 ,according to present fashion1 this should contain no ornament except the crest or initials of the hostess done in gold1 with edges to match4 ,at a recent dinner at the house of a bishop the device on the name-card was a miter4 ,decorative designs are reserved for anniversary dinners and other special occasions4 ,celery1 olives1 radishes1 and other hors d'uvres are usually relegated to the side-table at a formal dinner4 ,the bill of fare for a dinner or a luncheon is much shorter than formerly4 ,it is no longer thought in good taste to emulate the heavy feasts of the ancient ,romans4 ,many people now hesitate to eat raw oysters1 since they sometimes convey typhoid-fever germs4 ,canaps may replace them as a first course1 or ,little ,neck clams1 grape-fruit1 or other fruit in its season may be used4 ,if oysters are served1 five or six are arranged in each plate1 with a piece of lemon in the center4 ,it is now thought best to bring these in fresh from the ice-chest1 after the company have sat down to table4 ,the oyster-plate is set on the place-plate--i4e41 on the one already in place--when the guests sit down at table4 ,the latter is not taken away at the conclusion of the course1 but remains as a basis for the soup-plate4 ,tureens are no longer used1 the soup being served from the pantry4 ,the plates should be only partly filled4 ,a careful servant can manage one in each hand1 but it is thought more elegant to have them brought to the table one at a time4 ,after the removal of the soup the place-plates remain1 and are used for the hors d'uvres4 ,these sometimes precede the soup course4 ,the fish comes next1 hot plates being used for this as for all the hot courses4 ,since fish is rather tasteless1 it is often accompanied by a sauce or by cucumbers or tomatoes with ,french dressing4 ,potatoes also are served with fish4 ,an entre now follows1 and is succeeded by the pice de rsistance1 or principal meat course4 ,with the lightening of the bill of fare1 filet of beef is less used for this than formerly1 saddle of mutton1 spring lamb1 or turkey being favorite dishes4 ,according to modern custom1 only one or at the utmost two vegetables are served with one course4 ,roman punch is now reserved for public dinners4 ,the game course with salad comes next2 but here again we see a change1 since lettuce1 celery1 or other vegetable salad may now be served with cheese and crackers or bread-and-butter1 the game being omitted4 ,after the salad the table is cleared off1 the salt-cellars and pepper-pots being removed on a tray covered with a napkin4 ,the crumbs are brushed off with a folded napkin1 or on less formal occasions with a silver crumb-scraper4 ,the dessert now follows1 for which the handsomest plates are reserved4 ,these are protected by pretty ornamental doilies1 on which are placed finger-bowls partly filled with lukewarm water4 ,a flower or a fragrant leaf or two may float on its surface4 ,a glass plate is often set under the finger-bowl4 ,the latter should be promptly removed and set on one side in order not to delay the service4 ,some authorities say that the silver knife1 fork1 and spoon should not be placed on the dessert-plate when the servant hands this1 but should be laid on the table at either side of it4 ,if they are put on the plate each person removes them at the same time as the finger-bowl4 ,the ices are then passed1 the molds being sufficiently cut through beforehand to enable the guest to help himself readily4 ,if the individual form is used1 one is set before each person4 ,cake accompanies the ice-cream1 which is eaten from the glass plate4 ,the latter is then removed by the servant1 while the guest takes off the doilies1 leaving the china plate in readiness for the fruit course4 ,few persons take any of this at a long dinner1 unless it be three or four grapes4 ,bonbons also are handed at this time4 ,the lady at the right hand of the host must now be on the lookout for the signal to rise1 which the hostess will convey to her by a look or slight nod4 ,at a formal dinner the gentlemen sometimes escort the ladies back to the drawing-room1 the couples going arm-in-arm4 ,after seeing their partners comfortably seated1 the men excuse themselves by a bow and return to the dining-room or repair to the smoking-room1 where coffee1 cigars1 and liqueurs are served4 ,sometimes the men simply rise from the table when the ladies do1 and remain standing until the latter have passed out4 ,a servant opens the door or holds back the portire1 or1 if none is in the room at the moment1 the gentleman nearest the entrance performs this duty4 ,tiny cups of strong black coffee accompanied by sugar1 and sometimes by cream1 are handed on a tray to the ladies in the drawing-room4 ,sometimes the servant takes in the silver coffee-pot and asks each person if she will have a cup1 filling it for her if she desires4 ,one or two kinds of cordial are offered1 the servant asking the ladies in turn which kind they prefer1 and then pouring it into tiny liqueur-glasses4 ,cigarettes are offered to the women at some houses1 although the custom is by no means general4 ,many ,american hostesses dislike very much to see members of their own sex use tobacco1 considering this in bad taste4 ,later in the evening ,apollinaris or other sparkling waters may be brought in4 ,the men rejoin the ladies in the drawing-room after a short interval of time4 ,music1 recitations1 or other form of entertainment may be given for the amusement of the company4 ,dancing is now popular at all hours1 and people who are fond of cards finish the evening with bridge or some other game4 ,if the hosts have not arranged any after-dinner programme1 the guests take their leave about half an hour after the men have returned to the drawing-room4 ,there is no absolute rule about this1 as much depends on the lateness of the hour4 ,if some of those present are 8going on0 to a dance or a reception1 they will excuse themselves as soon as they can without appearing brusque or discourteous to their hosts4 ,according to modern rule1 a dinner should not last more than an hour and a half4 ,if the guests sit down to table at a quarter-past eight and arise from it at a quarter before ten o'clock1 the hour for departure would be somewhere between half-past ten and eleven o'clock4 ,the custom of waiting until the lady who is the guest of honor has taken her leave is growing in favor4 ,this makes it incumbent on her not to linger too long1 lest she should inadvertently detain others who desire to go4 ,one of the most important duties of the diner-out is to talk and to listen to his next-door neighbors4 ,at a small dinner the conversation may become general1 but where a great many guests are seated at a large table1 this is hardly possible4 ,some charming talker to whom it would be delightful to listen may sit opposite to you1 or two or three places away4 ,if you should yield to the temptation and neglect your dinner-partner1 or1 still worse1 if you should talk across her to the more interesting guest1 you would be committing a breach of good manners4 ,at a large and formal dinner1 the hostess talks first to the man on her right hand and later to the one on her left4 ,the guests follow her example1 turning to speak to the other neighbor soon after she does4 ,this is called 8,the turning of the table40 ,if one has received an invitation to dinner1 it is necessary to call in person within one or two weeks after the event4 ,this rule applies to other invitations also1 but it is construed with special strictness in the case of a dinner4 ,in ,new ,york1 with its immense distances1 a busy man may be unable to make the 8visit of digestion0 within a fortnight4 ,in this case he should send his card by mail and call when he can command the time4 ,men now pay visits in the late afternoon1 at five or six o'clock1 formal evening calls having gone out of fashion in the large cities4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,v ,,bridesmaids' ,,luncheons1 ,,bachelor ,,dinners1 ,,and ,,wedding ,,anniversaries ,guests to be ,invited--,etiquette and ,dress for ,bridesmaids' ,luncheons--,etiquette and ,dress for ,bachelor ,dinners--,things to be ,done and ,things to be ,avoided--,wedding ,anniversaries--,the ,right and the ,wrong ,way to ,celebrate ,them--,form of ,invitation4 8,,how many bridesmaids shall ,i have at my wedding80 ,many a young girl asks herself this question1 to which it is not easy to give a categorical answer4 ,we will1 however1 say to her3 choose your attendants for this beautiful day in your life from among those you love and who love you4 ,if you have several sisters and dear friends1 the selection may be a little difficult1 but doubtless there are some who are nearer to you than others4 ,if you have no sisters1 or if they are all married1 you perhaps have one or more cousins to represent the family1 and you will want to include a sister or other near relative of your fianc for his sake4 ,let the number of your bridesmaids be decided by that of the young women you would like to have around you at your wedding1 provided always this is not so large as to appear ostentatious4 ,you should also consider the question of expense1 since it is now the custom for the bride to make a gift to each of her attendants4 ,if the ceremony takes place at church1 her family also pay for the carriages for the bridesmaids4 ,a large church wedding is a very costly affair1 and a young girl should be considerate in the demands upon her father's purse4 ,the expenditure for a wedding should be in proportion to the means of the bride's family1 since etiquette demands that they and not the groom should meet it4 ,if the function is unduly elaborate1 unfavorable criticism is almost sure to result4 ,if you decide to be married at home1 you will not have more than one or two bridesmaids2 at church1 four or six is a good number4 ,more than eight seem ostentatious1 unless under exceptional circumstances4 ,you may like in addition to have your sister or dearest friend act as maid of honor4 ,a young married woman sometimes acts as matron of honor2 but this is in contravention of the good old custom of surrounding the bride with a group of maidens4 ,be sure to make your selection1 and to ask your friends to officiate as bridesmaids1 in good season4 ,it is your privilege to choose the costumes they are to wear4 ,in doing this we hope you will not be carried away by the charms of the fashion-book models1 but will bear in mind the complexion and figure of your friends as they actually exist in real life4 ,you will certainly want them to look their best1 for your sake as well as their own4 ,the bride is always the great center of attraction1 but if she has good taste she will desire to have the wedding cortge form a harmonious whole4 ,for this purpose the costumes of the bridesmaids may be all alike1 or there may be a diversity of coloring4 ,the two that walk together should be dressed alike4 ,pray be careful also not to make the toilettes so expensive as to be a strain upon the means of your young friends4 ,you may1 of course1 if your means or those of your family permit1 pay for their whole outfit or for certain portions1 such as hats or gloves4 ,but this is not customary1 although it is occasionally done by a bride rich in this world's gear4 ,should a young woman give a luncheon or a dinner to her bridesmaids8 ,the idea of thus gathering her mates around her for the last time before she enters upon a new1 joyous1 and yet serious phase of her life is a very happy one1 provided always that the occasion does not furnish the proverbial last straw of the camel's load4 ,the preparations for a modern church wedding are so many and so extensive that a bride may go to the altar utterly worn out and looking not her best1 but her worst4 ,her mother should certainly guard a daughter very carefully against over-fatigue2 but in many cases she obviously does not4 ,to the bridegroom the parade and show are usually extremely distasteful1 and he only submits to them because he cannot help himself4 ,he goes through the trying ordeal in the spirit of the good knights of old1 that he may win his 8dear ladye0 for his own4 ,we cannot1 therefore1 advise our bride to give a bridesmaids' luncheon if she is already wearied by many tasks4 ,in this case we should advise the substitution of an afternoon tea1 to which she may1 if she pleases1 invite the groom1 best man1 and ushers4 ,perhaps1 however1 she is so fortunate as to have relatives and friends who will take the brunt of the fatigue1 or1 if she is rich1 clever and experienced women can be hired to assist her4 ,if she decides to give a luncheon1 she should select a day near enough that of the wedding to give a certain thrill to the occasion1 and yet not so near as to make these great events seem to crowd one upon the other4 ,should the bridesmaids live at a distance1 and come to the home-town of their friend on purpose to attend the wedding1 it may be necessary to have the lunch take place only two or three days in advance4 ,a week is a better interval1 however4 ,should there be some young friend who is unable to serve as a bridesmaid--on account of family mourning1 lameness1 or some similar drawback--the bride may like to include her in the invitations4 ,the bridesmaids do not appear in any special costume1 but wear the same sort of dress as at any lunch1 retaining their hats unless the bride asks them to remove them4 ,the latter wears a pretty house dress suitable for the afternoon4 ,the luncheon may be a handsome affair or simple and inexpensive1 as the young hostess finds convenient4 ,she or a friend may like to paint the place-cards1 which should have devices appropriate to the occasion4 ,true-lovers' knots1 ,cupids1 hearts and darts are always in order4 ,pink is a favorite color for the decorations1 green and white also having a pretty effect4 ,the traditional ring1 coin1 and thimble are often placed in the cake1 each girl carefully scrutinizing her piece to see what her future lot is to be4 ,the gifts to the bridesmaids are usually awarded at this luncheon1 and should be all alike4 ,some small article of jewelry to be worn at the wedding is usually chosen4 ,l',art ,nouveau suggests many pretty things that are not necessarily expensive1 the theory being that jewelry should please by color and design rather than by costliness4 ,brooches1 pendants1 bracelets1 hat-pins1 or fans are among the suitable gifts4 ,they may be set one at each place as souvenirs4 ,since the bridesmaids' luncheon is intended to be a gay and merry rather than a somber and melancholy affair1 it is well to ask one or two of the guests to arrange some amusing feature for the day4 ,thus1 if the bride has many admirers1 a dance of the rejected suitors would be appropriate4 ,these could be represented by two of the company4 ,they should be furnished with large bandana handkerchiefs on which to weep copiously4 ,after treading a slow and melancholy measure1 each should break a stick over his knee in accordance with the old tradition4 ,a dinner is sometimes given instead of a luncheon1 and to this the groom1 best man1 and ushers are occasionally asked4 ,a novel way to give a bridesmaids' luncheon would be to ask each girl to prepare beforehand one article of the bill of fare4 ,the bride also should contribute something of her own manufacture to the menu4 ,a judge1 duly appareled in wig and gown1 should be appointed to award the prize to the maker of the most toothsome article1 or a feminine jury of three might be impaneled4 ,the prize-winner should have a blue ribbon declaring her to be the most promising candidate for matrimony4 ,at the bride's place should be a small souvenir album with white cover1 containing the receipts used for the different articles of the bill of fare1 and mentioning the school or cooking-class where each girl had acquired her culinary skill4 ,it would be quite in order to invent imaginary colleges and degrees1 phrased in home-made ,latin1 as1 for instance1 ,cookia ,superba ,prattii ,institutionis4 ,sometimes a bridesmaids' lunch is followed by a rehearsal of the wedding procession at the church1 the ushers and young girls returning to the bride's home for afternoon tea4 ,it is pleasant to have the members of the wedding-party meet beforehand in order to make one another's acquaintance4 ,thus a dinner or a theater party for the bridesmaids and ushers is sometimes given two or three days before the marriage takes place4 ,should the bridegroom give a bachelor dinner to his ushers and best man8 ,this is a question which each young man must decide for himself1 always taking into consideration the tastes and tendencies of those who would compose the party4 ,it should be frankly said that at certain occasions of this sort in the past1 too much wine has been consumed with sad results4 ,therefore if the groom himself or any of his intimate friends finds temperance difficult1 it certainly is unwise to arrange a bachelor dinner and thus fly in the face of ,providence1 as old-fashioned people would say4 ,if the dinner is to take place1 it should be within a fortnight or a week before the wedding4 ,it is well to have an interval of several days elapse between the two events4 ,the guests invited are the best man1 ushers1 and sometimes other intimate friends of the groom and the brothers of the bride4 ,black-cloth dinner-jacket1 with trousers and low-cut waistcoat to match1 dress-shirt1 and black tie compose the proper costume4 ,the dinner is given at the groom's club or home or in a private dining-room at some good restaurant4 ,the groom being the host1 he sits at the head of the table2 the best man may be opposite to him or at his right hand4 ,in the latter case the head usher or the bride's brother may take the foot4 ,the provision of wine should be a judicious one4 ,when the dinner is quite advanced the best man proposes the bride's health4 ,all arise and drink this toast standing4 ,according to the old custom1 each man snaps the stem of his wine-glass between his fingers1 then throws it away4 ,the souvenirs presented by the groom to his best man and ushers are laid at each place4 ,these are usually scarf-pins1 although cuff-links are sometimes given4 ,beside each plate may also be a box done up with white ribbon1 containing the gloves and tie to be worn at the wedding4 ,the best man usually orders these1 taking care to select gloves of the right size1 but the bridegroom pays the bill4 ,a convenient method is to give a list of the ushers with their addresses to a haberdasher of established reputation4 ,he then sends an engraved or printed card to each man1 saying that ,mr4 ,so-and-,so has ordered gloves and tie for him and asking the size of his hand4 ,should other guests besides the best man and ushers be at the dinner1 it would be better not to present the souvenirs1 ties1 etc41 but to send them to each person's residence or club4 ,,wedding ,,anniversaries ,the wedding anniversaries usually celebrated are the fifth1 wooden2 the tenth1 tin2 the twenty-fifth1 silver2 and the fiftieth1 golden4 ,few couples live to observe the latter1 and still fewer the seventy-fifth1 the diamond wedding4 ,the fifth and tenth anniversaries are occasions of fun and frolic4 ,the invitations may be given over the telephone or in any way preferred4 ,for a wooden wedding a novel method would be to divide the thin end of a shingle into several portions about the size of a postal card1 writing or painting the invitations on these4 ,the easiest way is to use the joint visiting-card of host and hostess1 writing on it3 ,will be at ,home on ,thursday evening1 ,october twelfth adding in the corner 8#aiaj-aiae40 ,the guests invited are usually familiar friends4 ,they tax their ingenuity to procure gifts of appropriate material that will amuse the company1 or send articles that will be useful4 ,wooden spoons of all sorts and sizes1 mammoth pencils1 knife-trays1 watchmen's rattles1 boxes large and small1 towel-racks1 chairs1 small tables--all are appropriate gifts4 ,it is easy to purchase at a toy store wooden animals of absurd shapes1 picture puzzles1 jumping-jacks1 etc4 ,two of the guests might represent a couple from ,noah's ark1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,shem or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ham4 ,they should be dressed in the traditional costume1 and should move in a stiff and wooden way4 ,another pair could appear as jointed dolls or other figures4 ,the decorations could consist of shavings or of pussy-willow or other boughs4 ,for the tenth anniversary the tinware shop furnishes ample material for gifts4 ,it is usually possible to get a tinsmith to make1 for a small charge1 articles of some special shape4 ,the bride may be adorned with a tin tiara and other ornaments1 the groom wearing a large tin flower in his buttonhole4 ,a suit of armor of the same material1 accompanied by spear and shield1 might be presented to him with due ceremony4 ,one guest should be the spokesman for the company and explain that1 owing to the dangers of the public roads1 it was thought well to bestow upon their friend some means of defense against the ubiquitous automobile1 the spear being intended to lift arrogant chauffeurs from the perch of vantage4 ,to a silver-wedding celebration a few intimate friends of the family may be asked1 or the affair may take the form of a reception4 ,the invitations may be engraved in silver letters and may read3 #ahhi #aiad ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,thompson request the pleasure of 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 company on ,thursday1 ,november the eighth1 at half-past eight o'clock ,or the 8,at ,home0 form may be used4 ,it is best not to say 8silver-wedding10 as this might be thought an intimation that gifts would be acceptable4 ,indeed1 some people are so anxious to avoid any appearance of soliciting presents that they give no intimation on the card of the nature of the occasion4 ,others add1 8,it is kindly requested that no gifts be sent40 ,near relations and intimate friends usually feel privileged to send some suitable remembrance of the day1 an article of silver for the writing-table or toilette-table perhaps1 or any piece of silverware that they think will be acceptable4 ,it is always proper to send flowers4 ,if the reception is in the evening1 the silver-wedding bride wears evening dress of any color that is becoming to her4 ,gray1 lavender1 or purple is appropriate4 ,while white alone is not permissible1 black-and-white may be worn2 the bridal veil--if it be of lace--may be draped over the skirt or worn as a scarf4 ,the gown may be partially cut down at the neck or full dcollet1 the material being silk1 brocade1 velvet1 or other stuff as preferred4 ,the groom wears regulation evening dress with white or light kid gloves 7see ,chapter ,,vi74 ,he and the bride stand together to receive the guests until all have arrived1 when they move about the room talking with their friends4 ,the tone of the occasion must not be too stiff and formal1 but cordial yet dignified4 ,according to some authorities1 the decorations should be white1 green1 and silver4 ,there may be few flowers or an abundance of them4 ,if they are all white the result will be rather trying to matronly faces1 and the effect a little incongruous4 ,in celebrating an anniversary it is not wise to try to reproduce exactly the original occasion4 ,this would tend to mark in a painful way the passage of time4 ,just as the bride of twenty-five years wears a matronly costume rather than a girlish dress that would bring into evidence the wrinkles and crow's-feet1 so the decorations and ceremonies of the silver-wedding must reflect the flight of the quarter of a century4 ,the flowers of midsummer are more appropriate than those associated especially with early spring4 ,purple and white lilacs produce an excellent effect1 as do roses not too pale in color1 or orchids4 ,something will1 of course1 depend upon the season of the year4 ,it adds interest to the occasion if the clergyman who performed the marriage ceremony1 the ushers1 and bridesmaids can be present4 ,the latter may stand near the host and hostess and assist them in receiving the company4 ,the name 8silver wedding0 is something of a misnomer1 because the celebration is concerned only with the events following the marriage4 ,thus1 while the anniversary may reproduce in some degree the original reception or breakfast1 to attempt to repeat any part of the ceremony would be in the worst possible taste1 to say the least4 ,the collation is like that of any evening reception4 ,there is usually a handsome wedding-cake1 on which the date of the wedding and of the twenty-fifth anniversary1 together with the initials of husband and wife1 are inscribed4 ,silver leaves may form a part of its decoration4 ,the bride cuts the first slice1 as she did twenty-five years before4 ,it adds to the fun of the occasion if the cake contains a ring4 ,where wine is served1 it is usually champagne4 ,the best man or some near friend or relative may give as a toast the health of the hero and heroine of the day1 to which the husband should reply in a brief speech4 ,there may be other toasts and speeches4 ,according to modern fashion1 these may be made without the accompaniment of wine4 ,the sons and daughters of the house should act as assistant hosts and hostesses1 moving about among the guests and extending a cordial welcome to all4 ,the arrangements for a golden-wedding fall naturally into the hands of a daughter or a son4 ,those of the younger generation must be careful not to behave as if they thought their parents too old and too infirm to attend to the matter personally4 ,it requires great tact to assist those who are declining into the vale of years in such a way as not to depress or sadden them or hurt their feelings4 ,the daughter should take pains to show that she is not trying to supersede her parents1 but simply to act as their lieutenant4 ,she may well think out beforehand her general line of action1 and then lay it before her mother1 consulting the latter as the household general-in-chief4 ,she may casually remind her mother that1 since the bride is spared all possible care and anxiety by her family1 the same attitude toward her should be taken at the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of the marriage4 ,there is often a reunion of the married couple and their descendants at a large family dinner4 ,if it is desired to include the whole circle of friends in the celebration1 this usually takes place in the daytime1 since an evening affair might be too fatiguing for the elderly pair4 ,sometimes1 however1 a reception is held in the evening after the family dinner4 ,a good deal must depend on the state of health of the bride and groom4 ,sons and daughters should remember that to greet and shake hands with many people is in itself fatiguing1 especially to those who are no longer young4 ,an afternoon reception is an appropriate way to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of a marriage4 ,the invitations will be much like those of the silver-wedding1 except that the lettering should be of gold1 or black if preferred4 ,they are usually engraved on a rather large white card4 ,if an answer is desired1 in one corner may be the statement1 8,please send reply to ,mrs4 ----10 with the address of the daughter4 ,it is very easy to find suitable decorations1 since almost any golden flower that is in season may be pressed into service4 ,in the fall of the year nothing is more beautiful than goldenrod2 autumn leaves also may be used4 ,black-eyed ,susans have a very decorative effect1 the yellow abutilon reminds the beholder of wedding-bells1 and ,marshal ,niel roses are always lovely4 ,gifts of flowers may be tied with golden ribbon4 ,at a fiftieth marriage anniversary which the writer recently attended1 a small reception-room leading from the drawing-room was almost filled with presents of golden hue1 although many were not made wholly of the precious metal itself4 ,pictures in gilded frames1 canary birds in cages of the prevailing color of the day1 were cheerful gifts of moderate expense4 ,a beautiful loving-cup of silver heavily gilded held the center of the table1 and within was a purse of gold pieces--a number of friends combining to make this present4 ,there were many other pieces of silver-gilt1 and some of solid gold4 ,the bride received a beautiful watch and chain1 among other things2 the groom a pencil and card-case of the precious metal4 ,husband and wife receive together at a golden-wedding4 ,sons and daughters welcome the guests1 but do not necessarily stand beside their parents4 ,they should have a watchful eye upon the latter1 however1 to see that they do not become fatigued4 ,one advantage of the afternoon reception for a golden-wedding is the well-known tendency of the guests to concentrate in the dining-room1 thus giving the host and hostess an opportunity to sit down and rest if they are tired4 ,they remain in the drawing-room1 any refreshments they may desire being brought to them4 ,these will be the same as at any afternoon tea or reception4 ,some solid dishes such as salads and oysters may be served1 and there may be a wedding-cake4 ,the golden-wedding bride may wear any color she pleases except black4 ,the ugly fashion of dressing elderly women in hard black is fortunately on the wane1 since it is extremely unbecoming to them4 ,delicate tints of lavender and gray1 trimmed with soft ruffles or lace1 are appropriate for the bride of fifty years4 ,the groom wears formal afternoon dress1 black frock or cutaway coat1 with high waistcoat to match1 dark trousers1 and lavender scarf4 ,if the bride carries a bouquet1 it should1 in our opinion1 be of violets1 orchids1 or golden flowers rather than white ones1 although some authorities favor the latter4 ,the fifteenth1 crystal1 and the twentieth1 china1 weddings are occasionally observed4 ,friends may celebrate them informally by a surprise party1 at which gifts of porcelain or glassware are presented to a couple whose china closets need replenishing4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,vi ,,house ,,and ,,church ,,weddings ,dress for ,bride1 ,bridegroom1 ,bridesmaids1 ,ushers1 and ,other ,members of the ,bridal ,party--,dress of ,guests--,gifts and ,how to ,present ,them--,etiquette of ,house and ,church ,weddings--,wedding ,breakfasts and ,receptions--,entertaining ,out-of-town ,guests4 ,a ,,gown of white satin1 with veil of tulle1 plain or lace-trimmed1 or of real lace1 has long been the conventional bridal dress4 ,while the bodice may1 in accordance with the present style1 be somewhat cut out at the neck and the sleeves reach only to the elbow1 it must never be full dcollet unless the wedding takes place in the evening4 ,the skirt should have a train varying in length with the fashion1 but never so long as to interfere with the bride's movements4 ,several yards of satin trailing upon the floor will result in pulling her head back at every step1 producing a very awkward and ugly effect4 ,a creamy tint is more becoming to most young women than a bluish shade of white4 ,some brides prefer silk1 fine organdie muslin1 chiffon1 or other soft material4 ,artificial orange flowers are usually worn in the hair and sometimes on the dress1 the natural blossoms being very difficult to procure4 ,it is wise to engage a hair-dresser to put on the wedding-veil1 since this is a task requiring special skill4 ,if it is to be worn over the face1 a separate piece of tulle should be used for the purpose4 ,the maid of honor1 or first bridesmaid1 takes this off when the bride turns to walk down the aisle at the conclusion of the ceremony4 ,white stockings with white satin or kid slippers1 long white gloves1 and bouquet complete the costume4 ,the 8shower0 effect1 obtained by fastening flowers at intervals on long streamers of narrow ribbon1 has1 in the opinion of the writer1 an extremely artificial look2 but many people admire it4 ,the bridegroom usually gives the bride some piece of jewelry to be worn on the eventful day4 ,her ornaments should be of diamonds1 pearls1 or other white or colorless stones4 ,the bridegroom appears in formal morning or1 as it is sometimes called1 formal afternoon dress1 if the ceremony takes place in the daytime4 ,fashion long demanded that he should wear a frock-coat1 but this imposing garment has suffered something of an eclipse1 the cutaway often replacing it4 ,the tailors1 in solemn convocation1 recently decided that the frock-coat could not altogether be banished1 since it is popular with the great statesmen of our nation4 ,whichever style of coat the groom selects1 he wears with it a high-cut waistcoat to match or a white one1 dark striped trousers1 lavender1 gray1 or white silk four-in-hand tie1 patent-leather shoes1 and high silk hat4 ,a fancy waistcoat of another color is sometimes worn1 but it must not be gay or loud4 ,if gloves are worn1 they should be light-gray or white4 ,his white boutonnire bouquet is the gift of the bride1 who bestows similar decorations on the ushers4 ,these gentlemen are all dressed alike1 their costume and that of the best man corresponding to the bridegroom's4 ,the bride's father will probably prefer a frock-coat with waistcoat to match4 ,as a rule all the men present at a wedding in the morning or afternoon don formal morning dress4 ,in the summer sack-coats and straw hats are occasionally worn at a country wedding4 ,if the ceremony takes place in the evening1 the groom and ushers appear in black swallow-tail coats1 with trousers to match1 low-cut white waistcoats1 narrow white lawn ties1 and pumps or patent-leather shoes4 ,the dress of the other men present is the same1 though some may prefer to wear a black dress-waistcoat to match the suit4 ,the bridesmaids' costume is usually of some pretty1 light color and soft material4 ,this should1 like the bride's1 be only slightly cut down in the neck1 in the daytime4 ,the inevitable hat is an important feature1 and often a charming 8creation40 ,long white gloves and a bouquet complete the costume4 ,the latter is the gift of the bridegroom1 and usually matches or tones in with the dress or its trimmings4 ,the bride's mother wears lilac1 gray1 black-and-white1 mauve1 or some quiet color that is becoming to her1 with bonnet or hat to match4 ,she must carefully avoid any affectation of youth in her costume1 since this would be in poor taste and would inevitably cause unfavorable comment4 ,hence the material of her gown is of heavier fabric than that chosen by the younger members of the bridal party4 ,silk1 satin1 velvet1 brocade are all appropriate4 ,the bodice should be practically high in the neck or only slightly cut out1 although it may have a lace yoke and trimmings4 ,the bride's mother usually removes her wrap before going up the aisle1 an usher carrying it for her4 ,the groom's mother wears a similar costume1 the young girls of both families appearing in pretty high-necked frocks of light color1 with dressy hats4 ,no member of the bridal party should appear in mourning garb4 ,the widowed mother1 even1 lays it aside for the day4 ,at a church wedding all the women appear in hats or bonnets1 according to the modern custom4 ,the guests wear handsome reception dress1 especially if they are going on to the house of the bride's parents4 ,those who are asked only to the ceremony wear their best street costume with white gloves4 ,where the ceremony is performed at the house in the evening1 all wear evening dress and go without hats4 ,for a home wedding in the daytime the guests retain these1 but the bride's mother and other members of the receiving-party appear without them4 ,a bride may prefer to be married quietly in traveling-dress4 ,if this is the costume in which she intends actually to travel1 it should be of material and color suitable for that purpose4 ,a pretty and becoming shade should be selected1 but not an extremely delicate one4 ,cloth or other woolen material is suitable for the cold months1 a silken or woolen stuff of light weight for summer4 ,a pretty hat and white gloves complete the costume1 or1 if preferred1 these may correspond in color with the dress4 ,a bride may1 if she pleases1 be married in a walking-suit of a very light color1 changing this for a quieter dress before she starts on the wedding journey4 ,in spite of the wide advertisement of our friend ,miss ,phbe ,snow1 it is not in good taste to wear white in a railway car1 except in the height of summer1 when wash-dresses may be considered permissible on account of the heat4 ,a bride who wears white on her wedding journey stamps herself as provincial4 ,a young woman who is married in traveling-dress does not have bridesmaids4 ,if she wishes to have a friend stand up with her1 the latter also should be in street dress1 with hat or bonnet4 ,,gifts ,,and ,,how ,,to ,,present ,,them ,when a young couple are about to begin life together and to establish a new home1 they are confronted at once with the unpleasant question of expense4 ,to furnish their abode1 however simply1 takes a considerable sum of money4 ,hence1 somewhere in the dim past the custom of making wedding-presents arose1 friends assisting the bridal pair in the creation of a home of their own4 ,sound political economy as well as pleasant sentiment1 therefore1 underlies this usage4 ,the welfare and prosperity of the individual home promote those of the larger home--the ,state4 ,in sending gifts to a young couple it is well to bear this truth in mind1 for1 although perfectly self-evident1 it is often forgotten4 ,we should try to select presents that will be of use to their recipients4 ,their value need not be merely material2 it may be spiritual or esthetic4 ,beautiful pictures1 books of solid and lasting interest1 are as important features of a dwelling as chairs and tables4 ,silverware is a standard gift because of its usefulness4 ,it has now grown so much cheaper1 the price being less than half what it was some years ago1 that almost any one can afford to send an article made of this metal4 ,some brides have been fairly overloaded with silver1 receiving far more than they1 in their modest homes1 were able to use4 ,hence it is well to consult a member of the bride's family or a near friend as to what she would really like to receive4 ,the main outfit of silver--a tea-service1 one or more dozens of the different sizes of forks1 knives1 and spoons--are given by the immediate families of the bride and groom1 when their means permit4 ,near relations--aunts1 uncles1 and cousins--sometimes join in the gift or supplement it with other needed articles of silverware4 ,friends also send large or small pieces in accordance with their means and with the needs of the young couple4 ,the fashion of using ornamental and useful appliances made of this metal for the toilette-table1 the desk1 etc41 has been so run into the ground1 cheap imitations have become so common1 that some other material is now preferred--ivory or tortoise-shell1 for instance4 ,jewelry is so dear to the heart of woman and forms so important a feature of dress that most brides like to receive it1 even though it cannot be classed as a necessary part of their outfit4 ,while an elderly friend may send a jewel1 the privilege is denied to young unmarried men1 unless they are relatives4 ,this is an old rule of ,mrs4 ,grundy1 who also forbids the bestowal of any article of clothing by young bachelor friends4 ,bric--brac has mercifully gone out of fashion4 ,it is permissible1 however1 to give 8objects of art0 that deserve the name4 ,intimate friends sometimes send a dozen of sheets with embroidered initials1 or a set of handsome towels4 ,the pretty articles of decorative table linen now so much in vogue1 lunch-cloths1 centerpieces1 and doilies1 make very charming wedding-gifts4 ,china and glassware for the table may be both pretty and useful4 ,relatives and old family friends may send checks1 if they choose4 ,when an article is marked1 the maiden initials of the bride are used4 ,the old custom of marking silver with the initials of the given names of both the bride and groom1 together with that of the last name so soon to belong to them both1 has been revived to some extent4 ,if the article given is one likely to be duplicated1 it is better not to have it marked1 because the bride may wish to exchange it4 ,indeed1 some thoughtful persons say frankly3 8,if you want to change this1 pray do not hesitate to do so40 ,while sentiment makes us desire to keep the gift chosen by a friend1 it is undeniably inconvenient to possess one dozen pepper-pots and not a single salt-cellar6 ,owing doubtless to the 8total depravity of inanimate things10 there is almost sure to be an overplus of some article and a deficit of another4 ,the question is sometimes asked1 8,when and how shall ,i present my gift to the bride80 ,the answer to the first query is1 upon receipt of the invitation to the wedding or as soon after as is convenient4 ,it may happen that on account of absence1 illness1 or some other good and sufficient reason the gift is delayed4 ,in this case one need not hesitate to send it1 with a note of explanation1 after the marriage has taken place4 ,the last gift is sometimes received several months or even a year after the day of the nuptials4 ,manifestly1 however1 it is best to send promptly4 ,there is no formal presentation1 however4 ,only intimate friends are privileged to place the gift in the bride's hands4 ,for all others custom demands that it shall be sent--express prepaid1 of course--to the house of her parents4 ,the family and friends of the bridegroom conform to this rule1 even when they are not personally acquainted with his fiance4 ,the groom occasionally receives a few gifts for his personal use1 which are sent directly to him4 ,the easiest1 simplest1 and best way of forwarding a wedding-present is to have it despatched from the store where it is purchased4 ,in a large city the jeweler's1 silverware1 and chinaware shops keep small envelopes and blank cards for use1 in case the purchaser has omitted to bring her own visiting-card4 ,on this the giver writes her name with a brief message1 such as3 8,with the best wishes of ----10 8,with love and best wishes10 or 8,wishing you all possible happiness40 ,married people use their joint card1 8,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,stephen ,curtis10 for this purpose4 ,the salesman should be instructed to remove the price and to do the gift up in the daintiest manner1 white ribbon being often employed4 ,it is also wise for the sender to give him her address and ask to be notified of the due arrival of the gift4 ,since a receipt is now demanded by silversmiths and others1 it would be an easy matter to give the purchaser this information1 thereby saving anxiety to her and trouble to the bride's family4 ,the latter are often called up on the telephone by friends who have not at the moment received any acknowledgment of their present4 ,it is the pleasant duty of the bride to write promptly1 thanking her friends cordially for the substantial expression of their good will4 ,a charming young woman who was about to be married said to me1 8,i write at once on receiving a present2 in this way ,i am sure to express the delight ,i feel at the moment40 ,it is quite possible to do this when the gifts begin to arrive4 ,but as the time for the wedding draws near1 a bride with a large circle of friends is sometimes overwhelmed by the great number of packages received in a single day4 ,those who send their presents within three or four days of the ceremony cannot expect to have them acknowledged speedily4 ,if unable to write before her marriage1 the bride should do so as soon afterward as possible4 ,a careful record of all the gifts1 with the names and addresses of the senders1 should be made by some member of the family1 as fast as they arrive4 ,bride-books come especially for the purpose1 and will be found very convenient by those possessing a large circle of friends and acquaintances4 ,in acknowledging a wedding-present it is always well either to name the gift or to allude to it in some definite way1 as for instance3 ,your beautiful gift will not only make us think of you1 but will mark the passage of the hours and so help us to cultivate punctuality4 ,some persons imagine that an invitation to a wedding carries with it the obligation to make a present1 and that those not asked give nothing4 ,this is a mistake4 ,it should rather be said that any one who is invited is at liberty1 but not under any obligation1 to send a gift4 ,relatives and intimate friends would do so1 whether invited or not4 ,circumstances may make it imperative to have the ceremony performed very quietly and to omit the usual reception4 ,it is true that many of those invited to the bride's house send a gift1 though by no means all4 ,a young woman who has a large wedding will receive more presents than one who simply sends out announcement cards after the ceremony4 ,the family clergyman and physician are not expected to make gifts1 for obvious reasons4 ,friends who are in mourning do so1 even if unable to attend the wedding4 ,the expense of the present should be in a certain proportion to the means of the giver4 ,those who are tempted to give something more expensive than they can afford should remember that it would be painful to a bride possessed of delicacy of feeling to think that she had overtaxed the generosity of a friend4 ,if one cannot afford to spend much money1 one should atone for it by giving plenty of thought to the selection of the gift4 ,for this purpose it is well to consult some member of the family1 or an intimate friend1 about the bride's tastes and wishes4 ,a present that is carefully chosen to meet the needs of the recipient often gives more pleasure than a very expensive article selected at random4 ,business associates or those who are under obligations to either of the two families send gifts if they receive invitations4 ,the custom of displaying the presents on the day of the wedding has gone out of fashion in large cities4 ,it is thought better to show them only to intimate friends1 who are asked to call in an informal way shortly before the wedding-day4 ,in country places the gifts are sometimes exhibited at the reception on the day of the marriage4 ,they are usually set out in an up-stairs room1 the cards of the givers being removed in order to prevent invidious comparisons4 ,the guests invited to a wedding may be few or many1 as the bride's family find convenient4 ,if the ceremony is to take place at a large church1 invitations are often sent to all those on the visiting-lists of the parents of both young people1 as well as to the friends of the latter4 ,some gracious and thoughtful brides do not forget to send to certain persons not on their visiting-lists--humble friends who sincerely appreciate such a remembrance4 ,if a young woman prefers to have only her relatives and near friends present at her marriage1 she will probably please her fianc1 for men usually dislike very much the parade and show of a large wedding4 ,where only a limited circle are invited to attend the ceremony1 general invitations are sometimes sent out for the reception following it4 ,this arrangement can be made for either a home or a church wedding4 ,the bride's mother must be careful1 however1 not to overcrowd her rooms4 ,in summer a country house may be readily enlarged by closing in the piazzas1 or a large tent may be placed on the lawn4 ,when the whole circle of friends and acquaintances have been invited to the church1 there will be no cause for complaint if only relatives and intimate friends are asked to the reception4 ,wedding invitations should be engraved on plain1 heavy white paper of the best quality4 ,the family crest in white is sometimes embossed on this4 ,the envelopes match the paper and are without device or ornament4 ,the following is a proper form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,amos ,litchfield request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,louisa ,alsop to ,mr4 ,james ,otis ,griswold on the afternoon of ,thursday1 the fourth of ,november1 at four o'clock at the ,church of the ,disciples ,amsterdam ,avenue and ,eightieth ,street ,new ,york ,or a blank may be left and the name of the person invited be written in4 ,if there are cards of admission to the church1 they may read3 ,please present this card at the ,church of the ,disciples ,amsterdam ,avenue and ,eightieth ,street on ,thursday1 the fourth of ,november ,if many guests are expected1 a plan should be made of the church1 showing how the numbers of the pews run4 ,relatives and friends are assigned to these in the order of their relationship or intimacy with the family1 those nearest and dearest coming next to the altar4 ,the number of the pew is written on the card of admission to the church4 ,the ushers are provided with duplicate plans1 giving the names of these special guests and the pews they are to occupy4 ,another method is to have cards engraved3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 4 4 4 will please present this card to an usher ,the latter can then look up the name on his list and see which pew has been assigned to that guest4 ,the bride's family and friends sit on the left of the middle aisle1 those of the groom on the right4 ,the invitations to the reception are usually engraved on a large white card1 according to the following formula3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,amos ,litchfield request the pleasure of your company or of 4 4 4 4's company on ,thursday1 the fourth of ,november1 at half after four o'clock at ,seventeen ,waverley ,place ,the fashion of asking only a limited number of persons to the wedding and of sending out announcement cards afterward seems to be gaining in public favor4 ,these cards are sent to the friends and acquaintances of the bride and groom and their parents4 ,a proper form is3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,amos ,litchfield have the honor of announcing the marriage of their daughter ,margaret ,louise to ,mr4 ,james ,otis ,griswold on ,thursday1 the fourth of ,november1 ,one thousand nine hundred and fourteen at ,windymere ,west ,medford1 ,massachusetts ,the announcement is engraved on the same sort of paper as that used for wedding invitations4 ,with it may be inclosed a card with the address of the newly married couple3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,otis ,griswold ,will be at home ,three hundred and four after the twentieth ,west ,fiftieth ,street of ,november ,new ,york ,announcements are usually mailed immediately after the marriage4 ,if the 8,at ,home0 cards are sent out with the invitations1 they contain no name1 but simply the statement3 ,will be at home after the twentieth of ,november at ,forty-four ,east ,fiftieth ,street1 ,new ,york ,or special reception days may be mentioned1 as3 ,thursdays in ,december4 ,the cards and all the other expenses of the wedding1 with a few exceptions mentioned elsewhere1 are paid for by the bride's family4 ,a home wedding is of necessity a simpler affair than one celebrated at church4 ,according to the good old custom1 the clergyman came in first1 a place being arranged for him at the head of the room facing the company4 ,the bride and groom then entered arm-in-arm1 taking up their position in front of the minister4 ,at the conclusion of the ceremony the latter withdrew to one side and the newly married couple took his place1 turning around to receive the congratulations of relatives and friends1 those nearest and dearest greeting them first4 ,it has been found convenient1 however1 to mark off with white ribbon an aisle down which the bride and groom pass4 ,young girls may hold the four ends1 or these may be fastened4 ,the cortge is sometimes a miniature copy of that seen in the church ceremonial4 ,thus the ushers may lead the procession1 a bridesmaid or two entering next1 the bride leaning on her father's arm following them4 ,with this arrangement the groom and best man enter a little beforehand1 standing at the left of the clergyman4 ,if the giving away of the bride is to be omitted1 the procession may consist of the ushers1 the best man1 a bridesmaid1 and the bride and groom1 entering in the order named4 ,there are often no bridesmaids at a house wedding4 ,the old marriage ceremony is so beautiful1 so hallowed by tradition and sentiment1 that we are inclined to cling to it1 although some of its features are archaic remains of an older civilization4 ,now that so many women are independent citizens1 earning their own living and1 in many countries of ,europe1 as well as in ten ,states of our ,union1 voting and holding public office1 it seems incongruous to have them 8given away in marriage40 ,even in conservative ,england the question of dropping the word 8obey0 from the service is now being agitated by no lesser personages than the bishops of the ,established ,church6 ,we read that one of these dignitaries withdrew his motion to this effect because he saw that the ecclesiastical body was not yet ready to pass it4 ,the church selected for the wedding is usually the one which the bride and her family attend4 ,if this is not large enough to hold the guests1 another belonging to the same denomination is sometimes preferred4 ,if the groom lives in the same town as the bride1 he calls upon the clergyman and secures his services for the time when the ceremony is to be performed4 ,if the fianc lives at a distance1 it may be more convenient to have the arrangement made by the bride's family4 ,in either event the groom pays the clergyman's fee4 ,this varies in amount with the former's means and with the scale on which the whole affair is conducted4 ,since the question is left to his honor as a gentleman1 he should surely reimburse the minister in a manner suited to his own dignity and to that of the occasion4 ,it is in the worst possible taste to lavish money on decorating the sacred office in a resplendent manner and then repay its hospitality by handing its official head a small and wholly inadequate sum4 ,for a large and handsome wedding the organist receives twenty-five dollars and the clergyman should be given fifty dollars4 ,if the bridegroom is a rich man1 he sometimes doubles this sum4 ,for a small and quiet wedding1 the fee would vary from ten to twenty-five dollars4 ,five dollars is said to be the minimum4 ,the fee is inclosed in an envelope and handed to the best man4 ,it may consist of gold1 new bank-bills1 or a check4 ,the last-named has obvious advantages1 for an absent-minded best man sometimes forgets to give the missive to the clergyman4 ,gold pieces are often preferred1 however1 since the old ,english custom prescribed that the groom should lay these and the wedding-ring on the open prayer-book held by the clergyman4 ,the bridegroom also pays for the ring4 ,if the wedding is to take place at church1 he provides the conveyance which will take him and the best man there1 bringing the latter to the bride's house for the reception or breakfast4 ,should the weather be bad or the distance so great as to call for carriages for the ushers1 he provides these also1 as well as the carriage in which he and the bride start on their honeymoon trip4 ,he has no other expenses connected with the wedding1 except the bouquets1 souvenirs1 etc41 spoken of elsewhere4 ,the sexton1 organist1 and florist should all be notified in good season4 ,the former will1 if it is requested1 have an awning and carpet between the church door and the curb4 ,for a large wedding he will need assistants to open the doors of the vehicles as they drive up1 to receive the cards of admission1 to keep the line moving so that the street will not be blocked1 to call the carriages afterward1 and to protect the entrance from too great pressure by the admiring onlookers4 ,the ,press has had some sad stories about the rude behavior1 the pushing and crowding of the multitude1 when certain much-advertised weddings took place4 ,such rudeness is greatly to be deplored4 ,it occurs to the philosopher that a simple and easy way to avoid the presence of these ill-bred throngs would be to have the religious ceremony conducted in a quieter and simpler manner4 ,men and women1 particularly the latter1 are always anxious to behold a much-heralded spectacle4 ,the organist should be told of the musical selections made by the bride4 ,sometimes he plays a subdued accompaniment during the marriage ceremony4 ,according to a pleasant modern custom1 the flowers are sent from the church to hospitals after the wedding4 ,some competent person is specially employed to attend to this distribution4 ,it is contrary both to good manners and to the laws of the land to have any rehearsal of the marriage ceremony4 ,one of the procession often takes place a day or two in advance4 ,the head usher sets the pace1 which should be rather slow1 but not funereal4 ,a young girl who was given away in marriage by her grandfather not long ago was heard to whisper to the latter1 as they went up the aisle1 8,not so fast1 grandpa6 ,not so fast60 ,if the bride dislikes the idea of taking part in the rehearsal1 she may be replaced by a friend4 ,the head usher may be called the master of ceremonies at the church4 ,he or one of his assistants should be there early to see that everything is properly arranged4 ,all the ushers should be in their places three-quarters of an hour or more before the time named for the wedding4 ,they stand at the entrance to the aisles and escort the guests to the seats assigned them4 ,formerly a barrier of white ribbon or flowers marked off the seats in the middle aisle reserved for the relatives and special friends4 ,it is now thought better not to fence off the aisle in this way1 but simply to indicate the division by means of a bow or a bunch of flowers4 ,if the guests have cards on which their names or the numbers of the pews they are to occupy are written1 they do not give these up at the door1 but retain them to show to the usher4 ,where there are no such cards for his guidance1 he inquires the name and consults his list or his memory4 ,if he is not sure on which side the guest belongs1 he asks whether the latter is a friend of the bride or of the groom4 ,the head usher1 who is stationed in the middle aisle1 usually has some acquaintance with most of the chief guests4 ,the groom and best man arrive in good season1 remaining in the vestry or robing-room until after the clergyman has appeared upon the scene4 ,they then emerge from their concealment and stand at the back of the chancel1 waiting for the arrival of the bridal cortge4 ,the bride's mother does not form part of this1 but is escorted to her place by an usher shortly before its appearance4 ,in the mean time the bridesmaids repair in their carriages to the house of the bride1 in order that all may start together for the church4 ,she and her father should be ready at the hour agreed upon1 their carriage bringing up the rear of the little procession4 ,as it approaches the church1 the ushers close in the pews of the middle aisle by carrying a white ribbon down either side of it4 ,this should not be removed until the bridal party has driven away at the conclusion of the ceremony4 ,as the carriages of the bridal party appear1 the ushers see that all doors are closed from the vestibule into the church1 as well as those leading into the street1 excepting that by which the cortge is to enter4 ,the head bridesmaid1 or the maid of honor1 spreads out the bride's train1 unless this is done by a special attendant4 ,the procession then forms1 the doors of the central aisle are thrown open1 and the organist plays the wedding march4 ,the ushers come first1 walking in pairs2 the bridesmaids follow1 then the maid of honor1 and last of all the bride with her father4 ,the bridegroom comes forward1 takes the bride's hand1 and leads her before the clergyman4 ,half the bridesmaids and ushers now turn to the left and take up their places near the bridal couple1 the other half do the same on the right1 the girls standing on the inside1 the men on the outside4 ,if there is a maid of honor1 she should be at the bride's left2 if there is none1 then the first bridesmaid takes this position in order to help her friend pull off her left glove when the ring is to be put on1 to remove the veil from her face at the close of the ceremony1 and to see that her train is properly arranged as she starts to walk down the aisle4 ,if the bride and groom are to kneel down1 it is well to provide hassocks for the purpose4 ,the bridesmaids and ushers remain standing1 however4 ,something of a sensation was caused at a recent fashionable wedding in ,boston when an emotional young man knelt down1 to the consternation of his fellows4 ,the other ushers were obliged to follow suit1 the twelve going down upon their knees in a semicircle4 ,the father of the bride remains standing a little behind the young couple1 until the clergyman asks who gives her away4 ,he then steps forward and places her right hand in that of the clergyman1 who in turn puts it in the groom's right hand4 ,this is in accordance with the ritual of the ,episcopal ,church4 ,sometimes the father intimates his consent merely by bowing1 but the first mentioned is the better way4 ,his part in the ceremony now being at an end1 he retires to the pew where his wife is sitting4 ,if the bride's father is not living1 her oldest brother or nearest male relative gives her away4 ,a widowed mother sometimes performs this office4 ,guests should come to the church in good season1 so that they may be settled quietly in their places before the arrival of the bridal party4 ,to come at the last moment is not according to good form4 ,at the conclusion of the ceremony they should remain in the pews until the wedding procession and the near relations have passed out4 ,those who have received invitations to the reception then go to the house of the bride's parents4 ,it is well not to hasten there too rapidly1 however1 as the bridal party will need a few moments to arrange themselves4 ,as the bride's mother is the hostess of the occasion1 she and the father may stand near the door of the drawing-room so as to greet the guests as they enter4 ,strangers ask the ushers to present them4 ,all then pass on to the end of the apartment1 where the bride and groom stand together1 the bridesmaids being on the right of the former2 or they may be divided in the same way as at the church1 half on either side of the young couple4 ,the groom's parents stand near by4 ,the other guests should be presented to them4 ,the bride greets all cordially1 shaking hands with them and presenting to her husband those with whom he is not acquainted4 ,only near relations and intimate friends are privileged to kiss the bride4 ,at a large wedding reception there is not time to say much to the newly married couple1 as the line passes on rapidly4 ,where there is only a friendly acquaintance1 it suffices to say1 8,i wish you every possible happiness10 or something of the sort4 ,if the presents are on exhibition1 the guests go up-stairs to see them and then pass on into the dining-room4 ,this method of having the company go forward in line should be adopted where many people are present4 ,it is quicker than the old custom1 in accordance with which the best man and ushers escorted the guests up to the bride and groom and the parents4 ,these young men are always on hand1 however1 acting as masters of ceremony4 ,they introduce strangers to the bride and groom and ask people to go into the dining-room4 ,there they wait upon the ladies who are without escort4 ,the collation is served from a large central table in the dining-room4 ,some caterers arrange a buffet at the side1 thus taking up less space4 ,for a large reception the bill of fare would comprise bouillon1 salads1 croquettes1 oysters in their season1 ices1 little cakes1 and coffee4 ,birds and other delicacies are sometimes added4 ,if wine is served it is usually champagne4 ,for a wedding in the country the menu may be much simpler1 chicken salad1 sandwiches1 ice-cream1 and coffee1 for instance4 ,indeed1 it is perfectly proper1 where only a few friends are invited1 to offer cake and wine alone4 ,the bride and groom remain in their places until all the guests have had an opportunity to greet them4 ,this means that they will stay there during the greater part of the reception1 if many persons are present4 ,where the wedding is not a large one they repair to the dining-room1 or refreshments may be brought to them in the drawing-room4 ,in the former case the best man or some near friend proposes their health1 all honoring the toast by standing1 glass in hand1 and taking at least a sip of the wine4 ,the bride remains during an hour or more of the reception1 and then withdraws to assume her traveling-dress4 ,a sister1 the maid of honor1 or one or more of the bridesmaids help her to do this1 while the mother comes in before her daughter is ready to leave the room4 ,the last good-by is1 of course1 for this dear parent4 ,the maid of honor and the best man do what they can to facilitate the escape of the young couple from the friends who are waiting in the front hall to bombard them with rice1 confetti1 or flowers4 ,this method of saluting the bride and groom is so well established that it seems best to accept it philosophically and good-naturedly4 ,some young men are not satisfied with rice or confetti throwing1 but indulge in a rowdyism of behavior that cannot be too strongly condemned4 ,the bride creates a diversion by dropping her bouquet from the elevator or the top of the stairs4 ,her young women friends scramble for it1 the person who catches it being sure to marry within the year1 according to the old superstition4 ,where the marriage takes place at noon1 a wedding breakfast may be arranged for the bridal party alone1 or for as many guests as the house will hold comfortably4 ,in the warm season the veranda and lawns of a country house are also utilized4 ,the breakfast may be served 8en buffet0 as at a reception1 or the company may be seated at one or more tables1 in accordance with the number present4 ,the latter is the more elegant method1 but requires more service4 ,if many persons are invited1 there is usually a large central table ornamented with white flowers for the bridal party1 with smaller ones for the rest of the company4 ,when the collation is ready the groom gives his arm to the bride and leads the way to the dining-room1 followed by the bride's father with the groom's mother1 the groom's father with the bride's mother1 the best man with the maid of honor or first bridesmaid1 and the other bridesmaids1 each being escorted by an usher4 ,sometimes the clergyman who performs the marriage ceremony takes in the bride's mother1 allowing the others to precede them as a hostess would at a dinner4 ,in this case the groom's father takes in the bride's aunt or some other member of her family4 ,the newly married couple sit side by side at the head of the table1 the bride's mother sitting at the foot1 between the groom's father and the clergyman4 ,according to another arrangement1 the bride's father with the groom's mother sits beside his daughter1 the bride's mother with the groom's father coming next to the bridegroom4 ,half the bridesmaids and ushers sit on each side of the table4 ,if the newly married couple sit in the middle of one side instead of at the head1 the bridesmaids and ushers are placed opposite to them4 ,should the size of the table permit and the bride's mother so desire1 other relatives or friends may be placed there4 ,indeed1 at a small breakfast all the guests are seated at one table4 ,in this case it is well to have place-cards4 ,at a large wedding the guests not belonging to the bridal party follow the latter into the dining-room1 entering without formality4 ,sometimes the small tables are arranged in the adjoining rooms and in the hall4 ,no place-cards are used for these4 ,the breakfast is served in courses1 ending with after-dinner coffee2 it is usually accompanied by champagne4 ,it is according to old tradition to have the bride cut the cake2 but she does nothing more than to insert the knife1 the attendants dividing it into slices and handing these about4 ,the most sensible way of distributing the cake is to have it packed in boxes beforehand by the caterer4 ,these are arranged on a table in the front hall1 a servant handing a box to each person as he leaves4 ,at the close of the repast1 the health of the bride and groom is proposed by the best man1 by the father of the groom1 or by an old family friend4 ,the father of the bride or the bridegroom himself sometimes responds4 ,if any speeches are to be made1 the speakers should be notified beforehand4 ,at the conclusion of these or of the toasts the bride retires to put on her traveling-dress4 ,where the two families who are about to be united by marriage live at a distance from each other1 the bride's parents should invite the groom's father and mother or other near relatives to stay with them4 ,should it not be convenient to exercise this personal hospitality1 they should engage rooms at a hotel for these out-of-town guests4 ,in the country or in a suburban town the bride's aunts1 cousins1 and near friends throw open their houses and entertain as many of the wedding-party as they can4 ,for the remainder1 accommodations are secured at the local inn or at a boarding-house4 ,all this should be definitely arranged beforehand4 ,each lady who has kindly consented to act as a hostess should write a personal note of invitation to the guests allotted to her1 asking them to stay at her house or apartment4 ,she should inquire at what time they will arrive1 and should go to meet the ladies1 or send some one to do so1 on their arrival at the station4 ,if she possesses an automobile or a carriage or can borrow one1 she will go in that4 ,it is courteous to send a conveyance to meet the gentlemen also2 but it is not necessary1 as men can usually take care of themselves4 ,the bride's parents thus exercise a vicarious hospitality1 in addition to doing what they can personally to make the visitors welcome4 ,they will1 if possible1 invite the friends from a distance to their house on the day preceding the marriage4 ,the entertainment may take the form of a dinner1 or the guests may be asked to come in the evening very informally4 ,the bride's family should greet them all with much cordiality4 ,simple refreshments such as lemonade1 coffee1 or ice-cream with cake may be served4 ,the presents may be on view in a room up-stairs4 ,the bride's parents do not pay the hotel bills of friends and relatives coming to the wedding from a distance1 unless they have invited the latter to come as their guests4 ,they may assume this expense if they please1 but it is in no way obligatory for them to do so4 ,when a wedding takes place in the neighborhood of a large city and many of the guests come by train1 the bride's family should make sure that there are conveyances at the station to bring to the house or church persons who cannot well walk4 ,if the weather is good1 and the street-cars pass conveniently near1 only a few carriages may be needed4 ,if the bride's father is a man of means1 he will engage vehicles of some sort to meet the train and transport all the guests at his expense4 ,special cars or special trains are sometimes provided for out-of-town weddings4 ,in this case persons receiving invitations should respond promptly and definitely1 in order that the host may know what railroad and other accommodations will be necessary4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,vii ,,public ,,dinners ,,and ,,receptions ,luncheons of ,women's ,clubs--,duties of ,dinner and ,reception ,committees--,arrangements in ,suburban ,towns--,the ,courteous and the ,discourteous ,guest--,evening ,dress and ,demi-toilette4 ,,there are several definitions of the phrase 8a public dinner40 ,we may hold that it means only those large general functions1 usually of a political nature1 which are virtually open to the public on payment of a certain sum at a stated time4 ,or we may give the term a much broader application and include under it all dinners that are not private1 such as the banquets of clubs and societies1 to which tickets are purchased by members of the organization and their friends4 ,in this chapter the phrase is used in its broader and more general meaning4 ,a public dinner is usually a subscription affair1 all paying for their tickets except the specially invited guests4 ,these are of two classes--namely1 the persons invited by the association or club as a whole1 and those who are asked by the individual members4 ,an invitation to subscribe is sent to all who are likely to be interested in the object of the occasion1 or to a small and select circle1 as the case may demand4 ,if this is to contain full information1 a double sheet of white note-paper should be used4 ,it may be ornamented with a suitable device1 such as the national flag or a likeness of the hero of the day4 ,the matter may be engraved1 or printed1 if the work is done in thoroughly good style4 ,plain black type of two or three sizes1 but all in the same style1 has a very good effect4 ,the formula for the first page may be as follows3 ,you are invited to attend ,the ,second ,annual ,,washington',s ,,birthday ,,dinner of the ,,republican ,,party to be held at the ,,waldorf-,,astoria ,fifth ,avenue and ,thirty-third ,street ,new ,york ,city ,monday evening1 ,february twenty-third ,nineteen hundred and fifteen at seven o'clock ,ladies are invited ,the second page may contain the list of speakers and their subjects4 ,on the third page additional information may be inserted1 as1 for instance3 ,,notice ,the dinner will be served at #g3ae ,p4,m4 sharp1 and will end at #aa3ae ,p4,m4 sharp4 ,as it will be run on schedule time1 you may depend on both hours4 ,tickets will be #e4jj each2 the tables seat ten4 ,please reply on the inclosed blank4 ,checks should be made payable to ,john ,doe1 ,treasurer1 and sent to him at #cb ,amsterdam ,avenue1 ,new ,york ,city1 ,telephone #cghi ,spring4 ,those sending in their remittances at once will receive a preference in the seating4 ,the names of the members of the ,dinner ,committee follow4 ,where it is unnecessary to set forth the attractions of the affair in order to procure subscribers1 the list of the speakers and committeemen may be omitted4 ,a printed subscription-blank and envelope addressed to the treasurer are inclosed4 ,the plan of sending tickets without first obtaining permission to do so is strongly objected to by most people1 and with good reason4 ,the general committee may be divided into two or three smaller ones--namely1 the committees of arrangements1 of invitations1 and of the floor4 ,all act as a reception committee on the evening of the dinner1 and all wear badges4 ,they thus show their authority and enable guests to appeal to them for information4 ,it is important that efficient persons shall be chosen as chairmen and vice-chairmen4 ,the latter1 like the vice-president of the ,united ,states1 may be called upon to fulfil the duties of the higher office4 ,where there are several committees it is well for their heads to meet together from time to time1 in order to make sure that the sphere of each is well defined1 that all the ground is covered1 and that there is no duplication of work4 ,the main responsibility1 however1 rests with the chairman of the general or dinner committee1 who often does the greater part of the work4 ,he it is who must consult with the matre d'htel4 ,together they select a day and decide upon the menu4 ,the ,waldorf-,astoria is the favorite place for men's public dinners4 ,it is so much in demand for this purpose that the date of a function is decided months or even a year in advance4 ,about twenty-five per cent1 in addition to the price of the dinner must be allowed for music1 fee to head waiter1 and other incidentals4 ,thus1 if the entertainment is to cost four dollars1 the price of the tickets should be five dollars2 if the dinner costs two dollars1 two dollars and a half should be charged4 ,when the affair takes place at a first-class hotel there is little cause for anxiety1 as the management furnish the articles of the bill of fare and the service1 and are responsible for both4 ,when the dinner is held at a hall1 the chairman of the dinner committee should employ a caterer of established reputation who can be trusted to supply food of the proper quality and quantity1 as well as a sufficient number of trained waiters under the control of a competent head man4 ,this functionary should be present at the dinner and direct his subordinates as occasion may require4 ,while modern standards of taste do not demand such a number of courses as were formerly provided1 it is essential that the dishes should be good of their kind1 and that the supply should be large enough to meet all reasonable requirements4 ,it is certainly desirable to have the service rapid1 but guests should have a little patience1 for all cannot be served at once4 ,to bribe the waiters at an occasion of this sort is 8bad form10 since it is unfair to the other guests and may result in utter demoralization of the service4 ,some people eat their dinner before they leave home1 attending the public function only for its social side and for the pleasure of hearing the speeches4 ,with regard to feeing the waiters at a public dinner1 it should be said that at a first-class hotel the management allows no intimations or hints to be made on this subject4 ,each guest does as he sees fit in the matter--the feeing is optional and personal1 not collective4 ,the placing of a plate on the table and thus holding up the diners is sometimes seen in out-of-town places1 but is contrary to good form4 ,it may be said that at large public dinners in ,new ,york about half the men fee the waiters4 ,wine is not included in the menu on these occasions4 ,those who order it do so at their own expense1 and usually give a tip4 ,twenty-five cents is expected for a bottle of champagne1 ten or fifteen cents for white wine or claret4 ,in order to insure good results1 the committee of arrangements should1 after consultation with their caterer1 fix a certain day or hour after which they will refuse to receive subscriptions4 ,the temptation to admit additional guests at the last moment should be firmly resisted4 ,in ,new ,york ,city1 hotels usually refuse to arrange for the seating of additional guests after three o'clock of the day of the banquet4 ,in country places it is necessary to give much longer notice4 ,at the luncheons of the ,state ,federations of ,women's ,clubs great discomfort ensues when the delegates do not conform to the rules1 but arrive in large numbers without giving the required notice to the entertainment committee4 ,if the place of meeting is in some quiet country town1 the latter find it difficult or impossible to procure additional supplies of food1 yet they dislike very much to send the visitors away hungry4 ,the result is often delay1 confusion1 and dissatisfaction4 ,if a public dinner is held in a place of this sort1 where no good caterer is available1 some local organization of women--those belonging to a certain church or league--may be asked to furnish the entertainment4 ,if they are capable persons and have had some experience in work of this sort1 the result will be satisfactory4 ,a simpler bill of fare would1 in this instance1 replace the more elaborate provisions of the professional caterer4 ,small tables seating from six to ten guests are now preferred to the long ones formerly in vogue4 ,eight is the number usually selected4 ,the table for the speakers and guests of honor is placed on a platform in the middle of one end of the room4 ,it is handsomely decorated and has seats on three sides only1 the fourth being left vacant1 so that the speakers can see and be seen4 ,the president or chairman sits in the middle1 the most distinguished guest on his right1 the person of next consideration on his left4 ,if both men and women are at the table1 their seats should1 so far as possible1 alternate4 ,a name-card is set at each place1 together with the bill of fare1 engraved or nicely printed4 ,when the guests are assigned to small numbered tables1 place-cards are not used1 but each guest is furnished with a menu4 ,the committee of arrangements should provide one or more cloak-rooms1 with attendants to check the various articles of clothing4 ,if ladies are invited1 there should be a special dressing and cloak room for their use1 also an awning and carpet at the entrance if the weather is bad4 ,a man will be needed to help the ladies from their carriages and to call these at the close of the entertainment4 ,members of the floor or reception committee1 wearing their badges1 should be on hand to direct the guests and to prevent as far as possible congestion in the hallways2 or employees of the hotel may be stationed in the corridors for this purpose4 ,the dinner is usually preceded by an informal reception of half or three-quarters of an hour1 in order to give all an opportunity to meet the chief guests or chief speaker4 ,it is held in one of the parlors of the establishment1 the president of the organization1 the chairman of the dinner committee1 or the toastmaster standing with the chief guest at the head of the room4 ,it is the duty of the members of the reception committee to see that all are presented to this distinguished couple4 ,they move about the rooms1 capturing and bringing up those guests who have not yet spoken to the hosts of the evening4 ,they inquire the names of men with whom they are not personally acquainted and introduce them to the president1 who shakes hands and in turn presents them to the guest of honor4 ,at the receptions of women's clubs there is often a receiving-line consisting of the officers of the body1 and sometimes one or more distinguished guests4 ,the club members and their friends go up and shake hands with the president1 who introduces them to the guest of honor4 ,it is not necessary to speak to all in the receiving-party1 unless one is personally acquainted with them4 ,where many persons are present they usually go up in line4 ,a member of the floor committee may introduce them to the hostess of the evening4 ,if there is no one to perform this office for her1 a guest should pronounce her own name4 ,it is the custom in some clubs to receive merely with a gracious bow or courtesy1 the president shaking hands only with her personal friends4 ,in this case a guest who does not know any of the ladies makes a low bow to include them all1 and passes on4 ,when there is no regular reception1 the company gather in the drawing-rooms and chat together until the doors are opened into the dining-room4 ,the president and chief guest go first1 the other guests of honor follow1 each escorted by a member of the reception committee4 ,the remainder of the company do not form in line1 but enter as they find convenient4 ,at certain clubs--the ,national ,arts of ,new ,york1 for instance--the gentlemen give their arms to the ladies1 as they would at a dinner in a private house4 ,members of the society should inform their guests beforehand of this custom4 ,if a gentleman has two ladies under his care1 and is unable to find an escort for either of them1 he should offer his arm to the elder1 the younger walking beside her4 ,occasionally it is arranged at a public dinner to have all go directly from the dressing-rooms to the dining-hall4 ,this saves the rent of parlors2 but it is much better to have a reception of some sort precede the banquet4 ,there are several ways of letting people know where their places are4 ,sometimes the number of the table is printed on the ticket1 and on entering the dining-room it is only necessary to hunt up the corresponding numerals4 ,these are painted conspicuously on large cards standing on the various tables4 ,it is a better1 though more expensive1 plan to print on large sheets of paper the list of guests1 arranged alphabetically1 and the number of the table at which each person is to sit4 ,these are distributed to everybody4 ,unfortunately1 at the conventions of some associations the members do not decide to attend the dinner until such a late hour of the day that the unlucky committee of arrangements are obliged to spend the afternoon planning where all are to sit4 ,a few lists hastily printed are fastened up in the assembly-room1 and around these the men gather in flocks to try to ascertain where their seats are4 ,if these are in a remote part of the hall1 the guest should make no comment1 but should accept the arrangements made for him without complaint4 ,the courteous man does so1 while the discourteous one grumbles and perhaps tries to have his seat changed4 ,i am sorry to say that some persons who ought to know better think that it is 8smart0 to rush in ahead of others1 and to seize a place that belongs of right to some one else4 ,the man who thus trespasses on the laws of good-breeding shows that he is not smart1 but only imperfectly civilized4 ,if every one followed his example there would be an end to law and order1 and we should return to barbarism4 ,since it is usual for all to leave their tables and draw near to the speakers at the conclusion of the banquet1 a distant seat is not necessarily a serious drawback to one's enjoyment4 ,at a public dinner the tickets may or may not be taken up4 ,sometimes there is a man in livery at the door of the dining-room who performs this office1 sometimes each waiter collects them from the diners at the table where he is stationed4 ,when the plan of printing a sheet containing the names of all the subscribers is followed1 and no one is assigned a seat after this list goes to press1 it is not really necessary to take up the tickets4 ,if any one has forgotten to pay1 the committee can easily send him a bill4 ,where the tickets are collected1 it suffices for a man who has forgotten his to give his visiting-card4 ,at men's dinners no tickets are demanded from guests4 ,those invited by the association are seated at the speaker's or other special table1 and paid for by the society4 ,those asked by private members are paid for by the latter4 ,a gentleman who engages a table for himself and his friends is held responsible for it4 ,the society giving the banquet is held responsible for the whole number of persons actually present at the dinner4 ,hence a careful count of them must be made4 ,after taking up the tickets at the different tables1 the waiters report to the captain of the floor4 ,this functionary informs the chairman of the dinner committee of the result of the count about the time when the third course is put on4 ,it is now the duty of the chairman to see that the number has been correctly estimated4 ,he leaves his seat1 goes about the room and into the gallery if he pleases1 counting the diners4 ,since all the tables seat the same number of persons1 usually eight1 this is not so difficult as it might appear4 ,it takes some time1 however1 to count several hundred people1 especially as it must be done a second time if the reckoning of the chairman does not agree with that of the captain of the floor4 ,when this officer of the association acts as toastmaster also1 as often happens1 he has no time to eat any dinner1 and a supper is served to him afterward4 ,the question may be asked1 8,should public dinners be opened with grace80 ,they often are1 but the custom is by no means universal4 ,if a clergyman is at the speaker's table1 he will be requested to ask a blessing4 ,a guest of distinction is occasionally invited to do so1 sometimes to his great surprise4 ,it is always possible to use the silent grace of the ,quakers or ,friends4 ,the usual form is1 8,for what we are about to receive make us truly thankful10 etc4 ,those who find themselves seated at table with people whom they do not know should remember that it is always courteous to say a few words to one's next-door neighbors1 even if they are strangers4 ,they may prove to be very agreeable people4 ,the president of the association1 or the chairman of the committee in charge1 calls the company to order at the end of the dinner4 ,he makes a short address himself1 and then introduces the speakers in turn1 with a few words of compliment or explanation4 ,a good toastmaster must have a voice clear and strong enough to be heard all over the room4 ,he should also be witty1 gracious1 and tactful4 ,if the president is not well qualified for this office1 the vice-president or some other person should be asked to make the introductions4 ,it is sometimes arranged to have the speakers begin while the dinner is still in progress4 ,the rattling of the plates1 as the servants remove and replace them1 creates so much disturbance that this plan should be adopted only where the service has been delayed and the hour is growing late4 ,occasionally we hear of a dinner where all speech-making has been omitted1 or replaced by 8,voiceless ,speech40 ,dancing now tends to crowd out all other forms of amusement at entertainments of all sorts4 ,the regulation wear for a public1 as for a private1 dinner is evening dress4 ,at a political banquet1 however1 a variety of costumes may be seen1 some men coming in business suits1 either because they find this more convenient or because they do not possess a dress-suit4 ,a man who is a faithful adherent of his party may feel it to be his duty and his pleasure to attend its festivities4 ,at a stag dinner a dinner-jacket with black waistcoat1 black trousers and tie may be worn4 ,many women wear low-necked and short-sleeved gowns4 ,others dislike doing so on such a public occasion4 ,they wear handsome costumes of silk1 satin1 velvet1 brocade1 chiffon1 or other dressy material1 slightly cut down at the neck and with elbow-sleeves4 ,the ,french call this 8demi-toilette10 signifying that it is a half-way stage between every-day and full dress4 ,for a public reception in the evening1 the dress is much the same as at a dinner4 ,most women wear no hats1 but some appear in light-colored1 dressy bonnets4 ,as a public dinner often lasts very late1 many persons slip quietly out between the speeches1 taking leave only of those sitting next them4 ,it is discourteous to go out in the middle of an address4 ,if one should meet a member of the reception committee1 one would naturally express pleasure in the evening's entertainment4 ,guests at the speaker's table would take leave of the presiding officer1 if seated near him4 ,the general body of diners do not think it necessary to take leave1 since every man has paid for his own ticket1 and so is in a sense his own host4 ,if anybody has any cause of complaint1 it is best to say nothing about it at the time1 but to speak or write afterward to the head of the proper committee4 ,one should begin by praising the entertainment as a whole1 and then suggest in a courteous way that such and such a matter might perhaps be arranged differently on the occasion of the next banquet4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,viii ,,balls ,,and ,,dances ,dinner and ,subscription ,dances--,roof-garden ,dances--,reciprocal ,duties of the ,chaperon and ,her ,charge--,how to ,enter and ,how to ,leave a ,ballroom--,objectionable ,styles of ,dancing--,the ,stag ,line and the ,dance ,programme--,the ,hostess and ,her ,assistants--,the ,host--,introductions at ,public and at ,private ,dances--,duties of ,floor ,committee--,supper ,etiquette--,dress for ,young ,girls and ,married ,women--,dress for ,men4 ,,according to the rules of good society1 her mother1 or some other chaperon of good position and suitable age1 should always accompany a young girl when she goes to a ball or other dance in the evening4 ,if this rule were always enforced as it should be1 we should not hear of the escapades which some thoughtless young women have indulged in of late years4 ,the swinging back of the pendulum1 which is sure to follow an excess in one direction1 will doubtless result before long in a stricter chaperonage4 ,suffice it to say that at present1 while a matron is expected to go with her charge to public balls and dances and on many other occasions1 at subscription affairs and at those in private houses she often does not do so4 ,it must not be supposed that the young women go alone or under masculine escort4 ,this would be contrary to good form4 ,in the absence of the mother a lady's-maid accompanies the daughter1 waits for her until the dance is over1 and returns in the carriage with her4 ,the girls are not wholly without chaperons1 as the patronesses act in this capacity4 ,it must be remembered also that these subscription dances are in a sense private affairs1 although held in assembly-rooms4 ,the patronesses make out a list of eligible persons whom they ask to subscribe1 and permit no one else to do so4 ,certain assemblies are arranged upon another plan1 the patronesses each subscribing for twelve tickets1 and then inviting six men and five girls to be their guests4 ,they often ask these young ladies to dine with them on the evening of the dance1 or the girls may take dinner with friends and all go on together4 ,the case is very different with the afternoon and evening dances which have sprung up in such great numbers since the advent of the tango craze4 ,since anybody is admitted who pays the entrance fee1 these are public affairs1 and not private in any sense of the word4 ,the so-called chaperon who at some places acts as mistress of ceremonies is supposed to pass judgment on the applicants for admission2 but evidently it would not be possible for her to exercise this right of judgment except in the most superficial way4 ,to a dance of this sort no young woman should think of going without a personal chaperon4 ,in a city like ,new ,york we should strongly advise her to attend only afternoon affairs1 and to remain an onlooker4 ,in a smaller place where every one knows everybody else1 and all are acquainted with the person getting up the dance1 the case would be different4 ,at a public dance the chaperon should not permit any introductions to be made to the young girl under her charge by persons unknown to her1 and she most certainly should not allow the latter to dance with strangers4 ,the mistress of ceremonies makes introductions where they are desired1 but to form acquaintances in a public resort of this kind is not according to good form1 and might indeed be very unsafe4 ,strangers coming to ,new ,york1 or any other large city1 should make careful inquiries before going to roof-gardens or other places of entertainment where there is dancing1 for while some of these are entirely respectable1 others are not4 ,we have said that at a private or subscription dance a girl often does not have a personal chaperon1 the patronesses assuming the duties of the latter in a general way4 ,when a matron does accompany a young woman1 it is the duty of the former to promote the pleasure of her young charge1 to prevent her from forming undesirable acquaintances and from making herself too conspicuous4 ,for all these reasons she needs to keep a watchful eye on her daughter or other young friend4 ,if the girl wanders off into the gallery in the company of some agreeable young man1 mamma must go or send after them and bid them return to the floor of the ballroom4 ,a patroness would do this in the case of an unchaperoned girl4 ,if a girl shows too marked a partiality for any individual1 the mother who is a clever woman of the world manages to break up the tte--tte4 ,she would do the same thing should a man of whom she disapproved be introduced to her daughter4 ,formerly a chaperon worthy of the name sat still and served as an island of refuge to the young woman under her care4 ,the latter returned to her protecting wing to rest between the numbers of the programme1 or when she had no partner for supper or dance4 ,whenever opportunity offered1 the chaperon introduced young men to her charge4 ,it must be confessed that the modern conditions of the ballroom restrict the beneficent activity of the matron on many occasions4 ,in the first place1 she finds it much harder to sit still4 ,no one under the age of ,methuselah is immune from the present craze for dancing4 ,at the ,charity ,ball in ,new ,york this year the boxes were deserted1 old as well as young capering about on the light fantastic toe4 ,in the second place1 the new custom of almost continuous dancing leaves few or no intervals for rest4 ,hence a girl cannot return to her chaperon so frequently as under the old rgime4 ,youth is apt to be selfish1 often through thoughtlessness4 ,the young woman who is having a delightful evening must not forget that the hours will pass much more slowly for her chaperon4 ,even if the latter dances herself1 she will not be able to continue it so long as those of the younger generation4 ,a girl must have some consideration for her mother and not keep her up until an unconscionably late hour4 ,if mamma sends word to her daughter that it is time to go home1 the latter should come without unnecessary delay4 ,the girl should return to her mother's side from time to time as opportunity offers1 especially if the latter knows few people and is having a dull evening4 ,she will1 of course1 always allow the older lady to precede her1 and will introduce her young friends to her chaperon as occasion arises4 ,thus1 when they make their first entrance into the ballroom at the beginning of the evening1 the latter goes in a step or two in advance of the younger woman4 ,if a man is of the party1 he follows the ladies4 ,the custom of entering arm-in-arm has gone entirely out of fashion1 as we have already said4 ,at subscription dances in ,new ,york it is usual to announce the guests as they go in1 a servant standing at the door for the purpose4 ,the patronesses should be in line to receive them2 but at some dances there is no one to perform the office4 ,these official hostesses may greet all comers with a bow or courtesy1 or they may follow the more cordial custom of shaking hands4 ,at the subscription dances in ,new ,york the last-named method is usually followed4 ,in ,boston a girl is taken up to the receiving-line by an usher4 ,she then makes a sweeping courtesy to all the patronesses1 and dances with him4 ,whether they shake hands or merely bow1 it is the duty of the ladies who receive to do so in a gracious manner1 as befits a hostess4 ,should one take leave of the latter after a dance8 ,this depends upon circumstances4 ,the persons who take their departure early often slip out quietly1 in order not to advertise the fact that they are going4 ,it is not altogether a compliment to a hostess to leave early in the evening1 and if many people did so it would tend to break up the ball4 ,should one pass near the lady of the house1 however1 politeness requires that one should bid her good night and express pleasure in the evening's entertainment or congratulate her on its success4 ,later on1 when the movement to go home becomes general1 all take their leave of the hostess1 and of the host1 if he is standing near4 ,the discussion about the merits and demerits of the new styles of dancing has raged so vigorously in press and pulpit that every one is familiar with it4 ,the result of all this debate has been good1 since the objectionable features have been to a great extent removed4 ,when the tango and the other new dances were first introduced1 there was a great deal of unfavorable criticism of the method of holding the partner1 and of the 8shaking and wiggling0 motions of the body4 ,the latter was a consequence1 it is said1 of the slow movement of the music4 ,this rendered it difficult to dance without a swaying accompaniment4 ,by making the tempo a little more rapid it has been found possible to eliminate the last feature1 and good dancers have proved that the tango1 one-step1 and the like can be executed well and gracefully without holding the partner too closely4 ,it is evident that the new dances have been greatly modified1 and that they will not be given up at present4 ,it is pointed out that there always have been1 and perhaps always will be1 some persons who dance in a way that people of refinement disapprove of4 ,it is a rule of good society to avoid everything that makes a person conspicuous1 hence amateur dancers of good taste do not take their steps in the exaggerated and sensational style suitable only for professional performers4 ,a lady who wishes to give a large dance usually hires an assembly-room1 unless she possesses a very spacious house4 ,the arrangements at the front door1 in the dressing-rooms1 etc41 are the same as those described elsewhere4 ,checks for the wraps1 hats1 and coats will be needed1 cigars and cigarettes may be provided for the men4 ,the use of dance programmes has been abandoned to a great extent1 except at college1 military1 and naval balls4 ,here the young ladies often come from a distance1 and the dance-cards are filled out for them beforehand by their brothers or friends4 ,where a dbutante is to be introduced to society she stands beside her mother1 who shakes hands cordially with all her guests and then presents her daughter to the ladies1 the men being introduced to the young girl4 ,if the older daughters assist in receiving1 they stand beyond the youngest4 ,the husband sometimes receives with his wife1 and sometimes does not4 ,at a dance in a private house1 a greater responsibility devolves upon the hostess than in a subscription affair1 where a floor committee have the management of matters4 ,she endeavors to provide her guests with partners1 and makes some introductions1 her husband and daughters assisting her4 ,at a subscription dance1 if a young girl after making her bow to the patronesses fails to meet any one whom she knows1 one of these official hostesses or a member of the floor committee presents a partner to her4 ,these gentlemen wear a small boutonnire to indicate their office4 ,it is their duty and pleasure to make everything go off well1 and to assist the young girls in any way that may be needed4 ,they know most of the guests and make introductions4 ,according to the present system of dancing1 a number of the men form 8a stag line0 near the patronesses4 ,after a couple have danced one or more times around the room1 another man steps out from this line and 8breaks in10 as the term is4 ,that is to say1 he interrupts their progress and asks the girl to dance with him4 ,this she should certainly do1 unless there is some very special reason for refusing4 ,it would be awkward for the young man to go back to the line1 as every one would see that his invitation had been declined4 ,it would probably result in an awkward situation for the girl also1 as to dance a long time with the same partner continuously is now considered highly undesirable4 ,a young woman who does so runs the risk of being considered a wall-flower4 ,if she does not know many of the young men present1 it may happen that no one will 8break in10 and it will become her duty1 after a certain length of time1 to release her partner4 ,there are several ways of doing this4 ,she may ask to speak to the patronesses or to another girl4 ,in the last case an exchange of partners may be effected1 or the young man whom she is releasing may bring up a third man and present him to the other young lady2 or our young friend may appeal to a member of the floor committee4 ,he will perhaps dance with her himself1 or present another partner to her4 ,young women sometimes serve on the floor committee at a dance4 ,these are usually girls who have been for some years in society4 ,while1 as has been said1 a young woman should not under ordinary circumstances refuse to dance with a man who 8breaks in10 it is permissible for her to do so1 if her partner is unwilling to release her4 ,if he intimates to the new-comer that it is his dance and that he does not want to give it up1 then the girl may1 if she pleases1 go on dancing with him4 ,this arrangement of a stag line with frequent change of partners is suitable only for private or semi-private affairs1 such as subscription dances4 ,for a public ball the older method of engaging a partner for an entire number is the proper one4 ,for the time being1 the cotillion1 or ,german1 has gone very much out of fashion4 ,the modern system of continuous dancing and taking only short turns with each partner1 makes it less of a compliment than formerly to engage a young lady for a single dance4 ,hence special emphasis is now laid on the invitation to supper4 ,a man who wishes to make some return for hospitality extended to him1 or to show a young woman particular attention1 asks her to go in to supper with him1 as he would a few years ago have engaged her for the ,german4 ,hence it is very desirable for a girl to have this part of the programme arranged in good season4 ,if she has no partner when the supper-hour arrives1 she is in rather an awkward position1 especially if she has no chaperon4 ,the man with whom she is talking at the moment will be obliged to excuse himself if he has previously arranged to take in some one else4 ,she should ask him to escort her to her chaperon1 if the latter is present1 or to the patronesses2 or she may retire to the dressing-room or go home4 ,occasionally one girl joins another who is provided with an escort1 but this is seldom advisable1 even if the two young women know each other well4 ,since 8,two are company but three are a crowd10 a girl does not wish to spoil her friend's pleasure by making an unwelcome third member of the party4 ,if the young lady has a supper-partner1 the question may be asked1 what becomes of her chaperon at a subscription dance8 ,the latter sometimes goes into the dining-room with one of the older men1 or she joins the patronesses4 ,these ladies are now quite independent1 and go in to supper with or without male escort1 as they find convenient1 since few of the husbands attend the dances4 ,the young people march in after the elders1 going in pairs1 but not arm-in-arm4 ,sometimes four or five couples arrange to have supper together1 and thus make a merry affair of it4 ,at a dance in a private house1 when the musicians play the march which indicates that all is in readiness in the dining-room1 the host leads the way thither with the eldest or the most distinguished lady present4 ,the other guests follow without formality4 ,the hostess makes sure that all have preceded her1 or1 if some of the ladies prefer to remain in the drawing-room1 she despatches a gentleman or one of the waiters to attend to their wants4 ,this in case the service is 8en buffet40 ,if little tables are provided for the guests1 then all should be seated thereat4 ,should the supper-room not be large enough to contain these comfortably1 the tables should be brought in and distributed about the drawing-rooms and halls4 ,with this arrangement a course supper is provided4 ,the buffet service is easier and calls for fewer waiters to serve the guests4 ,the large table1 decked with lights1 flowers1 and many good things to eat1 produces a brilliant effect4 ,as much space as possible is procured by setting all the chairs against the walls of the dining-room4 ,it must be confessed1 however1 that when the company is large there is often an unpleasant jam in the supper-room4 ,bouillon1 salads1 croquettes1 oysters1 sandwiches or rolls1 ices1 fancy cakes1 bonbons1 and coffee constitute the usual bill of fare1 to which other and more expensive dainties1 such as terrapin and birds1 are sometimes added4 ,for an informal dance the menu may be much simplified4 ,if wine is served1 it is usually champagne1 although less expensive and less 8heady0 beverages1 such as light ,rhine wines1 are sometimes substituted4 ,there should always be a punch-bowl filled with lemonade1 wine-cup1 or punch that is not too strong1 placed in the hall or elsewhere for the benefit of thirsty dancers4 ,on a formal occasion a servant ladles this out4 ,at an informal affair the guests help themselves4 ,at a large public function1 such as the ,charity ,ball in ,new ,york1 the floor committee make introductions if these are desired1 but the guests usually go with their own parties4 ,where the tickets cost five dollars apiece1 in addition to the price of the supper1 a certain degree of exclusiveness is attained1 although1 as we all know1 there are many persons who have plenty of money yet lack social culture and experience4 ,the opening of such an affair is quite imposing4 ,the officers of the ball enter in a grand march1 the patronesses coming first on the arms of the governors1 the remaining members of the committee following two by two1 all the men wearing badges4 ,where officers of the army and navy take part1 their uniforms add to the brilliancy of the general effect4 ,there is usually no reception of guests at such a function1 and no formal entrance to the supper-room4 ,the thoughtful man endeavors to have a table reserved for his party when a great many people are present4 ,all the large hotels in ,new ,york now have roof-gardens where there is dancing in the afternoon and evening4 ,many people go to these as lookers-on1 ordering a cup of tea1 ices1 and coffee or wine4 ,the price of admission in the daytime usually includes the cost of the tea4 ,at certain of the evening resorts the very objectionable custom exists of charging no entrance fee but demanding that guests shall purchase a bottle of champagne4 ,those who refuse to order wine and insist upon having a milder beverage are furnished with coffee at the price of one dollar for each cup4 ,careful people do not patronize places of this sort unless they look in for a short time as a matter of curiosity4 ,if they wish to dance1 they go to hotels of established reputation1 usually in parties of four or six4 ,they can thus have a good time together and be entirely independent of the rest of the company4 8,dinner dances0 may be given either at the residence of the hostess or at assembly-rooms1 as is most convenient4 ,an entertainment at a private house brings with it an atmosphere of hospitality which is lacking in a hotel ballroom4 ,hence1 if the affair is not on so large a scale as to overcrowd her rooms and if these have good hard-wood floors1 the hostess will probably decide to use her own house4 ,if a large number of persons are to be invited1 it will be necessary to engage the requisite space at a good hotel4 ,the hostess sends out two sets of invitations2 those for the dinner are in her own name1 and that of her husband also1 with the words 8,dancing at eleven0 or 8ten10 as the case may demand1 in the lower left-hand corner4 ,the invitations for the dance are in the name of the hostess alone4 ,they may be in the 8,at ,home0 or 8,requests the pleasure0 form4 ,the hour for the second part of the entertainment must be late enough to insure the termination of the dinner before the arrival of those invited for the dancing only4 ,great pains must be taken to have the floors in first-class condition1 polished sufficiently1 yet not made too slippery4 ,for a small dinner dance at a private house1 the supper should be a simple affair1 served 8en buffet40 ,the combination 8dinner dance0 affords a pleasant way of dividing the evening's hospitality so that no hostess need be unduly burdened4 ,several friends arrange to give dinners on the same evening1 one of the circle undertaking to have a dance at her house1 or at an assembly-room if she prefers4 ,in either case she assumes the expense of the occasion2 she furnishes the supper1 engages the musicians1 and the hall also1 if the affair takes place there4 ,the guests 8go on0 in automobiles or omnibuses from the various houses where they have been entertained1 meeting at the dwelling of the latest hostess1 or at the assembly-room1 at ten or eleven o'clock4 ,the dancing usually lasts till one or two o'clock4 ,for a ball1 women wear their handsomest clothes1 and married ladies adorn themselves with a profusion of jewels4 ,all appear in dcollet gowns made with short sleeves and more or less train1 according to the fashion of the moment4 ,in ,america many elderly ladies claim exemption from this fashion1 thinking the costume inappropriate to persons of their years4 ,here1 at least1 we are certainly more sensible than our ,english sisters1 who make a sort of fetish of the low-necked gown4 ,while some ,american women carry this style to an immodest extreme1 the majority are too wise to do so4 ,ball dresses for married ladies are made of rich and expensive materials--silks1 satins1 brocades--trimmed with beautiful laces or combined with chiffon or other gauzy stuffs4 ,while a great deal of jewelry is worn1 it is well to have a certain unity of effect4 ,the woman who puts on a great variety of jewels combined in a tasteless way may produce a strong impression upon the beholder1 but it will not be an agreeable one4 ,for young girls1 dcollet gowns of diaphanous material1 either white or of a delicate tint1 are the most appropriate and becoming4 ,they should wear little jewelry1 simplicity being the keynote of their costume4 ,diamonds and rich laces are not suitable for a dbutante4 ,men wear the regulation evening dress1 black swallow-tail coat with trousers to match1 low-cut white waistcoat1 white dress-shirt1 patent-leather shoes or pumps1 black socks1 white lawn tie1 and white or light gloves4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,ix ,,automobile ,,trips ,the ,automobilist as ,host--,provision for ,comfort of ,guests--,duties of ,guest--,dress and ,luggage--,automobile ,picnics--,entertainment of ,chauffeur--,when a ,visit ,becomes a ,visitation4 ,,the owner of an automobile is able to entertain his friends in a pleasant way with comparatively little trouble4 ,he can take them out for a spin without interfering with the machinery of the household or giving extra work to the servants4 ,almost every one enjoys motoring in warm weather1 and it is easy to stop for luncheon at a country club or an inn or to have a picnic by the wayside1 should the owner of the car wish to show more than mere 8carriage hospitality40 ,the trip may be short or long1 as he pleases1 and as he thinks will be agreeable to his guests4 ,if these are persons who are not young1 or who are unaccustomed to motoring1 he must be careful not to take them too far nor too fast4 ,the fatigue of going a long distance at a rapid rate is a severe tax on the uninitiated4 ,it is well to have the excursion include some object of interest1 such as a beautiful piece of scenery or fine buildings4 ,during the great heat1 motoring for its own sake is found very refreshing1 simply because the rapidity of the motion makes every one feel cool4 ,in winter few people care to go out for pleasure trips1 but many persons continue to use their cars as a quick and convenient way of getting about1 when the snow and mud are not too bad4 ,it is a kind attention to lend a friend one's automobile for a shopping tour or for paying visits4 ,she should not detain it a moment after the hour named for its return4 ,if none has been mentioned1 she may be able to find out from the chauffeur how much time the trip is expected to occupy1 or calculate it herself1 remembering that one should not overtax the generosity of a friend4 ,having decided upon the hour when the car should return1 it is well to say to the chauffeur1 8,please let me know when it is time to turn back40 ,one should in any event use the car only for a moderate distance1 since every mile traversed costs a certain sum4 ,the automobilist who has invited one or more ladies to go out with him stops for them in his car4 ,arrived at their dwelling1 he asks to have them informed that the car is there1 and waits for them in the reception or drawing-room4 ,he assists his guests to enter the car1 and wraps the robe carefully around them1 tucking it in at the sides4 ,in winter1 plenty of fur or heavy woolen robes should be provided4 ,in summer lighter ones will suffice1 with linen covers to protect the dresses from the dust4 ,for an open car1 it is well to have several pairs of goggles of different kinds on hand1 and to offer these to the guests if a long trip is contemplated or if the roads are dusty4 ,the host asks whether the ladies would like the windows open or closed1 and the wind-shield up or down4 ,in the course of the trip he repeats these inquiries1 especially if there is a strong breeze blowing1 or if a change occurs in the weather4 ,having made sure that his guests are comfortably settled1 he climbs in and takes his place4 ,while the tonneau1 or main body of the automobile1 is held to be the place of honor1 because it is less exposed than the front seats1 the latter are really more comfortable in many cars because the motion is less felt there4 ,hence if the host is driving himself1 he will ask whether any of his guests would like to sit beside him4 ,some young lady will probably prefer to do so1 unless he is a very tiresome person4 ,a good driver does not go too fast1 and proceeds with caution over the rough places1 in order not to shake up the occupants of the car4 ,the host decides in what direction the trip shall be1 although he may very properly ask whether his guests would like to go there4 ,if requested to do so1 the latter are at liberty to express their choice4 ,a courteous person does not insist1 however1 on being taken in any special direction4 ,where the proposed trip is a long one1 and the guest has a later engagement1 he should say frankly3 8,i should enjoy very much going to ----1 but ,i fear there will not be time1 as ,i have promised to be down-town at five o'clock40 ,if the excursion is to be an all-day or overnight affair1 it is usually arranged beforehand4 ,when the owner of the car invites the party to go with him at his expense and makes this evident by saying explicitly1 8,i want you all to be my guests for the trip10 he pays the hotel bill and all other costs4 ,he acts as host just as he would in his own house1 ordering the meals and naming the hours when they shall be served4 ,he should inquire whether any of the party would like to have breakfast served in their own rooms4 ,he plans the whole trip and lays out the course to be traversed each day4 ,there are some circumstances1 however1 under which the automobilist may very properly offer only a limited hospitality to his guests4 ,thus1 it may happen that a number of friends all wish to go to see a football game or other athletic contest in a neighboring town4 ,if one of the number then offers to take them there in his car1 it is understood of course that his hospitality extends only to the means of transportation4 ,all procure their tickets beforehand1 and the expense of the entertainment at the hotel is divided among them4 ,when one is doubtful on which plan the trip is to be conducted1 one should by all means endeavor to pay one's share4 ,it is best in a case of this sort for a single individual to speak for the rest4 ,he can say when the time comes for payment1 8,you must let us know1 ,john1 what our share of the hotel bill is40 ,or it could be proposed beforehand that one of the number should act as treasurer4 ,this is an ungrateful office to fill1 since some one is apt to forget to pay1 and dunning friends is an unpleasant task4 ,the man selected should not be the host1 who may be thought to have done his share4 ,he should1 however1 be the richest man of the party2 first1 because it will be easier for him than for his poorer comrades to bear any loss should there be one2 second1 because in nine cases out of ten rich people care more about money than poor ones2 third1 because they are more accustomed to making financial arrangements4 ,hence the job of collecting is less difficult for them4 ,a guest should embark on a motor-trip with the intention of having a good time and enjoying all that there is to be enjoyed4 ,he should be prepared to take any delay or mishap with cheerful philosophy4 ,a man or a woman who possesses the true spirit of sport will not sulk or complain if the tire bursts or the engine for some mysterious reason refuses to work4 ,all complicated machinery is liable to accident1 and if one enjoys all the advantages of very rapid motion1 one must expect from time to time to experience the drawbacks4 ,neither should one take it in dudgeon if rain comes on4 ,the host cannot be expected to insure good weather4 ,a guest sitting in the rear must not talk to the driver4 ,the latter must constantly watch the road1 and cannot turn his head to speak to any one behind him without risk of accident4 ,the automobile practically annihilates distance1 thus greatly increasing the number of places which can be readily reached from any given spot4 ,a picnic to which the company go in motor-cars may be ten1 twenty1 or more miles away4 ,if many people are to take part in it1 the site must be selected with great care4 ,when half a dozen friends go off for a frolic1 it does not so much matter what sort of place they choose1 because if it does not come up to their expectations they can eat their luncheon without leaving the car4 ,for a larger number all the arrangements should be carefully made in advance4 ,a committee of one or more should visit the chosen spot beforehand1 and get the owner's permission to hold the picnic there4 ,it is very sad for a party of friends on pleasure bent to be warned off the grounds just as they have their whole luncheon unpacked and spread out on the grass4 ,yet this frequently happens at places in the neighborhood of summer resorts4 ,the city visitor1 misled by the uncultivated aspect of some beautiful spot1 fails to realize that it is private property1 and that the owners may find it extremely inconvenient to have their premises constantly invaded and their privacy destroyed4 ,some owners are willing to allow picknickers to come to their places1 provided permission is obtained beforehand1 the dbris removed1 and no damage done to the trees and shrubs4 ,the vandalism of certain summer visitors is hardly believable4 ,they will calmly leave the unsightly and unwholesome remains of their repast lying about to offend the eyes and nostrils of later comers and to breed flies4 ,farmers and others sometimes make a regular charge for letting their grounds for the day4 ,our committee of one should choose a spot where the grass is not too long1 and should find out whether there is any danger of an incursion by cattle4 ,it is very desirable to select a place near shade-trees4 ,luncheon-baskets furnished with knives1 forks1 etc41 can now be readily purchased4 ,cold water1 fruit-punch1 or lemonade and hot coffee may be conveniently transported in ,thermos bottles4 ,some people carry chafing-dishes and prepare scrambled eggs1 mushrooms1 or ,welsh rarebit on the spot4 ,it is usual to have every one contribute some article to the bill of fare at a picnic4 ,in order that there shall not be a surplus of one article and a shortage of another1 the persons or committee who get up the affair should arrange with each individual or party what they shall bring4 ,if there are tables at the appointed rendezvous1 cold ham1 chickens1 etc41 may be brought whole4 ,if the cloth is to be spread upon the grass1 the carving should all be done beforehand4 ,the idea of a picnic is that it shall be a more or less unceremonious occasion1 yet care must be taken that informality does not degenerate into slovenly disorder4 ,the food should all be done up neatly and daintily1 napkins of paper1 if not of linen1 should be provided1 also knives and forks and spoons where these will be needed4 ,the best results are secured by deputing two or more persons to arrange the table1 instead of intrusting this task to the whole company4 ,when the feast is ready the gentlemen pass the dishes to the ladies1 but it is a part of the fun to have the latter assist in the work4 ,if there are older people present1 they are asked to sit still and be waited upon4 ,at formal picnics the table is arranged and the food set out by servants4 ,impromptu vaudeville1 charades1 tableaux1 or songs with guitar accompaniment make a pleasant ending to the affair1 where time permits4 ,dancing has always been popular on these occasions4 ,they are often held at some place of resort which boasts a hall or open-air platform for the dancers4 ,in dressing for a trip in a motor-car1 a woman should wear a small1 close-fitting hat or an automobile bonnet4 ,this and the large veil covering it should be securely fastened down1 so that there will be no danger of their blowing away4 ,all superfluous ribbons and streamers should be avoided for the same reason4 ,a dust-cloak of linen or pongee is a great protection in summer4 ,as such a garment affords little warmth1 the tourist should provide herself with a cloth coat also4 ,men wear small caps and dusters or light overcoats4 ,since there is little room for luggage on a car1 a guest who is invited to go for a tour should take as little as possible1 packing it in a suit-case or bag1 or small automobile trunk1 if she has received permission to carry one4 ,since motoring is extremely dusty business1 it is well to take a change of costume to wear in the evening1 if this is to be spent at an inn4 ,foulards and ,india silks are excellent for this purpose1 as they weigh so little and are not easily creased or tumbled4 ,if one has not space for an entire gown1 a dressy waist should be carried4 ,the craze for motoring has developed many wayside inns scattered along the routes most frequented by tourists4 ,some of these are ancient hostelries1 or reproductions of the same1 charmingly furnished in ye olden style4 ,here travelers by automobile stop for lunch1 afternoon tea1 or dinner1 or to spend the night4 ,as inn-keepers sometimes charge the owners of motor-cars extortionate prices1 those who wish to avoid great expense should carry lunch-baskets with them4 ,they can then arrange an impromptu picnic by the wayside and so be independent of landlords1 should the latter be unreasonable in their charges4 ,indeed1 many people consider these wayside lunches part of the fun of a motor-trip4 ,they start off for a tour of several days1 equipped with a large basket containing plenty of provisions4 ,some picturesque spot is chosen for the daily picnic1 the basket being replenished at shops or hotels en route1 should this be necessary4 ,people who wish to go on a motor-trip in ,europe now find it better to take over their own car and chauffeur1 rather than to hire these on the other side of the water4 ,it is necessary1 however1 to procure a permit allowing the party to cross from one country into another4 ,otherwise the traveler is subject to vexatious delays at the frontiers4 ,the owner of a car must always remember that the chauffeur1 like the passengers1 requires food at regular intervals4 ,sometimes an allowance is made to him and he gets his meals where he likes2 sometimes his employer arranges for his entertainment4 ,as he is usually of a better class than the ordinary domestic1 he is not willing to eat with the servants4 ,he prefers to take his meals after his employer1 but at the same table4 ,if the latter is visiting at an expensive inn1 and there are cheaper ones of a suitable character in the neighborhood1 he may request his chauffeur to dine or spend the night at one of these1 furnishing him with the money4 ,instead of staying at an inn1 the automobilist sometimes makes a visit to friends in the country4 ,where this is by invitation1 the host entertains the chauffeur1 or arranges to have him cared for in the neighborhood4 ,as the touring party probably consists of two or three people in addition1 such a visit1 if prolonged1 may readily become a tax on the hospitality of the host4 ,hence the stay should be limited to one or two nights1 else it may become a 8visitation40 ,if a party of motorists stop to lunch or spend the night at a friend's house without previous invitation1 they should endeavor to provide for the entertainment of their chauffeur elsewhere1 since it would hardly be courteous to put this additional strain on the hospitality of their host4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,x ,,bridge ,,parties ,,and ,,evening ,,receptions ,arrangement of the ,card-tables--,playing for ,prizes--,good and ,bad ,manners at the ,card-table--,why ,certain ,people are not ,asked--,duties of ,hostess--,card ,parties for ,charity--,dress and ,etiquette of ,evening ,receptions4 ,,the extreme popularity of bridge has somewhat lessened since the tango craze invaded society4 ,card-playing still has many devotees1 however1 and is likely to have them in the future1 as in the past4 ,when not carried on too strenuously1 it affords a mild and gentle form of amusement that is especially valuable to elderly persons1 or to younger ones of quiet tastes4 ,for a bridge party1 card-tables and light chairs can be hired from furniture stores or caterers4 ,ordinary tables may be used1 provided they are large enough to seat four persons comfortably1 and not so large as to make it difficult to reach across them to gather up the tricks4 ,it is now thought well to cover them with a cloth1 although our grandparents used the bare mahogany1 if we may judge by the tables that have come down to us4 ,hostesses who often give card parties will find it convenient to buy several tables4 ,these may be covered with green baize or enamel cloth1 or upholstered in silk or damask to match the room4 ,in the latter case one should have white linen slips that can be taken off and washed every time they are used4 ,small1 light chairs are preferred to heavy ones1 and they must be of the right height4 ,the hostess should measure her rooms beforehand1 to see how many people she can accommodate comfortably4 ,space must be left to pass between the tables1 and these must not be placed too near steam-pipes or draughty windows4 ,the drawing-rooms should be well ventilated before the guests arrive1 yet not quite so cool as they would be for a dance4 ,should they become close in the course of the evening1 the hostess should be careful not to open a window without warning those in the vicinity that she is about to do so1 and so give them an opportunity of changing their seats4 ,in a house furnished with electric lights1 it is easy to have the rooms well lighted yet not overheated4 ,where it is necessary to use lamps or candles1 their arrangement will require some care4 ,they must be near enough the players to enable them to see1 yet never set on the card-table itself4 ,it is dangerous to place them on stands so small and light that they are liable to be upset4 ,all the paraphernalia used in the game1 the playing-cards1 scoring tablets or cards1 counters1 etc41 must be fresh and in good condition4 ,a pencil that refuses to write furnishes one of the peculiarly exasperating1 though small1 miseries of life4 ,if many people are invited1 new cards should be provided4 ,for progressive euchre there must be punches and score-cards4 ,the hostess asks some one to do the punching1 or attends to it herself4 ,at a large party she does not play unless it is necessary to fill an empty place4 ,some persons think it no harm to play for money1 provided the stakes are very small4 ,the habit of gambling1 which was introduced into society in this country not many years ago1 has resulted in such scandals and so much evil that the wisest and safest way is to avoid it altogether4 ,even where there is playing for money1 a hostess must provide one or more tables for those guests who object to it on principle4 ,good form and common sense alike demand this4 ,many people become so excited by the desire to win the prize or stakes of the evening that they treat one another with scanty politeness1 and the unfortunate player who makes a mistake is often roundly scolded for her carelessness4 ,during the card mania which prevailed at ,newport a year or two ago1 it was said that many people did not speak as they passed by1 owing to quarrels over bridge4 ,to give prizes that are very handsome and expensive is not considered to be in the best taste4 ,the hostess should take pains to secure articles that are pretty and attractive1 but not of great money value4 ,it is also thought best not to show them until the playing is over4 ,some people find it interesting to play nominally1 but not actually1 for money4 ,a gentleman who took part in a series of games while crossing the ,atlantic was relieved when the voyage was over to find that the ladies of the party construed all the financial obligations in a purely ,pickwickian sense4 ,the score was made out1 but no payments were permitted4 ,it need scarcely be said that a real debt at the gaming-table is held to be one of honor1 for the simple reason that there is no legal obligation to pay it4 ,to induce a young man or woman to play1 and perhaps lose a large sum of money1 may be thought a greater offense against honor4 ,good form demands that all who take part in a game of cards shall pay strict attention to it and follow the rules4 ,not every one can win1 but all should do their best4 ,it is extremely annoying to devotees of bridge to be interrupted by conversation while the hands are being played4 ,the great actress ,charlotte ,cushman once had her patience severely taxed by a gentleman who persisted in talking to her partner4 ,presently she said in her rich1 deep voice1 with great emphasis3 8,remember1 this is whist40 ,the effect was startling1 and the offender sinned no more1 at least on that occasion4 ,if a player does her best1 more cannot be expected of her4 ,to find fault with one's partner1 asking her in an injured tone why she did not return a certain lead1 or why she played that ace of hearts second hand1 is decidedly bad form4 ,we must always remember that among ladies and gentlemen card-playing should be considered as an amusement1 serious if you will1 but nevertheless a form of diversion and not a matter of business4 ,hence the well-bred woman loses neither her temper nor her philosophical spirit4 ,she may wish to win1 but her desire must not be so overwhelming as to make every one feel uncomfortable if she loses4 ,if she destroys the pleasure of her neighbors by sulking1 by snubbing or scolding her partner1 she has only herself to thank if she is not invited to card parties4 ,the habitual late-comer is also likely to be left out4 ,the person who arrives after every one has begun to play1 or who leaves before the games are over1 interferes seriously with the pleasure of others4 ,as we have said above1 the hostess does not play when many persons are present1 in order that she may be free to receive late-comers and to have a general supervision of the comfort and pleasure of her guests4 ,bridge parties may be arranged for the afternoon or evening1 or they may take place in connection with a luncheon or a dinner4 ,in either of the latter cases it suffices to have lemonade or some other cooling drink handed to the guests as they sit at the card-table4 ,some hostesses offer sandwiches also1 or give ices in the evening2 others serve tea in the afternoon4 ,where guests are invited to the card party only1 a light supper is served in the evening4 ,hostesses who expect to have bridge follow a dinner should either invite card-players only or else arrange for the entertainment of those who do not take part in the game4 ,it is rather forlorn for a single couple to be left out in the cold when the players retire to another room and shut the doors to avoid being disturbed4 ,the former1 having no one save their hosts to talk to1 soon take their leave4 ,card parties are often used as a means of raising money for a charity1 or for the work of a society4 ,these may be given at a hotel1 a woman's club-house1 or a private house4 ,in the case last mentioned1 the hostess throws open her rooms and provides the refreshments1 or a part of them1 as may be preferred4 ,the members of the society may each bring a cake or some sandwiches1 the lady of the house furnishing tea and chocolate4 ,it is usually arranged to have several ladies buy a table apiece for a certain sum of money4 ,if this is two dollars1 they sell the single seats to their friends for fifty cents each1 or invite the latter to come as their guests4 ,they bring their own outfit--cards1 score1 and the light1 collapsible tables that are easily carried2 or these may be sent beforehand to the house of the hostess4 ,occasionally an enterprising member of the society brings some of her own handiwork and offers it for sale1 thus netting an additional sum for the charitable enterprise4 ,evening receptions1 unless enlivened by some special attraction1 are less popular now than in the earlier and simpler society of the ,victorian era4 ,one of their obvious advantages is that men can attend them1 another is that they enable the hostess with limited space at her command to invite a number of guests who would overcrowd her rooms should she attempt to give a dance4 ,the evening reception is a favorite form of entertainment for introducing a distinguished guest to a circle of friends4 ,certain hostesses in ,new ,york still receive on one evening in the week1 and succeed in gathering in their drawing-rooms an interesting company of literary and artistic folk--people who know how to talk and who enjoy doing so4 ,a bride and groom may conveniently issue cards for one or more evening receptions when they are settled in their new home4 ,they thus make themselves known to new friends and renew acquaintance with old ones4 ,a reception in the evening is gayer than an affair in the daytime1 yet it need not necessarily be formal4 ,for a large and handsome function1 engraved invitations in the names of both husband and wife are issued1 the 8,at ,home0 form being ordinarily used4 ,if it is in honor of distinguished guests1 the phrase1 8,to meet ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- ----0 is added4 ,according to strict rule1 the 8,at ,home0 formula does not require an answer4 ,it is always polite1 however1 to send regrets if one is unable to attend the entertainment4 ,for one or more informal receptions1 the joint visiting-card of husband and wife may be used1 with the words 8,at ,home0 and the date written in1 the hours also 78#i to #aa0 in the city71 if desired4 ,the arrangements are the same as for any evening occasion4 ,the central part of the drawing-rooms is cleared of furniture1 and vases1 small stands1 or other articles liable to be knocked over are removed to some other part of the house4 ,if the occasion is a large and stately one1 potted plants or other floral decorations may adorn the rooms1 while an orchestra composed of a few stringed instruments discourses sweet sounds behind a leafy trellis4 ,a handsome supper is served in the dining-room during the greater part of the evening1 since guests are supposed to come and go rather than to stay through a reception4 ,it is in perfectly good form1 however1 to receive in a much more simple fashion1 in accordance with the customs of good society in continental ,europe4 ,it is not necessary to provide either music1 elaborate floral decorations1 or an expensive supper4 ,in ,italy1 where evening receptions are a favorite form of entertainment1 ladies of rank give their guests lemonade and biscuits1 or sponge-cake and wine1 or nothing at all6 ,at an occasion of this sort husband and wife usually receive together1 presenting all the company to the guest of honor1 who stands beside them4 ,at a formal affair the guests are usually announced by a man-servant4 ,he inquires their names and calls these out as they enter the drawing-room4 ,one does not leave cards at an evening reception4 ,all wear evening dress1 as described in ,chapter ,,vii4 ,ladies seldom wear hats1 however1 as they occasionally do at a public reception4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,xi ,,hotels1 ,,restaurants1 ,,and ,,roof-,,gardens ,how to ,entertain a ,guest at a ,hotel in the ,city and in the ,country--,etiquette for the ,guest in ,hotels and ,restaurants--,dress for ,morning1 ,afternoon1 and ,evening4 ,,in these days of apartment-houses1 the spare bedroom has been necessarily eliminated from many households4 ,this does not mean that hospitality to friends from a distance has ceased to exist1 but only that it must be practised in a different way4 ,if one has not sufficient space to make a guest comfortable in one's own dwelling1 one should arrange for her accommodation at a hotel4 ,the room must be engaged1 and if possible visited beforehand4 ,the hostess should see with her own eyes1 or with those of a trustworthy agent1 that the apartment is sufficiently large1 well lighted and heated4 ,a pleasant outlook is desirable anywhere1 but indispensable in the country4 ,a foreign gentleman of distinction attending a certain congress in the ,united ,states a year or two ago was quartered in a small1 stuffy1 inner room4 ,so great was his dissatisfaction that the president of the learned body was summoned4 ,fortunately1 the latter was of an ingenious turn of mind4 ,spying a fire-escape on the outside of the window1 he explained at some length to the foreigner the extreme desirability of the room--on account of the proximity of this important mode of exit4 ,the guest was entirely satisfied with the explanation1 and peace once more reigned among the philosophers4 ,if the host's means will permit1 he should engage for his friend a room with a bath4 ,he should also instruct the clerk at the desk to have the bill for room1 meals1 and service presented to him and not to the guest4 ,the latter will have no expense except fees to the servants4 ,these vary with the length of the stay and with the character of the hotel4 ,a woman is not expected to spend so much on tips as a man4 ,it is usually best for a transient guest to fee the waiter at each meal1 since another man will probably be in attendance at the next one4 ,the usual rule is to give ten per cent4 of the sum paid for lunch or dinner--ten cents being the minimum--except at a restaurant of humble pretensions1 where five will be gladly accepted by the waitress4 ,in addition to feeing the waiter1 a lady gives a small sum to the chambermaid--twenty-five cents for a stay of a day or two4 ,ten cents should be sufficient for the porter when he brings up a trunk1 and again when he takes it away4 ,the ubiquitous hall-boy strongly resembles the daughter of the horse-leech4 ,here again1 as in the case of the waiter1 the safest way seems to be to hand him ten cents1 ,i will not say whenever he appears1 but whenever he performs any service for the guest--such as escorting the latter to her room on her arrival1 or bringing a glass of ice-water4 ,women of frugal mind endeavor to call on these functionaries as little as they can1 because the cents readily mount into dollars4 ,the elevator-boy receives fewer tips than his peripatetic brother1 and need not be feed after a short stay4 ,it is always courteous to send exact information about trains to a person coming from a distance4 ,a man is usually able to take care of himself1 but for a woman it is not altogether pleasant to arrive alone in a strange place4 ,the hostess should meet her friend at the station1 or send some one else to do so and to bring her to the hotel4 ,here the hostess should show her guest where to register and see her comfortably established4 ,if unable to meet the traveler at the train1 the hostess should call soon afterward in order to welcome her guest and to see that the latter has everything that she needs4 ,where the friend from a distance has come for a special occasion1 such as a luncheon or a reception1 the hostess calls to take her to it and brings her back afterward1 or sends a carriage or car4 ,the hostess should invite the guest to a meal at her own house1 or if this is not possible she usually arranges to lunch or dine with her friend at the hotel4 ,when the time comes for departure1 she pays the hotel bill before her guest appears on the scene or after the latter has left1 escorts her to the train1 and sees her off4 ,if a lady comes on the invitation of a club1 the secretary or chairman of entertainment acts as hostess and fulfils all the duties named above1 except that it is not obligatory to invite the visitor to her house1 although it is always kind to do so4 ,there is often some member of the society living in the hotel who will invite the lecturer to take one or more meals at her table1 and will see in a general way after her comfort4 ,some speakers1 however1 prefer to remain alone1 finding it an extra fatigue to be entertained4 ,when a hostess invites a friend for a stay of several days or a week1 she endeavors to select a hotel in her own neighborhood4 ,she often arranges to have the latter take all meals at her house1 and plans for her amusement as she would for a visitor under her own roof4 ,should the distance1 or some other circumstance1 make it more convenient for the friend to use the hotel dining-room1 the hostess should call every morning1 or ring up on the telephone1 to inquire how the visitor is and make arrangements for the day's programme1 unless this has been agreed upon on the previous evening4 ,in the city1 a guest from out of town usually enjoys sight-seeing1 the theater1 opera1 and concerts4 ,a woman of serious tastes likes to go to lectures and meetings2 her more light-minded sister enjoys shopping4 ,in the country1 motoring1 boating1 bathing1 and the various athletic sports in their season offer a variety of attractions4 ,if one can arrange a number of social entertainments for a friend1 and have her asked out to lunch or dine at other houses as well as at that of the hostess1 this is paying her a special compliment4 ,the best way to entertain a party of friends at a restaurant is to engage the table and choose the bill of fare beforehand4 ,where the luncheon or supper is an impromptu affair1 this is not always possible4 ,the host may then consult his guests about the dishes1 or he may make out the menu and hand it to the waiter4 ,if the service is la carte1 it is rather awkward to pass the bill of fare to the guests1 since the prices will stare them in the face4 ,those who have delicacy of feeling will hesitate to order costly dishes at the expense of another person4 ,those who have no such scruples may make the bill too heavy for the purse of the host4 ,therefore the latter does well to keep the bill of fare in his own hands and give the order himself1 consulting his guests first1 if he pleases4 ,it is generally safer to avoid novel or very elaborate dishes1 unless one knows something about them4 ,they are less apt to be satisfactory1 and are liked by fewer people than the plain1 ordinary articles of food4 ,the party may go together to the restaurant1 after an evening at the theater for instance1 or they may meet there for dinner or luncheon4 ,if the affair takes place at a hotel1 the guests assemble in a public parlor4 ,where the host is a man1 a young woman should go under the charge of her mother or other chaperon4 ,it is bad form for a young girl to take any meal at a restaurant with a young man alone4 ,when a woman has reached the age of thirty and is still unmarried1 the strictness of this rule is slightly relaxed in her favor4 ,custom permits her to lunch or take afternoon tea with a young man who is her relative1 or a friend whom she knows well4 ,but she must neither dine nor sup with him4 ,at some restaurants ladies are not admitted after a certain hour without a male escort4 ,quiet1 middle-aged women wishing to dine at some establishment of good reputation in ,new ,york have been justly indignant when refused permission to do so4 ,the existence of this regulation shows us how careful young women must be about the places where they dine4 ,there are quiet restaurants connected with family hotels where they can get their dinner without exciting any remark4 ,at a ladies' lunch the hostess leads the way to the dining-room1 taking with her the oldest or the most distinguished woman present4 ,the entry is without formality1 as in the case of a luncheon in a private house4 ,at a dinner or supper the host goes in advance of his guests4 ,if the party consists of young people under the charge of a chaperon1 he asks her to sit at his right hand or opposite to him4 ,if it consists of married couples1 he requests the eldest or the most distinguished lady to take the place at his right4 ,a woman does not stay alone at a hotel unless she is no longer young1 or unless she is in some business which makes this necessary4 ,she should endeavor to choose a quiet hostelry1 and to so dress and act as to avoid attracting attention4 ,at some hotels1 ladies traveling without trunks are not received4 ,the clerk at the desk is usually a man of good judgment and experience4 ,he 8sizes up0 the persons asking for rooms1 and if they seem to him undesirable inmates for the hotel1 they will be informed that everything is engaged4 ,the feminine guest1 when traveling alone for the first time1 may feel some trepidation as she approaches a country inn or city hotel4 ,she will be reassured when she remembers that it is the business of the landlord to entertain strangers1 and that the living of every one in the establishment depends upon his giving good service to the traveling public4 ,in a city hotel1 there are hall-boys at every turn to show her just where to go4 ,she enters the hotel by the ladies' door1 if there is one1 and proceeds at once to the desk4 ,here she inquires about rooms and prices1 mentions how long her stay is likely to be1 and registers her name in the hotel book4 ,if she is a young woman1 she receives any gentleman that may call on her in the public parlor or reception-room1 and avoids being out late in the evening as much as possible4 ,while all guests have a right to complain of imperfections in service1 etc41 it is bad form to find fault constantly about trivial matters4 ,some persons fancy that behavior of this sort gives them an air of importance1 whereas in reality it shows that they are either selfish and querulous or lacking in experience4 ,the courteous traveler is a bit philosophical4 ,he knows that delays will sometimes occur and that every one cannot be waited upon first4 ,he will not allow himself to be imposed upon without making a remonstrance1 but he will not continually assert his rights4 ,a lady traveling alone needs to be especially careful about the manner in which she makes complaints at a hotel4 ,to hear a woman scold is unpleasant even in the family circle1 but in a public place it is lamentable4 ,there voice and temper alike must be kept under strict control4 ,young girls do not1 of course1 stay at a hotel in the city or country unless accompanied by mother or chaperon4 ,at summer resorts they are sometimes thoughtless about loud talk and laughter in the corridors and lobbies of a hotel1 and about sitting on the veranda in the company of an agreeable youth until an unduly late hour4 ,they are so carried away by their high spirits1 and are having such a delightful time1 that they forget how censorious the world is4 ,they forget that in a public place it is necessary to be quieter and more reserved in manner than in a private house1 and thus show that one understands and respects the laws of good-breeding4 ,when staying at a hotel1 one should be dressed well but not in a conspicuous way4 ,ladies may wear their hats or not1 as they find convenient4 ,thus1 if one were going out immediately after breakfast1 one would come down in a simply made street costume4 ,matines and tea-gowns are very charming in the privacy of home1 but their informality makes them inappropriate at a hotel4 ,in summer1 pretty tub dresses1 which please the beholder by their freshness and simplicity1 are especially becoming to young women4 ,older ladies wear gowns of the same material made in a style suitable to their years1 or appear in foulards1 voiles1 or other thin stuffs4 ,elaborate costumes are not appropriate for the morning4 ,in winter a lady may come down to breakfast at a hotel in a morning dress made all in one piece1 or in a skirt of woolen stuff with waist of silk1 chiffon1 or other thin material either white or of the same color as the skirt4 ,for the afternoon a lady may retain her street suit1 or she may put on a handsomer one4 ,if she is not going out she may prefer to wear a house dress of more expensive material1 and made in a more elaborate style1 than would be suitable in the morning4 ,according to the present fashion1 such a gown would be cut down at the throat1 with half-length sleeves4 ,whether the sojourner at a hotel changes or does not change her gown in the afternoon1 she should do so for late dinner1 since morning costume would not then be appropriate4 ,as we have already seen1 a variety of dress is permissible at these public places of entertainment1 because guests are arriving1 departing1 or going out for engagements of all sorts4 ,the general rule1 however1 to which there are some exceptions1 prescribes evening dress for the evening4 ,at large and fashionable hotels in ,new ,york1 many of the women wear dcollet gowns4 ,a lady invited to a dinner party at one of these places would dress as she would at a private house4 ,in smaller cities1 and at quieter hotels1 low-necked dresses are not so often seen4 ,if a lady intends to take an evening train she may1 if she pleases1 appear at dinner in traveling hat and dress4 ,if she is going to the theater1 opera-house1 or concert-hall1 she will wear the kind of costume described in ,chapter ,,xii4 ,correspondents sometimes ask what the proper dress is for ,sunday evening at a hotel4 ,opinions on this subject vary in accordance with people's religious views or inherited traditions4 ,while the old-fashioned strict observance of the ,sabbath has been much relaxed both in ,england and in ,america1 the ,puritan view of the day still strongly influences the manners and customs of the country at large4 ,those who hold to it prefer to dress quietly and to eschew low-necked gowns on ,sunday evening4 ,they appear in costumes suitable to wear at church1 even if they have no intention of going there4 ,there are many other people1 especially in a cosmopolitan city like ,new ,york1 who hold no such view of the observance of ,sunday1 and dress then as they would on any other day of the week4 ,ladies always retain their hats in the daytime at a restaurant or roof-garden4 ,they remove their gloves on sitting down to table1 and throw back or take off their outer wraps4 ,it is usually possible to check these1 but many people object to the delay involved4 ,women of good taste prefer to dress quietly if they attend a dancing-tea at one of these places1 and thus avoid attracting special attention4 ,at certain restaurants an effort is made to compel all guests to wear evening dress4 ,this is merely copying an ,english fashion ill-suited to a democratic country4 ,at the ,hotel ,savoy in ,london they enforce such a rule4 ,an ,american lady who had reached the half-century limit1 and did not care to appear in public in a low-necked dress1 went not long ago to the restaurant there with a party of young friends4 ,she wore a new and expensive ,paris dress and her handsomest jewels4 ,the young people were all in evening dress1 but because the chaperon did not have on a dcollet gown they were refused admission to the restaurant1 and were obliged to content themselves with dining in the grill-room6 ,at the best hotels in ,new ,york1 such as ,delmonico's1 the ,astor1 and the ,plaza1 ladies may wear costumes with hats or full evening dress1 as they find most convenient4 ,for afternoon dances at hotels and roof-gardens1 men usually come in business suits4 ,after six o'clock evening dress is the proper costume4 ,the dinner-jacket1 or informal evening dress1 as it may be called1 is often worn for dancing at roof-gardens1 because it is more comfortable than the long-tailed dress-coat4 ,it is also used for unceremonious occasions at hotels and restaurants1 as it would be elsewhere 7see ,chapters ,,iv and ,,xii74 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,,xii ,,theater1 ,,opera1 ,,and ,,concert-,,hall ,arrangements for ,formal and ,informal ,theater ,parties--,the ,supper--,the ,bachelor and ,his ,duties as ,host and as ,guest--,dress and ,behavior at the ,theater1 ,opera1 and ,concert-hall4 ,,an informal theater party may be an impromptu affair got up at short notice4 ,it may either be a ,dutch treat1 where every one pays for himself1 or one or more persons may act as hosts and invite the others to go at their expense4 ,if a gentleman and his wife ask another lady to accompany them1 they should either call for her or invite her to dine with them4 ,at the conclusion of the performance they should take her home1 or the husband alone could do so4 ,it is not necessary to have a carriage if the street-cars are near at hand4 ,if two ladies living in the same house are invited1 the tickets may be sent to them1 asking them to meet their hosts at the theater4 ,unless they are very young women1 it will be proper for them to go together1 whereas for a lady alone it would not be quite pleasant to do so4 ,when the concert or play is over1 the host will see them to their carriage or to the street-car4 ,if the hour is late1 he will offer to escort them home4 ,if they assure him that they are not afraid to go alone1 he will not insist upon doing so1 unless he believes this necessary for their protection4 ,two young and pretty women are liable to annoyance from rude passers-by at a late hour in the evening4 ,if a man wishes to take a young lady to the theater he must invite her mother or other chaperon to be of the party4 ,this is a safe and excellent rule to follow1 and few exceptions should be made to it4 ,in the case of cousins or old friends it is sometimes broken1 especially if the lady is not in her first youth4 ,but young women should remember that1 as the world is very censorious1 one who broke this rule often would be the subject of unfavorable comment4 ,a girl may1 of course1 go to the theater with her brother4 ,the gentleman may invite a married lady to matronize the party1 or he may ask the girl to choose her own chaperon4 ,he calls for both his guests2 first for the matron1 then for the young lady4 ,at the close of the performance he escorts them both to their houses1 leaving the younger woman first at her residence1 and then the elder one at hers4 ,where the chaperon has been provided by the girl1 the man may1 if he prefers1 send them the tickets and meet them at the theater or concert-hall1 waiting for them in the lobby4 ,he would certainly offer at least to escort them home1 unless they were going in a carriage4 ,in this case he would content himself with asking the man at the door to call it1 or going to find it himself1 should this be necessary1 and putting them safely into their own conveyance4 ,he should endeavor to find a sheltered place for them to stand pending the arrival of the vehicle1 and keep a sharp lookout himself lest the carriage lose its place in the line and so make the ladies wait for an undue length of time4 ,for a large and formal theater party1 it is usual to invite the guests to dinner1 or to supper after the play or opera4 ,in either case they assemble at the house of the hostess1 who provides an omnibus1 automobile1 or other conveyance to take them to and from the playhouse4 ,she must name an hour early enough to enable the party to reach the opera-house or theater in good season4 ,if she asks her friends to dine with her1 she should for the same reason avoid a long bill of fare4 ,the guests should be careful to come punctually4 ,should any of them be detained1 they should telephone and ask the hostess not to wait for them4 ,to fail to keep an engagement for dinner is considered one of the gravest social sins4 ,how much worse it is to spoil a theater party in addition by remaining away after promising to come6 ,the affair is more likely to go off well if the hostess introduces those guests who do not already know one another4 ,wholesale introductions are now thought awkward and undesirable2 hence it is better to make the presentations gradually1 one or two at a time4 ,those who are to sit next each other should certainly be introduced4 ,it is well to plan beforehand the seating of the guests4 ,if the hostess has a party of young people and is quite at a loss as to their preferences1 she may like to consult one of them beforehand on this important matter4 ,to each man should be handed two tickets4 ,these may be inclosed in an envelope1 with a card bearing the name of the lady who is to sit next him at the theater4 ,she also receives an envelope containing the name of her theater partner4 ,this arrangement is convenient where many people go together4 ,if the party were to sit in a private box it would be unnecessary4 ,there the ladies sit in front1 the gentlemen behind4 ,the older women are offered the best seats1 but usually prefer to let the younger ones take the places where they can see and be seen4 ,at the close of the performance the theater-carriage conveys all to their homes1 leaving the women guests first1 the hostess next1 the men last of all1 although the latter often choose to walk4 ,if there is to be a supper1 it may be either at the house of the hostess or at a restaurant of unblemished reputation4 ,the meal may be simple or elaborate4 ,a course supper is very much like a dinner or luncheon1 except that it is less formal and the bill of fare is lighter and daintier4 ,few people care to eat a heavy meal late in the evening4 ,raw oysters or ,little ,neck clams1 bouillon in cups1 an entre of some sort1 salad with or without game1 ices1 fruit1 bonbons1 and black coffee may be served in the order named by those who care for a full menu4 ,for a theater party it is not necessary to offer such an elaborate bill of fare4 ,oysters1 cold chicken with salad1 and ices are quite enough for the hostess to provide4 ,a chafing-dish supper produces much fun and jollity among young people1 or among those who know one another well4 ,it is not to be recommended for all sorts and conditions of men1 however4 ,an informal meal of this sort would jar upon the taste of those persons who like to have everything done according to conventional methods and in a stereotyped fashion4 ,the chafing-dish sets and stands now furnish every convenience for preparing readily one or more hot dishes4 ,welsh rarebit1 oysters1 lobster1 eggs1 and mushrooms are all excellent cooked in this way1 to say nothing of the more complicated dishes which require an expert to handle successfully4 ,where the supper is given at the house of the hostess1 their maids call for the young ladies there1 and it is not necessary for her to send them home4 ,if a bachelor wishes to give a theater party1 and to invite young women to be his guests1 he must engage some married lady of good social position and of a certain age to act as chaperon4 ,a young married woman is sometimes as full of fun and high spirits as a girl4 ,no one objects to her natural gaiety if she keeps it within due bounds4 ,but it is not considered quite the thing for a woman of this sort to matronize young girls4 ,a chaperon should have the dignity which years and experience bestow1 though she need not be dull and stupid4 ,the guests all meet at the residence of this lady1 the bachelor host arriving a little earlier than the rest in order to receive his friends1 to introduce them to the chaperon1 and to make such other introductions as the occasion demands4 ,people of moderate means go to the theater in the street-cars if the evening is pleasant4 ,the more elegant method is to provide a theater-carriage2 but not every bachelor can afford so much expense as this would involve4 ,he should1 however1 pay his guests' fare1 and for this purpose it is well to buy car tickets beforehand4 ,otherwise another man of the party may reach the ticket-booth first and purchase them before the host has an opportunity to do so4 ,at the theater or concert-hall the ladies are permitted to pass through the wicket first1 the host standing on one side and showing the tickets4 ,he precedes the rest of the party going down the aisle to the seats1 in order to point out to all where they are to sit4 ,it may be arranged to have the chaperon go in first and take the innermost seat1 or she may be placed next the host1 who sits nearest the aisle4 ,our bachelor may take the party to a restaurant for supper1 to his club if this possesses a dining-room for ladies1 or to his own apartment or studio1 should this be large enough and conveniently located4 ,in either of the first two cases the table should be engaged and the menu made out beforehand4 ,if supper is to be given in his own rooms1 he should have one or more competent persons to set the table1 do any cooking that may be necessary1 and have all in readiness on the arrival of the party4 ,there should also be one or more servants to wait on the table1 unless the affair is an extremely informal one4 ,the host leads the way to the dining-room1 all following without ceremony4 ,the chaperon sits at his right1 or on the opposite side of the table4 ,when supper is over he may escort her1 together with the young women1 to her house1 or the theater-carriage may leave them at their houses1 provided the matron of the occasion is of the party and remains with it until all the young girls have been taken to their respective residences4 ,the host gets out first1 assists each of his fair guests in turn to alight1 opens the door for her with the latch-key or rings the bell1 and does not leave her until she has been admitted to the house4 ,where the theater party is given by a lady1 the gentleman sitting nearest the door of the conveyance performs this service1 unless there is a footman in attendance4 ,evening dress is the proper costume for men at all performances at the opera1 theater1 and concert-hall that take place in the evening4 ,this is de rigueur for a theater party1 and at the grand opera under all circumstances4 ,for ,english opera and informal excursions to the theater1 the dinner-jacket is often worn4 ,indeed1 our countrymen are very independent in these matters and claim the right to dress as they please4 ,in ,europe the rules are stricter4 ,a gentleman of my acquaintance once went to the opera in ,paris1 in the days of the old rgime1 wearing an ordinary black coat4 ,he was refused admission on the ground that evening dress was necessary4 ,being a ,yankee of an ingenious turn of mind1 he went out1 procured a paper of pins1 fastened up the offending coat-tails into the required shape1 and again presented himself at the opera-house4 ,the authorities1 arguing doubtless that he had fulfilled the letter of the law1 admitted him1 so admirable is the logic of the ,frenchman6 ,the proper costume for women at the theater and opera is evening dress4 ,at the grand opera in ,new ,york and other large cities1 many ladies wear dcollet gowns1 together with a great deal of jewelry1 although1 as we have said elsewhere1 this is by no means a universal custom4 ,all who sit either in the boxes or in the orchestra seats appear in handsome toilettes and wear long white or black kid gloves4 ,a long evening wrap made of silk1 satin1 or other expensive material forms an important part of opera costume4 ,one sees only a sprinkling of low-necked gowns at the theater1 ,american ladies usually preferring to appear there in dresses either high-necked or only slightly cut down4 ,many wear a pretty1 light-colored1 dressy waist with a dark skirt1 since the latter shows little1 unless one is sitting in a private box4 ,for a concert the costume is the same as for the theater4 ,something will depend on the season of the year1 the nature of the occasion1 and the locality4 ,for a special performance1 with high-priced tickets1 the costumes would be more elaborate than for one with an ordinary programme4 ,good form demands that we should always be mindful of the rights1 comfort1 and pleasure of other people when we attend a theatrical or a musical performance4 ,the persons composing the audience have paid for their seats1 in the great majority of cases at least1 and it is extremely ill-bred to interfere with their pleasure by talking or laughing4 ,the men and women who fancy that it is smart to do so show themselves lacking in true politeness4 ,one should endeavor to be punctual1 in order not to disturb one's neighbors after the curtain has gone up or the music has begun4 ,some one has to come last1 of course1 and the earlier arrivals should stand up and allow the seats of their chairs to fold back in order to allow people to pass by them with as little discomfort as possible4 ,a man sitting next the aisle should step into it when a lady is about to pass in4 ,it is courteous but not obligatory for the latter to do the same thing4 ,those who arrive after the performance has begun should remove their wraps before they go to their seats1 in order not to obscure their neighbor's view of the stage while they are doing so4 ,they must also be careful not to disturb the latter by rising or bustling about toward the end of the play4 ,the going in and out between the acts is rather trying to those who are obliged to rise constantly in order to let others pass by4 ,hence1 unless one has an aisle seat1 it is best to go out only once in the course of the evening4 ,where a large number of the audience do so1 as at the opera1 the case is different4 ,the walking up and down the foyer and the corridors1 the consuming of ices and lemonade1 are often a part of the regular programme4 ,one should be careful to return to one's seat when the warning-bell rings4 ,it is now thoroughly understood that all ladies should remove their hats at the theater1 opera1 and concert-hall4 ,occasionally they are kind enough to do so at a lecture4 ,a man who is with a party of ladies may excuse himself for a short absence1 if he sees some one to whom he wishes especially to speak4 ,but if he should do so often1 he would be thought neglectful and lacking in courtesy by the members of his party4 ,if he is acting as escort to one lady1 he should not leave her in order to speak to any one else1 unless another man should come to talk to her1 in which case he could excuse himself1 but should return before the curtain rises again4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,transcriber's note3 ,missing or obscured punctuation was corrected4 ,typographical errors were silently corrected4 ,inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant form was found in this book4