,the ,laws of ,etiquette    or1  ,short 
,rules and ,reflections    for          
,,conduct ,,in ,,society4    by ,a      
,gentleman    ,,philadelphia3    #ahcf4 
,transcriber's ,note3 ,note the         
inconsistency of 8,brummell0 in one     
place  of the original1 and 8,brummel0  
all other places4 ,also 8,shakspeare10  
8,don ,quixotte10 8,sir ,piercy10 and   
8,esop0 are as in the original4         
,contents     ,,preface   ,,introduction
   ,,chapter ,i4 ,,good ,,breeding4     
,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,dress4   ,,chapter    
,,iii4 ,,salutations4   ,,chapter ,,iv4 
,,the ,,drawing-,,room4 ,,company4      
,,conversation4   ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the   
,,entrance ,,into ,,society4   ,,chapter
 ,,vi4 ,,letters4   ,,chapter ,,vii4    
,,visits4   ,,chapter ,,viii4           
,,appointments ,,and ,,punctuality4     
,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,dinner4   ,,chapter   
,x4 ,,travelling4   ,,chapter ,,xi4     
,,balls4   ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,funerals4 
,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,servants4           
,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,fashion4   ,,chapter 

,,xv4 ,,miscellaneous4                  
,,preface      ,the author of the       
present volume has endeavoured to       
embody1 in as short  a space as         
possible1 some of the results of his own
 experience and  observation in society1
 and submits the work to the public1    
with the  hope that the remarks which   
are contained in it1 may prove available
  for the benefit of others4 ,it is1 of 
course1 scarcely possible that  anything
 original should be found in a volume   
like this3 almost all  that it contains 
must have fallen under the notice of    
every man of  penetration who has been  
in the habit of frequenting good        
society4 ,many  of the precepts have    
probably been contained in works of a   
similar  character which have appeared  
in ,england and ,france since the days  
of  ,lord ,chesterfield4 ,nothing       
however has been copied from them in the
  compilation of this work1 the author  
having in fact scarcely any             
acquaintance with books of this         

description1 and many years having      
elapsed since he has opened even the    
pages of the noble oracle4 ,he has      
drawn entirely from his own resources1  
with the exception of some hints  for   
arrangement1 and a few brief            
reflections1 which have been derived    
from the ,french4    ,the present volume
 is almost apart from criticism4 ,it has
 no  pretensions to be judged as a      
literary work--its sole merit depending 
upon its correctness and fitness of     
application4 ,upon these grounds he     
ventures to hope for it a favourable    
reception4          ,,introduction      
,the great error into which nearly all  
foreigners and most ,americans  fall1   
who write or speak of society in this   
country1 arises from  confounding the   
political with the social system4 ,in   
most other  countries1 in ,england1     
,france1 and all those nations whose    
government  is monarchical or           
aristocratic1 these systems are indeed  
similar4  ,society is there intimately  

connected with the government1 and the  
distinctions in one are the origin of   
gradations in the other4 ,the  chief    
part of the society of the kingdom is   
assembled in the capital1  and the same 
persons who legislate for the country   
legislate also for  it4 ,but in ,america
 the two systems are totally            
unconnected1 and  altogether different  
in character4 ,in remodelling the form  
of the  administration1 society remained
 unrepublican4 ,there is perfect freedom
  of political privilege1 all are the   
same upon the hustings1 or at a         
political meeting2 but this equality    
does not extend to the  drawing-room or 
the parlour4 ,none are excluded from the
 highest  councils of the nation1 but it
 does not follow that all can enter into
  the highest ranks1 of society4 ,in    
point of fact1 we think that there is   
more exclusiveness in the society of    
this country1 than there is in  that    
even of ,england--far more than there is
 in ,france4 ,and the  explanation may  

perhaps be found in the fact which we   
hate mentioned  above4 ,there being     
there less danger of permanent          
disarrangement or  confusion of ranks by
 the occasional admission of the        
low-born  aspirant1 there does not exist
 the same necessity for a jealous       
guarding of the barriers as there does  
here4 ,the distinction of  classes1     
also1 after the first or second1 is     
actually more clearly  defined1 and more
 rigidly observed in ,america1 than in  
any country of  ,europe4 ,persons       
unaccustomed to look searchingly at     
these matters1 may  be surprised to hear
 it2 but we know from observation1 that 
there are  among the respectable1 in any
 city of the ,united ,states1 at least  
ten  distinct ranks4 ,we cannot1 of     
course1 here point them out1 because we 
could not do it without mentioning      
names4    ,every man is naturally       
desirous of finding entrance into the   
best  society of his country1 and it    
becomes therefore a matter of importance

  to ascertain what qualifications are  
demanded for admittance4    ,a writer   
who is popularly unpopular1 has         
remarked1 that the test of  standing in 
,boston1 is literary eminence2 in ,new  
,york1 wealth2 and in  ,philadelphia1   
purity of blood4    ,to this remark1 we 
can only oppose our opinion1 that none  
of these are  indispensable1 and none of
 them sufficient4 ,the society of this  
country1 unlike that of ,england1 does  
not court literary talent4 ,we  have    
cases in our recollection1 which prove  
the remark1 in relation to  the highest 
ranks1 even of ,boston4 ,wealth has no  
pretensions to be the  standard         
anywhere4 ,in ,new ,york1 the ,liverpool
 of ,america1 although the  rich may    
make greater display and bruit1 yet all 
of the merely rich1  will find that     
there does exist a small and unchanging 
circle1 whether  above or below them1   
#8it is not ours to say1' yet completely
 apart from  them1 into which they would
 rejoice to find entrance1 and from     

which  they would be glad to receive    
emigrants4    ,whatever may be the      
accomplishments necessary to render one 
capable of  reaching the highest        
platform of social eminence1 and it is  
not easy to  define clearly what they   
are1 there is one thing1 and one alone1 
which  will enable any man to retain his
 station there2 and that is1 ,,good     
,,breeding4 ,without it1 we believe that
 literature1 wealth1 and even  blood1   
will be unsuccessful4 ,by it1 if it     
co-exist with a certain  capacity of    
affording pleasure by conversation1 any 
one1 we imagine1  could frequent the    
very best society in every city of      
,america1 and  perhaps the very best    
alone4 ,to obtain1 then1 the manners of 
a  gentleman is a matter of no small    
importance4    ,we do not pretend that a
 man will be metamorphosed into a       
gentleman by  reading this book1 or any 
other book4 ,refined manners are like   
refined  style which ,cicero compares to
 the colour of the cheeks1 which is not 

acquired by sudden or violent exposure  
to heat1 but by continual  walking in   
the sun4 ,good manners can certainly    
only be acquired by much  usage in good 
company4 ,but there are a number of     
little forms1  imperiously enacted by   
custom1 which may be taught in this     
manner1 and  the conscious ignorance of 
which often prevents persons from going 
into  company at all4    ,these forms   
may be abundantly absurd1 but still they
 must be attended  to2 for one half the 
world does and always will observe them1
 and the  other half is at a great      
disadvantage if it does not4            
,intercourse is  constantly taking      
place1 and an awkward man of letters1 in
 the society  of a polished man of the  
world1 is like a strong man contending  
with a  skilful fencer4 ,mr4 ,addison   
says1 that he once saw the ablest       
mathematician in the kingdom utterly    
embarrassed1 from not knowing  whether  
he ought to stand or sit when my lord   
duke drank his health4    ,some of the  

many errors which are liable to be      
committed through  ignorance of usage1  
are pleasantly pointed out in the       
following story1  which is related by a 
,french writer4    ,the ,abb ,cosson1   
professor in the ,collge ,mazarin1      
thoroughly  accomplished in the art of  
teaching1 saturated with ,greek1 ,latin1
 and  literature1 considered himself a  
perfect well of science3 he had no      
conception that a man who knew all      
,persius and ,horace by heart could     
possibly commit an error--above all1 an 
error at table4 ,but it was not  long   
before he discovered his mistake4 ,one  
day1 after dining with the  ,abb de     
,radonvillers at ,versailles1 in company
 with several courtiers  and marshals of
 ,france1 he was boasting of the rare   
acquaintance with  etiquette and custom 
which he had exhibited at dinner4 ,the  
,abb  ,delille1 who heard this eulogy   
upon his own conduct1 interrupted his   
harangue1 by offering to wager that he  
had committed at least a hundred        

improprieties at the table4 8,how is it 
possible60 exclaimed ,cosson4 8,i  did  
exactly like the rest of the company40  
8,what absurdity60 said the other4 8,you
 did a thousand things which no  one    
else did4 ,first1 when you sat down at  
the table1 what did you do  with your   
napkin80 8,my napkin8 ,why just what    
every body else did with  theirs4 ,i    
unfolded it entirey1 and fastened it to 
my buttonhole40  8,well1 my dear        
friend10 said ,delille1 8you were the   
only one that did  that1 at all events4 
,no one hangs up his napkin in that     
style2 they  are contented with placing 
it on their knees4 ,and what did you1 do
 when  you took your soup80 8,like the  
others1 ,i believe4 ,i took my spoon in 
one hand1 and my fork in the other--0   
8,your fork6 ,who ever eat soup with  a 
fork8--,but to proceed2 after your soup1
 what did you eat80 8,a fresh  egg40    
8,and what did you do with the shell80  
8,handed it to the servant  who stood   
behind my chair40 8,with out breaking   

it80 8,without breaking  it1 of course40
 8,well1 my dear ,abb1 nobody ever eats 
an egg without  breaking the shell4 ,and
 after your egg--80 8,i asked the ,abb  
,radonvillers to send me a piece of the 
hen near him40 8,bless my soul6 a  piece
 of the hen8 ,you never speak of hens   
excepting in the barn-yard4  ,you should
 have asked for fowl or chicken4 ,but   
you say nothing of your  mode of        
drinking40 8,like all the rest1 ,i asked
 for claret and  champagne40 8,let me   
inform you1 then1 that persons always   
ask for  claret wine and champagne wine4
 ,but1 tell me1 how did you eat your    
bread80 8,surely ,i did that properly4  
,i cut it with my knife1 in the  most   
regular manner possible40 8,bread should
 always be broken1 not cut4  ,but the   
coffee1 how did you manage it80 8,it was
 rather too hot1 and ,i  poured a little
 of it into my saucer40 8,well1 you     
committed here the  greatest fault of   
all4 ,you should never pour your coffee 
into the  saucer1 but always drink it   

from the cup40 ,the poor ,abb was       
confounded4 ,he felt that though one    
might be master of the seven  sciences1 
yet that there was another species of   
knowledge which1 if  less dignified1 was
 equally important4    ,this occurred   
many years ago1 but there is not one of 
the observances  neglected by the ,abb  
,cosson1 which is not enforced with     
equal  rigidness in the present day4    
,,chapter ,i4  ,,good ,,breeding4       
,the formalities of refined society were
 at first established for the  purpose  
of facilitating the intercourse of      
persons of the same  standing1 and      
increasing the happiness of all to whom 
they apply4 ,they  are now kept up1 both
 to assist the convenience of           
intercourse and to  prevent too great   
familiarity4 ,if they are carried too   
far1 and escape  from the control of    
good sense1 they become impediments to  
enjoyment4  ,among the ,chinese they    
serve only the purpose of annoying to an
  incalculable degree4 8,the            

government10 says ,de ,marcy1 in writing
 of  ,china1 8constantly applies itself 
to preserve1 not only in the court  and 
among the great1 but among the people   
themselves1 a constant habit  of        
civility and courtesy4 ,the ,chinese    
have an infinity of books upon  such    
subjects2 one of these treatises        
contains more than three thousand       
articles4-- ,everything is pointed out  
with the most minute detail2 the  manner
 of saluting1 of visiting1 of making    
presents1 of writing  letters1 of       
eating1 etc43 and these customs have the
 force of laws--no  one can dispense    
with them4 ,there is a special tribunal 
at ,peking1 of  which it is one of the  
chief duties1 to ensure the observance  
of these  civil ordinances80    ,one    
would think that one was here reading an
 account of the capital of  ,france4 ,it
 depends1 then1 upon the spirit in which
 these forms are  observed1 whether     
their result shall be beneficial or not4
 ,the ,french  and the ,chinese are the 

most formal of all the nations4 ,yet the
 one is  the stiffest and most distant2 
the other1 the easiest and most social4 
8,we may define politeness10 says ,la   
,bruyre1 8though we cannot tell  where  
to fix it in practice4 ,it observes     
received usages and customs1  is bound  
to times and places1 and is not the same
 thing in the two  sexes or in different
 conditions4 ,wit alone cannot obtain   
it3 it is  acquired and brought to      
perfection by emulation4 ,some          
dispositions  alone are susceptible of  
politeness1 as others are only capable  
of  great talents or solid virtues4 ,it 
is true politeness puts merit  forward1 
and renders it agreeable1 and a man must
 have eminent  qualifications to support
 himself without it40 ,perhaps even the 
greatest merit cannot successfully      
straggle against unfortunate and        
disagreeable manners4 ,lord             
,chesterfield says that the ,duke of    
,marlborough owed his first promotions  
to the suavity of his manners1  and that

 without it he could not have risen4    
,la ,bruyre has elsewhere given this    
happy definition of politeness1 the     
other passage being rather a description
 of it4 8,politeness seems to be  a     
certain care1 by the manner of our words
 and actions1 to make others  pleased   
with us and themselves40    ,we must    
here stop to point out an error which is
 often committed both  in practice and  
opinion1 and which consists in          
confounding together the  gentleman and 
the man of fashion4 ,no two characters  
can be more  distinct than these4 ,good 
sense and self-respect are the          
foundations of  the one--notoriety and  
influence the objects of the other4 ,men
 of  fashion are to be seen everywhere3 
a pure and mere gentleman is the  rarest
 thing alive4 ,brummel was a man of     
fashion2 but it would be a  perversion  
of terms to apply to him 8a very        
expressive word in our  language1--a    
word1 denoting an assemblage of many    
real virtues and of  many qualities     

approaching to virtues1 and an union of 
manners at once  pleasing and commanding
 respect1-- the word gentleman4099 ,the 
requisites  to compose this last        
character are natural ease of manner1   
and an  acquaintance with the 8outward  
habit of encounter0--dignity and        
self-possession--a respect for all the  
decencies of life1 and perfect  freedom 
from all affectation4 ,dr4 ,johnson's   
bearing during his  interview with the  
king showed him to be a thorough        
gentleman1 and  demonstrates how rare   
and elevated that character is4 ,when   
his majesty  expressed in the language  
of compliment his high opinion of       
,johnson's  merits1 the latter bowed in 
silence4 ,if ,chesterfield could have   
retained sufficient presence of mind to 
have done the same on such an  occasion1
 he would have applauded himself to the 
end of his days4 ,so  delicate is the   
nature of those qualities that          
constitute a gentleman1  that there is  
but one exhibition of this description  

of persons in all  the literary and     
dramatic fictions from ,shakespeare     
downward4 ,scott has  not attempted it4 
,bulwer1 in 8,pelham10 has shot wide of 
the mark4 ,it  was reserved for the     
author of two very singular productions1
  8,sydenham0 and its continuation      
8,alice ,paulet0--works of extraordinary
  merits and extraordinary faults--to   
portray this character completely1  in  
the person of ,mr4 ,paulet4    99       
,charles ,butler's ,reminiscences       
,,chapter ,,ii4  ,,dress4      ,first   
impressions are apt to be permanent2 it 
is therefore of  importance that they   
should be favourable4 ,the dress of an  
individual  is that circumstance from   
which you first form your opinion of    
him4 ,it  is even more prominent than   
manner1 ,it is indeed the only thing    
which  is remarked in a casual          
encounter1 or during the first          
interview4 ,it1  therefore1 should be   
the first care4    ,what style is to our
 thoughts1 dress is to our persons4 ,it 

may supply  the place of more solid     
qualities1 and without it the most solid
 are  of little avail4 ,numbers have    
owed their elevation to their attention 
to the toilet4 ,place1 fortune1 marriage
 have all been lost by  neglecting it4  
,a man need not mingle long with the    
world to find  occasion to exclaim with 
,sedaine1 8,ah6 mon habit1 que je vous  
remercie60 ,in spite of the proverb1 the
 dress often does make the  monk4       
,your dress should always be consistent 
with your age and your natural          
exterior4 ,that which looks outr1 on one
 man1 will be agreeable on  another4 ,as
 success in this respect depends almost 
entirely upon  particular circumstances 
and personal peculiarities1 it is       
impossible  to give general directions  
of much importance4 ,we can only point  
out  the field for study and research2  
it belongs to each one's own genius  and
 industry to deduce the results4        
,however ugly you may be1 rest  assured 
that there is some style of habiliment  

which will make you  passable4    ,if1  
for example1 you have a stain upon your 
cheek which rivals in  brilliancy the   
best ,chateau-,margout2 or1 are         
afflicted with a nose  whose lustre dims
 the ruby1 you may employ such hues of  
dress1 that the  eye1 instead of being  
shocked by the strangeness of the       
defect1 will be  charmed by the graceful
 harmony of the colours4 ,every one     
cannot indeed  be an ,adonis1 but it is 
his own fault if he is an ,esop4    ,if 
you have bad1 squinting eyes1 which have
 lost their lashes and are  bordered    
with red1 you should wear spectacles4   
,if the defect be great1  your glasses  
should be coloured4 ,in such cases      
emulate the sky rather  than the sea3   
green spectacles are an abomination1    
fitted only for  students in divinity1--
 blue ones are respectable and even     
distingu4    ,almost every defect of    
face may be concealed by a judicious use
 and  arrangement of hair4 ,take care1  
however1 that your hair be not of one   

colour and your whiskers of another2 and
 let your wig be large enough  to cover 
the whole of your red or white hair4    
,it is evident1 therefore1 that though a
 man may be ugly1 there is no  necessity
 for his being shocking4 ,would that all
 men were convinced of  this6 ,i verily 
believe that if ,mr4 -- in his          
walking-dress1 and ,mr4 -- in  his      
evening costume were to meet alone1 in  
some solitary place1 where  there was   
nothing to divert their attention from  
one another1 they  would expire of      
mutual hideousness4    ,if you have any 
defect1 so striking and so ridiculous as
 to procure you  a nickname then indeed 
there is but one remedy1--renounce      
society4    ,in the morning1 before     
eleven o'clock even if you go out1 you  
should  not be dressed4 ,you would be   
stamped a parvenu if you were seen in   
anything better than a reputable old    
frock coat4 ,if you remain at home1  and
 are a bachelor1 it is permitted to     
receive visitors in a morning  gown4 ,in

 summer1 calico2 in winter1 figured     
cloth1 faced with fur4 ,at  dinner1 a   
coat1 of course1 is indispensable4      
,the effect of a frock coat is to       
conceal the height4 ,if1 therefore1 you 
are beneath the ordinary statue1 or much
 above it1 you should affect  frock     
coats on all occasions that etiquette   
permits4    ,before going to a ball or  
party it is not sufficient that you     
consult  your mirror twenty times4 ,you 
must be personally inspected by your    
servant or a friend4 ,through defect of 
this1 ,i once saw a gentleman  enter a  
ball-room1 attired with scrupulous      
elegance1 but with one of  his          
suspenders curling in graceful festoons 
about his feet4 ,his glass  could not   
show what was behind4    ,if you are    
about to present yourself in a company  
composed only of men1  you may wear     
boots4 ,if there be but one lady        
present1 pumps and  silk-stockings are  
indispensable4    ,there is a common    
proverb which says1 that if a man be    

well dressed as  to head and feet1 he   
may present himself everywhere4 ,the    
assertion is  as false as ,mr4 ,kemble's
 voice4 ,happy indeed if it were        
necessary to  perfect only the          
extremities4 ,the coat1 the waistcoat1  
the gloves1 and1  above all1 the cravat1
 must be alike ignorant of blemish4     
,upon the subject of the cravat--7for   
heaven's sake and ,brummel's1 never     
appear in a stock after twelve          
o'clock7--,we cannot at present say     
anything4 ,if we were to say anything1  
we could not be content without  saying 
all1 and to say all would require a     
folio4 ,a book has been  published upon 
the subject1 entitled 8,the ,cravat     
considered in its  moral1 literary1     
political1 military1 and religious      
attributes40 ,this  and a clever1 though
 less profound1 treatise on 8,the art of
 tying the  ,cravat10 are as            
indispensable to a gentleman as an ice  
at twelve  o'clock4    ,when we speak of
 excellence in dress we do not mean     

richness of  clothing1 nor manifested   
elaboration4 ,faultless propriety1      
perfect  harmony1 and a refined         
simplicity1--these are the charms which 
fascinate  here4    ,it is as great a   
sin to be finical in dress as to be     
negligent4    ,upon this subject the    
ladies are the only infallible oracles4 
,apart  from the perfection to which    
they must of necessity arrive1 from     
devoting their entire existence to such 
considerations1 they seem to be  endued 
with an inexpressible tact1 a sort of   
sixth sense1 which reveals  intuitively 
the proper distinctions4 ,that your     
dress is approved by a  man is          
nothing2--you cannot enjoy the high     
satisfaction of being  perfectly comme  
il faut1 until your performance has     
received the seal  of a woman's         
approbation4    ,if the benefits to be  
derived from cultivating your exterior  
do not  appear sufficiently powerful to 
induce attention1 the inconveniences    
arising from too great disregard may    

perhaps prevail4 ,sir ,matthew ,hale1   
in the earlier part of his life1 dressed
 so badly that he was once  seized by   
the press-gang4 ,not long since1 as ,i  
entered the hall of a  public hotel1 ,i 
saw a person so villainously habited1   
that supposing  him to be one of the    
servants1 ,i desired him to take my     
luggage  upstairs1 and was on the point 
of offering him a shilling1 when ,i     
discovered that ,i was addressing the   
,honorable ,mr4 99 99 991 one of the    
most eminent ,american statesmen4       
,,chapter ,,iii4  ,,salutations4        
,the salutation1 says a ,french writer1 
is the touchstone of good  breeding4    
,according to circumstances1 it should  
be respectful1 cordial1  civil1         
affectionate or familiar3--an           
inclination of the head1 a gesture  with
 the hand1 the touching or doffing of   
the hat4    ,if you remove your hat you 
need not at the same time bend the      
dorsal  vertebr of your body1 unless you
 wish to be very reverential1 as in     

saluting a bishop4    ,it is a mark of  
high breeding not to speak to a lady in 
the street1  until you perceive that she
 has noticed you by an inclination of   
the  head4    ,some ladies courtesy in  
the street1 a movement not gracefully   
consistent with locomotion4 ,they should
 always bow4    ,if an individual of the
 lowest rank1 or without any rank at    
all1 takes  off his hat to you1 you     
should do the same in return4 ,a bow1   
says ,la  ,fontaine1 is a note drawn at 
sight4 ,if you acknowledge it1 you must 
pay  the full amount4 ,the two best-bred
 men in ,england1 ,charles the ,second  
and ,george the ,fourth1 never failed to
 take off their hats to the  meanest of 
their subjects4    ,avoid condescending 
bows to your friends and equals4 ,if you
 meet a rich  parvenu1 whose consequence
 you wish to reprove1 you may salute him
 in a  very patronizing manner3 or else1
 in acknowledging his bow1 look         
somewhat surprised and say1             
8,mister--eh--eh80    ,if you have      

remarkably fine teeth1 you may smile    
affectionately upon  the bowee1 without 
speaking4    ,in passing ladies of rank1
 whom you meet in society1 bow1 but do  
not  speak4    ,if you have anything to 
say to any one in the street1 especially
 a  lady1 however intimate you may be1  
do not stop the person1 but turn  round 
and walk in company2 you can take leave 
at the end of the street4    ,if there  
is any one of your acquaintance1 with   
whom you have a  difference1 do not     
avoid looking at him1 unless from the   
nature of  things the quarrel is        
necessarily for life4 ,it is almost     
always better  to bow with cold         
civility1 though without speaking4      
,as a general rule never cut any one in 
the street4 ,even political and         
steamboat acquaintances should be       
noticed by the slightest movement in    
the world4 ,if they presume to converse 
with you1 or stop you to  introduce     
their companion1 it is then time to use 
your eye-glass1 and  say1 8,i never knew

 you40    ,if you address a lady in the 
open air1 you remain uncovered until she
  has desired you twice to put on your  
hat4 ,in general1 if you are in  any    
place where etiquette requires you to   
remain uncovered or  standing1 and a    
lady1 or one much your superior1        
requests you to be  covered or to sit1  
you may how off the command4 ,if it is  
repeated1 you  should comply4 ,you      
thereby pay the person a marked1 but    
delicate1  compliment1 by allowing their
 will to be superior to the general     
obligations of etiquette4    ,when two  
,americans1 who 8have not been          
introduced10 meet in some public  place1
 as in a theatre1 a stagecoach1 or a    
steamboat1 they will sit for  an hour   
staring in one another's faces1 but     
without a word of  conversation4 ,this  
form of unpoliteness has been adopted   
from the  ,english1 and it is as little 
worthy of imitation as the form of their
  government4 ,good sense and           
convenience are the foundations of good 

breeding2 and it is assuredly vastly    
more reasonable and more agreeable  to  
enjoy a passing gratification1 when no  
sequent evil is to be  apprehended1 than
 to be rendered uncomfortable by an     
ill-founded pride4  ,it is therefore    
better to carry on an easy and civil    
conversation4 ,a  snuff-box1 or some    
polite accommodation rendered1 may serve
 for an  opening4 ,talk only about      
generalities1--the play1 the roads1 the 
weather4 ,avoid speaking of persons or  
politics1 for1 if the individual  is of 
the opposite party to yourself1 you will
 be engaged in a  controversy3 if he    
holds the same opinions1 you will be    
overwhelmed  with a flood of vulgar     
intelligence1 which may soil your mind4 
,be  reservedly civil while the colloquy
 lasts1 and let the acquaintance  cease 
with the occasion4    ,when you are     
introduced to a gentleman do not give   
your hand1 but  merely bow with         
politeness3 and if you have requested   
the introduction1  or know the person by

 reputation1 you may make a speech4 ,i  
am aware  that high authority might     
easily be found in this country to      
sanction  the custom of giving the hand 
upon a first meeting1 but it is         
undoubtedly a solecism in manners4 ,the 
habit has been adopted by us1  with some
 improvement for the worse1 from        
,france4 ,when two ,frenchmen  are      
presented to one another1 each presses  
the other's hand with  delicate         
affection4 ,the ,english1 however1 never
 do so3 and the  practice1 if abstractly
 correct1 is altogether inconsistent    
with the  caution of manner which is    
characteristic of their nation and our  
own4  ,if we are to follow the ,french1 
in shaking hands with one whom we have  
never before seen1 we should certainly  
imitate them also in kissing our        
intimate male acquaintances4 ,if1       
however1 you ought only to bow to a  new
 acquaintance1 you surely should do more
 to old ones4 ,if you meet an  intimate 
friend fifty times in a morning1 give   

your hand every time1--an  observance of
 propriety1 which1 though worthy of     
universal adoption1 is  in this country 
only followed by the purists in         
politeness4 ,the  requisitions of       
etiquette1 if they should be obeyed at  
all1 should be  obeyed fully4 ,this     
decent formality prevents acquaintance  
from being  too distant1 while1 at the  
same time1 it preserves the 8familiar0  
from  becoming 8vulgar40 ,they may be   
little things1 but    8,these little    
things are great to little men40        
,goldsmith4          ,,chapter ,,iv4    
,,the ,,drawing-,,room4 ,,company4      
,,conversation4      ,the grand object  
for which a gentleman exists1 is to     
excel in company4  ,conversation is the 
mean of his distinction1--the           
drawing-room the scene  of his glory4   
,when you enter a drawing-room1 where   
there is a ball or a party1 you  salute 
the lady of the house before speaking to
 any one else4 ,even your  most intimate
 friends are enveloped in an opaque     

atmosphere until you  have made your bow
 to your entertainer4 ,we must take     
occasion here to  obelize a custom which
 prevails too generally in this country4
 ,the  company enter the back door of   
the back parlour1 and the mistress of   
the house is seated at the other        
extremity of the front parlour4 ,it is  
therefore necessary to traverse the     
length of two rooms in order to  reach  
her4 ,a voyage of this kind is by no    
means an easy undertaking1  when there  
are ,circes and ,calypsos assailing one 
on every side2 and  when one has reached
 the conclusion1 one cannot perhaps     
distinguish the  object of one's search 
at a coup d'il4 ,it would be in every   
point of  view more appropriate if the  
lady were to stand directly opposite to 
the door of the back parlour4 ,such is  
the custom in the best companies        
abroad4 ,upon a single gentleman        
entering at a late hour1 it is not so   
obligatory to speak first to the        
mistress of the ceremonies4 ,he may be  

allowed to converge his way up to her4  
,when you leave a room before the       
others1 go without speaking to any one1 
and1 if possible1 unseen4    ,never     
permit the sanctity of the drawing-room 
to be violated by a boot4               
,fashionable society is divided into    
sets1 in all of which there is  some    
peculiarity of manner1 or some dominant 
tone of feeling4 ,it is  necessary to   
study these peculiarities before        
entering the circle4    ,in each of     
these sets there is generally some      
gentleman1 who rules1  and gives it its 
character1 or1 rather1 who is not ruler1
 but the first  and most favoured       
subject1 and the prime minister of the  
ladies' will4  ,him you must endeavour  
to imitate1 taking care not to imitate  
him so  well as to excel him4 ,to differ
 in manner or opinion from him is to    
render yourself unfit for that circle4  
,to speak disrespectfully of him  is to 
insult personally every lady who        
composes it4    ,in company1 though none

 are 8free10 yet all are 8equal40 ,all  
therefore  whom you meet1 should be     
treated with equal respect1 although    
interest  may dictate toward each       
different degrees of attention4 ,it is  
disrespectful to the inviter to shun any
 of her guests4 ,those whom she  has    
honoured by asking to her house1 you    
should sanction by admitting  to your   
acquaintance4    ,if you meet any one   
whom you have never heard of before at  
the table of  a gentleman1 or in the    
drawing-room of a lady1 you may converse
 with  him with entire propriety4 ,the  
form of 8introduction0 is nothing more  
than a statement by a mutual friend that
 two gentlemen are by rank and  manners 
fit acquaintances for one another4 ,all 
this may be presumed  from the fact1    
that both meet at a respectable house4  
,this is the  theory of the matter4     
,custom1 however1 requires that you     
should take  the earliest opportunity   
afterwards to be regularly presented to 
such  an one4    ,men of all sorts of   

occupations meet in society4 ,as they go
 there to  unbend their minds and escape
 from the fetters of business1 you      
should  never1 in an evening1 speak to a
 man about his professions4 ,do not talk
  of politics with a journalist1 of     
fevers to a physician1 of stocks to a   
broker1--nor1 unless you wish to enrage 
him to the utmost1 of  education to a   
collegian4 ,the error which is here     
condemned is often  committed from mere 
good nature and a desire to be affable4 
,but it  betrays to a gentleman1        
ignorance of the world--to a            
philosopher1  ignorance of human nature4
 ,the one considers that 8,tous les     
hommes sont  gaux devant la politesse30 
the other remembers that though it may  
be  agreeable to be patronised and      
assisted1 yet it is still more agreeable
  to be treated as if you needed no     
patronage1 and were above assistance4   
,sir ,joshua ,reynolds once received    
from two noblemen invitations to  visit 
them on ,sunday morning4 ,the first1    

whom he waited upon1 welcomed  him with 
the most obsequious condescension1      
treated him with all the  attention in  
the world1 professed that he was so     
desirous of seeing  him1 that he had    
mentioned ,sunday as the time for his   
visit1 supposing  him to be too much    
engaged during the week1 to spare time  
enough for  the purpose1 concluded his  
compliments by an eulogy on painting1   
and  smiled him affectionately to the   
door4 ,sir ,joshua left him1 to call    
upon the other4 ,that one received him  
with respectful civility1 and  behaved  
to him as he would have behaved to an   
equal in the  peerage3--said nothing    
about ,raphael nor ,correggio1 but      
conversed with  ease about literature   
and men4 ,this nobleman was the ,earl of
  ,chesterfield4 ,sir ,joshua felt1 that
 though the one had said that he        
respected him1 the other had proved that
 he did1 and went away from  this one   
gratified rather than from the first4   
,reader1 there is wisdom  in this       

anecdote4 ,mark1 learn1 and inwardly    
digest it3 and let this be  the moral   
which you deduce1--that there is        
distinction in society1 but  that there 
are no distinctions4    ,the great      
business in company is conversation4 ,it
 should be studied as  art4 ,style in   
conversation is as important1 and as    
capable of  cultivation as style in     
writing4 ,the manner of saying things is
 what  gives them their value4    ,the  
most important requisite for succeeding 
here1 is constant and  unfaltering      
attention4 ,that which ,churchill has   
noted as the greatest  virtue on the    
stage1 is also the most necessary in    
company1--to be  8always attentive to   
the business of the scene40 ,your       
understanding  should1 like your person1
 be armed at all points4 ,never go into 
society  with your mind en deshabille4  
,it is fatal to success to be all absent
  or distrait4 ,the secret of           
conversation has been said to consist in
  building upon the remark of your      

companion4 ,men of the strongest minds1 
who have solitary habits and bookish    
dispositions1 rarely excel in  sprightly
 colloquy1 because they seize upon the  
thing itself1--the  subject             
abstractly1--instead of attending to the
 language of other  speakers1 and do not
 cultivate verbal pleasantries and      
refinements4  ,he who does otherwise    
gains a reputation for quickness1 and   
pleases by  showing that he has regarded
 the observation of others4    ,it is an
 error to suppose that conversation     
consists in talking4 ,a more  important 
thing is to listen discreetly4 ,mirabeau
 said1 that to succeed  in the world1 it
 is necessary to submit to be taught    
many things which  you understand1 by   
persons who know nothing about them4    
,flattery is the  smoothest path to     
success2 and the most refined and       
gratifying  compliment you can pay1 is  
to listen4 8,the wit of conversation    
consists  more in finding it in others10
 says ,la ,bruyre1 8than in showing a   

great deal yourself3 he who goes from   
your conversation pleased with  himself 
and his own wit1 is perfectly well      
pleased with you4 ,most men  had rather 
please than admire you1 and seek less to
 be instructed1--nay1  delighted1--than 
to be approved and applauded4 ,the most 
delicate  pleasure is to please         
another40    ,it is certainly proper    
enough to convince others of your       
merits4 ,but  the highest idea which you
 can give a man of your own penetration1
 is  to be thoroughly impressed with    
his4    ,patience is a social engine1 as
 well as a ,christian virtue4 ,to       
listen1  to wait1 and to be wearied are 
the certain elements of good fortune4   
,if there be any foreigner present at a 
dinner party1 or small evening  party1  
who does not understand the language    
which is spoken1 good  breeding requires
 that the conversation should be carried
 on entirely  in his language4 ,even    
among your most intimate friends1 never 
address  any one in a language not      

understood by all the others4 ,it is as 
bad as  whispering4    ,never speak to  
any one in company about a private      
affair which is not  understood by      
others1 as asking how that matter is    
coming on1 c4 ,in  so doing you indicate
 your opinion that the rest are de trop4
 ,if you  wish to make any such         
inquiries1 always explain to others the 
business  about which you inquire1 if   
the subject admit of it4    ,if upon the
 entrance of a visitor you continue a   
conversation begun  before1 you should  
always explain the subject to the       
new-comer4    ,if there is any one in   
the company whom you do not know1 be    
careful how  you let off any epigrams or
 pleasant little sarcasms4 ,you might be
 very  witty upon halters to a man whose
 father had been hanged4 ,the first     
requisite for successful conversation is
 to know your company well4    ,we have 
spoken above of the necessity of        
relinquishing the prerogative  of our   
race1 and being contented with recipient

 silence4 ,there is  another precept of 
a kindred nature to be observed1 namely1
 not to talk  too well when you do talk4
 ,you do not raise yourself much in the 
opinion of another1 if at the same time 
that you amuse him1 you wound  him in   
the nicest point1--his self-love4       
,besides irritating vanity1 a  constant 
flow of wit is excessively fatiguing to 
the listeners4 ,a witty  man is an      
agreeable acquaintance1 but a tiresome  
friend4 8,the wit of  the company1 next 
to the butt of the company10 says ,mrs4 
,montagu1 8is  the meanest person in it4
 ,the great duty of conversation is to  
follow  suit1 as you do at whist3 if the
 eldest hand plays the deuce of         
diamonds1 let not his next neighbour    
dash down the king of hearts1  because  
his hand is full of honours4 ,i do not  
love to see a man of wit  win all the   
tricks in conversation40    ,in         
addressing any one1 always look at him2 
and if there are several  present1 you  
will please more by directing some      

portion of your  conversation1 as an    
anecdote or statement1 to each one      
individually in  turn4 ,this was the    
great secret of ,sheridan's charming    
manner4 ,his  bon-mots were not         
numerous4    ,never ask a question under
 any circumstances4 ,in the first place 
it is  too proud2 in the second place1  
it may be very inconvenient or very     
awkward to give a reply4 ,a lady lately 
inquired of what branch of  medical     
practice a certain gentleman was        
professor4 ,he held the chair  of       
midwifery6    ,it is indispensable for  
conversation to be well acquainted with 
the  current news and the historical    
events of the last few years4 ,it is not
  convenient to be quite so far behind  
the rest of the world in such  matters1 
as the ,courier des ,etats-,unis4 ,that 
sapient journal lately  announced the   
dethronement of ,charles ,x4 ,we may    
expect soon to hear of  the accession of
 ,louis ,philippe4    ,in society never 
quote4 ,if you get entangled in a       

dispute with some  learned blockhead1   
you may silence him with a few          
extemporary  quotations4 ,select the    
author for whom he has the greatest     
admiration1  and give him a passage in  
the style of that writer1 which most    
pointedly condemns the opinion he       
supports4 ,if it does not convince  him1
 he will be so much stunned with        
amazement that you can make your        
escape1 and avoid the unpleasant        
necessity of knocking him down4    ,the 
ordinary weapons which one employs in   
social encounter1 are1  whether         
dignified or not1 always at least       
honourable4 ,there are some1  however1  
who habitually prefer to bribe the      
judge1 rather than  strengthen their    
cause4 ,the instrument of such is       
flattery4 ,there are1  indeed1 cases in 
which a man of honour may use the same  
weapon2 as  there are cases in which a  
poisoned sword may be employed for      
self-defence4    ,flattery prevails over
 all1 always1 and in all places2 it     

conquers the  conqueror of ,dane3 few   
are beneath it1 none above it3 the      
court1 the  camp1 the church1 are the   
scenes of its victories1 and all mankind
 the  subjects of its triumphs4 ,it will
 be acknowledged1 then1 that a man      
possesses no very contemptible power who
 can flatter skillfully4    ,the power  
of flattery may be derived from several 
sources4 ,it may be1  that the person   
flattered1 finding himself gratified1   
and conscious  that it is to the        
flatterer that he is indebted for this  
gratification1  feels an obligation to  
him1 without inquiring the reason2 or it
 may be1  that imagining ourselves to   
stand high in the good opinion of the   
one  that praises us1 ,we comply with   
what he desires1 rather than forfeit    
that esteem3 or1 finally1 flattery may  
be only a marked politeness1 and  we    
submit ourselves to the control of the  
flatterer rather than be  guilty of the 
rudeness of opposing him4    ,flattery  
never should be direct4 ,it should not  

be stated1 but inferred4  ,it is better 
acted than uttered4 ,flattery should    
seem to be the  unwitting and even      
unwilling expression of genuine         
admiration4 ,some  very weak persons do 
not require that expressions of praise  
and esteem  toward them should be       
sincere4 ,they are pleased with the     
incense1  although they perceive whence 
it arises3 they are pleased that they   
are  of importance enough to have their 
favour courted4 ,but in most eases it   
is necessary that the flattery should   
appear to be the honest offspring  of   
the feelings4 ,such flattery must       
succeed2 for1 it is founded  upon a     
principle in our nature which is as deep
 as life2 namely1 that  we always love  
those who we think love us4    ,it is   
sometimes flattery to accept praises4   
,never flatter one person in the        
presence of another4    ,never commend a
 lady's musical skill to another lady   
who herself plays4    ,it has often1    
however1 a good effect to praise one man

 to his  particular friend1 if it be for
 something to which that friend has     
himself no pretensions4    ,it is an    
error to imagine that men are less      
intoxicated with flattery  than women4  
,the only difference is that esteem must
 be expressed to  women1 but proved to  
men4    ,flattery is of course          
efficacious to obtain positive benefits4
 ,it is  of1 more constant use1 however1
 for purposes of defence4 ,you conquer  
an  attack of rudeness by courtesy3 you 
avert an attack of accusation by        
flattery4 ,every3one remembers the      
anecdote of ,dr4 ,johnson and ,mr4      
,ewing4 8,prince10 said ,napoleon to    
,talleyrand1 8they tell me that you     
sometimes speculate improperly in the   
funds40 8,they do me wrong then10  said 
,talleyrand4 8,but how did you acquire  
so much money60 8,i bought  stock the   
day before you were proclaimed ,first   
,consul10 replied the  ex-bishop1 8and  
,i sold it the day after40              
,compliments are light skirmishes in the

 war of flattery1 for the  purpose of   
obtaining an occasional object4 ,they   
are little false coins  that you receive
 with one hand and pay away with the    
other4 ,to flatter  requires a profound 
knowledge of human nature and of the    
character of  your subject2 to          
compliment skillfully1 it is sufficient 
that you are a  pupil of ,spurzheim4    
,it is a common practice with men to    
abstain from grave conversation  with   
women4 ,and the habit is in general     
judicious4 ,if the woman is  young1 gay 
and trifling1 talk to her only of the   
latest fashions1 the  gossip of the day1
 etc4 ,but this in other cases is not to
 be done4 ,most  women who are a little 
old1 particularly married women -- and  
even some  who are young -- wish to     
obtain a reputation for intellect and an
  acquaintance ,with science4 ,you      
therefore pay them a real compliment1   
and gratify their self-love1 by         
conversing occasionally upon grave      
matters1 which they do not understand1  

and do not really relish4 ,you  may     
interrupt a discussion on the beauty of 
a dahlia1 by observing that  as you know
 that they take an interest in such     
things you mention the  discovery of a  
new method of analyzing curves of double
 curvature4 ,men  who talk only of      
trifles will rarely be popular with     
women past  twenty-five4    ,talk to a  
mother about her children4 ,women are   
never tired of hearing  of themselves   
and their children4    ,if you go to a  
house where there are children you      
should take especial  care to conciliate
 their good will by a little manly      
tete-a-tete1  otherwise you may get a   
ball against your skins1 or be tumbled  
from a  three-legged chair4    ,to be   
able to converse with women you must    
study their vocabulary4 ,you  would make
 a great mistake in interpreting never1 
forever1 as they  are explained in      
,johnson4    ,do not be for ever telling
 a woman that she is handsome1 witty1   
etc4  ,she knows that a vast deal better

 than you do4    ,do not allow your love
 for one woman to prevent your paying   
attention  to others4 ,the object of    
your love is the only one who ought to  
perceive it4    ,a little pride1 which  
reminds you what is due to yourself1 and
 a little  good nature1 which suggests  
what is due to others1 are the          
pre-requisites for the moral            
constitution of a gentleman4    ,too    
much vivacity and too much inertness are
 both fatal to politeness4  ,by the     
former we are hurried too far1 by the   
latter we are kept too  much back4      
,nil admirari1 the precept of stoicism1 
is the precept for conduct  among       
gentlemen4 ,all excitement must be      
studiously avoided4 ,when you  are with 
ladies the case is different4 ,among    
them1 wonder1  astonishment1 ecstacy1   
and enthusiasm1 are necessary in order  
to be  believed4    ,never dispute in   
the presence of other persons4 ,if a man
 states an  opinion which you cannot    
adopt1 say nothing4 ,if he states a fact

 which  is of little importance1 you may
 carelessly assent4 ,when you differ let
  it be indirectly2 rather a want of    
assent than actual dissent4    ,if you  
wish to inquire about anything1 do not  
do it by asking a  question2 but        
introduce the subject1 and give the     
person an opportunity  of saying as much
 as he finds it agreeable to impart4 ,do
 not even say1  8,how is your brother   
to-day80 but 8,i hope your brother is   
quite well40    ,never ask a lady a     
question about anything whatever4    ,it
 is a point of courtly etiquette which  
is observed rigorously by  every one who
 draws nigh1 that a question must never 
be put to a king4    ,never ask a       
question about the price of a thing4    
,this horrible error is  often committed
 by a nouveau riche4    ,if you have    
accepted an invitation to a party never 
fail to keep your  promise4 ,it is cruel
 to the lady of the house to accept1 and
 then send  an apology at the last      
moment4 ,especially do not break your   

word on  account of bad weather4 ,you   
may be certain that many others will1   
and  the inciter will be mortified by   
the paucity of her guests4 ,a cloak and 
a carriage will secure you from all     
inconvenience1 and you will be          
conferring a real benefit4              
,,chapter ,v4  ,,the ,,entrance ,,into  
,,society4      ,women1 particularly    
women a little on the decline1 are those
 who make  the reputation of a young    
man4 ,when the lustre of their          
distinction  begins to fade1 a slight   
feeling of less wonted leisure1 perhaps 
a  little spite1 makes them observe     
attentively those who surround them4    
,eager to gain new admirers1 they       
encourage the first steps of a  debutant
 in the career of society1 and exert    
themselves to fit him to  do honour to  
their patronage4    ,a young man1       
therefore1 in entering the world1 cannot
 be too attentive  to conciliate the    
goodwill of women4 ,their approbation   
and support will  serve him instead of a

 thousand good qualities4 ,their        
judgment  dispenses with fortune1       
talent1 and even intelligence4 8,les    
hommes font  les lois3 les femmes font  
les reputations40    ,the desire of     
pleasing is1 of course1 the basis of    
social connexion4  ,persons who enter   
society with the intention of producing 
an effect1  and of being distinguished1 
however clever they may be1 are never   
agreeable4 ,they are always tiresome1   
and often ridiculous4 ,persons1 who     
enter life with such pretensions1 have  
no opportunity for improving  themselves
 and profiting by experience4 ,they are 
not in a proper state  to observe3      
indeed1 they look only for the effect   
which they produce1  and with that they 
are not often gratified4 ,they thrust   
themselves into  all conversations1     
indulge in continual anecdotes1 which   
are varied  only by dull disquisitions1 
listen to others with impatience and    
heedlessness1 and are angry that they   
seem to be attending to  themselves4    

,such men go through scenes of pleasure1
 enjoying nothing4  ,they are equally   
disagreeable to themselves and others4  
,young men  should1 therefore1 content  
themselves with being natural4 ,let them
  present themselves with a modest      
assurance3 let them observe1 hear1 and  
examine1 and before long they will rival
 their models4    ,the conversation of  
those women who are not the most        
lavishly supplied  with personal beauty1
 will be of the most advantage to the   
young  aspirant4 ,such persons have     
cultivated their manners and            
conversation  more than those who can   
rely upon their natural endowments4 ,the
 absence  of pride and pretension has   
improved their good nature and their    
affability4 ,they are not too much      
occupied in contemplating their own     
charms1 to be disposed to indulge in    
gentle criticism on others4 ,one        
acquires from them an elegance in one's 
manners as well as one's  expressions4  
,their kindness pardons every error1 and

 to instruct or  reprove1 their acts are
 so delicate that the lesson which they 
give1  always without offending1 is sure
 to be profitable1 though it may be     
often unperceived4    ,women observe all
 the delicacies of propriety in manners1
 and all the  shades of impropriety1    
much better than men2 not only because  
they  attend to them earlier and longer1
 but because their perceptions are  more
 refined than those of the other sex1   
who are habitually employed  about      
greater things4 ,women divine1 rather   
than arrive at1 proper  conclusions4    
,the whims and caprices of women in     
society should of course be  tolerated  
by men1 who themselves require          
toleration for greater  inconveniences4 
,but this must not be carried too far4  
,there are certain  limits to empire    
which1 if they themselves forget1 should
 be pointed  out to them with delicacy  
and politeness4 ,you should be the slave
 of  women1 but not of all their        
fancies4    ,compliment is the language 

of intercourse from men to women4 ,but  
be  careful to avoid elaborate and      
common-place forms of gallant speech4   
,do  not strive to make those long      
eulogies on a woman1 which have the     
regularity and nice dependency of a     
proposition in ,euclid1 and might be    
fittingly concluded by ,q4 ,e4 ,d4 ,do  
not be always undervaluing her rival  in
 a woman's presence1 nor mistaking a    
woman's daughter for her sister4  ,these
 antiquated and exploded attempts denote
 a person who has learned  the world    
more from books than men4    ,the       
quality which a young man should most   
affect in intercourse with  gentlemen1  
is a decent modesty3 but he must avoid  
all bashfulness or  timidity4 ,his      
flights must not go too far2 but1 so far
 as they go1 let  them be marked by     
perfect assurance4    ,among persons who
 are much your seniors behave with the  
utmost  respectful deference4 ,as they  
find themselves sliding out of          
importance  they may be easily          

conciliated by a little respect4    ,by 
far the most important thing to be      
attended to1 is ease of manner4  ,grace 
may be added afterwards1 or be omitted  
altogether3 it is of much  less moment  
than is commonly believed4 ,perfect     
propriety and entire  ease are          
sufficient qualifications for standing  
in society1 and  abundant prerequisites 
for distinction4    ,there is the most  
delicate shade of difference between    
civility and  intrusiveness1 familiarity
 and common-place1 pleasantry and       
sharpness1  the natural and the rude1   
gaiety and carelessness2 hence the      
inconveniences of society1 and the      
errors of its members4 ,to define  well 
in conduct these distinctions1 is the   
great art of a man of the  world4 ,it is
 easy to know what to do2 the difficulty
 is to know what to  avoid4    ,long    
usage--a sort of moral magnetism1 a tact
 acquired by frequent and  long         
associating with others--alone give     
those qualities which keep one  always  

from error1 and entitle him to the name 
of a thorough gentleman4    ,a young man
 upon first entering into society should
 select those  persons who are most     
celebrated for the propriety and        
elegance of their  manners4 ,he should  
frequent their company and imitate their
 conduct4  ,there is a disposition      
inherent1 in all1 which has been noticed
 by  ,horace and by ,dr4 ,johnson1 to   
imitate faults1 because they are more   
readily observed and more easily        
followed4 ,there are1 also1 many        
foibles of manner and many refinements  
of affectation1 which sit  agreeably    
upon one man1 which if adopted by       
another would become  unpleasant4 ,there
 are even some excellences of deportment
 which would  not suit another whose    
character is different4 ,for successful 
imitation  in anything1 good sense is   
indispensable4 ,it is requisite         
correctly to  appreciate the natural    
differences between your model and      
yourself1 and  to introduce such        

modifications in the copy as may be     
consistent with  it4    ,let not any man
 imagine1 that he shall easily acquire  
these qualities  which will constitute  
him a gentleman4 ,it is necessary not   
only to  exert the highest degree of    
art1 but to attain also that higher     
accomplishment of concealing art4 ,the  
serene and elevated dignity which  mark 
that character1 are the result of       
untiring and arduous effort4  ,after the
 sculpture has attained the shape of    
propriety1 it remains to  smooth off all
 the marks of the chisel4 8,a           
gentleman10 says a  celebrated ,french  
author1 8is one who has reflected deeply
 upon all the  obligations which belong 
to his station1 and who has applied     
himself  ardently to fulfil them with   
grace40    ,polite without importunity1 
gallant without being offensive1        
attentive  to the comfort of all2       
employing a well-regulated kindness1    
witty at  the proper times1 discreet1   
indulgent1 generous1 he exercises1 in   

his  sphere1 a high degree of moral     
authority2 he it is1 and he alone1 that 
one should imitate4          ,,chapter  
,,vi4  ,,letters4      ,always remember 
that the terms of compliment at the     
close of a  letter--8,i have the honour 
to be your very obedient servant10 etc4 
are  merely forms--8signifying nothing40
 ,do not therefore avoid them on        
account of pride1 or a dislike to the   
person addressed4 ,do not presume1  as  
some do1 to found expectations of favour
 or promotion from great men  who       
profess themselves your obliged servant4
    ,in writing a letter of business it 
is extremely vulgar to use satin or     
glazed gold-edged paper4 ,always employ1
 on such occasions1 plain  ,american    
paper4 ,place the date at the top of the
 page1 and if you  please1 the name of  
the person at the top also1 just above  
the #8,sir2'  though this last is       
indifferent4    ,in letters to gentlemen
 always place the date at the end of the
 letter1  below his name4 ,use the best 

paper1 but not figured1 and never fail  
to  enclose it in an envelope4          
,attention to these matters is          
indispensable4    ,to a person whom you 
do not know well1 say ,sir1 not #8,dear 
,sir4' ,it  formerly was usual in       
writing to a distinguished man to employ
 the form  #8,respected ,sir1' or       
something of the kind4 ,this is now out 
of fashion4    ,there are a great many  
forms observed by the ,french in their  
letters1  which are necessary to be     
known before addressing one of that     
nation4  ,you will find them in their   
books upon such subjects1 or learn them 
from your ,french master4 ,one custom of
 theirs is worthy of adoption  among us3
 to proportion the distance between the 
#8,sir' and the first  line of the      
letter1 to the rank of the person to    
whom you write4 ,among  the ,french to  
neglect attending to this would give    
mortal offence4 ,it  obtains also in    
other ,european nations4 ,when the ,duke
 of ,buckingham was  at the court of    

,spain1 some letters passed between the 
,spanish minister  ,olivez and          
himself1--the two proudest men on earth4
 ,the ,spaniard wrote a  letter to the  
,englishman1 and put the #8,monsieur' on
 a line with the  beginning of his      
letter4 ,the other1 in his reply1 placed
 the #8,monsieur'  a little below it4   
,a note of invitation or reply is always
 to be enclosed in an envelope4         
,wafers are now entirely exploded4 ,a   
letter of business is sealed with  red  
wax1 and marked with some common stamp4 
,letters to gentlemen demand  red wax   
sealed with your arms4 ,in notes to     
ladies employ coloured wax1  but not    
perfumed4          ,,chapter ,,vii4     
,,visits4      ,of visits there are     
various sorts2 visits of congratulation1
 visits of  condolence1 visits of       
ceremony1 visits of friendship4 ,to each
 belong  different customs4    ,a visit 
and an insult must be always returned4  
,visits of ceremony should be very      
short4 ,go at some time when business   

demands the employment of every moment4 
,in visits of friendship adopt a        
different course4    ,if you call to see
 an acquaintance at lodgings1 and cannot
 find any one  to announce you1 you     
knock very lightly at the door1 and wait
 some time  before entering4 ,if you are
 in too great a hurry1 you might find   
the  person drawing off a night-cap4    
,respectable visitors should be received
 and treated with the utmost  courtesy4 
,but if a tiresome fellow1 after        
wearying all his friends1  becomes weary
 of himself1 and arrives to bestow his  
tediousness upon  you1 pull out your    
watch with restlessness1 talk about your
 great  occupations and the value of    
time4 ,politeness is one thing2 to be   
made  a convenience of is another4      
,the style of your conversation should  
always be in keeping with the  character
 of the visit4 ,you must not talk about 
literature in a visit  of condolence1   
nor about political economy in a visit  
of ceremony4    ,when a lady visits you1

 upon her retiring1 you offer her your  
arm1 and  conduct her to her carriage4  
,if you are visiting at the same time   
with  another lady1 you should take     
leave at the same time1 and hand her    
into  her carriage4    ,after a hall1 a 
dinner1 or a concert1 you visit during  
the week4    ,pay the first visit to a  
friend just returned from a voyage4     
,annual visits are paid to persons with 
whom you have a cool  acquaintance1     
,they visit you in the autumn1 you      
return a card in the  spring4    ,in    
paying a visit under ordinary           
circumstances1 you leave a single  card4
 ,if there be residing in the family1 a 
married daughter1 an  unmarried sister1 
a transient guest1 or any person in a   
distinct  situation from the mistress of
 the house1 you leave two cards1 one for
  each party4 ,if you are acquainted    
with only one member of a family1 as    
the husband1 or the wife1 and you wish  
to indicate that your visit is  to both1
 you leave two cards4 ,ladies have a    

fashion of pinching down  one corner of 
a card to denote that the visit is to   
only one of two  parties in a house1 and
 two corners1 or one side of the card1  
when the  visit is to both2 but this is 
a transient mode1 and of dubious        
respectability4    ,if1 in paying a     
morning visit1 you are not recognized   
when you enter1  mention your name      
immediately4 ,if you call to visit one  
member1 and you  find others only in the
 parlour1 introduce yourself to them4   
,much  awkwardness may occur through    
defect of attention to this point4      
,when a gentleman is about to be        
married1 he sends cards1 a day or two   
before the event1 to all whom he is in  
the habit of visiting4 ,these  visits   
are never paid in person1 but the cards 
sent by a servant1 at  any hour in the  
morning2 or the gentleman goes in a     
carriage1 and sends  them in4 ,after    
marriage1 some day is appointed and made
 known to all1  as the day on which he  
receives company4 ,his friends then all 

call upon  him4 ,would that this also   
were performed by cards6                
,,chapter ,,viii4  ,,appointments ,,and 
,,punctuality4      ,when you make an   
appointment1 always be exact in         
observing it4 ,in some  places1 and on  
some occasions1 a quarter of an hour's  
grace is given4  ,this depends on       
custom1 and it is always better not to  
avail yourself  of it4 ,in ,philadelphia
 it is necessary to be punctual to a    
second1 for  there everybody breathes by
 the ,state-house clock ,if you make an 
appointment to meet anywhere1 your body 
must be in a right line with  the frame 
of the door at the instant the first    
stroke of the great  clock sounds4 ,if  
you are a moment later1 your character  
is gone4 ,it is  useless to plead the   
evidence of your watch1 or detention by 
a friend4  ,you read your condemnation  
in the action of the old fellows who1   
with  polite regard to your feelings1   
simultaneously pull out their vast      
chronometers1 as you enter4 ,the tardy  

man is worse off than the  murderer4 ,he
 may be pardoned by one person1 7the    
,governor72 the  unpunctual is pardoned 
by none4 ,haud inexpectus loquor4    ,if
 you make an appointment with another at
 your own house1 you should  be         
invisible to the rest of the world1 and 
consecrate your time solely  to him4    
,if you make an appointment with a lady1
 especially if it be upon a  promenade1 
or other public place1 you must be there
 a little before the  time4    ,if you  
accept an appointment at the house of a 
public officer1 or a man  of business1  
be very punctual1 transact the affair   
with despatch1 and  retire the moment it
 is finished4          ,,chapter ,,ix4  
,,dinner4      ,the hour of dinner has  
been said1 by ,dr4 ,johnson1 to be the  
most  important hour in civilized life4 
,the etiquette of the dinner-table has  
a prominence commensurate with the      
dignity of the ceremony4 ,like the      
historian of ,peter ,bell1 we commence  
at the commencement1 and thence  proceed

 to the moment when you take leave      
officially1 or vanish unseen4    ,in    
order to dine1 the first requisite      
is--to be invited4 ,the length of  time 
which the invitation precedes the dinner
 is always proportioned to  the grandeur
 of the occasion1 and varies from two   
days to two weeks4 ,to  an invitation   
received less than two days in advance1 
you will lose  little by replying in the
 negative1 for as it was probably sent  
as soon  as the preparations of the host
 commenced1 you may be sure that there  
will be little on the table fit to eat4 
,those abominations1 y'clept  8plain    
family dinners10 eschew like the plague4
    ,you reply to a note of invitation  
immediately1 and in the most direct  and
 unequivocal terms4 ,if you accept1 you 
arrive at the house  rigorously at the  
hour specified4 ,it is equally          
inconvenient to be too  late and to be  
too early4 ,if you fall into the latter 
error1 you find  every thing in         
disorder2 the master of the house is in 

his  dressing-room1 changing his        
waistcoat2 the lady is still in the     
pantry2  the fire not yet lighted in the
 parlour4 ,if by accident or            
thoughtlessness you arrive too soon1 you
 may pretend that you called to  inquire
 the exact hour at which they dine1     
having mislaid the note1 and  then      
retire to walk for an appetite4 ,if you 
are too late1 the evil is  still        
greater1 and indeed almost without a    
remedy4 ,your delay spoils  the dinner  
and destroys the appetite and temper of 
the guests2 and you  yourself are so    
much embarrassed at the inconvenience   
you have  occasioned1 that you commit a 
thousand errors at table4 ,if you do not
  reach the house until dinner is       
served1 you had better retire to a      
restaurateurs1 and thence send an       
apology1 and not interrupt the  harmony 
of the courses by awkward excuses and   
cold acceptances4    ,when the guests   
have all entered1 and been presented to 
one another1 if  any delay occurs1 the  

conversation should be of the lightest  
and least  exciting kind2 mere          
common-places about the weather and late
 arrivals4  ,you should not amuse the   
company by animated relations of one    
person  who has just cut his throat from
 ear to ear1 or of another who1 the     
evening before1 was choked by a tough   
beef-steak and was buried that  morning4
    ,when dinner is announced1 the      
inviter rises and requests all to walk  
to  the dining-room4 ,he then leads the 
way1 that they may not be at a loss  to 
know whither they should proceed4 ,each 
gentleman offers his arm to a  lady1 and
 they follow in solemn order4    ,the   
great distinction now becomes evident   
between the host and the  guests1 which 
distinction it is the chief effort of   
good breeding to  remove4 ,to perform   
faultlessly the honours of the table1 is
 one of the  most difficult things in   
society3 it might indeed be asserted    
without  much fear of contradiction1    
that no man has as yet ever reached     

exact  propriety in his office as host1 
has hit the mean between exerting       
himself too much and too little4 ,his   
great business is to put every one      
entirely at his ease1 to gratify all his
 desires1 and make him1 in a  word1     
absolutely contented with men and       
things4 ,to accomplish this1 he  must   
have the genius of tact to perceive1 and
 the genius of finesse to  execute2 ease
 and frankness of manner2 a knowledge of
 the world that  nothing can surprise2 a
 calmness of temper that nothing can    
disturb1  and a kindness of disposition 
that can never be exhausted4 ,when he   
receives others1 he must be content to  
forget himself2 he must  relinquish all 
desire to shine1 and even all attempts  
to please his  guests by conversation1  
and rather1 do all in his power to let  
them  please one another4 ,he behaves to
 them without agitation1 without        
affectation2 he pays attention without  
an air of protection2 he  encourages the
 timid1 draws out the silent1 and       

directs conversation  without           
,sustaining it himself4 ,he who does not
 do all this1 is wanting  in his duty as
 host2 he who does1 is more than mortal4
    ,when all are seated1 the gentleman 
at the head of the table sends soup  to 
every one1 from the pile of plates which
 stand at his right hand4 ,he  helps the
 person at his right hand first1 and at 
his left next1 and so  through the      
whole4    ,there are an immensity of    
petty usages at the dinner table1 such  
as  those mentioned in the story of the 
,abb ,delille and the ,abb ,cosson in   
the ,introduction to this volume1 which 
it would be trifling and tedious  to    
enumerate hers1 and which will be       
learned by an observing man after       
assisting at two or three dinners4      
,you should never ask a gentleman or    
lady at the table to help you to  any   
thing1 but always apply to the servants4
    ,your first duty at the table is to 
attend to the wants of the lady who     
sits next to you1 the second1 to attend 

to your own4 ,in performing the  first1 
you should take care that the lady has  
all that she wishes1 yet  without       
appearing to direct your attention too  
much to her plate1 for  nothing is more 
ill-bred than to watch a person eating4 
,if the lady be  something of a         
gourmande1 and in ever-zealous pursuit  
of the aroma of  the wing of a pigeon1  
should raise an unmanageable portion to 
her  mouth1 you should cease all        
conversation with her1 and look         
steadfastly  into the opposite part of  
the room4    ,in ,france1 a dish1 after 
having been placed upon the table for   
approval1 is removed by the servants1   
and carved at a sideboard1 and  after4  
wards handed to each in succession4     
,this is extremely  convenient1 and     
worthy of acceptation in this country4  
,but  unfortunately it does not as yet  
prevail here4 ,carving therefore        
becomes an indispensable branch of a    
gentleman's education4 ,you should  no  
more think of going to a dinner without 

a knowledge of this art1  than you      
should think of going without your      
shoes4 ,the gentleman of the  house     
selects the various dishes in the order 
in which they should be  cut1 and       
invites some particular one to perform  
the office4 ,it is  excessively awkward 
to be obliged to decline1 yet it is a   
thing too  often occurring in1his       
country4 ,when you carve1 you should    
never rise  from your seat4    ,some    
persons1 in helping their guests1 or    
recommending dishes to their  taste1    
preface every such action with an eulogy
 on its merits1 and draw  every bottle  
of wine with an account of its virtues4 
,others1 running  into the contrary     
extreme1 regret or fear that each dish  
is not exactly  as it should be2 that   
the cook1 etc41 etc4 ,both of these     
habits are  grievous errors4 ,you should
 leave it to your guests alone to       
approve1  or suffer one of your intimate
 friends who is present1 to vaunt your  
wine4 ,when you draw a bottle1 merely   

state its age and brand1 and of  what   
particular vintage it is4    ,do not    
insist upon your guests partaking of    
particular dishes1 never  ask persons   
more than once1 and never put anything  
by force upon their  plates4 ,it is     
extremely ill-bred1 though extremely    
common1 to press  one to eat of         
anything4 ,you should do all that you   
can to make your  guests feel themselves
 at home1 which they never can do while 
you are  so constantly forcing upon     
their minds the recollection of the     
difference between yourself and them4   
,you should never send away your  own   
plate until all your guests have        
finished4    ,before the cloth is       
removed you do not drink wine unless    
with another4  ,if you are asked to take
 wine it is uncivil to refuse4 ,when you
 drink  with another1 you catch the     
person's eye and bow with politeness4   
,it is  not necessary to say anything1  
but smile with an air of great kindness4
    ,some one who sits near the lady of 

the house1 should1 immediately upon  the
 removal of the soup1 request the honor 
of drinking wine with her1  which       
movement is the signal for all the      
others4 ,if this is not done1  the      
master of the house should select some  
lady4 ,he never asks  gentlemen1 but    
they ask him2 this is a refined custom1 
attended to in  the best company4    ,if
 you have drunk with every one at the   
table1 and wish more wine1 you  must    
wait till the cloth is removed4 ,the    
decanter is then sent round  from the   
head of the table1 each person fills his
 glass1 and all the  company drinks the 
,health of all the company4 ,it is      
enough if you bow  to the master and    
mistress of the house1 and to your      
opposite  neighbour4 ,after this the    
ladies retire4 ,some one rises to open  
the  door for them1 and they go into the
 parlour1 the gentlemen remaining to    
drink more wine4    ,after the ladies   
have retired1 the service of the        
decanters is done4  ,the host draws the 

bottles which have been standing in a   
wine cooler  since the commencement of  
the dinner4 ,the bottle goes down the   
left  side and up the right1 and the    
same bottle never passes twice4 ,if you 
do not drink1 always pass the bottle to 
your neighbour4    ,at dinner never call
 for ale or porter2 it is coarse1 and   
injures the  taste for wine4    ,it was 
formerly the custom to drink porter with
 cheese4 ,one of the  few real          
improvements introduced by the          
8,napoleon of the realms of  fashion0   
was to banish this tavern liquor and    
substitute port4 ,the  dictum of        
,brummell was thus enunciated3 8,a      
gentleman never malts1 he  ports40    ,a
 gentleman should always express his    
preference for some one sort of  wine   
over others2 because1 as there is always
 a natural preference for  one kind1 if 
you say that you are indifferent1 you   
show that you are  not accustomed to    
drink wines4 ,your preference should not
 of course be  guided by your real      

disposition2 if you are afflicted by    
nature with a  partiality for port1 you 
should never think of indulging it      
except in  your closet with your        
chamber-door locked4 ,the only index of 
choice is  fashion2--either permanent   
fashion 7if the phrase may be used71 or 
some  temporary fashion created by the  
custom of any individual who happens  to
 rule for a season in society4 ,port was
 drunk by our ancestors1 but  ,george   
the ,fourth1 upon his accession to the  
regency1 announced his  royal preference
 for sherry4 ,it has since been         
fashionable to like  sherry4 ,this is   
what we call a permanent fashion4       
,champagne wine is drunk after the      
removal of the first cloth2 that is  to 
say1 between the meats and the dessert4 
,one servant goes round and  places     
before each guest a proper-shaped glass2
 another follows and  fills them1 and   
they are immediately drunk4 ,sometimes  
this is done  twice in succession4 ,the 
bottle does not again make its          

appearance1 and  it would excite a stare
 to ask at a later period for a glass of
  champagne wine4    ,if you should     
happen to be blessed with those rely    
nuisances1 children1  and should be     
entertaining company1 never allow them  
to be brought in  after dinner1 unless  
they are particularly asked for1 and    
even then it  is better to say they are 
at school4 ,some persons1 with the      
intention  of paying their court to the 
father1 express great desire to see the 
sons2 but they should have some mercy   
upon the rest of the party1             
particularly as they know that they     
themselves would be the most  disturbed 
of all1 if their urgent entreaty was    
granted4    ,never at any time1 whether 
at a formal or a familiar dinner party1 
commit the impropriety of talking to a  
servant3 nor ever address any  remark   
about one of them to one of the party4  
,nothing can be more  ill-bred4 ,you    
merely ask for what you want in a grave 
and civil tone1  and wait with patience 

till your order is obeyed4    ,it is a  
piece of refined coarseness to employ   
the fingers instead of  the fork to     
effect certain operations at the dinner 
table1 and on some  other similar       
occasions4 ,to know how and when to     
follow the fashion of  ,eden1 and when  
that of more civilized life1 is one of  
the many points  which distinguish a    
gentleman from one not a gentleman2 or  
rather1 in  this case1 which shows the  
difference between a man of the world1  
and  one who has not 8the tune of the   
time4099 ,cardinal ,richelieu detected  
an  adventurer who passed himself off   
for a nobleman1 by his helping  himself 
to olives with a fork4 ,he might have   
applied the test to a vast  many other  
things4 ,yet1 on the other hand1 a      
gentleman would lose his  reputation1 if
 he were to take up a piece of sugar    
with his fingers and  not with the      
sugar-tongs4    99 ,shakspeare      ,it 
is of course needless to say that your  
own knife should never be  brought near 

to the butter1 or salt1 or to a dish of 
any kind4 ,if1  however1 a gentleman    
should send his plate for anything near 
you1 and a  knife cannot be obtained    
immediately1 you may skillfully avoid   
all  censure by using his knife to      
procure it4    ,when you send your plate
 for anything1 you leave your knife and 
fork  upon it1 crossed4 ,when you have  
done1 you lay both in parallel lines on 
one side4 ,a render who occupies himself
 about greater matters1 may  smile at   
this precept4 ,it may1 indeed1 be very  
absurd1 yet such is the  tyranny of     
custom1 that if you were to cross your  
knife and fork when  you have finished1 
the most reasonable and strong-minded   
man at the  table could not help setting
 you down1 in his own mind1 as a        
low-bred  person4 ,magis sequor quam    
probo4    ,the chief matter of          
consideration at the dinner table1 as   
indeed  everywhere else in the life of a
 gentleman1 is to be perfectly composed 
and at his ease4 ,he speaks             

deliberately1 he performs the most      
important  act of the day as if he were 
performing the most ordinary4 ,yet there
 is  no appearance of trifling or want  
of gravity in his manner2 he  maintains 
the dignity which is becoming on so     
vital an occasion4 ,he  performs all the
 ceremonies1 yet in the style of one who
 performs no  ceremony at all4 ,he goes 
through all the complicated duties of   
the  scene1 as if he were 8to the manner
 born40    ,some persons1 who cannot    
draw the nice distinction between too   
much and  too little1 desiring to be    
particularly respectable1 make a point  
of  appearing unconcerned and quite     
indifferent to enjoyment at dinner4     
,such conduct not only exhibits a want  
of sense and a profane levity1  but is  
in the highest degree rude to your      
obliging host4 ,he has taken a  great   
deal of trouble to give you pleasure1   
and it is your business to  be1 or at   
least to appear1 pleased4 ,it is one    
thing1 indeed1 to stare  and wonder1 and

 to ask for all the delicacies on the   
table in the style  of a person who had 
lived all his life behind a counter1 but
 it is  quite another to throw into your
 manner the spirit and gratified air of 
a man who is indeed not unused to such  
matters1 but who yet esteems  them at   
their fall value4    ,when the ,duke of 
,wellington was at ,paris1 as commander 
of the allied  armies1 he was invited to
 dine with ,cambaceres1 one of the most 
distinguished statesmen and gourmands of
 the time of ,napoleon4 ,in the  course 
of the dinner1 his host having helped   
him to some particularly  recherch dish1
 expressed a hope that he found it      
agreeable4 8,very  good10 said the hero 
of ,waterloo1 who was probably          
speculating upon  what he would have    
done if ,blucher had not come up3 8,very
 good2 but ,i  really do not care what  
,i eat40 8,good ,god60 exclaimed        
,cambaceres1--as he  started back and   
dropped his fork1 quite 8frighted from  
his  propriety10--8,don't care what you 

eat6 ,what did you come here for1       
then80    ,after the wine is finished1  
you retire to the drawing-room1 where   
the  ladies are assembled2 the master of
 the house rising first from the  table1
 but going out of the room last4 ,if you
 wish to go before this1  you must      
vanish unseen4    ,we conclude this     
chapter by a word of important counsel  
to the  host3--,never make an apology4  
,,chapter ,x4  ,,travelling4      ,it is
 an extremely difficult affair to travel
 in a coach1 with perfect  propriety4   
,ten to one the person next to you is an
 ,english nobleman  incognito2 and a    
hundred to one1 the man opposite to you 
is a brute  or a knave4 ,to behave so   
that you may not be uncivil to the one1 
nor a  dupe to the other1 is an art of  
some niceness4    ,as the seats are     
assigned to passengers in the order in  
which they are  booked1 you should send 
to have your place taken a day or two   
before  the journey1 so that you may be 
certain of a back seat4 ,it is also     

advisable to arrive at the place of     
departure early1 so that you assume     
your place without dispute4    ,when    
women appear at the door of the coach to
 obtain admittance1 it is  a matter of  
some question to know exactly what      
conduct it is necessary  to pursue4 ,if 
the women are servants1 or persons in a 
low rank of life1  ,i do not see upon   
what ground of politeness or decency you
 are called  upon to yield your seat4   
,etiquette1 and the deference due to    
ladies  have1 of course1 no operation in
 the case of such persons4              
,chivalry--7and the gentleman is the    
legitimate descendant of the knight  of 
old7--was ever a devotion to rank rather
 than to sex4 ,don ,quixotte1  or ,sir  
,piercy ,shafestone would not willingly 
have given place to  servant girls4 ,and
 upon considerations of humanity and    
regard to  weakness1 the case is no     
stronger4 ,such people have nerves      
considerably  more robust than you have1
 and are quite as capable of riding     

backwards1 or the top1 as yourself4 ,the
 only reason for politeness in  the case
 is1 that perhaps the other passengers  
are of the same standing  with the      
women1 and might eject you from the     
window if you refuse to  give place4    
,if ladies enter--and a gentleman       
distinguishes them in an instant--the   
case is altered4 ,the sooner you move   
the better is it for yourself1  since   
the rest will in the end have to        
concede1 and you will give  yourself a  
reputation among the party and secure a 
better seat1 by  rising at once4    ,the
 principle that guides you in society is
 politeness2 that which  guides you in a
 coach is good humour4 ,you lay aside   
all attention to  form1 and all strife  
after effect1 and take instead1 kindness
 of  disposition and a willingness to   
please4 ,you pay a constant regard to   
the comfort of your4 fellow-prisoners4  
,you take care not to lean upon  the    
shoulder of your neighbour when you     
sleep4 ,you are attentive not to  make  

the stage wait for you at the           
stopping-places4 ,when the ladies get   
out1 you offer them your arm1 and you do
 the same when the coachman is  driving 
rapidly over a rough place4 ,you should 
make all the  accommodations to others1 
which you can do consistently with your 
own  convenience2 for1 after all1 the   
individuals are each like little        
nations2 and as1 in the one case1 the   
first duty is to your country1 so  in   
the other1 the first duty is to         
yourself4    ,some surly creatures1 upon
 entering a coach1 wrap about their     
persons a  great coat of cloth1 and     
about their minds a mantle of silence1  
which  are not thrown off during the    
whole journey4 ,this is doing more harm 
to  themselves than to others4 ,you     
should make a point of conversing with  
an appearance of entire freedom1 though 
with real reserve1 with all  those who  
are so disposed4    ,one purpose and    
pleasure of travelling is to gain       
information1 and to  observe the various

 characters of persons4 ,you will be    
asked by others  about the road you     
passed over1 and it will be awkward if  
you can give  no account of it4         
,converse1 therefore1 with all4 ,relate 
amusing  stories1 chiefly of other      
countries1 and even of other times1 so  
as not  to offend any one4 ,if engaged  
in discussion--and a coach is almost the
  only place where discussion should not
 be avoided--state facts and  arguments 
rather than opinions4 ,never answer     
impudent questions-and  never ask them4 
,at the meals which occur during a      
journey1 you see beautiful              
exemplification of the dictum of        
,hobbes1 8that war is the natural  state
 of man40 ,the entire scene is one of   
unintermitted war of every  person with 
every other person1 with the viands1 and
 with good manners4  ,you open your     
mouth only to admit edibles and to      
bellow to the waiters4  ,your sole      
object is yourself4 ,you drink wine     
without asking your  neighbour to join  

you2 and if he should be so silly as to 
ask you to  hand him some specified     
dish1 you blandly comply2 but in the    
passage to  him1 you transfer the whole 
of its contents to your own plate4      
,there is  no halving in these matters4 
,rapacity1 roaring1 and rapidity are the
  three requisites for dining during a  
journey4 ,when you have resumed  your   
seat in the coach1 you are as bland as a
 morning in spring4    ,never assume any
 unreal importance in a stage-coach1    
founded on the  ignorance of your       
fellows1 and their inability to detect  
it4 ,it is  excessively absurd1 and can 
only gratify a momentary and foolish    
vanity2 for1 whenever you might make use
 of your importance1 you would  probably
 be at once discovered4 ,there is an    
admirable paper upon this  point in one 
of ,johnson's ,adventurers4    ,the     
friendship which has subsisted between  
travellers terminates with  the journey4
 ,when you get out1 a word1 a bow1 and  
the most unpleasant  act of life is     

finished and forgotten4                 
,,chapter ,,xi4  ,,balls4               
,invitations to a ball should be issued 
at least ten days in advance1 in  order 
to give an opportunity to the men to    
clear away engagements2 and  to women1  
time to prepare the artillery of their  
toilet4 ,cards of  invitation should be 
sent--not notes4    ,upon the entrance  
of ladies1 or persons entitled to       
deference1 the  master of the house     
precedes them across the room3 he       
addresses  compliments to them1 and will
 lose his life to procure them seats4   
,while dancing with a lady whom you have
 never seen before1 you should  not talk
 to her much4    ,the master of the     
ceremonies must take care that every    
lady dances1 and  press into service for
 that purpose these young gentlemen who 
are  hanging round the room like        
fossils4 ,if desired by him to dance    
with a  particular lady you should      
refuse on no account4    ,if you have no
 ear1 that is1 a false one1 never dance4

    ,to usurp the seat of a person who  
is dancing is the height of  incivility4
    ,never go to a public ball4         
,,chapter ,,xii4  ,,funerals4      ,when
 any member of a family is dead1 it is  
customary to send  intelligence of the  
misfortune to all who have been         
connected with the  deceased in         
relations of business or friendship4    
,the letters which are  sent contain a  
special invitation to assist at the     
funeral4    ,an invitation of this sort 
should never be refused1 though1 of     
course1  you do not send a reply1 for no
 other reason that ,i know of1 excepting
  the impossibility of framing any      
formula of acceptance4    ,you render   
yourself at the house an hour or two    
after the time  specified4 ,if you were 
to sit long in the mournful circle you  
might be  rendered unfit for doing any  
thing for a week4    ,your dress is     
black1 and during the time of waiting   
you compose your  visage into a         
8tristful 'haviour10 and lean in silent 

solemnity upon  the top of your cane1   
thinking about-- last night's party4    
,this is a  necessary hypocrisy1 and    
assists marvellously the sadness of the 
ceremony4 ,you walk in a procession with
 the others1 your carriage  following in
 the street4 ,the first places are      
yielded to the relations  of the        
deceased4    ,the coffins of persons of 
distinction are carried in the hands of 
bearers1 who walk with their hats off4  
,you walk with another1 in seemly order1
 and converse in a low tone2  first upon
 the property of the defunct1 and next  
upon the politics of  the day4 ,you walk
 with the others into the church1 where 
service is  said over the body4 ,it is  
optional to go to the grave or not4     
,when you  go away1 you enter your      
carriage and return to your business or 
your  pleasures4    ,a funeral in the   
morning1 a ball in the evening1--8so    
runs the world  away40                  
,,chapter ,,xiii4  ,,servants4          
,servants are a necessary evil4 ,he who 

shall contrive to obviate their         
necessity1 or remove their              
inconveniences1 will render to human    
comfort  a greater benefit than has yet 
been conferred by all the               
useful-knowledge societies of the age4  
,they are domestic spies1 who           
continually embarrass the intercourse of
 the members of a family1 or  possess   
themselves of private information that  
renders their presence  hateful1 and    
their absence dangerous4 ,it is a rare  
thing to see persons  who are not       
controlled by their servants4 ,theirs1  
too1 is not the only  kitchen cabinet   
which begins by serving and ends by     
ruling4    ,if we judge from the        
frequency and inconvenience of an       
opposite course1  we should say that the
 most important precept to be observed  
is1 never  to be afraid of your         
servants4 ,we have known many ladies    
who1 without  any reason in the world1  
lived in a state of perfect subjugation 
to  their servants1 who were afraid to  

give a direction1 and who submitted  to 
disobedience and insult1 where no danger
 could be apprehended from  discharging 
them4    ,if a servant offends you by   
any trifling or occasional omission of  
duty1 reprove the fault with mild       
severity2 if the error be repeated      
often1 and be of a gross description1   
never hesitate1 but discharge the       
servant instantly1 without any          
altercation of language4 ,you cannot    
easily find another who will serve you  
worse4    ,as for those precautions     
which are ordinarily taken1 to secure   
the  procurence of good servants1 they  
are1 without exception1 utterly         
useless4 ,the author of the ,rambler has
 remarked1 that a written  character of 
a servant is worth about as much as a   
discharge from the  ,old ,bailey4 ,i    
never1 but once1 took any trouble to    
inquire what  reputation a servant had  
held in former situations4 ,on that     
occasion1 ,i  heard that ,i had engaged 
the very ,shakespeare of menials1--     

,aristides  was not more honest1--,zeno 
more truth-telling1--nor ,abdiel more   
faithful4  ,this fellow1 after insulting
 me daily for a week1 disappeared with  
my  watch and three pair of boots4      
,those offices which profess to         
recommend good domestics1 are           
8bosh1--nothing40 ,in nine cases out of 
ten1 the keepers are in league  with the
 servants2 and in the tenth1 ignorance1 
dishonesty1 or  carelessness will       
prevent any benefit resulting from1their
  8intelligence40 ,all that you can do  
is1 to take the most decent  creature   
who applies2 trust in ,providence1 and  
lock every thing up4    ,never speak    
harshly1 or superciliously1 or hastily  
to a servant4 ,there  are many little   
actions which distinguish1 to the eye of
 the most  careless observer1 a         
gentleman from one not a gentleman2 but 
there is  none more striking than the   
manner of addressing a servant4 ,issue  
your  commands with gravity and         
gentleness1 and in a reserved manner4   

,let  your voice be composed1 but avoid 
a tone of familiarity or sympathy  with 
them4 ,it is better in addressing them  
to use a higher key of  voice1 and not  
to suffer it to fall at the end of a    
sentence4 ,the best  bred man whom we   
ever had the pleasure of meeting1 always
 employed1 in  addressing servants1 such
 forms of speech as these--8,i'll thank 
you for  so and so10--8,such a thing1 if
 you please10--with a gentle tone1 but  
very elevated key4 ,the perfection of   
manner1 in this particular1 is1 to      
indicate by your language1 that the     
performance is a favour1 and by  your   
tone that it is a matter of course4     
,while1 however1 you practise the utmost
 mildness and forbearance in  your      
language1 avoid the dangerous and common
 error of exercising too  great humanity
 in action4 ,no servant1 from the time  
of the first  ,gibeonite downwards1 has 
ever had too much labour imposed upon   
him2  while thousands have been ruined  
by the mistaken kindness of their       

masters4    ,servants should always be  
allowed1 and indeed directed1 to go to  
church  on ,sunday afternoon4 ,for this 
purpose1 dinner is served earlier on    
that  day than usual4 ,if it can be     
accomplished1 the servants should be    
induced to attend the same church as the
 family with whom they live2  because   
there may be reason to fear that if they
 profess to go  elsewhere1 they may not 
go to church at all2 and the habit of   
wandering  about the streets with       
idlers1 will speedily ruin the best     
servant that  ever stood behind a chair4
    ,servants should be directed to     
announce visitors4 ,this is always done 
abroad1 and is a convenient custom4     
,never allow a female servant to enter a
 parlour4 ,if all the male  domestics   
are gone out1 it is better that there   
should be no attendance  at all4        
,some ladies are in the habit of amusing
 their friends with accounts of  the    
difficulty of getting good servants1    
etc4 ,this denotes decided ill          

breeding4 ,such subjects should never be
 made topics of conversation4    ,if a  
servant offends you by any grossness of 
conduct1 never rebuke the  offence upon 
the spot1 nor indeed notice it at all at
 the time2 for you  cannot do it without
 anger1 and without giving rise to a    
scene4  ,prince ,puckler ,muskaw was1   
very properly1 turned out of the        
,travellers'  ,club for throwing a fork 
at one of the waiters4    ,in the house 
of another1 or when there is any company
 present in your  own1 never converse   
with the servants4 ,this most vulgar1   
but not  uncommon1 habit1 is judiciously
 censured in that best of novels1--the  
,zeluco of ,dr4 ,moore4                 
,,chapter ,,xiv4  ,,fashion4            
,fashion is a tyranny founded only on   
assumption4 ,the principle upon  which  
its influence rests1 is one deeply based
 in the human heart1 and  one which has 
long been observed and long practised   
upon in every  department of life4 ,in  
the literary1 the religious1 and the    

political  world1 it has been an assured
 and very profitable conclusion1 that   
the  public1    8,like women1 born to be
 controlled1  ,stoops to the forward and
 the bold40      8,qui sibi fidit1 dux  
regit examen10 is a maxim of universal  
truth4  ,pococurante1 in ,candide1 was  
admired for despising ,homer and ,michel
  ,angelo2 he would have gained little  
distinction by praising them4 ,the      
judicious application of this rule to   
society1 is the origin of  fashion4 ,in 
despair of attaining greatness of       
quality1 it founds its  distinction only
 on peculiarity4    ,we have spoken     
elsewhere of those complex and very rare
  accomplishments1 whose union is       
requisite to constitute a gentleman4 ,we
  know of but one quality which is      
demanded for a man of                   
fashion1--impudence4 ,an impudence      
7self-confidence 8the wise it call07  as
 impenetrable as the gates of           
,pandemonium--a coolness and            
imperturbability of self-admiration1    

which the boaster in ,spencer  might    
envy--a contempt of every decency1 as   
such1 and an utter  imperviousness to   
ridicule1--these are the amiable and    
dignified  qualities which serve to rear
 an empire over the weakness and        
cowardice  of men4    ,to define the    
character of that which is changing even
 while we survey  it1 is a task of no   
small difficulty4 ,we imagine that there
 is only one  means by which it may be  
always described1 viz41 that it consists
 in an  entire avoidance of all that is 
natural and rational4 ,its essence is   
affectation2 effeminacy takes the place 
of manliness2 drawling  stupidity1 of   
wit2 stiffness and hauteur1 of ease and 
civility2 and  self-illustration1 of a  
decent and respectful regard to others4 
,a man of fashion must never allow      
himself to be pleased4 ,nothing is  more
 decidedly de mauvais ton than any      
expression of delight4 ,he must  never  
laugh1 nor1 unless his penetration is   
very great1 must he even  smile2 for he 

might by ignorance smile at the wrong   
place or time4 ,all  real emotion is to 
be avoided2 all sympathy with the great 
or the  beautiful is to be shunned2 yet 
the liveliest feeling may be exhibited  
upon the death of a poodle-dog4    ,at  
the house of an acquaintance1 he must   
never praise1 nor even look1  at the    
pictures1 the carpets1 the curtains1 or 
the ottomans1 because if  he did1 it    
might be supposed that he was not       
accustomed to such things4    ,about two
 years ago1 it began to be considered   
improper to pay  compliments to women1  
because if they are not paid gracefully 
they are  awkward1 and to pay them      
gracefully is difficult4 ,at the present
 time  it is considered dangerous to a  
man's pretensions to fashion1 in        
,england1 to speak to women at all4     
,women are voted bores1 and are to be   
treated with refined rudeness4    ,there
 is no possible system of manners that  
will serve to exhibit at  once the      
uncivility and the high refinement which

 should characterize  the man of        
fashion4 ,he must therefore have no     
manners at all4 ,he must  behave with   
tame and passive insolence1 never       
breaking into active  effrontery        
excepting towards unprotected women and 
clergymen4 ,persons  of no importance he
 does not see1 and is not conscious of  
their  existence2 those who have the    
same standing1 he treats with easy      
scorn1  and he acknowledges the         
distinction of superiors only by        
patronizing  and protecting them4 ,a man
 of fashion does not despise wealth2 he 
cannot but think that valuable which    
procures to others the honour of  paying
 for his suppers4    ,fashion is so     
completely distinguished from good      
breeding1 that it is  even opposed to   
it4 ,it is in fact a system of refined  
vulgarity4 ,what1  for example can be   
more vulgar than incessantly talking    
about forms  and customs8 ,about silver 
forks and ,french soup8 ,a gentleman    
follows  these conventional habits2 but 

he follows them as matters of course4   
,he  looks upon them as the ordinary and
 essential customs of refined  society4 
,french forks are to him things as      
indispensable as a  table-cloth2 and he 
thinks it as unnecessary to insist upon 
the one as  upon the other4 ,if he sees 
a person who eats with his knife1 he    
concludes that that person is ignorant  
of the usages of the world1 but  he does
 not shriek and faint away like a       
,bond-street dandy4 ,if he dines  at a  
table where there are no silver forks1  
he eats his dinner in  perfect propriety
 with steel1 and exhibits1 neither by   
manner nor by  speech1 that he perceives
 any error4 ,to be sure1 he forms his   
own  opinion about the rank of his      
entertainer1 but he leaves it to such   
new-made gentry as ,mr4 ,theodore ,hook1
 in his vulgar fashionable novels1  to  
harangue about such delinquencies4 ,the 
vulgarity of insisting upon  these      
matters is scarcely less offensive than 
the vulgarity of  neglecting them4 ,lady

 ,frances ,pelham is but one remove     
better than a  ,brancton4    ,a man of  
fashion never goes to the theatre2 he is
 waiting for the  opera4    ,he1 of     
course1 goes out of town in the summer2 
or1 if he cannot afford  to do so1 he   
merely closes his window-shutters1 and  
appears to be gone4    ,fashion makes   
all great things little1 and all little 
things great4    ,it is commonly said1  
that it requires more wit to perform the
 part of  the fool in a farce than that 
of the master4 ,without intending any   
offence to the fool by the comparison1  
we may remark1 that qualities of  an    
elevated character are required for the 
support of the role of a  man of fashion
 in the solemn farce of life4 ,he must  
have invention1 to  vary his absurdities
 when they cease to be striking2 he must
 have wit  enough to obtain the         
reputation of a great deal more2 and he 
must  possess tact to know when and     
where to crouch1 and where and when to  
insult4    ,brummel1 whose career is one

 of the most extraordinary on record1   
must  have exercised1 during the period 
of his social reign1 many qualities  of 
conduct which rank among the highest    
endowments of our race4 ,for an  obscure
 individual1 without fortune or rank1 to
 have conceived the idea  of placing    
himself at the head of society in a     
country the most  thoroughly            
aristocratic in ,europe1 relying too    
upon no other weapon  than well-directed
 insolence2 for the same individual to  
have triumphed  splendidly over the     
highest and the mightiest--to have      
maintained a  contest with royalty      
itself1 and to have come off victorious 
even in  that struggle--for such an one 
no ordinary faculties must have been    
demanded4 ,of the sayings of ,brummel   
which have been preserved1 it is        
difficult to distinguish whether they   
contain real wit1 or are only so        
sublimely and so absurdly impudent that 
they look like witty4    ,we add here a 
few anecdotes of ,brummel1 which will   

serve to show1  better than any         
precepts1 the style of conduct which a  
man of fashion  may pursue4    ,when    
,brummel was at the height of his power1
 he was once1 in the  company of some   
gentlemen1 speaking of the ,prince of   
,wales as a very  good sort of man1 who 
behaved himself very decently1          
considering  circumstances2 some one    
present offered a wager that he would   
not dare  to give a direction to this   
very good sort of man4 ,brummel looked  
astonished at the remark1 and declined  
accepting a wager upon such  point4     
,they happened to be dining with the    
regent the next day1 and  after being   
pretty well fortified4 with wine1       
,brummel interrupted a  remark of the   
prince's1 by exclaiming very mildly and 
naturally1  8,wales1 ring the bell60    
,his royal highness immediately obeyed  
the  command1 and when the servant      
entered1 said to him1 with the utmost   
coolness and firmness1 8,show ,mr4      
,brummel to his carriage40 ,the dandy   

was not in the least dejected by his    
expulsion2 but meeting the prince       
regent1 walking with a gentleman1 the   
next day in the street1 he did  not bow 
to him1 but stopping the other1 drew him
 aside and said1 in a  loud whisper1    
8,who is that ,,fat ,,friend of ours80  
,it must be remembered  that the object 
of this sarcasm was at that time        
exceedingly annoyed by  his increasing  
corpulency2 so manifestly so1 that      
,sheridan remarked1  that 8though the   
regent professed himself a ,whig1 he    
believed that in  his heart he was no   
friend to new measures40    ,shortly    
after this occurrence at                
,carlton-,house1 ,brummel remarked to   
one  of his friends1 that 8he had half a
 mind to cut the young one1 and  bring  
old ,george into fashion40    ,in       
describing a short visit which he had   
paid to a nobleman in the  country1 he  
said1 that he had only carried with him 
a night-cap and a  silver basin to spit 
in1 8,because1 you know1 it is utterly  

impossible  to spit in clay40           
,brummel was once present at a party to 
which he had not been invited4  ,after  
he had been some time in the room1 the  
gentleman of the house1  willing to     
mortify him1 went up to him and said    
that he believed that  there must be    
some mistake1 as he did not recollect   
having had the  honour of sending him an
 invitation4 8,what is the name80 said  
the other  very drawlingly1 at the same 
time affecting to feel in his waistcoat 
pocket for a card4 8,johnson10 replied  
the gentleman4 8,jauhnson80 said        
,brummel1 8oh6 ,i remember now that the 
name was ,thaunson 7,thompson72 and     
,jauhnson and ,thaunson1 ,thaunson and  
,jauhnson1 you know1 are so much the    
same kind of thing40    ,brummel was    
once asked how much a year he thought   
would be required to  keep a single man 
in clothes4 8,why1 with tolerable       
economy10 said he1  8,i think it might  
be done for #hjj40    ,he once went down
 to a gentleman's house in the country1 

without having  been asked to do so4 ,he
 was given to understand1 the next      
morning1 that  his absence would be more
 agreeable1 and he took his departure4  
,some  one having heard of his          
discomfiture1 asked him how he liked the
  accommodations there4 ,he replied     
coolly1 that 8it was a very decent      
house to spend a single night in40      
,we have mentioned that this dreaded    
arbiter of modes had threatened  that he
 would put the prince regent out of     
fashion4 ,alas6 for the peace  of the   
,british monarch1 this was not an idle  
boast4 ,his dangerous rival  resolved in
 the unfathomable recesses of a mind    
capacious of such  things1 to commence  
and to carry on a war whose terror and  
grandeur  should astound society1 to    
administer to audacious royalty a lesson
  which should never be forgotten1 and  
finally to retire1 when retire he  must1
 with mementos of his tremendous power  
around him1 and with the  mightiest of  
the earth at his feet4 ,inventive and   

deliberate were the  counsels which he  
meditated2 sublime and resolute was the 
conduct he  adopted4 ,he decided1 with  
an originality of genius to which the   
conqueror of ,marengo might have vailed1
 that the neck of the foe was  the point
 at which the first fatal shaft of his  
excommunicating ire  should be hurled4  
,with rapid and decisive energy he      
concentrated all  his powers for        
instantaneous action4 ,he retired for a 
day to the  seclusion of solitude1 to   
summon and to spur the energies of the  
most  self-reliant mind in ,europe1 as  
the lion draws back to gather courage   
for the leap4 ,as1 like the lion1 he    
drew back2 so1 like the lion1 did  he   
spring forward upon his prey4 ,at a ball
 given by the ,duchess of  ,devonshire1 
when the whole assembly were conversing 
upon his supposed  disgrace1 and        
insulting by their malevolence one whom 
they had  disgusted by their adulation1 
,brummel suddenly stood in the midst of 
them4 ,could it be indeed ,brummel8     

,could it be mortal who thus appeared   
with such an encincture of radiant glory
 about his neck8 ,every eye was  upon   
him1 fixed in stupid admiration2 every  
tongue1 as it slowly  recovered from its
 speechless paralysis1 faltered forth   
8what a  cravat60 ,what a cravat indeed6
 ,hundreds that had1 a moment before1   
exulted in unwonted freedom1 bowed      
before it with the homage of servile    
adoration4 ,what a cravat6 ,there it    
stood2 there was no doubting its        
entity1 no believing it an illusion4    
,there it stood1 smooth and stiff1  yet 
light and almost transparent2 delicate  
as the music of ,ariel1 yet  firm as the
 spirit of ,regulus2 bending with the   
grace of ,apollo's  locks1 yet erect    
with the majesty of the ,olympian ,jove3
 without a  wrinkle1 without an         
indentation4 ,what a cravat6 ,the regent
 8saw and  shook20 and uttering a faint 
gurgle from beneath the wadded bag which
  surrounded his royal thorax1 he was   
heard to whisper with dismay1 8,d--n    

him6 what a cravat60 ,the triumph was   
complete4    ,it is stated1 upon what   
authority we know not1 that his royal   
highness1  after passing a sleepless    
night in vain conjectures1 despatched at
 an  early hour1 one of his             
privy-counsellors to ,brummel1 offering 
carte  blanche if he would disclose the 
secret of that mysterious cravat4 ,but  
the 8atrox animus ,catonis0 disdained   
the bribe4 ,he preferred being          
supplicated1 to being bought1 by kings4 
8,go10 said he to the messenger1  with  
the spirit of ,marius mantling in his   
veins1 8,go1 and tell your  master that 
you have seen his master40    ,for the  
truth of another anecdote1 connected    
with this cravat1 we have  indisputable 
evidence4 ,a young nobleman of          
distinguished talents and  high         
pretensions as to fortune and rank1 saw 
this fatal band1 and eager  to advance  
himself in the rolls of fashion1 retired
 to his chamber to  endeavour to        
penetrate the method of its             

construction4 ,he tried every  sort of  
known1 and many sorts of unknown        
stiffeners to accomplish the  end--paper
 and pasteboard1 and wadding1 shavings1 
and shingles1 and  planks1--all were    
vainly experienced4 ,gargantua could not
 have exhibited  a greater invention of 
expedients than he did2 but vainly4     
,after a  fortnight of the closest      
application1 ardour of study and anxiety
 of  mind combined1 brought him to the  
brink of the grave4 ,his mother having  
ascertained the origin of his complaint1
 waited upon ,brummel1 who was  the only
 living man that could remove it4 ,she  
implored him1 by every  human motive1 to
 say but one word1 to save the life of  
her son and  prevent her own misery4    
,but the tyrant was immoveable1 and the 
young  man expired a victim of his      
sternness4    ,when1 at length1 yielding
 to that strong necessity which no man  
can  control1 ,brummel was obliged1 like
 ,napoleon1 to abdicate1 the mystery  of
 that mighty cravat was unfolded4 ,there

 was found1 after his  departure to     
,calais1 written on sheet of paper upon 
his table1 the  following epigram of    
scorn3 8,,starch ,,is ,,the ,,man40 ,the
 cravat of ,brummel  was                
merely--starched6 ,henceforth starch was
 introduced into every cravat  in       
,europe4    ,brummel still lives1 an    
obscure consul in a petty ,european     
town4    ,physically there is something 
to command our admiration in the history
  of a man who thus lays at his mercy   
all ranks of men1--the lofty and the    
low1 the great1 the powerful and the    
vain3 but morally and seriously1  no    
character is more despicable than that  
of the mere man of fashion1  ,seeking   
nothing but notoriety1 his path to that 
end is over the ruins  of all that is   
worthy in our nature4 ,he knows virtue  
only to despise  it2 he makes himself   
acquainted with human feelings only to  
outrage  them4 ,he commences his career 
beyond the limits of decency1 and ends  
it  far in the regions of infamy4       

,feared by all and respected by none1   
hated by his worshippers and despised by
 himself1 he rules1--an object  of pity 
and contempt3 and when his power is     
past1 his existence is  forgotten2 he   
lives on in an1 oblivion which is to him
 worse than  death1 and the stings of   
memory goad him to the grave4    ,the   
devotee of fashion is a trifler unworthy
 of his race2 the mere  gentleman is a  
character which may in time become      
somewhat tiresome2  there is a just mean
 between the two1 where a better conduct
 than  either is to be found4 ,it is    
that of a man who1 yielding to others1  
still maintains his self-respect1 and   
whose concessions to folly are          
controlled by good sense2 who remembers 
the value of trifles without  forgetting
 the importance of duties1 and resolves 
so to regulate his  conduct that neither
 others may be offended by his          
stiffness1 nor  himself have to regret  
his levity4    ,live therefore among    
men--to conclude our homily after the   

manner of  ,quarles--live therefore     
among men1 like them1 yet not disliking 
thyself2  and let the hues of fashion be
 reflected from thee1 but let them not  
enter and colour thee within4           
,,chapter ,,xv4  ,,miscellaneous4       
,there is nothing more ill bred in the  
world than continual talking  about good
 breeding4    ,you should never employ  
the word 8genteel20 the proper word is  
8respectable40    ,if you are walking   
down the street with another person on  
your arm1 and  stop to say something to 
one of your friends1 do not commit the  
too  common and most awkward error of   
introducing such persons to one         
another4 ,never introduce morning       
visitors1 who happen to meet in your    
parlour without being acquainted4 ,if   
you should be so introduced1  remember  
that the acquaintance afterwards goes   
for nothing3 you have  not the slightest
 right to expect that the other should  
ever speak to  you4    ,if you wish to  
be introduced to a lady1 you must always

 have her  consent previously asked2    
this formality it is not necessary to   
observe  in the case of gentlemen alone4
    ,presents are the gauge of          
friendship4 ,they also serve to increase
 it1  and give it permanence4    ,among 
friends presents ought to be made of    
things of small value2 or1  if valuable1
 their worth should be derived from the 
style of the  workmanship1 or from some 
accidental circumstance1 rather than    
from the  inherent and solid richness4  
,especially never offer to a lady a gift
 of  great cost3 it is in the highest   
degree indelicate1 and looks as if you  
were desirous of placing her under an   
obligation to you1 and of buying  her   
good will4 ,the gifts made by ladies to 
gentlemen are of the most  refined      
nature possible3 they should be little  
articles not purchased1  but deriving a 
priceless value as being the offspring  
of their gentle  skill2 a little picture
 from their pencil1 or a trifle from    
their  needle4    ,to persons much your 

superiors1 or gentlemen whom you do not 
know  intimately1 there is but one      
species of appropriate present--game4   
,if you make a present1 and it is       
praised by the receiver1 you should  not
 yourself commence undervaluing it4 ,if 
one is offered to you1 always  accept   
it2 and however small it may be1 receive
 it with civil and  expressed thanks1   
without any kind of affectation4 ,avoid 
all such  deprecatory phrases1 as 8,i   
fear ,i rob you10 etc4    ,to children1 
the only presents which you offer are   
sugar-plums and  bon-bons4    ,avoid the
 habit of employing ,french words in    
,english conversation2 it  is in        
extremely bad taste to be always        
employing such expressions as           
ci-devant1 soi-disant1 en masse1 couleur
 de rose1 etc4 ,do not  salute your     
acquaintances with bon jour1 nor reply  
to every  proposition1 volontiers4      
,in speaking of ,french cities and      
towns1 it is a mark of refinement in    
education to pronounce them rigidly     

according to ,english rules of  speech4 
,mr4 ,fox1 the best ,french scholar1 and
 one of the best bred men  in ,england1 
always sounded the x in ,bourdeaux1 and 
the s in ,calais1  and on all occasions 
pronounced such names just as they are  
written4    ,in society1 avoid having   
those peculiar preferences for some     
subjects1  which are vulgarly           
denominated4 8hobby horses40 ,they make 
your  company a bore to all your        
friends2 and some kind-hearted creature 
will take advantage of them and trot    
you1 for the amusement of the  company4 
,a certain degree of reserve1 or the    
appearance of it1 should be  maintained 
in your intercourse with your most      
intimate friends4 ,to  ordinary         
acquaintances retain the utmost         
reserve--never allowing them to  read   
your feelings1 not1 on the other hand1  
attempting to take any  liberties with  
them4 ,familiarity of manner is the     
greatest vice of  society4 8,ah6 allow  
me1 my dear fellow10 says a rough voice1

 and at the  same moment a thumb and    
finger are extended into my snuff-box1  
which1  in removing their prey drop half
 of it upon my clothes1--,i look up1 and
  recognize a person to whom ,i was     
introduced by mistake last night at  the
 opera4 ,i would be glad to have less   
fellowship with such fellows4  ,in      
former times great philosophers were    
said to have demons for                 
familiars1--thereby indicating that a   
familiar man is the very devil4         
,remember1 that all deviations from     
prescribed forms1 on common  occasions1 
are vulgar2 such as sending invitations1
 or replies1 couched  in some unusual   
forms of speech4 ,always adhere to the  
immemorial  phrase1--8,mrs4 ,x4 requests
 the honour of ,mr1 ,y4's company10 and 
8,mr4 ,y4  has the honour of accepting  
,mrs4 ,x4's polite invitation40 ,never  
introduce persons with any outlandish or
 new-coined expressions2 but  perform   
the operation with mathematical         
precision--8,mr4 ,a41 ,mr4 ,a'2 ,mr4    

,a'1 ,mr4 ,a40    ,when two gentlemen   
are walking with a lady in the street1  
they should  not be both upon the same  
side of her1 but one of them should walk
 upon  the outside and the other upon   
the inside4    ,when you walk with a    
lady1 even if the lady be young and     
unmarried1  offer your arm to her4 ,this
 is always done in ,france1 and is      
practised  in this country by the best  
bred persons4 ,to be sure1 this is done 
only  to married women in ,france1      
because unmarried women never walk alone
  with gentlemen1 but as in ,america the
 latter have the same freedom as  the   
former1 this custom should here be      
extended to them4    ,if you are walking
 with a woman who has your arm1 and you 
cross the  street1 it is better not to  
disengage your arm1 and go round upon   
the  outside4 ,such effort evinces a    
palpable attention to form1 and that  is
 always to be avoided4    ,a woman      
should never take the arms of two men1  
one being upon either  side2 nor should 

a man carry a woman upon each arm4 ,the 
latter of these  iniquities is practised
 only in ,ireland2 the former perhaps in
  ,kamskatcha4 ,there are1 to be sure1  
some cases in which it is necessary  for
 the protection of the women1 that they 
should both take his arm1 as  in coming 
home from a concert1 or in passing1 on  
any occasion1 through  a crowd4    ,when
 you receive company in your own house1 
you should never be much  dressed4 ,this
 is a circumstance of the first         
importance in good  breeding4    ,a     
gentleman should never use perfumes2    
they are agreeable1 however1  upon      
ladies4    ,avoid the use of proverbs in
 conversation1 and all sorts of cant    
phrases4 ,this error is1 ,i believe1    
censured by ,lord ,chesterfield1 and  is
 one of the most offensively vulgar     
things which a person can commit4  ,we  
have frequently been astonished to hear 
such a slang phrase as 8the  whole hog0 
used by persons who had pretensions to  
very superior  standing4 ,we would be   

disposed to apply to such an expression 
a  criticism of ,dr4 ,johnson's1 which  
rivals it in ,coarseness3 8,it has not  
enough salt to keep it from stinking1   
enough wit to prevent its being         
offensive40 ,we do not wish to advocate 
any false refinement1 or to  encourage  
any cockney delicacy3 but we may be     
decent without being  affected4 ,the    
stable language and raft humour of      
,crockett and ,downing  may do very well
 to amuse one in a morning paper1 but it
 exhibits  little wit and less good     
sense to adopt them in the drawing-room4
 ,this  matter should be 8reformed      
altogether40    ,if a plate be sent to  
you1 at dinner1 by the master or        
mistress of the  house1 you should      
always take it1 without offering it to  
all your  neighbours as was in older    
times considered necessary4 ,the spirit 
of  antique manners consisted in        
exhibiting an attention to ceremony2 the
  spirit of modern manners consists in  
avoiding all possible appearance  of    

form4 ,the old custom of deferring      
punctiliously to others was  awkward and
 inconvenient4 ,for1 the person1 in     
favor of whom the  courtesy was shown1  
shocked at the idea of being exceeded in
  politeness1 of course declined it1 and
 a plate was thus often kept  vibrating 
between two bowing mandarins1 till its  
contents were cold1  and the victims of 
ceremony were deprived of their dinner4 
,in a case  like this1 to reverse the   
decision which the host has made as to  
the  relative standing of his guests1 is
 but a poor compliment to him1 as it    
seems to reprove his choice1 and may1   
besides1 materially interfere  with his 
arrangements by rendering unhelped a    
person whom he supposes  attended to4   
,the same avoidance of too much         
attention to yielding place is proper in
  most other cases4 ,shenstone1 in some 
clever verses1 has ridiculed the  folly2
 and ,goldsmith1 in his 8,vicar10 has   
censured the inconvenience1  of such    
outrageous formality4 ,these things are 

now managed better4 ,one  person yields 
and another accepts without any         
controversy4    ,when you are helped to 
anything at a dinner table1 do not wait1
 with  your plate untouched1 until      
others have begun to eat4 ,this         
stiff-piece  of mannerism is often      
occurring in the country1 and indeed    
among all  persons who are not          
thoroughly bred4 ,as soon as your plate 
is placed  before you1 you should take  
up your knife and arrange the table     
furniture around you1 if you do not     
actually eat4    ,as to the instruments 
by which the operation of dining is     
conducted1 it  is a matter of much      
consequence that entire propriety should
 be  observed as to their use4 ,we have 
said nothing about the use of silver    
forks1 because we do not write for      
savages2 and where1 excepting among     
savages1 shall we find any who at       
present eat with other than a ,french   
fork84 ,there are occasionally to be    
found some ancients1 gentlemen of  the  

old school1 as it is termed1 who persist
 in preferring steel1 and  who will     
insist on calling for a steel fork if   
there is none on the  table4 ,they      
consider the modem custom an            
affectation1 and deem that all          
affectation should be avoided4 ,they    
tread upon the pride of ,plato1 with    
more pride4 ,there is often affectation 
in shunning affectation4 ,it is  better 
in things not material to submit to the 
established habits1  especially when1 as
 in the present case1 the balance of    
convenience is  decidedly on the part of
 fashion4 ,the ordinary custom among    
well bred  persons1 is as follows3--soup
 is taken with a spoon4 ,some foolish   
fashionables employ a fork6 ,they might 
as well make use of a  broomstick4 ,the 
fish which follows is eaten with a fork1
 a knife not  being used at all4 ,the   
fork is held in the right hand1 and a   
piece of  bread in the left4 ,for any   
dish in which cutting is not            
indispensable1  the same arrangement is 

correct4 ,when you have upon your plate1
 before  the dessert1 anything partially
 liquid1 or any sauces1 you must not    
take them up with a knife1 but with a   
piece of bread1 which is to be          
saturated with the juices1 and then     
lifted to the mouth4 ,if such an        
article forms part of the dessert1 you  
should eat it with a spoon4 ,in         
carving1 steel instruments alone are    
employed4 ,for fowls a peculiar  knife  
is used1 having the blade short and the 
handle very long4 ,for  fish a broad and
 pierced silver blade is used4    ,a    
dinner--we allude to dinner-parties--in 
this country1 is generally  despatched  
with too much hurry4 ,we do not mean1   
that persons commonly  eat too fast1 but
 that the courses succeed one another   
too  precipitately4 ,dinner is the last 
operation of the day1 and there is no   
subsequent business which demands haste4
 ,it is usually intended1  especially   
when there are no ladies1 to sit at the 
table till nine1  ten1 or eleven        

o'clock1 and it is more agreeable that  
the eating  should be prolonged through 
a considerable portion of the entire    
time4  ,the conveniences of digestion   
also require more deliberation1 and it  
would therefore not be unpleasant if an 
interval of a quarter of an  hour or    
half an hour were allowed to intervene  
between the meats and  the dessert4     
,at dinner1 avoid taking upon your plate
 too many things at once4 ,one  variety 
of meat and one kind of vegetable is the
 maximum4 ,when you  take another sort  
of meat1 or any dish not properly a     
vegetable1 you  always change your      
plate4    ,the fashion of dining        
inordinately late in this country is    
foolish4 ,it  is borrowed from ,england 
without any regard to the difference in 
circumstances between the two nations4  
,in ,london1 the whole system of  daily 
duties is much later4 ,the fact of      
parliament's sitting during the  evening
 and not in the morning1 tends to remove
 the active part of the  day to a much  

more advanced hour4 ,when persons rise  
at ten or two  o'clock1 it is not to be 
expected that they should dine till     
eight or  twelve in the evening4 ,there 
is nothing of this sort in ,france4     
,there  they dine at three1 or earlier4 
,we have known some fashionable dinners 
in different cities in this country at  
so late an hour as eight or nine        
o'clock4 ,this is absurd1 where the     
persons have all breakfasted at  eight  
in the morning4 ,from four o'clock till 
five varies the proper  hour for a      
dinner party here4    ,never talk about 
politics at a dinner table or in a      
drawing room4    ,when you are going    
into a company it is of advantage to run
 over in  your mind1 beforehand1 the    
topics of conversation which you intend 
to  bring up1 and to arrange the manner 
in which you will introduce them4  ,you 
may also refresh your general ideas upon
 the subjects1 and run  through the     
details of the few very brief and       
sprightly anecdotes which  you are going

 to repeat2 and also have in readiness  
one or two  brilliant phrases or        
striking words which you will use upon  
occasion4  ,further than this it is     
dangerous to make much preparation4 ,if 
you  commit to memory long speeches with
 the design of delivering them1 your    
conversation will become formal1 and you
 will be negligent of the  observations 
of your company4 ,it will tend also to  
impair that habit of  readiness and     
quickness which it is necessary to      
cultivate in order to  be agreeable4    
,you must be very careful that you do   
not repeat the same anecdotes or  let   
off the same good things twice to the   
same person4 ,richard ,sharpe1  the     
8conversationist0 as he was called in   
,london1 kept a regular book  of entry1 
in which he recorded where and before   
whom he had uttered  severally his      
choice sayings4 ,the celebrated ,bubb   
,doddington prepared a  manuscript book 
of original faceti1 which he was        
accustomed to read  over when he        

expected any distinguished company1     
trusting to an  excellent memory to     
preserve him from iteration4    ,if you 
accompany your wife to a ball1 be very  
careful not to dance with  her4    ,the 
lady who gives a ball dances but little1
 and always selects her  partners4      
,if you are visited by any company whom 
you wish to drive away forever1  or any 
friends whom you wish to alienate1      
entertain them by reading to  them your 
own productions4    ,if you ask a lady  
to dance1 and she is engaged1 do not    
prefer a request  for her hand at the   
next set after that1 because she may be 
engaged for  that also1 and for many    
more2 and you would have to run through 
a long  list of interrogatories1 which  
would be absurd and awkward4    ,a      
gentleman must not expect to shine in   
society1 even the most  frivolous1      
without a considerable stock of         
knowledge4 ,he must be  acquainted with 
facts rather than principles4 ,he needs 
no very sublime  sciences2 but a        

knowledge of biography and literary     
history1 of the  fine arts1 as painting1
 engraving1 music1 etc41 will be of     
great  service to him4    ,some men are 
always seen in the streets with an      
umbrella under their  arm4 ,such a      
foible may be permitted to such men as  
,mr4 ,southey and the  ,duke of         
,wellington3 but in ordinary men it     
looks like affectation1 and  the        
monotony is exceedingly boring to the   
sight4    ,to applaud at a play is not  
fashionable2 but it is respectable to   
evince by a gentle concurrence of one   
finger and a hand that you  perceive and
 enjoy a good stroke in an actor4    ,if
 you are at a concert1 or a private     
musical party1 never beat time  with    
your feet or your cane4 ,nothing is more
 unpleasant4    ,few things are more    
agreeable or more difficult1 than to    
relate  anecdotes with entire propriety4
 ,they should be introduced gracefully1 
have fit connexion with the previous    
remarks1 and be in perfect keeping  with

 the company1 the subject and the tone  
of the conversation2 they  should be    
short1 witty and eloquent1 and they     
should be new but not  far-fetched4     
,in rapid and eager discourse1 when     
persons are excited and impatient1  as  
at a ball or in a promenade1 repeat     
nothing but the spirit and soul  of a   
story1 leaping over the particulars4    
,there are however many places  and     
occasions in which you may bring out the
 details with advantage1  precisely1 but
 not tediously4 ,when you repeat a true 
story be always  extremely exact4 ,mem4 
,not to forget the point of your story1 
like most  narrators4    ,when you are  
telling a flat anecdote by mistake1     
laugh egregiously1  that others may do  
the same3 when you repeat a spirited and
 striking  bon mot1 be grave and        
composed1 in order that others may not  
be the  same4    ,for one who has       
travelled much1 to hit the proper medium
 between too  much reserve and too much 
intrusion1 on the subject of his        

adventures1  is not easy4 ,such a person
 is expected to give amusement by       
pleasant  histories of his travels1 and 
it is agreeable that he should do so1   
yet  with moderation2 he should not     
reply to every remark by a memoir1      
commencing1 8,when ,i was in ,japan40   
,rampant witticisms which require one to
 laugh1 are apt to grow  fatiguing3 it  
is better to have a sprightly and       
amusing vein running  through your      
conversation1 which1 betraying no       
effort1 allows one to be  grave without 
offence1 or to smile without pain4      
,punning is now decidedly out of date4  
,it is a silly and displeasing  thing1  
when it becomes a habit4 ,some one has  
called it the wit of  fools4 ,it is     
within the reach of the most trifling1  
and is often used  by them to puzzle and
 degrade the wise4 ,whatever may be its 
merits1 it  is now out of fashion4      
,it is respectable to go to church once 
on ,sunday4 ,when you are there1  behave
 with decency4 ,you should never walk in

 fashionable places on  ,sunday         
afternoon4 ,it is notoriously vulgar4   
,if your health requires you  to take   
the air1 you should seek some retired   
street4    ,in conversation avoid such  
phrases as 8,my dear sir or madam40     
,a gentleman is distinguished as much by
 his composure as by any other  quality4
 ,his exertions are always subdued1 and 
his efforts easy4 ,he is  never         
surprised into an exclamation or        
startled by anything4 ,throughout  life 
he avoids what the ,french call scenes1 
occasions of exhibition1  in which the  
vulgar delight4 ,he of course has       
feelings1 but he never  exhibits any to 
the world4 ,he hears of the death of his
 pointer or the  loss of an estate with 
entire calmness when others are present4
    ,it is very difficult for a literary
 man to preserve the perfect manners    
and exact semblance of a gentleman4 ,he 
must be able to throw aside all  the    
qualities which authorship tends to     
stamp so deeply upon him1 and           

thoroughly to despise the cant of the   
profession4 ,yet this must be done      
without any affectation4 ,upon the      
whole1 unless he has rare tact1 he  will
 please as much by going into company   
with all the marks of his  employment   
upon his manners1 than by awkwardly     
attempting to throw off  his load4 ,one 
would rather see a man with his fingers 
inked1 than to  see him nervously       
striving to cover them with a tattered  
kid glove4 ,as  to literary ladies1 they
 make up their minds to sacrifice all   
present  and personal admiration for    
future and abiding renown4    ,it is not
 considered fashionable to carry a      
watch4 ,what has a  fashionable man to  
do with time8 ,besides he never goes    
into those  obscure parts of the town   
where there are no public clocks1 and   
his  servant will tell him when it is   
time to dress for dinner4 ,a gentleman  
carries his watch in his pantaloons with
 a plain black ribbon attached4  ,it is 
only worthy of a shop-boy to put it in  

his waistcoat pocket4    ,custom allows 
to men the privilege of taking snuff1   
however unneat this  habit may appear4  
,if you affect the 8tangible smell10    
always take it  from a box1 and not from
 your waistcoat pocket or a paper4 ,the 
common  opinion1 that ,napoleon took    
snuff from his pocket1 7which fact1 by  
the  way1 is denied by ,bourrienne17 has
 for ever driven this convenient  custom
 from the practice of gentlemen1 for the
 same reason that ,lord  ,byron's       
anti-neckcloth fashion has compelled    
every man of sense to bind  a cravat    
religiously about his throat4 ,as to    
taking snuff from a paper1  it is vile4 
,women should abstain most scrupulously 
from tobacco1 for nothing can be  more  
fatal to their divinity3 they should at 
least avoid it until past  fifty2--that 
is to say1 if a woman past fifty can    
anywhere be found4  ,chewing is         
permitted only to galley-slaves and     
metaphysicians4    ,it was a favourite  
maxim of ,rivarol1 8,do you wish to     

succeed8 ,cite  proper names40 ,rivarol 
is dead in exile1 having left behind him
 little  property and less reputation4  
,judging from all experience1 if we were
  to frame an extreme maxim1 it should  
be1 8,if you wish to succeed never  cite
 a proper name40 ,it will make you      
agreeable and hated4 ,your  conversation
 will be listened to with interest1 and 
your company  shunned with horror4 ,you 
will obtain the reputation of a gossip  
and a  scandal-bearer1 and you will soon
 be obliged either to purchase a razor  
or apply for a passport4 ,if you are    
holding a tete-a-tete with a  notorious 
,mrs4 ,candour1 then1 indeed1 your      
tongue should be as sharp  and nimble as
 the forked lightning4 ,you must beat   
her at her own  weapons1 and convince   
her that it would be dangerous to       
traduce your  character to others4    ,a
 bachelor is a person who enjoys        
everything and pays for nothing2 a      
married man is one that pays for        
everything and enjoys nothing4 ,the one 

drives a sulky through life1 and is not 
expected to take care of any  one but   
himself3 the other keeps a carriage1    
which is always too full  to afford him 
a comfortable seat4 ,be cautious then   
how you exchange  your sulky for a      
carriage4    ,in ordinary conversation  
about persons employ the expressions men
 and  women2 gentleman and lady are     
distinctive appellations1 and not  to be
 used upon general occasions4    ,you   
should say forte-piano1 not piano-forte3
 and the street door1  not the front    
door4    8,a man may have virtue1       
capacity1 and good conduct10 says ,la   
,bruyre1  8and yet be insupportable2 the
 air and manner which we neglect1 as    
little things1 are frequently what the  
world judges us by1 and makes  them     
decide for or against us40    ,in your  
intercourse with the world you must take
 persons as they are1  and society as   
you find it4 ,you must never oppose the 
one1 nor attempt  to alter the other4   
,society is a harlequin stage1 upon     

which you never  appear in your own     
dress nor without a mask4 ,keep your    
real  dispositions for your fireside1   
and your real character for your        
private friend4 ,in public1 never differ
 from anybody1 nor from  anything4 ,the 
agreeable man is one who agrees4        
,,the ,,end4