,,nunn]y ,,life ,,9 ,,! ,,*ur* ,,( ,,engl& ,illu/ration3 8,si/] ,m>y ,agnes4 ,o4,s4,b40 ,photogravure by ,annan ,swan4 ,,nunn]y ,,life ,,9 ,,! ,,*ur* ,,( ,,engl&2 ,,or1 ,sev5te5 ,ye>s ) ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,,by ,,si/] ,,m>y ,,agnes1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,,edit$1 ,,) ,,preface1 ,,by ,,! ,,rev4 ,w4 ,,lancelot ,,holl&1 ,m4,a41 ,vic> ,( ,all ,sa9ts'1 ,hat*am4 ,,fif? ,,?\s&4 ,london3 ,,hodd] ,,& ,,/\ghton1 #bg1 ,,pat]no/] ,,r[4 ,,mdcccxci4 ,,butl] ,,tann]1 ,,! ,,selwood ,,pr9t+ ,,works1 ,,frome1 ,,& ,,london4 ,,cont5ts4 ,,page ,,preface ix ,,introduction xxv ,,*apt] ,i4 ,,my ,,reasons ,,= ,,becom+ ,a ,,si/] #a ,,*apt] ,,ii4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,ent]$ ,,^u #ag ,,*apt] ,,iii4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,pov]ty #bh ,,*apt] ,,iv4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,*a/ity #cd ,,*apt] ,v4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,ob$i5ce #db ,,*apt] ,,vi4 ,,! ,,dawn ,,( ,,spiritual ,,light #di ,,*apt] ,,vii4 ,,life ,,at ,,fel?am ,,conv5t #eg ,,*apt] ,,viii4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,at ,,slapton1 ,,9 ,,devon%ire #fd ,,*apt] ,,ix4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,at ,,llan?ony #gi ,,*apt] ,x4 ,,daily ,,r\t9e ,,at ,,llan?ony #ajh ,,*apt] ,,xi4 ,,ill-,,treatm5t ,,( ,,*ildr5 #aae ,,*apt] ,,xii4 ,,"s ,,( ,,! ,,llan?ony ,,rules1 ,,) ,,accompany+ ,,p5ances #aba ,,*apt] ,,xiii4 ,,( ,,:at ,,religion ,,is ,,fa!r ,,ignatius8 #abh ,,*apt] ,,xiv4 ,,my ,,dep>ture ,,f ,,llan?ony #acf ,,*apt] ,,xv4 ,,at ,,llan?ony ,,aga9 #adf ,,*apt] ,,xvi4 ,,app>itions ,,& ,,miracles #aeh ,,*apt] ,,xvii4 ,,lib]ty #agf ,,app5dix ,a #aic 0 ,b #aig 0 ,c #aii ,,preface4 ,9 ! summ] ( la/ ye> 7#ahhi71 ,i fir/ he>d ( ! au?oress ( ?is autobiography3 n accid5tally1 z "s might put x1 b r by ! good provid5ce ( ,jehovah1 :o 8worke? all ?+s aft] ! c\nsel ( ,8 own w40 ,ex-si/] ,m>y ,agnes1 or ,miss ,j4 ,m4 ,povey1 _h be5 att5d+ "o ( ,mrs4 ,edi? ,o',gorman ,auffray's 7bett] kn[n z 8,! ,escap$ ,nun07 lectures at ! ,t[n ,hall1 ,k5s+ton1 & aft] ! lecture %e obta9$ an int]view ) ! lecturess1 dur+ :i* %e gave h] a %ort acc\nt ( h] own exp]i5ces 9 conv5ts nom9ally connect$ ) ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&4 ,! foll[+ day ,i happ5$ to meet ,mrs4 ,auffray1 :o pass$ on to me :at ,miss ,povey _h told h]4 ,i at once made up my m9d to reque/ ?is lady1 if possible1 to publi% h] exp]i5ces1 & ,i wrote a lett] to h] (f]+ any assi/ance 9 my p[]1 if %e ent]ta9$ ! idea ( mak+ h] exp]i5ces m widely kn[n4 ,i %\ld h m5tion$ t ,mrs4 ,auffray _h recomm5d$ ,miss ,povey to communicate ) me1 & _h urg$ ^u h] ! importance ( be>+ witness to ! m]ciful deliv]ance ,god _h v\*saf$ to h]4 ,i feel b\nd1 !re=e1 to express to ,mrs4 ,auffray my ?anks = ! good advice %e gave ,miss ,povey2 & let me say "h t ?\gh p]haps no woman has be5 m vilifi$1 & p]secut$1 by ! ,roman ,ca?olics1 & ,i fe> too by _m ,rituali/s & weak1 half-he>t$ ,prote/ants1 ?an has ,mrs4 ,auffray1 yet no woman has be5 m bless$ by ,god 9 expos+ ! errors ( ,romanism4 ,to my m9d1 x is z easy to prove ! p]fect v]acity ( ,mrs4 ,auffray's /ory1 told ) su* p[]1 z x is to prove t once ,que5 ,elizabe? reign$ 9 ,engl&1 or t ! ,duke ( ,well+ton l$ 8 soldi]s to victory :5 ! battle ( ,wat]loo 0 f\ght4 ,i _h n long to wait be=e receiv+ f ,miss ,povey a small portion ( h] manuscript2 &1 be+ /ruck ) ! unaffect$ /yle1 & g5u9e appe>ance ( ! /ory ?us comm5c$1 ,i cons5t$ at h] reque/ to correct & revise1 or1 9 "o ^w1 to edit1 ! :ole ( ! mat]ial %e might feel dispos$ to place 9 my h&s4 ,i ne$ h>dly say1 consid]+ ! _m o!r engagem5ts devolv+ ^u ! vic> ( a p>i% ( #bj1jjj p1 t ,i h be5 oblig$ to make a some:at sl[ progress ) ! "w1 %ort ?\gh x may appe>1 & :5 ,i _h come to ! close ( x1 ,i c\ld n b feel t ! book 0 wor?y ( an editor :o c\ld h devot$ m "t1 att5tion & tal5t to x1 ?an x 0 )9 my rea* to d4 ,i w\ld ackn[l$ge "h1 ) a feel+ ( deep gratitude1 ! assi/ance giv5 me t[>ds ! close ( my editorial duties1 9 connection ) ! book1 by a g5tleman ^: "n ,i am n at lib]ty to divulge4 ,?is g5tleman introduc$ ! manuscript to ! publi%]s1 & he has mo/ k9dly ca/ 8 eye c>efully ov] ! :ole "w1 correct+ or resc9d+ :]e he ?\ght x advisable4 ,p]haps !re are few m5 9 ,engl& :o "k m ?an he does on ! subject ( ,engli% si/]hoods4 ,he has lectur$ ) ability on ! subject1 & is likely to become ere long a well-kn[n writ]4 ,s9ce ,i made him acqua9t$ ) ! "w ,i 0 edit+1 & _h _h "s conv]sation ) him ^u ^! matt]s1 ,i only wi%$ he _h tak5 my place z editor4 ,i ?9k t ^? :o read ?r\gh ?is book w readily ackn[l$ge t ,miss ,povey has done h] "w well1 & ,i feel sure %e w receive ! he>ty congratulations ( a great numb] ( p]sons4 ,%e has be5 oblig$ to write "u "s consid]able disadvantages1 aris+ f ! nature ( h] employm5t1 :i* does n all[ a v wide m>g9 ( "t = writ+2 consequ5tly1 z %e rem9d$ me1 %e has _h no "t to look ov] & correct :at =ce ( circum/ances compell$ h] to write some:at hurri$ly4 8,i %all be mu* oblig$10 %e has writt5 to me1 8= any improvem5t y ?9k fit to make1 9 correct+1 revis+1 resc9d+1 9 all ! manuscript40 ,any excell5ce t may be f\nd 9 ! book mu/ be :olly due to ! au?oress2 none c\ld h writt5 9 ! =cible & graphic way %e has done1 :o _h n h]self pass$ ?r\gh s /range & pa9ful an exp]i5ce4 ,i h only _h "o int]view ) ,miss ,povey1 & t :5 ! book 0 well nigh f9i%$4 ,b be=e !n ,i took great pa9s to f9d out ! ?or\gh tru/wor?9ess ( h] antec$5ts & /atem5ts4 ,god =bid t ,i %\ld ev] v5ture to s5d be=e ! public a "w ( su* deep import1 7 ,i n p]fectly conv9c$ t ex-si/] ,m>y ,agnes 0 9 a position to write1 & actually 0 writ+1 ! tru?1 ! :ole tru?1 & no?+ b ! tru?4 ,i h by me a lett] writt5 by ! ,"m ,abbess ( ! ,fel?am conv5t1 to ! lady 9 ^: employm5t ,miss ,povey is n[ liv+1 giv+ h]1 z w be ackn[l$g$ by all1 a v high "* = tru?fulness & uprightness4 ,,! ,,conv5t1 ,,fel?am1 ,sept4 #ad?1 #ahhg4 ,,de> ,,madam1-- ,miss ,j4 ,m4 ,povey liv$ 9 my h\se = t5 ye>s1 & ,i knew ( h] be=e & s9ce4 ,%e be>s1 & has always borne1 ! highe/ moral "*2 all h] relations are highly respectable p4 ,%e is ?or\ghly consci5ti\s & tru/wor?y1 clev] & obs]vant1 & speaks well4 ,%e is a good ne$lewoman1 & ,i %\ld ?9k q capable ( und]tak+ :at y require ( h]1 & is "o :o w\ld d h] "w q z well 9 y\r abs5ce z if y 7 at home sup]9t5d+ h]4 ,%e is q above ! ord9>y /ation ( dome/ic s]vants4 ,!re is no my/]y 9 h] life4 ,i am1 de> ,madam1 y\rs truly1 ,,m>y ,,hilda4 ,miss ,povey has also receiv$ ! two foll[+ lett]s f ! same lady3-- ,,! ,,conv5t1 ,,fel?am1 ,feb4 #ae?1 #ahhf4 ,,poor ,,de> ,,*ild1-- ,i am n 9 ! lea/ surpris$ at y\r leav+1 & ,i pity y mu* = sev]al reasons4 ,,m>y ,,hilda4 ,,! ,,conv5t1 ,,fel?am1 ,feb4 #bj?1 #ahhf4 ,,de>e/ ,,*ild1-- ,h[ev] good ,f4 ,ignatius may be 7& he has mu* goodness71 ,i nev] ?\ght he _h mu* tact2 b t he c\ld be s utt]ly devoid ( x z to tell ,m4 ,w]eburgh t y knew ab\t h] hi/ory aft] leav+ "h fir/ "t1 ,i c\ld n h imag9$4 ,( c\rse1 kn[+ h] z ,i did1 ,i c b feel sure t %e 0 anxi\s = y to leave1 le/ y %\ld h9t x to o!rs4 ,i am1 z ,i h said1 v sorry = y1 & hope y w n /ay 9 ! _w4 ,y\r always s9c]e fri5d1 & affectionate ,sp4 ,"m1 ,,m>y ,,hilda1 ,m4 ,sup4 ,i h ample te/imony to ! tru? ( h] /atem5t1 8,sev5te5 ,ye>s ) ,fa!r ,ignatius10 s9ce ,i am able to give ! foll[+ extract f a lett] writt5 by 8,ignatius0 himself to ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes1 soon aft] %e _h left ! conv5t3-- ,,jesus ,,only4 ,,pax4 ,,llan?ony ,,abbey1 ,dec4 #cj?1 #ahhd4 ,,my ,,de>e/ ,,*ild1-- ''' ,y h pr(it$ no?+ f all my tea*+ & pati5ce ( ne>ly sev5te5 ye>s3 y _c imag9e ! grief y h giv5 me4 ,i h no "t = m4 ,i %all always pray = y1 & love y1 & y mu/ ?9k ( me z always ,y\r affectionate1 b disappo9t$ ,fa!r1 ,,ignatius1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,mo/ ( ! read]s ( ?is book w probably "k ! mean+ ( ! lett]s 8,o4,s4,b40 ,!y mean ! 8,ord] ( ,/4 ,b5$ict40 ,n[1 al?\gh ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes nev] became :at is call$ 9 conv5tual phraseology a 8pr(ess$0 nun 9 t ,ord]1 t is to say1 %e nev] 8took ! black veil10 yet = all ^! ye>s %e 0 a novice nun1 & 0 always look$ ^u & call$ a nun4 ,9 a lett] ,fa!r ,ignatius wrote to h] 9 ! ye> #ahgi1 :il/ %e 0 9 ! conv5t1 ?is s5t5ce occurs3 8,y are really a little nun02 & aga93 8,if ,i f9d y really gr[n 9 a nun-l _s1 ,i really hope we may fix 7,d4,v47 y\r pr(ession1 say1 ?is ye>40 ,i might v easily add m to prove t ?is simple /ory ( sev5te5 ye>s ( conv5t life is n a fabricat$ "o1 b ! evid5ce ,i h produc$1 out ( a mass :i* ,i h at my disposal1 w surely be en\gh4 ,miss ,povey has decid$ to make kn[n h] life z a nun1 9 ord] t o!rs may take w>n+1 & pr(it by h] exp]i5ces4 ,no "y lady :o may become acqua9t$ ) ?is book c ev] say1 %\ld %e be delud$ into tak+ ! veil1 t %e took t t]rible leap1 z ,i fe> _m d take x1 9 ! d>k4 ,conv5ts1 or si/]hoods1 9 connection ) ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 are by no means few & f> betwe51 & x is to be hop$ t ?is book w br+ conviction to _m ( ! transp>5t fact1 t ! tea*+ & practices )9 _! walls are n s widely diff]5t f ! same )9 ! walls ( ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts4 ,i hope t ,miss ,povey's "w may d good 9 mak+ kn[n ! dang] ( be+ misl$ by ! app>5tly pure evangelical tea*+ :i* ,fa!r ,ignatius is said to give4 ,n[1 x seems to me1 t "h 9 ?is book we h ! means ( subject+ ?is speci\s-look+ metal to a sev]e te/4 ,8 s-call$ ,gospel s]mons & orations conta9 "s good metal ) :i* ! c\nt]feit co9 is cov]$ & made to pass z g5u9e4 ,x is an incumb5t duty to let h] revelations be kn[n f> & wide1 s t s\ls be n l$ a/ray4 ,is !re n a cause8 ,consid] x1 ,i beg ( y1 :o may read ?is book4 ,rememb] t ) sc>cely an exception 7,i don't ?9k ! infallibility ( ! ,pope is ackn[l$g$ 9 ^! conv5ts7 e ,roman ,ca?olic t5et is unblu%+ly held & taught 9 ! ?ree conv5ts :i* ?is book ref]s to4 ,roman ,ca?olic lit]ature ( ! mo/ advanc$ type is con/antly us$ 9 !m4 ,ano!r advantage t ,i hope & feel sure w arise f /udy+ ?is little book1 w be f\nd 9 ! rem>kably cle> def9ition ,miss ,povey has be5 enabl$ to give ( ! ?ree celebrat$ & ess5tially ,romi% v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity1 & ob$i5ce4 ,^! self-same v[s are j n[ be+ spok5 ( a good deal1 & _m are tell+ u t !y are to be an ess5tial elem5t 9 ! new bro!rhoods :i* ! ,bi%op ( ,ro*e/] has s lately1 9 ! ,upp] ,h\se ( ,convocation & 9 8 ,tri5nial ,*>ge1 advocat$4 ,i _c b hope t ,god has rais$ up1 at a mo/ opportune mom5t1 a witness aga9/ ! imposition ( su* v[s1 :e!r on m5 or wom54 ,i hope x may lead ^? :o are fav\rable to ! s*eme to fav\r x no m4 ,is x n palpable to all t j z si/]hoods are made ! secret repositories ( extreme ,romi% education1 practices1 & lit]ature1 s likewise w bro!rhoods be made to s]ve a simil> purpose8 ,we are c]ta9ly liv+ 9 8p]il\s times10 & x is amaz+ to behold ! _s ( indiff]5ce 9 qu>t]s :]e we might lea/ expect x1 n only ) reg>d to ! great /rides ,ritualism is mak+1 s t ,prote/ant ,evangelicalism is well nigh eclips$1 b ?is indiff]5ce is z great ) reg>d to ! advance ( ,romanism & ,jesuitism1#a & 7sadde/ result ( all7 to ! build+ ( s _m hundr$s ( ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts & mona/]ies 9 ! ,unit$ ,k+dom4 ,!re are 9 exi/5ce societies = ! prev5tion ( cruelty to *ildr51 & = ! prev5tion ( cruelty to animals2 b al?\gh ! cruelties & tortures1 call$ p5ances1 :i* are inflict$ on _m a poor helpless nun are great] ?an ^? inflict$ on animals1 ! man :o raises up 8 voice aga9/ ?is wor/ =m ( inhumanity is c\nt$ unlov+ & bigot$4 ,believe me1 ! unlov+ ones are ^? :o l5d any c\nt5ance :atev] to1 or :o d n make a righte\s prote/ aga9/1 ! conv5tual & mona/ic sy/em1 accord+ to :i* discipl9es1 hair-%irts1 sc\rg+s1 & v>i\s o!r =ms ( cruelty & degradation are employ$4 ,d we n see t1 if ?is sy/em is all[$ to advance 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 ^! v p5ances 7_m ( :i* d exi/1 all ( :i* may exi/1 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl& conv5ts71 :i*1 )\t any d\bt1 exi/ 9 ,romi% conv5ts1 w be inflict$ ) equal sev]ity 9 ,engli% ,*ur* conv5ts4 ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes does n speak ( prison-l und]gr\nd cells 9 ,fa!r ,ignatius's conv5ts1 & we believe1 !re=e1 t anyh[ at pres5t !y d n exi/ 9 !m4 ,b %e does speak ( p5ances1 & %e has felt !m4 ,9 br++ my ,preface to a close1 ,i w give a /atem5t ) reg>d to ! ,*ur* ( ,engl& conv5t 9 ,wood/ock ,road1 9 ! ,city ( ,ox=d1 f\nd$ by ! late ,dr4 ,pusey4 ,?is /atem5t has be5 made by a cl]gyman ( ! ,e/abli%$ ,*ur*1 :o is p]fectly prep>$1 if ne$ be1 to give 8 "n4 ,9 ! summ] ( #ahff1 ,i 0 travell+ f ,ox=d to ,london1 & !re happ5$ to be 9 ! same railway c>riage "o ( ! lead+ tradesm5 9 ! city ( ,ox=d4 ,our conv]sation turn$ ^u ! advances :i* ,romanism 0 app>5tly mak+ 9 ! ,unit$ ,k+dom1 & conspicu\sly by ! influ5ce ( a c]ta9 section n[ well kn[n z ,rituali/s 9 our own ,*ur*4 ,he ask$ me if ,i _h notic$ a build+ :i* 0 be+ erect$ 9 8,! ,p>ks0 7,ox=d71 & :e!r ,i 0 aw>e t ow+ to a clause 9 ! lease ( ! gr\nd1 & "s complications aris+ !refrom1 ! own]s ( ! edifice _h det]m9$ ev51 if necess>y1 to surr5d] ! lease1 & transf] ! mat]ials to a freehold site 9 ano!r "p ( ! city8 ,i rem>k$ t su* a c\rse look$ suspici\s1 made my own comm5ts on x1 &1 :5 opportunity (f]$1 act$4 ,dur+ a /ay 9 ,ox=d a few days subsequ5tly1 ,i w5t "o aft]noon to see = myself1 & on com+ to ! build+1 ask$ ! cl]k ( ! works1 or =eman1 if ,i might look r\nd x4 ,hav+ done s1 ,i f\nd ! fabric almo/ complet$1 b 0 /ruck by an app>5t loss ( space ow+ to ! height ( ! walls f ! gr\nd1 )\t any o/5sible object4 ,i obs]v$ a small door1 directly und]nea? ! ma9 entrance1 & on exam9ation f\nd x padlock$1 b see+ t ! /aple 0 n cl5*$1 ,i remov$ x ) ! po9t ( my umbrella1 & ?us ga9$ entrance to :at prov$ to be a long corridor1 "r & left ( :i* cells 7 erect$1 b n complet$4 ,z rapidly z ,i c\ld ,i took a g5]al survey ( ! :ole arrangem5ts1 replac$ ! /aple & padlock1 & be=e leav+ express$ my be/ ?anks to ! =eman1 :o 0 engag$ ) "s workm5 9 a %$ at ! entrance to ! premises1 erect$ q ap>t f ! build+4 ,i !n talk$ ) him ab\t ! peculi> con/ruction ( ! build+1 & ask$ him :y ! walls 7 built s z to leave a great space betwe5 ! f\ndations & fir/ floor4 ,he /at$ t ?is 0 = ! purpose ( v5tilation only4 ,i !n rem>k$ t x 0 unusual to see build+s s con/ruct$1 & !n ,i said1 8,0 t all80 ,he volunte]$ ! /atem5t t !re 0 no?+ 9 ?is space und]nea? ! fabric b ! ext]nal walls4 ,happ5+ to "k diff]5tly1 ,i drew my own conclusions1 & left4--7,sign$7 4 ,f9ally1 let u hope t ,god's p ?r\gh\t ,engl& w make x a matt] ( daily int]cession to ! ?rone ( ,grace t conv5ts1 :e!r ,anglican or ,roman ,ca?olic1 may be utt]ly aboli%$4 ,i s9c]ely tru/ t ?is book w be read z a witness ( :at ,god's good provid5ce & sov]eign grace h done = ! writ] ( ?is int]e/+ n>rative1 & !re=e c d = o!rs4 ,may ! ,_s ( ! liv+ ,god t op5$ ! eyes ( ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes1 be p\r$ out abundantly to op5 ! eyes ( _m 9 ?is l&1 :o are sitt+ 9 d>kness & ! %ad[ ( dea?4 ,& may !y be l$1 by ! same ,_s1 ?r\gh ! "o only ,m$iator betwe5 ,god & man1 ev5 ,jesus ,*ri/1 to obta9 fell[%ip ) ! ,fa!r1 toge!r ) all o!r spiritual bless+s 9 ,*ri/ ,jesus1 8accord+ z ,god ha? *os5 u 9 ,him be=e ! f\ndation ( ! _w40 ,&1 f9ally1 may ,he also enable !m to 8/& fa/ 9 ! lib]ty :]e) ,*ri/ ha? made !m free40 ,w4 ,,lancelot ,,holl&4 ,,all ,,sa9ts' ,,vic>age1 ,,hat*am ,,p>k1 ,s4,e41 ,febru>y1 #ahij4 ,,introduction4 ,9 s5d+ =? ?is book to ! _w1 ,i w\ld h x cle>ly und]/ood t x is n my desire to injure any "o4 ,i only wi% t ! mi/akes ( my life may prove a w>n+ to o!rs & prev5t !m f tak+ ! /ep ,i did4 ,i feel x to be a solemn duty1 :i* ,i owe to ,god1 to put be=e ! public conv5t life 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 z ,i f\nd x4 ,naturally ,i %r9k f ! task1 = ! ,"m ( ! ,fel?am conv5t has always act$1 z f> z my exp]i5ce goes1 consci5ti\sly1 & x 0 9 no way on h] acc\nt t ,i felt b\nd to )draw f conv5t life4 ,besides ,fa!r ,ignatius himself once seem$ to love me z 8 8little daught]10 & 0 exce$+ly k9d to me4 ,let x be rememb]$ t ,i 0 !n b a *ild & a v simple & inexp]i5c$ "o4 ,9 "o s5se1 x is n aga9/ him p]sonally t ,i am writ+1 yet1 9 ano!r1 x is1 because he 0 head ov] all1 add$ to :i*1 he made a p]sonal application to my "m to give me up to him = ,god's s]vice1 & ?us he 0 responsible = see+ t my life 0 made at lea/ endurable2 in/ead ( :i*1 he gave me up entirely into ! h&s ( a c]ta9 ,"m ,sup]ior1 :o 7,i w\ld speak ! tru? 9 love7 0 a zeal\s & tyrannical woman4 ,believ+ x1 !n1 to be my duty1 ,i n[ take up my p51 & may ,god guide x1 s t1 9 ,8 h&s1 x may be ! means ( sav+ "y girls & wom51 & "y m5 & boys1 f inflict+ on _! relatives ! bitt] pa9 & sorr[ :i* ,i caus$ my own de> "m & fri5ds4 ,may _m by ?is w>n+ be sav$ f ! bitt] disappo9tm5t :i* 0 my lot1 :5 ,i f\nd conv5t life s diff]5t 9 practice & reality f :at 9 !ory & fancy x seem$ to be4 ,in/ead ( x be+ ! 8,gate ( ,heav510 z x is sometimes said to be1 my exp]i5ce 0 t x is mu* ne>] ano!r gate4 ,i feel conv9c$ too t1 if ! tru? c\ld only be got at1 x w\ld be discov]$ t my exp]i5ce 0 n an exceptional "o4 ,i h he>d t x 0 ,/4 ,*ryso/om :o said1 8,a monk1 by ! v nature ( ! life he leads1 is ei!r an angel or a devil10 & ,i seldom1 if ev]1 knew a monk or boy1 a girl or woman1 :o1 soon] or lat]1 did n turn into some?+ :i* 0 f> remov$ f t :i* is angelic1 ?\gh at _! entrance into t "n ( 8,pax10 !y 71 to all appe>ances1 8p]fect sa9ts40 ,in/ead ( be+ ennobl$ by ! mona/ic & conv5tual life1 my exp]i5ce has be5 7& ,i h _h an exp]i5ce ( "s sev5te5 ye>s1 & h come 9 contact ) a goodly numb] ( p]sons liv+ "u v[s7 t ! life is f> f hav+ an ennobl+ influ5ce4 ,life ( ?is k9d g5]ally causes ^? :o lead x to become mean1 petty1 & selfi%1 & no selfi%ness c equal a nun's1 p>ticul>ly :5 nature incl9es h] to be s4#b ,nuns are ei!r cru%$ slaves or tyrants1 & (t5 s puff$ up ) pride t !y look ^u 8secul>s0 z a race ( be+s f> bel[ !mselves1 & :o1 z ! ,lady ,prioress ,w]eburgh us$ to say to u1 8%\ld ?9k !mselves highly hon\r$ to h ! privilege ( a nun condesc5d+ to speak to !m40 ,i w\ld ask all :o read ?is /ory to ov]look ! lack ( /yle & ord] :i* may be app>5t1 b ,i am n[ v mu* occupi$ 9 e>n+ my bread1 & c only give a few night-h\rs occasionally to ! task1 & ,i h nev] be5 accu/om$ to "w ( ?is k9d4 ,,*apt] ,i4 ,,my ,,reasons ,,= ,,becom+ ,a ,,si/]4 ,f ! e>lie/ "t t my memory goes back1 ,i lov$ ,jesus1 ?\gh ,i knew v little ab\t ,him--only :at my de> "m taught me1 & %e 0 :at is t]m$ a 8%y ,*ri/ian40 ,b ,i (t5 wi%$ t p w\ld talk m ab\t ,him1 at lea/ to me2 & z a little girl ,i us$ to look at p1 & wi% !y w\ld speak to me ( ,jesus1 ?\gh ,i 0 too timid to put my ?\ghts into words4 ,:5 ,i 0 ab\t f\rte5 ye>s ( age1 9 ! ye> #ahfh1 !re 0 a great /ir ab\t a new prea*] :o prea*$ at sev]al city *ur*es1 includ+ ,/ ,edmund's1 ,lomb>d ,/reet1 & ,/4 ,e!lburga's1 ,bi%opsgate4 ,8 "n 0 ,fa!r ,ignatius2 he 0 a ,*ur* ( ,engl& cl]gyman1 & call$ himself a monk4 ,at t p]iod ,i happ5$ to be on a visit to my aunt1 & my si/] wrote & told me t ,fa!r ,ignatius prea*$ mona/icism1 t he _h a mona/]y & w\ld soon op5 a conv5t4 ,i rememb] h[ ,i ?\ght ev]ybody 0 turn+ to ,roman ,ca?olicism2 & ,i made up my m9d n to g ne> ?is /range man4 ,s at fir/ ,i w\ld n g to he> him1 ?\gh someh[ ,i 0 v anxi\s to see him4 ,at la/ my "m p]suad$ me to g1 & ,i he>d him prea* ! love ( ,jesus z ,i _h nev] be=e he>d x4 ,i recollect h[ my "m pres5t$ me to him1 & h[ he took my h&1 & said1 8,god bless y1 de> *ild60 ,?\gh he said nei!r m nor less ,i 0 won1 & f t mom5t ,i felt compell$ to dwell on all 8 do+s1 & to dr9k 9 8 words4 ,:at extraord9>y p[]1 or mesm]ism1 is x t ?is man possesses1 enabl+ him to ex]t su* an influ5ce1 n only ov] a simple *ild1 b also ov] "y & old1 man & woman1 noble & peasant8 ,h[ (t5 h ,i ask$ myself ?is "q1 yet 9 ! c\rse ( tw5ty ye>s ,i h n solv$ ! my/]y6 ,b does he reta9 ! fri5d%ip ( ^? he w9s8 ,= a %ort "t he does1 b z a rule !y ev5tually turn away f him1 & sometimes ev5 become 8 greate/ enemies2 = he possesses a /range p[] n only ( w9n+ love1 b also ( ca/+ x away f him :5 won4 ,b ,i h some:at dep>t$ f my /ory1 :i* ,i w n[ resume4 ,i rememb] be+ 9 *ur* "o ev5+1 & we sang ! words3 ,! love ( ,jesus1 :at x is ,none b ,8 lov$ ones "k4 ,i ?\ght to myself1 8,:o are ,8 lov$ ones80 ,day aft] day ,i w5t ab\t wond]+ :o !y 74 ,i w\ld look into e face ,i met1 b ! love ( ,jesus did n seem to me /amp$ !re2 yet ,i 0 det]m9$ to f9d out1 =1 ,i said to myself1 8,i mu/ be ,8 lov$ "o60 ,at la/ ,i saw a g5tle1 pale-fac$ si/]2 & %e look$ s good & pure 7my fav\rite text 01 8,bless$ are ! pure 9 he>t07 t a sudd5 ?\ght fla%$ into my m9d t x 0 ^! si/]s1 or nuns1 :o 7 ! 8lov$ ones10 & t !re=e ,i mu/ be a si/]4 ,b ,i 0 n bold en\gh to tell any "o my ?\ghts1 besides :i* ,i ?\ght ,i 0 v mu* too "y to be a nun4 ,i recollect t j at ?is "t ,i w5t to "s private meet+s1#c held by c]ta9 si/]s1 & "o ( !m ask$ me1 on "o ( ^! occasions1 8,%\ld y l to be a si/]80 ,my he>t jump$ on he>+ ! "q1 & ,i repli$1 8,yes40 ,no m 0 said !n2 b :5 ,i aga9 w5t1 ,fa!r ,ignatius ask$ me ! same "q1 & ,i made ! same reply z be=e4 ,he !n told me to ask my "m to all[ me to be 8giv5 to ,god0 z a nun4 ,( c\rse my "m w\ld n he> ( x1 & only laugh$ at me1 & call$ me 8a goose to want to %ut myself away f "m & ev]ybody40 ,! idea1 h[ev]1 _h s tak5 possession ( me1 t ,i begg$ ov] & ov] aga9 to be all[$ to g2 b my "m w\ld n give h] cons5t4 ,e "t ,fa!r ,ignatius saw me he ask$ if ,i _h obta9$ my "m's cons5t1 & ,i 0 oblig$ to say 8,no40 ,"o day1 ,i rememb]1 he said to me1 8,well1 ask y\r "m to let y g = a mon? on a visit60 ,i d>$ n ask h] = a mon?1 kn[+ %e w\ld n grant me s long a "t1 s ,i ask$ h] to let me g = a week1 & aft] consid]+ my reque/ = two days1 %e told me ,i might g = a week4 ,i !re=e w5t = t p]iod4 ,i 0 fifte5 ye>s ( age !n2 & ! conv5t 0 at ,fel?am1 :]e ,i /ay$ = t5 ye>s4 ,b be=e ! week _h expir$1 ,i ask$ = ano!r week1 say+ ,i 0 s happy 9 ?is new life4 ,to my reque/ %e made answ]1 8,ano!r week1 b n a day ov]40 ,dur+ ?is week ! ,fa!r call$ ^u my "m1 & p]suad$ h] to 8give me to ,god40 ,v reluctantly %e gave h] cons5t1 z %e told me1 8= "o ye>1 to sick5 y ( x1 & y w soon be glad to come back home to y\r "m40 ,no "o b ,god ev] knew = ye>s aft] h[ ,i long$ to get back to my "m1 ?\gh ,i d>$ n all[ x ev5 to myself4 ,:5 my "m gave me up1 %e _h ,fa!r ,ignatius's promise n to let me take life-v[s until ,i 0 tw5ty-"o or tw5ty-five ye>s ( age4 ,! fir/ ye> pass$ away v happily4 ,i 0 "y2 & be+ small 9 /ature1 ,i 0 made a pet (1 until ano!r "y si/] came4 ,!n ! ,"m *ang$1 & %e :o _h s pett$ me sudd5ly took a dislike to me2 n t %e 0 s v unk9d4 ,b h[ ,i ye>n$ to be lov$6 ,no "o seem$ to love me1 & ,i lov$ h]1 oh1 s mu*6 ,:5 ,i w5t up to h] & said1 8,"m1 de>10 in/ead ( op5+ h] arms1 & fold+ me 9 !m z %e us$ to d1 %e w\ld turn away ) a %udd]4 ,:y %e did ?is1 ,i nev] knew4 ,i c\ld n fail to feel surprise at x1 z %e _h (t5 taught me t 8a spiritual fa!r's1 & "m's1 & si/]'s love is f> great] ?an t ( any e>?ly p>5ts40 ,i 0 sure my "m w\ld nev] ?us turn away f me4 ,oh1 h[ ke5ly ,i felt ?is coldness6 & :5 ,i w5t to b$1 ,i w\ld cry & sob = h\rs1 kn[+ t no "o 9 t h\se lov$ me1 & my he>t seem$ fit to break at su* a loveless life4 ,my "m's smile1 h] words1 & h] e look & action1 w\ld rise up be=e me4 ,i rememb]$ my si/] & de> little bro!r1 bo? ( :om ,i s fondly lov$1 & ,i w\ld ?9k1 8,oh6 if x 0 n wick$ ( me1 ,i wi% ,i 0 home02 b ,i w\ld !n blame myself = ?9k+ ?us1 = ,i consid]$ x %[$ unfai?fulness to ,god to all[ su* ?\ghts ev5 = a mom5t1 & ,i 0 afraid le/ ,god %\ld take my 8holy vocation0 f me1 & ,i w\ld also rememb] h[ ,god w\ld h ,8 sp\se =sake all o!r love t %e may love ,him1 & be ,8 alone4 ,0 !re ev] a m cruel & bitt] mi/ake8 ,cruel is ! tea*+ :i* requires a "y girl to sep>ate h]self f ! de> good "m1 :om ,god has giv5 h]1 9 ord] t %e may1 z is falsely said1 s]ve ,god )\t h9drance4 ,:at folly & delusion is x t takes possession ( u1 to ?9k t we c get ne>] to ,god1 be m pure1 m holy 9 ?is life1 & be br\ght to great] glory 9 ! next life1 by %utt+ oneself up 9 a p>ticul> h\se & nev] go+ out except to ! g>d51 ,i _c fa?om6 ,li/5 to ! text :i* br+s u up to ?is unnatural life1 or1 z we 7 told1 ?is 8sup]natural life40 8,a g>d5 inclos$ is ,my si/]1 ,my sp\se2 a spr+ %ut up10 etc4 ,ye> aft] ye> ?is text be>s u up1 c\pl$ ) ! ?\ght t su* a life is only a %ort "t 9 comp>ison ) et]nity1 :5 we %all reap ! great rew>d ( our life ( self-sacrifice4 ,bl9d] ?an ! v hea!n 0 ,i6 ,sometimes ,i w\ld /& & look ar\nd t small enclosure & ?9k1 8,%all ,i nev] 9 ?is life g f>!r ?an ?is g>d5 surr\nd$ ) trees80 ,(t5 my bra9 seem$ to turn at ! v ?\ght4 ,if only ,i c\ld h se5 a great space1 or a great sea1 x w\ld be bett]2 b !re 7 ^? trees 9 a flat c\ntry1 & no?+ beyond 7a true type inde$74 ,b !n ,i w\ld come back to my text1 z above quot$1 & ?9k t z ,god is pleas$ ) me1 no?+ else is ( consequ5ce4 ,s ,i w5t on ye> aft] ye>1 any?+ b happy1 yet n d>+ to let myself ?9k ( turn+ back4 ,(t5 did ,i ,,long to speak ( "m & ( ! de> ones at home1 b ,i c\ld n )\t break+ ! rule1 8nev] to speak ( our e>?ly relations except to ,god 9 pray]40 ,if we broke ?is rule1 we _h to confess x ! same day1 & p]=m ! prescrib$ p5ance ( los+ ! h\r's recreation1 d "s m5ial "w1 & keep sil5ce dur+ ! only h\r we _h set ap>t = conv]sation4 ,at ! end ( my fir/ ye> my "m wrote to ,fa!r ,ignatius dem&+ me back4 ,%e wrote to me at ! same "t1 tell+ me %e 0 com+ to fet* me2 b ! ,fa!r gave me no advice on ! subject1 & ,i c\ld h gone back z f> z cons5t f my sup]iors w5t4 ,at t "t !y gave me my "m's lett]1 :i* ( c\rse !y _h read 7all lett]s are read by ! ,"m fir/72 b :at ab\t ! tea*+ & in/ruction t _h gone be=e8 ,:at ab\t ! awful words ,i _h he>d t1 8%\ld ,i ev] ev5 look back1 ,i %\ld !n be unmeet = ! k+dom ( ,god08 ,:at ab\t ! example ( ,lot's wife1 s (t5 set be=e u8 ,%e only look$ back1 & h[ t]rible ! imm$iate result6 ,:at w\ld happ5 7,i ?\ght7 to "o esp\s$ to ,*ri/1 if %e n only look$ back1 b delib]ately turn$ f ! 8pa? t leads to life10 z we 7 in/ruct$8 ,n ev5 = "o second did ,i d>e to all[ myself to ?9k x4 ,i w\ld n g back1 & did n4 ,my "m wait$ ano!r ye>1 & came ?is "t to ! conv5t )\t writ+1 s t ,i might n be influ5c$ be=eh&4 ,oh6 mo!rs1 little d y "k ! influ5ce t is always at "w3 & yet y\r *ildr5 d>e n ev5 wi% to tell y1 = x w\ld be a t]rible s9 to tell ev5 y any?+ ab\t t influ5ce1--x w\ld be a grave sc&al to d s4 ,b x is equally a great s9 to hide any?+ f our ,sup]ior2 we are di/9ctly told nev] to conceal any?+1 n ev5 our mo/ secret ?\ghts1 f our ,sup]ior4 ,%\ld we h a great temptation to leave ! life we _h ent]$ on1 or any great temptation to rebel aga9/ conv5t rules1 we 7 expressly told to make x kn[n at once1 t we might h ! b5efit ( our ,sup]ior's advice4 ,rememb]1 too1 t self-exam9ation comes ?ree times a day6 ,"o morn+1 at ! ,communion1 ! ,fa!r sudd5ly turn$ r\nd1 say+3 8,if any si/] 9 ?is *apel has "o s+le unfai?ful ?\ght ( go+ back to ! _w1 ,i d>e h] to come to ?is alt>1 & t\* ) h] lips ! sacr$ ,body & ,blood ( h] ,god4 #8,woe be to him ?r\gh :om ! (f5ce come?6'0 ,we 7 all />tl$1 & ,i said18,"l1 is x ,i80 ,b x 0 n me1 = ,i w\ld r h suff]$ torture ?an commit s great a s94 ,a c]ta9 lay-si/] /ay$ beh9d at t "t1 & ,i ask$ h]1 :5 ! next opportunity (f]$ itself to me1 if %e _h ?\ghts ( look+ back8 ,%e repli$3 8,i told ! rev]5d ,fa!r la/ night1 ,i ?\ght ,i ought to g home to my fa!r to keep h\se = him1 z my "m 0 dead40 ,! read] w p]ceive t ?\gh we 7 n %ut 9 by lit]al bolts & b>s1 we 7 b\nd by some?+ v1 v mu* m effectual--ev5 by ! nameless & unexpla9able fe> ( be+ guilty ( ! t]rible s9 ( go+ back to ! _w4 ,h[ fe>fully real & effectual is ?is feel+6 ,my "m & si/] !n came to fet* me1 & ,i 0 s5t alone into ! p>l\r1 t !y might see h[ little ,i 0 app>5tly influ5c$ by any outside pressure1 & t ,i might tell !m t ,i _h a wi% ( my own free w to rema9 9 ! conv5t4 ,at ?is int]view1 "s "o1 unkn[n to my "m1 01 ( c\rse1 )9 e>%ot1 accord+ to rule2 b ,i did n fe> t1 = ,i _h no int5tion ( go+ back1 & ?us los+ ! virg9's cr[n 9 heav51 :i* ,i s mu* covet$1 & :i* c\ld only be obta9$1 z ,i !n suppos$1 by rema9+ true to my holy call+4 ,my si/] 0 evid5tly ex]cis+ great self-re/ra9t at ?is int]view1 & c\ld sc>cely refra9 f weep+2 my own "m sobb$1 & my he>t 0 wrung1 & yet ,i d>$ n ?9k ( go+ home4 ,almo/ *ok+ ) emotion1 & /ret*+ out my arms & fold+ !m ar\nd my "m's neck1 ,i gasp$3 8,"m1 d>l+1 ,i ,,d love y2 b ,i belong to ,god1 & ,i d>e n g back40 ,te>s bl9d me1 ev5 n[ :ile ,i write1 z ,i ?9k ( t awful /ruggle1 :i* ,i _h be5 taught 0 "r & pleas+ to ,god4 ,at la/ my "m 0 able to speak1 & %e said3 8,?is is ! second "t ,i h tri$ to get y away1 & y refuse to come4 ,n[1 m9d1 ,i %all nev] come to see y aga91 or write to y1 b y w live to rep5t ! day y ev] %ut y\rself up 9 a conv5t1 & rememb] t ,i w h no?+ m to d ) y :ile y are "h2 b if ev] y %\ld want a home1 :ile ,i h "o1 x is y\rs also40 ,%e w5t on to say3 8,fa!r ,ignatius w get tir$ ( y "s day1 !n :at w y d if y\r "m is no m80 ,my reply 0 7rememb]+ :at a great pet he made ( me1 & also h[ ,i _h read & be5 told t 8! love ( spiritual p>5ts 0 s mu* /rong] ?an t ( any e>?ly p>5t073 8,y are1 de> "m1 v k9d2 b ,i am sure ! rev]5d ,fa!r w nev] *ange40 ,& s ,i truly ?\ght4 ,?is wr5* f all home-ties well nigh broke my he>t2 yet ,i d>$ n ev5 ?9k ( leav+ ! conv5t1 ?\gh 9 my he>t ( he>ts ,i deeply wi%$ ,i _h nev] tak5 up t 8gold5 pl\gh40 ,ah6 _h ,i only n tak5 x up1 !re w\ld h be5 no s9 9 wi%+ = home aga92 b n[ x 0 f> diff]5t1 = x seem$ to me1 at ! "t1 t 9 ,god's great goodness ! pa? _h be5 %[n to me d[n :i* ,i mu/ walk1 & t ,i mu/ ) det]m9ation *oose ! good1 & ca/ aside e ?\ght ( return+ to ! _w4 ,& s ,i *ose :at ,i _h be5 taught 0 ! good1 & no "o until n[ kn[s ! bitt] /ruggle ,i pass$ ?r\gh4 ,h[ (t5 did ,i recall ?is day1 or r ,i c\ld n drive x f my memory :il/ sleep+ or wak+6 ,x (t5 drove sleep f my eyes1 & my con/ant ?\ght 01 8,if only ,i c\ld put my arms r\nd my "m's neck1 & kiss h] j once m60 ,at la/ all 0 arrang$ = me to take ! black veil1 & ,i ev5 _h ord]s to write = my "m to come & see ?is impos+ c]emony1 z x is really a novice's entire dea? to ! _w1 & we are all[$ to see our ne>e/ relative be=e we die4 ,i 0 told ,i might g into ! visitor's room to see my "m if %e came2 b ?\gh my ,sup]ior said x 0 lawful to see h]1 yet %e advis$ me n to g1 z x might prove a cause ( great di/raction4 ,:5 ,i 0 fir/ told ,i might g into ! room :]e my "m 0 to come1 my he>t leap$ = joy4 8,n[10 ,i ?\ght1 8,i %all be able to kiss h] once aga940 ,b !n ,i rememb]$ all ! advice ,i _h be5 giv51 & ,i want$ to be 8p]fect02 s1 = ! love ( ,jesus1 z ,i ?\ght1 ,i gave up ! privilege & joy ( kiss+ my own de> "m6 ,z a rule1 we only saw fri5ds beh9d ! grille1 ) a ?ird p]son1 :o mu/ be a pr(ess$ nun1 to li/5 & report u %\ld we make a slip 9 our conv]sation1 or sc&alize a secul> by repeat+ any?+ t %\ld n be told4 ,h[ev]1 aft] all1 my tak+ ! black veil & ?us becom+ a pr(ess$ nun 0 put (f1 z ! sup]iors c\ld n agree z to :at place ,i 0 to take 9 ! community4 ,! rev]5d ,"m wi%$ me to keep :]e ,i 0--! rev]5d ,fa!r wi%$ me to be rais$ above six or sev5 :o 7 old]1 & _h be5 pr(ess$ "s ye>s back4 ,s9ce nei!r w\ld waive _! wi%es1 ,i _h to wait1 & consequ5tly1 ,i nev] took ! black veil1 or life-v[s1 & nev] saw my "m aga91 z :5 ,i left conv5t life %e 0 n alive4 ,,*apt] ,,ii4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,ent]$ ,,^u4 ,9 ! beg9n+ ( ,novemb]1 #ahfh1 ,i w5t on a %ort visit to ! 8,b5$ict9e conv5t ( cloi/]$ nuns10 at ,fel?am4 ,fa!r ,ignatius1 :o claims to be ! fa!r1 f\nd]1 & reviv] ( mona/icism 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 _h turn$ an old f>m-h\se at ,fel?am into a conv5t4 ,! 8rule0 giv5 to ! nuns by him c be procur$ at any ,roman ,ca?olic publi%]s4 ,x is entitl$ 8,! ,holy ,rule ( ,/4 ,b5$ict1 translat$ by a ,prie/ ( ,m\nt ,mell]ay40 ,!re are o!r translations ( ! rule1 b ?is "o is mu* m /rict ?an any o!r :i* ,i h read4 ,aft] a "t ,fa!r ,ignatius gave u =ty-n9e obs]vances to keep4 ,^! 7 really mu* /rict] ?an ! rule itself1 & !y 7 to be read e day1 & ! lea/ transgression _h to be writt5 d[n & s5t 9 to our ,sup]ior at ! close ( ea* week1 9 addition to ! usual confession to a prie/4 ,! ,fel?am ,"m nev] wi%$ u to make a confession to h]1 ?\gh ! ,"m at ,llan?ony insi/$ ^u ev]y?+ be+ disclos$ to h]4 ,to ^! =ty-n9e obs]vances1 lat] on1 7 add$ ab\t =ty-n9e m1 s t we 7 h$g$ all r\nd by !m1 sleep+ or wak+4 ,transgressions ( ^! obs]vances 7 8conv5t s9s40 ,i h already relat$ h[ my visit = a week 0 soon l5g!n$ out1 & ,i w n p>ticul>ize ^? fir/ & e>ly exp]i5ces4 ,x 0 9 ,febru>y1 #ahfi1 t ,i 0 receiv$ into ,fel?am conv5t z a po/ulant4 ,!re is a =m to g ?r\gh :5 a po/ulant is receiv$4 ,! ,sup]ior asks3 ,:at do/ ?\ desire ( u8 ,po/ulant4--,to be admitt$ into ! h\se ( ,god4 ,sup]ior4--,none c ent] our gates b su* z seek to be ! sp\se ( ! ,lamb4 ,po/ulant4--,i po/ulate = ! habit ( ! heav5ly esp\sals 9 ! ,holy ,ord] ( ,/4 ,b5$ict4 ,sup]ior4--,do/ ?\ promise to obey ! rules8 ,po/ulant4--,i d4 ,aft] a few m que/ions & answ]s1 ,i 0 prop]ly made a po/ulant1 & ?\ght myself at heav5's gate4 ,on ,april #ac?1 two mon?s aft] my reception z a po/ulant1 ,i took1 z a novice1 ! ?ree conv5tual v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity1 & ob$i5ce4 ,i w\ld rem9d ^? ( my read]s :o may be ignorant ( ^! ?+s1 t :il/ ! v[ ( ob$i5ce is put la/ 9 ord]1 yet x is ( ! fir/ importance4 ,i rememb] well ! day ,i took ^! v[s4 ,i 0 attir$ 9 :ite1 & wore a bridal veil & wrea?4 ,i recollect t ano!r girl 7,flor5ce ,s by "n7 /ood ) me--,i %\ld r say knelt4 ,toge!r we wait$ to sacrifice ourselves ^u ! alt> ( ,god1--n by ! sacrificial knife1 t w\ld be b ! "w ( a few seconds--b by ! daily & h\rly sacrifice ( ev]y?+ t we lov$4 ,:5 "s ( ! difficulties & trials ( my new life 7 set be=e me1 ,i _h no fe>s4 ,i 0 9 a /ate ( high joy at ! ?\ght :i* _h be5 burnt into my s\l1 viz41 t ,i 0 esp\s$ to ! ,k+ ( k+s1 & t ,i 0 ! ,lamb's bride n[ & = ev]4 ,h[ c\ld fe> ruffle my _s :il/ "u ?is spell8 ,besides1 h[ %\ld a girl ( my age 7,i 0 b fifte5 at ?is "t7 h any notion ( :at sorr[1 & trial1 & tr\ble meant1 especially1 z 0 ! case ) me1 :5 an affectionate "m _h lov+ly & c>efully conceal$ f me any evils t might come 9 aft] ye>s8 ,! anticipation ( any evil 9 ! future seem$1 h[ev]1 to fade into insignificance1 s9ce ,i 0 uplift$ above t]re/rial ?+s by--,i really "k n h[ be/ to describe x--by ! ?\ght ( ,him :om ,i reg>d$ z my heav5ly ,lov]4 ,nev] did any girl or woman love h] lov] or h] husb& m ?an ,i did ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 ^: bride ,i ?\ght myself to be1 because ,i _h tak5 ^? ?ree v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity1 & ob$i5ce4 ,i sometimes felt z if ,i mu/ die2 s ov]p[]$ 0 ,i ) love t ,i c\ld sc>cely brea!4 ,(t5 s9ce t "t h ,i ask$ myself1 8,:at 0 x t ,i s lov$80 ,if x _h be5 ! love ( ! heav5ly ,bridegroom1 t seem$ z x 7 to saturate me1 w\ld t si/] :o knelt at my side on ?is occasion h be5 p]mitt$ 9 aft] ye>s to make my life su* a mis]y to me1 t ,i c\ld no long] live a cloi/]$ life8 ,:at or :o x 0 ,i "k n2 all ,i "k is t :oev] or :atev] x 01 x obta9$ possession ( my fir/ love--! undivid$ love ( my :ole be+2 b t love is gone1 & ,i d n ?9k ,i c\ld ev] love ) ! same full1 pure1 & int5se love aga94 ,t love1 fix$ on a lov] exi/+ only 9 ! imag9ation1 & impress$ on my pla/ic & y\?ful m9d1 c>ri$ me ?r\gh a conv5t exp]i5ce la/+ = sev5te5 ye>s4 ,& !n x vani%$4 ,! illusion 0 dissipat$1 ! ignis fatuus 0 qu5*$1 & ,i 0 left alone 9 my mis]y1 & x seem$1 = a "t1 t n[h]e c\ld ,i f9d ! lov$ "o = :om ev]y?+ & e "o _h be5 sacrific$2 b bett] = me 0 ?is mis]y ?an t fool's p>adise4 ,b ,i mu/ return to my /ory1 aft] ?is digression1 :i*1 h[ev]1 ,i hope _m y\?ful read]s may p]use & take w>n+ f4 ,my companion & ,i knelt1 z ,i h m5tion$2 & ?us1 ^u our knees1 we wait$ = ! augu/ c]emony att5d+ ev] ?is mock m>riage4 ,all heav5 seem$ to op51 & all ( e>? seem$ to be pass+ away4 ,i recollect t1 aft] _m que/ions _h be5 put to1 & responses made by u1 & :5 sweet words1 set to sweet] music1 _h be5 sung1 !re rea*$ our e>s "s su* words z ^!3 ,! ,bridegroom w\ld h ,8 bride leave fa!r1 "m1 h\ses1 l&s1 & all e>?ly loves1 9 ord] t1 z ! apo/le sai?1 %e may be "o _s ) ,him4 ,my daught]1 can/ ?\ d ?is8 ,to ?is we made reply sev]ally3 ,9 ,8 /r5g? ,i leave all1 t ,i may foll[ ,*ri/4 ,!n ! rev]5d ,fa!r utt]$ ^! words3 ,bew>e1 my daught]1 be=e putt+ ?y h& to ! gold5 pl\gh1 = curs$ %alt ?\ be if p]*ance ?\ looke/ back4 ,to :i* ! novice !n repli$3 ,i %\ld !n be unfit = ! k+dom ( ,god1 & repeat$ ! words ( ,scripture3 ,:5 any "o v[e? a v[ unto ! ,"l1 he %all d all t proce$e? out ( 8 m\? 7,num4 xxx4 #b72d & aga9 we quot$ ,ecclesia/es v4 #d4 ,aft] :i* !re 0 sung 9 sweete/ music1 ?ree times ov]3 ,to obey is bett] ?an sacrifice1 & to he>k5 ?an ! fat ( rams3 promise unto ! ,"l y\r ,god1 & keep x4 ,i truly imag9$ t ,i 0 v[+ to ! ,"l2 & ,i _h he>d t ,god 0 love1 & t !re=e x mu/ be sweet to obey ,8 voice1 & s ,i will+ly v[$ unto ! ,"l 9 ^! words3 #a4 ,i v[ holy pov]ty1 t ,i w possess no?+ z my own1 or receive aught1 save at ! h&s ( my ,sup]iors1 or ) _! p]mission4 ,s help me1 ,god4 ,am54 #b4 ,i v[ holy *a/ity dur+ ! "t ( my noviciate4 ,s help me1 ,god4 ,am54 #c4 ,i v[ entire1 unque/ion+1 & absolute ob$i5ce to ! ,fa!r & ,"m ,sup]ior1 dur+ ! t]m ( my noviciate4 ,s help me1 ,god4 ,am54 ,my bridal veil 0 !n remov$1 & my hair cut (f q %ort2 !n ,i retir$1 & put on ! s]ge habit ( a nun1 & came back1 & ,i _h plac$ ^u me ! scapul> ( ob$i5ce1 ! cord ( *a/ity1 & ! s&als ( pov]ty4 ,besides ^!1 ,i aga9 put on ! nun's veil & bridal wrea?4 ,my companion & myself 7 !n giv5 new names4 ,i1 ,jane ,m>y ,povey1 0 call$ 8,si/] ,m>y ,agnes ( ! ,holy ,*ild ,jesus02 ,flor5ce ,s 0 call$ 8,si/] ,m>y ,w]eburgh ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t40 ,! foll[+ hymn 0 !n sung1 :i* ,i mu/ give 9 full1 z x af=ds su* an insight into ! delusion ( conv5t life4 ,i believe ,fa!r ,ignatius is ! writ] ( ?is hymn3 ,f>ewell1 ?\ _w ( sorr[1 ,unre/1 unpeace1 & /rife2 ,i leave !e = ! ?re%old ,( ! cele/ial life4 ,f>ewell1 _w ( sadness2 ,f>ewell1 e>?ly joys2 ,lo6 my he>t is seek+ ,bliss t nev] cloys4 ,/ra9s ( heav5ly music1 ,sights surpass+ fair1 ,/eal ^u my s5ses1 ,fall ^u m9e e>4 ,joy ( ageless gladness1 ,peace t none c tell1 ,bani%es all sadness1 ,satisfies me well4 ,langui%+ = ,jesus1 ,long+ = ,8 love2 ,?us ,i'll j\rney onw>ds1 ,to my home above4 ,body1 s\l1 & _s1 ,to my ,"l ,i give2 ,ye>n+ to behold ,him1 ,dy+ :il/ ,i live4 ,9 ! lone1 /ill night-wat*1 ',mid ! noon-tide light1 ,ye>ns my s\l = ,jesus2 ,"h x seems all night4 ,pant ,i = ! morn+1 ,& ! day-/>'s gleam1 ,:5 9 endless sun%9e ,dies e>?'s we>y dream4 ,upw>ds1 !n1 & onw>ds1 ,so>s my joyful s\l ,jesus' arms are op51 ,jesus' he>t my goal4 ,!n my ,love %all kiss me1 ,call me all ,8 own1 ,wrap me 9 ,8 brightness1 ,re/ me ne> ,8 ?rone4 ,smil+ fondly on me1 ,m9dful ( ?is day1 ,:5 ,i v[$ me to ,him1 ,i %all joy = aye6 ',mid ! ?rong ( virg9s1 ,9 ! lily's vale1 ,:]e our ,sp\se is fe$+1 ,sunbeams nev] pale4 ,all is love & beauty-- ,jesus1 ,he is !re2 ,all is peace & pleasure1 ,all surpass+ fair4 ,alleluia6 *ant we1 ,9 our conv5t praise2 ,%ad[+ =? ! hymnals1 ,:i* we !n %all raise4 ,praise we n[ ! ,fa!r1 ,) ! glori\s ,son2 ,praise to ,god ! ,_s ,likewise %all be done4 ,am54 ,dur+ ! s++ ( ?is hymn ! newly made novice kneels1 & all ! si/]s come1 ) light$ tap]s1 to kiss & embrace _! new si/]2 aft] :i* a procession is =m$1 tap]s are c>ri$1 inc5se is burnt1 & ^! words are sung3 ,! wise virg9s took oil 9 _! lamps2 !y w5t 9 ) ,him to ! m>riage1 & ! door 0 %ut4 ,^! words 7 sc>cely f9i%$1 :5 a door 0 sudd5ly & l\dly slamm$2 & x seem$ h>d to realize t we 7 /ill 9 ! fle%1 & !re came to my heat$ imag9ation "s /range expectation ( ! beatific vision4 ,no wond] t bra9s are turn$1 & "y & inexp]i5c$ he>ts are delud$ & l$ a/ray by su* an impos+ c]emony1 :i* no words ( m9e c adequately describe4 ,y mu/ h be5 on ! spot fully to realize x4 ,i w\ld impress v /rongly on all :o read ^! pages a fact t ,i ?9k is n g5]ally kn[n1 viz41 t !re is 9 ! conv5t no diff]5ce :atev] betwe5 a novice & a black-veil$ or fully pr(ess$ nun ) reg>d to v[s or rule1 save t ! latt] v[s = life1 & ! novice = a "t4 ,yet ! novice believes t %e has no m "r 9 ! sight ( ,god to g back f h] v[s ?an a life-v[$ nun has4 ,,*apt] ,,iii4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,pov]ty4 ,i purpose n[ to write a %ort *apt] on ! ,v[ ( ,pov]ty4 ,by ?is v[ a nun has /ripp$ h]self ( ev]y?+2 %e no long] possesses ! "r to use any?+1 or any memb] ( h] body1 )\t ! p]mission ( h] sup]ior4 ,body & s\l1 h&s1 eyes1 & feet1 are all giv5 up2 !re=e ! nun may n use h] h&s or h] feet ev5 to p]=m a k9d & helpful action = h] fell[-nuns1 )\t fir/ go+ to ask ! leave ( h] ,sup]ior4 ,(t51 especially at fir/1 ,i did n und]/& my obligation1 & consequ5tly ,i w\ld act )\t p]mission1 & br+ ^u myself ! necessity ( p]=m+ "s p5ance1 t my s9 might ?us be aton$ =4 ,a nun may be almo/ p>*$ ) ?ir/1 yet %e mu/ n dr9k ev5 a cup ( cold wat] )\t fir/ f9d+ ! ,sup]ior & ask+ h] leave1 & ev5 !n %e may n obta9 x2 & if leave is grant$1 %e may be c5sur$ = h] alleg$ want ( mortification4 ,! nun :o has tak5 ?is v[ ( pov]ty mu/ nev] possess or make use ( any?+ :i* has n be5 ei!r giv5 or l5t to h] by ! ,sup]ior1 nei!r c %e borr[ or l5d any?+ )\t leave4 ,?is k9d ( exi/5ce really eng5d]$ ! mo/ abom9able selfi%ness1 & ,i nev] saw any selfi%ness to equal a nun's4 ,h] v[ ( pov]ty makes h] selfi%4 ,%e has no?+ b :at is dol$ out scantily by h] ,sup]ior2 & :5 %e does get any?+1 %e takes good c>e to keep x1 n kn[+ :5 %e w receive ! l aga94 ,?is does n apply to any?+ great & valuable1 b su* trifles z p9s & ne$les1 or cotton1 or a piece ( pap]1 or a fl[]-pot4 ,to give or l5d a fl[]1 a picture1 a ?imble1 a ne$le1 a book1 or any?+ else1 )\t leave1 is to break ! ,v[ ( ,pov]ty1 = :i* confession mu/ be made1 & rep>ation by public p5ance4 ,any?+ s5t by ! p>5ts or relations ( ! nuns may be dispos$ ( z ! ,sup]ior likes2 & %\ld x be giv5 to ano!r nun1 we 7 told1 8,let ! si/] = :om t gift 0 s5t bew>e ( murmur+ at h] ,sup]ior's wisdom40 ,(t5 did ,i h pres5ts tak5 f me1 )\t =m or c]emony1 & giv5 to ano!r1 my face be+ c>efully wat*$ :il/ ! transf] 0 be+ made1 to see h[ ,i bore ! trial1 or if ,i betray$ any signs ( criticis+ ! actions ( my ,sup]ior4#e ,i rememb] t once a de> little *ild 0 br\ght into our community2 & be+ v fond ( *ildr51 & ?9k+ ( my bro!rs1 ,i held out my arms to ! *ild1 & 0 on ! po9t ( kiss+ him1 :5 ,i he>d ! au?oritative voice ( ! rev4 ,fa!r1 say+1 8,si/] ,agnes1 sit d[n4 ,n )\t leave2 y %\ld ask fir/40 ,i col\r$ z if accus$ ( "s great crime1 & sat d[n1 b 0 too a%am$ :5 recreation "t came to ask to kiss him !n4 ,i _h only be5 a novice = a few mon?s1 & did n ?9k ( my v[ ( pov]ty be+ brok5 by us+ my arms1 or lips1 or w1 )\t leave4 ,ano!r "t--x 0 at ,*ri/mas--,i sav$ a m9ce-pie to give away to ! fir/ poor p]son :o came to ! door4 ,i 0 portress !n4 ,an old man came1 & ,i relat$ at recreation h[ pleas$ he 0 ) my gift2 b1 alas6 ,i br\ght d[n ^u myself a little lecture1 & 0 told t ,i _h no "r to give conv5t prop]ty away4 8,b10 said ,i1 8x 0 m9e--my v own40 ,:]eupon ,i le>nt t = me ! words 8m9e0 & 8?9e0 did n exi/1 s9ce by ?is v[ ( pov]ty ev]y?+ belong$ to ! ,fa!r ,sup]ior4 ,we might n ev5 borr[ a pocket-h&k]*ief1 ?\gh1 z we 7 all[$ b ?ree1 x 0 (t5 v necess>y to borr[ "o1 = we c\ld n )\t p]mission ev5 wa% !m )\t break+ rule4 ,if a si/] br\ght ) h] sev]al doz5s1 !y w\ld be di/ribut$ accord+ to ! ne$s ( ! community1 & ! re/ put away = future use1 z ! new novice w\ld be break+ h] v[ by reta9+ m ?an %e ne$$ = pres5t use4 ,we 7 v =tunate 9 be+ all[$ pocket-h&k]*iefs at all4 ,i "k ano!r ,engli% si/]hood :]e ! nuns are only all[$ h>d blue-*eck$ du/]s1 & z ! rev4 ,fa!r & ,"m & si/]s h ! disgu/+ habit ( snuff-tak+1 !y mu/ f9d ^! du/]s v inconv5i5t4 ,%\ld we use any o!r article 9 lieu ( a pocket-h&k]*ief1 x mu/ be confess$1 & rep>ation made by hold+ su* article up high at ! ,magnificat1 9 ! pres5ce ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 s t all :o 7 assembl$ might see t we _h robb$ ,god ( :at we _h promis$4 ,aga91 if we broke any article1 or put x to an improp] use1 ! p5ance consi/$ 9 plac+ ! said article1 or piece ( x1 ^u ! head4 ,un=tunately = me1 ,i 0 fam\s = break+ ma*9e ne$les1 & consequ5tly ,i _h to balance !m on ! top ( my head1 :i* 0 no easy matt]4 ,aga91 %\ld we c>elessly leave any?+ out ( its prop] place1 we _h to we> t ?+ ! :ole ( ! day4 ,on two or ?ree occasions ,i h be5 adorn$ ) a pail2 ,i h _h a bru% & du/pan r\nd my wai/1 & a l>ge coil ( clo!s-l9e r\nd my neck4 ,i hope my read]s w n[ und]/& a little bett] :at is impli$ by ! v[ ( pov]ty4 ,?is has be5 a %ort *apt]1 b n1 ,i ?9k1 an unimportant "o4 ,,*apt] ,,iv4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,*a/ity4 ,! ,v[ ( ,*a/ity is brok5 by all[+ any "p ( ! arm to be se5 above ! wri/1 s t if we %\ld be engag$ 9 clean+ furniture1 or scrubb+ floors1 or wa%+ clo!s1 we are n all[$ to turn up our sleeves2 & z ! "u g>m5ts are made ( co>se s]ge ) long sleeves1 :i* are only *ang$ once a =tnight ?r\gh\t summ] & w9t]1 ! discom=t ( ?is may easily be imag9$4 ,h[ev]1 ! feet may be q b>e all ! ye> r\nd1 = ^? ( u1 at lea/1 :o 7 consid]$ /rong en\gh1 z x is q 9 accordance ) ! ,v[ ( holy ,pov]ty1 to g )\t socks1 /ock+s1 or s&als4 ,z ,i 0 v anxi\s to become a sa9t1 ,i gladly w5t ab\t ) b>e feet = two w9t]s1 until ,i _h a bad c\gh1 & 0 !n n all[$ to d s any m4 ,(t5 my feet 7 s swoll5 & cov]$ ) blood t ,i c\ld sc>cely move1 b ,i 0 r pleas$ at ?is1 because ! sa9ts endur$ l afflictions4 ,by sa9ts ,i mean ^? m5 & wom5 :o h be5 canoniz$ by ! ,*ur* ( ,rome4 ,to ?is s\rce we w5t 9 ord] to f9d examples ( h[ we might foll[ ,*ri/4 ,( c\rse our lady1 ! 8,"m ( ,god10 z ! ,*ur* ( ,rome calls ! "m ( ,jesus1 0 always set be=e u z an example4 ,!n we 7 9 ! habit ( plac+ our holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict be=e u2 !n to ! v>i\s sa9ts1 monks & nuns ( our holy ,ord] ?r\gh\t ! _w we w5t1 & aga9 to all ! sa9ts :o _h be5 pron\nc$ bless$ by all ! ,popes :o _h ev] liv$4 ,!re is "o sa9t1 8bless$ ,john ,b]*mans10#f :o is br\ght prom95tly =w>d 9 ! 8,diurnal ( ! ,s\l10 :o p>ticul>ly irritat$ me1 because he 0 s p]fect 9 e iota ( 8 life4 ,i us$ to almo/ wi% he _h be5 occasionally c>eless1 or _h n[ & aga9 lo/ 8 temp]4 ,:il/ read+ 8,! ,monks ( ! ,we/10 ,i 0 q /agg]$ by ! :olesale self-but*]y sev]al ( ^! sa9ts practis$ aft] _! conv]sion4 ,i c\ld nev] und]/& "s ( ^! sa9ts4 ,/4 ,b5$ict1 9 ord] to ov]come temptations to break 8 ,v[ ( ,*a/ity1 is said to h jump$ into a b$ ( ?orns & bri>s4 ,i ?\ght ,i w\ld be be=e him1 & prev5t evil ?\ghts ev5 pres5t+ !mselves1 s ,i obta9$ p]mission to /+ myself ) /++ nettles twice a week1 & cont9u$ to d s = ye>s1 ?\gh x hurt me dreadfully = two days aft] ! op]ation4 ,a nun or novice breaks h] ,v[ ( ,*a/ity by all[+ ! dress ( a secul> lady to bru% by h] sacr$ habit1 or by rais+ h] eyes to a lady's face :5 speak+ to h]1 or by rais+ h] eyes at any "t except dur+ ! "o h\r's recreation4 ,%\ld h] bro!r or fa!r come to see h]1 %e mu/ keep h] face closely veil$ f _! view4 ,v1 v seldom is %e s5t to speak to any o!r man1 & !n only if conv5t duty makes x a necessity4 ,x 0 q impossible to kiss or %ake h&s ) any "o1 z we 7 only all[$ to see visitors ?r\gh a small grille1 ! holes ( :i* 7 ab\t an in* squ>e1 :ile a pr(ess$ nun 0 always ne> to he> :at 0 said4 ,aft] a "t ! rule became /rict]1 & ! grille 0 cov]$ ) a ?ick baize curta91 & we receiv$ ord]s1 9 addition to keep+ our l>ge ?ick veils d[n bel[ ! *91 n to draw ! curta9 back to speak ev5 to a woman4 ,x 0 also a great s9 to speak to1 or let any secul> wom5 see our faces4 ,i rememb] at "o "t we _h a *>woman to "w1 & ,i 0 s5t to sweep ! kit*51 ) ord]s to keep ! veil l[ d[n ov] my face4 ,9 va9 did ,i try to sweep1 = ,i c\ld n see1 & d>$ n raise my veil4 ,at la/ ! poor woman tri$ to take ! broom1 say+1 8,let me d x40 ,i d>$ n all[ ?is1 = 9 s do+ ,i %\ld h be5 guilty ( ! s9 ( disob$i5ce1 & = ! same reason ,i d>$ n speak4 ,%e tri$ h>d to get ! broom1 & ,i tri$ h>d to keep x1 )\t speak+4 ,at la/ ,i 0 almo/ =c$ to op5 my m\?1 & ,i said to h]1 8,?ank y1 b ,i mu/ d x40 ,s ,i f9i%$ ! "w1 & !n 9 fe> & trembl+ confess$ my fault to ! rev]5d ,fa!r4 ,he 0 v angry1 & made no excuse = my awkw>d position1 b told me n to attempt to ju/ify my conduct1 & t !re 0 no excuse = an act ( disob$i5ce4 ,z a puni%m5t1 he s5t me !n & !re to recite ! :ole ,psalt]4 ,%\ld we gr[ to love a si/] v mu*1 we are spe$ily =bidd5 to speak to1 or hold any communication ) h]4 ,?is ( c\rse does n ref] to our ,sup]ior1 z %e is 9 ! place ( ,god to u4 ,%\ld we put our arm ar\nd a de> "y si/]'s neck or wai/1 or ev5 take hold ( h] h&1 su* conduct w\ld be a brea* ( ?is ,v[ ( ,*a/ity1 & we mu/ confess t we h be5 too demon/rative 9 our affections t[>ds a spiritual si/]4 ,9 ,butl]'s 8,lives ( ! ,sa9ts10 we read t 8,/4 ,cl>e 0 s *a/e t %e w\ld n ev5 t\* h] fa!r's h&40 ,x 0 diff]5t ) our ,sup]ior's h&1 z x 0 ! rule to kiss t h& :5 receiv+ ! bless+4 ,9 reg>d to confession1 ! same rules 7 obs]v$ z h always exi/$ 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,rome4 ,e ?\ght1 ^w1 & de$ _h to be confess$1 & we _h to answ] any "q ! prie/ might put to u1 z no?+ is wrong ! prie/ asks 9 confession2 at lea/ ?is is :at we 7 told4 ,! prie/ ,i confess$ to = ! great] "p ( my conv5t life made me cle>ly to und]/& t all he said to me 0 = myself alone1 & 0 n to be repeat$4 ,he bid me keep no?+ back1 & told me t if ,i did hide any kn[n s9 ,i %\ld be guilty ( sacrilege1 my confession w\ld be r5d]$ invalid1 & ,i %\ld be putt+ myself 9 ! position ( ,ananias & ,sapphira4 ,:5 ,i _h f9i%$ my confession1 he us$ to ask sev]al times1 8,are y sure y h told me ev]y?+80 ,x w ?us be se5 t !re is no loophole or excuse to keep any?+ back1 & ,i nev] did4 ,twice he ask$ me ! mo/ outrage\s que/ions1 :i* made me almo/ %riek1 8,no6 ,oh1 no60#g ,i _h be5 to him = "s ye>s1 & _h laid my :ole life op5 to him1 & !re really c\ld be no occasion = him to put su* que/ions to me on subjects t _h nev] be=e be5 pres5t$ to my m9d1 9 any %ape or =m4 ,?is prie/ is dead n[1 & ,i seldom confess$ to ano!r4 ,aft] ,i _h be5 a si/] & "u 8 direction = n9e ye>s1 he advis$ me to leave t conv5t4 ,:y he gave ?is advice1 ,i d n "k2 b ,i repli$ at once t ,i w\ld nev] g back4 ,,*apt] ,v4 ,,! ,,v[ ,,( ,,ob$i5ce4 ,! ,v[ ( entire1 unque/ion+1 & absolute ,ob$i5ce r5d]s ! ,sup]iors tyrants & _! subjects slaves4 ,a novice1 or nun1 mu/ give up h] w1 consci5ce1 judgm5t1 reason1 & h] intellect1 & mu/ be m]ely a tool 9 h] ,sup]ior's h&s4#h ,%e may n speak to h] ,sup]ior )\t fir/ pro/rat+ h] :ole body to ! gr\nd1 kiss+ ! hem ( h] 8sacr$ habit10 & !n1 leave to speak be+ giv51 %e may address h] ,sup]ior1 kneel+ on bo? knees1 ) ! eyes fix$ on ! gr\nd4 ,%e mu/ li/5 to h] voice z ! voice ( ,god2 = has n ,god address$ ea* nun ) "s su* words z1 8,! ,"l ha? 9 ,8 wisdom set ?y ,sup]ior1 & h] alone1 ov] !e1 & ,he w only accept ?y ob$i5ce ?r\gh ?y ,sup]ior08 ,( c\rse we soon le>nt to look ^u our ,sup]iors z possess+ infallibility4 ,9 ! words ( ! ,lady ,prioress ( ,llan?ony conv5t3 ,:at ! ,pope is to ,roman ,ca?olics1 t a ,sup]ior is to a nun4 ,i _c err1 9 reg>d to y2 ?\gh ,i may d wrong or make mi/akes 9 reg>d to matt]s belong+ to myself1 yet ,i _c err z reg>ds y1 = our ,"l w\ld n p]mit ?is4 ,!re=e1 no matt] :at ,i d or say to y1 x mu/ be "r1 s f> z x conc]ns y2 x is ,god's w = y1 & ! v slighte/ rebellion aga9/ my wi% or ord]s1 ev5 9 ?\ght1 is rebellion aga9/ ,god4 ,9 8,! ,rule ( our ,mo/ ,holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict0 7,burns ,oates71 on page #ec1 ^! words occur3 8,! ?ird degree ( humility is t a man1 = ! love ( ,god1 submit himself to 8 ,sup]ior 9 all ob$i5ce1 imitat+ ! ,"l1 ( :om ! apo/le sai?1 #8,he 0 made ob$i5t unto dea?4' ''' ,& 9 ord] to %[ t we ought to be "u a ,sup]ior1 ! ^w ( ,god says1 #8,?\ ha/ plac$ m5 ov] our heads4'0 ,t ?is is a mo/ extraord9>y & utt]ly unw>rant$ application 787 ( ,scripture1 ,i ne$ sc>cely po9t out to my intellig5t read]s4 ,( c\rse ! ,fa!r ,sup]ior is z infallible z ! ,"m ,sup]ior2 & yet ,i h he>d ! ,llan?ony ,"m frequ5tly criticise ! rev]5d ,fa!r's do+s :5 8 actions did n exactly fall 9 ) h] ideas1 or if !y at all cla%$ ) h] w4 ,?is ,"m1 too1 (t5 accus$ me to ! rev]5d ,fa!r ( ?+s ,i _h nev] done4 ,i recall to m9d an occasion :5 ,i 0 sm>t+ "u "o ( ^! unf\nd$ accusations1 & h[1 9 an agony ( m9d1 ,i exclaim$1 8,x is n true1 & %e kn[s x is n true40 ,! ,fa!r ,sup]ior comm&$ me to be /ill1 & li/5 to ,god speak+ to me4 ,practically we 7 taught t ! ,"l only reveals ,8 w to u ?r\gh our ,sup]iors4 ,a nun mu/ obey ! conv5t bell z if x 7 ! voice ( an angel4 ,if %e %\ld be writ+ :5 ! bell s\nds1 %e mu/ in/antly lay d[n h] p51 )\t ev5 wait+ to f9i% ! =mation ( a lett]2 & z an example ( h[ pleas+ su* in/ant ob$i5ce is to ,god1 we 7 told t a c]ta9 sa9t 0 call$ ?ree times :il/ recit+ ! (fice ( ! ,bless$ ,virg92 %e obey$ promptly1 & on return+ & tak+ up h] book1 %e f\nd ! lett]s writt5 9 gold2#i & ?us1 ev5 9 ?is life1 0 h] p]fect ob$i5ce rew>d$4 ,:5 ! bell r+s1 or a ,sup]ior calls1 ev]y?+ mu/ be left at once1 ev5 ?\gh ! nun kn[s full well %e w be p5anc$ = leav+ ?+s ab\t1 & yet %e d>es n /ay to put !m away )\t a brea* ( ?is ,v[ ( ,ob$i5ce4 ,once ,i 0 9 ! 8,lady ,*apel10 decorat+ ! %r9e1 & ! bell rang be=e ,i _h cle>$ ! fad$ fl[]s away4 ,by rule ,i d>$ n leave !m1 & by rule ,i d>$ n cle> !m away1 & ( ! two evils ,i *ose to cle> away ! fad$ fl[]s4 ,soon ! ,lady ,prioress ( ,llan?ony came d[n1 look$ at me1 & !n slamm$ ! doors1 :i* %ut me out ( ! nun's *oir4 ,i 0 aft]w>ds reprov$ by ! ,sup]ior1 :o said to me3 8,si/] ,agnes1 if y g on 9 ?is way v mu* long]1 y w f9d y\rself at la/ :]e y are n[1 outside ! doors ( heav51 ) ! gate %ut40 ,! tru? is1 a nun's ob$i5ce mu/ be bl9d 9 its "*2 !re mu/ be no wait+ to consid] consequ5ces1 = by h] v[ %e has r5\nc$ all claim to h]self1 & %\ld ! ,sup]ior comm& h] to d :at %e believes to be ev5 wrong & s9ful1 x is h] duty to simply obey )\t a "q1 s9ce ! responsibility re/s r ^u ! ,sup]ior :o gave ! comm& ?an ^u ! nun :o obeys x4 ,9 obey+ a ,sup]ior1 a nun is m sure ( do+ ,god's w ?an if an angel came d[n f heav5 to give a comm&1 see+ t ,satan c trans=m himself into an angel ( light2 b !re c be no possibility ( mi/ak+ ! ,sup]ior's voice6 7s we 7 taught74 ,ob$i5ce to ,god be+ ! only sure road to heav51 su* ob$i5ce1#aj = a nun at lea/1 c only be r5d]$ pleas+ & acceptable to ,god ?r\gh ! *annel ( h] ,sup]ior2 s1 )\t /rict ob$i5ce to ! ,sup]ior1 !re c be no hope ( heav54 ,?us a nun mu/ act z "o :o is n responsible to ,god = h] actions6 ,i pity ! ,sup]iors1 :o h n only ^u !m ! weight ( _! own s9s1 b also t ( all ! nuns "u _! c>e6 ,!y h yet to le>n t salvation is n ! rew>d ( man's ob$i5ce1 b ! free gift ( ,god1 by fai?1 )\t works4 ,,*apt] ,,vi4 ,,! ,,dawn ,,( ,,spiritual ,,light4 ,i _h be5 9 ! conv5t n[ = "s eight ye>s1 /riv+ aft] p]fection2 b a we>isome task x 01 ev] /riv+ to obs]ve all ! m9uti ( conv5t rules1 ev] confess+ e little deviation f ! ?ree v[s a=em5tion$4 ,i _h be5 taught t baptism _h made me a *ild ( ,god2 t orig9al s9 _h1 by virtue ( t rite1 be5 tak5 away2 b t1 subsequ5tly1 if ,i wi%$ to reta9 ,god's fav\r1 ,i mu/ confess e s9 ( omission & commission1 9 ?\ght1 ^w & de$2 & t %\ld ,i conceal wilfully any matt]1 h[ev] trivial1 my et]nal salvation w\ld be endang]$ by any su* concealm5t4 ,x is p]haps difficult = ^? :o h nev] be5 "u su* a h>d yoke to imag9e ! m5tal torture su* a sy/em creates4 ,i 0 (t5 fill$ ) fe> le/ ,i _h n rememb]$ ev]y?+1 & x is no easy matt] to look back ?r\gh a :ole life & lay ev]y?+ b>e be=e ,god1 9 ! pres5ce ( a man1 :om we are told to =get entirely1 & ?9k we are b repeat+ ev]y?+ to ,god1 :o kn[s all be=eh&1 b :o wills t we %\ld come to ,him 9 ?is way2 & :atev] %ame is felt 9 ?us op5+ our he>ts & all its w9d+s1 mu/ be accept$ will+ly z a small suff]+ = our s9s4 ,sometimes a matt] seems s silly or trivial t "o ?9ks x n necess>y to confess x4 ,b ! v fact ( n wi%+ to confess x proves x to be wrong1 & !re=e x mu/ be confess$4 ,= ye>s ,i w5t ?us to confession1 consci5ti\sly & scrupul\sly decl>+ ! :ole ( my inn] & out] life4 ,?us did ,i /rive to f9d ! peace ,i s long$ =1 & ,i mu/ say ,i did enjoy a c]ta9 satisfaction ( m9d until ,i inadv]t5tly broke "s conv5t rule4 ,a s9 ( ang] w\ld be mortal2 & _h ,i di$ )\t confession ( ?is s9 to a prie/ & obta9+ absolution1 !re w\ld h be5 v little1 if any1 hope ( my s\l's salvation4 ,i w\ld (t5 confess1 & weep te>s ( real pa9 & bitt] sorr[ at my +ratitude to ,god1 aft] ,8 wond]ful condesc5sion 9 call+ me into ! 8,religi\s ,life10 :ile s _m :o possibly w\ld h gr[n f> holi] ?an myself 7 left 9 ! _w1 nev] ev5 hav+ ! opportunity ( ga9+ s bright a cr[n1 or ( be+ s ne> to ,jesus h]eaft]4 ,i w\ld resolve & pray t ,i might nev] d any?+ wrong aga9/ rule 7! rule is ! nun's guide to p]fection1 x be+ ! only way t ,god int5ds h] to rea* p]fection7 or any?+ else2 & to atta9 ?is p]fect /ate1 ,i w\ld (t5 sp5d my recreation & sleep "t 9 mak+ nov5as to ! bless$ ,virg91 recit+ ! ,ros>y & ,litany ( ! bless$ ,virg91 or 9 invok+ ! sa9ts2 b !y nev] seem$ to answ] me1 & ev5 :5 ,i r$\bl$ my ef=ts1 ,i s\ght _! help 9 va94 ,x 0 v difficult = me n to break rule sometimes1 & (t5 x w\ld be impossible to p]=m ob$i5ce1 z we _h sometimes half a doz5 ob$i5ces to fulfil at ! same "t1 or we _h "s ord] giv51 & :5 x 0 accompli%$1 we w\ld be sev]ely reprov$ = tak+ ^u u to d>e to d su* or su* ?+s2 & %\ld we try & expla9 our conduct1 by t v explanation at lea/ half a doz5 rules 7 brok5 /raightway1 namely1 sil5ce brok51 self-ju/ification1 answ]+ ! ,sup]ior1 unwill+ness to take unju/ rebuke ) great gratitude1 etc41 = all ( :i* we _h h>d p5ances impos$4 ,! result 0 t at times ,i 0 9 a /ate ( cont9ual p5ance1 & consequ5tly 9 prolong$ disgrace1 :il/ "s si/]s :o 7 n s consci5ti\s 9 confess+ faults1 & do+ p5ances prescrib$ by rule1 7 deem$ f> holi] & mu* high] up ! ladd] ?an myself4 ,at la/ ,i ?\ght myself s bad t ,i lit]ally despair$ ( ev] rea*+ p]fection1 or ( go+ to heav5 at all4 ,b my ,fa!r ,confessor did n ?9k me s bad1 &1 9 fact1 he flatt]$ me1 & decl>$ t he ?\ght v highly ( me2 b ?is only t5d$ to al>m me1 z ,i ?\ght ,i mu/ be deceiv+ myself & him too1 & ,i told him ?is1 b he assur$ me t ,i mu/ n ?9k s1 & t he felt sure ,i c\ld n h su* a bad op9ion ( myself4 ,h[ev]1 = mon?s & mon?s ,i 0 afraid to g to sleep le/ ,i %\ld awake 9 hell2 & ,i 0 equally afraid to get up le/ "s accid5t %\ld come ^u me1 & !n ,i %\ld be ca/ into p]dition4 ,s ,i 0 always ask+ to g to confession at e little fault or brea* ( rule4 ,at la/ ! climax came1 :5 "o day ! foll[+ passage f ! writ+s ( ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori 0 read al\d3 8,a s\l may yet be damn$ = s9s :i* h already be5 confess$40 ,h[ to keep sil5ce ,i knew n1 = ,i felt h[ t]ribly ,i _h be5 deceiv$ 9 be+ told t s9 confess$ is s9 =giv54 ,! next day ,i ask$ leave to g to my ,fa!r ,confessor1 & :5 ,i 0 9 8 pres5ce he ask$ me3 8,si/] ,agnes1 h y come to confession80 ,i repli$1 8,no1 ,i h n1 = ,i don't believe 9 confession1 or 9 any?+1 or anybody1 or ev5 9 myself1 & ,i sc>cely believe !re is a ,god at all40 8,de> si/]1 :at is ! matt] ) y8 ,i h nev] se5 y l ?is be=e4 ,i always ?\ght y v good40 ,!n ,i quot$ ! words ( ,liguori :i* _h s upset me1 & add$3 8,y told me t ev]y?+ ,i confess$ 0 =giv51 & ,i believ$ y2 b n[ ,i f9d x is n true40 ,he made at once ! be/ explanation he c\ld ( ,liguori's mean+1 reconcil+ ! words ) 8 own app>5tly contradictory /atem5t3 bo? 7 "r !n4 ,be t z x may1 ,i ?9k t f t day ,i lo/ fai? 9 ! value & efficacy ( confession1 ?\gh ,i 0 oblig$ /ill to g to x4 ,x 0 j at ?is phase ( my exp]i5ce t ,i began to ?9k ab\t c]ta9 tea*+ t ,i _h he>d vague & indi/9ct rum\rs (2 namely1 t salvation 0 :olly ! "w f9i%$ = s9n]s by ! ,savi\r's aton+ blood4 ,i _h fanci$ t !re 0 no tru? 9 ?is1 & _h imag9$ x 0 "s new doctr9e introduc$ by ,me?odi/s4 ,f9d+ myself 9 su* a dilemma1 ,i began to ?9k a good deal ab\t ?is doctr9e1 & at la/ ,i he>tily wi%$ x 0 true4 ,b ,i _h be5 s long taught t sacram5ts 7 ! only sure way to heav51 t ,i _h mu* to d1 & aft] do+ my utmo/1 ,i mu/ look to ,*ri/'s "w1 s to speak1 to supply my defici5cies1 & t only :5 ,i appe>$ 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god aft] ?is mortal life c\ld ! great "q ( my salvation be settl$4 ,i _h s long be5 liv+ "u ! influ5ce ( su* tea*+ t x may be easily se5 ,i 0 n v ready to accept any o!r =m ( doctr9e4 ,yet ,i c\ld n get ! new idea out ( my head4 ,i someh[ felt conv9c$ ( ! tru? ( x1 b ,i 0 z yet too fa/ b\nd 9 ! old *a9s1 & 9 ?is /ate ( hov]+ betwe5 two op9ions ,i rema9$ = "s "t1 until at l5g? "o night ,i made up my m9d ,i w\ld n sleep till ,i _h settl$ ! "q betwe5 my own s\l & ,god4 ,! result ( ?is decision 0 t ,i det]m9$ to lay d[n at ! feet ( ,jesus all my s9s1 sorr[s1 & fail+s1 & ev5 my be/ int5tions1 & j to tru/ 9 ,8 f9i%$ "w4 ,i ?\ght ,i _h actually done ?is1 & soon fell asleep2 b on awak+ ,i felt greatly disappo9t$1 &1 kneel+ d[n be=e ! crucifix 9 my cell1 ,i confess$ to ,*ri/ h[ bitt]ly ,i _h be5 disappo9t$ 9 f9d+ t 9 tru/+ 9 ,8 f9i%$ "w1 ,i _h n be5 able to f9d any?+ beyond a v mom5t>y peace4 ,x 0 :il/ ?us kneel+ ,i felt--z truly ,i ?\ght z x is repres5t$ 9 8,pilgrim's ,progress0--! :ole burd5 ( ev]y?+ roll (f1 & a new life seem$ !n to ?rill ?r\gh me4 ,i _h n[ be51 z ,i h already said1 a nun = ab\t eight ye>s1 b my new exp]i5ce did n =ce me out ( ! old r\t9e ( conv5t life4 ,i q well rememb] t ,fa!r ,ignatius sometimes taught a doctr9e v closely alli$ to t :i* ,i seem$ lately s attract$ by1 b he muddl$ x up ) a lot ( tea*+ t seem$ to contradict x4 ,he c]ta9ly taught t all ! sacram5tal sup]/ructure1 sa9t-wor%ip1 confession1 etc41 7 only acceptable to ,god aft] we _h receiv$ ,*ri/1 & ?us x 0 t ,i 0 someh[ l$ to believe t my new exp]i5ce 0 "r1 b yet t my old life ne$ n be set aside4 ,i rememb] ,i 0 r /r5g!n$ to cont9ue ) new vig\r my self-impos$ religi\sness4 ,?us ,i cont9u$1 & x 0 only aft] an exp]i5ce ( "s sev5te5 ye>s t ,i saw t conv5t life--& any o!r life b t ( ! fai? ( ! ,son ( ,god1 :o lov$ me & gave ,8 life = me--0 no?+ else b a delusion4 ,,*apt] ,,vii4 ,,life ,,at ,,fel?am ,,conv5t4 ,t5 ye>s 7 pass$ by me at ,fel?am4 ,fa!r ,ignatius did n h v mu* to d ) u !re4 ,! ,"m1 ,i ?9k1 us$ to let him "k t %e did n consid] x a man's place to gov]n a numb] ( wom5 s entirely z he wi%$ to d4 ,besides1 he sometimes gave ord]s :i* %e ?\ght v indiscreet1 f :i* great sc&al might arise2 &1 be+ some:at old] ?an ,fa!r ,ignatius1 %e took ! lib]ty ( repres5t+ to him1 r /rongly1 h] views ab\t 8 ord]s & do+s4 ,at times he w\ld sudd5ly give ord]s f ! s-call$ 8alt>10 :]e ( c\rse no "o c\ld well remon/rate1 & :i* w\ld put ! h\sehold arrangem5ts out = ! :ole day1 ?\gh he seem$ to be 9 a great /ate ( con/]nation :5 matt]s did n g =w>d smoo?ly 9 consequ5ce ( 8 ord]s4 ,sometimes1 be=e breakfa/1 he w\ld ord] t no "o1 n ev5 ! rev]5d ,"m1 %\ld speak = a :ole day1 ?us caus+ ! utmo/ confusion1 especially among/ ! s]vants 9 ! kit*51 :o 7 includ$ 9 ! ecc5tric comm&4 ,& yet if 8 own d9n] 0 n prop]ly cook$ & s]v$ 9 "t1 he w\ld %[ great displeasure4 ,ano!r "t ,i recollect h[ he ord]$ a "y & delicate si/]1 :o 0 v ill & consumptive1 to walk b>e-foot$ 9 ! sn[ up & d[n ! g>d54 ,on ano!r occasion he ord]$ h] to c>ry a numb] ( /ones till %e _h made a great heap1 & !n1 :5 %e _h done ?is1 he ord]$ h] to c>ry !m all back aga96 ,i rememb] also t once he ord]$ a "y monk1 :o _h come to ,fel?am ) him1 to put on a high hat1 & !n to hop up & d[n ! c5tre pa? 9 ! conv5t g>d51 s t all ! nuns might see him4 ,he did ?is to te/ ! "y monk's humility & ob$i5ce1 & to see if he 0 will+ to become a fool = ,*ri/'s sake4 ,! nuns did see ?is extraord9>y sight1 & exclaim$3 8,de> ,"m1 d look at ,bro!r 4 ,is he n a p]fect fool80 ,no?+ 0 too idiotic to impose 9 ! "n ( holy ob$i5ce4 ,i h se51 = in/ance1 a bro!r1 in/ead ( kneel+ to receive ,holy ,communion1 /&+ af> (f1 hold+ up a black kettle1 & at grace1 9 ! refectory1 ) ! muddy /reet door mat on 8 head4 ,i h se5 a si/] ) a h&k]*ief ti$ ov] h] eyes1 z if %e 0 j ready = a game ( bl9d man's buff4 ,rememb]1 ^! follies 7 ord]$ to be done z p5ances1 & p5ances 7 said to be special gifts ( love f ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/6 ,:at pr(anity6 ,i am sure ! rev]5d ,"m _h ! greate/ trial 9 ,fa!r ,ignatius' freaks1 or :atev] !y may be call$2 & %e soon began to get sick ( !m1 & w\ld dread ! t5 days he w\ld sometimes sp5d at ,fel?am2 = %e nev] knew :at he 0 go+ to d or ord] next4 ,once he int5d$ to br+ a "y monk1 ill f 8 mona/]y1 to be nurs$ by a "y novice nun1 & %e 0 to devote ! :ole ( h] "t to look+ aft] him4 ,?is might h be5 well en\gh if we _h be5 si/]s ( *>ity2 b we 7 enclos$ nuns1 & 7 n all[$ to see ! face ( a man1 except1 ( c\rse1 our ,sup]ior4 ,! ,"m w\ld n he> ( su* a ?+1 or all[ ! sick monk to come to ! h\se1 z %e 0 sure x w\ld prove an occasion ( sc&al4 ,%e ?us set up h] w & judgm5t to oppose ,fa!r ,ignatius1 & %e did ?is on m ?an "o occasion4 ,b at la/ ,fa!r ,ignatius boldly ass]t$ t he 0 q det]m9$ to h no?+ b unconditional ob$i5ce4 ,! ,"m1 & ! majority ( nuns 9 ! ,fel?am conv5t1 refus$ to accept su* an unconditional ob$i5ce1 & ! result 0 t a split took place4 ,! ,"m w\ld n sign a pap] ( unconditional & p]sonal ob$i5ce1 & s ,fa!r ,ignatius said to ^? :o refus$3 8,y no long] belong to ! ord] ( ! ,monk ,ignatius ( ,llan?ony 9 ! n9ete5? c5tury40 ,h[ev]1 he took ) him ?ree nuns :o 7 ready to r5d] ! ob$i5ce he requir$4 ,i 0 "o ( ! ?ree4 ,ano!r ( ! numb] 0 ! nun :o took novice v[s :5 ,i did4 ,%e _h1 h[ev]1 mean:ile brok5 h] v[s1 & _h gone into ! _w = "s six ye>s1 & _h be5 a wife & "m4 ,h] husb& & *ild hav+ di$1 %e _h return$ to ,fel?am a few mon?s be=e ?is split _h tak5 place4 ,x is a/oni%+ to contemplate h[ absolutely ,fa!r ,ignatius requir$ u to yield our wills to 8 w4 ,:atsoev] he dem&$ 01 he said1 di/9ctly ,god's w = u1 & :atsoev] we did = him 0 ,god's w4 ,to use 8 own (t-repeat$ words3 8,x mu/ be s sweet = y to wait ^u y\r ,sup]ior1 because 9 s do+ y are really wait+ ^u ,god2 9 fact1 9 wait+ ^u y\r ,sup]ior1 l ,m>?a ( old1 y are wait+ ^u ! ,"l ,himself40 ,i c assure my read]s t we poor delud$ nuns believ$ 9 all ?is2 &1 s f> z ob$i5ce w\ld p]mit1 we lit]ally vi$ ) ea* o!r 9 wait+ ^u our ,sup]ior & prep>+ = him ! v be/ we c\ld1 = we felt t no?+ c\ld be too well prep>$ 9 wait+1 z we ?\ght1 ^u ! ,"l4 ,!re 0 no great] p5ance to u ?an to be deb>r$ f wait+ ^u 8 w4 ,if any "o 0 9 disgrace = break+ rule1 he w\ld nei!r speak nor ev5 look at h]1 nor ev5 all[ h] to kiss ! hem ( 8 sacr$ dress6 ,aft] we _h left ,fel?am a few weeks1 ,fa!r ,ignatius1 & ! wid[$ nun :o _h accompani$ him1 wrote sev]al lett]s1 9 :i* ! rebel nuns ( ,fel?am 7 exhort$ to return to _! ,fa!r1 by submitt+ to unconditional ob$i5ce4 ,he all[$ !m1 ,i ?9k1 ?ree weeks to consid] ! matt]2 & if1 at ! close ( t "t1 !y rema9$ ob/9ate1 he w\ld1 he decl>$1 excommunicate !m1 & !n ! awful curse ( brok5 v[s w\ld re/ ^u !m4 ,! ?reat5$ curse 0 at l5g? pron\nc$4 ,! alt> 0 drap$ 9 black1 & an excommunication s]vice 0 read ?r\gh4 ,i 0 greatly t]rifi$ at ?is mo/ /range yet solemn act4 ,i rememb] well ! words t 7 utt]$ at ?is s]vice3 ,unless !y rep5t ( ?is _! s91 may !y be blott$ out ( ! book ( life4 ,am51 ,am54 ,"h ! bell toll$4 ,i 0 well nigh petrifi$ ) fe>1 & ?\ght to myself1 8,c all ! ,fel?am nuns really be "u ?is awful curse80 ,at ! fir/ opportunity ,i ask$ ,fa!r ,ignatius if ! bell 0 really toll$ = ! ,fel?am ,"m & nuns8 ,he said1 8,c]ta9ly x 040 ,i exclaim$1 8,h[ awful60 ,he repli$1 8,true1 my *ild1 b x _h to be done40 ,i rememb] h[ he (t5 prophesi$ t ! community at ,fel?am w\ld only fl\ri% l a gre5 bay-tree = a "t1 & t ere long x w\ld pass out ( exi/5ce2 & ,i mu/ hone/ly confess t he did 8 v utmo/ to br+ x to n\ght1 by ef=ts to draw away fri5ds & support f x4 ,x has ev] be5 a peculi>ity ( ,fa!r ,ignatius to curse & excommunicate p2 b ^? :o are ?us curs$ only fl\ri% all ! m4 ,,*apt] ,,viii4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,at ,,slapton1 ,,9 ,,devon%ire4 ,i w n[ pass on to say a few words ab\t my life at ! ,slapton conv5t1 9 ,devon%ire1 :]e we took up our abode aft] leav+ ,fel?am4 ,we comm5c$ life 9 our new home1 :i* 0 "p ( an old *antry h\se1 ) glad1 bold1 & brave he>ts1 det]m9$ to keep ! rules :i* 7 impos$ ^u u4 ,our motto 0 8,9 omnibus glorificetur ,deus40 ,we 7 "u /rict] rule ?an we _h ev] be5 be=e1 b we 7 glad ( ?is1 z we believ$ we 7 br\ght ne>] to ,jesus ! /rict] ! rule we kept4 ,i _c say mu* = ! peace & happ9ess t fell to me "h aft] two ye>s _h pass$ away4 ,dur+ t p]iod ,i 0 h\sekeep]--,"m ,w]eburgh sacri/an1 & ,"m ,cecilia scribe4 ,i 0 greatly prais$ & flatt]$2 b !re 0 "o fault f\nd ) me1 & ?is 0 my unwill+ness to obey implicitly ! two si/]s :o 7 put above me z my ,sup]iors4 ,! fact is t bo? ^! nuns 7 jeal\s ( me1 on acc\nt ( ! good op9ion ,fa!r ,ignatius _h ( me4 ,besides1 ,i am c]ta9 t ,"m ,cecilia _h no "r to be made ,novice-mi/ress1 nor _h ,"m ,w]eburgh "r to be made ,lady ,prioress4 ,! =m] _h n be5 prop]ly pr(ess$1 & ! latt] 0 :at is t]m$ a 8desecrat$ virg910 & x 0 unlawful1 accord+ to ! con/itutions ( ,/4 ,b5$ict1 = ei!r ( !m to hold (fice4 ,x 0 n "r ( ,fa!r ,ignatius to place ^! wom5 ov] me 9 ! place ( ,god1 & to comm& me to see ,god 9 !m4 ,al?\gh ,i tri$ h>d1 ,i c\ld n submit to !m1 & ?us my life became by no means a smoo? or happy "o4 ,i may m5tion "h t1 :il/ resid+ at ,slapton1 a poor old woman 0 someh[ induc$ to sell h] little home 9 ,h]e=d%ire1 t %e might come to our conv5t2 b alas6 %e 8f\nd ev]y?+10 z %e told me1 8s diff]5t f :at ,i expect$4 ,my life is a mis]y to me4 ,i %all nev] believe 9 any?+ aga940 ,i mu/ say %e seem$ at times some:at peculi>2 b :5 a p]son ( fifty ye>s ( age beg9s life ov] aga91 & is expect$ to be z ob$i5t z %e 0 requir$ to be :5 q a little *ild1 is x to be wond]$ at t su* a return to an artificial *ildhood causes bewild]m5t8 ,x 0 no?+ else ?an devotion to ,fa!r ,ignatius t caus$ h] to give up h] home4 ,x 0 ! rule 9 *oir to hold books2 :5 sitt+1 to h ! palm ( ea* h& re/+ on ea* knee2 & :5 kneel+1 to d s p]fectly upright1 ) h&s cross$ on ea* brea/4 ,n[ ?is old woman _h n tak5 any v[ ( ob$i5ce1 & %e ei!r =got to keep h] h&s 9 a prop] position1 or did n *oose to d s2 consequ5tly ! rev]5d ,fa!r1 dur+ ! s]vice1 w\ld cross ! *oir to h] seat1 & put h] h&s 9 ! prop] position4 ,five m9utes aft]w>ds %e w\ld h !m clasp$ or fold$1 :]eon ! ,fa!r _h to come to h] aga9 repeat$ly4 ,at la/ ! poor old ?+ w\ld cry & become q hy/]ical4 ,"m ,w]eburgh told h] %e _h bett] g home1 b %e _h none to g to1 = %e _h p>t$ f h] own home1 believ+ t %e 0 com+ to "o4 ,once %e ran away & sc&aliz$ ! nuns to ! villag]s4 ,:5 %e came back1 ! ,"m s5t = ! village policeman1 z %e made out t ! poor old woman 0 viol5t2 & ) ! help ( ! policeman1 %e 0 convey$ away 9 ! c>ri]'s c>t1 & %e gave ! con/able ! money to pay h] f>e to h] own home aga94 ,! unk9dness ( ! two si/]s 0 q suffici5t to make ! old woman /range & angry4 ,i rememb] h[ %e d5\nc$ ^! nuns1 assur+ !m t ! ,"l w\ld take v5geance on !m1 & x 0 su* a spee* t caus$ ! ,"m ,sup]ior to draw ! policeman's att5tion to ! alleg$ fact t %e 0 mad4 ,! simple-m9d$ man said he c\ld 8see x40 ,n[ ?is policeman 0 made fav\rably dispos$ to ! nuns1 :5 we fir/ w5t to ,slapton1 by ! pres5t ( a leg ( mutton go+ to 8 family = a ,sunday d9n]1 & o!r gifts ( a simil> k9d4 ,! old woman 0 really no m mad ?an ,i am at pres5t1 b %e 0 (t5 made frantic ) ang] by ! conduct ( ! ,"m4 ,aft] h] return home %e wrote = "s clo!s %e _h left beh9d at ! conv5t1 & ask$ ! ,"m to return ev]y?+ t belong$ to h]1 ^u :i* ! ,"m assur$ ,fa!r ,ignatius t %e _h tak5 all h] belong+s ) h]4 ,soon aft] ?is ,i happ5$ to be at ! l95-press ) ! ,"m1 & !re ,i saw "s ( ! old woman's clo!s1 & exclaim$1 8,see1 "h are ! ?+s %e ask$ =60 ,! ,"m repli$1 8,oh1 !y are only old rags40 ,!y 7 n4 8,b10 said ,i1 8are !y n :at %e wrote =80 ,?ree times aft]w>ds %e wrote = !m1 = %e 0 badly (f1 hav+ sold all h] little e>?ly possessions to ent] ! 8holy1 happy cloi/]40 ,fa!r ,ignatius aga9 ask$ ! ,"m to s5d ! ?+s (f2 yet 9 my pres5ce %e said3 8,i assure y1 de> ,fa!r1 !re is no?+ "h ( h]s1 & to make c]ta9 ( ?is1 ,i look$ all ?r\gh ! l95 cupbo>d ! o!r day1 & c\ld n f9d a s+le g>m5t belong+ to h]40 ,i d>$ n op5 my lips1 or ev5 say a ^w to help ?is poor old woman to rega9 h] clo!s4 ,!y 7 ( no value to ! ,"m2 b once hav+ d5i$ t !y 7 !re1 %e w\ld n ackn[l$ge %e _h made a mi/ake1 & w\ld /ick to x4 ,i rememb] too h[1 :il/ at ,slapton1 an ignorant girl came to be :at is call$ a lay-si/]4 ,%e knew no?+ ( any k9d ( religion :atev]1 yet 9 a few mon?s %e made h] fir/ communion1 & took novice v[s = "o ye>4 ,i am sure %e _h no m idea ?an a new-born babe ( :at %e _h und]tak51 or :at 0 expect$ ( h]2 & ! hundr$ & "o rules we _h to con=m to 9 ea* day 7 frightfully bewild]+4 ,?is poor creature consequ5tly 0 frequ5tly break+ rule1 & 0 !re=e plung$ 9 p5ance1 disgrace & mis]y1 & really = no fault ( h]s4 ,aft] ab\t two mon?s %e 0 s5t back to ! _w1 z %e 0 always 9 tr\ble1 especially z %e 0 v fond ( talk+ to ! g>d5]1 & c\ld n see ! s9 ( an enclos$ novice talk+ to a man1 or :y %e %\ld cov] h] face ) h] veil :5 %e want$ to see him1 or any "o else4 ,z %e c\ld n make head or tail ( ! 8glori\s holy life10 & 0 ?or\ghly mis]able 9 x1 %e 0 disp5s$ f h] v[s1 & s5t away 9 a k9d _s1 :i* 0 f a prud5t motive4 ,i w m5tion ! case ( ano!r "y lady :o came to our conv5t z a po/ulant4 ,:5 %e _h be5 !re a few days1 %e felt %e _h done wrong 9 leav+ h] only bro!r1 z %e _h s mu* influ5ce ov] him = good1 & !y 7 orphans4 ,) ! ,"m's p]mission1 %e w5t back4 ,! rev]5d ,fa!r 0 abs5t at ! "t4 ,on 8 return1 he s5t (f a lett] to h]1 tell+ h] t ! curse ( ,god w\ld be ^u h]--t %e _h no fai? 9 ,god4 ,%e %\ld leave h] bro!r 9 ,8 h&s1 & he actually told h] t %e 0 a spiritual adult]ess4 ,x is important t my read]s %\ld ?or\ghly grasp ?is fe>ful moral compulsion1 :i* is ex]cis$ on impressible & easily influ5c$ m9ds4 ,& yet ! _w is told t po/ulants1 & novices1 & pr(ess$ nuns1 are q free to g back if !y *oose4 ,! lett] ( ,ignatius br\ght ?is "y lady back1 & %e 0 duly put to p5ance = leav+4 ,%e _h to cov] h] face ) a black mask1 dur+ ! div9e (fice1 :i* is recit$ sev5 times a day & once at night4 ,%e _h to sit ^u ! gr\nd dur+ ! "t all[$ to sitt+ 9 ^? (fices1 & %e 0 ord]$ to sit on ! floor to eat h] food4 ,aft] meekly go+ ?r\gh all h] p5ances = ! space ( six weeks1 %e took novice v[s1 :5 h] beautiful long hair 0 cut (f q %ort1 9 tok5 ( h] r5unciation ( ! _w4 ,%e 0 a sweet girl ( ab\t n9ete5 at ! "t1 & ,i "k full well t %e 0 z ?or\ghly mis]able z %e c\ld be4 ,:5 %e _h be5 a novice "s "t1 ! ,lady ,prioress ann\nc$ to h] publicly3 8,si/] ,erm5ild1 y h be5 a novice n[ ov] two ye>s4 ,rev]5d ,fa!r & ,i bo? ?9k x "t y made y\r pr(ession2 s please to get ready to take ! black veil40 ,al?\gh ?is pr(ession 0 made aft] we _h remov$ to ,wales1 ,i may z well give a %ort acc\nt ( x 9 ?is *apt]4 ,a solemn s]vice 0 p]=m$1 9 :i* ! nun 0 8m>ri$ to ,jesus ,*ri/1 ,son ( ! mo/ high ,god40 ,a r+ 0 plac$ on h] f+] z a tok5 & pl$ge !re(1 aft] :i* %e 0 laid out on a mattress1 ov] :i* 0 plac$ a black pall1 ornam5t$ ) a :ite cross4 ,! ,burial ,s]vice f ! ,book ( ,common ,pray] 0 !n read ov] h]1 e>? be+ solemnly dropp$ ^u h]4 ,! ,de ,pr(undis 0 sung = ! repose ( h] s\l1 aft] :i* ! alt> 0 !n dive/$ ( its black fun]al hang+s 7:i* _h be5 put on = ?is "p ( ! s]vice71 & soon aft]w>ds ,si/] ,erm5ild appe>$ 9 h] bridal attire4 ,%e 0 a new creature n[1 rais$1 s to speak1 to a new life4 ,%e 0 !n l$ to ! alt>1 be>+ 9 h] h&s a massive light$ tap]1 & we>+ a virg9's cr[n1 dur+ :i* proce$+ a hymn 0 sung3 ,dead ) me1 !n dea? is ov]1 ,dead & gone are dea?'s d>k fe>s4 ,aft] :i* came 8! curs+10 a c]emony :i* is always us$ 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* 9 ! consecration ( a virg91 & is to ! effect t-- 8,%\ld any "o attempt to draw aside ?is pres5t virg91 let him be curs$ 9 8 ris+ up & sitt+ d[n1 9 8 /&+ or walk+1 9 sleep+ or wak+1 9 eat+ or dr9k+1 etc41 etc41 & may 8 fle% rot f 8 bones1 & may he be blott$ out ( ! book ( life4 ,am51 am51 s be x40 ,aft] all ?is curs+ 0 f9i%$1 ! n[ rev]5d ,dame ,m>y ,e4 0 en?ron$ on a seat cov]$ ) ri* crimson plu%1 :i* 0 plac$ ^u ! alt> /eps1 t f !nce %e might give all :o w5t up to h] ! bless+4 ,fa!r ,ignatius l$ ! way1 foll[$ by monks1 boys1 nuns1 girls1 & z _m secul>s z felt incl9$ to g4 ,! s]vice 0 !n f9i%$4#aa ,9 less ?an a mon? aft]1 be+ 9 great tr\ble & disgrace ) h] ,sup]ior 7= :at x w\ld be a puzzle to f9d out71 ,si/] ,e4 said to me3 8,oh6 h[ ,i wi% ,i _h nev] tak5 ! black veil60 8,b10 said ,i1 8y want$ to80 ,%e said1 8,no1 ,i nev] ask$ to4 ,y y\rself he>d :at ! rev]5d ,"m said to me2 & previ\s to t1 %e _h n utt]$ a ^w on ! subject40 8,b10 said ,i1 8y "k :at ! rev]5d ,fa!r said be=e e "o1 h[ eloqu5tly he told !m t ! virg9 ab\t to be pr(ess$ 0 n yet b\nd1 & ev5 at t la/ m9ute %e 0 p]fectly free to return to ! _w if %e *ose2 b t only aft] %e _h tak5 ?is awful /ep %e c\ld n g back80 ,to :i* %e repli$3 8,yes1 he did1 ,i "k1 say s 9 public1 b y d n "k :at he said to me 9 private40 ,oh1 h[ easily ! _w is deceiv$ by su* high-s\nd+ phrases6 8,! doors are op5--all are free to leave z soon z !y l1 etc40 ,:5 p speak ( inspect+ conv5ts1 !y %\ld rememb] t to d s ?or\ghly1 some?+ beyond :at is visible to ! eye mu/ be inve/igat$1 ev5 ! int]ior ( ea* nun's he>t1 & ! t]rible moral =ce t has be5 br\ght to be> ^u x4 ,& rememb]1 too1 t if a si/]'s own "m or si/] came to see h]1 %e c\ld n discov] ! deep di/ress t s (t5 lies ^u h] daught]'s he>t4 ,no nun w\ld d>e to tell x1 ev5 to h] "m1 ?\gh h] he>t might be break+ ) mis]y4 ,%e w\ld h to appe> be=e h] "m ) ! look ( "o :o is p]fectly happy1 & ev5 smil+1 o!rwise %e w\ld be in/rum5tal 9 br++ disgrace & sc&al ^u ! conv5t1 & ?is1 at all co/1 mu/ be avoid$4 ,i h _h to appe> ?us1 look+ happy & free be=e my own "m1 :5 a few m9utes be=e ,i _h be5 cry+1 wi%+ & pray+ t ,i might die4 ,aft] ?is digression1 ,i w return to give an acc\nt ( a novice at ,slapton1 :o took v[s on ! same day z ,si/] ,e4 j m5tion$4 ,!y promis$ to let h] take ! black veil soon1 provid$ only t %e %[$ h]self a submissive *ild 7?is *ild 0 ov] ?irty71 :o _h no wi% or op9ion b t ( h] sup]iors4 ,b un=tunately = h]1 %e _h a v natural habit ( =m+ an op9ion = h]self1 & admitt$ t %e ?\ght x no h>m to d s1 z long z %e kept t op9ion to h]self4 ,b !re 0 great h>m 9 ?is 7s ! ,sup]ior said71 inasmu* z a novice %\ld be 9 all ?+s ( "o m9d ) h] ,sup]iors1 9 ?\ght1 ^w1 & de$4 ,?is novice br\ght ) h] a valuable gold wat*1 :i* %e 0 cont5t to give up = ! "t be+1 &1 accord+ to novice rules1 %e _h giv5 up h] box & keys4 ,! ,"m _h look$ into ,si/] ,f4's box1 & !re saw "s ?+s %e want$ = use 9 ! conv5t1 & %e told ,si/] ,f4 s4 ,! novice1 h[ev]1 0 n will+ t !y %\ld be us$1 z %e _h n tak5 life v[s2 9 ?is way %e fir/ drew ^u h]self ! ,"m ,sup]ior's displeasure & c5sure4 ,%ortly aft] ?is %e 0 ask$ to give up h] money to help 9 build+ a new cloi/] at ,llan?ony4 ,%e said %e 0 will+ to give up a "p b n ! :ole1 & w\ld v mu* l to put a /one 9 ! build+4 ,?us by ex]cis+ h] own op9ion %e 0 aga9 br\ght into disgrace1 & 0 told %e c\ld keep h] money1 & w\ld n be all[$ ! privilege ( putt+ a /one to ! build+4 ,%e mu/ give up all h] money or none4 ,f t "t %e 0 treat$ ) ! greate/ sev]ity1 & look$ ^u z ! (fsc\r+ ( all ?+s4 ,to make a long /ory %ort1 %e 0 soon pack$ (f f ,slapton z hav+ no vocation to ! 8religi\s life40 ,h[ /range x 0 t h] ,sup]iors 7 unable to detect ?is until !y discov]$ t %e 0 unwill+ to give up h] money to build a holy cloi/]6 ,be=e ?is !y _h a v good op9ion ( h]4 ,,*apt] ,,ix4 ,,conv5t ,,life ,,at ,,llan?ony4 ,i 0 look+ =w>d to tak+ ! black veil1 b someh[ ! ,"m _h made a firm resolve to keep me1 if possible1 f tak+ ?is /ep4 ,i may be p]mitt$ to write a few words ab\t ! pres5t ,lady ,prioress ( ,llan?ony4 ,?is lady took novice v[s ) me 9 #ahfi4 ,%e ga9$ a great reputation = sanctity by an assum$ air ( humility1 & by p]=m+ innum]able volunt>y p5ances & antics1 :i* put h] less sa9tly si/]s to mu* discom=t & disgu/4 ,i recollect h] once sitt+ next to me 9 ! refectory at d9n]1 :5 ,i saw a roa/$ maggot on h] plate1 :i* made me feel q ill4 ,i sign$ to h]1 fe>+ %e w\ld eat x unp]ceiv$1 :]eupon %e at once took x ^u h] =k1 salt$ x1 & put x into h] m\?1 look+ ! v picture ( goodness4 ,%e w\ld ( h] own free w ?r[ h]self d[n on ! floor1 & meekly kiss ev]ybody's feet1 beg _! pray]s1 & ?ank !m = be>+ ) h]1 say+ %e 0 n wor?y to be among/ u1 etc4 ,?is cont9u$ until we 7 all p]fectly sick ( h]1 z we knew q well by h] o!r words & actions t %e consid]$ h]self ! be/ 9 ! h\se4 ,sometimes %e w\ld bang h] head purposely aga9/ ! wall2 9 fact1 %e copi$ e sa9t1 ^: life %e happ5$ to be read+ at ! "t1 9 8 or h] fooli% actions1 :il/ if !y did any?+ s5sible1 %e left x out4 ,/4 ,m>y ,magdal5e ( ,piazzi1 0 h] special fav\rite4 ,si/] ,w]eburgh once plant$ a rott5 cucumb]1 to see if our ,"l w\ld make x gr[ into a plant1 :i*1 ( c\rse1 ,he did n1 ?\gh %e q ?\ght ,he w\ld4 ,?is 0 9 imitation ( a ,/4 ,t]esa1 :o1 we read1 once gave a rott5 cucumb] to "o ( h] novices 9 ord] to te/ h] ob$i5ce1 desir+ h] to plant x 9 ! g>d54 ,! novice obey$ )\t a "q1 :51 9 rew>d = h] p]fect ob$i5ce1 a plant sprang f x1 & bore fruit4 ,?is is "o ( ! miracles record$ 9 ! life ( ,sa9t ,t]esa4 ,si/] ,w]eburgh w\ld obta9 leave to g )\t h] d9n]1 & fa/ till tea-"t1 v (t51 b 0 desir$ to h "s lun*1 :i* w\ld consi/ ( dry bread4 ,! ,"m ,sup]ior at t "t nev] ask$ h] :at lun* %e _h1 b at la/ "s ( u f\nd out t %e _h a good help+ ( bread & butt]1 & a good-siz$ cup ( hot cocoa4 ,%e 0 h\sekeep] !n1 & ?us _h no difficulty 9 tak+ :at %e want$4 ,?us %e really _h m ?an we did at d9n]1 :i* (t5 consi/$ ( two small s>d9es1 ?ree or f\r small potatoes1 & half a slice ( bread1 ?9ly cut1 & "s wat]4 ,z ,i d n wi% to appe> 9 ! lea/ v9dictive1 ,i w n n[ add m ab\t ?is si/]4 ,%e 0 ! cause ( di/ress to m p]sons ?an myself1 ?\gh %e manag$ to keep h]self 9 fav\r ) ,fa!r ,ignatius1 & became q 8 model nun4 ,i w n[ tell my read]s m ( my exp]i5ces at ,llan?ony4 ,i _c say ,fa!r ,ignatius gave u a v w>m welcome to our new conv5t4 ,9 ! fir/ place1 ,i rememb] well h[ dreadfully he fright5$ me by tell+ u t ! place 0 haunt$ by evil spirits1 z well z good4 ,we 7 told by ,ignatius t he _h wat*$ a :ole procession ( devils cross ! *ur*1 :ile !y 7 at mat9s4 ,! bro!rs1 we 7 assur$1 _h (t5 se5 !m ab\t ! h\se4 ,"o bro!r at ! mona/]y decl>$ t he _h felt _! hot brea? on 8 *eek4 ,?is bro!r 0 a life-v[$ monk1 ?\gh only ab\t tw5ty-"o ye>s ( age4 ,he ran away & came back s _m times1 t at la/ he said1 8,to prev5t myself f ev] return+1 ,i %all get m>ri$10 :i* he fulfill$ by m>ry+ an op]a girl4 ,i 0 told t aft]w>ds he became a billi>d-m>k]4 ,! ,novice-mi/ress came into our room "o day1 say+3 8,i h se5 him40 8,se5 :om80 we ask$4 8,! devil10 %e repli$4 ,i 0 really fright5$ by ! tales ( ! devils :o inhabit$ ! cloi/]2 & to add to my t]ror1 ,fa!r ,ignatius & ! ,novice-mi/ress told me3 8,si/] ,agnes is ,,sure to see him40 ,i us$ to g ab\t night & day1 mak+ ! sign ( ! cross1 pray+ to our ,"l1 ! bless$ ,virg91 & to our holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict1 n to let me see any?+1 ei!r good or evil4 ,sometimes ,i did n he> ! call = ! night (fice1 & w\ld only awake at ! s\nd ( ! bell4 ,?is necessitat$ my go+ d[n a long d>k passage alone1 & return+ alone to & f ! *ur*2 besides1 ,i _h to /ay 9 ! *ur* alone aft] mat9s & lauds1 to recite ! :ole ( ! ,lam5tations ( ,j]emiah1 z a p5ance = n ris+ :5 call$4 ,n he>+ 0 no excuse2 & if we only rema9$ 9 b$ ?irty seconds aft] be+ call$1 & attempt$ to leave ! *ur* ) ! o!rs1 ! ,novice-mi/ress w\ld make signs = ! si/] :o fail$ to rise1 to /op & p]=m h] p5ance4 ,x us$ to take me a long "t to d my p5ance1 z ,i kept leav+ (f to wat* = a devil4 ,!re is suppos$ to be a miracul\s light ov] ! 8alt>10 :i* 0 po9t$ out to u on ! fir/ day ( our arrival at ,llan?ony4 ,i look$ = a long "t1 b fail$ to see any?+ b ! sun%9e4 ,at la/ ! rev]5d ,fa!r said3 8,d y see x1 ,si/] ,agnes80 ,i repli$1 8,no1 de> ,fa!r1 ,i d n see any?+ b cobwebs & sun%9e40 ,i mu/ n omit to write on a v di/ress+ subject1 & t is ! ill-treatm5t ,i receiv$ f ! ,lady ,prioress4 ,aft] ,i _h be5 ab\t a week at ,llan?ony1 %e s5t = me4 ,on com+ into h] pres5ce ,i knelt at h] feet1 & %e gave me ! hem ( h] dress to kiss4 ,x %\ld be rememb]$ t we 7 n usually all[$ to speak to ! ,sup]ior )\t fir/ pro/rat+ our faces to ! gr\nd1 & kiss+ ! hem ( h] 8holy habit40#ab ,b ,i _h bett] give ! v words ( ! rule3 8,to receive ! words ( our ,sup]ior1 humbly kneel+1 ) eyes fix$ on ! gr\nd40 ,%\ld we break ?is rule1 ! ord] 0 8to receive any p5ance our ,sup]ior lik$ to inflict40 ,my ,sup]ior on ?is occasion said1 8,si/] ,agnes1 y (t5 say y wi% to submit to me40 ,i repli$1 8,yes1 de> ,"m40 ,on :i* %e said1 8,hold y\r tongue1 & li/5 to me1 = n[ ,i am go+ to prove y2 & ! fir/ ?+1 be=e ,i say any m1 ,i mu/ ask y to take (f y\r scapul>1 = y are n fit to we> x40 ,y1 my read]s1 mu/ please und]/& t to give up ! scapul> 0 a t]rible disgrace1 & x q cut any si/] (f f _m privileges :i* are highly priz$1 su* z communion & recreation4 ,%e n[ impos$ a sev]e p5ance ^u me4 ,i _h to become a door-mat2 t is1 ,i _h to lie pro/rate 9 front ( ! *ur* door1 s t nuns1 girls1 monks1 & boys %\ld walk ov] me1 & ,i 0 n all[$ to get up until ! la/ "o _h ent]$ ! *ur*4 ,i did n m9d ! nuns & girls tread+ ^u me1 b my nature did recoil f ly+ d[n = m5 to walk ov] me4 ,!y !mselves hesitat$ a mom5t1 & !n delib]ately walk$ ov] me4 ,!y 7 "u ob$i5ce1 & _h !y refus$1 w\ld h incurr$ puni%m5t4 ,?is p5ance 0 to la/ sev5 times a day = a week4 ,! next p5ance %e impos$ 0 to make me lie pro/rate on my face 9 front ( my /all = a week dur+ ! night (fice1 :i* la/s f #b a4m4 to #c4de a4m4 ,!n a ?ird p5ance ,i _h to und]go 0 to be depriv$ ( my breakfa/1 & ?us to g )\t food till #ab4cj p4m42 & :5 ,i 0 p]mitt$ to eat1 ,i rememb] ,i _h to take my plate & kneel be=e ea* si/]1 & beg food f ea* 9 turn4 ,?\gh !y af=d$ me a g5]\s supply1 ,i 0 (t5 too ill to p>take ( x4 ,aft] endur+ two days' fa/+ 9 ?is fa%ion1 ! ,novice-mi/ress begg$ t ,i might h a cup ( tea1 & a piece ( bread at #i a4m4 ,%e told me ,i mu/ eat ?is1 or ,i %\ld become s]i\sly ill4 ,ah6 ,i did feel ill1 q wret*$6 b yet ,i long$ to be q good1 pure1 & holy1 & ?is made me submit s will+ly to ^! dreadful p5ances4 ,(t5 at ?is & subsequ5t p]iods my life 0 su* a burd5 to me1 t ,i h begg$ & pray$ t ,god w\ld let me die4 8,o ,god1 if y w\ld only grant me dea?60 has be5 my pray] ov] & ov] aga94 ,at t "t ,i _h n all[$ myself to ?9k ( giv+ up conv5t life4 ,su* a ?\ght to me !n w\ld h be5 sacrilege1 & ! v greate/ unfai?fulness to ! ,"l1 to :om ,i believ$ myself esp\s$4 ,^! words :i* _h be5 repeat$ 9 my e>s1 s\nd$ l\dly3 8,kn[e/ ?\ n t ! novitiate is a solemn esp\sal to our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 & ! consummation ( ! bridal tie ) ?y ,"l w be expect$ ( !e :5 ?\ %alt take ! f9al v[s80 ,i c\ld n =get t :5 ,i _h be5 ask$ at ! s]vice ( tak+ novice v[s4 8,:at w become ( y if y ev] turn back1 aft] tak+ up ! gold5 pl\gh80 ,i _h to make ?is reply3 8,i %\ld !n be unfit = ! k+dom ( ,god40 ,awful words 7 ^!1 words :i* seem$ l ! ann\ncem5t ( our own et]nal damnation4 ,fa!r ,ignatius n[ says1 8,:y did y d ^! p5ances8 ,y 7 at lib]ty to refuse1 & leave ! conv5t40 ,b ,i w\ld ask my read]s to try & und]/& :at t impli$1 :at t]rible m5tal torture 7a =m ( torture m cruel & bitt] ?an t impos$ ( old by ! ,inquisition7 su* a /ep involv$4 ,i am afraid no "o c realize x :o has n h]self pass$ ?r\gh x4 ,x is a madd5+ k9d ( torture1 because "o is /ra9$ up to su* a pit*1 & made to ?9k ( ! awful s9 aga9/ ,god & "o's own s\l by go+ back2 :5 = all et]nity1 by a little submission "h1 "o w\ld h]eaft] become ! spotless bride ( ! ,lamb1 & ga9 a glori\s cr[n to lay at ,8 feet4 ,i am sure t nev] did any girl ent] a conv5t1 & rema9 9 x = s _m ye>s1 ) a m s9c]e int5tion ( s]v+ & pleas+ ,god ?r\gh ! w ( h] ,sup]ior ?an ,i did4 ,i _h be5 told _m times t-- 8,god 9 ,8 wisdom has appo9t$ ! rev]5d ,"m1 & decl>es t ,he w only accept y\r ob$i5ce ?r\gh h]1 & ?r\gh h] alone40 ,& yet %e 0 ! v "o t made ob$i5ce impossible1 by giv+ me rules t 7 beyond my p[] to fulfil2 & (t5 ord]s 7 giv5 me1 :i* ,i fulfill$1 & yet w\ld aft] all be reprim&$ sev]ely = d>+ to take ^u myself to d !m4 ,aft] suff]+ mu* at h] h&s = ?ree ye>s1 ,i became conv9c$ t %e w\ld nev] treat me bett]1 & ,i made up my m9d to leave ! conv5t4 ,:5 ,i ask$ h] p]mission to leave1 %e always repli$1 8,yes1 y c g4 ,y may g at ?is mom5t if y l40 ,yet %e nev] did any?+ to fur!r my dep>ture4 ,h[ c\ld ,i g )\t clo!s to put on8 & ,i _h no?+ b my s]ge habit & cap1 & 0 )\t money = my f>e4 ,besides1 x 0 _m miles ?r\gh a wild c\ntry to ! ne>e/ railway /ation1 & ,i 0 ignorant ( ! way1 & _h be5 %ut away f ! _w = sixte5 ye>s1 f ! e>ly age ( fifte54 ,! only j\rneys ,i _h made 7 f conv5t to conv5t1 & ev5 !n we _h ?ick veils ov] our faces all ! way1 & 7 told n to put !m up1 ?\gh we 7 9 close c>riages4 ,i wrote sev]al times to my si/]1 ask+ h] to s5d me "s money to pay = my j\rney1 & to tell me h[ to get to h]1 & to meet me4 ,ov] & ov] aga9 ,i wrote to h]1 & receiv$ no reply4 ,at la/ ,i discov]$ t my lett]s 7 n s5t4 ,yet ! _w is told t nuns h free int]c\rse ) _! fri5ds outside4 ,no?+ ( ! k9d6 ,at la/ ,i wrote ano!r lett]1 & =c$ myself into my ,sup]ior's pres5ce 7= %e _h n[ =bidd5 me to g ne> h]71 & ask$ h] to all[ ! lett] to g by ?is po/4 ,i told h] t x 0 to my si/]1 & t ,i _h writt5 = j\rney money1 z ,i int5d$ to leave4 ,at ?is %e q rav$1 say+3 8,g out ( my room ?is in/ant6 ,i %all n all[ y\r lett] to g to y\r si/]4 ,y write s badly t x is a disgrace to ! conv5t2 & y\r o!r si/] has writt5 ask+ me n to let y write to h]1 z y\r lett]s worry h] s40 ,?is 0 n true1 z my si/] has s9ce told me t %e wrote to ! ,sup]ior reque/+ h] k9dly to give me a few details ab\t my "m's dea?4 ,i _h (t5 writt5 to my si/] ask+ = a piece ( my "m's hair1 & x worri$ h] s1 z my d>l+ "m 0 burnt to dea?1 & !re 0 no?+ left ( h] b a *>r$ coal4 ,i _h be5 told only t %e 0 dead1 &1 v naturally1 ,i want$ to "k all ab\t x1 & cont9ually ask$ = ! circum/ances ( h] dea?1 & a piece ( h] hair4 ,! rev]5d ,"m knew all ab\t x1 my si/] hav+ writt5 x 9 ! fir/ lett] ann\nc+ my "m's dea?1 & yet %e nev] told me :at _h tak5 place4 ,my si/] _h n[ aga9 writt5 to ! ,sup]ior ask+ h] to tell me all ab\t x1 s t ,i %\ld n be always ask+ ! same "q1 :i* s worri$ my si/] to h repeat$ unnecess>ily z %e ?\ght4#ac ,my bro!rs1 ,i le>nt aft]w>ds1 _h s5t me _! photographs1 b !y _h be5 return$1 aft] :i* !y nev] wrote to me aga91 & ,i _h mean:ile be5 wond]+ :y ,i nev] he>d f !m4 ,i n[ felt utt]ly desolate to ?9k ,i c\ld n write to my si/]1 & ,i 0 9 t]ror :at w\ld happ5 to me next3 someh[ ,i did n l to run away1 z x !n seem$ to me di%on\rable1 s ,i said to a "y si/]1 :o ,i knew w\ld report x3 8,y "k1 ,i h ask$ ov] & ov] aga9 to be all[$ to g1 & ! rev]5d ,"m w n let me4 ,n[ ,i am det]m9$ to wat* my opportunity & run away2 ,i %all /op at ! fir/ h\se ,i come to1 & s5d "s "o up "h to ask = money to pay my f>e40 ,an h\r aft] ?is1 ! ,novice-mi/ress came ) a sun-bonnet1 a black & :ite %awl1 & a sov]eign1 say+3 8,! rev]5d ,"m says y h ask$ to g s _m times4 ,n[ ,george is go+ to ! /ation1 & c drive y d[n !re to-morr[4 ,^! are all ! clo!s %e has to give y1 & t money0 7putt+ ! sov]eign d[n on ! table7 8belongs to ! alt>4 ,if y *oose to d s1 take x1 & y are to take no?+ away ) y1 n ev5 a *ange ( clo!s40 ,to ?is ,i repli$3 8,tell ! rev]5d ,"m ,i _c g out a begg>2 all ,i want is a *ange ( clo!s40 ,%e s5t an answ] back by a new si/]4 8,y came to h] a begg>1 & y w g away a begg>40 ,x may be ask$ h[ x 0 t ,i felt s det]m9$ to leave4 ,be=e go+ on to relate h[ at la/ ,i did leave1 ,i w m5tion t :i* provok$ me to my det]m9ation4 ,i am sure t my read]s w n ?9k x a trifl+ provocation4 ,x 0 z foll[s4 ,"o day ! ,"m ,sup]ior summon$ u all to *apt]1 & comm5c$ speak+ to u ?us3 8,my de> *ildr51 ,i h come to ! conclusion1 :i* has n[ = "s "t be5 gr[+ ^u me 7b ,i am n[ conv9c$ ( x71 t poor ,si/] ,agnes is mad40 ,e "o seem$ to />t at ?is absurdity4 ,i c\ld only smile4 ,%e w5t on to say3 8,yes1 ,i am q conv9c$ ( x6 &1 poor *ild1 ?is madness w gr[ ^u h] unless y are all v k9d to h]1 & y all "k h[ mad p are treat$4 ,y mu/ nev] contradict !m1 &1 !re=e1 y mu/ nev] contradict ,si/] ,agnes4 ,if y d1 ! madness w increase2 y mu/ j say #8yes' to ev]y?+1 unless y "k %e wants y to say #8no'2 y ne$ n take ! tr\ble to talk to h]1 or put y\rselves out = h]1 unless %e asks y a "q2 !n simply smile at h] & say #8yes4'0 ,%e !n turn$ to me & said3 8,i =bid y to g into *ur* at all1 or to speak to any "o1 unless x is absolutely necess>y2 b ( c\rse y w d z y l ab\t x40 ,my fir/ ?\ght 01 8,:at a bless+6 = ,i %all get a little peace n[60 ,i 0 9 peace = two days1 &1 if ,i ask$ que/ions ab\t my "w or any?+1 ! si/]s all smil$ graci\sly1 & nodd$ _! heads1 or repli$1 8yes40 ,aft] two days _h pass$1 ,i began to wond] :e!r ,i really 0 mad or n4 ,?is ?\ght took su* hold ^u me t ,i w\ld sit = h\rs ) my head 9 my h&s1 wond]+ if ,i _h really lo/ my reason4 ,! ?\ght drove sleep f me1 &1 9 fact1 0 sl[ly driv+ me really mad4 ,i ask$ t new si/] 7,l ,w1 f ,devon%ire7 if %e ?\ght ,i 0 mad4 ,%e told me %e did n ?9k me s2 b ,i suppos$ t p]haps %e only said ?is to please & hum\r me1 accord+ to ! in/ructions giv5 by ! ,"m ,sup]ior4 ,%e assur$ me1 h[ev]1 t %e really knew ,i 0 n mad4 ,9 spite ( ?is assurance1 my m9d 0 9 z mu* d\bt z be=e1 & ,i arriv$ at ! conclusion t if ,i 0 n already mad1 ,i soon %\ld be1 ) ?is awful d\bt on my m9d4 ,i aga9 ask$ leave to g1 & ! rev]5d ,"m repli$ be=e !m all3 8,i h n[h]e to s5d y2 directly ,i h1 y %all g40 8,b10 ,i repli$1 8,i want to g to my si/]40 ,turn+ to ! *apt] aga91 %e said3 8,i assure y ,i only keep h] "h out ( love4 ,%e is a poor *ild1 )\t a fri5d 9 ! _w1 entirely dep5d5t on my *>ity1 & t ( ! rev]5d ,fa!r40 ,a /range suspicion 0 n[ borne into my m9d1 f :at ! ,"m ,sup]ior _h said ab\t s5d+ me away :5 %e _h a place to s5d me1 t %e 0 actually try+ to drive me mad1 & w\ld !n s5d me to a lunatic asylum4 ,h5ce arose my f9al decision to leave ! conv5t at any co/4 ,to %[ my read]s ! k9d ( treatm5t ,i receiv$ f ?is lady1 ,i w m5tion t "o ev5+ ,i 0 sitt+ alone1 :5 sudd5ly ,i felt a great pa9 g ?r\gh my head--s great t x almo/ /upifi$ me4 ,!n ,i felt a sudd5 box on my left e>1 ano!r on my "r4 ,i cri$ out1 8,oh6 oh60 n q mak+ out :at x 01 = ! fir/ bl[ _h ne>ly /unn$ me4 ,!n a voice s\nd$1 8,i don't c>e if ,i kill y10 & ,i saw close to me ! ,lady ,prioress1 or ! rev]5d ,"m ,m>y ,w]eburgh ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t6 ,o ,god1 ,?\ kn[e/ :at ,i write is true1 )\t add+ to x or tak+ aught f x2 & yet ,i _h be5 induc$ to leave my own preci\s "m1 & _h be5 told t ! love ( a spiritual fa!r & "m & si/] 0 s great1 t ! love ( "o's own p>5ts & si/]s 0 n to be comp>$ to x4 ,i always crav$ to be lov$4 ,i _h left all my e>?ly relations only to ga9 :at ,i 0 told 0 a high]1 pur]1 holi]1 & m noble love4 ,behold my rew>d6 ,& su* %all be y\rs1 my read]1 if y %\ld unhappily foll[ 9 my foot/eps4 ,yes1 disappo9tm5t w foll[ y1 bitt]ness ( he>t beyond all description1 a long+ to g back to ^? de> ones :om y h left1 & yet n d>+ to g le/ ! curse ( ,god %\ld fall ^u y4 ,i h sp5t sev5te5 ye>s 9 ! cloi/]1 & let me tell y t ne>ly all1 or1 at lea/1 a full half ( t p]iod 0 "o ( bitt] sorr[ & disappo9tm5t4 ,x 0 q a common ?+ to h our e>s box$ by ! ,lady ,sup]ior4 ,9 consequ5ce1 ,i became q deaf 9 "o e>1 &1 consequ5tly1 0 (t5 unable to he> ! ord]s giv5 me4 ,i 0 report$ to ! rev]5d ,fa!r = disob$i5ce1 & ,i told him t x 0 ?r\gh no fault ( m9e t ,i _h fail$ 9 obey+ ord]s1 b t ,i _h _h my e>s box$ to su* an ext5t t ,i _h become q deaf 9 "o e>4 ,"o day ,i 0 com+ f nones at #b4de p4m4 ,?is 8,"m0 comm&$ me to /ay :]e ,i 01 & n to return to "w1 & !n said3 8,y h got ! ,,devil 9 y1 & ,i am go+ to beat him out40 ,all left ! sacri/y b myself1 ! ,"m ,sup]ior1 & "o nun1 :o 0 ord]$ to be pres5t at ! ca/+ out ( ! devil4 ,i 0 comm&$ fir/ to /rip4 ,i saw 8! ,discipl9e10 ) its sev5 la%es ( knott$ :ipcord 9 h] h&1 & ,i knew t "o la% giv5 7or tak5 by oneself7 0 9 reality sev54 ,i %\ld m5tion t at c]ta9 times x 0 ! rule to discipl9e oneself4#ad ,n[ my fir/ ?\ght :5 comm&$ to /rip 01 8,i c't20 x w\ld n be "r or mode/ to /rip 7x meant to ! wai/74 ,!n x came into my m9d t ,jesus did n ?us ?9k1 :5 ! soldi]s ord]$ ,him to /rip to be sc\rg$4 ,he simply obey$1 & ,i felt sure t :at ,he did ,i might imitate4 ,s ,i said inw>dly1 8,yes1 de> ,"l1 = love ( ,!e ,i c40 ,!n ,i began to undress2 b :5 ,i came to my ve/1 %ame aga9 ov]came me4 8,take t ?+ (f10 said ! ,"m ,sup]ior4 ,i repli$1 8,i _c1 rev]5d ,"m2 x's too tight40 ,! nun :o 0 pres5t 0 told to help me to get x (f4 ,a deep feel+ ( %ame came ov] me at be+ half nude6 ,! ,"m !n ord]$ ! nun to say ! 8,mis]]e10 & :ile x 0 recit$ %e la%$ me sev]al times ) all h] /r5g?4 ,i 0 det]m9$ n to utt] a s\nd1 b at la/ ,i c\ld n re/ra9 a smo!r$ groan1 :]eat %e gave me "o la/ & cruel la%1 & !n ceas$4 ,ev5 ?ree weeks aft] %e _h 8,discipl9$0 me1 ,i _h a v sore back1 & x hurt me greatly to lie on x 7our b$s 7 /raw put into sacks74 ,!re 0 a look+-glass 9 ! room ,i n[ occupi$ 7nuns d n usually h !m71 & ,i look$ to see if my back 0 m>k$1 z x 0 s sore4 ,nev] %all ,i =get ! %ock x gave me4 ,i turn$ quickly away1 = my back 0 black1 blue1 & gre5 all ov]4 ,i w expla9 to my read]s :at 8devil0 9 me x 0 t ! ,lady ,prioress _h be5 attempt+ to drive out4 ,y h se5 h[ v unk9d %e _h be5 to me1 &1 n d>+ to speak to h]1 ,i made a cake1 :i* ,i knew h] to be v fond (1 & s5t a note ) x1 begg+ h] to be k9d to me2 & ,i told h] ,i 0 will+ to d any?+ if only %e w\ld be k9d4 ,i ask$ :at %e w\ld h done if k9dness _h n be5 %[n to h]1 :5 %e ask$ = readmission to ! ,fel?am conv5t2 & ,i implor$ h]1 by ! remembrance ( t k9dness :i* _h be5 %[n h]1 to be k9d to me1 & ,i sign$ myself1 8,y\r lov+ *ild1 ,m4 ,a410 or words z ne> to ?is z ,i c n[ rememb]4 ,?is 0 ! 8devil0 ,i _h at ?is & at all o!r times4 ,! fact is1 t ,i knew too mu* ab\t h]1 :i* no o!r si/] did1 & yet ,i nev] ev5 brea!d x to a s\l6 ,ow+ to ! h>d life we _h to lead at ! conv5t1 ,i 0 n at all /rong2 9 fact1 ,i frequ5tly felt ill & tir$4 ,i 0 (t5 s we>y t ,i c\ld h laid d[n & will+ly di$4 ,i (t5 f\nd x difficult to walk d[n/airs & up aga9 9 ! middle ( ! night4 ,! novice-mi/ress w\ld !n sometimes r\ghly pu% me1 to make me g fa/]4 ,i w\ld (t5 fa9t :il/ recit+ ! ,psalms al\d1 & drop d[n on ! floor1 ?us always hurt+ my head4 ,if ,fa!r ,ignatius happ5$ to be ne>1 !y w\ld %[ me "s degree ( k9dness2 b if he 0 away1 !y w\ld drag me out ( *apel & try to make me walk up/airs1 or ,i 0 r\ghly pu%$ or dragg$ up :5 ,i _h n ! /r5g? to walk4 ,once ,i rememb] !y put me out into ! sacri/y1 & laid me on ! /ep ( ! fold+ door :i* l$ to ! g>d51 &1 op5+ ! door wide1 !y left me !re :il/ !y w5t back to pray]s4 ,i _h fa9t$1 & on recov]+ ,i w\ld h giv5 any?+ = "s wat]1 b n a drop did !y give me4 ,aft] a :ile ,i got s cold1 & c\ld n move myself1 b1 not)/&+ my pitiable condition1 ,i _h to wait till !y came out ( *apel4 ,i 0 only p>tly dress$1 & x 0 9 ! dep? ( w9t]4 ,! next day ,i c\ld n speak1 & _h a sev]e attack ( bron*itis4#ae ,x c]ta9ly 0 no temptation to fa9t1 & !y mu/ h kn[n ,i 0 n %amm+1 because ,fa!r ,ignatius1 :o 0 always v k9d 9 any illness1 once br\ght ,dr4 ,hanson to see me :il/ 9 a fa9t1 :o said1 8,x comes f weakness4 ,?is "y nun is v weak40 ,once ! ,"m ,sup]ior actually p9n$ a l>ge pap] 9 front ( me1 & ano!r on my back4 ,on ! latt] 0 writt5 9 l>ge lett]s3 8,jesus0--8,m]cy0--8,pray = me0--8,bew>e ( me40 ,all ?r\gh t day ,i _h to we> ?is1 & saw ! p>tly hidd5 smiles1 & he>d ! l\d laugh ( ^? ab\t me4 ,i did n criticize or make any objection1 & tri$ to be> ) equanimity ?is humiliation4 ,at ano!r "t %e wrote a confession = me to copy1 sign1 & s5d to ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,9 ?is confession 7 ^! words3 8,i felt great repugnance to obey1 :5 rev]5d ,"m desir$ me to give up all ! lett]s & books :i* rev]5d ,fa!r _h giv5 me40 ,?is 0 untrue1 b holy ob$i5ce compell$ me to write ! untru?1 & ,i copi$ ! confession out1 & s5t x ov] to ! mona/]y4 ,9 a few h\rs ! rev]5d ,fa!r came ov]1 call$ a *apt]1 & quot$ :at ,i _h writt5 z a pro( t ,i w\ld n submit to ! rev]5d ,"m4 8,b10 ,i said1 8de> ,fa!r1 ,i did n feel a repugnance1 or let myself ?9k any?+2 ,i obey$ at once40 8,!n :y did y write ?is note to me80 ,i repli$1 8,! rev]5d ,"m told me to write x40 8,did y1 de> ,"m80 he ask$4 8,no60 0 h] answ]4 ,i !n said1 8,well1 %e did n exactly tell me4 ,%e wrote ! confession1 & s5t a note tell+ me to copy & sign x40 ,! rev]5d ,fa!r !n said1 8,give me h] note40 ,i said1 8,i _c1 = %e told me to s5d x back to h] directly ,i _h read x1 & ,i did s40 ,he !n turn$ to h]1 & %e put on ! mo/ innoc5t face1 look+ at ! same "t agha/ at me1 & groan$3 8,oh60 %e cri$1 %ak+ h] head1 z if x 0 too awful to li/5 to me4 ,aft] a great deal ( talk+ on _! "p1 ,i 0 f9ally dismiss$ )3 8,poor *ild6 ,%e is n acc\ntable = any?+ %e says4 ,%e is q possess$40 ,^! words f ,fa!r ,ignatius1 :o ,i ?\ght w\ld at la/ see h[ unju/ %e 0 to me1 caus$ me deep grief4 ,?is 0 by no means ! fir/ "t ,i _h a false confession to copy1 & s5d z my own4 ,"m ,cecilia 7! ,novice-mi/ress7 once gave me a confession1 9 h] writ+1 to copy & s5d to ! rev]5d ,fa!r4 ,i read x1 & !n knelt d[n1 & kiss$ ! hem ( h] dress1 & said3 8,i am v sorry1 b ,i _c write ?is1 z x is untrue40 ,h] reply 01 8,y c d any?+ y are told40 ,i !n knew t ,i mu/ obey1 & !re=e ,i wrote at ! end ( ! confession3 8,de> ,fa!r1 ?is is n true1 ,i h only copi$ x40 ,i seal$ ! lett]1 & 0 go+ to s5d x1 b ,"m ,cecilia took x1 read x1 & sev]ely lectur$ me1 say+3 8,y h n a sp>k ( ! _s ( ob$i5ce 9 y40 ,%e (t5 told me to d or say :at 0 n true1 & ,i c\ld n1 & (t5 ,i us$ to cry & say3 8,"m mi/ress1 ,i really d want to be ob$i5t2 b t is n true1 & ,i _c write x40 8,no10 %e w\ld taunt+ly reply1 8,i "k y _c4 ,y h pl5ty ( s5se1 y are quick & clev]1 etc42 b !re is "o ?+ y _c d4 ,y _c give up y\r w1 y _c d z y are told4 ,!re=e y _c be a nun40 ,! tru? 01 t !y did n want me to become a fully pr(ess$ nun1 because1 z su*1 ,i %\ld h _h a voice 9 ! community2 & hav+ be5 ) ,fa!r ,ignatius s long1 ,i 0 n afraid ( him1 & us$ to speak ab\t ev]y?+ to him1 & let him "k :at o!rwise he w\ld n h kn[n4 ,9 ord]1 !n1 to ga9 _! own ends1 !y mu/ fir/ l[] me 9 8 eyes1 & prove by all mann] ( intrigu+ t ,i _h 8no vocation40 ,aft] f\r ye>s !y succe$$ 9 conv9c+ him ( x1 & he f9ally told me ,i _h no vocation = ! 8religi\s life40 ,he mu/ h be5 v sl[ ( disc]nm5t n to h f\nd t out be=e1 consid]+ t ,i _h be5 a si/] = sev5te5 ye>s4 ,i tru/ all ?is w n appe> we>isome to my read]s4 ,i hope t ?is book w be read by _m :o may possibly h v little idea ( :at conv5t life is4 ,on ! surface conv5t life has a great attraction = "s m9ds4 ,:5 we 7 9 ,devon%ire1 a girl ( ! "n ( ,lily ,w41 :o liv$ j opposite ! conv5t1 0 desp]ately 9 love ) x1 hav+ se5 all ! glitt] & outside %[1 & he>d ! sweet music & s++1 & hav+ se5 ! bridal c]emony ( ,si/] ,erm5ild tak+ ! :ite veil1 & obs]v$ ! peaceful looks ( ! nuns :om %e wat*$ walk+ 9 ! g>d54 ,i w\ld obs]ve "h1 t :at appe>s a peaceful look is simply an attitude t rule drills u into4 ,n[1 ,lily ,w4 ?\ght t conv5t life mu/ be heav5 ^u e>?4 ,?is girl came to u at ,llan?ony1 b %e receiv$ a v cold welcome4 ,%e 0 giv5 pl5ty ( h>d "w1 0 tak5 no notice (1 & _h to keep sil5ce all day1 l ! pr(ess$ novices & nuns1 except dur+ recreation h\r4 ,:5 %e _h be5 !re ?ree days1 %e said to me3 8,oh1 de>6 x is all s diff]5t f :at ,i ?\ght40 ,%e sp5t h] days & nights 9 sigh+ & cry+1 & seem$ s mis]able t ,i rem>k$ to ! ,prioress3 8,poor ,lily seems s mis]able1 & %e is always cry+ & sigh+1 m or less1 day & night40 ,! ,prioress repli$1 8,s]ve h] "r2 %e %\ld n h pu%$ h]self into a hornet's ne/4 ,if p w pu% !mselves into a hornet's ne/1 !y mu/ expect to be /ung40 ,nuns h said to me m ?an once3 8,if x 7 n = my v[s1 ,i w\ld n /ay 9 ! conv5t ano!r day40 ,ano!r has said to me3 8,alas6 ,i (t5 look r\nd & ?9k c ?is be :at ,i gave up my beautiful home =8 ,if ev] a woman came into a conv5t ) a s9c]e desire to s]ve ,god1 ,i did40 ,& ,i am sure %e spoke ! tru?4 ,aft]w>ds %e became a h>d & tyrannical woman2 b x 0 n h] fault2 = conv5t life does "o ( two ?+s--x ei!r cru%es1 or h>d5s its victims4 ,i assure my read]s t conv5t life mu/ cru% e bit ( self out ( its victims4 ,i 0 cru%$ by ! life1 & n seldom felt incl9$ to dr[n myself4 ,,*apt] ,x4 ,,daily ,,r\t9e ,,at ,,llan?ony4 ,at #a4de e morn+ ! si/]s are call$ by ! words1 8,b5$icamus ,dom9o40 ,ea* si/] mu/ in/antly arise1 say+1 8,deo gratias10 !n pro/rate h]self & kiss ! floor2 & aft] tidy+ h]self1 %e mu/ kneel upright ) h] back t[>d ! b$1 9 sil5t pray]1 until ! fir/ *ime ( ! bell ceases4 ,! nuns !n =m !mselves into a procession1 ) light$ tap]s 9 _! h&s1 & s+ z !y g to *ur*1 :]e !y rema91 s++1 pray+1 & recit+ psalms1 etc41 until #d a4m4 ,!y !n retire to _! cells1 & re/ until qu>t] to five 7unless !y h ! lam5tations ( ,j]emiah to recite1 or x is ,l5t1 = dur+ t season !y rema9 9 *ur* f #b to #f71 :5 !y are aga9 awak5$ by ! same words1 & h ! same r\t9e to p]=m4 ,!n foll[s ! (fice ( 8,prime40 ,if a prie/ is !re1 mass is said1 or sung1 aft] :i* ! 8,m>tyrology0 foll[s1 & 8pray]s = ! fai?ful dep>t$40 ,we !n rema9 9 sil5t m$itation until ! ,angelus bell is rung1 :5 we s+ ! 8,angelus10 & !n =m 9 procession & g to spiritual read+ till #h4 ,at t h\r ! bell calls u to *ur* aga91 :5 we recite ! (fices ( ,t]ce & ,sext1 & li/5 to a m$itation4 ,at #h4de ! 8,pittance bell0 r+s1 & we =m 9 procession aga91 & g into ! refectory1 :]e we f9d half-a-p9t ( unsweet5$ c(fee1 "s dry bread1 potatoes1 rice or porridge1 & salt1 "s ( :i* we mu/ eat1 :e!r we are hungry or n4 ,_m a "t1 l ,david1 h we m+l$ our bread ) weep+1 & well nigh wa%$ our b$ ) te>s4 ,( c\rse1 ! rule ab\t eat+ ?is pittance ( a meal did n apply to ! ,sup]iors1 = !y _h :atev] !y lik$1 & _h x :5ev] !y lik$4 ,at #i o'clock ! bell aga9 r+s1 & we g to ! ,sacri/y & s+1 8,v5i1 ,creator40 ,aft] ?is ! "w ( ! day comm5ces1 & real h>d "w x is4 ,b at #ab o'clock 7midday7 ! bell is aga9 rung1 & we g to *ur* & s+ ! 8,angelus10 & li/5 to a m$itation on ! bless$ ,sacram5t f ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori1 etc4 ,we !n come out ( *ur* & g to *apt]1 :]e ea* si/] accuses h]self ( any fault aga9/ rule4 ,%\ld a si/] omit any?+1 or h] fell[-si/]s consid] %e has n told ev]y?+1 x is _! duty to say1 8,i accuse si/] s-&-s ( do+1 or say+1 or leav+ undone1 su* a ?+40 ,x may be true or false1 b ! p]son accus$ _c ju/ify h]self1 :ile ! si/] :o has accus$ h] is prais$ = do+ s1 & is told t x wants great c\rage to p]=m su* a k9dness to h] si/]4 ,sometimes 7m (t5 ?an n7 ! ,sup]ior w keep ! si/]s !re an h\r or two accus+ "s si/]1 :om %e has "s special spite aga9/1 ( faults %e nev] committ$ or ev5 ?\ght (1 & ! lea/ transgression ( rule is sev]ely puni%$2 :ile want ( true *>ity1 & ! ,sup]ior's temp]1 are highly prais$ z 9 accordance ) ! w ( ,god4 ,besides ^! daily 8*apt]s10 ea* day we _h to write d[n e transgression ( rule1 & to pres5t ! record to ! ,novice-mi/ress e ,saturday morn+4 ,if %e felt incl9$1 %e w\ld write two or ?ree m pages ( our s9s1 :i* ( c\rse %e knew no?+ ab\t4 ,!n %e w\ld pass ^! confessions on to ! ,"m ,prioress1 :o w\ld d a little m scribbl+1 & !n1 9 turn1 pass !m on to ! rev]5d ,fa!r1 :o w\ld (t5 write und]nea?1 8,mo/ disgraceful10 & keep u away f ,sunday ,communion1 & return our books on ,monday morn+ to comm5ce ! same ?+ ov] aga94 ,*apt] be+ ov]1 we w5t back to "w till ?ree1 :5 ! bell rang aga9 = nones4 ,at #c4cj ! d9n] bell r+s1 & we all =m$ 9 procession1 said a long grace1 & !n sat d[n to our meal1 consi/+ ( fi% or eggs1 vegetables1 pudd+1 or s\p1 & wat]4 ,on ,sundays we _h *ick5 & pudd+4 ,fle% meat 7) ?is exception7 0 n all[$ except = ! ,sup]iors1 :o _h x e day1 or twice or ev5 ?ree times a day1 except ,friday4 ,at #d o'clock1 ! 8recreation0 bell r+s1 & aga9 we =m$ 9 procession1 & recit$ a pray]1 (f]+ ! sil5ce ( ! day pa/ to ,god4 ,& n[ we all mu/ talk1 ev5 ?\gh we may h no?+ to speak ab\t4 ,if we keep sil5ce = five m9utes1 we are suppos$ to be 9 a temp]1 & ! err+ si/] is told to g to h] cell till %e is s5t =4 ,at #e o'clock1 ! bell aga9 r+s2 we =m 9 procession1 & g to *ur*1 & s+ ,vesp]s & ! 8,angelus40 ,at #f o'clock ! tea bell r+s4 ,tea consi/s ( bread-&-butt]1 or jam1 or treacle1 & tea4 ,at #f4cj ! bell aga9 r+s = conf]5ce 78,lives ( ! ,sa9ts074 ,at #g4cj ! bell r+s = compl9e1 :i* (t5 la/s till #i o'clock1 = !re is compl9e to s+1 ,de ,pr(undis1 pray]s = ! dead1 litany ( ! bless$ ,virg91 & hymn & pray]s to our holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict1 m$itation1 & ! clos+ hymn1 aft] :i* we g 9 procession1 s++ 8,ave1 ,m>ia10 to ! dormitory1 :5 ea* si/]1 kneel+ at ! entrance ( h] cell1 closes h] eyes1 & s+s3 ,"m ( ,jesus1 night is come1 ,& we>ily we fall to sleep2 ,ask ,him to gu>d our cloi/] home1 ,f p[]s ( ill ,8 flock to keep4 ,ave1 ,m>ia2 ,ave1 ,m>ia2 ,ave1 ,m>ia4 ,we !n undress1 p]=m our ablutions1 r$ress1 pray+ at ea* holy g>m5t we put on2 f9ally we lie d[n1 mak+ ! sign ( ! cross1 & say+1 8,i w lay me d[n 9 peace10 etc4 ,! 8peace0 is a qu]y4 ,x 0 m (t5 8,i w lay me d[n 9 sorr[10 worn out 9 m9d & body1 & ?us closes ! peaceful1 p]fect1 sublime1 happy1 holy day6 ,9 summ] ! rule diff]s a little1 & is n q s /rict4 ,b dur+ ! season ( ,l5t x is mu* /rict]1 & we only h ! #i o'clock pittance1 & "o meal at #e o'clock1 & we actually rise 9 ! morn+ at #a4de1 & d n re/ any m till night4 ,on ,a% ,w$nesday we _h no?+ to eat or dr9k until six o'clock 9 ! ev5+2 we /ay$ 9 *ur* practically ! :ole ( ! day4 ,! floor ( ! *ur* is /rewn ) a%es & c9d]s f ! grates1 & we sit on ! gr\nd 9 ! a%es in/ead ( 9 our /alls4#af ,! #f o'clock meal is sc>cely t\*$1 z e "o is feel+ too cold & ill to eat4 ,aft] compl9e we h to la% ourselves ) ! 8,discipl9e10 & !n we h to g to b$ unwa%$1 z a p5ance = our s9s4 ,we are n ev5 all[$ to %ake ! a%es out ( our s]ge habits be=e retir+ = ! night2 to d s w\ld be to break solemn sil5ce1 s we actually sit 9 a%es all day1 & sleep 9 !m all night4 ,on ,good ,friday we g ?r\gh a some:at simil> day1 b ! a%es are disp5s$ )4 ,e day1 ov] & above ! div9e (fice & pray]1 cont9ual supplication = ! conv]sion ( s9n]s1 & = ! dead1 are (f]$1 ea* p]son tak+ an h\r's wat* be=e ! res]v$ ,sacram5t1 s t ! *ur* is n left f #e a4m4 till #aj or #aa p4m4 ,,*apt] ,,xi4 ,,ill-,,treatm5t ,,( ,,*ildr54 ,i recollect h[ a poor orphan boy at ,llan?ony mona/]y 0 almo/ always 9 disgrace1 & _h to endure ! 8,discipl9e40 ,! lads1 :5 do+ p5ance1 7 /ripp$1 !n laid on a long table1 _! faces d[nw>ds1 & la%$ = su* faults z talk+ 9 sil5ce "t1 slamm+ doors1 leav+ du/ ab\t4 ,ano!r little boy1 ( n9e or t5--mo!rless--8 fa!r a dipsomaniac1 aft] be+ at ! mona/]y f\r or five ye>s1 0 turn$ out & s5t to ,london1 to d ! be/ he c\ld1 ) only #bs4 #f;d4 9 8 pocket4 ,fa!r ,ignatius said ,b]tie 0 a p]fect little devil4 ,b ,i c assure ! read] t ! end ( all ! boys 0 v mu* l ?is4 ,soon] or lat] !y are turn$ out1 or else !y run away4 ,! two mo!rs at ! ,llan?ony conv5t 7 con/antly dropp+ d[n on ! boys1 :5 ,fa!r ,ignatius 0 away1 = break+ solemn sil5ce1 & made ev5 ! y\nge/ ( !m recite ! ,psalms al\d1 aft] !y 7 tir$ out by ! long s]vice ( compl9e4 ,v little *ildr51 ,i "k1 _h con/antly to g )\t _! breakfa/ z a p5ance4 ,i rememb] well two de> little *ildr51 ,ada & ,alice 4 ,!y 7 s5t to ! conv5t by _! fa!r1 a tradesman 9 ,h]e=d1 :o d\btless ?\ght x a great privilege to h !m !re4 ,alice 0 only betwe5 ?ree & f\r ye>s ( age4 ,"m ,m>y ,erm5ild _h *>ge ( !m1 & %e w\ld la% !m bo? ) ! 8,discipl9e0#ag = ! mo/ trifl+ (f5ces4 ,i (t5 f\nd little ,alice hold+ h] arms & cry+1 & w\ld say to h] 7if no "o 0 ne> to he> me73 8,:at's ! matt]1 d>l+80 ,%e w\ld hold up h] little r$ arms1 & sob3 8,"m ,erm5ild gave me ! 'spl90 7%e c\ld n say 8,discipl9e074 ,little ,ada1 too1 w\ld con/antly be c>ri$ to h] cell1 :i* 0 next to m9e1 & !re laid on ! b$1 & la%$ on h] b>e fle% by ,"m ,erm5ild4 ,:5 ! *ild cri$1 %e w\ld say3 8,if y don't /op t noise1 ,i w give x to y h>d]40 ,!n ano!r la% w\ld come1 & !n ano!r scream1 aft] :i* %e w\ld say3 8,are y go+ to make any m noise8 because ,i w give x to y aga91 if y are60 ,! *ild w\ld say3 8,no1 ,"m10 & w\ld try to smo!r h] sobs 9 ! b$-clo!s4 ,once1 be+ 9 my cell1 ,i he>d ?is ,"m scold+ ,ada dreadfully1 z a naughty1 wick$1 disob$i5t little girl1 = t\*+ ! ink & spill+ a little 7poor *ild6 %e _h be5 try+ to write a lett] to h] fa!r1 :om %e wor%ipp$74 ,! ,"m !n made ?is de> *ild lie d[n1 & %e gave h] sev5 la%es ) ! 8,discipl9e0 on h] b>e fle%1 9 all =ty-n9e cuts4 ,lat] 9 ! day ,i w5t to look at ! table expect+ to f9d x spoilt1 b !re 0 only "o spot ( ink on x1 ab\t ! size ( a pea4 ,on ano!r occasion ,i he>d h] la%+ ?is poor *ild1 :o %riek$ s l\d t ,i c\ld n endure x1 & ,i ran to h]1 call+ out3 8,oh1 y--oh1 y0 ,i felt s angry t ,i did n "k :at to call h]2 b ,i 0 report$ to ! ,lady ,prioress1 & s5t =1 & sev]ely reprim&$ = d>+ to int]f]e1 & take a *ild's "p1 & call ,"m ,erm5ild names = puni%+ & p5anc+ ! *ild4 ,i 0 =bidd5 ev] to speak to ! *ildr5 aga9 on any pret5ce :atev]4 ,?is 0 a great trial to me1 = ,i lov$ ! *ildr5 de>ly4 ,n[1 :5 ,"m ,erm5ild fir/ came to ! conv5t1 %e 0 a sweet & g5tle girl1 b %e 0 fir/ cru%$ by ! life %e l$1 & !n1 :5 p[] 0 giv5 h]1 %e became z h>d & tyrannical z ! ,novice-mi/ress & ! ,dame ,m>y ,w]eburgh4 ,,*apt] ,,xii4 ,,"s ,,( ,,! ,,llan?ony ,,rules1 ,,) ,,accompany+ ,,p5ances4 ,rule #a4--,nev] to ask = any?+ t is n necess>y4 ,p5ance4--,to be kept )\t x4 ,rule #b4--,nev] to ask = any?+ t is necess>y a second "t1 unless p]mission to d s be grant$ by ! ,sup]ior4 ,p5ance4--,to be kept )\t x4 ,rule #c4--,nev] to hold possession (1 or make use (1 any?+1 unless giv5 or l5t by ! ,sup]ior4 ,p5ance4--,to hold x up be=e ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t = a week1 at ! ,magnificat4 ,rule #d4--,nev] to t\* or look at a book1 lett]1 or newspap]1 unless holy ob$i5ce compels u to d s4 ,p5ance4--,to we> su* article ti$ r\nd ! neck = two days4 ,rule #e4--,nev] to look at1 or speak to1 a secul> or ext]n1#ah unless comm&$ by holy ob$i5ce to d s4 ,p5ance4--,to confess x at once1 & to repeat exactly :at we h said4 ,rule #f4--;,9 speak+ to a secul> or ext]n1 to d s ) eyes fix$ on ! gr\nd4 ,p5ance4--,to be bl9dfold$ at ea* (fice on ! foll[+ day4 ,rule #g4--,nev] to g beyond enclosure1 or ! b\nds p]mitt$ by holy ob$i5ce4 ,p5ance4--,to be conf9$ to our sleep+-cell = a week4 ,rule #h4--,nev] to speak ab\t our ,sup]iors to o!rs4 ,p5ance4--,to confess x at once1 & m5tion :at we said4 ,rule #i4--,nev] to all[ criticis+ ?\ghts ^u ! action ( a ,sup]ior to dwell on ! m9d4 ,p5ance4--,n to be all[$ to g5uflect to ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t = two days4 ,n4,b4--,to a nun ?is is an awful p5ance1 z %e has be5 taught t ! 8,body & ,blood1 ,s\l & ,div9ity0 ( ,jesus ,*ri/ are !re pres5t 9 ! res]v$ ,sacram5t 9 ! tab]nacle4 ,rule #aj4--;,if we h a t5d5cy to criticise a ,sup]ior's wisdom or ! correctness ( any action1 to believe t !reby our ,"l is injur$ & ! vocation weak5$ by su* ?\ghts1 s9ce we are "u our ,sup]iors 9 & = ! ,"l1 & t ! ,"l reveals ,8 w only ?r\gh our spiritual ,fa!r or ,"m4 ,rule #aa4--,to conceal no?+1 ev5 our mo/ inmo/ ?\ghts1 f ! abbot1 or abbess4 ,rule #ab4--,nev] to repeat any?+ said to u by our ,sup]iors1 unless comm&$ to d s4 ,p5ance4--,to confess x at once4 ,rule #ac4--,nev] to speak unnecess>ily dur+ 8sil5ce10 &1 :5 necess>y1 only :ile kneel+ ^u bo? knees1 ) ! h&s "u ! scapul>1 ! eyes fix$ on ! gr\nd1 & ! words we speak mu/ be utt]$ 9 a s(t :isp]1 8= ! ,"l is 9 ,8 holy temple1 let all ! e>? keep sil5ce be=e ,him40 ,p5ance4--,to recite five psalms at recreation = ea* brea* ( ?is rule4 ,rule #ad4--,to obey ! conv5t bell z ! voice ( an angel call+ u4 ,p5ance if late = mat9s4--,to recite ! :ole ( ! ,lam5tations ( ,j]emiah1 kneel+4 ,rule #ae4--,nev] to be late at meals1 *oir1 dormitory1 or "w4 ,p5ance4--,if late at meals1 to eat (f ! floor2 if late = *oir1 to kneel at ! door dur+ ! (fice2 z to ! re/1 any p5ance ! ,sup]ior likes to impose4 ,rule #af4--,nev] to speak ab\t home or our e>?ly relations1 except to ,god 9 pray]3 8,=get also ?9e own p1 & ?y fa!r's h\se2 ,,s %all ! ,k+ h pleasure 9 ?y beauty40 ,p5ance4--,any "o ! ,sup]ior ,,likes to appo9t4 ,rule #ag4--,to be joyful & ready 9 our ob$i5ce4 ,p5ance4--,to confess x at once1 & we> front scapul> p9n$ ov] ! left %\ld] = two days4 ,rule #ah4--,nev] to excuse ourselves if 9 fault4 ,p5ance4--,to kneel 9 front ( ! alt>1 hold+ a l>ge crucifix at e (fice1 = "o day4 ,rule #ai4--,nev] to excuse ourselves1 ev5 if unju/ly accus$ ( any fault1 unless x be necess>y = ,god's glory t ! true (f5d] %\ld be discov]$4 ,p5ance4--,same z #ah4 ,n4,b4--,our ,sup]iors nev] did ?9k x = ,god's glory t we %\ld give any reason or explanation 7s t ?is "p ( ! rule is no?+ else ?an a f>ce74 ,"u ?is rule !y w\ld keep u on our knees = h\rs4 ,rule #bj4--,to receive ! words ( our ,sup]ior humbly kneel+4 ,p5ance4--,any "o ! ,sup]ior likes4 ,rule #ba4--,nev] to be demon/rative 9 our affections1 ev5 t[>ds a spiritual si/]4 ,p5ance4--,n to be all[$ to speak to su* si/] = any l5g? ( "t our ,sup]ior likes to appo9t4 ,rule #bb4--,to zeal\sly obs]ve our di/ribution ( "w1 & to d s :olly to ! glory ( ,god1 keep+ be=e u ! memory ( et]nal ye>s1 our reasons = ent]+ holy religion1 & s to glorify ,god & b5efit ,8 holy ,*ur*4 ,p5ance4--,to lose our recreation4 ,rule #bc4--,nev] to t\* food or wat] out ( meal times4 ,p5ance4--,to we> a piece ( bread ti$ r\nd ! neck = two days1 & to g )\t ! next meal4 ,rule #bd4--,to keep our affections & int]e/s p]fectly deta*$ f all ?+s1 s t our :ole he>ts may be giv5 to ! ,"l4 ,p5ance4--,if we broke ?is rule by gett+ atta*$ to a picture1 or any o!r trifle1 our ,sup]iors w\ld deprive u ( x4 ,n4,b4--,if we _h any?+ !y especially want$1 !y w\ld take x f u1 z !y _h 7s !y said7 notic$ u break+ ! rule2 & ( c\rse we d>$ n murmur1 z t w\ld be transgress+ our v[ ( holy pov]ty4 ,! la/ two ( ! =ty-n9e rules are z foll[s3 ,rule #dh4--,to read ov] ^! obs]vances ea* day1 ) ! int5tion ( mak+ !m kn[n to our ,sup]ior at ! close ( ea* week4 ,p5ance4--,to write out ! :ole ( ^! =ty-n9e obs]vances at recreation4 ,rule #di4--;,9 confess+ our brea*es ( ^! obs]vances to /ate !m ?us1 e4g43 8,on ,sunday1 ,i transgress$ obs]vance by secretly feel+ annoy$ at be+ told to d su* & su* a ?+4 ,jesus only4--#8,!y %all g f /r5g? to /r5g?1 until !y all appe> be=e ,god 94''''0 ,^! =ty-n9e obs]vances 7) _! p5ances7 7 giv5 to u by ! abbot1 & writt5 out = u by him1 ) ab\t =ty-n9e o!rs4 ,! ,sup]iors be+ above ! rule1 !re is no occasion = !m to keep !m1 ?\gh !y are v1 v /rict 9 see+ t _! subjects d s1 & 7 always dropp+ d[n on u at e nook & corn]1 & mak+ out t we _h brok5 !m1 :5 all ! "t we 7 try+ our be/ to keep !m4 ,we 7 ! slaves2 !y 7 ! taskma/]s1 & v h>d ones too4 ,,*apt] ,,xiii4 ,,( ,,:at ,,religion ,,is ,,fa!r ,,ignatius8 ,i h (t5 be5 ask$ ?is "q1 & 9 "s respects x is n a v easy "o to answ]1 because ,fa!r ,ignatius has su* a wond]ful way ( be+ all ?+s to all m54 ,he has /ood on ! plat=m & prea*$ by ! side ( ,g5]al ,boo?'s wife1 & has jo9$ 9 _! processions4 ,he has himself told me t he has gone to a ,roman ,ca?olic ,dom9ican mona/]y1 & 0 welcom$ !re by ! monks "u ! designation ( ! 8,abbot ,ignatius40 ,he has himself told u n to let poor ignorant ,roman ,ca?olics "k !re is any diff]5ce betwe5 u & !m1 z !y w n "k ! diff]5ce unless !y are told4 ,:il/ we 7 bid to read ! ,bible1 yet we 7 taught to reg>d x z giv+ a cle> pro( t ! mona/ic life is ! highe/ life on e>?1 & our ,"l's example = su* a life 0 ev] put be=e u3 we 7 taught t ,he 0 an enclos$ monk f ! age ( twelve until ?irty1 :5 ,he comm5c$ ,8 public life1 because !re is n a ^w m5tion$ 9 ! ,bible ab\t ,him dur+ ?is p]iod4 ,?is 0 suppos$ to af=d a cle> pro( t ! life ( a monk or a nun is mu* high] ?an t ev5 ( a si/] ( m]cy4 ,?\gh we 7 all[$ to read a non-,roman ,ca?olic ,bible1 yet ) reg>d to o!r books we w5t to ,rome = !m2 su* z3 8,! ,life ( ,/4 ,t]esa10 8,life ( ,/4 ,g]trude10#ai 8,life ( ,/4 ,m>y ,magdal5e ( ,piazzi10 8,life ( ,/4 ,ca!r9e ( ,si5na10 8,life ( ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as10 8,life ( ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori10 8,life ( ! ,cur de ,ars10 8,! ,diurnal ( ! ,s\l10 8,! ,glories ( ,m>y10 & 8,! ,p>adise ( ! ,e>?40 ,_m o!r books f ! same s\rce1 too _m to enum]ate "h1 7 giv5 u by ,fa!r ,ignatius 7& truly a man is kn[n by 8 books71 or 7 read ) 8 sanction4 ,he did n approve ( "o ?+ :i* ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as taught2 namely1 t if a ,sup]ior %\ld tea* :at is s9ful or contr>y to ,god's law1 ! ob$i5ce w\ld be illicit1 & ! nun w\ld n be break+ h] v[ if %e refus$ to obey4 ,fa!r ,ignatius taught u t he himself c\ld n comm& :at 0 wrong1 because he 0 ! fa!r & f\nd] ( ! reviv$ mona/ic life 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&4 ,i _c put ?is matt] any pla9]1 = ,i nev] c\ld q und]/& :at he meant1 b ,i did fooli%ly believe he c\ld n tell u to d wrong1 because he said s1 & = no o!r reason :atev]4 ,our ,(fice ,book1 too1 0 ! ,roman ,ca?olic 8,b5$ict9e ,brevi>y10 & = ye>s ! ,roman ,ca?olic 8,ord9>y ( ! ,mass0 0 us$ at ! alt>4 ,lately ,fa!r ,ignatius has tak5 a fancy to use ! ,s>um missal1 :i* seems m elaborate ?an ! ,roman ritual4 ,! ,high ,*ur* p>ty is n 9 great fav\r ) him1 &1 z a good _m ( !m ignore him1 !y are put d[n z 8namby pamby40 ,! nuns 7 & are 7:5 !re are suffici5t to p]=m ! c]emony7 to be call$ 8,nuns ( ! ,p]petual ,adoration ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t40 ,at pres5t ?is p]petual adoration is1 z a fact1 only = c]ta9 times & great fe/ivals4 ,i w attempt to describe x4 ,! alt> is = ! occasion adorn$ ) ab\t #aje light$ c&les4 ,^! are int]m+l$ ) vases ( exquisite fl[]s4 ,i h kn[n !m to co/ #fj4 ,! 8,sacr$ ,ho/0 is always 9 ! tab]nacle2 b on ^! days1 :5 ! alt> is decorat$ out s f9ely1 ! ,ho/ is put into a ,mon/rance1 & en?ron$ amid/ light$ tap]s1 fl[]s1 jewels1 & cl\ds ( inc5se1 & at ! s\nd ( sweet music & s++ 79 ,lat97 bottles ( ,eau de ,cologne are p\r$ ov] ! alt>1 to be1 z he frequ5tly said1 8wa/$ on ,jesus10 l ,m>y's alaba/] box ( o9tm5t4 ,! tab]nacle is ( exquisite beauty & workman%ip1 ) crimson velvet curta9s1 loop$ up ) massive gold *a9s1 ov] :i* is a real diamond cross4 ,! beautiful images ( angels h en\gh bangles hang+ on _! arms to set up a jewell]'s %op )1 & !re is a piece ( clo? ( gold us$ = ! ,ho/1 on :i* are _m jewels2 "o small corn] ( ! clo? alone has1 ,i ?9k1 sev5te5 r+s1 :i* =m]ly belong$ to a c]ta9 si/]4 ,! boys on ?is occasion are clo!d 9 sc>let cassocks1 ea* ) a :ite cotta1 trimm$ ) lace2 ! abbot himself appe>s 9 gorge\s app>el1 z also ^? :o assi/ him4 ,! nuns us$ to we> long :ite veils d[n to ! gr\nd1 ov] :i* 7 _! crimson veils1 us$ only dur+ ! adoration ( ! ,ho/1 ) long tra9s4 ,?\gh ^! are attractive-look+1 yet ! weight ( ab\t twelve y>ds ( mat]ial hang+ f ! head is any?+ b pleasant1 especially 9 hot wea!r2 & :at ) we>+ ^! veils1 inhal+ ! inc5se1 & s++ ) all "o's p[] = two h\rs or m1 ,i g5]ally _h a v bad heada*e4 ,aft] ! s]vice call$ 8,exposition ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t10 all leave ! *apel1 except ! monk or nun :o rema9s to take ! wat*4 ,aft] ?is "o has rema9$ motionless 9 pray] = an h\r1 ! great abbey bell 7:i* 0 consecrat$ to & nam$ ,/4 ,b]n>d7 tolls five /rokes1 :5 ev]ybody 7no matt] :]e or 9 :at occupation7 mu/ kneel d[n & say1 8,bless$ & prais$ at e mom5t be ! mo/ holy & div9e ,sacram5t40 ,!n "s "o else takes ! wat* be=e ! res]v$ ,sacram5t = ano!r h\r1 & ?is goes on all ! day1 :i* closes ) ! mo/ solemn & gorge\sly bewild]+ 8,b5$iction ( ! ,sacram5t10 m s1 ,i v]ily believe1 ?an 9 any ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* 9 ,engl&4 ,at ,*ri/mas ! ,bamb9o is ! fir/ object ( wor%ip & adoration4 ,?is ,bamb9o is a beautiful figure ( a baby1 = :i* 7,i h be5 told7 eighty gu9eas 7 paid4 ,?is figure is laid 9 ! mang] at midnight ( ,*ri/mas1 amid mu* ritual & c]emony1 aft] :i* we all =m$ 9 procession1 ) light$ tap]s1 veil$ 9 our crimson veils1 to kiss ! feet ( ! holy ,*ild1 :i* adoration we also p]=m$ ab\t n9e times on ,*ri/mas ,day1 & e day aft]w>ds until ! octave ( ! ,epiphany1 ?\gh n s frequ5tly z on ,*ri/mas ,day4#bj ,z secul>s are n all[$ )9 ! prec9cts ( ! monks' or nuns' *oir1 ! "r rev]5d ,"l ,abbot1 ve/$ 9 cope & mitre1 holds ! baby 9 8 lap at ! grat+1 = ! fai?ful laity to pay to x _! adoration4 ,if ! ,abbot %\ld n be !re1 ! ,"m ,sup]ior1 ,m>y ,w]eburgh 7o!rwise ,mrs4 ,b471 repres5ts ! ,virg9 "m1 rob$ 9 a cope ( :ite sat9 or silk4 ,we 7 n taught to believe 9 ! infallibility ( ! ,pope4 ,fa!r ,ignatius _h be5 to ,rome & kiss$ ! ,pope's toe1 & 0 v pr\d ( x too4 ,!re 0 no ne$ to believe mu* 9 ! ,pope1 = ,fa!r ,ignatius & ! ,lady ,prioress 7 practically our two infallible ,popes4 ,nei!r 7 we taught ! doctr9e ( ! immaculate conception ( ! bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y4 ,i ?9k1 ) ^! two exceptions1 we 7 id5tical 9 doctr9e ) ! ,*ur* ( ,rome4 ,& n[ ,i leave x to my read]s to decide = !mselves z to :at is ! religion ( ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,,*apt] ,,xiv4 ,,my ,,dep>ture ,,f ,,llan?ony4 ,! morn+ = my dep>ture at la/ arriv$4 ,"o ( ! fir/ ?\ghts t came to me 01 8,i wond] if1 aft] all1 ,i am mad1 z !y tell me ,i am8 ,p]haps ,i am1 & t is ! reason = my leav+40 ,9 solitude on t morn+ ,i made a cup ( tea1 feel+ too ill to eat1 b ,i cut a small portion ( bread & butt]1 9 case ,i %\ld want x4 ,no "o came ne> me4 ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld mu* l to say good-bye to "s "o1 b ,i d>$ n speak1 = x 0 a p]iod ( solemn sil5ce4 ,b ,i /ill _h no small atta*m5t to ! 8,novice-mi/ress10 & w\ld h /ay$ 9 ! conv5t _h ,i only ! assurance t ,i %\ld be p]mitt$ to live 9 peace1 = ,i _h be5 a si/] s long1 & 7/range z x may appe>7 ! life itself _h /ill a c]ta9 fasc9ation = me4 ,i did n !n1 z ,i d n[1 s mu* blame ! sy/em1 b ^? :o treat$ me s /rangely1 & (t5 ) cruelty4 ,at la/ ,i w5t into ! community room1 :]e ,i knew ,i %\ld f9d ! ,"m-mi/ress4 ,on see+ h]1 ,i approa*$ h] & put my arms r\nd h] neck1 & 0 ab\t to kiss h]1 :5 %e %ook me (f z if ,i _h be5 a vip]4 ,_h %e spok5 b "o k9d ^w !n1 my c\rage to leave might h be5 s]i\sly %ak54 ,b n[ hot te>s ru%$ to my eyes4 ,i look$ /raight into h] face1 & knew ,i _h made no mi/ake4 ,a few m9utes aft] ?is %e s5t me a note3 ,,de> ,,*ild1 ,i c\ld n wi% y good-bye2 ! rev]5d ,"m _h =bidd5 me to d s1 or ev5 to come ne> y4 ,x 0 a cold1 cle>1 bright fro/y morn+1 :5 ,i left ! mona/]y at #g o'clock4 ,i 0 driv5 d[n t beautiful valley1 & h[ ,i enjoy$ t drive6 ,to my surprise1 my consci5ce did n accuse me ( s9 9 ?us leav+4 ,! morn+ air seem$ to cle> my bra91 & ,i knew ) a happy c]ta9ty t ,i 0 n mad2 a feel+ ( peace ) ,god seem$ to fill my s\l4 ,su* a peace ,i _h n exp]i5c$ = a v1 v long "t--s calm1 s s(t & sweet1 s free6 ,x 0 sixte5 ye>s & a mon? s9ce ,i took my fir/ j\rney to a conv5t1 & ,i _h n tak5 a j\rney s9ce1 except :5 we w5t to ,devon%ire1 & f ,devon%ire to ,llan?ony1 & !n we saw no?+1 be+ 9 clos$ c>riages1 & hav+ /rict ord]s n to raise our veils f our faces4 ,^? veils 7 ?ick & heavy1 cov]+ our faces1 & rea*+ d[n f> bel[ ! *94 ,b ,i mu/ return to my n>rative4 ,i h expla9$ else:]e1 ,i ?9k1 t ! ,prioress w\ld n all[ any ( my lett]s to be s5t to my si/]1 9 :i* ,i _h ask$ = j\rney-money1 & reque/$ t %e w\ld meet me1 & give me in/ructions z to my be/ way ( f9d+ h]4 ,none ( my lett]s 7 ev] s5t4 ,:5 ,i left home to g = ! fir/ "t to ! conv5t1 my si/] 0 ab\t sev5te5 ye>s ( age4 ,s9ce !n %e _h m>ri$1 & 0 liv+ ne> ,gl\ce/]4 ,kn[+ s little ab\t ! _w outside a conv5t1 ,i fanci$ t if ,i only ask$ = a ticket to ,gl\ce/]1 ,i 0 c]ta9 to f9d my si/]4 ,accord+ly1 :5 we arriv$ at ,llanfihangel1 9 ,wales1 ,i book$ to ,gl\ce/]4 ,on my arrival ,i ask$ ! fir/ man ,i saw ) a fly to drive me to ! po/ (fice1 z ,i ?\ght my si/] liv$ ne> x4 ,j z ,i 0 gett+ into ! fly ,i ?\ght ,i _h bett] tell ! driv] ! "n ( ! place :]e my si/] liv$4 ,he repli$ t he _h nev] he>d ( su* a place2 s ,i inquir$ at ! book+-(fice1 & f\nd ,i mu/ take ! tra9 to a place "s miles beyond ,gl\ce/]4 ,on my arrival at ?is place ,i w5t outside ! /ation 7x 0 n[ dusk7 & saw :at seem$ to me a /age-coa*1 & reque/$ t ,i might be driv5 to ! po/ (fice4 ,:5 ,i told ! driv] ! "n ( ! place1 he said he c\ld n take me all ! way !re4 8,i w take y10 he said1 8z ne> to x z ,i c1 & y w !n h to walk a few miles f>!r on40 ,my read]s may imag9e :at a t]ror ,i 0 94 ,i began to fancy myself put d[n 9 a lonely c\ntry road1 ) no h\se ne>1 d>kness reign+1 & all ?is exp]i5ce com+ to "o :o _h be5 %ut up 9 conv5ts = s _m ye>s4 ,:at 0 ,i to d8 ,i 0 fright5$ at e "o ,i met1 & z to a man1 ,i fe>$ ! :ole race4 ,z ,i 0 ?9k+ t my be/ plan w\ld be to try & take ! next tra9 back to ,wales1 ,i saw a c>riage pass+ ne> me1 9 :i* 0 a sweet1 g5tle1 pale-fac$ lady 9 m\rn+4 ,i ran to ! c>riage1 & said to ! lady1 te>s /ream+ d[n my *eeks3 8,oh1 w y please take c>e ( me = a night1 = ,i am look+ = my si/]1 & _c f9d h]80 ,%e said3 8,de> *ild1 y _c come ) u4 ,:o are y80 ,i repli$3 8,i _c tell y :o ,i am40 ,i 0 s afraid ( say+ ,i 0 "o ( ,fa!r ,ignatius's nuns1 kn[+ t ! newspap]s might be full ( x %ortly1 & t ,i %\ld be br++ tr\ble on ,ignatius1 & sc&al on religion4 ,a g5tleman n[ came up to me & told me to be (f1 speak+ v r\ghly to me4 ,aga9 ,i appeal$ to ! lady1 assur+ h] ,i w\ld g away & look = my si/] directly ! morn+ came1 if only %e w\ld take c>e ( me = ?is "o night4 ,! g5tleman aga9 told me to be (f4 ,b ! lady spoke = me1 say+3 8,we c't leave ! poor *ild "h1 l ?is60 ,i felt grateful to h]1 ?\gh x seem$ useless to appeal aga94 ,j !n a /ill1 small voice seem$ to :isp] ^! words to me3 8,nev] m9d2 y are my *ild2 ,i w take c>e ( y40 ,i /opp$ cry+ at once1 &1 look+ up to ! lady1 ,i said3 8,?ank y s v mu* = be+ will+ to take c>e ( me1 b nev] m9d2 ,i am ,god's *ild1 & ,i "k ,he w take c>e ( me40 ,^! words 7 h>dly utt]$ :5 ! g5tleman said1 8,jump up40 ,i look$ 9 surprise1 & c\ld n ?9k :]e ,i 0 to jump to1 b ,i f\nd he want$ me to jump up & take a seat by ! coa*man2 b ,i c\ld n manage ?is1 z ,i 0 tir$1 ill1 & worn out1 & ,i _h sc>cely ta/$ food = two days4 ,! g5tleman1 see+ my inability1 k9dly assi/$ me1 & ,i 0 tak5 c>e ( until ,i ev5tually f\nd my si/]1 :o 0 glad en\gh to see me4 ,b ,i 0 s fright5$ at e "o4 ,directly ,i he>d a knock at ! door ,i us$ to run up to my b$-room1 9 case any "o %\ld see me1 s /rong 0 ! =ce ( ! habit ,i _h acquir$ at ! conv5t4 ,my si/] ?\ght x disgraceful t ,i %\ld h be5 all[$ to come out ( ! conv5t )\t ev5 a *ange ( clo!s1 especially s :5 ,fa!r ,ignatius _h begg$ my own de> "m to give me up to him = ! s]vice ( ,god1 & aft] work+ z ,i _h done = all ^? ye>s4 ,i expla9$ t ,fa!r ,ignatius 0 on "o ( 8 prea*+ missions1 & knew no?+ ab\t my leav+4 ,%e told me to write & ask = "s money4 ,fa!r ,ignatius s5t me two p\nds1 ) :i* he expect$ me to buy clo!s1 to settle myself 9 life1 to pay my j\rneys1 & pur*ase any o!r necess>ies ,i might require4 ,two p\nds6 ,less ?an half ( :at he has paid1 or all[$ o!rs to pay1 to pur*ase "o c[l = a monk to we> at meal times & 9 *ur*2 less ?an ! sum he has sp5t to give ! ,prioress & ,novice-mi/ress ,*ri/mas pres5ts6 ,two p\nds1 aft] sixte5 ye>s ( h>d "w6 ,i /ay$ ) my si/] ab\t ?ree mon?s1 until ,i 0 a little less fright5$1 & !n w5t to my si/] 9 ,london4 ,i _h to be provid$ ) e article ( clo?+1 = ! habit 9 :i* ,i came =? f ! conv5t ,i _h worn = ab\t six w9t]s4 ,i 0 naturally c>eful & lik$ to make my 8religi\s0 dress la/ a long "t4 ,"o habit ,i _h worn = n9e summ]s1 s really ,i 0 nev] an exp5sive or extravagant nun4 ,at ?is p]iod1 my ?\ghts (t5 w5t out to my fir/ ,"m ,sup]ior at ,fel?am2 ,i long$ to see h]1 b = "s "t ,i felt afraid to g to h] or ev5 to write1 z ,fa!r ,ignatius _h said s mu* ab\t ! memb]s ( ! ,fel?am conv5t be+ "u ,god's curse1 & _h made u ?9k t any "o :o held communication ) !m w\ld be committ+ a grave s94 ,at la/1 h[ev]1 ,i summon$ suffici5t c\rage to write & tell h] t ,i _h left ,llan?ony4 ,%e wrote me a mo/ k9d lett]1 & ask$ me to g & see h]2 ?is ,i did1 & told h] all my ,llan?ony exp]i5ces4 ,%e seem$ to take x = grant$ t ,i 0 com+ back to h]1 & ev5 ask$ me pla9ly :5 ,i ?\ght ( tak+ up my abode 9 ! community once m8 ,i told h] ,i _h nev] ?\ght ( do+ s4 ,i mu/ frankly ackn[l$ge t ,i _h a v deep affection = ?is ,"m ,sup]ior1 & ,i did n l to disappo9t h]1 s ,i arrang$ to return1 & aft] be+ !re f\r days %e all[$ me to h ! novice's veil1 & promis$ t ,i might take ! black veil 9 six mon?s' "t4 ,i mu/ confess t ?is ,"m1 9 comp>ison ) ! "o at ,llan?ony1 0 k9dness itself4 ,i nev] f\nd at ,fel?am t "o si/] is p]mitt$ to tyrannize ov] ano!r4 ,aft] ,i _h be5 !re ab\t ?ree mon?s ! reaction came4 ,i comp>$ ! two conv5ts1 & actually 7) %ame ,i say x7 0 mad en\gh to ?9k t because ! ,fel?am rule 0 n /rict1 !re=e ! life c\ld n be s p]fect6 ,fa!r ,ignatius's s]mons n[ seem$ to come back to me ^w = ^w1 especially all he _h taught me on mona/ic ob$i5ce & ! w ( ,god4 ,i kept ?9k+ x all ov]1 & c\ld n bani% x f my memory2 ,i felt conv9c$ t x appli$ to me1 t ,i _h s9n$ by leav+ ,llan?ony1 & 0 n do+ ,god's w by rema9+ at ,fel?am4 ,i f\nd no re/ till ,i _h unburd5$ my m9d to ! ,fel?am ,"m1 & ,i !n implor$ h] to all[ me to return4 ,%e ?\ght x no?+ %ort ( infatuation1 & rem9d$ me ( :at ,i _h told h] ( ,"m ,w]eburgh4 ,h[ev]1 %e left me free to d :at ,i ?\ght be/1 advis+ me fir/ to write to my si/]1 & to see h] be=e leav+ ,fel?am4 ,my si/] came1 b %e c\ld make no impression on me1 & %e c\ld n compreh5d my conduct4 ,inde$1 ,i mu/ confess ,i c\ld n und]/& x myself2 = ,i did n want to return1 yet a my/]i\s some?+ seem$ to draw me1 & =ce me on aga9/ my own w4 ,"s su* exp]i5ce z ?is occurr$ to ! ,nun ( ,k5m>e1 = on page #bi 9 h] 8,autobiography0 ,i read3 8,i 0 to all appe>ances a free ag5t1 & ,i 0 /ill "y1 ,i _h full lib]ty ( *oice1 yet ,i felt 9 "s /range way1 z ,i h (t5 felt s9ce1 t ,i _h no *oice1 t ,i 0 l$ or mov$ or influ5c$ by "s ext]ior p[]40 ,s 0 x ) me 9 my infatuation = ,llan?ony3 ,i c\ld n help myself2 ,i seem$ =c$ by an invisible yet v real p[]1 :i* ,i did n pray aga9/1 & !re=e yield$ to4 ,,*apt] ,,xv4 ,,at ,,llan?ony ,,aga94 ,,9 ! mon? ( ,augu/1 9 ! ye> #ahhe1 ,i f\nd my way back to ,llan?ony4 ,x 0 d>k :5 ,i arriv$ at ! mona/]y1 & on rea*+ x ,i seem$1 = ! fir/ "t1 to realize all ?is return impli$1 & ,i n[ trembl$ at ! ?\ght ( go+ into ! conv5t4 ,i walk$ r\nd ab\t ! build+ = "s "t1 & !n look$ 9 at ! kit*5 w9d[4 ,! fir/ sight t came to my view 0 ! ,novice-mi/ress's face1 & t ( ,"m ,erm5ild1 ^: face & eyes1 seem$ swoll5 ) cry+4 ,x 0 n[ #i o'clock1 & ,i 0 wond]+ z to ! be/ c\rse = me to take4 ,i d>$ n g into ! conv5t1 ,i c\ld n /ay outside all night1 & ( c\rse ,i did n l to g to ! mona/]y4 ,( ^! ?ree evils1 ,i *ose ! latt]1 = ,i 0 n afraid ( ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,he 0 always v k9d to me1 & w\ld n h *ang$1 _h x n be5 = ! influ5ce :i* ! ,"m ,sup]ior ex]t$ ov] him4 ,to ! mona/]y por* ,i w5t1 & pull$ ! bell4 ,a monk1 ^: face ,i c\ld n see1 came d[n1 & ,i ask$ = ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,to my surprise1 ,i discov]$ t x 0 ! rev]5d ,fa!r himself :o 0 speak+ to me4 ,he 0 v k9d1 b told me ,i mu/ g to ! conv5t4 ,i told him ,i 0 too fright5$ to g4 ,he !n ask$ me :at ,i _h come back =1 if ,i 0 afraid to g to ! conv5t4 ,i told him t ,i _h int5d$ to re-ent]1 b :5 ! mom5t came ,i _h n ! c\rage4 ,he !n took me into ! ,*ur*1 giv+ me ! opportunity ( tell+ him :y ,i _h gone away4 ,he did n give me "o ^w ( blame1 except ab\t my go+ to ,fel?am1 & 0 mo/ k9d4 ,he !n left me1 & s5t ! ,novice-mi/ress to me1 :o did n say mu*2 b ! tone ( h] voice seem$ to s5d a *ill ?r\gh me4 ,! day aft]1 ! rev]5d ,fa!r aga9 saw me & 0 v k9d1 & told me he _h giv5 ord]s t ,i 0 to be treat$ ) ! greate/ k9dness4 ,= "s few days accord+ly ,i 0 k9dly treat$1 & soon1 at my own reque/1 ,i 0 receiv$ z a po/ulant4 ,i did n object to beg9 ! life aga9 f ! l[e/ /ep2 9 fact1 ,i believ$ m firmly ?an ev] t 8! nun's life is ! v highe/ & ne>e/ to ,god t any human be+ c live on e>?40 ,x 0 on a ,sunday t ,i 0 receiv$ back z a po/ulant4 ,!re 7 sev]al /rang]s 9 ! ,lady ,*apel1 & a cl]gyman f ,h]e=d4 ,on ent]+ ! *ur* ,i saw on ! alt> /eps a fun]al pall1 & ! black alt> hang+s t are us$ = ! dead4 ,a cold %udd] ran ?r\gh me z ,i wond]$ :at !y 7 !re =4 ,at la/ ,fa!r ,ignatius & 8 bro!r monks came 9 & sang ! 8,adoremus 9 t]num sanctissimum ,sacram5tum0 78,let u = ev] adore ! mo/ holy ,sacram5t074 ,ignatius !n turn$ to ! grille gates t divide ! monks' *oir f t ( ! secul>s1 & gave out t be=e ! little c]emony1 :i* 0 pres5tly to take place1 x might be advisable to give a little explanation ( ! cause !re(4 ,he said3 ,our de> little si/] has incurr$ excommunication by hold+ communication ) excommunicat$ memb]s ( our ,ord]1 i4e41 p :o h be5 cut (f f our ,society1 etc41 etc4 ,! gates 7 !n op5$1 a clo? 0 spread1 & ,i 0 told to pro/rate myself ^u x4 ,! burial pall 0 !n plac$ ov] me1 & "s pray]s 7 mutt]$4 ,on ris+1 ,fa!r ,ignatius gave me ! bless+1 & ! excommunication ,i _h incurr$ 0 tak5 (f me4 ,i !n w5t ?r\gh ! same po/ulant's s]vice t ,i _h gone ?r\gh ne>ly sev5te5 ye>s be=e4 ,aft] ?is ,fa!r ,ignatius prea*$ a s]mon1 9 :i* he highly prais$ me1 say+ t ,i _h endur$ great temptations1 :i* _h caus$ me to leave ! conv5t1 & t he only wond]$ ,i _h n left be=e1 b t n[ ,i wi%$ to return2 & he conclud$ by say+1 8,we hold out a lov+ h& to h]1 = our de> si/] has humbl$ h]self1 & %e %all be exalt$40 ,aft] ?is1 ,i 0 aga9 admitt$ into community1 & ! ,lady ,prioress 0 = a "t k9d to me4 ,on ,septemb] #bi? ,i took novice v[s aga91 & ,fa!r ,ignatius promis$ me1 if all w5t well ,i %\ld receive ! black veil 9 six mon?s' "t4 ,x 0 %ortly aft] ?is t ,ignatius w5t away on "o ( 8 prea*+ t\rs1 & directly he _h left ! ,prioress made me kneel at h] feet1 & 9 h] old1 t]rible voice inquir$ :e!r or n ,i int5d$ to submit to h]1 etc41 etc4 ,9 wond] & surprise at ! sudd5 /orm t 0 bur/+ aft] s long a calm1 ,i repli$3 8,yes1 de> ,"m1 inde$ ,i d40 ,%e haughtily repli$1 8,t's a good ?+2 n[ we %all soon see40 ,f t mom5t %e 0 j z sev]e z ev] 9 h] treatm5t ( me4 ,! m ,i submitt$1 ! m tyrannical %e became4 ,%e subject$ me to all mann] ( petty insults & p5ances1 ev5 9 ! pres5ce ( little *ildr54 ,i soon felt conv9c$ t x 0 q useless = me to submit or ev5 to attempt to live 9 ! conv5t any long]4 ,i c\ld see pla9ly t %e c\ld nev] =give me4 ,aft] a :ile ,i wrote a note to h]1 z ,i 0 n all[$ to speak1 9 :i*1 to ! be/ ( my memory1 ,i us$ ! foll[+ words3 ,if y w only let me re/ 9 peace until ,fa!r ,ignatius comes back1 ,i w !n ask 8 leave to g1 z ,i am conv9c$ y d n wi% me to /ay1 & w nev] be satisfi$1 no matt] h[ submissive ,i am4 ,i am conv9c$ also t if y g on treat+ me ) su* sev]ity1 ,i %all 9 reality become a lunatic1 = my m9d w n cont9ue long to be> ?is heavy /ra94 ,aft] ?is note %e left me alone1 & did n aga9 worry me4 ,:5 ,fa!r ,ignatius came home a few days be=e ,*ri/mas1 he s5t = me on ,*ri/mas ,eve4 ,i w5t to him & said3 8,de> ,fa!r1 ,i am v sorry1 b ,i _c live ) rev]5d ,"m4 ,i d n wi% to give up s]v+ ,god1 or to break my v[s2 & if y w s5d me to ano!r conv5t1 ,i w gladly g1 or to ,g5]al ,boo? 7,ignatius 0 a great admir] ( ! ,salvation ,army74 ,i don't m9d :]e x is s t ,i am "u ob$i5ce1 & s]v+ ,god40 ,he repli$3 8,well1 ,i'll ?9k ov] ! matt]1 :e!r to write to ,mr4 ,boo? ab\t y1 or to write to ! ,abbess ,b]?a1 & to tell h] t y are a v de> *ild ( m9e1 :o has be5 ) me = a great _m ye>s1 b t y _c get on ) ?is rev]5d ,"m1 & ask h] if %e w take y "u h] *>ge = a "t40 ,he spoke mo/ k9dly to me ab\t x4 ,i !n ask$ him if ,i might come to ,holy ,communion on ! next day 7,*ri/mas ,day71 to :i* he repli$3 8,c]ta9ly n40 ,lat] on he wi%$ me a happy ,*ri/mas1 ?\gh he mu/ h kn[n t my he>t 0 ne>ly break+ ) sorr[ & disappo9tm5t4 ,i ask$ no m que/ions ab\t my leav+1 z he _h promis$ to d all he c\ld = me1 & ,i implicitly believ$ him1 & 0 cont5t to wait pati5tly1 ask+ no que/ions1 /riv+ to d my duty1 z a si/]1 to ! be/ ( my ability4 ,"o ev5+1 soon aft] ?is int]view1 he s5t me a note comm5c+1 8,jesus only40 8,y are10 he wrote1 8to take y\r habit (f to-morr[2 y ought to h done s weeks ago02 & he sign$ x 8,ignatius1 ( ,jesus1 ,abbot40 ,?is note surpris$ me1 = ,i _h be5 pati5tly wait+ 8 pleasure all ?is "t4 ,next morn+ !re 7 n any o!r clo!s put into my cell1 s ,i 0 oblig$ to put on ! nun's dress aga92 b 9 ord] to %[ my will+ness to obey1 ,i omitt$ to put on my scapul>4 ,:5 ! ,novice-mi/ress saw me1 %e said3 8,g & put on y\r scapul> at once4 ,y ought to be a%am$ ( y\rself1 caus+ su* a sc&al 9 com+ out l t40 ,i knelt d[n & kiss$ ! hem ( h] holy habit1 & said3 8,"m-mi/ress1 rev]5d ,fa!r said0 ,b %e w\ld n let me f9i% ! s5t5ce1 & int]rupt$ me by say+3 8,i "k q well :at ! rev]5d ,fa!r said2 ,i read ! note be=e y1 & :5 y are told to take y\r habit (f y w d x1 & n be=e4 ,g & put y\r scapul> on40 ,i obey$ 9 sil5ce1 & ,i n[ knew ,i %\ld h to und]go a public sc5e4 ,at #ab ! bell = a visit to ! bless$ ,sacram5t toll$ out1 aft] ! 8,angelus0 0 sung 9 ,wel%4 ,nuns1 monks1 boys & girls1 & secul>s1 7 all pres5t 9 ! ,llan?ony ,*ur*4 ,!n ,ignatius spoke3 8,si/] ,agnes1 come d[n to ! grat+40 ,9 fe> & trembl+ ,si/] ,agnes obey$4 ,!n1 9 a sepul*ral voice1 ,ignatius said3 8,z 9 ! days ( old1 aft] great long-suff]+ & =be>ance ( our lov+ ,god1 ,8 pati5ce at la/ came to an end ) ,8 p1 s at la/1 aft] great pati5ce & =be>ance on ! "p ( h] ,sup]iors1 !y mu/ ask ,si/] ,agnes to take (f h] veil & habit1 & lay !m on ! alt> /eps40 ,i felt ?is s acutely1 t ,i sobb$ al\d3 8,w y please =give me1 de> ,fa!r1 = all & :atev] ,i h done wrong40 ,aft] :i*1 9 ! pres5ce ( all1 ,i took (f my veil1 & laid myself d[n on ! alt> /eps4 ,:5 ,i _h become some:at calm1 ,i realiz$ t a trick _h be5 play$ on me1 & t my ,sup]iors _h made me pass ?r\gh ?is ordeal 9 ord] to make o!rs believe t ,i _h be51 s to speak1 sudd5ly cut (f by ! w ( my ,sup]ior1 & n by my own free w4 ,9 reality1 ,i _h q ( my own free w be5 wait+ = ,ignatius's sanction1 & ! result ( 8 lett]s to ,mrs4 ,boo? & ! ,abbess ,b]?a4 ,dur+ ! above sc5e ,i rem9d$ ,ignatius ( 8 promise to write to ! ,abbess ,b]?a1 b he repli$3 8,yes1 b t 0 be=e ,i knew y 7 n conv]t$1--:5 ,i ?\ght y 7 a *ild ( ,god40 ,n[ ,i ?\ght ,i _h be5 conv]t$ "s f\rte5 ye>s ago1 :5 ,i 0 made to realize s fully t ,jesus ,*ri/ 0 my p]sonal ,savi\r1 & _h det]m9$1 s f> z ,i _h light1 8to %[ =? ! praises ( ,him :o _h call$ me out ( d>kness into ,8 m>vell\s light40 ,surely1 ,i ?\ght1 _h ,i n be5 conv]t$1 ,i c\ld nev] h endur$ all t ,i _h suff]$ dur+ ^? long ye>s ( mis]y6 ,& _h n ,ignatius taught me t ,i c\ld be/ glorify ,him :o _h wa%$ me f my s9s 9 ,8 preci\s blood by be+ a true nun8 ,!n ,i believ$ t ?is 0 ! be/ way ( glorify+ ,god2 b n[ ,i "k t ,i 0 "u a great delusion4 ,?is sc5e took place on a ,saturday4 ,on ,sunday ,ignatius told me ,i mu/ leave ! conv5t be=e #g a4m4 on ! foll[+ morn+1 giv+ to ! rev]5d ,"m ord]s to give me #b1 & to supply me ) all necess>y clo?+4 ,i s5t ?is message back3 8,i d n ne$ any?+ at all2 b w ! rev]5d ,"m please let me h ! box ( clo!s ,i br\ght back ) me40 ,aft] "s h\rs ! box 0 s5t to me ) my clo!s all turn$ ab\t1 & ) ! foll[+ message3 8,! rev]5d ,"m 0 oblig$ to look ov] y\r clo!s1 to see :at y want$40 ,i f\nd t %e _h put two old table napk9s full ( holes1 9 ! box1 two old t[els full ( d>ns1 & two co>se tea clo?s 7:i* treasures ,i keep to ?is day71 a petticoat2 & besides ^! %e gave me p]mission to keep a new habit4 ,i exam9$ closely ! cont5ts ( my box1 & f\nd t a diction>y1 a quantity ( f9e l95 & o!r ?+s _h be5 tak5 f x4 ,i ask$ h] = ! l951 say+ t ,i _h b\ght x ) money my bro!r _h giv5 me be=e ,i return$4 ,%e s5t back ?is message3 8,tell h] ,i h tak5 no?+ b :at belongs to me40 ,i imag9$ %e meant t z ,i _h tak5 ! v[ ( pov]ty1 %e _h a "r to give or reta9 :atev] %e lik$4 ,aft] ,i _h tak5 my dep>ture1 ,i wrote = my ?+s1 b ,i nev] receiv$ an answ]4 ,?is 0 ! second "t ,i _h left conv5t life1 :i* _h s (t5 be5 describ$ to me z 8angelic40 ,i _h endur$ q en\gh ( its mis]y4 ,,*apt] ,,xvi4 ,,app>itions ,,& ,,miracles4 ,x w be z well1 be=e mak+ ! v few rem>ks ,i am able to give on ! alleg$ 8app>itions at ,llan?ony10 t ,i %\ld give my read]s a few extracts f ,fa!r ,ignatius's oration on ! subject1 :i* 0 deliv]$ on ,tuesday ev5+1 ,may #e?1 #ahhe1 at1 z f> z ,i recollect1 ,we/m9/] ,t[n ,hall4 ,?is oration 0 bas$ pr(ess$ly on ,hebrews xii4 #a3 8,:]e=e see+ we also are compass$ ab\t ) s great a cl\d ( witnesses10 etc4 ,x w\ld appe> f ?is oration t ,ignatius looks ^u ! alleg$ sup]natural ev5ts at ,llan?ony z af=d+ witness to ! tru? ( n9ete5? c5tury ,*ri/ianity4 ,let ,ignatius tell 8 own /ory3 ,app>ition #a4--,on ,monday1 ! #cj? ( ,augu/1 #ahhj1 ,bro!r ,dun/an w5t z usual1 at #i o'clock1 into ! *ur* to take 8 wat* be=e ! bless$ ,sacram5t4 ,he 0 kneel+ ab\t tw5ty feet f ! alt>4 ,at ! s\? side ( ! alt> !re is a l>ge w9d[1 :i* 0 n !n fill$ ) /a9$ glass1 & consequ5tly a bright light %one ^u ! alt>4 ,! bro!r :o left ! wat* _h no communication ) ! si/] :o next came 9 to take h] wat*4 ,%e 7,si/] ,janet7 _h be5 a s*oolmi/ress 9 ! neighb\rhood = _m ye>s1 & 0 n[ an associate ( our ,ord]4 ,! bro!r _h be5 half an h\r at 8 wat*1 :5 he rais$ 8 eyes & saw1 9 front ( ! tab]nacle1 a k9d ( blue mi/ play+4 ,z he look$ at ! mi/1 he ?\ght t 8 eyes mu/ be affect$1 & he rubb$ !m1 ?9k+ x 0 an illusion2 b z he /ill look$1 ! mi/ ?ick5$ & d5sifi$1 until he saw ! ,mon/rance1 or silv] vessel :i* conta9$ ! ,ho/1 )9 ! tab]nacle glimm]+ 9 ! mi/1 outside ! massive door ( ! tab]nacle1 :i* 0 lock$4 ,?is door is ( iron1 ne>ly an in* ?ick4 ,! key 0 9 my cell1 :i* ,i _h n left t morn+ because ,i _h be5 v unwell1 & _h _h a good deal ( writ+ to d4 ,! mi/ gradually cle>$ away1 & !n ! sacr$ vessel conta9+ ! ,ho/ 0 pla9 be=e ! bro!r's eyes1 & ! sunlight 9 ! w9d[ fla%$ ^u x4 ,he saw ?is = half an h\r1 &1 on leav+ 8 wat*1 /ill look$ ^u ! vision z he w5t out4 ,si/] ,janet !n came 9 to take h] wat*1 & knelt d[n1 z usual1 at ! scre5 9 ! out] *ur*4 ,:5 %e look$ at ! alt>1 %e saw ! same appe>ance2 b %e did n dream ( its be+ sup]natural2 %e imag9$ only t ! bless$ ,sacram5t 0 expos$ = "s reason or o!r2 b %e 0 mu* a/oni%$ to f9d t ! ,ho/ 0 expos$ )\t ! usual signs ( rev]5ce & devotion :i* we always r5d] :5 we h our ?ree expositions 9 ! ye>4 ,we only h ! ,ho/ expos$ ?ree times a ye>1 & !y are v solemn occasions2 & we pay our ,"l a great deal ( hon\r dur+ ^? days4 ,on ?is occasion !re 0 no light burn+1 !re 7 no fl[]s1 & ! si/] 0 consequ5tly mu* a/oni%$1 kn[+ h[ p>ticul> we are 9 ^! matt]s ( detail & rev]5ce4 ,directly h] wat* 0 ov] at #aa o'clock %e w5t to ! mona/]y por*1 rang ! bell1 & ask$ to see ! bro!r :o _h tak5 ! wat* be=e h]4 ,:5 he came to ! grat+1 %e said3 8,:y has ! rev]5d ,fa!r left ! bless$ ,sacram5t out80 ,:5 %e _h expla9$ precisely :at %e _h se51 & ,bro!r ,dun/an knew t ! tab]nacle _h n be5 op5$1 he at once came to my cell to tell me :at _h happ5$4 ,i sugge/$ t we %\ld g to ! *ur*4 ,:5 we w5t 91 ! app>ition _h disappe>$4 ,app>ition #b4--;,9 ! ev5+ 7( ! same day7 aft] vesp]s1 ! *oir-boys 7 9 ! mead[ play+4 ,all at once ! noise ( ! game 0 /opp$1 & 9 a v %ort "t "o ( ! boys came runn+ up to my cell1 soon foll[$ by o!rs1 say+3 8,fa!r1 we h se5 su* a beautiful _s 9 ! mead[40 ,! elde/ boy1 :o 0 fifte5 ye>s old1 said he 0 c]ta9 t :at !y _h se5 0 ! bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y--q c]ta94 ,he said t fir/ ( all1 z he 0 wait+ = 8 turn to run 9 ! game1 he 0 look+ t[>ds an old ru9$ hut1 :]e !re _h be5 a f>m-h\se1 & he saw a bright light ov] ! h$ge & ! figure ( a woman1 ) h&s uprais$ z if 9 bless+1 & ) a veil ov] h] face1 com+ to him4 ,he /ood /ill1 & 0 mu* a/oni%$ & al>m$4 ,! figure came almo/ at "r angles to him1 & !n %e pass$ close en\gh ev5 = him to see ! mat]ial ( ! g>m5ts t %e wore4 ,! figure pass$ (f at "r angles1 & /ood 9 a bright light 9 a bu% ab\t fifty feet f ! boy4 ,! bu% 0 all illum9$ ) phosphoresc5t light4 ,! figure pass$ ?r\gh ! bu%1 & ! light 0 !re = "s little "t aft] ! =m _h disappe>$4 ,! re/ ( ! boys saw & describ$ ! same appe>ance4 ,i _h all ! boys 9 ! *ur*1 :]e ,i spoke solemnly to !m1 sep>ately1 & he>d :at !y _h to say4 ,i told !m :at an unlikely /ory x 01 & t no "o w\ld believe !m2 & ,i ask$ !m :at c\ld h put x into _! heads to ?9k su* a ?+4 ,b !y /ill ma9ta9$ t :at !y _h said 0 true4 ,we wat*$ ,tuesday1 ,w$nesday1 ,?ursday1 & ,friday ev5+s aft] t4 ,un=tunately ,i _h to leave ,llan?ony on ! ,saturday1 be+ "u a promise to take ! duty = a cl]gyman 9 ! diocese ( ,exet]1 :]e we _h a conv5t at t "t2 b ,i left /rict ord]s t ! bro!rs & boys %\ld wat* e night at ! same "t1 ab\t eight o'clock1 & !n write to me1 tell+ ( any exp]i5ce !y might h4 ,on ,saturday night1 ,sept4 #d?1 ! boys 7 out play+ z usual1 :51 all at once1 ! same bu% became illum9at$ ) a v bright light4 ,"o boy call$ out1 8,! bu% is on fire aga960 ,= "s "t !y wat*$ ! light2 !n !y ran to ! mona/]y to call out an eld] bro!r4 ,9 ! meantime a junior bro!r _h come out1 _h knelt d[n 9 ! mead[ be=e ! illum9at$ bu%1 & _h begun to say pray]s & hymns4 ,! boys 7 indignant because he 0 say+ collects & hymns t _h no relation to :at !y consid]$ ! vision to be1 & !y said3 8,d n say ^? pray]s1 b say a #8,hail1 ,m>y'2 = we are c]ta9 x 0 ! bless$ ,virg94 ,if we d1 our ,"l w p]haps let ! vision appe> aga940 ,:ile !y 7 discuss+1 ! s5ior bro!r came up1 & he agre$ t !y %\ld beg9 to s+ 8,ave1 ,m>ia40 ,t in/ant ! figure fla%$ aga91 9 a cl\d ( light1 9 ! same place :]e ! fir/ boy _h se5 x on ! ,monday4 ,z !y sang1 ! figure s5t out rays ( light1 sometimes appe>+ beh9d & sometimes 9 front ( ! h$ge1 & sometimes com+ /raight t[>ds ! illum9at$ bu%4 ,:5 !y said ! words 9 ! 8,hail1 ,m>y10 8,bless$ is ! fruit ( ?y womb--,jesus10 !y saw a second figure z ( a man1 ) only a clo? r\nd 8 lo9s1 appe>+ 9 ! light1 ) 8 h&s /ret*$ out4 ,fa!r ,ignatius return$ f ,devon%ire to ,llan?ony on ,tuesday1 ,septemb] ! #ad?1 & on t night1 he says1 8we wat*$1 b saw no?+40 ,b1 9 ! words ( ! oration1 ,ignatius ?us describes ! sc5es ( ! foll[+ night3 ,on ! #ae? ( ,septemb]1 betwe5 eight & a qu>t]-pa/ eight1 we wat*$ aga94 ,x 0 a v close1 muggy ev5+4 ,!re 0 a heavy ,scot* mi/ desc5d+1 & ! m\nta9s 7 look+ v dull & ! sky lead54 ,x 0 s damp t we did n g into ! mead[2 b ,si/] ,janet1 :o 0 n all[$ to come to ! mona/]y door :]e we 7 /&+1 w5t into ! mead[4 ,we 7 9 ! mona/]y por*4 ,! boys 7 /&+ on ! front /eps2 ,i 0 /&+ on ! top /ep2 "o bro!r 0 at my left1 & ano!r bro!r on my "r4 ,two f>m]s 7 beh9d 9 ! back ( ! por*2 & a g5tleman visitor--an und]graduate ( ,keble ,college1 ,ox=d1 n[ 9 ,holy ,ord]s--0 a little beh9d me to ! "r4 ,i sugge/$ t we %\ld s+ ?ree 8,hail1 ,m>y's10 9 hon\r ( ea* p]son ( ! bless$ ,tr9ity4 ,we began a 8,hail1 ,m>y0 9 hon\r ( ,god ! ,fa!r4#ba ,betwe5 ! 8,hail1 ,m>y's10 we1 all ( u1 express$ our amazem5t at "s v curi\s fla%+s ( light1 :i* we saw 9 all directions 9 ! mead[1 l ! outl9es ( figures4 ,t 0 ! impression ,i _h4''' ,i !n said1 8,let u s+ a #8,hail1 ,m>y1' 9 hon\r ( ! bless$ ,virg9 h]self20 & we began to *ant ! f\r? 8,hail1 ,m>y40 ,directly we began to d s ,i saw a great circle ( light fla% out ov] ! :ole heav5s1 tak+ 9 ! m\nta9s1 ! trees1 ! ru9$ h\se1 ! enclosure1 ! mona/]y1 ! gates & ev]y?+2 ! light fla%$ ^u our feet1 ^u ! /eps1 & ^u ! build+s2 & f t "o great circle ( light1 small circles bulg$ out1 &1 9 ! c5tre ( ! circles1 /ood a gigantic figure ( a human be+1 ) h&s uplift$1 /&+ sideways4 ,9 ! di/ance ?is gigantic figure appe>$ to be ab\t sixty feet 9 height2 b z x desc5d$ x took ! ord9>y size ( a human be+4 ,at ! mom5t x /ruck me t a d>k appe>ance ov] ! head ( ! figure 0 hair1 n a veil2 b ,i am conv9c$ f comp>+ notes ) ! o!rs1 & also f o!r reasons1 t x 0 a veil :i* ,i saw ov] ! head4 ,ignatius1 aft] m5tion+ t ! two bro!rs1 & ,si/] ,janet _h se5 ! same vision 7he does n m5tion :e!r ! f>m]s saw x71 said3 8,f t "t no fur!r visions appe>$40 ,two important reasons ,ignatius !n gave = 8our ,"l0 giv+ ^! app>itions4 #a4 8,= ! good ( ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&40 #b4 8,= ! com=t ( ^? 9 ! out] _w40 ,fa!r ,ignatius1 9 8 oration1 gave an acc\nt ( 8 s5d+1 a few days aft] ?is memorable app>ition1 to ea* ( 8 nuns at ,slapton1 9 ,devon%ire1 8pieces ( a wild rhub>b leaf1 :i* _h /ood up d>k aga9/ ! dazzl+ g>m5ts ( ! app>ition1 z x appe>$ 9 ! bu%40#bb ,he !n w5t on to describe h[ a c]ta9 nun at ,slapton1 8a middle-ag$ lady10 :o _h be5 a cripple = ?irty-eight ye>s1 0 heal$ by apply+ ! said *>m to h] diseas$ limb4 ,i w give y 8 own acc\nt ( ?is suppos$ miracle4 ,on ,tuesday1 ,sept4 #ba/1 #ahhj1 j sev5 days aft] ! la/ app>ition _h be5 se51 %e 0 quiv]+ f head to foot ) pa94 ,%e 0 go+ to lie d[n )\t lift+ h] diseas$ limb ) ! o!r limb on ! b$1 :5 some?+ told h] to use ! leaf1 :i* %e _h put1 wrapp$ up 9 an envelope1 9 h] pocket4 ,%e took ! leaf out4 ,%e took ! ros>y & said t5 8,hail1 ,m>y's02 &1 at ! end ( ! 8,hail1 ,m>y's10 %e took ! piece ( leaf & laid x ^u ^! pa9ful abscesses4 ,! v in/ant ! piece ( )]$ leaf 0 laid ^u ! abscesses !y clos$ up & ! dis*>ge ceas$2 h] knee 0 loos5$ at ! jo9t1 h] foot 0 on ! gr\nd1 & %e 0 cur$ in/antane\sly4 ,! next morn+ %e told & %[$ ! rev]5d ,"m & h] si/] nuns ! miracul\s wond] ( ,god's inf9ite goodness t[>ds h]2 & ! news quickly spread 9 ! village4 ,! vic> ( ! p>i% came to ! conv5t1 & ! village p rang ! village bells1 = !y 7 v fond ( ! nuns2 &1 9 a day or two1 !re 0 a s]vice ( ?anksgiv+ 9 ! ,priory ,*apel1 = ! miracle t ,god _h wr\ght4 ,!re 0 also an acc\nt 9 ! local pap]s ( :at _h tak5 place4 ,fa!r ,ignatius !n m5tions o!r miracles ( heal+ t 71 he affirms1 wr\ght by ! use ( ! )]$ rhub>b leaf4 ,! foll[+ words may be int]e/+ to "s ( my read]s2 !y appe> at ! close ( ! oration3 ,to sum up1 !n3 ,a solemn1 public te/imony has n[ be5 giv5 to a mo/ />tl+1 sup]natural ph5om5a1 9 a ,*ur* ( ,engl& mona/]y1 9 ! mid/ ( ?is unbeliev+1 mat]iali/ic age4 ,by ^! ph5om5a ! my/]ies ( ,*ri/ianity h be5 solemnly confirm$2 & ! ,^w ( ,god has receiv$ "o m 8,s be x40 ,! ,*ur* ( ,engl& has be5 sup]naturally recognis$ z a true portion ( ! ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 & h] ,sacram5ts ackn[l$g$ by a miracle4 ,! mona/ic revival1 long p]secut$#bc because ( ! two special po9ts above allud$ to1 viz41 ! re/oration ( ! res]v$ ,sacram5t1 & ! cultus ( ! "m ( our ,"l1 h n[ receiv$ a sanction f on ,high1 by ^! m>vell\s manife/ations4 ,engli% ,*ur*m5 h receiv$ f ,god a special approval = _! anci5t ,*ur*1 9 spite ( h] sadly isolat$ position4 ,hav+ ?us giv51 9 ,fa!r ,ignatius's own words1 an acc\nt ( ! alleg$ app>itions & miracles1 ,i feel sure _m w naturally ask me = my op9ion ( !m4 ,my op9ion is simply ?is3 ,i believe some?+ 0 se5 :i* ,ignatius really did believe to be sup]natural1 b :i* appe>ance ,i firmly believe to h be5 no?+ m or less ?an a practical joke p]=m$ by a c]ta9 "y man1 :o nev] int5d$ x to be tak5 = any?+ sup]natural1 9 ! s]i\s mann] ) :i* x 0 tak54 ,) reg>d to ! vision ( ! 8,sacr$ ,ho/10 ,i simply d n believe x at all4 ,i believe t "o ( !m imag9$ x1 & told ! o!r ab\t x 9 "s way1 & t t o!r 0 only too ready to believe x4 ,?is is my firm conviction ab\t ! matt]1 & ,i hope t z ,i am no long] a nun ,i h n only ! "r to h an op9ion ( my own1 b also a "r to express x4 ,dur+ my soj\rn at ,llan?ony1 ,i nev] saw any?+ sup]natural1 al?\gh !re 7 "s :o (ttimes tri$ to "w my m9d up to su* a /ate1 t x 0 ) difficulty some?+ ( ! k9d 0 n =c$ ^u my heat$ imag9ation4 ,i recollect a some:at ridicul\s circum/ance 9 ?is direction1 t occurr$ on ! 8eve0 ( ! 8anniv]s>y ( ! app>ition ( our ,lady ( ,llan?ony40 ,we 7 wat*+ ! procession ( ! ,%r9e1 & its accompany+ & subsequ5t rites1 :5 sudd5ly ! rev]5d ,"m exclaim$3 8,i see some?+2 x's mov+60 8,:]e80 ,i ask$1 8= ,i _c see any?+40 ,! ,"m !n po9t$ to ! 8,abbot's ,mead[40 ,!re 0 some?+ mov+ sl[ly1 & ,i wat*$ = a few mom5ts1 & !n said3 8,:y1 x is ! c[1 ) pat*es ( :ite on h]40 ,& s x 01 z %e 0 oblig$ to ackn[l$ge4 ,?is ,"m ,i believe (t5 pr(ess$ to see visions1 & dream sup]natural dreams2 & ,i might h ?\ght t ,i saw visions1 b be+ some:at ( an inquir+ & matt]-(-fact turn ( m9d1 ,i pref]r$ to be v cauti\s1 & c>efully sift$ ev]y?+ t _h any appe>ance ( ! miracul\s ab\t x4 ,= in/ance1 ,i 0 once kneel+ at ! pray]-desk be=e ! 8alt>10 suppos+ myself to be q alone 9 ! *ur*2 :5 ,i sudd5ly saw ! curta9s at ! back ( ! 8alt>0 g5tly mov+ = "s "t1 & ,i wond]$ :at ?is movem5t c\ld mean4 ,!n all 0 all quiet aga91 & ,i resum$ my devotions1 ?9k+ t possibly ,i _h only fanci$ x4 ,sudd5ly1 beh9d ! fl[]s & c&le/icks1 ,i beheld a face1 & ,i began to tremble1 & fe>$ ev5 to look up aga92 b at la/ ,i did s1 & ,i beheld ! rev]5d ,"m1 :o 01 ,i believe1 engag$ 9 du/+4 ,n[ if ,i _h be5 half asleep1 ,i might easily h imag9$ ,i _h se5 a vision ( a dep>t$ sa9t2 & ,i ?9k ! semi-d>kness 9 :i* ! sanctu>y 0 envelop$1 toge!r ) ! s(t rays ( ! ev]-burn+ sanctu>y lamp1 c ) little difficulty lead ! devotee to imag9e ! sup]natural1 especially z we 7 always taught t on ! 8alt>10 t miracle ( miracles1 or r t impo/ure ( impo/ures1 took place 9 ! transub/antiation ( ! bread & w9e1 into ! body1 blood1 s\l1 & div9ity ( ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,b to return to ! app>itions1 an acc\nt ( :i* ,i h already giv51 & ab\t :i* ,i h /at$ %ortly my op9ion4 ,i 0 at ,slapton1 9 ,devon%ire1 at ! "t !y took place1 & !re=e ,i only he>d :at ! boys _h told ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,he ask$ u all3 8,d y believe !m80 ,! o!r nuns said1 8,yes40 ,fa!r ,ignatius !n said3 8,d y believe !m1 ,si/] ,agnes80 ,i repli$1 8,no1 de> ,fa!r1 ( c\rse ,i don't4 ,i nev] believe any?+ ! boys say40 ,i _h a p>ticul> dislike to ! mona/]y boys1 & ,i _h (t5 he>d f ! rev]5d ,fa!r :at ly+ boys "s ( ^! v ones 71 & z to he sc>cely ev] spoke ! tru?4 ,!n1 z to poor ,si/] ,janet1 %e 0 c]ta9ly v ecc5tric & peculi>1 & :5 any "o injur$ h] %e usually ?reat5$ to 8call up ! gho/0 ( h] dead fa!r4 ,%e once ?us ?reat5$ a man1 & a prie/1 kn[+ ( x1 disguis$ himself1 & fright5$ ! poor man s mu*1 t he refus$ to g back to ! hut :]e he liv$4 ,ap>t f ?is %e _h h] good po9ts1 & 0 ,fa!r ,ignatius's devot$ slave4 ,z y w h notic$1 ! rev]5d ,fa!r 0 at ,slapton ,conv5t dur+ mo/ ( ! "t :5 ! said app>itions took place1 & he he>d ( ! visions ?r\gh ! lett]s ( ! bro!r at ,llan?ony1 & ,i believe he 0 ! only bro!r at ,llan?ony at ! "t1 & he 0 b a novice-monk4 ,fa!r ,ignatius read ! lett]s to u1 & ,i h>dly knew :at to make ( ! matt]2 b at la/ ! rev]5d ,fa!r return$ & saw = himself ! mo/ m>vell\s & glori\s vision1 aft] :i* ,i v naturally--consid]+ my /ate ( m9d at t p]iod ( my life--?\ght x mu/ be true1 :i* 9 a s5se 0 =tunate = me1 = on 8 next visit he aga9 ask$ me if ,i believ$ 9 x1 & ,i rememb] well ,i repli$3 8,yes1 c]ta9ly1 de> ,fa!r1 ,i d n d\bt y\r ^w40 ,he !n told u t he 0 det]m9$ t no "o %\ld /ay 9 mona/]y or conv5t :o did n believe 9 x4 ,& n[ a ^w or two ab\t ! /ory ( ! 8middle-ag$ lady10 o!rwise ! ,novice-mi/ress1 ! acc\nt ( ^: miracul\s cure ,i h already giv5 9 ! words ( ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,to beg9 )1 t acc\nt diff]s some:at f ! "o ,i c give2 b z ,i am matt]-(-fact 9 my /atem5ts1 ,i ?9k x be/ to give ! facts z ,i "k !m1 = ,i 0 "o ( ! ,slapton nuns at ! "t4 ,yes1 ,i 0 a nun !n1 al?\gh life-v[s _h n be5 pron\nc$ by me2 ,i 0 :at is t]m$ a 8life-v[$ novice10 t is1 9 mak+ my v[s ,i made !m 8until ! "t ( my pr(ession40 ,b ,i h 9 a previ\s "p ( ?is book expla9$ t novice-v[s 7 to all int5ts & purposes well nigh z b9d+ z ^? made 9 full pr(ession4 ,i m]ely give ?is explanation to %[ y ! position ,i 0 9 at t p]iod :5 at ,slapton4 ,fa!r ,ignatius1 9 8 oration on ! app>itions speaks ( me z a nun1 =1 9 t\*+ ^u ! heal+ ( ! ,novice-mi/ress 9 ! ,slapton ,conv5t1 he said3 8,next %e told & %[$ h] si/] nuns ! miracul\s wond]02 i4e41 ! )]$ rhub>b leaf4 ,n[1 z a matt] ( fact1 %e nei!r told ! nuns1 nor %[$ to !m ?is great wond]2 %e may h %[$ & told ! ,"m ,prioress1 b no "o else4 ,! ,vic> ( ,slapton came to celebrate1 & spoke ( ! wondr\s miracle :i* _h tak5 place 9 our mid/4 7,i believe ?is 0 on a ,saturday1 & ! miracle ( heal+ _h tak5 place on ! previ\s ,tuesday47 ,n[1 c]ta9ly we _h be5 m or less ) h] all ?is "t1 & yet we knew no?+ ab\t x2 s :5 ! ,slapton ,vic> gave 8 address1 ,i 0 v puzzl$ to "k :at he meant4 ,:5 ! celebration 0 ov]1 & we _h come out ( ! ,*apel1 ,i ask$3 8,:at did ! ,vic> mean80 & ,i said to ! ,"m1 8,h y really be5 cur$ ,"m mi/ress80 7,x 0 !n t ,i discov]$ t only ! ,"m ,prioress knew ( x47 8,yes2 h y n notic$ x10 %e repli$4 ,i _h to confess t ,i _h n notic$ x1 &1 :at is m1 ,i nev] did1 = %e /ill limp$1 & /ill does4 ,9 fact1 ,i once said1 8,"m mi/ress1 is x n /range t our ,lady did n q cure y8 ,x w\ld h be5 s mu* nic] if %e _h60 ,%e repli$1 8,yes1 b ,i mu/ be grateful = :at %e has done40 ,n[ ,i really did !n believe %e _h done some?+1 b :at x really 0 ,i c\ld n make out1 z ,i saw no diff]5ce 9 h] :atev]4 ,9 fact1 _m times h ,i se5 ! poor nun flu%$ ) pa9 at ! ex]tion ( mov+4 ,mo/ probably ! abscess _h run its c\rse & clos$ naturally j ab\t ! "t :5 ! rhub>b leaf arriv$2 & z to ! rais+ ( ! limb :i* %e _h be5 unable to d = ?irty-eight ye>s1 we all "k h[ easy x is = "s p]sons to imag9e almo/ any?+4 ,b all ,i h to say is1 %e 0 ab\t ! same :5 ,i la/ saw h] z :5 ,i fir/ saw h]2 & if any "o w5t to see h]1 !y w\ld see = !mselves t %e /ill limps4 ,:ile %e 0 a novice1 %e _h a bad attack1 aft] :i* a crut* 0 procur$ = h]1 :i* %e us$ once or twice1 & !n w5t back to h] old /ick2 b bo? crut* & /ick _h be5 giv5 up long be=e ! app>itions1 ?\gh occasionally %e w\ld take ! /ick to g up ! hill )1 to ! summ]-h\se 7& ,i (t5 wi%$ ,i _h "o1 = x 0 a tir+ climb74 ,nev]!less ! /ick & ! crut* are n[ laid at ! 8,%r9e ( our ,lady ( ,llan?ony0 z 8memorials ( ,god's wond]s60 ,i rememb] h[ ,i h look$ at ?is /ick & crut*1 & ?\ghts pass$ ?r\gh my m9d :i* ,i ne$ n m5tion4 ,s9ce ,i f9ally left ! conv5t1 ,i h be5 told t a c]ta9 "y man ackn[l$g$ to a prie/ t he _h enact$ ! :ole ( ! app>ition ) a magic lant]n1 & t ! prie/ _h writt5 to ,fa!r ,ignatius1 advis+ him n to say any?+ m on ! subject1 or else he w\ld make kn[n h[ ! :ole ?+ came ab\t1 or words to ?is effect4 ,probably ! "y man 0 ! railway cl]k1 :o witness$ ! boys' excitem5t on ! subject1 = n[h]e d y he> ( 8 hav+ se5 ! app>ition himself4 ,d\btless he 0 too busy amus+ ! o!rs4 ,n[ ,i d n say positively ! app>itions 7 produc$ by a magic lant]n1 b ,i 0 told s1 & ,i ?9k ?is is ! g5]al op9ion4 ,,*apt] ,,xvii4 ,,lib]ty4 ,i _c b add a *apt] 9 :i* ,i %all especially endeav\r to give a ^w ( c\nsel & w>n+ to all :o may 9 any degree be look+ ^u conv5t life1 :e!r 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl& or 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,rome1 ) a fav\rable eye4 ,i may say s9c]ely ?is book has be5 writt5 ) ?is object4 ,& if1 9 do+ :at seem$ to me s b\nd5 a duty1 ,i h hurt ! feel+s ( any :o are m5tion$ 9 its pages1 x 0 n ) ! object ( do+ s t ,i 0 l$ to speak out ! tru?4 ,my pray] = !m is t !y may be br\ght out into ! same lib]ty t ,i1 ?r\gh ,god's inf9ite m]cy1 am n[ 9 ! enjoym5t (4 ,i c tru?fully say t 9 do+ ?is ,i h fully c\nt$ ! co/1 & x has already co/ me no small am\nt ( pa94 ,i h spok5 ! tru?1 & ,i h endeav\r$ to d s 9 no v9dictive mann]1 b 9 love4 ,di/9ctly ?is book has be5 writt5 to w>n all aga9/ mak+ ! t]rible mi/ake 9 life t ,i made4 ,_h ,i b li/5$ to & obey$ my "m1 h] advice w\ld h sav$ me f wa/+ 7,i c use no o!r ^w1 ?\gh ,god w d\btless ov]rule ?is mi/ake = my own good1 & = ! good ( o!rs7 ! be/ & y\nge/ ye>s ( my life1 & h prev5t$ me f endur+ ye>s ( m5tal suff]+ & mis]y4 ,b :5 ,i w5t a/ray on ! pa? t seem$ s attractive & pleasant1 ,i 0 v "y2 ,i 0 b fifte5 ye>s ( age1 & l1 ,i fe>1 s _m "y & inexp]i5c$ p1 ,i 0 fooli%1 self-will$1 & fanci$ t ,i 0 bett] able to judge = myself ?an o!rs 7 to judge = me4 ,& s ,i 0 l$ to deliv] myself ov] to ! t5d] m]cies ( ,high ,*ur* ,fa!rs & ,mo!rs4 ,i 0 simply bewit*$ by _! 8fair spee*es10 high pr(essions ( sanctity1 & solemn assurances ( ! happ9ess belong+ to ! cloi/]$ life4 ,:5 ,i ?9k ( su* 8false prophets10 ,i am =cibly rem9d$ ( ! words we read 9 #b ,timo?y iii4 #f3 ,( ^! are !y t creep into h\ses1 & take captive silly wom51 lad5 ) s9s1 l$ away by div]s lu/s1 ev] le>n+ & nev] able to come to ! k ( ! tru?4 ,i 0 l$ by ,ignatius to believe t by my action ,i 0 do+ ,god's w1 & t by leav+ my home & relations ,i 0 b obey+ ! comm& ( ,*ri/ to 8leave all & foll[ ,him40 ,0 !re ev] su* an absurdity z ?is8 ,i 0 n call$ to g on a mission to ! teem+ millions liv+ 9 hea!n d>kness1 & take to !m ! ,gospel ( ,god's grace2 nor yet to "w among/ ! hea!n 9 our own l>ge t[ns2 b positively to make myself a prison] 9 "o p>ticul> h\se1 to be %ut up :]e ,i c\ld engage 9 no ,*ri/ian or ev5 philan?ropic lab\r1 & 9 su* an isolat$ position ,i 0 told ov] & ov] aga9 t ,i c\ld live ! highe/1 ! holie/1 & ! happie/ life on e>?1 & )al1 br+ d[n to ! _w ar\nd me bless+s & heal? ?r\gh ! m]its ( 8holy ob$i5ce40 ,i 0 taught t ,i c\ld bless1 & be made a bless+ to o!rs1 by 8tell+ ! beads10 8invok+ ! sa9ts10 8confess+ s9s to man10 by 8he>+ mass10 & by 8recit+ v>i\s (fices40 ,:at incr$ible folly6 ,on look+ back1 ,i f9d h[ great 0 my delusion1 & ,i d he>tily tru/ t my exp]i5ce ( ?is folly may be ! means ( sav+ girls & boys1 m5 & wom51 f wa/+ s mu* preci\s & ,god-giv5 "t1 :i* x 0 my sad lot to lose4 ,i s[$ ! se$ ( bl9d en?usiasm1 & reap$ ! h>ve/ ( untold mis]y1 & blight$ hopes4 ,all ! high-fl[n promises 7:i* ,i s gre$ily swall[$7 ( ! joy1 ! glory1 ! peace1 ! happ9ess ( ! nun's life1 are false promises & va9 delusions4 ,c]ta9ly at "o ( ! ?ree conv5ts 9 :i* ,i resid$ x 0 7z "s ( ! si/]s h said7 8l liv+ 9 a be>-g>d540 ,i d f ! dep?s ( my he>t ?ank ,god = deliv]+ me out ( ! 8be>-g>d510 & ,i pray t ,he w deliv] o!rs1 & give !m c\rage to 8come out40 ,x ne$s "s c\rage to ent]1 b a hundr$ times z mu* to leave4 ,i fe> 9 _m conv5ts1 humanly speak+1 x is1 aft] full pr(ession1 almo/ an impossibility to d s1 =1 z ,i h said1 ! moral bolts & b>s are ev5 m difficult to break ?r\gh ?an ! mat]ial ones2 & ^! latt] are1 especially 9 ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts1 n few or easily to be brok5 ?r\gh4 ,dur+ all ! ye>s sp5t by me 9 nunn]ies ,i _c look back to "o si/]1 & say ,i "k %e is happy1 t %e has f\nd true peace & satisfaction2 b ,i c recollect ! _m :o 7 disappo9t$ at f9d+ ! life s utt]ly diff]5t f :at !y _h be5 l$ to expect4 ,alas6 alas6 ,:5 once we h tak5 up ! 8gold5 pl\gh10 !re is virtually no 8look+ back40 ,:5 once we h made our *oice1 we mu/ abide by x4 ,_m ,i "k bitt]ly regret t !y ev] put _! h&s to ?is gold5 or1 r1 ?is gild$ pl\gh4 ,if nuns 7 only free1 & n consci5ce-b\nd1 !y w\ld tell ! self-same1 true /ory :i* ,i d4 ,b alas6 !y d>e n speak1 !y ev5 sc>cely d>e to ?9k = !mselves4 ,_! reason has be5 giv5 up to _! ,sup]iors 7d rememb] ?is71 & !y h no "r to ?9k any?+ b :at _! ,sup]iors ?9k4 ,x is n y\r place to ?9k1 b to obey4 ,^! words 7 (t5 spok5 to u4 ,& aga93 ,a nun is always sure ( do+ ,god's w1 because h] ,sup]ior's voice is ,god's voice to h]1 & ev5 %\ld ,i1 y\r ,sup]ior1 tell y to tell a lie 7:i* ( c\rse ,i %\ld n71 y w\ld be committ+ ! s9 ( disob$i5ce if y did n d z y 7 told4 ,i recollect well t a c]ta9 de> "y si/] 0 told to tell :at %e believ$ to be a lie4 ,%e 0 9 great di/ress ab\t x1 & w5t to ! ,"m ,sup]ior we !n _h1 tell+ h] t %e did n "k :at to d1 z %e mu/ ei!r commit ! s9 ( ly+ or ( disob$i5ce4 ,:5 a monk or nun is "u v[s1 su* a man or a woman is b a tool to be us$ z ! own] ( t tool sees fit4 ,individuality is sunk 9 ! ord] 9 :i* su* v[s h be5 made4 ,practically1 m5 & wom5 "u v[s 7& x matt]s n :e!r ^! v[s are made 9 ! e/abli%$ ,*ur* ( ,engl& or 9 ! ali5 ,*ur* ( ,rome7 are dead--dead to ! _w1 dead to fa!r1 "m1 si/]s1 bro!rs & fri5ds2 above all1 dead to ! 8/ill small voice0 ( an enlight5$ consci5ce :i* once _h p[] to speak4 ,yes1 !y are dead 9 ano!r s5se ( ! ^w1 = h !y n1 kn[+ly or unkn[+ly1 committ$ an act ( moral suicide8 ,!y are no long] responsible be+s4 ,!y h giv5 up _! s\ls1 _! bodies1 _! wills1 _! consci5ces & reason itself into ! h&s ( _! ,sup]iors1 :o f ! mom5t ^? t]rible v[s are tak5 are to !m 9 ! place ( ,god2 & :atev] comm& ! ,sup]ior gives1 t mu/ !y obey )\t "q & bl9dly4 ,& %\ld "o ,sup]ior give a si/] ov] into ! h&s ( ano!r 7z 0 ! case ) me71 !n t "o mu/ be obey$ ) ! same bl9d ob$i5ce4 ,we 7 taught by ! ,sup]ior3 ,if ! ord] giv5 is s9ful1 t is my s91 & y are n responsible2 b y w\ld be guilty ( great] s9 9 n obey+1 because x w\ld be ! s9 ( disob$i5ce1 & ,god hates t s9 m ?an any o!r1 because x 0 ! s9 t br\ght dea? into ! _w1 & x w br+ dea? to y\r s\l4 ,su* be+ ! case1 we may def9e a nunn]y z a place :]e slaves drag on a we>y exi/5ce day & night4 ,:il/ ! slave-own]s d _! own sweet wills1 we1 _! slaves1 mu/ idolatr\sly b[ d[n to !m1 kiss ! hems ( _! holy g>m5ts1 & obey )\t a murmur4 ,murmur+ at our condition is mo/ /rictly =bidd54 ,inde$1 %\ld ! relatives or fri5ds ( a poor nun g to ! conv5t & !re hold conv]se ) h]1 t conv]sation mu/ be held only ?r\gh a grat+1 & 79 our case1 at any rate7 ! nun mu/ h h] face closely veil$4 ,& ev5 !n x w\ld n be possible to lodge a compla9t ) "o's relative or fri5d1 or ev5 ) "o's own "m1 s9ce ano!r nun is usually s5t to li/54 ,?us x is t we 7 (t5 =c$ to appe> p]fectly happy1 :51 9 tru?1 we 7 j ! opposite4 ,i h _h ?us to appe> :5 speak+ to my own si/]2 my he>t at t "t 0 well nigh break+4 ,b %\ld a nun compla91 ! tra9+ %e has gone ?r\gh w\ld cause h] to be v di/ress$ 9 m9d at hav+ be5 unfai?ful en\gh to br+ sc&al ^u ! s-call$ 8religi\s life10 & %e w\ld feel b\nd to confess x at once to h] ,"m ,sup]ior4 ,i %\ld h writt5 ?is acc\nt ( my exp]i5ces ( conv5t life "s two ye>s ago1 _h ,i n !n fe>$ t by do+ s ,i %\ld be do+ m h>m ?an good1 by expos+ to ! outside _w :at a f>ce & %am "s :o make s mu* pr(ession are1 to say no?+ ( :at a f>ce ! :ole sy/em is4 ,b1 little by little1 ,i h become m free f ! *a9s :i* held me1 & ,i n[ tru/ t ?is book w d m good ?an h>m by sav+ o!rs f be+ l$ away by ! p[] ( ,satan1 = ,i believe x to be ?r\gh ,satanic influ5ce t ?is sy/em exi/s4 ,i s9c]ely hope t ?is book w be read 9 ! _s 9 :i* x is writt51 & t ?us x w be ! means ( sav+ _m p>5ts f he>t-break+ sep>ations f _! belov$ *ildr54 ,i w\ld ask ^? :o are n believ]s 9 ,*ri/ianity n to use x 9 ord] to bol/] !mselves up 9 _! a!i/ical views1 or to see 9 x a pro( ( ! fallacy ( true religion4 ,al?\gh ,i h giv5 up conv5t religion1 yet ,i am a firm believ] 9 ,god4 ,i believe t ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/ di$ & rose aga9 to atone = & save ,8 p f _! s9s1 t ! ,holy ,_s c & does give to all :o believe 9 ,*ri/ a new & a clean he>t1 & grace to walk 9 ! foot/eps ( ! ,savi\r4 ,h[ev] misguid$ ,i 0 :5 ,i ent]$ 9 my conv5t life1 yet ,i 0 induc$ to d s because ,i _h a deep love to my ,savi\r1 & ?\ght ,i c\ld n 9 a bett] way prove my love & increase x4 ,b :o c be surpris$ at a "y girl be+ delud$ & l$ a/ray :5 8false prophets0 arise1 :o pr(ess s mu* hol9ess & s great & exact a k ( ,god's w8 ,_m !re are1 l myself1 :o h be5 misdirect$ & deceiv$ by ritual1 c&les1 fl[]s1 inc5se1 gorge\s ve/m5ts1 g5uflexions1 s5tim5tal music & s]mons1 & ,i "k n :at o!r nons5se4 ,i 0 seek+ ,jesus4 ,i ask$ = bread1 b ,i 0 giv5 a /one4 ,= a "t ! excitem5t aris+ f conv5t life made me ?9k ,i _h f\nd :at ,i s\ght1 b x 0 a va9 delusion1 z ,i f\nd to my co/4 ,!re are 9 ,engli% conv5ts to-day _m unhappy s\ls1 grop+ 9 ! d>k4 ,are we to let !m %>e my fate1 & t ( o!rs1 :i* may be worse8 ,nay1 r let u use our p5s & voices to awak5 & enlight5 ! m5 & wom5 ( ,engl& z to ! tru?4 ,o!rs h expos$ conv5tual life z x exi/s 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*2 b /ill ! p ( ,engl& c sc>cely be alive to ! fe>fully rapid increase 9 ! numb] ( su* conv5ts1#bd or ( ! degrad+ & un-,engli% & un-,*ri/ian nature ( ! life ( a nun !re94 ,x is n my lot to expose ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts2 ! discov]ies ,i h made h be5 made 9 connection ) ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 :i*1 alas1 ?r\gh ! fe>ful gr[? ( ,ritualism1 is becom+ a recruit+ gr\nd = ,rome4 ,my op9ion may n be wor? mu*1 b ,i hold ! /rong conviction t unless ,prote/ants make a great /ir1 & unless ! bi%ops ( ! ,*ur* set ! example1 ,engl&1 at no v di/ant p]iod1 w be ,romaniz$4 ,i c po9t to m ?an two or ?ree conv5ts 9 connection ) ! ,e/abli%$ ,*ur* :]e n only ,roman ,ca?olic books are 9 con/ant use1 b :]e ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,ord9>y ( ! ,mass is us$1 in/ead ( our own ,prote/ant ,communion ,s]vice2 &1 worse ?an all p]haps1 ,i "k ! ,mass 0 on sev]al occasions celebrat$ by a ,roman ,ca?olic prie/ 9 a ,*ur* ( ,engl& conv5t66 ,:5 ,i came out ( conv5t life & mix$ ) ,*ri/ian p1 ,i discov]$ t ! mo/ e>ne/ work]s 7 ^? :o 7 9 ! enjoym5t ( peace4 ,!y 7 liv+ 9 ! sunlight ( ,god's love2 !y 71 s to speak1 good )\t kn[+ x1 !y _h no "t to be always ?9k+ ( !mselves1 b !y 7 ev] look+ to ,god4 ,n[1 9 ! conv5t x _h be5 f> o!rwise2 we _h be5 taught by man to try ) all our might to be good accord+ to set rules1 & c]emonies1 & me?ods h&$ d[n to u by ,roman ,ca?olic sa9ts1 or s-call$ ,fa!rs ( ! ,*ur*1 & to be cont9ually exam9+ & f+]+ our spiritual muscles to see h[ we 7 gett+ on 9 ! spiritual life4 ,9 consequ5ce ( su* a me?od1 !re 0 con/ant failure1 z !re ev] w be "u su* a sy/em4 ,i feel ,i h mu* to be ?ankful = t ,god %\ld h l$ me to see my mi/ake 9 life4 ,x 0 ,8 "w1 =1 9 spite ( ! treatm5t ,i receiv$1 ,i /ill clung to ! conv5t life4 ,my motive = leav+ x 0 ma9ly to get away f be+ misund]/ood & misrepres5t$1 & f ! endurance ( cruel p5ances4 ,b s9ce !n my eyes h be5 fur!r op5$1 s t ,i n[ totally disagree ) ! :ole sy/em1 & ,i ?ank ,god = hav+ s provid5tially tak5 me by ! h&4 ,he & ,he alone has deliv]$ me f s _m ,satanic delusions1 & ,he & ,he alone has made kn[n to me ! 8tru? z x is 9 ,jesus10 & n 9 ,romi% rites & c]emonies4 ,i c & d inde$ rejoice 9 ! lib]ty :]e) ,*ri/ has made me free2 ,i am free to s]ve ,him 8)\t fe>10 & ,i am free to let my light %9e t o!rs may le>n !reby to glorify my heav5ly ,fa!r4 ,i ?ank ,him especially = n lett+ me rema9 9 ! conv5t any long]1 wa/+ "t & preci\s opportunities ( do+ good & help+ o!rs4 ,& ,i d pray t ,he w ev] keep me 9 a li/5+ & wait+ attitude ( m9d ^u ,himself1 s t ,i may 8he> :at ! ,"l w speak3 = ,he w speak peace unto ,8 p1 & to ,8 sa9ts40 ,& may ,he s speak to me t ,i may nev] 8turn aga9 to folly40 ,t ,god may use ^! poor ef=ts ( m9e to op5 ! eyes ( _m1 is ! pray] ( h] :o1 ) ! man ^: eyes ! ,"l once op5$1 c say1 8,once ,i 0 bl9d1 n[ ,i see40 ,,devotional ,,books ,,us$ ,,by ,,si/] ,,m>y ,,agnes1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,,app5dix ,a4 8,,manual ,,( ,,devotions ,,to ,,our ,,holy ,,fa!r1 ,,/4 ,,b5$ict1 ,,abbot ,,& ,,patri>* ,,( ,,! ,,we/]n ,,monks2 ,,to ,,8 ,,si/]1 ,,/4 ,,s*ola/ica1 ,,virg9 ,,& ,,abbess2 ,,& ,,to ,,all ,,sa9ts ,,( ,,8 ,,ord]40 7,london3 ,ca?olic ,publi%+ & ,booksell+ ,co4 ,limit$47 ,fa!r ,ignatius calls himself a ,b5$ict9e monk1 & 8 nuns belong to ! same ord]4 ,"o w\ld h suppos$ t ?\gh he imitat$ ,rome 9 ! wor%ip ( ! waf] & ( ! ,virg91 he w\ld /ill h hesitat$ to g ! full l5g? ( ,romi% sup]/ition by oblig+ 8 nuns to put _! tru/ 9 su* que/ionable *>act]s z ,gregory ,,vii41 ,?omas ,becket1 etc4 ,yet on page #ahe ( ! above book !y are requir$ to ask ,gregory ,,vii4 to pray = !m1 & on ! foll[+ page ,?omas ,becket is invok$ 9 ! same mann]4 ,:o & :at ^! two ,romi% sa9ts 71 tru?ful ,engli% hi/ory abundantly proves4 ,z ! title ( ! book %[s1 x is int5d$ to fo/] devotion to ,/4 ,b5$ict1 to 8 si/] ,s*ola/ica1 & to all ! o!r canoniz$ sa9ts ( ! ,b5$ict9e ,ord]4 ,n[1 :o canoniz$ ^! suppos$ sa9ts8 ,0 x n ,rome8 ,! fir/ "p is entirely devot$ to ! hon\r+ & invok+ ( ,/4 ,b5$ict4 ,?r\gh\t ?is "p we frequ5tly meet ) ! v]se1 8,pray = u1 ,o holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict40 ,!re are also a numb] ( litanies1 9 :i* he is call$ ^u z be+ n[ 8plac$ ov] ! *oirs ( monks10 z 8! /> ( ! _w10 z 8! equal ( ! prophets10 z 8protector ( 8 ord]10 z 8! sc\rge ( devils10 z ! 8,abraham ( ! ,new ,te/am5t10 & is entreat$ ) ! cry1 8,we besee* !e to he> u40 ,on page #dg ! foll[+ invocation occurs3 8,besee*+ !e 7holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict7 to be s fai?fully pres5t to me at ! h\r ( my dea?1 z to oppose ?yself on e side :]e ?\ %alt see ! assaults ( ! enemy mo/ viol5tly rag+ aga9/ me1 t1 be+ def5d$ by ?y pres5ce1 ,i may securely escape ! sn>es ( ! enemy1 & arrive at ! joys ( heav540 ,simil> impieties occur ?r\gh\t ?is & ! o!r p>ts4 ,?us1 9 ! "p devot$ to ,/4 ,s*ola/ica1 on page #aca1 we f9d ! foll[+ collect3 8,m]cifully look d[n ^u ,?y family1 we besee* ,!e1 ,o ,"l1 ?r\gh ! m]its ( ,?y bless$ ,virg91 ,/4 ,s*ola/ica2 & z by h] pray]s ,?\ did/ cause ! ra9 to desc5d f heav5 deign1 ?r\gh h] supplications10 etc4 ,a numb] ( litanies also occur1 9 :i* %e is address$ 9 ! mo/ gu%+ way1 & ask$ to pray = ^? :o ?us address h]4 ,moreov]1 ?is book introduces pray]s = ! dead4 ,?us1 on page #afe1 ! v]sicle1 8,may ! s\ls ( ! fai?ful dep>t$1 ?r\gh ! m]cy ( ,god1 re/ 9 peace40 ,!re are _m o!r sup]/iti\s practices conta9$ 9 ! book1 notably ! m$al ( ,/4 ,b5$ict1 ! we>+ ( :i* is decl>$ on page #bbc to be 8a con/ant sil5t pray] to ,god1 ''' t ,he w\ld h reg>d to ! m]its ( our holy ,fa!r1 & = 8 sake w\ld ext5d ,8 own protection10 etc4 ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes says t ! :ole ( ?is book1 ) ! exception ( ! "p on ,indulg5ces1 0 9 con/ant use by ! nuns "u ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,mu/ n !n mona/icism be a fo/]+ g>d5 ( sup]/ition1 s9ce ev5 ^? :o claim to reject ,rome resort to ! same subt]fuges z ,rome does to fill ! void t mu/ necess>ily exi/ 9 ! a*+ he>ts ( all ! delud$ foll[]s ( mona/icism8 ,! next book1 "u ,app5dix ,b1 w appe>1 if possible1 ev5 m grossly sup]/iti\s ?an ! =m]4--7,,editor47 ,,app5dix ,b4 8,,! ,,ex]cises ,,( ,,sa9t ,,g]trude1 ,,virg9 ,,& ,,abbess ,,( ,,! ,,ord] ,,( ,,/4 ,,b5$ict40 7,london3 ,burns ,oates47 ,9 ! preface a %ort acc\nt is giv5 ( ! life ( ,/4 ,g]trude1 :i* is *iefly a leg5d>y hi/ory1 & made up ( "s ( ! mo/ absurd & ridicul\s tales4 8,once1 :5 %e 0 p\r+ out h] :ole he>t 9 love to its ,div9e ,sp\se1 x receiv$ ! impression ( ! five w\nds ( ! ,div9e ,r$eem]1 & ,g]trude felt !m cont9ually to ! mom5t ( h] dea? ) an ev]-increas+ angui% & love40 ,aga91 8,on ano!r occasion1 on ! ,fea/ ( ,annunciation1 ! ,"m ( ,god fa/5$ on h] brea/ a heav5ly jewel1 :]e9 7 sev5 preci\s /ones40 ,aga91 we h ano!r /ill m extraord9>y miracle v\*saf$ to h]2 = 8once %e receiv$ 9 h] he>t ! ,div9e ,infant1 :o sprang f 8 crib to atta* himself to h]40 ,mu/ n su* tea*+ z ?is be 9 ! highe/ degree degrad+8 ,& mu/ n ^? :o c swall[ su* /uff be spiritually dem5t$8 ,x is almo/ ne$less to po9t out t ,sa9t ,g]trude is said to h be5 devot$ to ! wor%ip ( ! ,virg9 ,m>y4 ,we f9d ! foll[+ mo/ blasphem\s words on ! subject3 8,! love ( ,g]trude t[>ds ,m>y 0 9 proportion to ! t5d]ness ) :i* ! ,"m ( ,god reg>d$ ! de>e/ ( ! ,sp\ses ( h] ,son4 ,g]trude has bequea!d to u ! expression ( h] devotion to ! glori\s ,que5 ( heav5 9 t exquisite pray] :i* s expressively reveals ! deep & t\*+ "* ( h] piety3 #8,hail1 fair lily ( ! effulg5t & ev]-glori\s ,tr9ity6 ,hail1 radiant rose ( heav5ly fragrance1 ( :om ! ,k+ ( heav5 will$ to be born1 & ) ?y milk to be f$1 fe$ our s\l ) ?y ,div9e ins9uations6'0 ,i w only give ! la/ pray] 9 ! book to %[ h[ ! invocation ( suppos$ sa9ts is inculcat$1 z 9 ! o!r book s commonly us$ 9 mona/ic & conv5tual in/itutions4 8,o ,god1 :o ha/ prep>$ = ,?yself a dwell+-place ( delights 9 ! mo/ pure he>t ( ! bless$ ,virg9 ,g]trude1 deign1 we besee* ,!e1 ?r\gh h] m]its & int]cession1 to wipe away all /a9s f our he>ts1 t !y may become meet abodes ( ,?y ,div9e ,maje/y1 ?r\gh ,jesus ,*ri/ our ,"l4 ,am560--7,,editor47 ,,app5dix ,c4 ,,review ,,( 8,,visits ,,to ,,! ,,mo/ ,,holy ,,sacram5t ,,& ,,! ,,bless$ ,,virg9 ,,m>y4 ,,by ,,/4 ,,alphonsus ,,liguori40 7,publi%$ by ,burns ,oates47 ,?is book 0 s5t to me by ,si/] ,agnes1 :o wrote z foll[s :5 =w>d+ x3 8,i s5d ! book :i* we us$ daily4 ,x 0 my con/ant fri5d = ye>s2 my tr\bles & sorr[s ,i confid$ to x4 ,! hymns ) ! ^w #8,ignatius' at ! end are 81 b n ! o!rs2 ! writ+ 9 ! fir/ "p ( ! book1 writt5 9 ,,ms4 on =eign note pap]1 is tak5 f ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori1 & 0 approv$ ( by ,ignatius1 except ! "p ,i h cov]$ ov]3 t he did n approve (4 ,x treats ( s9ful ob$i5ce4 ,i _c q make x out4 ,! book x is cull$ f is1 ,i ?9k1 entitl$ #8,! ,religi\s ,life4'0 ,be=e review+ ! book itself1 ,i purpose to place be=e y a "p ( ! matt] 8writt5 on =eign note pap]10 & /uck c>efully into ! book1 act+ z a k9d ( preface to x1 z we may say4 ,rememb] ?is matt] is tak5 f ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori's 8,life ( ! ,religi\s40 8,!re is no consecration s pr(\nd1 s entire z t ( #8religi\s' on ! day ( _! pr(ession1 because !re is none s purify+1 s con/ant1 or s religi\s4 ,! consecration ( bi%ops & prie/s is m exalt$1 z be+ a ,sacram5t2 x is m noble1 z conf]r+ a m sublime dignity & ineffable "*2 yea1 x is m p[]ful1 because x imp>ts to a m]e creature "s ( ! p[]s ( ,god4 ,b x is n s complete z ! mona/ic consecration1 because x does n include a man's entire sep>ation f himself & f ! _w2 x is n s entire1 because x does n absolutely consume ! lib]ty1 ! indep5d5ce1 & ! spontane\sness ( 8 nature3 x is a great sacrifice & a great ,sacram5t1 b n a ,,true ,,holocau/40 ,i w\ld urge my read]s to /ay a mom5t & m>k c>efully1 & inw>dly dige/ ?is description ( a nun's life4 ,:]e is ! lib]ty t is s va9ly spok5 (8 ,are we n "h told t a nun by h] pr(ession has h] lib]ty absolutely consum$2 t is to say1 %e is a prison] = life8 ,notice1 ,i pray y1 ! words 8x is a true holocau/40 ,9 fact1 ! s9 ( ! *ildr5 ( ,israel1 :o 8caus$ _! sons to pass ?r\gh ! fire10 is committ$ ov] aga94 ,z k+ ,manasseh 8caus$ 8 *ildr5 to pass ?r\gh ! fire 9 ! valley ( ! son ( ,h9nom10 s "u ! pret5ce ( (f]+ ! nuns to ! s]vice ( ,god1 ! ,roman ,ca?olics1 & alas6 memb]s ( ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&1 8sacrifice _! sons & daught]s to devils0 7,ps4 cvi4 #cg74 ,x is no?+ b ,molo* wor%ip ov] aga94 ,b to proce$ ) ,liguori's description ( ! life ( ! religi\s3 8,! violation ( ! v[s is !n a v griev\s s9 aga9/ ! virtue ( religion--7x is7 ! crime ( sacrilege4 ,man1 consecrat$ to ,god & to ,8 s]vice1 becomes some?+ div9e2 he owes himself1 !re=e1 a religi\s respect1 :i* reb\nds ev] to ,god2 & if ev] he %\ld di%on\r by mortal s9 ! virtues ( pov]ty1 ob$i5ce1 & virg9ity1 ( :i* he has made pr(ession1 he w\ld commit an outrage aga9/ ! ,div9e hon\r1 he w\ld be guilty ( sacrilege4 ,:at ra%ness6 :at crime6 :at impiety w\ld x n be !n 9 y to violate y\r v[s6 8,! infidelity ( consecrat$ p]sons is m awful ?an ! sacrilege committ$ aga9/ holy places1 ,eu*>i/ vessels1 holy pictures1 or relics4 ,y\r s\l w\ld %udd] at ! m]e ?\ght ( a desecrat$ temple1 a di%on\r$ ciborium1 a brok5 crucifix1 or ( a sa9t's body ca/ into ! flames3 w\ld x !n cons5t to f> m horrible crimes1 or to m infam\s violations8 ,virg9ity d]ives n its nobility & wor? f itself1 b r because x is an (f]+ to ! ,"l1 inspir$ & pres]v$ by prud5ce & piety ( ! s\l4 8,if x %\ld happ5 t a religi\s1 9 draw+ comp>ison betwe5 8 life & t ( ,*ri/ians 9 ! _w1 %\ld be seiz$ ) a holy fe> le/ he be less zeal\s1 less pure1 or less f]v5t ?an _m ( !m1 he may /ill f9d a legitimate reassurance 9 ! ?\ght t 8 actions1 ?\gh !y may be app>5tly less virtu\s & brilliant1 d]ive1 not)/&+1 great] value & m real devotion ?an !irs f ! virtue ( religion1 :i* is _! *ief s\rce1 & :i* has s high a place among/ ! m virtu\s40 ,d we n see "h h[ a nun is taught to meet :at mu/ be an (t-recurr+ ?\ght--t h] life is utt]ly useless1 & t %e is unable to devote h]self actively to ! s]vice ( ,god1 & t mis]y & unhapp9ess surr\nd h]1 & t %e _c be s pure z _m :o1 liv+ 9 ! _w1 are n %ut up1 s to speak1 ) only _! own he>t's corruptions to brood ov]4 ,%e is taught t all ^! s]i\s fail+s are m ?an aton$ = by ! m]e fact t %e has made a solemn pr(ession ( pov]ty1 *a/ity1 & ob$i5ce4 ,b to proce$4 8,he may be consol$ t he has et]nally consecrat$ to ! ,"l ! root ( 8 actions 9 su* a way t !y all be> ! ?reefold "* ( a pr(\nd religion1 ard5t g5]osity 7871 & et]nal atta*m5t to t :i* is good4 ,we may reasonably suppose t on its entrance into religion1 by mak+ pr(ession ( ! v[s1 ! ,*ri/ian s\l obta9s remission ( all its s9s4 ,n t ! religi\s pr(ession1 consid]$ 9 itself1 possesses a sacram5tal virtue1 op]at+ by its own intr9sic & indep5d5t (fice1 or t x c1 l baptism & p5ance1 blot out ! /a9 ( s92 b if x be s9c]e1 x is a mo/ excell5t act ( p]fect *>ity1 :i* unites u v closely to ,god1 by an effectual outp\r+ ( ,8 sanctify+ grace1 & by an abundant remission ( ^? temporal puni%m5ts :i* rema9 due to s9 aft] its guilt has be5 =giv54 8,be=e dismiss+ ?is noble subject ( religi\s pr(ession let u n omit to obs]ve t ! v[ ( ob$i5ce is its *ief feature4 ,t :i* is done by ob$i5ce is m agreeable to ,god ?an t :i* is p]=m$ by "o's own w4 ,y\r ,sup]ior is l a sacr$ vessel :]e9 ,god has plac$ = u all ,8 desires & graces1 & ! true pro( ( religi\s sanctity1 ! sure tok5 ( p]fection1 is ! p]fection ( ob$i5ce to all ,sup]iors4 8,ne$ we add t ob$i5ce has its limits4 ,!re are1 fir/ly1 ?+s =bidd5 by ! law ( ,god1 :i* a ,sup]ior _c prescribe )\t inju/ice1 s9ce1 be+ !n no long] subord9ate to ! ,div9e w1 he c no long] s]ve z a m$ium betwe5 him & 8 subject4 ,!y are )\t ! pale ( ob$i5ce1 & ! ,sup]ior has no au?ority to en=ce !m4 ,! subject1 !re=e1 is n to act contr>y to ! law ( ,god1 or to ! rule :i* !y pr(ess to foll[2 9 su* ob$i5ce w\ld be illicit40 ,i mu/ make a few obs]vations on ?is matt] ( ob$i5ce4 ,notice h[1 by su* an ob$i5ce1 a pr(ess$ nun 7or monk7 transf]s to an err+ mortal ! :ole responsibility ( h] actions4 ,%e has to f9d out ,god's w ?r\gh ! ,sup]ior's4 ,! ,sup]ior is to h] 9 ! place ( ,god1 & practically 8 law & ord] becomes = h] ,god's law & ord]4 ,h[ c %e remon/rate1 :5 ! ,sup]ior comm&s :at is aga9/ ! law ( ,god1 :5 %e has be5 taught t %e c only le>n :at is ,god's law ?r\gh ! m$ium ( ! ,sup]ior8 ,& if %e d>$ to resi/ h] ,sup]ior's w because %e felt x to be lead+ h] a/ray1 d y suppose t ! ,sup]ior w\ld ev] ackn[l$ge himself or h]self to be 9 ! wrong8 ,& is x likely t ! poor nun w\ld escape "s t]rible p5ance = d>+ to d\bt ! propriety ( any behe/8 ,b ! la/ p>agraph1 comm5c+ 8,ne$ we add t ob$i5ce has its limits10 & clos+ ) 8,su* ob$i5ce w\ld be illicit10 0 c>efully hidd51 = ,fa!r ,ignatius _h told 8 nuns to pa/e a piece ( pap] ov] x1 s9ce he c\ld n agree ) ! ,romi% doctor6 ,he requir$ an absolute & unconditional ob$i5ce1 & believ$ x impossible = a ,sup]ior to prescribe any law t 0 aga9/ ! law ( ,god4 ,/4 ,alphonsus ,liguori has always be5 consid]$ an extreme expon5t ( ,romi% doctr9es2 b n[ we f9d a man hold+ ord]s 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl& go+ ev5 beyond ,liguori4 ,i beg my read]s to make a special note ( ?is4 ,i w n[ f9i% my extracts f ! writ+ on =eign note-pap] ins]t$ 9 ! book ,i am ab\t to review4 8,! religi\s is a p]son consecrat$ = ev] to ! div9e s]vice0 7m>k ?is 8= ev]0--a prison] = life1 my fri5ds1 no?+ m or less71 8& :o _c disgrace 8 high dignity )\t committ+ sacrilege4 ,he has solemnly v[$ t he w belong to no o!r b ,god2 he has devot$ himself to foll[ aft] et]nal wisdom 9 ord] to become p]fect1 & ! religi\s1 9 s9n+1 has /ripp$ himself ( 8 ju/ice & m]its & become a %ameful ru91 a horrid corpse40 7,?is is en\gh to fright5 a poor1 timid girl1 & to b9d h] 9 *a9s to h] prison47 8,! spiritual dang]s ( ! religi\s life are n to be attribut$ to ! v[s1 b r to ! fault1 ( him :o1 by *ang+ 8 m9d1 transgresses ^? v[s4 ,d n !n1 "u ! pressure ( mo/ cruel temptations0--7:o makes !m cruel8 ,read ! exp]i5ces ( ,miss ,povey or any o!r nun :o has _h ! good =tune to escape1 or to be turn$ out ( h] prison1 & y w f9d out7--8regret ! pr(ession y h made 9 ! fulness ( lib]ty0--7rememb] t previ\s to pr(ession ! ,sup]iors h cunn+ly wov5 _! entangl+ web ar\nd ! nun1 & ! pr(ession may be comp>$ to ! spid]1 aft] he has secur$ 8 prey1 c>ry+ ! poor helpless fly into ! inn] prec9cts ( 8 home7--8b r behave ! m dilig5tly to subject y\r impati5t nature to s salut>y a yoke40 ,m>k ! ^w 8salut>y40 ,is x n a well-atte/$ fact t _m nuns g mad f ! unnatural conf9em5t )9 conv5t walls8 ,i c only hope to give a v %ort review ( ?is book1 :i* 0 plac$ 9 ! h&s ( a nun :o 0 a memb] ( ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&4 ,i h n "t = an elaborate or l5g?y acc\nt ( its cont5ts4 ,i d n ?9k t x 0 only at ,llan?ony t ?is book 0 us$1 & x is to be fe>$ t :il/ ! ,fel?am conv5t is n[ no long] "u ! w+ ( ,fa!r ,ignatius1 yet t1 ) ! exception ( unconditional ob$i5ce1 ! tea*+ !re is z extreme & z ,romi% z at ,llan?ony1 & yet ,i believe a cl]gyman1 hold+ a lic5ce to (ficiate 9 ! diocese ( ,london1 acts z *apla9 !re4 ,h[ long our bi%ops are go+ to all[ & w9k at ?is /ate ( ?+s1 ,i "k n6 ,may ,god raise up _m fai?ful m5 :o w dem& t ! laws ( our ,prote/ant ,*ur* be compli$ )6 ,! above "w is "o ( ! s-call$ devotional books prescrib$ by ,fa!r ,ignatius1 to be us$ by ! nuns "u 8 control4 ,x is a ,roman ,ca?olic publication1 9 con/ant use 9 all ! mona/ic & o!r in/itutions ( t ,*ur*2 0 compos$ 9 ,italian by ,liguori1 ! f\nd] ( ! ,r$emptori/ ,ord]1 translat$ into ,engli% by ! ,rev4 ,r4 ,a4 ,c(f91 a memb] ( t ord]1 & publi%$ by ,burns ,oates1 ! lead+ ,romi% publi%]s 9 ,great ,brita94 ,! nature ( ?is book may be readily asc]ta9$ f ! fact t x presupposes ! consecrat$ waf] to be really & truly ,*ri/ himself1 & t x insi/s ^u ! ,virg9 ,m>y z be+ ! ,savi\r ( e "o t is sav$4 ,=1 9 ! beg9n+ ( ! introduction1 ,liguori says3 8,our holy fai? tea*es u1 & we are b\nd to believe1 t 9 ! consecrat$ ho/ ,jesus ,*ri/ is really pres5t "u ! species ( bread02 &1 fur!r on1 speak+ ( ! visits to ! ,virg91 he says3 8,! op9ion ( ,/4 ,b]n>d is well kn[n & g5]ally believ$4 ,x is t ,god disp5ses no graces o!rwise ?an ?r\gh ! h&s ( ,m>y4''' ,h5ce1 ,fa!r ,su>ez decl>es t x is n[ ! s5tim5t ( ! univ]sal ,*ur* t #8! int]cession ( ,m>y is n only useful1 b ev5 necess>y to obta9 graces1'0 & he concludes3 8,d y !n be also c>eful to always jo9 to y\r daily visit to ! mo/ bless$ ,sacram5t a visit to ! mo/ holy ,virg9 ,m>y 9 "s *ur*1 or at lea/ be=e a dev\t image ( h] 9 y\r own h\se40 ,h5ce on page #be we f9d a pray] to ! ,virg91 beg9n+ ) ! words3 8,mo/ holy immaculate ,virg91 & my "m #8,m>y1'0 9 :i* %e is /yl$ ! 8que5 ( ! _w10 8! hope1 ! refuge ( s9n]s10 & ! foll[+ blasphem\s expressions are us$3 8,i wor%ip !e1 ,o great que51 & ,i ?ank !e = all ! graces :i* ?\ ha/ hi!rto grant$ me2 & especially ,i ?ank !e = hav+ deliv]$ me f hell1 :i* ,i h s (t5 des]v$4''' ,i place all my hopes 9 !e1 & ,i confide my salvation to ?y c>e1 etc40 ,h5ce ?r\gh\t ! book occur su* expressions z ! foll[+3 8,sole refuge ( s9n]s1 h m]cy on me40 8,o ,m>y1 grant me ! grace always to h rec\rse to !e40 8,hail1 our hope40 8,my hope1 help me40 8,!re=e1 my lady1 & my hope1 if ?\ do/ n help me1 ,i am lo/40 8,all :o are sav$ obta9 salvation ?r\gh !e2 ?\ !n1 ,o ,m>y1 ha/ to save me10 & ! l4 ,extracts might be pil$ ^u extracts1 b en\gh h be5 giv5 to %[ ! nature & t5d5cy ( ! book4 ,yet ?is book ! nuns1 "u ,fa!r ,ignatius's jurisdiction1 are induc$ to keep z a con/ant companion4 ,x does n seem necess>y to say any?+ fur!r on ! head ( ?is book3 = its anti*ri/ian nature mu/ be app>5t to all /ud5ts ( ! pure ^w ( ,god4 ,9 ,*ri/ alone is salvation1 & ,he alone is our ,m$iator betwe5 ,god & man4--7,,editor47 ,,footnotes #a ,i read z foll[s 9 ! ,octob] numb] ( ! ,prote/ant ,obs]v]3--8,i rememb] he>+ ,fa!r ,ignatius tell an ,ox=d audi5ce "s ye>s ago t he 0 call$ ,ignatius1 n aft] ! fam\s ,fa!r ( ! e>ly ,*ur*1 b #8aft] my patron-sa9t1 ,ignatius ,loyola1 f\nd] ( ! ,jesuit ,ord]4' ,may we n call him ,ignatius ,loyola ! ,second80 #b 8,!re are p]sons1 ev5 among/ #8,religi\s1' s ins5sible to ! sorr[s & suff]+s ( o!rs1 t we might ask :e!r !y possess a human he>t0 78,?\ghts & ,sugge/ions = ,rituali/ic ,si/]s ( ,*>ity10 page #ha ,london3 ,hodges1 #ahga74 #c ,^! 7 held 9 ,hunt] ,/reet1 ,brunswick ,squ>e2 ! si/]s 7 ( ! ?ird ord]1 or associate si/]s1 liv+ 9 ! _w1 b we>+ a dress simil> to t 9 my photograph4 ,!y us$ to accompany ,fa!r ,ignatius :5 he w5t to prea* or att5d meet+s ( a m private "* 9 ,hunt] ,/reet4 ,x 0 at "o ( ^! meet+s t ,i fir/ met ! ,fel?am ,"m1 e>ly 9 ! ye> #ahfh4 #d ,if ! read] w look at ! la/ v]se ( ?is *apt] 9 ! ,book ( ,numb]s1 he w see t ! v[s !re spok5 ( c h no connection ) conv5t v[s1 nor c !y supply any au?ority = !m4 ,we read 9 ! la/ v]se3 8,^! are ! /atutes :i* ! ,"l comm&$ ,moses betwe5 a man & 8 wife1 betwe5 ! fa!r & 8 daught]1 be+ yet 9 h] y\? 9 h] fa!r's h\se40 ,please note ?is4 ,oh1 h[ clev] & subtle are "s p 9 twi/+ ,scripture & wre/+ x f its prop] be>+6--,,editor4 #e ,9 8,! ,rule ( our ,mo/ ,holy ,fa!r ,/4 ,b5$ict10 edit$1 ) ,engli% translation & explanatory notes1 by a monk ( ,/4 ,b5$ict's ,abbey1 ,=t ,augu/us1 occur ^! words1 :i* %[ t ! rules :i* regulate ! conv5ts connect$ ) ?is ,ord] are v simil> to ^? regulat+ ! mona/]ies ( ! same ord] 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,rome3 8,by no means let a monk be all[$ to receive1 ei!r f 8 p>5ts1 or any "o else1 or f 8 bre?r51 lett]s1 tok5s1 or any gifts :atsoev]1 or to give !m to o!rs1 )\t p]mission ( ! abbot4 ,& if any?+ be s5t to him1 ev5 by 8 p>5ts1 let him n presume to receive x1 until x ha? be5 made kn[n to ! abbot4 ,b ev5 if ! abbot ord] x to be receiv$1 x %all be 9 8 p[] to bid x to be giv5 to :om he please?1 & let n ! bro!r to :om x may h be5 s5t be griev$1 le/ occasion be giv5 to ! devil4 ,%\ld any "o1 h[ev]1 presume to act o!rwise1 let him be subject$ to ! discipl9e ( ! ,rule0 7p4 #aee74--;,,editor4 #f ,john ,b]*mans 0 ! son ( a ma/] %oemak] nam$ ,john ,*>les ,b]*mans1 & 0 born 9 ! ye> #aeii4 ,8 biograph]s tell u t z a *ild he grew up z g5tle & guileless z a lamb1 & e>ly %>$ 8 "t betwe5 ! s*ool & ! alt>4 ,:5 ab\t fifte5 ye>s ( age1 he jo9$ ! ,society ( ,jesus1 al?\gh 8 p>5ts 7 some:at oppos$ to 8 tak+ ?is /ep4 ,9 a lett] to 8 "m at t "t he tri$ to br+ 8 p>5ts to be reconcil$ to 8 tak+ ?is /ep2 he wrote1 8,god is n[ pleas$1 aft] mu* pray]1 out ( ,8 goodness to give me a vocation to religion & to ! #8,society ( ,jesus1' ! hamm] ( all h]esies1 ! vessel ( virtue & p]fection4 ,i hope y w n be s unreasonable z to oppose ,him1 b z 7z ,i h read 9 hi/ory17 ! ,egyptians (f]$ _! *ildr5 to ! crocodile1 :i* !y look$ ^u z a god1 &1 :ile x 0 eat+ !m up1 ! p>5ts made high fe/ival1 s too1 ,i hope y w rejoice z !y did1 & praise ,god1 & ?ank ,him t y\r son %\ld be f\nd wor?y10 etc4 ,?is ,jesuit sa9t seems to h be5 8celebrat$ = devotion to ,8 ,"l 9 ! bless$ ,sacram5t0 & devotion to ! ,virg9 ,m>y4 ,he 0 look$ ^u z a 8port5t ( hol9ess40 ,he is said 8to h pres]v$ un/a9$ by griev\s s9 ! :ite robe ( baptism40 ,he di$ 9 ! ye> #afba4 ,at eight o'clock on ,friday1 ,aug4 #ac?1 #afba1 ) 88 eyes on 8 crucifix10 & ) 8! holy names ( ,jesus & ,m>y on 8 lips he w5t to 8 rew>d40 ,miracles ( c\rse 7 said to be wr\ght ?r\gh 8 relics4 ,9 #ahfe1 ,pius ,,ix4 publi%$ ! decree = 8 beatification1 & on ,jan4 #ae?1 #ahhh1 ,leo ,,xiii41 amid/ ! spl5did fe/ivities ( 8 sac]dotal jubilee1 solemnly canoniz$ him z a sa9t4--,,editor4 #g ,! late ,rev4 ,dr4 ,pusey recomm5d$ ,rituali/ic ,fa!r ,confessors to give ! foll[+ advice to ^? ,si/]s ( ,m]cy :o might happ5 to be _! p5it5ts3 8,i w\ld h great respect paid 9 confession to y\r confessor1 = 7to say no?+ ( ! hon\r due to ! prie/hood7 we ought to look ^u !m z angels s5t by ,god to reconcile u to ,8 ,div9e goodness2 & also z ,8 lieut5ants ^u e>?1 & !re=e we owe !m all rev]5ce1 ev5 ?\gh !y may at times betray t !y are human1 & h human infirmities1 & p]haps ask curi\s que/ions :i* are n "p ( ! confession1 su* z y\r "n1 :at p5ances or virtues y practise1 :at are y\r temptations1 etc4 ,i w\ld h y answ]1 al?\gh y are n oblig$ to d s40 78,manual = ,confessors10 p4 #aij4 ,london1 #ahgh47 ,heav5 help ! poor si/]s :o h to answ] ! 8curi\s que/ions0 ( an inquisitive or wick$ ,fa!r ,confessor4--,,editor4 #h ,! foll[+ is an extract f a lecture deliv]$ by ,mr4 ,w4 ,wal%1 at ,ba?1 report$ 9 ! ,engli% ,*ur*man1 ,nov4 #bf1 #ahhf3 8,he 7,mr4 ,wal%7 _h n[ to direct att5tion to ! ,v[ ( #8,ob$i5ce1' tak5 by _m ,rituali/ic ,si/]s ( ,m]cy4 ,! rule z to #8ob$i5ce' v>i$ consid]ably4 ,9 ,dr4 ,pusey's si/]hood1 x 0 v objectionable inde$4 ,! rule ( holy ob$i5ce comm&s ! si/]s3 #8,ye %all ev] address ! spiritual ,"m ) hon\r & respect2 avoid speak+ ( h] among y\rselves2 *]i% & obey h] ) holy love1 )\t any murmur or sign ( hesitation or repugnance1 b simply1 cordially1 & promptly obey ) *e]fulness1 ,,& ,,bani% ,,f ,,y\r ,,m9d ,,any ,,"q ,,z ,,to ,,! ,,wisdom ,,( ,,! ,,comm& ,,giv5 ,,y4 ,if ye fail 9 ?is1 ye h fail$ to resi/ a temptation ( ! evil "o4' 8,w\ld n su* a rule z ?is1 ,mr4 ,wal% cont9u$ to say1 if plac$ 9 ! h&s ( a wick$ ,"m ,sup]ior1 lead to ! mo/ fe>ful results8 ,9 ,fa!r ,b5son's #8,religi\s ,life ,portray$ = ! ,use ( ,si/]s ( ,m]cy1' ! tea*+ 01 if possible1 plac$ 9 a /ill m fe>ful light4 ,9 t book ! si/] is taught t-- 8#8,a religieuse has made ! sacrifice ( h] w 9 tak+ ! ,v[ ( ,ob$i5ce4 ,%e is no m h] own1 b ,god's2 & %e mu/ obey h] ,sup]iors = ,god's sake1 yield+ h]self z wax to be m\ld$ unresi/+ly4'0 ,well did ,mr4 ,wal% obs]ve3 8,p]sons :o _h to submit to #8ob$i5ce' su* z ?is 7 z truly slaves z any negro40--,,editor4 #i ,!re mu/ be _m simil> ly+ leg5ds ( ?is k9d1 9 ord] to /amp ^u ignorant & sup]/iti\s m9ds ! necessity ( ob$i5ce4 ,9 8,! ,secret ,plan ( ! ,jesuits10 by ! ,abbot ,leone1 ! foll[+ /ory is told3 8,fa!r ,saetti1 knock+ at my door "o morn+1 accord+ to 8 cu/om1 ,i did n op5 x4 #8,:y ?is delay8' he ask$ me4 ,i repli$ t ,i c\ld n op5 ! door soon]4 ,he !n rem9d$ me t1 9 all ?+s1 ! mo/ prompt ob$i5ce 0 ! mo/ p]fect2 t1 9 obey+ ,god1 we mu/ make e sacrifice1 ev5 t ( a mom5t ( "t4 #8,"o ( ! bre?r51' he cont9u$1 #80 occupi$ 9 writ+1 :5 "s "o knock$ at ! door4 ,he _h begun to make an 8,o10 b he did n /ay to f9i% x4 ,he op5$ ! door1 & on return+ to 8 seat1 he f\nd ! 8,o0 complet$1 & all 9 gold6 ,?us y see h[ ,god rew>ds him :o is ob$i5t4'0 ,did n ,/4 ,paul prophesy t ^? w\ld arise :o w\ld 8speak lies 9 hypocrisy10 & did he n say1 8,refuse pr(ane & old wives' fables08 7#a ,tim4 iv4 #a-g74--;,,editor4 #aj ,see ,app5dix ,c4 = ! tea*+ we receiv$ conc]n+ ! nature ( ! ,v[ ( ,ob$i5ce4--,,editor4 #aa ,:ile ^! pages 7 pass+ ?r\gh ! press1 ! ,we/]n ,mail1 ( ,c>diff1 on ,m>* #crd1 #ahij1 publi%$ a report1 f ! p5 ( its special correspond5t1 ( ! reception ( ?ree new monks at ,llan?ony ,abbey by ,fa!r ,ignatius4 ,we repr9t ?is report1 slightly abridg$3 8,! great ev5t at ! morn+ s]vice 0 ! consecration ( ?ree bre?r5 z monks4 ,!y 7 giv5 new names aft] _! consecration4 ,! abbot gave ,cymric names to ! ?ree new monks1 nam+ "o ,mihangel ,dewi ,fair1 ano!r ,catwg ,fair1 & ! ?ird ,dyfrig ,fair4 ,! great organ ?und]$ =? sweete/ melody1 & ! voices ( unse5 *ori/]s s++ a ,wel% *ant u%]$ 9 ! solemn s]vice4 ,! ?ree monks 9 reply to ! abbot--:o 0 mo/ gorge\sly app>el$ 9 clo? ( gold & hood1 :i* caught & held ! lights :i* blaz$ =? f all p>ts ( ! build+--:o ask$ :e!r x 0 _! wi% to dep>t1 said1 #8,we wi% to dwell 9 ! ,h\se ( ! ,"l = ev]6' ,! abbot ask$1 w\ld !y make a solemn v[ ( celibacy1 ob$i5ce1 & pov]ty4 ,t 0 answ]$ 9 ! affirmative4 ,aft] "s o!r c]emonies ( ! mo/ gorge\s description _h be5 obs]v$1 ! ?ree bre?r5 :o s\ght to be made monks laid !mselves d[n on _! backs on ! floor ( ! *ur*4 ,a fun]al pall 0 plac$ ov] !m to signify t !y 7 h5ce=? dead to ! ?+s ( ?is _w4 ,a long wax c&le 0 plac$ at ea* ( ! f\r corn]s ( ! c>pet on :i* !y laid4 ,?is 0 foll[$ by ! ,burial ,s]vice be+ p]=m$ by ! abbot1 & ! great bell toll$ z if = ! dead1 & ! ,de ,pr(undis 0 solemnly *ant$4 ,mov+ ar\nd ! pro/rate figures1 ! abbot1 n[ rob$ 9 black ve/m5ts1 scatt]$ a%es ^u !m1 & said1 #8,a%es to a%es1 & du/ to du/4' ,he !n spr9kl$ holy wat] ^u ! pro/rate =ms4 ,a black curta9 0 n[ drawn across ! *ur*1 hid+ ev]y?+ f ! congregation4 ,subsequ5tly t 0 )drawn1 & x 0 !n se5 t ! ?ree monks _h comm5c$ _! spiritual exi/5ce4 ,! head ( ea* bore ! tonsure1 & 0 encircl$ ) a wrea? z describ$ above4 ,! abbot receiv$ ! ?ree monks1 ea* ( :om held b5ea? 8 *9 ! h\sel+ :ite clo?4 ,lat] on 9 ! s]vice ! abbot1 /&+ 9 w$d+ g>m5ts on ! /eps ( ! alt>1 proclaim$ ! ?ree new monks z be+ #8! sp\ses ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1' & on ! ?ird f+] ( ! left h& ( ea* he plac$ a pla9 w$d+ r+4 ,aft] ! c]emony ( consecration 0 ov]1 ! ?ree "y monks took _! seats1 cov]$ ) crimson clo?1 & ?irte5 or f\rte5 nuns1 completely conceal$ 9 :ite wraps1 desc5d$ f some:]e1 & b[$ l[1 to receive ! bless+ ( ! monks4 ,! above w give ! read] "s idea ( ! extraord9>y & gorge\s ritual obs]v$ on ! occasion40--,,ed4 #ab ,9 ! 8,little ,manual ( ,devotions10 = ! use ( ! 8,pilgrims0 to ,llan?ony ,abbey1 ,fa!r ,ignatius tea*es t--8,x is a pi\s cu/om ( dev\t ,*ri/ians1 on see+ a monk1 to kneel & kiss ! hem ( ! sacr$ habit2 if done f love to ,jesus1 & rev]5ce to ! habit ( ! ,consecrat$ ,life1 a great bless+ w be receiv$0 7page #f74--;,,editor4 #ac ,at t p]iod my lett]s 7 n kept back2 b y w see t at any "t t suits ! ,sup]iors lett]s may be & (t5 are nev] s5t4 #ad ,9 ! ,*ur* ( ,engl& ,ca?olic & ,mona/ic ,times = ,june #bd1 #ahhd 7:i* 0 ! organ ( ,fa!r ,ignatius71 !re appe>s an article entitl$ 8,l5t at ! ,mona/]y40 ,x is /at$ t 9 ! ev5+ ( ,a% ,w$nesday1 8,compl9e 0 said1 & !n1 :ile ! nuns retir$ to _! ,priory = ! ,s]vice ( ! ,discipl9e1 ! monks proce$$ to ! ,discipl9e 9 ! solemn *oir0 7page #e74 ,?is confirms ! /atem5t ( ,si/] ,m>y ,agnes t ! 8,discipl9e0 0 9 use at ,llan?ony4--,,editor4 #ae ,?is la/ ev5t1 ,i %\ld m5tion1 took place 9 ,devon%ire4 ,!re are no /airs at ! ,llan?ony conv5t4 #af ,9 ! article on 8,l5t at ! ,mona/]y10 :i* we h already quot$ f ! ,mona/ic ,times1 x is /at$ t on ,a% ,w$nesday1 at ,llan?ony1 8,fir/ ! ,sup]ior ,fa!r ,ignatius receiv$ ! holy a%es on 8 tonsur$ head1 !n ! monks2 aft] ?is ! nuns desc5d$4''' ,"o by "o !y knelt be=e ! prie/1 receiv$ ! a%es on _! veil$ heads1 & disappe>$ beh9d ! ,great ,%r9e4''' ,nones1 ,litany1 & ! sev5 p5it5tial ,psalms 7 said2 ! latt] kneel+ or ly+ pro/rate 9 ! a%es 9 ! c5tre ( ! *oir40--,,editor4 #ag ,probably few p cr$it :at ,i "k to be a fact1 t su* in/rum5ts ( torture are 9 use 9 probably all mona/ic & conv5tual in/itutions4 ,i h by me n[ a book call$ 8,prie/s1 ,wom51 & ,families10 by ,j4 ,mi*elet1 publi%$ 9 #ahgd by ! ,prote/ant ,evangelical ,mission4 ,9 ! editor's preface to ?is book !re are two sets ( engrav+s ( 8,articles ( ,piety02 or1 ,in/rum5ts ( ,torture 9 ,engli% ,conv5ts4 ,"u ! fir/ set ( engrav+s1 ,i read ?us3 8,in/rum5ts ( torture are n[ practis$ ^u nuns 9 ,romi% conv5ts 9 ,london1 & 9 all p>ts ( ! c\ntry40 ,! ,romi% 8,articles ( ,piety10 nam$ on ! next page1 7 b\ght at ,little's ,ecclesia/ical ,w>eh\se1 #bj1 ,cranb\rne ,/reet1 & at ! conv5t ( ! 8,si/]s ( ! ,assumption ( ! ,p]petual ,adoration ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t40 7,london47 ,su* in/rum5ts ( torture are fitt] = ! wor%ipp]s ( ,baal1 ?an = ! wor%ipp]s ( ,god2 & a p]son us+ !m ^u cattle w\ld lay himself op5 to a prosecution by ! 8,society = ! ,prev5tion ( ,cruelty to ,animals40 ,bo? ! p>ties :o pur*as$ ^! articles are intimately kn[n to ,mr4 ,rob]t ,/eele1 ! secret>y ( ! ,prote/ant ,evangelical ,mission & ,electoral ,union1 #e1 ,racquet ,c\rt1 ,fleet ,/reet1 ,e4,c4 ,*ri/ian read]1 x is y\r duty to te/ify1 on ,god's behalf1 aga9/ ! blasphemy & cruelty ( ,romanism4 ,! ,mak] & ,pres]v] ( man is ! lov+ ,fa!r1 :o gave ,8 only begott5 ,son to die = u1 & ?us make atonem5t = our s94 ,! second engrav+ is head$1 8,iron ,discipl9es ( ! ,*ur*40 ,!re ,i read3 8,sa9t ,liguori1 ! ,doctor ( ! ,romi% ,*ur*0 7& an au?or /rongly recomm5d$ to ! nuns & monks "u ,fa!r ,ignatius71 8comm5ds ! use ( ,discipl9es to ! #8,true ,sp\se ( ,*ri/1' ?us3 8,discipl9es1 or ,flagellations1 are a species ( mortifications /rongly recomm5d$ by ,/4 ,francis ( ,sales1 & univ]sally adopt$ 9 religi\s communities ( bo? sexes40 ,!n aft] a m9ute description ( "s fifte5 ( ! in/rum5ts ( torture1 ,i read ^! words3 8,7 su* cruelties p]petrat$ ^u ! hea!n1 all our ,*ri/ian *ur*es w\ld res\nd ) appeals to ! sympa?y ( ! p to come to ! help ( ! suff]]s4 ,?is w\ld be comm5dable4 ,:y1 !n1 is ! same c\rse n adopt$ on behalf ( nuns1 :o1 z ,rev4 ,pi]ce ,connelly says1 #8are n only slaves1 b :o are1 de facto1 by a ,satanic consecration1 secret prison]s = life1 & may any day be put an end to1 or mu* worse1 ) less risk ( v5geance "h 9 ,engl& ?an 9 ,italy & ,spa9'80--,,editor4 #ah ,an ext]n is a bo>d]1 or associate4 #ai ,see ,app5dix ,a1 & ,b1 & ,c1 :]e "s ,romi% lit]ature us$ is review$4--,,editor4 #bj ,fa!r ,ignatius has himself describ$ ?is s]vice 9 8 book entitl$ 8,bro!r ,placidus10 & records1 9 connection ) x1 a wond]ful 8miracle10 :i* he decl>es actually occurr$ 9 8 mona/]y4 ,x is h>d to und]/& h[ any p]son outside a lunatic asylum c believe 9 su* a 8miracle03-- 8,mat9s 7 ov] at five m9utes be=e midnight4 ,a procession quickly =m$ 9 ! ,refectory2 &1 z ! h\r ( joy & gladness /ruck1 ! figure ( ! holy ,*ild 0 borne 9 /ate to ! crib1 ) light$ tap]s1 inc5se1 & *ant+-- #8,ye fai?ful1 approa* ye1 joyful & triumphant1 ,o come ye1 ,o come ye to ,be?lehem4' ,! infant figure is ly+ on its l95 swaddl+ b&s1 9 ! /raw2 ! c\ntless tap]s are flam+1 amid cl\ds ( sweete/ inc5se1 & %\ts ( triumph song4 ,! little figure 0 *>m+ly lifelike--! head slightly rais$1 ! h& also lift$1 z if 9 bless+4 ,9 due ord] all pres5t approa*$ to kiss ! sacr$ emblems ( ,inc>nate ,love4 ,) long1 light$ tap]s !y approa*$1 & kneel+ d[n1 kiss$ ! uprais$ h&4 ,fir/ ! ,abbot2 !n ,fa!rs ,!odore1 ,philip1 & ,dro/an2 aft] !m ,bro!rs ,pancras1 ,oswald1 ,e!lr$1 & !n ,placidus4 ,h[ pale ! fair face ( ! "y novice looks6 ,h[ 8 h& is trembl+1 z he grasps ! burn+ tap]6''' ,! novice has be5 long+ = ?is mom5t--long+ to press 8 burn+ lips ^u t infant h&--long+ to make 8 ador+ confession ( fai? 9 ,m>y's little ,babe4 #8,o my ,jesus1 my ,k+1 my ,god1 let me come & adore ,!e4'''' ,) words l ^! bur/+ f 8 he>t1 b all unhe>d by aught save ,him = :om !y all 7 utt]$1 ,bro!r ,placidus knelt to kiss ! little h&4 #8,oh6 oh6' bur/ f ! lips ( ! *ildr51 :ile ! eld] bro!rs fell involunt>ily on _! knees4 ,bro!r ,placidus _h kiss$ ! holy ,*ild1 &1 z he did s1 ! figure became animat$ ) life1 & b[$ its head1 & return$ ! kiss1 & ! little h& _h be5 laid on ! novice's head4 ,! tap] dropp$ f 8 h&1 & he fell into a deep swoon1 on ! floor1 be=e ! %r9e ( ! ,nativity0 7pages #aae-aah74 #ba ,i almo/ tremble at all[+ su* blasphemy z ?is to appe>2 x is too %ock+4--,,editor4 #bb ,i h se5 ?is *>m 9 ! %ape ( a dri$ piece ( leaf4 ,miss ,povey has "o n[ 9 h] possession4--,,editor4 #bc ,god grant t x may nev] be reviv$1 & t x w nev] be recognis$ z a "p ( ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&'s ma*9]y6--,,editor4 #bd ,i believe !re are n[ 9 ,engl&1 ,wales1 & ,scotl&1 no less ?an #deh ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts4 ,besides1 !re are ab\t #dh h\ses = ,jesuits1 & #aga mona/]ies4 ,if ! p ( ,engl& make no prote/ aga9/ ?is sy/em1 :i* is s ess5tially un-,engli%1 if our ,gov]nm5t d n en=ce ! exi/+ laws aga9/ ! entrance ( ,jesuits into ?is c\ntry & ! sett+ up ( mona/]ies1 & if our ,gov]nm5t refuse to li/5 to ! wi%es ( ?\s&s 9 our l& = conv5ts to be imp>tially inspect$1 w n ! masses1 ?\gh su* a c\rse mu/ be deplor$1 ere long feel almo/ impell$1 at lea/ ) "s conv5ts1 to take ! law 9 _! own h&s8--,,editor4 99 99 99 99 99 #bg1 ,,pat]no/] ,,r[1 ,,london4 ,,hodd] ,,/\ghton',s ,new & ,rec5t ,publications4 ,,! ,,*ri/ian ,,m9i/ry3 ,its ,orig91 ,con/itution1 ,nature1 & ,"w4 ,! ,donnellan ,lectures = #ahhh1 toge!r ) ,notes & ,app5dices4 ,by ! ,v ,rev4 ,,william ,,lefroy1 ,d4,d41 ,dean ( ,norwi* 7sometime ,incumb5t ( ,/4 ,&rew's1 ,liv]pool2 ,honor>y ,canon ( ,liv]pool ,ca!dral1 & ,ar*deacon ( ,w>r+ton74 ,9 "o volume1 #hvo1 price #ads4 ,,/udies ,,on ,,! ,,epi/les4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,pr(essor ,f4 ,,godet1 ,d4,d4 ,translat$ by ,mrs4 ,,annie ,,h>wood ,,holmd54 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,,p]sonal ,,& ,,family ,,glimpses ,,( ,,rem>kable ,,p4 ,by ! ,v5]able ,ar*deacon ,e4 ,w4 ,,:ately1 ,m4,a41 late ,*ancellor ( ,/4 ,patrick's & ,rector ( ,w]b]gh1 ,dubl94 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 #f;d4 ,,imago ,,*ri/i3 ,! ,example ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,james ,,/alk]1 ,m4,a41 ,au?or ( 8,! ,life ( ,jesus ,*ri/10 8,! ,life ( ,/4 ,paul10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,irel& ,,& ,,! ,,anglo-,,norman ,,*ur*3 ,a ,hi/ory ( ,irel& & ,iri% ,*ri/ianity f ! ,anglo-,norman ,conque/ to ! ,dawn ( ! ,re=mation4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,g4 ,t4 ,,/okes1 ,d4,d41 ,pr(essor ( ,ecclesia/ical ,hi/ory 9 ! ,univ]sity ( ,dubl91 & ,vic> ( ,all ,sa9ts'1 ,blackrock2 ,au?or ( 8,irel& & ! ,celtic ,*ur*10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #is4 ,,b5jam9 ,,helli]3 ,8 ,life & ,tea*+4 ,a ,biographical ,sket*1 ) ,extracts f 8 ,lett]s1 ,s]mons1 & ,addresses4 ,edit$ by ,,8 ,,*ildr54 ,) ,portrait & ,illu/rations4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,alone ,,) ,,! ,,^w3 ,devotional ,notes on ! ,:ole ( ! ,new ,te/am5t4 ,by ,g4 ,/r+] ,r[e1 ,gov]nor ( ,head+ley ,college1 ,le$s4 #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,canon ,,wynne1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,fragm5t>y ,,records ,,( ,,jesus ,,( ,,naz>e?4 ,f ! ,lett]s ( a ,contempor>y4 ,by ,,fr$]ick ,r4 ,,wynne1 ,d4,d41 ,canon ( ,*ri/ ,*ur*1 & ,incumb5t ( ,/4 ,mat?ias'1 ,dubl94 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,simple & yet =cible 9 /yle1 ! little volume is likely to lead ! wav]+ to a firm] fai?40--,noncon=mi/4 8,?is volume w be read ) pr(it = its wisdom1 excell5t _s1 ?or\gh fairness1 & delightfully rev]5t tone40--,*ri/ian ,advocate4 ,,ii4 ,,! ,,joy ,,( ,,! ,,m9i/ry4 ,an ,endeav\r to ,increase ! ,effici5cy & ,deep5 ! ,happ9ess ( ,pa/oral ,"w4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,second ,edition4 8,!re is no cl]gyman ( any ,*ur*1 old or "y1 :o w n be mov$1 & !re mu/ be v few :o w n be heal?ily /imulat$1 by ! p]usal ( a "w bas$ on ! pure/ ,*ri/ian pr9ciples1 & embody+ 9 graceful language ! results ( wide obs]vation & p]sonal practice40--,scotsman4 ,,iii4 ,,pla9 ,,pro(s ,,( ,,! ,,great ,,facts ,,( ,,*ri/ianity4 ,= ! ,help ( ,m9ds ,p]plex$ ) ,difficulties4 ,*eap ,edition4 ,clo?1 price #as4 #f;d4 ,,iv4 ,,sp5t ,,9 ,,! ,,s]vice4 ,a ,memoir ( ! ,v ,rev4 ,a*illes ,daunt1 ,d4,d41 ,dean ( ,cork4 ,) selections f 8 ,lett]s1 ,di>ies1 & ,s]mons4 ,?ird ,edition4 ,) ,portrait1 price #es4 8,we feel grateful to ,mr4 ,wynne = giv+ u s lifelike a sket* ( a v beautiful "*40--,lit]>y ,*ur*man4 8,a mo/ int]e/+ memoir4 ,mr4 ,daunt appe>s to h be5 n only an eloqu5t & f]v5t prea*]1 b a mo/ holy man1 s+ul>ly true & ?or\gh 9 all relations ( life4 ,! memoir is unusually well writt51 & readable40--,gu>dian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,*ri/ian ,,!ism3 ,a ,popul> ,survey ( ! ,evid5ce on :i* x re/s1 & ! ,objections urg$ aga9/ x ,consid]$ & ,refut$4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,preb5d>y ,c4 ,a4 ,,r[1 ,m4,a41 ,d4,d4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,! ,,hall[+ ,,( ,,criticism3 ,n9e ,ca!dral ,s]mons on ,elijah4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,pr(4 ,t4 ,k4 ,,*eyne1 ,d4,d41 ,canon ( ,ro*e/]4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,pale/9e ,,9 ,,! ,,"t ,,( ,,*ri/4 ,by ,,edmond ,,/apf]1 ,d4,d41 ,pr(essor 9 ! ,prote/ant ,!ological ,faculty ( ,p>is4 ,translat$ by ,,annie ,,h>wood ,,holmd54 ,) ,map4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #is4 8,! book1 z a :ole1 is ( great int]e/1 & w prove1 we believe1 a great help to ^? :o desire to rea* = !mselves ! actual mean+ ( ! ,gospels4 ,x w be a valuable addition to ! app>atus criticus ( ! ,biblical /ud5t1 & w help to give col\r & vividness to ! prea*]'s description ( sc5es & incid5ts f :i* he w\ld draw =? moral & spiritual lessons = 8 he>]s40--,noncon=mi/4 ,,! ,,tr9ity ,,( ,,evil4 ,i4 ,,infidelity4--,,ii4 ,,impurity4--,,iii4 ,,intemp]ance4 ,by ,rev4 ,canon ,,wilb]=ce1 ,m4,a4 ,new & ,*eap] ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,"o ( ! mo/ sonor\s & tell+ trumpet-bla/s aga9/ infidelity1 impurity1 & intemp]ance we h ev] he>d4 ,e page ( ! ,canon's n only ?robs ) passionate e>ne/ness 9 ! cause ( tru? & righte\sness1 b is full ( po9t & f9e lit]>y p[]40--,lit]>y ,_w4 ,,daniel',s ,,prophecies ,,n[ ,,be+ ,,fulfill$4 ,) a ,h>mony 9 ! ,words ( ! ,revis$ ,v]sion4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,e4 ,p4 ,,ca*emaille1 ,m4,a4 ,9 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #bs4 #f;d4 ,,light ,,& ,,col\r ,,emblematic ,,( ,,reveal$ ,,tru?4 ,by ! late ,major ,r4 ,w4 ,d4 ,,nickle4 ,edit$ by ,,s>ah ,,%>p4 ,) ,diagrams4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,! "w is highly edify+1 & w be f\nd by lov]s ( ,holy ,scripture to conta9 mu* t is fre% & in/ructive4 ,! diagrams are *oice1 & t5d greatly to ! elucidation ( ! subject4 ,by ! help ( ?is "w a new doma9 ( k is op5$1 & _m passages ( ,holy ,writ re-illum9$40--,*ri/ian4 ,,"s ,,c5tral ,,po9ts ,,( ,,our ,,"l',s ,,m9i/ry4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,h5ry ,,wace1 ,d4,d41 ,pr9cipal ( ,k+'s ,coll41 ,london1 & ,hon4 ,*apla9-9-,ord9>y to ! ,que52 ,au?or ( 8,! ,f\ndation ( ,fai?10 8,*ri/ianity & ,morality10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,! ,,rev4 ,,canon ,,bell1 ,d4,d41 ,rector ( ,*elt5ham4 ,,our ,,daily ,,life3 ,its ,duties & its ,dang]s4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,! subjects select$ are admirably h&l$4 ,x is a v excell5t1 mo/ useful book40--,*ur* ,bells4 ,,h5ry ,,m>tyn4 ,*eap ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #as4 8,a wor?y record ( a noble life40--,:itehall ,review4 8,9 e way a mo/ delightful volume40--,rock4 ,,! ,,valley ,,( ,,weep+ ,a ,,place ,,( ,,spr+s4 ,a ,practical ,exposition ( ! ,?irty-second ,psalm4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,! :ole volume is delightful 9 e way4 ,z a m$itative "w1 x is "o :i* w be pr(\ndly enjoy$ by ^? :o c obta9 a copy ( x40--,cl]gyman's ,magaz9e4 ,a ,,w9t] ,,on ,,! ,,nile1 ,,9 ,,egypt1 ,,& ,,9 ,,nubia4 ,second ,edition4 ,arti/ically b\nd1 ,eau de ,nil clo?1 price #fs4 ,) ,map4 8,he is an excell5t travell]1 mak+ fri5ds ) ev]ybody1 receiv+ invitations f ,egyptian au?orities1 =eign consuls1 & ,coptic cl]gy1 & ! native peasantry1 all alike op5+ _! he>ts & homes to him4 ,! result is an insight into ,egypt z x is1 & v mu* z x has be5 = a ?\s& ye>s4 ,! ,canon's descriptions ( mann]s & cu/oms are lifelike1 & sometimes n a little amus+40--,times4 ,,glean+s ,,f ,a ,,t\r ,,9 ,,pale/9e ,,& ,,9 ,,! ,,ea/4 ,second ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #fs4 ,) ,map & ,illu/rations4 8,canon ,bell is a s*ol> & some?+ ( a poet2 & ! read] may be sure t any?+ :i* proce$s f 8 h& is writt5 ) c>e1 rev]5ce1 & poli%$ skill4''' ,x is a pleasant duty to recognise ! admirable _s 9 :i* ,canon ,bell has treat$ ! m important "p ( 8 "w4 ,! reflections ^u a visit to su* spots z ! ,m\nt ( ,olives1 ! ,g>d5 ( ,ge?semane1 or ! place ( ! ,crucifixion1 are conceiv$ 9 a truly rev]5t & maje/ic ve94 ,! v]ses writt5 9 contemplation ( ^! sacr$ spots are m>k$ by great beauty & devotion4 ,!y read l "s ( ! ,*ur*'s glori\s hymns ( ! ,passion set anew1 9 fre% /ra9s & v>i$ metre40--,morn+ ,po/4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,*ri/ ,,& ,,8 ,,p4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,?irte5 ,addresses by ,,! ,,bi%op ,,( ,,liv]pool1 ,,! ,,dean ,,( ,,ripon1 ,,ar*deacon ,,ri*>dson1 ,,canon ,,ho>e1 ,,preb5d>y ,,edmonds1 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,m\le1 ,,canon ,j4 ,w4 ,,b>dsley1 ,,sir ,,emilius ,,laurie1 & ,,george ,,ev]>d4 ,,! ,,revelation ,,( ,,john3 ,an ,exposition4 ,by ,p4 ,w4 ,,grant1 ,au?or ( 8,! ,bible ,record ( ,creation ,true = ,e ,age10 8,! ,great ,memorial ,"n10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 ,,! ,,sa9t ,,& ,,8 ,,savi\r4 ,by ,c4 ,h ,,spurgeon4 ,a ,new ,edition1 set up & pr9t$ f new type4 ,) ,portrait4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,! ,,wom5 ,,fri5ds ,,( ,,jesus2 or1 ,lives & ,*>act]s ( ! ,holy ,wom5 ( ,gospel ,hi/ory4 ,by ,,h5ry ,c4 ,,mccook1 ,d4,d4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 8,dr4 ,mc,cook describes 9 felicit\s & fl[]y language ! lives & *>act]s ( fam\s wom5 ( ,gospel hi/ory40--,scotsman4 8,ri* 9 ,biblical & hi/orical k1 & graphic & picturesque 9 /yle40--,glasg[ ,h]ald4 8,x w be no difficult task to write _m a p>agraph 9 praise ( ! exquisite pa?os1 ! insight into womanly "*1 :i* ^! pages brea!40--,me?odi/ ,record]4 ,,! ,,/ory ,,( ,,! ,,life ,,( ,,jesus ,told 9 ,words ,easy to ,read & ,und]/&4 ,by ! ,au?or ( 8,! ,/ory ( ! ,bible10 etc4 ,) ,=ty ,illu/rations4 ,h&somely b\nd1 fcap4 #dto1 clo?1 price #bs4 8,an excell5t ,sunday book = *ildr52 ! /ory is t5d]ly & brightly told1 ! pictures ( ,ea/]n life & ,jewi% mann]s =m an effective runn+ comm5t>y on ! text1 :i* is int]sp]s$ besides ) graphic views ( ! sacr$ cities1 sites1 & sc5]y40--,times4 ,,toil]s ,,9 ,,london2 or1 ,enquiries ,conc]n+ ,female ,lab\r 9 ! ,metropolis4 ,by ! 8,,briti% ,,weekly0 ,,commission]4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,newly ,,enli/$4 ,a ,s]ies ( ,talks ) ,"y ,conv]ts4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,!odore ,,cuyl]1 ,d4,d4 ,squ>e #afmo1 #afj pp41 clo?1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,cle>1 bright1 =cible1 ^! talks are full ( wisdom4 ,! book mu/ r\se z well z tea* _m40--,me?odi/ ,record]4 8,?is is a beautiful little volume1 replete ) s\nd ?\ght1 practical in/ruction1 & e>ne/ evangelical tru?40--,*ri/ian ,news4 ,,! ,,gr[? ,,( ,,*ur* ,,in/itutions4 ,by ,rev4 ,,edw9 ,,hat*1 ,d4,d41 ,read] 9 ,ecclesia/ical ,hi/ory1 ,ox=d4 ,second ,edition4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #es4 8,dr4 ,hat*'s va/ le>n+1 8 compreh5sive grasp ( 8 subject d[n to its m9ute/ details1 8 lucid /yle1 & 8 rem>kable c&\r1 are equally conspicu\s1 & we /rongly comm5d ! /udy & ! ma/]y ( ?is volume to all :o are anxi\s to set ! ecclesia/ical problems ( our day 9 _! true light1 & to resi/ ! p]si/5t claims ( an arrogant prie/hood40--,freeman4 ,,! ,,anglican ,,pulpit ,,( ,,to-,,day4 ,=ty ,%ort ,biographies & ,=ty ,s]mons ( ,di/+ui%$ ,prea*]s ( ! ,*ur* ( ,engl&4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,h&somely b\nd 9 clo?4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dr4 ,,godet',s ,,biblical ,,/udies4 ,i4 ,,/udies ,,on ,,! ,,new ,,te/am5t4 ,by ,f4 ,,godet1 ,d4,d41 ,pr(essor ( ,!ology1 ,neu*tel4 ,edit$ by ! ,hon4 & ,rev4 ,w4 ,h4 ,,lyttelton1 ,m4,a41 ,canon ( ,gl\ce/]4 ,sev5? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,ii4 ,,/udies ,,on ,,! ,,old ,,te/am5t4 ,f\r? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,unque/ionably ,m4 ,godet is "o ( ! fir/1 if n ! v fir/1 ( contempor>y comm5tators4 ,we h no hesitation 9 advis+ all /ud5ts ( ! ,scripture to procure & to read ) c>eful att5tion ^! lum9\s essays40--,lit]>y ,*ur*man4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,pr9cipal ,,fairbairn1 ,d4,d4 ,,/udies ,,9 ,,! ,,life ,,( ,,*ri/4 ,by ,a4 ,m4 ,,fairbairn1 ,d4,d41 ,mansfield ,college1 ,ox=d4 ,fif? ,edition4 #hvo1 price #is4 8,^! /udies are full ( spiritual p5etration1 pr(\nd philosophy ( moral life1 & lit]>y beauty4 ,dev\t 9 feel+1 & evangelical 9 !ological view1 !y are yet *>act]is$ by great fre$om & indep5d5ce ( ?\ght40--,briti% ,qu>t]ly ,review4 ,,! ,,city ,,( ,,god4 ,a ,s]ies ( ,discussions 9 ,religion4 ,?ird ,edition4 ,price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we h read _m ( ! truly brilliant passages ( ?is volume ) ?rill+ delight4 ,! !ology is or?odox1 ! logic is accurate1 & ! le>n+ pr(\nd40--,ecclesia/ical ,gazette4 ,,religion ,,9 ,,hi/ory ,,& ,,9 ,,! ,,life ,,( ,,to-,,day4 ,f\r? ,?\s&4 ,clo?1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,8 cle> & closely-reason$ ?\ght f9ds utt]ance 9 cle> & well-knit spee*40--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,! ,,miracles ,,( ,,our ,,"l4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,pr(essor ,j4 ,,laidlaw1 ,d4,d41 ,au?or ( 8,! ,bible ,doctr9e ( ,man10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,romance ,,( ,,psalt] ,,& ,,hymnal3 ,au?ors & ,compos]s4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,r4 ,e4 ,,wel%1 ,m4,a41 & ,f4 ,g4 ,,edw>ds1 ,au?or ( 8,unit$ ,praise40 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 ,,tropical ,,africa4 ,by ,,h5ry ,,drummond1 ,f4,r4,s4,e41 ,f4,g4,s4 ,fifte5? ,?\s&4 ,) ,six ,maps & ,illu/rations1 price #fs4 8,pr(essor ,drummond is a cle> & accurate obs]v]1 & z he has _h a s\nd sci5tific tra9+1 & has a real int]e/ 9 ! human side ( ,african life1 he is able to pres5t u ) pictures ( a di/9ctness & orig9ality n (t5 met ) 9 books ( ,african travel40--,times4 ,,natural ,,law ,,9 ,,! ,,spiritual ,,_w4 ,by ,pr(4 ,,h5ry ,,drummond1 ,f4,r4,s4,e41 ,f4,g4,s4 ,tw5ty-fif? ,edition1 complet+ ,n9ety-second ,?\s&4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,?is is "o ( ! mo/ impressive & sugge/ive books on religion t we h read = a long "t4 ,inde$1 ) ! exception ( ,dr4 ,mozeley's #8,univ]sity ,s]mons1' we c recall no book ( our "t :i* %[$ su* a p[] ( re-/at+ ! moral & practical tru?s ( religion s z to make !m take fre% hold ( ! m9d & vividly impress ! imag9ation40--,spectator4 ,,! ,,greate/ ,,?+ ,,9 ,,! ,,_w4 ,an ,address on #a ,cor9?ians xiii4 ,cr[n #hvo1 lea!rette1 price #as42 clo?1 #bs4 #f;d4 ,,lectures ,,on ,,! ,,hi/ory ,,( ,,prea*+4 ,by ! late ,rev4 ,,john ,,k]1 ,d4,d4 ,second ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,a valuable legacy to ! ,*ur* ( ,*ri/4 ,we "k no bett] book ?an ?is to place 9 ! h&s ( c&idates = ! m9i/ry1 & we %\ld gladly see x us$ by ! bi%ops ( our own ,*ur* z an indisp5sable text-book = all :o are /udy+ = holy ord]s40--,engli% ,*ur*man4 ,,james ,,macdonell ,,( 8,,! ,,times03 ,a ,/ory ( ,self-,help4 ,by ,w4 ,,rob]tson ,,nicoll1 ,m4,a4 ,) ,et*$ ,portrait by ,h4 ,manesse4 #hvo1 price #abs4 ,,mod]n ,,sci5ce ,,9 ,,bible ,,l&s4 ,by ,sir ,j4 ,,william ,,dawson1 ,f4,r4,s4 ,) ,maps & ,illu/rations4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 price #is4 8,! result ( a t\r ?r\gh ,italy1 ,egypt1 & ,syria1 collect$ by a geological obs]v] ( su* em95ce z ,sir ,william ,dawson has %[n himself to be1 _c b be ( great value4 ,su* are 8 k & grasp ( ! subject1 8 p]fect fairness & imp>tiality1 & 8 close & c>eful reason+1 t x is n too mu* to say t he has summ$ ! pres5t ext5t ( our k ( ,bible l&s40--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,by ,,! ,,same ,,au?or4 ,i4 ,,! ,,/ory ,,( ,,! ,,e>? ,,& ,,man4 ,) ,tw5ty ,illu/rations4 ,n9? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,ii4 ,,fossil ,,m5 ,,& ,,_! ,,mod]n ,,repres5tatives4 ,an attempt to illu/rate ! ,*>act]s & ,condition ( ,pre-,hi/oric ,m5 9 ,europe by ^? ( ! ,am]ican ,races4 ,) ,=ty-f\r ,illu/rations4 ,?ird ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,iii4 ,,! ,,orig9 ,,( ,,! ,,_w1 accord+ to ,revelation & ,sci5ce4 ,fif? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we he>tily comm5d ! book to all ^? :o are int]e/$ 9 ?is mo/ important "q4 ,dr4 ,dawson is a man well kn[n 9 ! ranks ( sci5ce = great bread? & grasp ( k2 he has be5 a pione] 9 geological discov]y3 he is also a consid]able ,hebrew s*ol>1 well read 9 ! ,bible1 & especially ^? p>ts :i* treat ( nature4''' ,x is a valuable addition to ,bible criticism f a po9t ( view high] sci5tifically ?an we h yet _h40--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,dr4 ,r4 ,w4 ,,dale1 ,birm+ham4 ,,impressions ,,( ,,au/ralia4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,laws ,,( ,,*ri/ ,,= ,,common ,,life4 ,f\r? ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #fs4 8,s\nd s5se & :olesome ,*ri/ian tea*+ convey$ 9 pure1 idiomatic1 & =cible ,engli%40--,scotsman4 8,?is book excell5tly well be>s out its title4 ,! au?or gives wise & manly c\nsel40--,lit]>y ,*ur*man4 ,,! ,,epi/le ,,to ,,! ,,ephesians4 ,its ,doctr9es & ,e?ics4 ,f\r? ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,9 8 fir/ s]mon z ,vic> ( ,le$s1 ,dr4 ,talbot said3 8,i believe t ! ?\ght ( speak+ ( ,god's purpose 9 ,*ri/ 0 sugge/$ to me by read+ :il/ abroad j n[ ! impressive words ab\t x 9 ,dr4 ,dale's noble book ^u ! ,epi/le to ! ,ephesians4 ,x is only a s+le b sup]lative in/ance ( :at we owe to ,noncon=mi/ fai? & goodness40 ,,! ,,new ,,evangelicalism ,,& ,,! ,,old4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #as4 ,,! ,,jewi% ,,temple ,,& ,,! ,,*ri/ian ,,*ur*4 ,a ,s]ies ( ,disc\rses on ! ,epi/le to ! ,hebrews4 ,sev5? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #fs4 8,:olesom] s]mons ?an ^! x is almo/ impossible to conceive4 ,mr4 ,dale's prea*+ has always be5 rem>kable = moral en]gy & f]v\r1 b "h ?is *>act]i/ic rises to its highe/ p[]40--,expositor4 ,,week-,,day ,,s]mons4 ,fif? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,dr4 ,dale is c]ta9ly an admirable tea*] ( ,*ri/ian e?ics4 ,he is1 p]haps1 ! greate/ liv+ successor ( ! ,apo/le ,james4 ,9 ?is volume he appe>s at 8 be/40--,*ri/ian4 ,,! ,,t5 ,,comm&m5ts4 ,fif? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #es4 8,full ( ?\ght & vig\r40--,spectator4 8,! manly1 fe>less hone/y ( ,mr4 ,dale's ,expositions dem&s ! v highe/ eulogy40--,briti% ,qu>t]ly ,review4 ,,n9e ,,lectures ,,on ,,prea*+4 ,fif? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #fs4 8,admirable lectures1 briefly writt51 e>ne/ & practical1 ! "w ( an able man40--,lit]>y ,*ur*man4 ,,! ,,evangelical ,,revival & o!r ,s]mons4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,pr(essor ,,kurtz',s ,,*ur* ,,hi/ory4 ,au?oris$ ,translation f ! late/ revis$ edition1 by ! ,rev4 ,,john ,,macph]son1 ,m4,a4 ,9 ?ree volumes4 ,price #gs4 #f;d4 ea*4 8,! complete "w ( ,pr(essor ,kurtz is n[ translat$1 & x really %[s itself s improv$ 9 =m1 s mu* full] 9 sub/ance1 9 fact1 s mu* *ang$ 9 m9d1 body1 & /ate1 t x may claim to be a new hi/ory altoge!r4 ,no "o :o has tri$ to p]use ! orig9al compilation w d5y t ?is is an unspeakable advantage 9 a once unreadable manual2 &1 inde$1 a #8manual1' by its v "n1 signifies a "w t is meant to hold 9 ! h& & n to ent] ! head4 ,! au?or has c>ri$ on 8 hi/ory into ! mo/ rec5t days4 ,no?+ has escap$ 8 all-see+ eye & 8 all-record+ p5--nei!r ! ,!osophism ( ,madame ,blavatsky1 nor ! microscopic h]esies ( ,mr4 ,david ,macrae 9 ! ,unit$ ,presbyt]ian ,*ur*1 nei!r ! do+s ( ! ,b]l9 treaty nor ( ,dr4 ,rob]tson ,smi?4 ,! annals ( ! la/ fifty ye>s on ! ,cont95t are giv5 ) consid]able fulness1 & ecclesia/ical ev5ts 9 ,g]many are giv5 ) an especial am\nt ( detail40--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dr4 ,,fi%]',s ,,new ,,*ur* ,,hi/ory4 ,a ,,hi/ory ,,( ,,! ,,*ri/ian ,,*ur*4 ,by ,,george ,p4 ,,fi%]1 ,d4,d41 ,,ll4,d41 ,pr(essor ( ,ecclesia/ical ,hi/ory 9 ,yale ,univ]sity4 ,9 l>ge #hvo1 #gab pages1 price #abs4 ,) ,sev5 col\r$ ,maps4 8,?is v valuable & exhau/ive hi/ory40--,engli% ,*ur*man4 8,x is a book z rem>kable = fairness & bread? ( sympa?y z x is = le>n+ & p[]2 & if its popul>ity %\ld be z great z its value1 its success is assur$40--,noncon=mi/4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,! ,,catacombs ,,( ,,rome1 ,,& ,,_! ,,te/imony ,,relative ,,to ,,primitive ,,*ri/ianity4 ,by ,rev4 ,w4 ,h4 ,,)r[1 ,m4,a4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 #efj pages1 #acd ,illu/rations4 8,an exce$+ly pa9/ak+ & ?or\gh-go+ "w1 & :e!r or n ! writ] may be correct 9 all 8 inf]5ces1 !y h evid5tly be5 f\nd$ ^u dilig5t in=mation4 ,he c\ld n h v mu* t 0 absolutely new to tell on ! subject2 b z a conv5i5t acc\nt ( ! mo/ rem>kable & int]e/+ monum5ts ( primitive ,*ri/ianity1 ( ^? excavations :i* furni%$ ! p]secut$ ,*ur* ) refuges dur+ life & 9 dea?1 :i* =m$ h] places ( wor%ip 9 times ( p]il1 & receiv$ ! rema9s ( m>tyrs1 ! pres5t volume is p]haps inf]ior to none ( its pr$ecessors40--,saturday ,review4 ,,! ,,philan?ropy ,,( ,,god4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,social ,,*ri/ianity4 ,s]mons deliv]$ 9 ,/4 ,james's ,hall1 ,london4 ,by ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,?ird ,edition4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,press ,,notices4 8,if all s]mons 7 z fre% & unconv5tional1 z simple1 practical1 & unaffect$ z ^? :i* he 7,rev4 ,hugh ,price ,hughes7 has put toge!r "u ! appropriate title ( #8,social ,*ri/ianity1' !re w\ld p]haps be less grumbl+ f ! pew ?an is at pres5t ! case40--,scotsman4 8,wise1 /rong1 :olesome1 & ?\ghtful40--,briti% ,weekly4 8,x is n difficult1 aft] read+ ^! f]vid1 brave1 & g5ial addresses1 to und]/& ! secret ( su* a prea*]'s spell4 ,mr4 ,price ,hughes does n m9ce matt]s 9 deal+ ) ! lawlessness1 ! ,mammon-,wor%ip1 & ! social disord]s ( ! times2 & ! tones 9 :i* he speaks are f>-rea*+ & p]suasive1 because !y are bro!rly & full ( fai? & hope40--,le$s ,m]cury4 8,^! vigor\s s]mons are an attempt to %[ t :at mu/ be call$ ! social failure ( ,*ri/ianity is n ! fault ( ,*ri/ianity or ( ,*ri/1 b r ! result ( ,*ri/ians hav+ be5 selfi%ly individuali/ic4 ,! great evils ( our day1 & especially ^? ( our own c\ntry1 are br\ght to view ) mu* directness1 & ! duties & responsibilities ( disciples ( ,*ri/ are en=c$ ) pla9ness & p[]4 ,:e!r ! subject be social di/ress1 ! adm9i/ration ( ju/ice1 ,*ri/'s au?ority1 or ! problem ( unbelief1 we f9d ^! pages uni=mly practical & 9 a high degree in/ructive40--,*ri/ian4 8,^! s]mons are full ( good1 manly1 vigor\s tea*+ ( a /\t1 practical k9d40--,/>4 8,:ile ! ord9>y volume ( s]mons s5ds p to sleep1 ?is w assur$ly keep !m awake2 & x w1 moreov]1 keep !m awake by p]fectly legitimate exp$i5ts40--,man*e/] ,exam9]4 ,,! ,,a!i/ ,,%oemak]3 ,a ,/ory ( ! ,we/ ,end ,mission4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #as4 #f;d4 ,,john ,g4 ,,paton3 ,an ,autobiography4 ,second ,"p4 ,edit$ by 8 ,bro!r1 ! ,rev4 ,,james ,,paton1 ,b4,a4 ,six? ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 ,,john ,g4 ,,paton1 ,mission>y to ! ,new ,hebrides4 ,an ,autobiography4 ,edit$ by ,,8 ,,bro!r4 ,) ,portrait4 ,fif? ,edition1 complet+ ,elev5? ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 ,! ,rev4 ,dr4 ,,pi]son1 au?or ( 8,! ,crisis ( ,missions10 says3 8,i consid] x unsurpass$ 9 mission>y biography4 ,9 ! :ole c\rse ( my ext5sive read+ on ^! topics1 a m /imulat+1 inspir+1 & e way fir/-class book has n fall5 into my h&s4 ,ev]ybody ought to read x40 ,,op9ions ,,( ,,! ,,press4 8,a m fasc9at+ & ?rill+ bit ( ,mission>y hi/ory has seldom be5 giv5 to ! public40--,*ri/ian4 8,int5sely int]e/+2 inde$1 (t5 q fasc9at+40--,*ri/ian ,lead]4 8,let ! p :o tell u t ! romance ( missions is pass$1 read ?is manly & ?rill+ n>rative4''' ,no fiction c ex]cise a /rong] spell ?an ! /ory ( ?is brave ,cam]onian mission>y's life40--,bapti/ ,magaz9e4 8,! /ory ( ,mr4 ,paton's ye>s ( resid5ce among ! ,tannese1 amid _m p]ils & great disc\ragem5ts1 is q z fasc9at+ 9 "s p>ts z _m a romance4 ,! au?or1 inde$1 seems to h pass$ ?r\gh dang]s & difficulties :i* x w\ld be h>d to believe 7 ! v]acity ( ! writ] n beyond "q4''' ,an autobiography record+ ! life & "w ( a mission>y 9 "s respects n unlike 8 great prototype--,david ,liv+/one40--,scotsman4 8,he has a /ory to tell t is well wor? he>+1 & t at n a few /ages w comp>e h&somely ) mo/ books ( adv5ture40--,scotti% ,lead]4 8,we recomm5d x to all our mission>y societies z a mo/ conv9c+ te/imony to ! value ( ,gospel "w among ! hea!n40--,me?odi/ ,times4 8,simplicity & godly s9c]ity are /amp$ on e page40--,le$s ,m]cury4 8,?is is a book f> beyond our praise4 ,x w take its place ) ! classics ( missions--) ! ,lives ( ,bra9]d & ,m>tyn1 & ! o!r records :i* w endure z long z ,*ri/ is prea*$4 ,great z has be5 ! mission>y "w accompli%$ by ! au?or1 we believe x w be f\nd 9 ! end t 8 greate/ "w has be5 ! writ+ ( ?is volume4 ,x is a book :i* _c be read )\t indescribable emotion4''' ,x mu/ surely1 n[ & 9 days to come1 k9dle 9 _m s\ls some?+ ( ! writ]'s own l(ty & f]v5t love4 ,m ?an any argum5t x w sil5ce ! fai?less clam\r aga9/ missions2 & no "o1 ,*ri/ian or sceptic1 w p]use x )\t feel+ t !re is among/ u /ill at lea/ "o truly ,apo/olic man40--,briti% ,weekly4 ,,*>les ,,/an=d1 ,d4,d43 ,memories & ,lett]s4 ,edit$ by ,,8 ,,wife4 ,) ,et*$ ,portrait by ,,manesse4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,! ,,prea*]',s ,,comm5t>y ,,on ,,! ,,gospel ,,( ,,/4 ,,john4 ,a ,s]ies ( ,"o ,hundr$ & ,?irty ,homiletic ,sket*es4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,george ,,cal?rop1 ,m4,a41 ,vic> ( ,/4 ,augu/9e1 ,highbury4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,8 g5]al me?od ( describ+ & draw+ lessons f ! ev5ts ( our ,"l's life is vivid & int]e/+40--,gu>dian4 8,a v suitable h&book = sugge/ions 9 a c\rse ( s]mons or lectures on ! f\r? ,gospel40--,ecclesia/ical ,gazette4 ,,! ,,briti% ,,weekly ,,pulpit4 ,vol4 ,i4 #fbd pages1 #hvo1 h&somely b\nd 9 clo?1 r$ edges1 price #fs4 ,conta9s only fir/-rate matt]1 hav+ reg>d n to quantity1 b quality1 & includes ,s]mons1 etc41 f ! ,prov9ces1 ,wales & ,scotl&1 z well z f ,irel&2 & num]\s articles ( v>i$ int]e/ & importance1 & s]mons by ! foll[+ & _m o!r prea*]s3-- ,revs4 ,j4 ,b4 ,meh>ry1 ,c4 ,h4 ,spurgeon1 ,g4 ,ma!son1 ,d4,d41 ,pr9cipal ,fairbairn1 ,d4,d41 ,a4 ,m>t91 ,m4,a41 ,pr(essor ,godet1 ,d4,d41 ,dr4 ,oswald ,dykes1 ,a4 ,mursell1 ,pr(4 ,r4 ,fl9t1 ,d4,d41 ,dr4 ,dall+]1 ,t4 ,*ampness1 ,a4 ,:yte1 ,d4,d41 ,pr(4 ,knight1 ,,ll4,d41 ,joseph ,p>k]1 ,d4,d41 ,a4 ,macl>51 ,d4,d41 ,pr9cipal ,t4 ,c4 ,edw>ds1 ,d4,d41 ,jno4 ,puls=d1 ,d4,d41 ,bi%op ,alex&]1 ,d4,d41 ,john ,mc,neill1 ,adolph ,saphir1 ,d4,d41 ,w4 ,c4 ,smi?1 ,d4,d41 ,john ,watson1 ,m4,a41 ,dr4 ,mac,gregor1 ,pr(4 ,elmslie1 ,d4,d41 ,j4 ,culross1 ,d4,d41 ,w4 ,b4 ,rob]tson1 ,d4,d41 ,r4 ,w4 ,dale1 ,,ll4,d41 ,c4 ,a4 ,b]ry4 ,,! ,,indu/ries ,,( ,,japan4 ,toge!r ) an acc\nt ( its ,agriculture1 ,=e/ry1 ,m9+1 ,arts1 & ,comm]ce4 ,by ,pr(4 ,j4 ,j4 ,,re91 ,univ]sity ( ,bonn4 ,illu/rat$ by ,woodcuts1 ,li?ographs1 & ,native ,fabrics4 ,9 "o ,h&some ,volume4 ,royal #hvo1 price #cjs4 ,) ,=ty-f\r ,illu/rations & ,?ree ,maps4 8,pr(essor ,re9 is equally exhau/ive :atev] subject or bran* ( a subject may be "u review1 & 8 book is a p]fect m9e ( in=mation ( a mo/ valuable & int]e/+ k9d40--,scotsman4 ,,japan4 ,travels & ,rese>*es und]tak5 at ! co/ ( ! ,prussian ,gov]nm5t4 ,) ,tw5ty ,illu/rations & ,two ,maps4 ,by ! ,,same ,,au?or4 ,second ,edition4 ,uni=m 9 ,size & ,type4 ,price #bes4 8,no exi/+ "w on ,japan c pret5d to vie ) ! pres5t "o 9 ! fulness & accuracy ) :i* ! physiography1 natural hi/ory1 & topography ( ! c\ntry--subjects :i* ,dr4 ,re9 has made specially 8 own--are treat$2 & = a long "t to come x mu/ rank z ! /&>d au?ority 9 su* matt]s40--,spectator4 8,x is ! mo/ important & exhau/ive "w t has yet appe>$ on ! physiography ( t int]e/+ l&4 ,! "w ( translation is excell5tly done "u ! sup]vision ( ! au?or40--,we/m9/] ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,! ,,rev4 ,,pr(4 ,a4 ,b4 ,,bruce1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,! ,,miracul\s ,,elem5t ,,9 ,,! ,,gospels4 ,9 #hvo1 clo?1 price #abs4 8,x displays m9ute acqua9tance ) ! mod]n lit]ature ( ! subject1 & all =ms ( attack to :i* ,*ri/ian belief 9 ! sup]natural has be5 subject$4 ,! def5ce is able all r\nd2 & ! clos+ *apt]s--9 :i* ! miracle impli$ 9 ! "* ( ,jesus is dwelt on1 & :]e ! def5ce is = a mom5t *ang$ into attack--are full ( _s & fire40--,me?odi/ ,record]4 ,,ii4 ,,! ,,*ief ,,end ,,( ,,revelation4 ,?ird ,?\s&4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 8,dr4 ,bruce has giv5 u a contribution ( v great value4 ,l ev]y?+ else t has come f 8 p51 ?is s]ies ( lectures has ! conspicu\s excell5ce ( boldness1 vig\r1 bread?1 & moral elevation40--,pr(essor ,salmond4 ,,iii4 ,,! ,,p>abolic ,,tea*+ ,,( ,,*ri/3 ,a ,sy/ematic & ,critical ,/udy ( ! ,p>ables ( our ,"l4 ,second ,edition4 #hvo1 clo?1 price #abs4 8,pr(essor ,bruce br+s to 8 task ! le>n+ & ! lib]al & f9ely sympa!tic _s :i* are ! be/ gifts ( an expositor ( ,scripture4 ,8 treatm5t ( 8 subject is vigor\s & orig9al40--,spectator4 ,,iv4 ,,! ,,life ,,( ,,william ,,d5ny1 ,%ipbuild]1 ,dumb>ton4 ,) ,portrait4 ,second ,edition4 #hvo1 clo?1 price #abs4 8,a mo/ int]e/+ biography40--,academy4 8,dr4 ,bruce c\ld n h f\nd a wor?i] subject = 8 fir/ essay 9 biography1 & ,william ,d5ny c\ld n h _h a m cong5ial biograph]40--,briti% ,weekly4 8,pr(essor ,bruce has %[n rem>kable skill ''' ?is admirable #8,life4'0--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,*ri/ian ,,conduct4 ,s]mons deliv]$ 9 ! ,*apel ( ,mill ,hill ,s*ool by ! ,headma/]1 ,c4 ,a4 ,,v9ce1 ,m4,a4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,preci\s ,,se$ ,,s[n ,,9 ,,_m ,,l&s4 ,s]mons by ! ,rev4 ,a4 ,n4 ,,som]ville1 ,d4,d4 ,) a ,biographical ,sket* & ,portrait4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,irel& ,,& ,,! ,,celtic ,,*ur*4 ,a ,hi/ory ( ,irel& f ,/4 ,patrick to ! ,engli% ,conque/ 9 #aagb4 ,by ,rev4 ,g4 ,t4 ,,/okes1 ,m4,a41 ,pr(essor ( ,ecclesia/ical ,hi/ory 9 ! ,univ]sity ( ,dubl91 & ,rector ( ,all ,sa9ts1 ,blackrock4 ,second ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #is4 8,any "o :o c make ! dry bones ( anci5t ,iri% hi/ory live aga9 may feel sure ( f9d+ an audi5ce1 sympa!tic1 intellig5t1 & ev]-gr[+4 ,dr4 ,/okes has ?is faculty 9 a high degree4 ,?is book w be a boon to t l>ge & gr[+ numb] ( p]sons :o desire to h a tru/wor?y acc\nt ( ! beg9n+ ( ,iri% hi/ory1 & _c /udy x = !mselves 9 ! great b (t5 dull works ( ! orig9al inve/igators4 ,x collects ! scatt]$ & (t5 app>5tly insignificant results ( orig9al work]s 9 ?is field1 int]prets !m = u1 & br+s !m into relation ) ! broad] & bett] kn[n facts ( ,european hi/ory40--,we/m9/] ,review4 ,,=e%ad[+s ,,( ,,*ri/ianity4 ,by ,,joseph9e ,,peckov]4 ,) ,preface by ,,anne ,w4 ,,ri*>dson1 ,b4,a4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,rays ,,( ,,messiah',s ,,glory2 or1 ,*ri/ 9 ! ,old ,te/am5t4 ,by ,,david ,,b>on4 ,second ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,human ,,de/9y4 ,by ,,rob]t ,,&]son1 ,,ll4,d41 ,b>ri/]-at-,law1 ,assi/ant ,commission] ( ,police ( ! ,metropolis4 ,second & ,*eap] ,edition4 ,price #cs4 #f;d4 8,x is seldom t we take up a book ( :i* we wi% t x _h be5 long]1 b ,dr4 ,&]son's is su* a book4 ,x summ>ises ! conflict ?r\gh :i* ! writ] pass$ 9 /udy+ ! "q ( ! de/9y ( ! lo/4 ,x is refre%+ to read a "w :i* goes fairly to ! v root ( ea* !ory 9 turn1 & s /ates ! issues involv$ 9 x t ! read] c easily =m 8 own conclusions4 ,8 book conta9s mu* t is valuable1 & is loyal ?r\gh\t to ! tea*+s ( ,scripture40--,record4 ,,! ,,com+ ,,pr9ce3 ,! ,la/ ,great ,mon>* ( ,*ri/5dom4 ,by ! ,,same ,,au?or4 ,?ird ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #es4 8,! cle>e/ exposition ( ! ,sev5ty ,weeks ( ,daniel t we h ev] read40--,gospel ,wat*man4 8,deeply int]e/+ f ! fir/ page to ! la/40--,home ,words4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,rev4 ,,m>cus ,,dods1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,mohamm$1 ,,buddha1 ,,& ,,*ri/4 ,fif? ,?\s&4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,8 mat]ials h be5 c>efully collect$ f ! be/ s\rces1 h be5 ?or\ghly dige/$ 9 8 own m9d1 & are "h giv5 =? to 8 read]s 9 well-arrang$1 cle>1 & precise language40--,scotsman4 8,its g5]al tru? few reflect+ ,*ri/ians w d\bt1 & its elevat+ t5d5cy nobody1 ,*ri/ian or unbeliev]1 w d5y4 ,to u ?is book is specially welcome1 z an evid5ce1 9 addition to _m o!rs1 ( a new outbur/ ( e>ne/ religi\s ?\ght & s5tim5t40--,spectator4 ,,ii4 ,,israel',s ,,iron ,,age3 ,sket*es f ! ,p]iod ( ! ,judges4 ,f\r? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 8,p[]ful lectures4 ,?is is a noble volume1 full ( /r5g?4 ,"y m5 especially w f9d 9 x a ri* /oreh\se ( prevail+ inc5tive to a godly life4 ,dr4 ,dods se>*es ) a ma/]ly h&40--,noncon=mi/4 ,,iii4 ,,! ,,pray] ,,t ,,tea*es ,,to ,,pray4 ,six? ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #bs4 #f;d4 8,a w>m welcome w be giv5 by _m to ?is little book4 ,x is a book to be read 9 ! closet1 & f ! p]usal ( :i* no "o c rise )\t a quick5$ spiritual life4 ,unque/ionably x w add to ! au?or's reputation40--,lit]>y ,_w4 8,x is highly in/ructive1 s+ul>ly lucid1 & unmi/akably = quiet p]sonal use40--,cl]gyman's ,magaz9e4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,rev4 ,,dr4 ,w4 ,m4 ,,taylor1 ,new ,york4 ,,! ,,p>ables ,,( ,,our ,,savi\r ,,exp\nd$ ,,& ,,illu/rat$4 ,9 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we h _m books on ! p>ables ( our ,"l1 b few :i* s ?or\ghly z ?is cond5se )9 _! cov]s ! be/ tea*+ conta9$ 9 ! v>i\s comm5t>ies writt5 to elucidate _! mean+4 ,dr4 ,taylor is n1 h[ev]1 a slavi% imitator ( any ma/] 9 ,israel2 he has ?\ght out 8 subject = himself1 & gives u a real exposition 9 eloqu5t language1 su* z w be valu$ by ,bible /ud5ts40--,engli% ,*ur*man4 ,,! ,,limitations ,,( ,,life1 ,,& ,,o!r ,,s]mons4 ,second ,edition4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,dr4 ,taylor's s]mons are full ( spiritual e>ne/ness & p[]40--,london ,qu>t]ly ,review4 ,,contr>y ,,w9ds1 ,,& ,,o!r ,,s]mons4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,john ,,knox4 ,price #as4 8,a %ort biography1 :i* has two great m]its--x pres5ts 9 %ort compass1 & yet 9 _! true proportions1 all ! important ev5ts ( ! ,re=m]'s life2 & ! w>m appreciation ( ,knox's "* & a*ievem5ts by :i* x is p]vad$ is nev] all[$ to desc5d to ! level ( m]e undiscrim9at+ eulogy40--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,v5i ,,creator3 ,?\ghts on ! ,holy ,_s ( ,promise4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,m\le1 ,m4,a41 ,pr9cipal ( ,ridley ,hall1 ,cambridge1 ,au?or ( 8,outl9es ( ,*ri/ian ,doctr9e10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,! ,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,psalms4 ,by ! ,"r ,rev4 ,w4 ,,pak5ham ,,wal%1 ,d4,d41 ,"l ,bi%op ( ,ossory1 ,au?or ( 8,! ,moabite ,/one10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,cont5ts--,,introductory--,,voices ,,( ,,praise--,,voices ,,( ,,pray]--,,voices ,,( ,,in/ruction--,,voices ,,( ,,creation--,,voices ,,( ,,hi/ory--,,voices ,,( ,,immortality--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,sanctu>y--,,voices ,,( ,,music--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,%eph]d1 ,,! ,,w>rior1 ,,& ,,! ,,outlaw--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,mon>*1 ,,! ,,p5it5t1 ,,& ,,! ,,pilgrim--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,messiah1 ,,! ,,k+1 ,,! ,,prophet ,,& ,,prie/--,,voices ,,( ,,r$emption--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,*ur*--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,mission ,,field--,,voices ,,( ,,! ,,spiritual ,,life--,,voices ,,( ,,b5$iction4 ,,jo9ts ,,9 ,,our ,,social ,,arm\r4 ,by ,,james ,,runciman1 ,au?or ( 8,a ,dream ( ! ,nor? ,sea10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,cont5ts--,,! ,,e?ics ,,( ,,! ,,dr9k ,,"q--,,voyag+ ,,at ,,sea--,,w>--,,dr9k--,,conc]n+ ,,p ,,:o ,,"k ,,!y ,,are ,,go+ ,,wrong--,,! ,,social ,,influ5ce ,,( ,,! 8,,b>0--,,fri5d%ip--,,disa/]s ,,at ,,sea--,a ,,rhapsody ,,( ,,summ]--,,lo/ ,,days--,,midsumm] ,,days ,,& ,,nights--,,d&ies--,,g5ius ,,& ,,respectability--,,slang--,,pets--,,! ,,e?ics ,,( ,,! ,,turf1 ,,etc4--,,discipl9e--,,bad ,,company--,,good ,,company--,,go+ ,a-,,walk+--8,,sport0--,,degrad$ ,,m5--,a ,,ref9em5t ,,( 8,,sport+0 ,,cruelty4 ,,memorials ,,( ,,edw9 ,,hat*1 ,d4,d41 sometime ,read] 9 ,ecclesia/ical ,hi/ory 9 ! ,univ]sity ( ,ox=d1 & ,rector ( ,purleigh4 ,edit$ by ,,8 ,,bro!r4 ,) ,portrait4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,,t[>ds ,,fields ,,( ,,light3 ,sacr$ ,poems4 ,by ! late ,rev4 ,,edw9 ,,hat*1 ,d4,d4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 gilt edges1 #bs4 #f;d4 8,! high level ( m]it su/a9$ ?r\gh\t w insure a deep int]e/ among lov]s ( devotional v]se4 ,^! poems ma9ta9 ! traditions ( ! be/ ,engli% religi\s poetry40--,scotsman4 8,!y are exquisitely beautiful40--,*ur* ,review4 8,^! delicate & ?\ghtful poems brea! ! v _s ( _! au?or1 broad1 simple1 & s9c]e40--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 ,,! ,,mak]s ,,( ,,mod]n ,,engli%4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,w4 ,j4 ,,dawson1 ,au?or ( 8,! ,?re%old ( ,manhood10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #es4 ,,cont5ts--,,introductory--,,! ,,int]val ,,be=e ,,! ,,dawn--,,rob]t ,,burns--,,"l ,,byron--,,p]cy ,,bys%e ,,%elley--,,john ,,keats--,,sir ,,walt] ,,scott--,,col]idge--,,rob]t ,,s\!y--,,william ,,wordswor?--,,wordswor?',s ,,life ,,& ,,poetry--,,"s ,,*>act]i/ics ,,( ,,8 ,,poetry1 ,,etc4--,,! ,,humanit>ian ,,movem5t ,,9 ,,poetry3 ,,?omas ,,hood ,,& ,,mrs4 ,,br[n+--,,"l ,,t5nyson3 ,,g5]al ,,*>act]i/ics--,,treatm5t ,,( ,,nature--,,love ,,& ,,woman1 ,,etc4--,,rob]t ,,br[n+--,,br[n+',s ,,philosophy ,,( ,,life--,,! ,,_s ,,( ,,br[n+',s ,,religion1 ,,etc4--,,mat!w ,,arnold--,d4 ,g4 ,,rossetti--,a4 ,c4 ,,sw9burne--,,william ,,morris4 ,,pr(essor ,w4 ,g4 ,,elmslie1 ,d4,d43 ,memoir & ,rema9s4 ,edit$ by ,w4 ,,rob]tson ,,nicoll1 ,m4,a41 ,,ll4,d41 ,editor ( ,! ,expositor4 ,) ,portrait1 cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #fs4 ,,rescu]s ,,& ,,rescu$3 ,exp]i5ces among our ,city ,poor4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,,james ,,wells1 ,m4,a41 ,glasg[1 ,au?or ( 8,*ri/ & ! ,h]oes ( ,*ri/5dom10 etc4 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,until ,,! ,,day ,,break1 & ,o!r ,hymns & ,poems4 ,by ! late ,rev4 ,,horatius ,,bon>1 ,d4,d4 ,cr[n #hvo1 price #es4 ,,cont5ts--,,g5]al ,,hymns--,,*ri/mas ,,& ,,new ,,ye>s' ,,hymns--,,hymns ,,( ,,israel--,,fragm5ts4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,valuable ,,text ,,book4 ,,outl9es ,,( ,,*ri/ian ,,doctr9e4 ,by ! ,rev4 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,m\le1 ,m4,a41 ,pr9cipal ( ,ridley ,hall1 ,cambridge4 ,?ird ,edition1 ) new ,indexes4 ,fcap4 #hvo4 ,price #bs4 #f;d4 ,! ,gu>dian says3 8,mr4 ,m\le has attempt$ a v difficult task1 & has at lea/ succe$$ 9 cond5s+ an imm5se mass ( in=mation into a small compass4 ,x is p]haps sup]flu\s to say t 8 "w is *>act]iz$ by great rev]5ce f ! fir/ page to ! la/4 ,at e po9t ! read] feels t he is read+ a /atem5t ( !ology :i* is ! life ( ! writ]4 ,9 ! m /rictly !ological "p ! summ>y is1 z a rule1 arrang$ & express$ excell5tly40 99 99 99 99 99 ,cr[n #hvo1 clo?1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,life ,,inside ,,! ,,*ur* ,,( ,,rome4 ,by ,m4 ,f4 ,,cl>e ,,cusack1 8,! ,nun ( ,k5m>e40 ,,notices ,,( ,,! ,,press4 8,miss ,cusack has a great deal to reveal1 & %e speaks ) no hesitat+ s\nd4 ,! book be=e u is some?+ m ?an a revelation to ! ,prote/ant _w2 x is also a controv]sial treatise1 9 popul> =m1 9 :i* ! doctr9al errors ( ! ,papacy are consid]$ f ! highe/ /&po9t--! writt5 ,^w ( ,god4 ,x is a book :i* %\ld f9d a place on e ,prote/ant family's book%elves40--,engli% ,*ur*man4 8,des]ves to receive ! e>ne/ consid]ation ( all :o h any c>e :atev] = ! welf>e ( _! c\ntry4 ,m ?an any?+ else its pages ought to op5 ! eyes ( ! rituali/s40--,city ,press4 8,we are n aw>e t !re has be5 publi%$ any "w :i* has expos$ ! inn] life & work+ ( ! ,roman ,*ur* z does ! pres5t volume4 ,x is surpris+ to see :at a ke5 insight ,miss ,cusack has into ! :ole ,romi% sy/em--political1 social1 & lit]>y40--,rock4 8,?is mo/ int]e/+1 important1 & ev5 s5sational book4''' ,we he>tily comm5d x1 & ?ank mo/ he>tily ! tal5t$ au?oress = h] fai?fulness 9 reveal+ ! hidd5 evils ( ,romanism40--,prote/ant ,obs]v]4 8,"s ( ! in/ances relat$ by ,miss ,cusack are he>tr5d+4 ,! ,romi% ,*ur* to-day1 z ev]1 is built on lies1 =g]ies1 %ameless misrepres5tations ( hi/ory & ! positions ( oppon5ts1 & suppressions ( ! tru?40--,*ri/ian ,_w4 8,if !re be any belat$ ,prote/ant 9 ! pres5t day :o ?9ks t ! ,papal ,apo/asy is a bran* ( ! true ,*ur* ( ,*ri/1 & t x is capable ( be+ us$ by ,god z an in/rum5t = ! elevation ( mank9d1 we w\ld advise him to read ! ,nun ( ,k5m>e's new book4 ,miss ,cusack1 l _m o!rs1 0 beguil$ = a season1 b pa9ful exp]i5ce op5$ h] eyes to ! true nature ( ?is clev]ly devis$1 b corrupt & tyrannical organisation4 ,x is cle> f h] recital t ! cont9u$ exi/5ce ( ,pop]y z a religi\s 7or r1 irreligi\s7 sy/em1 re/s on ! d5se ignorance ( its vot>ies4 ,ev5 a slight k ( reveal$ tru? w\ld be fatal to ! pret5sions ( ! ,papacy4 ,! au?or tells u t ! be/ educat$ ( ,roman ,ca?olics are entirely ignorant ( ! ,bible4 ,! great duty ( ! h\r is to enlight5 ^! unhappy p z to ! true nature ( ! sy/em t enslaves !m4 ,"u ! circum/ances1 t is no easy task1 b we are hopeful t x is be+ gradually accompli%$2 & ,miss ,cusack's book w\ld g f> to br+ x ab\t if ! mass ( ,romani/s c\ld h ! opportunity ( read+ x40--,*ri/ian4