,,nunnery ,,life ,,in ,,the ,,church ,,of ,,england ,illustration3 8,sister ,mary ,agnes4 ,o4,s4,b40 ,photogravure by ,annan ,swan4 ,,nunnery ,,life ,,in ,,the ,,church ,,of ,,england2 ,,or1 ,seventeen ,years with ,father ,ignatius4 ,,by ,,sister ,,mary ,,agnes1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,,edited1 ,,with ,,preface1 ,,by ,,the ,,rev4 ,w4 ,,lancelot ,,holland1 ,m4,a41 ,vicar ,of ,all ,saints'1 ,hatcham4 ,,fifth ,,thousand4 ,london3 ,,hodder ,,and ,,stoughton1 #bg1 ,,paternoster ,,row4 ,,mdcccxci4 ,,butler ,,tanner1 ,,the ,,selwood ,,printing ,,works1 ,,frome1 ,,and ,,london4 ,,contents4 ,,page ,,preface ix ,,introduction xxv ,,chapter ,i4 ,,my ,,reasons ,,for ,,becoming ,a ,,sister #a ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,convent ,,life ,,entered ,,upon #ag ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,poverty #bh ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,chastity #cd ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,obedience #db ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,the ,,dawn ,,of ,,spiritual ,,light #di ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,life ,,at ,,feltham ,,convent #eg ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,convent ,,life ,,at ,,slapton1 ,,in ,,devonshire #fd ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,convent ,,life ,,at ,,llanthony #gi ,,chapter ,x4 ,,daily ,,routine ,,at ,,llanthony #ajh ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,ill-,,treatment ,,of ,,children #aae ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,some ,,of ,,the ,,llanthony ,,rules1 ,,with ,,accompanying ,,penances #aba ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,of ,,what ,,religion ,,is ,,father ,,ignatius8 #abh ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,my ,,departure ,,from ,,llanthony #acf ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,at ,,llanthony ,,again #adf ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,apparitions ,,and ,,miracles #aeh ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,liberty #agf ,,appendix ,a #aic 0 ,b #aig 0 ,c #aii ,,preface4 ,in the summer of last year 7#ahhi71 ,i first heard of the authoress of this autobiography3 not accidentally1 as some might put it1 but rather by the good providence of ,jehovah1 who 8worketh all things after the counsel of ,his own will40 ,ex-sister ,mary ,agnes1 or ,miss ,j4 ,m4 ,povey1 had been attending one of ,mrs4 ,edith ,o',gorman ,auffray's 7better known as 8,the ,escaped ,nun07 lectures at the ,town ,hall1 ,kensington1 and after the lecture she obtained an interview with the lecturess1 during which she gave her a short account of her own experiences in convents nominally connected with the ,church of ,england4 ,the following day ,i happened to meet ,mrs4 ,auffray1 who passed on to me what ,miss ,povey had told her4 ,i at once made up my mind to request this lady1 if possible1 to publish her experiences1 and ,i wrote a letter to her offering any assistance in my power1 if she entertained the idea of making her experiences more widely known4 ,i should have mentioned that ,mrs4 ,auffray had recommended ,miss ,povey to communicate with me1 and had urged upon her the importance of bearing witness to the merciful deliverance ,god had vouchsafed to her4 ,i feel bound1 therefore1 to express to ,mrs4 ,auffray my thanks for the good advice she gave ,miss ,povey2 and let me say here that though perhaps no woman has been more vilified1 and persecuted1 by the ,roman ,catholics1 and ,i fear too by many ,ritualists and weak1 half-hearted ,protestants1 than has ,mrs4 ,auffray1 yet no woman has been more blessed by ,god in exposing the errors of ,romanism4 ,to my mind1 it is as easy to prove the perfect veracity of ,mrs4 ,auffray's story1 told with such power1 as it is to prove that once ,queen ,elizabeth reigned in ,england1 or that the ,duke of ,wellington led his soldiers to victory when the battle of ,waterloo was fought4 ,i had not long to wait before receiving from ,miss ,povey a small portion of her manuscript2 and1 being struck with the unaffected style1 and genuine appearance of the story thus commenced1 ,i consented at her request to correct and revise1 or1 in one word1 to edit1 the whole of the material she might feel disposed to place in my hands4 ,i need hardly say1 considering the many other engagements devolving upon the vicar of a parish of #bj1jjj people1 that ,i have been obliged to make a somewhat slow progress with the work1 short though it may appear1 and when ,i had come to the close of it1 ,i could not but feel that the book was worthy of an editor who could have devoted more time1 attention and talent to it1 than it was within my reach to do4 ,i would acknowledge here1 with a feeling of deep gratitude1 the assistance given me towards the close of my editorial duties1 in connection with the book1 by a gentleman whose name ,i am not at liberty to divulge4 ,this gentleman introduced the manuscript to the publishers1 and he has most kindly cast his eye carefully over the whole work1 correcting or rescinding where he thought it advisable4 ,perhaps there are few men in ,england who know more than he does on the subject of ,english sisterhoods4 ,he has lectured with ability on the subject1 and is likely to become ere long a well-known writer4 ,since ,i made him acquainted with the work ,i was editing1 and had had some conversation with him upon these matters1 ,i only wished he had taken my place as editor4 ,i think that those who read through this book will readily acknowledge that ,miss ,povey has done her work well1 and ,i feel sure she will receive the hearty congratulations of a great number of persons4 ,she has been obliged to write under some considerable disadvantages1 arising from the nature of her employment1 which does not allow a very wide margin of time for writing2 consequently1 as she reminded me1 she has had no time to look over and correct what force of circumstances compelled her to write somewhat hurriedly4 8,i shall be much obliged10 she has written to me1 8for any improvement you think fit to make1 in correcting1 revising1 rescinding1 in all the manuscript40 ,any excellence that may be found in the book must be wholly due to the authoress2 none could have written in the forcible and graphic way she has done1 who had not herself passed through so strange and painful an experience4 ,i have only had one interview with ,miss ,povey1 and that when the book was well nigh finished4 ,but before then ,i took great pains to find out the thorough trustworthiness of her antecedents and statements4 ,god forbid that ,i should ever venture to send before the public a work of such deep import1 were ,i not perfectly convinced that ex-sister ,mary ,agnes was in a position to write1 and actually was writing1 the truth1 the whole truth1 and nothing but the truth4 ,i have by me a letter written by the ,mother ,abbess of the ,feltham convent1 to the lady in whose employment ,miss ,povey is now living1 giving her1 as will be acknowledged by all1 a very high character for truthfulness and uprightness4 ,,the ,,convent1 ,,feltham1 ,sept4 #adth1 #ahhg4 ,,dear ,,madam1-- ,miss ,j4 ,m4 ,povey lived in my house for ten years1 and ,i knew of her before and since4 ,she bears1 and has always borne1 the highest moral character2 all her relations are highly respectable people4 ,she is thoroughly conscientious and trustworthy1 clever and observant1 and speaks well4 ,she is a good needlewoman1 and ,i should think quite capable of undertaking what you require of her1 and is one who would do her work quite as well in your absence as if you were at home superintending her4 ,she is quite above the ordinary station of domestic servants4 ,there is no mystery in her life4 ,i am1 dear ,madam1 yours truly1 ,,mary ,,hilda4 ,miss ,povey has also received the two following letters from the same lady3-- ,,the ,,convent1 ,,feltham1 ,feb4 #aeth1 #ahhf4 ,,poor ,,dear ,,child1-- ,i am not in the least surprised at your leaving1 and ,i pity you much for several reasons4 ,,mary ,,hilda4 ,,the ,,convent1 ,,feltham1 ,feb4 #bjth1 #ahhf4 ,,dearest ,,child1-- ,however good ,f4 ,ignatius may be 7and he has much goodness71 ,i never thought he had much tact2 but that he could be so utterly devoid of it as to tell ,m4 ,wereburgh that you knew about her history after leaving here first time1 ,i could not have imagined4 ,of course1 knowing her as ,i did1 ,i can but feel sure that she was anxious for you to leave1 lest you should hint it to others4 ,i am1 as ,i have said1 very sorry for you1 and hope you will not stay in the world4 ,your always sincere friend1 and affectionate ,sp4 ,mother1 ,,mary ,,hilda1 ,m4 ,sup4 ,i have ample testimony to the truth of her statement1 8,seventeen ,years with ,father ,ignatius10 since ,i am able to give the following extract from a letter written by 8,ignatius0 himself to ,sister ,mary ,agnes1 soon after she had left the convent3-- ,,jesus ,,only4 ,,pax4 ,,llanthony ,,abbey1 ,dec4 #cjth1 #ahhd4 ,,my ,,dearest ,,child1-- ''' ,you have profited nothing from all my teaching and patience of nearly seventeen years3 you cannot imagine the grief you have given me4 ,i have no time for more4 ,i shall always pray for you1 and love you1 and you must think of me as always ,your affectionate1 but disappointed ,father1 ,,ignatius1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,most of the readers of this book will probably know the meaning of the letters 8,o4,s4,b40 ,they mean the 8,order of ,st4 ,benedict40 ,now1 although ,sister ,mary ,agnes never became what is called in conventual phraseology a 8professed0 nun in that ,order1 that is to say1 she never 8took the black veil10 yet for all these years she was a novice nun1 and was always looked upon and called a nun4 ,in a letter ,father ,ignatius wrote to her in the year #ahgi1 whilst she was in the convent1 this sentence occurs3 8,you are really a little nun02 and again3 8,if ,i find you really grown in a nun-like spirit1 ,i really hope we may fix 7,d4,v47 your profession1 say1 this year40 ,i might very easily add more to prove that this simple story of seventeen years of convent life is not a fabricated one1 but the evidence ,i have produced1 out of a mass which ,i have at my disposal1 will surely be enough4 ,miss ,povey has decided to make known her life as a nun1 in order that others may take warning1 and profit by her experiences4 ,no young lady who may become acquainted with this book can ever say1 should she be deluded into taking the veil1 that she took that terrible leap1 as ,i fear many do take it1 in the dark4 ,convents1 or sisterhoods1 in connection with the ,church of ,england1 are by no means few and far between1 and it is to be hoped that this book will bring conviction to many of the transparent fact1 that the teaching and practices within their walls are not so widely different from the same within the walls of ,roman ,catholic convents4 ,i hope that ,miss ,povey's work may do good in making known the danger of being misled by the apparently pure evangelical teaching which ,father ,ignatius is said to give4 ,now1 it seems to me1 that here in this book we have the means of subjecting this specious-looking metal to a severe test4 ,his so-called ,gospel sermons and orations contain some good metal with which the counterfeit coin is covered and made to pass as genuine4 ,it is an incumbent duty to let her revelations be known far and wide1 so that souls be not led astray4 ,is there not a cause8 ,consider it1 ,i beg of you1 who may read this book4 ,remember that with scarcely an exception 7,i don't think the infallibility of the ,pope is acknowledged in these convents7 every ,roman ,catholic tenet is unblushingly held and taught in the three convents which this book refers to4 ,roman ,catholic literature of the most advanced type is constantly used in them4 ,another advantage that ,i hope and feel sure will arise from studying this little book1 will be found in the remarkably clear definition ,miss ,povey has been enabled to give of the three celebrated and essentially ,romish vows of poverty1 chastity1 and obedience4 ,these self-same vows are just now being spoken of a good deal1 and many are telling us that they are to be an essential element in the new brotherhoods which the ,bishop of ,rochester has so lately1 in the ,upper ,house of ,convocation and in his ,triennial ,charge1 advocated4 ,i cannot but hope that ,god has raised up1 at a most opportune moment1 a witness against the imposition of such vows1 whether on men or women4 ,i hope it may lead those who are favourable to the scheme to favour it no more4 ,is it not palpable to all that just as sisterhoods are made the secret repositories of extreme ,romish education1 practices1 and literature1 so likewise will brotherhoods be made to serve a similar purpose8 ,we are certainly living in 8perilous times10 and it is amazing to behold the spirit of indifference in quarters where we might least expect it1 not only with regard to the great strides ,ritualism is making1 so that ,protestant ,evangelicalism is well nigh eclipsed1 but this indifference is as great with regard to the advance of ,romanism and ,jesuitism1#a and 7saddest result of all7 to the building of so many hundreds of ,roman ,catholic convents and monasteries in the ,united ,kingdom4 ,there are in existence societies for the prevention of cruelty to children1 and for the prevention of cruelty to animals2 but although the cruelties and tortures1 called penances1 which are inflicted on many a poor helpless nun are greater than those inflicted on animals1 the man who raises up his voice against this worst form of inhumanity is counted unloving and bigoted4 ,believe me1 the unloving ones are those who lend any countenance whatever to1 or who do not make a righteous protest against1 the conventual and monastic system1 according to which disciplines1 hair-shirts1 scourgings1 and various other forms of cruelty and degradation are employed4 ,do we not see that1 if this system is allowed to advance in the ,church of ,england1 these very penances 7many of which do exist1 all of which may exist1 in the ,church of ,england convents71 which1 without any doubt1 exist in ,romish convents1 will be inflicted with equal severity in ,english ,church convents4 ,sister ,mary ,agnes does not speak of prison-like underground cells in ,father ,ignatius's convents1 and we believe1 therefore1 that anyhow at present they do not exist in them4 ,but she does speak of penances1 and she has felt them4 ,in bringing my ,preface to a close1 ,i will give a statement with regard to the ,church of ,england convent in ,woodstock ,road1 in the ,city of ,oxford1 founded by the late ,dr4 ,pusey4 ,this statement has been made by a clergyman of the ,established ,church1 who is perfectly prepared1 if need be1 to give his name4 ,in the summer of #ahff1 ,i was travelling from ,oxford to ,london1 and there happened to be in the same railway carriage one of the leading tradesmen in the city of ,oxford4 ,our conversation turned upon the advances which ,romanism was apparently making in the ,united ,kingdom1 and conspicuously by the influence of a certain section now well known as ,ritualists in our own ,church4 ,he asked me if ,i had noticed a building which was being erected in 8,the ,parks0 7,oxford71 and whether ,i was aware that owing to a clause in the lease of the ground1 and some complications arising therefrom1 the owners of the edifice had determined even1 if necessary1 to surrender the lease1 and transfer the materials to a freehold site in another part of the city8 ,i remarked that such a course looked suspicious1 made my own comments on it1 and1 when opportunity offered1 acted4 ,during a stay in ,oxford a few days subsequently1 ,i went one afternoon to see for myself1 and on coming to the building1 asked the clerk of the works1 or foreman1 if ,i might look round it4 ,having done so1 ,i found the fabric almost completed1 but was struck by an apparent loss of space owing to the height of the walls from the ground1 without any ostensible object4 ,i observed a small door1 directly underneath the main entrance1 and on examination found it padlocked1 but seeing that the staple was not clenched1 ,i removed it with the point of my umbrella1 and thus gained entrance to what proved to be a long corridor1 right and left of which cells were erected1 but not completed4 ,as rapidly as ,i could ,i took a general survey of the whole arrangements1 replaced the staple and padlock1 and before leaving expressed my best thanks to the foreman1 who was engaged with some workmen in a shed at the entrance to the premises1 erected quite apart from the building4 ,i then talked with him about the peculiar construction of the building1 and asked him why the walls were built so as to leave a great space between the foundations and first floor4 ,he stated that this was for the purpose of ventilation only4 ,i then remarked that it was unusual to see buildings so constructed1 and then ,i said1 8,was that all80 ,he volunteered the statement that there was nothing in this space underneath the fabric but the external walls4 ,happening to know differently1 ,i drew my own conclusions1 and left4--7,signed7 4 ,finally1 let us hope that ,god's people throughout ,england will make it a matter of daily intercession to the throne of ,grace that convents1 whether ,anglican or ,roman ,catholic1 may be utterly abolished4 ,i sincerely trust that this book will be read as a witness of what ,god's good providence and sovereign grace have done for the writer of this interesting narrative1 and therefore can do for others4 ,may the ,spirit of the living ,god that opened the eyes of ,sister ,mary ,agnes1 be poured out abundantly to open the eyes of many in this land1 who are sitting in darkness and the shadow of death4 ,and may they be led1 by the same ,spirit1 through the one only ,mediator between ,god and man1 even ,jesus ,christ1 to obtain fellowship with the ,father1 together with all other spiritual blessings in ,christ ,jesus1 8according as ,god hath chosen us in ,him before the foundation of the world40 ,and1 finally1 may ,he also enable them to 8stand fast in the liberty wherewith ,christ hath made them free40 ,w4 ,,lancelot ,,holland4 ,,all ,,saints' ,,vicarage1 ,,hatcham ,,park1 ,s4,e41 ,february1 #ahij4 ,,introduction4 ,in sending forth this book to the world1 ,i would have it clearly understood that it is not my desire to injure any one4 ,i only wish that the mistakes of my life may prove a warning to others and prevent them from taking the step ,i did4 ,i feel it to be a solemn duty1 which ,i owe to ,god1 to put before the public convent life in the ,church of ,england1 as ,i found it4 ,naturally ,i shrink from the task1 for the ,mother of the ,feltham convent has always acted1 as far as my experience goes1 conscientiously1 and it was in no way on her account that ,i felt bound to withdraw from convent life4 ,besides ,father ,ignatius himself once seemed to love me as his 8little daughter10 and was exceedingly kind to me4 ,let it be remembered that ,i was then but a child and a very simple and inexperienced one4 ,in one sense1 it is not against him personally that ,i am writing1 yet1 in another1 it is1 because he was head over all1 added to which1 he made a personal application to my mother to give me up to him for ,god's service1 and thus he was responsible for seeing that my life was made at least endurable2 instead of which1 he gave me up entirely into the hands of a certain ,mother ,superior1 who 7,i would speak the truth in love7 was a zealous and tyrannical woman4 ,believing it1 then1 to be my duty1 ,i now take up my pen1 and may ,god guide it1 so that1 in ,his hands1 it may be the means of saving young girls and women1 and young men and boys1 from inflicting on their relatives the bitter pain and sorrow which ,i caused my own dear mother and friends4 ,may many by this warning be saved from the bitter disappointment which was my lot1 when ,i found convent life so different in practice and reality from what in theory and fancy it seemed to be4 ,instead of it being the 8,gate of ,heaven10 as it is sometimes said to be1 my experience was that it is much nearer another gate4 ,i feel convinced too that1 if the truth could only be got at1 it would be discovered that my experience was not an exceptional one4 ,i have heard that it was ,st4 ,chrysostom who said1 8,a monk1 by the very nature of the life he leads1 is either an angel or a devil10 and ,i seldom1 if ever1 knew a monk or boy1 a girl or woman1 who1 sooner or later1 did not turn into something which was far removed from that which is angelic1 though at their entrance into that name of 8,pax10 they were1 to all appearances1 8perfect saints40 ,instead of being ennobled by the monastic and conventual life1 my experience has been 7and ,i have had an experience of some seventeen years1 and have come in contact with a goodly number of persons living under vows7 that the life is far from having an ennobling influence4 ,life of this kind generally causes those who lead it to become mean1 petty1 and selfish1 and no selfishness can equal a nun's1 particularly when nature inclines her to be so4#b ,nuns are either crushed slaves or tyrants1 and often so puffed up with pride that they look upon 8seculars0 as a race of beings far below themselves1 and who1 as the ,lady ,prioress ,wereburgh used to say to us1 8should think themselves highly honoured to have the privilege of a nun condescending to speak to them40 ,i would ask all who read this story to overlook the lack of style and order which may be apparent1 but ,i am now very much occupied in earning my bread1 and can only give a few night-hours occasionally to the task1 and ,i have never been accustomed to work of this kind4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,my ,,reasons ,,for ,,becoming ,a ,,sister4 ,from the earliest time that my memory goes back1 ,i loved ,jesus1 though ,i knew very little about ,him--only what my dear mother taught me1 and she was what is termed a 8shy ,christian40 ,but ,i often wished that people would talk more about ,him1 at least to me2 and as a little girl ,i used to look at people1 and wish they would speak to me of ,jesus1 though ,i was too timid to put my thoughts into words4 ,when ,i was about fourteen years of age1 in the year #ahfh1 there was a great stir about a new preacher who preached at several city churches1 including ,st ,edmund's1 ,lombard ,street1 and ,st4 ,ethelburga's1 ,bishopsgate4 ,his name was ,father ,ignatius2 he was a ,church of ,england clergyman1 and called himself a monk4 ,at that period ,i happened to be on a visit to my aunt1 and my sister wrote and told me that ,father ,ignatius preached monasticism1 that he had a monastery and would soon open a convent4 ,i remember how ,i thought everybody was turning to ,roman ,catholicism2 and ,i made up my mind not to go near this strange man4 ,so at first ,i would not go to hear him1 though somehow ,i was very anxious to see him4 ,at last my mother persuaded me to go1 and ,i heard him preach the love of ,jesus as ,i had never before heard it4 ,i recollect how my mother presented me to him1 and how he took my hand1 and said1 8,god bless you1 dear child60 ,though he said neither more nor less ,i was won1 and from that moment ,i felt compelled to dwell on all his doings1 and to drink in his words4 ,what extraordinary power1 or mesmerism1 is it that this man possesses1 enabling him to exert such an influence1 not only over a simple child1 but also over young and old1 man and woman1 noble and peasant8 ,how often have ,i asked myself this question1 yet in the course of twenty years ,i have not solved the mystery6 ,but does he retain the friendship of those he wins8 ,for a short time he does1 but as a rule they eventually turn away from him1 and sometimes even become his greatest enemies2 for he possesses a strange power not only of winning love1 but also of casting it away from him when won4 ,but ,i have somewhat departed from my story1 which ,i will now resume4 ,i remember being in church one evening1 and we sang the words3 ,the love of ,jesus1 what it is ,none but ,his loved ones know4 ,i thought to myself1 8,who are ,his loved ones80 ,day after day ,i went about wondering who they were4 ,i would look into every face ,i met1 but the love of ,jesus did not seem to me stamped there2 yet ,i was determined to find out1 for1 ,i said to myself1 8,i must be ,his loved one60 ,at last ,i saw a gentle1 pale-faced sister2 and she looked so good and pure 7my favourite text was1 8,blessed are the pure in heart07 that a sudden thought flashed into my mind that it was these sisters1 or nuns1 who were the 8loved ones10 and that therefore ,i must be a sister4 ,but ,i was not bold enough to tell any one my thoughts1 besides which ,i thought ,i was very much too young to be a nun4 ,i recollect that just at this time ,i went to some private meetings1#c held by certain sisters1 and one of them asked me1 on one of these occasions1 8,should you like to be a sister80 ,my heart jumped on hearing the question1 and ,i replied1 8,yes40 ,no more was said then2 but when ,i again went1 ,father ,ignatius asked me the same question1 and ,i made the same reply as before4 ,he then told me to ask my mother to allow me to be 8given to ,god0 as a nun4 ,of course my mother would not hear of it1 and only laughed at me1 and called me 8a goose to want to shut myself away from mother and everybody40 ,the idea1 however1 had so taken possession of me1 that ,i begged over and over again to be allowed to go2 but my mother would not give her consent4 ,every time ,father ,ignatius saw me he asked if ,i had obtained my mother's consent1 and ,i was obliged to say 8,no40 ,one day1 ,i remember1 he said to me1 8,well1 ask your mother to let you go for a month on a visit60 ,i dared not ask her for a month1 knowing she would not grant me so long a time1 so ,i asked her to let me go for a week1 and after considering my request for two days1 she told me ,i might go for a week4 ,i therefore went for that period4 ,i was fifteen years of age then2 and the convent was at ,feltham1 where ,i stayed for ten years4 ,but before the week had expired1 ,i asked for another week1 saying ,i was so happy in this new life4 ,to my request she made answer1 8,another week1 but not a day over40 ,during this week the ,father called upon my mother1 and persuaded her to 8give me to ,god40 ,very reluctantly she gave her consent1 as she told me1 8for one year1 to sicken you of it1 and you will soon be glad to come back home to your mother40 ,no one but ,god ever knew for years after how ,i longed to get back to my mother1 though ,i dared not allow it even to myself4 ,when my mother gave me up1 she had ,father ,ignatius's promise not to let me take life-vows until ,i was twenty-one or twenty-five years of age4 ,the first year passed away very happily4 ,i was young2 and being small in stature1 ,i was made a pet of1 until another young sister came4 ,then the ,mother changed1 and she who had so petted me suddenly took a dislike to me2 not that she was so very unkind4 ,but how ,i yearned to be loved6 ,no one seemed to love me1 and ,i loved her1 oh1 so much6 ,when ,i went up to her and said1 8,mother1 dear10 instead of opening her arms1 and folding me in them as she used to do1 she would turn away with a shudder4 ,why she did this1 ,i never knew4 ,i could not fail to feel surprise at it1 as she had often taught me that 8a spiritual father's1 and mother's1 and sister's love is far greater than that of any earthly parents40 ,i was sure my mother would never thus turn away from me4 ,oh1 how keenly ,i felt this coldness6 and when ,i went to bed1 ,i would cry and sob for hours1 knowing that no one in that house loved me1 and my heart seemed fit to break at such a loveless life4 ,my mother's smile1 her words1 and her every look and action1 would rise up before me4 ,i remembered my sister and dear little brother1 both of whom ,i so fondly loved1 and ,i would think1 8,oh6 if it was not wicked of me1 ,i wish ,i was home02 but ,i would then blame myself for thinking thus1 for ,i considered it showed unfaithfulness to ,god to allow such thoughts even for a moment1 and ,i was afraid lest ,god should take my 8holy vocation0 from me1 and ,i would also remember how ,god would have ,his spouse forsake all other love that she may love ,him1 and be ,his alone4 ,was there ever a more cruel and bitter mistake8 ,cruel is the teaching which requires a young girl to separate herself from the dear good mother1 whom ,god has given her1 in order that she may1 as is falsely said1 serve ,god without hindrance4 ,what folly and delusion is it that takes possession of us1 to think that we can get nearer to ,god1 be more pure1 more holy in this life1 and be brought to greater glory in the next life1 by shutting oneself up in a particular house and never going out except to the garden1 ,i cannot fathom6 ,listen to the text which brings us up to this unnatural life1 or1 as we were told1 this 8supernatural life40 8,a garden inclosed is ,my sister1 ,my spouse2 a spring shut up10 etc4 ,year after year this text bears us up1 coupled with the thought that such a life is only a short time in comparison with eternity1 when we shall reap the great reward of our life of self-sacrifice4 ,blinder than the very heathen was ,i6 ,sometimes ,i would stand and look around that small enclosure and think1 8,shall ,i never in this life go farther than this garden surrounded with trees80 ,often my brain seemed to turn at the very thought4 ,if only ,i could have seen a great space1 or a great sea1 it would be better2 but there were those trees in a flat country1 and nothing beyond 7a true type indeed74 ,but then ,i would come back to my text1 as above quoted1 and think that as ,god is pleased with me1 nothing else is of consequence4 ,so ,i went on year after year1 anything but happy1 yet not daring to let myself think of turning back4 ,often did ,i ,,long to speak of mother and of the dear ones at home1 but ,i could not without breaking the rule1 8never to speak of our earthly relations except to ,god in prayer40 ,if we broke this rule1 we had to confess it the same day1 and perform the prescribed penance of losing the hour's recreation1 do some menial work1 and keep silence during the only hour we had set apart for conversation4 ,at the end of my first year my mother wrote to ,father ,ignatius demanding me back4 ,she wrote to me at the same time1 telling me she was coming to fetch me2 but the ,father gave me no advice on the subject1 and ,i could have gone back as far as consent from my superiors went4 ,at that time they gave me my mother's letter1 which of course they had read 7all letters are read by the ,mother first72 but what about the teaching and instruction that had gone before8 ,what about the awful words ,i had heard that1 8should ,i ever even look back1 ,i should then be unmeet for the kingdom of ,god08 ,what about the example of ,lot's wife1 so often set before us8 ,she only looked back1 and how terrible the immediate result6 ,what would happen 7,i thought7 to one espoused to ,christ1 if she not only looked back1 but deliberately turned from the 8path that leads to life10 as we were instructed8 ,not even for one second did ,i dare to allow myself to think it4 ,i would not go back1 and did not4 ,my mother waited another year1 and came this time to the convent without writing1 so that ,i might not be influenced beforehand4 ,oh6 mothers1 little do you know the influence that is always at work3 and yet your children dare not even wish to tell you1 for it would be a terrible sin to tell even you anything about that influence1--it would be a grave scandal to do so4 ,but it is equally a great sin to hide anything from our ,superior2 we are distinctly told never to conceal anything1 not even our most secret thoughts1 from our ,superior4 ,should we have a great temptation to leave the life we had entered on1 or any great temptation to rebel against convent rules1 we were expressly told to make it known at once1 that we might have the benefit of our ,superior's advice4 ,remember1 too1 that self-examination comes three times a day6 ,one morning1 at the ,communion1 the ,father suddenly turned round1 saying3 8,if any sister in this chapel has one single unfaithful thought of going back to the world1 ,i dare her to come to this altar1 and touch with her lips the sacred ,body and ,blood of her ,god4 #8,woe be to him through whom the offence cometh6'0 ,we were all startled1 and ,i said18,lord1 is it ,i80 ,but it was not me1 for ,i would rather have suffered torture than commit so great a sin4 ,a certain lay-sister stayed behind at that time1 and ,i asked her1 when the next opportunity offered itself to me1 if she had thoughts of looking back8 ,she replied3 8,i told the reverend ,father last night1 ,i thought ,i ought to go home to my father to keep house for him1 as my mother was dead40 ,the reader will perceive that though we were not shut in by literal bolts and bars1 we were bound by something very1 very much more effectual--even by the nameless and unexplainable fear of being guilty of the terrible sin of going back to the world4 ,how fearfully real and effectual is this feeling6 ,my mother and sister then came to fetch me1 and ,i was sent alone into the parlour1 that they might see how little ,i was apparently influenced by any outside pressure1 and that ,i might tell them that ,i had a wish of my own free will to remain in the convent4 ,at this interview1 some one1 unknown to my mother1 was1 of course1 within earshot1 according to rule2 but ,i did not fear that1 for ,i had no intention of going back1 and thus losing the virgin's crown in heaven1 which ,i so much coveted1 and which could only be obtained1 as ,i then supposed1 by remaining true to my holy calling4 ,my sister was evidently exercising great self-restraint at this interview1 and could scarcely refrain from weeping2 my own mother sobbed1 and my heart was wrung1 and yet ,i dared not think of going home4 ,almost choking with emotion1 and stretching out my arms and folding them around my mother's neck1 ,i gasped3 8,mother1 darling1 ,i ,,do love you2 but ,i belong to ,god1 and ,i dare not go back40 ,tears blind me1 even now while ,i write1 as ,i think of that awful struggle1 which ,i had been taught was right and pleasing to ,god4 ,at last my mother was able to speak1 and she said3 8,this is the second time ,i have tried to get you away1 and you refuse to come4 ,now1 mind1 ,i shall never come to see you again1 or write to you1 but you will live to repent the day you ever shut yourself up in a convent1 and remember that ,i will have nothing more to do with you while you are here2 but if ever you should want a home1 while ,i have one1 it is yours also40 ,she went on to say3 8,father ,ignatius will get tired of you some day1 then what will you do if your mother is no more80 ,my reply was 7remembering what a great pet he made of me1 and also how ,i had read and been told that 8the love of spiritual parents was so much stronger than that of any earthly parent073 8,you are1 dear mother1 very kind2 but ,i am sure the reverend ,father will never change40 ,and so ,i truly thought4 ,this wrench from all home-ties well nigh broke my heart2 yet ,i dared not even think of leaving the convent1 though in my heart of hearts ,i deeply wished ,i had never taken up that 8golden plough40 ,ah6 had ,i only not taken it up1 there would have been no sin in wishing for home again2 but now it was far different1 for it seemed to me1 at the time1 that in ,god's great goodness the path had been shown to me down which ,i must walk1 and that ,i must with determination choose the good1 and cast aside every thought of returning to the world4 ,and so ,i chose what ,i had been taught was the good1 and no one until now knows the bitter struggle ,i passed through4 ,how often did ,i recall this day1 or rather ,i could not drive it from my memory whilst sleeping or waking6 ,it often drove sleep from my eyes1 and my constant thought was1 8,if only ,i could put my arms round my mother's neck1 and kiss her just once more60 ,at last all was arranged for me to take the black veil1 and ,i even had orders to write for my mother to come and see this imposing ceremony1 as it is really a novice's entire death to the world1 and we are allowed to see our nearest relative before we die4 ,i was told ,i might go into the visitor's room to see my mother if she came2 but though my ,superior said it was lawful to see her1 yet she advised me not to go1 as it might prove a cause of great distraction4 ,when ,i was first told ,i might go into the room where my mother was to come1 my heart leaped for joy4 8,now10 ,i thought1 8,i shall be able to kiss her once again40 ,but then ,i remembered all the advice ,i had been given1 and ,i wanted to be 8perfect02 so1 for the love of ,jesus1 as ,i thought1 ,i gave up the privilege and joy of kissing my own dear mother6 ,as a rule1 we only saw friends behind the grille1 with a third person1 who must be a professed nun1 to listen and report us should we make a slip in our conversation1 or scandalize a secular by repeating anything that should not be told4 ,however1 after all1 my taking the black veil and thus becoming a professed nun was put off1 as the superiors could not agree as to what place ,i was to take in the community4 ,the reverend ,mother wished me to keep where ,i was--the reverend ,father wished me to be raised above six or seven who were older1 and had been professed some years back4 ,since neither would waive their wishes1 ,i had to wait1 and consequently1 ,i never took the black veil1 or life-vows1 and never saw my mother again1 as when ,i left convent life she was not alive4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,convent ,,life ,,entered ,,upon4 ,in the beginning of ,november1 #ahfh1 ,i went on a short visit to the 8,benedictine convent of cloistered nuns10 at ,feltham4 ,father ,ignatius1 who claims to be the father1 founder1 and reviver of monasticism in the ,church of ,england1 had turned an old farm-house at ,feltham into a convent4 ,the 8rule0 given to the nuns by him can be procured at any ,roman ,catholic publishers4 ,it is entitled 8,the ,holy ,rule of ,st4 ,benedict1 translated by a ,priest of ,mount ,melleray40 ,there are other translations of the rule1 but this one is much more strict than any other which ,i have read4 ,after a time ,father ,ignatius gave us forty-nine observances to keep4 ,these were really much stricter than the rule itself1 and they were to be read every day1 and the least transgression had to be written down and sent in to our ,superior at the close of each week1 in addition to the usual confession to a priest4 ,the ,feltham ,mother never wished us to make a confession to her1 though the ,mother at ,llanthony insisted upon everything being disclosed to her4 ,to these forty-nine observances1 later on1 were added about forty-nine more1 so that we were hedged all round by them1 sleeping or waking4 ,transgressions of these observances were 8convent sins40 ,i have already related how my visit for a week was soon lengthened out1 and ,i will not particularize those first and early experiences4 ,it was in ,february1 #ahfi1 that ,i was received into ,feltham convent as a postulant4 ,there is a form to go through when a postulant is received4 ,the ,superior asks3 ,what dost thou desire of us8 ,postulant4--,to be admitted into the house of ,god4 ,superior4--,none can enter our gates but such as seek to be the spouse of the ,lamb4 ,postulant4--,i postulate for the habit of the heavenly espousals in the ,holy ,order of ,st4 ,benedict4 ,superior4--,dost thou promise to obey the rules8 ,postulant4--,i do4 ,after a few more questions and answers1 ,i was properly made a postulant1 and thought myself at heaven's gate4 ,on ,april #acth1 two months after my reception as a postulant1 ,i took1 as a novice1 the three conventual vows of poverty1 chastity1 and obedience4 ,i would remind those of my readers who may be ignorant of these things1 that whilst the vow of obedience is put last in order1 yet it is of the first importance4 ,i remember well the day ,i took these vows4 ,i was attired in white1 and wore a bridal veil and wreath4 ,i recollect that another girl 7,florence ,s by name7 stood with me--,i should rather say knelt4 ,together we waited to sacrifice ourselves upon the altar of ,god1--not by the sacrificial knife1 that would be but the work of a few seconds--but by the daily and hourly sacrifice of everything that we loved4 ,when some of the difficulties and trials of my new life were set before me1 ,i had no fears4 ,i was in a state of high joy at the thought which had been burnt into my soul1 viz41 that ,i was espoused to the ,king of kings1 and that ,i was the ,lamb's bride now and for ever4 ,how could fear ruffle my spirit whilst under this spell8 ,besides1 how should a girl of my age 7,i was but fifteen at this time7 have any notion of what sorrow1 and trial1 and trouble meant1 especially1 as was the case with me1 when an affectionate mother had lovingly and carefully concealed from me any evils that might come in after years8 ,the anticipation of any evil in the future seemed1 however1 to fade into insignificance1 since ,i was uplifted above terrestrial things by--,i really know not how best to describe it--by the thought of ,him whom ,i regarded as my heavenly ,lover4 ,never did any girl or woman love her lover or her husband more than ,i did the ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 whose bride ,i thought myself to be1 because ,i had taken those three vows of poverty1 chastity1 and obedience4 ,i sometimes felt as if ,i must die2 so overpowered was ,i with love that ,i could scarcely breathe4 ,often since that time have ,i asked myself1 8,what was it that ,i so loved80 ,if it had been the love of the heavenly ,bridegroom1 that seemed as it were to saturate me1 would that sister who knelt at my side on this occasion have been permitted in after years to make my life such a misery to me1 that ,i could no longer live a cloistered life8 ,what or who it was ,i know not2 all ,i know is that whoever or whatever it was1 it obtained possession of my first love--the undivided love of my whole being2 but that love is gone1 and ,i do not think ,i could ever love with the same full1 pure1 and intense love again4 ,that love1 fixed on a lover existing only in the imagination1 and impressed on my plastic and youthful mind1 carried me through a convent experience lasting for seventeen years4 ,and then it vanished4 ,the illusion was dissipated1 the ignis fatuus was quenched1 and ,i was left alone in my misery1 and it seemed1 for a time1 that nowhere could ,i find the loved one for whom everything and every one had been sacrificed2 but better for me was this misery than that fool's paradise4 ,but ,i must return to my story1 after this digression1 which1 however1 ,i hope many youthful readers may peruse and take warning from4 ,my companion and ,i knelt1 as ,i have mentioned2 and thus1 upon our knees1 we waited for the august ceremony attending ever this mock marriage4 ,all heaven seemed to open1 and all of earth seemed to be passing away4 ,i recollect that1 after many questions had been put to1 and responses made by us1 and when sweet words1 set to sweeter music1 had been sung1 there reached our ears some such words as these3 ,the ,bridegroom would have ,his bride leave father1 mother1 houses1 lands1 and all earthly loves1 in order that1 as the apostle saith1 she may be one spirit with ,him4 ,my daughter1 canst thou do this8 ,to this we made reply severally3 ,in ,his strength ,i leave all1 that ,i may follow ,christ4 ,then the reverend ,father uttered these words3 ,beware1 my daughter1 before putting thy hand to the golden plough1 for cursed shalt thou be if perchance thou lookest back4 ,to which the novice then replied3 ,i should then be unfit for the kingdom of ,god1 and repeated the words of ,scripture3 ,when any one voweth a vow unto the ,lord1 he shall do all that proceedeth out of his mouth 7,num4 xxx4 #b72d and again we quoted ,ecclesiastes v4 #d4 ,after which there was sung in sweetest music1 three times over3 ,to obey is better than sacrifice1 and to hearken than the fat of rams3 promise unto the ,lord your ,god1 and keep it4 ,i truly imagined that ,i was vowing to the ,lord2 and ,i had heard that ,god was love1 and that therefore it must be sweet to obey ,his voice1 and so ,i willingly vowed unto the ,lord in these words3 #a4 ,i vow holy poverty1 that ,i will possess nothing as my own1 or receive aught1 save at the hands of my ,superiors1 or with their permission4 ,so help me1 ,god4 ,amen4 #b4 ,i vow holy chastity during the time of my noviciate4 ,so help me1 ,god4 ,amen4 #c4 ,i vow entire1 unquestioning1 and absolute obedience to the ,father and ,mother ,superior1 during the term of my noviciate4 ,so help me1 ,god4 ,amen4 ,my bridal veil was then removed1 and my hair cut off quite short2 then ,i retired1 and put on the serge habit of a nun1 and came back1 and ,i had placed upon me the scapular of obedience1 the cord of chastity1 and the sandals of poverty4 ,besides these1 ,i again put on the nun's veil and bridal wreath4 ,my companion and myself were then given new names4 ,i1 ,jane ,mary ,povey1 was called 8,sister ,mary ,agnes of the ,holy ,child ,jesus02 ,florence ,s was called 8,sister ,mary ,wereburgh of the ,blessed ,sacrament40 ,the following hymn was then sung1 which ,i must give in full1 as it affords such an insight into the delusion of convent life4 ,i believe ,father ,ignatius is the writer of this hymn3 ,farewell1 thou world of sorrow1 ,unrest1 unpeace1 and strife2 ,i leave thee for the threshold ,of the celestial life4 ,farewell1 world of sadness2 ,farewell1 earthly joys2 ,lo6 my heart is seeking ,bliss that never cloys4 ,strains of heavenly music1 ,sights surpassing fair1 ,steal upon my senses1 ,fall upon mine ear4 ,joy of ageless gladness1 ,peace that none can tell1 ,banishes all sadness1 ,satisfies me well4 ,languishing for ,jesus1 ,longing for ,his love2 ,thus ,i'll journey onwards1 ,to my home above4 ,body1 soul1 and spirit1 ,to my ,lord ,i give2 ,yearning to behold ,him1 ,dying whilst ,i live4 ,in the lone1 still night-watch1 ',mid the noon-tide light1 ,yearns my soul for ,jesus2 ,here it seems all night4 ,pant ,i for the morning1 ,and the day-star's gleam1 ,when in endless sunshine ,dies earth's weary dream4 ,upwards1 then1 and onwards1 ,soars my joyful soul ,jesus' arms are open1 ,jesus' heart my goal4 ,then my ,love shall kiss me1 ,call me all ,his own1 ,wrap me in ,his brightness1 ,rest me near ,his throne4 ,smiling fondly on me1 ,mindful of this day1 ,when ,i vowed me to ,him1 ,i shall joy for aye6 ',mid the throng of virgins1 ,in the lily's vale1 ,where our ,spouse is feeding1 ,sunbeams never pale4 ,all is love and beauty-- ,jesus1 ,he is there2 ,all is peace and pleasure1 ,all surpassing fair4 ,alleluia6 chant we1 ,in our convent praise2 ,shadowing forth the hymnals1 ,which we then shall raise4 ,praise we now the ,father1 ,with the glorious ,son2 ,praise to ,god the ,spirit ,likewise shall be done4 ,amen4 ,during the singing of this hymn the newly made novice kneels1 and all the sisters come1 with lighted tapers1 to kiss and embrace their new sister2 after which a procession is formed1 tapers are carried1 incense is burnt1 and these words are sung3 ,the wise virgins took oil in their lamps2 they went in with ,him to the marriage1 and the door was shut4 ,these words were scarcely finished1 when a door was suddenly and loudly slammed2 and it seemed hard to realize that we were still in the flesh1 and there came to my heated imagination some strange expectation of the beatific vision4 ,no wonder that brains are turned1 and young and inexperienced hearts are deluded and led astray by such an imposing ceremony1 which no words of mine can adequately describe4 ,you must have been on the spot fully to realize it4 ,i would impress very strongly on all who read these pages a fact that ,i think is not generally known1 viz41 that there is in the convent no difference whatever between a novice and a black-veiled or fully professed nun with regard to vows or rule1 save that the latter vows for life1 and the novice for a time4 ,yet the novice believes that she has no more right in the sight of ,god to go back from her vows than a life-vowed nun has4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,poverty4 ,i purpose now to write a short chapter on the ,vow of ,poverty4 ,by this vow a nun has stripped herself of everything2 she no longer possesses the right to use anything1 or any member of her body1 without the permission of her superior4 ,body and soul1 hands1 eyes1 and feet1 are all given up2 therefore the nun may not use her hands or her feet even to perform a kind and helpful action for her fellow-nuns1 without first going to ask the leave of her ,superior4 ,often1 especially at first1 ,i did not understand my obligation1 and consequently ,i would act without permission1 and bring upon myself the necessity of performing some penance1 that my sin might thus be atoned for4 ,a nun may be almost parched with thirst1 yet she must not drink even a cup of cold water without first finding the ,superior and asking her leave1 and even then she may not obtain it2 and if leave is granted1 she may be censured for her alleged want of mortification4 ,the nun who has taken this vow of poverty must never possess or make use of anything which has not been either given or lent to her by the ,superior1 neither can she borrow or lend anything without leave4 ,this kind of existence really engendered the most abominable selfishness1 and ,i never saw any selfishness to equal a nun's4 ,her vow of poverty makes her selfish4 ,she has nothing but what is doled out scantily by her ,superior2 and when she does get anything1 she takes good care to keep it1 not knowing when she will receive the like again4 ,this does not apply to anything great and valuable1 but such trifles as pins and needles1 or cotton1 or a piece of paper1 or a flower-pot4 ,to give or lend a flower1 a picture1 a thimble1 a needle1 a book1 or anything else1 without leave1 is to break the ,vow of ,poverty1 for which confession must be made1 and reparation by public penance4 ,anything sent by the parents or relations of the nuns may be disposed of as the ,superior likes2 and should it be given to another nun1 we were told1 8,let the sister for whom that gift was sent beware of murmuring at her ,superior's wisdom40 ,often did ,i have presents taken from me1 without form or ceremony1 and given to another1 my face being carefully watched whilst the transfer was being made1 to see how ,i bore the trial1 or if ,i betrayed any signs of criticising the actions of my ,superior4#e ,i remember that once a dear little child was brought into our community2 and being very fond of children1 and thinking of my brothers1 ,i held out my arms to the child1 and was on the point of kissing him1 when ,i heard the authoritative voice of the rev4 ,father1 saying1 8,sister ,agnes1 sit down4 ,not without leave2 you should ask first40 ,i coloured as if accused of some great crime1 and sat down1 but was too ashamed when recreation time came to ask to kiss him then4 ,i had only been a novice for a few months1 and did not think of my vow of poverty being broken by using my arms1 or lips1 or will1 without leave4 ,another time--it was at ,christmas--,i saved a mince-pie to give away to the first poor person who came to the door4 ,i was portress then4 ,an old man came1 and ,i related at recreation how pleased he was with my gift2 but1 alas6 ,i brought down upon myself a little lecture1 and was told that ,i had no right to give convent property away4 8,but10 said ,i1 8it was mine--my very own40 ,whereupon ,i learnt that for me the words 8mine0 and 8thine0 did not exist1 since by this vow of poverty everything belonged to the ,father ,superior4 ,we might not even borrow a pocket-handkerchief1 though1 as we were allowed but three1 it was often very necessary to borrow one1 for we could not without permission even wash them without breaking rule4 ,if a sister brought with her several dozens1 they would be distributed according to the needs of the community1 and the rest put away for future use1 as the new novice would be breaking her vow by retaining more than she needed for present use4 ,we were very fortunate in being allowed pocket-handkerchiefs at all4 ,i know another ,english sisterhood where the nuns are only allowed hard blue-checked dusters1 and as the rev4 ,father and ,mother and sisters have the disgusting habit of snuff-taking1 they must find these dusters very inconvenient4 ,should we use any other article in lieu of a pocket-handkerchief1 it must be confessed1 and reparation made by holding such article up high at the ,magnificat1 in the presence of the ,blessed ,sacrament1 so that all who were assembled might see that we had robbed ,god of what we had promised4 ,again1 if we broke any article1 or put it to an improper use1 the penance consisted in placing the said article1 or piece of it1 upon the head4 ,unfortunately for me1 ,i was famous for breaking machine needles1 and consequently ,i had to balance them on the top of my head1 which was no easy matter4 ,again1 should we carelessly leave anything out of its proper place1 we had to wear that thing the whole of the day4 ,on two or three occasions ,i have been adorned with a pail2 ,i have had a brush and dustpan round my waist1 and a large coil of clothes-line round my neck4 ,i hope my readers will now understand a little better what is implied by the vow of poverty4 ,this has been a short chapter1 but not1 ,i think1 an unimportant one4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,chastity4 ,the ,vow of ,chastity is broken by allowing any part of the arm to be seen above the wrist1 so that if we should be engaged in cleaning furniture1 or scrubbing floors1 or washing clothes1 we are not allowed to turn up our sleeves2 and as the under garments are made of coarse serge with long sleeves1 which are only changed once a fortnight throughout summer and winter1 the discomfort of this may easily be imagined4 ,however1 the feet may be quite bare all the year round1 for those of us1 at least1 who were considered strong enough1 as it is quite in accordance with the ,vow of holy ,poverty1 to go without socks1 stockings1 or sandals4 ,as ,i was very anxious to become a saint1 ,i gladly went about with bare feet for two winters1 until ,i had a bad cough1 and was then not allowed to do so any more4 ,often my feet were so swollen and covered with blood that ,i could scarcely move1 but ,i was rather pleased at this1 because the saints endured like afflictions4 ,by saints ,i mean those men and women who have been canonized by the ,church of ,rome4 ,to this source we went in order to find examples of how we might follow ,christ4 ,of course our lady1 the 8,mother of ,god10 as the ,church of ,rome calls the mother of ,jesus1 was always set before us as an example4 ,then we were in the habit of placing our holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict before us2 then to the various saints1 monks and nuns of our holy ,order throughout the world we went1 and again to all the saints who had been pronounced blessed by all the ,popes who had ever lived4 ,there is one saint1 8blessed ,john ,berchmans10#f who is brought prominently forward in the 8,diurnal of the ,soul10 who particularly irritated me1 because he was so perfect in every iota of his life4 ,i used to almost wish he had been occasionally careless1 or had now and again lost his temper4 ,whilst reading 8,the ,monks of the ,west10 ,i was quite staggered by the wholesale self-butchery several of these saints practised after their conversion4 ,i could never understand some of these saints4 ,st4 ,benedict1 in order to overcome temptations to break his ,vow of ,chastity1 is said to have jumped into a bed of thorns and briars4 ,i thought ,i would be before him1 and prevent evil thoughts even presenting themselves1 so ,i obtained permission to sting myself with stinging nettles twice a week1 and continued to do so for years1 though it hurt me dreadfully for two days after the operation4 ,a nun or novice breaks her ,vow of ,chastity by allowing the dress of a secular lady to brush by her sacred habit1 or by raising her eyes to a lady's face when speaking to her1 or by raising her eyes at any time except during the one hour's recreation4 ,should her brother or father come to see her1 she must keep her face closely veiled from their view4 ,very1 very seldom is she sent to speak to any other man1 and then only if convent duty makes it a necessity4 ,it was quite impossible to kiss or shake hands with any one1 as we were only allowed to see visitors through a small grille1 the holes of which were about an inch square1 while a professed nun was always near to hear what was said4 ,after a time the rule became stricter1 and the grille was covered with a thick baize curtain1 and we received orders1 in addition to keeping our large thick veils down below the chin1 not to draw the curtain back to speak even to a woman4 ,it was also a great sin to speak to1 or let any secular women see our faces4 ,i remember at one time we had a charwoman to work1 and ,i was sent to sweep the kitchen1 with orders to keep the veil low down over my face4 ,in vain did ,i try to sweep1 for ,i could not see1 and dared not raise my veil4 ,at last the poor woman tried to take the broom1 saying1 8,let me do it40 ,i dared not allow this1 for in so doing ,i should have been guilty of the sin of disobedience1 and for the same reason ,i dared not speak4 ,she tried hard to get the broom1 and ,i tried hard to keep it1 without speaking4 ,at last ,i was almost forced to open my mouth1 and ,i said to her1 8,thank you1 but ,i must do it40 ,so ,i finished the work1 and then in fear and trembling confessed my fault to the reverend ,father4 ,he was very angry1 and made no excuse for my awkward position1 but told me not to attempt to justify my conduct1 and that there was no excuse for an act of disobedience4 ,as a punishment1 he sent me then and there to recite the whole ,psalter4 ,should we grow to love a sister very much1 we are speedily forbidden to speak to1 or hold any communication with her4 ,this of course does not refer to our ,superior1 as she is in the place of ,god to us4 ,should we put our arm around a dear young sister's neck or waist1 or even take hold of her hand1 such conduct would be a breach of this ,vow of ,chastity1 and we must confess that we have been too demonstrative in our affections towards a spiritual sister4 ,in ,butler's 8,lives of the ,saints10 we read that 8,st4 ,clare was so chaste that she would not even touch her father's hand40 ,it was different with our ,superior's hand1 as it was the rule to kiss that hand when receiving the blessing4 ,in regard to confession1 the same rules were observed as have always existed in the ,church of ,rome4 ,every thought1 word1 and deed had to be confessed1 and we had to answer any question the priest might put to us1 as nothing is wrong the priest asks in confession2 at least this is what we were told4 ,the priest ,i confessed to for the greater part of my convent life made me clearly to understand that all he said to me was for myself alone1 and was not to be repeated4 ,he bid me keep nothing back1 and told me that if ,i did hide any known sin ,i should be guilty of sacrilege1 my confession would be rendered invalid1 and ,i should be putting myself in the position of ,ananias and ,sapphira4 ,when ,i had finished my confession1 he used to ask several times1 8,are you sure you have told me everything80 ,it will thus be seen that there is no loophole or excuse to keep anything back1 and ,i never did4 ,twice he asked me the most outrageous questions1 which made me almost shriek1 8,no6 ,oh1 no60#g ,i had been to him for some years1 and had laid my whole life open to him1 and there really could be no occasion for him to put such questions to me on subjects that had never before been presented to my mind1 in any shape or form4 ,this priest is dead now1 and ,i seldom confessed to another4 ,after ,i had been a sister and under his direction for nine years1 he advised me to leave that convent4 ,why he gave this advice1 ,i do not know2 but ,i replied at once that ,i would never go back4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,vow ,,of ,,obedience4 ,the ,vow of entire1 unquestioning1 and absolute ,obedience renders the ,superiors tyrants and their subjects slaves4 ,a novice1 or nun1 must give up her will1 conscience1 judgment1 reason1 and her intellect1 and must be merely a tool in her ,superior's hands4#h ,she may not speak to her ,superior without first prostrating her whole body to the ground1 kissing the hem of her 8sacred habit10 and then1 leave to speak being given1 she may address her ,superior1 kneeling on both knees1 with the eyes fixed on the ground4 ,she must listen to her voice as the voice of ,god2 for has not ,god addressed each nun with some such words as1 8,the ,lord hath in ,his wisdom set thy ,superior1 and her alone1 over thee1 and ,he will only accept thy obedience through thy ,superior08 ,of course we soon learnt to look upon our ,superiors as possessing infallibility4 ,in the words of the ,lady ,prioress of ,llanthony convent3 ,what the ,pope is to ,roman ,catholics1 that a ,superior is to a nun4 ,i cannot err1 in regard to you2 though ,i may do wrong or make mistakes in regard to matters belonging to myself1 yet ,i cannot err as regards you1 for our ,lord would not permit this4 ,therefore1 no matter what ,i do or say to you1 it must be right1 so far as it concerns you2 it is ,god's will for you1 and the very slightest rebellion against my wish or orders1 even in thought1 is rebellion against ,god4 ,in 8,the ,rule of our ,most ,holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict0 7,burns ,oates71 on page #ec1 these words occur3 8,the third degree of humility is that a man1 for the love of ,god1 submit himself to his ,superior in all obedience1 imitating the ,lord1 of whom the apostle saith1 #8,he was made obedient unto death4' ''' ,and in order to show that we ought to be under a ,superior1 the word of ,god says1 #8,thou hast placed men over our heads4'0 ,that this is a most extraordinary and utterly unwarranted application 787 of ,scripture1 ,i need scarcely point out to my intelligent readers4 ,of course the ,father ,superior is as infallible as the ,mother ,superior2 and yet ,i have heard the ,llanthony ,mother frequently criticise the reverend ,father's doings when his actions did not exactly fall in with her ideas1 or if they at all clashed with her will4 ,this ,mother1 too1 often accused me to the reverend ,father of things ,i had never done4 ,i recall to mind an occasion when ,i was smarting under one of these unfounded accusations1 and how1 in an agony of mind1 ,i exclaimed1 8,it is not true1 and she knows it is not true40 ,the ,father ,superior commanded me to be still1 and listen to ,god speaking to me4 ,practically we were taught that the ,lord only reveals ,his will to us through our ,superiors4 ,a nun must obey the convent bell as if it were the voice of an angel4 ,if she should be writing when the bell sounds1 she must instantly lay down her pen1 without even waiting to finish the formation of a letter2 and as an example of how pleasing such instant obedience is to ,god1 we were told that a certain saint was called three times whilst reciting the office of the ,blessed ,virgin2 she obeyed promptly1 and on returning and taking up her book1 she found the letters written in gold2#i and thus1 even in this life1 was her perfect obedience rewarded4 ,when the bell rings1 or a ,superior calls1 everything must be left at once1 even though the nun knows full well she will be penanced for leaving things about1 and yet she dares not stay to put them away without a breach of this ,vow of ,obedience4 ,once ,i was in the 8,lady ,chapel10 decorating the shrine1 and the bell rang before ,i had cleared the faded flowers away4 ,by rule ,i dared not leave them1 and by rule ,i dared not clear them away1 and of the two evils ,i chose to clear away the faded flowers4 ,soon the ,lady ,prioress of ,llanthony came down1 looked at me1 and then slammed the doors1 which shut me out of the nun's choir4 ,i was afterwards reproved by the ,superior1 who said to me3 8,sister ,agnes1 if you go on in this way very much longer1 you will find yourself at last where you are now1 outside the doors of heaven1 with the gate shut40 ,the truth is1 a nun's obedience must be blind in its character2 there must be no waiting to consider consequences1 for by her vow she has renounced all claim to herself1 and should the ,superior command her to do what she believes to be even wrong and sinful1 it is her duty to simply obey without a question1 since the responsibility rests rather upon the ,superior who gave the command than upon the nun who obeys it4 ,in obeying a ,superior1 a nun is more sure of doing ,god's will than if an angel came down from heaven to give a command1 seeing that ,satan can transform himself into an angel of light2 but there can be no possibility of mistaking the ,superior's voice6 7so we were taught74 ,obedience to ,god being the only sure road to heaven1 such obedience1#aj for a nun at least1 can only be rendered pleasing and acceptable to ,god through the channel of her ,superior2 so1 without strict obedience to the ,superior1 there can be no hope of heaven4 ,thus a nun must act as one who is not responsible to ,god for her actions6 ,i pity the ,superiors1 who have not only upon them the weight of their own sins1 but also that of all the nuns under their care6 ,they have yet to learn that salvation is not the reward of man's obedience1 but the free gift of ,god1 by faith1 without works4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,the ,,dawn ,,of ,,spiritual ,,light4 ,i had been in the convent now for some eight years1 striving after perfection2 but a wearisome task it was1 ever striving to observe all the minuti of convent rules1 ever confessing every little deviation from the three vows aforementioned4 ,i had been taught that baptism had made me a child of ,god2 that original sin had1 by virtue of that rite1 been taken away2 but that1 subsequently1 if ,i wished to retain ,god's favour1 ,i must confess every sin of omission and commission1 in thought1 word and deed2 and that should ,i conceal wilfully any matter1 however trivial1 my eternal salvation would be endangered by any such concealment4 ,it is perhaps difficult for those who have never been under such a hard yoke to imagine the mental torture such a system creates4 ,i was often filled with fear lest ,i had not remembered everything1 and it is no easy matter to look back through a whole life and lay everything bare before ,god1 in the presence of a man1 whom we are told to forget entirely1 and think we are but repeating everything to ,god1 who knows all beforehand1 but who wills that we should come to ,him in this way2 and whatever shame is felt in thus opening our hearts and all its windings1 must be accepted willingly as a small suffering for our sins4 ,sometimes a matter seems so silly or trivial that one thinks it not necessary to confess it4 ,but the very fact of not wishing to confess it proves it to be wrong1 and therefore it must be confessed4 ,for years ,i went thus to confession1 conscientiously and scrupulously declaring the whole of my inner and outer life4 ,thus did ,i strive to find the peace ,i so longed for1 and ,i must say ,i did enjoy a certain satisfaction of mind until ,i inadvertently broke some convent rule4 ,a sin of anger would be mortal2 and had ,i died without confession of this sin to a priest and obtaining absolution1 there would have been very little1 if any1 hope of my soul's salvation4 ,i would often confess1 and weep tears of real pain and bitter sorrow at my ingratitude to ,god1 after ,his wonderful condescension in calling me into the 8,religious ,life10 while so many who possibly would have grown far holier than myself were left in the world1 never even having the opportunity of gaining so bright a crown1 or of being so near to ,jesus hereafter4 ,i would resolve and pray that ,i might never do anything wrong against rule 7the rule is the nun's guide to perfection1 it being the only way that ,god intends her to reach perfection7 or anything else2 and to attain this perfect state1 ,i would often spend my recreation and sleep time in making novenas to the blessed ,virgin1 reciting the ,rosary and ,litany of the blessed ,virgin1 or in invoking the saints2 but they never seemed to answer me1 and even when ,i redoubled my efforts1 ,i sought their help in vain4 ,it was very difficult for me not to break rule sometimes1 and often it would be impossible to perform obedience1 as we had sometimes half a dozen obediences to fulfil at the same time1 or we had some order given1 and when it was accomplished1 we would be severely reproved for taking upon us to dare to do such or such things2 and should we try and explain our conduct1 by that very explanation at least half a dozen rules were broken straightway1 namely1 silence broken1 self-justification1 answering the ,superior1 unwillingness to take unjust rebuke with great gratitude1 etc41 for all of which we had hard penances imposed4 ,the result was that at times ,i was in a state of continual penance1 and consequently in prolonged disgrace1 whilst some sisters who were not so conscientious in confessing faults1 and doing penances prescribed by rule1 were deemed far holier and much higher up the ladder than myself4 ,at last ,i thought myself so bad that ,i literally despaired of ever reaching perfection1 or of going to heaven at all4 ,but my ,father ,confessor did not think me so bad1 and1 in fact1 he flattered me1 and declared that he thought very highly of me2 but this only tended to alarm me1 as ,i thought ,i must be deceiving myself and him too1 and ,i told him this1 but he assured me that ,i must not think so1 and that he felt sure ,i could not have such a bad opinion of myself4 ,however1 for months and months ,i was afraid to go to sleep lest ,i should awake in hell2 and ,i was equally afraid to get up lest some accident should come upon me1 and then ,i should be cast into perdition4 ,so ,i was always asking to go to confession at every little fault or breach of rule4 ,at last the climax came1 when one day the following passage from the writings of ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori was read aloud3 8,a soul may yet be damned for sins which have already been confessed40 ,how to keep silence ,i knew not1 for ,i felt how terribly ,i had been deceived in being told that sin confessed is sin forgiven4 ,the next day ,i asked leave to go to my ,father ,confessor1 and when ,i was in his presence he asked me3 8,sister ,agnes1 have you come to confession80 ,i replied1 8,no1 ,i have not1 for ,i don't believe in confession1 or in anything1 or anybody1 or even in myself1 and ,i scarcely believe there is a ,god at all40 8,dear sister1 what is the matter with you8 ,i have never seen you like this before4 ,i always thought you very good40 ,then ,i quoted the words of ,liguori which had so upset me1 and added3 8,you told me that everything ,i confessed was forgiven1 and ,i believed you2 but now ,i find it is not true40 ,he made at once the best explanation he could of ,liguori's meaning1 reconciling the words with his own apparently contradictory statement3 both were right then4 ,be that as it may1 ,i think that from that day ,i lost faith in the value and efficacy of confession1 though ,i was obliged still to go to it4 ,it was just at this phase of my experience that ,i began to think about certain teaching that ,i had heard vague and indistinct rumours of2 namely1 that salvation was wholly the work finished for sinners by the ,saviour's atoning blood4 ,i had fancied that there was no truth in this1 and had imagined it was some new doctrine introduced by ,methodists4 ,finding myself in such a dilemma1 ,i began to think a good deal about this doctrine1 and at last ,i heartily wished it was true4 ,but ,i had been so long taught that sacraments were the only sure way to heaven1 that ,i had much to do1 and after doing my utmost1 ,i must look to ,christ's work1 so to speak1 to supply my deficiencies1 and that only when ,i appeared in the presence of ,god after this mortal life could the great question of my salvation be settled4 ,i had so long been living under the influence of such teaching that it may be easily seen ,i was not very ready to accept any other form of doctrine4 ,yet ,i could not get the new idea out of my head4 ,i somehow felt convinced of the truth of it1 but ,i was as yet too fast bound in the old chains1 and in this state of hovering between two opinions ,i remained for some time1 until at length one night ,i made up my mind ,i would not sleep till ,i had settled the question between my own soul and ,god4 ,the result of this decision was that ,i determined to lay down at the feet of ,jesus all my sins1 sorrows1 and failings1 and even my best intentions1 and just to trust in ,his finished work4 ,i thought ,i had actually done this1 and soon fell asleep2 but on awaking ,i felt greatly disappointed1 and1 kneeling down before the crucifix in my cell1 ,i confessed to ,christ how bitterly ,i had been disappointed in finding that in trusting in ,his finished work1 ,i had not been able to find anything beyond a very momentary peace4 ,it was whilst thus kneeling ,i felt--as truly ,i thought as it is represented in 8,pilgrim's ,progress0--the whole burden of everything roll off1 and a new life seemed then to thrill through me4 ,i had now been1 as ,i have already said1 a nun for about eight years1 but my new experience did not force me out of the old routine of convent life4 ,i quite well remember that ,father ,ignatius sometimes taught a doctrine very closely allied to that which ,i seemed lately so attracted by1 but he muddled it up with a lot of teaching that seemed to contradict it4 ,he certainly taught that all the sacramental superstructure1 saint-worship1 confession1 etc41 were only acceptable to ,god after we had received ,christ1 and thus it was that ,i was somehow led to believe that my new experience was right1 but yet that my old life need not be set aside4 ,i remember ,i was rather strengthened to continue with new vigour my self-imposed religiousness4 ,thus ,i continued1 and it was only after an experience of some seventeen years that ,i saw that convent life--and any other life but that of the faith of the ,son of ,god1 who loved me and gave ,his life for me--was nothing else but a delusion4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,life ,,at ,,feltham ,,convent4 ,ten years were passed by me at ,feltham4 ,father ,ignatius did not have very much to do with us there4 ,the ,mother1 ,i think1 used to let him know that she did not consider it a man's place to govern a number of women so entirely as he wished to do4 ,besides1 he sometimes gave orders which she thought very indiscreet1 from which great scandal might arise2 and1 being somewhat older than ,father ,ignatius1 she took the liberty of representing to him1 rather strongly1 her views about his orders and doings4 ,at times he would suddenly give orders from the so-called 8altar10 where of course no one could well remonstrate1 and which would put the household arrangements out for the whole day1 though he seemed to be in a great state of consternation when matters did not go forward smoothly in consequence of his orders4 ,sometimes1 before breakfast1 he would order that no one1 not even the reverend ,mother1 should speak for a whole day1 thus causing the utmost confusion1 especially amongst the servants in the kitchen1 who were included in the eccentric command4 ,and yet if his own dinner was not properly cooked and served in time1 he would show great displeasure4 ,another time ,i recollect how he ordered a young and delicate sister1 who was very ill and consumptive1 to walk bare-footed in the snow up and down the garden4 ,on another occasion he ordered her to carry a number of stones till she had made a great heap1 and then1 when she had done this1 he ordered her to carry them all back again6 ,i remember also that once he ordered a young monk1 who had come to ,feltham with him1 to put on a high hat1 and then to hop up and down the centre path in the convent garden1 so that all the nuns might see him4 ,he did this to test the young monk's humility and obedience1 and to see if he was willing to become a fool for ,christ's sake4 ,the nuns did see this extraordinary sight1 and exclaimed3 8,dear ,mother1 do look at ,brother 4 ,is he not a perfect fool80 ,nothing was too idiotic to impose in the name of holy obedience4 ,i have seen1 for instance1 a brother1 instead of kneeling to receive ,holy ,communion1 standing afar off1 holding up a black kettle1 and at grace1 in the refectory1 with the muddy street door mat on his head4 ,i have seen a sister with a handkerchief tied over her eyes1 as if she was just ready for a game of blind man's buff4 ,remember1 these follies were ordered to be done as penances1 and penances were said to be special gifts of love from the ,lord ,jesus ,christ6 ,what profanity6 ,i am sure the reverend ,mother had the greatest trial in ,father ,ignatius' freaks1 or whatever they may be called2 and she soon began to get sick of them1 and would dread the ten days he would sometimes spend at ,feltham2 for she never knew what he was going to do or order next4 ,once he intended to bring a young monk1 ill from his monastery1 to be nursed by a young novice nun1 and she was to devote the whole of her time to looking after him4 ,this might have been well enough if we had been sisters of charity2 but we were enclosed nuns1 and were not allowed to see the face of a man1 except1 of course1 our ,superior4 ,the ,mother would not hear of such a thing1 or allow the sick monk to come to the house1 as she was sure it would prove an occasion of scandal4 ,she thus set up her will and judgment to oppose ,father ,ignatius1 and she did this on more than one occasion4 ,but at last ,father ,ignatius boldly asserted that he was quite determined to have nothing but unconditional obedience4 ,the ,mother1 and the majority of nuns in the ,feltham convent1 refused to accept such an unconditional obedience1 and the result was that a split took place4 ,the ,mother would not sign a paper of unconditional and personal obedience1 and so ,father ,ignatius said to those who refused3 8,you no longer belong to the order of the ,monk ,ignatius of ,llanthony in the nineteenth century40 ,however1 he took with him three nuns who were ready to render the obedience he required4 ,i was one of the three4 ,another of the number was the nun who took novice vows when ,i did4 ,she had1 however1 meanwhile broken her vows1 and had gone into the world for some six years1 and had been a wife and mother4 ,her husband and child having died1 she had returned to ,feltham a few months before this split had taken place4 ,it is astonishing to contemplate how absolutely ,father ,ignatius required us to yield our wills to his will4 ,whatsoever he demanded was1 he said1 distinctly ,god's will for us1 and whatsoever we did for him was ,god's will4 ,to use his own oft-repeated words3 8,it must be so sweet for you to wait upon your ,superior1 because in so doing you are really waiting upon ,god2 in fact1 in waiting upon your ,superior1 like ,martha of old1 you are waiting upon the ,lord ,himself40 ,i can assure my readers that we poor deluded nuns believed in all this2 and1 so far as obedience would permit1 we literally vied with each other in waiting upon our ,superior and preparing for him the very best we could1 for we felt that nothing could be too well prepared in waiting1 as we thought1 upon the ,lord4 ,there was no greater penance to us than to be debarred from waiting upon his will4 ,if any one was in disgrace for breaking rule1 he would neither speak nor even look at her1 nor even allow her to kiss the hem of his sacred dress6 ,after we had left ,feltham a few weeks1 ,father ,ignatius1 and the widowed nun who had accompanied him1 wrote several letters1 in which the rebel nuns of ,feltham were exhorted to return to their ,father1 by submitting to unconditional obedience4 ,he allowed them1 ,i think1 three weeks to consider the matter2 and if1 at the close of that time1 they remained obstinate1 he would1 he declared1 excommunicate them1 and then the awful curse of broken vows would rest upon them4 ,the threatened curse was at length pronounced4 ,the altar was draped in black1 and an excommunication service was read through4 ,i was greatly terrified at this most strange yet solemn act4 ,i remember well the words that were uttered at this service3 ,unless they repent of this their sin1 may they be blotted out of the book of life4 ,amen1 ,amen4 ,here the bell tolled4 ,i was well nigh petrified with fear1 and thought to myself1 8,can all the ,feltham nuns really be under this awful curse80 ,at the first opportunity ,i asked ,father ,ignatius if the bell was really tolled for the ,feltham ,mother and nuns8 ,he said1 8,certainly it was40 ,i exclaimed1 8,how awful60 ,he replied1 8,true1 my child1 but it had to be done40 ,i remember how he often prophesied that the community at ,feltham would only flourish like a green bay-tree for a time1 and that ere long it would pass out of existence2 and ,i must honestly confess that he did his very utmost to bring it to nought1 by efforts to draw away friends and support from it4 ,it has ever been a peculiarity of ,father ,ignatius to curse and excommunicate people2 but those who are thus cursed only flourish all the more4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,convent ,,life ,,at ,,slapton1 ,,in ,,devonshire4 ,i will now pass on to say a few words about my life at the ,slapton convent1 in ,devonshire1 where we took up our abode after leaving ,feltham4 ,we commenced life in our new home1 which was part of an old chantry house1 with glad1 bold1 and brave hearts1 determined to keep the rules which were imposed upon us4 ,our motto was 8,in omnibus glorificetur ,deus40 ,we were under stricter rule than we had ever been before1 but we were glad of this1 as we believed we were brought nearer to ,jesus the stricter the rule we kept4 ,i cannot say much for the peace and happiness that fell to me here after two years had passed away4 ,during that period ,i was housekeeper--,mother ,wereburgh sacristan1 and ,mother ,cecilia scribe4 ,i was greatly praised and flattered2 but there was one fault found with me1 and this was my unwillingness to obey implicitly the two sisters who were put above me as my ,superiors4 ,the fact is that both these nuns were jealous of me1 on account of the good opinion ,father ,ignatius had of me4 ,besides1 ,i am certain that ,mother ,cecilia had no right to be made ,novice-mistress1 nor had ,mother ,wereburgh right to be made ,lady ,prioress4 ,the former had not been properly professed1 and the latter was what is termed a 8desecrated virgin10 and it was unlawful1 according to the constitutions of ,st4 ,benedict1 for either of them to hold office4 ,it was not right of ,father ,ignatius to place these women over me in the place of ,god1 and to command me to see ,god in them4 ,although ,i tried hard1 ,i could not submit to them1 and thus my life became by no means a smooth or happy one4 ,i may mention here that1 whilst residing at ,slapton1 a poor old woman was somehow induced to sell her little home in ,herefordshire1 that she might come to our convent2 but alas6 she 8found everything10 as she told me1 8so different from what ,i expected4 ,my life is a misery to me4 ,i shall never believe in anything again40 ,i must say she seemed at times somewhat peculiar2 but when a person of fifty years of age begins life over again1 and is expected to be as obedient as she was required to be when quite a little child1 is it to be wondered at that such a return to an artificial childhood causes bewilderment8 ,it was nothing else than devotion to ,father ,ignatius that caused her to give up her home4 ,it was the rule in choir to hold books2 when sitting1 to have the palm of each hand resting on each knee2 and when kneeling1 to do so perfectly upright1 with hands crossed on each breast4 ,now this old woman had not taken any vow of obedience1 and she either forgot to keep her hands in a proper position1 or did not choose to do so2 consequently the reverend ,father1 during the service1 would cross the choir to her seat1 and put her hands in the proper position4 ,five minutes afterwards she would have them clasped or folded1 whereon the ,father had to come to her again repeatedly4 ,at last the poor old thing would cry and become quite hysterical4 ,mother ,wereburgh told her she had better go home1 but she had none to go to1 for she had parted from her own home1 believing that she was coming to one4 ,once she ran away and scandalized the nuns to the villagers4 ,when she came back1 the ,mother sent for the village policeman1 as she made out that the poor old woman was violent2 and with the help of the policeman1 she was conveyed away in the carrier's cart1 and she gave the constable the money to pay her fare to her own home again4 ,the unkindness of the two sisters was quite sufficient to make the old woman strange and angry4 ,i remember how she denounced these nuns1 assuring them that the ,lord would take vengeance on them1 and it was such a speech that caused the ,mother ,superior to draw the policeman's attention to the alleged fact that she was mad4 ,the simple-minded man said he could 8see it40 ,now this policeman was made favourably disposed to the nuns1 when we first went to ,slapton1 by the present of a leg of mutton going to his family for a ,sunday dinner1 and other gifts of a similar kind4 ,the old woman was really no more mad than ,i am at present1 but she was often made frantic with anger by the conduct of the ,mother4 ,after her return home she wrote for some clothes she had left behind at the convent1 and asked the ,mother to return everything that belonged to her1 upon which the ,mother assured ,father ,ignatius that she had taken all her belongings with her4 ,soon after this ,i happened to be at the linen-press with the ,mother1 and there ,i saw some of the old woman's clothes1 and exclaimed1 8,see1 here are the things she asked for60 ,the ,mother replied1 8,oh1 they are only old rags40 ,they were not4 8,but10 said ,i1 8are they not what she wrote for80 ,three times afterwards she wrote for them1 for she was badly off1 having sold all her little earthly possessions to enter the 8holy1 happy cloister40 ,father ,ignatius again asked the ,mother to send the things off2 yet in my presence she said3 8,i assure you1 dear ,father1 there is nothing here of hers1 and to make certain of this1 ,i looked all through the linen cupboard the other day1 and could not find a single garment belonging to her40 ,i dared not open my lips1 or even say a word to help this poor old woman to regain her clothes4 ,they were of no value to the ,mother2 but once having denied that they were there1 she would not acknowledge she had made a mistake1 and would stick to it4 ,i remember too how1 whilst at ,slapton1 an ignorant girl came to be what is called a lay-sister4 ,she knew nothing of any kind of religion whatever1 yet in a few months she made her first communion1 and took novice vows for one year4 ,i am sure she had no more idea than a new-born babe of what she had undertaken1 or what was expected of her2 and the hundred and one rules we had to conform to in each day were frightfully bewildering4 ,this poor creature consequently was frequently breaking rule1 and was therefore plunged in penance1 disgrace and misery1 and really for no fault of hers4 ,after about two months she was sent back to the world1 as she was always in trouble1 especially as she was very fond of talking to the gardener1 and could not see the sin of an enclosed novice talking to a man1 or why she should cover her face with her veil when she wanted to see him1 or any one else4 ,as she could not make head or tail of the 8glorious holy life10 and was thoroughly miserable in it1 she was dispensed from her vows1 and sent away in a kind spirit1 which was from a prudent motive4 ,i will mention the case of another young lady who came to our convent as a postulant4 ,when she had been there a few days1 she felt she had done wrong in leaving her only brother1 as she had so much influence over him for good1 and they were orphans4 ,with the ,mother's permission1 she went back4 ,the reverend ,father was absent at the time4 ,on his return1 he sent off a letter to her1 telling her that the curse of ,god would be upon her--that she had no faith in ,god4 ,she should leave her brother in ,his hands1 and he actually told her that she was a spiritual adulteress4 ,it is important that my readers should thoroughly grasp this fearful moral compulsion1 which is exercised on impressible and easily influenced minds4 ,and yet the world is told that postulants1 and novices1 and professed nuns1 are quite free to go back if they choose4 ,the letter of ,ignatius brought this young lady back1 and she was duly put to penance for leaving4 ,she had to cover her face with a black mask1 during the divine office1 which is recited seven times a day and once at night4 ,she had to sit upon the ground during the time allowed to sitting in those offices1 and she was ordered to sit on the floor to eat her food4 ,after meekly going through all her penances for the space of six weeks1 she took novice vows1 when her beautiful long hair was cut off quite short1 in token of her renunciation of the world4 ,she was a sweet girl of about nineteen at the time1 and ,i know full well that she was as thoroughly miserable as she could be4 ,when she had been a novice some time1 the ,lady ,prioress announced to her publicly3 8,sister ,ermenild1 you have been a novice now over two years4 ,reverend ,father and ,i both think it time you made your profession2 so please to get ready to take the black veil40 ,although this profession was made after we had removed to ,wales1 ,i may as well give a short account of it in this chapter4 ,a solemn service was performed1 in which the nun was 8married to ,jesus ,christ1 ,son of the most high ,god40 ,a ring was placed on her finger as a token and pledge thereof1 after which she was laid out on a mattress1 over which was placed a black pall1 ornamented with a white cross4 ,the ,burial ,service from the ,book of ,common ,prayer was then read over her1 earth being solemnly dropped upon her4 ,the ,de ,profundis was sung for the repose of her soul1 after which the altar was then divested of its black funeral hangings 7which had been put on for this part of the service71 and soon afterwards ,sister ,ermenild appeared in her bridal attire4 ,she was a new creature now1 raised1 so to speak1 to a new life4 ,she was then led to the altar1 bearing in her hands a massive lighted taper1 and wearing a virgin's crown1 during which proceeding a hymn was sung3 ,dead with me1 then death is over1 ,dead and gone are death's dark fears4 ,after which came 8the cursing10 a ceremony which is always used in the ,roman ,catholic ,church in the consecration of a virgin1 and is to the effect that-- 8,should any one attempt to draw aside this present virgin1 let him be cursed in his rising up and sitting down1 in his standing or walking1 in sleeping or waking1 in eating or drinking1 etc41 etc41 and may his flesh rot from his bones1 and may he be blotted out of the book of life4 ,amen1 amen1 so be it40 ,after all this cursing was finished1 the now reverend ,dame ,mary ,e4 was enthroned on a seat covered with rich crimson plush1 which was placed upon the altar steps1 that from thence she might give all who went up to her the blessing4 ,father ,ignatius led the way1 followed by monks1 boys1 nuns1 girls1 and as many seculars as felt inclined to go4 ,the service was then finished4#aa ,in less than a month after1 being in great trouble and disgrace with her ,superior 7for what it would be a puzzle to find out71 ,sister ,e4 said to me3 8,oh6 how ,i wish ,i had never taken the black veil60 8,but10 said ,i1 8you wanted to80 ,she said1 8,no1 ,i never asked to4 ,you yourself heard what the reverend ,mother said to me2 and previous to that1 she had not uttered a word on the subject40 8,but10 said ,i1 8you know what the reverend ,father said before every one1 how eloquently he told them that the virgin about to be professed was not yet bound1 and even at that last minute she was perfectly free to return to the world if she chose2 but that only after she had taken this awful step she could not go back80 ,to which she replied3 8,yes1 he did1 ,i know1 say so in public1 but you do not know what he said to me in private40 ,oh1 how easily the world is deceived by such high-sounding phrases6 8,the doors are open--all are free to leave as soon as they like1 etc40 ,when people speak of inspecting convents1 they should remember that to do so thoroughly1 something beyond what is visible to the eye must be investigated1 even the interior of each nun's heart1 and the terrible moral force that has been brought to bear upon it4 ,and remember1 too1 that if a sister's own mother or sister came to see her1 she could not discover the deep distress that so often lies upon her daughter's heart4 ,no nun would dare to tell it1 even to her mother1 though her heart might be breaking with misery4 ,she would have to appear before her mother with the look of one who is perfectly happy1 and even smiling1 otherwise she would be instrumental in bringing disgrace and scandal upon the convent1 and this1 at all cost1 must be avoided4 ,i have had to appear thus1 looking happy and free before my own mother1 when a few minutes before ,i had been crying1 wishing and praying that ,i might die4 ,after this digression1 ,i will return to give an account of a novice at ,slapton1 who took vows on the same day as ,sister ,e4 just mentioned4 ,they promised to let her take the black veil soon1 provided only that she showed herself a submissive child 7this child was over thirty71 who had no wish or opinion but that of her superiors4 ,but unfortunately for her1 she had a very natural habit of forming an opinion for herself1 and admitted that she thought it no harm to do so1 as long as she kept that opinion to herself4 ,but there was great harm in this 7so the ,superior said71 inasmuch as a novice should be in all things of one mind with her ,superiors1 in thought1 word1 and deed4 ,this novice brought with her a valuable gold watch1 which she was content to give up for the time being1 and1 according to novice rules1 she had given up her box and keys4 ,the ,mother had looked into ,sister ,f4's box1 and there saw some things she wanted for use in the convent1 and she told ,sister ,f4 so4 ,the novice1 however1 was not willing that they should be used1 as she had not taken life vows2 in this way she first drew upon herself the ,mother ,superior's displeasure and censure4 ,shortly after this she was asked to give up her money to help in building a new cloister at ,llanthony4 ,she said she was willing to give up a part but not the whole1 and would very much like to put a stone in the building4 ,thus by exercising her own opinion she was again brought into disgrace1 and was told she could keep her money1 and would not be allowed the privilege of putting a stone to the building4 ,she must give up all her money or none4 ,from that time she was treated with the greatest severity1 and looked upon as the offscouring of all things4 ,to make a long story short1 she was soon packed off from ,slapton as having no vocation to the 8religious life40 ,how strange it was that her ,superiors were unable to detect this until they discovered that she was unwilling to give up her money to build a holy cloister6 ,before this they had a very good opinion of her4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,convent ,,life ,,at ,,llanthony4 ,i was looking forward to taking the black veil1 but somehow the ,mother had made a firm resolve to keep me1 if possible1 from taking this step4 ,i may be permitted to write a few words about the present ,lady ,prioress of ,llanthony4 ,this lady took novice vows with me in #ahfi4 ,she gained a great reputation for sanctity by an assumed air of humility1 and by performing innumerable voluntary penances and antics1 which put her less saintly sisters to much discomfort and disgust4 ,i recollect her once sitting next to me in the refectory at dinner1 when ,i saw a roasted maggot on her plate1 which made me feel quite ill4 ,i signed to her1 fearing she would eat it unperceived1 whereupon she at once took it upon her fork1 salted it1 and put it into her mouth1 looking the very picture of goodness4 ,she would of her own free will throw herself down on the floor1 and meekly kiss everybody's feet1 beg their prayers1 and thank them for bearing with her1 saying she was not worthy to be amongst us1 etc4 ,this continued until we were all perfectly sick of her1 as we knew quite well by her other words and actions that she considered herself the best in the house4 ,sometimes she would bang her head purposely against the wall2 in fact1 she copied every saint1 whose life she happened to be reading at the time1 in his or her foolish actions1 whilst if they did anything sensible1 she left it out4 ,st4 ,mary ,magdalene of ,piazzi1 was her special favourite4 ,sister ,wereburgh once planted a rotten cucumber1 to see if our ,lord would make it grow into a plant1 which1 of course1 ,he did not1 though she quite thought ,he would4 ,this was in imitation of a ,st4 ,teresa1 who1 we read1 once gave a rotten cucumber to one of her novices in order to test her obedience1 desiring her to plant it in the garden4 ,the novice obeyed without a question1 when1 in reward for her perfect obedience1 a plant sprang from it1 and bore fruit4 ,this is one of the miracles recorded in the life of ,saint ,teresa4 ,sister ,wereburgh would obtain leave to go without her dinner1 and fast till tea-time1 very often1 but was desired to have some lunch1 which would consist of dry bread4 ,the ,mother ,superior at that time never asked her what lunch she had1 but at last some of us found out that she had a good helping of bread and butter1 and a good-sized cup of hot cocoa4 ,she was housekeeper then1 and thus had no difficulty in taking what she wanted4 ,thus she really had more than we did at dinner1 which often consisted of two small sardines1 three or four small potatoes1 and half a slice of bread1 thinly cut1 and some water4 ,as ,i do not wish to appear in the least vindictive1 ,i will not now add more about this sister4 ,she was the cause of distress to more persons than myself1 though she managed to keep herself in favour with ,father ,ignatius1 and became quite his model nun4 ,i will now tell my readers more of my experiences at ,llanthony4 ,i cannot say ,father ,ignatius gave us a very warm welcome to our new convent4 ,in the first place1 ,i remember well how dreadfully he frightened me by telling us that the place was haunted by evil spirits1 as well as good4 ,we were told by ,ignatius that he had watched a whole procession of devils cross the church1 while they were at matins4 ,the brothers1 we were assured1 had often seen them about the house4 ,one brother at the monastery declared that he had felt their hot breath on his cheek4 ,this brother was a life-vowed monk1 though only about twenty-one years of age4 ,he ran away and came back so many times1 that at last he said1 8,to prevent myself from ever returning1 ,i shall get married10 which he fulfilled by marrying an opera girl4 ,i was told that afterwards he became a billiard-marker4 ,the ,novice-mistress came into our room one day1 saying3 8,i have seen him40 8,seen whom80 we asked4 8,the devil10 she replied4 ,i was really frightened by the tales of the devils who inhabited the cloister2 and to add to my terror1 ,father ,ignatius and the ,novice-mistress told me3 8,sister ,agnes is ,,sure to see him40 ,i used to go about night and day1 making the sign of the cross1 praying to our ,lord1 the blessed ,virgin1 and to our holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict1 not to let me see anything1 either good or evil4 ,sometimes ,i did not hear the call for the night office1 and would only awake at the sound of the bell4 ,this necessitated my going down a long dark passage alone1 and returning alone to and from the church2 besides1 ,i had to stay in the church alone after matins and lauds1 to recite the whole of the ,lamentations of ,jeremiah1 as a penance for not rising when called4 ,not hearing was no excuse2 and if we only remained in bed thirty seconds after being called1 and attempted to leave the church with the others1 the ,novice-mistress would make signs for the sister who failed to rise1 to stop and perform her penance4 ,it used to take me a long time to do my penance1 as ,i kept leaving off to watch for a devil4 ,there is supposed to be a miraculous light over the 8altar10 which was pointed out to us on the first day of our arrival at ,llanthony4 ,i looked for a long time1 but failed to see anything but the sunshine4 ,at last the reverend ,father said3 8,do you see it1 ,sister ,agnes80 ,i replied1 8,no1 dear ,father1 ,i do not see anything but cobwebs and sunshine40 ,i must not omit to write on a very distressing subject1 and that is the ill-treatment ,i received from the ,lady ,prioress4 ,after ,i had been about a week at ,llanthony1 she sent for me4 ,on coming into her presence ,i knelt at her feet1 and she gave me the hem of her dress to kiss4 ,it should be remembered that we were not usually allowed to speak to the ,superior without first prostrating our faces to the ground1 and kissing the hem of her 8holy habit40#ab ,but ,i had better give the very words of the rule3 8,to receive the words of our ,superior1 humbly kneeling1 with eyes fixed on the ground40 ,should we break this rule1 the order was 8to receive any penance our ,superior liked to inflict40 ,my ,superior on this occasion said1 8,sister ,agnes1 you often say you wish to submit to me40 ,i replied1 8,yes1 dear ,mother40 ,on which she said1 8,hold your tongue1 and listen to me1 for now ,i am going to prove you2 and the first thing1 before ,i say any more1 ,i must ask you to take off your scapular1 for you are not fit to wear it40 ,you1 my readers1 must please understand that to give up the scapular was a terrible disgrace1 and it quite cut any sister off from many privileges which are highly prized1 such as communion and recreation4 ,she now imposed a severe penance upon me4 ,i had to become a door-mat2 that is1 ,i had to lie prostrate in front of the church door1 so that nuns1 girls1 monks1 and boys should walk over me1 and ,i was not allowed to get up until the last one had entered the church4 ,i did not mind the nuns and girls treading upon me1 but my nature did recoil from lying down for men to walk over me4 ,they themselves hesitated a moment1 and then deliberately walked over me4 ,they were under obedience1 and had they refused1 would have incurred punishment4 ,this penance was to last seven times a day for a week4 ,the next penance she imposed was to make me lie prostrate on my face in front of my stall for a week during the night office1 which lasts from #b a4m4 to #c4de a4m4 ,then a third penance ,i had to undergo was to be deprived of my breakfast1 and thus to go without food till #ab4cj p4m42 and when ,i was permitted to eat1 ,i remember ,i had to take my plate and kneel before each sister1 and beg food from each in turn4 ,though they afforded me a generous supply1 ,i was often too ill to partake of it4 ,after enduring two days' fasting in this fashion1 the ,novice-mistress begged that ,i might have a cup of tea1 and a piece of bread at #i a4m4 ,she told me ,i must eat this1 or ,i should become seriously ill4 ,ah6 ,i did feel ill1 quite wretched6 but yet ,i longed to be quite good1 pure1 and holy1 and this made me submit so willingly to these dreadful penances4 ,often at this and subsequent periods my life was such a burden to me1 that ,i have begged and prayed that ,god would let me die4 8,o ,god1 if you would only grant me death60 has been my prayer over and over again4 ,at that time ,i had not allowed myself to think of giving up convent life4 ,such a thought to me then would have been sacrilege1 and the very greatest unfaithfulness to the ,lord1 to whom ,i believed myself espoused4 ,these words which had been repeated in my ears1 sounded loudly3 8,knowest thou not that the novitiate is a solemn espousal to our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 and the consummation of the bridal tie with thy ,lord will be expected of thee when thou shalt take the final vows80 ,i could not forget that when ,i had been asked at the service of taking novice vows4 8,what will become of you if you ever turn back1 after taking up the golden plough80 ,i had to make this reply3 8,i should then be unfit for the kingdom of ,god40 ,awful words were these1 words which seemed like the announcement of our own eternal damnation4 ,father ,ignatius now says1 8,why did you do these penances8 ,you were at liberty to refuse1 and leave the convent40 ,but ,i would ask my readers to try and understand what that implied1 what terrible mental torture 7a form of torture more cruel and bitter than that imposed of old by the ,inquisition7 such a step involved4 ,i am afraid no one can realize it who has not herself passed through it4 ,it is a maddening kind of torture1 because one is strained up to such a pitch1 and made to think of the awful sin against ,god and one's own soul by going back2 when for all eternity1 by a little submission here1 one would hereafter become the spotless bride of the ,lamb1 and gain a glorious crown to lay at ,his feet4 ,i am sure that never did any girl enter a convent1 and remain in it for so many years1 with a more sincere intention of serving and pleasing ,god through the will of her ,superior than ,i did4 ,i had been told many times that-- 8,god in ,his wisdom has appointed the reverend ,mother1 and declares that ,he will only accept your obedience through her1 and through her alone40 ,and yet she was the very one that made obedience impossible1 by giving me rules that were beyond my power to fulfil2 and often orders were given me1 which ,i fulfilled1 and yet would after all be reprimanded severely for daring to take upon myself to do them4 ,after suffering much at her hands for three years1 ,i became convinced that she would never treat me better1 and ,i made up my mind to leave the convent4 ,when ,i asked her permission to leave1 she always replied1 8,yes1 you can go4 ,you may go at this moment if you like40 ,yet she never did anything to further my departure4 ,how could ,i go without clothes to put on8 and ,i had nothing but my serge habit and cap1 and was without money for my fare4 ,besides1 it was many miles through a wild country to the nearest railway station1 and ,i was ignorant of the way1 and had been shut away from the world for sixteen years1 from the early age of fifteen4 ,the only journeys ,i had made were from convent to convent1 and even then we had thick veils over our faces all the way1 and were told not to put them up1 though we were in close carriages4 ,i wrote several times to my sister1 asking her to send me some money to pay for my journey1 and to tell me how to get to her1 and to meet me4 ,over and over again ,i wrote to her1 and received no reply4 ,at last ,i discovered that my letters were not sent4 ,yet the world is told that nuns have free intercourse with their friends outside4 ,nothing of the kind6 ,at last ,i wrote another letter1 and forced myself into my ,superior's presence 7for she had now forbidden me to go near her71 and asked her to allow the letter to go by this post4 ,i told her that it was to my sister1 and that ,i had written for journey money1 as ,i intended to leave4 ,at this she quite raved1 saying3 8,go out of my room this instant6 ,i shall not allow your letter to go to your sister4 ,you write so badly that it is a disgrace to the convent2 and your other sister has written asking me not to let you write to her1 as your letters worry her so40 ,this was not true1 as my sister has since told me that she wrote to the ,superior requesting her kindly to give me a few details about my mother's death4 ,i had often written to my sister asking for a piece of my mother's hair1 and it worried her so1 as my darling mother was burnt to death1 and there was nothing left of her but a charred coal4 ,i had been told only that she was dead1 and1 very naturally1 ,i wanted to know all about it1 and continually asked for the circumstances of her death1 and a piece of her hair4 ,the reverend ,mother knew all about it1 my sister having written it in the first letter announcing my mother's death1 and yet she never told me what had taken place4 ,my sister had now again written to the ,superior asking her to tell me all about it1 so that ,i should not be always asking the same question1 which so worried my sister to have repeated unnecessarily as she thought4#ac ,my brothers1 ,i learnt afterwards1 had sent me their photographs1 but they had been returned1 after which they never wrote to me again1 and ,i had meanwhile been wondering why ,i never heard from them4 ,i now felt utterly desolate to think ,i could not write to my sister1 and ,i was in terror what would happen to me next3 somehow ,i did not like to run away1 as it then seemed to me dishonourable1 so ,i said to a young sister1 who ,i knew would report it3 8,you know1 ,i have asked over and over again to be allowed to go1 and the reverend ,mother will not let me4 ,now ,i am determined to watch my opportunity and run away2 ,i shall stop at the first house ,i come to1 and send some one up here to ask for money to pay my fare40 ,an hour after this1 the ,novice-mistress came with a sun-bonnet1 a black and white shawl1 and a sovereign1 saying3 8,the reverend ,mother says you have asked to go so many times4 ,now ,george is going to the station1 and can drive you down there to-morrow4 ,these are all the clothes she has to give you1 and that money0 7putting the sovereign down on the table7 8belongs to the altar4 ,if you choose to do so1 take it1 and you are to take nothing away with you1 not even a change of clothes40 ,to this ,i replied3 8,tell the reverend ,mother ,i cannot go out a beggar2 all ,i want is a change of clothes40 ,she sent an answer back by a new sister4 8,you came to her a beggar1 and you will go away a beggar40 ,it may be asked how it was that ,i felt so determined to leave4 ,before going on to relate how at last ,i did leave1 ,i will mention that which provoked me to my determination4 ,i am sure that my readers will not think it a trifling provocation4 ,it was as follows4 ,one day the ,mother ,superior summoned us all to chapter1 and commenced speaking to us thus3 8,my dear children1 ,i have come to the conclusion1 which has now for some time been growing upon me 7but ,i am now convinced of it71 that poor ,sister ,agnes is mad40 ,every one seemed to start at this absurdity4 ,i could only smile4 ,she went on to say3 8,yes1 ,i am quite convinced of it6 and1 poor child1 this madness will grow upon her unless you are all very kind to her1 and you all know how mad people are treated4 ,you must never contradict them1 and1 therefore1 you must never contradict ,sister ,agnes4 ,if you do1 the madness will increase2 you must just say #8yes' to everything1 unless you know she wants you to say #8no'2 you need not take the trouble to talk to her1 or put yourselves out for her1 unless she asks you a question2 then simply smile at her and say #8yes4'0 ,she then turned to me and said3 8,i forbid you to go into church at all1 or to speak to any one1 unless it is absolutely necessary2 but of course you will do as you like about it40 ,my first thought was1 8,what a blessing6 for ,i shall get a little peace now60 ,i was in peace for two days1 and1 if ,i asked questions about my work or anything1 the sisters all smiled graciously1 and nodded their heads1 or replied1 8yes40 ,after two days had passed1 ,i began to wonder whether ,i really was mad or not4 ,this thought took such hold upon me that ,i would sit for hours with my head in my hands1 wondering if ,i had really lost my reason4 ,the thought drove sleep from me1 and1 in fact1 was slowly driving me really mad4 ,i asked that new sister 7,l ,w1 from ,devonshire7 if she thought ,i was mad4 ,she told me she did not think me so2 but ,i supposed that perhaps she only said this to please and humour me1 according to the instructions given by the ,mother ,superior4 ,she assured me1 however1 that she really knew ,i was not mad4 ,in spite of this assurance1 my mind was in as much doubt as before1 and ,i arrived at the conclusion that if ,i was not already mad1 ,i soon should be1 with this awful doubt on my mind4 ,i again asked leave to go1 and the reverend ,mother replied before them all3 8,i have nowhere to send you2 directly ,i have1 you shall go40 8,but10 ,i replied1 8,i want to go to my sister40 ,turning to the chapter again1 she said3 8,i assure you ,i only keep her here out of love4 ,she is a poor child1 without a friend in the world1 entirely dependent on my charity1 and that of the reverend ,father40 ,a strange suspicion was now borne into my mind1 from what the ,mother ,superior had said about sending me away when she had a place to send me1 that she was actually trying to drive me mad1 and would then send me to a lunatic asylum4 ,hence arose my final decision to leave the convent at any cost4 ,to show my readers the kind of treatment ,i received from this lady1 ,i will mention that one evening ,i was sitting alone1 when suddenly ,i felt a great pain go through my head--so great that it almost stupified me4 ,then ,i felt a sudden box on my left ear1 another on my right4 ,i cried out1 8,oh6 oh60 not quite making out what it was1 for the first blow had nearly stunned me4 ,then a voice sounded1 8,i don't care if ,i kill you10 and ,i saw close to me the ,lady ,prioress1 or the reverend ,mother ,mary ,wereburgh of the ,blessed ,sacrament6 ,o ,god1 ,thou knowest what ,i write is true1 without adding to it or taking aught from it2 and yet ,i had been induced to leave my own precious mother1 and had been told that the love of a spiritual father and mother and sister was so great1 that the love of one's own parents and sisters was not to be compared to it4 ,i always craved to be loved4 ,i had left all my earthly relations only to gain what ,i was told was a higher1 purer1 holier1 and more noble love4 ,behold my reward6 ,and such shall be yours1 my reader1 if you should unhappily follow in my footsteps4 ,yes1 disappointment will follow you1 bitterness of heart beyond all description1 a longing to go back to those dear ones whom you have left1 and yet not daring to go lest the curse of ,god should fall upon you4 ,i have spent seventeen years in the cloister1 and let me tell you that nearly all1 or1 at least1 a full half of that period was one of bitter sorrow and disappointment4 ,it was quite a common thing to have our ears boxed by the ,lady ,superior4 ,in consequence1 ,i became quite deaf in one ear1 and1 consequently1 was often unable to hear the orders given me4 ,i was reported to the reverend ,father for disobedience1 and ,i told him that it was through no fault of mine that ,i had failed in obeying orders1 but that ,i had had my ears boxed to such an extent that ,i had become quite deaf in one ear4 ,one day ,i was coming from nones at #b4de p4m4 ,this 8,mother0 commanded me to stay where ,i was1 and not to return to work1 and then said3 8,you have got the ,,devil in you1 and ,i am going to beat him out40 ,all left the sacristy but myself1 the ,mother ,superior1 and one nun1 who was ordered to be present at the casting out of the devil4 ,i was commanded first to strip4 ,i saw 8the ,discipline10 with its seven lashes of knotted whipcord in her hand1 and ,i knew that one lash given 7or taken by oneself7 was in reality seven4 ,i should mention that at certain times it was the rule to discipline oneself4#ad ,now my first thought when commanded to strip was1 8,i can't20 it would not be right or modest to strip 7it meant to the waist74 ,then it came into my mind that ,jesus did not thus think1 when the soldiers ordered ,him to strip to be scourged4 ,he simply obeyed1 and ,i felt sure that what ,he did ,i might imitate4 ,so ,i said inwardly1 8,yes1 dear ,lord1 for love of ,thee ,i can40 ,then ,i began to undress2 but when ,i came to my vest1 shame again overcame me4 8,take that thing off10 said the ,mother ,superior4 ,i replied1 8,i cannot1 reverend ,mother2 it's too tight40 ,the nun who was present was told to help me to get it off4 ,a deep feeling of shame came over me at being half nude6 ,the ,mother then ordered the nun to say the 8,miserere10 and while it was recited she lashed me several times with all her strength4 ,i was determined not to utter a sound1 but at last ,i could not restrain a smothered groan1 whereat she gave me one last and cruel lash1 and then ceased4 ,even three weeks after she had 8,disciplined0 me1 ,i had a very sore back1 and it hurt me greatly to lie on it 7our beds were straw put into sacks74 ,there was a looking-glass in the room ,i now occupied 7nuns do not usually have them71 and ,i looked to see if my back was marked1 as it was so sore4 ,never shall ,i forget the shock it gave me4 ,i turned quickly away1 for my back was black1 blue1 and green all over4 ,i will explain to my readers what 8devil0 in me it was that the ,lady ,prioress had been attempting to drive out4 ,you have seen how very unkind she had been to me1 and1 not daring to speak to her1 ,i made a cake1 which ,i knew her to be very fond of1 and sent a note with it1 begging her to be kind to me2 and ,i told her ,i was willing to do anything if only she would be kind4 ,i asked what she would have done if kindness had not been shown to her1 when she asked for readmission to the ,feltham convent2 and ,i implored her1 by the remembrance of that kindness which had been shown her1 to be kind to me1 and ,i signed myself1 8,your loving child1 ,m4 ,a410 or words as near to this as ,i can now remember4 ,this was the 8devil0 ,i had at this and at all other times4 ,the fact is1 that ,i knew too much about her1 which no other sister did1 and yet ,i never even breathed it to a soul6 ,owing to the hard life we had to lead at the convent1 ,i was not at all strong2 in fact1 ,i frequently felt ill and tired4 ,i was often so weary that ,i could have laid down and willingly died4 ,i often found it difficult to walk downstairs and up again in the middle of the night4 ,the novice-mistress would then sometimes roughly push me1 to make me go faster4 ,i would often faint whilst reciting the ,psalms aloud1 and drop down on the floor1 thus always hurting my head4 ,if ,father ,ignatius happened to be near1 they would show me some degree of kindness2 but if he was away1 they would drag me out of chapel and try to make me walk upstairs1 or ,i was roughly pushed or dragged up when ,i had not the strength to walk4 ,once ,i remember they put me out into the sacristy1 and laid me on the step of the folding door which led to the garden1 and1 opening the door wide1 they left me there whilst they went back to prayers4 ,i had fainted1 and on recovering ,i would have given anything for some water1 but not a drop did they give me4 ,after a while ,i got so cold1 and could not move myself1 but1 notwithstanding my pitiable condition1 ,i had to wait till they came out of chapel4 ,i was only partly dressed1 and it was in the depth of winter4 ,the next day ,i could not speak1 and had a severe attack of bronchitis4#ae ,it certainly was no temptation to faint1 and they must have known ,i was not shamming1 because ,father ,ignatius1 who was always very kind in any illness1 once brought ,dr4 ,hanson to see me whilst in a faint1 who said1 8,it comes from weakness4 ,this young nun is very weak40 ,once the ,mother ,superior actually pinned a large paper in front of me1 and another on my back4 ,on the latter was written in large letters3 8,jesus0--8,mercy0--8,pray for me0--8,beware of me40 ,all through that day ,i had to wear this1 and saw the partly hidden smiles1 and heard the loud laugh of those about me4 ,i did not criticize or make any objection1 and tried to bear with equanimity this humiliation4 ,at another time she wrote a confession for me to copy1 sign1 and send to ,father ,ignatius4 ,in this confession were these words3 8,i felt great repugnance to obey1 when reverend ,mother desired me to give up all the letters and books which reverend ,father had given me40 ,this was untrue1 but holy obedience compelled me to write the untruth1 and ,i copied the confession out1 and sent it over to the monastery4 ,in a few hours the reverend ,father came over1 called a chapter1 and quoted what ,i had written as a proof that ,i would not submit to the reverend ,mother4 8,but10 ,i said1 8dear ,father1 ,i did not feel a repugnance1 or let myself think anything2 ,i obeyed at once40 8,then why did you write this note to me80 ,i replied1 8,the reverend ,mother told me to write it40 8,did you1 dear ,mother80 he asked4 8,no60 was her answer4 ,i then said1 8,well1 she did not exactly tell me4 ,she wrote the confession1 and sent a note telling me to copy and sign it40 ,the reverend ,father then said1 8,give me her note40 ,i said1 8,i cannot1 for she told me to send it back to her directly ,i had read it1 and ,i did so40 ,he then turned to her1 and she put on the most innocent face1 looking at the same time aghast at me1 and groaned3 8,oh60 she cried1 shaking her head1 as if it was too awful to listen to me4 ,after a great deal of talking on their part1 ,i was finally dismissed with3 8,poor child6 ,she is not accountable for anything she says4 ,she is quite possessed40 ,these words from ,father ,ignatius1 who ,i thought would at last see how unjust she was to me1 caused me deep grief4 ,this was by no means the first time ,i had a false confession to copy1 and send as my own4 ,mother ,cecilia 7the ,novice-mistress7 once gave me a confession1 in her writing1 to copy and send to the reverend ,father4 ,i read it1 and then knelt down1 and kissed the hem of her dress1 and said3 8,i am very sorry1 but ,i cannot write this1 as it is untrue40 ,her reply was1 8,you can do anything you are told40 ,i then knew that ,i must obey1 and therefore ,i wrote at the end of the confession3 8,dear ,father1 this is not true1 ,i have only copied it40 ,i sealed the letter1 and was going to send it1 but ,mother ,cecilia took it1 read it1 and severely lectured me1 saying3 8,you have not a spark of the spirit of obedience in you40 ,she often told me to do or say what was not true1 and ,i could not1 and often ,i used to cry and say3 8,mother mistress1 ,i really do want to be obedient2 but that is not true1 and ,i cannot write it40 8,no10 she would tauntingly reply1 8,i know you cannot4 ,you have plenty of sense1 you are quick and clever1 etc42 but there is one thing you cannot do4 ,you cannot give up your will1 you cannot do as you are told4 ,therefore you cannot be a nun40 ,the truth was1 that they did not want me to become a fully professed nun1 because1 as such1 ,i should have had a voice in the community2 and having been with ,father ,ignatius so long1 ,i was not afraid of him1 and used to speak about everything to him1 and let him know what otherwise he would not have known4 ,in order1 then1 to gain their own ends1 they must first lower me in his eyes1 and prove by all manner of intriguing that ,i had 8no vocation40 ,after four years they succeeded in convincing him of it1 and he finally told me ,i had no vocation for the 8religious life40 ,he must have been very slow of discernment not to have found that out before1 considering that ,i had been a sister for seventeen years4 ,i trust all this will not appear wearisome to my readers4 ,i hope that this book will be read by many who may possibly have very little idea of what convent life is4 ,on the surface convent life has a great attraction for some minds4 ,when we were in ,devonshire1 a girl of the name of ,lily ,w41 who lived just opposite the convent1 was desperately in love with it1 having seen all the glitter and outside show1 and heard the sweet music and singing1 and having seen the bridal ceremony of ,sister ,ermenild taking the white veil1 and observed the peaceful looks of the nuns whom she watched walking in the garden4 ,i would observe here1 that what appears a peaceful look is simply an attitude that rule drills us into4 ,now1 ,lily ,w4 thought that convent life must be heaven upon earth4 ,this girl came to us at ,llanthony1 but she received a very cold welcome4 ,she was given plenty of hard work1 was taken no notice of1 and had to keep silence all day1 like the professed novices and nuns1 except during recreation hour4 ,when she had been there three days1 she said to me3 8,oh1 dear6 it is all so different from what ,i thought40 ,she spent her days and nights in sighing and crying1 and seemed so miserable that ,i remarked to the ,prioress3 8,poor ,lily seems so miserable1 and she is always crying and sighing1 more or less1 day and night40 ,the ,prioress replied1 8,serve her right2 she should not have pushed herself into a hornet's nest4 ,if people will push themselves into a hornet's nest1 they must expect to be stung40 ,nuns have said to me more than once3 8,if it were not for my vows1 ,i would not stay in the convent another day40 ,another has said to me3 8,alas6 ,i often look round and think can this be what ,i gave up my beautiful home for8 ,if ever a woman came into a convent with a sincere desire to serve ,god1 ,i did40 ,and ,i am sure she spoke the truth4 ,afterwards she became a hard and tyrannical woman2 but it was not her fault2 for convent life does one of two things--it either crushes1 or hardens its victims4 ,i assure my readers that convent life must crush every bit of self out of its victims4 ,i was crushed by the life1 and not seldom felt inclined to drown myself4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,daily ,,routine ,,at ,,llanthony4 ,at #a4de every morning the sisters are called by the words1 8,benedicamus ,domino40 ,each sister must instantly arise1 saying1 8,deo gratias10 then prostrate herself and kiss the floor2 and after tidying herself1 she must kneel upright with her back toward the bed1 in silent prayer1 until the first chime of the bell ceases4 ,the nuns then form themselves into a procession1 with lighted tapers in their hands1 and sing as they go to church1 where they remain1 singing1 praying1 and reciting psalms1 etc41 until #d a4m4 ,they then retire to their cells1 and rest until quarter to five 7unless they have the lamentations of ,jeremiah to recite1 or it is ,lent1 for during that season they remain in church from #b to #f71 when they are again awakened by the same words1 and have the same routine to perform4 ,then follows the office of 8,prime40 ,if a priest is there1 mass is said1 or sung1 after which the 8,martyrology0 follows1 and 8prayers for the faithful departed40 ,we then remain in silent meditation until the ,angelus bell is rung1 when we sing the 8,angelus10 and then form in procession and go to spiritual reading till #h4 ,at that hour the bell calls us to church again1 when we recite the offices of ,terce and ,sext1 and listen to a meditation4 ,at #h4de the 8,pittance bell0 rings1 and we form in procession again1 and go into the refectory1 where we find half-a-pint of unsweetened coffee1 some dry bread1 potatoes1 rice or porridge1 and salt1 some of which we must eat1 whether we are hungry or not4 ,many a time1 like ,david1 have we mingled our bread with weeping1 and well nigh washed our bed with tears4 ,of course1 the rule about eating this pittance of a meal did not apply to the ,superiors1 for they had whatever they liked1 and had it whenever they liked4 ,at #i o'clock the bell again rings1 and we go to the ,sacristy and sing1 8,veni1 ,creator40 ,after this the work of the day commences1 and real hard work it is4 ,but at #ab o'clock 7midday7 the bell is again rung1 and we go to church and sing the 8,angelus10 and listen to a meditation on the blessed ,sacrament from ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori1 etc4 ,we then come out of church and go to chapter1 where each sister accuses herself of any fault against rule4 ,should a sister omit anything1 or her fellow-sisters consider she has not told everything1 it is their duty to say1 8,i accuse sister so-and-so of doing1 or saying1 or leaving undone1 such a thing40 ,it may be true or false1 but the person accused cannot justify herself1 while the sister who has accused her is praised for doing so1 and is told that it wants great courage to perform such a kindness to her sister4 ,sometimes 7more often than not7 the ,superior will keep the sisters there an hour or two accusing some sister1 whom she has some special spite against1 of faults she never committed or even thought of1 and the least transgression of rule is severely punished2 while want of true charity1 and the ,superior's temper1 are highly praised as in accordance with the will of ,god4 ,besides these daily 8chapters10 each day we had to write down every transgression of rule1 and to present the record to the ,novice-mistress every ,saturday morning4 ,if she felt inclined1 she would write two or three more pages of our sins1 which of course she knew nothing about4 ,then she would pass these confessions on to the ,mother ,prioress1 who would do a little more scribbling1 and then1 in turn1 pass them on to the reverend ,father1 who would often write underneath1 8,most disgraceful10 and keep us away from ,sunday ,communion1 and return our books on ,monday morning to commence the same thing over again4 ,chapter being over1 we went back to work till three1 when the bell rang again for nones4 ,at #c4cj the dinner bell rings1 and we all formed in procession1 said a long grace1 and then sat down to our meal1 consisting of fish or eggs1 vegetables1 pudding1 or soup1 and water4 ,on ,sundays we had chicken and pudding4 ,flesh meat 7with this exception7 was not allowed except for the ,superiors1 who had it every day1 or twice or even three times a day1 except ,friday4 ,at #d o'clock1 the 8recreation0 bell rings1 and again we formed in procession1 and recited a prayer1 offering the silence of the day past to ,god4 ,and now we all must talk1 even though we may have nothing to speak about4 ,if we keep silence for five minutes1 we are supposed to be in a temper1 and the erring sister is told to go to her cell till she is sent for4 ,at #e o'clock1 the bell again rings2 we form in procession1 and go to church1 and sing ,vespers and the 8,angelus40 ,at #f o'clock the tea bell rings4 ,tea consists of bread-and-butter1 or jam1 or treacle1 and tea4 ,at #f4cj the bell again rings for conference 78,lives of the ,saints074 ,at #g4cj the bell rings for compline1 which often lasts till #i o'clock1 for there is compline to sing1 ,de ,profundis1 prayers for the dead1 litany of the blessed ,virgin1 and hymn and prayers to our holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict1 meditation1 and the closing hymn1 after which we go in procession1 singing 8,ave1 ,maria10 to the dormitory1 when each sister1 kneeling at the entrance of her cell1 closes her eyes1 and sings3 ,mother of ,jesus1 night is come1 ,and wearily we fall to sleep2 ,ask ,him to guard our cloister home1 ,from powers of ill ,his flock to keep4 ,ave1 ,maria2 ,ave1 ,maria2 ,ave1 ,maria4 ,we then undress1 perform our ablutions1 redress1 praying at each holy garment we put on2 finally we lie down1 making the sign of the cross1 and saying1 8,i will lay me down in peace10 etc4 ,the 8peace0 is a query4 ,it was more often 8,i will lay me down in sorrow10 worn out in mind and body1 and thus closes the peaceful1 perfect1 sublime1 happy1 holy day6 ,in summer the rule differs a little1 and is not quite so strict4 ,but during the season of ,lent it is much stricter1 and we only have the #i o'clock pittance1 and one meal at #e o'clock1 and we actually rise in the morning at #a4de1 and do not rest any more till night4 ,on ,ash ,wednesday we had nothing to eat or drink until six o'clock in the evening2 we stayed in church practically the whole of the day4 ,the floor of the church is strewn with ashes and cinders from the grates1 and we sit on the ground in the ashes instead of in our stalls4#af ,the #f o'clock meal is scarcely touched1 as every one is feeling too cold and ill to eat4 ,after compline we have to lash ourselves with the 8,discipline10 and then we have to go to bed unwashed1 as a penance for our sins4 ,we are not even allowed to shake the ashes out of our serge habits before retiring for the night2 to do so would be to break solemn silence1 so we actually sit in ashes all day1 and sleep in them all night4 ,on ,good ,friday we go through a somewhat similar day1 but the ashes are dispensed with4 ,every day1 over and above the divine office and prayer1 continual supplication for the conversion of sinners1 and for the dead1 are offered1 each person taking an hour's watch before the reserved ,sacrament1 so that the church is not left from #e a4m4 till #aj or #aa p4m4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,ill-,,treatment ,,of ,,children4 ,i recollect how a poor orphan boy at ,llanthony monastery was almost always in disgrace1 and had to endure the 8,discipline40 ,the lads1 when doing penance1 were stripped1 then laid on a long table1 their faces downwards1 and lashed for such faults as talking in silence time1 slamming doors1 leaving dust about4 ,another little boy1 of nine or ten--motherless--his father a dipsomaniac1 after being at the monastery four or five years1 was turned out and sent to ,london1 to do the best he could1 with only #bs4 #f;d4 in his pocket4 ,father ,ignatius said ,bertie was a perfect little devil4 ,but ,i can assure the reader that the end of all the boys was very much like this4 ,sooner or later they are turned out1 or else they run away4 ,the two mothers at the ,llanthony convent were constantly dropping down on the boys1 when ,father ,ignatius was away1 for breaking solemn silence1 and made even the youngest of them recite the ,psalms aloud1 after they were tired out by the long service of compline4 ,very little children1 ,i know1 had constantly to go without their breakfast as a penance4 ,i remember well two dear little children1 ,ada and ,alice 4 ,they were sent to the convent by their father1 a tradesman in ,hereford1 who doubtless thought it a great privilege to have them there4 ,alice was only between three and four years of age4 ,mother ,mary ,ermenild had charge of them1 and she would lash them both with the 8,discipline0#ag for the most trifling offences4 ,i often found little ,alice holding her arms and crying1 and would say to her 7if no one was near to hear me73 8,what's the matter1 darling80 ,she would hold up her little red arms1 and sob3 8,mother ,ermenild gave me the 'splin0 7she could not say 8,discipline074 ,little ,ada1 too1 would constantly be carried to her cell1 which was next to mine1 and there laid on the bed1 and lashed on her bare flesh by ,mother ,ermenild4 ,when the child cried1 she would say3 8,if you don't stop that noise1 ,i will give it to you harder40 ,then another lash would come1 and then another scream1 after which she would say3 8,are you going to make any more noise8 because ,i will give it to you again1 if you are60 ,the child would say3 8,no1 ,mother10 and would try to smother her sobs in the bed-clothes4 ,once1 being in my cell1 ,i heard this ,mother scolding ,ada dreadfully1 as a naughty1 wicked1 disobedient little girl1 for touching the ink and spilling a little 7poor child6 she had been trying to write a letter to her father1 whom she worshipped74 ,the ,mother then made this dear child lie down1 and she gave her seven lashes with the 8,discipline0 on her bare flesh1 in all forty-nine cuts4 ,later in the day ,i went to look at the table expecting to find it spoilt1 but there was only one spot of ink on it1 about the size of a pea4 ,on another occasion ,i heard her lashing this poor child1 who shrieked so loud that ,i could not endure it1 and ,i ran to her1 calling out3 8,oh1 you--oh1 you0 ,i felt so angry that ,i did not know what to call her2 but ,i was reported to the ,lady ,prioress1 and sent for1 and severely reprimanded for daring to interfere1 and take a child's part1 and call ,mother ,ermenild names for punishing and penancing the child4 ,i was forbidden ever to speak to the children again on any pretence whatever4 ,this was a great trial to me1 for ,i loved the children dearly4 ,now1 when ,mother ,ermenild first came to the convent1 she was a sweet and gentle girl1 but she was first crushed by the life she led1 and then1 when power was given her1 she became as hard and tyrannical as the ,novice-mistress and the ,dame ,mary ,wereburgh4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,some ,,of ,,the ,,llanthony ,,rules1 ,,with ,,accompanying ,,penances4 ,rule #a4--,never to ask for anything that is not necessary4 ,penance4--,to be kept without it4 ,rule #b4--,never to ask for anything that is necessary a second time1 unless permission to do so be granted by the ,superior4 ,penance4--,to be kept without it4 ,rule #c4--,never to hold possession of1 or make use of1 anything1 unless given or lent by the ,superior4 ,penance4--,to hold it up before the ,blessed ,sacrament for a week1 at the ,magnificat4 ,rule #d4--,never to touch or look at a book1 letter1 or newspaper1 unless holy obedience compels us to do so4 ,penance4--,to wear such article tied round the neck for two days4 ,rule #e4--,never to look at1 or speak to1 a secular or extern1#ah unless commanded by holy obedience to do so4 ,penance4--,to confess it at once1 and to repeat exactly what we have said4 ,rule #f4--;,in speaking to a secular or extern1 to do so with eyes fixed on the ground4 ,penance4--,to be blindfolded at each office on the following day4 ,rule #g4--,never to go beyond enclosure1 or the bounds permitted by holy obedience4 ,penance4--,to be confined to our sleeping-cell for a week4 ,rule #h4--,never to speak about our ,superiors to others4 ,penance4--,to confess it at once1 and mention what we said4 ,rule #i4--,never to allow criticising thoughts upon the action of a ,superior to dwell on the mind4 ,penance4--,not to be allowed to genuflect to the ,blessed ,sacrament for two days4 ,n4,b4--,to a nun this is an awful penance1 as she has been taught that the 8,body and ,blood1 ,soul and ,divinity0 of ,jesus ,christ are there present in the reserved ,sacrament in the tabernacle4 ,rule #aj4--;,if we have a tendency to criticise a ,superior's wisdom or the correctness of any action1 to believe that thereby our ,lord is injured and the vocation weakened by such thoughts1 since we are under our ,superiors in and for the ,lord1 and that the ,lord reveals ,his will only through our spiritual ,father or ,mother4 ,rule #aa4--,to conceal nothing1 even our most inmost thoughts1 from the abbot1 or abbess4 ,rule #ab4--,never to repeat anything said to us by our ,superiors1 unless commanded to do so4 ,penance4--,to confess it at once4 ,rule #ac4--,never to speak unnecessarily during 8silence10 and1 when necessary1 only while kneeling upon both knees1 with the hands under the scapular1 the eyes fixed on the ground1 and the words we speak must be uttered in a soft whisper1 8for the ,lord is in ,his holy temple1 let all the earth keep silence before ,him40 ,penance4--,to recite five psalms at recreation for each breach of this rule4 ,rule #ad4--,to obey the convent bell as the voice of an angel calling us4 ,penance if late for matins4--,to recite the whole of the ,lamentations of ,jeremiah1 kneeling4 ,rule #ae4--,never to be late at meals1 choir1 dormitory1 or work4 ,penance4--,if late at meals1 to eat off the floor2 if late for choir1 to kneel at the door during the office2 as to the rest1 any penance the ,superior likes to impose4 ,rule #af4--,never to speak about home or our earthly relations1 except to ,god in prayer3 8,forget also thine own people1 and thy father's house2 ,,so shall the ,king have pleasure in thy beauty40 ,penance4--,any one the ,superior ,,likes to appoint4 ,rule #ag4--,to be joyful and ready in our obedience4 ,penance4--,to confess it at once1 and wear front scapular pinned over the left shoulder for two days4 ,rule #ah4--,never to excuse ourselves if in fault4 ,penance4--,to kneel in front of the altar1 holding a large crucifix at every office1 for one day4 ,rule #ai4--,never to excuse ourselves1 even if unjustly accused of any fault1 unless it be necessary for ,god's glory that the true offender should be discovered4 ,penance4--,same as #ah4 ,n4,b4--,our ,superiors never did think it for ,god's glory that we should give any reason or explanation 7so that this part of the rule is nothing else than a farce74 ,under this rule they would keep us on our knees for hours4 ,rule #bj4--,to receive the words of our ,superior humbly kneeling4 ,penance4--,any one the ,superior likes4 ,rule #ba4--,never to be demonstrative in our affections1 even towards a spiritual sister4 ,penance4--,not to be allowed to speak to such sister for any length of time our ,superior likes to appoint4 ,rule #bb4--,to zealously observe our distribution of work1 and to do so wholly to the glory of ,god1 keeping before us the memory of eternal years1 our reasons for entering holy religion1 and so to glorify ,god and benefit ,his holy ,church4 ,penance4--,to lose our recreation4 ,rule #bc4--,never to touch food or water out of meal times4 ,penance4--,to wear a piece of bread tied round the neck for two days1 and to go without the next meal4 ,rule #bd4--,to keep our affections and interests perfectly detached from all things1 so that our whole hearts may be given to the ,lord4 ,penance4--,if we broke this rule by getting attached to a picture1 or any other trifle1 our ,superiors would deprive us of it4 ,n4,b4--,if we had anything they especially wanted1 they would take it from us1 as they had 7so they said7 noticed us breaking the rule2 and of course we dared not murmur1 as that would be transgressing our vow of holy poverty4 ,the last two of the forty-nine rules are as follows3 ,rule #dh4--,to read over these observances each day1 with the intention of making them known to our ,superior at the close of each week4 ,penance4--,to write out the whole of these forty-nine observances at recreation4 ,rule #di4--;,in confessing our breaches of these observances to state them thus1 e4g43 8,on ,sunday1 ,i transgressed observance by secretly feeling annoyed at being told to do such and such a thing4 ,jesus only4--#8,they shall go from strength to strength1 until they all appear before ,god in4''''0 ,these forty-nine observances 7with their penances7 were given to us by the abbot1 and written out for us by him1 with about forty-nine others4 ,the ,superiors being above the rule1 there is no occasion for them to keep them1 though they are very1 very strict in seeing that their subjects do so1 and were always dropping down on us at every nook and corner1 and making out that we had broken them1 when all the time we were trying our best to keep them4 ,we were the slaves2 they were the taskmasters1 and very hard ones too4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,of ,,what ,,religion ,,is ,,father ,,ignatius8 ,i have often been asked this question1 and in some respects it is not a very easy one to answer1 because ,father ,ignatius has such a wonderful way of being all things to all men4 ,he has stood on the platform and preached by the side of ,general ,booth's wife1 and has joined in their processions4 ,he has himself told me that he has gone to a ,roman ,catholic ,dominican monastery1 and was welcomed there by the monks under the designation of the 8,abbot ,ignatius40 ,he has himself told us not to let poor ignorant ,roman ,catholics know there is any difference between us and them1 as they will not know the difference unless they are told4 ,whilst we were bid to read the ,bible1 yet we were taught to regard it as giving a clear proof that the monastic life is the highest life on earth1 and our ,lord's example for such a life was ever put before us3 we were taught that ,he was an enclosed monk from the age of twelve until thirty1 when ,he commenced ,his public life1 because there is not a word mentioned in the ,bible about ,him during this period4 ,this was supposed to afford a clear proof that the life of a monk or a nun is much higher than that even of a sister of mercy4 ,though we were allowed to read a non-,roman ,catholic ,bible1 yet with regard to other books we went to ,rome for them2 such as3 8,the ,life of ,st4 ,teresa10 8,life of ,st4 ,gertrude10#ai 8,life of ,st4 ,mary ,magdalene of ,piazzi10 8,life of ,st4 ,catherine of ,sienna10 8,life of ,st4 ,thomas ,aquinas10 8,life of ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori10 8,life of the ,cur de ,ars10 8,the ,diurnal of the ,soul10 8,the ,glories of ,mary10 and 8,the ,paradise of the ,earth40 ,many other books from the same source1 too many to enumerate here1 were given us by ,father ,ignatius 7and truly a man is known by his books71 or were read with his sanction4 ,he did not approve of one thing which ,st4 ,thomas ,aquinas taught2 namely1 that if a ,superior should teach what is sinful or contrary to ,god's law1 the obedience would be illicit1 and the nun would not be breaking her vow if she refused to obey4 ,father ,ignatius taught us that he himself could not command what was wrong1 because he was the father and founder of the revived monastic life in the ,church of ,england4 ,i cannot put this matter any plainer1 for ,i never could quite understand what he meant1 but ,i did foolishly believe he could not tell us to do wrong1 because he said so1 and for no other reason whatever4 ,our ,office ,book1 too1 was the ,roman ,catholic 8,benedictine ,breviary10 and for years the ,roman ,catholic 8,ordinary of the ,mass0 was used at the altar4 ,lately ,father ,ignatius has taken a fancy to use the ,sarum missal1 which seems more elaborate than the ,roman ritual4 ,the ,high ,church party is not in great favour with him1 and1 as a good many of them ignore him1 they are put down as 8namby pamby40 ,the nuns were and are 7when there are sufficient to perform the ceremony7 to be called 8,nuns of the ,perpetual ,adoration of the ,blessed ,sacrament40 ,at present this perpetual adoration is1 as a fact1 only for certain times and great festivals4 ,i will attempt to describe it4 ,the altar is for the occasion adorned with about #aje lighted candles4 ,these are intermingled with vases of exquisite flowers4 ,i have known them to cost #fj4 ,the 8,sacred ,host0 is always in the tabernacle2 but on these days1 when the altar is decorated out so finely1 the ,host is put into a ,monstrance1 and enthroned amidst lighted tapers1 flowers1 jewels1 and clouds of incense1 and at the sound of sweet music and singing 7in ,latin7 bottles of ,eau de ,cologne are poured over the altar1 to be1 as he frequently said1 8wasted on ,jesus10 like ,mary's alabaster box of ointment4 ,the tabernacle is of exquisite beauty and workmanship1 with crimson velvet curtains1 looped up with massive gold chains1 over which is a real diamond cross4 ,the beautiful images of angels have enough bangles hanging on their arms to set up a jeweller's shop with1 and there is a piece of cloth of gold used for the ,host1 on which are many jewels2 one small corner of the cloth alone has1 ,i think1 seventeen rings1 which formerly belonged to a certain sister4 ,the boys on this occasion are clothed in scarlet cassocks1 each with a white cotta1 trimmed with lace2 the abbot himself appears in gorgeous apparel1 as also those who assist him4 ,the nuns used to wear long white veils down to the ground1 over which were their crimson veils1 used only during the adoration of the ,host1 with long trains4 ,though these are attractive-looking1 yet the weight of about twelve yards of material hanging from the head is anything but pleasant1 especially in hot weather2 and what with wearing these veils1 inhaling the incense1 and singing with all one's power for two hours or more1 ,i generally had a very bad headache4 ,after the service called 8,exposition of the ,blessed ,sacrament10 all leave the chapel1 except the monk or nun who remains to take the watch4 ,after this one has remained motionless in prayer for an hour1 the great abbey bell 7which was consecrated to and named ,st4 ,bernard7 tolls five strokes1 when everybody 7no matter where or in what occupation7 must kneel down and say1 8,blessed and praised at every moment be the most holy and divine ,sacrament40 ,then some one else takes the watch before the reserved ,sacrament for another hour1 and this goes on all the day1 which closes with the most solemn and gorgeously bewildering 8,benediction of the ,sacrament10 more so1 ,i verily believe1 than in any ,roman ,catholic ,church in ,england4 ,at ,christmas the ,bambino is the first object of worship and adoration4 ,this ,bambino is a beautiful figure of a baby1 for which 7,i have been told7 eighty guineas were paid4 ,this figure is laid in the manger at midnight of ,christmas1 amid much ritual and ceremony1 after which we all formed in procession1 with lighted tapers1 veiled in our crimson veils1 to kiss the feet of the holy ,child1 which adoration we also performed about nine times on ,christmas ,day1 and every day afterwards until the octave of the ,epiphany1 though not so frequently as on ,christmas ,day4#bj ,as seculars are not allowed within the precincts of the monks' or nuns' choir1 the right reverend ,lord ,abbot1 vested in cope and mitre1 holds the baby in his lap at the grating1 for the faithful laity to pay to it their adoration4 ,if the ,abbot should not be there1 the ,mother ,superior1 ,mary ,wereburgh 7otherwise ,mrs4 ,b471 represents the ,virgin mother1 robed in a cope of white satin or silk4 ,we were not taught to believe in the infallibility of the ,pope4 ,father ,ignatius had been to ,rome and kissed the ,pope's toe1 and was very proud of it too4 ,there was no need to believe much in the ,pope1 for ,father ,ignatius and the ,lady ,prioress were practically our two infallible ,popes4 ,neither were we taught the doctrine of the immaculate conception of the blessed ,virgin ,mary4 ,i think1 with these two exceptions1 we were identical in doctrine with the ,church of ,rome4 ,and now ,i leave it to my readers to decide for themselves as to what is the religion of ,father ,ignatius4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,my ,,departure ,,from ,,llanthony4 ,the morning for my departure at last arrived4 ,one of the first thoughts that came to me was1 8,i wonder if1 after all1 ,i am mad1 as they tell me ,i am8 ,perhaps ,i am1 and that is the reason for my leaving40 ,in solitude on that morning ,i made a cup of tea1 feeling too ill to eat1 but ,i cut a small portion of bread and butter1 in case ,i should want it4 ,no one came near me4 ,i thought ,i should much like to say good-bye to some one1 but ,i dared not speak1 for it was a period of solemn silence4 ,but ,i still had no small attachment to the 8,novice-mistress10 and would have stayed in the convent had ,i only the assurance that ,i should be permitted to live in peace1 for ,i had been a sister so long1 and 7strange as it may appear7 the life itself had still a certain fascination for me4 ,i did not then1 as ,i do now1 so much blame the system1 but those who treated me so strangely1 and often with cruelty4 ,at last ,i went into the community room1 where ,i knew ,i should find the ,mother-mistress4 ,on seeing her1 ,i approached her and put my arms round her neck1 and was about to kiss her1 when she shook me off as if ,i had been a viper4 ,had she spoken but one kind word then1 my courage to leave might have been seriously shaken4 ,but now hot tears rushed to my eyes4 ,i looked straight into her face1 and knew ,i had made no mistake4 ,a few minutes after this she sent me a note3 ,,dear ,,child1 ,i could not wish you good-bye2 the reverend ,mother had forbidden me to do so1 or even to come near you4 ,it was a cold1 clear1 bright frosty morning1 when ,i left the monastery at #g o'clock4 ,i was driven down that beautiful valley1 and how ,i enjoyed that drive6 ,to my surprise1 my conscience did not accuse me of sin in thus leaving4 ,the morning air seemed to clear my brain1 and ,i knew with a happy certainty that ,i was not mad2 a feeling of peace with ,god seemed to fill my soul4 ,such a peace ,i had not experienced for a very1 very long time--so calm1 so soft and sweet1 so free6 ,it was sixteen years and a month since ,i took my first journey to a convent1 and ,i had not taken a journey since1 except when we went to ,devonshire1 and from ,devonshire to ,llanthony1 and then we saw nothing1 being in closed carriages1 and having strict orders not to raise our veils from our faces4 ,those veils were thick and heavy1 covering our faces1 and reaching down far below the chin4 ,but ,i must return to my narrative4 ,i have explained elsewhere1 ,i think1 that the ,prioress would not allow any of my letters to be sent to my sister1 in which ,i had asked for journey-money1 and requested that she would meet me1 and give me instructions as to my best way of finding her4 ,none of my letters were ever sent4 ,when ,i left home to go for the first time to the convent1 my sister was about seventeen years of age4 ,since then she had married1 and was living near ,gloucester4 ,knowing so little about the world outside a convent1 ,i fancied that if ,i only asked for a ticket to ,gloucester1 ,i was certain to find my sister4 ,accordingly1 when we arrived at ,llanfihangel1 in ,wales1 ,i booked to ,gloucester4 ,on my arrival ,i asked the first man ,i saw with a fly to drive me to the post office1 as ,i thought my sister lived near it4 ,just as ,i was getting into the fly ,i thought ,i had better tell the driver the name of the place where my sister lived4 ,he replied that he had never heard of such a place2 so ,i inquired at the booking-office1 and found ,i must take the train to a place some miles beyond ,gloucester4 ,on my arrival at this place ,i went outside the station 7it was now dusk7 and saw what seemed to me a stage-coach1 and requested that ,i might be driven to the post office4 ,when ,i told the driver the name of the place1 he said he could not take me all the way there4 8,i will take you10 he said1 8as near to it as ,i can1 and you will then have to walk a few miles farther on40 ,my readers may imagine what a terror ,i was in4 ,i began to fancy myself put down in a lonely country road1 with no house near1 darkness reigning1 and all this experience coming to one who had been shut up in convents for so many years4 ,what was ,i to do8 ,i was frightened at every one ,i met1 and as to a man1 ,i feared the whole race4 ,as ,i was thinking that my best plan would be to try and take the next train back to ,wales1 ,i saw a carriage passing near me1 in which was a sweet1 gentle1 pale-faced lady in mourning4 ,i ran to the carriage1 and said to the lady1 tears streaming down my cheeks3 8,oh1 will you please take care of me for a night1 for ,i am looking for my sister1 and cannot find her80 ,she said3 8,dear child1 you cannot come with us4 ,who are you80 ,i replied3 8,i cannot tell you who ,i am40 ,i was so afraid of saying ,i was one of ,father ,ignatius's nuns1 knowing that the newspapers might be full of it shortly1 and that ,i should be bringing trouble on ,ignatius1 and scandal on religion4 ,a gentleman now came up to me and told me to be off1 speaking very roughly to me4 ,again ,i appealed to the lady1 assuring her ,i would go away and look for my sister directly the morning came1 if only she would take care of me for this one night4 ,the gentleman again told me to be off4 ,but the lady spoke for me1 saying3 8,we can't leave the poor child here1 like this60 ,i felt grateful to her1 though it seemed useless to appeal again4 ,just then a still1 small voice seemed to whisper these words to me3 8,never mind2 you are my child2 ,i will take care of you40 ,i stopped crying at once1 and1 looking up to the lady1 ,i said3 8,thank you so very much for being willing to take care of me1 but never mind2 ,i am ,god's child1 and ,i know ,he will take care of me40 ,these words were hardly uttered when the gentleman said1 8,jump up40 ,i looked in surprise1 and could not think where ,i was to jump to1 but ,i found he wanted me to jump up and take a seat by the coachman2 but ,i could not manage this1 as ,i was tired1 ill1 and worn out1 and ,i had scarcely tasted food for two days4 ,the gentleman1 seeing my inability1 kindly assisted me1 and ,i was taken care of until ,i eventually found my sister1 who was glad enough to see me4 ,but ,i was so frightened at every one4 ,directly ,i heard a knock at the door ,i used to run up to my bed-room1 in case any one should see me1 so strong was the force of the habit ,i had acquired at the convent4 ,my sister thought it disgraceful that ,i should have been allowed to come out of the convent without even a change of clothes1 especially so when ,father ,ignatius had begged my own dear mother to give me up to him for the service of ,god1 and after working as ,i had done for all those years4 ,i explained that ,father ,ignatius was on one of his preaching missions1 and knew nothing about my leaving4 ,she told me to write and ask for some money4 ,father ,ignatius sent me two pounds1 with which he expected me to buy clothes1 to settle myself in life1 to pay my journeys1 and purchase any other necessaries ,i might require4 ,two pounds6 ,less than half of what he has paid1 or allowed others to pay1 to purchase one cowl for a monk to wear at meal times and in church2 less than the sum he has spent to give the ,prioress and ,novice-mistress ,christmas presents6 ,two pounds1 after sixteen years of hard work6 ,i stayed with my sister about three months1 until ,i was a little less frightened1 and then went to my sister in ,london4 ,i had to be provided with every article of clothing1 for the habit in which ,i came forth from the convent ,i had worn for about six winters4 ,i was naturally careful and liked to make my 8religious0 dress last a long time4 ,one habit ,i had worn for nine summers1 so really ,i was never an expensive or extravagant nun4 ,at this period1 my thoughts often went out to my first ,mother ,superior at ,feltham2 ,i longed to see her1 but for some time ,i felt afraid to go to her or even to write1 as ,father ,ignatius had said so much about the members of the ,feltham convent being under ,god's curse1 and had made us think that any one who held communication with them would be committing a grave sin4 ,at last1 however1 ,i summoned sufficient courage to write and tell her that ,i had left ,llanthony4 ,she wrote me a most kind letter1 and asked me to go and see her2 this ,i did1 and told her all my ,llanthony experiences4 ,she seemed to take it for granted that ,i was coming back to her1 and even asked me plainly when ,i thought of taking up my abode in the community once more8 ,i told her ,i had never thought of doing so4 ,i must frankly acknowledge that ,i had a very deep affection for this ,mother ,superior1 and ,i did not like to disappoint her1 so ,i arranged to return1 and after being there four days she allowed me to have the novice's veil1 and promised that ,i might take the black veil in six months' time4 ,i must confess that this ,mother1 in comparison with the one at ,llanthony1 was kindness itself4 ,i never found at ,feltham that one sister is permitted to tyrannize over another4 ,after ,i had been there about three months the reaction came4 ,i compared the two convents1 and actually 7with shame ,i say it7 was mad enough to think that because the ,feltham rule was not strict1 therefore the life could not be so perfect6 ,father ,ignatius's sermons now seemed to come back to me word for word1 especially all he had taught me on monastic obedience and the will of ,god4 ,i kept thinking it all over1 and could not banish it from my memory2 ,i felt convinced that it applied to me1 that ,i had sinned by leaving ,llanthony1 and was not doing ,god's will by remaining at ,feltham4 ,i found no rest till ,i had unburdened my mind to the ,feltham ,mother1 and ,i then implored her to allow me to return4 ,she thought it nothing short of infatuation1 and reminded me of what ,i had told her of ,mother ,wereburgh4 ,however1 she left me free to do what ,i thought best1 advising me first to write to my sister1 and to see her before leaving ,feltham4 ,my sister came1 but she could make no impression on me1 and she could not comprehend my conduct4 ,indeed1 ,i must confess ,i could not understand it myself2 for ,i did not want to return1 yet a mysterious something seemed to draw me1 and force me on against my own will4 ,some such experience as this occurred to the ,nun of ,kenmare1 for on page #bi in her 8,autobiography0 ,i read3 8,i was to all appearances a free agent1 and ,i was still young1 ,i had full liberty of choice1 yet ,i felt in some strange way1 as ,i have often felt since1 that ,i had no choice1 that ,i was led or moved or influenced by some exterior power40 ,so was it with me in my infatuation for ,llanthony3 ,i could not help myself2 ,i seemed forced by an invisible yet very real power1 which ,i did not pray against1 and therefore yielded to4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,at ,,llanthony ,,again4 ,,in the month of ,august1 in the year #ahhe1 ,i found my way back to ,llanthony4 ,it was dark when ,i arrived at the monastery1 and on reaching it ,i seemed1 for the first time1 to realize all this return implied1 and ,i now trembled at the thought of going into the convent4 ,i walked round about the building for some time1 and then looked in at the kitchen window4 ,the first sight that came to my view was the ,novice-mistress's face1 and that of ,mother ,ermenild1 whose face and eyes1 seemed swollen with crying4 ,it was now #i o'clock1 and ,i was wondering as to the best course for me to take4 ,i dared not go into the convent1 ,i could not stay outside all night1 and of course ,i did not like to go to the monastery4 ,of these three evils1 ,i chose the latter1 for ,i was not afraid of ,father ,ignatius4 ,he was always very kind to me1 and would not have changed1 had it not been for the influence which the ,mother ,superior exerted over him4 ,to the monastery porch ,i went1 and pulled the bell4 ,a monk1 whose face ,i could not see1 came down1 and ,i asked for ,father ,ignatius4 ,to my surprise1 ,i discovered that it was the reverend ,father himself who was speaking to me4 ,he was very kind1 but told me ,i must go to the convent4 ,i told him ,i was too frightened to go4 ,he then asked me what ,i had come back for1 if ,i was afraid to go to the convent4 ,i told him that ,i had intended to re-enter1 but when the moment came ,i had not the courage4 ,he then took me into the ,church1 giving me the opportunity of telling him why ,i had gone away4 ,he did not give me one word of blame1 except about my going to ,feltham1 and was most kind4 ,he then left me1 and sent the ,novice-mistress to me1 who did not say much2 but the tone of her voice seemed to send a chill through me4 ,the day after1 the reverend ,father again saw me and was very kind1 and told me he had given orders that ,i was to be treated with the greatest kindness4 ,for some few days accordingly ,i was kindly treated1 and soon1 at my own request1 ,i was received as a postulant4 ,i did not object to begin the life again from the lowest step2 in fact1 ,i believed more firmly than ever that 8the nun's life is the very highest and nearest to ,god that any human being can live on earth40 ,it was on a ,sunday that ,i was received back as a postulant4 ,there were several strangers in the ,lady ,chapel1 and a clergyman from ,hereford4 ,on entering the church ,i saw on the altar steps a funeral pall1 and the black altar hangings that are used for the dead4 ,a cold shudder ran through me as ,i wondered what they were there for4 ,at last ,father ,ignatius and his brother monks came in and sang the 8,adoremus in ternum sanctissimum ,sacramentum0 78,let us for ever adore the most holy ,sacrament074 ,ignatius then turned to the grille gates that divide the monks' choir from that of the seculars1 and gave out that before the little ceremony1 which was presently to take place1 it might be advisable to give a little explanation of the cause thereof4 ,he said3 ,our dear little sister has incurred excommunication by holding communication with excommunicated members of our ,order1 i4e41 people who have been cut off from our ,society1 etc41 etc4 ,the gates were then opened1 a cloth was spread1 and ,i was told to prostrate myself upon it4 ,the burial pall was then placed over me1 and some prayers were muttered4 ,on rising1 ,father ,ignatius gave me the blessing1 and the excommunication ,i had incurred was taken off me4 ,i then went through the same postulant's service that ,i had gone through nearly seventeen years before4 ,after this ,father ,ignatius preached a sermon1 in which he highly praised me1 saying that ,i had endured great temptations1 which had caused me to leave the convent1 and that he only wondered ,i had not left before1 but that now ,i wished to return2 and he concluded by saying1 8,we hold out a loving hand to her1 for our dear sister has humbled herself1 and she shall be exalted40 ,after this1 ,i was again admitted into community1 and the ,lady ,prioress was for a time kind to me4 ,on ,september #bith ,i took novice vows again1 and ,father ,ignatius promised me1 if all went well ,i should receive the black veil in six months' time4 ,it was shortly after this that ,ignatius went away on one of his preaching tours1 and directly he had left the ,prioress made me kneel at her feet1 and in her old1 terrible voice inquired whether or not ,i intended to submit to her1 etc41 etc4 ,in wonder and surprise at the sudden storm that was bursting after so long a calm1 ,i replied3 8,yes1 dear ,mother1 indeed ,i do40 ,she haughtily replied1 8,that's a good thing2 now we shall soon see40 ,from that moment she was just as severe as ever in her treatment of me4 ,the more ,i submitted1 the more tyrannical she became4 ,she subjected me to all manner of petty insults and penances1 even in the presence of little children4 ,i soon felt convinced that it was quite useless for me to submit or even to attempt to live in the convent any longer4 ,i could see plainly that she could never forgive me4 ,after a while ,i wrote a note to her1 as ,i was not allowed to speak1 in which1 to the best of my memory1 ,i used the following words3 ,if you will only let me rest in peace until ,father ,ignatius comes back1 ,i will then ask his leave to go1 as ,i am convinced you do not wish me to stay1 and will never be satisfied1 no matter how submissive ,i am4 ,i am convinced also that if you go on treating me with such severity1 ,i shall in reality become a lunatic1 for my mind will not continue long to bear this heavy strain4 ,after this note she left me alone1 and did not again worry me4 ,when ,father ,ignatius came home a few days before ,christmas1 he sent for me on ,christmas ,eve4 ,i went to him and said3 8,dear ,father1 ,i am very sorry1 but ,i cannot live with reverend ,mother4 ,i do not wish to give up serving ,god1 or to break my vows2 and if you will send me to another convent1 ,i will gladly go1 or to ,general ,booth 7,ignatius was a great admirer of the ,salvation ,army74 ,i don't mind where it is so that ,i am under obedience1 and serving ,god40 ,he replied3 8,well1 ,i'll think over the matter1 whether to write to ,mr4 ,booth about you1 or to write to the ,abbess ,bertha1 and to tell her that you are a very dear child of mine1 who has been with me for a great many years1 but that you cannot get on with this reverend ,mother1 and ask her if she will take you under her charge for a time40 ,he spoke most kindly to me about it4 ,i then asked him if ,i might come to ,holy ,communion on the next day 7,christmas ,day71 to which he replied3 8,certainly not40 ,later on he wished me a happy ,christmas1 though he must have known that my heart was nearly breaking with sorrow and disappointment4 ,i asked no more questions about my leaving1 as he had promised to do all he could for me1 and ,i implicitly believed him1 and was content to wait patiently1 asking no questions1 striving to do my duty1 as a sister1 to the best of my ability4 ,one evening1 soon after this interview1 he sent me a note commencing1 8,jesus only40 8,you are10 he wrote1 8to take your habit off to-morrow2 you ought to have done so weeks ago02 and he signed it 8,ignatius1 of ,jesus1 ,abbot40 ,this note surprised me1 for ,i had been patiently waiting his pleasure all this time4 ,next morning there were not any other clothes put into my cell1 so ,i was obliged to put on the nun's dress again2 but in order to show my willingness to obey1 ,i omitted to put on my scapular4 ,when the ,novice-mistress saw me1 she said3 8,go and put on your scapular at once4 ,you ought to be ashamed of yourself1 causing such a scandal in coming out like that40 ,i knelt down and kissed the hem of her holy habit1 and said3 8,mother-mistress1 reverend ,father said0 ,but she would not let me finish the sentence1 and interrupted me by saying3 8,i know quite well what the reverend ,father said2 ,i read the note before you1 and when you are told to take your habit off you will do it1 and not before4 ,go and put your scapular on40 ,i obeyed in silence1 and ,i now knew ,i should have to undergo a public scene4 ,at #ab the bell for a visit to the blessed ,sacrament tolled out1 after the 8,angelus0 was sung in ,welsh4 ,nuns1 monks1 boys and girls1 and seculars1 were all present in the ,llanthony ,church4 ,then ,ignatius spoke3 8,sister ,agnes1 come down to the grating40 ,in fear and trembling ,sister ,agnes obeyed4 ,then1 in a sepulchral voice1 ,ignatius said3 8,as in the days of old1 after great long-suffering and forbearance of our loving ,god1 ,his patience at last came to an end with ,his people1 so at last1 after great patience and forbearance on the part of her ,superiors1 they must ask ,sister ,agnes to take off her veil and habit1 and lay them on the altar steps40 ,i felt this so acutely1 that ,i sobbed aloud3 8,will you please forgive me1 dear ,father1 for all and whatever ,i have done wrong40 ,after which1 in the presence of all1 ,i took off my veil1 and laid myself down on the altar steps4 ,when ,i had become somewhat calm1 ,i realized that a trick had been played on me1 and that my ,superiors had made me pass through this ordeal in order to make others believe that ,i had been1 so to speak1 suddenly cut off by the will of my ,superior1 and not by my own free will4 ,in reality1 ,i had quite of my own free will been waiting for ,ignatius's sanction1 and the result of his letters to ,mrs4 ,booth and the ,abbess ,bertha4 ,during the above scene ,i reminded ,ignatius of his promise to write to the ,abbess ,bertha1 but he replied3 8,yes1 but that was before ,i knew you were not converted1--when ,i thought you were a child of ,god40 ,now ,i thought ,i had been converted some fourteen years ago1 when ,i was made to realize so fully that ,jesus ,christ was my personal ,saviour1 and had determined1 so far as ,i had light1 8to show forth the praises of ,him who had called me out of darkness into ,his marvellous light40 ,surely1 ,i thought1 had ,i not been converted1 ,i could never have endured all that ,i had suffered during those long years of misery6 ,and had not ,ignatius taught me that ,i could best glorify ,him who had washed me from my sins in ,his precious blood by being a true nun8 ,then ,i believed that this was the best way of glorifying ,god2 but now ,i know that ,i was under a great delusion4 ,this scene took place on a ,saturday4 ,on ,sunday ,ignatius told me ,i must leave the convent before #g a4m4 on the following morning1 giving to the reverend ,mother orders to give me #b1 and to supply me with all necessary clothing4 ,i sent this message back3 8,i do not need anything at all2 but will the reverend ,mother please let me have the box of clothes ,i brought back with me40 ,after some hours the box was sent to me with my clothes all turned about1 and with the following message3 8,the reverend ,mother was obliged to look over your clothes1 to see what you wanted40 ,i found that she had put two old table napkins full of holes1 in the box1 two old towels full of darns1 and two coarse tea cloths 7which treasures ,i keep to this day71 a petticoat2 and besides these she gave me permission to keep a new habit4 ,i examined closely the contents of my box1 and found that a dictionary1 a quantity of fine linen and other things had been taken from it4 ,i asked her for the linen1 saying that ,i had bought it with money my brother had given me before ,i returned4 ,she sent back this message3 8,tell her ,i have taken nothing but what belongs to me40 ,i imagined she meant that as ,i had taken the vow of poverty1 she had a right to give or retain whatever she liked4 ,after ,i had taken my departure1 ,i wrote for my things1 but ,i never received an answer4 ,this was the second time ,i had left convent life1 which had so often been described to me as 8angelic40 ,i had endured quite enough of its misery4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,apparitions ,,and ,,miracles4 ,it will be as well1 before making the very few remarks ,i am able to give on the alleged 8apparitions at ,llanthony10 that ,i should give my readers a few extracts from ,father ,ignatius's oration on the subject1 which was delivered on ,tuesday evening1 ,may #eth1 #ahhe1 at1 as far as ,i recollect1 ,westminster ,town ,hall4 ,this oration was based professedly on ,hebrews xii4 #a3 8,wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses10 etc4 ,it would appear from this oration that ,ignatius looks upon the alleged supernatural events at ,llanthony as affording witness to the truth of nineteenth century ,christianity4 ,let ,ignatius tell his own story3 ,apparition #a4--,on ,monday1 the #cjth of ,august1 #ahhj1 ,brother ,dunstan went as usual1 at #i o'clock1 into the church to take his watch before the blessed ,sacrament4 ,he was kneeling about twenty feet from the altar4 ,at the south side of the altar there is a large window1 which was not then filled with stained glass1 and consequently a bright light shone upon the altar4 ,the brother who left the watch had no communication with the sister who next came in to take her watch4 ,she 7,sister ,janet7 had been a schoolmistress in the neighbourhood for many years1 and was now an associate of our ,order4 ,the brother had been half an hour at his watch1 when he raised his eyes and saw1 in front of the tabernacle1 a kind of blue mist playing4 ,as he looked at the mist1 he thought that his eyes must be affected1 and he rubbed them1 thinking it was an illusion2 but as he still looked1 the mist thickened and densified1 until he saw the ,monstrance1 or silver vessel which contained the ,host1 within the tabernacle glimmering in the mist1 outside the massive door of the tabernacle1 which was locked4 ,this door is of iron1 nearly an inch thick4 ,the key was in my cell1 which ,i had not left that morning because ,i had been very unwell1 and had had a good deal of writing to do4 ,the mist gradually cleared away1 and then the sacred vessel containing the ,host was plain before the brother's eyes1 and the sunlight in the window flashed upon it4 ,he saw this for half an hour1 and1 on leaving his watch1 still looked upon the vision as he went out4 ,sister ,janet then came in to take her watch1 and knelt down1 as usual1 at the screen in the outer church4 ,when she looked at the altar1 she saw the same appearance2 but she did not dream of its being supernatural2 she imagined only that the blessed ,sacrament was exposed for some reason or other2 but she was much astonished to find that the ,host was exposed without the usual signs of reverence and devotion which we always render when we have our three expositions in the year4 ,we only have the ,host exposed three times a year1 and they are very solemn occasions2 and we pay our ,lord a great deal of honour during those days4 ,on this occasion there was no light burning1 there were no flowers1 and the sister was consequently much astonished1 knowing how particular we are in these matters of detail and reverence4 ,directly her watch was over at #aa o'clock she went to the monastery porch1 rang the bell1 and asked to see the brother who had taken the watch before her4 ,when he came to the grating1 she said3 8,why has the reverend ,father left the blessed ,sacrament out80 ,when she had explained precisely what she had seen1 and ,brother ,dunstan knew that the tabernacle had not been opened1 he at once came to my cell to tell me what had happened4 ,i suggested that we should go to the church4 ,when we went in1 the apparition had disappeared4 ,apparition #b4--;,in the evening 7of the same day7 after vespers1 the choir-boys were in the meadow playing4 ,all at once the noise of the game was stopped1 and in a very short time one of the boys came running up to my cell1 soon followed by others1 saying3 8,father1 we have seen such a beautiful spirit in the meadow40 ,the eldest boy1 who was fifteen years old1 said he was certain that what they had seen was the blessed ,virgin ,mary--quite certain4 ,he said that first of all1 as he was waiting for his turn to run in the game1 he was looking towards an old ruined hut1 where there had been a farm-house1 and he saw a bright light over the hedge and the figure of a woman1 with hands upraised as if in blessing1 and with a veil over her face1 coming to him4 ,he stood still1 and was much astonished and alarmed4 ,the figure came almost at right angles to him1 and then she passed close enough even for him to see the material of the garments that she wore4 ,the figure passed off at right angles1 and stood in a bright light in a bush about fifty feet from the boy4 ,the bush was all illumined with phosphorescent light4 ,the figure passed through the bush1 and the light was there for some little time after the form had disappeared4 ,the rest of the boys saw and described the same appearance4 ,i had all the boys in the church1 where ,i spoke solemnly to them1 separately1 and heard what they had to say4 ,i told them what an unlikely story it was1 and that no one would believe them2 and ,i asked them what could have put it into their heads to think such a thing4 ,but they still maintained that what they had said was true4 ,we watched ,tuesday1 ,wednesday1 ,thursday1 and ,friday evenings after that4 ,unfortunately ,i had to leave ,llanthony on the ,saturday1 being under a promise to take the duty for a clergyman in the diocese of ,exeter1 where we had a convent at that time2 but ,i left strict orders that the brothers and boys should watch every night at the same time1 about eight o'clock1 and then write to me1 telling of any experience they might have4 ,on ,saturday night1 ,sept4 #dth1 the boys were out playing as usual1 when1 all at once1 the same bush became illuminated with a very bright light4 ,one boy called out1 8,the bush is on fire again60 ,for some time they watched the light2 then they ran to the monastery to call out an elder brother4 ,in the meantime a junior brother had come out1 had knelt down in the meadow before the illuminated bush1 and had begun to say prayers and hymns4 ,the boys were indignant because he was saying collects and hymns that had no relation to what they considered the vision to be1 and they said3 8,do not say those prayers1 but say a #8,hail1 ,mary'2 for we are certain it was the blessed ,virgin4 ,if we do1 our ,lord will perhaps let the vision appear again40 ,while they were discussing1 the senior brother came up1 and he agreed that they should begin to sing 8,ave1 ,maria40 ,that instant the figure flashed again1 in a cloud of light1 in the same place where the first boy had seen it on the ,monday4 ,as they sang1 the figure sent out rays of light1 sometimes appearing behind and sometimes in front of the hedge1 and sometimes coming straight towards the illuminated bush4 ,when they said the words in the 8,hail1 ,mary10 8,blessed is the fruit of thy womb--,jesus10 they saw a second figure as of a man1 with only a cloth round his loins1 appearing in the light1 with his hands stretched out4 ,father ,ignatius returned from ,devonshire to ,llanthony on ,tuesday1 ,september the #adth1 and on that night1 he says1 8we watched1 but saw nothing40 ,but1 in the words of the oration1 ,ignatius thus describes the scenes of the following night3 ,on the #aeth of ,september1 between eight and a quarter-past eight1 we watched again4 ,it was a very close1 muggy evening4 ,there was a heavy ,scotch mist descending1 and the mountains were looking very dull and the sky leaden4 ,it was so damp that we did not go into the meadow2 but ,sister ,janet1 who was not allowed to come to the monastery door where we were standing1 went into the meadow4 ,we were in the monastery porch4 ,the boys were standing on the front steps2 ,i was standing on the top step2 one brother was at my left1 and another brother on my right4 ,two farmers were behind in the back of the porch2 and a gentleman visitor--an undergraduate of ,keble ,college1 ,oxford1 now in ,holy ,orders--was a little behind me to the right4 ,i suggested that we should sing three 8,hail1 ,mary's10 in honour of each person of the blessed ,trinity4 ,we began a 8,hail1 ,mary0 in honour of ,god the ,father4#ba ,between the 8,hail1 ,mary's10 we1 all of us1 expressed our amazement at some very curious flashings of light1 which we saw in all directions in the meadow1 like the outlines of figures4 ,that was the impression ,i had4''' ,i then said1 8,let us sing a #8,hail1 ,mary1' in honour of the blessed ,virgin herself20 and we began to chant the fourth 8,hail1 ,mary40 ,directly we began to do so ,i saw a great circle of light flash out over the whole heavens1 taking in the mountains1 the trees1 the ruined house1 the enclosure1 the monastery1 the gates and everything2 the light flashed upon our feet1 upon the steps1 and upon the buildings2 and from that one great circle of light1 small circles bulged out1 and1 in the centre of the circles1 stood a gigantic figure of a human being1 with hands uplifted1 standing sideways4 ,in the distance this gigantic figure appeared to be about sixty feet in height2 but as it descended it took the ordinary size of a human being4 ,at the moment it struck me that a dark appearance over the head of the figure was hair1 not a veil2 but ,i am convinced from comparing notes with the others1 and also from other reasons1 that it was a veil which ,i saw over the head4 ,ignatius1 after mentioning that the two brothers1 and ,sister ,janet had seen the same vision 7he does not mention whether the farmers saw it71 said3 8,from that time no further visions appeared40 ,two important reasons ,ignatius then gave for 8our ,lord0 giving these apparitions4 #a4 8,for the good of the ,church of ,england40 #b4 8,for the comfort of those in the outer world40 ,father ,ignatius1 in his oration1 gave an account of his sending1 a few days after this memorable apparition1 to each of his nuns at ,slapton1 in ,devonshire1 8pieces of a wild rhubarb leaf1 which had stood up dark against the dazzling garments of the apparition1 as it appeared in the bush40#bb ,he then went on to describe how a certain nun at ,slapton1 8a middle-aged lady10 who had been a cripple for thirty-eight years1 was healed by applying the said charm to her diseased limb4 ,i will give you his own account of this supposed miracle4 ,on ,tuesday1 ,sept4 #bast1 #ahhj1 just seven days after the last apparition had been seen1 she was quivering from head to foot with pain4 ,she was going to lie down without lifting her diseased limb with the other limb on the bed1 when something told her to use the leaf1 which she had put1 wrapped up in an envelope1 in her pocket4 ,she took the leaf out4 ,she took the rosary and said ten 8,hail1 ,mary's02 and1 at the end of the 8,hail1 ,mary's10 she took the piece of leaf and laid it upon these painful abscesses4 ,the very instant the piece of withered leaf was laid upon the abscesses they closed up and the discharge ceased2 her knee was loosened at the joint1 her foot was on the ground1 and she was cured instantaneously4 ,the next morning she told and showed the reverend ,mother and her sister nuns the miraculous wonder of ,god's infinite goodness towards her2 and the news quickly spread in the village4 ,the vicar of the parish came to the convent1 and the village people rang the village bells1 for they were very fond of the nuns2 and1 in a day or two1 there was a service of thanksgiving in the ,priory ,chapel1 for the miracle that ,god had wrought4 ,there was also an account in the local papers of what had taken place4 ,father ,ignatius then mentions other miracles of healing that were1 he affirms1 wrought by the use of the withered rhubarb leaf4 ,the following words may be interesting to some of my readers2 they appear at the close of the oration3 ,to sum up1 then3 ,a solemn1 public testimony has now been given to a most startling1 supernatural phenomena1 in a ,church of ,england monastery1 in the midst of this unbelieving1 materialistic age4 ,by these phenomena the mysteries of ,christianity have been solemnly confirmed2 and the ,word of ,god has received one more 8,so be it40 ,the ,church of ,england has been supernaturally recognised as a true portion of the ,catholic ,church1 and her ,sacraments acknowledged by a miracle4 ,the monastic revival1 long persecuted#bc because of the two special points above alluded to1 viz41 the restoration of the reserved ,sacrament1 and the cultus of the mother of our ,lord1 have now received a sanction from on ,high1 by these marvellous manifestations4 ,english ,churchmen have received from ,god a special approval for their ancient ,church1 in spite of her sadly isolated position4 ,having thus given1 in ,father ,ignatius's own words1 an account of the alleged apparitions and miracles1 ,i feel sure many will naturally ask me for my opinion of them4 ,my opinion is simply this3 ,i believe something was seen which ,ignatius really did believe to be supernatural1 but which appearance ,i firmly believe to have been nothing more or less than a practical joke performed by a certain young man1 who never intended it to be taken for anything supernatural1 in the serious manner with which it was taken4 ,with regard to the vision of the 8,sacred ,host10 ,i simply do not believe it at all4 ,i believe that one of them imagined it1 and told the other about it in some way1 and that that other was only too ready to believe it4 ,this is my firm conviction about the matter1 and ,i hope that as ,i am no longer a nun ,i have not only the right to have an opinion of my own1 but also a right to express it4 ,during my sojourn at ,llanthony1 ,i never saw anything supernatural1 although there were some who ofttimes tried to work my mind up to such a state1 that it was with difficulty something of the kind was not forced upon my heated imagination4 ,i recollect a somewhat ridiculous circumstance in this direction1 that occurred on the 8eve0 of the 8anniversary of the apparition of our ,lady of ,llanthony40 ,we were watching the procession of the ,shrine1 and its accompanying and subsequent rites1 when suddenly the reverend ,mother exclaimed3 8,i see something2 it's moving60 8,where80 ,i asked1 8for ,i cannot see anything40 ,the ,mother then pointed to the 8,abbot's ,meadow40 ,there was something moving slowly1 and ,i watched for a few moments1 and then said3 8,why1 it is the cow1 with patches of white on her40 ,and so it was1 as she was obliged to acknowledge4 ,this ,mother ,i believe often professed to see visions1 and dream supernatural dreams2 and ,i might have thought that ,i saw visions1 but being somewhat of an inquiring and matter-of-fact turn of mind1 ,i preferred to be very cautious1 and carefully sifted everything that had any appearance of the miraculous about it4 ,for instance1 ,i was once kneeling at the prayer-desk before the 8altar10 supposing myself to be quite alone in the church2 when ,i suddenly saw the curtains at the back of the 8altar0 gently moving for some time1 and ,i wondered what this movement could mean4 ,then all was all quiet again1 and ,i resumed my devotions1 thinking that possibly ,i had only fancied it4 ,suddenly1 behind the flowers and candlesticks1 ,i beheld a face1 and ,i began to tremble1 and feared even to look up again2 but at last ,i did so1 and ,i beheld the reverend ,mother1 who was1 ,i believe1 engaged in dusting4 ,now if ,i had been half asleep1 ,i might easily have imagined ,i had seen a vision of a departed saint2 and ,i think the semi-darkness in which the sanctuary was enveloped1 together with the soft rays of the ever-burning sanctuary lamp1 can with little difficulty lead the devotee to imagine the supernatural1 especially as we were always taught that on the 8altar10 that miracle of miracles1 or rather that imposture of impostures1 took place in the transubstantiation of the bread and wine1 into the body1 blood1 soul1 and divinity of the ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,but to return to the apparitions1 an account of which ,i have already given1 and about which ,i have stated shortly my opinion4 ,i was at ,slapton1 in ,devonshire1 at the time they took place1 and therefore ,i only heard what the boys had told ,father ,ignatius4 ,he asked us all3 8,do you believe them80 ,the other nuns said1 8,yes40 ,father ,ignatius then said3 8,do you believe them1 ,sister ,agnes80 ,i replied1 8,no1 dear ,father1 of course ,i don't4 ,i never believe anything the boys say40 ,i had a particular dislike to the monastery boys1 and ,i had often heard from the reverend ,father what lying boys some of these very ones were1 and as to he scarcely ever spoke the truth4 ,then1 as to poor ,sister ,janet1 she was certainly very eccentric and peculiar1 and when any one injured her she usually threatened to 8call up the ghost0 of her dead father4 ,she once thus threatened a man1 and a priest1 knowing of it1 disguised himself1 and frightened the poor man so much1 that he refused to go back to the hut where he lived4 ,apart from this she had her good points1 and was ,father ,ignatius's devoted slave4 ,as you will have noticed1 the reverend ,father was at ,slapton ,convent during most of the time when the said apparitions took place1 and he heard of the visions through the letters of the brother at ,llanthony1 and ,i believe he was the only brother at ,llanthony at the time1 and he was but a novice-monk4 ,father ,ignatius read the letters to us1 and ,i hardly knew what to make of the matter2 but at last the reverend ,father returned and saw for himself the most marvellous and glorious vision1 after which ,i very naturally--considering my state of mind at that period of my life--thought it must be true1 which in a sense was fortunate for me1 for on his next visit he again asked me if ,i believed in it1 and ,i remember well ,i replied3 8,yes1 certainly1 dear ,father1 ,i do not doubt your word40 ,he then told us that he was determined that no one should stay in monastery or convent who did not believe in it4 ,and now a word or two about the story of the 8middle-aged lady10 otherwise the ,novice-mistress1 the account of whose miraculous cure ,i have already given in the words of ,father ,ignatius4 ,to begin with1 that account differs somewhat from the one ,i can give2 but as ,i am matter-of-fact in my statements1 ,i think it best to give the facts as ,i know them1 for ,i was one of the ,slapton nuns at the time4 ,yes1 ,i was a nun then1 although life-vows had not been pronounced by me2 ,i was what is termed a 8life-vowed novice10 that is1 in making my vows ,i made them 8until the time of my profession40 ,but ,i have in a previous part of this book explained that novice-vows were to all intents and purposes well nigh as binding as those made in full profession4 ,i merely give this explanation to show you the position ,i was in at that period when at ,slapton4 ,father ,ignatius1 in his oration on the apparitions speaks of me as a nun1 for1 in touching upon the healing of the ,novice-mistress in the ,slapton ,convent1 he said3 8,next she told and showed her sister nuns the miraculous wonder02 i4e41 the withered rhubarb leaf4 ,now1 as a matter of fact1 she neither told the nuns1 nor showed to them this great wonder2 she may have showed and told the ,mother ,prioress1 but no one else4 ,the ,vicar of ,slapton came to celebrate1 and spoke of the wondrous miracle which had taken place in our midst4 7,i believe this was on a ,saturday1 and the miracle of healing had taken place on the previous ,tuesday47 ,now1 certainly we had been more or less with her all this time1 and yet we knew nothing about it2 so when the ,slapton ,vicar gave his address1 ,i was very puzzled to know what he meant4 ,when the celebration was over1 and we had come out of the ,chapel1 ,i asked3 8,what did the ,vicar mean80 and ,i said to the ,mother1 8,have you really been cured ,mother mistress80 7,it was then that ,i discovered that only the ,mother ,prioress knew of it47 8,yes2 have you not noticed it10 she replied4 ,i had to confess that ,i had not noticed it1 and1 what is more1 ,i never did1 for she still limped1 and still does4 ,in fact1 ,i once said1 8,mother mistress1 is it not strange that our ,lady did not quite cure you8 ,it would have been so much nicer if she had60 ,she replied1 8,yes1 but ,i must be grateful for what she has done40 ,now ,i really did then believe she had done something1 but what it really was ,i could not make out1 as ,i saw no difference in her whatever4 ,in fact1 many times have ,i seen the poor nun flushed with pain at the exertion of moving4 ,most probably the abscess had run its course and closed naturally just about the time when the rhubarb leaf arrived2 and as to the raising of the limb which she had been unable to do for thirty-eight years1 we all know how easy it is for some persons to imagine almost anything4 ,but all ,i have to say is1 she was about the same when ,i last saw her as when ,i first saw her2 and if any one went to see her1 they would see for themselves that she still limps4 ,while she was a novice1 she had a bad attack1 after which a crutch was procured for her1 which she used once or twice1 and then went back to her old stick2 but both crutch and stick had been given up long before the apparitions1 though occasionally she would take the stick to go up the hill with1 to the summer-house 7and ,i often wished ,i had one1 for it was a tiring climb74 ,nevertheless the stick and the crutch are now laid at the 8,shrine of our ,lady of ,llanthony0 as 8memorials of ,god's wonders60 ,i remember how ,i have looked at this stick and crutch1 and thoughts passed through my mind which ,i need not mention4 ,since ,i finally left the convent1 ,i have been told that a certain young man acknowledged to a priest that he had enacted the whole of the apparition with a magic lantern1 and that the priest had written to ,father ,ignatius1 advising him not to say anything more on the subject1 or else he would make known how the whole thing came about1 or words to this effect4 ,probably the young man was the railway clerk1 who witnessed the boys' excitement on the subject1 for nowhere do you hear of his having seen the apparition himself4 ,doubtless he was too busy amusing the others4 ,now ,i do not say positively the apparitions were produced by a magic lantern1 but ,i was told so1 and ,i think this is the general opinion4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,liberty4 ,i cannot but add a chapter in which ,i shall especially endeavour to give a word of counsel and warning to all who may in any degree be looking upon convent life1 whether in the ,church of ,england or in the ,church of ,rome1 with a favourable eye4 ,i may say sincerely this book has been written with this object4 ,and if1 in doing what seemed to me so bounden a duty1 ,i have hurt the feelings of any who are mentioned in its pages1 it was not with the object of doing so that ,i was led to speak out the truth4 ,my prayer for them is that they may be brought out into the same liberty that ,i1 through ,god's infinite mercy1 am now in the enjoyment of4 ,i can truthfully say that in doing this ,i have fully counted the cost1 and it has already cost me no small amount of pain4 ,i have spoken the truth1 and ,i have endeavoured to do so in no vindictive manner1 but in love4 ,distinctly this book has been written to warn all against making the terrible mistake in life that ,i made4 ,had ,i but listened to and obeyed my mother1 her advice would have saved me from wasting 7,i can use no other word1 though ,god will doubtless overrule this mistake for my own good1 and for the good of others7 the best and youngest years of my life1 and have prevented me from enduring years of mental suffering and misery4 ,but when ,i went astray on the path that seemed so attractive and pleasant1 ,i was very young2 ,i was but fifteen years of age1 and like1 ,i fear1 so many young and inexperienced people1 ,i was foolish1 self-willed1 and fancied that ,i was better able to judge for myself than others were to judge for me4 ,and so ,i was led to deliver myself over to the tender mercies of ,high ,church ,fathers and ,mothers4 ,i was simply bewitched by their 8fair speeches10 high professions of sanctity1 and solemn assurances of the happiness belonging to the cloistered life4 ,when ,i think of such 8false prophets10 ,i am forcibly reminded of the words we read in #b ,timothy iii4 #f3 ,of these are they that creep into houses1 and take captive silly women1 laden with sins1 led away by divers lusts1 ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth4 ,i was led by ,ignatius to believe that by my action ,i was doing ,god's will1 and that by leaving my home and relations ,i was but obeying the command of ,christ to 8leave all and follow ,him40 ,was there ever such an absurdity as this8 ,i was not called to go on a mission to the teeming millions living in heathen darkness1 and take to them the ,gospel of ,god's grace2 nor yet to work amongst the heathen in our own large towns2 but positively to make myself a prisoner in one particular house1 to be shut up where ,i could engage in no ,christian or even philanthropic labour1 and in such an isolated position ,i was told over and over again that ,i could live the highest1 the holiest1 and the happiest life on earth1 and withal1 bring down to the world around me blessings and health through the merits of 8holy obedience40 ,i was taught that ,i could bless1 and be made a blessing to others1 by 8telling the beads10 8invoking the saints10 8confessing sins to man10 by 8hearing mass10 and by 8reciting various offices40 ,what incredible folly6 ,on looking back1 ,i find how great was my delusion1 and ,i do heartily trust that my experience of this folly may be the means of saving girls and boys1 men and women1 from wasting so much precious and ,god-given time1 which it was my sad lot to lose4 ,i sowed the seed of blind enthusiasm1 and reaped the harvest of untold misery1 and blighted hopes4 ,all the high-flown promises 7which ,i so greedily swallowed7 of the joy1 the glory1 the peace1 the happiness of the nun's life1 are false promises and vain delusions4 ,certainly at one of the three convents in which ,i resided it was 7as some of the sisters have said7 8like living in a bear-garden40 ,i do from the depths of my heart thank ,god for delivering me out of the 8bear-garden10 and ,i pray that ,he will deliver others1 and give them courage to 8come out40 ,it needs some courage to enter1 but a hundred times as much to leave4 ,i fear in many convents1 humanly speaking1 it is1 after full profession1 almost an impossibility to do so1 for1 as ,i have said1 the moral bolts and bars are even more difficult to break through than the material ones2 and these latter are1 especially in ,roman ,catholic convents1 not few or easily to be broken through4 ,during all the years spent by me in nunneries ,i cannot look back to one sister1 and say ,i know she is happy1 that she has found true peace and satisfaction2 but ,i can recollect the many who were disappointed at finding the life so utterly different from what they had been led to expect4 ,alas6 alas6 ,when once we have taken up the 8golden plough10 there is virtually no 8looking back40 ,when once we have made our choice1 we must abide by it4 ,many ,i know bitterly regret that they ever put their hands to this golden or1 rather1 this gilded plough4 ,if nuns were only free1 and not conscience-bound1 they would tell the self-same1 true story which ,i do4 ,but alas6 they dare not speak1 they even scarcely dare to think for themselves4 ,their reason has been given up to their ,superiors 7do remember this71 and they have no right to think anything but what their ,superiors think4 ,it is not your place to think1 but to obey4 ,these words were often spoken to us4 ,and again3 ,a nun is always sure of doing ,god's will1 because her ,superior's voice is ,god's voice to her1 and even should ,i1 your ,superior1 tell you to tell a lie 7which of course ,i should not71 you would be committing the sin of disobedience if you did not do as you were told4 ,i recollect well that a certain dear young sister was told to tell what she believed to be a lie4 ,she was in great distress about it1 and went to the ,mother ,superior we then had1 telling her that she did not know what to do1 as she must either commit the sin of lying or of disobedience4 ,when a monk or nun is under vows1 such a man or a woman is but a tool to be used as the owner of that tool sees fit4 ,individuality is sunk in the order in which such vows have been made4 ,practically1 men and women under vows 7and it matters not whether these vows are made in the established ,church of ,england or in the alien ,church of ,rome7 are dead--dead to the world1 dead to father1 mother1 sisters1 brothers and friends2 above all1 dead to the 8still small voice0 of an enlightened conscience which once had power to speak4 ,yes1 they are dead in another sense of the word1 for have they not1 knowingly or unknowingly1 committed an act of moral suicide8 ,they are no longer responsible beings4 ,they have given up their souls1 their bodies1 their wills1 their consciences and reason itself into the hands of their ,superiors1 who from the moment those terrible vows are taken are to them in the place of ,god2 and whatever command the ,superior gives1 that must they obey without question and blindly4 ,and should one ,superior give a sister over into the hands of another 7as was the case with me71 then that one must be obeyed with the same blind obedience4 ,we were taught by the ,superior3 ,if the order given is sinful1 that is my sin1 and you are not responsible2 but you would be guilty of greater sin in not obeying1 because it would be the sin of disobedience1 and ,god hates that sin more than any other1 because it was the sin that brought death into the world1 and it will bring death to your soul4 ,such being the case1 we may define a nunnery as a place where slaves drag on a weary existence day and night4 ,whilst the slave-owners do their own sweet wills1 we1 their slaves1 must idolatrously bow down to them1 kiss the hems of their holy garments1 and obey without a murmur4 ,murmuring at our condition is most strictly forbidden4 ,indeed1 should the relatives or friends of a poor nun go to the convent and there hold converse with her1 that conversation must be held only through a grating1 and 7in our case1 at any rate7 the nun must have her face closely veiled4 ,and even then it would not be possible to lodge a complaint with one's relative or friend1 or even with one's own mother1 since another nun is usually sent to listen4 ,thus it is that we were often forced to appear perfectly happy1 when1 in truth1 we were just the opposite4 ,i have had thus to appear when speaking to my own sister2 my heart at that time was well nigh breaking4 ,but should a nun complain1 the training she has gone through would cause her to be very distressed in mind at having been unfaithful enough to bring scandal upon the so-called 8religious life10 and she would feel bound to confess it at once to her ,mother ,superior4 ,i should have written this account of my experiences of convent life some two years ago1 had ,i not then feared that by doing so ,i should be doing more harm than good1 by exposing to the outside world what a farce and sham some who make so much profession are1 to say nothing of what a farce the whole system is4 ,but1 little by little1 ,i have become more free from the chains which held me1 and ,i now trust that this book will do more good than harm by saving others from being led away by the power of ,satan1 for ,i believe it to be through ,satanic influence that this system exists4 ,i sincerely hope that this book will be read in the spirit in which it is written1 and that thus it will be the means of saving many parents from heart-breaking separations from their beloved children4 ,i would ask those who are not believers in ,christianity not to use it in order to bolster themselves up in their atheistical views1 or to see in it a proof of the fallacy of true religion4 ,although ,i have given up convent religion1 yet ,i am a firm believer in ,god4 ,i believe that the ,lord ,jesus ,christ died and rose again to atone for and save ,his people from their sins1 that the ,holy ,spirit can and does give to all who believe in ,christ a new and a clean heart1 and grace to walk in the footsteps of the ,saviour4 ,however misguided ,i was when ,i entered in my convent life1 yet ,i was induced to do so because ,i had a deep love to my ,saviour1 and thought ,i could not in a better way prove my love and increase it4 ,but who can be surprised at a young girl being deluded and led astray when 8false prophets0 arise1 who profess so much holiness and so great and exact a knowledge of ,god's will8 ,many there are1 like myself1 who have been misdirected and deceived by ritual1 candles1 flowers1 incense1 gorgeous vestments1 genuflexions1 sentimental music and sermons1 and ,i know not what other nonsense4 ,i was seeking ,jesus4 ,i asked for bread1 but ,i was given a stone4 ,for a time the excitement arising from convent life made me think ,i had found what ,i sought1 but it was a vain delusion1 as ,i found to my cost4 ,there are in ,english convents to-day many unhappy souls1 groping in the dark4 ,are we to let them share my fate1 and that of others1 which may be worse8 ,nay1 rather let us use our pens and voices to awaken and enlighten the men and women of ,england as to the truth4 ,others have exposed conventual life as it exists in the ,roman ,catholic ,church2 but still the people of ,england can scarcely be alive to the fearfully rapid increase in the number of such convents1#bd or of the degrading and un-,english and un-,christian nature of the life of a nun therein4 ,it is not my lot to expose ,roman ,catholic convents2 the discoveries ,i have made have been made in connection with the ,church of ,england1 which1 alas1 through the fearful growth of ,ritualism1 is becoming a recruiting ground for ,rome4 ,my opinion may not be worth much1 but ,i hold the strong conviction that unless ,protestants make a great stir1 and unless the bishops of the ,church set the example1 ,england1 at no very distant period1 will be ,romanized4 ,i can point to more than two or three convents in connection with the ,established ,church where not only ,roman ,catholic books are in constant use1 but where the ,roman ,catholic ,ordinary of the ,mass is used1 instead of our own ,protestant ,communion ,service2 and1 worse than all perhaps1 ,i know the ,mass was on several occasions celebrated by a ,roman ,catholic priest in a ,church of ,england convent66 ,when ,i came out of convent life and mixed with ,christian people1 ,i discovered that the most earnest workers were those who were in the enjoyment of peace4 ,they were living in the sunlight of ,god's love2 they were1 so to speak1 good without knowing it1 they had no time to be always thinking of themselves1 but they were ever looking to ,god4 ,now1 in the convent it had been far otherwise2 we had been taught by man to try with all our might to be good according to set rules1 and ceremonies1 and methods handed down to us by ,roman ,catholic saints1 or so-called ,fathers of the ,church1 and to be continually examining and fingering our spiritual muscles to see how we were getting on in the spiritual life4 ,in consequence of such a method1 there was constant failure1 as there ever will be under such a system4 ,i feel ,i have much to be thankful for that ,god should have led me to see my mistake in life4 ,it was ,his work1 for1 in spite of the treatment ,i received1 ,i still clung to the convent life4 ,my motive for leaving it was mainly to get away from being misunderstood and misrepresented1 and from the endurance of cruel penances4 ,but since then my eyes have been further opened1 so that ,i now totally disagree with the whole system1 and ,i thank ,god for having so providentially taken me by the hand4 ,he and ,he alone has delivered me from so many ,satanic delusions1 and ,he and ,he alone has made known to me the 8truth as it is in ,jesus10 and not in ,romish rites and ceremonies4 ,i can and do indeed rejoice in the liberty wherewith ,christ has made me free2 ,i am free to serve ,him 8without fear10 and ,i am free to let my light shine that others may learn thereby to glorify my heavenly ,father4 ,i thank ,him especially for not letting me remain in the convent any longer1 wasting time and precious opportunities of doing good and helping others4 ,and ,i do pray that ,he will ever keep me in a listening and waiting attitude of mind upon ,himself1 so that ,i may 8hear what the ,lord will speak3 for ,he will speak peace unto ,his people1 and to ,his saints40 ,and may ,he so speak to me that ,i may never 8turn again to folly40 ,that ,god may use these poor efforts of mine to open the eyes of many1 is the prayer of her who1 with the man whose eyes the ,lord once opened1 can say1 8,once ,i was blind1 now ,i see40 ,,devotional ,,books ,,used ,,by ,,sister ,,mary ,,agnes1 ,o4,s4,b4 ,,appendix ,a4 8,,manual ,,of ,,devotions ,,to ,,our ,,holy ,,father1 ,,st4 ,,benedict1 ,,abbot ,,and ,,patriarch ,,of ,,the ,,western ,,monks2 ,,to ,,his ,,sister1 ,,st4 ,,scholastica1 ,,virgin ,,and ,,abbess2 ,,and ,,to ,,all ,,saints ,,of ,,his ,,order40 7,london3 ,catholic ,publishing and ,bookselling ,co4 ,limited47 ,father ,ignatius calls himself a ,benedictine monk1 and his nuns belong to the same order4 ,one would have supposed that though he imitated ,rome in the worship of the wafer and of the ,virgin1 he would still have hesitated to go the full length of ,romish superstition by obliging his nuns to put their trust in such questionable characters as ,gregory ,,vii41 ,thomas ,becket1 etc4 ,yet on page #ahe of the above book they are required to ask ,gregory ,,vii4 to pray for them1 and on the following page ,thomas ,becket is invoked in the same manner4 ,who and what these two ,romish saints were1 truthful ,english history abundantly proves4 ,as the title of the book shows1 it is intended to foster devotion to ,st4 ,benedict1 to his sister ,scholastica1 and to all the other canonized saints of the ,benedictine ,order4 ,now1 who canonized these supposed saints8 ,was it not ,rome8 ,the first part is entirely devoted to the honouring and invoking of ,st4 ,benedict4 ,throughout this part we frequently meet with the verse1 8,pray for us1 ,o holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict40 ,there are also a number of litanies1 in which he is called upon as being now 8placed over the choirs of monks10 as 8the star of the world10 as 8the equal of the prophets10 as 8protector of his order10 as 8the scourge of devils10 as the 8,abraham of the ,new ,testament10 and is entreated with the cry1 8,we beseech thee to hear us40 ,on page #dg the following invocation occurs3 8,beseeching thee 7holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict7 to be so faithfully present to me at the hour of my death1 as to oppose thyself on every side where thou shalt see the assaults of the enemy most violently raging against me1 that1 being defended by thy presence1 ,i may securely escape the snares of the enemy1 and arrive at the joys of heaven40 ,similar impieties occur throughout this and the other parts4 ,thus1 in the part devoted to ,st4 ,scholastica1 on page #aca1 we find the following collect3 8,mercifully look down upon ,thy family1 we beseech ,thee1 ,o ,lord1 through the merits of ,thy blessed ,virgin1 ,st4 ,scholastica2 and as by her prayers ,thou didst cause the rain to descend from heaven deign1 through her supplications10 etc4 ,a number of litanies also occur1 in which she is addressed in the most gushing way1 and asked to pray for those who thus address her4 ,moreover1 this book introduces prayers for the dead4 ,thus1 on page #afe1 the versicle1 8,may the souls of the faithful departed1 through the mercy of ,god1 rest in peace40 ,there are many other superstitious practices contained in the book1 notably the medal of ,st4 ,benedict1 the wearing of which is declared on page #bbc to be 8a constant silent prayer to ,god1 ''' that ,he would have regard to the merits of our holy ,father1 and for his sake would extend ,his own protection10 etc4 ,sister ,mary ,agnes says that the whole of this book1 with the exception of the part on ,indulgences1 was in constant use by the nuns under ,father ,ignatius4 ,must not then monasticism be a fostering garden of superstition1 since even those who claim to reject ,rome resort to the same subterfuges as ,rome does to fill the void that must necessarily exist in the aching hearts of all the deluded followers of monasticism8 ,the next book1 under ,appendix ,b1 will appear1 if possible1 even more grossly superstitious than the former4--7,,editor47 ,,appendix ,b4 8,,the ,,exercises ,,of ,,saint ,,gertrude1 ,,virgin ,,and ,,abbess ,,of ,,the ,,order ,,of ,,st4 ,,benedict40 7,london3 ,burns ,oates47 ,in the preface a short account is given of the life of ,st4 ,gertrude1 which is chiefly a legendary history1 and made up of some of the most absurd and ridiculous tales4 8,once1 when she was pouring out her whole heart in love to its ,divine ,spouse1 it received the impression of the five wounds of the ,divine ,redeemer1 and ,gertrude felt them continually to the moment of her death with an ever-increasing anguish and love40 ,again1 8,on another occasion1 on the ,feast of ,annunciation1 the ,mother of ,god fastened on her breast a heavenly jewel1 wherein were seven precious stones40 ,again1 we have another still more extraordinary miracle vouchsafed to her2 for 8once she received in her heart the ,divine ,infant1 who sprang from his crib to attach himself to her40 ,must not such teaching as this be in the highest degree degrading8 ,and must not those who can swallow such stuff be spiritually demented8 ,it is almost needless to point out that ,saint ,gertrude is said to have been devoted to the worship of the ,virgin ,mary4 ,we find the following most blasphemous words on the subject3 8,the love of ,gertrude towards ,mary was in proportion to the tenderness with which the ,mother of ,god regarded the dearest of the ,spouses of her ,son4 ,gertrude has bequeathed to us the expression of her devotion to the glorious ,queen of heaven in that exquisite prayer which so expressively reveals the deep and touching character of her piety3 #8,hail1 fair lily of the effulgent and ever-glorious ,trinity6 ,hail1 radiant rose of heavenly fragrance1 of whom the ,king of heaven willed to be born1 and with thy milk to be fed1 feed our soul with thy ,divine insinuations6'0 ,i will only give the last prayer in the book to show how the invocation of supposed saints is inculcated1 as in the other book so commonly used in monastic and conventual institutions4 8,o ,god1 who hast prepared for ,thyself a dwelling-place of delights in the most pure heart of the blessed ,virgin ,gertrude1 deign1 we beseech ,thee1 through her merits and intercession1 to wipe away all stains from our hearts1 that they may become meet abodes of ,thy ,divine ,majesty1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord4 ,amen60--7,,editor47 ,,appendix ,c4 ,,review ,,of 8,,visits ,,to ,,the ,,most ,,holy ,,sacrament ,,and ,,the ,,blessed ,,virgin ,,mary4 ,,by ,,st4 ,,alphonsus ,,liguori40 7,published by ,burns ,oates47 ,this book was sent to me by ,sister ,agnes1 who wrote as follows when forwarding it3 8,i send the book which we used daily4 ,it was my constant friend for years2 my troubles and sorrows ,i confided to it4 ,the hymns with the word #8,ignatius' at the end are his1 but not the others2 the writing in the first part of the book1 written in ,,ms4 on foreign note paper1 is taken from ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori1 and was approved of by ,ignatius1 except the part ,i have covered over3 that he did not approve of4 ,it treats of sinful obedience4 ,i cannot quite make it out4 ,the book it is culled from is1 ,i think1 entitled #8,the ,religious ,life4'0 ,before reviewing the book itself1 ,i purpose to place before you a part of the matter 8written on foreign note paper10 and stuck carefully into the book1 acting as a kind of preface to it1 as we may say4 ,remember this matter is taken from ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori's 8,life of the ,religious40 8,there is no consecration so profound1 so entire as that of #8religious' on the day of their profession1 because there is none so purifying1 so constant1 or so religious4 ,the consecration of bishops and priests is more exalted1 as being a ,sacrament2 it is more noble1 as conferring a more sublime dignity and ineffable character2 yea1 it is more powerful1 because it imparts to a mere creature some of the powers of ,god4 ,but it is not so complete as the monastic consecration1 because it does not include a man's entire separation from himself and from the world2 it is not so entire1 because it does not absolutely consume the liberty1 the independence1 and the spontaneousness of his nature3 it is a great sacrifice and a great ,sacrament1 but not a ,,true ,,holocaust40 ,i would urge my readers to stay a moment and mark carefully1 and inwardly digest this description of a nun's life4 ,where is the liberty that is so vainly spoken of8 ,are we not here told that a nun by her profession has her liberty absolutely consumed2 that is to say1 she is a prisoner for life8 ,notice1 ,i pray you1 the words 8it is a true holocaust40 ,in fact1 the sin of the children of ,israel1 who 8caused their sons to pass through the fire10 is committed over again4 ,as king ,manasseh 8caused his children to pass through the fire in the valley of the son of ,hinnom10 so under the pretence of offering the nuns to the service of ,god1 the ,roman ,catholics1 and alas6 members of the ,church of ,england1 8sacrifice their sons and daughters to devils0 7,ps4 cvi4 #cg74 ,it is nothing but ,moloch worship over again4 ,but to proceed with ,liguori's description of the life of the religious3 8,the violation of the vows is then a very grievous sin against the virtue of religion--7it is7 the crime of sacrilege4 ,man1 consecrated to ,god and to ,his service1 becomes something divine2 he owes himself1 therefore1 a religious respect1 which rebounds ever to ,god2 and if ever he should dishonour by mortal sin the virtues of poverty1 obedience1 and virginity1 of which he has made profession1 he would commit an outrage against the ,divine honour1 he would be guilty of sacrilege4 ,what rashness6 what crime6 what impiety would it not be then in you to violate your vows6 8,the infidelity of consecrated persons is more awful than the sacrilege committed against holy places1 ,eucharist vessels1 holy pictures1 or relics4 ,your soul would shudder at the mere thought of a desecrated temple1 a dishonoured ciborium1 a broken crucifix1 or of a saint's body cast into the flames3 would it then consent to far more horrible crimes1 or to more infamous violations8 ,virginity derives not its nobility and worth from itself1 but rather because it is an offering to the ,lord1 inspired and preserved by prudence and piety of the soul4 8,if it should happen that a religious1 in drawing comparison between his life and that of ,christians in the world1 should be seized with a holy fear lest he be less zealous1 less pure1 or less fervent than many of them1 he may still find a legitimate reassurance in the thought that his actions1 though they may be apparently less virtuous and brilliant1 derive1 notwithstanding1 greater value and more real devotion than theirs from the virtue of religion1 which is their chief source1 and which has so high a place amongst the more virtuous40 ,do we not see here how a nun is taught to meet what must be an oft-recurring thought--that her life is utterly useless1 and that she is unable to devote herself actively to the service of ,god1 and that misery and unhappiness surround her1 and that she cannot be so pure as many who1 living in the world1 are not shut up1 so to speak1 with only their own heart's corruptions to brood over4 ,she is taught that all these serious failings are more than atoned for by the mere fact that she has made a solemn profession of poverty1 chastity1 and obedience4 ,but to proceed4 8,he may be consoled that he has eternally consecrated to the ,lord the root of his actions in such a way that they all bear the threefold character of a profound religion1 ardent generosity 7871 and eternal attachment to that which is good4 ,we may reasonably suppose that on its entrance into religion1 by making profession of the vows1 the ,christian soul obtains remission of all its sins4 ,not that the religious profession1 considered in itself1 possesses a sacramental virtue1 operating by its own intrinsic and independent office1 or that it can1 like baptism and penance1 blot out the stain of sin2 but if it be sincere1 it is a most excellent act of perfect charity1 which unites us very closely to ,god1 by an effectual outpouring of ,his sanctifying grace1 and by an abundant remission of those temporal punishments which remain due to sin after its guilt has been forgiven4 8,before dismissing this noble subject of religious profession let us not omit to observe that the vow of obedience is its chief feature4 ,that which is done by obedience is more agreeable to ,god than that which is performed by one's own will4 ,your ,superior is like a sacred vessel wherein ,god has placed for us all ,his desires and graces1 and the true proof of religious sanctity1 the sure token of perfection1 is the perfection of obedience to all ,superiors4 8,need we add that obedience has its limits4 ,there are1 firstly1 things forbidden by the law of ,god1 which a ,superior cannot prescribe without injustice1 since1 being then no longer subordinate to the ,divine will1 he can no longer serve as a medium between him and his subject4 ,they are without the pale of obedience1 and the ,superior has no authority to enforce them4 ,the subject1 therefore1 is not to act contrary to the law of ,god1 or to the rule which they profess to follow2 in such obedience would be illicit40 ,i must make a few observations on this matter of obedience4 ,notice how1 by such an obedience1 a professed nun 7or monk7 transfers to an erring mortal the whole responsibility of her actions4 ,she has to find out ,god's will through the ,superior's4 ,the ,superior is to her in the place of ,god1 and practically his law and order becomes for her ,god's law and order4 ,how can she remonstrate1 when the ,superior commands what is against the law of ,god1 when she has been taught that she can only learn what is ,god's law through the medium of the ,superior8 ,and if she dared to resist her ,superior's will because she felt it to be leading her astray1 do you suppose that the ,superior would ever acknowledge himself or herself to be in the wrong8 ,and is it likely that the poor nun would escape some terrible penance for daring to doubt the propriety of any behest8 ,but the last paragraph1 commencing 8,need we add that obedience has its limits10 and closing with 8,such obedience would be illicit10 was carefully hidden1 for ,father ,ignatius had told his nuns to paste a piece of paper over it1 since he could not agree with the ,romish doctor6 ,he required an absolute and unconditional obedience1 and believed it impossible for a ,superior to prescribe any law that was against the law of ,god4 ,st4 ,alphonsus ,liguori has always been considered an extreme exponent of ,romish doctrines2 but now we find a man holding orders in the ,church of ,england going even beyond ,liguori4 ,i beg my readers to make a special note of this4 ,i will now finish my extracts from the writing on foreign note-paper inserted in the book ,i am about to review4 8,the religious is a person consecrated for ever to the divine service0 7mark this 8for ever0--a prisoner for life1 my friends1 nothing more or less71 8and who cannot disgrace his high dignity without committing sacrilege4 ,he has solemnly vowed that he will belong to no other but ,god2 he has devoted himself to follow after eternal wisdom in order to become perfect1 and the religious1 in sinning1 has stripped himself of his justice and merits and become a shameful ruin1 a horrid corpse40 7,this is enough to frighten a poor1 timid girl1 and to bind her in chains to her prison47 8,the spiritual dangers of the religious life are not to be attributed to the vows1 but rather to the fault1 of him who1 by changing his mind1 transgresses those vows4 ,do not then1 under the pressure of most cruel temptations0--7who makes them cruel8 ,read the experiences of ,miss ,povey or any other nun who has had the good fortune to escape1 or to be turned out of her prison1 and you will find out7--8regret the profession you have made in the fulness of liberty0--7remember that previous to profession the ,superiors have cunningly woven their entangling web around the nun1 and the profession may be compared to the spider1 after he has secured his prey1 carrying the poor helpless fly into the inner precincts of his home7--8but rather behave the more diligently to subject your impatient nature to so salutary a yoke40 ,mark the word 8salutary40 ,is it not a well-attested fact that many nuns go mad from the unnatural confinement within convent walls8 ,i can only hope to give a very short review of this book1 which was placed in the hands of a nun who was a member of the ,church of ,england4 ,i have not time for an elaborate or lengthy account of its contents4 ,i do not think that it was only at ,llanthony that this book was used1 and it is to be feared that whilst the ,feltham convent is now no longer under the wing of ,father ,ignatius1 yet that1 with the exception of unconditional obedience1 the teaching there is as extreme and as ,romish as at ,llanthony1 and yet ,i believe a clergyman1 holding a licence to officiate in the diocese of ,london1 acts as chaplain there4 ,how long our bishops are going to allow and wink at this state of things1 ,i know not6 ,may ,god raise up many faithful men who will demand that the laws of our ,protestant ,church be complied with6 ,the above work is one of the so-called devotional books prescribed by ,father ,ignatius1 to be used by the nuns under his control4 ,it is a ,roman ,catholic publication1 in constant use in all the monastic and other institutions of that ,church2 was composed in ,italian by ,liguori1 the founder of the ,redemptorist ,order1 translated into ,english by the ,rev4 ,r4 ,a4 ,coffin1 a member of that order1 and published by ,burns ,oates1 the leading ,romish publishers in ,great ,britain4 ,the nature of this book may be readily ascertained from the fact that it presupposes the consecrated wafer to be really and truly ,christ himself1 and that it insists upon the ,virgin ,mary as being the ,saviour of every one that is saved4 ,for1 in the beginning of the introduction1 ,liguori says3 8,our holy faith teaches us1 and we are bound to believe1 that in the consecrated host ,jesus ,christ is really present under the species of bread02 and1 further on1 speaking of the visits to the ,virgin1 he says3 8,the opinion of ,st4 ,bernard is well known and generally believed4 ,it is that ,god dispenses no graces otherwise than through the hands of ,mary4''' ,hence1 ,father ,suarez declares that it is now the sentiment of the universal ,church that #8the intercession of ,mary is not only useful1 but even necessary to obtain graces1'0 and he concludes3 8,do you then be also careful to always join to your daily visit to the most blessed ,sacrament a visit to the most holy ,virgin ,mary in some church1 or at least before a devout image of her in your own house40 ,hence on page #be we find a prayer to the ,virgin1 beginning with the words3 8,most holy immaculate ,virgin1 and my mother #8,mary1'0 in which she is styled the 8queen of the world10 8the hope1 the refuge of sinners10 and the following blasphemous expressions are used3 8,i worship thee1 ,o great queen1 and ,i thank thee for all the graces which thou hast hitherto granted me2 and especially ,i thank thee for having delivered me from hell1 which ,i have so often deserved4''' ,i place all my hopes in thee1 and ,i confide my salvation to thy care1 etc40 ,hence throughout the book occur such expressions as the following3 8,sole refuge of sinners1 have mercy on me40 8,o ,mary1 grant me the grace always to have recourse to thee40 8,hail1 our hope40 8,my hope1 help me40 8,therefore1 my lady1 and my hope1 if thou dost not help me1 ,i am lost40 8,all who are saved obtain salvation through thee2 thou then1 ,o ,mary1 hast to save me10 and the like4 ,extracts might be piled upon extracts1 but enough have been given to show the nature and tendency of the book4 ,yet this book the nuns1 under ,father ,ignatius's jurisdiction1 are induced to keep as a constant companion4 ,it does not seem necessary to say anything further on the head of this book3 for its antichristian nature must be apparent to all students of the pure word of ,god4 ,in ,christ alone is salvation1 and ,he alone is our ,mediator between ,god and man4--7,,editor47 ,,footnotes #a ,i read as follows in the ,october number of the ,protestant ,observer3--8,i remember hearing ,father ,ignatius tell an ,oxford audience some years ago that he was called ,ignatius1 not after the famous ,father of the early ,church1 but #8after my patron-saint1 ,ignatius ,loyola1 founder of the ,jesuit ,order4' ,may we not call him ,ignatius ,loyola the ,second80 #b 8,there are persons1 even amongst #8,religious1' so insensible to the sorrows and sufferings of others1 that we might ask whether they possess a human heart0 78,thoughts and ,suggestions for ,ritualistic ,sisters of ,charity10 page #ha ,london3 ,hodges1 #ahga74 #c ,these were held in ,hunter ,street1 ,brunswick ,square2 the sisters were of the third order1 or associate sisters1 living in the world1 but wearing a dress similar to that in my photograph4 ,they used to accompany ,father ,ignatius when he went to preach or attend meetings of a more private character in ,hunter ,street4 ,it was at one of these meetings that ,i first met the ,feltham ,mother1 early in the year #ahfh4 #d ,if the reader will look at the last verse of this chapter in the ,book of ,numbers1 he will see that the vows there spoken of can have no connection with convent vows1 nor can they supply any authority for them4 ,we read in the last verse3 8,these are the statutes which the ,lord commanded ,moses between a man and his wife1 between the father and his daughter1 being yet in her youth in her father's house40 ,please note this4 ,oh1 how clever and subtle are some people in twisting ,scripture and wresting it from its proper bearing6--,,editor4 #e ,in 8,the ,rule of our ,most ,holy ,father ,st4 ,benedict10 edited1 with ,english translation and explanatory notes1 by a monk of ,st4 ,benedict's ,abbey1 ,fort ,augustus1 occur these words1 which show that the rules which regulate the convents connected with this ,order are very similar to those regulating the monasteries of the same order in the ,church of ,rome3 8,by no means let a monk be allowed to receive1 either from his parents1 or any one else1 or from his brethren1 letters1 tokens1 or any gifts whatsoever1 or to give them to others1 without permission of the abbot4 ,and if anything be sent to him1 even by his parents1 let him not presume to receive it1 until it hath been made known to the abbot4 ,but even if the abbot order it to be received1 it shall be in his power to bid it to be given to whom he pleaseth1 and let not the brother to whom it may have been sent be grieved1 lest occasion be given to the devil4 ,should any one1 however1 presume to act otherwise1 let him be subjected to the discipline of the ,rule0 7p4 #aee74--;,,editor4 #f ,john ,berchmans was the son of a master shoemaker named ,john ,charles ,berchmans1 and was born in the year #aeii4 ,his biographers tell us that as a child he grew up as gentle and guileless as a lamb1 and early shared his time between the school and the altar4 ,when about fifteen years of age1 he joined the ,society of ,jesus1 although his parents were somewhat opposed to his taking this step4 ,in a letter to his mother at that time he tried to bring his parents to be reconciled to his taking this step2 he wrote1 8,god is now pleased1 after much prayer1 out of ,his goodness to give me a vocation to religion and to the #8,society of ,jesus1' the hammer of all heresies1 the vessel of virtue and perfection4 ,i hope you will not be so unreasonable as to oppose ,him1 but as 7as ,i have read in history17 the ,egyptians offered their children to the crocodile1 which they looked upon as a god1 and1 while it was eating them up1 the parents made high festival1 so too1 ,i hope you will rejoice as they did1 and praise ,god1 and thank ,him that your son should be found worthy10 etc4 ,this ,jesuit saint seems to have been 8celebrated for devotion to ,his ,lord in the blessed ,sacrament0 and devotion to the ,virgin ,mary4 ,he was looked upon as a 8portent of holiness40 ,he is said 8to have preserved unstained by grievous sin the white robe of baptism40 ,he died in the year #afba4 ,at eight o'clock on ,friday1 ,aug4 #acth1 #afba1 with 8his eyes on his crucifix10 and with 8the holy names of ,jesus and ,mary on his lips he went to his reward40 ,miracles of course were said to be wrought through his relics4 ,in #ahfe1 ,pius ,,ix4 published the decree for his beatification1 and on ,jan4 #aeth1 #ahhh1 ,leo ,,xiii41 amidst the splendid festivities of his sacerdotal jubilee1 solemnly canonized him as a saint4--,,editor4 #g ,the late ,rev4 ,dr4 ,pusey recommended ,ritualistic ,father ,confessors to give the following advice to those ,sisters of ,mercy who might happen to be their penitents3 8,i would have great respect paid in confession to your confessor1 for 7to say nothing of the honour due to the priesthood7 we ought to look upon them as angels sent by ,god to reconcile us to ,his ,divine goodness2 and also as ,his lieutenants upon earth1 and therefore we owe them all reverence1 even though they may at times betray that they are human1 and have human infirmities1 and perhaps ask curious questions which are not part of the confession1 such as your name1 what penances or virtues you practise1 what are your temptations1 etc4 ,i would have you answer1 although you are not obliged to do so40 78,manual for ,confessors10 p4 #aij4 ,london1 #ahgh47 ,heaven help the poor sisters who have to answer the 8curious questions0 of an inquisitive or wicked ,father ,confessor4--,,editor4 #h ,the following is an extract from a lecture delivered by ,mr4 ,w4 ,walsh1 at ,bath1 reported in the ,english ,churchman1 ,nov4 #bf1 #ahhf3 8,he 7,mr4 ,walsh7 had now to direct attention to the ,vow of #8,obedience1' taken by many ,ritualistic ,sisters of ,mercy4 ,the rule as to #8obedience' varied considerably4 ,in ,dr4 ,pusey's sisterhood1 it was very objectionable indeed4 ,the rule of holy obedience commands the sisters3 #8,ye shall ever address the spiritual ,mother with honour and respect2 avoid speaking of her among yourselves2 cherish and obey her with holy love1 without any murmur or sign of hesitation or repugnance1 but simply1 cordially1 and promptly obey with cheerfulness1 ,,and ,,banish ,,from ,,your ,,mind ,,any ,,question ,,as ,,to ,,the ,,wisdom ,,of ,,the ,,command ,,given ,,you4 ,if ye fail in this1 ye have failed to resist a temptation of the evil one4' 8,would not such a rule as this1 ,mr4 ,walsh continued to say1 if placed in the hands of a wicked ,mother ,superior1 lead to the most fearful results8 ,in ,father ,benson's #8,religious ,life ,portrayed for the ,use of ,sisters of ,mercy1' the teaching was1 if possible1 placed in a still more fearful light4 ,in that book the sister is taught that-- 8#8,a religieuse has made the sacrifice of her will in taking the ,vow of ,obedience4 ,she is no more her own1 but ,god's2 and she must obey her ,superiors for ,god's sake1 yielding herself as wax to be moulded unresistingly4'0 ,well did ,mr4 ,walsh observe3 8,persons who had to submit to #8obedience' such as this were as truly slaves as any negro40--,,editor4 #i ,there must be many similar lying legends of this kind1 in order to stamp upon ignorant and superstitious minds the necessity of obedience4 ,in 8,the ,secret ,plan of the ,jesuits10 by the ,abbot ,leone1 the following story is told3 8,father ,saetti1 knocking at my door one morning1 according to his custom1 ,i did not open it4 #8,why this delay8' he asked me4 ,i replied that ,i could not open the door sooner4 ,he then reminded me that1 in all things1 the most prompt obedience was the most perfect2 that1 in obeying ,god1 we must make every sacrifice1 even that of a moment of time4 #8,one of the brethren1' he continued1 #8was occupied in writing1 when some one knocked at the door4 ,he had begun to make an 8,o10 but he did not stay to finish it4 ,he opened the door1 and on returning to his seat1 he found the 8,o0 completed1 and all in gold6 ,thus you see how ,god rewards him who is obedient4'0 ,did not ,st4 ,paul prophesy that those would arise who would 8speak lies in hypocrisy10 and did he not say1 8,refuse profane and old wives' fables08 7#a ,tim4 iv4 #a-g74--;,,editor4 #aj ,see ,appendix ,c4 for the teaching we received concerning the nature of the ,vow of ,obedience4--,,editor4 #aa ,while these pages were passing through the press1 the ,western ,mail1 of ,cardiff1 on ,march #crd1 #ahij1 published a report1 from the pen of its special correspondent1 of the reception of three new monks at ,llanthony ,abbey by ,father ,ignatius4 ,we reprint this report1 slightly abridged3 8,the great event at the morning service was the consecration of three brethren as monks4 ,they were given new names after their consecration4 ,the abbot gave ,cymric names to the three new monks1 naming one ,mihangel ,dewi ,fair1 another ,catwg ,fair1 and the third ,dyfrig ,fair4 ,the great organ thundered forth sweetest melody1 and the voices of unseen choristers singing a ,welsh chant ushered in the solemn service4 ,the three monks in reply to the abbot--who was most gorgeously appareled in cloth of gold and hood1 which caught and held the lights which blazed forth from all parts of the building--who asked whether it was their wish to depart1 said1 #8,we wish to dwell in the ,house of the ,lord for ever6' ,the abbot asked1 would they make a solemn vow of celibacy1 obedience1 and poverty4 ,that was answered in the affirmative4 ,after some other ceremonies of the most gorgeous description had been observed1 the three brethren who sought to be made monks laid themselves down on their backs on the floor of the church4 ,a funeral pall was placed over them to signify that they were henceforth dead to the things of this world4 ,a long wax candle was placed at each of the four corners of the carpet on which they laid4 ,this was followed by the ,burial ,service being performed by the abbot1 and the great bell tolled as if for the dead1 and the ,de ,profundis was solemnly chanted4 ,moving around the prostrate figures1 the abbot1 now robed in black vestments1 scattered ashes upon them1 and said1 #8,ashes to ashes1 and dust to dust4' ,he then sprinkled holy water upon the prostrate forms4 ,a black curtain was now drawn across the church1 hiding everything from the congregation4 ,subsequently that was withdrawn1 and it was then seen that the three monks had commenced their spiritual existence4 ,the head of each bore the tonsure1 and was encircled with a wreath as described above4 ,the abbot received the three monks1 each of whom held beneath his chin the houseling white cloth4 ,later on in the service the abbot1 standing in wedding garments on the steps of the altar1 proclaimed the three new monks as being #8the spouses of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1' and on the third finger of the left hand of each he placed a plain wedding ring4 ,after the ceremony of consecration was over1 the three young monks took their seats1 covered with crimson cloth1 and thirteen or fourteen nuns1 completely concealed in white wraps1 descended from somewhere1 and bowed low1 to receive the blessing of the monks4 ,the above will give the reader some idea of the extraordinary and gorgeous ritual observed on the occasion40--,,ed4 #ab ,in the 8,little ,manual of ,devotions10 for the use of the 8,pilgrims0 to ,llanthony ,abbey1 ,father ,ignatius teaches that--8,it is a pious custom of devout ,christians1 on seeing a monk1 to kneel and kiss the hem of the sacred habit2 if done from love to ,jesus1 and reverence to the habit of the ,consecrated ,life1 a great blessing will be received0 7page #f74--;,,editor4 #ac ,at that period my letters were not kept back2 but you will see that at any time that suits the ,superiors letters may be and often are never sent4 #ad ,in the ,church of ,england ,catholic and ,monastic ,times for ,june #bd1 #ahhd 7which was the organ of ,father ,ignatius71 there appears an article entitled 8,lent at the ,monastery40 ,it is stated that in the evening of ,ash ,wednesday1 8,compline was said1 and then1 while the nuns retired to their ,priory for the ,service of the ,discipline1 the monks proceeded to the ,discipline in the solemn choir0 7page #e74 ,this confirms the statement of ,sister ,mary ,agnes that the 8,discipline0 was in use at ,llanthony4--,,editor4 #ae ,this last event1 ,i should mention1 took place in ,devonshire4 ,there are no stairs at the ,llanthony convent4 #af ,in the article on 8,lent at the ,monastery10 which we have already quoted from the ,monastic ,times1 it is stated that on ,ash ,wednesday1 at ,llanthony1 8,first the ,superior ,father ,ignatius received the holy ashes on his tonsured head1 then the monks2 after this the nuns descended4''' ,one by one they knelt before the priest1 received the ashes on their veiled heads1 and disappeared behind the ,great ,shrine4''' ,nones1 ,litany1 and the seven penitential ,psalms were said2 the latter kneeling or lying prostrate in the ashes in the centre of the choir40--,,editor4 #ag ,probably few people credit what ,i know to be a fact1 that such instruments of torture are in use in probably all monastic and conventual institutions4 ,i have by me now a book called 8,priests1 ,women1 and ,families10 by ,j4 ,michelet1 published in #ahgd by the ,protestant ,evangelical ,mission4 ,in the editor's preface to this book there are two sets of engravings of 8,articles of ,piety02 or1 ,instruments of ,torture in ,english ,convents4 ,under the first set of engravings1 ,i read thus3 8,instruments of torture are now practised upon nuns in ,romish convents in ,london1 and in all parts of the country40 ,the ,romish 8,articles of ,piety10 named on the next page1 were bought at ,little's ,ecclesiastical ,warehouse1 #bj1 ,cranbourne ,street1 and at the convent of the 8,sisters of the ,assumption of the ,perpetual ,adoration of the ,blessed ,sacrament40 7,london47 ,such instruments of torture are fitter for the worshippers of ,baal1 than for the worshippers of ,god2 and a person using them upon cattle would lay himself open to a prosecution by the 8,society for the ,prevention of ,cruelty to ,animals40 ,both the parties who purchased these articles are intimately known to ,mr4 ,robert ,steele1 the secretary of the ,protestant ,evangelical ,mission and ,electoral ,union1 #e1 ,racquet ,court1 ,fleet ,street1 ,e4,c4 ,christian reader1 it is your duty to testify1 on ,god's behalf1 against the blasphemy and cruelty of ,romanism4 ,the ,maker and ,preserver of man is the loving ,father1 who gave ,his only begotten ,son to die for us1 and thus make atonement for our sin4 ,the second engraving is headed1 8,iron ,disciplines of the ,church40 ,there ,i read3 8,saint ,liguori1 the ,doctor of the ,romish ,church0 7and an author strongly recommended to the nuns and monks under ,father ,ignatius71 8commends the use of ,disciplines to the #8,true ,spouse of ,christ1' thus3 8,disciplines1 or ,flagellations1 are a species of mortifications strongly recommended by ,st4 ,francis of ,sales1 and universally adopted in religious communities of both sexes40 ,then after a minute description of some fifteen of the instruments of torture1 ,i read these words3 8,were such cruelties perpetrated upon the heathen1 all our ,christian churches would resound with appeals to the sympathy of the people to come to the help of the sufferers4 ,this would be commendable4 ,why1 then1 is the same course not adopted on behalf of nuns1 who1 as ,rev4 ,pierce ,connelly says1 #8are not only slaves1 but who are1 de facto1 by a ,satanic consecration1 secret prisoners for life1 and may any day be put an end to1 or much worse1 with less risk of vengeance here in ,england than in ,italy and ,spain'80--,,editor4 #ah ,an extern is a boarder1 or associate4 #ai ,see ,appendix ,a1 and ,b1 and ,c1 where some ,romish literature used is reviewed4--,,editor4 #bj ,father ,ignatius has himself described this service in his book entitled 8,brother ,placidus10 and records1 in connection with it1 a wonderful 8miracle10 which he declares actually occurred in his monastery4 ,it is hard to understand how any person outside a lunatic asylum can believe in such a 8miracle03-- 8,matins were over at five minutes before midnight4 ,a procession quickly formed in the ,refectory2 and1 as the hour of joy and gladness struck1 the figure of the holy ,child was borne in state to the crib1 with lighted tapers1 incense1 and chanting-- #8,ye faithful1 approach ye1 joyful and triumphant1 ,o come ye1 ,o come ye to ,bethlehem4' ,the infant figure is lying on its linen swaddling bands1 in the straw2 the countless tapers are flaming1 amid clouds of sweetest incense1 and shouts of triumph song4 ,the little figure was charmingly lifelike--the head slightly raised1 the hand also lifted1 as if in blessing4 ,in due order all present approached to kiss the sacred emblems of ,incarnate ,love4 ,with long1 lighted tapers they approached1 and kneeling down1 kissed the upraised hand4 ,first the ,abbot2 then ,fathers ,theodore1 ,philip1 and ,drostan2 after them ,brothers ,pancras1 ,oswald1 ,ethelred1 and then ,placidus4 ,how pale the fair face of the young novice looks6 ,how his hand is trembling1 as he grasps the burning taper6''' ,the novice has been longing for this moment--longing to press his burning lips upon that infant hand--longing to make his adoring confession of faith in ,mary's little ,babe4 #8,o my ,jesus1 my ,king1 my ,god1 let me come and adore ,thee4'''' ,with words like these bursting from his heart1 but all unheard by aught save ,him for whom they all were uttered1 ,brother ,placidus knelt to kiss the little hand4 #8,oh6 oh6' burst from the lips of the children1 while the elder brothers fell involuntarily on their knees4 ,brother ,placidus had kissed the holy ,child1 and1 as he did so1 the figure became animated with life1 and bowed its head1 and returned the kiss1 and the little hand had been laid on the novice's head4 ,the taper dropped from his hand1 and he fell into a deep swoon1 on the floor1 before the shrine of the ,nativity0 7pages #aae-aah74 #ba ,i almost tremble at allowing such blasphemy as this to appear2 it is too shocking4--,,editor4 #bb ,i have seen this charm in the shape of a dried piece of leaf4 ,miss ,povey has one now in her possession4--,,editor4 #bc ,god grant that it may never be revived1 and that it will never be recognised as a part of the ,church of ,england's machinery6--,,editor4 #bd ,i believe there are now in ,england1 ,wales1 and ,scotland1 no less than #deh ,roman ,catholic convents4 ,besides1 there are about #dh houses for ,jesuits1 and #aga monasteries4 ,if the people of ,england make no protest against this system1 which is so essentially un-,english1 if our ,government do not enforce the existing laws against the entrance of ,jesuits into this country and the setting up of monasteries1 and if our ,government refuse to listen to the wishes of thousands in our land for convents to be impartially inspected1 will not the masses1 though such a course must be deplored1 ere long feel almost impelled1 at least with some convents1 to take the law in their own hands8--,,editor4 99 99 99 99 99 #bg1 ,,paternoster ,,row1 ,,london4 ,,hodder ,,stoughton',s ,new and ,recent ,publications4 ,,the ,,christian ,,ministry3 ,its ,origin1 ,constitution1 ,nature1 and ,work4 ,the ,donnellan ,lectures for #ahhh1 together with ,notes and ,appendices4 ,by the ,very ,rev4 ,,william ,,lefroy1 ,d4,d41 ,dean of ,norwich 7sometime ,incumbent of ,st4 ,andrew's1 ,liverpool2 ,honorary ,canon of ,liverpool ,cathedral1 and ,archdeacon of ,warrington74 ,in one volume1 #hvo1 price #ads4 ,,studies ,,on ,,the ,,epistles4 ,by the ,rev4 ,professor ,f4 ,,godet1 ,d4,d4 ,translated by ,mrs4 ,,annie ,,harwood ,,holmden4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,,personal ,,and ,,family ,,glimpses ,,of ,,remarkable ,,people4 ,by the ,venerable ,archdeacon ,e4 ,w4 ,,whately1 ,m4,a41 late ,chancellor of ,st4 ,patrick's and ,rector of ,werbergh1 ,dublin4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 #f;d4 ,,imago ,,christi3 ,the ,example of ,jesus ,christ4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,james ,,stalker1 ,m4,a41 ,author of 8,the ,life of ,jesus ,christ10 8,the ,life of ,st4 ,paul10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,ireland ,,and ,,the ,,anglo-,,norman ,,church3 ,a ,history of ,ireland and ,irish ,christianity from the ,anglo-,norman ,conquest to the ,dawn of the ,reformation4 ,by the ,rev4 ,g4 ,t4 ,,stokes1 ,d4,d41 ,professor of ,ecclesiastical ,history in the ,university of ,dublin1 and ,vicar of ,all ,saints'1 ,blackrock2 ,author of 8,ireland and the ,celtic ,church10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #is4 ,,benjamin ,,hellier3 ,his ,life and ,teaching4 ,a ,biographical ,sketch1 with ,extracts from his ,letters1 ,sermons1 and ,addresses4 ,edited by ,,his ,,children4 ,with ,portrait and ,illustrations4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,alone ,,with ,,the ,,word3 ,devotional ,notes on the ,whole of the ,new ,testament4 ,by ,g4 ,stringer ,rowe1 ,governor of ,headingley ,college1 ,leeds4 #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,canon ,,wynne1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,fragmentary ,,records ,,of ,,jesus ,,of ,,nazareth4 ,from the ,letters of a ,contemporary4 ,by ,,frederick ,r4 ,,wynne1 ,d4,d41 ,canon of ,christ ,church1 and ,incumbent of ,st4 ,matthias'1 ,dublin4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,simple and yet forcible in style1 the little volume is likely to lead the wavering to a firmer faith40--,nonconformist4 8,this volume will be read with profit for its wisdom1 excellent spirit1 thorough fairness1 and delightfully reverent tone40--,christian ,advocate4 ,,ii4 ,,the ,,joy ,,of ,,the ,,ministry4 ,an ,endeavour to ,increase the ,efficiency and ,deepen the ,happiness of ,pastoral ,work4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,second ,edition4 8,there is no clergyman of any ,church1 old or young1 who will not be moved1 and there must be very few who will not be healthily stimulated1 by the perusal of a work based on the purest ,christian principles1 and embodying in graceful language the results of wide observation and personal practice40--,scotsman4 ,,iii4 ,,plain ,,proofs ,,of ,,the ,,great ,,facts ,,of ,,christianity4 ,for the ,help of ,minds ,perplexed with ,difficulties4 ,cheap ,edition4 ,cloth1 price #as4 #f;d4 ,,iv4 ,,spent ,,in ,,the ,,service4 ,a ,memoir of the ,very ,rev4 ,achilles ,daunt1 ,d4,d41 ,dean of ,cork4 ,with selections from his ,letters1 ,diaries1 and ,sermons4 ,third ,edition4 ,with ,portrait1 price #es4 8,we feel grateful to ,mr4 ,wynne for giving us so lifelike a sketch of a very beautiful character40--,literary ,churchman4 8,a most interesting memoir4 ,mr4 ,daunt appears to have been not only an eloquent and fervent preacher1 but a most holy man1 singularly true and thorough in all relations of life4 ,the memoir is unusually well written1 and readable40--,guardian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,christian ,,theism3 ,a ,popular ,survey of the ,evidence on which it rests1 and the ,objections urged against it ,considered and ,refuted4 ,by the ,rev4 ,prebendary ,c4 ,a4 ,,row1 ,m4,a41 ,d4,d4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,the ,,hallowing ,,of ,,criticism3 ,nine ,cathedral ,sermons on ,elijah4 ,by the ,rev4 ,prof4 ,t4 ,k4 ,,cheyne1 ,d4,d41 ,canon of ,rochester4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,palestine ,,in ,,the ,,time ,,of ,,christ4 ,by ,,edmond ,,stapfer1 ,d4,d41 ,professor in the ,protestant ,theological ,faculty of ,paris4 ,translated by ,,annie ,,harwood ,,holmden4 ,with ,map4 ,crown #hvo1 price #is4 8,the book1 as a whole1 is of great interest1 and will prove1 we believe1 a great help to those who desire to reach for themselves the actual meaning of the ,gospels4 ,it will be a valuable addition to the apparatus criticus of the ,biblical student1 and will help to give colour and vividness to the preacher's description of scenes and incidents from which he would draw forth moral and spiritual lessons for his hearers40--,nonconformist4 ,,the ,,trinity ,,of ,,evil4 ,i4 ,,infidelity4--,,ii4 ,,impurity4--,,iii4 ,,intemperance4 ,by ,rev4 ,canon ,,wilberforce1 ,m4,a4 ,new and ,cheaper ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,one of the most sonorous and telling trumpet-blasts against infidelity1 impurity1 and intemperance we have ever heard4 ,every page of the ,canon's not only throbs with passionate earnestness in the cause of truth and righteousness1 but is full of point and fine literary power40--,literary ,world4 ,,daniel',s ,,prophecies ,,now ,,being ,,fulfilled4 ,with a ,harmony in the ,words of the ,revised ,version4 ,by the ,rev4 ,e4 ,p4 ,,cachemaille1 ,m4,a4 ,in ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #bs4 #f;d4 ,,light ,,and ,,colour ,,emblematic ,,of ,,revealed ,,truth4 ,by the late ,major ,r4 ,w4 ,d4 ,,nickle4 ,edited by ,,sarah ,,sharp4 ,with ,diagrams4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,the work is highly edifying1 and will be found by lovers of ,holy ,scripture to contain much that is fresh and instructive4 ,the diagrams are choice1 and tend greatly to the elucidation of the subject4 ,by the help of this work a new domain of knowledge is opened1 and many passages of ,holy ,writ re-illumined40--,christian4 ,,some ,,central ,,points ,,of ,,our ,,lord',s ,,ministry4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,henry ,,wace1 ,d4,d41 ,principal of ,king's ,coll41 ,london1 and ,hon4 ,chaplain-in-,ordinary to the ,queen2 ,author of 8,the ,foundation of ,faith10 8,christianity and ,morality10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,the ,,rev4 ,,canon ,,bell1 ,d4,d41 ,rector of ,cheltenham4 ,,our ,,daily ,,life3 ,its ,duties and its ,dangers4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,the subjects selected are admirably handled4 ,it is a very excellent1 most useful book40--,church ,bells4 ,,henry ,,martyn4 ,cheap ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #as4 8,a worthy record of a noble life40--,whitehall ,review4 8,in every way a most delightful volume40--,rock4 ,,the ,,valley ,,of ,,weeping ,a ,,place ,,of ,,springs4 ,a ,practical ,exposition of the ,thirty-second ,psalm4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,the whole volume is delightful in every way4 ,as a meditative work1 it is one which will be profoundly enjoyed by those who can obtain a copy of it40--,clergyman's ,magazine4 ,a ,,winter ,,on ,,the ,,nile1 ,,in ,,egypt1 ,,and ,,in ,,nubia4 ,second ,edition4 ,artistically bound1 ,eau de ,nil cloth1 price #fs4 ,with ,map4 8,he is an excellent traveller1 making friends with everybody1 receiving invitations from ,egyptian authorities1 foreign consuls1 and ,coptic clergy1 and the native peasantry1 all alike opening their hearts and homes to him4 ,the result is an insight into ,egypt as it is1 and very much as it has been for a thousand years4 ,the ,canon's descriptions of manners and customs are lifelike1 and sometimes not a little amusing40--,times4 ,,gleanings ,,from ,a ,,tour ,,in ,,palestine ,,and ,,in ,,the ,,east4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #fs4 ,with ,map and ,illustrations4 8,canon ,bell is a scholar and something of a poet2 and the reader may be sure that anything which proceeds from his hand is written with care1 reverence1 and polished skill4''' ,it is a pleasant duty to recognise the admirable spirit in which ,canon ,bell has treated the more important part of his work4 ,the reflections upon a visit to such spots as the ,mount of ,olives1 the ,garden of ,gethsemane1 or the place of the ,crucifixion1 are conceived in a truly reverent and majestic vein4 ,the verses written in contemplation of these sacred spots are marked by great beauty and devotion4 ,they read like some of the ,church's glorious hymns of the ,passion set anew1 in fresh strains and varied metre40--,morning ,post4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,christ ,,and ,,his ,,people4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,thirteen ,addresses by ,,the ,,bishop ,,of ,,liverpool1 ,,the ,,dean ,,of ,,ripon1 ,,archdeacon ,,richardson1 ,,canon ,,hoare1 ,,prebendary ,,edmonds1 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,moule1 ,,canon ,j4 ,w4 ,,bardsley1 ,,sir ,,emilius ,,laurie1 and ,,george ,,everard4 ,,the ,,revelation ,,of ,,john3 ,an ,exposition4 ,by ,p4 ,w4 ,,grant1 ,author of 8,the ,bible ,record of ,creation ,true for ,every ,age10 8,the ,great ,memorial ,name10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 ,,the ,,saint ,,and ,,his ,,saviour4 ,by ,c4 ,h ,,spurgeon4 ,a ,new ,edition1 set up and printed from new type4 ,with ,portrait4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,the ,,women ,,friends ,,of ,,jesus2 or1 ,lives and ,characters of the ,holy ,women of ,gospel ,history4 ,by ,,henry ,c4 ,,mccook1 ,d4,d4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 8,dr4 ,mc,cook describes in felicitous and flowery language the lives and characters of famous women of ,gospel history40--,scotsman4 8,rich in ,biblical and historical knowledge1 and graphic and picturesque in style40--,glasgow ,herald4 8,it will be no difficult task to write many a paragraph in praise of the exquisite pathos1 the insight into womanly character1 which these pages breathe40--,methodist ,recorder4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,life ,,of ,,jesus ,told in ,words ,easy to ,read and ,understand4 ,by the ,author of 8,the ,story of the ,bible10 etc4 ,with ,forty ,illustrations4 ,handsomely bound1 fcap4 #dto1 cloth1 price #bs4 8,an excellent ,sunday book for children2 the story is tenderly and brightly told1 the pictures of ,eastern life and ,jewish manners form an effective running commentary on the text1 which is interspersed besides with graphic views of the sacred cities1 sites1 and scenery40--,times4 ,,toilers ,,in ,,london2 or1 ,enquiries ,concerning ,female ,labour in the ,metropolis4 ,by the 8,,british ,,weekly0 ,,commissioner4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,newly ,,enlisted4 ,a ,series of ,talks with ,young ,converts4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,theodore ,,cuyler1 ,d4,d4 ,square #afmo1 #afj pp41 cloth1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,clear1 bright1 forcible1 these talks are full of wisdom4 ,the book must rouse as well as teach many40--,methodist ,recorder4 8,this is a beautiful little volume1 replete with sound thought1 practical instruction1 and earnest evangelical truth40--,christian ,news4 ,,the ,,growth ,,of ,,church ,,institutions4 ,by ,rev4 ,,edwin ,,hatch1 ,d4,d41 ,reader in ,ecclesiastical ,history1 ,oxford4 ,second ,edition4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #es4 8,dr4 ,hatch's vast learning1 his comprehensive grasp of his subject down to its minutest details1 his lucid style1 and his remarkable candour1 are equally conspicuous1 and we strongly commend the study and the mastery of this volume to all who are anxious to set the ecclesiastical problems of our day in their true light1 and to resist the persistent claims of an arrogant priesthood40--,freeman4 ,,the ,,anglican ,,pulpit ,,of ,,to-,,day4 ,forty ,short ,biographies and ,forty ,sermons of ,distinguished ,preachers of the ,church of ,england4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,handsomely bound in cloth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dr4 ,,godet',s ,,biblical ,,studies4 ,i4 ,,studies ,,on ,,the ,,new ,,testament4 ,by ,f4 ,,godet1 ,d4,d41 ,professor of ,theology1 ,neuchtel4 ,edited by the ,hon4 and ,rev4 ,w4 ,h4 ,,lyttelton1 ,m4,a41 ,canon of ,gloucester4 ,seventh ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,ii4 ,,studies ,,on ,,the ,,old ,,testament4 ,fourth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,unquestionably ,m4 ,godet is one of the first1 if not the very first1 of contemporary commentators4 ,we have no hesitation in advising all students of the ,scripture to procure and to read with careful attention these luminous essays40--,literary ,churchman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,principal ,,fairbairn1 ,d4,d4 ,,studies ,,in ,,the ,,life ,,of ,,christ4 ,by ,a4 ,m4 ,,fairbairn1 ,d4,d41 ,mansfield ,college1 ,oxford4 ,fifth ,edition4 #hvo1 price #is4 8,these studies are full of spiritual penetration1 profound philosophy of moral life1 and literary beauty4 ,devout in feeling1 and evangelical in theological view1 they are yet characterised by great freedom and independence of thought40--,british ,quarterly ,review4 ,,the ,,city ,,of ,,god4 ,a ,series of ,discussions in ,religion4 ,third ,edition4 ,price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we have read many of the truly brilliant passages of this volume with thrilling delight4 ,the theology is orthodox1 the logic is accurate1 and the learning profound40--,ecclesiastical ,gazette4 ,,religion ,,in ,,history ,,and ,,in ,,the ,,life ,,of ,,to-,,day4 ,fourth ,thousand4 ,cloth1 price #as4 #f;d4 8,his clear and closely-reasoned thought finds utterance in clear and well-knit speech40--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,miracles ,,of ,,our ,,lord4 ,by the ,rev4 ,professor ,j4 ,,laidlaw1 ,d4,d41 ,author of 8,the ,bible ,doctrine of ,man10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,romance ,,of ,,psalter ,,and ,,hymnal3 ,authors and ,composers4 ,by the ,rev4 ,r4 ,e4 ,,welsh1 ,m4,a41 and ,f4 ,g4 ,,edwards1 ,author of 8,united ,praise40 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 ,,tropical ,,africa4 ,by ,,henry ,,drummond1 ,f4,r4,s4,e41 ,f4,g4,s4 ,fifteenth ,thousand4 ,with ,six ,maps and ,illustrations1 price #fs4 8,professor ,drummond is a clear and accurate observer1 and as he has had a sound scientific training1 and has a real interest in the human side of ,african life1 he is able to present us with pictures of a distinctness and originality not often met with in books of ,african travel40--,times4 ,,natural ,,law ,,in ,,the ,,spiritual ,,world4 ,by ,prof4 ,,henry ,,drummond1 ,f4,r4,s4,e41 ,f4,g4,s4 ,twenty-fifth ,edition1 completing ,ninety-second ,thousand4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,this is one of the most impressive and suggestive books on religion that we have read for a long time4 ,indeed1 with the exception of ,dr4 ,mozeley's #8,university ,sermons1' we can recall no book of our time which showed such a power of re-stating the moral and practical truths of religion so as to make them take fresh hold of the mind and vividly impress the imagination40--,spectator4 ,,the ,,greatest ,,thing ,,in ,,the ,,world4 ,an ,address on #a ,corinthians xiii4 ,crown #hvo1 leatherette1 price #as42 cloth1 #bs4 #f;d4 ,,lectures ,,on ,,the ,,history ,,of ,,preaching4 ,by the late ,rev4 ,,john ,,ker1 ,d4,d4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,a valuable legacy to the ,church of ,christ4 ,we know no better book than this to place in the hands of candidates for the ministry1 and we should gladly see it used by the bishops of our own ,church as an indispensable text-book for all who are studying for holy orders40--,english ,churchman4 ,,james ,,macdonell ,,of 8,,the ,,times03 ,a ,story of ,self-,help4 ,by ,w4 ,,robertson ,,nicoll1 ,m4,a4 ,with ,etched ,portrait by ,h4 ,manesse4 #hvo1 price #abs4 ,,modern ,,science ,,in ,,bible ,,lands4 ,by ,sir ,j4 ,,william ,,dawson1 ,f4,r4,s4 ,with ,maps and ,illustrations4 ,in crown #hvo1 price #is4 8,the result of a tour through ,italy1 ,egypt1 and ,syria1 collected by a geological observer of such eminence as ,sir ,william ,dawson has shown himself to be1 cannot but be of great value4 ,such are his knowledge and grasp of the subject1 his perfect fairness and impartiality1 and his close and careful reasoning1 that it is not too much to say that he has summed the present extent of our knowledge of ,bible lands40--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,by ,,the ,,same ,,author4 ,i4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,earth ,,and ,,man4 ,with ,twenty ,illustrations4 ,ninth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,ii4 ,,fossil ,,men ,,and ,,their ,,modern ,,representatives4 ,an attempt to illustrate the ,characters and ,condition of ,pre-,historic ,men in ,europe by those of the ,american ,races4 ,with ,forty-four ,illustrations4 ,third ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,origin ,,of ,,the ,,world1 according to ,revelation and ,science4 ,fifth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we heartily commend the book to all those who are interested in this most important question4 ,dr4 ,dawson is a man well known in the ranks of science for great breadth and grasp of knowledge2 he has been a pioneer in geological discovery3 he is also a considerable ,hebrew scholar1 well read in the ,bible1 and especially those parts which treat of nature4''' ,it is a valuable addition to ,bible criticism from a point of view higher scientifically than we have yet had40--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,dr4 ,r4 ,w4 ,,dale1 ,birmingham4 ,,impressions ,,of ,,australia4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,laws ,,of ,,christ ,,for ,,common ,,life4 ,fourth ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 price #fs4 8,sound sense and wholesome ,christian teaching conveyed in pure1 idiomatic1 and forcible ,english40--,scotsman4 8,this book excellently well bears out its title4 ,the author gives wise and manly counsel40--,literary ,churchman4 ,,the ,,epistle ,,to ,,the ,,ephesians4 ,its ,doctrines and ,ethics4 ,fourth ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,in his first sermon as ,vicar of ,leeds1 ,dr4 ,talbot said3 8,i believe that the thought of speaking of ,god's purpose in ,christ was suggested to me by reading whilst abroad just now the impressive words about it in ,dr4 ,dale's noble book upon the ,epistle to the ,ephesians4 ,it is only a single but superlative instance of what we owe to ,nonconformist faith and goodness40 ,,the ,,new ,,evangelicalism ,,and ,,the ,,old4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #as4 ,,the ,,jewish ,,temple ,,and ,,the ,,christian ,,church4 ,a ,series of ,discourses on the ,epistle to the ,hebrews4 ,seventh ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #fs4 8,wholesomer sermons than these it is almost impossible to conceive4 ,mr4 ,dale's preaching has always been remarkable for moral energy and fervour1 but here this characteristic rises to its highest power40--,expositor4 ,,week-,,day ,,sermons4 ,fifth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,dr4 ,dale is certainly an admirable teacher of ,christian ethics4 ,he is1 perhaps1 the greatest living successor of the ,apostle ,james4 ,in this volume he appears at his best40--,christian4 ,,the ,,ten ,,commandments4 ,fifth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #es4 8,full of thought and vigour40--,spectator4 8,the manly1 fearless honesty of ,mr4 ,dale's ,expositions demands the very highest eulogy40--,british ,quarterly ,review4 ,,nine ,,lectures ,,on ,,preaching4 ,fifth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #fs4 8,admirable lectures1 briefly written1 earnest and practical1 the work of an able man40--,literary ,churchman4 ,,the ,,evangelical ,,revival and other ,sermons4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,professor ,,kurtz',s ,,church ,,history4 ,authorised ,translation from the latest revised edition1 by the ,rev4 ,,john ,,macpherson1 ,m4,a4 ,in three volumes4 ,price #gs4 #f;d4 each4 8,the complete work of ,professor ,kurtz is now translated1 and it really shows itself so improved in form1 so much fuller in substance1 in fact1 so much changed in mind1 body1 and state1 that it may claim to be a new history altogether4 ,no one who has tried to peruse the original compilation will deny that this is an unspeakable advantage in a once unreadable manual2 and1 indeed1 a #8manual1' by its very name1 signifies a work that is meant to hold in the hand and not to enter the head4 ,the author has carried on his history into the most recent days4 ,nothing has escaped his all-seeing eye and his all-recording pen--neither the ,theosophism of ,madame ,blavatsky1 nor the microscopic heresies of ,mr4 ,david ,macrae in the ,united ,presbyterian ,church1 neither the doings of the ,berlin treaty nor of ,dr4 ,robertson ,smith4 ,the annals of the last fifty years on the ,continent are given with considerable fulness1 and ecclesiastical events in ,germany are given with an especial amount of detail40--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dr4 ,,fisher',s ,,new ,,church ,,history4 ,a ,,history ,,of ,,the ,,christian ,,church4 ,by ,,george ,p4 ,,fisher1 ,d4,d41 ,,ll4,d41 ,professor of ,ecclesiastical ,history in ,yale ,university4 ,in large #hvo1 #gab pages1 price #abs4 ,with ,seven coloured ,maps4 8,this very valuable and exhaustive history40--,english ,churchman4 8,it is a book as remarkable for fairness and breadth of sympathy as it is for learning and power2 and if its popularity should be as great as its value1 its success is assured40--,nonconformist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,catacombs ,,of ,,rome1 ,,and ,,their ,,testimony ,,relative ,,to ,,primitive ,,christianity4 ,by ,rev4 ,w4 ,h4 ,,withrow1 ,m4,a4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 #efj pages1 #acd ,illustrations4 8,an exceedingly painstaking and thorough-going work1 and whether or not the writer may be correct in all his inferences1 they have evidently been founded upon diligent information4 ,he could not have very much that was absolutely new to tell on the subject2 but as a convenient account of the most remarkable and interesting monuments of primitive ,christianity1 of those excavations which furnished the persecuted ,church with refuges during life and in death1 which formed her places of worship in times of peril1 and received the remains of martyrs1 the present volume is perhaps inferior to none of its predecessors40--,saturday ,review4 ,,the ,,philanthropy ,,of ,,god4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,social ,,christianity4 ,sermons delivered in ,st4 ,james's ,hall1 ,london4 ,by ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,third ,edition4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,press ,,notices4 8,if all sermons were as fresh and unconventional1 as simple1 practical1 and unaffected as those which he 7,rev4 ,hugh ,price ,hughes7 has put together under the appropriate title of #8,social ,christianity1' there would perhaps be less grumbling from the pew than is at present the case40--,scotsman4 8,wise1 strong1 wholesome1 and thoughtful40--,british ,weekly4 8,it is not difficult1 after reading these fervid1 brave1 and genial addresses1 to understand the secret of such a preacher's spell4 ,mr4 ,price ,hughes does not mince matters in dealing with the lawlessness1 the ,mammon-,worship1 and the social disorders of the times2 and the tones in which he speaks are far-reaching and persuasive1 because they are brotherly and full of faith and hope40--,leeds ,mercury4 8,these vigorous sermons are an attempt to show that what must be called the social failure of ,christianity is not the fault of ,christianity or of ,christ1 but rather the result of ,christians having been selfishly individualistic4 ,the great evils of our day1 and especially those of our own country1 are brought to view with much directness1 and the duties and responsibilities of disciples of ,christ are enforced with plainness and power4 ,whether the subject be social distress1 the administration of justice1 ,christ's authority1 or the problem of unbelief1 we find these pages uniformly practical and in a high degree instructive40--,christian4 8,these sermons are full of good1 manly1 vigorous teaching of a stout1 practical kind40--,star4 8,while the ordinary volume of sermons sends people to sleep1 this will assuredly keep them awake2 and it will1 moreover1 keep them awake by perfectly legitimate expedients40--,manchester ,examiner4 ,,the ,,atheist ,,shoemaker3 ,a ,story of the ,west ,end ,mission4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,hugh ,,price ,,hughes1 ,m4,a4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #as4 #f;d4 ,,john ,g4 ,,paton3 ,an ,autobiography4 ,second ,part4 ,edited by his ,brother1 the ,rev4 ,,james ,,paton1 ,b4,a4 ,sixth ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 ,,john ,g4 ,,paton1 ,missionary to the ,new ,hebrides4 ,an ,autobiography4 ,edited by ,,his ,,brother4 ,with ,portrait4 ,fifth ,edition1 completing ,eleventh ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 ,the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,,pierson1 author of 8,the ,crisis of ,missions10 says3 8,i consider it unsurpassed in missionary biography4 ,in the whole course of my extensive reading on these topics1 a more stimulating1 inspiring1 and every way first-class book has not fallen into my hands4 ,everybody ought to read it40 ,,opinions ,,of ,,the ,,press4 8,a more fascinating and thrilling bit of ,missionary history has seldom been given to the public40--,christian4 8,intensely interesting2 indeed1 often quite fascinating40--,christian ,leader4 8,let the people who tell us that the romance of missions is passed1 read this manly and thrilling narrative4''' ,no fiction can exercise a stronger spell than the story of this brave ,cameronian missionary's life40--,baptist ,magazine4 8,the story of ,mr4 ,paton's years of residence among the ,tannese1 amid many perils and great discouragements1 is quite as fascinating in some parts as many a romance4 ,the author1 indeed1 seems to have passed through dangers and difficulties which it would be hard to believe were the veracity of the writer not beyond question4''' ,an autobiography recording the life and work of a missionary in some respects not unlike his great prototype--,david ,livingstone40--,scotsman4 8,he has a story to tell that is well worth hearing1 and that at not a few stages will compare handsomely with most books of adventure40--,scottish ,leader4 8,we recommend it to all our missionary societies as a most convincing testimony to the value of ,gospel work among the heathen40--,methodist ,times4 8,simplicity and godly sincerity are stamped on every page40--,leeds ,mercury4 8,this is a book far beyond our praise4 ,it will take its place with the classics of missions--with the ,lives of ,brainerd and ,martyn1 and the other records which will endure as long as ,christ is preached4 ,great as has been the missionary work accomplished by the author1 we believe it will be found in the end that his greatest work has been the writing of this volume4 ,it is a book which cannot be read without indescribable emotion4''' ,it must surely1 now and in days to come1 kindle in many souls something of the writer's own lofty and fervent love4 ,more than any argument it will silence the faithless clamour against missions2 and no one1 ,christian or sceptic1 will peruse it without feeling that there is amongst us still at least one truly ,apostolic man40--,british ,weekly4 ,,charles ,,stanford1 ,d4,d43 ,memories and ,letters4 ,edited by ,,his ,,wife4 ,with ,etched ,portrait by ,,manesse4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,the ,,preacher',s ,,commentary ,,on ,,the ,,gospel ,,of ,,st4 ,,john4 ,a ,series of ,one ,hundred and ,thirty ,homiletic ,sketches4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,george ,,calthrop1 ,m4,a41 ,vicar of ,st4 ,augustine1 ,highbury4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,his general method of describing and drawing lessons from the events of our ,lord's life is vivid and interesting40--,guardian4 8,a very suitable handbook for suggestions in a course of sermons or lectures on the fourth ,gospel40--,ecclesiastical ,gazette4 ,,the ,,british ,,weekly ,,pulpit4 ,vol4 ,i4 #fbd pages1 #hvo1 handsomely bound in cloth1 red edges1 price #fs4 ,contains only first-rate matter1 having regard not to quantity1 but quality1 and includes ,sermons1 etc41 from the ,provinces1 ,wales and ,scotland1 as well as from ,ireland2 and numerous articles of varied interest and importance1 and sermons by the following and many other preachers3-- ,revs4 ,j4 ,b4 ,meharry1 ,c4 ,h4 ,spurgeon1 ,g4 ,matheson1 ,d4,d41 ,principal ,fairbairn1 ,d4,d41 ,a4 ,martin1 ,m4,a41 ,professor ,godet1 ,d4,d41 ,dr4 ,oswald ,dykes1 ,a4 ,mursell1 ,prof4 ,r4 ,flint1 ,d4,d41 ,dr4 ,dallinger1 ,t4 ,champness1 ,a4 ,whyte1 ,d4,d41 ,prof4 ,knight1 ,,ll4,d41 ,joseph ,parker1 ,d4,d41 ,a4 ,maclaren1 ,d4,d41 ,principal ,t4 ,c4 ,edwards1 ,d4,d41 ,jno4 ,pulsford1 ,d4,d41 ,bishop ,alexander1 ,d4,d41 ,john ,mc,neill1 ,adolph ,saphir1 ,d4,d41 ,w4 ,c4 ,smith1 ,d4,d41 ,john ,watson1 ,m4,a41 ,dr4 ,mac,gregor1 ,prof4 ,elmslie1 ,d4,d41 ,j4 ,culross1 ,d4,d41 ,w4 ,b4 ,robertson1 ,d4,d41 ,r4 ,w4 ,dale1 ,,ll4,d41 ,c4 ,a4 ,berry4 ,,the ,,industries ,,of ,,japan4 ,together with an account of its ,agriculture1 ,forestry1 ,mining1 ,arts1 and ,commerce4 ,by ,prof4 ,j4 ,j4 ,,rein1 ,university of ,bonn4 ,illustrated by ,woodcuts1 ,lithographs1 and ,native ,fabrics4 ,in one ,handsome ,volume4 ,royal #hvo1 price #cjs4 ,with ,forty-four ,illustrations and ,three ,maps4 8,professor ,rein is equally exhaustive whatever subject or branch of a subject may be under review1 and his book is a perfect mine of information of a most valuable and interesting kind40--,scotsman4 ,,japan4 ,travels and ,researches undertaken at the cost of the ,prussian ,government4 ,with ,twenty ,illustrations and ,two ,maps4 ,by the ,,same ,,author4 ,second ,edition4 ,uniform in ,size and ,type4 ,price #bes4 8,no existing work on ,japan can pretend to vie with the present one in the fulness and accuracy with which the physiography1 natural history1 and topography of the country--subjects which ,dr4 ,rein has made specially his own--are treated2 and for a long time to come it must rank as the standard authority in such matters40--,spectator4 8,it is the most important and exhaustive work that has yet appeared on the physiography of that interesting land4 ,the work of translation is excellently done under the supervision of the author40--,westminster ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,the ,,rev4 ,,prof4 ,a4 ,b4 ,,bruce1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,the ,,miraculous ,,element ,,in ,,the ,,gospels4 ,in #hvo1 cloth1 price #abs4 8,it displays minute acquaintance with the modern literature of the subject1 and all forms of attack to which ,christian belief in the supernatural has been subjected4 ,the defence is able all round2 and the closing chapters--in which the miracle implied in the character of ,jesus is dwelt on1 and where the defence is for a moment changed into attack--are full of spirit and fire40--,methodist ,recorder4 ,,ii4 ,,the ,,chief ,,end ,,of ,,revelation4 ,third ,thousand4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 8,dr4 ,bruce has given us a contribution of very great value4 ,like everything else that has come from his pen1 this series of lectures has the conspicuous excellence of boldness1 vigour1 breadth1 and moral elevation40--,professor ,salmond4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,parabolic ,,teaching ,,of ,,christ3 ,a ,systematic and ,critical ,study of the ,parables of our ,lord4 ,second ,edition4 #hvo1 cloth1 price #abs4 8,professor ,bruce brings to his task the learning and the liberal and finely sympathetic spirit which are the best gifts of an expositor of ,scripture4 ,his treatment of his subject is vigorous and original40--,spectator4 ,,iv4 ,,the ,,life ,,of ,,william ,,denny1 ,shipbuilder1 ,dumbarton4 ,with ,portrait4 ,second ,edition4 #hvo1 cloth1 price #abs4 8,a most interesting biography40--,academy4 8,dr4 ,bruce could not have found a worthier subject for his first essay in biography1 and ,william ,denny could not have had a more congenial biographer40--,british ,weekly4 8,professor ,bruce has shown remarkable skill ''' this admirable #8,life4'0--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,christian ,,conduct4 ,sermons delivered in the ,chapel of ,mill ,hill ,school by the ,headmaster1 ,c4 ,a4 ,,vince1 ,m4,a4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,precious ,,seed ,,sown ,,in ,,many ,,lands4 ,sermons by the ,rev4 ,a4 ,n4 ,,somerville1 ,d4,d4 ,with a ,biographical ,sketch and ,portrait4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,ireland ,,and ,,the ,,celtic ,,church4 ,a ,history of ,ireland from ,st4 ,patrick to the ,english ,conquest in #aagb4 ,by ,rev4 ,g4 ,t4 ,,stokes1 ,m4,a41 ,professor of ,ecclesiastical ,history in the ,university of ,dublin1 and ,rector of ,all ,saints1 ,blackrock4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #is4 8,any one who can make the dry bones of ancient ,irish history live again may feel sure of finding an audience1 sympathetic1 intelligent1 and ever-growing4 ,dr4 ,stokes has this faculty in a high degree4 ,this book will be a boon to that large and growing number of persons who desire to have a trustworthy account of the beginning of ,irish history1 and cannot study it for themselves in the great but often dull works of the original investigators4 ,it collects the scattered and often apparently insignificant results of original workers in this field1 interprets them for us1 and brings them into relation with the broader and better known facts of ,european history40--,westminster ,review4 ,,foreshadowings ,,of ,,christianity4 ,by ,,josephine ,,peckover4 ,with ,preface by ,,anne ,w4 ,,richardson1 ,b4,a4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,rays ,,of ,,messiah',s ,,glory2 or1 ,christ in the ,old ,testament4 ,by ,,david ,,baron4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,human ,,destiny4 ,by ,,robert ,,anderson1 ,,ll4,d41 ,barrister-at-,law1 ,assistant ,commissioner of ,police of the ,metropolis4 ,second and ,cheaper ,edition4 ,price #cs4 #f;d4 8,it is seldom that we take up a book of which we wish that it had been longer1 but ,dr4 ,anderson's is such a book4 ,it summarises the conflict through which the writer passed in studying the question of the destiny of the lost4 ,it is refreshing to read a work which goes fairly to the very root of each theory in turn1 and so states the issues involved in it that the reader can easily form his own conclusions4 ,his book contains much that is valuable1 and is loyal throughout to the teachings of ,scripture40--,record4 ,,the ,,coming ,,prince3 ,the ,last ,great ,monarch of ,christendom4 ,by the ,,same ,,author4 ,third ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #es4 8,the clearest exposition of the ,seventy ,weeks of ,daniel that we have ever read40--,gospel ,watchman4 8,deeply interesting from the first page to the last40--,home ,words4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,rev4 ,,marcus ,,dods1 ,d4,d4 ,i4 ,,mohammed1 ,,buddha1 ,,and ,,christ4 ,fifth ,thousand4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 8,his materials have been carefully collected from the best sources1 have been thoroughly digested in his own mind1 and are here given forth to his readers in well-arranged1 clear1 and precise language40--,scotsman4 8,its general truth few reflecting ,christians will doubt1 and its elevating tendency nobody1 ,christian or unbeliever1 will deny4 ,to us this book is specially welcome1 as an evidence1 in addition to many others1 of a new outburst of earnest religious thought and sentiment40--,spectator4 ,,ii4 ,,israel',s ,,iron ,,age3 ,sketches from the ,period of the ,judges4 ,fourth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 8,powerful lectures4 ,this is a noble volume1 full of strength4 ,young men especially will find in it a rich storehouse of prevailing incentive to a godly life4 ,dr4 ,dods searches with a masterly hand40--,nonconformist4 ,,iii4 ,,the ,,prayer ,,that ,,teaches ,,to ,,pray4 ,sixth ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 price #bs4 #f;d4 8,a warm welcome will be given by many to this little book4 ,it is a book to be read in the closet1 and from the perusal of which no one can rise without a quickened spiritual life4 ,unquestionably it will add to the author's reputation40--,literary ,world4 8,it is highly instructive1 singularly lucid1 and unmistakably for quiet personal use40--,clergyman's ,magazine4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,by ,,rev4 ,,dr4 ,w4 ,m4 ,,taylor1 ,new ,york4 ,,the ,,parables ,,of ,,our ,,saviour ,,expounded ,,and ,,illustrated4 ,in crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,we have many books on the parables of our ,lord1 but few which so thoroughly as this condense within their covers the best teaching contained in the various commentaries written to elucidate their meaning4 ,dr4 ,taylor is not1 however1 a slavish imitator of any master in ,israel2 he has thought out his subject for himself1 and gives us a real exposition in eloquent language1 such as will be valued by ,bible students40--,english ,churchman4 ,,the ,,limitations ,,of ,,life1 ,,and ,,other ,,sermons4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 8,dr4 ,taylor's sermons are full of spiritual earnestness and power40--,london ,quarterly ,review4 ,,contrary ,,winds1 ,,and ,,other ,,sermons4 ,crown #hvo1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,john ,,knox4 ,price #as4 8,a short biography1 which has two great merits--it presents in short compass1 and yet in their true proportions1 all the important events of the ,reformer's life2 and the warm appreciation of ,knox's character and achievements by which it is pervaded is never allowed to descend to the level of mere undiscriminating eulogy40--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,veni ,,creator3 ,thoughts on the ,holy ,spirit of ,promise4 ,by the ,rev4 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,moule1 ,m4,a41 ,principal of ,ridley ,hall1 ,cambridge1 ,author of 8,outlines of ,christian ,doctrine10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,the ,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,psalms4 ,by the ,right ,rev4 ,w4 ,,pakenham ,,walsh1 ,d4,d41 ,lord ,bishop of ,ossory1 ,author of 8,the ,moabite ,stone10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,contents--,,introductory--,,voices ,,of ,,praise--,,voices ,,of ,,prayer--,,voices ,,of ,,instruction--,,voices ,,of ,,creation--,,voices ,,of ,,history--,,voices ,,of ,,immortality--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,sanctuary--,,voices ,,of ,,music--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,shepherd1 ,,the ,,warrior1 ,,and ,,the ,,outlaw--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,monarch1 ,,the ,,penitent1 ,,and ,,the ,,pilgrim--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,messiah1 ,,the ,,king1 ,,the ,,prophet ,,and ,,priest--,,voices ,,of ,,redemption--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,church--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,mission ,,field--,,voices ,,of ,,the ,,spiritual ,,life--,,voices ,,of ,,benediction4 ,,joints ,,in ,,our ,,social ,,armour4 ,by ,,james ,,runciman1 ,author of 8,a ,dream of the ,north ,sea10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,contents--,,the ,,ethics ,,of ,,the ,,drink ,,question--,,voyaging ,,at ,,sea--,,war--,,drink--,,concerning ,,people ,,who ,,know ,,they ,,are ,,going ,,wrong--,,the ,,social ,,influence ,,of ,,the 8,,bar0--,,friendship--,,disasters ,,at ,,sea--,a ,,rhapsody ,,of ,,summer--,,lost ,,days--,,midsummer ,,days ,,and ,,nights--,,dandies--,,genius ,,and ,,respectability--,,slang--,,pets--,,the ,,ethics ,,of ,,the ,,turf1 ,,etc4--,,discipline--,,bad ,,company--,,good ,,company--,,going ,a-,,walking--8,,sport0--,,degraded ,,men--,a ,,refinement ,,of 8,,sporting0 ,,cruelty4 ,,memorials ,,of ,,edwin ,,hatch1 ,d4,d41 sometime ,reader in ,ecclesiastical ,history in the ,university of ,oxford1 and ,rector of ,purleigh4 ,edited by ,,his ,,brother4 ,with ,portrait4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,,towards ,,fields ,,of ,,light3 ,sacred ,poems4 ,by the late ,rev4 ,,edwin ,,hatch1 ,d4,d4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 gilt edges1 #bs4 #f;d4 8,the high level of merit sustained throughout will insure a deep interest among lovers of devotional verse4 ,these poems maintain the traditions of the best ,english religious poetry40--,scotsman4 8,they are exquisitely beautiful40--,church ,review4 8,these delicate and thoughtful poems breathe the very spirit of their author1 broad1 simple1 and sincere40--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 ,,the ,,makers ,,of ,,modern ,,english4 ,by the ,rev4 ,w4 ,j4 ,,dawson1 ,author of 8,the ,threshold of ,manhood10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #es4 ,,contents--,,introductory--,,the ,,interval ,,before ,,the ,,dawn--,,robert ,,burns--,,lord ,,byron--,,percy ,,bysshe ,,shelley--,,john ,,keats--,,sir ,,walter ,,scott--,,coleridge--,,robert ,,southey--,,william ,,wordsworth--,,wordsworth',s ,,life ,,and ,,poetry--,,some ,,characteristics ,,of ,,his ,,poetry1 ,,etc4--,,the ,,humanitarian ,,movement ,,in ,,poetry3 ,,thomas ,,hood ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,browning--,,lord ,,tennyson3 ,,general ,,characteristics--,,treatment ,,of ,,nature--,,love ,,and ,,woman1 ,,etc4--,,robert ,,browning--,,browning',s ,,philosophy ,,of ,,life--,,the ,,spirit ,,of ,,browning',s ,,religion1 ,,etc4--,,matthew ,,arnold--,d4 ,g4 ,,rossetti--,a4 ,c4 ,,swinburne--,,william ,,morris4 ,,professor ,w4 ,g4 ,,elmslie1 ,d4,d43 ,memoir and ,remains4 ,edited by ,w4 ,,robertson ,,nicoll1 ,m4,a41 ,,ll4,d41 ,editor of ,the ,expositor4 ,with ,portrait1 crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #fs4 ,,rescuers ,,and ,,rescued3 ,experiences among our ,city ,poor4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,james ,,wells1 ,m4,a41 ,glasgow1 ,author of 8,christ and the ,heroes of ,christendom10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,until ,,the ,,day ,,break1 and ,other ,hymns and ,poems4 ,by the late ,rev4 ,,horatius ,,bonar1 ,d4,d4 ,crown #hvo1 price #es4 ,,contents--,,general ,,hymns--,,christmas ,,and ,,new ,,years' ,,hymns--,,hymns ,,of ,,israel--,,fragments4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,valuable ,,text ,,book4 ,,outlines ,,of ,,christian ,,doctrine4 ,by the ,rev4 ,h4 ,c4 ,g4 ,,moule1 ,m4,a41 ,principal of ,ridley ,hall1 ,cambridge4 ,third ,edition1 with new ,indexes4 ,fcap4 #hvo4 ,price #bs4 #f;d4 ,the ,guardian says3 8,mr4 ,moule has attempted a very difficult task1 and has at least succeeded in condensing an immense mass of information into a small compass4 ,it is perhaps superfluous to say that his work is characterized by great reverence from the first page to the last4 ,at every point the reader feels that he is reading a statement of theology which is the life of the writer4 ,in the more strictly theological part the summary is1 as a rule1 arranged and expressed excellently40 99 99 99 99 99 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 price #gs4 #f;d4 ,,life ,,inside ,,the ,,church ,,of ,,rome4 ,by ,m4 ,f4 ,,clare ,,cusack1 8,the ,nun of ,kenmare40 ,,notices ,,of ,,the ,,press4 8,miss ,cusack has a great deal to reveal1 and she speaks with no hesitating sound4 ,the book before us is something more than a revelation to the ,protestant world2 it is also a controversial treatise1 in popular form1 in which the doctrinal errors of the ,papacy are considered from the highest standpoint--the written ,word of ,god4 ,it is a book which should find a place on every ,protestant family's bookshelves40--,english ,churchman4 8,deserves to receive the earnest consideration of all who have any care whatever for the welfare of their country4 ,more than anything else its pages ought to open the eyes of the ritualists40--,city ,press4 8,we are not aware that there has been published any work which has exposed the inner life and working of the ,roman ,church as does the present volume4 ,it is surprising to see what a keen insight ,miss ,cusack has into the whole ,romish system--political1 social1 and literary40--,rock4 8,this most interesting1 important1 and even sensational book4''' ,we heartily commend it1 and thank most heartily the talented authoress for her faithfulness in revealing the hidden evils of ,romanism40--,protestant ,observer4 8,some of the instances related by ,miss ,cusack are heartrending4 ,the ,romish ,church to-day1 as ever1 is built on lies1 forgeries1 shameless misrepresentations of history and the positions of opponents1 and suppressions of the truth40--,christian ,world4 8,if there be any belated ,protestant in the present day who thinks that the ,papal ,apostasy is a branch of the true ,church of ,christ1 and that it is capable of being used by ,god as an instrument for the elevation of mankind1 we would advise him to read the ,nun of ,kenmare's new book4 ,miss ,cusack1 like many others1 was beguiled for a season1 but painful experience opened her eyes to the true nature of this cleverly devised1 but corrupt and tyrannical organisation4 ,it is clear from her recital that the continued existence of ,popery as a religious 7or rather1 irreligious7 system1 rests on the dense ignorance of its votaries4 ,even a slight knowledge of revealed truth would be fatal to the pretensions of the ,papacy4 ,the author tells us that the best educated of ,roman ,catholics are entirely ignorant of the ,bible4 ,the great duty of the hour is to enlighten these unhappy people as to the true nature of the system that enslaves them4 ,under the circumstances1 that is no easy task1 but we are hopeful that it is being gradually accomplished2 and ,miss ,cusack's book would go far to bring it about if the mass of ,romanists could have the opportunity of reading it40--,christian4