,,transcriber',s ,,notes4 ,unusual and  
inconsistent spelling1 grammar     and  
punctuation have been preserved4        
,obvious typographical errors     have  
been silently corrected and the text has
 been changed     according to the      
errata listed at the end of the         
published text4     ,underscores are    
used to represent italics4 ,small       
capitals have     been converted to all 
capitals4 ,the table of contents was    
added by     the transcriber4       ,a  
,,sketch ,,of ,,the ,,life ,,of         
,,elizabeth ,t4 ,,stone1    ,,and ,,of  
,,her ,,persecutions1    ,,with ,,an    
,,appendix    ,,of ,,her    ,,treatment 
,,and ,,sufferings    ,,while ,,in ,,the
    ,,charlestown ,mc,l,e,a,n ,,assylum1
    ,,where ,,she ,,was ,,confined      
,,under ,,the    ,,pretence ,,of        
,,insanity4     #ahdb3    ,,printed     
,,for ,,the ,,author4       ,,table ,,of
 ,,contents                             
,,page   ,,preface4                     
#c   ,,remarks4                         

#cc   ,,closing ,,remarks ,,to          
,,christians4  #cg   ,,errata4          
#db     ,,preface4   ,feeling that the  
public is very much deceived concerning 
the treatment and situation of a poor   
afflicted class of the human family1 who
 are placed in the ,mc,lean ,assylum at 
,charlestown1 by their relatives1 and   
are left in the hands of strangers1     
subjected to the treatment of those     
whose hearts are hardened by being long 
accustomed to human suffering1 and who  
are ignorant and unqualified1 ,i will   
expose this matter to the public1 in    
behalf of the afflicted1 in connection  
with the awful1 brutal outrage that has 
been committed upon me in consequence of
 indisposition resulting from hard labor
 and persecution1 so the public may be  
warned against placing their friends    
there1 especially if they would not have
 them ill-treated or suffer             
unnecessarily4  ,first1 ,i shall give a 
short sketch of my life down to the time
 when ,i was carried to the ,hospital2  

then an account of the ,,crime in       
connection with the treatment ,i        
received there1 until ,i was taken out4 
,i feel that this should particularly   
interest the christian world2 but       
whether it is believed or not1 ,i am    
determined to publish it1 that the      
people of ,god may take care of their   
own people in time of persecution at the
 expense of one's life1 whether father1 
mother1 brother1 or sister step in      
between4 ,the unconverted do not        
understand spirituality1 therefore a    
weak1 persecuted christian should not be
 consigned to their hands4 ,if others   
who have suffered this cruelty before me
 7as ,dr4 ,fox says that both male and  
female christians have been destroyed   
there before7 had published and exposed 
the wicked crime to the world1 ,i might 
have been saved from suffering here and 
hereafter4 ,it is covered up under the  
garb of derangement1 but ,i am willing  
to let the world know it1 that others   
may be saved from these awful outrages  

of the wicked at the present day4 ,i    
know that the world in general is       
ignorant of this crime--of the fact that
 ,doctors do possess knowledge of giving
 medicine to take away from a person the
 spirit of ,christ1--but ,i have        
suffered it4  ,i was born in ,westford1 
,mass4 ,my father was a mechanic1 and   
poor2 my mother being often sick1 with a
 family of #g boys and #c girls1 we were
 all sent out young upon the world1 to  
get our own living4 ,i being the        
youngest girl1 was left at home alone4  
,the peculiar situation which ,i        
sustained in the family1 being early    
disowned by my father as his lawful     
child1 he being intemperate at the time1
 may be imagined4 ,i was often the      
object of his wrath1 though in his sober
 hours ,i was kindly treated by him1 as 
he was a man of tender feelings4 ,but my
 mother's affections were always        
alienated from me1 and ,i always felt   
the want of a mother's love1 and        
consequently became very unhappy4 ,i    

determined to seek my own living and    
share the same fate of the rest of the  
family by buffeting a cold unfeeling    
world4  ,at the age of fifteen ,i       
resorted to the factories in ,lowell1   
where ,i found employment and became    
expert at the business4 ,knowing that ,i
 had myself to take care of and no one  
to depend upon1 ,i was ambitious and    
often asked my overseer for the         
privilege of tending double work1 which 
was often granted2 and as ,i had the    
means of providing for my own wants and 
some to spare1 ,i became restless and   
often wished ,i had the means to go to  
school1 as my mother often told her     
children to get learning--it was what   
the world could not take from us2 7but  
,o1 alas6 mine has been taken from me by
 medicine1 being given to me in an      
artful manner to harden my brains1 and  
the brain is the seat of the mind and   
the mind is the store-house of          
knowledge7 and ,i felt the want of it as
 ,i became advanced in years and went   

into society4 ,i soon began to make     
arrangments to place myself at some     
school4 ,i went home at the age of      
eighteen and went to the ,academy in    
,westford three or four months1 and     
then1 in the year #ahcd1 the first of   
,may1 ,i started for ,new ,hampton in   
company with a young lady from ,boston1 
she being my only acquaintance4 ,i found
 the school very pleasant1 and the      
teachers were ardently pious4 ,it was   
now that ,i felt that ,god had often    
called after me and ,i had refused to   
obey him for my teacher said without the
 mind was enlightened by the ,spirit of 
,christ it was not prepared for         
knowledge4 ,this increased the carnal   
state of my heart against religion1 for 
it appeared to me like foolishness1 for 
there was nothing but the simple        
religion of ,jesus ,christ1 no          
disputing1 no sectarian spirit1 and ,i  
was surrounded by the prayers of my     
teachers and the pious scholars4 ,but ,i
 withstood all the entreaties through   

the summer term4 ,i was determined not  
to get religion when there was much said
 about it1 for ,i looked upon it as     
excitement1 as many others foolishly    
call it4 ,there were about one hundred  
and five scholars1 and at the end of the
 term all but three of us professed to  
have an interest in ,christ4 ,during the
 vacation ,i could not throw off the    
conviction that had seized hold of my   
mind1 that ,god in his mercy had spared 
my life1 and permitted me to enjoy this 
last privilege4 ,at the commencement of 
the ,fall term as usual1 we all         
assembled on ,sunday morning--the       
professors in the ,hall above1 while the
 unconverted were in the ,hall below--to
 hear the ,scriptures explained4 ,miss4 
,sleeper1 one of the teachers1 that     
assembled with us1 came directly to me  
after the exercises were over and asked 
me if ,i felt as ,i did during the last 
term4 ,i told her no4 ,she said she was 
very glad of it and hoped ,i should not 
leave off seeking until ,i found the    

,savior4 ,i felt that ,i had committed  
myself1 that ,i now could not draw back1
 that ,i must persevere on and let the  
world know that ,i needed a ,saviour to 
save me from acting out the wicked state
 of my heart4 ,i could not throw it off4
 ,on ,monday evening all the unconverted
 were invited by our much loved teacher1
 ,miss4 ,haseltine1 to meet her at the  
,hall4 ,accordingly ,i went in company  
with several other young ladies4 ,after 
reading the ,scriptures and addressing  
us very affectionately1 she asked us to 
kneel down and join her in prayer4      
,accordingly ,i did so1 but ,i thought  
,i was more hardened than ever2 and felt
 ashamed that ,i was on my bended knees2
 but wishing to act from principle and  
to prove whether there was any reality  
in what my teacher said about religion1 
,i was determined to persevere on1      
although it was contrary to my carnal   
state of heart4 ,accordingly ,i told    
every one that ,i meant to know the real
 religion of ,jesus ,christ and live up 

to it1 if it was what they said it was4 
,i attended all the meetings and was    
willing to do any thing that ,i thought 
,i ought to do2 but ,i began to think   
that ,i had grieved the ,holy ,spirit   
and was about giving up seeking any     
longer until ,i should feel1 as very    
often ,i did before in meetings and then
 ,i should have religion4 ,this was on  
,saturday1 a fortnight after ,i was     
willing to own that ,i felt the need of 
an interest in ,christ4 ,on my way home 
from school1 a young lady overtook me   
and inquired what was the state of my   
feelings1 ,i frankly told her what was  
my conclusion4 ,she then told me how she
 found the ,saviour--how she sought     
three years2 but all that time she said 
she was seeking conviction when she     
ought to have sought forgiveness and    
told me that ,i must seek for immediate 
forgiveness1 and asked me if ,i was     
willing to4 ,i told her that ,i would1  
for ,i found that ,i had been seeking   
conviction and was already convicted4   

,accordingly ,i went home1 and after    
dinner took my ,bible and retired alone 
to a grove not far distant1 where ,i    
spent the afternoon in reading and      
praying1 but did not find any change in 
my feelings4 ,i was summonds to tea by  
the ringing of the bell4 ,i went in and 
took my seat at the table1 but while    
sitting there ,i thought ,i was acting  
foolishly1 that ,i ought not to eat1    
drink1 or sleep1 until ,i found         
forgivness4 ,i rose from the table and  
retired to my room and knelt down and   
asked ,god what ,i should do in order to
 be forgiven2 then rose up and was      
sitting down by the table with my head  
upon my hand wondering what ,i should   
do1 when something seemed to say to me1 
open the door of your heart and admit   
me4 ,i immediately thought ,i could not 
without ,i was better1 but something    
said no1 now4 ,i thought the next day   
being ,sunday1 ,i would1 after ,i had   
been to church2 but no1 the voice said  
now--that ,i said ,i would4 ,if ,christ 

would but receive me1 ,i would him just 
as ,i was4 ,i thought ,i would4 ,i rose 
and walked across the room1 and was     
frightened to think what ,i had said2   
that ,i had entered into a covenant with
 ,god4 ,at that time a young lady1 ,mary
 ,ann ,burbank1 entered the room and    
asked me if ,i was going to meeting1 as 
it was customary to have a female prayer
 meeting at the hall on ,saturday       
evening4 ,i told her yes4 ,she said it  
was too late4 ,i told her ,i was going1 
7,i thought if they were just coming out
 ,i would go47 ,i put on my things1 and 
she said she would go with me4          
,accordingly we went out of the house   
together and said nothing to each other4
 ,i thought of nothing in particular2   
but as we were walking and had got a rod
 or two from the house1 ,i thought how  
fast ,i was walking1 and how earnest ,i 
was to get there4 ,i spoke to ,miss     
,burbank and said that ,i never went to 
a place with so much eagerness in my    
life4 ,she asked me if ,i felt better4  

,i told her that ,i never was so happy  
in my life4 ,she said she was glad2 she 
had been recently baptized4 ,i had      
before not liked her very well1 but now 
,i loved her with all my heart1 because 
she had owned the ,savior before the    
world4 ,i immediately thought of the    
balls and parties that ,i had been to1  
and it seemed nothing to what it would  
be to get into a prayer meeting4 ,it    
seemed that the ,bible ,i had never read
 and that ,i knew nothing about it and  
when ,i tried to think of it the        
passages flowed into my mind faster than
 ,i could repeat2 the first passage ,i  
thought of was the ,greeks foolishness  
to the ,jews1 but to them that believe  
,christ the power of ,god unto          
salvation1 and many others4 ,it seemed  
that ,i stepped out of one world into   
another4 ,i went into the hall and they 
were singing1 and then they knelt down  
and prayed4 ,a young lady prayed for me1
 seeing me on my knees4 ,i longed to    
have her close her prayer to tell them  

what ,god had done for me4 ,as we rose  
,i opened my mouth and words flowed     
faster than ,i could speak1 ,i blessed  
and praised ,god and asked them all to  
forgive me for the opposition that ,i   
had manifested towards them for their   
entreating me to be reconciled to ,god4 
,there was great rejoicing over me4     
,some wept1 some prayed1 and some sang4 
,it was a happy time4 ,some that were   
seeking seeing me so happy said they    
were determined to find the ,savior that
 night and two young ladies that boarded
 with me did1 to the joy of their souls4
 ,i felt that ,i had a new life to live 
and was determined to live it4 ,i loved 
all the people of ,god1 and my feelings 
soon began to be tried by seeing the    
divisions that were among them2 but ,i  
was determined not to have any thing to 
do with it1 but meant to keep the faith 
as it was once delivered to the ,saints1
 that is1 to keep the love previous to  
my conversion4 ,i had always thought    
that immersion was right1 and still     

thought so2 but still ,i loved to hear  
sinners called to repentance1 and to    
join in prayer with any one that told   
how ,christ saved them daily from       
sinning4 ,i felt that ,i must own the   
,savior in all my ways and words1 for it
 was what ,i loved1 and ,i hated the sin
 that was in my heart and often cried   
out1 ,o wretched person that ,i am1 who 
shall deliver me from this body of sin  
and death4 ,i longed to be freed from   
sin4 ,i soon began to think of becoming 
a missionary1 that is1 to go to the far 
distant heathen who had never heard of  
the ,gospel4 ,i asked ,god what ,i      
should do4 ,i was determined to do what 
,god gave me to do at the expense of my 
life1 for ,i counted not my life dear   
unto me1 and soon the spirit led me in  
prayer for my parents1 but how could    
they be converted without the way of    
salvation was explained to them8 ,they  
did not attend public worship2 they     
believed that they should be saved when 
they should die2 but ,i had found a     

,saviour that saved me here from        
sinning1 for the love of ,god           
constrained me to lay down all earthly  
enjoyments when they came in contact    
with any thing that ,i must do for      
,christ4 ,i thought ,i would go to them 
and tell them1 thinking they would      
believe me4 ,accordingly on my return   
from school ,i visited my parents1 but  
not until the ,spring1 on fast day1 with
 my youngest brother4 ,we passed the day
 very agreeably4 ,i told them that ,i   
had met with a change1 but said but     
little1 as ,i did not wish to argue the 
point1 for they were both against me and
 said they thought ,i had got my brain  
turned by studying too much4 ,but ,i    
knew ,i must bear this and greater      
things if ,i wished to do my heavenly   
,father's will1 which was my meat and   
drink4 ,i left home without praying for 
them1 which ,i felt condemned for4 ,i   
resolved if ,god would spare my life to 
go home again ,i would bear the cross of
 ,christ4 ,during the winter my mind had

 been much tried about the two          
ordinances2 and what to do1 ,i did not  
know1 for ,i wished to give a reasonable
 answer why ,i went with one class of   
,god's people more than another4 ,i     
boarded with a ,mr ,washburn1 a very    
pious man belonging to the ,first       
,congregational church in ,lowell4--,i  
said nothing to him about forms and     
ceremonies1 nor he to me2 but ,i came to
 the conclusion to be an immersed       
,congregationalist1 because they        
admitted all to the communion that had  
professed the ,savior before the world4 
,i concluded to return to school1 and   
called upon ,mrs ,tilton1 one of my     
acquiantance that belonged to the       
,baptist ,church4 ,she asked me why ,i  
had not been in to see her1 and she     
thought my mind had been tried about    
baptism4 ,i told her not in the least1  
for ,i always thought immersion was     
right but my mind was tried about the   
communion--why all the people of ,god   
could not come together4 ,she said that 

she had a little book she would lend me 
to read4 ,i took it and went home and   
read it2 it was upon ,church and        
,christian fellowship4 ,i thought it    
explained it to my mind and told her ,i 
was thankful for it2 but as ,i was to   
start for ,new ,hampton the next day    
could not be baptized there4 ,i arrived 
at ,new ,hampton the second week in     
,may1 #ahce1 and met once more my much  
loved teachers4 ,during the ,summer term
 my mind was much taken up with my      
studies1 and the religious state of     
feeling was very low4 ,there were no    
conversions during this term4 ,at the   
commencement of the ,fall term our      
teacher addressed us upon the subject   
and hoped that each one would do        
something to win sinners to ,christ4    
,all felt it1 and again ,god poured out 
his ,holy ,spirit and sinners were      
slain2 my health was poor and ,i was    
about leaving school on account of my   
limited means4 ,my teacher asked me if  
,i was not going to be baptized before  

,i left school1 together with some other
 young ladies4 ,i had always thought ,i 
was willing1 should the opportunity be  
presented4 ,here ,i had a trial1 but    
went forward with some others1          
determined never to disobey ,god of     
keeping his commandments or doing       
whatever the love of ,god constrained me
 to do1 however crossing it was to my   
carnal feelings4 ,i returned to ,lowell 
and resumed my labor1 still feeling     
determined to procure an education to go
 to the poor heathen to carry the news  
of salvation2 but my means became       
limited and ,i was obliged to use       
prudence in reference to my dress and   
spending my time4 ,my oldest sister     
proposed to have me come and work with  
her at the tailoress business in        
,boston1 and this sister ,i had ardently
 loved and looked up to for advice4 ,but
 ,i was making very good wages at that  
time and thought it not best for me to  
go then2 although ,i wanted a trade to  
help me along in case ,i should go among

 the poor and destitute4 ,but as my     
sister ,nancy's health was not good at  
that time ,i proposed for her to go to  
,boston and ,i would come in the ,fall  
or early in the ,winter1 which was      
agreed to4 ,i concluded to go to work   
with my sister until the slack time     
should come on in the ,winter1 and then 
,i thought ,i should go to ,charlestown 
,seminary to finish my education1 as we 
were all to board ourselves4            
,accordingly ,i left the mill again and 
when ,i got to my sister's they were    
just on the point of separating4 ,i     
stepped in between and proposed to      
reconcile matters for we all belonged to
 the ,baptist ,church1 and for own      
character and the cause of ,christ ,i   
thought it best to keep together4 ,but  
it was not possible1 we could not agree1
 though sister ,mary and ,i had never   
before disagreed1 and probably never    
should had it not been for sister       
,nancy4 ,it was a sore trial to me and  
,i often thought that my last earthly   

friend was taken from me4 ,i had loved  
sister ,mary until it had become a sin  
in the sight of a holy ,god1 that ,i had
 been governed about my spiritual life  
by her in part1 and that ,he saw fit to 
seperate us4 ,through the invitation of 
my brother ,eben's wife ,i went to stay 
with her and had regular pay lest there 
should be any room for unpleasant       
feelings1 ,i spent the winter with her  
at ,jamaica ,plain very happy1 but ,i   
began to think that ,i was not living as
 ,i ought to2 that ,i could be the means
 of doing more good by working in the   
mill and getting more money for the     
cause of ,christ and come in contact    
with more minds to pursuade them to     
become reconciled to ,god4 ,but again ,i
 was tried about pursuing an education1 
not having means to do with4 ,what to do
 ,i did not know1 and at times was      
almost tempted to ask assistance of my  
brothers1 but for fear of being refused 
,i dared not1 for they never seemed to  
take any interest in the welfare of     

their sisters4 ,my oldest sister was    
often sick and was not helped by them3  
therefore ,i was determined to do what  
,i could without asking help4 ,i left my
 brother's in ,june #ahcf1 not decided  
what to do4 ,aware that in some branches
 ,i was not qualified sufficiently to   
take a young ladies' school1 ,i went    
home not decided what to do1 but thought
 ,i would go with a young lady that ,i  
was acquainted with in ,westford under  
private instruction1 and accordingly    
went and stayed with her till ,fall4 ,a 
new ,precepter was about opening the    
,academy in ,westford1 and ,i resolved  
to go the ,winter term1 and accordingly 
provided myself with a boarding place at
 ,mr ,niehols1 where ,i found it very   
pleasant4 ,they were both pious and ,i  
became very much attached to ,mrs ,n4   
and found the school very pleasant for  
the branches that ,i wished to pursue2  
but on account of a change in this      
family ,i was under the necessity of    
getting another boarding place2 then ,i 

went to a ,mr ,george ,davis' where ,i  
had always been acquainted1 and found   
every thing pleasant and was happy4 ,but
 my health began to fail me1 being      
troubled with the ,ticdoloreux4  ,not   
having the means to continue any longer 
at school1 so poor was my health at that
 time1 ,i began to think of returning to
 ,lowell2 but about this time a book was
 circulating1 relative to the day of    
,judgment being near at hand4 ,i        
obtained it and read it1 and found that 
it was nothing but explaining the       
,scriptures according to my view in a   
historical manner1 or the preaching the 
,gospel in its purity4 ,i felt prepared 
to meet ,christ1 but was often asked    
what ,i thought of it8 ,i told them it  
was a sweet subject to me1 for ,i longed
 to be with him who had loved me and    
given himself for me and was willing to 
do all for ,him while ,i stayed upon the
 earth and did not know how ,i could    
alter my life if it was true1 for if ,i 
was not prepared ,i should prepare      

myself4 ,but ,i had already given my    
heart to the ,lord and was trying to    
live to his honor and glory4 ,the       
subject was very much agitated in       
,westford4 ,i soon left and went to     
,lowell1 and tried to obtain a book1 but
 could not1 and no one seemed to know   
any thing about it4 ,i went into the    
factory to work1 but soon an old        
acquaintance1 ,nancy ,sanborn1 come to  
see me4 ,she had always anticipated     
going off to teach4 ,we proposed opening
 a school in ,lowell for young ladies1  
but my health was not good and ,i had   
nothing to do with1 and something seemed
 to say to me1 what you do1 do quickly1 
for the end of all things is just at    
hand4 ,i went to ,god in prayer to ask  
,him what to do4 ,i listened to the     
,saviour's voice which constrained me to
 win souls to ,christ by living out my  
religion around me by the way of the    
spirit and not of learning2 but at that 
time ,god had suffered me to be carried 
away into ,babylon and become a         

worshipper of the ,god of learning4 ,my 
friend1 ,nancy ,sanborn left me and     
returned home and ,i concluded to live  
in the factory for every plan that ,i   
laid seemed to be thwarted4 ,i often had
 something given to me to do by ,god    
which ,i found was contrary to my carnal
 feelings4 ,i boarded at this time with 
a ,mrs ,king1 on the ,boot              
corporation4--,my sister ,nancy wanted  
to come and board with me4 ,we never had
 agreed from little children1 and twice 
,i had left the mill on her account and 
my boarding house1 and as ,i always     
thought if it had not been for her ,i   
and my sister ,m4 never would have      
disagreed4 ,but ,i thought if it was in 
me ,i would conquer it at the expense of
 the last feeling ,i had in me2 but here
 was another firey trial of my faith4 ,i
 ever carried all my actions before the 
judgment seat of ,christ4 ,i felt ,i was
 not my own1 ,i was bought with a       
price--the precious blood of the ,lamb4 
,my object was to get money to go to the

 ,west as a teacher to win souls to     
,christ4 ,my sister was taken sick and  
,i staid out of the mill to take care of
 her4 ,i was at this time tending double
 work4 ,when the physician called upon  
her we were drawn in conversation about 
people in general taking too much       
medicine4 ,i was innocent about giving  
any offence4 ,i took the directions     
about my sister's medicine1 and after   
the ,doctor had left the house spoke    
about her taking it4 ,she said she      
should not take it and did not wish me  
to do any thing for her2 but would say  
no more4 ,i told her that it was foolish
 for me to stay out of the mill if she  
would not let me take care of her1 and  
began to reason the case2 but could not 
prevail upon her and feared that we     
should again fall out4 ,i endeavored to 
keep my feelings under and try to do for
 her whether she would let me or not2   
but it did no good4 ,my acquaintance was
 a circle of young ladies of            
respectability and we had prayer        

meetings and ,i had been very forward in
 them--,i had had an evening school and 
opened it with prayer4 ,to have a       
falling out with my sister would hurt   
the casuse of ,christ1 which was dearer 
to me than my life4 ,i keep it to myself
 and tried to get along1 for when there 
is difficulty there is blame on both    
sides2 but it kindled to a flame1 yet ,i
 said but little about it4 ,but ,i      
counted it all joy1 for it humbled me1  
for my earthly character was like the   
apple of my eye to me1 and ,i came to   
the conclusion that it was better to    
board apart4 ,i therefore determined to 
change my boarding place1 and say       
nothing about it to any one4 ,i went to 
,boston on a visit and engaged my       
boarding place before ,i went1 at ,mrs  
,lufkin's1 a member of the first        
,baptist ,church in ,lowell4 ,on my     
visit to ,boston ,i met with a young    
lady at my brother's by the name of     
,caroline ,dammers1 that was out of     
employment1 and had been for some time4 

,i was informed that she was in a       
destitute situation and professed to be 
a follower of the ,lamb4 ,i proposed for
 her to come up to ,lowell1 and she     
would find employment there of some     
kind1 thinking it was not right for any 
one to live so1 for it was not setting a
 good example2 and as she had no one to 
do for her1 my religion led me to do all
 that ,i could for the friendless1      
feeling myself a stranger and a pilgrim 
here below4 ,accordingly on my return   
she came and ,i soon found her a        
situation1 and she being an orphan ,i   
thought ,i could help her1 for pure     
religion is doing good for the widow and
 the orphan4 ,i boarded at ,mrs         
,lufkin's until warm weather and        
,caroline ,dammers boarded with me and  
worked on the ,suffolk4 ,it being too   
far for her to walk in warm weather ,i  
proposed to change my boarding place to 
make it nearer for her4  ,mr ,lufkin's  
sister was about opening a boarding     
house on the ,boot corporation4 ,i had  

become somewhat acquainted with her at  
her brother's and liked her very much   
while her brother's folks went on a     
visit to their friends4 ,here was the   
only time that ever ,i was sick or      
needed any medical assistance4 ,my      
stomach was a little nauseated and ,i   
sent for ,dr ,wheelock ,graves and he   
gave me an emetic3 afterwards ,i called 
upon him once and got a receipe for a   
cough and paid him2 this was in the     
summer of #ahdj4 ,my health was always  
delicate1 but ,i was very careful what  
,i did2 very seldom went out evenings1  
not so much as to an evening meeting or 
to expose myself to the evening air in  
any way1 hoping that at some future     
period ,i should be so situated as to be
 able to live more devoted to the       
blessed cause of ,christ2 but ,i        
endeavored to show piety at home4 ,i had
 embraced the views that the day of     
judgment was near at hand and ,i felt to
 double my diligence to obtain the means
 to spread the ,gospel4 ,i loved ,god   

and the people of ,god1 for where sin   
abounded grace much more abounded1 ,i   
felt a desire that ,god would pour out  
his holy spirit and that sinners might  
be converted1 and began to call upon the
 ,lord and to my surprise ,i found      
myself in a back-slidden state2 that ,i 
had lost the liberty whereby ,christ had
 made me free4  ,how ,i got back there  
,i did not know1 but the way ,i found   
the ,savior was by owning him before the
 world and ,i knew the only way was to  
go and sow to the spirit4 ,i began to   
ask the ,lord what he would have me to  
do1 and thing after thing was given me1 
but was accused of believing in         
,miller's doctrine1 as it is called4 ,i 
found that it was about to bring upon me
 reproach and ,i denied it and then ,i  
was troubled4 ,i could not rest day nor 
night1 and ,i felt that ,i was not      
prepared to meet ,him1 and ,i bowed     
myself before the ,lord and asked the   
,lord what ,he would have me to do2 and 
soon ,i was sent with message after     

message to the people of ,god where it  
was my usual custom to assemble1 as it  
was the privilege of the females to give
 a word of exhortation4 ,said nothing to
 any one1 but was determined to do what 
the ,lord bid me1 and to walk in the    
,lord4 ,my mind was unbiased by the     
errors in theology1 or any creeds or    
doctrine of men4 ,all ,i knew was the   
simple religion of ,jesus ,christ1 and  
the ,bible was my guide4 ,i must obey   
,god and keep his commandments4 ,at this
 time the subject of the union of       
christians was much agitated2 the       
divisions of them had been a source of  
grief to me ever since ,i was converted1
 and the union of them was something    
sweet if there was any ground on which  
they could be united4 ,elder ,holly was 
lecturing at this time upon it and      
showed by the ,bible the ground on which
 they could be united4 ,i asked the     
,lord what he would have me to do1 and  
went to the ,bible for instruction4 ,in 
,revelations it says that whoever takes 

from the sayings of the prophecy of that
 book his part shall be taken out of the
 holy city1 c4 ,rev4 #ab chap4 #ahth1   
#aith verses1 ,i found that articles of 
faith both took from and added there    
unto and already ,i felt the plagues    
upon me4 ,i cried unto the ,lord1 for ,i
 could say with ,david1 the pangs of    
hell got hold of me and death           
encompassed me round about4 ,i called   
upon the ,lord and he heard me out of   
,his ,holy habitation4 ,i told no one of
 my situation for ,i thought it was the 
,lord that was dealing with me and had  
got to have a trial of my faith1 ,i felt
 that ,i was willing to die a martyr    
rather than to deny ,jesus ,christ      
before the world4 ,it was the last ,idol
 ,i held in my heart ,i must give up4   
,it was my earthly character2 ,i must go
 without the camp and bear reproach for 
,christ4 ,i went to see my minister1 and
 told him how the ,lord was dealing with
 me4 ,i told him how the ,lord had shown
 me that articles of faith were a sin by

 the ,bible and that ,i did not want any
 thing to do with pursuasions4 ,i wanted
 to keep ,god's commandments1 for ,i    
hated the very garment that was spotted 
with the flesh2 ,i would have my name   
taken off the church books1 but not off 
his heart1 for ,i loved the people of   
,god4 ,i wanted to go to the communion  
table and still held to the ordinance of
 baptism2 but ,i wanted to get out of   
sin4 ,he said if ,i did not walk with   
the church in peace1 he must            
excommunicate me4 ,i asked her          
forgivness if ,i had said anything that 
had injured his feelings1 for ,i only   
wanted to get out of sin and ,i must    
work out my own salvation with fear and 
trembling4 ,he then told me if ,i did   
not come back into the bosom of the true
 church he would excommunicate me and   
that would ruin my reputation4 ,i told  
him that ,i was willing to die if ,i    
could but win souls to ,christ2 but ,i  
hated sin1 and therefore he must do as  
he thought best1 as it was not flesh and

 blood that ,i had any thing to do with1
 neither were weapons carnal4 ,this was 
at his house1 ,i think in the month of  
,june4 ,i bid him a good morning and on 
my way home ,i felt to bless and praise 
,god4 ,on the next ,sabbath ,i attended 
church at ,elder ,cole's1 the ,christian
 denomination4 ,the word of the ,lord   
was sweet to me1 as it was now ,i wanted
 the word of the ,lord to support me and
 to comfort me4 ,i wanted to hear       
nothing but the sweets of redeeming     
love4 ,in three weeks ,i went to see ,mr
 ,porter1 he being my minister4 ,i was  
excommunicated2 but it brought me out in
 a happy state4 ,i continued my labor1  
which was tending three looms2 but often
 spoke of what the ,lord had done for me
 and how plain the ,bible was to me4 ,i 
attended a meeting held at ,groton on   
the union of christians1 to hear what   
was to be said4 ,it was there where ,i  
received the baptism of the ,holy       
,ghost1 as previous to this ,i had been 
baptized with fire in coming out of the 

,baptist church3 for as ,i received     
,christ so ,i walked in him1 which was  
walking in the love2 for cursed is he   
that doeth the work of the ,lord        
deceitfully1 after the manner they      
called heresy4 ,so worship ,i the ,god  
of my ,fathers4 ,i often spoke of my    
spiritual life1 and many observed that  
they never saw any one enjoy so much4 ,i
 continued my labor and attended the    
appointed meetings with my own people   
that worshipped ,god according to my    
views1 and ,i was received by them and  
went with no others1 for the people of  
,god should be peace makers and let     
every one worship ,god after their own  
way4 ,there arose violent persecutions  
against me1 but as my forerunner had    
suffered before me1 so must ,i suffer4  
,i often thought that ,i would give up  
my business and labor entirely for the  
,lord2 and then ,i thought what should  
,i do for a home8 ,i felt the want of   
one1 and my youngest brother had been   
sick and ,i thought he might be         

embarrassed in his circumstances1 and if
 ,i helped him in temporal things he    
would hear me in spiritual2 and ,i was  
very anxious to help him1 as he had done
 much for our parents when he was quite 
young1 while my older brothers who were 
quite wealthy1 did not help them1       
comparatively speaking4 ,i had done much
 for this brother1 feeling anxious to   
see him get along in the world1 and     
therefore ,i was diligent to my labors4 
,but ,i began to feel that ,i could not 
work any longer at present4 ,the week   
before ,i was carried to the hospital ,i
 thought ,i would go to my minister and 
tell him my situation4 ,i went to his   
house1 but he was not at home4 ,i then  
went and conversed with brother ,fiske  
who was knowing to my persecutions1 and 
he advised me to go and see ,elder      
,cole4 ,i told him he was not at home1  
and ,i knew not what to do4 ,i still    
continued my work and did not go home2  
it was not the place for me1 as my      
parents were not spiritual minded1 and  

in my weak state ,i felt ,i could not   
bear opposition1 and ,i hated sin so ,i 
could not contend1 for a child of       
contention is a child of hell4 ,on      
,sunday morning1 ,nov4 #bb;d1 #ahdj1    
while ,i was conversing with a very     
pious lady that slept with me about how 
,god had dealt with me1 and how ,i had  
disobeyed the spirit1 being often called
 upon to speak1 how awful it would be to
 be cast off from the ,lord1 ,i told her
 that ,i was bound in the spirit1 and   
asked her if ,i kept the commandments of
 ,god if he would cast me off8 ,she said
 no4 ,but here was the first of my      
weakness that gave place for satan to   
arrange his host to take me4 ,why ,i    
gave up to such weakness ,i know not1   
nor can ,i account for it1 except ,i had
 overdone myself4 ,there was no distress
 of mind1 and if there was1 it was no   
reason why ,i should not have been      
treated with common humanity1 for ,i    
offered no insult to any one1 or treated
 any one ill4 ,i only spoke of my own   

situation and asked them to do for me   
and not let me do wickedly4 ,miss ,elza 
,lufkin came into the room1 the lady    
whom ,i boarded with1 and asked me what 
was the matter4 ,i began to talk to her 
about my situation and to tell her how  
good religion was1 and asked her to have
 it4 ,upon that she said many unkind    
things to me4 ,i saw that she was angry 
with me4 ,why she should treat me so ,i 
did not know1 for ,i had been very      
careful to observe all regulations and  
rules of her house1 and never spoke     
about temporal things1 to find fault4   
,she had opposed me in attending my     
appointed meetings1 and thought that ,i 
might go to a meeting that was nearer2  
but ,i thought it was not right to go to
 any other than where ,i was received by
 relating my experience1 and that ,i    
ought to be my own judge4 ,but the way  
of the ,lord is contrary to the natural 
state of the heart4 ,since ,i came out  
of the hospital ,miss ,lufkin has told  
me that she was never so angry in her   

life as she was with me4 ,if my religion
 had displeased her she ought to have   
told me so when ,i was well1 and ,i     
would have found another place1 and not 
waited until ,i was in a weak state and 
then take the advantage of my weakness4 
,my sister ,nancy came in to see me and 
began to scold me4 ,i told her it was   
very wicked1 she was not where she ought
 to be1 or she could not do so4 ,i arose
 and dressed myself and asked not to    
have any one of the unconverted come    
into my room4 ,i sent for ,elder ,cole1 
but he not knowing my situation1 sent   
word that it was not convenient4        
,brother ,james came in to see me and   
asked me to go home4 ,i thought it was  
not best in my weak state1 for ,i felt  
that ,i had no home1 as ,i was violently
 opposed by my parents4 ,i felt         
unwilling to leave my work1 as ,i was   
tending three looms1 and had calculated 
to make out a certain sum of money by   
the first of ,february1 for my brother  
,james4 ,i asked my sister to go and get

 me some assafoetida pills1 ,i took     
three of them and went to bed and slept 
sound all night4 ,in the morning ,i told
 my sister1 who slept with me1 ,i should
 not go in to work4 ,she then began to  
scold1 and shook me with anger1 because 
,i did not wish to rise4 ,then ,i asked 
her to let me alone1 and told her it was
 very wicked4 ,at that time ,miss       
,lufkin came into the room and told her 
to let me alone1 upon that she did1 and 
began to prepare to go to her work4 ,i  
asked her not to come back1 for ,i did  
not want her with me4 ,i thought she was
 not a proper person to be with me1 as  
she did not understand my spiritual     
life4 ,i went down and took my breakfast
 and returned up stairs to avoid my     
sister's saying anything4  ,soon my     
sister returned and ,i asked her to send
 for my minister4 ,she said ,i should   
not see him nor any one of those people4
 ,i began to reason with her1 and asked 
her why ,i could not see my own         
minister1 and if ,i had not a right to  

choose my own people to worship ,god    
with2 but ,i could not prevail upon her4
 ,i asked to see my brother ,james1 but 
this request was not granted4 ,i        
perceived my weakness was increasing and
 ,i thought the people of ,god ought to 
do for me4 ,this was on ,monday4 ,about 
#d o'clock in the afternoon ,dr4        
,wheelock ,graves came in to see me1 and
 sat about ten minutes and conversed    
mostly with my sister about ,mr4        
,miller1 saying that he ought to be     
horsewhipped or put in prison4 ,i       
concluded that my brother and sister had
 been telling him that ,i was one of his
 converts1 although my sister professes 
to be washed by the blood of the ,lamb4 
,the ,doctor felt of my pulse4 ,i told  
him he did not understand my situation4 
,he prescribed nothing for me and left  
the room1 my sister sat sewing and did  
nothing for me4 ,at night after the     
girls came out of the mill there was a  
great rush into my room1 which increased
 my excitement4 ,my room was full1 some 

saying one thing1 some another1 while   
others were laughing4 ,i asked ,esther  
,richer1 who stood laughing1 to go out1 
as she had opposed me much about        
attending meeting among the ,christian  
denomination4 ,upon that a good sister  
in ,christ by the name of ,townsend1    
said she thought there were too many in 
my room1 and then they all left me alone
 with my sister4 ,i thought ,i had      
hindered her some by her taking her work
 home from the shop1 and ,i offered to  
sew for her4 ,she took the work out of  
my hand and told me to go to bed4 ,my   
sister slept with me4 ,i spoke to her in
 the night1 and she scolded me for it4  
,as soon as ,i heard ,miss ,lufkin up in
 the morning ,i went to the door and    
asked her to take care of me and not let
 me do wickedly for my sister was unkind
 to me4 ,i felt the want of a kind      
friend4 ,she said she would1 and made a 
fire in my room4 ,i thought that ,i     
would give the world for a kind friend  
to take me and do for me4 ,again ,i     

plead to see ,elder ,cole1 my minister1 
or some one of the church4 ,she said it 
was all in vain for me to say anything  
about it4 ,about noon ,elder ,cole came 
down to see me1 hearing of my situation4
 ,he talked kindly to me2 thought ,i had
 worked too hard and over exerted       
myself1 and told me to take some        
valerian tea1 said he would send ,dr4   
,sprague to see me4 ,miss ,lufkin said  
she thought ,dr4 ,graves would tend me4 
,i told them ,i did not wish ,dr4       
,graves1 for he knew nothing about me   
nor spirituality4 ,i wanted ,dr4        
,sprague1 as he was knowing to my       
persecutions1 and his wife was a dear   
sister to me in ,christ ,jesus4 ,he had 
been down to see me1 but was not        
admitted4 ,i told ,elder ,cole ,i would 
do just as he told me4 ,my sister had   
asked me if she should send for brother 
,stephen8 ,i told her no1 for ,i did not
 wish him to know any thing about me1   
for he had so cruelly treated me1 which 
before this ,i had kept to myself4      

,likewise his wife had manifested the   
greatest hatred towards the present day 
reform of preparing to meet ,christ1 and
 warning others to be also ready1       
although she belongs to a congregational
 church4 ,but ,i had endeavored to keep 
the faith with her as with every one    
that professes to be a follower of the  
,lamb4 ,my sister took the advantage of 
my weakness1 and unknown to me1 sent for
 brother ,stephen to come and get me4   
,this brother resides in ,boston4 ,this 
was the third day from leaving my work2 
there had been nothing done for me1     
although ,i have since learned that many
 of my associates called and offered to 
do for me1 but were not permitted4 ,what
 kind of treatment is this in this      
,gospel land of light and liberty8 ,the 
spirit of the vilest persecutions began 
to be raised against me in that house1  
and now was a favorable opportunity for 
it to be completed4 ,about #d o'clock   
brother ,stephen came in and asked me to
 go down and spend ,thanksgiving with   

them1 as he was up on business1 and     
asked ,nancy and brother ,james         
likewise4 ,we all concluded to go2 but  
,i hesitated some1 for ,i never had gone
 any where after ,i had met with a      
change of heart1 without going to do    
,god service1 for ,i felt that ,i was   
not my own2 ,i was bought with a price1 
the precious blood of the ,lamb4        
,brother ,stephen said he would be there
 in half an hour4 ,i went and prepared  
myself2 took what work ,i thought ,i    
should want on a visit1 and was sitting 
in my room when my brother ,stephen and 
,dr4 ,graves came in4--,the ,doctor     
asked me if ,i was going on a visit with
 my brother8--,i told him yes4 ,they    
both went down stairs together into the 
front room1 and ,i went down and took my
 leave of the family4--,little did ,i   
think that ,dr4 ,graves was called in to
 give a line to have me carried into an 
,insane ,hospital--a poor girl that he  
knew nothing about1 nor the peculiar    
circumstances of the family1 that had   

always raised a report against me that  
,i was deranged ever since ,i went to   
,new ,hampton to school1 because it was 
there that ,i met with a change4  ,i    
have been particular in speaking of the 
manner of my life after ,i met with a   
change1 but to describe all that ,i     
lived up under1 would be more than ,i   
can write at this time4 ,but truly ,i   
felt ,i had come up out of great        
tribulation1 and was washed in the blood
 of the ,lamb4 ,i had attained unto the 
power of ,christ's resurrection1 my mind
 being unbiassed by any creed or        
doctrine of men4 ,when ,i was converted 
,i knew nothing but ,jesus and him      
,crucified4  ,i arrived at my brother's 
that night about #g o'clock4 ,i met his 
wife as usual4 ,after tea ,i retired to 
a room with my brother's wife1 telling  
her of my persecutions1 and how ,god had
 revealed himself to me4 ,she said she  
thought it was wisdom in ,god not to    
reveal his glory to us while here in the
 body4 ,she had felt so much the glory  

of ,god in her own soul that she had    
been almost overpowered4 ,she thought   
that ,god had nothing more for me to do4
 ,what does such language imply8 ,is    
there a person this side of the grave   
for whom ,god has nothing more to do8   
,but ,i did not know then that man had  
the knowledge to take the holy spirit   
from a person by giving them medicine2  
but she had already conceived the wicked
 deed in her heart1 and knew where the  
awful crime could be done1 and her very 
language expressed what she knew was    
about to be done to me1 although ,i did 
not then suspect any evil4 ,had it been 
said to me in any other place but a     
brother's house1 and by a female1 ,i    
should have suspected ,i was about to be
 murdered1 or some other brutal outrage 
committed upon me4 ,if ,i had been among
 the rude barbarians ,i should not have 
been so easily deceived2 but ,i looked  
up to a sister to do for me1 and asked  
her to let me stay with her1 and ,i     
would sew or do any thing for her2 but  

she appeared to be very angry with me   
every time that ,i spoke about what ,god
 had done for me4 ,i said but little to 
any one when ,i retired1 for sister     
,nancy and ,sophia1 brother ,stephen's  
wife1 went with me into my room4 ,in my 
usual manner before ,i laid my head upon
 my pillow1 ,i knelt by my bed and      
silently offered my prayer to ,god4 ,my 
sister ,nancy said see that1 and ,sophia
 answered ,i am sorry to see it4 ,i said
 nothing1 but thought it very strange   
that in this christian land any one     
should be sorry to see another on their 
bended knees before an holy ,god1 and   
especially one that knew me so well as a
 sister4 ,i slept sound all knight1 and 
felt much refreshed in the morning1 and 
happy that ,i had got away from a house 
where ,i had been so persecuted4 ,how   
little did ,i know where ,i was to be   
carried1 and what was about to be done  
to me4 ,o1 ,,that ,a ,,dagger ,,had     
,,been ,,plunged ,,into ,,my ,,heart    
,,in ,,the ,,midnight ,,hour1 for what  

,i have suffered here is beyond the     
power of language to describe4 ,and then
 every source of happiness is taken from
 me here and hereafter1 to be forever   
tormented in fire4 ,it may be looked    
upon as derangement or delusion1 but as 
true as there is a ,god that sitteth    
upon his eternal throne1 so true this   
awful crime has been done to me2 and let
 any one reasonably look upon the       
treatment that ,i received1 it will show
 it was nothing but a spirit of the     
vilest persecution4 ,but my wicked      
relations that hated me without a cause 
are screened from the law of our        
country1 and in part from public        
censure1 together with the ,doctors2 and
 it may be thrown back upon me that ,i  
am a poor deranged person2 but ,god only
 knows the distress that my body is     
every moment in1 and then that ,i never 
can be relieved4 ,wednesday1 the #bdth1 
,i passed as ,i usually did while on a  
visit to my brother's1 not suspecting   
that they were looking upon me as a     

deranged person1 and above all1 knowing 
that horrid crime could be done to me   
and plunge me into everlasting misery1 a
 poor innocent1 unprotected sister1 that
 had toiled late and early to get along4
 ,thursday1 #beth ,nov41 ,thanksgiving  
day of #ahdj1 ,i arose1 took breakfast1 
and found brother ,stephen's wife in bed
 with the sick head-ache4 ,the girls all
 seemed to be engaged1 and ,i1 of       
course1 in my way to do for the sick    
wherever ,i was1 waited upon her4       
,brother ,eben1 wife and children had   
come in to pass the day1 from ,jamaica  
,plain4 ,i began to play with them1 as  
,i always did2 but ,i observed they did 
not greet me with that affectionate     
liveliness they were accustomed to4 ,i  
took no notice of it to let them know   
it4 ,about #aj o'clock1 while ,i sat at 
my work in the parlour1 my brother      
,stephen came in and asked me to go to a
 ride with him4 ,this surprised me1 as  
our brothers were never very attentive  
to their sisters2 but ,i thought he     

pitied me on account of my troubles1    
knowing the life that ,i had tried to   
live4 ,i told him ,i did not care about 
going to ride1 as it was not my health1 
but my spiritual life which he did not  
understand1 and asked him to let me stay
 with ,sophia1 and ,i would sew or do   
any thing for them2 he said he wanted me
 to go and see a physician4 ,i told him 
it was not a physician that ,i wished to
 see1 ,i should rather see some         
minister1 who would better understand my
 situation4 ,he said ,i should not see  
any one4 ,i then asked him to let me see
 ,mr4 ,winslow1 his own minister1 as ,i 
always liked him very much1 as he is a  
very spiritual minded man4 ,he said no1 
,i should not see him4 ,he said the     
,doctor was a pious man4 ,i asked what  
church he belonged to2 he answered ,mr4 
,winslow's4 ,i then said1 well1 ,i will 
go and see him1 thinking it would do no 
harm4 ,upon that1 he said with a great  
degree of triumphant feeling1 that's the
 place for such ones as you are4 ,could 

a brother embue his hands in the blood  
of a sister's eternal life1 to take the 
advantage of her weakness1 put her under
 locks and keys1 and hire men to do the 
awful crime2 and is there such a house  
where this crime can be done and        
tolerated1 by the public upholding men  
that are willing to be hired to do the  
greatest of all crimes1 and poor beings 
cannot help themselves1 nor any kind    
friend get to them to protect them8 ,is 
this done in this free and happy land8  
,because ,i differed from some of my    
family in my religious opinion must ,i  
be taken and imprisoned8 ,but if that   
was all1 ,i would not notice it any more
 than ,i ever did all their previous    
unkind treatment4--,i had always done   
for myself from the time that ,i was in 
my #aeth year1 and received no          
assistance from any one of the family1  
and had endeavored to support a good    
character1 although ,i was called to    
walk in the humble walks of life1 and   
had often met with the cold neglect of  

the rich and popular class of the world 
because ,i was a poor factory girl4 ,my 
brothers had never offered to do for me 
or to help me along4 ,each one of us had
 to do for ourselves2 but they might    
have treated me with common humanity4 ,i
 never thought labor dishonored any one1
 but while ,i was on a visit to see my  
brother ,stephen1 his wife requested me 
not to let any one know that ,i worked  
in a factory1 which made me very        
unhappy2 and because ,i went to ,great  
,falls to work in the factory1 brother  
,stephen sent my things in a fictitious 
name1 not wishing any one to know that  
he had a sister that worked in the      
factory1 which caused me to be suspected
 of being a loose character4 ,i was only
 in my #aith year1 and a stranger to    
every one in the place4--,god only knows
 what ,i had to live up under4 ,but ,i  
said nothing to any one about it1 only  
to my oldest sister1 ,mary1 as all my   
troubles ,i confided in her2 but to     
return to my subject4 ,soon as my       

brother left the room1 ,i went into     
,sophia's room and told her what my     
brother had said4 ,she again said she   
thought ,god had nothing more for me to 
do2 but what she meant ,i did not       
know4--,after dinner1 brother ,stephen  
came into the room and said1 now        
,elizabeth we will have that ride that  
we spoke of4 ,i went and prepared       
myself1 but again ,i went and talked    
with ,sophia1 ,i told her it would do no
 good to go and see a physician1 for    
they knew nothing about spirituality1   
and it would injure the cause of ,god4  
,she said1 ,o no1 ,god has nothing more 
for you to do2 get your health and ,i   
will come and see you in two or three   
days4 ,i was not expecting to stop1 but 
would go and see the ,doctor because ,i 
could not contend any more4 ,after ,i   
got into the chaise with my brother1 ,i 
began to reason with him upon the       
foolishness of going to see a physician4
 ,he said it was a young ladies'        
boarding place and the ,doctor was a    

pious man1 and ,i could have any thing  
that ,i wanted4 ,i told him ,i thought  
it very foolish to throw away so much   
money1 as our parents were poor4 ,better
 do good with it1 for ,i knew what the  
world was2 they cared for nothing if    
they could but get money1 and ,i did not
 wish to be among strangers4 ,he would  
not harken to what ,i said1 but said he 
was willing to pay my board three or six
 months1 or longer1 and that's the place
 for such ones as ,i was4 ,if ,i had    
been a disturber of the peace of any    
community or family1 well he might have 
said so2 but then we have laws in this  
country1 by which a person may be tried1
 and made to suffer the penalty of the  
law they break4 ,i was non-resistant4 ,i
 said every thing that ,i could say4    
,after we arrived there ,i was          
introduced to ,dr4 ,bell1 in his        
parlour4 ,he asked me to relate my      
christian experience4 7,i wish the      
reader to mark the manner in which the  
doctor addressed me1 for what has a     

physician to do with a person's         
christian experience87 ,in my usual     
manner ,i asked him if he had a change  
of heart8 ,he said yes1 to avoid an     
argument1 ,i told him ,i never argued or
 disputed about religion4 ,he said then 
he had not what the world called a      
change4 ,i told him then he must excuse 
me from saying any thing about my       
christian experience1 as he would not   
understand it4 ,my brother began to urge
 me together with the ,doctor4 ,i did   
not know why ,i must relate my christian
 experience to a ,doctor and an         
unconverted man at such a time1 for it  
seemed to me like mockery4 ,i refused   
again and again1 but1 no1 ,i must relate
 it4 ,being no longer able to withstand 
these entreaties ,i told what ,god had  
done for me to that time4 ,spoke of     
being bound in the spirit and ,i felt a 
bondage of soul4 ,he said he could give 
me something to relieve that bondage of 
soul and being bound in the spirit4 ,i  
told him ,i should rather be with my own

 folks and ,i should rather not stop4   
,upon that my brother and the ,doctor   
both began to urge me vehemently and    
said ,i had no respect to any one's     
judgment4 ,i had always provided for    
myself1 and why ,i should be so urged to
 stay at a boarding place when ,i did   
not wish to1 ,i did not know2 and ,i    
told the ,doctor ,i did not know what he
 had to do with my soul4 ,but they both 
said so much ,i told them ,i would stay1
 as every thing in the room indicated   
respectability4 ,they went out of the   
room1 and while they were gone ,i       
thought it was no place for me1 thinking
 it was a ladies' boarding place among  
the popular class1 and was not the place
 for a christian in such a weak state4  
,i went out and asked my brother to take
 me back with him4 ,he seemed to be so  
angry with me he could hardly control   
his feeling4 ,he put his hand upon my   
shoulder and gave me a push1 and said he
 could not carry me back1 but would come
 and see me the next day2 ,i then       

returned into the parlor and began to   
take off my things when a tall1 black   
eyed1 masculine looking female came and 
took me by the arm and asked me if she  
should wait upon me up stairs4 ,i       
thanked her and walked up stairs with   
her1 thinking she was going to show me  
my sleeping room4 ,she waited upon me   
into a long painted gallery with        
sleeping rooms on both sides1 and she   
left the room4 ,there were a number of  
ladies sitting around in the gallery4 ,i
 went to the window to take a view of   
the prospect1 and the iron grate met my 
eye4 ,i turned to a lady and asked her  
if she would inform me what those iron  
grates were at the window for4 ,she made
 me no reply4 ,i turned to another and  
asked her1 and she made no reply1 but   
rose and went into her room4 ,i asked   
her pardon1 ,i did not intend any       
offence1 ,i was a stranger there4 ,i    
then went to the door to go down into   
the parlor where ,i came out2 but ,i    
found the door locked4 ,upon that ,i    

made the expression grated windows1 and 
locked door1 where am ,i8 ,upon that1 a 
female stepped out of her room4 ,i      
perceived she was not such a person as  
,i had ought to be with at that time4   
,she took me by waist and said they were
 kind folks there4 ,i asked her where ,i
 was1 and wished to see the lady of the 
house1 and asked her to let me alone2   
but no one would give me any answer4    
,about dark the bell rung to call the   
ladies down to tea4 ,a very modest young
 lady came out of her room and asked me 
if she should walk with me down to tea4 
,i thanked her1 and ,i was waited upon  
down into a large room where there was a
 large table set with all kinds of      
refreshments4 ,the company presented a  
strange appearance1 the peculiarity of  
their dress1 and many things did not    
look right4 ,i wondered how my brother  
came to place me among such creatures1  
in my weak state4 ,i drank a cup of tea 
and left the room1 thinking it was no   
place for me1 for ,i had longsince left 

balls and parties1 and scenes of        
mirthfulness4 ,miss ,barber1 the same   
one that had waited upon me up into the 
gallery1 asked me where ,i was going4 ,i
 told her ,i wished to retire to my     
room4 ,she waited on me up into the same
 gallery4 ,i went into one of the rooms 
and knelt down and asked ,god to deliver
 me from that place1 and to return me to
 the people of ,god4 ,soon ,mary        
,brigham1 the attendant1 came into the  
gallery1 ,i asked her many questions to 
find out where ,i was1 and what kind of 
boarders they kept there2 but she would 
make me no reply4 ,i asked her if the   
hourly went into ,boston from there1 but
 she made me no reply3 she had the marks
 of a methodist4 ,i thought if she loved
 ,god1 if ,i talked of the love of ,god1
 ,i should draw her towards me4 ,i told 
her how ,i loved ,god1 and said many    
things about sanctification1 but she    
made me no reply4 ,i thought this was   
very strange treatment4 ,i then asked   
her for something to take4 ,she said the

 ,doctor never gave anything under two  
days4 ,i told her it was necessary1 and 
that ,i wanted some valerian tea2 but   
she said ,i could not have any thing    
that night1 and when the bell rang nine1
 she said it was the hour for the ladies
 to retire4 ,i went to my room and asked
 ,miss ,brigham if my door fastened2 she
 said yes4 ,i asked her for the key2 she
 said she locked the door and kept the  
key4 ,after ,i had retired she came into
 my room and took my clothes out4 ,i    
asked her what that was for2 she said it
 was the rule of the house1 and she     
locked me in alone4 ,i did not sleep any
 all night1 from the excitement of the  
day1 and wondering what my brother      
should place me with such characters    
for4 ,i came to the conclusion that it  
was a place where females of ill-fame   
boarded1 with physicians to get help in 
time of trouble4 ,in the morning when   
,mary ,brigham came and unlocked my     
door1 ,i told her ,i had not slept any  
all night4--,she said1 well1 that's     

nothing4 ,i asked her to let me see the 
,doctor as soon as possible1 for ,i     
wished to return in the first hourly4   
,she made me no reply4 ,i rose and went 
to the upper end of the gallery and     
asked ,miss ,brigham to excuse me from  
going to the table1 as my dress was not 
adjusted1 and had not brought my combs  
and hair brush with me1 and asked her to
 let me have a cup of coffee there4 ,she
 threw a hair comb into my lap and      
commanded me to come to the table2 upon 
which ,i adjusted my dress as soon as   
possible and went to the table4 ,every  
thing presented a strange appearance4   
,great tin lid pots and a wooden waiter 
and broken dishes4 ,a plate of crackers 
set on the end of the table where ,i    
sat2 ,i went to take one1 and one of the
 ladies spoke and said they were hers1  
but ,i might have one2 ,i asked her to  
excuse me1 and took a piece of bread4   
,after breakfast ,i went to go into my  
room1 as ,i had not slept any all night1
 and found my door locked2 ,i went and  

sat down and asked if there was any     
christians there1 when one lady said she
 was a baptist1 and she knew a ,mary    
,stone in ,boston4 ,i told her it was my
 sister4 ,i asked her to be my friend1  
and she said she would1 and that ,i     
might lay down in her room4 ,accordingly
 she went into her room with me and     
covered me up in her bed and shut the   
door2 just as ,i had got into a sweet   
sleep1 ,mary ,brigham came in and       
ordered me up4 ,i rose and asked her to 
let me lay down in my room1 as ,i had   
not slept any all night4--,she said the 
ladies were not allowed to lay down in  
the day time4 ,one of the ladies told me
 to ask the supervisor to let me have my
 room door open4 ,what it meant to have 
a supervisor in a ladies' boarding house
 ,i knew not2 but when she came in ,i   
found it was the same one that had      
waited upon me into the gallery4 ,i     
asked her to be my friend1 and told her 
she did not know how ,i did love ,god2  
she said she would be my friend1 but she

 did not want any silly fancies4 ,what  
she meant ,i did not know1 for ,i did   
not know there was any fancy about      
christianity4 ,i asked her if ,i could  
have a bowl of valerian tea and have my 
door open to lay down4 ,she said yes1   
and told ,mary ,brigham to open my door2
 just as ,i had got into a sleep again1 
,mary ,brigham and ,miss ,barber came   
and threw off the clothes4 ,i being weak
 and excited got up and asked if my     
brother had come1 for he said he would  
come and see me the next day4 ,i wanted 
to get with some one that knew me1 for  
such treatment as this ,i did not know  
what to make of4 ,miss ,barber          
immediately left the room and they would
 give me no answer4 ,i went to my room  
to lay down1 but found my door locked   
and ,i could not have the privilege of  
laying down again that day4 ,about #aa  
o'clock ,dr4 ,fox1 the assistant        
physician1 came in and began to converse
 with me2 ,i told him it was not my     
reason that was effected1 or any        

distress of mind1 but ,i had undergone a
 cleansing or purifying by being washed 
in the blood of the ,lamb2 that ,i had  
tasted of the good word1 and the powers 
of the world to come1 and that ,i was   
weak and wanted some valerian tea1 or   
something to calm me2 he said that ,i   
must not think ,i was so filled with the
 spirit2 any minister would laugh at me4
 ,i repeated some passages of the       
,scriptures to him2 one was that ,st4   
,paul says1 ,be ye filled with the      
fullness of ,god4 ,he said it was       
because ,st4 ,paul saw the ,lord ,jesus4
 ,i told him that made no difference1   
all had got to go the same way to       
heaven2 that ,i stood upon the ,gospel1 
but ,i never disputed about religion4   
,he said he would give me something to  
calm and strengthen me2 but nothing was 
brought me until night1 nor did my      
brother come to see me4 ,after ,i had   
retired1 ,mary ,brigham came into my    
room and said she had got some medicine 
for me4 ,i rose up and took it1 thinking

 it was something to do me good4 ,it was
 a pill and a little mug of mixture1 and
 ,mary ,brigham went out and locked the 
door2 but ,o1 alas how little did ,i    
know where ,i was and what ,i was put   
into that house for4 ,such a crime ,i   
never read of1 and it is covered up     
under the garb of derangement1 and ,i am
 the poor sufferer4 ,as soon as ,i took 
it ,i was thrown into most violent pain 
and distress1 beyond the power of       
language to describe1 neither can ,i    
give any one an adequate idea4 ,the     
medicine effected my brain1 the back    
part of my head1 hardened or petrified  
it1 and the brain is the seat of the    
nerves1 and any one can conceive of the 
distress that ,i must be thrown into all
 over in my body1 every nerve in me     
drawing and straining convulsively4     
,sometimes ,i was almost drawn back     
double and then forward1 rolling in the 
bed from one side to the other in the   
greatest agony4 ,when my door was       
unlocked in the morning ,i rose4 ,i had 

wept bitterly all night4 ,the thoughts  
of my situation1 and for so strange a   
thing as it may appear1 that medicine   
can be given to destroy the work of     
,grace in a person1 even so it can be   
done1 and ,dr4 ,bell and ,dr4 ,fox both 
possess that knowledge of giving        
medicine to accomplish this awful       
outrage upon ,christianity2 and it is   
done under the garb of derangement1 and 
they are screened from public censure1  
and it is a greater crime than that they
 had tortured me to death any way that  
,i ever read of4 ,as ,i come out of my  
room a young lady asked me what made me 
weep2 so ,i took her hand and asked her 
to tell me where ,i was1 and what kind  
of people ,i was with4 ,she asked me if 
,i did not know1 and ,i told her no4    
,she then told me that ,i was in the    
,insane ,assylum4 ,i then knew that ,i  
was betrayed into the hands of the      
wicked to be destroyed4 ,i told her that
 the medicine that they had given me was
 killing the spirit of ,christ in me2   

and that ,i was lost4 ,i began to lose  
all idea of holiness4 ,but ,i knew it   
would be covered up under the garb of   
derangement1 and then ,i recollected    
what my brother ,stephen's wife said1   
that ,god had nothing more for me to do4
 ,of course1 if any one has not the     
spirit of ,christ1 they cannot serve    
,god4 ,it is not only a belief1 but they
 must have the spirit4 ,dr4 ,fox came in
 about #aj o'clock2 while ,i was laying 
on the bed he stood looking at me1 with 
,miss ,barber4 ,my jaws were unlocked4  
,he made the remark to ,miss ,barber    
that he did not know whether it was the 
fulfillment of the prophecy1 there shall
 be knashing of the teeth1 or whether it
 was hallooing glory to ,god1 so much4  
,oh1 how little they knew of the reason 
of my losing my ballance4 ,it was my    
exerting myself so much after ,i had    
become a spiritual being1 having no kind
 friend to do for me4 ,but ,i said      
nothing2 ,i asked for the privilege of  
writing1 which was granted4 ,i wrote to 

brother ,stephen's wife1 and asked her  
to come and see me that afternoon1 as   
soon as she got the letter1 for ,i could
 not believe that a female could be     
accessory to such a crime1 although ,i  
well recollect how angry she appeared to
 be every time ,i spoke of what ,god had
 done for me4 ,the ,doctor said he would
 send it4 ,that day1 ,saturday1 passed  
away without bringing any one to see me4
 ,i thought of my kind christian        
friends1 my loved friend ,nancy         
,sanborn2 but now forever separated from
 her1 no more could we fondly anticipate
 going to the far ,west together1 to be 
the instruments1 in the hands of ,god1  
of expanding the immortal mind in       
knowledge1 and teach the way of         
salvation to poor sinners4 ,but now     
taken by the cunning craftiness of my   
relations1 ,i was enclosed within bolted
 doors and grated windows1 where ,i     
could not make my escape1 nor my friends
 prevent the brutal outrage that they   
were committing upon me4--,reader1 for a

 moment imagine yourself in my          
situation4 ,if you are not a christian  
you do not wish to undergo pain1 neither
 do you desire to be miserable1 nor to  
be separated from your friends1 with    
entire strangers that you never saw     
before1 for it is contrary to the laws  
that ,god has written in your nature4   
,but ,i was a poor factory girl1 without
 any rich father to protect me1 or pious
 mother to plead my cause1 and ,i could 
say with ,david1 ,i was an alien from my
 mother's womb1 to my mother's children1
 and in my weakness they sprang upon me4
 ,they would not let my christian       
friends do for me1 neither would they do
 for me themselves4 ,i had friends that 
would have gladly done for me2 long and 
dear acquaintances1 both christians and 
unconverted1 who would have opened their
 doors to me before they would have seen
 me the third day of my illness turned  
out of doors by ,miss ,lufkin1 in my    
weakness1 because ,i wished to serve    
,god in spirit and in truth1 according  

to my profession1 and carried off into a
 hospital or a devil's den here upon    
earth1 for ,i call these ,insane        
,assylums nothing less4 ,but it is not  
the imprisonment or the cruel treatment 
that ,i received there that ,i speak of1
 for ,i would have borne that without a 
murmur4 ,but it is the medicine they    
gave me that racked and tortured and    
killed the spirit of ,christ within me4 
,it is that spirit that gives a person a
 hatred to sin1 supports them up under  
any torture4 ,christian reader1 whatever
 name you may bear1 it is you and you   
only that can truly feel for my         
distressed situation1 deceived into that
 house in such an unlawful manner1 even 
if ,i had been deranged4 ,i had         
property1 and ,i ought to have had a    
guardian appointed1 and kind steps taken
 with me4 ,but to return to my subject3 
a table was spread1 and a party1 the    
,doctor being one of the number1 sat    
down to play cards4 ,the most           
unqualified language came out of their  

mouths4 ,i could hear the groans of the 
distressed all around me1 some weeping  
to see their friends1 some for one      
thing1 and some for another2 and ,i in  
the most awful distress1 without one    
kind friend to speak to me2 an          
involuntary groan came with my breath4  
,again the medicine was brought to me2  
,i told the attendant it was destroying 
me1 hardening my brain1 and taking the  
spirit of ,christ from me2 she said ,i  
must take it4 ,i did not know what to   
do1 ,i could not help myself2 to resist 
,i knew would not do1 and yet having    
partly the spirit of ,christ1 which is  
non-resistant1 ,i took it1 which        
increased my distress4 ,i was again     
locked into my room and left to weep and
 roll in my bed all knight1 thinking of 
my dear friends1 not relations4--,but   
oh1 they would not have dared to have   
done the crime out of that house1 under 
the pretence of insanity1 to screen my  
wicked relations1 that have been        
incensed against me ever since ,i met   

with a change of heart4 ,sunday morning 
came1 and thus1 in one short week1 was  
,i brought to my sad fate1 for the want 
of a kind christian friend to step in   
between me and my cruel persecutors1 and
 wicked tyranical relations4 ,this day  
passed away2 the medicine was brought me
 to take twice a day1 pills and a little
 mug of mixture2 what it was ,i do not  
know1 but ,i think ,i could tell the    
different kinds that ,i took if ,i could
 see them4 ,monday1 #bith1 passed away  
without any one coming to see me4       
,tuesday came1 and ,i again asked the   
privilege of writing1 which was granted4
 ,i wrote to my brother ,s4 asked him to
 come and see me immediately1 as he     
promised4 ,the ,doctor said he would    
send it1 but the day passed away without
 any one coming4 ,my distress became    
more violent4 ,i told the ,doctors they 
were taking from me my eternal          
happiness1 by taking from me the spirit 
of ,christ4 ,i was informed by one of   
the patients that they did not send the 

letters they gave me liberty to write4  
,i conversed with ,dr4 ,fox about my    
situation1 and of the knowledge of this 
medicine1 and why the world did not know
 it4 ,he said that my brother knew all  
about it before ,i was brought there1   
and what ,i had got to suffer1 and what 
my situation would be4 ,reader1 can you 
imagine what my sufferings were8 ,no1   
you cannot4 ,if you had witnessed them  
you might have then conceived of my     
dreadful agony4 ,telling of my distress 
and lost condition1 ,i was mocked and   
ridiculed4 ,this week passed away4      
,sunday came again1 ,dec4 #e4 ,no one   
had come to see me4 ,i was left mostly  
alone in the gallery4 ,the attendant and
 some of the patients had gone to       
meeting4 ,one of the attendants came in 
and talked with me2 she spoke more kind 
to me than any one had since ,i come    
into the house4 ,i told her my          
situation1 and how ,i was a poor girl1  
and had from the age of #ae done for    
myself1 and had never been sick1 or any 

expense to the family or any other one4 
,she seemed to express a deal of        
sympathy for me4 ,she said it was a     
house of distress4 ,i asked her how long
 she had been there2 she said1 ,i think1
 from six to eight years4 ,she said she 
wished she had seen me when ,i first had
 been brought into that house4 ,i then  
asked her if she knew that christians   
could be destroyed there4 ,she seemed   
not inclined to express her mind freely 
to me1 but said that she had been tried 
much in her feelings1 to see poor       
christians so troubled about their      
religion in that house1 and if their    
friends knew what was best for them they
 would not bring them there4 ,she       
desired me to control my feelings as    
much as possible4 ,if ,i did not1 ,i    
should be showered4 ,i then enquired    
what that meant2 she then described it  
to me1 that ,i should be stripped of all
 my clothes1 and cold water poured upon 
me1 and ,i should be carried on to      
another gallery1 where the society would

 not be so pleasant1 neither the        
accommodations so good4 ,i told her that
 my distress was so great that it was   
impossible4 ,i then asked her how she   
could be knowing to such a crime and not
 to make it known to the world1 for it  
was worse than murdering a person in    
this life4 ,she said she supposed my    
folks knew all about it before ,i was   
brought there1 but they would not be    
likely to tell me1 and she bid me good  
bye4 ,it seemed good to have any one    
speak kind to me1 although ,i had then  
nearly lost all idea of holiness4 ,when 
she left me1 ,i laid myself down upon   
the floor1 and wept bitterly2 ,i then   
thought ,i would make way with myself1  
for ,i was betrayed2 my relations had at
 last vented their revenge upon me1 and 
now ,i was an outcast forever1 and never
 more could be happy4 ,i was now        
separated forever from my loved friends4
 ,i thought of a much loved friend1     
,phebe ,weir1 who knew me before ,i was 
converted1 one that ,i used to talk much

 with about my spiritual life4 ,o1 that 
she could but behold me4--,soon they    
returned from meeting1 but to cease from
 weeping and groaning1 was impossible1  
for every nerve in me was drawing and   
twinging as though they would break4    
,christian reader1 keep in mind that the
 spirit of ,christ was killed in me1 or 
,i could have blessed and praised ,god1 
amidst all this suffering4 ,but this    
distress of body was caused by the      
medicine given to me1 to take away the  
spirit of ,christ4 ,it may appear like  
derangement1 but what ,i tell you is the
 truth4 ,monday1 ,i had endeavored to   
keep in my room as much as possible1 and
 to keep from groaning1 though it come  
voluntary1 for ,i dreaded to be carried 
on to another gallery1 exposed and      
showered with cold water4 ,but my       
sufferings would not cease in this      
world4 ,i could not look forward to     
never ending eternity of happiness1 for 
the idea of love had gone from me4 ,i   
neither loved ,god1 nor this world4 ,my 

body was now1 as it were1 dead2 my brain
 was becoming a mineral substance1 all  
but my intellectual faculties4 ,in the  
afternoon1 ,miss ,barber came in1 in her
 masculine manner1 to all appearance to 
exult in human misery1 and asked me to  
take her arm4 ,i knew ,i was going on to
 another gallery4 ,i said nothing1 for  
it would be of no use2 hearts that are  
so hardened in cruelty as they must be  
to do such crimes1 would not listen to  
entreaty4 ,accordingly ,i was led on to 
another gallery4 ,here ,i found         
perfectly deranged people1 and some     
appeared to be in a great deal of       
distress4 ,esther ,benton1 the          
attendant1 at first1 was quite kind to  
me1 but soon she began to show her      
power4 ,she knew well my situation1 for 
she had seen others suffer similarly    
about their religion in that house1 and 
,i was regarded as a vagabond1 as truly 
,i am4 ,but would ,i have willingly     
thrown myself away8 ,is it not a law in 
nature that every body desires          

happiness8 ,but alas1 for the want of a 
kind friend1 ,i am lost to all happiness
 here and hereafter4 ,i cannot enjoy    
carnal nor spiritual things4 ,i stayed  
in this gallery about a week1 when ,miss
 ,barber came in one morning and said ,i
 must go down in the other gallery if ,i
 cried so4 ,i told her to carry me1 for 
it was the place of the greatest cruelty
 that ,i ever knew4 ,how they could     
witness a poor female suffer as ,i did1 
and to be accessory to it1 ,i thought of
 all the cruelty ,i ever read of ,i     
never read of any equal to this4 ,she   
led me down among perfect maniacs1 in a 
cold1 dark1 cheerless room1 with no seat
 to sit on4 ,again ,i talked with ,dr4  
,fox1 and told him that my brother told 
me it was a young ladies' boarding      
house1 and the ,doctor was a pious man1 
and ,i expected to be taken under a     
,godly influence1 instead of being torn 
to pieces in this manner1 by medicine4  
,i thought eternal life was of more     
importance than this life1 and we ought 

to seek the soul's salvation of each    
other4 ,he said1 they did not do such   
things there1 it was a place to get     
health1 and he laughed at me for coming 
there4 ,i told him he might try to keep 
it covered up under the garb of         
derangement1 but ,i believed it would   
yet be exposed1 although ,i was the poor
 sufferer4 ,he said both male and female
 had suffered it before me1 and would   
not publish it because it would be      
looked upon as derangement1 and no one  
would believe it4 ,i then asked him if  
holiness was liable to become a disease 
and medical men knew it1 ought they not 
to publish it to the world that every   
thing should be done for a person first 
by the people of ,god1 before the       
medicine was given to them1 and had such
 a crime ought to go under the garb of  
derangement1 and poor creatures suffer  
forever in consequence of it4 ,he seemed
 to think it was a very light thing1 and
 laughed at me and said ,i had prayed   
too much4 ,this is ,dr4 ,fox1 a member  

of the congregational church4 ,is this  
not worse than any crime that ever was  
practised upon a poor helpless creature 
in any place of wickedness upon the face
 of the earth4 ,i found the attendant1  
,mrs4 ,emerson1 very kind to me         
uniformly1 in this gallery1 and she     
often spoke of the cruel treatment of   
that house4--,i stayed in this gallery  
until about the #bfth of ,dec41 when    
,miss ,barber came in and said that ,i  
must go to the cottage1 or it might more
 properly be called a stone dungeon1    
where there are six cells1 and some of  
them have a straw bed4 ,the cell that ,i
 occupied had one2 but oh1 they might   
have shut me up in a stone dungeon and  
made me fast in the strap and buckle1   
and ,i would have praised ,god2 but no1 
,i could not pray to ,god1 my brain was 
like a mineral substance4 ,i was now    
enclosed in a stone dungeon1 but ,i had 
a kind attendant by the name of ,sarah  
,brown4 ,if ,i spoke of my situation and
 of the sweets of redeeming love1 ,i was

 mocked and laughed at by the ,doctors1 
and ,miss ,barber seemed to exult in my 
misery4 ,i often plead to see some of my
 relations1 especially brother ,stephen1
 who carried me there1 but my request   
they refused4 ,i often spoke to the     
,trustees about my situation and the    
manner of my life1 and how cruelly ,i   
was deceived into that house2 but say   
what you will1 it is regarded as        
derangement by them4 ,i had been in this
 stone dungeon about three or four days1
 ,i come to the conclusion that ,i had  
nothing to live for2 ,i was in distress 
of body1 from the crown of my head to   
the sole of my foot4 ,i was guilty of   
the blood of the covenant4 ,i now did   
not love ,god or this world4 ,my        
learning was now taken from me1 that ,i 
had labored hard to acquire4 ,my good   
name1 which is better than precious     
ointment1 was now gone4 ,i had become an
 outcast of earth and heaven4 ,my food  
tasteless2 ,i had no longer any object  
to pursue4 ,i accordingly made up my    

mind to take my life that night4 ,for   
that purpose ,i tore a piece of the     
sheet off4 ,i then thought of my hard   
labors and striving to get along1 and my
 desire to set a bright example1 and    
what had it profited me1 that in my     
weakness ,i should be taken and shut up 
where no kind friend could approach to  
save me from the brutal outrage of man4 
,i expected never again to see any one  
that ,i knew upon earth1 and that while 
here ,i must be among the worst of      
characters4 ,the attendant came in and  
bid me good night4 ,i thought she was   
the last human being ,i should ever see2
 ,i had got to go into hell's torment if
 ,i lived2 and to live any longer ,i    
thought there was no use4 ,i laid down  
thinking ,i would wait until all was    
still4 ,about #ab o'clock1 ,i judge1 ,i 
rose and walked up and down my cell1    
thinking that my life had become a      
burden to me4 ,i thought of my loved    
companions1 my loved ,new ,hampton      
teachers1 and that happy circle of      

acquaintances1 and then how cruelly the 
cry had been raised about me of being   
insane1 in order to get me shut up1     
where this awful crime could be done2   
how cruelly ,caroline ,dammers had      
incensed my brother ,stephen aguinst me1
 a young lady that ,i had done so much  
for2 she had been down in the summer and
 talked to my brother's folks about my  
being so engaged in behalf of poor      
sinners1 which was my meat and drink4   
,if it was looked upon as derangement1  
it was something that made me happy and 
it did not lead me to do evil1 but now  
,i could not commit myself to ,god1     
neither did ,i think by putting an end  
to my life1 that ,i should cease from   
one state of suffering and cruel        
tyranny4 ,i put the string round my     
neck1 and attached it to a hinge of the 
door4 ,i gave my weight to the string1  
and began to lose all sense of feeling1 
the last ,i knew2 the first thing ,i    
knew again1 ,i found myself laying on   
the floor1 in violent agony1 hardly     

knowing anything4 ,how long ,i had laid 
there ,i know not4 ,the sweat was       
pouring out of me profusely4 ,at first  
,i could not move1 but gradually come   
to4 ,i recollected what ,i had attempted
 to do1 and felt for the string and     
found it had broken1 and that was the   
cause of my laying on the floor4 ,i     
thought ,i would try the second time1   
and made the attempt1 but was so weak   
that ,i could not manage4 ,i began to   
feel a violent pain in my face1 found my
 chin was badly cut1 and thought        
probably my jaw was broken1 for it hurt 
me to move it4 ,i layed down and thought
 if it was broken it would be less      
painful to have it attended to1 than to 
wait until morning4 ,i called to the    
attendant1 whose room was in the corner 
of the building4 ,she came in and asked 
me what was the matter4 ,i feigned      
ignorance4 ,she said their was a great  
deal of blood upon the floor1 and that  
my chin was badly hurt4 ,she called     
,miss ,barber1 they examined and found  

it not broken2 went out and left me     
alone again for the night1 but ,i was so
 weak that ,i could not attempt my life 
again4 ,the next day the mark was       
observed upon my neck1 and it was       
suspected that ,i had attempted to make 
way with myself1 and then ,i had the    
leather muff put on4 ,but what they     
could wish to keep such a miserable     
suffering creature alive for1 ,i did not
 know1 but several of the attendants    
advised me not to take my life1 but try 
to get out and publish it to the        
world4--,i told them ,i would1 for if   
others had published it before me1 ,i   
might have been saved from suffering    
here and hereafter4 ,although my account
 was sealed with ,god1 yet ,i remembered
 the sweets of redeeming love1 and how  
good it was to pray to ,god2 but now    
through the instrumentality of the      
wicked1 in my weakness1 ,i must suffer  
forever4 ,but the poor sons of ,god that
 have suffered this before me1 probably 
have taken their lives1 for ,dr4 ,fox   

says that he has examined the bodies of 
those that have had the holy spirit     
taken away from them1 as ,i have1 and   
says the organs are the same1 only they 
are contracted4 ,i stayed in the dungeon
 until the month of ,march1 weeping and 
groaning my hours away4 ,about the last 
of ,march ,i was carried back from the  
dungeon to the gallery ,i left4 ,miss   
,emerson was my attendant4 ,the day ,i  
was carried back was very cold1 and     
,miss ,barber ordered me to be locked up
 in my room1 to exercise her authority  
over me4 ,miss ,emerson was a good      
nurse4 ,she said it was too cold for me 
to be there1 coming out of such a warm  
room as the dungeon was4 ,she went and  
asked ,miss ,barber to let me come out2 
but no1 she must keep me locked up4     
,miss ,emerson came in and told me ,i   
had better lay down1 for she knew the   
change of air was too much for me1 even 
if ,i sat out in the gallery1 by the    
furnace1 for this gallery is a cold     
comfortless place4 ,towards night my    

distress increased1 till it seemed as   
though every bone in me would fall      
apart4 ,it seemed as though my breath   
would leave my body4 ,miss ,emerson said
 she has told ,miss ,barber how cold ,i 
was1 but she did not regard it4 ,but ,i 
was not the only sufferer on account of 
their cruel treatment4 ,others were     
suffering the like in different ways4 ,i
 stayed in this gallery till about the  
last of ,july1 weeping and rolling on   
the floor1 in pain1 not allowed to lay  
on my bed1 and often stripped and       
showered1 as ,i was told ,i should be1  
as a punishment for weeping1 because ,i 
was in distress1 and lost to eternal    
happiness1 and deprived of my liberty1  
in the hands of tyrants4 ,one day1 while
 ,i was laying on the floor in agony1   
,dr4 ,bell came in and said that brother
 ,james had been there4 ,i asked him    
what was the reason he did not let me   
see him1 and he said he did not wish to 
see me2 he was glad ,i was there1 and   
wished ,i had been two years before4    

,this added double grief1 and ,dr4 ,bell
 seemed delighted to tell me of it1 to  
tantalize me1 and that he was so        
completely held up in his cruelty4 ,i   
told him that this brother did not know 
the agony that ,i was in1 for ,i did not
 think he could have the heart to       
rejoice in my misery1 and to wish ,i had
 this brutal act done to me two years   
before4 ,this brother ,i had done for   
more or less from a child2 he being the 
youngest1 ,i had helped pay his board1  
his tuition1 bought him books and       
clothes1 and all the money that ,i had1 
,i let him have to help him along2 and  
could this be the way he was rewarding  
me for it8 ,in this land of liberty     
where every one has a right to worship  
,god as they please1 must he rise       
against me and worse than murder me1    
because ,i worshipped ,god contrary to  
his views4 ,he believes all will go to  
heaven whether they have in them the    
hope of glory or not4 ,but he has a     
right to his belief4 ,my religion would 

not have led me to be accessory to his  
imprisonment1 and more especially to    
have medicine given him to rack and     
torture him4 ,one day when the trustees 
were there1 ,i addressed ,mr ,lowell    
about my situation2 he gave a listening 
ear1 when ,dr4 ,bell stepped forward and
 said my physician said that ,i was a   
fit subject for the house4 ,i told him  
,i had no physician1 for ,i never was   
sick but once in my life1 and that was  
two years ago4 ,he said he had a line   
from ,wheelock ,graves1 and one from    
,elder ,cole1 my minister4 ,this        
surprised me1 that a leader of ,god's   
people1 to lead them out of sin1 should 
give a line for a poor girl to be       
carried into an ,insane ,assylum4 ,he   
knew my case1 and had heard me tell how 
,god had dealt with me4 ,but ,i told    
,dr4 ,bell ,i did not believe it1       
although it gave him the lie4 ,i        
believed ,elder ,cole to be too good a  
man and friend to humanity to wish to   
destroy a young girl's character so much

 as to give a line for me to be carried 
into an ,insane ,assylum1 the third day 
of my leaving my work4 ,i asked ,mr4    
,lowell to go and see my brother        
,stephen2 but it availed nothing1 for   
they all understood the iniquity of that
 house4 ,i had not seen any one since ,i
 had been there that ,i ever saw before1
 excepting a ,miss ,dutton1 that ,i met 
at ,elder ,hime's meeting in ,boston1   
who was there a private attendant to a  
lady for a short time4 ,in the month of 
,may1 ,catharine1 brother ,eben's wife1 
came to see me1 ,i told her as much as  
possible what ,i had suffered1 and how  
destroyed ,i was1 and asked her why she 
did not tell me where ,i was going1 and 
what was to be done to me4 ,she said she
 did not know it till ,i was just going 
out of the house1 but ,i did not believe
 it1 for her husband was one of the     
bondsmen4 ,this brother's wife ,i had   
loved much for her strong virtuous      
principles and piety4 ,how she could    
have been accessory to this treatment   

towards me1 to screen them from public  
censure1 ,i did not know2 but the deed  
was done4 ,she stopped about ten        
minutes1 and said she would come and see
 me again4 ,but the summer passed away  
without one coming to see me4 ,i often  
plead with ,dr4 ,bell to let me see some
 one1 but ,i was told that they did not 
wish to see me4 ,i of course thought    
they did not1 for ,i always was despised
 by the whole family1 for what ,i did   
not know4 ,but ,i buried it all in my   
own heart1 looking forward when ,i      
should be forced from this world of     
trouble and sorrow1 for my forerunner   
was a man of sorrow1 and acquainted with
 grief2 and ,i must bear all things even
 as he bore it4 ,i had friends that were
 dear to me1 and ,i thought ,i should   
like to see them once more upon earth4  
,the cruel mockery and ridicule that ,i 
had heaped upon me there was enough to  
cause any female to be sick of her life4
 ,they seemed to take delight in saying 
things to try me4--,miss ,barber and    

,dr4 ,fox were in the gallery together1 
the ,doctor stood laughing at me1 for ,i
 was in violent distress and crying4 ,he
 said he thought ,i grew fat on it4     
,miss ,barber said sneeringly1 do you   
not expect to enter the pearly gates and
 walk the golden streets of the city of 
the ,new ,jerusalem8 ,i had lost all    
idea of holiness1 and ,i am utterly     
incapable of using good language4 ,i    
thought of what ,i once was1 and to be  
brought to this low degraded state1 to  
suffer thus in a gospel land1 grieved   
me4  ,it is the practice for physicians 
from other ,assylums to visit there1 and
 see all the patients4 ,one day there   
was a ,dr4 ,ray1 with others from the   
,maine ,assylum2 ,dr4 ,bell began to    
mock me about being married1 knowing    
that all my affections were dead1 to see
 what effect it would have upon me1     
holding my pulse at the time1 and       
laughing at each other4 ,to be made a   
subject of mockery before men in this   
obscene manner was too much1 ,i appealed

 to his benevolence to spare me this    
cruel mockery2 spoke of female          
character1 and that ,i had done much to 
save females from the stream of         
pollution4 ,my feelings were overcome1  
and ,i seized hold of a chair to save me
 from falling1 but ,i was too far gone  
and fell upon the floor1 and then a roar
 of laughter was set up by all4 ,i went 
into my room and layed myself upon the  
bed4 ,i thought of the poor slave1 but  
oh1 they do not know their happiness2   
gladly would ,i exchange situations with
 any one that ever suffered from the    
rude barbarian2 and yet it is thrown    
back upon me that it is derangement1 and
 my cruel torturers are held up and     
applauded4 ,i sent a letter to brother  
,eben's wife1 to come2 but ,i received  
no visit from her on account of her     
peculiar circumstances4 ,i saw no one   
until the #bb;d of ,dec4 ,i had been    
there then thirteen months1 and had seen
 only brother ,eben's wife4 ,i plead    
with my brother to let me go home2 he   

said he was not willing1 but ,i might   
come out to his house after his wife's  
health was better4 ,i felt that ,i was  
such an outcast that ,i had no people to
 go to2 but that a mother must have a   
mother's feelings1 and ,i knew not who  
to look to in the world in my lost1     
ruined condition1 but a parent4 ,my     
brother seemed to feel for my ruined    
condition1 and asked me why ,i did not  
tell what my situation was1 for he knew 
nothing about it only what they told    
him4 ,this brother had never opposed me 
in my religion1 and ,i had always taken 
a very active part in his family        
devotion1 as his wife is a member of a  
congregational church4 ,i told him ,i   
plead with ,stephen not to leave me1 not
 knowing that it was an ,insane         
,assylum1 or what was to be done to me4 
,i told him how ,i was deprived the     
privilege of writing4 ,he said he did   
not wish me treated ill1 and wished me  
to come out to his house4 ,i told him ,i
 wanted to go home4 ,he stopped about an

 hour with me1 and bid me good bye1 and 
said he would come again4 ,this was     
about the #bdth of ,dec4 ,i asked ,dr4  
,bell to let me write to my brother1    
stating that ,i would go out to his     
house1 for ,i wanted to get out of that 
place2 he gave me a very short answer2  
he said he was not willing that ,i      
should write to my brother1 or any other
 one4 ,i then told him that my brother  
told me ,i could write to him anything  
that ,i wished4 ,he said if my brother  
told me so1 he was not willing2 ,i did  
not rest at this1 but constantly plead  
with him to grant me the privilege1 but 
could not prevail upon him1 for he said 
that my brother was glad ,i had not     
accepted his invitation4 ,then ,i took  
the liberty of writing without his      
consent1 and handed it to ,mr4          
,appleton1 one of the ,trustees1        
requesting him to prevail on ,dr4 ,bell 
to let him take that letter to my       
brother1 and wrote one to ,mr4 ,appleton
 at the same time1 stating the reason of

 taking that liberty4 ,he told me he    
would talk with ,dr4 ,bell about it4    
,the next day ,i asked ,dr4 ,bell if he 
had sent my letter2 he said no2 ,i asked
 him the reason2 he said it was because 
he thought my brother would not grant my
 request4 ,in my letter ,i requested my 
brother to let me have a change2 if he  
thought it not proper to come to his    
house1 to let me go any where else4 ,i  
saw no one again until ,march1 when my  
mother come to see me with brother ,e4  
,i had written to have him come and see 
me1 and what my situation was4 ,little  
did ,i think but what my parent knew of 
my situation when ,i was first put in   
there4 ,but ,i had been there about a   
year before they knew any thing about   
it4 ,she stopped about an hour4 ,at     
first she appeared to be quite affected2
 but my mother does not profess         
spirituality1 and always opposed me     
about my religion1 and often said1 after
 ,i met with a change1 that she thought 
,i was deranged4 ,of course she regarded

 me as a deranged person4 ,i plead her  
to stay all night with me1 but she      
returned with my brother that night1 and
 said she would come on ,saturday4 ,on  
,saturday she came on the gallery to see
 me1 about two o'clock1 and returned    
with my brother at six2 ,i wished her to
 stay all night with me1 but she was not
 willing4 ,i wanted my mother to tell my
 brother to take me out and let me go   
home with her4 ,but ,i always was       
regarded with a great deal of coldness1 
and now ,i was looked upon as a poor    
deranged person1 and therefore found but
 little sympathy4 ,my mother left me    
without bidding me good bye1 saying that
 she should see me again4 ,brother ,eben
 came to see me1 about four weeks after4
 ,still ,i plead with him to let me go  
home2 but he wanted me to come out to   
his house4 ,i felt that ,i did not want 
to go there1 after he had said he was   
glad ,i did not accept his invitation4  
,but he has since told me he never said 
so1 and has shewn me a letter he wrote  

to me1 saying that he wished me to write
 to him1 and to come out to his house2  
but ,dr4 ,bell advised him not to let me
 have the letter4 ,on the #aeth of      
,april1 brother ,william came to see me1
 from ,new ,york4 ,this brother ,i had  
not seen but once for about twelve      
years4 ,he was much affected to hear of 
my suffering2 he said it had always been
 represented to him that ,i was a       
perfect deranged person4 ,he come again 
the next day and took me out4 ,i went to
 brother ,eben's that night1 and the    
next day ,william carried me home4      
,,remarks4    ,upon the treatment of my 
brothers and sisters during my          
imprisonment1 and the steps taken with  
me by them4    ,secondly1 remarks in    
general concerning the ,hospital and the
     ,officers of the ,institution4     
,firstly4--,if my brothers and sisters  
desired my good by placing me in the    
,insane ,assylum1 and the ,doctors have 
taken the advantage of my weakness and  
my brother's ignorance of my true state 

at that time1 and it has proved to be my
 everlasting ruin1 by the ,doctors      
giving me that medicine which racked and
 tortured me and destroyed my phisical  
health and ease of body and mental      
happiness4 ,their motive can be         
determined by their treatment and       
attention while there1 and the manner of
 the treatment that ,i have received in 
hearing of my sufferings4 ,for good     
motives always lead to good and kind    
actions4 ,i have given in general a     
detail of the steps that were taken with
 me from the time of my leaving my      
labour on ,saturday1 before ,i was      
carried to the ,hospital1 on the        
,thursday following1 and after ,i was   
there1 their attention to me4 ,i appeal 
to the public mind if this was good1    
kind and just treatment2 if it was only 
my earthly happiness destroyed ,i should
 rejoice amidst it all4 ,i was taken out
 by my brother ,william1 from ,new      
,york2 but now ,i have no society1 ,i   
cannot resort to ,god and to ,god's     

people for comfort1 and take happiness  
in the service of ,god1 for ,i have not 
happiness within myself1 as it is the   
spirit of ,christ that makes us happy1  
and enables us to look forward to never 
ending eternity of bliss4 ,now that     
spirit is taken from me by medicine1 and
 it leaves my body in distress1 from the
 crown of my head to the sole of my     
foot1 without carnal love of this world1
 or the love of ,god4 ,of course without
 the spirit of ,christ we cannot love   
,god4 ,i am thrown out upon the world   
without any thing to help myself with4  
,my money that ,i labored hard for1 late
 and early1 confined to a factory life1 
is taken by my brothers4 ,they are not  
willing to give me my own1 or to help   
me4 ,i am unable to work1 my body is in 
such distress2 and ,i have no spirit to 
support me under any thing1 and am      
dependant upon the kindness of friends  
who have been deceived about me1 by the 
false report that ,i was deranged1 while
 all the time ,i was suffering the      

greatest cruelty that could be practised
 upon an immortal being4 ,they feel     
distress for me1 although it is a crime 
they never heard of before1 and many of 
them wonder that ,i have a particle of  
reason left1 and do not wonder at my    
altered looks and language1 and feel    
that such a crime should be exposed to  
the world4 ,it is not the popular clergy
 that will be seized upon and carried   
into that house and have this medicine  
forced down them1 but the poor honest   
hearted christian that is despised and  
cast out1 and trodden under foot like   
the despised ,nazarine4 ,this havoc     
among the saints of ,god1 by infidels1  
has been going on for years1            
undoubtedly1 and when they have told of 
it on getting out of their power1 it has
 been looked upon as derangement1 and   
their account being sealed with ,god1   
they have not undertaken to publish it2 
but ,i will1 whether it is or not2 and  
if my brothers wilfully hired those     
,doctors to give me that medicine1 to   

take from me my eternal life1 because ,i
 differed from them in my religion1 may 
,god bring it to light1 and the guilty  
not go unpunished4 ,females are engaged 
in this horrid crime1 and do know that  
it can be done4 ,relief ,barber1 ,mary  
,brigham and ,esther ,benton1 who are   
engaged in the service of that house1   
and my brother's wife1 were knowing to  
it before ,i was carried there4         
,brothers ,eben1 ,stephen1 and ,james1  
are the ones that were concerned about  
my being carried there1 and they are the
 ones that had ought to investigate my  
suffering4 ,but1 instead of that1 they  
have not interested themselves in my    
sufferings or wants1 and brother        
,stephen and his wife came to brother   
,eben's1 where ,i was1 and did not even 
send a request to my room to see me4 ,i 
speak of this to show that my brothers  
do not feel for me as brothers should   
feel for a sister4 ,so far as the       
natural heart is concerned1 had my      
brothers regarded my character and my   

feelings1 and the feelings of our aged  
parents1 they would not have put me into
 an ,insane ,hospital without something 
being done for me first4 ,i might       
mention about my clothes that ,i had    
sent me4--,i was taken and shut up from 
them1 and from the means to obtain      
things to make me comfortable1 or hardly
 decent2 but if my brothers and sisters 
thought my health was poor1 and they    
desired my good1 kind actions would have
 followed kind feelings4 ,i have before 
remarked1 would they not have sent me   
little nourishments1 such as they do not
 have there1 as friends generally do    
when they have a friend that is out of  
health4 ,but ,i received nothing to     
remind me that ,i was not forgotten by  
them4 ,kind reader1 have you a wife1    
sister1 or an unprotected daughter in   
this wide world1 7however you may be    
situated1 the same laws govern nature   
thro'ought the world17 would you see her
 deceived into a hospital the third day 
of leaving her work1 having nothing done

 for her first1 and then not permit her 
to see one of her kind friends8 ,because
 ,god saw fit not to give me the        
abundance of this world was ,i any the  
less incapable of happiness here and    
hereafter8 ,because ,i was a poor       
factory girl must ,i be treated in this 
brutal manner1 in this boasted land of  
liberty8 ,i always had done for myself1 
and was happy4 ,i envied not the ,queen 
upon her throne4 ,i sought enjoyment in 
expanding my immortal mind in knowledge1
 looking through nature up to nature's  
,god1 and cultivating the love of ,god  
richly in my heart4 ,i was kept in the  
,assylum sixteen long and weary months4 
,my brothers say they come to the house2
 but they might as well have stayed away
 as to come1 for all the good it did me1
 for ,i never saw them4 ,they say ,dr4  
,bell would not let them see me4 ,what  
right had they to put me in such a      
place8 ,the very face of it shows that  
there was some cruelty being practised  
upon me1 that ,dr4 ,bell did not want   

any one to know out of that house4 ,it  
may be said that ,i had no home1 and the
 woman that ,i boarded with would not   
have me in her house4 ,could it be that 
,eliza ,lufkin would turn me out of her 
house on the third day of my illness8   
,had it been done openly1 ,i should have
 had friends that would have done for   
me1 for ,i feel that ,i could say with  
the ,apostle ,paul1 that ,i had friends 
that would have plucked out their eyes  
to do for me4 ,but not only was ,i taken
 in such an unlawful manner and         
imprisoned1 but away from all my things1
 and no care taken of them2 some        
entirely ruined for want of care1 and   
some ruined by being worn almost out4   
,who has worn them ,i cannot say2 but my
 trunks were at my brother ,stephen's4  
,if my brothers desired my good they    
would investigate my sufferings4 ,i have
 proposed to them to have the ,doctors  
taken before a justice of the peace1    
produce the kind of medicine they gave  
me1 and apply a chemical test and see   

what effect it would have upon the human
 system4 ,if my brothers are innocent   
about my being ruined1 ,i think they    
would do it1 although it would not bring
 back to me my happy state2 but it would
 expose the wickedness of the ,doctors  
in the ,charlestown ,hospital1 and save 
others from suffering the same4 ,i was  
far from being deranged2 but ,i grant   
that ,i was in a weak state4 ,but       
because ,i was weak1 from over exertion1
 was that any reason why ,i should be   
imprisoned1 and medicine given me to    
harden my brain1 to rack and torture me8
 ,to give a person an idea of the       
distress of my body every moment1 would 
be impossible2 but well ,i might quote  
the language of ,chillian3      ,my     
limbs are bowed1 though not with toil1  
,but rusted with a vile repose1     ,for
 they have been a dungeon's spoil4      
,remarks upon the ,institution4--,there 
is no dispute but what there should be  
such an institution as an ,insane       
,assylum1 but let it come under the     

jurisdiction of the ,legislature1 and   
not have all the power consigned into   
the hands of a few individuals1 over a  
distressed class of beings1 a           
money-making system1 at the expense of  
happiness1 in a great measure4 ,if it   
was thought best to have all power put  
into the hands of one individual1 then  
we should have a ,king in this country1 
but it is not thought best4 ,as that    
house is now1 if any family difficulty  
breaks out between the members1 the     
stronger can take the weaker1 raise a   
cry that they are insane1 deceive them  
in there1 or take them by force1 and    
deprive them of their liberty2 and the  
poor individual is disarmed of the      
protection of the strong arm of our     
country's laws4 ,it gives power to      
children over their parents1 parents    
over children1 brothers and sisters over
 each other1 and neighbour over         
neighbour4 ,a case of children rising   
against a parent took place while ,i was
 there4 ,a poor widow woman having a    

family difficulty about property1 her   
sons rose against her1 got an officer   
and brought her to the ,assylum1 and she
 worked for them all the time she was   
there4 ,in my own case1 ,i had property 
and ought to have a guardian appointed  
if ,i was incapable of taking care of   
myself4 ,would it not be well to have it
 a law that no person should be carried 
into an ,insane ,hospital without the   
advice of a council of physicians1 and  
not have it left to the judgment of one 
person1 for it is not an uncommon thing 
for persons to be put in there who are  
not insane1 and they cannot help        
themselves4 ,the public is completely   
deceived about the situation of their   
friends after they are there4 ,on       
visiting the building every thing       
presents a fair appearance2 but in order
 to know the evil of any place you must 
first be in it4 ,in the first place1 ,i 
shall speak of what the poor patients   
have to suffer on account of the        
neatness of the interior of the         

building1 as that is so often spoke of  
by visitors4 ,a great deal of pains is  
taken in every thing of an outward      
appearance1 while things that are not   
seen by visiters1 are not regarded4 ,the
 floors are1 as it were1 the ,god that  
they worship2 they must be washed every 
day1 and the poor patients suffer in    
being neglected during the time1 which  
is very frequently the case1 and if a   
poor patient steps upon the floor for   
sometime after1 they have to take a     
severe reprimand1 and are locked up in  
their room all day as a punishment1     
because the attendant is afraid the     
floor will have a mark upon it4 ,it is  
all well enough to keep clean2 but the  
happiness of the poor patient is not    
regarded4 ,it is very tiresome to be    
confined to one room and not be         
permitted to walk in it4 ,secondly1 in  
cold weather the uncomfortableness of   
the gallery is very trying4 ,some days  
not any fire1 and deprived of every     
privilege but that of breathing1 and if 

in violent pain and suffering the       
patients weep and make any complaint1   
they must be shut up in their room1 or  
stripped of all their clothes and       
showered with cold water1 and then      
carried to a stone dungeon4 ,people are 
very much deceived when they call to see
 their friends2 and the poor distressed 
patients are weeping their hours away to
 see them1 and are shut out from all    
religious influence4     ,,closing      
,,remarks ,,to ,,christians4            
,christian reader1 whatever name you may
 bear1 ,i address you1 you who have got 
the spirit of ,christ witnessing with   
your spirit that you are born of ,god4  
,you have read what ,i have stated and  
you may be ready to say you don't       
believe it2 but lend me a listening ear 
with an enlightened understanding1 both 
by the spirit and knowledge1 for ,i have
 put forth this effort to make known    
this knowledge to the world1 to save you
 from the awful outrage of the wicked at
 the present day1 for you are liable yet

 to have the cry raised about you that  
you are insane and to be taken and      
imprisoned as ,i have been1 where       
violence is used to force medicine down 
your throat which kills or destroys the 
spirit of ,christ in you4 ,you are      
ignorant1 ,i know1 that this knowledge  
is upon the earth1 and the ,bible does  
not give any account of it1 excepting in
 ,heb4 ,chapt4 vi4 verse #d1 #f2 and    
,st4 ,paul does not say how it can be   
done4 ,christian reader it is you that  
ought to be interested in what ,i say1  
and before you say that it is           
derangment1 and give strength to the    
wicked in the greatest crime that can be
 committed upon an immortal being1      
condsider well what a crime you hold up4
 ,why should ,i wish to start such a    
thing before the world if it was not so8
 for gladly would ,i kneel and lift up  
my voice in prayer to ,god and leave    
behind the things that are behind and   
press on towards the mark for the prize4
 ,persecution to a christian is like    

water to a plant2 what is called        
derangement by some1 or delirious about 
religion1 can be removed by medicine by 
the ,dr4's at the ,charlestown          
,hospital4 ,the pains and distress of   
the operation cannot be found upon the  
annals of cruelty of any nation1 and    
then the distressed situation it leaves 
one in1--neither love to ,god nor fellow
 beings4 ,dear christian reader1 what ,i
 tell you is the truth4 ,ask yourself   
the question1 what did ,dr4 ,bell urge  
me to relate my christian experience    
for8 why did he ask me how much ,i read 
the ,bible1 more than any other book8   
,what if one of our missionaries were   
taken and imprisoned1 and when they     
should be taken out and come to tell of 
their sufferings and what was said to   
them before the medicine was given to   
them1 would it not show that the crime  
was in accordance with the whole drift  
of their conversation4 ,why did ,dr4    
,fox say that ,i must not think ,i was  
so filled with the spirit2 any minister 

would laugh at me4 ,i had not told him  
,i was4 ,why was ,i shut up and no one  
allowed to see me8  ,reader1 make it    
your own case to be put in prison in a  
well state of health among some of the  
worst characters1 entire strangers1 and 
about three months in a stone dungeon1 a
 poor unprotected girl4--,would it not  
almost make you deranged8 ,had a poor   
persecuted christian ought to be        
consigned into the hands of unconverted 
rough men8 ,what criminal ever was      
executed in our land but if they made   
the request to see some minister or     
pious friend it was allowed them2 but   
no1 ,i was a poor persecuted christian2 
,i asked to see some minister1 ,mr4     
,winslow ,i particularly asked to see2  
but no1 the last and fatal blow must be 
struck upon me4 ,if ,i had violated the 
laws of our country1 why not give me a  
lawful trial in a court of justice and  
let me suffer the penalty attached to   
the laws which ,i had violated8 ,if ,i  
was in a weak state and tryed about my  

spiritual state1 was it right to shut me
 up away from all my dear associates and
 godly influence8 ,at first ,i thought  
,i was in a house of ill-fame4 ,o1 ,god 
only knows what ,i suffered and what ,i 
afterwards had to go through4 ,had ,i   
been deceived into such a house it would
 have been nothing to what my situation 
is1 and what my sufferings have been4   
,dear christian reader1 ,i will show you
 by the ,bible where ,i was when ,i was 
carried into ,charlestown ,hospital4    
,when ,i was converted ,i had a strong  
hope to support me against the wind and 
tide of this world4 ,as an anchor is to 
a ship so is a hope in ,christ ,jesus to
 a person in this world4 ,they are saved
 from the pollution of the world through
 the washing of regeneration2 saved from
 the corruption that is in their own    
heart and the temptations around them4  
,there is but one religion that is good 
for any thing1 or one's religion is as  
good as another's4 ,but why is all this 
contention about religion8 it must mean 

something4 ,one soul saved from sinning 
by being washed in the blood of ,christ 
is of more value than all this world4   
,dear reader1 have patience and ,i will 
soon bring you to the point that ,i wish
 you to understand4 ,if holiness is     
liable to become a disease1 as they     
pretend to say it does1 and man has     
found out how to give medicine to take  
away from a person what they call       
derangement and the agony is so great   
and then it leaves the person in a state
 of suffering here of body and without  
the spirit of ,christ1 a person must    
suffer forever1 for out of ,christ ,god 
is a consuming fire2 but in ,christ a   
person can bless and praise ,god amidst 
the burning flames4 ,when a person is   
converted they are turned from persuing 
the love of this world and seek after   
that holy love that is in them which is 
,christ and let all their actions be    
constrained by that love4 ,after a      
person is converted they commence       
running after a prize1 which is ,christ1

 and in ,christ is all the ,godhead     
bodily1 ,father1 ,son and ,holy ,ghost4 
,again1 ,christ will thoroughly purge   
his floor1 cast out unclean spirits out 
of your heart and you enter the second  
time without sin unto salvation4 ,again 
to all who look for him he will appear  
the second time without sin unto        
salvation1 change their vile bodies and 
make them like unto his most glorious   
body1 or baptize them with fire and with
 the ,holy ,ghost1 or being clothed upon
 with our house from heaven1 which is   
eternal1 immortal and full of glory4    
,christian reader1 ,i had embraced the  
views that are agitated at the present  
day1 that the world is soon to be       
destroyed1 or what is called ,miller's  
doctrine4 ,all ,i aimed at was to get   
out of sin1 or being obliged to go with 
the multitude to commit sin1 as ,i hated
 wrong and unholy actions1 and to get   
ready to go up to meet the ,lord in the 
air as every one that has this hope     
within himself purifies even as he is   

pure2 for it is by grace which you are  
saved and not of yourself1 it is the    
gift of ,god4 ,what to me was gain ,i   
counted loss and dross2 yea1 dung1 if ,i
 could but win ,christ4 ,i so run as to 
obtain the prize in six years4 ,the     
prize is winning ,christ1 and in ,christ
 ,jesus is all the ,godhead bodily1 the 
,father1 ,son and ,holy ,ghost4 ,it is  
the crown which is immortal1 eternal and
 full of glory4 ,truly ,i was full of   
the ,holy ,ghost1 entered into the holy 
city and had right to the tree of life1 
which the leaves thereof are for the    
healing of the nations4 ,holiness       
belongs to the heart1 not to days1      
months1 or years4 ,the people of ,god   
are to be the holy in all their actions 
and thoughts2 they are saved from       
following sin by having the spirit of   
,christ4  ,christian reader1 ,i know you
 must read this with mingled emotions2  
and it must wring your heart with grief 
to think that the ,son of ,god has been 
crucified2 but it leaves the person that

 was in possession of this heavenly     
treasure of course to be forever in     
distress1 for there remaineth no more   
sacrifice1 which must add double grief  
to you in perusing these pages2 or are  
you ready to throw it back upon me1     
saying it is all a delusion2 that man   
cannot destroy the soul2 man's power is 
not greater than ,god's4 ,but1 christian
 reader1 it is knowledge that man has   
obtained of chemistry4 ,by putting two  
substances together a third is produced 
unlike both4 ,what the medicine is ,i   
know not1 but ,i think ,i could tell it 
if ,i saw it4--,christian reader1 you   
have never thought it to be very strange
 that a person could be poisoned to     
death4 ,in that case it seperates spirit
 from matter2 and in this case it       
seperates ,god's ,holy ,spirit from     
matter1 for you know it is not only a   
belief1 for the ,devils believe and     
tremble4 ,but it is having ,jesus in    
you1 the hope of glory1 a praying       
spirit2 and ,i wish you to understand it

 is that praying spirit that can be     
taken from you by medicine4 ,the        
medicine hardens or petrifies the brain4
 ,in my case it is the brain that lays  
in the back part of my head that is     
destroyed1 where the faculties of       
affection are located2 for the volume of
 nature and revelation agree4 ,i refer  
now to the science of ,phrenology1 as   
there is truth in it whether you believe
 it or not4 ,the fifth ,chapt4 of       
,gallations tells what you are by       
nature1 and what you must be in order to
 enter the kingdom of heaven4 ,by sowing
 to the spirit1 ,i crucified my         
affections and lusts1 ceased to do the  
works of the flesh4 ,you may think this 
is not in this world1 but it is only    
winning the prize for the high calling  
which is in ,christ1 or entering in upon
 the seventh ,sabbath4--,as ,dr4 ,bell  
has given me medicine that has killed   
that spirit in me ,i have no idea of    
holiness or hatred to sin1 and ,i have  
no idea of worship1 for we worship what 

we supremely love and bring all our     
actions to bear upon that object on     
which our affections are set4--,but the 
idea of love is gone from me1 and my    
body is void of happiness1 both carnal  
and spiritual4  ,let there be a mighty  
cry made by the public1 and search into 
the iniquity of ,charlestown ,mc,lean   
,assylum4 ,i know it is held up by what 
is called the popular class1 but it is a
 combination of men1 a system that is   
worse than slavery1 and any crime can be
 done there and covered up under the    
garb of derangement1 and no one         
interfere4 ,dear ,christian reader1 ,i  
have put forth this appeal to let the   
christian world know that this knowledge
 is known upon the earth1 and it is in  
the hands of the wicked4 ,why is the    
public so silent upon the sufferings of 
a poor girl8 ,if ,i had been taken by   
the uncivilized red man of the woods and
 not half so cruelly treated1 the papers
 would have been full of it4 ,if ,i had 
led a low1 debasing life1 and had been  

murdered like an ,ellen ,jewett1 the    
public would have been roused and the   
papers would have been full of it from  
east to west1 and from north to south2  
but a more horrid crime has been done4  
,o6 ,,that ,a ,,dagger had been plunged 
into my ,,heart in the midnight hour2 it
 would have been but momentary suffering
 and then my immortal mind growing and  
expanding throughout the countless ages 
of eternity in the knowledge and wisdom 
of ,god4  ,reader1 you may be ready to  
throw it back upon me1 saying it is     
derangement1 ,i expect it2 let me once  
have heard of such a thing and ,i don't 
know but ,i should have thought it      
derangement4 ,but1 christian reader1 it 
is you and you only that can understand 
a part of my language1 speaking about my
 spiritual life4 ,all who formerly knew 
me1 who see me now1 say that some       
cruelty has been done to me4 ,my old    
neighbors that knew me from a child1 say
 that ,i am so altered they hardly know 
me4 ,my old ,new ,hampton school mates  

that ,i have met with since ,i was taken
 out of the ,hospital1 start back with  
surprise and say that they can hardly   
trace a look in me that ,i once had1 and
 not a trait in my deportment that ,i   
once possessed4 ,they say that          
countenance that once was lit up with   
happiness is now marked with deep       
sorrow2 those eyes that once sparkled   
with joy are now dead and sunken with   
grief1 and the language1 and the voice  
are so different that some destruction  
has come upon you2 and when ,i tell them
 what it is1 my long imprisonment1      
sixteen months and twenty days1 not     
allowed to see any one that ,i ever saw 
before1 only three of my folks during   
the time1 nor allowed to write2 how my  
happiness is taken from me1 my body     
racked and tortured1 the distressed     
situation that ,i am in1 they are bathed
 in tears4 ,o tell me not1 ,elizabeth1  
that you are lost2 you was once so happy
 in the love of ,god1 and the deep loud 
sob bursts from their full hearts1 ,can 

this be ,elizabeth ,stone2 can this     
crime be done and this cruelty practised
 here in the midst of us and covered up 
and nothing said about it8  ,is this the
 state of our country1 that the rights  
of a poor female are trampled upon1 and 
the laws of our country1 where there has
 been so much blood spilt to work out   
the liberty of every free born son and  
daughter of ,america4 ,and because ,i   
endeavor to make known to the world this
 crime1 ,i am threatened with a second  
imprisonment1 by my brother ,eben4 ,if  
it is a crazy story surely it will do no
 harm1 and if it is not1 why had it not 
ought to come out4 ,let a council of    
physicians be held upon my body and see 
if ,i am a person that can enjoy life4  
,i think that minds that understand the 
organization of the human body and its  
functions will say that some outrage has
 been commited upon me4 ,if ,i had lost 
my reason is it right to take the       
advantage of a crazy person and destroy 
happiness4 ,charlestown ,mc,lean        

,assylum is to a weak excited person as 
a grog-shop is to an intemperate man1 or
 a house of ill-fame1 to a licentious   
person2 they can be completely ruined4  
,i hope this will be looked into before 
another one is destroyed1 and that those
 still remaining in that awful place of 
imprisonment1 weeping their hours away1 
may be relieved by seeing their friends 
soon4 ,may ,god awaken the mind of the  
public to the sufferings of the         
helpless4  ,i am frequently asked the   
question1 by those who hear of my       
sufferings1 if ,i don't think ,i shall  
be happy after death4 ,i will answer    
this here so every one may know what my 
dreadful situation is4--,no6 for reasons
 before stated4  ,at the request of many
 of my friends1 ,i have been examined by
 a magnetized somnambulist1 and ,i am   
requested to state the result of the    
examination to the public4 ,i was       
examined the first time by ,mr4 ,fowler1
 the ,phrenologist1 taking a lock of my 
hair to ,miss ,gleason4 ,she stated that

 ,i had great distress in the back part 
of my head1 my spinal marrow was dry2   
distress in my limbs1 inclined to sit   
forwards2 disagreable feeling at my     
stomach2 nervous temperament2 needed    
kind treatment1 c4 ,the #aeth of ,july  
,i was examined again by ,miss ,gleason1
 being personally present4 ,she was     
magnetized by ,mr4 ,butrick1 a stranger 
to me4 ,i did not go into the room till 
after she was asleep4 ,she stated about 
the same as she did the first time1 but 
added that my brain looked dark2 that ,i
 had been in such distress it was a     
wonder ,i had lived through it2 and ,i  
still was in distress2 my brain was     
drawn together and she clenched her     
hands together in order to convey the   
idea2 she remarked upon my disposition1 
being very decided in my opinion2 an    
enquiring mind1 desiring to labor with  
my head rather than my hands1 which had 
incensed my relations against me2 and it
 would have been better for me if they  
had put me into the grave alive than    

carried me to the ,hospital4 ,if ,i had 
never been carried there ,i should not  
have been as ,i am now2 for the future  
,i could not labor with my head4 ,if ,i 
published my sufferings to the world it 
would not be believed because ,i could  
not now use language to express myself4 
,she thought it would be investigated4  
,july #bc;d1 ,i was examined in public  
by ,mrs4 ,pease1 at the ,masonic ,hall1 
who was with ,mr4 ,shattuck lecturing on
 ,magnetism4 ,i was an entire stranger  
to them both4 ,she stated that ,i was   
nervous1 distressed in the back part of 
my head2 that some powerful mineral     
medicine had been given to me1 which had
 injured me2 that ,i had been cruelly   
deceived4 ,she described the medicine to
 be pills and a liquid1 very dark and   
some colored resembling saffron2 that it
 had injured my brain1 and it never     
ought to have been given to me2 and ,i  
had been injured by unkind treatment2 my
 ambition led me to go beyond my        
strength in labor and reading1 and that 

medicine ought not to be given to any   
one1 c4 ,many were present who had heard
 of my sufferings and were surprised to 
hear her tell it so exactly4 ,may ,god  
bring to light this awful crime1 for my 
sufferings do not end in this world1    
although the crime was done by others4  
,in conclusion1 before this work is     
attributed to insanity why will not the 
public demand an examination of the     
affairs and management of the ,mc',lean 
,assylum1 and see whether my charges be 
true or false4     ,,errata4   ,in the  
#beth line first page1 read ,it for ,i4 
,same page #eth line from the bottom1   
read ,i for ,it4 ,on #dth page1 #bdth   
and #beth lines1 after refused to obey  
him read for my teacher said without the
 mind was enlightened by the ,spirit of 
,christ it was not prepared for         
knowledge4 ,page #ajth1 #cc;d line1 for 
,eliza ,dammus read ,caroline ,dammers4 
,on #abth page1 #dth line1 read ,david  
instead of ,daniel4 ,on page #bb;d1     
#ahth line1 for him read my mother4     

,same page1 #bjth line1 for too read to 
come4 ,same page1 #bith line1 for noon  
read night4 ,on #bfth page1 #abth line  
from bottom1 for non-spiritual read nor 
spiritual4 ,on the #bhth page1 #bb;d    
line1 read from suffering1 for matter   
cannot be annihilated2 but ,i should to 
c4 ,on #bith page1 #ith line1 instead of
 and said they are1 c41 read and says   
the organs are1 c4 ,same page1 #afth    
line from the bottom1 for ,dr4 ,fox1    
read ,dr4 ,bell4 ,on #cast page1 #hth   
line1 for ,dr4 ,kay1 read ,dr4 ,ray4