,,simplex ,,munditiis ,,simplex ,,munditiis ,,gentlemen ,illustration ,,new-,,york ,,the ,,de ,,vinne ,,press ,,mdcccxci ,copyright1 #ahia1 by the ,,simplex ,,munditiis ,,publishing ,,co4 ,,to ,,all ,,who ,,admire ,,perfect ,,dress ,,and ,,correct ,,social ,,habits ,this ,book is ,dedicated ,,in ,,the ,,hope ,,that ,,the ,,principles ,,it ,,teaches ,,may ,,promote ,,strict ,,observance ,,of ,,the ,,usages ,,of ,,society4 ,,part ,i ,,dress ,,for ,,gentlemen ,,contents ,,page ,,introduction #aa ,,morning ,,wear #ae ,,afternoon ,,dress #ba ,,evening ,,dress #bg ,,the ,,overcoat #cc ,,attire ,,for ,,riding1 ,,driving1 ,,traveling1 ,,yachting1 ,,and ,,lounging #ch ,,house ,,wear #dh ,,sleeping ,,attire #ej ,,linen #ea ,,underclothing #ee ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,dressing ,,the ,,collar #eg ,,walking ,,stick ,,and ,,umbrella #fc ,,miscellanies #fe ,,dress ,,for ,,weddings--,,funerals--,,christenings-- ,,at ,,home ,,or ,,church--,,new ,,year',s ,,calls--,,mourning--,,church ,,wear--,,suspenders--,,uppers--,,attire ,,made ,,to ,,order--,,blondes ,,and ,,brunettes--,,jewelry--,,dressing ,,case--,,articles ,,for ,,same--,,rubbers--,,english ,,rain ,,attire--,,cloth ,,bands ,,on ,,top-,,hats--,,wigs--,,opera ,,glass--,,decorations--,,fans--,,trouse rs ,,crease--,,pockets--,,monocle--,,dress ,,shields--,,english ,,hunt ,,attire--,,hunt ,,ball--,,closing ,,remarks4 ,,introduction ,dress is the embodiment of taste and refinement4 ,a man looks1 and is1 distinguished1 when he shows simple elegance in his dress4 ,it is not necessary to have wealth in order to dress well4 ,with judgment and economy1 one can be something of a dresser4 ,this book is but a guide for men who desire to dress1 and are perplexed by the multitude of things there are to wear1 and the ever-changing styles4 ,when a thing becomes vulgarly popular1 then1 if you wish to be in dress1 as well as manners1 a gentleman1 cast it aside1 and seek something newer and less common4 ,dressing may be carried to any extent1 but it is not good taste to do so4 ,a gentleman is conspicuous for one thing only--his good taste4 ,above all dress are manners and grace4 ,without these1 one can never be a gentleman4 ,in the other part of this work1 manners and customs may be studied4 ,a gentleman is a man of taste1 culture1 and refinement4 ,no man is a gentleman who merely does the acts of a gentleman4 ,he must show good breeding--in dress1 manners1 and conversation4 ,his dress is the perfection of raiment4 ,his manner is grace and ease personified4 ,his conversation1 knowledge itself4 ,proud1 indeed1 may the man be who can write after his name--gentleman4 ,let 8,simplex ,munditiis0 be your motto for dress4 ,each person must remember one thing3 that1 to be distingu in dress1 he must dress1 as regards material1 richly2 and1 as to pattern of cloth1 plainly4 ,in other words1 simple elegance shows the gentleman4 ,everything you wear must be immaculate4 ,there are three dress divisions of the day3 ,morning wear4 ,afternoon dress4 ,evening dress4 ,the first may be worn any time of the day before #f ,p4 ,m41 though it belongs to the morning4 ,the second is not worn before #b ,p4 ,m4 ,the third is not worn before #f ,p4 ,m4 ,the attire for all athletic games1 sports1 amusements1 for the clergy1 and gentlemen in the army and navy1 it is not within the province of this work to treat of4 ,in fact1 we treat of only that which is worn by a gentleman at home or abroad1 in summer or winter1 when mingling in society4 ,illustration ,,morning ,,wear ,,worn ,,any ,,time ,,of ,,day ,indoors or outdoors1 morning wear consists of the following1 as the tastes of the wearer may dictate4 ,the ,head4--,the black felt derby is the proper hat for morning4 ,the light brown in derbys is a pleasing change for spring1 summer1 or fall wear4 ,but never be without a black derby1 as it is the hat worn when not in formal dress4 ,a derby is never worn with a frock body-coat1 a cutaway body-coat1 a ,cowes body-coat1 on a dress body-coat4 ,it belongs entirely to the walking or sack body-coat4 ,have your hats made to order4 ,you will be better pleased in the end4 ,the derby is proper and becoming to men of all ages4 ,i would caution any one against wearing such derbys as are of a pearl1 gray1 drab1 slate1 and cigar browns4 ,these are all in bad taste4 ,the slouch felt hat is ignored by gentlemen4 ,if a man desires light shades of derbys1 then let him have them the same shade as the suit he wears them with4 ,the ,hand4--,gloves for morning wear should be a dark tan1 and made of kid4 ,heavy weight for the winter months1 and very light for summer4 ,raw seams and arrow-back stitching is the style4 ,generally one button only on wrist4 ,the leading furnishing shops are recommended for gloves4 ,if possible1 have your gloves made to order2 you are then sure of a perfect fit4 ,never wear a glove after it becomes soiled4 ,it is just as bad as having dirty hands4 ,the ,foot4--,calf-skin1 patent leather1 and enamel leather1 are used for walking shoes4 ,they should be made with moderately thick soles1 taper at the toes1 and lace4 ,it is best to have shoes made to order4 ,nothing about a man's dress is so quickly noticed as ill-fitting shoes4 ,the ,body4--,the body-coat3 ,this is a black sack body-coat1 either double or single breasted4 ,both styles are correct4 ,the materials used are thibets1 cheviots1 and black serges4 ,at present they are made with four buttons1 very wide collars1 and very long in the body4 ,the waistcoat3 ,this always matches the body-coat in material and pattern4 ,likewise1 it may be double or single breasted4 ,it is not necessary1 in this respect1 for it to match the body-coat4 ,trousers3 ,these may be of any material and pattern4 ,they may match the material of the body-coat1 or not1 as the taste of the wearer may dictate4 ,it is better taste to wear dark trousers with morning wear4 ,see that your trousers have the proper cut1 and fit perfectly4 ,this is at once the most difficult to fit1 and the ugliest part--if ill-fitting--of the attire for men4 ,therefore1 give it the most attention4 ,in order to have them cut correctly you must rely on the fashion-plate and its accompanying directions4 ,insist on your directions being followed by the tailor4 ,there is also the cutaway suit for morning wear4 ,this is worn mostly by elderly and heavily built men4 ,it consists of a cutaway body-coat four buttons1 waistcoat single-breasted1 and trousers4 ,these three pieces are always of the same material and pattern4 ,the same things are worn with this as with the sack body-coat4 99 99 99 99 99 ,heavy cloths for winter and light weights for summer wear4 ,the sack body-coat becomes all men1 tall or short1 thin or stout1 old or young4 ,fancy serge waistcoats1 also fine linen waistcoats1 and sashes in summer1 may be worn with the sack body-coat4 ,never wear trousers and waistcoat of one pattern1 and body-coat another2 it is exceeding bad taste4 ,suits1 perfectly correct and very elegant1 are made of selected materials4 ,the sack body-coat1 waistcoat1 and trousers are always1 in this case1 from the same piece of goods4 ,some beautiful materials of light shades are made for summer wear4 ,for winter wear darker and slightly heavier materials are used4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,morning ,promenade ,dress4--,this consists of frock body-coat1 waistcoat1 and trousers4 ,these three pieces are always cut from the same material and pattern4 ,the body-coat and waistcoat may be single or double-breasted4 ,only light shades or patterns of cloths are used4 ,never have this promenade dress in black4 ,the correct head covering is the black silk top-hat with this promenade dress4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,afternoon ,,dress ,,worn ,,after ,,two ,p4 ,m4 ,the ,head4--,a black silk top-hat4 ,always of the latest pattern1 either ,paris1 ,london1 or ,new-,york make4 ,all are equally stylish4 ,this hat1 above all others1 should be made to order2 this being necessary if you desire a fit both becoming and comfortable4 ,in this city spring and summer have light weights4 ,for fall and winter a slightly heavier hat is made4 ,this is the only proper hat for afternoon dress in summer or winter4 ,the ,hand4--,light or dark tan kid walking gloves are worn4 ,the back stitching may be black silk or same shade as the glove4 ,one or two buttons4 ,undressed kid gloves1 either light or dark shades1 are also worn especially for afternoon receptions4 ,the ,foot4--,the leathers used are patent1 and enamel4 ,laced ,bluchers are worn at this time of day4 ,for summer wear1 the same1 or the same leathers made in ties4 ,again1 ,i caution you to pay particular attention to the fit1 and have them made to order4 ,you exercise your own taste as to the style the shoe is made in4 ,the ,body4--,the proper body-coat is the black cutaway4 ,this is now made with three buttons1 and wide collar cut low1 single-breasted4 ,the material used is diagonal4 ,this body-coat should be of light weight1 as it is a dress body-coat4 ,french ,thibets are also used4 ,the ,waistcoat4--,this is made of the same material as the body-coat4 ,it may be double or single breasted4 ,the waistcoat should be cut low in front1 that the large puff scarf may be well exposed4 ,four buttons4 ,waistcoats may be of selected materials such as fancy serges and fine linens4 ,in summer white or black silk sashes are worn4 ,the ,trousers4--,these should be carefully selected and well-fitted4 ,the material and pattern should go well with black1 as this is always the color of the afternoon body-coat4 ,any pattern1 checks1 stripes1 etc41 may be worn for afternoon dress4 ,never wear loud patterns2 they are exceedingly bad taste and rowdyish4 ,never wear trousers of the same material as the body-coat or waistcoat1 as it is not afternoon dress4 ,very light patterns may be worn in summer4 ,in winter slightly darker patterns are worn4 ,if pockets are placed in trousers they are apt to be used2 this spoils the set of the cloth around the hips4 ,therefore leave them out if possible4 ,as a rule1 the bottoms of trousers should be turned up--about two inches--while walking in the street4 ,of course1 on a clear day this is unnecessary4 ,frock ,body-coat4--,this is the formal afternoon dress body-coat4 ,in ,paris the men wear no other4 ,it is never worn before #d4cj ,p4 ,m4 ,it is worn at day weddings1 at teas1 receptions1 and on the promenade4 ,the material used is the same as in a cutaway body-coat4 ,always black goods4 ,the same things are worn with a frock body-coat as with a cutaway body-coat4 ,it is made single or double breasted4 ,the wardrobe of a gentleman is never complete without one or more frock body-coats4 ,the frock body-coat is always worn buttoned4 ,it is worn in summer1 but always with a waistcoat4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the cutaway body-coat is worn buttoned in winter1 and may sometimes be worn with rolled back collar in summer4 ,there is also a double-breasted cutaway body-coat1 three buttons1 always black4 ,this is worn more for promenading than anything else4 ,this can be worn in winter--on mild days--without a top-coat or greatcoat4 ,the waistcoat matches it and the trousers are selected4 ,sometimes1 for promenading in the spring1 a frock body-coat with waistcoat and trousers of the same piece of goods is worn4 ,in this case the material is some smooth1 light-colored pattern4 ,again1 only a black silk top-hat can be worn with this frock suit4 ,this suit is worn without a greatcoat or light overcoat4 ,afternoon dress is worn at day weddings1 afternoon receptions1 teas1 matines1 exhibitions of all kinds where ladies are present1 and when promenading with ladies4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,evening ,,dress ,,worn ,,after ,,six ,p4 ,m4 ,this is the culmination of grandeur in the dress of gentlemen4 ,bulwer's novel 8,henry ,pelham0 is responsible for the almost complete blackness of the attire for this otherwise gayest time of day4 ,the ,head4--,the black silk top-hat is supreme and only here1 as in afternoon dress4 ,same style as that worn for afternoon dress4 ,the crush opera-hat is entirely out of style in this city4 ,when indoors1 the top-hat should be carried in the left hand4 ,the exceptions to this rule are dances1 evening receptions1 and dinners4 ,the ,hand4--,the white kid glove goes with evening dress1 and must always be worn with it1 except at or during a dinner4 ,the back stitching may be self or black4 ,pearl or gray shades are sometimes worn4 ,no other covering should be worn on the hand after #f ,p4 ,m4 ,if one travels through the streets and on the cars1 the best glove to wear--and perfectly proper--is the black kid glove1 with black stitching1 worn only while en route4 ,never wear tan-colored or any light shades of gloves with evening dress1 indoors or out-of-doors4 ,it is bad taste1 and looks1 as it is1 shoddy4 ,you may wear white evening gloves at any time or place after #f ,p4 ,m41 and you are not complete in your dress unless you so do4 ,the ,foot4--,dancing pumps are little worn in this city1 in fact they are pass4 ,the climate is such1 a man could never be out of his carriage1 if he wore pumps1 without risk of a catarrh4 ,the proper shoe is made of patent leather1 button1 kid uppers1 and no tips4 ,this is the shoe for evening dress4 ,have them made to order1 as that is the only way to secure a perfect fit4 ,the ,body4--,the evening dress body-coat is always of a black material4 ,a radical change has taken place in the material used4 ,dress for evening wear1 especially among young men1 no longer consists of the heavy1 stiff broadcloths and doeskins1 but is now made of fine diagonals1 of an almost silky texture4 ,this is the body-coat above all others4 ,much care should be given the fitting and style4 ,they are made now with shawl collar1 and silk lined4 ,never wear any kind of binding on the body-coat4 ,do not wear buttons and buttonholes on the sleeve of body-coat4 ,the styles1 changing each year1 should be followed minutely4 ,in evening dress one must appear a gentleman1 if it is in him at all4 ,the ,waistcoat4--,materials used1 same as body-coat1 or white silks and black silks4 ,patterns selected as taste directs4 ,of course the waistcoat is confined strictly to black or white4 ,it may be three or four buttons2 double or single breasted4 ,it may be low or high4 ,never wear linen waistcoats for evening dress4 ,the ,trousers4--,black1 and always the same material as the body-coat4 ,as much care is given to the set and fit1 as to that of the body-coat4 ,leave out pockets4 ,wide1 black1 silk-braided braid is worn on the outside of trouser-legs4 ,width of legs1 medium4 ,the ,cowes or ,tuxedo ,body-coat4--,this is for informal evening and home wear4 ,it is made of the same material as the dress body-coat4 ,shawl collar4 ,the same things are worn with it as with the dress body-coat4 ,it is worn at home1 to informal dinners1 the club1 and the theater4 ,for ,sunday evenings this is worn in place of the dress body-coat1 with dress waistcoat1 dress trousers1 and black satin cravat4 ,again1 only the top-hat is worn with the ,tuxedo body-coat4 ,knee-,breeches4--,these may be worn in place of dress trousers at any grand ball1 reception1 or soire4 ,they are black silk or black satin1 or same material as dress body-coat4 ,in ,paris and ,london they are much worn4 ,patent leather pumps and black silk stockings are worn4 ,this is the only change in evening dress1 when knee-breeches are worn4 ,of course1 in this attire you must always drive in a closed carriage4 ,flowered or figured colored waistcoats1 double or single breasted1 may be worn2 white or black preferred4 ,the dress body-coats may also be in colors as well as black4 ,an elegant attire1 such as this1 is to be worn for grand formal evening dress4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,the ,,overcoat ,greatcoat4--,this is a heavy greatcoat1 with or without a cape1 as fashion or taste may decide4 ,double or single breasted1 long or short4 ,it is worn during the day only1 either over morning wear or afternoon dress4 ,it is most fashionable and elegant when made of some black or dark blue material4 ,the very latest in this greatcoat is made thus3 very long--five inches below knee--no fit1 without seam in middle of back--broad shawl collar of black velvet1 single-breasted1 dark blue box-cloth4 ,it is shoulder-lined with black silk4 ,for afternoon dress wear only4 ,one may follow his own taste in selecting a material for this day greatcoat4 ,this is made to wear during the coldest weather4 ,it should be removed immediately on going indoors4 ,light ,overcoat4--,for fall and spring wear4 ,this is box cut1 made of a light weight material4 ,the overcoat for cool days and evening wear1 as over evening dress in summer1 is of some selected black material4 ,the day overcoat or afternoon walking-coat is of some light pattern1 selected according to taste of wearer4 ,these overcoats are now cut very short4 ,these overcoats are worn over morning wear or afternoon dress1 particularly the light shades over the latter4 ,driving ,overcoat4--,this is a box-coat cut long or short4 ,double or single-breasted4 ,the color should be light1 as it will not show dust4 ,heavy material is used for winter and light for summer driving4 ,the ,riding ,top-coat4--,this is a short ,english box-coat4 ,the material is soft and of medium weight4 ,the color may be light or dark4 ,the ,raglan4--8,lord ,chumly10 ,inverness1 or sleeveless1 greatcoat for evening wear4 ,this is the only greatcoat to wear over evening dress4 ,it is always black1 and with a large1 full-length cape4 ,there are no sleeves1 the cape covering the arms completely4 ,this is the perfect greatcoat to wear over evening dress1 as removing and placing on can be accomplished without disturbing in any way the dress4 ,this greatcoat makes up for the ugliness of the day overcoats in the graceful appearance it gives the wearer4 ,it is worn at night only1 in the carriage1 or on the street4 ,it is removed on going indoors4 ,ulsters1 fur greatcoats1 and greatcoats with fur collars and cuffs1 may be worn for very cold weather4 ,they are for day wear only4 ,the ,mackintosh4--,this is made in any pattern2 the inner lining being rubber4 ,with or without cape4 ,double or single breasted4 ,light weights for summer and heavy for winter wear4 ,it is worn by day only4 ,it may be worn with morning wear or afternoon dress4 ,in the latter a top-hat should never be worn with a mackintosh4 ,only a derby is worn4 ,in all cloudy1 damp1 or wet weather the mackintosh appears4 ,it is not necessary to carry an umbrella4 ,the mackintosh should be worn very long1 and rather loose in fit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,you may follow the fashion-plate as regards the style your greatcoat or overcoat is to be made in4 ,you will discuss with your cutter the correct thing in seams1 linings1 buttons1 and pockets4 ,these things are constantly changing1 and therefore have no fixed rule4 ,covered buttons are worn only on light walking overcoats and evening greatcoats4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,attire ,,for ,,riding1 ,,driving1 ,,traveling1 ,,yachting1 ,,and ,,lounging ,,riding ,the ,head4--,black derby for winter4 ,brown derby for summer4 ,a cord is attached to the hat1 which may be loosened and made fast to a body-coat button4 ,same style of derby as that used for morning wear4 ,the silk hat may be worn for formal riding when without the top-coat4 ,the ,hand4--,dark tan gloves or gauntlets1 same as morning wear4 ,the ,foot4--,riding boots or shoes are worn1 according to taste of wearer4 ,the leathers used are patent or enamel4 ,spurs of nickel or silver plate are worn4 ,the crop is always carried4 ,this is silver mounted1 and any selected wood4 ,the ,body4--,a four-button1 single-breasted cutaway of any selected material and pattern--not black--is the proper body-coat4 ,very short skirts4 ,waistcoat same1 or selected material4 ,high cut2 single-breasted4 ,trousers4--,they may be long1 with straps4 ,they may be short--just below knee--buttoned at side and baggy above knee4 ,riding boots or leggings are worn with the knee-breeches1 while with the trousers laced shoes are worn4 ,the leggings are made to button1 strap1 or hook4 ,the most stylish leggings are of the same material as the breeches4 ,trousers or breeches should be of some light pattern2 material should be strong4 ,they are lined on the seat and inner side of legs with chamois skin4 ,for evening rides1 as in academies1 the black silk top-hat1 white sude gloves1 single-breasted1 black1 cutaway body-coat1 and strap trousers of the same material4 ,spurs and crop may be worn4 ,for elderly men the black body-coat and strap trousers may be worn during the day4 ,,driving ,morning wear is worn for morning drives4 ,afternoon drives1 if formal1 afternoon dress is worn4 ,the same rule holds good when you handle the ribbons1 as when the coachman occupies the box4 ,the driving overcoat is only worn in the box seat4 ,,traveling ,morning wear is the proper dress for all travel1 be it on ocean or land4 ,sack suits1 double or single breasted1 are exceedingly stylish and comfortable4 ,dark colored material is doubtless the best1 as it does not show the dust and wear of travel4 ,heavy cloths for winter and light weights for summer travel4 ,,yachting ,this is worn on board ship any time of year4 ,for visiting on shore1 a day or so1 it may be worn1 if your temporary home is the yacht4 ,heavy material for winter1 and light weights for summer4 ,head4--,the proper head apparel is the yachting cap4 ,this may be made in white or blue flannel1 serge1 or white canvas4 ,the yachting cap is for morning1 afternoon1 or evening wear1 in port or at sea4 ,the ,hand4--,for all formal affairs on board ship1 white sude gloves are worn4 ,in winter or summer1 tan kid gloves may be worn with yachting attire4 ,foot4--,either a blue or white canvas laced shoe or tie1 with rubber soles1 for day wear4 ,for summer evening wear1 white sude or canvas ties4 ,for the same in winter1 evening dress-shoes4 ,body4--,for day wear1 the double-breasted1 sack body-coat4 ,this may be blue or white flannel1 or serges in blue or white4 ,brass buttons are generally used4 ,waistcoat4--,this may match the body-coat in material and color1 and cut1 or not1 as the wearer desires4 ,trousers4--,these always match the body-coat in material and color4 ,white canvas suits may be worn1 but they are coarse and clumsy4 ,white trousers may also be worn with a blue body-coat4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for formal occasions1 evening wear on a yacht consists of evening dress1 as on land4 ,the silk neglig shirt is worn for day wear1 if preferred to linen4 ,the ties for day wear are four-in-hands and cravats1 self-tying4 ,these are in silk1 either white1 black1 or blue1 flowered1 figured1 or solid colors4 ,de ,joinvilles1 also1 tied in bow knots1 are worn4 ,,lounging ,this dress belongs strictly to the summer months2 it is never worn in the city4 ,the ,head4--,for day wear there is the white split straw1 with white or black silk bands4 ,also1 the yachting cap1 in white or black4 ,this is made of flannel1 or a material matching the lounging suit4 ,these hats are worn for tennis1 walking1 driving1 riding1 day receptions1 lawn parties1 etc4 ,however1 these hats are never to be worn in the city4 ,the ,hand4--,white sude gloves are worn with lounging suits1 when walking or driving4 ,the ,foot4--,white canvas1 white sude1 tan or white buckskin1 and patent leather ties1 are worn with lounging suits4 ,for tennis1 and games on the lawn1 canvas1 or sude1 or buckskin shoes1 or ties1 with either felt or rubber soles1 are used4 ,have these shoes fit1 and look as neat as possible4 ,the ,body4--,first the material--this may be serge or flannel--though the latter is out1 for the reason that it is more heating than serge--these are always full white4 ,it consists of a long or short sack body-coat1 waistcoat1 and trousers4 ,the body-coat may be single or double breasted4 ,the waistcoat may match the body-coat in cut and material or not4 ,fancy patterns may be used4 ,trousers are always the same material and color as the body-coat4 ,have the cut loose1 and almost flowing4 ,the trousers may have a stripe at the side4 ,no pockets4 ,lounging suits may also be made up in some selected pattern1 as small checks or narrow black stripes4 ,but there is nothing so rich as the solid white lounging suit4 ,the sash or kummerbund4--,the length is from four to five yards4 ,always tie your sash--never wear those cheap1 common made-ups4 ,a sash may be worn any time of day4 ,the material is always silk4 ,never wear any but solid colors4 ,black silks and white silks are the most elegant and correct4 ,sashes of maroon or dark blue are sometimes worn4 ,the ends hang over the left hip1 and should be evenly tied4 ,the sash is worn with a lounging suit1 morning wear1 afternoon dress1 and evening dress4 ,the white sash is worn with a white lounging suit and evening dress only4 ,the neglig shirt is made of silk1 or cheviots4 ,however1 this is no longer worn by young gentlemen of fashion4 ,a word about this shirt--it is doubtless very comfortable1 and can be worn longer than linen1 but it is not as cool as linen1 nor does it look as well about the neck4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,house ,,wear ,the formal dress is the same as that worn at any other house4 ,in the privacy of your rooms1 however1 you change this attire for something that is loose and comfortable4 ,sack body-coats of selected materials are used4 ,the trousers are of some black or blue material1 as selected4 ,there is also the smoking jacket and the poker jacket--these are in many varieties of material and pattern4 ,again1 we have the short and the long dressing-gowns4 ,there are many patterns to choose from4 ,before and after the bath1 the bath-robe is put on4 ,this differs from the silk dressing-gown in being made of ,turkish toweling4 ,no part of man's attire is more brilliant or beautiful than this robe4 ,the comfort experienced in wearing is only equaled by its delicate and beautiful colors4 ,for the feet we have the slipper2 this may be any leather and style your taste desires4 ,slippers are also made to match the bath-robe in material and pattern4 ,you must not wear any of these things out of the privacy of your own apartments4 ,for a lunch at home you would wear morning wear2 a reception or tea1 afternoon dress2 evening affairs1 evening dress4 ,it is as necessary--in fact1 it is due--when acting the part of the host to look your best as when you are a guest4 ,when you dine at home evening dress is always required4 ,illustration ,,sleeping ,,attire ,these are pajamas--consisting of a loose fitting sack coat1 and loose fitting trousers4 ,the material and pattern are selected as the wearer desires4 ,light weights for summer1 and heavy for winter4 ,fine linen1 silks1 and cheviots are used4 ,illustration ,,linen ,,and ,,kerchiefs ,this consists of the white linen shirt4 ,it should always be made to order1 if a fit is desired4 ,the shirt opens in front only4 ,you may have two or three buttonholes in the bosom4 ,the collar and cuffs are attached4 ,never wear detachable collars and cuffs4 ,this shirt with the plain bosom is worn for morning wear1 afternoon dress1 evening dress1 or any other wear during the day4 ,the same style of shirt is worn winter or summer4 ,very elegant shirts are made for evening dress1 consisting of embroidered bosoms or frills of linen4 ,with each change of wear the linen should also be changed4 ,at least three changes a day are made4 ,the style of the collar4 ,this may be very high1 or medium1 as your taste directs4 ,the cuffs should extend to the first thumb-joint4 ,cuffs are made with round or square edges4 ,the high1 or standing1 collar is worn with morning wear1 afternoon dress1 evening dress1 and all other dress4 ,the ,handkerchief4--,this is of pure white linen1 with white borders4 ,embroidered or not1 as taste dictates4 ,the same style is carried with morning wear1 afternoon dress1 or evening dress1 or any other wear4 ,the upper left outside pocket is the place to carry it1 except in evening dress1 when it is carried in the left or right side upper inside waistcoat pocket4 ,the handkerchief of silk is carried with evening dress only4 ,it is carried in the right hand while dancing1 and worn in the shirt front4 ,it may be any pattern desired4 ,white silk is always the body1 the border only being colored4 ,the neckerchief4 ,this is of silk1 selected as to color and pattern4 ,this is worn around the neck with greatcoat during cold weather4 ,it is not a good thing to wear1 as far as health goes4 ,it is not necessary to the stylish dresser4 ,a gold pin may be worn in a neckerchief4 ,waistcoat ,facings4--,these are seldom worn now by the dressers4 ,the material used is linen or silk1 always white4 ,they are cut to match the waistcoat1 opening about the tie4 ,worn in winter only4 ,they can be worn with morning wear or afternoon dress4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,underclothing ,this consists of shirt1 drawers1 and half-hose4 ,the material may be flannel1 balbriggan1 or silk4 ,white is the proper color1 because it is pure and clean4 ,such colors as pink1 or blue1 or black may be worn4 ,have the drawers fit tight1 or the trousers will set ill4 ,half-hose4--,these should fit very tight4 ,they should match the shirt and drawers in material and color4 ,half-hose should be in solid colors only4 ,morning wear and afternoon dress4 ,white or black is the most elegant2 other shades may be worn1 if desired4 ,they should match the underwear4 ,for evening dress1 white or black only4 ,white half-hose worn with white underwear only4 ,black half-hose with white or black underwear only4 ,half-hose ,supporters4--,these are made to hold up half-hose4 ,they are of white silk4 ,other colors may be worn4 99 99 99 99 99 ,underclothing should be changed at least twice a day4 ,silk is worn always with evening dress4 ,indulge in baths as frequently as possible4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,dressing ,,the ,,collar ,in ties1 cravats1 and scarfs we have two colors--these are the principals4 ,they are black1 and white4 ,with these1 combined or separate1 the most elegant scarfs are made4 ,they may be figured or flowered1 or solid colors4 ,the materials used are silks1 crpes1 satins and lawn4 ,the patterns--with black or white as a background--are innumerable4 ,use all the taste you can command in selecting ties4 ,remember that black is your principal body-coat color1 and select your ties accordingly4 ,at the same time you must not have the color or pattern of the tie at war with that of the waistcoat or trousers4 ,never wear those flaming ties1 or shades that remind you of the colored paper sold in shops4 ,but a gentleman need not be cautioned in this1 for he has or will acquire taste4 ,besides black or white it is permissible to wear such shades of maroon1 green1 blue1 violet1 as are of a rich but quiet style4 ,these are only worn with morning wear4 ,for ,morning ,wear4--,cravats1 four-in-hands1 and puff scarfs4 ,all self-tying4 ,these may be black1 white1 or any of the before-mentioned shades4 ,in silks and black satin4 ,gold pins are worn in the scarfs4 ,it is the acme of ugliness to wear pins in a four-in-hand1 besides being vulgar4 ,the four-in-hand may be tied in the regulation style or in the form of a bow4 ,never wear a made-up bow1 scarf1 or four-in-hand4 ,they look cheap1 and they are vulgarly common4 ,then there is the bow or cravat1 tied in the regular bow-knot4 ,black is the richest and most elegant color for morning wear4 ,the same styles are worn in summer as in winter4 ,in summer much of the bosom is allowed to show2 while in winter it seldom or never shows1 excepting evening dress4 ,wherever and whenever morning wear is used1 any of these ties may be worn4 ,for riding1 driving1 traveling1 yachting1 and lounging1 the ties for morning wear may be worn4 ,very elegant1 large cravats--tied in a bow-knot1 or as a four-in-hand--are made from ,de ,joinvilles2 either in black satins or black silks1 or dark shades of silk4 ,the ,de ,joinville is folded by yourself or your furnisher4 ,it may be sewed or not4 ,this ,de ,joinville cravat is for morning wear only4 ,always have your ties1 cravats1 and scarfs made to order4 ,this is the only way to keep them uncommon4 ,afternoon ,dress4--,here is the chance for the greatest amount of display4 ,diamond pins1 and large1 white1 puff scarfs tied and pinned in shape by yourself1 are worn with the cutaway body-coat or the frock body-coat4 ,in winter the large puff scarf only is worn with afternoon dress4 ,in summer1 four-in-hands--either in bow or regular tie--as well as the puff scarfs are worn4 ,with a sash--a bow tied or a four-in-hand tied1 its ends placed in the opening of the bosom1 is worn4 ,a scarf may be worn with a sash when the body-coat is not worn open4 ,waistcoats should be four buttons1 and body-coats cut low in collars in order to show the beauties of the huge puff scarf now worn4 ,silk is the material for the white scarf4 ,satin is only allowable in black and dark shades for scarfs4 ,exquisite silk or crpe puff scarfs consisting of white background with figures or flowers of a violet1 blue1 purple1 maroon1 etc41 as your taste directs1 are worn4 ,remember1 simplicity for morning wear--elegance for afternoon dress4 ,for house wear the black silk or satin four-in-hand is the neatest tie worn4 ,the ,ascot form of tying a scarf is seldom used now4 ,evening ,dress4--,full evening dress requires the white lawn cravat--self-tying4 ,long and wide is the most elegant4 ,once or twice around may be worn4 ,for wear with ,tuxedo or ,cowes body-coat1 or the dress body-coat at informal affairs1 theater1 club1 or home dinners1 the black satin cravat--self-tying--is the proper thing4 ,it may be once or twice around as you like4 ,never wear this cravat with a white waistcoat or white sash4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,walking ,,stick ,,and ,,umbrella ,the walking stick is worn with morning wear1 afternoon dress1 but never with evening dress4 ,the styles are ever changing4 ,sticks are worn in summer and winter4 ,in selecting sticks do not take the extremes in heavy or light4 ,never have any metal but silver--it is the most elegant4 ,among the best dressers and beaus of this city the walking stick is no longer carried or worn1 either with morning wear or afternoon dress4 ,as went the rapier so goes the walking stick4 ,the ,umbrella4--,this is worn only in doubtful or wet weather4 ,it is worn at any time of day4 ,silver is the only proper metal4 ,the material should be silk or part silk4 ,never wear the case in the street4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,miscellanies ,weddings4--,at morning weddings1 the bridegroom wears formal afternoon dress and pearl-gray gloves4 ,the others wear morning dress4 ,afternoon weddings1 all wear afternoon dress4 ,evening weddings1 all wear evening dress4 ,funerals4--,if in the morning1 morning wear4 ,afternoon1 afternoon dress4 ,evening1 evening dress4 ,of course1 all the attire is black in this case2 the only reason for black being the demand of superstitious custom4 ,christenings4--,according to the time of day it takes place4 ,if morning1 morning wear4 ,afternoon1 afternoon dress4 ,evening1 evening dress4 ,at ,home or ,church4--,the dress is the same when weddings1 etc41 take place at home as at church4 ,calls ,new ,year's4--,it is not proper now to make calls on ,new ,year's day4 ,that is the only time that evening dress was ever worn before #f ,p4 ,m4 ,it was worn nearly all day then4 ,for ,mourning4--,everything worn that shows1 excepting the linen1 should be black1 for all times of day4 ,church ,wear4--,on ,sunday1 afternoon dress is worn at morning1 afternoon1 or evening service4 ,on the other days of the week1 morning wear1 or afternoon dress1 or evening dress1 according to time of service1 may be worn4 ,suspenders4--,these may be of silk1 or any other suitable material4 ,silk should always be worn with evening dress4 ,white is the neatest color that can be worn4 ,suspenders are worn with every dress1 summer or winter1 with or without a sash4 ,each pair of trousers should have its individual suspenders4 ,great care must be used in adjusting the suspenders2 if not1 the trousers will set awkwardly4 ,uppers1 or ,overgaiters4--,this article is becoming somewhat obsolete here4 ,they are worn in the street only4 ,they may be worn over any shoe or tie4 ,for traveling or walking only4 ,on entering the house they should be removed4 ,if worn1 they should always be made the same as the trousers1 in material and pattern4 ,they spoil the set of the trousers in the legs4 ,they are also clumsy4 ,they are some protection to the trousers in muddy weather4 ,they may be worn summer or winter4 ,uppers may be worn with morning wear1 afternoon dress1 or evening dress4 ,black cloth uppers may be worn during the daytime as well as in the evening4 ,attire ,made to ,order4--,have everything you wear made to order1 when possible4 ,blondes and ,brunettes4--,blondes should prefer dark materials4 ,brunettes1 light materials4 ,jewelry4--,the jewelry for a gentleman3 ,gold hunting-case watches4 ,gold fob-chains and silk fobs4 ,a watch may be worn with any dress4 ,silk fob for morning wear4 ,gold for afternoon and evening4 ,as many rings as he cares to possess4 ,rings are not worn with evening dress2 only in the afternoon4 ,in fact1 it is not fashionably necessary to wear rings4 ,the buttons used in the shirt bosoms are of gold set with precious stones4 ,diamonds are the most elegant4 ,plain gold buttons are worn with morning wear4 ,stonine studs or buttons1 in fact all studs1 are out of style4 ,for the sleeve or cuff3 gold buttons are used for all wear4 ,any number of gold pins for the scarfs4 ,these may be plain gold or set with precious stones2 diamonds1 of course1 being preferable4 ,simple elegance is now the rule in jewelry4 ,dressing ,case4--,always have on hand a large valise or dressing case for traveling4 ,it is requisite if you go out of town for a night only1 it being necessary to carry evening dress4 ,dressing ,case ,articles4--,articles for a dressing case are hair-brushes1 combs1 whisk-brooms1 cloth-brushes1 hand-mirrors1 manicure set1 soaps1 washes and toilet lotions1 wash-cloths1 brushes and picks for the teeth and gums1 and shaving outfit4 ,rubbers4--,rubbers or goloshes are worn1 if desired2 but only while walking in the street4 ,it is much better to have a heavy pair of laced-shoes for mud or snow4 ,of course1 when there is ice on the walks1 it is necessary to wear rubbers1 if you do any walking4 ,rubbers1 when walking1 may be worn over evening dress shoes4 ,dress ,shields4--,these are of silk or satin4 ,white or black4 ,it is for evening dress only4 ,only for winter weather4 ,it is placed over the linen bosom while en route4 ,english ,rain ,attire4--,an ,english attire for rainy weather consists of an oiled topper--top-hat oiled with vaseline--and a long-skirted greatcoat1 with a cape4 ,material and pattern selected4 ,this is worn only during the day4 ,umbrella and rubbers are unnecessary4 ,english ,hunt ,attire4--,a heavy top-hat of black silk plush is worn4 ,gloves1 crop1 and spurs4 ,a single-breasted1 frock body-coat1 green or pink1 kersey4 ,white moleskin1 loose breeches4 ,top riding-boots4 ,hunt ,ball4--,the only change is in the body-coat4 ,this is a pink broadcloth evening dress body-coat4 ,a white lawn cravat and white silk waistcoat are worn with it4 ,cloth ,bands for ,top-hats4--,wide black cloth bands are now worn on the silk top-hat1 afternoon or evening4 ,for riding or driving4 ,wigs4--,the wearing of wigs is a custom of the past4 ,whether it is to be revived or not the future alone will show4 ,it is perfectly proper for a bald man to wear a wig4 ,there is no reason in his hiding the fact either4 ,a young man may wear a wig if he is prematurely bald4 ,he certainly will make his appearance more presentable to others by so doing4 ,opera ,glass4--,a gentleman may carry one to the theater or opera--evening or afternoon4 ,the small opera glass is most convenient4 ,decorations4--,these are worn only on formal occasions4 ,then they should appear on evening dress1 or on afternoon dress with a frock body-coat4 ,worn on the left breast4 ,fans4--,these may be carried at any evening reception by a gentleman1 if he desires to so do1 when there is to be dancing4 ,folding fans1 with a heavy black or white silk cord and tassel1 are recommended4 ,as a rule1 fans are carried only for summer dances4 ,a gentleman will find it convenient and comfortable to have his own fan4 ,knee-buckles and ,shoe-buckles4--,these are of sterling silver4 ,buckles may be worn when knee-breeches are worn4 ,trousers ,crease4--,this may be worn in trousers or not as taste dictates4 ,it certainly improves the set of the trousers1 and keeps the knees straight4 ,pockets4--,these appear only in the waistcoat and body-coat4 ,the only things carried--morning wear1 afternoon dress1 and evening dress--are the linen kerchief--including the silk when in evening dress--money1 watch1 and fob chain in silk or gold1 cards1 pencil1 silver or gold4 ,the ,monocle4--,this is worn any time of day4 ,narrow black silk ribbon or cord is worn on it for morning and afternoon4 ,for evening a wide black silk ribbon is used4 ,wearing a monocle is an ,english custom4 ,the monocle is seldom worn in this city4 ,when worn it is placed in the right eye4 ,,closing ,,remarks ,a gentleman in ordering his apparel1 whether for morning wear1 afternoon dress1 or evening dress1 will follow his own taste and desire as regards the style of seams1 the material and style of linings1 the size1 number1 and kind of buttons to be used1 the number of pockets1 the length of body-coats1 overcoats1 length and width of trousers1 the style of his hat1 gloves1 and shoes1 the length of sleeves and width of collars1 use of braids and bindings1 use of collar facings1--in fact1 every point connected with the making of garments1 both outer and under clothing1 hats1 shoes1 gloves1 and ties1 all these he must decide and order the maker to follow out4 ,it is only through this care and attention to details that he can show his taste and ability to dress4 ,most important of all--especially in clothing--is the selection of material4 ,this completes the dress necessary for a gentleman of fashion1 in society or out4 ,he is not asked to follow implicitly the rules as laid down here1 but rather follow his own taste and ideas in the making and wearing of garments4 ,this is only meant as a guide4 ,it is believed to be correct in all its details1 and can be followed safely as such4 ,finis coronat opus4 ,illustration ,,part ,,ii4 ,,essential ,,customs ,,for ,,gentlemen ,,contents ,,page ,,introduction #ha ,,actions ,,indoors #he 7#a7 ,,leaving ,,the ,,room--7#b7 ,,walk ,,indoors--7#c7 ,,meeting ,,on ,,stairs--7#d7 ,,hat ,,indoors--7#e7 ,,body-,,coat ,,indoors--7#f7 ,,overcoat ,,indoors--7#g7 ,,untidy ,,appearance--7#h7 ,,cards--7#i7 ,,calling--7#aj7 ,,in ,,company--7#aa7 ,,receptions ,,and ,,teas--7#ab7 ,,luncheons--7#ac7 ,,parties--7#ad7 ,,dinners--7#ae7 ,,dancing--7#af7 ,,balls1 ,,dancing ,,classes1 ,,theater ,,parties ,,and ,,receptions--7#ag7 ,,bowling--7#ah7 ,,musicales ,,and ,,matin,e ,,parties--7#ai7 ,,amateur ,,theatricals ,,and ,,recitations--7#bj7 ,,breakfasts--7#ba7 ,,vocal ,,and ,,instrumental ,,music ,,actions ,,outdoors #aab 7#a7 ,,walking--7#b7 ,,promenading--7#c7 ,,joining ,,lady--7#d7 ,,paying ,,out ,,money--7#e7 ,,taking ,,seat ,,in ,,public ,,conveyance--7#f7 ,,driving--7#g7 ,,riding--7#h7 ,,sailing ,,personal ,,appearance #abf 7#a7 ,,hands--7#b7 ,,face--7#c7 ,,teeth--7#d7 ,,hair--7#e7 ,,facial ,,expressions--7#f7 ,,position ,,habits #aca 7#a7 ,,smoking--7#b7 ,,drinking--7#c7 ,,chewing--7#d7 ,,stretching ,,and ,,yawning ,,conversation #acd 7#a7 ,,general--7#b7 ,,grammar--7#c7 ,,laughing--7#d7 ,,compliments ,,and ,,flattery--7#e7 ,,small ,,talk ,,correspondence ,,and ,,invitations #ach ,,personal ,,actions #adf 7#a7 ,,escorts--7#b7 ,,extravagance--7#c7 ,,kissing--7#d7 ,,familiarity--7#e7 ,,chaperons--7#f7 ,,handshaking--7#g7 ,,kissing ,,hand--7#h7 ,,gentleman ,,engaged--7#i7 ,,introductions ,,proposing #aei ,,presents #afe 7#a7 ,,flowers--7#b7 ,,jewelry--7#c7 ,,bon-,,bons--7#d7 ,,photographs ,,general ,,politeness #agj 7#a7 ,,insults--7#b7 ,,embarrassments--7#c7 ,,temper ,,visiting #agf 7#a7 ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets--7#b7 ,,duties ,,of ,,visitor ,,introduction ,before entering upon my subject1 ,i would first state that this work is unlike former books on manners and etiquette1 for it seeks not as in those cases to establish rules1 enjoining the reader to be controlled thereby1 nor does it define customs and force them upon his knowledge4 ,it merely touches upon usages of sufficiently long standing to constitute customs of society1 reviews them before his mind1 and classes them as faults if not properly practised1 and gives the remedies of those faults4 ,also it defines customs which are practised too exactly to appear natural1 and shows wherein they can be modified4 ,in this work there are no monotonous rules imperatively laid down and the subjects are not tiresomely strained4 ,the most important customs only are described1 with their modifying rules2 and though the work may say what should be done or omitted1 yet it leaves it to the option of the reader whether or not he will perfect his social training by a recognition and due exercise thereof4 ,to classify the subjects under two general heads1 ,i would first speak of 8,appearance40 ,there is no necessity for a gentleman to give opportunities for others to criticize his appearance4 ,there is no reason why a gentleman should not at any and all times present a complete and neat attire4 ,dress1 extravagant or plain1 can always have such an effect1 if care and taste are exercised4 ,if he is in doubt as to his own ability to dress tastefully1 then he should submit himself to tuition1 or1 if he is too proud to disclose his ignorance in the matter1 he should take careful notice of the appearance and good taste displayed by others1 and endeavor to gain knowledge therefrom4 ,in order to carry out my advice1 it is only necessary that a gentleman should either possess or acquire good taste1 and refer entirely to styles established by custom1 as elucidated in ,part #a4 of this book4 ,the second head of customs is 8,manner40 ,for a gentleman should not present a perfect appearance as to dress1 and at the same time accompany his good taste with bad or impolite manners4 ,a gentleman should have a thorough knowledge of polite manners as established by custom1 such as are defined in this work4 ,i mention only the most important ones1 it being immaterial to go into the minor branches of etiquette and manners1 as they naturally follow in consequence of a due exercise of the more important ones4 ,it is a very simple matter to cultivate easy and graceful manners1 and just as easy to use those manners in a polite and gentlemanly way1 no matter how or under what circumstances one may be placed in society4 ,and now ,i think my reader is prepared for a perusal of what ,i would term not a classification of rules1 but a kind of outline history of customs as they should be recognized4 ,illustration ,,actions ,,indoors ,,section #a4 ,a gentleman should never leave his room without a complete attire1 as it is essential that he present the same appearance before a servant as a lady4 ,the same rule should apply when he risks encountering unknown gentlemen1 or acquaintances1 as it should be his desire to receive respect at the hands of both sexes4 #b4 ,if passing up or down stairs or through halls1 a gentleman should take care not to tread heavily2 especially is this urged in hotels1 when it is found necessary to pass through hallways late at night4 #c4 ,when about to ascend or descend a narrow stairway1 if a lady is discovered thereon1 step aside and allow her to pass2 your act thus permitting her free way without the discomfort of turning1 as would follow if both met thereon4 ,if with a lady1 in ascending or descending a narrow stairway1 always precede her1 putting a distance of at least four steps between4 ,if on a broad stairway1 allow her to occupy a place next the balustrade1 placing yourself at her other side4 #d4 ,not under any consideration should a hat be worn in a house or church2 never in a theater till the play is over1 when it is allowable1 as established by custom1 on account of the draft following the opening of the exits1 and not in a hotel except in the office or smoking-rooms thereof4 ,the wearing of a hat is also permissible when lingering or detained in the draft of any open exit to the street4 #e4 ,the body-coat should never be removed in the presence of ladies1 no matter how ready they may be to approve of the act1 unless it is their express and unanimous desire1 in which case the better policy1 in choosing between the alternative of positive rudeness and a fall of dignity1 is to take the course requested4 #f4 ,an overcoat should never be worn in a private house unless the temperature is such as makes the act compulsory in order to preserve the health1 and then only on receiving approval from the majority of those ladies 7only7 who may be present4 ,it is immaterial if it be worn in a hotel1 exceptions being made to the parlors1 ball-room1 dining-rooms or apartments4 ,the overcoat should be removed immediately on entering a theater or music hall if the intention is to remove it at all1 as it is the height of rudeness to rise in the seat to remove it if the act cause discomfort to1 or obscures the view of1 parties occupying rear or adjoining seats4 #g4 7a7 ,never add to your comfort by making your appearance displeasing to others4 ,and under this head ,i would state that the pockets of either coat1 vest1 or trousers should never be bulged out with articles so as in any way to spoil the effect of neatness and cut of the clothing4 7b7 ,the clothes should not be allowed to wrinkle2 if carefully worn1 or when not in use hung smoothly on stretchers1 wrinkles can be avoided4 7c7 ,the hands should never be carried awkwardly1 and especially must care be taken to keep them out of the pockets2 such habits mar the appearance of the gentleman4 #h4 ,cards4--7a7 ,if calling upon one young lady1 only one card should be delivered at the door2 if on two ladies1 two cards are required4 ,it is unnecessary that more than two should be sent up1 even if the call is made on the whole family4 ,this rule applies1 also1 in delivering cards at receptions1 teas1 afternoon musicales1 and the like4 ,always send cards on occasions when you cannot attend in person4 ,when calling upon ladies visiting a card should also be sent to their hostess4 7b7 ,the card should always have the gentleman's address on the right hand lower corner2 or1 if he has no permanent place of residence1 then the name of his club1 or of some person in whose care communications can be forwarded to him4 ,if his name has too many initials to permit of using the ,christian name1 then 8,mr40 should be used1 and only the initials placed before the surname2 but otherwise1 the use of 8,mr40 is according to taste1 whether it be placed before the ,christian name or omitted1 though the latter is advised4 #i4 ,calling should be confined entirely to the afternoon and evening2 a few exceptions can be made in the case of very dear friends1 when a call in the morning would not be out of the way4 ,such should be made between the hours of eleven and one4 ,afternoon calls should be made from three till five1 exceptions being made on occasions where the lady is in the habit of having five o'clock tea1 when it is allowable for the gentleman to stay till his cup or two cups are finished2 on no account is he to partake of more than two4 ,ordinary evening calls extend from eight to ten and are not to be made later than eight-thirty4 ,for no reason whatever should a gentleman stay later than ten1 unless he is calling upon his fiance2 the evening receptions extend from eight to eleven1 and the call must be made before ten4 ,when pressed to remain to a meal1 unless at least five or six calls have previously been made1 he should decline the invitation1 exceptions being permitted when the young lady's parents or guardians are on intimate terms with his own1 in which case the second call will justify him in accepting4 ,intimacy between her brothers or sisters and your own will not suffice4 ,the card is delivered at the door1 and while waiting for the lady1 enter the parlor4 ,it is not necessary to remove the overcoat until the butler announces whether or not she is at home and can see you2 whereupon1 if she acknowledges your card1 the overcoat1 hat1 cane and overshoes are to be left in the hall2 on no account leave them about the parlor4 ,it is not necessary to remove the gloves4 ,this rule applies in all cases where ordinary calls are in question2 if merely on a mission to occupy but a few moments1 the overcoat may be kept on1 and the cane carried in the hand1 but the hat must always be left upon the rack4 ,always rise and advance to meet a lady at the door2 do not subject her to the inconvenience of discovering you and coming to you herself4 ,if the lady seats herself upon a sofa1 do not place yourself beside her without first obtaining her consent4 ,if you take the seat1 be careful of your position1 and do not appear too easy and at home1 and1 above all1 do not cross the legs4 ,also1 keep the hands as quiet as possible2 don't handle any objects or toy with ornaments1 or twist your watch-chain1 for it shows you are either nervous or fidgety1 and you thereby produce the nervous effect upon your companion4 ,the conversation should be of a sensible topic2 or1 if amusing1 it should be at least interesting3 the best topics to converse upon being theaters1 plays1 society1 picture exhibitions1 art1 buildings1 literature1 and especially light gossip4 ,travels may also be discussed1 but first ascertain of the lady whether she has traveled2 if not1 and she does not ask you to recite your travels1 and it is your desire to do so1 then describe them as briefly as possible4 ,if you find a young lady begins to appear restless1 say a few words more and take your departure2 there is no knowing but that she has some other engagement4 ,never at any time speak of an acquaintance in a disagreeable manner4 ,do not even say anything unguardedly about a third person1 for fear that the trait or action you describe may disclose to your companion of whom you are speaking4 ,these last two cautions may seem of minor importance1 but they are1 on the contrary1 very important1 as thousands of serious quarrels result from neglecting them4 #aj4 ,when in company1 do not by word or action make yourself obnoxious to those present4 ,your words should be well chosen and spoken at the proper time1 and in good grammar2 omit slang4 ,if of a joking frame of mind1 deliver your joke in a quiet way1 and do not carry your ability too far2 for too much of a good thing is worse than none at all4 ,a few good jokes1 delivered with telling effect1 will do more for your reputation in that line than a thousand poor ones improperly delivered4 ,no man should laugh at his own joke1 and when doing so at others' he should take care not to be boisterous4 ,do not monopolize the conversation2 it cannot be done without interrupting others1 and to do that is the height of rudeness4 ,when in company1 and persons are talking1 do not pick them up on any statement of which you do not approve1 and pointedly contradict them1 nor start any argument which would tend to their embarrassment4 ,never flatter or compliment in company1 as it makes the object of your attention feel conspicuous1 and those present imagine that they are of less importance in your estimation4 ,do not ask a young lady to attend any entertainment with you1 or do not extend any invitation if another lady be present1 with whom you are even but slightly acquainted2 your partiality for one should never be disclosed to another4 ,unless you can do it gracefully1 do not execute a dance or attempt to imitate stage performers4 ,also take care not to upset or run into ornaments or stub the toe against them1 and be sure of your footing1 that you do not trip on mats1 etc4 ,a great many gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to back out of a room on taking their departure2 not so1--merely say 8good-by0 7or 8good-morning10 or words suited to the time of day71 and1 turning to the door1 walk out to the hallway4 ,if the hostess has an inclination or desire to follow you and continue any unfinished subject which may have been under discussion1 it is not necessary to retire in so awkward a manner4 ,promptly announce your intention and enter the hall2 while adjusting the overcoat and gloves1 the conversation can be continued4 ,this method can be exercised without the faintest appearance of rudeness4''' ,subjects to be carefully studied for company use may be found under the head of 8,conversation40 #aa4 ,if you are at a special invitation afternoon tea or reception1 pay particular attention to the hostess whenever she is seen unoccupied1 and offer your company in escorting her to partake of refreshments4 ,always eat lightly of the viands yourself4 ,if a crowded reception1 half an hour only should be spent thereat4 ,a reception call should be made within three months thereafter2 half an hour1 or possibly three-quarters1 is proper for such a call4 #ab4 ,a gentleman should never enter his sister's luncheon hall when the repast is in progress2 such intrusions prove fatal to topics of dress generally under discussion1 or other matter not intended for his ears4 ,a gentleman can give a stag luncheon1 or a luncheon for both ladies and gentlemen if a chaperon presides4 ,under this head informal lunches may also be discussed4 ,these are such as persons are apt to partake of without any special previous arrangement1 either at restaurants or private houses4 ,as a gentleman is at liberty to dine where he pleases1 ,i only speak of the subject in connection with ladies4 ,a gentleman should never invite a lady to lunch at his own house1 no matter how well acquainted he may be with her1 not even when engaged1 unless a chaperon be present at the meal1 and not invite her at all unless he has met her very frequently beforehand4 ,a gentleman can accept an invitation to lunch with a lady under the same conditions as those of an invitation to stay to dinner when calling 7see ,sec4 #i47 ,when desirous of asking a lady to lunch at a restaurant1 whether you take her direct from the house to it1 or while walking1 makes no difference2 a chaperon must be present at the meal unless you bear an existing or agreed future relationship to her1 or your friendship is understood by your own and the lady's friends to be so dear as not to allow of suspicion or question--when a chaperon can be dispensed with4 ,without a chaperon be extremely careful in your selection of a restaurant2 seek those whose reputation is quiet and refined and of less publicity than the rest of the well-known restaurants4 ,always when with a lady enter the restaurant by the door intended for ladies' use2 never by the public entrance4 #ac4 ,evening parties should be attended before the hour of eleven1 in full dress4 ,if with a lady do not keep her waiting1 but rather let her find you awaiting her at the dressing-room door4 ,if alone or otherwise take care to seek the hostess on entering the parlor2 this is a piece of politeness sadly overlooked nowadays1 especially by individual gentlemen4 ,at a dance always take the inside arm of a lady while promenading4 ,repeatedly ask after her thirst1 and never allow her to approach the refreshment table1 but bring the glass to her on your kerchief if there are no doilys4 ,always pay particular attention to the hostess1 and ask her repeatedly to dance4 ,never1 if idle and you see her without a partner1 allow her to remain thus alone2 under such circumstances1 likes and dislikes should be set aside1 or you should not have attended the dance4 ,always offer your arm to your partner immediately on ceasing to dance4 ,make it a rule never to leave a dance without bidding the host or hostess good-night1 and thanking them for the pleasures of the evening4 ,this is another poor policy of a great many men1 to leave quietly without the knowledge of the host or hostess4 ,party calls should be made within a year at the farthest after the party1 and should occupy the same length of time as an ordinary call4 #ad4 ,dinners should be attended promptly on time4 ,always allow the ladies to be seated first4 ,do not attempt to pass anything if the servants are present1 nor even if they are not present unless expressly requested to do so4 ,do not attempt to speak when the mouth contains food4 ,when spoken to1 a motion of the head will be sufficient to convey the reply intended1 and at the same time to acquaint your questioner with the fact that he has spoken inopportunely4 ,in order to conform to the various customs it is advisable to abstain as long as is prudent from folding the napkin till you view the action therein of the host or hostess4 ,but this is only necessary at more or less informal dinners4 ,the prevailing custom of formal dinners is never to fold the napkin4 ,care must be taken not to make noises with the mouth1 when eating1 and not to smack the lips4 ,if a total abstainer from drink1 you must not turn your glasses upside-down1 nor allow them filled4 ,merely stop the servant when your glass is half filled1 thus preventing comment and complete waste at one and the same time4 ,you must not call the servants1 but endeavor to beckon them to you with the head and eyes1 not with the finger4 ,never speak louder than will allow of a comprehension of what you are saying4 ,do not toy with articles on the table1 and when the hands are not employed in eating they must be kept in the lap4 ,don't put the elbows on the table4 ,reading is not to be indulged in at the table1 unless it is a letter or special communication1 when you must beg pardon for your rudeness4 ,do not leave the table before the rest have finished except in case of necessity1 and then by permission only1 always excusing yourself4 ,when remaining till the finish1 never rise till the host or hostess or both have signified that the meal is at an end1 by rising first4 #ae4 ,there is one custom in this work which above all others is essential to every man who has any desire to play the rle of a thorough social success1 and that requirement is dancing4 ,there is not one thing which a society gentleman performs1 which gives so much enjoyment not only to himself1 but to others4 ,nothing is more closely criticized1 nothing more prominent when in execution2 nothing more benefiting as an exercise1 and nothing more satisfactory to the performer1 than dancing4 ,by that word is meant any performance which has the name of dance1 and which has the requisites of 8grace10 8ease10 and 8perfect performance40 ,to be a perfect dancer the above expressions in reference to your dancing should be won from your admirers4 ,do not think1 because you have an idea of how to dance1 that you really do so perfectly4 ,the first requirement to good dancing is grace4 ,if you are graceful you cannot appear awkward to on-lookers1 for your step is firm1 body quiet1 and arms still4 ,the arm is never pumped1 and the feet are barely lifted off the floor4 ,to have ease1 a dancer should appear confident of his ability1 and show that ability by a correct and actual performance of the dance in the above-explained graceful way4 ,to have a perfect performance of a dance1 both of the former requirements are to be exercised1 with these additional requisites1 viz43 use a long decided glide1 never jump or hop1 always reverse equally as much as you turn the original way1 keep to the side of the room1 direction to the right from the entrance4 ,do not collide with other couples1 or at least protect your partner from sudden collisions1 and on no account allow her to slip4 ,the right hand should be at the lady's back1 between the lower ends of the shoulder-blades1 and should always carry a silk handkerchief4 ,never in dancing hold a lady close to you1 for it is the most disagreeable position for her1 and looks decidedly improper4 ,hold your partner at all times at arms' length2 this gives you freedom of speech1 space to use the feet1 and allows you to glide more easily4 ,in a waltz1 always take a long1 sweeping glide1 with as little rise as possible4 ,any step between a ,boston dip and the ,philadelphia glide1 if used as a sort of an imperceptible1 sweeping dip1 will appear to great advantage on the floor4 ,a ,polka should either be glided or walked through2 never skip1 and do not take too long a step1 and do away entirely with all fancy variations of the dance4 ,keep strictly to the original ,polka form and you will avoid all awkward appearances4 ,the same rule applies to the ,yorke1 ,galop1 etc4 ,the ,schottische is a beautiful dance1 if performed gracefully as in the waltz1 only much more care should be exercised in the forward steps4 ,do not use that once popular1 but awkward manner of skipping in this dance1 but the more modern three running steps4 ,those familiar with all these popular dances will comprehend the importance of my criticisms4 ,the ,caprice is the combination dance of waltz and polka1 and necessitates more care and attention than any other4 ,nothing but the glide step should be used in this dance4 #af4 ,balls1 ,dancing ,classes1 ,theater ,parties1 ,receptions4--,these may all be given by gentlemen1 if they have married ladies as patronesses4 ,theater parties can be followed by dinners at the popular restaurants1 the chaperon attending4 ,if the party occupies more than one box1 an equal number of chaperons should accompany it4 #ag4 ,bowling--,card-playing4--,in bowling1 a gentleman should keep the score1 notify the ladies of their turns as they come round1 hand them the balls--not too large1 but heavy enough to be thrown with ease and effect4 ,see that they enjoy the game thoroughly1 or else cease the sport4 ,if you notice fatigue in a lady's manner1 ask her to desist4 ,many sprains1 dislocations1 and twists are the result of attempting to throw balls with tired wrists4 ,a gentleman can organize a bowling club under the supervision of a chaperon attending each meeting4 ,at cards1 he pays strict attention to those playing2 he endeavors to make the games pleasant4 ,he should never look over another's hand of cards2 and1 above all1 should never cheat4 ,he should never gamble and bet on cards1 nor allow games of that kind in his house4 #ah4 ,musicales--,matine ,parties4--,gentlemen attend these either as escorts or alone4 ,they are at liberty to give them whenever they desire to do so4 ,they must always have a patroness or chaperon present4 #ai4 7#a7 ,when asked to participate in amateur theatricals1 do not unhesitatingly accept the invitation1 but first consider your ability1 not only to act the part tendered you1 but that which is of more importance1 viz41 to be able to act gracefully1 and carry it out in all its perfection2 for it is only of too frequent occurrence that young men readily accept1 confident of being able to memorize their part1 disregarding the fact that memorizing is not acting4 ,after having accepted an invitation to act1 being of fair ability so to do1 be careful to pay strict attention to your part1 and be punctual at all the rehearsals4 ,gentlemen can organize amateur theatrical clubs among themselves at discretion1 but on no occasion should ladies be included without a chaperon at hand4 7#b7 ,never offer to recite1 and if asked to do so1 decline1 unless you are sure of what you are about to recite4 ,do not make your recitations too lengthy1 and not too dramatic4 ,be sure that your gestures are fitted for the words used2 make them few1 but telling4 ,do not hurry through a piece2 and above all1 do not shout2 suit the voice to the size of the room or hall in which you are reciting4 ,if encored1 acknowledge such by another piece1 or repetition of the first2 but to further applause1 merely bow4 #bj4 ,breakfasts can be given at any time within the hours of eight and twelve ,a4 ,m41 to gentlemen1 or ladies and gentlemen1 a chaperon being present for the latter4 ,invitations for these1 as for any other event1 should be answered within the customary time--two weeks before the occurrence2 or1 if the invitation is later than two weeks before date of breakfast1 an immediate reply is necessary4 #ba4 ,when in company never offer to sing unless you are perfectly confident of your ability to satisfy the expectations of those present4 ,if asked to sing1 unless of ability to do so1 be not too ready to accept the invitation1 but wait till it is tendered you again1 so that1 in case of failure1 you be not looked so unfavorably upon as if you had accepted readily2 the same rule applies to playing upon instruments4 ,when singing or playing reply to only one encore2 to more1 merely bow or offer your excuses4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,actions ,,outdoors ,,section #a4 ,when walking alone a quick step is to be taken2 the toes must be turned out4 ,never run into a person1 if ordinary care can prevent it1 and especially give way to a lady1 no matter how you may meet4 ,always keep to the right of the sidewalk1 and never pass in front of a lady coming at right angles at a street corner1 unless a distance of six feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach it4 ,in bowing when alone the hat should be carried quickly down to the right1 or left if left-handed1 till the back of the hand strikes the hip1 then slowly replaced on the head4 ,the taking-off of the hat is to be accompanied by a slight forward inclination of the body and a smile of recognition4 ,unless the cause of the act is known to the lady as well as yourself1 never cut her1 that is1 do not look at her and refuse absolutely to return her bow1 but recognize it in an indifferent manner sufficient to convey the fact that something is wrong1 and that the return bow was forced1 while still it is polite4 ,if you know a lady whom you dislike and have no desire to recognize1 never look at her in passing1 as you would thus invite recognition1 and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting her4 ,when you meet a person walking1 and that awkward dodging in the effort to pass occurs1 always stop and turn slightly to the right till the other has passed on4 ,if it be a lady1 the expression 8,pardon0 is to be used as she passes4 ,if you step on a man's foot1 address him with an apology merely2 if on a lady's1 the apology must be accompanied by a slight bow4 ,never carry a parcel of any kind3 if a hat is to be taken to the store1 carry it in a leather case2 if articles of wear1 carry them in a satchel4 ,do not wear too large a boutonnire2 a few dozen violets or two or three pinks1 or a few sprays of lily of the valley1 or a few pansies1 or a very small red rosebud for afternoon1 and as few leaves as possible4 ,for the evening a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the valley is the only proper buttonhole bouquet4 #b4 ,when walking with a lady keep either a military step1 or if her step is too short for your comfort1 then take a ,newport drag pace1 taking care that the body does not rise much1 thus preventing a see-saw appearance4 ,always walk on the side nearest the curbstone1 except in the case of a very crowded street1 when it may be the most convenient for the lady to walk on your right4 ,a distance of half a foot should be kept between the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded2 this is necessary always in the daytime1 and also in the evening unless the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms4 ,never lock arms in the daytime4 ,always pay attention if your companion is speaking2 your mind should not be distracted by persons or objects passing2 there is nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable to a young lady than for her to realize that she is unheard and unheeded4 ,when with a lady it is unnecessary to stop at all to permit another lady to pass when coming at right angles1 as is necessary when alone4 ,when raining always hold the umbrella2 when sunny never offer to1 or hold a parasol1 unless expressly requested to do so2 a sunshade is for a lady to hold1 and looks out of place in a gentleman's hand1 unless it is a particularly heavy one1 or the wind is too strong to permit of the lady carrying it comfortably4 ,if she has a satchel or large parcel when you meet her1 immediately offer to carry it4 #c4 ,when joining a lady1 if coming toward her1 wait till she has passed2 then turning1 join her with the usual or intended salutation1 without stopping her4 ,never come intentionally face to face to join her2 she will1 presumably1 think that you wish to stop1 and it is a settled conclusion that a lady and gentleman should never stop to talk on the street2 in a party it is permissible only if the several persons thereof have chanced to meet1 or are in the act of parting4 ,when joining a lady in the morning on the street only accompany her a few blocks1 for the morning is shopping-time1 and escorts are seldom desired4 ,never fail to raise the hat on leaving a lady on the street1 or at doors or windows4 ,when it is muddy cross before a lady that she may profit by your action1 by crossing in your foot-prints4 ,if very muddy offer your hand for her support in finding good foot-rests4 ,never carry the cane in the hand next the lady if it is possible to carry it in the other2 if not possible1 because the other is the useful one1 then it should be carried under the arm next to her with that hand placed at the cane-head4 ,the reason of this rule will be understood on reflecting1 that if the cane is carried in the useful hand1 it must necessarily be conveyed to the other every time a man bows2 it is a poor action1 and presents an awkward appearance1 especially if the cane drops4 ,this rule also applies to umbrellas when rolled4 ,of course this is plain1 as it is not supposed that a gentleman when promenading carries any but these two articles4 ,never let a lady carry your cane in the city4 ,when entering a door or passageway1 allow the lady to precede you1 as is done indoors4 ,when with a lady1 and she bows1 your bow should be less marked than when alone2 the hat is to be raised and carried quickly to the front as low as the chin1 then as speedily replaced4 ,when you consider the side you occupy1 the advisability of this manner of bowing is at once seen on reflecting that a sweeping bow would more or less interfere with the continuation of your companion's recognition of the third party1 which is a complaint the majority of young ladies set up4 ,in giving a lady soda-water or other cooling drink1 do not allow her to use her own kerchief1 but insist upon her using one of your own2 a gentleman should always carry two4 ,also1 in view of the fact that many pockets in dresses are difficult to discover immediately1 the gentleman should thus be prepared for emergencies4 ,if walking in the afternoon with a lady1 and you are overtaken by darkness1 do not continue1 but immediately board a horse-car1 enter a stage1 or have your carriage follow and meet you1 and thus return4 ,this rule is on the principle that ladies and gentlemen should not walk the streets after dark1 and this principle is universally approved of by society4 ,the walk to and from cars to attend theaters in the evening1 is a different matter entirely1 and cannot be offered in opposition to the above rule 7as many have claimed71 as it is confined to only a few particular streets1 and has nothing whatever to do with avenue promenades2 besides1 it is understood that crossing to theaters is compulsory1 and so excusable4 ,in taking a lady for a walk1 you should always provide her with a fair-sized bouquet of violets1 if popular1 or1 if not1 of roses to harmonize with her type1 whether blonde or brunette2 or any class of flowers which you know would suit her taste1 provided they are not out of style1 or unsuited to the season or for street wear1 or perhaps too loud for her general appearance4 #d4 ,when with a lady1 always pay her fare in a public conveyance1 at a ticket office1 or gate1 or any place where fare is demanded1 unless she has a ticket for the occasion4 ,if in the vehicle1 at the office1 or gate1 or any place requiring the payment of fare1 and you meet a lady friend who has not as yet paid her fare1 do not offer to do so for her1 as it is very bad form1 and presents the appearance of a desire on your part to let people know you have money1 and the act more or less reflects upon the lady's purse4 ,if accompanying a lady into a store1 do not offer to buy her this and that2 such an act is simply out of consideration2 it is an affront to her purse1 and she rejects your offer2 no lady would accept it unless for some very trifling purchase4 #e4 ,when in any crowded public conveyance1 a lady gets in1 always rise immediately and notify her of the vacancy4 ,do not think1 because you are tired1 you are justified in keeping the seat1 for you do not know but that the lady is just as tired as yourself4 ,again1 when you see a small space between two ladies1 do not try to wedge yourself in2 it is better to be uncomfortable yourself1 than to cause discomfort to the ladies4 ,do not lean over or against a lady when holding the strap overhead1 and she is seated below4 ,always1 if next the fare-box1 offer to deposit a lady's fare1 especially in stages4 ,never in city conveyances1 if a conductor is at hand1 offer your assistance in raising or lowering a window1 but solicit the conductor to do it for you2 if none is upon or in the conveyance1 then lend your help4 #f4 ,when asking a lady to drive1 do so only on an advanced acquaintance1 and do not keep her out after dark4 ,take care not to allow the whip to dangle in her face1 and1 in urging on the horses1 do so in an easy manner1 without that sudden start which throws the lady so violently back in her seat4 ,do not talk about horses2 it is a very poor subject1 and savors of poor taste4 ,in calling for a lady do not keep her waiting1 but have the vehicle at the door on time4 ,if possible to leave the reins loose on the horses1 step out and help the lady into the vehicle1 then pass round to the other side and take your seat1 carefully adjusting the lap-robe over both4 ,do not keep up a continuous chuckle to the horses1 as it is a very monotonous sound1 but use the whip4 ,a full driving suit should always be worn if a lady accompanies you4 ,always wear gloves in driving4 ,if you have spirited horses to handle1 it is not necessary while driving to take off the hat when recognizing a person2 a smile and an inclination of the head are sufficient1 for taking off the hat interferes considerably with your management of the animals1 and has often resulted in serious accidents4 ,do not take a lady riding in the morning4 ,the afternoon from three till five is the proper time4 ,never on any account drive on ,sunday4 ,never take a lady in a light wagon or buggy1 or out with fast horses1 in the city1 for it is not stylish2 in fact1 such turnouts are common1 as in use only by sporting men or horse lovers4 #g4 ,riding should be confined to the morning as much as possible1 and a complete outfit worn upon all occasions4 ,especially is this urged when with a lady4 ,always keep head and neck of your own horse beyond your companion's1 if a lady1 in view of being able and prepared to assist her in case of fright or accident to her horse4 ,always assist her in mounting and alighting from her horse4 #h4 ,sailing is a pastime which can be indulged in at leisure by a gentleman who knows a thing or two about such pleasure2 whether he has confidence in his ability or not1 if he ventures upon that pleasure he does so at his own risk4 ,but when he has a lack of knowledge1 and lack of confidence in his ability to handle a boat1 not under any consideration should he venture to invite a lady to accompany him4 ,to take ladies sailing1 when you are ignorant of the methods of handling sailing craft1 is a risk that often has frightful results2 these have been often seen1 where summer men who know positively nothing about the art of sailing have issued invitations1 and ventured on their perilous1 uncertain pleasure4 ,always take a skipper1 and no danger will arise4 ,take care to look first after the comfort of the ladies1 and always provide cushions1 field-glasses1 and especially ice-water in view of a calm4 ,this latter is very often neglected1 to the great distress of the ladies when the boat is becalmed4 ,the writer can safely make this suggestion1 as he had such an experience himself4 ,illustration ,,personal ,,appearance ,,section #a4 ,the hands should always be kept clean4 ,do not think because you have gloves on that you are safe in neglecting your hands4 ,you may be suddenly called upon to perform some act which would necessitate taking off the gloves1 thus exposing soiled hands4 ,the nails should be kept perfectly clean and projecting about one-twelfth of an inch from the tender flesh and not too pointed1 and are to be only slightly polished4 ,all hang-nails should be cut off1 and advanced flesh pushed back from the root of the nails4 ,do not wear too many rings4 ,a gentleman should never have on more than two1 and those to be placed one on each hand4 ,always place them on the fingers next the little ones4 ,large diamonds should not be worn2 one carat is the usual weight4 ,also1 do not wear broad bands of gold1 they are very common-looking on a gentleman2 a seal-ring or intaglio is quite sufficient4 ,never wear bracelets1 it is exceedingly effeminate4 ,and1 above all1 do not wear ladies' rings4 #b4 ,the face1 if without a growing beard or moustache1 should be kept clean4 ,this can best be done by a light shave4 ,do not shave too close2 to be sure it appears more free of hair for the time being1 but then1 as the hair grows out1 eruptions cover the face1 especially the neck2 thus for a few hours' clean appearance you undergo several days' discomfort4 #c4 ,the teeth should be kept clean1 white1 and polished4 ,it is necessary that they be kept clean1 as odors from them sometimes give the impression of a disordered stomach1 and makes conversation at close quarters exceedingly disagreeable4 #d4 ,the hair should be carefully brushed1 with a neat part1 the sides at the front being slightly raised and pushed back4 ,the hair can be parted on either the left1 right1 or center of the head1 but it should never be flattened and plastered down1 as the appearance is very weakening to the character of the face4 ,leave such a fad to those of bad taste1 who have nothing else to do but corrupt the standing customs4 #e4 ,do not1 no matter how much displeased1 at any time wear a scowl or severe expression2 it does you no good as to others1 for they do not know the cause thereof1 and they naturally conclude you to be of a disagreeable disposition4 ,equally true is it that the face should be free from that incessant smiling which overspreads the countenances of so many4 ,the face should possess neither one of these expressions1 but present a set1 firm appearance1 conveying no idea of the thoughts of the mind4 ,outward causes are exceptions to the changes of facial expressions4 ,when talking1 care should be taken not to accompany the words with distortions of the face4 ,the mouth should not be opened too wide1 nor the tongue stuck out4 ,never bite the lips or pick the teeth1 as both distort the face4 ,never use the eyes in a flirtatious manner1 as it is very poor taste and shows conceit4 ,also1 do not glance at a strange lady in a steady or impertinent manner2 least of all on the street or in public vehicles4 #f4 ,your position should always be as dignified as possible2 if sitting1 the body should be held upright and the arms gracefully placed1 and not twisted or hung over the back of the chair4 ,always face the person whom you are addressing4 ,when standing1 your position must be straight1 shoulders back1 and head well up4 ,the legs to be close together or one slightly advanced1 in a position of rest4 ,the arms can be carried either by locking hands behind the back1 or in front1 or they can be folded upon the chest2 either way can be made to appear graceful4 ,when walking1 the body is carried as in standing1 and the busy hand must carry its contents as gracefully as possible1 while the other hand is allowed to hang by the side1 moving only with the motion of the body4 ,both1 if free1 must hang thus2 never put them in the pockets4 ,illustration ,,habits ,,section #a4 ,smoking should be confined entirely to a studio1 smoking-room1 drawing-room1 or library1 when ladies are1 or intend to be1 in the vicinity later1 and should never be indulged in1 even in the places mentioned above1 if the ladies are present1 without their unanimous consent thereto4 ,smoking in the street is also objected to1 exception being made when on the front platforms of cars1 when a gentleman should make it his duty to see that the smoke does not prove disagreeable to ladies in the car4 #b4 ,drinking to excess is not the habit of a gentleman4 ,drink should be taken only in moderation1 especially at dinner parties when ladies are present4 ,do not boast of your fondness for the beverage4 ,if you chance to be at all under the influence of liquor1 or even if you have merely a strong odor of it on the breath1 do not attend a reception or dance1 as such an odor is not perfume to the partners with whom you may dance or converse4 #c4 ,chewing tobacco or other stuff manufactured for the same purpose should never be indulged in by a gentleman1 no matter where he is4 ,spitting must not be practised in the presence of ladies1 and should be done away with entirely unless alone and out of sight of others4 ,clearing the throat should not be done in ladies' company1 and be careful not to allow indications of indigestion to rise noisily in the throat4 ,and lastly1 do not hiss through the teeth or hum to yourself in company4 #d4 ,do not1 no matter how cramped you may be1 stretch in the presence of ladies1 and not at all at the table1 even if alone4 ,yawning should be confined to your own presence strictly1 or1 if it is irrepressible1 place the fingers before the mouth4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,conversation ,,section #a4 ,never use sarcasm in direct conversation1 as it is but a veiled form of insult4 ,do not use deceit1 especially in conversing with a lady2 also1 avoid prevarication1 as such is bad policy4 ,do not boast1 it is an absurd habit to fall into4 ,too many puns or jokes become monotonous2 jokes should not be told in reference to a person present1 unless the acquiescence of the party be first received4 #b4 ,your grammar should be of the best1 and your words selected with great care4 ,large words should be used very seldom unless the topic of conversation calls for them4 #c4 ,laughter should never be forced2 if you are not amused1 merely smile4 ,when laughing at a small matter do so in a light1 sincere way2 when amused by some good joke or occurrence1 laugh heartily but not too loudly2 merely convey the fact that the joke or event is appreciated4 ,this rule should apply at all times when ladies are present4 #d4 ,never flatter a lady1 for it is the poorest substitution for a sensible topic that was ever thought of in society4 ,it is disliked by ladies and gentlemen alike1 and it shows insincerity in its every use4 ,if you desire to say something nice to a person1 make use of more serious expressions1 commonly known as compliments1 for1 if you intend to compliment and speak too sweetly1 it is not such1 but flattery1 you are making use of4 ,only compliment when a person deserves it1 and do not do so too often4 #e4 ,in society one should always be prepared for impromptu conversation1 or small talk1 and should always have plenty of it in stock2 that is1 not the whole substance of the expected conversation1 but subjects upon which you can converse at a moment's notice4 ,at receptions1 teas1 dinners1 dances1 or any other entertainment1 the topics should be select1 and the oral abilities prepared to discuss them in a free and familiar way4 ,such topics might well be classed under the simple heads of ,art of latest ,artists1 ,receptions1 ,teas1 etc41 and especially ,latest ,novels1 then also ,plays and the criticisms1 or ,noted ,people of the ,day4 ,you will find any one of these sufficient for short conversation4 ,literature and grave subjects would prove too extensive4 ,try not to criticize people severely1 and do not speak on any subject which1 after a few remarks1 appears uninteresting or distasteful to the person conversing with you4 ,when a subject has been once discussed and abandoned by all1 it is bad taste to return to it during that same conversation or in the same company4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,correspondence ,,and ,,invitations ,,section #a4 ,correspondence is a thing which every man should be able to do well in all its branches1 whether social or business1 whether formal or otherwise1 whether brief or extended in its subject-matter4 ,a gentleman should always be able to write sensible letters1 and to the point1 without deviating from the general topic4 ,when corresponding with other men keep strictly1 unless with a very close friend1 to the subject in question4 ,but when writing to ladies the rule is different4 ,to adhere so exactly to the topic of discussion is significant of a desire to have the matter through with4 ,always add further casual remarks tending to show an interest beyond the duty of correspondence4 ,the ladies' writing rule is just the reverse4 ,it does very well to insert1 here and there1 witty remarks to break the monotony of a lengthy epistle4 ,above all1 it is advised to abstain from putting in writing any words imparting affection or soliciting such from the lady4 ,write your letter in one complete part2 that is1 let all you have to say be penned upon any number of sheets you may desire1 but be sure it is between the head address and your signature4 ,never add a postscript2 this in letters1 like a parenthesis in sentences1 has the appearance of poor construction4 ,do not write crosswise on the paper1 and avoid blotting the same4 ,also see that you never write to a lady on office paper1 or any which is ink-lined1 for your social corresponding paper should always have a crest or monogram at the top1 and such would not appear well or to advantage on that which is lined4 ,if you desire ruled paper1 let the lines be such as are pressed into it during manufacture4 ,lastly1 never use hotel paper1 except in the summer1 and then only when traveling or visiting without a trunk1 which should always contain every necessity of a trip4 ,if it is formal1 a lady's letter should be answered immediately1 if there is the least hint of a reply in it1 but without such hint the gentleman must not answer4 ,if it is informal1 he must1 if requested to reply1 do so immediately1 otherwise he may suit himself1 but within a limit of one month2 later1 politeness would be at stake4 ,but the lady should not be expected to answer in either case to your letter unless she feels so disposed1 or you show good reasons why she should1 and expressly request her to do so4 ,formal correspondence can be indulged in between any persons who may be related1 very dear friends1 or even mere acquaintances4 ,with the first two classes1 a gentleman can correspond formally at any and all times1 unless expressly solicited not to do so by the lady's parents1 or guardians1 or herself4 ,but in the last case he must have a request to offer or an answer to return1 and it should be very formal1 implying by its very subject-matter that necessity caused the correspondence4 ,when writing a formal note to a lady acquaintance1 without her consent1 merely sign your name to the matter and place therein your card1 such as is described in ,sec4 #h1 ,actions ,indoors4 ,never write your address beneath the signature1 or1 as is sometimes done1 above the head address1 in this class of notes4''' ,but informal and lengthy correspondence only pertains to1 and can be exercised at all times by1 very dear friends1 fiancs1 or very dear relatives4 ,acquaintances must be subjected to the rule of formality of correspondence1 till they have reached the relation of friend1 which can be acquired only after eight or ten meetings1 when there has been sufficient conversation to establish what the parties mutually agree to constitute fast friendship4 #b4 ,invitations are so many and varying in their nature1 that it is generally difficult to say what kind of a reply1 and how soon1 should be given4 ,but all can be summed up in a few divisions1 viz43 ,reception1 ,dance1 and ,wedding invitations4 7a7 ,reception invitations are never to be replied to1 unless accompanied with an informal invitation to an after-reception dance1 bearing an ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p41 when a few days can be permitted to elapse before replying thereto4 7b7 ,a wedding invitation1 like the reception1 needs no reply1 except under the same conditions as annexed to reception invitations4 ,but dances are the subjects for which dozens of different kinds of invitations are issued1 when it is decidedly difficult to ascertain the exact time1 or answer as desired by the inviter4 ,the answer depends upon the number of inviters included in the invitation2 the time upon the number of days intervening before the date of the event2 if two weeks1 the regular time allotted1 then an immediate reply is necessary 7exceptions in subscription dances74 ,if two or three ladies or gentlemen1 or both1 are the inviters1 then address the reply to the one so selected as secretary for the reception of replies1 and of course sign your name on the completion of the reply2 then in the left-hand lower corner1 pen1 8,politeness to02 then write1 one beneath the other1 the names of all the inviters1 including the secretary last2 this shows that the reply is politely tendered to all4 ,in a subscription dance1 an invitation for all and every date of dances is usually sent out six weeks before date of first meeting1 in which case three or four weeks at the most can be allowed to pass2 but no matter when the invitation is received1 if two or six weeks prior to the first meeting1 always reply at least two weeks before such first date4 ,dinners1 teas1 breakfasts1 etc41 are the same as dances as to time and answer4 ,invitations by card to call are not to be answered1 but should be acknowledged in person1 as soon after their reception as possible4 ,invitations to subscription dances need only be addressed to the secretary or inviter4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,personal ,,actions ,,section #a4 ,when a gentleman accepts the honored position of escort he is supposed to do so willingly1 and with the intention of fulfilling its many requirements4 ,do not accept and accompany a lady to her intended destination1 and continually show any displeasure in your position4 ,pay strict attention to her1 and leave her only when she is engaged in some dance or occupation with another partner4 ,young ladies take escorts in substitution for a brother or relative1 and when so taking expect to find them congenial and as equal to their duties as any brother or relative would be4 ,when asking a gentleman as escort the lady is expected to furnish the carriage if it is her desire to ride2 it is not necessary for the gentleman to bring her flowers in return for her kindness1 but an after-gift of the same will suffice4 ,when asking a lady to give you the pleasure of her company for any event1 you must1 of course1 expect to pay all expenses2 if in the evening1 and she is an old acquaintance1 always expect to furnish a carriage4 ,if only an acquaintance1 and it is necessary to use a carriage1 then a chaperon should be brought with you4 ,but the cars are generally the mode of travel which can be used if a chaperon is not desired4 ,never take advantage of your situation when in a carriage alone with a lady1 by addressing her in any way too familiar to be polite4 #b4 ,extravagance is one of the greatest faults into which young and old persist in falling4 ,very few society men know what economy means4 ,so to point out a few ways by which extravagance may be at least modified by gentlemen3 7a7 ,it is very poor taste for a person to show by his attire extravagant inclinations4 ,do not dress too gaudily1 or change the suits more than is ordinarily necessary for special occasions4 ,let your dress be not too costly1 not too loud1 but neat1 of the styles described in ,part ,i4 of this book1 and do away with too great a variety of top and over coats1 neckties1 patent leather shoes 7for walking71 and1 above all1 elaborately figured waistcoats1 also elaborate canes4 ,they all combine not only to appear extravagant1 but destroy the effect of simple elegance4 7b7 ,do not spend money for a thing unless it is necessary for your own good or that of a relation4 ,presents given by a single man should be simple and of slight cost4 ,if engaged the rule is less strict2 but if married a man should not only teach himself the law of economy1 but also his wife and children4 ,such gifts as candy1 flowers1 jewelry1 etc41 should be given only by very dear friends1 which relation permits such presents to be of slight cost1 while they are appreciated as if of great cost4 ,costly gifts to acquaintances are a gross extravagance4 #c4 ,kissing is a pleasure which is not to be indulged in except among dear relatives1 the family1 wife1 or your fiance4 ,never kiss or embrace a person outside of these exceptions1 no matter how old friends they may be4 ,no lady would allow you such a privilege1 and if she should so far forget her standing as to permit the act1 you would be rude1 exceedingly so1 and no gentleman1 to take advantage of her forgetfulness4 ,never1 on any account1 kiss or embrace the persons1 as stated above1 in a public place1--it is common4 ,no one knows your relationship1 and no one the length of time of separation2 besides1 the act of kissing is very undignified and ungraceful4 ,of course these rules only apply to gentlemen2 they are not enforceable in respect to ladies1 as the feminine sex is supposed to be more demonstrative4 ,familiarity1 though allowed1 breeds contempt by degrees4 #d4 ,familiarity is a subject upon which the majority of society men can discourse fluently1 so practised are they in the art4 ,in fact1 society is infected with this disease4 ,it reigns on all occasions1 be they private or public4 ,it is found in the most aristocratic circles1 as in those of less refinement4 ,why should this continue8 ,it should not4 ,both ladies and gentlemen use it2 but of gentlemen1 alone1 ,i now speak4 ,freedom of speech and freedom of manner constitute the general heads of familiarity4 7a7 ,freedom of manner has been partly defined under the heads of kissing and embracing4 ,do not on any account allow of any rude actions on your part2 always keep a polite distance from a lady1 and do not1 if you take her hand1 retain too long a hold thereof1 or press it with your own2 in fact1 never touch a lady unless she is related to you1 under the heads set forth in ,section #c1 ,personal ,actions1 unless it becomes absolutely necessary2 then do it in the most polite manner possible4 7b7 ,freedom of speech is the most important head of familiarity1 and includes many classes of rudeness4 ,do not be impertinent in your remarks to ladies1 ask no personal questions1 do away with rude speech2 seek not to impart to her that which she should not know1 or tries to turn a deaf ear to4 ,improper remarks are poison from the tongue1 and tend to ruin your reputation in her estimation1 as a gentleman1 sooner or later4 ,it is no excuse if she tolerates your advances or not1--a gentleman is a gentleman1 and should remain so4 ,not only is this rule applicable to acquaintances1 but it should be strictly observed in your own family4 ,your sisters should be as acquaintances as respects your behavior1 and your mother and father should command respect in your every word or action4 #e4 ,a gentleman1 because he is married1 should not suppose himself fitted for the position of chaperon on occasions where it is necessary to leave the city1 or it is an evening affair2 on the contrary1 it is his duty to refuse acceptance of such a position1 unless himself and wife act as the chaperons4 ,if single1 he should never offer his services as chaperon4 ,he may be such in the daytime1 within the city1 acting as a guide or protector of his companion2 but this is a very weak form of chaperonage compared to that customary in society1 which form generally concerns only evening or out-of-town events1 when a stricter rule is applied1 under the conditions of which a gentleman can never be a chaperon4 ,it must be remembered that though guide and protector are the true meanings of the word chaperon1 yet1 as far as a gentleman can exercise that right1 he can be no more than an escort4 #f4 ,a gentleman should shake hands as seldom as possible4 ,on introduction and at parting should be the chief occasions for the act4 ,this rule refers only to your own sex4 ,with ladies it is far stricter4 ,you should not shake hands on introduction to ladies1 nor at parting2 but at the next meeting1 or subsequent ones1 if they appear desirous of such a cordial greeting1 grasp their hand1 for it is at the option of a lady whether or not the hands should come in contact with each other2 but never shake at parting4 ,when taking a lady's hand1 grasp it firmly1 but gently1 just sufficient pressure to convey the feeling of cordiality1 nothing more1 and raising her hand to the height of her waist1 shake it gently two or three times1 then release it2 never hold it while speaking1 and do not attempt that awkward1 lately originated style of raising the hands above the face1 with the fingers twisted out of shape2 it is clumsy1 decidedly ridiculous in appearance1 and very uncomfortable for the lady4 #g4 ,never kiss a lady's hand when in public1 and never privately1 unless engaged or very much attached to her1 and not then unless she is willing to undergo the torture4 ,do not1 as in hand-kissing1 throw kisses to a person in public1 and not at all unless under the conditions stated above4 #h4 ,when engaged a gentleman should devote all his spare moments to his fiance4 ,he should compel himself to forsake other ladies' society1 allowing himself to be thrown therein only when accompanying his intended to entertainments or dances1 and then should control himself1 so as to give no cause of jealousy by his actions or apparent interest in others of the fair sex4 ,he should give all presents to her1 take her to all the entertainments and dances1 and1 in fact1 let her find him always devotion in everything4 ,clubs should be partially or wholly neglected for her4 ,even under the circumstances1 familiarity should be guardedly exercised1 especially with her family4 #i4 ,introductions are the most important of any of the numerous acts of society1 constituting a custom established by long and frequent usage4 ,it is easy to introduce1 no matter how or in what manner it is done1 and ninety-nine per cent4 of introductions are either improperly conducted or a mere mention of names4 ,to constitute a proper introduction there must be three requisites1 viz43 ,sufficient language to imply an introduction1 an objective name and a subjective name each distinctly pronounced4 ,that is to say3 the object is the person to whom the subject is presented2 second1 the subject of the introduction is the one whom you present4 ,you must pronounce both names distinctly4 ,first1 be sure that both are aware of your intention and secure of each other's attention1 then proceed by saying3 7,ex47 8,miss ,smith object1 please allow me to present ,mr4 ,brown subject40 ,this is all1 and it is as simple as can be2 yet people will mumble and stammer and stumble through an introduction as if it were the most difficult of performances4 ,if the object or subject of an introduction is a sister1 brother1 or parent1 do not say1 as many do--,miss ,smith1 my brother1 or my sister1 naming the relation only2 but say always--,miss ,smith1 my brother1 ,mr4 ,brown4 ,this rule is in view of the fact that the introducer's name is not always familiar to the object4 ,never mention the name of the subject first4 ,when introducing extend the right or left hand as a gesture towards the person whom you are introducing4 ,it is important to make introductions carefully and at the proper time4 ,do not suffer a person with whom you are acquainted to remain in your own party without introducing him to every member of that party4 ,when talking to a person1 and joined by a third1 immediately introduce4 ,the rules of introduction should be strictly observed in regard to ladies4 ,as much as possible avoid introducing on the street1 and when doing so do not stop the objective persons1 but join them as explained in ,section #d1 ,actions ,outdoors1 whether lady or gentleman1 and present the subject while walking4 ,do not introduce to young ladies under age without the chaperon's or guardian's consent1 and ladies of age without their approval having first been received4 ,do not present or attempt to present a man of whose character or reputation you are doubtful2 for thousands of serious results have been thus occasioned4 ,illustration ,,proposing ,a gentleman1 when he is sure that his attachment to a lady has attained perfection1 and is positive of being ever afterward so attached to her as to permit of no disturbance of that affection by force of circumstances1 may then and only then have the right of asking for her hand in marriage4 ,it is a much-mooted question whether a gentleman should ask the parents' or guardian's consent to the proposal1 if the young lady or himself or both are under age4 ,if we follow the continental rule1 this is the proper action in the matter4 ,this course is certainly more honorable4 ,it matters not which parent is first consulted1 though the father is preferred4 ,the parent1 or parents1 or guardian may be consulted in person or by letter4 ,after their consent has been gained1 the proposal is made to the woman chosen4 ,if she refuses1 then nothing more on the subject need be said till subsequent proposals are attempted4 ,a refusal need not be reported to the parents or guardians4 ,if she accepts1 he immediately informs them4 ,if both parties are of age1 or independent1 it is not essential to a proposal that parents or guardians should be consulted4 ,,how ,,to ,,propose ,remember that you are a gentleman1 and success will be yours if the lady possesses any love or affection in her heart for you4 ,it is best not to force your suit upon a woman1 for such engagements often cause either a breaking of the engagement between the parties1 or unhappiness to both4 ,it is far better to undergo the pain of a refusal for the time being1 and endeavor to gain her affection afterward in view of another and more successful trial4 ,never propose in any way but in person4 ,letters are very poor mediums of the affection2 besides1 a woman prefers personal tenders of affection4 ,when you propose1 never do so unless alone with the lady1 either in-doors or out1 but not in public1 when promenading1 driving1 or riding1 or on any occasion where she cannot give you her undivided attention4 ,a proposal is1 next to a marriage1 the most important event in a man's life1 and1 if looked favorably upon by the woman1 is such also in her life4 ,therefore take plenty of time to think over the seriousness of the step2 consider how much interest the lady has previously shown in you1 and the result to your feelings if refused4 ,if a lady appears uncertain in her answer1 you can depend upon it that she is weighing in golden scales the results1 the strength of her own affection2 and1 above all1 you may justly and correctly construe that the greater cause of her hesitation is uncertainty of your regard for her1 whether true of the heart1 or falsely stated4 ,for no woman cares to have a man know that she entertains affection for him unless she is confident he will appreciate it4 ,thus if it be not a positive refusal1 but hesitation only1 always be determined1 and decide for her by describing the happiness that only you could furnish her4 ,these arguments1 if anything would avail1 will help to strengthen and control her decision4 ,always plead your cause with eyes and speech only4 ,when accepted it is left to the option of the suitor as to what mode of procedure will best express his delight and happiness4 ,but perhaps for those of timid and bashful nature it is advisable to suggest a standard course of action1 viz43 when the lady replies affirmatively1 immediately clasp her in your arms2 this is not1 for true lovers1 a very embarrassing position4 ,let the embrace be gentle1 simply to signify and give strength and proof of your affectionate expressions prior to the acceptance4 ,always stand when proposing1 as it lends dignity to the occasion and allows of more freedom in expressing the feelings2 besides1 it savors of very little earnestness to remain in any other attitude while making so important a confession4 ,before proposing it would be best to ascertain how the lady regards you in any particular light4 ,if she speaks favorably of any one of your fascinations1 then on that foundation you may attempt to build your future happiness4 ,do not propose in an uncertain manner1 bashfully1 or yet too boldly4 ,be serious1 desirous1 and speak to the point2 confess all your feelings1 state everything correctly and truly1 and in as telling language as you can possibly command4 ,do not laugh or smile1 or cause it to appear an amusing matter4 ,it would be utterly impossible to illustrate the language of proposals1 for many and varied are the methods employed and the language used4 ,but if a gentleman adheres to all ,i have stated on the subject1 it will only be fate which will prevent the fulfilment of his anticipations4 ,a gentleman never makes free with the lady1 at the time of the acceptance1 beyond the conditions stated herein4 ,and from the moment she accepts him1 through all her life he must be constant in his attention to her4 ,illustration ,,presents ,under the general head of presents is classed anything given to another at one's own expense4 ,give presents to your own family1 relatives1 fiance1 or very old friends1 but not to mere acquaintances4 ,,section #a4 ,flowers1 though short-lived1 are nevertheless the most beautiful gift one person can make to another4 ,it shows taste and a love of nature1 and nothing finds more appreciation in the hearts of womankind than flowers4 ,be careful in your selection2 suit the color and quality to the taste and dress of the lady4 ,have them tastily laid in a box1 loosely1 if merely as a favor2 but if for a dance or entertainment1 the best way is to gather the flowers loosely half-way down the stems1 and tie with ribbon harmonizing in color1 placing at the end of the bouquet a bunch of leaves to hide the stems4 ,always send the flowers in a box2 do not carry them to the lady yourself--if in a hurry1 call a messenger4 ,flowers may be sent to any lady1 married or maiden1 but never send them as a wedding present4 ,when desirous of sending flowers to a lady with whom you are about to attend an affair1 first ascertain whether she desires to wear flowers1 and the color of the gown she intends wearing4 ,it is hardly the fashion nowadays to carry hand-bouquets2 only loose flowers to be worn on the dress should be sent4 #b4 ,jewelry should be given as seldom as possible outside of your own family1 dear relatives1 or fiance4 ,if given to others1 it should be very small1 cost little1 and not be too elaborate2 having merely enough beauty about it to convey the feeling and intention of the gift4 ,a costly present of this class is seldom appreciated as it should be1 unless it is given to a lady who stands1 or intends to stand1 in a very dear position towards you1 or to a gentleman friend of long standing and sincere friendship4 ,the only exception allowable for costly gifts of jewelry outside of those rules already stated is in cases of marriage2 where the act of presentation of jewels would furnish no ground of suspicion further than extravagance4 ,whether for a wedding or an ordinary gift1 jewelry should always be sent in a box from the store direct1 or by messenger2 never present it in person4 ,and when calling subsequently refuse the acceptation of thanks4 #c4 ,for bon-bons and elaborate boxes1 also for articles not classed as jewelry1 a much more lenient rule is applied4 ,in fact1 except for mere acquaintances1 a present of this kind may be given to any one1 friend or relative1 married or unmarried4 ,these1 too1 are not to be delivered in person1 but sent with card from store or by messenger4 ,in such presents1 as in others1 taste and fine judgment should be exercised4 ,to a gift of any kind whatsoever an answer should not be expected for three days4 #d4 ,photographs should never be solicited from a mere acquaintance4 ,wait till you know a lady well before asking for her likeness4 ,no gentleman should be allowed to possess1 nor should he seek to possess1 a lady's picture without first having met her at least seven times4 ,he must first so establish his friendship with her that when he asks for her likeness she cannot justly use the common expression that 8he must have her photograph for fear he might forget her face10 but would understand that his desire for it comes straight from the heart1 and not with the intention of adding to a variety collection4 ,and it is also unnecessary to comply with a like request from the lady till of fast acquaintance4 ,an exchange of photographs is generally the safest way of overcoming any doubt which may arise in your mind as to the disposition which the lady will make of your picture1 for then the maxim can be applied--8,it's a poor rule which can't work both ways40 ,illustration ,illustration ,,general ,,politeness ,,section #a4 ,a gentleman should always be perfectly polite with his social inferiors1 no matter how he may be brought in contact with them1 whether he meets them in company with his equals or inferiors1 or if alone4 ,for though your inferiors1 they deserve respect1 and a deviation from politeness on their account would cause your politeness towards equals to appear false1 a shield to your true manner4 ,always be polite to your inferiors1 and it naturally follows that you will be politeness itself with your equals4 ,a gentleman has no superiors4 ,politeness is called for in every turn a gentleman may make1 whether among ladies or gentlemen1 or inferiors1 in society or in business1 among relatives1 acquaintances1 friends1 or strangers4 #b4 ,an insult is not to be recognized when offered by an inferior2 pay no attention to such1 unless it is followed by violence1 or when it places you in an awkward position in presence of equals1 and even then1 if from one decidedly inferior1 or a woman1 do not return it1 but summon the agents of the law to rid you of the nuisance4 ,if an equal1 it is at your own option whether or not you resent the insult1 which can be done by the use of irony2 thus1 though an implied return of the insult1 your resentment is on its face politeness itself4 ,duels are not allowable in ,america1 and seldom in any country4 ,a deadly insult is now usually looked upon by society as a just cause of expulsion of the insulter from its ranks1 as no longer worthy of the name of gentleman2 for modern society is more just than the society in the days of knighthood1 when a gross insult would be looked upon with favor1 as but a preliminary to a test of skill at arms4 ,all the remedy a gentleman has in this age is either an apology from his opponent1 or the future avoidance and non-recognition of him1 or1 in extreme cases1 a resort to the law4 #c4 ,the most indifferent1 collected1 firm1 and blas of society men are susceptible to embarrassments4 ,no matter how sure you may be of being proof against them1 there always comes a time when the firm foundation is undermined by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circumstances1 which brings your guarded and fortified walls of conceit and coolness to earth1 and tends to humble your pride4 ,now1 many society men hold that a man should never become embarrassed under any circumstances4 ,not so2 there are instances where to remain unmoved and indifferent to embarrassment would show an uncultured exercise of politeness4 ,for example1 how could a gentleman1 having spoken to his companion of a third party in an insulting manner1 refrain from embarrassment when that companion subsequently turns up and presents the third person1 who thereupon reproaches him for his prior insinuation and insult8 ,yet in ninety-nine cases out of every hundred the gentle and polite society men remain unmoved and unembarrassed1 making excuses and stating falsely4 ,yet they leave impressions of impoliteness and rudeness upon the minds of their victims4 ,suit the necessity of embarrassment to the occasion4 ,only if he has shown marked impoliteness or rudeness1 or both1 need a gentleman show concern subsequent to his remark or manner4 #d4 ,temper is the last subject for discussion here2 but it is not by any means the least in importance4 ,in fact1 if it were not for a proper control and exercise of temper1 there would hardly be necessity for elucidating half the subjects already so defined4 ,the temper should never be displayed under circumstances pertaining to society proper4 ,that is1 to your equals a tranquil nature and manner should always be shown1 no matter how trying the position4 ,to inferiors temper should not be shown while in sight or hearing of equals1 and even when alone with servants or agents only in case of breach of duty1 and then should merely be shown sufficiently far to make a reprimand more severe4 ,in fact there are so many remedies for circumstances tending to rouse the temper that it should be done away with as a bad habit4 ,when you do so far forget your politeness as to allow the temper to rise1 be sure that it is not directed to a lady4 ,illustration ,illustration ,,visiting ,a gentleman should as seldom as possible offer a regret for an invitation to visit1 and when doing so must see that his excuse is a good one4 ,only business1 traveling1 and sickness are sufficiently strong causes of refusal4 ,to offer a poor excuse is to cause a suspicion of a dislike on your part for the inviter1 his or her family or home1 or perhaps that you are too little interested in the whole affair to bother about visiting the person4 ,such poor excuses1 though apparently sufficient in your judgment1 not only appear weak to the inviters1 but cause them to neglect you in the future in respect to visiting4 ,of course1 if you are visiting or about to visit1 an excuse to that effect is sufficient1 provided you explain that the invitation you have accepted was received and acknowledged prior to the one which you are regretting4 ,your excuse1 when a good one1 should be strong1 sincere1 and regretfully expressed1 and1 above all1 never hint that you will be at liberty for a visit later1 or at some future date4 ,there is such a thing as being too indifferent in a regret to an invitation1 and also such a thing as showing in a regret too deep an interest or anxiety to accept4 ,and this latter is bad enough without being accompanied by broad hints4 ,if the first invitation was sincere and the inviter really desired your company1 you may be sure a second attempt will be made and another invitation issued4 ,when accepting an invitation1 it is best to adhere strictly to your acceptation of the kindness and express such in sincere terms4 ,do not be too effusive1 but to the point1 for an acceptance is not a letter and should therefore be short and formal4 ,if a regret1 the rule may be reversed1 as1 not intending to visit1 you are justified in substituting a letter1 whereas acceptances are followed by the visit1 and a lengthy epistle would be unnecessary4 ,after having accepted an invitation1 be sure to take with you a sufficient supply of clothes for variety1 and also that you may be prepared for emergencies or a prolongation of your visit4 ,it is very rude and impolite to inquire in your note of acceptance as to the length of time of stay4 ,you may depend upon it that no person having any knowledge of society would invite you for1 at the most1 more than a week1 and if longer the inviter would acquaint you of the fact in the invitation4 ,but for a week or less the inviter would neglect to mention any given time of stay4 ,but it should be understood that at the close of the second day the visitor is to remark upon his departure as fixed for the following day2 then if the host or hostess desire your presence for a longer period1 they will express themselves to that effect4 ,it is safer always to take one week's supply of linen1 in view of such an expression from them4 ,of course these rules only apply to formal invitations between friends of long standing1 but who have been more or less separated1 or friends of late acknowledgment1 or perhaps1 in rare instances1 mere acquaintances1 and have nothing whatever to do with fast friendship1 where it would be absolutely impossible to govern the parties in their manner of recognizing and accepting or regretting invitations1 and their actions subsequent to their arrival at the place of visitation4 ,such an invitation is controlled generally by the mutual acquiescence and approval of the parties1 and is too informal to be considered under the head of formal customs4 ,therefore to adhere strictly to the essential rules for a formal visitor3 ,a gentleman should make it a rule to be punctual to the time set for his arrival1 be it morning1 afternoon1 or evening4 ,when expected in the morning for breakfast1 and the place of visit is out of town1 if he arrives at his destination earlier than to his knowledge the family are accustomed to rise1 then he should occupy himself in some way till it is time to put in an appearance1 that he may be received by the host or hostess at a reasonable hour4 ,the first duty of a visitor is to be punctual to breakfast every morning during his stay2 and more too1 he should never fail to precede the host or hostess or both 7only these71 that he may be thus prepared to receive them with the usual morning salutation4 ,as to dinner1 lunch1 or supper1 punctuality is not considered1 as1 being in company with his entertainer1 it would be hardly possible for him to be dilatory4 ,a gentleman should never wear a dressing gown or slippers outside of his room1 when visiting or otherwise4 ,he should never enter the dining-room till the host or hostess1 or both1 have preceded him4 ,table manners are the same in visiting as at dinners at home and the like4 ,after any meal be careful not to appear uneasy or dissatisfied with the proceedings of your entertainer2 and do not1 no matter how great a desire you may have1 express opinions upon any arrangements1 or suggest any occupation for the consumption of time1 without first being asked for your advice or opinion2 for very often the host or hostess is led into doing that which but for your request1 and the fact of your being a visitor1 they would never have thought of or desired to do2 so be careful always to control your desire to make suggestions4 ,let your conversation1 manners1 and actions be ruled substantially as in calling4 ,never remain astir after the host or hostess1 or both1 have retired1 but ascend to your own room coincidently with them and retire immediately4 ,during a visit a gentleman should acquiesce in everything requested of him by host or hostess1 unless his opinion is called for1 when he should1 in deciding between his entertainers and others1 speak freely but impartially2 but if possible always decline the honor of judge4 ,do not appear at ease or at home beyond the unembarrassed exercise of a visitor's duties1 for such freedom may tend to cause dislike for you as presuming on your liberties4 ,a gentleman should not visit unless he be prepared1 in case of emergencies1 for a request from the hostess1 if the host is absent1 or from both if the host is himself incapable1 to act the part of table-host2 and to do this he must be thoroughly versed in the art of carving and serving the viands1 and in other ways demeaning himself as is essential to hosts4 ,in fact1 in going on a visit a gentleman should be proficient in its many requirements4 ,such rules as are here laid down will be sufficient1 and will not fail in leading him safely through the minor branches of politeness4 ,,finis4