,bringing up the ,boy ,illustration 8,,give ,,him ,,the ,,light ,,tell ,,him ,,the ,,truth ,,show ,,him ,,the ,,way60 ,bringing up the ,boy ,a ,message to ,fathers and ,mothers from a ,boy of ,yesterday concerning the ,men of ,to-morrow ,by ,,carl ,,werner ,illustration ,new ,york ,dodd1 ,mead and ,company #aiac ,copyright1 #aiaa1 by ,,the ,,butterick ,,publishing ,,company ,copyright1 #aiac1 by ,,dodd1 ,,mead ,,and ,,company ,published1 ,march1 #aiac ,,to ,mary ,morris ,werner ,a ,,good ,,mother ,,whose ,,fine ,,sympathy1 ,,keen ,,perception1 ,,and ,,devout ,,sense ,,of ,,duty ,,are ,,moulding ,,the ,,character ,,of ,,an ,,american ,,boy ,,this ,,volume ,,is ,,affectionately ,,inscribed ,,contents ,,chapter ,,page ,,foreword xi ,i ,,from ,,baby ,,to ,,boy #c ,,ii ,,the ,,simplicity ,,of ,,discipline #ag ,,iii ,,as ,,the ,,twig ,,is ,,bent #cc ,,iv ,a ,,talk ,,at ,,christmas ,,time #dh ,v ,,the ,,dynasty ,,of ,,the ,,dime ,,novel #fc ,,vi ,,the ,,sin ,,of ,,sex ,,secrecy #gg ,,vii ,,the ,,weed ,,and ,,the ,,winecup #ia ,,viii ,,out ,,into ,,the ,,world #ajd ,there2 my blessing with thee6 ,and these few precepts in thy memory ,see thou character4 ,give thy thoughts no tongue1 ,nor any unproportioned thought his act4 ,be thou familiar1 but by no means vulgar4 ,those friends thou hast1 and their adoption tried1 ,grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel2 ,but do not dull thy palm with entertainment ,of each new-hatch'd1 unfledged comrade4 ,beware ,of entrance to a quarrel1 but being in1 ,bear't that the opposed may beware of thee4 ,give every man thy ear1 but few thy voice2 ,take each man's censure1 but reserve thy judgment4 ,costly thy habit as thy purse can buy1 ,but not express'd in fancy2 rich1 not gaudy2 ,for the apparel oft proclaims the man4 ,neither a borrower nor a lender be2 ,for loan oft loses both itself and friend1 ,and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry4 ,this above all3 ,to thine own self be true1 ,and it must follow1 as the night the day1 ,thou canst not then be false to any man4 --,polonius to his son4 ,hamlet1 ,act ,i1 ,scene #c4 ,,foreword ,a good portion of the material in this volume was printed in serial form in ,the ,delineator1 to whose editors and publishers ,i am deeply indebted for the sympathy and encouragement that were necessary to bring my ideas on boy training into the circle of general parenthood4 ,as a result of the publicity gained through the medium of that magazine's wide circulation1 many letters were received by the magazine and by myself2 and in this mass of correspondence there was a distinct note of appeal for the publication of the essays between covers4 ,it was quite without any knowledge of this demand1 however1 that the present publishers1 acting independently1 became interested in the series1 and decided1 after due consideration1 to issue it in book form4 ,it was surprising that of the many letters received while these articles were appearing serially1 only a small minority of the writers disagreed with my views1 and those few protests were confined to one or two subjects4 ,so far as could be reasonably expected of one whose time is much occupied in pursuing a livelihood1 ,i replied to all such communications4 ,if in some instances ,i failed1 the omission was not because ,i was lacking in a keen appreciation of the interest1 the sympathy1 the suggestions and the criticisms thus expressed4 ,as to those who disagreed with me1 ,i would like to repeat here what ,i have said to them in personal replies3 ,they may be right1 and ,i wrong4 ,this much only1 ,i know--,that ,providence is kind in that ,he permits me to retain a distinct picture of the boy's cosmos2 that as a man and a father ,i can still see--and feel--from the boy's viewpoint2 and that1 preserving that visuality1 ,i have tried1 with the best judgment and most constant effort of which ,i am capable1 to employ it for the greatest good4 ,everything that ,i have written about boy training is solidly fixed on this foundation2 and everything that ,i have written has been or is being employed1 to the very letter1 in my stewardship of one who is infinitely more precious to me than life itself--my own boy4 ,if ,i have erred1 may ,god forgive me2 but on this score my conscience is as clear as a crystal pool1 for so far as human vision penetrates not one duty has been left undone and not one endeavour has gone astray4 ,and happily1 though ,i say it with a prayer on my lips and humility in my heart1 every passing year adds its living testimony to the principles which ,i advocate and for which ,i plead4 ,c4 ,w4 ,bringing up the ,boy ,i ,,from ,,baby ,,to ,,boy ,your son1 madam1 while passing a vacant house1 paused1 poised his arm and deliberately sent a small stone crashing through one of the windows4 ,then1 turning on his heel1 he ran nimbly up the street and disappeared around the corner4 ,you know it occurred1 because some one living next to the house saw him do it and told the owner1 and the owner came to you for reparation and you charged the boy with it and he admitted it to be true4 ,you are heartbroken because you find yourself confronted with what appears to be irrefutable evidence that your son is a bad boy4 ,you ask him why he did it4 ,he doesn't know4 ,you suggest that it might have been an accident4 ,being a truthful boy1 he replies tearfully that it was not4 ,you enquire if he had any grievance against the man who owns the house4 ,he answers that he hadn't even heard of the owner and didn't know who he was4 ,then--you ask again--why did he do it8 ,you get the same answer3 8,i don't know40 ,it certainly looks dubious for your boy1 madam1 doesn't it8 ,if at the tender age of ten years a lad will deliberately 8chuck0 a stone through a neighbouring window1 with no reason or provocation for it whatsoever1 what may he not be capable of at twenty8 ,the thought is appalling1 isn't it8 ,happily1 however1 ,i think it can be demonstrated to your complete satisfaction that your son is not bad--so far as this particular offence is concerned1 anyway--and that this stone-throwing business is a perfectly natural thing for a perfectly normal boy to do4 ,to start with1 let us suppose that ,i have placed on your back fence1 side by side1 a brick and a bottle4 ,i then hand you a little target-rifle and invite you to try your skill at shooting4 ,now1 which will you aim at--the brick or the bottle8 ,the bottle1 of course4 ,you answer more quickly than ,i can write it4 ,and why the bottle8 ,just think that over a moment1 please4 ,why the bottle8 ,meanwhile1 let us go back to the boy and the window4 ,the desire to see a physical result from any personal effort is deep-seated in every human being4 ,where is the author who does not take secret and real pleasure in scanning the achievements of his pen in the public print8 ,where is the architect who would forego the pleasure of seeing the finished structure1 the lines and masses of which he has dreamed over and designed8 ,the desire to see the result follow the endeavour1 the effect follow the cause1 is strong within us all4 ,it may seem a far cry from art and letters to the boy and the broken window1 but the psychologic principle involved is one and the same4 ,the boy1 sauntering along the street or the roadway1 has been amusing himself by throwing stones4 ,he has sent one against the side of a barn with no effect other than the sound of a hollow thud as it struck the boards4 ,he has heaved one at a telegraph pole1 and the pole didn't even quiver4 ,then he spies the vacant house4 ,it is obviously deserted and abandoned4 ,a pane already shattered in one of the windows starts the idea4 ,it is far enough back from the street to make the throw a test of skill4 ,if he misses there's no harm done4 ,if he hits there'll be a noise1 a crash1 a shower of flying glass and--,enough6 ,up goes the arm1 away goes the stone with fateful accuracy and the deed is done4 ,it was the act of a sudden impulse4 ,before the conscience within him could assert itself the missile had struck2 and that innate human ambition to produce a visible result was gratified4 ,the deed is done1 and the boy doesn't know why he did it4 ,but returning to the hypothesis of the brick and the bottle1 perhaps you1 madam1 can explain why you would prefer to shoot at the bottle4 ,in these talks ,i want to tell mothers something of what ,i know about boys2 not all about them1 but just a few of the more vital things that every mother of a boy ought to know and every father ought to be reminded of4 ,i say 8reminded0 advisedly1 for the fathers must have known some time1 though it would seem that most of them have forgotten now4 ,what ,i say ,i know about boys1 ,i know4 ,what ,i may suggest or advise is another matter4 ,it can stand only as a belief1 an opinion1 and my sole excuse for presuming to offer it is that ,i love the boy2 ,i live close to him and ,i believe in him4 ,i do not believe that the intuitiveness generally accredited to motherhood is in the least degree overestimated or exaggerated4 ,but mere intuitiveness1 even in its highest form of development1 can hardly be expected to bridge the natural gap of temperamental sex difference between mother and son4 ,unfortunately1 the father1 not eager to invade what he believes to be the mother's sphere1 usually is content to leave the management of the boy in the mother's hands1 while the mother1 not recognising the deficiency of her position1 labours on patiently1 lovingly1 untiringly1 but in many cases blindly1 and often with poor success4 ,if mothers only understood this it would be better4 ,if they could be brought to realize the handicap under which they are striving they could fortify themselves against it4 ,they could deepen the interest of the father or1 failing that1 they could at the least draw upon his experience and knowledge of real boyhood with good effect4 ,but there are no sex distinctions to the average mother4 ,the boys and the girls are just 8the children0 and the difference of sex is lost in the great catholicity of maternal love4 ,at the very beginning parents must concede the existence of an inherent temperamental difference between the boy and the girl4 ,this1 for the mother1 is not so easy of adjustment as it may appear4 ,the boy is her baby1 just her baby1 from swaddling-clothes to long trousers4 ,the fact is1 of course1 that the assertion of the sex temperament starts almost with the beginning of life4 ,for the first four or five years it is1 to be sure1 almost a negligible quantity1 but after that the boy needs to be treated as a boy1 and not as a sexless baby4 ,put a pair of new red shoes on a little girl's feet and send her out among a group of misses shod in black4 ,then watch her plume herself and pose at the front gate and mince up and down the avenue1 as proud as a peacock4 ,now1 rig up the six-year-old boy in some new and untried kink of fashion and turn him loose on the highway--and observe what follows4 ,note how sheepishly he looks down the street to where his playfellows are gathered1 and see how he edges toward them1 faltering and keeping as close to the fence as he can4 ,observe how1 just as he is trying to slip into their midst unostentatiously1 one of them cries in a shrill voice3 8,look who's here60 and another remarks3 8,oh1 what a shine60 and still another exclaims3 8,pipe the kelly60 meaning1 observe the hat4 ,then perhaps there is the very rude boy who asks whether the 8rags0 have been 8rassled10 said enquiry being gently emphasised by a push from behind4 ,in which case the young glass of fashion1 having a gloomy premonition of what may happen to him at home if he returns bearing the marks of combat1 backs discreetly off the firing-line1 and retreats to his own dooryard with as small loss of dignity as the exigency of the occasion will permit4 ,and he is pretty sure to stick there the remainder of the afternoon1 while occasionally other boys1 in regulation woollens or corduroys1 peep at him curiously through the palings1 making him feel like one of those unpronounceable animals that they keep in cages and lecture about at the zoo4 ,do you think this characteristic of the boy really signifies that he is 8notional08 ,do you put it down merely as 8finicality08 ,then you do him a great injustice4 ,in the true analysis it is quite the opposite4 ,it is but one feature of a unique democracy1 a splendid democracy that you will find holding sway wherever boys gather4 ,oh1 this democracy of boyhood is a wonderful thing6 ,to me it is the rgime beautiful4 ,there is something so inspiring about it6 ,for here1 in this quaint domain of dare-and-do1 you see every sturdy little chap1 regardless of clothes1 creed or family position1 standing on his own merits and judged by his own deeds4 ,why some mothers persist in ,little-,lord-,fauntleroy-ing their boys within an inch of their lives is to me a profound mystery4 ,can any mother enlighten me on the long-curls cruelty8 ,is it selfish vanity8 ,could any mother1 for the mere gratification of an egoistic desire1 be so unfeeling as to send her helpless boy out into the scene of humiliation and actual physical torture of which the boy with the long curls becomes the pitiable centre as soon as he turns the corner8 ,i do not like to think so4 ,rather would ,i believe1 as in the case of the broken window1 that the mother's error is chargeable to her never having been a boy4 ,she has a faulty conception of what it means to be yanked about by those boy-hated ringlets of gold1 to be harassed and taunted by the inornate but happier hoi polloi4 ,i recall one afternoon when ,i took a youngster of three around to the barber's to have him shorn4 ,i returned with the boy in one hand and the curls in the other4 ,he was magnificently cologned and wanted everybody to 8smell it40 ,the mother was waiting with an empty shoe-box in her lap4 ,she was sitting by the window1 in the soft half-light of the early evening1 and she caressed the golden bronze ringlets before putting them away4 ,and something glistened in her eye and it fell into the box and was packed away with the curls4 ,i shouldn't wonder if it were there yet1 for somehow ,i can't help thinking that a tear like that must crystallise into a tiny pearl and glisten on forever4 ,but when this mother looked up at the boy1 she was smiling1 almost proudly2 and she patted the shiny1 round head1 and kissed it1 cologne and all1 and quoted a verse about having 8lost a baby and gained a man10 declaring that he really looked much better than she had expected4 ,and the boy was put to bed and slept coolly and comfortably1 and he's had a clean scalp and a clear conscience ever since1 ,i guess4 ,but here ,i am1 taking up the reader's precious time talking about clothes and curls--neither of which mere man is supposed to know anything about--when all ,i meant to do was to emphasise the fact that long before a half-dozen of his birthdays have been celebrated1 the boy must be taken up as an abstract proposition4 ,at the age of five1 then1 let us say1 the boy reaches the stage of recognisable and indisputable masculinity4 ,this is the logical time for the properly constituted father to take the helm of the son's destiny4 ,if he does not do so1 through lack of interest1 lack of time or lack of the faculty for it1 the mother must needs go on with the struggle4 ,her five years of training the baby will not come amiss in training the boy4 ,but she must now reckon with boyhood as a distinct classification of childhood4 ,she must remember that from now on1 every year1 every month1 every day1 widens the gap of sex divergence4 ,she will do well to look at the bearded men who pass her door and consider that every attribute of masculinity exists1 embryonically1 in her round-faced baby boy4 ,from now on1 if she hopes to appeal to the best that is in him1 she must not only study the boy1 but she must study the world from the boy's viewpoint4 ,the nearer the mother can get to the boy's inner emotions1 the more effectively can she direct the trend of his mental1 moral and physical development4 ,herein lies the secret of getting and keeping a grip on the boy4 ,,ii ,,the ,,simplicity ,,of ,,discipline ,we are living in an epoch of extremists4 ,this morning the suffering dyspeptic is told that he will find a complete cure in a two weeks' fast2 this afternoon he is advised that by eating every two hours he will be forever free from his ills4 ,on the one hand is a sect preaching that prayer will bring us peace1 power and plenty1 and on the other is a schism pleading that supplication1 in itself1 availeth nothing4 ,here we have a group of modern disciplinists teaching that corporal punishment is a fading relic of barbaric brutality2 there we find a sturdy school of old-timers telling us that if we spare the rod we shall spoil the child4 ,with these extremists who specialise in the stomach or in the soul ,i have no quarrel2 but coming down to the subject of disciplining the boy ,i do want to point out to fathers and mothers seriously and earnestly that there is a happy medium1 a middle course--a neutral and natural way4 ,the moral suasion idea is a fine thing in theory and it would be a moderately fine thing actually if parents were all moral suasionists1 and if parents and children had nothing else in the world to do but practise it4 ,by this ,i mean that if all or most parents were naturally equipped to rule by moral suasion1 and1 secondly1 if twenty-four hours of the day could be devoted exclusively to discipline1 it would be undoubtedly a commendable method of child-government4 ,unfortunately1 such is not the case1 and in dealing with the question collectively we have to take conditions1 parents and children as we find them4 ,nearly every parent possesses the faculty of governing to some extent--greater or less2 and all children are capable of responding to it--but in varying degrees4 ,there is1 therefore1 no hard and fast rule that can be laid down for the guidance of all parents1 to be applied successfully to all children4 ,however1 by reducing the subject of this article first to boys1 and second to the average boy1 ,i think we can get the discussion down to a practicable basis4 ,the little girl is here absolutely eliminated from consideration4 ,i have studied her assiduously and at close range for a number of years and have succeeded in establishing this much only2 first1 that she is almost too sweetly complex for paternal comprehension1 and second1 that she is not amenable to the rules by which we discipline the boy4 ,my boy1 then1 is the average boy1 old enough to walk and talk and understand what is said to him1 moderately sensitive1 moderately affectionate1 moderately impulsive1 moderately perverse1 of ordinarily good health1 and possessed of the usual amount of animal spirits4 ,obedience is the foundation stone of the entire structure of discipline4 ,there is a good deal in discipline besides obedience1 but without obedience there is no discipline4 ,it is not the alpha and omega1 but is a good deal more than the alpha4 ,discipline is harmony4 ,harmony cannot be maintained without perfect obedience1 because obedience is a joint affair1 a partnership arrangement between you and the boy4 ,all other essentials of discipline are ex parte4 ,in all other essentials you are subjective and the boy is objective4 ,you think and he acts1 you direct and he executes1 you furnish the plan of living and he lives it4 ,but it is the partnership in obedience that makes this possible4 ,given perfect obedience1 the rest is easy1 because the boy's daily routine is simply a vivification of the principles shaped by your own matured mind4 ,let me repeat1 then1 that discipline is simply harmony and harmony cannot be attained without perfect obedience4 ,note the adjective1 perfect1 for this is the obstacle over which we are so prone to stumble4 ,obedience must be absolute1 complete and infallible4 ,how can we attain it8 ,how can we take the child-boy and so mould him that he will respond to a command instantly and unfailingly8 ,within him there is a natural1 healthy instinct opposed to it4 ,within him is the natural human tendency to think and act independently1 to learn by experiment1 to venture unassisted and unrestrained into the unknown4 ,punishment other than corporal will not always do it1 because at the time when this condition must be established the boy's baby mentality is not capable of compassing the long distances between cause and effect4 ,at the early age at which it is necessary to establish perfect obedience1 the moral penalties are too slow in action1 too complex and too much dependent upon local condition to be effective4 ,there are exceptions1 of course4 ,for example3 ,you have a box of sweets and you tell the boy he may take one4 ,he takes two4 ,as a penalty for his disobedience you make him return both pieces to the box and you cast the package into the fire4 ,there you have incorporal punishment that is instant1 direct and effective2 but this incident is made to order and of rare occurrence in fact4 ,suppose that the boy swallows the two pieces instantly1 or suppose the more usual occurrence that you have forbidden him to partake of the sweets at all and he has surreptitiously eaten one4 ,what then8 ,casting the remainder into the fire will not impress him at the time because his appetite has been satisfied1 the desire is dulled4 ,you may deprive him of his allowance on the day following1 but the lapse of time dims the relation of the penalty to the offence4 ,this kind of treatment works well with some of the minor errors but not with disobedience4 ,the tendency to disobey is too constant1 too persistent and too frequent1 and too early in the boy's process of development4 ,a mother said3 8,it is not necessary for me to strike my child4 ,i compel him to sit in a chair for one hour without speaking4 ,he fears that more than the rod40 ,of course1 he does1 poor little chap6 ,and that mother did not realise that she was substituting a barbaric torture for mild punishment4 ,i reverse her reasoning3 ,it is not necessary for me to so torture my boy4 ,nor shall ,i deprive him of his play1 of the outside air1 of his supper1 of anything that makes for his health and happiness1 nor of any good thing that it is in my power to give him4 ,disobedience calls for a punishment that is short1 direct and impressive4 ,a sharp tap on the palm of a boy's hand1 or on the calf of his leg--or two or five or ten--is the only kind of penance ,i know of that fills the requirements4 ,it is the one short and sure road to an immediate result4 ,naturalists tell us that the sense of touch is the first experienced by a newborn child4 ,it is the first and quickest wire from the outer world to the brain4 ,then come hearing and smelling and seeing and long after these come the moral perceptions1 the power of deduction and the distinction of right and wrong4 ,my experience has been that this first sense continues to be the live wire until well on toward the maturity of the child--if the child is a boy4 ,there are many men1 who can undergo the severest mental torture with calm resolution and fortitude1 but who tremble at the sight of a dental chair4 ,not long ago ,i was chatting with a friend1 who is a dentist1 when a burly policeman rushed in1 plumped himself into the operating-chair and asked the dentist to ease his aching tooth4 ,the dentist looked at the tooth and reached for his forceps4 8,the only way to fix that is to extract it10 he said4 ,the officer of the law sprang from the chair like a jack-in-the-box and made for the door1 remarking apologetically as he went out that he couldn't spare the time4 8,that man10 said the dentist1 when he had gone1 8has a medal for bravery1 and three times has been commended for saving lives at the risk of his own40 ,it is not that the boy fears pain1 but that he fears the certainty of it1 he dreads the deliberate1 the inevitable punishment1 accompanied by no moral stimulus with which to combat it4 ,i have known my boy to take a severe beating from another boy in a struggle for the possession of an apple--and all without shedding a tear4 ,the spat on the hand that ,i inflicted was a mere flea-bite to that beating1 but because of it ,i could leave an apple within reach of his hand indefinitely and1 though he might want it ever so much1 he would not touch it if ,i had forbidden him4 ,so much for the psychology of corporal punishment4 ,now for the practice of it4 ,while ,i may have been guilty of many literary offences1 a list of 8,don'ts0 has not1 up to this time1 been among them4 ,but as the word obedience necessarily captions an imposing array of 8,don'ts0 for the boy1 ,i think his parents may be better equipped to enforce them by considering some very important ones applying to themselves4 ,at any rate1 having spoken freely in favour of the use of the rod1 it is vitally important to qualify my advocacy of it in accordance with my experience and belief4 ,every one of the qualifications or conditions that ,i am about to enumerate is essential to this system of discipline1 so much so that if they were not to be considered as part of it1 all that ,i have written would go for naught and ,i would ask to withdraw it completely4 ,corporal punishment is resorted to for one kind of offence only--disobedience4 ,absolutely for no other4 ,corporal punishment consists of a few sharp taps on the palm or calf with a thin wood ruler4 ,the boy is never punished in the presence of a third person1 even a brother or sister4 ,punishment is never administered with the slightest sign of anger or under excitement4 ,any parent incapable of so administering corporal punishment should not employ it4 ,punishment must partake of the nature of a simple ceremony rather than of a torture2 it must be regarded as a duty1 not as a personal retaliation4 ,punishment is always prefaced with a simple1 brief1 but explicit explanation1 like this3 8,my boy1 listen3 ,i love you and ,i do not like to hurt you4 ,but1 every boy must be made to obey his father and mother1 and this seems to be the only way to make you do it4 ,so remember6 ,every time you disobey me you shall be punished4 ,when ,i tell you to do a thing1 you must do it1 instantly2 without a moment's delay4 ,if you hesitate1 if you wait to be told a second time1 you will be punished4 ,when ,i speak1 you must act4 ,just as sure as you are standing here before me1 this punishment will follow every time you do not do as you are told40 ,say no more than that4 ,drive home the inseparability of the cause and the consequence2 let the idea of instant1 infallible obedience be telegraphed to his brain simultaneously with the sting of the ruler4 ,have no fear that this form of chastisement will break your boy's spirit or will weaken the bond of love between him and yourself4 ,both will be strengthened by it4 ,for one punishment inflicted1 there are hundreds of kind words and deeds to prove your affection4 ,no child should be punished corporally other than as ,i have described4 ,to strike him in the face1 to strike him at all with the hand or fist is brutal1 and brutality is not only sinful but ineffective4 ,corporal punishment inflicted impulsively is dangerous because it lacks the earmarks of good intent4 ,above all1 remember this3 ,that the kind of corporal punishment which ,i employ is effective1 first because it is the only kind the child knows1 and in no other way does he feel the weight of a corrective hand2 and second1 because it never fails to follow the deed4 ,to waver is unfair to the child4 ,yesterday he was punished4 ,to-day he commits the same infraction and is not punished4 ,here is inconsistency and the boy is confused4 ,if it were not deserved to-day1 he reasons1 it was undeserved yesterday2 therefore1 he is aggrieved4 ,every time you miss the atonement you lose a link1 and the chain of your discipline is broken4 ,this is the chief error of parent disciplinarians4 ,we fail to grasp the all-important truth that the unfailing application of corporal punishment is the very thing that can render punishment of any kind unnecessary4 ,many a boy is punished a hundred times where but a few would have sufficed had the penalty been exacted consistently and unfailingly4 ,the right kind of discipline neither spoils the child nor spoils the rod4 ,it spares both4 ,it is like good dentistry4 ,every moment of hurt saves years of suffering in later life4 ,and good painless discipline is as rare as good painless dentistry4 ,further than this ,i have but little to say about discipline1 for1 once you have achieved infallible obedience1 you are bound to achieve perfect discipline4 ,the two words are synonyms in effect4 ,no mother can hope for the best results if she seeks to train her boy as she would arrange her hair--to please her vanity--or as she would plan a shopping tour--to suit her convenience4 ,self must be submerged and the child's future kept uppermost4 ,for discipline is a mother's duty to her boy4 ,if she falters in it the boy will suffer4 ,and every penalty that the unwatched boy escapes through a parent's frailty1 he will have to pay1 many fold1 in the future years4 ,,iii ,,as ,,the ,,twig ,,is ,,bent ,you hear the sound of sobbing in the distance1 and as it draws nearer and grows more distinct you recognise the voice4 ,a moment later the door flies open and there stands your boy1 crying as though his heart would break4 ,little rivulets of tears are trickling down his dust-covered cheeks1 and on the side of his face is the mark of a cruel blow4 ,between sobs he tells you that the boy across the street did it4 ,why8 ,he doesn't know why2 he wasn't doing anything at all1 8jes' playin' around40 ,you wipe the tears away and kiss the hurt1 and as you note the quivering lip and the angry bruise1 a wave of indignation swells within you4 ,glancing out through the window you see the boy across the street1 cavorting triumphantly on the curb4 ,how much bigger and coarser and rougher than your boy he appears--isn't it always so8 ,your little chap has come to you partly for sympathy1 but mainly for retaliation4 ,he shows you his wound and points to the boy who did it4 ,he has been hurt1 he has been grievously wronged1 and he has come to you whom he has learned to look upon as his one never-failing protector and friend4 ,you spring to your feet1 fired with an overwhelming desire to rush into the street and avenge the wrong that has been done your child4 ,madam1 one moment6 ,don't do it4 ,the retaliation you contemplate may be justice so far as the tormentor across the street is concerned1 but it is a rank injustice to your own boy4 ,i want to tell you on the authority of an ex-boy that if you would serve your son best1 you will not interfere4 ,none but a mother knows the trials and heartaches of the fighting period in a boy's life2 and none but a father realises what an important part that period plays in the shaping of the boy's career4 ,the period runs approximately from the ages of five to ten4 ,prior to that the child is too young to indulge in it1 and subsequently he is too old to tell about it4 ,in the interim these affairs of the street are of daily occurrence and are to the mother a source of annoyance as mysterious as they are harrowing4 ,the right way to deal with this problem may not be the easiest way but it is the simplest1 and it is the best for the boy4 ,it is to let him alone4 ,it is to teach him from the very beginning that outside of his own dooryard he must protect himself with his own hands4 ,have a distinct understanding that if he gets himself into a fight1 he must get himself out of it4 ,tell him that by helping him you would only make more trouble for him because he would get to be known as a coward1 and all the boys would annoy him more than before4 ,i went further than this with my boy4 ,i told him that ,i did not approve of fighting1 but that if he were forced into it1 ,i would expect him to hit out hard and fast and defend himself blow for blow4 ,i provided him with a punching-bag and a set of boxing-gloves and ,i showed him how to use them4 ,he was just five when ,i established this rule and in one year it proved itself4 ,at six we started him off to school1 and a few days later he came home one afternoon with a discoloured eye4 ,but there was no tear in it4 ,he threw his books in a corner and ran1 whistling1 out to play4 ,at dinner that evening my curiosity got the better of me1 but ,i assumed indifference4 8,where did you get the eye1 old chap80 ,i asked casually4 ,he looked up sheepishly1 smiled and pushed his cup toward me4 8,some more milk1 if you please1 father10 he said4 ,the fighting problem had been solved forever4 ,the mother who coddles her boy shows him a double unkindness4 ,she not only increases his boyhood miseries1 through making him the particular target of other boys1 but she retards the development of his self-reliance and his manliness4 ,i give the affaire d'honneur an important place in this chapter because it is one of the things about boys that mothers often misunderstand and quite generally undervalue4 ,of course1 the cardinal precept which should form the foundation of the character structure is--,truth4 ,combine in him manliness and truthfulness1 and the other essential traits of good character will spring from these two like shoots from the trunk of a healthy tree4 ,truth-telling should be made a matter of habit with the boy4 ,have you not among your acquaintances men1 women and children who are habitual prevaricators1 people who make misstatements continuously1 absolutely without purpose and without malice8 ,lying has become a habit with them4 ,by the same token truth-telling can be and should be so instilled in the boy as to become automatic4 ,he should never be punished for a falsehood as you might punish him for disobedience4 ,the problem of disobedience1 which ,i discussed in a foregoing chapter1 is a matter of psychology from beginning to end4 ,truth-telling becomes so in the end but is a matter of morals at the beginning4 ,it can be formed into a fixed habit by treating it morally and by keeping everlastingly at it until the result is achieved4 ,you cannot beat a boy into hating a lie1 but you can shame him into it4 ,it is natural for a very young boy to seek to evade responsibility for an offence by disclaiming it4 ,the first time he does this he must be made to know that1 however serious the offence may be1 it is as nothing compared to the lie that he seeks to cover4 ,i did not go so far as to promise my boy immunity for infractions that he frankly confessed2 but ,i did make it a rule unto myself that he should never suffer through confession1 and ,i did invariably commend him1 in the highest terms1 when he told the truth under conditions that made it peculiarly praiseworthy4 ,an example3 ,i find my inkstand tipped over and a great black stain upon the carpet4 ,i summon the boy and ask him sternly3 8,who did that80 ,my manner is threatening4 ,the offence is grave4 ,he is thoroughly frightened1 but after a moment he answers1 falteringly1 8,i did40 ,instantly my attitude changes from admonitive to commendatory4 ,i say to him3 8,this is an awful thing that you have done4 ,the carpet is spoiled4 ,the stain will always be there4 ,nothing can remove it4 ,but you have told the truth and that is the finest thing that a boy can do4 ,as bad as this is1 ,i would rather you would do it a hundred times than tell one lie40 ,if1 on the other hand1 he falsifies1 ,i grieve before him4 ,i tell him that nothing that a boy can do is as bad as a falsehood3 that a lie is the very meanest and lowest thing in the world4 ,i tell him that ,i fully forgive him for spilling the ink1 but it is almost impossible to forgive him for that lie4 ,i leave him to meditate upon it4 ,i never allow an untruth to pass without bringing a blush of shame to the boy's cheek4 ,i never let a lie show itself without holding it up as a thing to be despised4 ,the boy first gets to fear a falsehood1 then to despise it--and finally to forget it4 ,and by forgetting ,i mean that it passes beyond the pale of things considerable4 ,truth has become a fixed habit4 ,having accomplished this1 you have given your boy a solid foundation upon which to rear the structure of good character4 ,i believe in sending the boy to the church4 ,regardless of the parents' attitude toward religion1 ,i believe it is their duty to give the boy the benefit of a church environment while he is still a boy4 ,irrespective of sect or creed1 he is sure to absorb some good in an atmosphere of divine worship4 ,in later years he may depart from the precepts there learned1 but the early teachings and associations of the church or the ,sunday school will leave their influence in some degree1 and whether it is much or little1 it will never be for anything but good4 ,i give my boy the ,bible to study and the ,golden ,rule to live by4 ,i teach him to speak or think deprecatingly of no religious faith1 and show him that all are working for the betterment of man4 ,from his infancy ,i guard him from superstition and discourage the fear of fancied dangers4 ,i do not believe it is necessary for a boy1 at any age1 to fear the dark4 ,mine never did4 ,fear of the dark is born of suggestion1 and he has been successfully guarded from any word that would couple darkness with danger4 ,throughout his entire childhood he never sensed the usual terrors of the unlighted room and the darkened passage4 ,i would never confirm even the ,santa ,claus myth1 though ,i did not dissuade him from it1 because ,i well remember the added joy it brought to me when ,i was a boy4 ,when the question was put to me ,i said3 8,i shall not tell you because the mystery of ,christmas adds much to your enjoyment of it4 ,believe it or not1 as you choose2 ,i have nothing to say40 ,with this pleasant exception he has never asked me a question that ,i have not answered truthfully and as completely as ,i could4 ,i live close to my boy1 and by so doing ,i find his level and see his narrowed horizon as he sees it4 ,when he was only six we lived together in the woods1 slept under the same blanket1 fished and sailed and took our daily swim together4 ,beginning at that early age we have sat by the campfire at night and talked of the stars and the moon and the strange noises of the wood4 ,nowhere can you get as close to your boy as you can out under the sky with only ,nature about you4 ,it would be a splendid thing if every father could devote a few weeks each year to 8roughing it0 with his boy4 ,besides the opportunities it offers for community of thought1 it brings out a phase of the boy's character that under other conditions might never come to the surface4 ,i recall one evening1 as the boy and ,i were lolling on the bank of a river1 how he astonished me by exclaiming3 8,see6 ,what a beautiful sunset60 ,he had seen the sun go down many times over the housetops of the town1 but it needed the solitude of that particular place and time to give him an appreciation of its beauties4 ,unexpectedly there was disclosed to me an sthetic side of his nature that ,i had never known4 ,these are opportunities that open peculiarly to the father1 and he should take advantage of them4 ,i believe that every boy should be encouraged to acquire a college education and that he should be made to pay for it4 ,we hear a good deal of talk nowadays about the lack of real advantage that the college man has over the other fellow4 ,thousands of college men fail in their struggles with the work-a-day world1 and often you find a degree man working in a subordinate capacity to a man of his own age who missed a college education4 ,it is a fact1 too1 that the honour men of our colleges rarely distinguish themselves in their chosen professions4 ,but none of these things prove anything1 because the personal equation has to be reckoned in4 ,i believe that the young man who takes his college course and takes it seriously is better fitted for the work of life than he would otherwise have been4 ,the unschooled man who succeeds would have succeeded with more ease and to a higher standard had he been schooled4 ,the college man who fails would have failed more miserably had he been untrained4 ,i believe that failure of an educated man is in spite of his education1 and not because of it4 ,if you want to make sure that your boy is going to use his college education to the best advantage1 let him pay his way4 ,the failures that our institutions of learning turn out are not the men who work their way through2 they are the sons of the affluent1 the little brothers of the rich4 ,the boy who drives the hay-rake or works behind the counter of his father's store in vacation time is rarely found among the derelicts4 ,let the boy share the cost with you1 and you need have no fear that either the time or money spent for education will go for naught4 ,from the first time that he trots over to the candy store with his penny1 the boy should be trained to know the intrinsic value of money4 ,encourage him in moderate frugality1 not because the accumulation of money is a desideratum1 but because profligacy is bad for the morals4 ,whether it is the mother or the father who takes especial charge of the boy1 or both1 they should aim steadfastly to have his complete confidence always4 ,he should be made to feel that they are not only dearer to him1 but nearer to him than any one else in the world4 ,if a condition of implicit confidence can be established between you and the boy1 you can depend upon him to be receptive of the good which you seek to charge him with4 ,then1 with truth as his anchor1 no storm of the outer world can sweep him beyond the influence of home4 ,the bulwark of the good character that you have builded will stand throughout his lifetime4 ,,iv ,a ,,talk ,,at ,,christmas ,,time ,on a ,christmas ,eve some thirty-odd years ago a very small boy1 guarded on either side by sisters older than himself1 knelt at the low sill of his bedroom window and looked wonderingly out into the night4 ,above was the sky1 studded with twinkling stars4 ,below was a soft1 silent blanket of white--the unsullied snow of a northern winter4 ,everything was very still4 ,the boy looked first at the sky4 ,being of the baby age when the children of the wise are put to bed with the sun1 the night sky was more mystic than the snow4 ,there were so many of those stars1 and they appeared to be twinkling at him with cheerful friendliness4 ,one attracted him particularly4 ,it did not twinkle and was not so merry as the others1 but it was larger and shone with a bright1 steady glow4 ,it seemed to be reaching down toward the boy as though it would speak to him4 ,he recalled the story that had been told him only the day before1 the story of the first ,christmas and of three wise men who had been guided to the manger wherein lay the infant ,christ2 and the thought came to him that this1 perhaps1 was the star that led them4 ,the suggestion of the manger brought the boy's eyes downward to the snow-topped stable opposite his window2 and from the stable he turned to the white-roofed houses with their chimneys still smoking from the evening fires4 ,he wondered if ,santa ,claus would have to wait till all the fires were out before he could make his rounds4 ,how white everything was and how still6 ,a sense of delicious mystery crept over him4 ,he heard the sound of distant sleigh-bells4 ,they drew nearer and jingled more tunefully4 ,one of his guardians caught his hand in hers and held up a warning finger4 ,they listened4 8,quick6 ,maybe it's ,santa ,claus60 whispered the guardians in unison2 and the three scampered to their beds and disappeared beneath the blankets4 ,five minutes later the little boy was fast asleep4 ,the little boy was myself1 and the incident is the first ,christmas that ,i can recall4 ,i recount it because it seems to illustrate the natural coalescence of the mythical idea with the historical idea of the great world holiday4 ,too often1 ,i think1 the real significance of our holidays is lost in the merriment of celebrating them4 ,every child is entitled to a thorough explanation and a lasting impression of the incident which ,christmas commemorates4 ,in shaping the ,christmas idea in the boy's mind we should begin at the beginning4 ,if the story of the ,star of ,bethlehem is told in the right way and at the right time1 it may be depended upon to survive the myths and the merry-making with which the atmosphere is charged during the festal period4 ,and this need not militate against the development of the ,santa ,claus side of the celebration1 for the one amplifies the other4 ,unselfish giving is the keynote to both1 and the child-mind easily comprehends the application of the modern custom to the ancient story4 ,in the bringing up of my boy ,i have been a stickler for truth4 ,absolute confidence between father and son1 mother and child1 has been my plea and my practice1 always4 ,yet1 while not going out of my way to encourage the ,santa ,claus myth1 ,i have most cheerfully tolerated it4 ,it is the one mystery of childhood that ,i do not explain1 and my reason for excepting it from the calendar of candour is that the end justifies the means4 ,i would not rob the boy of a fiction that has not one harmful possibility1 and that brings so much gladness into the home1 and into his heart4 ,i would not deny him a kind of pleasure that added so much to the joy of my own childhood4 ,but1 and paramount to every other consideration1 the great unassailable justification of the ,santa ,claus myth is the remarkable lesson it teaches4 ,with reasonable reservations for the unusual ,i may say that never1 after the ,santa ,claus age1 does a man or a woman either practise or experience that remarkable unselfishness of the parents who conceal their bounteousness behind a fiction4 ,after childhood we continue to give and take4 ,we give to our brothers and sisters1 to our parents and to all whom we love4 ,it is our pleasure to add to their happiness2 but it is also our pleasure to feel that they know it is we who have so contributed to their enjoyment4 ,not so in ,santa ,claus land4 ,there1 and there only1 is found the absolute submergence of self1 the sincerely impersonal benefaction4 ,as a child1 coming down to the dazzling ,christmas tree1 ,i said3 8,how good is ,santa ,claus60 ,but in after years when ,i began to realise that every one of those trees of joy had come from my good father1 who had tramped out into the woods to cut them and had hauled them over the hills for miles1 sometimes through a blinding blizzard1--then ,i said3 8,how great is a parent's love60 ,when the boy arrives at the age of serious reasoning1 say six or seven1 and asks me point-blank if there is really a ,santa ,claus1 ,i meet the question fairly4 ,i simply decline to answer and give him my reason for so doing4 ,i explain to him that half the fun of the holiday lies in the mystery surrounding ,st4 ,nicholas4 ,i tell him1 good-humouredly but positively1 that he must solve the ,santa ,claus problem himself4 ,by taking this position ,i keep square with the boy1 and at the same time he is not disillusionised1 for he is as willing to cling to the romance as ,i am to have him--and more so4 ,the custom1 particularly prevalent in the large cities1 of conducting the boy through the toy department of the stores when the big holiday stocks are on display1 is to be deplored4 ,the lavish exhibitions paraded before his eyes cannot fail to dull his appreciation of the home ,christmas4 ,in arranging my boy's ,christmas ,i strive for simplicity4 ,it was ,nerissa1 ,i think1 in the 8,merchant of ,venice10 who said3 8,they are as sick who surfeit with too much1 as they that starve with nothing40 ,the rich--sometimes--pity the poor at ,christmas4 ,this is well1 for pity looses a purse-string occasionally1 and ,heaven knows there are enough tight ones6 ,but the fact is1 that the children of the moderately poor often get more real joy to a square inch of a ,christmas morning than many a little brother of the rich4 ,there can be no great pleasure in receiving when there has been no genuine longing4 ,only the child who has known want can fully relish realisation4 ,a few modest gifts1 judiciously selected1 are more permanently satisfying than a lavish display1 indiscriminately gathered4 ,i always try to supply my boy with one thing that he most desires1 or with a fair compromise between it and what ,i can afford to buy4 ,if ,i can meet his anticipations fully in this one gift ,i do so2 but it must be something of a substantial and permanent nature4 ,after which1 if my purse permits1 ,i amplify this with a few things of lesser cost and more trivial in character4 ,and here let me record a protest against that modern unnecessary1 the perfected toy4 ,by the perfected toy ,i mean the toy that is not a plaything1 but an ingenious contrivance so perfected mechanically that it leaves nothing for the child to do4 ,i protest against the toy that leaves absolutely nothing to either the fancy or the ingenuity of the boy4 ,the imaginative faculty of a child is constantly reaching out for something upon which it may feed and develop4 ,this propensity is stifled by the perfected toy4 ,the railroad outfit that goes into complete operation at the turn of a lever2 the doll that walks and talks and has an elaborate trousseau2 the soldier equipments that fit a boy out in military style from head to toe--these and all like them are praiseworthy examples of the commercial instinct of the toymakers2 but they do not meet the requirements of the child4 ,and if the juvenile mind were capable of self-analysis it would reject them4 ,i learned this first from a little girl of three years4 ,she had been deluged with presents that ,christmas morning2 but before an hour had passed she had looked them all over1 and we found her curled up in an armchair1 playing with a clothes-pin and an empty baking-powder can6 ,hers was the happiness found only in the land of ,make-,believe4 ,instead of giving my boy a soldier outfit1 ,i would give him a pocket-knife--assuming that he is old enough to wield one4 ,having a new knife1 he is ambitious to use it1 and he fashions a sword out of a stick of pine4 ,the sword suggests playing soldier1 and he proceeds to make a peaked hat out of a newspaper2 a skate-strap answers for a belt1 and he makes a pair of epaulets from a scrap of tin-foil4 ,in this way the boy is duly benefited3 in creating these things his ingenuity is drawn upon1 and1 in supplying things that he cannot make1 his imagination is exercised4 ,one can hardly begin too early to teach the child the pleasure of giving4 ,a few pennies taken by him from his own little bank1 and an excursion to a neighbouring store1 will initiate the idea4 ,a mere trinket for each member of the household will serve the purpose and put him on the right track4 ,but we must go further than the family circle with the ,christmas idea4 ,we must show the boy that while charity begins at home1 it does not end there4 ,one day shortly before ,christmas1 ,i took the boy to the closet where his discarded toys were kept1 and ,i said3 8,there are millions of children in the world1 and there are not always toys enough to go around4 ,if you will tell me which of these things you do not play with any more1 ,i will see that they are distributed on ,christmas ,day among little boys and girls who otherwise would get nothing40 ,he looked the things over carefully1 and said finally that there was nothing that he would like to give away4 ,i did not urge the matter2 but the next day ,i invited him to take a ride with me on the street-car4 ,alighting at ,city ,hall ,park1 we walked down the ,bowery4 ,arriving at ,pell ,street1 ,i found ,chuck ,connors sunning himself on the corner4 8,chuck10 ,i said1 8,i have a dollar in my pocket that isn't busy1 and ,i want you to take me to some one who needs it more than you or me40 ,so off we trudged1 ,chuck and ,i1 and the boy between4 ,a few blocks farther down we turned toward the river4 ,it was familiar ground to ,chuck and me--but the boy's eyes were opened to a new world4 ,he saw the misery of the slums4 ,he passed a boy of his own age1 barefooted--in ,december--staggering under a load of scrap-wood that would have troubled a man to bear4 ,he saw a little girl1 half clad1 shivering behind an ash-can1 trying to hide herself from her drunken father1 who leered at the waif from a hallway across the street4 ,pushing on into the very heart of that pitiable section1 through poverty1 want and wretchedness1 the boy went with us through a miserable tenement1 wherein the spectre of ,starvation stalked through the sordid halls and snarled at my dollar bill4 ,on the car1 homeward bound1 the boy tugged at my elbow4 8,father10 he said1 8besides what's in the closet1 they's a lot of other things ,i don't play with any more40 ,ever since then we have had an annual house-cleaning about a week before ,christmas1 and the ,salvation ,army wagon carries away a goodly load4 ,indeed1 the event has come to be regarded as quite a festal occasion4 ,as the years go on and the boy begins to leave playland behind1 ,i would not hurry him into the realism of the grown-up's ,yuletide4 ,let the charm of mystery1 of certainty1 of anticipation1 linger as long as it will4 ,perhaps last year you thought it was a bit incongruous when you found yourself slipping a safety razor into a gaily-hued sock1 size ten1 dangling in the chimney-corner4 ,and perhaps you have decided that he is too big for that sort of thing now1 and that you will let it go by default this ,christmas4 ,maybe you are about to tell him so4 ,my friend1 defer it4 ,stick right on in the old way as long as you can get the boy to stick with you2 for1 once you have severed the ties of the ,christmas of his childhood1 you will have cut the tinsel thread that links your son to the only fairyland he will ever know4 ,v ,,the ,,dynasty ,,of ,,the ,,dime ,,novel ,my neighbour ran in at the basement door as was his wont4 ,coming lightly up the stairs he entered the library1 and not finding me there1 but hearing a voice beyond1 he walked across the room and looked in at the open doorway of my den1 where he stood for a moment1 unobserved4 ,this is what he saw3 ,the boy1 then scarcely nine1 stretched out comfortably on a sofa1 reading aloud2 ,i reclining in an easy-chair with my slippered feet in another1 and listening intently2 a bright light shining over the boy's shoulder and flooding the room4 ,my neighbour paused long enough to hear these words fall from the reader's lips in boyish monotone3 8,the crack of a ,winchester sounded on the night air and the engineer fell dead60 ,then he interrupted4 8,well1 in the name of reason10 he said1 8what are you folks reading80 ,the boy and ,i looked up4 ,i took the book from the youngster's hand and passed it up to the intruder4 8,the life and adventures of ,jesse ,james10 ,i said4 ,my neighbour took the book gingerly1 read the title and glanced at the cover1 upon which were pictured in vivid colours three desperate-looking gentlemen in black masks1 holding up a train4 8,and you are reading this--together80 he asked4 8,yes10 said ,i2 8taking turns at it1 he a chapter and ,i a chapter40 ,my neighbour shrugged his shoulders and returned the volume1 dusting his fingers4 8,don't you think he would get to this sort of stuff soon enough--without you helping him80 8,he arrived there to-day10 ,i said2 8and ,i'm there with him40 ,there you have it--the great difference of viewpoint3 my neighbour looking at it from where he stands and ,i looking at it from the standpoint of my boy4 ,my neighbour convinced that ,i was starting my beloved son on the highroad to a criminal career2 ,i calm and confident1 and cocksure that ,i am doing what is best for the boy4 ,and ,i guess if we were to take the vote of ,parenthood on the issue1 my side would go down to overwhelming defeat4 ,now1 my father says that up to the time he departed from the parental roof there were only two books in the home that he was permitted to read--the ,bible and ,foxe's 8,martyrs40 ,from his tenth to his seventeenth year he was actually starving1 he said1 for the want of stories of adventure4 ,once1 when he was fourteen1 a departing visitor left a copy of 8,scottish ,chiefs40 ,this he seized upon and was devouring it in the attic when discovery by his stern pater cut him off in the middle of a most exciting battle4 ,the book was confiscated and he was soundly chastised4 8,and do you know10 adds my father ruefully1 8it was three years before ,i learned how that fight came out60 ,perhaps that's why he gave me a freer hand in my selections when ,i was a kid4 ,he did1 anyway4 ,all that he required was that it must be free from any suggestion of the obscene and of sacrilege4 ,like most boys ,i began my independent reading with 8,grimm's ,fairy ,tales10 8,robinson ,crusoe10 8,swiss ,family ,robinson10 8,arabian ,nights0 and books of the sort that boys usually receive as gifts4 ,from these ,i jumped to the nickel and dime variety4 ,there were one or two good juvenile magazines coming into the home1 but they were not sufficient4 ,i waded through all the 8,smart ,aleck0 books1 including 8,peck's ,bad ,boy40 ,i took the thrills with the ten-cent detective heroes of the ,old ,sleuth and ,nick ,carter type1 and revelled in the more or less historical exploits of ,david ,crockett1 ,kit ,carson1 ,daniel ,boone and ,buffalo ,bill4 ,at fourteen ,i had run the gamut of cheap literature4 ,i do not mean that ,i read every 8penny-dreadful0 in existence1 for the list is endless--there is a new one every day4 ,but ,i had 8got my skin full0 and the stuff began to pall4 ,after reading a good number of these books1 even a boy feels their want of the convincing quality4 ,he feels1 too1 their sameness and their unrealness4 ,then ,i approached the modern style and the truer type of boy books1 stories of the ,alger1 ,oliver ,optic and ,g4 ,a4 ,henty kind2 and then the better type of adventure stories1 such as 8,treasure ,island0 and 8,king ,solomon's ,mines40 ,then ,i drifted into ,wilkie ,collins' creations1 reading only the more exciting ones--8,the ,moonstone0 and 8,the ,dead ,alive40 ,after that came ,edgar ,allan ,poe and ,charles ,reade2 and before ,i was sixteen ,i had got into ,scott1 ,thackeray and ,dickens4 ,and here ,i anchored4 ,since then1 of course1 ,i have voyaged far and wide in all directions1 but ,dickens is my snug harbour1 and will be to the end4 ,no boy could revel--shall ,i say wallow8--in trashy literature more than ,i did2 but search as ,i will1 ,i cannot see where it left a trace of an influence on my conduct or my character4 ,i do not think it was owing to any want of physical courage2 because ,i know that ,i did my share of fighting and took as many beatings with a dry eye as the others2 a little more of both1 in fact1 than it would become me to boast about4 ,but ,i never robbed a bank or had any desire to2 ,i never craved the career of a detective keenly enough to try my hand at it1 and while at one time ,i did yearn for a chance to battle single-handed with a band of ,sioux warriors1 the desire never led me into more dangerous quarters than a seat at the ,wild ,west ,show4 ,was ,i different from other boys8 ,my mother says certainly ,i was1 and very much better4 ,god bless her6 ,my father says ,i was about like the rest4 ,my teacher--he is a prominent member of the ,new ,york bar now1 and ,i put the question to him squarely just the other day--tells me frankly that ,i was the worst boy in school4 ,the three estimates1 averaged1 would make me an average boy1 and ,i think my experience as to the effect of reading material was about the usual experience of boys in general4 ,they pass through the age of blood-and-thunder literature just as they have mumps1 measles and marbles1 and are none the better and but little the worse for having gone through it4 ,as water finds its level1 so the temperament eventually finds its affinity in reading matter4 8,there is no book so bad10 said the elder ,pliny1 8but that some good might be got out of it40 ,i know that some boys who read cheap literature go to the bad4 ,but ,i have never seen it established that the reading was responsible for the waywardness4 ,i do not deny that1 granting the existence of a tendency toward a life of crime1 certain types of stories might encourage the tendency4 ,but the influence of this stuff is so slight that the avoidance of it would not prevent the downward step4 ,many a boy1 fascinated by the glamour of the circus1 has run away with one4 ,still1 this does not make the circus reprehensible nor would ,i1 because of that circumstance1 deny my boy the pleasure of attending it4 ,on the contrary1 ,i go with him to the circus and sit beside him4 ,we munch peanuts joyously1 but ,i warn him to beware of the red lemonade and tell him why it is sometimes unwholesome4 ,he sees the show from start to finish--under my direction4 ,and when he has seen it ,i reveal to him the reverse side of the picture--,i give him a peep behind the scenes4 ,i tell him of the hardships and privations of a showman's life1 the long night rides1 the harsh discipline1 the perils and dangers of it4 ,this is exactly my attitude toward the boy's early reading4 ,i do not throw wide open the doors of the paper-cover library and push him into it4 ,but if he shows a desire to explore it1 ,i go with him4 ,wherever ,i can save him time and eyestrain by a friendly suggestion1 ,i am there to make it4 ,when ,i find him reading 8,cut-,throat ,charley1 the ,terror of the ,spanish ,main10 ,i do not pooh-pooh the book or make sport of the boy4 ,i do tell him that the best pirate story ever written is ,stevenson's 8,treasure ,island0 and tell him that if he wants a shipwreck story that will make his hair stand up he ought to read ,poe's 8,arthur ,gordon ,pym0 or ,reade's 8,foul ,play40 ,once he has read either of these1 you may depend upon it that 8,cut-,throat ,charley0 will never ring true4 ,when he takes up ,mr4 ,nicholas ,carter ,i suggest 8,the ,mystery of the ,rue ,morgue10 8,les ,misrables0 and 8,sherlock ,holmes10 and other detective stories of the better class4 ,my boy had been learning from other boys something of the exploits of ,jesse ,james and asked me if ,i would get the book4 ,i agreed to it1 readily4 ,somewhat to my surprise ,i found that since my time the list of ,james books had been increased to thirty-six4 ,thirty-five of these were 8pot-boilers02 8,jesse ,james' ,nemesis10 8,jesse ,james' ,revenge10 8,jesse ,james' ,long ,chance10 8,jesse ,james' ,mistake10 and so on4 ,i passed these over1 of course1 and invested fifteen cents in 8,the ,james ,boys1 ,jesse and ,frank10 which was the book ,i had read when ,i was a youngster4 ,it was a plain record of the men's exploits1 compiled from newspaper clippings of that period4 ,i explained to the boy that the others were largely imaginative--unreal4 ,we read the book together4 ,then we read the story of ,cole ,younger and his brothers and later that of the criminal career of ,harry ,tracy1 the infamous outlaw of the ,northwest4 ,together we enjoyed the romance1 such as there was1 of their exploits2 together we discussed the animal courage and moral cowardice of their careers2 and together we followed them to the punishment which they so richly deserved4 ,had my boy evinced a desire to read the remaining thirty-five ,james books1 ,i would not have restrained him1 farther than to suggest a change4 ,it so happened that when he had finished the three books mentioned he had had enough of these distinguished gentlemen and their ilk1 and began casting about in other directions4 ,so my message on the reading subject is1 don't think that the boy's craving for the nickel library is an indication of depravity1 or that indulgence in it will start him on the road to perdition4 ,the appetite for these books is a normal one4 ,it develops at a time when his appreciation of romance is in full bloom but while big words1 subtle phrasing and genuine ingenuity are not yet within his comprehension4 ,it demands quick action and quick results1 stripped of the artistic setting and higher polish which are demanded by the refinement of matured intellect4 ,do not regard this kind of reading as a menace to the boy's morals1 but as a stepping-stone to something better and more beneficial4 ,do not1 either by rule or ridicule1 drive the boy from his home to seek it1 but stay with him and guide him through it4 ,keep him well supplied with good books and good magazines that approach1 as nearly as you can judge1 the requirement of his fancy4 ,watch him1 but do not worry him4 ,have the better things at hand and accessible and point the way to them4 ,rest assured that in due time ,cut-,throat ,charley will have lost his charm1 and a hero more worthy of emulation will stand in his shoes4 ,,vi ,,the ,,sin ,,of ,,sex ,,secrecy ,let us suppose that our country has become involved in a war4 ,at the edge of your town a battle rages4 ,you can hear the roar of cannon and clash of steel as columns of men fall in their blood1 cut down by the flashing sabres and flying canister4 ,re-enforcements are hurrying to the scene4 ,up the street comes a regiment of soldiers with flags waving1 drums beating and arms gleaming in the sunshine4 ,your son1 your boy1 standing in the doorway1 laughs and cheers as they approach4 ,the band strikes up a lively air4 ,the boy beats time with his feet1 starts1 hesitates and then1 with a wave of his cap1 falls in line with the gay procession and marches joyously toward the scene of death and carnage4 ,madam1 at such a moment what would you do8 ,would you sit calmly at your window and see him go innocently1 blindly on to the danger that you knew lay just beyond the turn of the road8 ,would you not fly to his side and draw him back and hold him tight in your arms8 ,and if he were big and strong and insistent1 though still your boy1 would you not at least tell him that war is not all music and drum-beats and bright uniforms8 ,would you not warn him of its dangers1 of its horrors8 ,if he must go and you could not hold him1 would you let him go unwarned of its realities--and unarmed8 ,well1 there is a war in progress--in our country1 in your town2 a war more terrible1 more revolting than any chronicled in history4 ,the youth of ,america are marching toward the battleground1 and the splendid column is passing your window now1 to-day and every day4 ,perhaps you do not see the conflict yourself1 for the battlefield is always just around the corner4 ,as sure as you have a son1 just so sure will he some day turn that corner4 ,just so sure will he some day stand on your doorstep1 and feel the lure of the passing show1 and just so sure will he some time be drawn into the conflict1 when he will have to fight his way through as best he can4 ,at six he is in your arms2 at sixteen he will be on the firing-line2 at twenty-six the ordeal will have passed and the battle will have been lost or won4 ,can you then look backward into the past and feel that you had warned and fortified him8 ,i can4 ,whatever may be in store for my boy1 he goes to meet it with more than my prayers--he has1 also1 a full knowledge of life's mysteries4 ,he shares with me a thorough understanding of the evils that may beset him4 ,if my affectionate admonitions can help him1 he has them2 if my mistakes of the past serve as danger signals along his pathway1 he knows of them2 if my longer experience and broader knowledge of the world's ways can save him1 he shall escape the snares and pitfalls that await the heedless step of the untaught and untold young4 ,before he was seven ,i had told him whence we come4 ,scraps of conversation overheard on the street between his own playfellows warned me that the time had come and made my duty clear4 ,i saw the pity of it6 ,my boy1 whom ,i had taught to look trustfully to me for the truth at all times and about all things2 my boy hearing distorted and vulgarised bits of knowledge that should have come to him solemnly and sacredly from the parent whom he had learned to look upon as the fountainhead6 ,this is what ,i told him3 8,god made everything1 as you know4 ,he made the sea and the land1 the sky and the stars and the sun and the moon4 ,he makes the trees and the plants and the animals and the boys and the girls who grow to be men and women4 ,but when ,i say ,god makes these things ,i do not mean that ,he makes them with tools1 as you would make a playhouse1 or with ,his hands1 as you would make a snow-man4 ,he makes all of these things by a great plan which ,he has laid out and by which all things1 with ,his help1 spring up and grow1 over and over again1 so that the world may go on just as it is for years and years4 ,by this plan all living things come from a seed4 ,this seed is within all grown-up plants and grown-up animals4 ,when a new plant is needed1 a seed falls from the grown-up plant and falls into the soil1 where it sprouts and becomes a young plant4 ,every kind of animal is composed of two sexes1 the male sex and the female sex4 ,the fathers are of the male sex2 the mothers of the female sex4 ,as the seed of plants is within the flower1 so the seed of animals is within the mother animal4 ,when a new animal is needed the seed within the mother slowly grows into a young animal like the father or mother1 and while it is still very small it comes out into the light and sunshine2 and that is what we mean when we say it is born4 ,men and women are animals4 ,they are different from all other animals in that they can talk and think and are much higher and better in every way4 ,but the seed forms within the mother just as it does within the plants and birds and animals of all kinds4 ,and when another child is needed the seed begins to grow and takes the form of a little child and after awhile it comes into the world to be dressed and fed and cared for2 that is what we mean when we say that a babe has been born4 ,that is how you came into the world and how ,i came and how all of us came4 ,it is all a part of ,god's wonderful plan to keep the world growing greater and better and more beautiful4 ,it is not good for boys to talk about these beautiful things in a rough way1 and ,i hope you will not do so4 ,i tell them to you because ,i want you to know the truth4 ,if there is anything you do not understand1 ask me and ,i will explain it4 ,whatever you may hear1 no matter whether it is good or bad1 if you want to know the truth about it come to me and ,i will tell you40 ,that was all4 ,science in words of two syllables4 ,science is truth1 and truth is what your boy demands4 ,my boy took me at my word4 ,he came back for further enlightenment more than once4 ,but every time ,i answered him soberly1 freely and truthfully4 ,and when he knew everything he was immune to that contamination which mystery breeds4 ,and what is more1 the parent had measured up to the child's ideal4 ,the father was still the fountainhead2 and no boy will drink from the stagnant pool of vulgarity when the clear crystal water of truth is close at hand4 99 99 99 99 99 ,revealing the science of propagation to the child-boy is1 after all1 only the first step toward unfolding the many facts of sex--facts that are made mysteries through the inexcusable selfishness--or modesty1 if you prefer to call it that--of mothers and fathers4 ,if sealing the secrets of sex is an injustice to the boy of six1 it is a scarlet sin against the youth of sixteen4 ,at six he is looking at life curiously from the family dooryard--within the mother's call2 but at sixteen or soon thereafter1 he strides out into the street1 marches down the highway and turns the corner4 ,he is on the firing-line4 ,now comes a crisis in the boy's life so acute1 so grave that ,i approach the subject with trepidation4 ,my poor pen1 tempered by that delicacy demanded of printed words1 seems incapable of the task before me4 ,and ,i approach it also with reverence because ,i look upon it as an almost divine privilege to be permitted to discuss with an army of mothers a problem which ,i regard as the great tragedy of ,american youth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,nature is good1 ,nature is provident1 but above all ,nature is self-preservative4 ,go to your naturalists1 your entomologists1 and they will all tell you that the law of perpetuation is first and foremost among all living things4 ,man is no exception4 ,your boy1 just coming into his maturity1 is in this respect like unto all other growing things that ,god has made4 ,as he ripens toward manhood this instinct becomes more manifest within him4 ,vaguely1 perhaps1 he recognises its import1 but in the main it is a mystery4 ,in a general way he may reason out its purpose2 but how can he know its humanised limitations8 ,how can he know that the refining process of civilisation has demanded a check upon the exercise of ,nature's functions8 ,and--here is the vital issue--how shall he know of the dread penalties ,nature sometimes exacts when these restraints are violated8 ,why is it that the loving father and mother1 who labour with him and watch over him and shield him through childhood1 decline to raise a finger of warning against the grim spectre of disease that stalks behind the painted faces of the underworld8 ,must it be written1 to the shame of human parenthood1 that the very horror of this evil stays the warning hand8 ,or does the mother fall into that too common error of thinking that this evil of evils is open to every boy but her own8 ,then listen to this1 which ,i quote from an eminent authority3 8,take a group of one hundred young men--those from eighteen to twenty-five years of age--and seventy-five of these will be found to be suffering either from the effects of venereal diseases or still in an acute stage of one of them40 ,mothers1 let not your eyes be blinded to a condition that medical records have proven to be a fact4 ,it may be your boy and it may be mine4 ,the chances of its being mine are reduced to the minimum--because my boy will know4 ,the revelation1 as ,i make it1 is so simple and yet so complete1 that it could be accomplished with equal ease by mother or father4 ,when he is about sixteen ,i place in his hand a book that tells him all1 and ,i say to him3 8,my boy1 when you are alone1 read this4#a ,there are truths in it which you should know40 ,from that hour the 8great social peril0 must fight my son in the open4 ,he knows all that science can teach--all that parents can tell4 #a ,there are several good books designed for this purpose4 8,confidential ,chats with ,boys10 and 8,plain ,facts on ,sex ,hygiene10 are two in a series on this subject by ,wm4 ,lee ,howard1 ,m4,d41 and published by ,e4 ,j4 ,clode1 #aef ,fifth ,avenue1 ,new ,york4 ,i am going to say now what ,i should have said at the outset--that the father1 though he may leave every other phase of the boy's development to the mother1 should take the initiative in sex enlightenment4 ,he should regard it as his peculiar right1 his sacred privilege1 to point out the devious paths through which he himself may have threaded his way from youth to man's estate4 ,there are no barriers between me and my boy4 ,the oneness of affection and the sameness of sex easily compass the disparity in years4 ,he grows older but ,i do not1 for ,i am waiting for him4 ,in fact ,i am going back to him--,i am meeting him halfway4 ,our play is as boy with boy4 ,our talks are as man to man4 ,in a relationship like this there are no 8sex secrets40 ,there is no ice to break1 because the transmission of knowledge is consistent1 gradual and unconscious4 ,but when the father fails in his duty and the mother has to step into the breach1 it is different1 ,i concede4 ,there is a certain reserve which is womanly1 and perhaps not unmotherly4 ,still1 mother's love is a poor thing if it cannot break down that slender wall to save the boy4 ,and mother's love is not a poor thing1 but a great power4 ,so if mothers can only be made to see why it must be done1 and when and how1 ,i believe they will do it4 ,this is an appeal not to parental love only1 but to parental reason4 ,it is made not by a purist1 but by one who has travelled the road by which all boys must go1 and who knows its every crook and turn4 ,it is a plea in behalf of the ,american boy1 who asks only that he be given a torch to light his way4 ,,vii ,,the ,,weed ,,and ,,the ,,winecup ,in the past fiscal year there were smoked in the ,united ,states nearly two million cigarettes more than in any previous year of the nation's history2 and the consumption of distilled spirits1 exclusive of wines and beers1 broke the record of the preceding year by twenty-three million gallons4 ,now1 there is nothing particularly remarkable about these figures except as they signify that we1 as a nation1 are smoking and drinking considerably more than we used to1 which in turn suggests the question3 ,to what extent are our boys responsible for the increase8 ,i'm sure ,i don't know1 and ,i can't see any way of finding out4 ,but ,i do know1 from daily observation1 that the tobacco and strong drink habits are formed in boyhood more commonly than there is any need of4 ,i do know that a great many young men acquire a taste for cigarettes and whiskey while yet in their teens1 purely through lack of the proper parental influence and instruction4 ,to me this seems pitiable1 especially because it is so obviously unnecessary4 ,the parents' duty is clear4 ,it is amenable to a hard and fast rule to which there need be no exception1 from which there should be no deviation4 ,the boy should be made to abstain from liquor and tobacco until he is twenty-one4 ,how can you keep him from them8 ,facts1 logic1 reason4 ,by these means and only these1 can you get the boy on the right track and be sure that he will stick4 ,threats1 coercion1 exaggerations1 bribes or pleadings will accomplish nothing dependable4 ,at this stage in his career you can tell him what to do1 but you must also tell him why4 ,a lady once said to me3 8,you believe that the parent should live according to the principle he teaches the child4 ,then1 how can you deny your son tobacco1 with a lighted cigar between your lips80 ,the answer to this brings us to the nib of the tobacco question4 ,the child is put to bed at seven o'clock1 although the parents may not retire until eleven4 ,the child takes milk at breakfast and the parents may have coffee4 ,the father may devote ten hours of the day to work1 but this would not be well for the child4 ,many things that the man may do with impunity are not good for the growing boy4 ,this is exactly what ,i tell my boy1 and he sees the logic of it3 ,while a boy is growing he should take nothing into his system that is not nutritious and he should particularly abstain from anything that may retard the development of his bodily organs1 even in the slightest degree4 ,every pulsation of the heart1 every expansion of the lung cells1 every function of the nerves must do its work unimpeded while the frame is lengthening and broadening into the proportions of a man4 ,once the frame is completely developed the organs merely have to renew the old tissues4 ,but during the growing period they have not only to renew the old but to create additional flesh1 blood and bone to meet the demands of the increasing bulk4 ,there are two chemicals in tobacco1 pyridine and nicotine1 that have a restraining effect upon the heart1 lungs and nerves4 ,if you give them the additional burden of carrying off these two poisonous chemicals1 the building up of the tissues is sure to suffer4 ,if you do not feel bad results from it in youth1 you will certainly feel them in later years4 ,said my boy to me3 8,i know a chap who smokes cigarettes2 and he does a hundred yards in eleven seconds40 8,that's too bad10 said ,i1 8for just so sure as he does it in eleven seconds with the cigarette handicap1 he could do it in ten and a half without it4 ,and if this boy is running for an organised athletic department like that of a college or an established club1 the training rules will forbid him the use of tobacco for a certain period before the day of the contests4 ,ask any athletic coach about tobacco and he will tell you to #8cut it out4' ,ask any physician about it--even one who is himself a smoker--and he will tell you that no matter how strong and well a growing youth who smokes may be1 he would be a good degree stronger and better if he did not use tobacco4 ,you would like to arrive at manhood1 as nearly physically perfect as you can1 wouldn't you8 ,you have not as yet acquired a taste for tobacco1 have you8 ,well1 then1 do you not see that by abstaining from it you have something to gain and absolutely nothing to lose8 ,let tobacco alone until you are twenty-one4 ,i might better say twenty-five1 for that is the accepted age of maturity4 ,but we will put it at twenty-one and perhaps by that time you will add a few years' more abstinence of your own volition40 ,mothers1 do not go beyond facts in pleading against the cigarette4 ,do not tell your boy that cigarettes contain opiates1 because they do not4 ,i have been through dozens of cigarette factories and have followed the process of manufacture from the raw leaf to the finished article4 ,the better grades contain absolutely nothing but pure tobacco of the mildest kind4 ,in the cheaper grades a little harmless glycerine is sometimes used to relieve the harsh taste of the tobacco4 ,no harmful drugs are employed4 ,the paper wrappers are purer and less irritating than the tobacco4 ,cigarette paper is the purest paper manufactured4 ,the danger of the cigarette is1 first1 that its cheapness appeals to the boy who would not think of buying cigars2 and second1 its very mildness encourages the young man to increase his smoking until he drifts into excessiveness without knowing it4 ,consumed in moderation1 it is the least harmful form in which tobacco is used4 ,but cigarettes or cigars1 or tobaccos in any shape whatever1 are not good for the growing boy4 ,mothers1 this is the truth about tobacco1 and this is what you should tell your boy4 ,do not say that cigarette smoking leads to the penitentiary or the madhouse1 because it doesn't1 and the boy knows better4 ,the principal of my boy's school walks by every day with a cigar in his mouth4 ,he is near seventy and a good citizen4 ,do not say tobacco creates an appetite for strong drink1 because it is not true1 and the boy will not believe it4 ,do not say that smoking wrecks the nervous system1 because in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it does nothing of the sort1 and the boy1 who is constantly observing the man1 will not be convinced4 ,tell him the plain truth as ,i have written it1 and he will see the consistency of your reasoning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,strong drink is no relative of tobacco4 ,the only similitude between the subjects is that they are both unnecessaries1 if ,i may coin the word1 to the boy's career4 ,i have little to say about strong drink1 because1 while it is a matter of vital importance to the boy1 it is a problem which our mothers appear to have pretty well in hand4 ,the great majority1 ,i believe1 proceed on the theory that alcohol is not good for anybody1 is ruinous to many1 and1 therefore1 should be kept out of the home and away from the boy4 ,there are a minority1 however1 who reason differently--thuswise3 ,that drink is not harmful except to those who make it so by excessive use2 that the boy who is carefully guarded against it in the home will the easier fall a victim to it when he gets beyond the home influence and the home restraint2 and1 per contra1 that the boy who is permitted to become familiar with the use of it moderately in the home1 will acquire temperance at the same time and be the better fitted to combat with its attending evils when he eventually goes out into the world4 ,to the majority first mentioned ,i have but this to say3 ,go on2 you are doing well4 ,but to this minority ,i want to say3 ,stop6 ,for the love of the ,god who made you1 stop6 ,you are on the wrong track4 ,and ,i'll tell you why4 ,if alcoholism were only a habit1 like the use of tobacco1 there might be a thread of practicability in your line of reasoning4 ,but alcoholism is more than a habit--it is a disease4 ,there are alcoholic wards in the hospitals1 there are sanitariums devoted exclusively to persons afflicted with it1 there are physicians who specialise in the treatment of it4 ,some people are immune to it2 others are not4 ,i am1 it so happens1 and perhaps you are--but is your boy8 ,science has lately ascertained that none are born consumptives4 ,some may be born with a tendency for the disease1 or they may be born without that tendency and subsequently acquire the disease4 ,the same is true of alcohol4 ,i have no reason to believe that my boy would be particularly susceptible to tuberculosis4 ,nevertheless1 ,i do not propose to expose him to it4 ,his window is kept open while he sleeps1 he is encouraged to spend much time out of doors1 he is given breathing exercises daily1 he is taught to take precautions against infection when near any one afflicted with the disease4 ,nor have ,i any grounds for believing that my boy has inherited the condition that develops alcoholism4 ,looking back into his ancestry1 ,i find some non-abstainers but no drunkards4 ,i1 his father1 am absolutely immune to it4 ,neither a total abstainer nor1 in my youth1 even a temperatist1 ,i have walked arm in arm with it1 but found nothing to attract or allure4 ,but does this justify me in deliberately exposing my boy to it8 ,i do not know how he is equipped for it and there is no way of ascertaining4 ,you can take your boy to the doctor and he will tell you whether or not his condition is favourable to consumption4 ,but alcoholism is more insidious4 ,physicians can diagnose it but they cannot foretell or forestall it4 ,there are some sanitariums for alcoholism1 but there are no preventoriums4 8,but10 ,i am told1 8if it is in him it will come out sometime4 ,might it not better show itself under the watchful eye of the parents1 rather than after the boy has gone out from the home80 ,if it is in the boy1 then every year that will put breadth to his shoulders1 brawn on his arm1 pride in his heart1 judgment into his head and force into his character1 makes him better able to cope with the disease4 ,no1 no1 a thousand times no6 ,do not have on your soul the guilt of giving your boy his first taste of wine4 ,we must consider latent alcoholism as a possibility in bringing up our boys4 ,remember1 alcoholism is not a habit only1 but also a disease4 ,it is much more prevalent than smallpox1 but for alcoholism there is no vaccine2 science offers no preventive serum4 ,it is your sacred duty1 then1 to prevent the contact1 to keep out the contagion until your son has his full growth and strength1 and it is your duty to tell him the situation as ,i have outlined it1 so that he may know the real danger of rum4 ,then1 if the tendency is not in him1 nothing has been lost1 and if it is in him1 you have brought him to man's estate well equipped to give the evil a fair fight for supremacy4 ,,viii ,,out ,,into ,,the ,,world ,a young man of my acquaintance1 who had just finished his schooling1 came to his father one morning1 flushed with pride1 and holding an open letter in his hand4 8,father10 he said1 8,i've got a situation1 and the man says ,i may start to work in the morning40 ,the father took the letter and read it4 8,do you know all about this man80 he asked4 8,do ,i know him8 ,why1 no2 ,i don't know him at all4 ,but he knows all about me4 ,he looked up all my references40 8,of course he did10 replied the father1 putting the letter into his pocket2 8and before you go to work for him ,i'm going to look up his40 ,it was a homely1 up-state father who said that1 but he was a wise and a good man and ,i revere him4 ,he was a father who knew the boy from the skin in4 ,he knew that the boy's first employer is1 in the boy's eyes1 the greatest man in the world4 ,he perceived that his son1 who for twenty years had looked upon him1 the father1 as the man of men1 was about to have set before him a new pattern1 a new ideal4 ,and out of his heart came the question3 8,what is this man like80 ,it is a fine thing to know that you have brought your boy through that plastic period between his cradle-hood and his majority1 and to know when he comes of age that he is clean and straight and true4 ,it must be gratifying indeed1 when the last text-book is closed and laid away1 to see him start into the world1 a man grown1 with keen aspirations and high ideals1 ready and eager to grapple with the world on his own account1 and capable of taking care of himself with his own hands4 ,if you have brought him through safely to this momentous hour1 you have done much4 ,but is your task quite ended8 ,does your responsibility stop here8 ,that up-state father whom ,i have just referred to thought that it did not2 and ,i agree with him4 ,i believe that the father and mother yet have that one last touch to give to the character they have helped to form4 ,i believe it is their duty to see1 not that the boy has a good situation1 but that he starts under a good man4 ,naturally1 the employer1 in most cases1 is a man who has met with some success in his business or his profession4 ,he sits apart from his subordinates4 ,however much they may use their ingenuity1 it is he who shapes the policy of the business and dominates the concern4 ,every one about him defers to him4 ,everything that is done is subject to his approval4 ,he is1 in fine1 the head and front of the entire establishment4 ,there are clerks and salesmen and accountants and confidential advisers in the place1 some with long experience and grey hairs1 but none are as great as he1 and all look up to the place he occupies as a position worthy of aspiring to4 ,the youth enters the employ of this man fresh from school or college4 ,here he gets his first insight of the career he intends to follow4 ,if the employer is a good man1 a man of high principles1 all is well4 ,but if he is a man of sharp practices1 the boy is in danger4 ,having no other standard of comparison in business life1 he may fall into the error of accepting his employer as a true type of the successful man4 ,he has come to this place in a receptive frame of mind4 ,here the foundation of his chosen career is to be laid4 ,is it not probable that he will absorb something of the morals of his superior1 even though they may not agree with the higher ideals raised in the home8 ,when the boy first strikes out he is1 after all1 only a fledgling4 ,the family nest has been feathered with love and care and kindness and protecting influences4 ,you have told him of the outside world and you have tried to give him a clear vision4 ,but there are some things about flying alone that only experience can teach4 ,you cannot always extend the home atmosphere beyond the home1 but you can do something akin to it4 ,you can make it your business to see that his first glimpse into the new life reveals nothing contrary to the morals of the home4 ,you can see to it that his first employer is the kind of man you would be satisfied to have your son emulate4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the selection of the boy's calling it is admitted1 of course1 that the boy himself is1 in a large measure1 the best judge4 ,the vocation that he inclines to most strongly is likely to be the one for which he is best fitted4 ,i think1 however1 that this rule is made too elastic at times4 ,a young man of my acquaintance thought that the stage was his calling4 ,the father1 telling me of it in confidence1 said that in his1 the father's opinion1 the boy was best suited to the law1 but added that he would say nothing1 believing it to be a matter for the young man to decide alone4 ,the young man had an exceptionally good memory1 a fine speaking voice and the gift of oratory in a remarkable degree4 ,he was much of a student1 prepossessing in appearance and magnetic in personality4 ,that was ten years ago and the young man has never risen above mediocrity--and he never will4 ,he lacked one essential to the drama--imagination4 ,the truth is that he should have gone into the law4 ,he saw the mistake in course of time1 and told me so1 but it was too late4 ,time had elapsed and he could not turn back4 ,the boy is not always a good self-analyst4 ,he is too prone to measure his talents perfunctorily4 ,it does not follow that your son's calling is art because he can chalk a caricature on the wall2 that he should be a poet because he can dash off a sentiment in rhyme2 that he is suited to the clergy because he is of a pious turn of mind4 ,it does not always follow that the thing he does the most easily he can do the best4 ,this is the mistake that parents must guard against when the time comes for choosing a profession for the boy4 ,they have studied the boy from infancy1 while he has studied himself but little1 and that with an immatured mind4 ,is it unlikely1 then1 that the parents often know his latent capabilities better than he himself knows them8 ,it goes without saying that the son shall not be driven by parental authority into a profession that is distasteful to him2 but ,i think in most cases the parents can aid the boy in finding the true thread of his bent4 ,with no attempt at coercion they can help him to accurately analyse those natural leanings which1 in the embryo1 are many times conflicting and misleading4 ,it appears to me that the counsel of the parents is needed at this time no less than at any other period in the boy's life4 99 99 99 99 99 ,having seen the boy well reared and started in the career for which he is best equipped1 and under the direction of a superior whose influence will be uplifting1 ,i think the parents may rest in that peace and tranquillity of mind that comes with the consciousness of a duty well done4 ,they may now sit quietly by and watch while the boy works4 ,i would caution them against expecting too much of him4 ,of the million-and-a-half of ,american boys born every year1 all cannot be famous--all cannot be rich4 ,only a few can be ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,but all can be good citizens1 and that is the kind of material that the country needs4 ,we have plenty of great men1 and too many very rich men4 ,a great man is merely a good man picked haphazard from thousands of others just as good--picked by ,opportunity whenever the occasion demands4 ,a rich man is one who has more money than he needs4 ,either of these1 beyond a certain stage of self-progress1 is a child of chance4 ,what you have a right to expect from your son1 if you have trained him conscientiously1 is success4 ,i do not mean the success that is measured by the dollar sign1 or by the size of the type in which the newspapers print his name4 ,the successful man1 in the true sense of the word1 is the law-abiding citizen who gives unto the world enough of his brain and brawn to pay the way of himself and his family through it4 ,i believe there is the making of such a man in every healthy boy that is born into the civilised world4 ,i believe that every healthy boy is brought into the world a good boy4 ,if one of these develops into a bad boy it is because he is made to2 not affirmatively1 but negatively--through the want of proper training4 ,all the boy needs is to be treated as a boy4 ,he is not a god1 to be worshipped1 or a girl1 to be coddled1 or a dog1 to be driven4 ,the boy that ,i know is a sturdy little human being1 distinctly masculine in gender1 with a desire to be doing something and a want of direction2 in fine1 an embryotic man4 ,give him the light1 tell him the truth1 show him the way4 ,do this consistently1 conscientiously1 and he will measure up to the highest standard of good citizenship4 ,more than this ,i do not ask of my boy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes3 --,text in italics is enclosed by underscores 7italics74 --,punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected4 --,archaic and variable spelling has been preserved4