,illustration3 ,your friend and brother ,sportsman ,rob ,b ,roosevelt ,,five ,,acres ,,too ,,much4 ,a ,,truthful ,,elucidation ,,of ,the ,attractions of the ,country1 ,,and ,a ,,careful ,,consideration ,,of ,,the ,question of ,profit and ,loss as involved in ,amateur ,farming1 ,,with ,,much ,,valuable ,,advice ,,and ,,instruction ,,to ,,those ,,about ,,purchasing ,,large ,,or ,,small ,,places ,,in ,,the ,,rural ,,districts4 ,,new ,,and ,,enlarged ,,edition4 ,,by ,,robert ,,barnwell ,,roosevelt1 ,,author ,,of 8,,game ,,fish ,,of ,,north ,,america10 8,,superior ,,fishing10 8,,florida ,,and ,,the ,,game ,,water ,,birds10 8,,progressive ,,petticoats10 8,,fish ,,hatching ,,and ,,fish ,,catching10 ,,etc4 ,,new ,,york3 ,o4 ,,judd ,,co4 ,,david ,w4 ,,judd1 ,,pres4 #gea ,,broadway4 #ahhe4 ,entered1 according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahhe1 by the ,o4 ,,judd ,,company1 ,in the ,office of the ,librarian of ,congress at ,washington4 ,,to ,,the ,,writers ,,of ,,books ,,on ,,farming1 ,,gardening1 ,,horticulture1 ,,agriculture1 ,,and ,,floriculture1 ,,this ,,work ,,is ,,respectfully ,,dedicated1 ,,as ,,an ,,evidence ,,of ,,what ,,can ,,be ,,done ,,and ,,what ,,wonderful ,,results ,,can ,,be ,,produced ,,by ,a ,,careful ,,study ,,of ,,their ,,directions ,,and ,,strict ,,obedience ,,to ,,their ,,rules2 ,,and ,,as ,a ,,slight ,,testimonial ,,to ,,the ,,accuracy1 ,,lucidity1 ,,and ,,practicability ,,of ,,the ,,advice ,,which ,,they ,,give ,,and ,,the ,,experiences ,,they ,,describe2 ,,in ,,the ,,sincere ,,hope ,,that ,,they ,,will ,,never ,,weary ,,of ,,composing ,,books ,,equally ,,truthful1 ,,trustworthy1 ,,and ,,interesting4 ,,the ,,author4 ,,contents4 ,,introduction4 ,apotheosis of the ,country1 especially of such ,portions of the ,country as the ,author has for sale4--,many ,attractions and still more ,lots at ,flushing4--,simplicity of ,farming1 and ,lucidity of ,agricultural ,books4--,profits and ,pleasures of ,rural ,life44444,page ix ,,chapter ,i4 ,a ,,cow4 ,special ,points about the ,bovine ,race4--,directions in ,feeding4--,preparations to receive the ,animal4--,her ,arrival4--,an awful ,pause4--,the ,fray about to begin4--,intelligence of ,cows and ,biddies4--,victory4--,a ,calm4--,cow ,complainings4--,approaching ,storm4--,a ,tempest in a back ,yard4--,soothing ,effects of 8,mash40--,immense ,profits and glorious ,prospects for the ,future4--,peculiarities and ,eccentricities of the ,race as exhibited in a confined ,space4--,she is sent to the ,country for the benefit of her ,health44444#ai ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,a ,,house1 ,,plans1 ,,and ,,specifications4 ,wonderful architectural ,genius of the ,author4--,he admires himself and consults his ,friends4--,difficulties in obtaining 8just the ,thing40--,want of ,time4--,free ,trade in ,houses advocated as superior to ,home ,production4--,the imported ,article falls into the ,hands of a ,philistine named ,barney4--,a fresh ,arrival4--,the ,house comes1 but the ,builder does not4--,the ,charge of the ,light ,brigade1 and ,flight of the ,housekeeper44444#cg ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,more ,,live-,,stock--,a ,,horse ,,and ,a ,,pig4 ,,which ,,is ,,the ,,nobler ,,animal8 ,beauties of the ,pig4--,defects of the ,horse4--,the dearest ,pig and the dearest ,horse1 each in their way4--,a haunted ,house1 and the ,effect of ,ghosts on ,horses4--,the ,ghost ,story precisely as it occurred4--,are ,ghosts liable to ,damages when they frighten ,horses into fits of running away8--,equine ,eccentricities4--,practical ,playfulness44444#fa ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,country1 ,,and ,,how ,,to ,,get ,,there4 ,easy ,accessibility of ,flushing4--,an improving ,railroad4--,education by ,steam4--,true ,principles of ,travel44444#gg ,,chapter ,v4 ,a ,,well4 ,a ,well1 considered classically and otherwise4--,a ,cat in search of the ,truth4--,a ,catastrophe4--,pumps and ,vanities of ,life4--,a poor ,sucker4--,hydraulic ,pressure44444#hf ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,a ,,kitchen ,,garden4 ,advantages thereof4--,things to have4--,you wish you may get them4--,ornamental as opposed to practical ,views4--,a dissolving ,view4--,bad ,beginnings do not always make a good ,ending4--,daniel ,o',rourke's as a grazing ,crop4--,the new-mown ,hay4--,its ,flavor and ,flower4--,remarkable ,results of ,gardening for ,profit44444#ig ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,flower ,,garden4 ,architectural ,skill set at defiance by practical ,difficulties4--,result of too much ,greenness4--,a ,disappointment44444#aaa ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,poultry4 ,strange ,attack of ,somnolency4--,dogs and ,peppers as awakeners4--,the right ,thing in the wrong ,place4--,a ,hen lays herself out4--,twenty pair of ,chickens raise the ,hair of one ,mink44444#abd ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,fall ,,work4 ,a ,fortune in ,strawberries4--,how to get it out4--,debility developed4--,science to the ,rescue4--,the wonderful ,effects of a ,liquid ,fertilizer4--,no ,farmer should fail to have such a ,thing in the ,house44444#acf ,,chapter ,x4 ,,profit ,,and ,,loss4 ,immense pecuniary ,advantages of high old ,farming4--,exactitude the ,foundation of ,success in ,life4--,a plain ,statement4--,general ,reflections4--,an amateur ,butcher4--,boiled salt ,pork44444#adh ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,the ,,flushing ,,skating-,,pond--,a ,,digression4 ,a nice ,man as an ,ice-man44444#afa ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,second ,,year4 ,a new ,start1 with no ,drawbacks4--,immense ,results1 but not precisely what was wanted4--,the great ,pea turns out small4--,wonderful obstinacy of ,plants44444#afi ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,science4 ,knowledge is ,power4--,the new ,flower4--,a ,thing of ,beauty4--,appearance contrasted with ,perfume4--,the ,fox is the ,finder44444#agi ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,a ,,second ,,digression--,,fairy ,,tales ,,for ,,little ,,folks4 ,retributive ,justice4--,don't be such a ,goose44444#ahi ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,nuisances1 ,,inhuman ,,and ,,human4 ,,pets--,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,country ,,life4 ,with a few ,reservations4--,flies on the ,rampage4--,wonderful ,discovery4--,dogs on ,seedlings4--,a ,hop-toad ,hunt44444#bjc ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,butter-,,making4 ,,seeds ,,and ,,the ,,devil4 ,butter-making in all its ,attractions4--,the ,cream unequal to the ,emergency4--,some ,things can't be ,done as well as ,others4--,electrical ,phenomena4--,gathering ,seed4--,incidental ,reference to ,satan and his ,works4--not his agricultural ones44444#baf ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,success ,,of ,,the ,,year4 ,a second ,year's ,balance-sheet4--,still greater ,promises4--,success assured4--,every ,man should be his own ,market ,gardener4--,no dearth of ,onions4--,transported at the ,result4--,the last of the family ,horse4--,he closes his ,career by a wonderful ,feat in drawing ,teeth ,page444444#bcc ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,preparations ,,for ,,removal4 ,the ,window ,garden4--,warm ,work4--,immense ,resources of ,science4--,mind against ,matter4--,what can the ,matter be8--,the new ,flower444444#bec ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,a ,,great ,,runner4 ,a perfect ,jonah4--,very fine1 only don't do it again4--,a ,gourd runs away with its ,master4--,a changeable ,crimson4--,a new ,specimen of ,flax1 ,red one ,year and ,yellow the next444444#bff ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,a ,,beautiful ,,new ,,coach4 ,a ,rockaway stricken with ,palsy4--,sudden ,recovery4--,honesty of country ,mechanics their best ,recommendation4--,a ,roof over one's ,head4--,its ,necessity1 as well as ,beauty4--,a ,fellow-feeling makes us willing to lend ,shingles4--,the latter ,end444444#bhc ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,three ,,hundred ,,acres ,,not ,,enough4 ,new ,farms4--,more ,land4--,no ,rooms for ,mushrooms4--,many ,sects of ,insects4--,the ,squash4--,unexpected ,fungi4--,the ,triumph that ,grazed ,defeat4--,the ,joys of ,memory444444#big ,,introduction4 ,it was in consequence of reading a little volume called 8,ten ,acres ,enough0--a practical and statistical1 as well as1 in certain points1 a poetical production--that ,i came to prepare this volume4 ,in that work a charming and interesting account is given of the successful attempt of a ,philadelphia mechanic to redeem a strip of exhausted land of ten acres in extent4 ,in the course of it1 a vast deal of advice and most valuable directions are given on the subject of planting and sowing1 draining and reaping1 manuring and pruning2 berries and fruits1 vines and vegetables1 are duly considered2 and the question of outlay and income1 expenses and receipts1 losses and profits1 is forever ding-donged into one's ears4 ,so useful is the instruction it contains1 that no one should think of buying a farm1 experimenting in rural life1 or even reading this book1 without first perusing that one4 ,to be sure1 the author forgets occasionally some minor matters--such as clothing1 food1 and the like1 leaving his family naked and unfed for several years--but that is doubtless due to his poetical temperament and intense love of nature4 ,in the same spirit1 therefore1 no matter how frequently ,i may refer to money matters in the course of the following pages1 even if ,i should occasionally condescend to speak of food and raiment--those commonplace necessities--it must be understood to be with no sordid view2 and if ,i keep these matters before the reader's attention1 it will be for the sole purpose of benefiting and enlightening him1 and pointing out clearly the financial consequence of investing in rural residences4 ,the country--how beautiful it is6 ,to a man wearied with the cares of city life2 who has pursued an exhausting profession for several years with vigorous energy2 who has taken a hand in politics1 attended caucuses and ,conventions1 and helped to 8run the machine20 who has a philanthropic turn of mind1 and gone on committees and made public collections2 and who1 moreover1 has abundant means--this1 though last1 is by no means least--the country1 with its green leaves1 its lovely flowers1 its waving grass1 its early vegetables1 and its luscious fruits1 is most attractive2 and where a residence can be obtained which combines all these luxuries with pure air1 and no chills and fever1 and which is not too remote from city life and its attractions1 it is as near to ,paradise as this world permits4 ,there are many such places near ,new ,york4 ,gorgeous villas dot the banks of the ,hudson1 and congregate together thickly on ,staten ,island2 there are beautiful spots along the coves of ,westchester ,county1 and persons who do not mind expatriating themselves go to ,jersey2 but there is one locality that far surpasses all others4 ,the steep banks of the ,hudson1 cut off as they are from the westerly winds by the ,palisades and higher hills beyond them1 are uncomfortably hot2 ,staten ,island is overrun by sourkrout-eating1 lager-beer-drinking1 and small-bird-shooting ,germans1 who trespass with ,teutonic determination wherever their notions of sportsmanship or the influence of lager leads them2 ,westchester ,county1 like some of our famous prima donnas1 is fair to look upon1 but great on shakes--too much so for perfect repose2 and ,jersey will be a pleasant place to live in when the inhabitants1 individually and as a government1 cease to live off strangers4 ,the locality referred to--the chosen spot of this earth--the ,eden of a country village--has none of these drawbacks4 ,an invigorating breeze blows over pure salt marshes2 ,germans do not trespass nor make one afraid2 no man residing there has ever had a case of chills and fever1 no matter what may have happened to his neighbor1 where the boys are forever out o' nights and exposed to the dew2 and the inhabitants are always ready to kindly take a stranger in4 ,it is a village1 and yet country houses stand embosomed in majestic trees2 cows pasture in the vacant lots and bellow in the streets2 nurseries for the propagation of trees and shrubs give a condensed edition of miniature forests1 and furnish in one rod the flowers that ,nature1 if left alone to her parsimonious way1 would scatter over an acre2 gas is in the residences1 pigs root in the public roads1 and early peas are combined with plank side-walks4 ,this unequaled concentration of attractions can be reached in thirty minutes from either the upper or lower part of the city--of course ,new ,york city is meant1 as no one need leave ,philadelphia or ,boston to get into the country--and by a most delightful route1 partly on water and partly by railroad4 ,the trains run every hour all through the day1 and the line is the safest in the world4 ,this spot1 so desirable1 so infinitely superior to all others1 is ,flushing1 ,long ,island4 ,i have some property at ,flushing which ,i should like to sell in lots to suit purchasers2 in fact1 it is five acres of such lots--the five acres that this book is all about4 ,i owned this superior investment when 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 led me to thinking that if the author could make such a delicious thing of a plot of sand in ,new ,jersey1 as much could probably be done with half the area in the fine soil of ,flushing4 ,unfortunately1 my land had no improvements1 but then it was a magnificent level square1 precisely like a block in the city1 and admirably adapted to building4 ,otherwise my five acres were full as good as the half of his ten acres2 the grass seemed to be abundant1 for the cows of the entire neighborhood had grazed on it from time immemorial2 a previous owner had been once known to plant cabbages1 and the tradition is that they grew and came out cabbages1 and did not1 as they usually do1 spread themselves and become very fine but rather loose leaves4 ,the soil was deep1 a well having been sunk on the adjoining property without descending beyond it1 or reaching any water worth speaking of2 and the exposure was as sunny as could be desired--there being only six trees1 and one of those in doubtful health1 on the entire five acres4 ,teachers generally say1 on receiving a new pupil from another master1 that there is more trouble to unlearn than to learn2 here there was nothing to be undone--everything was to be done4 ,it was not exactly a virgin soil1 but1 like a lovely widow1 it had lain fallow--a friendly farmer made use of that word--so long1 that it would be grateful for the touch of a rake or a hoe4 ,there was no garden1 no fence1 no orchard1 and no fruit-trees of any kind except one apple-tree1 but then the nurseries and a little labor would make this right4 ,an unpleasant suspicion crossed my mind that perhaps it would have been better if some of these things had been done to my hand1 and that possibly ,i was not exactly the man to do them in the best way2 but a second perusal of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 was enough for me1 and these absurd doubts were banished forever4 ,if an uneducated mechanic could leave ,philadelphia1 rescue a decaying farm1 and make it splendidly remunerative1 why could not an educated lawyer from ,new ,york convert an uninjured farm into the eighth or ninth--we ,americans have added a few to them--wonder of the world8 ,the affair was as simple as could be4 ,with a class-book of botany1 a recipe from ,professor ,mapes1 a few cuttings of some wonderful new berry--of which1 doubtless1 there were plenty1 and ,bridgman's 8,gardener's ,assistant10 the result was certain4 ,it was merely a question of seeds1 weeds1 and manure--the first and last to be encouraged1 and the other to be eradicated4 ,after all1 what is the wonderful science in farming8 ,you put a seed in the ground1 and it comes up--that is1 if it does come up--either a pea or a bean1 a carrot or a turnip1 and1 with your best skill and greatest learning1 you can not plant a pea and induce it to come up a bean1 or convert a carrot into a turnip4 ,as for planting1 any fool can do that1 and as for making it grow1 the wisest man in the land can not effect it4 ,these and a few other similar arguments were entirely conclusive1 and soon visions of the accomplished fact engrossed my mind4 ,i should have a neat1 modest1 small1 but cosy little house2 square1 for economy's sake1 but surrounded on all sides by a deep piazza2 the garden should be filled with delicious vegetables1 fruits1 and berries1 the earliest and best of their kinds2 there should be a magnificent bed of asparagus--that king of the kitchen garden--a dozen long rows of strawberries1 with fruit as luscious as a young girl's lips2 ,bartlett pears1 early peas1 peaches and cream--the latter only indirectly vegetable--cauliflowers1 tomatoes1 mushrooms1 lettuce--every thing1 in fact1 that a gentleman eats when he can get it1 and nothing that he eschews when he can do no better4 ,the residue of the farm was to be partly orchard and partly market garden1 and this was to supply the family during the winter and pay the expenses of the household4 ,it is an immense satisfaction1 of a hot evening in summer1 even in the prematurely scorching days of ,june1 to leave the city1 after a long day of labor and trouble1 and1 rushing away with railroad speed into the country1 to enjoy the delicious air and cool breeze1 to sit beneath the outspreading trees1 to wander through the woods1 to bathe in the brook1 to doze or smoke in the shade4 ,the scent of the blossoms or the hay1 or no smell at all1 is such an exquisite relief from the customary odors of ,new ,york streets4 ,the sun seems to lose half and the air to gain double its ordinary power4 ,the pleasures are so innocent1 the matters of interest so pure1 the mind is braced but not wearied4 ,the garden1 whether kitchen or flower garden--those delightful adjuncts of a country place--is such an infinite source of health1 improvement1 and delight4 ,man1 confined to the city by dire necessity of money-making1 recognizing the country as the natural sphere of his existence1 dreams of a neat1 quiet1 retired country place1 and books such as 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 persuade him to convert these dreams into realities4 ,i had always been troubled with similar visions1 although by a strange fatality my education in country matters had been wofully neglected1 for ,i could hardly distinguish tomato-vines from egg-plants1 and had not the remotest notion of modes or seasons of planting2 but1 now that there was a possibility that these imaginings might be realized1 ,i was so charmed1 that ,i resolved to record my experiences for the guidance and instruction of others4 ,thus it came about that this work was written2 and if it is occasionally defective in style and irregular in plan1 it is probably not more so than was my farming4 ,in looking over this introduction with a view to getting up a revised and enlarged edition of 8,five ,acres too ,much0 some fifteen years after the original was written1 ,i find little to add and less to change in it4 ,finding my farm of five acres so remarkably improving1 productive1 and remunerative1 ,i purchased one of twenty-five1 afterwards another of a hundred and twenty1 and now ,i own1 have1 hold1 possess1 till1 and enjoy three hundred and fifty broad acres of health and fertility4 ,to-day ,i am the 8past grand0 of farmers1 for ,i have raised the giant squash which admits to the innermost circles of the initiated4 ,my readers will be glad to learn that ,patrick is still with me4 ,my farming and my writings on farm-life would have been a failure without his efficient aid1 and he still possesses that versatility of resources which in the original pages of this work almost elevated him to the rank of genius4 ,i have added some of our modern experiences1 and believe the patient reader will find them fully equal to anything ,i had previously chronicled4 ,when my dear old friend and instructor ,mr4 ,horace ,greeley first read my humble contribution to the literature of plough and spade1 he pronounced the unpleasant criticism that 8the man who wrote that book ought to be kicked40 ,but ,i felt that he was in error1 or that possibly jealousy rather than public spirit dictated his cynical words1 because 8,what ,i knew about ,farming0 differed in some essentials from what he knew1 although we had in the main reached the same results4 ,an additional chapter gives my subsequent operations1 which were as gloriously successful as the previous ones1 and prove beyond dispute the delight1 benefit1 and profit of rural occupations when they are intelligently conducted by a citizen of liberal education1 scientific attainments1 and vigorous back4 ,,the ,,author4 ,may1 #ahhe4 ,,five ,,acres ,,too ,,much4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,a ,,cow4 ,it was early in winter when ,i made up my mind finally to erect a country house on the ,flushing five acres4 ,plans1 and size1 and arrangements were in the vague and misty future2 for months the ground could not be broken to build the foundations1 and little could be done besides preparing for the next year4 ,the first thing that seemed of vital importance was the stock4 ,pigs and chickens could be obtained at any time2 horses had to be had1 of course1 but need not bother one till the last moment2 but a cow was a creature that must be taken when a good one offered4 ,moreover1 ,i have a weakness for cows3 it is a purely theoretical interest1 for my knowledge is less than moderate1 not even extending to the mode of milking them2 but their big eyes1 and gentle manners1 and unnecessary horns1 and split feet1 have always filled my heart with love and wonder4 ,horses are miserable creatures1 invariably doing precisely what they ought not to do1 kicking when they ought to go1 going when they ought to stand still1 balking when their owner is in the most frantic haste2 forever sick1 or lame1 or requiring to be shod--a pest1 a nuisance1 and a bore4 ,but cows do not balk1 or run1 or go lame1 or need shoeing2 and although they occasionally kick over the milk-pail1 it is probably with good reason or with the best of intentions4 ,they have nice long coats that keep them from catching cold in winter1 and have an odd way of perspiring through their noses that is as curious as it is interesting4 ,a cow is a model--without referring to this last peculiarity--for a wife2 she is gentle1 good1 and beautiful1 and never makes a fuss4 ,the first point1 therefore1 was to buy a cow4 ,i had a friend living at ,flushing named ,augustus ,weeville1 who had been there several years1 and who had acquired great knowledge of the intricacies of rural performances1 and1 among other things1 was learned in cows4 ,in fact1 he was learned in most farming matters1 and1 being naturally proud of his adopted village1 and interested in my success in emigrating thither1 gave me throughout his valuable advice and assistance4 ,of course1 his aid was called in on the cow question1 and equally1 of course1 he knew an ,irishman--by-the-by1 what can be the reason that ,irishmen are the only people that have cows to sell8 ,is it because they love cows1 or hate them8 ,the whole world knows their 8strong weakness0 for pigs1 but do they collect rare specimens of cows out of pure affection1 to dispose of to curiosity-seekers having good homes8 ,or is it that they love pigs too well to endure the presence of a rival1 and dispose of the bovine race as fast as they obtain them8 ,however that may be1 if you ever want a cow1 an ,irishman will want to sell you one2 and this particular ,irishman had a particularly fine animal--just the thing for the occasion4 ,before purchasing1 ,i made a few elementary inquiries--as to what cows eat1 how much exercise they needed1 in what manner they were to be stabled1 and how many quarts of oats they would require daily4 ,my friend replied that they preferred a warm mash1 to be given three times a day2 and when he saw from my countenance that my mind was a blank on the subject of warm mashes1 he explained that hot water was poured upon bran and meal mixed1 and that the mixture was then usually called a mash1 although why and wherefore he could not distinctly say4 ,then1 carried away by the extent of his knowledge1 and rousing to the subject1 he went into the habits of cows in general2 that he thought ship-stuff was an excellent change of diet2 that they liked hay1 turnips1 carrots1 potato-peelings1 bread1 slops of all kinds that were not greasy2 that they were not fed oats1 and required no exercise and no care1 in the stable1 but stood in the sun all day long1 winking and blinking with contentment1 and put themselves to bed at night2 that the one he referred to was not young1 but gentle and a good milker2 and mentioned incidentally that he hardly knew where ,i would keep her in the city1 as no cow would ever go down the area steps and through a narrow hall-way into a back yard4 ,now ,i knew nothing of bran1 and meal1 and ship-stuff1 and only listened with an attempt at an intelligent smile1 satisfied that the articles could be purchased by name1 and without explaining their nature2 but ,i was well aware that the yard was the only place in which to keep the cow1 and that the road to it was down the steps and through the lower hall2 at least1 if there was any other way thither1 ,i had not yet discovered it1 and ,i had owned my house then some twenty years4 ,so this casual objection was quite a serious one1 and we were compelled to discuss the feasibility of leading the animal up the front steps--a proceeding1 however1 which would have required her to go down the back ones--or hoisting her over the fence4 ,as these measures did not seem practicable1 and a cow must be had1 my friend mildly suggested that several ,irishmen with a stout rope might drag her through the passage-way2 and as my faith in the nature of cows was illimitable1 it was determined to make the purchase on the chance4 ,the weight of a cow was to me an utterly unknown quantity1 and the floor she was to pass over having once1 on a previous occasion1 and without any great strain1 given way1 a carpenter had to be called in to strengthen it4 ,he1 in his enthusiasm1 and being probably as ignorant as myself1 used so many supports that it would have been strong enough to carry an elephant1 while four able-bodied men were engaged from a neighboring stable1 and provided with a good-sized rope1 so that we were fully prepared for any emergency4 ,in order that there may be no mistake in the debit and credit of this transaction1 it must be known that the cow cost #ajj1 to be delivered at the door free of charge4 ,so this sum must be charged to principal as so much invested in stock1 whether it ever entered my back yard or not2 and the interest on it will hereafter be one of the current expenses1 amounting1 at seven per cent41 to exactly #g a year4 ,it is essential that these matters should be watched2 8look after the pennies1 and the pounds will take care of themselves20 and the point would be whether the cow's milk and so forth would hereafter pay #g annually net profit4 ,the day appointed to receive my new pet arrived1 and with it the animal1 while four brawny1 red-handed ,irishmen1 strong enough to pick her up and carry her if she resisted1 were at the door4 ,they at once became excited1 and prepared for action1 and the cow looked wild and threatening as they closed in around her4 ,her owner1 who was leading her with a cord1 called out 8soo-so-o-o0 in a deprecatory manner1 that evidently produced no effect2 he1 however1 got her head to the first step1 where she hesitated1 and began to sniff suspiciously4 ,the moment of action had evidently come1 and ,i was about to shout to my supporters1 who had been carefully instructed as to their duties1 8,up1 guards1 and at her10 when the lower door opened1 and an intelligent ,irish female appeared1 holding a turnip in her hand4 ,the effect was magical2 the creature's countenance changed instantly2 turnips evidently had been scarce with her1 or her owner1 not thinking it worth while to waste food that would not be paid for1 had left her hungry2 she advanced her nose expectantly1 and1 as the tempting viand was skillfully withdrawn1 followed it and the 8retiring maid0 down the steps1 through the hall1 and into the yard4 ,illustration ,four natives of the 8,gem of the ,sea0 were sadly disappointed2 they came for an 8illegant bit of a scrimmage10 and determined to make that cow do what she did not want to do1 as well as increase their reward by extraordinary violence2 and they would have liked to follow her1 and1 as they could not make her go in1 make her come out against her will1 and without the allurement of turnips4 ,of this satisfaction her incomprehensible behavior had deprived them1 and they went away sad and disappointed men4 ,this incident only placed the character of cows on a still more exalted pedestal1 and fully justified my confidence4 ,my friend ,weeville had given me specific directions in writing how to feed that cow2 exactly how much bran--of which1 after some trouble1 and a vain attempt to buy a few pounds of it1 ,i had obtained a bag--was to be mixed with a certain proportion of meal2 and how often daily this mess1 which is probably ,english for mash1 covered with warm water1 was to be fed2 and about how much hay would fill up the intervals4 ,these instructions were carefully transmitted to the servant who had charge of the dairy1 with particular injunctions to carry them out to the letter1 and not to deviate from them in the smallest particular4 ,for several days my new purchase demeaned herself unexceptionably1 being quiet and well-behaved2 but at the end of about a week she began to bellow1 and kept on increasing her complaints daily until they became unendurable4 ,neighbors put their heads out of windows1 evidently meditating dire resolves unless 8something were done1 and that shortly10 whenever ,i went into the yard to appease her4 ,what to do was not very clear4 ,when my dog howls ,i go out and whip him1 and he appears to think that is the right thing to do1 and stops2 but a cow is such a big thing to whip1 and she did not seem to be in the least mollified by a few strokes of a stick that ,i tried4 ,gratitude for my good opinion should have induced that cow to take a hint from her equine friends and put a 8bridle on her tongue10 but1 instead of doing so1 she gave free vent to her feelings1 and1 in spite of petting or flogging1 abusing or praising1 made 8the air musical40 ,my exalted admiration for her race diminished as sleep fled from my pillow1 and murderous thoughts possessed my soul4 ,i seemed to see a dagger 8with its handle to my hand10 which looked much like a butcher's knife1 and there was an estrangement springing up between us that might have terminated fatally had not the ,celtic heroine of the turnip adventure reappeared4 ,with the energy peculiar to that sympathetic race1 the lady of the kitchen announced1 8,it was starving1 the poor baste was2 and if the master would let her feed the crayture all she wanted1 there would be no more noise at all1 at all40 ,that consent was not long withheld2 one more roar removed all scruples of dignity1 superior intelligence1 and the like1 and ,biddy fled to the meal-tub4 ,she returned in ten minutes with the biggest tub of mash the cow or myself had ever seen4 ,the former--not ,biddy1 but the cow--plunged her nose into it nearly to the eyes1 and devoured it without once pausing1 and then did the like with a replenished dish4 ,my opinion of the intelligence of cows and ,biddies was elevated1 and ,i concluded cow-feeding was not my specialty4 ,with those two feeds1 or more properly gluts1 of mash1 comfort returned to my household4 ,about the time that these events occurred1 milkmen had concluded that the lacteal fluid--or what they sold for such--was scarce and valuable1 and they raised the price to the rate of twelve cents a quart4 ,our cow1 which had been baptized with the name of ,cushy1 gave about eleven quarts daily1 and as the household only needed six1 there was a clear opening for profit to the extent of sixty cents a day4 ,pure milk is rather a rarity--by which is intimated that it is not universal--in the milkmen's carts in the great city of ,new ,york1 where that of a watery consistency and cerulean hue is more common than the dull1 pale opaque of the real article4 ,in fact1 it is said by dairymen that milk just as it comes from the cow is heating--too heating for persons confined to the narrow and unhealthy limits of a city1 and should have a little dash of fresh water to take the fire out4 ,in spite of their convincing arguments1 however1 an individual was found so little alive to the excellence of the dealer's milky way as to be ready not merely to pay the current price1 but to supply his own cans and send for the milk4 ,this opened a magnificent vista2 it was the first of the long series of profits that were to flow in one steady stream from the country place or its accompaniments4 ,if one cow yielded a clear daily income of sixty cents1 that a hundred or a thousand would yield proportionally more was merely a question in the rule of three4 ,there was one little matter1 however1 that somewhat impaired the full measure of this success4 ,the haymakers1 or whoever they are that own hay1 had raised the price of their goods to keep pace with the price of milk1 so that hay was at the moderate rate of two dollars or two dollars and a half a hundred pounds4 ,moreover1 that was an uncommonly intelligent cow1 and she used her superior gifts to assure her own comforts1 regardless of my feelings or my profits4 ,the hay was stored in a closet under the steps that led down into the yard1 and1 in spite of every care and contrivance to keep her out1 ,cushy would open the door1 and not only help herself to all she wanted1 but throw down armfuls under her feet1 and then1 like all her dainty race1 she would utterly refuse to eat whatever had become dirty4 ,if the door was latched1 she pushed the latch up2 if bars were placed across1 she removed them with her horns2 if a rope was used1 she broke or stretched it2 and if she could not get in otherwise1 she would tear the whole away4 ,after trying many plans1 the door was ingeniously hung from the top1 so that1 as was supposed1 it would effectually prevent her unauthorized inroads2 but next day it was found at the other end of the yard1 having been carried thither on her head4 ,besides1 the amount of hay she ate seemed to have no effect in diminishing the quantity of mash she wanted2 rather she appeared to carry into practice the deceptive proposition of the stingy father to his hungry sons--that he who ate the most meat should have the most pie--by demanding more bran the more hay she consumed4 ,in spite of these drawbacks she was an immense convenience4 ,her manufactory seemed to work better than more scientific and artificial arrangements1 and turned out a more agreeable article than the most skillful chemical milkman4 ,however disgraceful to human nature is the confession1 science is nowhere against a cow4 ,to be sure1 she would on wash-days carry a few clothes off the lines1 and drag them around in the most nonchalant and unconcerned way conceivable2 would even now and then get her horns mixed up with the lines generally1 and pull out half a dozen hooks2 but the moment this was done she was entirely satisfied1 and would stand perfectly quiet until she was disencumbered4 ,she made more dirt than was altogether sightly1 and a man had to be engaged to come daily and remove it4 ,illustration ,these various eccentricities added somewhat to her cost1 and made it difficult to compute the amount accurately2 but1 apart from the value of clothes and clothes-lines1 her feed cost thirty dollars a month1 and the man's attendance six more4 ,so long as she kept on giving twelve quarts a day1 there was a clear profit of four cents daily1 besides the thorough manuring of the yard1 which with farmers is an important point1 and would have been more valuable in this instance if it had been possible to grow any thing in it1 and had it not been1 unfortunately1 that1 for some unknown reason1 not even a spear of grass had ever been willing to exist there4 ,the quantity of milk1 however1 soon began to diminish1 until1 after six weeks1 the arrangement with our neighbor had to be discontinued4 ,this reduced the profit1 although ,cushy still gave more than an abundance for our family1 and there would have been a loss had not hay and bran come up to the occasion by coming down in price4 ,the reader1 therefore1 must call upon the author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 to determine1 by a few algebraical eliminations1 whether1 if a cow's yield falls off more or less1 and her feed diminishes in price considerably1 there is a loss or profit1 and if so1 why so1 and how much4 ,for my part1 ,i never could arrive at any satisfactory conclusion except that pure milk and fresh cream were1 either combined or separate1 very satisfactory4 ,cushy had an excellent disposition2 she never exhibited but one evil passion1 and that was for the meal-tub3 she would feed from the hand or a pail1 or1 in fact1 in any way1 so long as she was fed enough4 ,upon this regimen she waxed fat1 until it became a serious question whether she would ever again pass out of the doors that it was at first doubtful whether she would enter4 ,her stomach was of goodly size when she came1 and ,i did not wonder that it occupied so much of her thoughts2 but it grew prodigiously1 and she had a way of standing still by the hour1 with her head under the clothes on the lines1 when the sun began to grow hot in the spring1 or of lying at full length in their shade1 that was evidently conducive to corpulency4 ,when she wanted her meals1 which she did not only at frequent intervals1 but whenever any one came into the yard1 she would go to the kitchen window1 and1 thrusting forward her head as far as the bars permitted1 would 8moo0 gently to express her wants4 ,if not attended to immediately1 she would soon speak louder1 and at last would demand food in the most peremptory tone of stentorian bovine lungs4 ,she invariably had her desires gratified1 and thus was this interesting evidence of intelligence greatly developed4 ,she had an amusing way of playing with whatever boxes or baskets might be left in the yard1 somewhat regardless1 to be sure1 of their fragile nature2 she would carry them on her head round about1 and occasionally pin them to the earth with a thrust of her horns2 and if she found the stable1 which was of wood1 close and uncomfortable1 she now and then walked out of it through the side1 but did these things in so unconscious a way that no one could find fault4 ,she kept on growing fat and fatter--7to continue her history and somewhat anticipate events7--until summer came1 and it was necessary to send her to the country4 ,then the services of another ,irishman1 of course1 were called into requisition1 and he started off from the house with her1 early one morning in ,june1 to lead her eight miles to her future home at ,flushing4 ,neither himself nor the cow was heard of again till late that night1 when1 with startled countenance1 he related his adventures to my friend ,weeville4 ,he had hardly turned the corner before a butcher rushed out and announced that he wanted to buy that cow4 ,patrick indignantly refused1 true to the aristocratic ,irish idea that the employer is always above disposing of any thing2 but the butcher was irrepressible1 and1 pulling out his wallet1 offered ninety-five dollars for her2 but ,pat retorted4 8,you'll not get the likes of her for ninety-five dollars40 ,this the would-be purchaser mistook for a haggle over price1 and demanded how much she would be sold for1 when ,patrick1 breaking away from him with indignation1 answered resolutely1 8,she is not for sale at all1 at all1 but going to the country for air and grass40 8,but it's an awful time ,i've had with her10 he continued1 in his narration4 8,sure and didn't she lay down with me twelve times1 and didn't ,i think every blessed time that she would niver get up again8 ,her tongue hung out a yard1 in spite of me watering her at every trough along the road4 ,she kept me ever since tin o'clock this very morning1 and would stop to rest whenever she felt like it1 until ,i began to think ,i shouldn't get home till next day40 ,thus ,cushy exhibited another evidence of her intelligence4 ,as she had heretofore insisted upon being fed whenever she was hungry1 she now had1 with equal peremptoriness1 demanded rest when she was tired4 ,fat and unaccustomed to travel1 she made the ,irishman conform to her views of speed1 like the superior being she was1 knowing well that he was only sent to wait on and accompany her in her journey4 ,she was evidently pleased with the country1 being found next morning up to her knees in clover2 and1 had it not been for the attacks of a gadfly1 which she resented furiously1 she would have led a perfectly happy life4 ,she certainly was a model animal4 ,my presentiments of success were not mistaken1 and ,i felt almost like claiming1 with the modest author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough10 that my impressions were never wrong4 ,illustration3 ,,portrait ,,of ,a ,,lady4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,a ,,house1 ,,plans1 ,,and ,,specifications4 ,if there is any one thing on which ,i do pride myself more than another1 it is my ability to plan and lay out a house4 ,no matter how remarkable the shape of the lot may be1 ,i can always devise an admirable arrangement2 and if architecture1 not law1 had been my fate1 the public would have been surprised at my productions4 ,to be sure1 chimneys have an inconvenient habit of coming up through windows1 and windows of getting in the way of partitions1 or locating themselves in odd and unsymmetrical places2 sometimes the only passage from the kitchen to the front door1 after my plan is completed1 will turn out to be through every room on the first floor1 and occasionally the stairs will be omitted2 but these are matters for the practical builder to correct--the great point is to mark out the general scheme scientifically4 ,of course1 therefore1 the first thing to do toward building my intended house was to prepare the plans4 ,a large house--a huge pile of wood or brick--is an abomination1 and it costs so outrageously 7the profit or loss was never out of my mind72 but there seems to be a limit in reduction of size that can not be surpassed4 ,i at once proceeded to lay out an admirable plan for a house twenty-four feet square1 a neat1 nice1 cosy1 comfortable little cottage2 and this is an economical size1 because it requires precisely two lengths of board4 ,i arranged for a grand hall through the centre1 and a piazza round three sides2 there were four rooms on each floor1 and it would have been perfection had not the parlor and dining-room proved to be only about seven feet by twelve1 which1 after some careful measurements1 was determined to be rather small4 ,however1 the plan had so many recommendations that ,i determined to make an effort with it4 ,in my younger days ,i had passed much time in ,connecticut1 and had there seen houses of the nicest kind1 attractive inside and out1 and which were said to cost only a few thousand dollars apiece4 ,a friend of mine1 residing on ,long ,island ,sound1 had imported one1 which came to him cut out1 sawed and marked1 ready to be put up4 ,so1 having determined to try something of the same nature1 ,i inquired the name of the maker1 and sent him my plan1 requesting an estimate4 ,instead of returning me an estimate by which ,i could readily calculate for a little increase of size1 the stupid fellow replied that he would come to ,new ,york and show me some plans of his own4 ,i wrote a severe letter in answer1 saying that ,i wanted an estimate1 not a plan4 ,since then ,i have not heard from the gentleman1 and believe he is still studying out the beauties of my arrangement1 and will1 one of these days1 come before the world as a great architect on the strength of my abilities4 ,not to be put down or deterred1 however1 ,i made other plans1 some of which had the kitchen outside1 some in the basement1 and others on the first floor4 ,in one there was a piazza on all sides1 in another there was no piazza whatever2 some had the servants in the garret1 others placed them in the cellar4 ,i was ready to erect an entirely new house1 or to convert an old barn that was near the premises into two or three houses4 ,there was nothing that my resources were not equal to1 and the drawings would have furnished quite a new stock in trade for a young architect4 ,my friends gave me their advice4 ,they respectively assured me that ,i could not live with my kitchen in a wing1 and could not exist if it were any where else2 that ,i would be robbed if the servants were in the attic1 and robbed and murdered if they were on the ground floor2 that no house was worth building unless it were filled in with brick1 and that brick filling was a mere waste of money2 that it would be hot as an oven if it was not double boarded1 or if it was double boarded and not double plastered2 that every floor must be deafened1 or that the noise overhead would be unendurable1 and that deafening would be of no use whatever2 that the roof must be of gravel1 or it would leak1 and if made of gravel it would break the entire building down2 that oiling was the true mode of protecting the woodwork1 and that nothing whatever but paint would answer2 that the natural wood was the most beautiful trimming1 and that only stained or painted woodwork was decent2 that the proper way was to paper the walls1 and that no paper would stick on fresh walls4 ,there was much more equally valuable advice1 for which ,i was exceedingly grateful1 and desire again publicly to thank my friends4 ,while ruminating over these statements and my various different projects1 ,i was struck with the appearance of a neat little house in one of the streets of the village4 ,it was a parallelogram1 which is the most practical and economical shape for a house1 and had a modest little piazza in front1 and a pretty ,french roof above4 ,the internal arrangement1 with such modifications as my superior experience immediately dictated1 was absolute perfection4 ,the building was only twenty-four feet by thirty-six1 yet there were seven comfortable rooms on the first and second floors1 the parlor moderately large1 the dining-room long and narrow to suit a dinner-table1 and the bedrooms of admirable proportion4 ,i determined at once1 with the heroism of self-control1 to abandon my own fancies1 and to look and think no farther2 but1 having completed my modifications1 gave them to a draughtsman1 to be expressed in builders' signs and particularized with specifications4 ,this event suggested the following beautiful sentiment3 ,it often happens that1 while we are roaming over the world to gratify our desires1 the precise article for the purpose is at our very doors4 ,the drawings and specifications were soon made out in gorgeous style2 there was a beautiful picture of what the house would look like1 with an amount of finish and moulding that did the draughtsman great credit1 showing the inside and outside1 sections and ground plans1 stairs and closets2 and the specifications provided how every nail was to be driven1 and were completed with a minuteness that would set imposition at defiance4 ,when finished1 they were submitted to several builders for estimates4 ,this happened at a time when1 although the inflation of gold had passed its culminating point1 labor and materials were at their highest4 ,the builders1 smarting under the recollection of unprofitable contracts made on a rising market1 were deaf to my eloquent observations on the certainty of a rapid fall in the value of articles at a time when the war was manifestly drawing to a close4 ,they had lost faith not only in the ninety-days' theory of our leading modern statesman1 but that the rebellion would die other than a lingering death1 and refused obstinately to be convinced4 ,some of them offered to oversee the work on a commission1 by which ingenious arrangement the more they wasted the more they would make4 ,others charged nearly double what was the fair value1 insisting upon allowing for a farther rise in prices4 ,one man was so entirely overcome that1 after keeping the plans a month1 he returned them secretly1 ran away1 and was never heard of afterward4 ,new ,york being pretty much exhausted by this time1 application was made to the carpenters of ,flushing4 ,with one exception1 they declined the job1 as they called it1 entirely2 but this one put in the lowest estimate that had yet been made1 so that the reader will perceive that ,flushing contains not merely the finest building-lots and the gentlest cows1 but the most intelligent and enterprising carpenters4 ,there was only one difficulty in the way of closing with this proposal1 and that was1 as he coolly informed me1 that he could not finish the house till next winter4 ,now ,i wanted a summer residence1 not a winter one4 ,the city is a sane man's home in bleak and stormy weather1 but in the summer solstice the green fields and fragrant pastures1 limpid brooks and shady trees1 tempt an equally sane man 7meaning myself1 of course7 into the country4 ,it is true1 much time had been wasted over specifications and estimates1 especially by the man who ran away1 and the spring was pretty well advanced2 but that house had to be done by ,july4 ,so1 as it was impossible to accept the services of the intelligent ,flushing mechanic1 or to make use of the admirably planned ,flushing house1 it became necessary to cast about for some other means of accomplishing the object4 ,over against the eastern end of that barren and crooked point of land known as ,cape ,cod1 which1 projecting into the ocean1 considers the object of its being accomplished when it protects and shelters the 8,hub of the ,universe10 lie three islands that were1 in early days1 according to unquestionable tradition1 the estate and property of an elderly gentleman who was blessed with three daughters4 ,on his death the ladies are supposed to have divided the property among them4 ,the daughters' names were ,anna1 ,martha1 and ,naomi1 and their names appertain to the islands still4 ,the largest is called ,martha's ,vineyard1 showing that ,martha had the good sense to cultivate the luscious fruit1 although the strict ,puritan customs of those times may have forbidden her enjoying its juice1 except1 perhaps1 in the ,puritan way--on the sly4 ,anna took the next largest island1 which from that day has been called ,nantookit1 or ,nantucket1 the graceful ,anna being vulgarized into the familiar ,nan4 ,naomi's land has since been converted into ,nomansland2 and well it might1 for no man would have been contented with such a portion while brothers carried off the broad acres of the neighboring islands1 and few women1 except such submissive creatures as ,naomis and ,cinderellas are popularly supposed to be4 ,of this group1 ,nantucket was once flourishing and populous1 with a large tonnage of whalemen1 and a goodly population of whaling-men--where money was so plenty and morals so pure that theft was unknown and hackmen charged fair prices4 ,this modern ,arcadia1 however1 was sadly affected by the rapid diminution of whales1 was injured by the invention of kerosene1 and ruined by the discovery of petroleum1 the barbarous names of which had been1 until lately1 unknown in all that country4 ,whales tried1 for a time1 to compete with these innovations1 but1 finding the effort useless1 gave up in disgust1 and retired to their northern homes beyond the reach of man4 ,this would have made little difference if ships were used in obtaining petroleum2 but1 although enthusiasts suppose it comes from the decayed bones of whales that existed when this old world was young1 they had been buried 8deeper than ever plummet sounded0 beneath the accumulations of modern dust2 so the whalemen1 being useless1 were sunk in ,charleston ,harbor1 and the whaling-men sought 8green fields and pastures new0 in ,california4 ,nan's inheritance went to decay1 and her people were our people--that is1 they learned to cheat1 and the hackmen imitated their fellows4 ,population diminished1 building lots were worthless1 and one half the houses were vacant4 ,but the inhabitants were a ,scriptural people1 and1 remembering how the patriarchal tribes1 when water and grass became scarce1 struck their tents and struck out for better quarters1 they pulled down every man his house--and not only that1 but every woman her house--and carried them over to the main land4 ,it was at the zenith of this exodus that my troubles culminated1 and hearing of a spot where the inhabitants had each a house to sell1 and wanting the article myself1 without more ado ,i ordered one to be delivered at ,flushing4 ,it was not necessary to see the new domicile2 it was sufficient that it came from ,nantucket1 the home of purity and truth1 and to be put up by a ,nantucketan1 doubtless a specimen of these qualities4 ,he contracted to pull it down1 transport it to ,flushing1 and erect it on the premises aforesaid1 as we lawyers say1 by the seventh day of ,july then next ensuing2 and if he failed so to do1 then he was to forfeit and pay the sum of ten dollars for each and every day's default and delay over and beyond such day as aforesaid2 provided1 however1 nevertheless1 if he finished and completed such house before the first day of ,july1 he was to receive a further sum of ten dollars a day for each day that the same should be so finished and completed before the said last mentioned1 to wit1 the first day of ,july then next ensuing4 ,his name was ,sille--not silly1 as our ,new ,york builders would call him if they read those provisions which1 ,i think1 do not disgrace my profession1 and which of themselves are more than worth1 to the reader1 the cost of this book4 ,the contractor soon sent me a rough diagram of the house4 ,it was not exactly according to my views2 instead of being an economical parallelogram1 it was made up of angles and eccentricities2 the architecture was of the conglomerate style1 the main building being ,doric and the extension ,corinthian2 the former having a peaked roof so perpendicular that it seemed as if it never would come to a point1 and that a fly would have difficulty in maintaining a foothold on it1 and the latter being so flat that a ball would hardly roll off the eaves4 ,the whole was ornamented with an unlimited amount of trimming and moulding1 and there were windows of all shapes and characters4 ,there was stained glass in the front and rear doors1 plain glass in some windows1 and parti-colored panes in others2 there were windows where no one would expect them1 and blanks where one would naturally expect windows4 ,it might have been called a model of surprises4 ,to a person who prided himself on his abilities for laying out a plan economically and advantageously1 this was discouraging2 but1 after all1 to a philosophic mind1 so long as the necessary accommodation is obtained1 the particular plan makes little difference4 ,flushing is a small place1 and any unusual occurrence throws it into a wild state of excitement4 ,some one had been moving a house down its main street in the ordinary manner1 with rollers and a windlass1 and its slow rate of progression led to much animadversion1 and many remarks that in a country village pass for jokes4 ,one by-stander wanted to know whether it had stopped at the corner to take a drink1 another desired to inquire whether it was going to the city for a visit1 and a third sarcastically pointed out its rate of speed as an example for the railroad company to imitate4 ,the ,flushing ,gazette took the matter up1 and had an editorial every week on the progress of the house4 ,so the reader can imagine what was the effect when the ,flushingites learned that a stranger was about bringing a house from ,nantucket4 ,the ,gazette entered into the subject with spirited hilarity1 hoping that it would move faster than the 8pattern house10 and wondering whether it would sail down or come by land--suggesting that the other houses1 the old settlers1 ought to call on the new-comer--and generally made itself quite facetious over the affair4 ,after signing his agreement1 ,mr4 ,sille disappeared1 it was supposed1 to look up the house1 and the foundation was rapidly completed by a resident mason2 but neither he nor the house reappeared4 ,weeks went by2 the prophecies of the incredulous were being confirmed2 those who had 8known better0 all along were in high spirits2 the evidence was altogether against the success of the new enterprise1 and were among the most favorable4 ,it was rumored that contractor1 house1 and all had gone down in a storm on the ,long ,island ,sound4 ,in the midst of these dreadful rumors1 a vessel appeared one morning at the dock near the premises1 and landed bricks1 beams1 and timbers--evidently what had been once a house1 and what must be a house again4 ,the whole aspect of affairs changed2 hilarity succeeded gloom2 doubts disappeared2 hopes grew into certainties2 and the mason who was building the foundation engaged all the carts1 trucks1 and wagons in the village to transport what he called 8the stuff0 to my premises4 ,he drove down in a great state of excitement--only to find the gate to the dock closed and locked4 ,here was an unexpected block to the wheels of progress4 ,there was a high1 strong gate4 ,on one side1 all the vehicles of ,flushing2 on the other1 a mass of timber1 joists1 boards1 and shingles1 supposed to represent a house4 ,on careful investigation1 it turned out that an ,irishman named ,barney--whether it was something ,barney or ,barney something1 no one ever knew1 as he was invariably called simply ,barney--had hired the dock1 and demanded 8his damages0 before he would allow 8the stuff0 to leave4 ,here was a predicament--my house landed1 all the transportation of the village ready to remove it1 and an obstinate ,irishman named ,barney barring the way4 ,he was immovable1 however1 insisting upon 8his damages20 so the carts1 and wagons1 and trucks drove away1 and the ,irish character came under a lively discussion4 ,the inhabitants of the ,emerald ,isle are certainly a magnificent race1 especially when their biographer does not happen to own a house which has strayed on their land1 and does want to run for alderman2 and if they did not lie1 steal1 cheat1 rob1 murder1 get drunk1 perjure themselves1 quarrel1 fight1 and insist upon damages unreasonably1 they would be almost as good as other nations4 ,barney was evidently a superior ,irishman1 and1 as no one had ever landed a load of house at his dock before1 and probably never would again1 he felt that the dignity of tenants was at stake1 and must be sustained4 ,when these facts were reported to me ,i took down my law-books1 and prepared a rod for ,mr4 ,barney4 ,there was the clear right to land at a public dock2 there was the clear wrong of detaining property belonging to another4 ,damages began to loom up before my eyes1 and a very pretty case as introduction to a lucrative legal practice in the place of my newly-intended residence4 ,vistas of writs1 and suits1 and appeals1 and new trials1 rose in my mind in graceful array1 and ,i thanked ,barney1 who was reported to be not only 8ugly10 but responsible1 with all my heart4 ,there were two difficulties in the way of legal action--first1 that until the suit was terminated the residence could not be built2 secondly1 that ,sille1 who would have to be plaintiff1 had disappeared from the sight of man4 ,now the house might be delayed1 as the damages would thus be increased2 but a suit without a plaintiff was beyond ordinary legal remedies1 and was not provided for even by the new ,code of ,procedure4 ,so ,barney1 ,irishman-like1 in spite of law1 justice1 sense1 or hospitality1 kept my house1 or rather intended house1 by 8force and arms10 and the cellar and foundation were completed alone4 ,a cellar is a delightful part of a house1 it is so cool in summer and warm in winter2 it is such a nice place to store 8things10 as the housewives call them2 but to have all cellar and no house is carrying the point too far4 ,it is a pleasant place when surmounted by the proper amount of beams and mortar1 but alone is like an alligator's countenance1 altogether too open4 ,i am not particular1 and could have made out during the summer months1 probably1 if the cellar had only been upside down4 ,the foundation was built1 the mason was out of work1 and myself out of humor1 when we were both again raised to the pinnacle of happiness by the arrival of another vessel1 which fortunately selected another dock1 and landed another house4 ,on inquiry1 it appeared that this was my house4 ,lest the reader may suppose that ,nantucket was so overflowing with houses that they floated down the ,sound and drifted ashore any where1 it must be explained that the first house was merely the workshop4 ,so the carts and trucks reappeared1 and this time carried away the dbris of what was once the house of some bluff seafaring man--timbers that were shivered1 as he had no doubt often requested they should be1 doors1 windows1 shingles1 pieces of roof1 floor-boards1 posts1 moulding1 and a thousand other odds1 ends1 bits1 and pieces1 in the most admired confusion--and deposited them upon my entire five acres1 scattered hither and thither1 as though they were component parts of five houses instead of one4 ,as ,mr4 ,sille had not come with the house1 but was to arrive the next day--for it appeared he had been storm-bound in some of the numerous 8bights10 as the ,yankees call them1 of ,nantucket or ,martha's ,vineyard--he sent a watchman who was to sleep among the 8stuff10 and prevent ,mr4 ,barney's compatriots from converting it into firewood4 ,mr4 ,sille was to arrive the next day4 ,week after week went by1 but he did not appear4 ,the house lay on the ground as though a hundred-pound rebel shell had dropped into the cellar and scattered it to the four winds of heaven2 the watchman waited1 watched1 and prayed1 doubtless1 for relief1 till his money was spent1 and his shoes worn out1 and his coat thread-bare2 ,i alternated between imbecility and fury2 ,barney even was overcome1 and sent word begging to have the workshop1 which had been placed on top of a pile of his hay1 removed2 and ,flushing made it the regular fashionable evening drive to visit my five acres to see how the house was--not getting on4 ,in about a month1 when the mason had almost become crazy1 myself frantic1 and ,barney idiotic1 ,sille reappeared from ,nantucket or some other remote spot1 looking like the ghost of his former self1 and announced that he had been at the point of death4 ,not taking into consideration for a moment my losses and sufferings1 he absolutely wanted sympathy2 in the first place1 he must nearly drown himself1 and now he must catch the erysipelas1 and expect me to feel for any one but myself4 ,i asked him sternly whether this was his habit with every house that he moved1 and explained that it must not happen again2 that ,i had been sick too--very sick of the whole affair2 that the watchman had become demoralized and run away2 that it was nearly midsummer1 and that all ,flushing was laughing at us4 ,illustration ,the watchman lived in a little place not larger than a good-sized dog-kennel that he constructed from pieces of roof1 and the boys of the neighborhood considered it fine sport to pay him a visit of a dark night1 and signalize their presence by a shower of stones4 ,his food was never luxurious1 being cooked by himself under many disadvantages and with few utensils2 and when his money became scant1 it was supplied mainly through the charity of the neighbors4 ,he had no bedding and no change of clothes2 and when a murder was committed near by1 and the murderer was hunted through the place by constables1 officers1 and half the people as posse comitatus1 accompanied by all the dogs in the village2 and the crowd1 yelling1 screaming1 and fighting1 rushed over the watchman's kennel at midnight1 waking him out of sleep1 he could stand it no longer1 but incontinently fled to parts unknown2 so that ,sille had not arrived too soon1 and found every thing needing care and attention4 ,he went to work at once1 and1 bringing order out of chaos1 began rapidly to construct the confused mass of material into the form and stature of a dwelling4 ,murders are abhorrent things to me2 either from some natural idiosyncracy1 or from the training of my profession1 which teaches obedience to the powers that be1 and prefers technicalities to violence1 ,i have a positive objection to murdering any one or being murdered myself--especially the latter4 ,it is so dirty and bloody1 the body is so dreadful to look at and so hard to dispose of1 and the whole affair so sudden and altogether unpleasant4 ,i was anxious to know1 before settling in ,flushing1 whether murder was one of the institutions1 and was to be guarded against like chills and fever1 musquitoes1 and other similar visitations4 ,a day or two after the occurrence1 ,i applied to my invaluable friend ,weeville for information1 and inquired whether murders were a common event in that neighborhood4 ,his manner in reply was very encouraging4 ,he had lived in ,flushing nine years1 and this was the first case of the kind4 ,it was the most peaceable place he knew2 in fact1 he had hardly ever heard a loud word spoken4 ,he pictured it as the abiding-place of angels or ,quakers1 and put my scruples entirely at rest4 ,violence1 or disputes even1 among the ,flushingites were not heard of1 and murders were far rarer than deaths by lightning4 ,the day after this conversation there was a little friendly contest among various fire-companies at the peaceable village to determine which engine could throw the highest stream of water2 and what was my amazement1 on reading the accounts in the daily papers1 to learn that the contest wound up in a free fight2 that knives1 pistols1 and clubs were freely used1 and that four persons were killed and forty wounded4 ,for a family of semi-angels this was doing well4 ,the philosophy of averages furnished one consolation1 however--,flushing had evidently concentrated into one day its allowance of murders for the next five years4 ,none of ,sille's men were in the fight1 although at first ,i anticipated finding my cellar a hospital1 and expected a renewed experience in the matter of lint and bandages1 such as occupied so much of our time during the war4 ,he kept on steadily adding boards1 and windows1 and siding1 and beams together1 till they took on the semblance of a house4 ,to be sure1 it was rickety and open as yet3 one man fell between the timbers1 another out of a window1 and a third from the roof--but that did not hurt the house4 ,two ,irishmen were one day at work digging a well1 and ,i commenced moralizing at their fate--doomed to a lower existence than hewers of wood and drawers of water1 not sufficiently intelligent1 even1 to cut sticks1 and condemned to carry wood and dig for water2 their life one of weary1 heart-rending1 back-breaking toil2 no time for pleasure1 no chance to cultivate the intellect and develop the mind--a miserable life1 little better than death itself4 ,musing on their hard lot1 ,i peered down into the deep hole they were making in the ground during the intense heats of summer1 wondering how soon science would raise the lowest of men above the condition of beasts of burden1 when one of them1 glancing up1 perceived me1 and inquired1 8,was ,i the boss80 ,i answered in the affirmative1 and he informed me that it was customary for the boss to 8stand something0 when he first came on the ground4 ,moved by my sympathies1 ,i stood a dollar apiece1 explaining that it must not be wasted in liquor1 to which they assented with great hilarity4 ,alas for sympathy1 and charity1 and the milk of human kindness6 those wretched men immediately clubbed their two dollars together1 and1 converting them into gin1 knocked off work and proceeded to get drunk4 ,they remained incoherent1 as the term goes that is applied to their betters1 all the next day4 ,as it was essential that the well should be finished as rapidly as possible1 my feelings changed1 my sympathy died a premature death1 and ,i never stood any thing of the kind again4 ,what with drunken ,irishmen and injured workmen1 murdered villagers and fighting firemen1 the country house progressed slowly toward completion4 ,the walls1 it is true1 arose like mushrooms--those delicious vegetables1 which ,i must pause to compliment--in a night2 the roof climbed into place1 partitions grew and floors were laid1 windows crept into their sash-cases1 and doors and blinds were hung1 but 8the end was not yet40 ,the seventh day of ,july had come and gone1 and the country house bid fair to be finished about ,christmas time4 ,of the cost of the progressing dwelling it is not pleasant to speak2 but as this veritable history depends greatly1 for its value to future generations1 upon its accuracy and minuteness1 ,i will admit the expense was not despicable4 ,labor was high1 as the ,nantucket builder explained1 and timber was high1 and bricks were high1 and ,irishmen occasionally got high1 and altogether he was compelled--much against his wishes--to charge a high price4 ,as the building progressed1 or rather failed to progress1 it was suggested that he may have charged enough to leave a surplus to cover a few days' delay at ten dollars a day2 but that would hardly have accorded with the proverbial honesty of ,nan's dower island4 ,i concluded to hire a house near by1 which1 although not the one ,i expected to occupy1 was doubtless as good1 and had the advantage of a tight roof and solid walls4 ,here ,i could conveniently watch the progress of the undertaking without being so deeply interested as if my lodging depended on it4 ,as distance is supposed to lend enchantment to the view1 the distant prospect of the completion of my house should have been enchanting2 and as summers invariably return every year1 it would be only a question of a few months1 and my summer house would be merely a next summer house4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,more ,,live-,,stock--,a ,,horse ,,and ,a ,,pig4 ,,which ,,is ,,the ,,nobler ,,animal8 ,in order to live in the country1 one must own a horse2 in order to keep house in the country1 one must own a pig4 ,in popular estimation1 the animal creation stand in relation to man in the following order--cows1 horses1 pigs1 dogs4 ,for the existence of a large portion of the race of infants in these modern days of tight lacing and slender limbs1 a cow is a prime necessity2 for utility in transferring one's self from place to place between which there is no railroad1 or if there is1 and the person's life is precious in his own eyes1 a horse is extremely useful2 for association in contemplative moments and suggestiveness of comfortable ideas1 a pig is very pleasant2 for the higher enjoyments of life1 for the sports of the field and wood1 the dog takes first rank4 ,i have already described the cow4 ,my dog1 like those of all my friends1 is the best in the world1 and ,i bought the 8love of a pig40 ,pigs are a highly intellectual race2 they not only know on which side their bread is buttered1 but in which part of the trough to find the best-buttered pieces4 ,reader1 didst thou ever study the language of a pig--the beautiful intonations of its various expressions2 the grunt of welcome at its master's approach2 the sharp warning to desist if punishment is threatened2 the squeal demanding more food1 broken often into the most piteous accents of entreaty2 the cry of pain1 or scream of rage8 ,pig-language is a copious one1 although the power to understand it is given to but few of the human race4 ,the expressions of a pig's face are most impressive2 the eye speaks the enjoyment of a joke--twinkles with fun1 as we say2 conveys an intimation of anger1 or expresses scorn of an underhand action or watchfulness against it4 ,who ever got the better of a pig by fair means8 ,chase him1 and see him provokingly keep half a dozen feet ahead of you2 try to drive him1 and measure his obstinacy even by that of your wife2 endeavor to lead him1 and make up your mind to have a 8good time40 ,our pig united many pleasant qualities and points of sagacity to a gentleness and suavity rare in the race2 he had an appetite that was a joy to behold1 and was as effective an appetizer as a gin-cocktail4 ,illustration ,the household was large1 and swill consequently abundant1 but piggy never shrank from his duty2 he seemed to feel that the reputation of all pigdom rested on him1 and1 no matter how often the trough was replenished1 he was ever ready to renew his attacks4 ,his sides were puffed out and rounded like a ball1 but he would stand with one foot in the trough1 and never desist till the last morsel was consumed4 ,he was as clean and white as a baby in a morning-gown1 and would allow his flanks to be scratched in the most gracious way1 grunting gently the while1 and occasionally turning over on his side4 ,he was altogether a rarely sociable companion3 so much for our pig4 ,in selecting a horse1 there was one point ,i had made up my mind upon--he must be gentle2 he might be fast or slow1 stylish or commonplace1 but kind in single or double harness1 as the professionals term it1 he should be4 ,my experience of horse-flesh has been varied and instructive3 ,i have been thrown over their heads and slid over their tails2 have been dragged by saddle-stirrups and tossed out of wagons2 ,i have had them to balk and to kick1 to run and to bolt1 to stand on their hind feet and kick with their front1 and then reciprocate by standing on their front and kicking with their hind feet4 ,i have seen more of a horse's heels1 have known more of the intricacies and possibilities of a 8smash-up10 have had more bits of pole and whiffle-trees sent flying over my head than falls to the lot of most men2 ,i have been thrown much with horses1 and more by them2 ,i have had them do nearly every thing they should not have done1 and leave undone all that they should have done4 ,so gentleness was the one prerequisite to a purchase1 and many were the animals ,i examined to secure this qualification1 many the faults ,i discovered2 but ,i finally obtained the precise creature ,i wanted4 ,he was graceful1 free1 fast1 stylish1 and1 above all1 perfectly gentle--a very family horse4 ,on the confines of ,flushing stands a house about two hundred feet from the road1 and surrounded on three sides by a high hedge of arbor-vit4 ,at the front is a court-yard1 and what was once a stately entrance1 with a carriage-drive round a circle1 and a number of noble forest-trees2 but the grass has covered the carriage-road1 weeds have choked the lawn1 and the trees spread their scraggy branches untrimmed and uncared for4 ,the dwelling is large1 and has a deep piazza along the entire front2 it gives every outward appearance of comfort1 but no family has occupied it more than two consecutive months for many years4 ,the house is haunted4 ,many years ago an old ,french lady owned the place1 and she had one daughter--a beauty1 of course--given to falling in love1 equally of course1 or she would not have been ,french--and somewhat undutiful1 as the sequel will show4 ,the mother1 according to the ordinary ,parisian habit1 wished to make a good match for her daughter2 the latter1 according to the universal female habit1 wished to select a handsome husband for herself2 the mother offered a wealthy and highly respectable 8mentor1 guide1 and friend0 of sixty2 the young lady chose a dashing1 devil-may-care lover of twenty-five4 ,the parent dismissed the latter1 the daughter dismissed the former2 the mother threatened to anathematize if she was not obeyed1 and1 being disobeyed1 did something of the kind--what1 among gentlemen1 would be called 8tall swearing40 ,the daughter1 who had learned the habits of ,american children1 consented to an elopement with her lover2 the time was set1 the hour arrived4 ,it was a bright moonlight night1 the seventh of ,october1 in the year eighteen hundred and no matter what2 a high wind was blowing1 and scattered clouds were driving rapidly across the sky2 the young gentleman at the appointed hour stood at the gate with a pair of fast trotters and one of the lightest turnouts of ,brewster ,co41 of ,bond ,street1 having engaged a clergyman in the city of ,new ,york4 ,time flew by1 but he waited in vain4 ,his lady-love had not failed of her promises1 however1 but1 after her mother had retired1 and by her loud snoring attested the profundity of her repose1 she quietly descended the stairs1 opened the front door silently as the expertest of thieves1 and stepped upon the piazza4 ,at that moment a heavy cloud passed across the moon1 and a fierce gust slammed to the door2 fearing that her mother might have been aroused1 she groped her way hastily across the piazza1 caught the balustrade of the steps1 and--walked off on the wrong side4 ,it was a fall of ten feet2 with a wild shriek she pitched head foremost on the bricks of the area4 ,the lover waited and waited1 fearing let suspicions might have been aroused1 or resolution have failed2 amid the noise of blustering winds and falling leaves he thought he heard a cry of distress1 and1 at last becoming uneasy1 determined to visit his dulcinea's window1 and ask her how she did4 ,tying his horses1 he crept quietly along the shady side of the hedge1 which was that on the opposite side to her room1 as he did not wish to be seen4 ,as soon as he reached the piazza1 he followed along under the edge of it till he came to the steps1 where he waited for a friendly cloud to conceal his movements1 when he was compelled to pass outside of them4 ,the opportunity soon offered1 he slipped by1 and the cloud cleared away just after he had stumbled on a bundle of clothes1 as he supposed1 beyond the steps2 he turned to look2 and there1 lying upon her back1 staring up to heaven with lack-lustre1 wide-open eyes1 the crimson stains upon her white forehead telling her fate1 stiff1 and stark1 and cold1 lay all that he held dearest in this world4 ,her lips would never again whisper words of love2 her heart had ceased to feel that passion which had proved her destruction4 ,the lover's cries aroused the house1 and brought out the trembling mother to behold her daughter still undisturbed1 with the horror of sudden and cruel death upon her unmitigated4 ,and amid the shrieks of the parent and the lamentations of the servants1 the maddened lover1 who had been attacked with a frenzy that never left him1 heaped reproaches1 and retaliated with curses on her whose curses seemed in his insanity to have caused this terrible calamity4 ,of the parties to this tragedy there were none living in three months2 they were buried in adjoining graves1 at the request of the mother1 who had it done apparently as an atonement4 ,this palliation did not seem to answer1 however1 for on the seventh of every month1 at the hour of eleven1 a ghostly figure slips out of the front door1 whether it is locked or not1 and with a scream falls from the piazza2 a male figure suddenly appears rent with agony at its side1 and then another female wringing her hands in despair1 while the male gesticulates fiercely at her4 ,such is this veritable history as ,i have it from the oldest inhabitant1 and it is no wonder that people do not like living in a house with such associates4 ,i do not often use our horse2 ,i am not fond of driving1 and have a vivid recollection of the early accidents with horse-flesh heretofore mentioned2 but when it became necessary to buy a pig1 my judgment was indispensable1 and ,i was compelled to drive to the place of his residence--which was the haunted house4 ,i did not know that it was haunted1 and1 being well aware of the decorum that requires the master of the establishment to 8tool0 his coachman1 no matter how much more competent the latter may be1 ,i took the reins1 and dashed in grand style along the entrance to the door4 ,leaving the coachman at the animal's head1 ,i walked to the pig-pen1 which was in the rear of the house1 and there was soon engrossed in admiring the beautiful little creature that ,i have already described4 ,many minutes were devoted to the contemplation of his innumerable fine points1 and ,i was only aroused by the noise of a struggle1 shouts for help1 and a clatter of hoofs4 ,instantly running toward the front1 ,i arrived just in time to see the heels of ,dandy ,jim--for such was the animal's name--disappearing round the corner1 and to help my groom1 who was lying on his back in the road1 upon his feet4 ,it seemed that the horse had stood perfectly quiet for several minutes1 then became uneasy1 began to tremble1 and turn his head with a wild look over his shoulder4 ,in spite of the efforts of the coachman1 who was a powerful fellow1 and had been severely bruised in the struggle1 he reared and plunged violently1 and finally1 breaking away1 dashed round the circle1 out at the entrance1 and away up the road4 ,the man firmly believed that ,dandy had seen the ghost1 which was now mentioned for the first time1 although my views inclined to accept the occurrence as an outcropping of the original sin of the horse family4 ,the pursuit of a runaway horse is a melancholy operation--his speed is so much greater than his pursuer's2 his means of flight so much better than the latter's opportunities for stopping him2 he has four feet to set against two1 and knows so well how to use them2 he has such unpleasant soundness of wind and limb1 and such a raging devil inside of him1 while the satisfaction of recovering ruined dbris is so slight1 and the mode of punishment so vague4 ,i followed along as best ,i might1 picking up a cushion here1 a blanket there1 the whip in one place1 and the seat in another1 inquiring of every one that ,i met whether they had seen a horse1 and being invariably answered 8that they guessed they had40 ,it is enough to say that1 after smashing every thing to pieces1 tearing the body of the wagon from the wheels1 tossing out what was movable1 and ruining his harness1 ,dandy ,jim became satisfied1 and allowed a rustic to catch him4 ,here was a pretty family horse--afraid of a ghost when all respectable families teach their children that there are no such things as ghosts2 running away under supernatural1 and without even the excuse of mortal1 terror4 ,i felt like shooting or selling--probably the latter1 on economical principles--,dandy ,jim1 but eventually concluded to repair1 or1 more properly1 remake the wagon4 ,i could only have sold out at a great loss--and ,i so rarely rode behind him4 ,dandy had several peculiarities of temper besides his fear of ghosts4 ,he did not like steam-engines--if he had known how many people they kill1 he would have been entirely justifiable2 so one day1 when ,i was crossing the track after having been to make a visit to a friend--for no one visits on foot in the country--,dandy ,jim saw the engine approaching4 ,that was sufficient2 he immediately rose on his hind legs and pawed the air4 ,this might possibly have contented him1 but the leather straps1 which were not intended to stand such a strain1 gave way1 and the wagon came upon his heels4 ,what then happened ,i do not precisely know2 he seemed to fly2 occasionally he would appear to rise above the trees1 and then to descend into the bowels of the earth2 he leaped from side to side of the road with an ease and rapidity that would have shamed a well-practiced kangaroo2 the wagon bounded after him like the tail to a boy's kite when the latter gets pitching about with the violence of the wind1 while his heels played like flashes of lightning far over my head4 ,fortunately1 a countryman ran to my assistance and held back the wagon1 while another caught the horse by the head4 ,i rewarded those men liberally4 ,now a family horse should not kick1 nor plunge1 nor rear4 ,another of his peculiarities was a dislike to standing4 ,he did not mind standing in the stable in the least1 but when he was harnessed he expected to keep moving4 ,i hardly drove him sufficiently to learn his eccentricities of temper1 and on one occasion laid down the reins for a moment4 ,he immediately started1 and the reins slipped over the dash-board out of reach4 ,reader1 have you ever experienced the feeling of being run away with--,i mean1 female reader--by a horse8 ,if not1 do not aspire to it4 ,it is not pleasant4 ,the motion is rapid1 and perhaps exhilarating1 but it is not smooth1 and the mode of stopping is uncertain4 ,there is little to do1 and probably much to suffer1 with a possibility of ceasing to be4 ,dandy1 instead of being a family horse1 ought to have been a race-horse2 his speed was wonderful1 though ,i forgot to time it4 ,i held by the dash-board1 and shouted 8ho60 at the top of my voice4 ,evidently his knowledge of ,english was imperfect2 he mistook 8ho0 for 8go10 and the more ,i shouted the faster he went4 ,illustration ,where we went1 or how we went1 ,i never knew4 ,when ,i came to my ordinary senses1 and escaped from what seemed to me like a blazing comet on a 8bust10 ,i found myself on the top of a pile of soft dirt--that species of filth that the farmers obtain in the city1 and put on their lands to make vegetables grow4 ,although it smelled strong1 and my clothes were seriously damaged1 my body proved1 on careful examination1 to be unhurt1 and my mental nature only badly scared4 ,i concluded to sell that family horse4 ,my prejudices and impressions were in this instance1 as in all others1 borne out by the result4 ,i determined to wait1 before ,i drove again1 till ,i could drive my own private steam-engine1 for1 with good management1 ,i believe steam-engines run smoother than horses4 ,it is hardly necessary to mention other peculiarities1 such as an insane desire to eat me up whenever ,i passed near his head1 in entire disregard of the fact that ,nature had not made him carnivorous1 and an equally intense wish to kick me with his heels whenever ,i passed by his flanks4 ,these idiosyncracies prevented my visiting the stable frequently1 while our out-door acquaintance he had made short1 and not sweet4 ,fortunately1 he was lame most of the time1 and when he was not lame he wanted shoeing1 so that the family were not able to risk their lives unreasonably often4 ,all this while the pig had been quietly feeding and growing2 in fact1 a pig is a very different sort of animal4 ,a pig never runs away and smashes wagons2 ,illustration a pig never kicks people1 nor dashes out their brains1 nor drags them by stirrups1 nor does other such disagreeable things1 but is gentle and sweet tempered2 he is all good4 ,a boar's head was the famous dish of antiquity2 his hams1 and shoulders1 and sides enable nations to carry on war1 ships to go to sea1 and commerce to exist2 his bristles help us to keep our heads and clothes clean2 his skin bestrides his competitor--and then1 upon the classic rule of a part standing for the whole1 he is in his right place2 his petitoes are the delight of connoisseurs2 his entrails are converted into delicious sausages2 and who has not read the apotheosis of roast pig8 ,of a horse1 the hide and bones perhaps are useful1 but the worthless carcass is only fit for carrion2 dangerous in life1 while in death his boiling bones breed a pestilence4 ,which1 then1 is the nobler animal8 ,,note4--,my horse has just run away again1 and ,i must go and collect the wagon4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,country1 ,,and ,,how ,,to ,,get ,,there4 ,a very large portion of every man's life is expended in transporting himself from one place to another1 and there are several modes of doing it4 ,the most disagreeable and disgusting is to crowd into a city railroad car1 and the next is to ride in an omnibus2 the dyspeptic rich use carriages1 the healthy poor do not2 you can go on horseback if you know how to stay there and your horse is agreeable2 in cold weather skating is rapid1 in warm weather steam-boats carry you luxuriantly2 and1 if time is an object1 and life is none1 you trust yourself to the locomotive4 ,to reach ,flushing1 you must use both steam-boat and railroad4 8,there is one thing10 said ,weeville1 in the commencement of our enterprise1 with his usual enthusiastic manner1 8that you will appreciate--the access to ,flushing is most convenient2 there are twelve trains each way daily1 and they run with perfect regularity4 ,no railroad in the country is so well managed as ours1 and no trip could be pleasanter4 ,you have a half hour on the ferry-boat1 and almost twenty minutes in the cars1 just a delightful variety and absolute safety4 ,why1 they have never killed a passenger since the track was laid40 ,this was certainly satisfactory information1 and ,i had to regret that the necessity of repairing this admirable road compelled its intelligent and exemplary managers to reduce the number of trains considerably the very day ,i commenced building4 ,but it was certainly time the repairs were made1 as a train had just broken through a bridge1 and commenced the customary business of killing passengers2 and the entire pile-work1 which constitutes one half the track1 was discovered to be utterly rotted out4 ,i was not sorry the repairs were commenced1 although ,i was sadly inconvenienced1 as the speed and regularity had apparently both decayed with the woodwork4 ,compared with other places1 the superior accessibility of ,flushing was apparent4 ,the delay would be temporary1 and for good purpose2 whereas1 if you wish to live on the ,north ,river1 it is an even chance that you are dumped into the water every day or two2 if you travel by the ,long ,island road1 you must carry a month's provision1 and carefully avoid standing on the platforms or sitting in the front car--collisions1 at the moderate speed of this road1 rarely affect the rear cars2 if you are on the line of the ,erie1 or ,morris and ,essex1 you will have to clamber over ,bergen ,hill1 and take the train after it comes out of the tunnel1 provided you desire an approach to safety2 and the weight and inconvenience of a life-preserver on a hot summer day--even one of the patent portable blow-up-able vests of modern invention--render steam-boat travel unendurable4 ,in going to ,flushing you have a double cause for rejoicing--you are first thankful when you are safe off the steam-boat and on board the cars1 and1 in returning1 doubly thankful when you are safe out of the cars and back again on the steam-boat4 ,there is an unreasonable prejudice in the public mind against being killed on a railroad4 ,there are many worse deaths3 there is hanging1 for instance1 but that1 alas6 is rare1 or we should have fewer aldermen2 there is being broken on the wheel on the ,french antique model1 or sawed asunder after the ,chinese fashion2 lockjaw is unpleasant1 apoplexy uncomfortable1 and epilepsy repulsive4 ,in fact1 death is so disagreeable1 and comes in so many ways1 that a man hardly knows how to make a judicious choice4 ,therefore ,i always sit on the end seat1 provided the ladies1 as is their artless habit1 bless their souls6 have each occupied a bench to herself1 and have thus taken up all the room1 for ,i would as lief any time face death as a strange woman with a hoop-skirt4 ,besides1 by so doing ,i have a monopoly of this bench myself1 and1 if ,i am to be killed1 have it done out of hand and without prolonged inconvenience4 ,the ,flushing cars were crowded1 which proves what a thriving place it was1 for the gentlemanly directors would certainly never willingly inconvenience or unnecessarily crowd their passengers2 and the dpt is not skillfully constructed4 ,alongside the platform was the track of the ,long ,island road1 beyond it a narrow strip of two or three boards1 and then the ,flushing track4 ,as the ,long ,island train was always in1 or coming in1 or going out when the ,flushing train was about to start1 much practice1 nerve1 and courage were required to reach it safely4 ,the other train had either to be stormed or avoided2 passengers had to dribble in a long line between the tracks1 or climb over the platform of the ,long ,island cars2 and1 since no one insulted them by gratuitous advice1 they not unfrequently took the wrong train4 ,as nerve1 courage1 and presence of mind are valuable qualities1 and rarely cultivated among ladies1 ,hunter's ,point dpt was equal to a public school1 and deserved the commendation of the public4 ,no man or woman who has safely traveled by this road for a year need dread 8the battle or the breeze40 ,any one who can stand on a platform not more than two feet wide1 and1 unmoved1 let one train whiz past in one direction and another whiz past in the contrary1 without allowing dress or person to be caught or struck1 deserves a diploma for self-command4 ,of course1 a few 8go under0 in learning how1 but the mass of the traveling public is vastly improved by the experience4 ,the completion of the repairs of the road was not followed by an immediate return to traditional punctuality4 ,i remember reaching ,hunter's ,point one evening by the ,twenty-third ,street ferry 8just in time to be too late20 the train did not wait for the boat1 which was delayed because the pilot had a curious incapacity for steering into the dock1 and usually ran against all the pile-work of the neighborhood4 ,the train went out of the dpt as ,i came into it4 ,there was only an hour to wait1 however1 and a person should never be without that amount of patience2 so ,i sat down on the platform1 dangling my feet over the edge1 as was the universal custom1 and commenced to endure an hour's unnecessary existence4 ,it is queer how we hate life when it is forced upon us1 and how we love it when there is danger of its being taken away from us4 ,there sat half a dozen men who would have given from five to fifty dollars each to have had sixty minutes less of life1 whereas the wretch on the scaffold would give five thousand for sixty minutes more4 ,the hour went by1 then another1 and another1 each bringing accessions to the crowd of anxious1 hungry1 unhappy waiting men and women that clung round the dpt like drones round a hive1 and giving me plenty of time to work out the foregoing speculations4 ,night came upon us4 ,the only official--the ticket-man--shut up his office and went home1 probably to a loving wife and family2 the brakeman put out all but one light2 five o'clock had resolved itself into ten4 ,conveyances of all kinds1 from a carriage down to a swill-cart1 were in demand to carry passengers to ,flushing2 fares by these novel and somewhat dilatory vehicles ranged from one dollar to five4 ,men became disgusted1 women exhausted1 and children irrepressible2 but still no train4 ,when ,i left in despair1 at about midnight1 the men had fallen asleep on the benches1 while women were frantically demanding where there was a respectable hotel4 ,next day it appeared that the train had run off the track4 ,on this road the engine had1 in those early days of its unperfected existence1 the habit of running with one end foremost while going1 and with the other end foremost when returning2 so that1 as it unfortunately is not provided with a cow-catcher at both extremities1 it occasionally met with difficulties4 ,on this particular occasion1 during the return trip1 a stupid ox had planted himself in the way1 entirely forgetting that the cow-catcher was not there for him1 and absolutely succeeded in discommoding and annoying at least five hundred people1 besides killing himself--a piece of stupidity on his part only worthy of an ox4 ,the trains had become very variable2 during the first week of my residence in ,flushing1 out of the six trips four were failures1 and in the first month ,i had completed the round of experiences4 ,the boat had missed the train1 and the train had missed the boat2 the boat had blown or burnt up--,i never knew which--and the train had gone off the track4 ,several men who were not experienced in dodging had been killed2 fuel had given out1 and water dried up2 engines had grown wheezy1 and bridges become rickety2 the pilot had run down the dock entirely1 and the engine reduced its speed to six miles an hour4 ,once the train started before the time1 but the outsiders became so enraged that no train ever afterward started on time2 in fact1 every conceivable mode of evading punctuality had been tested1 but ,i was happy1 at the conclusion1 to be able to repeat the immortal words1 8,i still live40 ,philosophy is a great resource under such circumstances1 and1 after all1 there is often as much gained as lost by a want of punctuality4 ,many a comfortable nap and undisturbed perusal of the daily papers--two pleasures for which the ordinary day rarely furnishes opportunities--have ,i had by the aid of the ,flushing ,railroad4 ,some persons grumbled1 and abused the officials1 and uttered bad language1 but it did no good4 ,the employs soon became used to the disappointment1 why should not the passengers8 ,on one occasion1 when the locomotive had been wheezing along at a snail's pace1 stopping frequently to rest and take breath1 ,i became alarmed1 and asked a brakeman what was the matter with the engine4 ,this was temerity on my part1 for railroad men do not approve of familiarity from passengers1 and ,i dreaded the result as he gazed calmly at me2 but suddenly a smile broke over his countenance1 and he answered laconically1 8,played out40 ,the conductor was another sort of man2 when an unhappy passenger1 who had not borne his trials well1 and during the summer had uttered numerous complaints1 was finding fault toward the close of the season with some omission or commission1 the conductor1 whose patience had been entirely exhausted1 turned upon him with1 8,you have been casting slurs on our railroad all summer2 now what do you know about it80 8,why1 ,i have been spending the season at ,flushing1 and have been traveling on it40 8,then let me tell you1 it is as well managed as other railroads1 and if you don't like it you need not ride on it4 ,i don't want any passengers who are not satisfied40 ,this was putting things on their true basis2 some silly people think it a swindle when certain times are advertised but not kept1 when boats are taken off without notice1 connections are not made1 and the time of passengers is wasted2 but they seem to forget that they need not go by rail4 ,if they do not wish to ride1 they can always walk2 the choice is open to them1 and ,flushing is only six miles off4 ,,note4--,since the foregoing was written all this has been changed4 ,the railroad has been put in charge of a newspaper editor4 ,it now has the finest cars1 the best conductors1 and makes the most regular time of any road in the ,united ,states4 ,my lots are not all sold yet4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,a ,,well4 8,if 'twere well done when 'twere done1 'twere well 'twere done quickly40 ,some of the incidents connected with digging our well have already been referred to1 but good water is so necessary to a country place that the mode of obtaining it deserves a separate chapter4 ,well-digging is a profession1 and the most cultivated master of the art to be found in the neighborhood had been engaged1 immediately after the foundation of the house was commenced1 to dig the well4 ,it was strange1 however1 how many people at about the same time had determined to do the same thing2 it seemed as though the entire village had been seized with a mania for sinking wells4 ,he was exceedingly busy1 and was compelled1 much against his wishes1 to demand an exorbitant price for his services4 ,he regretted it deeply1 but he would have to ask four dollars and a half a foot4 ,as the ordinary price was about a dollar1 it was certainly honest of him to explain beforehand the necessities of his situation2 and although it was inconvenient that the villagers should have been stricken with this fancy at so inopportune a moment1 it was certainly fortunate that the man was so honest4 ,he was employed at once1 and strongly impressed with the necessity of the utmost haste4 ,it is probable that his other engagements engrossed much of his time4 ,the well did not progress rapidly2 but1 as it soon appeared that the house would not be completed for occupation before the ensuing summer1 the immediate necessity for drinking-water was done away with4 ,there is a wonderful romance about the 8old oaken bucket40 ,many a time in youthful days have ,i plunged my nose into its liquid contents1 and choked myself1 and poured the water down my shirt-front1 in frantic endeavors to drink from its thick rim2 often have ,i lowered the empty vessel far into the bowels of the earth1 and jumped it up and down at the risk of dashing it to pieces against the stone sides1 in order to fill it1 and then puffed over the heavy pull of bringing it1 laden with the cooling crystal1 to the surface4 ,with due reverence have ,i studied the many poetical things which have been said in its honor2 but the days of oaken buckets are numbered2 they have been succeeded by force-pumps1 and chain-pumps1 and iron pumps1 that save the muscles1 but offend the sensibilities4 ,were it not that ,i was subject to the dominion of several ,irish maidens1 denominated servants1 ,i should certainly have sacrificed utility to beauty2 but1 under the force of a ukase from them1 ,i was compelled to buy a pump4 ,of the various patterns of these1 a pretty iron one had taken my fancy1 and no sooner was the well completed than it was purchased4 ,unfortunately1 the entire village of ,flushing was then putting in pumps1 and there was no possibility of having it set up for two entire weeks4 ,we had just occupied the house opposite1 which had no well1 and we depended for water upon our own4 ,header1 have you ever hauled up water from a well in a pail8 ,if you have not1 you should learn to do it2 it requires skill and courage4 ,you must balance yourself carefully on a few loose planks1 and1 peering down giddily into the dark hole that yawns beneath1 you must lower the pail with a long rope for what seems an endless distance1 and when it reaches the bottom1 will have to jerk it about vigorously1 as it obstinately refuses for a long time to fill2 and then you must draw up carefully the heavy weight that threatens to pull you in1 instead of your pulling it out2 and manage not to let it touch the sides1 as that will spill the contents4 ,all the while the slipping of board1 or earth1 or foot will necessitate the calling together of a coroner's jury4 ,it is a pity that there is no way of falling down a well comfortably4 ,if you go down head foremost1 your feet stick out above the water1 it is true1 but you do not breathe through that portion of the body2 if you strike feet foremost1 the climb back is such a long and uncertain journey2 and if you go down doubled up1 you are apt to find trouble in straightening out4 ,every time a maid went to the well ,i speculated as to which of these modes she would follow1 and feared that the case of the broken pitcher would be illustrated4 ,this state of things lasted some time1 as the pump-maker found his ,flushing customers more exacting than even he expected2 or possibly his workmen had gone on more sprees than he allowed for4 ,three weeks had gone by1 and we were still drawing water2 and1 what is more1 the water which we did with such infinite pains draw up was far from good4 ,we had been warned that for some time after its completion the well would be dirty2 that before it was finished one or more ,irishmen would have to work waist deep in the water1 which would not recover from their presence for a long while2 but1 instead of improving1 it became worse and worse4 ,at first it tasted badly1 but it soon smelt unendurably4 ,there was a great deal of house-cleaning and washing to do1 but the women finally rebelled1 and flatly refused to use the odoriferous stuff any longer1 even for such base purposes1 and it had been from the first utterly undrinkable4 ,weeville had always boasted of the purity of the water-bed that underlay this entire tract of land1 and in his comparisons had placed it a long way ahead of the ,croton4 ,of course he was called in4 8,it was useless to tell him any thing against the water2 he was not going to believe any visionary stories originated by ,irish servant-girls--he must taste it40 ,this he did not do1 however2 the smell was enough4 8,pheugh60 he burst forth as it approached his nose4 8,i will tell you what is the matter--the well has never been cleaned out2 that infernal well-digger has taken advantage of you1 and left the pieces of dirt and rubbish that fall in--old bits of dinner1 fragments of meat and cheese1 perhaps--and which must always be removed1 or they will decay1 and spoil the water for a long time40 ,i immediately went after the well-digger in an intense state of wrath1 and rated him soundly for his conduct2 but he not only swore by all that was truthful that he had cleaned out the well1 but called up the man that did it4 ,a severe cross-examination having convinced me that they both told the truth1 ,i returned home wondering how long it would take to learn to like stinking1 as the ,mississippians have learned to like dirty1 water4 ,i have always had a weakness for water4 ,whisky is the natural ,american drink2 lager bier is admirably suited to the ,teutonic mistiness of intellect2 the frothy ,champagne is adapted to the volatile ,frenchman1 and the thick ale to the muddled ,englishman4 ,brandy is suitable for men1 if we are to believe high authority4 ,gin1 in the shape of schnapps1 was the daily potation of our respectable ,dutch ancestors4 ,both are irreproachable liquors1 and rum deserves a better reputation2 but pure1 cold1 transparent spring or well water1 fresh from its bubbling fountain1 or drawn from the cold recesses of its deep receptacle1 has always been very attractive to me1 and for washing purposes it has no equal4 ,the prospect1 therefore1 of doing without water was unpleasant4 ,cows1 and horses1 and pigs have not learned to appreciate strong drinks2 they prefer the native element2 and to draw for half a mile from the nearest good pump as much as a cow and a horse can swallow would require pretty nearly the entire time of the latter4 ,in the midst of our troubles1 the rope broke--not the golden cord1 fortunately1 of any member of the household1 but the cord that was fastened to the pail4 ,here was a dilemma6 ,to fish up a bucket out of forty feet of darkness was difficult2 to use another pail till the first was removed was impossible4 ,i began to think it would be necessary to dig a new well1 when ,i was informed that a man could climb down the present one4 ,this seemed to me a feat worthy of ,hanlon2 but ,i was prepared for the last extremities1 even death itself--provided it was not my own--and simply said1 8,let him do it10 as though seeing men cling to a slippery wall of stones1 like a fly on a pane of glass1 had been the commonest experience of my life4 ,how he managed ,i did not care to see2 but that he did go to the bottom was proved by what he brought up1 which was1 not the pail1 but--a dead cat6 ,cats are a singular and unreliable race2 they never possess the intelligence of dogs1 and are given to strange vagaries4 ,they roam about continually1 and wander no one knows whither2 but what should take a cat to the bottom of my well ,i can not understand4 ,they are graceful creatures1 and old maids and little children think them handsome2 but1 after they have been in water for three weeks1 and become much puffed up with their position1 they are not handsome4 ,still1 ,i was very glad to see that cat4 ,illustration ,the well-water visibly improved1 and the pump was finally completed4 ,to be sure1 the maker could not spare time to put it up1 but other men were readily engaged1 and one evening1 on my return from the city1 ,i found it duly installed in its place1 looking very attractive4 ,it was a neat and appropriate pump1 and1 remembering the inconveniences and dangers of drawing water with a pail1 ,i joyfully seized the handle and commenced to pump4 ,i worked away right manfully for a few moments1 but did not manage to bring up any water4 ,when ,i stopped for an instant1 a long sigh seemed to express the thing's regret that it could not accommodate me1 or the sufferings to which my exertions put it4 ,i recommenced1 and appeared to gain for a little distance1 to judge by the effort required1 but at a certain point success deserted me2 the pump evidently was not equal to the occasion4 ,i worked away on that hot ,august afternoon till the perspiration ran freely1 if the water did not2 and1 when entirely convinced1 if not satisfied1 ,i indulged in as little strong language as the circumstances would admit1 and sent for the pump-maker4 ,his bill had not been paid1 and he came at once4 ,when informed of the difficulty1 he seized the pump-handle with amusing alacrity1 but a few strokes changed his confidence to doubt4 ,when he paused1 the same appalling sigh that had greeted me announced a similar result1 and ,i smiled amid my misery to see his manner change as he recommenced4 ,after two or three attempts1 he stopped suddenly and inquired1 8,how deep is your well80 ,he was not going to get off by any subterfuge if ,i could help it1 so ,i answered promptly1 8,never mind that2 the well is deep enough40 8,but what is the depth8 ,it is essential to know40 8,don't worry yourself about that now2 fix your pump first10 was the ready response4 8,i can not do so till ,i know the depth of the well40 8,well1 then1 if you are so anxious to be informed1 it is forty-five feet deep--deep enough1 in all conscience40 8,that is the trouble1 of course2 the pump won't suck40 8,of course it is1 that is plain enough2 and ,i expect you to give me one that will suck40 8,but how can ,i80 8,that is your affair1 not mine10 beginning to be put out at the coolness of the fellow4 8,i want a pump that will suck60 8,why10 he replied1 8don't you know that no pump will draw at over thirty feet80 ,suddenly the remembrance of school-days and their instruction came back to me2 a vacuum and its properties1 the weight of a column of air1 and all that1 returned to my mind after a long absence4 ,i recalled the rule of fifteen pounds to a square inch1 the power of suction--which for many years ,i had only tested with a straw and a julep--and the comparative specific gravity of water4 ,early education is a good thing1 and the natural sciences are almost as practical as the learned classics4 ,without a remark1 ,i left that pump-maker and his pump1 and retired to the cool privacy of my neighboring dwelling4 ,a wooden pump with a long rod is in my well1 and it not only sucks1 but lifts2 the water is very fine4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,a ,,kitchen ,,garden4 ,to the full enjoyment of a country house1 there are few things more conducive than a large1 well-filled kitchen garden4 ,the farmers generally1 with a wrong-headedness that is incomprehensible1 neglect one of the most important sources of supply for the table2 they devote themselves to the heavy crops--the staples of agriculture--that are scattered through the fields1 and overlook the vast additional amount of food that may be concentrated in an acre4 ,they condemn themselves to the everlasting routine of bread1 potatoes1 and salt meat1 forgetting that the labor of a few hours occasionally of themselves or their children in the garden would furnish an agreeable1 healthy1 and nutritive variety of edibles4 ,this1 being a matter of dollars and cents as well as health1 merited the closest attention from so practical a person as myself1 and was taken in hand promptly1 and the account of my success carries me back a little in matter of time4 ,it was late in ,april when the contract was closed for the building of the country house1 and it was essential to prepare and plant the kitchen garden immediately4 ,my ideas on the subject were vague4 ,i knew what ,i wanted1 but had not an accurate conception how those wants were to be converted into realities4 ,i must have a choice1 yet ample supply4 ,fresh asparagus is so delicate1 fresh peas so tender1 fresh lettuce so crisp1 cauliflower so immaculate1 cabbages so rich1 beets so racy1 and every other vegetable so much better when just pulled4 ,there should be a plenteous variety1 from the humble radish up to the aristocratic egg-plant--through all the range of carrots1 turnips1 celery1 spinach1 and cucumbers--every thing that creeps1 climbs1 or stands--but1 above all1 must there be a grand1 deep1 rich bed of asparagus1 with heads as big as your thumb4 ,the fruits1 too1 should not be forgotten3 blackberries1 gooseberries1 raspberries1 and especially strawberries2 pears1 plums1 and apples--dwarfs and standards2 currants1 grapes1 and quinces2 the numberless productions of the earth that wise men eat before breakfast or after dinner4 ,with these numerous necessaries1 it was apparent that the planting must be done at once if it was to produce a satisfactory result this year4 ,but1 before striking a spade1 it was necessary to lay out the ground1 and here1 although the undertaking was different from planning a house1 my natural abilities stood me in good stead4 ,after much study1 the plot was divided into beds of about five feet width1 so that the plants could be plucked without treading on them2 ,i laid out broad walks at right angles to one another1 like grand avenues1 to be shaded by the future pear and apple trees1 and in my mind determined to cover them with pure1 white1 salt-water pebbles4 ,i left a narrow border along the outer edge for currant and raspberry bushes1 marked places for the fruit-trees every fifteen feet1 and devoted one bed to strawberries1 another to tomatoes1 a third to sweet corn1 and so on4 ,i noticed that there seemed to be about as much walk as bed1 but this ,i had been accustomed to in flower gardens in the city1 and thought produced a pleasing effect4 ,before these dispositions were determined on1 the grass had grown considerably1 the spring being early1 and to get rid of it1 as 8,bridgeman's ,assistant10 which1 with 8,ten ,acres ,enough10 was my constant companion1 contained no directions to meet the case1 the advice of ,weeville was called for4 ,he said the land must be plowed1 harrowed1 and well dug over1 and asked where the kitchen garden was to be placed4 ,it was with no little satisfaction that ,i produced my plans1 anticipating his surprise and pleasure1 and laid them proudly before him4 ,he gazed a moment1 and exclaimed1 8,what is all this80 ,not a little amused with his perplexity1 ,i explained the design1 and pointed out its advantages4 ,he kept his eyes on it in a dazed sort of way1 and then blurted out1 8,you have twice as much walk as you have bed40 8,not quite--not quite10 ,i responded2 8but still that is quite a feature2 they will be attractive1 covered with white gravel40 8,white gravel6 ,what is that for80 he exclaimed4 8,nonsense2 your walks will be overrun with weeds1 and you will have enough to do to keep them out of your beds4 ,i'll fix your garden for you1 now ,i know where you want it40 ,before ,i could protest1 he rushed away1 taking my plans with him1 as though they were of no value whatever1 with that wretched conceit which characterizes your practical man1 not even waiting to hear a full explanation of my views1 and evidently not appreciating them4 ,he set his men to work next day without so much as consulting me4 ,leaving ,weeville's men hard at work with plow and harrow over the practical portion of the undertaking1 ,i set to work with 8,bridgeman's ,assistant10 and soon learned how to trench and make drills--which1 to my great astonishment1 proved not to be holes--and became acquainted with the uses of the various garden implements4 ,the quality and nature of the soil was quite a puzzle2 but1 as it had been ascertained by sinking the well that the upper six feet was a stiff1 clayey substance1 and beneath there was a pure stratum of sand1 there could be little doubt but it must be a loam1 which is described as a mixture of clay and sand4 ,it was a fine1 strong yellow1 and my general impression was that loam is dark2 but of its depth there could be no question1 as the well-diggers went down forty-five feet before they reached water1 and encountered no rock whatever4 ,there were many surprising statements in 8,bridgeman's ,assistant40 ,it would seem natural that seeds1 especially of radishes1 beets1 or carrots1 should be planted at least a foot deep1 so that the root might be long2 but the author insisted that they should be covered with only two inches of earth4 ,unfortunately1 however1 as my investigations proceeded1 some pleasing illusions were dissipated2 one vegetable after another had to be given up1 for the entire kingdom seemed to be governed by the most absurd laws2 and when it was ascertained that strawberries would not bear the first season1 and that asparagus might produce heads in the course of three years1 ,i was in despair4 ,weeville1 however1 who confirmed these doleful discoveries1 came to my rescue by inquiring in an enthusiastic way whether ,i had ever eaten a ,daniel ,o',rourke pea4 ,i replied that doubtless ,i had1 as ,i paid the highest price in market4 8,oh1 pshaw60 he answered1 8they are never sold in market2 wait till you eat a ,daniel ,o',rourke pea1 and then you can say you know what peas are4 ,there are plenty of vegetables that you will be in time to plant2 the ground is plowed and harrowed1 and the ,irishman is digging out the sods4 ,a hard time he is having of it2 the grass got up too high1 and he has to break them up and shake each one out with a pitchfork4 ,no person should live in the country without a garden2 mine is the greatest comfort ,i have1 and saves nearly half the expense of living40 ,so1 it being clearly an economy1 my investigations were pursued diligently4 ,a long list of the best vegetables still attainable was selected1 consisting of early ,mohawk and ,lima beans1 blood turnip-rooted beets1 long orange carrots1 long green cucumbers1 sweet corn1 large green-head lettuce1 silver-skinned onions1 ,dutch parsnips1 and ,daniel ,o',rourke peas1 and purchased at the seed-store for the moderate sum of four dollars and fifty cents1 according to the particular entry made in my memorandum-book at the time4 ,the necessary tools1 such as wheel-barrows1 spades1 hoes1 drills1 cultivators1 etc41 were added1 but the charge for these seems to have been omitted2 and when ,weeville reported that the first planting--two rows of ,daniel ,o',rourke peas--had been completed1 ,i invited a couple of friends to ride over on horseback to see my country place1 for ,i was still living in the city4 ,the house was then in its foundation state1 but the garden would be well worth a visit4 ,it is a beautiful ride to ,flushing4 ,an intelligent man1 named ,jackson1 has built an excellent turnpike--almost the only one in our country--and1 with justifiable pride1 has called it after himself4 ,the scenery is diversified with hill and dale1 with fertile fields and dense woods1 and1 before reaching the village1 the highway skirts the bay1 and presents a clear view for some distance up the ,sound4 ,we clattered along past the bridge and through the village out to the five-acre plot4 ,there it lay1 bare and charming1 without a fence1 almost without a tree2 the house scattered in every direction2 the foundation going up and the well going down2 heaps of sand collected here and there1 and a platform for mixing mortar directly where the flowers ought to be2 but where the garden8 ,we rode in every direction1 and at last made out that a little bare spot which we had been over1 forward and back1 several times1 and which was about twelve feet long by three wide1 must be it4 ,we did not dismount1 but1 consoling ourselves with the idea that the earth had been well stirred with our horses' hoofs--for stirring the earth is essential to a productive condition1 as ,bridgeman says--we returned to the city4 ,next day ,weeville went to oversee the ,irishman1 who was hard at work struggling to subdue the sods on another twelve feet by three1 and was surprised to find many of the peas out of the ground4 ,he took a hoe and replanted them1 treading them down so as to keep them under for the future2 and1 having done this with a dozen or more1 turned to ,patrick1 and told him that he must be more careful hereafter1 and must cover the peas well with earth4 8,sure and ,i am sorely puzzled1 sir10 replied ,patrick2 8,i have been all the morning poking the pays back under the earth4 ,i've been thinking there must have been somebody over it1 for they were all out of the ground intirely40 ,considering that three horses had been trampling back and forth over the bed the night before1 ,patrick was about right4 ,but he had other difficulties to contend with more formidable than horses' hoofs4 ,the sod was strong1 not having been disturbed for years1 and it was many days before there was any thing resembling regular beds4 ,in time1 however1 the peas appeared above ground2 egg-plants were transplanted2 beans crept up1 and demanded poles to climb on2 queer-looking1 weedy affairs1 that ,weeville designated cauliflowers or tomatoes1 as he pleased1 made themselves conspicuous1 and the success of the undertaking seemed assured--when one morning ,pat rushed up to ,weeville's place1 and1 with staring eyes1 announced that the cows had grazed off all the peas4 ,any animal that entered that plot of ground appeared instinctively to know where the garden was1 although better-endowed creatures might have trouble to find it1 and either wanted to rest or pasture there1 or at least to run over it4 ,but when they proceeded to graze on the peas1 it became serious1 and upon ,pat's announcing1 the following week1 that they had been at it again1 ,weeville called upon me to say that there must be a fence round the lot1 or he would not answer for the garden4 ,pat was set to work at once building fence4 ,since the days of the ,tower of ,babel1 when the world was divided up into tribes1 the nations have been distinguished by peculiar aptitudes4 ,the ,english nation has a gift for building pirate ships1 the ,french for fashioning new dresses1 the ,chinese for growing pig-tails and cutting off heads1 the ,russians for eating candles1 the ,turks for stealing wives1 the ,americans for doing a little of every thing1 and the ,irish for digging holes4 ,pat never could learn to use a saw or an axe1 or even to drive a nail without splitting the wood1 but he could dig against the world4 ,he proceeded at once to make the holes for the posts of the fence4 ,while he was thus occupied1 however1 the garden was neglected1 and as he could not by any possibility keep the holes in a line1 and consequently wasted much time1 the weeds grew apace4 ,it requires a great many boards to reach round five acres1 and the holes for the posts had to be very numerous4 ,the cows1 having discovered the superior qualities of ,daniel ,o',rourke peas1 paid them regular visits1 and kept them well cropped1 so that the garden fared badly4 ,pat dug so many holes1 in consequence of making them either out of line or at an improper distance1 that he might almost be said to have trenched the lot2 and by the time he was through1 and before the posts were all up1 or the fence more than half finished1 it was time to cut the grass4 ,this was a season of scarcity of labor4 ,the high prices had satisfied the working-men that their time was too valuable to waste on every menial kind of drudgery1 and they were particular1 not only in selecting their masters1 but their employment2 so that ,pat had to be the main reliance1 with the occasional aid of a half-grown boy1 to take hold of all the 8odd jobs0 required by a country place4 ,he not only planted the garden1 and built the fence1 and helped in the house1 and dug in the well1 but he must mow the grass and milk the cow4 ,in fact1 if there was any thing that nobody else could or would do1 ,pat was called upon4 ,the grass was very fine4 ,a handsome flower1 with rich yellow centre1 surrounded by a single white row of radiating petals1 called a daisy--the lovely flower celebrated so frequently in ,english poetry1 and the apt simile for all that is virtuous and innocent--had grown to great luxuriance1 proving the uncommon richness of the soil4 ,its stalk was a foot long1 and the pretty floweret topped the grass1 and by its vast numbers lent a uniform tone of color to the entire lot4 ,there seemed to be almost as much daisy as there was grass1 which was what the natives called 8switch grass10 and they were both knee-high4 ,this crop was especially thick and heavy on the upper portion of the plot1 as the carts and wagons had been in the habit1 entirely regardless of the enormous damages they occasioned1 of driving over the lower end1 and the cattle of the neighborhood had grazed it pretty thoroughly4 ,there was1 consequently1 only about an acre and a half left to mow1 and ,pat1 with the aid of the boy1 had that done in a day or two4 ,in my youthful days1 often 8of a summer day0 ,i had 8raked the meadow1 sweet with hay10 and consequently had learned the importance of sun in hay-making4 ,unfortunately1 no sooner was the hay cut and scattered about than there came on the heaviest rain of the season2 it was a veritable northeaster1 and lasted four or five days4 ,the barn1 which was expected to hold the crop1 existed as yet only in anticipation2 and when the hay did finally dry1 it had to be collected in a pile1 which ,weeville called a stack1 and left to the mercy of the elements4 ,however1 the labor cost only about seven dollars1 and ,i was offered seventeen dollars for the stack1 so that there was a clear profit of ten dollars4 ,this was so encouraging that ,i felt almost inclined to lay down the entire five acres in grass1 until ,i remembered that if an acre and a half produced ten dollars1 five acres would only yield about thirty-five dollars--hardly sufficient interest on property valued at ten thousand dollars4 ,when the hay was stacked1 and one board nailed on the fence so that the cattle could no longer wander wheresoever they listed1 a careful examination of the garden gave the following result3 ,weeds profuse and luxuriant2 vegetables scarce and sickly2 peas about six inches high1 well cropped1 without flowers or pods2 tomato-plants small1 and well shaded by the surrounding weeds2 egg-plants entirely invisible1 having probably gone back into the egg in disgust2 bean-poles tall and vigorous1 beans about one foot high1 being nearly up with the neighboring grass1 and apparently unable to climb any higher4 ,the other garden-truck was not to be found1 and it required great discernment to distinguish the garden from the residue of the five acres4 ,weeville said it was no matter1 after all1 as he could supply me with whatever ,i wanted from his garden1 and that it was always cheaper to buy vegetables than to raise them6 ,my glorious anticipations had dwindled2 asparagus1 cabbages1 beets1 strawberries1 raspberries1 pears1 and plums had been given up2 and now the hope of peas1 beans1 tomatoes1 lettuce1 and egg-plants was to be destroyed4 ,that garden on which ,i counted so greatly--which was to have furnished not merely cheap food for my family1 but subject for exultation over city friends--had proved a failure4 ,daniel ,o',rourke peas were not to be2 crisp lettuce could not be dressed in that style of art upon which ,i pride myself1 and handed exultingly round to friends after the woodcock and claret1 as so much superior to the stale1 insipid stuff purchased in the markets4 ,egg-plants1 richest of vegetables1 were not to be pressed upon the surfeited guest as coming from my garden4 ,beans had proved a delusion1 and tomato-vines a snare4 ,all my study of horticultural works was to be thrown away4 ,it is true1 we had raised an egg-plant1 but it was small--so small that we thought of sending it to the agricultural fair as a rare production3 it measured one inch and a half in circumference4 ,we also raised one tomato1 but a careless wretch trod on it1 and crushed it and our hopes together4 ,there was a fine lot of wild radish1 which my friends pronounced to be weeds1 although ,i had hopes for a time that a few of them would become tame4 ,i was disappointed1 however3 they covered the new beds1 as fast as these were cleared and dug1 with a luxuriant clothing of bright green1 and their leaves were pretty and graceful1 but their roots never would come to any thing worth mentioning4 ,it is deeply to be regretted that ,nature has so constituted plants and weeds respectively1 that the former won't grow and the latter will4 ,i did not eat a ,daniel ,o',rourke pea after all4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,flower ,,garden4 ,the results of the effort to produce a kitchen garden out of the raw material of virgin sod was discussed in the last chapter4 ,when it was well under way1 and after ,weeville had1 in his authoritative manner1 taken it off my hands1 ,i turned my attention to the flower garden4 ,of this ,i determined to take entire charge4 ,i had not studied ,bridgeman for weeks1 nor peered into seedsmen's windows1 and examined the peculiarities of all the plants that fell in my way1 for nothing4 ,weeville might superintend the coarse vegetables if he pleased1 but the delicate and elegant parterre of flowers that already existed in my mind's eye was to be my credit and responsibility alone4 ,it was some time before ,i could induce the masons to remove the platform for mortar that they had1 with instinctive stupidity1 placed in the centre of what was to be my principal bed2 but ,i got them off at last1 although they grumbled somewhat at being compelled to carry their loads a considerably longer distance4 ,i had already marked out the general plan on paper with that skill which has been occasionally referred to2 the main idea was taken from a ,chinese puzzle1 and had no equal in the most complicated productions of the ablest masters of landscape gardening1 ancient or modern4 ,it is well known that1 according to the highest standard of the art1 the great point in laying out a garden is to avoid the monotony of tame regularity2 and in that line little more could be done4 ,there were beds shaped like stars and ellipses1 worms and circles1 triangles and octagons2 some were round on one side and flat on the other2 some had big heads and little tails1 and others diminished to nothing at each end2 there were sinuosities and projections1 sharp points and easy curves1 imitation bays and promontories2 large beds suddenly contracted1 narrow ones expanded2 what promised to be a long stretch was broken off unexpectedly1 and there certainly was no danger of monotony4 ,amid these wound the paths in the most admired irregularity1 never leading where one would naturally expect1 and giving the mind a vivid impression of the labyrinth4 ,the arrangement of the beds on paper was not difficult1 but to trace them on the natural sod was another matter4 ,this could not be intrusted to a common workman2 one1 to whom the plan was shown1 insisted upon mistaking the walks for beds1 and even proposed some alterations1 which he called improvements4 ,somehow1 ,i never was very good at the practical part of a design4 ,moreover1 the weather had been dry1 for this point had been reached toward the close of one of the rainless terms that alternated with the floods of this particular season4 ,the ground was hard1 the sun was hot1 and my experience with a shovel--spade my man called it--had been limited2 but the difficulty had to be overcome1 regardless of previous habits1 and1 grasping the shovel bravely1 ,i set to work at once4 ,the centre bed was a circle1 and1 by driving a stake in the ground1 and attaching to it a string1 there was no difficulty in making a faint impression of the outline on the grass4 ,this outline ,i deepened into a shallow furrow with my spade1 although my arms and back ached1 and my clothes were damp with perspiration before ,i had finished4 ,the next figure1 which was a star1 was not so easy2 and when it came to the worms1 and the bays1 and promontories1 there bid fair to be far too little monotony4 ,in fact1 the figures would not take the shapes they assumed on paper1 and the more they were worked at the worse they grew4 ,if they were narrowed1 they became immediately too long2 if they were lengthened1 they had to be widened2 if one part was taken off1 another portion immediately bulged out2 bays were either too deep or too shallow1 promontories either stretched entirely across the adjoining walk or disappeared utterly4 ,the walks were continually being squeezed into a strait that would not by any possibility admit the passage of modern crinoline1 or spread out into a sort of desert waste4 ,the truth is1 such vulgar trivialities as are implied in practical performance are not suited to the intellectual mind4 ,after working the plan several weeks1 nearly killing myself1 and sadly confusing the man ,i had hired for this express matter1 ,i concluded to let him finish it alone4 ,it is a matter of pride1 however1 that1 in spite of some sad blunders through his ignorance1 it still bears palpable traces of the original design1 and entirely avoids the fatal fault of monotony4 ,while the man was completing the physical part1 there was an excellent opportunity to select the best flowers that were to be procured4 ,the study of botany is not a branch of the legal profession1 nor even included in the limits of a classical education2 but1 fortunately1 there is no necessity for knowing scientifically why the rose is red and the lily white provided one has the innate appreciation to enjoy the beauty of each4 ,perhaps it is desirable to be able to distinguish the plants when not in flower1 but that is not absolutely necessary provided 8,bridgeman0 is always at hand4 ,the amount of information in this work is as inexhaustible as it is surprising4 ,under the author's manipulation1 plants assume a fresh nature and exhibit new attractions2 the most vulgar flower comes back decked in an aristocratic dress1 and endowed with a name that is absolutely imposing4 ,the common hollyhock--that vulgar1 base1 staring1 and offensive flower--is suddenly converted into the delicate and refined althea2 the larkspur becomes a delphinium2 the old-fashioned ,johnny-jump-up1 a viola grandiflora2 the commonplace poppy1 a papaver2 and the gaudy sunflower is transformed into the magnificent helianthus4 ,the human mind is hardly prepared to accept gomphrenas for batchelors' buttons1 and revolts from the association of the suggestive mirabilis with the commonplace four o'clocks4 ,the kingdom of flowers1 as it is usually called1 becomes a model republic2 the low and ignorant are elevated2 the humble dweller in the hedge-row is raised to a place beside the tender production of the green-house2 and the refined habitu of the ballroom is found to be twin sister to the wild inhabitant of the open field or native forest4 ,after some thought and careful consultation with the price-lists of all the seed-stores in the city1 lest the utmost advantage should not be taken of the market1 a list including the following principal varieties was selected3 roses1 pinks1 carnations1 lilies1 fleur-de-lys1 jasmines1 peonies1 verbenas1 daisies1 fuchsias1 heliotropes1 tulips1 dahlias1 crocuses1 tube-roses1 forget-me-nots1 jonquils1 wall-flowers1 gillyflowers1 mignonnette1 fox-gloves1 and china-asters4 ,there were many others1 but this selection is sufficient to show that the garden was to be well stocked4 ,it is to be regretted that midsummer is not the most appropriate time to plant flowers1 and that many of them require to be set out in earliest spring1 or even the year before they are expected to blossom4 ,drought is especially unfavorable to the sowing of seeds or transplanting of roots1 and the drought that had already begun to distinguish this midsummer positively forbade immediate action4 ,it is my impression that in early youth ,i remember reading of an ancient ,roman who1 having lost a valuable ring overboard at sea1 subsequently caught the fish that had swallowed the ring4 ,on recovering his property1 he raised his eyes toward heaven1 wondering what terrible calamity the gods had in store for him to equalize such good fortune4 ,if there is no such story there ought to be1 for nature is certainly made up of compensations4 ,if a woman is rich she is rarely handsome2 if a man is handsome he is not apt to be wise2 if we are extremely fortunate we may expect a reverse2 one misfortune wards off another2 if we lose a leg in battle we are likely to save our head2 the old motto says1 8,lucky in love1 unlucky in play20 and if it rains in spring1 it is apt to be dry weather in summer4 ,it had rained all through the spring as though the flood-gates of heaven never were to be closed1 but when they were finally shut down they fitted so well that scarcely a drop trickled through the cracks4 ,may was a deluge2 ,july was a drought4 ,all authorities coincide in holding that seeds must be planted before or immediately after a rain1 but they give no directions how to produce a rain if it does not come naturally4 ,it was in vain that ,i waited for even a shower--in vain that ,i scanned the sky at sunrise or sunset1 watched the wind1 or consulted the weather-wise4 ,clouds ceased to be the harbingers of rain2 a threatening sunset only insured a cloudless morrow2 an easterly wind was positive evidence of clear weather1 and the sky was as blue as my feelings4 ,the time for planting one species after another of seed or root passed by4 ,july came and went1 ,august arrived and was slipping by1 the list of seeds was fearfully reduced1 when at last clouds covered the sky and rain began to fall4 ,it is unnecessary to say that all such seeds as might by any possibility germinate so late in the season were1 in spite of the pattering drops1 planted ere the storm had fairly begun4 ,bridgeman's instructions had been learned by heart1 and each kind was set out in a circle1 while a stick with the empty bag1 marked with the name1 was stuck up in the centre4 ,the trough in which they were planted was dug about two inches deep1 and filled with manure1 to insure vigorous growth4 ,two inches is deeper than was authorized1 but it seemed desirable that the plants should take a deep root4 ,hardly were the seeds planted ere the rain stopped1 the clouds broke1 and the sun came out hotter than ever4 ,for three weeks that sun never ceased to blaze except when it went to bed--for three weeks not another cloud appeared or drop of rain fell4 ,tending a garden is a pleasant occupation1 but when the only thing to be done is to water1 every morning and evening1 a spot of bare earth where seeds are supposed to be1 it is monotonous4 ,some puppies that were kept by a neighbor1 and which were forever trampling over my premises1 chewed up and pulled out the sticks1 and the location of the future plants became somewhat indefinite2 and when ,weeville asked me one day how my garden was getting on1 ,i answered evasively1 8,finely1 so far as ,i can see40 ,my conscience permitted me to presume all was going on right underground1 although nothing had yet come to the surface4 ,not satisfied1 however1 he wanted to know exactly how ,i had set out the seeds2 and when he was told they were planted two inches deep in a rich bed of manure1 he burst forth1 8,why1 you must have burnt them all up2 plants want earth as much as manure4 ,and if you buried them two inches deep1 you dug their grave2 not one will ever come up40 ,this coarse confidence on ,weeville's part was not pleasant4 ,i knew plants--thistles especially--would grow in manure1 for my beds were full of them1 and they appeared to do best when covered over and surrounded with the strongest lumps2 but my mind had troubled me a little about the depth at which the seeds were planted2 so1 when he was gone1 ,i took the first good opportunity to rake off about two inches of the earth4 ,it rained at last2 vegetation started in every direction except where ,i supposed my seeds were2 weeds spread over the beds1 came up in the walks1 and exhibited great luxuriance4 ,i watched my garden anxiously1 visiting it early and late2 dreadful were my doubts and fears2 but at last a circle of beautiful delicate green began to show itself1 not exactly in the place ,i expected1 but not far off4 ,my delight was unbounded4 ,i watched that circle like a mother would watch a sick child4 ,i hung over it and tended it with most assiduous care4 ,if the sun shone two days in succession1 ,i watered it2 if it rained too hard1 ,i sheltered it4 ,my triumph over ,weeville was to be complete2 it is true that only one out of the numerous varieties that were planted had appeared1 but it would not be necessary to refer to the others4 ,that green circle grew slowly4 ,the tiny leaves1 in spite of the great care bestowed upon them1 seemed to be feeble2 their thin1 pale stalks were hardly able to support their weight2 the slightest rain threatened to wash them away1 and a few hours of sunlight to scorch them up4 ,i nursed them carefully through their infantile diseases2 and when they were fairly past danger and presented a circle of unbroken green1 ,i invited ,weeville out to inspect my garden4 8,bare enough10 he said sarcastically1 as he passed down the main path2 8plenty of walks and weeds1 but no flowers this year40 8,wait till you see10 was my triumphant answer4 8,i can see pretty well now10 he replied2 8there is certainly nothing to obstruct the view4 ,i have a fine prospect of muddy walks and absurdly-shaped beds4 ,you will learn to be practical before you are through4 ,another year or two will take the city nonsense out of you1 and teach you some valuable lessons40 ,he was going on with his egotistical homilies1 when ,i stopped him in front of my infant plants4 8,look at that60 ,i said1 exultingly1 grasping his arm and facing him toward the bed4 8,look at what80 he repeated1 staring stupidly about4 8,at those plants4 ,are they not promising8 ,i intend to separate and transplant them3 there will be abundance to stock half my garden4 ,rather better than raising egg-plants1 eh8 ,we city boys know a few things1 after all4 ,what do you think of those little beauties80 8,what on earth--or1 more properly speaking1 in the earth--are you talking about8 ,i don't see any plants1 or beauties either40 8,not see any plants60 ,i replied1 laughing at his ignorance4 8,perhaps you can not tell plants when you do see them3 you must study ,bridgeman4 ,these1 sir1 are the beautiful columbine aquilegia formosa1 the most lovely ornaments of the refined and elegant parterre40 ,i did not know what they were1 as the stick was gone2 but this was the only name ,i could recall at the moment4 8,may ,i ask10 he replied1 solemnly1 8whether you are joking or crazy8 ,if the former1 it is too damp here to make it worth while to continue the entertainment2 if the latter1 the lunatic asylum is close by4 ,what is it you are talking about80 8,why1 those aquilegia formosas1 that beautiful circlet of exquisite green that ,i planted a month ago1 and which assiduous care has finally brought to its present vigorous condition10 ,i rejoined1 smiling proudly1 although my mind somewhat misgave me as to the vigorous health2 8that fertile hot-bed of fragrant beauty1 that will furnish the groundwork1 with skillful increase1 for my entire garden40 8,what60 he demanded1 in a surprised tone2 8is that what you are talking of80 8,yes10 ,i replied1 a little confused1 but confident still4 8,that your beautiful circlet of exquisite green which is to fecundate your entire garden60 ,at this point he commenced laughing1 and1 between shouts of merriment and the half-intelligible repetition of 8exquisite green10 it was ten minutes before he became comprehensible4 8,why1 that circlet of exquisite green--0 here he burst out again till he nearly choked--8exquisite green is nothing but a lot of wild carrots1 that you have watered till you have washed all the life out of them40 ,alas6 this turned out to be true4 ,what became of my seeds ,i never discovered2 whether they were drowned out1 or burnt up1 or raked away1 is hard to tell2 certain it is that they have not come up to the present time4 ,but the greatest mystery is1 why should wild carrots grow in a circle merely to arouse hopes that were to be blasted8 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,poultry4 ,i have a respect for chickens4 ,the hens have the finest qualities of the most exemplary mothers2 the cocks possess many of the characteristics1 in courage and devotion to 8the sex10 of the cavaliers of olden time4 ,behold the anxious matron ruffling her feathers and expanding her wings in threatening defiance of the approaching stranger1 or gathering the little ones under her breast1 and exposing her own person to the swooping hawk4 ,observe the fierce-eyed rooster guarding his mates with zealous care1 ever ready to meet in deadly conflict the rival or intruder1 but invariably calling his wives to accept any unusual luxury of fat grub or dainty bug4 ,to be sure1 they rise early1 which the uncultivated regard as a virtue1 and make much noise when they wake1 crowing at most unseasonable hours2 but as for the absurd charges that the prejudiced author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 brings against them in wholesale condemnation1 these are not worth answering4 ,what if they do scratch in the garden1 it was clear that they could not damage mine2 and do they not also catch the early worm that destroys the crop8 ,besides1 chickens are good gastronomically1 and eggs undeniable4 ,they pick up most of their own food1 and consequently are economical1 and this1 with so careful a calculator as myself1 was sufficient4 ,their increase is vast1 and the profit upon them immense4 ,if every hen should only raise five broods yearly of ten each1 and there were ten hens to start with1 at the end of two years they would number three hundred and forty-four thousand seven hundred and sixty1 after the superfluous roosters were sold2 and then1 supposing the extra eggs to have paid for their keeping1 and the produce to be worth only a dollar and a half a pair1 there would be a clear profit of #beh1ebj4 ,allowing for occasional deaths1 this sum might be stated in round numbers at a quarter of a million1 which would be a liberal increase from ten hens4 ,of course1 ,i did not expect to do so well as this1 but merely mention what might be done with good luck and forcing4 ,chickens had become very scarce about the time ,i wanted to purchase4 ,whether hens had given up laying eggs or raising young was not clear1 but every old woman in the neighborhood to whom application was made informed me that chickens were scarce and high1 and that she only let me have them as a special favor4 ,moreover1 the breed of chickens kept at ,flushing is rare and valuable2 they were either ,shanghais1 or ,dorkings1 or ,black ,spanish1 or something else extremely precious and desirable1 and none of them were worth less than five dollars a pair4 ,they were young and small1 not yet exhibiting these remarkable attractions2 but1 as one old woman observed when ,i suggested this circumstance1 8,sure you wouldn't expect a little chicken to be a full-grown hen the moment it comes out of the shell40 ,this was so clearly reasonable that ,i made no farther objection1 but purchased twenty pair of the best to be had4 ,a coop was built1 and the chickens turned in1 ,patrick remarking1 in the process1 8,indade1 they were the smallest lot that iver he saw40 ,i explained that they would grow2 but he shook his head1 and seemed to doubt it1 and immediately proceeded to fill the smallest crevices in the coop1 lest they should creep through4 ,patrick fed and ,i watched these chickens faithfully4 ,they were rather unhappy-looking things at the start1 and as their principal amusement seemed to be plucking one another's feathers out at meal-time1 their appearance did not improve4 ,in a few days ,i observed that they had a strange way of opening their mouths1 as though they were sleepy2 but1 as they went to bed at early candlelight1 and slept1 with little intermission1 except for the occasional recreation of pushing each other off the perches1 till sunrise1 it seemed hardly possible1 in spite of their early rising1 that they suffered for loss of sleep4 ,if they did happen to need more rest1 no ready way suggested itself of supplying the deficiency--unless they attended to it themselves1 which there was nothing to prevent--as ,i was not acquainted with an appropriate lullaby4 ,so they were left to their own devices4 ,their yawning became infectious--as with human beings1 when one gapes his companions will follow suit--until at last one1 that seemed to desire to outdo the others or make up permanently for her lost time1 8slept the sleep that knows no waking40 ,this was bringing matters to a serious issue2 and when two more were found on a subsequent morning stark and stiff1 ,weeville was sent for in all haste4 ,he arrived in a short time with his usual cheery manner1 and inquired 8,what was the matter now80 as though nothing ever went wrong with him1 and as though he could put right every thing that went wrong with others4 ,he was shown to the coop1 where thirty-seven chickens were busily engaged opening their mouths every few seconds1 as though they had taken into their throats a very large-sized grain of corn1 and were unable to swallow it4 ,it was an appalling sight4 ,there was an earnestness and solemnity about their actions that removed all ludicrousness1 and1 with a painful feeling of despair1 ,i asked what could be the matter with them4 8,why1 they've got the gaps10 ,weeville answered at once4 ,if there is any thing unpleasant1 it is to have a friend1 whose advice you have asked on a serious matter--a matter in which your feelings are interested1 if not otherwise very important--take advantage of the opportunity to indulge his wit4 ,a joke is never a joke when uttered at the expense of a friend1 or of the creatures1 human or animal1 for which that friend has an affection4 ,the only way to punish such ill-timed pleasantry is to appear not to have felt it1 and ,i responded carelessly1 although internally indignant1 8,you might better say they had the yawns4 ,but1 seriously1 what is the matter with them80 8,i say they have the gaps2 a whole black pepper--0 8,never mind carrying the joke any farther10 ,i replied1 firmly4 8,you may think it witty to say my chickens have the gaps1 and ,i would laugh if possible2 but1 as three of them have died1 it is no laughing matter4 ,if you have nothing more useful to suggest1 we will return to the house40 8,i say they have the gaps2 don't you know what that is8 ,it is a regular disease1 coming often from dampness1 neglect1 or inherent weakness--some people imagine there is a worm in the chicken's throat--and is cured by a change of diet1 free exercise1 and forcing whole black peppers down their throats4 ,let your chickens out of this miserable little hole where you have been suffocating them1 and give them a change of diet1 especially some worms or meat1 and compel the worst to swallow a whole pepper every day or two4 ,you may save a good many of them yet40 ,this was an exceedingly suggestive speech4 ,my coop1 which was some four feet square1 was called a 8hole20 my care and attention were termed 8neglect20 and it was considered possible that ,i might save a 8good many0 of my pets4 ,so ,i laughed at the idea1 ridiculed his remedy1 and told him there was danger that his 8whole peppers0 would keep them awake1 and make them more 8gapy0 than ever2 but the moment he was gone1 ,patrick and ,i caught every chicken1 and1 in spite of struggles and cries1 forced two whole peppers--for two were certainly better than one--down the throat of each1 and turned them out of the coop4 ,they did not seem to be much improved by the operation1 and went 8gaping0 round the premises in a miserable way1 leaving one of their number dead here and another there1 till they happened to attract the attention of my neighbor's pups4 ,i have referred to these pups before4 ,they were playful creatures2 if there was any horrible and disgusting injury that they could1 in a frolicsome mood1 inflict upon me1 they never missed the chance4 ,they tore up the sticks that ,i set to mark my flowers2 they scratched and dug in my strawberry bed1 which ,i had succeeded in planting before the summer was over2 they dragged in every direction my clothes that were laid out to bleach2 they tormented my favorite cat2 they appeared to think of nothing but plan deviltry against me1 and do nothing but execute it4 ,when the more flagrant of these wrongs had from time to time been inflicted1 my neighbor called to apologize blandly and express his regrets1 but never once proposed to kill the dreadful brutes4 ,the moment these pups saw my chickens they started after them4 ,the fluttering1 squawking1 and barking attracted my attention1 and ,i gave chase to the pups4 ,away we went1 chickens screeching with fear1 the pups yelping with delight1 and ,i storming with rage3 8,come here6 get out6 go home6 how dare you80 ,if there had been one pup1 ,i might have stood a chance2 but1 8being in doubt where to begin10 ,i 8both neglected40 ,each pounced on a chicken--of course1 the largest and healthiest--and squeezed the breath out of them in a moment1 and did not even give me the sweet satisfaction of revenge2 but1 having effected their object1 and seeing me approach1 stick in hand1 bent on exemplary punishment1 they each dropped their prey1 and1 darting through the neighboring fence1 secured their retreat1 or1 as army men have it1 8saved their bacon40 ,this little amusement was renewed daily1 and ,patrick was continually on guard against a sortie of the enemy4 ,but we became more skillful with practice1 and a few well-directed blows and successful shots sent the enemy howling to the rear1 and demoralized him greatly4 ,our chickens1 however1 had somewhat diminished in number2 there were the killed1 wounded1 and missing1 leaving quite a moderate residue4 ,moreover1 there was a gentleman of ,irish extraction living close by1 who had kept chickens before ,i had2 but it seemed to me that his flock increased as mine diminished1 and ,i even thought that ,i recognized some of my 8lost ones40 ,it may be that they went there for safety1 although1 if any questions were asked1 he could always explain how he came by that particular bird1 and give its entire history1 and the man's name that he bought it from4 ,when the pups were repressed and the gaps cured1 and my remaining chickens--which were reduced to ten--were persuaded to stay at home1 and when they had become large enough to give promise of future usefulness and eggs1 ,patrick was directed to prepare boxes for them to lay in4 ,he filled these half full of soft hay1 and deposited a white glass nest-egg1 which cost twenty-five cents apiece1 in each1 and fastened them up in the most enticing locations4 ,but the chickens did not seem to fancy the nests2 in fact1 they did not appear to turn their minds to laying at all1 but were contented to 8eat1 drink1 and be merry10 without regard to their philoprogenitive duties4 ,patrick suggested that a little 8mate0 might bring them up to the required point1 and1 when that failed1 said something about lime being required to make the shells2 but ,i did not see the necessity for shells till we had the 8filling0 ready4 ,certainly every inducement was offered those chickens to lay2 they had abundant 8feeds0 of meal1 and oats1 and wheat1 with 8mate0 twice a day1 like an ,irish servant-girl2 they had the grazing of the entire 8five acres10 and most attractive boxes1 but they did not seem to improve their opportunities4 ,i had concluded that they were such a rare breed that they could not afford to overstock the market1 and no longer wondered at their monstrous price1 when ,patrick rushed in to announce that the big ,dominick--by which name he insisted upon calling a bird that had been sold to me as a ,black ,spanish of the most valuable kind--had a nest full of eggs4 8,sure and ,i jist found her out1 the cunning baste2 she stole her nest on me1 and has it full of the purtiest eggs yez iver saw40 8,well1 ,patrick1 that is a good sign2 you must look round and find some more2 they are all doubtless laying4 ,now go and bring me the eggs that you have found40 8,bring in the eggs1 is it80 8,certainly2 it is too late in the year for setting40 8,sure1 and how am ,i to do that80 8,why1 go and take them2 you're not afraid of a hen80 8,but how am ,i to get there80 8,walk1 of course2 what do you mean by talking to me in that way80 8,i don't mane any thing at all1 at all1 but ,i can't get the eggs unless your honor pulls down the barn4 ,the old spalpeen has settled herself right under the middle of the flure1 and meself spied her out through the cracks40 ,sure enough1 there she was4 ,utterly regardless of all the attractive boxes and imitation eggs1 she had crawled away where only a rat could follow1 and where a rat would1 in the end1 be sure to follow her1 and had made her nest under the centre timber of the barn floor4 ,there were two ways of reaching her--either by digging a tunnel such as our prisoners made at ,libby1 or by taking up the planks4 ,as both of these modes would have cost somewhat more than the eggs were worth1 even supposing she was a ,black ,spanish and not a ,dominick--about which1 ,i confess1 ,i occasionally had some doubts--we never enjoyed more than a dim view through the dirty cracks of our 8hidden treasures40 ,this1 however1 was rather encouraging2 another hen might conclude to lay1 and might select a more eligible situation4 ,it was a difficult matter to get under the barn1 and the next one might not be willing to take the trouble1 even for the satisfaction of putting her master at defiance4 ,but alas6 the very next day ,patrick waked me at daylight to announce that the fowls were 8all dead entirely40 ,after a vain attempt to understand him1 ,i hurried on my clothes1 and1 rushing to the coop where they were accustomed to roost1 found it empty1 and their murdered corpses scattered about in every direction4 ,the small wounds1 the unruffled feathers1 the universal massacre1 showed that a mink had done the deed4 ,my chickens1 my rare and valuable chickens1 that were to have laid so many eggs and raised such countless posterity2 the roosters1 that were to have been fathers of a long line of famous descendants2 the hens1 that were to have been models of matronly propriety and parental self-sacrifice2 my pets1 that ,i had raised through so many dangers1 that ,i had saved from one neighbor's flock and another neighbor's pups2 my profits1 that were to have put the author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 to silence1 were cut off forever4 ,golden visions of eggs were destroyed2 anticipations of tender spring broilers were disappointed2 my quarter of a million of prospective profits--all were annihilated together by a mink4 ,we killed that mink4 ,like ,oliver ,twist1 he returned for more1 and met his fate4 ,i had him stuffed1 for one mink-skin is certainly a curious result from an investment of twenty pairs of chickens4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,fall ,,work4 ,the summer was pretty well over1 and the various duties which accompany it accomplished after the manner already described2 but there remained much to be performed as the cool weather approached4 ,not only is there the regular planting season in the spring1 but ,nature and ,bridgeman permit some plants to be set out and seeds to be sown in the fall4 ,september is the month for starting a strawberry-bed1 and as my firm resolve was to have a grand plot of this best of small fruits1 and as my first summer's success encouraged me to continue a country residence1 ,patrick was dispatched to the nearest nursery to engage two thousand plants1 to be delivered on the breaking out of the first shower4 ,here was the chance for me to make my fortune4 ,the author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 lays it down as a maxim always to buy some new and hitherto unknown variety1 that will bear the largest fruit in the greatest profusion1 and insure not only a return for the fruit1 but a good income by the sale of offshoots4 ,so ,patrick was directed to inform the nurseryman that ,i wanted a new kind1 just discovered and superior to all that had preceded it4 ,this request1 though natural enough to any man who had studied the work referred to1 must have seemed strange to the nurseryman1 who was probably not literary1 and who came back with ,patrick to see about it4 ,he said he had several new varieties1 but he was not entirely satisfied that they were better than the common ones4 ,there was one1 however1 that promised well1 called the ,bonheur ,seedling2 but it had not been tested thoroughly4 ,by-the-by1 what excellent scholars all market gardeners are4 ,their ordinary language is ,greek and ,latin1 and their nearest approach to that of common mortals1 ,french4 ,they overwhelm you with incomprehensible terms that early reminiscences assure you must be from one of the dead languages1 and call every-day fruits ,duchesse d',angoulme1 ,louise ,bonne de ,jersey1 ,belle ,lucrative1 ,triomphe de ,gand1 and so forth4 ,i was not surprised1 therefore1 at hearing the new strawberry called 8,bonheur ,seedling10 and rather took to the name as an omen of good luck4 ,without more ado1 ,i ordered two thousand of the 8,bonheur ,seedling10 while visions of enormous fruit and invaluable offshoots floated before my mind4 ,the man1 anxious1 no doubt1 to keep the market to himself1 suggested that perhaps ,i had better divide the order and take some of the ordinary kinds2 but his object was too palpable to lead me from my purpose4 ,if the ,bonheur ,seedlings were good for him to keep1 they were better for me to plant1 and so the order was not changed4 ,the drought of the summer continued1 and1 having parched the ground till it was as dry as an ,irishman's throat the morning after election day1 gave no signs of abating4 ,september came in with a beautiful clear sky1 remained with a beautiful clear sky1 and went out with a beautiful clear sky4 ,september is one of the finest months in the year1 especially when the cloudless heavens permit the sun to send his warm beams to temper the cool breezes that begin to prevail1 and1 if a person has not a strawberry bed on his mind1 no weather can be more enjoyable2 but when agricultural purposes demand rain1 even a cloudless ,september becomes tiresome4 ,patrick waited in daily expectation4 ,he had managed to dig up the ground by the liberal use of a pickaxe and crowbar2 but the sunshiny days were a trial to him4 8,shure ,i'm thinkin it's never going to rain agin10 he said in despair1 and the nurseryman was of the same opinion1 for his patience gave out1 and1 without waiting for the actual falling of the precious drops1 he took advantage of the first dark day1 which did not arrive till the beginning of ,october1 and sent the two thousand plants4 ,under these circumstances1 and as ,bridgeman says the beds may be made in ,october1 if not finished before1 there was nothing to be done but to soak the roots1 thus trying to make them believe it was raining1 as ,patrick explained it1 and set them out4 ,a strawberry is a thrifty plant2 the only inconsiderateness it is guilty of is to fill its delicious pulpy fruit with nasty little crackling seeds2 but give it the least chance1 and it will grow4 ,ours were assiduously watered1 and although1 disgusted with the weather1 some wilted away1 others managed to 8weather it10 as our sailors say1 and put forth a few feeble leaves in testimony of existence4 ,by the end of ,october there were gaps in their regular ranks1 but still the ranks were discernible1 and the bed was an accomplished fact4 ,i was not a little proud of this success4 ,it is only necessary1 in these cases1 to take the thing in hand one's self1 and ,i had kept the watering-pot in hand steadily4 ,illustration ,success in any undertaking in this life is a pleasant thing4 ,the mere accomplishment of what we are aiming at1 regardless of its importance1 is a satisfaction1 and a satisfaction that1 so far in my country experience1 ,i had not frequently enjoyed4 ,there1 however1 was the bed3 it was green with thriving beauty4 ,to be sure1 there were many weeds1 but there were also a few 8,bonheur ,seedlings40 ,weeville made some disparaging remarks--something about my having a good bed in two or three years--but ,i felt too complacent to mind him4 ,so1 when the cold began to increase1 ,i had ,patrick cover over my treasures carefully with plenty of straw1 and possessed my soul in patience for the next spring4 ,the agriculture of modern days is very different from what it was in the times of our forefathers4 ,without going back to the days of ,adam and ,eve1 when the vegetable kingdom managed itself1 but after perspiration became a necessity of existence1 the first gardening was rude1 seeds were planted in the merest ignorance of all organic laws1 and left to the fate that the earth and the waters held in store for them4 ,slowly1 by innumerable failures1 certain rules were learned1 and fertilizers1 rotation of crops1 and suitable soils were dimly comprehended4 ,in later days science has stepped in1 and shed a flood of light on the subject4 ,now1 before you plant a seed1 you ask a chemist to analyze the soil1 and ascertain exactly how much hydrogen1 nitrogen1 oxygen1 phosphate of lime1 and other ingredients with hard names1 the dirt is composed of1 and then you add whatever is deficient4 ,one of the most beautiful inventions of science is liquid manure2 not that it is beautiful in itself1 for it certainly is not agreeable to the senses of smell or sight1 and probably not to that of taste1 but it does so admirably comply with all scientific requirements4 ,the great object in applying a fertilizer is to so subdivide its particles as to enable the finer tissues of the roots to take it up by their almost invisible mouths4 ,not only is this done perfectly by dissolving the material to be applied1 but water1 the second great essential of vegetable life1 is supplied at the same time4 ,upon this subject all the scientific books1 including my favorites1 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 and 8,bridgeman's ,assistant10 enter with an enthusiasm which is surprising to the novice4 ,of course ,i was a great admirer of the liquid theory1 and resolved that my strawberries should not suffer from its want4 ,nothing1 however could be done till the following spring1 and we must anticipate events to give the conclusion of the attempt4 ,it was with some anxiety that ,i watched the removal of the straw covering the next ,april1 and with no little relief did ,i observe that the 8,bonheur ,seedlings0--if they could be so called now that they had attained maturity--were still there2 not quite so numerous1 perhaps1 as when they were covered up1 and not by any means the original two thousand1 but still to the number of several scores4 ,the first thing to do was to give them a strong fertilizer1 and that must be liquid4 ,the drainings from the kitchen had been led into a sink1 and1 having fermented during winter1 complied with all the requisites for this valuable nourishment4 ,so deeply had ,i been impressed with the necessity of saving every thing that could supply plant-food1 so entirely was ,i convinced of the force of scientific arguments1 and the duty which every man owes to his country in aiding the fertility of her fields1 that not a drop of the precious liquid had been wasted4 ,patrick stared when he was told to water the plants with it1 and murmured something about 8its being too hot0--quite an ,irish absurdity1 considering it had been out all winter--but obeyed orders1 and soon had a nice coating of what looked much like whitewash over the entire bed4 ,after a day or two the 8,bonheurs0 were examined1 and1 not seeming very strong1 were treated to a second watering2 then1 as they did not improve1 fresh waterings were given them4 ,in case of sickness science is our only resource1 and1 although ,patrick ignorantly begged to have them left to themselves1 the liquid fertilizer was applied steadily4 ,it was given to them early and late2 the weaker and paler they became1 the more they had of it2 once a day1 twice a day1 even three times a day1 was the dose exhibited4 ,i am now satisfied that the 8,bonheur ,seedling0 is not a success--it is not a sufficiently hardy plant for our climate4 ,they may be good bearers--of this ,i can not speak--but they can not be called vigorous4 ,by the first of ,june the last had wilted away1 in spite of steady waterings with the best liquid manure4 ,my experience in this matter is of great value to the public2 for1 while ,i can advise no one to invest in 8,bonheur ,seedlings10 ,i can thoroughly indorse the virtues of that universally praised and admirably scientific liquid fertilizer--the washings from the kitchen sink1 and earnestly urge all young gardeners never to omit the use of it on their beds4 ,if any thing can insure the success of the strawberry--even the 8,bonheur ,seedling0--it is this invaluable compost1 and the directions for saving it contained in all agricultural works are well worth following1 in spite of the trouble they entail4 ,no one who uses it will fail to thank science for the benefits that it has conferred on agriculture4 ,it is true that in my case it was not quite equal to the occasion1 and ,i had to buy new plants and set them out in the spring2 but ,i always regretted that the sink-water was exhausted ere this was done1 for ,i felt sure that on any species but the feeble 8,bonheur0 so thoroughly scientific a fertilizer would have had a prodigious effect4 ,this very interesting matter has led us somewhat ahead of our story1 and1 although it seemed essential to give these valuable results of the application of science to strawberries1 we must now return to our fall work4 ,next in importance to the strawberries was the asparagus-bed1 and great were the preparations made for it4 ,bridgeman was consulted4 ,he is somewhat obscure1 and ,i did not practically understand some of his directions1 especially the one which he lays down as of the first importance1 that the plot of ground must be thoroughly 8trenched40 ,of course1 ,i was perfectly acquainted with the meaning of that word in its ordinary acceptation--it signifies to dig a ditch2 but the exact purpose of a ditch in an asparagus-bed was not entirely apparent4 ,it was not for drainage1 for1 as far as ,i could make out1 the ditch was to be filled up again as soon as made2 it was not merely as an ornament1 or to separate these valuable plants from their baser and less aristocratic neighbors1 but it had some occult purpose manifestly connected with a subtle and technical interpretation4 ,an application to the last pictorial and unabridged 8,worcester0 did no good3 there 8trench0 was made to mean a 8pit1 drain1 or ditch40 ,as 8drain or ditch0 were impossible1 so 8pit0 seemed equally out of the question4 ,not seeing any better way out of the dilemma1 and the necessity to proceed being pressing1 ,i put a bold face upon the matter1 and1 in an indifferent sort of way1 told ,patrick to trench the necessary ground4 ,to my great surprise and relief1 he understood me1 and ,i found it was not making a ditch round the plot1 as ,i had suspected1 but digging it well over and putting in manure4 ,the roots of the asparagus were queer-looking things1 without any green tops1 reminding one of the frogs' legs seen in market strung on a stick1 only that they have rather more legs than a frog4 ,they were planted under my own supervision1 and there we shall leave them until next spring1 in the firm hope we shall see more of them4 ,the fruit-trees had to be set out in the fall1 besides a forest of shade-trees2 but1 as this was done in ,october1 after the cold weather had driven me to town1 some painful mistakes arose in placing them2 the fruit-trees generally found themselves where the shade-trees were to have been1 and the smallest dwarfs usurped the locations of the tallest monarchs of the forest4 ,this produced an irregular effect4 ,there bid fair to be great thinness of foliage where we hoped for the densest shade1 and the large trees were generally planted in such parts of the garden as required most sun2 this1 however1 was not a serious matter1 as they could be arranged in the ensuing fall1 and it is not clear1 after all1 whether a little shade is not a good thing for plants in our extreme climate4 ,this1 with plowing and digging1 closed our fall work1 and in the next chapter we shall get a comparative statement of profit and loss1 showing the manifold advantages of living in the country4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,x4 ,,profit ,,and ,,loss4 ,now that we have finished our first year's experience1 and shown how readily a person can pass from the profession of a lawyer to that of an agriculturist1 we come to the subject which1 after all1 is the great question of both city and country life1 and which we have always kept so steadily in view--the question of profit and loss4 ,the reader must bear in mind that ,i had great difficulties to contend with2 no one had kindly set out fruit-trees for me1 nor started my asparagus and strawberry beds1 nor even laid out my garden4 ,moreover1 the weather had been exceptionally hot and dry2 for it does usually rain occasionally during the summer in our climate1 and several accidents had happened that can hardly be expected to take place invariably4 ,the profit1 therefore1 must be looked for1 not in the merely vulgar1 material sense1 but somewhat in the sensations1 thoughts1 and experiences that were included in the results of the year's labor4 ,to be sure1 there was an indirect material gain3 if ,i had gone to ,saratoga or ,newport1 or had hired a summer residence elsewhere1 #bjjj or #cjjj would hardly have covered the expense1 even if ,i did not fall into the clutches of the 8tiger20 and if ,i had staid in the city1 at the present price of mint juleps and sherry cobblers1 and the present dusty condition of the public thoroughfares1 ,i could hardly have got off for less4 ,the pure air of ,flushing supplied the place of both these excitements1 while the deep interest of my agricultural pursuits kept my mind in a pleasant state of occupation4 ,the original outlay for house and grounds was1 in round numbers1 #ae1jjj2 my fruit-trees cost #ade #ej1 which must be added to principal of investment1 as it was not to be expected ,i should have to buy fruit-trees every year4 ,the strawberry plants cost #bj1 and this should also be part of principal2 but1 as they all died1 it may be that this must be yearly expense1 at least for the first season4 ,the asparagus plants cost #be1 and we can hardly be able to tell where to place that item until next year shall determine what becomes of them4 ,the baker's boy1 who served me with bread1 ran his cart against my gate-post1 and put me to an expense of #ce for repairs2 this clearly should be principal1 as he could hardly be expected to renew the operation yearly2 besides1 he has been dismissed by his employer4 ,my seeds cost #c #ge1 and1 as they never came up1 ,i fear they must go to annual expenditure4 ,the bean-poles cost #b1 and1 if the neighboring boys do not steal them1 that is an item of investment4 ,the nest-eggs for the hens cost #ge cents1 which1 ,i have been informed1 is more than they are worth2 but that constitutes permanent capital4 ,my furniture was badly damaged in being transported from the city to the country1 and then from the country to the city2 the legs of the chairs became somewhat displaced1 and the upper drawer fell out of one bureau1 that was laid face downward2 but1 as ,i am now suing the express-men for damages by reason of their negligence1 it is hard to say whether this should be included2 ,i have put my damages at #bej1 but1 perhaps1 for the purposes of this work1 we might reduce them to #be4 ,dandy ,jim cost #dej1 and ate about half as much in hay and oats1 and smashed my wagon to such an extent that the repairs came to #ej1 and the wagon was nearly ruined4 ,i paid #ajj for the cow1 and would not part with her for twice the money4 ,the chickens cost #aje1 which item must go to annual expenditure1 less the value of one mink skin4 ,the pig cost #ab1 and grew finely1 eating not only all the kitchen refuse1 but a good feed of corn-meal and water three times a day2 unfortunately1 pork fell1 and when he was killed he would only have produced #aa in market2 but1 as we intended to cure and eat him1 he would have been fairly worth what we should have had to pay for salt pork by retail1 had not an accident happened that will be described hereafter4 ,the value of the premises was really greatly enhanced by their occupation and the improvements made on them1 but the precise amount of such increase is too indefinite to be stated with the accuracy required by this work1 consequently it is omitted altogether1 the intention of the writer being to give only such items as may be fully relied on by any person intending to embark in a similar venture4 ,the account may be stated as follows3 ,,investment4--,,debit4 ,premises #ae1jjj #jj ,fruit-trees #ade #ej ,shade-trees 7mostly in wrong places7 #ajg #jj ,asparagus plants 7doubtful7 #be #jj ,repairs to gate #ce #jj ,bean-poles #b #jj ,dandy ,jim #dej #jj ,cow #ajj #jj ,nest-eggs #ge ---------- ,total #ae1hfe #be ,,investment4--,,credit4 ,premises worth #ae1jjj #jj ,trees 7besides improving the premises7 #cej #jj ,asparagus-bed 7if successful7 #aej #jj ,bean-poles 7if not stolen7 #b #jj ,dandy ,jim 7would be glad to take7 #bjj #jj ,cushy 7would not sell her for7 #bjj #jj ,nest-egg 7all but one lost7 #je ---------- ,total #ae1ijb #je ,the increased value in the trees is due to the fact that they have been standing some months1 and are really worth so much more on one's place than crowded together in a nursery4 ,a few may die--but it is not well to anticipate misfortunes--and the expense of replacing them will1 in such case1 fall into the annual account of the succeeding year4 ,,yearly ,,expenditure4 ,interest on investment #ajej #jj ,strawberry plants #bj #jj ,seeds #c #ge ,damages to furniture #be #jj ,repairs of wagon 7yearly expenditure so long as ,dandy ,jim remains with me7 #ej #jj ,chickens #aje #jj -------- ,total #abec #ge ,,yearly ,,proceeds4 ,expense of trip to ,newport or ,saratoga saved #bjjj #jj ,proceeds from suit against express-men #ej #jj ,costs1 ditto #bjj #jj ,one mink skin #be -------- ,total #bbej #be ,the profits of my first year were not large1 but sufficient to induce me to continue the experiment4 ,there may be some few items of expense1 such as neglect of business1 which are omitted2 but the amount is difficult to compute1 and rather too remote1 as we lawyers say1 for the business might have been neglected in any event4 ,the mink skin was taken at a bad season of the year for the fur2 it is included among the annual receipts as an offset to the chickens1 and in the confident expectation that if another mink were to do similar damage he would suffer the same fate4 ,the clear profit may be set down at #ajjj in round numbers1 which was entirely satisfactory1 considering the unusual difficulties that presented themselves1 and which more experience and less drought would probably remove in succeeding years4 ,it will be observed that the costs of suit are included1 although the case is not yet tried2 but as it is a question involving a long account of many items1 and is brought by a lawyer1 the judge will probably refer it to another lawyer1 who will undoubtedly perceive the justice of the claim4 ,the amount of both recovery and costs is rather understated1 if any thing4 ,this is a source of profit that could only be counted on by one of the profession2 a non-professional would probably find it the other way2 but1 as the damages are charged1 the receipts must go against them4 ,the saving on the trip to ,newport or ,saratoga is fairly included1 as none of my readers would expect me to pass the summer in town4 ,this was certainly1 taken all in all1 a flattering exhibit1 as1 with the charming and original author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough10 when he forgot to put any clothing on the backs of his wife and daughters1 we must not confine our view merely to the humdrum matter of fact affairs of every-day life1 but must look at the whole subject from a higher stand-point4 ,think of all the pleasures1 intellectual and physical1 of the change from the dull1 dreary city streets to the lovely country roads--from the nasty ,croton1 running through its poisonous leaden pipes1 and vulgarly penetrating into every room on every story1 to the pure1 sparkling well-water1 so fresh and delicious 7after the cat was removed71 drawn from the deep well by pump or bucket4 ,think of going from the unhealthy atmosphere of overcrowded ,new ,york1 where sickness of all kinds is on the look-out for its victims--where pestilence stalks in the noonday--to the invigorating air of ,flushing1 where a slight attack of chills and fever1 if it does happen1 is rather an agreeable variety4 ,think of escaping from the offensive over-supply of ,fulton and ,washington ,markets1 and the consequent difficulty in making selections for the daily returning dinner1 and being every morning informed by the butcher-boy that you can have a beefsteak or mutton-chop1 and nothing else1 according as hairy or woolly cattle are cheapest4 ,think of all these advantages1 apart from pecuniary considerations6 ,in a moral aspect1 the advantage is equally striking4 ,no late hours or evening dissipations at ,flushing--no demoralizing club-life--no theatrical entertainments--no political meetings4 ,occasionally1 perhaps1 some exponent of the water-cure theory1 some second-rate necromancer1 some believer in spiritualism1 or some devotee of cold water1 gives a lecture at the town hall2 but these can scarcely rise to the dangerous dignity of dissipations1 and are agreeably somnolescent in their influence4 ,husbands are not apt to be led away by them into neglecting their wives1 nor literary or professional men into deserting their books2 while for the youth of either sex these attractions are not excessive4 ,once in a while there may be a public ball1 but1 as every one has been seeing every body else every day in every week for months1 if not years1 and as nothing but ice cream1 cakes1 and lemonade are served round1 it is a mild species of orgy at worst4 ,but1 to escape from moral considerations and to return to practical ones1 it will be observed that the pig does not appear in the accounts2 this is due to what may properly be called an accident1 and can not be blamed to the writer4 ,piggy grew finely1 and toward ,christmas ,patrick butchered him in artistic style1 and brought him to the city4 ,he must have weighed #bbj lbs41 although1 not having scales sufficiently strong to sustain that weight1 ,i can not be positive that he did not exceed it2 but1 unfortunately1 the price of pork was then only five cents per pound1 which would have brought him to eleven dollars1 whereas we had paid twelve for him six months before1 and put a goodly amount of corn1 to say nothing of swill1 into him besides4 ,he was not for sale1 however1 being intended for the salting-kettle1 and ,i proceeded to cut him up4 ,i was not skilled in the art of animal dissection1 and the result would hardly have been approved by a scientific butcher4 ,his back was particularly hard to split1 especially with no better instrument than a heavy carving-knife1 which was somewhat nicked in the operation1 and it was very difficult to chop in the true line4 ,surgery not having been a part of my education1 ,i found the disjointing of the limbs an intricate process4 ,the shoulders and hams took ,illustration odd shapes1 unlike what ,i had been accustomed to seeing on table1 and the flesh insisted upon looking more like gobs than the ordinary pieces4 ,still1 ,patrick was strong1 and he pulled as ,i cut1 and between us something was sure to give way1 and ,i succeeded in separating the joints1 and reducing him to a shape that would go into the barrel1 the abundant fat that ,i encountered in the process promising well for the quality of the future salt pork that he was to make4 ,weeville had given me an accurate recipe for preparing the brine that was to cover him3 it was to be composed of salt and water boiled1 and strong enough to bear an egg1 with a modicum of saltpetre4 ,the hams and shoulders were to be rubbed well with brown sugar1 with a view to their being smoked1 and the brine was to be poured over the pork after the latter had been carefully packed in the barrel1 and then a weight was to be laid on top4 ,these directions were very explicit1 and it seemed impossible to make a mistake2 but1 unfortunately1 ,weeville forgot to mention that the brine must be allowed to cool before it is used4 ,being ignorant of this important particular1 ,i poured the boiling pickle over the meat1 which had been carefully disposed in the bottom of a huge hogshead1 and calmly awaited the effect4 ,without entering into farther particulars on this painful subject1 it is sufficient to say that we did not eat our own salt pork that year4 ,it would undoubtedly have been remarkably fine1 and far superior to any thing that is to be had in market1 for it is my firm impression that that pig had eaten three or four times its weight in corn before it had consented to harden its flesh1 which my scientific neighbors tell me is the object in feeding corn4 ,i bore the disappointment as well as ,i could1 but it is to be regretted that people are not more careful to be exact in their instructions2 and1 above all1 when an error of this kind is committed and pointed out1 they should not reply--as ,weeville was inconsiderate enough to do1 when ,i told him of his omission--8,well1 ,i thought you knew enough for that40 ,this loss1 being a mere accident1 for which ,i was clearly no more to blame than if my pocket had been picked in the cars1 or ,i had trod on a nail when surveying my garden and been compelled to pay doctor's bills1 is not fairly chargeable to the account of country life4 ,in fact1 the loss took place in the city2 for when the pig left the country he was manifestly worth eleven1 if not twelve dollars1 at market rates1 and was even more valuable for home consumption4 ,the loss was not my fault1 nor the pig's fault1 and ,weeville says it was not his fault--and it certainly was not the fault of country life--so ,i have omitted it altogether from the statement4 ,i have been particular to be thus explicit and exact1 and to keep every thing within bounds2 for1 knowing what numbers will be induced by these pages to follow my example1 ,i wish to give them merely such views and facts as they can implicitly rely upon2 and it is confidently believed that any other professional man can do as well as ,i did1 or very nearly so1 with any five acres he may select in the vicinity of ,flushing1 or in some other equally eligible locality1 if any locality as eligible as that delightful and fashionable village can be found--a point about which1 until my lots are sold1 ,i shall continue to have very great doubts4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,the ,,flushing ,,skating-,,pond--,a ,,digression4 8,well10 said ,weeville one day1 during the ensuing winter1 as he dropped into my quiet office in the city1 where ,i try to forget the charms and allurements of the country1 and devote myself to ,coke1 ,blackstone1 and ,kent1 8we have finally put our skating-pond in good hands4 ,last year there was much complaint because the snow was not cleared off1 and the best days in the season were wasted from this neglect2 but now we shall have no farther trouble4 ,you know the ice-man1 ,willis1 who supplies the residents with ice--he has taken hold of it4 ,his services were engaged at considerable expense1 because we all knew his long experience had made him thoroughly acquainted with the subject4 ,he has had to do with ice ever since he was a boy2 he has cut it1 and packed it1 and sold it1 and can make it freeze if there is any freeze in it4 ,during the mildest winters his supply has never failed2 he is a remarkable man in that line4 ,we have a splendid pond1 nicely fenced in1 and much superior to your ,central ,park affairs1 where the boys jostle and upset you1 or to the petty concerns got up as rinks1 and occupying half a city block1 where you can scarcely turn round4 ,there is plenty of room on our lake1 and the company is select4 ,you are fond of skating4 ,why don't you make up a party and run out some day8 ,all the best people go there1 and you know how pretty our girls are in ,flushing40 ,i had come to the city quite early1 not being entirely satisfied1 in my blind ignorance1 that winters in the country1 with snow or mud on the ground1 the thermometer clinging to zero1 and the wind having full sweep1 were as pleasant as they are in ,new ,york1 even when streets are impassable and sidewalks slippery4 ,nevertheless1 ,i am devotedly fond of skating2 not that ,i excel in the art2 for1 on the contrary1 ,i can do little more than the simplest steps1 and generally return from every expedition with bruised body and sore limbs4 ,i keep on hoping that ,i shall improve1 and make the most of the fresh air and exercise1 although the fancy steps1 and my efforts to disregard the simplest laws of equilibrium1 bring me to grief4 ,it is pleasant to skate1 and pleasant to see others skate1 especially of the female sex1 with their cheeks aglow and their eyes sparkling1 and with their neat dresses and dainty feet4 ,on the ,central ,park the troublesome boys annoy me1 and the private ponds are so filled with superior artists that ,i am ashamed to appear on them2 skating is not only a fashionable recreation1 but peculiarly a country pastime1 where ponds abound1 not having been filled up to make city lots2 so ,i determined to take advantage of ,weeville's suggestion4 ,moreover1 ,i am fond of the best people2 ,i like good society4 ,it is pleasant to mention that ,i met so and so1 and imply that we are on intimate terms4 ,of course1 all are equals in this country1 and my family is exceedingly old1 going back almost to the time of my grandfather4 ,i have a right to consideration1 but still one feels better to be among the best4 ,besides these two attractions1 ,weeville had intimated that the young ladies of the neighborhood frequented that favored pond2 this was a still stronger inducement4 ,woman is pretty in every costume that fashion adopts2 she is angelic in high bonnets and divine in flat hats2 she is bewitching in tight skirts1 and enrapturing in balloon crinoline2 she is entrancing in short robes1 and overwhelming in long trains2 whether she wears feathers or ribbons1 crape or colors1 high necks or low necks1 she is charming2 but in a skating costume1 with her dress high looped up1 her red balmoral appearing below1 and her dear little feet--seeming smaller from being strapped to skates--peeping out from under all1 and occasionally exhibiting an ankle above1 she becomes tenfold more enchanting4 ,the exercise and cold air are splendid artists for painting her cheeks1 and the swan is nowhere in comparison with her grace of motion4 ,no place so abounds in the beautiful of their sex as ,flushing4 ,so ,i resolved that ,i would steal a day from pressing cares and labors1 and collect a few friends to visit the skating pond4 ,the house had been finished and closed1 and had been given in ,patrick's charge2 some furniture had been left there1 and it was merely necessary to make a few arrangements to receive hospitably the guests who had been invited4 ,weeville was to bring me word when the ice was solid1 so that we might start on the ensuing morning early4 ,the thermometer was the subject of much interest for some days4 ,it went down finally1 and staid down resolutely2 rumors circulated that the ,new ,york ,rink was frozen1 and skating had commenced there2 next the public conveyances bore announcements that the opposition private pond was solid2 and finally the red ball went up1 and thousands rushed to the ,central ,park4 ,our party1 too much on the qui vive for the superior attractions of ,flushing to make engagements for any of those places1 waited and waited for ,weeville4 ,after the rest of the skating world had been enjoying themselves for a week1 he appeared at my office in a great state of hilarity4 8,ready at last10 he shouted4 8,willis wanted the ice to be solid2 a careful man1 that2 no accidents while he is in charge4 ,but last night fixed it4 ,the ice is at least six inches thick1 and to-morrow the whole town will be on hand4 ,nothing like starting right2 put some one with brains at the head1 and you are sure to go straight2 twenty years' experience does not pass for nothing4 ,i suppose you have been impatient1 but remember we have no life-saving machines1 and it is better to be on the sure side1 if it is a little slower4 ,come in the early train to-morrow40 ,there was great excitement in warning and collecting our forces1 and we did not get off as early as we hoped2 but having at last managed to cross the river and reach the train--except a few couples that were left behind--we were soon at the ,flushing dpt4 ,instead of having wagons ready to carry the party at once to the pond1 as he had promised1 ,weeville received us alone4 ,his usual hilarity was wanting1 his air was sad1 his manner disconsolate4 ,as we crowded around him1 he said slowly1 8,there is no skating40 8,ridiculous10 was the answer1 in a chorus of astonished voices2 8there must be skating40 8,yes10 said our precise associate1 8,i have a recording thermometer1 and last night the mercury fell to fifteen40 8,your man is a little too cautious10 ,i said2 8there is such a thing as erring on the right side40 8,oh60 said the ladies1 8if that's all1 we are not afraid2 are we1 ,mr4----80 each turning to her particular companion with a look that induced the latter to engage unanimously to answer for their safety4 8,but there is no ice10 again said ,weeville1 with a manner of most deplorable abasement4 8,now1 how can that be80 demanded our precise man again2 8water freezes at thirty-two40 8,why10 burst forth the female chorus1 8the ,central ,park has been frozen these two days40 8,well1 ,mr4 ,weeville10 ,i then commenced1 growing incensed at his stupidity1 8if there was no ice1 why did you tell me last evening that it was six inches thick80 8,so it was10 he replied1 still more drearily4 8,then1 in ,heaven's name1 what has become of it80 8,willis cut it all yesterday1 and put it in his ice-houses10 was the final reply4 ,if he had fired a pistol among the party1 my friend could not have surprised them more4 8,he says he wanted it to freeze smoother2 but the pond is ruined for the season1 as the little pieces and lumps that have broken off will remain1 and destroy the surface40 8,what a shame60 cried the ladies4 8,the scoundrel60 growled the men4 8,well1 what can we do80 asked the former4 8,let us go home10 replied the latter4 ,vain were my imploring requests that they would at least visit my country seat--in company ,i speak of it as my country 8place0 or 8seat0--that they might warm themselves after their journey1 and satisfy the cravings of hunger and thirst4 8,all aboard60 yelled the conductor1 for the ,flushing trains make immediate return trips1 like ferry-boats4 ,my companions clambered up the steps and into the seats1 and1 in a moment more1 were being whirled back to the city4 ,i did not accompany them1 but remained with ,weeville1 who1 though far from lively1 was probably a more pleasant associate for me just then4 ,in fact1 on the question of skating the city seems to possess certain advantages4 ,in the country snow keeps falling at odd and inconvenient times1 and there are no enthusiastic individuals to shovel it off4 ,hardly does the thermometer go down into the twenties1 and succeed in congealing the surface and raising the expectations of the devotees of the 8ringing steel10 ere the clouds cover the sky1 snow-flakes make their appearance1 and settle down with some inches of soft impassability1 winding up1 probably1 with a rain or 8freeze10 that leaves the entire surface of every pond an uninviting expanse of 8humps and bumps10 that bid defiance equally to high art and unskilled blundering4 ,the ice-shaving machines1 the snow-sweepers and the like1 are confined to the metropolitan limits2 and1 although there is plenty of ice in the country1 it is often hard to get at1 even if there is not an 8ice-man0 to carry it away for other uses than skating4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,second ,,year4 ,we now come to the second year4 ,the house had been finished4 ,it occupied a commanding position on the beautiful square that constituted my possessions1 and1 with the wind whistling through the innumerable ornaments that covered the edges of its high peaks1 brought to mind its original seafaring owner4 ,the land had been well plowed1 at last1 and was no longer impervious to spade and pick2 the strawberries1 whose untimely fate has already been described in anticipation1 had been planted1 and the asparagus-bed was in a promising state of preparation4 ,fruit-trees1 and raspberry bushes1 and the 8great ,lawton blackberry0--which1 having originally been discovered by ,mr4 ,seaton1 was called by my intelligent fellow-farmers after ,mr4 ,lawton1 because both names ended with 8ton0--were set out2 my accounts for the year were made up1 and ,i determined to go to ,europe4 ,my trip was principally undertaken--apart from some business claims which importunate clients insisted on pressing upon me--to study the ,european mode of agriculture4 ,with that view ,i spent most of my time in ,paris1 and went steadily to the ,jardin des ,plantes1 ,jardin d',acclimitation1 ,jardin ,mobille1 ,chteau de ,vincennes1 ,chteau des ,fleurs1 the ,lilac ,festival1 ,bois des ,boulogne1 ,pare ,monceau1 and all such places where there was a chance to learn any thing ,i did not know before4 ,the information ,i acquired was very valuable1 and if the reader perceives its effect in the future pages he need not be surprised4 ,this threw the garden pretty much upon ,patrick's shoulders1 and he bought me a new lot of forty chickens1 two watch-dogs1 and four cats--as the rats had almost taken possession of my house and barn1 thinking1 apparently1 that it was built for their convenience--and put into the ground the most enormous quantity of manure4 ,he seemed to have imbibed the scientific agriculturist's admiration for fertilizers1 or else felt an interest in the welfare of his numerous friends and compatriots in the neighborhood who kept pigs and cattle1 and raised what the books politely term compost4 ,he spread seven hundred loads of it on my five acres1 and when he was through there was not a load of compost to be had in ,flushing for love--although ,i do not believe that ever bought a load of compost any where--or money4 ,of course1 ,i did not know exactly what seeds ,patrick had put in1 and if ,i asked him1 during the spring1 whether he had this or that vegetable1 his answer always was1 8,shure and he had lashings ov it20 but ,i feared he had a sneaking weakness for onions and cabbages4 ,my first question on my return1 which was after a flying visit of a few months1 in which ,i had learned all that was essential1 was about the success of the asparagus-bed4 8,faith1 nothing has iver come up10 was the heart-rending response4 8,there was a most beautiful pond of water standing on the spot all winter1 and ,i consaited that the roots was rotted out intirely2 so1 as the bed was ilegantly manured1 ,i jist put in a fine crop o' turnips1 as ,i thought that would be the doin' ov it40 ,this was the end of my asparagus--a bed that requires three years to mature1 and which could not be started till another fall2 a bed that had been trenched and fertilized1 and on which so much brain-work and back-work had been expended2 a bed in which the roots ought to have slept comfortably and safely during their sleepy season4 ,one or two spears struggled up through the second planting1 but even they were feeble1 and barely exhibited that delicate fringe that mature asparagus assumes by contrast to its earlier state4 ,my disgust can be imagined--to plant asparagus and reap turnips1 which ,i never eat1 and yet have ,patrick inform me that this was 8the doing of it60 ,to have1 in place of the most aristocratic and delicate of vegetables1 the most vulgar and indigestible one2 to have the favorite plant of refined gourmets supplanted by the food of cattle6 ,i felt as though the only thing 8done0 was myself4 ,although my return to farming was a little late in the season1 ,i went to work in earnest1 undismayed by this deplorable failure1 planting every spot that ,patrick had neglected1 and1 as his memory was not very accurate1 occasionally putting a second sowing where he had already planted a different seed4 ,i felt ,i must make the most of my ground in its present productive condition1 and filled up every hole and corner4 ,the weather was propitious1 and every thing grew in grand style4 ,the peas climbed up the bushes that were set round them and out over the top2 the beans went to the summit of their poles1 and then waved their heads round in the wind like measuring-worms on the end of a stick2 and the squashes covered the ground with enormous leaves4 ,the first that came to bearing were our peas--,daniel ,o',rourkes1 of course4 ,they rather went to stalk1 being some seven feet high--about twice their proper height1 as laid down in agricultural works1 and almost out of reach4 ,there were not many pods1 and ,patrick said 8he 'most broke his back laining up to reach 'em20 but the flavor fully justified ,weeville's enthusiasm4 ,unfortunately1 only two rows had been planted1 and they furnished but a few meals--we had moved out of town early to enjoy the full benefit of our fresh vegetables--and our next planting consisted of a quantity of dwarf marrowfats4 ,now dwarf peas have some advantages2 they are easy to plant and easier to take care of2 they grow luxuriantly and bear abundantly2 they are what farmers call a 8sure crop10 but as for eating them1 that is another question4 ,in a religious and penitential point of view they would be invaluable1 as no amount of boiling would ever soften them4 ,it is said they are a profitable crop1 and good1 when plowed under1 to enrich the land4 ,it would seem as though they were excellent in every way but on the table1 and it so happened that it was just for this especial purpose that ,i wanted them4 ,my land needed no farther enriching--,patrick's compost had done that effectually4 ,piety1 of course1 is desirable in its way1 and penitence is necessary1 but mine never ran in the pea line2 and pilgrimages in tight boots was as much as ever ,i could endure and retain a pious frame of mind1 without adding the torture of dwarf peas4 ,patrick1 however1 had great faith in dwarf peas1 because they required no bushes1 and had consequently planted little else1 so that our taste of ,daniel ,o',rourkes was tantalizing4 ,after the latter were gone we bought the peas for our table in the village1 while ,i had the satisfaction of feeding ,patrick the dry1 tasteless 8dwarfs0 all summer1 till he thought the 8dwarf pays weren't good at all1 at all40 ,illustration ,our next crop was squashes4 ,we had the earliest squashes in all ,flushing4 ,their broad leaves covered the ground and reached up like hands toward heaven2 their insinuating runners spread in every direction2 large yellow flowers1 into which bumblebees retired for honey till they were out of sight1 appeared innumerably1 and at last the creamy1 delicate fruit shone through the thick foliage4 ,it was with no little exultation that ,i handed a fine large ripe one to ,weeville1 whose vines were not nearly so forward4 ,i anticipated his surprise1 and watched for its manifestation with interest4 ,he1 however1 thanked me kindly1 but said he never ate squashes4 ,this was simply the effect of envy4 ,he was indignant that his scholar should have been ahead of him1 and pretended he was merely raising a few for the servants4 ,the excuse was a palpable evasion1 and ,i did not allow it to depress me1 although ,i must confess that ,i do not eat squashes myself4 ,peas are fine1 especially ,daniel ,o',rourkes1 and except dwarfs2 but squashes are a miserably watery vegetable1 fit only to feed cattle1 who will hardly eat them--except always when one raises them one's self1 and has the earliest in the neighborhood1 then they must be eaten with a relish1 and ,i did my best to keep up appearances4 ,our cucumbers were a marvel of success4 ,the water and musk melons did not do so well1 although the squashes were placed on one side of them and the cucumbers on the other4 ,unfortunately1 ,i do not eat cucumbers either4 ,the onions succeeded admirably--almost too much so1 for ,patrick1 as ,i had dreaded1 had planted about an acre of them4 ,i should have eaten these1 but there is a popular prejudice against them1 and ,i observed that after indulging in them1 if ,i paid a visit1 my lady friends did not care to hear me whisper sweet nothings into their ears4 ,our turnips and cabbages were immense1 but it was never expected that any one but the servants and cattle would touch them4 ,the cauliflowers and egg-plants did not do so well4 ,patrick made an effort to sell our surplus vegetables1 but the market seemed to be supplied1 or the price turned out very different from what we were in the habit of paying when we purchased4 ,they mostly went to ,cushy1 ,dandy ,jim--who rather turned up his nose at them--and the pigs1 of which ,patrick had purchased an entire litter4 ,i am a great admirer of cauliflowers1 with their creamy consistency and delicate flavor1 and when ,july arrived1 as ours evinced no desire to hold up their heads and 8blossom like the rose10 it was clear 8something must be done1 and that shortly40 ,fresh application was made to the books1 but the information there contained was not quite so full and satisfactory as had been expected4 ,much was said about cold frames1 and housing young plants for the winter1 but very little that seemed to meet the case in point4 ,my plants did not want any housing over winter2 they were to be eaten at once1 if they would only come to the edible point4 ,the sole difficulty was that they presented to the eye nothing that in the least resembled what one finds in market under the name of cauliflower--a delicious concentration of vegetable cream4 ,there were leaves and stalks1 but no flower1 and what precisely the former were good for except to feed the cow1 neither ,patrick nor myself could exactly tell4 ,he had a very vague idea of the cause of the difficulty1 and all that the books seemed to suggest was a return to that most useful nourishment1 the liquid fertilizer4 ,our kitchen sink having been exhausted on the strawberries1 this had to be manufactured from the refuse of the chicken coop4 ,it was not a refined idea to pour such a filthy compound over so absorbent a substance--in fact1 over any substance that was to be eaten--and the necessity of success alone forced me to it4 ,but the plants were themselves evidently disgusted with such treatment1 and only spread out their leaves like umbrellas to shield themselves from the offensive showers4 ,we had a few heads1 or what passed for heads2 but they were leafy and rather tough--quite different from the white full heads sold in market--and we fancied tasted of their nourishment4 ,there seemed to be a spell on the garden2 whatever we wanted failed1 and had to be purchased in the village1 and whatever was useless grew magnificently4 ,one of our cucumbers measured two feet in length by one in circumference1 and took the prize--a certificate merely--at the county fair2 but1 generally1 our success was not in exact accordance with our taste4 ,this1 of course1 was due to my unfortunate absence early in the season4 ,it never does to leave such important matters to unlettered ignorance4 ,how ,adam ever made out to earn his bread in early days1 without the aid of 8,ten ,acres ,enough10 and 8,bridgeman's ,assistant10 is a puzzle4 ,science is our only salvation1 and it was a matter of congratulation that ,i returned in time to apply it to the flower garden1 if ,i was somewhat late for the coarser vegetables4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,science4 ,i had a high appreciation of the superiority of learning in cultivating the earth4 ,beside the dazzling statements of the brilliant writers on agriculture1 the humdrum notions of the plodding workers were little less than disgusting4 ,what is the few bushels of potatoes which an acre yields under common management when compared with the hundreds of barrels which it should give by scientific appliances8 ,under such manipulation the compost heap becomes a mountain of wealth1 and morass a mine of gold4 ,of course1 ,i discussed these points with ,weeville1 and impressed upon him frequently the great value of science4 ,inspired by this feeling1 it is not surprising that none of my failures had in the least disheartened me4 ,i was still a firm believer in high art1 and studied out every new suggestion that could be made applicable to the restricted area of five acres4 ,i had read all the latest books on the farm1 the garden1 trees1 vegetables1 plants1 berries1 fruits1 and every thing whatever which the earth produced for the service of man1 except what pertained to the mineral kingdom4 ,no sooner would a seed-store issue a new catalogue than ,i had it1 and devoured the contents for the purpose of discovering novelties2 ,i corresponded with distant florists for whatever they produced as a specialty1 or to obtain their descriptive catalogue1 and ,i really began to feel as though ,i were a man of science myself4 ,my particular attention had been given to the flowers4 ,this department had been under my charge from the commencement1 ,patrick confining his exertions to the supply of edibles4 ,i had run through the general list of flowers1 had purchased all the hardy bedding sorts which could be obtained ready to be set out1 and had at last succeeded in compelling them to grow in spite of their vigorous opposition4 ,i had conquered asters1 columbine1 anagallis1 ,jacoba1 snap-dragon1 phlox1 foxglove1 ,canterbury bells1 hyacinths1 tulips1 crocuses1 balsams1 ,callirrhoe1 coreopsis1 pansies1 poppies1 lobelias1 sweet peas1 garden rockets1 larkspurs1 verbenas1 zinnias1 and many more of the common varieties1 besides innumerable shrubs2 but1 not content with these1 my attention was turned to another world1 a higher one to overcome1 and deeper science to be applied4 ,this awakening came through a very full and complete catalogue and list of seeds and plants published by a firm strongly indorsed by the ablest periodical on farming in the country1 and which ,i believe in next to the prayer-book4 ,of course1 this approval was sufficient to entitle to implicit confidence what the seedsmen might say1 and ,i fairly devoured the glowing descriptions of new plants that this work--for it contained some one hundred and fifty pages--presented4 ,i made quite a large selection of seeds1 and among them ordered a double quantity of a strange plant described in the following enthusiastic manner3 ,,datura 7,,trumpet-,,flower71 ,nat4 ,ord4 ,solanace4--,an ornamental class of plants1 many of which possess attractions of the highest order1 and are not nearly so extensively cultivated as they ought to be4 ,in large clumps or borders of shrubbery they produce an excellent effect4 ,the roots may be preserved in sand through the winter in a dry cellar4 ,half-hardy perennials4 ,,datura ,,wrightii 7,meteloides74--,a splendid variety1 with bell-shaped flowers eight inches long1 white bordered with lilac1 and sweet scented2 continues in bloom from ,july to ,november2 beautiful beyond description2 from ,asia4 ,here was a magnificent future--a perennial1 with flowers eight inches long1 8beautiful beyond description40 ,to be sure1 ,i was a little troubled about the name4 ,i could not make up my mind positively whether it was 8,datura0 or 8,meteloides40 ,they were both good names1 however1 and that1 in science1 is half the battle4 ,still1 accuracy is a weakness of mine1 and it was unpleasant to call these new seeds half the time ,datura1 and the other half ,meteloides4 ,but ,i felt that1 under either appellation1 they were invaluable1 and ,i carefully concealed the possession of the new treasure1 that ,i might at last have a satisfactory triumph over ,weeville1 who1 with his practical and most incomprehensibly successful mode of gardening1 was quite a thorn in my scientific side4 ,the papers inclosing the purchase contained minute directions for its cultivation1 and ,i followed these most exactly1 resolved that there should be no failure this time1 if the strictest attention could prevent it4 ,i supervised the preparation of the hot-bed personally2 ,i saw that the material was properly turned over and worked1 and the mould carefully prepared2 and two distinct sowings were made1 so that in case any untoward accident happened to one1 the other might succeed4 ,anxiously ,i waited the issue1 and my exultation may be imagined when both came up4 ,datura1 even in its earliest stages1 exhibited its aristocratic extraction4 ,there is usually some little difficulty in distinguishing a youthful weed from a plant by its mere appearance2 but ,meteloides was peculiarly elegant and graceful4 ,the first leaves were not two coarse lobes1 but long1 slender1 delicate1 and refined spears of a pale green color1 supported by a tall1 spare stalk4 ,they gathered strength slowly1 and1 under assiduous care1 frequent watering1 and careful shading from the sun1 became robust1 and finally put forth the permanent foliage4 ,there were a good many of them2 in fact1 they took up a considerable share of my hot-bed1 and they soon began to grow large and strong1 till ,i could hardly wait for the warm weather to transplant them into the garden4 ,this change was also effected with the utmost precaution1 dull or rainy days being selected2 and so determined was ,i to oversee every step myself1 that a slight rheumatism remains to remind me of the circumstance4 ,however1 my labors were rewarded1 and1 once established in the garden1 the ,daturas began to grow vigorously4 ,if they occupied considerable room in the hot-bed1 they demanded still more in the open air1 and the assurance of a wonderful abundance was no longer questionable1 the only doubt remaining as to whether there would be place for the other inhabitants4 ,still1 it was apparent that flowers 8eight inches long1 of white bordered with lilac1 and sweet scented10 could hardly be surpassed1 and that it was impossible to have too many of a plant which was 8beautiful beyond description10 and the roots of which could 8be preserved in sand through the winter10 and secure a succession of loveliness for years to come4 ,as the foliage expanded and the branches spread1 the difference between this plant and the others1 its neighbors1 became more and more apparent4 ,it was certainly remarkable1 and1 the ground having been doubly enriched to receive it1 it grew amazingly4 ,precisely at what point in its existence doubts about ,meteloides arose in my mind1 ,i can not say2 and1 although they were pooh-poohed and discarded at first1 they pressed themselves upon me1 and forced me to notice a very strange and unpleasant resemblance4 ,these suspicions grew stronger as the ,daturas grew larger1 and when the latter began to overshadow all the other flowers1 the former became painfully oppressive4 ,i began to suspect that my new purchase was not all right1 and awaited anxiously the appearance of those flowers 8eight inches long40 ,to be sure1 it was an immense reassurance to recall the words of the catalogue1 and to read over the indorsement of the seedsmen in the well-known agricultural paper1 which was most severe on humbugs2 and ,i felt that my doubts were so unworthy that ,i was careful never to mention them1 but awaited patiently the dnouement4 ,unfortunately1 at this precise moment of suspense1 ,weeville called to see me2 and although ,i endeavored to distract his attention--for his way was always so painfully abrupt--and tried to beguile him with the seductions of the mint-bed1 one of his first questions was1 8,well1 how goes on the garden8 ,have you discovered any new way of growing beans wrong end up1 or inducing potatoes to produce a dozen sprouts to every eye80 ,i replied that my garden was getting along very well2 and when he insisted upon a personal inspection1 that he might get a lesson or two in science1 as he expressed it1 ,i did my best to lead him to the vegetable department4 ,but the attempt was vain4 ,he spied my strange flowers at once1 and hastened directly toward a ,datura with an expression of countenance that was far from reassuring4 8,what on earth have you got there80 he burst forth1 before he was near the plant1 so that ,i1 skillfully pretending to misunderstand him1 and assuming that his question applied to a shrub near by1 replied1 8,oh1 that is a spira4 ,a handsome one1 is it not8 ,growing finely2 it will soon cover the entire path40 8,i don't mean that--0 8,by the way10 ,i inquired1 interrupting him1 8have you any egg-plants to spare8 ,ours are not as successful as they ought to be40 8,yes1 yes2 plenty4 ,but ,i want to know why you have filled your garden--0 8,walk this way1 if you please10 ,i again broke in4 8,there's a remarkably pretty double ,jacoba that ,i should like to show you40 8,in a minute2 but tell me first--0 8,and our ,lima beans1 they are really remarkable2 and such carrots and turnips1 to say nothing of many other excellent vegetables40 ,i was becoming a little incoherent1 and not sticking to the absolute and naked truth1 for ,weeville was not to be moved4 ,he stopped resolutely before a wonderful specimen of ,datura1 and said positively1 8,before ,i go any where else1 ,i want to know what you call that80 8,oh1 that10 ,i replied1 with affected indifference1 8that is a ,datura40 ,as he broke into unpleasantly convulsive laughter1 ,i added1 hastily1 8,i mean to say ,meteloides40 ,as he still appeared unconvinced and somewhat choked with merriment1 ,i further explained3 8,datura ,wrightii ,meteloides2 a plant which ought to be more extensively cultivated2 bears flowers eight inches long1 white bordered with lilac1 sweet scented1 beautiful beyond description40 8,beautiful60 he shouted2 8sweet scented6 ,why1 that is a stink-weed4 ,if you don't believe me1 just touch it40 ,it was4 ,i am sorry to confess the fact1 but my fears and suspicions were confirmed4 ,i had succeeded in producing about a hundred stink-weeds4 ,there is one disadvantage about science1 which consists in the difficulty of understanding it4 ,datura and ,meteloides are so little like stink-weed that the common mind could hardly connect the two together1 although the latter have sweet-scented flowers eight inches long4 ,moreover1 ,i had supposed that stramonium was the learned name1 but it would appear that science had altered that4 ,it was a good deal of trouble to get rid of those ,daturas4 ,i could not touch them1 for by either name they smelt equally1 although not absolutely sweet4 ,it was out of the question to pull them up1 and almost as difficult to cut them down4 ,during the operation of their removal they gave forth an odor which seemed to me quite a satisfactory reason why they were not more 8extensively cultivated10 and which rivaled the best efforts of the ,american civet1 an animal vulgarly known by a more plebeian name4 ,when they were finally eradicated the garden looked quite bare1 and a fresh application had to be made to the florists for bedding plants to fill up the vacancies4 ,i still believe in science1 but seedsmen should be more full in their descriptions or more careful in their selections2 certainly stink-weeds are not very desirable flowers1 even under the romantic name ,datura or ,meteloides4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,a ,,second ,,digression--,,fairy ,,tales ,,for ,,little ,,folks4 ,my five acres at ,flushing were located on the top of a hill called ,monkey ,hill2 why so called ,i can not imagine1 for there was never a monkey seen there since the earliest recollection of the first inhabitant2 nor could it have been from the want of monkeys1 as that is so common a deficiency on ,long ,island4 ,to be sure1 there is a settlement of ,irish on one declivity near the salt meadow2 but even supposing that1 by a stretch of the imagination1 ,irishmen can be converted into monkeys1 that is of comparatively modern date1 whereas our ,dutch ancestry named the hill generations back4 ,nevertheless1 the hill is ,monkey ,hill1 and the settlement is ,monkey ,town4 ,i wander through ,monkey ,town occasionally1 admire the originality of its ,celtic architecture1 puzzling myself over the buildings to find out which are pig-pens and which are houses--for the pig-pens are so like houses1 and the houses are so like pig-pens1 that it is hard to tell them apart--and enter into conversation with my fellow-citizens of ,irish extraction4 ,i am very affable4 ,i pat the girls on their towy heads1 and praise the boys for stout young lads1 in the vague hope that the parents may not tear down my fences1 nor let their children rob my future apple-trees or steal my pumpkins4 ,during one of my visits ,i was much attracted by an old crone who wore spectacles4 ,spectacles are not unbecoming to some people2 they lend an air of maturity to youth1 and even improve an elderly lady reading her ,bible2 but worn permanently by a very wrinkled old woman1 with a very long nose and very sharp chin1 they have a bewitching effect that1 in ,massachusetts1 would insure the culprit's early decease at the stake4 ,i made immediate advances to that spectacled female1 whose age might have been any where from a hundred and fifty to three hundred1 in the firm conviction that her conversation would be interesting and improving2 nor was ,i mistaken1 for the intimacy engendered by a few visits induced her to confide in me the following story relative to a small1 round1 muddy pond1 that has neither outlet or inlet1 but which is always full1 or nearly so1 of water1 and which lies across the main road over against my premises4 ,i can not give the old crone's language1 nor could she probably give the real language of the parties in action1 for it was undoubtedly ,dutch2 nor can ,i convey an idea of her halting1 though impressive manner2 but the story1 having come direct through the broomstick fraternity1 is doubtless true in every particular1 and may be entitled ,,live-,,geese ,,feathers4 ,on the sloping bank near that little pond there dwelt1 ages ago1 an old man and his wife4 ,the situation was pleasant1 and would have been handsome--for the trees were more numerous then than now--if the edge of the bank had been covered with its natural sod2 but the trampling of geese and ducks had long ago worn away the vegetation to the bare earth4 ,the water was not over clear1 and the scum that here and there floated about1 innoxious as it might be to the feathered tribes1 was not agreeable to the human eye4 ,in fact1 the pond would have been unceremoniously termed a duck-pond1 although it was mainly appropriated to geese4 ,yes1 the old man and his wife made their daily bread by raising geese4 ,not only did the old fellow count upon the sale of the goose for food1 but several times a year did he pluck the feathers2 and on a large sign1 in whitish though somewhat weather-worn letters1 he had inscribed 8,,live-,,geese ,,feathers40 ,the truth must be told1 as it always should1 and old ,marrott had for twenty years1 four times a year1 cruelly plucked their feathers from the living geese4 ,with the most unfeeling barbarity1 he put them to awful tortures1 tearing from their reeking bodies the natural covering--and all that he and his wife might not starve4 ,how diabolical must have been the wretch6 ,little did he heed the poor creatures when their cries1 plainly as words1 begged and implored mercy2 little did he pause when1 finding remonstrance vain1 they made violent struggles to escape1 and flapped their wings1 and dashed themselves about2 little remorse did his merciless heart experience provided the feathers were numerous and of good quality2 and if two or three died from the torture and exposure1 what did he care1 provided he could sell their remains for food4 ,was it not a wonder that he had been permitted to carry on his inhuman practice so long8 ,but his punishment came at last4 ,among his flock was one1 aged and venerable1 that he had owned from the very beginning1 and which had been plucked upward of eighty times4 ,in his earlier days that gander had struggled1 and cried1 and besought like the others1 but in time he had come to passive endurance1 although there was a peculiar fire in his eye1 that1 if ,marrott had noticed1 would have quickened even his dull sense4 ,he had been a noble-looking bird--the lord of the flock--but age and ill usage had worn him away to a huge gaunt skeleton4 ,his body was in many places bare1 the feathers had been plucked so often2 his proud step had fallen away to an awkward shuffle1 and1 but for the gleam of his eye1 no one would have dreamed he had once been a king of birds1 so sorry was his plight4 ,the plucking season had almost come round again1 and already the geese--for long experience had accustomed them to the time--began to tremble in their feathers2 already they had serious thoughts of rebellion or flight1 and their loud cackling whenever their master appeared very clearly evinced their terror4 ,one night ,mother ,marrott had gone to the market with a number of eggs to sell1 and had left the old man alone4 ,she was not to be back till next day--for it was a long journey to the city in those times1 before railroads were invented1 and when the traveler had no horse--and1 as her husband sat in the evening by the faint1 flickering light of the tallow candle1 the most painful apprehensions took possession of what must be called his mind4 ,strange ghost and goose like sounds passed round and round the old house4 ,ever and anon from the poultry-yard came curious low noises1 as of suppressed conversational cackling1 and the wind sighed with a hissing sound1 while his shadow fell in all sorts of odd and uncouth shapes upon the wall1 as little like himself and much like a goose as could be4 ,in fact1 it seemed as though there was the dim outline of a goose trying to conceal itself in his shadow4 ,he was afraid to look at it fairly1 but he could see from the corner of his eye that it was something uncommon4 ,there was but one refuge--bed2 he hastened to undress1 but his clothes had never before made such objection to being taken off4 ,he was afraid to pull his shirt over his head--he was confident it would catch round his throat--so he left it on4 ,amid his trepidation he resolved to keep the light burning2 but1 just as he went to snuff it1 an audible hiss resounded from the chimney corner1 and in an instant he snuffed it out4 ,then he leaped into bed1 and hid his head below the bedclothes1 glad of the refuge4 ,there he lay still1 while his heart beat so loud that it seemed to shake the room4 ,the unusual noises increased even above its beating1 and still more ominous sounds were heard4 ,the windows rattled1 the door creaked1 the fire crackled1 the wind whistled4 ,horror on horrors6 the door opened6 unquestionably it swung open1 and the cold night air rushed in4 ,for a moment afterward all was silent1 then pat1 pat1 pat went little feet across the floor4 ,yes1 above the rattling and the creaking could his sharpened senses detect the unearthly tread of those little feet--pat1 pat1 pat4 ,they seemed now to pause before the fire4 ,pat1 pat1 pat1 they walk to the window4 ,then pat1 pat1 pat1 they approached the bed4 ,old ,marrott shivered1 but it was not with cold this time2 old ,marrott shrank down1 but it was not to avoid the night air4 ,he hoped he would escape observation2 but no2 there was a rustle1 and something rested on the bed4 ,the old man's breath came thick and fast4 ,suddenly the covers were dragged from off him1 and as he sprang up to a sitting posture a fearful sight met his eyes4 ,there1 upon the foot of the bed1 stood the old gander1 with one end of the bedclothes in his mouth4 ,there he stood1 grim and silent1 and now the old man saw but too plainly the revengeful glow of his piercing eye4 ,around and behind him were feathers--millions of feathers--the same that had been plucked from him during his long life4 ,they had all arrived for that night of vengeance4 ,some had come from ladies' beds and some from lawyers' desks1 some from lovers' hands and some from gluttons' teeth4 ,there they were floating to and fro in the air1 and awaiting the orders of their parent1 the gander4 ,the gander looked sternly at the trembling culprit1 who clasped his hands and tried to think of a prayer2 but his prayers had been forgotten long ago4 ,then it stretched out its neck till its head was close to his1 and it uttered a low hiss4 ,that hiss had the sound of a human voice4 ,but what was the old man's dread and fright when the goose drew back and commenced to speak as follows3 8,for this many and many a year10 he said1 and his voice had plainly a foreign accent1 8,i have lived within your power4 ,i have endured all the cruelties your malice could inflict4 ,what excuse have you to offer80 ,the old man's teeth chattered so that he could scarcely reply1 while a fresh-sharpened pen from a merchant's hand started forward and enforced the question with a deep thrust4 8,oh6 oh60 screamed poor ,marrott1 his wits on the stretch2 8,i only did it to get my living40 8,what6 ,hard-hearted man6 could you not have stripped us after death1 instead of torturing us while alive80 and then three quills fell upon him1 and came away dyed in his blood4 8,oh1 mercy6 ,i could not obtain enough feathers that way10 replied ,marrott1 scarcely conscious of what he was saying4 8,was it avarice1 then8 ,is that your explanation8 ,do you imagine that an excuse which rather aggravates your crime80 and a dozen feathers enforced the gander's words1 amid the cries of the miserable victim4 ,illustration 8,every one does the same60 he shrieked in his agony4 8,if every one else is cruel1 is that a reason you should be8 ,ought you not rather to have drawn a better moral from their vicious example80 and again the plumes plunged into his flesh1 for he was but little protected against such an attack4 8,oh1 murder6 murder6 ,the feathers of dead geese are not worth as much as those of live10 he cried out1 the torture getting the better of his prudence4 ,this answer was too unfeeling for the gander and his followers to endure4 ,they dashed1 one and all1 upon the old man1 who leaped from the bed and took to flight4 ,they followed1 and now1 when they plunged into his body1 the feathers remained sticking there4 ,they pursued him round the yard1 while he fought with his arms1 and cried1 and begged1 much as the geese had flapped1 and fluttered1 and cackled before4 ,the rest of the flock joined in the hunt1 and bit the flesh from his bare legs1 and beat him with their wings1 till the old man sank in a swoon4 ,then they spread their wings1 and soared far1 far out of sight4 ,next day1 when ,dame ,marrott returned1 what was her astonishment to find the house-door open1 and to see her husband's clothes scattered about upon the floor1 while he was nowhere to be found4 ,she called1 but there was no answer4 ,the place seemed unusually silent1 and there was no noise from the fowls4 ,she went to the poultry-yard2 no geese were to be seen4 ,she called them1 as if to be fed2 they did not come4 ,she began to search1 and then she found one poor goose stretched upon the ground1 bloody and half dead4 ,what did it mean8 ,she took him up and carried him in1 to revive him by the fire4 ,little did she dream that she bore her husband in her arms4 ,she rubbed and caressed him till he came to himself1 and then1 for the first1 did the old man know what had befallen him4 ,he was changed to a gander2 he tried to speak--a loud hiss alone issued from his mouth4 ,he tried to gesticulate--he could only flap his wings4 ,he walked hastily up and down2 he pulled at the dame's frock1 who was now busied with other things1 and he thrust his bill in her lap1 till she1 alarmed at such proceedings1 drove him from the house4 ,how miserable was now his lot6 how sorely he repented of his past wickedness6 ,he approached other geese of the neighbors1 but they either fled from him1 or fell upon and beat him4 ,he was compelled to remain solitary and miserable1 with no one to whom he could confide his sorrows4 ,but the worst was to come4 ,his wife1 after wondering what had become of her husband1 concluded that 8he was such an old goose he had got drowned in the creek20 and1 as it was plucking-time1 and she had nothing else to divert her mind1 she determined to pluck the only one of the flock remaining4 ,oh1 what dreadful torments did the poor gander endure1 and from the hands of her he loved6 ,how he shrieked6 how he struggled6 ,what agonizing efforts he made to speak1 but in vain6 ,the old woman1 only too well accustomed to her business1 held him fast1 and tore out feather after feather2 and1 although she thought more blood than usual flowed from the wounds1 she did not worry herself about that4 ,it was now his turn to endure those tortures he had so often inflicted--tortures tenfold increased from the greater tenderness of his flesh4 ,when the task was finished1 he lay bleeding1 and agonized1 and scarce able to move4 ,he waddled slowly down to the pond1 and the cool water assuaged his wounds4 ,but what was his dread1 and his wife's delight1 when he saw his feathers growing again with astounding rapidity6 ,in two weeks they were quite large1 and in two more he was in condition to pluck again4 ,what a life was before him1 to be doomed every month to excruciating sufferings1 and that from one who was mourning for her husband at every pang she gave him4 ,but the dame grew rich4 ,in her one goose she had an exhaustless treasure4 ,he cost little to keep1 and the more she plucked1 the more there was for next month4 ,she built a new house1 and then1 forgetting her husband1 ideas of a fresh marriage suggested themselves to her4 ,there was a young man soon found to marry her for her wealth1 and what was her old husband's misery to think that his torments purchased her a new bridegroom6 ,but this husband was a worthless fellow1 much given to drink1 and1 in a fit of intoxication1 he killed the old goose1 from which all their luxuries flowed4 ,poverty came upon them1 and1 ere long1 the dame had no feathers to sell1 and was forced to dispose of her house and her land1 pond included1 and to take down the sign of 8,,live-,,geese ,,feathers40 ,whether this story is positively and literally true1 ,i can not say of my own knowledge1 not having been born till one or more centuries after it is supposed to have happened2 but there are many pieces of corroborative evidence that go to maintain its entire accordance with fact4 ,whether the geese really spoke is to be doubted1 and the conversation may have been merely a dream--the effect of a bad supper on a worse conscience--but that they flew away can not be questioned1 for the pond is there1 and ,i have visited it often1 and never saw a goose near it4 ,it is well known that feathers are plucked from the living geese1 and1 as the sign is no longer up1 it is fair to presume it must have been taken down4 ,so1 with the foundation of the pond1 which still exists1 to start upon1 and with the absence of the sign and the admitted probability of the geese1 we have a strong case without the positive assertion of my informant1 who insisted she had been there1 and whom ,i shrewdly suspected to be ,dame ,marrott herself1 converted by glamourie from a ,dutch vrow into an ,irish crone4 ,as this legend lends a double charm and greatly-enhanced value to the property in the neighborhood of the pond1 the interests of my five acres and their owner could not permit it to be lost4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,nuisances1 ,,inhuman ,,and ,,human4--,,pets--,,the ,,charm ,,of ,,country ,,life4 8,musquitoes6 ,you'll never be troubled with them4 ,you may be surprised to hear it1 but musquitoes at ,flushing never come into the house4 ,they will often be plenty outside1 but they disappear the moment your foot touches the piazza4 ,another strange thing about them is1 that they may be abundant in the grass1 and1 as you walk through1 may rise up in thousands1 but they seem to be frightened at man1 and fly away at once without waiting to bite4 ,it is my opinion they get some other kind of food1 and are too well supplied to overcome the instinctive animal repugnance to a human being40 ,thus remarked ,weeville1 in his usual enthusiastic way over every thing that 8lives1 moves1 or has its being0 in or about ,flushing1 and no one who heard him could doubt for a moment his firm conviction in the entire accuracy of his statements4 ,historic truth1 however1 compels me to admit that his views were not entirely borne out by experience2 for1 although ,flushing musquitoes have amiable tempers for musquitoes1 they do occasionally bite4 ,but if the musquitoes are not bad in this delectable spot1 another torment exists1 which1 in spite of learned arguments proving its utility to man1 is certainly trying--flies are occasionally abundant4 ,now it may be that flies are great scavengers1 and save us from epidemics1 and noxious smells1 and dangerous vapors1 and that their presence is a sure indication of a healthy locality2 but in the early morning1 when one is in bed1 enjoying that most enjoyable season for sleep--the forbidden hours between sunrise and eight o'clock--two or three hundred flies buzzing about1 alighting on one's face1 crawling into one's nostrils1 tickling every inch of exposed skin1 are aggravating enough4 ,in saying two or three hundred1 ,i do not wish to be understood as positively confining myself to that number for the reputation of the place and the salability of my five acres of lots4 ,i wish to avoid exaggerating1 and there may have been two or three thousand4 ,after they had routed me out of bed at an hour when there was nothing whatever to do--for the daily papers can not be obtained in ,flushing before ,illustration half past seven o'clock--they pursued me all day long4 ,they crawled into the cream1 they scalded themselves to death in my coffee1 they clambered over the butter1 dragging their greasy legs heavily and slowly2 they planted themselves on my paper if ,i tried to write2 they filled up my inkstand and clogged the ink2 they scratched in my hair1 selecting the tenderest and least thickly covered spots1 and always returning to them after being frightened away2 and when1 exhausted with loss of rest and worn out with their attacks1 ,i endeavored to take a nap1 they fell upon me and banished sleep from my eyes4 8,flies60 said ,weeville1 when he heard of my miseries2 8why do you not kill them off8 ,i used to be troubled with them1 but ,i bought some of the gray fly-paper--,berensohn's lightning-killer--and soon brought matters to an issue4 ,the very first day we killed forty or fifty1 and the girl swept them up in the kitchen by tea-cups full3 the supply was not equal to the demand1 and ,i have not been waked by a fly since4 ,what a comfort it is to sleep through the morning in peace1 and not a single buzz60 ,before night ,i had the famous death-dealer1 and1 according to directions1 set it out in saucers1 covered with a little water1 and watched complacently1 and with somewhat of an about-to-be-gratified revengeful feeling in my breast1 for the result4 ,i waited and waited2 the flies buzzed1 and crawled1 and tickled1 but not one went near the fatal saucer2 in every part of the room were they except in that spot4 ,they crawled up and down the walls1 they perched on the ceiling1 they committed suicide in the water-pitcher1 they collected in masses on the crumbs lying about1 and chased one another around in playful and amatory mood1 but touch that saucer they did not4 ,i moved it from place to place1 and set it near where they were thickest1 but they only flew hurriedly away with louder buzz1 as much as to say1 8,get out with your old fly-killer40 ,in a rage1 ,i caught some and threw them into the poisoned chalice1 but they whisked out again with a shake of their wings1 and went off as diabolically busy and buzzy as ever4 ,i poured out some of the water1 fearing the attraction was too much diluted2 then1 finding that that did not answer1 ,i added an extra quantity1 but the result was the same4 ,the only part of the room entirely free from flies was the neighborhood of the fly-paper4 ,i was in despair till a happy thought struck me3 taking two of the sheets1 which are conveniently stuck together at the edges1 ,i laid them over my face and composed myself to sleep4 ,the effect was magical4 ,not a fly came near me1 and my nap was deliciously unbroken4 ,next day1 ,weeville1 on hearing my account1 abused me because ,i had not put some sugar in the water2 but1 as sugar was not mentioned in the direction1 it is hardly to be expected a person would divine its necessity4 ,with that addition1 the paper afterward killed flies enough2 but1 unfortunately1 the sugar attracted ten where the poison killed one1 and recourse was finally had to nets1 which kept the breeze and the flies out together4 ,i have said that ,patrick1 among his other acquisitions for our second year's operations1 had obtained two pups and two kittens4 ,this was with a view to the extermination of the rats and mice that ate our oats and danced nocturnal jigs in the partitions and ceilings of the house4 ,as ,patrick explained it1 he wanted the dogs to catch the rats1 and the cats to catch the mice1 which was certainly a fair division of labor2 but the former evidently considered that they were merely designed to carry into practice one link in the story of the 8,house that ,jack ,built10 and devoted their time mainly to worrying the latter4 ,whether the pups would have caught rats or the kittens mice is hard to tell1 as they were altogether too busy worrying or being worried to devote much attention to the chase1 and many was the battle waged between the belligerents4 ,the entire science of strategy could be learned from studying the conduct of this feline and canine war1 and ,i have always believed that ,grant and ,lee had both gone to the cats and dogs to acquire their knowledge4 ,felis1 being the weaker1 retires behind her intrenchment of boxes or chairs1 and takes advantage of the natural defenses of corners and holes1 while canis1 being driven to the attack1 exhausts his ingenuity in endeavoring to turn his opponent's flank1 or to inveigle her from her intrenchments4 ,i called my dogs ,gran and ,sher 7it seemed almost sacrilegious to copy the names literally71 and the cats ,lee and ,john4 ,gran was a bull-dog1 although not of quite pure blood1 and my conscience troubled me somewhat on that score2 but his grip was most tenacious1 and no punishment could make him 8sing out20 while ,sher was a full-blooded ,scotch terrier1 as ugly as possible1 but a sly little fellow1 great on unexpected attacks1 and dodging in on exposed places4 ,apart from his permanent battle with the kittens1 and a most inveterate dislike to boys and beggars1 ,gran was the gentlest of dogs4 ,he would beg for his dinner1 and would howl out his affection if asked whether he loved his master and simultaneously offered a piece of sugar1 of which he was extravagantly fond4 ,his countenance was expressive of the strongest devotion1 and his curly tail had a kindly wag for all his acquaintances4 ,but let a dirty boy appear--and ,flushing abounds with this nuisance--or let a beggar attempt to enter the front gate1 and ,gran went into a paroxysm of rage2 his hair bristled up1 his tail straightened and became twice its natural thickness1 and his eyes glared with the wildest fury4 ,if the offending party carried a bag1 his fate was sealed1 and many was the time that ,i had to rush out and interpose to save some tramp from the fate of the gentleman mentioned in ,scripture1 whose flesh was eaten by dogs4 ,on these occasions ,sher was true to himself2 and while ,gran rushed headlong on the enemy1 he would suddenly bounce out from under a bush1 or slip round through the fence1 and make a diversion in the rear4 ,my dogs were soon a terror to the neighborhood1 and a much more effectual protection than patting the children on their heads4 ,to be sure1 there were a few drawbacks to set off these advantages4 ,it was difficult to keep any work-people round the place2 and ,i had to pay for a pair of pantaloons that my painter left principally in ,gran's mouth ere he could escape up his ladder when a sudden attack caught him unprepared4 ,there was but one matter in which the kittens and pups all four agreed1 and that was to steal whatever they had the slightest fancy for4 ,milk was the weakness of the kittens1 and1 provided they could discover any unguarded pan1 a truce was declared1 and friend and foe united in foraging upon their master4 ,on such occasions they were content to drink together from the same dish in the most amicable way1 although the moment the feast was exhausted the cats fled to their intrenchments1 without so much as cleaning their whiskers1 and hostilities were renewed4 ,the pups preferred meat1 and great was the genius exhibited by ,sher in obtaining it surreptitiously4 ,he would pretend he was asleep1 waiting till the cook's back was turned2 or he would ostentatiously go out of the door1 and then1 slipping back1 hide and watch his opportunity4 ,when he obtained it he always divided with ,gran1 and a bone would occasionally alternate half a dozen times between them ere it was exhausted4 ,their playful moods were their most destructive2 digging holes was one of their chief pastimes4 ,why they dug holes ,i never could imagine2 they neither buried nor discovered any hidden treasure2 but they worked away with a zeal and patience that would have been most praiseworthy if properly applied4 ,some of my favorite 8herbaceous0 plants1 as ,bridgeman calls them1 were rooted up1 and my grass-plot--one which ,i had laid out in a beautiful oval beneath our solitary cedar1 and had planted with the most delicate lawn-grass--was fairly honeycombed with burrows4 ,at first ,i filled these holes and restored my plants1 but the pups only seemed to regard this as a challenge to their industry1 and immediately proceeded to dig them up again2 so ,i was compelled to let them have their way1 although it gave rather a strange appearance to the place1 and left an impression that a family of prairie-dogs resided there4 ,the pups were particularly fond of roaming round the flower garden4 ,when the seeds had pushed their delicate sprouts above ground1 ,i used to walk through the neatly-boxed paths1 and admire the thriving way in which every thing was growing4 ,the pups invariably watched for such occasions1 and rushed toward me in an apparent burst of affection1 bounding up and down over the beds1 and dancing with delight on my frailest seedlings4 ,if ,i took no notice of them1 they seized one another by the ears1 and1 thus coupled1 rushed about1 sweeping away the flowers in their course2 if ,i scolded them1 ,sher slipped into the nearest bush1 and1 lying down in the centre1 watched my actions with a wary eye1 while ,gran1 on the other hand1 came directly to me1 and1 seating himself on a bed1 looked me honestly and affectionately in the face1 while his wagging tail swept away the sprouting plants by dozens4 ,sher was particularly fond of a gilia2 its delicate leaves seemed to please him both as a bed and a hiding-place1 and he soon rolled the life out of it2 if ,i charged upon him1 he fled1 taking refuge in some other bushy plant2 and when ,i did catch him1 he would not walk1 but insisted upon being dragged in a most destructive manner from off the bed4 ,if ,i took hold of ,gran he retained his sitting posture1 which was almost equally injurious4 ,i soon found my only plan was to match my cunning against theirs1 and1 the moment they appeared1 to rush out of the garden1 calling them 8good dogs10 which was a falsehood of the blackest dye1 and pretending ,i was ready for a romp4 ,by this means they would be induced to follow me with great hilarity1 and occasionally forget to go back2 but ,i lost much of my enjoyment of the garden4 ,when not busy with the flowers1 they devoted themselves to the vegetables2 ,gran was delighted with hunting 8hop-toads10 as children call them1 and as these abounded in our five acres1 and were particularly fond of hiding in the water-melon patch1 he hunted it over and over again1 fairly plowing it up with his nose1 crushing the vines1 tearing the leaves to pieces1 and breaking off the fruit4 ,if he had killed the toads his proceedings might have come to an end with the exhaustion of the game2 but he was too tender-hearted for this1 and only pushed them with his nose to make them jump4 ,he pursued this exciting sport till the water-melons were almost ruined1 while ,sher devoted himself mainly to hiding under the okras or among the carrots1 and darting out at any passers-by in a playful mood4 ,in the course of his strategic movements he broke down most of the brittle okras1 and trampled rows of string-beans into the earth4 ,they had seen ,patrick chase the chickens from the garden1 and1 having constituted themselves his adjutants1 proceeded to keep the sacred precincts clear of these unholy intruders4 ,never would a wandering pullet or youthful rooster step within the fatal bounds but the two dogs would dart out with loud yelps1 and would frequently follow her or him1 naturally bewildered1 and not knowing which way to escape1 several times round the garden1 over the beds and through the vegetables1 doing more harm in five minutes than an entire brood of chickens would do in a month4 ,it was in vain that we endeavored to explain to them that zeal was dangerous2 and their manner of self-congratulation1 and of demanding approval when they had finally succeeded in ejecting the trespasser1 disarmed blame or correction4 ,there was one idiosyncrasy in ,patrick's mind--he never could punish an animal4 ,if the pups destroyed an entire bed1 or broke down a dozen plants1 he would only utter an exclamation or two of horror and reproach1 and then add1 apologetically1 8,ah6 the poor bastes do not know any better40 ,this threw the duty of correction upon my shoulders1 and ,i never was a subscriber to that horrible doctrine that punishment must not be inflicted in anger4 ,there is something fiendish in a person nursing up his wrath1 and then1 with deliberate cruelty1 venting it upon child or pet who has been trembling for hours with dread anticipation4 ,when the pups had dug up some favorite and expensive plant1 or crushed my only plantation of some pet seed1 and when ,i was naturally in a towering rage1 ,i could fall upon them and drive them howling to some secret place of safety2 but when1 after an hour's delay had dissipated my passion1 ,gran would approach with deprecating wag and loving smile1 and ,sher1 following more cautiously1 would lick his hairy chops in a contrite way1 it went against my very nature to beat them4 ,therefore1 although the pups met with some cuffs1 and occasionally received the blow of a well-directed stone1 they were not punished with absolute regularity1 had it a good deal their own way with the place and its surroundings1 and inflicted no little damage upon the growing crops4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,butter-,,making4--,,seeds ,,and ,,the ,,devil4 ,there is one advantage about the country that gives it a great superiority over the town4 ,in it you have every thing so fresh--fresh vegetables1 fresh milk1 fresh eggs1 fresh poultry1 and fresh butter4 ,you always feel sure that nothing is old or stale4 ,we had not yet tried making butter1 but the other articles we had enjoyed in their pristine excellence1 although some ignorant visitors from the city pretended that all of those which were sold in the ,flushing stores were brought from the ,new ,york markets4 ,i had been accustomed to buying butter in the village1 but the ,flushing farmers do not seem to have the knack of making fresh butter4 ,my purchases had not been altogether satisfactory1 and occasionally ,i obtained a rancid conglomeration of fatty matter that was far from inviting4 ,when more than ordinarily disgusted1 ,i had brought a supply home from ,fulton ,market1 where it was to be had both better and cheaper2 but as my friends1 who met me in the cars1 invariably inquired what ,i had in my tin kettle1 and wanted to know whether ,i had gone out for a day's work and taken my dinner-pail along1 ,i grew ashamed1 and determined thereafter to make my own butter4 ,to say that ,i was utterly unacquainted with butter-making was simply to admit that ,i had been born and reared in the city2 and1 except for some early reminiscences of an enthusiastic youth passing his summer amid rural pleasures1 and helping the tired and rosy-cheeked dairy-maid1 #a knew nothing whatever on the subject1 and did not even know in what scientific work to look for the needful instruction1 as nothing satisfactory was to be found in 8,bridgeman0 or 8,ten ,acres ,enough40 ,a churn was to be used1 that was clear2 but whether the milk was churned or the cream1 or how long it required1 or what other mysteries were involved1 ,i could not tell4 ,the first necessity1 therefore1 was to have a churn1 and to obtain this ,i stopped in at one of the numerous stores in and near ,fulton ,street1 where agricultural implements are sold4 ,i inquired falteringly if they had churns for sale1 not being certain that these came under that designation1 and a good deal confused at the mass of curious implements and wonderful pieces of mechanism which were scattered about4 8,certainly10 said the polite clerk2 8we might say that we have the only churn1 properly so called1 for it alone does the work as it should be done4 ,you probably know10 he continued1 as he led the way up stairs toward the fourth story1 8the scientific principles which govern the rapid production of butter4 ,the oxygen of the air is brought in immediate contact with the oleaginous particles of the milk1 the lactic acid is developed1 the curd and whey are separated1 and the butter is crystallized1 so to speak4 ,here10 he said at last1 when we had reached the highest floor1 and1 after conducting me between a hundred strange and complex machines1 stopped before one that more nearly resembled a modern ice-cream freezer than any thing else1 with the addition of a crank and a few extra cog-wheels1 8here is the ,patent ,duplex ,elliptic ,milk ,converter1 the only true and perfect churn4 ,you pour the milk in0--ah6 thought ,i to myself1 it is the milk that is churned1 after all--8you turn this handle2 by a simple arrangement of multiplying cogs1 the dasher is revolved at great speed1 the air is distributed through every part of the mass1 and brought in contact with every molecule composing it4 ,the lactic acid is generated--but ,i need not explain further to one who evidently understands the subject so thoroughly as yourself40 8,is there no danger of the machine's getting out of order80 ,i inquired mildly1 not1 however1 disclaiming the compliment1 and much impressed by this display of thorough scientific attainment on the part of my informant4 8,none whatever4 ,observe the dasher40 ,with that he jerked off the cover and lifted out the part referred to4 8,it is armed with flanges1 which revolve between the projecting knives1 or plates1 fastened to the sides of the tub4 ,they thoroughly agitate the milk1 which is thrown from one to the other1 and never allowed to rest4 ,the effects are truly wonderful4 ,the exertion is the minimum2 the results are the maximum4 ,no more sour cream2 no more rancid butter4 ,a child can produce a pound of butter from a quart of milk in the short space of a minute and a half40 ,by this time1 between the revolving of the wheels and the man's incomprehensible conversation1 ,i was in a dazed state1 and may not remember accurately his statements4 ,i was only clear on one point1 and that was that the ,duplex ,elliptic ,milk ,converter1 although evidently the perfection of science1 was too grand for my wants4 8,have you nothing simpler80 ,i inquired1 faintly4 8,nothing can be simpler10 was the decided response2 8here you have a crank2 there1 a few iron wheels2 inside1 the dasher4 ,the price is moderate2 one that would do the work of a dairy would be only fifty dollars4 ,that amount could be saved in a summer40 8,i should like to inquire farther10 ,i hastily answered2 and1 hurrying down stairs1 in spite of remarks about acids and oxygen1 nitrogen1 caseine1 and a dozen other scientific compounds1 ,i escaped from the store4 ,there is always a dreadful feeling of shame connected with not purchasing when one enters a store and asks for an article4 ,it seems as though you were getting credit and making a display on false pretenses4 ,the manner of the attendant suggests a doubt of your honesty1 and any little compliments he may have paid you are manifestly taken back at once1 and contempt usurps the place of esteem4 ,after pausing to recover my breath and my courage1 ,i entered the nearest place of a similar character and made the same inquiry4 8,yes1 sir2 we have a churn of a most approved and successful description4 ,there10 he continued1 as the clerk brought me face to face with a still stranger-looking machine1 more like the walking-beam of a steam-engine than my early recollections of a churn1 8there you have simplicity itself4 ,in it you go back to first principles4 ,you wind up a spring--0 8,a spring60 ,i exclaimed4 8,undoubtedly4 ,no one thinks of using manual power in these times4 ,the dashers are secured to each end of this bar1 and as one rises while the other falls1 there is no loss from the attraction of gravitation4 ,we call this the ,hippo-opticon40 8,the ,hippo-opticon1 did you say80 ,i inquired1 wonderingly4 8,yes2 the name is derived from two ,greek words1 hippo1 a horse1 and opticon1 sight2 because it has the strength of a horse and the eye of intelligence4 ,it works without care or superintendence4 ,when once started it runs of itself4 ,the cream--0 8,the cream60 ,i muttered to myself1 having supposed that ,i had just discovered that milk was churned4 8,the cream is placed in these two receptacles2 the dashers fall regularly and slowly40 8,slowly60 ,i exclaimed1 still more surprised1 remembering the praises ,i had heard of excessive speed4 8,churning must be done slowly2 that is the best established law4 ,there must be deliberation and regularity40 8,what is your opinion10 ,i inquired1 8of the ,patent ,duplex ,elliptic ,milk ,converter80 8,then you have seen that worthless contrivance6 ,it could not have deceived an experienced farmer like yourself4 ,why1 that whirligig is the most utterly useless affair conceivable4 ,it is forever out of order2 the flanges bend1 the cogs break4 ,whatever you do1 don't buy that4 ,in ours you have primitive simplicity and perfect security40 ,at this point a brilliant idea entered my mind1 and1 taking my departure without even waiting to ask the price of this wonderful invention1 ,i hurried back to the first store4 ,thrusting my head in at the door1 and not daring to advance farther lest ,i should be overwhelmed by a second avalanche of learned terms1 ,i inquired of the smiling clerk1 who evidently saw the certainty of a customer in my return1 what he thought of the ,hippo-opticon4 8,the ,hippo-opticon60 he laughed2 8that old fogy concern that winds up with a spring8 ,my opinion simply is that it will never make butter at all4 ,it never has yet1 and it never will4 ,they could not humbug a gentleman of your discernment with that attempt to return to the antiquated days of our forefathers4 ,the ,patent ,duplex--0 8,thank you60 ,i shouted1 as ,i slammed to the door1 and fled without waiting to hear farther4 ,the selection of a churn was evidently an intricate matter4 ,it was a practical affair1 in which intellectual research would not help me1 and recourse must be had to ,weeville4 ,as soon as ,i returned to the country ,i sent for him1 and inquired which was the proper churn to use1 and what was the proper thing to put in it4 8,well10 he said1 deliberately1 8the art of making butter is yet in its infancy2 the principles that control it are not fully understood4 ,great cleanliness is a prime requisite2 the dairy must be well ventilated2 electricity is very injurious4 ,in ,switzerland they do not allow women to take part in any of the operations1 even in milking the cows1 on account of their possessing more electricity than men40 8,oh60 ,i broke forth in despair1 8,i give it up2 it is altogether too complicated a matter--0 8,nonsense10 said ,weeville1 suddenly recovering himself2 8the old-fashioned ordinary churn is the best2 ,i will send you one4 ,you must use cream1 and there is no difficulty so long as proper regard is paid to cleanliness40 ,with that he left me4 ,his suggestions about electricity were alarming4 ,i had often felt the electrical power of the female sex4 ,i had received many dangerous shocks from them2 the touch even of their hands had often produced palpitations and electrical phenomena of the strangest kind4 ,there could be no anticipating what might be the result if the cream was affected by their presence4 ,while ,i was hesitating what to do1 ,i suddenly thought of ,patrick4 ,there was nothing electrical about him4 ,he might be dirty--his hands and face usually were--but there was no other danger4 ,he was called at once1 and told to milk the cow himself in future1 and be sure to wash his hands and face first2 to which directions he gave a surprised assent1 wondering1 no doubt1 at the sudden interest his master evinced in his personal appearance4 ,i took charge of the dairy myself1 to exclude all possibility of electrical phenomena1 and skimmed the cream carefully4 ,cushy had been falling off lately for some incomprehensible reason1 having done so well for eighteen months2 and when1 at the end of a week1 the churn arrived1 it seemed ludicrously large for the small bowlful of cream that had been collected--not much more than a pint in all4 ,patrick1 when ,i called upon him to wash his hands and set to work1 burst forth with the astonished inquiry1 8,sure yer honor does not want me to churn that little speck ov crame in this big tub4 ,it would get lost intirely40 ,illustration 8,but1 ,patrick10 ,i replied1 8this cream must be churned at once40 ,this conclusion was not any deduction of science1 although it was announced in an authoritative tone1 intended to impress ,patrick with my vast experience and thorough knowledge of the subject4 ,to state how ,i arrived at my opinion1 it is sufficient to say that my nose assured me of it4 ,the weather was warm1 and the dairy was merely a closet in the cellar1 springs and brooks not being numerous in my territory4 8,well1 then1 yer honor1 let me make a nate little churn out ov a ginger-pot there is in the cellar1 with the lid ov a salt-box for dasher1 and the piece ov a broom for handle4 ,that will be the doin' ov it40 8,just as you please1 ,patrick10 ,i answered1 entirely convinced of the inadequacy of the cream to the occasion2 8only be sure and make me a good article40 8,indade and ,i will do that same1 and ,i'm sure yer honor will be mightily plased4 ,let me aloon for that40 ,shortly after1 ,patrick produced a queer-looking extemporized churn that1 although odd enough in appearance1 was manifestly better adapted to the emergency than the enormous affair that ,weeville had sent me1 apparently supposing that ,i was about to set up a public dairy4 ,i expected a friend to dinner that day1 and gave especial directions that the results of the churning were to come on the table as a surprise to my guest4 ,when the dinner was served1 ,i was delighted with the whiteness of the fresh butter1 that spoke so well for its purity4 ,without saying a word1 ,i helped my friend liberally1 and then awaited the result4 ,how ,i enjoyed1 by anticipation1 his enjoyment of so rare a delicacy6 ,i could scarcely wait for him to taste it before explaining how it was obtained4 ,he looked at it curiously1 then spread some on his bread and tried it1 then ate the bread without4 ,hastily taking a piece and tasting it1 ,i no longer wondered at his conduct1 but1 turning to the maid1 sternly demanded how she dare put such stuff on the table4 8,oh1 never mind10 said my friend2 8these things will happen in the country1 where you do not have any markets to go to4 ,i often taste bad butter when ,i am out of town1 although not often so bad as this2 but ,i can do without very well40 ,when dinner was over1 ,i visited my man1 and inquired of him1 rather reproachfully than angrily1 8,patrick1 what was that you made8 ,was it cheese1 or was it butter8 ,it was very bad as either2 but which was it80 8,sure1 yer honor10 he replied1 scratching his head1 8,i don't rightly know meself2 but the crame was spoilt intirely1 and ,i did the best ,i could40 8,patrick10 ,i answered1 8,i am afraid you are electrical1 after all40 ,this attempt was but a sort of interlude1 and ,i kept my mind mainly on the various productions of the earth4 8,weeville10 ,i said one day1 in early fall1 when the first cold snap had thrown a tinge of brown over much of my garden1 8how do you manage to collect the flower-seeds for use next spring80 8,why1 my dear boy10 he replied1 gayly1 8that is easy enough3 dry them a little1 put them in bags labeled1 and set them aside in a dry place1 where the mice can not get at them to make a daily meal at your expense40 8,i do not refer to that part2 the books on gardening speak of that1 but they give no directions for gathering the seed4 ,i have studied ,bridgeman1 ,rand1 and the rest of them1 but they nowhere tell you when or how to collect the seed40 8,my dear fellow1 you surely would not expect ,bridgeman to tell you how to save seeds2 that is his occupation1 and a pretty fool he would be to let out all the secrets of his trade40 8,then he had no business to write on gardening10 ,i added1 earnestly2 for ,i have an immense idea of duty1 and a high standard for the obligations of authorship2 8a man who publishes a book1 and retains any knowledge on the subject of which he treats for his own purposes1 is a scoundrel and a cheat2 he is false--0 8,now1 now10 interrupted ,weeville1 soothingly1 8don't get on your high horse2 remember human nature4 ,a pretty notion it would have been if ,bridgeman had enabled all his customers to do without him1 and perhaps set up in the seed-business themselves40 8,i can only say1 then1 that he had no right to take upon himself the honors of authorship2 there is no justification for his assuming the place of instructor when he was merely a self-seeker4 ,his book1 then1 is simply an advertisement40 8,call it what you please1 but do not get excited4 ,borrow his catalogues1 which contain much useful information1 and for which he charges nothing1 but do not abuse a hard-working man1 striving to get ahead in the world40 8,very well1 then4 ,to come back to my difficulties--,i want to know when ,i am to gather the seeds2 they only ripen in small quantities1 and1 if left1 are scattered and lost40 8,oh1 you must watch your chance2 stick to it2 #8here a little1 and there a little2' do not be impatient40 8,the pods of phlox burst the moment they turn yellow1 and1 ere ,i notice them among the mass of those still green1 they have spilled their contents2 the gilia are so small that ,i can not find them at all2 the mignonnette really does not seem to bear seed2 and the capsules of the portulaca have to be picked one at a time1 and are so low that it almost breaks my back to bend down to them4 ,how is it that you manage80 8,i never have any trouble2 ,i go through my garden daily40 8,to come to a point--what do you do about the phlox80 8,you must be on the alert1 and save all you can40 8,now1 ,weeville10 ,i said1 sternly1 for he was in the act of buttoning up his coat to go1 as though the discussion were over1 8,i do not believe you know any thing about it40 8,what--what--what's that you say80 8,i do not believe you are any better acquainted with the right mode of gathering seeds than ,i am40 8,well10 he replied1 as he went out of the door1 with a pleasant smile1 8the fact is1 ,i do generally get a new supply every year from ,thorburn40 ,before ,i had fully recovered from my surprise at this discovery1 and when ,i was remembering how1 every year1 the oldest farmers and gardeners were to be seen running into the seed-stores to buy what they should have saved if they had known how1 ,patrick thrust his head in at the door4 8,can ,i spake to yer honor a moment80 8,certainly1 ,patrick40 8,and is it thrue1 what ,mr4 ,weeville says1 that the devil's been seen on the earth80 8,it is so alleged in the papers10 ,i replied1 8and you know whatever is stated there must be true40 8,yes1 yer honor10 he answered1 evidently referring in his own mind to a temporary connection of mine with that palladium of freedom4 8,and sure10 he continued1 as he approached cautiously1 8and what is he like80 8,he is described as being forty feet high1 spitting fire from his mouth and nostrils1 and with huge horns over his eyes40 8,that's awful intirely2 but there's prophecies in the ,good ,book that he should be let loose on the earth1 but ,i didn't think it was to be quite yet4 ,was it far from here that he was80 8,yes1 more than a thousand miles40 8,sure and that's pleasant1 for it ain't likely he'll get this far40 8,that is not so certain10 ,i replied1 to lead him on4 8,he has a habit of going up and down on the earth40 8,but it would take him a long time to travel that distance40 8,the devil1 if it really was he1 could go a thousand miles in an instant40 8,could he1 now8 ,well1 ,i suppose he don't go by rail1 more especially like the one that runs from ,new ,york to ,flushing4 ,perhaps he travels on the telegraph wires1 that1 they say1 takes a letter along so fast you can't see it4 ,well1 well1 if he comes this way1 all ,i have to say is1 he'll get great gatherins in ,flushing40 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,success ,,of ,,the ,,year4 ,the agricultural books all tell us that1 at the close of the season1 we should look back and review the work that we have accomplished1 comparing it with previous results1 or studying where improvements could be effected4 ,our second year was certainly a great advance upon the first1 as the former might be said to have been rather a case for what the merchants call profit and loss--all loss and no profit1 so far as actual production is concerned4 ,the previous attempt had resulted in raising absolutely nothing1 whereas our subsequent one had raised a great deal2 we had much to show for it1 although not always exactly what we wanted4 ,there was ample room for improvement1 and there were abundant errors manifestly requiring correction4 ,we did not need an acre of onions1 that was perfectly clear1 as the servants could consume but a limited quantity1 which fell off rapidly when they were told they could have all they wanted1 and the residue did not seem to have a positive market value1 ,patrick vainly offering them at any price to every market-man in ,flushing2 so it was evident that we should not require as many the ensuing season4 ,onions are rather a pretty vegetable1 and grateful for the least care4 ,they grow readily2 in fact1 like the would-be 8butcher boy10 they are bound to do it4 ,they come up so well that they come clear up above ground in their effort1 and show their luscious yellow or white bulbs above the surface4 ,when these first began to swell ,i proceeded to earth them over1 fearing lest their nakedness should expose them to injury2 but1 as the plot devoted to their service was rather large1 and ,patrick utterly refused to assist me1 being invariably too busy whenever ,i called upon him to help cover the onions1 and insisting that 8they didn't nade it at all1 at all1 and that it was ruinin' them ,i was intirely10 ,i finally abandoned the attempt4 ,it was some time ere my fears for the result were removed1 and the discovery made that onions could take care of themselves4 ,it is a pity egg-plants do not grow as obstinately as onions2 they do not1 however1 nor do most other good things4 ,peas are a profitable crop--that is1 if they are not dwarfs1 or do not go to leaf1 as ours did2 and there are many different kinds--so many that the novice in gardening is somewhat puzzled to choose4 ,fortunately1 by ,weeville's advice1 we had made an excellent selection1 and by changing the acre of onions into an acre of ,daniel ,o',rourkes we might possibly have enough for the family4 ,as ,i have mentioned before1 the ,o',rourkes are not profuse bearers2 it may be called a rather lucky chance if they bear any thing but leaf1 and consequently it is not in a monetary sense that they are profitable2 the benefit they confer is in enabling one to crow over one's city visitors4 ,the dwarfs are not desirable4 ,they constituted our principal stock1 and1 useful as they might be in the penance line1 as edibles they compare unfavorably with pebbles4 ,we had an immense quantity of beets1 and had experimented in divers ways of cooking them4 ,we had them boiled1 baked1 stuffed1 and roasted1 hot1 cold1 pickled in vinegar1 and even fried1 but through it all they were 8dead beets40 ,i had serious ideas of trying to extract sugar from them2 but when ,patrick informed me that ,dandy ,jim approved of their flavor1 ,i gave them over to his care4 ,our pole-beans1 which are good for pork and beans--if any ,christian eats that dish and lives--were also extremely successful4 ,the ,limas bore a few pods1 but that was after we returned to the city2 ,patrick1 however1 said they were excellent4 ,our spinach was so abundant that ,i should have turned ,cushy into it if ,i could have restricted her attentions to that alone4 ,the cucumbers were very numerous1 our cabbages innumerable1 and our cauliflowers nowhere4 ,it was clear that this must be changed4 ,the ,limas must be made to emulate the pole-beans1 the spinach1 beets1 and onions must be kept down to proper limits1 the cucumbers and cabbages must be eliminated1 and the cauliflowers encouraged4 ,how to effect these changes1 however1 was not entirely clear to my mind4 ,our corn grew remarkably well4 ,fresh sweet corn is a dish of which ,i am particularly fond2 it is luscious1 healthful1 and appetizing2 it contains much milk--the human being's natural nourishment2 it is excellent boiled or roasted on the cob1 stewed in milk1 or mixed with beans into succotash2 even corn juice is good occasionally--but that requires age4 ,patrick had planted a goodly lot of it4 ,i watched the stalks rise and the broad leaves spread out with infinite pleasure4 ,the ears formed with their long silky tops1 and swelled1 as they reached maturity1 like a budding maiden4 ,it was with great anticipations that we awaited our first meal of new corn4 ,this was admirably cooked1 and came on the table smoking hot1 each cob enveloped in its steaming green cuticle1 but somehow the taste did not prove so agreeable as we had expected4 ,thinking that it might be too young1 ,i told ,patrick not to pick any more for a day or two4 ,the next trial was even more unsatisfactory--it had absolutely no flavor whatever4 ,feeling there must be something wrong1 with sinking heart ,i cross-questioned ,patrick1 and discovered that he did not know there was any difference between sweet corn and the common kind1 and had planted a quantity of that which he was using for the horses4 ,i never ascertained what became of it1 but we did not try it again on the table4 ,our asparagus was gone without redemption4 ,the few spears that struggled up into existence reached a partial state of forwardness2 but association with ,patrick's planting of turnips appeared to disgust them1 and they lay down and died with hardly an effort4 ,our trees succeeded excellently2 they were unusually large1 and had cost an extra price1 as the nurseryman1 when ,i bought them1 assured me that they would bear fruit the first year4 ,they stood the blasts of winter bravely4 ,in spring they put out their leaves1 and even burst into occasional flower1 but they did not go so far as bearing fruit4 ,they appeared to have some misunderstanding of the principal object of their existence1 and did not come up to the promise made for them on their purchase1 and by them afterward4 ,as shade-trees they did not amount to much1 and even as ornaments they were rather thin2 but as fruit-bearers they were a total failure4 ,our strawberries had rather surpassed expectation4 ,the first lot1 it is true1 had died out1 but those planted in the spring seemed to feel called upon to redeem the good name of the race4 ,they grew admirably1 and not only covered themselves with blossoms1 but actually bore fruit--not very luxuriantly1 but much more abundantly than ,i had any reason to anticipate4 ,we had quite a bowlful of them--the red1 firm1 ripe berries being a delicious contrast to the soft1 faded1 stale things that are sold to us in the city4 ,when these were picked1 the vines were still covered with green fruit1 and ,i expected to have many a dessert from them4 ,i am a great admirer of strawberries--and so are chickens--in spite of the crisp little seeds that somewhat injure them4 ,they have just the proper amount of acidity to render them piquant when compounded with sufficient sugar4 ,raspberries are too sweet1 and blackberries have not sufficient delicacy of flavor1 so that ,i prefer strawberries4 ,but1 unfortunately1 as ,i remarked above1 so do chickens4 ,after our first taste ,i visited the garden hopefully every morning1 but was much surprised to find none of the green berries become ripe4 ,they disappeared gradually1 and ,i was greatly at a loss to understand the reason4 ,i knew that ,gran was fond of strawberries1 but he was an honest dog4 ,you might trust him with untold strawberries1 and he would not touch one without permission4 ,he might howl for them until he would drive his master crazy1 but1 although his howlings were ineffectual1 he would not steal4 ,sher was less trustworthy1 but he did not like the acid berries4 ,the pigs could not get out1 nor ,cushy get in2 so that the diminution was a mystery to me1 until1 happening to rise one morning quite early1 ,i discovered our entire flock of chickens busy in the strawberry-patch1 and1 driving them out1 ,i noticed the remains of several fine ripe berries4 ,this explained the difficulty4 ,there was no place where we could cage the chickens2 in fact1 as the berries were mostly consumed1 to do so would be rather late1 and ,i had nothing for it but to see my favorite fruit 8grow small by degrees and beautifully less10 amid the early 8clucks0 of delight that thereafter suggestively broke in upon my morning slumbers1 until the entire plot was bare4 ,from this adventure two deductions were to be drawn3 one1 that ,i must plant more of these energetic vines2 the other1 that ,i must build a chicken-coop4 ,the latter would cost heavily1 probably more than many years' supply of both berries and chickens2 and1 to save the expense of applying to the nurseries for the former1 ,i must encourage our own vines to run and propagate4 ,to effect this1 when ,july drew toward a close1 and they put out suckers in every direction1 ,i pinned these down with small forked sticks1 so as to compel them to take root4 ,this was an original idea of my own1 of which ,i was particularly proud4 ,weeville ridiculed it1 saying that there would be young plants enough without that trouble2 but ,i determined to help ,nature--which the doctors have lately ascertained is the true principle in encouraging human plants to grow and discouraging them from dying4 ,the work kept me quite busy1 for it was astounding how many runners started off and how fast they ran4 ,they took root finely1 and soon made the entire patch a mass of flourishing plants4 ,they grew and grew1 and interlaced and twined round one another1 and1 unfortunately1 the weeds grew with them1 till1 when ,i undertook to transplant them in the fall1 ,i could not tell the old plants from the young4 ,this was rather unlucky2 for1 unless the old stools1 as they are called1 were preserved1 there would be but a slim crop the following year4 ,nevertheless1 ,i tried in vain to distinguish the parents from their healthy children1 and at last had to direct ,patrick to dig out as many as he wanted indiscriminately1 and then to cut paths through the residue at regular intervals1 regardless of what might be in the way4 ,the next year will show the result1 for which ,i was prepared to wait with due patience4 ,the second season of my life in the country having closed1 and the new year1 with relaxation from agricultural pursuits1 being upon us1 ,i proceeded to make up my annual exhibit of the result4 ,the investments of my previous year had not turned out well2 the asparagus and strawberries failed utterly1 and my garden had been a virgin soil when it was attacked in the spring4 ,but this season there was every reason to be satisfied with the result2 the productions1 although not exactly such as a gourmand would prefer1 were abundant2 the flowers had been a grand success1 some of them far surpassing the wildest anticipations2 and the vegetables did no discredit to the soil1 although they did not reflect much honor on ,patrick's judgment4 ,the fact had been clearly established that there was only needed the eye and mind of the master to produce a highly creditable result4 ,it could not be questioned that a place which would grow such wonderful pumpkins1 and such vast expanse of onion1 and such early and abundant squashes1 would also1 if properly managed1 be as fertile of egg-plants1 cauliflowers1 and the other higher classes of vegetables4 ,there was no probability of my again visiting the ,old ,world1 and ,i should be able to devote undivided attention to my horticultural pursuits4 ,as with the previous year1 it is not an easy matter to make out the accounts satisfactorily2 there were items that were of questionable relationship toward investment or yearly expenditure2 there were kinds of profit difficult of estimation1 and1 as usual1 there were sundry matters altogether forgotten4 ,if there is any one point more important than another in recording the experiences of an individual in any pursuit1 when these experiences are to be the guide of others1 it is absolute exactness in figures and calculations4 ,i have1 therefore1 been exceedingly careful1 and devoted much consideration to every item ere it was inserted1 and ,i flatter myself that the following statement may be relied upon confidently3 ,,investment ,,account4--,,debit4 ,cost of premises #ae1jjj ,three hundred loads of fertilizer #ahj ,strawberry plants #c ,new teeth #ej ,dandy ,jim #dej ------- ,total #ae1fhc ,,investment ,,account4--,,credit4 ,value of premises #af1jjj ,dandy ,jim #ej ,new teeth #ajj ,strawberry bed #ej ------- ,total #af1bjj ,,yearly ,,expenses4--,,debit4 ,asparagus #f #jj ,seeds #aj #ej ,subscription to ,skating-pond #aj #jj ,damage to wagon #ej #jj ------- ,total #gf #ej ,,yearly ,,receipts4--,,credit4 ,one quart of strawberries #ej ,one hundred bushels 7estimated7 of onions #ej #jj ,ten egg-plants #b #ej ,one peck ,daniel ,o',rourke peas #b #jj ,one thousand squashes #ajj #jj ,five hundred cucumbers #bj #jj ,one hundred pumpkins #be #jj ,five cauliflowers #b #ej ,fifty bushels of tomatoes #be #jj ,beets1 beans1 turnips1 etc4 #ej #jj ------- ,total #bgg #ej ,there are some items in the foregoing accounts that require explanation4 ,the manure was included in permanent capital1 because it went into the ground1 became incorporated with it1 and added just so much additional value to it4 ,the strawberries1 having now proved successful1 ceased to be a current expense1 but entered into the total cost4 ,the new teeth referred to are not for the rakes1 as might be supposed1 but for myself4 ,having heretofore mentioned some of ,dandy ,jim's peculiarities1 ,i omitted an explanation of our last association and final separation4 ,i was not fond of driving the gallant steed--so gallant that he usually danced twenty feet to one side1 and stood on his hind legs whenever he saw the dress of a woman--but ,i was occasionally forced to make use of his services4 ,the train happening to give out1 and being pressed to attend to some business in town1 ,i had him harnessed1 and1 with some misgivings1 commenced my journey toward the city4 ,by great care and discretion1 ,i managed to make my way through the village1 which he cleared at full run1 in consequence of a sudden whistle from a locomotive attached to a dirt train2 over the bridge1 where he shied from one side to the other1 grazing both the wheels against the heavy plank balustrade2 along ,jackson's ,avenue1 where he bounced up and down on passing every market-wagon or hay-cart2 on board the ferry-boat1 to which he was only constrained by violent abuse and the physical strength of several of the hands of the boat1 and where he amused himself by pawing steadily1 and occasionally backing on the horse directly behind1 and thus causing much excitement1 bad temper1 and coarse language during the entire trip2 and fairly on the stone pavements of the city streets4 ,by this time ,i had lost all fear1 having resigned myself to perfect recklessness1 like the man who1 after being exposed a thousand times to death1 no longer dreads it2 and ,i drove up ,thirty-fourth ,street1 across the tunnel at ,fourth ,avenue1 and into ,fifth ,avenue1 as though there was no such thing as peril in my path4 ,down our fashionable thoroughfare ,i proceeded1 assuming rather a jaunty and professional air2 ,i squared my elbows1 held my whip in my hand1 taking great care not to touch ,dandy ,jim1 however1 and looked round at the foot-passengers1 as much as to say1 8,i am not afraid to drive this wild animal2 ,i do it every day40 ,unfortunately for the triumph of my assumptions1 there was a piece of paper lying directly in our path4 ,now ,dandy ,jim has an objection to paper1 why ,i never could discover2 but paper1 white or brown1 newspaper or blank paper1 leaves or letters1 is to him a thing of horror--his very soul revolts at it4 ,it certainly never could have done him any injury--it is1 except as a vehicle of slander1 so perfectly harmless--but he seemed to hold it in abject terror4 ,this idiosyncracy was well known to me1 but1 unfortunately1 my mind was so occupied with the effect ,i was producing that ,i did not notice the exciting cause4 ,to aggravate the difficulty1 just as we approached the objectionable article1 and when my peculiar animal might have consented to pass by with a reasonable amount of self-restraint1 a sudden gust blew it directly under his feet4 ,if paper was his detestation1 moving paper was a monstrosity magnified fifty fold2 he reared up on his hind legs1 made one bound sideways full thirty feet1 and then1 stopping suddenly1 slipped on the pavement1 and fell flat on his side4 ,exactly what happened to me ,i never could determine4 ,i seemed to be flying2 next ,i beheld a splendid coruscation of fire-works2 and then ,i awoke to find myself stretched at full length in the street1 with a bloody nose and a scarcity of front teeth4 ,dandy ,jim regained his feet more quickly than myself1 ran away1 smashed the wagon1 as was his wont1 and wound up by getting shut in by stages and carts1 when he was ignominiously led away captive by a stalwart policeman4 ,i gathered myself up as well as ,i could1 and went home in a dilapidated state4 ,this led to my selling ,dandy ,jim and buying a set of false front teeth2 the former brought precisely what it cost to pay for the latter4 ,illustration ,thus it was that ,i overcame a prejudice that had long beset me against the artificial productions of manufacturing dentistry4 ,this objection exists in the minds of many persons1 although nothing can be more unfounded4 ,if there is any thing that is an utterly miserable failure1 it is the natural set of teeth4 ,from almost the hour when we come into the world1 until the time when we quit it1 or so long as a stump or root remains1 our teeth are a source of annoyance to us4 ,they have to be cut1 and then pulled out1 that they may 8cut and come again40 ,as babies1 we are 8never ourselves0 for the cutting of our teeth2 when we grow older we wish we were any body else1 from the misery they cause us4 ,they ache1 and decay1 and break2 they come out when they should stay in1 and stay in when they should come out2 they torture and torment us till we only get rid of them with life itself4 ,on the other hand1 the artificial teeth never pain the possessor1 rarely break1 and1 if broken1 are easily replaced2 are readily cleaned1 do not fall out1 but can be removed at pleasure4 ,they are infinitely handsomer than their ugly1 irregular1 uneven1 discolored1 and dirty prototypes4 ,these exquisite productions of art are made of a delicate1 pearly shade of white2 they form a perfect row of well-proportioned beauty1 undistinguishable from the genuine article1 their very gums matching and closely fitting the natural flesh beneath them2 they never inflict a torturing tooth-ache1 driving man crazy with pain1 and keeping him sleepless the long1 dreary nights2 they require no filling--an operation that the unfortunate possessor of living teeth dreads only less than the rack itself2 and they do not have to be pulled out1 with an agony comparable to the effect of drawing the entire brain out through the hole at the roots4 ,from my experience before and since my accident1 ,i should certainly advise my fellow-creatures to have as little to do with real teeth as possible1 and to substitute the imitation as soon as they can4 ,there may be a certain amount of suffering in having teeth1 and especially sound ones1 extracted1 but the satisfaction of being finally rid of the troublesome things more than pays for the temporary annoyance4 ,a natural set will become dirty in spite of endless scrubbing with the tooth-brush2 some are invariably longer than others2 there are projections and depressions2 wherever they lap1 tartar settles2 inside it is impossible to get at them at all1 and they compel a half-yearly interview with the dentist1 from which one comes away greatly unnerved4 ,their substitutes are a great improvement to one's personal appearance1 and never cause the slightest inconvenience1 besides saving hours in cleaning1 that1 in a long life1 amount to an aggregate of years4 ,the new teeth were so far superior to those that they replaced1 that they are valued on the credit side of the account at a hundred dollars1 showing a clear profit of one hundred per cent4 ,in fact1 ,i regard this discovery as one of the most valuable1 if not the very most valuable1 of the results of my country experience4 ,the premises are set down at an increase of one thousand dollars1 and1 if my readers had seen the difference between a bare tract of land and a garden blooming with beauty1 odorous with fragrance1 and smiling with abundance1 they would have felt that the improvement was stated at too low a rate4 ,the strawberries are also put at a large advance upon the prime cost2 but a thriving bed of this excellent fruit1 bidding fair to supply the wants of the entire household1 to gratify friends1 and to supply the place of costlier desserts1 was well worth a round sum of money4 ,it certainly cost me much care and anxiety2 it had failed once1 and threatened at first to give out the second time1 but finally had proved an absolute success1 and was already becoming the parent of other plantations4 ,among the items of yearly expense will be found included a charge for entrance-fee to the skating-pond4 ,this may at first seem to be more of a luxury than an actual necessity1 but1 as it was clear that ,i should not have incurred it if ,i had not been in ,flushing1 ,i put it down4 ,my yearly receipts do not represent so much income actually received1 for1 as has been stated previously1 there did not appear to be a market for garden produce in ,flushing1 but are given as the amount ,i should have had to pay if ,i had bought the various articles at retail prices4 ,this is clearly proper2 for1 if we had wanted them to eat1 had purchased them at the stalls1 and had paid the current charges1 there would have been just so much additional outlay2 that we did not eat them is no answer1 for we could have done so had we wished4 ,this exhibit was certainly entirely satisfactory2 the account had steadily improved1 and bade fair soon to show a large income4 ,i have even gone so far as to leave out of question rent saved1 dissipation at ,saratoga avoided1 health improved1 digestion invigorated1 pure air enjoyed1 and a thousand other matters for which we pay so dearly2 ,i merely take the hard1 dry figures--the positive profit and loss in dollars and cents--and they give a clear net profit of nearly eight hundred dollars4 ,nothing could be asked more promising than this2 if it went on improving at this rate1 there was no telling where it would stop4 ,farming had evidently proved itself a source of vast wealth4 ,we were nowhere near the limit of the productiveness of my five acres1 and1 with additional attention1 we might reasonably anticipate increased returns4 ,the result was so encouraging1 the life at ,flushing so charming1 the access to the city so easy1 that ,i resolved to move there permanently4 ,there was much to be done besides sleigh-riding and skating1 even in the winter months2 roots had to be stored from frost1 bulbs required attention1 potatoes and turnips demanded care1 chicken-coops had to be built1 forcing-frames dug1 and a green-house erected4 ,taking all these things into consideration1 ,i resolved to abandon the city1 and1 in spite of frozen ground1 deep snows1 piercing winds1 and muddy roads1 to devote myself to agricultural pursuits4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,preparations ,,for ,,removal4 ,in the last chapter ,i have stated that so charming did the country seem to me1 so pure its pleasures1 and profitable its cultivation1 that ,i resolved to remove there permanently1 and give up entirely the less lucrative1 if more distinguished1 pursuit of the law4 ,a most essential preparation for this change was the necessity of cultivating and increasing the present stock of plants--the tender and fragile things requiring winter protection--which the abundance of the last year had left me4 ,my stock was not1 perhaps1 what finished gardeners would call choice2 they were not those out-of-the-way foreign productions which only rejoice in one name1 and that a polysyllabic ,latin one2 but1 although they were equally entitled to a scientific appellation1 they were generally known under common ones4 ,i had an abundance of carnations1 which ,i had sometimes referred to as varieties of ,dianthus caryophyllus when my uneducated city visitors called to see me4 ,there was quite a stock of scarlet geranium2 for1 although ,i had ordered from the florist at ,flushing a dozen different colors1 he had determined that one kind would answer my purposes4 ,there were a few of the exquisite bellis perennis ,hortensis1 more generally known as daisies4 ,but of all my treasures1 the most numerous of any one kind was a great variety of verbenas1 which ,i had raised from seed1 and which had sported into every variety of color1 except--as ,weeville once said when he was in an envious mood--a handsome one2 but tastes differ4 ,these valuable plants must be protected during the winter1 and preparations had to be made to insure their being turned into the beds the ensuing spring in healthy condition4 ,to this end it was necessary to add to the books of reference4 ,to 8,breck's ,book of ,flowers10 and ,rand's 8,work on the ,garden10 which ,i already possessed1 ,i added ,beust's 8,flower ,garden ,directory20 ,leuchar's 8,how to ,build ,hot-houses20 ,todd's 8,young ,farmer's ,manual20 ,fuller's 8,small ,fruit ,culturist20 ,warder's 8,american ,pomology20 ,dr4 ,chase's 8,recipes1 or ,information for ,every ,body20 ,mead's 8,american ,grape ,culture10 besides a number of others equally learned and abstruse1 in addition to subscribing for the ,american ,agriculturist1 ,i put my name down for the ,farmer's ,friend1 and the ,american ,farmer1 as well as the ,london ,field1 which always contained a valuable article on 8,work for the ,week10 that gave me a number of important suggestions4 ,the thorough study of these for the space of a month made me perfectly acquainted with the subject in hand2 they not only told me all about green-houses and window-culture1 but gave me valuable hints about propagating vines1 pruning trees1 increasing and improving manure1 building concrete walls1 skinning sheep1 sawing logs1 chopping down trees1 and concerning a vast number of other subjects1 all of which information might prove exceedingly useful some day or other if my farming enterprises proceeded4 ,by the aid of these works it was ascertained that plants could be grown advantageously in a room of an ordinary dwelling-house1 provided the proper care was exercised4 ,this was quite satisfactory1 as1 unfortunately1 ,i had no other place than the fourth-story room of my house in the city to devote to my new protgs4 ,under the published directions1 which ,i studied over till ,i had them by heart1 a room with a southerly exposure was selected1 a staging was erected in front of the windows1 and the gas was so secured that no thoughtless person could turn it on and poison the air of the extemporized green-house4 ,the preparatory study and the final execution of the plans recommended had somewhat delayed the fall potting of the plants1 until a few frosts had warned me that there was no time to lose4 ,unfortunately1 when ,i appointed a day for effecting the transfer from the garden to pots and boxes1 and went to ,flushing for the express purpose1 ,i discovered1 to my dismay1 that ,patrick was in a great state of confusion as to which flowers were hardy and which required removal4 ,as my reading had not extended to that question1 or ,i had forgotten it amid the extensive list generally catalogued1 ,i had to go mainly on what might be called general principles4 ,by general principles is meant that1 as the cold had been pretty severe1 it might be presumed to have exercised a preliminary influence on the tender species2 so1 wherever a perennial was observed to be withered and have a sickly appearance in its leaves1 it was taken up and potted4 ,fortunately1 ,i was well acquainted with the characteristics of verbenas1 carnations1 and ,johnny-jump-ups1 and selected them without trouble2 but as to other matters1 ,i felt1 to the last1 that there was considerable uncertainty4 ,the verbenas having struck root at every joint1 and as ,i felt that not one must be lost1 a very considerable number of pots was necessary1 and the time ,i could spare for personal supervision was exhausted long before the work of transplanting was accomplished4 ,it was necessary1 therefore1 to leave ,patrick to his own unaided resources1 with such advice and instruction as it was probable he would appreciate4 ,he evinced his usual enthusiasm and self-reliance1 and within a few days arrived at my city residence with a wagon full of what the books termed 8bedding plants10 and assured me he 8had the likes of that three times over40 ,the labor of carrying a hundred pots full of earth up four flights of stairs is excessive2 and ere ,patrick's reserve was exhausted1 ,i was much the same myself4 ,nevertheless1 perseverance conquered1 and we finally transported the last pot1 managing to break less than a dozen on the way4 ,unfortunately1 some of ,patrick's trips were made during a cold snap that we had1 and it is possible that the frost slightly damaged the plants1 which did not seem exactly healthy when they arrived4 ,there were some among them that ,i did not recognize accurately1 and one in particular looked so strange1 that ,i inquired of ,patrick what it was4 ,in answer to my question1 he scratched his head for a second1 poked his finger under the stunted foliage1 peered in among the leaves inquiringly1 and finally said ,illustration authoritatively1 8,that6 why that's a verbayny1 sure2 and yer honor knows a verbayny as well as meself40 8,but1 ,patrick1 that does not look at all like a verbena2 it has a very different leaf4 ,are you confident that you are right80 ,my honest servitor looked at me a moment reproachfully1 and then replied interrogatively1 8,and does yer honor think ,i'd be after decaiving you about such a thing as a verbayny80 ,of course1 there was nothing more to be said1 and the difference in leaf1 which seemed so puzzling1 must have been due to what florists would designate as a sportive change in the plant--possibly the first specimen of a new and valuable seedling4 ,i tended those plants carefully2 water was given them regularly1 the windows were opened on every genial day1 and the directions contained in my books were marked1 and re-read daily1 to insure the observance of every important point4 ,still the plants did not seem to thrive4 ,they grew weaker slowly1 but steadily2 every morning found them less vigorous1 and often was marked by a premature death4 ,in fact1 the living ones diminished quite rapidly1 and ere a month had elapsed nearly all had perished utterly4 ,this epidemic was peculiarly fatal among my verbenas1 although the books had described them as being rather unusually hardy2 and with the exception of ,patrick's new seedling1 which was vigorous enough1 they were either dead or dying4 ,this was quite an appalling state of affairs4 ,recourse was had to my literary counselors2 recipes were found for curing mildew1 bugs1 borers1 red spiders1 and a large number of other difficulties1 but nothing on the subject of general debility4 ,my flowers had no active disease1 unless it were an analogy to human consumption1 or what our quack doctors describe as a loss of manly vigor2 and as these complaints are not referred to in horticultural works1 and as the medicines guaranteed to cure the human frame could hardly be expected to benefit them1 ,i scarcely knew what to do4 ,in despair1 ,i purchased some whale-oil soap1 and proceeded to wash the leaves with that highly-recommended compound4 ,perhaps whale-oil soap is not advantageous in general debility2 perhaps it was made too strong1 or applied too often4 ,under its application1 my future progenitors of bedding beauties perished faster than ever4 ,a solitary fuchsia1 that had been purchased the spring previous1 went early2 the roses followed precipitately2 the daisies were not far behind2 the verbenas made haste after these2 the carnations followed in this headlong race1 until1 in spite of the most tender care1 the most scientific nursing1 the most approved protection and artistic cultivation1 ere spring arrived1 the entire collection was dead save one--that famous new seedling verbena of ,patrick's discovery4 ,it still lived1 not flourishingly nor enthusiastically--not as though it could endure much more assistance--but1 as the pleasant days were near at hand1 exhibiting sufficient strength to last till the winds of heaven could be trusted not to visit its cheek too roughly4 ,my assiduity in tending that solitary plant was praiseworthy4 ,nothing was left undone that could insure its welfare2 water1 warmed to a proper temperature1 a sufficiency of fresh air1 occasional supplies of a little new earth or well-rotted manure1 a gentle stirring of the surface1 and pruning of straggling and superfluous sprouts--none of these were omitted4 ,in spite of this attention1 it remained pale1 yellow1 and feeble1 so deadly must have been the nature of the unknown and invisible malaria that had penetrated into my green-house2 but it survived the danger4 ,it became gradually weaker as ,march passed by and ,april advanced1 but was still alive when1 in ,may1 after it had been carefully hardened off by progressive exposure to the air1 it was once more consigned to the earth of the garden4 ,the fuchsia was gone2 the roses1 the daisies1 the carnations1 were no more2 its brothers had fallen by the way-side2 but this peculiar variety--this child of my own raising--this new species1 that had no equal for hardness1 and probably would have none in beauty--this seedling1 that was destined to electrify the floral world--this original discovery1 which ,i had already mentally resolved should make my name immortal as the ,verbena ,barnwellii--was saved6 ,that was all-sufficient4 ,weeville had inquired from time to time how the scientific cooking-shop1 as he ironically designated my green-house--because the dry furnace-air which ascended to the upper story did make it rather warm--was progressing1 and sarcastically remarked that a hundred new and healthy plants could be bought in the spring for what it would cost to keep one over the winter4 ,but ,i had too much confidence in the books which ,i had studied to believe in his old fogy notions4 ,i had put him off with 8glittering generalities10 intending to keep my discovery a secret1 and enjoying by anticipation his amazement and rage when he should find that a mere tyro1 by scientific appliances1 could surpass an experienced hand like himself1 and do that which was beyond his utmost hope--originate a new variety4 ,i had intended waiting till my plant had recovered its vigor under the influence of the 8wanton wind0 and the warm sun2 but as it did not improve rapidly1 and no doubt missed my fostering care1 ,i took an early opportunity to invite him into my garden4 ,there were a number of roses1 fuchsias1 and other bedding plants that ,i had just purchased and set out1 and he remarked at once1 with a laugh1 8,so your cook-house did not work2 you have had to buy new plants after all4 ,furnace-houses1 with dry1 hot1 parched air1 are poor places for green leaves and thirsty vegetable mouths4 ,moisture is a necessity to the cultivation of flowers1 and it will not answer perfectly when applied only to the roots40 ,during this discourse ,i had led him toward the new seedling1 and at the proper moment ,i replied1 8,that may be true2 but the satisfaction of tending one's own flowers is great2 the pleasure of watching them is sufficient reward2 and then there is always a chance of effecting something original40 8,yes1 there is that1 no doubt4 ,amateur green-houses are original enough40 8,i mean there is a possibility of making some discovery1 of starting a new variety4 ,for instance10 ,i said1 slowly and impressively1 8look at that2 is not that reward enough for all my trouble80 8,look at what80 he replied1 peering about in a stupid way1 striving not to notice the wonderful plant at his feet1 and stopping in a doubtful way when his eyes finally rested on it4 8,ay1 look at it4 ,study it well10 ,i continued1 enthusiastically4 8,examine its texture and its foliage2 observe the delicate edge of each leaf2 the tender strength of each spray4 ,conceive its future freshness of beauty1 and the glory its discovery will confer40 8,are you talking of that80 ,weeville inquired1 giving the sacred flower a sacrilegious shove with the toe of his boot4 8,why1 what do you take that for80 8,what do ,i take it for8 ,you may well inquire4 ,i take it for the ,verbena ,barnwellii1 the crowning glory--0 8,verbena fiddlesticks6 ,it is nothing but a weed--a piece of wild sorrel1 just like a dozen others hereabouts1 for they seem to abound in your garden--only it is rather miserable looking1 and is near about dead from some cause or other4 ,but what has that to do with your city green-house80 ,explanations were unnecessary4 ,patrick had made a mistake2 he had either taken up a weed for a verbena1 or had potted a weed and verbena together1 and the verbena had died early1 for certain it was that my new seedling1 the puzzling variety of an old species1 was nothing but an ugly specimen of worthless sorrel4 ,it died soon after4 ,i was glad it did4 ,possibly scientific hot-house culture is not beneficial to weeds1 but until it perished of itself ,i had not the heart to dig it up1 and thus put a violent end to so many vain hopes and promising anticipations4 ,the ,verbena ,barnwellii is still in the undiscovered future4 ,patrick had committed other errors2 most of the plants that he had taken up ought to have been left out1 and most of those that were left out should have been taken up4 ,the results of this practice convinced me that ,weeville was right1 and that it is cheaper to buy plants than to raise them1 even with all the aids of modern science2 and that1 if any gentleman finds too many weeds in his garden1 he has only to remove them to his green-house and cultivate them assiduously to exterminate them rapidly4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,a ,,great ,,runner4 ,in describing the unfortunate termination of my efforts to winter our stock1 ,i have advanced a little beyond the regular order of events4 ,there was much other work to be done in the garden1 even without referring to the masses of bedding plants and the quantities of new seeds that ,i had purchased4 ,as the third season opened1 a renewed energy took possession of me1 and ,i went at digging and planting like a giant refreshed4 ,there was no longer a sense of desolation around my place4 ,the florists and nurserymen1 under my careful instruction1 had set out trees1 and planted flowers1 and got hedges in order1 until ,nature in my five acres was bursting from a smile into a grin4 ,it is true that the cows of the neighborhood1 which were invariably allowed to roam whithersoever they listed1 had fed rather profusely on the evergreens1 breaking down the tops and nipping off the ends of the branches2 that here and there the hedges had died out1 and left yawning gaps2 but1 on the whole1 there was a remarkable change4 ,it was at this point that ,i bethought me of an omission from my flower garden which was as surprising as it was inexcusable2 hitherto ,i had neglected doing justice to the gourd tribe4 ,i am great on gourds2 they are my specialty4 ,i will undertake to grow them against the world1 and will meet ,jonah in a fair field1 and no miracles1 any time2 in fact1 ,i am a perfect ,jonah on gourds4 ,in early youth1 when my gardening was confined to a city yard1 my gourds were the first1 and fattest1 and yellowest to be seen2 and1 from that remote period to the time of which ,i speak1 ,i had always felt an affection for the beautiful fruit1 and wondered why ,nature did not put more in it4 ,of course there must be gourds in my garden1 in spite of their being a useless production and very hollow--,weeville made a joke about their beating other fruit all hollow--and1 except to make fragile water-dippers 7which1 by the way1 no one ever makes of them71 quite worthless2 so ,i not only planted the seeds in the open garden1 but forced some in the hot-beds4 ,my special favorites were three seeds of an almost unknown variety1 called ,hercules' ,club1 upon the past history and future prospects of which ,i could get little information4 ,i planted these little germs of promise in a prominent place in the front beds1 and watched with tender care till they came up4 ,a pale1 delicate1 juicy little spear1 guarded by its two seed-lobes1 pushed its way above ground1 where it seemed ill suited to battle with the breeze and brave the sun1 that threatened to break or consume it4 ,my solicitude became greater when the feeble stem put forth a feebler leaf1 not larger than one's finger-nail1 and so thin that the tracing of the veins was like gossamer4 ,my horror1 therefore1 can be imagined when ,i found1 on the ensuing morning1 that a squash-bug had fallen upon my tender nursling and eaten the leaf all up4 ,i killed that bug4 ,he endeavored to slip into the earth1 but ,i slew him without remorse4 ,he was not an ugly bug in outward appearance2 entomologists might even have called him handsome2 his colors were a mixture of gilt and black1 but his beauty was no protection4 ,the next day another delicate leaf rewarded my protection1 but the following morning another squash-bug devoured it2 he met the fate of his predecessor2 but1 when a third leaf was disposed of in the same way1 the result began to be doubtful2 the question was arising1 which would give out first1 the squash-bugs or the leaves8 ,having heard that wood-ashes was good to drive away bugs1 ,i was about applying a dose1 when ,patrick assured me that they would 8scorch such a little mite of a thing all up20 and1 as ,i had already discovered that no reliance could be placed on tobacco1 ,i was nearly at what ladies call their 8wits' end0--whichever end that may be1 when ,weeville again came to the rescue4 8,squash-bugs60 he said2 8there is no need of ever being troubled by them4 ,nature always has a remedy for all ,nature's ills1 if we only look for it4 ,onions1 my boy1 are the thing4 ,does a squash-bug ever eat an onion8 ,no1 sir4 ,then make him eat it1 and see how it agrees with him4 ,i used to be bothered with them among my cucumber-vines till ,i put a few onions in each hill4 ,no more bugs now4 ,i never lose a leaf--not a single leaf4 ,when you plant gourds next time1 put in a few onion-seeds at the same time1 and you will have no trouble4 ,the smell does it40 ,this was very fine for the future1 but ,i wanted to save my ,hercules' ,club for the present2 so ,i thought to myself that if onions would answer when grown in the vicinity1 why would they not answer if removed to the place1 and kept renewed from time to time8 ,there was no scarcity of onions1 and if we did not use them in this way1 it was doubtful whether they would be used at all1 so ,i immediately gathered a quantity1 and built a breastwork of bulbs and stalks round my little pets4 ,at this time the sprouts were bare1 having been stripped by our remorseless enemies2 but next morning still another leaf put forward its claim to recognition--somewhat weaker1 perhaps1 than the earlier ones1 but still a leaf4 ,by sundown it was fully developed1 and my anxiety can be imagined to learn its fate next day4 ,i was up and dressed by sunrise1 and1 to my great delight1 found the leaf there and no squash-bug4 ,the victory was won4 ,the fatal chevaux-de-frise was renewed daily1 and proved itself an effectual barrier to the foe4 ,one leaf followed another2 they increased in size2 the stalk mounted a few inches1 and was secured to a stake4 ,this appeared to be the turning-point of the plant's existence4 ,it suddenly began to grow1 and1 having exhibited its feebleness in infancy1 now commenced to show its strength4 ,in one night it grew a foot1 and up it rushed1 in a few days1 to the top of the stake4 ,there were three plants in all1 not far apart1 and they had soon climbed as high as they could on their supports4 ,huge broad leaves1 as large as a straw hat1 made their appearance4 ,fresh stakes had to be inserted1 and then1 when these were covered1 which happened in a few days1 still larger ones were substituted4 ,my skill had been tested in inducing the wonderful plant to grow1 and ,i was not to be outdone now4 ,hoops were arranged from post to post like a single section of an arbor2 cross-pieces were added1 and still the plant outran them4 ,i was becoming weak1 and1 having beaten ,jonah1 was trying a match with ,jack of the famous 8,beanstalk10 with heavy odds in my own opinion that ,i should win4 ,it was still early summer1 and where my gourds would end ere the season was over seemed doubtful4 ,unfortunately1 at this stage of the contest there came up a storm of wind and rain4 ,this was a contingency that had not entered my mind4 ,my supports were frail1 my lashings insecure2 in an instant the whole structure was leveled to the ground4 ,without waiting to tear my garments1 as ,i should have done if ,i had been ,jonah1 ,i rushed bareheaded into the storm1 fearing that an hour's delay would give the gourd a start never to be overcome1 and again raised my frame-work and secured it more firmly4 ,still the gourd grew4 ,i led strings in all directions1 but1 not satisfied with these1 it spread over the ground1 covered my small plants1 crawled up the neighboring bushes and trees1 crept out into the paths1 and threatened to occupy the entire garden4 ,i was still bravely contending against the inevitable1 when destruction in the shape of another storm came upon me in the night1 and the following morning found my labors again stretched upon the ground4 ,this proved too much for me1 and1 giving in at once1 ,i called ,patrick to do what he could under the circumstances4 ,he straightway sunk two stout posts and braced them with guys in every direction1 and then we let the ,clubs--of which these certainly seemed to be the kings--follow their own fancy and grow till they should be tired4 ,being in a conspicuous part of the garden--in fact1 pretty thoroughly hiding the smaller flowers--our friends had been deeply interested1 and1 never having seen the vine before1 wondered what kind of fruit it bore4 ,it had produced abundance of white flowers1 in shape somewhat like the yellow blossoms of the squash1 but they fell off1 8leaving not a wrack behind10 nor any fruit4 ,i could not find that ,jonah's gourd1 or the beanstalk of my friend ,jack1 had produced fruit or left seed1 and began to think that mine was an exceptional production of a similar character1 that could only be raised by those who were great on gourds1 or1 as the ,vulgate hath it1 8some pumpkins40 ,if ,jack's stalk had produced beans1 we should have known those beans2 if ,jonah's gourd had borne seed1 we should have found them at the seed-stores to this day4 ,my anxiety was greatly relieved1 therefore1 when at last something that was evidently intended for fruit made its appearance4 ,it was almost of the size and shape of a small lead-pencil1 and closely resembled a long green worm4 ,this remarkable fruit--only odder1 if any thing1 than the parent that bore it--after the same hesitancy and dilatoriness1 commenced to grow in the same mad way4 ,it was soon as thick as your finger1 then as your wrist1 then as your arm1 and considerably longer than the latter2 and1 ere it gave up1 became as large round and longer than a small man's leg4 ,hercules1 even1 would have been bothered to manage such a club4 ,it bore seeds1 but ,i destroyed them4 ,my squashes were ahead of all in ,flushing4 ,my pumpkins ran for hundreds of feet1 climbed the bean-poles1 and bore a large fruit on top1 one specimen being huge enough to have furnished ,peter ,piper's wife with a comfortable apartment4 ,my ordinary round gourds attained the size of a child's head2 and if ,i produced such a result as ,i have described from my first year's attempt with the ,hercules' ,club1 ,i was not prepared to take the consequences of a second or third effort4 ,it was better to allow such a plant to disappear2 the discovery of new species of flowers and vegetables is creditable so long as they are either handsome or useful1 but to get the reputation of being the man who originated a wonderful gourd1 to go down to posterity celebrated for this alone1 to be spoken of in horticultural works as the gourd-man1 was too terrible a fate4 ,moreover1 there was some danger in renewing such an experiment2 on the second trial the wonderful plant might have spread all over the neighborhood1 climbed upon crops1 strangled trees1 surmounted houses1 and invaded the village in such a way as to make me liable for damages for trespass4 ,there are some things which a man does too well to do often2 growing gourds was evidently one of those with me1 and ,i determined never to be led into such an undertaking again4 ,to counterbalance this wonderful success1 it is necessary to record a remarkable failure4 8,variety is the spice of life40 ,it is this variety which gives agricultural pursuits their principal zest2 no two attempts in planting bring about the same results4 ,there may be the same circumstances of time1 place1 and weather1 but the conclusion will be altogether dissimilar4 ,all honest farmers must confess--and farmers are1 like lawyers1 without exception1 upright and truthful--that the return from no two years has been alike4 ,one year the potatoes fail1 another leaves us without corn1 a third is too much for the wheat2 then the fruit rots1 or the turnips will not grow1 or the sweet potatoes run entirely to vine1 or the oats to straw4 ,something never comes out right1 or does what was expected of it1 and often behaves in a shabby manner4 ,of coarse1 my horticulture could be no exception1 but the eccentricities of ,flushing soil are rather extravagant1 although the editor of the ,agriculturist lives in the neighborhood1 and does all he can to keep it in order4 ,i have mentioned some peculiarities of my hot-house experience4 ,i will give certain facts1 quite as strange1 relative to out-of-door gardening4 ,there were some hardy perennials which ,i had raised with great care1 and among them a fine specimen of crimson flax1 or what ,i had satisfied myself was crimson flax4 ,my seeds had fallen into a little confusion in consequence of the names getting washed off the labels by the rains2 but1 as the plant bore a crimson flower1 and did not resemble any thing else in particular1 ,i had made up my mind it was crimson flax2 if it were not1 there must have been a defect in ,thorburn's seeds1 which is not to be presumed1 for nothing else of that description came up4 ,perennials are not generally satisfactory during their first season2 they make a poor growth of it1 showing a feebleness that is extremely painful to a fond and devoted gardener4 ,they are not easily distinguished from weeds at best1 and1 as they grow far slower than the latter1 are often lost entirely among them4 ,for this reason ,i was especially proud of my crimson flax4 ,it grew thriftily1 spread into a good-sized bush1 and covered itself with delicate flowers4 ,this had occurred during the previous season1 and when fall came ,i was careful to mark the spot where it was with several large stakes1 in order to warn ,patrick against digging it up4 ,patrick was rather an enthusiast with a spade1 and somewhat zealous in weeding2 he was fond of digging up the garden to 8meliorate0 it1 as he expressed the idea1 and to prepare it for spring planting2 and if he had not the flowers very distinctly and plainly marked1 he would1 in the excitement of the operation1 dig them up ruthlessly4 ,so also1 in weeding1 he had to be warned and watched1 for more than once was my blood frozen with horror at beholding ,patrick weeding up a valuable plant1 and twice he weeded all the young sprouts off a flowering shrub so effectually that the shrub never recovered from the shock4 ,with this fear before my eyes1 and a question about the perfect reliability of my own memory1 ,i marked the spot where my crimson flax was located with great care1 surrounding it on all sides with stakes plainly lettered4 ,thus fortified1 ,i waited confidently till the winter should be over1 having put my own weaknesses and ,patrick's at defiance4 ,true to my confident expectations1 with the first few warm suns my crimson flax reappeared amid its palisade of stakes4 ,it grew far more strongly than before1 spreading rapidly into a large bush1 and requiring the assistance of supports and strings to keep it in shape4 ,there was an odd singularity about it1 however1 which struck me as remarkable4 ,the leaf seemed different from what it had been before--it was longer and narrower2 but this probably was one of those changes which perennials undergo ere they get firmly established1 and1 among the many curious things ,i had experienced1 did not surprise me particularly4 ,the plant was on the exact place where it had been the year previous2 it was growing luxuriantly1 and bid fair to be a magnificent ornament to the garden1 for it had a prominent situation4 ,i did not boast of it1 however4 ,boasting is not natural to me4 ,i did not even call ,weeville's attention to it4 ,he had disappointed me so often that ,i resolved he should be disappointed himself4 ,i was determined to say nothing until it should be covered with its crimson gems4 ,it grew remarkably4 ,if it had done well the previous year1 it bid fair to surpass itself this season4 ,as its time for flowering approached ,i became quite nervous and excited4 ,slowly the buds formed1 being almost innumerable1 and covering each spray2 they filled and distended1 and finally burst4 ,but what was my astonishment when ,i discovered that they had changed their color4 ,instead of the rich crimson flowers that were expected1 ,i found the bush one morning covered with strange-looking blossoms of a dull yellow4 ,the most remarkable transformation ever known had taken place--crimson flax had lost its natural hue under careful cultivation1 and assumed the appearance of a cross between an orange blossom and a dandelion2 if any thing1 it was rather more like the dandelion4 ,it was no longer crimson--had1 in fact1 no shade of crimson4 ,it was a pure yellow1 and not altogether a handsome one4 ,to describe the disgust that this unexpected change wrought in my usually placid temper is impossible4 ,i began to hate that plant4 ,the more it blossomed the more furious ,i felt1 until finally1 when it had covered itself with these wretched straw-colored abortions1 my feelings overcame me1 and ,i pulled it up by the roots4 ,this burst of passion has caused me much regret4 ,by a moment's indulgence of anger ,i destroyed the chance of raising a new species of plant1 a changeable crimson flax--crimson one year and yellow the next4 ,weeville1 when subsequently informed of my indiscretion1 attempted to console me by endeavoring to make out that it was a weed which had smothered the original flower4 ,he even doubted whether there ever had been any crimson flax in my garden1 and pretended dissatisfaction with my description of that plant4 ,he said he was not aware that crimson flax was a perennial1 and thought that the designation in the catalogue was an error1 ridiculous as such a supposition was to my mind4 ,he undertook to show me numerous weeds by the road-side--for weeds are quite abundant in ,flushing--which bore yellow blossoms1 and which he felt confident were the same as the one ,i had raised4 ,they did resemble it in many points2 but1 as ,i had marked my plant carefully1 had seen it blossom the year previous1 and knew whereof ,i spoke1 ,i utterly disdained his explanation4 ,i must still feel that the loss of my new flax was serious1 and must regret the outburst that led to it4 ,even a flower convertible into a weed1 or changing biennially from one to the other1 would be rare and curious4 ,moreover1 although we did raise several garden weeds1 this was like none of them4 ,they were most deceptive things1 and imitated the appearance of plants wonderfully4 ,one grew quite tall1 and seemed to be on the point of flowering all the while1 but never did so4 ,another spread into quite a large tuft1 something between a daisy and a violet1 and imposed upon ,patrick1 even1 so thoroughly that he never dug it up in a single instance1 notwithstanding his readiness to extirpate whatever was of doubtful authenticity4 ,it spread rapidly1 until it was quite a labor to pull it up4 ,another of these troublesome members of the vegetable kingdom attained almost the dimensions of a shrub1 and had a thick1 solid stalk1 and actually flowered2 but the blossoms were the minutest things possible1 and bore a ludicrous disproportion with the size of the bush2 while the snap-dragon obtained a hold in the beds which it is probable ,i never shall eradicate1 by an error of appreciation continued through a few months4 ,in fact1 the weeds performed such strange antics1 and behaved in so unexpected a way1 that the question arose in my mind as to what was a weed4 ,the author of 8,ten ,acres ,enough0 says that it is a flower out of place4 ,the latter half of his explanation may be well enough2 but as to its being a flower1 most of those that came up in my garden had no flowers whatever4 ,without entering too far upon a religious disquisition1 it may do merely to suggest that it struck me that weeds were original sin1 springing up to trouble us every where1 and calling for that sweat of the brow which is ordained as the lot of the human kind for the first great crime of ,mother ,eve4 ,the nature of weeds is exceedingly perverse4 ,they seem to have been sent to torment man1 sprouting up continually without apparently ever becoming exhausted1 causing an immense deal of unnecessary annoyance4 ,as an evidence of their innate perversity1 it is only necessary to refer to the manner in which they behaved toward my portulaca splendens4 ,this showy plant had been thriving admirably1 and as its seeds1 when allowed to sow themselves1 naturally reappear in augmented splendor the following year1 ,i had founded great expectations upon the anticipated result4 ,it is true that the portulaca did sow itself1 and did come up finely the present spring2 but1 unfortunately1 weeds come up without any sowing4 ,they originate or 8come of themselves10 as my brother farmers lucidly express it1 and they appeared with the portulaca1 and grew twice as rapidly4 ,the end of it was1 that1 although the flower was there1 and even matured1 it was hidden so effectually that there was no way of getting a sight at a blossom except by pulling up a yard square of weeds4 ,my conclusion from this--and valuable it is to the cause of agriculture--was that our scientific men had not paid sufficient attention to weeds2 that they had taught us how to make things grow1 but had not told us how to prevent their growing2 that an anti-fertilizer was more important than a fertilizer4 ,there is twice as much labor expended in rooting weeds out as in putting vegetables in4 ,we have our phosphates and superphosphates1 our guano1 marl1 bone-dust1 lime1 and a dozen other species of manures1 but not a single invention to prevent undesirable growth4 ,the present necessity is a drug or acid1 or some sort of medicament1 that will kill all the weeds and the germs of weeds in the ground1 but which will soon lose its power1 so that the ground will perform its proper functions when seed is planted4 ,until this discovery is made1 farming will be laborious1 and ,i hope our learned men will devote their attention to it promptly4 ,i shall only claim the honor of originating the idea1 and leave the entire profits to the inventor4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,a ,,beautiful ,,new ,,coach4 ,i have already mentioned the honesty of the people in ,flushing4 ,nothing is more pleasant and satisfactory than to deal with persons on whom one can rely2 to feel that one gets precisely what is agreed upon--can trust entirely to the word of the seller4 ,to be sure1 they were now and then a little too confiding4 ,they had a way of supplying any person in the village with whatever he wanted1 and charging it to me4 ,if ,i objected1 they answered conclusively that he had given my name1 and that they were not accustomed1 in the country1 to doubt every man's word who applied to them for a keg of nails or a dozen boards2 and they explained that confidence was the foundation of business4 ,rather than disturb this creditable1 almost too creditable state of affairs1 ,i submitted1 and paid for a good many articles that went to other people4 ,i made a short attempt to enforce a rule that any applicant who gave my name must have a written order1 and ,i even opened a pass-book with the leading store-keeper2 but these innovations met with so much opposition1 and the leading store-keeper had always so much to add to what appeared in the pass-book1 that ,i gave up the effort1 and accepted country ways of dealing4 ,even the farmers were affected by this simplicity of views2 they had peculiar and somewhat unwise opinions1 but they held to them religiously4 ,they believed in ,new ,york as the ,moslem believes in ,mecca2 they considered that they must make all their sales there1 and that weekly pilgrimages thither were a necessity of their success in life4 ,no inducement would persuade them to sell any of their produce on the road1 or short of that sacred destination4 ,it was vain to apply to them for a load of hay1 or a dozen bags of oats2 they would cart these six miles over heavy roads rather than sell them within a few rods of their doors4 ,this was inconvenient1 but a sure guaranty for their honesty2 none but very honest people could be so simple1 and their faith in the metropolis of the nation was actually touching4 8,sure1 yer honor10 said ,patrick to me one morning1 8and the new ,rockaway is gone intirely40 8,why1 ,patrick1 you surprise me2 ,i only bought it last spring40 ,i did not say that ,i had obtained it second-hand1 as it is well not to forget appearances1 and human nature is somehow or other ashamed of buying any thing second-hand4 ,the fact was that ,dandy ,jim had pretty much used up my first wagon2 he had run away with it so often1 had dragged it over so many fences1 and smashed it so frequently and so effectually1 that1 when he was sold and the new family horse was purchased1 a new wagon had to be bought for him4 ,i said nothing to ,patrick about its being second-hand1 and he said nothing to me2 we neither of us pretended to be aware of a fact which both of us knew perfectly well4 ,true to his instinctive ,irish delicacy1 not a word was breathed against the honor of the house to which his fortunes were attached4 ,so he replied1 8,be gorra6 and it was a beautiful wagon intirely when yer honor brought it home2 you may well say that40 8,what is the trouble1 then1 now80 8,sorrow a one o' me knows1 but they tell its going fast1 and ,i thought it was me duty to spake about it before any accident happened1 which would be a pity1 indade1 indade40 8,is there any thing wrong with the axle-trees80 ,i inquired1 anxiously1 worried at the implied risk4 8,axle-trees6 whirra1 and they're as strong and sound as the day they were put in2 divil a word can be said against the axle-trees40 8,well1 then1 is it the springs80 8,the springs6 ,now did yer honor ever see a purtier pair of springs in yer life80 8,perhaps it's the wheels80 8,the wheels6 divil a bit is there any thing the matter with the wheels2 better running wheels1 when they're well grased1 were never put in a wagon at all1 at all40 8,then1 ,patrick10 ,i cried in despair1 8what on earth is the matter80 8,and didn't ,i say it was wake all over1 it was2 and if it comes down when yer honor's out driving1 you mustn't blame me4 ,yer honor knows best1 but ,i shouldn't like to be in it if it did break down2 but perhaps there'd be no harm done--you may be going slow1 like1 and the horse may stop40 8,patrick10 ,i responded1 still more appalled at this picture1 and not at all confident of so fortunate a result1 my experience having been rather the reverse--8,patrick1 it will never do to run any risk4 ,what shall ,i do about it80 8,yer honor does not seem to care for it1 but1 as ,i tould yer honor before1 there's a beautiful new coach down at the carriage-maker's4 ,if you saw it once1 you would be much plased2 it's lovely intirely4 ,if you would only get that1 that would be the doin' ov it40 ,this discussion was not altogether an unusual thing between us4 ,my ,rockaway had been growing weaker and weaker for some time past1 and1 as its weakness became more striking1 the 8beautiful new coach0 loomed up more distinctly4 ,at first the spring would want strengthening1 then the axles would need examining1 next the tires would require resetting1 and so on1 until an application to the wheelwright became an event of weekly recurrence4 ,on each repetition1 the attractions of the 8beautiful new coach0 would come under discussion1 and be dilated upon1 although1 as ,i had little faith in country work1 and entire confidence in my ,rockaway1 ,i turned a deaf ear to all such suggestions4 ,however1 matters had been becoming more serious lately4 ,the wagon had certainly acquired a wobbly motion1 which was neither agreeable nor reassuring4 ,the springs or wheels1 or both1 appeared to have lost their strength2 the latter did not track quite true1 and1 in turning a corner or crossing a gutter1 there was evidence of a defect somewhere4 ,no special difficulty had made itself apparent1 but there was a general giving out--a sort of grogginess all over4 ,the whole concern 8yawed about0 and 8slewed round10 as the nautical gentlemen express it1 after an unpleasant and threatening fashion4 ,it was apparent that something must be done1 and the carriage-maker1 who also had the 8beautiful new coach0 for sale1 declared that repairing would do no more good2 so to ,patrick's last remark ,i responded with resignation1 8,i suppose ,i shall have to get a new wagon of some sort4 ,what does the man ask for the one you speak of80 8,only three hundred and fifty dollars1 with pole and shafts4 ,mr4 ,jones paid him four hundred for one just like it last week1 but he says he wants yer honor to give him a chance4 ,there's nothing but the best of stuff gone into it4 ,he puts on new patent clips2 and the painting is the loveliest blue and red that iver was seen40 8,well1 ,patrick1 you may drive me down1 and ,i will look at it40 8,thank yer honor2 and shall ,i hitch up right away80 8,yes2 the sooner it's over the better40 8,thrue for you1 and so it is2 for a break-down would be a pity1 with the doctors charging so high4 ,but ye'll be safe enough in the new coach40 ,we found the wheelwright at his shop1 and ready to expatiate on the many good points of his vehicles and the excellence of his work2 the advantages he had over city builders1 and the danger there was in riding in a broken-down affair which was made of such wretched stuff as mine1 that he only wondered had held together as long as it had4 ,the proposed carriage was quite gorgeous and very fine with paint and upholstery4 ,i thought it rather heavy for one horse1 but ,patrick1 who had taken much interest in the discussion1 immediately1 on my making the suggestion1 seized the shafts1 and ran it up and down as if it were as light as a feather4 ,so there was nothing for it but to say that ,i would take the 8beautiful new coach20 and1 stepping to one side with the maker1 ,i said1 8,i am informed that the price is three hundred and fifty dollars40 8,oh10 he replied1 8that is without the pole2 with the pole it is three hundred and seventy-five4 ,mr4 ,jones paid me--0 8,never mind about ,mr4 ,jones4 ,i understood the price was three hundred and fifty dollars with pole and shafts2 but1 as ,i do not want the former1 ,i will do without that40 8,but they both go together10 replied the man4 8,now ,i'll tell you what10 he added1 dropping his voice to a confidential whisper1 8you have been a good customer of mine1 and ,i want to please you2 so let's say three hundred and sixty-five1 and that will be almost throwing the pole in4 ,it costs a good twenty-five dollars to build one40 ,i never liked haggling over trifles1 so ,i consented and paid down the money4 ,i did not send for the new carriage immediately2 in fact1 a change seemed to have come over the ,rockaway2 it gave up wobbling1 the wheels ran steadier1 the springs became stronger1 and its general debility disappeared4 ,it was altogether a changed vehicle4 ,i heard no more complaints from ,patrick1 and all danger in using it seemed to have disappeared1 for he took five of his female acquaintances to church in it the very next ,sunday morning4 ,when we did get the new coach home it proved to be entirely too heavy1 and ,patrick was the loudest in declaring it was 8no good at all1 at all40 ,of course1 it could not have been that an honest village wheelwright would purposely have put my wagon out of order that he might sell me a new one1 but such a sudden recovery of health on the part of a ,rockaway was extraordinary and wonderful to the last degree4 ,of course1 when a man moves permanently into the country1 he builds an addition to his house4 ,why he does so1 neither he nor any one else can tell4 ,he never does the like in town2 no additional room is necessary1 but he does it all the same4 ,i was attacked with the same mania1 of course4 ,the only way of adding to my house was by putting a second story on the main wing2 there was no possible mode of extending either side1 or erecting an adjoining building1 or doing any thing whatever except moving a step nearer the heavens4 ,this implied the removal of the roof4 ,now a roof is a very necessary thing2 people who have been in the habit of living under one know little of the inconveniences of doing without it1 even for a short time4 ,it is ornamental--may have a pretty border1 or edging1 as our farmers say2 but it is not only ornamental1 it is extremely useful2 and if any reader doubts this1 let him remove the roof from his house1 and try the effect of a change4 ,the foundation is necessary1 the sides are advantageous1 but the roof is essential4 ,as fate would have it1 my alterations were commenced in ,march1 which is not altogether the best month for such things1 in view of the fact1 little appreciated by citizens1 that that month is the commencement of the rainy season4 ,so the tin was rolled up and taken off1 the rafters were pulled down1 the sides of the additional story were completed--and then it rained4 ,i had prepared as well as ,i could to meet this contingency1 being the possessor of a large amount of canvas1 which once constituted the racing sails of a yacht that ,i owned in my younger days1 and ,i had spread this over the yawning gulf as well as ,i could4 ,but it did not answer2 perhaps there was not peak enough1 or the duck was worn thin by age2 certain it was that it leaked1 and leaked badly1 not in mere drops1 but in rivulets1 that first covered the upper floor1 and then worked their way down through the lower ceilings1 and dripped on the furniture1 and discolored the walls1 and loosened the plaster4 ,moreover1 the rain always came at the worst times and in the most disagreeable ways4 ,i would go calmly to bed1 leaving every thing apparently serene1 not a cloud in the sky1 the stars shining brightly1 and the wind due west1 and be waked up at midnight by the beating of the storm1 and the trickle of the water as it came down through one corner1 its favorite spot1 in my room4 ,then the wind would blow1 and work under the canvas1 and tug at the ends1 until it succeeded in rolling it up1 so that it could expose what was beneath4 ,and then1 of course1 at the precise moment when a dozen more days' work would have made me ,illustration safe--when the windows only were wanting1 or a few more boards would have shut out the destructive element--the carpenters and sash-makers concluded they would enjoy a little 8strike0--preferring leisure to work1 and needing a short rest from their labors4 ,many a time would ,i be roused from my comfortable bed1 and be forced1 with quite a scanty amount of clothing1 to climb up the rickety1 half-finished stairs at midnight1 and get drenched through putting up boards or nailing down the canvas2 for water1 useful as it undoubtedly is for some purposes1 can do so extensive and unexpected an amount of damage2 it gets into such odd places1 and produces such queer results4 ,however1 ,patrick1 true to his ,irish nature1 was so delighted with my example that he determined to follow it1 and begged time enough to build himself a house4 ,when my troubles were about over1 ,i met him one day1 and asked how his building was getting on8 8,thank yer honor10 he replied1 joyfully1 8,i am doing finely2 there was a frind1 begorra1 and true frind he was1 and a carpenter at that1 and he has built it all for nothing1 because he was out of work4 ,sure and it's an ilegant house40 8,well1 then1 ,patrick1 ,i suppose you'll soon be moving into it40 8,i would that1 but for wan thing40 8,and what is that80 ,i inquired4 8,it hasn't any roof on it40 8,you don't say so2 why1 that is quite important40 8,thrue for you1 yer honor1 it is that2 the flure and the sides is beautiful2 it has two flures and a roof as purty as ever was40 8,why1 ,i thought you said it had no roof10 ,i responded1 growing somewhat confused1 as ,i often did over ,patrick's explanations4 8,oh no2 the roof is all there1 but it lakes1 it does40 8,still1 if it does leak1 the upper floor would catch that1 and you might occupy the lower story1 as ,i have been doing40 8,so ,i would1 indade1 but the flures have no boards on them2 nothing at all1 at all1 but jest the bare bames4 ,but ,i wouldn't mind that meself1 and me family would do well enough on the ground if it wasn't for the lakes1 and the bad saison it is at that40 8,you ought to find out where the leaks are1 and stop them10 ,i replied4 8,sure1 and it lakes all over40 8,now1 ,patrick10 ,i remonstrated1 8how can it do that8 ,no roof was ever made that leaked all over2 the thing can't be40 8,well1 yer honor knows best2 but when a roof hasn't any shingles on1 it lakes purty bad40 8,patrick10 ,i said1 pausing and looking at him sternly1 8what on earth do you mean by saying one minute that you have a roof1 and the next that you have none80 8,well1 yer honor knows the boards for the roof is all there1 and put up beautiful1 but ,i hadn't any shingles1 more's the pity1 and me paying rint all the time1 and me frind with nothing to do until he gets some work1 and no telling the day when he may do that4 ,and ,i thought perhaps yer honor will give me the loan of some shingles1 and keep the house yerself until ,i could work it out4 ,the windies ain't much matter1 and boards will do very well1 but sure a house is good for nothing intirely unless it has a roof on it40 ,i coincided fully in ,patrick's views2 there was a bond of brotherhood in suffering between us2 and although ,i did not keep his house for him1 he had his shingles4 ,and so he was fairly housed1 and my extra story being completed1 and the garden having at last consented to grow1 and the trees to furnish foliage and give yearly promise of fruit1 and my vast experience having been carefully stored away for the use of others1 and myself finally and peremptorily settled in the country1 ,i think it is time that ,i closed this veracious and trustworthy account of 8,five ,acres more than ,enough40 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,three ,,hundred ,,acres ,,not ,,enough4 ,i am writing this supplementary chapter after the expiration of nearly fifteen years since the record of my farming experiences was commenced2 and while ,i have nothing to take from the interesting statements which have been set forth in the previous pages1 ,i have much to add to them4 ,everything has gone on as it began1 with the same invariable pleasure1 profit1 and satisfaction4 ,the field and the fields of my labor have alike been one long delight--from the soft yellow of the upturned surfaces when the plough had just prepared them for the seeds1 through their period of emerald-green promise and their crowning glories of fruitful russet and gold1 till they passed under the snow-white mantle of their wintry death4 ,my success on 8five acres0 was so triumphant that ,i purchased a farm of twenty-five at ,rockville ,centre1 and subsequently one of two hundred at ,sayville1 and to those have kept perpetually adding till they number three hundred and fifty1 and bid fair never to be enough4 ,my feet have trodden all the highways and by-ways of successful agriculture1 and my efforts have done much to solve the great problem that the world has been groping over for four thousand years2 for only when science shall teach just how much hydrogen1 nitrogen1 super-phosphate1 hydrocephalus1 tredecem radiatus1 esox reticulatus1 and cerebro-spinal meningitis make up the component parts of every stalk of corn1 grain of wheat1 or head of oats will the human race be redeemed from darkness and ignorance1 and all men made rich and happy4 ,patrick and ,i built hot-beds and cold-frames2 and if the hot-beds did come out cold-frames1 and the cold-frames occasionally endeavored to be hot-beds by burning up all the plants in them1 we were sure to get one or the other almost every time4 ,moreover1 we have had our triumphs as great as those of war4 ,we have raised the mammoth squash1 a miniature planet of orange loveliness1 bursting with beauty and solid with succulence--so roomy1 that ,cinderella would have found no trouble in using it for her coach1 or ,peter ,piper for a wife-protector4 ,it was sent to the county fair1 where it was much admired by my friends1 and caused much envy in the mind of ,weeville1 to judge from the disparaging remarks he indulged about the taste and value of squashes4 ,it would have taken the prize were it not that another farmer had sent one a few pounds heavier1 although far inferior in contour and general excellence of expression4 ,ours should have had a second prize1 but that the chief official informed me that they never gave second prizes for squashes4 ,of course there have been drawbacks1 but what mattered it if the commonplaces did not come up to expectation1 if the turnips and carrots failed and the grass dried up4 ,who could not spare the horse vegetables in the land of the pea1 the ,lima-bean1 the asparagus8--where there was never too much heat or drought for the sweet corn1 and where the luxuriant egg-plants would spread out their broad green hands to the generous sun in gratitude for his rays in summer1 and would round out their purple globes in the cool days of ,september and ,october--that is1 when the potato-bug did not eat them all up4 ,insects have become rather over-abundant4 ,indeed this might be said to be the bug age1 in contrast with the stone age and the iron age and the golden age which have passed before4 ,there is every known and unknown sort of insect on ,long ,island4 ,the ,colorado beetle paid his respects promptly1 on his evolution1 and has remained permanently2 the borers bore our apple-trees2 the curculio swarms in our plum-trees2 moths and army-worms and tent-caterpillars and every other sort of creeping and stinging thing assist our labors and share our profits4 ,the poor broken-backed farmer has fallen upon the day of small things--the winged1 creeping1 crawling1 and ever-devouring small things of six legs and more or less wings and unlimited stomach2 those that delve in the ground and worm their way into roots1 or climb up the branches and eat the leaves1 or which strike the fruit and spot and blight it4 ,he must poison the potato-beetle1 he must burn the galleys and cities of the tent-builders1 he must prod the borers with wires4 ,by comparison with these the hum of the ever-present mosquito is but a humbug1 and his bites flea-bites4 ,following the directions of enthusiastic bug sportsmen ,i tried to inveigle the innocent moths into the candle of destruction4 ,patrick was directed1 to place a lamp in the orchard and set it in a pan of water with kerosene oil on the surface4 ,there was every reason to expect that the moths from their known weakness for light would have rushed to this death-trap by myriads4 ,but ,patrick soon gave the most discouraging accounts of bug behavior and insect artifice4 8,arrah that was no good at all at all10 he said in a disgusted tone4 8,they wouldn't be after going widin a mile of it40 8,but1 ,patrick10 ,i replied reprovingly1 for ,i was afraid he had not given the experiment a fair trial1 8they must have been within a mile of it1 as the orchard is not a quarter of a mile either way1 and they seem to be as plenty there as ever40 8,and your honor may well say that4 ,plenty1 is it8 ,there is no end of them1 and they keep growing on us every day40 ,that was a personal way of stating the case which made my flesh creep1 and sent itching sensations over my whole body4 ,so ,i asked him hastily1 8,then why did you not try the lamp80 8,try8 ,and sure and ,i did that same4 ,och1 but it burned beautifully1 and all the country round could have seen their way to steal our fruit1 only there wasn't any fruit to steal4 ,more's the pity40 8,well1 what did you catch80 ,i asked impatiently4 8,catch1 is it8 ,sure the first night ,i caught a mosquito and a house-fly1 and the next night ,i caught only a mosquito4 ,i didn't think it worth while to be wasting oil at that rate1 for we would be a hundred years before we caught all the bugs in our orchard2 and then1 more be token1 they would grow ten times as fast40 ,since the commencement of my horticultural operations ,i had had on my mind and in my heart a longing for a bed of mushrooms4 ,the realization of this dream had been postponed in consequence of a certain obscurity in the directions contained in my authorities4 ,bridgeman was very enthusiastic and hopeful1 but slightly incomprehensible4 ,he said that the bed must be established in 8a light cellar40 ,now none of my houses had a light cellar--neither the first one imported from ,nantucket1 which might be expected to produce any imaginable eccentricity1 nor that old-fashioned farm-house at ,rockville ,centre1 nor the modern production of lath and plaster4 ,it is true that when the first was in the formative state--had got as far as the cellar and no farther--in which condition it remained1 as has been explained1 that part of the construction was as light as could be wished2 still ,i felt in my soul that the necessary cellar must be the cellar of a house1 not a house that was all cellar4 ,if ,bridgeman had only said a light garret1 ,i could have accommodated him4 ,but all cellars ,i had ever entered were dark4 ,or if there had been some way of putting a cellar out of doors4 ,i could have introduced the gas into the cellar1 but was afraid to burn it or kerosene lest they might burn too much4 ,i was all in the dark about the cellar1 and doubted whether artificial aid if attainable would convert its inherent darkness into the light of ,bridgeman's intelligence4 ,he said if there was no light cellar we might use an old shed4 ,but here1 again1 was a similar difficulty4 ,we had no old shed2 they were all new3 besides1 they were not much lighter than the cellar4 ,light was evidently necessary1 and it was only after much thought that ,i hit upon a feasible plan4 ,we had built a sort of greenhouse2 it had not been used long1 the plants not proving green enough to live in it1 and it had been converted into a chicken-coop for the forcing of infant chickens4 ,no better place could be selected1 if light was wanted2 for the sun poured down upon its glass roof and sides all day long1 till the chickens got so over-heated under the forcing process that they spent most of their time1 when they were not engaged pulling out each other's feathers1 standing and panting with their mouths open4 ,here it was that ,i determined to establish the mushroom-bed1 where it would have a sure chance to heat1 and where it could have as much light as the lightest cellar ,bridgeman had ever discovered4 ,when ,i subsequently mentioned my intentions to ,patrick1 he made incoherent remarks about 8its being too hot intirely1 and that the sun would burn them all up40 ,but he had not studied the habits of mushrooms and their demand for light2 so we picked out 8the droppings10 as we were ordered from day to day1 and turned and flattened them1 and laid layers of earth between layers of them1 in the most approved manner4 ,the middle of ,august arrived before we were through1 and the place was so hot ,i fairly gasped as ,i worked in it2 but when it was completed1 ,i broke the cakes of mushroom spawn into pieces1 and deposited them under a few inches of soil1 and covering the whole with a deep mass of straw1 awaited developments4 ,it was some time before any results made their appearance2 then there was a motion in the earth1 which1 at first ,i supposed was the activity of the seeds and the bursting forth of the fruitful fungi4 ,nothing of that sort came of it4 ,instead1 the motion extended itself till it resembled a gentle movement of the entire bed4 ,at this my suspicions were aroused1 and ,i proceeded quietly and cautiously to investigate4 ,i lifted off the straw from one corner1 and stirred the earth and dug down into it2 then the truth came upon me4 ,there was a motion--a motion through the entire conglomeration of earth and droppings2 but it was not of the bursting fungi1 nor even vegetable in its origin2 it was entirely vermicular3 the bed was one wriggling1 moving1 turning1 twisting mass of worms4 ,they might have been a new development of the worm family--a sort of mushroom worm produced by spontaneous generation2 but ,i had not the heart to investigate them1 under the knowledge that all our efforts to produce a bed of mushrooms were to end in the production of a crop of worms4 ,i said nothing to ,patrick1 but carried out the straw1 and let in the chickens once more4 ,they had got a fresh growth of feathers from running about the grounds1 and had accumulated a healthy appetite1 and the way they scratched and dug and dusted in that mushroom-bed showed the extent of our misdirected results1 and assured me that if we ever wanted to raise chickens all we had to do was to establish a mushroom-bed on the most approved principles1 and in a light and sunny exposure4 ,hardly1 however1 had the painful admission of our failure been forced upon us1 when a special ,providence1 as it might be called1 or an agricultural equipoise1 came to our assistance4 ,i had laid out a portion of the garden for a plot of fall spinach1 and told ,patrick to give it what is politely termed a 8good dressing0--a ball costume1 or regular wedding outfit of manure4 ,this had been planted1 but gave no signs of coming to fruition2 at least ,patrick assured me that he had 8put lashings of seeds into it10 although doubts began to arise whether he had not forgotten that important step in successful agriculture4 ,the plants certainly did not show up1 although we were now passing well into the autumn1 and ,i was wondering how ,i could turn that 8dressing0 to account4 ,one morning1 as ,i was studying the problem1 ,i noticed that there had been a movement in the soil1 such as ,i had at first hoped from my mushroom-bed4 ,little mounds had erected themselves here and there1 as though the tiniest of gnomes were at work1 or the spinach had collected itself in spots for one tremendous and united effort to break through the stubborn soil4 ,i instantly suspected more worms1 and thought of turning the chickens from the hothouse into the garden1 but before doing so resolved to investigate4 ,to my equal surprise and delight ,i found1 on uncovering one of these mounds1 that they were the mud-homes of the precious fungi1 and that the mushrooms which were vainly sought in the light of science1 were the mound-builders1 and had surreptitiously transferred themselves to the garden4 ,there are many surprises in horticulture1 and especially in mushroom propagation4 ,having produced a bed of vermicular life when ,i was in pursuit of fungi1 a reward of fungi had equalized matters by usurping the place of a plot of spinach4 ,i watched those succulent eccentricities with the attention they merited4 ,i lifted the earth off their tender heads lest they should be pressed back into the ground4 ,i gloated over their creamy consistency1 so superior to the dull discoloration of the vapid and faded objects purchased in the markets4 ,at last my well-earned triumph was to come1 and ,weeville was to be taught that1 although ,i might not succeed precisely as ,i had planned1 intelligence and study were sure to be crowned in the end4 ,the weather was growing cooler1 the season being early1 and ,i felt that no time was to be lost4 ,i proceeded promptly to make a collection of the luscious edibles as soon as they were sufficiently matured and abundant1 determined to use them as a surprise to my friends in the city1 including ,weeville1 who was not to escape from my triumph now4 ,there was no depending on the uncertain future1 for the grounds of glory were in the basket4 ,i telegraphed an invitation to a supper at the ,manhattan ,club1 merely saying ,i would bring a dish from my farm that ,i thought would astonish my friends1 and teach them that there was something in home-farming after all4 ,it was a big basket and well filled1 that there might be no stint1 and weighed so heavily when packed that ,i put it on the piazza out of the sun till ,patrick should bring up the horse4 ,the horse was rather restive2 horses always are restive till you get in1 and seem to be in a terrible hurry1 and there is no end to their anxiety to be under way till they are1 when they generally become more moderate4 ,our horse was peculiarly unsteady on this occasion1 and ,patrick had all he could do to control him as ,i climbed over the wheels1 for years of hard toil in the field have made me stiff in my limbs1 and slow in climbing4 ,so we started in some confusion and trepidation4 ,it was only when the train had reached ,jamaica that ,i found that ,i had forgotten all about my basket of mushrooms1 and had left it calmly resting in the shadiest part of the piazza4 ,the little party went off very pleasantly at the club1 and ,i left the guests mystified as to which special dish it was that had come from the farm1 although ,weeville in his blunt fashion blurted out that he believed 8,i had made another failure of it40 ,that night there came a severe frost1 and not only were all the mushrooms that had been picked shrivelled up1 but those in the garden were killed4 ,i kept that spot sacred next season1 hoping that the treasure of the earth would again present itself3 but the little genii never favored me thereafter2 nothing but weeds grew the ensuing summer1 and after that we converted it to the raising of corn and cucumbers4 ,this was a disappointment1 but ,i had the satisfaction of feeling that ,i had raised the finest mushrooms that ever were seen1 and could raise them again1 provided they took into their heads to appear as unexpectedly as in this remarkable instance4 ,it is a permanent pleasure to dwell on the thought of how good they would have been1 if only we had had a chance to try them1 and had not forgotten that basket1 and ,i never can pass that portion of the garden without a reawakening of such sentiments1 and if any visitors happen to be with me taking occasion to point out to them my mushroom-bed4