,,the ,,sculapian ,,labyrinth ,,explored2 ,,or1 ,,medical ,,mystery ,,illustrated4 ,,in ,a ,,series ,,of ,,instructions ,,to ,,young ,,physicians1 ,,surgeons1 ,,accouchers1 ,,apothecaries1 ,,druggists1 ,,and ,,practitioners ,,of ,,every ,,denomination1 ,,in ,,town ,,and ,,country4 ,,interspersed ,,with ,a ,,variety ,,of ,,risible ,,anecdotes ,,affecting ,,the ,,faculty4 ,,inscribed ,,to ,,the ,,college ,,of ,,wigs1 ,,by ,,gregory ,,glyster1 ,,an ,,old ,,practitioner4 8,,twenty ,,more6 ,,kill ,,them ,,too40----,,bobadil4 ,,london3 ,,printed ,,for ,g4 ,,kearsley1 ,,no4 #df1 ,,fleet-,,street4 ,,mdcclxxxix4 ,,price ,,three ,,shillings ,,and ,,six-,,pence4 ,,to ,,the ,,college ,,of ,,wigs4 8,most potent1 grave1 and reverend signiors1 8,my very noble and approved good0 ,doctors4 ,the solemnity of your somniferous aspects1 no less than the professional gravity of your external ornaments1 lay claim to a bow of obedient recollection in passing through ,w---- k-lane to public inspection4 ,as one of the most popular descendants from your great progenitor1 permit me to acknowledge1 ,i revere the vast extent of your medical abilities2 that ,i feel most forcibly the enormous weight of your accumulated learning1 and tremble at the very idea of your experimental abilities4 ,condescend1 dread ,sirs1 to sanction this analization of sculapian imposition and medical mystery1 with such proof of approbation1 as the dignity of a diploma1 and the muscular rigidity of physical countenance will permit you to bestow2 nor let it be the less entitled to your favor1 that a long list of valetudinarians 7to whom you are daily pensioners7 become partakers of the banquet of mirth2 or the small fry of pharmacopolists 7your humble dependents7 for once permitted to take a seat at the same table with yourselves4 ,anxiously solicitous to obtain belief1 that 8,i shall nothing extenuate1 8,nor set down aught in malice10 you may in justice conclude me1 ,sage ,sirs6 ,your very candid1 ,and obedient representative1 ,,gregory ,,glyster4 ,,the ,,sculapian ,,labyrinth ,,explored4 ,,to ,,the ,,physician4 ,having passed the tedious years of abstruse study and intense application1 necessary to your initiation in the mysteries of physic1 and replete with a perfect remembrance of all the requisites to this great art1 we suppose you recently emerged from the obscurity of dreary walls and dull professors1 a phenomnon of universal knowledge and family admiration4 ,the various and elaborate examinations you have passed1 with scholastic approbation1 having relieved you from the constantly accumulating load of anxiety1 you are at length launched into life under a new character1 and daily pant to display the dignity of your profession1 in the happy appendage of ,m4 ,d4 to the prescriptive initials of your name4 ,you are no longer to be considered a student labouring in the heavy trammels of unintelligible lectures upon philosophy1 anatomy1 botany1 chemistry1 and the materia medica1 with all their distinct and consequent advantages2 or investigating the actual properties of electrical fire and ,,magnetic ,,enthusiasm1 but stamped 7by royal authority7 with the full force of physical agency1 and have derived from your merit unlimited permission to cure1 8kill or destroy10 to the best of your knowledge and abilities1 8so help you 8,god40 ,the professional path you now begin to tread1 is so replete with danger1 and the probability of success so very uncertain1 that the fertile world have not omitted to make it proverbial1 8,a physician never begins to get bread1 till he has no 8teeth to eat it40 ,the truth of this may perhaps have been lamentingly acknowledged by some of the most learned men that ever became dependant upon a capricious world for precarious subsistance4 ,this palpable fact may concisely serve to convince you1 your embarkation 7with all its alluring prospects7 will not only be encumbered with difficulties1 but your ultimate gratification of success exceedingly doubtful4 ,great depth of learning may afford consolation to the equity of your own feelings 7if you fortunately possess them7 but it is by no means necessary to the acquisition of public opinion1 however it may tend to contribute to the general good4 ,to avoid entering into a sentimental disquisition upon the honesty1 integrity1 or strict propriety of the maxims ,i proceed to lay down for your future conduct to obtain professional splendour1 and insure success2 ,i avail myself of the privilege ,i possess1 to wave every consideration of the conscientious kind1 and once more observe 7without adverting to their consistency7 they are adduced only as the unavoidable traits of character1 and modes of behaviour1 by which alone 7in the present age7 you can possibly hope for the least proportional share of practice as a physician4 ,at your first public entr1 when the college list and court calendar have announced your qualifications and advancement to the wondering world 7that such list should annually increase7 let your friends and relatives be doubly assiduous in propagating reports 7almost incredible7 of your great humanity1 extensive abilities1 and unbounded benevolence4--,this will answer the intended purpose to a certainty2 crouds of the afflicted and necessitous will surround your habitation1 and render your place of residence constantly remarkable to all classes1 who naturally enquiring the character of the proprietor1 will eagerly extol your charity in contributing your 8advice to the poor ,,gratis40 ,this method alone will gain you popularity with those that rank in the line of mediocrity2 with their superiors1 success must be insured more from the efforts of interest1 than either personal merit1 or sound policy4 ,your attention to the wants of the poor1 must soon be regulated by the preponderation of more weighty considerations2 as you affected to alleviate their distresses from the motive of commiseration1 prompting you to promote their ease1 you have an undoubted right to shake off such superfluous visits1 to secure your own4 ,in this deceptive charity1 some degree of discrimination must be put in practice1 for you will sometimes perceive one among the train1 whose apparel or behaviour must necessarily give you reason to suspect he has assumed the cloak of necessity to save his fee1 and avail himself of your professional liberality in such case1 call to your aid a look of true medical austerity1 and let him understand 8advice is seldom of any value or 8effect unless it is paid for20 this will frequently answer the purpose1 and procure what you did not expect4 ,on the contrary1 so soon as you observe your prescriptions have 8worked wonders0 upon two or three of the most credulous and superstitious1 who are extolling your great knowledge and 8blessing your honour10 strengthen the force of your judgment by charitably obtruding a pecuniary corroboration into the hand of your afflicted patient1 as a confirmation of your unbounded skill in the 7miraculous7 cure of every disease to which the human frame is incident4 ,by such political practice1 you insure the recital of your services with extacy1 and your name reverberates from one end of the metropolis to the other4 ,your person and place of residence1 being by these means universally known1 and your name become in a proportional degree popular1 let your plan and mode of behaviour be instantly changed2 it will be now necessary 8,you 8assume a0 hurry 8if you have it not10 ,take care to be so exceedingly engaged with patients of the first class and eminence1 that 8it is with difficulty you procure time sufficient for the common purposes and gratifications of nature40 ,no paupers whatever can be admitted to your presence without a written recommendation from nobility1 or characters of the first fortune2 this will insure you no farther intrusion from a class originally introduced for your particular purpose2 that effected1 they may now be permitted to fall into the back ground of the picture2 from whence they were brought for no other motive than the promotion of your personal interest and professional emolument4 ,it becomes your particular care to be always in a hurry2 let your chariot 7if you can fortunately raise one7 upon job1 be at the door regularly by nine in the morning2 to prove how very much you are attached to the duties of your profession1 and how anxiously you have the salubrity of your patients at heart4--,omit no one circumstance that can contribute to a shew of being perpetually engaged4 ,letters written by yourself1 and messengers of your own dispatching1 cannot be seen at your doors too frequently2 the chariot should be as repeatedly ordered--remember to leave home by one way1 and return by another1 and equally in haste2 all these stratagems are considered peculiar privileges of the ,college of ,wigs1 and are well worthy your attention and constant practice4 ,you need hardly be told1 the superficial and unthinking part of mankind are ever caught by appearances2 what proportion they bear to other distinctions1 need not in the present instance be at all ascertained4 ,having laid down rules 7that should be rigidly persevered in7 for the regulation of your public character1 ,i shall now advert to the strict line of conduct it will be proper for you to adopt in your personal transactions upon all professional emergencies4 ,when called to a patient upon the recommendation of the family apothecary1 you are to consider him one of your best friends1 and pay court to him accordingly2 on the contrary1 if you are engaged upon the spontaneous opinion of the patient1 or his relatives1 you have every reason to conclude the abilities of the apothecary are held in very slender estimation1 and you may safely venture to display as much of your own consequence and superiority1 as circumstances will admit4 ,after the awkward ceremony of your first appearance is over1 and matters a little adjusted1 take great care to be upon your guard2 indulge in a variety of significant gestures1 and emphatical hems6--and hahs6 proving you possessed of singularities1 that may tend to excite ideas in the patient and surrounding friends1 that a physician is a superior part of the creation4----,let every action1 every word1 every look1 be strongly marked1 denoting doubt and ambiguity2 proceed to the necessary enquiries of 8what has been done in rule and regimen1 previous to your being called in80 hear the recital with patience1 and give your nod of assent1 lest you make ,mr4 ,emetic1 the apothecary1 your formidable enemy1 who will then most conscientiously omit to recommend the assistance of such extraordinary abilities on any future occasion4--,take care to look wisdom in every feature2 speak but little1 and let it be impossible that little should be understood2 let every hint1 every shrug be carefully calculated to give the hearers a wonderful opinion of your learning and experience4--,in your half-heard and mysterious conversation with your medical inferior1 do not forget to drop a few observations upon--8the animal conomy0--8circulation of the blood0--8acrimony0--8the non naturals0--8stricture upon the parts0--8acute pain0--8inflammatory heat0--8nervous irritability10 and all those technical traps that fascinate the hearers1 and render the patient yours ad libitum4 ,to the friends or relatives of the diseased1 7as the case may be7 you seriously apprehend great danger2 but such apprehension is not without its portion of hope2 and you doubt not1 but a rigid perseverance in the plan you shall prescribe1 will reconcile all difficulties in a few days1 and restore the patient 7whose recovery you have exceedingly at heart7 to his health and friends2 that you will embrace the earliest opportunity to see him again1 most probably at such an hour1 7naming it7 in the mean time you are in a great degree happy to leave him in such good hands as ,mr4 ,emetic1 to whom you shall give every necessary direction1 and upon whose integrity and punctuality you can implicitly rely4 ,you then require a private apartment for your necessary consultation and plan of joint depredation upon the pecuniary property of your unfortunate invalid1 which you are now going seriously to attack with the full force of physic and finesse4 ,you first learn from your informant what has been hitherto done without effect1 and determine accordingly how to proceed2 but in this1 great respect must be paid to the temper1 as well as the constitution and circumstances1 of your intended prey2 if he be of a petulant and refractory disposition1 submitting to medical dictation upon absolute compulsion1 as a professed enemy to physic and the faculty1 let your harvest be short1 and complete as possible4 ,on the contrary1 should a hypochondriac be your subject1 with the long train of melancholic doubts1 fears1 hopes1 and despondencies1 avail yourself of the faith implicitly placed in you1 and regulate your proceedings by the force of his imagination2 let your prescription 7by its length and variety7 reward your jackall for his present attention and future services4--,take care to furnish the frame so amply with physic1 that food may be unnecessary2 let every hour 7or two7 have its destined appropriation--render all possible forms of the materia medica subservient to the general good--draughts--powders--drops1 and pills1 may be given 7at least7 every two hours2 intervening apozems1 or decoctions1 may have their utility2 if no other advantage is to be expected1 one good will be clearly ascertained1 the convenience of having the nurse kept constantly awake1 and if one medicine is not productive of success1 another may4 ,these are surely alternatives well worthy your attention1 being admirably calculated for the promotion of your patient's cure and your own reputation4 ,having written your long prescription1 and learnt from ,mr4 ,emetic every necessary information1 you return to the room of your patient1 to prove your attention1 and renew your admonitions of punctuality and submission2--then receiving your fee with a consequential air of indifference1 you take your leave2 not omitting to drop an additional assurance1 that 8you shall not be remiss in your attendance40 ,these1 ,sir1 are the instructions you must steadily pursue1 if you possess an ardent desire to become eminent in your profession--opulent in your circumstances--formidable to your competitors1 or a valuable practitioner to the ,company of ,apothecaries1 from whom you are to expect the foundation of support4 ,a multiplicity of additional hints might be added for your minute observance2 but such a variety will present themselves in the course of practice1 that a retrospective view of diurnal occurrences will sufficiently furnish you with every possible information for your future progress2 regulating your behaviour1 by the rank of your patients1 from the most pompous personal ostentation1 to the meanest and most contemptible servility4 ,,to ,,the ,,surgeon4 ,i congratulate you upon your recent emancipation from incessant study1 intense application1 and strict hospital attendance1 where ,i shall willingly suppose1 you was a dresser of the most promising abilities2 that you excelled your cotemporaries in every chirurgical opinion1 became an expert dissecting pupil to one of the court of examiners1 and are now burst through the cloud of your original obscurity1 a perfect prodigy of anatomical disquisition4 ,i naturally conclude you capable of animadverting upon all the distinct branches of your art to admiration1 that you are critically excellent in the use of an instrument from the humble act of simple phlebotomy1 to the more important operation for a fistula in ano4--,you have1 beyond every shadow of doubt1 paid proper attention to the fashionable precepts of the late ,lord ,chesterfield1 and rendered yourself 7with assistance from the graces7 a perfect adept in polite address1 displaying a variety of the most engaging attitudes1 even in the adjustment of a ten tailed bandage4 ,the professional information you have industriously collected1 is such as will certainly afford you the most equitable claims upon public opinion1 being in possession of every necessary acquisition from a simple gonorrha to a confirmed lues4 ,previous to your solicitation of favour from your friends1 you have necessarily passed the awful ceremony of examination at the ,old ,bailey1 under your former tutor 7and his brethren of the court7 who would not pay his own abilities so improper a compliment as to ask you questions in anatomy or osteology1 that he knew your qualifications inadequate to the task of technically explaining4 ,after passing this fiery ordeal1 you deposit the usual pecuniary gratuity1 and receiving the badge of your newly acquired honor1 we now hail you 8a ,member of the ,corporation of ,surgeons10 and conclude an ornamental plate upon the door of your habitation denotes you so accordingly4 ,we suppose you embarking in a sea of spirited opposition1 with your competitors1 for professional celebrity1 and decorating your place of residence in the most applicable stile to attract attention4 ,to effect this1 let your exterior apartments be ornamented with the busts of ancients you never read1 and portraits of moderns that you never knew4 ,these form an excellent combination to excite the admiration and report of those who have occasion to court the assistance of your extensive abilities4--,to gradually heighten which surprize1 your interior 7or audit room7 must be a perfect ,golgotha4--,a proficiency in the science of osteology1 must be powerfully impressed upon the senses of the trembling visitors1 by a profusion of skeletons in different states2 let the awfulness of the scene be rendered still more striking1 by a variety of subjects suspended in spirits1 interspersed with singular anatomical and injected preparations1 both wet and dry2 giving to the whole additional force by the introduction of a 8few ill shaped fishes10 as the finishing stroke to a well formed plan of chirurgical ostentation4 ,remember to let the certificates of your professional qualifications1 from your different lecturing tutors1 be so placed 7in elegant frames7 as to meet the eye in a conspicuous direction2 lest that part of your patients1 who condescend to visit you in this gloomy recess1 should have reason to conclude you a consummate dunce and most illiterate booby1 if these learned professors had not done your friends the favour to 8certify0 to the contrary3 and this they always chearfully do1 rather than have it imagined they have eased you of a part of your property1 without doing you any real service4 ,the domestic arrangement being thus formed1 the reflections to which you must now turn your mind1 are the necessary modes of practice and behaviour1 that may render you not only eminent in your profession1 but respectable in your property2 as great events1 that contribute largely to the gratification of such wish1 do not frequently occur1 inferior cases of every kind must be rendered subservient to the purpose4 ,in this list1 venereals are entitled to pre-eminence1 as the most lucrative2 the patient never hesitating to pay full as liberally for the preservation of the secret as the cure of disease4--,but you may be perfectly assured1 this secret never rewards so well1 as when fate or fortune assists its introduction to married families2 a most striking corroboration of this fact1 occurred not long since in the neighbourhood of a royal residence1 and afforded matter of mirth to the first circles in its environs4--,this constant friend to the faculty was communicated to a married lady1 by a young and celebrated personage of some national eminence1 and immediately conveyed from her to her enamoured cornuto in the moments of true connubial felicity2 he1 in the love of variety1 unluckily conferred the favour upon the house maid2 and she1 in the extensive liberality of her disposition1 kindly bestowed a portion upon the footman4 ,the electrical shock of this ,french fire was so rapidly communicated1 that the four sufferers1 within the space of ten days1 made their separate private confessions to the medical superintendant of the family1 each assigning a different cause for its introduction1 and equally strangers to the mode of its being brought into so sober a family4 ,although this is a well authenticated fact1 it is a harvest that can be very seldom expected to happen in so great a degree2 yet you will find it a matter often intruding between husband and wife1 and considered no indelible proof of modern inconstancy4--,to this secret1 you will be frequently admitted by one party--the other1 or both2 and have an undoubted privilege to accumulate all possible pecuniary advantage from the confidence so implicitly placed in you4 ,whatever cases are submitted to your opinion1 be always prepared to represent them worse than they really are2 making by your technical terms1 and political doubts1 bad worse upon every possible occasion4 ,let all your proceedings have a peculiar and commanding dignity annexed to the execution2 by assuming a want of feeling1 even to ferocity1 you will be termed a practitioner of spirit1 and become properly distinguished for your professional fortitude4 ,no tender sensations must be permitted to influence your feelings during any operation1 however tedious1 or painful to the patient2 they are an ornament to human nature1 and beneath your consideration as one of the faculty4--,custom has rendered you ineligible to a place in the jury box1 as an evident proof of your professional brutality2 by therefore turning 8their pains to laughter and contempt10 you only justify the character you are already in possession of4 ,in the most trifling operations 7even phlebotomy7 descend to the very minuti of medical consequence1 not only making the ceremony long1 but serious1 that you may be the better entitled to personal respect and pecuniary compensation4 ,in all those dreadful accidents that alarm friends and distress families1 take care to throw out 7during your apparent care and attention7 a variety of observations that convey large sounds with little meaning2 by such ambiguous expressions you render the cure more extraordinary1 whenever it happens1 and is no bad preparative for the procrastination of it to your own emolument4 ,in all cases requiring the interposition of instruments1 take great care that you produce them with mysterious solemnity1 impressing the spectators and assistants1 with equal awe and fear of your abilities2 if incisions1 or separation of the soft parts1 become necessary1 be sure1 like 8old ,renault10 to 8shed blood enough20 it will be attended with a double advantage2 first in the appearance of business1 and the more pleasing consideration1 that the larger and deeper the wound1 the longer time will be necessary for incarnation2 during the course of which1 your personal attendance and daily epithemas cannot be dispensed with4 ,the greater operations do not occur every day1 therefore tedious cicatrizations1 in addition to simple and compound fractures1 are comfortable aids to fill up the spaces of intervention4 ,fractures of the lower extremities are exceedingly favourable1 for you may then exert proper authority2 it becomes your duty to keep them down when they are so1 for surely you may take upon you to know 7with propriety and professional privilege7 when they are capable of standing and walking1 better than they can themselves4--,tho' one exception to this rule has fallen within my knowledge1 and nearly set aside the privilege of the practice in the neighbourhood where it happened4 ,an honest hearty miller1 in a small parish in the county of ,h------1 having1 on the market day1 made some lucky purchases1 and congratulating himself upon his good fortune with a few friends over the bottle1 got himself insensibly intoxicated2 but obstinately persisting in his determination 7and ability7 to ride home1 he was suffered to depart1 and was found afterwards upon the road by one of his own servants almost lifeless2 he was conveyed to his habitation1 and one of the most eminent surgeons from a certain large and populous town was called in1 who finding the trunk nearly inanimate1 proceeded to venesection1 then to an accurate examination of the body1 in which he presently discovered 8a fracture of the tibia1 and two of the ribs2 he had every reason to apprehend 7from present symptoms7 a concussion of the brain2 but situated as things were1 he should now administer proper palliatives1 and pursue the necessary steps upon his arrival in the morning40--,he then left the patient1 after strict injunctions 8that he should not be suffered to move from the position he had placed him in1 till his return40--,at the hour before appointed1 the ,doctor returned1 and not finding the wife below stairs1 explored the region he had left his patient in the night before1 surrounded by his sorrowful friends2 when1 strange to relate6 7stranger to believe67 the bird was flown1 the bed made1 and the very room exhibited a striking proof of rustic neatness4 ,recovering in some degree from his surprise1 and feeling very forcibly the aukwardness of his situation1 he descended to the kitchen1 and there finding the wife 7who had just returned from some business in a back yard7 he eagerly enquired 8,how1 or which way1 his patient had been conveyed1 and where to80--,when the poor woman very simply and civilly replied1 that 8her husband was gone into the fields among his folks2 that she had repeatedly urged the doctor's orders of his not getting out of bed2 but he was a very obstinate man1 and said he'd be d--'d if he'd ever lay in bed with a broken leg for any doctor in ,england1 so long as he could walk upon it40--,it may be better conceived than described how severe a stroke this proved upon the reputation of the surgeon2 certain it is1 his practice continued in a declining state for some years1 and it was not till the circumstance was nearly buried in oblivion 7with the body of the miller7 that he recovered his former celebrity1 being at this moment one of the oldest and most eminent practitioners in the neighbourhood where he resides4 ,this instance sufficiently demonstrates the impropriety of overstraining the professional prerogative1 especially with those obstinate uncivilized beings1 who have so little pliability of disposition1 as not to lay in bed when required2 particularly in cases of emergency1 where it is so evidently for the promotion of their own health and safety4 ,remember in all cases of difficulty and danger to be mindful of the emplastrum adhsivum of connexion1 by which every branch of the faculty should be united for the preservation of the whole2 advise 7without the least reference to the enormity of expence7 a consultation of the most eminent2 this renders the case of your patient more serious and alarming1 and you oblige your brethren by the recommendation2 first of a physician1 whose prescription introduces the apothecary2 and you then proceed physically and systematically in the joint depredation and cure2 your two friends1 by the law of retribution1 gratefully recommending your inspection of every simple laceration upon all similar occasions4 ,these are maxims that may at first sight seem beneath the attention of a young and brilliant practitioner1 who erroneously conceiving merit a sufficient recommendation1 requires no other conductor2 but they are so evidently an absolute part of his necessary study1 that unless such mutual arts are occasionally put in practice1 he can never 7in the present multiplied state of practitioners7 expect to derive the common necessaries of life from a fair and generous practice of his profession4 ,men of understanding1 experience1 and observation1 know1 that the benignant hand of providence continues to anticipate in a variety of instances the interpositions of art2 and nature would1 upon many occasions1 entirely effect her own work1 if not so frequently interrupted and retarded by the officious hands and interested experiments of professional jugglers4 ,,to ,,the ,,accoucher1 ,,or1 ,,man-,,midwife4 ,you fortunately make your appearance upon the boards of public patronage1 under the most striking advantages2 the prevalence of fashion has exceeded every consideration of decency and discretion1 and you are become 7by the influence of pride and imitation7 as necessary to the comfort of a cottage1 as the happiness of a court4 ,from the nature of your professional destination1 a pleasing exterior1 and an accomplished person1 are invariably expected2 necessarily blending 7from your intended intercourse with the purer part of the creation7 the precision of taste1 with the perfection of the scholar4 ,the certificate granted you by that elaborate lecturer1 the obstetric professor1 proclaims you qualified in the very minuti of this mysterious art4 ,the parts1 externally and internally1 necessary to generation1 are so perfectly familiar to your 8mind's eye10 that you can extemporaneously delineate the ovari1 the 8fallopian tubes10 the fimbri1 and the very act of conception1 from the 8animalcul0 in 8semen masculino10 to the last stage of gestation2 the gradual expansion of the uterus1 the dilatation of the os uteri1 the progress of labour1 and all the methods of extraction4 ,you can clearly define the classes as natural1 laborious1 and preternatural2 the use of the forceps1 scissars1 crotchet1 and blunt hook2 the introduction of the catheter1 the extraction of the placenta1 and the separation of the funis2 in fact1 all the et ceteras are so perfectly clear to you in theory1 that it is almost treason to suppose you can err in the practice4 ,but1 ,sir1 ripe as you are in these advantages1 the harvest of universal applause1 and the sweets of emolument1 are scarcely to be acquired even by time1 labour1 and the most indefatigable industry4 ,you have in the practice of midwifery1 all the ills of ,pandora's box to encounter1 and after twenty years practice may be left to exclaim most emphatically1 8,vain his attempt who strives to please you all40 ,the only consolation you have1 is1 that you are destined to cooperate with subjects1 whose smiles render some degree of compensation for the incessant fatigue dependant upon the practice4 ,under these considerations1 in the full career of your expectations1 it can never prove inapplicable to prepare your mind for some of the rebuffs and disappointments that inevitably ensue4 ,i conclude you are possessed of youth1 health1 diligence1 and constitutional stamina2 but there are other requisites1 equally necessary for the performance of professional duties1 to which by election you dedicate the store of knowledge you have so industriously acquired4 ,the indispensible qualifications1 for the successful execution of the arduous task you are undertaking1 may be comprised in very few words1 and those few exceedingly expressive and readily understood2 without sobriety1 fortitude1 judgment1 and patience1 you never can expect to attain the summit of excellence1 or obtain admission to those families whose patronage will contribute most to both credit and emolument4 ,but admitting you possessed of all the requisites for mere manual operation1 the process of delivery1 and consistency of conduct1 yet there are a multiplicity of embellishments1 that nothing but previous information1 private instruction1 or experimental practice1 can sufficiently recommend to your attention4 ,in the awful minute of your introduction to a scene of excruciating agony and eager expectation1 where the hope of a mother1 and the anxiety of friends1 all center in you1 as the messenger of peace1 throw off the ostentatious air of self-importance1 exerted over those patient paupers upon whom you practised in the days of your initiation1 and recollecting yourself the humble solicitant of public opinion and private favour1 display your tenderness and civility1 as no bad harbinger of your better qualifications4 ,strengthen such favourable impression by every degree of delicacy and attention to the suffering expectant1 who imploring assistance from the interposition of your art1 hails you as 8the god of her idolatry10 by whom she is to receive an early acquittal from all her sufferings4 ,as this is not often to be instantly expected1 and many tedious hours frequently intervene between the hope and execution1 it will be necessary 7exclusive of your periodical consolations to the patient's inspiring resignation7 you address yourself to the passions and foibles of the gossips1 with whom you will in general be too numerously attended1 and whose clamours upon many occasions are not easily to be subdued4--,notwithstanding this1 the good opinions and recommendations of these motley visitors 7of all ages and constitutions7 are the very materials to form the foundation of report1 upon which the superstructure of your reputation and future practice is to be raised4--,although gravity1 even to a certain degree of solemnity1 is a characteristic of your professional practice1 yet there are times when you must unavoidably come forward to enliven the good ladies with a specimen of your volubility1 and variegate the natural extremities of pain with the applicable insinuations of mirth4 ,jocular inuendoes and double entendres are not only expected1 but courted in the intervals of ease1 or1 as the good women generally term it1 8when the business stands still40 ,the introduction of the tea-table and the joke are always considered equally promoters of mirth and the delivery2 the practitioner is expected to be well stocked with the most fashionable recitals of seduction1 rapes1 fornication1 and adultery1 which1 if well told1 and applicably introduced1 insures him to a certainty the future interests of his company4 ,it will be absolutely necessary for you to fall into all the opinions of the table1 except the glass of brandy repeatedly pressed upon you by the nurse 7as a specific1 or grand arcana1 for every ill7 with the very expressive plea of its not doing you any harm2 and 8besides1 ,sir1 what's good for the goose is good for the gander40 ,after such casual respites 7which frequently happen7 when the progress of labour calls you again to your chair of office1 resume the language of commiseration1 giving your patient every alleviation of hope for a speedy deliverance1 at the very time you are impressing 7by significant looks and emphatic gestures7 the attendants and friends with an idea of great difficulty and impending danger4 ,in the alternate moments of respiration1 evade every retrospective allusion to the length of the labour1 by frequent insinuations that it advances rapidly1 that you have great reason to hope every obstacle will be soon surmounted2 but you are afraid the consolation you administer1 and the pain she suffers1 will take but little hold of the memory1 if you may be permitted to judge from the declaration of a very pretty woman you delivered during your attendance at the ,lying-in ,hospital1 who1 in reply to your tender admonitions of fortitude and patience1 said1 8,she was very much obliged to you for your kindness1 but she was very certain it would be just the same again by that time twelvemonth40--,this will make way for any thing applicable of your own collection1 but they must be all bordering upon the original cause of the scene before you2 for although the patient is in extreme pain1 it is not so with the attendants2 they consider it a matter of course1 and feel no disgust but from fatigue1 which they very justly conceive they have a right to alleviate with occasional mirth--tea1 and a little good brandy4 ,to the nurse1 great part of your attention must be directed2 for she1 like a bellows blower to the organist at a cathedral1 will expect to be included and constitute ,,we in all the merit of your execution4--,the rapidity1 or gradual progress of labour1 at length closes your complicated scene of mirth and anxiety2 you deliver your patient1 and proceed to the subsequencies 7secundem artem7 all which having concluded to general admiration1 and received ten thousand thanks and blessings from your subject1 you convey a pecuniary hope for future services into the hand of the nurse1 take a tender leave of your patient1 with a promise of seeing her again in proper time1 drop an attracting nod of obedience to the surrounding females1 and meeting the husband at the bottom of the stairs1 congratulate him upon his son or his daughter2 slightly hint the difficulty of the case1 the danger you apprehended1 the fatigue you had undergone1 all which is not worthy a thought1 perfectly happy in an event that contributes so largely to the happiness of him and his family4 ,that part of the work being completed1 that most depended upon the efforts of ,nature1 it becomes your duty to promote your own interest by every exertion of art4 ,should1 after your departure1 any hemorrage ensue1 inevitable danger will be apprehended1 the patient will be reduced1 the friends alarmed1 and you1 in the moments of dreadful anxiety1 be immediately sent for2 this lucky circumstance will operate to your earnest wish2 it will afford ample scope for your most fertile invention1 and happily introduce a long list of styptics1 anodynes1 and all those necessary concomitants that give a profitable complexion to the business1 by enlarging your hopes1 protracting the case1 and encreasing the danger4 ,however1 should this favourable circumstance not occur1 your privilege is by no means curtailed2 you immediately commence your previous intentional operation of dispatching a sufficiency of balsamic anodyne draughts1 8to promote and mitigate the severity of after pains1 that very much distress the patient40 ,these draughts should be continued every four hours at least1 and as a sufficient quantity of that excellent 7and cheap7 medicine1 spermacti1 cannot be well dissolved in each draught1 without rendering it too viscid in consistence1 it will be peculiarly advantageous to you 7as well as the patient7 to let them be accompanied with boluses to be taken at the same time1 composed of pulv4 sperma--confect4 alkermes1 c4--,let the administration of these medicines be entirely regulated by the temper1 docility1 and recovery of your subject2 having it ever in mind1 that it is neither your duty or interest to make the least observation upon their being no longer necessary1 till their frequent use is complained of by the patient sufferer2 and even then you are favoured by fortune in a plea1 that you 8are now under the absolute necessity of making unavoidable alterations for the prevention of the milk1 or puerperal fever1 which you very much apprehend may ensue40 ,that it is an invariable rule with you1 never to recommend the use of medicines1 but where they are highly necessary2 in the present instance1 it is your duty1 from the motive of gratitude1 to be equally circumspect1 for the promotion of her health and your own reputation4 ,to effect every desirable purpose1 a gentle diaphoresis must be supported1 to prevent obstructions and promote the necessary excretions2 to procure which1 you must entreat most earnestly an implicit obedience to your directions1 which from a variety of unpleasant symptoms becomes indispensible4 ,to carry which point in a still greater degree1 renew1 at every visit1 your attentions to the nurse 7who in your absence is a vortex of knowledge1 in your presence all obedience7 her approbation of your conduct1 and good opinion of your practice must be obtained at any price2 it becomes with you a consideration of greater magnitude than your patient's recovery2 for should death no longer permit her presence in the scene of sublunary events1 you lose one patient only2 but with the good opinion and recommendation of the nurse1 vanishes hundreds of patients in embryo1 to be brought forth by the influence of her exaggerated reports of your incredible abilities4 ,the nurse once secured and attached to your interest1 becomes an admirable instrument for the promotion of all your designs1 she embraces every opportunity to strengthen your directions1 and urges 7as you have done7 the continuation of medicine1 8till1 with the blessing of ,god1 her mistress is quite set up and upon her legs again40 ,a proper reflection upon these subjects will convince you 7even in the infancy of your embarkation7 that a midwifery case in a good family is no bad thing1 and made the most of1 with the occasional aid of perpetual cardiacs1--balsamics1--carminatives1 and anodynes1 to ease and 8quiet the child10 every time it coughs1 or belches1 constitutes a harvest of industry and political necessity1 that the world in general is very little acquainted with4 ,previous to the closing of the curtain1 you have still an additional chance for more depredations upon the unfortunate husband2 should stagnant milk occasion a coagulum in the lacteals1 constituting a turgency of the breasts1 threatening a formation of matter1 suppuration becomes almost unavoidable1 and you promote it accordingly2 this leads to certain operation1 daily dressings1 c4 all tend to encrease your interest1 and give you the enjoyment of a temporary monopoly in the joint practice of midwifery1 surgery1 and physic4 ,,to ,,the ,,apothecary4 ,the varieties of your past1 as well as the personal requisites for your future destination1 are of such a pantomimic and party-coloured complexion1 that ,i cannot proceed to a recital so truly risible1 without first offering you1 in the lines of ,woty1 a predominant trait in my own character1 8,i love to laugh1 though ,care stand frowning bye1 ,and pale ,misfortune rolls her meagre eye40 ,thus happily disposed to those brilliant sallies of mirth1 that almost renovate life1 and set melancholy at defiance1 you will be the less liable to surprise1 that ,i shall descend to the very minuti of your necessary qualifications1 for the support of so arduous and complicated a character as you are now going to perform upon the theatre of life4 ,it is very natural to conclude you have1 during the tedious years of initiation as an apprentice1 and your more mature services as a journeyman1 7politely ycleped assistant7 whether in the metropolis1 or the country1 gone through every degree of drudgery1 and feelingly experienced every indignity1 that insolent pride could bestow1 or patient merit receive4 ,not an inferior trust 7of the inferior part of the faculty7 but you have carried into execution1 from the injection of an enema in a garret1 to the separation of an emplastrum vesicatorium in a workhouse4 ,these are offices of humanity and service to your fellow creatures1 that do you immortal honour2 they are retrospectives that form an epoch in the mind of every practitioner1 and afford him the powerful consolation of sacred truth1 8,he that humbleth himself10 c4 by which rule1 and the force of a fertile imagination1 any apothecary may conceive himself a physician1 even in the administration of a glyster4 ,in this hospitable execution 7taken metaphorically7 there cannot be supposed the least indignity2 for it is universally known the greatest and most prudent generals are in the rear during the heat of battle2 and we are again taught seriously to believe 8the last shall be first10 c4 so that you have every way1 7by both faith and services7 insured a religious and prophetic hope of preferment4 ,having for many years encountered the worst1 you are now prepared for the best2 and bidding adieu to the rigid rules of austere masters1 embark upon your own foundation1 qualified for every medical consultation1 from the bedchamber of a duchess dowager to the subterraneous residence of her chairman4 ,you have1 at this period1 not only shaken off the shackles of servitude1 but the very recollection of your long standing culinary connections4 ,in your various changes of residence1 tedious peregrinations1 and medical observations1 it is natural to conclude1 you have acquired by care1 study1 and attention1 a competent knowledge of almost every tint in the picture of life2 which1 with embellishments1 derived from a few courses under some of the metropolitan lecturers1 and hospital attendance1 to qualify you for the complication of country practice1 there is no doubt but you come from the forge properly formed1 to make wrong appear right1 and right wrong1 in the face of every old woman in the county where you are going to reside4 ,exclusive of these qualifications1 and the many instructions already introduced under the two preceding heads 7to which you may occasionally refer7 there are a great variety that must be advanced for your particular use1 and to those you will1 no doubt1 pay every proper attention1 if you indulge the least desire to become a popular member of the faculty4 ,in respect to personal appearance1 former distinctions and peculiarities are in some degree levelled1 the world is very much relaxed in its severities1 and the apothecary mixes with the general herd of mankind1 without those distinguishing exteriors that were his professional characteristics4 ,the gilt-headed cane and enormous tassel are no longer in use2 the full-bottom wig1 that so universally ornamented the os frontis of the faculty in general1 is now almost laid aside with inferior classes1 and engrossed by the college4 ,the apothecary 7particularly in the country7 is in every respect free from the illiberal censure of former times1 and treading close upon the heels of the parson and the lawyer1 enjoys1 without restraint1 the chace1 the gun1 the bottle1 and bona-roba4 ,these1 if you are of a volatile disposition and amorous constitution1 afford 7at seasonable opportunities7 a happy and high relished relaxation from the many severities of medical practice4 ,having fixed upon your intended spot for embarkation1 let every thought be employed to display an attracting uniformity in the disposition of your apparatus1 for the claptrap of public approbation2 and though that great investigator of human nature has beautifully portrayed 8a beggarly account of empty boxes10 yet they become immediately necessary to your present purpose2 it not being his business to explain the folly and extravagance of your placing any thing of consequence there1 before you was experimentally convinced you should have occasion for its use4 ,let there be a profusion of appearance2 the shell of a shop is not very expensive1 and druggists are so numerous1 that you may be expeditiously supplied whenever circumstances require it4--,the bottles 7being transparent7 become more immediately in need of something in each1 particularly a few of those articles 7as hartshorn1 lavender1 c47 that are in common request4 ,the lower drawers 7within reach7 may be labelled with obsolete titles1 and in each placed various paper parcels of bran or saw-dust1 to avoid a chance of the sarcasm upon the faculty by a countryman1 who happened to be left alone some time in the shop of an apothecary1 and whose curiosity being excited by the great number of drawers1 was powerfully prompted to open one labelled 8,thus10 which finding empty1 he was induced to try a second1 still the same2 a third1 the same also4--,oh6 oh6 says he1 8,i see plain enough how it is1 they are all ,thus40 ,your shop being at length finished in a stile modern and striking1 let a green silk curtain 7with brass rods and rings7 be affixed to your window2 it is an excellent method of conveying an idea of internal mystery1 and inspiring proportionate external curiosity4 ,let no paltry diffidence appear in the board over your door1 announcing your name and qualifications2 there are great numbers that can't distinguish small letters at a distance1 to avoid which inconvenience1 let the capitals be as conspicuous as the canvas figures at a country puppet-shew4 8,thus far before the wind20 and being 7as it is natural to conclude7 not greatly engaged1 it becomes your immediate attention to wait personally upon the different overseers of the surrounding parishes1 and give them most forcibly to understand1 they have been for many years the subjects of imposition2 but you having more honesty than the whole body of the faculty1 will undertake to farm the medical superintendance of the poor1 at half the annual sum it has ever cost the inhabitants before4 ,this political stroke will excellently answer both your purposes1 for overseers in general care not how little they pay2 and you being professionally callous to the tears of poverty and distress1 care not how little you give for their money4 ,tartar emetic--,pulv4 contray4 c4--,pulv4 nitri1 and ,pulv4 jalapii--are medicines admirably calculated for the constitutions of the poor2 and thirty or forty shillings a year in those articles1 will be sufficient for the consumption of five or six parishes2 with the additional advantage of rendering vials unnecessary1 a consideration of some consequence1 when it is remembered they are now double their former price4 ,these parochial connections will be productive of advantage in more ways than one1 for as the unhappy paupers will be constantly seen at your door1 it will afford all the appearance of sudden popularity4 ,ostentatious parade1 and personal consequence1 must be your leading traits1 and never lost sight of2 a couple of horses will contribute largely to these objects2 not that you are expected to degrade the dignity of your profession1 by riding1 like ,hughes or ,astley1 two at a time1 but their appearance will constitute an admirable shew of business in being rode alternately2 and as most young men who have not been long their own masters1 are fond of displaying their persons on the outside of a horse1 you may exultingly not only 8feed fat0 the propensity1 but the general run of your mechanical neighbours 7who see no farther than the tips of their noses1 and are ever caught by appearances7 will erroneously suppose you are visiting some of the first characters in the county4 ,as it will be now highly derogatory for you to stain your hands with any menial services1 procure speedily a journeyman 7alias assistant7 to enhance your own weight2 if there is at present nothing for him to do1 the curtain1 before recommended1 will obscure his indolence from the prying eye of public curiosity4 ,no part of the faculty having ever been remarkable for the regularity or fervency of their devotions1 your presence at church will consequently not be expected 7particularly after the impressions you have made of being perpetually engaged7 unless you politically appear there at two or three different times1 merely for the convenience of being called out by your own direction1 at the still and most awful part of the service2 a circumstance that will tell much to your advantage with every superannuated old woman in the parish4 ,take particular care that your horse is constantly brought to your door on the sabbath day1 just as the neighbours are passing to church1 and there paraded some time previous to your appearance1 which to every weak mind will have its effects2 and be equally careful to measure the steps of your horse1 by the hands of your watch1 so that whether your journey is accidentally long1 or intentionally short1 you return just at the moment of their dismission from the religious conventicle4 ,in passing the whole body of inhabitants1 be strictly careful of your self consequence--a bow of significant respect to two or three of the superiors1 may be applicable and consistent--but no familiarity with1 or knowledge of1 the multitude2 the greater your ostentation and indifference1 the more servile will be their admiration and respect4 ,by no means form any hasty or inconsiderate matrimonial connection2 you will derive many advantages at first from a life of celibacy2 there are always a variety of juvenile females in the country 7as well as the metropolis7 who considering themselves every way qualified to constitute doctor's ladies1 will most industriously throw themselves in your way upon every occasion1 that their personal attractions may not escape your observation4 ,to families where there are daughters1 nieces1 or cousins1 who conceive themselves ripe for the gordian knot1 you may assure yourself of being called in a short time2 for as you are such 8a charming man0 in your appearance1 7and so admirably fitting for a husband7 there can't be the least reason to doubt your professional qualifications4 ,you may perhaps start some doubts1 7or conscientious qualms may arise7 how these appearances are to be supported in the infancy of business1 without any great personal property to sanction or justify the attempt2 in such diffidence you perfectly display1 not only your pusillanimity1 but want of knowledge and experience2 for certainly out of the above description of females1 who will constantly pay court to your consequence1 and by a thousand modes solicit your attention1 surely some one of the best possessions may be obtained1 whose fortune1 and advantage of family connection1 may answer your most sanguine expectations3 but should fate conspire against you in both business and marriage1 you will have the consolation of having made a bold push1 and failing in the attempt1 you only become a fashionable adventurer1 and gratefully pay your creditors nothing in the pound4 ,having gone through a chain of circumstances and instructions1 necessary for the support of your public appearance1 it will be naturally expected ,i shall revert to the modes of behaviour that are to constitute your private character1 in the professional transactions that you conclude will daily occur4 ,first1 let it be your constant observance to be equally reserved and difficult of access--whenever your opinion is required1 even in your own shop1 appear there with tedious reluctance1 as if privacies of the utmost consequence prevented your earlier attendance2 this will not only add to your medical weight1 but raise your reputation for good breeding and intercourse with the polite world2 for it is universally known1 none but the inferior orders are introduced to each other without ceremony2 it would be therefore highly ridiculous in you to practise a mode of behaviour in use only with the lowest classes of mankind4 ,never leave home without letting your horse be held long enough at the door to be observed by the surrounding neighbours2 the most trifling indication of business is a point in your favour1 and ought by no means to be omitted4 ,by the invariable good effect of which rule1 no messenger whatever should arrive from the country for medicines1 but he must be detained as long as possible2 his preparations should never be ready when called for2 on the contrary1 his horse should be hung or held at the door for half an hour at least2 a double advantage is derived from this necessary caution--the horse at the door will prove a striking object to the public1 and the messenger will assure the family you attend1 that1 nothing but your great hurry occasioned the delay in his return4 ,it will be strictly proper for you1 upon all occasions1 to preserve the most inflexible serenity of countenance1 even to extreme gravity2 and this injunction becomes the more immediately necessary1 as there are a vast variety of unexpected causes for laughter1 to which you will be open1 in the frequent applications of unpolished rustics1 for your great opinion and assistance4 ,one class will 8beg the favour of you to subscribe for their complaints20 another 8hopes you won't be offended1 but he is come to insult you upon his case20 these instances are so exceedingly common1 that you will often meet with them1 where they are least expected4 ,there now lives an alderman1 in a very capital town and place of royal residence1 who1 a few years since1 labouring under an epidemic complaint1 was told that symptoms were alarming1 and a glyster was unavoidably necessary2 to which representation he expostulated1 begging the apothecary 8to lay aside his intention1 and give him any thing to take inwardly1 but for ,god's sake1 to have no cutting and slaying40--,another of the same learned body corporate 7for they have both kissed the ,k--g's hand7 said 8he bore the severity of his complaint with more patience1 now he was manured to it40 ,to prove the frequency of these accidental slips1 it is impossible to resist the present temptation of introducing a few more1 that occur to memory in the present recital4 ,a lad upon the borders of ,northamptonshire1 being sent in the night to a medical practitioner at ,banbury1 and calling him out of bed1 told him1 8he must come immediately to his mistress1 for she had got a ,vistula60----8,where8 ,in ano80 8,no1 ,zir1 in the next parish to't40 ,in an excursion to ,surrey1 ,i was solicited in a parish near ,chertsey1 to give my advice to a master carpenter there1 who had been a long time indisposed2 but my prescription having had the desired effect1 and the poor man getting abroad1 he very gratefully declared to all his friends1 8,i was the best musician that ever came into the country40--,in the county of ,berks1 an elderly woman came to consult me upon the bad state of her daughter's health2 and after animadverting upon symptoms1 told me in a whisper1 8that her daughter was to have been married to a young man some time since2 but something happening to break it off1 she really believed 'twas nature turned inward in her40 ,paying a visit1 in my earlier days1 to the lady of a good old country alderman of a borough in ,hertfordshire1 she1 after many aukward apologies for the indelicacy of the subject1 tremblingly told me1 8she had been very uneasy for some days1 with a violent heat in her firmament40--,by way of suppressing those risible emotions in my disposition ,i have before described1 ,i1 for a moment1 changed the subject1 by enquiring the health of her husband2 to which she replied1 with thanks1 8he was exceedingly well1 but gone to make an exerescence into the country20 plunged deeper in difficulty1 and nearer the laugh than before1 which was now become hard to suppress1 ,i applied myself to her snuff-box1 then on the table1 and passing a few encomiums on its neatness1 she said1 it was very much admired1 being a gypsey's pimple set in pinch-gut4 ,you will1 no doubt1 be now prepared for such unexpected misapplication of words1 such sublimity of expression1 and regulate the rigidity of your frontal muscles accordingly2 when called to a patient1 let your personal address and behaviour be modelled entirely by the state of his property2 if he is your superior in rank and condition1 every action of yours must denote it most strikingly2--you approach with respect--you dictate with submission--your mildness and affected penetration must be perceptible in all your enquiries1 making the most scrupulous observations how far you seem to gain upon the credulity and good opinion of your subject1 taking leave with all those attracting expressions of tenderness and sympathy1 7highly tinctured with respect7 that may give your patient a favourable idea of the integrity1 it can never be your interest to possess4 ,on the contrary1 when your advice and assistance is required to a patient1 whose feelings are equally wounded by bodily affliction and the barbed arrow of adversity1 you may safely reverse the whole mode of behaviour1 and put into practice your personal pride1 even to perfect impudence4 ,this will be in many respects a consistency of conduct2 it will be convincing them1 as you have nothing to hope from their affluence1 you have certainly nothing to fear from their poverty4 ,let what will be the condition of your patient1 you are not to act as some few conscientious practitioners do1 explaining what you conceive to be the nature of the case1 original cause of complaint1 or from what operation you expect expeditious relief2 this may be the best practice with those unfashionable formal old fellows1 who received their medical instructions near half a century since1 and pique themselves upon what they call their integrity2 but it will be perfectly illiberal in you1 who have received a more modern1 and polished education4 ,ambiguity1 and true medical mystery1 will be your best guide upon every occasion2 by not naming the case1 or cause of complaint1 you can never be accused of having mistaken it2 and by letting the property of the medicine you administer remain a matter of secrecy with all but yourself1 you reserve the incontrovertible power of saying1 8it has had the very effect you intended10 whether it operates by vomit1 stool1 urine1 perspiration1 or sleep3 these are precautions a wise man always takes1 a fool never1 and may be deemed something similar to the conduct of ,bayes's troops in the ,rehearsal1 who1 the warlike messenger said1 8were stealing a march in stilts40 ,during the indisposition of your patient1 'tis your duty to think much more of the emolument that will arise from the protraction of his case1 than the expedience of his cure4 ,you must have it ever in mind1 that he has paid you the the greatest compliment one man can possibly pay another on earth2 he has placed an implicit confidence1 and entrusted you with the care of his constitution and the key of his cash2 in fact1 he has put both his life and property into your hands2 and the respect you owe to self-preservation renders it necessary you make the most of both4 ,let your attachment to his health and interest be demonstrated by the frequency of your attendance2 it will be impossible for you to give a greater proof of your disinterested friendship1 than by your large and constant supplies of different medicines2 too great a quantity1 too great a variety cannot be introduced2 they all tend to a promotion of your emolument1 and the sum total of your bill will be considered a striking proof of your merit and assiduity4 ,if you find the family and friends not perfectly satisfied with your conduct1 that there is the least coolness and discontent perceptible1 or symptoms of present or approaching danger1 strongly recommend the presence of a better opinion in the form of a physician2 this will prove an exertion of the soundest policy--double the quantity of medicines will be thrown into his prescription for the promotion of your interest1 an act that the present danger will amply justify1 and should the unhappy victim be doomed 8,to pass that bourne1 ,from whence no traveller returns10 ,you have nobly and skilfully slipped your neck out of the collar1 and left all the credit of killing 7as you really ought to do7 to your superior1 whose diploma entitles him to the preference2 and1 vice versa1 should you perceive the patient and family become dupes to your affected sincerity1 and that you are daily raising yourself in their estimation1 erect a structure of professional applause upon the basis of their credulity2 insinuate every possible degree of self praise1 and set the advice of a physician in the most contemptible point of view4--,affect unlimited attachment to the interest of your patient1 and say1 8you would recommend much better advice than your own1 if you could do it with a conscientious consistency2 but it had ever been an opinion of yours 7which was still unaltered7 if the apothecary could not plunder a family sufficiently1 the better method would be to adopt a consultation1 when it might be done to a certainty40 ,this open manner of dealing instantly enhances you in the estimation of patient and friends1 and you will consequently stand so high in opinion that you may proceed deliberately in your spoils without interruption1 for where there are no daily fees 7swallowed up in the vortex of the college7 your more trifling depredations will not be considered as matters of medical magnitude or imposition4 ,in all kinds of inferior practice render every look1 every thought and action1 subservient to your general intent of personal rank and pecuniary consequence2 it must be your particular study to inculcate every idea in the lower class1 of your great penetration and abilities2 by your minute investigations1 cross-examinations1 and applicable nods of significance 7implying the most extensive knowledge7 you will discover remote symptoms1 that once explained to the complaining patient1 will give them reason to believe 7which they very readily do7 you are a supernatural agent2 and one fool of this denomination1 who firmly believes you know the state of his health by the wrinkles in his forehead1 or the cloud in his urine1 will soon infect a whole county with the certainty of your infallible qualifications4 ,this opinion once founded1 the effect is absolutely incredible1 an instance of which may be found in various parts of ,england1 but more particularly in a very large and populous town1 not forty miles west of the metropolis1 where fools from every part of the county are constantly driving 7their pockets laden with chamber-lye7 to a famous inspector of urinals1 vulgarly denominated a piss-pot doctor1 who1 to magnify the report of his incredible skill and penetration1 has adopted a certain method to impose upon the minds of the multitude1 and prey upon the little pecuniary collections they can make1 to become the dupes of his villainy and their own infatuation4 ,the mode of imposition1 ,i shall explain in a fact as communicated by one of his most intimate friends1 and leave the story itself to applaud his ingenuity3--,he has 7in a very respectable habitation7 a small private room1 to which every patient or messenger is conducted 7upon a plea that the doctor is not at home1 or is particularly engaged7 here an emissary 7as if casually7 asking certain questions1 hears the whole story1 examines the urine1 and descends to particulars--the doctor is in the adjoining apartment 7calculated by a thin partition and certain openings1 invisible to the unsuspecting visitor7 where he minutely hears the entire conversation2 the necessary secrets being obtained1 he makes his appearance with the most commanding aspect2 at this awful ceremony1 the fascinated patient almost feels the effect of ,,animal ,,magnetism2 the approach of so much wisdom deprives him for a moment of speech1 and the poor devil undergoes a kind of temporary annihilation4 ,an instance of this occurred not long since1 when a country fellow having journeyed twelve miles to the doctor with a bottle of his wife's chrystal stream1 communicated the necessary particulars to the agent1 when the doctor1 in possession of the secret1 made his appearance4--8,well1 friend60--8,i have brought your honour my wife's water1 she could not rest any longer without your device40--8,your wife's water--very well--let me see6--aye1 ,i perceive she has bruised her shoulder40--8,yes1 ,sir1 she has indeed40--8,by this water 7it is perfectly clear7 she has fallen down stairs40--8,yes1 your honour60--8,she is not injured in any other part by the fall80--8,only complains a little at the bottom of her belly1 your honour40--8,well1 she fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom1 ,i see80--8,no1 your honour1 she had gone down two steps before she fell40--8,indeed6 why then you have not brought me all her water40--8,no1 your honour1 there was a little the bottle would not hold40--8,why then1 sirrah1 the two stairs are left behind48----,this circumstance1 7of a thousand that might be quoted7 is sufficient to demonstrate the ridiculous credulity of the multitude in all matters of quackery1 and leaves us to lament1 that the ignorance of one class1 should become so wretched a prey to the deliberate villainy of another4 ,the long experience you have had1 in charging and posting your accompts1 under different masters of equal judgment and experience1 leaves little room for instruction under that head2 it may however not prove inapplicable to remind you1 it is no matter how incoherent or unintelligible the writing is1 provided your figures are bold and conspicuous2 so long as you can convince them how much they have to pay1 it is a total matter of indifference to you1 how much they have received4 ,there is one caution however exceedingly necessary to be advanced1 to prevent your becoming subject to a reproof given by the celebrated ,dean ,swift to his apothecary1 for presuming to be handsomely paid for the confidence of putting himself upon an equality with his superiors4 ,this is the impropriety of letting the word 0visits8 constitute a part of your charge1 instead of the more modest term of 0journeys18 or 0attendance48 ,the ,dean having been afflicted with a long and severe fit of illness1 requested1 soon after recovery1 the apothecary's bill2 which having perused1 and finding a sum total very much beyond his expectation1 he proceeded to dissection1 and perceiving almost every third article to announce the honour of a 0visit10 at five shillings each1 he satirically adopted the following plan to punish ,mr4 ,emetic1 for what the ,dean considered a piece of consummate assurance4--,having required his attendance to receive his demand1 he paid down a certain sum of money1 which the mortified apothecary continued to tell over1 and repeatedly compare with the figures denoting the sum total2 but still continuing to tell and compare1 without seeming to get at all nearer the point of satisfaction1 the ,dean1 in compassion to the confusion he visibly laboured under1 observed1 as he did not seem to be perfectly clear in his arrangement of the accompt1 he would set him right4--,if he would but deduct the amount of the 8visits0 from the sum total of his bill1 he would find it exactly right2 for being now pretty well recovered1 he intended paying him his 8visits0 again one at a time4 ,you will now naturally conclude every instruction that can be possibly necessary1 has been submitted to your consideration1 for the promotion of your prosperous and profitable career through the medical journey of life2 it is not so2 for although we have gone through the usual forms of sickness1 to either recovery or death1 there is still one remark necessary1 to the completion of consistency1 in your professional character4 ,it is a few observations1 in derision of that truly contemptible burlesque upon propriety1 in following the corps of your patient to the grave2 a folly originating in ignorance1 and established by custom2 a circumstance so truly ridiculous and farcical1 that it did not escape the penetration and sarcastic wit of our ,aristophanes of the present century1 who attacked it with the full force of his satire1 in the description given by a taylor1 in one of his celebrated comedies1 who says1 8as he was going home to a customer with a pair of breeches under his arm1 he perceived his neighbour ,gargle1 the apothecary1 following a corps to the grave1--so says he1 ,master ,gargle1 ,i see you are going home with your work too40 ,the justice of this remark renders the circumstance so truly ridiculous1 that it is a matter of admiration1 how any man of the most common understanding can ever submit to an indignity so truly laughable4 ,it certainly bears the appearance of your not being content with preying upon the property of the deceased1 during their last hours of sublunary affliction1 but you meanly pursue their very remains to the grave1 and obtain a paltry hatband and gloves1 at the expence of decency and discretion4 ,exclusive of this very striking obstacle1 there is one of equal weight in the scale of your professional reputation--it certainly can add none to the eminence of your character1 that the contents of the coffin was publickly known to be a subject of your skill and experimental practice4 ,you will certainly experience some difficulty in evading a compliance with many requests1 made to you for this purpose2 but ,i would recommend it to you to encounter displeasure1 rather than become the dupe of so great an absurdity4 ,to inculcate by example1 what ,i have strongly recommended in precept1 you may be assured1 that ,i have1 during my long practice1 retained so great an aversion to this inconsistency of character1 that ,i rendered myself totally incapable of compliance1 by never having in possession a suit of mourning2 this resource has always proved my never failing friend1 when no other apology would be accepted2 and by never seeming to recollect the want till a few hours before the funeral1 a written apology has always proved a respectable substitute1 to which there was no alternative4 ,having descended to the very minuti of a long1 extensive1 and successful practice1 to form your mind1 and regulate your manners in every professional transaction of your life1 ,i cannot doubt1 but rules so directly consonant to your personal interest and reputation1 will receive every assistance from your unerring consistency and perseverance1 conveying a perfect corroboration of the gratitude you feel1 for the intrinsic worth of so liberal and friendly a communication4 ,,to ,,the ,,chymists ,,and ,,druggists4 ,it will create no surprise that you bring up the rear of this medical exhibition1 when it is remembered that the most opulent1 eminent1 or respectable1 generally close every public procession4--,you are to the faculty1 what the hammerman is to the forge2 you are in fact the arterial reservoir1 from whose source flow the rich streams1 that feed the venal divisions in every branch of the profession1 whether in town or country4 ,to the fertility of your genius1 to the extent of your commerce1 to the enterprising spirit of your pecuniary embarkations1 the faculty are indebted for the great variety and striking novelties1 that render them so much the subjects of admiration4 ,you happily derive your affluence from dealing innocently around you the various instruments of death1 with an indifference that sufficiently exculpates you from the suspicion of murder1 even as accessaries before the fact4--,your constant1 and extensive inventions 7for the promotion of private emolument and public good7 rank you high in general estimation1 and you prudently recommend yourselves to the attention of the most learned1 by your very frequent and extraordinary discoveries4--,your advertisements 7with which almost every literary vehicle teems7 are alike calculated to excite wonder and approbation2 they seem to indicate proofs1 that you alone exceed the limits of human penetration1 and display a hope of perpetual existence1 by setting mortality at defiance2 like a groupe of desperate hazard players1 you are 8at all in the ring10 and with a degree of emulative opposition to each other1 produce from your alembics--bolt heads1 and balneum arens1 antidotes to every ill3 the only ray of consolation to the less learned is1 that death 7often an unexpected visitor7 opens the eyes of the world to the arts of your deception1 and you slide into the grave with the calm and unobserved obscurity of your neighbours4 ,the wonderful extent of your fertile abilities are constantly conveyed to public attention1 through the pompous medium of 8,letters ,patent0 and 8,royal ,authority10 that are at length become 7from the higher arts7 the fashionable introduction to a breeches ball2 a tincture for the tooth ach2 a blacking cake1 or a gamboge horse ball4 ,while ,i lament this degradation1 this prostitution of patronage1 to such trifling1 such contemptible efforts of sterility1 ,i cannot but consider how gratefully1 how extensively1 you are bound to a credulous and indulgent public1 who implicitly sanction with their patronage1 every production of genius or dullness1 whether in a philosophic taper1 a concentrated acid of vinegar1 or a salt of lemons2 they are undoubtedly discoveries of immense magnitude to the public at large2 and experience has sufficiently proved1 that so much patriotic virtue should meet its own reward4 ,notwithstanding the superiority and extent of your knowledge1 so visibly displayed in the sublimity of your frequent experiments1 that have raised you to such a great degree of professional eminence1 there may yet be some profitable principles of practice1 inculcated by a long and studious observer1 that will evidently add to your emoluments1 if not to the encrease of your reputations4 ,your peculiar modesty may have prevented your attaining the utmost perfection of your art1 and left you strangers to the very great and undiscovered advantages1 that the privileges of your profession so singularly entitle you to2 for though you may hitherto have reconciled yourselves to a paltry mechanical profit of thirty-five or forty per cent4 what law forbids you making the 8most of your market10 and enhancing those profits to such state1 as may best accord with your idea and gratification of city eminence--rural ease--external appearance1 and domestic hospitality8 ,to insure these comforts to a certainty1 accept such instructions1 7as closely adhered to7 will inevitably produce the purposes for which they are introduced4 ,hitherto1 a stranger to the happy effects of necessary adulteration1 it may not be inapplicable to say a few words upon its numerous advantages2 first1 at your embarkation1 you should adopt it as the ultimatum of all your professional views1 and render it as subservient to your wishes1 as the lover's invariable observance of 8persevere and conquer10 is to his4 ,adulteration has many pleasing advantages annexed to its practice2 by the applicable introduction of an harmless ingredient1 you may reduce the dangerous property of a drastic purgative1 and render a powerful poison less destructive2 by such acts you will enjoy the inexpressible consolation of hourly contributing to the safety of your fellow-creatures1 in exertions of humanity1 that will do you the greatest honour4 ,the prelude to the ,pharmacopia1 sufficiently informs you1 the ,college of ,wigs are empowered by royal sanction to invent1 or constitute forms1 and the cabinet to enforce them2 but your superior knowledge sets such arbitrary dictation at defiance1 and your practical arts will ever supersede their theoretical penetration4 ,let them happily enjoy the power to alter names1 and improve forms of all the compositions in that laughable farrago1 their new dispensatory2 they have the province to direct1 and you have the pleasure to evade2 obeying their injunctions no farther than is strictly consistent with your own interest and convenience4 ,to assist the aptitude of your fertility1 let me introduce to your attention 7as specimens of what may be done7 some few of the advantageous alterations that may be made in medicinal composition1 to promote your certain emolument1 without arraigning your integrity4 ,in that expensive preparation confectio cardiaca 7newly named by college sagacity confectio aromatica7 opportunity offers to display a part of your privilege in substituting the use of saffron paper1 which will impart to the composition the rich colour of the original crocus2 for those other high priced articles cardamoms1 cinnamon1 nutmegs1 and cloves1 applicable and proportional quantities of those cheaper 7and equally efficacious7 cordials and carminatives1 ginger1 grains of paradise1 or any of the inferior spices may be added4 ,in large preparations of the electarium lenitivum1 an introduction of the pulp of prunes for the pulp of cassia1 will save much additional expence and trouble4--,in the syrupus e spina cervina1 treacle is certainly preferable to the finest lump sugar1 with this advantage1 that the predominant nausea will prevent the discovery4 ,experience will convince you that spiritus c4 c4 7per se7 obtained by distillation from the accumulated stale urine of a parish workhouse1 or the bones of animals1 will be by far preferable to that drawn from the purest cornu cervi2 as are the rasura c4 c4 from the shank bones of horses1 or cows1 preferable to all other4--,sp4 terebinthin 7carefully and proportionally incorporated7 becomes an admirable associate with the ol4 juniperi4--,ol4 amygdalinum 7and many other articles blended secundum artem7 form an excellent combination with1 and increase the stock of ol4 anisi verum4--,genuine gum guaiacum--galbanum--storax1 and bals4 tolutanum1 may undergo the process of purification much better1 if impregnated with the occasional assistance of either the resina nigra1 or flava4--,the various unguents will derive advantage from the salutary introduction of auxungi porcinc1 as a substitute for those more expensive and unnecessary articles cera flava and ol4 olivarum4 ,pulv4 anisi verum will be much more easily reduced from the cakes1 after the seed has been expressed1 the oil obtained1 and their medical virtue entirely extracted2 it is an article only in use for horses and cows2 whether they are killed or cured1 is an object not worthy your consideration4 ,liquorice1 fenugreek1 diapente1 turmeric1 and elecampane1 are to receive their basis from horse beans ground 7at the medical mills7 exceedingly fine1 and to be impregnated properly with the different articles from which they derive their names1 so as to retain each their predominant effluvia2 and as these are articles in use for cattle only1 you will give proof of your humanity1 by drenching them with food instead of physic4 ,the species hiera will be much more certain in its effects1 if prepared with the ,barbadoes1 instead of the ,succotrine aloes2 and the true ,dutch biscuit powder1 will form no unprofitable union with the powder of ,salop4 ,in fact1 innumerable instances of professional skill and conomy might be introduced1 extending instructions to a much greater length than originally intended2 protracting the explanatory parts beyond the limits of utility1 an accusation it has been my principal care to avoid4 ,it may perhaps be almost unnecessary to remind you1 how absolutely needful it will be1 to reduce to impalpable pulverization and complicated forms1 all inferior and damaged drugs of every denomination2 in powders1 tinctures1 electuaries1 and other preparations1 their defects will not be perceptible1 and it will prove matter of no small gratification to you1 that many practitioners are very inferior judges of the compositions they constantly prescribe2 to these may be added the still greater number1 that never condescend to undergo the task of inspection1 forming together a major part of the very numerous and respectable body ,i have undertaken to instruct4--,if you are a dispenser of chemicals and galenicals by retail1 one additional observation will prove worthy your attention--never let your shop1 or dispensary1 get into disrepute by too much modesty1 in saying you are without the most obsolete or ridiculous article that can be enquired for2 if oil of swallows1 oil of bricks1 lobsters' blood1 or milk of lilies1 should be the objects in request1 let the fertility of your invention instantly furnish a substitute for either2 of these1 such a great variety are always to be found1 the least enumeration becomes unnecessary4 ,the series of instructions advanced for the promotion of professional interest1 have been promulgated without a fear of offence1 or hope of reward2 amidst the very great number of different practitioners1 into whose hands these admonitions must inevitably fall1 happy he who can exultingly exclaim1 8,let the gall'd jade wince1 our withers are unwrung40 ,from the physician1 who lingers out a life of studious suspense1 and derives a scanty subsistence from the alternate labour of morning visits and evening lectures--from that dignified 8member of the corporation10 whole mercurial abilities are thrust into the hand of every dirty passenger1 in the more dirty avenues of the metropolis--from that industrious accoucher1 whose incessant nocturnal labour renders him1 in common life1 little superior to the nightman1 and that equal drudge the metropolitan pharmacopolist1 ,i can have little to expect but universal denunciation of vengeance1 and threats of malevolence3 to the effect of these1 ,i oppose the stability of truth1 that will render me invulnerable to all their attacks4 ,a steady observance of the iniquity of medical practice has long since powerfully convinced me of the absolute necessity of professional reformation1 and should ,i 7by arming the public with a weapon of self-defence7 succeed in producing a change in the systematic imposition of one1 and preventing perpetual depredation upon the other1 every idea of personal ambition will be fully gratified1 for 8,so little slave to what the world calls fame2 ,as dies my body--so ,i wish my name40 ,but this obscurity in the present instance is much more anxiously to be hoped than expected1 for there cannot be the least doubt entertained but some one of his ,majesty's ministers 7who are ever anxious for the public good and increase of revenue7 will1 through the medium of the publisher1 discover the joint secret of name and residence1 that by placing the author in the ,,treasury1 ,,customs1 or some office equally lucrative1 they may avail themselves of his ,,integrity1 not hesitating a moment to believe1 that so just an investigator of professional impositions upon individuals1 must unavoidably render the ,,state adequate service1 in the discovery of official depredations upon the ,,public4 ,,finis4 ,,books lately published by ,g4 ,,kearsley1 ,at ,,doctor ,,johnson's ,,head1 ,no4 #df1 ,,fleet-,,street1 ,,london4 ,where all ,,new ,,publications may be had on the shortest ,notice4 ,a ,,tour through ,,holland1 ,,dutch ,,brabant1 the ,,austrian ,,netherlands1 and ,part of ,,france3 ,in which is included a ,description of ,paris and its ,environs4 ,by the late ,,harry ,,peckham1 ,esq4 ,one of his ,majesty's ,counsel1 and ,recorder of the ,city of ,chichester4 ,price #cs4 #f;d4 half bound1 with a ,map of the ,low ,countries4 ,of ,kearsley may also be had1 in ,pocket ,volumes1 together or separate1 ,the ,,tour of ,,france1 with two ,maps1 price #cs4 #f;d4 ,,tour of ,,italy1 with a ,map1 #ds4 #f;d4 ,,tour of ,,switzerland1 including ,m4 ,de ,,saussure's ,account of his ,expedition to the ,summit of ,,mont ,,blanc1 with a ,map1 #bs4 #f;d4 ,each of these ,,tours contains all the ,information that can be useful to ,,travellers and entertaining to ,,readers2 among which are the ,expences upon the ,road1 regulated by the ,mode of travelling2 the best ,hotels1 ,inns1 and ,lodgings1 are accurately reported2 also the ,distances between the ,towns2 curious ,collections and public ,buildings4 ,to which is added1 ,an ,account of the ,coins of each ,country1 the ,customs and ,manners of the ,inhabitants1 c4 c4 ,the following entertaining ,collection was compiled by a ,person of distinguished ,abilities1 for the ,use of young ,people1 and as a ,guide to the curious ,traveller who intends to visit these ,regions1 which contain so many ,wonders of ,,art and ,,nature4 ,a ,description of ,,sicily and ,,malta1 ,with an ,account of the late ,earthquake at ,messina2 the ,eruptions of ,mount ,etna2 the ,destruction of ,hybla2 the present ,state of ,palmyra2 the ,customs and ,manners of the ,sicilians2 their ,marriages1 ,carriages1 c4 ,account of ,syracuse1 and the ,knights of ,malta2 with a great ,variety of curious and singular ,descriptions1 extracted from the ,travels of ,brydone1 ,swinburn1 ,sir ,william ,hamilton1 and other respectable ,writers4 ,price ,three ,shillings and ,sixpence bound4 ,the ,,flowers of ,,modern ,,travels4 ,being elegant1 entertaining1 and instructive ,extracts1 selected from the ,works of the most celebrated ,travellers2 such as1 ,lord ,lyttelton1 ,sir ,w4 ,hamilton1 ,baron de ,tott1 ,dr4 ,johnson1 ,dr4 ,moore1 ,dr4 ,troil1 ,addison1 ,brydone1 ,coxe1 ,wraxall1 ,savary1 ,topham1 ,sherlock1 ,douglas1 ,lady ,m4 ,w4 ,montague1 c4 c4 c4--,intended chiefly for young ,people of both ,sexes4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,john ,,adams1 ,a4 ,m4 ,here you may range the world from pole to pole1 ,increase your knowledge1 and delight your soul2 ,travel all nations1 and inform your sense1 ,with ease and safety1 at a small expence4 ,,anon4 ,two ,vols4 ,price ,six ,shillings sewed4 ,the ,,flowers of ,,ancient and ,,modern ,,history4 ,comprehending1 on a new ,plan1 the most remarkable and interesting ,events1 as well as ancient and modern ,characters2 designed for the ,improvement and ,entertainment of ,youth4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,john ,,adams1 ,a4 ,m4 ,omne tulit punctum1 qui miscuit utile dulci4 ,,hor4 ,two ,volumes1 ,price ,six ,shillings sewed4 ,either ,volume may be had separate4 ,,recreation for ,,youth4 ,an useful and entertaining ,,epitome of ,,geography and ,,biography4 ,the first ,part comprising a general ,view of the several ,empires1 ,kingdoms1 ,republics1 ,states1 remarkable ,islands1 ,mountains1 ,seas1 ,rivers1 and ,lakes1 with their ,situation1 ,extent1 ,capitals1 ,population1 ,produce1 ,arts1 ,religion1 and ,commerce4 ,including the ,discoveries of ,captain ,cook and others4 ,the second ,part including the ,,lives of the most eminent ,,men who have flourished in ,great ,britain and its ,dependencies4 ,by ,,john ,,paterson ,,service4 ,price ,three ,shillings and ,sixpence bound4 ,with five new ,plates1 from the ,designs of ,mr4 ,nixon1 ,the ,tenth ,edition of that pleasing ,selection1 ,the ,,beauties of ,,sterne4 ,calculated for the ,heart of ,sensibility4 ,this ,volume contains a ,selection of ,mr4 ,sterne's ,familiar ,letters1 the ,story of ,le ,fevre and ,uncle ,toby1 ,maria1 ,shandy's ,bed of ,justice1 ,yorick's ,horse1 ,corporal ,trim's ,brother1 the ,dwarf1 the ,pulse1 the ,pye-man1 the ,sword1 the ,supper1 the ,starling1 the ,ass1 ,dr4 ,slop and ,obadiah1 ,dr4 ,slop and ,susan1 c4 ,also several of his most celebrated ,sermons and elegant ,sentiments4 ,price ,three ,shillings and ,sixpence sewed4 ,illustrated by a great ,number of ,plates1 which include above ,one ,thousand ,examples1 ,the ,sixth ,edition1 including a ,variety of ,additions and ,improvements1 both in the ,plates and ,letter-press1 ,a ,short and ,easy ,,introduction to ,,heraldry1 in ,two ,parts4 ,part ,i4 ,the ,use of ,arms and ,armory1 ,rules of ,blazon and ,marshalling ,coats of ,armour1 with engraved ,tables upon a new ,plan1 for the ,instruction of those who wish to learn the ,science4 ,part ,,ii4 ,a ,dictionary of ,heraldry1 with an ,alphabetical ,list of the ,terms in ,english1 ,french1 and ,latin2 also the different ,degrees of the ,nobility and ,gentry of ,england1 with ,tables of ,precedency4 ,the whole compiled from the most approved ,authorities4 ,by ,,hugh ,,clark and ,,thomas ,,wormull4 ,price ,four ,shillings in boards4 ,the ,,poems of ,mr4 ,,gray4 ,with ,notes by ,gilbert ,wakefield1 ,b4 ,a4 late ,fellow of ,jesus ,college1 ,cambridge4 ,ingenium cui fit1 cui mens divinior1 atque os ,magna sonaturum1 des nominis hujus honorem4 ,,horat4 ,creative ,genius2 and the glow divine1 ,that warms and melts the enthusiastic soul2 ,a pomp and prodigality of phrase3 ,these form the poet1 and these shine in thee6 ,the ,,poetical ,,works of ,,david ,,garrick1 ,esq42 ,now first collected with ,explanatory ,notes1 ,with a complete ,list of his ,works1 and the different ,characters he performed1 arranged in ,chronological ,order2 also a short ,account of his ,life1 and the ,monody on his ,death1 written by ,mr4 ,sheridan1 and spoken by ,mrs4 ,yates1 of ,drury ,lane ,theatre4 ,in ,two ,volumes1 price ,seven ,shillings4 ,the ,,poetical ,,works of ,,samuel ,,johnson1 ,,ll4 ,d4 ,containing1 ,london1 a ,satire1 and the ,vanity of ,human ,wishes1 both imitated from ,,juvenal2 ,irene1 a ,tragedy2 the ,winter's ,walk2 ,stella in ,mourning2 the ,midsummer's ,wish2 an ,evening ,ode to ,stella2 ,vanity of ,wealth2 the ,natural ,beauty2 ,translation of ,pope's ,messiah1 and sundry other ,pieces4 ,price ,two ,shillings and ,sixpence4 ,on a new ,set of ,plates1 brought down to the present ,time1 ,price #as4 #f;d4 ,,kearsley's ,arms of the ,peers and ,peeresses of ,england1 ,scotland1 and ,ireland1 neatly ,engraved1 with an ,english ,translation of the ,mottos4 ,they may likewise be had bound with the annual ,court ,calendar4 ,a new ,edition1 including the ,,bench of ,,bishops1 7,which was originally intended for a separate ,work7 ,the ,,heraldry of ,,nature2 or ,,temporary ,,arms4 ,adapted to the present ,house of ,peers1 and emblematical of each of the ,lord's present hobby horses1 either in the fashionable and dissipated pursuits of pleasure1 or the more confined ,walks of business2 including their domestic amusements and connections1 with upwards of ,eighty ,examples1 neatly ,etched1 by an eminent ,engraver4 8,this is a new and excellent method of delineating ,characters1 and saying more in the compass of a ,shilling1 than can generally be conveyed by mere words in a whole ,sheet6 ,how the present ,house of ,peers will approve of these new ,armorial ,bearings1 which are drawn in the true ,,hogarthian ,stile1 with great ,humour1 and no small degree of ,satire1 is not for us to determine2 we must however acknowledge1 in ,justice to the ,author1 the ,examination of these whimsical ,arms has afforded us great ,entertainment40 ,vide ,review for ,november4 ,a cheap and correct ,edition of the ,works of ,,george ,,alexander ,,stevens1 ,containing a complete ,collection of his ,,songs1 ,printed verbatim from his last ,corrections2 also his celebrated ,lecture upon ,heads1 as delivered originally by himself1 with ,additions1 as spoken by ,mr4 ,lee ,lewes1 at the ,theatre ,royal1 in ,covent-,garden1 and the ,royalty-,theatre4 ,to which is added1 an ,essay on ,satire1 by ,mr4 ,pilon4 ,there are spurious and incorrect ,editions of ,stevens's ,works in ,circulation1 against which it is necessary to ,caution the ,public4 ,the ,songs may be had separate1 ,price ,one ,shilling and ,sixpence1 and the ,lecture on ,heads1 price ,one ,shilling1 or bound together1 ,three ,shillings4 ,,elegant ,,orations1 ,ancient and ,modern1 for the ,use of ,schools1 originally compiled for his own ,pupils2 ,by the ,rev4 ,j4 ,,mossop1 ,a4 ,m4 ,master of the ,boarding ,school at ,brighthelmstone4 8,patri sit idoneus40 ,,juv4 ,price ,three ,shillings and ,sixpence bound4 ,the ,,fourth ,,edition1 much enlarged1 7,ornamented with a considerable ,number of new ,plates1 containing several ,views in the newly discovered ,islands1 sundry ,animals1 an exact ,representation of an ,human ,sacrifice1 ,captain ,cook's ,head from ,pingo's ,medal1 and a ,chart of the new ,discoveries with the ,tracks of the ,ships7 ,in ,two ,volumes1 ,an accurate ,,abridgement of ,,captain ,,cook's ,,voyage round the ,,world2 containing a faithful ,account of all the ,discoveries1 with the ,transactions at each ,place1 a ,description of the ,inhabitants with their ,manners and ,customs1 a full ,detail of the ,circumstances relative to ,capt4 ,cook's ,death1 and an ,account of his ,life by ,capt4 ,king4 ,those who superintend the ,education of ,youth of either ,sex cannot put into their ,hands a more acceptable ,work1 for the ,amusement of leisure ,hours1 than these late ,voyages of ,discovery1 which abound with ,matter highly interesting and entertaining4 ,price ,eight ,shillings in boards4 ,either ,volume may be had separate1 ,price ,four ,shillings4 ,ornamented with ,plates1 and improved by a considerable ,number of the most admired ,scenes in ,othello1 ,romeo and ,juliet1 ,lear1 ,julius ,csar1 ,macbeth1 ,timon of ,athens1 ,henry the ,fourth1 ,fifth1 ,sixth1 and ,eighth1 ,richard the ,third1 ,hamlet1 c4 c4 which was never attempted in any former ,selection of this great ,bard4 ,with his ,,life1 and a ,medallion of his ,profile and ,,garrick',s1 in ,shade1 ,the ,,beauties of ,,shakespeare1 ,alphabetically digested1 with a copious ,index4 ,price ,three ,shillings sewed4 ,a new ,edition1 being the ,,seventh1 of ,the ,,beauties of ,dr4 ,,samuel ,,johnson1 ,consisting of ,maxims and ,observations1 ,moral1 ,critical and ,miscellaneous4 ,to which are now added1 ,,biographical ,,anecdotes1 selected from the late ,productions of ,mrs4 ,piozzi1 ,mr4 ,boswell1 and other authentic ,testimonies4 ,this ,edition is embellished with an ,etching of the ,head of ,dr4 ,johnson1 taken from the ,life about two ,months before his last ,illness4 ,price only ,three ,shillings and ,sixpence sewed4 ,the following ,collection has frequently enlivened the brilliant ,circles at ,st4 ,james's1 ,buckingham ,house1 and ,windsor4 ,the ,birth of the ,rose1 the ,geranium1 the ,pastime of ,venus1 the ,devil's ,tail1 the ,kiss of ,lydia1 ,life's a ,joke1 and several other celebrated ,poems are now added1 which were formerly handed about only in ,manuscript4 ,the ,,festival of ,,wit2 selected by ,g---- ,k----1 ,summer ,resident at ,windsor2 and carefully copied from the ,common-place ,book1 with the ,names of the ,parties who introduced them to the ,r---- ,e----4 8,this is1 beyond all ,comparison1 the best ,collection of good ,things we ever read2 it is not a delicate ,morceau for the polite ,circles only1 it must suit the ,taste of every ,man1 who loves cheerful ,conversation and ,attic ,wit4 ,were we to bestow on it as much praise as it really merits1 we should cover more paper than we can spare40 ,review for ,september4 ,price ,three ,shillings sewed4 ,,advice ,,to ,,the ,,officers ,,of ,,the ,,british ,,army4 ,with the ,addition of some ,,hints to the ,,drummer and ,,private ,,soldier4 ,ridiculum acri ,fortius et melius plerumque secat res4 ,safe from the ,bar1 the ,pulpit1 and the ,throne1 ,yet touch'd and mov'd by ,ridicule alone4 ,the ,,eighth ,,edition4 ,to which is now added1 some ,advice to the ,officers of the ,ordnance1 and the ,secretary at ,war4 ,price ,half-a-,crown4 ,a new ,passage discovered without the use of a ,compass1 or ,quadrant6 ,with considerable additions1 particularly an account of two new ,voyages1 one of them through the ,center of ,mount ,etna and the ,globe1 to the ,south ,sea4 ,the other to the ,island of ,ceylon4 ,also a new ,frontispiece1 representing the ,baron's triumph over a ,lion and a ,crocodile1 who both attacked him at once4 ,the ,fifth ,edition4 ,,baron ,,munchauson's ,,travels and ,,adventures in ,russia1 ,iceland1 ,turkey1 ,egypt1 ,gibraltar1 the ,mediterranean1 ,atlantic ,ocean1 and through a subterraneous ,passage into the ,caspian ,sea4 ,upon the ,continent1 these ,travels are more read1 particularly in ,france1 ,germany1 and ,holland1 where the ,author is well known1 than any production that has appeared for some years4 ,this ,fifth ,edition1 exclusive of the above improvements1 is embellished with nineteen plates1 whereas the ,french has but six2 the ,baron's ,adventures at ,gibraltar are prohibited in the ,french and ,dutch editions1 but given in full length in this ,english impression4 ,price ,half-a-,crown sewed4 ,the ,rapidity of the ,sale of the first and second ,editions of the following ,book1 may be fairly considered as ,proofs of its merit4 ,all the ,prescriptions are the ,result of many years successful ,practice4 ,,the ,,gentleman's ,,stable ,,directory2 ,or1 ,,modern ,,system ,,of ,,farriery4 ,comprehending the present improved ,mode of ,practice1 containing all the most valuable ,prescriptions and approved ,remedies1 accurately proportioned and properly adapted to every known disease to which the ,horse is incident4 ,interspersed with occasional ,remarks upon the dangerous and almost obsolete ,practice of ,gibson1 ,bracken1 ,bartlet1 and others4 ,including ,directions for ,feeding1 ,bleeding1 ,purging1 and getting into ,condition for the ,chase4 ,inscribed to ,sir ,,john ,,lade1 ,bart4 ,by ,,william ,,taplin1 ,surgeon4 ,the ,,third ,edition1 ,price ,five ,shillings4 ,in ,four ,volumes1 ,price ,twelve ,shillings1 ,the ,,beauties of the ,,spectator1 ,,tatler1 ,,guardian1 ,,rambler1 ,,adventurer1 ,,connoisseur1 ,,world1 and ,,idler4 ,to accommodate the ,purchasers of these entertaining ,volumes1 they are sold together1 or in the following manner3 ,the ,selections from the ,,spectator1 ,,tatler1 and ,,guardian are comprised in the two first ,volumes1 and sold separate for ,six ,shillings4 ,the third and fourth ,volumes contain those from the ,,rambler1 ,,connoisseur1 ,,adventurer1 ,,world and ,,idler1 and are sold separate for ,six ,shillings1 also1 or the ,four ,volumes for ,twelve ,shillings1 complete4 ,the ,,british ,,chronologist4 ,comprehending every material ,occurrence relating to ,,great ,,britain1 from the ,invasion of the ,,romans to the present time2 with the ,prices of the various ,articles of ,provision at different periods4 ,also1 a complete ,,index4 ,in ,three large ,octavo ,volumes4 ,price ,one ,guinea bound4 ,written from many ,years ,experience2 not borrowed from other ,productions1 as is generally the case with ,books upon this ,subject1 ,ornamented with a neat ,frontispiece1 from an original ,drawing1 ,the ,,gentleman ,,angler4 ,containing plain ,,instructions1 by which a ,beginner may in a short time become a perfect ,artist in ,angling for all kinds of ,,fish4 ,with several ,observations on ,,rods and ,,artificial ,,flies4 ,also the ,method of chusing the best ,,hair and ,,indian ,,grass2 of the proper ,times and ,seasons for ,,river and ,,pond ,,fishing2 when ,,fish ,,spawn2 and what ,,baits are chiefly to be used4 ,with an ,,appendix1 ,containing the ,art of ,rock and ,sea ,fishing2 and an ,alphabetical ,explanation of the ,technical ,words used in the ,art of ,angling4 ,by a ,,gentleman who has made it his ,diversion upwards of ,fourteen ,years4 ,price ,one ,shilling and ,sixpence4 ,an ,,authentic ,,narrative of the ,treatment of the ,english1 who were taken ,prisoners on the ,reduction of ,bednore1 by ,,tippoo ,,saib2 from the #bhth of ,april #aghc1 the ,day of ,capitulation1 to their ,enlargement on the #beth of ,april #aghd4 ,by ,captain ,,henry ,,oakes4 ,a ,new ,edition4 ,,seventeen ,,thousand per ,annum1 exclusive of ,,plate1 ,,jewels1 and other ,property1 to a considerable ,amount1 restored to the ,plaintiff by the ,verdict of a ,jury in the ,,court ,,of ,,common ,,pleas1 and since confirmed by the ,,court ,,of ,,chancery4 ,,countess ,,of ,,strathmore ,,and ,,andrew ,,robinson ,,bowes1 ,,esq4 ,an accurate ,report of the ,,trial in the above ,cause1 before the ,,right ,,honourable ,,lord ,,loughborough1 in the ,,court of ,,common ,,pleas1 on ,monday the #aith of ,may1 on an ,issue directed out of the ,,high ,,court of ,,chancery4 ,taken in ,short ,hand4 ,this ,trial contains a full ,account of the ,,duel fought in the ,adelphi ,tavern1 in ,april1 #aggg1 between the ,rev4 ,,henry ,,bate and ,mr4 ,,bowes4 ,the ,courtship and ,marriage of ,mr4 ,,bowes and ,lady ,,strathmore4 ,account of a ,deed executed by ,lady ,strathmore prior to her ,marriage with ,mr4 ,bowes1 when she had consented to marry ,mr4 ,,gray4 ,also the ,means used by ,mr4 ,bowes to procure a ,revocation of that ,deed1 which is now by this ,trial restored to her ,ladyship4 ,to which is added a ,sketch of her ,ladyship's ,conduct before and after her ,marriage1--with many curious ,anecdotes respecting the principal ,parties1 the ,witnesses1 c4 ,the ,,third ,,edition1 ,price ,two ,shillings4 ,the ,,works of ,,alexander ,,pope1 ,,esq4 ,in ,six ,volumes4 ,price ,eighteen ,shillings4 ,,johnson's ,,dictionary1 ,in ,quarto4 ,price ,two ,guineas4 ,ditto1 in ,octavo1 ,nine ,shillings4 ,,rapin',s ,,history of ,,england1 ,with ,,tindal's ,continuation4 ,in ,twenty-one ,volumes ,octavo4 ,price ,six ,guineas4 ,the ,,biographical ,,dictionary4 ,containing the ,lives of ,eminent ,men in various ,parts of ,europe4 ,in ,twelve ,volumes ,octavo1 ,price ,four ,pounds ,four ,shillings4 ,the ,,virtuosi's ,,museum4 ,a ,collection of ,elegant ,views1 ,engraved from the ,drawings of ,,paul ,,sandby1 ,esq4 ,price ,five ,pounds ,eight ,shillings4 ,,supplement to the ,,tour through ,,great ,,britain1 ,by the late ,mr4 ,,gray1 ,author of the ,elegy in a ,country ,church ,yard1 c4 ,price ,two ,shillings4 ,addressed principally to ,magistrates and ,lawyers4 ,a new ,edition1 ,corrected and ,enlarged1 of ,a ,,compendious ,,digest of the ,,statute ,,law1 comprising the ,substance and ,effect of all the ,public ,acts of ,parliament1 in force from ,magna ,charta to the twenty-seventh ,year of his present ,majesty1 inclusive4 ,by ,,thomas ,,walter ,,williams1 of the ,inner ,temple1 ,barrister at ,law4 ,to the ,gentlemen of the ,law4 ,on ,saturday the #hth ,day of ,november1 #aghh1 will be published in ,octavo1 ,price ,one ,shilling1 to be continued ,weekly until the whole ,work is compleated1 in ,four ,volumes1 ,number ,i4 of ,,original ,,precedents in ,,conveyancing1 ,settled and approved by the ,,most ,,eminent ,,conveyancers1 interspersed with the ,observations and ,opinions of ,counsel upon various intricate ,cases4 ,the whole selected from the ,drafts of actual ,practice1 and now first published under the ,direction and immediate ,inspection of ,,thomas ,,walter ,,williams1 of the ,inner ,temple1 ,barrister at ,law4 ,,conditions4 ,i4 ,this ,work will be comprized in ,four ,volumes ,octavo4 ,,ii4 ,it will be published in ,weekly ,numbers till compleated1 price ,one ,shilling each4 ,,iii4 ,the whole will not exceed ,twenty-four ,numbers4 ,,iv4 ,the first ,number will be published on ,saturday ,november the #hth1 being the first ,week in ,michaelmas ,term4 ,v4 ,the money will be received for each ,number when delivered4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes ,obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected4 ,all other spelling and punctuation remains unchanged with the exception of the following substitutions3 lest for least lest you make ,mr4 ,emetic1 the apothecary1 your formidable enemy lest that part of your patients1 who condescend to visit you emerged for immerged you recently emerged from the obscurity ,surrey for ,surry ,in an excursion to ,surrey1 duchess for dutchess from the bedchamber of a duchess dowager ,italics are represented thus italic4