,transcriber's ,notes3 ,text enclosed by underscores is in italics 7italics74 ,the ,table of ,contents was created by the transcriber and placed in the public domain4 ,the cover for this book contains substantial text1 and this text has been included in digital form with a simplified format4 ,the cover contains a list labeled 8,,contents302 however1 this is a partial list of topics covered in the book rather than a ,table of ,contents4 ,additional ,transcriber's ,notes are at the end4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,table ,,of ,,contents ,page ,,don',t ,,marry4 #c ,,romantic ,,marriages4 #gi ,,unromantic ,,marriages4 #aja 99 99 99 99 99 ,,don',t ,,marry2 ,,or1 ,,advice ,,as ,,to ,how1 ,when and ,who to ,marry4 ,,contents3 ,don't ,marry for ,beauty ,alone4 ,don't ,marry for ,money4 ,don't ,marry a ,very ,small ,man4 ,don't ,marry too ,young4 ,don't ,marry a ,coquette4 ,don't ,elope to ,marry4 ,don't ,dally ,about ,proposing4 ,don't ,marry a ,drunkard4 ,don't ,marry a ,spendthrift4 ,don't ,marry a ,miser4 ,don't ,marry ,far ,apart in ,ages4 ,don't ,marry too ,old4 ,don't ,marry ,odd ,sizes4 ,don't ,marry a ,clown4 ,don't ,marry a ,dude4 ,don't ,marry ,from ,pity4 ,don't ,marry for an ,ideal ,marriage4 ,don't ,break a ,marriage ,promise4 ,don't ,marry for ,spite4 ,don't ,mitten a ,mechanic4 ,don't ,marry a ,man too ,poor4 ,don't ,marry a ,crank4 ,don't ,marry ,fine ,feathers4 ,don't ,marry ,without ,love4 ,don't ,marry a ,stingy ,man4 ,don't ,marry too ,hastily4 ,don't be too ,slow ,about ,it4 ,don't ,marry a ,silly ,girl4 ,don't ,expect too ,much in ,marriage4 ,don't ,marry a ,fop4 ,don't ,marry in ,fun4 ,don't ,spurn a ,man for ,his ,poverty4 ,don't ,marry ,recklessly4 ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie1 ,,publisher1 #eg ,,rose ,,street1 ,,new ,,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,twenty-,,five ,,sermons --,,on-- ,the ,holy ,land4 --,,by-- ,,rev4 ,t4 ,,de ,,witt ,,talmage1 ,d4,d4 ,no ,series of ,sermons ever delivered by this famous preacher has created such a widespread and intense interest as this4 ,these ,sermons describe with vivid interest the scenes1 incidents and many various experiences met with in the ,holy ,land1 the land in which people are now more interested than ever before4 ,among the hundreds of thousands of people who have read the utterances of this wonderfully successful preacher there are none but will be glad to have this book4 ,read the following ,,table ,,of ,,contents4 #a4 ,eve of ,departure--#b4 ,i ,must also ,see ,rome--#c4 ,a ,mediterranean ,voyage--#d4 ,paul's ,mission in ,athens--#e4 ,life and ,death of ,dorcas--#f4 ,the ,glory of ,solomon's ,reign--#g4 ,peace1 ,be ,still--#h4 ,the ,marriage ,feast--#i4 ,christmas ,eve in the ,holy ,land--#aj4 ,the ,joyful ,surprise--#aa4 ,how a ,king's ,life was ,saved--#ab4 ,the ,philippian ,earthquake--#ac4 ,what is in a ,name8--#ad4 ,the ,half was not ,told ,me--#ae4 ,i ,went ,up to ,jerusalem--#af4 ,on the ,housetop in ,jerusalem--#ag4 ,the ,journey to ,jericho--#ah4 ,he ,toucheth the ,hills and ,they ,smoke--#ai4 ,solomon in all ,his ,glory--#bj4 ,the ,journey to ,bethel--#ba4 ,incidents in ,palestine--#bb4 ,among the ,holy ,hills--#bc4 ,our ,sail on ,lake ,galilee--#bd4 ,on to ,damascus--#be4 ,across ,mount ,lebanon4 ,it contains #cbj pages in paper cover1 and will be sent by mail1 postpaid1 to any address on receipt of #be cents4 ,bound in ,cloth1 #a4ej2 ,half ,russia1 #b4jj4 ,agents wanted4 ,address all orders to ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie1 ,publisher1 #eg ,rose ,street1 ,new ,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,for ,,editor',s ,,use4 ,we desire to call your attention to this book1 and ask that you give it a careful review and criticism4 ,please send paper containing notice to ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie1 ,,publisher1 #eg ,,rose ,,street1 ,,new ,,york4 ,,price1 #be ,,cents4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,don',t ,,marry2 ,,or1 ,,advice ,,as ,,to ,,how1 ,,when ,,and ,,who ,,to ,,marry4 ,by ,,hildreth4 8444 ,the tale that ,i relate ,this lesson seems to carry1-- ,choose not alone a proper mate1 ,but proper time to marry40 ,,the ,,sunnyside ,,series1 ,no4 #ci4 ,issued ,monthly4 ,october1 #ahia4 ,extra4 #c4jj per year4 ,entered at ,new ,york ,post-,office as second-class matter4 ,copyright1 #ahij1 by ,j4 ,s4 ,ogilvie4 ,,new ,,york3 ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie1 ,,publisher #eg ,,rose ,,street4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,science ,,of ,a ,,new ,,life4 ,a ,,book ,,especially ,,adapted ,to ,all ,who ,are ,married ,or who ,contemplate taking this ,important ,step4 #af page descriptive ,circular sent free to any address by ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie ,rose ,street1 ,new ,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,don',t ,,marry4 ,,by ,,hildreth4 ,it is not intended to advise against marriage1 nor to draw the line too closely as to the don't-marry class1 but simply to hint at the errors of some persons who match badly on so long a contract4 ,the 8yes or no0 question is the vital one for all young people to answer4 ,some answer too soon1 others wait too long1 others never reach such a climax of happiness as to be invited by an eligible partner4 ,the genius of selection is the rarest of faculties4 ,what most puzzles the will and makes us bear the ills we have is the theme of selection4 ,a mother's or father's view of a suitor may be at variance with the daughter's wish and destroy the peace of both for a lifetime4 ,but quite generally the real trouble arises from a spiteful choice or a hasty one1 or one in some of the forms here mentioned4 ,should these hints prevent one unhappy marriage1 they will well repay the little study that their brevity requires4 ,to avoid much lecturing1 only two examples are given at any length1 in the form of stories4 ,these are as near to the real characters as the writer can safely relate them1 being founded on actual romantic and unromantic marriages4 ,as marriage is the first question that every family will discuss1 it is well to treat it with exact candor4 ,don't marry for beauty merely4 ,very few have a supply that would last a full dozen years in a married life that should continue for three decades4 ,and1 more than that1 beauty is not the only requisite to happiness4 ,very handsome people are almost always vain1 often exacting1 and generally live on their form1 paying little or no attention to the rarer qualities of manhood or womanhood4 ,if one seek beauty alone1 he will find it in the fields and flowers and gardens1 in paintings1 art works1 and things of nature2 while the real pleasures of life may be found in a thousand ways outside of the worship of beauty4 ,there are a dozen considerations beyond beauty that should govern the choice of a companion4 ,think for a moment whom you admire most1 trust implicitly1 and love more ardently than all others4 ,truly1 it is not the wax-doll face in a milliner's window2 were that so1 why not marry the model and get the perfection of beauty8 ,the day will come when the 8rain beats in at the heart windows40 ,the time may run along so fast till the summer is over and the winter snow-drifts shade your locks with silver1 when one by one of your friends will visit at the fireside1 when some one will love you for your mind and heart and nobleness4 ,some one suited to your silver-age condition and disposition will be beautiful without any name for beauty2 as the soldier said of ,grant's face1 after ,shiloh's bloody battle1 8,that was the handsomest face ,i ever saw20 yet it was plain and dusty and rugged4 ,prize-winners in matrimony have been women of finer mould than mere beauties4 ,women who have won the hearts of statesmen1 and painters and poets1 and the good and great of all time1 were women of fascination1 or what the ,southern ladies call sweet women1 and not alone noted for their beauty4 ,many a one has been known to have been plain but social2 not always unhandsome1 but never beautiful4 ,they are the best wives and noblest mothers who have more to commend them than mere grace of features1 shade of skin1 or color of eyes1 or art of beautifying4 ,some are frivolous1 and more are flattered into danger4 ,the most miserable man ,i know is married to one of the most beautiful women4 ,he is jealous2 she is exposed to insults unawares4 ,their home is a ,hades six days out of seven4 ,i've heard him wish she were less attractive6 ,don't marry a man for money4 ,if money is your real object1 the older and uglier he is1 the better2 for nothing should come between you and the chosen idol of your affection4 ,if you marry one for his money1 he will find it out shortly4 ,what sublime contempt a man must have for one who simply loves his pocket-book6 ,why not love his farm1 or lumber-yard1 or herd of cattle8 ,the love of money is a miserly pretence of affection that leads to discontent1 distrust1 and disgust when they find it out4 ,besides1 wealthy men are men of care4 ,the wife of a noted millionnaire has had her husband's body stolen from its vault1 has been long kept in agony1 is an object of pity to all who know her4 ,another wife was heard to say1 8,why1 ,i don't have the privilege1 nor the money1 nor the good times that my girl ,bridget enjoys4 ,i am poor and anxious and depressed1 and weary of hearing my husband say1 over and over again1 #8,you are fixing for the poor-house4' ,he really thinks and believes we will end life in the poor-house2 and yet he enjoys a princely income40 ,thousands of such men carry their load of care1 and load of wealth1 and load of anxiety1 and how can they carry any burden of love8 ,don't marry a very small man--a little fellow far below all proportion2 try to get some form to admire1 something to shape things to1 and some one who is not lost in a crowd completely1 who is too little to admire and too small for beauty4 ,you may need strong arms and brave hands to protect you4 ,you will need hands to provide for and maintain you1 and a good form is a fine beginning of manhood or womanhood4 ,mental greatness is not measured by size of brain or bodily proportions4 ,great men are neither always wise nor always large2 they are more often of more medium build1 and well balanced in gifts of mental and physical development4 ,of the two1 a very large man is better than a small one1 and a medium large woman likewise4 ,don't marry too young4 ,the right age to marry is a matter of taste2 twenty-one for girls1 and twenty-four for men may be a little arbitrary1 but certainly is sensible4 ,the happy early marriages are rare4 ,it too often happens that love is mistaken1 or poorly informed1 or lacks an anchor in good judgment4 ,there is no use of reasoning about it1--love is love1 and will marry in spite of reason1 and in some cases it runs away with its choice and repents it a thousand times soon after4 ,but be sensible1 for a life contract should be a sensible one4 ,what is the use of throwing away one season--skipping girlhood or boyhood to rush into maturity and maternity8 ,the records of divorce courts tell the silly and sorrowful stories of many a mismated pair1 married too young and slowly repenting of their rashness4 ,ask of your truest friends2 take counsel2 be above foolishness4 ,don't marry a villain4 ,many a girl is ripe for an adventure1 and in appearance nothing more resembles an angel than a keen and designing villain--a thoroughbred2 not a gambler merely1 but worse1 a wreck6 ,such men may be wary1 artful1 deceitful1 attractive4 ,they are crafty2 their trade compels it4 ,they may be handsome1 often so2 they may be oily and slick--most of them are4 ,they may live rich and expensive lives for a season2 ill-gotten gains are not lasting4 ,heaven pity the girl that marries one of these adventurers1 for the end is bitterness6 ,a friend met one on the ,pacific road1 married him1 and learned to her sorrow that he drank to excess1 swore like a pirate1 lived in debauchery1 and early offered to swap wives for a season with a boon-companion4 8,and that man10 she said1 8was as handsome as a dude1 as slick as an auctioneer1 as oily as a pedler2 ,i loved him only one day after marriage40 ,don't marry a hypocrite4 ,of all things get sincerity4 ,get the genuine article4 ,if you get a hypocrite1 he is brass jewelry1 and will easily tarnish4 ,make careful inquiry1 see that he is all that he pretends to be1 or never trust him4 ,the habit of deceit is one of a lifetime4 ,some join churches for no other reason than to cloak iniquity4 ,it is not the rule by any means2 it is a too common exception4 ,one who goes from city to city and captivates too many by his oil of blandness2 one who has no business1 an idler2 one who apes the rich and is ground down in poverty2 one who lacks the courage to live like himself and had rather live a lie and deceive the world around him1--is an unfit companion1 and will bear watching4 ,don't marry a coquette4 ,one that is worn out by a long list of discarded admirers is like stale bread--worse every day and seldom grows better by long standing4 ,there are women1 and girls sometimes1 who glory and revel in the names of discarded lovers2 whose sense of honesty has been poisoned1 numbed1 and frozen by cheating their victims through pretended affection1 until they have lost all heart or honesty2 who deserve to be left alone to ponder on their cruelty for the balance of their miserable existence4 ,of all the worst forms of flirting1 coquetry is the most detestable4 ,it is not only trifling away the time of both1 but casting distrust on the holiest of all sentiments1 the purity of womanhood4 ,to steal money is honorable compared to stealing affection4 ,the habit of coquetry will1 or may1 last long after marriage4 ,she who practises it will follow up in unpleasant references to her conquests1 wishing she had married at this offer or that1 and wear out the happiness of her last conquest by a frequent reminder of his inferiority to the others4 ,don't marry a woman for her money4 ,these people are tenacious to a minute degree4 ,they long to remind you of my house1 my property1 my farm1 my lots on ,lincoln ,avenue1 my furniture1 my bank account1 and the like--making one a pensioner all his life for his board and clothing4 ,if there is any difference1 it should be with the man4 ,he is expected to control property4 ,he is the master of his house1 or the manager of his expenses4 ,very naturally he says 8my0 store or 8my0 lots1 but it will sound far more fair and considerate even if he says 8our0 in lieu of 8my0 sometimes4 ,the only fair way to act about it is to treat marriage as a partnership where nobody owns all1 but each has an equal interest4 ,it is fair to divide a good portion of one's property with his wife1 fair to deed her a nice homestead and present her a given allowance--liberal as one's income will warrant--and let her draw from it as her own1 and not be a beggar each time she needs money4 ,don't elope to marry4 ,it is a weak affection that cannot wait awhile4 ,jacob served seven years1 then seven more1 for ,rebecca4 ,she was a fine specimen of womanhood--as represented in paintings2 housekeeping was easy and inexpensive then1 but they patiently waited and were handsomely rewarded4 ,ruth was an excellent example of girlhood4 ,in no great hurry to marry1 taking the hardships of travel1 her devotion to her mother touched the heart of a king1 and she won a splendid prize for her patience4 ,she might have eloped with a stage-driver or a coachman1 and ended her life with many less historical-society notices4 ,don't dally about proposing4 ,what is it to ask a fine girl to marry you8 ,the simplest1 easiest thing on earth1 if you 8strike while the iron is hot40 ,go about it sensibly4 ,to begin with1 you never expect much encouragement from a discreet maiden2 she is in the background2 her promise is to be invited2 she is not her own spokeswoman4 ,think of the embarrassment4 ,i venture to say1 if you like her1 that you will say so4 ,often you may have told her how fine her eyes are1 or how well you like her singing1 or talking1 and her company2 but when you ask a simple question1 you get down on your knees 7they do in novels1 not in reality7 and beg for it4 ,nonsense6 ,such a girl is unworthy4 ,begging is a silly fashion1 seldom now indulged in1 all out of date1 and no longer tolerated outside of novels and theatres4 ,use a little sense about it4 ,find out first if you have the right one1 then settle the matter in one of five ways3 ,first1 in the parlor 7don't propose in church1 or at a donation1 or in a crowd1 or on a street-car1 or while the horse is prancing71 get up your resolution at the right moment and say3 8,do we understand each other1 ,clemantha80 ,then1 if she doesn't1 explain it to her in a sensible fashion1 and in little short words that cannot be mistaken2 give her time1 if necessary4 ,the second way is1 on a fine walk or drive1 8,would you like to walk always80 or1 8,if you were to choose whom you would walk with forever1 who would it be80 ,she will say1 8,i don't care to be so personal40 ,certainly then you may be more explicit4 ,third1 suppose you are to separate1 what a grand opportunity6 ,see that you improve it earnestly4 ,to tell a girl that she is fairer than flowers1 clearer than coffee1 and sweeter than honey is old1 very old1 and uncalled-for4 ,tell her she is what she is1 and you like her with all her surroundings2 that you can better her condition sometime4 ,dwell on the 8sometime40 ,be honest about it4 ,if she doesn't love you1 let her love some one else1 and you will be surprised to find how many pure and beautiful beings there are all around you1 holding their finger-tips to hide a smile of welcome and ready--8yes1 ,edgar0--eager to mate with one worthy and ready to marry them1 for marriage is a natural hope of every right-minded woman4 ,this is a fourth method3 read aloud of characters like ,arden1 ,romeo1 or ,abelard1 or ,paul and ,virginia1 and make your comments audibly4 ,you will not be long in tracing a conclusion4 ,be a little ingenious about it1 find out through your sister4 ,prepare the way and don't ask until you find she is unpledged1 remember2 or at least tarry long enough to be reasonably certain4 ,and what if refused8 ,no harm done4 ,like the ,german's sugar1 8,the other pound is shust so good as the first one40 ,one man ,i know drew off a list of all his acquaintances worthy of marriage1 and went about it like a regular wheat-buyer4 ,he was a bachelor1 of course1 and very eccentric4 ,coming to the first1 he explained his object1 concealing all names1 but saying she was first of a long list furnished him by a friend 7each one was first1 always72 then he would say1 8,i will give you a week to consider it1 and no harm done2 if not then1 ,i must pursue my list further40 ,of all the sold-out men1 he was sold the cheapest6 ,he married a whole family4 ,the first two were disgusted1 the third or fourth accepted4 ,this looks too much like a purchase and sale1 and don't try the method4 ,the last way is sensible2 by writing--many a proposal is in writing4 ,even in that be a little guarded2 once a no1 yeses come with reluctance4 ,it is best not to give one an opportunity to say no1 but to parry long enough to test the opposition4 ,if it were a race-horse to buy1 a house to contract for1 or a block to purchase1 it would not be very hard to strike a bargain4 ,so that1 once finding form1 character1 fitness1 affection1 desire to be mated1 go about the rest by a direct and sensible method1 and don't wear out the gate-hinges1 burn out all the oil1 weary the old folks1 or turn gray with anxiety1 but do it4 ,don't marry a drunkard4 ,he will promise1 by all that's good1 great1 and holy1 to reform4 ,how many more like him have made just such promises8 ,he can't keep such a promise if he would4 ,make him reform a couple of years at least1 on trial1 before you marry him4 ,it will be time enough then to risk a life-partnership1 to chain your hopes to an unfortunate creature whose sense and judgment are corrupted1 not by will1 perhaps1 but by habit stronger than reason4 ,with most men this habit becomes a desire4 ,they are bound to feed the fire that burns them4 ,they have no voice in the matter1 and cannot1 if they would1 break the strong fetters that bind them in irons1 like the prison bars confine their victims4 ,it's a sorry picture to behold a fair young girl chained to a being with a will all lost and debauched in appetite for drink2 a section of the land of departed evil spirits can only equal her daily misery4 ,children must bear it1 friends submit to it1 and all of character1 sweetness of temper1 or refinement in one's nature will revolt at the coarseness of the wrecked and wretched career of a drunkard's life4 ,he is an object of pity1 and a being to be shunned in matrimony1 no matter how many promises he makes or how good he is otherwise4 ,to avoid long sorrow1 disgrace1 and regret1 avoid him4 ,if you had two lives and one to dispose of1 at any cost1 mate with a drunkard and die a thousand deaths4 ,your health1 peace1 and happiness will go with his4 8,art thou mated with a clown1 ,then the baseness of his nature ,will have weight to drag thee down40 ,such a man will kill his wife1 burn his own child1 sacrifice everything on earth when scourged by this degrading passion4 ,more could be urged1 but let the starving families1 the criminal courts1 the idiotic children1 tell the rest3 the story is too dreadful to dwell upon4 ,it is monstrous4 ,life becomes a burden1 and death a sweet release from such a cross4 ,of all the matches on earth1 the most to be dreaded and avoided is the drunkard's wife4 ,don't marry a fast man or woman4 ,something tells us that black logs will darken the whitest garments4 ,the edge of virtue once dulled is never quite so keen afterwards4 ,it may be very well to speak slightingly of wild oats1 but who cares to know that their oats are a second crop8 ,who is willing to believe that they are the last resort of one who has pleaded and pledged to hundreds or even dozens before her1 or waits an opportunity to make as many more pledges as occasion may offer8 ,fast men are not satisfied with one vice merely1 but follow on to many4 ,they may drink1 gamble1 sport1 and venture1 and step by step indulge in the kindred vices of lewdness1 till disease shall fasten its clutches in their burning blood and run in their veins for a lifetime4 ,they are rarely satisfied with one home1 one wife1 and one family4 ,don't marry a foreigner1--one who comes from a far-away country and returns to it4 ,it is very uncertain2 think ahead carefully4 ,the new and strange customs of his country may and may not be congenial4 ,they may be a dreary dream of home and early separation4 ,think of the ties of friendship1 the cords of affection twined and woven around your nature2 ties that are not severed without many pangs of sorrow4 ,life is a short1 strange journey1 and1 make it when we will or where we will1 it is pleasant to be made with company4 ,those who know us best will love us most if we deserve it1 and few will continue on in friendship long after we go to strange and unknown countries4 ,a stranger neighbor soon comes nearer than a long-absent friend whom we never hear from4 ,don't marry a spendthrift4 ,the habit of living is formed early4 ,either one is bent on rising or going lower4 ,as water seeks its level1 so men seek their ambition and find it4 ,prosperity comes not on silver trays1 ready-made and ready for use to everybody2 most men work for it1 strive for it1 and deserve it4 ,the sons of the rich1 who inherit property and have formed the habit of useless spending1 are a little bit lower than the poor4 ,it is not disgraceful at all to be born poor2 but to become so after once being rich1 and that through reckless spending1 is a dishonor to any one4 8,one thing we can be proud of10 said ,ingersoll2 8we've made some improvement on the original implements and the common stock40 ,a young man who lives on his father's earnings has very little to boast of1 but one who squanders his inheritance in riotous living is an object of contempt and ridicule4 8,he is one of the old man's pensioners10 said a business man lately of a rich man's son4 8,but for his father's thrift he would be a beggar2 he lives like a refined beggar on the food furnished by another4 ,what a brilliant genius he is60 ,don't marry your cousin4 ,it may be very tempting2 relatives are often warmly attached to each other from long and intimate acquaintance4 ,remember that constantly thrown in each other's society will often create such attachments4 ,with many persons1 marriage of blood relations will more or less lead to deafness1 blindness1 or deformity4 ,it may skip one generation and find another4 ,it may result in disease and weakness4 ,it may be all right1 but seven to eight it is risky and uncertain1 and you can't afford to be uncertain in such matters4 ,don't marry too far above or below you4 ,there is no such thing as station in this country1 like the titles and surroundings of ,europe2 but ignorance mated with refinement must be lost and confused1 and ill at ease every hour4 ,such matches are hasty1 and poorly considered4 ,they lead to gossip and resentment of relatives1 and an uncomfortable ill-feeling1 seldom cured for a full generation4 ,if one has beauty and refinement and is poor1 never mind the poverty2 the good qualities are more than a balance4 ,but the marriage of a millionaire's daughter with a coachman is supreme folly4 ,it ends in disunion1 and never in harmony4 ,water and oil will as soon mix as such elements4 ,avoid them4 ,don't marry a doubly divorced man or woman3 it's risky4 ,something is wrong surely4 ,one divorce should cure any one4 ,two is a profusion4 ,it may be that the doubly divorced is innocent1--he will claim to be2 but if he seeks a new party to a possible divorce case 7it will be a habit by this time71 tell him to wait a little longer4 ,grass widows may be very lovable creatures1 but unless their other halves were clearly blamable1 beyond reasonable question1 give them a wide road and avoid them entirely4 ,it is a very bad sign1 possibly a habit1 that a man and woman mate and divide soon after2 the fault may belong to either1 and most likely relates to both1 in similar proportions4 ,don't marry a miser4 ,of all the old 8curmudgeons0 on earth1 deliver me from crabbed1 narrow-minded1 pinch-penny1 miserable misers4 ,they begrudge you your meals and clothing4 ,they count your shillings and control your pin purchases2 they make life a burden1 by owning much and using little1 and eternally twit you of every quarter used ever so sparingly4 ,life is made to live in and enjoy4 ,we make only one journey4 ,we need not open up our purses and leak out the pennies1 just to see them roll around promiscuously2 but cutting notches on a stick for each one of them1 and never spending1 even for necessaries1 without dread and grudging1 is intolerable4 ,i had rather be poor and enjoy something4 ,don't marry too far apart in ages4 ,june and ,december is a long1 long distance in matrimony4 ,some people are as young-hearted at sixty as others are at forty4 ,some men at forty-five have hardly reached their manhood4 ,but old1 white-headed men1 marrying girls in their teens--servants generally--are pitiable spectacles4 ,to the girl it is suicide2 to the man sheer folly2 no need of marrying the man4 ,the girl is the most interested in this don't sentence4 ,why not1 if you love him8 ,this is the reason1 not jealousy1--that is a partial reason1--but consistency4 ,think of a trip round the world or across the continent with one older than your father1 to be called your husband1 to be your husband6 ,it must be humiliating4 ,it is annoying4 ,it is foolishly silly and inconsistent4 ,money is a small compensation for such a sacrifice4 ,love1 and love only1 should govern marriage1 and ,i doubt its sincerity when the difference goes beyond reason4 ,marry one whom you trust1 admire1 respect1 look up to1 and confide in1 can be true to1 and one whom you love from good and earnest motives4 8,respect is a cold lunch in a dark dining-room4 ,love is a picnic in the woods40 ,think of a picnic and an old man escort6 ,don't marry too old4 ,be in earnest about it4 ,here is the thought in a nut-shell3 ,,too ,,old ,,to ,,love4 ,i4 8,i never loved but one10 she said2 8,i loved him just for fun10 she said2 ,and1 saying this1 she swung her head-- ,had she been frank1 they had been wed4 ,i saw her at a ball that night1 ,her eyes so dark and face so white1 ,her tone and manner wild delight2 ,i knew she served him not aright4 ,,ii4 8,i am too old to love10 she said2 8,the one ,i loved in fun is dead6 ,i plant these flowers above his head1 ,here lies my idol1 dead60 she said4 8',tis sad to think it might have been2 ',tis sadder yet to feel my sin4 ,love learns too late2 but then1 but then1 ,he loved me once--the best of men4 ,,iii4 8,i never see a pure1 good face1 ,nor painting outlines ever trace1 ,but he is near1 his love is dear1 ,had ,i been earnest2 he were here60 ,she veiled her dark eyes with her hand2 ,i turned away1--8,true love is grand10 ,i murmured1 in an undertone2 8,life gives no more than love of one40 ,don't marry odd sizes4 ,a tall man with a little woman looks awkward enough2 but a tall woman with a little1 tiny man is a misfit1 surely4 ,see if you can't find someone of your size1 as the school-lads say in a wrestle4 ,pair off like soldiers in time of dress parade1 with an eye to unity4 ,this caution relates to extremes1 of course1 and not to small variances4 ,some change and grow portly after marriage1 but none get very much taller after twenty-four4 ,just for the looks of the thing1 pair off in uniform lines4 ,don't marry a man or woman without a character4 ,soon enough you'll see the value of this caution4 ,character is a matter that grows through a lifetime1 but enough of it crops out early to be noticed4 ,one is known not only by his company but by his habits1 his tastes1 and his inclinations4 ,it is said that some whole families are born fast2 some thievish1 some inclined to crabbedness1 others mild1 upright1 honest1 and reliable4 ,it runs in the blood in some cases4 ,suppose one is to marry for virtue1 purity1 and uprightness1 he will seek it in the blood as much as he would look for quality in a racer4 ,if a woman loves a rakish 8man of the world10 so called1--a name too often used to varnish a bad character1--she will very easily find him around the different bar-rooms of almost any crowded hotel in the city or village4 ,he will be after marriage what he was before4 ,tell me where a man goes1 and ,i will tell you what he is4 ,if he is fast1 he will cultivate fast habits1 live a rapid life1 and earn that character very early4 ,if these are the traits you are looking for1 8inquire within0 and you will find them4 ,it may be a woman you are asking about1 a girl for a wife1 a life-long companion4 ,which are you seeking for8 ,a dashy1 fly-away dancer1 or a domestic home-lover1 and one whom you can trust with your keys1 your secrets1 your conscience8 ,look to her character4 ,in either case1 the man or woman has lived somewhere4 ,find out about it1--how long1 how well1 how faithfully4 ,a well-to-do widow1 was crazy to marry a man that she fancied1 and who actually refused to give more than his name and hotel1 and no references4 ,on careful inquiry such a person was known by no less than two to four names1--changed to suit circumstances4 ,the spell was broken1 the match ended4 ,men and women often rush into matrimony as game is run into a trap1 for the little tempting bait set to catch them 7a catch-as-catch-can race74 ,they marry and risk a life-long happiness on less actual information of each other's real nature than a good horseman would exact of his carriage horse's pedigree4 ,this may do in the country1 but never will answer in a city4 ,sense and reason dictate that men and women1 to enjoy each other's society1 should see well to the match beforehand4 ,a fine hand1 a small foot1 a becoming hat1 a twist of the head1 a simper1 or a half-witty saying will do well in their places2 but colors must wash and wear to stand a lifetime4 ,don't marry a clown4 ,a silly fellow that jokes on every subject never did amount to anything1 and never will4 ,all he says may be very funny1 very2 but how many times can he be funny8 ,fun will grow stale and threadbare2 one cannot live by it4 ,life is a trip that costs car fare1 wash bills1 board bills1 trinkets1 notions1 and actual outlays4 ,real providers are never clowns2 the clownish fellow is a favorite in school-days4 ,he is so cute1 just as cute as a cotton hat1 so cunning1 so witty1 so nice4 ,is he8 ,wait a few years1 until his nice nonsense turns to active business6 ,don't marry a dude4 ,of all milk-and-water specimens1 a dude is the lowest1--a little removed from nothing2 a dressed-up model for a tailor-shop 7sometimes it's in woman form72 a street flirt1 a hotel-step gazer1 an eye-glass ogler1 a street strut2 one who finds his enjoyment in the looking-glass--a masher4 ,very many are called1 but few are chosen4 ,the many that are called are ridiculed4 ,the time will come when a tailor's suit and a fancy outfit will no more make one respectable than it would make a gentleman of a wooden ,indian in front of a cigar-stand4 ,men1 real men of business1 and men fit to marry1 are not dudes1 but manly1 upright beings1 with sense1 integrity1 and genius or industry2 who come upon the stage of life as real actors in its affairs1 not as 8supes0 and sham soldiers in 8,pinafore0 battle-scenes1 where a few parade in fancy feathers as commodores for the amusement of spectators4 ,life is too earnest to spend on silly1 tawdry1 fancy colors or showy clothing2 and the one who has the less of it is the most likely to be marked for a gentleman1 and the brand will be correctly designated4 ,with women1 no less than men1 is this silly street-walking habit quite prevalent4 ,a flirting woman on a public street is a sorry picture2 even one who stoops to notice her must secretly know her measure4 ,she deceives no one1 for her character1 like the dude's1 is so transparent that no one mistakes its meaning4 ,the habit of going nowhere for nothing is as foolish as it is injurious4 ,character grows out of little things4 ,it may be that being seen with a disreputable person three times1 or even once1 will change the whole current of our career4 ,don't practise the vices of dudes nor the habits of street flirts4 ,do not marry a boy or girl who is not good at home4 ,that is the golden test of duty1--to do one's duty alone1 away from the eyes of men and the notice of the world2 to be good from a right disposition4 ,there is no safer rule to marry by than this3 8,she loves her mother1 and isn't afraid to work4 ,she has a good name at home among her near neighbors4 ,she is neat1 sweet1 and tidy4 ,seven days each week she is never off guard1 always a lady40 ,and of a man may it be said1 8,he is a man1 take him all in all2 he is manly1 he is truthful2 he loves his home2 he treats his sisters and mother kindly4 ,he is capable of good deeds1 and incapable of mean ones4 ,he has a good name40 ,he deserves success1 and it will follow him4 ,he is plain1 perhaps1 but man outgrows it4 ,he is not a painting1 an imitation1 a counterfeit1 but simply a man4 ,he will do to marry2 so will she1 the last-named4 ,don't marry from pity4 ,it may be akin to love1 but the kinship is quite distant4 ,many a weak woman has so married1 and only once regretted it--each and every day afterwards4 ,a life-long regret must follow4 ,what a cold respect is that compliment to any woman1 8,i took pity on her60 ,away with such base uses of pity6 ,many a woman has had pity on a rakish man or a drunkard and married him to reform his nature4 ,better1 far better1 trust a child with a runaway horse or a mad dog4 ,danger seen and not avoided is criminal carelessness4 ,surely you can save one life1 and its happiness1 in such cases4 ,one is quite enough to be sacrificed4 ,let bravery be shown by demanding a full surrender and reasonable atonement4 ,don't marry for an ideal marriage only4 ,the girlish dream of marriage is so wide of the reality as to be dangerous4 ,she is to grow up and go away1 off to ,italy1 or some far-away clime of sunshine2 there to be taught music and the classics4 ,on some clear moonlight evening1 in a summer-time1 where birds sing all day long1 near a brook or flower-garden1 she is to be surprised by a creature of form and make and mental endowment that shall thrill her whole being into rapturous joy4 ,they will go to the parlor1 and there1 by a grand-piano1 she will unseal the pent-up currents of her heart1 till tears flow from all eyes around her2 there she will seem to hear the childhood melodies1 the song of departed friends1 the harmony of all the senses1 mingling in one sweet welcome to her new-found happiness4 ,her prisoned soul is no longer grovelling in common themes2 all the latent power of her being is to burst forth in gladness2 and music of the heart is to bear her up until the cottage walls are narrow1 till flowers and falling water1 brilliant company1 ease and riches1 smile upon her glad career4 ,she is to be lifted up1 and raised to heights before unknown to mortals4 ,he of whom she dreams of now is fit for ,paradise4 ,finer and finer every day will his genius grow1 and nearer to her liking every hour4 ,there is just such joy and just such glory in a new-born love1 that seems to reach a grander height each moment1 as on eagle's wings4 ,and this is but the generous dream that ,nature gives1 as a preface to a real life after1--so very1 very different4 ,the girl that twines her tender arms around her mother's neck1 and thrills with joyous pride in telling of the brilliant prize that's offered her1 thinks not of rainy days ahead4 ,perhaps it is just as well2 who would begrudge her such half-hours of happiness8 ,but1 seeing sometime she must break the spell and know all1 it may be safe to drop a hint in season1 and say1 ,this way lies safety1 that way danger6 ,don't marry a man of even doubtful character4 ,no matter how handsome or brilliant1 a bad man has in him elements that are always repulsive2 they are poison to his blood and his surroundings1 and the only safe guide is his character4 ,no matter how many promises of reformation2 you need not turn reformer for his sake4 ,if you will take the risk1 do it after he proves himself reformed1 and be in no great haste about it4 ,no amount of spicing and seasoning can make tainted meat palatable1 and no amount of promising will reclaim a character tainted with vicious habits once seated4 ,young ladies who enter upon the reforming mission furnish more women and children for prisons1 later in life1 by their own misfortunes than any one class4 ,cases of reclaimed men after marriage are so rare as to be exceptional4 ,it's always a dangerous experiment4 ,don't marry too cautiously as to perfection4 ,it has before been fully stated that men and women are human1 and imperfect4 ,that is1 if you are hunting angels it's a fool's errand2 there are none unpledged4 ,if you look for tall1 handsome1 rich1 manly1 cultivated1 talented1 brilliant men1 or pure1 refined1 fascinating1 beautiful women1 and one for each man the world over1 the supply never equals the demand of either sex4 ,but to presume that the persons marked under head of 8don't marry0 cover all the rest is unreasonable4 ,there are thousands of noble women and men1 possessed of sterling sense1 strong bodies1 affectionate natures1 ability to conduct a home1 become a genial companion1 raise a family1 shine in society1 and bear their full share of life's earnest work4 ,occasionally a man or woman will tower above their fellows1 but1 generally1 the real difference is less than is often supposed4 ,the great majority are good1 and live and go to their reward unheard of outside of their neighborhood4 ,one has put it rather strongly in this1 to many3 8,the lives of men and women1 the best of them1 are marred and ruined by uncongenial marriages4 ,they mostly suffer in silence1 ashamed to complain of the chain they cannot break4 ,men and woman cannot know what their sweethearts will be after marriage4 ,i have known a sensitive man1 a genius with a soul like a star1 whose life was a pilgrimage over burning coals1 because his wife was a coarse termagant4 ,many a gifted woman1 fit to be a queen or an empress1 is chained to a clod of a husband1 whose forced companionship is to her the tortures of ,inferno40 ,don't marry expecting all the virtues in one person4 ,if you do1 the disappointment will be startling4 ,there are no perfect characters4 ,history gives none since the ,saviour4 ,even ,joseph was willing to punish his enemies4 ,the majority of men and women are good and pure and fair-looking4 ,the numbers who go to the bad are few compared to the good4 ,take the country population1 and ninety per cent will be good2 and sixty per cent of all cities are people of fair characters4 ,it is a mistake to think that most people are bad because the bad ones get so often chronicled in public journals4 ,the good1 like the virtuous1 live and die and demand no praise of their virtue4 ,the great mass of men are sensible1 and honest and upright and sober1 and worthy to marry4 ,don't break a marriage abruptly4 ,this is the wrong way to break a bad match4 ,it intensifies affection4 ,it leads to elopement1 or that slow canker in a girl's nature ending in melancholy1 or insanity4 ,love is a plant so tender that to uproot or transplant it may touch a vital part4 ,there are ways enough to change its current2 but of all food to increase its growth1 give it a little opposition4 ,tell a child to leave something alone1 and he sulks to touch it4 ,tell a girl that the man she admires is distasteful to her relatives1 and she half despises them from a simple motive of resentment4 ,lead her by reason to see with her own eyes1 and she will be convinced4 ,the great ,london actor1 ,garrick1 played the drunkard to disenchant a girl1 and succeeded4 ,her parents might have tried it a lifetime and failed4 ,human nature is queer4 ,it will lead when the way is enticing4 ,it will magnify discoveries1 but they must be discovered in the right manner4 ,remove not the prop till the safety of the structure is secure without it4 ,don't oppose one's marriage choice suddenly4 ,should a girl fall in love with one of bad character1 it is best not to call him so at one breath2 but say1 8,what are his habits8 ,is he good enough and worthy of so pure and comely a person as you are80 ,let this task be performed by some girl of same age and class as the one you seek to change4 ,let them be often together1 and find ways of expressing the objections by this method--coming from a classmate1 a friend1 a chum or companion--and your object may be easily accomplished4 ,a proposed absence without showing why1 a long journey with genial company1 may have the desired effect4 ,at least use one caution2 see that the girl knows the real habits and character of the man you are opposed to her marrying4 ,it will do more than all the urging1 scolding1 coaxing1 or threatening4 ,don't marry for spite4 ,why should you8 ,if the one whom you loved most has deceived you and taken another1 it will be folly to try to punish him by hanging yourself1 or committing a double suicide in a loveless marriage4 ,you will learn this lesson all too dearly when it's over4 ,life is too short for those who love it and are well mated2 but many a miserable marriage has made one or the other wish for death a million times1 to be rid of its burden4 ,you are the one most interested4 ,you will find out1 after the knot is tied1 that there are many conditions in life better and easier to be endured than a silly marriage to spite some one4 ,you will spite them better by showing what a noble choice they had missed when they took another in your place4 ,don't propose on a wash-day1 in the rain1 at breakfast1 or in a tunnel4 ,there is no room for fainting in the former1 and a narrow chance for time in the latter4 ,many ladies have singular notions on how proposals should be accepted1 and to such any rudeness is extremely shocking4 ,a very modest fellow1 in deep anxiety1 took up his fair lady's cat1 and said1 8,pussy1 may ,i marry your mistress80 when the young lady replied1 8,say yes1 pussy1 when he gets brave enough to ask for her40 ,more than likely this brought the young fellow to his senses4 ,it certainly brought matters to a crisis4 ,most young people talk to each other as though a tall stone wall stood between them and they must find a door in it4 ,strange enough1 the difference in views vanishes at the merest mention of each other's sentiments4 ,don't mitten a mechanic1 simply on account of his business4 ,if he is worthy1 never mind his business4 ,he can grow out of it1 and will grow out of it4 ,collier was a blacksmith1 ,wilson a shoemaker1 ,andrew ,johnson a tailor1 ,peter ,cooper a glue-maker1 ,grant a tanner1 and ,lincoln the humblest of farmers4 ,in this country it is not a question what a man was1 but what he is2 not even what he is1 but what he may be1 and what he is capable of yet attaining4 ,many a girl has turned away a mechanic and married a rich loafer1 only to find in good season that the mechanic was at heart a gentleman1 with growing possibilities1 and the loafer remained such for all time4 ,advice is seldom heeded in such matters1 but it may do to mention it4 ,the true test of manhood is seen in the mettle of boyhood4 ,if you wish to forecast the future1 study the past history of your subject4 ,if one is selfish1 tyrannical1 and overbearing by being rich1 he will be a bad man to marry4 ,if1 on the other hand1 he is pleasant1 kind1 genial1 and forbearing1 loves his kind1 is attentive to his mother and sisters1 and has made friends and character in early life1 he is not very likely to change his notions later4 ,there is often more manhood in a poor one-armed man than a rich athlete4 ,don't marry a man too poor4 ,it is the height of folly to mate1 and attempt to raise seven children on what will bring up three indifferently4 ,have a little discretion4 ,think that eating1 dressing1 etc41 cost something1 and no one can live happily without some of these common comforts4 ,if they cannot buy them single1 it is folly to double one's misery by marrying in the jaws of starvation4 ,it is suicide3 it is worse1--it is double suicide1 and may lead to pauperism and crime and disgrace4 ,don't marry where the woman is older than the man4 ,men are restless creatures and exacting4 ,they expect grace1 beauty1 and refinement2 they prefer youth to age1 generally4 ,at least it is the fashion to marry a wife some years younger than the husband4 ,women mature earlier2 they have less expectancy of long life1 and on an average live seven to ten years less1 and show age at fifty more than a man does at sixty-five4 ,of the two1 a woman should look smaller and younger and better than a man4 ,this accords with the belief of all refined people4 ,don't marry a crank4 ,this class of men will be wordy and persuasive4 ,they tell all sorts of stories of life1--how the world is mismade2 how they could improve upon this thing or that2 how marriages should be made between blondes and brunettes2 how1 with their philosophy1 society would reach perfection4 ,such men are invariably tyrannical4 ,they are exacting to the last degree2 they have neither faith1 hope1 nor charity1 but run in one groove4 ,they distrust the powers that be1 and generally mount some hobby1 and forever prattle about the rights of free love or the wrongs of government4 ,avoid them as you would a tramp4 ,don't marry fine feathers4 ,chesterfield was well up on manners1 and gave his son this rule1 among his twenty-one maxims to marry by3 8,let not the rustling of silk entrap you into matrimony40 ,fine clothing has a certain fascination to many4 ,some choose a wife by the becoming effect of a tasty garment4 ,some select a fine dancer2 others rely upon a small hand or a petite form4 ,these points may be all well noted1 but they are but parts of a greater whole that should govern a wise selection4 ,don't marry a 8masher0--man or woman4 ,a regular professional flirt will never settle down to love one woman or one man4 ,habits once formed will cling to them in after-life4 ,they are like runaway teams--liable to take fright and go when least expected4 ,civil attention1 by a lady or gentleman1 to the other sex is natural and courteous1 but the thought that every fair lady is common prey is repulsive4 ,the traveller who avoids all vacant car-seats but the nearest to a handsome young woman1 and forces his conversation against her will1 has an eye to his business of one more conquest2 but the too often insulted woman who complains of over-attention from gentlemen is generally one who walks much unattended and shows some willingness to be not wholly unnoticed4 ,don't marry without love4 ,it will be plain enough after a while4 ,you will not mind it at first1 perhaps1 but the time will come when1 by a song1 or a face1 or a voice1 or a form1 you will awake as from a dream1 to find you have chosen carelessly4 ,it will be too late then4 ,a loveless marriage may stand throughout a honeymoon4 ,it may last in youth1 but not when storms and trials come in after-years4 ,it lacks that something which words do not well express1--continuity1 heart-bound devotion1 and endurance4 ,no matter how plain each or either may be1 if they love each other they will overlook little things1 and live patiently and happily to the end4 ,but once1 at least1 must come this joy and glory of wedlock1 that seems to be the wise design of ,nature1--a love for one another4 ,it endures through age and trouble1 and is a more lasting tie than all others together4 ,don't marry an idle spendthrift2 one whose money comes without effort at first1 and goes as rapidly1 will one day come to want as certainly as waters reach their level4 ,nature has fashioned us all for work1--work of mind or work of body1 mental or physical labor1--and with it comes strength of muscle and of will4 ,listless life of idleness1 without motive1 without aim1 is open to every form of temptation4 ,it is not a crime to be rich1 or to be poor4 ,it is a crime to be listless in a busy world4 ,he would be disgraced who1 standing on a wharf1 saw a drowning crew without offering relief4 ,he would be a coward who would not defend a woman in distress2 yet all around us are the needy1 helpless1 drowning1 starving1 whom it is our duty to rescue and lift up in life2 and marriage is the place where society is born1 and grows and ripens into use4 ,don't marry a stingy man2 of all narrow1 mean men1 he is worst who has money1 and has no will to do good with it4 ,a 8dog-in-the-manger0 man1 who can improve his town1 his church1 his neighborhood1 and does not1 is a drone in life's hive and deserves no success4 ,one who is poor and has no means is excusable2 one who locks and buries treasures deserves the ,bible sentence of him who hid his talent in the earth--to be taken from him and placed with the active one's talent4 ,a narrow1 selfish1 stingy man will count your pennies spent1 and postage used1 and clothing worn1 as wasted4 ,one must live in constant dread of such a creature--we need not name him man2 it would disgrace the term4 ,a miser's wife lives a loveless life4 ,don't marry too hastily4 ,some rush into matrimony like a steam-engine going to put out a fire1 as though one moment lost would be eternal defeat1 and the first there gain the highest prize4 ,many a one has repented more leisurely and in sorrow for such conduct4 ,but of all things1 marry at a good opportunity4 ,don't be too slow about it4 ,girls who give up the society of all but one1 and turn their homes into special receptions for one person1 will be worried to death in a year or two1 if things move too moderately4 ,brace up and proceed to business1 or release your claim and let some one else have an opportunity4 ,long engagements lead to lovers' quarrels2 they1 in turn1 fail to make up sometimes1 and then follow scandal and gossip over broken ties2 and later two go down to their early sleep disheartened1 ruined by a trifling neglect and a reasonable inventory of prospects4 ,you will see it all plainly when it is over4 ,it will be a 8might have been0 then1 sure enough1 but too late4 ,don't marry a silly girl4 ,it's something of an art to select a sensible person1 but many are captivated by frivolous sayings and coquettish acts of simpering school-girls and marry them4 ,they make better playmates than wives4 ,they are generally shallow1 nonsensical1 and superficial4 ,they seldom learn anything2 a tittering girl is wearisome in real life4 ,they are ever unstable as water and changeable as wind2 get some one that you can rely upon in confidence4 ,avoid slovenly dressed girls or heedless men4 ,life seems very short sometimes1 but if ill-mated it may be a long and tiresome life4 ,a woman with shoes run down1 a man with slouched and battered hat1 reckless of neatness1 will grow worse1 and seldom better4 ,trifling as it may appear1 the tidy dress1 the tasty every-day apparel1 the ladylike appearance1 and general style of man or woman1 go a long way to form character4 ,beecher was right in saying that 8clothes do not make the man1 but they make him look better after he is made40 ,the same rule is true of women4 ,don't expect too much in marriage4 ,the story pen-pictures and fashion-plate models of men that we see and read about are always exaggerated4 ,not one man in a million would equal their description4 ,men are plain flesh-and-blood creatures2 women are not angels4 ,they build their hopes too high who expect otherwise4 ,take the handsomest person you know and ten years' wear will dull the edges2 and of all faded features1 the once very handsome show change the soonest4 ,there are many little odd-faced fellows who grow up to be fine manly men4 ,the growth from boyhood or girlhood to youth1 and youth to manhood or womanhood1 and so on to old age1 is marvellous4 ,it takes a keen sense of foresight to measure the future of many boys and girls by their beginning4 ,there is no rule safer than choosing a good form1 a good brain1 a good temper1 and a good character1 and waiting for the other developments4 ,endure what cannot be cured1 and don't wish your wife or husband were as handsome as some neighbor or as rich as some nabob4 ,youth and good qualities are riches4 ,it may be he is richer by far than the very one envied4 ,the richest are not always those who own the most--many of these are poor indeed1 and often miserable4 ,don't marry a fop4 ,vanity in a woman is bad enough1 in men it is intolerable6 ,a man-milliner1 a namby-pamby female male1 a walking model for ready-made furnishing-stores1 may think himself exceedingly stunning1 but to a real lady or gentleman he is a nonentity4 ,such husbands never could be satisfied with the admiration you would give them2 they would weary your mirrors and try your patience4 ,what are they good for1 anyway8 ,there is room for women and room for men1 but a half-woman or a half-man is never great4 ,they are not very likely to marry at all1 and less likely to make home happy4 ,don't expect everything of one person4 ,some expect to marry love1 beauty1 talent1 riches1 and affection all in one4 ,it is unreasonable2 you will never find it1 and may as well give up looking in good season4 8,waukeen0 ,miller was requested to rewrite an article sent to a ,new ,york magazine and returned this pithy reply3 8,i can't re-copy it4 ,i can't do everything4 ,what do you expect of a man1 anyway--to be a genius1 an inventor1 and a writing-teacher8 ,no1 ,i can't bother my brains with copying worth four to six hundred a year at the highest40 ,this covers the whole subject in a sentence4 ,but it is well to add that ,nature is sparing of her gifts4 ,to one she allots beauty1 to another strength1 to another wisdom1 to a third courage1 to a fourth ability to acquire riches1 to another that to write and speak1 to teach1 to manage1 to paint1 or to control armies3 all are not alike1 and to no one belong all virtues4 ,don't expect too much of a wife4 ,if she is beautiful1 that will be her pride and ideal4 ,if plain1 she may make it up a thousand times in goodness1 gentleness1 industry1 virtue 7the plainest are the least tempted74 ,earnest in her duty1 she may be of all women the most suited to your station4 ,if talented1 she will devote herself to it4 ,you cannot own beauty1 talent1 domestic drudgery all in one4 8,looking for angels1 are you80 said an advanced maiden in the country4 8,well1 you'll not find 'em fit for kitchen work2 and1 while ,i think of it1 how would you look by the side of an angel1 you brute you80 and he subsided4 ,no1 they are not much suited to kitchen work1 the so-called angels2 but many a mother who has brought up a large family as her own kitchen maid1 without servants1 who has braved the hardships of poverty and privation1 has led a life but little lower than the angels1 after all4 ,don't marry and cross your husband4 ,while on this division1 don't cross your wife just at dinner-time4 ,after the cares of business he is tired1 fretful1 and she is of similar humor4 ,to make a dispute is much easier than to make a coal fire4 ,wait6 ,don't flash up and speak back1 and irritate by quick answer4 ,wait6 ,if man or woman could only wait in seasons of anger1 all would blow over and harmony return like spring flowers1 that are not always in blossom4 ,don't both speak at once1 nor both get angry at once1 nor both be too determined at once4 ,no one is ever convinced by angry tones4 ,it is horribly repulsive to talk so2 besides1 you will both be sorry for it very many times4 ,wait1 and let your judgment mature after dinner2 quarrel1 if you must1 in whispers2 that is the new fashion4 ,try the newer form4 ,about ten thousand new divorces could be prevented each year by observing these rules of common sense and reason4 ,when will married people and unmarried people1 and lovers and neighbors1 learn how pleasant peace is1 and how awkward it is to quarrel together8 ,one man pounds his finger with a tack-hammer and blames his wife for it a month later2 one man's goose gets in a neighbor's garden and is killed--perhaps served him right--and yet they are sworn enemies for five years later2 and not until some child is rescued from a burning building or a mad dog1 by the enemy neighbor do the two know how pleasant and useful it is to dwell in harmony4 ,families who have been estranged for years are some day--ah1 some day6--called to look into the sightless eyes that once flashed in anger1 or lay away in its earthy home the form they shunned for some trifling answer in a passion4 ,if we knew how soon1 how cautious we would be6 ,life is so short to quarrel and make up in2 they who quarrel may never make up4 ,don't marry in fun4 ,be in earnest about a matter of so much moment4 ,it may seem funny to a lot of girls out on a sleigh-ride to call in some one and wind up an escapade by a double wedding2 but few of such marriages ever end well4 ,sudden and ill-considered matches are mismatches4 ,you may have a mother1 a sister1 or a family to consult2 then the old-fashioned way is the best4 ,it's a left-handed marriage at best that will not allow the forms used for ages to strengthen its solemnity4 ,let the world know by open dealing that you have married above any secrecy1 elopement1 or underhanded fashion4 ,be brave enough to follow the form of society in a manner that concerns every neighbor and every relative4 ,marry at home or at church1 in good form1 without display2 marry according to the best usage of the best people1 and you will reap some benefit from the sensible conclusion4 ,don't marry without an eye to comfort4 ,a man that expects to live thirty years or more with a partner will investigate his likes and dislikes2 so should a woman4 ,are you ready to attend a cattle ranch and brave the frontier8 ,then look the matter clearly in the face at the first hint of the man's proposal who expects it4 ,do you prefer the city to the country8 ,look to the earliest opportunity4 ,can you endure a soldier's absence1 or wait for an explorer8 or will you prefer a domestic relation that brings you both under one roof daily8 ,these questions should be answered soon enough to prevent regret1 remorse1 or separation4 ,the greatest of all dangers in marriage is the color-blindness of lovers3 they never use but one color--rose color--till a few weeks after the wedding4 ,don't spurn a man for his poverty4 8,prosperity is the parent of friends2 misfortune is the fire by which they are tried40 ,one may be poor by an honest failure1 another may be rich on ill-gotten gains4 ,the first the lord of honor1 the last a prosperous knave4 8,i would give it all willingly and work by the day if we could be placed back where we were1 and be free from the worry and dread and anxiety10 said a rich man's wife to a waiting friend by her sick bedside4 ,who does not know of poor1 plain boys who endured the poverty of youth1 struggled with their studies1 carved out a fortune as from flinty marble1 and enjoyed it in maturer years1 all the more for the effort it cost them1 all the more likely to last and continue to bless other generations8 ,franklin commenced poor with a penny loaf2 ,greeley was homely and awkward4 ,few would have looked for ,lincoln's rise4 ,giddings and ,collier and ,garfield all started low on the ladder1 and ended high in honor and worthy of any woman's affection4 ,if we could only get near enough to ,genius to comprehend its superior worth2 if we could reverence talent and admire integrity and take true measure of prospective greatness1 what a fortune we would possess6 ,like high-priced lots in large cities1 the discoverers of rare locations seldom knew the value of their purchases4 ,it takes time for development2 more time in genius and character than we are always ready to wait for2 but the far-seeing are always rewarded1 so with the prizes of matrimony4 ,don't marry and expect a husband to be wealthy while young4 ,only the older men should be looked to for high financial standing4 ,in a hopeful country like ours1 few are rich under fifty1 seldom under sixty4 ,young men who earn their education1 and begin and learn a business are barely partners at thirty or thirty-five4 ,it takes time to prosper4 ,several mistakes may be made4 ,scarcely a wholesale house in ,new ,york or ,boston has run on twenty years without a failure4 ,failure is the rule1 success the exception4 ,patience1 pluck1 and perseverance win the victory1 but they who spend freely in the forenoon have little left in the evening4 ,those who save early double in like ratio later on4 ,don't marry in opposite religious views4 ,if possible1 marry near your own belief4 ,this may seem strained1 but the story of divorces will confirm its wisdom4 ,children and parents very often disagree on religious subjects4 ,the farmer's 8,betsey and ,i are out0 controversy1 8was a difference in our creed4 ,and the more we argued the matter1 the less we ever agreed40 ,it is pleasant to agree on a subject so vital in families1 more especially so in ,protestant and ,catholic families1 where education is sometimes controlled by church government1 and marriages are held illegal in one church if not solemnized by its forms and between regular believers in its faith and doctrines4 ,don't marry a duke1 or any man who travels on his title4 ,the most of such men are very common1 and the most of young people who seek their company are sold1 deceived1 and seriously disappointed4 ,they expect a fortune to begin with1 and will be the most exacting of all mortals4 ,this is a mere matter of birth and surroundings4 ,novels tell many beautiful stories 7pretty visions7 about brave and noble dukes and their princely palaces1 attentive servants1 and flower-arbors4 ,experience tells far different stories4 ,the history of nine out of ten of such unnatural unions is a record of a half million or so squandered on a petted daughter to satisfy a mother's ambition1 and ending in misery entailed by the dearly bought purchase4 ,don't marry so much out of rank as to be a burden1 or carry a burden4 ,do marry a man that you can look up to1 and see that he can do likewise4 ,there are plenty of farmers1 mechanics1 merchants1 conductors1 doctors1 lawyers1 and men of general business1 who are worthy1 trusty1 generous1 noble1 and will make excellent husbands4 ,seek them out from their character1 their conduct at home1 their treatment of sisters and mothers1 their devotion to business and adherence to principle4 ,show them that you trust them4 ,be ready to marry4 ,become accomplished and useful4 ,make yourself worthy of a home1 and know how to manage it with skill and kindness4 ,loving natures are not long neglected4 ,the worn-out belles and women who fade and wither1 and die snappish and single1 were insincere1 or lacked some quality of winning manners4 ,do marry a ,president4 ,that is the correct form now4 ,it's so romantic4 ,waive all the hints of other objections1--age1 love1 spite1 money1 and the like4 ,get a ,president1--just for the position1 you know6 ,then all the little jewels and diamonds and presents will come rolling in like flowers to a favorite singer4 ,all little objections vanish in the presence of a ,president4 ,he must be suited to any condition of beauty1 genius1 or intellect4 ,don't refuse a ,president's offer2 you may never get but one such in a lifetime4 ,do marry a plain man4 ,just a plain1 common-sense man2 be he banker1 lawyer1 doctor1 farmer1 builder1 merchant1 so he is a man2 for manhood is at a premium to-day in home life6 ,the world is full to overflowing with brilliant men4 ,public offices are public trusts1 and all that such responsibility implies1 and there are women in stations where the word home has very little meaning1 and other women who long for the quiet and comfort of true domestic life away from the cares of office and the demands of lofty stations4 ,two of the things that lead to greatest misery of the masses to-day are over-ambition and reckless marriages4 ,don't coax a woman to love you4 ,if you wish to win1 that is certainly the wrong way4 ,if they have any notion of it1 you are in the opposite direction of success4 ,women despise a fawning1 cringing nature4 8,fortune and women1 born to be controlled1 stoop to the forward and the bold40 ,a far more sensible way to win will be by indifference4 ,show enough willingness to reassure her1 and enough courage to act manly4 ,ten to one you have mistaken her temper by lack of frankness4 ,nothing is more touching than truth4 ,if you are really bent on marrying and have told the right person the whole story1 earnestly and truthfully1 the answer should be decisive4 ,keen dealers seldom banter2 they may hesitate1 they may explain their wants and wishes1 they never parley very long or express much anxiety to strike a bargain4 ,winning a wife or a lover is a rare art4 ,to be worthy of either is the first essential4 ,it is better to be worthy of it than to be ,president and unworthy4 ,it must be consoling even to a jilted lover to feel that he is superior to the one successful4 ,the next thing to being worthy is being ready4 ,many a youth begins driving1 sleighing1 and dressing for society who pays his clothing bills by instalments1 and whose salary is wholly unequal to his outlay4 ,fairness demands that a girl in marrying should better her condition4 ,how can one expect her to marry into misery8 ,chesterfield quotes an old ,spanish saying of great force and aptness3 8,it is the beginning that costs in everything4 ,the first step over1 the rest is easy40 ,don't marry recklessly4 ,before two or more men form a partnership1 they learn each other's means of furthering the business to be engaged in2 the confidence that each is worthy of1 the skill1 attention1 etc41 each can give1 and the prospects of a mutual agreement and prosperity4 ,without some inquiry on these vital requisites1 no company concern would be founded4 ,it would be a foolish investment to purchase goods and fit up stores or warehouses without some forecast of results2 and yet this is precisely in the line of marriage4 ,partnerships are business marriages4 ,it is not best to be too cool and calculating about it2 one caution may let another take the venture and draw the premium4 ,but some common-sense may as well be mixed with a matter so vital as a life-long engagement4 ,firms are limited to a few years2 marriages are unlimited save by death1 or divorce1 for over a third of a century1 on an average4 ,while it is very difficult to tell whom to marry1--for no one can foresee your circumstances1--still1 it is well to mention a large class that no one should marry1 at least till all others are no longer accessible4 ,if one could foresee the extent of happiness depending on this selection of partners1 if he would take a simple business caution and investigate enough to be considerate1 he might save society from disgrace and himself from lasting misery4 ,for the fact is1 that the most glaring of all our ,american evils is the looseness of marriage ties1 and the misery it entails on domestic relations4 ,if these hints or reminders should induce one woman to avoid a bad marriage1 and one man to contract a good one1 or save a long quarrel1 or keep families in harmony1 or help some poor bashful fellow to gain his ,yes by a sensible proposal1 the time in reading will be well spent1 the trifling cost will be a splendid investment4 ,,romantic ,,marriages4 ,caroline ,crofton had completed her course at ,vassar1 one of its earliest graduates1 and one of the most brilliant in her class of thirty odd young ,new ,england1 graceful1 gifted1 and generous girls1 that have long been noted for their purity of principles and perfection of character4 ,she was smaller than her classmates1 an only daughter of ,judge ,crofton1 whose manner and training marked him as a classical1 refined1 and upright gentleman1 and a dignified and just judge4 ,all that culture could impart1 or character add to the graces of nature1 was bestowed upon ,caroline1 who never assumed the fashion of shortening her name by fancy contractions4 ,carline was the shortest way of calling her1 and this was not a favorite with her mother4 ,from her father she inherited the qualities ascribed to her1 while her mother1 like a clinging vine wound around the oak1 was of a trusting1 lovable1 nature1 of darker hair and eyes than the ,judge2 and the two mingled in the daughter1 and formed a slender figure and a graceful form1 an ardent1 lovable character1 as one could easily discover4 ,diligent by nature and proud of her progress in early studies1 ,caroline had entered ,vassar's advanced classes and employed all her energy to excel in each department4 ,she literally lived in her books for four full years1 to the exclusion of modes1 society1 or even the newspapers2 her one ambition seemed ever to be excellence1 and when the graduating day arrived1 and the long row in white were seated in breathless awe to read their papers and receive their reward1 something more than a common interest was awakened4 ,such are the days when young men of wealth and ambition1 and poorer men with an eye to the beautiful1 come in and listen to the overdrawn pictures of school-girls' first productions4 ,the theme of ,caroline ,crofton was 8,pioneers20 how they had founded our government in the little log school-houses of ,new ,england1 in the sixteenth century2 how they had established their town meetings and voting precincts2 how they had gradually driven back the ,indians 78noble redmen07 from the rich1 fertile valley of the ,mohawk in ,new ,york1 cleared away the underbrush from the fertile plains of ,northern ,ohio and ,pennsylvania1 and boldly evaded the massive pineries of bleak1 cold ,northern ,michigan2 dauntlessly1 fearlessly1 and bravely establishing schools and churches in the very midst of ,indian huts and wigwams1 taking their lives in their hands1 to improve and populate a great and growing nation2 and how wonderfully they had all prospered4 ,in her vivid and graphic picture of a fruitful theme 7a theme learned from books and stories71 she dwelt on the part that mothers had borne1 and brothers were bearing1 in this tide of prosperity and improvement1 till tear-drops came fast to the earnest eyes of the old gray-haired professors1 who were judges1 and many a mother's heart leaped with joyous pride at the mention of brave sons battling with the ,western wilderness1 for their sons were among them4 ,caroline ,crofton could feel the hush of silence1 always such applause as is irresistible2 she could feel the emotion1 and conveyed that emotion to her audience2 she forgot herself1 forgot her hearers1 and read with a girlish animation born of deep-seated belief in the grandeur of the theme she advocated4 ,round after round of applause greeted her conclusion1 and she staggered to her seat literally overcome by the brilliant effort which resulted in a handsomely inscribed medal as first of her class of ,vassar4 ,whether the influence of that essay on the mind of ,caroline1 or its greater influence on ,cyrus ,arthur 7a newly arrived resident of ,vassar7 was the most potent means of a quick acquaintance between them1 is not well known to the writers2 certain it is that an early friendship soon refined into affection1 and meagre inquiries into his character being satisfactory to ,caroline1 he was promptly admitted as a suitor at the dignified household of ,judge ,crofton1 on the banks of the beautiful ,st4 ,lawrence4 ,the ,judge was led to believe that a long acquaintance had ripened between schoolmates1 when in fact it was a love at first sight affair1 and on very little consideration4 ,that these young and ambitious lovers enjoyed all that is allotted to their class is forever a secret1 for their after-life reveals but little of its mystery4 ,their after-life was a struggle for bread first1 and position soon after4 ,they really put off living1 very foolishly4 ,cyrus ,arthur was a large1 strongly built1 dark-haired1 handsome fellow1 of considerable assurance in the social gatherings1 and generally managed to lead off with the dances and parties from his size and commanding way more than from any merit of talent or real goodness in himself2 one of the village leaders who gained favor by fine looks and outward appearance2 one of the petted class of forenoon brilliants whose afternoons are often more shaded4 ,there was a smile of serene contentment and half-satisfaction on the haughty face of young ,arthur as he offered himself to the ,judge's daughter in that manner assumed by generals in battle4 ,he obtained his prize1 and she obtained her ambition4 ,he married beauty1 she married a leader4 ,her highly colored future was a life of intellectual greatness2 his first pride was of conquest1 then of distinction4 ,a large man in a small place may be a little man in a large city4 ,in good season they were married1 of course2 and of their courtship little need be said1 for it was all unromantic4 ,arthur's father was a merchant of limited means1 and the younger having high notions of going ,west to grow up with the country1 early settled in a lumber-making city of ,north ,michigan1 where he took his fair young companion1 who soon realized that her rose-colored romance of brave pioneers was not a living reality4 ,dreams are one thing1 real life is another2 work was scarce in the big overgrown city1 but plentiful in the pineries2 and after the first day of married life wore into weeks1 and living expense came around with painful regularity1 the new couple were forced to economize1 then look for employment1 which they first found in tending store and camp1 cooking for a large lumber-ranch2 certainly far less refining than the vision of a ,vassar schoolgirl's essay had pictured4 ,but they prospered1 and by dint of close saving1 always coming from the wise counsel of the weaker one1 they became managers1 then owners1 of a portable saw-mill and a ranch1 and gradually a store building partly paid for4 ,from the letters home1 showing their thrift and economy1 gradually came small sums lent to the far-away idol of the staid old ,judge's household4 ,cyrus was surprised and delighted one day to find a large bill of goods sent on to fill up their store and give them a start in their hard beginning4 ,it was the work and influence of that little brainy wife1 whose tender hands had grown harder by cooking1 mending1 and working for forty or more robust workmen1 and the reward it brought and the encouragement to both4 ,with a well-stocked grocery and comfortable surroundings1 ,cyrus began to look the world in the face quite complacently1 and take matters easier4 ,meanwhile1 the silent ambition of ,caroline determined1 if growing up with the country meant anything1 she would fathom its mystery1 and she continued to delve and save1 and plan and execute1 and encourage her husband in his extensive contracts4 ,here was a profit on forty laborers1 a margin on their payment in goods1 a rise in lumber1 and a golden opportunity to buy vast tracts of pine timber at very low figures in cash payments4 ,drawing on her savings the little wife advised wise investments4 ,,ii4 ,fifty-seven1 eight1 and nine were the three trying years in ,northern ,michigan4 ,many a man would cheerfully trade a load of shingles for a bag of corn1 and a thousand feet of timber for a single ham4 ,new ,england thrift was in the market1 and the little daughter of a discreet judge balanced the chances and made hay in sunshine most effectually4 ,four years passed by1 and a rapid rise in prices gradually increased the value of timber1 then lumber1 then shingles1 then lands1 and long before the war ended1 ,arthur and his once timid wife were among the wealthy citizens of the ,rapids4 ,a large1 strong frame1 and but little anxiety2 a dark1 swarthy complexion1 with a heavy black beard2 the face of such a man at thirty-eight showed less signs of wear than his little fair-faced companion at six years younger4 ,age1 climate1 work1 and care were telling on the slender build of ,caroline4 ,the rapid birth of three children in ten years told also their story of a mother's anxiety1 written in shading lines on her once delicate features4 ,absorbed in her duties as a wife1 she had little room for society1 while he1 a man relieved by riches from hard labor1 was approaching that prime of maturity when the world looks complacently upward to one who has prospered1 not even asking how1 or why1 or any reason4 ,long trips to large cities1 absence from home1 mingling often with wealthy lumbermen1 and assuming that position that wealth ever commands in society1 were doing for ,cyrus ,arthur what they will do for many in like situations4 ,he craved a larger field for usefulness1 he moved and settled in a large city2 he craved society1 he was a favorite with women2 he developed a fondness for the more forward class4 ,he fell2 he fell often4 ,if he had ever loved his devoted wife1 the author of all his success and prosperity1 he now grew unloving1 haunted by the caresses of more passionate women4 ,driven by appetite to seek the companionship of the brazen and deceitful1 he lost his self-respect1 his love of home1 and grew madly in love with a most bewitching character1 lately divorced from her husband4 ,a spell came over him2 8the trail of the serpent is over them all10--the 8twelfth temptation10 as shown in the powerful drama of its name1 that takes a farmer-boy in innocence1 carries him safely through the perils of a great city1 saves him from saloons and wine1 and larceny and dishonesty1 and at last when weakened by tampering with sin1 brings him face to face with such dazzling beauty that his fall before it seems as natural as his ruin later is effectual4 ,the trail of the serpent had crossed by the path of ,arthur4 ,the coil wound around him1 for he loved the bold siren who enchanted him1 and yielded to the twelfth temptation4 ,,iii4 8,for a woman can do with a man what she will20 yet a man who knows a woman thoroughly and loves her truly--and there are women who may be so known and loved--will find1 after a few years1 that his relish for the grosser pleasures is lessened1 and that he has grown into a fondness for the intellectual and refined amusements without an effort1 and almost unawares4 ,fettered and controlled by the witchery of his evil genius1 ,cyrus ,arthur lost all power but that borrowed of his seducer4 ,her counsel replaced the once wise confidence of a better companion4 ,her influence was as a loadstone in a compass1--it carried him in dumb obedience to her will4 ,he was absorbed1 confused1 bewitched1 stranded1 lost6 ,as often as they met in their evil way1 she demanded a divorce and insisted on early proceedings4 8,but the cause80 he would say4 8,cause80 she would answer2 8make a cause60 8,not so easily done10 replied her willing admirer4 8,money will do anything10 was her ready answer4 8,money will do anything10 repeated the fond lumberman2 8true1 money will do everything40 ,but how8 ,when1 and where8 ,these questions were all puzzling4 ,,iv4 ,there was a dark-faced inspector1 a man-of-all-work in lumber camp1 called ,roland1 who had often called at ,arthur's1 and who occasionally partook a little too freely of ,northern fire-water1 as the ,indians term it1 and whose poverty at such times would consent to almost anything1 on one pretence and another4 ,young ,roland was sent to inquire if ,mr4 ,arthur was in1 or if ,mrs4 ,arthur needed shopping done1 or errands attended to1 with instructions to hint that his employer was seen riding out with the enchantress in a cutter1 seemingly on the way to another village4 ,these little irritations were to be repeated for effect1 but no effect seems probable4 ,they did create some inquiry1 and at such dates of confidential conferences ,mrs4 ,arthur was alone with the hireling spy and listened to his inferences of her husband's indiscretions4 ,neither by word nor deed nor murmur did ,caroline exhibit a sign or symbol of her unhappiness1 save by the deeper lines and paler countenance that easily escaped detection to one who barely looked her in the eyes twice a day for months together4 ,it was a failure2 she would never act1 he must take the initiative4 ,armed with a sworn affidavit of her infidelity with ,roland on a recent occasion1 together with further papers to complete their separation and settle an alimony of a few thousand dollars as her share of their large property1 ,cyrus ,arthur visited his wife late at night as a robber would call for her jewels1 and demanded a complete surrender4 ,stunned and shocked1 and overcome by the intelligence1 she wept most bitterly1 pleaded1 begged1 and implored her husband1 in the name of ,heaven1 to spare her and her children from a disgrace so terrible4 ,the sighing of the pines in a ,northern forest would have moved him as soon from his purpose4 ,she was between him and an envied object2 he must succeed4 ,he was already goaded to desperation4 ,seizing the part of her plea relating to her little girls1 he made the worst of it4 8,if you would spare yourself and them from disgrace eternally1 make no denial and all shall be secret1 and no one the wiser40 8,can this be true80 asked the distracted mother of the other's lawyer4 8,yes10 he replied1 cases have been heard on default and divorces granted1 and not one scrap of bill or answer ever published4 8,what is a bill and answer80 questioned the little woman in her tears1 for she never dreamed of a divorce between her and her husband till that moment4 8,it is the ground and denial for divorce10 replied the attorney4 8,cyrus ,arthur10 said his wife1 as she looked at the eyes that evaded her earnestness1 8do you mean this proceeding1 or are you trifling80 8,i am in earnest10 he answered4 8,have you forgotten my home1 my surroundings1 the shock to my mother1 my father1 my own feelings1 my neighbors1 our children8 ,do you realize how you sin1 and wrong me8 8,how ,i have toiled and helped you1 planned our success6 ,how ,i have suffered1 gone almost in the grave1 in bringing you these children6 ,are you in earnest8 8,if your heart is not iron1 speak to me2 shall ,i deny such a foolish slander8 ,shall ,i tell you before ,god1 who will one day judge us all1 that every one of the charges are infamous lies and perjuries2 shall ,i place my word against his and you deny me80 8,but you cannot swear in court in such cases10 said the ready lawyer4 8,then ,heaven will hear me2 ,i am innocent4 ,and may the ,almighty end my life right here1 if ,i have ever1 by act or look1 or word or deed1 done aught that a true woman should not do in every day of our married life1 from first to last1 as ,god is my witness60 8,but your children80 he pleaded1 as if he had heard not a word of her earnest protest4 ,on and on they argued1 later and later grew the hour1 till1 worn out at midnight they passed her the papers1 and eight thousand dollars1 with which she was to return to her home in ,new ,england1 and abandon all defense to the proceeding1 including a release of all dower interest in his estate1 real and personal4 ,you may smile at the absurdity1 you may question the reason of such haste and compulsion4 8,but who1 alas6 can love and still be wise80 ,ask of the court records in every ,american city1 and you will find stronger cases and stronger instances1 more degradation1 greater hardship1 and equal perjury4 ,ask of one court and find this case6 ,no sleep nor rest comes to ,caroline ,arthur4 ,early dawn found her surrounded by her weeping children1 in alarm at the sudden illness1 for she only called it illness4 ,twice she started for the ,city ,national ,bank to deposit her money1 and twice relented4 ,once she determined to consult a neighbor1 and later concluded she would bear alone her sorrow4 ,hastily filing his bill and securing her appearance1 an early demand for a hearing before a commissioner1 in less than a single week came a divorce on the ground of infidelity4 ,elated by his victory1 with his deeds well recorded1 and the court's great seal granting their divorcement1 ,cyrus ,arthur stalked the streets in supreme confidence as a man of victory4 ,it is said that ,roman generals1 once victorious ever bore about with them the marks of conquerors2 so did our modern general1 but for a brief duration4 ,once in the newspapers1 and the busy streets were vocal with open denunciation4 8,eight thousand dollars from a property worth one hundred and fifty thousand dollars60 came from bankers4 8,the wife that made him what he is10 said another4 8,a shame to our civilization10 said the third4 8,a fraud1 a sham1 a pretext10 said another4 ,and the majority joined in the last anthem1--8a sham1 a pretext10 a trick to turn off his worn-out wife and marry that impious trader in unvirtue and immorality4 ,press interviews were had1 and the dear little lady of clean hands and honest heart1 whose soul shone as a diamond in the filth of foul slander around her1 utterly and consistently refuted and denied the whole story1 and related its history with marvellous circumstantial evidence to convince any reasonable person of her truthfulness4 ,indignation knew no bounds2 a firm of able lawyers at once filed a cross bill1 and a prayer to set aside the fraudulent bill and another to annul all conveyances to ,arthur2 and within almost as brief a limit as he had secured his decree she had been restored to her rights with a divorce from ,arthur and a thirty-thousand-dollar settlement4 ,he was driven from the city in infamy1 and she lived on in honor2 but the stain on the children was of a nature more permanent4 ,,unromantic ,,marriages4 ,grace ,hartwell graduated at ,hillsdale ,college in #ah--1 and settled as an assistant teacher in the ,union school on ,college ,hill1 living with her mother across the narrow river near by1 where she would pass the old homestead of ,richard ,baker1 son of a well-to-do farmer adjoining the village1 and who early became interested in the fair young teacher4 ,grace was a full brunette1 of fairer complexion than is common to her school of beauty4 ,she was beautiful1 with well rounded arms1 heavy black hair1 rosy lips1 white hands1 eyes of marked expression--eyes that stood out full1 and shone in striking contrasts1 the black portion and the white being clear and sharply defined4 ,grace was no less a beauty than a dreamer1 and longed for the kind of change that best suits a girl of her quick1 passionate1 and impulsive nature--a marriage4 ,richard was below the medium size1 with very light hair1 of slim figure1 reticent of speech1 shy and bashful1 especially so in the presence of ,grace1 whom he met at parties1 donations1 and college receptions1 so frequent and amusing in their lively village4 ,both went too long a distance for their dinner to make the trip agreeable1 and both often carried their daily lunches in little baskets for convenience4 ,on their homeward trips they met occasionally1 bowed1 passed the time of day1 chatted of the last night's party4 ,it was growing so much of a custom with ,richard to meet these road-side appointments1 self-made1 and well timed to match his lonely companion1 that they soon became a matter of each day's history4 ,grace was willing to listen1 ,richard was anxious to turn aside from his regular pathway and go round a square to bear her company4 ,they were in love without romance1 and against both the belief and expectation of all their associates4 ,she was the prize of the village2 he was neither well-off nor popular1 but plain and unhandsome4 ,he was not her only suitor1 but the first had taken some pique at her attentions to a stranger in the village1 that offended the haughty admirer of her beauty1 and each was claimant for her entire devotion4 ,miss ,hartwell's father was a tall black-eyed ,virginian1 warm-blooded1 swarthy1 and impulsive1 and liked not the manner of his daughter's new friendship4 ,he put his foot down with emphasis4 ,he insisted on obedience4 ,he wanted position1 old family1 wealth and social standing1 or no marriage4 ,grace could not always govern her scholars1 but herself she was determined to control4 ,herein both father and daughter were much alike4 ,time passed2 attachment increased by opposition4 ,such is more often the way of lovers separated2 but these were not wholly separated4 ,at the death of ,richard's stepfather a division of the estate netted a round three thousand to the young farmer1 who had done nearly all the farm work lately1 and now started on an early ,northwestern visit to the wheat-growing regions1 resolved on a test of climate1 comparison of prices1 and general outlook for an investment4 ,he bought early and largely in prairie lands of finest quality4 ,he struggled1 prospered1 and grew well-to-do as a farmer4 ,and what became of ,grace1 the teacher8 ,letters to and from ,dakota1 neatly written1 choicely worded1 and carefully punctuated1 from one side2 hurried notes1 badly composed1 from the other4 ,the mind is never quite full of two subjects at once1 and the surest cure for heartache is active employment and earnest work4 ,the increasing cares of farming1 the magnitude of the business1 the constant desire for money 7for the seed-time of farming is in its early stages71 were a source of daily anxiety to ,richard4 8,my poor ,richard0 was not a common name for a heading to ,grace's letters2 truly she had found a fit name for her absent lover2 a lover of land and of cattle1 a lover of acres and of reapers1 a lover of fences and shade-trees1 and a growing ,northwesterner2 but poor1 indeed1 in actual happiness4 ,they were married2 ,grace removed to her rude quarters and furnished them by taste1 skill1 and refinement4 ,she took to her new home all the delicacy of rare machine-work1 neat stitching1 and tidy ornaments of her ,eastern education2 the sewing of many odd hours of industry4 ,it seemed like an endless harvest1 a long busy day1 a strife and a struggle1 in a wilderness of bleak broad fields at great distance from market4 ,they raised vast crops1 but sold at low prices4 ,the panic of '#gc1 and the cold winter following1 made not a very happy honeymoon to both1 but they endured it all1 risked all in a fond large hope of abundant future riches4 ,in a land of no railroads 7it's changed now2 it's as much more brilliant to-day as an electric light compared with the light of a common candle71 ,dakota was then rather a dreary country4 ,sometimes1 it is true1 there would come over ,grace a feeling of lonesome homesickness4 ,it comes to a far-away settler many times in a lifetime2 but she would choke it under1 and resolve to be a brave wife and a worthy companion4 ,ten years have rolled by1 and times are better2 both are older1 worn a little by climate1 larger1 changed4 ,on the way to the ,national ,park ,i chanced past their village one evening on the great ,pacific ,railroad1 and mentioned 8,hillsdale0 incidentally4 ,i saw a woman turn half-way round and look towards me1 but went on unmindful of the situation4 ,suddenly her companion arose and asked me if ,i said ,hillsdale1 to which ,i assented1 and then a vacant seat was made and both came back and questioned me4 ,they were strange people1 truly4 ,he a stout-built1 long-bearded man1 half gray1 with buffalo overcoat1 fur cap and mittens on2 she well wrapped in beaver2 both ,western-looking in every particular4 8,you spoke of ,hillsdale1 sir10 began the woman2 8and we lived there once1 and feel curious to know if you would not remain all night with us4 ,we have a farm near by next station4 ,i hope you will consent to spend the night with us20 clearly the woman was the social leader4 ,there was a pleading in the look1 a frank expression that said1 ,please do1 and ,i consented4 ,two miles1 a drive by a cold open sleigh-ride--cold is hardly strong enough to mark the term1--and we found a low unpainted farm-house1 plastered below1 with chamber-floor for ceiling overhead1 and rudely formed walls2 a house of three rooms1 mainly in two2 a farm of six thousand acres1 five teams1 three tenant-houses1 wagons and sleighs and farming-tools without stint1 but comfort nowhere4 ,after breakfast the farmer fed his flocks and attended to his general chores1 while ,i stayed in and chatted by a sickly pretence of fire made of bad coal and green kindling-wood4 ,i had seen1 each time as he came in1 how gently he handled his little pet dogs1 that seemed their only children1 how deeply absorbed he was in farm and stock1 and how anxious he was ,i should see the ranch1 but how little he noticed his superior companion4 8,where are your children80 ,i ventured to inquire4 8,they are all three yonder in the field10 she said1 and ,i knew they all slept in narrow houses there4 ,this seemed to let loose the flood that held her feelings since the night before4 8,but for my husband10 she added1 8,i should go home ere this4 ,he promised me to go as soon as the road was built2 but then it costs so much1 we keep on putting off from year to year4 ,but ,i am longing so much to go6 ,and when ,i heard that word ,hillsdale last night1 it filled me so full of home ,i could not contain myself4 ,i hope you were not offended2 but it seemed if some one would come and talk to me1 my life would all be new again6 ,it is so blank1 so bleak1 so cold and desolate1 and ,i am heart hungry40 ,the tears came fast1 and filled her large dark eyes and softened down her voice to tones of confidence4 ,with eagerness she spoke of care1 and work and trouble1 sorrow and neglect2 for1 in his greed of gain1 he had forgotten her as year by year rolled on1 and both were growing older fast1 and he not heeding it1--living on in his farm1 reapers1 sheep and crops2 his heart was full of such1 and had no room for her1 no room for life4 8,and you have been out here for fifteen years80 ,i said4 8,how many years in that long time have you really lived80 8,lived60 said ,grace--for this was ,grace and ,richard1 as you must know ere this--8lived60 she replied2--8in work and trouble a long life indeed2 in happiness1 not one year yet4 ,we have been waiting every year for that good time to come when we would find our happiness2 we have not found it yet4 ,the more he gets1 the more he wants4 ,land means care1 and taxes1 and hired men1 anxiety of crops1 and overwork4 8,i had rather live one year back by the old farm school-house1 when ,i carried my dinner to my school1 and had a loving group of faces looking into my eyes each noon1 and loving me1 than own all our acres and be here a dozen years4 8,life is not all in years to me6 ,i have learned that lesson dearly1 learned it living where we see so little of real life that memory is all the hope ,i have40 8,starving amid plenty is cruelty10 ,i said4 8,sell half and live while you may4 ,you are wasting your whole lives in a fruitless hunt for happiness40 ,i have since learned that my visit was a revolution and reform1 and that they are living better4 ,and ,i thought1 as ,i turned to the ,states and cast a long sad look at the lonely form in the doorway1 and one at the bundle of robes beside me1 who was driving me to the land of daily enjoyment1 if their children had grown up and lived in such a place1 where would have been their hope8 ,in land and horses6 ,where their company8 ,the company of flocks and cattle4 ,the hope of sometime finding more congenial quarters4 ,i turned in sadness1 saying inwardly1 8,god pity the land-poor farmers1 and pity their wives1 and show them the lives they are leading60 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,science ,,of ,a ,,new ,,life4 ,,by ,,john ,,cowan1 ,m4 ,d4 ,a ,book ,well ,worth ,possessing by ,every ,thoughtful ,man and ,woman4 ,the 8,science of a ,new ,life0 has received the highest testimonials and commendations from leading medical and religious critics2 has been heartily endorsed by all the leading philanthropists1 and recommended to every well-wisher of the human race4 ,,to ,,all ,,who ,,are ,,married ,or are contemplating marriage1 it will give information worth ,,hundreds ,,of ,,dollars1 besides conferring a lasting benefit1 not only upon them1 but upon their children4 ,every thinking man and woman should study this work4 ,any person desiring to know more about the book before purchasing it1 may send to us for our #af-page descriptive circular1 giving full and complete table of contents4 ,it will be sent free by mail to any address4 ,the following is the table of contents4 ,marriage and its advantages2 ,age at which to marry2 ,the ,law of choice2 ,love ,analyzed2 ,qualities the ,man ,should ,avoid in ,choosing2 ,qualities the ,woman ,should ,avoid in ,choosing2 ,the ,anatomy and ,physiology of ,generation in ,women2 ,the ,anatomy and ,physiology of ,generation in ,man2 ,amativeness--its ,use and ,abuse2 ,the ,prevention of ,conception2 ,the ,law of ,continence2 ,children--,their ,desirability2 ,the ,law of ,genius2 ,the ,conception of a ,new ,life2 ,the ,physiology of ,inter-,uterine ,growth2 ,period of ,gestative ,influence2 ,pregnancy--,its ,signs and ,duration2 ,disorders of ,pregnancy2 ,confinement2 ,management of ,mother and ,child after ,delivery2 ,period of ,nursing ,influence2 ,fticide2 ,diseases ,peculiar to ,women2 ,diseases ,peculiar to ,men2 ,masturbation2 ,sterility and ,impotence2 ,subjects of which ,more ,might be ,said2 ,a ,happy ,married ,life--,how ,secured4 ,the book is a handsome #h,,vo1 and contains over #djj ,,pages1 with more than #ajj ,,illustrations1 and is sold at the following ,,prices--,,english ,,cloth1 ,,beveled ,,boards1 ,,gilt ,,side ,,and ,,back1 #c4jj2 ,,leather1 ,,sprinkled ,,edges1 #c4ej2 ,,half ,,turkey ,,morocco1 ,,marbled ,,edges1 ,,gilt ,,back1 #d4jj4 ,sent by mail1 post-paid1 to any address1 on receipt of price4 ,,commendations4 8,in a careful examination of ,dr4 ,cowan's ,,science ,,of ,a ,,new ,,life1 ,i am prepared to give it my very cordial approval4 ,it deserves to be in every family1 and read and pondered1 as closely relating to the highest moral and physical well-being of all its members4444 ,the essential remedy for these great evils is to be found in ,dr4 ,cowan's work2 therefore1 may it be circulated far and wide40 ,,william ,,lloyd ,,garrison4 8,as it is easier to generate a race of healthy men and women than to regenerate the diseased and discordant humanity we now have1 ,i heartily recommend the study of ,,the ,,science ,,of ,a ,,new ,,life to every father and mother in the land40 ,,elizabeth ,,cady ,,stanton4 8,it seems to us to be one of the wisest1 and purest1 and most helpful of those ,books which have been written in recent years1 with the intention of teaching ,men and ,women the ,truths about their ,bodies1 which are of peculiar importance to the morals of ,society4444 ,no one can begin to imagine the misery that has come upon the human family solely through ignorance upon this subject40 ,,the ,,christian ,,union4 ,if1 after reading the above1 you wish to get a copy of the book1 send us the money by ,post-office order or registered letter1 and we will send it by return mail4 ,agents wanted to whom we offer liberal terms4 ,send to us at once for confidential terms1 and state what territory you can work to advantage4 ,address all orders and applications for an agency to ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie ,publisher1 ,p4 ,o4 ,,box #bgfg4 ,,rose ,,street1 ,,new ,,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,are ,,you ,,thinking ,,about ,,building ,a ,,house8 ,illustration ,,it ,,is ,,easy ,,enough ,,to ,,build ,a ,,house ,,at ,a ,,low ,,cost ,,if ,,you ,,start ,,right and the way to start right is to buy the new book1 ,,palliser',s ,,american ,,architecture2 or1 ,every ,man a ,complete ,builder1 prepared by ,palliser1 ,palliser ,co41 the well-known ,architects4 ,a careful examination of this book will save you hundreds of dollars4 ,there is not a ,builder1 or anyone intending to build or otherwise interested1 that can afford to be without it4 ,it is a practical work1 and the best1 cheapest and most popular book ever issued on ,building4 ,nearly four hundred drawings4 ,a #aj book in size and style1 but we have determined to make it meet the popular demand1 to suit the times4 ,it contains #ajd pages1 #aa x #ad inches in size1 and consists of large #i x #ab plate pages1 giving plans1 elevations1 perspective views1 descriptions1 owners' names1 actual cost of construction1 no guesswork1 and instructions ,,how ,,to ,,build #gj ,cottages1 ,villas1 ,double ,houses1 ,brick ,block ,houses1 suitable for city suburbs1 town and country1 houses for the farm1 and workingmen's homes for all sections of the country1 and costing from #hjj to #f1ejj2 also ,barns1 ,stables1 ,school ,house1 ,town ,hall1 ,churches1 and other public buildings1 together with specifications1 forms of contract1 and a large amount of information on the erection of buildings1 selection of site1 employment of ,architects4 ,it is worth #aj to any one1 but we will send it in paper cover by mail1 postpaid1 on receipt of #a4jj2 bound in cloth1 #b4jj4 ,address all orders to ,j4 ,s4 ,,ogilvie1 ,publisher1 #eg ,rose ,st41 ,new ,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,the author of this book is listed in other sources as ,james ,w4 ,donovan using the pseudonym ,hildreth4 ,punctuation has been made consistent4 ,variations in spelling and hyphenation were retained as they appear in the original publication1 except that obvious typographical errors have been corrected4 ,the following changes were made3 p4 #ed3 that removed 7and trials come7 p4 #fe3 it added 7for it a7