,,hotel ,,cecil1 ,,london4 ,the ,most ,fashionable and ,popular ,hotel in ,europe4 ,,magnificent ,,suites ,,of ,,rooms ,,for ,,public ,,private ,,banquets1 ,,receptions1 c4 8,,table ,,talk40 #b;d4 ,,weekly4 ,,on ,,all ,,bookstalls4 ,,manners ,,for ,,men ,,manners ,,for ,,men ,,by ,,mrs4 ,,humphry 78,,madge0 ,,of 8,,truth07 ,london ,,james ,,bowden #aj1 ,,henrietta ,,street ,,covent ,,garden1 ,w4,c4 #ahig ,,manners ,,for ,,men4 ,,first ,,edition ,february1 #ahig4 ,,second ,,edition ,march1 #ahig4 ,,contents4 ,,page ,,woman',s ,,ideal ,,man #a ,,in ,,the ,,street #ab ,,in ,a ,,carriage #bi ,,in ,a ,,hansom #ca ,,smoking #cb ,,in ,,or ,,on ,,an ,,omnibus #cf ,,on ,,horseback #db ,,driving #df ,,games ,,and ,,recreations #ej ,,rule ,,of ,,the ,,road ,,on ,,the ,,river #ec ,,dinner-,,parties #ee ,,public ,,dinners #hc ,,at ,a ,,restaurant #hh ,,at ,,lunch #ia ,,five ,o',,clock ,,tea ,,and ,,afternoon ,,at-,,homes #id ,,at ,,the ,,play #if ,,at ,a ,,ball #ajc ,,engagement ,,and ,,marriage #ajh ,,dress #aac ,,country ,,life #aai ,,visiting-,,cards ,,and ,,calls #aba ,,manner #aca ,,in ,,church #ade ,,correspondence #adh ,,personal ,,speech ,,with ,,royalty ,,and ,,rank #aeh ,,manners ,,for ,,men4 ,,woman',s ,,ideal ,,man4 ,i suppose there was never yet a woman who had not somewhere set up on a pedestal in her brain an ideal of manhood4 ,he is by no means immutable1 this paragon4 ,on the contrary1 he changes very often4 ,sidenote3 ,the ideal changes with the idealist4 ,if1 however1 the woman whose ideal he is grows upward in every way as she grows older1 then these changes all go to improve him1 and by the time he is finished he is a very fine creature4 ,he never is finished till the brain of his creator ceases to work1 till she has added her last touch to him1 and has laid down the burden of life and gone elsewhere1 perhaps to some happy land where ideals are more frequently realised than ever happens here4 ,sidenote3 ,my ideal man4 ,like every other woman1 ,i have my ideal of manhood4 ,the difficulty is to describe it4 ,first of all1 he must be a gentleman2 but that means so much that it1 in its turn1 requires explanation4 ,gentleness and moral strength combined must be the salient characteristics of the 8gentleman10 together with that polish that is never acquired but in one way3 constant association with those so happily placed that they have enjoyed the influences of education and refinement all through their lives4 ,he must be thoughtful for others1 kind to women and children and all helpless things1 tender-hearted to the old and the poor and the unhappy1 but never foolishly weak in giving where gifts do ,sidenote3 ,a man's brain should be as fine as his heart4 harm instead of good--his brain must be as fine as his heart1 in fact4 ,there are few such men2 but they do exist4 ,i know one or two4 ,reliable as rocks1 judicious in every action1 dependable in trifles as well as the large affairs of life1 full of mercy and kindness to others1 affectionate and well-loved in their homes1 their lives are pure and kindly4 ,it was once said by a clever man that no one could be a gentleman all round who had not ,sidenote3 ,the furnace of experience4 knocked about the world and associated with all sorts and conditions of men1 high and low1 rich and poor1 good and bad4 ,experiences like these are like the processes for refining gold4 ,the man who emerges unharmed from the fire of poverty and its associations1 and who retains his independent manliness in relations with those high-placed1 must have within him a fibre of strength that is the true essence of manliness4 ,so many1 alas6 go down1 down1 when 8puirtith cauld0 touches them with her terrible1 chilly finger4 ,and so many become obsequious and subservient1 false to themselves1 in dealings with those above them4 ,well6 my ideal does neither4 ,he is always true to himself1 and 8cannot then be false to any man40 ,and he must have a sense of humour1 too1 otherwise he would be far ,sidenote3 ,humour an essential4 from perfect4 ,how life is brightened by a sense of fun6 ,think of what breakfast1 lunch1 and dinner would be if all were to be as solemn and as serious as some folk would have it6 ,if good manners are not practised at home1 but are allowed to lie by until occasion calls upon their wearer to assume them1 they are ,sidenote3 ,on behaviour in one's own home4 sure to be a bad fit when donned4 ,it may be a trifle of the smallest to acquire a habit of saying 8if you please0 and 8thank you0 readily1 but it is no trifling defect in a young man to fail to do so4 ,if he does not jump up to open the door for his mother or sister1 he may omit to do so some day when the neglect will tell against him in the estimation of those to please whom he would gladly give much4 ,carelessness in dress and personal appearance amount to bad manners4 ,in the home there is sometimes a disagreeable negligence in this respect4 ,at the breakfast-table unkempt hair1 untended finger-nails1 and a far from immaculate collar are occasionally to be seen1 especially on late-comers who do not practise the ingratiating politeness of punctuality4 ,lounging1 untidy habits are another form of bad manners4 ,the ill-bred young man smokes ,sidenote3 ,the ill-bred young man at home4 all over the house1 upstairs and downstairs1 and even in his mother's drawing-room4 ,he may be traced from room to room by the litter of newspapers and magazines he leaves behind him4 ,the present fashion of taking one's reading in pills1 so to speak1 snatching it in scrappy paragraphs from weekly miscellanies1 is but too favourable to this lack of order4 ,in this young man's own room there is chaos4 ,the maids have endless trouble in clearing up after him4 ,his tobacco is spilled over tables1 chairs1 and carpets4 ,his handkerchiefs1 ties1 socks1 and collars are lying about in every corner of the room4 ,he is too indolent even to put his boots outside the door at night that they may be cleaned in the morning4 ,to save himself trouble he bangs all the doors instead of gently latching them4 ,and yet1 perhaps1 if he could but realise that all this is 8bad manners10 he would become as neat as he is now the reverse1 and would be as decorative at table as he is1 at the present moment1 unornamental4 ,it is not only young men whose standard of behaviour in the home is a low one4 ,masters of the ,sidenote3 8,young0 men not alone culpable4 house1 fathers of families1 men of middle age1 who are terribly put out if any one fails in duty to them1 are sometimes conspicuously ill-bred in everyday matters4 ,they are late for every meal1 to the discomfort of the other members of the family and the great inconvenience of the servants4 ,polite to the world outside1 they are brusque and disagreeable in their manner at home3 rough to the servants1 rude to their wives1 and irritable with their children4 ,sometimes a good heart and considerable family affection are hidden away behind all this1 but the families of such men would be very glad to compound for a little less affection and hidden goodness and rather more gentleness and outward polish4 ,apart from faults of temper1 men fall into careless habits of speech and manner at home1 and one form of this1 viz41 habitually using strong language in the presence ,sidenote3 ,on strong language4 of women and children1 is particularly offensive4 ,besides1 it defeats itself2 for if the forcible expressions are intended to express disapprobation1 they soon become weak and powerless to do so1 because they are used on every possible occasion4 ,after a time they lose all meaning4 ,i know a family where there are sons and daughters1 the latter charming and in every respect young gentlewomen4 ,but the sons fall far below their level4 ,sidenote3 ,a typical family4 ,they come to the door with thundering knocks that make every one in the house start disagreeably with surprise1 walk through the hall without introducing their muddy boots to either scraper or doormat1 sit down to meals without the usual preliminary of hand-washing and hair-brushing1 and are altogether rough and unpresentable4 ,if friends call at the house these young men rush away from the chance of encountering them2 or1 if they cannot help meeting them1 they blush scarlet1 look very gauche and uncomfortable1 and feel miserable4 ,they knock things over out of pure awkwardness1 and never realise that the secret of the whole matter is the want of self-training4 ,sidenote3 ,the secret of the whole matter4 ,girls are animated by a greater wish to please1 an amiable desire that need not be confounded with vanity1 and this wish has led the sisters of these young men to practise those small acts of daily self-denial which after awhile produce the highest self-culture so far as manners go4 ,sidenote3 ,the feminine motive4 ,what is habitual neatness but constant coercion of human nature's innate indolence8 ,what is politeness in the home but the outcome of affection and self-respect1 and the suppression of all those natural instincts of self-seeking that1 allowed their way1 produce the worst manners in the world8 ,if any young man desires to be a perfect gentleman1 he must begin in his own home4 ,sidenote3 ,the young man every one loves4 ,it is delightful to see some young men unobtrusively attentive to their sisters1 watchful of every need of their father and mother1 cheerful and pleasant in their manner1 full of fun and brightness1 yet never losing the gentleness that denotes the fine nature1 and so beloved in the home for all these endearing qualities1 that when they leave it they are sadly missed4 ,the father misses them for the pleasant companionship2 the sisters miss them for the boyish spirits and the exuberant fun that never exceeds the bounds of good taste and refinement2 and the mother misses them more than any one else1 for no one better than she knows how many times a day her boys have set aside their own wishes in deference to hers1 quietly1 silently1 unostentatiously--in a word1 out of pure good manners1 in the deepest1 highest1 truest sense of the words4 ,sidenote3 8,gentle1 yet virile40 ,such gentle1 virile natures look out at the world through the countenance1 which is a letter of recommendation to them wherever they go4 ,i have but faintly sketched my ideal4 ,the following pages may fill in the remaining touches4 ,many men who go out into the world while still very young to earn their living have few opportunities of acquiring a knowledge of social observances4 ,sidenote3 ,difficulties in the way4 ,leaving home when boys1 at an age when they are utterly careless of such things as etiquette and the 8nice conduct of a cane10 they live in lodgings or at boarding-houses of the cheaper sort1 where the amenities of existence have to yield to its practicalities4 ,sidenote3 8,where amenities yield to practicalities40 ,meals are served in a fashion that means despatch rather than elegance1 economy rather than taste1 and very few hints can be picked up for the guidance of young fellows when they enter the homes of friends and acquaintances4 ,sidenote3 ,the penalty of ignorance4 ,their anxiety to fall in accurately and easily with the observances of those they meet on such occasions is as great as it is natural4 ,they know well that to fail in these trifling acts of omission and commission is tacitly to acknowledge that they are unversed in the ways of good society4 ,sidenote3 ,the aspirant is not necessarily a snob4 ,there is not necessarily any snobbishness in this4 ,a man may be perfectly manly and yet most unwilling to show himself inferior in any way to others of the class to which he belongs by birth and education4 ,even should those with whom he occasionally associates be his superiors1 is he not right to try to rise8 ,sidenote3 ,culture and polish are realities4 ,culture may mean little or nothing to the uncultured4 ,polish may be an empty word to the unpolished4 ,but they are realities1 and go far to produce an inward and corresponding refinement of mind and spirit4 ,there are thousands of young men in ,london alone at this very moment who are longing to acquire the ease and aplomb of good society4 ,sidenote3 ,the desire to rise deserves encouragement4 ,the desire is worthy of all encouragement4 ,only those with real good in them can feel it4 ,the men who are destitute of it are those who associate with their inferiors1 contentedly accept a low moral standard1 adopt a mode of speech and action that is coarse and rough1 and finally let themselves down to the frequenting of public-houses and places of amusement1 where the entertainment has been carefully planned to suit the uneducated1 the low-born1 and others whose vitiated taste leads them to dislike what is lovely and of good report1 and to revel in the reverse4 ,but1 unfortunately1 many a good fellow has been driven to seek companionship with those beneath him by the very difficulty he experiences in getting on in society4 ,sidenote3 ,men to be pitied4 ,he fancies that his small solecisms are the subject of observation and comment1 and he suffers agonies of mauvaise honte4 ,sidenote3 ,a word to girls4 ,girls often laugh very unkindly at shy youths1 when they might find opportunities of acting the good angel to them1 and by the exercise of tact screening from observation those failures in good manners which are inevitable to the inexperienced4 ,when he finds himself the butt of a few giggling girls1 a young man feels miserably uncomfortable and humiliated1 and he vows to himself that he will never again put himself in the way of such annoyance4 ,consequently he cuts good society1 not realising that he would very soon overcome these initial difficulties and feel at home in it4 ,he must find amusement somewhere4 ,it is only natural to youth to crave it4 ,at first his taste is jarred by those inferior to him1 and his fastidiousness offended by their manners4 ,sidenote3 8,we first endure1 then pity1 then embrace40 ,but1 such is the fatal adaptability of human nature to what is bad for it1 he soon becomes accustomed to all that he at first objected to1 and even forgets that he had ever found anything disagreeable in it4 ,after a few months his speech begins to assimilate the errors of those about him in his leisure hours4 ,he uses the very expressions that jarred upon him at first4 ,his dress and carriage deteriorate1 and he is well on his way downhill in life long before he realises that he has quitted his own level1 probably for ever4 ,sidenote3 8,if he had only held his own60 ,and if only he had held his own at a few gatherings1 and acquired experience1 even at the cost of a little present pain and mortification1 he would in the same interval of time be enjoying society1 educating himself in its customs1 and acquiring that exterior polish which comes of intimate acquaintance with its rules and ease in practising them4 ,should this little manual of manners be of use to any such in enabling them to master the theory1 as it were1 of social customs in the educated classes1 it will have attained its aim4 ,sidenote3 ,the object of this book4 ,i have always felt the greatest compassion for young men when first introduced1 after school and college life1 to the routine of dinner1 dance1 and ball4 ,sidenote3 ,those early days6 ,i have not forgotten the days when shyness made my own heart sink at the prospect of a dinner-party and when the hardest task on earth was the finding of nothings to say to a partner at a ball4 ,it is a miserable feeling of confusion and gaucherie1 and if ,i can in any way avert it from others it will be a source of great gratification to me4 ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,the rule of the road is a simple one1 though it is often forgotten or neglected--8,keep to the right40 ,sidenote3 8,the rule of the road40 ,easy enough for women1 it is complicated in the case of men by the necessity of always remaining on the kerb side of any lady they may be accompanying4 ,should the lady keep to the right in meeting or in passing other persons1 her escort may either keep by her or go out in the road4 ,he will be able to judge for himself which course will be advisable4 ,sidenote3 ,a man's duty is always to his lady4 ,his first duty is always to his companion1 but that need not make him wanting in courtesy to other women4 ,if remaining by the side of his companion should involve any inconvenience to the ladies of the other party1 then he must give up his position1 and go out into the roadway to let the latter pass4 ,should these be men1 no consideration is necessary4 ,he keeps close by his lady's side4 ,sidenote3 8,in crowded streets40 ,in crowded streets he may often have to fall behind1 but he should never allow any one to interpose between her and him4 ,should the pressure from the crowd become extreme1 his duty is to protect her from it as much as possible1 but never by putting his arm round her waist4 ,a hand on either side the lady's shoulders is usually sufficient4 ,sidenote3 ,salutations4 ,in meeting acquaintances a nod is sufficient for a male friend1 unless his age or position is such as to render it advisable to raise the hat4 ,should a lady be with the acquaintance1 any man meeting them must raise his hat4 ,so must the individual walking with the lady4 ,the etiquette of bowing is a simple one4 ,sidenote3 ,the right of acknowledgment rests with the lady4 ,male acquaintances always wait for acknowledgement on the part of female1 as well as from those men who are their superiors in age or position4 ,but this does not mean that they are shyly to look away from them and to ignore them4 ,on the contrary1 they must show clearly by their manner that they are on the look-out for some sign of recognition and are ready to reply to it4 ,sidenote3 ,on waiting for acknowledgment4 ,shyness often interferes with this and makes a young man look away1 and this is occasionally misconstrued as indifference and resented as such4 ,the calm1 quiet1 collected expression of face that suits the occasion is not achieved at once4 ,sometimes the over-anxiety to make a good impression defeats itself1 producing a blushing eagerness better suited to a girlish than a manly countenance4 ,this1 however1 is a youthful fault that is not without its ingratiating side1 though young men view it in themselves and in each other with unbounded scorn4 ,sidenote3 ,on self-contempt4 ,this sentiment of self-contempt is a frequent one in young people of both sexes4 ,their valuation of themselves varies as much as the barometer1 and is as much affected by outward causes4 ,after a 8snub10 real or fancied1 it goes down to zero1 but as a rule it speedily recovers itself1 and in most young men enjoys an agreeable thermometer of #he or so in the shade6 ,the well-mannered man never puts out his hand in greeting until a lady extends hers4 ,sidenote3 ,offering the hand4 ,this is a test of good breeding that is constantly applied4 ,to those uninitiated in the ways of society1 it would naturally appear the right thing to give as cordial a greeting as possible4 ,therefore the hand is held out1 even on introduction to a perfect stranger4 ,this is wrong4 ,the first move in the direction of cordiality must come from the lady1 the whole code of behaviour being based on the assumption that she is the social superior4 ,the same holds good with elders and men of higher rank4 ,when a man is introduced to these he raises his hat and bows1 though slightly4 ,it is only to kings and princes that a low bow is made1 or to those whose character and eminent position render an introduction to them a very high honour4 ,sidenote3 ,introducing men to men4 ,in introducing two men to each other the name of the inferior is mentioned first4 ,by the inferior ,i mean the younger1 the less important1 or of lower rank4 ,suppose one of the two to be a familiar friend1 and another a comparatively new acquaintance1 then formality requires that the familiar friend shall be introduced to the other1 being named first4 ,the reason for this is that one naturally stands more on ceremony with the man one knows least4 ,there may be counteracting circumstances1 however1 which would tend to reverse this order of things1 but as a general rule1 the social rank of both being equal1 the above holds good4 ,sidenote3 ,introducing men to ladies4 ,never introduce a lady to a gentleman2 but always the gentleman to the lady4 ,that is1 mention the man's name first1 addressing yourself to the woman--thus3 8,allow me to introduce my friend ,mr4 ,smith1 ,miss ,jones40 ,and follow this up immediately by saying1 8,miss ,jones10 addressing ,mr4 ,smith as you do so4 ,it is a grave solecism to begin by introducing the lady4 ,tyros very naturally conclude that the lady's name should be first mentioned2 but on thinking it over they will soon perceive that to do so would infer that she is the lesser consideration of the two4 ,sidenote3 8,woman's social superiority40 ,it must always be borne in mind that the assumption of woman's social superiority lies at the root of these rules of conduct4 ,it is bad manners to introduce people without permission4 ,sidenote3 ,on permission to introduce4 ,nor must this permission be asked in the hearing of the second party4 ,if ,mr4 ,a4 wishes to know ,miss ,b41 the lady's leave must be obtained before he can be presented to her4 ,the only exception to this rule is at a dance or ball1 where introductions need not be regarded as leading to acquaintanceship4 ,they are only for the dance1 and may be ignored next day4 ,sidenote3 ,on recognition after a dance4 ,here1 again1 it is the lady's privilege to ignore her partner1 if she choose4 ,but if she should bow to him he must raise his hat1 whether he desires to follow up the acquaintanceship or not4 ,objections more frequently arise on the woman's side2 but should a man prefer to drop the matter he can manage to convey in his manner a disinclination to do so1 and yet behave with perfect politeness4 ,a man ,i knew was once introduced at a ball to a girl1 with whom he had danced two or three times4 ,before he met her again he heard that she had been actively concerned in circulating a slander about another girl whom circumstances had misrepresented4 ,i happened to see the next meeting between the two4 ,sidenote3 ,engineering an awkward point4 ,the girl bowed1 smiled1 and showed some sign of an intention to stop and talk4 ,the man raised his hat1 looked extremely solemn and unsociable1 and passed on4 ,it was enough4 ,the girl understood that he did not wish to resume the ball-room acquaintanceship1 and very probably guessed why4 ,he did it beautifully4 ,sidenote3 ,the hat and the promenade4 ,before leaving the subject of the promenade1 ,i must clearly explain that the hat must be raised even in saluting a very familiar friend1 if 7a7 that friend is accompanied by a lady1 and 7b7 when one is oneself accompanied by a lady1 even if she be only a mother or sister4 ,it is one of the signs of caste that a man is equally polite to his relatives as he is to the relatives of others4 ,sidenote3 ,one's duty to one's own relatives4 ,we all know what to think of a man who omits small social duties where his wife is concerned4 ,even when he proves by paying them duly to other women that he is aware of what he ought to do1 he is at once set down as ill-bred--a 8cad10 in fact4 ,sidenote3 ,a case in point4 ,i once saw a ,lord ,mayor of ,london enter his carriage before his wife1 who scrambled in after him as though well accustomed to do so4 ,one does not expect the refinement of good manners from civic dignitaries1 as a rule1 but this little action told the spectators more about the man than they would ever have found out in the newspapers4 ,they at once perceived that he was unversed in the ways of good society4 ,but some one may suggest that this may have been on some state occasion1 when his mayoral dignity obliged him to precede his wife4 ,sidenote3 ,the lady first under every circumstance4 ,no4 ,it was after a wedding4 ,and besides1 can any one fancy the ,prince of ,wales in any circumstances entering his carriage without having previously handed in the ,princess1 should she be his companion8 ,sidenote3 ,when accompanied by dogs4 ,if accompanied by a dog1 or dogs1 their owner must hold himself responsible for their good behaviour4 ,if his pets trespass in any way he must apologise for them1 and do his best to repair any damage they have done4 ,should one of his dogs jump on a lady and make her gown muddy1 he must offer his services and endeavour to get rid of the traces of the accident1 if the lady wishes4 ,should she show a disinclination to accept his aid1 he must at once withdraw1 raising his hat as he does so4 ,should his dog attack another dog he must immediately call him off1 administer correction1 and apologise to the owner of the dog assaulted4 ,i saw a young man once1 in these circumstances1 beat the other dog1 after his own had jumped on it and bitten its ear6 ,he was dressed like a gentleman1 but his behaviour gave a truer indication of him than did his garments4 ,sidenote3 ,on whistling and singing4 ,whistling and singing are incompatible with the conduct of a gentleman in the street1 though this by no means applies to a quiet country road1 where ceremonious bearing is not required4 ,sidenote3 ,carriage of the hands4 ,nor is it permitted to wear the hands in the pockets when walking in the ,park1 or the streets of a town or city4 ,this is probably one of the reasons that the cane or stick is still carried1 though the original cause1 that of self-defence in an age that was destitute of law and order1 fortunately exists no longer4 ,there are men who would not know what to do with their hands if they had not a cane or umbrella4 ,sidenote3 ,a word to parents4 ,this is partly the fault of those who have charge of boys when they are growing and who allow them to lounge about in slovenly attitudes with their hands for ever in their pockets4 ,then when they begin to enter society they are quite at a loss4 ,sidenote3 ,and schoolmasters4 ,at schools where boys are regularly drilled the whole effect of the drilling is done away with by the way in which the boys are allowed to sit and stand in the most remarkable attitudes of slouching awkwardness4 ,it is only when they are at drill or out walking with the masters that any notice is taken of their carriage4 ,and yet it is an important point with regard to health that the shoulders should be held well back1 the chest forward1 and the head up4 ,sidenote3 ,on rendering slight services4 ,should a man be so fortunate as to be of some service to any lady in the street1 such as picking up a parcel or sunshade she may have dropped1 or helping her out of any small difficulty1 he must raise his hat and withdraw at once4 ,such trifling acts as these do not by any means constitute an acquaintanceship1 and to remain by her side when the incident is over would look like presuming on what he had done1 as though it gave him a right to her continued acknowledgments4 ,this would be ungentlemanly4 ,at the same time1 these occurrences are sometimes deliberately planned by girls and women with a direct view to scraping acquaintance with young men4 ,sidenote3 ,on girls making advances4 ,it is scarcely necessary to say that girls who stoop to this kind of manuvring are hardly ever gentlewomen4 ,members of good families have been known to do such things in the wild exuberance of youth and high spirits1 but they cannot hope to retain the respect of those who know them when they deliberately lower themselves in such ways as these4 ,sidenote3 ,the risk to one's good name4 ,picking up promiscuous male acquaintances is a practice fraught with danger4 ,it cannot be denied that girls of the lower middle classes are often prone to it2 and there are thousands of young men who have no feminine belongings in the great towns and cities where they live1 and who are found responsive to this indiscriminating mode of making acquaintances4 ,sidenote3 ,the method can produce little good4 ,but they must often hesitate before choosing as wife a girl who shows so little discretion as to walk and talk with young men of whom she knows nothing beyond what they choose to tell her4 ,sidenote3 ,seaside 8,flirtations40 ,the seaside season is prolific in these chance acquaintanceships--8flirtations10 as they may perhaps be called4 ,bicycling is well known to favour them4 ,but as they are far removed from the practices of the class of society to which belong those gentlemen of whom this little book treats1 they may be dismissed with a few words of advice4 ,should any young man become acquainted with a girl in this manner1 let him show his innate chivalry by treating her in every way as he would wish his own sister to be treated in similar circumstances4 ,sidenote3 ,should the man become attached4 ,if he becomes attached to her1 let him first find out all about her that he possibly can1 and should what he hears be encouraging1 then let him ask her to introduce him to her family as a suitor for her hand4 ,should the girl fall in love with him1 let him protect her against herself like a preux chevalier1 like an honourable and high-minded ,english gentleman4 ,sidenote3 ,should he be unable to reciprocate4 ,if he feels that he cannot reciprocate her sentiment1 he should give up seeing her4 ,should she1 as some girls of the kind have been known to do1 pursue him with letters making appointments1 she makes his task of renunciation a difficult one1 but he should fulfil it nevertheless4 ,it is difficult in this way4 ,suppose a girl writes to a young man3 8,meet me at the tea-rooms1 ,no4 #ddj1 ,bond ,street1 to-morrow afternoon40 ,there is no chance of replying in time to prevent her going there1 and to absent himself would be to administer a severe snub to a girl whom he likes very well1 and who has flattered his self-love in many ways during their acquaintanceship4 ,what can he do8 ,sidenote3 8,her ultimate welfare40 ,it is a point that he must decide for himself1 taking all the circumstances into consideration1 and not forgetting to regard her ultimate welfare in the matter at least as much as his own actual wishes4 ,this may seem to some young men a very 8high-falutin'0 view to take of such a small matter as meeting a young woman and having tea together4 ,most of them1 finding that a girl was growing fond of them1 would encourage the feeling by every means in their power1 regardless of whether it could ever end in marriage1 and careless of everything beyond the gratification of their own vanity4 ,sidenote3 ,the view of the ordinary young man4 ,but there are bright exceptions to these who do not allow themselves to be carried away by the flattery implied in a girl's attentions1 and who can consider her welfare in selfless fashion4 ,sometimes fastidious taste comes to their aid and makes withdrawal from an interesting companionship comparatively easy4 ,sidenote3 ,the manly young man does his own wooing4 ,for1 after all1 the manly young man has a prejudice in favour of doing his own wooing6 ,sidenote3 ,invitations from girls4 ,it is not at all necessary that a man should accept invitations from a girl to meet her at restaurants1 subscription dances1 bazaars1 or any other place4 ,if a girl so far forgets herself1 and is so lacking in modesty and propriety as to make appointments with young men in such ways as these1 she cannot be worth much1 and may lead the young man into a very serious scrape4 ,a public horse-whipping is an extremely disagreeable thing1 and yet cases have been known when such have been administered by irate brothers or fathers1 when the only fault committed by the young man had been to obey the commands of a forward and bold young woman--one of the sort to whom ,hamlet would have said1 8,get thee to a nunnery40 ,sidenote3 ,they are better ignored4 ,such invitations are better ignored1 though it is difficult for the average young man to resist the temptation of being courted and flattered1 and of seeking the society of girls who administer these pleasant attentions4 ,but if their standard is a high one1 they would say to themselves3 8,what should ,i like another fellow to do1 supposing the girl were my sister80 7,almost always he mentally adds1 8,god forbid607 ,this clears up the question for him at once4 ,if he is high-minded and honourable he keeps away4 ,if he is unscrupulous and self-indulgent he meets the girl and lets the acquaintanceship drift on to dangerous ground4 ,sidenote3 ,the danger of the proceeding4 ,such girls as these can never tell if a man whose past and present and surrounding circumstances are unknown to her is a scoundrel or otherwise4 ,fortunately1 the code of manners obtaining amongst the educated and well-brought-up forbids all such indiscriminate acquaintance-making4 ,sidenote3 ,the offenders4 ,girls who stoop to it are usually those who have failed to secure attention in their own circle1 and belong1 as a rule1 to the sort of girl who marries a groom or runs away with a good-looking footman4 ,sidenote3 ,offering an unknown lady an umbrella4 ,a young man once asked me if it would be etiquette to offer an unknown lady an umbrella in the street1 supposing she stood in need of one4 ,i replied3 8,no lady would accept the offer from a stranger1 and the other sort of person might never return the umbrella40 ,in large towns women of breeding soon learn to view casual attentions from well-dressed men with the deepest distrust4 ,they would suffer any amount of inconvenience rather than accept a favour from a stranger1 knowing that so many men make it their amusement to prowl about the streets1 looking after pretty faces and graceful figures1 and forcing their attentions on the owners4 ,sidenote3 ,a contemptible class of men4 ,contemptible curs they are1 whether young or old1 and they are of all ages4 ,very young girls have sometimes extremely unpleasant experiences with such men1 not only in the streets but in omnibuses1 trams1 and trains4 ,cultivating a gentlemanly exterior1 they can yet never be gentlemen1 and a good1 pure woman finds something hateful in the look of their eyes1 the whole expression of their faces4 ,sidenote3 ,their female counterparts4 ,it cannot be denied1 however1 that there is a corresponding class of women and girls who make promiscuous male acquaintances in the streets1 and the young man learns to distinguish these from respectable members of the community almost as soon as the young girl learns to dread and fear the prowling man4 ,sidenote3 ,offers of service from strangers not therefore allowable4 ,the existence of such a state of things makes self-respecting women most careful to accept no advances from a stranger1 and the true gentleman1 understanding this1 refrains from offers of assistance that he would gladly make were society so constituted as to be free from such pests as the above4 ,sidenote3 ,on removing a cigar when passing a lady4 ,in passing ladies on the promenade1 in the street or ,park1 if a man chance to be smoking1 he always takes his cigar from his mouth1 replacing it when the lady or ladies have passed on4 ,in the crowded streets of great cities this1 if carried out in full entirety1 would be too much4 ,therefore it is observed only with reference to such ladies as pass the smoker quite closely4 8,i know he is a gentleman10 said a girl once of a good-looking young fellow whose appearance had pleased her--8,i know he is a gentleman1 for he stopped smoking directly he saw us40 ,it is in the observance of little things of this kind that one shows clearly one's breeding or lack of it4 ,when a young man is walking with a lady1 and happens to meet another lady with whom he is on more intimate terms than with his companion1 he must ask pardon of the latter if he should stop to speak4 ,sidenote3 ,meeting a more intimate acquaintance when with a lady4 8,excuse me for one moment10 he would say1 and his companion1 if a gentlewoman1 would walk some yards on1 and then slowly stroll along until he joined her again4 ,the strict rule is that when walking with a lady a man should never leave her side4 ,sidenote3 ,the rule for introductions in such a case4 ,suppose a young man were to meet his mother or sister while he was in the company of a lady unknown to them1 he must not introduce her to them or them to her without having previously obtained special permission on both sides4 ,there are young men who make acquaintance with girls in a lower walk of life than their own4 ,it would be an insult to mother or sister to introduce a milliner's apprentice or an assistant in a shop1 or1 in fact1 any one whom he had picked up without a regular introduction4 ,sidenote3 ,acquaintance without introduction4 ,no respectable young woman would walk with or talk with any man to whom she had not had a proper introduction4 ,the inference is that those who do so are not respectable1 and must not1 therefore1 be introduced to those who are4 ,sidenote3 ,stopping to speak to a lady4 ,the old rule was that when a gentleman stopped to speak to a lady in the street he walked a little way with her in the direction in which she had been going4 ,sidenote3 ,the old rule and the new4 ,but now this is less observed than it used to be4 ,the lady herself1 if she wishes the conversation to be a short one1 stops at once1 knowing that it will be easier for a man to terminate it in these circumstances than if he were sauntering by her side4 ,,in ,a ,,carriage4 ,sidenote3 ,handing ladies to their carriage4 ,in handing ladies to their carriage a man offers his right arm to the senior of the party and walks with her to the door1 opening it with his left hand4 ,the others will probably follow without escort1 but if not1 he must offer it to each in turn1 holding an umbrella over them should it be raining4 ,he closes the door and conveys their orders to the footman or coachman4 ,sidenote3 ,the man takes the back seat4 ,should he be invited to enter the carriage with them1 he always takes the back seat--that is1 with his back to the horses--unless specially invited to the front one4 ,he must not either raise or lower the windows unless requested to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,on smoking in a carriage4 ,should he be smoking1 he throws away his cigar or cigarette at once4 ,if he should be a very intimate acquaintance of the lady1 he may ask her permission to smoke1 but never otherwise1 since it is disagreeable for a woman to refuse such permission1 and consequently she often gives it when she really dislikes the smell of tobacco1 especially in the limited space of a carriage1 should it be a closed one4 ,sidenote3 ,pronunciation of 8brougham40 ,it may be as well to mention here that the proper pronunciation of the word 8brougham0 is as though it were spelled 8broom10 quite short and monosyllabic4 ,this is a trifle1 of course1 but1 like many another equally small matter1 it is indicative of those accustomed to good society4 ,,in ,a ,,hansom4 ,sidenote3 ,guarding the lady's dress4 ,in handing a lady into a hansom care must be taken to protect her dress from the muddy wheel4 ,the gentleman asks if she would like the glasses down1 and conveys her instructions to the driver1 then raises his hat as she drives away4 ,sidenote3 ,when accompanying the lady4 ,should he be accompanying her in the hansom1 she seats herself at the nearest side to the pavement1 so that when he enters he will not have to go round a corner1 as it were4 ,in this case he gives the cabman instructions across the roof of the cab1 and if his companion wishes the glasses to be lowered1 he asks for them through the trap-door at the top of the cab4 ,he must never smoke when the glasses are let down--to do so would render the atmosphere unbearable to almost any woman4 ,but if he knows his partner in the drive sufficiently well1 he can ask permission to smoke1 should the glasses not be required4 ,,smoking4 ,the etiquette in this1 as in many other matters1 has quite altered during the last few years4 ,at one time it was considered a sign of infamously bad taste to smoke in the presence of women in any circumstances4 ,but it is now no longer so4 ,sidenote3 ,the domain of ,princess ,nicotine4 ,so many women smoke themselves1 that in some houses even the drawing-room is thrown open to ,princess ,nicotine4 ,sidenote3 ,the leader of the fashion4 ,the example of the ,prince of ,wales has been largely instrumental in sweeping away the old restrictions4 ,he smokes almost incessantly4 ,on one occasion1 at the ,ranelagh ,club1 ,i noticed that he consumed four cigars in rapid succession1 almost without five minutes' interval between them4 ,the only time that he left off smoking1 during the three hours that he remained in the ,pavilion with the ,princess and other ladies1 was for ten minutes when tea was handed round4 ,sidenote3 ,the lengths to which a smoker may now go4 ,it is now no uncommon thing to see a man in evening dress smoking in a brougham with a lady on their way to opera1 theatre1 or dinner engagement4 ,this is going rather far1 for a woman's evening dress implies shut windows1 except in the height of summer1 and her garments become as much impregnated with the odour of tobacco as if she had herself been smoking4 ,sidenote3 ,on getting rid of the smell4 ,some men have a knack of ridding their clothes and themselves of the fumes of smoke in a wonderful way4 ,perhaps one reason of this is that the tobacco they use is of a mild sort4 ,sidenote3 ,try the clothes-brush4 ,perhaps the diligent use of the clothes-brush is another4 ,but there are also men round whom cling the odours of stale tobacco with a very disagreeable constancy4 ,why it should be so ,i cannot pretend to say4 ,it must be due to carelessness of some kind1 and carelessness in such matters amounts to bad manners4 ,even to men who smoke--and much more to those who do not--the smell of stale tobacco is revolting4 ,fancy1 then1 how it must offend the olfactory nerves of women4 ,such men suggest the stableyard while they are yet several yards away6 ,sidenote3 ,personal cleanliness a hall-mark of the ,english gentleman4 ,a very delicate1 even exquisite1 personal cleanliness is characteristic of the true gentleman1 and more particularly the ,english gentleman1 who is noted all the world over for his devotion to his 8tub0 and his immaculate propriety in all matters of the toilette4 ,this is not claiming too much for my countrymen4 ,it is acknowledged by other nations that ours is superior in this respect4 ,once1 indeed1 ,i heard a curious inversion of this4 ,at a foreign hotel one waiter said to the other in their mutual language3 8,what dirty fellows these ,english must be to want such a lot of washing6 ,i've carried up four cans of water to ,no4 #dg this morning60 ,sauntering up the street of a small ,german town one day1 two ,english ladies saw1 a couple of hundred yards away1 a party of men standing admiring an ancient gateway4 ,sidenote3 8,they must be ,english40 8,they must be ,english10 said one of the ladies2 and before she could finish her sentence the other finished it for her in the very words she had been about to utter3 8,they are so beautifully clean60 ,sidenote3 ,the close-cropped head4 ,this characteristic is carried to an extreme in the close clipping of the hair2 but as fashion ordains that it must be worn very short1 its behests must be obeyed by all who wish to be in society and of it4 ,sidenote3 ,the 8long-haired fellow40 8,who is that long-haired fellow80 is the question invariably asked about any man whose visits to the barber are infrequent4 8,must be an artist or a music man10 is the frequent commentary4 ,sometimes he is merely careless of conventionalities1 and by being so proves that he is rather 8out of it0 where good society is concerned4 ,the rule appears to be that directly a man finds that he has any hair worth brushing1 he must immediately go and have it cut4 ,it would be much more becoming if allowed to grow a little longer1 but things being as they are1 only the few can afford to defy the ordinary custom4 ,,in ,,or ,,on ,,an ,,omnibus4 ,sidenote3 ,the humble omnibus4 ,the humble omnibus may be thought by some readers too democratic a kind of conveyance to be considered in a book on ,manners4 ,not at all6 ,there are several reasons why it should have a place in such a volume4 ,sidenote3 ,it is now used by all classes4 ,the first is1 that during the last ten years or so the omnibus has been largely used by women of the educated1 cultured1 and well-dressed classes4 ,another and stronger reason is that no considerations of the kind should affect a man's manners4 ,if he can behave like a gentleman in a carriage1 he is almost certain to do so in an omnibus1 and vice vers4 ,it is even more difficult in the humbler vehicle4 ,in a carriage one is seldom crowded up to the degree that often occurs in the plebeian 8'bus40 ,in fact1 there are far more opportunities for the display of good manners in the latter than in the former4 ,many of them are of a negative character4 ,sidenote3 ,a fine field for true courtesy4 ,true courtesy1 for instance1 will prevent a man from infringing the rights of his neighbours on either side by occupying more than his own allotted space4 ,sidenote3 ,the man who wants all the room4 ,very stout men are obliged to do so1 but at least they need not spread out their knees in a way that is calculated to aggravate the evil4 ,nor need they arrange themselves in a comfortable oblique position1 with the result of enhancing the inconvenience they must necessarily cause to those near them4 ,even a thin man can take up a quantity of room by thus disposing himself at an angle of forty-five with the other occupants of an omnibus4 ,the morning paper may be converted into an offensive weapon in the hands of the rude and careless1 who open it out to its fullest width1 regardless of the comfort of those sitting next them4 ,sidenote3 ,the 8newspaper0 offender4 ,newspapers are rather unwieldy things to turn and twist about in a limited space1 but this very circumstance affords a man an opportunity of displaying his skill in manipulating the large1 wide sheets1 without dashing them in the face of his nearest neighbour1 or knocking up against anybody in a series of awkward movements that a little care could easily convert into leisurely1 graceful ones4 ,sidenote3 ,the wet umbrella nuisance4 ,there is another way in which men are apt to be careless1 and that is in the disposal of a wet umbrella4 ,women are even more so1 but these remarks are intended particularly for men1 and beyond acknowledging that members of my own sex are equal sinners1 ,i must leave them out of the question4 ,when any one takes a dripping umbrella into an omnibus1 he must charge himself with the task of seeing that it annoys no one but himself4 ,if he can1 at the same time1 protect himself1 well and good2 but he must be altruistic in the matter and care for others first2 the alternative being to prove himself lacking in one form of good manners4 ,he must not even let his wet umbrella lean up against a vacant part of the cushioned seat1 rendering it damp for the next comer4 ,sidenote3 ,the rights of the absent4 ,his social conscience cannot be up to its work if he permits himself to ignore the right of the absent to consideration1 merely because they are absent4 ,allowing umbrellas and sticks to protrude so as to trip up unwary passengers is another thing to be avoided4 ,sidenote3 ,carrying umbrellas and sticks4 ,carrying a stick or umbrella under the arm with the ferule protruding at the back and threatening the eyes of those who walk behind1 is always a reprehensible practice1 and one that is fraught with danger1 and it is perhaps more than ever dangerous when the proprietor is ascending or descending the steps of an omnibus4 ,at such moments passengers are liable to sudden checks from various causes1 and the resultant backward jerk can be quite annoying enough to those behind without the aggravation of a pointed stick assaulting them4 ,i have seen a girl's hat torn off her head in this way1 its numerous securing pins making havoc in her coiffure and eliciting lively expressions of pain4 ,sidenote3 ,entering and leaving an omnibus4 ,it might appear hardly necessary to advocate care in walking up past other passengers inside an omnibus1 for fear of treading on their feet1 and to recommend a word of apology in case of any such transgression4 ,but there have been cases which point to the desirability of a word of advice on such points4 ,sidenote3 ,apology covers a multitude of social sins4 ,the ready apology covers a multitude of social sins4 ,from some men it comes with an expression of such earnest solicitude that1 anxious to reassure them1 one quite willingly makes light of the damage done4 ,sidenote3 ,the lady first1 entering and leaving4 ,in escorting a lady a man hands her into the omnibus before entering it himself2 and if she prefers the top1 he lets her mount the staircase in front of him4 ,there seems to be an idea in the lowly classes that it is correct to precede a lady in ascending steps or stairs4 ,this is not in accordance with the practice of good society4 ,if circumstances do not admit of the two walking abreast1 then the lady goes first1 both in ascending and descending any stairs4 ,it is by no means necessary that any man should resign his seat in or on an omnibus simply because a woman wishes for it4 ,sidenote3 ,on giving up one's seat to a lady4 ,the conductor has no right to ask 8if any gentleman will go outside to oblige a lady02 and no gentlewoman would allow him to ask such a favour on her behalf4 ,the inside passengers have selected inside seats1 thereby testifying to their preference for them1 and they should be allowed to retain them without interference4 ,sidenote3 ,women offenders4 ,i have seen a delicate-looking boy1 racked with a hacking cough1 induced to ride outside on a cold and rainy night in order that a fat1 rosy1 healthy woman might have his inside seat4 ,i felt all the more indignant on his behalf because the woman never even thanked him4 ,it was no business of mine1 but ,i was rejoiced to hear a man's voice mutter in the darkness1 8,she looks better able to face it than that pale-faced lad40 ,but the woman wore a smug1 well-pleased air1 little knowing that her fellow-passengers were almost all regarding her with a feeling of dislike4 ,sidenote3 ,no lady would request this favour4 ,i repeat that no lady1 in the highest sense of the term1 would ever permit the conductor of an omnibus to ask such a favour for her4 ,she would not ask it for herself2 unlike a woman whom ,i saw1 one day1 mount on the step of an omnibus and inquire of the 8insides10 8,won't any genelman ride outside to oblige a lydy80 the 8lydy0 being herself4 ,it can never be out of place for a man to give up his seat in favour of the old and infirm1 or for a woman with a baby in her arms4 ,sidenote3 ,higher laws than etiquette4 ,but such matters as these belong to a region of heart and mind beyond mere manners1 and it is useless to suggest any line of action on such subjects4 ,the impulse must come from within4 ,sidenote3 ,smoking on the top of an omnibus4 ,there have been women so unreasonable as to complain of men smoking on the top of an omnibus4 ,could anything be more illogical8 ,first1 they invade the seats that have been claimed by man as his right 7though perhaps unjustly7 for many long years1 and then they feel annoyed because he smokes in their presence4 ,or1 to speak accurately1 they are petulant because his tobacco is often rank1 strong1 and consequently evil-smelling4 ,sidenote3 ,a man is justified in so doing4 ,but no man need feel it necessary to put out his pipe or throw away his cigar in these circumstances4 ,should he find himself so placed that the wind blows his smoke in the face of a woman1 he may propose to change seats with her1 in order that she may be spared the inconvenience4 ,but no woman could rationally expect him to do more4 ,,on ,,horseback4 ,sidenote3 ,riding costume for the ,park4 ,a great change has taken place during the last few years in the character of riding costume for the ,park4 ,the subject may scarcely be a suitable one for a little book intended for those unaccustomed to the usages of the society of the wealthy4 ,but there are almost always exceptional cases in which such information may be found of use4 ,sidenote3 ,disappearance of the black coat4 ,only quite old-fashioned people ride in black coats1 the usual gear consisting of knickerbocker suits with ,norfolk1 or other country jacket1 brown tops and bowler hats4 ,it must be admitted that this is a distinct gain in picturesqueness4 ,straw hats are often seen on riders in the ,park1 but these have not quite so good an effect4 ,the old formalities in dress are rapidly disappearing4 ,sidenote3 ,the scope and limitations of the tweed suit4 ,a man may ride in town in a tweed suit1 which once would have been considered highly heterodox4 ,he may even walk about ,london in the height of the season in a tweed suit1 but it is not considered correct for him to join his friends in the ,park without reverting to the black coat and high hat4 ,many an old statesman is still to be seen in the ,park riding in frock-coat and tall hat1 just as ,john ,leech depicted the men of his day4 ,there are certain rules of etiquette connected with riding on horseback1 which no one can afford to ignore4 ,it is extremely ill-mannered to gallop noisily past a mounted lady1 the risk being of startling her horse and inconveniencing her1 if not subjecting her to an accident4 ,sidenote3 ,the rule of the road for equestrians4 ,the rule of the road for equestrians is to keep to the left1 exactly the opposite to that for pedestrians4 ,in passing others in front a detour is made to the right2 in meeting other riders or wheel traffic of any sort the rider keeps close to the left4 ,in accompanying a lady the gentleman keeps on her right hand1 whether in town or on country roads4 ,sidenote3 ,at a meet of hounds4 ,at a meet of hounds1 where ladies in carriages often assemble1 it is not polite to keep too near them if mounted on a fidgety horse4 ,when the hounds throw off1 the inexperienced in such matters has a disagreeable way of getting in front in his eagerness1 and sometimes overriding the hounds4 ,sidenote3 8,a crime of the blackest dye40 ,this1 in the eyes of the huntsman1 is not a fault2 it is a crime of the blackest dye4 ,if commissioned to take charge of a lady in the hunting-field a man must sacrifice his sporting instincts to a certain extent in order to see her safe over her fences1 giving her a lead1 or following her lead as circumstances may dictate4 ,his desire to be in at the death may be as great as hers1 but he must not indulge it at the expense of his politeness4 ,sidenote3 ,a man's duty to his charge4 ,very often his charge may beg of him to go on and leave her to her own devices4 ,sidenote3 ,his responsibility ends only with the hunt4 ,if he should perceive that she is really uncomfortable about keeping him back he may possibly yield to her persuasion1 but in the case of any accident happening to her he would be certainly called to account by those who had placed her in his charge4 ,sidenote3 ,a common error4 ,one of the mistakes made by novices in the hunting-field is that of getting themselves up in 8pink10 though they may not be a member of any hunt4 ,this is more particularly the case when the packs are near town4 ,good ,west ,end tailors would never allow their clients to make such mistakes as these4 ,sidenote3 ,advice to the novice4 ,they are the best authorities on all the minuti of country riding costume1 and it is well for the customer to put himself unreservedly in the hands of the long-experienced in such matters4 ,of course this means high charges4 ,experience and skill are commercial commodities1 just as much as fine cloth and silk linings1 but if a man can afford to go a-hunting he ought to be able to afford the advice of a good tailor4 ,sidenote3 ,assisting a lady to her mount4 ,in mounting a lady on horseback the gentleman takes her left foot in his right hand1 and when she springs he helps her in this manner to reach the saddle1 afterwards adjusting her left foot in the stirrup and arranging her habit for her4 ,,driving ,sidenote3 8,keep to your left0 ,the same rule of the road applies to driving as to riding4 ,in the crowded traffic of large towns and cities it would be difficult1 if not impossible1 to observe the good old rule of courtesy that prohibits the driver of any private carriage from overtaking and passing that of a friend or neighbour on the road4 ,the members of the ,four-in-,hand and ,coaching ,clubs still observe it1 and seldom pass each other without an apologetic wave of the hand or raising of the hat4 ,sidenote3 ,acknowledging salutes4 ,a gentleman driving a mail phaeton in the ,park with a lady by his side must1 of course1 acknowledge all salutes by raising his hat1 if he is sufficiently expert to admit of his doing so without risk4 ,it is not every one who can emulate the ,prince of ,wales1 who1 when driving a coach1 can take a cigar from his lips and raise his hat with the whip-hand1 the reins1 of course1 being in the left4 ,it is not unusual1 nowadays1 to see a man driven by a lady4 ,sidenote3 ,handing a lady up to her coach seat4 ,in such a case he must be on the alert to afford her every assistance in his power4 ,in handing a lady up to her place on a coach some expertness is required1 especially where the usual short ladder is not available1 and she has to mount first on the wheel and then on to the coach itself4 ,sidenote3 ,invitations to coach drives4 ,the box-seat of a coach to the left of the driver is considered the place of honour1 and the lady invited to occupy it is very appreciative1 as a rule1 of this mark of attention4 ,it is scarcely necessary to remark that a man must be as careful about the invitations for a drive on his four-in-hand as he would be in other circumstances4 ,a lady would resent being asked to meet any one unsuitable in a drive1 even though the latter may be relegated to a back seat4 ,sidenote3 ,a man may refuse a lady the coach reins4 ,sometimes ladies are very anxious to take the reins and drive themselves1 a circumstance which has often occasioned agonies of nervousness to other women on the coach4 ,it is quite possible to refuse such a request in a polite and gentlemanly way1 partly by seeming to ignore it or laughing it off4 ,it is not a bad plan when some such request is supposed to be imminent to bind oneself beforehand by a promise to one of the timid ladies4 ,this promise can be produced with great effect when occasion arises4 ,sidenote3 ,on dismounting1 when calling for a lady4 ,a man usually dismounts when calling for a lady to take her for a ride1 if she is to be mounted4 ,sometimes1 however1 this rule is remitted1 as in the case of a restive and very fresh animal2 the groom then assists the lady to mount4 ,the driver of a four-in-hand very seldom dismounts in such circumstances1 though1 of course1 there are exceptions to this as to almost all other rules4 ,sidenote3 ,on smoking when driving4 ,it used to be considered bad manners to smoke when driving with a lady4 ,this is now quite antediluvian1 so to speak4 ,permission must1 of course1 always be asked of the lady4 ,it is scarcely ever refused1 and it is almost an exceptional thing to see a man driving without a cigar between his teeth4 ,should the lady driven meet some acquaintances unknown to her charioteer1 and wish to stop and converse with them1 he raises his hat and awaits her pleasure4 ,she will probably introduce him1 but if not he takes no part in the conversation4 ,the only thing he can do is to remain passive1 but unless the lady feels justified in introducing him it is an error of taste on her part to enter into conversation with her friends4 ,sidenote3 ,in which case the rule may be broken4 ,some ladies have a great disinclination to mount a four-in-hand or mail phaeton until the driver is seated with the reins in his hand and in full command of the horses4 ,there is nothing surprising in this1 for1 after all1 the groom who stands at the head of the horses before the start has very little control over them1 and one or two disagreeable accidents have occurred in this way1 the horses taking fright and escaping from his grasp4 ,consequently it would be no breach of good manners for the gentleman driving to take his seat and thus reassure his nervous companion4 ,,games ,,and ,,recreations4 ,sidenote3 ,chess and whist permanently popular4 ,a man who can play a good game of chess1 or even an excellent rubber of whist1 must be aware that the acquirement involves an education in itself4 ,neither is ever likely to become unpopular among the best classes of society4 ,chess and whist clubs increase in number as time goes on2 but for the purposes of everyday life less exigent games are found more useful4 ,sidenote3 ,one should be able to play the minor games4 ,billiards1 backgammon1 poker1 bzique1 baccarat1 cart1 draughts1 vingt-et-un1 and loo may be mentioned among the minor accomplishments with which the modern young man finds it convenient to be equipped4 ,that a bad use has been made of some of these by converting them into media for gambling is not to be denied4 ,at the same time there is no reason why those who play them in moderation should refrain from doing so because others abuse rather than use these means of recreation4 ,sidenote3 ,these things are innocent in themselves4 ,a round game affords a very innocent mode of spending an enjoyable evening1 and country-house life especially is often enlivened in this way4 ,sidenote3 ,and often quite necessary4 ,home life1 whether in town or country1 is apt to become monotonous1 particularly for the young members of the family1 if there is not occasionally an amusing game got up to pass away the evening hours1 and anything that adds to the attractions of home must at least have one excellent recommendation4 ,sidenote3 ,a man's breeding is shown in his play4 ,apart from other considerations1 the demeanour of a young man when playing cards affords a very good test of his manners4 ,some of them appear to think that the only fun to be had out of the game lies in cheating--very open and transparent cheating1 to be sure--but still sufficient to spoil the amusement of others4 ,a curious development of money greed is sometimes observable in players1 who will show extreme exasperation at the loss of so simple a coin as a penny4 ,sidenote3 ,irritability over games4 ,there are many fairly good-tempered men 7and women7 who evince extreme irritability over games of any kind4 ,to play with such as these is very disagreeable1 and the tendency to irascibility should be firmly checked by those who wish to be popular in society4 ,the host or hostess always takes the lead in these games1 or else deputes some one else to do so4 ,it is a sign of ill-breeding when any outsider assumes the command of a game without having been asked to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,an outsider may not take the lead unsolicited4 ,unfortunately1 gambling games are very popular at some houses1 and it is possible for a young man1 being unaware of the fact1 to be drawn in and lose more than he can afford before he can politely extricate himself4 ,sidenote3 ,men and houses to be avoided4 ,in such circumstances the only thing he can do is religiously to avoid any such house in future4 ,it is a matter of notoriety that there are men who make good incomes by fleecing the young and inexperienced whom they invite to their houses under the guise of friendship2 but even when there is no deliberate dishonesty in question1 as in these cases1 the host or hostess1 out of pure love of gambling1 draws in the guests to play for high sums4 ,sidenote3 ,things to be reckoned with4 ,unpardonable1 it is true1 but such things have to be reckoned with1 and avoided1 if possible4 ,the matter is not confined to ,london2 country-house life has much to answer for under the same heading4 ,,rule ,,of ,,the ,,road ,,on ,,the ,,river4 ,sidenote3 ,the rule of the road on the river4 ,there is a rule of the road for the river1 and those who boat on the ,thames on crowded days fervently wish that it were better understood4 ,there does not appear to be any means of acquiring the necessary information4 ,if such means exist they have never come under my notice1 and1 for at least one summer1 ,i spent many hours daily in that agreeable form of exercise4 ,sidenote3 ,with the tide--the middle of the stream4 ,boats coming down with the tide keep the middle of the river2 those going against it hug the shore on either side1 but in passing other boats coming in the same direction they must go out in a semicircle1 leaving the front boat the shore4 ,tow-boats are always given this advantage4 ,sidenote3 ,up-stream--either shore4 ,in meeting other boats coming downstream which really have no right to the shore1 but are mistakenly kept near the margin by inexperienced steerers1 the boat going up-stream should not go out1 but keep towards the land4 ,sidenote3 ,the rights of anglers4 ,the rights of the numerous anglers should be respected2 and it is not only courteous but politic to do so1 as it is disagreeable to have the lines entangled in the boat4 ,sidenote3 ,sailing-boats4 ,row-boats give way to sailing-boats on the river1 especially when the latter are tacking to use the breeze4 ,as to steam-launches1 their motto too often appears to be that 8,might is right40 ,occupants of small boats keep a sharp look-out for these4 ,sidenote3 ,passing through locks4 ,in passing through the locks the usual politeness of refraining from shooting ahead of boats in front should be observed4 ,any active emulation of this kind is a very risky business in the same way when pulling a boat over the rollers4 ,a man is bound to yield the pas to ladies or to any boat containing ladies4 ,in fact1 the courtesies of the river may be summed up as similar to those on land4 ,,dinner-,,parties4 ,sidenote3 ,invitation4 8,mrs4 ,x4 requests the pleasure of ,mr4 ,l4's company at dinner on ,thursday1 the #afth of ,february1 at eight o'clock40 ,sidenote3 ,acceptance4 8,mr4 ,l4 accepts with pleasure ,mrs4 ,x4's kind invitation to dinner on ,thursday1 the #afth of ,february40 ,sidenote3 ,address of the hostess4 ,these are the preliminaries2 the lady's address being on the sheet of paper or card on which her invitation has been written4 ,sidenote3 ,the usual interval4 ,three weeks' notice is usual1 but sometimes1 in the season1 when many parties are going on1 invitations are sent out four1 five1 or six weeks beforehand1 in order to secure the guests4 ,in the case of 8lions0 even longer invitations have been given2 but as one of the first principles of good breeding is never to 8corner0 anybody1 it is scarcely fair to invite those who are in much request without giving them the option of refusal4 ,sidenote3 ,unfairly long invitations4 ,an invitation of seven or eight weeks' length scarcely allows one to plead a pre-engagement1 and often defeats the eager hostess's own end by inducing the 8lion0 to accept without any intention of being present1 writing later on to 8renage10 to use a good old whist term4 ,but as our young man is scarcely yet a 8lion10 and probably not over-burdened with engagements for dinner or any other social function1 we may imagine him accepting with a free mind4 ,sidenote3 ,breaking the engagement4 ,should anything intervene to prevent him carrying out his engagement1 he is in duty bound to let his hostess know as early as possible that he cannot be present at her dinner-party4 ,this is more especially and particularly necessary with dinners1 though it holds good with regard to all invitations4 ,sidenote3 ,peculiar obligation of the diner-out4 ,but with dinner there is a peculiar obligation laid upon the guests4 ,the choice and arrangement of them involves care on the part of the dinner-giver1 more so than in the case of any other meal4 ,in fact1 dinner stands alone as an institution sacred to the highest rites of hospitality4 ,to be invited is an honour to the young man who is just beginning his social life4 ,to absent himself would be a gross rudeness1 unless he could plead circumstances of a pressing nature4 ,it is considered a great infraction of good manners to wire on the very day of the party that one cannot dine as arranged1 unless something has occurred to justify such conduct4 ,sidenote3 ,on declining at the last moment4 ,the hostess can with difficulty find a substitute at short notice1 and the whole plan of her table is destroyed by the absence of one person4 ,there are few people who would not feel offended at being invited to fill a gap of the kind1 and this is what makes it so extremely discourteous to disappoint at the last moment1 as it were4 ,sidenote3 ,a 8fill-up0 invitation4 ,the unfortunate hostess thinks1 8,is there any one good-natured enough to come and fill the vacant place80 ,sometimes this is the raison d'tre of a young man's first invitation4 ,let him accept it by all means1 even though he is perfectly aware that he was not his entertainer's first choice4 ,sidenote3 ,one's first dinner-party4 ,many a young man feels nervous about his first dinner-party4 ,there are a few puzzling things that trouble him in prospect4 ,he wonders if he should wear gloves1 as ladies do1 taking them off at the dinner-table4 ,let me set his mind at rest on this small point1 at once4 ,sidenote3 ,gloves not worn by men4 ,he need not wear gloves4 ,in fact1 he must not4 ,another little matter to be remembered is that a quarter of an hour's grace is always understood in dinner invitations4 ,should the hour indicated be #h o'clock1 then care must be taken to time the arrival at five or ten minutes past the hour4 ,sidenote3 ,punctuality imperative4 ,but it is better to be too early than too late4 ,a want of punctuality at this meal is unpardonable4 ,it is the very height of rudeness1 annoying to the host and hostess1 displeasing to the guests1 and regarded as outrageous by the cook4 ,sidenote3 ,one's first duty to one's hostess4 ,when our young man is shown into the drawing-room1 he at once goes up to his hostess1 no matter whether there is any one he knows nearer to the door than the lady of the house4 ,this is always a fixed rule1 whether it be on the occasion of a call or visit1 or on having been invited to a party of any kind4 ,when he has been greeted by his hostess he looks round the room to see if there is anyone present whom he knows4 ,sidenote3 ,then acquaintances4 ,if so1 he goes up to the ladies first1 if there are any of his acquaintance present1 and afterwards greets the gentlemen4 ,his host will probably have shaken hands with him immediately after his wife has done so4 ,sidenote3 ,introduction to partner4 ,he will then be told what lady he is to take down to dinner1 and be introduced to her1 if he does not already know her4 ,he must bow1 not shake hands1 and make small talk for her during the interval between his introduction and the announcement of dinner4 ,sidenote3 ,making small talk4 ,here is his first real difficulty4 ,to converse with a perfect stranger is always one of the initial social accomplishments to be learned1 and it is not at all an easy thing at first4 ,it needs practice4 ,sidenote3 ,if possible1 avoid talking about the weather4 ,ninety men out of every hundred offer a remark upon the weather2 but unless there has been something very extraordinary going on in the meteorological line1 it is better to avoid this subject if possible4 ,a girl at ,ascot said to me one lovely day1 8,that's the eighth man who has informed me that it's a beautiful day40 ,up came a ninth with the very same observation1 and both she and ,i felt inclined to titter like very schoolgirls4 ,it is far better to start with something more original4 ,sidenote3 ,the first person singular not a good topic4 ,it is as well to keep the pronoun 8,i0 in the background just at first4 ,if your partner is as nice as she might be1 she will soon give you abundant opportunity for talking about yourself4 ,sidenote3 ,the beginner's partner4 ,by the way1 a man must not at his very first dinner-party expect to be given a pretty girl to take down4 ,he may possibly be so fortunate1 but those prizes are usually reserved for men of more experience in social life4 ,the young man has probably been invited to make up the necessary number of men1 and an unmarried lady of uncertain age or an elderly woman without much claim to consideration will probably fall to his share4 ,sidenote3 ,compensations4 ,however1 there is this consolation1 she will be excellent for practising upon4 ,he would not mind making small mistakes so much as if his partner were a young and charming girl4 ,sidenote3 ,the small-talk art not so difficult4 ,nor is the art of making small talk so difficult as it would be with a pair of bright and youthful eyes beaming into your own1 and confusing you into forgetfulness of all but their own delightful language4 ,but what to talk about is the puzzle of the moment4 ,sidenote3 ,a good beginning4 ,i have known a good beginning made with some such1 remark as1 8,do you know everybody here80 ,this leads perhaps to the acquisition of some information as to the other guests4 ,sidenote3 ,some useful topics4 ,at table there will be more to suggest topics4 ,the floral decorations often lead up to conversation4 ,the colours of the flowers remind one of pictures1 and the lady on one's right may be asked if she has been to any exhibitions that may be open4 ,if so1 what pictures she liked best4 ,does she paint8 ,has she read the novel of the hour8 ,what she thinks of it8 ,does she bike8 ,at this rate our novice gets on swimmingly1 and may safely be left to himself4 ,sidenote3 ,a few details4 ,i must not omit some small details dealing with the guest on his arrival1 and on his way afterwards from the drawing-to the dining-room4 ,sidenote3 ,on arrival4 ,the servant who admits him takes his overcoat and hat1 either in the hall or in a room set apart for the purpose4 ,sidenote3 ,the lady precedes her escort4 ,should he be accompanied by a lady he follows her upstairs1 and she enters the room slightly in advance of him1 probably about a yard or so4 ,the young man must not have the appearance of hanging back1 however4 ,he walks steadily and rather briskly up the room4 ,sidenote3 ,taking down to dinner4 ,when the move to the dining-room is made1 the gentlemen offer to the ladies the arm which will place them on the wall side of the staircase1 thus avoiding the contact of their dresses with the balusters4 ,but should the dining-room be1 as it very frequently is1 on the same floor as the drawing-room1 then the right arm is offered4 ,sidenote3 ,positions at table4 ,the lady sits on the right of her escort at table4 ,the servants usually indicate the seats that the guests are to occupy4 ,sometimes the host1 previously instructed by the hostess1 comes to the rescue with1 8,your seat is here1 ,i believe1 ,mr4 ,so-and-so10 who immediately takes his lady to the chair on the right of the two the couple are to occupy4 ,the system of name-cards is observed in some circles1 but it is not a good one4 ,sidenote3 ,name-cards4 ,it is distressing1 in these days of short sight and small rooms1 to see several couples wandering about endeavouring to decipher the names on the small cards4 ,sidenote3 ,the better plan4 ,it is much better for the host to have made himself master of the order in which the guests are to be seated1 and as he enters the dining-room first with the lady of highest social importance1 he is ready to point out their places to each couple as they enter4 ,sidenote3 ,preliminaries at table4 ,the first thing to be done on sitting down is to unfold the table napkin and place it across the knee4 ,the menu is then consulted1 and a mental note made of any favourite dish1 so that it may not be refused4 ,but all the time a flow of small talk must be kept up with one's partner of the hour4 ,sometimes she turns to talk with the man on her right4 ,then her escort may converse with the lady on his left1 if she is disengaged4 ,but he must always remember that his first duty is to her whom he took down4 ,sidenote3 ,the wineglasses4 ,there will probably be three or four wineglasses on our young friend's right4 ,one of these--either a long-stemmed1 wide-cupped glass or a small tumbler--is for champagne4 ,the coloured glass is for hock1 the slenderest and smallest is for sherry1 and the claret-glass occupies in dimensions a midway between those of the champagne and claret-glass4 ,sidenote3 ,knives and forks4 ,with regard to the knives and forks1 everything is now made very easy for the novice by the way in which the table is laid4 ,sidenote3 ,taking soup4 ,the tablespoon is for soup1 which must be eaten from the side of the spoon close to the point4 ,the fish knife and fork are placed outside the others1 so as to be ready to the hand1 the fish course coming directly after the soup4 ,sidenote3 ,carving4 ,the dishes are usually all handed round at dinner-parties1 the carving being done at the sideboard or in an immediately adjoining room1 but sometimes the host carves the joint and game4 ,there is occasionally a subtle reason for this preference1 not wholly unconnected with a taste for those morsels that especially appeal to the gourmand4 ,the host may desire to secure these for some special1 appreciative guest--or for himself6 ,in some families the principal dishes are always placed before the master of the house to be carved4 ,maidservants can rarely carve well1 and butlers have gone considerably out of fashion in the upper middle classes of society of late years4 ,sidenote3 ,choice of dishes and wines4 ,when offered the usual choice of dishes or wines1 the guest must decide at once and indicate his choice without delay4 ,any hesitation gives him the air of being unable to reject either2 of being in the position1 with regard to food1 occupied by the poet who wrote-- 8,how happy could ,i be with either1 ,were t'other dear charmer away60 ,so he must be prompt1 and1 should the dish be handed round1 help himself without delay4 ,sidenote3 ,helping oneself4 ,on this very point of helping himself ,i have seen young men endure excruciating agonies of shyness4 ,sometimes they take the merest morsel of some excellent dish1 though they would like very well to have some more4 ,at other times they help themselves to far too much1 because they are so confused that they will not take the necessary time to separate for their own share a moderate quantity4 ,occasionally they drop the spoon or fork with a clatter into the dish1 after which they look intensely miserable for ten minutes or so4 ,sidenote3 ,a useful reflection4 ,the best way to avoid all this is to preserve absolute self-possession by reflecting that the other guests are all too well occupied to pay any attention to such trifling matters4 ,the self-consciousness of which shyness is the outward and visible sign1 makes a young man feel that every one is observing him1 especially when he is awkward in handling things4 ,but he may console himself with the conviction that he is of much less importance to them than their own dinner1 to say nothing of the ladies who sit beside them4 ,when asked to choose between claret or hock1 he may either mention one or indicate the glass4 ,sidenote3 ,the order of the wines4 8,sherry1 sir10 is the first wine handed round4 ,then comes the choice between claret and hock4 ,sidenote3 ,indicating4 ,afterwards 8champagne1 sir80 usually answered by slightly drawing the champagne-glass forward1 or by a nod2 sometimes by a shake of the head4 ,sidenote3 ,thanking servants4 ,an occasional 8,thanks0 to the servant is not amiss1 but it is unnecessary to keep on expressing gratitude4 ,some people never dream of saying 8,thank you40 ,others say it out of pure graciousness of manner and gentleness of mind4 ,so our young man may take his choice4 ,sidenote3 ,maidservants at table4 ,i have observed that when a neat and pretty parlourmaid waits at table she is more likely to be thanked than a manservant2 and this not only by gentlemen1 but by ladies as well4 ,i offer no explanation of why this should be so4 ,i merely record the fact as ,i have noted it4 ,the perfection of service resolves itself into absolute accuracy of machinery united to the observant watchfulness of long training4 ,one barely discovers that one needs bread when it is presented at one's elbow4 ,sidenote3 ,the perfection of service4 ,in the same way1 vegetables1 wine1 arated waters1 or whatever one may be drinking1 arrives at exactly the right moment4 ,the mechanism or organisation of such waiting is so good that there is no interruption of conversation4 ,the servants understand that a mere turning away from the dish means rejection4 ,should any guest find a difficulty in helping himself1 they simplify matters for him as much as possible4 ,sidenote3 ,studying the menu4 ,as the dishes are not named when they are handed round1 it is necessary to study the menu in order to know what they are4 ,some young people appear to think that it looks 8greedy0 to pay much attention to the information given on the dainty little bill of fare2 but this1 of course1 is one of youth's delusions4 ,i have seen a short-sighted young man straining his eyes in the endeavour to read furtively the names of the dishes on his menu4 ,he would have done far better if he had boldly taken it up in his hand to examine it4 ,however hungry one may be1 the duty of keeping up a conversation must not be neglected4 ,the ,sidenote3 ,a topic to be avoided4 ,the viands must never be chosen as a topic1 for either praise or blame4 ,if one knows a girl very well1 one may ask1 8,do you like sweets80 or some such question1 but it is safer with strangers to avoid the subject of the food provided4 ,sidenote3 ,moderation in wines4 ,it is scarcely necessary to remark that drinking too much wine is a very bad phase of ill manners4 ,at one time it was actually fashionable to become intoxicated after dinner1 but those days are gone1 ,i am thankful to say4 ,the young man who exceeds in this way is soon made aware of the fact that he has given his hostess dire offence4 ,he is never invited again1 or not for a long time4 ,the wineglass is never drained at a draught in polite society2 nor is it considered polite to eat very quickly4 ,sidenote3 ,as little noise as possible4 ,the knife1 fork1 and spoon are handled as noiselessly as possible4 ,scraping the edge of the knife against the plate is unpardonable4 ,it produces a grating noise that is excessively unpleasant4 ,in sending a plate away to be replenished1 the diner leaves his knife and fork or his spoon1 as the case may be1 upon it4 ,in dealing with bread1 use neither knife nor fork4 ,sidenote3 ,bread must be broken4 ,it must be broken with the fingers4 ,there is a story of an absent-minded and short-sighted prelate who1 with the remark1 8,my bread1 ,i think80 dug his fork into the white hand of a lady who sat beside him4 ,he had been badly brought up1 or he would not have used his fork1 and the white hand would have experienced nothing worse than a sudden grasp4 ,sidenote3 ,the moustache and soup4 ,it requires some expertness and practice for a man with a moustache to take soup in a perfectly inoffensive manner4 ,the accomplishment is worth some trouble4 ,sidenote3 ,the mouth4 ,some men1 who should know better 7and some women1 too71 forget that the mouth should be kept closed while mastication is going on4 ,this is a very important matter4 ,sidenote3 ,nature not a good guide in this matter4 ,nature teaches us to keep the mouth open1 as any one may see from the way in which children and uncultivated persons eat1 but good manners enjoin upon us that to adopt the natural mode is to disgust and annoy those with whom we sit at meat4 ,if these little things have not been learned in childhood1 it is difficult to master them afterwards4 ,mothers should also teach their boys 7and girls7 never to speak while food is in the mouth1 and never to drink until it is quite empty4 ,who would not be mortified if he were to choke ignominiously at the dinner-table8 ,sidenote3 ,how to eat a curry1 c4 ,the correct way to eat a curry is with a spoon and fork2 but this is the only meat dish that is eaten in this way4 ,sweetbreads and many other entres are eaten with the fork alone4 ,it is then held in the right hand4 ,should a knife be found necessary it can1 of course1 be used4 ,vegetable entres are always eaten with a fork1 held in the right hand4 ,fish is eaten with a silver 7or plated7 knife and fork4 ,sidenote3 ,taking ,sauces4 ,sauces are never taken very plentifully4 ,the sauce ladle1 filled1 will be generally sufficient4 ,i once saw a man1 in helping himself to oyster sauce1 look scrutinisingly in the sauceboat and carefully fish about for as many oysters as he could collect in the ladle4 ,this caused some covert amusement1 except1 perhaps1 to the last persons to whom the sauce was handed4 ,they probably found few oysters4 ,sidenote3 ,foods touched with the fingers4 ,bread1 biscuits1 olives1 asparagus1 celery1 and bonbons are the forms of food that may be touched with the fingers4 ,there used once to be a rule that a bone might be picked1 if only the finger and thumb were used in holding it4 ,but that was in the days when table cutlery was far from having been brought to its present condition of perfection4 ,there is now no excuse for handling bones--knives and forks suffice2 and it is only in the lowest grades of society that they are found inadequate4 ,sidenote3 ,salads4 ,in helping oneself to salad1 it must be placed on the crescent-shaped plate laid down for that purpose before it is handed round4 ,this plate is put at the left side of the round plate4 ,both knife and fork are often necessary with salads1 but if they are sent to table as they should be1 with the lettuce and other vegetables broken small1 the fork is quite sufficient4 ,it is always disagreeable to see a steel knife used with vinegar1 and it should be avoided whenever possible to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,oysters4 ,oysters served on the shell are eaten with a fish-knife and fork4 ,other fish hors d'uvres are eaten with a fish-fork4 ,sidenote3 ,hors d'uvres ,it is not always possible to tell1 either from the appearance or name of the hors d'uvre1 whether it consists of fish or meat4 ,in that case it is safer to use an ordinary fork2 and for this reason3 the fish-knife has been laid for a fish course1 and if it should have been previously unnecessarily used for the hors d'uvre1 it will be needful for the servant to bring another4 ,fish rissoles may be eaten with a fish-fork only--in fact1 any preparation that does not need the knife4 ,sidenote3 ,a safe rule4 ,it is a safe rule never to use either knife or spoon if the fork will do4 ,with ice-pudding or ices in any form a small spoon is used4 ,now let us take the dinner from the very beginning1 and go through the courses4 ,sidenote3 ,the courses seriatim4 ,sidenote3 ,hors d'uvres4 ,first1 there may be hors d'uvres1 small morsels of various kinds which are found ready to hand when the guests sit down4 ,i have already referred to these4 ,sidenote3 ,soup4 ,next comes soup1 generally one thick and one clear4 ,the attendant offers the diner a choice1 and he must promptly make it4 ,when it is set before him he begins at once1 not waiting till every one is served4 ,sidenote3 ,taste before salting4 ,he takes up the tablespoon1 placed ready at his right hand1 and it is not considered very good form to immediately put some salt into the soup before tasting it4 ,people who pride themselves on the possession of a clever cook sometimes feel annoyed at the distrust of her powers shown in this simple action4 ,sidenote3 ,the addenda to soup4 ,with soup small addenda are often handed4 ,the guest helps himself to these1 whether they are crotons1 fried bread-crumbs or other supplementary provision1 with the spoon handed round on the dish4 ,sidenote3 ,when to begin dining4 ,it is a very old-fashioned piece of good manners to wait till every one is served4 ,so old-fashioned is it that it survives at present only among the uncultured classes4 ,the correct thing to do nowadays is to begin eating without reference to others4 ,the old style must not only have been trying in consequence of seeing one's food grow cold before one's eyes1 but it must also have been responsible for making dinner a very slow and tedious meal4 ,now the attendants remove the plates from the guests first helped directly the fork is laid down1 and this greatly accelerates the service4 ,sidenote3 ,tilting the soup-plate4 ,sidenote3 ,the direction of the tilt4 ,the soup-plate1 if tilted at all1 is raised at the side nearest the eater1 so that the soup collects at the furthest point from him4 ,it is generally unnecessary to tilt the plate1 however4 ,but the thing to avoid is passing the left hand round it in a half-embrace and tilting it towards the eater4 ,this is highly incorrect2 it is also dangerous4 ,the soup has been known to spill on the cloth1 and even over the diner4 ,when the servant is removing your soup-plate he will sometimes ask1 8,any more1 sir80 to which you must reply in the negative4 ,a shake of the head will suffice4 ,sidenote3 ,neither soup nor fish may be helped twice4 ,soup is never helped twice4 ,nor is fish4 ,this is the next course4 ,bread is always eaten with fish4 ,i have already explained that a silver knife and fork are used4 ,sidenote3 ,fish and fish sauce4 ,the sauce handed is almost invariably accepted4 ,sometimes the cruet is handed round1 containing some sort of condiment suitable to the fish served4 ,it is1 of course1 a matter of choice whether this be accepted or not4 ,very few diners work straight through a menu without omitting some dishes4 ,sidenote3 ,omitting dishes4 ,the idea of giving so many is that there may be some to suit all tastes4 ,no one is expected to take of all1 though it is quite permissible to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,entres4 ,after the soup and fish the entres are handed round4 ,the dishes are presented at the left side of the diner1 and he helps himself with his right hand1 a tablespoon being placed on the dish for that purpose2 or with both hands1 using spoon and fork1 should the nature of the dish render this necessary4 ,sidenote3 ,accompaniments to dishes4 ,when slices from a joint1 or game1 or poultry are handed round1 the vegetables1 gravies1 and sauces accompanying them are handed after4 ,it is usual to wait for these etceteras before beginning upon the meat1 fowl1 venison1 or game4 ,for instance1 no one would commence upon a slice of roast beef or mutton without potatoes or gravy1 nor upon a piece of pheasant without browned bread-crumbs1 or bread sauce1 or gravy4 ,i say 8no one0 would do it1 but ,i have seen it done1 whether in absence of mind or from pressure of appetite ,i cannot pretend to say4 ,it is a mistake1 however4 ,sidenote3 ,sweets and cheese4 ,cheese is handed round after the sweets in order to prepare the palate for the enjoyment of dessert wines4 ,this1 at least1 was the original meaning of introducing it at this stage of the meal4 ,sidenote3 ,ice-pudding4 ,but now ice-pudding1 when served1 follows it1 thus contradictorily re-establishing the reign of sweets4 ,sidenote3 ,savouries4 ,savouries are handed round with the cheese course4 ,these are eaten with a fork4 ,even a cheese fondu is eaten with a fork1 though the cook occasionally fails to bring it to the requisite firmness of consistency1 in which case it looks more suited to a spoon2 but the fork must do4 ,sidenote3 ,celery4 ,celery is eaten with the fingers1 like asparagus4 ,sidenote3 ,asparagus4 ,this last-named1 by the way1 if too much cooked1 and consequently very soft and unmanageable1 may be eaten with the fork1 but must not be touched with the knife4 ,and again1 should asparagus be served with the melted butter thrown over it1 it must be eaten with a fork4 ,it very seldom is so served1 but ,i have met with this mode in some houses4 ,cheese ramequins are eaten with the fingers4 ,sidenote3 ,cheese1 how served4 ,cheese itself is handed round on a dish or plate with the pieces cut ready to one's hand4 ,sidenote3 ,cheese1 how eaten4 ,the diner helps himself with the knife laid ready beside the pieces of cheese1 not with his own knife4 ,if watercress is handed round1 it is taken up in the fingers and eaten in the same way4 ,cheese is cut in small pieces and conveyed to the mouth on a piece of bread or biscuit4 ,very few persons continue to eat it in the old-fashioned way by carrying it to the mouth with the knife4 ,i have seen it taken up with the fingers1 but as cheese is apt to smell rather strongly it is better to avoid touching it4 ,sidenote3 ,a safe rule with sweets4 ,with regard to sweets1 it is a safe rule to use the fork only when it suffices for the work in hand4 ,with tarts1 as a rule1 both spoon and fork are necessary1 especially when there is syrup4 ,cold tart can often be comfortably eaten with a fork4 ,jellies and creams are eaten with a fork only2 ice-pudding with an ice-spoon1 or1 failing that1 a teaspoon4 ,from the moment one has unfolded one's napkin and placed the bread it contained at one's left1 there is nothing more to do that concerns the 8cover10 as the preparation for each diner's convenience is called1 until the dessert-plate1 with its d'oyley1 finger-glass1 silver knife and fork--and perhaps ice-plate and spoon in addition--is set down before one4 ,sidenote3 ,placing the dessert knife and fork4 ,sidenote3 ,d'oyley and finger-glass4 ,before the or dessert are handed round1 one must place the dessert-knife and fork at right and left1 respectively1 of one's plate1 and1 taking up the finger-glass carefully in one hand1 with the other place the d'oyley on the cloth to the left of one's plate1 then setting the finger-glass down upon it4 ,i say 8carefully10 because these glasses are often of the lightest possible kind1 and are occasionally of a costly description4 ,besides1 rough handling might tend to spill the water they contain4 ,sidenote3 ,dessert4 ,with regard to the dessert fruits1 c41 there are a few puzzles to be found among them for the inexperienced4 ,sidenote3 ,grapes4 ,grapes present one of these4 ,sidenote3 ,expelling skin and seeds4 ,they are taken up singly1 and afterwards the skin and seeds have to be expelled as unobtrusively as possible4 ,it is a matter of great difficulty to accomplish this by any other method than using the hand1 therefore this is the accepted custom4 ,the forefinger is curved above the mouth in a manner which serves to conceal the ejectment1 and the skin and seeds are in this way conveyed to the plate1 the fingers being afterwards wiped with the napkin4 ,sidenote3 ,bananas4 ,bananas are peeled with the knife and fork1 and the pieces are conveyed to the mouth by means of the fork4 ,sidenote3 ,oranges4 ,oranges are cut in two1 then in four1 and with the aid of knife and fork the contents of each section are extracted in two or more parts1 and carried to the lips on the fork4 ,sidenote3 ,apples and pears1 c4 ,apples and pears are peeled with the knife and fork2 peaches1 apricots1 and nectarines in the same way4 ,sidenote3 ,strawberries4 ,strawberries are taken by the stem1 dipped in sugar and cream1 and carried to the lips with the fingers4 ,if the fruit has been picked free of husks and stem1 it may be bruised on the plate with sugar and cream1 and eaten with a spoon4 ,preserved ginger is eaten with the knife and fork4 ,sidenote3 ,pines and melons4 ,a spoon is necessary with pines1 melons1 and very juicy strawberries1 after they have been prepared with the knife and fork4 ,sidenote3 ,nuts4 ,nuts are cracked with the nutcrackers1 and then extracted by the fingers4 ,with filberts and ,brazil nuts the knife and fork are called into requisition in order to free them from skin1 but walnuts are too intricate for anything less wonderful in mechanism than the human hand4 ,in view of this1 they are sometimes prepared before being sent to table1 and of late years they have been sold ready cracked and peeled for this purpose4 ,sidenote3 ,almonds4 ,almonds are never sent to table in their shells1 so that they present no difficulties to the novice4 ,at dessert they are usually accompanied by raisins1 which1 like the almonds1 are carried to the mouth in the fingers4 ,sidenote3 ,crystallised fruits4 ,crystallised fruits are cut with the knife and fork1 unless they happen to be of a small size1 such as cherries4 ,in that case they are eaten whole1 being carried to the lips on the fork4 ,sidenote3 ,liqueurs4 ,liqueurs are handed round at dessert1 poured out ready into the small glasses that are called after them4 ,there is generally a choice1 such as 8,chartreuse or ,bndictine1 sir80 to which it is unnecessary to reply1 8,both1 please10 as a historic young man did once4 ,sidenote3 ,passing the wines4 ,the servants often leave the dining-room when the dessert is placed on the table1 and when this is so1 the wine is passed round from hand to hand1 each gentleman attending first to the lady he has escorted and then helping himself before passing on the decanter1 claret jug1 or champagne bottle4 ,the good old fashion of using silver decanter-stands has long disappeared1 to the detriment of many a good tablecloth4 ,so has the genial and hospitable fashion of drinking wine with one's guests1 and they with each other4 ,but this may be rather a good thing in the interests of temperance4 ,sidenote3 ,the water-drinker not singular4 ,apropos to this subject1 ,i may remark that there is now nothing singular in drinking nothing but water4 ,the days are gone when a man was thought a milksop because he could not 8drink his bottle10 or if he refused wine or spirits4 ,should any young man prefer water1 he asks for it when the servants offer him wine4 ,he is then offered ,apollinaris or distilled water or soda-water1 or some other preparation of filtered and distilled water1 and may choose some of these in preference to plain water4 ,sidenote3 8,one wine0 diners4 ,claret is the favourite dessert wine of the day1 but port is still seen at some tables1 and it is usual to offer champagne1 as many prefer to drink only one kind of wine throughout the meal1 from start to finish4 ,in fact1 this is becoming quite a fashion in some sets4 ,sidenote3 ,cigars and cigarettes4 ,the host provides cigars and cigarettes for his guests1 and it would not be necessary or advisable to produce one's own supply4 ,sidenote3 ,when the ladies leave the dining-room4 ,when the ladies rise to leave the dining-room1 the gentleman nearest the door opens the door for them1 and stands beside it until they have all passed through1 when he closes it after them4 ,however anxious he may be to join them in the drawing-room1 he must not do so until the others make a move4 ,sometimes1 if he is very young and rather 8out of it0 when politics or sport are under discussion1 his host says to him1 8,i'm afraid you are bored4 ,if you would like to join the ladies1 don't stand on ceremony40 ,but on the other hand he may dread the ordeal of entering the drawing-room alone1 and feel that the safer way is to wait for a convoy4 ,this he must decide for himself4 ,sidenote3 ,a hint from the host4 ,perhaps his host may wish to talk confidentially with some other guest4 ,if he makes this apparent to the younger man1 the latter must accept any such intimation as the above1 understanding it to be a courteous mode of dismissing him4 ,sidenote3 ,the ordinary rule when rejoining the ladies4 ,the ordinary rule is that the gentlemen join the ladies all together1 the man of highest position leaving the dining-room first1 the host last4 ,tea is then carried round in the drawing-room1 and the gentlemen take the empty cups from the ladies and put them down in some safe place1 out of the way of risk of accident4 ,sidenote3 ,when a lady sings or plays4 ,should any lady sing or play1 the gentleman nearest to her escorts her to the piano and helps her to arrange her music1 to dispose of her gloves1 fan1 handkerchief1 c4 ,sidenote3 ,leaving early4 ,it is scarcely etiquette for young men to leave first after a dinner-party4 ,it is more usual for the elders of the party to make the first move towards departure4 ,but should the young man have an engagement of a pressing kind1 such as a promise to escort ladies to a ball1 he must withdraw in good time1 explaining the position to his hostess4 ,no one leaves after a dinner-party without saying 8,good-night0 to his host and hostess4 ,even in the case of an early departure1 before the gentlemen have left the dining-room1 the guest must visit the drawing-room to make his adieux1 not only to the lady of the house1 but to any others who may be of his acquaintance4 ,those whom he has met for the first time that evening may be saluted with a parting bow4 ,at a formal dinner-party the evening suit is imperative1 with dress-coat1 white or black waistcoat1 black trousers1 and white tie4 ,when dining with friends with whom one is on terms of familiarity1 the dinner-jacket may be substituted for the coat4 ,black ties often take the place of white4 ,patent-leather shoes or boots must be worn4 ,it would be unpardonable to appear in thick walking-boots or shoes2 and the necessity for immaculately polished footgear has cost the young man of the present day many a cab4 ,his varnished shoes must show no trace of mud or dust4 ,to tell the truth1 he often carries a silk handkerchief in his pocket wherewith to obliterate the traces of the latter4 ,the pocket-handkerchief used with evening dress must be of white cambric1 and of as good a colour as one's washerwoman will permit4 ,it ought to be of fine quality4 ,the hair must be short and very well brushed4 ,it used to be the custom to tip the servants on leaving the house where one had dined as a guest1 but this has fallen into disuse4 ,there are many men who hand a silver coin to the butler1 or footman1 or waiting-maid who helps them into their coats1 calls up their carriage1 or hails a cab for them1 seeing them into it1 or rendering any other service of a similar kind4 ,this is a matter that each man must decide for himself4 ,it is only necessary to remark that the custom of giving shillings or half-crowns to the servants after a dinner-party no longer reigns2 though there are always good-natured folk who will not let it absolutely die out4 ,,public ,,dinners4 ,the following information is supplied by a gentleman well-known in the ,city1 and thoroughly au fait in such matters4 ,sidenote3 ,public dinners4 8,public dinners may be classed as those given by associations1 or public bodies1 and those given by institutions1 such as some of the great ,city companies4 ,sidenote3 ,when given by an association4 ,when given by an association1 the function is generally managed by a committee1 who have the arrangement of all the details1 such as choosing the menu1 the wines1 preparing the programme of music1 instrumental or vocal1 and arranging the due sequence of the speeches4 ,sidenote3 ,on arrival4 ,a guest invited to such an entertainment who may not be of the few highly placed personages who sit at the cross-table or on the das1 and from whom speeches are expected1 will1 on arriving at the hall1 hotel1 or public institution selected1 find that the first thing required of him will be his invitation card4 ,in exchange for this he will be handed a more or less elaborate menu card1 which will also contain the list of music and a sketch showing the positions of the guests' seats at the tables4 ,sidenote3 ,saluting the hosts4 ,after depositing his hat and overcoat in the cloak-room1 receiving a numbered ticket for them1 he enters the reception-or drawing-room1 his name is announced1 and he passes into the room1 goes up to the members of the committee1 who stand by themselves to receive the guests1 bows or shakes hands1 and passes on to join the other guests who are either sitting or standing in groups engaged in conversation4 ,sidenote3 ,when dinner is announced4 ,when dinner is announced the hosts and the highest in rank of the guests file into the dining-room and take up their position by their chairs1 followed by the rest2 any clergyman present says grace on being asked to do so1 and the banquet commences4 ,sidenote3 ,the order of the ceremony4 ,strangers sitting next to each other soon fall into conversation1 and after the dispatch of the solid portion of the repast come the speeches4 ,music is played at intervals1 perhaps a few songs sung by professionals1 then dessert1 cigars1 and coffee1 after which the guests find their way to the drawing-room for more general conversation1 some preferring to leave without re-entering the drawing-room4 ,in such large gatherings it is not necessary to take leave of their hosts1 as a rule4 ,sidenote3 ,dinners given by ,city ,companies4 8,dinners given by ,city companies are very much on the same principle4 ,the guest has but to don his evening clothes and carry himself with easy composure1 not always quite a simple matter to the inexperienced1 if one may judge from the hurried steps and the sudden bob that many give on entering the reception-room after arrival40 ,sidenote3 ,dinners for charities4 ,at dinners given on behalf of charities1 it is well to go prepared with a subscription1 as a collection is often made on these occasions4 ,if not prepared to subscribe1 it is more discreet to stay away4 ,sidenote3 ,on tips4 ,with regard to tips the only ones really recognised are those for which the plates on the cloak-room table are laid ready in expectation of small silver coins4 ,though no fees are actually necessary at table1 the initiated person is well aware that the man behind his chair can administer to his wants and see that he is liberally provided with viands and wines or other matters without keeping him waiting longer than necessary4 ,a tip1 quietly conveyed before the dinner is under way1 is not by any means wasted4 ,it sometimes happens that semi-official dinners are given at private houses1 when proprietors of ,sidenote3 ,semi-official dinners at private houses4 newspapers or wealthy men interested in certain undertakings1 entertain the staff of those employed4 ,in such circumstances it may be as well to warn the guests against addressing the footmen as 8waiter40 ,this may appear to be superfluous advice1 but ,i have myself been present when the mistake was made1 evidently to the intense indignation of the magnificent being thus addressed4 ,at such dinners as these1 the host treats his guests as his social equals for the nonce4 ,by having invited them to his house he places himself in the position of regarding them as he would his own friends at his dinner-table4 ,any infraction of this would be in the worst taste4 ,it is also usual to abstain from any business talk at such times as these1 the conversation being encouraged to dwell on general topics4 ,though the fiction of social equality is maintained by the host1 the guests need not adopt a familiar1 free-and-easy manner in response4 ,true manliness involves sufficient self-respect to preserve the possessor from falling into this error2 but it is1 perhaps1 a little difficult for the novice1 on such occasions1 to bear himself in such wise as to avoid undue familiarity on one hand and an air of stiffness and standoffishness on the other4 ,in his anxiety not to appear to presume upon the friendliness of his host's manner1 he is apt to wear a rather repellent air4 ,and this is more particularly so when the employ is by birth the equal1 if not the superior1 of his entertainer4 ,it often happens that a man at the head of a great business has risen from obscure beginnings to the command of wealth and a high position in the world1 enjoying a title and many of the extraneous advantages of rank4 ,among those whom he employs may be several who are his social superiors in all but wealth2 but any of them who imagine that this fact gives them any claim upon his consideration or entitles them to converse with him upon a footing of equality1 make a radical mistake4 ,their position1 as regards their employer1 is exactly that justified by their standing in his firm4 ,the true gentleman is well aware of this1 and would never dream of asserting himself in any way on the strength of being well-born or highly educated4 ,he leaves all that kind of thing to the man who feels his claim to gentlemanhood to be so shadowy and insecure as to need constant insistance4 ,besides1 the host is usually the elder1 and deference to seniority is an important part of good manners1 and sits extremely well upon the young4 ,,at ,a ,,restaurant4 ,sidenote3 ,should ladies request refreshment4 ,when accompanying ladies who express a wish for refreshment1 it is not necessary to select a very expensive restaurant or confectioner's4 ,one suitable to the social status of the party should be chosen4 ,sidenote3 ,the man pays4 ,the young man must pay for what his companions eat and drink1 and very often this is a most embarrassing matter4 ,he may have enough money in his pocket to defray the bill1 and he may not4 ,sidenote3 ,though he cannot afford it4 ,in any case1 he is often unable to afford it1 but the probabilities are that if he has the wherewithal about him1 he will pay in order to extricate himself from an awkward predicament1 even though he may consequently be crippled financially for some days to come4 ,if he has only two or three shillings in his pocket1 he feels extremely uncomfortable4 ,sidenote3 ,no well-bred woman would make the request4 ,no well-bred woman or girl would ever place an acquaintance on the horns of such a dilemma4 ,but unfortunately there are many girls and women who are lacking in taste and refinement1 and who would regard it as an excellent joke to play such a trick upon a 8fellow10 as they would probably call him1 and enjoy his discomfort4 ,sidenote3 ,the best course to adopt4 ,the best thing to do in such a case is to be perfectly frank and open4 8,i'm extremely sorry1 but ,i have not sufficient cash with me for the purpose40 ,it is very disagreeable to have to say so1 but it is less mortifying than to have to acknowledge it to the waiter at the restaurant4 ,a young man told me that he had once1 in such a case1 to leave the table on pretence of speaking to the proprietor and fly round to a pawnbroker's to pledge his watch4 ,sidenote3 ,a well-bred girl would bear her own expenses4 ,a really well-bred girl or woman would make it clear that she intended to pay for her own meal1 and that only on that condition would she accept the escort of the young man4 ,sidenote3 ,on taking advantage of a man's generosity4 ,sometimes after a run on a bicycle or a hot walk1 a young man will say to his sister and her friend1 8,come in and have an ice40 ,if the friend is one of the unscrupulous sort1 she will very probably run him into what1 for him1 is a considerable expense4 ,he must pay it1 however1 and the worst of it is that he cannot sit there and let her eat all by herself4 ,even his sister1 should she be present1 must in good manners join in to a certain extent4 ,otherwise the implied reproof would be too obvious for good breeding4 ,,at ,,lunch4 ,luncheon is a comparatively informal meal4 ,sidenote3 ,going down to luncheon4 ,the guests do not pair off1 as at dinner1 but on the meal being announced the host1 if there be one1 would open the door for the ladies1 who would go downstairs1 followed by the hostess1 the gentlemen behind her4 ,sidenote3 ,in the absence of the host4 ,very often the master of the house is absent at luncheon1 in which case the hostess would rise1 and1 addressing her principal guest1 would propose to her to lead the way downstairs4 8,shall we go down to lunch1 ,mrs4 ,so-and-so80 would be sufficient4 ,the other ladies would probably be sufficiently versed in the laws of society to refrain from preceding those of higher position1 and the hostess would always be the last lady to leave the drawing-room4 ,sidenote3 ,positions at table4 ,the guests sit down where they please1 the host or hostess sometimes making a suggestion on the matter4 ,sidenote3 ,after the meal4 ,after the meal the guests return to the drawing-room1 but only for a short time4 ,the gentlemen resume their overcoats and take their hats and umbrellas in the hall1 where they had left them4 ,sidenote3 ,making calls at luncheon-time4 ,should a man make a call at luncheon-time1 he is often asked to remain for the meal4 ,in that case he would carry his hat and stick into the dining-room with him1 just as he would if making an ordinary call4 ,but it is much better never to call anywhere at lunch-time unless one is on very familiar terms with the family4 ,many young men acquire a reputation for 8cadging0 for lunch or dinner in this way4 ,sidenote3 ,invitations from young members of the family4 ,invitations from the younger members of the family are not official1 unless plainly endorsed by the elders1 or one of them4 8,miss ,lucy invited me to lunch0 is a poor plea4 8,frank asked me to come and dine this evening10 is no better4 ,young men cannot be too particular about this matter4 8,i'll get my mother to ask you to dinner1 old man10 would be the safer sort of invitation4 ,the lady of the house must fix the date1 and she usually writes the invitation herself or gives it personally4 ,sidenote3 ,unendorsed invitations from a daughter of the house4 ,should a daughter of the house give a young man an invitation to any meal1 without reference to her father or mother1 it would be incorrect in the highest degree to accept it4 ,as to children1 their invitations go for nothing1 of course1 though cases have been known in which they have been accepted4 8,i met little ,eddy in the park1 and he made me come in with him40 ,this has a very poor and pitiable sound at luncheon hour or teatime4 ,sidenote3 ,making one's adieux4 ,it is not necessary to make one's adieux to each guest in turn4 ,the hostess is taken leave of first1 as a rule1 and the lady1 or ladies1 with whom one has been conversing will expect a special word and bow1 perhaps offering a hand2 but a general bow will be sufficient for those to whom one is not very well known4 ,it is only at family parties that one has conscientiously to go round the room shaking hands with everybody4 ,,five ,o',,clock ,,tea ,,and ,,afternoon ,,at-,,homes4 ,gentlemen are in great request at five o'clock tea4 ,sidenote3 ,duties of men at five o'clock tea4 ,their duties are rather onerous if there are but one or two men and the usual crowd of ladies4 ,they have to carry teacups about1 hand sugar1 cream1 and cakes or muffins1 and keep up all the time a stream of small talk1 as amusing as they can make it4 ,they must rise every time a lady enters or leaves the room1 opening the door for her exit if no one else is nearer to it1 and1 if his hostess requests him1 he must see the lady downstairs to her carriage or cab4 ,sidenote3 ,his own refreshment4 ,with regard to the viands1 a man helps himself1 but not till he has seen that all the ladies in his vicinity have everything they can possibly want4 ,his hostess1 or some lady deputed by her to preside at the tea-table1 gives him tea or coffee1 and he adds sugar and cream4 ,sidenote3 ,afternoon at-homes4 ,with regard to afternoon at-homes1 the arrangements are quite different4 ,invitations are sent out a fortnight or three weeks before1 generally the latter1 and in the height of the season even longer4 ,suppose the young man's name to be ,edward ,smith4 ,his invitation would be as follows3-- ------------------------------------- ,,mr4 ,,edward ,,smith4 ,,lady ,,dart ,,at ,,home1 ,tuesday1 ,november #crd4 #d ,,to #g4 #ab1 ,evergreen ,square4 ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p4 ------------------------------------- ,sidenote3 ,accepting invitation4 ,he replies1 on a sheet of notepaper3--8,mr4 ,edward ,smith has much pleasure in accepting ,lady ,dart's kind invitation for ,tuesday afternoon1 ,november #crd40 ,sidenote3 ,a great mistake4 ,it's a great mistake to write3--8,will have much pleasure in accepting40 ,accepting is the action of the present moment while he is writing the reply4 8,will have0 refers to the future1 and is therefore unsuitable4 ,the answering of invitations is a simple matter enough1 but it is a test of good breeding4 ,,at ,,the ,,play4 ,sidenote3 ,the underbred man at the play4 ,at a theatre the underbred man is often in evidence1 not only in the low-priced seats1 but also all over the house4 ,he has been seen--and heard--in private boxes4 ,a well-known music-hall celebrity administered a scathing reproof to one of these1 who persisted in talking loudly while she was singing4 ,stopping short1 she looked up at the box in which he sat1 and cried3 8,one fool at a time1 please10 after which he was as quiet as a mouse4 ,sidenote3 ,entering late4 ,it is a piece of bad manners to enter the theatre late1 disturbing the audience and annoying the players or singers4 ,sidenote3 ,and leaving early4 ,it is equally rude to leave before the entertainment is ended1 unless the interval be chosen when nothing is going on4 ,at a concert this is particularly true1 for there are devotees of music who hang upon every note and to whom it is a distinct loss to miss a single phrase of the compositions they have come to hear4 ,sidenote3 ,inattention uncivil4 ,singers1 actors1 and actresses generally possess the sensitive1 sympathetic1 artistic temperament1 and it is wounding to them to see members of the audience fidgeting1 rustling about1 chattering1 laughing1 and otherwise showing inattention when they are doing their best to entertain them4 ,it is1 therefore1 uncivil to betray inattention4 ,sidenote3 ,on appreciation4 ,a little appreciation goes a long way with the members of the professions of music and the drama4 ,an actor told me once that after having made a certain speech two or three times without any sign of amusement from the audience1 on the fourth night of the play a single silvery note of musical mirth was heard from the stalls4 ,it was but one note--say ,e flat on the treble clef--but the audience immediately joined in1 perceiving the point of the speech as though it had been illuminated for them by this one little laugh4 ,he declared that ever after that night his formerly unsuccessful 8lines0 elicited a roar of laughter4 ,probably this was partly due to the sense of encouragement he felt1 inspiring him to due emphasis4 ,sidenote3 ,in taking ladies to a place of entertainment4 ,in taking ladies to a place of entertainment a gentleman hands them into their carriage1 a cab1 or an omnibus1 getting in last4 ,arrived at their destination the gentleman alights first1 handing out the ladies1 and giving any necessary orders to the coachman1 or paying the cabman's fare4 ,by the way1 it is always as well to give instructions to the coachman about where he is to ,sidenote3 ,instructions to the coachman4 be found1 and at what hour he is to pick up his party1 before entering the carriage1 as policemen view with much disfavour any prolonged dialogue outside a place of entertainment where vehicles are setting down their occupants in quick succession4 ,should there be a footman1 of course all these difficulties are obviated1 as he can carry the instructions to the coachman1 and also knows where to find the carriage when the performance is over4 ,sidenote3 ,should a hired brougham be used4 ,should a hired brougham be used as a conveyance in going to any place of entertainment1 or even a party at a private house1 it is an excellent plan to give the coachman a bright-coloured handkerchief1 scarlet or orange perhaps1 that he may wear it conspicuously displayed1 and can in this way be at once recognised4 ,sidenote3 ,to obviate waiting4 ,it is a miserable business on a wet night to hunt for a brougham up and down ill-lighted streets when in evening dress and patent leather boots1 and anything that tends to shorten the task is advisable4 ,nor do ladies enjoy waiting in the draughty vestibule of opera-house1 theatre1 or concert-room for an indefinite period while a short-sighted cavalier is groping about the streets for their carriage4 ,if it is a question of a cab1 the commissionaire at the door is the best person to get one1 which he will do for a small fee4 ,sidenote3 ,a word of warning4 ,here again a word of warning is needed4 ,there are men who1 in their special care of the ladies in their charge1 forget that it is no part of the duty of a gentleman to ignore the claims of other women who have not the advantage of belonging to their party4 ,sidenote3 ,consideration due to all women4 ,i have seen men who ought to have known better rudely pushing other ladies away from the door of a cab or railway carriage in order that their own womenkind may be well looked after4 ,it is all very well to be attentive and anxious to do one's best1 but it is ill-bred to the last degree to subject to rudeness any ladies who happen to be without a gentleman to look after them4 ,sidenote3 ,an instance4 ,retribution followed very swiftly in one instance of the kind4 ,at ,sandown station one day the second special train for ,waterloo was coming in1 and the platform was crowded with gaily-dressed women1 tired and hot after the walk across the fields on a tropical ,july day4 ,a lady and small ,eton boy were together1 and suddenly1 when about to open the door of a carriage at the moment the train came to a standstill1 found themselves all but thrown down by a sweeping motion of the arm of a young man who was bent on reserving that particular carriage for his party4 ,without a word of apology to the lady1 he shouted to his sisters and friends to 8,come on10 still holding back the two who had wished to get in4 ,they entered the next compartment1 and as they did so the lady remarked to her companion1 8,what an extremely ill-mannered person that is60 ,meanwhile the party next door were settling down and congratulating themselves on having secured seats1 when one of them turned to their over-zealous friend and remarked1 8,i saw ,lady ,blank get into the next carriage with her eldest boy40 8,who80 he asked1 with a sudden and remarkable rush of colour on his face4 ,the lady to whom he had behaved so rudely turned out to be one from whom he had that very morning received a long-desired invitation to spend a few days at her country house in the following month4 ,this he owed to the good offices of a friend in the ,f4 ,o41 and1 delighted at having made such a step in his social career1 he had at once written off accepting the invitation4 ,it is scarcely necessary to add that he never made the visit1 but had to wire at the last moment one of those conventional excuses that the 8unco guid0 call fibs1 but which are only the transparent devices adopted by society to lubricate some of the more difficult of its processes4 ,between the acts of a play the modern man thinks it his duty to himself to go out and have a drink1 perhaps smoke a cigarette4 ,sidenote3 ,the interval4 ,there was a time when1 had any such suggestion been made to a gentleman who had constituted himself the escort of a lady1 he would have asked1 though perhaps not in ,milton's words-- 8,and leave thy fair side all unguarded1 lady80 ,but now the majority of young men visit the bar or the foyer4 ,sidenote3 ,how a man may win golden opinions4 ,but who shall say what golden opinions are won by those who do not follow the custom1 who refrain from acquiring the odour of tobacco1 or whiskey1 or brandy while they are in the company of ladies in the heated atmosphere of a theatre8 ,a lady sometimes says to the men of her party1 8,i see that there is a general stampede going on4 ,don't mind me if you would like to go out40 ,if they go she thinks1 8,oh1 they are just like the rest40 ,if they stay she says to her own heart1 8,how delightful it is to find a man who can do without a ,b4-and-,s4 or a smoke for two or three hours60 and up he goes many pegs in her estimation4 ,sidenote3 ,other considerations4 ,apart from the lady he is with and considerations connected with her1 there is the inconvenience to which many of the audience are subjected by the passing in and out of so many4 ,however1 it is a recognised custom1 so much so that a smoking foyer is attached to all the best theatres1 and a warning bell is rung in it by the management a few minutes before the rising of the curtain4 ,sidenote3 ,when refreshments are brought around4 ,refreshments are frequently carried round by attendants to private boxes1 and sometimes in the stalls as well4 ,should they appear1 it is the duty of the gentleman of the party to ask the lady or ladies if they wish for any1 and to pay for what is consumed4 ,it is1 however1 a rare thing for ladies to eat or drink at the play4 ,the gentleman also pays for the programme at the few theatres where a charge is made4 ,sidenote3 ,on unnecessary payment for programmes4 ,i may mention1 by the way1 that it is not considered very good form to pay for programmes at theatres where the management makes no charge4 ,instances have been known where attendants have been discharged for accepting such fees2 and even apart from this1 it is tantamount to presenting the attendant with sixpence or a shilling if one insists on paying for a programme or two provided free of charge4 ,many of the attendants are superior to accepting it4 ,,at ,a ,,ball4 ,sidenote3 ,the etiquette of the ball-room4 ,the etiquette of the ball-room is not difficult to acquire1 and yet there are thousands of young men going into society constantly who flagrantly fail in it4 ,their bad manners are conspicuous4 ,they decline to dance unless the prettiest girls in the room are 8trotted out0 for them1 block the doorways1 haunt the refreshment-room1 and after supper promptly take their leave4 ,could any course of conduct be in worse taste8 ,and what can a poor hostess do8 ,young men are necessary at dances1 and they must be invited4 ,if they will not dance1 who shall make them8 ,sidenote3 8,the delight of the hostess's heart40 ,the delight of the average hostess's heart is the well-bred man1 unspoiled by conceit1 who can always be depended on to do his duty4 ,he arrives in good time1 fills his card before very long1 and can be asked to dance with a plain1 neglected wallflower or two without resenting it4 ,he takes his partner duly to the refreshment-room after each dance1 if she wishes to go1 and provides her with whatever she wishes4 ,before leaving her1 he sees her safe at her chaperon's side4 ,if he should sit out a dance he returns in time to claim his partner for the next1 not leaving her till it is half over1 as is the wont of some young men4 ,sidenote3 ,self-denial the secret of good society4 ,the truth is that society demands a never-ending series of self-denying actions from those who belong to it1 and the more cheerfully these are performed1 the more perfect are the manners4 ,what can be more enjoyable than to sit in some cool retreat with a charming girl1 enjoying one of those innocent flirtations that do so much to give zest to life8 ,but delightful though it be1 the temptation to prolong it must be resisted1 if an expectant partner is missing her dance and waiting in the ball-room to be claimed4 ,sidenote3 ,non-dancers should not accept invitations4 ,it is bad manners to go to a ball unless one is accomplished in the art of dancing4 ,to do so is to take the place of one who may be more expert and therefore in greater request4 ,consequently1 every man who wishes to be a success in society must learn to dance4 ,there are abundant opportunities for doing so at the various dancing 8academies10 as they are rather unsuitably entitled1 for there is not much about them of the academical1 as generally understood4 ,sidenote3 ,the value of private lessons4 ,private lessons are dearer than the others1 but they are really necessary for most men who have not been taught to dance when boys4 ,the whole attention of the teacher should be given during the first three or four4 ,a man has so much to learn in addition to the correct movements of his feet4 ,he must be taught to hold his head up1 to grasp his partner gently but firmly1 not to tread on her toes or knock his knees against hers1 and also how to steer his course and hers in an imaginary crowded room4 ,sidenote3 ,the finishing touches4 ,afterwards come the finishing touches1 when1 perfect in the steps and carriage of the body1 the learner is taught to glide gently from foot to foot1 regulating his pace as quickly or as slowly as he may wish4 ,at first this seems to be impossible1 for the novice is inclined to 8rush his fences10 as it were1 and he waltzes round the room at breakneck speed1 making himself giddy and breathless1 and sometimes causing dire catastrophe4 ,a girl finds it difficult to forgive a man who has made her look ridiculous4 ,sidenote3 ,a fall3 generally the man's fault4 ,the fall of a couple is not a frequent occurrence in a ball-room1 but when it does happen it is almost always the man's fault4 ,girls take much more naturally to the graceful movements of the dance1 and are1 besides1 more often taught in childhood than their brothers4 ,sidenote3 ,at a private ball4 ,at a private ball the guest enters and greets his hostess before speaking to any one else4 ,she shakes hands with him and passes him on to some one to introduce him to partners1 perhaps her husband1 perhaps her son4 ,sidenote3 ,the card should be filled early4 ,with this beginning he will probably get on very well and may half-fill his card1 and he should take care to do so at once1 for at some balls the nice girls are immediately snapped up and engaged for even the extras before they have been twenty minutes in the room4 8,are you engaged for every dance1 ,miss ,grey8 ,can you spare me one80 ,and ,miss ,grey probably gives him one1 but if he is a stranger of whose calisthenic prowess nothing is known1 she is careful to give him only one4 ,sometimes his partners1 if they discover that he dances well1 introduce him to their sisters and friends4 ,if1 however1 he should find himself left high and dry towards the end of the evening1 he should go back to the gentlemen of the house and ask them to introduce him to somebody else4 ,young men of experience in such matters usually manage very well without this1 but the novice has often to face the alternative of dancing no more or asking to be introduced4 ,sidenote3 ,the 8supper0 dance4 ,hostesses sometimes make special introductions for the 8supper0 dance1 the one immediately preceding that meal4 ,this means that the man introduced1 unless engaged to dance it with some one else1 is imperatively called upon to accept the partner offered him and take her down to supper4 ,sidenote3 ,asking a lady to dance4 ,in asking a lady to dance it is usual to say1 8,will you give me this waltz80 or 8,may ,i have this barn-dance80 ,some young men say1 8,would you like to dance this8 ,come along then60 but such a form of address is only suited to intimates4 ,sidenote3 ,after the dance4 ,when the dance is over1 and the partner left with her friends1 the man says1 8,thank you10 bows1 and leaves her4 ,sidenote3 ,seeing a lady to her carriage4 ,if he wishes to see any lady to her carriage1 he asks her permission to do so1 folds her wraps round her1 hands her in1 and stands until the carriage has gone some yards away4 ,,engagement ,,and ,,marriage4 ,the old-fashioned rule that a man must approach the father of a girl before offering himself in marriage to her has now1 to some extent1 died out4 ,sidenote3 ,a man may not propose when her family object4 ,at the same time it is considered dishonourable for any one to propose to a girl in the face of the decided disapprobation of her family4 ,clandestine courtship is also regarded as dishonourable1 except in circumstances where the girl is unhappy or oppressed and needs a champion4 ,sidenote3 ,proposal in person4 ,the usual way to ask for the admired one's hand in marriage is in person4 ,this is always preferable to writing1 though some men have not the courage to adopt the first course4 ,sidenote3 ,asking the father's permission4 ,should the lady accept the offer1 the happy wooer must take the earliest opportunity of seeing her father1 or1 failing him1 her nearest friend1 and begging him to permit the engagement4 ,should he consent1 all is well2 but in the contrary case1 his decision must be accepted4 ,to allow a girl to engage herself against the wish of her family ,sidenote3 ,should the father refuse consent4 is to drag her into a false position4 ,very often submission to the decree effects more towards procuring its reversal than violent opposition4 ,it is difficult1 of course1 for young people to be patient1 but if they can only manage a little of it they would find the truth of the ,french proverb1 8,all things come round to those who know how to wait40 ,sidenote3 ,the engagement ring4 ,immediately upon having the engagement ratified1 the accepted suitor gives the lady an engagement ring4 ,this should be as handsome a present as he can afford to buy4 ,together with all other presents and correspondence on both sides1 this ring must be returned if the engagement should be broken off4 ,sidenote3 ,one's duty to one's betrothed4 ,the accepted man is in duty bound to spend most of his leisure with his intended bride4 ,he must not go off for a sojourn abroad while she is spending some weeks by the sea in ,england1 unless she has expressed a wish to that effect4 ,it would be a considerable 8snub0 to her to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,a significant announcement4 ,society has sometimes been amused by the announcement one day of a 8marriage having been arranged between ,mr4 ,a4 and ,miss ,b410 and on the next of the intention of ,mr4 ,a4 to start for a tour round the world4 ,this almost always means that the man has been entrapped into a proposal1 and would willingly retreat if he honourably could4 ,such things happen only too often4 ,manuvring mothers have much to answer for in the matter4 ,worldly girls have often sufficient wisdom of the serpent to bring a reluctant wooer to the point and1 by immediately announcing the engagement to their friends1 to make it extremely difficult for him to retreat4 ,sometimes a girl falls so wildly in love with a man that she creates a kind of corresponding1 though passing1 fervour in him1 and while it lasts he believes himself in love1 though his emotions are only a mixture of gratified vanity and that physical attraction which needs true love to redeem it from the fleshly sort4 ,sidenote3 ,when a girl takes the initiative4 ,should marriage follow upon such courtships as these1 where the girl takes ever the initiative1 the union is very seldom a happy one4 ,the wife never feels sure that her husband really loves her or would have chosen her4 ,she knows that he was her choice1 rather than she his1 and a racking jealousy seizes her and makes her not only miserable herself1 but a very uncomfortable companion for him4 ,sidenote3 ,the unhappy sequel4 ,he1 too1 often finds when it is too late that she fulfils none of his ideals1 and is in many ways a contrast to the girl he would have chosen if she had not whirled him into the vortex of her own strong feeling4 ,and he occasionally wonders if she may not some day experience a similar strength of attraction for some other man and let herself be carried away by it as she had been by her feeling for him4 8,hot fires soon burn out10 he thinks1 and remembers the warning given to ,othello3 8,she hath deceived her father1 and may thee40 ,sidenote3 ,long engagements4 ,no man should drag a girl into a long engagement4 ,nor should any man propose to a girl until he is in a position to provide for her4 ,sidenote3 ,and unsuitable positions4 ,he is only standing in the way of other wooers who may be well supplied with this world's gear4 ,such trifles as wealth and ease may appear as nought to the mind of the youthful lover1 not to be weighed for a moment in the balance with love and young romance4 ,the girl1 too1 may be of the same way of thinking at the time1 but it the more behoves the man1 the stronger1 to consider her and to remember that poverty is such a bitter and a cruel thing that it even kills love at times4 ,sidenote3 ,a man's duty to look at cold facts4 ,recrimination in the home is a hard thing to bear4 ,and yet how many millions of women since the world began have said to their husband3 8,oh1 why did ,i ever marry you8 ,i could have done so much better40 ,and how many men have said to their wives3 8,well6 ,you were determined to have me1 so now you must make the best of me40 ,however1 we will suppose these rocks and quicksands past1 the engaged couple happy1 and the wedding day at hand4 ,sidenote3 ,the bridegroom's obligations4 ,custom demands that the bridegroom shall present her bouquet to the bride1 as well as bouquets and a present each to the bridesmaids4 ,he must furnish the house for the bride in every detail1 not excepting the house and table linen1 which1 in the old days of spinning-wheels1 was wont to be contributed by the bride herself4 ,sidenote3 ,the best man4 ,he must provide the wedding ring and the carriage in which his best man and himself go to church4 ,he pays the fees to clergyman and clerk1 but it is the best man who hands them over4 ,with him the bridegroom waits at the altar till the bride arrives4 ,she takes her place at his left hand for the first time1 and at the proper moment he produces the ring which is the symbol of their union4 ,sidenote3 ,the bridegroom's dress4 ,the usual dress of a bridegroom consists of a very dark blue frock-coat1 light trousers1 light or white scarf-tie1 patent boots1 and a new hat4 ,,dress4 ,it is absolutely true1 though in a very limited sense1 that the tailor makes the man4 ,sidenote3 ,importance of dress4 ,if a man does not dress well in society he cannot be a success4 ,if he commits flagrant errors in costume he will not be invited out very much1 of that he may be certain4 ,sidenote3 ,the penalty of solecisms of costume4 ,if he goes to a garden party in a frock-coat and straw hat1 he is condemned more universally than if he had committed some crime4 ,the evidence of the latter would not be upon him for all men to read1 as the evidence of his ignorance in social forms is1 in his mistaken notions of dress4 ,things are more involved than ever in the sartorial line1 since so many new sports and pastimes have sprung up for men4 ,sidenote3 ,tailors not always to be relied on4 ,a man cannot consult his tailor upon every trifling detail1 even if his tailor were always a perfectly reliable authority1 which is not always the case1 for there are tailors and tailors4 ,a young man's finances do not always allow him to go to one of the best1 and the second and third-rate artists in cloth are apt to purvey second and third-rate fashions to their customers4 ,a brief summary of the forms of dress appropriate to various occasions may be of some use to the inexperienced4 ,it is obvious that to enter into detail would be out of place in a matter where change is the order of the day4 ,sidenote3 8,certain fixed rules40 ,but there are certain fixed rules that are1 in a sense1 permanent1 and with these ,i may succinctly deal4 ,sidenote3 ,for morning wear4 ,for morning wear the morning-coat or jacket or the tweed suit is correct4 ,after lunch1 when in town1 the well-dressed man may continue to wear his morning-coat or the regulation frock-coat1 with trousers of some neat1 striped grey mixture4 ,the tailor's name for the material of these is 8mixed cheviots40 ,sidenote3 ,light trousers4 ,it is not considered good form to wear very light trousers except on special occasions1 such as weddings1 garden parties1 or afternoon assemblies of a festive kind4 ,even then it is better to err on the quiet side than to be over-loud4 ,sidenote3 ,black coats4 ,the days of broadcloth have long gone by1 and coats are now made of vicuna cloth or black twilled worsteds1 with a dull finish and of an elastic quality4 ,waistcoats may be single or double-breasted4 ,there is no restriction as to the colour of the tie4 ,sidenote3 ,the ,park suit4 ,the ,park suit may consist of a grey or light-brown frock-coat1 with waistcoat and trousers to match1 and this is the usual dress for ,ascot1 the smartest of all the races4 ,at ,sandown the low hat and tweed suit1 or long racing coat1 are worn1 except on such days as the ,princess of ,wales is present1 when the ,prince sets the example of wearing a black coat and silk hat1 and all other men are expected to follow his example4 ,sidenote3 ,for a summer morning in the ,park4 ,for a morning walk in the ,park in summer the straw hat1 or low hat and tweed suit1 are as correct as the black coat and silk hat4 ,but it must be remembered that a straw hat or low hat cannot be worn with a black coat of any kind4 ,sidenote3 ,brown boots4 ,the 8pot0 hat and brown boots are permissible with an overcoat1 under which there may be a tweed suit1 but brown boots may not otherwise accompany a black coat1 though they are admissible with the ,ascot suit4 ,sidenote3 ,special suits4 ,there are special suits for all kinds of outdoor amusements1 such as shooting1 golfing1 tennis1 boating1 driving1 riding1 bicycling1 fishing1 hunting1 c41 but into the details of these it is unnecessary to enter4 ,sidenote3 ,spoiling an otherwise good effect4 ,it may be remarked1 however1 that it is easy to stultify the whole effect of these1 however perfectly they may be 8built0 by the tailor1 by the addition of a single incongruous article of attire2 such as a silk hat or patent boots with a shooting-suit4 ,sidenote3 ,the modern dress-coat4 ,the dress-coat is no longer made of broadcloth1 the shiny finish of which would now have a very old-fashioned appearance4 ,the ordinary evening coat is made of an elastic twill cloth1 with a dull finish4 ,its elasticity makes it fit to perfection when cut by a good tailor4 ,of course it would be incorrect to wear other than black trousers with it4 ,the waistcoat is much cut away1 to show a wide expanse of immaculately got-up shirt-front4 ,this is the only correct costume for evening wear on all occasions of a formal nature4 ,sidenote3 ,the dinner-jacket4 ,the dinner-jacket has very largely superseded the dress-coat for home wear and at dinners in houses where one is a familiar guest4 ,it is occasionally seen at the play1 too1 but it would be incorrect to wear it when accompanying ladies4 ,sidenote3 ,on evening dress at theatres4 ,etiquette is not now nearly so strict as it used to be in the matter of evening dress in the stalls1 private boxes1 and dress circle of the theatres4 ,i think this is rather to be deplored1 but the wave of democracy that has poured over society of late has left its impress in this as in other matters4 ,though theatre managers put on the tickets special to the best seats 8,evening ,dress10 ,i have seen half-a-dozen men in the stalls dressed in a variety of unorthodox fashions1 and once1 in ,august1 ,i even saw a man in a boating suit come in1 straw hat in hand1 and1 ushered by an unprotesting attendant1 take his seat4 ,in the off-season1 when all the fashionable people are out of town1 this was not1 perhaps1 very surprising4 ,sidenote3 ,a courageous young man4 ,but he must have been a courageous young man4 ,sidenote3 ,mourning dress4 ,mourning for men seems almost a dead-letter nowadays1 except in the first two or three weeks after bereavement4 ,a widower's mourning is not worn for more than a couple of months1 unless the widower should belong to the numerous class who cling conservatively to old customs1 and believe that to doff his weeds would imply some disrespect to his late wife4 ,disraeli1 in his 8,endymion10 puts the following words in the mouth of ,mr4 ,vigo1 the great tailor3-- ,sidenote3 8,dress does not make a man40 8,dress does not make a man1 but it often makes a successful one4 ,the most precious stone1 you know1 must be cut and polished4 ,i have known many an heiress lost by her suitor being ill-dressed4 ,you must dress according to your age1 your pursuits1 your object in life2 you must dress1 too1 in some cases1 according to your set4 ,in youth a little fancy is rather expected1 but if political life be your object1 it should be avoided--at least after one-and-twenty4 ,sidenote3 8,but it often makes a successful one40 ,i am dressing two brothers now1 men of considerable position2 one is a mere man of pleasure1 the other will probably be a ,minister of ,state4 ,they are as like as two peas1 but were ,i to dress the dandy and the minister the same1 it would be bad taste--it would be ridiculous4 ,no man gives me the trouble which ,lord ,eglantine does2 he has not made up his mind whether he will be a great poet or a ,prime ,minister4 #8,you must choose1 my lord1' ,i tell him4 #8,i cannot send you out looking like ,lord ,byron if you mean to be a ,canning or a ,pitt4' 8,what all men should avoid is the #8shabby genteel4' ,no man ever gets over it4 ,i will save you from that4 ,you had better be in rags40 ,,country ,,life4 ,sidenote3 ,dress in the country4 ,dress in the country varies considerably in many matters from that worn in town4 ,a boy's first 8country suit0 after he leaves school is a great event to him4 ,sidenote3 ,the first suit of tweeds4 ,at ,eton and ,harrow the style of dress might almost be called a uniform1 and the first suit of tweeds marks the emancipation from school-life4 ,when in the country he dons these the first thing in the morning1 unless he should be on hunting or bicycling thoughts intent1 or should incline towards tennis1 boating1 or the slow delights of angling4 ,after lunch a change has occasionally to be made4 ,sidenote3 ,at a garden party4 ,should a garden party be in question1 he may take his choice between tweed suit and low hat or cutaway coat with silk hat4 ,if he happen to be great on tennis the tweed suit would be naturally his choice1 unless it were distinctly understood that the game would form a prominent feature of the afternoon's entertainment4 ,in this case flannels would be worn4 ,sometimes very ceremonious garden parties take place in the country1 when ,royalty or distinguished persons are expected to be present1 when the frock coat and its usual accompaniments would not be out of place4 ,sidenote3 ,invitations to breakfast4 ,invitations to breakfast in the country are by no means unusual4 ,the dress would consist of that ordinarily worn in the mornings1 whether tweed suit1 knickerbockers1 hunting or riding gear1 or the black morning-coat or suit4 ,frequently a silk hat is never seen between ,sunday and ,sunday4 ,sidenote3 ,church-going costume4 ,churchgoers still1 to a certain extent1 affect it1 but in these days of outdoor life1 bicycling1 and so on1 the costume worn by men in church is experiencing the same modifications that characterise it in other departments4 ,the details of shooting suits can always be studied in the illustrated advertisements of the tailors4 ,a man's wardrobe is now almost as varied as a woman's4 ,he has different costumes for walking1 riding1 driving1 visiting1 boating1 hunting1 shooting1 golfing1 bicycling1 tennis1 and cricket1 dining1 smoking1 and lounging1 football1 racing1 and yachting1 to say nothing of uniform and ,court suit1 besides the now developing motor-car costume4 ,,visiting-,,cards ,,and ,,calls4 ,it is necessary for every young man to have a supply of visiting-cards1 and for these there is one fixed rule1 any departure from which betokens want of knowledge of the customs of well-bred people4 ,sidenote3 ,visiting-cards1 size and style4 ,the size must be exactly three inches by one and a half4 ,the pasteboard must be pure white and glossy and the lettering must be in italic4 ,an idea prevails among young men of a certain class that it is incorrect to put the title 8,mr40 before their own name on a visiting-card4 ,this is a great mistake4 ,not to put it is to show oneself lacking in savoir faire4 ,sidenote3 ,the customary or other title must precede the name4 ,the name must always be preceded by 8,mr40 or 8,sir10 or other title4 ,the address must occupy the left-hand corner1 and the name of one's club or clubs must follow it4 ,sidenote3 ,in the absence of a permanent address4 ,when a young man has no permanent address1 it is well to have only his name printed1 filling in the address in pencil before leaving or presenting his card4 ,sidenote3 ,the hours for calling4 ,the hours for calling are from four to seven in the afternoon1 but young men who are not on very intimate terms with the family should carefully abstain from calling after six o'clock1 lest they should be the last and solitary caller4 ,sidenote3 ,on arrival4 ,when the door is opened1 and the question1 8,is ,mrs4 ,blank at home80 answered in the affirmative1 the visitor is invited to follow the servant4 ,he may take off his overcoat if he wishes1 but he must carry his hat and stick in his hand4 ,the right-hand glove must be removed4 ,the gloved hand is never given to a lady1 certain exceptional circumstances proving the rule4 ,sidenote3 ,greeting the hostess4 ,arrived in the drawing-room1 he holds his hat and glove in the left hand1 greets hostess first1 she shaking hands with him1 and then he looks round the room and greets any acquaintance he may recognise1 going up to them if he knows them well1 bowing if his previous knowledge of them has been slight4 ,having taken his seat1 he still holds his hat in his hand1 and he must find small talk as best he can1 for sitting silent is awkward for him and distressing to his hostess4 ,she1 by the way1 will probably say1 8,would you not like to put down your hat80 indicating some spot where he may lay it4 ,the reason of carrying the hat to the drawing-room ,sidenote3 ,the reason why the hat is carried4 is a somewhat subtle one4 ,it is based on the supposition that the masculine caller feels himself privileged in being permitted to pay his respects1 and feeling himself on sufferance1 is ready to leave in a moment1 hat in hand1 should he not find his presence agreeable and acceptable4 ,i have a private theory that this custom is cherished and kept up by men from a conviction that their hats are much safer in their own sight in the drawing-room than they would be downstairs in the hall4 ,new umbrellas have been taken instead of old1 as we all know1 and new hats are quite as tempting1 if not more so4 ,sidenote3 ,the card should not be sent up4 ,do not send your card up when making a call4 ,this is reserved for business men4 ,the servant asks your name1 and it must be given very distinctly4 ,it will then be announced in a loud1 clear voice when the door is opened4 ,should the hostess show by her manner that she has not recognised the name1 its owner must recall himself to her memory by saying1 8,i am ,mr4 ,so-and-so4 ,i had the pleasure of10 c41 c41 explaining the circumstances that led to the call4 ,sidenote3 ,leaving the card on departure4 ,the visiting-card must be left on the hall table when the caller goes away1 one card for the ladies of the house1 and one for the gentleman or gentlemen1 whether these latter have been present or absent during the call4 ,should the lady called on be 8,not at home0 the cards are given to the servant4 ,sidenote3 ,rendering an important service4 ,when a man has rendered an unknown lady some really important service1 as in the case of a street accident or some other disagreeable circumstance in which he has been able to avert from her some unpleasantness which she would have otherwise incurred1 the lady will probably ask him to let her know to whom she is indebted for so much kindness4 ,the proper course to pursue is to disclaim any special obligation1 but if the lady persists1 it is then good manners to give the name4 ,should the gentleman feel very much interested in the lady1 he may say1 8,i should very much like to call to-morrow to find out if you are none the worse for your adventure40 ,she may then give him her address1 and he would give her his card4 ,sidenote3 ,a trivial service4 ,but this would all be very much out of place if the affair had been some mere matter of common courtesy1 such as picking up some article dropped by a lady and restoring it to her4 ,a gentleman in such circumstances raises his hat and retires as quickly as possible1 lest the lady should imagine that he could base a claim to her acquaintance on the performance of so trivial a service4 ,it is only the 8cad0 who thus presumes1 and the 8cad-ess0 who allows him to do so4 ,visiting-cards are never sent by post4 ,they denote a call in person4 ,sidenote3 ,p4,p4,c4 ,cards4 ,the only exception to this rule is in sending out ,p4,p4,c4 cards4 ,these are always sent by post4 ,the letters denote pour prendre cong 78to take leave071 and are used when it is found impossible to call and say goodbye to all one's circle of acquaintance4 ,a call after a ball or dinner-party must be made within the week1 and cards left4 ,sidenote3 ,sickness and death4 ,in calling to inquire after the welfare of an invalid1 or after the family has suffered bereavement1 cards are always left4 ,if a man is on intimate terms with a family that has suffered bereavement1 he sometimes uses cards with a slight line of black1 and should he write a letter of condolence1 notepaper and envelopes with the same slight indication of mourning on them4 ,this expresses sympathy and a personal share in the sorrow felt4 ,in making a call after death has visited any family1 the dress of the caller should be attuned to the occasion1 and should be of a sombre order1 though it need not be precisely mourning4 ,when a man is a frequent visitor to any house1 he may leave his hat and stick in the hall4 ,the umbrella is never taken into a drawing-room4 ,sidenote3 ,after an invitation4 ,cards must be left after an invitation1 whether the latter be accepted or not4 ,in case of not wishing to pursue the acquaintance of the person who sent the invitation1 it is sufficient to leave the cards without inquiring whether the lady is at home4 ,sidenote3 ,terminating an acquaintanceship with courtesy4 ,if a man should wish1 for any reason1 to courteously end an acquaintanceship1 he can do it without any of the intolerable 8cutting10 a method resorted to only by the rough and uncultivated4 ,sidenote3 ,the final call4 ,he may make a call that1 in his own mind1 he knows to be a final one1 remaining only just the quarter of an hour that is the minimum length of such functions1 and preserving a certain gravity of demeanour which is as free from 8sulks0 as it is from other forms of bad temper4 ,after this1 he may leave cards once more without asking if the ladies of the family are at home4 ,in this way he can gradually and with perfect courtesy break off the intimacy4 ,sidenote3 ,in the street4 ,in the street he raises his hat but does not stop to speak4 ,it is quite possible to ignore the attempt to do so on the opposite side1 but should circumstances be such as to make it difficult to do so without positive rudeness1 he must stop1 putting an end to the conversation at the earliest possible moment4 ,sidenote3 ,duration of call4 ,a call should never extend over half an hour unless the caller be expressly requested to prolong it4 ,sidenote3 ,consulting the watch4 ,a gentleman never looks at his watch during a call1 at a dinner-party1 afternoon reception or ball4 ,this is prohibited because the inference would be that time was dragging with him and that he was anxious to get away4 ,a man may feel such anxiety1 but he must hide it if he would be deemed well-bred4 ,young men who do not pay their duty call and leave a card after any entertainment1 are likely to be omitted from the list of guests invited on some succeeding occasion4 ,sidenote3 ,when a man finds himself 8dropped40 ,occasionally it happens that a young man finds himself 8dropped0 by some family with whom he has been on terms of intimacy4 ,he is debarred by the rules of polite society from asking for an explanation1 it being a canon of good breeding never to ask questions that are embarrassing to reply to4 ,this has been embodied in a very outspoken and unceremonious phrase 8you ask me no questions1 ,i tell you no lies40 ,there is a deep truth in it1 nevertheless1 and even in family life it is well to observe it4 ,sometimes the reason a young man is dropped in this way is that something to his disadvantage has been discovered4 ,sidenote3 ,an occasional reason4 ,but not unfrequently the true reason is that one of the daughters of the house has shown a preference for his society which the parents think should be checked4 ,girls of the present day do not always exercise the well-bred self-control that is the rule of good society in such matters4 ,to love unsought is a misfortune for any girl1 leading inevitably to much mortification and humiliation1 but these may be minimised if she can only practice a dignified reticence about her feelings4 ,sidenote3 ,putting out a feeler4 ,but should a young man thus capriciously 7as it seems to him7 be left out in the cold be on sufficiently good terms with a son of the house1 it would be quite in rule for him to put out a feeler or two on the subject3 8,i say1 old fellow1 ,i wonder if ,i have been so unfortunate as to offend your people in any way80 ,he will soon discover1 from the aspect of his interlocutor1 whether he is likely to gain any information on the matter4 ,,calls ,,of ,,inquiry4 ,sidenote3 ,calling on friends bereaved4 ,in calling on friends who have suffered bereavement1 after having received their card of thanks for kind inquiries1 it is1 of course1 requisite that the dress should be of the quietest description4 ,a red tie1 for instance1 would be horribly out of place4 ,only in case of very intimate friendships is the call prolonged beyond ten minutes or a quarter of an hour4 ,the caller takes his tone from that of the family4 ,sidenote3 ,avoiding reference to the loss4 ,it is in the worst taste to refer to the loss sustained unless the initiative is taken by one of those bereaved4 ,this is very seldom done1 and the conversation is usually conducted on lines calculated to avert any disturbing remark4 ,no one likes to break down or lose self-command except in seclusion2 and1 in fact1 it is only necessary to look into one's own consciousness in order to discover what is the best course to follow in such cases4 ,sidenote3 ,attending the funeral4 ,should a young man be invited to attend the funeral1 he must wear mourning1 black gloves1 and black hatband4 ,punctuality1 important at all times1 is particularly essential at this dreary ceremonial4 ,the family usually provides carriages1 but in the case of friends who possess equipages1 they always take their own4 ,it is the custom to assemble at the house1 or to go by fixed train should the family reside in the country4 ,sidenote3 ,invitations to return4 ,it is better not to accept any invitations to return to the house afterwards2 for1 as a rule1 these are only given as a matter of form4 ,sidenote3 ,gifts of flowers4 ,we often see in newspapers after the announcement of a death1 a request that no flowers may be sent4 ,failure to comply with this would argue a want of perception1 but when no such intimation is made a friend may send flowers1 the only essential being that they should consist as a rule of pure white flowers or orchids1 pansies1 or violets4 ,occasionally an exception is made to these in the case of favourite flowers of the lost friend4 ,an exquisite garland of pale tea-roses appeared among the scores of wreaths seen at the funeral of one of our greatest poets4 ,,manner4 ,sidenote3 ,the importance of a good manner4 ,it would not be easy to over-estimate the importance of a good manner from a social point of view4 ,it ranks far above much more important qualities4 ,the 8rough diamonds0 who conceal their traditional good heart under a surly exterior are seldom happy people1 notwithstanding their genuine thoroughness and real goodness4 ,sidenote3 ,the qualities valued by society4 ,in family life and in society a gentle manner 8covers a multitude of sins40 ,the world and the home reflect back to us the face we present to them4 ,if we cultivate a bright and cordial manner we shall be heartily received by others1 though the real nature of us lies beneath as cold and hard as salt fresh from a mine4 ,in the home the coldness and hardness are soon found out1 but they are partially condoned for the sake of the superficial courtesy and kindness4 ,in society the quality of the heart matters little1 so long as the surface is1 at the same time1 genial and polished4 ,sidenote3 8,life is a large bundle of little things40 ,life is chiefly made up of small things1 and if we learn to take an interest in the trifling incidents of our friends' lives1 in the everyday occurrences in the existence of our acquaintances1 we supply the sympathetic element that tells so largely in our favour4 ,sidenote3 ,simulation may induce reality4 ,and very often the simulation of this interest induces the reality1 and our own life is brightened by participating in the pleasures and the happiness of others1 and deepened by sharing in their disappointments1 and by doing so helping them to overcome them4 ,with a cold1 forbidding manner it is impossible to convey any such impression4 ,sidenote3 ,shyness4 ,but this often comes from shyness1 not only in the young1 but all through life4 ,the youthful form of shyness is self-consciousness and self-distrust4 ,that which lasts through life is the fear of self-revelation4 ,sidenote3 ,and reticence4 ,even the frankest natures have often this quality of reticence1 which forbids them to reveal the inner depths of their thoughts1 and makes them hate to be divined4 ,rochefoucauld says we all hate to be divined1 though we like to divine others2 but many of us know well what a delightful thing it is to be read like an open book by those whose thoughts reflect our own1 and with whom we discover ourselves to be in mental kinship4 ,sidenote3 ,the ideal life--few friends1 many acquaintances4 ,the ideal life is that which has few friends but many acquaintances4 ,the friends are close and firm ones1 8grappled to our hearts with hooks of steel10 and the circle of acquaintances offers opportunities for adding to their number4 ,but without an agreeable manner it is difficult to secure these inner and outer spheres of social companionship4 ,sidenote3 ,a recipe for the formation of a good manner4 ,were ,i asked to give a recipe for the formation of a good manner ,i should recommend an equal mixture of self-confidence and humility as the first essential1 then a considerable desire to please1 tempered by the self-respect which preserves from officiousness and that annoying air of 8ingratiating0 themselves that some men assume in society4 ,there must be perfect self-possession1 though in the very young this is scarcely expected1 a little becoming shyness sitting very well upon them4 8,i like a shy man4 ,he's getting so scarce10 said a very pretty woman at a ball not long since4 8,find one1 quick1 and introduce him40 ,her laughing emissaries went off to search for the desired article1 and after a while returned with the report that the only shy man in the room was engaged for every dance6 ,sidenote3 ,add gentleness to self-possession4 ,when self-possession has been acquired it is well to add on to it the saving grace of gentleness4 ,this quality is much misunderstood by men4 ,in women they adore it2 in themselves and each other they undervalue it4 ,but women love gentleness in men4 ,it is a most telling piece of the necessary equipment for society4 ,a gentle manner1 a gentle voice1 and the absence of all self-assertion1 that is at the root of the matter1 have won more love than good looks4 ,carlyle called the members of upper-class society 8amiable stoics10 in reference to the equable serenity of countenance and calm self-possession of manner with which they accept those occasionally trying conditions of social life which necessitate self-denial in matters great and small4 ,sidenote3 8,amiable stoics40 ,this placidity is the result of long training4 ,not just at first does a young man bow to the decree of his hostess which separates him from the girl he admires and tells him off to take some uninteresting dowager to the supper-room4 ,but should he evince any sign of discontent with the arrangement he is at once convicted of ill-breeding4 ,the man of 8perfect manners0 is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances1 as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and pretty4 ,sidenote3 ,the man of 8perfect manners40 ,it is difficult to renounce the delightful tte--tte with a charming girl when asked by his hostess to dance with some poor wallflower who has been neglected for half-a-dozen dances4 ,but it has to be borne1 and eventually it brings its own reward4 ,the 8duty0 dance is a hard thing1 and good manners involve a considerable amount of self-denial2 but repetition soon makes it comparatively easy1 and invitations of an agreeable kind pour in on the young man who shows himself willing to practise those peculiar forms of selflessness1 opportunities for which so frequently arise in society4 ,sidenote3 ,self-denial not unrewarded4 ,it is probably in imitation of this surface equanimity that the wooden stare has been adopted so universally by our golden youth4 ,sidenote3 ,the wooden stare4 ,this is useful for wearing at one's club or in the stall of a theatre1 and it at once stamps the proprietor of the stare as being 8in it40 ,the fashion is not confined to ,england4 ,it reigns in ,new ,york1 and even in far ,australia there is a select coterie of golden or gilded youth who are beginning to learn how to abstract every atom of expression from the countenance1 and to look on vacantly or seem to do so4 ,as yet1 there is no considerable expertness achieved in the matter in ,antipodean circles1 but in ,new ,york a very fair impression of imbecility is conveyed in the look of the ultra-fashionable young man4 ,there are various other important matters on which a transatlantic authority has been instructing the youth of his generation4 ,the one involving the most serious responsibility is connected with carrying a cane or stick1 as it is better form to call it4 ,sidenote3 ,transatlantic etiquette4 ,it must be left at home when going to business1 to church1 or to make calls4 ,the idea of the latter prohibition is that1 if a call is made on a lady cane in hand1 the inference would be that the caller is on sufficiently intimate terms to look in on her casually at any time4 ,there is certainly subtlety in this view4 ,it is well that the novice should be made aware that the lowest depth of vulgarity is touched by carrying an umbrella in a case4 ,it is also an important item of information that the gloves and cane must be carried in the same hand4 ,to do otherwise is seriously to err in social forms4 ,our instructor declares that to attend oratorios and philharmonic concerts is thoroughly bad form1 indicating a tendency to be pedantic4 ,it is much better to go to a horse show4 ,it is by no means considered correct to shake hands4 ,the proper way is to take hold of the fingers of one's acquaintance at the second joints1 and bestow upon them one or two decisive little jerks1 as though testing their strength4 8,no1 ,i thank you10 is a form of words no longer heard in good society1 having some time since been replaced by 8,no1 thanks40 ,no man with any claim to social position would consent to pronounce the 8g0 at the end of the present participle of verbs4 8,comin' and goin'0 are the correct forms just now4 8,don't you know0 is ridiculously correct4 ,men of perception do not care to be more accurate than others of their set4 8,don't-chi-know0 is more customary1 and the pronunciation marks the man as riding on the topmost crest of the social wave4 ,there must be a staccato sound about the phrase1 which alternates pleasantly with the languid drawl4 ,the latter is still in favour1 and accompanies admirably the studied lack of animation in the expression and general wooden look of the face4 ,to revert for a moment to the cane1 or walking-stick4 ,sidenote3 ,the stick4 ,there is much to be deduced from the manner in which it is carried4 ,the correct style is to hold it at an angle of forty-five degrees1 with the ferule uppermost and forward4 ,this is the sort of thing that no man could possibly discover for himself4 ,the natural man would incline to carry his stick in such fashion as would tend to direct its point to the ground4 ,this unsophisticated mode would at once reveal him as uninitiated in the minor morals of good manners4 ,the latest mode of arranging the male hair1 as practised in ,new ,york1 and possibly nearer home as well1 is worth noting4 ,sidenote3 ,the hair4 ,first it is made thoroughly wet1 then brushed and parted1 after which the head is swathed with linen bands1 which are kept on until the hair is thoroughly dry4 ,this method produces the plastered appearance which is now recognised as good form4 ,though cordiality of manner is rapidly becoming obsolete1 and is utterly condemned by all who have studied the subject1 yet it is a recognised fact that amiability has now superseded sarcasm1 and the up-to-date young man practises a careless superficial benevolence of pronouncing every woman charming and every man a good fellow4 ,sidenote3 ,amiability4 ,the scathing1 satiric wit of the last century was as the nadir to this zenith of appreciative recognition of the best that is in every human being4 ,it is pleasant to be able to add to all this minute detail about little superficialities that the young man of to-day is a vast improvement on his predecessors in very many ways4 ,swearing is out of fashion4 ,getting intoxicated is decidedly 8low10 and those who disgrace themselves in this way are soon cut by their acquaintance4 ,some twenty years since things were very different4 ,sidenote3 ,the rowdyism of twenty years ago4 ,to get tipsy was regarded as a proof of manliness4 ,to wrench off door-knockers and play similar senseless pranks was considered a form of wit1 and the heroes of such performances were looked on with admiring eyes by their companions4 ,in many ways a higher standard now reigns4 ,sidenote3 ,a higher moral standard now reigns4 ,the pictures of ballet dancers that used once to adorn a young man's rooms have given place to others of a higher class4 ,dissolute and unprincipled men get the cold shoulder from others of their set1 and vice1 thank ,heaven1 is thoroughly out of fashion4 ,there is still plenty of folly4 ,it is inseparable from youth4 ,but in matters of more moment there has been immense improvement going steadily on for many years4 ,there are young men who mistake arrogance of manners for self-possession1 and who conduct themselves1 when in society with lifted chin and a haughty air that may accord very well with their own estimate of themselves1 but seem rather out of place to onlookers4 ,such a man invites comparisons between his social deserts and his implied conviction of superiority4 ,sidenote3 ,arrogance of manners4 ,he may take in a few inexperienced girls and young fellows of adolescent inability of judgment1 but even these triumphs are short-lived1 and he is set down as a 8pompous ass10 to use the young man's phrase for describing him4 ,it is good manners to articulate distinctly1 and bad manners to neglect to do so4 ,sidenote3 ,distinct articulation4 ,a man need not exactly take lessons in elocution 7though they would not be amiss71 but he can teach himself to pronounce clearly and use the ,sidenote3 ,tones of voice4 tone of voice that is best suited to the various occasions when he converses4 ,a breathy voice is extremely disagreeable4 ,the syllables come out enveloped in a sort of windy roar4 ,this is owing to a wrong way of breathing1 and it can easily be cured1 with advantage to the health as well as the personality4 ,sidenote3 ,the confidential tone4 ,a very confidential tone is always used by some men when they speak to women4 ,if they merely 8hope your gown did not get muddy0 they look into one's eyes and murmur like any sucking dove4 ,but if their articulation is indistinct they are quite a nuisance4 ,one has to ask them to repeat themselves1 and the nonsense they talk shows up very badly in an encore4 ,but when they enunciate clearly their devoted murmurings sometimes 8take0 very well4 ,it is not until a woman has seen three or four others besides herself approached in the same afternoon or evening with similar devout and prayer-like whispering that she begins to value this particularity at its true worth4 ,sidenote3 ,the word 8fellow40 ,with reference to the word 8fellow0 a subtle distinction or two must be drawn4 ,in lowly circles a young man is called 8a fellow02 young men 8fellows40 ,so it is in good society1 but with a distinct difference4 ,it is not very easy to make this difference clear4 ,young men of good position refer very commonly to others of their acquaintance as 8the fellows10 but they would not use the word to describe young men generally4 ,women1 young and old1 of the lower classes speak of young men generally as 8fellows10 but gentlewomen never do so4 ,a lady never uses the expression 8,a girl and a fellow40 ,at the same time she may frequently speak of 8young fellows40 ,i am aware that there is a want of clearness in all this1 but it is a matter among many others that can only be acquired by being accustomed to the usages of good society4 ,sidenote3 ,the 8,autocrat's0 test-word4 ,the ,autocrat of the ,breakfast-table said in one of his books that if he heard a woman pronounce the word 8,how10 he learned more about her in an instant than a third person could tell him in an hour4 ,if she called it 8haow10 she revealed herself as belonging to the uncultured classes4 ,in the same way1 if a girl were to say 8,i met a fellow yesterday10 she would unconsciously make a similar self-revelation4 ,a young man would make an equal mistake if he were to speak of 8my sister's fellow40 ,but he would be correct enough if he were to say 8the fellow my sister's engaged to40 ,sidenote3 8,tweedledum and tweedledee40 ,these little nuances of expression remind one of the old rhyme-- 8,strange that such difference should be ',twixt tweedledum and tweedledee40 ,sidenote3 ,small talk alone will not suffice4 ,though small talk is as indispensable in social life as pennies and halfpennies in the transactions of everyday existence1 we must also have conversational gold and silver at our command if we wish to be successful4 ,when the preliminaries of acquaintanceship are over there is no necessity to keep up the commonplaces of small talk4 ,to do so is rather insulting to women4 ,sidenote3 8,talking down0 really an insult4 ,to be 8talked down to0 is always aggravating1 especially when one feels a conviction that the person who is thus affably stooping for one's benefit belongs in reality to a lower intellectual plane than one's own4 ,sidenote3 ,yet polish alone often succeeds4 ,at the same time1 many young men 8with nothing in them0 are socially successful1 being possessed of those superficial qualities and that outward polish which are1 for the purposes of everyday intercourse1 more useful than abysmal personal depths4 ,was it ,goethe or ,schiller who said that for domestic utility a farthing candle is more useful than all the stars of heaven8 ,a light playfulness of fancy1 combined with the gentleness that carefully avoids wounding even the smallest1 is a high recommendation in society2 but to be for ever laughing is wearisome in the extreme to the spectators4 ,i make no apology for quoting here the following passages from 8,mr4 ,brown's ,letters to a ,young ,man ,about ,town0 from a ,punch of #ahdi4 8,mr4 ,brown0 was ,thackeray1 ,i believe4 ,sidenote3 8,mr4 ,brown's0 advice4 ,he says3-- 8,i beseech and implore you to make a point of being intimate with one or two families where you can see kind and well-bred ,english ladies4 ,i have seen women of all nations in the world1 but ,i never saw the equals of ,english women 7meaning1 of course1 to include our cousins the ,mac,whirters of ,glasgow and the ,o',tooles of ,cork72 and ,i pray sincerely1 my boy1 that you may always have a woman for a friend40 99 99 99 99 99 8,it is better for you to pass an evening once or twice a week in a lady's drawing-room1 even though the conversation is rather slow and you know the girl's songs by heart1 than in a club1 tavern1 or smoking-room1 or pit of a theatre40 99 99 99 99 99 8,remember1 if a house is pleasant1 and you like to remain in it1 that to be well with the women of the house is the great1 the vital point4 ,if it is a good house1 don't turn up your nose because you are only asked to come in the evening1 while others are invited to dine4 ,recollect the debts of dinners which an hospitable family has to pay2 who are you that you should always be expecting to nestle under the mahogany8 ,agreeable acquaintances are made just as well in the drawing-room as in the dining-room4 ,go to tea brisk and good-humoured4 ,be determined to be pleased4 ,talk to a dowager4 ,take a hand at whist4 ,if you are musical1 and know a song1 sing it like a man4 ,never sulk about dancing1 but off with you4 ,you will find your acquaintance enlarge4 ,mothers1 pleased with your good humour1 will probably ask you to ,pocklington ,square1 to a little party4 ,you will get on--you will form yourself a circle4 ,you may marry a rich girl1 or1 at any rate1 get the chance of seeing a number of the kind and the pretty40 99 99 99 99 99 8,the dressing1 the clean gloves1 and cab-hire1 are nuisances1 ,i grant you4 ,the idea of the party itself is a bore1 but you must go4 ,when you are at the party1 it is not so stupid2 there is always something pleasant for the eye and attention of an observant man40 ,,in ,,church4 ,sidenote3 ,on arriving late at church4 ,i know a young man who makes it a practice to arrive late in church every ,sunday4 ,i often wish that he did not go to my church1 for he makes me cordially despise him1 thus disturbing the calm and quiet of the proper frame of mind for ,sundays4 ,i conclude that he likes to be looked at1 though why he should do so is not apparent4 ,it is1 in fact1 not only rude1 but irreverent1 to be late in church for the beginning of the service4 ,if one should be accidentally late1 it is good manners to wait till the congregation rises from the kneeling posture before making one's way to a seat4 ,it is almost an awful thing to interrupt a prayer4 ,but ,i have seen people do it with no more scruple than if they were passing in a crowded street4 ,sidenote3 ,on the space one may occupy4 ,eighteen inches are the measurement of space allowed to each sitter in the churches4 ,in some it may be more2 in others it may be less4 ,but ,i have reason to believe that this is the average4 ,now1 if any man of extra size should find himself in a pew with other persons1 he must1 in common courtesy1 keep himself as well within the limits of eighteen inches as the width of his shoulders will allow4 ,but ,i have occasionally seen quite slim young men sprawl far beyond the frontier lines4 ,sidenote3 ,lounging4 ,lounging is a habit of the day1 and there are men who get themselves into marvellously corkscrew attitudes1 in church as elsewhere4 ,sidenote3 ,fidgety men4 ,fidgety men are more so in church than anywhere else4 ,they seem to find it impossible to keep still4 ,sometimes they even produce a cough wherewith to amuse themselves1 though they are not troubled with it at any other time4 ,the charm of a reposeful manner is denied to them4 ,reverence for the sacred place conduces to a quiet manner2 but this is not always felt by those who attend public worship4 ,sidenote3 ,the conventional idea of church attendance4 ,the conventional idea seems to be that such assemblies are merely phases of social life2 that it is respectable to be seen there2 and that the service and the sermon are things to be worried through in deference to a prevalent idea that they form part of an institution that is generally regarded as excellent4 ,sidenote3 ,the true light to regard the services in4 ,the small minority are those who regard church services in their true light as lifting the thoughts above earthly things1 and yet by no means unfitting them for earth4 ,where1 for instance1 could a better law of good manners be found than in the ,book of ,books8 ,a glance at the end of the fourth chapter of ,ephesians will show a code of conduct that1 if followed1 would make a man a perfect member of society4 ,,correspondence4 ,sidenote3 ,replying to letters4 ,it is impolite to leave letters unanswered for several days1 especially if the writers are ladies1 or1 if men1 superior in age or station4 ,notes of invitation should be replied to within twenty-four hours4 ,sidenote3 ,writing materials4 ,plain white cream-laid notepaper and envelopes should be used1 the latter either square or wallet-shaped1 but never of the oblong1 narrow shape peculiar to business correspondence4 ,the address on the notepaper should be embossed or printed in simple characters1 over-ornament being in the worst taste4 ,if the writer is entitled to use a crest1 it should be produced as simply as possible1 with or without the family motto1 and free from the glow of varied colour in which some men and women delight4 ,there are letters whose devices in scarlet and gold are strangely in contrast with the meagre and disappointing character of their contents4 ,they make one think of fried sprats served up on a gold entre dish4 ,the writing should be clear1 neat and legible1 the ink black4 ,sidenote3 ,the addressee's name4 ,in beginning a letter with 8,sir0 or 8,madam10 the omission of the name is remedied by inscribing it in the left-hand corner at the bottom of the note4 ,in commercial correspondence it seems to be the rule to put the name of the addressee just above 8,dear ,sir0 or 8,madam40 ,sidenote3 ,enclosing reply envelopes4 ,should it be advisable to enclose in any letter an envelope for a reply1 ready addressed1 it is not good form to put 8,esq40 after one's own name in addressing it4 ,sidenote3 ,addressing married women4 ,married women and widows are not addressed by their own ,christian names1 but by those of their husbands4 ,for instance1 no one versed in social forms would write 8,mrs4 ,mary ,smith10 but 8,mrs4 ,john ,smith40 ,widows of titled men have their ,christian name put before their surname1 thus1 8,laura ,lady ,ledding10 8,maria ,marchioness of ,adesbury10 8,georgina ,viscountess ,medway10 8,mary ,duchess of ,blankton40 ,the unmarried daughters of dukes1 marquises1 and earls have their ,christian name invariably inserted between their courtesy title and surname1 as3 8,lady ,mary ,baker40 ,when married they retain this form1 only substituting the husband's surname for their own1 as 8,lady ,mary ,garth40 ,but if their husband should be a peer1 they merge their courtesy title in his4 ,sidenote3 ,use of the third person4 ,the third person in correspondence is falling considerably into disuse1 and 8presenting compliments0 is almost obsolete4 ,invitations of a formal kind1 and their replies1 are couched in the third person1 but for purposes of correspondence with strangers it is almost always better to use the first person4 ,the exception is in replying to a letter written in the third person1 when it is in better taste to reply in the same way4 ,the third person is also used in writing to tradespeople3 8,mr4 ,edlicott will feel obliged if ,mr4 ,jones will kindly call on ,thursday morning with reference to some repairs40 ,in this case the reply would be written in the first person4 ,sidenote3 ,letters of introduction4 ,letters of introduction1 says ,la ,fontaine1 8are drafts that must be cashed at sight40 ,they are sometimes difficult to write1 especially if they have been asked for1 not volunteered4 ,they are always left unsealed1 but should there be circumstances about the person introduced which the other party should know1 it is well to communicate them in a private letter1 which should be despatched so as to arrive before the letter of introduction is presented4 ,any one receiving a letter of introduction would immediately take steps to show some attention to the individual introduced4 ,the usual thing is to ask him to dinner1 if he is a social equal2 to offer his services1 if he should be a superior2 and to ascertain in what way one can be useful to him1 if he is an inferior4 ,sidenote3 ,a call must precede invitations4 ,a personal call must precede all invitations4 ,this is a fixed and rigid rule1 the exception being in the case of persons presenting their own letters of introduction1 as is usually done4 ,but should the person to whom they are addressed be out1 the formal call must follow4 ,sidenote3 ,styles of address at the beginning of a letter4 ,all ladies1 from the ,queen downwards1 are addressed in beginning a letter as 8,madam02 all gentlemen1 from the highest to the lowest1 as 8,sir40 ,tradesmen1 however1 begin 8,your ,royal ,highness10 8,your ,grace10 or 8,your ,ladyship10 in writing to their titled employers4 ,they also address their letters quite differently1 as will be seen from the following instructions3-- ,,addresses ,,of ,,letters4 ,her ,majesty the ,queen4 ,to ,his ,royal ,highness the ,prince of ,wales4 ,to ,her ,royal ,highness the ,princess of ,wales4 ,this same form is used in addressing communications to all other members of the ,royal ,family1 adding the title where the word 8,prince0 or 8,princess0 would be incorrect1 as3-- ,to ,his ,royal ,highness the ,duke of ,york4 ,to ,her ,royal ,highness the ,duchess of ,york4 ,below the rank of royalty there is the distinction between letters addressed by persons on an equality with those to whom formal and they write1 and by inferiors4 ,sidenote3 ,address for the envelope--formal and informal4 ,i shall call them formal and informal1 and range them in separate lines4 ,informal4 ,formal4 ,the ,duke of ---- ,to ,his ,grace the ,duke of ---- ,the ,duchess of ---- ,to ,her ,grace the ,duchess of ---- ,the ,marquis of ---- ,to the ,most ,honourable the ,marquis of ---- ,the ,marchioness of ---- ,to the ,most ,honourable the ,marchioness of ---- ,the ,earl of ---- ,to the ,right ,honourable the ,earl of ---- ,the ,countess of ---- ,to the ,right ,honourable the ,countess of ---- ,the ,viscount ---- ,the ,right ,honourable the ,viscount ---- ,the ,viscountess ---- ,the ,right ,honourable the ,viscountess ---- ,lord ---- ,the ,right ,honourable ,lord ---- or ,baron ---- ,lady ---- ,the ,right ,honourable ,lady ---- or ,baroness---- ,sidenote3 ,addressing ,privy ,councillors4 ,members of the ,privy ,council are also addressed as 8,right ,honourable10 in the same way as ,peers4 ,in this case the names of commoners are not followed by the abbreviation 8,esq410 as3-- ,the ,right ,honourable ,james ,balfour1 ,m4,p4 ,sidenote3 ,ambassadors4 ,ambassadors and their wives are addressed as 8,his ,excellency10 8,her ,excellency10 the personal and official titles following the word1 as3-- ,to ,his ,excellency the ,earl of----1 ,ambassador ,extraordinary and ,plenipotentiary to ,france4 ,to ,her ,excellency the ,countess of----4 ,other official personages are addressed in the following way3-- ,to ,his ,excellency ,lord ,blank1 ,lord ,lieutenant of ,ireland4 ,to ,his ,grace the ,archbishop of----4 ,the ,right ,reverend the ,bishop of----4 ,the ,very ,reverend the ,dean of----4 ,sidenote3 ,degrees4 ,academical distinctions are indicated by the initials placed after the name--,,ll4,d4 for ,doctor of ,laws and ,learning1 ,d4,d4 for ,doctor of ,divinity and so on4 ,sidenote3 ,beginning the letter4 ,so much for the envelopes4 ,the proper way to begin letters is as follows4 ,as ,i have mentioned1 the ,queen is addressed as 8,madam0 in the inside of a letter4 ,a gentleman writing ,sidenote3 ,to the ,queen4 to the ,queen would sign himself1 8,i have the honour to submit myself1 with profound respect1 ,your ,majesty's most devoted subject and servant40 ,above the word 8,madam0 should be written 8,her ,majesty the ,queen40 ,lord ,beaconsfield struck out a line of his own and in writing to the ,queen began1 8,mr4 ,disraeli10 continuing in the third person and addressing ,her ,majesty in the second4 ,sidenote3 ,to the ,prince and ,princess of ,wales4 ,the ,prince of ,wales is addressed as 8,sir10 above this word being written 8,to ,his ,royal ,highness the ,prince of ,wales40 ,persons on intimate terms sometimes begin 8,sir0 or 8,dear ,prince10 others 8,my dear ,prince40 ,the ,princess of ,wales is occasionally addressed by friends as 8,my dear ,princess40 ,the two orthodox endings to such letters are respectively 8,your ,royal ,highness's dutiful and obedient servant10 or 7a humbler style7 8,your ,royal ,highness's dutiful and most obedient servant40 ,to all other ,royal ,princes and ,princesses the ending would be 8,most ,humble and ,obedient ,servant40 ,sidenote3 ,to a ,duke and ,duchess4 ,dukes other than royal are addressed inside letters by intimates as 8,dear ,duke10 by others 8,my ,lord ,duke1 may it please your ,grace40 ,in writing to a ,duchess her title is placed above the 8,madam40 ,in formal letters ,marquises would be addressed as 8,my ,lord ,marquis40 ,sidenote3 ,on omitting christian names from courtesy titles4 ,a very common form of mistake is that of omitting the ,christian name from the courtesy titles of the sons and daughters of dukes1 marquises1 and earls4 ,the sons have the title 8,lord0 prefixed to the ,christian and surname3 for instance1 8,lord ,alfred ,osborne10 8,lord ,henry ,somerset40 ,it is extremely incorrect to call either of these 8,lord ,osborne0 or 8,lord ,somerset40 ,the daughters of dukes1 marquises and earls have the title 8,lady0 before their ,christian and surname2 8,lady ,emily ,heneage10 for instance1 must not be addressed as 8,lady ,heneage40 ,should she marry a commoner only the surname is altered1 the 8,lady ,emily0 remains4 ,this may all appear a little involved to those unaccustomed to titles1 but neglect of these forms indicates very clearly a lack of savoir faire4 ,it is a source of great annoyance to the owners of courtesy titles to have the ,christian name omitted4 ,anybody1 even a knight's wife1 may be a 8,lady ,smith0 or 8,jones02 the insertion of the ,christian name before the 8,smith0 or 8,jones0 means that the possessor is the daughter of a duke1 marquis1 or earl4 ,sidenote3 ,beginning a letter to the above4 ,in beginning a letter to any of the above a stranger would say 8,dear ,lady ,mary ,smith10 but the usual form would be 8,dear ,lady ,mary40 ,inferiors would begin by writing the lady's title over the word 8,madam10 or merely beginning 8,madam0 and writing the title at the end of the letter4 ,sidenote3 ,to an ambassador with conclusion4 ,in writing to an ambassador or his wife the title is placed above the word 8,sir0 or 8,madam40 ,inferiors would write 8,may it please your ,excellency10 and would conclude with 8,i have the honour to be ,your ,excellency's most humble1 obedient servant40 ,sidenote3 ,an archbishop4 ,in writing to an archbishop a correspondent would begin 8,your ,grace10 ending1 8,i remain ,your ,grace's most obedient servant40 ,sidenote3 ,a bishop4 ,to a bishop the form would be1 8,my ,lord10 or 8,right ,reverend ,sir10 or 8,may it please ,your ,lordship10 the last being1 of course1 the humblest form of address4 ,the conclusion would be1 ,i remain1 8,my ,lord0 7or 8,right ,reverend ,sir07 8,your most obedient servant40 ,sidenote3 ,a dean4 ,the beginning of a letter to a dean would be1 8,reverend ,sir0 or 8,mr4 ,dean10 the title of all these dignitaries being1 in formal letters1 indited above the beginning4 ,those having slight acquaintance would begin1 8,dear ,mr4 ,dean40 ,strangers would end the letter1 8,i have the honour to be ,your most obedient servant40 ,sidenote3 ,doctors of ,divinity4 ,doctors of divinity are addressed as 8,reverend ,sir10 as well as archdeacons and all other clergy4 ,intimates would begin letters to the above with3 8,dear ,archbishop10 8,dear ,bishop10 8,dear ,dean10 or 8,dear ,doctor40 ,sidenote3 ,officers in the army4 ,with the sole exception of lieutenants in the army1 all officers have their military rank prefixed to their name4 ,ensigns and lieutenants are addressed as 8,esq40 ,sidenote3 ,and navy4 ,in the navy admirals of the flag--white1 blue1 or red--are addressed as 8,the ,honourable10 this being prefixed to the name4 ,otherwise a letter would begin 8,sir10 and end1 8,i remain1 ,sir1 ,your obedient servant40 ,commodores1 captains1 and lieutenants in the navy are all addressed in the same way4 ,,personal ,,speech ,,with ,,royalty ,,and ,,rank4 ,sidenote3 ,addressing the ,queen in person4 ,it is sometimes difficult to know how to address personally people of high rank4 ,the ,queen is addressed as 8,ma'am0 by those immediately surrounding her person and by princesses1 duchesses1 and others who are on terms that may be described as those of acquaintanceship with her ,majesty4 ,all others would speak to her as 8,your ,majesty40 ,sidenote3 ,the ,princess of ,wales4 ,the ,princess of ,wales and all other princesses are in the same way addressed as 8,ma'am10 or 8,your ,royal ,highness10 according to the position of the person speaking to them4 ,sidenote3 ,the ,prince of ,wales and royal dukes4 ,the ,prince of ,wales1 with all other royal dukes and princes1 is addressed as 8,sir10 or 8,your ,royal ,highness02 the ,duke of ,teck as 8,your ,serene ,highness10 as well as many foreign princes4 ,equals would address all these as 8,prince40 ,sidenote3 ,formal and informal modes of addressing nobility in person4 ,the following list will show the correct modes of addressing the nobility informally and formally1 in conversation1 the first being the custom among acquaintances1 the latter by all others3-- ,rank4 ,informal4 ,formal4 ,duke ,duke4 ,your ,grace4 ,duchess ,duchess4 ,your ,grace4 ,marquis ,lord ,a4 ,my ,lord1 or ,your ,lordship4 ,marchioness ,lady ,a4 ,my ,lady1 or ,your ,ladyship4 ,earl ,lord ,b4 ,my ,lord1 or ,your ,lordship4 ,countess ,lady ,b4 ,my ,lady1 or ,your ,ladyship4 ,viscount ,lord ,c4 ,my ,lord1 or ,your ,lordship4 ,viscountess ,lady ,c4 ,my ,lady1 or ,your ,ladyship4 ,baron ,lord ,d4 ,my ,lord1 or ,your ,lordship4 ,baroness ,lady ,d4 ,my ,lady1 or ,your ,ladyship4 ,it is one of the rules of etiquette that1 in speaking with royal persons1 the inferior leaves it to them to originate subjects of conversation1 and never introduces any topic of his own4 ,sidenote3 ,letters of condolence4 ,letters of condolence are among the most difficult forms of composition4 ,they are almost equally trying to read and to write4 ,the best rule to be given for these is to make them as brief as possible4 ,if 8brevity is the soul of wit10 it is also1 in such cases1 the very heart of sympathy4 ,a very usual fault committed is to begin by dilating upon the shock or grief felt by the writer4 ,the absurdity of this becomes apparent when one compares mentally the shock or grief as felt by the recipient4 ,two lines conveying the expression of sympathy are better than pages of even the most eloquent composition4 ,mourners require all their fortitude at times of loss1 and anything likely to impair their self-command is the reverse of a kindness4 ,sidenote3 ,memoriam cards4 ,on hearing or reading of the death of an acquaintance or friend1 an expression of sympathy should at once be sent off4 ,it used to be the custom to wait for the memoriam cards sent out by the family1 but this1 if it was ever the custom in the best society1 has now long ceased to be so4 ,memoriam cards are only used in humble circles4 ,at the same time1 one needs to be very careful as to the accuracy of one's information before sending off a letter of condolence4 ,similarity of name is apt to lead to awkward mistakes4 ,sidenote3 ,the inquiry call4 ,in this connection it may be as well to remark that about a week after the funeral it is customary to call and leave cards of inquiry4 ,when these are responded to by cards of thanks for inquiries1 it is a sign that the family is willing to receive callers4 ,,unwin ,,brothers1 ,,printers1 ,,working ,,and ,,london4 ,illustration ,rowland's ,odonto ,the best and safest ,dentifrice3 whitens the teeth1 prevents decay3 no grit nor ruinous acids4 #b_/i4 ,rowland's ,macassar ,oil ,absolutely the only reliable and genuine ,preserver1 ,restorer1 and ,strengthener of the ,hair3 also in a ,golden ,colour4 ,bottles1 #c_/f1 #g_/-1 and #aj_/f4 ,rowland's ,kalydor ,beautifies the ,complexion3 produces ,soft1 ,fair ,skin3 removes all ,disfigurements3 warranted ,harmless4 #b_/c and #d_/f1 of all ,perfumery ,dealers4 ,send ,postal ,order to ,a4 ,,rowland ,,sons1 #bj1 ,,hatton ,,garden1 ,,london4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,illustrated ,,book4 8,,what ,,galvanism ,,has ,,done ,,and ,,is ,,doing40 ,many interesting and instructive lectures on ,electricity are given by the most eminent scientific men of the present day4 ,all are agreed as to its curative properties and power to relieve pain1 and call attention to the many fraudulent appliances offered to the public1 but they do not state where one may obtain a genuine appliance constructed on the necessary principles of the continuous current4 ,our ,new ,book explains clearly and very simply how to test an electrical appliance1 either ,battery or ,belt1 to prove its efficacy4 ,it will instruct you-- ,,how ,,galvanism ,,cures ,,lumbago ,,and ,,pain ,,in ,,back4 ,,how ,,galvanism ,,cures ,,local ,,weakness ,,from ,,all ,,causes4 ,,how ,,galvanism ,,cures ,,an,,mia ,,and ,,bad ,,circulation4 ,,how ,,galvanism ,,cures ,,asthma1 ,,bronchitis1 ,,gout1 ,,and ,,rheumatism4 ,,how ,,galvanism ,,cures ,,children ,,in ,,delicate ,,health4 ,to be had post free on mentioning this ,book1 from-- ,j4 ,l4 ,,pulvermacher ,,co41 ,ltd4 #aid1 ,,regent ,,street1 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gentlemen interested in their personal appearance would do well by giving us a trial4 ,,the ,,very ,,latest ,,west ,,end ,,fashions ,,and ,,fit ,,guaranteed4 ,patterns with ,self-measurement ,form sent to any address on application4 ,,specialities3 ,dress ,suit1 ,lined ,silk1 ,three ,guineas4 ,overcoats from ,thirty ,shillings4 ,suits from ,two ,guineas4 ,illustration3 ,,cricket ,,cycling ,,tennis ,,shooting ,,boating ,,golfing ,,suits4 ,also ,boys' ,school ,outfits completed at shortest possible notice4 ,j4 ,h4 ,,ellis1 ,high ,class ,tailors1 #bc1 ,farringdon ,st41 ,london1 ,e4,c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,charming ,,book4 ,the ,christian ,world1 in an article on 8,the ,season's ,gift-,books10 says3--8,we put first of the books for girls1 #8,when ,hearts are ,young1' by ,deas ,cromarty4444 ,breezy and wholesome1 and full of natural romance4444 ,meg1 the chief heroine1 is a charming study40 ,when ,hearts are ,young4 ,by ,,deas ,,cromarty4 ,price #b_/f1 tastefully bound in cloth1 with eight illustrations by ,,will ,,morgan4 ,mrs4 ,katharine ,tynan-,hinkson in 8,the ,young ,woman03--8,deas ,cromarty has all the qualities for her work--sympathy1 observation1 humour1 and with all an exquisite sense of beauty4444 ,it is all deliciously sweet and wholesome40 ,the ,methodist ,times says3--8,deas ,cromarty 444 comes in a good second to these great writers 7,barrie and ,maclaren74 ,there is the freshness of the mountain breezes about the book which gives zest to the reading of it40 ,the ,sunday ,school ,chronicle says3--8,a beautiful story4444 ,with what sweetness and sympathy and charm of style the idyll is told1 let all our readers find out for themselves40 ,the ,manchester ,guardian says3--8444 ,deas ,cromarty has imparted to her book something of the freshness of the mountainside and the springiness of the heather4 ,it is delightful to read4 ,one has come across few recent books that leave a pleasanter impression on the reader's memory40 ,lloyd's ,news says3--8,this is one of the pleasantest volumes we have picked up for a long time4 ,the heroine of the story one falls in love with straightway4444 ,it is a tender1 beautiful love story1 very fresh and wholesome1 with a wealth of fine descriptive writing40 ,the ,manchester ,courier says3--8444,this excellent tale4444 ,those who pick up the book will find difficulty in laying it down before the last page is reached40 ,the ,methodist ,recorder says3--8,one of the most charming stories of the season4444 ,this is as truly an #8,idyll' as anything ,tennyson ever wrote40 ,,london3 ,,james ,,bowden1 ,,henrietta ,,st41 ,w4,c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,fiftieth ,,thousand4 ,,the ,,child1 ,,the ,,wise ,,man1 ,,and ,,the ,,devil4 ,price1 #as42 or cloth gilt1 #bs4 ,,some ,,opinions4 ,the ,saturday ,review says3--8,there is a touch of genius about this brilliant and original booklet40 ,the ,bookman says3--8,work which deserves to live4 ,no one can read these pages without emotion40 ,the ,queen says--8,a work of genius4 ,arrests every reader1 and can never be forgotten40 ,the ,right ,rev4 ,bishop of ,london says3--8,it puts with much imaginative force and beauty the central points in the relation of ,christianity to life40 ,the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,john ,clifford says3--8,magnificent as the offspring of fancy1 it is mightiest as the product of faith4 ,there is not a false note in it4 ,it rings with sincerity4 ,figures crowd its pages in pleasantest setting1 like flowers in a sunlit landscape1 but it is the blending of the forces of genius and faith which charms and binds men1 and makes the booklet immortal40 ,the ,very ,rev4 the ,dean of ,salisbury says3--8,i think it in all respects most certain to make a profound impression40 ,the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,r4 ,f4 ,horton1 ,m4,a41 says3--8,in ,mr4 ,kernahan we have a strong writer who will one day be great4 ,he has the grand manner4 ,he has the touch of ,jean ,paul ,richter in him1 which is not elsewhere found among his contemporaries4444 ,no laboured apology for ,christianity will go so far or accomplish so much as this impassioned utterance1 this poem in prose1 this thought of the years distilled in one pearl drop of purest water40 ,the ,daily ,mail says3--8,resembling in many respects his #8,god and the ,ant1' this new book of ,mr4 ,kernahan's is an even finer example of imaginative brilliancy1 poetic eloquence1 and fervent spiritual appeal4444 ,there can be no doubt that his little book must make a very deep and abiding impression upon the hearts and minds of all who read it40 ,miss ,frances ,e4 ,willard says3--8,this beautiful and helpful book will do enormous good in this age when faith is weak40 ,the ,sketch says3--8,mr4 ,coulson ,kernahan is a man of very large imaginative gifts4 ,he is a dreamer of dreams1 yet human love begets them4 ,there are few delivering an apocalypse to-day who have a tithe of his literary skill4 ,he affects nothing1 seeking rather to appeal to the heart of his reader1 and in his simplicity finds his strength4 ,how great that strength is a perusal of #8,the ,child1 the ,wise ,man1 and the ,devil' very clearly shows4444 ,as dramatic and as finely realised as anything in the fiction of to-day4444 ,a masterpiece of prose and imagination40 ,the ,rev4 ,f4 ,b4 ,meyer says3--8,it is powerfully conceived1 and thrills with passion2 but its chief value is its exposure of the hopelessness and impossibility of the goal to which modern infidelity would conduct us4 ,it will arrest and convince thousands40 ,the ,rev4 ,canon ,h4 ,d4 ,rawnsley says3--8,this noble parable40 ,the ,illustrated ,london ,news says3--8,all1 of whatever school1 must recognise the boundless charity1 the literary power1 and the intense sincerity of one of the most interesting books of the year40 ,the ,rev4 ,hugh ,price ,hughes says3--8,i recognised in it at once ,mr4 ,kernahan's striking genius4 ,i have no doubt that he will reach many who cannot be approached by any of the ordinary agencies or modes4 ,from every point of view ,i regard it as a very valuable and remarkable book40 ,the ,rev4 ,morlais ,jones3--8,the ,rev4 ,morlais ,jones preached an interesting sermon on ,sunday last10 says the ,british ,weekly4 8,mr4 ,morlais ,jones referred in terms of enthusiastic praise to ,mr4 ,coulson ,kernahan's new book1 #8,the ,child1 the ,wise ,man1 and the ,devil4' ,the author1 he said1 was a man of unmistakable genius40 ,the ,echo says3--8,let us acknowledge with gratitude the fine moral enthusiasm1 the lofty spiritual fervour1 and the chivalrous charity of this most poetic of prosemen4 ,the writer is manly1 vigorous1 and sincere4444 ,there will be few readers of this work1 however thoroughly they may dissent from the author's contentions1 who will not allow with enthusiasm the moral earnestness1 the poetic imagination1 and the literary charm of ,mr4 ,kernahan's stern muse40 ,,london3 ,,james ,,bowden1 ,,henrietta ,,street1 ,w4,c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,books4 ,,in ,,preparation for ,publication by ,mr4 ,,james ,,bowden4 ,new ,novel by ,joseph ,hocking1 ,the ,birthright4 ,by ,,joseph ,,hocking1 ,author of 8,all ,men are ,liars10 8,the ,story of ,andrew ,fairfax10 etc4 ,with ,two full-page ,illustrations4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth gilt1 #cs4 #f;d4 ,new ,book by ,shan ,f4 ,bullock4 ,the ,charmer4 ,by ,,shan ,f4 ,,bullock1 ,author of 8,by ,thrasna ,river10 8,ring o' ,rushes10 etc4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth gilt4 ,a ,striking ,book by ,robert ,h4 ,sherard4 ,the ,white ,slaves of ,england ,by ,,robert ,h4 ,,sherard4 ,with upwards of #dj ,illustrations drawn from life by ,,harold ,,piffard4 ,crown #hvo1 cloth1 #bs4 #f;d4 ,,london3 ,,james ,,bowden1 ,,henrietta ,,st41 ,w4,c4 ,typographical errors corrected by the etext transcriber3 to look on vacancy or seem to do so4 to look on vacantly or seem to do so4 pg #ace