,a ,,schoolmaster',s ,,diary ,the man who looks at this view1 for the first time1 with the naked eye1 sees far more of it than the man who looks at it for the hundredth time through smoked glasses4 ,experience is the smoke on the glasses2 it's the curse of our profession4 ,we are all much more efficient when we're young than we ever are afterwards4 ,give me the young and inexperienced man4--,the ,lanchester ,tradition4 ,a ,,schoolmaster',s ,,diary ,,being ,,extracts ,,from ,,the ,,journal ,,of ,,patrick ,,traherne1 ,m4,a41 ,,sometime ,,assistant ,,master ,,at ,,radchester ,,and ,,marlton ,,selected ,,and ,,edited ,,by ,s4 ,p4 ,b4 ,,mais ,,london ,,grant ,,richards ,,ltd ,,st4 ,,martin',s ,,street ,,mcmxviii ,,printed ,,in ,,great ,,britain ,,at ,,the ,,complete ,,press ,,west ,,norwood ,,london ,,to ,,elspeth ,,traherne ,,without ,,whose ,,valuable ,,help ,i ,,should ,,have ,,been ,,totally ,,at ,a ,,loss ,,what ,,to ,,include ,,and ,,what ,,to ,,omit ,,in ,,memory ,,of ,,patrick ,,contents ,,page ,,introductory ,,memoir #i ,,the ,,diary3 ,i4 ,,september #bj ,,to ,,december #ca1 #aiji #ba ,,ii4 ,,january #bj ,,to ,,april #c1 #aiaj #cg ,,iii4 ,,march #d ,,to ,,july #ca1 #aiaj #ed ,,iv4 ,,august #aj ,,to ,,september #ae1 #aiaj #gb ,v4 ,,october #a1 #aiaj1 ,,to ,,january #ae1 #aiaa #ib ,,vi4 ,,march #c ,,to ,,may #d1 #aiaa #ajg ,,vii4 ,,june #d ,,to ,,august #a1 #aiaa #abd ,,viii4 ,,august #aj ,,to ,,september #bf1 #aiaa #ade ,,ix4 ,,october #ac1 #aiaa1 ,,to ,,january #ai1 #aiab #aea ,x4 ,,february #bc ,,to ,,july #bi1 #aiab #afc ,,xi4 ,,august #ab ,,to ,,december #bj1 #aiab #ahj ,,xii4 ,,december #ca1 #aiab1 ,,to ,,june #aa1 #aiac #aif ,,xiii4 ,,july #i ,,to ,,september #ai1 #aiac #baa ,,xiv4 ,,october #d ,,to ,,december #af1 #aiac #bah ,,xv4 ,,january #ac ,,to ,,july #bd1 #aiad #bcb ,,xvi4 ,,september #ag1 #aiad1 ,,to ,,may #d1 #aiae #bdd ,,xvii4 ,,july #ca1 #aiae1 ,,to ,,april #c1 #aiaf #bef ,,xviii4 ,,may #d1 #aiaf1 ,,to ,,april #c1 #aiag #bgj ,,appendix #bhi ,,prologue--,,modern ,,shell3 ,,to-,,day #bia ,,epilogue--,,modern ,,shell3 ,,to-,,morrow #cjg ,,introductory ,,memoir ,patrick ,traherne1 only son of the ,rev4 ,thomas ,traherne of ,north ,darley ,vicarage1 ,derbyshire1 was born on ,july #ad1 #ahhe4 ,he was educated at ,rugby and ,new ,college1 ,oxford1 and immediately upon leaving the ,university he became a ,public ,school master4 ,i well remember my first meeting with him4 ,it was during my first term at ,oxford4 ,i had been reading ,centuries of ,meditations and in particular this passage1 which ,i cannot refrain from quoting1 because to it ,i owe my friendship with ,patrick3 ,your enjoyment of the world is never right till every morning you wake in ,heaven2 see yourself in your ,father's ,palace3 and look upon the skies1 the earth1 and the air1 as ,celestial ,joys2 you never enjoy the world aright till the sea itself floweth in your veins1 till you are clothed with the heavens and crowned with the stars3 and perceive yourself to be the sole heir of the whole world1 and more than so1 because men are in it who are every one sole heirs as well as you4 ,till you can sing and rejoice and delight in ,god as misers do in gold1 and kings in sceptres1 you never enjoy the world4 ,till your spirit filleth the whole world and the stars are your jewels3 till you are as familiar with the ways of ,god in all ages as with your walk and table3 till you love men so as to desire their happiness with a thirst equal to the zeal of your own1 you never enjoy the world4 ,you never enjoy the world aright1 till you so love the beauty of enjoying it that you are covetous and earnest to persuade others to enjoy it4 ,there is so much blindness and ingratitude and damned folly in it4 ,the world is a mirror of infinite ,beauty1 yet no man sees it4 ,it is a ,temple of ,majesty1 yet no man regards it4 ,it is the paradise of ,god1 the place of ,angels and the ,gate of ,heaven4 ,i remember rushing1 book in hand1 late at night to ,stapleton's rooms 7,stapleton was a school-friend of mine1 who had come up with me that term7 and reading it to him as one of the finest things ,i had ever chanced upon4 ,after ,i had finished ,i noticed that he was not alone2 sitting in a far corner1 in the depths of a ',varsity chair1 ,i now saw a fair-haired1 fresh-faced undergraduate whom ,i had not up till that moment met4 ,he broke in upon my enthusiastic discovery4 ,i am glad you like that1 he began4 ,it is not very well known yet4 ,the author of that book1 ,thomas ,traherne1 was an ancestor of mine3 my name is ,traherne too4 ,somehow from that evening ,i have always associated ,patrick with that glowing passage4 ,we became fast friends and for the four years we were at ,oxford1 ,stapleton1 ,traherne and ,i spent all our spare time together4 ,we were known1 for some obscure reason1 as ,the ,three ,musketeers4 ,we were none of us brilliant scholars1 but we were deeply interested in the problems of life3 we read a good deal in a desultory sort of way1 but our main occupation was athletics4 ,we all played football1 tennis1 hockey1 and cricket1 and managed to put in some time with the ,beagles and on the track4 ,on ,sundays we used to roam far and wide over the country round ,oxford3 we were all lovers of ,nature and 7,i venture to think7 in every way quite ordinary undergraduates4 ,stapleton was taking orders1 while ,traherne and ,i meant to be schoolmasters4 ,we were jovial and irresponsible in those days and certainly did not take ourselves seriously4 ,we were not in the habit of getting drunk1 but we were certainly not less rowdy than the majority of the men of our time3 we enjoyed life to the full4 ,in the vacs we would stay with one another in ,london in order to go the round of the theatres1 or we would set out on walking tours through ,wales or ,devonshire4 ,i met ,traherne's people a good deal4 ,they were quite delightful1 simple-minded folk1 who took life as it came and always managed to see the comic side of everything4 ,i know no house where peals upon peals of laughter were so frequent as in that vicarage of ,north ,darley4 ,our four years at ,oxford passed all too quickly4 ,the other two managed to get a second class in their finals1 ,i just scraped a third4 ,we then separated1 swearing however that nothing should really separate us4 ,we wrote frequently and at great length to one another and tried to meet whenever possible4 ,gradually1 however1 we made new friends and were seized with different interests and somehow we became less regular in our correspondence and our meetings4 ,it was not that we had ceased to care for each other1 still less that out of sight was out of mind--,i have never loved any man as ,i loved ,traherne1 but nevertheless we got out of touch4 ,i settled down quite happily to my job at ,winchborough and became the stereotyped sort of plodding schoolmaster1 while ,stapleton passed from one curacy to another and finally had the good fortune to secure a living near ,london4 ,so time went on4 ,then ,i began to notice ,traherne's name in the papers4 ,he had entered on his career as a writer4 ,he was always indefatigable1 though how he found time both to teach and to write ,i don't know4 ,first of all he edited school books1 then he wrote articles for the educational papers2 soon ,i saw his name attached to critical papers in the magazines and reviews3 he wrote middle-page articles for the daily press and short stories4 ,later ,i saw the announcement of a book by him1 closely followed by another and then a third4 ,naturally all this interested me a good deal4 ,if he would not write to me ,i still could follow his career through his books4 ,i must say1 however1 that ,i was slightly startled at the attitude he adopted in his writings4 ,when ,i knew him he was the cheeriest and most modest of men4 ,from his writings the casual reader would imagine him to be a red-hot fire-brand1 launching out against all the accepted codes by which we live4 ,his method was that of cock-shying at a lot of ,aunt ,sallies4 ,he denounced everything1 religion as at present practised1 education1 root and branch1 the current codes of morality1 the laws1 politics--everything4 ,there was a frightful acerbity in his language4 ,one could detect the same boyish ardour which was the finest thing about him if one looked carefully and read between the lines1 but his judgments were amazingly ill-considered4 ,he seemed to lose all control of himself when he took up his pen4 ,i wrote to remonstrate but he rarely replied1 and when he did he would alternately change from a tone of humble apology to one of insolent contempt4 ,it was easy to see that he was suffering from some appalling malady1 a restlessness which threatened to destroy all the good that he was so anxious to do4 ,at last the inevitable climax came3 in a piteous letter he wrote to tell me that after eight years he had been ignominiously turned out1 and that his career as a schoolmaster was at an end4 ,from the language he used ,i feared lest he might be contemplating suicide1 but his wife 7who is one of the most charming women ,i have ever met and to whom he owes more than even he will ever realize7 kept him from that4 ,on the other hand1 there seemed to be considerable danger of his losing his reason4 ,i went down to see him3 ,i never saw a man so altered3 he was completely broken4 ,i sat up with him all through one night while he told me the whole story4 ,it appears that he created enemies through his tactlessness wherever he went4 ,boys on the whole ,i should say1 from what he said1 understood him more or less1 his peers not at all4 ,he was always discontented with the average1 always demanding an instant millennium4 ,the war crushed him1 the wretched estate of the poorer classes crushed him1 the lack of intelligence among the country people with whom he lived crushed him1 his colleagues' complacence that all was for the best in the best of all possible worlds crushed him4 ,poor devil1 he must have suffered frightfully4 ,he seemed abnormally sensitive4 ,the least thing set him off3 he always suspected that he had no sympathizers3 he consistently managed to alienate those who really were trying their best to help him4 ,all through that night on which he poured out his soul to me ,i saw exactly how impossible it was for him to work in conjunction with any ordinary body of schoolmasters4 ,what they denounced as disloyalty was with him honesty2 he was so ferociously energetic that he could never rest3 he must have his windmill to tilt against4 ,there was no doubt that he was finding his break with ,public ,school life very real tragedy4 ,he was incapable of looking forward to anything else4 ,i did my best to console him1 to show him that life was only just beginning for him3 but he swept away all the crumbs of consolation ,i produced and only just before ,i was leaving did he suggest any way in which ,i could help him4 ,i have besmirched my reputation1 he said mournfully4 ,i can't clear myself4 ,will you try8 ,of course ,i will1 but how8 ,i replied4 ,take these1 he said1 suddenly producing five stout volumes4 ,here is my diary for the last eight years4 ,go through it and select such passages as you think fit and show the world exactly what manner of man ,i was3 ',speak of me as ,i am3 nothing extenuate1 nor set down aught in malice2 then must you speak of one that loved not wisely but too well1' just the bare truth4 ,justice is what ,i want1 not charity4 ,it was the least ,i could do 444 and now for some months ,i have been engaged upon this strange task4 ,even now ,i am afraid ,i have failed4 ,these diaries were so incoherent1 so much prominence was given to irrelevant matter1 so little to the thousand things ,i wanted to know1 but ,i have kept my promise1 and this book is the result4 ,i wish he could have lived to see it in the hands of the public who so misjudged him4 ,it is easy to see the tenets which ,traherne held most dear3 he looked upon education as the saving grace of a nation or an individual4 ,the object of education with him was to develop imagination and sympathy1 so that all men in the future should realize the value of ,truth and ,beauty1 and be tolerant of other men's opinions4 ,to this end he endeavoured to make his boys realize the importance of making the most of their brains3 he rated the intellect highest of all4 ,he laid it down as a fundamental principle that each boy should be encouraged to be strongly individual and ,i don't think he quite realized the dangers which individualism brings in its wake4 ,he hated tradition unless it could be proved that it served some useful purpose3 he was averse from all forms of ceremonial4 ,consequently he set his face against the cult of ,bloodism4 ,he does not seem in his diary at any rate to have dwelt on the humorous side of his colleagues3 there is very little description of the vagaries of different masters1 which ,i have found so extraordinarily amusing among my own acquaintances in usherdom4 ,he laid immense stress on the teaching of ,english and encouraged his boys to read omnivorously2 by this means alone1 he said1 could they be expected to learn4 ,where he failed most of all was in his inability to suffer fools gladly3 he hated sloppy work either in colleague or boy2 if he had only kept his hatred to himself1 it might have been all right1 but he was too honest1 too impetuous4 ,he would blurt out his natural feelings everywhere and expect everybody to see his point of view at once4 ,considering all things his colleagues were in some ways extremely long-suffering1 for he was so sensitive that out of sheer nervousness and ineffectual anger he would show his worst side and hide his better nature4 ,he must have seemed to those who only knew him superficially to be one mass of contradictions4 ,take1 for instance1 his reading4 ,he seems to have read everything of any note that appeared during these eight years1 but his judgments on current writers are ludicrous3 he hails any new-comer as a great genius1 and yet at the same time he had a nice and exact taste in ,english literature and in talking could tell you just the strong and weak points of all big writers4 ,in his written criticism he seems to have no standards at all4 ,as he himself says1 he was like a motor-car without brakes4 ,his motor-power was very high1 but he had no control over it3 consequently he was always running away with himself and finishing up with incredible smashes whenever he started out on a literary or educational excursion4 ,i have been going through his letters to me of late1 but ,i have not found any clue in them to the mania which has led to his downfall4 ,in the diary1 on the other hand1 he lets himself go2 the constant friction1 the unrealized ideals find expression3 on the surface1 in his letters to his friends1 he was charmingly lighthearted and humorous4 ,one would never suspect the sva indignatio which was ultimately to be his undoing1 in anything but his published works4 ,i never met a man who was so different in his person from what you would expect after reading his books4 ,to meet him at a dinner-party in ,london1 to accompany him on a walking-tour1 to play games with him1 you would never guess that he had a care in the world4 ,he seemed to enjoy life much in the same way as his great ancestor1 the mystic1 did4 ,he was very devout1 it is true1 but his ,christianity was of the optimistic ,chestertonian sort1 a kind of prizefighter's epicureanism1 ,eat1 drink1 and be merry1 but for the ,lord's sake be careful not to get flabby4 ,but suddenly1 not so much in the holidays as in term time1 some luckless creature would quite innocently introduce the topics of ,socialism1 ,liberty1 ,religion1 ,morals1 or ,education1 and at once ,patrick would flush scarlet1 stamp up and down his rooms and call down fire from ,heaven on every existing institution4 ,i never came across such an iconoclast4 ,we who knew him understood that his frenzy was simply the burning ardour of the reformer who refuses to compromise3 he was convinced that certain ideals were right and could not understand why the rest of mankind did not immediately forsake their old gods when he propagated his gospel of the new ones4 ,because he attempted to treat the boys with whom he came into contact as his intellectual equals1 and never snubbed them1 never punished or rewarded them1 he expected every other master to employ the same methods4 ,show 'em1 he would say1 that they've jolly well got to work if they want to get anything out of life2 tell 'em that if they work to please a master1 to avoid the cane1 to secure a trumpery prize1 or for any other reason than that work is a good thing in itself1 they are committing an immoral and indecent act1 and then there's just a chance that the intellect may grow4 ,not one boy in five hundred even uses ten per cent4 of his brain-cells3 the average man or boy has no idea of what real work means4 ,he kept a most valuable notebook in which he jotted down any views that commended themselves to him out of all the books on education that appeared4 ,i loved ,patrick more than any friend ,i have ever had4 ,i am a poor counsel for the defence for that very reason4 ,i am more likely to do harm to his cause than good by lauding him in this way3 my duty is to let his diary tell its own tale4 ,it is a document over which ,i would fain dwell at great length and explain to you1 but that would only serve to show that ,i feared your verdict4 ,i send it out to the world with much trepidation lest ,i should even now have so hacked and curtailed it that it fails to show ,traherne in his true character1 but ,i have this at least to comfort me4 ,there will be but few of those who already belong to the noblest profession in the world or who are shortly to join it who will not derive help from the light it sheds on a most difficult task4 ,the schoolmaster of the new age needs all the assistance he can get4 ,patrick ,traherne destroyed himself in discovering what he here gives to the world1 but the results of his discoveries may be more far-reaching than he knew4 ,he was one of those who are never happy unless they are fighting2 the end once attained he would be lost4 ,it may well be that the ,stevensonian maxim which was always so much in his mind carried him through even at his last moments 7he was killed in the battle of ,cambrai1 ,december #c1 #aiag71 ,after all to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive4 ,his failure may be a better augury than success would have been1 for in the end of all1 have not the world's failures been most frequently the world's redeemers8 ,i would add further that ,i cannot bring myself to accede to all his dicta4 ,had he been permitted to live1 experience would have surely shown him that his youthful judgments are not infrequently grossly unfair2 but ,i maintain that his theories are not necessarily less interesting because they are1 in many cases1 erroneous4 ,s4 ,p4 ,b4 ,m4 ,the names both of people and places mentioned in this book are entirely fictitious4 ,patrick ,traherne did not portray any specific ,public ,school or living person in his diary4 ,,the ,,beginning 7#aiji74 ,p4 ,t4 quoting ,william ,blake3 ,i will not cease from mental fight ,nor shall my sword sleep in my hand ,till we have built ,jerusalem ,in ,england's green and pleasant land4 ,,the ,,end 7#aiag74 ,p4 ,t4 quoting ,t4 ,w4 ,h4 ,crosland3 ,if ,i should ever be in ,england's thought ,after ,i die1 ,say1 ,there were many things he might have bought ,and did not buy4 ,unhonoured by his fellows he grew old ,and trod the path to hell1 ,but there were many things he might have sold ,and did not sell4 ,i ,september #bj1 #aiji ,it is very strange and frightening3 all the boys seem to me to be grown men and ,i1 a veritable minnow in a sea of ,tritons1 but ,i suppose really they are quite bovine and regard me much as cows regard human beings--as their natural master4 ,i wonder6 ,i confess ,i am in a panic about my ability to keep order4 ,on several nights in the vac ,i had nightmares of classes of unruly boys refusing to obey me1 shouting1 throwing things about and generally making nuisances of themselves and a fool of me4 ,my first impressions of ,radchester are not very comforting4 ,it is like coming to a desert island to be pitchforked out at a wayside station miles from anywhere1 with only the sea to the east1 and flat dike-lands to the west1 north1 and south4 ,there are no houses within sight4 ,certainly there is nothing to distract one's attention from one's duty3 outside the lodge gates all is barren4 ,the first thing for me to do is to furnish my rooms4 ,alas1 where am ,i to procure the means to do this8 ,at present in my sitting-room there is nothing but a frayed carpet1 a few rickety chairs1 a table1 unstable on its legs1 and an enormous bookcase and cupboard combined4 ,my bedroom is ugly1 bare and damp1 with no fireplace4 ,apparently they encourage us to be ,spartan in our mode of living here4 ,how different from the ,oxford of three months ago4 ,i had a long talk with the ,head ,master to-night4 ,he is an imposing-looking man1 a sound disciplinarian ,i should imagine1 one who gives no quarter4 ,it is hard to associate him with the priesthood4 ,he has less of the clergyman in him than any parson ,i have ever met4 ,he gave me many tips about my work and laid stress in every other sentence about the necessity of exercising firmness from the start4 ,he obviously looks upon me as willing1 but lacking in experience and scholarship4 ,i appear to have been selected rather on athletic than intellectual grounds4 ,my ,blue has gained for me this important post and ,i am evidently expected to play games daily4 ,well1 ,i shan't mind that2 ,i cannot conceive how men exist without daily exercise4 ,thank ,heaven1 ,i'm not in an office4 ,after all1 #aej a year and my keep is quite an adequate salary for a man of twenty-four without encumbrances4 ,there is something monastic about the life here3 only one other master except the ,chief is married3 women are obviously not encouraged4 ,the staff live for the most part in ,common ,room3 we breakfast and dine there1 have lunch in the ,school ,dining ,hall with the boys1 and have tea in our own rooms4 ,i got my first impressions of my colleagues at dinner to-night4 ,most of them were very hilarious and good-humoured1 full of talk about the ,alps1 ,scotland1 ,cornwall1 cricket tours1 golf1 climbs1 bathing1 fishing and every sort of outdoor pursuit in which they had indulged during the last eight weeks4 ,they were all obviously glad to see each other and be back at work4 ,somehow they didn't strike me as being typical ushers at all4 ,quite a dozen of them appear to be men about my own age1 healthy1 jovial and without a care4 ,one or two of the older men look haggard and wan1 but then again others look like prosperous gentlemen-farmers or country squires1 hale1 hearty1 well fed and contented4 ,after dinner ,hallows1 who is games master 7an old captain of the ,oxford ,rugger team71 asked me to his rooms3 some half-dozen of us sat there drinking whisky and smoking until chapel-time4 ,they were all genial and friendly and we talked mainly about historic incidents in bygone ,inter-,university matches4 ,in chapel ,i saw the whole school for the first time4 ,i was exceedingly nervous and imagined myself to be the cynosure of all eyes4 ,i thought that they were all taking stock of me and sizing me up4 ,i must remember to be strict from the very beginning4 ,the start is everything4 ,september #bg1 #aiji ,i am gradually getting used to the routine4 ,certainly the breaking of the ice was very trying4 ,luckily ,i had prepared my lessons carefully before ,i went into form1 so ,i had plenty to say1 which prevented my extreme nervousness from being too apparent1 and ,i punished two boys heavily for talking while ,i was trying to teach4 ,on the whole most of them appear to be tractable4 ,what does amaze me is their abysmal ignorance4 ,for the first few days ,i was talking over their heads the whole time4 ,in mathematics ,i went too fast4 ,in ,english ,i took it for granted that they knew something about the subject3 ,i am gradually finding out that they know nothing4 ,what is worse1 only a very few of them want to know anything4 ,they exhaust all their energies and keenness on games3 they have none left for work4 ,it is looked upon as a gross breach of good form to take anything but the most perfunctory interest in class4 ,i find that ,i am falling into the most insidious of traps4 ,i am picking out favourites4 ,there are two boys1 ,benbow and ,illingworth1 both in my ,english set1 who have shown up essays quite outside the common3 they care about things3 they read3 they express a novel point of view3 they are rebels against tradition4 ,i have given them the run of my rooms and implored them to borrow what books they like from my shelves and to come to tea whenever they like4 ,i am beginning to find that ,i prefer the company of boys to that of my colleagues4 ,most of the staff seem to have reached the limit of their learning when they took their ,finals4 ,my ,finals only served to show me what an ignorant ass ,i am4 ,perhaps it's a good thing to take a low class in schools4 ,at any rate it leaves you under no false impression as to your own level of intelligence and attainments4 ,a week of this life has taught me quite a number of useful things3 7#a7 ,that it is quite easy to keep order4 ,a number of men here get persistently ragged1 but that seems to me to be due to their lack of humour1 their uncertain temper1 and their misunderstanding of the boy mind4 7#b7 ,i hate having to correct work at night4 ,it is merely a mechanical drudgery and does the boy no good1 for he does not strive to understand a mistake unless you correct it while he is with you1 and one would be far better employed reading4 ,correction of exercises must have been instituted to prevent masters from getting into mischief in their idle hours4 7#c7 ,i dislike compulsory chapel4 ,i like services when ,i do not feel bound to go3 they become merely a meaningless jingle of words when one is forced to attend when one is not in the mood4 7#d7 ,i love playing footer with the ,house every day4 ,i have got to know already quite intimately a number of boys whom ,i should have regarded as wasters in form4 ,this seems to me to prove that a master should share so far as he can in every activity in order to try to get at the point of view of the boys from every angle4 ,i have therefore joined the ,corps1 the ,debating ,society and the ,choir4 7#e7 ,i object intensely to the mark system4 ,it inculcates selfishness1 destroys any chance of getting any co-operative spirit in a form1 and is thoroughly immoral4 ,it tends to make boys work from a mercenary motive3 they think of nothing but rewards and punishments3 they even cheat when they get the chance in order to rise to a high place in the week's order4 ,these orders bother me4 ,every ,saturday night we have to collect all sorts of marks from other masters1 scale and readjust them and produce an order1 which takes up about two hours of valuable time4 ,i don't mind giving up time to any useful end1 but ,i do resent doing so for a senseless one4 ,november #aiji ,the monastic system is getting on my nerves4 ,i find myself longing to hear a baby crying1 a girl laughing1 or any noises of the street4 ,we are too much aloof from the outside world4 ,i thought reading would be a sufficient antidote4 ,most of my colleagues don't read at all4 ,they haven't time4 ,lately ,i have taken to going off to ,scarborough on ,saturday evenings1 treating myself to a good dinner at the ,regent 7we are allowed no drinks in ,common ,room except water3 ,hallows alone drinks seltzer71 and then going on to a show at the theatre or promenading the ,winter ,gardens and watching the shop-girls and men dance4 ,these people have an irresistible fascination for me4 ,it is a wonderful relaxation to chatter amiably to these girls and men1 and hear their point of view of life1 so many poles apart from that of the ,radchester ,common ,room4 ,from one of these in particular1 a very pretty girl of about eighteen1 with masses of corn-coloured hair and violet eyes1 a complexion like a ,devon dairymaid and a figure light as a fairy1 ,i have learnt a good deal of another side of life4 ,her name is ,vera ,buckley3 she works in a large milliner's shop4 ,we meet and dance together now every ,saturday night4 ,at first when she learnt that ,i was a schoolmaster at ,radchester she was suspicious and cold1 but now we are firm friends and she talks unflaggingly about her hopes and fears1 her likes and dislikes4 ,she is a welcome change from the ,tapers and ,tadpoles of ,common ,room1 who argue interminably upon the day's play and the moral defalcations of boys in their respective houses and forms4 ,i dined with the ,head ,master last night and found myself quoting from a new book on education4 ,just before ,i left1 he took me aside and said1 ,the less you read about education the better4 ,all this new-fangled talk about new ideas cuts at the very roots of the great tradition on which the ,public ,schools were built up4 ,i never engage a man who has taken a diploma in the theory of education3 he can never keep order1 he can't teach1 he makes the boys rebel against their lot and is altogether very dangerous4 ,i like your keenness and ,i think you have made a good beginning1 but ,i warn you now against thinking that there is any reform needed1 and suggest that you read no more upon a subject which you are called upon to practise1 not to theorise about4 ,i attempted a defence but he refused to listen4 ,patting me gently on the back he said1 quite kindly1 ,when you are my age you'll see the truth of what ,i've been telling you3 youth is always in a great hurry to bring about the millennium4 ,it never realizes that no millennium can be brought about by merely destructive criticism4 ,remember that all these writers are outside the profession and are writing in total ignorance of the conditions under which we labour4 ,he succeeded in making me feel very arrogant1 very youthful1 and very much of a fool4 ,after all he has some right on his side4 ,boys do understand the system of marks and of punishment and ,i suppose the way of least resistance is the best4 ,anyway it is far easier to make a boy work through fear than it is through love of the work3 to rouse enthusiasm in the work itself is an exceedingly arduous business4 ,the difficulty is that ,i hate the idea of caning a boy almost as much as some of the staff relish it4 ,they satisfy a sort of bestial lust by lashing a small boy and hearing him yell4 ,they would be horrified at the suggestion1 but ,i am certain that this is true4 ,one has only to watch a man's eyes when he gives an account of some of his more successful efforts in this direction4 ,on the other hand1 ,i firmly believe that there is a type of boy who can understand no other form of treatment4 ,i only wish such types would not come under my jurisdiction4 ,i find that ,i am becoming unpopular with ,hallows4 ,one very wet afternoon ,i organized a paper-chase which was an overwhelming success3 about two hundred boys turned out and we caught the hares about four o'clock1 after a very tricky run over a well-laid course4 ,unfortunately every one was late for roll4 ,by getting up this entertainment on a half when there was nothing else to do ,i found myself launched into about six rows4 ,apparently every boy has to pass the doctor before he is allowed to run on a paper-chase2 whips had not been arranged for to see that the laggers did not drop out en route and find solace in a cottage or public-house2 ,i had no list of starters to compare with those who finished to see whether any runners had died by the wayside1 and1 most flagrant of all1 ,i had upset roll4 ,i am afraid ,i shall never hear the last of this4 ,hallows refuses to speak to me1 but most loudly and pointedly speaks of me in no uncertain tone of voice whenever ,i enter ,common ,room3 the direct upshot is that paper-chases are to be made compulsory on days when there are no games1 and a printed list of rules to this end has been put up on the school board4 ,i suspect that ,hallows framed them1 for they are calculated to remove any innocent pleasure that any boy might have derived from cross-country running and implant in his heart an undying detestation of this particular branch of exercise4 ,i am afraid the truth is that ,hallows is jealous3 ,i had overstepped my province in getting up this run4 ,he is the manager of all the school athletics and ,i had committed an unforgivable offence in not asking his leave4 ,i am beginning to see signs of mutual jealousy everywhere4 ,each tutor criticizes every other master's method of teaching1 comparing it 7adversely1 of course7 with his own4 ,house-masters resent any humane intercourse between members of their houses and junior assistant masters1 though by the laws of common sense it would seem obvious that the senior boys would prefer the society of men only a little older than themselves as likely to be more in sympathy with their ideas1 more helpful in their troubles than the elder members of the staff whom they1 quite rightly1 place on an unapproachable pedestal4 ,december #aiji ,now that examinations are upon us ,i have been attempting to revise my mathematical and ,english work1 with appalling results4 ,my math4 sets appear to have learnt nothing3 just a glimpse here and there of an idea1 all mixed up with the most amazing nonsense4 ,i must have gone too fast4 ,some of them have certainly tried to work4 ,perhaps it is that mathematics is not the ,queen of ,sciences1 after all1 at any rate for the unformed mind4 ,i know that in my own school days ,i was successful at it owing to a natural aptitude without understanding in the least its practical usefulness4 ,there are boys who go again and again over the same ground1 term after term1 working out quadratic equations1 formidable and unwieldy algebraic fractions1 solving problems about triangles1 parallelograms and circles quite mechanically and perfectly without the ghost of an idea as to what they all mean or what bearing they have on practical life4 ,they are1 if questioned1 content to talk about mental discipline and the more odious a task is the better it is for one's education in a manner unbearably priggish and foolish4 ,if a boy can work out a hundred examples correct to type1 most of us seem to think that we are teaching him something4 ,on the contrary1 ,i believe that the only point in mathematical teaching is the training of the mind to think logically and exactly1 and to detect all vague and shallow fallacies in argument or writing4 ,according to this theory the better a boy was at mathematics the better he would be at ,english1 whereas the truth is that the able mathematician is rarely able to express himself in writing at all1 and certainly is not remarkable for simplicity or direct reasoning power in his essays4 ,it never strikes us that if a boy is capable of working out an intricate equation he ought to be able to build up a paragraph of carefully connected sentences1 all sequent and working to some definite solution or proof4 ,i am coming to the conclusion that all true education is a striving after ,beauty1 and what does not actively pursue this end is a waste of effort4 ,no sooner do ,i reach this idea than ,i begin to wonder what can have induced our forefathers to erect such a hideous structure as ,radchester1 in the middle of so barren1 ugly1 and terrifying a country4 ,surely there can be no more depressing district in ,england than the country round the school4 ,on ,sundays ,i occasionally go for walks1 but ,i never return without being obsessed by the gloom and drabness of it all4 ,if ,i walk down the seashore ,i see nothing but a bare waste of grey waters1 relieved by an interminable stretch of sand4 ,there are no gorgeous colourings on sea or land1 such as we expect from the sea and get in ,devon and ,cornwall4 ,if ,i go inland ,i have no alternative but to tramp over muddy fields the grass of which is as colourless as the sea1 and the only variety to the monotony of the level stretch is a wind-swept naked tree1 wan and haggard as an old tramp who has been buffeted by ,nature too long to care about his personal appearance3 if ,i take to the roads ,i am immediately led to contrast the solitary deadness of these straight lanes1 where you know for miles exactly what is coming1 with the rich lanes of the south1 with their high hedges1 a riot of colour and song1 deviating romantically every few yards1 up and down1 round and round1 ever calling you on to explore some gem which an all-provident ,nature has built for you just round the corner4 ,there are no mysteries to be explored in the vicinity of ,radchester unless you dive down a drain4 ,it is not strange that the cult of ,beauty is neglected in such a place1 for where is ,beauty to be found8 ,the answer ,i find within my rooms3 only in my books and my few chosen friends among the boys can ,i rid myself of the discontent which is so persistently seething within me4 ,perhaps ,i should make an exception in the matter of games2 ,i love strenuous exercise but ,i object to making football my ,god1 as so many of my friends do4 ,the boys1 at any rate in the presence of masters1 talk of little else4 ,their only other topic of conversation is the characters of their other masters1 which is insidious and delightful1 but savouring too much of disloyalty and scandal-mongering4 ,one of the things ,i have enjoyed most this term has been the ,o4,t4,c4 ,all members of ,common ,room1 by an excellent rule here1 have first to serve in the ranks4 ,i have got to know the boys in this ,house infinitely better by mixing with them on parades and field days as a private than ,i ever should have by any other means3 they seem to forget all sense of difference and talk glibly and unconsciously about all sorts of topics that normally would not crop up between master and pupil4 ,they no longer restrain their language quite in the same way they do before a master4 ,i imagine that pretty vigorous swearing is prevalent in all schools3 it seems to add a picturesqueness to their vocabulary which would be entirely lacking otherwise1 for a boy's paucity of orthodox adjectives is astonishing4 ,he is exactly on a par with the farm labourer in this respect4 ,he swears simply because he has no other language to fall back upon4 ,it is not his fault so much as the master's4 ,so far as ,i can gather no subject seems to be so badly mishandled as the mother tongue4 ,the average boy is expected to write ,latin prose and is caned for a false quantity in verses4 ,he tries his hand at original verse composition in both ,latin and ,greek3 no one thinks of asking him to write poetry in ,english1 and when he does he is looked upon as a freak4 ,it seems a most topsy-turvy system3 he spends at least one hour every day at ,latin3 to ,english 7of which he knows nothing7 he devotes two hours a week and during those two hours his masters don't know what to teach him4 ,some spend the time in parsing and analysing1 though what utilitarian benefits are to accrue hereafter from these it would be hard to see4 ,others read a play of ,shakespeare1 which is a euphemism for note-taking and note-learning1 a philological discourse or an exercise in repetition2 others again read out notes on the ,mendelian theory1 which they call a skeleton1 and require the form to clothe this skeleton and reproduce it in the form of an essay4 ,i find that all my ,english lessons this term have been of the nature of tentative experiments4 ,first ,i read a play of ,shakespeare very rapidly1 allotting parts to every member of the form4 ,my first shock was to discover that not one of them could read aloud4 ,they were afraid of their own voices3 they gabbled through their parts at top speed without paying any attention to the punctuation or attempting to express emotion4 ,then ,i decided to make them come out and try to act the play with the books in their hands4 ,this was looked upon as a grave departure from precedent and an opportunity for ragging4 ,when ,i pointed out that there was plenty of chance for a display of horse-play in the crowd scenes in ,julius ,csar and ,coriolanus1 they possessed themselves in patience until the time to read these plays4 ,heavens6 ,how they loved the mob scenes4 ,here was something after their own hearts4 ,at last ,i had roused their interests4 ,most of the comic scenes fell very flat and so did all the more long-winded speeches1 but once there was a call for an uproar or a pageant they were as pleased as ,punch4 ,i have now discovered that the only way to read plays is to go straight ahead and disregard all difficult passages and notes and get them amused and keen to perform4 ,incidentally1 it makes them far keener if they are permitted to dress the part4 ,in ,she ,stoops to ,conquer and ,the ,knight of the ,burning ,pestle ,i had them all in shrieks of laughter4 ,but now1 as ,i said1 examinations are at hand and woe is me4 ,i'm afraid they won't be able to answer anything4 ,perhaps their ideas of the characters may be more sound than if they learnt them second-hand from ,mr4 ,verity1 but they'll get badly pipped on historical inaccuracies and difficult contexts4 ,then again1 how am ,i to expect them suddenly to produce an essay on ,town and ,country1 or ,conscription1 or ,capital ,punishment when ,i've always given them carte blanche to write short stories1 or imaginary dialogues1 or one-act plays or original verses on any subject under heaven8 ,i think ,i'm going to hate examinations4 ,i wish we could dispense with them altogether4 ,most of the staff appear to revise all the work of the first two months in the third month1 and so get their pupils thoroughly tired and stale of the tiny scrap of ground they have covered and re-covered until they have worn it threadbare4 ,december #ca1 #aiji ,when it came to the end of term ,i was amazingly loath to leave ,radchester4 ,in spite of the ghastly ugliness of the country1 the bitter winds from which there is no refuge1 unsympathetic colleagues 7somehow ,i seem to have alienated most of the elder members of ,common ,room7 and the shattering of several of my ideals1 ,i cannot deny that ,i have enjoyed my first term as a ,public ,school master immensely4 ,i have not rid myself of my nervous fear lest my forms should rise against me and rag me as they rag poor old ,pennyfeather and ,dearden2 ,i certainly did not gain much kudos from the results of the examinations1 either in mathematics or in ,english2 many of the boys dislike my methods and do the minimum of work necessary to evade punishment1 yet ,i have made a few firm friends2 ,i have led a healthy life1 ,i have read a good many books1 and ,i am as keen as mustard to prove my ability to teach4 ,benbow and ,illingworth have each written to me and ,i find that ,i treasure letters from boys above all others4 ,where other men of my age fall in love with girls ,i suppose ,i give my affections to those boys who show promise in ,english and take advantage of the seclusion of my rooms to come and pour out their petty worries and ask for advice4 ,i have been reading somewhere of late that it is a dreadful thing for a man with any brains to live always in the society of others less mature than himself3 he becomes didactic and in every way obnoxious3 ,i know that ,charles ,lamb was not alone in flying from the presence of all schoolmasters3 there is a distinctly noticeable trait in us1 as a profession1 which makes us want to teach and advise1 to lay down the law3 it is a habit against which ,i must most carefully guard4 ,on the other hand1 always being with crowds of healthy youngsters certainly tends to keep a man young3 there are very few responsibilities1 ,i am catered for1 ,i pay no rates or taxes1 ,i have #aej a year to spend on books1 clothes1 travel1 and any other incidental expenses ,i like3 ,i have longer holidays than any other professional man3 for four months in the year ,i am free to do whatever ,i like4 ,of course ,i shall never be able to marry1 never have sons and daughters of my own4 ,but then1 as ,i never see a girl of my own class at ,radchester1 ,i am never likely to want to settle down to domestic life4 ,after all1 instead of one wife and a few children1 ,i have three or four hundred children of the most fascinating ages3 ,i stand in loco parentis to countless numbers4 ,i don't feel that ,i want to become rich3 ,i am willing to forgo all the ordinary ambitions if ,i may have a more or less free hand in education1 and at last realize my many ideals about the training of youth4 ,it seemed unduly lonely at home during ,christmas week compared with the noisy cheeriness of school4 ,for the first time in my life ,i am beginning to feel quite bored with life at ,darley4 ,i long for the games1 the chatter1 my form1 my books1 yes1 even for ,common ,room1 with an aching heart4 ,i hope the rest of the holidays will pass more quickly than these last ten days4 ,i take no pleasure in bridge-parties or tea-fights3 my only solace is to write reams of nonsense to ,illingworth and ,benbow1 and to read all that ,i can lay my hands on which bears on the million or so theories of education4 ,,ii ,january #bj1 #aiaj ,i suppose it is an ineradicable trait in human nature to want to be where one is not3 when ,i was at home ,i longed for ,radchester3 now that ,i am safely back in my own rooms ,i miss the civilization of home1 the constant presence of the other sex1 the beauties of our moors and combes4 ,this is really a very savage1 uncouth sort of place3 at present we are snow-bound1 which seems to cut us off more than ever from the outside world4 ,i should hate to be ill here3 the school doctor is1 ,i imagine1 capable within limits1 but there is no chance of securing any kind of adequate nursing or home comforts4 ,we are in very truth a colony of ,spartans4 ,i find that ,i am hankering after the flesh-pots4 ,i want to see ,vera ,buckley again4 ,i must write and fix up a dinner and a theatre with her4 ,i suppose if the ,head ,master found out ,i should be ignominiously sacked4 ,yet ,i can't see that such conduct can really affect my status here4 ,i don't propose to have her to tea in my rooms4 ,she amuses me and ,i amuse her4 ,she lives in a world poles apart from the one in which ,i live3 she is a wonderful tonic after ,common ,room2 her talk is all of gaiety and the different sorts of men she meets1 pretty frocks and romance4 ,by her side ,i feel amazingly old and dull and careworn3 she is really my sole link with the workaday world outside4 ,there is no chance of our friendship ripening into anything else3 ,i fail to see where the harm or the danger lies2 we like one another3 we do each other good4 ,as she so frequently tells me1 ,i am different from all the other boys4 ,i don't make love to her or any nonsense of that sort2 she acts as a refining influence on me4 ,after parting from her ,i feel less of a boor1 more of a man of the world4 ,i suppose in every profession there are points of routine and minute details that have to be observed that yet offend the new-comer's sensibilities1 but ,i doubt whether anything so utterly devoid of purpose or so calculated to rub a man up the wrong way could ever have been devised to compare with a masters' meeting4 ,at the beginning of term we all assemble in ,common ,room and the ,head ,master reads out a list of proposed changes in the curriculum1 which as a rule affect but two men out of the thirty or forty gathered round the table3 the pros and cons of the changes are1 however1 heatedly discussed by the parties concerned1 while the rest of us yawn and eat our heads off with boredom4 ,if1 however1 ,i or any junior member of the staff should have the effrontery to propose any alteration or reform1 a storm of abuse immediately bursts on our heads and we are met with a final retort which is meant to quash us for all time3 ,the existing system has been in vogue for twenty-five years and no one has seen fit to question it before3 it has become hallowed with the passing of time and it would be a sacrilege to tamper with it now4 ,another feature of these meetings is the way in which each head of a department fights for his own hand4 ,the choirmaster thinks of nothing but getting more time for choir practice1 the officer commanding the corps strenuously tries to procure an extra five minutes at each end for his parades1 the gymnasium expert urges the necessity of physical training in school hours1 the modern language master vainly begs for less classics1 the mathematicians for more hours devoted to preparation1 the games manager for less school work for the teams1 and so on4 ,a stranger would guess 7and he would not be far wrong7 at the end of one of these meetings that we were all deadly enemies1 each suspicious of the other and certain in his own mind that he alone among the many suppliants has been treated with great unfairness and that the school is rapidly going to the dogs because he has not obtained his request4 ,the irony of the situation is heightened by the fact that we pray both before and after the meeting that we may all work in complete harmony for the common good of the boys1 whereas in reality we are all as disunited as any body of men could possibly be4 ,one man will ardently support a motion solely to irritate his dearest enemy1 who will suffer if the proposal is carried2 another will just as strenuously oppose it for no other reason than the fact that his opponent might gain by it if it were carried4 ,the common good seems to be about the last argument to carry weight4 ,there are men here who never speak to one another from year's end to year's end1 although they are forced to meet some twenty times a day and even sit next to one another 7we sit in order of seniority7 at meals4 ,hallows is1 ,i fear1 a case in point4 ,he refused to shake hands with me when ,i came back this term and ,i know perfectly well that he will not take my part if ,i ask him to ginger up any boy in his house who shirks his prepared work4 ,march #a1 #aiaj ,a dreadful thing has happened4 ,a boy in my form called ,chorlthwaite has been expelled for stealing4 ,he happens to have been in ,hallows' house4 ,he was certainly a boy without any moral sense at all4 ,twice ,i detected him in the act of cooking his marks3 the first time ,i talked to him privately and gave him an imposition long enough 7one would have thought7 to have brought the lesson home to him2 on the second occasion ,i went to see ,hallows about it and he as good as told me that it was my fault for putting temptation in his way by making it possible for the boy to do such a thing4 ,trusting to a boy's honour8 he said with an ugly laugh when ,i tried to explain1 you might just as well trust a bookie with your purse3 boys haven't got such a thing4 ,the only way to keep them out of harm's way is never to trust them an inch1 that's my way and ,i've never had a failure yet4 ,he is in a towering rage over this expulsion3 he has told the ,head ,master that the whole blame lies on my shoulders1 because ,i encouraged the boy to come up to my rooms and ransack my cupboards for chocolates and cakes4 7,i always allow all the boys in my form to do this47 ,they are not overfed here and several of them are too poor to be able to afford to go often to the tuck-shop4 ,the wind is apt to give one a prodigious appetite1 and most boys are only too glad to avail themselves of my offer4 ,i have only just heard that ,hallows issued an edict that no boy in his house was to come to my rooms under any pretext except with a signed order from him4 ,chorlthwaite revenged himself by helping himself lavishly from the cupboards of ,benson1 the assistant music master4 ,it is all frightfully depressing4 ,in my ,divinity lessons on ,sundays and ,mondays ,i have always tried to put before my boys a rigid code of moral ethics and ,i had hoped that ,i was meeting with some success4 ,i trusted them all in everything3 ,i always make a point of letting them give up their own marks and1 except in the case of ,chorlthwaite1 ,i have never detected a boy in the act of cheating2 neither have ,i come across a single case of cribbing1 but there would be little point in that because a boy only cribs through fear of punishment and ,i punish so rarely that ,i have even been told by the ,head ,master that ,i am unduly lax4 ,anyway the boy has gone and ,i am abased and ashamed4 ,i hope that this sort of thing won't happen often or it will wreck all my happiness4 ,if my influence isn't good enough to keep my boys straight it were better for me and for them that ,i should become a street scavenger or a coal-heaver4 ,all the same ,i am not sure that expulsion meets the case4 ,what is to happen to ,chorlthwaite in the future8 ,is he to be branded for life8 ,he had the elements of a ,christian in him4 ,i cannot think that his power for evil was strong enough to make him a bad influence over his fellows3 their united good influence1 on the other hand1 would1 ,i should have thought1 in time have changed his perverted sense of morality4 ,now ,i am fearful lest he should become callous and bitter and continue to the end in the path which he at present treads4 ,punishment never yet acted as a sufficient deterrent to any one who really wanted to commit a crime4 ,one of the minor things in life which infuriates me about schoolmastering is this silly rule about smoking4 ,every boy knows quite well that practically every grown-up man smokes1 and at home he sees not only his father and elder brothers but also every man in the street with a pipe1 cigar or cigarette in his mouth1 and yet he is supposed to believe that his masters 7unnatural beings7 never condescend to the vice4 ,in ,common ,room we may smoke and in the seclusion of our own rooms when there is no chance of any boy suddenly breaking in upon us 444 but nowhere else4 ,we are expected to hide all traces of pipes1 jars of tobacco1 or cigarette boxes before we admit any boy into our presence4 ,it is a laughable pretence1 but apt to be infernally annoying4 ,it also strikes me as being immoral3 we give our consent to the universal acting of a lie4 ,what makes it worse is the fact that most of the boys smoke secretly far more than is good for them1 solely from bravado4 ,if only1 as in some schools1 all boys over sixteen who have permission from home were allowed to smoke at certain hours of the day1 the difficulty both for them and for us would be solved4 ,it is like the question of drink3 in some schools boys are given a glass of beer with their midday meal and again at supper4 ,this effectually removes any sort of temptation to dive into the secret recesses of a bar parlour and there drink deep and long1 as is the fashion among the bloods here4 ,i found this out by accident last ,sunday4 ,about four o'clock ,jefferies1 a brilliant scholar and athlete1 came to my rooms1 white as to the gills1 and in a state of nervous terror unfolded a tale over which ,i could not help but gloat4 ,some half-dozen of the more sporting prefects apparently have a habit of disappearing every ,sunday after lunch and walking four miles to an inn1 where they flirt with a fat and ugly barmaid 7,i have only ,jefferies' word for the fat and ugly7 and drink until such time as they are expected back in their houses4 ,on this ,sunday afternoon the place was unfortunately raided by the police and ,jefferies 7luckily without a school cap7 was seized3 he gave a fictitious name and address and found that he was expected to appear at the local ,police ,court to answer the charge against him4 ,naturally the whole thing was bound to come out and he would inevitably be expelled4 ,the boy was in a state of pitiable terror and wanted to know what to do4 ,as luck would have it1 we did hit upon a scheme before he left the room which left him a loophole4 ,he acted upon my suggestion1 which was a simple one1 and as it turned out everything was solved satisfactorily4 ,he was fined heavily but did not appear1 and ,i had the immense joy to see the case reported in the local weekly paper and read all unsuspectingly by members of ,common ,room1 who never for one instant guessed that the ,george ,holmes1 clerk1 etc41 who was fined for obtaining drinks after hours1 had any connexion with the noble and honourable foundation of ,radchester4 ,i suppose ,i ought not to have been a party to this nefarious scheme1 but ,jefferies was far too valuable a member of the school to lose4 ,he certainly did not deserve to have his career ruined for a foolish prank like this4 ,if this came out1 ,i imagine that ,i should also be thrown out into the streets3 ,i wonder how much of this hushing up goes on in all ,public ,schools4 ,i remember that ,i took ,dearden into my confidence over the case of ,jefferies4 ,he is a dear1 good soul3 why on earth he allows the boys to rag him as they do ,i can't think1 except that he's too gentle and generous with every one4 ,he has the next rooms to mine1 and whenever ,i'm out of cigarettes1 or whisky1 or cakes1 ,i just raid his cupboards4 ,heavens6 that places me exactly on a level with ,chorlthwaite3 it is true that ,i have asked him to take whatever he wants whenever he likes from my rooms1 but my cupboards are usually bare owing to the appetite of my own form4 ,when ,i told ,dearden about ,jefferies he laughed long and loud3 he has an infectious laugh1 and his already rubicund cheeks become purple with mirth4 ,when his noises had somewhat subsided1 except for a few intermittent guffaws that he seemed unable to suppress1 he replied3 ,oh6 ,i suppose we all behave like that really3 it's a rotten game turning ,king's ,evidence4 ,i caught a fellow in this house with his arm round a flapper's waist on the beach1 kissing her with great energy one night last summer term4 ,it did me good to see them4 ,he thought he was safe for expulsion4 ,as a matter of fact ,i had him up and tried to lecture him1 but it was all ,i could do to keep a straight face4 ,what do you think his defence was8 ',it's so jolly monotonous here1 sir1 with this continual round of work and games and corps and chapel1 and never a decent-looking girl for miles4' ,i couldn't resist asking him how he unearthed so desirable a creature in a district which breeds little but sea-gulls and mussels4 ',i met her in a village about five miles away one ,sunday afternoon and 444 well1 she was as bored with life as ,i was1 so we agreed to walk to meet each other down the beach every ,thursday and ,saturday night3 it meant two and a half miles each way for each of us1 sir4 ,it was rather a sweat1 but it was worth it1 just for the fun of the risk of being caught4' ,i warned him to be careful in future3 ,i hadn't even the heart to make him promise never to see the girl again2 ,i'm a rotten bad schoolmaster4 ,from this he went on to a heated disquisition on the advantages of co-education4 ,i'm in luck to have so delightful a companion as ,dearden next door to me4 ,he is about ten years senior to me and has had a chequered career4 ,he has been already at about half a dozen schools and never given any great satisfaction4 ,he is1 ,i imagine1 too easy-going3 he just drifts along idly2 he likes his game of bridge1 his whisky1 his nightly chatter1 and beyond that very little except good holidays4 ,like most schoolmasters he is quite without ambition3 he looks forward to nothing better than his present state4 ,i can conceive1 he said once to me1 nothing more delightful than my present life1 if only ,i were not so persistently 'ragged'2 it does so lower a fellow in his own esteem4 ,i have been attending all the recent debates at the ,school ,debating ,society3 it is a very formal and rigid body attended usually by some fifteen or twenty persons1 all very nervous and none of them able to speak at all coherently or interestingly4 ,each time ,i have attended ,i have said something1 but ,i find ,i am as bad as the rest3 there is an air about the society which effectually prevents one from saying what one means4 ,i don't know what it is4 ,the debates are dull and mainly consist of long uncomfortable pauses1 during which no one dares even to whisper1 varied by grotesque attempts at humour which make me want to cry4 ,it seems to me that the power to state an argument concisely1 without stammering or hesitation and in an interesting way1 is a very necessary factor in our educational equipment4 ,i have1 therefore1 started another private debating society1 which meets in my rooms every ,saturday night1 limited to boys whom ,i take during the week4 ,the bait of free food has netted a prodigious catch4 ,i rarely have less than fifty3 they lie about on the floor or prop themselves up against the walls4 ,the atmosphere after an hour and a half is indescribable1 but we certainly do debate4 ,blood-feuds seem to spring from the results of our arguments3 tempers are really lost1 and at times ,i have imagined that they resort to physical tests to prove the truth of their assertions as soon as they get outside4 ,at any rate ,i get them interested and they certainly can talk--the difficulty is rather to make them desist4 ,we vary these debates with charades1 mock trials1 and readings of plays ancient and modern4 ,occasionally ,i read to them humorous extracts1 for choice from ,saki1 ,stephen ,leacock1 or some of the older school of comic writers4 ,i find that ,i look forward to this more than to anything else in the week3 it unfortunately prevents me from going in to see ,vera1 but somehow she and ,i always seem to be able to hit upon mutually free evenings whenever we like4 ,i never allow a week to pass without seeing her4 ,she is my safety-valve3 she gives me a proper perspective4 ,after ,i have quarrelled violently with some colleague or taken some mistake of mine too seriously1 she acts as a corrective and makes me see that ,radchester is not1 as ,common ,room fondly imagines1 the whole of the world4 ,i do not over-emphasize my importance to the ,state when ,i have been with her3 to her ,i am just one of a crowd1 very ordinary1 fairly cheerful and companionable1 less flighty than if ,i were merely one of the boys1 but not necessarily much more precious on that account4 ,england would not materially suffer if ,radchester were razed to the ground to-night2 ,radchester's idea is that ,england would cease to count if such a dire catastrophe were within the bounds of possibility4 ,yes1 it is very good for me to see ,vera weekly4 ,i told her the story of ,dearden about the flapper1 and she replied somewhat to my astonishment1 ,oh6 you old goose4 ,why1 ,i've been out with heaps of ,radchester boys4 ,they come into ,scarborough quite often4 ,of course you wouldn't see them3 they're not quite such fools1 but ,i wouldn't mind betting that they've seen you with me4 ,oh6 don't get frightened4 ,boys aren't likely to give you away3 they understand only too well4 ,they probably think you're the only sensible master on the staff for having the sense not to pretend that you can do without girls4 ,i think it's a mad idea shutting up four or five hundred boys in a lonely place like ,radchester4 ,i shouldn't be surprised at the most horrible things happening there3 it's unnatural4 ,but1 my dear child1 ,i replied1 if you'd read any of the old books you'd realize how necessary it is1 if you want to work1 to get as far away from distraction as possible4 ,now what greater or more charming distraction could there be than you8 ,oh6 get along1 you old silly6 ,you're always pulling my leg4 ,all the same ,i'm certain that nothing but harm can come of separating the sexes in this way4 ,oh1 then1 you are like my friend ,dearden1 in favour of co-education8 ,what's that8 ,but ,i was not to be drawn into any argument4 ,when ,i'm out with ,vera ,i'm out for lightness1 sweetness and gaiety3 ,i want to forget school altogether4 ,i go back refreshed1 revivified and with new ideas4 ,she is the finest pick-me-up ,i know4 ,she doesn't quote the classics at me4 ,for that alone ,i could hug her4 ,april #c1 #aiaj ,and here ,i am at the end of my second term4 ,anything more terrifying than the way in which time flits by here ,i cannot conceive4 ,i made so many good resolutions at the beginning of term and none of them seems to have materialized4 ,i am still going too fast in mathematics1 although ,i keep a strict hold on myself all the time4 ,i think the secret is that ,i am more of a lecturer than a teacher4 ,i find it very hard indeed to repeat over and over again the same formul1 dinning them into thick heads day after day for weeks on end without any variation4 ,i want to keep the boys interested4 ,some of them make tremendous headway with me3 others learn nothing from me at all4 ,in ,english it is otherwise3 most people who come to me for this subject are beginning to read1 which is the best possible sign4 ,in the past they seem to have read nothing1 not even ,the ,arabian ,nights1 nor ,the ,canterbury ,tales1 nor ,gulliver's ,travels1 nor any of the novels of ,thackeray1 or ,dickens1 or the ,bronts1 nor any poetry1 nor essays nor plays4 ,now at least they do search the library for books which ,i recommend4 ,the school library is worse than useless4 ,in ecclesiastical history no library can compare with it1 but for the standard ,english classics one may search in vain4 ,even if the book you want does by some strange chance happen to be there1 you are not allowed to remove it unless you are in the ,sixth ,form4 ,when ,i remonstrated with the librarian 7a foolish thing to do3 ,i have now made him my enemy for life7 all he could say was1 ,my dear man1 these rules have been in existence for generations3 what was good enough for our fathers is surely good enough for us4 ,tell your boys to get these books from their ,house libraries4 ,i have lately been for a tour of inspection round the ,house libraries4 ,edna ,lyall1 ,charlotte ,yonge1 ,conan ,doyle1 ,george ,birmingham1 ,h4 ,a4 ,vachell1 ,harrison ,ainsworth1 ,mark ,twain1 ,seton ,merriman--yes1 but no ,swift1 no ,pope1 no ,browning1 no ,thackeray1 no ,jane ,austen1 no ,fielding1 no ,johnson1 no ,milton1 no ,chaucer1 no ,keats1 no ,shelley1 no ,meredith4 ,apparently the authorities wish boys to imitate ,ruskin and not descend to libraries but to purchase for themselves the masterpieces if they want to read them4 ,only the other day the ,head ,master posted a notice on the school board urging the school to devote less time to the perusal of sixpenny magazines and more to the reading of good1 sound literature--very good advice too--but it isn't every boy who can afford to read the best authors1 besides which the greatest writers cannot be tackled without due preparation and a sharpening of the wits3 the average boy is prejudiced against all the classics as being intolerably dull4 ,it never strikes him that these works were written for our enjoyment1 our solace in woe1 our constant companions in every mood4 ,he prefers to talk about the form displayed during the afternoon by his ,house captain in a school match1 or ruminate on his own shortcomings in a recent ,house match4 ,games seem to me to lose half their charm when they are taken so seriously that a boy contemplates suicide because of his failure in a ,house match4 ,i might give a hundred lectures in ,big ,school on any subject under ,heaven and very few would voluntarily attend1 but if ,i suggest giving a few hints on how to train for games there wouldn't be a vacant seat4 ,i am certain this making a fetish of games is too much of a good thing4 ,there is a limit even to keenness4 ,i love watching a fierce senior final ,house match and all school matches4 ,i love going all out when ,i am playing any game1 but ,i certainly object to treating it as if it were a religious ceremonial1 or rather a display before my ,supreme ,judge and that on my merits or demerits ,i shall be saved or damned everlastingly4 ,quite the most enjoyable days of this term have been those wild1 wet1 windy afternoons when ,i have expended all my energies dashing up and down the shore in that peculiar game1 half rugger1 half hockey1 which is only played at ,radchester1 but ,i don't go back to my rooms and weep if ,i play badly1 or preen myself like a peacock if by some lucky chance ,i give an exhibition beyond the normal4 ,this has been a better term than last1 if only because of the three new men on the staff1 all of whom are younger than ,i am4 ,it was pleasant to watch them first of all roundly chafe at the limitless number of rules and restrictions placed upon us all1 and gradually succumb to the tradition and become unquestioning1 staunch adherents of a system against which their better judgments first taught them to rebel4 ,one excitement of the last month has been the visit of the ,inspectors3 they are due once every five years and are supposed to be selected with scrupulous care4 ,they are fted for a week and shown everything at its most abnormal and best3 it is no fair test at all4 ,for one whole week no boy dared to rag even such a pitiable ass as ,pennefeather1 lest the ,head ,master and ,inspectors should suddenly come in4 ,richards having carefully worked out an admirable lesson on the ,siege of ,syracuse meticulously went through it every hour with his form for the whole period on the off-chance and1 as luck would have it1 no ,inspector came near him4 ,i was not going to change my curriculum for any of the old dodderers1 and they called on me daily4 ,the ,english expert was a gentleman1 and simply sat down and took notes of my methods all the time ,i was teaching1 while the mathematical inspector did all the work for me and told me how to teach factors1 without so much as worrying to ask how ,i got on or watching me display my talents at all4 ,these inspections are merely farcical4 ,their report was one long succession of very good1 brilliant1 astonishingly capable1 and so on4 ,i have of late been worrying over the code of honour that prevails among the boys4 ,apparently to cheat1 to lie1 to give way to unnatural vice1 to torture poor1 half-witted1 feckless youngsters are venal offences1 hardly counting as offences at all1 whereas to make a friend of a master1 to cut or slack during a game1 to work hard1 are unforgivable and heinous sins to be ruthlessly punished with the utmost severity4 ,mixed up with the innocence and almost angelic tenderness of some young boys there is a strain of dirt1 craft1 and hollow insincerity that appals me4 ,i would give a good deal to know whence these theories of life have their source4 ,i am certain that such things are not inherent in the boy-nature3 it is a fungus-growth that is become part and parcel of the ,public ,school spirit1 the tares growing up with the wheat1 and no one has the courage to try to exterminate them4 ,i am always priding myself upon the fact that none of my boys ever crib1 but last week ,i discovered a boy writing out a theorem in geometry from a fair copy which he had brought in with him4 ,he knew that ,i always walked round and round the room 7,i make it a practice never to sit down in a classroom7 and counted on my mistaking the fair copy at his side for one of the propositions which he had already written out4 ,i could find it in my heart to wish that all propositions were deleted from the mathematical syllabus4 ,if we were always to invent new exercises this temptation would be removed4 ,i am glad to be going away to-morrow3 ,i want to think out all these myriad problems of education3 ,i am very tired and rather depressed at the result of all my efforts4 ,i have worked hard this term and yet ,i have a feeling in my bones that most of my keenness is wasted3 ,i am almost a butterfly on a wheel4 ,the system is going to be too strong for me4 ,i have a lurking suspicion that schoolmastering is not a man's job at all4 ,it only really appeals to humdrum invertebrates who can live in an entirely unreal atmosphere1 who like being placed on a pedestal and held up as models of all the more insipid virtues and who can lay down the law and see that it is obeyed to the last letter4 ,in no profession is the danger of thinking too much so obvious3 any one possessed of an introspective or imaginative temperament is quite out of place in a ,public ,school4 ,every day by reading ,i find that ,i am enlarging my mind and getting to know all sorts of interesting things1 but most of them are not for the ears of babes and sucklings1 and so ,i am compelled to lead two quite different lives and am become a sort of ,dr4 ,jekyll and ,mr4 ,hyde4 ,what ,i do hate about the end of the term is the fact that to-morrow night ,i shall no longer be able to hear the merry shouts of the boys in the ,house ,room below or the careless chatter of hundreds coming out of chapel or school3 there will be no more games2 but ,i have one consolation4 ,i am not1 as ,i did at ,christmas1 going to a lonely home4 ,illingworth is coming with me on a walking tour through ,devon4 ,i am looking forward to that very much indeed4 ,,iii ,may #d1 #aiaj ,i am glad to be back again1 but ,i never enjoyed any holiday in all my life as ,i enjoyed the one just finished4 ,illingworth and ,i took a train to ,bideford on the first day of the holidays and put up in the hotel where ,kingsley wrote ,westward ,ho6 ,the difference between that old1 bizarre1 medival sleepy town and ,radchester is impossible to believe4 ,we spent our first evening talking to old sailors on the quay1 and it did not require much imagination to take us back to the brave days of ,elizabeth4 ,it was an idyllic holiday3 we never had any definite end in view3 when we felt hungry1 regardless of the time1 we would just go in to the nearest cottage and fill ourselves up with junkets and fruits and cream and then lazily stroll on1 regardless of rights of way1 over fields1 through dense woods1 by rabbit-warrens and carefully guarded preserves4 ,often we had to run from farmers1 gamekeepers and their dogs1 which added a good deal to the enjoyment3 it just gave the extra spice of danger which we wanted4 ,once we got cut off by the tide and had to row over to ,clovelly1 where we put up for the night in a white-washed cottage1 which smelt so sweetly of lavender and thyme1 and was altogether so delectable with its spotlessly clean flags and old oak panelling1 that we swore that if we ever got rich we would retire there and live as hermits1 with a vast library to console us for the loss of the outside world4 ,one day we bought a couple of rucksacks and set our faces towards ,hartland ,point and tramped all round the coast until we got to ,bude4 ,we took several days over this1 because neither ,illingworth nor ,i could ever help turning aside to explore any lane which looked promising4 ,we found so many wonderful old ,tudor manor-houses and cheery farm-houses that we could never tear ourselves away before we had called and been given leave to explore to our heart's content4 ,alone1 ,i should never have dared to ask for so strange a courtesy1 but ,illingworth is one of those boys who no sooner sees than he must possess1 a trait that he must have inherited1 for his father is one of the most famous and successful cotton men in ,manchester4 ,in the end we arrived at ,chagford4 ,i don't quite know why1 except that ,illingworth liked the sound of the name4 ,we got there by way of ,okehampton and ,sticklepath4 ,he had become very interested in ,john ,trevena's novels1 ,a ,pixy in ,petticoats1 and ,arminel of the ,west1 which he unearthed from my shelves at school1 and when he heard that we were in the neighbourhood of the scenes therein depicted1 nothing would content him but that we should see for ourselves whether the people were as delightful or the scenery so wonderful as ,trevena had made them out to be2 so we tramped round the fringe of ,dartmoor and put up at the first house we saw that appealed to us on the outskirts of ,chagford4 ,looking back on it now ,i can honestly say that in this sweet village1 nestling under the shadow of the great moor1 ,i found my ideal home3 no other place has ever given me1 from the first moment ,i saw it in the distance1 quite the same sense of security and home4 ,we were welcomed at ,fernworthy ,view as if we were prodigal sons returned home at last4 ,we had a wonderfully capacious sitting-room with a piano1 which we thumped on every night1 singing ribald songs1 ,buffalo ,gals1 ,the ,mulligan ,guards1 and the latest musical comedy bits with ,betty and ,thomasin1 the two daughters of the house who waited on us4 ,before we had been there three days we had made friends with the parson1 the doctor1 one or two hunting men and all the villagers4 ,we used to go and gossip in the pubs1 over the counter at the shops1 and up by the village pump opposite the church1 where the majority of the yokels used to collect in the evening to discuss the doings of the day3 we learnt a good deal of local scandal1 accounts of the day's sport with the hounds1 or fishing or shooting4 ,wherever we went we seemed to make friends4 ,and then by day1 when the villagers were at work1 we used to go out on to the moor and follow the ,wallabrook1 trying to trace each part of the stream to its source4 ,the moor always has an amazing effect upon me4 ,i know that ,eden ,phillpotts and ,john ,trevena talk a good deal about the malicious spirit of the great monoliths and the permanence of the stone1 making even more futile by contrast the efforts of puny and transient man1 but ,i find ,dartmoor infinitely consoling4 ,here at ,radchester ,i certainly do feel a malign influence in the ugliness of the flat lands and the hideous waste of sand and grey water1 but there is a richness about the moor that makes ,nature there seem much more the ,eternal ,mother and ,generous ,giver1 sympathizer at any rate with strong and lusty youth4 ,grandeur and beauty in scenery surely can never do anything but elevate and purify the spirit of man4 ,i am never happier than when ,i have scaled the top of one of these ,tors and can turn north1 south1 east1 and west and see no living soul4 ,the wind sweeps through me1 the sun shines for me alone1 all the blue of the heavens is mine4 ,i am nearer to the elemental things than at any other time in my life4 ,i am no longer introspective1 dwelling on human imperfections2 ,i am just filled to the brim with thankfulness1 and opening my arms wide ,i feel that ,i am about to be taken into the embraces of my ,lord ,himself3 ,he is never so near as ,he is on these ,mounts of ,transfiguration3 for all hills tend to transfigure not only ,god but man4 ,as he rises farther from the valley in body1 so does his soul expand4 ,young ,illingworth and ,i found that we could talk of things on the moor that we should never have dreamt of discussing elsewhere4 ,after a long and arduous climb1 just to throw oneself down on the heather and gaze languidly1 in sweet and utter content1 up into the sky6 ,how remote and unreal ,radchester and all it stands for seemed at such moments1 how small and ridiculously inept the quarrels and troubles that loom so large in ,common ,room2 these hills certainly sweep away any malice that one may feel1 or grudge that one may bear against one's fellow-men4 ,like ,st4 ,peter ,i never want to come down from these heights3 ,i want to live in that rarefied atmosphere always1 but the workaday world calls and we have to descend again into the fray4 ,betty and ,thomasin1 as an alternative to the noises on the piano1 used to get us to go into the kitchen and read aloud to them till bedtime stories out of ,the ,arabian ,nights4 ,as an alternative to the moor there was always the ,teign1 in which river we used to paddle and bathe and shoot at fish with a horrible old revolver which ,illingworth had been prevailed upon to buy from a poacher4 ,another of our sources of pleasure was an old disused mill1 a survival of the eighteenth century4 ,illingworth found a chain by which we could be hauled up from floor to floor by a system of pulleys on the fifth floor3 he never tired of this particular form of amusement1 and on really wet days we used to spend hours pulling one another up and down like sacks of wheat4 ,alas1 it was all too soon over3 the weeks sped by like wildfire and yesterday was a day of sad partings from many firm and fast friends among the moor-folk4 ,at any rate we have promised to go back4 ,it seems incredible to think that it was only yesterday 444 and here ,i am making out my scheme of work for the term1 paying last term's accounts1 getting ready to renew my feud with ,hallows1 full of determination like poor old ,perrin in that school-story of ,hugh ,walpole's that this term shall be better4 ,i really will not go so fast in mathematics1 ,i will instil my own sense of morality in my boys1 ,i will do something to alter the ridiculous codes which govern their mode of conduct4 ,at any rate to-night ,i feel amazingly strong and healthy1 and ,i am as fit for the fray physically as a man can be4 ,june #aj1 #aiaj ,i suppose each individual master unconsciously draws to him a peculiar type of boy4 ,i begin to think that the pariah finds himself especially attracted to me4 ,there have been two horrible rows this term1 one during the first week when ,i was fresh from the healthy wilds of ,dartmoor1 full of vigour to instil my high ideals into the minds of all who came into contact with me4 ,immorality appears to be all-prevalent2 some of the finest boys in the school had to leave at a moment's notice1 among them ,illingworth4 ,even now1 a month after the event1 ,i can scarcely credit it4 ,i cannot believe that it is the small boys' fault4 ,jefferies came up to say good-bye and appeared to be heart-broken3 yet he was the most flagrant offender of them all4 ,i felt quite unable to cope with the disaster at all4 ,i didn't know what to say to him4 ,i tried to elicit from him what it was that first of all started boys off in this hideous vice1 and ,i think he tried his best to give me a rational answer4 ,i suppose with me1 sir1 he began1 it was pure boredom4 ,life here seemed so narrow2 there was no possibility of an outlet for the emotions4 ,we are so narrowly confined1 so closely watched1 so driven and looked after every hour of every day3 the routine is killing to the imagination4 ,then comes along a good-looking small boy2 a longing comes over one to make a friend of him1 but the school rules most stringently forbid that1 so we are driven to secrecy and secrecy breeds vicious ideas4 ,we can't meet openly3 we have to think out lonely and unlikely places3 then human nature asserts itself and the rest follows only too quickly4 ,but surely1 ,i interposed1 surely the thought of your own honour1 if not of the physical ills that are bound to follow1 act as a deterrent8 ,sermons and house-master's warnings and so on must have some effect4 ,none1 ,i'm afraid1 sir1 when it comes to the point2 the attraction proves too strong and the added spice of danger1 as in the case of those ,sundays in the public-houses1 is a tremendous incentive4 ,the sin seems to lie1 not in the action1 but in being found out4 ,there are heaps and heaps of fellows who have left here loaded with honours1 thought by all of you to be paragons of virtue1 veritable ,sir ,galahads1 who in reality are infinitely worse than any of us who are now being sacked4 ,you don't cleanse your ,augean stable by firing out a score or so of unfortunate wretches every year as a horrible warning to the rest4 ,immorality is not like a fire which can be stamped out2 if there is any certain method it lies in gentle handling and weaning us gradually from impure thoughts to higher things4 ,i know that you are awfully sick with me and ,i feel a rotten swine to you1 as if ,i had betrayed a trust1 but you came too late for us2 probably you'll do more for the new kids4 ,it can only be done by catching us before we are bored and making us really interested in literature1 music1 art--something with ,beauty in it which is not compulsory4 ,i know the prevalent opinion is that those who are interested in art are the worst of all3 the truth is quite the reverse1 the worst offenders are the unimaginative beefy bloods4 ,there seems to be a lurking suspicion in the average schoolmaster's mind that all beauty is effeminate1 if not actively immoral4 ,i believe in reality that immorality is as much due to the suspicious and not too clean minds of our masters as to any other agency4 ,we are never directly spoken to on the matter4 ,if a house-master does talk about it he blushes and stammers and talks about sex as if it were in itself foul4 ,he makes a quite innocent youngster begin to take a delight in these hidden things4 ,the truth is that they ought not to be hidden at all4 ,once people begin to talk openly and discuss without false shame all these matters1 this vice will disappear1 not before4 ,i've got to suffer1 so there's no point in my making excuses1 but you1 sir1 if you are really keen on getting rid of this evil1 remember that the only way to do it is to get hold of boys and interest them in life4 ,give them something to occupy their minds1 so that there is no empty corner of their souls swept and garnished ready for the occupation of the spirit of evil4 ,it is altogether horrible2 all my best friends have gone1 the very boys that ,i had trusted most and loved most4 ,i cannot imagine evil of young ,illingworth after our month together on ,dartmoor4 ,i dare swear no evil thought once crossed his mind the whole time we were together4 ,i am certain in my inmost mind that this vice is not an essential part of life as some writers try to make out2 ,i do not believe that youth must pass through this stage of adolescence and that it would be uncanny if he did not give way to his natural feelings4 ,i believe one reason for our failure here to cope with this dire disease is the lack of feminine society4 ,i wonder how co-education schools stand in this matter4 ,i believe the natural throwing of boys into the constant society of girls would result in a total elimination of all foulness1 whether of thought or deed4 ,one of the most disgusting things in all my life here is the uncleanness of so many boys' minds4 ,i hate the idea of a ,bowdlerized ,shakespeare1 for instance1 and yet when ,i come across a passage that could possibly be construed in a dirty way1 ,i find my boys sniggering1 loving the innuendo3 it is then that ,i want to make the reading of ,rabelais compulsory3 that would cure them4 ,i have never passed occasions like this without bursting forth into a vehement tirade against the clod-like state of a mind that can find matter for jesting in such things4 ,it is the secrecy that ruins everything4 ,if1 for instance1 ,i were openly to proclaim my friendship for ,vera ,buckley1 whom ,i still see weekly1 ,i should be suspected at once of having seduced her4 ,just as it is imagined that no older boy can make a friend of a younger boy without having some ulterior1 filthy motive1 so no man can be seen with a shop-girl 7or any girl for the matter of that7 without giving rise to scandalous suggestions as to his attitude towards her4 ,i wish some members of ,common ,room could be privileged to hear the sort of conversation that passes between ,vera and myself4 ,she is something of a philosopher1 and her outlook on life1 which is eminently cheery and healthy1 does me a world of good when ,i am depressed4 ,i talk over with her all my schemes for educational reform and she is intensely sympathetic and alive4 ,she offers a vast number of amazingly good suggestions3 one of her most frequent points is that ,i should try to teach my boys not to divide all her sex into two quite separate divisions1 7#a7 their mothers1 sisters1 and girls whom they meet at dances1 parties and games1 to whom they are studiously courteous and chivalrous1 and 7#b7 the rest1 shop-girls and others1 whom they ogle in the streets1 take out for walks1 kiss and fondle and treat as instruments for their own pleasures1 to be discarded at will as soon as they tire of them4 ,july #d1 #aiaj ,the golden days of summer are fast slipping by and ,i do little else but bathe1 play cricket1 and read in my spare time4 ,most of the boys hate having to play cricket every afternoon of the term and chafe exceedingly at the tediousness of half-holidays1 when they are expected to stay out at their games for four and a half hours4 ,the more sensible take out rugs and books1 and bask in the sun until they are called upon to field1 but the temptation to go off and bathe must be pretty strong when you can hear the waves softly lapping on the beach below1 calling you to come and cool yourself in the water4 ,there is a most absurd rule here that only school prefects may bathe in the sea3 the rest of the school has to content itself with the covered-in baths at stated and only too rare intervals4 ,these rules seem to me to be the ruin of the school3 long summer afternoons ought to be given up to freedom and jollity4 ,boys should be encouraged to go as far away as possible for picnics1 bicycle rides1 and walks1 to keep themselves fresh1 instead of which roll-calls are held at ridiculously close intervals2 not more than two hours are ever allowed to pass without assembling the whole school to answer their names4 ,the place seems to be run on the basis of ,out of sight1 up to mischief4 ,every one suspects everybody else4 ,the ,common ,room garden1 which is the only place in the whole neighbourhood where one can see flowers growing1 possesses one tennis-court2 the rivalry to secure it for a game among those who like tennis is comic to watch4 ,intense hatred is bred if any one dares to use it more frequently than any one else4 ,if any of the junior members of the staff try to get a game among themselves they are taunted with a lack of loyalty and duty4 ,it is the young man's privilege to keep an eye on the games1 to umpire at cricket and see that fellows don't slack4 ,luckily for me1 ,i much prefer the society of the boys1 and ,i play or umpire every day4 ,equally luckily ,i am tremendously keen on fielding and ,i thoroughly enjoy every game ,i play1 so long as ,i am not expected to take it too seriously4 ,but ,i certainly sympathize with those unfortunates who hate the game and yet are compelled to waste all these precious afternoons chasing after a ball1 not caring in the least who wins or loses or how badly or well they play4 ,quite a number of boys have told me that they would infinitely prefer that there were no half-holidays4 ,the hours in school pass so much quicker4 ,if only the surrounding country were passably interesting and we could get up excursions to explore woods or churches1 it would to some extent solve the difficulty1 but though it is less depressing here in the summer than in the winter1 there is no beauty anywhere1 nothing to call one away from the eternal round of cricket4 ,the only break is ,speech ,day1 a most amazing ceremony which gives one furiously to think4 ,we had an ,archbishop and several famous men of the day to talk to us this year1 but the sole business of the affair seemed to be to feed the parents as lavishly as possible and to laud ourselves up to the skies4 ,the only criterion of success1 to judge from the ,head ,master's speech1 was the number of ,higher ,certificates gained in the annual examination4 ,he obviously makes a fetish of this2 he publishes it in all the papers and recurs to it at constant intervals1 in sermons1 at masters' meetings and at dinner-parties4 ,apparently we stand or fall by this one qualification4 ,anything further from the true end and aim of education it would be hard to imagine4 ,for this one day of speeches and lunch the whole place is transformed3 it becomes almost civilized1 a part of the world that we know outside4 ,there are motor-cars1 pretty1 smartly dressed girls with their mothers1 and proud fathers full of malapropos comments1 and--most important of all--no compulsory cricket4 ,for one whole day we get a chance to breathe1 to look round and talk1 and at night if a boy is lucky he may even dine with his people at their hotel in ,scarborough4 ,it need scarcely be said how flat the rest of the term seems after this great day1 so eagerly looked forward to1 so long in coming1 so quickly over when it does arrive4 ,i think ,i derived most of my joy from comparing the garb of my colleagues on this day with their ordinary1 every-day habiliments4 ,i suppose no class of men dresses more shabbily than the schoolmaster2 as he is so abominably underpaid that is not to be wondered at4 ,what is a matter for comment is the extraordinary costume he dons on gala occasions4 ,grey frock-coats with black trousers and a straw hat1 dark morning coat with brown boots and a bowler--there is no end to the grotesqueness of the combination of ill-assorted garments4 ,we look like a lot of master grocers tricked out for an annual convention4 ,after all1 clothes are not a very important part of life1 but it does somehow emphasize our aloofness from the workaday world to appear clad like ,rip ,van ,winkles once a year4 ,our gaucherie when we are called upon to talk to our visitors would make even a shop-walker wince4 ,we seem to have lost the art of conversation3 our tongues are rusty2 we have no commonplaces1 we cannot even hand round tea or food without falling over one another4 ,we feel all the time that these parents are laughing at our awkwardness1 that the girls have labelled us all as old fossils1 bloodless1 not unlike harmless lunatics3 their brothers will certainly not tend to remove that impression when asked4 ,altogether ,i felt ashamed of my profession for the whole of that day4 ,i would willingly forget it4 ,i have been wondering lately whether ,i am not wasting such talents as ,i have at ,radchester4 ,i certainly do not want to stay here for ever with no prospect of ever earning more than #cjj a year1 and yet there is no denying that on the whole ,i love the place and that ,i feel an insidious temptation to take root here4 ,just by way of experiment ,i have answered a few advertisements to see if ,i have any chance of getting anything else4 ,one man wanted me to act as secretary to a firm of motor manufacturers1 but that seems to be tame and dull compared with this4 ,the ,board of ,education have offered me a post as ,junior ,inspector of ,board ,schools in ,essex1 but ,i dislike the smell of board schools and constant travelling up and down the county does not appeal to me at all4 ,the most tempting offer has come from ,india1 to take over the job of ,professor of ,english at a native university4 ,i dallied with that idea for some time1 but my people were against it1 so ,i reluctantly refused it4 ,the pay was good and the life would certainly be interesting1 besides which ,i should then be able to gratify my desire to travel4 ,the ,east is always calling me1 ever since ,i first began to read ,conrad4 ,but should ,i find an ,illingworth or a ,benbow among the natives8 ,i imagine the contingency to be a remote one4 ,on the other hand1 ,i should broaden my mind and come into contact with men and women with ideas as different as possible from those current here4 ,one result of my tentative efforts to leave has been a sort of restlessness which has made me buy guidebooks to all sorts of places4 ,illingworth and ,i had arranged to spend the summer holidays at ,chagford1 but now that he is gone ,i am likely to be at a loose end and ,i don't know where to go4 ,i've thought of the ,highlands1 the ,lakes1 ,ireland1 ,cornwall and ,wales3 ,i cannot make up my mind4 ,i find that ,i want a companion and there is no one in ,common ,room with whom ,i should care to go4 ,july #ca1 #aiaj ,now that ,i have come to the end of my first year as a ,public ,school master1 ,i am trying to take stock of the situation4 ,i have learnt a good deal since last ,september and ,i certainly am devoted to my job4 ,i have not yet got over my initial nervousness4 ,i still have nightmares of my boys getting out of hand and yet ,i have had no great difficulty in keeping order4 ,i certainly don't like taking prep4 or looking after ,hall while three hundred and fifty boys eat1 but ,i can cope with any number of boys up to forty and keep them at work4 ,during the last week ,i have been invigilating and correcting examination work3 my boys have not done particularly well in mathematics4 ,apparently ,i still go too fast or else ,i am unable to explain adequately4 ,compared with my ,english work ,i find mathematics uncommonly dull4 ,in ,english ,i have got some really good results4 ,some boys have written short stories1 others plays1 others verses1 many of which show originality1 good sense1 and a capacity for expression which ,i certainly did not get last year4 ,i have interested them1 too1 in reading3 they borrow all my books1 new and old4 ,i read extracts from all sorts of authors in form and try to whet their appetites for more4 ,i only wish that instead of a paltry two hours a week ,i could inveigle the ,head to give me an hour a day4 ,all the other ,english masters here confine themselves to analysis1 parsing1 prcis1 and one play of ,shakespeare per year4 ,i have run through 7lightly7 the whole course of ,english ,literature in the last three terms and some boys have specialized on drama1 others on ballads1 others on fiction and a few on poetry1 each following his own bent4 ,i wonder why this all-important subject has been so neglected4 ,that it has is evident from the silly letters most boys write and the twaddle that gets into the school magazine4 ,why any one pays sixpence for the monthly ,radcastrian passes my comprehension4 ,it consists of a facetious all too brief ,editorial1 badly strung together1 followed by pages of description of games which interest no one except the players1 and them only if they receive honourable mention1 a sentimental piece of artificial versifying1 a list of elevens and fifteens1 promotions1 colourless reports of debates and lectures1 and a few letters of abuse4 ,i'd guarantee to turn out a better journal from the weekly output of my form4 ,the worst of it is that the average boy is interested in nothing at all1 there is nothing that he wants to read about4 ,so a tradition springs up that a school magazine shall be solely a chronicle of games4 ,i am now in the middle of writing reports4 ,i wonder why it is that as soon as we are confronted by one of these queer documents all powers of criticism and expression desert us1 and we1 one and all1 descend to a jargon which is quite meaningless4 ,i find myself filling about a hundred of these slips with such idiotic remarks as ,industry adequate1 ,painstaking1 ,very fair but could work harder1 ,lacks concentration1 ,very weak but tries1 ,neat and hard-working1 and so on4 ,when they are filled up they are about as much good as a guide to parents as when they are untouched4 ,no one could possibly gauge a boy's merit or progress from these things4 ,they remind me of marks1 which as a criterion of a boy's terminal success are as bad a test as could be devised4 ,i always feel that ,i am being paid #aej a year simply to do this sort of hack work1 to fill up reports and to make out a weekly order for my form4 ,all the rest of my work ,i give willingly without payment4 ,the first part of my summer holiday has been decided for me4 ,to-morrow morning we leave for ,salisbury ,plain1 where we are to camp out for ten days4 ,to that ,i am looking forward immensely4 ,sharing a tent with seven boys in this house should bring me closer to them than ever and ,i ought to be able to learn something valuable about that most elusive and tricky thing1 a boy's mind4 ,they are never quite natural in the presence of a master2 perhaps they'll forget that ,i am one at ,tidworth4 ,our ,o4,c4 here is a strange fellow4 ,i like him very much1 but his views on life are diametrically opposed to my own4 ,he is as hard as nails and is a twentieth-century ,stoic4 ,he despises all beautiful things2 his bookshelves are lined with ,kipling and guides to military strategy and tactics4 ,he lives in and for the ,corps4 ,he is never happy unless he is in uniform4 ,like myself he is a mathematician1 but he makes all his work as military as possible4 ,day and night he evolves schemes for field-days1 outpost1 advanced guard and other exercises2 he is an expert scout1 signaller1 and drill-master4 ,he demands the utmost punctilio in matters of ceremonial on parade3 he coaches individually each boy who shoots on the range2 he spends most of his holidays in barracks or on ,army manuvres as a lieutenant in the ,special ,reserve4 ,he is one of the few men ,i know who is convinced that we are shortly to embark on a colossal ,european war1 and naturally all the rest of ,common ,room laugh at him4 ,he really is rather absurd1 yet ,i cannot help but love him1 he is so splendidly sure of himself4 ,his is one of the rooms to which ,i feel any inclination to go when ,i feel lonely4 ,he sits up to all hours of the night drawing maps and working out military problems from old examination papers1 but he is always eager and ready for an argument4 ,his principal bone of contention with me is that ,i don't ginger up the boys enough4 ,he is a firm believer in the rod2 he canes nearly all the boys in his ,house weekly1 just to keep them up to the mark and himself in training4 ,he detests my theories that boys should be taught in comfortable rooms with good pictures on the walls and sthetic colours to delight their senses4 ,he is one of those men who is suspicious of all ,art as tending towards the immoral4 ,they say he is admirable in camp1 and that all the other ,public ,school officers stand in awe of him because he knows his job so much better than they do4 ,he certainly is unlike any other schoolmaster whom ,i have ever known4 ,there is a sort of ,straffordian thoroughness about him which makes him an idol in the sight of the boys who1 to give them their due1 certainly do bestow all their hero-worship on the ,nietzschean superman when they find him4 ,,iv ,august #aj1 #aiaj ,i am back in ,chagford again after ten of the best days ,i can remember4 ,camp was one continuous round of sheer joy4 ,the weather was good3 they gave us plenty of work to do2 ,i learnt an immense amount of soldiering and ,i have become quite as keen as any of them4 ,o',connor1 our ,o4,c41 has recommended me for a commission and ,i go into barracks at the ,depot in ,exeter next week4 ,i had no idea that life under canvas could be so good4 ,to be woken after a dreamless sleep at five on a perfect summer morning1 to open the tent-flaps and look out on the gorgeous woods of the ,pennings and then to dash up and have an icy shower-bath before first parade1 to come in to breakfast with an appetite as keen as that of a baby1 to spend the greater part of the day in the open air1 washing up1 cleaning the tent and my uniform1 or running about as a scout searching for information1 to shout rowdy songs in company with a couple of thousand other spirits as healthy and care-free as oneself1 to gossip in the lines as the light gradually dwindles away at night1 and last of all to be sung to sleep by the bugle's last post and lights out1 in short to live as man should live1 in a sort of half-savage1 wholly healthy way like this is one delirious dream4 ,i loved every minute of it4 ,would that it could have continued for a hundred instead of ten days4 ,the boys in my tent treated me exactly as one of themselves4 ,i was ordered about by my section commander just like any other private2 in fact1 ,i was privileged enough to be taken by everybody just as a private1 as if there were no ,radchester and this was all4 ,it was just one glorious rag3 the fight for food and drink as orderly of the day1 the hustle to get everything cleared up in time for parade1 the deadly funk lest one's buttons should not pass muster at the inspection1 the fear lest one should do the wrong thing in close order drill on parade1 and so bring ridicule down on the school or oneself from the tyrannical sergeants who bullied us into shape1 everything was thoroughly good and ,i loved it4 ,it is very quiet and tame at ,chagford after that strenuous time1 but ,i have never before realized how precious a thing a hot bath was1 or clean sheets and a comfortable bed1 and entire liberty with regard to the way in which one spends one's day4 ,chagford is becoming my home1 my refuge from the world4 ,betty and ,thomasin even came as far as ,moretonhampstead in the motor-bus to meet me4 ,i could have hugged them both for this4 ,they were disappointed not to see ,illingworth and it was hard to account for his absence4 ,i said that he had gone to ,switzerland to complete his education4 ,i miss him even more here than ,i did at school4 ,we sang all the old songs to-night and ,i read some more stories out of ,the ,arabian ,nights4 ,it is hard to imagine that three months have passed since ,i was last here4 ,the village1 they tell me1 is crowded3 all the summer visitors are now here4 ,i don't like to hear that--,i am jealous of my find4 ,i don't like hordes of ,londoners prying into my favourite nooks4 ,i shall find banana-skins and orange-pips on the ,wallabrook to-morrow1 and probably the way to ,cranmere will be indicated by a long succession of paper bags and bits of discarded bun4 ,i wish ,i could describe the fascination of the moor4 ,as soon as ,i got to ,exeter ,i saw the blue hills in the distance with their quaint1 craggy tors1 and my heart leaped within me4 ,i wanted to get out of the train and run to greet them4 ,by the time that we had climbed out of ,newton to ,bovey ,i was racing from side to side of the carriage to glut my eyes with the rich sights which met my eye wherever ,i looked1 the white-washed cottages1 the prosperous farms1 the rookeries1 the rock-strewn streams1 the thick woods1 the riot of many-coloured flowers1 the red loam and real green fields--how different these from the poor parched pastures of ,radchester2 the square squat church towers1 the tapering spires1 the big mansions of the squirearchy1 the slow plodding farm labourers in the winding lanes1 the myriad animals squatting1 running1 flying1 chasing and being chased2 everything spoke to me of home and then at last at ,moretonhampstead to be met by such dear creatures as ,betty and ,thomasin3 my cup of happiness was indeed full4 ,august #ba1 #aiaj ,i am to go back to ,chagford as soon as ,i have finished my military training here in order to coach young ,willoughby 7whose brother was at ,new ,college with me last year7 for ,woolwich4 ,he said that he didn't mind where he went and so he fell in at once with my suggestion of ,chagford4 ,i am not altogether liking life in barracks after my wild and free week at ,chagford4 ,there ,i got up when ,i liked1 ordered what ,i liked for meals1 was waited on hand and foot by ,betty and ,thomasin1 lazed by the side of the ,teign and bathed at frequent intervals in a deep pool which nobody knew of1 far from all inquisitive eyes1 and trapesed about the moor to my heart's content every day4 ,i took a heap of books but except in the kitchen at nights1 when ,i read aloud1 ,i never had any temptation to open them4 ,after the strenuous life of camp ,i was only too glad of the opportunity to meander and gossip4 ,life seems to move very slowly in these ,devon villages4 ,no one seems to have been married or to have died since ,i was last here3 the same girls serve in the same shops1 the same men occupy the same seats in the bar parlour at ,the ,half-,moon and ,the ,goat and ,boy2 the only change is the influx of visitors attired in immaculate flannels1 who get excited because their copy of the ,times was not sent up at the usual time to-day4 ,thank ,heaven1 ,i've only got to endure ten days more of this3 ,i am not overfond of the officers4 ,they resent my presence1 ,i think1 because ,i am not a pukka soldier3 ,i never could be--,i have not ,o',connor's temperament4 ,there is such an amazing amount of ritual and ceremony about the mess4 ,there's not much to do except to drink and read the papers1 and get up the parts of the rifle1 which bore me4 ,the ,sergeant-,major has taken me under his wing and given me tips preparatory to my exam41 but ,i'm not so grateful as ,i ought to be4 ,every morning ,i go out on first parade1 usually in a parlous funk about my clothes4 ,do ,i wear a sword or not8 ,whom exactly am ,i expected to salute8 ,what are my duties8 ,everything is hazy3 there is nothing definite laid down and frequently ,i loiter about all the morning only to find that ,i am not wanted4 ,most of the senior officers seem to spend their time filling up papers in the orderly room4 ,in the afternoons they go off and play tennis or fish1 and ,i am left to my own devices until dinner1 which meal ,i am expected to attend4 ,i have explored the city1 which is an attractive one4 ,the inhabitants are sleepy1 but extraordinarily healthy-looking and rubicund of hue3 the girls almost uncannily pretty4 ,betty and ,thomasin came in from ,chagford for the day yesterday at my invitation and ,i took them out to lunch and tea1 and we had a rare good time together4 ,they are very anxious for my release and complain that ,fernworthy ,view is very dull without me4 ,whether that be true or no1 all blessings be upon their sweet heads for saying so4 ,i have had letters from heaps of ,radcastrians who were in camp with me1 declaring that they find home very slow and boring after the ecstatic days in camp4 ,september #ae1 #aiaj ,i passed my exam4 all right at ,exeter and very glad ,i was to shake the dust of the barracks square from my feet and once more to get back to my beloved ,chagford4 ,willoughby is a ,wykehamist1 who is trying to get into ,the ,shop in ,november4 ,his mathematics are sound but his ,english is lamentable4 ,he seems to have read nothing except1 quaintly enough1 ,norwegian sagas3 he is always quoting ,burnt ,njal4 ,i find him excellent company3 and he has ravished the hearts of most of the girls who are staying here4 ,it is much gayer than it was when ,i was last here2 we have had three gorgeous dances4 ,i wish ,i did not feel such a fool at these shows4 ,radchester has unfitted me for all these society gatherings4 ,i feel abominably out of it2 it is so long since ,i used to dance regularly4 ,i get in a paralytic fear lest ,i should tread on my partners' toes4 ,i imagine that ,i am wooden1 gawky and stiff1 in spite of my partner's eulogies on my ease and lightness4 ,we play tennis1 golf and cricket a good deal and even got up some amateur theatricals1 in which ,i took the part of ,myngs in a ,pepys play4 ,these people are as different as possible from the north-country manufacturers4 ,none of them have much money1 but they all possess honoured names and an intense pride of birth3 ,cruwys1 ,polwhele1 ,chichester1 ,acland1 ,trefusis1 or ,champernowne4 ,i wish we boasted such names at ,radchester4 ,they are all exceedingly kind to me4 ,i feel thoroughly happy and at ease when ,i am gossiping with the villagers or running about on the moor with ,willoughby1 who is very slack about walking1 and always wants to hire a car2 he has heaps of money and is certainly lavish with it4 ,he flirts outrageously with all the girls he comes across1 but he is healthy and altogether lovable4 ,we work all the mornings and sometimes at night4 ,i don't think there is much doubt about his getting in4 ,he is beginning to take quite an interest in his ,english work and constantly bewails the fact that he never discovered at school what a delightful subject it is4 ,he is interested in all sides of life and like ,illingworth is afraid of nothing4 ,if he wants to get into conversation with any one he just does it1 whereas1 however much ,i wanted to1 ,i should always hold back through fear1 what of ,i don't quite know4 ,i have tried to set down on paper exactly how this country affects me1 but ,i cannot do it4 ,i envy ,eden ,phillpotts and ,trevena more than ,i can say4 ,i look for romance in the faces of the passers-by and try to weave stories about the villagers but they all fail to materialize4 ,i cannot make any of them live in my pages2 they are all dolls4 ,i haven't really been taught to observe properly4 ,willoughby comes back from a garden-party and can conjure up an exact picture of all the old frumps1 the parsons1 the retired civilians1 their lovely daughters 444 every one4 ,he knows the colour of their eyes and hair1 peculiarities of their hands and bodies1 the material of which their clothes are made1 together with their colour and shape4 ,i talk to a girl for an hour1 find her captivating1 come home1 essay to describe her and fail entirely4 ,i can't even remember whether she is dark or fair1 what sort of frock she wore1 what was the colour of her eyes1 or whether her features are regular or not4 ,i suppose ,i don't look at people enough4 ,i simply daren't4 ,i can't scrutinize3 ,i wish ,i could overcome this bashfulness4 ,all the time ,i keep on thinking what a fool all these people must imagine me to be4 ,but all the same there are one or two types here who interest me a good deal4 ,the captain of the cricket team is a retired colonel of an ,indian regiment1 an old ,m4,c4,c4 man who lives for the game and curses us roundly when we fail to come up to his expectations4 ,when we win he praises us extravagantly1 when we lose his language becomes positively ,oriental4 ,he never misses an opportunity of net-practice and requires us to be equally keen4 ,his one aim in life is to go through a season without losing a single match4 ,in ,august he always invites the most famous cricketers he knows to come and stay with him1 but they do not always come off on these tricky wickets and he gets much more furious with them if they fail than he does with us4 ,the doctor is another good type3 he is very handsome and beloved of every one4 ,he bears his honours lightly so long as every one gives in to him1 but he sulks like any two-year-old child if he is crossed in any way4 ,he likes to keep himself surrounded by pretty girls and as there is no dearth of them he has a good time4 ,one of the best points about ,chagford is the way in which every one collects at different houses without any special invitation4 ,i find that the ,chagford people have done me no end of good4 ,they've laughed me out of a good deal of my awkwardness4 ,though ,i am much slower at making friends than ,willoughby1 ,i have ceased to regard all mankind as hostile to me4 ,the parson here has become a great pal of mine4 ,he is young1 extraordinarily well-read1 athletic1 and madly keen about his work4 ,it is a treat1 by way of a change1 to leave the roysterers and sit smoking in his study and talk about books and education and social problems4 ,his life is full to the brim with that happiness which comes from service4 ,it seems to me an ideal existence to try to keep the vision splendid before the eyes of these moor-folk1 to comfort them in their distress4444 ,i have often thought of taking ,orders4 ,i don't quite know what keeps me back4 ,i can conceive no finer life than that led by the preacher4 ,of all men in history ,i think ,i should like to have been ,john ,wesley4 ,at home nothing delights me so much as taking my father's ,bible ,classes or preaching to his ,sunday afternoon congregations from the lectern4 ,i've read the ,thirty-nine ,articles again lately3 ,i don't like the thought of swearing my allegiance to them1 but there are heaps of parsons who do excellent work without regarding a great many of them4 ,i like visiting the cottagers and for the most part they seem to like me4 ,i know that at home they all expect me to go into the ,church1 as they call it1 in the end4 ,the difficulty is about the call4 ,is the ,church my vocation8 ,one thing ,i would not do and that is to take ,orders solely with a view to preferment at school4444 ,no1 ,i could not become a parson unless ,i felt a clear call and it is that call that ,i am so uncertain of4 ,i don't like separating myself from my fellow-men by wearing a sombre garb4 ,i believe that it is possible to fulfil one's life-mission quite as well by remaining among the laity4 ,certainly points of ecclesiastical etiquette give rise to no wild enthusiasms or hatred in my breast4 ,i was educated as a ,high ,churchman and ,i like incense and vestments1 good music and ritual1 but ,i am quite happy with the ,evangelicals4 ,i could never get so tempestuously wrathful about minor points of doctrine as that flamboyant1 truculent paper that represents the ,catholic ,anglican party does4 ,i attend ,wesleyan chapels and ,roman ,catholic churches and from all of them ,i derive some measure of comfort4 ,i have been reading the lessons in church here for the last few ,sundays4 ,willoughby always laughs at my church-going2 like most of the visitors he never enters a place of worship4 ,i see no reason why any man should unless he feels the need of it4 ,i do4 ,he doesn't1 and there's an end of it4 ,the psalms and collects and hymns uplift me and the sermons ,i look forward to more than anything in the week4 ,there is always some strain of philosophy in sermons which appeals to me4 ,i certainly dislike chapel at school1 solely because it is compulsory4 ,the sermons1 too1 there are curiously uneven4 ,most of the parsons on the staff are good1 conscientious ,christians1 but some are devoted to dogma and others to moral conduct1 and they tend to separate these two features of religion absolutely1 which ,i am certain is a mistake4 ,it is like our ,divinity lessons3 one has to test whether a boy has done his preparation by asking all sorts of silly questions1 while all the time one is longing to preach1 to point out the inspiration1 to expound the ,bible as a complete guide to life4 ,it is very difficult to reconcile the two4 ,my best ,divinity scholars are certainly my least reliable boys as regards ,christian practice4 ,i wish ,i knew where the solution lies4 ,i am tempted always to let the exact knowledge go and preach from a text whenever ,i go in to class4 ,the object of education is to fit a boy for life1 so that he may learn to conduct himself honourably and valiantly wherever he goes4 ,does our present system succeed in doing this8 ,if not1 it is a very serious shortcoming4 ,what we want is much more ,christian doctrine taught--it ought to pervade every lesson4 ,there is still far too great a tendency to regard ,sundays1 chapels1 and the ,divinity lessons as something quite outside the ordinary things of life3 boys are not made to perceive that their whole life is a religion and that where there is no religion there is no life1 and that to try to live according to one code of ethics on ,sundays and an entirely opposite one all the rest of the week is simply to kill either the spiritual or the material4 ,during these holidays ,i have devised several new schemes for next term3 ,i don't know how many of them ,i shall bring to fruition4 ,i've been reading a good many books on school life lately1 but they all seem to me to lack something1 ,i don't quite know what it is4 ,most novelists at one time or another try their hand at a ,public ,school novel--but ,i expect that the next generation will smile at our present efforts1 just as we do at ,eric1 or ,little by ,little4 ,h4 ,a4 ,vachell in ,the ,hill wrote a most readable novel and certainly portrayed that amazingly sentimental side that is really very prominent in the human boy4 ,he hates and loves whole-heartedly4 ,other men and boys become the whitest of heroes and the blackest of villains in his eyes4 ,but beyond this there was nothing of truth to life in what was an exceedingly successful book4 ,arnold ,lunn in his counterblast to this1 ,the ,harrovians1 dwelt too distinctly on the reverse side of the picture1 on the more drab side of life at school4 ,he is certainly truer in his descriptions but somehow he missed the soul3 ,the ,harrovians and ,the ,hill are both like ,academy pictures4 ,i don't know if the real ,public ,school novel will ever be written3 ,i don't quite know if it can4 ,in the first place1 to make it both readable and true1 you must take an exceptional boy like ,denis ,yorke in ,st4 ,john ,lucas's ,the ,first ,round1 or those immortal scamps in ,stalky and ,co4 ,the average boy's life is too humdrum to make material for a book3 of course a good journalist could make an excellent chapter out of an account of a house or school match4 ,most novelists are quite bad at this journeyman sort of writing4 ,modern writers are trying different tactics4 ,the popular way at present is to focus the reader's attention on ,common ,room4 ,boys are dull compared with men2 their conversations inept2 all the normal plots round which novels spin i4e4 love-making1 are out of place in a boy's life1 so clever ,hugh ,walpole in ,mr4 ,perrin and ,mr4 ,traill has approached nearer than any one else in presenting at once a readable1 exciting and true picture of a certain sort of school4 ,certainly there are men on the ,radchester staff who might have walked straight out of the pages of this remarkable novel4 ,anything truer than that sordid1 lurid picture of the petty jealousies that exist between grown man and man at a school has never been written4 ,but surely1 said the parson here to me the other night1 while we were discussing this1 no two cultivated men of the world would be at daggers drawn simply over a ridiculous umbrella4 ,that's just the hideousness of it all1 ,i replied4 ,men do behave in that incomprehensible way at schools4 ,they are like naughty children3 you'd never believe that they are graduates1 picked men1 both intellectually and physically4 ,you'd never believe how spiteful and inhuman men can be to one another until you've lived with them in a school4 ,i suppose we see too much of one another4 ,i cannot believe that all schools are like ,radchester1 but certainly ,hugh ,walpole must have suffered at one not unlike it4 ,i have had a great many talks about education with the parson while ,i have been here3 he is very keen on raising the age-limit to sixteen in elementary schools4 ,at present he says that the education they get is of no use to them4 ,there are heaps of boys and girls of eighteen and nineteen in ,chagford who can neither read nor write1 although they were taught to do both when they were children3 as soon as they go on to the farms they find that these accomplishments are not marketable1 and so they forget them in an incredibly short space of time4 ,apparently1 too1 the standard of morality in village life is deplorably low4 ,when the youths attend church it is1 only too frequently1 so that they may ogle the girls3 the church makes a good rendezvous4 ,neither drunkenness nor immorality have decreased with the spread of education1 nor are the people any more thrifty or ambitious4 ,the farmers are as ignorant as they were before the ,corn ,laws were repealed4 ,altogether he draws a lurid1 hopeless picture of the country yokel4 ,there must be at bottom a wonderfully fine instinct at the heart of every ,englishman for1 however bad the system of education may be1 and that it is bad from the highest to lowest ,i am becoming surer every day1 he still makes a good thing of life4 ,the ,public ,school product is a fine specimen of a man3 he is strictly honest in all his dealings1 he will never turn his back on a pal1 he is capable of handling men with sympathy1 he can adapt himself at short shrift to almost any circumstance3 if only he could be prevailed upon not to despise learning and beauty no other type of man could touch him4 ,i have lately been trying to understand more of foreign countries through their fiction1 particularly ,russia4 ,years ago ,i read and loved ,tolstoi's ,resurrection2 last week ,i tried to get through ,anna ,karenin and failed4 ,i can't explain quite why1 unless it is that ,dostoievsky has supplanted him in my estimation4 ,i never read any one in the least like ,dostoievsky4 ,i think ,the ,brothers ,karamazov is the greatest novel ,i ever read4 ,no man rises from it with exactly the same outlook on life which he had when he sat down to it4 ,dostoievsky seemed in that book to be on the point of discovering all that hurt and puzzled us about the world3 every now and then we seem to get a glimpse millions of years ahead into a timeless1 limitless space where truth and beauty at last prevail1 and misery and suffering are no more4 ,everything that he writes seems to turn on this word suffering4 ,light1 not salvation1 comes to man through his capacity to suffer4 ,the characters in ,the ,brothers ,karamazov are not human beings at all3 they are disembodied spirits with an amazing power of self-analysis3 this gloomy introspectiveness is the chief feature of all ,russian writing4 ,they seem to know so much more than we do about the actions of the human heart3 their sympathy with humanity is deeper than ours3 we are too apt to dismiss from our thoughts what we do not immediately understand--the more complex a man's character the more we shun him1 but the ,russian seeks to disintegrate it and account for his contradictory traits3 how ,iago must appeal to the ,russian mind4 ,they appear to be a nation of ,hamlets4 ,those that are not are ,lucifers4 ,i am not pleased with the ,german mind4 ,there is1 in their plays at any rate1 an awful playing with fire4 ,nietzsche paralyses me--this will to power would be frightful if it were ever given full play4 ,the present effect of their refined system of education seems to drive the flower of their youth to suicide4 ,english stupidity is better than ,german kultur if that is what love of learning leads to4 ,there must be some middle way4 ,it is a relief to turn to ,american fiction4 ,all the world seems to be passing through a stage of transition much as it did in the days of the ,romantic ,revival4 ,then all ,europe was bothered about the ,brotherhood of ,man and the ,return to ,nature2 nowadays we are casting off all the conventions of our fathers and pressing towards the rights of the individual to be a law unto himself4 ,in ,jean ,christophe ,romain ,rolland seems to be expressing on the ,continent what ,wells1 ,bennett1 ,j4 ,d4 ,beresford1 ,gilbert ,cannan and others are trying to express here1 that the young man of to-day is not content to accept religion1 or the codes of morality or conduct which his father believed in and acted upon4 ,the new age asks the right to discover a fresh religion for itself and to live according to the light of its own reason4 ,the hero of the modern novel1 if hero he can be called1 is feckless and unsteady3 like ,dostoievsky he is continually on the look-out for what is round the corner4 ,he prefers misery to happiness1 for out of intense misery and unhappiness he learns to harden himself1 in ,hugh ,walpole's words1 by this means alone can he come to real adequate manhood and subdue fear and hypocrisy4 ,the most outstanding characteristic of the new school of hero is his selfishness3 he thinks of no one but himself4 ,it does not matter very much that he should be unhappy3 he deserves to be and he almost seems to delight in being so1 but unfortunately he brings every one else with whom he comes into contact into a like state--his womenfolk1 his parents1 are left heart-broken while he continues on his wild way1 ,mazeppa-like1 riding rough-shod over old-established prejudices1 subverting the minds of the young1 overturning traditions and setting up new gods only to desert them in their turn4 ,i certainly prefer this new generation to the decadents of the nineties2 at least we are spared artificiality1 idle philandering1 and that delicate languor of lilies and harping on vice as a desirable thing4 ,our new heroes are never dirty-minded though they frequently perform rotten things4 ,if only they would not think so much they might be quite decent beings4 ,unfortunately all these supermen lack the one great essential of all true men1 they have no glimmer of humour in their composition4 ,they are so deadly in earnest to find out the meaning of life that they have no time to turn aside and browse in the pastures which ,aristophanes1 ,shakespeare1 ,charles ,lamb and ,dickens so enjoyed2 the comic spirit seems to be dead in us4 ,they leave jesting to the music-hall artiste--they have no room for laughter in their scheme of existence4 ,this is where the great ,american short-story writer scores so heavily4 ,he is incurably romantic and yet alive and alert3 he is interested in all humanity and like all sympathetic observers of erring mankind1 he can afford to laugh not at but with them at the absurdity of things4 ,i find in ,j4 ,m4 ,synge the best epitome of this age4 ,he has a superb intellect 7most of the young writers are prodigiously clever71 his style is clear1 simple1 forcible and exact1 and he tears up all our old ideas by the roots4 ,in ,the ,playboy of the ,western ,world he has offended his own people of ,ireland for all time4 ,they cannot understand the universality of the theme4 ,he did not write his play to show how excellent a thing it is to be a parricide1 though incidentally he does carry on the ,shavian idea that sons owe no duty to their parents--they did not ask to be born4 ,what he did set out to do was to show how the feckless1 unappreciated lout may realize that he has a soul1 and how easily he stands alone without love of women or any other sentimental prop when he has found it4 ,stanley ,houghton is another exponent of the twentieth-century philosophy4 ,hindle ,wakes merely shows that the new theories of life have spread not only to the other sex1 but to mill-girls and shop-girls4 ,fanny was willing to spend a week-end in the society of a man simply for enjoyment1 and refused to bind herself to him for the rest of her life just to satisfy an effete convention4 ,what she wanted and meant to have was freedom3 she was well able to take care of herself2 she was earning a good wage and had become self-supporting4 ,her parents might turn her out2 she was not1 on that account1 like the forsaken mistress of the nineties1 therefore bound to go on the streets4 ,she could live her life in her own way1 beholden to no man4 ,we are passing through grave and strenuous times and it is quite obvious that we shall have to adapt ourselves to new conditions3 new truths make ancient good uncouth4 ,we have come a long way from the sentimental1 the artificial1 the ,restoration attitude to life4 ,in the new age men and women are coming to work side by side1 are beginning to understand one another better and do not contemplate seductions or marriage whenever they meet4 ,what are our schools doing to prepare their pupils for this new world8 ,nothing at all so far as ,i can see4 ,masters do not trouble to read the very obvious signs in the sky4 ,at girls' schools ,i am told the same old methods of stringent secrecy about everything that matters are carried out4 ,the girl of to-day leaves school with an outlook on life formed on an incomplete acquaintance with the world of ,jane ,austen4 ,there has been no gradual unfolding of the new ideas--what an awakening lies before some of the wives of the next generation4 ,but boys are in no happier case4 ,they are being brought up to believe that they will go out into a world exactly similar to that in which their fathers lived4 ,theirs too will be a troublous time before they learn the lesson4 ,i don't quite see how the problem is to be tackled4 ,it is scarcely possible to give readings from all the modern novelists to schoolboys3 the outspokenness of this new writing is frightening even to adult minds4 ,what we want is more knowledge2 the zeal of the present day is for facts4 ,we want the truth at all costs3 we don't mind how much it hurts4 ,we are not like the men who have to create a ,god if there isn't one1 we are able to bear anything except shams and lies2 we recognize one aristocracy only1 the aristocracy of intellect and truth4 ,as an honest man ,i feel that ,i ought to resign my post at ,radchester after reading these moderns1 because ,i am paid to go on retailing hypocritical untruths to my boys4 ,having caught me out in one falsification they will be suspicious of me altogether4 ,i wonder how much ,illingworth and ,jefferies already look on me as a charlatan--but then1 according to my lights ,i was proclaiming my faith 444 and now1 well ,i find it hard to put down how ,i stand with regard to the new school of thought4 ,after all1 these men are all experimentalists1 they are in the position of men who are testing the scaffolding of a house3 they say our edifice is insecure1 that our props are rotten1 that the architects who built our house of life were jerry-builders1 but how do we know that these men are any better8 ,i am so afraid of offending the susceptibilities of one of my charges that ,i dare tell them nothing1 but on the other hand1 surely it were better for them to be guided now than to be flung without a guide into the maelstrom of conflicting public opinion when they leave school4 ,if only some of my colleagues had read these new writers it would be so much more helpful4 ,but all books since ,dickens and ,thackeray are taboo at school as new-fangled and hence ephemeral4 ,the attitude to life of the mid-,victorians is the attitude we ourselves are expected not only to adopt for ourselves but to teach4 ,no wonder we are looked upon as hopeless old fogies by our boys as soon as they leave us4 ,the old idea that fiction was written as ,fielding wrote it1 solely for our amusement and not at all for our instruction1 appears still to prevail pretty well everywhere1 so that even the most omnivorous readers here in ,chagford do not take the new men seriously2 they think that they are trying to shock and startle us but have no sort of propagandist theory at the back of their minds4 ,it is the same with the theatre4 ,people resent the thought that they might learn something of value by listening to a play3 they go to the theatre to be amused1 not to be preached at1 consequently they miss the point of quite half the plays they see4 ,they are very good lessons for every one except ourselves1 but we never need correction4 ,v ,october #a1 #aiaj ,i have joined the ,times ,book ,club4 ,i find that ,i cannot get along without a constant supply of new books4 ,i want to keep abreast of modern thought at all costs4 ,i don't see why1 because ,i am condemned to teach ,descartes and ,pythagoras1 ,i should deny myself ,henry ,james or ,bourget4 ,i find that standard works are not enough4 ,there are times when ,pope palls on me1 when ,dickens and ,thackeray ask to be given a rest4 ,at such times ,i want to read some of the new school1 the men who have broken away from the old traditions and carved out a new world4 ,perhaps if ,i were not in such a deadly fear of getting into a groove ,i should not pin my faith so largely to these very restless and rather morbid young men1 but a schoolmaster seems to be expected to stifle any growth that a nation might be showing signs of1 to prevent youth from essaying out of the beaten tracks into the many virgin jungles that surround life4 ,this term so far is going fairly smoothly4 ,we have a new ,german master who gets unmercifully ragged2 ,o',connor looks upon him with extreme suspicion4 ,he thinks that the ,german ,government have sent him here purposely to spy out this part of the country4 ,a more harmless fellow than ,koenig it would be hard to find4 ,o',connor really is a prodigious ass4 ,in the first place the man is very nervous3 he has no idea of keeping order4 ,boys have a habit of entering his classroom by the window2 they also burn bonfires in his waste-paper basket2 they bring mice into form and chase them all over the room2 they cheer when any boy gets good marks and hiss when any one fails to score4 ,altogether his sets derive a considerable amount of amusement from him and we in ,common ,room profess to be shocked but are in reality secretly pleased to think how infinitely superior we are to him4 ,nothing gives a man self-confidence so quickly as to see another one making a havoc of his job4 ,benson is also getting ragged1 not so much by the boys as by some of the younger members of the staff4 ,last term we started a club which meets nightly in his rooms and rouses the welkin with a succession of catches4 ,we drink whisky and consume vast quantities of fruit and cake1 while he plays to us on the piano or violin and we shout snatches from the latest musical comedy4 ,benson's forte lies in the subject of boys' smoking4 ,he is certain that boys use the music-rooms to smoke in4 ,to encourage him in this idea1 several of us have lately dropped cigarette ends in different parts of the building2 these he discovers1 picks up and treasures1 revealing them to us later4 ,he has a wonderful scheme 7which he thinks is his own but which in reality we have put him up to7 by which he means to catch the miscreants red-handed4 ,half of the club are to sit in darkness and silence in one room1 the other half in another3 we are all to listen until we hear the boys come in1 and at a given signal dash out upon them from two directions and so catch them4 ,jackson and ,i have been deputed by the others to dress up and do the smoking2 we are to get out of the window after smoking two or three cheap cigarettes one night and then be chased up and down the shore4 ,that is1 ,benson will do the chasing1 the others will slip back in the dark to consume whisky and wait for his return4 ,he will then be told and the sight of his face ought to be good to see4 ,october #bd1 #aiaj ,we have brought off the rag3 it didn't turn out as we expected4 ,both ,jackson and ,i elaborated the jest4 ,i was produced in a 7pretended7 faint1 covered with mud and bleeding at the nose1 after a supposed fight with one of the boys1 who in the end got away by pushing me into a pond4 ,i put so much realism into this that ,benson was quite concerned about me4 ,i felt an awful pig and so seriously did ,benson take it that we did not feel that we could let him know the truth of the matter4 ,i have been restless again of late and to cure myself have taken to going into ,scarborough and roaming round the streets at night4 ,i find this an excellent remedy4 ,i love watching crowds1 especially a seaside crowd4 ,they are so obviously out to enjoy life once work for the day is over4 ,they are hail-fellow-well-met with everybody4 ,i don't know why ,i get so fascinated with the life of the streets3 no one else at ,radchester ever thinks of any other strata of society than his own4 ,i want to probe the drama of life3 each lighted window conjures up some vision of domestic comedy or tragedy to me4 ,i want to know4 ,i want to play eavesdropper to whisperers in the dark3 ,i scent romance at every corner of the street4 ,partly ,i attribute this to reading ,o4 ,henry's short stories4 ,we live by habits1 but for adventure would seem to be the foundation of his belief about life4 ,the skirts of ,romance are always swishing past us2 we just hear faintly the sound of her tread1 we see dimly the sheen of her garments1 but we are so bolstered up and surrounded by convention that we dare not give chase1 much as we should like to4 ,so ,romance for us1 as ,o4 ,henry says1 comes to mean a mere matter of a marriage or two1 a few old letters1 and a ball programme stuffed away in a drawer--the memory of one scent-laden evening1 and for the rest1 our existence consists of a lifelong feud with a steam radiator4 ,i find that my boys love these ,american short stories1 with their quaint extravagances of language1 their three-fold surprise upon surprise1 their outspokenness and world-wide sympathies with every sort of man and woman1 from train-robber to shop-girl and man about town to murderer and convict4 ,i have been reading lately ,edmund ,holmes's book on ,what ,is and ,what ,might ,be4 ,he seems to express the ideals of education better than any one ,i have ever read3 yet no one on the staff does more than sneer or laugh at him as an idealist and an impracticable dreamer4 ,i like particularly his six instinctive desires of youth4 ,every child1 he says1 wants passionately 7#a7 to talk and listen1 7#b7 to act 7in the dramatic sense71 7#c7 to draw1 paint1 and model1 7#d7 to dance and sing1 7#e7 to know the why of things1 and 7#f7 to construct things4 ,to develop all these six instincts he declares is the true aim of all real education4 ,how little do we care how well or badly a boy talks1 reads1 acts1 sings1 reasons or constructs4 ,if we were to model ourselves on a right system we should pay as much attention to the development of a boy's sthetic as to his physical side4 ,as it is we distrust music1 painting1 acting and reading as effeminate and degrading4 ,we look on the cult of the beautiful as in some degree immoral3 ,o',connor's theory of ,spartan ugliness1 of working always in a room as bare as a barracks1 unrelieved by colours or comfortable surroundings1 is looked on as the ideal method of training youth4 ,subjects are taught just in so far as they are distasteful3 the fact that one can work hard at anything just because it is interesting is regarded as impossible4 ,if one begins to argue you are countered by the shibboleth of mental discipline1 which is supposed to be the final word on any topic of controversy4 ,if grammar grind provides a mental discipline1 grammar grind must therefore be invaluable1 quite apart from its utilitarian aspect4 ,consequently boys are taught many things which serve no useful purpose and lead nowhere simply because it is good for them to have to perform arduous1 pointless tasks without asking the why of them1 in direct contravention of ,mr4 ,holmes's theory4 ,the fact that beautiful natural surroundings connote that the mind also assimilates a beauty of demeanour is entirely lost sight of1 or flatly contradicted4 ,i should like to impose upon our leading educationists of the old regime one task which they would find distasteful--a very severe mental discipline and hence very good for them--,i mean a compulsory reading of ,mr4 ,holmes's book3 it would do them a world of good4 ,i find that my greatest joy in life these days is having boys to tea4 ,however much one may mix with them in games1 in hall1 in form1 in debating societies and elsewhere1 one somehow misses the personal relationship1 whereas at these tea-parties boys are altogether natural and throw off the protective mask they usually wear before masters4 ,i like to see them pottering about the room1 picking books from the shelves1 looking at photographs in albums1 arguing frenziedly among themselves quite regardless of me1 with unrestrained freedom of diction4 ,some of the younger ones of course simply regard my rooms as a refuge1 a place where it is possible to keep warm in front of a fire1 instead of having to sit on the hot-water pipes in the passages1 a tuck-shop where one doesn't have to pay and where bloods don't come and turn you out of the good seats4 ,but several who come solely for food stay frequently to talk and unburden themselves of their troubles4 ,it is then that ,i begin to think that after all there may be some chance of my doing good work as a schoolmaster4 ,i cannot rid myself of the feeling that most of my time here is wasted4 ,i cannot pretend that my mathematical teaching is really successful4 ,apparently good mathematical tutors are extremely rare3 all through the school the standard here is lamentable4 ,we keep on trying new methods and new textbooks1 but with very little result4 ,we can secure a dozen good classical scholarships at the ,university every year1 whereas one mathematical exhibition every three years is considered extremely good4 ,mathematics1 like ,english1 is better taught at the grammar and secondary schools than at the ,public ,schools4 ,i suppose they get more capable teachers at schools which are directly responsible to the ,board of ,education4 ,i cannot believe that the material they work with is better4 ,of course1 one reason why the secondary schools score so heavily in science and mathematical scholarships is because boys educated at these places know that they will have to depend entirely upon their own efforts to secure a living1 whereas the ,public ,school boy usually knows that if he fails entirely to make good there still remains some sinecure or other which he will be able to obtain through his family's influence4 ,this and the fact that he will be rich anyhow combine to make him careless about taking every advantage of improving his mind while he is at school4 ,to do any work which isn't definitely required is to call down upon a boy's head from his friends insult and abuse4 ,the principle of work for work's sake is unknown to them3 incentives of all sorts have to be provided1 the honour of the ,house1 the sporting tendencies of the master who takes them1 the possibility of a prize1 the fear of punishment1 any and every device is employed except the right one4 ,december #ba1 #aiaj ,i have had my fill of refereeing in ,house matches this term4 ,nothing is so calculated to bring one into bad odour with a ,house or with other members of ,common ,room4 ,i only do it because they never can get any one else4 ,one strives to be scrupulously fair1 and the result is that the whole game devolves into a series of whistles and free kicks4 ,the excitement of playing in a ,house match causes quite the majority of boys to forget that they are merely playing a game3 they try to do everything in their power to secure the advantage1 however alien to the spirit of the game4 ,they are told before they go on to the field that unless they lose their tempers and fight from the very beginning they will not do themselves justice1 which in itself is counsel of a most doubtful kind2 they certainly act up to instructions4 ,every decision the referee gives is construed as a direct piece of favouritism1 and conversation and argument run high on a doubtful try for weeks after the event4 ,another thing that ,i have come up against this term is the dignity of the prefects4 ,as one grows older one forgets the awe in which these mighty men are held by the school1 mighty1 that is1 if they have been elected for their physical prowess3 they are of no account if they are prefects merely because of their intellectual attainments4 ,i have been trying quietly to counteract this state of things by being peculiarly courteous and dignified in my treatment of the scholars and rather hail-fellow-well-met with the games bloods4 ,they are certainly obtuse1 but they quite quickly saw through this4 ,of course a games blood takes infinitely higher rank than any assistant master under thirty1 in fact than all of us except the ,house-masters3 he resents being patronized by such an upstart1 for instance1 as myself4 ,consequently1 by my action in this matter ,i have let myself in for a feud which may last for years4 ,i have deeply offended the real rulers of the school4 ,it came about owing to the fact that ,i have several prefects 7elected solely for their beefiness7 in my low mathematical sets4 ,they never do any work and altogether set a rotten example to the others4 ,of late ,i have been punishing these boys very heavily1 to the great astonishment of themselves and no little enjoyment of the other boys4 ,one of these giants complained to ,hallows1 his ,house-master1 who came to me in a towering rage and told me that ,i was subverting the whole of the ,public ,school tradition1 lowering the dignity of the prefects and--,heaven knows what besides4 ,how the blazes are these fellows going to keep order when the rest of the school see that a young new master can defy them at will and set them punishments which degrade them in the sight of their own fags8 ,wouldn't it be a good idea1 ,i replied1 if prefects were not elected until they had risen high enough in the school not to have 'fags' in their forms8 ,after all1 one of the reasons for coming to school is to work1 though we seem to do our best to gloss over that inconvenient fact4 ,i have had a series of visits lately from ,stapleton1 who was at ,oxford with me3 he has been appointed curate at ,todsdale1 an enormous mining town1 and the life there is nearly killing him4 ,the eternal squalor and dreariness of the life1 the pettiness of the routine at the ,clergy ,house1 the lack of any intellectual or sthetic interests all bid fair to send him out of his mind4 ,he usually comes over on a motor-bicycle on ,thursday afternoons1 and pours out all his troubles as we walk up and down the seashore3 he reads to me his sermons1 he gives me graphic accounts of the quarrels about ceremonial and duty that occur daily over meals in the ,clergy ,house1 of some of the hovels he has to visit1 of his opponents among the laity and so on4 ,he seems to be getting mixed up with some mill-girl in a way ,i can't quite understand3 it sounds as if her people were trying their hardest to secure him as a husband for their daughter3 perhaps they know that he has considerable private means1 for the average curate is not much of a catch in the eyes of the north-country factory worker3 he has no prospects4 ,i must say ,i admire ,stapleton's courage and devotion to duty in cutting himself off from the beauties of the south1 from all decent society1 and all chance of meeting a girl of his own status3 it must be a terrible life for him1 for his senses are not blunted4 ,he sits and mopes1 thinking over old days when he too lived in ,arcadia4 ,i don't think that ,i could ever settle down in the north4 ,i like the bustle and the sense of importance that possesses the money-makers in ,leeds1 but ,i object to the absence of sun1 of the sleepy happiness of the south2 the crude dialect1 rasping and hard1 seems typical of the people here4 ,they seem to have no time to devote to anything which does not actually increase their income1 they pride themselves on their parsimony and yet they are strangely inconsistent4 ,i have just got back from a ,house supper1 a quaint terminal affair held by the ,house which wins the ,senior ,athletic ,cup for the term3 how different these tame1 nervous affairs are from the full-blooded1 riotous orgies of ,oxford days4 ,it appears that it is necessary to get a man drunk before you can really put him at his ease at a big gathering4 ,the much-watered claret-cup which passes for strong drink at these school-shows is pitiable enough1 but it is typical of the spirit of the whole thing4 ,most of the principals concerned are in a state of pitiable terror because of the speeches which they are expected to make at the conclusion of the feast4 ,conversation is tedious and conducted in undertones2 there are frequent dead silences2 ,house-masters work unflaggingly to put people at their ease1 but every one feels conscious of his clothes and his neighbour's criticisms4 ,we are all afraid of saying the wrong thing or of omitting to praise some one who coached the team or played well3 every time some name is left out which ought to have been included1 some one asked to sing who breaks down1 some one to speak who only succeeds in stammering out platitudes4 ,and yet if there ever was a man calculated to put people at their ease1 it is the ,house-master in whose house ,i live4 ,heatherington is one of the finest men ,i have ever met3 he represents the high-water mark in schoolmasters4 ,he is an excellent scholar1 bred in the best traditions of ,eton and ,christ ,church1 of good family1 hard as nails physically1 a double ,blue1 a prominent mountaineer1 a born humorist1 well-to-do1 whose one great aim in life is to make and keep his ,house famous for sportsmen1 scholars and gentlemen4 ,he knows his boys through and through and makes friends with all of them3 every one in the place is devoted to him4 ,he belongs to no clique in the ,common ,room1 but preserves the best traditions of the ,englishman in his own life and in that of his boys4 ,yet even he cannot attain the unattainable3 he cannot make a ,house supper go4 ,the only people who enjoy themselves to the full are the fags3 they have no responsibility1 they simply eat and drink and applaud4 ,for the rest of us it is one long agony4 ,christmas1 #aiaj ,as usual ,i have come home for ,christmas3 as usual ,i miss ,radchester and my boys more than ,i can say4 ,there is nothing to do here except visit the villagers1 go for walks with my mother1 and write letters4 ,i like the villagers best at our ,christmas dances4 ,they are more natural then1 and sing and talk and play games and dance with utter abandon3 they no longer suspect one of ulterior1 hidden motives4 ,they extend the right hand of fellowship and we all give ourselves up to whole-hearted enjoyment4 ,they are all1 young and old1 content to be as children1 innocent and friendly1 actuated by no other motive than the giving and taking of pleasure4 ,would that they were always like this4 ,i have been getting up debates in the village institute this ,christmas1 and ,i have been surprised at the high level of intelligence displayed and the sincerity of the oratory of the few who speak4 ,they were diffident at first1 but soon warmed up as they got interested and we have always roused considerable warmth of feeling before we have finished the evening's entertainment4 ,what does distress me about village life is the education4 ,i am almost certain that no education at all would be better than the present half-and-half system4 ,to take away a boy or girl from school at thirteen or fourteen is criminal3 children at that age have just been trained to want to know--and they are then taken away and the labour of years all undone by being pushed into mills1 on to farms1 or behind counters1 where nothing but mechanical obedience and servility are required4 ,they forget to read1 they forget how to write1 they have no interest in the things of the mind4 ,it amazes me that they grow up at all with anything but animal instincts4 ,education in ,england1 so far as the majority of the children go1 is useless and will continue to be so until it is made compulsory that no boy or girl shall leave school before the age of sixteen or seventeen4 ,you can't do much with mindless louts of eighteen with one hour's ,bible lesson a week4 ,if any one disbelieves this1 let him try to coach a dozen villagers in amateur theatricals3 ,i've tried it and ,i know4 ,they are simply blocks of wood once you put them on a platform4 ,the average ,public ,school boy of fifteen is quite at home on the stage3 your yokel of any age is simply stiff and lifeless1 unable to be anybody but himself1 charcoal his face never so deeply4 ,january #ae1 #aiaa ,i have had a gay fortnight in the ,potteries1 staying with the ,pasleys4 ,young ,pasley is in ,heatherington's house and in my form2 his father is a tile manufacturer and fabulously wealthy4 ,i found the whole family lovable4 ,they live in a large house in the middle of grimy ,hanley4 ,they are real sons of the soil and proud of it4 ,the father and mother speak broad ,staffordshire1 the three girls and the two boys as the result of ,public ,school education are ultra-refined and are inclined to bully their parents1 who1 however1 hold the whip-hand4 ,they have high tea instead of dinner2 they sit down soberly in the evening to hear ,adela 7who is fresh home from ,dresden and is engaged to the local curate7 play the violin4 ,at ten ,mrs4 ,pasley rises with1 ,well1 lads1 it's time for bye-bye3 ,i'll be sayin' good neet to you1 ,mester4 ,they delight in showing me over the warehouses4 ,they love every inch of their hideous streets and proudly point out the excellence of their schools1 their public baths1 their shops and theatres2 every one knows every one else4 ,they almost bow the knee at the name of ,wedgwood1 they unaffectedly despise ,london4 ,they know that the hub of the universe is to be found in the ,five ,towns4 ,the exact income of every visitor to the house is known and talked about almost to the exclusion of every other topic4 ,they read nothing at all2 they genially regard me as a fool for wasting my brains at school-teaching1 as they call it1 but they are genial and hospitable4 ,looking back on it1 my visit seems to have been a long succession of feeding fowls1 dancing1 shopping1 and looking at priceless china in the making4 ,i had one or two long talks with father ,pasley on the subject of ,public ,school education3 he is not quite certain that he is getting his money's worth at ,radchester4 ,that lad of mine is not squeezing all he might out of yon school3 ,i don't like throwing a hundred and twenty quid a year into the sea4 ,you've got antique methods of learning a lad mathematics at your place1 ,mester1 and ,i don't hold with ignorance2 classics and such fal-lals is all right for parsons and the likes of you1 but my lad's not going to be a parson nor a school-teacher neether3 he's going into t' business and he knows it3 he's going to have to earn his brass1 same as ,i did mine4 ,i don't believe in a lad being brought up soft with the notion as 'ow he's going to have a mint o' money at his fingers' ends to play the fool with4 ,pasley and ,son's a firm as wants men as 'ev got some grit to 'em3 ,i sends my boy to school to get grit--learn 'im that1 ,mester1 and let the rest go4 ,,vi ,march #c1 #aiaa ,these ,easter terms1 short as they are1 are a big strain on the nervous system3 no sooner do we get back to work than some luckless youth spreads measles1 chicken-pox1 scarlet fever or some other malady through the school1 and we have to teach depleted forms1 drill depleted companies and play ,house games with half our side away4 ,i find that my favourite illness is influenza4 ,i usually manage to keep a sort of running cold all through the winter months1 which develops periodically into that vile sickness2 it is then that ,i get pessimistic4 ,i feel intolerably lonely and uncomfortable1 and sigh for the sunny south and warmth and cosy fires and more humane companionship4 ,the doctor here is a dear1 but rather rough and ready in his methods4 ,he hasn't the time to waste his hours on individual cases1 neither is he exactly an expert4 ,it is dreadful to lie in bed and hear the tramp of feet down the cloisters1 the bells ringing for chapel1 hall and school and not be in it4 ,one is forgotten almost at once by every one4 ,people simply haven't the time to sit at a bedside even if they wanted to1 and ,i long for conversation and a cheery laugh on these occasions4 ,school is all right so long as one keeps fit1 but once fall out of the race and it is a veritable hell4 ,my last bout of flu has left my nerves in a thoroughly disordered condition3 ,i feel almost suicidal at times4 ,i get very restless4 ,i long to create in writing3 of late ,i have been trying1 without any great success1 in all sorts of directions1 verse1 short stories1 plays1 articles--even a novel4 ,everything ,i submit to publishers comes back after ,i have endured agonies of anticipation in waiting4 ,something is wrong4 ,yet ,i feel convinced that ,i have it in me to write4 ,i can only let myself go in this diary3 here ,i don't have to think of publishers or editors4 ,i write just to please myself4 ,that is what so delights me in reading ,pepys4 ,he just rattles on with no thought of an audience1 absolutely unselfconscious4 ,i look on this diary as a secret companion to whom ,i can confide all my troubles and joys3 my hatred of ,hallows1 my love for the boys1 my theories on education1 the good days of the holidays1 books ,i have read--anything and everything that interests me4 ,i am quietly amassing a library4 ,i only wish that ,i could rely on borrowers to return the books ,i lend them4 ,it is not the slightest good my going into form and advising boys to read ,lamb and ,browning and ,dickens and ,thackeray unless ,i can provide the books for them4 ,the ,house libraries are under-equipped1 the school library is only accessible to the ,sixth ,form4 ,but boys have no consciences in the matter of returning books3 they prefer to cut the fly-leaf out and substitute their own names in some cases6 ,still my job is to instil a love for the old and new masters of literature by whatever means1 and to do this ,i suppose ,i must not grudge an impoverished library4 ,one thing that annoys me is the fact that ,i cannot share all my treasures with the boys4 ,most modern writing is too strong wine for adolescents4 ,i wish ,common ,room did not also imagine that it is too strong meat for their innocent minds4 ,it seems to me that the man who refuses to try to keep abreast of all the modern thought has no right to be a schoolmaster at all4 ,what in the world is the use of living solely on a diet of the ,times and the ,spectator8 ,i advocated the ,new ,statesman for the reading-room and was promptly howled down4 ,apparently the idea that a man can look on both sides of a question is looked on here as preposterous4 ,what the ,spectator says is looked upon as a final judgment in all things4 ,the middle articles of that quite estimable paper are read aloud as examples of perfect modern ,english style to boys in the top forms1 and they are incited to ape it assiduously4 ,occasionally1 on ,sunday mornings1 a progressive young master will read a little ,in ,memoriam or ,a ,death in the ,desert to his form as a variant to ordinary ,divinity1 but he does so tremblingly lest authority should hear of it and rebuke him4 ,one of our men preaching last ,sunday even ventured to read an extract from ,romola1 in the pulpit1 but apologized profoundly for so doing and damned poor ,george ,eliot with faint praise by saying1 ,she was not a bad woman4 ,there have been a number of feuds in ,common ,room lately which have reminded me of the umbrella episode in ,mr4 ,perrin and ,mr4 ,traill4 ,young ,rowntree who joined us this term has a brother in the army who happens to be stationed close by3 he had him over to dinner one night last week and brought in some fizz to liven things up a bit4 ,he sits1 of course1 at the bottom of the junior table1 not very far from me4 ,not wishing to appear niggardly to the rest of us he brought in three bottles in order to pass them round to those who sat near him4 ,we had a quite riotous orgie and for the first time since ,i have been at ,radchester the junior table quite drowned the senior both in laughter and conversation4 ,it really was funny to watch the white drawn faces of the water drinkers of the top table1 with the one syphon of seltzer as relief1 while we1 upstarts of a new age1 were regaling ourselves with ,pommery4 ,there was a fearful row about it afterwards4 ,rowntree was written to by half the staff 7who had not tasted the champagne7 about the etiquette with regard to visitors4 ,it was only by courtesy of the senior members that junior masters were allowed to invite visitors at all3 it was taken for granted that if such a privilege were extended juniors would not abuse it by drinking anything but water4 ,there was a battle royal4 ,rowntree is young enough not to give in without a struggle3 during the last week he has taken in a bottle of some sort to dinner every night4 ,he is the kind of man who won't be kept longer than a term4 ,he rags his form and incites them to rag him and everybody else4 ,he refuses to take ,radchester seriously3 he walks across the prefect's lawn 7an unpardonable offence for a master71 he walks about arm-in-arm with the boys in his form if he likes them2 he swears quite openly and fluently in ,common ,room1 he takes away the papers so that he can read them comfortably in his own room and forgets to return them1 he even smokes cigars in the masters' reading-room4 ,the old men can do nothing with him3 he is impervious to black looks and misunderstands rebukes4 ,he cuts every other chapel and usually forgets to take prep4 or roll4 ,on halves he always goes away1 sometimes as far afield as ,leeds or ,york on his motor-bicycle1 and does not arrive home till two or three the next morning4 ,he wears bright ties1 silk socks1 soft collars1 and very well-fitting light clothes1 totally regardless of the convention which demands black from boy and master alike4 ,he is a very disturbing factor in ,common ,room and every one is moving ,heaven and ,earth to have him sacked4 ,what worries me about him is his ability3 he writes with considerable success4 ,he confessed to me one day that he only meant to stay one term3 ,i want copy for a novel ,i have in my mind--these old fossils with their moth-eaten1 stereotyped conservatism give me a grand field4 ,i guess this is just the best ,public ,school in the country for my purpose1 but my hat1 ,i shouldn't care to have to stick at it for a year4 ,it's funny to think that you all were alive once as undergraduates4 ,he read a chapter or two of his book to me the other day3 he's got the spirit of the place exactly4 ,i wish ,i had his gift4 ,he sees everything and has the power of sifting his evidence with wonderful accuracy3 he misses nothing4 ,since he came ,i have given up my ,sunday walks with ,renton1 who talks of nothing but dyspepsia and his own powers of teaching1 and have accompanied ,rowntree on some of his excursions on his motor-bicycle4 ,we lunch in ,scarborough and get into conversation with week-enders4 ,rowntree looks on all humanity as copy1 and is without any sense of modesty4 ,he picks up loungers in hotel bars1 girls behind counters1 girls on the pier1 tramps1 hotel porters1 nuts in the hotel lounge and all sorts of unexpected people4 ,he always gets some fantastic story out of them3 he is as good a story-teller as ,george ,borrow and just as great a liar4 ,his imagination combined with his experience make him a rare raconteur4 ,he doesn't buy many books1 but he is not averse from borrowing mine4 ,i only regret that ,i can never get them back2 he is quite shameless in the matter of purloining literature3 he takes books out of the school library without entering them and soon begins to think that they really belong to him4 ,he reminds me a good deal of a boy called ,senhouse who is also unable to bow the knee in the house of ,rimmon2 he conforms to none of the school regulations and how he has escaped expulsion up to now beats me4 ,at present he is raising for himself untold trouble by making friends with a small boy called ,gillman in ,hallows' house4 ,he is desperately fond of this child1 and waxes quite sentimental over him to me4 ,there is no harm in either of them1 and they are as open as the day in their relations with one another3 they wait for each other after chapel1 hall1 and school4 ,they go for long walks together1 they contrive to sit together at school lectures and in prep4 ,hallows and ,heatherington have each lectured both of them1 and ,hallows has caned ,gillman frequently1 but they refuse to give up the friendship4444 ,common ,room is as usual in a frenzy over it and ,i have been reported to the ,head ,master for aiding and abetting them in their scandalous defiance of rules by having them to tea together in my rooms4 ,in my defence ,i mentioned that boys came and went just as they pleased in my rooms and that ,i couldn't very well prohibit any one of them at any special time4 ,i also pointed out that ,i failed to see where the harm lay in this particular case of ,damon and ,pythias1 that such a friendship might well be the saving of ,senhouse1 who is naturally inclined to be wild and restless4 ,like ,rowntree1 he has a habit of cutting chapel1 prep41 school1 games1 and everything that is compulsory1 whenever he feels like it4 ,he always takes his punishments without a murmur1 but he likes to feel that he can escape from the routine when it bears on him too harshly3 there is no speck of harm in his composition1 any more than there is in ,rowntree1 but no one here could ever understand the point of view of either of them4 ,meanwhile the storm rages and ,gillman and ,senhouse continue to meet1 while ,hallows grinds his teeth in impotent anger4 ,all the same the iron system will prevail in the end1 routine always has the last word3 they will both be expelled for continued disobedience of school rules1 though nothing criminal can be proved against them4 ,a boy's love for another boy is a pretty strong thing3 it can withstand ridicule1 punishment1 and any weapon that authority can bring to bear against it in the case of such a faithful pair as these two4 ,i cannot see what useful purpose can be served by these iron rules1 which allow of no exceptions2 that1 normally speaking1 it is better for boys not to make friends outside their own ,houses1 and not to encourage friendships in which there is any disparity of age is perhaps open to question1 but at any rate strong arguments can be adduced in support of it--but when it comes to a piece of wanton cruelty like this1 the whole business becomes silly4 ,i have aired this opinion in ,common ,room to the no little indignation of all the staff4 ,it is a relief to get back to the seclusion of my room and my books after all the riots1 alarums and excursions of these school rows4 ,i wish we could learn to pull together instead of squabbling like a pack of gutter children4 ,i suppose ,i ought to keep quiet myself if ,i wished this consummation so devoutly1 but ,i cannot stand by and see all my ideals smashed without remonstrating4 ,it is a mistake to herd thirty or forty men together for meals and companionship for three months on end3 we ought to have our lives sweetened by marriage4 ,yet ,i suppose that married life would take off the edge of our keenness for our work3 we should have domestic interests which would prevent us from devoting ourselves whole-heartedly to our work4 ,sometimes ,i find myself dreaming and pining for the life-companionship of some girl who would understand me and soothe my ruffled senses after a ,common ,room fight4 ,yet ,i suppose marriage fetters one3 the married man is bound hand and foot1 and can no longer set out on great adventures4 ,he has given hostages to fortune and must be content to play for safety for the rest of his life4 ,i can't see myself doing that4 ,i want to be free as the air1 free to play games1 free to say what ,i like and risk being sacked if ,i offend4 ,yet ,i wonder sometimes1 like ,charles ,lamb1 what my children would be like4 ,it would be splendid to perpetuate my name1 to see another generation carrying on the work ,i have begun4 ,there are so many changes to be wrought in education4 ,we live in an age of pioneers3 we are no longer content merely to accept the traditions of our fathers4 ,we want to better their methods and results3 we learn by the mistakes of our forbears4 ,the ,head ,master hates this view4 ,his idea is that only through experience can a man really teach1 therefore we should accept the tenets which our elders hold and abide faithfully by them4 ,april #c1 #aiaa ,i have been of late reading numbers of books on education4 ,the days of ,thring and ,arnold are over2 instead of two textbooks on the theory1 there are now two hundred or two thousand4 ,every day sees some new thesis appear hot from the press4 ,people are beginning to take an interest in what is1 after all1 the most important department in the ,state4 ,in all of these books ,i find the same points raised4 ,as at present practised1 education does not teach the younger generation to love the beautiful or the intellectual3 without such a love all education is worth nothing4 ,how to attain these affections is the next question4 ,one man advocates the abolition of examinations1 another the substitution of any method rather than that of rewards and punishments1 another sees salvation in the teaching of ,english literature1 geography and history1 to the exclusion of the classics1 and the cutting down of mathematics--but somehow ,i can't make much of these books on theory4 ,i make marginal notes1 underline passages1 copy out good advice and ,i try to put what ,i believe to be practicable into practice1 but on the whole ,i am left somewhat cold4 ,i am on the search for a rich mine and1 although ,i often feel that ,i am near it1 ,i never quite succeed in doing more than unearthing one precious morsel of ore4 ,in some ways the ,head ,master was right when he told me to read no books on education4 ,he was right because ,i find nothing really new there4 ,i am told to foster a boy's imagination3 ,i spend all my time in trying to do this1 and should do so even if ,i had read nothing whatever about education4 ,only on ,sunday nights1 after a peculiarly good sermon and inspiring hymns1 can one at all reach the mood in which it is possible to discuss quite openly with boys exactly what education means to you and ought to mean to them4 ,instead of rushing out of chapel and fighting for places at the sideboard in ,common ,room over the chicken and salmon1 ,i go to my rooms and talk quietly to such boys as can get leave to come then4 ,most ,house-masters refuse to let their boys come to my rooms at all during lock-up4 ,they think my influence is quite definitely pernicious and immoral4 ,in other words ,i try to develop the imagination4 ,i have made friends during the last two or three weeks with ,copplestone1 who is a ,house-master of a very religious turn of mind4 ,he dislikes corporal punishment and is hence looked upon as anmic both by his boys and his colleagues4 ,he reads 7quaintly enough7 nothing but ,arnold ,bennett4 ,i go up to his rooms and talk by the hour about ,the ,old ,wives' ,tale1 ,clayhanger1 and ,hilda ,lessways3 he is rather a pitiable sort of man3 he feels that he owes his allegiance to the old school1 and yet he feels that we represent the humanitarian side of education4 ,he is like ,sir ,thomas ,more1 torn between his reason and emotion3 like ,sir ,thomas ,more he is going to suffer for his ill-timed birth4 ,had he been born ten years earlier he would have been a whole-hearted upholder of l'ancien rgime4 ,had he been born ten years later he would have been one of us and not cared a rap about the old men or tradition4 ,his only course is to resign and become a village priest3 he would be admirable with old ladies1 and the younger members of his congregation would approve of him because of his love for ,arnold ,bennett4 ,here he behaves like ,shelley's mother1 alternately petting and spoiling his boys1 punishing them out of all proportion to their offence at one moment1 only to let them off and feed them extravagantly the next4 ,the result is that no boy can tell what he is going to do4 ,he is quite unreliable3 he allows himself to be hopelessly ragged for two days and then flares up and half kills a quite inoffensive youngster who happens to cough4 ,i feel really sorry for him1 for no one cares for him4 ,he has successfully fallen between two stools and become despised by both the great opposing forces on the staff4 ,he is neither new nor old1 hot nor cold1 and exactly fulfils that horrible prophecy of ,ezekiel about being spewed out of the mouth of all parties4 ,thank ,heaven this term is over4 ,i haven't learnt much more about my job3 ,i have had some illusions shattered3 ,i have luckily made a few more friends1 but boys are queer--one is apt to offend them without in the least knowing why4 ,i shouldn't care to spend my time1 like ,smithson1 who lives for nothing but to curry favour with every boy he meets3 he's as bad as the type of boy who always sucks up to masters1 the very worst sort of creature4 ,smithson treats them all lavishly3 he makes fun of the weaklings and the unpopular1 he toadies to the prefects and generally makes a damned fool of himself4 ,he doesn't see1 poor devil1 that popularity1 like ,fortune1 is a fickle jade1 and only pursues those who take no notice of her at all4 ,good ,god6 ,fancy becoming a schoolmaster in order to be popular6 ,may #d1 #aiaa ,this has been one of the best ,easter holidays ,i can remember4 ,stapleton managed to get a month's sick leave from his curacy and we set off for ,oxford and the ,cotswolds1 to try to regain something of the irresponsible gaiety of ,oxford days4 ,i had no idea how hateful the country round ,radchester was until ,i got back to the ,city of ,spires4 ,it seemed impossible to believe that only two years ago ,i had still to take my ,finals1 that ,i was disporting myself on the upper river and the ,cher1 lazily enjoying all the sweets of life and now--well1 ,i felt about a hundred years old at the end of last term4 ,there was no beauty or interest anywhere or in anything1 and then ,stapleton wired for me--and since then life has been one all too short ecstasy4 ,we stayed in ,oxford just long enough to buy tobacco1 a few books and some clothes1 and then set out on foot to go over again some of the country we had learnt to love so well as undergraduates4 ,rucksacks on back1 we climbed ,cumnor ,hill on a glorious spring morning and made our way down to ,bablock ,hythe and then kept along by the river for the rest of the day3 we strolled languidly and talked rabidly about our scholastic and church experiences1 our disappointments and successes4 ,the air cleared our minds3 we evolved great schemes of new schools and new religions1 undefiled by effete traditions4 ,gradually the beauty of the meadows and the old-world villages made us forget our worries and we gave ourselves up to the enjoyment of the time4 ,we travelled without map or guide and just wandered at will4 ,when we saw an inn that we liked we stayed there1 and ate and drank ourselves drowsy4 ,at night-time1 when the bar-parlours were closed and we had reluctantly to say good night to the labourers who came in and gave their views on world-politics1 we used to read for a little1 and then to a ten hours' sleep4 ,i had taken the ,note ,books of ,samuel ,butler as my pocket companion for this journey1 and ,i never took a book which served its purpose so well4 ,in compact paragraphs the philosopher sums up with amazing shrewdness1 humour and insight into the human mind all that he discovered to be interesting or worth repeating4 ,the ,note ,books are crammed with the cream of his thinking on every sort of subject1 science1 music1 literature1 religion1 architecture1 sheep-farming1 authorship--everything that could possibly appeal to any thinking man4 ,it is an invaluable book to argue about4 ,butler at least clears the brain more than any writer except ,swift4 ,he scatters pedagogy and all cant and humbug to the winds3 just as the air of the ,cotswolds scatters all thoughts of ,radchester from one's mind1 so does ,samuel ,butler fill it with new ideas and fresh weapons of thought4 ,stapleton and ,i kept on discovering old ,tudor houses with moats1 and churches containing carved screens and tombs of ,crusading ,knights4 ,we stayed for three days at an old mill at ,tredington on the ,fosse ,way1 miles from any town or station1 and there heard the farmers sing all the old ,gloucestershire folk-songs in the ,wheatsheaf ,inn4 ,this has been a wonderful holiday for me4 ,i wonder how many men become schoolmasters simply in order to be able to have such good holidays4 ,it is a great temptation to a man who cares nothing for education3 he can submit to the routine all the better if he is indifferent and has no ideals4 ,all he has to do is to sit tight for three months at a time2 he is certainly not bound to exert himself very severely by the letter of his contract4 ,then come these golden weeks of lovely spring when he may disport himself as ,stapleton and ,i have done1 prying into unknown nooks and crannies of medival ,england1 lazily wandering by hedgerow and riverside1 gossiping over gates to farmers1 reading to his heart's content on sunny beach or secluded meadow by day1 or in the ingle-nook by night4 ,he has no cares1 no worries3 his salary will pay for all these jaunts so long as he steers clear of ,london and big hotels4 ,if the truth were told1 ,i think that the reason why a number of men enter the profession is no more than the lure of possessing freedom for a quarter of their lives4 ,i wonder if this is how old ,jumbo ,stockton became a master4 ,he is a most lovable fellow and quite content with life4 ,he is associated with none of the school activities2 he plays no games except golf2 he is not in the corps 7very few members of ,common ,room are72 he never entertains boys in his rooms2 he does very little work and is always ready for a chat or a walk at any hour of the day or night4 ,he just purrs contentedly like a cat and rambles on about ,vacs4 that he has spent in the ,ardennes or the ,pyrenees1 yachting round the coast of ,scotland or caravaning in the ,new ,forest4 ,his one business in life seems to be the holidays2 his rooms are filled with ,baedekers1 ,highways and ,byways1 and guides to every place under the sun4 ,of educational reform or ideals1 in other words1 of shop he never talks4 ,most of us talk of nothing else4 ,common ,room conversation gets dreadfully oppressive at times owing to the continued debates about rules and the characters of endless boys4 ,stockton never enters into these controversies1 consequently he is never at daggers drawn with any of us4 ,we all affect to despise him1 but secretly we are rather envious of his detachment4 ,he seems quite popular with the boys1 he finds that it pays to adopt a strict demeanour2 his work is never shirked and he rarely has to punish any one4 ,i sometimes wonder whether he does not feel a sudden pang when one of his old associates at ,oxford comes to the front after years of struggling at the ,bar1 in politics1 or the ,church1 and leaves him behind in the race of life4 ,yet ,i have never met a more contented man4 ,he doesn't regard teaching as anything but a sinecure3 his main occupation in life is travel4 ,he is rather like a city clerk who goes up to his office every day solely in order to earn enough to take a holiday4 ,the difference lies in the fact that ,stockton gets his reward three times a year1 the clerk only once2 the master gets three months1 the clerk 7with luck7 three weeks4 ,i suppose that ,i may regard myself as exactly the opposite of ,stockton in every way4 ,i live for my work3 he lives for his holidays4 ,when the term is over ,i love to get away principally because ,radchester would be intolerable once the boys were gone1 secondly because ,i want to fill myself up with new ideas1 to develop my theory that the cult of beauty and imagination is the whole duty of the schoolmaster4 ,i rarely forget the school in the holidays4 ,all the time that ,i am exploring new scenes ,i am storing up memories which ,i hope to use in my work4 ,all my talks with ,stapleton during these last few weeks have been so much sifting of matter which ,i want to get clear before ,i start on a new term4 ,the difficulty is that so few of the men in ,common ,room think it necessary to do more than prepare the textbooks they propose to read with their forms1 while ,i read up all ,i can on social problems4 ,i strive to discover new methods of interesting boys in the conditions of life outside school4 ,in so doing ,i am frequently attacked on the ground that ,i am making them restless and dissatisfied with their narrow round at school4 ,i am not certain that restlessness is a thing to be condemned3 unless you are discontented with abuses you will never stir a finger to reform them1 and unless a boy leaves school firmly convinced that it is his duty to leave the world better than he found it1 education means nothing4 ,stapleton has gone back to work reinvigorated1 fully determined to bear with the many thorns in his flesh1 in the shape of irritating curates1 the dead weight of indifference to religion1 morality1 or high ideals in the bulk of his parishioners1 with notes for a dozen sermons in his head1 and a healthy conviction that in spite of temporary setbacks the world really is progressing4 ,i return to ,radchester determined to alter for the better the code of morality of the school1 to make boys see that work is not a disgraceful thing to be avoided whenever possible1 but the only means by which any one can equip himself to fight the battle of life3 ,i return determined to live at peace with my colleagues so far as it is possible1 to be more sociable and less critical1 to dwell more insistently upon the things that matter1 and to try to wean away my boys from spending themselves upon unworthy objects1 to foster a love for all that is pure and good and holy and to appreciate the millions of manifestations of ,beauty that nature displays even at ,radchester for our spiritual delectation4 ,,vii ,june #d1 #aiaa ,we've been back a month and many things have happened since ,i last wrote in my diary4 ,in the first place ,marshall has gone4 ,i am much too near the event to be able to judge of it sanely and ,i can't write of it at length4 ,he was always antagonistic to me4 ,i can't say ,i liked him but ,i tried never to show my aversion4 ,he was repulsive in every way1 but his sermons were good3 he was a good disciplinarian and teacher4 ,boys in his form were at any rate thoroughly taught4 ,in mine they fail because ,i always attempt too much4 ,i envied him his gifts a good deal4 ,the reason of my quarrel with him was ,daventry4 ,daventry is in his ,house and in my form and is the most astonishing youth ,i have yet come across4 ,he has a fertile brain and his sole object in life is to do every one down3 he will probably end in prison or ,park ,lane4 ,he is quite unscrupulous 7,i have already found him rummaging among my letters and this diary to find out things about masters and boys73 he finds me useful just at present1 because he can sponge on me for food and books3 he reads and eats omnivorously4 ,he has decided gifts and is safe for a good scholarship at ,oxford unless he gets sacked first1 which is exceedingly likely4 ,somehow he has the trick of getting out of all the scrapes he finds himself in3 he has the power of making people believe him1 even after he has deceived them before4 ,he haunts my rooms night and day4 ,marshall resented this and forbade him to come except on business4 ,he immediately invented business by writing verses and essays1 which he produced for my inspection at the rate of about two a day4 ,after all it hurt me to be told by ,marshall that my influence on the boy was bad4 ,i am afraid ,daventry is bad through and through1 but ,i'm going to make a big effort to cast out the devils in him before he leaves4 ,there are signs of grace certainly3 he is very emotional and is passionately fond of reading and music4 ,i have lately bought a gramophone1 and any records that he wants to hear ,i buy for him at once2 consequently1 ,i find him in my rooms when ,i come in from games with a rapt expression on his face1 having spent the entire afternoon by himself1 giving himself up to the joy of hearing good music4 ,he cuts games with impunity--if there is any likelihood of trouble he forges a leave2 he is disconcertingly open with me in these things4 ,having put me in a difficult position by relying on me not to give him away1 he divulges one scheme after another for outwitting authority4 ,that he needs very careful handling ,i naturally see1 but why ,marshall should have taken it for granted that ,i only do the boy harm ,i don't know4 ,anyway1 ,marshall did his best to prevent my seeing ,daventry at all4 ,that naturally only piqued the boy to try to circumvent him in every possible way4 ,things came to such a pass that ,i had to let ,marshall know that he was driving the boy to extremities which he might regret4 ,it was rather silly of me4 ,he rated me loudly before all ,common ,room for interfering in another man's business4 ,he then launched into a diatribe against the uppishness and infallibility of the junior masters1 and declared that the school was quickly being ruined by the new blood4 ,he ranted at some length and for a wonder ,i kept silent and listened to it all without comment4 ,and now this awful thing has happened4 ,daventry kept away from me when ,i told him that there was no other course open4 ,he went about threatening vengeance on ,marshall1 and even started writing to me by post4 ,he was badly hipped at being deprived of music and books and food4 ,i don't believe he cares a tuppenny curse about me4444 ,then came that never-to-be-forgotten ,sunday morning when ,i found him in my rooms after breakfast with a small1 untidy fag in tow4 ,they both looked as though they had been condemned to the guillotine4 ,hello1 ,daventry1 ,i began1 what on earth are you doing here8 ,don't you know---- ,he cut me short4 ,erskine has something very important to say to you1 sir1 he broke in1 in a voice ,i scarcely recognized as his4 ,all right2 fire away1 my son1 ,i replied4 ,get it off your chest1 whatever it is--all the same ,i don't quite see what ,daventry is doing4 ,he--he made me come1 sir1 said ,erskine4 ,he then told his story4 ,it was so revolting that ,i first refused to believe it2 ,i thought it was some damnable scheme of ,daventry's1 got up to ruin his ,house-master--,i nearly kicked both of them downstairs without hearing them to a finish4 ,instead of which ,i went straight to the ,head and took them with me4 ,marshall went on ,tuesday4 ,every one believes that he is seriously ill3 after this term they will give out that he has retired4 ,i have lately wondered whether ,i ought not to have gone to see him and told him that ,i knew3 couldn't it have been possible to keep him on at his post8 ,never again shall ,i move a finger towards the undoing of any man1 however much an enemy of mine he may be4 ,all ,marshall's interest in life was bound up in ,radchester4 ,i am daily assaulted by fears lest he should commit suicide3 his blood will be on my head if he does4 ,expulsion is no cure either in man or boy4 ,it's a frightful confession of our own weakness4 ,it's our fault that ,marshall went wrong3 ,common ,room ought to have sweetened his life so that such malpractices would have been impossible to him2 instead of that the ugliness and pettiness of the life he led there1 the miserable lack of real friendliness all combined to undo him4 ,there are men here who can extract sweetness from their life4 ,what could be finer than the devotion of ,patterson to ,northcote8 ,both these men have been on the staff for years4 ,neither would accept any job1 however lucrative1 unless he could take the other with him4 ,they live in each other's pockets3 they are as close as man and wife3 their friendship is strong enough to survive any momentary difference of opinion4 ,they discuss their methods of education1 the boys they take1 the games they play1 the books they read--everything together4 ,they spend all their holidays in each other's company and it is impossible to know the one without the other4 ,neither of them would be capable of a mean action--they are a beacon-light to all the rest of us4 ,i wonder if ,i shall stay on here interminably friendless1 and soured like most of the others4 ,it's a rotten prospect4 ,now of course the boys keep me fresh1 but as the years roll on ,i shall become more and more unfitted for any other profession and get further away by reason of my age from sympathizing with the youth of the time4 ,yet there are some men1 ,heatherington is one of them1 who keep perennially young3 they carry their boyishness with them to the grave4 ,they can understand youth's difficulties as well at sixty-one as at twenty-one4 ,i wish ,i knew the secret of this4 ,at present ,i can play games and take an active part in ,corps work and so keep in touch with most of the boys ,i want to know1 but when ,i am no longer able to do these things ,i shall lose touch with a generation that knows not ,joseph and become despised like old ,soap-,suds1 who thirty years ago was the hero of the school owing to his athletic prowess4 ,i suppose the secret is that games ought not to count for so much as they do4 ,no boy despises ,heatherington1 yet he can't play ,rugger any more4 ,privately among themselves1 of course1 the boys rag his peculiarities1 but they stand in fear of him and quake inwardly as they hear his footsteps coming down the passage1 and old boys can testify how deep their love for him is4 ,i suppose one of the few rewards of the schoolmaster is that his name is bandied about in all the strange places of the earth4 ,old ,radcastrians meet in the ,himalayas1 on the high seas1 in a fever camp1 on a lonely ranch1 and they immediately begin to discuss their old masters4 ,mostly they speak of them with love if not with reverence4 ,our little mannerisms and tricks1 which we imagine are known only to ourselves1 lie open to them and endear us to them4 ,they roar with laughter over our peculiar phraseology1 our methods of punishment1 our impotent rage over little things like chipped desks and false quantities4 ,i should like boys to remember me by the books ,i introduced them to3 ,i like to think of them equipped with a taste for the best literature1 gloating over ,conrad or ,doctor ,johnson1 ,charles ,lamb or ,e4 ,v4 ,lucas1 new ,god or old ,giant1 in some forsaken place where ordinary cheap reading would not satisfy any of the heartache1 or remove any of the sense of desolation that comes upon the mind at such times4 ,each time ,i come back to school ,i try a different method with my ,english classes4 ,if only ,i had more time ,i really believe ,i could achieve something4 ,at present all ,i can do is to read a short story of ,stevenson like ,markheim or ,thrawn ,janet and then get the form to reproduce the substance of it1 or to rewrite it from the point of view of one of the other characters4 ,i have found this method pay very well4 ,once jog a boy's imagination and he will produce quite original and diverting matter4 ,the difficult thing is to hit on the particular sort of literature that boys like4 ,only too frequently ,shakespeare palls2 ,milton1 ,pope and ,wordsworth are quite beyond the average boy4 ,on the other hand they cannot have too much of balladry4 ,tam ,lyn1 ,sir ,patrick ,spens1 ,sir ,cauline1 and the rest they love4 ,so with medival legends like ,sir ,gawayne and the ,green ,knight4 ,most boys after a careful introduction to the life of the age of ,queen ,anne and the curious characters of ,swift1 ,steele1 ,addison and ,defoe1 appreciate quickly the beauties of the ,spectator1 and are only too glad as a weekly essay to interpolate a paper on some foible rampant in that school4 ,boswell1 too1 they can tackle if only you prepare them by giving a ,macaulayesque account of ,johnson's quaint tricks and mannerisms4 ,spenser1 ,shelley and ,keats ,i find are only for the few4 ,most of them love ,byron4 ,tennyson1 like ,dickens1 they have been taught to revere at home4 ,they are not very fond of either4 ,but ,browning and even ,meredith quickly become bosom friends of theirs1 as do the ,pre-,raphaelites4 ,but by far the greatest boom at present is the ,masefield cult4 ,i read ,the ,everlasting ,mercy when it came out in the ,english ,review to all my sets and they were intoxicated4 ,hallows got to hear of this and was furious with me for introducing so foul-mouthed and immoral-minded a poet to boys4 ,poor old ,masefield4 ,i don't suppose he reckoned with the ,public ,school attitude when he set out on his mission of outspokenness4 ,in order to keep the problems of modern life before my form ,i strew my classroom with daily and weekly papers1 monthly and quarterly reviews1 and demand prcis of all the more important articles before or after debates on all sorts of modern problems4 ,i have started to do more original work myself4 ,the ,world of ,school has accepted two or three articles on educational reform which ,i submitted to them1 and ,i now have the lust of authorship on me badly4 ,it's a very wearing disease4 ,i am for ever planning books4 ,i want to write a complete ,english course1 eliminating all that nonsense about weak and strong verbs1 different uses of the gerund and all grammar grind and analysis4 ,what ,i want is an historical survey of the whole of ,english literature1 liberally interspersed with examples1 with a list of the books they ought to buy and enjoy reading1 imaginative questions which should spur them on to original composition in verse and prose with a stimulating introduction on why1 how1 and what we should read4 ,i would make such books as ,arnold ,bennett's ,literary ,taste and ,the ,author's ,craft compulsory for every boy in every school in the kingdom4 ,i would also make every boy learn by heart those passages in ,sesame and ,lilies where ,ruskin points out the value of reading in practical life4 ,but all this would not gain a boy many marks in a modern examination1 and we live or die by results in examinations4 ,english papers seem to me to be the worst set of all4 ,what can it profit a man to know the context of obscure passages in ,shakespeare if he has not got the spirit of the play in him actively shaping his own life8 ,if a boy does not feel the ,hamlet or the ,richard ,,ii within him shouting for utterance when he reads a ,shakespeare play1 he is doing himself no good at all4 ,the whole argument brings one back to beauty and imagination4 ,i want to see every boy's study crammed with copies of the ,world's ,classics1 the ,everyman and the ,home ,university ,library4 ,there is no excuse for anybody not having read standard works at this time of day4 ,i try to instil a love of books into my forms by telling them of men like ,george ,gissing1 with whom it became a question of breakfast or a precious volume acquired in a second-hand shop3 a book must cost you something before you can expect really to value it at its true worth4 ,as ,ruskin says1 we despise books simply because they are accessible4 ,i've always had this book-fever on me4 ,i remember even as a small boy suffering unduly from the pangs of hunger1 going from fruiterer to book-shop and from book-shop to fruiterer1 wondering which ,i really wanted more1 the romance or the pound of cherries4 ,i know that ,i always hated myself when ,i succumbed to the latter temptation1 for the cherries were soon eaten but the delights of the book were perennial4 ,july #d1 #aiaa ,the joys of the ,coronation were not for us4 ,some of the ,corps went down to ,london to line the streets1 but the rest of us went into camp and had a gorgeous time4 ,we spent the time bathing and washing up1 and celebrating ,coronation festivities in all the villages near by4 ,we made speeches and helped to feed myriads of children3 we led processions and drank vast quantities of liquid at other people's cost4 ,money seemed to be poured out in honour of ,george ,v4 ,all the same ,i was lonely because most of the boys ,i require by me to complete my happiness were in ,london lining the streets4 ,however1 we were not parted long and we are now just back from the ,windsor ,review4 ,that is the most impressive ceremony in which ,i have ever taken part4 ,all the ,public ,schools and ,universities paraded before the ,king in ,windsor ,great ,park4 ,it was a sweltering hot day and we were as tired as could be after our long journey and the fatigue of camp1 but no one fell out or fainted except some of the ,oxford and ,cambridge contingents4 ,good for the schools6 ,it was wonderful to get down south again1 if only for one day1 to see real trees1 civilized people1 pretty girls1 the ,thames1 respectable houses built for comfort1 culture and leisure4 ,we spent all the long hours in the train in rushing up and down the corridors debagging people1 scrumming forty or fifty unfortunates into one carriage and then leaping on the top of them4 ,no wonder we were tired4 ,how any windows remained unbroken is a miracle to me4 ,we have had a good term with regard to the ,corps--about four of the best field-days ,i can remember4 ,the best was in ,wensleydale amid peerless scenery3 about ten big schools took part1 and ,i1 as usual1 was engaged in scouting most of the time4 ,it is rare fun stalking the enemy on these lonely moors far from your own people4 ,with a little imagination you can picture the reality 444 and in any case it's a rotten game to be captured by some other school4 ,i don't know why1 but after you've left the school about ten minutes you feel as if you'd been soldiering all your life and lived only for food and sleep4 ,no meals are more acceptable than field-day lunches1 usually eaten by the side of a dusty road in the full glare of a hot sun1 but it's hunger that makes the meal1 and marching is the best appetizer ,i know3 the only thing ,i object to about these sham fights is the powwow afterwards and the stupidity of the umpires4 ,every one knows that umpires can't be everywhere at once and human nature doesn't admit of one's giving oneself up unless real force is used2 consequently the most ridiculous decisions are given1 for the conditions have always altered by the time any umpire turns up2 the weaker side which has been ambushed becomes reinforced by a body ten times as big as the ambushing party1 and so turns the tables1 and the clever strategist who really brought off a good coup finds himself a prisoner and harangued by his ,o4,c4 ,field-days are very unfair1 but they are amusing4 ,it's rare fun chasing an enemy into a farm-house and forcing an entrance into every room in pursuit of him3 it's good to see a motor-bicycle belonging to some officer lying by the roadside and to ride away on it4 ,it's worth any amount of powwow to sit under a hedge within sight of a bridge on which you have chalked ,this bridge is blown up1 and watch the enemy debate whether or no they have a right to advance across it3 it's very like the real thing to be told off to act as guerillas and to keep on irritating an advancing force by appearing at inconvenient times and unexpected places1 and holding up their plans and then trying to escape and repeat the experiment farther along the line4 ,close order drill1 ceremonial and inspection are distinctly boring1 but field-days are red-letter days4 ,for twelve hours one gets right away1 away from work1 away from ,common ,room1 away from games1 and it does every one a world of good4 ,we lose our petty animosities3 we become more broad-minded and regain our ordinary sense of camaraderie3 we sing ribald songs1 we fill our lungs with good air1 we discuss philosophy or any mortal thing with our next-door neighbour on the march1 not caring whether he listens or not2 we silently form good resolutions about our work1 we think upon great days long past1 of famous runs with the beagles1 childhood's days on the moor1 tramps across country as undergraduates--all the best things of life come back to one on the march4 ,it isn't that we take soldiering very seriously3 none of us does that4 ,i hate shooting on the range2 rifle-firing frightens me2 ,i should be a damned fool at pukka fighting1 but this make-believe is good sport and ,i suppose it teaches us something4 ,at any rate it's amusing4 ,one of the quaintest things about this term has been my friendship with ,chichester4 ,he is a new boy in my form who speaks but seldom1 not because he is nervous 7he is one of the most self-assured people ,i ever met7 but because he doesn't want to4 ,he writes already bizarre but quite original verse4 ,he goes his own way in everything4 ,he somehow became attracted by me1 and now we spend all our spare time together4 ,it's a queer friendship4 ,he's a largish boy for fifteen1 with curly light hair and penetrating blue eyes and a delicate pink and white complexion4 ,we lie on a rug together and watch ,house matches1 eating strawberries and cherries4 ,he borrows all my books and reads them at an astonishing rate4 ,masefield bowled him over completely4 ,he has written at least four poems based on ,the ,everlasting ,mercy4 ,he is about the cleanest child ,i have met and yet he employs the foulest metaphors ,i ever came across4 ,he is an anomaly4 ,he is in for a bad time here3 people won't understand him and every one will do his best to ruin him4 ,he appears to be quite fond of me and calls for me daily to go down to games with him4 ,common ,room is scandalized and ,i have been warned by most of my colleagues that such things are not done4 ,it is not good for a boy to be taken up and made a favourite of by a master4 ,with that sentiment ,i entirely agree4 ,i wonder why every one here does it4 ,but ,i'm not making a favourite of him3 he has honoured me with his friendship4 ,i have no fast1 firm friend2 neither has he4 ,he certainly is not the type of boy to trade upon such a relationship2 in form he works like a navvy1 he plays his games adequately3 he is quite normal except for his gift for writing ,english4 ,surely no one can blame me for fostering that4 ,at any rate ,i should prefer to leave rather than break off our relations1 so people must just talk and think what they like4 ,of course the school doesn't like it4 ,they hate any boy having much to do with a master1 but ,chichester has a will of his own and ,i rather fancy he will take his own line right through life4 ,not that he is self-assertive3 he is quiet and unassuming1 but he always contrives to get his own way4 ,luckily for me he is in ,wade's house1 and dear old ,wade1 who ought to have been a country squire1 never denies any one anything2 so when the boy goes for leave to come to my rooms he gets it every time without a murmur4 ,the only blow about camp this year is that ,chichester won't be there4 ,his people are taking him abroad for the whole of ,august4 ,i have been bothered a good deal lately about a peculiarly silly habit of mine4 ,sometimes1 in mathematics especially1 ,i get violently angry at intervals because ,i realize that my sets are not working hard enough4 ,i so rarely punish that of course there is a temptation for boys to slack in present circumstances3 when ,i find that they take advantage of my ideals to practise this trick on me ,i usually give tongue forcibly and drop on them as heavily as ,i can with a quite colossal punishment4 ,this ,i take down in a book and--after five minutes ,i've forgotten all about it4 ,the boy always looks contrite at the moment1 but ,i realize that he knows that he won't have to do the punishment at all4 ,there is a silly system here by which one has to enter the names of all the boys one punishes in a book3 ,i simply can't remember to do it4 ,it's like looking at roll lists4 ,i'm always slack about checking the reasons that my boys give for their absence4 ,i always believe what a boy tells me4 ,how can you expect boys to tell the truth if you always verify their statements by outside corroborative evidence8 ,it seems to me to be asking for trouble4 ,there seems to be everlasting espionage here4 ,the school sergeant is known to be in the secret service of the ,head ,master1 and is popularly supposed to wander about with a pair of field-glasses scouring the countryside for miscreants4 ,this seems a quaint conception of education4 ,wherever and whenever we meet boys we are expected to extract information from them as to their precise occupation4 ,the only safe place seems to be on the cricket field1 and even there you are surrounded by seniors waiting to lash you if you drop a catch or 7in their opinion7 field badly4 ,i spend most of my afternoons1 when ,i am not wanted to fill up last place in a ,common ,room eleven1 in coaching the ,rabbits1 which is a league composed entirely of those who are unable to play cricket at all1 the worst two dozen in the school4 ,it is really amusing3 no one could possibly pretend to take it seriously4 ,the only time when it perhaps gets monotonous is when some elderly fag appears and insists on playing1 and ,i find him coercing all the others to field for and bowl to him1 while he scores about a hundred and fifty4 ,that only happens when there is no master about4 ,the ,house matches this term have been frenziedly exciting and ,chichester and ,i have spent most afternoons watching them4 ,it is an ,arcadian1 simple life in the summer term4 ,every morning at #f4cj ,i pull ,dearden out of bed and race him down to the sea in pyjamas4 ,we have a hasty bathe and arrive just in time for chapel at #g1 unshaven4 ,we there 7pernicious custom7 have to take a roll of our form4 ,we look down chapel to see the faces of friends and at some intimate verses in the hymn or psalms we smile as at some hidden secret between ourselves4 #g4be sees us running to first school4 ,we run everywhere at ,radchester4 ,i hate these dreary lessons before breakfast3 #h o'clock seems an interminable distance ahead4 ,there is supposed to be cocoa in ,common ,room between #g4bj and #g4be1 but no one ever has time to drink it1 unless he cares to risk being late for form1 which is not a vice masters here are prone to4 ,at #h o'clock on two days of the week two of us have to deny ourselves breakfast until the whole school has finished1 for we have to say grace in hall1 collect the names of all absentees1 walk round to see that no one cuts the cloth or indulges in undue ribaldry1 and then when all is over we dismiss them4 ,only then 7at #h4cj7 do we get our own breakfast4 ,by this time all the best of the food is gone4 ,feversham will probably be helping himself to his fourth egg and sausage and fifth piece of toast1 the morning papers will all have been seized and we shall be thoroughly irritable4 ,one of the things that makes me loathe the ,common ,room system is this herding together for breakfast1 a meal that ought to be eaten in communion with the morning paper and no living soul to interrupt4 ,from #i to #i4de we punish1 we practise fielding1 we correct work4 ,from #i4de to #a4ae we rush from subject to subject1 from class to class1 attempting to drive some rudiments of mathematics and ,english into the heads of boys who don't want to know anything4 ,if only they were born poor and knew that they had to depend on their wits for their livelihood1 it would be infinitely easier for us4 ,occasionally one gets an hour off in the morning 7,i get three in the week7 and this is spent either in writing letters1 taking the illustrated weeklies from the ,house ,room1 or in going for a lonely walk or bathe4 ,sometimes ,i lie on the sand-dunes and eat and read1 or try to write a few words more of an article4 ,at #a4bj we all assemble in hall again1 this time taking our food with the boys4 ,i like this meal2 the food is not good but the conversation is4 ,i love all the clique that sits at my end of the table4 ,jimmy ,haye1 who sits on my right hand1 is an argumentative soul who frequently sulks and refuses to speak to me when he thinks that ,i am doing the wrong thing1 such as going about with ,chichester1 speaking against the classics at a debate1 or advocating educational reform4 ,jimmy is a boy ,i should much like to know intimately1 but he rarely comes up to my rooms3 he doesn't care to mix with the riff-raff he finds there4 ,i have occasionally persuaded him to come for a walk2 he spends most of his life in ragging in the house and in being bullied by ,naylor1 the senior maths4 tutor1 who is endeavouring to raise him to the standard required for ,university scholarship4 ,on my left sits ,montague1 ,jimmy's greatest friend4 ,he is easy-going1 clever1 very good at games1 quite wild and irresponsible in the house1 with a temper like a fiend4 ,he has ,spanish blood in him and has travelled all over the world4 ,he treats me as ,i like to be treated--as a boon companion3 although he doesn't take advantage of my standing invitation to use my rooms as an hotel he always comes to me for advice when he is implicated in a row4 ,he likes to take me for walks on ,sundays and pour out his many grievances against life4 ,sometimes neither he nor ,haye talk to me at all for a month1 then they suddenly relent1 become their old gay selves again and chatter away1 to my endless enjoyment4 ,it is at lunch-time that ,i generally hear the scandal of the day4 ,in the afternoon immediately after lunch there is punishment drill--some twenty to fifty miscreants have to run or march round the square under direction of the drill-sergeant for half an hour1 while other people are changing1 going out to nets or playing tennis4 ,we bowl at nets till #c4cj4 ,not many days pass without an accident4 ,it's a wonder to me that boys aren't killed at this exercise3 all the nets are very close together and hardly protected at all4 ,once the ,house matches start1 of course1 nets are dropped and we simply lie on rugs and applaud or groan according to the fortunes of the game4 ,most of the masters sit on an elevated mound1 ,olympians on their dung-hill1 near which sacred spot no boy may approach4 ,at #c4de we get a scrappy tea in our own rooms3 the old witch of a bedmaker is supposed to put out the tea-things and the kettle1 and produce the roll and butter provided by the school4 ,she frequently forgets1 just as she forgets to dust the room or wash up the dirty things4 ,usually ,i have to write orders for chocolate1 walnut cakes1 and fruit and jams or bananas and cream1 and dispatch fags to the tuck-shop4 ,there are never less than half a dozen urchins clamouring for tea3 at #d4ae the bell rings for afternoon school4 ,shall ,i ever forget in the years to come this hellish bell8 ,it rings not less than fifty times a day1 usually for five minutes at a time3 nothing is so calculated to get on a new-comer's nerves as its incessant tolling1 day and night1 calling us to some fresh duty4 ,at #f o'clock the school goes into hall for tea4 ,if one is on duty that means more calling of rolls and counting of absentees2 if not we have a blessed half-hour in which to prepare for ,common ,room dinner at #f4cj4 ,at #g we hurry off to take prep4 ,the senior men get half a crown a night for taking prep4 in ,big ,school1 we poor juniors have to hustle along to supervise one of the other innumerable preps4 for no reward4 ,i hate this invigilation4 ,it means that one tries to correct work1 but has to interrupt oneself all the time in order to help boys over ridiculous points about cisterns and pipes1 quadratic graphs or a line in ,homer4 ,of course one can refuse all aid3 most men do lest they should be found ignorant of some department of school study4 ,at #h4de we again rush to chapel and at #i another prep4 starts1 in studies this time1 and juniors start to turn on baths as a sign of bed4 ,at #aj o'clock work for the day is over except for masters and the ,sixth ,form4 ,shouts and screams come from all the dormitories1 and twenty minutes later we go round to see that every one is in bed4 ,by eleven most of the buildings are in darkness4 ,bridge-parties and conversations over whisky are kept up till twelve or one1 but it isn't every night that we have time to indulge in these practices4 ,such is our normal day1 but it's the unusual that finds its chronicling most frequently in this diary4 ,august #a1 #aiaa ,to-morrow we go away to ,aldershot for the annual camp2 another school year is over and ,i now have two years to look back over4 ,i don't know that my experience has taught me much yet1 except a distrust of the old men4 ,i still love boys as much as ever1 though not in the mass4 ,i hate them at school lectures when they cough in order to make a nervous lecturer break down1 or when they express mock approval by prolonged ironic laughter and stamping of feet4 ,i hate them most of all when they choose to rag an unfortunate master who can't keep order in hall or at roll4 ,i always funk taking both these ceremonies1 though ,i have never had any trouble except in my dreams4 ,if ,i did ,i suppose ,i should half-kill the boy nearest to me and let out with my fists all round4 ,i like boys best singly in my rooms4 ,chichester makes up to me for lack of wife or sister or brother4 ,i am never happy when he is out of my sight4 ,he has shown up a prodigious quantity of good verse and some short stories1 all of which ,i store away in the hope that some day ,i shall have collected enough to publish4 ,i've got a new idea in ,english composition with the lower forms4 ,i take in a copy of a really good picture and get them to describe it3 as a model for this ,i read ,pater's description of the ,mona ,lisa with a copy staring them in the face as ,i read4 ,i don't know where ,i got this idea from1 but ,i find that it brings out a good deal of latent talent from boys who can never express themselves on paper in normal circumstances4 ,i wish it could be possible to have school without the first and last days of term3 they are never-ending4 ,at the beginning one misses all the comforts of civilization and mourns the absence of all society3 at the end1 after a strenuous turmoil of thirteen weeks there is nothing whatever left to do4 ,marks are all added up1 examination papers corrected1 reports written1 prize sheets made1 clothes packed4 ,boys besiege one's rooms with requests for photographs1 and with a catch in the throat say good-bye4 ,they are going into the firm1 going up to the ,university1 going abroad--going to the ends of the earth on their different missions1 and ,radchester will know them no more4 ,their office another will take and one gasps at the handful that will be left to carry on the glorious traditions of the ,house and school4 ,the last day is pitiable4 ,most masters are unfeignedly glad to get away4 ,i never am4 ,i sometimes chafe about the eighth or ninth week1 but by the thirteenth ,i have become so used to the life that ,i hate the thought of any change4 ,i have learnt to do without civilization4 ,i just want my boys by my side always3 ,i want to go on teaching ,english4 ,i don't mind a holiday from mathematics4 ,i wish ,i could find the soul of algebra and geometry4 ,it's hard to make a moral lesson out of a circle4 ,i am not ,sir ,thomas ,browne4 ,i shall miss my daily bickerings with ,jimmy ,haye and ,montagu in hall4 ,i shall miss the cricket and the bathing2 above all1 ,i shall miss ,chichester and the rug4 ,luckily he is coming to camp this year4 ,camp lets one down gently4 ,gradually the longing for society steals over one again and the strenuous ten days' soldiering makes one pine for clean sheets and mufti1 ordinary hours and meals at a table1 but while it lasts it's just one great picnic4 ,,viii ,august #aj1 #aiaa ,it's been a good camp in every way4 ,i was battalion scout most of the time and had the extraordinary luck to outwit a whole section of ,cameronians 7regulars7 in one field-day while ,i was investigating behind the enemy's lines4 ,what an ideal country for fighting this is1 with all the pine-trees and the long stretch of ,laffan's ,plain and ,csar's ,camp4 ,i wish that ,radchester could be burnt down and rebuilt somewhere on these ,surrey hills4 ,every evening ,i used to tramp over to the ,aldershot baths from ,farnborough1 tired as ,i was1 and then back to join the riotous sing-songs4 ,i find that one gets through a good deal of money at the canteens4 ,i always want to eat like a pig and drink like a fish at the finish of each day's manuvres4 ,i have never been so bronzed as ,i am this year3 my face is almost black with the sun and the dust4 ,we had some excellent fights during the ten days1 not always as on the programme4 ,we had a first-class row with the ,melton corps4 ,they swank as if they owned the whole camp1 so we let all their tents down one night4 ,there was a battle royal and an inquiry the next day1 when about eight ,generals all gave tongue and talked about the honour of the ,army4 ,you can't suddenly pretend that a schoolboy ceases to be a schoolboy because you dress him up in khaki4 ,he will have his rags1 whatever ,guardsmen say4 ,there was1 too1 the usual smoking row4 ,as a matter of fact1 the great majority of fellows don't smoke in camp3 they can afford to wait till the holidays begin4 ,it is an education in itself to meet all the people from the other schools1 to see how those with the great names take it for granted that they are cock-of-the-walk and hold up the canteens1 while members of less well-known schools have to wait4 ,as a matter of fact1 the officers' mess is the place to learn things4 ,i dined there one night as a guest4 ,i had no idea that ,oxford and ,cambridge were1 or could be responsible for1 such bounders as ,i met on that one evening4 ,good-hearted fellows for the most part1 but it was ludicrous to see them in the same mess with these pukka officers of the ,grenadiers and ,coldstreams4 ,they are keen on their job1 too1 but without the ghost of an idea how to behave1 or how to speak the ,king's ,english4 ,they are indescribably funny to watch as they sidle up to the ,colonels and ,generals and try to adopt a sort of ,army attitude to life4 ,there are heaps of men here whom ,i used to know at ,oxford2 most of them1 however1 are in the regulars and not ,o4,t4,c4 men at all4 ,one of the stunts is for the boys to get the ,general or some big nut to go to tea in their tents4 ,they provide a palatial meal and the wretched old man has to gorge himself nearly sick in order to please these fifteen-year-olds1 who would be tremendously upset if he didn't eat all that was offered to him4 ,but the man we all stand in dread of is the ,brigade ,sergeant-,major1 who has a voice of thunder1 and puts the fear of ,god into every one who comes near him1 officer and man alike4 ,he seems to be a walking encyclopdia2 there is nothing he doesn't know and he requires absolute perfection every time4 ,i must say ten days of this life make our puny efforts at school to be smart look pretty cheap4 ,here we really get the hang of things3 at school somehow we nearly always fail4 ,it's partly competition and the ever-present fact that we have a reputation to keep up4 ,august #ae1 #aiaa ,i have just had four days in town as an aftermath4 ,the comparison between ,london and camp is extraordinary4 ,i'd no idea my love for ,london was so deep-rooted4 ,there hangs over ,london an ever-present air of success1 of money-making and money-spending4 ,the shops tempt you1 the hotels tempt you1 the theatres tempt you1 everything tempts you4 ,i fed well and met all sorts of interesting people1 among them ,chichester4 ,he lives at ,hampton ,court and ,i had one great afternoon on the river with his sisters1 himself and his mother4 ,they appear to be very wealthy and at dinner1 to which ,i stayed1 there was such a variety of wines that ,i got nervous as to which wine to put in which glass4 ,i believe ,i got them all wrong1 except the liqueurs1 but ,i don't think they noticed4 ,how ,chichester can bear the bleak savagery of ,radchester after the rich comforts of his own home1 ,i can't conceive4 ,some day ,i am to go back and stay with him4 ,he appears to spend his holidays boating1 motoring1 riding1 playing billiards1 going to theatres1 reading and writing4 ,i never met people who put one so quickly at one's ease4 ,although they are rich they don't seem to worry about ,society3 they do none of the right things1 for which ,heaven be praised4 ,they just enjoy life to the full and take each blessing as it comes4 ,they have less of the snob in them than any people ,i have ever met4 ,they appear to be unduly grateful to me for what ,i have done for ,tony4 ,my hat6 ,the boot's on the other foot3 what has ,tony not done for me8 ,august #bc1 #aiaa ,after a glorious week with my uncle in ,dawlish1 during which time ,i bathed and walked a good deal1 ,i am back in town again4 ,i love ,devon3 the coast scenery fills me with ecstatic delight and ,i thank ,god every minute that ,i am alive and strong to enjoy the good things of life4 ,i got into conversation with heaps of strangers of both sexes1 and heard views of life that ,i am sure never enter the heads of my colleagues3 when ,i am asked1 as ,i frequently am1 what ,i do in life1 they always think ,i am lying when ,i say ,i am a schoolmaster1 and laugh good-humouredly as if ,i had said something supremely funny when ,i mention that ,oxford was once my ,university3 apparently all young men claim to be college boys3 it's part of the game4 ,their whole conversation is one vast lie4 ,but it does no one any harm and gives them a sense of romance3 they get right away from the humdrum existence of the shop-counter and the office1 and for a fortnight imagine themselves to be dukes and duchesses4 ,but they miss half the joy that ,devon provides by not scouring the country4 ,their programme is to rise late1 dress with lavish care in the most glaring and tasteless colours1 and slowly promenade up and down the ,front4 ,it is all very pretty and harmless and would delight the heart of ,o4 ,henry4 ,they miss entirely the thousands of joyous little creeks with which the coast is studded3 they never try to discover the secret charm of the moor4 ,they prefer listening to the comic songs of the coons to the birds on the hillside1 and the band on the ,promenade to the rush of wind in the ears as one stands on the cliffs4 ,i wish ,i could write a novel4 ,but ,i lack every faculty necessary for it4 ,i can't observe properly3 ,i can't describe the effect that scenery has on me4 ,i am too nervous to probe into the inner history of sad-eyed women and dour-faced men4 ,that they have their passionate loves and hates1 of course ,i know1 but these every man keeps in the secret places of the heart4 ,your ,devonian is not the sort of man to wear his heart upon his sleeve for daws to peck at4 ,i came back to ,london two nights ago1 with my uncle1 and he took me to several plays4 ,when ,i am in town ,i'm never satisfied unless ,i can put in two theatres a day4 ,i am just as excited at the rise of a curtain or the tuning up of the orchestra to-day as ,i used to be when ,i was a small kid4 ,to be able to see in the flesh all these great actors1 of whom we only hear dimly in our fastness of ,radchester1 is a delight not less than1 if very different from1 the sight of the red loam of ,devon1 or a great stag breaking from cover with the hounds close upon his heels4 ,september #bf1 #aiaa ,i spent a week with the ,chichesters at ,hampton and had a joyful time in company with ,tony4 ,after leaving them ,i went home because my mother suddenly developed rheumatic fever and was seriously ill4 ,i read aloud to her for about three hours every day from ,ford ,madox ,hueffer's ,ladies ,whose ,bright ,eyes and ,w4 ,l4 ,courtney's ,in ,search of ,egeria4 ,i have heard from the ,head ,master that ,anstruther is to have ,marshall's house4 ,anstruther6 ,ye ,gods6 ,he is two terms junior to me4 ,i hear that the ,begum of ,bhopal wants me to coach her son in ,constantinople4 ,that would be fun4 ,think of the experience6 ,i wanted to clinch with the offer at once1 but my mother made me promise not to4 ,heaven knows what it would have led to4 ,i should have seen the world1 met all the best people1 and perhaps found a good job at the end of it4 ,,ix ,october #ac1 #aiaa ,back again at ,radchester4 ,as usual there are a few rows on4 ,two of the parson members of the staff are quarrelling because ,tomson 7the ,high ,church one7 will call the ,communion ,eucharist1 and will talk about the ,catholic instead of the ,protestant ,church4 ,mathews on the other hand calls the altar the communion-table4 ,a battle royal is in progress4 ,i believe ,tomson will have to go4 ,this is a very ,low ,church school and any one who crosses himself or indulges in any ritualistic practices is looked upon as inclined to papistry4 ,it seems a strange thing to make such a fuss about4 ,both ,mathews and ,tomson are good1 conscientious workers1 and the school will be the poorer if either of them leaves4 ,another row concerns me4 ,it is commonly thought by some members of my form that ,chichester has been sneaking to me about their methods of work1 a pretty laughable idea when one thinks how little ,chichester cares about any one in the school1 much less in his form4 ,we never talk about school matters at all4 ,we talk books and philosophy4 ,anyway1 ,i have lately been boycotted by my form1 by ,montague and ,haye and most of the school4 ,i'm reading ,stevenson's and ,meredith's ,letters4 ,i've got rather a passion for letter-writers4 ,the ,paston ,letters1 ,dorothy ,osborne's1 ,lady ,mary ,wortley ,montagu's1 ,horace ,walpole's1 ,gray's1 ,lamb's and ,cowper's all gave me lasting pleasure4 ,one feels at last as if one really was beginning to see the inner workings of the minds of great geniuses when you close a volume of their intimate correspondence--but ,i prefer ,stevenson's and ,meredith's to all the others4 ,they show such wonderful cheeriness in the face of adversity1 such love for their friends and wives1 such an interest in literature and in life4 ,they are so splendidly natural and speak from the heart4 ,we hear the very voice of the man we have learnt to love in public talking intimately in his own home4 ,we have just had an amazing masters' meeting in which the following motions were carried3 7i7 ,masters are forbidden to see more of one boy than another6 7ii7 ,masters are forbidden to have any boys in their room except for turned work4 7iii7 ,masters are forbidden to hear turned work in their rooms except between #i and #a4 7iv7 ,lower ,school boys are not to be allowed in any ,house other than their own without a written leave from their ,house-masters4 7v7 ,boys must never be given the run of a master's rooms4 7vi7 ,in future every one will stand all through the offertory in the ,communion service4 ,there were heaps more1 but these were the funniest4 ,anything more priceless than the solemn conclave of old dears passing these resolutions one by one1 with here and there an amendment 7always rejected without discussion7 ,i never saw4 ,if they think that all this tomfoolery will prevent me from seeing all ,i want to of ,tony1 they are mistaken4 ,it wasn't altogether aimed at me4 ,apparently quite a number of the younger masters make friends with the boys4 ,for the life of me ,i can't see why they shouldn't4 ,anyway these rules aren't going to make any difference to me4 ,all through this ridiculous meeting ,i found myself repeating ,edith ,sichel's priceless aphorism3 ,there is nothing that cannot be imagined by people of no imagination4 ,it ought to be inscribed over the mantelpiece of every ,common ,room4 ,december #ai1 #aiaa ,we have had some good field-days lately1 notably one where ,i was in command of a small force1 which was told off to harass a large advancing troop by repeated ambushes4 ,i nearly ran my people off their feet1 but it was rare fun4 ,we just appeared in the most unlikely places1 forced the enemy to waste time by deploying1 let them get quite close and then scattered and met again farther back along the line and repeated the manuvre4 ,the whole business was overwhelmingly successful for we delayed their advance until it ceased to be of any effect4 ,i prefer this sort of tactical scheme to the usual one of merely putting out outposts or an advanced guard4 ,the only way to interest boys in the ,corps is to give them some one to fight against every time4 ,i found this out when ,i started the night scouts4 ,i have been allowed twenty minutes nightly in which to practise my specialist scouts in getting used to working in the dark4 ,it was futile merely getting them accustomed to using their night eyes2 unless we opposed one another and tried to track each other down1 the whole business failed of its object4 ,as soon as we had sides they all became ten times more enthusiastic3 both their sight and hearing became more acute3 there were some titanic struggles and much good resulted from these tactics4 ,it is an eerie business1 searching on a pitch-black night inch by inch1 over a ploughed field1 for an enemy that you expect to pounce upon you from behind if he gets the chance4 ,of course ,hallows and ,co4 did their best to prevent my having these boys out1 on the ground that they would catch cold--and then that they might get into mischief4 ,for once ,i carried my point and had my own way4 ,i notice that ,i'm leaving the school buildings far less frequently than ,i used to do when ,i first came here4 ,i have very little temptation to go off to ,scarborough for a razzle at the theatre or the ,winter ,gardens4 ,about twice a term suffices now4 ,i don't quite know why4 ,of course ,i'm reading much more and ,i sit up taking notes for books that ,i mean some day to write4 ,i still refuse to play bridge4 ,i go to the club and sing1 dance1 eat and drink on rare occasions1 but normally ,i don't go out of my rooms much at night4 ,i don't spend more time in ,common ,room than ,i can help4 ,i just play my games1 work out my schemes in form on the teaching of ,english and mathematics1 write innumerable letters and try my hand occasionally on original topics for articles4 ,of late the ,pioneer has taken several sporting sketches of mine1 which has put a new heart in me4 ,december #ca1 #aiaa ,last term ended very quietly4 ,i saw a great deal of ,tony in spite of all the silly new regulations4 ,it was grand to be back in ,london again3 ,i spent five days with the ,chichesters at ,hampton and we feasted right royally and went to two shows a day4 ,on ,christmas ,eve ,i went down to see my father and mother1 who were staying in ,bath for the waters4 ,after the riotous orgies at the ,chichesters ,i thought ,i should find ,bath boring4 ,i arrived late at night and was struck by the lights twinkling from hills on every side4 ,my people had got digs close under the shadow of the ,abbey4 ,i was glad to come to a place which had such a wonderful eighteenth-century flavour1 and expected to find out many new truths about ,jane ,austen1 ,fielding1 ,sheridan1 ,doctor ,johnson1 ,beau ,nash and all the other celebrities1 but no one in ,bath seemed to take any notice of the past4 ,the present was gay enough for them4 ,so many ,army men retire to ,bath with a progeny of daughters all of marriageable age1 but possessed of no dowry1 that they almost wait in a queue outside the station to fasten on to any strange young man who appears4 ,it took me some time to fathom this4 ,i found every one exceedingly kind and hospitable4 ,i could wish ,i were a better dancer4 ,these ,assembly ,room shows are glorious1 but they make me abominably nervous4 ,i feel all the time gauche and awkward in the presence of these resplendent youngsters3 they can all dance superbly1 and in the first place ,i am afraid that the cheapness of my clothes militates against me1 and then that no girl could possibly really want to dance with me when she could secure one of these subalterns or rich young squires4 ,all the same once ,i got into the swing of the thing it was all right4 ,i always found some partners who fitted my steps exactly3 ,i endured agonies with some tall and unresponsive creatures1 who obviously were only giving me a duty dance1 but with small girls like ,ruth ,harding ,i got on famously4 ,to enjoy a dance to the full one ought to know one's partner intimately and dance with her for the entire night4 ,at the last two dances ,i got ,ruth to dance with me most of the evening1 which apparently scandalized some of the clique which ,i am supposed to have joined4 ,there can be no place in the ,british ,isles where tongues wag so unceasingly as in ,bath4 ,it is like sitting through a scene in ,the ,school for ,scandal to hear the modern ,lady ,sneerwell and ,mrs4 ,candour chattering about faithless wives4 ,not one in a hundred of their stories could possibly be true1 or else we are living in a most depraved age4 ,it is the first time in my life that ,i've heard people openly discuss these things4 ,i can't say that ,i like it4 ,ruth is a good little soul4 ,she knows nothing about eighteenth-century history but is quite keen to learn4 ,we have explored ,prior ,park and ,castle ,combe1 and have searched every street in order to find out where all the greater celebrities lived in the great days4 ,in some ways the place has not changed at all since the age of ,jane ,austen4 ,at one of the ,assembly ,room dances ,i met exact replicas of ,catherine ,morland1 ,emma1 and ,mr4 ,collins4 ,they almost employed the same phraseology4 ,quaintly enough1 not one of them had ever read a word of ,jane ,austen4 ,my father and mother love the life here4 ,we take my mother out in a ,bath chair into the gardens and she gazes at all the smartly dressed passers-by4 ,my father has got to know all the local clergy3 sometimes he takes duty at one of the churches4 ,we have a great number of callers and there is never a lack of anything to do4 ,it is a welcome change from the dullness of our village at home4 ,one of the joys of life here for me is beagling4 ,i go out three times a week with the ,wick or the ,trowbridge ,beagles4 ,i doubt whether there are a finer set of people living than the average beaglers4 ,they are usually poor 7they can't afford to ride71 they are passionately addicted to open-air life and are hence sound in mind and limb4 ,although one feels at times after a heavy run as if one would drop dead from fatigue before one got home1 yet the sense of exhaustion is soon ousted by a sense of wild exhilaration in the hunt1 the scenery1 the people you meet1 and the physical fitness of your body4 ,it is so splendid just to turn up at some country house and there1 among the sherry and the sandwiches1 get into conversation with some flapper or schoolboy or old colonel1 all of whom are full of tales of past historic runs and anticipations of the day's sport4 ,one day we ran from ,trowbridge right on to ,salisbury ,plain1 and lost the hounds in the dark by ,edington ,church--and had to scour the lonely hills for them until eight o'clock4 ,this was on a night when ,i had promised to take ,ruth and two other girls to hear the ,d',oyley ,carte ,company4 ,i got to the theatre at a quarter to ten4 ,january #ai1 #aiab ,i spent most of my days with ,ruth for the rest of the holidays1 doing all the correct things1 having tea tte--tte at ,fortt's1 going to the theatre on ,friday nights 7the fashionable night in ,bath71 walking over ,lansdown and down the ,avon valley1 beagling together 7that was best of all3 she is a superb athlete7 and dancing together whenever possible4 ,her parents and mine have become firm friends and we are as thick as thieves4 ,i am not in love with her1 but she's about the best pal ,i ever had1 which is saying a good deal4 ,i hear that ,bath has been waiting anxiously to hear the announcement of our engagement4 ,what a place6 ,why on earth can't a man have a girl friend without eternally being suspected of marriage8 ,ruth and ,i have never kissed or done anything except treat each other as bosom friends1 which we certainly are and probably always shall be4 ,in spite of the insidious temptations of ,bath1 to crawl round looking at the shops all day1 or to explore the highways and by-ways of ,somerset1 ,i have both read and written a good deal4 ,this seems to me the ,golden ,age of the novel4 ,there are about thirty or forty people writing really great stuff1 full of a philosophy of life1 candid1 human1 extraordinarily real and interesting3 their books do not sell in great numbers1 but they occupy a place on one's bookshelf that one wants to refer to almost daily4 ,all the other thousand or so novelists don't count at all4 ,i hate the unreality and false glamour of these popular writers3 they are like the halfpenny papers which cater for a low and vicious1 ignorant taste1 only to be compared with the shoddier melodramas that we see on the cinema4 ,i often wonder how these old ladies get on who crowd daily into ,smith's ,library in ,milsom ,street and ask the girl behind the counter for an interesting book4 ,she must have her work cut out to remember the million or so different connotations that the word interesting bears to the circulating library subscriber4 ,i wonder how many of them would like to plunge into the inconsequent medley which constitutes my diary4 ,when you see one old lady bearing off under her arm a copy of ,the ,revelations of a ,duchess1 ,samuel ,butler's ,life and ,habit1 ,gertie de ,s4 ,wentworth-,james's latest narcotic1 and some of ,a4 ,c4 ,benson's ,essays1 it almost frights you to think of the aggregate effect of such a mixture4 ,talk about mixing drinks6 ,the reading habit seems to be ingrained in the ,british public1 but ,i cannot help wondering how much of the best stuff is ever understood by people who commonly feed on garbage4 ,i should like to publish a sort of annual guide to be called ,the ,hundred ,best ,books of the ,year1 to be divided up into sections for ,parsons1 ,doctors1 ,schoolmasters1 ,socialists1 ,capitalists1 ,politicians1 ,flappers1 ,nursemaids1 ,factory ,hands1 ,maiden ,aunts1 ,subalterns1 and ,young ,matrons4 ,i wonder how many would overlap4 ,not many1 ,i fancy4 ,i don't think criticisms of books make any appreciable difference to their sale4 ,i have seen heaps of novels1 damned by all the papers1 go into five or six large editions and others that have been acclaimed as sheer genius die at birth4 ,i wonder1 for instance1 how many copies of ,e4 ,c4 ,booth's ,cliff ,end were sold during the first year after its appearance1 yet ,i can't remember any novel which made so deep an impression on me at the time4 ,yet on every bookstall you see copies of ,paul the ,pauper1 which every sane man would condemn as simply silly4 ,it has sold over #bjj1jjj copies in two years4 ,it seems incredible3 there isn't a single human character in the book1 not a single natural sentence3 everything is untrue to life in every respect4 ,the passions are laid on with a trowel4 ,there are ,grandisonian heroes and double-dyed villains3 coincidences of a kind which violate every natural law occur on every other page4 ,the only thing that ,i can compare to this amazing book is a ,lyceum tragedy and the wit of a music-hall comedian4 ,i wonder if ,england will ever become educated4 ,from what ,i have seen of girls in ,bath ,i should say that the system of education in girls' schools is no better than that of boys3 they certainly know a little more about ,english literature1 because their mistresses read aloud to them passages out of the novels of ,charlotte and ,emily ,bront1 ,jane ,austen1 ,dickens and ,thackeray4 ,they also devote more time to poetry than we do1 but they forget it all as soon as they leave school4 ,they don't see that these books taken altogether form a complete introduction to life4 ,the average girl ,i have danced with lately seems to have read nothing at all4 ,her conversation invariably runs on the same lines4 ,have ,i been in ,london lately8 ,don't ,i just adore ,du ,maurier and ,martin ,harvey8 ,do ,i rink8 ,do ,i hunt8 ,do ,i punish my boys very severely8 ,am ,i sorry that ,i am not in the ,army8 ,do ,i like dancing8 ,do ,i like girls8 ,am ,i an outrageous flirt8 ,would ,i like to sit out somewhere more secluded than this rather open spot8 ,am ,i certain that ,i had enough supper8 ,isn't the way ,jim ,dainton and ,sophie ,harrington are behaving perfectly disgusting8 ,don't ,i love ,irene ,fairhaven8 ,isn't ,joyce1 or ,corelli ,windyatt1 or ,moritz1 or ,stanislaus ,wrm1 or whoever is playing on this particular evening1 divine1 topping1 ducky1 dinky1 perfectly sweet1 ripping--or whatever the word of the moment is8 ,shall ,i be at the ,morrisons' on ,tuesday or the ,dohertys' on ,thursday8 ,i get most infernally tired of all this claptrap4 ,no one ever says anything that he or she means3 it is all superficial4 ,the girls think of nothing but their frocks and the effect they are making on their partners4 ,i want to talk sense and instead have to rattle on with sheer nonsense4 ,i suppose ,i am getting prosy and sedate1 but ,i do just love talking about books and different views on life4 ,i seem to have no ready change of small-talk4 ,of course one cannot expect to get to know all the people with whom one dances1 but this constant chopping and changing is rotten4 ,i want to keep to one girl1 ,ruth for preference1 all through the night4 ,then one doesn't have to think of something polite to say3 if we feel like silence we just keep silent1 if we want to talk we talk1 about anything that comes into our heads1 serious or gay4 ,we understand each other's moods without having to go through a long rigmarole of introductory icebreaking4 ,one great advantage of ,bath is the number of clubs and places where one can browse among the reviews and periodicals of all sorts4 ,how ,i manage to keep abreast of any modern work in a hole like ,radchester1 ,i can't think4 ,without the ,times ,literary ,supplement and the book reviews in the ,telegraph and ,morning ,post ,i should be entirely at sea4 ,and yet with all these incentives to read1 the ignorance of these townspeople is extraordinary4 ,they nearly all rely on their bookseller for everything they read4 ,they leave the choice always to him4 ,x ,february #bc1 #aiab ,it was appalling to have to leave the comforts of ,bath for the wilds of ,radchester4 ,it has been the worst ,easter term so far within the remembrance of man4 ,we were snowed right up from the beginning and ,house-fights of snowballing soon ceased to amuse4 ,we are simply shivering in our rooms4 ,the whole place is one medley of germs4 ,every conceivable sort of contagious disease is raging4 ,it is useless trying to teach anybody anything except individually1 for there is no continuity1 one boy drops one day1 another the next1 six more the day after4 ,i have three in one of my sets where ,i'm supposed to have twenty-six4 ,i've spent every spare moment in my rooms writing to ,ruth1 reading and trying my hand at poetry4 ,thank ,heaven1 ,tony is still immune4 ,he waits for me every night after chapel and we stagger across the snow-bound square with the wind blowing the filthy stuff into our eyes and down our necks and almost into our skins4 ,one misses games in a place like this4 ,i hate letting a day go by without taking violent exercise4 ,i suppose if ,i were in the ,city ,i should be content with ,saturday afternoons1 but as a schoolmaster ,i feel that ,i can't teach and keep healthy unless ,i need a hot bath in the afternoon4 ,the cold bath in the morning makes me yell with agony these days1 but ,i always keep it up4 ,i suppose it is good for me4 ,at any rate it is refreshing4 ,masefield had a new poem in the ,february number of the ,english ,review called ,the ,widow in the ,bye-,street4 ,all my boys immediately proceeded to copy it4 ,he is certainly virile and unlike anybody else4 ,he makes an irresistible appeal to youth4 ,of course the outspokenness of his diction accounts for this1 at least partially4 ,of late ,i have been sleeping rottenly4 ,i always like to keep my blind up1 so that ,i can hear the waves more clearly and see the sea from my bed4 ,i notice that when the moon is up ,i get appalling nightmares and wake to find it full on my face4 ,i wonder if ,i am liable to moonstroke6 ,we have cleared the snow off some of the ponds and had some really good skating4 ,the most ridiculous rules have been made about it1 because two boys were once drowned1 a hundred or so years ago4 ,each ,house has to take a ladder and a rope with it1 and not more than twenty boys are allowed on the same pond at the same time4 ,considering that none of the ponds is more than two feet deep or ten yards across1 such precautions seem rather unnecessary1 but nothing can be done at ,radchester without rules being framed by the dozen to meet all contingencies4 ,curiously enough1 a tragedy has occurred4 ,the head waiter in ,common ,room has drowned himself4 ,we spent half of one bitter moonless night searching for his body4 ,he leaves a widow and six children4 ,i wonder why he did it4 ,was the conversation of the masters altogether too deadly for him8 ,was he underpaid8 or was it just the depressing conditions8 ,i never saw a place which so invited suicidal thoughts4 ,the gloom of this coast at this time of the year is indescribable4 ,all the bungalows down the beach are deserted and so are the little tea-houses which look so jolly in the summer-time4 ,the ,head ,master has played a low-down1 dirty trick on a man called ,turner1 who only joined us last term4 ,he was quite young1 brilliantly clever1 popular and successful with the boys3 he had to rent a cottage about a quarter of a mile away because he was married and had one baby4 ,his wife was pretty and did a good deal to make the place habitable4 ,one remembered sometimes even the way to take one's hat off4 ,well1 he has had to go4 ,his sin was--being married4 ,the ,head ,master told him that he had come under false pretences1 that the school could not afford to keep men who did not live in1 and that a wife caused a man to neglect his work4 ,march #bc1 #aiab ,during the last month or so ,i have been seized with a panic lest ,i should die of appendicitis or some such quick and hidden complaint4 ,i can't sleep at all and ,i lie awake with a curious numb sort of pain and think of death4 ,i am all right in the daytime for the most part4 ,at any rate ,i am playing hockey and footer with all my old vigour and ,i never feel bad in form4 ,it's just at night2 unfortunately it's every night that ,i get seized with a real horror lest ,i should die uncared for1 unhonoured and unwept4 ,i should have liked a little taste of love and laughter1 of civilized comfort--,i should have liked to have written some sort of book which would have helped mankind along the rough road of life4 ,i should like to have had a wife1 an heir 444 but as it is ,tony must be my heir4 ,i have transmitted to him my passionate love of literature1 my keenness for beauty1 my longing for a revolution in educational practice and theory4 ,i have worked off my spleen on a long centenary paper on ,dickens for the ,radcastrian1 which will excite and annoy the lovers of that novelist a good deal4 ,i made all the boys in my form write centenary appreciations of ,dickens1 too4 ,i got some queer stuff4 ,he is not half as well known as he ought to be in spite of his great name4 ,but ,i do wish he had resisted his tendency to caricature4 ,there have been the usual rows4 ,by far the most disconcerting was the expulsion of ,mather1 who was a school prefect and a scholar of ,magdalen1 for stealing4 ,it seems impossible to believe4 ,it appears that he was in a ,house where most of the boys have far too much pocket-money3 the very fags own to having fivers4 ,poor old ,mather was one of eight sons of a penniless country parson3 he never had a sou and consequently starved when all the rest of the ,house were revelling in delicacies4 ,more masters have been poisoning the boys' minds against me4 ,tony's ,house-master has been lecturing him about my pernicious influence4 ,i wish ,i knew what was behind this dark conspiracy4 ,i wish they would give me some facts to go on1 and say that just here or just there ,i was doing harm1 but all their accusations are nebulous4 ,whenever ,i go up to a man's rooms and beard him in his den1 he nearly always denies that he ever said any of the things which were reported of him4 ,it's very difficult to know what to do4 ,i've discovered another wheeze which ,i use to get original work out of my form4 ,i give out a list of forty or fifty words1 ostensibly for spelling1 and by the side of these they write a list of synonyms1 and then during their next prep4 they weave a story round the words ,i have given them4 ,i have had wonderful results from this simple device4 ,incidentally the boys love doing it4 ,it stimulates them1 especially when they have to read their own efforts aloud4 ,now that the sports are looming ahead1 ,i get up in the very early mornings and take people for training walks4 ,in the afternoon ,i run with them across country or round the track4 ,before ,i came no one worried much about the sports4 ,i have really got them keen this year1 much to ,hallows' indignation1 because as games master he is responsible for the sports1 and he thinks ,i'm taking too much upon myself in training them daily for weeks before the events4 ,about a dozen of us1 ,tony and other boys in this ,house1 go off every ,sunday to a nook we've found by an inland stream4 ,we call it a training walk3 it pans out at twelve miles4 ,by so doing we get right outside the country we know and really begin to get a glimmering of beauty on these glorious warm spring days4 ,it's impossible to imagine now that we were ever snow-bound4 ,it is warm and sunny every day2 so much so that ,rugger1 and hockey seem indescribably silly games for this time of year4 ,it feels crickety weather4 ,i've been writing articles on ,hymns and ,cross-,country ,running for the ,london ,press and had both accepted1 which is a bit of luck4 ,things are looking up4 ,all the same it's a nerve-racking process1 waiting to hear one's fate by every post4 ,editors are as stubborn as mules and without any sense of humanity4 ,we have had one great excitement lately4 ,a schooner ran ashore just close to my bedroom window and we had to rush out in the middle of the night and rescue people4 ,poor devils1 they were awfully cold and miserable by the time we got them to bed in the sanatorium1 but luckily there were no lives lost1 and most of the cargo has been salvaged4 ,life at the end of the ,easter term is fairly brisk4 ,it's impossible to get hold of boys to do anything in the way of extra work owing to the innumerable ,house competitions4 ,there is the ,junior and ,senior ,hockey1 the ,singing ,competition1 the ,boxing1 the ,gym41 the ,corps and ,certificate ,a1 the ,sports1 and ,heaven knows what besides--and every man on the staff thinks that his pet job is the only one that matters4 ,the only thing about which we are all agreed is that school work does not matter4 ,no one thinks of that4 ,all the same ,i think these contests are good things1 particularly in the ,corps1 though ,i object to the extraordinary number of prizes and pots that are lavished upon individual winners4 ,there's a huge element of selfishness inspired by the very things which we hold to eradicate it4 ,i took two days off by going down to ,queen's ,club to see the ,oxford and ,cambridge ,sports4 ,it was a rare treat to meet all one's best friends of the ,oxford days and watch other people in the last stages of nervous funk as we were so few years ago4 ,i went to the dinner afterwards3 ,i wonder whether one will ever grow out of these orgies4 ,they are very life and blood to me now at any rate4 ,i expect our older guests get a trifle tired with the exuberance of our spirits before the end4 ,it was very tame to have to come back to ,radchester and the school sports after that grand struggle at ,queen's ,club4 ,april #ac1 #aiab ,here ,i am back again in my beloved ,bath4 ,the term ended well4 ,heatherington's won the sports and ,i was the recipient of a tremendous ovation at the ,house ,supper4 ,i don't think ,i ever felt so proud before4 ,at the end of term ,i went down to ,hampton ,court with ,tony until ,good ,friday1 when ,i went on to see ,ruth3 we have spent all the rest of the time together4 ,it was at the ,easter ,ball that ,i saw a face which ,i shall never forget4 ,i was ragging about with ,ruth in the vestibule when ,i saw a girl at the far end of the room talking to young ,conyngham1 one of the nuts of ,bath1 whom ,i cordially dislike4 ,they seemed very pleased with one another4 ,i don't know what came over me but ,walter ,savage ,landor's phrase came into my mind1 ,by ,jove1 ,i'm going to marry that girl1 and before ,i knew what ,i was doing ,i had left ,ruth and raced across to ,conyngham and asked him to introduce me to his partner4 ,he was really bored4 ,she was not pleased4 ,apparently he realized that ,i meant to stay there till he did introduce me and so he gruffly mumbled1 ,oh6 ,this is ,mr4 ,traherne--,miss ,tetley1 and walked away about two yards4 ,don't go away1 ,philip1 she said1 in a voice that thrilled me to hear4 ,may ,i----8 ,i began4 ,i'm afraid ,i've only got number #ag left4 ,may ,i have that--and any extras8 ,if you like--,i'm afraid ,i didn't hear your name4 ,traherne4 ,patrick ,traherne--let me write it for you4 ,i did and received instant dismissal4 ,not a promising start1 but ,i was pleased just to get so much out of her4 ,all the evening1 as ,i was gallivanting round with ,ruth1 ,i kept on looking at her1 but she had no eyes for me4 ,i asked ,ruth about her1 but she was not interested4 ,which girl8 ,oh1 that one4 ,i don't know her except by sight4 ,her name's ,elspeth ,tetley4 ,rather ugly1 don't you think8 ,her name ,i mean4 ,no3 she's a pretty enough little thing in herself4 ,she seems very fond of ,mr4 ,conyngham4 ,yes1 she did--confound her4 ,incidentally1 she cut my dance and there were no extras1 so ,i did not see her again that night4 ,i wasn't going to be defeated so easily1 so ,i bowed to her when ,i passed her in the streets1 but she never even saw me4 ,i don't quite know what it is about her that so attracts me2 she looks very quiet1 she is amazingly sure of herself1 extraordinarily pretty1 with any amount of humour and energy ,i should think4 ,i am still speaking without the book1 for ,i know nothing about her1 whatever1 except that ,i love the look of her4 ,ruth and ,i have spent all the holidays so far watching ,rugger matches and picnicking and motoring and dancing4 ,i have had ,petre ,mais down to stay with me4 ,by a strange chance he knows the ,tetleys3 he thinks ,elspeth1 as he calls her 7he has known her from childhood71 the most adorable girl he has ever met4 ,i have tried to get him to bring her along to see me1 but something has always cropped up at the last moment to prevent our meeting4 ,may #c1 #aiab ,i spent the whole of the ,easter holidays in ,bath1 mainly in the company of ,ruth4 ,it was good to have ,mais with me3 we used to sit up to all hours arguing about education3 we appear to be both of us bitten with the craze of reform1 though we don't agree on points of detail4 ,he is a curious mixture of the very grave and sedate and the irresponsibly gay4 ,he gets on extraordinarily well with my father4 ,while ,i am disporting myself in company with ,ruth1 he takes the ,gov'nor for long walks and argues about ,christian dogma and ethics4 ,i am afraid that ,ruth interferes with my reading and writing4 ,mais seems to get through a great deal and always twits me with being a lady-killer3 he never seems to want the companionship of the other sex4 ,there is ,elspeth ,tetley1 with whom he might spend days--she is obviously very fond of him--and instead of going about with her he gives her up to ,conyngham and buries himself in the ,church ,institute or the ,bath and ,county ,club1 getting up notes for some article or book that he is at work upon4 ,he is never happy unless he is working4 ,as he very truly says1 his work is his mistress and he never wants a better4 ,all the same a man needs some relaxation4 ,i find mine in the company of ,ruth1 who grows more alluring with every passing day4 ,she has taken me to ,bradford-on-,avon1 to ,englishcombe1 by motor to ,badminton and over ,salisbury ,plain4 ,i have been to three point-to-point meetings and at each of them caught a fleeting glance of ,elspeth ,tetley4 ,she was always surrounded by young men1 so ,i couldn't speak to her4 ,i love these country meetings more almost than any other form of sport4 ,the hazardous steeplechases fill one with excitement3 many men were riding whom ,i knew at ,oxford1 but they all appeared to belong to sets of the most exclusive kind4 ,there is always a plentiful sprinkling of dukes and duchesses at these shows1 as well as all the farmers in the country and the riff-raff of the town4 ,the procession of bicycles and governess-cars and dog-carts and motors and pedestrians miles out in the country is a fine sight4 ,i should like to have enough money to be able to go in for steeplechasing3 it must be one of the finest sensations in the world to feel yourself rushing through the air1 jumping these brooks and thickset hedges1 always risking your neck1 while all the youth and beauty of the country watch you1 heart in mouth lest you should take a toss1 transported beyond belief when you ride past the post a winner4 ,elspeth ,tetley somehow fits a point-to-point meeting exactly4 ,some girls look the most preposterous idiots all togged up in the serviceable tweeds and brogues that girls wear for these shows1 but she looks just as divine at a race meeting as she does in a ballroom4 ,i hope to ,heaven ,i get the chance of meeting her again some day4 ,june #aj1 #aiab ,i hated leaving ,bath more than ever this time1 partly because it meant leaving ,elspeth in the clutches of young ,conyngham1 partly because of the summer weather and the flowers and the comfort of the south1 partly because of parting with ,ruth1 but mainly because of the horrid contrast4 ,who1 for instance1 in ,common ,room ever rides to hounds1 or cares about point-to-point meetings8 ,not one of my colleagues ever goes near a dance if he can get out of it4 ,i wonder how they all spend their holidays4 ,as a consequence of my depression it took me longer than usual to settle down this term4 ,i had a bad fit of restlessness1 a feeling that ,i ought to be out in the world1 risking something1 trying to make money out of rubber in the ,malay1 or jute in ,india1 experiencing the ups and downs of life in ,america1 ,spain1 ,china1 ,russia1 anywhere where men really lived4 ,there is no denying that we do tend to stagnate here4 ,this incessant round of cricket1 bathing1 maths41 ,english1 prep41 chapel1 and roll isn't fit work for an able-bodied man of active brain and ambition4 ,the ideal schoolmaster has to put away ambition from the start4 ,he can never set the ,thames on fire or cause his name to ring out through the ages3 it is enough for him if a score of men go through life blessing him for what he taught them1 but a boy's memory is very short3 he soon forgets his masters when he gets out into the real world and little wonder4 ,i've been going into ,scarborough lately and trying to find an interest in watching the trippers1 but ,i hate the north-country people now4 ,bath has spoilt my taste for them for ever4 ,i hate their raucous laughter1 their dirty teeth1 their loud ingurgitations over their food1 their louder clothes and ghastly sense of independence1 though as a ,socialist ,i ought1 ,i suppose1 to be thankful for the last4 ,i have had an offer to sub-edit a rather pleasant monthly called the ,scrutinator4 ,i nearly accepted it4 ,i don't know what held me back unless it was ,tony4 ,i hate the thought of life without him1 though of course he will leave just as other good fellows have left and ,i shall have to find some new friend and confidant4 ,we have had a wedding here1 an unheard-of thing at ,radchester4 ,the ,bursar is leaving1 and so has decided to do what he wouldn't be allowed to do if he remained and that is to take a wife4 ,we had a really gay time for two days4 ,the bridesmaids had the time of their lives4 ,i wonder that the ,head didn't put up a list of rules about them but it was all over before he really discovered anything about it4 ,it was a sight for the gods to see members of ,common ,room raking up old frock-coats and top hats and white waistcoats for the occasion4 ,the ceremony made me very jealous and ,i went back to my rooms feeling terribly lonely4 ,sometimes it seems to me that a man is only half a man until he marries4 ,it would be splendid to have some one to turn to in every mood1 some one who would sympathize and always be there ready to console1 comfort1 and share your joys and griefs4 ,ah6 ,but who is that some one to be1 that perhaps not impossible ,she8 ,july #bi1 #aiab ,this has been a wonderful summer term from the point of view of weather4 ,all our school matches came off1 all our field-days passed without a hitch4 ,the summer term makes an enormous difference to life here4 ,then the sea at last seems to take on some sort of colour1 the country seems less drab1 people are more cheerful and human3 the long evenings on the shore are a pure joy--and then of course there are the early morning bathes1 the lazy afternoons watching the cricket1 or reading or trying to concoct an article4 ,every one seems to be in the best of health1 there are fewer rows1 and we are less antagonistic in ,common ,room4 ,we have started an illegitimate rag called the ,radchester ,ram1 which gives me unalloyed pleasure4 ,we got tired of the everlasting succession of accounts of matches in the ,radcastrian1 and so we have collected all the really original literary stuff we could get and now we bring this new periodical out once a month4 ,there is nothing offensive in it1 as there so often is in magazines of this sort4 ,it is simply a medley of verse and sketches1 short stories and articles of general interest4 ,on our first number we made about a sovereign profit4 ,it gives many of us something to think about and encourages boys to write4 ,we pay for all the contributions we use4 ,we have had two wonderful addresses given us here1 one on ,speech ,day by ,lord ,dunnithorne1 in which he implored the boys to keep up their ardour and energy not only in games1 but in every side of life1 in keeping an eye while still at school on public affairs1 and developing a sense of proportion as to the relative values of the spiritual and the material1 the other by a ,fellow of ,all ,souls from the pulpit on the hypocrisy that is so rampant in ,public ,schools4 ,he asked us to think for ourselves1 to set ourselves against any tradition1 however strong1 when and if we felt clear that it was against the principles of ,christ and ,liberty4 ,he dwelt not on the greatness of the ,public ,schools1 but their failure to produce the big men of the day4 ,he brought out name after name of men who are now leading the world in politics1 in science1 in religion1 in every department of life who owed nothing to the ,public ,schools4 ,he accounted for this by telling us that we always tried to level up the many and so levelled down the few who really mattered1 that our general level was far too low and meant a crushing of that ,divine spark which alone could help us to do our duty4 ,it was like a breath of inspiration from another world to hear this fine exponent of the best ,oxford spirit trying to rouse us to a sense of our shortcomings4 ,the ,head was furious about the sermon1 as were quite half the members of ,common ,room4 ,i made it the text of pretty well all my discourses for the rest of term4 ,most of the boys of course didn't know what he was driving at2 those who did were divided into two great camps3 the upholders of tradition and those who agreed with him4 ,i am afraid we who agreed with him were in a minority4 ,montague and ,jimmy ,haye refused to speak to me for weeks4 ,poor devils4 ,probably before very long they will come to understand what the preacher meant and metaphorically sit in sackcloth and ashes because they heeded not his warning4 ,how the old men hate individuality3 they fear it as ,shakespeare feared and hated the mob4 ,individuality1 like originality1 is dangerous to custom3 when people begin to think for themselves there is usually trouble somewhere1 but unless people learn to think for themselves they will surround themselves with unimaginable horrors4 ,how often in the train does one come across half-educated louts gesticulating and laying down the law on every conceivable point1 their arguments1 theories and principles all emanating from the halfpenny press4 ,more harm has been done to the cause of progress and good sense in this country by cheap journalism than by any other agency4 ,it is not drink1 but the gutter press that gnaws at the very vitals of the commonwealth4 ,it is an appalling thing to think that as a nation we prefer to take all our theories and principles at second hand from the sayings of unscrupulous ink-slingers of ,grub ,street who have never done an honest day's work in their lives1 but have just earned their daily bread by obeying the dictates of some foul capitalist who thinks of nothing but filling his own pockets4 ,politics may be dirty1 but there is nothing quite so foul in this country as journalism4 ,unless we can make boys rise above the pinchbeck claptrap of the cheaper writers we fail entirely to educate them4 ,to pin one's faith to anything but one's own intellect is to fail to make anything of life4 ,i've tried every means in my power of late to rouse my boys to take an interest in their work1 to show them the continuity of history1 the reason why we read good literature1 the reason for exercising the faculties3 we must send them out into the world with the critical spirit fully developed1 not ready to be gulled by every shibboleth of party politics or mad cry in the market-place of people with axes to grind4 ,we want them to mould other people's opinions1 not to take everything ready made--as a sort of reach-me-down suit that they can wear without question4 ,i want them to probe all difficulties and not to rest until they have planted the new ,jerusalem in this green and pleasant land of ,england4 ,of all missionary work1 this is the most important1 to get people to think for themselves1 not to have minds like the rows of suburban villas in which they live1 each one an exact replica of its neighbour's2 dull1 correct1 unambitious1 cramped and futile1 but to launch out in experiments1 to probe for some underlying purpose in life1 to keep on searching for some ,holy ,grail1 to work for the amelioration of mankind and the progress of humanity1 not to sit down quietly under abuses but sword in hand to set out to destroy the powers of evil4 ,one gets easily worked up to preach the gospel of the nobility of work to boys3 the hard part of the task is to rouse them from the appalling apathy and listlessness which characterize them4 ,they are used to being shouted at and preached to--they don't take the trouble to listen to one quarter of what one says4 ,they can understand punishment1 but they have very little use for a mere appeal to their better nature1 their reason or their emotion4 ,every night at #f4cj ,i have a voluntary class for ,shakespeare lovers4 ,we run through play after play1 and those who come on the whole gain a great deal4 ,the difficulty is to get them to come4 ,the great majority of them prefer to go over to the gym4 or to laze about in their studies4 ,they don't realize at all that ,i have to eat my dinner in five instead of thirty minutes in order to give them this time4 ,they look on me as a sort of ,shakespeare fanatic and come only when there is nothing else to do4 ,they have no idea that ,shakespeare has something very definite to say to them1 some principle of life to disclose for their benefit1 if only they will do their part4 ,they all think that there is some royal road to learning by which all virtue can be achieved without ardour1 energy or suffering4 ,if they could only hear the complaints of ,old ,boys who come back and discuss over the fireside their wasted opportunities it would do them a world of good4 ,i try every means ,i can think of to interest my forms4 ,i lecture on a century of ,english literature and get each boy to select a subject and make it his own by reading up and writing a paper on his favourite author in that century4 ,these papers are read aloud before the rest of the form1 who comment favourably or adversely1 and debates are held to try the opinion of the ,house on the different verdicts formed by each member of the class4 ,i find my system of entertaining boys to tea a very expensive one4 ,i gave a large party to my form en bloc at the end of term3 it cost me #b #ajs4 ,i shouldn't mind if ,i were earning a living wage1 but #dj a year out of my #aej is docked for a pension scheme in which ,i take no interest1 and ,oxford bills still come in and ,i can never meet them4 ,the holidays1 too1 eat such a hole into one's salary4 ,i am always broke and always in debt4 ,i wish ,i could learn to save4 ,some men seem to have put by quite a lot for the inevitable rainy day4 ,i have had one good excursion lately4 ,our team won the ,rapid ,firing ,competition at ,bisley and ,i was sent down with the team to claim the cast of the ,winged ,victory which it is our good fortune to have won4 ,i have never seen a more motley crew than the different competitors who went up for prizes4 ,tony has got into the ,shooting ,,viii1 so ,i had him with me during this tour1 which gave me tremendous joy4 ,i managed to read ,edith ,wharton's wonderful romance of ,ethan ,frome in the train on the way down and ,the ,innocence of ,father ,brown coming back4 ,i have read the latter book to my form since4 ,they simply gloat over it4 ,it makes admirable material for reproduction3 another good idea is to read half of one of the stories and make them finish it in their own words--a sort of ,edwin ,drood idea4 ,thank ,god this term is over3 the tiredness of my brain can be guessed by the virulent language of my reports4 ,i had to write several of them over again because the ,head objected to my candour4 ,,xi ,august #ab1 #aiab ,camp at ,tidworth was a splendid holiday4 ,of course the ,plain is not so exciting as ,aldershot3 there are no baths and no towns to visit1 but ,i like the bare wildness of it all1 the undulating hills1 the wide views on every side1 the clumps of trees1 the gorse and the bracken4 ,they didn't work us very hard this year1 owing to the fact that there had been some row about overdoing it at ,aldershot last ,august4 ,that didn't worry me4 ,i don't come to camp to work4 ,i come to mix with as many boys as possible1 to get to know their little ways--,i come to join in the rags at sing-song1 to see what sort of material the other schools produce1 to laugh at the amazing scenes in the officers' mess1 to get back some of the sleep ,i seem to have lost at school1 to learn a little military work1 to live an open-air rough-and-tumble life for a few days1 and in short to enjoy myself4 ,i had to leave early this year in order to take my ,m4,a4 ,it was the first time ,i had been back to ,oxford since ,i came down4 ,of all pointless things in life the taking of an ,m4,a4 seems about the most prominent4 ,why should ,i be supposed to be a more responsible creature because ,i pay a few more guineas into the already overfull ,university chest for the privilege of exchanging my rabbit's-fur hood for a red and black silk one8 ,anyway ,i followed the convention and felt inordinately important and wise for about two hours6 ,oxford in the ,long ,vac4 might please ,charles ,lamb but ,i hurried away as soon as ,i could4 ,i just glanced at a few shops1 reminded some long-suffering tradesmen that ,i was still alive and then caught a train for ,minehead1 where ,tony met me fresh from camp4 ,he had never been in ,devon before and ,i had invited him down in order that he should join me in the walk which ,i cannot repeat too often4 ,we went to ,cloutsham ,ball to see a meet of the ,devon and ,somerset staghounds1 and had the luck to see a kill at ,porlock ,weir3 we slept two nights at the ,ship ,inn and talked to ,carruthers ,gould and several other celebrities we met there2 then we tramped over the ,deer ,forest to ,badgeworthy ,water1 in which ,i fell and had to waste an afternoon in a croftsman's cottage while my flannels were dried4 ,we slept that night at the ,valley of ,rocks ,hotel at ,lynton4 ,i've never seen so many foreigners in ,devon4 ,somehow ,i resent the presence of these strangers in my native land3 ,i feel that ,i want to shut the gates and only permit such as can prove themselves worthy to gain access to the ,garden of ,eden4 ,it is dreadful to hear polyglot noises at breakfast and condescending praises of ,watersmeet and ,woody ,bay1 ,parracombe and ,combe ,martin from ,germans4 ,luckily very few of these visitors go far afield4 ,most of them only come to eat and drink and lounge in the gardens and sleep4 ,they don't really penetrate ,devon at all3 the secret of her charm still remains with her own children1 and with those to whom her children divulge it4 ,tony was in rhapsodies over the cliff walk to ,ilfracombe and delighted my aunts by praising all the scenery and giving detailed reasons for his appreciation4 ,september #bj1 #aiab ,tony only stayed in ,ilfracombe for a week1 but we made the most of our time4 ,he got on famously with my grandfather and kept him thoroughly amused4 ,we bathed twice a day and went to all the shows we could find1 coons and concerts and plays in the ,alexandra ,hall4 ,after he had gone ,i was left alone with my aunts and grandfather4 ,i used to read ,seton ,merriman aloud to them at nights4 ,my grandfather spends most of his time attempting to solve puzzles in ,john ,bull1 ,tit-,bits1 ,answers1 and so on4 ,a strange craze to occupy a man of eighty4 ,he is usually to be found at the ,county ,club1 of which he is the leading spirit4 ,my aunts and ,i go round district-visiting1 picnicking at ,woolacombe and ,lee1 getting up amusements for ,bible ,classes and ,sunday ,school scholars1 and calling on all the residents4 ,tiring of having no active occupation ,i started coaching an ,anglo-,indian boy who was staying at ,combe ,martin1 which ,i found interesting work4 ,he was a delightful fellow1 typical of all that is best in the ,charterhouse type4 ,i felt that ,i was paying my way by working with him1 and thoroughly enjoyed it4 ,in my spare time1 spurred on by my grandfather's efforts1 ,i started going in for the weekly ,westminster competitions1 without meeting with any success4 ,my main enjoyment was watching the ,cardiff and ,swansea trippers coming off the channel steamers and exploring the delights of ,ilfracombe4 ,it is for these people that the shops spread out their garish wares of cheap meretricious novels1 vulgar post cards1 hideous china and other mementoes4 ,i ate pounds and pounds of cream and was growing fat and lazy1 when ,i suddenly found myself called away to ,chesterfield to coach a boy for the ,london ,matriculation at the rate of ten guineas for ten days4 ,the contrast was too awful4 ,chesterfield is one of the grimiest and most hideous of towns on the borders of ,derbyshire and ,yorkshire4 ,my pupil was a slack1 good-for-nothing1 over-affluent1 overgrown youth who had to pass in ,english1 knowing none4 ,his father1 who was a colliery owner1 happened also to be a ,director of ,education for the county1 and was anxious to know what education really meant4 ,he had read ,huxley1 ,spencer and ,darwin1 and no one else4 ,i asked him to come along and join his son and the three of us went through the history of ,english literature from ,shakespeare to the present day4 ,the father was really interested1 the son frankly bored4 ,in mathematics the boy knew far more than ,i did1 but he could not frame an ,english sentence for any money4 ,neither could he see the use of poetry1 drama1 novel or essay4 ,i was taken to the ,corporation ,baths1 ,i was motored all over the place1 ,i encountered some of the rudest people ,i have ever met in my life1 and ,i was thoroughly miserable for ten whole days in a house which stank of money and where everything was uncomfortable and wrong4 ,work was the only relief4 ,the abjectness of the shops and the people's faces threatened to drive me mad1 so great was the contrast between ,chesterfield and my ,devon home4 ,how any one could live for choice in an ugly misbegotten place like this ,i can't think4 ,it seemed to me to invite crime or at least criminal thoughts4 ,the meals were one long unendurable agony3 high tea of pine-apple1 blancmange and tinned salmon at #e4de1 #g4cj or #h4de1 according as the master returned from work4 ,i went hungry most days4 ,after a day ,i found myself studying this new type closely3 the father collects the most evil oil-paintings and the most exquisite old oak furniture4 ,they have a pigsty in the front garden1 which occupies their spare hours4 ,the old man is deeply religious1 very methodical1 ,liberal in politics1 very quiet1 very anxious not to spend money1 as honest as the day1 fond of power and passionately devoted to his son4 ,he keeps a journal containing a list of all the books he reads and his opinions of them4 ,i went into barracks at ,exeter for a few days before returning to ,ilfracombe1 to keep my hand in1 but ,i was chafing all the time to get back to the sea and freedom4 ,the convention of mess is only less nauseating than that of ,common ,room4 ,for the last fortnight of the holidays ,i went up home to stay with my people and had to submit to being shown to people as a sort of prize pig4 ,a round of tea-fights and bridge-drives1 walks and sleep4 ,i don't seem to be able to get going with any original writing4 ,i wonder why in the world they give us such long holidays4 ,in eight weeks one ought to be able to achieve something1 write a novel or at any rate perform something useful4 ,instead of which we travel up and down the country and waste the precious hours--,i hate not being actively occupied every hour of every day--life is damned dull that way4 ,there must be thousands of men who would give anything to get as much holiday as ,i do1 whereas ,i chafe and long to be back at work again weeks before the time comes to return4 ,it's pleasant to get a chance of seeing my father and mother1 though they are never very communicative4 ,my father is out visiting in the parish all and every day1 and only gets back late at night1 and my mother is usually very busy in the house or shopping4 ,i accompany them in their walks as a general rule1 but they are not interested in talk about ,radchester--they like to discuss books1 but my mother reads little but theological and philosophical treatises4 ,my father lives for humour3 he is amazingly witty in himself 7his letters are a treasure-house of shrewd and excruciatingly funny character-sketches of his parishioners7 and he is passionately fond of wit in others4 ,i wish ,i inherited some of this gift4 ,i find that ,i am too deadly serious4 ,i get too excited over my schemes to reform mankind4 ,he is too kindly and tolerant1 too good-natured and easy-going to try to shock people out of their indifference4 ,my mother looks on my educational ideals as a sort of mania out of which ,i shall grow when ,i come to years of discretion3 she thinks all education nonsense and a mistake4 ,i find that ,i become pretty well the ideal lotus-eater at home4 ,i sleep from #aj ,p4,m4 to #i in the morning and then read whatever ,i can lay my hands on if it is wet1 or go out in the parish if it is fine4 ,if ,i write1 which is seldom1 ,i rarely give up more than a couple of hours a day to it4 ,i ought to imitate ,a4 ,c4 ,benson and write two or three hours regularly daily1 year in1 year out--but ,i never do anything regularly4 ,if ,i were ever to write a novel ,i should finish it in a fortnight or three weeks4 ,i can't bear to have anything hanging over my head4 ,i am always afraid lest ,i should die in the middle and then find all the good work go for nothing4 ,i wish ,i could cultivate the calm patience of these men1 who work steadily for fifty years to produce some little thesis4 ,would ,i had the calm assurance of ,lord ,acton or ,lord ,morley4 ,if ,i could only cultivate a sense of arrangement4 ,here am ,i a strenuous and not altogether unsuccessful teacher of ,english1 and ,i can't even string paragraphs together properly4 ,that's why ,i like writing up my diary4 ,i don't have to worry about arrangement4 ,i can just write down things as they occur to me1 matters of infinite moment cheek by jowl with ephemeral topics of the hour4 ,i have been reading ,montaigne's ,essays of late and derived considerable comfort therefrom4 ,i always carry a book about in my pocket wherever ,i go1 one of the ,world's ,classics for preference3 it effectually prevents me from getting peevish if ,i have to wait for a train or in a shop to be attended to4 ,these holidays ,i have read very thoroughly ,john ,stuart ,mill ,on ,liberty and ,hobbes's ,leviathan in this way4 ,oh for a lucid pen like ,mill's or an orderly mind like ,hobbes'4 ,such books are best read quietly and in small quantities at a time4 ,when ,i read a novel ,i tear the heart out of it1 just as ,doctor ,johnson did4 ,there are very few novels ,i can't get through in a day4 ,i usually sit up to finish them if ,i can't manage it otherwise4 ,my mother says that ,i can't possibly remember what ,i read and that it's pure waste of time to read in this way1 but ,i think ,i generally manage to squeeze the best out of a book in this way4 ,anyway ,i was born to hurry3 ,i think it's a vice1 but impetuosity and turbulence are two characteristics that ,i must have been endowed with by my fairy godmother4 ,it is this same idiosyncrasy which prevents me from being a good letter-writer4 ,i write to dozens and dozens of boys and friends like ,ruth1 but ,i never express myself adequately1 simply because ,i don't take enough trouble4 ,if genius really means the taking of infinite pains ,i must be the least of a genius that ever lived1 for ,i only write when it is easy to me1 and on subjects that don't require that ,i should refer to handbooks all the time4 ,on the other hand1 ,samuel ,butler has some comforting light to shed on that topic4 ,october #e1 #aiab ,eight weeks is too long a holiday4 ,one gets out of touch with all things pertaining to discipline and rules4 ,as time goes on one begins to chafe less at what seem ridiculous restrictions2 they become part of the day's work1 just as ,i suppose if ,i were in the ,army the red tape of the orderly room would not worry me after a year or two4 ,i have just had young ,pollock staying with me4 ,he is now a gunner of two years' standing4 ,it seems only yesterday ,i was training him for ,woolwich4 ,he can't understand why ,i stay in so heathen an atmosphere as a school4 ,the rules he simply ignores4 ,i find him smoking on his way across the square to breakfast1 turning on my gramophone while the boys are at work1 sitting in my window-seat in full gaze of the school1 glass in hand1 drinking whisky4 ,he has no sort of respect for my seniors1 but swears genially in ,common ,room1 seizes the best chairs1 takes up the whole of the fireplace and the only copy of the ,times1 while ,hallows and ,co4 gnash their teeth1 purple with rage in the background4 ,the best of it is that he is quite unaware that he is giving offence4 ,he is extraordinarily genial1 if somewhat condescending in his manner towards them4 ,it is a pure joy to watch him with them3 he so exactly represents the world's attitude towards the whole race of ushers4 ,they are poor1 ignorant1 down-at-heel devils1 but it's as well to be kind to them4 ,that is the sort of feeling that ,pollock has1 ,i know3 you can see it in his every action4 ,i suppose the difference between ,common ,room and a gunner mess is fairly wide4 ,i have just been reading ,f4 ,r4 ,g4 ,duckworth's ,leaves from a ,pedagogue's ,sketch-,book4 ,i wish ,i had his gift for writing4 ,i could a tale unfold of life at a ,public ,school which would dispel a few hundred of the fatuous superstitions that have grown1 ,i know not how1 round our ancient homes of learning4 ,but if ,i did even so much as reveal this diary ,i should be out of a job in a week4 ,we are in the middle of one of the more delectable sorts of row4 ,a few days ago a field-day was fixed against ,blowborough1 but it had to be scratched owing to disease on their part4 ,a ,house match was hastily substituted and duly posted at #ab4de on the day4 ,one of the ,houses refused to turn out because they were not given longer warning4 ,hallows is in a fine state of frenzy4 ,what will happen to the captain of the offending ,house ,i can't think4 ,games bloods do occasionally get obstreperous1 but do not often care to risk ,hallows' wrath4 ,i shall be interested to see the dnouement4 ,i have been into ,scarborough with ,pollock to see ,passers-,by and ,hindle ,wakes4 ,houghton's play seems to me to be epoch-making4 ,quite apart from its merits as a play the subject was 7to me7 so novel4 ,it expresses so much of the new spirit1 the spirit that refuses to be limited by the narrow conventions of its fathers and carves out a new line for itself regardless of public opinion4 ,it seems to me that ,fanny ,hawthorn was quite justified in refusing to marry the man she went off with4 ,he was just an amusement1 an adventure4 ,two wrongs can never make a right4 ,she wanted a week-end of liberty1 excitement--call it what you will1 and took it1 ready to pay her part of the damage4444 ,the evil certainly does not lie in her refusal to marry the man1 but1 if there is any 7which ,i take leave to doubt71 in going off with him in the first place4 ,there are people who have to learn what life means by getting burnt3 she was lucky enough only to get singed and not ruined for life4 ,her sort does not go on the streets4 ,she probably settled down to married life with a man after her own heart very soon4 ,but does the quiet humdrum pleasure of safe marriage ever give the golden ecstatic moments that come from dangerous romantic passionate episodes of a day8 ,the audience made me acutely sick4 ,they shivered with delight at the daring of it--though what there is daring in it ,i don't know4 ,it is more like a sermon than a play4 ,we are acting ,the ,great ,adventure at ,radchester3 just half a dozen of us in ,common ,room suddenly hit upon the idea4 ,we have the new ,bursar for stage manager1 a fellow called ,harding4 ,he has been all sorts of things1 including music-hall proprietor1 actor and stage manager of a suburban theatre4 ,he does not find it easy to fall into line with our rigid conventions4 ,outwardly he conforms rather well1 being a born actor1 but he manages to live two quite distinct lives1 one which pleases the heart of the ,head ,master1 energetic at his work1 asking no questions and simply doing his duty1 the other1 lighthearted and gay away in the town where he spends a great deal of his time4 ,in conjunction with one of the music masters he is writing a musical comedy3 they practise scenes every night4 ,it is most ludicrously silly1 but certainly not worse than #ij per cent4 of the musical comedies ,i have seen4 ,harding has a distinct turn for witty lyrical writing1 built on a lifelong devotion to ,w4 ,s4 ,gilbert4 ,the club has improved since ,i first joined it3 we all now try to improvise something to earn our cake and whisky4 ,harding writes songs1 ,benson puts them to music1 ,jimson and ,i dance or tell stories1 some one plays a banjo or a violin1 and we rouse the night air with a catch4 ,i don't altogether like even all the members of the club1 but when ,i get very lonely or depressed in my own rooms ,i go there1 in order to forget myself awhile4 ,i don't seem able to make any close friend on the staff4 ,there is no one there1 for instance1 who matters to me half so much as ,tony1 and at times ,i doubt whether ,i ought to take up so much of his attention4 ,after all1 a boy at school comes to play and work among his equals1 not to mix with grown-ups4 ,tony has too many advanced ideas1 owing1 ,i suppose1 to the books ,i lend him and the talks we have so frequently together4 ,i must try to deny myself the pleasure of his society more than ,i do4 ,of late ,i have been extraordinarily pleased at some of the work which several boys have shown up4 ,really quite a number of the short stories and verses ,i get are worthy of publication in some magazines4 ,i try to encourage boys to submit their best stuff after ,i have sub-edited it to various editors with whom ,i have dealings4 ,tony has already had one poem accepted by the ,monthly ,magazine4 ,i find that the average boy drinks in ,swinburne1 ,morris and ,henley with extraordinary relish when he won't look at ,keats and ,shelley4 ,the first business is to get him really interested in anything3 the decadent phase will soon pass4 ,i tried ,the ,dynasts on them and failed miserably4 ,the really good stuff is utterly beyond them--perhaps they'll remember later on and come back to it with proper understanding4 ,i must share my own great joys and discoveries in literature3 ,i can't keep a really fine thing like ,the ,dynasts to myself4 ,common ,room won't listen3 they think ,i'm crazy on the moderns for whom they have no use--not that they read the ancients1 but they do allow them a place in education4 ,the moderns they abuse as mere wasters of time4 ,i have been trying for various ,head ,masterships and been offered that of ,chipping ,campden4 ,i was particularly tempted to accept it at first1 because of the beauty of the place4 ,mais1 ,stapleton1 and ,i used to walk out there from ,oxford on ,sundays3 it is one of the most perfect medival towns ,i know1 but it is probably too remote from the bustle of life for a man like myself4 ,anyway ,i refused it4 ,december #bj1 #aiab ,we have had some good sermons this term from visitors4 ,one man on the ,beauty of ,holiness tried to make us see what there was of beauty in even this arid wilderness3 he succeeded rather well--but then1 of course1 he doesn't have to live here4 ,he vainly imagines that we consider the sea to be the real sea instead of a waste of grey water1 ugly and cruel4 ,then we had a most famous man1 who tried to make all the school go and confess their vices to him3 his mistake was to imagine that there was but one vice and that one practised by #ij per cent4 of the school4 ,you can't do much with a man who has got a bee in his bonnet to that extent4 ,although he was sincere and obviously affected many of the boys1 he rather irritated me4 ,i wish ,i could settle in my mind what is the sort of sermon boys ought to have4 ,the one we had last term on keeping the ,divine spark alive was certainly the best ,i have ever heard1 but that may be because ,i agreed with every word about the necessity of cultivating individuality and imagination4 ,in some ways it would be good for us to hear more about ,church doctrine3 we are really rather vague about our beliefs4 ,i am afraid the ragging of ,koenig is not confined to the boys3 he has lately been elected to the club1 and we do our level best to make him drunk3 we tell him the tallest of yarns about impossible old customs which we celebrate for his benefit4 ,he must think us--oh1 ,i don't know what he makes of us4 ,in my heart ,i am really sorry for him4 ,of late ,i have taken to going to see him by myself4 ,of course by now he sees that he has been hopelessly ragged ever since he came1 but he has a wonderful belief that in the end he will settle down4 ,when this generation has passed on1 he will be stricter and the younger boys will reverence him4 ,poor devil1 he doesn't realize that his name is already a byword and that it will become a standing tradition to rag him for all time4 ,there is the case of old ,parsnips ,askew3 he has been here for thirty years and not a day passes without some silly trick being passed upon him4 ,sometimes his form will come clad as if for amateur theatricals with the excuse that they hadn't time to change1 and they will go on with their 7imagined7 rehearsal while he tries in vain to teach4 ,on other occasions they come in in uniform and drill2 there are endless variants3 four or five will faint and the rest of the form rush about in all directions for water or carry the bodies out and never return4 ,i don't envy ,askew his life at all4 ,boys are merciless devils when they find they have a master in their power4 ,it is all very well to say that a man must have the whip-hand of his class4 ,once he has lost it he stands precious little chance of ever regaining it4 ,koenig is pathetically anxious to make good4 ,for some obscure reason he loves the life here and dreads every day lest he should receive notice to quit4 ,i suppose this love of ragging is ingrained4 ,although ,i sympathize with and quite like the poor old ass1 yet ,i am as bad as anybody at pulling his leg4 ,about three weeks ago four of us all pretended to be as drunk as man can be and we knocked him about in a most shameful manner and kicked up the devil of a row in his rooms1 half wrecking the place4 ,in the end he had to put each of us to bed4 ,after ,the ,great ,adventure1 in which ,i was too nervous to be much good1 ,i got bitten with the craze of acting1 and made my ,saturday evening juniors prepare two short plays for the last night of term4 ,that has taken up every hour of my spare time lately and most of my hard-earned salary1 for ,i have to feed the whole cast at every rehearsal4 ,we've got a wonderful new parson master this term who has any amount of originality and cares for no authority4 ,he preached the other day on the text of a man bearing a pitcher of water1 emphasizing the need for men to take upon themselves the duty of bearing religion into the home and not leaving it to the women4 ,i rather think that he fulfils my ideal of a school preacher4 ,he never has any notes1 but simply talks in a most personal way about the difficulties that beset him1 problems of public interest1 even controversial topics4 ,he1 at any rate1 tries to rouse the intellectual and sthetic faculties and he is inordinately cheerful always in spite of wretched health4 ,boys crowd to his rooms for spiritual advice4 ,he is almost the perfect mediator that a priest should be3 his own devotion to ,god irradiates from him at all times and in all places4 ,he is ever gay and sunny1 and refuses resolutely ever to be drawn into the thousand little petty quarrels in which the rest of us indulge3 his own forms worship him4 ,i have made friends with several outcasts this term1 boys who don't fit into the scheme of things and are as a consequence morose1 irritable and unhappy4 ,i try my best to make them see the point of school rules and all the rest of the red tape against which they rebel1 but ,i do so in such an unconvincing1 lukewarm way that ,i might just as well keep silence4 ,at any rate they have a refuge in my rooms and thank ,god they take it4 ,i have had a very good offer made me by the ,head ,master of ,welborough4 ,he wants me at once4 ,when ,i went to see the ,head ,master about it he refused to let me go4 ,of course1 said he1 if you choose to pay the school a term's salary for breach of contract1 ,i cannot prevent you from leaving but---- ,i can't see myself able to forfeit a whole term's salary at any period of my career4 ,so that's that6 ,of course ,i am not anxious to leave because of my innumerable friends among the boys3 ,i am rather like a cat in some ways4 ,if ,i had any sense ,i should take no notice of the ,head1 who really loathes me1 and go4 ,three members of the staff are leaving4 ,no one stays here long1 and really ,i don't wonder4 ,there seems very little point in cutting oneself right off from human life1 or the chance of ever making any money or any good thing out of life4 ,and yet ,i stay 444 ,i am very like a cat4 ,,xii ,december #ca1 #aiab ,my form play was a great success on the last night of term3 boys really are far better actors than grown-up people as a rule4 ,they enter into the spirit of the part more quickly4 ,i spent ,christmas quietly at home1 reading1 overeating myself1 writing letters1 dispatching ,christmas cards1 attending a vast number of church services1 visiting the cottagers1 dancing in the village schoolroom1 and gossiping with my father and mother4 ,on the #bgth ,i came down to ,bath for the ,christmas dances4 ,that night1 at the first one1 ,i found to my intense disappointment that ,ruth was unable at the last minute to come4 ,that young ass ,conyngham arrived just after me4 ,i therefore dashed into the vestibule as quickly as ,i could to see if ,elspeth ,tetley was there4 ,to my great joy she was1 and alone1 and 7woman-like7 as different as possible in her behaviour from last year4 ,she smiled cordially as ,i bore down upon her4 ,h'lo1 ,mr4 ,traherne2 it's a long time since we last saw you in ,bath4 ,yes1 and the last time ,i saw you you cut me3 you cut my dances1 you cut me in the street--you---- ,all right1 don't get peevish3 how many do you want to-night8 ,none1 if you're going to cut them all4 ,come now1 let's bury the hatchet2 you'll have to hurry4 ,i see half the earth waiting to wring your neck because you won't say what dances you want4 ,well1 how many are booked8 ,i've only just come4 ,yes1 but that means nothing4 ,well1 tell me how many you want4 ,as many as you can jolly well let me have4 ,here's my card1 fill it up as you like4 ,do you really mean that8 ,i do3 for goodness' sake hurry up4 ,how many have you taken8 ,oh6 stop1 stop1 you can't have them all4 ,well1 ,i've only taken eleven as yet4 ,eleven6 we shall set the whole of ,bath talking4 ,who cares8 ,oh6 it's all jolly fine for you1 but what about me1 the poor defenceless maiden8 ,where's the little girl you usually dance with all night8 ,ruth8 ,she's not coming4 ,oh1 that's why---- ,you must go--here's ,mr4 ,conyngham and all the gang4 ,you'll really keep those eleven8 ,wait and see4 ,yes1 yes1 of course ,i will4 ,go away6 ,so ,i have got to know ,elspeth after all4 ,i never spent such a night in my life4 ,she beats every girl ,i have ever met in every possible way--she's prettier1 more talkative1 more seductive1 more lovable1 more--more everything4 ,she wanted to know all about me and told me all her life history3 we fixed up all sorts of meetings and grew more and more pleased with each other as the evening went on4 ,she is the best dancer ,i ever struck and likes my style of dancing better than the more fantastic and modern methods of ,conyngham1 against whom she seems to harbour a pretty active dislike1 to my great astonishment4 ,i wonder what's happened4 ,they were as thick as thieves all last year4 ,the next day ,i met her again for a few minutes4 ,i tramped up and down ,milsom ,street until ,i saw her4 ,i took ,ruth to the pantomime at ,bristol in the afternoon and to ,gypsy ,love in ,bath at night4 ,elspeth was also there4 ,yesterday ,i went to the rink with ,ruth and saw ,elspeth again1 and this afternoon ,i managed to get away from all my crowd and have tea with ,elspeth at the rink3 so ends the year #aiab4 ,i seem to be getting fonder of the other sex and not to be quite so nervous and hoydenish in their presence as ,i used to be a year ago4 ,bath has educated me a good deal4 ,i am much more the normal man of society than ,i ever thought ,i was going to be4 ,january #a1 #aiac ,life has moved since yesterday4 ,to-night was the ,lansdown ,cricket ,club ,ball4 ,i divided my programme equally between ,ruth and ,elspeth4 ,elspeth was looking wonderful in a filmy sort of pink strawberry frock4 ,everything went quite normally and gaily until number fifteen1 after which ,elspeth and ,i found a sitting-out room in inky darkness4 ,suddenly she leant over1 my arms were about her neck1 we kissed 444 and now ,i live in a different world4 ,even now ,i can't believe it4 ,it seems impossible that she should love me4 ,yet she has promised to marry me4 ,i never dreamt such luck could be mine4 ,she seemed so far above me1 so obviously a match for the best of men and not for a poor drudge of a schoolmaster4 ,she says that for a whole year she has been thinking about me and meant to marry me all along1 only she was afraid ,i was already engaged or about to be4 ,we sat out all the rest of the dances4 ,i am living on air4 ,i am much too cheerful and can't sleep at all4 ,i want to go out and shout my good fortune to the skies4 ,what are we going to live on ,i wonder8 ,what will my people or hers say about it8 ,i only know that nothing will induce me to give her up4 ,i seem to be a quite different person from what ,i was this time yesterday4 ,i know that then ,i never thought that ,i should have the ghost of a chance of even knowing ,elspeth well1 and now she is willing and anxious to live with me for the rest of my life4 ,january #bc1 #aiac ,the day after ,i was engaged ,i took ,elspeth up to ,london with the idea of going to see the ,south ,africans play footer at ,richmond4 ,when we got to ,paddington we decided to do two theatres instead1 so we lunched in the ,haymarket and went to see ,the ,dancing ,mistress1 which was rotten1 and ,doormats at night4 ,we didn't get back till half-past three the next morning4 ,it was on that day that ,i was formally introduced to her people1 who were most kind and asked me to stay1 which invitation ,i naturally accepted4 ,so ,i moved my belongings up to the ,crescent where they live1 and in two or three days ,i began to receive telegrams and letters by the hundred congratulating me4 ,every day we took the dogs for walks1 played billiards or went out with the beagles4 ,old ,general ,tetley1 ,elspeth's father1 is a dear1 very kind to me and quite willing to allow us to be engaged and even talked of our being married in a year if ,i could get a better job than my present one at ,radchester4 ,mrs4 ,tetley gave us the run of the house and we were left pretty well to our own devices4 ,elspeth's brothers and sisters 7she has two of each7 all appeared to congratulate us at one time or another3 they are an extremely cheery family and ,i love them all4 ,after a week of bliss at the ,tetley's ,i took ,elspeth up to see my father and mother1 in order to let her see our part of the country4 ,she took to them at once as they did to her4 ,the rest of the holidays passed like lightning3 so long as ,elspeth was with me ,i was perfectly happy1 doing nothing at all but listening to her play and sing or talk--the thought of having to separate1 however1 went near to driving me mad4 ,when the time came for me to return here1 ,i simply could not face it4 ,that last morning we walked over the moor and talked about anything to keep our minds off the afternoon and then at #a4dh ,i took her south as far as ,derby1 where she caught the ,bath express and left me standing1 absolutely lifeless1 waiting for the train to take me back to ,scarborough and ,radchester4 ,the pain of parting is the most excruciating agony that ,i have ever undergone in my life4 ,i had often imagined that it must be awful for lovers to have to part1 but ,i had no idea it meant all this4 ,i wanted to throw myself under the train rather than put any more miles between us4 ,i tried to read3 ,i had bought every kind of interesting magazine3 it was all no use4 ,i tried to talk to people in the train3 they bored me to distraction4 ,by the time ,i got to ,leeds ,i was joined by a crowd of boys whom normally ,i am only too glad to see4 ,i couldn't find a word to say to them4 ,elspeth--,elspeth--,elspeth--the one word throbbed through my head the whole way back4 ,i kept on wondering what she was doing at each moment of the journey4 ,i started to pour out my soul on paper4 ,i want to go on writing to her all day4 ,nothing else interests me4 ,i can't work4 ,i take no interest in anything4 ,i can't possibly face a year of this cruel agony4 ,i'd far rather die4 ,february #b1 #aiac ,i have tried in every sort of direction to find another job4 ,i can't possibly torture ,elspeth by bringing her here even if ,i could afford to keep her1 which ,i can't4 ,i answer advertisements of every kind4 ,i think ,i must have approached every ,head ,master in the kingdom4 ,one business firm wrote from the ,city and asked me to go down to see their directors1 and ,i did1 but all they could offer me was a sort of glorified commercial traveller's job1 my income to be solely on commission1 which isn't good enough4 ,i saw ,the ,younger ,generation while ,i was in ,london1 which pleased me a good deal1 but ,london without ,elspeth is as hopeless as anywhere else4 ,my pangs are just as acute4 ,i'm working like the devil and playing games every day1 but at night ,i'm so homesick or rather so sick with longing for ,elspeth that ,i don't know what to do4 ,if only ,i'd got some long-suffering friend in whom to confide1 but even ,tony can't fill her place6 ,march #b1 #aiac ,i've applied for educational posts in ,egypt1 ,india1 ,bangkok1 all over the world4 ,i've been collecting testimonials from my colleagues4 ,i suppose all testimonials are the same1 but ,i'd no idea ,i was such a wonderfully gifted teacher as all my ,dons and ,senior ,colleagues make me out to be4 ,it's good of them to lie on my behalf like this when ,i've behaved so rottenly to them4 ,i was getting on well with my continued bombardment at every door of employment and working like a nigger1 when suddenly ,i got a really bad bout of flu3 it left me a complete wreck4 ,i had to get up before ,i was really fit in order to go to interview the ,colonial ,office about a job in ,nigeria4 ,i felt properly seedy1 but ,i kept the appointment1 and then suddenly lost all control of myself4 ,i couldn't face the prospect of going back to ,radchester1 so ,i just took a train for ,bath1 telegraphed to ,elspeth and arrived4 ,she was a good deal surprised and upset4 ,i was put straight to bed for ten days and now ,i'm recovering from bronchitis4 ,i never enjoyed a disease before1 but it was sheer ,heaven to have ,elspeth nursing me4 ,i felt serenely contented and didn't care what happened to me4 ,of late ,i have been very carefully considering whether or not ,i ought to be ordained4 ,periodically ,i get what seems to me a clear call4 ,elspeth is against it4 ,i don't quite know why4444 ,she came to see me off at ,bristol when ,i was convalescent4 ,again the agony of parting was almost unendurable4 ,i clung to her like a small baby until the very last moment1 utterly regardless of the other passengers4 ,all the way up in the ,north ,express ,i suffered horrors of nightmares4 ,the hills and towns looked for the first time in my life cold and hostile4 ,it was all ,i could do to keep myself from jumping out and taking the next train back4 ,i know ,elspeth does not suffer quite so acutely as ,i do4 ,i'm glad4 ,it's too terrible a strain on the nervous system4 ,april #c1 #aiac ,it was all ,i could do to keep going to the end of this term1 but ,i managed it somehow4 ,i've thrown myself into my work as never before3 when ,i am actually in form1 teaching1 or in the afternoons playing games ,i am more or less sane1 but ,i am perilously near madness when the night draws on and the hours creep past and ,i am left alone with nothing to console me but her photographs1 her letters and my letters to her4 ,she is my whole aim and end of living3 ,i've tried going to theatres in ,scarborough1 ,i've tried to coach all the boys for the sports1 ,i've played ,rugger and hockey with greater venom than ever before1 with the rather humorous result that ,i now have spoilt my upper lip for ever4 ,i got it cut all to pieces3 it was very cleverly sewn up1 but ,i guess it's going to be awry for the rest of my life4 ,i have had a fearful1 nightly fear of dying before ,i can taste the bliss of married life4 ,i wish ,i could rid myself of this fear3 it's the same sort of funk that makes me rush ahead with anything that ,i am writing1 lest ,i should die before it is finished3 it's a most unreasoning1 foolish obsession1 but one that ,i am totally unable to eradicate4 ,i owe more than ,i can ever repay to ,maurice ,hewlett4 ,i have found it increasingly hard to concentrate my attention on to any book or author since ,i became engaged3 now ,i've found ,the ,forest ,lovers1 ,mrs4 ,launcelot1 ,half-,way ,house1 and others of his novels1 and ,i have been really engrossed1 and literally forgotten all about my gnawing agonies while reading him4 ,poor old ,parsnips ,askew has been sacked after thirty years' service1 for incompetence4 ,i never in my life heard such a blackguardly action4 ,many mean things have been done since ,i came here1 taking evidence against boys in confession before ,confirmation1 putting the blame for wrong judgments on to shoulders less well able to bear them1 for example1 but this beats all4 ,askew has devoted the best years of his life to ,radchester and in spite of being persistently ragged by every boy in the place for two or three generations1 he has certainly done a tremendous amount of good in his own honest1 simple way4 ,april #h1 #aiac ,as soon as ever the term was over ,i rushed back to ,bath to stay with ,elspeth4 ,there was an ,easter ,dance the very first night4 ,elspeth and ,i had every one of them together4 ,it was like returning to ,heaven straight out of ,hell4 ,i had been holding myself in leash so severely for the past few weeks that ,i was perilously near to a severe breakdown4 ,elspeth and ,i went to all the point-to-point meetings together and ,i recalled my envious longings of the year before4 ,now ,i am as content and as happy as it is possible for man to be4 ,there isn't a shadow on the horizon4 ,we wander about ,bath arm-in-arm1 have tea at ,fortt's tte--tte1 go to the theatre together1 shop1 and in the evening ,elspeth and her mother make things for her bottom drawer1 while ,i pretend to read or write4 ,may #c1 #aiac ,i took ,elspeth down to ,ilfracombe for a fortnight in ,april in order to introduce her to my grandfather and aunts4 ,i have never known ,devon more glorious even in the spring4 ,just to take her to all my favourite nooks and creeks and hear her eulogies on them is worth ,heaven in itself4 ,she is almost as true a lover of the ,west ,country as ,i am4 ,we motored to ,clovelly and ,hartland1 we went on the sea a good deal2 she is a far better sailor than ,i am4 ,i keep on applying for every sort of likely vacancy that ,i hear of4 ,the thought of the long summer term frightens me4 ,i can confide in my people3 they understand4 ,they say1 ,get married3 you won't be happy till you do--never mind about the money1 that'll come4 ,the ,tetleys1 on the other hand1 can't understand what they call my foolish impetuosity4 ,what's the hurry8 say they4 ,we are both very young4 ,elspeth is devoted to her parents1 and so we are at a deadlock4 ,after three months of being engaged ,i have tried to find out what are the peculiar attractions of ,elspeth4 ,i can't write them down4 ,i don't know4 ,she is amazingly shrewd and self-possessed3 she very rarely shows her hand2 as an observer of human nature ,i've never come across any one to parallel her--she never misses anything4 ,she is a quite unusually capable musician1 a peerless dancer and intellectual--oh1 ,i can't catalogue her like this3 all ,i know is that ,i love her so passionately that life without her is inconceivable4444 ,we have so far compromised that ,elspeth and ,i are to be married in ,august if ,i can get a job of #cjj a year by then4 ,may #bj1 #aiac ,it was worse than ever coming back to ,radchester this time4 ,the long holiday all alone with ,elspeth makes life without her more unbearable than ever4 ,i don't suppose people in our position usually feel like this4 ,most of the engaged couples whom ,i know are delightfully placid4 ,men are quite glad to get away from their fiances and have a fling with their old acquaintances before the gates of the prison-house of marriage finally close on them4 ,i seem to have changed entirely since ,i met her4 ,i am now simply a bundle of nerves enduring agonies of apprehension daily4 ,i am afraid of everything1 afraid lest she should be ill1 afraid lest she should find some one she likes better than me4 ,i have as yet really no claim on her4 ,i suppose a passion of this sort comes to most men never1 to a few just once and never leaves them4 ,i haven't written a sensible word in an article since that eventful night in ,january1 which now seems twenty or thirty years ago4 ,five minutes after ,i have left ,elspeth ,i feel as if ,i had been separated from her for months and were never likely to see her again4 ,i write the most pitiable1 unmanly1 mawkish letters to her3 she bears with me wonderfully4 ,i wonder if it would have been better for her if she married ,conyngham4 ,he has money and certainly would not be in danger of going off his head unless he was constantly with her4 ,i had always been led to believe that the time of one's engagement was full of ecstatic joys4 ,i wish ,i found it so4 ,all ,i crave is marriage and never having to separate from ,elspeth as long as ,i live4 ,every day this term1 instead of playing cricket1 ,i wander for miles alone1 looking at all the cottages and bungalows along the shore to find a cheap enough place for us to live in4 ,even ,tony1 though he does his best1 cannot soothe me in my present paroxysms4 ,it really is sheer cruelty to think of transplanting ,elspeth from a place like ,bath1 away from society and shops and friends and games and amusements to a dead-alive hole like this1 where she won't meet more than two girls of her own station in life in the year4 ,i just spend my time in praying for the days to pass more quickly4 ,i had no idea that twenty-four hours could possibly take so long in the passing4 ,nothing contents me4 ,i really try to plunge into my work but ,i have lost all interest for the moment1 even in ,english4 ,the only thing that consoles me is the fact that we have fixed the sixth of ,august for the wedding4 ,i am like some ,lower ,school fag3 every day ,i cross off the date from five or six calendars1 which ,i keep to show that so many days have gone1 so many have still to go4 ,i have interviewed the ,head ,master about my staying and he wants me even as a married man4 ,he has gone so far as to ask ,elspeth to come up this term and stay with him4 ,elspeth has all her time filled up making preparations for the wedding2 she doesn't seem to miss me as ,i do her1 which is after all not strange4 ,i seem to be the girl in this affair and she the man4 ,every day ,i suffer more and more4 ,now the boys have nearly all got measles and ,i am picturing myself as getting them too just when she arrives4 ,i have every sort of foreboding and dread on me all day and all night4 ,i haven't slept since ,i came back this term4 ,i wish ,i knew what was the matter with me4 ,day after day ,i watch for the post1 waiting for the offer of some job to arrive4 ,from the morning till the evening post seems a lifetime--but in the end ,i have been rewarded for my vigilant and arduous search4 ,i have just heard from the ,head ,master of ,marlton that he would like to see me on ,wednesday with a view to my taking a post on his staff in ,september4 ,i have written to ,elspeth to meet me in ,london and come the rest of the way with me4 ,i also mean to bring her back with me to ,radchester3 ,i can't stand the strain of this any longer4 ,june #aa1 #aiac ,i went to see ,marlton and ,elspeth joined me in ,london4 ,it is as about as different from ,radchester as ,heaven from ,hell4 ,it is about the most beautiful old town ,i have ever seen4 ,the country round is densely wooded1 with undulating hills of no very great height1 but extraordinarily picturesque4 ,after leaving ,lewes--it's in ,sussex--one seems to lose all touch with the hurry of modern life3 only the slowest of slow trains stops at ,marlton4 ,we were met at the old-world station1 at which no one seems ever to alight1 by a courteous old butler1 who led us up past the castle and the kennels to the ,priory1 a huge ,gothic church most beautifully proportioned1 with flying buttresses on the north and south4 ,the school is an adjunct of the ,priory and is exactly like an ,oxford ,college3 it has the same perfectly kept lawns1 the same remoteness from actuality1 the same quaint old cloisters and tiny courts and quadrangles4 ,all the buildings are hoary with age and ivy-covered4 ,the ,head ,master's house is set right in the middle of the school buildings3 the boys live in more modern houses scattered here and there about the town4 ,the ,head ,master and his wife were exceedingly pleasant both to ,elspeth and myself4 ,they showed us over the buildings1 which are indescribably beautiful2 the boys are all quieter and far more gentlemanly than the northerners and looked attractive and friendly4 ,we went down to the playing fields and watched them at cricket4 ,they have none of our absurd rules here3 there are no bounds and boys are given as much personal liberty as if they were at home4 ,it will be splendid to teach in such a place4 ,both ,elspeth and ,i were enchanted with it4 ,after a titanic battle1 ,i managed to get her to agree to come back to ,radchester to stay for a few days with the ,head ,master of the ,preparatory ,school1 who has always been good to me4 ,poor ,elspeth6 ,when she saw the bleak desolate plain of ,radchester she nearly wept4 ,thank ,god we are not going to live here4 ,she stayed at the ,prep4 for ten days and ,i spent every spare second with her4 ,every morning ,i used to go down to fetch her and she used to come up the shore to meet me1 looking just lovely4 ,she would sit and sew in my rooms all day so that ,i could get to her at once after school and ,i abandoned all games so that ,i could be with her4 ,after ten days she could stay no longer at the ,prep4 and the ,head ,master had not asked her for another month1 so ,i had to try all sorts of people to see if they would entertain her4 ,no one would6 ,so she had to go home4 ,i couldn't do without her3 ,i thought ,i should go mad4 ,one morning the doctor came round and told me that ,i ought to give myself a rest1 that my nerves were giving way1 that he would fix up leave for me--that ,i was simply to go away at once4 ,so without saying good-bye to any of my four-years' friends ,i packed a suit-case and left4 ,it seems impossible to believe1 now that ,i am back in ,bath with ,elspeth1 that ,i can ever have suffered as ,i did3 it is all like the dim recollection of some horrible nightmare4 ,i miss my boys1 ,i miss my form1 ,i hate to think of another man usurping my rooms1 my place in chapel1 taking my work--but the break is final4 ,this morning ,i received all my books1 my pictures1 my clothes1 everything that ,i had collected in my four years and ,radchester and ,i part company for ever4 ,,xiii ,july #i1 #aiac ,as soon as we got back to ,bath ,i was sent to a doctor1 who told me that ,i was suffering from a very severe nervous breakdown1 and that ,i must do literally nothing till ,september but laze4 ,so ,i have parted from ,radchester for ever4 ,once ,i was married he said ,i should probably become normal again4 ,elspeth and ,i spent our days shopping and making arrangements for the wedding4 ,we went down to ,marlton to find a suitable house to live in and found one about a mile from the school1 right on the outskirts of the town1 a semi-detached villa1 rather like the house in ,stratford-on-,avon in which ,shakespeare was born3 it has a tiny stretch of garden and a superb view from the dining-room and bedroom windows of the park and the wooded hills of the south away towards the sea4 #ce a year is the rent4 ,we measured every nook of it for carpets and stairs and hall furniture1 and made an inventory of everything that we should want4 ,we spend many happy hours searching through catalogues for all that we shall require in the house4 ,i have insured my life for #ajjj1 so that ,elspeth will not be left quite penniless if ,i die suddenly4 ,we play tennis a good deal and ,i read a fair amount1 but ,i haven't the heart to write very much4 ,i don't quite know why4 ,july #cj1 #aiac ,elspeth and ,i have had one or two minor tiffs over matters of judgment4 ,she has a decided will of her own4 ,it is going to take me a little time to learn the much-needed lesson that marriages to be successful must be largely a matter of give and take4 ,we are both rather obstinate4 ,i must learn to give in to her more readily4 ,august #cj1 #aiac ,as the time drew nearer to the day fixed for the wedding1 people began to arrive from all over the country4 ,a good many ,radchester boys and masters1 all my relatives1 and friends of all sorts began to arrive in ,bath4 ,we had an amazing number of presents1 but those which touched me most were from ,heatherington's ,house and my form4 ,so ,i'm not forgotten even yet at ,radchester4 ,they had a lively time after ,i left4 ,in my place as a temporary substitute they got a parson who drank heavily and had to be carried out of chapel twice4 ,because ,i am so poor and because our house at ,marlton is so small ,i was prevailed upon to sell all my books1 which ,i now see was one of the grossest mistakes ,i ever committed in my life4 ,at the time ,i thought of it as a piece of heroism and great self-sacrifice4 ,the episode reminds me of ,charles ,lamb and the cake4 ,as a matter of fact it was a piece of unmitigated foolishness4 ,i only got #ej for the lot1 and the notes that ,i had made in them might be worth that if ,i had kept and used them4 ,we were married with a great show of pomp and splendour on the sixth of ,august4 ,i didn't at all like the gorgeous ceremony3 there were too many people4 ,it was too much of an orgie3 far too much fuss was made of us4 ,as ,i look back it appears now as a medley of changing clothes1 cutting cake1 drinking champagne1 uttering platitudes to visitors1 complying with endless superstitions1 and never seeing ,elspeth4 ,i had no idea that there were so many million omens attached to weddings4 ,they must be very unlucky things4 ,it began to mean something when the day was nearly over and we found ourselves locked in a first-class carriage bound for ,porlock4 ,we had a room in the ,ship ,inn looking over the bay1 and met some of the most entertaining people it has ever been my fortune to come across4 ,no one suspected that we were a honeymoon couple3 we were purposely callous about each other's welfare in the presence of others and joined with every party that was got up for any purpose4 ,most of the time we spent in attending meets of the staghounds4 ,every one in the hotel was there for the hunting1 and the conversation was a refreshing change after that of ,common ,room at ,radchester4 ,one man in particular1 called ,monteith1 who was up at ,oxford with me1 was very struck with ,elspeth and used to bring her great bunches of white heather every night4 ,i like to see her admired3 it shows me that ,i chose circumspectly4 ,we bathed every day and explored the combes and rivers and villages in every direction4 ,i know no more beautiful country than this for a honeymoon3 you can get quiet when you want it4 ,we lunched nearly every day among the whortleberries on the moor1 far away from the sight of any living creature3 when we wanted to mix with society we only had to drop down into ,porlock1 and there were always forty or fifty people in the hotel willing and eager to be friendly4 ,it was the most consummately perfect setting for a wedding tour imaginable4 ,there was not a speck or flaw cast upon our complete happiness once during the entire time4 ,it was all too short3 three weeks fled past like three days and we got to know each other's little foibles and idiosyncrasies and to make allowance for them4 ,we went as far afield as ,ilfracombe1 ,lynton1 ,minehead and ,exford3 we went on foot1 by steamer1 in dog-carts and coaches1 and we were as merry as crickets all the time4 ,after it was over we went up home to see my people and to introduce ourselves in the married state to the villagers1 who have known me since ,i was a boy4 ,all this month ,i seem to have been walking on air4 ,i've forgotten there ever was such a place as ,radchester or that ,i ever nearly went mad because ,i had not ,elspeth by me4 ,what ,i should do without her now ,god only knows4 ,i only hope and pray that we may live together to a ripe old age and die within a few hours of each other4 ,then our lives will have been rounded off completely1 for as it is we are only happy in the possession of each other4 ,nothing else contents us4 ,we went on to ,london after this in order to buy the requisite furniture for our cottage4 ,we accomplished this in a single day1 spending about #aej in all in equipping ourselves with a complete outfit from cellar to attic4 ,we are now back again in ,bath4 ,september #f1 #aiac ,i don't like wasting all my days in this house in the ,crescent4 ,i seem to have lost all my wild ideals on education3 ,i have no boys now to give my life for3 all my hopes are centred upon one object1 ,elspeth1 and if she fails me ,i am undone indeed4 ,i spend my energies on writing silly letters to the daily papers on the subject of the ,olympic ,games1 of all footling things4 ,elspeth now cries through half the night because she says ,i have changed and no longer love her with that same passion that ,i once had for her4 ,this is quite untrue1 but ,i can't make her see it4 ,i seem to be a mass of contradictions4 ,bath seems to have lost its attraction for me now that ,i have nothing to do except wait for the opening of term at ,marlton4 ,i find myself pining for ,radchester1 the club1 the cross-county runs1 ,rugger1 camp1 bathing1 boys to tea--and all the savage1 healthy years of apprenticeship while ,i was learning my job4 ,i've read very little except a novel called ,sinister ,street1 by ,compton ,mackenzie1 which seems to me to be at once very good and very bad4 ,i don't like it so much as ,carnival1 but his pictures of his old ,public ,school masters are extraordinarily vivid and probably true4 ,i wish ,i could write such a book4 ,i want to settle down to some serious writing1 but ,i haven't the patience to begin on a book1 partly because ,i should immediately begin to fear lest ,i should die before it was finished4 ,i wish ,i could rid myself of this silliness4 ,september #aa1 #aiac ,i have just been up to the ,board of ,education to be interviewed for a lucrative post in ,india4 ,i should dearly like to go and ,i have the job definitely offered me1 #fjj a year to inspect the teaching of ,english in ,ceylon1 but ,elspeth is against it1 so ,i shall have to refuse4 ,i was also offered #g a week to sub-edit the ,daily ,tatler1 but ,i could not of course break my contract at ,marlton1 and they would not keep it open1 so that's off4 ,i should like to be a journalist4 ,the work would suit me admirably4 ,i read ,the ,story of ,louie1 by ,oliver ,onions on my way south at night1 and arrived at ,marlton at nine o'clock and walked up the hill through the pretty narrow streets to my new home1 which ,elspeth and her mother had prepared against my coming4 ,it certainly is a great change after ,radchester4 ,the only unfortunate thing is that ,i am no longer my own master4 ,i now shall have to be careful about dirty boots4 ,elspeth has the last word as to where everything is to go4 ,she and her mother went to bed early and ,i went round the house on a tour of inspection4 ,the hall is really something to be proud of1 with its bookcases and oak chest and grandfather clock4 ,the drawing-room is small but dainty2 most of the pictures are ordinary and cheap3 we bought them at ,boots' for very little4 ,the silver that we had for wedding presents is all put out on mahogany tables1 and there are photographs of ,elspeth's friends but none of mine1 which irritated me momentarily4 ,i loathe the nondescript china ornaments on the mantelpiece4 ,the dining-room closely resembles my own rooms at ,radchester4 ,all my old ,oxford signed proofs of ,blair ,leighton and ,dicksee take up the wall space and there are two bookshelves4 ,the study contains my bureau and all my special treasures4 ,in this room at least1 ,i hope1 that ,i shall be able to do as ,i like4 ,our bedroom is large and yet very cosy4 ,i think ,i am going to love this house4 ,at any rate ,i feel very proud at being a householder4 ,september #ai1 #aiac ,i have spent a week on my bicycle exploring the surrounding country before term begins4 ,it is glorious to live where people hunt1 and there are large houses1 and cars passing the door 7we are right on the main ,london-,hastings road7 and the villages are all snug and picturesque1 and there are heaps of ripping neighbours who call and look as if they were going to entertain us lavishly4 ,it is possible1 too1 to get down to a real sea1 how different from the so-called sea at ,radchester1 a sea of blue and green flanked by great white ,sussex cliffs4 ,i feel most extraordinarily at home and yet ,i funk the coming term3 ,i don't know how these boys will take to me4 ,they are sure to be very different from the ,radchester boys4 ,i doubt whether they'll be as boisterous or as healthy4 ,time will show4 ,,xiv ,october #d1 #aiac ,i have now had my first taste of life as a master at ,marlton4 ,the air here is sluggish1 warm and unhealthy4 ,i never want to go out and ,i always feel tired4 ,there is none of the energy which one associated with ,radchester4 ,the place is altogether different4 ,in the first place there is practically no ,common ,room life1 which is perhaps a good thing4 ,we only gather in ,common ,room from #aa to #aa4ae every morning for break4 ,the masters live all over the town4 ,there are eight houses and each one is quite distinct from any other3 the boys never mix4 ,most of the staff are quite young4 ,of the elder ones ,i have come across the officer commanding the ,corps who is elderly 7he has a son older than ,i am71 a parson1 very good-natured and easy-going1 but with an insatiable desire for talking4 ,he is the most gossipy man ,i ever met4 ,his wife is one of the sweetest women ,i ever met4 ,we have dined there once1 but it was a dull meal4 ,he monopolized the entire conversation4 ,there is another ,house-master parson1 also old1 who is very literary and runs a select society1 which meets every ,sunday afternoon to read and listen to papers on literary topics4 ,i should like to belong to that4 ,some day ,i hope to be elected4 ,we have also dined there4 ,ponsonby is a wonderful raconteur but rather eccentric in his habits3 ,i should think that he takes some knowing4 ,the other ,house masters are all young and all married4 ,every one here seems very well off as compared with the ,radchester masters4 ,they all have private means4 ,they ride1 though not often1 to hounds1 they own cars and motor-bicycles1 and don't appear to do very much work4 ,most of them live solely for games4 ,i find that ,i am getting more and more agitated at the games fetish4 ,although they live under the shadow of the most inspiring church in the country1 and though the school buildings themselves are exceedingly beautiful1 the boys and masters alike seem to distrust beauty just as much as the ,radchester people did4 ,there is one man with whom ,i have formed a strong alliance4 ,he1 like myself1 is a new-comer4 ,he is unmarried1 very clever1 and deserted the ,foreign ,office1 where he held a good billet1 to come down to teach the ,sixth4 ,he is in the eyes of the school quite mad4 ,he is careless as to his clothes1 wearing next to nothing on a very cold day and arctically clad when it is warm and sunny4 ,he has a knack of forgetting what time it is and sets out for a walk when he ought to be going into school4 ,he is a real poet and a fine classic4 ,his name is ,wriothesley and is already known as the ,rotter4 ,on ,sundays he wears a top hat and immaculate morning clothes with a white slip1 white spats and patent-leather boots4 ,added to this he stammers and is acutely nervous4 ,the rest of the staff are not inspiring4 ,there are several beefy ,blues1 a few slack men who take no interest in anything that occurs in the school outside their form work1 and one man who ought to be a country squire1 who presides over the local ,district ,council and spends all his energies on running the town4 ,the boys are all gentlemen1 very slack1 very quiet1 care nothing for work and a very great deal too much for ,rugger4 ,unfortunately ,i have begun badly4 ,two articles that ,i wrote long ago on ,public ,school ,reform have just found their way into print4 ,every one here has read them and they all look on me as a dangerous innovator1 unpatriotic and disloyal4 ,it is in vain that ,i point out that ,i said these things of another school and under the stress of nerves4 ,i am a marked man4 ,whatever ,i do ,i shall be looked upon with suspicion4 ,they all think ,i am on the look-out for copy4 ,elspeth does not much care for the school people and ,i don't altogether blame her4 ,the wives are very cliquey1 and think that they have a right to dictate to the wives of the younger masters exactly as to how they should dress1 how they should behave1 who they shall know and who they shall not know4 ,the society of ,marlton is very snobbish and divided up into a myriad different sets4 ,at the top there is the ,castle clique1 who hunt and play polo4 ,some of these are quite amusing4 ,then come the school people1 who keep to themselves4 ,after them come the professional clique4 ,there are vast numbers of retired ,indian military and civilian people1 who play bridge and walk about the country doing nothing in particular3 to these are attached the doctors1 bankers1 solicitors1 and clergy4 ,next come the wealthier tradespeople and the other school people4 ,marlton boasts half a dozen different schools to meet the demands of people of widely differing ideas1 ,roman ,catholic1 ,secondary1 ,girls' ,colleges1 ,board1 ,grammar and ,national ,schools3 the place is overrun with educational establishments4 ,there is consequently no dearth of people1 though the total population is certainly not more than ten thousand4 ,my work is not very arduous and gives me time to write in my spare hours4 ,i only hope that ,i shall have the sense to avail myself of it4 ,i take mathematical sets all through the school3 the boys seem to know even less than they did at ,radchester4 ,certainly they know no ,english4 ,i find to my intense disgust that ,i am and have been for the past ten years suffering from chronic appendicitis4 ,there is no need as yet for an operation1 but ,i have to be dieted very carefully and avoid games4 ,a much more insidious disease is attacking my brain4 ,i am beginning to get restive4 ,i haven't the least idea why4 ,i want to get up and run away4 ,it is all too comfortable4 ,i am afraid of acquiescing and becoming as my colleagues1 happy as sheep are happy basking in the sun4 ,i never had this before3 it's a new development4 ,i go for miles on my bicycle and sit on stiles or hedges and read or gaze out over the landscape and wish--,i scarcely know for what4 ,i have lately been rereading all ,thomas ,hardy's novels4 ,i seem to be a sort of second ,jude the ,obscure4 ,the hours are very different from those at ,radchester4 ,we have breakfast at #h4cj4 ,chapel 7which we only have to attend once a day7 is at #i4ae1 and then school goes on from #i4cj to #ab4de4 ,at one o'clock we lunch and ,elspeth and ,i walk down to the town to shop or change a library book at the station1 getting back for tea at four4 ,school continues from #d4ae to #f4 ,then work is over for the day4 ,there is no preparation invigilation for masters1 thank ,god4 ,in the evening after dinner ,i do a little correcting1 not more than is necessary1 write if ,i feel like it1 read a chapter or two of a novel1 and so to bed at ten4 ,the days pass very quickly and ,i don't seem to do anything4 ,i am achieving nothing4 ,most of the day seems to be spent in riding to and from school4 ,i've been reading ,d4 ,h4 ,lawrence's novel1 ,sons and ,lovers4 ,it's about as perfect a picture of ,midland life as could well be imagined4 ,thank ,heaven that ,i'm back in a county among people who hunt and talk the ,king's ,english4 ,i have a great deal to be thankful for4 ,it seems a very ,elysium of quiet content and happiness1 and yet there is underlying tragedy4 ,the first ,monday in ,october is made an occasion for an annual orgie which rouses the town out of sleep4 ,i have just come from partaking of all the fun of the fair4 ,it starts on the ,sunday night1 when all the riff-raff of the place march through the streets making a fearful din with drums and kettles and tin cans and whistles1 to celebrate the completion of the building of the ,priory4 ,the day after is given up to revelry of a rather gross kind4 ,booths are erected in the main narrow street and all sorts of useless things are bought and sold4 ,on the fair ground there are roundabouts and swings1 cinema shows and helter-skelters1 houp-las and side shows1 rifle ranges and coco-nut shies4 ,it is all very tawdry and shallow and noisy and cheap1 but it gives one a glimpse of ,hodge at play which is instructive4 ,compared with the north-countryman he is feckless1 very subservient1 slow and deliberate in his movements1 content with his potato-patch and fourteen shillings a week as wages1 afraid of his superiors 7the north-countryman has no superiors7 and in all things seems to be a relic of the feudal system4 ,he takes his pleasures very sadly and is frequently drunk2 he finds life monotonous but he is not ambitious enough to cast off his slough2 in ,marlton he was born and in ,marlton he will be buried and that is his life history4 ,there are as a consequence a great number of workhouse inmates1 semi-lunatic boys and girls who loiter about the streets all day3 the shops are very poor and the attendants slow beyond belief4 ,no one here seems to have any conception of the value of time4 ,the boys at the school have the same lazy habits in a lesser degree3 they rarely run1 they amble along through life very happily4 ,they are genial but by no means effusive4 ,the lack of wild enthusiasms1 frequent riots1 strenuous friendships and enmities is one of the glaring points about ,marlton when ,i come to compare it with ,radchester4 ,after a few weeks ,elspeth and ,i felt so bedraggled and worn out owing to the enervating climate that we took a few half-holidays down by the sea4 ,what a joy it is to be working in so exquisite a country4 ,the drive over the downs1 through the pine-woods1 down to the rocky coast puts fresh blood into one4 ,i want to sing for the very joy of being able to appreciate it4 ,nature is beginning to mean very much more to me than she ever used to4 ,i go up sometimes 7when ,i am fretful and inclined to chafe at the prison bars7 to the golf-course1 and then gaze over the northern vale1 and the ,kentish ,weald1 the white cottages nestling under the hills1 the spires of many churches1 and a great peace descends on me4 ,i begin to realize the meaning of that word ,england and all that it connotes4 ,if ,i hadn't been in the wilderness for four years ,i should probably never have felt quite such a thrill of thankfulness at the beauty of it4 ,these south-country people as a rule take it all as a matter of course3 they have lived here always3 they have never seen ,halifax or ,huddersfield or ,leeds or ,radchester4 ,they don't know the ghastly depression that sinks into one's soul after a month of gloomy1 sunless days in a foggy1 poisonous1 manufacturing town4 ,one of the quaintest changes in my life is that now ,i find that ,i want to write4 ,i keep getting fresh ideas daily4 ,at present ,i am engaged in editing an ,anthology of ,verse and ,prose for ,schools1 which isn't anything like so dull as it sounds4 ,december #af1 #aiac ,i have had ,tony down here for a few days4 ,it was like entertaining a hurricane4 ,he says that ,i'm in danger of becoming as invertebrate as a limpet4 ,where are1 he asked1 the wild diatribes against abuses1 the physical fitness1 the madness about games1 the frenzy for intellectual improvement8 ,i shook my head sadly and murmured something about the air4 ,the boys he looked at in break one morning and snorted audibly like a war-horse4 ,these lads have got the 'guts' of an ,ague-cheek1 the blood of sardines1 he said4 ,why don't they get a move on8 ,do they always slop about like this8 ,you want the ,radchester sergeant here for a few days1 some one to open their windpipes4 ,what do you do all day8 ,i told him4 ,i said 'do1' he replied4 ,perhaps my appendicitis may have something to do with it1 but certainly it is a change to find myself confining myself to a slow walk into the town with ,elspeth in place of the seven miles' strenuous run or the gory game of ,rugger that usually occupied my afternoons4 ,i go out with the beagles a good deal1 but for the first time in my life1 instead of trying to follow the hounds wherever they go1 ,i sit on the tops of gates and wait for them to come back and don't worry if ,i lose them altogether4 ,there is no fighting against the temptation to slack4 ,elspeth has had a school-friend staying with her who infuriated me by her vacuous behaviour4 ,her only aim in life is to attract men4 ,i don't know what is the matter with me1 but married life is rubbing me up the wrong way4 ,i am becoming fidgety about my rights in the house4 ,it sounds childish3 in fact it is childish4 ,this settling down business is going to be a lengthier job than ,i thought4 ,i seem to have lost all my old freedom of action or thought4 ,i certainly love ,elspeth no less in my heart of hearts1 but ,i hate being managed by a pack of women4 ,first there is the servant1 then ,elspeth1 then ,elspeth's school-friend4 ,i never seem to see a man4 ,i can no longer have crowds of boys about me and entertain them as ,i used to1 because it's so expensive and we can't afford it4 ,besides it makes so much extra work4 ,but the real trouble is1 ,i fancy1 that ,i love ,elspeth far more than she loves me4 ,i scent the elements of a tragedy here already4 ,one custom here pleases me a good deal4 ,all the senior boys have us in turn to their studies to tea4 ,they are much more men of the world than the ,radchester bloods4 ,their airs and moustaches1 their evident wealth and perfect ease of manner all frighten me4 ,i feel very much more like a fag being patronized than a master4 ,i have already had two or three dire conflicts in ,common ,room over the articles ,i have lately published4 ,several of my colleagues won't speak to me3 others say that ,i am trying to head a revolt against games and all the age-old traditions that made ,marlton famous3 whippersnapper is the phrase most commonly employed about me ,i think4 ,i see myself classed with ,tipham of ,the ,lanchester ,tradition4 ,one of the greatest pleasures ,i get in life is on alternate ,saturday evenings1 when ,i attend the ,school ,debating ,society and let loose some of my wild theories4 ,these do not tend to make me more popular1 but they certainly rouse people to speak who normally would keep silence either through nervousness or indifference4 ,my work ,i should like if only there were more of it4 ,i get so little to do that life hangs very heavily on my hands4 ,i am become further domesticated by the possession of a dog and a cat4 ,we quarrel over the animals4 ,i loathe the cat3 ,i hate all sleepy things and ,elspeth hates the dog in the house4 ,consequently ,i go off with ,sludge 7a wild rough-haired terrier with no respect for anything in the world7 and tramp the country for miles and talk to him3 he can understand my frets and worries4 ,he is very like me1 never happy unless he is out and about chasing something frenziedly4 ,elspeth stays at home and consoles herself with the cat4 ,it's a bad existence4 ,lately ,i have succumbed to a new disease4 ,i have an overmastering desire to hear the roar and bustle of ,london3 ,i believe if we lived there we should be happy1 there is such heaps to do4 ,most husbands in the city only see their wives at night1 in the early morning and evening4 ,consequently they are glad to meet1 whereas ,elspeth and ,i can see one another nearly every moment of the day4 ,i am in to all meals and invariably about the place when rooms are being cleaned out1 which seems to me to be happening all and every day4 ,the only way ,i have kept going is by keeping the house full of visitors1 mainly old ,radcastrians1 who come to see what sort of a married man ,i make4 ,one curious incident that has just happened will give the clue to my state of mind4 ,my people have been staying in ,cheltenham and as ,elspeth and ,i had been bickering freely and ,i had been feeling rotten1 we decided that it would be a good thing for both of us if ,i went to see them for the week-end4 ,i have always been irresolute1 but ,i cannot remember ever weighing anything so carefully as ,i did the pros and cons of this ridiculously small matter4 ,in the end ,i went4 ,i was intensely miserable and lonely in the train4 ,all sorts of horrors crossed my mind1 accidents to ,elspeth while ,i was away1 accidents to the train4 ,by the time ,i got to ,cheltenham ,i was in an abject state4 ,i just embraced my parents and then stated that ,i was going straight back home4 ,they did their best to prevail upon me at least to stay for one night1 but ,i was adamant4 ,i walked with them1 arguing all the way1 to their hotel and then straight back to the station1 where ,i caught the last train of the night for ,london4 ,i arrived at ,marlton at two in the morning and had to rouse ,elspeth by throwing stones at her window4 ,sobbing and half-demented ,i was put to bed4 ,she was in a terrible state3 she thought ,i had gone out of my mind4 ,i am not certain that ,i wasn't4 ,all ,i know is that though ,i quarrel with her in this absurd way1 ,i cannot bear to leave her for more than a few hours at most4 ,it is a most extraordinary state of mind to have got into4 ,i wish ,i could explain it4 ,no one could have been saner than ,i was up to the time of my engagement3 now ,i seem to be more nearly approaching insanity with every passing hour4 ,i cannot believe that every newly married man suffers as ,i am suffering4 ,all this tells on ,elspeth too4 ,such behaviour as mine only lessens her love for me4 ,she does not really sympathize at all4 ,she is becoming cold4 ,my ,god6 please show me the way to keep her love4 ,so ends my first term at ,marlton4 ,i have read a good deal and bought a few books4 ,i have made a start at writing4 ,my health is becoming very bad4 ,i have not learnt how to control myself or my wife4 ,i want happiness and1 straining after it1 only attain misery4 ,i like the boys but they are slack and don't really want to learn anything4 ,i have joined the ,corps1 but it is not so smart or popular here as it was at ,radchester4 ,i have enjoyed most of all watching the school ,rugger matches4 ,it is considered part of every one's duty to go down to the fields to watch all matches1 which irritates me4 ,i don't want to watch because ,i'm expected to1 but because ,i want to4 ,neither ,elspeth nor ,i are very popular3 we have made enemies by accepting an invitation to a ,house supper and then not turning up because we left a day before the end of term4 ,we had no idea that these ,house suppers were only annual events and that invitations to them are considered the highest honour possible when extended to masters who don't own a ,house4 ,it would be useless to explain4 ,the boys are far more civilized than they were at ,radchester owing to the fact that their ,house-masters are married and that quite frequently they meet members of the other sex4 ,they are more urbane and polished3 they acquire a kind of savoir faire in their demeanour1 a smartness in their dress which was noticeably lacking at ,radchester4 ,there is not so great a cleavage between home and school2 they spend quite a number of afternoons in drawing-rooms2 they entertain the small sons and daughters of the staff1 they come into contact to a certain extent with the life of the streets1 they are allowed to buy whatever they like in any shops1 they are encouraged to explore the beauties of the countryside on bicycles4 ,some of the prefects have motor-bicycles4 ,they are allowed to play golf and to go out to tea at the houses of private residents in the town4 ,altogether they are made as happy as it is possible for boys to be4 ,in a word1 ,i could not imagine any boy committing suicide at ,marlton1 whereas they might at ,radchester4 ,nevertheless there are several things that are wrong about the place4 ,the lack of energy is by far the most noticeable4 ,the lack of reading is perhaps the next and may follow from it4 ,the school library is very old and well stocked with medival books of all sorts1 being peculiarly rich in archological1 historical and theological works1 but it seems to have stopped stocking new books about #ahij4 ,the amount of modern stuff in it is composed entirely of books of little value which have been presented to it4 ,there is no system on which books are bought at all3 ,i looked in vain for ,meredith1 ,swift1 ,hazlitt1 ,stevenson1 or ,conrad1 to mention a few names at random4 ,there are but few purely literary works and boys are certainly not encouraged to keep up with the newest thought in philosophy1 poetry1 drama1 essays and so on4 ,only the senior boys are allowed to take books out2 the bulk of the school use the building on ,sundays and then only when it is wet4 ,they rarely read anything except contemporary magazines4 ,one thing that has pleased me about my work is that ,i have been put on to teach history4 ,this seems to me one of the vitally important subjects4 ,domestic politics rather than long descriptions of foreign wars1 however1 seem to me to be the first essential4 ,i have tried to make my forms realize the continuity of history1 its applicability to modern life1 so that they may not be led astray by any illogical sophistries in unscrupulous newspapers4 ,i find that they become really interested in the history of the ,home ,rule question1 the beginnings of the war between capital and labour1 electoral reform1 the decentralization of government1 the power of the ,cabinet1 the ,crown1 the ,house of ,lords and the ,commons4 ,i want to equip them so that they will be able really to form their own judgments when they grow up and not accept party shibboleths and be at the mercy of any witty scoundrel4 ,side by side with the history we read the famous literary works of the time4 ,each boy 7,i did this at ,radchester7 selects one author or book and writes descriptive criticism on him and it1 which he afterwards reads aloud1 and comments are made by the rest4 ,boys are astonishingly poor debaters1 they cannot articulate clearly3 even when they read aloud they stammer over all except the simplest words4 ,every night of the term ,i hold a voluntary class for ,shakespeare and drama-lovers in general3 these readings of plays would go down infinitely better if only boys knew how to pronounce words1 how to get up the meanings of passages1 or even the meaning and use of stops4 ,one would think that an educated boy of sixteen or seventeen would really know how to read1 but only in the very rarest cases can he do so with intelligence4 ,nowhere is this more clearly shown than in chapel1 where the prefects of the week read the lesson3 they mumble over and spoil some of the most dramatic and poetic passages in the ,bible4 ,it isn't through lack of reverence or care but simply because they have never been taught4 ,incidentally they have never been taught how to read to themselves3 they cannot concentrate on anything that requires thought or hard work4 ,a short story in a magazine they appreciate1 and good literature they can tolerate when it is read aloud to them by their form masters2 but they cannot tackle anything solid by themselves4 ,they distrust all standard authors as likely to be dull4 ,their surprise when they are introduced to such a book as ,wuthering ,heights is indescribably comic4 ,in mathematics ,i still seem to have the horrid trick of going so fast that no one learns anything4 ,at any rate ,i interest them3 ,i wish ,i could get the stuff to stick in their minds4 ,,xv ,january #ac1 #aiad ,elspeth is now with me at my father's home and in bed with flu4 ,while we were there ,i got an invitation from ,gregson's to write a book for them on education1 so ,elspeth and ,i went straight down to ,bath1 and ,i shut myself and wrote ,reform in ,education in ten days4 ,it amounts to #ej1jjj words4 ,i find that ,i simply cannot write slowly4 ,i start to plan a thing out1 then my brain refuses to take in anything except matter for the book4 ,i look on meals as a needless interruption4 ,i want to write all day and all night4 ,the ,,mss4 is now being typed for me1 and ,i am resting1 by reading novels and magazines1 playing bridge and billiards with my father-in-law1 and alternately quarrelling and making it up with ,elspeth4 ,march #c1 #aiad ,there have been endless rows in the school this term and wholesale expulsions4 ,house-masters are told all about them1 and the rest of us kept in ignorance4 ,what the whole body of the school knows is hidden from us poor juniors4 ,on what principle ,i wonder8 ,elspeth and ,i fight daily over books4 ,she dislikes any papers1 magazines or books in the drawing-room1 and ,i hate to see the best room in the house given over to nothing but clothes in the making4 ,having sold under compulsion all the books that ,i so much valued ,i am now trying to build up another library4 ,this naturally costs money1 but1 as ,i frequently tell ,elspeth1 ,i can't get ideas to write about unless ,i read a good deal4 ,my neurasthenia has been so acute lately that ,i have had to see the school doctor3 he wants me to go into a sort of retreat for the ,easter holidays alone4 ,i'd far rather die4 ,because ,i attended every debate and dramatic reading at the ,school ,debating ,society last term ,i have been elected president4 ,we have had debates on conscription1 ,lloyd ,george1 and classical and modern subjects4 ,i have brought up the average attendance from forty to about a hundred4 ,i shall not be content until we get the majority of the school to attend4 ,these debates1 etc41 take place in ,big ,school on alternate ,saturday evenings from #g till #h4de4 ,that means dinner at #f4cj1 which precludes the possibility of many members of ,common ,room attending4 ,when ,i first began to go the meetings were rather disorderly and riotous1 and no one cared much about the subject4 ,there were long and awkward pauses1 but now we have managed to rouse a good deal of opposition1 and people come with very carefully prepared speeches1 and there are less irrelevancies4 ,i have had one severe attack of appendicitis1 but it passed off after a few hours4 ,of course the school has had the usual diseases1 mumps and diphtheria4 ,the whole town is down with the latter3 it is said that the water is bad1 the milk is bad1 and the sanitary arrangements medival4 ,it is really the most backward1 sleepy place ,i ever came across4 ,the ,district ,council fight among themselves1 but never do anything for the public weal4 ,most of the members are drapers1 butchers1 and bakers1 and consider nothing but their own interests4 ,i have been elected to the ,sunday ,afternoon ,literary ,society4 ,there are eight boy members and eight masters4 ,we meet at #c4ae on alternate ,sunday afternoons1 and a paper is read for an hour1 and afterwards there is tea4 ,this society has been in existence for fifty years4 ,there is never any discussion1 which is a great pity4 ,at the end of term a ,shakespeare play is read4 ,the first papers ,i heard were on ,the ,schoolmaster in ,literature1 ,francis ,thompson and ,kipling1 and they were all extremely interesting4 ,elspeth and ,i have dined with various members of the staff4 ,they give good dinners1 but the conversation is not very thrilling2 they dislike anything out of the ordinary2 they never get the time to read1 and consequently won't talk book-shop1 which ,i am beginning to fear is my only subject4 ,they disapprove of my beagling because it takes me away from the games2 they don't know1 of course1 that ,i've been forbidden to play games4 ,as a matter of fact1 ,i frequently referee the kids' games1 which are really amusing4 ,they have a quaint habit here of playing all their school matches in the ,christmas term1 and all their ,house matches this term4 ,ingleby1 who runs the games1 is a passionate devotee of ,rugger1 and puts the fear of ,god into every boy who comes near him4 ,he is altogether delightful1 and has a most charming wife1 but he cannot brook being crossed4 ,he dislikes and distrusts me because ,i said somewhere that ,i thought games were overdone at the ,public ,schools4 ,his belief is that games have been1 and are1 the saving of ,england1 the one outstanding glory of our national life4 ,to this idea he clings through thick and thin1 and opposition to it only rouses him to fury4 ,he has a strong face1 and is one of the giants here4 ,his influence is enormous4 ,he is an ideal schoolmaster of the old swashbuckling type2 he rules by fear and the rod2 all his boys love him almost as much as they dread him2 he always looks as if he were going to knock any man down who ventured to disagree with him4 ,i like him1 but the devil that is in me always prompts me to get up against him2 he is a great stickler for convention2 the first time we crossed swords was on a very minute point of etiquette4 ,a boy in his ,house1 who is taking the ,army exam41 wanted special coaching in ,english1 and so1 not being able to find any classroom vacant in which to take him ,i agreed to visit him in his study4 ,of course ,i ought to have asked ,ingleby's leave4 ,i forgot1 and he got furiously angry4 ,young upstarts disregarding rules of a thousand years' growth1 and so on4 ,i like my ,army class work4 ,the ,english required for ,sandhurst and ,woolwich is of a very low standard1 but it is amusing4 ,these general questions1 prcis1 reproductions1 and so on1 give me a chance of introducing favourite passages from great authors1 and ,i try my hardest to make them read for themselves by running a sort of library in my classroom4 ,i fill up all my vacant shelves with likely books1 and just let them help themselves4 ,the worst of it is that they nearly always forget to bring them back4 ,i find this as expensive a hobby as having boys continually to tea at ,radchester used to be4 ,my other ,english form are preparing for the ,london ,matriculation1 which1 as things stand1 is the best examination in ,english that ,i know4 ,i concentrate all my powers on literature4 ,i try to build up a coherent idea of the history of ,english literature all through1 and most of the boys respond to the idea splendidly4 ,the worst of it is that they come to me1 for the most part1 desperately ignorant2 three or four plays of ,shakespeare1 and ,sheridan and ,goldsmith comprise their whole stock of knowledge4 ,on the other hand1 there is a handsome prize awarded annually 7#bj worth of books71 called the ,carfax1 for the boy who shows the best knowledge on ,shakespeare1 three set authors1 and a general paper on all the best authors from #ahjj to the present time4 ,this stimulates the senior boys1 and in this1 the ,lent term1 every year1 some twenty or thirty boys really try to make up for the lamentable deficiency in this branch of their education4 ,may #e1 #aiad ,i find that ,i am getting slack in writing up my diary4 ,i don't quite know the reason unless it is that happy is the nation that has no history applies equally to individuals4 ,elspeth and ,i are getting on much better1 by fits and starts4 ,we still quarrel1 but more rarely1 and only when ,i forget to show her some of those little1 unremembered acts of kindness and of love which make so great a difference to life4 ,we had one wonderful day at the ,oxford and ,cambridge ,sports1 when ,i introduced her to all the old ,oxford gang4 ,she was thoroughly in her element there4 ,she was not born to be a schoolmaster's wife4 ,she needs gaiety1 amusement1 heaps of friends1 and an incessant round of youthful pleasures4 ,i wish ,i could get a job in ,london if only for her sake4 ,she gets very tired of the everlasting topics of conversation at ,marlton1 bulbs and babies4 ,all true ,marltonians are keen gardeners1 and they all have large families4 ,i suppose four years of ,radchester made me forget the joys of a garden 444 because really the gardens of ,marlton are a joy for ever2 apparently the very rarest and most delicate flowers will bloom in ,marlton when they would die in any other soil in ,england4 ,as soon as the holidays started ,elspeth and ,i went to ,london in order that ,i might continue to bombard the editors and publishers with copy4 ,there wasn't much doing1 but we saw numbers of quite excellent plays4 ,i received a commission from ,goddard's to edit a dozen plays of ,shakespeare and other dramatists for use in schools1 for which they promised me #ej4 ,i didn't spend as much time over them as ,i could have wished4 ,my old disease of hurry made me write ,introductions which ,i ought to have done much better1 but my object was to say as little as possible and not to overburden the juvenile mind with a million unnecessary notes4 ,it was an easily earned #ej4 ,i finished my anthology1 which ,i called ,a ,cluster of ,grapes1 and started to produce a ,school ,mathematical ,course1 which ,i eventually gave up because it bored me4 ,elspeth and ,i went as usual to the point-to-point meetings this year1 and the ,bath dances1 and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves4 ,there are still the same old cliques to be seen parading up and down ,milsom ,street1 weaving petty scandals over the tea-table at ,fortt's1 girls becoming engaged and breaking it off1 strange1 unaccountable weddings and stranger divorces4 ,we are now looked upon as an old married couple and no longer interesting4 ,july #ad1 #aiad ,this has been a good summer term2 it was pleasant to come farther south at the beginning of ,may instead of having to cut oneself off from all the joys of summer by going to ,radchester4 ,marlton in the summer is exquisite3 the town is just one blaze of colour3 it is much too hot1 but luckily ,elspeth loves the heat1 and ,i don't mind it much4 ,besides there is splendid bathing in the open-air school swimming-bath4 ,financial affairs have been a constant thorn in my flesh4 ,here ,i get #bjj1 and on that ,i have to keep ,elspeth1 and a servant at #ah a year1 a house the rent of which is #ce and the taxes #ae4 ,i give her #b a week on which to keep house1 and we spend money like water by travelling in the holidays4 ,worst of all ,i am still paying off old ,oxford debts1 which drag us down still further1 and my books and tobacco bill average about #c a term4 ,all the other masters have private means and live like princes4 ,i suppose we ought to economize by having no people to stay with us1 but it would be deadly for ,elspeth while ,i was in school if she was always alone1 and ,i1 too1 like old friends to talk to at night4 ,consequently we are never free from visitors4 ,her father and mother and brothers and sisters have all been down1 and several old ,radcastrians1 including ,jimmy ,haye and ,montague1 both of whom love it4 ,i have had the luck to get ,tony's first forty poems1 that he showed up to me for work at ,radchester1 printed in a monthly review4 ,i am now waiting to be operated on for appendicitis4 ,i am going into the nursing home on the #bgth1 as soon as ever ,i have finished correcting all my exams4 ,i am funking it horribly4 ,it would be dreadful if this were to be the end before ,i've really come to understand ,elspeth and treat her as she ought to be treated4 ,i do so want also to write something worth writing before ,i die4 ,it's no good being morbid over it4 ,i only hope that the taking out of this offending member will mean the eradication of all uncleanness and offence in me4 ,it ought to make me better tempered1 more long-suffering1 more loving and lovable1 and altogether more ,christian and chivalrous4 ,i read a paper to the ,sunday ,afternoon ,society on ,the ,predecessors of ,shakespeare2 as usual ,i prepared it too hastily4 ,i had far too much to say to get through it in an hour4 ,before ,i knew about my operation ,i had accepted an invitation to lecture at ,stratford-on-,avon on the teaching of ,english4 ,these summer conferences are extraordinarily good things1 and one learns heaps of tips about how to tackle a subject in the proper way4 ,i still go on experimenting with my form4 ,i have no reason to be displeased with their progress in literature4 ,i have had quite a number of original pieces of work shown up4 ,i have got to know two boys in particular very well4 ,every week they read papers to me on any subject1 and we sit round a schoolhouse study table and argue4 ,they are as different as possible from each other4 ,one is a brusque1 quite clever1 very athletic lover of sensuous poetry2 he pins his faith to ,byron1 ,swinburne1 ,rossetti1 ,william ,morris1 ,edward ,dowson1 and ,arthur ,symons2 his name is ,o',dowd4 ,the other1 ,raynes1 is a quiet1 demure scholar1 who does not get on very well in his ,house2 his passion is ,meredith4 ,i get more pleasure out of these two than out of any other boys in the school4 ,by far the rottenest thing ,i have to do is private tuition4 ,this means taking two or three very backward boys1 usually in mathematics1 for an hour three times a week4 ,for this we get extra pay1 #b #bs4 for each boy6 ,that is six guineas for thirty-nine hours' work4 ,whereas ,i have before now got six guineas for an article which hasn't taken me more than thirty-nine minutes4 ,i grudge the time ,i have to devote to these boys more than ,i can say2 they know nothing1 they never will know anything1 they don't want to know anything4 ,and yet one can't refuse to take them because every penny is important4 ,we have one great function here in the summer term before which everything else fades1 and that is ,speech ,day4 ,this consists of a wonderful service in the ,priory1 then we go to ,big ,school1 where prizewinners read their papers1 prizes are awarded1 and speeches are made and large luncheon-parties are given in each ,house-master's house4 ,the vast concourse then wanders slowly down to the fields to watch the old boys' cricket match1 and at night there is a school concert4 ,the music here is world-famous4 ,the school concerts are magnificently done4 ,we have a large album of school songs1 and selections are taken from these1 and there is usually some oratorio or cantata4 ,the festivities leave one slightly limp1 and there is not much work done during the rest of the term4 ,the most surprising feature about it all to me was the comparison between the ,radchester ,speech ,day and the ,marlton ,speech ,day4 ,the ,radchester parent was a sight for the gods2 he was always wealthy1 nearly always possessed of a distinct accent1 and wore clothes to match2 he was hearty1 bluff1 and a good fellow2 his womenfolk gave me no pleasure4 ,at ,marlton the parents seemed to be the salt of the earth2 they were all aristocrats in name if not in money4 ,the majority of them are parsons and soldiers1 and practically to a man old ,marltonians4 ,loyalty to his school is the one shining characteristic of the ,marltonian2 to them there is simply no other ,public ,school in ,england4 ,i don't wonder2 the boys are perfectly happy4 ,they live secluded from the rotten side of the world in a valley which takes the breath away for sheer loveliness4 ,they have a great tradition extending from the dark ages4 ,there is a saying that no matter where he is or in what circumstances an old ,marltonian can be detected at once by his geniality1 his good-breeding1 his entire absence of side1 and soft1 slow1 lazy way of speaking4 ,quietly and insidiously the place is beginning to take hold of me4 ,there is no doubt whatever that ,i enjoy life much more than ,i used to2 ,i am beginning to observe beautiful things1 nature particularly4 ,i find myself standing stock-still looking at the clouds racing past the moon on a clear night behind the ,priory2 the lilac and laburnum thrill me like an exquisite melody2 the green of the fields1 the thickly leaved trees1 flowers in a garden1 all sorts of things that didn't seem to me to matter much are now becoming ineffably precious4 ,the lights in the schoolhouse studies late at night1 seen as one crosses the court on the way home from school and chapel1 are amazingly beautiful and peaceful4 ,july #bd1 #aiad ,here ,i am on the eve of being operated on4 ,i wish it could be postponed for a bit4 ,there seems to be the chance of civil war in ,ireland1 and the row in the ,balkans looks like spreading4 ,elspeth and ,i are thinking of going to ,scotland when ,i am convalescent1 but ,i should like to cross over to ,ireland and see really what is happening4 ,we really have treated ,ireland throughout the ages damnably4 ,i wonder what will come of it all4 ,i have finished correcting all my examination papers1 and done my reports1 added up my marks1 and now all is over4 ,elspeth has been kindness itself to me lately2 there is no doubt of the depth of our love for each other4 ,i have been making a will1 which seems silly because ,i don't leave much2 about #aej worth of debts1 and #ajjj to pay them with from my insurance4 ,of course there'll be the furniture1 but that's not much of an heirloom4 ,i have had several horrible qualms about death1 but1 good heavens6 it's no good worrying4 ,i wonder whether ,elspeth will marry again4 ,after all1 it won't matter to me when ,i'm gone4 ,this is a silly way to talk4 ,this has been a rotten day4 ,i have said good-bye to a few boys1 packed up what ,i shall want for the nursing home1 a volume of ,chesterton and a volume of ,stevenson4 ,i bicycled up to the golf links to say good-bye to the country that ,i have now so learnt to love2 and after tea1 in a bowler hat and going-away suit and suit-case1 ,i walked up to the nursing home4 ,it's a rotten game doing all this in cold blood4 ,elspeth stayed with me in my room1 which is clean1 comfortable1 and faces south1 until the nurse turned her out4 ,i am now left alone1 and ,elspeth isn't to be allowed to see me until after the operation4 ,it was agonizing parting from her1 and ,i dread the night4 ,i haven't slept for a very long time decently1 and ,i certainly don't expect to to-night4 ,i've been allowed as a special concession to finish writing up my diary to date4 ,it seems all very futile now4 ,i've made jolly little of my life4 ,i've loved a few boys1 taught a few of them something1 taught a great many nothing4 ,i have irritated some very good people by giving publicity to ill-considered judgments1 and ,i have given of my all to one girl2 ,i live in and for and by ,elspeth alone4 ,she is the whole of life to me4 ,god grant that we may be spared to one another and learn to be truly and always happy together4 ,,xvi ,september #ag1 #aiad ,even now ,i can't realize it3 ,i went into that nursing home on a beautiful peaceful evening in ,july with nothing more important to worry about than my silly old appendix1 and somehow while ,i was lying low and not worrying the entire world seems to have changed4 ,i came in thinking that it might be exciting to go to ,ireland1 because there was a chance of a slight scrap1 and ,i come out and find the whole world in a death-struggle4 ,it is like some hideous nightmare4 ,i suppose war must have come upon most people as a surprise1 a bomb-shell1 but for me it has come as all part of another existence4 ,my life is now divided into two parts1 before ,i went into the nursing home1 and after4 ,i was operated on quite successfully1 though the doctor took two hours to cut out my appendix and ,i recovered fairly quickly1 though ,i quite made up my mind that ,i was at the point of death hourly4 ,my father and mother came down to see me and were awfully good1 but ,elspeth after a few days took a holiday because she was so run down4 ,i felt miserable without her1 but she was quite right to go4 ,i must have been getting on her nerves badly4 ,the first news ,i got about the war was on a certain morning when ,i looked out of my window and saw in the place where ,i expected to see the summer circus a whole troop of yeomanry and their horses4 ,then my doctor went away to join up4 ,i had to lie in bed and hear the most amazing stories4 ,first the banks all closed down and everybody thought that there was going to be no money1 then people began to fill their cellars with foodstuffs1 then day after day came more horrible news of disasters1 of ,germany breaking through ,mons and overrunning ,belgium1 of the wonderful defence put up by the handful of ,english troops2 gradually it seemed as if the war was already over1 that ,paris would fall and ,england be invaded4 ,horrible stories of atrocities in ,belgium ,i can't understand4 ,all the ,germans ,i've known were dear old ,koenig at ,radchester1 fat old bald-headed tourists at ,lynton1 sweating horribly as they climbed the hills behind the coach1 and three ripping flappers at ,oxford years ago4 ,somehow ,i had never imagined such a war as this to be possible4 ,i remember now that night at ,radchester three years ago when that ,war ,office man came down and implored us to make the ,o4,t4,c4 as smart as we could because we should be needed in a few years4 ,i had plenty of time lying on my back for three weeks in that nursing home to think it all out4 ,i had heaps of visitors bringing flowers and fruit and papers1 but ,i was restless and miserable none the less4 ,as soon as ,i was able ,i went up to ,bath and took ,elspeth to ,ilfracombe3 there ,i heard ,hemmerde calling for recruits--it was just like ,amyas ,leigh asking for another generation of ,devon lads to help to beat the ,spaniards4 ,all the same it's different now4 ,all the glamour and glory of war seem to have gone for ever3 this is simply horrible1 a massacre by machinery4 ,perhaps my mind is not attuned to it4 ,i am still very weak1 but the whole business seems preposterous4 ,we went down to ,portsmouth to see some friends who had just joined up and we saw the troopships1 the searchlights at night1 the coast defences1 the trains full of cheering soldiers1 the streets full of raw recruits4 ,we went on to ,london and there were posters like advertisements for soap imploring every man to join up and save his country4 ,girls presented white feathers to any one in mufti1 people in trains invariably asked each other fiercely why they weren't in khaki4 ,by far the most violent of these interrogators were peaceful-looking old ladies and young1 healthy parsons4 ,i went down to ,hampton ,court to stay with ,tony1 who1 of course1 has gone into the ,army4 ,all ,radchester was in camp at ,aldershot when war broke out and the entire school went en bloc to try to enlist4 ,those who were refused are crying with anger at the thought that they will have to go back to ,radchester next term4 ,there was some talk of the schools all being closed down4 ,all the young masters on the staff at ,marlton have gone1 and every boy of eighteen and over and many a good deal younger4 ,they needn't complain that the ,public ,schools aren't doing their part4 ,every single fit man in them joined at once4 ,i wish ,i hadn't had my appendix out3 then ,i could have gone4 ,elspeth says ,i couldn't1 because of my incipient madness4 ,i bet ,i would1 though it would have been ,hell to have left her4 ,how ,i should have gloried in this war before ,i became engaged4 ,all the ,radcastrians are greatly bucked about it4 ,at last adventure has come to them with arms full4 ,november #aj1 #aiad ,just when ,i ought to keep up my diary more accurately than ever ,i leave it for weeks4 ,it's no good putting in all the news about the war3 that is all seared into my soul4 ,these three months have seen the deaths of all the men who seemed to me to matter when ,i was at ,oxford4 ,all the men of my age were killed off at once3 they got out at the beginning4 ,from the other side they tell me it's just an endless line of blood and mud1 periods of intense boredom relieved by moments of fearful fright4 ,every one thought in ,august that it would be all over by ,christmas4 ,kitchener gives it three years4 ,my ,god6 there'd be no ,england left after three years4 ,i went up to ,london to lecture on the teaching of ,english and found the streets all darkened1 which makes the town incredibly beautiful and eerie4 ,i suppose the idea is to bring the war home to us more closely4 ,this term has been altogether strange4 ,we are chastened and quite different4 ,young boys are now prefects1 heads of ,houses1 captains of games3 the ,corps has ousted athletics4 ,it seems wrong to be chasing up and down a ,rugger field while our brothers and dearest friends are being killed within a few hundred miles4 ,we have done an amazing amount of ,corps work this term3 everybody is as keen as mustard to make himself really fit4 ,boys are reading their ,stonewall ,jackson1 and ,haking1 and ,john ,buchan1 and everything that they can lay their hands on to inform themselves of what is going on across the ,channel and how they shall best occupy their time here in preparation4 ,by a very quaint irony1 for the first time in my life ,i have noticed that boys are becoming really anxious to learn4 ,somehow intellectual pursuits seem to be worth striving after3 there is a perceptible wish in every boy's mind to explore the garner-house of wisdom4 ,never have ,i felt that the schoolmaster's job was so important as ,i do now4 ,many of these boys will1 please ,god1 not have to fight1 but they will all have to take an active part in the reconstruction of ,england4 ,every hour of every day we shall have to keep before them the ideals which we mean to see put into practice by the next generation4 ,last year we were in danger of getting sloppy3 we were too rich1 we were chasing after every kind of new pleasure1 not a thought was given to the myriad problems of capital and labour1 of poverty1 of housing1 of health1 of education4 ,we are all trying our best at last to see which of us can do the most for the sake of ,england3 the name didn't mean much to us so long as she was safe2 now that she is in deadly peril we are beginning to realize all that she is to us4 ,our new activity in the ,corps is a beginning3 we are drilling1 digging1 scouting1 signalling1 lecturing1 bombing1 bridge-building1 range-finding1 entrenching--learning up tactics and strategy4 ,so far as actual military skill is concerned we are doing our best1 but there is an enormous amount of leeway to be made up in other departments of life4 ,for one thing1 ,i believe the school is far more devout than it was4 ,suffering has sent us back to the ,cross4 ,we have weekly ,intercession ,services for our old boys4 ,these are voluntary1 but very few boys absent themselves4 ,our preachers seem almost inspired4 ,it must be much easier to preach now than it used to be3 we are all only too anxious to know what to do3 ,here am ,i1 send me is the cry of every one in chapel4 ,our religion is a much more vital thing than it ever used to be4 ,we are all working at top speed all the time4 ,i only hope we don't break down as the newspapers have4 ,every one of the papers except the ,daily ,telegraph has lost its head not once nor twice since war broke out4 ,it is almost painful to read the leading articles at present4 ,they blame everybody in authority for failure to cope with the present situation4 ,how the ,german ,press must gloat4 ,in the place of the young men who have left us we have had to employ very old men1 who are for the most part extraordinarily genial and take to the work as a trout to water4 ,not all of them1 alas1 have been successful4 ,boys still rag a man who is incompetent1 and they have little respect for age1 but on the whole these old men have fallen into line far better than any one would have dreamt possible4 ,december #ac1 #aiad ,our first term of war is nearly over4 ,it has been a strange1 unreal sort of life4 ,every day some fresh disaster befalls us in the shape of casualties4 ,every week some boys come back1 healthy1 handsome and extraordinarily grown-up in their officers' uniforms3 we at school seem to be settling down to play our part4 ,the officers of the ,o4,t4,c4 have been told to carry on where they are1 that the work they are doing is invaluable3 so we content ourselves with that1 though it seems very little4 ,we have had a naval victory at the ,heligoland ,bight1 and a defeat and a victory off the coast of ,south ,america4 ,the ,germans advance no more in ,france1 the whole world seems to be preparing to rise in arms on the slightest provocation4 ,every week ,horatio ,bottomley and ,belloc explain to us that the end is in sight and the ,northcliffe ,press tells us that we can never win but shall wage an age-long war4 ,we hope the one and fear the other--and carry on4 ,it is a strange thing1 but the beginning of war which ,i expected would quash all chance of writing has seen the beginning of my success4 ,blackwood's1 the ,contemporary and the ,national ,review have all printed articles of mine1 and ,i am writing as much as ,i can1 spurred on by this undreamt-of piece of luck4 ,although it is a time of war and full of horrors the term passed very quickly indeed4 ,elspeth and ,i are now absolutely united4 ,her father has gone out to ,egypt with a staff appointment1 her mother is still in ,bath1 both her brothers are out in ,france4 ,all entertainments at ,marlton have suddenly ceased4 ,there are no more dinner-parties1 no more ,house suppers1 school matches were all scratched this term1 and the people in the town no longer play bridge4 ,we are rapidly becoming a soberer people and our efforts are directed to one object only1 the winning of the war4 ,yet the strange thing is that so many things go on just as usual4 ,people seem to have any amount of money1 the shops advertise the same old extravagant useless things2 dances1 theatres1 horse-racing1 football matches still continue--there is no lack of these things any more than there was during the ,boer ,war4 ,perhaps we are learning to do without gradually4 ,it must be different in ,france and ,belgium4 ,i shall never forget my first sight of ,belgian refugees and wounded soldiers arriving at ,marlton station4 ,somehow we don't1 we can't realize the horror of it in this peaceful valley1 but the tragic faces of these tortured1 homeless women penetrates at one flash into the very heart4 ,all the gay1 irresponsible women who last ,july spent their days on the polo ground now vie with one another in providing homes for the ,belgians and hospitals for the wounded4 ,girls who were accustomed to do nothing more arduous than hunt or take the spaniels for a walk now nurse through the night1 scrub floors1 act as kitchenmaids1 drive motor-vans and generally carry on the work that is left for them to do4 ,so many of them have husbands or brothers fighting that they would go mad with brooding too much if they were not working every hour of every day4 ,there may be a few who are still untouched by the war1 but there are certainly none in ,marlton4 ,boys who left at the end of last term have already come back decorated with the ,military ,cross4 ,letters reach me from all parts of the globe from old boys of ,radchester who are sailing to fight in some region ,i never heard of before the war4 ,and all the time we try to preserve the spirit that has made ,england great here at home in ,marlton4 ,it used to seem something of a backwater before the war--how much more is it one now3 the milkmen and the farm labourers1 the shop assistants1 and the railway porters who had never been farther afield than ,exeter are now in ,egypt1 ,malta1 ,india1 ,france1 all over the globe4 ,what a widening of experience1 what books will be written when it is all over4 ,for the last year we have thought of nothing but the wonderful adventures of ,captain ,scott and his fellow-adventurers in their quest for the ,south ,pole4 ,commander ,evans came to ,marlton and lectured to us about the heroic death of ,captain ,oates3 we were all swept off our feet with enthusiasm but no one in the hall ever dreamt that he would be called upon to emulate such a deed1 and yet now daily1 hourly1 that feat is being rivalled4 ,so long as there are any men left in this country there is no need to fear that we shall lack for heroes4 ,boys1 who when they were at school were looked upon as feckless funks1 have performed valorous exploits1 which any one remembering their school days would have regarded as absolutely beyond the bounds of belief4 ,january #bj1 #aiae ,i get heartily sick of the holidays these days because there is so little to do1 and ,i hate to see all my pals training while ,i am doing nothing at all4 ,schoolmastering seems so dull1 but there is no doubt where one's duty lies4 ,april #ae1 #aiae ,i have now finished a second term at ,marlton under war conditions4 ,i find that the war has brought us closer together1 masters and boys alike4 ,we have had lectures from wounded soldiers on the campaign in different parts of the globe4 ,the ,corps is more flourishing than ever4 ,our favourite amusement now is the night-attack1 which is nearer the real thing than anything else we do4 ,i went down to a depot the other day to get some tips and saw some first-rate signalling1 the ,lewis gun1 and some bombing practice4 ,poor ,elspeth about half-way through the term complained to me one day that she felt too rotten to keep some engagement that she was due for and ,i fetched the doctor much against her will1 and to my horror he told me that she had appendicitis and must be operated on immediately4 ,we took her over to ,lewes and put her into a nursing home1 and ,i left her there late one night after a last passionate embrace and was taken over by ,leary the next day in his side-car to hear the result of the operation and was told that she had come through it all right4 ,i shall never forget the agony of waiting to hear the verdict4 ,i made ,leary motor me at terrific speed half across ,sussex to keep my mind from dwelling too insistently on it4 ,her heart is weak and she nearly went under1 but thank ,god she pulled through in the end1 although she was very weak for a long time after4 ,my life alone during her illness ,i can't dwell upon3 it was altogether too horrible4 ,i roamed about the countryside absolutely disconsolate4 ,i have no use for life at all without her4 ,every day as soon as work was over ,i push-biked the eight miles into ,lewes to see her and talk for a little1 then cycled home again to my lonely cottage4 ,i was nearer dementia then than ,i have ever been4 ,i have got to know more of the boys in the school this last term4 ,they are a wonderfully fine lot1 particularly ,o',dowd and ,raynes1 who still write weekly essays for me and discuss literary problems4 ,i tried to act ,the ,younger ,generation in my ,debating ,society1 but the idea was quashed by the ,censor4 ,i have altered the old system of reading round a table and substituted a much more effective plan4 ,we now read in ,big ,school from the platform standing up1 with action and dresses complete4 ,instead of each individual member having to buy copies of the play ,i have now bought numbers of copies and formed a library upon which any member of the school may draw just as he likes4 ,we have had one or two strange temporary masters4 ,one1 an elderly scholar1 had an eccentric habit of always searching the bottoms of one's trousers for matches3 he had once heard of a man being burnt alive that way and was in a continual fright lest it should happen to some one whom he knew4 ,we have got a new ,sixth ,form tutor1 a fellow of ,queen's1 ,oxford1 who has become a firm friend of mine4 ,he is1 like most of my colleagues1 very well off and has furnished himself with a splendid library which he allows me to use4 ,i have done a good deal of writing and much reading3 my books are costing me less because ,i am doing a good deal of reviewing for the ,london papers4 ,one of the strangest effects of the war up to now has been its result upon the world of papers and books4 ,paper is very expensive and there is great difficulty in getting ,,mss4 printed and bound1 but people are all buying books in great numbers1 particularly poetry and fiction4 ,owing to my own smaller successes ,i have received invitations to meet and to stay with some of the leading writers of the day1 which needless to say ,i have accepted1 though if ,i go ,i shall have to go without ,elspeth1 for as soon as it was possible we took her by car from the nursing home in ,lewes all the way to her home at ,bath1 where the doctor says she must stay for some months4 ,i can't face next term without her3 ,i don't know what ,i shall do and yet ,i cannot conscientiously expect her to come back to me until she is quite fit to look after the house again4 ,at present she is recovering very slowly and looks dreadfully weak and thin4 ,may #d1 #aiae ,when the term was over ,i did go round to the various houses to which ,i had been invited and met the queerest people4 ,i was nervous and irritable without ,elspeth and never stayed more than a night or two in any one house and kept on rushing back to see how ,elspeth was getting on4 ,these ,easter holidays have been rather nightmarish because of ,elspeth's illness4 ,i could not settle down to anything1 and of course we could not go out much because she could not walk4 ,on the other hand1 for some reason ,i was unable to concentrate my attention on writing4 ,everything was in a state of blur owing to the shock ,i sustained at her operation4 ,in some degree last term was like the same term two years ago when ,i was engaged4 ,i tried to hurl myself into my work3 ,i refereed on and coached the junior games1 ,i devised all sorts of schemes to interest my boys in ,english1 ,i had boys up to tea to remove some of my loneliness1 but ,i was gradually going out of my mind because ,i had no ,elspeth by me to soothe me4 ,and all the time the war has been weighing very heavily upon me4 ,the waste of the flower of this country is frightful4 ,on ,april #bc young ,rupert ,brooke died1 and we have lost the premier poet of the age before he had had the chance to transmit a quarter of the splendid things that were burning inside him4 ,somehow ,i feel his loss more than that of any one ,i have known4 ,,xvii ,july #ca1 #aiae ,this term has been the worst in my recollection4 ,elspeth was not allowed to come back at the beginning of term because she was not able to cope with the housework1 so ,i thought to compromise by going up to ,bath every week-end to see her4 ,i did this1 but the five days between each visit became so ghastly that ,i could not face them4 ,i begged her to come back at all costs to save my brain4 ,she did so for a few weeks1 to her mother's intense indignation and her own no little wrath4 ,both of them thought it merely gross selfishness on my part to demand such a thing1 as of course in a sense it was4 ,but ,i really was ill4 ,the local doctor could do nothing and sent me up to a specialist in ,harley ,street1 who told me to go to the ,highlands for the whole of the summer holidays and take a complete rest4 ,i'm suffering from an over-active brain4 ,so to-morrow we are to set off for the north of ,scotland4 ,this term has passed uneventfully enough so far as the school is concerned4 ,i went to see the ,bishop about being ordained and he welcomed the suggestion1 but ,i am still not clear in my mind about it4 ,i have always had a hankering after the church1 but ,i wonder if it is simply that ,i may find an excuse to preach4 ,i know ,i am always preaching in form4 ,i spend the whole week preparing subjects for my ,sunday's divinity lesson1 which is really a hotch-potch of the week's events with a moral tag appended4 ,i have watched a few cricket matches and tried to rid myself of my nervous behaviour in front of senior masters4 ,i always behave in ,common ,room as if ,i were a small boy3 ,i have never been able to eradicate the idea that these are my masters whenever ,i meet them4 ,in my writings ,i am becoming too critical1 but it is all rather superficial4 ,i know that there are grave abuses in the ,public ,school system1 though the war swept away at least half of them2 ,i also know that ,i have a reputation here of indulging quite indiscriminately in wholesale destructive diatribes3 the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up as they say of me4 ,i have not tempered my enthusiasm with reticence or bridled my tongue severely enough4 ,the result is that ,i have divided the school into two great factions1 the loyalists and the seceders4 ,this is what my enemies lay to my charge4 ,i cannot believe that my influence carries any weight at all4 ,i am only a junior master and ,i don't mix with the boys here as ,i used to at ,radchester for the simple reason that ,i live too far away from the school and that ,i have a wife4 ,the only people who see much of the boys are the ,house-masters and the ,house tutors4 ,the rest of us take a few sets1 control1 say1 a debating or natural history society or choir1 perhaps are responsible for a form1 and there's an end of our influence4 ,by bowling at the nets one meets a few others1 in the ,corps one comes across two ,houses1 and of course the school prefects are known to all the staff4 ,but there is very little intimacy between boy and master1 though such relations are as much encouraged here as they were discouraged at ,radchester4 ,a few of my closer friends come up to borrow books and stay and talk sometimes1 others again come to hear the gramophone or to play the piano to me1 but ,i have all too few friends among the boys4 ,there have been one or two colossal rows this term1 in spite of the fact that we are at war4 ,boy-nature seems to remain the same in spite of all--and not only boy-nature but adult nature1 for even here members of ,common ,room fight one against the other like tigers when one man infringes on another man's rights4 ,all these disputes have quite petty beginnings1 but they assume alarming proportions in a very short space of time4 ,i have been preaching about the dangers of over-athleticism4 ,the consequence is that there is a blood-feud between those who worship at the shrine of games and those who think that games should be played merely as recreation4 ,this has now become a question of ,houses4 ,there are ,houses where everything is put second to games and others where games are put last4 ,it is all rather comic because it really means nothing at all4 ,the whole matter is always just personal4 ,there are ,houses with a tradition against taking the ,corps seriously3 there are others where they think of nothing else4 ,one good sign ,i have noticed of late is the resuscitation of ,house ,debating and ,literary ,societies4 ,boys debate among themselves on all sorts of school topics1 internal politics2 the spirit of criticism is abroad3 boys are beginning to think1 there is hope for them4 ,there are1 however1 many masters who tell me that boys ought not to think3 they ought to accept and not question1 that to inculcate the carping spirit is a malicious practice4 ,i wonder how much this is true4 ,i stand and everyone knows it1 for the cultivation of the sthetic and the intellectual first1 just because in the past they have been so despised4 ,i am myself neither sthetic nor intellectual but ,i have a craving after each4 ,athletics in themselves cannot satisfy the inner cravings of man3 he wants more nourishment than that4 ,i like to see the school magazine filled with good sound articles of general interest and poetry1 as well as accounts of the term's doings4 ,i cannot see why the latter should oust the former any more than the former should supplant the latter4 ,i want fair dealing4 ,at present there is no fair dealing4 ,consequently some of the brighter spirits have produced magazines of their own1 satirical1 comic1 serious1 any and every sort as a counterblast to the school magazine4 ,these illegitimate productions have a short life but a quite merry one4 ,they create endless diversion owing to the fact that the satire is too carefully veiled for any but the very few to understand it2 people are set guessing as to the possible authors1 and there is always a rumour that the paper is about to be suppressed4 ,they show a spark of humour1 whereas the legitimate magazine is always deadly serious3 when it aims at humour1 as in its correspondence1 it only succeeds in being ineffably tedious and dull4 ,september #bj1 #aiae ,we had a wonderful holiday in ,scotland4 ,we went via ,edinburgh to ,kingussie1 which is in ,strathspey1 in full view of the ,cairngorms2 the scenery between ,blair ,atholl and ,kingussie is magnificently rugged and grand4 ,kingussie itself is a fair-sized village of white-washed houses with two quite excellent hotels1 both under the same management4 ,we chose the cheaper and had the luck to have the run of the other4 ,from the very first we made friends4 ,by a strange chance two of the cheeriest and most typical of the best sort of ,marltonians happened to be up there and we went for many excursions together1 bathing in lochs and burns and climbing cairns4 ,acting on my specialist's advice ,i began to take up golf and became immediately seized with a mania4 ,before we left ,i was playing thirty-six holes a day4 ,the golf-course at ,kingussie is right up the mountainside and is truly hazardous and sporting4 ,there were crowds of visitors1 all of them as merry as could be4 ,except for a few men in kilts and trains full of sailors passing through1 one would never have believed that we were a nation at war4 ,every sort of person came and stayed at our hotel during the eight weeks that we were there1 from ,mr4 ,asquith and ,mr4 ,mc,kenna to the most astoundingly vulgar shopkeepers from ,dundee and ,glasgow4 ,the wonderful fresh air soon brought colour to ,elspeth's cheeks and she began to take exercise and climb some of the peaks near by with me3 she also bathed with me in the ,spey and sat and painted the blue hills while ,i wrote4 ,we made friends with the ,english chaplain and his wife1 with the hotel proprietor who had amassed a wonderful collection of curios1 with a peerless ,marlborough boy whom ,i am never likely to forget1 with a few convalescent officers and most of the residents4 ,never a day passed that was not full of enjoyment4 ,the weeks passed all too quickly but ,i rapidly grew better and my nerves became quieter and my outlook on life less turbulent and queer4 ,i owe my cure mainly to golf1 which kept my thoughts off writing or the war4 ,i have had articles in most of the important reviews and in several of the weeklies4 ,i find that ,i am being hailed as an educational expert and a literary critic1 whereas in reality ,i am neither4 ,i am a poor1 rather demented creature with very high ideals and in my anxiety to see some of my ideas carried out ,i offend many good men1 put myself into a false position and ruin myself in other people's estimation4 ,i am over-enthusiastic4 ,if ,i could only learn to go more slowly4 ,it is the same old story about my mathematical teaching4 ,i can't understand why a boy should not acquire the rudiments of mathematics quickly4 ,i know that he could if he would only bestir himself4 ,so if only the schools as a whole would bestir themselves1 we should get boys interested in something more important than games4 ,i go the wrong way to work4 ,i haven't got the tact of a flea4 ,as my first publisher said when ,i sent him the draft of my first novel1 ,this is too damned honest4 ,that has been my failure through life4 ,instead of turning things over in my mind ,i just blurt out what ,i am thinking at the moment and get angry because every one doesn't straightway agree4 ,elspeth and ,i spent a few days at ,nairn in order to taste the sea breezes and ,i played golf with a ,cambridge billiard ,blue1 who has now a post in the ,british ,museum4 ,nairn is full of interesting people1 but it is a strange anomaly of a place4 ,in parts it is as hideous as ,radchester1 in others1 as in the view across to ,cromarty1 it is exquisitely beautiful3 the colours are soft and of every hue4 ,i found this part of ,scotland interesting from a literary point of view4 ,there is certainly a touch of ,macbeth in ,forres3 and ,ossian could only have been written by a man who knew ,kingussie4 ,i hope before ,i die that we shall once again have the chance to see ,loch ,laggan3 ,i have never been more taken with a piece of scenery in my life4 ,laggan is like a miniature sea1 set in between two beautifully shaped hills1 ideally quiet1 perfect for bathing and for rambling about on the moors4 ,but it is too far out of the world for a man situated as ,i am now1 who cannot bear to be out of touch with the latest movements4 ,laggan would be the place to go to worry out some new philosophy or to compose some wonderful new piece of music4 ,i think ,i could write a novel there4 ,but there must be no rumours of wars over the other side of the hill4 ,in these days the heart pines for ,london and friends3 it sounds ungrateful to say this1 for ,scotland did a great deal for me1 and ,elspeth and ,i both benefited enormously from our stay and were loath to go4 ,december #ca1 #aiae ,we determined to take in a paying guest this term3 our ,scottish tour cost us #ajj4 ,luckily we got an exceedingly interesting man1 just down from ,oxford1 who has come here to take temporary work4 ,he is a great historian and exceedingly keen on political economy4 ,he began by being badly ragged by the boys and detested by his colleagues because of his rather new ideas and revolutionary principles3 ,i came to like him very much4 ,he entertained ,elspeth and me a good deal4 ,when he first arrived he was deadly serious1 but we soon laughed him into a more equable state of mind3 unfortunately for us he was conscripted although he was nearly blind1 and so he had to go4 ,i have three times been up to the ,war ,office to try to get out to the ,front1 but it is no good thinking of it till ,i am sane again4 ,the last ,war ,office official whom ,i saw sent me to the greatest brain specialist in ,london1 and ,i now go up every week to be quietened down4 ,he won't let me write more than is essential for my well-being1 he tries to put me into an easy state of mind where ,i cease from troubling about anything4 ,the idea is to get the nervous tissues to work evenly1 not to get frayed and harassed by the millions of perplexing doubts and obsessions which flit across my mind4 ,i am doing my best to act on his advice4 ,it is all a question of whether my will is strong enough to impose a brake upon my mind1 which is always showing signs of breaking loose from the necessary restraint that sanity demands4 ,he tells me to enjoy life1 not to take myself so seriously1 to let things slide and adjust themselves4 ,in my frenzy to get things done1 ,i overreach myself4 ,i attack the deadly dullness of the countryside1 ,i attack the abuses in a school curriculum4 ,i even oppose the current morality of the age and instead of doing good ,i do active harm4 ,i don't stop to think how my opinions will be construed4 ,i wish some of those who look on me as a dangerous innovator could see me in form4 ,i am sure that no one could take exception to my statements there4 ,my whole gospel is all of a piece4 ,lukewarmness is the unforgivable sin3 one must be an active agent and ally oneself on the side of ,god or mammon4 ,there is no halting between two opinions3 if we accept 7as we must7 one or the other so must we fight for that side tooth and nail4 ,the ,holy ,ghost1 the ,divine ,spark1 conscience1 call it what you will that inspires men on to courageous1 unselfish1 heroic acts and thoughts1 dies unless it is nurtured and carefully looked after4 ,that is the lesson ,i impress on my boys in all the lessons where ,i get a chance of talking4 ,on ,sunday and ,monday mornings ,i comment on all the books ,i have read during the week1 drawing some lesson of life for their guidance4 ,he only is the true teacher who is not afraid to teach1 to explain the difficulties of life1 his own shortcomings and attempts to find the light4 ,one must be honest to deal fairly with boys4 ,i spend my time now in bicycling down to school after breakfast1 teaching all the morning1 writing articles all the afternoon with an occasional variant by walking down to the town with ,elspeth1 teaching from #d4ae to #f1 and then coming home and writing until #aj and so to bed4 ,in this way the days slip past at incredible speed4 ,we seem to be in another world from the war3 our only reminders are gigantic catastrophes1 big successes1 old boys returning scarred and maimed2 telephonic communications plastered in the local bookseller's window1 wounded soldiers1 ,belgian refugees1 and occasional lectures4 ,common ,room conversation has changed4 ,the talk now during break is nearly always on the news of the day and very gloomy are the predictions made1 especially by our older men1 who are very hard hit by the horror of it and age perceptibly between one term and another4 ,the debating societies flourish as they never did before1 boys seem to be working harder1 games are relegated to a secondary place in the estimation of the school and we seem to have settled down with grim determination to see it through4 ,i have lately been lecturing to the ,girls' ,school and in ,london on ,rupert ,brooke4 ,he is a poet exactly after my own heart4 ,he is clever1 witty1 honest1 and tries to find a meaning in life4 ,he strains after ,beauty but is not afraid of ,ugliness3 he is in love with the material1 the tangible joys of life1 but is not afraid of probing into the unseen world and guessing at what lies behind the darkness4 ,i have had the great good fortune to have two books published this autumn1 one a school textbook1 the other a series of sketches of ,english country life reprinted from the magazines4 ,the sense of authorship gives me tremendous pleasure and the letters ,i get of adverse and commendatory criticism do me good4 ,i would rather write a real book that mattered1 something to inspire and cheer people up and show them a path through the labyrinth of life than anything else in the world4 ,pray ,god ,i may live long enough to do that4 ,the days of quarrels and struggles for supremacy between ,elspeth and myself are over4 ,she is extraordinarily patient with me and ,i do my level best not to give her cause for offence4 ,when either of us shows signs of a relapse1 the other immediately climbs down and gives in at once4 ,i am as happy as it is possible for man to be4 ,some half-dozen boys come up to my house regularly and talk bookish shop and show up literary compositions of wonderful insight and value4 ,i am making more and more friends in the school4 ,coningsby is perhaps my closest friend3 he is the ,tony of ,marlton3 he chafes at the routine and rules and finds an avenue of escape in literature3 he is also a born poet4 ,he has a true sense of beauty and is learning to discipline himself by imitating the metres of all the older poets4 ,i am trying to teach him the necessity of discipline1 reticence and restraint in writing as in life1 but ,i find it very hard owing to my own inability to conform in one or the other4 ,i take him with me to the ,university ,extension ,lectures on the modern poets and to the frequent concerts given in the town by ,plunket ,greene1 ,gervase ,elwes1 the ,london ,string ,quartette1 the ,westminster ,glee ,singers and other celebrities that come down here4 ,one thing which has brought out the latent talent and interesting side of a number of boys has been a performance of ,twelfth ,night1 which one of the ,house-masters got up in aid of charity4 ,boys love acting and to meet them day after day at rehearsals brought us all into much closer contact than we were before4 ,boys think far more deeply than they used to4 ,they grow much more quickly to maturity than they were wont4 ,in one way one misses the careless irresponsibility3 it kept one eternally young to be always with youth1 but now1 partly owing to the fact that all the senior boys work in the holidays in munition factories or on farms1 the whole school is much more grown up in spite of the fact that the average age is much lower4 ,january #ag1 #aiaf ,elspeth and ,i spent ,christmas in ,bath and ,i tried to write without much success1 so we decided to go to ,bournemouth1 where we stayed for three weeks and enjoyed every minute of it4 ,by a strange chance we met at least half a dozen people who were with us in ,scotland in the summer4 ,we walked about the cliffs trying to get strong and went to many entertainments and read a great many novels4 ,we joined in at nights with the hotel people in their amusements1 which did us both good and went a long way to remove the depression of the times4 ,i still go up to ,london every week to see my specialist4 ,i am gradually getting quieter1 though there are moments when my restlessness drives me to do crazy things4 ,there are hardly any old ,radcastrians of my time left4 ,two masters are back maimed for life1 one armless1 and the other without a right leg4 ,the other young ones are all killed4 ,stapleton has given up his living and is working on a farm3 ,montague and ,jimmy ,haye keep on coming and going from and to ,france4 ,both have been wounded once1 but they seem to bear charmed lives4 ,they always spent some part of their leave with us at ,marlton4 ,they live for getting somewhere where it is really quiet and there is no reminder of the war4 ,april #c1 #aiaf ,it is strange to walk through the streets of ,marlton and hear working-men talking of ,salonika1 ,gallipoli1 ,mesopotamia1 and ,india in the most casual way as if they were all villages within easy walking distances4 ,the postmen1 porters1 and farm labourers are beginning to come back1 having been invalided out of the services4 ,all of them are full of wonderful exploits and make us poor stay-at-homes feel out of it and useless4 ,the term has passed quietly4 ,i have been told by the ,head ,master that my writings do not altogether please my colleagues1 that ,i do not temper my enthusiasm with sufficient discretion or think long enough before ,i commit myself to a judgment4 ,i have been too much obsessed with my theory that the intellectual and sthetic faculties should be cultivated before the others to see the dangerous side of my tenets4 ,i hate upsetting the masters here because some of them have been very long-suffering with my madness4 ,i am certainly extremely unpopular because1 like ,feste1 ,i am comptible1 even to the least sinister usage4 ,under my mask ,i am abnormally sensitive4 ,i hate making enemies4 ,i want to be every man's friend4 ,i almost deceive myself into thinking that ,i am1 then in an unguarded moment ,i flaunt an opinion which disgusts the conventional2 in my horror of ignorance and dullness ,i make sweeping generalizations about people who live in the country and ,i somewhat naturally have the whole hive about my ears4 ,who am ,i1 forsooth1 to talk of ignorance and dullness8 ,why should ,i set myself up as a pinnacle of light8 ,i don't3 it's just because ,i am striving so hard to escape from the slough that ,i seek to drag out others with me1 a foolish1 quixotic act4 ,elspeth and ,i have been amusing ourselves looking at all the vacant houses in the town to find somewhere larger3 it is rather a good game going over other people's houses and comparing them with one's own4 ,we had a fortnight of deep snow and spent the time in tobogganing1 which took me right back to boyhood's days4 ,for that fortnight ,i was quite easy in my mind and irresponsible again1 forgetful of the myriad worries that beset me4 ,we find it very hard to keep going4 ,i get agonies of apprehension just before each post comes in1 wondering what manuscripts are going to be returned1 hoping against hope that at last something will be accepted4 ,if only ,i could get a series commissioned1 ,i should be happy4 ,it's a fiendish business thinking out subjects to amuse people1 only to be turned down by one editor after another4 ,i spend a small fortune in stamps alone4 ,all the same ,i ought not to grumble3 ,i make on an average about #ajj a year by writing4 ,when editors do pay1 they pay handsomely1 quite out of proportion to the trouble of writing the one article that finds acceptance4 ,what stupefies me is the enormous drawer full of writings all sent back too often to submit again1 or else topical and hence dead4 ,i find that ,i can't write on the war4 ,i want to be definitely literary or definitely educational4 ,my colleagues dislike my doing the latter1 and there is very little market for the former4 ,,xviii ,may #d1 #aiaf ,we spent the ,easter holidays near a munitions works in ,essex and had our first taste of ,zeppelins4 ,i was acting in some amateur theatricals to amuse the workers in the factories1 and while we were driving home afterwards immediately above us sailed gracefully along the grey cigar-shaped beautiful engine of destruction4 ,the noise of the bursting shells and the bombs she dropped was terrific3 but none of the people who live here seemed to worry at all4 ,i was frightened considerably1 but there was nothing to be done except go to bed1 so we did4 ,i don't care about seeing any more ,zeppelins3 it would take a considerable time for me to take them all as part of the day's work4 ,i went over the factories and saw the whole business1 from danger buildings to the most elementary innocuous part of the concern4 ,it is a colossal undertaking and one that gives a man some slight inkling of the gigantic conflict in which we are engaged4 ,the workers seemed all very cheery and were of all types1 from parsons to bricklayers1 domestic servants to duchesses4 ,we were staying with some extremely pleasant people4 ,the daughter of the house1 ,sybil ,grant1 is to live with us for a term because she is unhappy at school4 ,her mother likes my system of education3 the household is one of the best ,i have ever stayed in4 ,they are all interested in modern movements1 in poetry1 science1 ethics1 everything pertaining to the intellect1 and at the same time they are athletic4 ,like the people in ,mr4 ,britling they play strenuous and humorous games of hockey every ,sunday afternoon1 recruiting from local ,belgian refugees1 service men at home on leave1 nurses1 and all the local girls for their sides4 ,i have rarely enjoyed a holiday more4 ,yet even here the bad side of my character came out at times4 ,i grew restless and morose some days and dashed off to ,london for no purpose except that ,i wanted to keep moving4 ,the suburbs of ,london on the north-east side depress me frightfully4 ,coming back from ,liverpool ,street through ,hackney ,downs and ,enfield is like going through the ,inferno4 ,june #be1 #aiaf ,it is rather jolly having ,sybil ,grant in the house3 she gives me a special human interest4 ,it is the first time ,i have come into contact with an absolutely slack person4 ,she disliked school because she could not get on with her work4 ,i don't wonder4 ,she is incapable of tackling any subject unless she loves it4 ,she reads a great deal of poetry and likes writing it4 ,but her art is quite formless4 ,like the boy ,coningsby she always writes of sea-gulls and desolate cliffs4 ,all her topics are as morbid as youthful topics always are3 she delights in death-bed scenes and lonely suicides1 deserted lovers1 and murderers4 ,in her way she is something of a mystic4 ,she rather thinks that she is gifted with second sight1 which spoils her a good deal1 because it leads her to imagine herself as a sort of divine prophetess4 ,she makes many friends among the boys1 which is good both for them and for herself4 ,i spend most of my time in being exceedingly rude to her and putting her down to work out mathematical problems1 which she loathes4 ,in spite of this1 however1 we understand one another pretty well and get on admirably4 ,we have to-day had a great lunch at the ,castle ,hotel1 two ,sixth ,form boys and two young but thoroughly intellectual masters4 ,for two hours we sat and discussed educational ideals4 ,maltby is all for the many being sacrificed to the few3 brains alone matter3 he would have all games bloods disregarded entirely unless they were in the ,sixth1 but all members of the top forms privileged in every possible sort of way in order to act as an incentive to others to emulate them2 intellectual and not athletic prowess is his creed1 and of course ,i agree to a large extent4 ,our object is to show boys that nothing matters in comparison with the growth of the brain1 that hard work leads to competence1 honour1 and a full understanding of life1 and that nothing but hard work will bring out the best and most laudable faculties in man4 ,in order to achieve this we should have to destroy the whole existing system1 for the love of beef and muscle is at present ingrained in boys from their earliest years and hero-worship is apparently as rampant as ever it was4 ,in my own small way ,i always try to instil into my boys the necessity to open and use all the brain-cells instead of just ten or twenty per cent1 of them1 but my influence alone doesn't count for much4 ,we try to teach the lesson that games are only a recreation and not the serious business of life4 ,i believe the attitude which boys adopt towards the ,corps is the right one4 ,they work hard enough at the book work1 they try to become as efficient as possible on parade1 but they revel in field-days4 ,we have had two splendid ones this term4 ,one day last week we marched down to ,welham ,heights and fought a great fight across the heather against heavy odds4 ,it is a wonderful place4 ,it was a very clear day and in the intervals of fighting we got a chance of taking in the beauties that lay before us1 the winding valleys1 the furze-clad downs1 the distant white cliffs and the green of the open sea4 ,few of those who took part in this manuvre will quickly forget the impression which this superb view of ,sussex made on their minds4 ,such a day fills us all with renewed energies for our work3 we fill our lungs with fresh air and our minds with fresh and invigorating thoughts3 we go back to work revivified and full of determination4 ,incidentally we seem to get to know each other better4 ,on the way home in the train we discuss all sorts of subjects nearest to our hearts1 which we do not normally give voice to4 ,we have very much more chastened ,speech ,days in war time than we used to have4 ,there is no cricket match1 no prize-giving1 no luncheon1 only the ,priory service is retained and to that is added the ever-lengthening list of ,old ,boys who have given their lives for ,england4 ,july #ab1 #aiaf ,a red-letter day in the history of the family of ,traherne4 ,elspeth gave birth to a daughter this afternoon at half-past one4 ,for months past ,i have been trying to look after her in view of this great event1 for the last weeks ,i have myself been in a state of frenzy lest anything should go wrong and ,i should lose her4 ,to-day has been a ghastly ordeal4 ,i had to spend most of it in school1 which was a good thing1 because it kept my mind from brooding4 ,from nine to one ,i taught1 speaking all the time1 trying my hardest to concentrate on quadratic equations and ,army ,english4 ,i went up at lunch-time and was told to disappear till four o'clock4 ,i went for miles on my bicycle seeing nothing1 my mind a blank1 except for one ever-recurring sentence3 ,o ,god6 grant that it may be all right4 ,i couldn't face the thought of her going under4 ,elspeth is the whole world to me4 ,she has gradually weaned me from my love of schoolmastering and now ,i think of nothing at all but her4 ,i went back at four and was told that everything was all right and that ,i was the father of a daughter4 ,i thought of nothing but ,elspeth's health and ,i was taken up to see her3 she looked dreadfully frail and ill4 ,i forgot the baby3 ,i didn't even want to see her until ,i had seen ,elspeth--then ,i was shown the wee morsel of humanity in its cot4 ,its cry sounded to me quite uncanny4 ,it seemed so hard to realize that another life had entered the world since ,i was last in the house4 ,every one at the school has been up to congratulate me3 hundreds of telegrams had to be dispatched1 flowers and presents of all sorts began to arrive4 ,i begin to feel really important1 but the fact that ,i am a father will take a long time to realize4 ,i had no idea how strung up ,i had been all the term before3 the presence of a nurse in the house for the last week had worried me and kept me in a state of continual torture4 ,the courage of a girl having to face such an ordeal in cold blood is positively wonderful4 ,i only hope that she will quickly recover4 ,august #a1 #aiaf ,it has been a fortnight of great trial4 ,elspeth was left very weak and ill and is by no means well yet4 ,she has had a very hard time4 ,the infant is as good as gold and amazingly healthy4 ,she cries very seldom4 ,i had always imagined that children cried through the entire night1 but this kid never cries at all3 she is one big smile by day and contentedly sleepy at night4 ,she is beautifully proportioned and has large blue eyes and regular features4 ,i had always thought men rather fools who raved about their children's looks3 all babies used to look alike to me4 ,now ,i know that there never was such a baby as mine3 ,i look anxiously into prams along the road and compare the babies whom ,i see there with mine4 ,i have managed to hide my affection for her from all the people who ask me silly questions4 ,i'm not going to be classed with all the other fathers there ever were as a blind worshipper of my own child4 ,her hands and feet give me undiluted pleasure4 ,it is amazing to watch her moving them about3 her suppleness ought to be a sign of healthy activity in the future4 ,her head is small and splendidly proportioned4 ,i hope she does not grow up a fool4 ,she gives ,elspeth a wonderful1 never-ending interest in life3 she thinks of nothing else4 ,it is the best thing that could possibly have happened to her3 we ought to have had a child at the very beginning4 ,i am more proud of her than ,i dare acknowledge to any one except myself4 ,i should like to write a book just jotting down her daily growth1 her recognition of her mother1 of the nurse1 of me1 of strangers1 of things in a room4 ,at present she loves looking at her hands and she keeps her thumb in her mouth most of the day and night4 ,she has an extraordinary amount of individuality3 unluckily1 she is terribly frightened of any sudden noise4 ,this must be inherited4 ,i hope to ,heaven that she does not inherit her father's dementia as well4 ,at present she has got1 ,i am told1 exactly the expression of my eyes1 the far-away1 detached look varied by a piercing1 questioning1 quizzical gaze that so disconcerts strangers4 ,elspeth's mother is extraordinarily attached to her and would give her life for her3 it is a joy to see the delight which the infant takes in her grandmother and vice versa4 ,we have christened her ,prunella after my mother4 ,i had the luck to get ,tony down to the christening to be her godfather4 ,elspeth is going to spend the first part of the holidays in ,bath while ,i take ,tony for a walking tour in ,devon and ,cornwall during his convalescence4 ,he has been wounded in both arms4 ,he1 like everybody else1 thinks her perfect4 ,i only hope that she will grow up loving us and finding us worthy of her love4 ,we must try to make life easier for her than it has been for us4 ,september #bj1 #aiaf ,tony and ,i had a wonderful holiday together4 ,now that ,elspeth has ,prunella and her mother she is happy and ,i1 for some strange reason1 feel that ,i am leaving some part of myself behind with her in the person of the kid1 so ,i did not feel the separation so acutely as ,i should otherwise have done4 ,i always return from a holiday in the ,west ,country a different man4 ,on this occasion as the result ,tony wrote some wonderfully descriptive verses and three short stories1 and ,i was inspired to begin my first novel4 ,i am not satisfied with it1 because as usual ,i have hurried through it far too quickly1 my characterization is not sound1 my protagonists have simply run away with me4 ,i start off by meaning to say one thing and then end up by saying something quite different4 ,i cannot visualize scenes accurately3 ,i give a hazy1 vague impression like a man who never keeps his eye on the object4 ,i have often1 for instance1 tried since ,i have been at ,marlton to describe the school1 the ,priory1 or the town1 but ,i have never succeeded in pleasing myself with the result4 ,the town to me is just a cluster of beautiful old houses set in a picturesque valley flanked with wooded hills2 the ,priory which stands in the midst defies description4 ,i know that when ,i get inside ,i gaze at the thin perpendicular pillars1 the ornate ceiling1 the many coloured stained-glass windows1 the slender beauty of the whole1 but ,i cannot get the impression it makes upon me into words3 the school is simply an ,oxford ,college with lime-trees in the quadrangle and latticed windows to its studies and no more4 ,i can't paint what it looks like on a clear moonlight night1 or when the lights shine through the rain on to the puddles in the main courts4444 ,so it is with ,devon and ,cornwall3 their very names ring in my ears like some magic phrase1 but ,i can't explain the fascination these counties have for me4 ,it is all rather a tragedy for me1 for a man who cannot see or describe accurately can scarcely expect to become a writer1 and ,i am almost as keen to bring out a great book as ,i am to be a great schoolmaster4 ,the tragedy lies even deeper1 for ,i fail even in my calling4 ,i want to be able to plant my finger on abuses and rid the world of them1 and ,i find ,i am simply in my hurry destroying the wheat with the tares and bringing the whole edifice of education about my ears with no definite constructive theory about the rebuilding4 ,i love boys but ,i don't attract many but the outcasts4 ,during the time that ,i have been at ,marlton ,i have only got to know at the outside a dozen intimately1 and ,i don't know that my influence on these has been wholly good4 ,i rouse in them a spirit of criticism and get them to refuse to believe anything until they have proved it for themselves4 ,i have made enemies of practically all the staff1 all of whom are better fellows than ,i am and do more good with less effort4 ,i seem to be the ,martha of my profession1 cumbered about with too much serving1 always thinking that ,i am the only one who is really working because ,i kick up such a fuss about it4 ,i seem to have been like this in everything that ,i have undertaken4 ,when ,i was married1 ,i considered that ,i was the only man who had ever had to learn by experience the laws that govern marriage1 when ,prunella was born ,i imagined myself to be the only father in the world4 ,i suppose ,i do feel joys and miseries more acutely than most people4 ,the smallest kindness shown me makes me almost worship the doer of it2 the least hint of inimical criticism and ,i am up in arms in a moment and consider myself the most badly treated man on the face of the earth4 ,it is awful to have to face oneself and write oneself down as self-centred1 narrow1 anarchical1 selfish1 and all the rest of it4 ,at any rate those friends ,i have1 have clung to me through thick and thin1 and ,elspeth has been a brick to stick to me as she has4 ,i made her come up to town to see ,tony before he went back to ,france and to buy some new clothes4 ,i am so proud of her these days that ,i want to dress her smartly1 give her none but the best things to wear1 entertain her to all the amusements that are going4 ,she loves ,london2 the shops and restaurants and theatres all provide her with a never-failing source of interest4 ,besides which it is necessary to have a fling in the big world before we retire to our backwater at ,marlton3 it is all very well for me1 but there is nothing for her to do there but tend ,prunella4 ,december #ai1 #aiaf ,this ,christmas term has passed all too quickly4 ,elspeth has been wrapped up in ,prunella and watches her growth with ever-increasing delight4 ,i see the infant in the early morning and talk to her while ,i am shaving3 she is now cutting teeth and doing her level best to talk4 ,her remarks at present consist of ,gug-gug-,da-da1 and incomprehensible noises pitched high and low in the scale3 she laughs like a grown-up person3 she only cries when the piano is being played or the gramophone put on4 ,she lies and kicks in her cot1 her pram or arm-chair by the hour3 she is quite contented crooning and laughing to herself4 ,she wriggles her hands and toes about incessantly and is as bad as any animal about her bottle3 her eyes dilate with fury if it is delayed1 and with pleasure when it appears4 ,her interest in everything that goes on is positively comic3 she is afraid of nothing except sudden noises and allows herself to be handled by any stranger4 ,all the masters' wives love her3 she must be really a beauty because every one is agreed about it4 ,i think her eyes are lovely and her contentment is a thing to marvel at4 ,the patience required for lying for months trying to learn to talk1 with teeth slowly coming1 hair slowly growing1 strength gradually being built up1 must be immense4 ,her intuition is perhaps the most noticeable thing about her3 she knows when she is being ragged1 she knows somehow exactly what it is that people are trying to convey to her1 and she answers any one's smile with a beautiful grin which is entirely her own4 ,she is1 however1 a complete deterrent to work4 ,i always want to be with her1 to have her on my lap and pet her1 but ,i curb my desires strictly4 ,after all1 ,i've got my writing to attend to1 ,sybil to teach1 the boys' work to correct and games to referee4 ,my novel appeared in the autumn and to my intense surprise went into a second edition almost at once3 the critics were unanimous and loud in their praise1 which astonished me1 for it seemed to me to lack any kind of pretensions to style1 clarity1 cohesion1 or even sense4 ,none the less the writing of books is not a paying game4 ,an article brings in quick returns1 costs very little energy1 and is not at all wearing to the nervous system4 ,after finishing my first book ,i was a wreck4 ,spurred on by the success of this ,i have already written another in imitation of the younger novelists of the day1 in which ,i have portrayed a horrible character obsessed by sex3 ,i don't quite know why3 the writing of it affected me greatly and ,i am as limp as a rag now it is done1 and want to burn it1 but my publisher is delighted with it and wants to bring it out in the spring4 ,for the sake of the money ,i suppose ,i must let it go4 ,fortune seems to be smiling on me4 ,another publisher has already made me sign contracts for two novels and a volume of my collected poems1 so ,i have my work cut out in the near future to cope with the demand4 ,added to this1 the best-known literary agent in the country has now approached me and asked me to let him place all my work4 ,all the agents ,i have tried hitherto have failed me hopelessly1 but it is an honour to have ,harrod for an agent1 ,i am told1 so ,i have signed his agreement too4 ,the only fly in the ointment is that there is a great scarcity of paper and trouble in the printing trade2 still1 people are reading books more than ever4 ,i shall never forget the day when ,i first saw a book of mine in the window of a ,london book-shop4 ,fame 7of a sort7 ,i felt had at last reached me4 ,three years ago ,i should never have dreamt such a thing possible1 and my little notoriety has already brought me great friends4 ,when the ,christmas term is over we are to spend some days with quite a number of leading literary lights1 to whose conversation ,i am looking forward4 ,common ,room were incensed at my book because they thought that they detected pictures of themselves4 ,i can't for the life of me think where1 for the characters were all weaved entirely out of my own brain4 ,apparently some of the opinions ,i put into the mouths of my worst characters have been taken literally as my own1 which is pernicious nonsense4 ,i should have thought after all this time that most people here would know what ideals ,i stand for4 ,as a matter of fact no one has lately taken much trouble to cultivate the acquaintance either of ,elspeth or myself4 ,they look on me as eccentric1 they have not worried to sympathize with me over my troubles and ,i am afraid that they think that ,elspeth does not want to know them because she goes out so seldom4 ,we live very much to ourselves4 ,it is hard to see how we could do otherwise when one realizes how we spend each day4 ,i have to go on writing most of the time to earn our daily bread3 we haven't a penny private means4 ,we are not very economical1 though we try hard to be so1 and prices are steadily rising4 ,i have had one bit of luck1 however4 ,i have been appointed ,examiner for the ,oxford and ,cambridge ,locals in ,mathematics and ,english1 and though the work entails a good deal of drudgery1 it also makes an appreciable difference to our income4 ,incidentally ,i very much like going through ,english essay and literature questions4 ,i like to compare all the different methods of teaching ,english that obtain throughout the country4 ,the term has passed without incident3 ,sybil has learnt a good deal of history and written some excellent short stories4 ,boys come up to borrow books and to discuss problems that worry them4 ,i have had no occasion to punish any boy for some time4 ,old ,boys come back frequently and keep us reminded that after all there is a war on1 which we are apt to forget when we have a petty feud of our own raging4 ,i have refereed a good deal of footer1 and struggled hard to keep my platoon up to the mark4 ,the only complaint ,i have about life is that the days are too short and ,i want to do far more than ,i can4 ,january #ai1 #aiag ,we spent a splendid holiday in ,london going from house to house of new friends and seeing for the first time how the artistic and literary section of ,london live4 ,they are very different from the ,marlton people3 their codes are much less stringent1 they are far more tolerant1 they seem to get much more out of life4 ,they are intensely interested in art1 painting1 sculpture1 music1 the drama1 and all sthetic delights4 ,elspeth was taken up at once by them3 she has the sort of uncommon beauty that passes more or less without comment in ,marlton but in ,london is looked upon with admiration4 ,she seems much healthier and more vivacious in town3 the life agrees with her4 ,i spent some days with her at ,bath and some quietly in ,st4 ,john's ,wood1 writing for dear life at one of my new novels for ,manson4 ,the worst of novel-writing is that it gives one no time at all for articles and the money one derives from it does not come in for so long a time after4 ,i am told that the book writer achieves a kudos which the mere short-story and article writer never gets4 ,i doubt it1 but it may be so4 ,anyway ,i doubt whether ,i shall write many books1 the wastage of nervous tissue is too great4 ,while ,i am at work on a subject ,i want to go on and on at lightning speed until ,i have finished1 and when ,i have finished ,i am perilously near lunacy4 ,february #aj1 #aiag ,a frightful blow has befallen us4 ,i have been turned out of ,marlton for writing my second novel4 ,i am to leave at the end of the term4 ,so after eight years ,i am thrown out of my profession3 a quaint finish for the overkeen enthusiast4 ,i quite see that ,i was a fool to write it4 ,it was all owing to my unreasonable haste4 ,i spoke out too plainly3 ,i didn't condemn my villain enough or show the hatred ,i bear to vice4 ,it is useless to explain now3 all the pent-up fury of those who imagine themselves injured by me has broken out and ,i am overwhelmed4 ,i was supposed to be taking part in a play that the school and town were getting up in aid of the hospital and ,i was requested to resign my part because no one would act in it if ,i persisted in going on4 ,i have been lectured by heaps of my junior colleagues here as if ,i had committed a most heinous crime4 ,i don't quite know what to make of it all4 ,that the book is a bad one ,i can scarcely doubt1 for the critics have been as unanimous in their condemnation of it as they were unanimous in praising my first4 ,i must be much madder than ,i thought ,i was1 because ,i still fail to see why my influence1 which was generally allowed to be on the side of the angels1 should suddenly become malign and foul because ,i create foul characters in a book4 ,i could wish that some of my enemies could have seen my further work1 for ,i have now two more novels written1 which can scarcely appear for a year at least4 ,it is all horrible4 ,i can't bear to contemplate cutting myself off from the society of boys4 ,before ,i married they meant everything in the world to me and now they come after ,elspeth and ,prunella4 ,i have passed through troublous years of late which have tainted my brain3 ,i might have become sane again in time1 but now all is darkness and ,i have nothing further to look forward to4 ,each hour of class brings me nearer to my last one and it is all ,i can do to keep from crying aloud4 ,at least ,i will spend my remaining days in trying to keep the beacon bright in my boys' eyes4 ,i have always regarded the schoolmaster's as the most responsible position in the kingdom3 these boys sitting under me to-day will help to control the ,empire to-morrow4 ,am ,i leading them to see that corruption1 vice1 intolerance and bigotry are deadly sins and that disinterestedness1 virtue1 tolerance and active sympathy are the weapons they must learn to use in their fight to build the ,new ,jerusalem in ,england8 ,i have to rouse them from their lethargy1 to make them wild crusaders1 caring for nothing but the future prosperity of their country4 ,i have so little time left to do it and so much to do4 ,the days pass with frightful rapidity4 ,elspeth has been up to ,london searching for a flat for us to live in1 and after an arduous and protracted journeying she has eventually discovered a small but comfortable ground-floor apartment in ,maida ,vale4 ,so now nothing remains but to finish the term out1 pack up and go4 ,i have been searching for work but there does not seem anything vacant just at present4 ,it is no light thing at my age suddenly to throw up the profession one has adopted and to begin again4 ,education was my one great passion in life4 ,i can never hope to be a great writer4 ,the future is black3 ,i dare not contemplate it4 ,there are still1 however1 thank ,god1 some weeks to go4 ,april #c1 #aiag ,my last term as a ,public ,school master is over4 ,how ,i managed to get through the last few hours in school without breaking down ,i don't know4 ,luckily no one knows the agony ,i feel4 ,several1 the majority of people1 think that ,i am leaving of my own free will in order to be at liberty to write3 the irony of that is laughable4 ,i would give my whole soul to continue to my life's end as a teacher of youth3 ,i have loved my work with a passion ,i could never transfer to anything else4 ,i have made endless mistakes4 ,i have gone too fast3 ,i have treated growing boys as if they were grown up3 ,i have not always given my colleagues their due in my intolerance of lukewarmness4 ,i have always worshipped energy1 and energy has been my ruin4 ,i have never been able to curb my tongue or my enthusiasm nor to stifle my opinion4 ,the grass has grown over the grave of my ambitions at ,radchester and ,i am by now forgotten as a breath of wind that once passed over1 so will it be at ,marlton in a term or so4 ,all my ardour gone for nothing1 my strenuous ideals broken1 my office another man will take and ,marlton will be at peace again4 ,regrets ,i know to be vain1 tears wasteful4 ,the decree has gone forth against me and ,i must abide by it4 ,but after all1 ,there is a world elsewhere6 ,marlton is somewhat of a backwater1 the waters here run very sluggishly4 ,i want more scope2 once ,i am in the great world again ,i shall quickly recover my sense of perspective and come to regard this place in its true light4 ,my four years' experience here has been most valuable1 but the secret of success in life is to keep moving4 ,a rolling stone may gather no moss1 but it does see life4 ,at any rate ,i am saved from sinking into a groove4 ,to-morrow to fresh woods and pastures new4 ,the meaning of life1 as ,tchekov says1 is to be found only in one thing--fighting4 ,to get one's heel on the vile head of the serpent and to crush it4444 ,if one has made a mistake and lost faith in one idea1 one may find another4 ,i have still got what ,i would not barter for anything in heaven or earth1 and that is the love of ,elspeth4 ,so long as she remains mine ,i can defy the world1 ,i am happy4 ,pray ,god she will never desert me and turn me out as ,marlton has1 for without her ,i have no sun1 no moon1 no reason for being4 ,she possesses me heart and soul4 ,i only wish she could ever realize a millionth part of what she means to me4 ,,appendix ,i have thought it good1 for the sake of those who have somehow missed ,patrick ,traherne's published work1 which he produced under a variety of pseudonyms and initials 7,g4 ,k41 ,j4 ,b41 ,a4 ,c4 ,b41 and ,k4 ,r41 being his favourites71 to append a fragment here of a book which he never finished4 ,it was to be called ,the ,future of the ,boy1 but ,i have been unable to find more than the ,prologue and ,epilogue3 he wrote to me on several occasions asking advice on technical points1 and ,i had gathered from these letters that he was well under way with the book 7which was obviously to be his magnum opus7 when all writing had to cease4 ,i fear that he must have destroyed the manuscript in a moment of depression1 probably on the day when he received his dismissal from ,marlton4 ,i guess1 however1 that he could not bring himself to burn his ,prologue and ,epilogue even though he became too inert to try to publish them4 ,i am the more pleased1 therefore1 to be allowed the privilege of giving publicity for the first time to two of the most remarkable papers on education ,i have ever read4 ,that they are immature and in many respects false is at once obvious2 they only touch1 too1 on the intellectual side of school life1 the importance of which he always overemphasized2 but they are stimulating1 controversial1 and interesting4 ,i shall be amply repaid if the result of my labours is to send such readers back to his earlier work1 where they may discover for themselves some of the myriad problems that vex the practical educationalist1 and at the same time learn more of his theories for reforming the abuses which block up the path to progress4 ,,prologue ,why do not ,english boys care for learning8 ,,lord ,,bryce 7,january #c1 #aiad74 ,,modern ,,shell3 ,,to-,,day ,the boy's first intimation that a new day of miserable waste has begun is received by the clanging in his ears of a discordant bell by a man servant1 whose sole claim to attention in these pages is that he also acts as the senior boys' bookmaker's agent1 and supplier of cigarettes1 tobacco1 matches and pipes at a rate highly profitable to himself4 ,the compulsory bath over 7no boy would wash unless he was compelled1 that is an idea that you who live on adages and saws which are one tissue of lies will find it hard to believe1 but it is true71 after the compulsory bath1 ,i say1 he hurries into his clothes1 dashes downstairs and just gets to the chapel as the doors close behind him4 ,the service need not be given in detail3 it is merely a roll-call with a little music thrown in2 the boys are ardently urged to join in the responses or psalms1 sometimes with threats1 but except on ,sundays no part whatever is taken by the congregation in the service4 ,they mark with satisfaction that their form master has noted their presence and then proceed with their disturbed slumbers1 unless the youth on their right or left has some racy story or spicy bit of news to impart1 or there is some friend across the gangway of the aisle at whom they wish to gaze1 not being permitted by law to speak owing to disparity of age4 ,the fascination of the loved face grows and the service becomes interesting until the ,head ,master's eye1 ever roving1 searching for evil1 lights on these two3 they blush1 hide their faces under a pretence of praying1 and march out2 the service is over4 ,a scamper ensues towards the classrooms for the most hated and slackest school of the day3 that on an empty stomach before breakfast4 ,the scene is an ill-lighted1 cobweb-ridden1 white-wash-walled1 low-ceilinged room1 fitted with old oak desks1 on which are carved many thousands of initials and into which several obscene remarks are deeply inked2 long low benches without backs incite the boys to lounge forward with bent shoulders2 there is no relief on any of the walls to hide the hideous plaster except a map of ,palestine dated #ahga4 ,the blackboard is rough and cracked1 and whatever writing is inscribed on it is indiscernible when the lights are on4 ,the door has just been unlocked1 a grey-haired portly man in an ,m4,a4 gown lets the flood of sombrely-clad louts of seventeen and eighteen rush past the ,eton-collared1 more brilliant youngsters of fourteen1 so that they may secure the place nearest to the pipes1 or sit in remote corners with their backs against the wall1 covered by the form in front from any possible detection4 ,the master makes his way to his desk1 sits down and raps out suddenly3 ,stop talking there2 how many times have ,i told you to stop talking as soon as you come into the room8 ,harrison minor1 are you still conversing8 ,thank you1 thank you for your momentary attention4 ,if you will be so good as to bring me the last three hundred lines of the ,fourth neid on ,thursday1 second school1 we shall be1 ,i think1 at one again4 ,shut your books4 ,write out the ,rep4 ,silence then follows1 except for the scraping of pens1 the dropping of books and mathematical instruments1 and the whispered monotone of one boy who is copying it straight from the book on to the paper4 ,several others after a time1 at a loss how to continue1 peer gently over their neighbours' shoulders and1 enlightened1 proceed4 ,one of the bigger boys1 more muscular but even less intellectual than the rest1 produces a paper-covered novel of ,mr4 ,nat ,gould from his pocket and proceeds to read with some fervour when he has copied his repetition3 two others are engaged in an acrimonious conversation1 ,you ---- young swine1 ,i'll damned well lick you after for that4 ,blast you1 take your arm away1 ,i can't see a word you've written4 ,i say1 your crowd were a lot of stumors yesterday2 so you thought you were the ,house for the 'pot4' ,my ,god6 ,talk about swank6444 ,and so on1 until the master who has hurriedly been correcting some analysis1 which the form wished to have back 7this is an ,english lesson1 by the way7 suddenly raises his head1 apparently having heard and seen nothing1 and says1 ,anybody finished yet8 ,ah6 you have1 ,dixon4 ,now hurry up1 the rest of you2 ,i've a lot to do to-day1 and then breathlessly he turns to his corrections again1 until he has done1 then calling the nearest boy to him tells him to give out the corrected papers4 ,by the way1 we'll correct that ,rep4 you've just done4 ,i'll read it out to you4 ,four marks a line and one off for every word wrong-- ,anon the great ,san ,philip she bethought 444 ,he wheezes the noble poem out in lines like so many rashers of bacon1 gives the form a moment's respite in which to add 7which they do very generously to themselves7 the number of marks4 ,he then proceeds to give a long disquisition on adjectival adjuncts and subordinate clauses4 ,surely1 ,morgan1 your knowledge of the ,latin tongue should have shown you that---- ,a school messenger interrupts4 ,the ,head ,master to see ,haxton at once1 sir4 ,subdued murmurs and a casual whistle emanate as a fair-haired1 good-looking boy goes off1 blushing4 ,in an undertone one of the biggest fellows at the back says to his neighbour1 ,there'll be ,hell to pay1 my son1 if that little fool starts confessing his and our past1 he's gone for confirmagger-pi-jaw1 he won't stick much of that ,devil's talk2 he'll let on at once1 and--,hell6 ,yes1 sir8 ,no1 sir1 ,i wasn't talking4 ,oh1 sorry sir1 ,i thought you meant now1 sir1 ,i was just asking how many marks ,jaques had got1 sir4 ,while the monotonous teaching of analysis goes on1 several of the boys at the back might be noticed by any one not quite blind to be writing notes which are hurriedly passed along the form surreptitiously1 others again are feverishly learning ,greek irregular verbs for their next hour1 when they go to a man who canes for every failure to answer a question2 more still might be seen writing lines under cover or pretence of taking notes1 for the master has now finished his analysis and is carefully reading out notes from a ,verity edition of ,twelfth ,night1 which play the form are supposed to be enjoying1 notes which each boy has carefully to take down and learn1 notes in which he learns for the thousandth time that moe more1 nief hand1 and some interesting but watered-down details about the lives of ,penthesilea1 ,ariadne1 and other classical favourites4 ,in the intervals of taking down whatever portion of this rubbish that various members of the form think fit1 the idiot of the form 7there is always one7 is being quietly tortured in many ways1 gentlemen behind kick him violently forward1 the quiet youth on his left has been silently pinching his ears and pulling his hair1 with a calculating brutality that exists scarcely anywhere except in the ,public ,schools and the ,south ,sea ,islands4 ,an air of supreme boredom and lassitude is evident on every face in the room2 the very atmosphere and clothing seem to be pervaded with it and invite it4 ,suddenly ,haxton1 now quite pale and obviously shaking1 returns3 he writes a note quickly4 ,the recipient begs for permission to be excused for a little2 he must go to the sanatorium4 ,after carefully burning a lot of incriminating documents in his study he makes his way to the sick-room and feeling really quite unwell is able to induce the nurse 7in the absence of the doctor7 to admit him4 ,meanwhile the class pursues unruffled the even tenor of its way4 ,a bell rings1 it is #h4ae2 early school is over and the pangs of hunger prevail over all other feelings4 ,breakfast is supervised by unfortunate junior masters1 who are supposed to use their eyes to count the #cjj boys and to see that they do not cut their loaves on the cloth4 ,soon afterwards ,second ,school begins1 a classical hour2 for this there has been half an hour's special preparation after breakfast--a grammar grind--the man to whom they go now being renowned for his strong arm and often stretched-out hand4 ,the classroom is much the same 7they all are7 as the one to which ,i introduced you before breakfast4 ,the master1 younger1 square-jawed1 not intellectual but grim1 rather sour3 the face is more remarkable for an absence of any virtue than for any special presence of vice4 ,he gives the boys three minutes in which to make sure of their work3 then they are all marched out into the middle of the room1 asked questions rapidly on the ,greek irregular verbs2 a boy goes down a place2 another supplants him2 the whole system is apparently to keep the body moving so that the brain may perhaps capture some motion and become alert2 rather does it seem to any rational1 unprejudiced bystander a method to involve wasting a maximum amount of time for a minimum amount of actual good4 ,these boys are most certainly no more alert than they were in early school3 they do not crib here1 or write notes to each other or read ,mr4 ,nat ,gould1 they are far too frightened for that2 they are terrorized like a rabbit in front of a gigantic snake1 fascinated1 almost loving1 certainly admiring the strength of a man who has such power4 ,he is not inhuman either1 this master1 he has a stock of jokes1 each of which is carefully stowed into a particular compartment of his brain1 brought out in a particular order and calling for the same amount of quiet laughter every time4 ,he is very popular among the boys and in existing conditions perhaps deserves to be4 ,when you are being slave-driven1 you at least like your driver to be simple1 honest and modelled on a plan you can understand3 he has to beat you1 he is paid for it2 if he can afford to throw you a joke1 however old and threadbare1 yet like a bone thrown to a pariah dog in the street1 you relish it all the more1 for you know it is more than your due4 ,this man achieves very excellent results in all examinations3 he is known as the best teacher of grammar in the school4 ,he is the thorough man who will make his way and become a leading ,head ,master in the end4 ,he has no sympathy1 no intellectual insight1 he has been bred on the same plan that he is now inculcating and thinks it the finest system ever devised for the education of boys3 in fact the only system4 ,he knows that several ignorant authors1 journalists and politicians occasionally decry the results of his teaching1 but he is aloof1 superior to all these common cries of curs2 more aristocratic even than ,coriolanus1 his downfall in the next decade will be as it was with the aristocrats in the ,french ,revolution1 really terrible to witness4 ,it is with a sigh of relief that the ,modern ,shell hear the bell that rings the close of this hour4 ,immediately following on this1 the form splits up into sets for mathematics1 a subject in which they never make much progress for several reasons4 ,in the first place the set master is a queer man with ideas2 he took a low degree in mathematics himself and never knew much about them1 but it worries him to find that no boy ever seems to know when to divide1 multiply1 add or subtract by pure reason4 ,all the set seem accustomed to see a type on the top of an exercise or on the blackboard and to copy this type feverishly a hundred times1 thereby to gain many marks and think they have accomplished something4 ,for the fetish of marks is what makes ,modern ,shell do any work at all4 ,they have a perfect passion for gaining them and this master panders to it by giving them thousands a day3 consequently the set works at lightning speed1 but never achieves anything1 for none of its members seems capable of reason4 ,even though geometry is substituted for ,euclid they still contrive to learn propositions as a species of very difficult prose repetition3 they still believe in and treat algebra and arithmetic as two vastly different subjects which can have no connexion with each other1 the mere presence of an x in an arithmetic paper frightens them out of their senses4 ,they dabble in stocks and shares1 compound proportion1 approximation in decimals1 quadratic equations1 logarithms and progressions1 and yet immediately they get out of form and into the tuck-shop they are unable even to count the change they get out of half a crown without a mistake1 they cannot measure the simplest article accurately and have no more power of logical reasoning than they had as babies4 ,consequently when they come to examination time they fail4 ,given a type they will work out a hundred examples with scarcely a mistake4 ,asked for the answer of an original sum and they are nonplussed at once and multiply when they should divide1 add when they should subtract and vice versa1 entirely without method1 principle or reason4 ,yet these fellows work hard enough1 not from fear of the master in this case1 he scarcely ever punishes1 but in order to gain some of the thousand marks over which he is so generous4 ,the last school of the morning is spent to-day in history4 ,geography is also supposed to be taught but is gently allowed to slide except for the drawing of a few maps4 ,the history master is a dear good man1 a thorough slacker1 well beloved of the whole school and staff4 ,the preparation is as usual to read a chapter of ,oman4 ,some notes are read out from the master's undergraduate notebook very slowly and listlessly and as slowly and listlessly taken down by most of the form unless they have anything else to do such as drawing ,old ,clothes-horse 7the nickname of the master71 a proceeding sometimes fraught with danger for ,old ,clothes-horse has an uncomfortable habit of suddenly remembering his vocation1 of saying to himself1 ,i must be stern4 ,on such days he will demand of such a one the drawing1 and bawl out at the top of his voice3 ,you disgraceful scoundrel1 you son of a plough-boy--you--you--disgusting hound--you will write out the whole of the last hundred pages of the history--a punishment naturally enough afterwards remitted to one-half1 one-third1 one-tenth1 but even then fairly severe4 ,his method of imparting history runs too much on the lines of doing the minimum of correcting work 7which though he does not know it1 is a step in the right direction1 but done in his case from the wrong motive7 and of placing implicit confidence in the reading of the work of one man4 ,dates and comparisons of characters1 knowledge of laws and deft little paragraphs about things like ,habeas ,corpus1 ,barebones1 and so on1 with neat compartments at the end of each period containing the great names in literature of that period 7as if it ever did a boy any good just to know the name of ,dryden1 ,pope1 ,burke1 and ,johnson without having read a word of their works71 these combine to form his stock in trade4 ,his boys turn out fairly well in stereotyped examinations1 but they leave school knowing no real history at all1 worse still with a positive distaste for a subject with which they have really not even a nodding acquaintance4 ,morning school is now over and an hour is to pass before the midday dinner4 ,you think perhaps these boys now are going to have complete rest1 a chance of being by themselves1 time for reading--not a bit of it4 ,there will now be compulsory net practice or shooting on the range1 recruit drill1 a racquets or a fives tie to play off1 an imposition1 probably several1 in arrears to be polished off1 book-keeping1 shorthand1 typewriting or music classes to attend1 or1 worst of all1 private tuition4 ,dinner comes as a temporary relief in which discussion runs rife on the latest scandal1 scores at cricket1 the news in the ,sportsman1 the newest catch-word1 how ,so-and-,so was ragged1 the latest form of torture devised for the most prominent idiot1 and all the customs1 fashions and frivolities of their little world4 ,after dinner a stampede is made to change from the appalling funereal garments of the morning which are given an all too brief respite1 into the flannels necessary for the ,house match or nets of the afternoon4 ,some luckless ones who have perchance dropped a pen in the deadly stillness of a strict master's form or refused to do any preparation for over a week in a slack one's set1 are hounded round the quadrangle for half an hour in an ignominious punishment drill1 which drill sometimes contains over a hundred boys1 which speaks well for the discipline of the school4 ,suppose it is a ,house-match day1 and nearly every day in the summer term sees one of these in progress1 those in the ,houses concerned1 not actually playing1 will all be compelled to watch3 nay1 in fact so imbued with the evils of over-athleticism are they that they would all rather miss anything than one ball bowled1 one run scored2 their eyes are riveted on to the cricket pitch2 the whole staff is there equally occupied2 the life of the little nation is at stake2 nothing at all matters except the winning or losing of this single match4 ,it is the one big world event about which quarrels will be raised1 criticism will be rife for days to come1 in dormitory1 in the ,common ,room1 in the privacy of the masters' own sitting-rooms or in the studies of the boys4 ,other ,houses not actually playing will be practising assiduously at nets until another bell rings to show that time is up2 a rush is made to change back into the monastic garb preparatory to getting up more work 7or pretending to7 for afternoon school4 ,the first period of the afternoon to-day is given up to what is called science for our forms2 that is to say1 a few nerveless experiments which never come off are tried by a man whom it is hard to differentiate from the bottle-washer of the laboratory1 a man with an accent 7not that that matters intrinsically71 but a man with the vulgar attributes that accompany accent when promoted to spheres unused to such things2 living in an air of snobbishness and hypocrisy1 this bounder bounds more than ever he need and causes howls of derision as1 in his nervousness he mispronounces words of which even ,modern ,shell have somehow acquired the correct tonation4 ,a smattering of physics1 chemistry1 electricity1 magnetism1 heat and light1 is now doled out in such minute quantities that no one ever derives any real idea of what is going on1 what they all mean2 just enough to temporize1 to fill the parents' minds with the idea that their sons are being liberally educated in every department of life4 ,from this waste of time the boys proceed to their last hour of real school teaching for the day--,french or ,german1 taught again in sets by a man who took high honours in history and then spent six months in a ,german pension4 ,his foreign accent is deplorable but he is a conscientious man and makes a valiant effort at least to keep a day ahead of his set 7not a very hard task7 in knowledge4 ,he1 however1 has ideas on the subject of teaching modern languages and does not believe too much in the mental gymnastic of grammar1 but buys periodicals in ,french and ,german1 and also modern novels for his set to read3 being an entirely honest man his ignorance is being continually shown up1 particularly as he is unfortunate enough to have in his set one boy who spends all his holidays in ,belgium or ,switzerland1 but his popularity carries him through1 and his very lack of knowledge makes the boys work to see if they can beat him on his own ground3 this1 it is easy to see1 is the ,modern ,shell's intellectual treat of the day4 ,in examinations they do nothing1 but most of them get some sort of a smattering of1 and begin really to take an interest in1 languages whose periodicals sometimes even publish football and cricket results and occasionally have pictures which remind them of certain ,london penny weeklies that they avidly read in dormitory4 ,a bell signalizes tea and the end of school4 ,a hurried repast1 for physical training follows hard on the top of it1 a compulsory form of exercise that most boys frankly detest4 ,after twenty minutes of this the preparation bell goes1 and excitement is rife to see whether it is ,the ,cadger or ,hopeless ,george on duty4 ,if the former1 work and the right work has to be attempted3 if the latter1 novels appear as if by magic and work is given1 for an ecstatic hour1 the go-by4 ,another bell 7the bell is so constantly in use that a special man has to be kept who does nothing else but attend to this department7 summons the school to evening chapel1 a repetition of the morning roll-call1 except that a lusty roar in a well-known hymn will testify to the ,almighty that there are #cjj boys who are well pleased that another ruddy day is o'er4 ,as a matter of fact it is not o'er1 for a further hour of preparation in the privacy1 however1 of their studies this time awaits them4 ,pathetic indeed is the sight of the tired-out wan faces of the ,modern ,shell boy1 whose head can be seen nodding over the page of a dull grammar1 trying in vain to keep awake and remember the consequences that will accompany his ignorance on the morrow if he forgets what a quasipassive or oxymoron is4 ,at last1 at ten o'clock the bell rings once more and with a burst of energy he flings his book aside and rushes upstairs only1 in all probability1 to find that it is his duty to keep nixes-watch1 that is1 to stand near the end of the dormitory until nearly midnight to listen for the step of the ,house-master1 who might otherwise pry into practices that would fill his complacent mind with disquiet4 ,about midnight1 worn out1 yet not a whit improved in body1 soul1 or mind the luckless wight will be allowed to get into bed1 to sleep1 perchance to dream of a new regime1 of a better order of things1 where life will not be one dull1 eternal round of uselessness1 useless knowledge1 useless punishments1 useless games1 useless virtues1 useless vices1 useless restraint1 useless discipline1 but free1 progressive1 happy1 where no such things take place as have taken place in this absolutely truthful picture ,i have drawn of a day in the life of a boy in the ,modern ,shell4 ,,epilogue ,education is the release of man from self4 ,you have to widen the horizons of your children1 encourage and intensify their curiosity and their creative impulses1 and cultivate and enlarge their sympathies4 ,under your guidance and the suggestions you will bring to bear on them1 they have to shed the old ,adam of instinctive suspicions1 hostilities1 and passions1 and to find themselves again in the great being of the ,universe4--,the ,world ,set ,free4 ,,modern ,,shell3 ,,to-,,morrow ,in the first place it must be borne in mind that one great difference in the attitude of this form to life in general in the future will be caused by the fact that it will be a mixed class of boys and girls1 and will be recruited from all sections of the people1 so that there will be every chance of there being practically no divergence in age1 physique or intelligence between the top and bottom1 to use the existing phraseology1 between ,a and ,z1 as they will then be placed4 ,the boys and girls will be permitted to get up as early in the morning as they like1 but not later than #g4cj in the summer months4 ,breakfast will follow at once in different ,houses1 boys and girls sitting at the same table as much mixed as possible1 friend with friend4 ,chapel for those who wish to go will follow1 a service short1 devotional1 sincere1 containing a few personal prayers1 a rousing well-known hymn and a lesson of particular applicability not necessarily taken from the ,bible alone1 but from any of the great masterpieces of the world4 ,masters and mistresses who feel inspired to give a personal address of not more than five minutes on any problem that may have been occupying their minds may interpolate their sermonette in the place of this lesson4 ,this1 the only service of the day1 will not take longer than twelve minutes4 ,if the weather is fine most of the work of the day will be done out of doors1 some of it1 such as the manual labour classes1 the digging1 road-mending1 gardening1 will necessarily be so1 but in favourable circumstances the intellectual side of the curriculum will be as far as possible carried out in the open air4 ,if1 however1 this is to-day impossible1 the ,latin hour will be conducted in a classroom1 where inspiring pictures1 replicas of old masters and pieces of sculpture will make an already bright1 airy1 cheerful1 healthy classroom still more so4 ,the master1 mistress1 girls and boys will all be dressed in those clothes considered most sane and healthy from the eugenics point of view2 flannels and gymnastic dress will probably be most popular4 ,the ,latin taught will certainly not be of the grammar-grind sort3 conversation will go on between girl and boy1 others in the same class will be constructing a ,roman amphitheatre1 or working out1 on a sort of ,daily ,mail war board1 a campaign of ,pompey or ,csar4 ,the life of a ,roman citizen will be enacted and written about by the classes3 all the time the boys and girls will be doing the work2 the teacher only flitting about from group to group as his or her presence is required1 encouraging here1 pointing out errors there1 all the time acting as any real teacher ought to act1 that is1 not foisting his or her opinion on to the form but developing their own ideas on the lines most desirable for them4 ,the hour instead of passing as hours in school are passing nowadays in periods of long1 slowly dragging minutes that make time seem interminable to those who take out their watches in the vain hope that ,father ,time will take a hint and have mercy1 will go so quickly in the interest and joy of real work and progress that the form will only regret having to leave the subject1 were it not that the next is just as full of interest1 just as helpful4 ,it is mathematics in this second period carried out in a sort of engineering schoolroom where practical implements are at hand for testing all their theoretical results4 ,one section of the class to-day splits up into a lot of stockbrokers and the rest into investors4 ,each investor has his own bag of gold or counters1 his own cheque-book1 the daily newspapers are brought into school and consulted1 and each youthful financier tries his fortune with the investment that most suits his fancy at the time4 ,day by day he develops his original idea1 buying here1 selling there1 so that his knowledge of stocks and shares by the end of a term is unassailable2 the foundation is laid of a character that will not play ducks and drakes with his own real money in later life if he finds that his splashes now hold him up to ridicule from his fellows at school4 ,in geometry the forms will invent their own problems and work out together as a body any that defeat the individual intelligence4 ,and again the teacher's aid will only be invoked as a last resource2 the children will teach themselves4 ,buying and selling1 commission and percentage work will all be done as it were in real life by the taking of a case that one of the form invents or by going the round of the shops in the town or village and auditing their accounts1 looking into their businesses and receiving real instruction from those whose life's work it is to conduct a trade or business1 so that here again the factor of reality so absolutely essential to the intelligent learner shall be brought into play4 ,by the end of a term each pupil or at any rate each form will have produced its own algebra1 arithmetic and geometry1 and these will be stored in the archives of the form if they are thought to be of sufficient value4 ,at any rate they will be the only textbooks they will see in these subjects4 ,the period following on this will be an outdoor one if possible1 either one of those mentioned above or a natural history study in the nearest wood1 or drawing of the surrounding country1 or dancing on the platform permanently kept for that purpose in a corner of the playing-fields to a gramophone1 or singing in the open air1 or any exercise or physical training decided on as beneficial to the human frame6 ,from this the form will come in refreshed in body ready for more intellectual stimulus4 ,then follows the hour of history and geography2 the history on a plan rudely devised in the early part of the twentieth century by ,mr4 ,c4 ,r4 ,l4 ,fletcher in his ,sir ,roger of ,tubney and ,mr4 ,ford ,madox ,hueffer in ,ladies ,whose ,bright ,eyes1 where all our ancestors1 their customs and reasons for their strange actions1 stand out clearly in the broadest outlines as real living forces4 ,the ,elizabethan adventurer1 the peasant1 the villein1 the ,norman baron1 the various ,kings1 the ,cavalier gallant1 the ,augustan ,age courtier1 the ,georgian politician1 the powder-puff-age lady satirized by ,addison1 all will live as actually as our own relatives and friends4 ,scenes from history again will be acted in costume1 debates will take place in class as to why ,shakespeare does not see fit to mention ,magna ,charta1 what effects followed1 what causes1 why enthusiasm was held in such disdain in the eighteenth century1 and altogether1 hand in hand with the literature of its age1 the history of each period in the nation's life will be carefully worked out1 and its bearing on present-day character and custom soundly sifted and thrashed out4 ,i said geography would be taken at the same time3 geography as studied in the new schools will be an excellent mixture of political economy1 history 7really it is hard to separate the two71 science and mathematics1 all in their relation to actual facts4 ,calculations of temperatures by isotherms1 geological strata1 even numerical facts about other races1 all of these things will strike home and be found of paramount interest to boys and girls1 but most especially will this be the case when1 as will always happen1 the form decide to work out and write up in detail the accurate history and geography of their school and the district immediately surrounding it4 ,this will give so much1 such ample opportunity for the rousing of and keeping keenly alive their faculties1 that of all subjects1 history and geography will be the hardest from which to tear the ardent enthusiasts4 ,the nature of the soil1 the various winds that blow1 the effect of these winds on the weather1 that is1 what weather to expect after different winds1 the rainfall1 the contour of the outlying lands1 the agricultural state1 the condition of the crops--the list might be magnified into a book by itself1 all these things will help the child to a better and truer understanding of the making of history and geography than any textbook1 and will prove of lasting worth to him as a useful citizen of the future4 ,after this period there will follow an entirely free time1 when the school will be at liberty to follow its own devices until lunch-time3 there will be voluntary lectures on all sorts of subjects that appeal to the stamp-collector's or the natural historian's mind by men and women who have made their mark4 ,great explorers and big-game hunters will themselves come and give an account of their exciting experiences4 ,perpetual pianolas1 perpetual cinematograph films will be in use during these hours in which the school is at liberty4 ,in the afternoon1 free time will be given for games of every description to be played1 no particular partiality being extended to one over another4 ,running1 swimming1 tennis1 basket-ball1 racquets1 fives1 golf1 cricket1 shooting1 all will be equally accessible and equally encouraged4 ,tea-parties daily from #d to #d4cj will be given by masters and mistresses1 and by pupils to other pupils or to their elders1 a time of social intercourse and polite society3 the neighbouring populace will then be entertained by the youthful hosts1 and courtesy and gallantry have a special chance of being adequately cultivated4 ,after tea school will again be continued in the science hour1 where each pupil will proceed to experiment under the care of an expert with the produce which he or she has been concerned with in the morning4 ,it may be to-day that the ,modern ,shell are trying to discover a use for the millions of rotten bananas that are shipped into this country week by week in order to economize in produce or to discover a new fertilizer3 it may be that they wish to discover how to eliminate from the water of the neighbourhood certain properties that have been found to have an evil effect on the health of the populace2 once you see the bugbear1 the nightmare of examination1 is removed the child can occupy himself doing something really useful1 something which will in all probability be1 in the end1 of great service to the ,state and at the same time train the youthful mind in the way it both wishes and ought to go4 ,the ,french period which finishes up the afternoon school will be of great use1 for reminiscences will be indulged in of the last visit to a ,french school1 village or town on the part of those members of the form who went last year1 in the annual foreign tour2 they will by these reminiscences1 told of course in ,french1 whet the minds of the neophytes1 so that they will look forward more than ever to the holidays which will see them as a body transported to a land where so many fascinating customs may be witnessed4 ,conversation both in and out of school will be carried on in both ,german and ,french as much as possible1 helped of course by the fact that there will be so many natives of these countries always in the school4 ,the evening will sometimes be spent in quiet reading1 sometimes in lectures1 sometimes in cinematograph shows 7as a matter of fact the cinema will be very much in evidence throughout each and every day71 sometimes in concerts1 pianola and real1 very often in theatricals2 but on this particular evening of which ,i am speaking the ,modern ,shell have decided to do the ,english that the present-day form did in morning school before breakfast4 ,this ,english period is1 if anything1 looked forward to more than any other period in the day4 ,the reason is that1 in its many-sidedness1 it is even perhaps more entrancing than geography4 ,first there is the writing and editing of the form magazine1 which is an intricate periodical with a daily news-sheet merging into a more serious-minded weekly1 which itself turns into a monthly magazine of extraordinary bulk4 ,news1 verses1 stories1 long and short1 novels1 drawings1 essays1 debates1 dialogues1 all are heaped into this production4 ,plays are written1 produced and acted by each form1 supervised only at the rarest intervals by the form master1 parts for which are thought out and debated about spiritedly in form as part of the subject4 ,extracts from the great masters are discovered1 learnt and declaimed by the discoverer to the rest of his confederates2 everywhere and in every branch of this subject there is the fresh air and fierce pleasure of the explorer and pioneer1 carving out for himself a gigantic task to be performed1 disciplining himself for that task by repeated smaller undertakings4 ,in such an atmosphere of feverish excitement and interest1 is it to be wondered at that the result is so magnificent8 ,for our youthful poetry is real poetry written in the white heat of passion1 the literature of our youth is real literature written while the fire of life is still burning strongly and furiously inside4 ,each boy and girl finds in him or her self something that he or she must say1 something sacred that must be expressed after attempts which may often be futile1 volatile1 fluid2 at length there emanates a solid1 lasting record in sentences that will ring through the world of a generation that had risen out of the slough of sullen acquiescence in an age that cared not for learning or things of the soul1 to the highest heights that had ever been dreamt of by the human race1 and our schools of the future had shown how nearly godlike indeed are these puny mortals when they put their shoulders to the wheel and help ,god to grind ,his mill4 ,so we leave our dream-children and this sketch of ,utopia in the fervid hope that something of truth exists in this vision that ,i have seen1 and the last and most fervent prayer of my life is that ,i may live long enough to take part in a revolution that shall make such a vision possible1 and see it in the initial stages starting on its godlike course2 then shall ,i1 like ,simeon1 be content to depart in peace1 for ,i shall have1 in little at any rate1 ,o ,god1 have seen ,thy salvation4 ,,transcriber',s ,,note3 ,obvious printer errors have been corrected4 ,otherwise1 the author's original spelling1 punctuation and hyphenation have been left intact4