,,practical ,,etiquette ,,by ,n4 ,c4 ,,twentieth ,,thousand ,entirely ,re-written and ,enlarged ,,chicago ,a4 ,,flanagan4 ,,copyright1 #ahii1 ,,by ,a4 ,,flanagan ,,preface4 ,the very extensive sale of ,practical ,etiquette1 a sale that has required the issuance of a large number of editions of the little manual1 has been very gratifying to its author1 as was also the commission of its publisher to re-write and enlarge the work4 ,this commission1 however1 brought with it a keen sense of responsibility1 for the author feels that a new work on etiquette can find a raison d'tre only in a fairly successful attempt at answering practically every question that can arise concerning social relations1 at least in ordinary social life4 ,but to speak with authority on all matters of 8good form0 is to speak dogmatically1 and so to speak is in itself not good form4 ,nevertheless1 and in spite of this dilemma1 the author has attempted herein to decide1 when compelled to do so1 between conflicting opinions in mere matters of social custom1 and has given as authority the opinion that seemed to her to conform most nearly to common sense1 embodying such opinion in an unqualified statement without citing authority4 ,fortunately1 social customs are now so nearly uniform in all parts of the country1 that one familiar with the ways of good society in the ,west or in the ,north1 is at home in good society in the ,east or in the ,south4 ,the author is under obligation to so many persons for suggestions and advice1 as well as to many authors1 that it does not seem best to give a list of the same1 especially as such list could be only a partial one1 for many of her friends would not desire mention of their names4 ,n4 ,c4 ,dec4 #a1 #ahii4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,introductions #g ,,calls #i ,,cards #ae ,,visiting #bj ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,notes ,,of ,,invitation #ba ,,announcement ,,cards #bf ,,wedding ,,invitations #cj ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets #cb ,,letters #ce ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction #ci ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,dinners #da ,,luncheons #dd ,,breakfasts #dd ,,teas #dd ,,receptions #df ,,dancing ,,parties #df ,,card ,,parties #dg ,,weddings #dh ,,wedding ,,gifts #eb ,,wedding ,,anniversaries #ec ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,conversation #ef ,,chaperonage #fj ,,marriage #fb ,,domestic ,,etiquette ,,and ,,duties #fd ,,chapter ,v4 ,,dress #ff ,,gloves #fi ,,street ,,etiquette #gj ,,traveling #gc ,,bicycling #ge ,,telephoning #gf ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,the ,,table ,,and ,,service ,,at ,,table #gi ,,habits ,,at ,,table #hf ,,servants ,,and ,,serving #id ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,funerals #ih ,,mourning #ajj ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,politeness ,,of ,,young ,,children #ajb ,,school-,,room ,,etiquette #ajh ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,official ,,etiquette #aaa ,,chapter ,x4 ,,business ,,correspondence #aac ,,letters ,,of ,,application1 ,,etc4 #aaf ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,general ,,hints #abd ,,introduction4 8,true politeness is to do and say ,the kindest thing in the kindest way40 ,if civil law is the outgrowth of regard for other people's rights1 social law is equally the outgrowth of regard for other people's feelings and convenience4 ,social law is kindness and good-will and the desire to be agreeable codified4 ,a system of so much importance cannot be unworthy of consideration4 ,the very essence of good manners is self-possession1 and self-possession is another name for self-forgetfulness4 ,gentility is neither in birth1 manner1 nor fashion1 but in the mind4 ,a high sense of honor1 a determination never to take a mean advantage of another1 and an adherence to truth1 delicacy1 and politeness towards those with whom one may have dealings1 are the essential and distinguishing characteristics of a gentleman4 ,quietness in all things is an essential element to a well-bred person4 ,he shuns all outward display of his personality2 he cares not to be seen or heard2 he eschews noisy and grandiloquent talk2 he avoids showy and noticeable costumes4 ,his voice is low2 his words simple2 and his actions grave4 ,he holds himself habitually under restraint2 his words never seem to vibrate with emotion4 ,habits are said to be good or bad as the result of actions that are right or wrong4 ,a man of good habits is one who has for so long a time practiced right thinking1 speaking1 and doing1 that he acts properly from force of habit4 ,good manners are not to be put on for particular occasions1 like fine clothes1 but they should be one's second nature4 ,the simpler and more easy and unconstrained one's manners1 the more he will impress people with his good breeding4 ,affectation is one of the brazen marks of vulgarity4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,i4 ,,introductions1 ,,calls1 ,,cards1 ,,visiting4 8,a beautiful behavior gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures2 it is the finest of the fine arts40--,emerson4 ,,introductions4 ,in introducing persons1 one should be careful to pronounce each name distinctly4 ,when either name is not perfectly understood1 a repetition of it should be requested of the person making the introduction4 ,when introductions are given1 it is the man who should be presented to the woman2 when two women are introduced1 it is the younger who is presented to the elder4 ,for example1 in presenting ,mr4 ,jones to ,mrs4 ,smith1 it is ,mrs4 ,smith's name that is first mentioned4 ,the word 8introduce0 is preferred to 8present40 ,informal introductions are given by merely mentioning the names2 as1 8,mrs4 ,smith1 ,mr4 ,jones10 and this is ordinarily sufficient4 ,in introducing two sisters1 the elder is 8,miss ,smith0 and the younger 8,miss ,virginia ,smith40 ,when two women are introduced to each other1 it is not necessary for either to rise2 a bow and a smile from each is sufficient4 ,a woman does not rise when a man is presented to her1 unless he is very old or is a person of great importance4 ,upon being introduced1 a married woman may offer her hand to a man but it is not customary for a young woman to do so4 ,it is the duty of a man who attends a private entertainment1 to have himself presented to every member of the family whom he does not know4 ,an introduction in the street car is very bad form4 ,one should never forget that it is difficult1 almost impossible1 for some people to remember names and faces1 and that such people actually suffer from their inability to recognize and call by name persons to whom they may have been introduced recently4 ,it is not uncommon to see one approach such a person1 offer her hand1 and say1 if there is not an immediate recognition1 8,i am afraid you do not remember me10 while the person approached stands in agony1 and gradually makes an apology for her poor memory1 and asks the name4 ,one who is truly polite1 who is at all thoughtful for another person's feelings1 would not be the cause of such a scene4 ,she would prevent it by saying3 8,i am ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,i had the pleasure of meeting you at ,mrs4 ,brown's luncheon last ,thursday20 or something of the kind4 ,whenever one has reason to think his name or face may have been forgotten1 he should make himself known1 in approaching another person1 by giving his name at least4 ,,calls4 ,a first call ought to be returned within a very short time4 ,a lady when receiving rises as her callers enter1 and they immediately advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others4 ,a man takes any vacant chair1 without troubling the hostess to look after him4 ,a man rises when women with whom he is talking rise to take their leave4 ,women calling do not rise unless those who are leaving are friends older than themselves4 ,when taking leave1 one ought to choose a moment when there is a lull in the conversation1 and then take leave of the hostess1 letting one bow include the others in the room4 ,one month after the birth of a child1 a call of congratulation is made by acquaintances4 ,a call of condolence is made within ten days after the death1 if the caller is on intimate terms with the family1 or within a month if otherwise4 ,calls of congratulation are due to the newly married1 and to the parents who gave the invitations to the marriage4 ,a man invited by a woman to call upon her1 cannot1 without great discourtesy1 neglect to pay the call within a week4 ,a lady will never keep a caller waiting1 without sending word that she will be in immediately4 ,one ought always to return a call1 but if the acquaintance is not desirable1 the first call may be the last4 ,some women only rise when their callers leave1 others accompany them as far as the drawing-room door2 but it is always polite for a hostess to accompany her visitors to the front door when they take their leave1 if there is not a servant on hand to open the door for them4 ,the best bred hostesses even go so far as to accompany their callers to the elevator in a hotel or an apartment-house4 ,of course1 if one has more than one caller at a time1 it would be discourteous to leave the others to accompany one to the door2 but1 otherwise1 it is rude to permit a friend to go to the door alone1 and get out as best she may4 ,a bride who is 8,at ,home after ,november first10 should make a point of literally staying at home for an hour or two every afternoon during the month of ,november and the early part of ,december4 ,she should be dressed to receive callers1 and should have some dainty refreshments ready to serve1--tea and sandwiches or cake4 ,after the first week of ,december the bride may begin to return her calls1 calling first on those who first called upon her1 and so on4 ,when the 8at home0 is a large and formal function1 with engraved invitations and all the accessories of hired waiters1 an elaborate repast1 floral decorations1 etc41--such as a debutante's coming out1 a wedding reception1 or a reception to celebrate a wedding anniversary1 and other large entertainments of this order1--an after-call is obligatory4 ,but an ordinary 8at home0 does not demand another call1 for instance1 the reception or 8days0 a bride has on her return from her wedding trip1 or when she is settled in her new home2 or a tea or 8days0 for which a hostess informally sends the invitations written or engraved on her visiting cards1 and receives with little ceremony and serves only a modest menu4 ,on the contrary1 the hostess owes a return call to all who attend2 and only those who were invited1 but were unable to be present1 are in debt to her4 ,the length of time proper for one to stay at an 8at home0 depends on circumstances4 ,it is always a compliment to one's hostess to make a long visit at 8a day01 for it implies that one is having a pleasant time2 but nobody should stay long enough to be a burden on the hostess's hospitality1 or to detain her from her other guests4 ,if one finds that she does not know any one present1 or if she is not introduced to a congenial person with whom she can have a pleasant chat1 it would be wise for her to leave after a conventional ten or fifteen minutes' call4 ,the calling code demands that soon after a second caller is announced1 the caller who was first present shall take leave of the hostess4 ,the reason for this rule is obvious3 visitor number one has already had a little time of uninterrupted tte--tte with the hostess before visitor number two appeared1 and he or she should generously retire first1 so that visitor number two may have the same privilege4 ,but while this is the law1 it depends somewhat on circumstances whether it is always carried out4 ,if the first caller is an intimate friend of the hostess1 and has come to have a long informal talk with her1 and the second caller is merely a formal visitor whose obvious intention is to make a ceremonious visit1 then the first comer may1 with perfect propriety1 outstay the other2 or if the hostess has particularly asked the former to remain until after the latter goes1 he may do so1 and1 of course1 if the first visitor has come for some special reason1 and the visitor who is announced later interrupts an important conversation1 which1 for business or other reasons1 should be continued1 the former is naturally justified in transgressing the calling code4 ,all things being equal1 however1 it is the place of the first comer to be the first goer2 and one must have a very good excuse for outstaying a caller who comes later4 ,guests who are invited to attend one large reception which is given for the express purpose of introducing a young woman into society1 should make a call after the reception1 but if the dbutante is introduced at a series of 8days10 the callers need call but once1 on one of the 8days40 ,an invitation to any kind of 8day0 or reception demands a card from a person who is unable to attend the function2 and the card should be sent on the day of the reception1 even if the invitation to the function has been already answered1 and even if an after-call is in order4 ,when one calls on an acquaintance who is staying with a relative1 the caller should ask for the latter 7the hostess71 even if she does not know her1 and she should leave one of her own and one of her husband's cards for her1 as well as one of each for her friend4 ,it is not obligatory to leave two of her husband's cards for each woman4 ,even in the most formal visiting1 it is optional whether one leaves one or two cards4 ,probably the hostess will excuse herself altogether2 but the caller must show her the courtesy of asking for her4 ,in making a call it is proper to give one's card to the servant who opens the door1 if it is not a regular reception day2 but on such an occasion the card should be left either in the dressing-room or on the hall table in passing out4 ,in making a formal call ten minutes is quite long enough to stay4 ,when one is returning visits and driving1 it would be in very bad taste to have the coachman get off his box and take the card to the door4 ,it is the woman's place to deliver her card in person1 unless she has a footman to attend to it for her4 ,in making an evening call a man should appear about half-past eight1 and remain an hour4 ,even if his visit is to the daughter1 he should ask for her mother4 ,it is quite proper1 when making calls with a friend1 for one to write her name in pencil on her friend's card1 if she has no card of her own with her4 ,those women whose households are most modest find that the day 8at home0 is a great convenience1 since1 having a special time for receiving one's friends1 all necessary arrangements can be made beforehand1 and no embarrassing situations are apt to occur4 ,when one calls on a friend who lives in a flat1 she should1 immediately after ringing1 call through the tube her name and that of the person she wishes to see4 ,a man leaves his overcoat1 hat1 and stick in the hall when making an evening call2 when calling in the afternoon he leaves his overcoat in the hall1 but carries his hat and stick into the drawing-room with him4 ,when a daughter is in the parlor1 and her mother is entertaining callers1 she should rise when her mother does in bidding them good-day4 ,it is very improper for a young girl who is ill to receive men callers in her room4 ,,cards4 ,when an invitation to a reception is sent in the name of several women1 a guest should leave or send cards for all whose names are on the invitation4 ,a woman leaves with her own cards the cards of those members of her family who are unable to call4 ,a young woman1 when calling upon her friends with a young man who is a stranger to them1 should send his card with her own to the hostess and other women of the household4 ,in making formal calls a visitor invariably hands her cards to the servant who opens the door with a card tray in her hand2 when calling informally one may simply give her name to the servant at the door1 but then leaves no card later4 ,a married woman1 when making formal calls1 leaves one of her husband's and one of her own cards for the hostess and for every other woman she asks for in the house1 and one of her husband's cards1 besides1 for the host2 but1 while this is the rule for formal visiting1 it is quite permissible for a married woman1 when calling on a number of women who reside in the same house1 to leave1 besides her own and her husband's for the host and hostess1 only one more of each for all the others4 ,in making formal visits1 and subsequent calls after the first formal visit has been made1 a married woman need leave only one of her husband's cards with her own2 and in making a call in acknowledgment of an invitation to an entertainment to which she alone was invited1--such as a woman's luncheon1--she should leave only one of her own4 ,the fashionable visiting card varies in size2 but for a married woman it is generally pure white and very thin1 with the name engraved in ordinary script4 ,for a woman who lives in the country1 it is in good taste to have the name of her country place put just where1 if she were in the city1 her town address would be1 which is in the left hand lower corner4 ,if a woman receives 8at home0 cards for 8,tuesdays in ,february10 and is prevented from calling on any of the ,tuesdays1 she should send her card in an envelope1 either by hand or mail1 on the first ,tuesday1 and call on the hostess at the earliest opportunity on some other day4 ,a man should use a card engraved1 as 8,mr4 ,george ,wellington ,smith10 not omitting the prefix1 with the address in one corner1 if desired4 ,the size of the card varies from time to time1 but it is smaller than a woman's card4 ,the names of mother and daughter or daughters are often engraved on one card2 as1 444444444444444444444444444444444 4 4 4 ,,mrs4 ,,judson ,,brown4 4 4 ,,miss ,,anna ,,brown4 4 4 4 444444444444444444444444444444444 444444444444444444444444444 4 4 4 ,,mrs4 ,,judson ,,brown4 4 4 ,,the ,,misses ,,brown4 4 4 4 444444444444444444444444444 ,the following is the usual form for an unmarried woman's card3 444444444444444444444444444 4 4 4 ,,miss ,,may ,,brown1 4 4 4 4 #ab ,,pine ,,st4 4 444444444444444444444444444 ,it is quite proper for a woman to retain her deceased husband's name on her visiting cards2 as1 8,mrs4 ,john ,smith40 ,it is equally proper for her to use 8,mrs4 ,jane ,smith0 for the purpose4 ,when a caller is met by the hostess at the door1 she should drop her card in the card receiver or leave it on the hall table on her way out4 ,the object of such a card is not to introduce people when visiting1 but as a reminder of the visit4 8,p4 ,p4 ,c40 cards should be left on the occasion of a long absence 7of over three months72 on leaving town at the close of the season2 on leaving a neighborhood where one has resided for years1 or where one has resided for months and sometimes only for weeks1 but not when changing houses in the same neighborhood1 not even when about to be married1 unless one's future home is to be in another city4 ,the words pour prendre cong signify to take leave4 8,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p40 means 8,repondez s'il vous plait10 which is the ,french for 8,answer1 if you please40 ,turning down the corner of a visiting card1 meaning that the call was made in person1 is no longer in vogue4 ,one might leave her card in person1 writing on it 8,with kind inquiries10 when sickness or death has entered the household of a friend1 and thus show a delicate courtesy4 ,it is proper for a hostess to shake hands with a man visitor on his arrival and at his departure4 ,it is an evidence of very bad taste for a young woman to send wedding cards to a married man without including his wife's name1 even if she has no acquaintance whatever with her4 ,a young girl who is not 8out0 does not have visiting cards4 ,if she is the oldest or only daughter and is in society1 her cards have upon them 8,miss ,smith40 ,a woman should never ask a man formally calling to take his hat1 or a woman to lay aside her wraps4 ,a card sent to an afternoon reception represents one's self4 ,it should be sent either by mail or messenger1 and never by a friend to deposit upon the receiver with her own card4 ,,visiting4 ,a guest should always ascertain what are the usual hours of rising1 taking meals1 and retiring1 and then conform scrupulously to them4 ,guests should give as little trouble as possible1 and never apologize for the extra trouble their visit necessarily occasions4 ,if a ride1 drive1 or walk is proposed by one of the family entertaining1 a guest should acquiesce as far as her strength will allow1 and do all in her power to seem pleased by the efforts made for her entertainment4 ,upon taking one's departure1 it is expected--and reasonably1 too--that some acknowledgment be made of the pleasure that has been afforded one4 ,it is also proper upon returning home to inform the friends just left of one's safe arrival4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,notes ,,of ,,invitation1 ,,announcement ,,cards1 ,,wedding ,,invitations1 ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets1 ,,letters1 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction4 8,politeness is one of those advantages which we never estimate rightly1 but by the inconvenience of its loss40--,samuel ,johnson4 ,,notes ,,of ,,invitation4 ,notes of invitation for evening parties are issued in the name of the lady of the house2 as1 ,mrs4 ,james ,little requests the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,george ,white's company on ,monday evening1 ,march seventeenth1 from nine to twelve o'clock4,a ,the expression 8presents compliments0 is obsolete1 as is also the term 8polite10 which was formerly used in acceptances or regrets4 ,the ,english form of 8kind0 or 8very kind0 is now substituted in its place4 ,a very acceptable form of invitation for a mother 7if the mother is not living1 the father's name may be so used7 and daughter is this3 ,mrs4 and ,miss ,graves at ,home1 ,thursday1 ,october twenty-seventh1 from eight to eleven o'clock4 ,when a very large dinner party is to be given1 the invitations should be issued at least two weeks in advance2 and if some very celebrated people are to be invited1 twenty-one days should elapse between sending out the invitations and the day of the function4 ,for a small affair ten days' notice is sufficient4 ,invitations to large teas should be sent out fourteen days in advance1 but for small ones a week's notice is sufficient4 ,in answering an invitation sent out in the name of both mother and daughter1 one should address the mother4 ,when sending out invitations to evening parties1 it is customary to denote the amusement feature1 if there is to be one1 by naming it in the lower left hand corner2 as1 8,dancing10 or 8,cards10 or 8,fancy dress and masks40 ,the hour is designated thus3 8,dancing after nine10 or 8,german at eight o'clock10 or 8,supper at half after seven10 and underneath 8,dancing40 ,sometimes a separate card is enclosed1 reading 8,dancing at nine o'clock40 ,mrs4 ,george ,brown requests the pleasure of ,miss ,lee's company on ,tuesday evening1 ,january seventh1 at nine o'clock4 ,dancing4 #bba ,thirty-fifth ,street4 ,the correct form of invitation for an entertainment where an elocutionist is to be the principal feature is worded as follows3 ,mrs4 ,james ,smith requests the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,brown's company on ,thursday evening1 ,december the first1 at eight o'clock4 #abd ,jewell ,avenue4 ,reading by ,professor ,william ,white4 ,an invitation to a rose or lawn party might read thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,smith4 ,,the ,,misses ,,smith4 ,,at ,,home ,,tuesday ,,evening1 ,,june ,,the ,,twenty-,,eighth1 ,,at ,,eight ,o',,clock4 ,,rose ,,party ,,to ,,meet #bab ,,sheridan ,,avenue4 ,,the ,,misses ,,white4 ,in writing invitations for a club for which one is acting as secretary it would be wise to put them in the third person1 and then there would be no embarrassment about the arrangement of names4 ,the words 8reception0 and 8at home0 are synonymous4 ,each means an entertainment which takes place between certain stated hours in the afternoon or evening1 where refreshments are served1 and no especial order of amusement is provided1 unless it is specified in the invitations4 ,to a 8reception0 or 8at home0 the hostess generally sends invitations to all on her calling list4 ,these large functions are usually given for some especial purpose2 as1 to introduce a dbutante into society1 to celebrate a wedding anniversary1 or for the bride and groom after the wedding ceremony1 or merely that the hostess may meet all her friends4 ,there is1 however1 a decided distinction between a reception or an 8at home0 and a tea or 8days40 ,an invitation to the first is engraved on a sheet of note paper or a large sized card1 and is formally worded4 ,the hours for the afternoon function are usually from four until seven1 and one may expect to find at the house or place of entertainment decorations of flowers and greens1 and quite an elaborate repast provided2 but an invitation to a tea or to 8days0 does not imply that anything but the simplest kind of menu will be served1 nor that any but simple preparations will be made4 ,the invitations to the latter entertainments may be the hostess's visiting cards with the address and 8tea at four o'clock0 written in one corner2 or if the hostess prefers to receive informally on more than one day1 she may have the form 8,fridays10 or 8,fridays in ,february10 or 8,first and third ,fridays in ,february10 or whatever days she chooses1 written or engraved on her cards4 ,the formal luncheon hour is from one to two o'clock4 ,afternoon teas are usually at five4 ,one's visiting card can be used only for an invitation for an afternoon 8at home20 invitations to dinner or luncheon must be written out4 ,in sending out cards for a tea one should simply write the date and the hour in the lower left-hand corner2 in sending a note1 whether by messenger or post1 the number of the house and the name of the street should be written out in full4 ,the following is a good form of invitation to an 8at home0 given by several women3 ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,smith ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,,white ,,mrs4 ,,frederick ,,brown ,,at ,,home ,,saturday1 ,,april ,,the ,,sixteenth ,,at ,,four ,o',,clock #aab ,,madison ,,street ,the usual form of an invitation to a luncheon is as follows3 ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,brown ,,requests ,,the ,,pleasure ,,of ,,your ,,company ,,at ,,luncheon ,,on ,,wednesday1 ,,april ,,the ,,sixth1 ,,at ,,one ,o',,clock4 ,below this and to the right would be the address1 and the date on which the invitation is written4 ,the invitation for a musical may be worded as follows3 ,mrs4 ,james ,smith requests the pleasure of ,miss ,brown's company on ,friday afternoon1 ,march seventeenth1 at two o'clock4 ,music4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 #bd ,queen ,avenue4 ,,announcement ,,cards4 ,the simplest way to announce an engagement is for each of the engaged couple to write short notes of announcement on the same day to each one's relatives and near friends4 ,all these notes are sent so that they will be received at the same time4 ,they are written in the first person on dainty note paper1 and the best form is the simplest4 ,the character of the note must depend on the intimacy between the writer and the recipient4 ,a pretty and fashionable sequence to the announcement is for the bride to give a tea for the express purpose of receiving congratulations4 ,she may mention it in her notes of announcement1 and her fianc may mention in his notes that she will be at home on a certain day at a certain hour4 ,she should then receive with her mother or some older relative1 and she should have some light refreshment provided for her callers4 ,all her young friends will call1 and all the relatives and near friends of her fianc4 ,the fianc should be present at the tea1 or he may come before it is over1 but he should not formally receive with his betrothed4 ,engagements are often announced in the newspapers4 ,wedding announcements or invitations should be sent in envelopes addressed to the father and mother of the family1 to the daughter or daughters 7addressed as the ,misses71 and to each of the grown sons4 ,all these invitations in their envelopes may be enclosed in an outside envelope addressed to the parents4 ,a wedding invitation or announcement card should always be addressed to both members of a married couple1 even if the bride or groom who sends it is acquainted with only one4 ,the correct form for wedding announcement cards is as follows3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,smith ,,announce ,,the ,,marriage ,,of ,,their ,,daughter1 ,,anna ,,to ,,mr4 ,,frank ,,brown ,,on ,,saturday1 ,,october ,,the ,,twenty-,,second1 ,,eighteen ,,hundred ,,and ,,ninety-,,nine4 ,,washington1 ,d4 ,c4 ,the bride's 8at home0 cards should be separate1 but enclosed with the announcements1 and should read as follows3 ,,at ,,home ,,tuesday ,,afternoons ,,in ,,january4 #abe ,,west ,,fifteenth ,,street1 ,,new ,,york ,,city4 ,announcement cards should be sent out immediately after the wedding to every one on the bride's and groom's list4 ,and1 again1 wedding announcement cards need not be sent out in any one's name4 ,the following is an example3 ,,married ,,on ,,wednesday1 ,,january ,,the ,,eighteenth1 ,,eighteen ,,hundred ,,and ,,ninety-,,nine ,,at ,,st4 ,,thomas' ,,church ,,new ,,york1 ,,margaret ,,baker ,,white ,,to ,,william ,,barton4 ,when a bride is an orphan it is customary for the cards announcing her wedding to be sent in the name of one of her near relatives1 or else they may read simply like the one given above4 ,wedding announcement cards demand no acknowledgment from an acquaintance of the bride who lives at a distance1 unless a 8day0 or 8days0 are mentioned on them1 when it is obligatory to send visiting cards on the 8day0 or the first one of the 8days20 otherwise1 if one wishes to be particularly polite1 one may send a visiting-card in acknowledgment of the announcement1 but it is not obligatory to do so4 ,wedding announcements are sent to friends at home as well as to those abroad1 because the cards are supposed1 not only to suggest remembrance1 but to express a desire that the acquaintance should be continued after the name is changed4 ,the birth of a baby is announced in various ways1 there being no especial rules of etiquette for making the announcement4 ,sometimes engraved cards bearing the baby's name and date of birth are sent by themselves in small envelopes1 into which they fit exactly2 sometimes they go in an envelope with the mother's visiting-card1 and are written instead of engraved4 ,these cards should be attached to the mother's visiting cards by a piece of white baby ribbon1 which is passed through a hole made in the top of both cards and tied in a tiny bow4 ,they should be sent out when the mother is ready to receive calls4 ,,wedding ,,invitations4 ,wedding invitations should be issued at least two weeks before the day of the affair4 ,it is customary for the bridegroom to give to the bride's mother a list of his relatives and friends to whom he would like cards sent1 and some member of the bride's family attends to it4 ,when the guests at a wedding are limited to the immediate family1 the invitations may be personal notes sent by the bride's mother4 ,the notes may read like the following3 ,my ,dear ,mary1--,it will give us all much pleasure if you will come to the very quiet wedding of my daughter ,catherine to ,mr4 ,john ,martin1 on ,saturday1 ,february the fourth1 at twelve o'clock1 and remain to the little breakfast that will follow the ceremony4 ,only the members of the family will be present4 ,hoping that you may be with us the fourth1 ,i am1 ,affectionately yours1 ,anna ,brown4 ,a formal invitation may read as follows3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,james ,m4 ,,moore ,,request ,,the ,,pleasure ,,of ,,your ,,presence ,,at ,,the ,,marriage ,,of ,,their ,,daughter ,,alice ,,to ,,charles ,,albert ,,smith1 ,,thursday ,,evening1 ,,august ,,twenty-,,fourth1 ,,at ,,eight ,o',,clock1 #aba ,,seventh ,,street ,,east1 ,,davenport1 ,,iowa1 #ahii4 ,another form is as follows3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,brown ,,request ,,the ,,pleasure ,,of ,,your ,,presence ,,at ,,the ,,marriage ,,breakfast ,,of ,,their ,,daughter ,,mary ,,louise ,,and ,,mr4 ,,charles ,,albert ,,smith1 ,,on ,,thursday1 ,,october ,,the ,,sixth1 ,,from ,,one ,,until ,,three ,o',,clock4 #ae ,,prospect ,,street4 ,if the bride is an orphan1 or if there is any very good reason why her parents' names should not appear on the invitation1 the latter may be sent in the name of the married brother and his wife1 or in the name of whoever gives the bride the wedding reception4 ,it may read as follows3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,,smith ,,request ,,the ,,honor ,,of ,,your ,,presence ,,at ,,the ,,marriage ,,of ,,their ,,sister ,,bertha ,,wild ,,to ,,mr4 ,,james ,,montgomery ,,brown1 ,,on ,,wednesday1 ,,october ,,the ,,twelfth1 ,,at ,,eight ,o',,clock4 #bdjj ,,fifth ,,street ,,south4 ,the following is a suitable form for an invitation for a silver wedding3 ,,twenty-,,fifth ,,anniversary4 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,john ,h4 ,,smith ,,at ,,home ,,saturday ,,ev',g1 ,,december ,,twenty-,,seventh1 ,,eighteen ,,hundred ,,ninety ,,nine1 ,,from ,,eight ,,to ,,eleven ,o',,clock4 ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets4 ,it is considered very rude not to reply to an invitation immediately1 either by note of acceptance or regret4 ,in writing acceptances one should never use 8will accept0 for 8accepts10 or 8to dinner0 instead of 8for dinner0 or 8to dine40 ,in accepting a dinner invitation one should repeat the hour named in order that1 if any mistake has been made1 it may be corrected4 ,an acceptance may be written as follows3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,frank ,warren accept with pleasure ,mrs4 ,john ,somers' kind invitation for ,monday evening1 ,october seventh4 ,the following is a good form for a note of regret3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,swift regret that1 owing to sickness1 they are unable to accept ,mrs4 ,frank ,hall's kind invitation for ,monday evening1 ,march #afth4 ,in writing regrets1 when it is possible to do so1 one should give the reason for not accepting an invitation4 ,the best bred people agree that an invitation to a wedding reception or a wedding breakfast demands a response1 whether or not a response is requested4 ,but it is another question when one receives only an invitation to a church ceremony1 or merely an announcement card with no 8at home0 card enclosed1 and does not know the bride and groom well enough to call4 ,if the cards are sent merely as a matter of courtesy because of business relations or on account of a former intimacy in the families1 a call does not seem necessary4 ,in such cases one must judge more or less for herself1 and do what seems natural4 ,if one lives in a small place and the bride comes there as a stranger1 it is generally the best way to call1 whatever be the form of the cards received4 ,formal invitations to a church wedding do not demand an answer1 unless one is requested1 until the day of the ceremony1 when those unable to attend acknowledge the invitation with visiting cards addressed to the father and mother of the bride1 or to whoever sends out the invitations for the wedding4 ,invitations to a wedding reception and a bride's 8,at ,home0 demand no other acknowledgment than visiting cards sent on the day of the function by those unable to attend4 ,a formal invitation to a house wedding demands the same acknowledgment as an invitation to a church wedding4 ,in acknowledging an invitation to a wedding1 a single woman sends one of her visiting cards in an envelope addressed to the mother and father of the bride on the day of the wedding4 ,a single man sends two of his cards1 and a married couple send one of the wife's and two of the husband's cards4 ,to the bride on her 8,at ,home0 day1 cards should be sent in exactly the same way4 ,a wedding reception1 if it takes place in the evening1 demands full dress4 ,it is very courteous to acknowledge the reception of a 8commencement0 invitation4 ,it is very bad form to write 8,congratulations0 on one's visiting card and send it in answer to a wedding invitation4 ,if one desires to send her good wishes to the bride1 then a personal note would be proper4 ,it is also bad form to send a visiting card with 8,regrets0 written in one corner instead of writing the proper note4 ,if1 having accepted an invitation1 one changes her mind1 she certainly ought to give some reason when writing a note of apology4 ,,letters4 ,in writing letters and notes of invitation1 acceptance1 regrets1 or introduction1 certain and specific rules of etiquette1 ordained by custom1 hold despotic sway2 and unless one is acquainted with these1 he must be considered by those who are1 as more or less uncultivated4 ,in addressing an envelope one surely ought to know that the first line of the address should be at or below the middle of the envelope1 and the address should be written in a plain hand devoid of flourishes4 ,the place for the stamp is always the upper right-hand corner4 ,in no way is one's culture sooner made known than by his manner of writing a note or letter4 ,in a formal business letter or in one commencing 8,dear ,sir0 or 8,dear ,madam10 the name of the person addressed is put at the end of the letter in the left-hand corner1 but it should not be repeated1 if it is used at the head of the letter4 ,the writing of notes in the third person is now confined to notes of invitations1 acceptance1 and regret4 ,nothing would show greater ignorance than signing one's name to a note written in the third person4 ,in addressing a clergyman it is customary to commence with 8,reverend ,sir40 ,doctors of ,divinity and of ,medicine are thus distinguished3 8,the ,rev4 ,james ,swift1 ,d4 ,d410 or 8,rev4 ,dr4 ,swift20 8,i4 ,g4 ,latham1 ,m4 ,d410 or 8,dr4 ,latham40 ,in writing to servants1 it is customary to begin thus3 8,to ,mary ,bates1--,mrs4 ,white wishes1 etc40 ,when a woman is writing to strangers who will not know whether to address her in reply as 8,mrs40 or 8,miss10 the address of the writer should be given in full1 after signing her letter1 as1 8,mrs4 ,jane ,smith10 followed by the direction2 or1 if unmarried1 the 8,miss0 should be placed in marks of parenthesis preceding the signature4 ,one should never sign her name as 8,mrs40 or 8,miss40 ,the formal manner of address in a note or letter written in the first person1 is1 8,my ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown20 the less formal is 8,dear ,mrs4 ,brown40 ,to an intimate friend one may use either4 8,dear ,mary0 is less formal than 8,my ,dear ,mary10 and yet to one who is near1 the real significance of the latter form is very sweet and full of tender meaning4 ,however1 there are no rigid laws to regulate the correspondence of friends4 ,when a woman writes a personal note to a man1 no matter how slight her acquaintance may be with him1 it should begin 8,my ,dear ,mr4 ,brown40 ,ordinary social correspondence1 when forwarded by the hand of an adult socially equal with the sender1 should not be sealed4 ,if1 for some reason1 a letter must be sealed1 then the post or some other method of letter conveyance should be used4 ,the form 8,addressed0 on an envelope is merely the relic of an old legal form that has no especial significance nowadays1 but is put on the envelope as a matter of courtesy4 ,it means that the contents of the envelope are for the person whose name is written on the outside4 ,it is very seldom used1 and is quite superfluous4 ,only letters of unmarried women and widows are addressed with their baptismal names4 ,all letters of married women should bear their husband's names2 as1 8,mrs4 ,john ,howe40 ,writing on the first1 then on the third1 then crosswise on the second and fourth pages of a letter1 facilitates the reading and is in perfectly good form4 ,it is very bad taste for a doctor's wife to assume his title4 ,an invitation addressed to them should read 8,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,jones40 ,one should not write 8,mrs4 ,john ,brown1 ne ,lottie ,smith10 because one is not born with a ,christian name2 instead1 one would write 8,mrs4 ,john ,brown1 ne ,smith40 ,the use of perfumed stationery is not general1 nor is it in good taste4 ,any letter of congratulation received1 even though it be from a person with whom one has only a slight acquaintance1 requires an answer4 ,no matter how fond a young girl may feel of a man whom she has known for years1 any letters1 when trouble comes to his family1 should be addressed to his wife and not to him4 ,the fashion that obtains with reference to placing the date on a letter is to place it in the upper right-hand corner2 on a note it is usually placed in the lower left-hand corner4 ,a young girl who receives letters from a man at the post-office without the knowledge of her mother is doing something wrong1 which in time she will certainly regret1 and which1 it is equally certain1 will result in trouble4 ,it is not in the best taste to write letters of friendship on the typewriter1 but it will always be excused in the busy woman4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction4 ,letters of introduction are to be regarded as certificates of respectability and esteem1 and should only be given by friends of the person introduced and to friends4 ,they should be brief and carefully worded1 intimating the mutual pleasure that one feels the acquaintance will confer1 but not complimenting the bearer so openly that he will feel embarrassed in delivering the letter4 ,such letters are left unsealed4 ,there is no greater insult than to treat a letter of introduction with indifference4 ,a person thus introduced ought to be called upon at once1 and shown any other little attention within one's power4 ,in ,england letters of introduction are called 8tickets to soup40 ,in ,england the party holding a letter of introduction never takes it himself1 but sends it with his card4 ,on the ,continent the reverse is the fashion4 ,in ,america the ,english custom prevails1 though where a young man has a letter to one many years his senior or to one who is to aid him in some enterprise1 he takes it himself at once4 ,a letter of introduction should be somewhat like the following3 ,my ,dear ,mr4 ,barnes3 ,this note will introduce to you my friend1 ,mr4 ,charles ,smith1 whom ,i know you will be as glad to meet as he will be glad to meet you4 ,mr4 ,smith is an old friend of mine1 and any kindness you may be able to show him will be very much appreciated by me4 ,faithfully yours1 ,anna ,martin ,white4 ,before giving a letter of introduction one should be certain that the persons introduced will be congenial to each other4 ,such a letter puts a certain obligation on the person to whom it is addressed3 he will be obliged to show the bearer some attention and hospitality4 ,it is1 therefore1 not right to make the demand of a friend unless one is certain that the acquaintanceship will compensate him for the trouble he may take4 ,,footnotes3 ,footnote ,a3 ,it is now quite common to omit marks of punctuation at the end of lines in an invitation4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,dinners1 ,,luncheons1 ,,breakfasts1 ,,teas1 ,,receptions1 ,,dancing ,,parties1 ,,cards1 ,,parties1 ,,weddings1 ,,wedding ,,gifts1 ,,wedding ,,anniversaries4 8,manners aim to facilitate life1 to get rid of impediments40 ,,dinners4,b ,a 8dinner0 is supposed to be an elaborate affair1 with numerous courses and ample service1 and is usually given at seven or eight o'clock in the evening4 ,at a dinner the number of courses naturally varies according to the taste and financial condition of the hostess4 7,for arrangement of the table1 see ,chapter ,,vi47 ,for a formal dinner the courses usually consist of soup1 fish1 a roast with one or more vegetables1 a salad1 an ice or ice cream1 cakes1 bonbons1 and black coffee4 ,olives and salted almonds1 jellies1 etc41 generally appear in some of the courses4 ,although the following really belongs under the head of 8,the ,table0 and 8,service at ,table10 a repetition here may not come amiss4 ,the attendant places each dish1 in succession1 before the host or hostess with the pile of plates4 ,each plate is supplied1 taken by the attendant on a small salver1 and set1 from the left1 before the guest4 ,a second dish which belongs to the course is presented at the left of the guest1 who helps himself4 ,as a rule the woman at the right of the host1 or the eldest woman1 should be served first4 ,as soon as a course is finished1 the plates are promptly removed1 and the next course is served in the same way4 ,before the dessert is brought on1 all crumbs should be brushed from the cloth4 ,the finger bowls1 which are brought in on a napkin on a dessert-plate and set at the left of the plate1 are used by dipping the fingers in lightly and drying them on the napkin4 ,they should be half full of warm water with a bit of lemon floating in it4 ,when all have finished dessert1 the hostess gives the signal1 by pushing back her chair1 that dinner is ended1 and the guests repair to the drawing-room1 the oldest leading and the youngest following last1 the men passing into the library or smoking-room4 ,seemingly1 one should arrive at the house where one is invited to a dinner or a luncheon at exactly the hour mentioned in the invitation2 but the proper thing at a formal function is to get to the house ten minutes after the hour of the meal1 and to be announced in the drawing-room five minutes later4 ,the host1 with the guest of honor1 leads the way into the dining-room at a dinner2 at a luncheon the hostess leads the way alone or with one of the guests4 ,fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest when the dinner hour was understood1 as it always should be4 ,if the hostess thinks the visitor has no acquaintances in the room1 she introduces her to two or three persons who are near her1 and then1 counting on her knowledge of the customs of society1 she will feel quite sure that her guest will enjoy herself4 ,a hostess should never reprove a servant before a guest1 as it is unpleasant for all concerned1 and by passing over the annoyance herself1 it may escape the attention of others4 ,no accident must seem to disturb a hostess1 no disappointment embarrass her4 ,at formal dinner parties the servant who is detailed to attend to the wants of the men guests hands each one1 as he leaves the dressing-room1 an envelope containing a card bearing the name of the woman whom he is to take to dinner4 ,,luncheons4 ,luncheons are usually given between the hours of one and two o'clock in the afternoon1 and to them women only are invited4 ,the menu is lighter than for a dinner1 and generally consists of sherbets1 oyster patties1 scalloped oysters1 sweet-breads1 sandwiches1 salads1 ices1 cheese sticks1 fruit1 ice cream1 cakes1 bonbons1 salted almonds1 olives1 and black coffee1 served in such number and order of courses as best suits the hostess4 ,,breakfasts4 ,the difference between a breakfast and a luncheon is very slight4 ,on the invitation the word breakfast is used instead of luncheon1 and the hour is earlier than for a luncheon4 ,also men and woman may meet together for a breakfast1 and therefore a few more solid courses are advisable4 ,otherwise one may be guided entirely in giving the entertainment by the rules which apply to a luncheon4 ,,teas4 ,a tea is the simplest and easiest kind of an entertainment to give1 for the only essential requisites for its success are prettily arranged receiving-rooms1 with as many flowers as one can afford2 a gracious hostess1 who stands during the hours of the function to receive her guests and is properly dressed in a becoming high-necked house dress2 a few other women1 who also receive in pretty dresses2 and a dainty tea table1 which may be presided over by a woman friend or two of the hostess4 ,it is only necessary to serve a modest menu of tea1 chocolate or bouillon1 assorted sandwiches1 fancy cakes1 and bonbons4 ,the other factors to the tea's success are pleasant weather and well trained servants1 who may assist in serving the tea and are alert to open and close the door for the guests4 ,at a formal function of any kind the guests leave their wraps in dressing-rooms1 where one or more maids should be on hand to assist women in their dressing-room1 and a man to perform the same services in the men's dressing-room2 but at a small tea1 where1 as a rule1 the guests do not remove their street wraps1 it is only necessary to have a maid in the entrance hall to be ready1 if called on1 to do any service4 ,it is not customary to offer refreshments to casual evening callers2 but if one has a regular evening for receiving1 she may have a tea table in the drawing-room1 and serve tea1 chocolate1 sandwiches1 cake1 etc41 as in entertaining on the afternoon of a 8day40 ,,receptions4 ,on the day of the reception1 the hostess1 with her assistants1 should receive the guests1 standing at the door of the drawing-room4 ,the refreshment tables should be spread in the dining-room1 and prettily decorated with flowers1 candles in candelabra or candlesticks1 dishes of bonbons and cakes1 plates of sandwiches1 and platters of salad4 ,a bouillon urn may stand at one end of the table with cups1 and coffee may be served from the other end4 ,all that is necessary for the menu is bouillon1 easily prepared in the house from canned bouillon1 jellied tongue1 chicken salad1 and sandwiches1 ices and cake1 fruit1 and candies4 ,coffee and lemonade will suffice for beverages4 ,if one can afford to have a few pieces of music1 so much the better4 ,the musicians should play from some hidden nook4 ,one or two servants in the dining-room1 and one to open and shut the front door1 will be all that is necessary4 ,,dancing ,,parties4 ,for the form of invitation refer to ,chapter ,,ii4 ,in selecting a company for a dancing party the hostess will naturally choose only those who dance1 and she should see1 as far as possible1 that all the women are provided with partners4 ,it is better to dance first with one acquaintance and then with another1 rather than to make one's self conspicuous by giving a great number of dances to one man4 ,a man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening4 ,no man should invite a young woman to attend a dress affair without providing a carriage for her4 ,when the party is small and informal1 it is allowable to go on the street-cars4 ,at the end of the dance1 the man should offer his arm to his partner1 and take at least one turn around the room before consigning her to her seat4 ,a man who can dance1 and will not1 ought to remain away from a ball4 ,if for any reason a girl should refuse to dance with one man1 she should not accept another invitation for the same dance4 ,an invitation to a ball may be asked for a friend who is a stranger in town1 and has had no opportunity of making the acquaintance of the one who gives the ball4 ,a man should not ask a girl1 to whom he has been introduced for the purpose of dancing with her1 for more than two dances the same evening4 ,,card ,,parties4 ,if given1 prizes should be carefully chosen1 so that they may be in good taste and desirable4 ,the supper should be served at the card tables after the playing is over4 ,a large napkin should be spread on the top of each table1 and the refreshments served in courses4 ,,weddings4 ,for invitation forms see ,chapter ,,ii4 ,when a wedding takes place in a church that has but one entrance1 the customary way for the bridal procession to enter is for the groom and best man to walk in just behind the minister1 a little before the others1 and to take their places at the altar2 then the ushers enter1 walking two by two2 then the bridesmaids in the same order2 then the maid of honor alone2 and last the bride on her father's arm4 ,the bride's family enter the church a few minutes before the minister and the groom and bridal party4 ,a bride goes up to the altar with her veil over her face1 but comes down with it thrown back4 ,it is the duty of the maid of honor to throw it back immediately after the ceremony is ended4 ,when the bride's mother gives her away at a church ceremony1 she usually walks up the aisle with the bride4 ,after she has given her to the groom1 she steps quietly and unescorted to the front pew1 where she stays during the remainder of the service4 ,the bride may walk up the aisle with an attendant instead of with her mother1 who in this case steps from her seat in the front pew to the chancel when the time comes for her to officiate1 and steps back to her seat afterwards4 ,the bride and the groom should stand at the wedding reception until they have received the congratulations of all present1 then1 together1 they should walk into the room where the breakfast is to be served4 ,the others follow as they please1 with the exception of the parents on both sides4 ,the groom's father usually escorts the bride's mother1 and vice versa4 ,it is not the custom for a bride to remove her gloves at the wedding4 ,the inside seam of the ring finger of the glove should be ripped beforehand2 and when the time comes for the ring to be put on1 the bride merely slips off this glove finger1 and puts it back again after the ring is on her finger4 ,at no wedding service is it proper for the bride to enter the church alone4 ,at a church or house wedding where the bride walks up the aisle with her sister acting as the maid of honor1 instead of with a gentleman escort1 she need not take the arm of her attendant1 as both the ladies will look more graceful if walking separately4 ,the maid of honor should carry a bouquet1 and the bride a bouquet1 prayer-book1 or bible4 ,at a home wedding the bride enters the room on the arm of her father4 ,with a short dress she would not wear a veil4 ,the wearing of gloves at an informal wedding is entirely a matter of taste4 ,recently at several large weddings they were omitted by the entire bridal party4 ,the prettiest way to make an aisle for the bridal party at a house wedding is for four children to enter the room where the ceremony will be1 just before the bridal party comes in1 and separate the guests into two groups by stretching two pieces of white ribbon the length of the room4 ,a child stands at each end of the two pieces of ribbon1 holding it while the bridal party walks up between them1 and during the service4 ,ushers may hold the ribbons instead of the children1 or the ends may be fastened around plants which are placed at the requisite points4 ,where there is no side door through which the groom and best man may enter the room at a house wedding1 they come in by the principal door just before the bridal party and just after the minister4 ,it is not customary for the men at a wedding party to kiss the bride2 that is a liberty taken only by the immediate members of the family4 ,a bride1 if she wishes1 may omit the bridal veil1 but she should then wear a dainty bonnet or picture hat4 ,the ushers and best men are invited by the bridegroom4 ,if the church wedding is a full dress one1 followed by an evening reception1 it is proper to wear an evening gown4 ,if it is in the daytime1 a handsome visiting dress and pretty bonnet are proper4 ,at a daytime wedding the guests seldom remove their bonnets1 although1 of course1 heavy wraps are frequently laid aside4 ,at an evening affair one goes in full dress without anything on one's head4 ,the ushers present the guests to the bridal party4 ,the bridesmaids are spoken to by the people they know1 but it is not necessary that they should be addressed by everybody4 ,a bride may wear her wedding dress after her wedding day as much or as little as she chooses4 ,for the sake of sentiment many brides like to preserve their wedding dresses intact to hand down to future generations2 but a girl who has to consider economy cannot afford to consider sentiment1 and often the wedding dress is converted into a low dinner and evening gown soon after the wedding day4 ,a bride may1 with perfect propriety1 wear her wedding dress to the reception given her after her wedding by the groom's mother4 ,of course1 she will wear it just as it was when she was married1 high in the neck1 unless the reception takes place in the evening and demands evening dress1 when1 according to the conventions1 it must be cut low4 ,a bridegroom is always expected to furnish the bouquets that the bride1 bridesmaids1 and all the bride's attendants carry at the wedding4 ,he should learn from the bride the flowers she wishes1 and should order them several days before the wedding1 so that they may be ready at the bride's house when the bridesmaids meet there to go together to the church or to the place where the ceremony is held4 ,besides furnishing these bouquets1 the groom provides the ushers and best men with their boutonnires1 and gives them also some small souvenir1 and1 if he wishes1 a bachelor dinner or supper a day or two before the wedding4 ,there are no wedding luncheons nowadays4 ,every entertainment of the kind up to two o'clock is called a breakfast1 and when it takes place in the afternoon or evening it is called a reception4 ,,wedding ,,gifts4 ,the idea that a wedding invitation necessitates a present has1 sensibly enough1 gone out of fashion1 and only those who are bound by ties of blood or close friendship have the privilege of sending a gift to the bride4 ,presents should be sent as soon after receiving the invitations as possible4 ,all wedding gifts1 even from friends of the groom who may never have met the bride1 are sent to the bride2 and1 if marked1 they should be engraved with the initials or monogram of the bride's maiden name1 or they may have her name in full4 ,wedding presents should be acknowledged by the bride-elect in a short personal note1 which should be written and sent immediately on receipt of the present4 ,when several friends combine in giving a present to the bride1 she should write a letter of thanks to each one separately1 sending the letters by post4 ,it is perfectly proper to open a gift in the presence of the giver1 and express one's pleasure and gratitude on the spot4 ,indeed1 it is much better form to do so than to wait until the giver has gone4 ,,wedding ,,anniversaries4 ,the paper wedding1 so termed1 is celebrated one year after marriage4 ,invitations should be issued on heavy gray paper or thin card-board4 ,presents may consist of any article made of paper or papier mch2 such1 for instance1 as books1 engravings1 etc4 ,the wooden wedding is celebrated five years after marriage4 ,invitations may be issued upon wooden cards1 or wooden cards may be inclosed with an invitation written or engraved upon a sheet of wedding note paper4 ,the presents may be anything made of wood1 from a mustard spoon to a house or set of furniture4 ,the tin wedding comes ten years after marriage4 ,invitation cards are sometimes covered with tin foil1 or tin cards are inclosed1 or1 if preferred1 the invitation is printed on tin bronze paper4 ,presents should consist of articles made of tin4 ,the crystal wedding1 fifteen years after marriage1 is next in order4 ,cards may be issued upon transparent paper1 or upon note paper with a card of isinglass inclosed4 ,the china wedding takes place twenty years after marriage4 ,semi-transparent cardboard will answer for the invitations4 ,the silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty-fifth anniversary1 and is generally an occasion of much more importance than any of the foregoing anniversaries4 ,the invitations may be printed on silver paper1 and the presents are1 of course1 articles of silver4 ,the golden wedding1 celebrated on the fiftieth anniversary of the marriage1 may be said to be the one in which the young do homage to the old4 ,it should be conducted by the near relatives or friends of the couple1 and the occasion should be made one of retrospect1 of encouragement1 and of congratulation4 ,the invitations should be on white paper in gold letters1 and the presents should be of gold4 ,at each of these anniversaries it is customary to have the marriage ceremony re-performed1 and all arrangements for the celebration are made in about the same manner as for the first marriage4 ,illustration ,,footnotes3 ,footnote ,b3 ,in looking up any one point in this book1--as 8dinners10 for instance1--one will be obliged sometimes to refer to more than one place4 ,chapter ,,ii41 under 8,notes of ,invitation10 and ,chapter ,i41 under its three different heads1 contain more or less information concerning 8dinners10 which it seems difficult to classify anymore closely than has been done4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,conversation1 ,,chaperonage1 ,,marriage1 ,,domestic ,,etiquette ,,and ,,duties4 8,manners are not idle1 but are the fruit of noble natures and of loyal minds40 ,,conversation4 ,the late ,dr4 ,george ,ripley was wont to say that the secret of being agreeable in conversation was to be honorable to the ideas of others4 ,he affirmed that some people only half listened to you1 because they were considering1 even while you spoke1 with what fine words1 what wealth of wit1 they should reply1 and they began to speak almost before your sentence had died upon your lips4 ,these people1 he said1 might be brilliant1 witty1 dazzling1 but never could they be agreeable4 ,you do not love to talk to them4 ,you feel that they are impatient for their turn to come1 and that they have no hospitality towards your thoughts--none of that gentle friendliness which asks your idea and makes much of it4 ,this want of hospitality to other people's ideas often has its root in egotism1 but it is equally apt to be the growth of a secret want of self-confidence1 a fear that one will not be ready to take one's own part well1--an uneasy self-consciousness which makes real sympathetic attention to the ideas of others impossible4 ,agreeability1 readiness in conversation1 tact and graciousness of manner are great aids to popularity4 ,to possess these qualities one must have marked consideration for others1 and be ever ready to manifest it4 ,one should also be ready to recall faces and names4 ,though one has but few facts and ideas to draw upon1 she may still1 by making sufficient effort1 become a fair conversationalist4 ,if one despair in this direction1 she may at least train herself to become an interesting listener1 and she will be surprised to find how popular she will be2 for three-quarters of the world like to talk1 while to listen intelligently is a great talent4 ,the good listener1 by her evident interest in1 and sympathetic attention to1 the matter of conversation1 brings out all that is best in the one with whom she talks4 ,diffident people forget their shyness in her presence1 and leave her with the comfortable and novel conviction that they have1 after all1 acquitted themselves rather well4 ,no well-bred person would be guilty of the gross rudeness of picking up a book or magazine and 8looking through0 it while pretending to pay heed to the talk of a friend4 ,the assurance1 8,i am only looking at the pictures of this magazine1 not reading1 and ,i hear every word you say10 is no palliation of the offence4 ,the speaker would be justified in refusing to continue the conversation until the pictures had been properly studied4 ,if a speech is worth hearing1 it is worthy of respectful and earnest attention4 ,no one should ever monopolize the conversation1 unless he wishes to win for himself the name of a bore4 ,a well-educated and finely cultured person proclaims himself by the simplicity and terseness of his language4 ,in conversation all provincialisms1 affectations of foreign accents1 mannerisms1 exaggerations1 and slang are detestable4 ,flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual smile1 the wandering eye1 the vacant stare1 or the half-open mouth of the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation4 ,interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against good breeding4 ,anecdotes should be sparsely introduced into a conversation1 lest they become stale4 ,repartee must be indulged in with moderation4 ,puns are considered vulgar by many4 ,in addressing persons with titles1 one ought always to add the name2 as1 8,what do you think1 ,doctor ,graves80 not1 8,what do you think1 ,doctor80 ,the great secret of talking well is to adapt one's conversation skillfully to the hearers4 ,in a tte--tte conversation1 it is extremely ill-bred to drop the voice to a whisper1 or to converse on private matters4 ,one should never try to hide the lips in talking by putting up the hand or a fan4 ,one should avoid long conversations in society with members of his own family4 ,if an unfinished conversation is continued after the entrance of a visitor1 its import should be explained to him4 ,though bores find their account in speaking ill or well of themselves1 it is the characteristic of a gentleman that he never speaks of himself at all4 ,la ,buryere says3 8,the great charm of conversation consists less in the display of one's own wit and intelligence than in the power to draw forth the resources of others2 he who leaves one after a long conversation1 pleased with himself and the part he has taken in the discourse1 will be the other's warmest admirer40 ,in society the absent-minded man is uncivil4 ,there are many persons who commence speaking before they know what they are going to say4 ,the ill-natured world1 which never misses an opportunity of being severe1 declares them to be foolish and destitute of brains4 ,he who knows the world1 will not be too bashful2 he who knows himself1 will not be imprudent4 ,there is no surer sign of vulgarity than the perpetual boasting of fine things at home4 ,one should be careful how freely he offers advice4 ,if one keeps silent sometimes upon subjects of which he is known to be a judge1 his silence1 when from ignorance1 will not discover him4 ,one should not argue a point when it is possible to avoid it1 but when he does argue1 he should do so in a gentlemanly and dispassionate manner4 ,one should never notice any mistakes in the language of others4 ,,chaperonage4 ,the foreign custom that makes a chaperone indispensable where young people are gathered together at places of public entertainment1 has long obtained in the cities of the ,east1 and in all conventional communities everywhere4 ,no really fashionable party is made up without a chaperone4 ,a young woman condemns herself in the eyes of good society who is observed to enter alone with a young man a place of public refreshment1 be the restaurant or tea room ever so select4 ,bred under other conditions of a society so necessarily varying as that in our broad ,america1 a stranger visiting ,new ,york1 for instance1 might readily and innocently make a mistake of this nature1 and blush at finding herself condemned for it4 ,in the same category of offenses is ranked that of maidens visiting places of public amusement under the escort of young men alone4 ,many parts of the ,south and ,west allow this to be done with the smiling consent of good society2 but in ,eastern cities it is considered a violation of good form1 and for the comfort1 if not the convenience1 of the girl considering it1 had better be ranked among the lost privileges upon which social evolution may look back with fond regret4 ,it is always wisest1 when a number of young people are to have a party1 to ask two or three married women to be present1 not only for propriety's sake1 but because there will then be no danger of anything unwished for happening1 inasmuch as it is the duty of the chaperones to make all social entertainments smooth and pleasant4 ,when it is necessary for a girl to pay long visits to a dentist's office1 she should be accompanied either by her mother1 or some woman relative1 or maid4 ,the etiquette of chaperonage is much less strict for a young widow than for an unmarried girl of the same age2 but it is important and in good taste for a woman who is a widow to be very quiet and inconspicuous in all she does1 giving by her behavior no opportunity for criticism4 ,,marriage4 ,a young girl's own safety1 as regards her present and future happiness1 demands that she receive attentions from only the best of young men1--those of whom her reason would approve1 if the acquaintance should lead to more than acquaintance4 ,parents should carefully watch the young men who frequent their houses1 in order to see that undesirable intimacies are not formed with their daughters1 for friendships and intimacies soon lead to love4 ,many a girl1 feeling convinced that she had loved unwisely1 has entered upon the married state with heart and reason at variance1 when she might have given up the acquaintance1 in the beginning of it1 very easily4 ,the most perfect reserve in courtship1 even in cases of the most ardent attachment1 is indispensable to the confidence and trust of married life to come4 ,all public display of devotion should be avoided1 for it tends to lessen mutual respect1 and it makes the actors ridiculous in the eyes or others4 ,it is quite possible for a man to show every conceivable attention to the one to whom he is engaged1 and yet to avoid committing the slightest offence against delicacy or good taste4 ,it is quite possible for a man to show attention1 and even assiduity up to a certain point1 without becoming a lover2 and it is equally possible for the girl to let it be seen that he is not disagreeable to her1 without actually encouraging him4 ,no man likes to be refused1 and no man of tact will risk a refusal4 ,long engagements are usually entered into by people who are quite young1 but who1 for some reason1 cannot marry4 ,as the years go on their tastes may change1 and yet each may feel that honor binds the one to the other4 ,the woman chosen by a man when he is twenty-one is seldom the woman he would chose when he is forty4 ,when people marry young they grow accustomed to each other1 and1 oddly enough1 they grow to be alike2 but during a long engagement their tastes are apt to change1 and the result is apt to be anything but a happy one4 ,of course1 there are exceptions1 but1 generalizing1 the long engagement is to be feared4 ,,domestic ,,etiquette ,,and ,,duties4 ,etiquette is a comprehensive term1 and its observances are nowhere more to be desired than in the domestic circle4 ,if husbands and wives1 generally1 would render each other half of the little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage1 their mutual happiness would be more than doubled4 ,a wife should never let her husband have cause to complain that she is more agreeable abroad than at home1 nor see her negligent of dress and manners at home when it is the reverse in company4 ,if1 unhappily1 any misunderstandings or annoyances occur between husband and wife1 it is ill-bred and unjust for either to repeat them to a third person4 ,faithful unto death in all things should be the motto of both husband and wife2 and forbearance with each other's peculiarities1 their never-ending effort to attain4 ,if a girl discovers very soon after her marriage that she has made a mistake1 it is wisest for her to make the best of it2 she should look for all that is good in her husband and try to forget that which she dislikes4 ,there are times when a legal separation is necessary1 but when people marry they marry for better or for worse1 and if1 unfortunately1 it should be for worse1 even that does not release them from the solemn vows which they have taken4 ,it is not in good taste for a husband and wife to call each other by endearing names in the presence of others4 ,a man has no right whatever to open his wife's mail1 but a woman should not receive any letters that she would not be willing that her husband should see4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,v4 ,,dress1 ,,gloves1 ,,street ,,etiquette1 ,,traveling1 ,,bicycling1 ,,telephoning4 8,refinement of character is said never to be found with vulgarity of dress40 ,,dress4 ,in appropriateness our people have something to learn1 as has the whole world1 for that matter4 ,necklaces and jewels in the morning are monstrous1 no matter what the fashion of the moment may be1 and there will come a time when every one will look upon them with horror1 as every one1 indeed1 used to do4 ,the day is past when latitude or great variety in dress is considered original4 ,clothes1 if they are startling at all1 must be startling in a degree to be borne4 ,a train cannot be worn where only a short skirt is in order1 nor can an abbreviated drapery go where full dress is required4 ,a garden party1 for instance1 or an out-of-door tea at a private house demands a muslin1 a silk1 or1 at any rate1 an elaborate toilet1 while at a golf club1 such dress is absurd1 except for the elderly or non-players4 ,in winter1 frills and furbelows1 if they are worn at all1 are worn at large teas1 the plain tailor-made suit having gone out for such purposes4 ,however1 it is difficult to follow the vagaries of fashion in these regards4 ,for morning wear1 no dress can be too simple4 ,luncheons are growing more and more informal4 ,when distances are great1 however1 and one dresses for calls in the part of town where the luncheon is1 afterward1 more elaborateness of dress is allowed4 ,the best advice to all girls upon the subject must be1 not to be overdressed1 nor yet to be careless in the matter4 ,they should attire themselves according to their circumstances1 and should1 above all things1 avoid all extremes of fashion1 as well as all eccentricities of style4 ,only quiet colors should be worn either to church or on the street1 and wherever girls go they should endeavor to be unconscious of their personal appearance4 ,the woman who is overdressed at an afternoon reception is much more uncomfortable than she who is gowned with the simplicity of a ,quaker4 ,a well fitting wool gown1 a becoming bonnet1 a fresh pair of gloves1 and one is suitably dressed as a caller4 ,a girl of fourteen should not wear her hair done up1 and her gown should come just below her ankles4 ,it is not in good taste for a young girl to wear diamond rings2 if she is fortunate enough to possess them1 let her keep them carefully until she is older1 and then she may wear them with perfect propriety4 ,it is in very bad taste to wear a dressing-sacque when breakfasting in a public dining-room of a hotel4 ,such an undress costume is only permissible in one's own room4 ,a frock coat is1 under no circumstances1 a correct garment for a man to wear at an evening dance1 neither is a ,tuxedo or dinner coat4 ,the proper dress is a full dress suit1 with white vest and white string tie4 ,possibly a dinner coat might be allowable at a very small and very informal dance1 but a frock coat never4 ,a man should wear a white tie with a dress suit at any large formal entertainment1 such as a ball1 the opera1 a wedding reception1 a large dinner party1 etc41 and on all occasions where he wears a white waistcoat4 ,he should wear a black tie at the theater1 at a small dinner1 in calling1 and at home with his dinner coat4 ,evening dress may be as gay as one chooses to make it1 though extremes are not desirable4 ,dresses made a suitable length for walking are much more appropriate for the street than those that are so long that their wearers become street cleaners4 ,neatness in a lady's dress is one of the first requisites4 ,to dress well requires good taste1 good sense1 and refinement4 ,the most appropriate and becoming dress is that which so harmonizes with the figure that the apparel is unobserved4 ,a hostess should be careful not to out-dress her guests4 ,when going out one should consider the sort of company she is likely to meet1 and should dress accordingly4 ,the idea that 8dress makes the man0 is a very false one1 but a man does make1 or select1 rather1 his dress1 and is judged somewhat in accordance with that selection4 ,at a five o'clock church wedding the groom1 best man1 and ushers all dress as nearly as possible alike4 ,the proper costume or suit is a black frock coat1 gray trousers1 black or fancy vesting waist coat1 white tie1 glac gloves1 patent leather boots1 and a tall hat4 ,,gloves4 ,a young woman should of course wear gloves with a full evening dress to any kind of an evening entertainment4 ,on taking one's seat at a dinner table or a card table one may remove one's gloves1 but not until then2 and at the theater or opera1 gloves should be worn throughout the performance and during the evening4 ,a man wears light or white kid gloves to the opera1 dances1 a reception1 or any other formal evening entertainment1 except a dinner4 ,it is usual to remove one's gloves when eating supper at an evening affair1 unless merely a cup of bouillon or an ice may be chosen1 and then there would be no impropriety in keeping on one's gloves4 ,a man wears gloves when calling1 and removes them just before or just after entering the parlor4 ,tan gloves may be worn at all hours of the day2 white or pearl ones are proper in the evening1 when calling1 or at any place of amusement4 ,no matter how long one's gloves are1 they should be entirely taken off at supper1 and be resumed again upon returning to the drawing-room or after using the finger bowls1 and before arising from the feast4 ,to wear gloves while playing cards is an affectation of elegance4 ,,street ,,etiquette4 ,a man offers his right arm1 if either1 to a woman on the street 7also in the house71 that she may have her right hand free for holding her parasol or guiding her train4 ,both common sense and gallantry assign the woman's place where it is for her greatest convenience1 and that is1 undeniably1 on the right of the man4 ,the rule for giving the left arm was held good in those days when it was necessary for men to pass to the left1 thus keeping the sword-arm free for self-protection or for the protection of the women1 but now the passing is all to the right4 ,in walking with a woman a man chooses the outer side without any regard as to its being either the right or the left4 ,in walking with two women he chooses the outer side also1 and never walks between them4 ,a man walking with a woman returns a bow made to her1 lifting his hat1 although the one bowing is a stranger to him4 ,ladies do not talk or call across the street4 ,men should not smoke when driving or walking with women1 nor on promenades much frequented1 where they cannot remove the cigar from the mouth whenever meeting a woman4 ,one should never stare at another4 ,a man when meeting a woman who is walking and with whom he wishes to converse1 does not allow her to stand while talking1 but turns and walks with her4 ,a man cannot refuse to return the bow of any respectable woman4 ,if he does not wish to recognize her he must avoid her4 ,it is much less rude for women to return a recognition coldly1 and upon the next occasion to turn away or to avoid a meeting1 than to give a 8cut direct40 ,a man precedes a woman in passing through a crowd2 but women precede men under ordinary circumstances4 ,it is not proper for a young girl to walk alone with a young man after dark1 unless she is engaged to him or he is a near relative of hers4 ,a young woman should meet a young man with whom she has only a slight acquaintance under her father's or a proper guardian's roof4 ,when he has become well acquainted with her and her family or friends1 she may take occasional walks with him alone in the afternoon1 but never in the evening4 ,when two women meet in a door-way1 the younger gives precedence to the elder4 ,a man does not first offer to shake hands with a woman unless he is very well acquainted with her4 ,when it becomes necessary for one to address a man or woman whose name one does not know1 it should be as 8,sir0 or 8,madam40 ,it is very bad taste for young women to eat candy during a theatrical performance1 or1 indeed1 in any public place4 ,,traveling4 ,one can travel all over the ,united ,states alone1 and if she conducts herself quietly1 and as a lady should1 she will receive all due respect4 ,at the same time it is perhaps a little wiser to have a friend with one1 or even1 if that is not possible1 to be put in the care of some one who is making the same journey4 ,when a young woman is traveling alone and is obliged to stay at a hotel1 she is shown to a reception room and sends for a clerk to come to her4 ,after the business arrangements are made1 she either gives him a card or tells him her name1 and he registers for her4 ,there is no reason why she should go into a public room or register herself4 ,it is not customary1 unless one is without luggage1 to pay in advance at a hotel4 ,fees are usually given on leaving the steamer to the steward or stewardess1 deck steward1 head waiter1 waiter of the particular table at which one has taken his meals1 and any other servants who have made themselves useful to him during the voyage4 ,the amount of the fees depends on the amount of the service that has been required1 varying from #a to #e for each4 ,living in lodgings abroad is much cheaper than living in hotels1 and in most of the large cities such accommodations may be had at reasonable rates1 and are very comfortable4 ,the prices for lodging vary according to location1 etc4 ,a steamer trunk should suffice for a traveler who makes a short trip abroad and intends to spend all his time traveling and sight-seeing4 ,money for a short trip can be carried on the person1 in a belt1 or a pocket hung about the neck4 ,for a trip of some length a letter of credit is more convenient1 and can be obtained from any banking-house having foreign connections4 ,in some countries traveling in the second-class carriages is very comfortable2 in others it is not4 ,in ,italy a traveler can be comfortable only by traveling first-class2 in ,france second-class is not bad2 and in ,germany and ,great ,britain it is perfectly comfortable1 and preferable to first-class in many respects4 ,a rush and scramble at a railway ticket office is only carried on by ill-bred people1 or by those who appear so at the time4 ,if a woman offers to seat herself beside a man1 he should rise at once and give her the choice of seats4 ,no real gentlemen would be unmindful of the comfort and convenience of women1 while traveling1 from a selfish motive4 ,in the cars one has no right to keep a window open1 if the current of air thus produced annoys another4 ,a woman should always be careful to thank a person for any little attention he may bestow upon her while traveling4 ,,bicycling4 ,as to rules of politeness for bicyclers1 one who is a true lady will show herself to be one as surely when riding a wheel as at any other time1 not only by her costume1 which will be unobtrusive in color1 cut1 and adjustment1 but by her manner1 which will be even more quiet and self-possessed than usual1 as she well knows that by mounting a wheel she makes herself more or less conspicuous4 ,it goes without saying that she will not ride fast enough to attract undue attention2 that she will not chew gum2 and that she will not allow advances from strangers1 who may1 like herself1 be on a wheel1 and1 to all appearances1 may be gentlemen4 ,neither will she ride off alone after dark1 nor take long rides in the evening attended only by an escort4 ,in the daytime1 when out only with a man friend1 she will avoid stopping to rest under the trees and in out of the way places4 ,too much care cannot be taken1 especially by young girls1 as to appearances4 ,their very innocence and ignorance lays them open to criticism4 ,,telephoning4 ,for the benefit of those who but seldom make use of the telephone1 and consequently feel more or less ill at ease when attempting to use one1 and also for those who1 from ignorance of the first laws of politeness1 or who1 from thoughtlessness1 ignore them1 a few hints upon the subject may not come amiss4 ,it is after having called up 8,central10 and been given the number requested1 that one often stands in need of no small amount of tact and good breeding1 as well as of some idea of the best method of procedure4 ,when there are several different persons using the same line1 two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs1 and all rush to the telephone at once4 ,if at all stupid1 or lacking in politeness1 they will make it quite unpleasant for each other4 ,the one entitled to speak should politely inquire for the one for whom she has called at the telephone1 also giving her own name as the one delivering the message4 ,if this does not suffice to enlighten those who sometimes keep calling 8hello10 8hello10 without waiting to learn if they are the ones desired1 the one talking should again announce herself1 and the name of the one to whom she wishes to speak4 ,then1 occasionally1 even while in the midst of a conversation1 some one will break in with a 8,hello60 8,who is it80 8,what do you want80 etc41 which is quite distracting4 ,if one can gain a hearing in no other way1 it is well to say3 8,excuse me1 ,i hold the line40 ,if this does not bring order out of chaos1 one should ring off and call again4 ,one should be careful not to call up friends at inconvenient hours1 and when one is notified by a servant1 or otherwise1 that someone1 the name being given1 is at the telephone wishing to speak with her1 she should certainly be as expeditious as possible in replying2 for1 by holding the wire1 she is inconveniencing others1 as well as the one who is waiting for her4 ,no lady needs to be warned against speaking discourteously under any circumstances to the telephone assistants at the central office4 ,it is in these little things that one shows herself to be well-bred or not4 ,none1 of course1 but the most informal of invitations can be delivered by telephone4 ,servants should be taught always to answer the telephone politely and intelligently4 ,when answering1 a servant should say whose residence it is1 if asked1 not by giving the family name1 as 8,smith10 but as 8,mr4 ,smith10 and then1 if asked who is at the instrument1 she should reply1 8,mrs4 ,smith's cook0 or 8maid40 ,one's individual manners1 and ordinary polite or impolite forms of address1 are very noticeable when accentuated by the telephone4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,the ,,table ,,and ,,service ,,at ,,table1 ,,habits ,,at ,,table1 ,,servants ,,and ,,serving4 8,god may forgive sins1 but awkwardness has no forgiveness in ,heaven or earth40--,hawthorne4 ,,the ,,table ,,and ,,service ,,at ,,table4 ,the table looks best when not over-decorated4 ,the housekeeper who cannot make changes in her table decoration finds that a mirror centerpiece is a background that multiplies the beauty of her flowers1 fruit1 leaves1 or whatever may constitute the decoration4 ,a unique and effective decoration for a luncheon table is made of long1 narrow bouquets of white carnations1 tied with bows of yellow satin ribbon1 and arranged so that the ribbons all meet in the center of the table1 while the points are directed towards the guests4 ,the effect is of a great golden-hearted daisy4 ,a pretty conceit for decorating a dainty table is to cluster a number of small palms together in the center of the table4 ,around these place small ferns1 while beyond the latter arrange yards of smilax so as to conceal the pots4 ,outside of all have a flat border composed of loose bunches of pinks1 roses1 and maiden-hair ferns4 ,tie these with wide pink satin ribbons1 a long end of which should extend from each bouquet down to the place of each of the women guests1 and have her name painted in gold upon it4 ,then there should be boutonnires of pink carnations for the men4 ,menu cards are not ordinarily used at any but the most formal kind of an entertainment4 ,they are always seen at large functions1 men's public dinners1 etc41 which are usually given in a hotel or restaurant2 but in a private house individual menu cards1 whether at a dinner or a luncheon1 are exceptional4 ,when the dinner is large and formal1 or even when it numbers only eight or ten1 it is wise to have small cards with the names of the guests at each place at the table1 and1 if the guests are strangers to each other1 to have a tray in the men's dressing-room or hall where they remove their coats and hats with tiny envelopes addressed to each1 containing little cards on which is written the name of the dinner partner4 ,the hostess must see that1 as soon as two dinner partners are in the receiving room before dinner1 they meet each other1 and have a chance for a little conversation before the meal is announced2 and she should also make a point to introduce each woman before dinner to the man who is to sit on the other side of her4 ,introductions are not proper at the table1 and at a large dinner it is awkward to introduce all one's guests to each other before the meal4 ,at a small dinner1 of course1 it is not necessary to observe all this formality1 and the hostess may introduce her guests to each other without much ceremony1 when the company numbers only four or six2 but with more1 each woman should be provided with a partner who escorts her to the table4 ,at a small function there need be but a few minutes of waiting before the guests are all seated4 ,the guest of honor sits at the right of the host4 ,as to the manner of arranging the table1 there is some difference of opinion4 ,however1 generally speaking1 there should be a napkin1 squarely folded1 in front of each guest1 and at the left of it the forks1 i4 e41 a fish fork and a large and a small ordinary fork4 ,at the right of the napkin should be the knives and spoons1 a glass1 bread-and-butter plate 7if used71 and a salt cellar2 and in the center of the table on an embroidered centerpiece or circular mirror1 the floral decorations4 ,at the head of the table1 upon an embroidered square1 are laid the tea service1--the urn1 the cups and saucers1 the cream pitcher1 sugar bowl1 etc42 at the other end are placed the dishes for serving4 ,scattered about on circular doilies are the dishes of jelly1 preserves1 pickles 7sweet and sour71 olives1 salted almonds1 etc4 ,chafing-dishes are used to prepare such dishes as terrapin1 oysters1 or whatever may be cooked absolutely on the table4 ,a napkin and plate1 or tray1 is best liked for removing crumbs4 ,finger bowls should always follow the last course at formal and informal meals alike1 except at breakfast1 when1 if fruit is the first course1 the finger-bowl is put on the table when the covers are laid ready for the fruit course4 ,spoon-holders are no longer used1 but if one should be fancied it would be better to put the bowl of the spoon in the holder first4 ,unless one serves something more than wafers1 small cakes1 tea1 and chocolate on an 8at home0 day1 napkins are not necessary2 if1 however1 there is some dish that will soil the fingers or the lips1 then there should be a pile of small napkins on the tea-table4 ,tooth-picks should not be put on the table1 nor should they be used outside one's own room4 ,it is not necessary to fold one's napkin when only one meal is to be eaten in the house in which one is staying4 ,the day for tying cakes1 sandwiches1 etc41 with ribbons has passed4 ,the waitress should stand with a tray in her hand behind the host's chair to receive each plate as it is filled1 passing it to the left of the guest1 and waiting for him to remove it4 ,when the hostess is pouring tea or coffee1 the maid's place is by her left side in waiting for the cups4 ,after that she should be on the alert to see when the glasses need filling1 or when there is bread1 pickles1 or anything to be passed4 ,when removing the plates it should be from the right side of the guest1 but everything should be offered at the left that the right hand may be used to receive it4 ,when a dish is passed and there is no maid in attendance1 one should help himself and pass it on4 ,if a dish is standing near one1 under such circumstances1 he may quite properly ask if he may help himself1 and do so4 ,when a plate is passed for a helping1 the knife and fork are laid well to the side of the plate1 so placed that they will not fall off1 and yet not be in the way of the server4 ,all the appurtenances of each course should be removed before the succeeding one is served4 ,the bread-and-butter plates1 however1 should be removed before the salad course1 as crackers and cheese are passed with this1 the salad plate being used to hold all three things4 ,the salted almonds should be started about the table by the hostess soon after the guests are seated4 ,some hostesses possess cut-glass or china individual dishes1 on which the almonds are placed when the guest helps himself1 but it is quite usual for them to be placed on the bread-and-butter plate4 ,bonbons should be passed by the maid when the coffee is served1 and eaten from the plate from which the finger-bowl and doily have been removed4 ,it is not important whether tumblers or goblets are used on the dinner-table2 each season brings its own custom4 ,the bread-and-butter plates at a formal dinner serve the purpose only of bread plates1 as it is not customary to serve butter on such occasions4 ,if it is used1 however1 butter should be made into tiny balls1 and one or two placed on each bread-and-butter plate4 ,it is customary to put the vegetables served with the meat on the same plate4 ,the use of individual dishes for vegetables is no longer approved4 ,oranges are seldom served at dinner unless they are specially prepared1 that is1 with the skin taken off1 and the sections divided1 in which case the fruit is eaten from a fork4 ,cheese and crackers of some sort are always served with salad courses4 ,at a formal dinner bouillon or consomm is usually served in soup-plates4 ,at a supper or luncheon it is oftenest served in cups4 ,the regulation cups are those having handles on each side4 ,when oysters are served on the half-shell1 they are usually placed upon the table before the meal is announced4 ,it is not customary to serve fruit as a first course at dinner1 though at a lunch it is quite proper4 ,grape-fruit must be served ice cold4 ,it is served in two ways3 either it is cut in halves1 midway between the blossom and the stem end1 the seeds removed1 the pulp loosened with a sharp knife1 but served in the natural skin1 to be eaten with a spoon2 or the pulp and seeds are entirely removed from the skin with a sharp knife1 and the edible part only served in deep dessert plates4 ,pulverized sugar should accompany grape-fruit4 ,in waiting upon plates1 one should never pour gravy on the food1 but place it at one side4 ,the salad course at dinner always succeeds the game course4 ,after dinner coffee is served in small cups and without cream4 ,in many houses rock-candy1 crushed in very small pieces1 is used as a substitute for sugar1 the claim being made that it gives a purer sweetness4 ,cut sugar is served with coffee1 and powdered sugar with fruit or oatmeal4 ,coffee may be served at the table or in the drawing-room as is best liked4 ,people are not asked if they will have it2 it is served to them4 ,only sugar is offered with black coffee4 ,,habits ,,at ,,table4 ,nothing indicates the good breeding of a man so much as his manners at table4 ,there are a thousand little points to be observed1 which1 although not absolutely necessary1 distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man4 ,a man may pass muster by dressing well1 and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation2 but1 if he is not nearly perfect in table etiquette1 dining will betray him4 ,any unpleasant peculiarity1 abruptness1 or coarseness of manner is especially offensive at table4 ,people are more easily disgusted at that time than at any other4 ,one should never rest the arms upon the table1 but keep the left hand1 when not in use1 lying quietly in the lap4 ,a man guest should never precede his hostess into or out of the dining-room1 but should wait respectfully by the door for her to pass4 ,a soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful4 ,the mouth should be kept closed in eating1 and as little noise made as possible4 ,a goblet should be held by the stem1 and not by the bowl4 ,bread should be broken and not cut before buttering it to eat4 ,a knife should never be used at table except where one is unable to cut his food with his fork2 it should never be used in conveying food to the mouth4 ,a knife should be held by its handle1 and the finger not allowed to extend up on the blade4 ,in eating with a fork it should be held in the right hand4 ,the fork is generally used with the tines curving upward4 ,olives are eaten from the fingers2 pickles1 from a fork4 ,it is usual to put either a small fork or a long-handled spoon with a small bowl on the dish containing olives or pickles1 and one should use it in helping one's self4 ,the tips of the fingers are put in the finger-bowls and may then moisten the lips4 ,both lips and finger tips are dried on the napkin1 which is not afterwards folded4 ,watermelons are eaten with a fork1 and cantaloupes with either a spoon or a fork4 ,a baked potato should be eaten from the plate after it has been pushed out of its skin by the fork4 ,dried beef is eaten with a fork4 ,grape seeds may be removed from the mouth with the fingers4 ,the seeds of watermelons should be taken from the fruit with a fork before the fruit is put into the mouth4 ,fish bones are taken from the mouth with the fingers4 ,care1 however1 is usually taken to leave as few bones as possible in the fish1 since the general use of the silver knife with the silver fork has made it easy to separate the bones from the meat4 ,bananas are broken with a fork1 and a piece is conveyed to the mouth on a fork4 ,when a servant offers one a dish1 he should help himself without taking it from her hand4 ,when drinking from a cup1 the spoon should be left in the saucer1 where it also remains when the cup is empty4 ,it is not proper to eat gravy with bits of bread2 instead1 it should be regarded as a sauce1 and simply eaten on the meat of which it forms a portion4 ,it is decreed by custom that the small bones of any bird may be taken in the fingers1 and the meat eaten from the bone4 ,but this must always be done daintily4 ,what is known as 8layer cake0 is eaten from a fork1 and in serving it one uses either a pie-knife or a tablespoon and a fork4 ,cheese is eaten with a fork4 ,after-dinner coffee is taken directly from the cup1 and not from the spoon4 ,crackers should be eaten from the hand1 and not be broken into soup4 ,when bread is passed1 one takes a slice as it is cut1 and does not break it and leave a portion on the plate4 ,bread is always eaten from the fingers4 ,raw oysters are eaten with a small oyster-fork from the shell4 ,in helping one's self to salt1 the little salt-spoon is used1 and the salt is placed on the plate4 ,when strawberries are served with their stems on1 one picks one up by the stem1 dips it into the soft sugar at the side of the plate1 and eats it from the stem4 ,bonbons are eaten from the fingers4 ,if a spoon is in the dish from which they are served1 then one uses it2 if not1 the fingers are proper4 ,an apple or a pear may be held on a fork1 and pared with a knife2 or it may be quartered1 and each quarter held in the fingers1 and then pared4 ,dates are eaten from the fingers4 ,when one answers 8thank you0 to an invitation to partake of a certain dish at the table1 8yes0 is meant4 ,one should break a small piece of bread off the slice1 then butter it and eat it4 ,only very small children in the nursery bite from a slice of buttered bread4 ,one need not fear to take the last piece on the plate when it is offered4 ,it would be more impolite to refuse it4 ,it is very bad form to pile up1 or in any way arrange the plates or small dishes put before one1 for the benefit of the waiter4 ,she should do her own work1 which is to take away the plates without any help4 ,when one wishes for bread1 or anything of that sort1 he should simply ask for it1 either addressing his request to the servant or1 if there is none1 to whomever the bread may be nearest1 if it is on the table4 ,upon leaving the table1 and the signal for leaving is given when the hostess rises1 one's napkin should be placed upon the table unfolded1 unless one is to remain for another meal4 ,at a formal dinner party the host should enter the dining-room first and with the lady in whose honor the dinner is given2 the hostess goes into the dining-room last with the most important man guest1 who should be seated at her right4 ,where menus are used they should be placed on the left-hand side1 beside the forks4 ,when the dinner is over1 at a signal from the hostess1 the women rise and retire to the drawing-room1 where coffee is usually served1 the men remaining in the dining-room for coffee and cigars4 ,five o'clock tea may be served in a variety of ways3 the hostess may brew it herself in a teapot upon her tea-table in the parlor2 she may make it by pouring boiling water over a tea-ball2 or it may be served by either a man or maid servant in the dining-room4 ,its proper accompaniments are sugar1 cream1 sliced lemon1 and either wafers1 thin sandwiches1 or cake4 ,it is in better form to have a luncheon served at a large table1 especially when the guests do not number more than twenty1 than to have small tables4 ,two o'clock is the fashionable hour for a luncheon2 after it is over the guests usually disperse4 ,a host1 in entertaining at a hotel or a restaurant1 even if he entertains only one woman1 should give the order for the meal himself1 and save her the slight embarrassment it may be for her to make her own selection4 ,the most courteous thing is for him to order the meal beforehand1 but if the occasion is very informal and he prefers to wait until they are at the table1 he should1 after he and his guest are seated1 hand the menu to her and ask if she has any especial preference1 and then1 respecting her wishes1 give the order himself to the waiter4 ,if1 however1 friends happen in1 and are asked informally to stay to a meal at a hotel1 they may order themselves what they want from the menu1 and1 if necessary1 the host or hostess of the occasion may pay the bill before leaving the dining-room1 but the bill should not be paid until the guests have departed4 ,in giving one's order for dinner at the hotel1 oysters come first1 then soup1 fish1 a roast or a bird1 ices1 whatever dessert may be desired1 and coffee4 ,very often a woman is well served1 when she is alone1 by allowing the waiter to arrange a dinner for her4 ,if the only guest at the family dinner-table is a man1 he should not be served until all the ladies of the family have been attended to4 ,if the hostess is the only woman at the table1 she is served first1 as a lady is of most importance from a social standpoint1 and it is always proper to attend to her wants first4 ,after her the man who is a visitor1 or whose age gives him precedence1 receives attention4 ,the guest of honor at a tea arrives a little earlier than the other guests1 and remains somewhat later1 but at a luncheon or dinner she should appear at the regulation time4 ,one should remove one's gloves at a luncheon1 but the retaining of the hat is entirely a matter of personal taste4 ,the inconsiderate guest who arrives late for luncheon or dinner is shown immediately into the dining-room1 and the hostess does not leave her guests1 but simply rises and motions him to a seat when he enters the room4 ,ten minutes is the time usually allowed for each course where more than a six-course dinner is served4 ,the correct and usual way of seating a bridal party at a wedding entertainment is for the groom to sit at one end of the table1 and the bride at the other end1 the best man on the bride's right1 and the maid of honor or first bridemaid on the groom's right4 ,the other bridemaids and ushers are placed wherever seems best4 ,as a usual thing1 the parents of the bride and groom do not sit at the same table with the immediate bridal party1 but at another table1 together with the near relatives on both sides1 and perhaps the minister who officiated at the wedding and his wife2 but if it seems desirable to have the parents at the bridal table1 it is perfectly proper to seat them there4 ,there are certain distinctive features of a bridal table which must be in evidence4 ,one is the wedding or bride's cake1 and this cake should be the central ornament1 and should be surrounded with a wreath of roses4 ,the place-cards should have the initials of the bride and groom woven together for decoration1 and the souvenirs may be small satin boxes containing wedding cake4 ,,servants ,,and ,,serving4 ,there is so much to say upon the subject of servants1 notwithstanding so much has already been said1 it is difficult to know where to begin4 ,but1 in the first place1 every woman should remember that servants are1 like herself1 human1 and that in our free ,america1 they are becoming very independent1 not to say self-assertive4 ,thus a house mistress has no small matter to deal with when she demands obedience and respectful attention from girls who are generally ignorant1 and often impudent and ill-bred4 ,the greatest strength of the mistress lies in her power to control herself1 and while she must demand respectfulness from her servants1 she can often avoid a clash with them by using a little tact4 ,if they are treated in a kind1 though dignified1 manner1 unless very degenerate1 they will usually respond satisfactorily4 ,one can speak1 with perfect propriety1 of the one servant employed as 8the maid10 but not as 8our girl40 ,servants should be expected to dress neatly1 and where there is but one1 she should have a clean white apron ready to put on when answering the door-bell1 being prepared with a tray to receive the caller's card4 ,she should also know1 before answering the bell1 who is in and who is not at home1 and what excuse1 if any1 to make for each one called for4 ,servants should never be allowed to call any member of the family from a distance1 as from the foot of the stairs1 but should go to the one to whom she wishes to speak1 and deliver her message4 ,it is hard to say1 under all circumstances1 what to expect of a nursery governess1 and what should be her privileges4 ,to treat her with the greatest consideration is well worth while2 for one is compensated in being able to get an intelligent1 ladylike woman who may be trusted to guide her charges wisely4 ,one may ask a governess to sleep in the same room with the children1 dress and undress them1 eat with them1 and teach them1 and take the entire charge of them2 but1 of course1 one will provide some attractive place for her to sit during the evening1 while the children are asleep in her room4 ,it is also necessary to see that her meals are well cooked and carefully served1 and to permit her to be free one afternoon and evening every week4 ,she should be addressed as 8,miss ,smith10 not by her first name4 ,it is expedient to supervise the work of the general house-work servant as much as possible2 and if it is more convenient for her to go up the front stairs to announce callers1 and to go down them to answer the front door1 certainly allow her to use the front stairs instead of the back ones on occasions4 ,a waitress or parlor-maid is no more privileged to use the front stairs than a general house-work servant4 ,a nurse may be1 with propriety1 wherever her charges are allowed4 ,if a maid is expected to wear a cap1 it is usually furnished by the lady of the house4 ,it is good form to address the servants one knows when entering a house1 and to thank them for any attention4 ,it is unfortunate that the ,english system of feeing has come into vogue here4 ,but it is quite customary now1 for a guest1 after a visit1 even a short one1 to bestow upon a servant a small fee1 say1 of a dollar4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,funerals1 ,,mourning4 ,civility implies self-sacrifice2 it is the last touch1 the crowning perfection of a noble character4--,mathews4 ,,funerals4 ,at no place is a lack of system1 and an observance of formality1 more noticeable than at a funeral4 ,an undertaker generally has charge of the details1 and where he is well informed and has sufficient assistance1 he can manage affairs nicely1 but there is a great deal of unostentatious service that may be done by friends1 indeed1 must be4 ,they can assist the servants in arranging the house1 flowers1 etc41 before the funeral2 meet any who may call at the door2 and in every way stand between the afflicted family and the outside world4 ,of course none but intimate friends can be of service at such a time4 ,all others1 no matter how willing1 can but call at the door with offers of service1 and even that should not be carried far enough to appear intrusive4 ,at a house funeral the family remains upstairs1 or in a side room1 and is not seen4 ,the remains are in the drawing-room1 where they are usually viewed by those present when passing out4 ,the clergyman stands near the head of the casket1 if in so doing his voice can be well heard4 ,if there is singing1 it is usually done by a quartet or by a smaller number of persons1 who are seated at the head of the stairs out of sight and unaccompanied by any musical instrument4 ,those who are not going to the cemetery quietly disperse at the close of the service4 ,carriages are in waiting for the family1 and the cortege moves as soon after the close of the service as possible4 ,in the meantime the nurse 7if one still remains at the house71 or some friend1 with the assistance of the servants1 makes everything look as natural and pleasant as possible before the return of the family4 ,if visitors come in later1 of course it depends upon circumstances whether or not they should be admitted4 ,church funerals are more formal4 ,the congregation assembles1 and when the carriages containing the family arrive1 the organ plays softly1 and the procession enters1 the relatives walking close to the casket1 and sitting as near it as possible4 ,after the services the procession moves out in the same order1 and the people in the pews wait until is has passed on4 ,the crpe that is hung at the door-bell has often combined with it ribbon streamers1 those for the aged being black1 for a younger person purple1 and for a child white with white crpe also4 ,flowers should be sent to the bereaved1 in due time after the death1 in token of sympathy4 ,,mourning4 ,the putting on of mourning is a question that should be decided entirely by those most deeply concerned4 ,many families never follow the custom1 and even wear white instead of black on the day of the funeral1 while others seem to consider the wearing of crpe as a mark of respect shown to the dead4 ,to assume the expense such a change in clothing would entail1 may sometimes be placing a burden upon the living for the sake of the dead1 which certainly neither custom nor reason should demand4 ,then1 to many1 the wearing of crpe is so depressing that it is a sin against one's self to put it on4 ,none but narrow-minded1 uncultivated persons would ever think of criticising one for not doing so4 ,of course one would naturally feel like dressing in as subdued colors as possible1 if not in assuming half mourning 7black and white1 lavendar1 drab1 etc47 if not deep black or crpe4 ,when mourning is worn by a wife for a husband1 it is worn from one to two years1 at least4 ,the question of wearing mourning for one's betrothed must be decided by one's self1 for it is purely a personal question that the laws of etiquette do not govern4 ,when crpe is laid aside1 black-bordered paper and black-bordered cards are no longer proper4 ,while wearing all black on the street1 after crpe is laid aside1 one may wear1 with propriety1 all white in the house4 ,while in deep mourning one does not go into society4 ,all that mourning etiquette demands is that one acknowledge her calls with her visiting cards1 which should be sent in return for a call within two weeks after it is made1 and should go by hand rather than by mail4 ,one sends invitations to one's friends who are in mourning1 to show that they are not forgotten4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,politeness ,,of ,,young ,,children4 ,give a boy address and accomplishments1 and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes4--,ralph ,waldo ,emerson4 ,a mother once asked a clergyman when she should begin to educate her child1 then three years old4 8,madam10 was his reply1 8you have lost three years already40 ,as soon as the child can talk1 its lessons in politeness should begin4 ,among a child's first words should be 8please0 and 8thank you40 ,a child should never be allowed to leave the table1 after it is old enough to understand and to say it1 without asking to be excused4 ,a child should be taught to pass behind and not before one4 ,little boys should never be allowed to keep their hats on in the house4 ,children1 when very young1 should be taught to be generous and polite to their little visitors1 and1 if necessary1 to give up all of anything where half will not do4 ,children should be taught to 8take turns0 in playing games1 and that no one should monopolize the pleasantest part of a game4 ,children soon feel a pride in being little ladies and gentlemen1 rather than in being rude and impolite4 ,if mothers would impress upon their children's minds how stupid they appear when they stand staring at one without answering when addressed with 8good morning0 or a like salutation1 they would be anxious to know what to say1 and to say it4 ,children do not always know what to answer when addressed4 ,they ought to be taught1 so that they may feel no embarrassment4 ,when children inconvenience others1 they ought to be taught to say 8excuse me0 or 8beg pardon40 ,in the cars1 or in any public place1 a boy or a girl should always rise1 and give his or her place to an older person4 ,a child should always learn that it is both naughty and rude to contradict1 and to say 8what for0 and 8why10 when told to do anything4 ,a mother who is as careful of her child's moral nature and manners as of his physical nature1 will guard him from naughty and rude playmates as closely as she would from measles or whooping-cough4 ,a mother should never allow any disrespect in her children's manners toward herself1 nor toward any one older than they are4 ,they should be taught especially to reverence the aged4 ,habits of politeness and kindness to the poor are of great worth1 and easily formed in childhood4 ,virtue is born of good habits1 and the formation of habits may be said to constitute almost the whole work of education4 ,habits have been compared to handcuffs1 easily put on and difficult to rid one's self of4 ,those parents who regulate their lives in accordance with the commands of the ,bible1 find many verses which are of great assistance in teaching politeness to young children1 such as1 8,be ye courteous one to another10 8,be respectful to your elder10 8,do to others as ye would that they should do to you10 etc4 ,a child should be thoroughly trained with regard to table manners4 ,the well-bred child will not chew his food with his mouth half open1 talk with it in his mouth1 nor make any unnecessary noises in eating2 and he will handle his knife and fork properly4 ,children should be taught that it is very rude to look into drawers or boxes1 or1 in fact1 to meddle with or handle anything away from home that is not intended for them to play with4 ,children should be made to understand that they must not ask too many questions promiscuously1 such as1 8,where are you going80 8,what have you there80 etc4 ,a child should be taught never to tease a playmate's mother1 or to have its own mother teased by a playmate4 ,teasing should not be allowed4 ,children should never be allowed to say 8,i won't0 and 8,i will10 even to each other4 ,children should never be allowed to speak of an elder person by the last name without the proper prefix4 ,they should also be taught1 in addressing boys and girls1 say1 sixteen years of age1 to use the prefix1 as 8,miss0 or 8,mr410 before the given name2 thus 8,miss ,alice0 or 8,mr4 ,george40 ,in fact1 all people should observe this rule in addressing the young1 except in case the older person is very familiar with the younger1 or in case the latter is too young to be so addressed4 ,children are now taught to say1 8,yes1 mamma10 8,what1 mamma80 8,thank you1 mamma10 8,yes1 ,mrs4 ,allen10 8,what1 ,mrs4 ,allen80 etc41 in preference to 8,yes1 ma'am10 8,no1 ma'am10 etc4 ,children should be taught that it is rude to yawn without trying to suppress it1 or without concealing the mouth with the hand2 to whistle or hum in the presence of older persons2 or to make any monotonous noise with feet or hands1 beating time1 etc42 to play with napkin rings1 or any article at table during meal time2 to pick the teeth with the fingers2 to trim or clean one's nails outside one's room2 to lounge anywhere in the presence of company2 to place the elbows on the table1 or to lean upon it while eating2 to speak of absent persons by their first names1 when they would not so address them if they were present2 to acquire the habit of saying 8you know10 8says he10 8says she20 to use slang words2 to tattle2 to hide the mouth with the hand when speaking2 to point at anyone or anything with the finger2 to stare at persons2 to laugh at one's own stories or remarks2 to toss articles instead of handing them2 to leave the table with food in the mouth2 to take possession of a seat that belongs to another without instantly rising upon his return2 to leave anyone without saying 8good-by20 to interrupt any one in conversation2 to push2 to ridicule others2 to pass1 without speaking1 any one whom they know2 etc4 ,some young people are not as particular as they should be about certain articles of the toilet1 such as combs1 brushes1 etc4 ,one should always have such things for his own individual use4 ,it is exceedingly impolite to use any toilet article belonging to another4 ,it is ill-mannered to ask questions about affairs that do not concern one1 or to pry into the private affairs of one's friends4 ,to inquire the cost of articles indiscriminately1 is impudent4 ,if parents are not at home when visitors come in1 or are too busy to see them at once1 a child1 in the absence of a maid1 should politely show them in1 offer them a comfortable chair1 show them anything he thinks they will be interested in1 and make every effort to entertain them agreeably until such time as his parents can take his place4 ,he should then politely withdraw from the room4 ,children and young people should early learn not to monopolize the best light or the most desirable seat in the room1 but to look about when anyone enters1 whether a guest or an older member of their own family1 and see if by giving up their own place the new-comer may be made more comfortable4 ,a boy ought to show to his mother and sisters every attention he would show to any other woman4 ,should they chance to meet on the street he should politely raise his hat4 ,he should allow them to pass first through a door1 give them the inside of the walk1 help them into a carriage1 and everywhere and under all circumstances treat them with politeness and deference4 ,girls should of course treat their brothers in the same polite manner2 for they can hardly expect to receive attentions where they are unwilling to bestow them4 ,children1 especially little boys1 should be taught not to precede their mothers1 or any woman1 into theaters1 street cars1 churches1 elevators1 or into the house or even a room4 ,,school-,,room ,,etiquette4 8,good manners are the shadows of virtues1 if not virtues themselves40 ,if teachers realized the inestimable amount of good they might accomplish by giving a little time and thought to the manners of their pupils1 surely they would willingly give it4 ,those of their pupils who have no proper training at home would thus gain a knowledge which1 in after life1 would prove a blessing4 ,and such a course acted upon by the teacher would be of great assistance to the parents of those who are well trained at home2 for a large portion of a child's time is spent in school1 and under conditions that require such training4 ,teachers must treat their scholars politely if they expect polite treatment from them4 ,every teacher should see that no pupil is allowed to treat those of a lower station in life with disrespect4 ,it is a common occurrence for a teacher to speak with seeming disrespect of a pupil's parents1 blaming them for the pupil's lack of interest in school1 truancy1 etc4 ,such a course is highly reprehensible in the teacher1 and gains the pupil's ill-will4 ,it is better to assume that the parents would be displeased with anything wrong in the pupil1 and to appeal to the pupil for his mother's or father's sake4 ,a teacher should never allow herself or himself to be addressed by pupils as 8,teacher10 but as ,miss or ,mr4 ,smith4 ,if pupils would take pains to bid a teacher 8good-morning0 and 8good-night10 they would appear well in so doing1 and easily give pleasure to another4 ,the entire atmosphere of a school-room is dependent upon trifles4 ,where a teacher1 by her own actions and in accordance with her requirements1 insures kindness and politeness from all to all1 she may feel almost sure of the success of her school4 ,young misses ought to be addressed by the teacher as 8,miss ,julia10 8,miss ,annie40 ,young boys 7too young to be addressed as ,mr47 should be addressed as 8,master ,brown10 8,master ,jones10 etc4 ,teachers should use great discretion in reproving any unintentional rudeness1 especially on the part of those ignorant from lack of home training4 ,if such were reproved gently and privately1 it would be more efficacious and just4 ,no one should be allowed to appear to disadvantage from ignorance4 ,selfishness1 untruthfulness1 slang1 rowdyism1 egotism1 or any show of superiority should be corrected in the school-room4 ,young teachers hardly realize with what fear and dread mothers intrust to them their carefully reared children1 especially young ones4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,x4 ,,official ,,etiquette4 8,good fashion rests on realty1 and hates nothing so much as pretenders40--,emerson4 ,all presentations to foreign courts are made through the national representatives1 and from them is received all the information desired in reference to the necessary forms and ceremonies4 ,kings and queens are addressed as 8,your ,majesty40 ,the ,prince of ,wales1 the crown princes1 and all other princes and princesses are addressed as 8,your ,royal ,highness40 ,the ,president's 8levees0 at ,washington are open to all1 and are conducted very much as an ordinary 8reception40 ,as one enters1 an official announces him1 and he proceeds directly to the president and his lady1 and pays his respects4 ,the door of the ,white ,house may be said never to be closed1 and any one who desires may call upon its occupants as upon those of any other dwelling4 ,he may not1 however1 obtain a personal interview4 ,this1 to be secured1 he must seek in the company of an official or intimate friend of the president1 who will be able to judge of the claims for attention of a visitor4 ,no particular style of dress is required to make one's appearance at the ,republican ,court4 ,no refreshments are expected to be offered at a presidential reception4 ,custom does not require that the wife of the president of the ,united ,states should return official calls4 ,exception is made in the case of visiting ,royalty4 ,the wives of the foreign ambassadors should make the first call upon the wife of the vice-president1 as should the wives of the cabinet officials4 ,at a function given by officials of foreign governments at ,washington1 the wife of the secretary of state takes precedence over the wives of the foreign ambassadors4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,business ,,correspondence1 ,,applications1 ,,etc4 ,since custom is the principal magistrate of human life1 let men by all means endeavor to obtain good customs4--,lord ,bacon4 ,,correspondence4 ,,business ,,correspondence4 ,closely written postal cards and long letters meet with little favor among business men2 therefore it is important to make business correspondence as plain and brief as possible4 ,names of places and persons should be written very plainly4 ,when a letter is written in reply to another1 the date of the letter to which the reply is made should be given1 and it is an excellent plan1 and one that saves much time1 to give in a letter the substance of the one to which it is a reply4 ,this is especially desirable when accepting a special offer made in such letter1 thus3 ,mr4 ,a4 ,,flanagan1 ,chicago1 ,illinois4 ,dear ,sir3 ,your favor of ,feb4 #ae1 in which you offer us a discount of #cc-a_/c per cent4 on your books1 when purchased in lots of #ajj or more1 came duly4 ,we herewith enclose our check for three hundred dollars 7#cjj471 for which please ship us1 by freight the following3 #ajj copies of 8,words2 ,their ,use and ,abuse40 #ajj 8 8,getting on in the ,world40 #ajj 8 8,hours with ,men and ,books40 ,respectfully1 ,,geo4 ,w4 ,,jones ,,co4 ,boulder1 ,colo41 ,april #c1 #ahii4 ,griggsville1 ,ill4 ,,messrs4 ,,harper ,,brothers1 ,new ,york4 ,gentlemen3 ,enclosed is a post-office order for #c1 for which please send me ,harper's ,new ,monthly ,magazine for one year1 beginning with the ,may number4 ,respectfully1 7,,miss7 ,,sara ,,brown4 ,when writing a business letter1 a married woman should sign her name as she would sign it when writing any other letter2 that is1 by placing her first name and surname in the usual position of the signature1 and adding1 a little to the left-hand1 her name in full1 with the address1 thus3 ,st4 ,paul1 ,minn41 ,nov4 #ith1 #ahii4 ,,messrs4 ,,harper ,,brothers1 ,new ,york4 ,gentlemen3 ,please send me one copy of 8,how ,women ,should ,ride10 for which you will find enclosed one dollar and twenty-five cents 7#a4be74 ,respectfully1 ,,emma ,c4 ,,bowen4 ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,e4 ,,bowen1 #cbd ,dupont ,avenue4 ,when writing to a person or firm for information solely for one's own benefit1 a postal card or a stamped envelope should be enclosed for a reply4 ,it is a too common custom among people unacquainted with the rules of business1 when sending an order to one firm1 to enclose money to be paid another1 or with which to make small purchases in some other line1 to be sent in the package ordered from the firm with which the correspondence is held4 ,the proper way to do when one wishes to order goods from different houses in the same city1 and yet have all the goods shipped in the same package1 is to write an order to each firm requesting the goods to be delivered to the firm with which one does the most business1 having1 of course1 notified such firm of his action4 ,it has become so common among people to request everything 8by return mail0 that business men look upon such requests as a mere form1 rather than as an evidence of urgency4 ,if such urgency exists1 it is well to state the cause of it in a few words1 and request immediate attention to the order1 thus3 ,harvard1 ,ill41 ,nov4 #b1 #ahii4 ,,messrs4 ,a4 ,c4 ,,mcclurg ,,co41 ,chicago4 ,gentlemen3 ,i enclose herewith #b1 for which please send me a copy of ,longfellow's poetical works4 ,you will oblige me by sending the book by return mail1 as ,i wish to use it on the evening of the #dth inst4 ,respectfully1 ,,james ,,wells4 ,whoever writes a caustic letter makes a mistake2 for it will do no good1 even if there seems to be a cause for it1 and if the assumed cause proves to be simply a mistake the writer will be humiliated4 ,,letters ,,of ,,application4 ,it is sometimes difficult to write a letter of application1 because one must speak of himself and of his ability to fill the position sought1 and to do so without seeming egotistic4 ,if the applicant has had experience in work similar to that for which he applies1 a simple statement of the fact1 the length of time engaged in such work1 the reason for quitting his last position1 and the name and address of his former employer1 should form the substance of his letter4 ,if he has had no experience1 he should state what advantages he has had to qualify himself for the work1 and not boast that he could soon and easily learn to do it4 ,the following will exemplify the points3 #abd ,la ,salle ,st41 ,chicago1 ,sept4 #bd1 #ahii4 ,,messrs4 ,a4 ,g4 ,,baker ,,co41 ,kirkwood1 ,ohio4 ,gentlemen3 ,i am informed by a friend1 ,mr4 ,c4 ,a4 ,brooks1 of your village1 that you are in want of a book-keeper1 and ,i desire to make application for the position4 ,i am a young man1 but have had several years experience in keeping books4 ,i am now in charge of the books of ,messrs4 ,jones ,williams1 of this city1 to whom ,i can refer you for information as to my ability and character4 ,i desire to go to the country1 and should be glad to work for you1 if you can pay me #gj per month1 which is my present salary4 ,very respectfully1 ,t4 ,r4 ,,miller4 ,salem1 ,wis41 ,may #ae1 #ahii4 ,,messrs4 ,,clark ,,williams1 #ajg ,state ,street1 ,chicago4 ,gentlemen3 ,i am informed that your shipping clerk is soon to leave1 and that the position now held by him will be vacant4 ,i desire to apply for the same1 but ,i am sorry to state that ,i have not had any experience in this particular line of work2 however1 ,i have been a general clerk in a village store1 and am familiar with simple book-keeping1 which would probably enable me to learn the work of a shipping clerk in a reasonable length of time4 ,in case you should wish to engage me on trial1 ,i would gladly assist1 without compensation1 your present clerk until the end of his engagement1 which1 ,i understand1 is about three weeks from date4 ,my present employer is ,mr4 ,g4 ,w4 ,webster1 of this place1 and he will doubtless answer any inquiries concerning my work that you may address him4 ,respectfully1 ,,geo4 ,e4 ,,johnson4 ,such letters should always contain a stamp for a reply4 ,the stamp is attached by its corner or by a pin to the head of the letter4 ,great precaution should always be taken not to send a letter with insufficient postage on it2 for the additional postage is collected from the person to whom the letter is sent1 and many business men look upon such neglect as inexcusable1 if they do not consider it dishonest1 inasmuch as it compels others to pay what the writer should have known it was his duty to pay4 ,an application for a position as teacher in a public school is often very difficult to write1 because it is necessary to say much1 and to say it1 in some cases1 to men who are not thoroughly familiar with business principles4 ,before giving any forms1 some suggestions which experience has taught may be of great importance4 ,the handwriting should be natural4 ,if one has a degree1 he should not sign his name with it1 but state in his letter that he is a graduate1 naming the institution from which he was graduated4 ,all boasting should be avoided4 ,one should not ask a reply by return mail1 but he might enclose a postal card or a stamp with a request to be informed when the board meets to consider applications4 ,one ought not to name as references persons who know nothing about his work2 for although they may1 if consulted1 endeavor to praise him1 they will show their ignorance of what he has done1 and the board will naturally assume that he has no better references4 ,as a rule it is not advisable to give testimonials from ministers or from county superintendents1 unless the writers can say that they are familiar with the teacher's work1 and have visited his school4 ,very old testimonials should not be placed before a board4 ,indeed1 it is doubtful whether any testimonial1 unless it comes from a competent judge1 is of value4 ,if boards would consult one's references1 or seek information from outside sources1 it would be only just to all concerned2 but as they will not often do this1 it is wise to send copies of two or three1 generally not more1 good testimonials1 and to have one or two of the applicant's friends write the board in his behalf4 ,a letter of application1 especially if for the position of superintendent or that of principal1 should be full and explicit1 specifying the opportunities the writer has had to prepare himself for the position1 rather than stating that he has done so-and-so1 for in the latter case it might seem like boasting4 ,sometimes a short letter1 unless circumstances demand a long one1 will be most favorably received by a board4 ,the writer once knew a very important position to be obtained by a correspondence about as follows 7names of places1 dates1 etc41 are omitted73 ,,to ,,the ,,honorable ,,board ,,of ,,education4 ,gentlemen3 ,i learn through a friend in your county1 that the position of superintendent of your school is vacant4 ,if the position has not been filled1 ,i desire to make application for the same4 ,i am a graduate of --------1 and have taught three years4 ,i am now principal of the -------- schools1 but desire to teach in your ,state1 as my home is there4 ,respectfully1 ------------------ ,a stamp was enclosed for a reply4 ,the secretary of the board at once wrote asking for references and stating the salary paid4 ,the applicant replied that he did not wish the position at the salary named1 and thanked the secretary for the trouble he had been given4 ,had the applicant written a long letter1 setting forth the value of his services1 and urging the board to raise the salary1 it is not probable that a reply would have been received by him4 ,the simple statement that he did not want the position at the salary named1 was evidence to the board that he considered his services worth more1 and1 moreover1 that he had confidence that he would command more4 ,the secretary replied to the last short note1 asking for references and at what salary he would accept the position4 ,the information was given1 and in a few days the applicant was requested to meet the board with the assurance that the position would be given him if the interview proved satisfactory1 which it did4 ,afterwards the applicant was informed by the president of the board that his short business-like letters1 written in an almost illegible but natural hand1 obtained for him the place over nearly one hundred applicants1 many of whom were college graduates of long experience in teaching1 and who had basketfuls of testimonials1 but not one of whom had written even a fairly good letter of application4 ,many cities and towns have stated public examinations1 which applicants must attend before they can be employed4 ,the impression of character and of qualification produced by a personal interview is deemed so important that even minor appointments are scarcely given to any one not personally known to one of the school board1 or to some one in whose professional judgment they have great confidence4 ,preliminary inquiries about positions are most profitably made through acquaintances1 who can advise one whether to take any further steps4 ,one might write as follows3 ,chicago1 ,ill41 ,nov4 #c1 #ahii4 ,my ,dear ,friend3 ,may ,i trouble you to ascertain whether there is any vacancy in the schools at ,elgin1 to which ,i would have any prospect of an appointment8 ,you will confer a great favor upon me if you will ask the superintendent1 and let me know soon what he says4 ,you can say to him that after ,i finished the high school course at ,racine1 ,i taught a term in a district school in ,racine ,county1 ,wis41 and was one year in charge of a primary department at ,woodstock1 and that ,i had charge of the grammar department at the latter place last year4 ,you know something of the work ,i have done1 and ,i can furnish testimonials from the school officers where ,i have taught4 ,yours very truly1 ,,emma ,c4 ,,bowen4 ,if a favorable answer is received1 something like the following form may be used1 which is also a form suitable to make application where one is already acquainted1 and where formal applications are expected4 ,chicago1 ,ill41 ,jan4 #aj1 #ahii4 ,,mr4 ,c4 ,e4 ,,ryan1 ,supt4 of ,public ,schools1 ,elgin1 ,ill4 ,dear ,sir3 ,i desire to obtain a position in the schools of your city4 ,i enclose a letter from ,mr4 ,henry ,jones1 a director of ,woodstock1 where ,i last taught2 and ,i refer you to ,mrs4 ,mary ,smith1 of ,elgin4 ,i prefer the intermediate work1 but would not object to any position that ,i may be able to fill4 ,i completed the course in the ,racine ,high ,school1 and have taught a little more than two years1 first in a country school1 then in a primary school a year at ,woodstock1 where ,i afterward had charge of the grammar room for a year4 ,please inform me when and by whom candidates are examined1 as well as what vacancies there are1 and be kind enough to make any suggestions that you think will be helpful to me4 ,very respectfully1 7,miss7 ,,emma ,c4 ,,bowen4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,general ,,hints4 ,we remain shackled by timidity till we have learned to speak and act with propriety4--,samuel ,johnson4 ,a man raises his hat when walking with another1 not only to his own acquaintances1 but to those persons who bow to his companion1 whether he is acquainted with them or not4 ,if a man meets a woman in a hotel corridor or hall he should step aside1 allowing her to pass1 and raising his hat4 ,if in a public place a man hands a woman anything she has dropped1 he should raise his hat when offering it to her4 ,a well-bred man raises his hat after passing the fare of a woman in a car or coach4 ,this does not mean that he has any desire to become acquainted with her1 but it is his tribute to her sex4 ,slight inaccuracies in statements should not be corrected in the presence of others4 ,one should give her children1 unless married1 their ,christian names only1 or say 8my daughter0 or 8my son10 in speaking of them to anyone excepting servants4 ,men remove their hats when in elevators in the presence of women4 ,men having occasion to pass before women seated in lecture and concert rooms1 and all other places1 should 8beg pardon10 and pass with their faces1 and not their backs1 toward them4 ,in going up or down stairs1 a man precedes a woman or walks by her side4 ,to indulge in ridicule of another1 whether the subject be present or absent1 is to descend below the level of gentlemanly propriety4 ,a reverence for religious observances and religious opinions is a distinguishing trait of a refined mind4 ,religious topics should be avoided in conversation1 except where all are prepared to concur in a respectful treatment of the subject4 ,in mixed societies the subject should never be introduced4 ,frequent consultation of the watch or time-piece is impolite1 either when at home or abroad4 ,if at home1 it appears as if one were tired of the company and wished them to be gone2 if abroad1 as if the hours dragged heavily1 and one were calculating how soon he would be released4 ,it is very unbecoming to exhibit petulance or angry feeling1 though it is indulged in largely in almost every circle4 ,the true gentleman does not suffer his countenance to be easily ruffled4 ,the right of privacy is sacred1 and should always be respected4 ,it is exceedingly improper to enter a private room without knocking4 ,no relation1 however intimate1 will justify an abrupt intrusion upon a private apartment4 ,likewise the trunk1 boxes1 packets1 papers1 or letters of any individual1 locked or unlocked1 sealed or unsealed1 are sacred4 ,it is ill-mannered even to open a book-case1 or to read a written paper lying open1 without permission1 expressed or implied4 ,members of the same family should never differ with each other in public4 ,one should never appear to be thinking of his own personal rights to the resenting of a little slight1 whether real or imaginary4 ,in small communities where near neighbors1 for convenience's sake1 borrow back and forth1 great care should be taken that the practice does not become a nuisance1 as it surely does when it is indulged in too frequently1 and when borrowed articles are not speedily returned and in good condition4 ,there should be no stinted measures in returning4 ,ostentation is snobbish1 as is all too great profusion4 ,to affect not to remember a person is despicable1 and reflects only on the pretender4 ,some conceited or ill-bred people imagine they make themselves important and powerful by being rude and insulting4 ,one is judged1 to a great extent1 by the character of his associates4 ,one should be very careful how he asks for the loan of a book4 ,if interest is shown in one1 its owner will offer it for perusal if willing to lend it4 ,when reading a borrowed book1 one should take the best of care of it1 and return it as soon as possible4 ,no real lady or gentlemen will leave finger prints upon its pages1 or turn down its leaves in place of a book-mark1 or scribble in it with a pencil1 or loan it to a third person without the knowledge and consent of the owner4 ,a lack of reverence in one in the house of ,god1 implies low parentage1 or a coarse nature that is not subject to refinement4 ,to whisper and laugh during any public entertainment proclaims one's ill-breeding1 and invades the rights of others4 ,one ought never to leave the house after the evening's entertainment without bidding the hostess good-night1 and acknowledging the pleasure the evening has afforded him4 ,the business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good address4 ,it is only those persons and families whose position is not a secure one1 that are afraid to be seen outside their own social circle4 ,one should never reprove servants or children before strangers4 ,a true lady will not betray her astonishment at any violation of conventional rules1 least of all will she make it her province to punish those who may make any such violation4 ,if one1 on meeting another1 fails to recall the name1 he should frankly say so4 ,one should never recall himself to the recollection of a casual acquaintance without at the same time mentioning his name4 ,in a flat-house a man should take his hat and coat into the apartment where he is going to call1 and not leave them in the hall on the first floor4 ,it is very bad taste1 even in quite a large party1 for young girls to visit a man at his office4 ,it is perfectly good form for a mother to invite to a little child's party children whose parents she does not know1 or who have not yet called upon her4 ,the invitations go out in the child's name and to the child's friends4 ,it is extremely rude and ill-bred1 when at a boarding-house or hotel table1 to criticise the food that is served4 ,the fact that it is paid for makes it none the less an evidence of bad manners4 ,people who are not satisfied where they are boarding should always leave2 they have no right to make others uncomfortable by their lack of good-breeding4 ,women of good-breeding do not permit themselves to 8overlook0 those to whom courtesies are due4 ,a man should learn to put his coat on in a public place of entertainment so that he will not require assistance from the woman who is with him4 ,the young woman to whom a seat is offered should take it1 unless her companion is an older woman1 when it would be quite proper to extend the courtesy to her4 ,it is very bad taste1 even for a frolic1 for a young girl to assume boy's clothes1 or get herself up in any way that will tend to make herself look masculine4 ,there is no impropriety in giving to those men friends with whom one is well acquainted1 some trifling souvenir at ,christmas or ,easter1 or on birthdays4 ,it is customary for a young man to send a young woman only such gifts as flowers1 candy1 and books2 and as these presents are sent merely as a slight return for her hospitality and invitations to her house1 etc41 it is not necessary for her to send him any gift in return4 ,if1 however1 a young woman and man are on intimate enough terms to exchange presents1 she may send him any small article for the desk or toilet2 such as a silver-handled whisk broom1 court-plaster case1 pen-wiper1 paper-cutter1 or books1 which are a good present and always acceptable to any one4 ,nothing looks more ill-bred than to see a young man1 under his parents' roof1 devoting himself during a whole evening entirely to one young woman to the ignoring of the others4 ,a man who is escorting two women in the street should not walk between them1 but on the outside of both near the curb2 at the theater or at any place of amusement or at church1 he should sit nearest to the aisle1 at the side of one of them4 ,unless there is some good reason why she needs his support1 a man seldom offers his arm to a woman he escorts1 even in the evening4 ,a husband may offer his arm to his wife1 of course1 and a man may proffer this help to an invalid or aged person4 ,a little delicate perfume may be used with propriety1 but a heavy perfume1 and one that scents the entire room in which the person who uses it happens to be1 is in very bad form4 ,in opening a door from the hall to the drawing-room1 a man should hold it while a woman precedes him in entering4 ,when one's pardon is asked for some slight inattention1 an inclination of the head and a smile is the best answer4 ,the words 8gentleman friend0 and 8lady friend0 have been so vulgarized that most well-bred women now say 8man friend0 or 8woman friend10 it being taken for granted that they number among their friends only ladies and gentlemen4 ,custom never condones liberties1 no matter how slight1 between young men and women4 ,when a woman is visiting1 any acquaintance who should call upon her should also ask for her hostess1 and if she is absent leave a card for her4 ,it is considered very bad taste for a young girl to address a man with whom her acquaintance is but slight by his ,christian name4 ,no young man has any right to spend the entire afternoon and evening every ,sunday at one particular house1 to the annoyance of an entire family1 who do not like to make him conscious of the fact that they consider him a bore4 ,when a young man is paying a visit1 and the older members of the family are in the room1 he should1 in leaving1 bid them good-night first1 and afterward say his farewell to the young girl on whom he has called4 ,it is in bad taste for her to go any further than the parlor door with him4 ,even if a correspondence is of a 8purely friendly character10 it should not exist between a married woman and a young man1 or between a married man and a young woman4 ,it is not good taste to ask one's men friends to buy tickets for charity affairs4 ,they do not like to refuse1 and very often1 though the sum required may be small1 they cannot afford it4 ,there is very great harm in young girls meeting young men in secret2 the men will have no respect for the girls1 and nothing but mortification for the girls will be the result4 ,it is quite proper to thank any public servant1 such as a railroad conductor1 for any information he may give1 but it is not necessary to be effusive about it4 ,it is not in good taste1 nor even proper1 for young women to go alone to a hotel to dine with a man4 ,when a girl is young and pretty1 a ,platonic friendship is very difficult to keep up4 ,when a man friend has driven a woman in town to go to church he should take her direct to the church and leave her there while he drives where his carriage and horses are to wait until after the service4 ,of course he would walk to church and join her there4 ,it is not in good taste for different members of a party to go off in pairs1 and spend the evening alone on the seashore4 ,it is not wise for a young woman and young man living in the same city to correspond4 ,if meeting each other often they ought to be able to say all that is necessary4 ,one has no right whatever to read a postal card addressed to another without permission4 ,the very minute the married man begins to tell of his wife's faults1 the time has come to cut his acquaintance4 ,it is more than wrong for a young girl to receive visits from a married man4 ,in entering any public place a woman should precede a man1 but going down the aisle1 the usher1 of course1 would precede her4 ,a hostess stands to receive her visitors1 but she does not advance to meet them unless the visitor should be some one quite old or of such importance that the visit is of great honor4 ,the hostess extends her hand to the men who call1 as well as to the women4 ,a woman is not supposed to recognize a man who is one of a group standing in a public place1 since a modest girl will not look close enough at a group of men to recognize an acquaintance4 ,no matter how well a woman may know a man1 it would be in very bad form to send him an invitation which does not include his wife1 unless it should be at some affair at which only men are to be present4 ,a man should show as much courtesy to a woman in his employ as he does to the women he meets in social life4 ,it is not in good taste to visit at the home of one's betrothed1 unless a personal invitation is received from his mother4 ,two women may attend1 with perfect propriety1 a place of amusement without an escort4 ,they should be1 however1 under such circumstances1 exceptionally quiet in their manners and their dress4 ,in escorting a young woman home1 a man should go up the steps with her1 wait until the door is opened1 and1 as she enters the house1 raise his hat and say good-night4 ,if a young girl were very ill1 there would be no impropriety in her mother bringing her betrothed to see her1 although1 of course1 she would remain in the room during his visit4 ,it is always proper and courteous for a person in church to share either prayer-book or hymnal with anyone who may be without either4 ,there is no impropriety in a woman's permitting a man friend to assist her in putting on her over-shoes4 ,if one approves of the acting or the sentiment of the play1 there is no impropriety in expressing gentle applause1 but a loud clapping of the hands is decidedly vulgar4 ,one should never prevent people from leaving his house when they desire4 ,that is not hospitality4 ,it is tyranny2 it is taking a mean advantage of their unwillingness to offend4 ,if a women lives in a boarding house and has only one room1 it would be very bad taste to receive any man visitor there4 ,even if it is not quite so agreeable1 they should be received in the public parlor4 ,when a man and woman approach a hostess together1 the hostess should shake hands with the woman first4 ,when a man calls on a woman1 he shakes hands with her on his arrival2 but1 unless he is very intimate in the house1 a simple bow is sufficient when he leaves4 ,an unmarried woman writing her name in a hotel register should prefix it with 8,miss0 in parentheses4 ,when a man friend has taken a lady to a concert1 she should thank him for his kindness in having given her a pleasant evening4 ,it is not advisable for a girl to deliberately 8cut0 any man4 ,if she wishes to discontinue her acquaintance with a man whom she cannot respect1 it may be done gradually1 at first by the coolest of greetings2 then1 by a look in the other direction2 and in time all recognition will cease4 ,if a stranger takes occasion to be polite to one during a street-car accident1 all that is necessary is a polite 8thank you40 ,when a man who is to escort a girl to an entertainment calls for her at her own home1 it is proper for her to appear with her wraps on1 and be ready to start at once4 ,if a man is courteous enough to open the door of a store or any public building for a woman1 she should thank him4 ,if a girl of sixteen goes to an evening affair1 her mother should arrange to have either a servant or a member of the family go after her to bring her home4 ,if the hostess opens the door for a man caller1 she should precede him in entering the parlor4 ,after having taken a meal or having received any other kind of entertainment at a private house1 before leaving a guest should express his thanks1 or1 rather his enjoyment1 of the same to the hostess4 ,this courtesy from a young man or girl is very acceptable to elderly ladies4 ,queen ,victoria has forgiven certain breaches of etiquette made in ignorance1 and left her guest to discover the mistake at another time4 ,it is a reprehensible host indeed who does otherwise1 and so makes a guest uncomfortable4 ,etiquette is all wrong and false when it makes one forget the higher laws of courtesy or hospitality4 ,illustration 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,obvious punctuation errors repaired4 ,page #e1 repeated word 8to0 removed from text 7cares not to be seen7 ,page #g1 8introducd0 changed to 8introduced0 7are introduced to each7 ,page #ae1 8,,bnown0 changed to 8,,brown0 7,,miss ,,anna ,,brown7 ,page #ai1 8furture0 changed to 8future0 7one's future home is7 ,page #bj1 8seen0 changed to 8seem0 7in her power to seem7 ,page #cb1 8amd0 changed to 8and0 7,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,charles7 ,page #dc1 8distrub0 changed to 8disturb0 7to disturb a hostess7 ,page #dh1 repeated word 8the0 removed from text 7tables after the playing7 ,page #ec1 repeated word 8be0 removed from text 7should be issued on7 ,page #ed1 8mach0 changed to 8mch0 7papier mch7 ,page #gd1 8,britian0 changed to 8,britain0 7,great ,britain it is perfectly7 ,page #hc1 8wating0 changed to 8waiting0 7in waiting for the cups7 ,page #he1 8consumme0 changed to 8consomm0 7bouillon or consomm7 ,page #he1 8befor0 changed to 8before0 7upon the table before7 ,page #if1 8intellegent0 changed to 8intelligent0 7an intelligent1 ladylike woman7 ,page #ih1 8noticable0 changed to 8noticeable0 7formality1 more noticeable7 ,page #ajj1 8couse0 changed to 8course0 7,of course one would7 ,page #ajd1 8other0 changed to 8others0 7to others as ye would7 ,page #aac1 8humam0 changed to 8human0 7of human life1 let7 ,page #aaf1 8humilated0 changed to 8humiliated0 7writer will be humiliated7 ,page #aba1 8ean0 changed to 8can0 7who can advise one7 ,page #abd1 8,,xii0 changed to 8,,xi0 7,,chapter ,,xi7 ,page #abf1 8justisy0 changed to 8justify0 7will justify an abrupt7 ,page #aca1 8christian0 changed to 8,christian0 7by his ,christian name7 ,page #acd1 8enteres0 changed to 8enters0 7and1 as she enters the7 ,page #acf1 8diliberately0 changed to 8deliberately0 7a girl to deliberately7