,transcriber's ,note ,in this text version of 8,beaver03 words in italics are marked with underscores1 words in bold are marked with equals signs1 words in small capitals are shown in ,,upper ,,case1 handwritten words are marked with plus signs1 and crossed out words are marked with 99asterisks994 ,each illustration of a beard originally faced the beard's description4 ,these have been moved to follow the title of the type of beard4 ,footnotes have been moved to the end of the paragraph to which they refer4 ,variant spelling and inconsistent hyphenation are retained4 ,minor changes have been made to make punctuation consistent4 ,with respectful affection to the illustrious memory of ,,shagpat1 the son of ,,shimpoor1 the son of ,,shoolpi1 the son of ,,shullum4 ,,beaver ,,by ,,john ,,kettelwell ,an ,alphabet of typical ,specimens1 together with ,notes and a terminal ,essay on the ,manners and ,customs of ,beavering ,men ,,london3 ,t4 ,,werner ,,laurie1 ,,ltd4 #cj1 ,,new ,,bridge ,,street1 ,e4,c4 #d ,a4 ,,is ,,an ,,admiral-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,admiral-,beaver ,the specimen mounted is typical and the coat is good1 harsh and not silky1 a common fault in these rough-haired examples4 ,an ,admiral-,king-,beaver is unthinkable 444 8derogation of ,god's honour10 etc4 ,though the sport is deservedly popular in the ,service1 it is attended by infinite risk should the specimen be of higher rank than the players4 ,k4 ,r4 and ,a4 ,i4 contain no definite ruling as to the legality or otherwise of the game1 but a ,court-,martial would probably trip an unlucky player on 8conduct to the prejudice10 etc4 ,in civil life 7and plain clothes7 it is most unusual to be able to score these specimens1 hence the different values of ,rear-,admirals1 ,vice-,admirals1 etc41 is not given1 nor those of the various branches of the ,service1 ,executive1 ,engineer1 and the like4 ,b4 ,,is ,a ,,bald-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,bald-,king-,beaver ,that depicted is a magnificent specimen in full winter-coat4 ,they are not common1 but occur frequently--the apparent paradox is explained by the fact that they are usually of an extremely retiring nature1 and reside by choice in coigns and nooks4 ,for a specimen such as that mounted game should be claimed and nothing under three points accepted2 rather call off the match and communicate with the ,association4 ,in scoring really fine specimens in full winter-coat extra points can1 and should be1 claimed for purity of tint1 bushiness1 etc4 ,c4 ,,is ,a ,,centaur-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,centaur-,king-,beaver ,there is no record of a specimen being scored4 ,probably the last person to do so may have been ,jason4 ,the best authorities assume this1 adducing as contributory evidence his later1 passionate quest of the ,golden ,fleece4 ,ourselves we regard it as more likely that ,chiron was never scored1 ,jason being held back by the natural delicacy of one in statu pupillari4 ,in fact1 ,chiron was1 almost certainly1 a 8local double-fault40 ,d4 ,,is ,a ,,double-,,fault4 ,illustration3 ,double-,fault ,this question is dealt with in the terminal essay4 ,the specimen is a good one1 and no player who is deceived by a growth of this kind need feel the smallest depression4 ,it is the kind of thing that might happen to anyone4 ,a young specimen1 darker than dark brindle1 has1 ,i believe1 never been scored4 ,e4 ,,is ,,an ,,ecclesiastical-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,ecclesiastical-,king-,beaver ,rare in general1 there are frequently to be found in ,cathedral cities large coveys1 not very strong on the wing4 ,local rules should be consulted as to the scoring4 ,fine specimens count at least three points4 ,i myself1 recently1 claimed an ,ecclesiastical-,king1 in a country town1 and was awarded two games for it2 a well-known local rarity of which the place is justly proud4 ,it was a superb specimen1 in good coat1 a darkish brindle1 and in official robes4 ,f4 ,,is ,a ,,fringed-,,georgic-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,fringed-,georgic-,beaver ,the species is less common than formerly4 ,some purists refuse to score these ,fringed-,georgics on the plea that the upper lip is bare and the chin partially bare and that they are1 therefore1 double-faults4 ,the general ruling is that as the adornment circumnavigates the face the chin is not bare1 the bareness of the upper lip is immaterial and the specimen should be scored2 one point in the country1 three points in ,london4 ,g4 ,,is ,a ,,gallic-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration ,gallic-,king-,beaver ,the game is almost unplayable in ,france4 ,owing to the superabundance of specimens only rarities should be scored4 ,a report has just been received from ,cap ,d',antibes of a 8magnificent ,wasp-,waisted-,king40 ,game was called4 ,no information was sent 7correspondents are deplorably slack7 as to colour or coat4 ,good players1 in ,france1 lay great stress on minute differences in colour and characteristic1 i4e41 crimped1 curled1 waved1 rat-tail1 wuzzy1 wild-garden1 etc4 ,h4 ,,is ,a ,,half-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,half-,beaver ,these delightful specimens are now1 unhappily1 becoming very rare4 ,they are still occasionally scored in the neighbourhood of places of worship and on the seashore4 ,some claim increased points in ratio to the length of the upper lip4 ,the specimen mounted 7,stockton-on-,tees1 #aiai71 is a fine one1 exhibiting all the marked features of the genus1 including a most gratifying labial expanse4 ,i4 ,,is ,,an ,,imperial-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,imperial-,beaver ,not common in ,england2 when scored in this country are almost invariably migrants4 ,these amusing specimens are1 curiously enough1 commoner in winter-coat than in ordinary plumage4 ,there are no tricks about scoring an ,imperial4 ,any specimen with moustache and a growth beneath the lower lip1 of which the parent area does not extend to the lower edge of the chin1 is an ,imperial4 ,score three points for a ,full-,black2 one point for a ,white4 ,j4 ,,is ,a ,,joo ,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,joo ,beaver ,these exotics are fairly common1 and local sportsmen can be relied upon to flush a few on short notice1 provided that they are allowed to choose the beat4 ,in many ways curiously attractive1 the charm of the species is marred by the frequent lack of neatness of plumage2 as a race they incline to landscape-gardening with their hirsuteness4 ,carefully note their musical cry of 8,oy-,yoy 444 ,oy ,yoy40 ,a specimen in full song1 when the moon is full1 counts game4 ,some experts have a very nice scale--by which they score--of the curvilinear bill4 ,this is a pretty point and a pleasant raffinement1 but too subtle for the ordinary week-end player4 ,of course any unusually fine frontal curve should be claimed and scored as a rarity4 ,k4 ,,is ,a ,,killingworth-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,killingworth-,beaver ,this specimen is mounted for instructional purposes only4 ,connoisseurs and collectors are1 of course1 entirely au fait with the deliciousness of this gorgeous creature4 ,george ,killingworth1 in the year #aeee1 was sent to the court of ,ivan the ,terrible 7one of the many monarchs who have1 from time to time1 taxed ,beavers7 as the agent of ,queen ,mary4 ,his beard was five feet two inches in length and it was yellow4 ,he was without doubt the most flawless specimen of a ,yellow-,king ever seen4 ,it is considered in the highest degree unlikely that anything approaching this efflorescence will be noted nowadays1 hence no score is suggested4 ,l4 ,,is ,a ,,licked-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,licked-,beaver ,it is worthy of remark in passing that this distinguishing title is due to the genius of a child--8trailing clouds10 etc4--who1 on observing the first specimen ever scored1 cried1 8,oh1 look2 he's licked it40 ,the species is very rare4 ,off-shoots of the old stock1 in the form of ,semi-,walruses1 are occasionally observed1 but the ,licked-,beaver is generally regarded as almost extinct4 ,possibly the cause of this diminution1 if not extinction1 may be the increase in the cost of living4 ,the specimen mounted is a very fine one4 ,should a player have the good fortune to score a ,licked-,beaver1 let him remember that it is the density of the licking1 the spear-form1 the sharpness1 that should be regarded rather than the length of the portion licked4 ,m4 ,,is ,a ,,mandarin-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,mandarin-,beaver ,even in plain clothes should score two games if seen in ,england4 ,there is no ruling as to the points to be scored if observed in this country in full plumage4 ,this specimen is often wrongly catalogued in books of reference as a ,mandarin-,king-,beaver4 ,royalty or ,kinghood is impossible for a species which supports a very notable gap between its central adornment and the maxillary-fringes4 ,the specimen mounted is1 so to say1 traditional1 that is1 it is a transcript of an early-nineteenth century ,chinese brush-drawing on silk in ,chinese ink representing a hero1 or as we should say1 a ,beaver4 ,n4 ,,is ,a ,,nanny-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,nanny-,beaver ,really good specimens are very rare4 ,they are reported to flourish in the ,eastern farming states of the ,united ,states of ,america1 but ,british research is lamentably behindhand1 and our exact knowledge is quite fragmentary4 ,in any case there is one simple rule for the guidance of the amateur2 no ,nanny-,beaver can be claimed or scored of which the adornment does not depend a full two inches from the under-surface of the chin4 ,o4 ,,is ,,an ,,oriental-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,oriental-,beaver ,these strangely beautiful specimens are rarely seen in this cold country4 ,those who have had the privilege of observing closely a gaggle of ,orientals in indigenous plumage 7the species is pathetically subject to local changes7 will1 assuredly1 ever prize the recollection4 ,the most noteworthy feature1 apart from the extraordinarily fine quality of coat 7glossiness1 sheen1 etc471 is the exotic parting which lends a wistful charm to the otherwise opulent glories of these occasional visitors4 ,score always two games 7in ,england72 set1 if the specimen is in indigenous plumage4 ,p4 ,,is ,a ,,parti-,,colour-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,parti-,colour-,beaver ,these specimens are curiously attractive and are more often scored than one would think4 ,artists1 above all others1 wax well-nigh lyrical over the beauties of a well-defined ,parti-,colour1 one1 that is1 in which there is almost no shading1 the black being black and the white1 white4 ,the same colouration is observed in the pelt of the ,colobus monkey and justly admired4 ,it is not possible to distinguish between natural and artificial ,parti-,colours1 unless one should happen to be a relative of the specimen4 ,all ,parti-,colours are1 therefore1 scored4 7,two points47 ,q4 ,,is ,a ,,queen-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,queen-,beaver ,it has been objected that it is not gallant to score these undoubted rarities4 ,theoretically it is1 certainly1 not pretty conduct1 but1 on the other hand1 all is fair in love and war1 and 444 has any man ever refused to shoot a rhinoceros on the plea that it was a female8 7,i merely ask 444 someone may have done so4 ,there may even be a close time for doe-rhinoes47 ,be that as it may1 the scoring of ,queens is an affair of lineage4 ,regard this eighteenth century distich3-- 8,here is a ,pink-,queen1 very rare1 ,remember to count the sixteenth hair40#a ,queens are always scored extravagantly4 ,usually game2 extra-rarities two games1 and so on4 ,the ,pink-,queen is1 without doubt1 the rarest of her kind2 conversely1 when found1 she is usually a superb specimen1 in rich coat4 ,the question of ,queens is dealt with broadly in the terminal essay4 ,footnote #a3 ,queens cannot be scored unless they have more than fifteen hairs4 ,r4 ,,is ,a ,,red-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,red-,king-,beaver ,i feel a very natural emotion on commenting on the sublime specimen of the ,red-,king1 the ultimate hope of every keen collector1 which is portrayed on the opposite page4 ,observed outside 8,the ,goose and ,gridiron10 in ,slogsby-under-,hill1 this noble creature deprived both my companion 7an ex-local champion7 and myself of speech for three minutes4 ,had he been carrying a ladder 7the ne-plus-ultra of ,beaverhood7 we had never recovered from the glory of the revelation4 ,red-,kings score 8,game1 set1 match40 ,a ,red-,king on a green bicycle1 carrying a lanthorn 7or lantern71 scores do4 do4 8,local ,championship40 ,a ,red-,king on a green bicycle carrying a ladder 7poor old ,pelion67 has never1 alas6 been reported up to the present4 ,there are dreams of scoring a ,red-,king1 complete with fitments1 on a ,high ,bicycle 444 all things are possible1 even a ravishment such as that4 ,s4 ,,is ,a ,,santa-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,santa-,beaver ,these are usually scored1 though your conscientious expert demurs at so doing1 as it has been held--and the view is well supported by players of repute--that they are strictly-speaking ,double-,faults1 the adornment being temporary4 ,the genuine ,santa-,king-,beaver1 complete with reindeer1 sleigh and business with chimney1 has never1 ,i believe1 been scored4 ,claim a game if you1 a stranger adult1 score one4 ,t4 ,,is ,a ,,tufted-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,tufted-,king-,beaver ,it may1 perhaps1 be thought that this is a fanciful1 a pernickety differentiation--such are to be deplored--but there is a very distinct species of ,beaver--,king or ordinary--having these marked characteristics1 and the best players invariably claim a ,tufted1 and two points1 if they have the luck to espy a specimen such as that depicted4 ,the points to look for are the three patches of foliage in centre forehead and over either ear4 ,the chin-growth partakes of the nature of these1 but it is the tufted temple which makes your rarity4 ,in the last century this sub-branch of the genus ,longi-,florum was fairly common2 sub-title1 ,adolphus4 ,u4 ,,is ,,an ,,ursine-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,ursine-,beaver ,the specimen mounted is1 ,i believe1 unique4 ,a noted scientist in private life1 in public life an exquisite ,ursine--or 7as some say7 ,leonine--there are no data extant to assist us in forming an opinion as to why he did it4 ,it is scarcely likely that this phenomenon will flower again for centuries4 ,should a pale reflection be observed1 remember that the salient points are3 7a47 great width across the cheek-bones1 7b47 uniformity of foliage4 ,the miracle mounted opposite had tendrils1 delicate1 wonderful1 almost on the lower edge of the eye-lids4 ,the osseous formation of the nasal promonotory should be carefully studied by earnest amateurs4 ,v4 ,,is ,a ,,van ,,dyck-,,beaver4 ,illustration ,van ,dyck-,beaver ,mounted as an historical curiosity3 they are now extinct4 ,in full bloom they were1 ,i am told1 very beautiful4 ,the finest specimens had never shaved1 hence the coat was a miracle of gloss1 softness1 shimmer and silk4 ,should anything1 anything approaching this shape be observed1 kindly write at once to the ,association1 who are only too anxious to catalogue every rarity4 ,disregard cropped hair4 ,one dare not hope for a modern specimen in trailing-coat4 ,w4 ,,is ,a ,,walrus4 ,illustration3 ,walrus ,these cannot be scored when playing ,beaver4 ,a debased form of the game called 8,walrus0 is--actually--played1 and1 occasionally1 mixed ,walrus and ,beaver4 ,the ,walrus game usually ends in an unseemly wrangle1 owing to the intense difficulty in deciding on the exact status of the specimen4 ,the specimen mounted is almost perfect--perhaps it is a thought regular--it was observed in #aibb in ,knightsbridge2 the neat bow-tie was pale blue satin1 almost certainly attached by a brass clip4 ,x4 ,,is ,a ,,xanthine-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,xanthine-,king-,beaver ,these specimens are only scored by specialists4 ,there is a perfectly distinct difference between a ,xanthine1 a ,red and a ,yellow1 but it is very small1 and to mark it requires a very nicely-trained eye4 ,xanthines are usually rather bewildered-looking1 and are remarkable1 in general1 for profusion of crop and coarseness of coat4 ,the habit of insisting on minute colour-niceties is to be deplored as tending to debase the sport to the level of the philatelist's 8rose-red on carmine10 8carmine on rose-red40 ,y4 ,,is ,a ,,yellow-,,king4 ,illustration3 ,yellow-,king ,excessively rare4 ,with the exception of ,george ,killingworth1 cited on page #be1 the most notable ,yellow-,king of whom we have record is ,leo ,vincey1 the superlative ,beaver who went1 in company with his dark-brindle guardian1 ,mr4 ,holly1 in search of 8,she0 444 or should it be 8,her08 ,there is no record in office of a ,yellow-,king having been scored in the last eleven years4 ,they are seen occasionally in ,france1 and there are vague rumours that a certain number are bagged yearly in ,germany4 ,claim extravagant points if you have the fortune to light upon one4 ,here again sheen is most important1 and the coat should be fine1 soft and silky4 ,z4 ,,is ,a ,,zebra-,,king-,,beaver4 ,illustration3 ,zebra-,king-,beaver ,excessively rare4 ,i1 myself1 have once scored a ,zebra-,king1 but it was1 and is1 the only specimen of which ,i have heard1 and it is greatly prized locally4 ,the colour-demarcation must be very obvious before one can claim a ,zebra4 ,there is as much difference between a ,yellow and a ,red-,king as there is between a ,zebra and a ,brindle4 ,the ,king illustrated is--,i speak without fear of being contradicted--literally unique4 ,in superb coat1 ideal shape of attachment1 in colour--a greenish tabby with dark markings1 the ,zebra ,i have the pleasure of showing you represents the ne-plus-ultra of rarity4 ,he thus forms a fitting1 as it were1 cul-de-lampe to my 8littel0 guide4 ,,terminal ,,essay ,,on ,,the ,,manners ,,and ,,customs ,,of ,,beavering ,,men4 ,proem4 ,adam1 according to tradition1 was created in full ,king-,beaverhood1 and1 burgeoning amid the bougainvillea and borage of the ,garden of ,eden1 the ,beard1 throughout the centuries1 has bloomed and faded1 resurged1 again faded1 then blossomed anew that1 in the fullness of time1 the ,beard-,bearer might be crowned with the honourable title of ,beaver4 8,the soft susurrus of his silken stride0 brings joy to the heart of man1 perhaps also 8game1 set1 match10 and the shape1 the colour1 the texture of his adornment provoke a fastidious scrutiny akin to that of a connoisseur appraising a ,crown ,derby figurine4 ,for many years the auburn-haired hero who grew a beard was not1 ipso facto1 a person of any importance4 ,a dignitary of the ,church1 whose venerable features were complemented or obscured by a snowy1 a grizzled or a brindled beard of majestic length1 was not1 inherently1 remarkable4 ,behold them now1 a ,red-,king and an ,ecclesiastical ,king1 cynosures1 orchids upon the unlovely tree-trunk of our common life4 ,as the poet might have written3-- ,beaver1 beaver1 burning bright1 ,in what forest of the night1 ,what immortal hand or eye ,could frame thy xanthine symmetry8 ,the ,beaver in ,history4 ,the celebrated ,beavers of history need not be catalogued at length4 ,shakespeare was a ,bald-,beaver1 apparently an ,anticipatory-,vandyke4 ,napoleon ,bonaparte was not a ,beaver4 ,julius ,csar1 ,edward ,gibbon1 ,sir ,joshua ,reynolds1 ,alexander ,,vi4 and ,beethoven did all 8444 against the edicts of ,god1 the oracles of the ,prophets1 the placits of councils and the judgment of learned men1 hold fast the foolish custom of shaving40#b ,contrariwise1 ,hannibal1 ,william ,morris1 ,rodin1 ,st4 ,paul and ,juan ,rodriguez de ,silva y ,vlasquez were all content with 8nourishing their horrid bushes of vanity40#c ,the ,jews bore their beards proudly from out the ,captivity4 ,indeed they took captivity captive2 did not the ,egyptians from time to time1 asserting their masculinity1 assume ceremonial false beards1 8double faults0 to a man8 ,the most antient ,romans were ,king-,beavers2 the ,normans were ,walruses2 the ,greeks supported a considerable number of ,king-,beavers1 among them ,pericles and ,socrates1 8shaving was very rare in the early part of our period 7#ddj ,b4,c4-#ccj ,b4,c4740#d ,until the eighteenth century ,beaverhood was common1 since that time it has grown rarer and rarer1 with a sudden uprush of fur to the face in the middle of the last century1 an uprush which has now almost died away4 ,we read 8444 the value of their fur has caused their destruction in great measure where they were once numerous1 and has led to their extirpation where there is evidence that they existed as a not uncommon animal4 ,they were formerly distributed over the greater part of ,europe4 ,in ,england semi-fossilised remains show that they were not uncommon 444 in #aahh ,giraldus stated that they were living on the river ,teify in ,cardiganshire 444 some were known to frequent the ,elbe in #ahgh40e ,footnote #b3 ,bulwer4 ,anthropometamorphosis 7#afej74 ,footnote #c3 ,dr4 ,bolton4 ,footnote #d3 ,tucker1 ,life in ,ancient ,athens1 p4 #hc4 ,footnote #e3 ,living ,animals of the ,world1 vol4 ,i41 p4 #aeb et seq4 ,parts of this extract are not clear4 ,what value has the pelt of the ,red-,king commercially8 ,can a tippet be made of the adornment of the ,fringed-,georgic8 ,,the ,,game4 ,origin4 ,the origin of the game1 which is scored in exactly the same manner as ,lawn ,tennis1 is unknown4 ,there are1 however1 various theories2 one school holds that it came to birth in ,oxford1 another that it emerged in the other place1 and a third traces it to ,malta 7where 8my brother from ,gozo0 was1 doubtless1 a local champion7 and seeks for some association with antient mysteries4 ,the outlines of the game itself are so simple and well-defined that the question of rules scarcely arises4 ,a bearded man is a ,beaver1 claim him1 crying aloud1 as musically as possible1 8,beaver1 fifteen love0--or appropriately to the score4 ,if both players cry aloud simultaneously it is a 8no-ball40 ,double ,faults4 ,the system of 8double faults0 deserves explanation4 ,the educational value of the game is high1 fostering as it does quickness of observation and that desirable attribute1 an eagle-glance4 ,when a player has had some little practice he will often score winning points from behind the specimen4 ,thus a side-whiskered gentleman may be claimed from the rear but1 on drawing level with the quarry1 it is observed that the chin is bare 444 double fault4 ,local ,double ,faults4 8,local double faults0 are always a matter of courtesy1 and if one claims a 8local ,d4 ,f40 one is not mulcted in the point4 ,usually it is some revered and ,friend-of-all-the-,world ,beaver who is created1 by general consent1 a 8local ,d4 ,f410 to enable players to discuss1 unembarrassed1 the day's sport with him4 ,juvenile players find this convention of the greatest possible service4 ,hot-tempered1 hard-handed uncles and such like are swiftly appeased by being made 8local ,d4 ,f4s10 and join whole-heartedly in the triumph occasioned by the capture of some other ,brindled-,king4 ,status of ,beaver4 ,it has been mentioned in the notes that very high standards have been from time to time set up as regards the status of ,beaver4 ,passionate purists have1 indeed1 claimed that the charming ,half-,beaver is a ,d4 ,f41 that the delicate wilding1 the ,fringed-,georgic1 is a ,d4 ,f41 even that the ,imperial and the ,nanny are suspect4 ,heed not such persons4 ,remember ,knut and ,mrs4 ,partington1 nor seek to gild the lily4 ,the sign manual of the ,beaver is the not-naked chin1 4 ,no one of the specimens mentioned above has a naked chin1 therefore1 they are all ,beavers2 quod erat demonstrandum4 ,hints as to ,habitat4 ,the game can be played anywhere1 except in ,burithabeth1 for 8these men have no beards at all1 for we saw them carry a certain iron instrument in their hands wherewith1 if any hairs grow upon their chin1 they presently pluck them out40#f ,cathedral cities are a favourite habitat of the genus1 and some are always to be found in the neighbourhood of ,pall ,mall4 ,dockyard towns provide large numbers of the ordinary variety1 but very few ,kings4 ,footnote #f3 ,mandeville4 ,single-handed ,beaver4 ,it is not generally known that a rigidly conscientious person can play single-handed ,beaver with great content4 ,one scores ,beavers walking in the same direction as oneself to the server1 ,beavers coming from that direction1 and so passing the player1 to the striker and stationary ,beavers in accordance with the direction in which their heads are turned1 towards or away from the player4 ,beavers debouching suddenly from cross-roads1 if one has not time1 as on a swift omnibus1 to observe their ultimate direction1 are 8no-balls40 ,objections to the ,game4 ,it has been objected that the game is nonsensical1 anti-social and essentially discourteous4 ,nonsensical it is1 an it please you2 but is not nonsense a rare and a precious thing8 ,is not the nonsense of ,lewis ,carroll quite entirely adorable8 ,is not ,lear's story of ,violet1 ,slingsby1 ,guy and ,lionel a thing of impressive beauty8 ,the game is not anti-social1 for it entails an increased interest in and admiration of one's fellow-men and1 as regards discourtesy1 surely it is as much a compliment to a ,red-,king to cry on him1 8,beaver1 game1 set1 match10 as it is to comment upon some damsel's handsome eyes4 ,the ,beaver4 8,aristotle in his ethics takes up the conceit of the ,bever10#g and1 in general1 one may assume that the bearded are proud of their adornments1 love them1 cherish them1 even going so far in some cases as to enclose them in silken bags before retiring to rest4 ,controversy has long raged as to the propriety or otherwise of shaving4 ,the ,greek ,church held strong views on the point1 8444 and also they say1 that we sin deadly in shaving our beards1 for the beard is token of a man1 and gift of our ,lord40#h ,the antient ,greeks1 as we have observed1 for long clutched their hairiness1 but finally succumbed to the ,macedonian mode1 and shaved clean2 it is an interesting point that they did utterly abhor the ,walrus4 ,in ,england the matter has been entirely regulated by fashion1 and ,i cannot trace the existence of any important body of opinion in favour of or against the practice of shaving4 ,it would1 nevertheless1 be safe to say that an immature ,beaver in the present year of grace is so rare as to be practically unknown--,english specimens are seldom lighter than medium-brindle--which shows the trend of modern thought4 ,it may be accepted1 then1 that the ,beaver indulges in efflorescence in order to gratify his vanity 7or in a few cases1 perhaps1 to keep his throat warm and save the expense of cravats74 ,perhaps he remembers the dictum1 8l'habit long et la barbe imposent de respect40#i ,in which connection it may be emphasised that the intense interest now taken in fine specimens should be 7and probably is7 a source of considerable gratification to them4 ,i have even been told of one superb ,red-,king who invariably congratulates the fortunate player who scores him4 ,footnote #g3 ,browne4 ,pseudodoxia1 ,i41 c4 ix4 ,footnote #h3 ,mandeville1 c4 iii4 ,footnote #i3 ,voltaire1 ,dict4 ,phil4 ,characteristics of various ,species4 ,it is interesting to observe the very marked personal characteristics of the various species4 ,a ,brindled-,king-,beaver is commonly distinguished by a dignified port and an air of profound weightiness4 ,in a ,red-,king something of wistful may be remarked1 in a ,xanthine a touch1 maybe1 of bewilderment4 ,parti-colours are usually rather bird-like 7perhaps the unconscious influence of the wag-tail7 and ,yellows are always pugnacious in appearance4 ,the ,fringed-,georgic smacks of the soil1 the ,imperial of cafs with red velvet1 the ,bald-,king of the ,reading-,room of the ,british ,museum1 the ,tufted of antimaccassars and bronze horrors wriggling under glass domes4 ,but all1 without exception1 carry an indefinable air of exotisme1 a something that raises them above the herd2 they appear never natural products1 always 8sports40 ,the ,queen-,beaver4 ,of the ,queen-,beaver it may be safely said that 8the female of the species is more deadly than the male40 ,a really fine ,pink-,queen is awe-inspiring1 and a ,grey-,queen infinitely terrifying4 ,the dainty ,blonde-,queen 7it is advisable to have two assessors1 for the signs of her beaverhood are 8plus follets1 plus doux1 plus imperceptibles0#aj than in any other species7 has a sinister air2 a ,black-,queen suggests 8,macbeth40 ,it is curious to read that 8in ,cyprus the ,goddess of ,love wore a beard40#aa ,queens are rare and no false gallantry should prevent a player from scoring them whenever possible4 ,it is1 however1 the mark of the gentleman to claim them sotto voce1 almost in a whisper4 ,footnote #aj3 ,voltaire1 op4 cit4 ,footnote #aa3 ,macrobius1 ,saturn1 iii41 #h4b4 ,personalia4 ,we have now examined the game briefly1 investigated the characteristics of the ,beaver family1 cast a rapid and perfunctory glance at the ,beaver in ,history 7a subject deserving of a tome71 and suggested explanations that may be offered1 a defence that may be attempted1 when a player is assailed by a non-player4 8,to beaver or not to beaver1 that is the question40 ,the decision must be taken2 paltering is no part of a man4 ,myself1 ,i took it on the top of an omnibus outside the ,ritz1 and ,i played a most excellent game with myself as far as ,st4 ,mary ,abbott's4 ,having set my hand to the plough ,i did not look back1 but entered upon the game in all seriousness4 ,when ,fortune appeared ,i did not give her a chance to 8present her bald noddle10 but ,i grabbed her firmly by the forelock4 ,being from town ,i chanced upon a small coterie of learned enthusiasts1 and much improved my game1 as also my knowledge4 ,the city was a very warren of ,beavers2 most of my finest specimens were secured there4 ,does not the mouth of every collector water on reading that ,i scored--with two witnesses1 one of whom visd the prey--a glorious ,pink-,queen1 leaning on a green bicycle outside the ,post-,office8 and1 subsequently1 an ,american ,grey-,queen with young8 ,the only rarity1 roughly speaking1 which eluded me was a fine ,fringed-,georgic4 ,i scored a somewhat moth-eaten specimen of uncertain colouration4 ,thus1 8on stepping-stones of our dead0 ,beavers ,i attained to a certain skill4 ,it would have been impossible to choose a better place for my little holiday1 and my gratitude to my genial instructors and coaches knows no bounds4 ,local rules were well-framed1 simple and reasonable4 ,there are two 8local ,d4 ,f4s10 easily recognisable1 and a certain number of markedly fine specimens which have great repute in the district and bear a very high scoring-value4 ,all unknowing ,i claimed and scored the ,ecclesiastical-,king and was1 instantly1 awarded two games4 ,it was1 in very truth1 a noble creature1 a ,pointed-,brindle1 which is1 of course1 as rare and valuable as a pointed fox1 in gorgeous coat and official robes of a searching scarlet4 ,i had the good fortune to secure also the finest ,king in ,full ,winter-,coat that ,i have ever seen4 ,the adornment was almost incredibly bushy and 8white as the neck of ,lalage10 while the specimen wore brown sude shoes4 ,heigh ho6 for the brave days that are dead4 ,golly1 what a garland ,i wove me in that dear place4 ,conclusion4 ,to what point are we come8 ,is the game of ,beaver the expression of a passionate mass-protest against the furred face1 or is it the forerunner of a revival of beards1 that is1 do we see here the shadow of that antient custom which led peoples to sacrifice yearly the animals who else were deities1 whom they adored8#ab ,in any case the ,beard is again burgeoning4 ,but a few years gone the bearded were not1 qua beards1 of any importance1 now they loom upon the social horizon considerably larger than a man's hand4 ,of the importance of the ,beard it may well be that the apogee is upon us4 ,perchance the ,beard will again be invested with the dignity of ceremonial as in antient ,china4 8,after the coffining10 so we read of the obsequies of an officer1 8the ,master of the ,ceremonies does away with his hair-tufts40#ac ,shall we live to see the ,beard exalted as an horn on high8 ,will the game of ,beaver re-instate the ,beard as the ,crimean campaign instituted the now almost extinct 7but exquisite7 moustache-whisker fitment1 or will it drive the hairy to put off the whole armour of hairiness8 ,quien sabe8 ,these things remain1 in the charming phrase of ,m4 ,clich1 8on the knees of the gods10 but it is safe to assert that1 even now1 we can as a people1 we ,english1 rebut the accusation of ,samuel ,butler1 8we often do not notice that a man has grown a beard40#ad ,footnote #ab3 ,see ,herodotus1 ii41 #db4 ,footnote #ac3 ,chou ,kung1 ,the ,i-,li1 c4 xxxi4 ,footnote #ad3 ,butler1 ,the ,notebooks1 p4 #caa4 ,printed in ,great ,britain by ,miller1 ,son ,compy41 ,fakenham and ,london4 ,barry ,pains parody of 8,if ,winter ,comes0 --------------------------------------- ,if ,summer ,don't 99,a4,b4,c4,d4,e4,f4,g4,h4 ,,notsomuchinson99 ,,barry ,,pain ,illustration3 ,chopped down tree with axe ,barry ,pain's ,parody of 8,if ,winter ,comes0-- 8,,if ,,summer ,,don',t0 ,,barry ,,pain',s skit on ,mrs4 ,asquith's ,memoirs 78,,marge ,,askinforit07 took the public fancy and #ej1jjj copies have been sold to date4 ,mr4 ,,barry ,,pain has now turned his attention to 8,,if ,,winter ,,comes0 and has written a parody of this 8best seller10 which is a scream from cover to cover4 ,f'cap #hvo4 #as4 #f;d4 net4 ,other ,books by ,,barry ,,pain4 -------------------------- ,at #as4 #f;d4 net1 in paper4 ,marge ,askinforit ,edwards ,me and ,harris ,robinson ,crusoe's ,return ,mrs4 ,murphy ,innocent ,amusements ,confessions of ,alphonse ,the ,diary of a ,baby ,at #bs4 net1 in cloth--,going ,home4 ,t4 ,werner ,laurie1 ,ltd41 #cj ,new ,bridge ,st41 ,london1 ,e4,c4#d4