,,petrarch',s ,,secret ,,or ,,the ,,soul',s ,,conflict ,,with ,,passion ,,three ,,dialogues ,,between ,,himself ,,and ,s4 ,,augustine ,,translated ,,from ,,the ,,latin ,,by ,,william ,h4 ,,draper ,,with ,,two ,,illustrations ,,london ,,chatto ,,windus ,,mdccccxi ,,francis ,,petrarch ,,emiliae ,,augustae ,,per ,,annus ,,xxii ,,collaboranti ,,mecum1 ,,compatienti1 ,,collaetanti ,,petrarcae ,,hoc ,,colloquium ,,memorabile ,,amoris ,,dulcedine ,,lacrimisque ,,tinctum ,,iam ,,demum ,,anglice ,,redditum ,,gratus ,,dedico ,a4 ,s4 ,,mdccccxi ,,contents ,,introduction ,,author',s ,,preface ,,dialogue ,,the ,,first ,,dialogue ,,the ,,second ,,dialogue ,,the ,,third ,,introduction ,most modern writers on ,petrarch agree in stating that of all his works the ,dialogues which he calls ,secretum meum are the one which throws most light upon the man himself4 ,yet no ,english translation has hitherto been published4 ,a ,french version by ,m4 ,victor ,develay was issued a few years ago1 and received the recognition of the ,french ,academy2 and1 considering the great importance of ,petrarch in the history of the ,renaissance1 not merely in ,italy but in ,europe1 it is time that a similar opportunity of knowing him more fully was offered to ,english readers2 for there are signs on both sides of the ,atlantic that the number of those interested in him is steadily growing4 ,the reason for this is undoubtedly the fact that1 as the whole work of ,petrarch comes to be better known1 interest in him as a man increases4 ,mr4 ,sidney ,lee has lately reminded us of his wide range and predominating influence in the matter of the sonnet in ,france and in ,elizabethan ,england1 as well as in his own country2 and yet that influence was very far indeed from revealing all that ,petrarch was4 ,it was largely an influence of style1 a triumph of the perfection of form1 and his imitators did not trouble much about the precise nature of the sentiment and spirit informing the style4 ,when this came to be weighed in the balances of a later day1 the tendency of ,english feeling was to regard his sentiment as a trifle too serious and weak4 ,the love-making of the ,cavaliers brought in a robuster tone4 ,when once the question was raised1 ,why so pale and wan1 fond lover8 there was really no good answer to it on ,petrarchan lines1 and the consequence was that his name and fame suffered something of eclipse among us4 ,but eclipses are transient events1 and when literary ,england felt once more the attraction of ,italy in the end of the eighteenth century it was not only ,dante who began to resume his sway and to provoke translation1 but ,petrarch also4 ,then attention was turned chiefly to his ,italian poetry1 but also in some degree to the general body of his ,latin works and to his ,letters1 of which it is reported that ,fox was among the first to perceive the high value4 ,in ,england the pioneers in this direction were ,mrs4 ,susannah ,dobson1 who published first a ,life of ,petrarch in two volumes in #agge1 which had by #ahje reached a sixth edition1 and1 soon after1 another volume called ,petrarch's ,view of ,life1 purporting to be a translation1 but in fact a very loose and attenuated abstract of the treatise ,de remediis utriusque ,fortun1 which nevertheless reached a new edition in #agig4 ,then came a volume of ,essays on ,petrarch 7,murray #ahbc7 by the ,italian exile ,ugo ,foscolo1 and a little later a second ,life of the ,poet by no less a person than ,thomas ,campbell1 also in two volumes4 ,testifying to the re-awakened interest in ,petrarch1 numerous translations also of his poetry were published by ,lady ,dacre1 ,hugh ,boyd1 ,leigh ,hunt1 ,capel ,lofft1 and many others1 who took up after a long interval the tradition begun by ,chaucer and handed on by ,surrey1 ,wyatt1 ,sir ,philip ,sidney1 ,spenser1 ,drummond of ,hawthornden1 and ,george ,chapman4 ,then for a while there was a pause1 and the main drift of such attention in ,england as could be spared for things ,italian in mid-,victorian days was concentrated on the greater luminary of the ,divine ,comedy and the exciting political events of the sixties2 though some attention was drawn to things connected with ,petrarch by ,lytton's novel of ,rienzi1 which was first published in #ahce and had a considerable vogue4 ,meanwhile in ,italy itself his fame was well served by the excellent collection and reprint of his ,latin letters by ,fracasetti in three vols4 7#ahei-fc71 and since that time there have appeared several important works dealing with the larger aspects of his life and work1 most notable among them being ,koerting's ,petrarka's ,leben und ,werke 7,leipsig #ahgh71 and in ,france ,m4 ,p4 de ,nolhac's ,ptrarque et l',humanisme 7two vols41 #aijg1 new edition71 with other subsidiary works1 and four small volumes by ,m4 ,henri ,cochin1 elucidating what is known of ,petrarch's brother ,gherardo and some of his many friends4 ,amongst ourselves in late years1 following the labours of ,j4 ,a4 ,symonds in his history of the ,renaissance1 we have ,henry ,reeve's small but well-planned volume in the ,foreign ,classics for ,english ,readers1 and1 more recently still1 ,mr4 ,hollway ,calthrop's ,petrarch3 his ,life1 ,work and ,times 7#aijg71 and ,mrs4 ,maud ,jerrold's ,francesco ,petrarca3 ,poet and ,humanist 7#aiji74 ,it is significant that both the last writers single out the ,secretum for its psychological interest1 the former stating that to those who feel the charm of ,petrarch's nature and the intense humanity of his character1 these three ,dialogues are the most fascinating of all his writings2 and the latter that this conflict of the dual self is of quite peculiar interest4 ,mrs4 ,jerrold indeed goes so far as to say that ,petrarch plunges into the most scathing self-examination that any man ever made4 ,whether the book was intended for the public we may well doubt1 both from the words of the preface and from the fact that it does not appear to have been published till after the author's death4 ,but however this may be1 it remains one of the world's great monuments of self-revelation and ranks with the ,confessions of ,s4 ,augustine--a verdict which to some critics will seem to have a touch of overstatement1 though hardly beyond the opinion of ,petrarch's ,french students1 and not altogether unpardonable in so enthusiastic an admirer of her subject1 and a verdict which at least would not have been displeasing to ,petrarch himself4 ,among the many points of human interest to be found in the ,dialogues not the least is the one connected with ,accidie1 a theme which has of itself attracted special study in the present day1 particularly since attention was called to it by the late ,bishop of ,oxford in his well-known introduction to the ,spirit of ,discipline4 ,observers of mental life incline to the view that the form of depression denoted by the medival word was not confined to those times or met with only in monasteries1 and it is curious that he who is sometimes called the first of the moderns should take us into his confidence as to his sufferings from this trouble1 and exemplify the truth of the observation to which reference has been made4 ,m4 ,p4 de ,nolhac1 in his interesting work entitled ,le ,frre de ,ptrarque1 calls particular attention to this trait in ,petrarch's character1 and in an appendix on the subject writes1 ,mais il faut surtout lire l'mouvante discussion que ,ptrarque1 dans le second dialogue du ,secretum1 suppose entre ,saint ,augustin et lui-meme1 les aveux entrecoups de sanglots qu'il laisse chapper4 ,cette torture1 dit-il1 o il passe des jours et des nuits1 a pourtant en elle je ne sais quelle atroce volupt tellement que parfois il en conte de s'y arracher 7p4 #bbj74 ,it is the remarking on this note of self-will1 this voluptas dolendi1 that ,m4 de ,nolhac considers is ,petrarch's special contribution to the subject and furnishes a new point beyond what is in previous definitions4 ,the fundamental question raised by these ,dialogues is the question of what was the real nature and character of ,petrarch1 and wherein lay the secret of his extraordinary charm and influence among his contemporaries1 and especially among contemporary men8 ,it is difficult to convey in few words how great an impression the study of his ,latin works makes in regard to this influence in his own lifetime4 ,of course1 a reader is soon aware of the trait of personal vanity in ,petrarch and of certain unconscious littlenesses1 as in the matter of his appreciation of ,dante2 but the strange thing is how little this interfered with the regard and admiration extended to him by many sorts and conditions of men4 ,in the ordinary intercourse of life one is apt to think such a trait fatal to anything like respect1 and it must always detract somewhat from the full stature of any mind1 but in the case of ,petrarch it seems evident that he was one to whom much was forgiven1 and that the reason is to be found in the presence in him of so rich an assemblage of other and better qualities that this one hardly counted at all1 or was looked on with kindly amusement by friends large-hearted enough to think it nothing compared with what was good and admirable in his mind4 ,we may take it for granted that1 as he hints in his ,letter to ,posterity1 he started with the advantage of a good presence and a sufficient care of his own person and appearance in younger days2 and it is evident that he had by nature a certain engaging frankness and impulsiveness1 which nevertheless were not inconsistent with the contrasted qualities of gravity and dignity1 learned at first from his father and mother and their friends1 and cultivated by his study of the ,law and afterwards by his attendance on the ,papal court at ,avignon4 ,one can discern this in his ,letters and see it reflected in those that were written to him or about him4 ,but beyond these introductory qualities1 as they may be called1 there were other deeper traits1 of rarer kind1 that must be noted before one can understand the position he attained and has held so long4 ,studying his work from the cool distance of six centuries1 one is inclined to judge that the most fundamental quality of his nature was his love of literature1 and that every other trait took a subordinate place to this4 ,it is perhaps doubtful whether this or the life of personal affection1 or even of devotion in a monastery1 would have gained the upper hand if the circumstances of his life had been different in the matter of his love for ,laura2 but taking into consideration that she was separated from him apparently by temperament and circumstance1 the one course that remained open to him without let or hindrance was the life of literature in the sense of devotion to the great writers of the ,past and the practice of the art of writing for himself4 ,he loved this for its own sake1 and at the same time he was quickened by the sense of a new learning1 which1 since his time and largely by the impetus he gave it1 has taken form and outline in a wonderful way1 but was then only like the first streak of dawn upon the sky4 ,petrarch was not the first man to find a certain contradiction between his desires and the possibilities of life around him1 and to pass many years under the pain of contrary attractions that could not all be followed to fulfilment ,this conflict is what gives interest to the ,secretum4 ,some have thought1 and the idea was expressed by one of his correspondents1 that his love for ,laura was very much of a literary pose4 ,yet that such a view is an insufficient account of it seems pretty clearly established by the work here translated4 ,it is1 indeed1 plain that his feelings ran a course1 and not a smooth one1 and did not continue in one stay2 he came to see the whole matter in a changed light1 and yet not wholly changed2 his relation was transfigured1 not abandoned1 and after the death of ,laura1 which took place when he was forty-four1 it continued as a memory from which the pain had faded away and only what was uplifting remained4 ,that which persisted unchanged all through his life and seems most to have had the colour and substance of a passion was the love of ,letters4 ,to this his friendship1 his very real patriotism1 and 7must we not add87 his religion also were in a sense second4 ,but the mention of this last factor in the life of ,petrarch leads one to express the opinion that this has not yet been quite sufficiently reckoned with4 ,that it should not have been thought worthy of such reckoning has probably arisen from the one ugly fact in his life which he himself does not conceal1 and indeed expressly refers to in his ,letter to ,posterity1 in the following words3-- ,as for the looser indulgences of appetite1 would indeed ,i could say ,i was a stranger to them altogether2 but if ,i should so say1 ,i should lie4 ,this ,i can safely affirm that1 although ,i was hurried away to them by the fervour of my age and temperament1 their vileness ,i have always inwardly execrated4 ,as soon as ,i approached my fortieth year ,i repelled these weaknesses entirely from my thoughts and my remembrance1 as if ,i had never known them4 ,and this ,i count among my earliest happy recollections1 thanking ,god1 who has freed me1 while yet my powers were unimpaired and strong1 from this so vile and always hateful servitude4#a ,now1 although ,petrarch did not1 as some other men have done1 including his own brother1 express his repentance by retiring to a monastery1 yet there is evidence enough that the change of will here referred to1 and professed in the ,secretum1 was real1 and that the older he grew the more he lifted up his heart4 ,among other signs of this there is the curious little group of what he calls ,penitential ,psalms1 which were translated into ,english by ,george ,chapman1 into whose translation of ,homer ,keats looked and was inspired ,in his ,will also there are not a few passages through which one hears a note of genuine penitence4 ,among other curious points in it is the mention of the exact spot in which he would wish to be laid to rest in some one of seven different places where he might happen to die1 the last being the city of ,parma1 of which he says1 ,at si ,parm1 in ecclesi majori1 ubi per multos annos archidiaconus fui inutilis et semper fere absens4 ,petrarch must have fully weighed in his own case the pros and cons for such retirement4 ,his treatise ,de ,otio ,religiosorum shows that he understood what good side that kind of life has1 and his whole attitude towards his brother--generous1 and attached1 almost to the point of romance--reveals how he could admire it4 ,but in his own case he felt that it would cramp his faculties too much to be endurable1 and hinder more than it would help the kind of work to which he had put his hand4 ,there was also another influence that told strongly on this father of ,humanism4 ,he whose nature was so full of unsatisfied natural affection had begun in his latter years to find some rest and blessing in the love and tendance of a daughter1 the light of whose care and companionship for him shines through his declining days like the rays of the sun in the evening after a dark and troubled day4 ,but if we are right in judging that the love of ,letters was the dominant factor in the life of ,petrarch1 it was but the main thread in a singularly complex nature4 ,not much less in substance and strength was his genius for friendship4 ,indeed1 his study of the writers of past ages partook of the nature of friendship1 just as his friendship with living men had a deep literary tinge4 ,he loved books and he loved men1 and he loved them in the same way4 ,this is by no means a frequent combination in the degree in which it was shown in ,petrarch4 ,more often the book-lover becomes a recluse1 and the lover of his fellow-men loses his ardour for study4 ,but not even the love of books and of men took up all the activities of this rich nature4 ,he was also a keen traveller and among the first to write of natural scenery in the modern spirit4 ,he had that in him which1 in spite of his love for reading and writing1 sent him forth into other lands and made him eager to see men and cities4 ,yet the love of the country in him prevailed over the love of cities4 ,his many references to his life at ,vaucluse1 though to readers of to-day they may seem sometimes affected1 yet show only a superficial affectation1 a mere mode1 which does not seriously lessen the impression of his simple taste and his genuine delight in his garden and his fishing1 and his talk with the charming old farmer-man and that sun-burnt wife for whom he had such an unbounded respect4 ,in the two recent lives of ,petrarch in ,english a reader may make closer acquaintance with this side of his character1 and will find much that falls in with modern feeling as to simplicity of living and the joys of escaping from the man-stifled town4 ,but what is still a desideratum is a good ,english translation of his ,letters to his friends1 which will add many glimpses of his daily interests and thoughts1 and fill up the picture of his interior life as it is disclosed to us in the ,dialogues here presented4 ,what the ,secretum gives us is the picture of ,petrarch as he was in the crisis of his middle years4 ,it was written in or about the year #acdb when he was thirty-eight1 and in these ,dialogues we find him looking back over his youth and early life--the sap and vigour of his mind as strong as ever1 the recollection of many sensations green and still powerful--but finding that the sheer march of time and experience of manhood are forcing him now to see things with more mature vision4 ,five years later he will be seen suddenly kindled into surprising excitement in that strange ,rienzi episode1 but in one of his letters to that unhappy politician there is a sentence which might have been penned by ,bishop ,butler1 and has in it the accent of grave experience3#b ,ibunt res qu sempiterna lex statuit3 mutare ista non possum1 fugere possum 7,things will go as the law eternal has decided3 to alter their course is out of our power2 what we can do is to get out of their way74 ,the interest of the ,secretum is heightened by remembering the time of life in which it was composed4#c ,some will find most pleasure in reading what men have written ,de ,senectute1 and others prefer the charm that belongs to youth2 but is there not much to be said for the interest of what men write from that high tableland that lies between the two1 in the full strength of their mind when they have lived long enough to know what is hidden from the eyes of youth and not long enough to be wearied and broken with the greatness of the way8 ,such is the tone that seems to pervade the ,dialogues between ,s4 ,augustine and ,petrarch4 ,in the preface he looks forward to cherishing the little book himself in future years1 like some flower that keeps alive remembrance of past days and yet is not cherished for memory only1 but to guard the resolution which has been taken to go forward and not back1 and1 as his ,french translator suggests1 ,is it to be wondered at that these pages1 written with such abandon1 in which he has laid bare his whole soul1 should have been his own favourite work8 ,it was the book he kept at his bedside1 his faithful counsellor and friend1 and to which he turned ever and again with pleasure in the hours of remembering the time past4 ,it is not necessary to tell over again the story of ,petrarch's lifelong devotion to the study of ,s4 ,augustine's ,confessions1 or to dwell on the obvious reasons for that devotion4 ,every man loves the book which tells the history of conflicts like his own1 and which has helped to give him courage in his warfare and its sorrows and joys4 ,that loss is common would not make ,my own less bitter1 rather more2 sings the poet1 but if one reads the experience of those who have suffered and contended and conquered1 and is sure that their load was as heavy as his own1 then there is a spirit which is breathed over from one life to another1 and which even though it tells us how great is the burden of sorrow in the world1 yet also tells us that a man is not alone1 but that there are companions in patience who a little strengthen each other and give the sense of fellowship from age to age1 donec aspiret dies et inclinentur umbrae4 ,many of the letters of ,petrarch's later years show how wistfully he waited for that day4 ,but they also show how gallant a heart he kept1 and how faithful to those friends that remained1 including the one so lovable and generous and true1 ,giovanni ,boccaccio1 who survived him little more than a year4 ,petrarch passed the end of his life in a modest house which he built in one of the loveliest parts of ,italy1 that to ,english readers will be for ever dear because of the haunting music that ,shelley wove around its name4 ,it was in the ,euganan ,hills at ,arqua where ,petrarch chose to wait for the dawn1 and1 till it came1 to go on working among the books he loved as his own soul4 ,many a green isle needs must be ,in the deep wide sea of misery1 and to read the story of his last years there is to think of one of those green isles4 ,these were days of calm1 and the book of the ,secret ends with the expression of hope for a deeper calm still4 ,in due time it came1 but1 as the ,english ,poet sang1 after more than six centuries-- ,the love from ,petrarch's urn ,yet amid yon hills doth burn1 #a ,translation by ,h4 ,reeve4 #b ,de rebus fam41 vii4 #g4 #c ,the profile portrait1 reproduced by kind permission of ,mr4 ,t4 ,fisher ,unwin1 publisher of ,mr4 ,e4 ,j4 ,mills' book on ,petrarch1 is from ,lombardo's copy of the ,de viris illustribus1 finished about five years after the death of ,petrarch1 and is believed to be an authentic picture of him in later life4 ,a ,,quenchless ,,lamp4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,s4 ,,augustine ,,greeting ,a ,,friend ,from a picture by ,benozzo ,gozzoli at ,san ,gimignano ,,petrarch',s ,,secret ,,author',s ,,preface ,often have ,i wondered with much curiosity as to our coming into this world and what will follow our departure4 ,when ,i was ruminating lately on this matter1 not in any dream as one in sickness and slumber1 but wide awake and with all my wits about me1 ,i was greatly astonished to behold a very beautiful ,lady1 shining with an indescribable light about her4 ,she seemed as one whose beauty is not known1 as it might be1 to mankind4 ,i could not tell how she came there1 but from her raiment and appearance ,i judged her a fair ,virgin1 and her eyes1 like the sun1 seemed to send forth rays of such light that they made me lower my own before her1 so that ,i was afraid to look up4 ,when she saw this she said1 ,fear not2 and let not the strangeness of my presence affright you in any wise4 ,i saw your steps had gone astray2 and ,i had compassion on you and have come down from above to bring you timely succour4 ,hitherto your eyes have been darkened and you have looked too much1 yes1 far too much1 upon the things of earth4 ,if these so much delight you1 what shall be your rapture when you lift your gaze to things eternal6 ,when ,i heard her thus speak1 though my fear still clung about me with trembling voice ,i made reply in ,virgil's words-- ,what name to call thee by1 ,o ,virgin fair1 ,i know not1 for thy looks are not of earth ,and more than mortal seems thy countenance4#a ,i am that ,lady1 she answered1 whom you have depicted in your poem ,africa with rare art and skill1 and for whom1 like another ,amphion of ,thebes1 you have with poetic hands built a fair and glorious ,palace in the far ,west on ,atlas's lofty peak4 ,be not afraid1 then1 to listen and to look upon the face of her who1 as your finely-wrought allegory proves1 has been well-known to you from of old4 ,scarcely had she uttered these words when1 as ,i pondered all these things in my mind1 it occurred to me this could be none other than ,truth herself who thus spoke4 ,i remembered how ,i had described her abode on the heights of ,atlas2 yet was ,i ignorant from what region she had come1 save only that ,i felt assured she could have come from none other place than ,heaven4 ,therefore ,i turned my gaze towards her1 eagerly desiring to look upon her face2 but lo1 the eye of man is unable to gaze on that ethereal ,form1 wherefore again was ,i forced to turn them towards the ground4 ,when she took note of this1 after a short silence1 she spoke once more2 and1 questioning me many times1 she led me to engage with her in long discourse4 ,from this converse ,i was sensible of gaining a twofold benefit for ,i won knowledge1 and the very act of talking with her gave me confidence4 ,i found myself by degrees becoming able to look upon the face which at first dismayed me by its splendour1 and as soon as ,i was able to bear it without dread1 and gaze fixedly on her wondrous beauty1 ,i looked to see if she were accompanied with any other1 or had come upon the retirement of my solitude alone2 and as ,i did so ,i discerned at her side the figure of an aged man1 of aspect venerable and full of majesty4 ,there was no need to inquire his name4 ,his religious bearing1 modest brow1 his eyes full of dignity1 his measured step1 his ,african look1 but ,roman speech1 plainly declared him to be that most illustrious ,father1 ,augustine4 ,moreover1 he had so gracious a mien1 and withal so noble1 that one could not possibly imagine it to belong to any other than to him4 ,even so ,i was on the point of opening my lips to ask1 when at that moment ,i heard the name so dear to me uttered from the lips of ,truth herself4 ,turning herself to him1 as if to intervene upon his deep meditation1 she addressed him in these words3 ,augustine1 dear to me above a thousand others1 you know how devoted to yourself this man is1 and you are aware also with how dangerous and long a malady he is stricken1 and that he is so much nearer to ,death as he knows not the gravity of his disease4 ,it is needful1 then1 that one take thought for this man's life forthwith1 and who so fit to undertake the pious work as yourself8 ,he has ever been deeply attached to your name and person2 and all good doctrine is wont more easily to enter the mind of the disciple when he already starts with loving the ,master from whom he is to learn4 ,unless your present happiness has made you quite forget your former sorrow1 you will remember that when you were shut in the prison of the mortal body you also were subject to like temptation as his4 ,and if that were so1 most excellent ,physician of those passions yourself experienced1 even though your silent meditation be full of sweetness to your mind1 ,i beg that your sacred voice1 which to me is ever a delight1 shall break its silence1 and try whether you are able by some means to bring calm to one so deeply distressed4 ,augustine answered her3 ,you are my guide1 my ,counsellor1 my ,sovereign1 my ,ruler2 what is it1 then1 you would have me say in your presence8 ,i would1 she replied1 that some human voice speak to the ears of this mortal man4 ,he will better bear to hear truth so4 ,but seeing that whatever you shall say to him he will take as said by me1 ,i also will be present in person during your discourse4 ,augustine answered her1 ,the love ,i bear to this sick man1 as well as the authority of her who speaks1 make it my duty to obey4 ,then1 looking kindly at me and pressing me to his heart in fatherly embrace1 he led me away to the most retired corner he could find1 and ,truth herself went on a few steps in front4 ,there we all three sat down4 ,then while ,truth listened as the silent ,judge1 none other beside her being present1 we held long converse on one side and the other2 and because of the greatness of the theme1 the discourse between us lasted over three days4 ,though we talked of many things much against the manners of this age1 and on faults and failings common to mankind1 in such wise that the reproaches of the ,master seemed in a sense more directed against men in general than against myself1 yet those which to me came closest home ,i have graven with more especial vividness on the tablet of my memory4 ,that this discourse1 so intimate and deep1 might not be lost1 ,i have sot it down in writing and made this book2 not that ,i wish to class it with my other works1 or desire from it any credit4 ,my thoughts aim higher4 ,what ,i desire is that ,i may be able by reading to renew as often as ,i wish the pleasure ,i felt from the discourse itself4 ,so1 little ,book1 ,i bid you flee the haunts of men and be content to stay with me1 true to the title ,i have given you of ,my ,secret3 and when ,i would think upon deep matters1 all that you keep in remembrance that was spoken in secret you in secret will tell to me over again4 ,to avoid the too frequent iteration of the words said ,i1 said he1 and to bring the personages of the ,dialogue1 as it were1 before one's very eyes1 ,i have acted on ,cicero's method and merely placed the name of each interlocutor before each paragraph4#b ,my dear ,master learned this mode himself from ,plato4 ,but to cut short all further digression1 this is how ,augustine opened the discourse4 #a neid1 i4 #cbg-bh4 #b ,de ,amiciti1 i4 ,,dialogue ,,the ,,first ,s4 ,,augustine--,,petrarch ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what have you to say1 ,o man of little strength8 ,of what are you dreaming8 ,for what are you looking8 ,remember you not you are mortal8 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i remember it right well1 and a shudder comes upon me every time that remembrance rises in my breast4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,may you1 indeed1 remember as you say1 and take heed for yourself4 ,you will spare me much trouble by so doing4 ,for there con be no doubt that to recollect one's misery and to practise frequent meditation on death is the surest aid in scorning the seductions of this world1 and in ordering the soul amid its storms and tempests1 if only such meditation be not superficial1 but sink into the bones and marrow of the heart4 ,yet am ,i greatly afraid lest that happen in your case which ,i have seen in so many others1 and you be found deceiving your own self4 ,petrarch4 ,in what way do you mean8 ,for ,i do not clearly understand the drift of your remarks4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,o race of mortal men1 this it is that above all makes me astonished and fearful for you1 when ,i behold you1 of your own will clinging to your miseries2 pretending that you do not know the peril hanging over your heads and if one bring it under your very eyes1 you try to thrust it from your sight and put it afar off4 ,petrarch4 ,in what way are we so mad8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you suppose there is any living man so unreasonable that if he found himself stricken with a dangerous ailment he would not anxiously desire to regain the blessing of health8 ,petrarch4 ,i do not suppose such a case has ever been heard of4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and do you think if one wished for a thing with all one's soul one would be so idle and careless as not to use all possible means to obtain what one desired8 ,petrarch4 ,no one1 ,i think1 would be so foolish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,if we are agreed on these two points1 so we ought also to agree on a third4 ,petrarch4 ,what is this third point8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is this3 that just as he who by deep meditation has discovered he is miserable will ardently wish to be so no more2 and as he who has formed this wish will seek to have it realised1 so he who seeks will be able to reach what he wishes4 ,it is clear that the third step depends on the second as the second on the first4 ,and therefore the first should be1 as it were1 a root of salvation in man's heart4 ,now you mortal men1 and you yourself with all your power of mind1 keep doing your best by all the pleasures of the world to pull up this saving root out of your hearts1 which1 as ,i said1 fills me with horror and wonder4 ,with justice1 therefore1 you are punished by the loss of this root of salvation and the consequent loss of all the rest4 ,petrarch4 ,i foresee this complaint you bring is likely to be lengthy1 and take many words to develop it4 ,would you mind1 therefore1 postponing it to another occasion8 ,and that ,i may travel more surely to your conclusion1 may we send a little more time over the premisses8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i must concede something to1 your slowness of mind2 so please stop me at any point where you wish4 ,petrarch4 ,well1 if ,i must speak for myself1 ,i do not follow your chain of reasoning4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what possible obscurity is there in it8 ,what are you in doubt about now8 ,petrarch4 ,i believe there is a multitude of things for which we ardently long1 which we seek for with all our energy1 but which nevertheless1 however diligent we are1 we never have obtained and never shall4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that may be true of other desires1 but in regard to that we have now under discussion the case is wholly different4 ,petrarch4 ,what makes you say that8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,because every man who desires to be delivered from his misery1 provided only he desires sincerely and with all his heart1 cannot fail to obtain that which he desires4 ,petrarch4 ,o father1 what is this ,i hear8 ,there are few men indeed who do not feel they lack many things and who would not confess they were so far unhappy4 ,every one who questions his own heart will acknowledge it is so4 ,by natural consequence if the fulness of blessing makes man happy1 all things he lacks will so far make him unhappy4 ,this burden of unhappiness all men would fain lay down1 as every one is aware2 but every one is aware also that very few have been able4 ,how many there are who have felt the crushing weight of grief1 through bodily disease1 or the loss of those they loved1 or imprisonment1 or exile1 or hard poverty1 or other misfortunes it would take too long to tell over2 and yet they who suffer these things have only too often to lament that it is not permitted them1 as you suggest1 to be set free4 ,to me1 then1 it seems quite beyond dispute that a multitude of men are unhappy by compulsion and in spite of themselves4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i must take you a long way back1 and as one does with the very young whose wits are slight and slow1 ,i must ask you to follow out the thread of my discourse from its very simplest elements4 ,i thought your mind was more advanced1 and ,i had no idea you still needed lessons so childish4 ,ah1 if only you had kept in mind those true and saving maxims of the wise which you have so often read and re-read with me2 if1 ,i must take leave to say1 you had but wrought for yourself instead of others2 if you had but applied your study of so many volumes to the ruling of your own conduct1 instead of to vanity and gaining the empty praise of men1 you would not want to retail such low and absurd follies4 ,petrarch4 ,i know not where you want to take me1 but already ,i am aware of the blush mounting to my brow1 and ,i feel like schoolboys in presence of an angry master4 ,before they know what they are accused of they think of many offences of which they are guilty1 and at the very first word from the master's lips they are filled with confusion4 ,in like case ,i too am conscious of my ignorance and of many other faults1 and though ,i perceive not the drift of your admonition1 yet as ,i know almost everything bad may be brought against me1 ,i blush even before you have done speaking4 ,so pray state more clearly what is this biting accusation that you have made4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i shall have many things to lay to your charge presently4 ,just now what makes me so indignant is to hear you suppose that any one can become or can be unhappy against his will4 ,petrarch4 ,i might as well spare my blushes4 ,for what more obvious truth than this can possibly be imagined8 ,what man exists so ignorant or so far removed from all contact with the world as not to know that penury1 grief1 disgrace1 illness1 death1 and other evils too that are reckoned among the greatest1 often befall us in spite of ourselves1 and never with our own consent8 ,from which it follows that it is easy enough to know and to detest one's own misery1 but not to remove it2 so that if the two first steps depend on ourselves1 the third is nevertheless in ,fortune's hand4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,when ,i saw you ashamed ,i was ready to give you pardon1 but brazen impudence angers me more than error itself4 ,how is it you have forgotten all those wise precepts of ,philosophy1 which declare that no man can be made unhappy by those things you rattle off by name8 ,now if it is ,virtue only that makes the happiness of man1 which is demonstrated by ,cicero and a whole multitude of weighty reasons1 it follows of necessity that nothing is opposed to true happiness except what is also opposed to ,virtue4 ,this truth you can yourself call to mind even without a word from me1 at least unless your wits are very dull4 ,petrarch4 ,i remember it quite well4 ,you would have me bear in mind the precepts of the ,stoics1 which contradict the opinions of the crowd and are nearer truth than common custom is4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you would indeed be of all men the most miserable were you to try to arrive at the truth through the absurdities of the crowd1 or to suppose that under the leadership of blind guides you would reach the light4 ,you must avoid the common beaten track and set your aspirations higher2 take the way marked by the steps of very few who have gone before1 if you would be counted worthy to hear the ,poet's word-- ,on1 brave lad1 on6 your courage leading you1 ,so only ,heaven is scaled4#a ,petrarch4 ,heaven grant ,i may hear it ere ,i die6 ,but ,i pray you to proceed4 ,for ,i assure you ,i have by no means become shameless4 ,i do not doubt the ,stoics' rules are wiser far than the blunders of the crowd4 ,i await therefore your further counsel4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,since we are agreed on this1 that no one can become or be unhappy except through his own fault1 what need of more words is there8 ,petrarch4 ,just this need1 that ,i think ,i have seen very many people1 and ,i am one of them1 to whom nothing is more distressful than the inability to break the yoke of their faults1 though all their life long they make the greatest efforts so to do4 ,wherefore1 even allowing that the maxim of the ,stoics holds good1 one may yet admit that many people are very unhappy in spite of themselves1 yes1 and although they lament it and wish they were not1 with their whole heart4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,we have wandered somewhat from our course1 but we are slowly working back to our starting-point4 ,or have you quite forgotten whence we set out8 ,petrarch4 ,i had begun to lose sight of it1 but it is coming back to me now4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what ,i had set out to do with you was to make clear that the first step in avoiding the distresses of this mortal life and raising the soul to higher things is to practise meditation on death and on man's misery2 and that the second is to have a vehement desire and purpose to rise4 ,when these two things were present1 ,i promised a comparatively easy ascent to the goal of our desire4 ,unless haply to you it seems otherwise8 ,petrarch4 ,i should certainly never venture to affirm this1 for from my youth upwards ,i have had the increasing conviction that if in any matter ,i was inclined to think differently from yourself ,i was certain to be wrong4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,we will please waive all compliments4 ,and as ,i observe you are inclined to admit the truth of my words more out of deference than conviction1 pray feel at liberty to say whatever your real judgment suggests4 ,petrarch4 ,i am still afraid to be found differing1 but nevertheless ,i will make use of the liberty you grant4 ,not to speak of other men1 ,i call to witness ,her who has ever been the ruling spirit of my life2 you yourself also ,i call to witness how many times ,i have pondered over my own misery and over the subject of ,death2 with what floods of tears ,i have sought to wash away my stains1 so that ,i can scarce speak of it without weeping2 yet hitherto1 as you see1 all is in vain4 ,this alone leads me to doubt the truth of that proposition you seek to establish1 that no man has ever fallen into misery but of his own free will1 or remained1 miserable except of his own accord2 the exact opposite of which ,i have proved in my own sad experience4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that complaint is an old one and seems likely to prove unending4 ,though ,i have already several times stated the truth in vain1 ,i shall not cease to maintain it yet4 ,no man can become or can be unhappy unless he so chooses2 but as ,i said at the beginning1 there is in men a certain perverse and dangerous inclination to deceive themselves1 which is the most deadly thing in life4 ,for if it is true that we rightly fear being taken in by those with whom we live1 because our natural habit of trusting them tends to make us unsuspicious1 and the pleasantly familiar sound of their voice is apt to put us off our guard1--how much rather ought you to fear the deceptions you practise on yourself1 where love1 influence1 familiarity play so large a part1 a case wherein every one esteems himself more than he deserves1 loves himself more than he ought1 and where ,deceiver and ,deceived are one and the same person8 ,petrarch4 ,you have said this kind of thing pretty often to-day already4 ,but ,i do not recollect ever practising such deception on myself2 and ,i hope other people have not deceived me either4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,now at this very moment you are notably deceiving yourself when you boast never to have done such a thing at all2 and ,i have a good enough hope of your own wit and talent to make me think that if you pay close attention you will see for yourself that no man can fall into misery of his own will4 ,for on this point our whole discussion rests4 ,i pray you to think well before answering1 and give your closest attention1 and be jealous for truth more than for disputation1 but then tell me what man in the world was ever forced to sin8 ,for the ,seers and ,wise ,men require that sin must be a voluntary action1 and so rigid is their definition that if this voluntariness is absent then the sin also is not there4 ,but without sin no man is made unhappy1 as you agreed to admit a few minutes ago4 ,petrarch4 ,i perceive that by degrees ,i am getting away from my proposition and am being compelled to acknowledge that the beginning of my misery did arise from my own will4 ,i feel it is true in myself1 and ,i conjecture the same to be true of others4 ,now ,i beg you on your part to acknowledge a certain truth also4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what is it you wish me to acknowledge8 ,petrarch4 ,that as it is true no man ever fell involuntarily1 so this also is true that countless numbers of those who thus are voluntarily fallen1 nevertheless do not voluntarily remain so4 ,i affirm this confidently of my own self4 ,and ,i believe that ,i have received this for my punishment1 as ,i would not stand when ,i might1 so now ,i cannot rise when ,i would4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that is indeed a wise and true view to take4 ,still as you now confess you were wrong in your first proposition1 so ,i think you should own you are wrong in your second4 ,petrarch4 ,then you would say there is no distinction between falling and remaining fallen8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,no1 they are indeed different things2 that is to say1 different in time1 but in the nature of the action and in the mind of the person concerned they are one and the same4 ,petrarch4 ,i see in what knots you entangle me4 ,but the wrestler who wins his victory by a trick is not necessarily the stronger man1 though he may be the more practised4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is ,truth herself in whose presence we are discoursing4 ,to her1 plain simplicity is ever dear1 and cunning is hateful4 ,that you may see this beyond all doubt ,i will go forward from this point with all the plainness you can desire4 ,petrarch4 ,you could give me no more welcome news4 ,tell me1 then1 as it is a question concerning myself1 by what line of reasoning you mean to prove ,i am unhappy4 ,i do not deny that ,i am2 but ,i deny that it is with my own consent ,i remain so4 ,for1 on the contrary1 ,i feel this to be most hateful and the very opposite of what ,i wish4 ,but yet ,i can do nothing except wish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,if only the conditions laid down are observed1 ,i will prove to you that you are misusing words4 ,petrarch4 ,what conditions do you mean1 and how would you have me use words differently8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,our conditions were to lay aside all juggling with terms and to seek truth in all plain simplicity1 and the words ,i would have you use are these3 instead of saying you cannot1 you ought to say you will not4 ,petrarch4 ,there will be no end then to our discussion1 for that is what ,i never shall confess4 ,i tell you ,i know1 and you yourself are witness1 how often ,i have wished to and yet could not rise4 ,what floods of tears have ,i shed1 and all to no purpose8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,o yes1 ,i have witnessed many tears1 but very little will4 ,petrarch4 ,heaven is witness 7for indeed ,i think no man on this earth knows7 what ,i have suffered1 and how ,i have longed earnestly to rise1 if only ,i might4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,hush1 hush4 ,heaven and earth will crash in ruin1 the stars themselves will fall to hell1 and all harmonious ,nature be divided against itself1 sooner than ,truth1 who is our ,judge1 can be deceived4 ,petrarch4 ,and what do you mean by that8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i mean that your tears have often stung your conscience but not changed your will4 ,petrarch4 ,i wonder how many times ,i must tell you that it is just this impossibility of change which ,i bewail4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and ,i wonder how many times ,i must reply that it is want of will1 not want of power1 which is the trouble4 ,and yet ,i wonder not that now you find yourself involved in these perplexities2 in which in time past ,i too was tossed about1 when ,i was beginning to contemplate entering upon a new way of life4#b ,i tore my hair2 ,i beat my brow2 my fingers ,i twisted nervously2 ,i bent double and held my knees2 ,i filled the air of heaven with most bitter sighs2 ,i poured out tears like water on every side3 yet nevertheless ,i remained what ,i was and no other1 until a deep meditation at last showed me the root of all my misery and made it plain before my eyes4 ,and then my will after that became fully changed1 and my weakness also was changed in that same moment to power1 and by a marvellous and most blessed alteration ,i was transformed instantly and made another man1 another ,augustine altogether4 ,the full history of that transformation is known1 if ,i mistake not1 to you already in my ,confessions4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 in truth ,i know it well1 and never can ,i forget the story of that health-bringing fig-tree1 beneath whose shade the miracle took place4#c ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well indeed may you remember it4 ,and no tree to you should be more dear3 no1 not the myrtle1 nor the ivy1 nor the laurel beloved of ,apollo and ever afterwards favoured by all the band of ,poets1 favoured too by you1 above all1 who alone in your age have been counted worthy to be crowned with its leaves2 yet dearer than these should be to you the memory of that fig-tree1 for it greets you like some mariner coming into haven after many storms2 it holds out to you the path of righteousness1 and a sure hope which fadeth not away1 that presently the divine ,forgiveness shall be yours4 ,petrarch4 ,i would not say one word in contradiction4 ,go on1 ,i beseech you1 with what you have begun4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,this is what ,i undertook and will go on with1 to prove to you that so far you are like those many others of whom it may be said in the words of ,virgil-- ,unchanged their mind while vainly flow their tears4#d ,though ,i might multiply examples1 yet ,i will rather content myself with this alone1 that we might almost reckon as belonging to ourselves1 and so all the more likely to come home4 ,petrarch4 ,how wisely you have made choice2 for indeed it were useless to add more1 and no other could be so deeply graven in my heart4 ,great as the gulf which parts us may be--,i mean between you in your safe haven and me in peril of shipwreck1 you in felicity1 me in distress--still amid my winds and tempests ,i can recognise from time to time the traces of1 your own storm-tossed passions4 ,so that as often as ,i read the book of your ,confessions1 and am made partaker of your conflict between two contrary emotions1 between hope and fear1 7and weep as ,i read71 ,i seem to be hearing the story of my own self1 the story not of another's wandering1 but of my own4 ,therefore1 since now ,i have put away every inclination to mere dispute1 go on1 ,i beg1 as you desire4 ,for all my heart wishes now is not to hinder but only to follow where you lead4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i make no such demand on you as that4 ,for though a certain very wise man#e has laid it down that ,through overmuch contention truth is lost1 yet often it happens that a well-ordered discussion leads to truth4 ,it is not then expedient to accept everything advanced1 which is the token of a slack and sleepy mind1 any more than it is expedient to set oneself to oppose a plain and open truth1 which indicates only the mind of one who likes fighting for fighting's sake4 ,petrarch4 ,i understand and agree with you and will act on your advice4 ,now1 pray go on4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you admit1 therefore1 that the argument is just and the chain of reasoning valid1 when we say that a perfect knowledge of one's misery will beget a perfect desire to be rid of it1 if only the power to be rid may follow the desire4 ,petrarch4 ,i have professed that ,i will believe you in everything4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i feel there is still something you would like to urge1 even now4 ,do1 please1 confess it1 no matter what it may be4 ,petrarch4 ,nothing1 only that ,i am much amazed ,i to think ,i should never yet have wished what ,i have believed ,i always wished4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you still stick at that point4 ,o well1 to put an end to this kind of talk ,i will agree that you have wished sometimes4 ,petrarch4 ,what then8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you not remember the phrase of ,ovid-- ,to wish for what you want is not enough2 ,with ardent longing you must strive for it4#f ,petrarch4 ,i understand1 but thought that was just what ,i had been doing4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you were mistaken4 ,petrarch4 ,well1 ,i will believe so4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to make your belief certain1 examine your own conscience4 ,conscience is the best judge of virtue4 ,it is a guide1 true and unerring1 that weighs every thought and deed4 ,it will tell you that you have never longed for spiritual health as you ought1 but that1 considering what great dangers beset you1 your wishes were but feeble and ineffective4 ,petrarch4 ,i have been examining my conscience1 as you suggested4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what do you find8 ,petrarch4 ,that what you say is true4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,we have made a little progress1 if you are beginning to be awake4 ,it will soon be better with you now you acknowledge it was not well hitherto4 ,petrarch4 ,if it is enough to acknowledge1 ,i hope to be able to be not only well but quite well1 for never have ,i understood more clearly that my wishes for liberty and for an end to my misery have been too lukewarm4 ,but can it be enough to desire only8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,why do you ask8 ,petrarch4 ,i mean1 to desire without doing anything4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what you propose is an impossibility4 ,no one desires ardently and goes to sleep4 ,petrarch4 ,of what use is desire1 then8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,doubtless the path leads through many difficulties1 but the desire of virtue is itself a great part of virtue4 ,petrarch4 ,there you give me ground for good hope4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,all my discourse is just to teach you how to hope and to fear4 ,petrarch4 ,why to fear8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,then tell me why to hope8 ,petrarch4 ,because whereas so far ,i have striven1 and with much tribulation1 merely not to become worse1 you now open a way to me whereby ,i may become better and better1 even to perfection4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but maybe you do not think how toilsome that way is4 ,petrarch4 ,have you some now terror in store for me8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to desire is but one word1 but how many things go to make it up6 ,petrarch4 ,your words make me tremble4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,not to mention the positive elements in desire1 it involves the destruction of many other objects4 ,petrarch4 ,i do not quite take in your meaning4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the desire of all good cannot exist without thrusting out every lower wish4 ,you know how many different objects one longs for in life4 ,all these you must first learn to count as nothing before you can rise to the desire for the chief good2 which a man loves less when along with it he loves something else that does not minister to it4 ,petrarch4 ,i recognise the thought4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,how many men are there who have extinguished all their passions1 or1 not to speak of extinguishing1 tell me how many are there who have subdued their spirit to the control of ,reason1 and will dare to say1 ,i have no more in common with my body2 all that once seemed so pleasing to me is become poor in my sight4 ,i aspire now to joys of nobler nature8 ,petrarch4 ,such men are rare indeed4 ,and now ,i understand what those difficulties are with which you threatened me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,when all these passions are extinguished1 then1 and not till then1 will desire be full and free4 ,for when the soul is uplifted on one side to heaven by its own nobility1 and on the other dragged down to earth by the weight of the flesh and the seductions of the world1 so that it both desires to rise and also to sink at one and the same time1 then1 drawn contrary ways1 you find you arrive nowhither4 ,petrarch4 ,what1 then1 would you say a man must do for his soul to break the fetters of the world1 and mount up perfect and entire to the realms above8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what leads to this goal is1 as ,i said in the first instance1 the practice of meditation on death and the perpetual recollection of our mortal nature4 ,petrarch4 ,unless ,i am deceived1 there is no man alive who is more often revolving this thought in his heart than ,i4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah1 here is another delusion1 a fresh obstacle in your way6 ,petrarch4 ,what6 ,do you mean to say ,i am once more lying8 ,augustine4 ,i would sooner hear you use more civil language4 ,petrarch4 ,but to say the same thing8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 to say nothing else4 ,petrarch4 ,so then you mean ,i care nothing at all about death8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to tell the truth you think very seldom of it1 and in so feeble a way that your thought never touches the root of your trouble4 ,petrarch4 ,i supposed just the opposite4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i am not concerned with what you suppose1 but with what you ought to suppose4 ,petrarch4 ,well1 ,i may tell you that in spite of that ,i will suppose it no more1 if you prove to me that my supposition was a false one4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that ,i will do easily enough1 provided you are willing to admit the truth in good faith4 ,for this end ,i will call in a witness who is not far away4 ,petrarch4 ,and who may that be1 pray8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,your conscience4 ,petrarch4 ,she testifies just the contrary4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,when you make an obscure1 confused demand no witness can give precise or clear answers4 ,petrarch4 ,what has that to do with the subject1 ,i would like to know8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,much1 every way4 ,to see dearly1 listen well4 ,no man is so senseless 7unless he be altogether out of his mind7 as never once to remember his own weak nature1 or who1 if asked the question whether he were mortal and dwelt in a frail body1 would not answer that he was4 ,the pains of the body1 the onsets of fever1 attest the fact2 and whom has the favour of ,heaven made exempt8 ,moreover1 your friends are carried out to their burial before your eyes2 and this fills the soul with dread4 ,when one goes to the graveside of some friend of one's own age one is forced to tremble at another's fall and to begin feeling uneasy for oneself2 just as when you see your neighbour's roof on fire1 you cannot fool quite happy for your own1 because1 as ,horace puts it-- ,on your own head you see the stroke will fall4#g ,the impression will be more strong in case you see some sudden death carry off one younger1 more vigorous1 finer looking than yourself4 ,in such an event a man will say1 ,this one seemed to live secure1 and yet he is snatched off4 ,his youth1 his beauty1 his strength have brought him no help4 ,what ,god or what magician has promised me any surer warrant of security8 ,verily1 ,i too am mortal4 ,when the like fate befalls kings and rulers of the earth1 people of great might and such as are regarded with awe1 those who see it are struck with more dread1 are more shaken with alarm2 they are amazed when they behold a sudden terror1 or perchance hours of intense agony seize on one who was wont to strike terror into others4 ,from what other cause proceed the doings of people who seem beside themselves upon the death of men in highest place1 such as1 to take an instance from history1 the many things of this kind that1 as you have related1 were done at the funeral of ,julius ,csar8 ,a public spectacle like this strikes the attention and touches the heart of mortal men2 and what then they see in the case of another is brought home as pertaining also to themselves4 ,beside all these1 are there not the rage of savage boasts1 and of men1 and the furious madness of war8 ,are there not the falls of those great buildings which1 as some one neatly says1 are first the safeguards1 then the sepulchres of men8 ,are there not malignant motions of the air beneath some evil star and pestilential sky8 ,and so many perils on sea and land that1 look wheresoever you will1 you cannot turn your gaze anywhither but you will meet the visible image and memento of your own mortality4 ,petrarch4 ,i beg your pardon1 but ,i cannot wait any longer1 for1 as for having my reason fortified1 ,i do not think any more powerful aid can be brought than the many arguments you have adduced4 ,as ,i listened ,i wondered what end you were aiming at1 and when your discourse would finish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,as a matter of fact1 you have interrupted me1 and it has not yet reached its end4 ,however1 here is the conclusion--although a host of little pin-pricks play upon the surface of your mind1 nothing yet has penetrated the centre4 ,the miserable heart is hardened by long habit1 and becomes like some indurated stone2 impervious to warnings1 however salutary1 you will find few people considering with any seriousness the fact that they will die4 ,petrarch4 ,then few people are aware of the very definition of man1 which nevertheless is so hackneyed in the schools1 that it ought not merely to weary the ears of those who hear it1 but is now long since scrawled upon the walls and pillars of every room4 ,this prattling of the ,dialecticians will never come to an end2 it throws up summaries and definitions like bubbles1 matter indeed for endless controversies1 but for the most part they know nothing of the real truth of the things they talk about4 ,so1 if you ask one of this set of men for a definition of a man or of anything else1 they have their answer quite pat1 as the saying goes2 if you press him further1 he will lie low1 or if by sheer practice in arguing he has acquired a certain boldness and power of speech1 the very tone of the man will tell you he possesses no real knowledge of the thing he sets out to define4 ,the best way of dealing with this brood1 with their studied air of carelessness and empty curiosity1 is to launch at their head some such invective as this1 ,you wretched creatures1 why this everlasting labour for nothing2 this expense of wit on silly subtleties8 ,why in total oblivion of the real basis of things will you grow old simply conversant with words1 and with whitening hair and wrinkled brow1 spend all your time in babyish babble8 ,heaven grant that your foolishness hurt no one but yourselves1 and do as little harm as possible to the excellent minds and capacities of the young4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i agree that nothing half severe enough can be said of this monstrous perversion of learning4 ,but let me remind you that your zeal of denunciation has so carried you away that you have omitted to finish your definition of man4 ,petrarch4 ,i thought ,i had explained sufficiently1 but ,i will be more explicit still4 ,man is an animal1 or rather the chief of all animals4 ,the veriest rustic knows that much4 ,every schoolboy could tell you also1 if you asked him1 that man is1 moreover1 a rational animal and that he is mortal4 ,this definition1 then1 is a matter of common knowledge4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,no1 it is not4 ,those who are acquainted with it are very few in number4 ,petrarch4 ,how so8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,when you can find a man so governed by ,reason that all his conduct is regulated by her1 all his appetites subject to her alone1 a man who has so mastered every motion of his spirit by ,reason's curb that he knows it is she alone who distinguishes him from the savagery of the brute1 and that it is only by submission to her guidance that he deserves the name of man at all2 when you have found one so convinced of his own mortality as to have that always before his eyes1 always to be ruling himself by it1 and holding perishable things in such light esteem that he ever sighs after that life1 which ,reason always foresaw1 wherein mortality shall be cast away2 when you have found such a man1 then you may say that he has some true and fruitful idea of what the definition of man is4 ,this definition1 of which we were speaking1 ,i said it was given to few men to know1 and to reflect upon as the nature of the truth requires4 ,petrarch4 ,hitherto ,i had believed ,i was of that number4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have no doubt that when you turn over in your mind the many things you have learned1 whether in the school of experience or in your reading of books1 the thought of death has several times entered your head4 ,but still it has not sunk down into your heart as deeply as it ought1 nor is it lodged there as firmly as it should be4 ,petrarch4 ,what do you call sinking down into my heart8 ,though ,i think ,i understand1 ,i would like you to explain more clearly4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,this is what ,i mean4 ,every one knows1 and the greatest philosophers are of the same opinion1 that of all tremendous realities ,death is the most tremendous4 ,so true is this1 that from ever of old its very name is terrible and dreadful to hear4 ,yet though so it is1 it will not do that we hear that name but lightly1 or allow the remembrance of it to slip quickly from our mind4 ,no1 we must take time to realise it4 ,we must meditate with attention thereon4 ,we must picture to ourselves the effect of death on each several part of our bodily frame1 the cold extremities1 the breast in the sweat of fever1 the side throbbing with pain1 the vital spirits running slower and slower as death draws near1 the eyes sunken and weeping1 every look filled with tears1 the forehead pale and drawn1 the cheeks hanging and hollow1 the teeth staring and discoloured1 the nostrils shrunk and sharpened1 the lips foaming1 the tongue foul and motionless1 the palate parched and dry1 the languid head and panting breast1 the hoarse murmur and sorrowful sigh1 the evil smell of the whole body1 the horror of seeing the face utterly unlike itself--all these things will come to mind and1 so to speak1 be ready to one's hand1 if one recalls what one has seen in any close observation of some deathbed where it has fallen to our lot to attend4 ,for things seen cling closer to our remembrance than things heard4 ,and1 moreover1 it is not without a profound instinct of wisdom that in certain ,religious ,orders1 of the stricter kind1 the custom has survived1 even down to our own time 7though ,i do not think it makes for good character altogether71 of allowing the members to watch the bodies of the dead being washed and put in shrouds for their burial2 while the stern professors of the ,rule stand by1 in order that this sad and pitiful spectacle1 thrust forsooth beneath their very eyes1 may admonish their remembrance continually1 and affright the minds of those who survive from every hope of this transitory world4 ,this1 then1 is what ,i meant by sinking down deeply into the soul4 ,perchance you never name the name of ,death1 that so you may fall in with the custom of the time1 although nothing is more certain than the fact or more uncertain than the hour4 ,yet in daily converse you must often speak of things connected with it1 only they soon fly out of mind and leave no trace4 ,petrarch4 ,i follow your counsel the more readily because now ,i recognise much in your words that ,i have myself revolved in my own breast4 ,but please1 if you think it well1 will you impress some mark on my memory which will act as a warning to me and prevent me from this time henceforth from telling lies to myself and fondling my own mistakes4 ,for this1 it seems to me1 is what turns men from the right way1 that they dream they have already reached the goal1 and make therefore no effort any more4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i like to hear you speak so4 ,your words are those of a man alert and watchful1 who will not bear to be idle and trust to chance4 ,so here is a test which will never play you false3 every time you meditate on death without the least sign of motion1 know that you have meditated in vain1 as about any ordinary topic4 ,but if in the act of meditation you find yourself suddenly grow stiff1 if you tremble1 turn pale1 and feel as if already you endured its pains2 if at the same time you seem to yourself as if you were leaving your body behind1 and were forced to render up your account before the bar of eternal judgment1 of all the words and deeds of your past life1 nothing omitted or passed over2 that nothing any more is to be hoped for from good looks or worldly position1 nothing from eloquence1 or riches1 or power3 if you realise that this ,judge takes no bribe and that all things are naked and open in ,his sight2 that death itself will not turn aside for any plea2 that it is not the end of sufferings1 but only a passage3 if you picture to yourself a thousand forms of punishment and pain1 the noise and wailing of ,hell1 the sulphurous rivers1 the thick darkness1 and avenging ,furies1--in a word1 the fierce malignity everywhere of that dark abode2 and1 what is the climax of its horror1 that the misery knows no end1 and despair thereof itself is everlasting1 since the time of ,god's mercy is passed by2 if1 ,i say1 all these things rise up before your eyes at once1 not as fictions but as truth1 not as being possible1 but inevitable1 and of a surety bound to come1 yes1 and even now at the door2 and if you think on these things1 not lightly1 nor with desperation1 but full of hope in ,god1 and that ,his strong right hand is able and ready to pluck you out of so great calamities2 if you but show yourself willing to be healed and wishful to be raised up2 if you cleave to your purpose and persist in your endeavour1 then you may be assured you have not meditated in vain4 ,petrarch4 ,i will not deny you have terrified me greatly by putting so huge a mass of suffering before my eyes4 ,but may ,god give me such plenteous mercy as that ,i may steep my thought in meditations like these2 not only day by day1 but more especially at night1 when the mind1 with all its daily interests laid aside1 relaxes and is wont to return upon itself4 ,when ,i lay my body down1 as those who die1 and my shrinking mind imagines the hour itself with all its horrors is at hand3 so intently do ,i conceive it all1 as though ,i were in the very agony of dying1 that ,i shall seem to be already in the place of torment1 beholding what you speak of and every kind of anguish4 ,and so stricken shall ,i be at that sight1 so terrified and affrighted1 that ,i shall rise up 7,i know it7 before my horrified household and cry aloud1 ,what am ,i doing8 ,what suffering is this8 ,for what miserable destruction is ,fate keeping me alive8 ,jesu1 by ,thy mercy1 ,thou whom none yet hath conquered1 succour me1#h ,give ,thy right hand to me in misery ,through the dark waves1 ,o bear me up with ,thee1 ,that dying ,i may rest and be in peace4#i ,many other things shall ,i say to myself1 as one in a fever whose mind every chance impression carries hither and thither in his fear2 and then ,i go talking strangely to my friends1 weeping and making them weep1 and then presently after this we shall return to what we were before4 ,and since these things are so1 what is it1 ,i ask1 which holds me back8 ,what little hidden obstacle is there which makes it come to pass that hitherto all these meditations avail nothing but to bring me troubles and terrors3 and ,i continue the same man that ,i have ever been2 the same1 it may be1 as men to whom no reflections like these have ever come8 ,yet am ,i more miserable than they1 for they1 whatever may be their latter end1 enjoy at least the pleasures of the present time2 but as for me1 ,i know not either what my end will be1 and ,i taste no pleasure that is not poisoned with these embittering thoughts4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,vex not yourself1 ,i pray you1 when you ought rather to rejoice4 ,the more the sinner feels pleasure in his sin1 the more unhappy should we think him and the more in need of pity4 ,petrarch4 ,i suppose you mean that a man whose pleasures are uninterrupted comes to forget himself1 and is never led back into virtue's path2 but that he who amid his carnal delights is sometime visited with adversity will come to the recollection of his true condition just in proportion as he finds fickle and wayward ,pleasure desert him4 ,if both kind of life had one and the same end1 ,i do not see why he should not be counted the happier who enjoys the present time and puts off affliction to another day1 rather than the man who neither enjoys the present nor looks for any joy hereafter2 unless you are perhaps moved by this consideration that in the end the laughter of the former will be changed to more bitter tears8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 much more bitter4 ,for ,i have often noticed that if a man throws away the rein of reason altogether 7and in the most excessive pleasure of all this is commonly the case71 his fall is more dangerous than that of the man who may come rushing down from the same height1 but keeps still some hold1 though feebly1 on the reins4 ,but before all else ,i attach importance to what you said before1 that in the case of the one there is some hope of his conversion1 but in that of the other nothing remains but despair4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 that is my view also2 in the meanwhile1 however1 have you not forgotten my first question8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what was it8 ,petrarch4 ,concerning what keeps me back4 ,i asked you why ,i am the only one to whom the profound meditation on ,death1 that you said was so full of benefit1 brings no good whatever4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,in the first place it is perhaps because you look on death as something remote1 whereas when one thinks how very short life is and how many divers kinds of accidents befall it1 you ought not to think death is far away4 ,what deludes almost all of us1 as ,cicero says1 is that we regard death from afar off4 ,some correctors--,i would prefer to call them corruptors--of the text have wished to change the reading by inserting a negative before the verb1 and have maintained that he ought to have said1 ,we do ,,not regard death from afar off4 ,for the rest1 there is no one in his senses who does not see death one way or another1 and in reality ,cicero's word prospicere means to see from afar4 ,the one thing that makes so many people suffer illusion in their ideas on death is that they are wont to forecast for their own life some limit1 which is indeed possible according to nature1 but at which1 nevertheless1 very few arrive4 ,hardly any one1 in fact1 dies of whom the poet's line might not be quoted-- ,grey hairs and length of years he for himself ,expected4#aj ,the fault may touch you nearly1 for your age1 your vigorous constitution and temperate way of life perchance have fostered a like hope in your heart4 ,petrarch4 ,please do not suspect that of me4 ,god keep me from such madness-- ,as in that monster false to put my trust6#aa ,if ,i may borrow the words ,virgil puts in the mouth of his famous pilot ,palinurus4 ,for ,i too am cast upon a wide ocean1 cruel and full of storms4 ,i sail across its angry waves and struggle with the wind2 and the little boat ,i steer shivers and seems to be letting in the water in every part4 ,i know well she cannot hold out for long1 and ,i see ,i have no hope at all of safety unless the ,almighty ,pity put forth ,his strong right hand and guide my vessel rightly ere it be too late1 and bring me to shore-- ,so that ,i who have lived upon the waters may die in port4#ab ,of this ,i think ,i should have a good hope1 because it has never been my lot to put any confidence in those riches and power on which ,i see so many of my contemporaries1 yes1 and older men as well1 relying4 ,for what folly would it be to pass all one's life in toil and poverty and care1 heaping up riches1 just to die at last and have no time to enjoy them8 ,so1 then1 in truth1 ,i regard this dark shadow of death1 not as something afar off1 but very nigh and ever at the doors4 ,and ,i have not forgotten a certain little verse ,i wrote in my youth at the end of a letter to a friend-- ,e'en while we speak1 along a thousand ways ,with stealthy steps up to our very door ,death creeps4 ,if ,i could say words like these at that time of life1 what shall ,i say now that ,i am more advanced in age and more experienced in what life is8 ,for everything ,i see or hear or feel or think seems1 unless ,i deceive myself1 connected in my mind with that last end4 ,and yet the question still remains1 what is it that holds me back8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,give humble thanks to ,god who so regards you and guides you with his merciful rein1 and so pricks you with his spur4 ,it is not surely possible1 that he who thus has the thought of death before him day by day should ever be doomed to death eternal4 ,but since you feel1 and rightly so1 that something still is wanting1 ,i will try and unfold to you what it is1 and1 if ,god so please1 remove it also2 to the end that you may arise and with free1 uplifted mind shake off that old bondage that so long has kept you down4 ,petrarch4 ,o would that indeed you may prove able so to help me1 and ,i on my part be capable of receiving such a boon6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it shall be yours if you wish4 ,the thing is not impossible4 ,but in the nature of man's actions two things are required1 and if either be wanting1 the action will come to nought4 ,there must be will1 and that will must be so strong and earnest that it can deserve the name of purpose4 ,petrarch4 ,so let it be4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you know what stands in the way of your purpose of heart8 ,petrarch4 ,that is what ,i want to know2 what for so long ,i have earnestly desired to understand4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,then listen4 ,it was from ,heaven your soul came forth3 never will ,i assert a lower origin than that4 ,but in its contact with the flesh1 wherein it is imprisoned1 it has lost much of its first splendour4 ,have no doubt of this in your mind4 ,and not only is it so1 but by reason of the length of time it has in a manner fallen asleep2 and1 if one may so express it1 forgotten its own beginning and its heavenly ,creator4 ,and these passions that are born in the soul through its connection with the body1 and that forgetfulness of its nobler nature1 seem to me to have been touched by ,virgil with pen almost inspired when he writes-- ,the souls of men still shine with heavenly fire1 ,that tells from whence they come1 save that the flesh ,and limbs of earth breed dullness1 hence spring fears1 ,desire1 and grief and pleasures of the world1 ,and so1 in darkness prisoned1 they no more ,look upward to heaven's face4#ac ,do you not in the poet's words discern that monster with four heads so deadly to the nature of man8 ,petrarch4 ,i discern very clearly the fourfold passion of our nature1 which1 first of all1 we divide in two as it has respect to past and future1 and then subdivide again in respect of good and evil4 ,and so1 by these four winds distraught1 the rest and quietness of man's soul is perished and gone4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you discern rightly1 and the words of the ,apostle are fulfilled in us1 which say1 ,the corruptible body presseth down the soul1 and the earthly tabernacle weigheth down the mind that museth upon many things4#ad ,of a truth the countless forms and images of things visible1 that one by one are brought into the soul by the senses of the body1 gather there in the inner centre in a mass1 and the soul1 not being akin to these or capable of learning them1 they weigh it down and overwhelm it with their contrariety4 ,hence that plague of too many impressions tears apart and wounds the thinking faculty of the soul1 and with its fatal1 distracting complexity bars the way of clear meditation1 whereby it would mount up to the threshold of the ,one ,chief ,good4 ,petrarch4 ,you have spoken admirably of that plague in many places1 and especially in your book on ,true ,religion 7with which it is1 indeed1 quite incompatible74 ,it was but the other day that ,i lighted on that work of yours in one of my digressions from the study of philosophy and poetry1 and it was with very great eagerness that ,i began to peruse it4 ,indeed1 ,i was like a man setting out from his own country to see the world1 and coming to the gate of some famous city quite new to him1 where1 charmed by the novelty of all around1 he stops now here1 now there1 and looks intently on all that meets his gaze4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and yet in that book1 allowing for a difference of phraseology such as becomes a teacher of catholic truth1 you will find a large part of its doctrine is drawn from philosophers1 more especially from those of the ,platonist and ,socratic school4 ,and1 to keep nothing from you1 ,i may say that what especially moved me to undertake that work was a word of your favourite ,cicero4 ,god blessed that work of mine so that from a few seeds there came an abundant harvest4 ,but let us come back to the matter in hand4 ,petrarch4 ,as you wish2 but1 ,o best of ,fathers1 do not hide from me what that word was which gave you the starting-point of so excellent a work4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it was the passage where in a certain book ,cicero says1 by way of expressing his detestation of the errors of his time3 ,they could look at nothing with their mind1 but judged everything by the sight of their eyes2 yet a man of any greatness of understanding is known by his detaching his thought from objects of sense1 and his meditations from the ordinary track in which others move4#ae ,this1 then1 ,i took as my foundation1 and built upon it the work which you say has given you pleasure4 ,petrarch4 ,i remember the place2 it is in the ,tusculan ,orations4 ,i have been delighted to notice what a habit it is of yours to quote those words here and elsewhere in your works2 and they deserve it1 for they are words that seem to blend in one phrase truth and dignity and grace4 ,now1 since it seems good to you1 pray return to our subject4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,this1 then1 is that plague that has hurt you1 this is what will quickly drive you to destruction1 unless you take care4 ,overwhelmed with too many divers impressions made on it1 and everlastingly fighting with its own cares1 your weak spirit is crushed so that it has not strength to judge what it should first attack or to discern what to cherish1 what to destroy1 what to repel2 all its strength and what time the niggard hand of ,fate allows are not sufficient for so many demands4 ,so it suffers that same evil which befalls those who sow too many seeds in one small space of ground4 ,as they spring up they choke each other4 ,so in your overcrowded mind what there is sown can make no root and bear no fruit4 ,with no considered plan1 you are tossed now here now there in strange fluctuation1 and can never put your whole strength to anything4 ,hence it happens that whenever the generous mind approaches 7if it is allowed7 the contemplation of death1 or some other meditation that might help it in the path of life1 and penetrates by its own acumen to the depths of its own nature1 it is unable to stand there1 and1 driven by hosts of various cares1 it starts back4 ,and then the work1 that promised so well and seemed so good1 flags and grows unsteady2 and there comes to pass that inward discord of which we have said so much1 and that worrying torment of a mind angry with itself2 when it loathes its own defilements1 yet cleanses them not away2 sees the crooked paths1 yet does not forsake them2 dreads the impending danger1 yet stirs not a step to avoid it4 ,petrarch4 ,ah1 woe is me6 ,now you have probed my wound to the quick4 ,there is the seat of my pain1 from there ,i fear my death will come4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is well4 ,you are awakening to life4 ,but as we have now prolonged our discussion enough for to-day1 let us1 if you will1 defer the rest until to-morrow1 and let us take a breathing space in silence4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i am tired somewhat1 and most gladly shall ,i welcome quiet and rest4 #a neid1 ix4 #fda4 #b ,s4 ,augustine ,confessions1 viii4 #h4 #c ,s4 ,augustine ,confessions1 viii4 #ab4 #d neid1 iv4 #ddi4 #e ,publius ,cyrus4 #f ,ovid1 ,pontic41 ,,iii i4 #ce4 #g ,horace1 ,epist41 ,i4 #ah1 #hc4 #h neid1 vi #cfe4 #i ,ibid41 vi #cgj4 #aj neid1 x4 #fdi4 #aa ,ibid41 v4 #hdi4 #ab ,seneca1 ,letters1 xix4 #ac neid1 vi4 #gcj-cd4 #ad ,book of wisdom1 ix4 #ae #ae ,tusculan ,orations1 i4 #af4 ,,dialogue ,,the ,,second ,s4 ,,augustine--,,petrarch ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 have we rested long enough8 ,petrarch4 ,certainly1 if it so please you4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,let me hear if you feel now in good heart and confidence4 ,for when a man has been ill1 a hopeful spirit in him is no small sign of returning health4 ,petrarch4 ,what hope ,i have is no whit in myself3 ,god is my hope4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is wisely spoken4 ,and now ,i return to our theme4 ,many things are against you1 many temptations assail1 but you yourself still seem ignorant both of their numbers and their strength4 ,and what in warfare generally happens to one who1 from a distance1 sees some closely marshalled battalion1 has happened to you4 ,such a man is often deceived into thinking his foes fewer in number than they are4 ,but when they draw nearer1 when they have deployed their serried ranks before his eyes in all their martial pomp1 then his fears soon increase1 and he repents him of his boldness4 ,so likewise will it be with you when ,i shall display before your eyes1 on this side and on that1 all the evils that are pressing upon you and hemming you in from every quarter4 ,you will be ashamed of your own boldness1 you will be sorry you were so light-hearted1 and begin to bewail that in its sore straits your soul has been unable to break through the wedged phalanx of your foes4 ,you will discover presently how many foolish fancies of too easy victory you have let come into your mind1 excluding that wholesome dread to which ,i am endeavouring to bring you4 ,petrarch4 ,indeed1 you make me horribly afraid4 ,that my danger was great ,i have always been aware2 and now1 in spite of this1 you tell me ,i have very much under-estimated it1 and indeed that1 compared with what they should be1 my fears have been nothing at all4 ,what hope have ,i then left8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is never time to despair4 ,be sure of that4 ,despair is the very last and worst of evils1 and therefore ,i would have you make it a first principle to put it away wholly4 ,petrarch4 ,i knew the truth of the maxim1 but in my dread forgot it at the moment4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,now give me all your attention1 look and listen while ,i recall words of your favourite seer4 ,behold what foemen gather round your walls ,and at your gates make sharp their gleaming sword ,to murder you and yours4#a ,look what snares the world spreads for you2 what vanities it dangles before your eyes2 what vain cares it has to weigh you down4 ,to begin at the beginning1 consider what made those most noble spirits among all creatures fall into the abyss of ruin2 and take heed lest in like manner you also fall after them4 ,all your forethought1 all your care will be needed to save you from this danger4 ,think how many temptations urge your mind to perilous and soaring flights4 ,they make you dream of nobleness and forget your frailty2 they choke your faculties with fumes of self-esteem1 until you think of nothing else2 they lead you to wax so proud and confident in your own strength that at length you hate your ,creator4 ,so you live for self-pleasing and imagine that great things are what you deserve4 ,whereas if you had a truer remembrance1 great blessings ought to make you not proud but humble1 when you realise that they came to you for no merit of your own4 ,what need for me to speak of the ,eternal ,lord ,god when even to earthly lords men feel their minds more humbly bound if they experience any bounty of theirs which they are conscious of being undeserved4 ,do we not see them striving to merit afterwards what they feel they should have earned before8 ,now let your mind realise1 as it easily can1 on what paltry grounds your pride is set up4 ,you trust in your intellect2 you boast of what eloquence much reading has given you2 you take pleasure in the beauty of your mortal body4 ,yet do you not feel that in many things your intellect fails you8 ,are there not many things in which you cannot rival the skill of the humblest of mankind8 ,nay1 might ,i not go further and1 without mentioning mankind1 may ,i not say that with all your labour and study you will find yourself no match in skill for some of the meanest and smallest of ,god's creatures8 ,will you boast1 then1 of intellect after that8 ,and as for reading1 what has it profited you8 ,of the multitude of things you have perused how many have remained in your mind8 ,how many have struck root and borne fruit in due season8 ,search well your heart and you will find that the whole of what you know is but like a little shrunken stream dried by the summer heat compared to the mighty ocean4 ,and of what relevance is it to know a multitude of things8 ,suppose you shall have learned all the circuits of the heavens and the earth1 the spaces of the sea1 the courses of the stars1 the virtues of herbs and stones1 the secrets of nature1 and then be ignorant of yourself8 ,of what profit is it8 ,if by the help of ,scripture you shall have discovered the right and upward path1 what use is it if wrath and passion make you swerve aside into the crooked1 downward way8 ,supposing you shall have learned by heart the deeds of illustrious men of all the ages1 of what profit will it be if you yourself day by day care not what you do8 ,what need for me to speak of eloquence8 ,will not you yourself readily confess how often the putting any confidence in this has proved vain8 ,and1 moreover1 what boots it that others shall approve what you have said if in the court of your own conscience it stands condemned8 ,for though the applause of those who hear you may seem to yield a certain fruit which is not to be despised1 yet of what worth is it after all if in his heart the speaker himself is not able to applaud8 ,how petty is the pleasure that comes from the plaudits of the multitude6 ,and how can a man soothe and flatter others unless he first soothe and flatter himself8 ,therefore you will easily understand how often you are deluded by that glory you hope for from your eloquence1 and how your pride therein rests but upon a foundation of wind4 ,for what can be more childish1 nay1 might ,i not say more insane1 than to waste time and trouble over matters where all the things themselves are worthless and the words about them vain8 ,what worse folly than to go on blind to one's real defects1 and be infatuated with words and the pleasure of hearing one's own voice1 like those little birds they tell of who are so ravished with the sweetness of their own song that they sing themselves to death8 ,and furthermore1 in the common affairs of every-day life does it not often happen to you to find yourself put to the blush to discover that in the use of words you are no match even for some whom you think are very inferior men8 ,consider also how in ,nature there are many things for which names are altogether wanting1 and many more to which names have indeed been given1 but to express the beauty of them--as you know by experience--words are altogether inadequate4 ,how often have ,i heard you lament1 how often seen you dumb and dissatisfied1 because neither your tongue nor your pen could sufficiently utter ideas1 which nevertheless to your reflecting mind were very clear and intelligible8 ,what1 then1 is this ,eloquence1 so limited and so weak1 which is neither able to compass and bring within its scope all the things that it would1 nor yet to hold fast even those things that it has compassed8 ,the ,greeks reproach you1 and you in turn the ,greeks1 with having a paucity of words4 ,seneca1 it is true1 accounts their vocabulary the richer1 but ,cicero at the beginning of his treatise ,on the ,distinctions of ,good and ,evil makes the following declaration1 ,i cannot enough marvel whence should arise that insolent scorn of our national literature4 ,though this is not the place to discuss it1 yet ,i will express my conviction1 which ,i have often maintained1 not only that the ,latin tongue is not poor1 as it is the fashion to assert1 but that it is1 in fact1 richer than the ,greek2#b and as he frequently repeats elsewhere the same opinion1 so1 especially in the ,tusculan ,orations1 he exclaims1 ,thou ,greek that countest thyself rich in words1 how poor art thou in phrases4#c ,this is the saying1 mark you1 of one who know quite well that he was the prince of ,latin oratory1 and had already shown that he was not afraid to challenge ,greece for the palm of literary glory4 ,let me add that ,seneca1 so notable an admirer of the ,greek tongue1 says in his ,declamations1 ,all that ,roman eloquence can bring forward to rival or excel the pride of ,greece is connected with the name of ,cicero4#d ,a magnificent tribute1 but unquestionably true6 ,there is1 then1 as you see1 on the subject of the primacy in ,eloquence a very great controversy1 not only between you and the ,greeks1 but among our own most learned writers themselves4 ,there are in our camp those who hold for the ,greeks1 and it may be among them there are some who hold for us1 if at least we may judge from what is reported of the illustrious philosopher ,plutarch4 ,in a word1 ,seneca1 who is ours1 while doing all justice to ,cicero1 gives his final verdict for the ,greeks1 notwithstanding that ,cicero is of the contrary opinion4 ,as to my own opinion on the question in debate1 ,i consider that both parties to the controversy have some truth on their side when they accuse both ,latin and ,greek of poverty of words3 and if this judgment be correct in regard to two such famous languages1 what hope is there for any other8 ,bethink you therefore what sort of confidence you can have in your own simple powers when the whole resources of that people of which you are but a little part are adjudged poor1 and how ashamed you should be to have spent so much time in pursuing something which cannot be attained1 and which1 if it could be1 would prove after all but vanity itself4 ,i will pass on to other points4 ,are you perhaps inclined to plume yourself on your physical advantages8 ,but think what a thread they hang upon6 ,what is it you are most pleased with in this way8 ,is it your good health and strength8 ,but truly nothing is more frail4 ,it is proved by the fatigue you suffer from even little things4 ,the various maladies to which the body is liable2 the stings of insects2 a slight draught of air1 and a thousand other such small vexations all tell the same tale4 ,will you perchance be taken in by your own good-looking face1 and when you behold in the glass your smooth complexion and comely features are you minded to be smitten1 entranced1 charmed8 ,the story of ,narcissus has no warning for you1 and1 content with gazing only at the outward envelope of the body1 you consider not that the eyes of the mind tell you how vile and plain it is within4 ,moreover1 if you had no other warning1 the stormy course of life itself1 which every day robs you of something1 ought to show you how transient and perishing that flower of beauty is4 ,and if1 perhaps1 which you will hardly dare affirm1 you fancy yourself invincible by age1 by illness1 and whatever else may change the grace of bodily form1 you have at least not forgotten that ,last ,enemy which destroys all1 and you will do well to engrave in your inmost heart and mind this word of the satirist-- ',tis death alone compels us all to see ,what little things we are4#e ,here1 unless ,i am mistaken1 are the causes that inflate your mind with pride1 forbid you to recognise your low estate1 and keep you from the recollection of death4 ,but others there still are that ,i now propose to pass in review4 ,petrarch4 ,stop a little1 ,i beg you1 lest1 overwhelmed by the weight of so many reproaches1 ,i have no strength or spirit to reply4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,by all means say on4 ,gladly will ,i hold my peace4 ,petrarch4 ,you have astonished me not a little by casting in my teeth a multitude of things of which ,i am perfectly sure they have never entered my head at all4 ,you allege that ,i trusted in my own intelligence4 ,but surely the one sign ,i have given of possessing some little intelligence is that never have ,i counted on that faculty at all4 ,shall ,i pride myself on much reading of books1 which with a little wisdom has brought me a thousand anxieties8 ,how can you say ,i have sought the glory of eloquence1 ,i1 who1 as you yourself acknowledged a moment ago1 am wont above all things to complain that speech is inadequate to my thoughts8 ,unless you wish to try and prove the contrary1 ,i may say that you know ,i am always conscious of my own littleness1 and that if by chance ,i have ever thought myself to be anything1 such a thought has come but rarely and then only from seeing the ignorance of other men2 for1 as ,i often remark1 we are reduced to acknowledge1 according to ,cicero's celebrated phrase1 that what powers we may possess come rather from the feebleness of others than from any merit in ourselves4 ,but even were ,i endowed as richly as you imagine with those advantages of which you speak1 what is there so magnificent about them that ,i should be vain8 ,i am surely not so forgetful of myself nor so feather-brained as to let myself trouble about cares of that sort4 ,for what use in the world are intellect1 knowledge1 eloquence1 if they can bring no healing to a soul diseased8 ,i remember having given expression already in one of my letters to my sad sense of this truth4 ,as to what you remarked with an air of quasi gravity about my physical advantages1 ,i must confess it makes me smile4 ,that ,i of all men should be thought to have plumed myself on my mortal and perishing body1 when every day of my life ,i feel in it the ravages of time at work6 ,heaven save me from such folly6 ,i will not deny that in the days of my youth ,i took some care to trim my head and to adorn my face2 but the taste for that kind of thing has gone with my early years1 and ,i recognise now the truth of that saying of the ,emperor ,domitian who1 writing of himself in a letter to a lady friend1 and complaining of the too swift decay of the goodliness of man1 said1 ,know you that nothing is so sweet1 but nothing also is so fleeting1 as the beauty of the body4#f ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it would be an easy task to refute all you have advanced1 but ,i prefer that your own conscience should send the shaft of shame to your heart rather than words of mine4 ,i will not labour the point or draw the truth from you by torture2 but as those who take revenge magnanimously1 ,i will merely prefer a simple request that you will continue to avoid what you profess you have hitherto avoided4 ,if by any chance the fashion of your countenance should at any time have stirred the least motion of conceit1 then ,i beg you to reflect what soon those bodily members must become1 though now they please your eye3 think how their destiny is to be foul and hideous1 and what repulsion they would cause even in yourself were you able to see them then4 ,then call often to mind this maxim of the ,philosopher3 ,i was born for some higher destiny than to be the slave of my body4#g ,assuredly it is the very climax of folly to see men neglect their real selves in order to cosset the body and limbs in which they dwell4 ,if a man is imprisoned for a little while in some dungeon1 dark1 damp1 and dirty1 would he not seem to have lost his senses if he did not shield himself as far as he was able from any contact with the walls and soil8 ,and with the expectation of freedom would he not eagerly listen for the footsteps of his deliverer8 ,but if giving up that expectation1 covered with filth and plunged in darkness1 he dreads to leave his prison2 if he turns all his attention to painting and adorning the walls which shut him in1 in a vain endeavour to counteract the nature of his dripping prison-house1 will he not rightly be counted a wretched fool8 ,well1 you yourself know and love your prison-house1 wretched that you are6 ,and on the very eve of your issuing or being dragged therefrom you chain yourself more firmly in it1 labouring to adorn what you ought to despise1 if you would follow the advice you yourself had tendered to the father of the great ,scipio in your poem called ,africa4 ,the bonds and fetters known and suffered long1 ,the clogs on liberty are hateful to us1 ,and the new freedom now attained we love4#h ,wonderful is it if you made others give the counsel which you yourself refuse6 ,but ,i cannot disguise from you one word in your discourse which to you may seem very humble1 but to me seems full of pride and arrogance4 ,petrarch4 ,i am sorry if ,i have in any way expressed myself arrogantly1 but if the spirit is the true rule of one's deeds and words1 then my own bears me witness that ,i intended nothing in that sense4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to depreciate others is a kind of pride more intolerable than to exalt oneself above one's due measure2 ,i would much rather see you exalt others and then put yourself above them than degrade all the world in a heap at your feet1 and by a refinement of pride fashion for yourself a shield of humanity out of scorn for your neighbour4 ,petrarch4 ,take it how you will1 ,i profess but small esteem either for others or myself4 ,i am ashamed to tell you what experience has made me think of the majority of mankind4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is very prudent to despise oneself2 but it is very dangerous and very useless to despise others4 ,however1 let us proceed4 ,are you aware of what still makes you turn from the right way8 ,petrarch4 ,pray say anything you like1 only do not accuse me of envy4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,please ,god may pride have done you as little hurt as envy6 ,so far as ,i judge1 you have escaped this sin1 but ,i have others whereof to accuse you4 ,petrarch4 ,still you will not vex me whatever reproaches you may bring4 ,tell me freely everything that leads me astray4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the desire of things temporal4 ,petrarch4 ,come1 come6 ,i truly have never heard anything so absurd4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,there6 you see everything vexes you4 ,you have forgotten your promise4 ,this is not1 however1 any question of envy4 ,petrarch4 ,no1 but of cupidity1 and ,i do not believe there is a man in the world more free of this fault than myself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are great at self-justification1 but1 believe me1 you are not so clear of this fault as you think you are4 ,petrarch4 ,what8 do you mean to say that ,i1 ,i am not free from the reproach of cupidity8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i do1 and that you are likewise guilty of ambition4 ,petrarch4 ,go on1 ill-treat me more still1 double your reproaches1 make full proof of your work of an accuser4 ,i wonder what fresh blow you have in store for me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what is mere truth and right testimony you call accusation and ill-treatment4 ,the satirist was quite right who wrote-- ,to speak the truth to men is to accuse4#i ,and the saying of the comic poet is equally true-- ',tis flattery makes friends and candour foes4#aj ,but tell me1 pray1 what is the use of this irritation and anger that makes you so on edge8 ,was it necessary in a life so short to weave such long hopes8 ,have no long hopes6 life's shortness cries to man4#aa ,you read that often enough but take no count of it4 ,you will reply1 ,i suppose1 that you do this from a tender solicitude for your friends1 and so find a fair pretext for your error2 but what madness it is1 under pretext of friendship to others1 to declare war on yourself and treat yourself as an enemy4 ,petrarch4 ,i am neither covetous nor inhuman enough to be without solicitude for my friends1 especially for those whose virtue or deserts attach me to them1 for it is those whom ,i admire1 revere1 love1 and compassionate2 but1 on the other hand1 ,i do not pretend to be generous enough to court my own ruin for the sake of my friends4 ,what ,i desire is so to manage my affairs as to have a decent subsistence while ,i live2 and as you have delivered a shot at me from ,horace1 let me also from the same poet put up a shield in self-defence and profess my desire is the same as his1-- ,let me have books and stores for one year hence1 ,nor make my life one flutter of suspense6#ab ,and further how ,i shape my course so that ,i may in the same poet's words-- ,pass my old age and not my honour lose1 ,and1 if ,i may1 still serve the lyric ,muse4#ac ,let me own also that ,i dread very much the rocks ahead if life should be prolonged1 and so would provide beforehand for this double wish of mine to blend with my work for the ,muses some simpler occupation in household affairs4 ,but this ,i do with such indifference that it is plain enough ,i only descend to such necessities because ,i am so obliged4 ,augustine4 ,i see clearly how these pretexts texts which serve as an excuse for your folly have penetrated deeply into your very spirit4 ,how is it1 then1 you have not engraved equally deeply in your heart the words of the satirist-- ,why keep such hoarded gold to vex the mind8 ,why should such madness still delude mankind8 ,to scrape through life on water and dry bread ,that you may have a fortune when you're dead8#ad ,undoubtedly it is more because you think that it is a fine thing to die in a winding-sheet of purple1 and rest in a marble tomb1 and leave to your heirs the business of disputing over a great succession1 than that you yourself care for the money which wins such advantages4 ,it is a futile trouble1 believe me1 and quite devoid of good sense4 ,if you will steadily observe human nature1 you will discover that in a general way it is content with very little1 and1 in your case particularly1 there is hardly a man who needs less for his satisfaction1 unless you had been blinded by prejudices4 ,doubtless the poet was thinking of the average run of men1 or possibly his own actual self1 when he said-- ,my sorry fare is dogwood fruit2 ,i pluck ,wild herbs and roots that in the fields do grow1 ,and a few berries4#ae ,but1 unlike him1 you will acknowledge yourself that such a mode of life is far from sorry1 and that in fact nothing would be pleasanter if you were to consult only your own taste and not the customs of a deluded world4 ,why1 then1 continue to torment yourself8 ,if you order your life as your nature dictates1 you were rich long ago1 but you never will be able to be rich if you follow the standard of the world2 you will always think something wanting1 and in 'rushing after it you will find yourself swept away by your passion4 ,do you remember with what delight you used to wander in the depth of the country8 ,sometimes1 laying yourself down on a bed of turf1 you would listen to the water of a brook murmuring over the stones2 at another time1 seated on some open hill1 you would let your eye wander freely over the plain stretched at your feet2 at others1 again1 you enjoyed a sweet slumber beneath the shady trees of some valley in the noontide heat1 and revelled in the delicious silence4 ,never idle1 in your soul you would ponder over some high meditation1 with only the ,muses for your friends--you were never less alone than when in their company1 and then1 like the old man in ,virgil who reckoned himself ,as rich askings1 when1 at the close of day1 ,home to his cot he took his happy way1 ,and on his table spread his simple fare1 ,fresh from the meadow without cost or care1#af you would come at sunset back to your humble roof2 and1 contented with your good things1 did you not find yourself the richest and happiest of mortal men8 ,petrarch4 ,ah1 well-a-day6 ,i recall it all now1 and the remembrance of that time makes me sigh with regret4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,why--why do you speak of sighing8 ,and who1 pray1 is the author of your woes8 ,it is1 indeed1 your own spirit and none other which too long has not dared to follow the true law of its nature1 and has thought itself a prisoner only because it would not break its chain4 ,even now it is dragging you along like a runaway horse1 and unless you tighten the rein it will rush you to destruction4 ,ever since you grew tired of your leafy trees1 of your simple way of life1 and society of country people1 egged on by cupidity1 you have plunged once more into the midst of the tumultuous life of cities4 ,i read in your face and speech what a happy and peaceful life you lived2 for what miseries have you not endured since then8 ,too rebellious against the teachings of experience1 you still hesitate6 ,it is without a doubt the bonds of your own sins that keep you back1 and ,god allows that1 as you passed your childhood under a harsh muster1 so1 though you once became free1 you have again fallen into bondage1 and there will end your miserable old age4 ,verily1 ,i was at your side once1 when1 quite young1 unstained by avarice or ambition1 you gave promise of becoming a great man2 now1 alas1 having quite changed your character1 the nearer you get to the end of your journey the more you trouble yourself about provisions for the way4 ,what remains then but that you will be found1 when the day comes for you to die--and it may be even now at hand1 and certainly cannot be any great way off--you will be found1 ,i say1 still hungering after gold1 poring half-dead over the calendar8 ,for those anxious cares1 which increase day after day1 must by necessity at last have grown to a huge figure and a prodigious amount4 ,petrarch4 ,well1 after all1 if ,i foresee the poverty of old age1 and gather some provision against that time of weariness1 what is there so much to find fault with8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah6 ludicrous anxiety and tragic neglect1 to worry and trouble yourself about a time at which you may never arrive and in which you assuredly will not have long to stay1 and yet to be quite oblivious of that end at which you cannot help arriving1 and of which there is no remedy when you once have reached it4 ,but such is your execrable habit--to care for what's temporal1 and be careless for all that's eternal4 ,as for this delusion of providing a shield against old age1 no doubt what put it into your head was the verse in ,virgil which speaks of ,the ant who dreads a destitute old age4#ag ,and so you have made an ant your mentor and you are as excusable as the satiric poet who wrote-- ,some people1 like the ant1 fear hunger and cold1#ah but if you are going to put no limit to the following of ants1 you will discover that there is nothing more melancholy and nothing more absurd than to ward off poverty one day by loading yourself with it all your days4 ,petrarch4 ,what will you say next6 ,do you counsel me to court ,poverty8 ,i have no longing for it1 but ,i will bear it with courage if ,fortune1 who delights to overturn human affairs1 reduces me to it4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,my opinion is that in every condition man should aim at the golden mean4 ,i would not then restrict you to the rules of those who say1 ,all that is needed for man's life is bread and water2 with these none is poor2 whosoever desires no more than these will rival in felicity the ,father of the ,gods4#ai ,no1 ,i do not tie man's life down to dry bread and water2 such maxims are as extreme as they are troublesome and odious to listen to4 ,also1 in regard to your infirmity1 what ,i enjoin is not to over-indulge natural appetite1 but to control it4 ,what you already have would be sufficient for your wants if you had known how to be sufficient to yourself4 ,but as it is you are yourself the cause of your own poverty4 ,to heap up riches is to heap up cares and anxieties4 ,this truth has been proved so continually that there is no need to bring more arguments4 ,what a strange delusion1 what a melancholy blindness of the soul of man1 whose nature is so noble1 whose birth is from above1 that it will neglect all that is lofty and debase itself to care for the metals of the earth4 ,every time you have been drawn by these hooks of cupidity you come down from your high meditations to these grovelling thoughts1 and do you not feel each time as if hurled from heaven to earth1 from the bosom of the stars to a bottomless pit of blackness8 ,petrarch4 ,yes2 in truth1 ,i feel it1 and one knows not how to express what ,i have suffered in my fall4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,why1 then1 are you not afraid of a danger you have so often experienced8 ,and when you were raised up to the higher life1 why did you not attach yourself to it more firmly8 ,petrarch4 ,i make all the efforts ,i can to do so2 but inasmuch as the various exigencies of our human lot shake and unsettle me1 ,i am torn away in spite of myself4 ,it is not without reason1 ,i imagine1 that the poets of antiquity dedicated the double peaks of ,parnassus to two different divinities4 ,they desired to beg from ,apollo1 whom they called the god of ,genius1 the interior resources of the mind1 and from ,bacchus a plentiful supply of external goods1 way of regarding it is suggested to me not only by the teaching of experience1 but by the frequent testimony of wise men whom ,i need not quote to you4 ,moreover1 although the plurality of deities may be ridiculous1 this opinion of the ,poets is not devoid of common sense4 ,and in referring a like twofold supplication to the one ,god from whom all good comes down1 ,i do not think ,i can be called unreasonable1 unless indeed you hold otherwise4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i deny not you are right in your view1 but the poor way you divide your time stirs my indignation4 ,you had already devoted your whole life to honourable work2 if anything compelled you to spend any of your time on other occupations1 you regarded it as lost4 ,but ,i now you only concede to what is ,good and ,beautiful the moments you can spare from avarice4 ,any man in the world would desire to reach old age on such terms as that2 but what limit or check would be to such a state of mind8 ,choose for yourself some defined goal1 and when you have attained it1 then stay there and breathe awhile4 ,doubtless you know that the saying ,i am about to quote is from lips of man1 but has all the force of a divine oracle-- ,the miser's voice for ever cries1 ,give1 give2 ,then curb your lusts if you would wisely live4#bj ,petrarch4 ,neither to want nor to abound1 neither to command others or obey them--there you have my heart's wish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,then you must drop your humanity and become ,god1 if you would want nothing4 ,can you be ignorant that of all the creatures ,man is the one that has most wants8 ,petrarch4 ,many a time have ,i heard that said1 but ,i would still like to hear it afresh from your lips and lodge it in my remembrance4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,behold him naked and unformed1 born in wailings and tears1 comforted with a few drops of milk1 trembling and crawling1 needing the hand of another1 fed and clothed from the beasts of the field1 his body feeble1 his spirit restless1 subject to all kinds of sickness1 the prey of passions innumerable1 devoid of reason1 joyful to-day1 to-morrow sorrowful1 in both full of agitation1 incapable of mastering himself1 unable to restrain his appetite1 ignorant of what things are useful to him and in what proportion1 knowing not how to control himself in meat or drink1 forced with great labour to gain the food that other creatures find ready at their need1 made dull with sleep1 swollen with food1 stupefied with drink1 emaciated with watching1 famished with hunger1 parched with thirst1 at once greedy and timid1 disgusted with what he has1 longing after what he has lost1 discontented alike with past1 present and future1 full of pride in his misery1 and aware of his frailty1 baser than the vilest worms1 his life is short1 his days uncertain1 his fate inevitable1 since ,death in a thousand forms is waiting for him at last4 ,petrarch4 ,you have so piled up his miseries and beggary that ,i feel it were good if ,i had never been born4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yet1 in the midst of such wretchedness and such deep destitution of good in man's estate1 you go on dreaming of riches and power such as neither emperors nor kings have ever fully enjoyed4 ,petrarch4 ,kindly tell me who ever made use of those words8 ,who spoke either of riches or of power8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you imply both1 for what greater riches can there be than to lack nothing8 ,what greater power than to be independent of every one else in the world8 ,certainly those kings and masters of the earth whom you think so rich have wanted a multitude of things4 ,the generals of great armies depend on those whom they seem to command1 and1 kept in check by their armed legions1 they find the very soldiers who render them invincible also render them in turn helpless4 ,give up1 therefore1 your dreams of the impossible1 and be content to accept the lot of humanity2 learn to live in want and in abundance1 to command and to obey1 without desiring1 with those ideas of yours1 to shake off the yoke of fortune that presses even on kings4 ,you will only be free from this yoke when1 caring not a straw for human passions1 you bend your neck wholly to the rule of ,virtue4 ,then you will be free1 wanting nothing1 then4 you will be independent2 in a word1 then you will be a king1 truly powerful and perfectly happy4 ,petrarch4 ,now ,i do indeed repent for all that is past1 and ,i desire nothing4 ,but ,i am still in bondage to one evil habit and am conscious always of a certain need at the bottom of my heart4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 to come back to our subject1 there is the very thing which keeps you back from the contemplation of death4 ,it is that which makes you harassed with earthly anxieties2 you do not lift up your heart at all to higher things4 ,if you will take my counsel you will utterly cast away these anxieties1 which are as so many dead weights upon the spirit1 and you will find that it is not so hard after all to order your life by your nature1 and let that rule and govern you more than the foolish opinions of the crowd4 ,petrarch4 ,i will do so very willingly1 but may ,i ask you to finish what you were beginning to say about ambition1 which ,i have long desired to hear8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,why ask me to do what you can quite well do for yourself8 ,examine your own heart2 you will see that among its other faults it is not ambition which holds the least place there4 ,petrarch4 ,it has profited me nothing then to have fled from towns whenever ,i could1 to have thought scorn of the world and public affairs1 to have gone into the recesses of the woods and silence of the fields1 to have proved my aversion from empty honours1 if still ,i am to be accused of ambition4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you renounce many things well1--all you mortal men2 but not so much2 because you despise them as because you despair of getting them4 ,hope and desire inflame each other by the mutual stings of those passions1 so that when the one grows cold the other dies away1 and when one gets warm the other boils over4 ,petrarch4 ,why1 then1 should ,i not hope8 ,was ,i quite destitute of any accomplishment8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i am not now speaking of your accomplishments1 but certainly you had not those by help of which1 especially in the present day1 men mount to high places2 ,i mean the art of ingratiating yourself in the palaces of the great1 the trick of flattery1 deceit1 promising1 lying1 pretending1 dissembling1 and putting up with all kinds of slights and indignities4 ,devoid of these accomplishments and others of the kind1 and seeing clearly that you could not overcome nature1 you turned your steps elsewhere4 ,and you acted wisely and with prudence1 for1 as ,cicero expresses it1 to contend against the gods as did the giants1 what is it but to make war with nature itself4#ba ,petrarch4 ,farewell such honours as these1 if they have to be sought by such means6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,your words are golden1 but you have not convinced me of your innocence1 for you do not assert your indifference to honours so much as to the vexations their pursuit involves1 like the man who pretended he did not want to see ,rome because he really would not endure the trouble of the journey thither4 ,observe1 you have not yet desisted from the pursuit of honour1 as you seem to believe and as you try to persuade me4 ,but leave off trying to hide behind your finger1 as the saying goes2 all your thoughts1 all your actions are plain before my eyes3 and when you boast of having fled from cities and become enamoured of the woods1 ,i see no real excuse1 but only a shifting of your culpability4 ,we travel many ways to the same end1 and1 believe me1 though you have left the road worn by feet of the crowd1 you still direct your feet by a side-path towards this same ambition that you say you have thought scorn of2 it is repose1 solitude1 a total disregard of human affairs1 yes1 and your own activities also1 which just at present take you along that chosen path1 but the end and object is glory4 ,petrarch4 ,you drive me into a corner whence ,i think1 however1 ,i could manage to escape2 but1 as the time is short and we must discriminate between many things1 let us proceed1 if you have no objection4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,follow me1 then1 as ,i go forward4 ,we will say nothing of gourmandising1 for which you have no more inclination than a harmless pleasure in an occasional meeting with a few friends at the hospitable board4 ,but ,i have no fear for you on this score1 for when the country has regained its denizen1 now snatched away to the towns1 these temptations will disappear in a moment2 and ,i have noticed1 and have pleasure in acknowledging1 that when you are alone you live in such a simple way as to surpass your friends and neighbours in frugality and temperance4 ,i leave on one side anger also1 though you often get carried away by it more than is reasonable1 yet at the same time1 thanks to your sweet natural temperament1 you commonly control the motions of your spirit1 and recall the advice of ,horace-- ,anger's a kind of madness1 though not long2 ,master the passion1 since it's very strong2 ,and1 if you rule it not1 it will rule you1 ,so put the curb on quickly4#bb ,petrarch4 ,that saying of the poet1 and other words of philosophy like it1 have helped me a little1 ,i own2 but what has helped me above all is the thought of the shortness of life4 ,what insensate folly to spend in hating and hurting our fellow-men the few days we pass among them6 ,soon enough the last day of all will arrive1 which will quite extinguish this flame in human breasts and put an end to all our hatred1 and if we have desired for any of them nothing worse than death1 our evil wish will soon be fulfilled4 ,why1 then1 seek to take one's life or that of others8 ,why let pass unused the better part of a time so short8 ,when the days are hardly long enough for honest joys of this life1 and for meditating on that which is to come1 no matter what economy of time we practise1 what good is there in robbing any of them of their right and needful use1 and turning them to instruments of sorrow and death for ourselves and others8 ,this reflection has helped me1 when ,i found myself under any temptation to anger1 not to fall utterly under its dominion1 or if ,i fell has helped me quickly to recover2 but hitherto ,i have not been able quite to arm myself at all points from some little gusts of irritation4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,as ,i am not afraid that this wind of anger will cause you to make shipwreck of yourself or others1 ,i agree willingly that without paying attention to the promises of the ,stoics1 who set out to extirpate root and branch all the maladies of the soul1 you content yourself with the milder treatment of the ,peripatetics4 ,leaving1 then1 on one side for the moment these particular failings1 ,i hasten to treat of others more dangerous than these and against which you will need to be on guard with more care4 ,petrarch4 ,gracious ,heaven1 what is yet to come that is more dangerous still8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 has the sin of lust never touched you with its flames8 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 indeed1 at times so fiercely us to make me mourn sorely that ,i was not born without feelings4 ,i would sooner have been a senseless stone than be tormented by so many stings of the flesh4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah1 there is that which turns you most aside from the thought of things divine4 ,for what does the doctrine of the heavenly ,plato show but that the soul must separate itself far from the passion of the flesh and tread down its imaginings before it can rise pure and free to the contemplation of the mystery of the ,divine2 for otherwise the thought of its mortality will make it cling to those seducing charms4 ,you know what ,i mean1 and you have learned this truth in ,plato's writings1 to the study of which you said not long ago you had given yourself up with ardour4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i own ,i had given myself to studying him with great hopefulness and desire1 but the novelty of a strange language and the sudden departure of my teacher cut short my purpose4#bc ,for the rest this doctrine of which you speak is very well known to me from your own writings and those of the ,platonists4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it matters little from whom you learned the truth1 though it is a fact that the authority of a great master will often have a profound influence4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 in my own case ,i must confess ,i feel profoundly the influence of a man of whom ,cicero in his ,tusculan ,orations made this remark1 which has remained graven in the bottom of my heart3 ,when ,plato vouchsafes not to bring forward any proof 7you see what deference ,i pay him71 his mere authority would make me yield consent4#bd ,often in reflecting on this heavenly genius it has appeared to me an injustice when the disciples of ,pythagoras dispense their chief from submitting proofs1 that ,plato should be supposed to have less liberty than he4 ,but1 not to be carried away from our subject1 authority1 reason and experience alike have for a long time so much commended this axiom of ,plato to me that ,i do not believe anything more true or more truly holy could be said by any man4 ,every time ,i have raised myself up1 thanks to the hand of ,god stretched out to me1 ,i have recognised with infinite joy1 beyond belief1 who it was that then preserved me and who had cast me down in times of old4 ,now that ,i am once more fallen into my old misery1 ,i feel with a keen sense of bitterness that failing which again has undone me4 ,and this ,i tell you1 that you may see nothing strange in my saying ,i had put ,plato's maxim to the proof4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,indeed1 ,i think it not strange1 for ,i have been witness of your conflicts2 ,i have seen you fall and then once again rise up1 and now that you are down once more ,i determined from pity to bring you my succour4 ,petrarch4 ,i am grateful for your compassionate feeling1 but of what avail is any human succour8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it avails nothing1 but the succour of ,god is much every way4 ,none can be chaste except ,god give him the grace of chastity4#be ,you must therefore implore this grace from ,him above all1 with humbleness1 and often it may be with tears4 ,he is wont never to deny him who asks as he should4 ,petrarch4 ,so often have ,i done it that ,i fear ,i am as one too importunate4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but you have not asked with due humbleness or singleness of heart4 ,you have ever kept a corner for your passions to creep in2 you have always asked that your prayers may be granted presently4 ,i speak from experience1 for ,i did likewise in my old life4 ,i said1 ,give me chastity1 but not now4 ,put it off a little while2 the time will soon come4 ,my life is still in all its vigour2 let it follow its own course1 obey its natural laws2 it will feel it more of a shame later1 to return to its youthful folly4 ,i will give up this failing when the course of time itself shall have rendered me less inclined that way1 and when satiety will have delivered me from the fear of going back4#bf ,in talking thus do you not perceive that you prayed for one thing but wished another in your heart8 ,petrarch4 ,how so8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,because to ask for a thing to-morrow is to put it aside for to-day4 ,petrarch4 ,with tears have ,i often asked for it to-day4 ,my hope was that after breaking the chain of my passions and casting away the misery of life1 ,i should escape safe and sound1 and after so many storms of vain anxieties1 ,i might swim ashore in some haven of safety2 but you see1 alas1 how many shipwrecks ,i have suffered among the same rocks and shoals1 and how ,i shall still suffer more if ,i am left to myself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,trust me1 there has always been something wanting in your prayer2 otherwise the ,supreme ,giver would have granted it or1 as in the case of the ,apostle1 would have only denied you to make you more perfect in virtue and convince you entirely of your own frailty4#bg ,petrarch4 ,that is my conviction also2 and ,i will go on praying constantly1 unwearied1 unashamed1 undespairing4 ,the ,almighty1 taking pity on my sorrows1 will perchance lend an ear to my prayer1 sent up daily to ,his throne1 and even as ,he would not have denied ,his grace if my prayers had been pure1 so ,he will also purify them4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are quite right1 but redouble your efforts2 and1 as men wounded and fallen in battle raise themselves on their elbow1 so do you keep a look out on all sides for the dangers that beset you1 for fear that some foe2 unseen come near and do you hurt yet more1 where you lie on the ground4 ,in the mean time1 pray instantly for the aid of ,him who is able to raise you up again4 ,he will perchance be nearer to you just then when you think ,him furthest off4 ,keep ever in mind that saying of ,plato we were speaking of just now1 ,nothing so much hinders the knowledge of the ,divine as lust and the burning desire of carnal passion4 ,ponder well1 therefore1 this doctrine2 it is the very basis of our purpose that we have in hand4 ,petrarch4 ,to let you see how much ,i welcome this teaching1 ,i have treasured it with earnest care1 not only when it dwells in the court of ,plato's royal demesne1 but also where it lurks hidden in the forests of other writers1 and ,i have kept note in my memory of the very place where it was first perceived by my mind4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i wonder what is your meaning4 ,do you mind being more explicit8 ,petrarch4 ,you know ,virgil3 you remember through what dangers he makes his hero pass in that last awful night of the sack of ,troy8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 it is a topic repeated over and over again in all the schools4 ,he makes him recount his adventures thus-- ,what tongue could tell the horrors of that night1 ,paint all the forms of death1 or who have tears ,enough to weep so many wretched wights8 ,hath the great city that so long was queen ,fallen at last8 ,behold in all the streets ,the bodies of the dead by thousands strewn1 ,and in their homes and on the temple's steps6 ,yet is there other blood than that of ,troy1 ,what time her vanquished heroes gathering up ,their quenchless courage smite anon their foes1 ,they1 though triumphant1 fall4 ,everywhere grief1 ,dread everywhere1 and in all places ,death6#bh ,petrarch4 ,now wherever he wandered accompanied by the goddess of ,love1 through crowding foes1 through burning fire1 he could not discern1 though his eyes were open1 the wrath of the angered gods1 and so long as ,venus was speaking to him he only had understanding for things of earth4 ,but as soon as she left him you remember what happened2 he immediately beheld the frowning faces of the deities1 and recognised what dangers beset him round about4 ,then ,i beheld the awe-inspiring form ,of gods in anger for the fall of ,troy4#bi ,from which my conclusion is that commerce with ,venus takes away the vision of the ,divine4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,among the clouds themselves you have clearly discerned the light of truth4 ,it is in this way that truth abides in the fictions of the poets1 and one perceives it shining out through the crevices of their thought4 ,but1 as we shall have to return to this question later on1 let us reserve what we have to say for the end of our discourse4 ,petrarch4 ,that ,i may not get lost in tracks unknown to me1 may ,i ask when you propose to return to this point8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have not yet probed the deepest wounds of your soul1 and ,i have purposely deferred to do so1 in order that1 coming at the end1 my counsels may be more deeply graven in your remembrance4 ,in another dialogue we will treat more fully of the subject of the desires of the flesh1 on which we have just now lightly touched4 ,petrarch4 ,go on1 then1 now as you proposed4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 there need be nothing to hinder me1 unless you are obstinately bent on stopping me4 ,petrarch4 ,indeed1 nothing will please me better than to banish for ever every cause of dispute from the earth4 ,i have never engaged in disputation1 even on things perfectly familiar1 without regretting it2 for the contentions that arise1 even between friends1 have a certain character of sharpness and hostility contrary to the laws of friendship4 ,but pass on to those matters in which you think ,i shall welcome your good counsel4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are the victim of a terrible plague of the soul--melancholy2 which the moderns call accidie1 but which in old days used to be called gritudo4 ,petrarch4 ,the very name of this complaint makes me shudder4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,nor do ,i wonder1 for you have endured its burden long enough4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 and though in almost all other diseases which torment me there is mingled a certain false delight1 in this wretched state everything is harsh1 gloomy1 frightful4 ,the way to despair is for ever open1 and everything goads one's miserable soul to self-destruction4 ,moreover1 while other passions attack me only in bouts1 which1 though frequent1 are but short and for a moment1 this one usually has invested me so closely that it clings to and tortures me for whole days and nights together4 ,in such times ,i take no pleasure in the light of day1 ,i see nothing1 ,i am as one plunged in the darkness of hell itself1 and seem to endure death in its most cruel form4 ,but what one may call the climax of the misery is1 that ,i so feed upon my tears and sufferings with a morbid attraction that ,i can only be rescued from it by main force and in despite of myself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,so well do you know your symptoms1 so familiar are you become with their cause1 that ,i beg you will tell me what is it that depresses you most at the present hour8 ,is it the general course of human affairs8 ,is it some physical trouble1 or some disgrace of fortune in men's eyes8 ,petrarch4 ,it is no one of these separately4 ,had ,i only been challenged to single combat1 ,i would certainly have come off victorious2 but now1 as it is1 ,i am besieged by a whole host of enemies4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i pray you will tell me fully all that torments you4 ,petrarch4 ,every time that fortune pushes me back one step1 ,i stand firm and courageous1 recalling to myself that often before ,i have been struck in the same way and yet have come off conqueror2 if1 after that1 she presently deals me a sterner blow1 ,i begin to stagger somewhat2 if then she returns to the charge a third and fourth time1 driven by force1 ,i retreat1 not hurriedly but step by step1 to the citadel of ,reason4 ,if fortune still lays siege to me there with all her troops1 and if1 to reduce me to surrender1 she piles up the sorrows of our human lot1 the remembrance of my old miseries and the dread of evils yet to come1 then1 at lost1 hemmed in on all sides1 seized with terror at these heaped-up calamities1 ,i bemoan my wretched fate1 and feel rising in my very soul this bitter disdain of life4 ,picture to yourself some one beset with countless enemies1 with no hope of escape or of pity1 with no comfort anywhere1 with every one and everything against him2 his foes bring up their batteries1 they mine the very ground beneath his feet1 the towers are already falling1 the ladders are at the gates1 the grappling-hooks are fastened to the walls1 the fire is seen crackling through the roofs1 and1 at sight of those gleaming swords on every side1 those fierce faces of his foes1 and that utter ruin that is upon him1 how should he not be utterly dismayed and overwhelmed1 since1 even if life itself should be left1 yet to men not quite bereft of every feeling the loss of liberty alone is a mortal stroke8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,although your confession is a little confused1 ,i make out that your misfortunes all proceed from a single false conception which has in the past claimed and in futuro will still claim innumerable victims4 ,you have a bad conceit of yourself4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 truly1 a very bad one4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and why8 ,petrarch4 ,not for one1 but a thousand reasons4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are like people who on the slightest offence rake up all the old grounds of quarrel they ever had4 ,petrarch4 ,in my case there is no wound old enough for it to have been effaced and forgotten3 my sufferings are all quite fresh1 and if anything by chance were made better through time1 ,fortune has so soon redoubled her strokes that the open wound has never been perfectly healed over4 ,i cannot1 moreover1 rid myself of that hate and disdain of our life which ,i spoke of4 ,oppressed with that1 ,i cannot but be grieved and sorrowful exceedingly4 ,that you call this grief accidie or gritudo makes no difference2 in substance we mean one and the same thing4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,as from what ,i can understand the evil is so deep-seated1 it will do no good to heal it slightly1 for it will soon throw out more shoots4 ,it must be entirely rooted up4 ,yet ,i know not where to begin1 so many complications alarm me4 ,but to make the task of dividing the matter easier1 ,i will examine each point in detail4 ,tell me1 then1 what is it that has hurt you most8 ,petrarch4 ,whatever ,i see1 or hear1 or feel4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,come1 come1 does nothing please you8 ,petrarch4 ,nothing1 or almost nothing4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,would to ,god that at least the better things in your life might be dear1 to you4 ,but tell me what is it that is to you the most displeasing of all8 ,i beg you give me an answer4 ,petrarch4 ,i have already answered4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is this melancholy ,i spoke of which is the true cause of all your displeasure with yourself4 ,petrarch4 ,i am just as displeased with what ,i see in others as with what ,i see in myself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that too comes from the same source4 ,but to get a little order into our discourse1 does what you see in yourself truly displease you as much as you say8 ,petrarch4 ,stop worrying me with your petty questions1 that are more than ,i know how to reply to4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i see1 then1 that those things which make many other people envy you are nevertheless in your own eyes of no account at all8 ,petrarch4 ,any one who envies a wretch like me must indeed himself be wretched4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but now please tell me what is it that most displeases you8 ,petrarch4 ,i am sure ,i do not know4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,if ,i guess right will you acknowledge it8 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i will1 quite freely4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are vexed with ,fortune4 ,petrarch4 ,and am ,i not right to hate her8 ,proud1 violent1 blind1 she makes a mock of mankind4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is an idle complaint4 ,let us look now at your own troubles4 ,if ,i prove you have complained unjustly1 will you consent to retract8 ,petrarch4 ,you will find it very hard to convince me4 ,if1 however1 you prove me in the wrong1 ,i will give in4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you find that ,fortune is to you too unkind4 ,petrarch4 ,not too unkind2 too unjust1 too proud1 too cruel4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the comic poets have more than one comedy called ,the ,grumbler4 ,there are scores of them4 ,and now you are making yourself one of the crowd4 ,i should rather find you in more select company4 ,but as this subject is so very threadbare that no one can add anything new on it1 will you allow me to offer you an old remedy for an old complaint8 ,petrarch4 ,as you wish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well then1 has poverty yet made you endure hunger and thirst and cold8 ,petrarch4 ,no1 ,fortune has not yet brought me to this pass4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yet such is the hard lot of a great many people every day of their lives4 ,is it not8 ,petrarch4 ,use some other remedy than this if you can1 for this brings me no relief4 ,i am not one of those who in their own misfortunes rejoice to behold the crowd of other wretched ones who sob around them2 and not seldom ,i mourn as much for the griefs of others as for my own4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i wish no man to rejoice in witnessing the misfortunes of others1 but they ought at any rate to give him some consolation1 and teach him not to complain of his own lot4 ,all the world cannot possibly occupy the first and best place4 ,how could there be any first unless there was also a second following after8 ,only be thankful1 you mortal men1 if you are not reduced to the last of all2 and that of so many blows of outrageous ,fortune you only bear her milder strokes4 ,for the rest1 to those who are doomed to endure the extremes of misery1 one must offer more potent remedies than you have need of whom ,fortune has wounded but a little4 ,that which casts men down into these doleful moods is that each one1 forgetting his own condition1 dreams of the highest place1 and1 like every one else1 as ,i just now pointed out1 cannot possibly attain it2 then when he fails he is discontented4 ,if they only knew the sorrows that attend on greatness they would recoil from that which they now pursue4 ,let me call as witnesses those who by dint of toil have reached the pinnacle1 and who no sooner have arrived than they forthwith bewail the too easy accomplishment of their wish4 ,this truth should be familiar to every one1 and especially to you1 to whom long experience has shown that the summit of rank1 surrounded as it is with trouble and anxieties1 is only deserving of pity4 ,it follows that no earthly lot of man is free from complaint1 since those who have attained what they desire and those who have missed it alike show some reason for discontent4 ,the first allege they have been cheated1 and the second that they have suffered neglect4 ,take ,seneca's advice then1 ,when you see how many people are in front of you1 think also how many are behind4 ,if you would be reconciled with ,providence and your own lot in life1 think of all those you have surpassed2 and as the same wise man says in the same place1 ,set a goal to your desires such as you cannot overleap1 even if you wish4 ,petrarch4 ,i have long ago set such a goal to my desires1 and1 unless ,i am mistaken1 a very modest one2 but in the pushing and shameless manners of my time1 what place is left for modesty1 which men now call slackness or sloth8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,can your peace of mind be disturbed by the opinion of the crowd1 whose judgment is never true1 who never call anything by its right name8 ,but unless my recollection is at fault1 you used to look down on their opinion4 ,petrarch4 ,never1 believe me1 did ,i despise it more than ,i do now4 ,i care as much for what the crowd thinks of me as ,i care what ,i am thought of by the beasts of the field4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 then8 ,petrarch4 ,what raises my spleen is that having1 of all my contemporaries whom ,i know1 the least exalted ambitions1 not one of them has encountered so many difficulties as ,i have in the accomplishment of my desires4 ,most assuredly ,i never aspired to the highest place2 ,i call the spirit of ,truth as witness who judges us1 who sees all1 and who has always read my most secret thoughts4 ,she knows very well that whenever after the manner of men ,i have gone over in my mind all the degrees and conditions of our human lot4 ,i have never found in the highest place that tranquillity and serenity of soul which ,i place above all other goods2 and for that matter1 having a horror of a life full of disquiet and care1 ,i have ever chosen1 in my modest judgment1 some middle position1 and given1 not lip-service1 but the homage of my heart to that truth expressed by ,horace-- ,whoso with little wealth will live content1 ,easy and free his days shall all be spent2 ,his well-built house keeps out the winter wind1 ,too modest to excite an envious mind4#cj ,and ,i admire the reasons he gives in the same ,ode not less than the sentiment itself4 ,the tallest trees most fear the tempest's might1 ,the highest towers come down with most affright1 ,the loftiest hills feel first the thunder smite4 ,alas6 it is just the middle place that it has never been my lot to enjoy4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and what if that which you think is a middle position is in truth below you8 ,what if as a matter of fact you have for a long while enjoyed a really middle place1 enjoyed it abundantly8 ,nay1 what if you have in truth left the middle far behind1 and are become to a great many people a man more to be envied than despised8 ,petrarch4 ,well1 if they think my lot one to be envied1 ,i think the contrary4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 your false opinion is precisely the cause of all your miseries1 and especially of this last4 ,as ,cicero puts it1 ,you must flee ,charybdis1 with all hands to the oars1 and sails as well6#ca ,petrarch4 ,whither can ,i flee8 where direct my ship8 ,in a word1 what am ,i to think except what ,i see before my eyes8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you only see from side to side where your view is limited4 ,if you look behind you will discover a countless throng coming after1 and that you are somewhat nearer to the front rank than to that in the rear1 but pride and stubbornness suffer you not to turn your gaze behind you4 ,petrarch4 ,nevertheless from time to time ,i have done so1 and have noticed many people coming along behind4 ,i have no cause to blush at my condition1 but ,i complain of having so many cares4 ,i deplore1 if ,i may yet again make use of a phrase of ,horace1 that ,i must live only from day to day4#cb ,as to this restlessness of which ,i have suffered more than enough1 ,i gladly subscribe to what the same poet says in the same place4 ,what prayers are mine8 ,o may ,i yet possess ,the goods ,i have1 or1 if heaven pleases1 less6 ,let the few years that ,fate may grant me still ,be all my own1 not held at others' will4#cc ,always in a state of suspense1 always uncertain of the future1 ,fortune's favours have no attraction for me4 ,up to now1 as you see1 ,i have lived always in dependence on others2 it is the bitterest cup of all4 ,may heaven grant me some peace in what is left of my old age1 and that the mariner who has lived so long amid the stormy waves may die in port6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,so then in this great whirlpool of human affairs1 amid so many vicissitudes1 with the future all dark before you2 in a word1 placed as you are at the caprice of ,fortune1 you will be the only one of so many millions of mankind who shall live a life exempt from care6 ,look what you are asking for1 ,o mortal man6 look what you demand6 ,as for that complaint you have brought forward of never having lived a life of your own1 what it really amounts to is not that you have lived in poverty1 but more or less in subservience4 ,i admit1 as you say1 that it is a thing very troublesome4 ,however1 if you look around you will find very few men who have lived a life of their own4 ,those whom one counts most happy1 and for whom numbers of others live their lives1 bear witness by the constancy of their vigils and their toils that they themselves are living for others4 ,to quote you a striking instance1 ,julius ,csar1 of whom some one has reported this true but arrogant saying1 ,the human race only lives for a small number1#cd ,julius ,csar1 after he had subdued the human race to live for himself alone1 did himself live for other people4 ,perhaps you will ask me for whom did he live8 and ,i reply1 for those who slew him--for ,brutus1 ,cimber1 and other traitorous heads of that conspiracy1 for whom his inexhaustible munificence proved too small to satisfy their rapacity4 ,petrarch4 ,i must admit you have brought me to my senses1 and ,i will never any more complain either of my obligations to others or of my poverty4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,complain rather of your want of wisdom1 for it is this alone that can obtain for you liberty and true riches4 ,for the rest1 the man who quietly endures to go without the cause of those good effects1 and then makes complaint of not having them1 cannot truly be said to have any intelligent understanding of either the cause or the effects4 ,but now tell me what is it that makes you suffer1 apart from what we have been speaking of8 ,is it any weakness of health or any secret trouble8 ,petrarch4 ,i confess that my body has always been a burden every time ,i think of myself2 but when ,i cast my eyes on the unwieldiness of other people's bodies1 ,i acknowledge that ,i have a fairly obedient slave4 ,i would to ,heaven ,i could say as much of my soul1 but ,i am afraid that in it there is what is more than a match for me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,may it please ,god to bring that also under the rule of reason4 ,but to come back to your body1 of what do you complain8 ,petrarch4 ,of that of which most other people also complain4 ,i charge it with being mortal1 with implicating me in its sufferings1 loading me with its burdens1 asking me to sleep when my soul is awake1 and subjecting me to other human necessities which it would be tedious to go through4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,calm yourself1 ,i entreat you1 and remember you are a man4 ,presently your agitation will cease4 ,if any other thing troubles you1 tell me4 ,petrarch4 ,have you never heard how cruelly ,fortune used me8 ,this stepdame1 who in a single day with her ruthless hand laid low all my hopes1 all my resources1 my family and home8#ce ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i see your tears are running down1 and ,i pass on4 ,the present is not the time for instruction1 but only for giving warning2 let1 then1 this simple one suffice4 ,if you consider1 in truth1 not the disasters of private families only1 but the ruins also of empires from the beginning of history1 with which2 you are so well acquainted2 and if you call to mind the tragedies you have read1 you will not perhaps be so sorely offended when you see your own humble roof brought to nought along with so many palaces of kings4 ,now pray go on1 for these few warning words will open to you a field for long meditation4 ,petrarch4 ,who shall find words to utter my daily disgust for this place where ,i live1 in the most melancholy and disorderly of towns1#cf the narrow and obscure sink of the earth1 where all the filth of the world is collected8 ,what brush could depict the nauseating spectacle --streets full of disease and infection1 dirty pigs and snarling dogs1 the noise of cart-wheels grinding against the walls1 four-horse chariots coming dashing down at every cross-road1 the motley crew of people1 swarms of vile beggars side by side with the flaunting luxury of the wealthy1 the one crushed down in sordid misery1 the others debauched with pleasure and riot2 and then the medley of characters--such diverse rles in life--the endless clamour of their confused voices1 as the passers-by jostle one another in the streets8 ,all this destroys the soul accustomed to any better kind of life1 banishes all serenity from a generous heart1 and quite upsets the student's habit of mind4 ,so my prayers to ,god are earnest as well as frequent that he would save my barque from imminent wreck1 for whenever ,i look around ,i seem to myself to be going down alive into the pit4 ,now1 ,i say in mockery1 now betake yourself to noble thoughts -- ,now go and meditate the tuneful lyre4#cg ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that line of ,horace makes me realise what most afflicts you4 ,you lament having lighted on a place so unfavourable for study1 for as the same poet says-- ,bards fly from town1 and haunt the wood and glade4#ch ,and you yourself have expressed the same truth in other words-- ,the leafy forests charm the sacred ,muse1 ,and bards the noisy life of towns refuse4#ci ,if1 however1 the tumult of your mind within should once learn to calm itself down1 believe me this din and bustle around you1 though it will strike upon your senses1 will not touch your soul4 ,not to repeat what you have been long well aware of1 you have ,seneca's letter#dj on this subject1 and it is very much to the point4 ,you have your own work also on ,tranquillity of ,soul2 you have beside1 for combating this mental malady1 an excellent book of ,cicero's which sums up the discussions of the third day in his ,tusculan ,orations1 and is dedicated to ,brutus4#da ,petrarch4 ,you know ,i have read all that work and with great attention4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and have you got no help from it8 ,petrarch4 ,well1 yes1 at the time of reading1 much help2 but no sooner is the book from my hands than all my feeling for it vanishes4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,this way of reading is become common now2 there is such a mob of lettered men1 a detestable herd1 who have spread themselves everywhere and make long discussions in the schools on the art of life1 which they put in practice little enough4 ,but if you would only make notes of the chief points in what you read you would then gather the fruit of your reading4 ,petrarch4 ,what kind of notes8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,whenever you read a book and meet with any wholesome maxims by which you feel your spirit stirred or enthralled1 do not trust merely to the resources of your wits1 but make a point of learning them by heart and making them quite familiar by meditating on them1 as the doctors do with their experiments1 so that no matter when or where some urgent case of illness arises1 you have the remedy written1 so to speak1 in your head4 ,for in the maladies of the soul1 as in those of the body1 there are some in which delay is fatal1 so that if you defer the remedy you take away all hope of a cure4 ,who is not aware1 for instance1 that certain impulses of the soul are so swift and strong that1 unless reason checks the passion from which they arise1 they whelm in destruction the soul and body and the whole man1 so that a tardy remedy is a useless one8 ,anger1 in my judgment1 is a case in point4 ,it is not for nothing that1 by those who have divided the soul into three parts1 anger has been placed below the seat of reason1 and reason set in the head of man as in a citadel1 anger in the heart1 and desire lower still in the loins4 ,they wished to show that reason was ever ready to repress instantly the violent outbreaks of the passions beneath her1 and was empowered in some way from her lofty estate to sound the retreat4 ,as this check was more necessary in the case of anger1 it has been placed directly under reason's control4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 and rightly2 and to show you ,i have found this truth not only in the works of ,philosophers but also in the ,poets1 by that fury of winds that ,virgil describes hidden in deep caves1 by his mountains piled up1 and by his ,king olus sitting above1 who rules them with his power1 ,i have often thought he may have meant to denote anger and the other passions of the soul which seethe at the bottom of our heart1 and which1 unless controlled by the curb of reason1 would in their furious haste1 as he says1 drag us in their train and sweep us over sea and land and the very sky itself4#db ,in effect1 he has given us to understand he means by the earth our bodily frame2 by the sea1 the water through which it lives2 and by the depths of the sky1 the soul that has its dwelling in a place remote1 and of which elsewhere he says that its essence is formed out of a divine fire4#dc ,it is as though he said that these passions will hurl body1 soul1 and man himself into the abyss4 ,on the other side1 these mountains and this ,king sitting on high--what can they mean but the head placed on high where reason is enthroned8 ,these are ,virgil's words-- ,there1 in a cave profound1 ,king olus ,holds in the tempests and the noisy wind1 ,which there he prisons fast4 ,those angry thralls ,rage at their barrier1 and the mountain side ,roars with their dreadful noise1 but he on top ,sits high enthroned1 his sceptre in his hand4#dd ,so writes the ,poet4 ,as ,i carefully study every word1 ,i have heard with my ears the fury1 the rage1 the roar of the winds2 ,i have heard the trembling of the mountain and the din4 ,notice how well it all applies to the tempest of anger4 ,and1 on the other hand1 ,i have heard the ,king1 sitting on his high place1 his sceptre grasped in his hand1 subduing1 binding in chains1 and imprisoning those rebel blasts1--who can doubt that with equal appropriateness this applies to the ,reason8 ,however1 lest any one should miss the truth that all this refers to the soul and the wrath that vexes it1 you see he adds the line-- ,and calms their passion and allays their wrath4#de ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i cannot but applaud that meaning which ,i understand you find hidden in the poet's story1 familiar as it is to you2 for whether ,virgil had this in mind when writing1 or whether without any such idea he only meant to depict a storm at sea and nothing else1 what you have said about the rush of anger and the authority of reason seems to me expressed with equal wit and truth4 ,but to resume the thread of our discourse1 take notice in your reading if you find anything dealing with anger or other passions of the soul1 and especially with this plague of melancholy1 of which we have been speaking at some length4 ,when you come to any passages that seem to you useful1 put marks against them1 which may serve as hooks to hold them fast in your remembrance1 lest otherwise they might be taking wings to flee away4 ,by this contrivance you will be able to stand firm against all the passions1 and not least against sorrow of heart1 which1 like some pestilential cloud utterly destroys the seeds of virtue and all the fruits of understanding1 and is1 in the elegant phrase of ,cicero-- ,the fount and head of all miseries4#df ,assuredly if you look carefully at the lives of others as well as your own1 and reflect that there is hardly a man without many causes of grief in his life1 and if you except that one just and salutary ground1 the recollection of your own sins--always supposing it is not suffered to drive you to despair--then you will come to acknowledge that ,heaven has assigned to you many gifts that are for you a ground of consolation and joy1 side by side with that multitude of things of which you murmur and complain4 ,as for your complaint that you have not had any life of your own and the vexation you feel in the tumultuous life of cities1 you will find no small consolation in reflecting that the same complaint has been made by greater men than yourself1 and that if you have of your own free will fallen into this labyrinth1 so you can of your own free will make your escape4 ,if not1 yet in time your ears will grow so used to the noise of the crowd that it will seem to you as pleasant as the murmur of a falling stream4 ,or1 as ,i have already hinted1 you will find the same result easily if you will but first calm down the tumult of your imagination1 for a soul serene and tranquil in itself fears not the coming of any shadow from without and is deaf to all the thunder of the world4 ,and so1 like a man on dry land and out of danger1 you will look upon the shipwreck of others1 and from your quiet haven hear the cries of those wrestling1 with the waves1 and though you will be moved with tender compassion by that sight1 yet even that will be the measure also of your own thankfulness and joy at being in safety4 ,and ere long ,i am sure you will banish and drive away all the melancholy that has oppressed your soul4 ,petrarch4 ,although not a few things rather give me a twinge1 and especially your notion that it is quite easy and depends only on myself to get away from towns1 yet1 as you have on many points got the better of me in reasoning1 ,i will here lay down my arms ere ,i am quite overthrown4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you feel able1 then1 now to cast off your sorrow and be more reconciled to your fortune8 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i am able1 supposing always that there is any such thing as fortune at all4 ,for ,i notice the two ,greek and ,latin ,poets are so little of one mind on this point that the one has not deigned to mention the word even once in all his works1 whereas the other mentions the name of fortune often and even reckons her ,almighty4#dg ,and this opinion is shared by a celebrated historian and famous orator4 ,sallust has said of fortune that all things are under her dominion4#dh ,and ,cicero has not scrupled to affirm that she is the mistress2 of human affairs4#di ,for myself1 perhaps ,i will declare what ,i think on the subject at some other time and place4 ,but so far as concerns the matter of our discussion1 your admonitions have been of such service to me1 that when ,i compare my lot with that of most other men it no longer seems so unhappy to me as once it did4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i am glad indeed to have been of any service to you1 and my desire is to do everything ,i can4 ,but as our converse to-day has lasted a long while1 are you willing that we should defer the rest for a third day1 when we will bring it to a conclusion8 ,petrarch4 ,with my whole heart ,i adore the very number three itself1 not so much because the three ,graces are contained in it1 as because it is held to be nearest of kin to the ,deity2 which is not only the persuasion of yourself and other professors of the true faith1 who place all your faith in the ,trinity1 but also that of ,gentile philosophers who have a traditional use of the same number in worshipping their own deities4 ,and my beloved ,virgil seems to have been conversant with this when he wrote-- ,uneven number to the gods is dear4#ej ,for what goes before makes it clear that three is the number to which he alludes4 ,i will therefore presently await from your hands the third part of this your threefold gift4 #a neid1 viii4 #che-hf4 #b ,de bonis et malis1 i4 #c4 #c ,tusculan ,orations1 ii4 #ae4 ,but ,cicero's words are more guarded1 inops interdum4 #d ,declamations1 i4 #e ,juvenal1 ,sat4 x4 #agb-gc4 #f ,suetonius ,domitian1 xviii4 #g ,seneca1 ,epist41 #fe4 #h ,scipio is speaking of the souls admitted to heaven1 freed from the body4 ,africa1 i4 #cbi4 #i ,juvenal1 i4 #afa 7not correctly quoted74 #aj ,terence ,l',audrienne1 #fh4 #aa ,horace1 ,odes1 i4 #d1 #ae4 #ab ,horace1 ,epist4 i4 #ah1 #aji4 ,conington's translation4 #ac ,horace1 ,odes1 ,i4 xxxi4 #ai1 #bj4 #ad ,juvenal1 ,sat41 xiv4 #ace4 #ae neid1 iii4 #fbi4 #af ,georgics1 iv4 #acb4 #ag ,georgics1 i4 #ajf4 #ah ,juvenal1 vi4 #cfa4 #ai ,seneca1 ,epist41 xxv4 #bj ,horace1 ,epist41 i4 #b1 #ef4 #ba ,de ,senectute1 xi4 #bb ,horace1 ,epist4 i4 #b1 #fb-c4 #bc ,petrarch refers to a ,calabrian monk who had begun giving him lessons in ,greek1 but left him on being appointed to a bishopric4 #bd ,tusculan ,orations1 i4 #ba4 #be ,wisdom1 viii4 #ba4 #bf ,cor4 xii4 #i4 #bg ,confessions1 viii4 #g4 #bh neid1 ii4 #cfa-i4 #bi neid1 ii4 #fbb4 #cj ,horace1 ,odes1 xi4 #aj1 #f-h4 #ca ,tusculan ,orations1 iii4 #aa4 #cb ,horace1 ,epist41 i4 #ah1 #aaj4 #cc ,horace1 ,epist41 i4 #ah1 #ajf-h4 #cd ,lucian1 #cdc4 #ce ,he refers to the fact that his father was banished from ,florence1 and he himself was born in exile at ,arezzo4 #cf ,avignon4 #cg ,horace1 ,epist41 ii4 #b1 #gf4 #ch ,epist41 ii4 #b1 #gg 7,conington74 #ci ,petrarch's ,epist41 ii4 #b1 #gg4 #dj ,seneca's ,letters1 lvi4 #da ,tusculan ,orations1 cxi4 #db neid1 i4 #eh4 #dc ,ibid41 vi4 #gcj4 #dd ,ibid41 i4 #eb-eg4 #de neid i4 #eg4 #df ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ch4 #dg neid1 viii4 #ccd4 #dh ,pro ,marcello1 ii4 #di ,catilina1 viii4 #ej ,eclogue1 vii4 #ge4 ,,dialogue ,,the ,,third ,,petrarch--,s4 ,,augustine ,s4 ,augustine4 ,supposing that hitherto you have found some good from my words1 ,i beg and implore you in what ,i have still to say to lend me a ready ear1 and to put aside altogether the spirit of dispute and contradiction4 ,petrarch4 ,you may be sure ,i will so do1 for ,i feel that1 owing to your good counsels1 ,i have been set free from a large part of my distress1 and am therefore the better disposed to listen to what you may still have to say4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have not at all as yet touched upon the deep-seated wounds which are within1 and ,i rather dread the task when ,i remember what debate and murmuring were caused by even the lightest allusion to them4 ,but1 on the other hand1 ,i am not without hope that when you have rallied your strength1 your spirit will more firmly bear without flinching a severer handling of the trouble4 ,petrarch4 ,have no fear on that score4 ,by this time ,i am used to hearing the name of my maladies and to bearing the touch of the surgeon's hand4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 you are still held in bondage1 on your right hand and on your left1 by two strong chains which will not suffer you to turn your thoughts to meditate on life or on death4 ,i have always dreaded these might bring you to destruction2 and ,i am not yet at all reassured1 and ,i shall only be so when ,i have seen you break and cast away your bonds and come forth perfectly free4 ,and this ,i think possible but difficult enough to achieve1 and that until it is accomplished ,i shall only be moving in a futile round4 ,they say that to break a diamond one must use the blood of a goat1 and in the same way to soften the hardness of these kinds of passions1 this blood is of strange efficacy4 ,no sooner has it touched even the hardest heart but it breaks and penetrates it4 ,but ,i will tell you what my fear is4 ,in this matter ,i must have your own full assent as we proceed1 and ,i am haunted by the fear you will not be able1 or perhaps ,i should say will prove unwilling1 to give it4 ,i greatly dread lest the glittering brilliance of your chains may dazzle your eyes and hinder you1 and make you like the miser bound in prison with fetters of gold1 who wished greatly to be set free but was not willing to break his chains4 ,now such are the conditions of your own bondage that you can only gain your freedom by breaking your chains4 ,petrarch4 ,alas1 alas1 ,i am more wretched than ,i thought4 ,do you mean to tell me my soul is still bound by two chains of which ,i am unconscious8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,all the same they are plain enough to see2 but1 dazzled by their beauty1 you think they are not fetters but treasures2 and1 to keep to the same figure1 you are like some one who1 with hands and feet fast bound in shackles of gold1 should look at them with delight and not see at all that they are shackles4 ,yes1 you yourself with blinded eyes keep looking at your bonds2 but1 oh strange delusion6 you are charmed with the very chains that are dragging you to your death1 and1 what is most sad of all1 you glory in them6 ,petrarch4 ,what may these chains be of which you speak8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,love and glory4 ,petrarch4 ,great ,heavens6 what is this ,i hear8 ,you call these things chains8 ,and you would break them from me1 if ,i would let you8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 ,i mean to try1 but ,i doubt if ,i shall succeed4 ,all the other things that held you back were less strong and also less pleasant to you1 so you helped me to break them4 ,these1 on the contrary1 are pleasant though they injure1 and they deceive you by a false show of beauty2 so they will demand greater efforts1 for you will make resistance as if ,i were wishing to rob you of some great good4 ,nevertheless ,i mean to try4 ,petrarch4 ,pray what have ,i done that you should desire to relieve me of the finest passions of my nature1 and condemn to everlasting darkness the clearest faculties of my soul8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah1 unhappy man1 have you forgotten quite this axiom of philosophy1 that the climax of all evils is when a man1 rooted in some false opinion1 by degrees grows fatally persuaded that such and such a course is right8 ,petrarch4 ,i have by no means forgotten that axiom1 but it has nothing to do with the subject1 for why in the world should ,i not think that the course which ,i indicated is right8 ,no1 ,i never have thought and ,i never shall think any truth more indisputable than that these two passions1 which you cast at me as a reproach1 are the very noblest of all4 ,augustine4 ,let us take them separately for the present1 while ,i endeavour to find the remedies1 so that ,i may not blunt the edge of my weapon by striking first at one and then the other indiscriminately4 ,tell me then1 since we have first mentioned love1 do you or do you not hold it to be the height of all madness8 ,petrarch4 ,to tell you the whole truth as ,i conceive it1 ,i judge that love may be either described as the vilest passion or the noblest action of the soul4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you mind giving me some example to confirm the view you have put forward8 ,petrarch4 ,if my passion is for some low woman of ill fame1 my love is the height of folly4 ,but if1 fascinated by one who is the image of virtue1 ,i devote myself to love and honour her1 what have you to say to that8 ,do you put no difference between things so entirely opposed8 ,do you wish to banish all remains of honour from the case8 ,to tell you my real feeling1 just as ,i regard the first kind of love as a heavy and ill-starred burden on the soul1 so of the second ,i think there is hardly any greater blessing to it2 if it so happen that you hold an opposite view1 let each one follow his own feeling1 for1 as you are well aware1 truth is a large field and every man should have freedom to judge for himself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,in matters directly contradictory opinions also may be diverse4 ,but truth itself is one and always the same4 ,petrarch4 ,i admit that is so4 ,but what makes us go wrong is that we bind ourselves obstinately to old opinions1 and will not easily part from them4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,heaven grant you may think as wisely on the whole matter of love as you do on this point4 ,petrarch4 ,to speak briefly1 ,i think ,i am so certainly right that those who think the opposite ,i believe to be quite out of their senses4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i should certainly maintain that to take for truth some ancient falsehood1 and to take as falsehood some newly-discovered truth1 as though all authority for truth were a matter of time1 is the very climax of madness4 ,petrarch4 ,you are wasting your labour4 ,whoever asserts that view of love ,i shall never believe him4 ,and ,i will rest on ,cicero's saying1 ,if ,i err here ,i err willingly1 and ,i shall never consent to part with this error as long as ,i live4#a ,s4 ,augustine4 ,when ,cicero uses those words he is speaking of the immortality of the soul1 and referring to it as the noblest of conceptions1 and declaring his own belief in it to be so firm that he would not endure to listen to any one who maintained the contrary4 ,you1 however1 to urge the ignoblest and most false of all opinions1 make use of those same terms4 ,unquestionably1 even if the soul were mortal1 it would be better to think it immortal4 ,for error though it were1 yet would it inspire the love of virtue1 and that is a thing to be desired for its own sake alone1 even if all hope of future reward were taken away from us2 and as to which the desire for it will certainly become weaker1 as men come to think the soul a mortal thing2 and1 on the other hand1 the promise of a life to come1 even if it were to turn out a delusion1 is none the less a powerful incentive to the soul1 human nature being what it is4 ,but you see what will be the consequences of that error in which you stand2 it will precipitate your soul into all manner of folly1 when shame1 and fear1 even reason1 that now acts as some check on passion1 and the knowledge of truth itself shall all have disappeared4 ,petrarch4 ,i have already told you you were wasting your time4 ,my own remembrance tells mo that ,i have never loved anything to be ashamed of1 and1 on the contrary1 have ever loved what is most noble4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,even noble things may be loved in a shameful way2 it is beyond doubt4 ,petrarch4 ,neither in the object of love nor in the manner of loving am ,i guilty4 ,so you may as well give up tormenting me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well1 well6 ,do you wish1 like those with fever on the brain1 to die laughing and joking8 ,or will you rather take some remedy for your mind so pitiable and so far from its true health8 ,petrarch4 ,i will not refuse a remedy if you will prove to me that ,i am ill1 but1 when a man is quite well1 to begin taking remedies is often fatal4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,as soon as you have reached the stage of convalescence you will perceive quickly enough1 as men generally do1 that you have been seriously ill4 ,petrarch4 ,after all1 ,i cannot but show deference to one who often in the past1 and especially in these last two days1 has given me proof how good were his counsels4 ,so please go on4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,in the first place ,i ask you to forgive me if1 compelled by the subject1 ,i have to deal severely with what has been so delightful to you4 ,for ,i cannot but foresee that the truth will sound bitterly in your ears4 ,petrarch4 ,just one word before you begin4 ,do you thoroughly know the matter you are to touch upon8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have gone into it all carefully beforehand4 ,it is about a mortal woman1 in admiring and celebrating whom you have1 alas6 spent a large part of your life4 ,that a mind like yours should have felt such an insensate passion and for so long a time does greatly astonish me4 ,petrarch4 ,spare your reproaches1 ,i pray4 ,thais and ,livia were both mortal women2 but you should be aware that she of whom you have set out to speak is a mind that has no care for things of earth1 and burns only with the love of what is heavenly4 ,in whose face1 unless truth is an empty word1 a certain divine loveliness shines out2 whose character is the image and picture of perfect honour2 whose voice and the living expression of whose eyes has nothing mortal in it2 whose very form and motion is not as that of others4 ,consider this again and again1 ,i entreat you1 and ,i trust you may have understanding in what words to speak4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah6 out of all reason have you grown6 ,have you then for sixteen long years been feeding3 with false joys this flame of your heart8 ,of a truth not longer did ,italy once suffer the assaults of her most famous enemy1 the great ,hannibal2 nor did she then endure more frequent onsets of her would-be lover1 nor was consumed with more furious fires4 ,you to-day carry within you as hot a flame of passion1 you endure as fierce stings4 ,yet was there found one who forced him to retreat and1 though late1 to take his leave6 ,but who shall expel this invader from your soul if you yourself forbid him to depart2 if you of your own will invite him to stay long with you2 if you1 unhappy as you are1 delight in your own calamity8 ,far other will be your thoughts when the fatal day shall come that will close for ever those eyes that are now so pleasing to you to look upon2 when you shall see that face and those pale limbs changed by death2 then you will be filled with shame to have so knit your mortal affections to a perishing body such as this1 and what now you so obstinately maintain you will then blush to remember4 ,petrarch4 ,heaven forbid any such misery4 ,i shall not see your threats fulfilled4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,they will inevitably come to pass4 ,petrarch4 ,i know it4 ,but the stars in their courses will not so fight against me as to prevent the order of ,nature by hastening her death like that4 ,first came ,i into this world and ,i shall be first to depart4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i think you will not have forgotten that time when you feared the contrary event1 and made a song of your beloved as if she were presently to die1 a song full of moving sorrow4 ,petrarch4 ,certainly ,i remember very well1 but the thought that filled me then with grief1 and the memory of which makes me shiver1 was a jealous indignation at the bare possibility of my outliving her who is the best part of my life and whose presence makes all its sweetness4 ,for that is the motive of that song2 ,i remember it well1 and how ,i was overcome with tears4 ,its spirit is still with me1 if with you perchance are the words4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i was not complaining how many tears the fear of her death made you shed1 nor of how much grief you felt4 ,i was only concerned that you should realise how this fear of yours in the past may certainly return2 and more easily1 in that every day is a step nearer to death1 and that that fair form1 worn by sicknesses and the bearing of many children1 has already lost much of its first strength4 ,petrarch4 ,i also am borne down with cares and am worn with age1 and in that onward path towards death ,i have outrun her whom ,i love4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what folly it is to calculate the order of death by that of birth6 ,for what are those sad lamentations of the old but because of the early deaths of their young children8 ,what is it that yonder aged nurse is grieving over but that she sees the loss of her little nursling-- ,whom some dark day ,has stripped of his sweet life2 and cruel fate ,snatched from his mother's breast and covered him ,in a too early grave4#b ,in your own case the small number of years by which you have preceded her gives you a very uncertain hope that you will be gone before the fire of your passion shall be extinguished2 and yet you indulge the fiction that this order of ,nature is unchangeable4 ,petrarch4 ,not exactly unchangeable1 but ,i pray without ceasing that it may not be changed1 and whenever ,i think of death ,i remember ,ovid's line-- ,late may her time arrive1 and after mine4#c ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i can listen to these trifles no more2 but since you now admit that she may possibly die before you1 ,i ask what should you say if she really were dead8 ,petrarch4 ,what should ,i say but that such a calamity would be the climax of all my miseries8 ,yet ,i should try and comfort myself with what was past4 ,but may the winds bear away the words from our lips and the hurricane scatter such an omen to the ends of the earth6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ah1 blindfold one6 you see not yet what foolishness it is so to subject your soul to things of earth1 that kindle in it the flames of desire1 that have no power to give it rest1 that cannot endure2 and1 while promising to charm you with their sweetness1 torment you with perpetual agitations4 ,petrarch4 ,if you have any more effectual remedy1 ,i beg you will point it out4 ,you will never frighten me with talk like this2 for ,i am not1 as you suppose1 infatuated with any creature that is mortal4 ,you might have known that ,i have loved her physical charm loss than her soul1 that what has captivated me has been a life above that of ordinary lives1 the witnessing of which has shown me how the blessed live above4 ,therefore1 since you inquire of me 7and the mere question is a torture to listen to7 what ,i should do supposing she were to leave me and be the first to die--well1 ,i should try and console myself in sorrow with ,llius1 the wisest of the ,romans4 ,with him ,i should say1 ,it is her goodness that ,i loved and that is not dead2 and ,i would say to myself those other words that he pronounced after the death of him for whom he had conceived an affection surpassing all common affection4#d ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you retire to ,error's inaccessible fastness1 and it will not be easy to dislodge you4 ,but as ,i notice you are inclined to listen much more patiently to the truth about yourself and her1 sing the praises of your darling lady as much as you will1 and ,i will gainsay nothing4 ,were she a queen1 a saint-- ,a very goddess1 or to ,apollo's self ,own sister1 or a mother of the nymphs1#e yet all her excellence will in nowise excuse your error4 ,petrarch4 ,let us see what fresh quarrel you seek with me8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is unquestionably true that oftentimes the loveliest things are loved in a shameful way4 ,petrarch4 ,i have already met that insinuation on a previous occasion4 ,if any one could see the image of the love that reigns in my heart1 he would recognise that there is no difference between it and that face that ,i have praised indeed much1 but less by far than it deserves to be praised4 ,i call to witness the spirit of ,truth in whose presence we are speaking when ,i assert that in my love there has never been anything dishonourable1 never anything of the flesh1 never anything that any man could blame unless it were its mere intensity4 ,and if you add that even so it never passed the line of right1 ,i think a fairer thing could never be conceived4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i might reply to you with a word of ,cicero and tell you1 ,you are talking of putting boundary lines in vice itself4#f ,petrarch4 ,not in vice1 but in love4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but in that very passage he was speaking of love4 ,do you remember where it occurs8 ,petrarch4 ,do ,i remember indeed8 ,of course ,i have read it in the ,tusculans4 ,but he was speaking of men's common love2 mine is one by itself4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,other people1 ,i fancy1 might say the same of theirs2 for true it is that in all the passions1 and most of all in this1 every man interprets his own case favourably1 and there is point in the verse though from a common poet-- ,to every man his lady1 ,then one to me assign2 ,to every man his love affairs1 ,and so let me have mine6#g ,petrarch4 ,would you like1 if you have time1 to hear me tell you a few of those many charms of hers that would strike you with astonishment and admiration8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you think ,i am ignorant of all ,those pleasant dreams that lovers use to weave8 ,every schoolboy knows the line1 but ,i confess ,i am ashamed to hear such silliness from the lips of one whose words and thoughts should seek a higher range4 ,petrarch4 ,one thing ,i will not keep silence on1--call it silliness1 call it gratitude1 as you please1--namely1 that to her ,i owe whatever ,i am1 and ,i should never have attained such little renown and glory as ,i have unless she by the power of this love had quickened into life the feeble germ of virtue that ,nature had sown in my heart4 ,it was she who turned my youthful soul away from all that was base1 who drew me as it were by a grappling chain1 and forced me to look upwards4 ,why should you not believe it8 ,it is a sure truth that by love we grow like what we love4 ,now there is no backbiter alive1 let his tongue be as sharp as it may1 that has ventured to touch her good name1 or dared to say he had seen a single fault1 ,i will not say in her conduct1 but even in any one of her gestures or words4 ,moreover1 those whisperers who leave no one's reputation untouched if they can help it1 have been obliged in her1 case to utter only reverence and respect4 ,it is no wonder1 then1 if such a glory as hers should have fostered in my heart the longing for more conspicuous glory1 and should have sweetened those hard toils which ,i had to endure if ,i would attain that which ,i desired4 ,what were all the wishes of my youth but solely to please her who above all others had pleased me8 ,and you are not ignorant that to gain my end ,i scorned delights a thousand times1 ,i gave myself before my time to labour and to cares without number2 and now you bid me forget or diminish somewhat of my love for her who first taught me how to escape the vulgar crowd1 who guided all my steps1 spurred on my lagging mind1 and wakened into life my drowsy spirit4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,poor man6 you would have done better to be silent than to speak1 although even if you had been silent ,i should have discerned what you are within4 ,but such stout words as these stir my indignation and anger4 ,petrarch4 ,i wonder why8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to have a false opinion shows ignorance1 but to keep on boldly proclaiming it shows pride as well as ignorance4 ,petrarch4 ,suppose you try and prove that what ,i think and say is false4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is all false2 and1 first1 what you say as to owing all you are to her4 ,if you mean that she has made you what you are1 there you certainly lie2 but if you were to say that it is she4 who has prevented you being any more than you are1 you would speak the truth4 ,o what long contention would you have been spared if by the charm of her beauty she had not held you back4 ,what you are you owe to the bounty of ,nature2 what you might have been she has quite cut off1 or rather let me say you yourself have cut it off1 for she indeed is innocent4 ,that beauty which seemed so charming and so sweet1 through the burning flame of your desire1 through the continual rain of your tears1 has done away all that harvest that should have grown from the seeds of virtue in your soul4 ,it is a false boast of yours that she has held you back from base things2 from some perhaps she may1 but only to plunge you into evils worse still4 ,for if one leads you from some miry path to bring you to a precipice1 or in lancing some small abscess cuts your throat1 he deserves not the name of deliverer but assassin4 ,likewise she whom you hold up as your guide1 though she drew you away from some base courses1 has none the less overwhelmed you in a deep gulf of splendid ruin4 ,as for her having taught you to look upwards and separate yourself from the vulgar crowd1 what else is it than to say by sitting at her feet you became so infatuated with the charm of her above as to studiously neglect everything else8 ,and in the common intercourse of human life what can be more injurious than that8 when you say she has involved you in toils without number1 there indeed you speak truth4 ,but what great gain is there in that8 ,when there are such varied labours that a man is perforce obliged to engage in1 what madness is it of one's own accord to go after fresh ones6 ,as for your boasting that it is she who has made you thirst for glory1 ,i pity your delusion1 for ,i will prove to you that of all the burdens of your soul there is none more fatal than this4 ,but the time for this is not yet come4 ,petrarch4 ,i believe the readiest of warriors first threatens and then strikes4 ,i seem1 however1 to find threat and wound together4 ,and already ,i begin to stagger4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,how much more will you stagger when ,i deliver my sharpest thrust of all8 ,forsooth that woman to whom you profess you owe everything1 she1 even she1 has been your ruin4 ,petrarch4 ,good ,heavens6 ,how do you think you will persuade me of that8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,she has detached your mind from the love of heavenly things and has inclined your heart to love the creature more than the ,creator3 and that one path alone leads1 sooner than any other1 to death4 ,petrarch4 ,i pray you make no rash judgment4 ,the love which ,i feel for her has most certainly led me to love ,god4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but it has inverted the true order4 ,petrarch4 ,how so8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,because 'every creature' should be dear to us because of our love for the ,creator4 ,but in your case1 on the contrary1 held captive by the charm of the creature1 you have not loved the ,creator as you ought4 ,you have admired the ,divine ,artificer as though in all ,his works ,he had made nothing fairer than the object of your love1 although in truth the beauty of the body should be reckoned last of all4 ,petrarch4 ,i call ,truth to witness as she stands here between us1 and ,i take my conscience to witness also1 as ,i said before1 that the body4 of my lady has been less dear to me than her soul4 ,the proof of it is here1 that the further she has advanced in age 7which for the beauty of the body is a fatal thunderstroke7 the more firm has been my admiration2 for albeit the flower of her youth has withered visibly with time1 the beauty of her soul has grown with the years1 and as it was the beginning of my love for her1 even so has it been its sustainer4 ,otherwise if it had been her bodily form which attracted me1 it was1 ere this1 time to make a change4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,are you mocking me8 ,do you mean to assert that if the same soul had been lodged in a body ill-formed and poor to look upon1 you would have taken equal delight therein8 ,petrarch4 ,i dare not say that4 ,for the soul itself cannot be discerned1 and the image of a body like that would have given no indication of such a soul4 ,but were it possible for the soul to be visible to my gaze1 ,i should most certainly have loved its beauty even though its dwelling-place were poor4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you are relying on mere words2 for if you are only able to love that which is visible to your gaze1 then what you love is the bodily form4 ,however1 ,i deny not that her soul and her character have helped to feed your flame1 for 7as ,i will show you before long7 her name alone has both little and much kindled your mad passion2 for1 as in all the affections of the soul1 it happens most of all in this one that oftentimes a very little spark will light a great fire4 ,petrarch4 ,i see where you would drive me4 ,you want to make me say with ,ovid-- ,i love at once her body and her soul4#h ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 and you ought to confess this also1 that neither in one or the other case has your love been temperate or what it should be4 ,petrarch4 ,you will have to put me to the torture ere ,i will make any such confession4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and you will allow that this love has also cast you into great miseries4 ,petrarch4 ,though you place me on the block itself1 ,i will not acknowledge any such thing4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,if you do not ignore my questions and conclusions1 you will soon make both those confessions4 ,tell me1 then1 can you recall the years when you were a little child1 or have the crowding cares of your present life blotted all that time out8 ,petrarch4 ,my childhood and youth are as vividly before my eyes as if they were yesterday4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you remember1 then1 how in those times you had the fear of ,god1 how you thought about ,death1 what love you had for ,religion1 how dear goodness and virtue were to you8 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i remember it all1 and ,i am sorry when ,i see that as my years increased these virtues grew less and less in me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,for my part ,i have ever been afraid lest the wind of ,spring should cut that early blossom off1 which1 if only it might be left whole and unhurt1 would have produced a wondrous fruitage4 ,petrarch4 ,pray do not wander from the subject2 for what has this to do with the question we were discussing8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i will tell you4 ,recall each step in your life1 since your remembrance is so complete and fresh2 recall all the course of your life1 and recollect at what period this great change you speak of began4 ,petrarch4 ,i have run over in my mind all the course and number of my years4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and what do you find8 ,petrarch4 ,i see that the doctrine in the treatise of ,pythagoras1 of which ,i have heard tell and have read1 is by no means void of truth4 ,for when travelling the right road1 still temperate and modest1 ,i had reached the parting of the ways and had been bidden to turn to the right hand1 whether from carelessness or perversity ,i know not1 behold ,i turned to the left2 and what ,i had read in my boyhood was of no profit to me-- ,here the ways part3 the right will thee conduct ,to the walled palace of the mighty ,king ,and to ,elysium1 but the left will lead ,where sin is punished and the malefactor ,goes to his dreaded doom4#i ,although ,i had read of all this before1 yet ,i understood it not until ,i found it by experience4 ,afterwards ,i went wrong1 in this foul and crooked pathway1 and often in mind went back with tears and sorrow1 yet could not keep the right way2 and it was when ,i left that way1 yes1 that was certainly the time when all this confusion in my life began4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and in what period of your age did this take place8 ,petrarch4 ,about the middle of my growing youth4 ,but if you give me a minute or two1 ,i think ,i can recall the exact year when it took place4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i do not ask for the precise date1 but tell me about when was it that you saw the form and feature of this woman for the first time8 ,petrarch4 ,never assuredly shall ,i forget that day4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,well now1 put two and two together2 compare the two dates4 ,petrarch4 ,i must confess in truth they coincide4 ,i first saw her and ,i turned from my right course at one and the same time4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that is all ,i wanted4 ,you became infatuated4 ,the unwonted dazzle blinded your eyes1 so ,i believe4 ,for they say the first effect of love is blindness4 ,so one reads in the poet most conversant with ,nature-- ,at the first sight was that ,sidonian dame ,blinded1 and then he adds presently-- ,with love was ,dido burning4#aj ,and though1 as you well know1 the story is but on ancient fable1 yet did the ,poet in making it follow the order of ,nature4 ,and when you had been struck blind by this meeting1 if you chose the left-hand path it was because to you it seemed more broad and easy2 for that to the right is steep and narrow1 and of its hardship you were afraid4 ,but that woman so renowned1 whom you imagine as your most safe guide1 wherefore did not she direct you upward1 hesitating and trembling as you were8 ,why did she not take you by the hand as one does the blind1 and set you in the way where you should walk8 ,petrarch4 ,she certainly did so1 as far as it was in her power4 ,what but this was in her heart when1 unmoved by my entreaties1 unyielding to my caress1 she safeguarded her woman's honour1 and in spite of her youth and mine1 in spite of a thousand circumstances that would have bent a heart of adamant1 she stood her ground1 resolute and unsubdued8 ,yes1 this womanly soul taught me what should be the honour and duty of a man2 and to preserve her chastity she did1 as ,seneca expresses it-- ,what was to me at once an example and a reproach4#aa ,and at last1 when she saw the reins of my chariot were broken and that ,i was rushing to the abyss1 she chose rather to part from me than follow where ,i went4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,base desires1 then1 sometimes you felt1 though not long since you denied it8 ,but it is the common folly of lovers1 let me say of mad folk4 ,one may say of them all alike-- ,i would not1 yet ,i would2 ,i would1 yet would not4#ab ,you know not1 any of you1 what you want or what you want not4 ,petrarch4 ,without seeing1 ,i fell into the snare4 ,but if in past days my feelings were other than they are now1 love and youth were the cause4 ,now ,i know what ,i wish and what ,i desire1 and ,i have at last made firm my staggering soul4 ,she for her part has ever been firm in her mind and always the same4 ,the more ,i understand this woman's constancy1 the more ,i admire it2 and if sometimes ,i regretted her resolution1 now ,i rejoice in it and give her thanks4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is not easy to believe a man who has once taken you in4 ,you may have changed the outside fashion of your life1 but have not yet persuaded me that your soul is also changed4 ,if your flame is calmed and softened somewhat1 yet it is not for certain quite put out4 ,but you who set such price on her you love1 do you not see how deeply by absolving her you condemn yourself8 ,you delight in seeing in her the model of purity1 and you avow yourself to be without any feeling and a criminal2 and you protest that she is the most happy of women1 while her love has made you the most unhappy of men4 ,if you remember1 it is just what ,i said at the beginning4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i remember4 ,i cannot deny that what you say is true1 and ,i see whither you are gradually leading me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to see it better still1 lend me all your attention4 ,nothing so much leads a man to forget or despise ,god as the love of things temporal1 and most of all this passion that we call love2 and to which1 by the greatest of all desecrations1 we even gave the name of ,god1 without doubt only that we may throw a heavenly veil over our human follies and make a pretext of divine inspiration when we want to commit an enormous transgression4 ,in the case of the other passions1 the sight of the object1 the hope of enjoying it1 and the ardour of the will take us captive4 ,love also demands all that1 but in addition it asks also a reciprocal passion1 without which it will be forced to die away4 ,so1 whereas in the other cases one loves singly and alone1 in this case we must give love for love1 and thus man's heart is stung and stung again4 ,therefore1 ,cicero was right when he wrote that ,of all the passions of the soul1 assuredly the most violent is love1#ac and he must have been very certain of his ground when he added that assuredly--he who in four books shows he was aware how ,plato's ,academy doubted everything4#ad ,petrarch4 ,i have often noticed that reference1 and wondered that of the passions he should call this the most violent of all4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,your surprise would have vanished if you had not lost your powers of memory4 ,but ,i must recall you by a short admonition to a recollection of its many evils4 ,think what you were when that plague seized upon your soul2 how suddenly you fell to bemoaning1 and came to such a pitch of wretchedness that you felt a morbid pleasure in feeding on tears and sighs4 ,passing sleepless nights1 and murmuring ever the name of your beloved1 scorning everything1 hating life1 desiring death1 with a melancholy love for being alone1 avoiding all your fellow-men1 one might well apply to you1 for they exactly fit your case1 the lines in which ,homer describes ,bellerophon-- ,there in the pleasant fields he wandered sad1 ,eating his heart1 far from the ways of men4#ae ,what meant that pale face and wasted figure8 that flower of your age withering before its time1 those heavy eyes1 ever bathed in tears1 your mind in a state of agitation1 your broken rest and troubled moans1 even when you were asleep8 ,why was your voice weak and altered through your sorrow of heart1 and the very sound of your words1 indistinct and broken1 with whatever other token can be imagined1 of a heart distressed and in disorder8 ,do you call these the signs of one in good health8 ,was it not this lady with whom for you every day1 whether feast or fast1 began and ended8 ,was it not at her coming the sun shone forth1 and when she left you1 night returned8 ,every change of her countenance brought a change in your heart2 and if she were sad1 you forthwith were filled with sadness4 ,in a word1 your life became wholly dependent upon hers4 ,you know that ,i say but what is true and what is in every one's mouth4 ,and what could be more senseless than that1 not content with the presence of her living face1 the cause of all your woes1 you must needs obtain a painted picture by an artist#af of high repute1 that you might carry it everywhere with you1 to have an everlasting spring of tears1 fearing1 ,i suppose1 lest otherwise their fountain might dry up8 ,of all such things you were only too vigilant1 and you neglected everything else4 ,but to come to that which is the very crowning instance of your folly1 and of which ,i gave you warning a little while ago1 who could sufficiently utter his indignation and amazement at this sign of a distempered mind1 that1 infatuated as much by the beauty of her name as of her person1 you have with perfectly incredible silliness paid honour to anything that has the remotest connection with that name itself8 ,had you any liking for the laurel of empire or of poetry1 it was forsooth because the name they bore was hers2 and from this time onwards there is hardly a verse from your pen but in it you have made mention of the laurel1 as if indeed you were a denizen of ,peneus' stream1#ag or some priest on ,cirrha's#ah ,mount4 ,and finally1 discovering that the laurel of empire was beyond your reach1 you have1 with as little self-restraint as you showed in the case of your beloved herself1 now coveted the laurel of ,poetry of which the merit of your works seemed to give more promise4 ,although to gain your reward you were borne up on the wings of genius1 yet will you shudder to remember with what trouble you attained it4 ,i clearly divine what excuse you will make1 and ,i see your thought the moment you open your lips4 ,you will allege that you were devoted to these studies some time before you became a lover at all1 and that desire for the glory of the poet's crown had kindled your heart from childhood4 ,i neither deny it or forget it2 but the fact of the usage being obsolete for centuries1 and this being an epoch very unfavourable for studies like yours1 the dangers also of long voyages1 which would have brought you to the threshold of prison and of death itself1 not to mention other obstacles of fortune no less violent than those--all these difficulties1 ,i say1 would perhaps have broken your resolve entirely1 if the remembrance of a name so sweet1 always entwining itself with your inmost soul1 had not banished every other care1 and drawn you over sea1 over land1 across mountains of difficulty1 to ,rome and to ,naples1 where at length you attained what you had longed for with such ardour4 ,if all this seems to you the token of but a moderate passion1 then at least shall be quite certain you are the victim of the moderate delusion4 ,i purposely leave out what ,cicero was not ashamed to imitate from ,terence when he wrote1 ,wrongs1 suspicions1 fierce quarrels1 jealousies1 war1 and then again peace--behold the miseries of love4 ,do you not recognise at once in his words the madness and1 above all1 the madness of jealousy which1 as one knows too well1 is the ruling power in love as love is the ruling passion among all others8 ,perhaps you may reply3 ,i admit it is so1 but reason will be there to temper such excess4 ,terence himself had anticipated your answer when he added-- ,such fickle things to settle by sane rule ,is to be sanely insane4#ai ,the phrase1 the truth of which you will scarcely question1 puts an end1 unless ,i am mistaken1 to all those subterfuges of yours4 ,such1 then1 are the miseries of love1 the particulars of which it is needless to mention to those who have proved them1 and which would not be believed by those who never tried4 ,but the worst of them all1 to come back to our subject1 is that it engenders a forgetfulness of ,god and of man's real state4 ,for how should the soul thus crushed beneath these weights ever arise to that one and only most pure fountain of true ,good8 ,and since it is so1 you may lay aside your wonder that ,cicero should tell us no passion of man's soul seemed to him more violent than love4 ,petrarch4 ,i must own myself beaten2 for it appears all you have said is taken from the very heart of the book of experience4 ,and as you have quoted from the play of ,terence1 let me please myself by bringing from there also this sad complaint-- ,o deed of shame6 now am ,i foil of woe4 ,weary ,i burn with love2 with open eyes1 ,brain clear1 ,i am undone2 and what to do ,i know not4#bj ,i would also call to mind this counsel from the same poet's words-- ,think1 while there's time1 again and yet again4#ba ,s4 ,augustine4 ,and ,i likewise from the lips of ,terence will give you my reply-- ,what in itself contains no rule or reason1 ,by rule or reason you can never hold4#bb ,petrarch4 ,what is to be done1 then8 ,am ,i to despair8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,that is the last thing in the world to do4 ,however1 let me briefly tell you the remedy ,i propose4 ,you know that on this subject there are not only special treatises compiled by philosophers of eminence1 but that some of the most famous poets have written on it whole books4 ,it would be almost an insult to point out which they are1 above all1 to you who are a past-master in the whole field1 or to offer any advice as to reading them2 but perhaps ,i might say a word without offence to suggest in what way their study might be applied for your own welfare4 ,first1 then1 notice what is said by ,cicero-- ,some think that an old love can best be driven out by a new1 as one nail is by another4#bc ,and ,ovid agrees1 giving this general rule-- ,old love affairs must always yield to new4#bd ,and without a doubt it is the truth1 for the mind thus divided and parcelled out between different objects feels itself moved with less force towards each one4 ,so the river ,ganges1 they tell us1 was divided up by the ,persian king into countless channels1 and this river1 that was so deep and formidable1 was cut up into a thousand inconsiderable streamlets4 ,and so an army1 broken up and scattered1 becomes vulnerable by the enemy2 so ,fire dispersed dies down2 in a word1 every power in the world1 if concentrated1 increases1 but by dispersion is reduced4 ,on the other hand1 ,i think this is not to be overlooked1 that there may be great danger when you lay aside a passion and1 if one may say so1 a passion of the nobler kind2 you may1 if you are not watchful1 fall into dissipation of another sort1 run after women and become a loose libertine4 ,in my judgment1 then1 if one must die for certain1 there is some consolation in dying of a nobler rather than a less noble wound4 ,so if you ask my advice1 it is this3 ,take your courage in both hands4 ,fly1 if you possibly can2 and ,i would even say1 go from one prison to another2 perchance you might escape by the way or else find a milder discipline to be under4 ,only beware1 when your neck is freed from one such yoke as this1 that you place it not under the weight of a crowd of more base and vile oppressions4 ,s4 ,petrarch4 ,while the doctor is finishing his advice1 will he allow the patient1 in the throes of his malady1 to interrupt him for a minute8 ,augustine4 ,of course4 ,why not8 ,many a doctor1 guided by the symptoms of his patient thus declared1 has been able to find the very remedy he needed4 ,petrarch4 ,then what ,i want to say is just this3 ,for me to love another is impossible4 ,my mind has grown only to love her2 my eyes to look only for her2 excepting her1 all to them is nothing1 or is mere darkness4 ,and so if your remedy is that in order to be healed of this love ,i should love another1 your condition is an impossible one4 ,in that case all is over1 and ,i am lost4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,your senses are dulled1 your appetite is lost2 since then you can take no internal remedy1 one must have recourse to other treatment and see what can be done by change of scene4 ,can you bring your mind to think of flight or exile and going right away from the places that you know8 ,petrarch4 ,though ,i feel that her attraction draws me to her with hooks of steel1 nevertheless if ,i have to go1 ,i can4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,if you can1 you will be safe4 ,what else can ,i say1 then1 but this advice of ,virgil's1 changing only two little words-- ,ah6 flee this land beloved1 and leave behind shore to thee so dear4#be ,for how can you continue in safety in these scenes where there are so many memories of your wounds1 where things present and the memory of things past cling always to you8 ,so that ,i say1 as ,cicero also advises1 ,seek change of scene2 take care to do as one does who is recovering from some illness4#bf ,petrarch4 ,think of what you are prescribing4 ,for how often and often1 longing to get well1 and familiar with advice like this1 have ,i tried this remedy of flight2 and though ,i have feigned various other reasons for it1 yet the end and aim of all my peregrinations and all my retirement to the country was this one thing--to become free6 ,for that ,i have wandered far away to the ,west1 to the ,north1 to the very confines of the ocean4 ,far and wide have ,i roamed4 ,you see what good it has done me4 ,and so ,virgil's simile has many a time come home to my heart1-- ,e'en as the stricken deer1 that unaware ,rooming afar in pleasant groves of ,crete1 ,the hunter pierces with his weapon keen4 ,and she unknowing o'er ,mount ,dicte's side ,flees wounded1 and the fatal arrow cleaves ,to her poor side4#bg ,i am even as that deer4 ,i have fled1 but ,i bear everywhere my wound with me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yourself have given me the answer for which you look4 ,petrarch4 ,how so8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,why1 do you not see that if a man bears his wound with him1 change of scone is but an aggravation of his pain and not a means of healing it8 ,one might say your case is just that of the young man who complained to ,socrates that he had been a tour and it had done him no good whatever4 ,you went touring with yourself1#bh said the ,sage4 ,you must first break off the old load of your passions2 you must make your soul ready4 ,then you must fly4 ,for it is proved to demonstration1 not only in things physical but in moral also1 that unless the patient is well disposed1 the doctor's help is in vain4 ,otherwise were you to go to the far-off ,indies1 you will find that ,horace only spoke truth when he said-- ,who cross the ocean making peace their goal1 ,change but their sky and cannot change their soul4 ,or thus-- ,we come to this2 when o'er the world we range1 ',tis but our climate1 not our mind1 we change4#bi ,petrarch4 ,i must say ,i cannot follow you4 ,you give me a prescription to cure and heal my soul and tell me ,i must first heal it and then flee4 ,now1 my difficulty is ,i do not know how to heal it4 ,if it is cured1 what more do ,i need8 ,but if1 again1 it is not cured1 what good will change of scene bring me8 ,the help you offer me is useless4 ,tell me briefly what are the remedies ,i must use8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i did not say that you must cure and heal your soul4 ,what ,i said was you must make it ready4 ,as for the rest1 either you will be cured1 and the change of scene will then establish your health on a firm footing2 or you will not yet be cured1 but only made ready1 and then the change of scene will have the same ultimate result4 ,but1 if your soul is neither cured nor made ready1 this change and frequent moving from place to place will only stir up its grief4 ,i will still advise you to take a leaf out of ,horace's book-- ,for if the cure of mental ills is due ,to sense and wisdom1 not a fine sea view1#cj --what he says is true4 ,you will set out full of the hope and the wish to return1 carrying along with you all that has ensnared your soul4 ,in whatever place you are1 to whatever side you turn1 you will behold the face1 you will hear the voice of her whom you have left4 ,by that sad enchantment that belongs to lovers1 you will have power to see her though you are absent1 and to hear her though she is far away2 and do you imagine that love is to be extinguished by subterfuges like this8 ,believe me1 it will rather burn more fiercely4 ,those who call themselves masters in the art of love enjoin among their other maxims short absences one from another on the part of lovers1 for fear they should become tired of seeing each other face to face or from their importunity4 ,therefore ,i advise1 ,i recommend1 ,i enjoin upon you that you learn to wholly sever your soul from that which weighs it down and go away without hope of return4 ,you will discover then1 but not before1 what absence is able to do for the soul's healing4 ,if fate had placed your lot in some unhealthy plague-stricken region where you were liable to constant illness1 should you not flee from it never to return8 ,and so ,i counsel you to do now1 unless1 as ,i much fear1 men care more for their body than their soul4 ,petrarch4 ,that is their affair4 ,but undoubtedly if ,i found myself ill on account of the unhealthiness of the place ,i was in1 ,i should choose for my recovery some place with a healthier climate1 and ,i should act in the same way1 and with stronger reasons still1 in case of maladies of the soul4 ,yet1 as far as ,i can see1 the cure of these is a more difficult matter4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the united testimony of the greatest philosophers proves the falsity of that assertion4 ,it is evident that all the maladies of the soul can be healed if only the patient puts no obstacle in the way1 although many diseases of the body are incurable by any known means4 ,for the rest1 and not to go too far from our subject1 ,i stick to my judgment4 ,you must1 as ,i said1 make your soul ready1 and teach it to renounce the object of its love1 never once to turn back1 never to see that which it was wont to look for4 ,this is the only sure road for a lover2 and if you wish to preserve your soul from ruin1 this is what you must do4 ,petrarch4 ,that you may see how perfectly ,i have learned all you have said1 let me recapitulate that to go for change of scene is useless1 unless the soul is first made ready2 such journeys will cure it when made ready1 and will establish it when once cured4 ,is not that the conclusion of your threefold precept8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 it is precisely that1 and you sum up very well what ,i have unfolded4 ,petrarch4 ,i could have divined your two first truths by myself1 without you pointing them out2 but as for the third1 that the soul1 when it is cured and established in health1 still needs absence1 ,i do not understand it1 unless it is the fear of a relapse that is the motive of what you say4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but you surely do not suppose that to be a slight point even in bodily health8 ,and how much more grave a matter ought one to think it in regard to the soul1 where a relapse is so much more rapid and dangerous4 ,so ,i would say1 let us refer once more to what seems one of the soundest remarks of ,seneca1 where in a letter he writes1 ,if any man wishes to have done with love he must avoid all recollection of the beloved form1 and adds as his reason1 ,for nothing is so easily rekindled to life again as love4#ca ,o how true a saying is that1 and from what profound experience of life is he speaking6 ,but it is needless to call any other witness of this than your own knowledge will supply4 ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i agree he speaks truth1 but if you notice he is speaking not of one who already has done with love1 but of one who wishes to have done with it4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,he speaks of any man who is in danger4 ,any kind of blow is more dangerous if there is some wound before unhealed1 or some disease not yet cured2 and even afterwards it is not safe4 ,and since we remember most1 instances that have come home to us in our own experience1 let me ask how often have you who speak to me not found yourself1 as you went about these well-known spots1 by their mere look1 though no person met you1 reminded of your former vanities2 standing speechless1 full of sighs1 as you pace this town that has been1 ,i will not say the cause1 but at any rate the scene of all your evils2 though before you came back to it you thought you were cured1 and would have been to a very great extent if only you had remained away8 ,and then with difficulty restraining your tears1 half-wounded to death1 you have fled1 and cried to your own heart1 ,here in these places ,i see at every turn the ambush of my ancient foe4 ,the signs of death are ever about me6 ,so1 then1 were you healed already1 if you would take counsel of me1 ,i should say1 ,do not stay long in this place4 ,it is not wise for the prisoner who has broken his chains to go wandering round the prison gates1 ever ready to take him in again1 before which the jailer is ever on guard1 laying his traps with special care to recapture those whose escape he regrets4 ,the downward path to hell is ever smooth1 ,its dismal gate is open night and day4#cb ,if precautions like these are needful for men in health1 how much more are they in the case of those who have not yet shaken off their sickness4 ,it is of the latter that ,seneca was thinking when he wrote that maxim4 ,he was giving counsel to those who were most in danger1 for it was no use to speak of those whom the flame had already devoured and who were past all care for their safety4 ,he addressed himself to those in another stage1 who still felt the heat but tried to come forth of the flame4 ,many a sick man on the way to recovery has been thrown back by a draught of water which before his illness would have done him no harm2 and often has one wearied out1 with a long day's work1 been knocked down by some trifling shake which when he was in his full strength would not have moved him at all4 ,it needs but a trifle sometimes1 when the soul is emerging from its miseries1 to plunge it quite back once more into the abyss4 ,to see the purple on the shoulders of another will rouse again all our sleeping ambition2 the sight of a little pile of money sets up our thirst for gold2 one look at some fair lady will stir again our desire2 the light glance of an eye will awaken sleeping love4 ,it is no wonder plagues like these take possession of your minds1 when you see the madness of the world2 and when once they have found their way back to the soul1 they come with fatal ease4 ,and since it is so1 it is not enough merely to leave a plague-stricken spot1 but you1 ,o man1 must keep on in your flight for life1 till you have escaped everything that might drag the soul back to its old passions2 for fear lest1 when you return from the pit with ,orpheus and look back1 you lose your ,eurydice once more4 ,such is the sum of my counsel4 ,petrarch4 ,i accept it heartily and with thankfulness1 for ,i feel that the remedy is suited to my wound4 ,my intention is to fly1 but ,i know not yet where lies the direction ,i should choose4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,a thousand ways are open to you to make choice of on every side2 a thousand ports are ready to receive you4 ,i know that1 more than to other lands1 your heart turns to ,italy1 and that a love of your native soil is inborn in you2 and you are right1 for-- ,not ,media's forests rich1 nor ,ganges' stream1 ,though fair it be1 nor ,hermus rolling gold1 ,may vie with ,italy2 ,bactria and ,ind1 ,and all ,pachaia with its odours rare ,shall not be mentioned4#cc ,i think you have yourself not long ago1 in a letter to one of your friends1#cd treated this theme of the famous ,poet at fuller length in a ,latin poem4 ,italy then would be my choice for you2 because the ways of its people1 its climate1 the sea washing its shores1 the ,apennine range coming between them1 all promise that a sojourn there would be better suited to extirpate your troubles than going anywhere else in the world4 ,i would not1 however1 wish to confine you only to one corner of the land4 ,go under good auspices wherever inclination may lead2 go without fear and with a free mind2 take no backward glances1 forget the past and step forward to the future4 ,see how long you have been a stranger to your own country and your own self4 ,it is time to return1 for-- ,o now 'tis evening1 and the night ,is chiefly friend to thieves4#ce ,i warn you in words of your own4 ,one further counsel ,i must urge which ,i had nearly forgotten4 ,you must avoid solitude1 until you are quite sure that you have not a trace of your old ailment left4 ,you told me that a country life had done you no good4 ,there is nothing surprising in that4 ,what remedy were you likely to find in a place all lonely and remote8 ,let me confess that often when you were retreating thither all by yourself1 sighing1 and turning longing eyes back to the town1 ,i have laughed heartily and said to myself3 ,what a blindfold fool love has made of this unhappy wight6 and led him to quite forget the verse that every schoolboy knows1 about flying from his trouble and finding his death4 ,petrarch4 ,i am afraid you are right1 but what are the lines to which you allude8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ovid1 of course4 ,lover6 whoe'er you be1 dwell not alone2 ,in solitude you're sure to be undone4 ,you're safer in a crowd2 the word is true1 ,lone woods are not the place for such as you4#cf ,petrarch4 ,yes1 ,i remember them perfectly1 and knew them almost by heart from my childhood4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,much good has it done you to know so many things yet not know how to suit them to your need4 ,when you not only know all the testimony of the ancients1 but have yourself proved the evils of solitude1 it astonishes me that you should commit such a blunder as to seek it4 ,you have1 in fact1 often complained that there was no good in being alone4 ,you have expressed it in a thousand places1 and especially in the fine poem you composed on your own misfortune4 ,the sweet accents of it charmed me while you were writing4#cg ,it surprised me to hear a song so harmonious arise from a soul so full of agitation1 and come from the lips of a man so far out of his senses and ,i asked myself what power of love can stay the offended ,muses from abandoning so dire a nest of troubles1 and1 scared by such aberration of mind in their host1 forsaking utterly their wonted dwelling8 ,i thought of words of ,plato1 ,let no man wholly sane knock at ,poe try'd door1 and then of ,aristotle1 who followed him and said1 ,all great genius has a touch of madness in it1#ch but ,i remembered that in these sayings of theirs they were thinking of a frenzy far indeed removed from yours4 ,however1 we will return to this subject at some other time4 ,petrarch4 ,i must fain own what you say is the truth2 but ,i never thought to have made verses so harmonious as to be worth your praise and commendation4 ,they will be all the dearer to me now that ,i know it4 ,if you have other remedy to offer me1 ,i beg you withhold it not from him who is in need4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,to unfold all one knows is the act of a braggart more than of a wise friend4 ,and remember that men did not invent all the sundry kinds of remedies1 internal and external1 for diverse kinds of sickness1 on purpose that each and every one should be tried on every occasion2 but that1 as ,seneca remarks to ,lucilius1 ,nothing is so contrary to the work of healing as a frequent change of remedy2 and no wound will ever be healed perfectly1 to which first one and then another medicine is continually applied4 ,the true way is only to try the new when the old remedy has failed4#ci ,so1 then1 although the remedies for this kind of ailment are many and varied1 ,i will content myself with only pointing out a few1 and ,i will choose those which in my judgment will best suit your need4 ,for indeed1 ,i have no wish merely to show you what is new1 but only to tell you1 of all those which are known1 what remedies1 so far as ,i can judge1 are most likely in your case to be efficacious4 ,there are three things1 as ,cicero says1 that will avert the mind of man from ,love1--,satiety1 ,shamefastness1 ,reflection4#dj ,there may indeed be more2 there may be less4 ,but1 to follow the steps of so great an authority1 let us suppose there are three4 ,it will be useless for me to speak of the first in your case1 because you will judge it is impossible you should ever come to satiety of your love4 ,but still if your passion will hear the voice of reason and judge the future from the past1 you will readily agree that an object1 even the most beloved1 can produce1 ,i do not say satiety only1 but even weariness and disgust4 ,now1 as ,i am quite sure ,i should be entering on a vain quest if ,i embark on this track1 because1 even if it were granted that satiety is a possible thing1 and that it kills love1 you will pretend that by the ardour of your passion you are a thousand leagues removed from any such possibility1 and1 as ,i am not at all disposed to deny it1 what remains is for me to touch only upon the other two remedies that are left4 ,you will not wish to dispute my assertion that ,nature has endowed you with a certain power of reason1 and also with some talent for forming a weighty judgment4 ,petrarch4 ,unless ,i am deceived by acting as judge in my own cause1 what you say is so true that ,i am often inclined to fear ,i am too wanting in what is due both to my sex and this age2 wherein1 as you doubtless observe1 everything goes to the shameless4 ,honours1 prosperity1 wealth--all these hold the field2 and to these1 virtue itself1 nay even fortune1 must give way4#da ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you not see what conflict there is between ,love and ,shamefastness8 ,while the one urges the soul forward1 the other holds it back2 the one drives in the spur1 the other pulls hard at the bridle2 the one looks at nothing1 the other watches carefully on every side4 ,petrarch4 ,this is only too familiar to me1 and ,i feel to my cost how distracted is my life by passions so contrary4 ,they come upon me by turn1 so that my poor spirit1 tossed hither and thither1 knows not which impulse to obey4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,do you mind telling me if you have looked in your glass lately8 ,petrarch4 ,and1 pray1 what do you ask that question for8 ,i have only done as usual4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,heaven grant you do it no oftener1 neither with more self-complacency1 than you should6 ,well1 and have you not noticed that your face is changing from day to day1 and that from time to time grey hairs begin to show themselves around your temples8 ,petrarch4 ,is that all8 ,i thought you were about to ask me something out of the common2 but to grow up1 to grow old1 to die is the common lot of all that are born4 ,i have observed what befalls almost all my contemporaries2 for nowadays men seem to age more quickly than they used to1 though ,i know not why or wherefore4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the growing old of others will not give you back your youth1 neither will their dying bring you immortality4 ,so let us leave on one side everything else and return to your own case4 ,tell me2 when you have noticed these signs of change in your body1 has it not brought some change also in your soul8 ,petrarch4 ,it has certainly made some impression on me1 but not exactly a change4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what1 then1 were your thoughts1 and what did you say to yourself8 ,petrarch4 ,what would you have me say1 except what was said by ,domitian the ,emperor1 ,with even mind ,i brook the sight of watching1 though still young1 my hairs grow grey4#db ,so illustrious an example has consoled me for what grey hairs ,i too behold4 ,and if ,i needed more1 ,i brought to mind a king beside that emperor2 ,i mean ,numa ,pompilius the ,second1 who1 as the historian relates1 had grey hair even from his youth4 ,and ,poetry as well as ,history comes to my aid1 since in his ,bucolics our own ,virgil1 writing when he was but five-and-twenty1 speaking of himself in the person of a shepherd1 exclaims-- ,when now my whitening beard the razor knew4#dc ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what vast abundance of examples you can command6 ,pray heaven you have as many recollections of your own death4 ,for ,i praise not those exemplars that lead one to dissemble grey hairs which are the heralds of old age1 and the avant-couriers of ,death4 ,and good those examples are not1 if their effect is to take you off the trouble of remembering how time flies1 and to lead you to forget your own last hour2 to the recollection of which the whole of my discourse is entirely and without ceasing directed4 ,when ,i bid you think on your own whitening forehead1 do you quote me a crowd of famous men whose locks were white also8 ,what does it prove8 ,ah1 if you were able to say these were immortal1 then you might from their example put away the dread of your changing brow4 ,if instead of mentioning greyness ,i had ventured to hint that you were getting bald1 you would1 ,i suppose1 have thrown ,julius ,csar in my teeth6 ,petrarch4 ,certainly4 ,what more illustrious example could ,i need8 ,now1 unless ,i am mistaken1 it is in fact a great comfort to find oneself surrounded by companions so famous4 ,yes1 ,i will freely admit that ,i am not disposed for a moment to reject such examples1 which are1 for me1 part of the luggage ,i carry daily in my mind2 for it is a pleasure to me not only in such misfortunes as ,nature or chance have already allotted me1 but also in those which they may still have in store2 it is a pleasure1 ,i say1 to have ever at hand such matter of comfort and consolation as ,i can obtain only from some truly cogent reason or outstanding example4 ,if1 then1 you meant to reproach me for being afraid of thunder--a charge ,i could not deny 7and one of the chief reasons why ,i love the laurel is because it is said that thunder will not strike this tree71 then ,i shall reply to you that this was a weakness ,csar ,augustus shared2 if you allege that ,i am getting blind 7and there also you would be right71 ,i should quote you ,appius ,ccus and also ,homer1 the ,prince of ,poets2 if you call me one-eyed1 ,i will1 shield myself behind ,hannibal1 the ,punic leader1 or ,philip1 ,king of ,macedon2 call me deaf1 and ,marcus ,crassus shall be my defence2 say ,i cannot stand the heat1 and ,i will say ,i am but like ,alexander1 ,prince of ,macedonia4 ,it were tedious to go through all the list2 but after these you can judge who they would be4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes1 perfectly4 ,i am nowise displeased with your wealth of instances1 provided it does not make you self-negligent and only serves to disperse the clouds of fear and sadness4 ,i applaud anything that helps a man to face with courage the coming of old age1 and keeps him from bewailing its presence when it has arrived4 ,but ,i loathe and abominate profoundly everything that conceals from him the truth that old age is the port of departure from this life1 and blinds him to the need of reflecting on death4 ,to take with equanimity the going grey before one's time is the sign of a good natural disposition2 but to try and interpose artificial checks1 to cheat time of his years1 to raise an outcry and declare grey hairs are come too soon1 to begin dyeing or plucking them out1 is a piece of folly1 which1 common as it may be1 is none the less egregious for all that4 ,you perceive not1 ,o blind that you are1 how swiftly the stars roll in their course1 and how soon the flight of time consumes the space of your short life1 and you marvel when you see old age coming on1 hastening quickly the despatch of all your days4 ,two causes seem to foster this delusion4 ,the first is that even the shortest life is partitioned out by some people into four1 by others into six1 and by others again into a still larger number of periods2 that is to say1 the reality is so small1 and as you cannot make it longer1 you think you will enlarge it by division4 ,but of what profit tis all this dividing8 ,make as many particles as you like1 and they are all gone in a moment1 in the twinkling of an eye4 ,yesterday was born the baby1 ,see to-day the lovely boy1 ,then the young man quick as may be1 ,then an end of life and joy4 ,you observe with what quick hurrying words the subtle poet has sketched out the swift course of our life4 ,so it is in vain you strive to lengthen out what ,nature1 the mother of us all1 has made so short4 ,the second cause is that you will persist in letting old age find you still in the midst of games and empty pleasures2 like the old ,trojans who in their customary ways passed the last night without perceiving4 ,the cunning1 fatal horse1 who bore within ,those armed bands1 had overleapt the wall ,of ,pergamos4#dd ,yes1 even so you perceive not that old age1 bringing in his train the armed warrior ,death1 unpitying and stem1 has over-leapt the weakly-guarded rampart of your body2 and then you find your foe has already glided by stealth along his rope-- ,and now the invader climbs within the gate ,and takes the city in its drunken sleep4#de ,for in the gross body and the pleasure of things temporal1 not less drunk are you than those old ,trojans were1 as ,virgil saw them1 in their slumber and their wine4 ,or1 looking to another quarter1 no less truth is to be found in the neat lines of the ,satirist-- ,our lives unfold in morning air ,as lilies of a day1 ',come bring us wine1' we shout4 ',ho1 there1 ,fetch garlands1 odours1 damsels fair4' ,but ah6 before we are aware1 ,old ,age sweeps all away4#df ,now1 to come back to our subject and to yourself1 when this old age comes stealing on and knocks at your door1 you make an effort to bar him out4 ,you pretend that by some infraction of the order of ,nature he has come too soon4 ,you are delighted when you come across some rather elderly person who declares he knew you when you were a child1 especially if1 as people generally do1 he makes out it was but yesterday or the day before4 ,you find it convenient to forget that one can say as much about any old dotard however decrepit4 ,who was not a child yesterday1 or to-day1 as far as that goes8 ,we can look here and there and find infants of ninety quarrelling about trifles and even now occupied with infantine toys4 ,the days flee away1 the body decays1 the soul is where it was4 ,though everything is rotten with age1 the soul has never grown up1 never come to maturity1 and it is a truth1 as the proverb says1 ,one soul uses up many bodies4 ,infancy passes1 but1 as ,seneca remarks1 childishness remains4#dg ,and1 believe me1 perhaps you are not so young as you imagine1 for the greater part of mankind have not yet reached the age which you have4 ,blush1 therefore1 to pass for an aged lover2 blush to be so long the ,public's jest2 and if true glory has no charm for you and ridicule no terror1 at least let change of heart come to the rescue and save you from disgrace4 ,for1 if ,i see things at all truly1 a man should guard his reputation1 if only to spare his own friends the shameful necessity of telling lies4 ,all the world owes this to itself1 but especially such a man as yourself1 who have so great a public to justify1 and one which is always talking of you4 ,great is the task to guard a great man's name4#dh ,if in your poem of ,africa you make a truculent enemy tender such good counsel to your beloved ,scipio1 you may well allow1 for your own profit1 a father1 who loves you tenderly1 to utter with his lips the very same monition4 ,put away the childish things of infancy2 quench the burning desires of youth2 think not all the time of what you are going to be and do next2 look carefully what you are now2 do not imagine that the mirror has been put before your eyes for nothing1 but remember that which is written in the ,book of ,questions on ,nature3-- ,mirrors were invented that men might know themselves4 ,much profit comes thereby4 ,first1 knowledge of self2 second1 wise counsel4 ,you are handsome1 then beware of what disfigures3 plain1 then make up by virtue what is wanting in good looks4 ,you are young1 then remember youth's springtime is the time for study and for manly work3 old1 then lay aside the ugly vices off the flesh and turn your thoughts to what will be the latter end4#di ,petrarch4 ,it has dwelt in my remembrance always1 from the first day that ever ,i read it2 for the thing itself is worth remembering and its warning is wise4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,of what profit has it been to you to read and remember8 ,you had better excused yourself had you pleaded ignorance for your shield4 ,knowing what you do1 are you not ashamed to see that your grey hairs have brought no change in you8 ,petrarch4 ,i am ashamed1 ,i regret it1 ,i repent of it1 but as for doing more1 ,i cannot4 ,moreover1 you know ,i have this much of consolation1 that she too is growing old with me4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the very word of ,julia1 ,csar ,augustus' daughter6 ,doubtless it has lain fixed in your mind1 has it not8 ,when her father found fault because she would not have older people round her1 as did ,livia1 she parried the paternal reproof by the neat rejoinder--,they will be older as soon as ,i am4#ej ,but pray1 tell me1 do you suppose that at your age it will be more becoming to doat upon an old woman than to love a young one8 ,on the contrary1 it is the more unbecoming1 as the reason for loving is less4 ,well may you take shame to yourself never to grow any wiser though you see your body daily growing older4 ,that is all ,i can say on the subject of shame4 ,but1 as ,cicero tells us1 it is but a poor thing to make shame do the work of reason2 and so to reason1 the true source of all remedies1 let us now turn for help4 ,you will assuredly find it through using deep ,reflection--the third of the things that turn the soul away from love4 ,remember what you are now called to is that citadel wherein alone you can be quite safe against the incursions of passion and by which alone you will deserve the name of ,man4 ,consider1 then1 first how noble a thing is the soul1 and that so great is it that were ,i to discourse as ,i should wish1 ,i must needs make a whole book thereon4 ,consider1 again1 the frailty and vileness of the body1 which would demand no less full treatment than the other4 ,think also of the shortness of our life1 concerning which many great men have left their books4 ,think of the flight of time1 that no one yet has been able to express in words4 ,think of ,death1 the fact so certain1 the hour so uncertain1 but everywhere and at all times imminent4 ,think how men are deceived just in this one point1 that they believe they can put off what in fact never can be put off3 for no one is really such a fool as1 supposing the question is asked him1 not to answer that of course some day he will die4 ,and so let not the hope of longer life mock you1 as it mocks so many others1 but rather lay up in your heart the verse that seems as it were an oracle of heaven-- ,count every day that dawns to be your last1#ea ,for is it not so that to mortal men every day is in truth the last1 or all but the last8 ,consider1 moreover1 how shameful it is to have men point the finger at you1 and to become a public laughing-stock2 remember1 too1 how ill your profession accords with a life like this4 ,think how this woman has injured your soul1 your body1 your fortune4 ,remember what you have borne for her1 all to no purpose3 how many times you have been mocked1 despised1 scorned2 think what flatteries1 what lamentations1 and of all the tears you have cast upon the wind2 think how again and again she has heaped all this on you with an air of haughty disdain1 and how if for a moment she showed herself more kind1 it was but for the passing of a breath and then was gone4 ,think1 moreover1 how much you have added to her fame1 and of what she has subtracted from your life3 how you have ever been jealous for her good name1 but she has been always regardless of your very self and condition4 ,remember how she has turned you aside from loving ,god1 and into how great miseries you have fallen1 known to me1 but which ,i pass in silence lest the birds of the air carry the matter abroad4 ,think1 moreover1 what tasks on all sides are claiming your attention1 and by which you may do far more good and deserve far more honour3 how many things you have on hand1 as yet uncompleted1 to which it would be far better for you to return1 and devote more time1 instead of attempting them so perfunctorily as you have en doing lately4 ,finally1 ponder well what that thing is for which you have such consuming desire4 ,but think like a man and with your wits about you2 for fear lest while you are in the act of flying you be cunningly entangled1 as not a few have been when ,beauty's fascinating charm steals upon them by some little1 unlooked-for channel1 and then is fed and strengthened by evil remedies4 ,for how be there that have once tasted this seductive pleasure and can retain enough manliness1 not to say courage1 to rate at its true value that poor form of woman of which ,i speak4 ,only too easily ,man's strength of mind gives way1 and with nature pressing on1 he falls soonest on that side to which he has long leaned4 ,take most earnest heed that this happen not to you4 ,banish every recollection of those old cares of yours3 put far away from you every vision of the past1 and1 as one has said in a certain place1 dash the little children against the stones1#eb lest if they grow up you yourself be cast into the mire4 ,and defer not to knock at ,heaven's door with prayers2 let your supplications weary the ears of the heavenly ,king2 day and night lift up your petition with tears and crying1 if perchance the ,almighty will take compassion upon you and give an end to your sore trouble and distress4 ,these are the things that you must do1 these the safeguards you must employ2 if you will observe them faithfully the ,divine ,help will be at hand1 as ,i trust2 and the right hand of the ,deliverer whom none can resist will succour you4 ,but albeit ,i have spoken on this one malady what is too short for your needs but too long for the briefness of our time1 let us pass now to another matter4 ,one evil still is left1 to heal you of which ,i now will make a last endeavour4 ,petrarch4 ,even so do1 most gentle ,father4 ,for though ,i be not yet wholly set free from my burdens1 yet1 nevertheless1 from great part of them ,i do feel in truth a blessed release4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,ambition still has too much hold on you4 ,you seek too eagerly the praise of men1 and to leave behind you an undying name4 ,petrarch4 ,i freely confess it4 ,i cannot beat down that passion in my soul4 ,for it1 as yet1 ,i have found no cure4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but ,i greatly fear lest this pursuit of a false immortality of fame may shut for you the way that leads to the true immortality of life4 ,petrarch4 ,that is one of my fears also1 but ,i await your discovering to me the means to save my life2 you1 of a truth1 will do it1 who have furnished me with means for the healing of evils greater still4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,think not that any of your ills is greater than this one1 though ,i deny not that some may be more vile4 ,but tell me1 ,i pray you1 what in your opinion is this thing called glory1 that you so ardently covet8 ,petrarch4 ,i know not if you ask me for a definition4 ,but if so1 who so capable to give one as yourself8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,the name of glory is well enough known to you2 but to the real thing1 if one may judge by your actions1 you are a stranger4 ,if you had known what it is you would not long for it so eagerly4 ,suppose you define glory1 with ,cicero1 as being the illustrious and world-wide renown of good services rendered to one's fellow citizens1 to one's country1 or to all mankind2 or as he expresses it elsewhere1 ,public opinion uttering its voice about a man in words of praise4#ec ,you will notice that in both these cases glory is said to be reputation4 ,now1 do you know what this reputation is8 ,petrarch4 ,i cannot say any good description of it occurs to me at the moment2 and ,i shrink from putting forward things ,i do not understand4 ,i think1 therefore1 the truer and better course is for me to keep silence4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you act like a wise and modest man4 ,in every serious question1 and especially when the matter is ambiguous1 one should pay much less attention to what one will say than to what one will not say1 for the credit of having said well is something much less than the discredit of having said ill4 ,now ,i submit to you that reputation is nothing but talk about some one1 passing from mouth to mouth of many people4 ,petrarch4 ,i think your definition1 or1 if you prefer the word1 your description1 is a good one4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is1 then1 but a breath1 a changing wind2 and1 what will disgust you more1 it is the breath of a crowd4 ,i know to whom ,i am speaking4 ,i have observed that no man more than you abhors the manners and behaviour of the common herd4 ,now see what perversity is this6 ,you let yourself be charmed with the applause of those whose conduct you abominate2 and may ,heaven grant you are only charmed1 and that you put not in their power your own everlasting welfare6 ,why and wherefore1 ,i ask1 this perpetual toil1 these ceaseless vigils1 and this intense application to study8 ,you will answer1 perhaps1 that you seek to find out what is profitable for life4 ,but you have long since learned what is needful for life and for death4 ,what was now required of you was to try and put in practice what you know1 instead of plunging deeper and deeper into laborious inquiries1 where new problems are always meeting you1 and insoluble mysteries1 in which you never reach the end4 ,add to which the fact that you keep toiling and toiling to satisfy the public2 wearying yourself to please the very people who1 to you1 are the most displeasing2 gathering now a flower of poesy1 now of history--in a word1 employing all your genius of words to tickle the ears of the listening throng4 ,petrarch4 ,i beg your pardon1 but ,i cannot let that pass without saying a word4 ,never since ,i was a boy have ,i pleased myself with elegant extracts and flowerets of literature4 ,for often have ,i noted what neat and excellent things ,cicero has uttered against butchers of books1 and especially1 also1 the phrase of ,seneca in which he declares1 ,it is a disgrace for a man to keep hunting for flowers and prop himself up on familiar quotations1 and only stand on what he knows by heart4#ed ,s4 ,augustine4 ,in saying what ,i did1 ,i neither accuse you of idleness nor scant memory4 ,what ,i blame you for is that in your reading you have picked out the more flowery passages for the amusement of your cronies1 and1 as it were1 packed up boxes of pretty things out of a great heap1 for the benefit of your friends--which is nothing but pandering to a desire of vainglory2 and1 moreover1 ,i say that1 not being contented with your duty of every day 7which1 in spite of great expense of time1 only promised you some celebrity among your contemporaries71 you have let your thoughts run on ages of time and given yourself up to dreams of fame among those who come after4 ,and in pursuit of this end1 putting your hand to yet greater tasks1 you entered on writing a history from the time of ,king ,romulus to that of the ,emperor ,titus1 an enormous undertaking that would swallow up an immensity of time and labour4 ,then1 without waiting till this was finished1 goaded by the pricks of your ambition for glory1 you sailed off in your poetical barque towards ,africa2 and now on the aforesaid books of your ,africa you are hard at work1 without relinquishing the other4 ,and in this way you devote your whole life to those two absorbing occupations--for ,i will not stop to mention the countless others that come in also--and throw utterly away what is of most concern and which1 when lost1 cannot be recovered4 ,you write books on others1 but yourself you quite forget4 ,and who knows but what1 before either of your works be finished1 ,death may snatch the pen from your tired hand1 and while in your insatiable hunt for glory you hurry on first by one path1 then the other1 you may find at last that by neither of them have you reached your goal8 ,petrarch4 ,fears of that kind have sometimes come over me1 ,i confess4 ,and knowing ,i suffered from grave illness1 ,i was afraid death might not be far off4 ,nothing then was more bitter to me than the thought of leaving my ,africa half finished4 ,unwilling that another hand should put the finishing touch1 ,i had determined that with my own ,i would cast it to the flames1 for there was none of my friends whom ,i could trust to do me this service after ,i was gone4 ,i knew that a request like that was the only one of our ,virgil's which the ,emperor ,csar ,augustus declined to grant4 ,to make a long story short1 this land of ,africa1 burnt already by that fierce sun to which it is for ever exposed1 already three times by the ,roman torches devastated far and wide1 had all but yet again1 by my hands1 been made a prey to the flames4 ,but of that we will say no more now1 for too painful are the recollections that it brings4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,what you have said confirms my opinion4 ,the day of reckoning is put off for a short time1 but the account remains still to be paid4 ,and what can be more foolish than thus to waste such enormous labour over a thing of uncertain issue8 ,i know what prevents you abandoning the work is simply that you still hope you may complete it4 ,as ,i see that there will be some difficulty 7unless ,i am mistaken7 in getting you to diminish this hope1 ,i propose we try to magnify it and so set it out in words that you will see how disproportionate it is to toils like yours4 ,suppose1 therefore1 that you have full abundance of time1 leisure1 and freedom of mind2 let there be no failure of intellect1 no languor of body1 none of those mischances of fortune which1 by checking the first onrush of expression1 so often stop the ready writer's pen2 let all things go better even than you had dared to wish--still1 what considerable work do you expect to achieve8 ,petrarch4 ,oh1 certainly1 one of great excellence1 quite out of the common and likely to attract attention4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have no wish to seem contradictory3 let us suppose it may be a work of great excellence4 ,but if you knew of what greater excellence still is the work which this will hinder1 you would abhor what you now desire4 ,for ,i will go so far as to assert that this work of yours is1 to begin with1 taking off your attention from cares of a nobler kind2 and1 greatly excellent as you think it1 has no wide scope nor long future before it1 circumscribed as it must be by time and space4 ,petrarch4 ,well do ,i know that old story bandied about by the philosophers1 how they declare that all the earth is but a tiny point1 how the soul alone endures for infinite millions of years1 how fame cannot fill either the earth or the soul1 and other paltry pleas of this sort1 by which they try to turn minds aside from the love of glory4 ,but ,i beg you will produce some more solid arguments than these1 if you know any2 for experience has shown me that all this is more specious than convincing4 ,i do not think to become as ,god1 or to inhabit eternity1 or embrace1 heaven and earth4 ,such glory as belongs to man is enough for me4 ,that is all ,i sigh after4 ,mortal myself1 it is but mortal blessings ,i desire4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,oh1 if that is what you truly mean1 how wretched are you6 ,if you have no desire for things immortal1 if no regard for what is eternal1 then you are indeed wholly of the earth earthy3 then all is over for you2 no hope at all is left4 ,petrarch4 ,heaven defend me from such folly6 ,but my conscience is witness1 and knows what have been my desires1 that never have ,i ceased to love with burning zeal the things eternal4 ,i said--or if1 perchance1 ,i am mistaken1 ,i intended to say--that my wish was to use mortal things for what they were worth1 to do no violence to nature by bringing to its good things a limitless and immoderate desire1 and so to follow after human fame as knowing that both myself and it will perish4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,there you speak as a wise man4 ,but when you declare you are willing to rob yourself of the riches that will endure merely for the sake of what you own is a perishing breath of applause--then you are a fool indeed4 ,petrarch4 ,true1 ,i may be postponing those riches1 but not relinquishing them altogether4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,but how dangerous is such delay1 remembering that time flies fast and how uncertain our short life is4 ,let me ask you a question1 and ,i beg you to answer it4 ,suppose that ,he who alone can fix our time of life and death were this day to assign you one whole year1 and you had the definite certainty of how would you propose to use that year8 ,petrarch4 ,assuredly ,i should use great economy of time1 and be extremely1 careful to employ it on serious things2 and ,i suppose no man alive would be so insolent or foolish as to answer your question in any other way4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you have answered rightly4 ,and yet the folly men display in this case is matter of astonishment1 not to me only but to all those who have ever written on this subject4 ,to set forth what they feel1 they have combined every faculty they possess and employed all their eloquence1 and even then the truth itself will leave their utmost efforts far behind4 ,petrarch4 ,i fear ,i do not understand the motive of so great astonishment4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,it is because you are covetous of uncertain riches and altogether wasteful of those which are eternal1 doing the very contrary of what you ought to do1 if you were not quite devoid of wisdom4 ,so this space of a year1 though short enough indeed1 being promised you by ,him who deceives not1 neither is deceived1 you would partition out and dissipate on any kind of folly1 provided you could keep the last hour for the care of your salvation6 ,the horrible and hateful madness of you all is just this1 that you waste your time on ridiculous vanities1 as if there were enough and to spare1 and though you do not in the least know if what you have will be long enough for the supreme necessities of the soul in face of death4 ,the man who has one year of life possesses something certain though short2 whereas he who has no such promise and lies under the power of death 7whose stroke may fall at any moment71 which is the common lot of all men--this man1 ,i say1 is not sure of a year1 a day2 no1 not even of one hour4 ,he who has a year to live1 if six months shall have slipped away1 will still have another half-year left to run2 but for you1 if you lose the day that now is1 who will promise you to-morrow8#ee ,it is ,cicero who says3 ,it is certain that we must die3 what is uncertain is whether it will be to-day2 and there is none so young that-he can be sure he will live until the evening4#ef ,i ask1 then1 of you1 and ,i ask it likewise of all those who stand gaping after the future and pay no heed to the present1 ,who knows if the high gods will add even one morrow to this your little day of life8#eg ,petrarch4 ,if ,i am to answer for myself and for all3 ,no one knows1 of a truth4 ,but let us hope for a year at least2 on which1 if we are still to follow ,cicero1 even the most aged reckons6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,yes2 and1 as he also adds1 not old men only but young ones too are fools in that they cherish false hope1 and promise themselves uncertain goods as though they were certain4#eh ,but let us take for granted 7what is quite impossible7 that the duration of life will be long and assured3 still1 do you not find it is the height of madness to squander the best years and the best parts of your existence on pleading only the eyes of others and tickling other men's ears1 and to keep the last and worst--the years that are almost good for nothing--that bring nothing but distaste for life and then its end--to keep these1 ,i say1 for ,god and yourself1 as though the welfare of your soul were the last thing you cared for8 ,even supposing the time were certain1 is it not reversing the true order to put off the best to the last8 ,petrarch4 ,i do not think my way of looking at it is so unreasonable as you imagine4 ,my principle in that1 as concerning the glory which we may hope for here below1 it is right for us to seek while we are here below4 ,one may expect to enjoy that other more radiant glory in heaven1 when we shall have there arrived1 and when one will have no more care or wish for the glory of earth4 ,therefore1 as ,i think1 it is in the true order that mortal men should first care for mortal things2 and that to things transitory things eternal should succeed2 because to pass from those to these is to go forward in most certain accordance with what is ordained for us1 although no way is open for us to pass back again from eternity to time4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,o man1 little in yourself1 and of little wisdom6 ,do you1 then1 dream that you shall enjoy every pleasure in heaven and earth1 and everything will turn out fortunate and prosperous for you always and everywhere8 ,but that delusion has betrayed thousands of men thousands of times1 and has sunk into hell a countless host of souls4 ,thinking to have one foot on earth and one in heaven1 they could neither stand here below nor mount on high4 ,therefore they fell miserably1 and the moving breeze swept them suddenly away1 some in the flower of their age1 and some when they were in midst of their years and all their business4 ,and do you suppose what has befallen so many others may not befall you8 ,alas6 if 7which may ,god forefend67 in the midst of all your plans and projects you should be cut off--what grief1 what shame1 what remorse 7then too late67 that you should have grasped at all and lost all6 ,petrarch4 ,may the ,most ,high in ,his mercy save me from that misery6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,though ,divine ,mercy may deliver a man from his folly1 yet it will not excuse it4 ,presume not upon this mercy overmuch4 ,for if ,god abhors those who lose hope1 ,he also laughs at those who in false hope put their trust4 ,i was sorry when ,i heard fall from your lips that phrase about despising what you called the old story of the philosophers on this matter4 ,is it1 then1 an old story1 pray1 by figures of geometry1 to show how small is all the earth1 and to prove it but an island of little length and width8 ,is it an old story to divide the earth into five zones1 the largest of which1 lying in the centre1 is burned by the heat of the sun1 and the two utmost1 to right and left1 are a prey to binding frost and eternal snow1 which leave not a corner where man can dwell2 but those other two1 between the middle and two utmost zones1 are inhabited by man8 ,is it an old story that this habitable part is divided again into two parts1 whereof one is placed under your feet1 guarded by a vast sea1 and the other is left you to inhabit everywhere1 or1 according to some authorities1 is again in two parts subdivided1 with but one part habitable and the other surrounded by the winding intricacies of the ,northern ,ocean1 preventing all access to it8 ,as to that part under your feet1 called the antipodes1 you are aware that for a long time the most learned men have been of two opinions whether it is inhabited or not3 for myself1 ,i have set forth my opinion in the book called ,the ,city of ,god1 which you have doubtless read4 ,is it also an old story that your habitable part1 already so restricted1 is yet further diminished to such an extent by seas1 marshes1 forests1 sand and deserts1 that the little corner left you1 of which you are so proud1 is brought down to almost nothing8 ,and1 finally1 is it an old story to point out to you that on this narrow strip1 where you dwell1 there are divers kinds of life1 different religions which oppose one another1 different languages and customs1 which render it impossible to make the fame of your name go far8 ,but if these things are to you nought but fables1 so1 to me1 all ,i had promised myself of your future greatness must be a fable also2 for ,i had thought1 hitherto1 that no man had more knowledge of these things than you yourself ,to say nothing of the conceptions of ,cicero and ,virgil and other systems of knowledge1 physical or poetic1 of which you seemed to have a competent knowledge1 ,i knew that not long since1 in your ,africa1 you had expressed the very same opinions in these pretty lines-- ,the ,universe itself is but an isle ,confined in narrow bounds1 small1 and begirt ,by ,ocean's flowing waves4#ei ,you have added other developments later on1 and now that ,i know you think them all fables1 ,i am astonished you have put them forth with such hardihood4 ,what shall ,i say now of the brief existence of human fame1 the short1 short span of time1 when you know too well how small and recent even the oldest memory of man is if compared to eternity8 ,i spare to call to your mind those opinions of the men of old1 laid up in ,plato's ,timus and in the sixth book of ,cicero's ,republic1 where it is foretold what floods and conflagrations shall be coming not seldom on the earth4 ,to many men such things have seemed probable2 but they wear a different aspect to those who1 like yourself1 have come to know the true religion4 ,and besides these1 how many other things there are that militate against1 ,i do not say the eternity1 but even the survival of one's name4 ,first there is the death of those with whom one has passed one's life2 and that forgetfulness which is the common bane of old age3 then there is the rising fame1 ever growing greater1 of new men2 which always1 by its freshness1 is somewhat derogatory to that of those who went before1 and seems to mount up higher just in so far as it can depress this other down4 ,then you must add1 also1 that persistent envy which ever dogs the steps of those who embark on any glorious enterprise2 and the hatred of ,truth itself1 and the fact that the very life of men of genius is odious to the crowd4 ,think1 too1 how fickle is the judgment of the multitude4 ,and alas for the sepulchres of the dead6 to shatter which-- ,the wild fig's barren branch is strong enough1#fj as ,juvenal has told us4 ,in your own ,africa you call this1 elegantly enough1 a second death2 and if ,i may here address to you the same words you have put in the mouth of another-- ,the animated bust and storied urn ,shall fall1 and with them fall thy memory1 ,and thou1 my son1 thus taste a second death4#fa ,lo1 then1 how excellent1 how undying that glory must be which the fall of one poor stone can bring to nought6 ,and1 then1 consider the perishing of books wherein your name has been written1 either by your own hand or another's4 ,even though that perishing may appear so much more delayed as books outlast monuments1 nevertheless it is sooner or later inevitable2 for1 as is the case with everything else1 there are countless natural or fortuitous calamities to which books are ever exposed4 ,and even if they escape all these1 they1 like us1 grow old and die-- ,for whatsoever mortal hand has made1 ,with its vain labour1 shall be mortal too1#fb if one may be allowed1 for choice1 to refute your childish error by your own words4 ,what need to say more8 ,i shall never cease to bring to your recollection lines of your own making which only too truly fit the case4 ,when your books perish you shall perish too2 ,this is the third death1 still to be endured4#fc ,and now you know what ,i think about glory4 ,perhaps ,i have used more words in expressing it than was needful for you or me2 and yet fewer1 ,i believe1 than the importance of the subject demands--unless perchance you still think all these things only an old story8 ,petrarch4 ,no indeed4 ,what you have been saying--so far from seeming to me like old stories--has stirred in me a new desire to get rid of my old delusions4 ,for albeit that these things were known to me long ago1 and that ,i have heard them oftentimes repeated1 since1 as ,terence puts it-- ,everything that one can say ,has all been said before1#fd nevertheless the stateliness of phrase1 the orderly narration1 the authority of him who speaks1 cannot but move me deeply4 ,but ,i have yet a last request to make1 which is that you will give me your definite judgment on this point4 ,is it your wish that ,i should put all my studies on one side and renounce every ambition1 or would you advise some middle course8 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i will never advise you to live without ambition2 but ,i would always urge you to put virtue before glory4 ,you know that glory is in a sense the shadow of virtue4 ,and therefore1 just as it is impossible that your body should not cast a shadow if the sun is shining1 so it is impossible also in the light of ,god ,himself that virtues should exist and not make their glory to appear4 ,whoever1 then1 would take true glory away must of necessity take away virtue also2 and when that is gone man's life is left bare1 and only resembles that of the brute beasts that follow headlong their appetite1 which to them is their only law4 ,here1 therefore1 is the rule for you to live by--follow after virtue and let glory take care of itself2 and as for this1 as some one said of ,cato1 the less you seek it the more you will find it4 ,i must once more allow myself to invoke your own witness-- ,thou shalt do well from ,honour's self to flee1 ,for then shell ,honour follow after thee4#fe ,do you not recognise the verse8 ,it is your own4 ,one would surely think that man a fool who at midday should run here and there in the blaze of the sun1 wearing himself out to see his shadow and point it out to others2 now the man shows no more sense or reason who1 amid the anxieties of life1 takes huge trouble1 first one way1 then another1 to spread his own glory abroad4 ,what then8 ,let a man march steadily to the goal set before him1 his shadow will follow him step by step3 let him so act that he shall make virtue his prize1 and lo6 glory also shall be found at his side4 ,i speak of that glory which is virtue's true companion2 as for that which comes by other means1 whether from bodily grace or mere cleverness1 in the countless ways men have invented1 it does not seem to me worthy of the name4 ,and so1 in regard to yourself1 while you are wearing your strength out by such great labours in writing books1 if you will allow me to say so1 you are shooting wide of the mark4 ,for you are spending all your efforts on things that concern others1 and neglecting those that are your own2 and so1 through this vain hope of glory1 the time1 so precious1 though you know it not1 is passing away4 ,petrarch4 ,what must ,i do1 then8 ,abandon my unfinished works8 ,or would it be better to hasten them on1 and1 if ,god gives me grace1 put the finishing touch to them8 ,if ,i were once rid of these cares ,i would go forward1 with a mind more free1 to greater things2 for hardly could ,i bear the thought of leaving half completed a work so fine and rich in promise of success4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,which foot you mean to hobble on1 ,i do not know4 ,you seem inclined to leave yourself derelict1 rather than your books4 ,as for me1 ,i shall do my duty1 with what success depends on you2 but at least ,i shall have satisfied my conscience4 ,throw to the winds those great loads of histories2 the deeds of the ,romans have been celebrated quite enough by others1 and are known by their own fame4 ,get out of ,africa and leave it to its possessors4 ,you will add nothing to the glory of your ,scipio or to your own4 ,he can be exalted to no higher pinnacle1 but you may bring down his reputation1 and with it your own4 ,therefore leave all this on one side1 and now at length take possession of yourself2 and to come back to our starting-point1 let me urge you to enter upon the meditation of your last end1 which comes on step by step without your being aware4 ,tear off the veil2 disperse the shadows2 look only on that which is coming2 with eyes and mind give all your attention there3 let nought else distract you4 ,heaven1 ,earth1 the ,sea--these all suffer change4 ,what can man1 the frailest of all creatures1 hope for8 ,the seasons fulfil their courses and change2 nothing remains as it was4 ,if you think you shall remain1 you are deceived4 ,for1 ,horace beautifully says-- ,the losses of the changing ,heaven1 ,the changing moons repair2 ,but we1 when we have gone below1 ,and our rich land no longer know1 ,and hear no more its rivers flow1 ,are nought but dust and air4#ff ,therefore1 as often as you watch the fruits of summer follow the flowers of spring1 and the pleasant cool of autumn succeed the summer heat1 and winter's snow come after autumn's vintage1 say to yourself3 ,the seasons pass1 yet they will come again2 but ,i am going1 never again to return4 ,as often as you behold at sunset the shadows of the mountains lengthening on the plain1 say to yourself3 ,now life is sinking fast2 the shadow of death begins to overspread the scene2 yonder sun to-morrow will again be rising the same1 but this day of mine will never come back4 ,who shall count the glories of the midnight sky1 which1 though it be the time that men of evil heart choose for their misdoing1 yet is it to men of good heart the holiest of all times8 ,well1 take care you be not less watchful than that admiral of the ,trojan fleet2#fg for the seas you sail upon are no more safe than his2 rise up at the mid hour of night1 and ,all the stars1 that in the silent sky ,roll on their way1 observe with careful heed4#fh ,as you see them hasten to their setting in the west1 think how you also are moving with them2 and that as for your abiding you have no hope1 saving only in ,him who knows no change and suffers no decline4 ,moreover1 when you meet with those whom you knew but yesterday as children1 and see them now growing up in stature to their manhood1 stage by stage1 remember how you in like manner1 in the same lapse of time1 are going down the hill1 and at greater speed1 by that law in nature under which things that are heavy tend to fall4 ,when your eyes behold some ancient building1 let your first thought be1 ,where are those who wrought it with their hands8 and when you see new ones1 ask1 ,where1 soon1 the builders of them will be also8 ,if you chance to see the trees of some orchard1 remember how often it falls out that one plants it and another plucks the fruit2 for many a time the saying in the ,georgics comes to pass-- ,one plants the tree1 but eh1 the slow-grown shade ,his grandchild will enjoy4#fi ,and when you look with pleased wonder at some swiftly flowing stream1 then1 that ,i bring no other poet's thought1 keep ever in mind this one of your own-- ,no river harries with more rapid flight ,than ,life's swift current4#gj ,neither let multitude of days or the artificial divisions of time deceive your judgment2 for man's whole existence1 let it be never so prolonged1 ,is but as one day1 and that not a day entire4 ,have oftentimes before your eyes one similitude of ,aristotle's1 whom ,i know to be a favourite of yours2 and his words ,i am sure you never read or hear without feeling them deeply4 ,you will find it reported by ,cicero in the ,tusculan ,orations1 and in words possibly even more clear and impressive than the original4 ,here is what he says1 or very nearly so1 for at the moment ,i have not his book at hand3-- ,aristotle tells us that on the banks of the river ,hypanis1 which on one side of ,europe empties itself into the ,euxine ,sea1 there exists a race of little animals who only live one day4 ,any one of them that dies at sunrise dies young2 he that dies at noon is middle-aged2 and should one live till sunset1 he dies in old age3 and especially is this so about the time of the solstice4 ,if you compare the time of man's life with eternity1 it will seem no longer than theirs4#ga ,so far ,i give you ,cicero2 but what he says seems to me so beyond all cavil that now for a long time the saying has passed from the tongue of philosophers into common speech4 ,every day you hear even ignorant and unlearned men1 if they chance to see a little child1 make use of some expression like this--,well1 well1 it's early morning with him yet2 if they see a man they will say1 ,oh1 it's high noon with him now1 or ,he's well in the middle of his day2 if they see one old and broken down they will remark1 ,ah6 he's getting toward evening and the going down of the sun4 ,ponder well on these things1 my very dear son1 and on others akin to them1 which will1 ,i doubt not1 flock into your thoughts1 as these on the spur of the moment have come into mine4 ,and one more thing ,i beseech you to have in mind3 look at the graves of those older1 perhaps1 than you1 but whom nevertheless you have known2 look diligently1 and then rest assured that the same dwelling-place1 the same house1 is for you also made ready4 ,thither are all of us travelling on2 that is our last home4 ,you who now1 perchance1 are proud and think that your springtime has not quite departed1 and are for trampling others underfoot1 you in turn shall underfoot be trampled4 ,think over all this2 consider it by day and by night2 not merely as a man of sober mind and remembering what nature he is of1 but as becomes a man of wisdom1 and so holding it all fast1 as one who remembers it is written ,a wise man's life is all one preparation for death4#gb ,this saying will teach you to think little of what concerns earthly things1 and set before your eyes a better path of life on which to enter4 ,you will be asking me what is that kind of life1 and by what ways you can approach it8 ,and ,i shall reply that now you have no need of long advice or counsel4 ,listen only to that ,holy ,spirit who is ever calling1 and in urgent words saying1 ,here is the way to your native country1 your true home4 ,you know what ,he would bring to mind2 what paths for your feet1 what dangers to avoid4 ,if you would be safe and free obey ,his voice4 ,there is no need for long deliberations4 ,the nature of your danger calls for action1 not words4 ,the enemy is pressing you from behind1 and hastening to the charge in front2 the walls of the citadel1 where you are besieged1 already tremble4 ,there is no time for hesitation4 ,of what use is it to make sweet songs for the ears of others1 if you listen not to them yourself8 ,i must draw to an end4 ,shun the rocks ahead1 at all costs2 drop anchor in a place of safety2 follow the lead which the inspirations of your own soul give you4 ,they may1 on the side of what is evil1 be evil2 but towards that which is good they are themselves of the very best4 ,petrarch4 ,ah6 would that you had told me all this before ,i had surrendered myself over to these studies6 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,i have told you1 many a time and oft4 ,from the moment when ,i saw you first take up your pen1 ,i foresaw how short life would be1 and how uncertain3 how certain1 too1 and how long the toil4 ,i saw the work would be great and the fruit little1 and ,i warned you of all these things4 ,but your ears were filled with the plaudits of the public1 which1 to my astonishment1 took you captive1 although you talked as if you despised them4 ,but as we have now been conferring together long enough1 ,i beg that if any of my counsels have seemed good to you1 you will not allow them to come to nothing for want of energy or recollection2 and if1 on the other hand1 ,i have sometimes been too rough1 ,i pray you take it not amiss4 ,petrarch4 ,indeed ,i owe you a deep debt of gratitude1 as for many other things1 so1 especially1 for this three days' colloquy2 for you have cleansed my darkened sight and scattered the thick clouds of error in which ,i was involved4 ,and how shall ,i express my thankfulness to ,her also1 the ,spirit of ,truth1 who1 unwearied by our much talking1 has waited upon us to the end8 ,had ,she turned away her face from us we should have wandered in darkness3 your discourse had then contained no sure truth1 neither would my understanding have embraced it4 ,and now1 as ,she and you have your dwelling-place in heaven1 and ,i must still abide on earth1 and1 as you see1 am greatly perplexed and troubled1 not knowing for how long this must be1 ,i implore you1 of your goodness1 not to forsake me1 in spite of that great distance which separates me from such as you2 for without you1 ,o best of fathers1 my life would be but one long sadness1 and without ,her ,i could not live at all4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,you may count your prayer already granted1 if you will only to yourself be true3 for how shall any one be constant to him who is inconstant to himself8 ,petrarch4 ,i will be true to myself1 so far as in me lies4 ,i will pull myself together and collect my scattered wits1 and make a great endeavour to possess my soul in patience4 ,but even while we speak1 a crowd of important affairs1 though only of the world1 is waiting my attention4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,for the common herd of men these may be what to them seem more important2 but in reality there is nothing of more importance1 and nothing ought to be esteemed of so much worth4 ,for1 of other trains of thought1 you may reckon them to be not essential for the soul1 but the end of life will prove that these we have been engaged in are of eternal necessity4 ,petrarch4 ,i confess they are so4 ,and ,i now return to attend to those other concerns only in order that1 when they are discharged1 ,i may come back to these4 ,i am not ignorant that1 as you said a few minutes before1 it would be much safer for me to attend only to the care of my soul1 to relinquish altogether every bypath and follow the straight path of the way of salvation4 ,but ,i have not strength to resist that old bent for study altogether4 ,s4 ,augustine4 ,we are falling into our old controversy4 ,want of will you call want of power4 ,well1 so it must be1 if it cannot be otherwise4 ,i pray ,god that ,he will go with you where you go1 and that ,he will order your steps1 even though they wander1 into the way of truth4 ,petrarch4 ,o may it indeed be as you have prayed6 ,may ,god lead me safe and whole out of so many crooked ways2 that ,i may follow the ,voice that calls me2 that ,i may raise up no cloud of dust before my eyes2 and1 with my mind calmed down and at peace1 ,i may hear the world grow still and silent1 and the winds of adversity die away4 ,francis ,petrarch1 ,poet1 ,most illustrious ,orator2 his ,book1 which he entitled ,secretum2 in which a ,three days' ,discussion concerning ,contempt of the ,world is carried on4 ,finis4 #a ,de ,senectute1 xxiii4 #b neid1 vi4 #dbh-bi4 #c ,tarda sit illa dies et nostro serior vo4--,met4 xv4 #hfh4 #d ,this refers to the second ,scipio ,africanus1 and the words alluded to are these3 ,it is his goodness that ,i loved1 and that is not dead2 it lives not alone for me1 who have had it ever before my eyes1 but it will go down in all its beauty to those who come after4 ,whenever a man is meditating some great undertaking1 or shall be nourishing in his breast great hopes1 his shall be the memory1 and his the image that such a man shall take for a pattern4--,cicero1 ,de ,amiciti1 xxvii4 #e neid1 i4 #cbh-bi4 #f ,cicero1 ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ah4 #g ,quoted from ,attilius in ,cicero's ,letters to ,atticus1 xiv4 #h ,ovid1 ,amores1 ,i4 x4 #ac4 #i neid1 vi4 #edj-dc4 #aj neid1 i4 #fac #aa ,seneca1 ,de ,beneficiis1 vii4 #h4 #ab ,terence1 ,phormio1 #idi4 #ac ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ce #ad ,academica4 #ae ,quoted from ,tusculan ,orations1 iii4 #bf4 #af ,simone ,martini1 of ,siena4 #ag ,a river in ,thessaly4 #ah ,a town in ,phocis1 near ,delphi4 #ai ,terence1 ,eunuch1 #ei-fc4 #bj ,terence1 ,eunuch1 #gj-gc4 #ba ,ibid41 #ef4 #bb ,ibid4 #eg1 #eh4 #bc ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ce4 #bd ,de ,remediis ,amoris1 ,i4 #afb4 #be neid1 iii4 #dd4 #bf ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ce4 #bg neid1 iv4 #fi-gc4 #bh ,seneca1 ,epist41 xxviii4 #bi ,horace1 ,epistles1 ,book ,i41 ,epist41 xi4 #bg 7,conington74 #cj ,horace1 ,epist41 ,book ,i41 xi4 #be-bf 7,conington74 #ca ,seneca's ,epist41 lxiv4 #cb neid1 vi4 #abf-bg4 #cc ,georgics1 ii4 #acf-ci4 #cd ,ildebrandino di ,conte1 ,bishop of ,padua1 ,epist4 cxi4 #be4 #ce ,petrarch's ,penitential ,psalms1 iii4 7translated by ,george ,chapman74 #cf ,ovid's ,de ,remediis ,amoris1 #egi-hj4 #cg ,petrarch's ,epistles1 i4 #g4 #ch ,quoted in ,seneca's treatise1 ,de ,anim tranquillitate1 xv4 #ci ,seneca's ,epistles1 ii4 #dj ,tusculan ,orations1 iv4 #ce4 #da ,the text here is obscure4 #db ,suetonius ,domitian1 xviii4 #dc ,virgil1 ,eclogues1 i4 #bi4 #dd neid1 vi4 #fae-af4 #de ,ibid41 ii4 #bfe4 #dg ,seneca1 ,epistles1 iv4 #dh ,petrarch's ,africa1 vii4 #bib4 #di ,seneca1 ,de ,natura ,qustiones1 i4 #ag4 #ej ,macrobius ,saturnalia1 ii #e4 #ea ,horace1 ,epistles1 i #d1 #ac4 #eb ,,ps4 cxxxi4 #i4 #ec ,cicero1 ,pro ,marcello1 viii4 #ed ,seneca1 ,letters4 #ee ,de ,senectute1 xx4 #ef ,ibid41 xix4 #eg ,horace1 ,odes1 iv4 #g1ag4 #eh ,de ,senectute1 xix4 #ei ,africa1 ii4 #cfa1 #cfc4 #fj ,satira1 x4 #ade4 #fa ,africa1 ii4 #dha1 c4 #fb ,africa1 ii4 #dee-f4 #fc ,ibid41 ii4 #dfd-e4 #fd ,terence's ,eunuch1 #da4 #fe ,africa1 ii #dhf4 #ff ,horace1 ,odes1 iv4 #g1 #ac-af4 #fg ,palinurus4 #fh bneid_/b1 iii4 #eae4 #fi ,georgics1 ii4 #eh4 #gj ,petrarch's ,epist41 ,i4 iv4 #ia-b4 #ga ,tusculan ,orations1 i4 #ci4 #gb ,tusculan ,orations1 i4 #cj4