,note3 ,images of the original pages are available through ,internet ,archive4 ,see https3_/_/archive4org_/details_/beadlesd imebooko#jj;bead ,,beadle',s ,,dime ,illustration ,,book ,,of ,,practical ,,etiquette ,,for ,,ladies ,,and ,,gentlemen3 ,being a ,guide to ,true ,gentility and ,good-,breeding1 and a ,complete ,directory to the ,usages and ,observances of ,society4 ,including ,etiquette of the ,ball ,room1 of the ,evening ,party1 the ,dinner-,party1 the ,card and ,chess ,table1 of ,business1 of the ,home ,circle1 c41 c4 ,prepared ,expressly for the ,dime ,series by ,a ,,committee ,,of ,,three4 ,new ,york3 ,irwin ,p4 ,beadle1 ,co41 ,no4 #acg ,william ,street4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahei1 by ,irwin ,p4 ,beadle1 ,in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,united ,states for the ,southern district of ,new ,york4 ,,introduction4 ,,that man is a gentleman6 ,how the heart opens to let him in1 without any further commendation6 ,he may be wise1 and rich1 and remarked for his genius2 but if he be not a true gentleman1 his gifts will not avail to make him a favorite and a desirable companion4 ,that woman is a lady6 ,what matter1 then1 if she is not clad in silks1 or is not beautiful of form or feature8 ,she has the key which unlocks all hearts for her1 for to be a lady1 implies high qualities and gracious gifts of soul4 ,why1 then1 are not all persons gentlemen and ladies8 ,we can not tell1 except it be that some1 and a large class of1 persons look upon politeness as something effeminate1 or as fit only for fops2 and therefore make boors of themselves1 because it is so manly to be coarse and to do just as one pleases4 ,some are actually ignorant of what constitutes true politeness1 and err not from willfulness1 but from want of knowledge4 ,but such persons are readily forgivable1 for1 if their disposition is to be polite1 they will find the way very easy into the confidence of all1 and will learn1 ere long1 what custom and usage has sanctioned as fit and proper regulations for the intercourse of men with men1 women with women1 and all with one another4 ,it is to such persons as those last-named1 that we especially address this little manual4 ,to learn the usages of society is easy1 if one only will learn2 for1 after all1 these usages are not complicated and burdensome1 but grounded upon simplicity itself3 the great law which underlies all1 is the blessed ,golden ,rule3 ,do unto others as ye would that they should do unto you4 ,we propose to give such suggestions1 in the various departments of social experience1 as will advise the reader of the usages sanctioned by eminent authority1 and of the deportment proper and acceptable to well-bred persons2 and flatter ourselves that1 if our advice is followed1 this ,,dime ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette will prove entirely competent to fit its attentive reader to move with credit and self-respect in any circle where a true lady or gentleman always finds ready recognition4 ,,contents ,,introduction1 iii ,,entrance ,,into ,,society3 ,general ,observations--,case of the ,bashful ,young ,man--,enter ,society ,early--,avoid ,forwardness and ,romping--,snobs--,fops--,bores--,the ,secret of ,making ,yourself at ,ease--,good-,nature everything1 #g ,,general ,,observances ,,for ,,visits1 ,,etc43 ,the several ,kinds of ,visits--,styles of ,dress appropriate--,proper ,time to ,call--,make a brief ,stay--,visits to the ,newly-,married--,of ,condolence--,after a ,party--on ,new ,year's day1 etc41 #ac ,,special ,,observances ,,for ,,all ,,occasions3 ,directions for all to ,learn by ,heart1 in ,regard to ,dress1 ,demeanor1 ,conversation1 etc41 etc41 #af ,,the ,,formula ,,of ,,introductions3 ,how to ,introduce--,general ,forms to be ,observed--,when ,introductions are ,proper--,promiscuous ,introductions ,improper1 #bj ,,on ,,dress ,,and ,,ornaments3 ,good ,dress highly ,proper and ,necessary--,the kind of ,garments proper for ,various ,occasions--,jewelry and ,flash ,dressing vulgar--,when ,jewelry is in ,good ,taste--,special advice to ,females upon ,their ,dress--,flowers1 ,jewels1 ,feathers1 ,arrangement of ,hair1 etc41 etc41 #ba ,,on ,,cleanliness ,,and ,,fastidiousness3 ,the ,hands1 ,nails1 ,mouth1 ,teeth1 etc41 etc4--,bathe ,frequently for ,purity of ,complexion--,tobacco and ,smell of ,smoke ,offensive and ,forbidden in the ,house or in the ,presence of ,ladies--,broken garments--,neatness inseparable from ,true ,gentility1 #bd ,,conversation ,,and ,,personal ,,address3 ,the ,various ,talkers--,how to ,talk and ,when--,the kind of ,subjects proper to ,introduce--,pedantry out of ,place--,impropriety of ,personalities--,good ,talking and ,good ,manners always go ,together1 #be ,,writing ,,of ,,letters1 ,,etc43 ,how to ,address1 and kind of ,paper to ,use--,seals1 ,franks1 ,superscriptions1 etc4--,the ,forms generally ,used--,on ,style--,the ,proprieties of ,language--,praise and ,flattery out of ,place--,models not always ,available--,letters to ,friends--,a ,dime ,letter ,writer in ,press1 #bg ,,balls1 ,,evening-,,parties1 ,,receptions1 ,,etc43 ,whole ,etiquette and ,observances of these ,occasions1 with ,special ,remarks to both ,sexes upon ,deportment1 ,proprieties1 etc4--,a ,chapter for all ,young ,persons to ,read1 #ca ,,the ,,card ,,and ,,chess ,,table1 ,,etc43 ,etiquette of ,sociable ,games--,chess and its ,proprieties--,cheerfulness a ,necessary ,companion for all ,players1 #ch ,,entertainments1 ,,dinner-,,parties1 ,,etc43 ,the whole ,etiquette of such ,occasions1 including ,general and ,special ,directions1 #dj ,,etiquette ,,of ,,the ,,street3 ,explicit ,directions for ,behavior on the ,street--,a ,true ,gentleman known by his ,demeanor--,how to ,treat ,ladies1 #dc ,,the ,,politeness ,,of ,,business3 ,how ,proper ,politeness is1 in ,employees and ,employers--,rules which should ,invariably ,mark their ,deportment1 #df ,,advice ,,to ,,the ,,working-,,man3 ,politeness ,essential to all--,boorishness ,intolerable and ,injurious--,the true ,relation between the various ,workers in ,society1 #dg ,,love1 ,,courtship1 ,,and ,,marriage3 ,a ,chapter by an ,eminent ,author--,the ,language of ,true ,love and its ,expression--,the ,true ,relations of the ,sexes--,coquetry and ,flirting a ,mark of ,baseness--,courtship--,its ,modes of ,procedure and its ,proper ,manifestation--,its ,attendant ,responsibilities--,marriage--,the ,solemn ,character of the ,occasion--,its ,forms of ,procedure1 and ,rites of the ,ceremony--,after-,marriage ,customs and ,observances1 #dh ,,respect ,,for ,,religion ,,and ,,old ,,age3 ,remarks ,designed for the ,young of both ,sexes1 and ,advice they will not ,fail to ,profit by1 #ec ,,special ,,word1 ,,for ,,ladies ,,only3 ,the ,necessities of ,particular ,styles of ,dress--,velvets1 ,muslins1 ,complexion1 etc4--,a fair ,face should be ,always in ,smiles1 #ee ,,confidential ,,advice ,,to ,,young ,,men3 ,the ,great1 ,invariable ,law of ,compensations--,the ,true ,principles of ,conduct1 the and grand ,secret of ,success1 #eg ,,cultivate ,a ,,taste ,,for ,,the ,,beautiful3 ,what the ,beautiful is--,its great ,utility in ,modifying our ,tastes and in ,directing our ,habits--,art1 ,music1 ,books1 ,female ,companionship1 all to be ,cultivated ,sedulously1 #ei ,,etiquette ,,of ,,horseback ,,riding3 ,the ,uses of this ,noble ,exercise--,the ,rules of the ,road and the ,proper ,attentions to ,offer--,the ,dress1 etc41 #fb ,,the ,,laws ,,of ,,home ,,etiquette3 ,a ,chapter for ,every ,one to ,read and to ,commit to ,memory--,how ,homes are made ,models of ,happiness and ,comfort--,the ,laws of ,intercourse with ,guests and with ,members of the ,family1 #fd ,,cards ,,of ,,invitation ,,for ,,all ,,occasions3 ,the ,formulas of ,invitations1 ,cards of ,address1 ,calling ,cards1 ,wedding ,cards1 ,letters of ,introduction1 etc41 etc41 #gj ,,beadle',s ,,dime ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette4 ,,entrance ,,into ,,society4 ,,has the moment arrived when you are called upon to cast aside your youthful associations and youthful irresponsibilities to take your place in society as a man or woman8 ,it is a most important moment--one which deserves the consideration of a thoughtful study2 for1 upon a proper knowledge of what belongs to true manhood1 true womanhood1 does much of your after-life success depend4 ,if you are ignorant of the laws of politeness1 of the rules and observances of true sociality1 of the means necessary to render yourself an agreeable companion and a useful member of the social circle1 you begin life at immense disadvantage1 and will never cease to regret that ignorance4 ,it is such an easy matter to become familiar with the usages and proprieties of social life that ignorance is inexcusable2 and when we see men of sense and sagacity behaving1 in an assembly1 at a party1 at the dinner-table1 at the card-table1 like half-tutored savages1--rude1 awkward1 uncivil1 a source of annoyance to their friends1 we feel a degree of indignation rather than of pity1 since it is so easy to learn how to behave1 that there really is no good excuse for boorishness and awkward deportment4 ,to illustrate1 let us narrate the case of our young friend ,falconbridge1 whose entree into society afforded a subject of laughter and comment for weeks after the incidents which he has had the courage to place before us as a warning4 ,he tells his story thus3 ,i pulled the bell with a most nervous twitch2 ,i 'walked in' with fear and misgivings2 in the parlor not only sat ,miss ,jones1 but her two cousins1 the old lady1 a maiden aunt1 and some four or five of the junior branches of the ,jones family4 ,i got through1 though it was fearful work4 ,i set my hat on the center-table1 and it fell off2 ,i picked it up1 and in doing so1 hit my nose against a pile of gilt-edged literature1 and down it came pell-mell2 but the children came to my rescue1 and ,i finally found myself armed by a lady each side--the cousins6 ,imagine my feelings--,miss ,j4 going in advance1 en route1 down the avenue to the portly residence of ,misses ,degrands4 ,we entered the vestibule2 ,i had not spoken a word all the way2 the two pretty cousins and ,miss ,j4 doing a heap of conversation4 ,in the hall the old negro servant made a grab at my hat1 but ,i held on1 and in triumph carried it into the parlor1 where1 in the midst of introductions1 flaring of lamps1 and waving and fluttering of silks and cashmeres1 bowing1 scraping1 fuss and feathers1 to all of which ,i was more or less deaf and blind1 down upon a piano-stool in the corner ,i dropped my hat4 ,the two cousins froze to me1 introduced me2 ,i bowed2 one of the ,miss ,degrands came forward2 ,i was introduced1 and as she1 in the tip of fashion1 made her perfectly grand theatrical bow to me1 grabbed her by the hand in the most democratic manner imaginable1 and shook it most heartily4 ,she not only blushed1 but1 by her eyes1 ,i saw that she was likewise mad as a hornet4 ,her sister and her had a word1 and then her sister avoided me4 ,things grew no better fast2 from one bungle ,i got into another4 ,in whist ,i was ignorant and awkward2 in a hop waltz with one of the cousins1 ,i trod on her toes1 until she screamed2 and1 in trying to mend the matter1 ,i stepped on the flounces of ,miss ,degrand's dress and tore off five yards at least4 ,in despair1 ,i backed down1 saw a seat1 rushed to it1 and down ,i sat upon my hat6 ,in confusion ,i arose1 snatched up the pancake-looking affair1 which ,i frenziedly held up to public gaze4 ,there was a roar of laughter--in which ,i did not join1 ,i assure you2 ,i gave a rush forward1 hit the corner of the table1 tilted over the astral lamp6--such a crash6--,i kept on1 ,i made for the door which just then old ,degrand was entering avant courier of his old negro man1 who bore a large tray well filled with wine in glasses4 ,i struck the old gentleman so forcibly that he fell upon ,pompey1 glasses1 and wine2 and1 on my mad career1 ,i proceeded4 ,going out the wrong end of the hall1 ,i found myself in a dark dining-room2 but1 jerking open the first door in advance1 ,i went out into a hall1 thence to an anteroom2 groping in the dark1 ,i struck my forehead against a half-open door1 saw bushels of stars1 and--fell senseless6 ,how or when ,i got home1 the ,lord only knows2 but1 for one week1 ,i had a head too big for my hat1 and a pair of terrifically black eyes4 ,as soon as able to travel1 ,i left that 'settlement' never to return4 ,now this is no overwrought scene1 but one which could easily have happened to any bashful1 awkward1 disconcerted young person4 ,the great error he made was in not going into society perfectly self-possessed1 from having a right knowledge of what was proper in company4 ,in the first place1 he had waited too long before entering into society1 and1 secondly1 he had not informed himself at all upon the most common proprieties of the parlor4 ,what else could have been expected than discomfiture and disgrace8 ,as a rule1 then1 let us recommend all young persons to enter into social intercourse ere they become of age4 ,it is a most admirable experience to meet in friendly chat with a friend or two--to spend an evening with an intelligent lady1 and to learn by degrees the confidence and reliance which will serve to carry you bravely through the evening at the brilliant rooms of fashion and gay company4 ,it will be found1 by both sexes1 that timidity wears off rapidly by simple social converse2 and the young man or woman who proposes to become a gentleman or lady should not fail to embrace every opportunity for meeting with well-mannered and intelligent friends--to spend an evening with them--to read1 talk1 walk1 ride with them--to go out to concerts1 to the theater1 to the pic-nic1 excursion1 church1 or evening party4 ,timidity is not a sin--it is merely a fault which will soon wear away1 and a proper self-possession will take its place1 if the novice in society will use all necessary means to overcome the feeling which takes fright at a smile1 and is disconcerted by a frown4 ,in seeking to overcome bashfulness1 let there be a careful study to avoid the very common extreme of forwardness4 ,this is the more unbearable because it is a sin of commission1 while bashfulness is a sin of omission4 ,to be forward1 rude1 intrusive1 argues a sad want of good breeding which no leniency will overlook4 ,in a female this rudeness is absolutely unbearable1 because it so outrages all ideas of feminine graces and virtues--it makes us think the person coarse1 and this very feeling divests us of the respect1 the reverence which should always be felt for the gentle sex4 ,we say earnestly to those young girls who bandy words with provoking young men1 who always romp when they are abroad1 and win the name of being independent1 that you very much injure yourself in the estimation of all well-mannered persons1 and do your character the injustice of having it considered un-feminine4 ,be gay1 be cheerful1 be the spirit of every company1 but at the same time preserve the delicacy1 the refinement1 the grace1 which are the surest virtues for conquering admiration1 for winning love4 ,snobs are always impudent1 and generally are ignorant persons4 ,they are rude as the monkey is rude1 because they really do not know what constitutes good breeding4 ,their tailor literally makes the man--their whole mind is given to the tie of their cravat1 and their boots absorb much of their hardest efforts at philosophy4 ,they are simply nuisances--a blot on the fair name of man2 and should be regarded as an extensive species of ape4 ,fops are not always snobs4 ,a person may be very vain of dress1 and make a silly display of dry goods and jewelry1 and still be very genteel and perfectly polished in manners4 ,the love of show is a strong passion in a larger class of persons than is generally supposed1 for many who do not wear the latest styles still have peculiarities of dress or ornament which are the result of as great a degree of vanity as besets the more gaudily dressed4 ,it is a weakness to be vain of dress1 for it places a virtue in goods which does not belong to it--it elevates a perishable and purchasable commodity above the truer and nobler attributes of mind4 ,bores are a large class1 and number such a variety of species as to baffle definition4 ,let it suffice for us to say1 a man or woman is a bore when they are intruders1 either upon persons' time or company4 ,to know when to leave1 when to cease conversation1 when to offer attentions1 to solicit favors1 is to know how to behave well2 and no person will err who is educated in gentility1 or whose apprehension of what is right is not befogged by charming illusions4 ,one of the worst bores we ever met was a female1 who acted as a kind of purveyor-general to the community for every charity which called for an active benevolence4 ,this lady would come into our study at any moment1 would force us into hearing which we did not wish to hear1 and into giving what we did not conscientiously think it right to give--so great was her faculty for talking things into a person4 ,she and her friends thought her a very valuable woman2 we then thought her to be1 and now know her to have been1 a most unmitigated bore of the benevolent school4 ,we have here described these several enemies of good breeding1 because we do not wish to recur to them again3 let us here beg of our readers to make such application of the suggestions as will prevent any of them from becoming either snobs1 fops1 or bores4 ,once in the presence of company1 large or small1 forget yourself so far as to become one of the number--lose yourself1 your hands1 and feet1 and eyes1 in the feeling of non-individualism1 without which there really can be no real enjoyment4 ,what is called abandon is a sense of non-individuality--a forgetfulness of self so far as to enter keenly into the spirit of the time and occasion4 ,give yourself no particular anxiety about your person1 your demeanor1 your words and ways3 you can1 if not perfectly at home1 have a care to demean yourself well and creditably2 but do not be anxious about it1 for anxiety breeds a disquiet which is fatal to enjoyment and to a good impression upon others4 ,good-nature is every thing in society1 as in business--it overcomes many a mountain of difficulty1 and achieves a success where no sternness or anxious solicitude would avail4 ,in regard to the formulas of introductions1 cards of invitation1 etc41 too much stress is laid by writers upon etiquette1 who leave the impression that there is a whole chapter of ,greek verbs to learn before the debutant in society can become familiar with necessary forms4 ,there is little1 indeed1 to cause alarm1 the forms being just what any person's common-sense would dictate as being proper4 ,we will give1 in the chapter succeeding1 such general observances and formulas for introductions1 etc41 as seem necessary to post our readers upon the subject4 ,,general ,,observances1 ,,introductions1 ,,etc4 ,among the gentilities of life1 visits hold a first place1 and deserve attention4 ,their various occasion1 their different character and purpose1 their meaning are multiple1 and have1 therefore1 some forms necessary to be preserved4 ,we may remark that visits are classified as follows1 viz43 visits of mere form and policy2 visits of real friendship2 visits of congratulation and of condolence2 visits to give out invitations for dinner1 or a dance1 or an evening party2 visits of state1 where the party called upon is a lion1 an eminent person1 etc41 etc4 ,the general style of dress to be adopted upon all these occasions1 is one of studied neatness rather than of display or of elegance4 ,display upon such occasions is really vulgar--it should be reserved for the gay and brilliant soiree or evening company1 if it is made at all4 ,the time for the visit is after twelve o'clock1 noon2 before that hour the lady of the house is supposed to be busy at her household duties1 and in getting the rooms in order for the day3 never make a call before that hour4 ,occupy but a brief time in your call1 for you know not how much the lady of the house may have to do1 nor where she may wish to go1 hence it is best always to make your call brief4 ,if strongly urged to remain longer1 it would be impolite to go in haste2 but1 as a general thing1 let fifteen or twenty minutes be the time spent in the visit4 ,you will not then be voted a bore1 but1 on the other hand1 will be considered a pleasant caller--particularly if you have made yourself agreeable4 ,should another person be announced or enter on a visit before your own visit is finished1 it is but proper for you immediately to retire1 unless you may be intimate with both the host and the new-comer1 and are invited to remain4 ,otherwise be not precipitate to leave1 but politely withdraw1 for you do not know what confidences there may be to be talked over4 ,visits of congratulation upon occasion of marriage1 or safe return from a journey1 or long absence1 or escape from calamity1 should be at as early a moment as the party seems ready for such visits2 and should be always made when you entertain a regard for the person interested4 ,it is now the practice for newly-married people to send out their cards to those of their old friends with whom they wish to renew acquaintance in their new relationships2 and it is a sign that you do not wish to renew the acquaintance if you fail to respond to the card by calling4 ,if you fail to call1 the parties can not consistently recognize you afterward1 except you have some good and sufficient apology to offer for your absence from their reception-rooms4 ,visits of condolence are too much neglected in this fast country of ours4 ,in ,europe the custom of calling upon those who have suffered a loss by death is quite general4 ,the call1 of course1 should be brief1 and the words offered of the kindest and most considerate character4 ,it will greatly relieve the pangs of sorrow for the living to feel that others are solicitous for their welfare4 ,after you have attended a party1 soiree1 or sociable1 it is proper to call upon your host within a fortnight1 to make inquiries after his or her health1 and to remark upon the pleasure you experienced on the occasion of the party4 ,this is a pleasant way of showing your friends that their efforts to please you are appreciated4 ,new ,year visits1 strangely enough1 are not general in this country outside of a few large cities4 ,the first day of the ,new ,year is set apart for general calls1 when houses are open1 and all are privileged to enter who are friends of the host1 or who are in company with a person who is on the calling list of the house4 ,it is not proper for a perfect stranger to enter a room and introduce himself to the ladies present1 just because the door is open2 if you wish to call upon the receivers of company1 get some proper friend to introduce you4 ,even the freedom of ,new ,year's day will not excuse a liberty with strangers4 ,in many instances houses are not open to calls1 on ,new ,year's day1 for various reasons4 ,in cases of this kind1 it is a pleasant reminder of your existence1 and of your wish to continue your social relations for the year1 to send in your card sometime during ,january1 or1 what is better1 to call sometime during the month1 and re-establish yourself in the list of friends of the party4 ,of the various technicalities of these several occasions1 we may say3 ,never forget to enter the room with thoroughly-cleaned boots4 ,always use the scraper and mats at the door4 ,if you meet any one on the staircase1 you should uncover1 whoever it may be4 ,you should do the same in case of an introduction4 ,if you have a cane1 keep it in your hand1 and be careful not to make much noise with your boots4 ,when a new visitor enters a drawing-room1 if it be a gentleman1 the ladies bow slightly2 if a lady1 every one rises4 ,beware of asking the hour1 or of taking out your watch during a visit2 avoid spitting on the floor--your pocket-handkerchief will serve your purpose4 ,to place your hat on any article of furniture when you enter a room is ungenteel2 to lay it on a bed is unpardonable4 ,you must hold it in your hand1 or leave it with your over-coat in the anteroom4 ,crossing the legs1 and stretching them out at full length1 are equally improper4 ,the last arrival in a drawing-room takes a seat left vacant near the mistress of the house4 ,a lady is not required to rise on receiving a gentleman1 nor to accompany him to the door4 ,if you are invited to lay down your hat1 place it beside1 not before you4 ,a young man will avoid sitting in an arm-chair--which should always be awarded to the ladies or old gentlemen present4 ,leave the seat next the fire to superiors in age or position4 ,the children of the family should assist their parents in receiving visitors1 relieve the ladies of their wrappings1 provide seats1 and accompany to the door4 ,never look about you in a room1 as if you were making an inventory4 ,the gloves should not be removed during a visit4 ,to brush your hat with your hand will expose you to the charge of extreme vulgarity4 ,at the entrance of a visitor you should rise4 ,a professional man in his office is alone exempted from this custom4 ,a lady does not put her address on her visiting-card4 ,we may here also add these further general hints and suggestions3 ,naturalness is an essential item in good-breeding4 ,hear what ,la ,bruyere thinks on this important question3 ,some young people do not sufficiently understand the advantages of natural charms1 and how much they would gain by trusting to them entirely4 ,they weaken these gifts of heaven1 so rare and fragile1 by affected manners and an awkward imitation4 ,their tones and their gait are borrowed2 they study their attitudes before the glass1 until they have lost all trace of natural manner1 and1 with all their pains1 they please but little4 ,without being vain1 a young girl should be careful of her person4 ,nothing is more repugnant to good taste1 than an air of neglect in the toilet and deportment of woman4 ,the hair and head-dress especially require care and neatness4 ,beware of imitating those people who never know what to do with their bodies1 and can never keep their hands quiet4 ,swinging on one's chair is extremely ill-bred4 ,the eye-glass stuck in the eye1 denotes either the dandy1 the clerk1 or the student4 ,this custom is in no way disagreeable to the passers-by1 but it has an air of ill-breeding and impertinence4 ,to follow a lady in the street1 and turn the head to stare at her1 is still more impertinent than to do so in a promenade1 especially in cities1 for reasons which can not be further averted to in a book intended for young persons of both sexes4 ,familiarity with servants should be avoided1 but they should always be addressed with civility4 ,some people1 in speaking to you1 have a silly habit of passing their hand through the hair1 or stroking the mustache2 some even carry a pocket-comb1 which they produce on all occasions1 for dressing the beard2 others bite their nails1 play with their watch-key1 or jingle the money in their pocket2 all these offences against propriety denote a want of good-breeding4 ,excess in perfume should be avoided1 lest the suspicion be excited that you deal in the odors that you inhale4 ,good-sense has often more to do than education1 in making a polished man4 ,one of the essential qualities of good-breeding1 is deserving general esteem by one's deportment4 ,in little social games1 a malicious girl will sometimes amuse herself by imposing on a companion a forfeit that will make her ridiculous2 this shows a bad disposition of mind as well as ill-breeding4 ,if1 in offering a lady a gift1 you select one that is very costly1 you may be guilty of an impertinence4 ,to speak in society of private matters1 is extremely improper4 ,turning up the sleeves on sitting down to table1 as some persons do1 is gross in the highest degree4 ,a habit of swearing always marks a vulgar man4 ,calling to the waiter with a loud voice in a public-room1 and striking violently on the table1 are indicative of extreme ignorance4 ,a snuff-taker should not take out his box at table2 his neighbor will be little pleased at receiving the stray grains in his plate4 ,indiscreet questions are impertinent1 as well as unseasonable harangues4 ,you should be ready to act the knight1 if a lady in your company is attacked4 ,if she give offence1 and that without reason1 your office is that of mediator4 ,you should even ask pardon for your companion4 ,a bully would act otherwise2 but it is absurd to get into a quarrel for the sake of maintaining that a person who is insolent has a right to be so1 and that because he is of your company4 ,you will show yourself1 in acting thus1 as ill-bred as he4 ,if1 in doing an obliging act1 you make people feel the obligation1 you deprive it entirely of its value4 ,if you speak of a friend to a person who is not intimate with both him and you1 preface his name with the word ,mr4 ,it would not be proper to say to a servant or a porter1 ,is ,julius here8 ,you must say1 ,is ,mr4 ,julius here8 ,a servant who understands propriety1 always speaks of his superiors in the third person4 ,when you receive a present1 it would be an offence to the donor to dismiss the porter without a gratuity4 ,if the honor of a woman be attacked1 you should always defend it4 ,it is not allowable for any one to assail the reputation of a lady1 even if she be open to censure4 ,in walking with a lady in the street1 leave her the inner side of the pavement4 ,if you meet friends in a narrow passage1 or on a footpath1 be careful not to block up the way4 ,it would be very impolite to inconvenience the passers-by in this manner4 ,in whatever society you are1 it is unpardonable to remain covered in the presence of a lady4 ,louis ,,xiv41 going one day on foot out of the castle of ,versailles1 uncovered before a vender of cakes who was stationed near the gate4 ,the courtiers having expressed their surprise2 ,gentlemen1 said the monarch1 is not the king's mother a woman8 ,our readers may also remember the incident related of ,henry ,clay3 a negro woman courtesied to him1 when he raised his hat politely to her in return4 ,what6 said a friend1 do you recognize negroes8 ,the noble reply was3 ,i never allow negroes to excel me in good manners4 ,when your visitor retires1 you should accompany him to the anteroom1 and save him the trouble of opening the door4 ,in the case of a lady or an old gentleman1 it is proper to go to the foot of the staircase4 ,,the ,,formula ,,of ,,introductions4 ,we shall say only a few words about presentations4 ,the same form is always observed1 ,let me introduce to you ,mr4 ,b42 or1 ,mr4 ,jones1 allow me to present to you ,mr4 ,smith2 or1 ,i have the honor to present to you my intimate friend4 ,introduce no person until you are sure it is agreeable to both parties4 ,ladies should always be asked if they wish to know ,mr4 ---- ere he is presented to them4 ,the rule invariably is1 to introduce gentlemen to ladies--not ladies to gentlemen4 ,or1 in case of men to men1 always present the younger to the older--the lesser to the greater4 ,we ,americans1 in our disregard of rank and position1 are too apt to overlook the courtesies established among gentlemen4 ,the person thus presented bows1 the host repeats the oft-spoken compliment1 and1 with a graceful rejoinder1 the ceremony concludes4 ,both ladies and gentlemen should be careful about introducing persons to each other1 without being first satisfied that such a course will be mutually agreeable4 ,the custom in this country1 particularly among gentlemen1 of indiscriminate introductions1 is carried to such a ridiculous extent1 that it has often been made the subject of comment by foreigners1 who can discover no possible advantage in being made acquainted with others with whom they are not likely to associate for three minutes1 in whom they take not the slightest interest1 and whom they probably will never again encounter1 nor recognize if they should4 ,besides1 every one has a right to exercise his own judgment and taste in the selection of acquaintances1 and it is clearly a breach of politeness to thrust them upon your friend or associate1 without knowing whether it ,will be agreeable to either party4 ,,on ,,dress ,,and ,,ornaments4 ,a man is judged of by his appearance1 and seldom incorrectly4 ,a neat exterior1 equally free from extravagance and poverty1 always proclaims a right-minded and sensible man4 ,to dress appropriately1 and with good taste1 is to respect yourself and others4 ,a black coat and trowsers are indispensable for a visit of ceremony1 an entertainment1 an evening party1 or a ball4 ,the white or black vest is equally proper in any of these cases4 ,very ceremonious visits require a dress shoe and a white vest4 ,the hand should always be gloved on such occasions4 ,always wear kids in dancing4 ,a gentleman1 when in dress and out of his business1 should also walk out gloved4 ,one hand may be uncovered2 the one you will extend if you meet an acquaintance4 ,if it be not well-bred for a gentleman out of business hours to appear in the street or at church without gloves1 it is still less so for a lady4 ,rings and heavy gold chains are not in good taste4 ,some young persons1 of both sexes1 have a strong desire to sport gold and jewels2 but let them remember that such is the taste of gamblers and courtesans1 and they may realize how really vulgar is too much jewelry4 ,to a woman1 the toilet is indeed a study1 to which she should devote a proper portion of her time2 and1 sure of being well-skilled in the art1 she is impatient of the observations of the critic4 ,all do not1 however1 escape the charge of vulgarity4 ,we sometimes see dresses in which the ill-assorted or showy colors spoil the effect of the richest material4 ,the various articles of dress must be well-chosen1 so as to produce an agreeable harmony4 ,never put on a dark-colored bonnet with a light1 spring costume4 ,avoid uniting colors which will suggest an epigram--such as a straw-colored dress1 with a green bonnet4 ,of the last-named style of head-gear you must especially beware1 unless you have an extremely fair complexion2 otherwise your malicious rivals will assert that your face resembles a citron1 surrounded by its foliage4 ,the arrangements of the hair is an important affair4 ,bands are becoming to faces of a ,grecian cast--while ringlets better suit those lively and expressive heads which resemble the beautiful ,ninon4 ,but1 whatever be your style of countenance1 avoid a cumbrous edifice of lace mixed with hair1 and let your flowers be few and choice4 ,a spray or two of heath1 the delicate blossoms of the jessamine1 violets--orange blossoms1 a white rose--these simple ornaments are most suitable to a young girl1 and even of these she should not be too prodigal1 for beauty unadorned is adorned the most4 ,in a married woman1 a richer style of ornament is admissible4 ,feathers in her bonnet1 a necklace1 a camellia or jewels in her hair are allowable in the wife1 but for a young girl1 a style of modest simplicity is far more impressive and becoming4 ,we shall state what is known to be a fact1 when we say ladies who attract most observation1 are those dressed with the most studied simplicity1 while those with most ornament are treated with less deference1 and excite less compliment4 ,an important maxim to be observed is1 that the most elegant dress loses its merit1 if it is not worn with grace4 ,young girls often have an air of constraint1 and their dress seems to partake of their want of ease4 ,the celebrated ,sappho is said to have attended to the arrangement even of the folds of her mantle4 ,she is indeed fortunate1 who can give an easy flexibility to her figure1 and graceful movements to her head3 she will always appear graceful and well-dressed4 ,there are women whose dress is extravagant--folly of this kind should be avoided3 a simple style of dress is ever proof of modesty1 and one never loses by appearing to be modest4 ,for many valuable recipes for the toilet1 and hints and suggestions in reference to the complexion1 the hair1 the teeth1 etc41 see ,,beadle',s ,,dime ,,recipe ,,book4 ,,on ,,cleanliness4 ,if there be one thing that we should recommend more than another1 it is cleanliness4 ,we might1 indeed1 abstain from this caution1 upon the supposition that the reader can not stand in need of it4 ,but1 to clear our conscience1 we devote a chapter to the subject4 ,the hands should receive special attention1 as they serve for a specimen of the rest4 ,every morning wash them with plenty of soap and water1 then with the brush1 clean your nails1 cut them1 and beware of the dark crescent which gets the name of half-mourning2 nothing can be more disgusting4 ,let your face and neck be clean2 we particularly recommend attention to the ears4 ,rinse your mouth often2 in the morning1 to remove the impurities of the night2 after dinner1 to avoid making others acquainted with the meats you have partaken of2 and at night1 before retiring to rest1 that you may sleep more sweetly4 ,if you are given to the really filthy habit of using tobacco1 in any shape1 never appear in any social circle1 or to any friend for whom you have any respect1 with the odor of the stuff about you4 ,let your use of it be as much in secret as possible4 ,no gentleman will ever smoke a cigar where its smoke can give the least offence4 ,in ,boston smoking is positively prohibited in the streets3 it should be in every city4 ,frequent baths are absolutely necessary1 and still more1 frequent foot-baths1 with tepid water and soap2 for the dust that one acquires in walking1 changes its name at the end of three days1 and in making a call1 your friends will be aware of your presence before they have seen you4 ,let your hat and clothes be carefully brushed4 ,nothing is more disagreeable in either sex1 than soiled shoes or stockings4 ,it shows either great negligence or uncleanliness4 ,let your linen be perfectly white1 and your dress spotless4 ,how often do we see women walking in the street with a torn or frayed dress1 or a broken stocking4 ,idleness alone is the cause of such things2 it is so easy to stop a rent1 and certainly it can not be said that thread is dear4 ,a dress ever so simple1 and cheap1 if it be neat1 is preferable to finery and dirt3 one is respectable1 the other is not4 ,in the pocket-handkerchief great nicety should be observed1 both from regard to appearances1 and for the sake of personal comfort4 ,it should be white and always clean4 ,a dirty handkerchief is an abomination4 ,a drop of perfume on it will make it all the pleasanter to yourself and to others4 ,perfect cleanliness in all things gives one a feeling of self-respect4 ,it not only affords an agreeable sensation of comfort1 but imparts an air of confidence1 springing from the consciousness that you need not fear the investigations or ridicule of any who approach you4 ,it will procure you an acquittal for many little defects of heart1 or mind1 or temper1 and win you respect where you may least expect to make a favorable impression4 ,,conversation4 ,it is rare to meet with persons who can converse agreeably2 and yet how many kinds of talkers there are in the world4 ,first comes the man who details his own adventures1 bringing in even his boyish escapades1 in order to keep up the continuous discharge2 the gastronomic talker1 who regales you with a description of famous dishes2 the detailer of empty trifles2 the exquisite ,leander of every hysterical dame2 the universal grumbler1 who sees nothing of the sun but its spots2 the self-constituted reporter of every kind of scandal2 with many others too numerous to mention4 ,if you wish to make yourself agreeable to a lady1 turn the conversation adroitly upon taste1 or art1 or books1 or persons1 or events of the day4 ,make her smile--suffer her to be superior in any encounter of wit--and she will pronounce you the most charming of men4 ,you will have shown yourself clever and well-bred4 ,never seem studied in your phrases1 nor talk above the comprehension or contrary to the taste of the person addressed1 otherwise you may be voted either a pedant or a bore4 ,the woman who wishes her conversation to be agreeable will avoid conceit or affectation1 and laughter which is not natural and spontaneous4 ,her language will be easy and unstudied1 marked by a graceful carelessness1 which1 at the same time1 never oversteps the limits of propriety4 ,her lips will readily yield to a pleasant smile2 she will not love to hear herself talk2 her tones will bear the impress of sincerity1 and her eyes kindle with animation1 as she speaks4 ,the art of pleasing is1 in truth1 the very soul of good-breeding2 for the precise object of the latter is to render us agreeable to all with whom we associate3 to make us1 at the same time1 esteemed and loved4 ,we need scarcely advert to the rudeness of interrupting any one who is speaking1 or to the impropriety of pushing1 to its full extent1 a discussion which has become unpleasant4 ,some men have a mania for ,greek and ,latin quotations2 this is a peculiarity to be avoided4 ,nothing is more wearisome than pedantry4 ,if you feel your intellectual superiority to any one with whom you are conversing1 do not seek to bear him down2 it would be an inglorious triumph and a breach of good manners4 ,beware1 too1 of speaking lightly of subjects which bear a sacred character4 ,no person1 man or woman1 will think the more of you for irreligious expression4 ,witlings occasionally gain a reputation in society2 but nothing is more insipid and in worse taste than their conceited harangues and self-sufficient air4 ,do ,,not ,,try to be witty4 ,true wit comes spontaneously1 and is not forced4 ,it is a common idea that the art of writing and the art of conversation are one2 this is a great mistake4 ,a man of genius may be a very dull talker4 ,the two grand modes of making conversation interesting1 are to enliven it by recitals calculated to affect and impress your hearers1 and to intersperse it with anecdotes and agreeable relations4 ,,address ,,of ,,letters1 ,,directions ,,for ,,writing1 ,,etc4 ,a letter addressed to a person of eminence should have a seal on the envelope2 for other letters the ordinary envelope is sufficient4 ,letter paper 7other than for business7 with designs of any kind is in questionable taste1 as are seals ornamented with flowers and figures4 ,perfectly plain paper should be preferred3 it may be embossed with the writer's initials4 ,on the birth-days of your relations1 and on the festival of the ,new ,year1 you can hardly dispense with written congratulations4 ,in writing to a superior employ paper of full letter size2 write the name1 and in the line underneath the words1 ,dear ,sir4 ,leave a line between this word and the first line of your letter4 ,always write to the point--using not a superfluous or meaningless word1 and be as brief as possible4 ,abbreviations are admissible in notes entered in a book of reference1 but not elsewhere1 except in commercial correspondence4 ,letters of invitation and circulars should always be franked2 and if the distance be not too great1 they should be sent by hand4 ,a letter given to a third person1 if it be a letter of introduction1 should not be sealed4 ,in writing to an official1 leave a large margin1 for he may need it for marginal notes4 ,a young man writing to one advanced in years1 should not conclude his letter with the common phrase1 ,receive1 sir1 the assurance of my regard4 ,it should be1 ,accept1 sir1 this expression of the regards of your very humble servant4 ,this formula may be employed in writing to an equal1 ,accept1 sir1 the assurance of my highest esteem2 or1 ,i have the honor to be yours1 very truly4 ,to a lady1 ,accept1 madam1 the assurance of my respect2 or1 ,i am1 my dear lady1 yours very sincerely4 ,it is ill-bred to write on a half-sheet2 the shortest letter requires a whole one4 ,all letters must be pre-paid4 ,and stamps should always be remitted1 where an answer is expected1 if your own affairs are concerned4 ,never impose postage upon a friend3 it is a contemptible act to make a person1 after the trouble of writing to you on your business1 pay his own postage4 ,a few words on epistolary style4 ,few persons know how to write a good letter4 ,the epistolary style1 in general1 should be very simple2 pathos would be absurd where you have to speak of the common occurrences of life1 the follies of the world1 its petty hatreds and vanities4 ,be as respectful and as lively as you can in writing to an old man3 old people love sprightliness4 ,the surest way to please in your correspondence is to acquaint yourself with the characters of the persons with whom you interchange letters1 to avoid touching their foibles1 to speak to them on the subjects they have studied1 or of which they are especially fond4 ,in addressing a lady1 imply your opinion of her taste by seeking her advice on subjects which require it4 ,never weary of burning incense2 there is an altar in the heart of woman1 and even of man1 always ready to receive its fragrance4 ,the design of good-breeding is to make you agreeable to every one2 write your letters so that each one reading them will be pleased and satisfied4 ,adulation or flattery is very unbecoming1 except it is positively deserved2 and then it should be given in terms which will not compromise good taste and good judgment4 ,if there be a phrase happily worded in the letter addressed to you1 ever so little1 do not suffer it to fall to the ground2 preserve it1 and in your reply1 show that you have appreciated it4 ,if a correspondent uses improper language toward you1 let your reply be polite1 even if it is severe2 you will thus inflict a double wound--showing yourself to be a man of dignity1 and know how to preserve your self-respect4 ,refrain from addressing extravagant praise to a man of discernment2 he will see that you have some purpose in what you say1 and you will make an enemy4 ,no praise is extravagant to fools2 tell them that they are gods1 and they will set about procuring an altar2 but you would view yourself with contempt if you were mean enough to praise such4 ,avoid the folly of copying1 as models1 letters to which peculiar circumstances impart brilliancy or genuine wit2 but which1 applied from different cases1 are strangely out of place4 ,if you address one beneath you in education or position1 don't make him feel his inferiority2 be polite without familiarity1 as politeness is due from every man of good parts to those beneath him4 ,if you write an epistle respecting a common occurrence in a style of bombast or would-be-eloquence1 you will suggest an application to yourself of the fable of the mountain which brought forth a mouse4 ,in all cases1 where it is possible1 avoid erasures and crowded lines4 ,letters between friends are simply conversation2 from an inferior to a superior they should have a tone of caution1 at once concise and respectful4 ,a letter of business is expressed in brief and precise terms1 with details arranged in exact order4 ,letters of congratulation should be distinguished for choice language1 to the exclusion of all expressions parasitical or common-place4 ,as to the style which a son should employ in writing to his parents1 there is no instructor but the heart4 ,in every case and circumstance be truthful and earnest1 and you may rest assured you will impress favorably1 and accomplish your purpose a thousandfold better than if you used deceitful and false expressions4 ,the ,,dime ,,letter ,,writer will embody all that is necessary to enable the young person1 or the novice1 to write letters intelligibly1 properly1 and satisfactorily4 ,it will contain besides models for hints1 a complete directory to correct composition4 ,,balls1 ,,evening-,,parties1 ,,receptions1 ,,etc4 ,to deport oneself satisfactorily at the dance1 it is necessary to understand much about the dances which may be introduced4 ,it is a charming accomplishment to be a good dancer1 and we shall not hesitate to advise all1 male and female1 to learn the ,terpsichorean art1 ere the days of youth are past4 ,it is unnecessary to argue the pros and cons of the proprieties and moralities of the dance2 we prefer to let each judge for him or herself on the debated question2 but1 that it is a real accomplishment1 and a desirable one1 to be familiar with the etiquette and technicalities of the ball or soiree1 is our most firm conviction1 and we therefore introduce such observations and rules here as should govern the occasions of balls1 soirees1 receptions1 etc4 ,an invitation to a dance should be given at least a week beforehand4 ,a lady sometimes requires time to prepare her toilet4 ,the host of the house receives you2 and after the usual compliments1 which should be very brief1 do not fail in polite recognitions to any lady in the company with whom you are acquainted4 ,if you introduce a friend1 make him acquainted with the names of the chief persons present2 by this precaution you will often save him an indiscretion2 and make him feel more at his ease4 ,these ball-room introductions are not regarded as introductions for a more extended acquaintance than for the evening4 ,should the parties afterward meet upon the street or elsewhere1 let the gentleman be careful not to presume upon any recognition of the lady until she has first bowed4 ,if she fails to extend this recognition1 let the gentleman take no umbrage1 for he has no real claim upon her acquaintance merely from a public ball-room introduction4 ,an introduction at a private soiree is another thing2 there the relations of the parties introduced are the same as at any private party3 they are permanently introduced if at all4 ,if a gentleman escorts a lady to the dance1 he is her cavalier for the evening2 he must see that she is always provided with agreeable partners2 that she always has a seat when required2 has the necessary refreshments1 etc4 ,he must dance with her first of all1 and as often1 during the evening1 as is proper1 considering the claims of others and the wishes of the lady4 ,avoid seeking the same partner 7other than your lady en charge7 in the dance too often2 you will excite remark1 and will expose yourself to the charge of partiality or perhaps of coquetry4 ,it is a graceful attention in a young man to select as partners those ladies whose want of personal attractions condemn them to the terrible punishment of being the wall-flowers of the evening4 ,such attentions will procure you a feeling of grateful regard1 especially if you acquit yourself with tact and real kindness4 ,if a married lady is present1 and dancing while her husband is in the room1 a person desiring her for a partner should first be sure that it is agreeable to the husband for him to offer his hand to the lady4 ,if a crowd is present1 and a gentleman has occasion to make his way through a press of crinoline and drapery1 he should proceed most carefully--haste would be very rude and inexcusable2 the danger of soiling1 or tearing1 or disarranging a lady's costume forbids any gentleman making a careless step4 ,if it is necessary to step in front of a lady in passing1 always apologize for the step2 otherwise she may very properly think you do not know what belongs to good manners4 ,a lady is always pleased with an apology if it is gracefully and kindly made2 and no gentleman will ever suffer such an occasion to pass in silence1 without he really designs an affront1 or except he is absolutely ignorant of what is proper and respectful4 ,a good authority before us says3--,in a quadrille1 or other dance1 while awaiting the music1 or while unengaged1 a lady and gentleman should avoid long conversations1 as they are apt to interfere with the progress of the dance2 while1 on the other hand1 a gentleman should not stand like an automaton1 as though he were afraid of his partner1 but endeavor to render himself agreeable by those airy nothings which amuse for the moment1 and are in harmony with the occasion4 ,you should1 however1 not only on such occasions1 but invariably1 avoid the use of slang terms and phrases1 they being1 to the last degree1 vulgar and objectionable4 ,indeed1 one of the charms of conversation consists in the correct use of language4 ,dr4 ,johnson1 whose reputation as a talker was hardly less than that which he acquired as a writer1 prided himself on the appositeness of his quotations1 the choice of his words1 and the correctness of his expressions4 ,had he lived in this age of progress1 he would have discovered that his ,lexicon was not only incomplete1 but required numerous emendations4 ,we can fancy the irritable moralist endeavoring to comprehend the idea which a young lady wishes to convey1 when she expresses the opinion that a bonnet is awful1 or a young gentleman of his coat1 when he asserts that it is played out6 ,if any one thing marks a person's bringing up1 it is the language used in company2 and it may be set down as an almost invariable rule1 that any one who uses slang words1 who talks loudly and rudely1 who utters an oath1 or who becomes angered and expresses it1 is no gentleman1 and has not had good associations4 ,for a lady to be guilty of even one of these sins1 is too palpably inexcusable to need remark4 ,the author quoted above1 adds this excellent advice upon a very common ball-room sin1 viz43 scandal and strictures upon a person's appearance1 dress1 etc4 ,he says3--,there is a custom which is sometimes practiced both in the assembly-room and at private parties1 which can not be too strongly reprehended1--we allude to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of those who are ungraceful1 or otherwise obnoxious to censure1 which is indulged in by the thoughtless1 particularly among the dancers4 ,of its gross impropriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an opinion2 but there is such an utter disregard for the feelings of others implied in this kind of negative censorship1 that we can not forbear to warn our young readers to avoid it4 ,the ',koran' says3 ',do not mock--the mocked may be better than the mocker4' ,those you condemn may not have had the same advantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity1 while they may be infinitely superior in purity of heart and mental accomplishments4 ,the advice of ,chesterfield to his son1 in his commerce with society1 to do as you would be done by1 is founded on the ,christian precept1 and worthy of commendation4 ,imagine yourself the victim of others' ridicule1 and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which only gains for you the hatred of those you satirize1 if they chance to observe you1 and the contempt of others who have noticed your violation of politeness1 and abuse of true sociality4 ,ladies will always be careful of their associates4 ,at the public ball are occasionally to be found persons whose acquaintance it is not proper to make4 ,the young female is ever the cynosure of all eyes1 and can not comport herself too strictly1 nor choose her partners too carefully4 ,it is not best to be prudish1 but it is right and necessary to be cautious and discreet4 ,in walking up or down the room the lady should always be accompanied by a gentleman2 it is quite improper to saunter around alone4 ,when a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman1 it is her duty to give him a reason why1 although some thoughtless ones do not4 ,no matter how frivolous it may be1 it is simply an act of courtesy to offer him an excuse2 while1 on the other hand1 no gentleman ought so far to compromise his self-respect as to take the slightest offence at seeing a lady by whom he has just been refused1 dance immediately after with some one else4 ,a lady has a hundred motives for conduct which she can not explain2 and for a gentleman to take offence at her simple declination to dance is very silly and unmanly4 ,during the act of dancing all parties should have on their summer looks4 ,dancing is rightly supposed to be an enjoyment1 but the somber countenances of some who engage in it1 might almost lead to the belief that it were a solemn duty being performed4 ,if1 says a shrewd observer1 those who laugh in church would transfer their merriment to the assembly-room1 and those who are sad in the assembly-room would carry their gravity to the church1 they both might discover the appositeness of ,solomon's declaration1 that there is a time to be merry and a time to be sad4 ,it should ever be the study of both sexes to render themselves agreeable4 ,gentlemen1 as we have said1 should avoid showing marked preference to particular ladies1 by devoting their undivided attentions to them1 or dancing exclusively with them4 ,too often1 the belle of the evening1 with no other charms than beauty of form and feature1 monopolizes the regards of a circle of admirers1 while modest merit1 of less personal attraction1 is both overlooked and neglected4 ,we honor the generous conduct of those1 particularly the well-favored1 who bestow their attentions on ladies who1 from conscious lack of beauty1 least expect them4 ,the real man of sense will not fail to recognize most solicitously any lady who may seem neglected or unattended4 ,on the other hand1 no lady1 however numerous the solicitations of her admirers1 should consent to dance repeatedly when1 by so doing1 she excludes other ladies from participating in the same amusement2 still less1 as we have hinted1 should she dance exclusively with the same gentleman1 to the disadvantage of others4 ,what has elsewhere been said in regard to dress and ornament will apply fully to the occasion of the dance4 ,let simplicity be the guide1 and not display4 ,the lady tricked out in many jewels and ribbons looks too much like a moving advertisement to command respect for it4 ,if ladies generally knew how deep an impression a pure style of dress makes upon the other sex1 and realized how trifling a gaudy dress seems to the person of true taste1 we surmise their vanity alone would impel to simpler attire1 rather than to elaborate and costly display4 ,in regard to a gentleman's dress for the dance1 we may add3 white gloves1 white vest1 light colored cravat1 dress-coat1 black pants1 and patent-leather gaiters1 or light calf-skin boots well polished1 constitute the proper ball-room or soiree costume4 ,the much talked of independence of ,americans1 professes disdain of many of the requisitions of dress established by good usage in ,england and ,france4 ,a frock-coat would not be tolerated a moment in any fashionable society in ,europe4 ,whether it be esteemed a prejudice or otherwise1 we are free to confess that1 in our own opinion1 the frock-coat is a violation of good taste1 as unsuited either to a ball-room or private assembly4 ,the ordinary dress-coat1 which is in no respect in the way1 and which leaves the limbs perfectly free to move gracefully1 is the only proper coat for the party and dance4 ,when a lady has accepted refreshment1 her attending gentleman should hasten to relieve her of her glass or plate2 and1 as her cavalier1 should see that all her wants and wishes have been complied with4 ,the refreshments over1 the gentleman should offer his arm and gallant the lady to her seat in the ball-room2 or1 if she wishes to retire to the dress-room1 he should gallant her to the door1 and there await her coming out to convey her to the dancing-floor again4 ,the ladies dressing-room1 it is unnecessary to say1 is a sacred precinct into which no man should ever presume to look2 to go into it would be an outrage which none could overlook or forgive4 ,when the hour comes for retiring home1 be sure to be ready for the lady whom you have accompanied to the dance2 your obligations are not discharged until she is again1 under your own eyes1 seen safely at her own door4 ,if you have come to the room unattended1 select1 during the latter part of the evening1 some lady who1 it may seem1 will be glad of your company home2 offer her your services and1 if she signifies assent1 be careful to be ready at her call4 ,await at the door of the dressing-room for her1 and offering your arm do the gallant kindly but not ostentatiously nor too officiously4 ,leave her at her own door1 after the bell has been answered1 and not until then4 ,in leaving an evening-party it is unnecessary to seek the master of the house4 ,your farewell will be dispensed with2 you should leave without disturbing any one to occasion remark4 ,this rule is often misunderstood1 but it should not be4 ,,cards1 ,,chess1 ,,etc4 ,it is well at a ball1 to have a table for cards and men for chess3 for all the guests are not dancers1 and it is the duty of a host to see that all enjoy themselves4 ,it is customary for partners to bow slightly to each other before beginning a game of cards or chess4 ,when a game of cards is ended1 and the shuffle is your partner's1 the cards should be arranged and handed to the lady whose turn it is to deal them4 ,to discuss the rules of play is ungenteel4 ,in a quiet party the tact and cordiality of the entertainers should put all the guests at their ease4 ,the choice of the guests is not one of the least difficult points4 ,at the house of a political man1 there should be an effort to unite all shades of opinion4 ,from parties of any kind1 a man known for his gratuitous rudeness1 or for the impropriety of his witticism1 will be excluded by all who are desirous of maintaining the proprieties of social intercourse4 ,opposing politicians1 editors1 lawyers1 and ministers should never carry their professional feelings into the parlor1 nor1 by any expression1 mar the good-humor of an evening4 ,it is improper to express your opinion loudly in company1 or to remain long at the card-table when you are young and known to be a good dancer4 ,it is a delicate attention to stand behind a lady at the piano and turn over the leaves of her music-book1 and after the music to gallant her to her seat4 ,after the dance1 a gentleman must not omit to conduct his partner to her seat2 and in so doing1 a well-turned compliment will not be out of place4 ,we have noted the impropriety of a young man's remaining long at the chess or the card table1 when the ladies are in want of a partner in the adjoining room4 ,at the same time1 a gentleman should be acquainted with one or more games1 as it is polite to play with the host or his guests1 if you are invited to do so4 ,some persons1 in playing cards1 show an effort to conceal their hand2 this is ill-bred4 ,if it be a pleasure to spectators to watch the game1 why should you object to it8 ,even if it be disagreeable to you to be overlooked1 you should not let it appear4 ,you will sometimes see one partner reproach another sharply for unskillful play2 thus convicting himself of being more unskilled in the science of good-breeding4 ,the man who utters noisy complaints about his luck1 or manifests unseemly joy at winning a game1 raising his voice to a high key on all occasions1 is so ignorant as to be unworthy of admission into a drawing-room4 ,in playing chess1 avoid the other extreme of being too silent and abstracted1 for such conduct is only fit for the study4 ,use a cheerful air1 and make others feel your geniality1 if you would win hearts as well as games4 ,,entertainments1 ,,dinner-,,parties1 ,,etc4 ,to give an invitation1 says a brilliant writer1 is to take the responsibility of your guest's happiness during the time he is under your roof4 ,this is an ambitious view of the subject2 we will alter it thus3 ,to invite a man1 is to undertake to do all in your power to make him feel satisfied with the pleasure you offer him4 ,in order to do which1 it is essential to know the tastes of your guests4 ,to invite two persons at enmity with each other1 to an entertainment1 is a blunder2 it is unpardonable to bring such together in a small party1 unless1 indeed1 the way to reconciliation lies open2 and even in this case there is an awkwardness in the presence of enemies1 which will not fail to render their presence unpleasant to others4 ,the pleasures of the table1 says the author of the ,physiology of ,taste1 belong to all ages1 to all ranks1 to all countries2 they may be enjoyed with all other pleasures1 and remain the longest to console us for their loss4 ,that this enjoyment may be undisturbed1 take care that nothing occurs to chagrin any of the guests2 if1 therefore1 the conversation falls upon a subject disagreeable to any one present1 good-breeding requires that the host should skillfully turn it upon another topic4 ,an invitation to dinner should be given at least two days beforehand1 except in extraordinary cases4 ,from an inferior to a superior1 it should be made in person4 ,in ceremonious dinners1 the place of each guest is assigned beforehand2 you thus avoid putting several ladies together4 ,each one should have a gentleman next her4 ,the host offers his arm to the lady deserving of most consideration4 ,young people should yield to those more advanced in years4 ,do not forget1 in passing the threshold of a door1 to precede the lady who leans on your arm4 ,this is an exception to the general rule2 in every other case1 the gentleman should retire a step1 to allow the lady to pass4 ,before passing into the dining-room1 each gentleman offers his left arm to a lady1 and conducts her to table4 ,beware of arriving too early or too late3 in either case there is an awkwardness--in the former you inconvenience your host2 in the latter1 his guests4 ,once at table1 you should not lose sight of the plate or glass of your fair neighbor1 showing yourself attentive1 without affectation or over-officiousness4 ,meat should be cut only according as it is carried to the mouth4 ,to cut up a plateful is the very height of greediness and ill-breeding4 ,bread is broken as it is wanted2 after soup1 which is served out by the host1 the spoon remains on the plate1 as it will not be used again4 ,where wine is used1 three glasses are usually laid down to each guest at dinner3 one for ordinary wines2 another of smaller size for claret2 the third to receive the sparkling foam of the champagne4 ,in drinking you should say to your neighbor1 ,sir1 may ,i offer you8 and not employ the ungenteel phrase1 ,will you take8 as if you were at the bar of some ordinary drinking-saloon4 ,if the dish that you desire be too far from your neighbor1 do not ask another guest2 the servant will attend your orders4 ,the noise of the knife and plate should be heard as little as possible2 rapidity in eating is also ill-bred4 ,a knowledge of carving is indispensable to all men who would act the host with grace and propriety4 ,do not assist yourself to any dish where servants stand ready to supply you4 ,some persons use their bread at dinner to dry up their plates2 this is intolerable beyond the family circle1 and even there is rather childish4 ,parents should be careful to save their children from awkwardness in company1 either in treading on a lady's dress1 or using the knife in eating2 or worse still1 their fingers4 ,never take any thing out of your pocket to lay on the table4 ,the napkin should rest on the knees1 only half unfolded4 ,the fork is never to be laid on its back4 ,the host has the knives changed for dessert4 ,the knife and fork1 and the table utensils generally should never be handed endways1 but should be held by the middle4 ,coffee is generally served after passing into the drawing room4 ,the lady of the house fills it out if it be after dinner2 after breakfast this office may be left to a servant4 ,the hostess should not seek to outvie her guests in the costliness of her toilet4 ,this would be in bad taste4 ,in ,england1 it is the custom for ladies to retire a little before the close of the meal4 ,american ladies are not disposed to admire this habit1 and we are too gallant and too anxious to enjoy the charm of their conversation1 to subject them to this mode of banishment4 ,the lady of the house should show the same solicitude for all her guests1 and take care that they want for nothing4 ,in some houses1 a custom has been adopted1 which appears to us vulgar1 viz3 the gentlemen retire from the company for a short time to smoke2 on their return to the ladies1 their clothes and breath exhale the disagreeable perfume4 ,there are few well-bred women to whom tobacco is not extremely offensive4 ,the host rises to leave the table2 you must remember not to fold your napkin1 as is usual in the family1 where the same napkin serves you several times4 ,each gentleman offers his arm to a lady1 and conducts her back to the drawing-room4 ,the ,romans knew how to enhance1 by enjoyments unknown to us1 the pleasures of the table2 and the ,greeks threw more poetry into their festivals than our somewhat prosaic eaters4 ,at the banquets of ,greece1 the sculptured cups were crowned with roses2 singers and musicians enlivened the close of the repast2 and the wit of the professed jester contributed to the entertainment of the guests4 ,the table and side-board and mantels will always look more inviting when dressed tastefully in flowers4 ,a sweet bouquet before each lady is a personal compliment which it is easy to bestow1 and one which can not fail to please the guests4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,the ,,street4 ,good behavior upon the street1 or public promenade1 marks the gentleman most effectually2 rudeness1 incivility1 disregard of what the world says1 marks the person of low breeding4 ,we always know1 in walking a square with a man1 if he is a gentleman or not4 ,a real gentility never does the following things on the street1 in presence of observers3-- ,never picks the teeth1 nor scratches the head4 ,never swears or talks uproariously4 ,never picks the nose with the finger4 ,never smokes1 or spits upon the walk1 to the exceeding annoyance of those who are always disgusted with tobacco in any shape4 ,never stares at any one1 man or woman1 in a marked manner4 ,never scans a lady's dress impertinently1 and makes no rude remarks about her4 ,never crowds before promenaders in a rough or hurried way4 ,never jostles a lady or gentleman without an excuse me4 ,never treads upon a lady's dress without begging pardon4 ,never loses temper1 nor attracts attention by excited conversation4 ,never dresses in an odd or singular manner1 so as to create remark4 ,never fails to raise his hat politely to a lady acquaintance2 nor to a male friend who may be walking with a lady--it is a courtesy to the lady4 ,of course a lady will not be rude1 nor dress so as attract undue attention1 much less to create unpleasant remark4 ,she will be kind to all2 she will not absorb too much of the walk1 nor fail to give half the way to either a lady or gentleman2 she will not allow her skirts to drag upon the walk to the annoyance of other pedestrians2 she will not fail to recognize friends by a pleasant smile and slight bow2 she will not look back at any one who has passed her2 she will not eye another lady's dress1 as if studying its very texture2 she will not stop upon the walk to talk with a friend to the inconvenience of others2 she will not make the street a place of meeting with a person whom she can not receive at her house4 ,some females do1 it is true1 not regard all these laws of proper and recognized etiquette2 and such1 we are forced to say1 forfeit their claim to be called a lady4 ,a true lady in the street1 as in the parlor or salon1 is modest1 discreet1 kind1 obliging2 if she is to the contrary1 she forfeits her right to be called after the truly genteel4 ,it is a most unfailing mark of ignorance and low origin to put on airs1 and to show pride1 vanity1 egotism in the street4 ,the truly well-educated1 well-born1 and well-bred never betray vanity1 conceit1 superciliousness1 nor hauteur4 ,set this down as an invariable law1 and1 male or female1 let it guide all your actions4 ,it is proper that the lady should first recognize the gentleman4 ,there has been some dispute on this point of etiquette1 but we think there can be no question of the propriety of the first recognition coming from the lady4 ,a gentleman will never fail to bow in return to a lady1 even if he may feel coldly disposed toward her2 but a lady may not feel at liberty to return a gentleman's bow1 which places him in a rather unpleasant position4 ,a lady should give the first smile or bow1 is the rule now recognized4 ,in meeting acquaintances several times during the same promenade1 it is not necessary to salute them at every passing4 ,in offering a lady your arm1 as it is proper to do upon the street1 particularly in the evening1 always give her the right arm1 because persons in passing1 observing the law turn to the right1 would jostle her if she was upon the left arm4 ,the practice of always giving the lady the inside of the walk1 is a very useless one1 and not necessary to true politeness4 ,it is always proper for a gentleman walking alone1 or with another of his sex1 to give the lady1 or a gentleman with a lady1 the inside of the walk4 ,in gallanting a lady to a carriage1 take her left hand4 ,it is truly polite to take off the hat in such a service4 ,,the ,,politeness ,,of ,,business4 ,a volume might with propriety be written on business proprieties1 for the rules of good-breeding are so outrageously violated by employees and employers1 that to detail their shortcomings would require many pages4 ,but in business as in all other intercourse1 the one invariable law of good-breeding1 viz43 kindness1 offers the key to all true mode of conduct4 ,be kind and considerate1 and you will do right4 ,the upright and model man of business never commits any of the following sins3-- ,never tells a falsehood1 even though at times it may offer a temporary advantage4 ,in the end it will not result happily--neither to conscience nor to the till4 ,it is one of the fixed laws of compensations that a wrong entails evil1 sooner or later2 hence1 even in a selfish view1 it is best always to tell the truth4 ,never creates false expectations to effect a transaction4 ,never represents an article to be what it is not4 ,the secret of the success of ,a4 ,t4 ,stewart1 and other merchants of eminence1 is that they never would allow any deception to be practiced upon customers4 ,a child can buy of them as safely as an experienced person4 ,never breaks appointments1 and never fails to keep good his word to the hour and the letter1 if there is no just cause to prevent4 ,never is absent from his business1 except when absolutely necessary4 ,never allows others in his employ to do what is not perfectly intelligible to him4 ,always understands his books2 always keeps the run of the entire day's transactions2 always knows the exact state of his bank account2 always is acquainted with the doings of each one in his employ4 ,if called upon by any person he is polite2 he gives no curt answers2 he keeps none waiting unnecessarily2 he is solicitous of doing what will most please4 ,in a word1 the secret of business success1 and the true criterion of action for the business man1 young or old1 is to be found in that blessed ,golden ,rule1 which will forever hold good1 viz43-- ,do unto others as ye would that they should do unto you4 ,,advice ,,to ,,the ,,working-,,man4 ,let it not be said that the first principles of good breeding are unknown to the working-man2 he may be ignorant of the usages of society1 but he can1 if he please1 maintain a becoming and agreeable deportment4 ,what generally makes him coarse and surly1 is the prejudice1 unhappily too widely spread1 that the rich man feels above him4 ,this is a great mistake2 it is not the blouse that is shunned1 it is the rudeness of the man who wears it4 ,labor is always held in esteem by any man of sense2 but who can regard coarseness and rudeness with respect8 ,two workmen enter a saloon1 they talk as if in the street1 abuse those whom they name aristocrats1 and make such a disturbance1 that the waiter shows them to the door4 ,is it the working-man who is thus used8 no1 verily1 it is the insulter of the public4 ,a man in broadcloth1 who should conduct himself thus1 would1 in like manner1 be requested to retire from the company of those whom he was disturbing4 ,however1 the operative thus treated1 always exclaims3 ,though one is a workman1 he is as good as you4 ,but1 in this case1 he is not in the character of a working-man1 but in that of a consumer1 like all the others seeking their comfort or pleasure2 none of whom would think of saying1 if such a thing happened to them1 ,i am a lawyer2 or1 ,i am a physician2 or1 ,i am an officer4 ,in a public establishment1 such as a cafe1 or hotel1 or in public conveyances1 all are equal1 and no one should be suffered to be insolent1 or vulgar1 or rude4 ,the rich man1 on his part1 knows that there are laws of politeness to be observed toward all4 ,the upstart or snob alone gives himself the habit of speaking rudely to those he employs2 he alone affects to humble them by his tone of superiority4 ,the man of true nobility is polite to every one1 be he rich or poor4 ,,love1 ,,courtship1 ,,and ,,marriage4,a ,in the matter of ,,love it would be hard to lay down any formal rules2 the heart is its own teacher2 if its impulses be true and pure1 your looks1 words1 and actions will be in no danger of doing you any particular discredit4 ,even awkwardness is sometimes eloquent1 and makes a better companion than the most elegant self-possession1 since it proclaims the reality of your passion1 and the diffidence of real affection4 ,love has a language of its own1 and will not thank any book of etiquette for a lesson4 ,if the maiden be modest1 and the youth sincere and manly1 they will appreciate and understand each other without danger of mistakes4 ,it has been said that any refined and delicate woman can prevent an offer which she does not intend to accept1 and we believe that1 in most cases1 she can2 saving herself the pain of refusal1 and her lover the mortification of being rejected4 ,it is a poor triumph for a young lady to say1 or to feel1 that she has refused five1 ten1 or twenty offers of marriage2 it is about the same as acknowledging herself a trifler and coquette1 who1 from motives of personal vanity1 tempts and induces hopes and expectations which she has predetermined shall be disappointed4 ,such a course is1 to a certain degree1 both unprincipled and immodest4 ,it is a still greater crime when a man conveys the impression that he is in love1 by actions1 gallantries1 looks1 attentions1 all--except that he never commits himself--and finally withdraws his devotions1 exulting in the thought that he has said or written nothing which can legally bind him4 ,but true love1 as we remarked before1 will find for itself some becoming expression and-- needs not the foreign child of ornament4 ,love1 of course1 unless some insuperable barrier exists1 will be followed in due time by ,,courtship4 ,here some formalities will begin to be observed4 ,the passion which blushed to own itself to itself1 having been crowned1 becomes a matter of interest to others than the two most particularly concerned4 ,if a young man thinks fit to address himself first to the young lady1 to find if his attentions be agreeable to her1 he should not delay1 after gaining her consent to them1 to respectfully solicit the approval of her parents or guardians4 ,this is due to them1 and should not be put off on account of any unworthy fear or timidity4 ,it is customary in some circles for the parents to make the betrothal immediately known to their friends1 and even to give a kind of preliminary festival at which the couple are publicly congratulated4 ,good taste will dictate the avoidance of any expression of fondness between the parties when in company4 ,envy and satire are ever on the look-out for subjects of ridicule1 and it is well to give them no opportunity4 ,sentiment which is beautiful in the family circle1 is often odious in society4 ,the same rule holds good with relatives and newly-married people4 ,their devotion to each other should be put aside1 and the claims of others upon their courtesy and time duly honored4 ,the amount of attention permissible before marriage1 such as walking1 driving1 concert-going1 etc41 depends very much upon the customs of the place in which the persons reside4 ,public opinion and habit should not be invaded without some good and weighty reason1 even with the most innocent purposes4 ,it can not be desirable to provoke remark and censure1 however indifferent you may feel towards its authors4 ,the ,,marriage ceremony varies with the fortunes and wishes of those interested4 ,in regard to the form of the rite1 no specific direction are necessary2 for those who are to be married by ministers1 will study the form of their particular church--the ,methodists their ,book of ,discipline1 the ,episcopalians their ,book of ,common ,prayer1 the ,catholics their ,ritual1 etc41 etc4 ,in most cases a rehearsal of the ceremony is made in private1 that the pair may the more perfectly understand the necessary forms4 ,if the parties are to be wedded by a magistrate1 the ceremony is almost nominal--it is a mere repetition of a vow4 ,the ,catholic and ,episcopal forms have the most ceremony1 and doubtless are the most impressive1 though no more effectually marrying than the simplest form4 ,there are1 however1 some generally received rules which govern this momentous and interesting occasion1 and to these we refer all interested4 ,when the wedding is not strictly in private1 it is customary for bridesmaids and groomsmen to be chosen to assist in the duties of the occasion4 ,the bridesmaids should be younger than the bride2 their dresses should be conformed to hers2 they should not be any more expensive1 though they are permitted more ornament4 ,they are generally chosen of light1 graceful material2 flowers are the principal decoration4 ,the bride's dress is marked by simplicity4 ,but few jewels or ornaments should be worn1 and those should be the gift of the bridegroom or parents4 ,a veil and garland are the distinguishing features of the dress4 ,the bridesmaids assist in dressing the bride1 receiving the company1 etc42 and1 at the time of the ceremony1 stand at her left side1 the first bridesmaid holding the bouquet and gloves4 ,the groomsmen receive the clergyman1 present him to the couple to be married1 and support the bridegroom upon the right1 during the ceremony4 ,if it is an evening wedding1 at home1 immediately after these twain are made one1 they are congratulated3 first by the relatives1 then by the friends1 receiving the good wishes of all2 after which1 they are at liberty to leave their formal position1 and mingle with the company4 ,the dresses1 supper1 etc41 are usually more festive and gay than for a morning wedding and reception1 where the friends stop for a few moments only1 to congratulate the newly-married pair1 taste the cake and wine1 and hurry away4 ,when the ceremony is performed in church1 the bride enters at the left1 with her father1 mother1 and bridesmaids2 or1 at all events1 with a bridesmaid4 ,the groom enters at the right1 followed by his attendants4 ,the parents stand behind1 the attendants at either side4 ,the bride should be certain that her glove is readily removable2 the groom1 that the ring is where he can find it1 to avoid delay and embarrassment4 ,when they leave the church1 the newly-married couple walk arm-in-arm4 ,they have usually a reception of a couple of hours at home1 for their intimate friends1 then a breakfast1 then leave upon the bridal tour4 ,the wording of invitations1 and the styles of cards1 are so constantly changing1 that it will not do to lay down rules4 ,cards of invitation to the wedding are usually sent out in the name of the mother4 ,see page #gj4 ,a few days before the return of the wedded pair1 their own especial card is sent to those whom they desire shall call upon them1 and whose acquaintance they wish to retain4 ,however plain the dress chosen for the occasion1 gloves and shoes must be faultless4 ,there should be flowers if possible2 they are never more in place4 ,the fee of the clergyman will be decided by the fortune and position of the groom4 ,no doubt1 in the joy of his heart1 the just married will be liberal2 if he is not1 upon this occasion1 he never will be4 ,the first groomsman will take charge of this matter4 ,the travelling dresses should not be marked by bridal favors1 if the happy couple wish to avoid the curious scrutiny of strangers4 ,married people should never intrude family jars nor family devotion upon company4 ,husband and wife should be pleasant and affectionate in their demeanor1 with a show of reserve1 while in the presence of the world4 ,it is improper to say husband and wife1 in speaking of your companion to others4 ,use their title1 as ,mr4 or ,mrs4--that is1 to all but intimate friends4 ,especially1 do not introduce1 my wife1 or my husband4 ,caresses1 disagreements1 and significant glances betraying secret intelligence1 are all out of place in general company4 ,the honeymoon is a mythic time4 ,it is generally regarded as extending to the first six weeks1 during which period the young couple must give themselves up to receptions of friends1 to attending parties made in their honor1 etc4 ,the real honeymoon should last through life1 and will1 if the pair is properly mated4 ,therefore1 let the choice be made in no haste and passion and blindness1 but in deliberation and calm exercise of judgment4 ,,footnote3 ,a ,there is much preposterous stuff before the public1 in the way of books relating to love and its relations1 to marriage1 and to wedded life4 ,we look upon these works1 as a general thing1 as vicious in their nature1 because they excite passions and feelings and expectations of which no one needs to be specially informed2 while their detail of processes necessary to accomplish a wished for happy result are truly disgusting4 ,a person's own heart1 and the advice of some good sensible married friend1 are all sufficient for the necessary guidance of a man or woman designing marriage4 ,we propose1 in some future work1 to introduce this matter more fully to our readers1 in a series of papers especially addressed to young and to married folks4 ,we here give such general rules and observances as seem proper to be adverted to in a work on etiquette4 ,,respect ,,for ,,religion ,,and ,,for ,,old ,,age4 ,some young people seem to imagine that they are living in the age of ,voltaire1 and make a merit of skeptical and even atheistical opinions4 ,they laugh at the sacred character of the ministry1 and deride what is venerable and sacred4 ,this class is as deserving of contempt1 as it is avoided in truly good society4 ,impiety is no longer fashionable as it was in the days when an atheistical philosopher thought to make laws for the world1 and construe liberty into license to outrage every pious instinct4 ,a man who does not respect the religion of his fathers1 is incapable of knowing1 and therefore of applying1 the laws of good-breeding4 ,a young man who boasts his freedom of religious opinions1 is but confessing his own ignorance1 for his belief is1 in most cases1 the result of a perfect non-acquaintance with religious systems4 ,how many of our boasted free thinkers are men of pure lives and noble instincts8 ,another sin is its want of respect for women and for persons of advanced years4 ,a man of religious feeling holds himself bound to those duties1 in respect to old age1 that were observed in ancient times4 ,but the young men of whom we have been speaking make a parade of rudeness in the presence of an old man2 they pay him no more respect than if he were an unfledged youth of eighteen like themselves2 they smoke cigars under his nose2 scarcely deign to acknowledge him in the street2 and never are willing to remember that their father is or was an old man1 and that they will themselves grow old4 ,such respect neither their parents nor themselves4 ,diogenes declared himself to be a dog that he might have a right to indulge his cynical disposition4 ,so are these flippant theologians who have sunk to the same level4 ,one word as to the influence of religion upon the character of the young girl4 ,a religious course of training can alone impart to the feminine character that spirit of yielding gentleness which1 in domestic1 as in public life1 is the basis of politeness4 ,deprived of these qualities1 a woman would be unamiable in the family circle1 as well as in the world1 where1 in spite of her efforts to appear pleasing1 her bad education would inevitably display itself4 ,young ladies of this class1 if they do not go the length of impertinence1 have a dissatisfied air1 and indulge in the habit of criticising every thing with severity4 ,if married1 they quickly banish peace from the conjugal roof1 by their exactions and ill-humor4 ,they are not willing to make a single sacrifice for their husband's happiness2 quarrels and oppositions please them1 and the gentlest yoke becomes a heavy chain4 ,the husband thus situated may consider himself happy1 if his wife will condescend to occupy herself at all with domestic affairs1 and things so common as the concerns of the family4 ,an irreligious woman is as much to be abhorred as a drunken woman3 she is no longer fit to lead in society and to give tone to its morals2 she is not fit to be a mother2 for her children will surely be reckless and godless2 she is not a grace1 but a blot on her sex1 disliked even by men who profess to no religious conviction4 ,,specially ,,for ,,ladies4 ,what is becoming to one woman1 may be just the reverse to another1 and in such a case it is foolish to be the slave of fashion4 ,a tall1 elegant1 and well-formed figure requires a material that will exhibit and set off to advantage these charms4 ,velvet suits well a commanding figure which disdains light materials1 pale colors1 and trifling ornaments4 ,in vain will a new fashion proffer its pretty trinkets3 the woman who possesses this classical figure will disdain all such trifles4 ,her style of head-dress will be chaste2 diamond ornaments will sparkle on her bosom2 she is a queen1 and should wear the ornaments of royalty1 provided she can do so4 ,a young girl1 all grace and elegance1 will robe her sylph-like form in the most transparent of textures2 she will place a fresh garland on her charming brow4 ,every thing in her dress should correspond to the freshness of her smile1 to the sweetness of her expression4 ,we must1 moreover1 counsel our fair friends not to spoil their beauty by any act of their own4 ,to explain ourselves further3 ,we will suppose you to possess a beautiful face1 and you have every interest in preserving its regularity4 ,now mark3 ,if you experience the slightest opposition1 your features are not recognizable your forehead is wrinkled1 you are ten years older6 ,are you angry8 your nose contracts1 your upper lip is elongated1 your eyes are half covered by their lids2 you are frightfully ugly6 ,are you afraid8 your eyebrows are raised1 your mouth is half open1 and you look like a simpleton6 ,are you cold8 all your features are contracted1 every muscle of your face is in a state of tension1 your neck sinks between your shoulders1 you are hunch-backed2 consequently the blood1 less active in this semi-circular position1 makes you still colder than if you walked on boldly1 and you have further the advantage of looking like a little old man6 ,are you negligent in your dress1 careless in your habits1 idle and listless8 your face gradually assumes an expression of creticism1 which makes your eyes lose all their vivacity1 and your countenance its charms6 ,consult your mirror when you experience one of these feelings1 and you will hardly recognize yourself4 ,since ,god has given you an agreeable countenance1 do not deface his work--all the world will be gainers and yourself also4 ,alas6 what shall we say to those who have not been favored with a charming countenance8 ,in such a case there is almost always a compensation of ,nature's own providing4 ,you will observe that with unprepossessing features1 there is generally an elegant figure1 or a great deal of expression1 or lively wit1 that makes you forget that ,nature has been less bountiful than is her wont4 ,fanciful modes of dress suit the coquette2 she knows how to make use of them3 they are her counters4 ,she has the art of arranging tastefully even the folds of her dress4 ,her costume should be full of variety1 to be the reflection of her caprices4 ,,confidential ,,advice ,,to ,,young ,,men4 ,we have given such specific directions as have seemed to us necessary to form the gentleman4 ,in many cases it has been necessary to repeat admonitions in order to impress on the mind of the reader the propriety of certain special observances4 ,let this excuse what may1 at times1 appear to be a repetition or a tautology4 ,in this chapter we wish to address young men confidentially and candidly upon some of those habits and ways of life which serve to mold the character of the man to a considerable degree1 and1 hence1 are of vital importance in their relations to society and to individuals4 ,a young man who starts out in life without any settled purpose in mind1 is laboring at great disadvantage4 ,he will waste several years in useless and aimless endeavor to get along1 which he ought to have given up to settling and systematizing his life-occupation4 ,if he is to learn a trade1 let him resolve upon it at as early a moment as is practicable1 and once resolved upon1 let all his energies be devoted to his pursuit4 ,success will be sure to follow such an endeavor2 and the age of twenty-five will1 beyond a doubt1 if health does not fail1 find the young man a respected member of community1 an efficient workman earning a liberal living1 and well qualified to enter upon the business and responsibilities of wedded life4 ,if1 on the contrary1 the young man allows his majority to find him still deficient in a knowledge of the trade he knows he must or ought to follow1 it is almost a moral certainty that he never will attain to the efficiency1 the industry1 and self-reliance which1 otherwise1 must have marked him4 ,learn your trade1 then1 ere your majority comes2 and1 when once learned1 remember that1 ,through long days of labor1 ,and nights devoid of ease1 spring those blessings and rewards which almost inevitably follow upon endeavor rightly directed4 ,if you propose a commercial life1 let there be no hesitation in the decision2 but go at it bravely1 cheerfully1 persistently1 that your majority may find you enjoying the confidence of employers1 and on the high-road to your own independence4 ,remember1 solemnly remember1 that incorruptible honesty1 integrity unimpeachable1 virtue uncontaminated1 are the best riches the heart of man can ever attain--that wealth gained at a sacrifice of any of these qualities is a leprosy of gold which will cover the very soul with loathsomeness4 ,if the author of this chapter had a million of dollars to bestow1 it would be joyfully hurled into the sea1 to be lost forever1 if its possessorship could impair the virtue and moral excellence of its recipients4 ,view wealth1 as honorable only when honorably attained and rationally enjoyed2 and your life will be one which you1 your friends1 and your children will call blessed4 ,if you design a professional life1 it should be determined on before the years of school-life are ended1 that you may direct your studies and mold your thoughts into the most effective channels4 ,as in a commercial life1 remember that the key-stone of success lies in your honesty4 ,a man who enters upon the practice of the law1 or of medicine merely for gain1 is starting out with a bad principle1 which will not fail to produce bad results even though wealth be obtained2 for1 if purity of heart1 disinterestedness1 self-respect are all gone1 of what avail is money8 ,the veriest vagrant1 who comes honestly by his poverty1 is a nobler being than he who comes dishonorably by his wealth4 ,as has been said1 in previous pages1 gentility has much to do with success in life4 ,it opens a way for progress where no rudeness would avail--it unlocks sympathies1 awakens friendships1 commands confidences which are better than mortgages and bonds in our dealings with men2 and we therefore commend earnestly to your attention what we have said on previous pages in regard to the rules and observances of the good-breeding which indicates true gentility4 ,,cultivate ,a ,,taste ,,for ,,the ,,beautiful4 ,what is the beautiful8 ,it is what beautifies and graces life4 ,it is the antithesis of the real and practical4 ,it is the glory of life1 for it elevates the heart and mind into the contemplation of1 and sympathy with1 the ideal--the spiritual4 ,its language is the language of emotion2 it startles1 and thrills1 and stirs within us divine impulses4 ,it comforts life1 as the shower comforts the parched grass2 and penetrates into the very recesses of our being1 as the juices and fluids penetrate the arteries and pores of the plant4 ,there is so much practicality in our ,american life1 that we are in danger of growing sordid1 covetous1 unsympathetic1 unpoetical2 and our lives threaten to be as barren of beauty as the pile of unhewn marble1 out of which the glorious edifice can be built1 if only the hand of the master touches it1 and molds it into forms of unity and grace4 ,we want the hand of that master to seize our being1 to give it symmetry1 to develop its latent glories1 to prove its power for developing a fair humanity4 ,the ,master already is at the door6 ,in the cultivation of a taste for music1 flowers1 and home ornamentation1 for art and poetry1 for female purity and spiritual grace1 we find the means of a right development4 ,these are the messengers of the beautiful1 and by their guidance we approach the true shrine4 ,it is one of the most cheering signs of our civilization1 that a taste for music and art is fast spreading among all classes of the ,american people4 ,pictures and books are now found in houses where1 a few years since1 they were utter strangers1 and their introduction has caused such a delightful change6 ,that once hard repulsive room is now pleasant1 and grace sits at the door4 ,what has wrought the change4 ,a picture or two on the walls1 a carpet on the bare floor1 a fine book upon the table--these are the secret of the new order which reigns there4 ,and as the taste for these things expands1 there will be still more beauty around that house4 ,vines will creep over the door1 the yard will be turned into form and shape1 a piano will enter over the door-sill1 and send its wild echoes flying through all the rooms to make hearts beat with new emotions4 ,then must follow that intelligence which has the truest appreciation of life1 which sees something else in existence than the mere necessities of subsistence1 which finds in nature a language before dead1 or unmeaning4 ,a young man should lend himself to think and talk of art1 of music1 etc41 etc42 should visit picture galleries and libraries2 should attend good lectures and good concerts1 and thus to acquire a taste for such recreation1 to fill his mind with good thoughts1 and to start in his soul noble aspirations4 ,he who pursues this course1 and leaves to others the bar-room1 the billiard-room1 the race-course1 the club-room1 is as sure of a high reward1 as that intellect and virtue are above mere physical enjoyment and grossness4 ,without doubt1 the worst enemy of the young man is the drinking and smoking saloon4 ,while we make no pretensions to total abstinence in the use of spirits1 we still believe1 from a long experience and close observation1 that a bar-room resort is that fatal first step1 which starts the career of dissipation1 debauchery1 and crime4 ,the associations one meets there1 the whole moral atmosphere and presence1 are deadening to right principles1 destructive of right impressions4 ,beware of them1 ,o young man1 is the earnest admonition we have to give to him who peruses this little chapter4 ,a good antidote to the bad habit of frequenting these too-common places of resort1 is to seek the society of intelligent1 virtuous females2 to go out with them1 to sing with them1 read with them1 talk with them4 ,a true woman's influence is ennobling1 and she truly is the director of our race1 if we but allow her her real rights to our devotion and our trust4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,horseback ,,riding4 ,the very delightful recreation and exercise of riding on horseback is too little partaken of in these days of fast locomotion4 ,this is to be regretted1 for nothing is better calculated to develop the physical health and animal spirits1 nothing is more conducive to pleasure of a rational character1 than the ride on horseback upon every pleasant day4 ,the etiquette of such occasions is simple enough4 ,the lady should have the left1 that the skirt may be outside and not interfered with4 ,the gentleman should never be in advance of the lady1 but always a little in the rear1 yet constantly near enough for any emergency1 or for a chat4 ,the ceremony of mounting and dismounting is to be learned by practice2 no etiquette can teach it4 ,it is1 of course1 the gentleman's place to gallant the lady out1 taking her by her left hand1 as1 with her right1 she must support her skirt2 he must assist her to mount by holding the stirrup for her foot1 and by disposing of her skirt after she is seated4 ,the dress of the lady1 upon such occasions1 is not well understood1 by most of our ladies4 ,the ,english women ride very much1 both alone and accompanied1 on horseback2 sometimes even participating in the exciting and daring race of the hunt4 ,their dress is the result of four hundred years of experiment and experience1 and we therefore quote the following from a late work on the subject1 recently published in ,london3-- ,few ladies know how to dress for horse exercise1 although there has been a great improvement1 so far as taste has been concerned1 of late years4 ,as to the head-dress1 it may be whatever is in fashion1 provided it fits the head so as not to require continual adjustment1 often needed when the hands would be better employed with the reins and whip4 ,it should shade from the sun1 and1 if used in hunting1 protect the nape of the neck from rain4 ,the recent fashions of wearing the plumes or feathers of the ostrich1 the cock1 the capercailzie1 the pheasant1 the peacock1 and kingfisher1 in the riding-hats of young ladies1 in my humble opinion1 are highly to be commended4 ,as to the riding habit1 it may be of any color or material1 suitable to the wearer and season of the year1 but the sleeves must fit rather closely2 nothing can be more out of place1 inconvenient1 and ridiculous1 than the wide hanging sleeves which look so well in a drawing-room4 ,for country use1 the skirt of the habit may be short1 and bordered at the bottom a foot deep with leather4 ,the fashion of a waistcoat of light material for summer1 revived from the fashion of last century1 is a decided improvement2 and so is the over-jacket of cloth or seal-skin for rough weather4 ,it is the duty of every woman to dress in as becoming and attractive a manner as possible2 there is no reason why pretty young girls should not indulge in picturesque riding-costume1 so long as it is appropriate4 ,many ladies entirely spoil the 'set' of their dress skirts1 by retaining the usual impedimenta of petticoats4 ,the best horsewomen wear nothing more than a flannel chemise1 with long1 colored sleeves4 ,ladies trowsers should be of the same material and color as the habit2 and1 if full1 flowing like a ,turk's1 and fastened with an elastic band round the ankle1 they will not be distinguished from the skirt4 ,in this costume1 which may be made amply warm by the folds of the trowsers1 plaited like a ,highlander's kilt 7fastened with an elastic band at the waist71 a lady can sit down in a manner impossible for one encumbered by two or three short petticoats4 ,it is the chest and back that require double folds of protection during and after stormy exercise4 ,there is a prejudice against ladies wearing long ,wellington boots1 but it is quite absurd1 for they need never be seen1 and are a great comfort and protection in riding long distances1 when worn with trowsers tucked inside4 ,they should1 for obvious reasons1 be large enough for warm woolen stockings1 and easy to get on and off4 ,it would not look well to see a lady struggling out of a pair of wet boots1 with the help of a bootjack and a couple of chambermaids4 ,the heels of riding-boots1 whether for ladies or gentlemen1 should be low1 but long to keep the stirrup in its place4 ,,how ,,to ,,order ,a ,,home4--,,rules ,,for ,,home ,,conduct ,,and ,,family ,,etiquette4 ,as we have said1 all true politeness is founded in kindness and unselfishness4 ,nowhere is there a better chance for its better display than in the family circle4 ,here we may be certain that it springs from genuine goodness1 as there is nothing to be gained by its practice1 except the reward which comes from all well-doing4 ,we may say that in no place is there so much need of its exercise1 in order to keep the wheels of life running smoothly2 for family jars1 as they are laughingly called1 are very apt to occur1 unless the oil of kindness is used to subdue the friction4 ,children should always show their parents that respect and tenderness which is their due4 ,even where they may consider that they have been unjustly dealt with1 it is well for them to remember their own inexperience1 that1 possibly1 their judgment may not be as perfect as they now believe it to be2 and that1 at all events1 the love and care bestowed upon them1 in the helpless days of their childhood1 entitle their parents to regard and consideration4 ,for children to place their parents in a ridiculous light before others1 mocking their defects1 or appearing too conscious of their old-fashioned manners1 is only a proof of their own weakness1 and will lessen them in the esteem of any amiable person4 ,for children to assume the most comfortable chairs1 the most conspicuous places1 or1 in any way1 to intrude themselves first1 to the neglect of then parents1 is a very grave fault4 ,it is desirable to take the first step in the courtesies of the day1 which engender so much pleasant feeling1 by meeting the different members of the family with a cheerful ,good-morning4 ,it is highly desirable that1 at table1 the same rules of precedence1 the same moderation and nicety be observed which would be practiced if guests were present4 ,fixed habits of politeness will only be attained where they are cultivated at home4 ,no scrambling1 haste1 untidiness1 or noise should be allowed among the younger members of the circle4 ,they should be made to wait quietly until their elders are served1 to eat without unseemly greediness1 and drink without labored breathing or spasmodic sounds4 ,if early trained to propriety1 it will not be necessary to banish them from the table every time that company is present4 ,such banishment will tend to make them awkward and lacking in self-possession2 though1 of course1 well-governed children will wait cheerfully when there is necessity for it4 ,a pleasant thank you1 or ,i'm obliged to you1 spoken by one sister to another1 to a brother1 or a mother1 for a favor conferred1 will last1 even in a selfish point of view2 for it will increase the disposition to be kind1 and will lighten the burden of any little service unmistakably4 ,children should never press around a visitor with the question1 ,how long are you going to stay8 nor around a relative or parent1 returned from an absence1 with1 ,what have you brought me8 ,did you bring me any thing pretty8 ,if they have reason to expect a present1 let them refrain from alluding to it1 lest the friend should suspect they thought more of the gift than of welcoming the giver4 ,if a new member enters the family1 as the bride of a brother1 or the husband of a sister1 true good-breeding can never appear to better advantage1 than in the kind reception and treatment of the new-comer4 ,ideas and habits in such an one1 differing from those of the circle into which he or she may have come1 should not be too severely criticised2 for1 it should be remembered1 they have probably been differently educated4 ,even faults should be as charitably viewed as possible2 and where respect and love are impossible1 it is still best for those who must dwell together1 to exercise ,christian forbearance1 and not forget such courtesies as the case admits of4 ,if you have invited guests1 forget your own pleasure in consulting theirs2 never do or say a rude thing to a guest4 ,many a jest1 sarcasm1 inattention1 or slight1 which would be excusable anywhere else1 becomes a rudeness if it happens under your own roof to a person calling upon or visiting you4 ,even in a friendly argument1 be careful not to forget yourself1 and take sides too warmly against your opponent1 if he be also your visitor or guest4 ,if you have extended a special invitation to a friend at a distance to come and remain with you for a time1 if the friend be a lady1 and arrives by any public conveyance1 have yourself1 your carriage1 or some messenger at the spot of arrival to conduct her to your residence4 ,the house should be in good order1 that she may not feel disconcerted1 nor that she is an intruder4 ,have all things prepared to give her a cheerful welcome4 ,let her not suffer from the neglect to provide for her comfort those things which she would not like to be compelled to ask for4 ,her room should be well supplied with the means of bathing and refreshing herself1 and for arranging her toilet4 ,the bureau should have empty drawers for the accommodation of her muslins1 and the closet empty pegs for the reception of her dresses4 ,she should be consulted as to the kind of bed she prefers1 and allowed to retire early1 the first evening1 if fatigued with her journey4 ,as some people are in the habit of sleeping under more covering than others1 there should be a certainty of plenty1 especially if the weather be chilly or changeable4 ,she should be made to feel welcome1 and be honored by such civilities as will please her4 ,if she is fond of company1 and expects to be introduced to your circle of friends1 you should apprise your friends in advance of her visit1 that they may call upon her after her arrival4 ,the table should be neat and furnished with suitable dishes4 ,of course1 your means and habits1 will influence the amount of expense and trouble you can afford to go to2 what we mean is1 that a guest should not be left to feel neglected or uncared for4 ,we have said lady1 in speaking of the visitor2 but the same rules will be observed toward guests of the other sex2 only they are not usually so much in the house1 do not absorb so much of your time1 nor require so much company4 ,the gentleman of the house will see that his friend is amused and cared for when out with him during those hours not usually spent at home4 ,do not allow your children to be troublesome to visitors2 to climb upon them1 soil their dresses with their fingers1 handle their jewelry and ornaments1 ask annoying questions1 nor intrude themselves into their private apartments at unseasonable hours2 nor ever1 without first knocking and waiting to be bidden to come in4 ,do not1 yourself1 intrude without knocking2 nor allow your servants to do so4 ,to permit children to ask visitors for money1 or for articles in their possession1 which the children may admire1 is extremely out of place4 ,to permit children to follow company about1 never giving them a moment of retirement1 standing by while they make their toilet1 and at all times and seasons1 is not only annoying1 but is vulgar4 ,if you have invited a friend or friends to tea1 have every thing in readiness by the earliest hour at which they may be expected4 ,do not let them find fires just lighted1 yourself not dressed1 nor other evidences that they have arrived too soon4 ,usually guests--especially ladies--will desire to lay aside their outer garments in some dressing-room1 where they can give a glance at their hair1 or arrange their dress1 before being ushered into the parlor4 ,if you have asked a gentleman friend1 whom you knew has just come from his place of business1 give him an opportunity of bathing his face and hands1 and brushing his hair4 ,there are many little attentions to the entertainment and comfort of others which will not be wanting where the will is good and the heart sincere4 ,try to make all feel at ease and happy in your house4 ,while every attention is counseled to be shown to guests1 let it not be supposed that show and seeming1 to keep up appearances before others1 is what is sought4 ,the inmates of the same house should endeavor to be agreeable to one another4 ,no outside admiration can compensate for the want of love and respect at home4 ,gross neglect of attire1 unseemly morning apparel1 uncombed hair1 and total neglect of those little arts and charms which make the female portion of the household so much more lovable1 are inexcusable4 ,we should bear in mind that the love of friends is worth more than the flattery of strangers4 ,only absolute ill-health1 or great stress of employment1 can excuse slovenly appearances at any hour of the day1 in any member of the family4 ,the table should always be laid with a certain degree of care4 ,dishes should not be huddled on1 nor dirty table-linen allowed1 because there is no company to criticise4 ,this will be one of the surest tests of the refinement of a family4 ,the birthdays of the different members should be honored with good wishes2 and gifts1 however trifling1 if affectionately given1 help to keep up that kindly feeling which is the life of the social circle4 ,it is well to have a few feast-days in the course of the year4 ,life was not made entirely for labor2 and an occasional holiday is a bright spot for children to look back to when they are no longer children4 ,this is only a hint--we would not assert it to be etiquette4 ,while children should honor their parents1 parents should never seek to humiliate or degrade their children4 ,it is bad policy to assert to a child1 ,you were always bad1 ,there is no good in you1 ,you are a liar1 or1 ,you have disgraced yourself beyond forgiveness4 ,teach your children to respect your moderation1 if you wish them to govern their passions4 ,teach them to respect themselves1 if you wish them to possess any manliness or sense of honor4 ,never scold4 ,administer reproof in a calm manner2 it will be much more effective1 while it will not fail to preserve the respect of your servants and children much more successfully and satisfactorily than the harsher course4 ,if visitors call when it is impossible or very inconvenient for you to see them1 do not be afraid to send word that you are engaged4 ,they have no right to be offended4 ,better far to tell the truth than to send the false and silly message1 that you are not at home4 ,,cards ,,of ,,invitation1 ,,wedding ,,cards1 ,,etc4 ,in inviting persons to an evening party1 the form is3 ,mrs4 ,e4 would be pleased to see ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d4 at her house1 on ,thursday evening2 or1 ,mrs4 ,e4's compliments to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d41 for ,thursday evening2 or1 ,mrs4 ,e4 at home on ,thursday evening2 addressing the envelope to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d4 ,if to a dinner-party1 the form is much the same1 only the hour is added1 thus3 ,mrs4 ,e4 at home ,thursday evening4 ,dinner at six o'clock4 ,in case the hour is named1 the guest commits a great discourtesy in not being on hand at that hour precisely4 ,if a dance is proposed1 it is proper to word the invitation1 so as to inform the invited of the fact1 thus3 ,mrs4 ,e4's compliments for ,thursday evening1 to music and dancing2 or1 ,mrs4 ,e4 will be pleased to see her friends1 ,thursday1 at #h ,p4 ,m41 to a dance4 ,when it is a public ball1 or a stated soiree1 the form of invitation is more formal3 ,your company is solicited to a ball 7or soiree1 or party dansante71 to be given at the ,metropolitan ,rooms1 on the evening of ,thursday1 ,dec4 #ajth1 #ahfj4 ,then follow the names of the managing committee4 ,this invitation should always be sent at least one week beforehand1 in order to give ladies time to prepare their dresses4 ,if it is impossible from sickness1 or otherwise1 to accept an invitation to a private party1 an excuse1 or declination1 should invariably be sent in on the day prior to the party1 that the lady of the house may be advised as to who is coming and who is not4 ,this is a rule too little observed1 but a really necessary one1 to be made the study of all to practice4 ,for a gentleman not to attend a party1 after having received an invitation1 and to send in no excuse for absence1 is to be construed into a designed cut1 or as an evidence of ignorance4 ,in many cases--particularly in cities--the rule is to send in notes of acceptance of invitation2 but this is a superfluous ceremony1 when it is understood that silence gives consent4 ,the form of a declination of invitation is3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d4 regret their inability to attend upon ,mrs4 ,e4's invitation for ,thursday evening4 ,or1 when a good excuse is desirable1 say3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d4 greatly regret that sickness 7or other and prior engagements7 will prevent their acceptance of ,mrs4 ,e4's kind invitation for ,thursday evening4 ,in all cases of invitations or declinations1 the date of writing should be placed on the left hand1 below4 ,a plain1 satin surfaced note paper1 should be used1 and the note should be inclosed in an envelope prepared for note paper1 and be directed simply3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,d4--,present2 and if sons and daughters are invited out of the same household1 separate invitations should be sent to each4 ,if a person is worth inviting at all1 it is but proper that a whole note should be inclosed4 ,in case of husband and wife1 as the law pronounces them one1 a single note will serve for both4 ,for visiting cards1 the custom changes often4 ,sometimes it is a glazed card1 sometimes not2 sometimes a large one1 sometimes a small one2 sometimes with silvered edges1 sometimes with golden border2 sometimes with printed inscription1 sometimes engraved1 sometimes written in pencil4 ,any person designing to get up a set of visiting or wedding cards1 should consult a good engraver2 or1 if no such person is near1 should obtain from some friend1 just from the ,metropolis1 the style4 ,the usual form for visiting cards1 is simply the name1 no address being1 given1 as that belongs to business4 ,for wedding cards1 the style now in vogue is two cards in one envelop1 one inscribed with the lady's maiden name1 the other with the name of husband and wife1 thus3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,dean4 ,if these are sent out before the wedding1 and are designed as invitations to the ceremony1 there is added to the last-named card the words3 ,at home1 ,thursday morning1 at ten o'clock2 or1 as the case may be1 in the evening2 or1 if at church1 say3 ,at ,st4 ,john's ,church1 at #aj ,a4 ,m41 ,thursday4 ,letters of introduction have before been referred to4 ,they should say3 ,the bearer1 ,mr4 ,horatio ,green1 is solicitous of your acquaintance 7or friendship1 or advice1 or good offices1 as the case may be71 and ,i take pleasure in commending him to your favorable attention4 ,in the envelope1 along with the introductory note1 should be the card of the person introduced4 ,neither letters of introduction1 nor cards of invitation1 should be sealed1 except they must be transmitted by mail1 in which case reinclose the whole in another envelope for the mail4 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book1 ,,no4 #a4 ,all's for the ,best1 ,annie ,laurie1 ,a ,national ,song1 ,answer to a ,thousand a ,year1 ,answer to ,kate ,kearney1 ,a ,thousand a ,year1 ,belle ,brandon1 ,ben ,bolt1 ,blind ,orphan ,boy's ,lament1 ,bob ,ridley1 ,bold ,privateer1 ,do ,they ,miss me at ,home8 ,don't be ,angry1 ,mother1 ,down the ,river1 ,e ,pluribus ,unum1 ,evening ,star1 ,faded ,flowers1 ,gentle ,annie1 ,gentle ,jenny ,gray1 ,glad to ,get ,home1 ,hard ,times1 ,have ,you ,seen my ,sister1 ,heather ,dale1 ,home ,again1 ,i am not ,angry1 ,i ,want to ,go ,home1 ,juney at the ,gate1 ,kate ,kearney1 ,kiss me ,quick and ,go1 ,kitty ,clyde1 ,little ,blacksmith1 ,my ,home in ,kentuck1 ,my ,own ,native ,land1 ,nelly ,gray1 ,nelly was a ,lady1 ,old ,dog ,tray1 ,our ,mary ,ann1 ,over the ,mountain1 ,poor ,old ,slave1 ,red1 ,white1 and ,blue1 ,root1 ,hog1 or ,die1 ,root1 ,hog1 or ,die1 ,no4 #b1 ,root1 ,hog1 or ,die1 ,no4 #c1 ,root1 ,hog1 or ,die1 ,no4 #d1 ,row1 ,row1 ,shells of the ,ocean1 ,song of the ,sexton1 ,star-,spangled ,banner1 ,the ,age of ,progress1 ,the ,dying ,californian1 ,the ,hills of ,new ,england1 ,the ,lake-,side ,shore1 ,the ,miller of the ,dee1 ,the ,marseilles ,hymn1 ,the ,old ,folks we ,loved ,long ,ago1 ,the ,old ,farm-,house1 ,the ,old ,play-,ground1 ,the ,rock of ,liberty1 ,the ,sword of ,bunker ,hill1 ,the ,tempest1 ,there's a ,good ,time ,coming1 ,twenty ,years ,ago1 ,twinkling ,stars1 ,uncle ,sam's ,farm1 ,unfurl the ,glorious ,banner1 ,wait for the ,wagon1 ,willie1 we have ,miss'd ,you1 ,willie'll ,roam no ,more4 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book1 ,,no4 #b4 ,alice ,gray1 ,america1 ,banks of the ,old ,mohawk1 ,be ,kind to ,each ,other1 ,billy ,grimes the ,rover1 ,bryan ,o',lynn1 ,come ,sit ,thee ,down1 ,cora ,lee1 ,crazy ,jane1 ,darling ,nelly ,moore1 ,darling ,old ,stick1 ,fireman's ,victory1 ,good ,news from ,home1 ,good-,night1 ,grave of ,lilly ,dale1 ,graves of a ,household1 ,home1 ,sweet ,home1 ,i have no ,mother ,now1 ,i'm leaving ,thee in ,sorrow1 ,annie1 ,i miss ,thee so1 ,i ,shouldn't like to ,tell1 ,i ,wandered by the ,brook-,side1 ,katy ,darling1 ,kathleen ,mavourneen1 ,little ,katy2 or1 ,hot ,corn1 ,mary of the ,wild ,moor1 ,mable ,clare1 ,mary ,alleen1 ,mill ,may1 ,minnie ,moore1 ,minnie ,dear1 ,mrs4 ,lofty and ,i1 ,mr4 ,finagan1 ,my ,eye and ,betty ,martin1 ,my ,love is a ,saileur ,boy1 ,my ,mother ,dear1 ,my ,grandmother's ,advice1 ,my ,mother's ,bible1 ,new ,england1 ,oh6 ,i'm ,going ,home1 ,oh6 ,scorn not thy ,brother1 ,o6 the ,sea1 the ,sea1 ,old ,sideling ,hill1 ,our ,boyhood ,days1 ,our ,father ,land1 ,peter ,gray1 ,rory ,o',more1 ,somebody's waiting for ,somebody1 ,the ,farmer ,sat in his ,easy ,chair1 ,the ,farmer's ,boy1 ,the ,irishman's ,shanty1 ,the ,old ,folks are ,gone1 ,the ,post-,boy's ,song1 ,the ,quilting ,party1 ,three ,bells1 ',tis ,home where the ,heart is1 ,waiting for the ,may1 ,we ,stand ,here ,united1 ,what other ,name than ,thine1 ,mother8 ,where the ,bright ,waves are ,dashing1 ,what is ,home without a ,mother1 ,widow ,machree1 ,willie's on the ,dark ,blue ,sea1 ,winter--,sleigh-,bell ,song1 ,nancy ,bell2 or1 ,old ,pine ,tree4 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book1 ,,no4 #c4 ,annie1 ,dear1 ,good-by1 ,a ,sailor's ,life for ,me1 ,bessy was a ,sailor's ,bride1 ,bonny ,jean1 ,comic ,katy ,darling1 ,comic ,parody1 ,darling ,jenny ,bell1 ,darling ,rosabel1 ,death of ,annie ,laurie1 ,ettie ,may1 ,few ,days1 ,give 'em ,string and let 'em ,went1 ,go it while ,you're ,young1 ,hail ,columbia1 ,happy ,hezekiah1 ,i'd ,choose to be a ,daisy1 ,i have ,something ,sweet to ,tell ,you1 ,isle of ,beauty1 ,i ,think of ,old ,ireland wherever ,i ,go1 ,jeannette and ,jeannot1 ,john ,jones1 ,jordan is a ,hard ,road to ,travel1 ,kitty ,kimo1 ,lather and ,shave1 ,lager ,bier ,song1 ,linda has ,departed1 ,lillie ,bell1 ,love ,not1 ,man the ,life-,boat1 ,my ,dear ,old ,mother1 ,my ,girl with a ,calico ,dress1 ,my ,heart's in ,old ,ireland1 ,my ,poor ,dog ,tray1 ,old ,rosin the ,bow1 ,over the ,left1 ,old ,dog ,tray1 ,no4 #b4 ,parody on the ,west1 ,pop ,goes the ,weasel1 ,pretty ,jane1 ,rosa ,lee1 ,song of the ,locomotive1 ,sparking ,sarah ,jane1 ,the ,american ,girl1 ,the ,american ,boy1 ,the ,boys of ,kilkenny1 ,the ,emigrant's ,farewell1 ,the ,fine ,old ,english ,gentleman1 ,the ,fine ,old ,irish ,gentleman1 ,the ,fine ,old ,dutchman1 ,the ,fireman's ,death1 ,the ,fireman's ,boy1 ,the ,girl ,i ,left behind ,me1 ,the ,gold-,digger's ,lament1 ,the ,indian ,hunter1 ,the ,old ,oaken ,bucket1 ,the ,old ,whiskey ,jug1 ,the ,other ,side of ,jordan1 ,the ,pirate's ,serenade1 ,the ,yellow ,rose of ,texas1 ,ten ,o',clock1 or1 ,remember1 ,love1 ,remember1 ,tilda ,horn1 ,true ,blue1 ,to the ,west1 ,uncle ,ned1 ,unhappy ,jeremiah1 ,vilkins and his ,dinah1 ,we ,miss ,thee at ,home1 ,what ,will ,mrs4 ,grundy ,say8 ,woodman1 ,spare that ,tree4 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book1 ,no4 #d ,ain't ,i ,glad to get out of the ,wilderness1 ,a ,national ,song1 ,answer to ,katy ,darling1 ,a ,merry ,gipsy ,girl again1 ,a ,parody on ,uncle ,sam's ,farm1 ,ben ,fisher and ,wife1 ,bonnie ,jamie1 ,broken-,hearted ,tom1 the ,lover1 ,by the ,sad ,sea-,waves1 ,columbia ,rules the ,sea1 ,come1 ,gang awa' wi' ,me1 ,commence you ,darkies all1 ,cottage by the ,sea1 ,daylight is on the ,sea1 ,don't you cry so1 ,norah1 ,darling1 ,erin is my ,home1 ,gal from the ,south1 ,he ,led ,her to the ,altar1 ,home1 ,sweet ,home1 ,i am a ,freeman1 ,i'll hang my ,harp on a ,willow-,tree1 ,i'm not ,myself at all1 ,indian ,hunter1 ,i've been ,roaming o'er the ,prairie1 ,i ,wish ,he would ,decide1 ,mamma1 ,jane ,monroe1 ,johnny is ,gone for a ,soldier1 ,jolly ,jack the ,rover1 ,kate was once a little ,girl1 ,kitty ,tyrrel1 ,let ,me ,kiss ,him for his ,mother1 ,linda's ,gone to ,baltimore1 ,maud ,adair1 and ,i1 ,molly ,bawn1 ,my ain ,fireside1 ,my ,boyhood's ,home1 ,nora1 the ,pride of ,kildare1 ,o1 ,god6 ,preserve the ,mariner1 ,oh1 ,kiss1 but never tell1 ,old ,uncle ,edward1 ,paddy on the ,canal1 ,poor old ,maids1 ,ship ,a-,hoy6 ,somebody's ,courting ,somebody1 ,song of the ,farmer1 ,song of ,blanche ,alpen1 ,sparking ,sunday ,night1 ,sprig of ,shilleleh1 ,stand by the ,flag1 ,the ,farmer's ,boy1 ,the ,hazel ,dell1 ,the ,harp that once ,through ,tara's ,hall1 ,the ,indian ,warrior's ,grave1 ,the ,little ,low ,room where ,i ,courted my ,wife1 ,the ,low ,backed ,car1 ,the ,old ,brown ,cot1 ,the ,old ,kirk-,yard1 ,the ,railroad ,engineer's ,song1 ,they don't wish ,me at ,home1 ,tom ,brown1 ,terry ,o',reilly1 ,uncle ,gabriel1 ,uncle ,tim the ,toper1 ,we were ,boys and ,girls together1 ,we are ,growing ,old together1 ,we are all so ,fond of ,kissing1 ,where are now the ,hopes ,i ,cherished8 ,within a ,mile of ,edinburgh ,town1 ,would ,i were a ,boy again1 ,would ,i were a ,girl again1 ,would ,i were with ,thee4 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book4 ,,no4 #e4 ,a ,dollar or ,two1 ,a ,man's a ,man for a' ,that1 ,angel's ,whisper1 ,auld ,lang ,syne1 ,a ,yankee ,ship1 and a ,yankee ,crew1 ,bashful ,young ,man1 ,call ,me ,pet ,names1 ,camptown ,races1 ,charity1 ,cheer1 ,boys1 ,cheer1 ,comin' ,thro' the ,rye1 ,der mot ,astore1 ,dilla ,burn1 ,down the ,burn1 ,davy1 ,love1 ,dumbarton's ,bonnie ,dell1 ,ever of ,thee1 ,gum-,tree ,canoe1 ,hark6 ,i hear an ,angel ,sing1 ,i'd ,offer ,thee this ,hand of ,mine1 ,in the ,days when ,i ,was ,hard ,up1 ,john ,anderson1 my ,jo1 ,john1 ,johnny was a ,shoemaker1 ,kind ,relations1 ,last ,week ,i took a ,wife1 ,mary of ,argyle1 ,meet ,me by ,moonlight1 ,napolitaine1 ,norah ,m',shane1 ,nothing ,else to ,do1 ,och6 ,paddy1 is it ,yerself8 ,oft in the ,stilly ,night1 ,roll on ,silver ,moon1 ,sambo1 ,i have ,miss'd ,you1 ,sammy ,slap1 the ,bill-,sticker1 ,simon the ,cellarer1 ,something to ,love ,me1 ,some ,love to ,drink1 ,sourkrout and ,sausages1 ,still so ,gently o'er ,me ,stealing ,the ,gay ,cavalier1 ,the ,gambler's ,wife1 ,the ,grave of ,uncle ,true1 ,the ,grave of ,bonaparte1 ,the ,ingle ,side1 ,the ,irish ,emigrant's ,lament1 ,the ,ivy ,green1 ,the ,lass that ,loves a ,sailor1 ,the ,last ,rose of ,summer1 ,the ,lily of the ,west1 ,the ,minute ,gun at ,sea1 ,the ,monks of ,old1 ,the ,musical ,wife1 ,the ,ocean ,burial1 ,the ,old ,arm-,chair1 ,the ,poor ,little ,fisherman's ,girl1 ,the ,rat-catcher's ,daughter1 ,the ,rose of ,allendale1 ,the ,tail iv ,me ,coat1 ,the ,watcher1 ,thou art ,gone from my ,gaze1 ,thou hast ,wounded the ,spirit1 ',tis ,midnight ,hour1 ,twilight ,dews1 ,umbrella ,courtship1 ,wake6 ,dinah1 ,wake6 ,washington1 ,star of the ,west1 ,we'll have a little ,dance ,to-,night1 ,boys1 ,we ,met by ,chance1 ,when ,i ,saw ,sweet ,nelly ,home1 ,when the ,swallows ,homeward ,fly1 ,whoop de ,doodle do1 ,william of the ,ferry1 ,will ,you ,love ,me ,then as ,now8 ,,contents ,,of ,beadle's ,dime ,song ,book1 ,,no4 #f4 ,annie ,lisle1 ,beautiful ,world1 ,be ,kind to the ,loved ,ones1 ,bobbin' ,around1 ,bonnie ,dundee1 ,courting in ,connecticut1 ,dearest ,mae1 ,dear ,mother1 ,i'll ,come again1 ,ella ,ree1 ,fairy ,dell1 ,far1 far upon the ,sea1 ,gentle ,hallie1 ,gentle ,nettie ,moore1 ,happy are we ,to-night1 ,hattie ,lee1 ,he ,doeth ,all ,things ,well1 ,i can not ,call her ,mother1 ,i'll ,paddle my own ,canoe1 ,i'm ,standing by thy ,grave1 ,mother1 ,is it ,anybody's ,business8 ,jane ,o',malley1 ,jenny ,lane1 ,joanna ,snow1 ,johnny ,sands1 ,lilly ,dale1 ,little more ,cider1 ,lulu is our ,darling ,pride1 ,marion ,lee1 ,meet me by the ,running ,brook1 ,minnie ,clyde1 ,not for ,gold1 ,not ,married ,yet1 ,oh1 carry me ,home to ,die1 ,oh6 ,silber ,shining ,moon1 ,oh6 ,spare the ,old ,homestead1 ,old ,homestead1 ,ossian's ,serenade1 ,over the ,river1 ,riding on a ,rail1 ,sailor ,boy's ,last ,dream1 ,say ,yes1 ,pussy1 ,spirit ,voice of ,belle ,brandon1 ,squire ,jones's ,daughter1 ,the ,bloom is on the ,rye1 ,the ,blue ,junietta1 ,the ,carrier ,dove1 ,the ,child's ,wish1 ,the ,cottage of my ,mother1 ,the ,female ,auctioneer1 ,the ,irish ,jaunting ,car1 ,the ,lords of ,creation shall ,woman obey1 ,the ,maniac1 ,the ,merry ,sleigh-,ride1 ,the ,miller's ,maid1 ,the ,modern ,belle1 ,the ,mountaineer's ,farewell1 ,the ,old ,mountain ,tree1 ,the ,strawberry ,girl1 ,the ,snow ,storm1 ,the ,song my ,mother used to ,sing1 ,three ,grains of ,corn1 ,washington's ,grave4 ,what is ,home without a ,sister1 ,where are the ,friends8 ,why ,chime the ,bells so ,merrily8 ,why don't the ,men propose8 ,will ,nobody ,marry ,me8 ,young ,recruit4 #bj ,worth of ,music for ,ten ,cents6 ,,beadle',s ,,dime ,,melodist1 ,,comprising ,,the ,,music ,,and ,,words4 ,,contents3 ,a ,hundred ,years ,ago1 ,a ,lowly ,youth1 ,anna ,bell1 ,annie ,lowe1 ,be ,quiet do1 ,i'll ,call my ,mother1 ,bime1 ,bome ,bell1 ,bonny ,eloise1 ,carry ,me ,home to ,tennessee1 ,ettie ,may1 ,far on the ,deep ,blue ,sea1 ,fare ,thee well1 ,katy ,dear1 ,forgive but don't ,forget1 ,hope on1 ,hope ,ever1 ,i had a ,gentle ,mother1 ,i'll ,dream of ,thee no ,more1 ,in the ,wild ,chamois' ,track1 ,keemo ,kimo1 ,jennie with her ,bonnie ,blue ,e'e1 ,love ,me little1 ,love ,me long1 ,marion ,lee1 ,mary of ,lake ,enon1 ,mary of the ,glen1 ,mother1 ,sweet ,mother1 why ,linger ,away8 ,my ,soul in one unbroken ,sigh1 ,oft in the ,stilly ,night1 ,oh1 my ,love he is a ,salieur1 ,oh1 ,whisper what ,thou ,feelest1 ,old ,josey1 ,once upon a ,time1 ,one ,cheering ,word1 ,one ,parting ,song1 and then ,farewell1 ,poor ,thomas ,day1 ,pretty ,nelly1 ,round for ,three ,voices1 ,scenes that are ,brightest1 ,sleeping ,i ,dreamed1 ,love1 ,softly ye ,night ,winds1 ,some ,one to ,love1 ,strike the ,light ,guitar1 ,swinging1 ,swinging all ,day ,long1 ',tis ,pleasant to be ,young1 ',tis the ,witching ,hour of ,love1 ,the ,dearest ,spot of ,earth1 ,the ,female ,smuggler1 ,the ,good-by at the ,door1 ,the ,hazel ,dell1 ,the ,leaves that ,fall in ,spring1 ,the ,low-,backed ,car1 ,the ,mother's ,smile1 ,the ,old ,folks are ,gone1 ,the ,winds that ,waft my ,sighs to ,thee1 ,there is a ,flower that ,bloometh1 ,there is ,darkness on the ,mountain1 ,thou art ,mine own1 ,love1 ,where is ,home8 ,why do ,i ,weep for ,thee8 ,widow ,machree1 ,wild ,tiadatton1 ,winsome ,winnie1 ,work1 ,work1 ,yes1 let ,me like a ,soldier ,die4 ,,stodart ,,piano ,,fortes4 ,illustration ,,stodart ,,morris1 ,no4 #eja ,broadway1 ,new-,york1 ,,manufacturers ,,of ,,the ,,celebrated ,,stodart ,,piano ,,fortes6 ,square1 ,grand and ,picolo1 or ,cottage ,piano ,fortes in ,plain and ,ornamental ,cases4 ,in addition to the peculiar merits that have won for these instruments their enviable reputation1 they comprise all the ,,modern ,,improvements1 possessing any real merit4 ,,for ,,purity ,,of ,,tone1 ,,delicacy ,,of ,,touch1 ,,durability1 and their capacity for enduring the ravages of severe climates1 the ,,stodart ,,piano ,,forte stands unrivalled4 ,the ,pianos of the above manufacture have stood the test of more than a quarter of a century4 ,for the superiority of these celebrated instruments1 the manufacturers are at liberty to refer to over ,,fifteen ,,thousand families who have them in use1 and in nearly every part of the civilized world4 ,parties abroad favoring us with their orders1 can rely upon being as well served1 as if they were to make a selection themselves1 and at modest prices and satisfactory terms4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's note3 ,page iii1 advice changed to advise 7as will advise the reader7 ,page iii1 advise changed to advice 7if our advice is followed7 ,page iv1 #e changed to iii to match actual location of ,introduction in text4 ,page #ag1 word do added to text 7know what to do7 ,page #be1 ,perfec changed to ,perfect 7,perfect cleanliness in7 ,page #bi1 use changed to uses 7correspondent uses improper7 ,page #cj1 do changed to don't 7don't make him feel7 ,page #cj1 to changed to from 7from every man of7 ,page #ej1 permissable changed to permissible 7of attention permissible7 ,page #fg1 himself to herself 7and refreshing herself7 ,page #ge1 wherever had been split across two lines as where- -ever4 ,when the word was rejoined1 the extraneous e was removed4 7,i ,think of ,old ,ireland wherever ,i ,go7