,,the ,,comic ,,english ,,grammar4 ,,london3 ,,printed ,,by ,,samuel ,,bentley1 ,bangor ,house1 ,shoe ,lane4 ,illustration ,,the ,,comic ,,english ,,grammar2 ,a ,,new ,,and ,,facetious ,introduction to the ,english ,tongue4 ,,by ,,the ,,author ,,of ,,the ,,comic ,,latin ,,grammar4 ,,embellished ,,with ,,upwards ,,of ,,fifty ,,characteristic ,,illustrations ,,by ,j4 ,,leech4 ,,london3 ,,richard ,,bentley1 ,,new ,,burlington ,,street4 #ahdj4 ,,to ,,mr4 ,,george ,,robins1 ,a ,writer unrivalled in this or any other ,age for ,,an ,,originality ,,of ,,style1 7if the expression may be pardoned7 quite unique1 and a ,dexterity in the ,,use ,,of ,,metaphor unparalleled2 whose multifarious and sublime--it would not be too much to say talented--,,compositions would1 it may be fearlessly asserted1 afford any ,,enterprising ,,publisher a not-every-day-to-be-met-with1 and not in-a-hurry-to-be-relinquished opportunity for an ,,eligible ,,investment ,,of ,,capital1 forming a ,property which1 under judicious management1 would soon become entitled to the well-merited appellation of a ,,princely ,,domain6 which1 without exciting a blush in the mind of veracity1 might be said 7in a literary point of view7 to be fertilised by a meandering rivulet of ,poetry1 comparable for ,beauty and ,picturesque ,effect to ,,the ,,silvery ,,stream ,,of ,,the ,,isis2 whose richness 7equalled only by his fidelity7 of description1 presenting a refreshing contrast to the style of his various compeers1 precludes the attempt to perpetrate a panegyric1 otherwise than by assuming the responsibility and risk of applying to him the words of our ,,immortal ,,bard3 8,take him for all in all ,we ne'er shall see his like again40 ,this little ,treatise on ,,comic ,,english is1 with the most profound ,,veneration1 ,,admiration1 nay1 even with ,,respect 7and the term is used 8advisedly07 humbly dedicated by ,,his ,,most ,,obliged ,,and ,,most ,,obedient ,,servant1 ,,the ,,author4 ,,preface4 ,it may be considered a strange wish on the part of an ,author1 to have his preface compared to a donkey's gallop4 ,we are nevertheless desirous that our own should be considered both short and sweet4 ,for our part1 indeed1 we would have every preface as short as an orator's cough1 to which1 in purpose1 it is so nearly like2 but ,fashion requires1 and like the rest of her sex1 requires because she requires1 that before a writer begins the business of his book1 he should give an account to the world of his reasons for producing it2 and therefore1 to avoid singularity1 we shall proceed with the statement of our own1 excepting only a few private ones1 which are neither here nor there4 ,to advance the interests of mankind by promoting the cause of ,education2 to ameliorate the conversation of the masses2 to cultivate ,taste1 and diffuse ,refinement2 these are the objects which we have in view in submitting a ,comic ,english ,grammar to the patronage of a discerning ,public4 ,nor have we been actuated by philanthropic motives alone1 but also by a regard to ,patriotism1 which1 as it has been pronounced on high authority to be the last refuge of a scoundrel1 must necessarily be the first concern of an aspiring and disinterested mind4 ,we felt ourselves called upon to do as much1 at least1 for ,modern ,england as we had before done for ,ancient ,rome2 and having been considered by competent judges to have infused a little liveliness into a dead language1 we were bold enough to hope that we might extract some amusement from a living one4 ,few persons there are1 whose ears are so extremely obtuse1 as not to be frequently annoyed at the violations of ,grammar by which they are so often assailed4 ,it is really painful to be forced1 in walking along the streets1 to hear such phrases as1 8,that 'ere homnibus40 8,where've you bin40 8,vot's the hodds80 and the like4 ,very dreadful expressions are also used by draymen and others in addressing their horses4 ,what can possibly induce a human being to say 8,gee woot60 8',mather way60 or 8,woa80 not to mention the atrocious 8,kim aup60 of the ignorant and degraded costermonger4 ,we once actually heard a fellow threaten to 8pitch into0 his dog6 meaning1 we believe1 to beat the animal4 ,it is notorious that the above and greater enormities are perpetrated in spite of the number of ,grammars already before the world4 ,this fact sufficiently excuses the present addition to the stock2 and as serious ,english ,grammars have hitherto failed to effect the desired reformation1 we are induced to attempt it by means of a ,comic one4 ,with regard to the moral tendency of our labours1 we may here be permitted to remark1 that they will tend1 if successful1 to the suppression of evil speaking4 ,we shall only add1 that as the ,spartans used to exhibit a tipsy slave to their children with a view to disgust them with drunkenness1 so we1 by giving a few examples here and there1 of incorrect phraseology1 shall expose1 in their naked deformity1 the vices of speech to the ingenuous reader4 ,illustration ,,list ,,of ,,illustrations4 ,,frontispiece4 ,page ,,minerva ,,teaching x ,,john ,,bull #ab ,,the 8,,prodigy0 #ad 8,,jane ,,you ,,know ,,who0 #ah ,,mutes ,,and ,,liquids #bc ,,awkward ,,lout #bd ,,ha6 ,,ha6 ,,ha6 ,,ho6 ,,ho6 ,,ho6 ,,he6 ,,he6 ,,he6 #bg 8,o61 ,,what1 ,a1 ,,lark6--,,here1 ,,we1 ,,are60 #bh ,,aldiborontiphoscophormio ,,and ,,chrononhotonthologos #cd ,,single ,,blessedness #dj ,,apple ,,sauce #de ,,matilda #dh ,a ,,socialist #ej 8,,shan',t ,i ,,shine ,,to ,,night1 ,,dear80 #ea ,,julia #eg ,a ,,very ,,bad ,,case #ei ,a ,,select ,,vestry #fi ,,self-,,esteem #gh 8,,fact1 ,,madam60--8,,gracious1 ,,major60 #hb ,,years ,,of ,,discretion #hi 8,i ,,shall ,,give ,,you ,a ,,drubbing60 #ig ,a ,,comical ,,conjunction #ajf 8,,as ,,well ,,as ,,can ,,be ,,expected0 #ajh 8,,how',s ,,your ,,inspector80 #aai 8,,what ,a ,,duck ,,of ,a ,,man60 #abj ,,the ,,flirt #abb ,,the ,,captain #abh ,,the ,,duke ,,of ,,wellington #aca 8,,oh6 ,,you ,,good-,,for-,,nothing ,,man60 #acg ,,the ,,young ,,gentleman #aci 8,,virtue',s ,,reward0 #adb 8,,not ,,to ,,mince ,,matters1 ,,miss1 ,i ,,love ,,you0 #ade ,,the ,,french ,,marquis #adi 8,,the ,,engaged ,,ones0 #aec 8,,the ,,ladies60 #aef 8,,hit ,,one ,,of ,,your ,,own ,,size60 #aeh ,,all ,,for ,,love #afi 8,,tale ,,of ,a ,,tub0 #agj 8,a ,,respectable ,,man0 #agg ,,doing ,,what ,,you ,,like ,,with ,,your ,,own #ahj 8,,what ,a ,,little ,,dear60 #ahc ,,brutus #ahg ,,the ,,two ,,doves #aij 8,,the ,,nasty ,,little ,,squalling ,,brat0 #bje 8,,oh1 ,,jemima60 #bad ,,love ,,and ,,murder #baf ,,standing ,,on ,,points #bah 8,,where ,,got',,st ,,thou ,,that ,,goose80 #bai ,,preliminary ,,discourse4 ,our native country having been1 from time immemorial1 entitled ,merry ,england1 it is clear that1 provided it has been called by a right name1 a ,comic ,grammar will afford the most hopeful means of teaching its inhabitants their language4 ,that the epithet in question has been correctly applied1 it will therefore be our business to show4 ,if we can only prove that things which foreigners regard in the most serious point of view1 and which1 perhaps1 ought in reality to be so considered1 afford the modern ,minotaur ,john ,bull1 merely matter of amusement1 we shall go far towards the establishment of our position4 ,we hope to do this and more also4 ,births1 marriages1 and deaths1 especially the latter1 must be allowed to be matters of some consequence4 ,every one knows what jokes are made upon the two first subjects4 ,those which the remaining one affords1 we shall proceed to consider4 ,suicide1 for instance1 is looked upon by ,mr4 ,bull with a very different eye from that with which his neighbours regard it4 ,as to an abortive attempt thereat1 it excites in his mind unmitigated ridicule1 instead of interest and sympathy4 ,in ,paris a foolish fellow1 discontented with the world1 or1 more probably1 failing in some attempt to make himself conspicuous1 ties a brickbat to his neck1 and jumps1 at twelve o'clock of the day1 into the ,seine4 ,he thereby excites great admiration in the minds of the bystanders2 but were he to play the same trick on ,london ,bridge1 as soon as he had been pulled out of the water he would only be laughed at for his pains4 ,there was a certain gentleman1 an officer in the navy1 one ,lieutenant ,luff2 at least we have never heard the fact of his existence disputed2 who used to spend all his time in drinking grog2 and at last1 when he could get no more1 thought proper to shoot himself through the chest4 ,in ,france he would have been buried in ,pre ,la ,chaise1 or some such place1 and would have had an ode written to his memory4 ,as his native country1 however1 was the scene of his exploit1 he was interred1 for the affair happened some years ago1 in a cross-road2 and his fate has been made the subject of a comic song4 ,that our countrymen regard ,death as a jest1 no one who considers their bravery in war or their appetite in peace1 can possibly doubt4 ,and the expressions1 8to hop the twig10 8to kick the bucket10 8to go off the hooks10 8to turn up the toes10 and so on1 vernacularly used as synonymous with 8to expire10 sufficiently show the jocular light in which the last act of the farce of ,life is viewed in ,her ,majesty's dominions4 ,an execution is looked upon abroad as a serious affair2 but with us it is quite another matter4 ,capital punishments1 whatever they may be to the sufferers1 are to the spectators1 if we may judge from their behaviour1 little else than capital jokes4 ,the terms which1 in common discourse1 are used by the humble classes to denote the pensile state1 namely1 8dancing on nothing10 8having a drop too much10 or 8being troubled with a line10 are quite playful1 and the 8,last ,dying ,speech0 of the criminal is usually a species of composition which might well be called 8,an ,entertaining ,narrative illustrated with ,humourous ,designs40 ,the play of ,george ,barnwell1 in which a deluded linendraper's apprentice commits a horrid murder on the body of a pious uncle1 excites1 whenever it is represented1 as much amusement as if it were a comedy2 and there is also a ballad detailing the same circumstances1 which1 when sung at convivial meetings1 is productive of much merriment4 ,billy ,taylor1 too1 another ballad of the same sort1 celebrates1 in jocund strains1 an act of unjustifiable homicide4 ,even the terrors of the other world are converted1 in ,great ,britain1 into the drolleries of this4 ,the awful apparitions of the unfortunate ,miss ,bailey1 and the equally unfortunate ,mr4 ,giles ,scroggins1 have each of them furnished the materials of a comical ditty2 and the terrific appearance of the ,ghost of a ,sheep's ,head to one ,william ,white1--a prodigy which would be considered in ,germany as fearful in the extreme1 has been applied1 by some popular but anonymous writer1 to the same purpose4 ,the bodily ablation of an unprincipled exciseman by the ,prince of ,darkness1 a circumstance in itself certainly of a serious nature1 has been recorded by one of our greatest poets in strains by no means remarkable for gravity4 ,the appellation1 8,old ,nick10 applied by the vulgar to the ,prince in question1 is1 in every sense of the words1 a nickname2 and the aliases by which1 like many of his subjects1 he is also called and known1 such as 8,old ,scratch10 8,old ,harry10 or 8,the ,old ,gentleman10 are1 to say the very least of them1 terms that border on the familiar4 ,in the popular drama of ,punch1#a we observe a perfect climax of atrocities and horrors4 ,victim after victim falls prostrate beneath the cudgel of the deformed and barbarous monster2 the very first who feels his tyranny being the wife of his bosom4 ,he1 meanwhile1 behaves in the most heartless manner1 actually singing and capering among the mangled carcases4 ,benevolence is shocked1 ,justice is derided1 ,law is set at nought1 and ,constables are slain4 ,the fate to which he had been consigned by a ,jury of his ,country is eluded2 and the ,avenger of ,crime is circumvented by the wily assassin4 ,lastly1 to crown the whole1 ,retribution herself is mocked2 and the very ,arch ,fiend is dismissed to his own dominions with a fractured skull4 ,and at every stage of these frightful proceedings shouts of uproarious laughter attest the delight of the beholders1 increasing in violence with every additional terror1 and swelling at the concluding one to an almost inextinguishable peal4 ,indeed there is scarcely any shocking thing out of which we can extract no amusement1 except the loss of money1 wherein1 at least when it is our own1 we cannot see anything to laugh at4 ,some will say that we make it a principle to convert whatever frightens other people into a jest1 in order that we may imbibe a contempt for danger2 and that our superiority 7universally admitted7 over all nations in courage and prowess1 is1 in fact1 owing to the way which we have acquired of laughing all terrors1 natural and supernatural1 utterly to scorn4 ,with these1 however1 we do not agree4 ,our national laughter is1 in our opinion1 as little based on principle as our national actions have of late years been4 ,we laugh from impulse1 or1 as we do everything else1 because we choose4 ,and we shall find1 on examination1 that we have contrived1 amongst us1 to render a great many things exceedingly droll and absurd1 without having the slightest reason to assign for so doing4 ,for example1 there is nothing in the office of a ,parish ,clerk that makes it desirable that he should be a ludicrous person4 ,there is no reason why he should have a cracked voice2 an inability to use1 or a tendency to omit1 the aspirate2 a stupid countenance2 or a pompous manner4 ,nor do we clearly see why he should be unable to pronounce proper names2 should say ,snatchacrab for ,sennacherib1 or ,leftenant for ,leviathan4 ,such1 nevertheless1 are the peculiarities by which he is commonly distinguished4 ,we are likewise at a loss to divine why so studiously ridiculous a costume has been made to enhance the natural absurdity of a ,beadle2 for we can hardly believe that his singular style of dress was really intended to inspire small children with veneration and awe4 ,it can scarcely be supposed that a ,lord ,mayor's ,show was instituted only to be laughed at2 yet who would contend that it is of any other use8 ,nor could the office of the ,chief ,magistrate of a ,corporation1 nor that of an ,alderman1 have been created for the amusement of the ,public3 there is1 however1 no purpose which both of them so frequently serve4 ,if the wig and robes of a ,judge were meant to excite the respect of the community in general1 and the fear of the unconscientious part of it1 we cannot but think that the design has been unsuccessful4 ,that the ministers of justice are not1 in fact1 so reverently held1 by any means1 as from the nature of their functions they might be expected to be1 is certain4 ,a magistrate1 to go no further1 is universally known1 if not designated1 by the jocose appellation of 8,beak40 ,butchers1 bakers1 cobblers1 tinkers1 costermongers1 and tailors2 to say nothing of footmen1 waiters1 dancing-masters1 and barbers have become the subjects of ridicule to an extent not warranted by their avocations1 simply considered4 ,but the comical mind1 like the jaundiced eye1 views everything through a coloured medium4 ,such a mind is that of the generality of ,britons4 ,we distinguish even the nearest ties of relationship by facetious names4 ,a father is called 8,dad10 or 8,the ,governor20 an uncle1 8,nunkey20 and a wife1 8a rib10 or more pleasantly still1 as in the advertisements1 an 8encumbrance40 ,almost every being or thing1 indeed1 has in ,english two words to express it1 an ordinary and an odd one2 and so greatly has the number of expressions of the kind last mentioned increased of late1 that1 as it appears to us1 a new edition of ,johnson's ,dictionary1 enriched with modern additions1 is imperatively called for4 ,when we talk of odd words1 we have no fear that our meaning will be misunderstood4 ,it is true that there are some few individuals who complain that they do not see any wit in calling a sheep's-head a 8jemmy10 legs 8bandies10 or a hand a 8mawley20 and it is also true that there was once a mathematician1 who1 after reading through ,milton's ,paradise ,lost1 wanted to know what it all proved8 ,and now that we are speaking of names1 we may mention a few which are certainly of a curious nature1 and which no foreigner could possibly have invented2 unless1 which would be likely enough1 he meant to apply them seriously4 ,the names we allude to are names of places--and pretty places they are too2 as1 8,mount ,pleasant10 8,paradise ,row10 8,golden ,lane40 ,then there are a great many whimsical things that we do3-- ,when a man cannot pay his debts1 and has no prospect of being able to do so except by working1 we shut him up in gaol1 and humorously describe his condition as that of being in ,quod4 ,we will not allow a man to give an old woman a dose of rhubarb if he have not acquired at least half a dozen sciences2 but we permit a quack to sell as much poison as he pleases1 with no other diploma than what he gets from the 8,college of ,health40 ,when a thief pleads 8,guilty0 to an indictment1 he is advised by the ,judge to recall his plea2 as if a trial were a matter of sport1 and the culprit1 like a fox1 gave no amusement unless regularly run down4 ,this perhaps is the reason why allowing an animal to start some little time before the pursuit is commenced1 is called giving him law4 ,when one man runs away with another's wife1 and1 being on that account challenged to fight a duel1 shoots the aggrieved party through the head1 the latter is said to receive satisfaction4 ,we never take a glass of wine at dinner without getting somebody else to do the same1 as if we wanted encouragement2 and then1 before we venture to drink1 we bow to each other across the table1 preserving all the while a most wonderful gravity4 ,this1 however1 it may be said1 is the natural result of endeavouring to keep one another in countenance4 ,the way in which we imitate foreign manners and customs is very amusing4 ,savages stick fish-bones through their noses2 our fair countrywomen have hoops of metal poked through their ears4 ,the ,caribs flatten the forehead2 the ,chinese compress the foot2 and we possess similar contrivances for reducing the figure of a young lady to a resemblance to an hour-glass or a devil-on-two-sticks4 ,there being no other assignable motive for these and the like proceedings1 it is reasonable to suppose that they are adopted1 as schoolboys say1 8for fun40 ,we could go on1 were it necessary1 adducing facts to an almost unlimited extent2 but we consider that enough has now been said in proof of the comic character of the national mind4 ,and in conclusion1 if any foreign author can be produced1 equal in point of wit1 humour1 and drollery1 to ,swift1 ,sterne1 or ,butler1 we hereby engage to eat him2 albeit we have no pretensions to the character of a 8helluo librorum40 ,illustration ,,the ,,comic ,,english ,,grammar4 8,english ,grammar10 according to ,lindley ,murray1 8is the art of speaking and writing the ,english language with propriety40 ,the ,english language1 written and spoken with propriety1 is commonly called the ,king's ,english4 ,a monarch1 who1 three or four generations back1 occupied the ,english throne1 is reported to have said1 8,if beebles will be boets1 they must sdarve40 ,this was a rather curious specimen of 8,king's ,english40 ,it is1 however1 a maxim of our law1 that 8the ,king can do no wrong40 ,whatever bad ,english1 therefore1 may proceed from the royal mouth1 is not 8,king's ,english10 but 8,minister's ,english10 for which they alone are responsible4 ,for illustrations of this kind of 8,english0 we beg to refer the reader to the celebrated ,english ,grammar which was written by the late ,mr4 ,cobbett4 ,king's ,english 7or1 perhaps1 under existing circumstances we should say1 ,queen's ,english7 is the current coin of conversation1 to mutilate which1 and unlawfully to utter the same1 is called clipping the ,king's ,english2 a high crime and misdemeanour4 ,clipped ,english1 or bad ,english1 is one variety of ,comic ,english1 of which we shall adduce instances hereafter4 ,illustration3 ,he's only a little 8prodigy0 of mine1 ,doctor4 ,slipslop1 or the erroneous substitution of one word for another1 as 8prodigy0 for 8protge10 8derangement0 for 8arrangement10 8exasperate0 for 8aspirate10 and the like1 is another4 ,slang1 which consists in cant words and phrases1 as 8dodge0 for 8sly trick10 8no go0 for 8failure10 and 8carney0 8to flatter10 may be considered a third4 ,latinised ,english1 or ,fine ,english1 sometimes assumes the character of ,comic ,english1 especially when applied to the purposes of common discourse2 as 8,extinguish the luminary10 8,agitate the communicator10 8,are your corporeal functions in a condition of salubrity80 8,a sable visual orb10 8,a sanguinary nasal protuberance40 ,american ,english is ,comic ,english in a 8pretty particular considerable tarnation0 degree4 ,among the various kinds of ,comic ,english it would be 8tout--fait0 inexcusable1 were we to 8manquer0 to mention one which has1 so to speak1 quite 8boulevers'd0 the old-fashioned style of conversation2 ,french-,english1 that is what 8nous voulons dire40 8,avec un poco0 of the 8,italiano10 this forms what is also called the ,mosaic dialect4 ,english ,grammar is divided into four parts--,orthography1 ,etymology1 ,syntax1 and ,prosody2 and as these are points that a good grammarian always stands upon1 he1 particularly when a pedant1 and consequently somewhat flat1 may very properly be compared to a table4 ,,part ,i4 ,,orthography4 ,,chapter4 ,i4 ,,of ,,the ,,nature ,,of ,,the ,,letters1 ,,and ,,of ,a ,,comic ,,alphabet4 ,orthography is like a junior usher1 or instructor of youth4 ,it teaches us the nature and powers of letters and the right method of spelling words4 ,note4--,in a public school1 the person corresponding to an usher is called a master4 ,as it is sometimes his duty to flog1 we propose that he should henceforth be called the 8,usher of the ,birch ,rod40 ,comic ,orthography teaches us the oddity and absurdities of letters1 and the wrong method of spelling words4 ,the following is an example of ,comic ,orthography3-- islinton foteenth of febuary #ahdj4 my ,deer jemes wen fust i sawed yu doun the middle and up agin att ,vite condick ouse i maid ,up my ,mind to skure you for my hone for i ,felt at once that my appiness was at ,steak1 and a sensashun in my ,bussum ,i coudent no ways accompt ,for4 ,and i said to mary at missis ,igginses said i theres the ,mann for my money o ses ,shee i nose a ,sweeter ,yung ,man than that ,air ,do you sez i ,agin then there we ,agree ,to ,differ1 and we was sittin by the window and we wos wery ,neer fallin ,out4 my deer gemes ,sins that ,nite i ,havent slept a ,wink and ,wot is moor to the ,porpus i ,have quit ,lost my ,happy tight and am gettin wus and wus witch i ,think yu ort to pitty ,mee4 i am ,tolled every ,day that ime ,gettin ,thinner and a ,jipsy sed that nothin wood ,cure me ,but a ,ring4 i wos a ,long time makin my ,mind ,up to right to ,you for of ,coarse i ,says jemes will think me too forrad but this bein ,leep yere i thout ide ,make a ,plunge speshialy as her grashius madjesty as ,set the ,exampel of ,popin the queshton1 leastways to all ,them as dont ,want to ,bee old ,mades all their blessed lives4 so my ,deer ,jemes if yow want a ,pardoner for ,better or for wus nows ,your ,time dont think i ,behave despicable for tis my ,luv for yu as makes ,me take this ,stepp4 please to ,burn this ,letter when ,red and excuse the scralls and ,blotches witch is ,caused by my ,teers i remain till deth ,yure on ,happy ,vallentine jane you ,no who4 poscrip nex ,sunday ,is my sunday out ,and i shall be ,att the corner of ,wite lion ,street pentonvil at a quawter pas ,sevn4 ,wen ,this ,u4 ,c4 remember ,mee j4 g4 ,illustration ,now1 to proceed with ,orthography1 we may remark1 that ,a letter is the least part of a word4 ,of a comic letter an instance has already been given4 ,dr4 ,johnson's letter to ,lord ,chesterfield is a capital letter4 ,the letters of the ,alphabet are the representatives of articulate sounds4 ,the ,alphabet is a ,republic of ,letters4 ,there are many things in this world erroneously as well as vulgarly compared to 8bricks40 ,in the case of the letters of the ,alphabet1 however1 the comparison is just2 they constitute the fabric of a language1 and grammar is the mortar4 ,the wonder is that there should be so few of them4 ,the ,english letters are twenty-six in number4 ,there is nothing like beginning at the beginning2 and we shall now therefore enumerate them1 with the view also of rendering their insertion subsidiary to mythological instruction1 in conformity with the plan on which some account of the ,heathen ,deities and ancient heroes is prefixed or subjoined to a ,dictionary4 ,we present the reader with a form of ,alphabet composed in humble imitation of that famous one1 which1 while appreciable by the dullest taste1 and level to the meanest capacity1 is nevertheless that by which the greatest minds have been agreeably inducted into knowledge4 ,,the ,,alphabet4 ,a was ,apollo1 the god of the carol1 ,b stood for ,bacchus1 astride on his barrel2 ,c for good ,ceres1 the goddess of grist1 ,d was ,diana1 that wouldn't be kiss'd2 ,e was nymph ,echo1 that pined to a sound1 ,f was sweet ,flora1 with buttercups crown'd2 ,g was ,jove's pot-boy1 young ,ganymede hight1 ,h was fair ,hebe1 his barmaid so tight2 ,i1 little ,io1 turn'd into a cow1 ,j1 jealous ,juno1 that spiteful old sow2 ,k was ,kitty1 more lovely than goddess or muse2 ,l1 ,lacooon--,i wouldn't have been in his shoes6 ,m was blue-eyed ,minerva1 with stockings to match1 ,n was ,nestor1 with grey beard and silvery thatch2 ,o was lofty ,olympus1 ,king ,jupiter's shop1 ,p1 ,parnassus1 ,apollo hung out on its top2 ,q stood for ,quirites1 the ,romans1 to wit2 ,r1 for rantipole ,roscius1 that made such a hit2 ,s1 for ,sappho1 so famous for felo-de-se1 ,t1 for ,thales the wise1 ,f4,r4,s4 and ,m4,d43 ,u was crafty ,ulysses1 so artful a dodger1 ,v was hop-a-kick ,vulcan1 that limping old codger2 ,wenus--,venus ,i mean--with a ,w begins1 7,vell1 if ,i ham a ,cockney1 wot need of your grins87 ,x was ,xantippe1 the scratch-cat and shrew1 ,y1 ,i don't know what ,y was1 whack me if ,i do6 ,z was ,zeno the ,stoic1 ,zenobia the clever1 ,and ,zoilus the critic1 ,victoria for ever6 ,letters are divided into ,vowels and ,consonants4 ,the vowels are capable of being perfectly uttered by themselves4 ,they are1 as it were1 independent members of the ,alphabet1 and like independent members elsewhere form a small minority4 ,the vowels are a1 e1 i1 o1 u1 and sometimes w and y4 ,an ,i4 ,o4 ,u4 is a more pleasant thing to have1 than it is to give4 ,a blow in the stomach is very likely to ,w up4 ,w is a consonant when it begins a word1 as 8,wicked ,will ,wiggins whacked his wife with a whip20 but in every other place it is a vowel1 as crawling1 drawling1 sawney1 screwing1 ,jew4 ,y follows the same rule4 ,a consonant is an articulate sound2 but1 like an old bachelor1 if it exist alone it exists to no purpose4 ,it cannot be perfectly uttered without the aid of a vowel2 and even then the vowel has the greatest share in the production of the sound4 ,thus a vowel joined to a consonant becomes1 so to speak1 a 8better half30 or at all events very strongly resembles one4 ,consonants are divided into mutes and semi-vowels4 ,the mutes cannot be sounded at all without the aid of a vowel4 ,like young ladies just 8come out10 they are silent as long as you let them alone4 ,some have compared them1 on account of their name1 to the 8,original ,good ,woman20 but how joining her to anything except to her head again would have cured her of her dumbness1 it is not easy to see4 ,b1 p1 t1 d1 k1 and c and g hard1 are the letters called mutes1 or1 as some have denominated them1 black letters4 ,the semi-vowels1 which are f1 l1 m1 n1 r1 v1 s1 x1 z1 and c and g soft1 have an imperfect sound of themselves4 ,well6 half a loaf is better than no bread4 ,l1 m1 n1 r1 are further distinguished by the name of liquids4 ,like certain other liquids they are good for mixing1 that is to say1 they readily unite with other consonants2 and flow1 as it were1 into their sounds4 ,the specific gravity of liquids can only be rendered amusing by comical figures4 ,the gravity1 too1 of a solid is generally the more ludicrous4 ,illustration3 ,,mutes ,,and ,,liquids4 ,a diphthong is the union of two vowels in one sound1 as ea in heavy1 eu in ,meux1 ou in stout4 ,a triphthong is a similar union of three vowels1 as eau in the word beau2 a term applied to dandies1 and addressed to geese3 probably because they are birds of a feather4 ,a proper diphthong is that in which the sound is formed by both the vowels3 as1 aw in awkward1 ou in lout4 ,illustration ,an improper diphthong is that in which the sound is formed by one of the vowels only1 as ea in heartless1 oa in hoax4 ,according to our notions there are a great many improper diphthongs in common use4 ,by improper diphthongs we mean vowels unwarrantably dilated into diphthongs1 and diphthongs mispronounced1 in defiance of good ,english1 and against our ,sovereign ,lady the ,queen1 her crown and dignity4 ,for instance1 the rustics say1-- 8,loor6 whaut a foine gaal6 ,moy oy60 8,whaut a precious soight of crows60 8,as ,i was a comin' whoam through the corn fiddles 7fields7 ,i met ,willum ,jones40 ,after this manner cockneys express themselves3-- 8,i sor 7saw7 him40 8,dror 7draw7 it out40 8,hold your jor 7jaw740 8,i caun't4 ,you shaun't4 ,how's your ,maw and ,paw8 ,do you like taut 7tart780 ,we have heard young ladies remark1-- 8,oh1 my6 ,what a naice young man60 8,what a bee--eautiful day60 8,i'm so fond of dayncing60 ,dandies frequently exclaim1-- 8,i'm postively tiawed 7tired740 8,what a sweet tempaw6 7temper740 8,how daughty 7dirty7 the streets au60 ,and they also call1-- ,literature1 8literetchah40 ,perfectly1 8pawfacly40 ,disgusted1 8disgasted40 ,sky 7theatrical dandies do this chiefly7 8ske-eye40 ,blue1 8ble--ew40 ,we might here insert a few remarks on the nature of the human voice1 and of the mechanism by means of which articulation is performed2 but besides our dislike to prolixity1 we are afraid of getting down in the mouth1 and thereby going the wrong way to please our readers4 ,we may nevertheless venture to invite attention to a few comical peculiarities in connection with articulate sounds4 ,ahem6 at the commencement of a speech1 is a sound agreeably droll4 ,the vocal comicalities of the infant in arms are exceedingly laughable1 but we are unfortunately unable to spell them4 ,the articulation of the ,jew is peculiarly ridiculous4 ,the 8peoplesh0 are badly spoken of1 and not well spoken4 ,bawling1 croaking1 hissing1 whistling1 and grunting1 are elegant vocal accomplishments4 ,lisping1 as1 8thweet1 ,dthooliur1 thawming1 kweechau10 is by some considered interesting1 by others absurd4 ,stammering is sometimes productive of amusement4 ,humming and hawing are ludicrous embellishments to a discourse4 ,crowing like a cock1 braying like a donkey1 quacking like a duck1 and hooting like an owl1 are modes of exerting the voice which are usually regarded as diverting4 ,but of all the sounds which proceed from the human mouth1 by far the funniest are ,ha6 ha6 ha6--,ho6 ho6 ho6 and ,he6 he6 he6 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,of ,,syllables4 ,syllable is a nice word1 it sounds so much like syllabub6 ,a syllable1 whether it constitute a word or part of a word1 is a sound1 either simple or compound1 produced by one effort of the voice1 as1 8,o61 what1 a1 lark6--,here1 we1 are60 ,illustration ,spelling is the art of putting together the letters which compose a syllable1 or the syllables which compose a word4 ,comic spelling is usually the work of imagination4 ,the chief rule to be observed in this kind of spelling1 is1 to spell every word as it is pronounced2 though the rule is not universally observed by comic spellers4 ,the following example1 for the genuineness of which we can vouch1 is one so singularly apposite1 that although we have already submitted a similar specimen of orthography to the reader1 we are irresistibly tempted to make a second experiment on his indulgence4 ,the epistolary curiosity1 then1 which we shall now proceed to transcribe1 was addressed by a patient to his medical adviser4 8,,sir1 8,my ,granmother wos very much trubeld ,with the ,gout and dide with it my father wos also and dide with it when i was #ad years of age i wos in the habbet of ,gettin whet feet ,every ,night by pumping water out of a ,celler ,wich ,cas me to have the tipes fever wich ,cas my ,defness when i was #bc of age i fell in the ,water betwen the ice and i have ,bin in the habbet of ,getting wet when traviling i have ,bin trubbeld with ,gout for seven years 8,your most humbel 8,servent 44444444 444444 ,clearkenwell0 ,chelsea ,college has been supposed by foreigners to be an institution for the teaching of orthography2 probably in consequence of a passage in the well known song in 8,the ,waterman10 8,never more at ,chelsea ,ferry1 ,shall your ,thomas take a spell40 ,q4 ,why is a dunce no conjuror8 ,a4 ,because he cannot spell4 ,among the various kinds of spelling may be enumerated spelling for a favour2 or giving what is called a broad hint4 ,certain rules for the division of words into syllables are laid down in some grammars1 and we should be very glad to follow the established usage1 but1 limited as we are by considerations of comicality and space1 we cannot afford to give more than two very general directions4 ,if you do not know how to spell a word1 look it out in the dictionary1 and if you have no dictionary by you1 write the word in such a way1 that1 while it may be guessed at1 it shall not be legible4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,of ,,words ,,in ,,general4 ,there is no one question that we are aware of more puzzling than this1 8,what is your opinion of things in general80 ,words in general are1 fortunately for us1 a subject on which the formation of an opinion is somewhat more easy4 ,words stand for things3 they are a sort of counters1 checks1 bank-notes1 and sometimes1 indeed1 they are notes for which people get a great deal of money4 ,such words1 however1 are1 alas6 not ,english words1 or words sterling4 ,strange6 that so much should be given for a mere song4 ,it is quite clear that the givers1 whatever may be their pretensions to a refined or literary taste1 must be entirely unacquainted with ,wordsworth4 ,fine words are oily enough1 and he who uses them is vulgarly said to 8cut it fat20 but for all that it is well known that they will not butter parsnips4 ,some say that words are but wind3 for this reason1 when people are having words1 it is often said1 that 8the wind's up40 ,different words please different people4 ,philosophers are fond of hard words2 pedants of tough words1 long words1 and crackjaw words2 bullies1 of rough words2 boasters1 of big words2 the rising generation1 of slang words2 fashionable people1 of ,french words2 wits1 of sharp words and smart words2 and ladies1 of nice words1 sweet words1 soft words1 and soothing words2 and1 indeed1 of words in general4 ,words 7when spoken7 are articulate sounds used by common consent as signs of our ideas4 ,a word of one syllable is called a ,monosyllable3 as1 you1 are1 a1 great1 oaf4 ,a word of two syllables is named a ,dissyllable2 as1 cat-gut1 mu-sic4 ,a word of three syllables is termed a ,trisyllable2 as1 ,mag-net-ism1 ,mum-mer-y4 ,a word of four or more syllables is entitled a ,polysyllable2 as1 in-ter-mi-na-ble1 cir-cum-lo-cu-ti-on1 ex-as-pe-ra-ted1 func-ti-o-na-ry1 met-ro-po-li-tan1 ro-tun-di-ty4 ,words of more syllables than one are sometimes comically contracted into one syllable2 as1 in s'pose for suppose1 b'lieve for believe1 and 'scuse for excuse3 here1 perhaps1 'buss1 abbreviated from omnibus1 deserves to be mentioned4 ,in like manner1 many long words are elegantly trimmed and shortened2 as1 ornary for ordinary1 'strornary for extraordinary1 and curosity for curiosity2 to which mysterus for mysterious may also be added4 ,polysyllables are an essential element in the sublime1 both in poetry and in prose2 but especially in that species of the sublime which borders very closely on the ridiculous2 as1 8,aldiborontiphoscophormio1 ,where left'st thou ,chrononhotonthologos80 ,illustration ,all words are either primitive or derivative4 ,a primitive word is that which cannot be reduced to any simpler word in the language2 as1 brass1 ,york1 knave4 ,a derivative word1 under the head of which compound words are also included1 is that which may be reduced to another and a more simple word in the ,english language2 as1 brazen1 ,yorkshire1 knavery1 mud-lark1 lighterman4 ,broadbrim is a derivative word2 but it is one often applied to a very primitive kind of person4 ,,part ,,ii4 ,,etymology4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,a ,,comical ,,view ,,of ,,the ,,parts ,,of ,,speech4 ,etymology teaches the varieties1 modifications1 and derivation of words4 ,the derivation of words means that which they come from as words2 for what they come from as sounds1 is another matter4 ,some words come from the heart1 and then they are pathetic2 others from the nose1 in which case they are ludicrous4 ,the funniest place1 however1 from which words can come1 is the stomach4 ,by the way1 the ,lord ,mayor would do well to keep a ventriloquist1 from whom1 at a moment's notice1 he might ascertain the voice of the corporation4 ,comic ,etymology teaches us the varieties1 modifications1 and derivation1 of words invested with a comic character4 ,grammatically speaking1 we say that there are1 in ,english1 as many sorts of words as a cat is said to have lives1 nine2 namely1 the ,article1 the ,substantive or ,noun1 the ,adjective1 the ,pronoun1 the ,verb1 the ,adverb1 the ,preposition1 the ,conjunction1 and the ,interjection4 ,comically speaking1 there are a great many sorts of words which we have not room enough to particularise individually4 ,we can therefore only afford to classify them4 ,for instance2 there are words which are spoken in the ,low ,countries1 and are ,high ,dutch to persons of quality2 as in ,billingsgate1 ,whitechapel1 and ,st4 ,giles's4 ,words in use amongst all those who have to do with horses4 ,words that pass between rival cab-men4 ,words peculiar to the ,p4 ,r4 where the order of the day is generally a word and a blow4 ,words spoken in a state of intoxication4 ,words uttered under excitement4 ,words of endearment1 addressed to children in arms4 ,similar words1 sometimes called burning1 tender1 soft1 and broken words1 addressed to young ladies1 and whispered1 lisped1 sighed1 or drawled1 according to circumstances4 ,words of honour2 as1 tailors' words and shoemakers' words2 which1 like the above-mentioned1 or lovers' words1 are very often broken4 ,with many other sorts of words1 which will be readily suggested by the reader's fancy4 ,but now let us go on with the parts of speech4 #a4 ,an ,article is a word prefixed to substantives to point them out1 and to show the extent of their meaning2 as1 a dandy1 an ape1 the simpleton4 ,one kind of comic article is otherwise denominated an oddity1 or queer article4 ,another kind of comic article is often to be met with in ,bentley's ,miscellany4 #b4 ,a ,substantive or ,noun is the name of anything that exists1 or of which we have any notion2 as1 tinker1 tailor1 soldier1 sailor1 apothecary1 ploughboy1 thief4 ,now the above definition of a substantive is ,lindley ,murray's1 not ours4 ,we mention this1 because we have an objection1 though1 not1 perhaps1 a serious one1 to urge against it2 for1 in the first place1 we have 8no notion0 of impudence1 and yet impudence is a substantive2 and1 in the second1 we invite attention to the following piece of ,logic1 ,a substantive is something1 ,but nothing is a substantive2 ,therefore1 nothing is something4 ,a substantive may generally be known by its taking an article before it1 and by its making sense of itself3 as1 a treat1 the mulligrubs1 an ache4 #c4 ,an ,adjective is a word joined to a substantive to denote its quality2 as a ragged regiment1 an odd set4 ,you may distinguish an adjective by its making sense with the word thing3 as1 a poor thing1 a sweet thing1 a cool thing2 or with any particular substantive1 as a ticklish position1 an awkward mistake1 a strange step4 #d4 ,a ,pronoun is a word used in lieu of a noun1 in order to avoid tautology3 as1 8,the man wants calves2 he is a lath2 he is a walking-stick40 #e4 ,a ,verb is a word which signifies to be1 to do1 or to suffer3 as1 ,i am2 ,i calculate2 ,i am fixed4 ,a verb may usually be distinguished by its making sense with a personal pronoun1 or with the word to before it3 as ,i yell1 he grins1 they caper2 or to drink1 to smoke1 to chew4 ,fashionable accomplishments6 ,certain substantives are1 with peculiar elegance1 and by persons who call themselves genteel1 converted into verbs3 as1 8,do you wine80 8,will you malt80 8,let me persuade you to cheese80 #f4 ,an ,adverb is a part of speech which1 joined to a verb1 an adjective1 or another adverb1 serves to express some quality or circumstance concerning it3 as1 8,she swears dreadfully2 she is incorrigibly lazy2 and she is almost continually in liquor40 #g4 ,an adverb is generally characterised by answering to the question1 ,how8 how much8 when8 or where8 as in the verse1 8,merrily danced the ,quaker's wife10 the answer to the question1 ,how did she dance8 is1 merrily4 #h4 ,prepositions serve to connect words together1 and to show the relation between them3 as1 8,off with his head1 so much for ,buckingham60 #i4 ,a ,conjunction is used to connect not only words1 but sentences also3 as1 ,smith and ,jones are happy because they are single4 ,a miss is as good as a mile4 ,illustration3 ,,single ,,blessedness4 #aj4 ,an ,interjection is a short word denoting passion or emotion3 as1 8,oh1 ,sophonisba6 ,sophonisba1 oh60 ,pshaw6 ,pish6 ,pooh6 ,bah6 ,ah6 ,au6 ,eughph6 ,yah6 ,hum6 ,ha6 ,lauk6 ,la6 ,lor6 ,heigho6 ,well6 ,there6 c4 ,among the foregoing interjections there may1 perhaps1 be some unhonoured by the adoption of genius1 and unknown in the domains of literature4 ,for the present notice of them some apology may be required1 but little will be given2 their insertion may excite astonishment1 but their omission would have provoked complaint3 though unprovided with a ,johnsonian title to a place in the ,english vocabulary1 they have long been recognised by the popular voice2 and let it be remembered1 that as custom supplies the defects of legislation1 so that which is not sanctioned by magisterial authority may nevertheless be justified by vernacular usage4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,of ,,the ,,articles4 ,the ,articles in ,english are two1 a and the2 a becomes an before a vowel1 and before an h which is not sounded3 as1 an exquisite1 an hour-glass4 ,but if the h be pronounced1 the a only is used3 as1 a homicide1 a homopathist1 a hum4 ,this rule is reversed in what is termed the ,cockney dialect3 as1 a inspector1 a officer1 a object1 a omnibus1 a individual1 a alderman1 a honour1 an horse1 or rather1 a norse1 an hound1 an hunter1 c4 ,it is usual in the same dialect1 when the article an should1 in strict propriety1 precede a word1 to omit the letter n1 and further1 for the sake of euphony and elegance1 to place the aspirate h before the word2 as1 a hegg1 a haccident1 a hadverb1 a hox4 ,but sometimes1 when a word begins with an h1 and has the article a before it1 the aspirate is omitted1 the letter a remaining unchanged3 as1 a 'ogg1 a 'edge1 a 'emisphere1 a 'ouse4 ,the slight liberties which it is the privilege of the people to take with the article and aspirate become always most evident in the expression of excited feeling1 when the stress which is laid upon certain words is heightened by the peculiarity of the pronunciation3 as1 8,you hignorant hupstart6 you hilliterate 'og6 'ow dare you to hoffer such a hinsult to my hunderstanding8--,you are a hobject of contempt1 you hare1 and a hinsolent wagobond6 your mother was nothing but a happle-woman1 and your father was an 'uckster60 ,note4--,in the above example1 the ordinary rules of language relative to the article and aspirate 7to say nothing of the maxims of politeness7 are completely set at nought2 but it must be remembered1 that in common discourse the modification of the article1 and the omission or use of the aspirate1 are determined by the ,cockneys according to the ease with which particular words are pronounced2 as1 8,though himpudent1 he warn't as impudent as ,bill wur40 ,here the word impudent1 following a vowel-sound1 is most easily pronounced as himpudent1 while the same word1 coming after a consonant1 even in the same sentence1 is uttered with greater facility in the usual way4 ,a or an is called the indefinite article1 because it is used1 in a vague sense1 to point out some one thing belonging to a certain kind1 but in other respects indeterminate2 as1 8,a horse1 a horse1 my kingdom for a horse60 ,so say grammarians4 ,eating-house keepers tell a different story4 ,a cheese1 in common discourse1 means an object of a certain shape1 size1 weight1 and so on1 entire and perfect2 so that to call half a cheese a cheese1 would constitute a flaw in an indictment against a thief who had stolen one4 ,but a waiter will term a fraction1 or a modicum of cheese1 a cheese2 a plate-full of pudding1 a pudding2 and a stick of celery1 a celery1 or rather1 a salary4 ,nay1 he will even apply the article a to a word which does not stand for an individual object at all2 as a bread1 a butter1 a bacon4 ,here we are reminded of the famous exclamation of one of these gentry3--8,master6 master6 there's two teas and a brandy-and-water just hopped over the palings60 ,the is termed the definite article1 inasmuch as it denotes what particular thing or things are meant2 as1 8,the miller he stole corn1 ,the weaver he stole yarn1 ,and the little tailr he stole broad-cloth ,to keep the three rogues warm40 ,a substantive to which no article is prefixed is taken in a general sense2 as1 8,apple sauce is proper for goose20 that is1 for all geese4 ,illustration3 ,,apple-,,sauce4 ,a few additional remarks may advantageously be made with respect to the articles4 ,the mere substitution of the definite for the indefinite article is capable of changing entirely the meaning of a sentence4 8,that is a ticket0 is the assertion of a certain fact2 but 8,that is the ticket60 means something which is quite different4 ,the article is not prefixed to a proper name2 as1 ,stubbs1 ,wiggins1 ,chubb1 or ,hobson1 except for the sake of distinguishing a particular family1 or description of persons2 as1 ,he is a ,burke2 that is1 one of the ,burkes1 or a person resembling ,burke4 ,the article is sometimes also prefixed to a proper name1 to point out some distinguished individual2 as1 ,the ,burke1 or the great politician1 or the resurrectionist1 ,burke4 ,who is the ,smith8 ,the indefinite article is joined to substantives in the singular number only4 ,we have heard people say1 however1 8,he keeps a wine-vaults20 or1 to quote more correctly--waltz4 ,the definite article may be joined to plurals also4 ,the definite article is frequently used with adverbs in the comparative and superlative degree3 as1 8,the longer ,i live1 the broader ,i grow20 or1 as we have all heard the showman say1 8,this here1 gentlemen and ladies1 is the vonderful heagle of the sun2 the 'otterer it grows1 the higherer he flies60 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,section ,i4 ,,of ,,substantives ,,in ,,general4 ,substantives are either proper or common4 ,proper names1 or substantives1 are the names belonging to individuals3 as ,william1 ,birmingham4 ,these are sometimes converted into nicknames1 or improper names3 as ,bill1 ,brummagem4 ,common names1 or substantives1 denote kinds containing many sorts1 or sorts containing many individuals under them3 as brute1 beast1 bumpkin1 cherub1 infant1 goblin1 c4 ,proper names1 when an article is prefixed to them1 are employed as common names3 as1 8,they thought him a perfect ,chesterfield2 he quite astonished the ,browns40 ,common names1 on the other hand1 are made to denote individuals1 by the addition of articles or pronouns3 as1 8,there was a little man1 and he had a little gun40 8,that boy will be the death of me60 ,substantives are considered according to gender1 number1 and case2 they are all of the third person when spoken of1 and of the second when spoken to3 as1 ,matilda1 fairest maid1 who art ,in countless bumpers toasted1 ,o let thy pity baste the heart ,thy fatal charms have roasted6 ,illustration ,,section ,,ii4 ,,of ,,gender4 ,the distinction between nouns with regard to sex is called ,gender4 ,there are three genders2 the ,masculine1 the ,feminine1 and the ,neuter4 ,the masculine gender belongs to animals of the male kind3 as1 a fop1 a jackass1 a boar1 a poet1 a lion4 ,the feminine gender is peculiar to animals of the female kind3 as1 a poetess1 a lioness1 a goose4 ,the neuter gender is that of objects which are neither males nor females3 as1 a toast1 a tankard1 a pot1 a pipe1 a pudding1 a pie1 a sausage1 a roll1 a muffin1 a crumpet1 a puff1 a cheesecake1 a bun1 an apricot1 an orange1 a lollipop1 a cream1 an ice1 a jelly1 c4 c4 c4 ,we might go on to enumerate an infinity of objects of the neuter gender1 of all sorts and kinds2 but in the selection of the foregoing examples we have been guided by two considerations3-- #a4 ,the desire of exciting agreeable emotions in the mind of the reader4 #b4 ,the wish to illustrate the following proposition1 8,that almost everything nice is also neuter40 ,except1 however1 a nice young lady1 a nice duck1 and one or two other nice things1 which we do not at present remember4 ,some neuter substantives are by a figure of speech converted into the masculine or feminine gender3 thus we say of the sun1 that when he shines upon a ,socialist1 he shines upon a thief2 and of the moon1 that she affects the minds of lovers4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,socialist4 ,there are certain nouns with which notions of strength1 vigour1 and the like qualities1 are more particularly connected2 and these are the neuter substantives which are figuratively rendered masculine4 ,on the other hand1 beauty1 amiability1 and so forth1 are held to invest words with a feminine character4 ,thus the sun is said to be masculine1 and the moon feminine4 ,but for our own part1 and our view is confirmed by the discoveries of astronomy1 we believe that the sun is called masculine from his supporting and sustaining the moon1 and finding her the wherewithal to shine away as she does of a night1 when all quiet people are in bed2 and from his being obliged to keep such a family of stars besides4 ,the moon1 we think1 is accounted feminine1 because she is thus maintained and kept up in her splendour1 like a fine lady1 by her husband the sun4 ,furthermore1 the moon is continually changing2 on which account alone she might be referred to the feminine gender4 ,the earth is feminine1 tricked out1 as she is1 with gems and flowers4 ,cities and towns are likewise feminine1 because there are as many windings1 turnings1 and little odd corners in them as there are in the female mind4 ,a ship is feminine1 inasmuch as she is blown about by every wind4 ,virtue is feminine by courtesy4 ,fortune and misfortune1 like mother and daughter1 are both feminine4 ,the ,church is feminine1 because she is married to the state2 or married to the state because she is feminine--we do not know which4 ,time is masculine1 because he is so trifled with by the ladies4 ,illustration3 8,shan't ,i shine to-night1 dear80 ,the ,english language distinguishes the sex in three manners2 namely1 #a4 ,by different words2 as1 ,,male4 ,,female4 ,bachelor ,maid4 ,boar ,sow4 ,boy ,girl4 ,bull ,cow4 ,brother ,sister4 ,buck ,doe4 ,bullock ,heifer4 ,hart ,roe4 ,cock ,hen4 ,dog ,bitch4 ,drake ,duck4 ,wizard ,witch4 ,earl ,countess4 ,father ,mother4 ,friar ,nun4 ,and several other ,words we don't mention1 7,pray pardon the crime17 ,worth your attention1 ,but wanting in rhyme4 #b4 ,by a difference of termination2 as1 ,,male4 ,,female4 ,poet ,poetess4 ,lion ,lioness1 c4 #c4 ,by a noun1 pronoun1 or adjective being prefixed to the substantive2 as1 ,,male4 ,,female4 ,a cock-lobster ,a hen-lobster4 ,a jack-ass ,a jenny-ass 7vernacular74 ,a man-servant1 or flunkey4 ,a maid-servant1 or ,abigail4 ,a he-bear 7like ,king ,harry74 ,a she-bear 7like ,queen ,bess74 ,a male flirt 7a rare animal74 ,a female flirt 7a common animal74 ,we have heard it said1 that every ,jack has his ,jill4 ,that may be2 but it is by no means true that every cock has his hen2 for there is a ,cock-swain1 but no ,hen-swain4 ,cock-eye1 but no ,hen-eye4 ,cock-ade1 but no ,hen-ade4 ,cock-atrice1 but no ,hen-atrice4 ,cock-horse1 but no ,hen-horse4 ,cock-ney1 but no ,hen-ney4 ,then we have a weather-cock1 but no weather-hen2 a turn-cock1 but no turn-hen2 and many a jolly cock1 but not one jolly hen2 unless we except some of those by whom their mates are pecked4 ,some words2 as1 parent1 child1 cousin1 friend1 neighbour1 servant1 and several others1 are either male or female1 according to circumstances4 ,the word blue 7used as a substantive7 is one of this class4 ,it is a great pity that our language is so poor in the terminations that denote gender4 ,were we to say of a woman1 that she is a rogue1 a knave1 a scamp1 or a vagabond1 we feel that we should use1 not only strong but improper expressions4 ,yet we have no corresponding terms to apply1 in case of necessity1 to the female4 ,why is this8 ,doubtless because we never want them4 ,for the same reason1 our forefathers transmitted to us the words1 philosopher1 astronomer1 philologer1 and so forth1 without any feminine equivalent4 ,alas6 for the wisdom of our ancestors6 ,they never calculated on the ,march of ,intellect4 ,we understand that it is in contemplation to coin a new word1 memberess2 it being confidently expected that by the time the new ,houses of ,parliament are finished1 the progress of civilisation will have furnished us with female representatives4 ,in that case the ,house will be an assembly of ,speakers4 ,but if all the old women are to be turned out of ,st4 ,stephen's1 and their places to be filled with young ones1 the nation will hardly be a loser by the change4 ,,section ,,iii4 ,,of ,,number4 ,number is the consideration of an object as one or more2 as1 one poet1 two1 three1 four1 five poets2 and so on1 ad infinitum4 ,other countries may reckon up as many poets as they please2 ,england has one more4 ,the singular number expresses one object only2 as1 a towel1 a viper4 ,the plural signifies more objects than one2 as1 towels1 vipers4 ,some nouns are used only in the singular number2 dirt1 pitch1 tallow1 grease1 filth1 butter1 asparagus1 c42 others only in the plural2 as1 galligaskins1 breeches1 c4 ,some words are the same in both numbers2 as1 sheep1 swine1 and some others4 8,a doctor1 both to sheep and swine10 ,said ,mrs4 ,glass1 8,i am2 ,for legs of mutton ,i can dress1 ,and shine in curing ham40 ,the plural number of nouns is usually formed by adding s to the singular2 as1 dove1 doves1 love1 loves1 c4 ,julia1 dove returns to dove1 ,quid pro quo1 and love for love2 ,happy in our mutual loves1 ,let us live like turtle doves6 ,illustration ,when1 however1 the substantive singular ends in x1 ch soft1 sh1 ss1 or s1 we add es in the plural4 ,but remember1 though box ,in the plural makes boxes1 ,that the plural of ox ,should be oxen1 not oxes4 ,a few ,singular ,plurals1 or ,plurals popularly varied1 are as follow3-- ,,singular4 ,,plural4 ,beast ,beastes1 beastices4 ,crust ,crustes4 ,gust ,gustes4 ,ghost ,ghostes4 ,host ,hostes4 ,joist ,joistes4 ,mist ,mistes4 ,nest ,nestes4 ,post1 c4 ,postes1 postices1 c4 ,note4--,the singular is often used1 by a kind of licence conceded to persons of refinement1 for the plural2 as1 8,may ,i trouble you for a bean80 8,will you assist ,miss ,spriggins to a pea80 ,so also people say1 8,a few green40 8,two or three radish10 c4 ,,section ,,iv4 ,,of ,,case4 ,there is nearly as much difference between ,latin and ,english substantives1 with respect to the number of cases pertaining to each1 as there is between a quack-doctor and a physician2 for while in ,latin substantives have six cases1 in ,english they have but three4 ,but the analogy should not be strained too far2 for the fools in the world 7who furnish the quack with his cases7 more than double the number of the wise4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,very ,,bad ,,case4 ,the cases of substantives are these3 the ,nominative1 the ,possessive or ,genitive1 and the ,objective or ,accusative4 ,the ,nominative ,case merely expresses the name of a thing1 or the subject of the verb3 as1 8,the doctors differ20--8,the patient dies60 ,possession1 which is nine points of the law1 is what is signified by the ,possessive ,case4 ,this case is distinguished by an apostrophe1 with the letter s subjoined to it3 as1 8,my soul's idol60--8,a pudding's end40 ,but when the plural ends in s1 the apostrophe only is retained1 and the other s is omitted3 as1 8,the ,ministers' ,step20--8,the ,rogues' ,march20--8,crocodiles' tears20--8,butchers' mourning40 ,when the singular terminates in ss1 the letter s is sometimes1 in like manner1 dispensed with3 as1 8,for goodness' sake60--8,for righteousness' sake60 ,nevertheless1 we have no objection to 8,guinness's0 ,stout4 ,the ,objective ,case follows a verb active1 and expresses the object of an action1 or of a relation3 as1 8,spring beat ,bill20 that is1 ,bill or 8,william ,neate40 ,hence1 perhaps1 the ,american phrase1 8,i'll lick you elegant40 ,by the by1 it seems to us1 that when the ,americans revolted from the authority of ,england1 they determined also to revolutionise their language4 ,the ,objective ,case is also used with a preposition3 as1 8,you are in a mess40 ,english substantives may be declined in the following manner3-- ,,singular4 ,what is the nominative case ,of her who used to wash your face1 ,your hair to comb1 your boots to lace8 ,a mother6 ,what the possessive8 ,whose the slap ,that taught you not to spill your pap1 ,or to avoid a like mishap8 ,a mother's6 ,and shall ,i the objective show8 ,what do ,i hear where'er ,i go8 ,how is your8--whom they mean ,i know1 ,my mother6 ,,plural4 ,who are the anxious watchers o'er ,the slumbers of a little bore1 ,that screams whene'er it doesn't snore8 ,why1 mothers6 ,whose pity wipes its piping eyes1 ,and stills maturer childhood's cries1 ,stopping its mouth with cakes and pies8 ,oh6 mothers'6 ,and whom1 when master1 fierce and fell1 ,dusts truant varlets' jackets well1 ,whom do they1 roaring1 run and tell8 ,their mothers6 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,of ,,adjectives4 ,,section ,i4 ,,of ,,the ,,nature ,,of ,,adjectives ,,and ,,the ,,degrees ,,of ,,comparison4 ,an ,english ,adjective1 whatever may be its gender1 number1 or case1 like a rusty weathercock1 never varies4 ,thus we say1 8,a certain cabinet2 certain rogues40 ,but as a rusty weathercock may vary in being more or less rusty1 so an adjective varies in the degrees of comparison4 ,the degrees of comparison1 like the genders1 the ,graces1 the ,fates1 the ,kings of ,cologne1 the ,weird ,sisters1 the ,jolly ,postboys1 and many other things1 are three2 the ,positive1 the ,comparative1 and the ,superlative4 ,the ,positive state simply expresses the quality of an object2 as1 fat1 ugly1 foolish4 ,the ,comparative degree increases or lessens the signification of the positive2 as1 fatter1 uglier1 more foolish1 less foolish4 ,the ,superlative degree increases or lessens the positive to the highest or lowest degree2 as1 fattest1 ugliest1 most foolish1 least foolish4 ,amongst the ancients1 ,ulysses was the fattest1 because nobody could compass him4 ,aristides the ,just was the ugliest1 because he was so very plain4 ,the most foolish1 undoubtedly1 was ,homer2 for who was more natural than he8 ,the positive becomes the comparative by the addition of r or er2 and the superlative by the addition of st or est to the end of it2 as1 brown1 browner1 brownest2 stout1 stouter1 stoutest2 heavy1 heavier1 heaviest2 wet1 wetter1 wettest4 ,the adverbs more and most1 prefixed to the adjective1 also form the superlative degree2 as1 heavy1 more heavy1 most heavy4 ,most heavy is the drink of draymen3 hence1 perhaps1 the weight of those important personages4 ,more of this1 however1 in our forthcoming work on ,phrenology4 ,monosyllables are usually compared by er and est1 and dissyllables by more and most2 except dissyllables ending in y or in le before a mute1 or those which are accented on the last syllable2 for these1 like monosyllables1 easily admit of er and est4 ,but these terminations are scarcely ever used in comparing words of more than two syllables4 ,we have some words1 which1 from custom1 are irregular in respect of comparison2 as1 good1 better1 best2 bad1 worse1 worst1 c4 ,much amusement may be derived from the comparisons of adjectives1 as made by natural grammarians2 a class of beings who generally inhabit the kitchen or stable1 but may sometimes be met with in more elevated regions4 ,a few examples will not be out of place4 ,we are not speaking of servants1 but of degrees of comparison2 as1 ,,positive4 ,,comparative4 ,,superlative4 ,good ,more better1 ,most best1 betterer or more bestest4 betterer4 ,tight ,more tighter1 ,most tightest4 tighterer or more tighterer4 ,bad ,wuss or wusser4 ,wust or wussest4 ,handsome ,more handsomer like4 ,most handsomest4 ,extravagant ,extravaganter1 ,extravagantest1 more extravaganter4 most extravagantest4 ,stupid ,stupider1 ,stupidest1 more stupider4 most stupidest4 ,little ,littler1 more littler4 ,littlest1 most littlest4 ,with many others4 ,here also may be adduced the ,yankee's 8notion0 of comparison2 8,my uncle's a tarnation rogue2 but ,i'm a tarnationer40 ,,section ,,ii4 ,a ,,few ,,remarks ,,on ,,the ,,subject ,,of ,,comparison4 ,comparisons appear to have been strongly disapproved of by ,dr4 ,johnson4 8,sir10 said he1 8the ,whigs make comparisons40 ,it must be confessed that the ,doctor's meaning is not quite so evident here as it is in general2 but that may be the fault of his biographer4 ,perhaps some of the ,whigs had been making comparisons at his expense1 or impertinent comparisons1 which his temper1 being positive1 may have tempted them to indulge in4 ,or they may have been out in making their comparisons1 which1 in that case1 must of course have been bad4 ,but a truce to speculations of this kind1 on the saying of one1 another of whose dogmas was1 that 8the man who could make a pun would also pick a pocket40 ,we only hope1 that such comparisons as we may make1 will no more vex his spirit now than they would once have aroused his bile4 ,lindley ,murray judiciously observes1 that 8if we consider the subject of comparison attentively1 we shall perceive that the degrees of it are infinite in number1 or at least indefinite30 and he proceeds to say1 8,a mountain is larger than a mite2 by how many degrees8 ,how much bigger is the earth than a grain of sand8 ,by how many degrees was ,socrates wiser than ,alcibiades8 or by how many is snow whiter than this paper8 ,it is plain10 quoth ,lindley1 8that to these and the like questions no definite answers can be returned40 ,no2 but an impertinent one may4 ,ask the first charity-boy you meet any one of them1 and see if he does not immediately respond1 8,ax my eye20 or1 8,as much again as half40 ,but when quantity can be exactly measured1 the degrees of excess may be exactly ascertained4 ,a foot is just twelve times as long as an inch2 a tailor is nine times less than a man4 ,moreover1 to compensate for the indefiniteness of the degrees of comparison1 we use certain adverbs and words of like import1 whereby we render our meaning tolerably intelligible2 as1 8,byron was a much greater poet than ,muggins40 8,honey is a great deal sweeter than wax40 8,sugar is considerably more pleasant than the cane40 8,maria says1 that ,dick the butcher is by far the most killing young man she knows40 ,the words very1 exceedingly1 and the like1 placed before the positive1 give it the force of the superlative2 and this is called by some the superlative of eminence1 as distinguished from the superlative of comparison4 ,thus1 ,very ,reverend is termed the superlative of eminence1 although it is the title of a dean1 not of a cardinal2 and ,most ,reverend1 the appellation of an ,archbishop1 is called the superlative of comparison4 ,a ,bishop1 in our opinion1 is ,most ,excellent4 ,the comparative is sometimes so employed as to express the same pre-eminence or inferiority as the superlative4 ,for instance2 the sentence1 8,of all the cultivators of science1 the botanist is the most crafty10 has the same meaning as the following 8,the botanist is more crafty than any other cultivator of science40 ,why8 some of our readers will ask-- ,because he is acquainted with all sorts of plants4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,of ,,pronouns4 ,pronouns or proxy-nouns are of three kinds2 namely1 the ,personal1 the ,relative1 and the ,adjective ,pronouns4 ,note4--,that when we said1 some few pages back1 that a pronoun was a word used instead of a noun1 we did not mean to call such words as thingumibob1 whatsiname1 what-d'ye-call-it1 and the like1 pronouns4 ,and that1 although we shall proceed to treat of the pronouns in the ,english language1 we shall have nothing to do1 at present1 with what some people please to call pronoun-ciation4 ,,section ,i4 ,,of ,,the ,,personal ,,pronouns4 8,mr4 ,haddams1 don't be personal1 ,sir60 8,i'm not1 ,sir40 8,you har1 ,sir60 8,what did ,i say1 ,sir8--tell me that40 8,you reflected on my perfession1 ,sir2 you said1 as there was some people as always stuck up for the cloth2 and you insinnivated that certain parties dined off goose by means of cabbaging from the parish4 ,i ask any gentleman in the westry1 if that an't personal80 ,illustration3 ,a ,,select ,,vestry4 8,vell1 ,sir1 vot ,i says ,i'll stick to40 8,yes1 ,sir1 like vax1 as the saying is40 8,wot d'ye mean by that1 ,sir80 8,wot ,i say1 ,sir60 8,you're a individual1 ,sir60 8,you're another1 ,sir60 8,you're no gentleman1 ,sir60 8,you're a humbug1 ,sir60 8,you're a knave1 ,sir60 8,you're a rogue1 ,sir60 8,you're a wagabond1 ,sir60 8,you're a willain1 ,sir60 8,you're a tailor1 ,sir60 8,you're a cobbler1 ,sir60 7,order6 order6 chair6 chair6 c47 ,the above is what is called personal language4 ,how many different things one word serves to express in ,english6 ,a pronoun may be as personal as possible1 and yet nobody will take offence at it4 ,there are five ,personal ,pronouns2 namely1 ,i1 thou1 he1 she1 it2 with their plurals1 we1 ye or you1 they4 ,personal ,pronouns admit of person1 number1 gender1 and case4 ,pronouns have three persons in each number4 ,in the ,singular2 ,i1 is the first person4 ,thou1 is the second person4 ,he1 she1 or it1 is the third person4 ,in the plural2 ,we1 is the first person4 ,ye or you1 is the second person4 ,they1 is the third person4 ,this account of persons will be very intelligible when the following ,pastoral ,fragment is reflected on3-- ,,he4 ,i love thee1 ,susan1 on my life3 ,thou art the maiden for a wife4 ,he who lives single is an ass2 ,she who ne'er weds a luckless lass4 ,it's tiresome work to live alone2 ,so come with me1 and be my own4 ,,she4 ,we maids are oft by men deceived2 ,ye don't deserve to be believed2 ,you don't--but there's my hand--heigho6 ,they tell us1 women can't say no6 ,the speaker or speakers are of the first person2 those spoken to1 of the second2 and those spoken of1 of the third4 ,of the three persons1 the first is the most universally admired4 ,the second is the object of much adulation and flattery1 and now and then of a little abuse4 ,the third person is generally made small account of2 and1 amongst other grievances1 suffers a great deal from being frequently bitten about the back4 ,the ,numbers of pronouns1 like those of substantives1 are1 as we have already seen1 two2 the singular and the plural4 ,in addressing yourself to anybody1 it is customary to use the second person plural instead of the singular4 ,this practice most probably arose from a notion1 that to be thought twice the man that the speaker was1 gratified the vanity of the person addressed4 ,thus1 the ,french put a double ,monsieur on the backs of their letters4 ,editors say 8,we10 instead of 8,i10 out of modesty4 ,the ,quakers continue to say 8thee0 and 8thou10 in the use of which pronouns1 as well as in the wearing of broad-brimmed hats and of stand-up collars1 they perceive a peculiar sanctity4 ,gender has to do only with the third person singular of the pronouns1 he1 she1 it4 ,he is masculine2 she is feminine2 it is neuter4 ,pronouns have the like cases with substantives2 the nominative1 the possessive1 and the objective4 ,would that they were the hardest cases to be met with in this country6 ,the personal pronouns are thus declined3-- ,,first ,,person ,,first ,,person ,,case4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 ,nom4 ,i ,we4 ,poss4 ,mine ,ours4 ,obj4 ,me ,us4 ,pronouns1 you see1 are declined without fuss4 ,,case4 ,,second ,,person4 ,,second ,,person4 ,nom4 ,thou ,ye or you4 ,poss4 ,thine ,yours4 ,obj4 ,thee ,you4 ,how glad ,i shall be when my task ,i've got through6 ,now the third person singular1 as we before observed1 has genders2 and we shall therefore decline it in a different way4 ,variety is charming4 ,,third ,,person ,,singular4 ,,case4 ,,masc4 ,,fem4 ,,neut4 ,nom4 ,he ,she ,it4 ,well done ,kit6 ,poss4 ,his4 ,hers ,its4 ,now ,tom's quits4 ,obj4 ,him ,her ,it4 ,deuce a bit6 ,,case4 ,,plural4 ,nom4 ,they ,poss4 ,theirs4 ,obj4 ,them4 ,reader1 ,mem4 ,we beg to inform thee1 that the third person plural has no distinction of gender4 ,,section ,,ii4 ,,of ,,the ,,relative ,,pronouns4 ,the ,pronouns called ,relative are such as relate1 for the most part1 to some word or phrase1 called the antecedent1 on account of its going before3 they are1 who1 which1 and that3 as1 8,the man who does not drink enough when he can get it1 is a fool2 but he that drinks too much is a beast40 ,what is usually equivalent to that which1 and is1 therefore1 a kind of compound relative1 containing both the antecedent and the relative2 as1 8,you want what you'll very soon have60 that is to say1 the thing which you will very soon have4 ,who is applied to persons1 which to animals and things without life2 as1 8,he is a gentleman who keeps a horse and lives respectably40 8,to the dog which pinned the old woman1 they cried1 #8,csar6'0 8,this is the tree which ,larkins called a helm40 ,larkins4--,i say1 ,nibbs1 ven is a helm box like a asthmatical chest8 ,nibbs4--,ven it's a coffin4 ,that1 as a relative1 is used to prevent the too frequent repetition of who and which1 and is applied both to persons and things2 as1 8,he that stops the bottle is a ,cork man40 8,this is the house that ,jack built40 ,who is of both numbers2 and so is an ,editor2 for1 according to what we observed just now1 he is both singular and plural4 ,who1 we repeat1 is of both numbers1 and is thus declined3-- ,,singular ,,and ,,plural4 ,nominative4 ,who ,is the maiden to woo8 ,genitive4 ,whose ,hand shall ,i choose8 ,accusative4 ,whom ,to despair shall ,i doom8 ,which1 that1 and what are indeclinable2 except that whose is sometimes used as the possessive case of which2 as1 8,the roe1 poor dear1 laments amain1 ,whose sweet hart was by hunter slain40 ,thus whose is substituted for of which1 in the following example3-- 8,there is a blacking famed1 of which ,the sale made ,day and ,martin rich2 ,there is another blacking1 whose ,compounder patronised the ,muse40#b ,who1 which1 and what1 when they are used in asking questions1 are called ,interrogatives2 as1 8,who is ,mr4 ,walker80 8,which is the left side of a round plum-pudding80 8,what is the damage80 ,those who have made popular phraseology their study1 will have found that which is sometimes used for whereas1 and words of like signification2 as in ,dean ,swift's 8,mary the ,cookmaid's ,letter to ,dr4 ,sheridan03-- 8,and now ,i know whereby you would fain make an excuse1 ,because my master one day in anger call'd you a goose2 ,which1 and ,i am sure ,i have been his servant since ,october1 ,and he never called me worse than sweetheart1 drunk or sober40 ,what1 or1 to speak more improperly1 wot1 is generally substituted by cabmen and costermongers for who2 as1 8,the donkey wot wouldn't go40 8,the man wot sweeps the crossing40 ,that1 likewise1 is very frequently rejected by the vulgar1 who use as in its place2 as1 8,them as asks shan't have any2 and them as don't ask don't want any40 ,,section ,,iii4 ,,of ,,the ,,adjective ,,pronouns4 ,adjective pronouns partake of the nature of both pronouns and adjectives4 ,they may be subdivided into four sorts3 the possessive1 the distributive1 the demonstrative1 and the indefinite4 ,the possessive pronouns are those which imply possession or property4 ,of these there are seven2 namely1 my1 thy1 his1 her1 our1 your1 their4 ,the word self is added to possessives2 as1 myself1 yourself1 8,says ,i to myself1 says ,i40 ,self is also sometimes used with personal pronouns2 as1 himself1 itself1 themselves4 ,his self is a common1 but not a proper expression4 ,illustration3 ,,self-,,esteem4 ,the distributive are three3 each1 every1 either2 they denote the individual persons or things separately1 which1 when taken together1 make up a number4 ,each is used when two or more persons or things are mentioned singly2 as1 8each of the ,catos20 8each of the ,browns40 ,every relates to one out of several2 as1 8,every mare is a horse1 but every horse is not a mare40 ,either refers to one out of two2 as1 8,when ,i between two jockeys ride1 ,i have a knave on either side40 ,neither signifies 8not either20 as 8,neither of the ,bacons was related to ,hogg40 ,the demonstrative pronouns precisely point out the subjects to which they relate2 such are this and that1 with their plurals these and those2 as1 8,this is a foreign ,prince2 that is an ,english ,peer40 ,this refers to the nearest person or thing1 and to the latter or last mentioned2 that to the most distant1 and to the former or first mentioned2 as1 8,this is a man2 that is a nondescript40 8,at the period of the ,reformation in ,scotland1 a curious contrast between the ancient and modern ecclesiastical systems was observed2 for while that had been always maintained by a ,bull1 this was now supported by a ,knox40 ,the indefinite are those which express their subjects in an indefinite or general manner2 as1 some1 other1 any1 one1 all1 such1 c4 ,when the definite article the comes before the word other1 those who do not know better1 are accustomed to strike out the he in the1 and to say1 t'other4 ,the same persons also use other in the comparative degree2 for sometimes1 instead of saying quite the reverse1 or perhaps rewerse1 they avail themselves of the expression1 more t'other4 ,so much for the ,pronouns4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,of ,,verbs4 ,,section ,i4 ,,of ,,the ,,nature ,,of ,,verbs ,,in ,,general4 ,the nature of ,verbs in general1 and that in all languages1 is1 that they are the most difficult things in the ,grammar4 ,verbs are divided into ,active1 ,passive1 and ,neuter2 and also into ,regular1 ,irregular1 and ,defective4 ,to these divisions we beg to add another2 ,verbs ,comic4 ,a ,verb ,active implies an agent1 and an object acted upon2 as1 to love2 8,i love ,wilhelmina ,stubbs40 ,here1 ,i am the agent2 that is1 the lover2 and ,wilhelmina ,stubbs is the object acted upon1 or the beloved object4 ,a ,verb ,passive expresses the suffering1 feeling1 or undergoing of something2 and therefore implies an object acted upon1 and an agent by which it is acted upon2 as1 to be loved2 8,wilhelmina ,stubbs is loved by me40 ,a ,verb ,neuter expresses neither action nor passion1 but a state of being2 as1 ,i bounce1 ,i lie4 ,illustration3 8,fact1 ,madam60 8,gracious1 ,major60 ,of ,verbs ,regular1 ,irregular1 and ,defective1 we shall have somewhat to say hereafter4 ,verbs ,comic are1 for the most part1 verbs which cannot be found in the dictionary1 and are used to express ordinary actions in a jocular manner2 as1 to 8morris10 to 8bolt10 to 8mizzle10 which signify to go or to depart2 to 8bone10 to 8prig10 that is to say1 to steal2 to 8collar10 which means to seize1 an expression probably derived from the mode of prehension1 or rather apprehension characteristic of the ,new ,police1 as it is one very much in the mouths of those who most frequently come in contact with that body3 to 8lush10 or drink2 to 8grub10 or eat2 to 8sell10 or deceive1 c4 ,under the head of ,verbs ,comic1 the ,yankee-isms1 ,i 8calculate10 ,i 8reckon10 ,i 8realise10 ,i 8guess10 and the like1 may also be properly enumerated4 ,auxiliary1 or helping ,verbs 7by the way1 we marvel that the ,americans do not call their servants auxiliaries instead of helps17 are those1 by the help of which we are chiefly enabled to conjugate our verbs in ,english4 ,they are1 do1 be1 have1 shall1 will1 may1 can1 with their variations2 and let and must1 which have no variation4 ,let1 however1 when it is anything but a helping verb1 as1 for instance1 when it signifies to hinder1 makes lettest and letteth4 ,the phrase1 8,this ,house to ,let10 generally used instead of 8to be let10 really meaning the reverse of what it is intended to convey1 is a piece of comic ,english4 ,to verbs belong ,number1 ,person1 ,mood1 and ,tense4 ,these may be called the properties of a verb2 and like those of opium1 they are soporiferous properties4 ,there are two very important objects which the writer of every book has1 or ought to have in view1 to get a reader who is wide awake1 and to keep him so3--the latter of which1 when ,number1 ,person1 ,mood1 and ,tense are to be treated of1 is no such easy matter2 seeing that the said writer is then in some danger of going to sleep himself4 ,never mind4 ,if we nod1 let the reader wink4 ,what can't be cured must be endured4 ,,section ,,ii4 ,,of ,,number ,,and ,,person4 ,verbs have two numbers1 the ,singular and the ,plural2 as1 8,i fiddle1 we fiddle10 c4 ,in each number there are three persons2 as ,,singular4 ,,plural4 ,first ,person ,i love ,we love4 ,second ,person ,thou lovest ,ye or you love4 ,third ,person ,he loves ,they love4 ,what a deal there is in every ,grammar about love6 ,here the following ,lines1 by a ,young ,lady 7now no more71 addressed to ,lindley ,murray1 deserve to be recorded3-- 8,oh1 ,murray6 fatal name to me1 ,thy burning page with tears is wet2 ,since first #8to love' ,i learned of thee1 ,teach me1 ah6 teach me #8to forget6'0 ,,section ,,iii4 ,,of ,,moods ,,and ,,participles4 ,mood or ,mode is a particular form of the verb1 or a certain variation which it undergoes1 showing the manner in which the being1 action1 or passion1 is represented4 ,the moods of verbs are five1 the ,indicative1 the ,imperative1 the ,potential1 the ,subjunctive1 and the ,infinitive4 ,the ,indicative ,mood simply points out or declares a thing3 as1 8,he teaches1 he is taught20 or it asks a question3 as1 8,does he teach8 ,is he taught80 ,q4 ,why is old age the best teacher8 ,a4 ,because he gives you the most wrinkles4 ,q4 ,why does a rope support a rope-dancer8 ,a4 ,because it is taught4 ,the ,imperative ,mood commands1 exhorts1 entreats1 or permits3 as1 8,vanish thou2 trot ye2 let us hop2 be off60 ,the ,potential ,mood implies possibility or liberty1 power1 will1 or obligation3 as1 8,a waiter may be honest4 ,you may stand upon truth or lie4 ,i can filch4 ,he would cozen4 ,they should learn40 ,the ,subjunctive ,mood is used to represent a thing as done conditionally2 and is preceded by a conjunction1 expressed or understood1 and accompanied by another verb3 as1 8,if the skies should fall1 larks would be caught40 8,were ,i to punch your head1 ,i should serve you right20 that is1 8if ,i were to punch your head40 ,the ,infinitive ,mood expresses a thing generally1 without limitation1 and without any distinction of number or person3 as1 8to quarrel1 to fight1 to be licked40 ,the ,participle is a peculiar form of the verb1 and is so called1 because it participates in the properties both of a verb and of an adjective3 as1 8,may ,i have the pleasure of dancing with you80 8,mounted on a tub he addressed the bystanders40 8,having uplifted a stave1 they departed40 ,the ,participles are three2 the ,present or ,active1 the ,perfect or ,passive1 and the ,compound ,perfect3 as1 8,i felt nervous at the thought of popping the question1 but that once popped1 ,i was not sorry for having popped it40 ,the worst of popping the question is1 that the report is always sure to get abroad4 ,,section ,,iv4 ,,of ,,the ,,tenses4 ,tense is the distinction of time1 and consists of six divisions1 namely1 the ,present1 the ,imperfect1 the ,perfect1 the ,pluperfect1 and the ,first and ,second ,future ,tenses4 ,time is also distinguished by a fore lock1 scythe1 and hour-glass2 but the youthful reader must bear in mind1 that these things are not to be confounded with tenses4 ,the ,present ,tense1 as its name implies1 represents an action or event occurring at the present time3 as1 8,i lament2 rogues prosper2 the mob rules40 ,the ,imperfect ,tense represents a past action or event1 but which1 like a mutton chop1 may be either thoroughly done1 or not thoroughly done2 were it meet1 we should say under-done3 as1 8,when ,i was a little boy some fifteen years ago1 ,my mammy doted on me--,lork6 she made me quite a show40 8,when our reporter left1 the ,honourable ,gentleman was still on his legs40 ,the legs of most 8,honourable ,gentlemen0 must be tolerably stout ones2 for the 8majority0 do not stand on trifles4 ,however1 we are not going to commit ourselves1 like some folks1 nor to get committed1 like other folks2 so we will leave 8,honourable ,gentlemen0 to manage matters their own way4 ,the ,perfect ,tense declares a thing to have been done at some time1 though an indefinite one1 antecedent to the present time4 ,that1 however1 which the ,perfect ,tense represents as done1 is completely1 or1 as we say of ,john ,bull1 when he is humbugged by the thimble-rig people1 regularly done2 as1 8,i have been out on the river40 8,i have caught a crab40 ,catching a crab is a thing regularly 7in another sense than completely7 done1 when civic swains pull young ladies up to ,richmond4 ,we beg to inform persons unacquainted with aquatic phraseology1 that 8pulling up0 young ladies1 or others1 is a very different thing from 8pulling up0 an omnibus conductor or a cabman4 ,what an equivocal language is ours6 ,how much less agreeable to be 8pulled up0 at ,bow ,street than to be 8pulled up0 in a wherry6 how wide the discrepancy between 8pulling up0 radishes and 8pulling up0 horses6 ,the ,pluperfect ,tense represents a thing as doubly past2 that is1 as past previously to some other point of time also past2 as1 8,i fell in love before ,i had arrived at years of discretion40 ,illustration ,the ,first ,future ,tense represents the action as yet to come1 either at a certain or an uncertain time2 as1 8,the tailor will send my coat home to-morrow2 and when ,i find it perfectly convenient1 ,i shall pay him40 ,the ,second ,future intimates that the action will be completed at or before the time of another future action or event2 as1 8,i wonder how many conquests ,i shall have made by to-morrow morning40 ,n4,b4 ,one ball is often the means of killing a great many people4 ,the consideration of the tenses suggests various moral reflections to the thinking mind4 ,a few examples will perhaps suffice3-- #a4 ,present1 though moderate fruition1 is preferable to splendid1 but contingent futurity2 i4 e4 ,a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush4 #b4 ,imperfect nutrition is less to be deprecated than privation of aliment2--a new way of putting an old proverb1 which we need not again insert1 respecting half a loaf4 #c4 ,perfect callidity was the distinguishing attribute of the ,curved ,pedestrian4 ,callidity is another word for craftiness2 but for the exercise of the reader's ingenuity1 we forbear to mention the person alluded to as so remarkable for his astutious qualities4 ,q4 ,what species of writing is most conducive to morality8 ,a4 ,text-hand4 ,,section ,v4 ,,the ,,conjugation ,,of ,,the ,,auxiliary ,,verbs ,,to ,,have ,,and ,,to ,,be4 ,we have observed that boys1 in conjugating verbs1 give no indications of delight1 except that which an ingenuous disposition always feels in the acquisition of knowledge4 ,now1 having arrived at that part of the ,grammar in which it becomes necessary that these same verbs should be considered1 we feel ourselves in an awkward dilemma4 ,the omission of the conjugations is a serious omission--which1 of course1 is objectionable in a comic work--and the insertion of them would be equally serious1 and therefore quite as improper4 ,what shall we do8 ,we will adopt a middle course2 referring the reader to ,murray and other talented authors for full information on these matters2 and requesting him to be content with our confining ourselves to what is more especially suitable to these pages--a short summary of the ,comicalities of verbs4 ,the ,conjugation of a verb is the combination and arrangement of its numbers1 persons1 moods1 and tenses4 ,the ,comicalities of verbs consist in certain liberties taken with their numbers1 persons1 moods1 and tenses4 ,the ,conjugation of an active verb is called the ,active ,voice1 and that of a passive ,verb the ,passive ,voice4 ,if verbs have voices1 it is but reasonable that walls should have ears4 ,the auxiliary and active verb ,to ,have is thus peculiarly conjugated by some people in some of its moods and tenses4 ,,to ,,have4 ,,indicative ,,mood4 ,,present ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,pers4 ,i has4 #a4 ,pers4 ,we has4 #b4 ,thee'st4 #b4 ,ye or you has4 #c4 ,he've4 #c4 ,they has4 ,,perfect ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i'ze had4 #a4 ,we'ze had4 #b4 ,thee'st had4 #b4 ,ye or you'ze had4 #c4 ,he've had4 #c4 ,they'ze had4 ,,first ,,future ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i sholl or ool ha'4 #a4 ,we shool or ool ha'4 #b4 ,thee shat or oot ha'4 #b4 ,ye or you sholl or ool ha'4 #c4 ,he sholl or ool ha'4 #c4 ,they sholl or ool ha'4 ,,imperative ,,mood4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,let me ha'4 #a4 ,let's ha'4 #b4 ,ha'1 or ha thou1 or do #b4 ,ha1 or ha ye1 or do ye1 thee ha'4 or you ha'4 #c4 ,let un ha'4 #c4 ,let um ha'4 ,,potential ,,mood4 ,,present ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i med or can ha'4 #a4 ,we med or can ha'4 #b4 ,thee medst or canst ha'4 #b4 ,ye or you med or can ha'4 #c4 ,he med or can ha'4 #c4 ,they med or can ha'4 ,,subjunctive ,,mood4 ,,present ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,if ,i has4 #a4 ,if we has4 #b4 ,if thee hast #b4 ,if ye or you has4 #c4 ,if he ha'4 #c4 ,if they has4 ,,infinitive ,,mood4 ,present1 ,to ha'4 ,perfect1 ,to a had4 ,,participles4 ,present or ,active1 ,havun or ,avun4 ,perfect1 ',ad4 ,compound ,perfect1 ,havun 'ad4 ,the auxiliary and neuter verb ,to ,be1 is maltreated as follows3 ,,to ,,be4 7,toby or not ,toby8--that is the question67 ,,indicative ,,mood4 ,,present ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i be4 #a4 ,we be4 #b4 ,thee bist4 #b4 ,ye or you be4 #c4 ,he1 she or it am4 #c4 ,they be or am4 ,,imperfect ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i wor1 or wus4 #a4 ,we wus4 #b4 ,thee wort4 #b4 ,ye or you wus4 #c4 ,he wur4 #c4 ,they wur4 8,when ,i say as you was1 ,i mean1 as you were40 ,,perfect ,,tense4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,i've a bin4 #a4 ,we've a bin4 #b4 ,thee'st a bin4 #b4 ,ye or you've a bin4 #c4 ,he've a bin4 #c4 ,they've a bin4 ,,imperative ,,mood4 ,,singular4 ,,plural4 #a4 ,let ,i be4 #a4 ,let we be4 #b4 ,be thee or 'st thee be4 #b4 ,do 'ee be4 #c4 ,let un be4 #c4 ,let um be4 ,,infinitive ,,mood4 ,present ,tense1 ,for to be4 ,perfect1 ,for to ha' bin4 ,,participles4 ,present1 ,beun4 ,perfect1 ,bin4 ,compound ,perfect1 ,havun bin4 ,if being a younster1 ,i had not been smitten1 ,of having been jilted ,i should not complain1 ,take warning from me all ye lads who are bitten1 ,when this part of ,grammar occurs to your brain4 ,as there is a certain intensity of feeling abroad1 which renders people indisposed to trouble themselves with verbal matters1 we shall take the liberty of making very short work of the ,regular ,verbs4 ,even ,murray can only afford to conjugate one example1--,to ,love4 ,the learner must amplify this part of the ,grammar for himself3 and we recommend him to substitute for 8to love10 some word less harrowing to a sensitive mind3 as1 8to fleece1 to tax10 verbs which excite disagreeable emotions only in a sordid one2 and which also1 by association of ideas1 conduct us to useful reflections on ,political ,economy4 ,we advise all whom it may concern1 however1 to pay the greatest attention to this part of the ,grammar1 and before they come to the ,verbs ,regular1 to make a particular study of the ,auxiliary ,verbs3 not only for the excellent reasons set forth in 8,tristram ,shandy10 but also to avoid those awkward mistakes in which the ,comicalities of the ,verbs1 or ,verbal ,comicalities1 chiefly consist4 8,did it rain to-morrow80 asked ,monsieur ,grenouille4 8,yes it was60 replied ,monsieur ,crapaud4 ,we propose the following as an auxiliary mode of conjugating verbs3--8,i love to roam on the crested foam1 ,thou lovest to roam on the crested foam1 ,he loves to roam on the crested foam1 ,we love to roam on the crested foam1 ,ye or you love to roam on the crested foam1 ,they love to roam on the crested foam10 c4 ,these words1 if set to music1 might serve for a grammatical glee1 and would1 at all events1 be productive of mirth4 ,illustration ,the ,auxiliary ,verbs1 too1 are very useful when a peculiar emphasis is required3 as1 8,i shall give you a drubbing60 8,will you80 8,i know a trick worth two of that40 8,do you1 though80 8,it might10 as the ,quaker said to the ,yankee1 who wanted to know what his name might be2 8it might be ,beelzebub1 but it is not40 ,now we may as well say what we have to say about the conjugation of regular verbs active4 ,,section ,,vi4 ,,the ,,conjugation ,,of ,,regular ,,verbs ,,active4 ,regular ,verbs ,active are known by their forming their imperfect tense of the indicative mood1 and their perfect participle1 by adding to the verb ed1 or d only when the verb ends in e3 as1 ,,present4 ,,imperfect4 ,,perf4 ,,particip4 ,i reckon4 ,i reckoned4 ,reckoned4 ,i realise4 ,i realised4 ,realised4 ,here should follow the conjugation of the regular active verb1 or1 as a ,cockney ,romeo would say1 the regular torturing verb1 ,to ,love2 but we have already assigned a good reason for omitting it2 besides which we have to say1 that we think it a verb highly unfit for conjugation by youth1 as it tends to put ideas into their heads which they would otherwise never have thought of2 and it is moreover our opinion1 that several of our most gifted poets may1 with reason1 have attributed those unfortunate attachments which1 though formed in early youth1 served to embitter their whole lives1 to the poison which they thus sucked in with the milk1 so to speak1 of their ,mother ,tongue1 the ,grammar4 ,,passive4 ,verbs ,passive are said to be regular1 when their perfect participle is formed by the addition of d1 or ed to the verb3 as1 from the verb 8,to bless10 is formed the passive1 8,i am blessed1 ,i was blessed1 ,i shall be blessed10 c4 ,the conjugation of a passive verb is nothing more than the repetition of that of the auxiliary ,to ,be1 the perfect participle being added4 ,and now1 having cut the regular verbs 7as ,alexander did the ,gordian knot7 instead of conjugating them1 let us proceed to consider the ,,irregular ,,verbs4 ,,section ,,vii4 ,irregular ,verbs are those of which the imperfect tense and the perfect participle are not formed by adding d or ed to the verb3 as1 ,,present4 ,,imperfect4 ,,perfect ,,part4 ,i blow4 ,i blew4 blown4 ,to say ,i am blown1 is1 under certain circumstances1 such as windy and tempestuous weather1 proper enough2 but ,i am blowed1 it will at once be perceived1 is not only an ungrammatical1 but also a vulgar expression4 ,great liberties are taken with the ,irregular ,verbs1 insomuch that in the mouths of some persons1 divers of them become doubly irregular in the formation of their participles4 ,among such ,irregular ,verbs we may enumerate the following3-- ,,present4 ,,imperfect4 ,,perf4 ,,or ,,pass4 ,,part4 ,am wur bin4 ,beat bet or bate bate4 ,burst bust busted4 ,catch cotch cotched ,come kim comed4 ,creep crup crup4 ,drive druv driv4 ,freeze friz froze4 ,give guv giv4 ,go goed went4 ,rise riz rose4 ,see sid sin1 c4 ,some verbs which in this country are held to be regular1 are treated as irregular verbs in ,america3 as1 ,,present4 ,,imperfect4 ,,perf4 ,,or ,,pass4 ,,part4 ,row rew rown4 ,snow snew snown4 ,,section ,,viii4 ,,of ,,defective ,,verbs4 ,most men have five senses1 ,most verbs have six tenses2 ,but as there are some folks ,who are blind1 deaf1 or dumb folks1 ,just so there are some verbs ,defective1 or rum verbs1 which are used only in some of their moods and tenses4 ,the principal of them are these3-- ,,imperf4 ,,perf4 ,,or ,,pass4 ,,part4 ,can could nix4 ,may might -- ,shall should -- ,will would -- ,must must -- ,ought ought -- -- quoth -- ,there is not1 perhaps1 anything in the defective verbs peculiarly valuable in a comic point of view4 ,however1 it should not be forgotten1 that ,can is one of the signs of the ,,pot-ential ,mood2 ,will1 ,would reminds us of the ,drapier's ,letters4 8,must0 is for the ,house of ,commons 7it used to be for the ,king74 ,ought1 ought1 with #a before it1 stands1 7in schoolboy phrase7 for #ajj4 ',tis naught1 so to speak1 however1 says ,murray4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,of ,,adverbs4 ,having as great a dislike as the youngest of our readers can have to repetitions1 we shall not say what an adverb is over again4 ,it is1 nevertheless1 right to observe1 that some adverbs are compared3 as1 far1 farther1 farthest2 near1 nearer1 nearest4 ,in comparing those which end in ly1 we use more and most3 as1 slowly1 more slowly1 most slowly4 ,q4 ,who1 of all the civic functionaries1 moves 8most slowly80 ,a4 ,mr4 ,hobler4 ,there are a great many adverbs in the ,english ,language3 their number is probably even greater than that of abusive epithets4 ,they are divisible into certain classes2 the chief of which are ,number1 ,order1 ,place1 ,time1 ,quantity1 ,manner or ,quality1 ,doubt1 ,affirmation1 ,negation1 ,interrogation1 and ,comparison4 ,a nice little list1 truly6 and perhaps some of our readers may suppose that we are going to exemplify it at length3 if so1 all we can say with regard to their expectation is1 that we wish they may get it gratified4 ,in the meantime1 we will not turn our ,grammar into a dictionary1 to please anybody4 ,however1 we have no objection to a brief illustration of the uses and properties of adverbs1 as contained in the following passage3-- 8,formerly1 when first ,i began to preach and to teach1 whithersoever ,i went1 the little boys followed me1 and now and then pelted me with brick-bats1 as heretofore they pelted ,ebenezer ,grimes4 ,and whensoever ,i opened my mouth1 straightways the ungodly began to crow4 ,oftentimes was ,i hit in the mouth with an orange3 yea1 and once1 moreover1 with a rotten egg2 whereat there was much laughter1 which1 notwithstanding1 ,i took in good part1 and wiped my face1 and looked pleasantly4 ,for peradventure ,i said1 they will listen to my sermon2 yea1 and after that we may have a collection4 ,so ,i was nowise discomfited2 wherefore ,i advise thee1 ,brother ,habakkuk1 to take no heed of thy persecutors1 seeing that ,i1 whereas ,i was once little better off than thyself1 have now a chapel of mine own4 ,and herein let thy mind be comforted1 that1 preach as much as thou wilt against the ,bishop1 thou wilt not1 therefore1 in these days1 be in danger of the pillory4 ,howbeit10 c4 ,vide ,life of the late pious and ,rev4 ,samuel ,simcox 7letter to ,habbakuk ,brown74 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,of ,,prepositions4 ,prepositions are1 for the most part1 put before nouns and pronouns3 as1 8out of the frying-pan into the fire40 ,two prepositions1 with and without1 are sometimes 7as we have been informed7 used in the place of substantives3 as1 8cold without1 warm with40 ,the preposition of is sometimes used as a part of speech of peculiar signification1 and one to which no name has as yet been applied3 as1 8,what have you been doing of80 ,at and up are not rarely used as verbs1 but we should scarcely have been justified in so classing them by the authority of any polite writer2 such use of them being confined to the vulgar3 as1 8,now then1 ,bill1 at him again40 8,so she upped with her fists1 and fetched him a whop40 ,after is improperly pronounced arter1 and against1 agin3 as1 8,hallo6 ,jim1 vot are you arter8 don't you know that ere's agin the ,law80 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,of ,,conjunctions4 ,a ,conjunction means literally1 a union or meeting together4 ,an ill-assorted marriage is ,illustration3 ,a ,,comical ,,conjunction4 ,but our conjunctions are used to connect words and sentences1 and have nothing to do with the joining of hands4 ,they are chiefly of two sorts1 the ,copulative and ,disjunctive4 ,the ,copulative ,conjunction is employed for the connection or continuation of a sentence3 as1 8,jack and ,gill went up the ,hill10 8,i will sing a song if ,gubbins will10 8,a thirsty man is like a ,city ,giant1 because he is a ,gog for drink40 ,the ,conjunction ,disjunctive is used not only for purposes of connection1 but also to express opposition of meaning in different degrees3 as1 8,though ,lord ,john is as cunning as a ,fox1 yet ,sir ,robert is as deep as a ,pitt40 8,we pay less for our letters1 but shall have to pay more for our panes3 they have lightened our postage1 but they will darken our rooms40 ,conjunctions are the hooks and eyes of ,language1 in which1 as well as in dress1 it is very possible to make an awkward use of them3 as1 8,for if the year consist of #cfe days #f hours1 and ,january have #ca days1 then the relation between the corpuscular theory of light and the new views of ,mr4 ,owen is at once subverted3 for1 #8,when ,ignorance is bliss1 'tis folly to be wise3' because #agfj yards make a mile2 and it is universally acknowledged that #8war is the madness of many for the gain of a few3' therefore ,sir ,isaac ,newton was quite right in supposing the diamond to be combustible40 ,the word as1 so often used in this and other ,grammars1 is a conjunction3 as1 8,mrs4 ,a4 is as well as can be expected40 ,illustration ,the ,siamese twins formed a singular conjunction4 ,a tin pot fastened to a dog's tail is a disagreeable conjunction to the unfortunate animal4 ,a happy pair may be regarded as an uncommon conjunction4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,interjections4 ,we have said almost enough about their ,etymology already4 ,still1 it may not be superfluous to bestow a passing notice on the singularly expressive character of certain of these parts of speech1 heard1 it is true1 repeatedly2 but unaccountably omitted in all previous ,grammars4 ,for instance1 how many lives does the warning1 8,hoy60 of the coachman or cab-driver daily save8 ,what an amount of infantile aberrations from propriety is the admonitory 8,paw-paw60 the means of checking4 ,with what felicity is acquiescence denoted by 8,umph60 ,the utility of the ,interjections on various occasions1 such as our meals1 for example1 in enabling us to economise our speech1 is very striking4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,of ,,derivation4 ,those who know ,latin1 ,greek1 ,saxon1 and the other languages from which our own is formed1 do not require to be instructed in philological derivation2 and on those who do not understand the said tongues1 such instruction would be thrown away4 ,in what manner ,english words are derived1 one from another1 the generality of persons know very well3 there are1 however1 a few words and phrases1 which it is expedient to trace to their respective sources2 not only because such an exercise is of itself delightful to the inquiring mind2 but because we shall thereby be furnished 7as we hope to show7 with a test by means of which1 on hearing an expression for the first time1 we shall be able1 in most instances1 to decide at once respecting its nature and quality4 ,there are several words in the ,english ,language which were originally ,terms of ,art1 but came in process of time to be applied metaphorically to the common purposes of discourse4 ,thus lodgings are sometimes called quarters2 a word which1 in its restricted sense1 signifies the lodgings of soldiers2 ill habits1 like diseases1 are said to be remedied2 men hope1 as if indicted for an offence1 that ladies will acquit them of inattention1 and so forth4 ,when1 as in the instances cited1 the word or phrase can be traced back either to one of the ,learned ,professions1 or to any source savouring of gentility1 it is esteemed a proper one1 and there is no objection to its use4 ,now we have divers other words1 of which many have but recently come into vogue1 which1 though by no means improper or immoral1 are absolutely unutterable in any polite assembly4 ,it is not1 at first1 very easy to see what can be the objection to their use2 but derivation explains it for us in the most satisfactory manner4 ,the truth is1 that the expressions in question take their origin from various trades and occupations1 in which they have1 for the most part1 a literal meaning2 and we now perceive what horrible suspicions respecting one's birth1 habits1 and education1 their figurative employment would be likely to excite4 ,to make the matter indisputably clear1 we will explain our position by a few examples4 ,,words ,,and ,,phrases4 ,,what ,,derived ,,from4 ,bone 7to steal71 ,butchers4 ,chisel 7to cheat71 ,carpenters4 ,clout 7to beat71 ,scullions4 ,to cut it fat1 ,cooks4 ,to come it strong1 ,publicans4 ,to draw it mild1 ,ditto4 ,to drop off the hooks1 ,butchers4 ,to miss your tip1 ,footmen4 ,to be done1 ,cooks4 ,to be done brown1 ,ditto4 ,to collar 7to seize71 ,thieves or policemen4 ,to be walked off1 ,ditto4 ,a sell1 ,jews4 ,a shine1 ,shoe-boys4 ,a wipe 7a handkerchief71 ,blackguards in general1 from its use4 ,a mawley 7a hand71 ,prizefighters4 ,to welt 7to beat71 ,cobblers4 ,to leather 7ditto71 ,ditto4 ,to strap 7ditto71 ,ditto4 ,to hide 7ditto71 ,curriers4 ,spicy 7showy71 ,grocers4 ,to hang out 7to dwell71 ,publicans4 ,a drag 7carriage71 ,stage-coachmen4 ,swamped 7ruined71 ,watermen4 ,to put one's oar in 7to interfere71 ,watermen4 ,get on with your barrow1 ,dogs'-meat-men4 ,kidderminster 7for carpet71 ,upholsterers4 ,mahogany 7for table71 ,ditto4 ,dodge 7trick71 ,pickpockets4 7,n4,b4 ,all those are obliged to have recourse to the dodge1 who are in the habit of outrunning the constable47 ,but1 to proceed with our ,etymology3 ,to bung up an eye1 ,brewers4 ,to chalk down1 ,publicans4 ,a close shaver 7a miser71 ,barbers4 ,to be off your feed1 ,ostlers4 ,hold hard 7stop71 ,omnibus-men4 ,numerous examples1 similar to the foregoing1 will1 no doubt1 present themselves1 in addition1 to the mind of the enlightened student4 ,we have not1 however1 quite done yet with our remarks on this division of our subject4 ,the intrinsic vulgarity of all modes of speech which may be traced to mean or disreputable persons1 will1 of course1 not be questioned4 ,but--and as we have got hold of a nice bone1 we may as well get all the marrow we can out of it--the principle which is now under consideration has a much wider range than is apparent at first sight4 ,now we will suppose a red-hot lover addressing the goddess of his idolatry--by the way1 how strange it is1 that these goddesses should be always having their temples on fire1 that a ,queen of ,hearts should ever be seated on a burning throne6--but to return to the lover3 he was to say something4 ,well1 then1 let ,a4 ,b4 be the lover4 ,he expresses himself thus3-- 8,mary1 my earthly hopes are centred in you4 ,you need not doubt me2 my heart is true as the dial to the sun4 ,words cannot express how much ,i love you4 ,nor is my affection an ordinary feeling3 it is a more exalted and a more enduring sentiment than that which usually bears its name4 ,i have done4 ,i am not eloquent3 ,i can say no more1 than that ,i deeply and sincerely love you40 ,this1 perhaps1 will be regarded by connoisseurs as tolerably pathetic1 and for the kind of thing not very ridiculous4 ,now1 let ,a4 ,s4 ,s4 be the lover2 and let us have his version of the same story3-- 8,mary1 my capital in life is invested in you4 ,you need not stick at giving me credit2 my heart is as safe as the ,bank of ,england4 ,the sum total of my love for you defies calculation4 ,nor is my attachment anything in the common way4 ,it is a superior and more durable article than that in general wear4 ,my stock of words is exhausted4 ,i am no wholesale dealer in that line4 ,all ,i can say is1 that ,i have a vast fund of unadulterated affection for you40 ,in this effusion the ,stock ,exchange1 the ,multiplication ,table1 and the ,linendraper's and ,grocer's shops have been drawn upon for a clothing to the suitor's ideas2 and by an unhappy choice of words1 the most delightful and amiable feelings of our nature1 without which ,life would be a ,desert and ,man a bear1 are invested with a ridiculous disguise4 ,we would willingly enlarge upon the topic which we have thus slightly handled1 but that we feel that we should by so doing1 intrench too far on the boundaries of ,rhetoric1 to which science1 more particularly than to ,grammar1 the consideration of ,metaphor belongs2 besides which1 it is high time to have done with ,etymology4 ,here1 then1 gentlemen1 if you please1 we shall pull up4 8,pull up6 what an expression60 8,well1 ,sir1 did you never hear that next to the ,bar the first school of grammatical elegance is the ,stage80 ,,part ,,iii4 ,,syntax4 8,now then1 reader1 if you are quite ready1 we are--,all right6 99 99 99 990 ,the asterisks are intended to stand for a word used in speaking to horses4 ,don't blush1 young ladies2 there's not a shadow of harm in it3 but as to spelling it1 we are as unable to do so as the ostler's boy was1 who was thrashed for his ignorance by his father4 8,where are we now1 coachman80 ,,syntax4 8,the third part of ,grammar1 ,sir1 wot treats of the agreement and construction of words in a sentence40 8,does a coachman say wot for which because he has a licence80 8,can't say1 ,ma'am80 8,drive on1 coachman40 ,and we must drive on1 or boil on1 or whatever it is the fashion to call getting on in these times4 ,a sentence is an aggregate of words forming a complete sense4 ,sometimes1 however1 a sentence is an aggregate of words forming complete nonsense3 as1 8,they are very civil and attentive to the smallest order1 and furnish a house entirely complete1 for twenty-seven guineas1 all new and well seasoned40--,advertisement in the ,times4 ,sentences are of two kinds1 simple and compound4 ,a simple sentence has in it but one subject and one finite verb2 that is1 a verb to which number and person belong3 as1 8,a joke is a joke40 ,a compound sentence consists of two or more simple sentences connected together3 as1 8,a joke is a joke1 but a ducking is no joke4 ,corpulence is the attribute of swine1 mayors1 and oxen40 ,simple sentences may be divided 7if we choose to take the trouble7 into the ,explicative or explaining2 the ,interrogative1 or asking2 the ,imperative1 or commanding4 ,an explicative sentence is1 in other words1 a direct assertion3 as1 8,sir1 you are impertinent40--,johnson4 ,an interrogative sentence 8merely asks a question30 as1 8,are you a policeman8 ,how's your ,inspector80 ,illustration3 8,how's your ,inspector80 ,an imperative sentence is expressive of command1 exhortation1 or entreaty3 as1 8,shoulder arms60 8,turn out your toes60 8,charge bayonets60 ,a phrase is two or more words properly put together1 making either a sentence or part of a sentence3 as1 8,good morning60 8,your most obedient60 ,some phrases consist of two or more words improperly put together3 these are improper phrases3 as1 8,now then1 old stupid60 8,stand out of the sunshine60 ,illustration3 8,what a duck of a man60 ,other phrases consist of words put together by ladies3 as1 8,a duck of a man10 8,a love of a shawl10 8so nice10 8quite refreshing10 8sweetly pretty40 8,did you ever80 8,no ,i never60 ,other phrases again consist of ,french and ,english words put together by people of quality1 because their knowledge of both languages is pretty nearly equal3 as1 8,i am au dsespoir10 8mis hors de combat10 8quite ennuy10 or rather in nine cases out of ten1 8ennuye10--8,i have a great envie0 to do so and so4 ,these constitute an important variety of comic ,english4 ,besides the above1 there are various phrases which we may call elliptical phrases1 consisting principally of the peculiar terms employed in the different trades and professions3 as1 8,a ,milton ,lost10 by booksellers4 8,a ,lady 7of the ,lake7 in sheets10 do4 8,one college 7pudding7 for ,no4 #f10 by waiters4 8,to carry off30 as1 8,see how the old woman in a red cloak carries off the tower10 by painters1 c4 ,the principal parts of a simple sentence are1 the subject1 the attribute1 and the object4 ,if you want to know what subjects and objects are1 you should go to the ,morgue at ,paris4 ,but in ,grammar-- ,the subject is the thing chiefly spoken of2 the attribute is that which is affirmed or denied of it2 and the object is the thing affected by such action4 ,the nominative denotes the subject1 and usually goes before the verb or attribute2 and the word or phrase1 denoting the object1 follows the verb2 as1 8,the flirt torments her lover40 ,here1 a flirt is the subject2 torments1 the attribute or thing affirmed2 and her lover1 the object4 ,illustration ,yes1 and a pretty object he is too1 sometimes4 ,but then we shall be told that he is not an object--of attachment4 ,alas6 that is the very reason why he is an object--of compassion1 or ridicule1 according to people's dispositions4 ,it may be also said that the flirt herself is a pretty object4 ,all we can say is1 that we never saw such a flirt1 nor do we believe that we ever shall4 ,to torment1 it seems1 is the attribute of the flirt1 as it is that of the ----4 ,well6 no matter4 ,much good may the fellowship do her3 that is all6 ,it strikes us1 though1 that we are somewhat digressing from our subject1 namely ,syntax1 which1 ,principally consists of two parts 7which the flirt does not1 for she is all body and no soul7 ,concord and ,government4 ,concord is the agreement which one word has with another1 in gender1 number1 case or person4 ,note4--,that a want of agreement between words does not invalidate deeds4 ,we apprehend that such an engagement as the following1 properly authenticated1 would hold good in law4 ,i ose ,jon stubs too ,poun for valley reseved an promis to pay ,him ,nex ,sattaday ,signed ,willum ,gibs is ,mark ,march #ah1 #ahdj4 ,also that a friend of ours1 to whom the following bill was sent1 could not have refused to discharge it on the score of its incorrect grammar4 #ahce ,mr4 ---- ,jenery #aj ,to ,j4 ,burton4 l4 s4 d4 ,reparing of ,towo ,tables ,muex ,stand #j #d #j ,aultern of #b ,blines ,toulroler #j #a #j ,botal jock braket seter jobs #j #d #j 7et cetera7 ,newpot board ,barers scirtin c4 stapel #j #e #j ,locks to ,cubard dowrs ,esing do laying down flour cloth fiting up #j #g #j ,top of ,butt ,fixing ,lether to ,cuting of sheters #j #d #j ,dowrs in parlor in first flour #a ,blin #b par of ,roler ,end ,rack puleys fixing of certin ,laths in ,largin #j #b #aj of ole of washing stand #b holefass ,fixing webbin to ,stand and fixing ,legs to washing stule #j #a #f ,fiting up front of ,dustbin ,cubbard on ,landing altern lock of seler dowr #j #b #j ------------ #a #aa #d ,government is that power which one part of speech has over another1 in directing its mood1 tense1 or case4 ,government is also that power1 of which1 if the ,chartists have their way1 we shall soon see very little in this country4 ,hurrah6 ,no taxes6 ,no army6 ,no navy6 ,no parsons6 ,no lawyers6 ,no ,commons6 ,no ,lords6 ,no anything6 ,no nothing6 ,to produce the agreement and right disposition of words in a sentence1 the following rules 7and observations87 should be carefully studied4 ,,rule ,i4 ,a verb must agree with its nominative case in number and person3 as1 8,i perceive40 8,thou hast been to ,brixton40 8,apes chatter40 8,frenchmen gabble40 ,certain liberties are sometimes taken with this rule3 as1 8,i own ,i likes good beer40 8,you'm a fine fellow1 aint yer80 8,he've been to the ,squire's40 ,such modes of speaking are adopted by those who neither know nor care anything about grammatical correctness3 but there are other persons who care a great deal about it1 but unfortunately do not know what it consists in4 ,such folks are very fond of saying1 8,how it rain60 8,it fit you very well40 8,he say he think it very unbecoming10 8,i were gone before you was come10 and so forth1 in which forms of speech they perceive a peculiar elegance4 ,the infinitive mood1 or part of a sentence1 is sometimes used as the nominative case to the verb3 as 8to be good is to be happy30 which is as grammatical an assertion as 8,toby ,good is ,toby ,happy20 and rather surpasses it in respect of sense4 8,that two pippins are a pair1 is a proposition which no man in his senses will deny40 8,to be a connoisseur in boots1 ,to hate all rational pursuits1 ,to make your money fly1 as though ,gold would as fast as mushrooms grow2 ,to haunt the ,opera1 save whene'er ,there's anything worth hearing there2 ,to smirk1 to smile1 to bow1 to dance1 ,to talk of what they eat in ,france1 ,to languish1 simper1 sue1 and sigh1 ,and stuff her head with flattery2 ,are means to gain that worthless part ,a fashionable lady's heart40 ,here are examples enough1 in all conscience1 of infinitive moods serving as nominative cases4 ,all verbs1 save only in the infinitive mood or participle1 require a nominative case either expressed or understood3 as1 8,row with me down the river10 that is 8,row thou1 or do thou row40 8,come where the aspens quiver10 8come thou1 or do thou come40 8,fly not yet20 8fly not thou1 or do not thou fly40 8,pass the ruby20 8pass thou1 or do thou pass the ruby0 7not the ,rubicon74 8,drink to me only20 8drink thou1 or do thou drink only40 8,wake1 dearest1 wake20 8wake thou1 or do thou wake40 8,tell her ,i love her20 8tell thou1 or do thou tell her ,i love her40 ,in short1 you cannot listen to a hawker of ballads1 crying his commodities about the streets1 without hearing illustrations of the foregoing rule4 8,move on60 the well known mandate of policemen to those who create obstructions1 is a very common exemplification of it4 ,the nominative case is easily understood in the latter instance2 and the person addressed1 if he pretend that it is not1 does so at his own peril4 ,a well known popular song affords an example of the violation of this rule4 8,ven as the ,captain comed for to hear on't1 ,wery much applauded vot she'd done40 ,illustration ,the verb applauded has here no nominative case1 whereas it ought to have been governed by the pronoun he4 8,he very much applauded10 c4 ,every nominative case1 except when made absolute1 or used1 like the ,latin ,vocative1 in addressing a person1 should belong to some verb1 implied if not expressed4 ,a beautiful example of this grammatical maxim1 and one1 too1 that explains itself1 is impressed upon the mind very soon after its first introduction to letters3 as1 8,who kill'd ,cock ,robin8 ,i1 said the sparrow1 ,with my bow and arrow2 ,i kill'd ,cock ,robin40 ,of the neglect of this rule also1 the ballad lately mentioned presents an instance3 as1 8,four-and-twenty brisk young fellows ,clad in jackets1 blue array1-- ,and they took poor ,billy ,taylor ,from his true love all avay40 ,the only verb in these four lines is the verb took1 which is governed by the pronoun they4 ,the four-and-twenty brisk young fellows1 therefore1 though undeniably in the nominative1 have no verb to belong to3 while1 at the same time1 whatever may be thought of their behaviour to ,mr4 ,william ,taylor1 they are certainly not absolute in point of case4 ,when a verb comes between two nouns1 either of which may be taken as the subject of the affirmation1 it may agree with either of them3 as1 8,two-and-sixpence is half-a-crown40 ,due regard1 however1 should be paid to that noun which is most naturally the subject of the verb3 it would be clearly wrong to say1 8,ducks and green peas is a delicacy40 8,fleas is a nuisance40 ,a nominative case1 standing without a personal tense of a verb1 and being put before a participle1 independently of the rest of the sentence1 is called a case absolute3 as1 8,my brethren1 to-morrow being ,sunday1 ,i shall preach a sermon in ,smithfield2 after which we shall join in a hymn1 and that having been sung1 ,brother ,biggs will address you40 ,the objective case is sometimes incorrectly made absolute by showmen and others3 as1 8,here1 gentlemen and ladies1 you will see that great warrior ,napoleon ,bonaparte1 standing agin a tree with his hands in his pockets1 him taking good care to keep out of harm's vay4 ,and there1 on the extreme right1 you will observe the ,duky ,vellinton a valking about amidst the red-hot cannon balls1 him not caring von straw40 ,illustration ,,rule ,,ii4 ,two or more singular nouns1 joined together by a copulative conjunction1 expressed or understood1 are equivalent to a plural noun1 and therefore require verbs1 nouns1 and pronouns1 agreeing with them in the plural number3 as1 8,veal1 wine1 and vinegar0 7take care how you pronounce these words7 8are very good victuals ,i vow40 8,burke and ,hare were nice men40 8,a hat without a crown1 a tattered coat1 threadbare and out at elbows1 a pair of breeches which looked like a piece of dirty patchwork diversified by various holes1 and of boots which a ,jew would hardly have raked from a kennel1 at once proclaimed him a man who had seen better days40 ,this rule is not always adhered to in discourse quite so closely as a fastidious ear would require it to be3 as1 8,and so1 you know1 ,mary1 and ,i1 and ,jane was a dusting the chairs1 and in comes ,missus40 ,,rule ,,iii4 ,when the conjunction disjunctive comes between two nouns1 the verb1 noun1 or pronoun1 is of the singular number1 because it refers to each of such nouns taken separately3 as1 8,a cold in the head1 or a sore eye is a great disadvantage to a lover40 ,if singular pronouns1 or a noun and pronoun of different persons1 be disjunctively connected1 the verb must agree with the person which stands nearest to it3 as 8,i or thou art40 8,thou or ,i am40 8,i1 thou1 or he is10 c4 ,but as this way of writing or speaking is very inelegant1 and as saying1 8,either ,i am1 or thou art10 and so on1 will always render having recourse to it unnecessary1 the rule just laid down is almost useless1 except inasmuch as it suggests a moral maxim1 namely1 8,always be on good terms with your next door neighbour40 ,it also forcibly reminds us of some beautiful lines by ,moore1 in which the heart1 like a tendril1 is said to twine round the 8nearest and loveliest thing40 ,now the person which is placed nearest the verb is the object of choice2 ergo1 the most agreeable person--ergo1 the loveliest person or thing4 ,should a conjunction disjunctive occur between a singular noun or pronoun1 and a plural one1 the verb agrees with the plural noun or pronoun3 as1 8,neither a king nor his courtiers are averse to butter30 7particularly when thickly spread74 8,darius or the ,persians were hostile to ,greece40 ,,rule ,,iv4 ,a noun of multitude1 that is1 one which signifies many1 can have a verb or pronoun to agree with it either in the singular or plural number2 according to the import of such noun1 as conveying unity or plurality of idea3 as1 8,the ,parliament is--0 we do not choose to say what4 8,the nation is humbugged40 8,the ministry are exceedingly well pensioned40 8,the multitude have to pay many taxes40 8,the ,council are at a loss to know what to do40 8,the people is a many-headed monster40 ,we do not mean to call the people names4 ,we only quote what all parties say of it when out of office4 ,when they are in1 it is--why1 we may exhaust the alphabet about it1 as ,sterne tried to do about ,love2 but he couldn't get farther than ,r42 and therefore1 if we break down1 it is no matter4 ,so we will e'en try a leap2 and as the maxim 8audi alteram partem0 is a favourite one with all rightly constituted minds1 our own inclusive1 we will see what can be said on both sides4 ,the people1 then1 is termed1 ,by the ,ins4 ,by the ,outs4 ,an apprehensive people1 ,an addle-headed people4 ,a blessed people1 ,a burdened people4 ,a chivalrous people1 ,a currish people4 ,a delightful people1 ,a disgusting people4 ,an enlightened people1 ,an embruted people4 ,a free people1 ,a fettered people4 ,a glorious people1 ,a grovelling people4 ,a high-minded people1 ,a hoggish people4 ,an intelligent people1 ,an impenetrable people4 ,a judicious people1 ,a jolter-headed people4 ,a knowing people1 ,a knotty-pated people4 ,a lively people1 ,a lubberly people4 ,a magnanimous people1 ,a miserable people4 ,a noble people1 ,a niggardly people4 ,an obliging people1 ,an odious people4 ,a pious people1 ,a profane people4 ,a quiet people1 ,a quarrelsome people4 ,a righteous people1 ,a rascally people4 ,a sensible people1 ,a stupid people4 ,a ,tory people1 ,a truculent people4 ,an upright people1 ,an unprincipled people4 ,a virtuous people1 ,a vicious people4 ,a ,whig people1 ,a wicked people4 ,an ,x-cellent people1 ,an ,x-ecrable people4 ,a yielding people1 ,a yelping people4 ,a zetetic people1 ,a zany people4 ,and now for a little more ,syntax4 ,,rule ,v4 ,pronouns agree with their antecedents1 and with the nouns to which they belong1 in gender and number3 as1 8,this is the blow which killed ,ned40 8,england was once governed by a celebrated ,king1 who was called ,rufus the ,red1 but whose name was by no means so illustrious as that of ,alfred40 8,his ,grace and the ,baronet had put on their boots40 8,the ,countess appeared1 and she smiled1 but the smile belied her feelings40 ,the relative being of the same person with the antecedent1 the verb always agrees with it3 as1 8,thou who learnest ,syntax40 8,i who enlighten thy mind40 ,the relative what 7incorrectly pronounced7 is sometimes used in a manner which is very exceptionable3 as1 8,the gentleman wot keeps the wine-vaults40 8,none but lovers can feel for them wot loves40 ,we mention this error once more1 in order to insure its abandonment4 ,the objective case of the personal pronouns is by some1 for want of better information1 employed in the place of these and those3 as1 8,let them things alone40 8,now then1 ,jemes1 make haste with them chops40 8,give them tables a wipe40 8,oh6 ,julier1 turn them heyes away40 8,what's the use o' mancipatin' them niggers80 8,don't you wish you was one of them lobsters80 8,i think them shawls so pretty60 8,look at them sleeves40 ,the adverb there1 is sometimes1 with additional impropriety1 joined to the pronoun them3 as1 8,look after them there sheep40 ,the objective case of a pronoun in the first person is put after the interjections ,oh6 and ,ah6 as1 8,oh6 dear me10 c4 ,the second person1 however1 requires a nominative case3 as1 8,oh6 you good-for-nothing man60 8,ah6 thou gay ,lothario60 ,illustration3 8,oh6 you good-for-nothing man60 ,,rule ,,vi4 ,when there is no nominative case between the relative and the verb1 the relative itself is the nominative to the verb3 as1 8,the master who flogged us40 8,the rods which were used40 ,but when the nominative comes between the relative and the verb1 the relative exchanges1 as it were1 the character of sire for that of son1 and becomes the governed instead of the governor2 depending for its case on some word in its own member of the sentence3 as1 8,he who is now at the head of affairs1 whom the ,queen delighteth to honour1 whose ,pavilion 7if the ,court had been there7 might have been at ,brighton1 and to whom is intrusted the helm of state--is a ,lamb40 ,well1 it is to be hoped that he will get on in his boat a little better than a bear2 though why that animal is considered so peculiarly at sea when on the water1 we cannot tell4 ,man is the only sailor except the nautilus that we know of4 ,even the steer is no steersman4 ,the bear1 however1 is an ill-conditioned1 awkward creature1 and very likely to upset the boat2 while the more gentle lamb1 whatever may be the perils of his situation1 leaves the rudder alone1 remains quietly in his place1 and goes with the stream4 ,,rule ,,vii4 ,the relative and the verb1 when the former is preceded by two nominatives of different persons1 may agree in person with either1 according to the sense3 as1 8,i am the young gentleman who do the lovers at the ,wells20 or1 8who does40 ,illustration ,let this maxim be borne constantly in mind4 8,a murderer of good characters should always be made an example of40 ,,rule ,,viii4 ,every adjective1 and every adjective pronoun1 relates to a substantive1 expressed or implied3 as1 8,dando was an unprincipled1 as well as a voracious man40 8,few quarrel with their bread and butter20 that is1 8few persons40 8,this is the wonderful eagle of the sun40 ,that is1 8,this eagle10 c4 ,adjective pronouns agree in number with their substantives3 8,this muff1 these muffs2 that booby1 these boobies2 another numscull1 other numsculls40 ,some people say 8,those kind of things10 or1 8,this four-and-twenty year10 neither of which expressions they have any business to use4 ,a good deal of speculation has been expended on the word means in connection with an adjective pronoun4 ,some will have it that we should say1 8,by this mean20 8,by that mean20 8,by these means20 8,by those means30 others1 that we should say1 8,by this means10 and so on4 ,the practical rule to be observed is1 to treat the substantive1 means1 as a singular noun when it refers to what is singular1 and when it relates to that which is plural1 as a plural one4 ,the word mean is seldom used in the same sense with means4 ,we have been induced to advert to this question1 by the desire of giving the reader a caution respecting the use of this same word1 means4 ,it is not uncommon to hear it said in the streets and elsewhere1 8,well1 and then1 you know1 ,jem was took afore the beak1 by means of which he had three months40 8,sall was quite intosticated1 by means of which 7or vich7 she wor fined five bob10 c4 ,we will not shock the refined grammarian by the multiplication of examples of this kind2 suffice it to say1 that the phrase 8by means of which0 is substituted for 8in consequence of which10 or1 8on which account10 by the lower or illiterate classes4 ,adjectives are sometimes improperly used as adverbs3 as1 8,he behaved very bad40 8,he insulted me most gross40 8,he eat and drank uncommon40 8,he wur beat very severe40 8,it hailed tremendous10 or1 more commonly1 8tremenjus40 ,,rule ,,ix4 ,the article a or an agrees with nouns in the singular number only3 as1 8,a fool1 an ass1 a simpleton1 a ninny1 a lout--,i would not give a farthing for a thousand such40 ,the definite article the may agree with nouns in the singular and plural number3 as1 8,the toast1 the ladies1 the ducks40 ,the articles are often properly omitted2 when used1 they serve to determine or limit the thing spoken of3 as1 8,variety is charming40 8,familiarity doth breed contempt40 8,a stitch in time saves nine40 8,the heart that has truly loved never forgets40 ,the article a or an is sometimes 7we grieve to say it7 applied to nouns in the plural number3 as1 8,a wine-vaults40 8,an oyster-rooms40 ,but this misapplication of the article is positively shocking4 ,,rule ,x4 ,one substantive1 in the possessive or genitive case1 is governed by another1 of a different meaning3 as1 8,a fiddle-stick's end40 8,monkey's allowance40 8,virtue's reward40 ,illustration ,pronouns1 as well as nouns1 are thus governed by substantives3 as1 8,the woes of a kitten 7like those of a ,poet7 are expressed by its mews40 ,,rule ,,xi4 ,active verbs govern the objective case3 as1 8,i kissed her40 8,she scratched me40 8,virtue rewards her followers40 ,for which reason she is like a cook4 ,verbs neuter do not govern an objective case4 ,observe1 therefore1 that such phrases3 as1 8,she cried a good one10 8,he came the old soldier over me10 and so forth1 are highly improper in a grammatical point of view1 to say nothing of other objections to them4 ,these verbs1 however1 are capable of governing words of a meaning similar to their own3 as1 in the affecting ballad of ,giles ,scroggins-- 8,i wont1 she cried1 and screamed a scream40 ,the verb ,to ,be has the same case after it as that which goes before it3 as1 8,it was ,i10 not 8,it was me40 8,the ,grubbs were they who eat so much trifle at our last party20 not 8,the ,grubbses were them40 ,,rule ,,xii4 ,one verb governs another that depends upon it1 in the infinitive mood3 as1 8,cease to smoke pipes40 8,begin to wear collars40 8,i advise you to shave40 8,i recommend you to go to church40 8,i resolved to visit the ,united ,states4 8,and there ,i learned to wheel about ,and jump ,jim ,crow40 ,in general1 the preposition to is used before the latter of two verbs2 but sometimes it is more properly omitted3 as1 8,i saw you take it1 young fellow2 come along with me40 8,let me get hold of you1 that's all60 8,did ,i hear you speak80 8,i'll let you know60 8,you dare not hit me40 8,bid me discourse40 8,you need not sing40 ,the preposition for is sometimes unnecessarily intruded into a sentence1 in addition to the preposition to1 before an infinitive mood3 as1 8,how came you for to think1 for to go1 for to do such a thing80 8,do you want me for to punch your head80 ,adjectives1 substantives1 and participles1 often govern the infinitive mood3 as1 8,miss ,hopkins1 ,i shall be happy to dance the next set with you40 8,oh6 ,sir1 it is impossible to refuse you40 8,have you an inclination to waltz80 8,i shall be delighted in endeavouring to do so40 ,illustration ,the infinitive mood is frequently made absolute1 that is1 independent of the rest of the sentence3 as1 8,to say the truth1 ,i was rather the worse for liquor40 8,not to mince matters1 ,miss1 ,i love you40 8,to begin at the right end40 8,to cut a long tale short10 c4 ,,rule ,,xiii4 ,the relation which words and phrases bear to each other in point of time1 should always be duly marked3 instead of saying1 8,last night ,i intended to have made strong love to her10 we should say1 8,last night ,i intended to make strong love to her20 because1 although the intention of making strong love may have been abandoned 7on reflection7 this morning1 and is now1 therefore1 a thing which is past1 yet it is undoubtedly1 when last night and the thoughts connected with it are brought back1 again present to the mind4 ,,rule ,,xiv4 ,participles have the same power of government with that of the verbs from which they are derived3 as1 8,oh1 what an exquisite singer ,rubini is6 ,i am so fond of hearing him40 8,look at that horrid man2 ,i declare he is quizzing us60 8,no1 he is only taking snuff40 8,see1 how that thing opposite keeps making eyes40 8,yes1 she is ogling ,lumley2 ,i should so like to pinch her60 8,how fond they all are of wearing mustaches6 ,don't you like it80 8,oh1 yes6 there is no resisting them40 8,heigho6 ,i am dying to have an ice--0 ----,young man for a husband1 ,miss8 ,for shame1 ,sir6 don't be rude6 ,participles are sometimes used as substantives3 as1 8,the ,french mouth is adapted to the making of grimaces40 8,the cobbler is like the parson2 he lives by the mending of soles40 8,the tailor reaps a good harvest from the sewing of cloth40 8,did you ever see a shooting of the moon80 ,is this what the witches mean when they sing1 in the acting play of ,macbeth1 8,we fly by night80 ,if they 8shoot the moon10 they are shooting stars4 ,there is a mode of using the indefinite article a before a participle1 for which there is no occasion1 as it does not convert the participle into a substantive1 and makes no alteration in the sense of what is said2 in this case the article1 therefore1 is like a wart1 a wen1 or a knob at the end of the nose1 neither useful nor ornamental3 as1 8,going out a shooting40 8,are you a coming to-morrow80 8,i was a thinking about what ,jem said40 8,here you are1 a going of it1 as usual60 ,a liberty not unfrequently taken with the ,english ,language1 is the substitution of the perfect participle for the imperfect tense1 and of the imperfect tense for the perfect participle3 as1 8,he run like mad1 with the great dog after him40 8,maria come and told us all about it40 8,when ,i had wrote the ,valentine1 ,i sealed it with my thimble40 8,he has rose to 7be7 a common-councilman40 8,i was chose ,lord ,mayor40 8,i've eat 7or a eat7 lots of venison in my time40 8,i should have spoke if you hadn't put in your oar40 8,you were mistook40 8,he sent her an affecting copy of verses1 which was wrote with a ,perryian pen40 ,,rule ,,xv4 ,adverbs are generally placed in a sentence before adjectives1 after verbs active or neuter1 and frequently between the auxiliary and the verb3 as1 8,he came1 ,sir1 and he was most exceedingly drunk2 he could hardly stand upon his legs2 he made a very lame discourse2 he spoke incoherently and ridiculously2 and was impatiently heard by the whole assembly40 8,he is fashionably dressed40 8,she is conspicuously ugly40 8,the eye of jealousy is proverbially sharp1 and yet it is indisputably green40 8,britons may often be sold1 but they will never be slaves40 8,the ,french ,marquis was a very charming man2 he danced exquisitely and nimbly1 and was greatly admired by all the ladies40 ,illustration ,several adverbs have been coined in ,america of late2 and some of them are very remarkable for a 8particular0 elegance3 as1 8,i reckon you're catawampously chawed up40 ,in the example just given there is to be found1 besides the new adverb1 a word which1 if not also new to the ,english student1 is rendered so both by its orthography and pronunciation2 namely1 chawed4 ,this term is no other than 8chewed10 modified 7as words1 like living things1 would seem to be71 by transportation to a foreign country4 8,chawed up0 is a very strong expression1 and is employed to signify the most complete state of discomfiture and defeat1 when a man is as much crushed1 mashed1 and comminuted1 morally speaking1 as if he had literally and corporeally undergone the process of mastication4 8,catawampously0 is a concentration of 8hopelessly10 8tremendously10 8thoroughly10 and 8irrevocably20 so that 8catawampously chawed up10 means1 brought as nearly to a state of utter annihilation as anything consistently with the laws of nature can possibly be4 ,for the metaphorical use of the word 8chawed10 made by the ,americans1 three several reasons have been given3 #a4 ,familiarity with the manner in which the alligator disposes of his victims4 #b4 ,the cannibalism of the ,aborigines4 #c4 ,the delicate practice of chewing tobacco4 ,each of these is supported by numerous arguments1 on the consideration of which it would be quite out of the question to enter in this place4 ,,rule ,,xvi4 ,two ,english negatives 7like ,french lovers7 destroy one another1--and become equivalent to an affirmative3 as1 8,the question before the ,house was not an unimportant one20 that is1 8it was an important one40 8,his ,lordship was free to confess that he did not undertake to say that he would not on some future occasion give a satisfactory answer to the right honourable gentleman40 ,thus1 at one and the same time1 we teach our readers ,syntax and secretiveness4 ,it is probable that small boys are often unacquainted with this rule2 for many of them1 while undergoing personal chastisement1 exclaim1 for the purpose1 as it would appear1 of causing its duration to be shortened--8,oh pray1 ,sir1 oh pray1 ,sir1 oh pray1 ,sir6 ,i won't do so no more60 ,,rule ,,xvii4 ,prepositions govern the objective case3 as1 8,what did the butcher say of her80 8,he said that she would never do for him2 that she was too thin for a wife1 and he was not fond of a spare rib40 ,the delicate ear is much offended by any deviation from this rule3 as1 in a shocking and vulgar song which it was once our misfortune to hear3-- 8,there ,i found the faithless she ,frying sausages for he40 ,as also in the conversation of rustics3 as1 8,it's all one to we40 8,come out of they 'taters60 8,he went to the ,parson's with ,i40 8,from he to they an't more nor dree mile40 ,we had occasion1 in the ,etymology1 to remark on a certain misuse of the preposition1 of4 ,this1 perhaps1 is best explained by stating that of1 in the instances cited1 is made to usurp the government of cases which are already under a rightful jurisdiction3 as1 8,what are you got a eating of80 8,he had been a beating of his wife40 ,,rule ,,xviii4 ,conjunctions connect similar moods and tenses of verbs1 and cases of nouns and pronouns3 as1 8,a coat of arms suspended on a wall is like an executed traitor2 it is hanged1 drawn1 and quartered40 8,if you continue thus to drink brandy and water and to smoke cigars1 you will be like ,boreas the ,north wind1 who takes #8cold without' wherever he goes1 and always #8blows a cloud' when it comes in his way40 8,do you think there is any thing between him and her80 8,yes2 he and she are engaged ones40 ,illustration ,note4--,to ask whether there is any thing between two persons of opposite sexes1 is one way of inquiring whether they are in love with each other4 ,it is not1 however1 in our opinion1 a very happy phrase1 inasmuch as whatever intervenes between a couple of fond hearts1 must tend to prevent them from coming together4 ,pyramus and ,thisbe1 as ,ovid informs us1 had more between them than they liked--a conjunction disjunctive in the shape of a wall4 ,and by the bye1 now that we are speaking of ,pyramus and ,thisbe1 we may as well expend a word or two on a matter which1 though of much interest1 has never yet been noticed by the learned4 ,pyramus and ,thisbe1 it is well known1 used to kiss each other through a hole in the wall which separated them4 ,now we have always been puzzled to imagine how they managed it4 ,we are told by the ,poet that they lived-- 8,ubi dicitur altam ,coctilibus muris cinxisse ,semiramis urbem0-- that is to say1 where ,semiramis is said to have surrounded a lofty city--not with cock-tail mice1 as ,mr4 ,canning facetiously translated 8,coctilibus muris10--but with brick walls4 ,the wall which separated two adjoining houses must have been at least a brick thick2 and although it be possible1 8with ,love's light wings0 to 8o'erperch0 an exceedingly high wall1 it occurs to us that it would be no easy thing for ,love's long lips1 let them be as long as you will1 to reach through a moderately thick one4 ,we do not know exactly what was the breadth of an ,assyrian brick1 but supposing it to have been three inches1 an inch and a half of lip would have been required on the part of either lover for a kiss which could barely be sworn by2--a sort of presentation salute2--but for one worth giving or taking1 we must allow an additional half inch of mouth to the gentleman4 ,after all1 their noses must have been so much in the way1 that to make the operation at all feasible1 either these features must have been particularly flat1 or the aperture a very large one2 whereas it is well known to have been merely a chink4 ,common observation on the part of their respective parents would have detected such a gap1 and common prudence would have stopped it up4 ,how1 then1 are we to reconcile ,ovid's story with truth8 ,now1 remember1 reader1 what has been said about noses and lips4 ,our deliberate opinion is that ,pyramus and ,thisbe were a couple of negroes4 ,we shall be told that it is one utterly irreconcileable with the description of them given in the ,metamorphoses4 ,no matter-- 8,the lunatic1 the lover1 and the poet1 ,are of imagination all compact40 ,and considering that the lover-- 8,sees ,helen's beauty in a brow of ,egypt10 we do not see why ,abyssinian charms should not be transformed by a poet into those of ,assyria4 ,and so1 having proved 7to our own satisfaction at least7 that the beautiful ,thisbe was a ,hottentot ,venus1 we will resume the consideration of conjunctions4 ,,rule ,,xix4 ,some conjunctions govern the indicative2 some the subjunctive mood4 ,in general1 it is right to use the subjunctive1 when contingency or doubt is implied3 as1 8,if ,i were to say that the moon is made of green cheese40 8,if ,i were a wiseacre40 8,if ,i were a ,wiltshire-man40 8,a lady1 unless she be toasted1 is never drunk40 ,and when she is toasted1 those who are drunk are generally the gentlemen4 ,illustration3 8,the ,ladies60 ,those conjunctions which have a positive and absolute signification1 require the indicative mood3 as1 8,he who fasts may be compared to a horse3 for as the animal eats not a bit1 so neither does the man partake of a morsel40 8,the rustic is deluded by false hopes1 for his daily food is gammon40 ,every philosopher has his weak points1 and in the ,sylva ,sylvarum may be found some gammon of ,bacon4 ,,rule ,,xx4 ,when a comparison is made between two or more things1 the latter noun or pronoun is not governed by the conjunction than or as1 but agrees with the verb1 or is governed by the verb or preposition1 expressed or understood3 as1 8,the ,french are a lighter people than we10 7that is 8than we are107 8and yet we are not so dark as they10 that is1 8as they are40 8,i should think that they admire me more than them10 that is1 8than they admire them40 8,it is a shame1 ,martha6 you were thinking more of that young officer than me10 that is1 8of me40 ,sufficient attention is not always paid1 in discourse1 to this rule4 ,thus1 a schoolboy may be often heard to exclaim1 8,what did you hit me for1 you great fool8 you're bigger than me4 ,hit some one of your own size60 8,not fling farther than him8 just can't ,i1 that's all60 8,you and ,i have got more marbles than them40 ,illustration ,,rule ,,xxi4 ,an ellipsis1 or omission of certain words1 is frequently allowed1 for the sake of avoiding disagreeable repetitions1 and of expressing our ideas in few words4 ,instead of saying 8,she was a little woman1 she was a round woman1 and she was an old woman10 we say1 making use of the figure ,ellipsis1 8,she was a little1 round1 and old woman40 ,when1 however1 the omission of words is productive of obscurity1 weakens the sentence1 or involves a violation of some grammatical principle1 the ellipsis must not be used4 ,it is improper to say 8,puddings fill who fill them20 we should supply the word those4 8,a beautiful leg of mutton and turnips0 is not good language3 those who would deserve what they are talking about ought to say1 8,a beautiful leg of mutton and fine turnips40 ,in common discourse1 in which the meaning can be eked out by gestures1 signs1 and inarticulate sounds variously modified1 the ellipsis is much more liberally and more extensively employed than in written composition4 8,may ,i have the pleasure of--hum8 ha80 may constitute an invitation to take wine4 8,i shall be quite--a--a--0 may serve as an answer in the affirmative4 8,so then1 you see he was--eh6--you see----10 is perhaps an intimation that a man has been hanged4 8,well1 of all the--,i never60 is often tantamount to three times as many words expressive of surprise1 approbation1 or disapprobation1 according to the tone in which it is uttered4 8,will you8--ah6--will you8--ah6--ah6--ah60 will do either for 8,will you be so impertinent1 you scoundrel8 will you dare to do so another time80 or1 8,will you1 dearest1 loveliest1 most adorable of your sex1 will you consent to make me happy2 will you be mine8 speak6 answer1 ,i entreat you6 ,one word from those sweet lips will make me the most fortunate man in existence60 ,there is1 however1 a kind of ellipsis which those who indulge in that style of epistolary writing1 wherein sentiments of a tender nature are conveyed1 will do well to avoid with the greatest care4 ,the ellipsis alluded to1 is that of the first person singular of the personal pronoun1 as instanced in the following model of a billet-doux3-- ,camberwell1 ,april #a1 #ahdj4 ,,my ,,dearest ,,fanny1 ,have not enjoyed the balm of sleep all the livelong night4 ,encountered1 last night1 at the ball1 the beau ideal of my heart4 ,never knew what love was till then4 ,derided the sentiment often2 jested at scars1 because had never felt a wound4 ,feel at last the power of beauty--,write with a tremulous hand2 waver between hope and fear4 ,hope to be thought not altogether unworthy of regard3 fear to be rejected as having no pretensions to the affections of such unparalleled loveliness4 ,know not in what terms to declare my feelings4 ,adore you1 worship you1 dote on you1 am wrapt up in you6 think but on you1 live but for you1 would willingly die for you6--in short1 love you6 and imploring you to have some compassion on one who is distracted for your sake ,remain ,devotedly yours ,t4 ,,tout4 ,,rule ,,xxii4 ,a regular and dependent construction should be carefully preserved throughout the whole of a sentence1 and all its parts should correspond to each other4 ,there is1 therefore1 an inaccuracy in the following sentence2 8,greenacre was more admired1 but not so much lamented1 as ,burke40 ,it should be1 8,greenacre was more admired than ,burke1 but not so much lamented40 ,of these two worthies there will be a notice of the following kind in a biographical dictionary1 to be published a thousand years hence in ,america4 ,,greenacre4--,a celebrated critic who so cut up a blue-stocking lady of the name of ,brown1 that he did not leave her a leg to stand upon4 ,,burke4--,a famous orator1 whose power of stopping people's mouths was said to be prodigious4 ,it is farther reported of him that he was only once hung up1 and that on the occasion of the last speech he ever made4 ,perhaps it may be said that the rule last stated comprehends all preceding rules1 and requires exemplification accordingly4 ,we therefore call the attention of the reader to the following paragraph1 requesting him to consider what1 and how many1 violations of the maxims of ,syntax it contains4 8,we teaches1 that is1 my son and me teaches1 they boys ,english ,grammar4 ,tom or ,dick have learned something every day but ,harry what is idler1 whom ,i am sure will never come to no good1 for he is always a miching and doing those kind of things 7he was catch but yesterday in a skittle grounds7 he only makes his book all dog's ears4 ,i beat he1 too1 pretty smartish1 as ,i ought1 you will say1 for to have did4 ,i was going to have sent him away last week but he somehow got over me as he do always4 ,i have had so much trouble with he1 that between you and ,i1 if ,i was not paid for it1 ,i wouldn't have no more to do with such a boy4 ,there never wasn't a monkey more mischievious than him2 and a donkey isn't more stupider and not half so obstinate as that youngster40 ,the ,syntax of the ,interjection has been sufficiently stated under ,rule ,v4 ,interjections afford more matter for consideration in a ,treatise on ,elocution than they do in a work on ,grammar2 but there is one observation which we are desirous of making respecting them1 and which will not1 it is hoped1 be thought altogether foreign to our present subject4 ,almost every interjection has a great variety of meanings1 adapted to particular occasions and circumstances1 and indicated chiefly by the tone of the voice4 ,of this proposition we shall now give a few illustrations1 which we would endeavour to render still clearer by the addition of musical notes1 but that these would hardly express1 with adequate exactness1 the modulations of sound to which we allude2 and besides1 we hope to be sufficiently understood without such help4 ,this part of the ,grammar should be read aloud by the student2 or1 which is better still1 the interjection1 where it is possible1 should be repeated with the proper intonation by a class2 the sentence which gives occasion to it being read by the preceptor4 ,we will select the interjection ,oh6 as the source from which our examples are to be drawn4 8,i'll give it you1 you idle dog3 ,i will60 8,oh1 pray1 ,sir6 ,oh1 pray1 ,sir6 ,oh6 ,oh6 ,oh60 8,i shall ever have the highest esteem for you1 ,sir2 but as to love1 that is out of the question40 8,oh1 ,matilda60 8,i say1 ,jim1 look at that chaffinch3 there's a shy60 8,oh1 ,crikey60 8,miss ,tims1 do you admire ,lord ,byron80 8,oh1 yes60 8,what do you think of ,rubini's singing80 8,oh60 8,so then1 you see1 we popped round the corner1 and caught them just in the nick of time40 8,oh60 8,sir1 your behaviour has done you great credit40 8,oh60 8,oats are looking up40 8,oh60 8,honourable ,members might say what they pleased2 but he was convinced1 for his part1 that the ,new ,poor ,law had given great general satisfaction40 8,oh6 oh60 ,there being now no reason 7or rule7 to detain us in the ,syntax1 we shall forthwith advance into ,prosody1 where we shall have something to say1 not only about rules1 but also of measures4 ,,part ,,iv4 ,,prosody4 ,prosody consists of two parts2 wherefore1 although it may be a topic1 a head1 or subject for discussion1 it can never be a point2 for a point is that which hath no parts4 ,besides1 there are a great many lines to be considered in the second part of ,prosody1 which treats of ,versification4 ,the first division teaches the true ,pronunciation of ,words1 including ,accent1 ,quantity1 ,emphasis1 ,pause1 and ,tone4 ,lord ,chesterfield's book about manners1 which is intended to teach us the proper tone to be adopted in ,society1 may be termed an ,ethical ,prosody4 ,lord ,chesterfield may have been a polished gentleman1 but ,dr4 ,johnson was of the two the more shining character4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,of ,,pronunciation4 ,,section ,i4 ,,of ,,accent4 ,though penetrated ourselves by the desire of imparting instruction1 we are far from wishing to bore our readers2 and therefore we shall endeavour to repeat nothing here that we have said before4 ,accent is the marking with a peculiar stress of the voice a particular letter or syllable in a word1 in such a manner as to render it more distinct or audible than the rest4 ,thus1 in the word thatre1 the stress of the voice should be on the letter e and first syllable the2 and in cntrary1 on the first syllable con4 ,how shocking it is to hear people say con-trry1 the-tre6 ,the friends of education will be reminded with regret1 that an error in the pronunciation of the first of these words is very early impressed on the human mind4 8,mary1 ,mary1 ,quite contrry1 ,how does your garden grow80 ,how many evils1 alas6 arise from juvenile associations6 ,words of two syllables never have more than one of them accented1 except for the sake of peculiar emphasis4 ,gentlemen1 however1 whose profession it is to drive certain public vehicles called cabs1 are much accustomed to disregard this rule1 and to say1 8p-lte0 7or 8pr-lte071 8gn-tel10 8cn-crn10 8p-lce10 and so on3 nay1 they go so far as to convert a word of one syllable into two1 for the sake of indulging in this style of pronunciation2 and thus the word 8queer0 is pronounced by them as 8k-ver40 ,the word 8-mn10 when standing alone1 should be pronounced with two accents4 ,the accents in which it usually is pronounced are very inelegant4 ,clerks1 now-a-days1 alas6 are no scholars4 ,dissyllables1 formed by adding a termination1 usually have the former syllable accented3 as1 8,folish1 blckhead10 c4 ,the accent in dissyllables1 formed by prefixing a syllable to the radical word1 is commonly on the latter syllable3 as1 8,i protst1 ,i declre1 ,i entrat1 ,i adre1 ,i expre40 ,illustration3 ,,all ,,for ,,love4 ,protestations1 declarations1 entreaties1 and adorations1 proclaim a swain to be simply tender2 but expiration 7for love7 proves him to be decidedly soft4 ,a man who turns lover becomes a protest-ant2 and his conduct at the same time generally undergoes a reformation1 especially if he has previously been a rake4 ,the zeal1 however1 of a reformed rake1 like that of ,jack in ,dean ,swift's 8,tale of a ,tub10 is sometimes apt to outrun his discretion4 ,illustration ,when the same word1 being a dissyllable1 is both a noun and a verb1 the verb has mostly the accent on the latter1 and the noun on the former syllable3 as1 8,molly1 let ,hymen's gentle hand ,cemnt our hearts together1 ,with such a cment as shall stand ,in spite of wind and weather4 8,i do presge--and oft a fact ,a prsage doth foretoken-- ,our mutual love shall ne'er contrct1 ,our cntract ne'er be broken40 ,there are many exceptions to the rule just enunciated 7so that1 correctly as well as familiarly speaking1 it is perhaps no rule72 for though verbs seldom have an accent on the former1 yet nouns frequently have it on the latter syllable3 as1 8,mary ,anne is my delght ,both by day and eke by night2 ,for by day her soft contrl ,soothes my heart and calms my soul2 ,and her image while ,i doze ,comes to sweeten my repse2 ,fortune favouring my desgn1 ,please the pigs she shall be mine60 ,the former syllable of most dissyllables ending in y1 our1 ow1 le1 ish1 ck1 ter1 aye1 en1 et1 is accented3 as1 8,grnny1 nodle10 c4 ,except allw1 avw1 endw1 bestw1 belw4 8,sir1 ,i cannot allw ,you your flame to avw2 ,endw yourself first with the rhino3 ,my hand to bestw ,on a fellow belw ,me6--,i'd rather be--never mind-- ,i know40 8,music10 in the language of the ,gods1 is sometimes pronounced 8m-sc60 ,nouns of two syllables ending in er1 have the accent on the former syllable3 as1 8,btcher1 bker40 ,it is1 perhaps1 a singular thing1 that persons who pursue the callings denoted by the two words selected as examples1 should always indicate their presence at an area by crying out1 in direct defiance of ,prosody1 8,but-chr1 ba-kr20 the latter syllable being of the two the more strongly accented4 ,dissyllabic verbs ending in a consonant and e final1 as 8,disclose10 8repine10 or having a diphthong in the last syllable1 as1 8,believe10 8deceive10 or ending in two consonants1 as 8,intend10 are accented on the latter syllable4 8,matilda's eyes a light disclse1 ,which with the star of ,eve might vie2 ,oh6 that such lovely orbs as those ,should sparkle at an apple-pie6 8,thy love ,i thought was wholly mine1 ,thy heart ,i fondly hoped to rule2 ,its throne ,i cannot but repne ,at sharing with a goosb'ry fool6 8,thou swear'st no flatterer can decive ,thy mind1--thy breast no coxcomb rifle2 ,thou art no trifler1 ,i belive1 ,but why so plaguy fond of trifle8 8,why1 when we're wed--,i don't intnd ,to joke1 ,matilda1 or be funny2 ,i really fear that you will spend ,the ,honey ,moon in eating honey60 ,most dissyllabic nouns1 having a diphthong in the latter syllable1 have the accent also on that syllable3 as1 8,a ,hamlet that draws ,is sure of appluse40 ,a ,hamlet that draws8 ,there are not many who can give even an outline of the character4 ,in a few words ending in ain the accent is placed on the former syllable3 as1 8,vllain10 which is pronounced as the natives of ,whitechapel pronounce 8willing40 ,those dissyllables1 the vowels of which are separated in pronunciation1 always have the accent on the first syllable3 as1 lion1 scion1 c4 ,when is a young and tender shoot ,like a fond swain8 ,when 'tis a scon4 ,what's the most gentlemanly brute ,like1 of all flow'rs8 ,a dandy lon4 ,trisyllables1 formed by adding a termination or prefixing a syllable1 retain the accent of the radical word3 as1 8,lveliness1 shepishness1 ,whggery1 knvery1 assrance40 ,the first syllable of trisyllables ending in ous1 al1 ion1 is accented in the generality of cases3 as in the words 8srious1 cpital10 c4 8,dr4 ,johnson declared1 with a srious face1 ,that he reckoned a punster a villain3 ,what would he have thought of the horrible case ,of a man who makes jokes that are killing8 8,in his dction to speak 'tis not easy for one ,who must furnish both reason and rhyme2 ,sir1 the rogue who has utter'd a cpital pun1 ,has committed a cpital crime40 ,trisyllables ending in ce1 ent1 ate1 y1 re1 le1 and ude1 commonly accent the first syllable4 ,many of those1 however1 which are derived from words having the accent on the last syllable1 and of those of which the middle syllable has a vowel between two consonants1 are excepted4 ,they who would elegantly speak ,should not say 8mpudence10 but 8cheek20 ,should all things atable call 8prog20 ,eyes 8ogles10 cuntenance 8phisog40 ,a coach should nminate a 8drag10 ,and spcify as 8moke10 a nag3 ,for xcellent1 use 8prime0 or 8bang up10 ,or 8out and out20 and 8scrag10 for hang up4 ,the thatre was wont to teach ,the public rctitude of speech1 ,but we who live in modern age ,consult the gallery1 not the stage4 ,trisyllables ending in ator have the accent placed on the middle syllable2 as1 8,specttor1 narrtor10 c4 except rator1 snator1 and a few other words4 ,take care that you never pronounce the common name of the vegetable sometimes called ,irish wall-fruit1 8purttor40 ,a diphthong in the middle syllable of a trisyllable is accented3 as also1 in general1 is a vowel before two consonants3 as1 8,domstic10 8endavour40 ,an endeavour to appear domesticated1 or in common phraseology1 to 8do0 the domestic1 is sometimes made by young gentlemen1 and generally with but an ill grace4 ,avoid such attempts1 reader1 on all occasions3 and in particular never adventure either to nurse babies1 or 7when you shall have 8gone up to the ladies07 to pour water into the tea-pot from the kettle4 ,a legal or medical student sometimes thinks proper1 from a desire of appearing at once gallant and facetious1 to usurp the office of pouring out the tea itself1 on which occasions he is very apt to betray his uncivilised habits by an unconscious but very unequivocal manipulation used in giving malt liquor what is technically termed a 8head40 ,many polysyllables are regulated as to accent by the words from which they are derived3 as1 8,inexprssibles1 ,sbstituted1 ,unobjctionably1 ,dsignated1 ,transatlntic1 ,dlicacy1 ,decdedly1 ,unqustionable40 ,words ending in ator are commonly accented on the last syllable but one1 let them be as long as they may3 as1 respirtor1 regultor1 renovtor1 indictor1 and all the other ators that we see in the newspapers4 ,a cockney1 quoting ,dr4 ,johnson1 said1 8,sir1 ,i love a good ator40 ,words that end in le usually have the accent on the first syllable3 as1 8micable1 dspicable10 c43 although we have heard people say 8despcable40 8,i never see such a despcable fellow1 not in all my born days40 ,words of this class1 however1 the second syllable of which has a vowel before two consonants1 are often differently accented3 as in 8,respctable1 contmptible40 ,illustration3 8,a respectable ,man40 ,many words ending in ion1 ous1 ty1 ia1 io1 and cal1 have their accent on the last syllable but two3 as1 8,con-si-de-r-ti-on1 pro-d-gi-ous1 im-pe-ne-tra-bl-i-ty1 en-cy-clo-p-di-a1 brag-ga-d-ci-o1 an-ti-mo-nrch-i-cal10 all of which words we have divided into syllables1 by way of a hint that they are to be pronounced 7comically speaking7 after the manner of ,dominie ,sampson4 ,having1 in compliance with grammatical usage1 laid down certain rules with regard to accent1 we have to inform the reader that there are so many exceptions to almost all of them1 that perhaps there is scarcely one which it is worth while to attend to4 ,we hope we have in some measure amused him2 but as to instruction1 we fear that1 in this part of our subject1 we have given him very little of that4 ,those who would acquire a correct accent had better attend particularly to the mode of speaking adopted in good society2 avoid debating clubs2 and go to church4 ,for farther satisfaction and information we refer them1 and we beg to say that we are not joking--to ,walker4 ,,section ,,ii4 ,,of ,,quantity4 ,the quantity of a syllable means the time taken up in pronouncing it4 ,as there is in ,arithmetic a long division and a short division1 so in ,prosody is ,quantity considered as long or short4 ,a syllable is said to be long1 when the accent is on the vowel1 causing it to be slowly joined in pronunciation to the next letter3 as1 8,fla1 smll1 crature40 ,a syllable is called short1 when the accent lies on the consonant1 so that the vowel is quickly joined to the succeeding letter3 as 8,crck1 lttle1 dvil40 ,the pronunciation of a long syllable commonly occupies double the time of a short one3 thus1 8,pte10 and 8,brke10 must be pronounced as slowly again as 8,pt10 and 8,knck40 ,we have remarked a curious tendency in the more youthful students of ,grammar to regard the quantity of words 7in their lessons7 more as being 8small0 or 8great0 than as coming under the head of 8long0 or 8short40 ,their predilection for small quantities of words is very striking and peculiar2 food for the mind they seem to look upon as physic2 and all physic1 in their estimation1 is most agreeably taken in infinitesimal doses4 ,the ,homopathic system of acquiring knowledge is more to their taste than even the ,hamiltonian4 ,it is quite impossible to give any rules as to quantity worth reading4 ,the ,romans may have submitted to them1 but that is no reason why we should4 ,we will pronounce our words as we please3 and if foreigners want to know why1 we will tell them that1 when there is no ,act of ,parliament to the contrary1 an ,englishman always does as he likes with his own4 ,illustration ,,section ,,iii4 ,,of ,,emphasis4 ,emphasis is the distinguishing of some word or words in a sentence1 on which we wish to lay particular stress1 by a stronger and fuller sound1 and sometimes by a particular tone of the voice4 ,a few illustrations of the importance of emphasis will be1 perhaps1 both agreeable and useful4 ,when a young lady says to a young gentleman1 8,you are a nice fellow2 you are60--she means one thing4 ,when a young gentleman1 addressing one of his own sex1 remarks1 8,you're a nice fellow2 you are20--he means another thing4 8,your friend is a gentleman10 pronounced without any particular emphasis1 is the simple assertion of a fact4 8,your friend is a gentleman10 with the emphasis on the words 8friend0 and 8gentleman10 conveys an insinuation besides4 ,so simple a question as 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 is susceptible of as many meanings as there are words in it2 according to the position of the emphasis4 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 is as much as to say1 8,do you1 though1 really like pine-apple rum80 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 is tantamount to1 8,can it be that a young gentleman 7or lady7 like you1 can like pine-apple rum80 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 means1 8,is it possible that instead of disliking1 you are fond of pine-apple rum80 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 is an enquiry as to whether you like that kind of rum in particular4 ,and lastly1 8,do you like pine-apple rum80 is equivalent to asking if you think that the flavour of the pine-apple improves that especial form of alcohol4 ,a well-known instance of an emphasis improperly placed was furnished by a certain ,parson1 who read a passage in the ,old ,testament in the following unlucky manner3 8,and he said unto his sons1 ,saddle me the ass2 and they saddled him40 ,young ladies are usually very emphatic in ordinary discourse4 8,what a little dear6 ,oh6 how sweetly pretty6 ,well6 ,i never did1 ,i declare6 ,so nice1 and so innocent1 and so good-tempered1 and so affectionate1 and such a colour6 ,and oh6 such lovely eyes6 and such hair6 ,he was a little duck6 he was1 he was1 he was4 ,tzig a tzig1 tzig1 tzig1 tzig1 tzig60 c4 c4 c4 ,illustration ,this emphatic way of speaking is indicative of two very amiable feelings implanted by nature in the female occiput1 and called by the ,phrenologists ,adhesiveness and ,philoprogenitiveness4 ,those who attempt to imitate it will be conscious1 while forcing out their words1 of a peculiar mental emotion1 which we cannot explain otherwise than by saying1 that it is analogous to that which attends the act of pressing or squeezing2 as when1 with the thumb of the right hand1 we knead one lump of putty to another1 in the palm of the left4 ,perhaps we might also instance1 sucking an orange4 ,in all these cases1 the organ of ,weight1 according to ,phrenology1 is also active2 and this1 perhaps1 is one of the faculties which induce young ladies to lay a stress upon their words4 ,nevertheless1 we fear that a damsel would hardly be pleased by being told that her weight was considerable1 though it would1 at the same time1 grievously offend her to accuse her of lightness4 ,here we need scarcely observe1 that we refer to lightness1 not of complexion1 but of sentiment1 which is always regarded as a dark shade in the character4 ,this defect1 we think1 we may safely assert1 will never be observed in emphatic fair ones4 ,but we have not yet quite exhausted the subject of emphasis1 considered in relation to young ladies4 ,their letters are as emphatic as their language is1 almost every third word being underlined4 ,such epistles1 inasmuch as they are addressed to the heart1 ought not to be submitted to the ear2 nevertheless we must say that we have occasionally been wicked and waggish enough to read them aloud--to ourselves alone1 of course4 ,the reader may1 if he choose1 follow our example4 ,we subjoin a specimen of female correspondence1 endeared to us by many tender recollections1 and admirably adapted to our present purpose4 ,my dear ,paul1 ,when we left ,town on ,wednesday last the weather was so very rainy that we were obliged to have the coach windows up4 ,i was terribly afraid that ,matilda and ,i would have caught our ,death of cold2 but thank ,goodness no such untoward event took place4 ,it was very uncomfortable1 and ,i so wished you had been there4 ,when we got home who do you think was there8 ,mr4 ,sims2 and he said he thought that ,i was so much grown4 ,only think4 ,and so then you know we took some refreshment1 for ,i assure you1 what with the journey and altogether we were very nearly famished2 and we were all invited to go to the ,chubbs' that ,evening to a small ,tea ,party1 for which ,i must own ,i thought ,mr4 ,chubb a nice man4 ,after tea we had a carpet waltz1 and although ,i was very tired ,i enjoyed it much4 ,there were some very pretty girls there1 and one or two agreeable young men2 but oh6 c4 ,the remainder of this letter being of a nature personally interesting to ourselves only1 and likely1 in the opinion of some readers1 to render its insertion attributable to motives of vanity1 we shall not be found fault with for objecting to transcribe any more of it4 ,,section ,,iv4 ,,of ,,pauses4 ,a ,pause1 otherwise called a rest1 is an absolute cessation of the voice1 in speaking or reading1 during a perceptible interval1 longer or shorter1 of time4 ,comic ,pauses often occur in ,oratory4 8,unaccustomed as ,i am to public speaking10 is usually followed by a pause of this sort4 ,a young gentleman1 his health having been drunk at a party1 afforded1 in endeavouring to return thanks1 a signal illustration of the ,pause ,comic4 8,gentlemen10 he began1 8the ,ancient ,romans10--7,a pause71--8,i say1 ,gentlemen1 the ,ancient ,romans10--7,hear67--8,the ,ancient ,romans1 ,gentlemen10--7,bravo6 hear6 hear67--8,gentlemen--that is--the ,ancient ,romans0--8were very fine fellows1 ,jack1 ,i dare say10 added a friend1 pulling the speaker down by the coat-tail4 ,that notable ,ancient ,roman1 ,brutus1 is represented by ,shakspere as making a glorious pause3 as1 8,who's here so vile that would not love his country8 ,if any1 speak1 for him have ,i offended4 ,i pause for a reply40 ,illustration ,here1 of course1 ,brutus pauses1 folds his arms1 and looks magnanimous4 ,we have heard1 though1 of an idle and impudent schoolboy1 who1 at a public recitation1 when he had uttered the words 8,i pause for a reply10 gravely took out his penknife and began paring his nails4 ,this was minding his paws with a vengeance4 ,a very long pause1 particularly accompanied by a very serious look on the part of the speaker1 as good as tells the audience that something of great importance is coming4 ,it is therefore necessary to have something of real consequence to bring out4 ,the following extract from a political harangue will show how essential it is to attend to this point3-- 8,and1 ,gentlemen1 when ,i consider1 ,i say1 when ,i consider the condition of the masses of this country1 ,i do think1 and it is my opinion1 that the ,government has much to answer for4 ,but not to dwell on that point1 what have been the deeds1 what have been the proceedings1 ,i may say1 of the ,government itself8 ,they have increased taxation1 they have swelled the ,national ,debt1 they have assailed the liberty of the subject1 they have trampled the poor man in the dust2 he asked for liberty1 and they made him a slave2 he demanded the ,charter1 and they loaded him with fetters2 he knelt for protection1 and they gave him the ,poor ,law2 he cried for bread1 and they gave him the bayonet4 ,by what name1 by what term1 by what expression1 are we to designate such tyranny8 7,a long pause7 444 ,gentlemen6--it is unconstitutional6660 ,,section ,v4 ,,of ,,tones4 ,tones consist of the modulations of the voice1 or the notes or variations of sound which we use in speaking3 thus differing materially both from emphasis and pauses4 ,an interesting diversity of tones is exhibited by the popular voice at an election4 ,also by dust-men1 milk-women1 and pot-boys2 and by fruiterers1 hearth-stone-venders1 ballad-singers1 ,last-,dying-,speech-hawkers1 and old clothesmen itinerant4 ,we cannot exactly write tones 7though it is easy enough to write notes71 but we shall nevertheless endeavour to give some idea of their utility4 ,a lover and a police-magistrate 7unless the two characters should chance to be combined1 which sometimes happens1 that is1 when the latter is a lover of justice7 would say1 8,answer me10 in very different tones4 ,observe1 that two doves billing resemble two magistrates bowing2--because they are beak to beak4 ,illustration ,a lover again would utter the words 8,for ever and ever10 in a very different tone from that in which a ,parish ,clerk would repeat them4 ,a young lady1 on her first introduction to you1 says1 8,sir10 in a tone very unlike that in which she sometime afterwards delivers herself of the same monosyllable when she is addressing you under the influence of jealousy4 ,as to the word 8,sir10 the number of constructions which1 according to the tone in which it is spoken1 it may be made to bear1 are incalculable4 ,we may adduce a few instances4 8,please1 ,sir1 let me off my imposition40 8,no1 ,sir60 8,waiter6 you1 ,sir40 8,yes1 ,sir6 yes1 ,sir60 8,sir1 ,i am greatly obliged to you40 8,sir1 you are quite welcome40 8,your servant1 ,sir0 7by a man who brings you a challenge74 8',servant1 ,sir0 7by a tailor bowing you to the door74 8,sir1 you are a gentleman60 8,sir1 you are a scoundrel60 ,we need not go on with examples ad infinitum4 ,if after what we have said anybody does not understand the nature of ,tone1 all we shall say of him is1 that he is a ,tony ,lumpkin4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,of ,,versification4 ,hurrah6 ,it is with peculiar pleasure that we approach this part of ,prosody2 and we have therefore prefaced it with an exclamation indicative of delight4 ,we belong to a class of persons to whom a celebrated phrenological manipulator ascribes 8some poetical feeling1 if studied or called forth20 and1 to borrow another expression from the same quarter1 we sometimes 8versify a little20 that is to say1 we diversify our literary occupations by an occasional flirtation with the muses4 ,now it gives us great concern to observe that popular literature is becoming very prosaic4 ,poetry and ,boxing have gone out of favour together1 and most probably1--though we have not quite time enough just at present to show how1--from the same cause2 namely1 bad taste4 ,we mention ,boxing along with ,poetry1 because it is remarkable that their decline should have been contemporaneous2 and because we are of those who believe that there exists an essential similarity between all the branches of the ,fine ,arts2 and moreover1 because--and we mention it as a fact no less singular in itself than creditable to the paper in question--that a celebrated weekly periodical bestows especial patronage on both4 ,with regard to ,boxing1 we are glad to see that a few patriotic individuals have of late been endeavouring to revive the taste for it2 and we have some hope that their exertions1 backed by certain cases of stabbing which every now and then occur1 will eventually prove successful4 ,but no one can be found to labour in an equal degree for the advancement of poetry4 ,our innate modesty is prompting us to say1 that we fear we can do but little in the cause2 but early impressions are known to be very strong and lasting3 and we have a notion that1 in teaching youth to make verses1 we shall in a great degree contribute to the breeding up of a race of poets1 and thereby secure1 not only laurels1 at least1 for them1 but also gratitude1 veneration1 and all that kind of thing1 for ourselves4 ,we have a great respect for the memory of our old schoolmaster2 notwithstanding which1 we think we can beat him 7which1 we shall be told by the wags1 would be tit for tat7 at poet-making1 though1 indeed1 he was a magician in his way4 8,i'll make thee a poet1 my boy10 he used to say1 8or the rod shall40 ,let us try what we can do4 ,a verse consists of a certain number and variety of syllables1 put together and arranged according to certain laws4 ,verses being also called dulcet strains1 harmonious numbers1 tuneful lays1 and so forth1 it is clear that such combination and arrangement must be so made as to please the ear4 ,versification is the making of verses4 ,this seems such a truism as to be not worth stating2 but it is necessary to define what ,versification is1 because many people suppose it to be the same thing with poetry4 ,we will prove that it is not4 8,much business in the ,funds has lately been ,transacted various monied men between2 ,though speculation early in the week ,went slowly2 nought was done whereof to speak4 ,the largest operations1 it was found1 ,were twenty-five and fifty thousand pound2 ,the former in reduced ,annuities1 ,and in the ,three per ,cents4 the last of these40 ,we might proceed in the same strain1 but we have already done eight verses without a particle of poetry in them2 and we do not wish to overwhelm people with proofs of what a great many will take upon trust4 ,every fool knows what ,rhyme is2 so we need not say anything about that4 ,,of ,,poetical ,,feet4 ,poetical feet6 ,why1 ,fanny ,elsler's feet and ,taglioni's feet are poetical feet--are they not8 or else what is meant by calling dancing the ,poetry of ,motion8 ,and cannot each of those artistes boast of a toe which is the very essence of all poetry--a 8 ,no4 ,you may make verses on ,taglioni's feet1 7though if she be a poetess1 she can do that better than you1 standing1 too1 on one leg1 like the man that ,horace speaks of72 but you cannot make them of her feet4 ,feet of which verses are composed are made of syllables1 not of bones1 muscles1 and ligaments4 ,feet and pauses are the constituent parts of a verse4 ,we have heard one boy ask another1 who was singing1 8,how much is that a yard80 still the yard is not a poetical measure4 ,the feet which are used in poetry consist either of two or of three syllables4 ,there are four kinds of feet of two1 and an equal number of three syllables4 ,four and four are eight3 therefore ,pegasus is an octoped2 and if our readers do not understand this logic1 we are sorry for it4 ,but as touching the feet--we have #a4 ,the ,trochee1 which has the first syllable accented1 and the last unaccented3 as1 8,ynke dodl40 #b4 ,the ,iambus1 which has the first syllable unaccented1 and the last accented3 as1 8,th mid hrslf wth roge1 ls6 bdabs40 #c4 ,the ,spondee1 which has both the words or syllables accented3 as1 8ll hil1 grat kng1 ,tm ,thmb1 ll hal60 #d4 ,the ,pyrrhic1 which has both the words or syllables unaccented3 as1 8n th tree-top40 #e4 ,the ,dactyl1 which has the first syllable accented and the two latter unaccented3 as1 8,jnthn1 ,jffrsn40 #f4 ,the ,amphibrach has the first and last syllables unaccented and the middle one accented3 as1 8,o'rwelmng1 trnsprtd1 csttc1 dlghtfl1 ccptd1 ddrsss40 #g4 ,the ,anapst 7or as we used to say1 ,nasty-beast7 has the two first syllables unaccented and the last accented3 as1 8vrgrwn grndir40 #h4 ,the ,tribrach has all its syllables unaccented3 as1 8,matrmny1 exqustenss40 ,these feet are divided into principal feet1 out of which pieces of poetry may be wholly or chiefly formed2 and secondary feet1 the use of which is to diversify the number and improve the verse4 ,we shall now proceed to explain the nature of the principal feet4 ,iambic verses are of several kinds1 each kind consisting of a certain number of feet or syllables4 #a4 ,the shortest form of the ,english ,iambic consists of an ,iambus1 with an additional short syllable1 thus coinciding with the ,amphibrach3 as1 8,wht1 ,ssn1 ,my beauty6 ,refuse one ,so true t' ye8 ,this ditty ,of sadness ,begs pity ,for madness40 #b4 ,the second form of the ,english ,iambic consists of two ,iambuses1 and sometimes takes an additional short syllable3 as1 8,my ee1 wht fn1 ,with dog and gun1 ,and song and shout1 ,to roam about6 ,and shoot our snipes6 ,and smoke our pipes6 ,or eat at ease1 ,beneath the trees1 ,our bread and cheese6 ,to rouse the hare ,from gloomy lair2 ,to scale the mountain ,and ford the fountain1 ,while rustics wonder ,to hear our thunder40 ,everybody has heard of the 8,cockney ,school10 of course4 #c4 ,the third form consists of three ,iambuses3 as in the following morceau1 the author of which is1 we regret to say1 unknown to us2 though we did once hear somebody say that it was a ,mr4 ,anon4 8,jck ,sprt at ll th ft1 ,his wife eat all the lean1 ,and so between them both1 ,they lick'd the platter clean40 ,in this verse an additional short syllable is also admitted3 as1 8lxs1 yothfl plogh-by1 ,a shepherdess adored1 ,who loved fat ,hodge1 the cow-boy1 ,so t'other chap was floored40 #d4 ,the fourth form is made up of four ,iambuses3 as1 8die my bots1 cmpnins ld1 ,new footed twice1 and four times soled2 ,my footsteps ye have guarded long1 ,life's brambles1 thorns1 and flints among2 ,and now you're past the cobbler's art1 ,and ,fate declares that we must part4 ,ah me6 what cordial can restore ,the gaping patch repatch'd before8 ,what healing art renew the weal ,of subject so infirm of heel8 ,what potion1 pill1 or draught control ,so deep an ulcer of the sole80 #e4 ,the fifth species of ,english ,iambic consists of five ,iambuses3 as1 8,cme1 ,trgc ,mse1 n tttr'd vst rry'd1 ,and while through blood1 and mud1 and crimes ,i wade1 ,support my steps1 and this1 my strain1 inspire ,with ,horror's blackest thoughts and bluest fire60 ,the ,epic of which the above example is the opening1 will perhaps appear hereafter4 ,this kind of ,iambic constitutes what is called the ,heroic measure3--of which we shall have more to say by and by2 but shall only remark at present that it1 in common with most of the ordinary ,english measures1 is susceptible of many varieties1 by the admission of other feet1 as ,trochees1 ,dactyls1 ,anapsts1 c4 #f4 ,our ,iambic in its sixth form1 is commonly called the ,alexandrine measure4 ,it consists of six ,iambuses3 as1 8,hs wrshp gve th wrd1 nd ,snoks ws brne wy40 ,the ,alexandrine is sometimes introduced into heroic rhyme1 and when used1 as the late ,mr4 ,john ,reeve was wont to say1 8with a little moderation10 occasions an agreeable variety4 ,thus1 the example quoted is preceded by the following lines3-- 8,what6 found at midnight with a darkey1 lit1 ,a bull-dog1 jemmy1 screw1 and centre-bit ,and tongueless of his aim8 ,it cannot be ,but he was bent1 at least1 on felony2 ,he stands remanded4 #8,ho6 ,policeman ,a6' ,his ,worship gave the word1 and ,snooks was borne away40 #g4 ,the seventh and last form of our ,iambic measure is made up of seven ,iambuses4 ,this species of verse has been immortalised by the adoption of those eminent hands1 ,messrs4 ,sternhold and ,hopkins4 ,it runs thus3-- 8,god popl ll1 pry drw nar1 fr yu neds mst tll1 ,that ,william ,brown is dead and gone2 the man you knew full well4 ,a broad brimm'd hat1 black breeches1 and an old ,welch wig he wore3 ,and now and then a long brown coat all button'd up before40 ,the present measure is as admirably adapted for the ,platform as for the ,conventicle4 8,my name it is ,bill ,scroggins1 and my fate it is to die1 ,for ,i was at the ,sessions tried and cast for felony4 ,my friends1 to these my dying words ,i pray attention lend1 ,the public-house has brought me unto this untimely end40 ,verses of this kind are now usually broken into two lines1 with four feet in the first line1 and three in the second3 as1 8 wsh wre lttl pig ,to wallow in the mire1 ,to eat1 and drink1 and sleep at ease ,is all that ,i desire40 ,trochaic verse is of several kinds4 #a4 ,the shortest ,trochaic verse in the ,english language consists of one ,trochee and a long syllable3 as1 8,blly ,blck ,got the sack40 ,lindley ,murray asserts that this measure is defective in dignity1 and can seldom be used on serious occasions4 ,yet it is ,pope who thus sings3 8,dreadful screams1 ,dismal gleams4 ,fires that glow1 ,shrieks of woe10 c4 ,and for our own poor part1 let us see what we can make out of a storm4 8,see the clouds ,like to shrouds ,all so dun1 ,hide the ,sun2 ,daylight dies2 ,winds arise2 ,songsters quake1 ',midst the brake2 ,shepherds beat ,swift retreat3 8,lo you there6 ,high in air ,whirlwinds snatch ,tiles and thatch6 ,steeple nods6 ,oh6 ye ,gods6 ,hark6--that bang6-- ,brazen clang6 ,there the bell ,thund'ring fell6 ,thunder rolls-- ,save our souls6-- ,welkin glares-- ,lightning flares1 ,while it splits ,oak to bits-- ,hail comes down-- ,oh1 my crown6 ,patter crack6 ,clatter whack6 ,how it pours6 ,ocean roars1 ,earth replies-- ,mind your eyes-- ,here's a cave-- ,oh6 that's brave6 ,gracious ,powers ,safety's ours60 #b4 ,the second ,english form of the ,trochaic consists of two feet3 as1 8,vrmcll1 ,crrnt jlly40 ,it sometimes contains two feet1 or trochees1 with an additional long syllable3 as1 8,yoth nclned t wd1 ,go and shave thy head40 #c4 ,the third species consists of three trochees3 as1 8,sng song f sxpnce40 or of three trochees1 with an additional long syllable3 as1 8,thrce my cat1 hve 'er the rll'd1 ,summer hot and winter cold1 ,since the ,snip's creative art ,into being bade thee start2 8,now like works the most sublime1 ,thou display'st the power of ,time4 ,broad grey patches plainly trace1 ,right and left each blade-bone's place2 ,when thy shining collar's scann'd1 ,punsters think on classic land3 ,thread-bare sleeves thine age proclaim1 ,elbows worn announce the same2 ,elbows mouldy-black of hue1 ,save where white a crack shines through2 ,while thy parting seams declare ,thou'rt unfit for farther wear-- ,then1 farewell6 8,what6 ,moses6 ho60 8,clo'1 ,sir8 clo'1 ,sir8 clo'1 ,sir8 clo'80 #d4 ,the fourth ,trochaic species consists of four trochees3 as1 8gh6 yu lttl lmp f blbbr1 ,sleep1 oh6 sleep in quiet1 do6 ,cease awhile your bib to slobber-- ,cease your bottle mouth to screw4 8,how ,i wish your eyelids never ,would unclose again at all2 ,for ,i know as soon as ever ,you're awake1 you're sure to squall4 8,dad and ,mammy's darling honey1 ,tomb-stone cherub1 stuff'd with slops1 ,let each noodle1 dolt1 and spooney ,smack1 who will1 your pudding chops4 8,as for me1 as soon ,i'd smother1 ,as ,i'd drown a sucking cat1 ,you1 you cub1 or any other ,nasty little squalling brat40 ,illustration3 8,would you1 you disagreeable old ,bachelor80 ,this form may take an additional long syllable1 but this measure is very uncommon4 ,example3 8,chrnnhtnthlgs th ,grat1 ,godlike in a barrow kept his state40 #e4 ,the fifth ,trochaic species is likewise uncommon2 and1 as a ,bowbellian would say1 8uncommon0 ugly4 ,it contains five trochees3 as1 8,hre les ,mry1 wfe f ,thms ,crtr1 ,who to typhus fever proved a martyr40 ,these are a specimen of the 8uncouth rhymes0 so touchingly alluded to by ,gray4 #f4 ,the sixth form of the ,english ,trochaic is a line of six trochees3 as1 8,mst bwtchng dmsl1 charmng rbll1 ,prithee1 cast an eye of pity on a fellow40 ,the ,dactylic measure is extremely uncommon4 ,the following may be considered an example of one species of it3 8,cli th crl1 rslv'd nt t mrry son1 ,boasts of a heart like a fortified garrison1 ,bulwarks and battlements keeping the beaux all off1 ,shot from within knocking lovers like foes all off40 ,anapstic verses are of various kinds4 #a4 ,the shortest anapstic verse is a single anapst3 as1 8n th glss ,there's an ass40 ,this measure1 after all1 is ambiguous2 for if the stress of the voice be laid on the first and third syllables1 it becomes trochaic4 ,perhaps1 therefore1 it is best to consider the first form of our ,anapstic verse1 as made up of two anapsts3 as1 8,st scholby t wrk ,with a knife and a fork40 ,and here1 if you like1 you may have another short syllable3 as1 8nd hw son th yong glttn ,will astonish your mutton60 #b4 ,the second species consists of three anapsts3 as1 8mrlls ws slndr nd tll1 ,colin ,clodpole was dumpy and fat2 ,and tho' she did'n't like him at all1 ,yet he doted on her for all that40 ,this metre is sometimes donominated sing-song4 #c4 ,the third kind of ,english ,anapstics may be very well exemplified by an ,irish song3 8,hve yu 'er hd th lck t se ,dnnybrok ,fir80 ,it consists1 as will have been observed1 of four anapsts4 ,sometimes it admits of a short syllable at the end of the verse3 as1 8n th dad f th nght1 whn wth dre ctrwulng ,of grimalkins in chorus the house-tops resound2 ,all insensibly drunk1 and unconsciously sprawling ,in the kennel1 how pleasant it is to be found60 ,the various specimens of versification of which examples have been given1 may be improved and varied by the admission of secondary feet into their composition2 but as we are not writing an ,art of ,poetry1 we cannot afford to show how3 particularly as the only way1 after all1 of acquiring a real knowledge of the structure of ,english verse1 is by extensive reading4 ,besides1 there yet remain a few ,directions for ,poetical ,beginners1 which we feel ourselves called upon to give1 and for which1 if we do not take care1 we shall not have room4 ,the commencement of a poet's career is usually the writing of nonsense verses4 ,the nonsense of these compositions is very often unintentional2 but sometimes words are put together avowedly without regard to sense1 and with no other view than that of acquiring a familiarity with metrical arrangement3 as1 8,approach1 disdain1 involuntary1 tell40 ,but this is dry work4 ,it may be necessary to compose in this way just at first1 but in our opinion1 there is a good and a bad taste to be displayed even in writing nonsense verses2 that is1 verses which really deserve that name4 ,we recommend the young poet to make it his aim to render his nonsense as ,,perfect as possible4 ,he will find many bright examples to follow in the world of literature3 but perhaps1 for the present1 he will put up with our own4 8,conclusive tenderness2 fraternal grog1 ,tidy conjunction2 adamantine bog1 ,impetuous1 arrant toadstool2 ,thundering quince1 ,repentant dog-star1 inessential ,prince ,expound4 ,pre-,adamite eventful gun1 ,crush retribution1 currant-jelly1 pun4 ,oh6 eligible ,darkness1 fender1 sting ,heav'n-born ,insanity1 courageous thing4 ,intending1 bending1 scouring1 piercing all1 ,death like pomatum1 tea1 and crabs must fall40 ,a very good method of making nonsense verses1 consists in taking bits1 selected here and there at random1 out of some particular poet1 or phrases in his style1 and then putting them together with a few additions of your own secundm artem4 ,sometimes1 however1 it answers very well to copy a page or so of an author word for word4 ,nonsense verses composed in this manner1 form not only a beneficial exercise1 but are also very useful for insertion in young ladies' albums2 as they can be made without much trouble1 and when made1 are not only thought just as well of as the most sensible productions would be1 but very often cried over into the bargain1 as affecting and pathetic4 ,,example4 ,,the ,,ocean ,,wanderer4 8,bright breaks the warrior o'er the ocean wave ,through realms that rove not1 clouds that cannot save1 ,sinks in the sunshine2 dazzles o'er the tomb1 ,and mocks the mutiny of ,memory's gloom4 ,oh6 who can feel the crimson ecstasy ,that soothes with bickering jar the ,glorious ,free8 ,o'er the high rock the foam of gladness throws1 ,while star-beams lull ,vesuvius to repose3 ,girds the white spray1 and in the blue lagoon1 ,weeps like a walrus o'er the waning moon8 ,who can declare8--not thou1 pervading boy ,whom pibrochs pierce not1 crystals cannot cloy2-- ,not thou1 soft ,architect of silvery gleams1 ,whose soul would simmer in ,hesperian streams1 ,th' exhaustless fire--the bosom's azure bliss1 ,that hurtles1 life-like1 o'er a scene like this2-- ,defies the distant agony of ,day-- ,and sweeps o'er hecatombs--away6 away6 ,say1 shall ,destruction's lava load the gale1 ,the furnace quiver1 and the mountain quail8 ,say1 shall the son of ,sympathy pretend ,his cedar fragrance with our ,chief's to blend8 ,there1 where the gnarled monuments of sand ,howl their dark whirlwinds to the levin brand2 ,where avalanches wail1 and green ,distress ,sweeps o'er the pallid beak of loveliness3 ,where melancholy ,sulphur holds her sway2 ,and cliffs of ,conscience tremble1 and obey2 ,and where ,tartarean rattle-snakes expire1 ,twisting like tendrils of a hero's pyre8 ,no6 dancing in the meteor's hall of power1 ,see1 ,genius ponders o'er ,affection's tower6 ,a form of thund'ring import soars on high1 ,hark6 'tis the gore of infant melody3 ,no more shall verdant ,innocence amuse ,the lips that death-fraught ,indignation glues2-- ,tempests shall teach the trackless tide of thought1 ,that undistinguish'd senselessness is nought3 ,freedom shall glare2 and oh6 ye links divine1 ,the ,poet's heart shall quiver in the brine40 ,suppose we try another metre4 8,the ,spirit saw and smiled1 ,and an interminable radiance glowed ,throughout her lucid frame2 ,there rose within her soul ,a wild unspeakable intelligence1 ,a sweet and gentle light1 ,which through her eyes in countless flashes shone ,intolerably bright2 ,like to an infinite multitude of stars ,gemming the arch of ,heaven2 ,or1 rather1 like the shining balls that come ,out of a ,roman candle40 ,however1 we are not quite sure that1 with the exception of the two last lines1 we have not quoted the rest of the foregoing example from memory4 ,it were manifestly culpable to make no mention1 in a work of this sort1 of certain measures which are especially and essentially of a comic nature4 ,some of these have been already adverted to1 but two principal varieties yet remain to be considered4 #a4 ,measures taken from the ,latin1 in which the structure of the ancient verse1 as far as the number and arrangement of the feet are concerned1 is preserved1 but the quantity of which is regulated in accordance with the spirit of our own language4 ,the character of such verses will be best displayed by employing them on sentimental or serious subjects4 ,take1 for example1 ,long and ,short1 or ,hexameter and ,pentameter verses4 8,jl1 grl f my hert1 s thn jssmne swetr1 r frsh mads ,hy-cvr'd2 wht rse tnts thse n hr cheks1 tht flursh1 ,approach8 those bright eyes1 what stars1 what glittering dew-drops8 ,and oh6 what ,parian marble1 or snow1 that bosom8 ,if she my love return1 what bliss will be greater than mine2 but ,what more deep sadness if she reprove my passion8 ,either a bridegroom proud yon ivy-clad church shall receive me ,soon2 or the cold church-yard me with its turf shall cover40 ,or the ,sapphic metre1 of which the late ,mr4 ,canning's 8,knife-,grinder0 is so brilliant an example4 ,sappho1 fair reader1 was a poetess1 who made love-verses which could be actually scanned4 ,history relates that1 for the sake of some unprincipled or unfeeling fellow1 she committed felo de se4 8#8 cn ndre ths crl pin n lngr2 ,fare ye well1 blue skies1 rivers1 fields1 and song-birds6' ,thus the youth spoke3 and adding1 #8,oh1 ,jemima6' ,plunged in the billow60 ,illustration #b4 ,measures reducible to no rule1 or ,doggrel4 ,sternhold and ,hopkins1 of whom such honourable mention has been made above1 were illustrious as ,doggrel writers4 ,they have been somewhat eclipsed1 however1 by their modern successors1 ,nicholas ,brady and ,nahum ,tate1 who may1 perhaps1 be safely pronounced the chief of uninspired bards4 ,original composers in this description of verse are often not much more particular about ,syntax1--and we might add ,orthography1--than they are about ,prosody4 ,the following extract from an unpublished satire on the singing of a country catch-club1 is a tolerably fair specimen of ,english ,doggrel3-- 8,a gentleman1 who was passing by1 ,was very much amazed at what they were going to try1 ,said1 #8,hear their voices1 how they sing1 ,how badly they all chime in6' ,after such singing1 what do you think of us1 ,to send forth sounds of mirthfulness80 ,doggrel is commonly used by anonymous poets for the purpose of embodying the moral reflections which a homicide or an execution excites in the sensitive mind4 ,it is likewise the metre in which the imaginative sempstress pours forth the feelings of her bosom4 ,may we hope that our remarks on ,prosody will in some little degree tend to facilitate1 perhaps to improve1 the future treatment of those two deeply interesting subjects--,love and ,murder8 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,punctuation4 8,mind your stops40 ,this is one of the earliest maxims inculcated by the instructors of youth4 ,hence it is clear that the subject of ,punctuation is an important one2 but inasmuch as the reader1 who has arrived at the present page1 has either not understood a word that he has been reading1 or else knows as much about the matter as we can tell him1 we fear that a long dissertation concerning periods1 commas1 and so on1 would only serve to embarrass his progress in learning with useless ,,stops4 ,we shall1 therefore1 confine ourselves to that notice of ,punctuation1 and that only1 which the peculiar nature of our work may require4 ,first1 it may be remarked1 that the notes of admiration which we so often hear in theatres1 may be called notes of hand4 ,secondly1 that notes of interrogation are not at all like bank notes2 although they are largely uttered in ,banco ,regin4 ,let us now proceed with our subject4 ,it is both absurd and inconvenient to stand upon points4 ,illustration ,of how much consequence1 however1 ,punctuation is1 the student may form some idea1 by considering the different effects which a piece of poetry1 for instance1 which he has been accustomed to regard as sublime or beautiful1 will have1 when liberties are taken with it in that respect4 ,imagine an actor commencing ,hamlet's famous soliloquy1 thus3-- 8,to be2 or not to be that is4 ,the question10 c4 ,or saying1 in the person of ,duncan1 in ,macbeth3 8,this castle hath a pleasant seat1 the air40 ,or as the usurper himself1 exclaiming1 8,the devil damn thee black1 thou cream-faced loon6 ,where got'st thou that goose8 ,look60 ,illustration ,crying1 as ,romeo1 8,it is my lady ,o6 ,it is my love60 ,or in the character of ,norval1 in the tragedy of ,douglas1 giving this account of himself and his origin3 8,my name is ,norval4 ,on the ,grampian hills ,my father feeds40 ,in short1 ,punctuation is the soul of ,grammar1 as ,punctuality is that of business4 ,perhaps somebody or other may take advantage of what we have said1 to prove both ,punctuation and ,punctuality immaterial4 ,no matter4 ,how very punctual the present ,ministers are6 how well they keep their appointments6 ,we have now said as much as we think it necessary to say on the head of ,english ,grammar4 ,we shall conclude our labours with an 8,address to ,young ,students20 and as to the question1 what that has to do with our subject1 we shall leave it to be settled by ,lindley ,murray1 whose example1 in this respect1 we follow4 ,all we shall observe is1 that in our opinion1 advice concerning manners stands in the same relation to a ,comic ,english ,grammar1 as instruction in morals does to a ,serious one4 ,for the remarks which it will now be our business to make1 we bespeak the indulgence of our elder readers1 and the attention of such as are of tender age4 ,,address ,,to ,,young ,,students4 ,,young ,,gentlemen1 ,having attentively perused the foregoing pages1 you will be desirous1 it is to be presumed1 of carrying still further those comical pursuits in which1 with both pleasure and profit to yourselves1 you have been lately engaged4 ,should such be your laudable intention1 you will learn1 with feelings of lively satisfaction1 that it is one1 in the accomplishment of which1 thanks to ,modern ,taste1 you will find encouragement at every step4 ,the literature of the day is professedly comic1 and of the few works which are not made ludicrous by the design of their authors1 the majority are rendered so in spite of it4 ,in the course of your reading1 however1 you will be frequently brought into contact with hackney-coachmen1 cabmen1 lackeys1 turnkeys1 thieves1 lawyers' clerks1 medical students1 and other people of that description1 who are all very amusing when properly viewed1 as the monkeys and such like animals at the ,zoological ,gardens are1 when you look at them through the bars of their cage4 ,but too great familiarity with persons of this class is sure to breed contempt1 not for them and their manners1 but for the usages and modes of expression adopted in parlours and drawing-rooms1 that is to say1 in good society4 ,nay1 it is very likely to cause those who indulge in it to learn various tricks and eccentricities1 both of behaviour and speech1 for 8,it is certain1 that either wise bearing or ignorant carriage is caught1 as men take diseases1 one of another40 ,shakspere4 ,beset thus1 as you will necessarily be1 by perils and dangers in your wanderings amid the fields of ,comicality1 you will derive great advantage from knowing before-hand what you are likely to meet with1 and what it will be incumbent on you to avoid4 ,it is to furnish you with this information that the following hints and instructions are intended4 ,be careful1 when you hear yourself called by name1 to reply 8,here ,i am10 and not 8,here you are10 an error into which you are very likely to be led by the perusal of existing authors4 ,when you partake1 if it be your habit to do so1 of the beverage called porter1 drink it as you would water1 or any other liquid4 ,do not wink your eye1 or nod sideways to your companion2 such actions1 especially when preceded by blowing away the foam which collects on the top of the vessel1 being exceedingly inelegant3 and in order that you may not be incommoded by this foam or froth1 always pour the fluid gently into a tumbler1 instead of drinking it out of the metallic tankard in which it is usually brought to you4 ,in asking for malt liquor generally1 never request the waiter to 8draw it mild20 and do not1 on any occasion1 be guilty of using the same phrase in a metaphorical sense1 that is to say1 as a substitute1 for 8,do it quietly40 8,be gentle10 and the like4 ,never exhort young ladies1 during a quadrille1 to 8fake away10 or to 8flare up10 for they1 being unacquainted with the meaning of such terms1 will naturally conclude that it is an improper one4 ,call all articles of dress by their proper names4 ,what delight can be found by a thinking mind in designating a hat as a tile1 trousers1 kickseys1 a neckerchief1 a fogle1 or a choker2 or a great coat1 an upper ,benjamin8 ,and never speak of clothes1 collectively1 as togs or toggery4 ,avoid inquiries after the health of another person's mother1 using that word synonymously with ,mamma1 to denote a female parent4 ,though you may be really innocent of any intention to be rude1 your motives may very possibly be misconstrued4 ,remember1 also1 on no account to put questions1 either to friends or strangers1 respecting the quantity of soap in their possession4 ,should it be necessary for you to speak of some one smoking tobacco1 do not call that substance a weed1 or the act of using it 8blowing a cloud40 ,when an acquaintance pays you a visit1 take care1 in rising to receive him1 not to appear to be washing your hands1 and1 should you be engaged in writing at the time1 place your pen on the table1 or in the inkstand1 and not behind your ear4 ,observe1 when your tailor comes to measure you1 the way in which he wears his hair1 and should your own style in this particular unfortunately resemble his1 be sure to alter it immediately4 ,never dance la cuisinire1 that is to say1 do not cut capers4 ,eschew large shirt pins4 ,be not guilty of patent leather boots4 ,never say 8,ma'am0 or 8,miss10 in addressing a young lady4 ,if you cannot contrive to speak to her without doing so1 say nothing4 ,in conversation1 especially in female society1 beware of indulging in jocose expressions1 or witticisms1 on the subject of executions4 ,if it be necessary to remark that such and such a person expiated his crimes on the scaffold1 content yourself with simply mentioning the circumstance1 and do not make any attempt to illustrate your meaning by dropping your head on your right shoulder1 and jerking up your neckcloth under your left ear4 ,never1 under any circumstances1 let the abbreviation 8gent40 for gentleman1 escape the enclosure of your teeth4 ,above all things1 for the sake of whatever you hold most dear1 never say 8me and another gent40 ,it may happen1 that a youthful acquaintance may so far forget himself as to talk of giving another 8monkey's allowance1 more kicks than half-pence40 ,you1 of course1 will never dream of giving utterance to such language1 nor will any inducement1 it is to be hoped1 ever prevail upon you to say1 as an unthinking young friend once did1 hearing the above threat made1 8that you prefer kicks 7meaning thereby sixpences7 to half-pence40 ,in general avoid all low wit4 ,when you receive a coin of any kind1 deposit it at once in your pocket1 without the needless preliminary of furling it in the air4 ,never ask a gentleman how much he has a-year4 ,in speaking of a person of your own age1 or of an elderly gentleman1 do not say1 ,old ,so-and-,so1 but ,so-and-so1 or ,mr4 ,so-and-so1 as the case may be3 and have no nicknames for each other4 ,we were much horrified not long since1 by hearing a great coarse fellow1 in a leathern hat and fustian jacket1 exclaim1 turning round to his companion1 8,now1 then1 come along1 old ,blokey60 ,when you have got a cold in the head and weak eyes1 do not go and call on young ladies4 ,do not eat gravy with a knife1 for fear those about you should suppose you to be going to commit suicide4 ,in offering to help a person at dinner1 do not say1 8,allow me to assist you40 ,when you ask people what wine they will take1 never say1 8,what'll you have80 or1 8,what'll you do it in80 ,if you are talking to a clergyman about another member of the clerical profession1 adopt some other method of describing his avocation than that of saying1 8,i believe he is in your line40 ,do not recommend an omelet to a lady1 as a good article4 ,be cautious not to use the initial letter of a person's surname1 in mentioning or in addressing him4 ,for instance1 never think of saying1 8,mrs4 ,hobbs1 pray1 how is ,mr4 ,h480 ,we here approach the conclusion of our labours4 ,young gentlemen1 once more it is earnestly requested that you will give your careful attention to the rules and admonitions which have been above laid down for your guidance4 ,we might have given a great many more2 but we hope that the spirit of our instructions will enable the diligent youth to supply1 by observation and reflection1 that which1 for obvious reasons1 we have necessarily left unsaid4 ,and now we bid you farewell4 ,that you may never have the misfortune of entering1 with splashed boots1 a drawing-room full of ladies2 that you may never1 having been engaged in a brawl on the previous evening1 meet1 with a black eye1 the object of your affections the next morning2 that you may never1 in a moment of agitation1 omit the aspirate1 or use it when you ought not2 that your laundress may always do justice to your linen2 and your tailor make your clothes well1 and send them home in due time2 that your braces may never give way during a waltz2 that you may never1 sitting in a strong light at a large dinner-party1 suddenly remember that you have not shaved for two days2 that your hands and face may ever be free from tan1 chaps1 freckles1 pimples1 brandy-blossoms1 and all other disfigurements2 that you may never be either inelegantly fat1 or ridiculously lean2 and finally1 that you may always have plenty to eat1 plenty to drink1 and plenty to laugh at1 we earnestly and sincerely wish4 ,and should your lot in life be other than fortunate1 we can only say1 that we advise you to bear it with patience2 to cultivate ,comic ,philosophy2 and to look upon your troubles as a joke4 ,illustration3 ,,vivat ,,regina6 ,,the ,,end4 ,,london3 ,,printed ,,by ,,samuel ,,bentley1 ,,bangor ,,house1 ,,shoe ,,lane4 ,,footnotes3 #a ,it may be said that ,punch is a foreign importation4 ,true2 and the same assertion may be made respecting the drink of that name1 the ingredients of which are all exotic1 except the water3 nevertheless the peculiar fondness of our countrymen for it will hardly on that account be questioned4 ,but the real fact is1 that there is nothing outlandish about ,punch except the name1 and even that has been ,anglicised4 ,we are proverbial for improving on the inventions of other nations1 but we have done more than improve upon ,punch2 we have entirely remodelled his character2 and he is now no more an ,italian than the descendant of one who came in with the ,conqueror is a ,norman4 ,the correctness of this position will be found to be singularly borne out on a perusal of that celebrated work1 8,punch and ,judy20 in which 7no doubt from unavoidable circumstances7 the dialogues were actually taken down from the mouth of an ,italian1 one ,piccini1 an itinerant exhibitor of the drama4 ,the book is1 or ought to be1 in everybody's hands4 ,still1 let any one refer to that particular part of it1 and1 provided that his taste is a correct one1 he will not fail to be struck with the deteriorating effect which ,signor ,piccini's broken ,english and ,italian loquacity have produced on the spirit of the original4 ,nothing is more characteristic of the real ,mr4 ,punch than the laconic manner in which he expresses himself1 and nothing at the same time is more ,english4 ,as to the embellishments of his discourse1 introduced by ,piccini1 they are about as appropriate and admirable as ,colley ,cibber's improvements on ,richard the ,third4 #b ,see ,warren's 8,ode to ,kitty of ,shoe ,lane10 ,advertisements1 ,london ,press1 passim4