,,the ,,myth ,,in ,,marriage by ,alice ,hubbard ,the ,roycrofters ,east ,aurora ,n4,y4 ,copyright1 #aiab ,by ,alice ,hubbard ,,contents ,,foreword #g ,,romance #ac ,,the ,,revelation #ai ,,facts #ba ,,an ,,awakening #be ,,the ,,natural ,,marriage #bi ,,the ,,social ,,marriage #cc ,,the ,,marriage ,,of ,,convenience #cg ,,conclusion #ci ,,the ,,business ,,of ,,marriage #da ,,primitive ,,bondage #de ,,nature',s ,,method #di ,,economic ,,freedom #ec ,,citizens #ee ,,enforced ,,dependence #fc ,,homogeneity #ga ,,romance #ge ,,foreword ,marriage is a subject of interest to all adults1 and at one time in almost every life it is the vision that fills the horizon4 ,to many it is a mirage4 ,to a few it proves to be the hills from whence cometh their strength4 ,the rising sun of romance tips every blade of grass1 every leaf and flower and twig1 with the mystery and miracle of color and perfume4 ,the noonday light reveals truth that the half-light of the dawn could not show4 ,and evening twilight garners all the richness of marriage4 ,the purpose of this book is to enlighten by bringing into the light of day experiences that must come into the lives of women and men4 --,alice ,hubbard4 ,the ,myth in ,marriage ,there is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that he must take himself for better1 for worse1 as his portion2 that though the wide universe is full of good1 no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till4--,emerson4 ,,romance ,the object of love expands and grows before us to eternity1 until it includes all that is lovely1 and we become all that can love4--,thoreau4 ,marriage1 although a most common incident in life1 is understood as little as is birth1 life and death4 ,people are perpetually ignorant on the subject1 and insist upon remaining in this state until the veil of their temple is rent in twain1 and their holy of holies has daylight thrown upon it4 ,love is a sacred mystery whose secret is as yet locked away from mortals4 ,we recognize a few of its manifestations and dream of its power4 ,we connect it in our thoughts with marriage and birth1 but we assume its presence3 we do not bring proof4 ,love is spirit1 and can not be analyzed nor understood4 ,the most that man can apprehend of it is to know its absence or its presence4 ,its most refined manifestations have come to us with the development of intellect4 ,there are only a few examples of the manifestation of great love in history4 ,so rare are the people capable of its expression that the whole world wonders and in awe has said that the ,creator is ,love4 ,and lovers have been set apart as belonging to the ,great ,mystery and revered in degree as is the ,source of ,love4 ,one of the phases of this manifestation in people is the desire to give4 ,the lover withholds nothing from his beloved4 ,there is one desire--to give all4 ,thus is the mind expanded until it reaches truth never before seen4 ,love is the enlightener of the soul4 ,it is the all-seeing eye that discovers the highest possibilities in man4 ,its eternal desire is to fulfil these4 ,i can do no ill1 because ,i could not meet the beloved on terms of equality if there were any stain upon my soul4 ,my hands and my heart must be clean4 ,love's longing is to be entirely whole1 clean and strong4 ,love would never deceive4 ,it is kindred only to truth and good4 ,all of life is sacred to the lover1 and all life is sacred to him4 ,the lover is not so anxious that the beloved shall be perfect1 as that she herself1 he himself1 shall be without blemish4 ,love purifies the lover4 ,love makes the lover clean4 ,there is no such thing as unrequited love1 for to have loved is all the compensation there is4 ,the soul asks no more4 ,there is a sublime dignity in love--a majesty that suggests unlimited power4 ,to love is an individual experience4 ,the object of the love is only the means to this end of awakening and purification4 ,when the lover asks aught from the beloved1 he has descended from the spiritual estate and begins to haggle and barter4 ,then it is not love1 but becomes something to buy and sell with4 ,love radiates from the individual1 as rays of light from its source4 ,when the lover wants to continue the ecstacy of the experience of unselfishness1 prolong the forgetfulness of his sordid self1 he does what8 ,just the opposite of what will secure for him this ,nirvana6 ,he begins to demand4 ,he asks her to be forever near him1 she asks him to forever stay1 all in faith1 believing that the soul-awakener is a person1 when the person has only reminded the soul of an ideal4 ,for a time this person keeps this ideal living before the soul of the lover4 ,elbert ,hubbard says1 ,i love you because you love the things ,i love4 ,there is a trinity in love4 ,lovers make the soul to see a similar ideal which both love4 ,so long as each asks nothing from the other1 makes no demand1 this ideal may continue to come before the mind1 and remain there while the person is present1 and return at the thought of the beloved4 ,,the ,,revelation ,the gay enchantment was undone1 ,a gentle wife1 but fairy none4--,emerson4 ,the ecstacy of feeling the presence of the ideal may continue for many meetings and partings1 until the lovers believe that each is responsible for the beautiful ideal that is theirs4 ,they arrange to live permanently in each other's presence4 ,but this living together has induced a thousand conditions that had nothing whatever to do with the ecstacy of the soul4 ,young people do not realize how much economics has to do with every-day living until they are face to face with every-day life4 ,earning money1 the drudgery in housework1 the personal habits of the individuals1 intimate tastes and prejudices1 are all foreign to the awakening of ideals in the soul4 ,the beloved1 who was once an angel1 becomes a wife1 a weaver1 a worker1 a plain human being1 subject to the shortcomings and ignorance that other human beings have4 ,and the lover1 who is also beloved1 becomes a husband1 an earner of money1 in competition with other workers1 subject to irritation1 weariness1 discouragements1 human failings4 ,the human qualities1 the frailties and shortcomings1 do not inspire the soul to high ideals4 ,and each looks across the impassable gulf of the breakfast-table and wonders why they introduced into their lives a spy4 ,where is the ideal ,i was to dwell with8 ,where is the ideal that was to abide with me8 ,their souls are wrenched in anguish4 ,,facts ,you must stand up straight and put a name upon your actions4--,stevenson4 ,the business in marriage requires commonsense about ninety-nine per cent4 ,there is usually less romance in marriage than in any other relationship of life4 ,but the general idea concerning marriage is that it is all or nearly all romance4 ,there is no other business partnership so intimate and complex as that in marriage4 ,and this partnership is entered into1 the legal papers are drawn1 witnesses to the transaction are called1 and a life agreement is made without thought1 discussion or an agreement concerning the business part of this partnership4 ,emphasis has been placed only upon the love1 the part of the contract which mortals can not control4 ,the business part of this contract holds the destinies of the contracting parties as no other partnership can4 ,husband and wife can ruin each other's fortunes utterly4 ,no outsider can do this4 ,we would consider two men ridiculous who entered into a business partnership1 discussing with each other only the pleasure they anticipated in seeing each other so constantly as they would1 working side by side each day4 ,imagine one partner saying to the other1 ,with all my worldly goods ,i thee endow1 and slipping upon his finger a little gold ring4 ,then for the duration of this partnership1 the privileged partner giving to him who wears the ring what he is inclined1 varying as the joy in each other's presence waxes or wanes4 ,the idea is silly4 ,and yet a man and a woman may contract to live together1 giving little serious thought to the business part of such living1 until they find that mortals can not live on romance1 and that the joy of their lives has flown away4 ,ecstacy continued1 burns up life1 and is not intended except for inspiration4 ,love may continue with marriage1 and it may not4 ,civilization has drifted us into conditions where it is difficult for romance to continue after the lovers enter into the business of life together4 ,marriage is of universal interest4 ,the weal or woe of the race is involved in it4 ,it is a natural incident in the lives of lovers2 but the marriage of lovers1 although an incident in love1 becomes an event in their lives because of the business partnership1 which phase they did not contemplate4 ,the primal purpose in the marriage of lovers is that they may be perpetually purified1 that they may live constantly their best4 ,to do this they must have the ,ideal forever before them4 ,when the business part of marriage shows another side of their natures1 the ,ideal may take wings4 ,then they naturally feel they are cheated4 ,their first impulse is to run away from this trouble1 to get back to the ,ideal before it has been effaced4 ,,an ,,awakening ,love1 indeed1 is light from heaven2 ,a spark of that immortal fire by ,allah given4--,byron4 ,the expressions1 falling in love1 and making love1 are terms suggesting something that is impossible4 ,no one falls in love4 ,the experience of loving may come when a person has evolved where fine perceptions are possible4 ,all living is an awakening process in which there are many degrees of consciousness4 ,at a certain stage in his evolution1 a human being is able to see and feel certain truth4 ,the imagination is a power which is developed with intellect and fine feeling4 ,the imagination can create a world and people it4 ,in this way1 ideals are perpetually made4 ,humanity's effort to realize ideals is evolution4 ,when man can image a human being that fulfils the highest ideal he can create1 the soul rejoices4 ,man forgets the imperfect in his ecstacy when contemplating the perfect4 ,and when one human being sees another human being who reminds him1 more or less1 of his ideal1 he is said to love4 ,he does not fall nor make1 he realizes1 he awakens1 and sometimes re-creates4 ,it may often occur that the person who awakens one to this ideal may recall this ideal once1 twice1 again and yet again4 ,or this person may constantly recall it1 or cease altogether to recall it4 ,that man and woman are lovers who constantly keep before each other the ,ideal4 ,they wish to abide together1 because together they live their best lives1 do their best work1 are most kind to their fellow-man1 do no wrong1 can do no wrong4 ,this is commonly accepted today as the basis of marriage4 ,it is this ideal which is vaguely or definitely in the minds of thinking people when they wish to marry4 ,the poet ,dante had a wonderful1 complete ideal4 ,he saw but twice the woman who reminded him of his ,perfect4 ,he wrote in poetry of his ,ideal and called ,her by this woman's name4 ,his wife1 the mother of his children1 was another woman4 ,many critics say that ,dante's love for ,beatrice was pure4 ,probably they say this1 because he asked nothing of her4 ,that he never knew ,beatrice was fortunate1 for the two people had very little in common4 ,dante was a poet and dreamer4 ,beatrice was a woman of the nobility without serious cares and responsibilities4 ,,the ,,natural ,,marriage ,cell seeks affinity with cell4--,reedy4 ,when young people meet on a natural basis our present civilization insists that it must necessarily be followed by a permanent1 life-long friendship or disgrace4 ,the cosmic urge causes a meeting which1 if followed by an enforced close relationship1 usually has incompatability as a sequence4 ,nature has one thing forever in mind4 ,civilization has not counted on this4 ,a youth and a maiden meet when passion is strong1 the will undisciplined and judgment undeveloped4 ,convention says there is but one thing to do when young people are thus strongly attracted to each other1 and that is to get the sanction of society 7church and state7 and make arrangements for a permanent intimacy4 ,the youth expects the perpetual beauty1 smile and charm of the ballroom1 reception or parlor4 ,the maiden expects protestation of love1 and her ideals and promises fulfilled4 ,each has firmly fixed in the mind an idea of something that has none or little of the real in it--an idea that is impossible4 ,yet in it there are hope and fond desire somewhere hinted4 ,the facts are that a struggle has just begun with some of the unpoetic realities of existence1 of which neither has ever before dreamed4 ,perhaps the wife must rise early1 prepare the breakfast1 keep the rooms in order4 ,this is work4 ,the husband goes to business4 ,business perplexes4 ,oh1 she is just like other women6 ,oh1 he is just a common man6 ,they complain4 ,the cosmic urge has nothing to do with any of this4 ,it has come--and gone1 perhaps4 ,there is left a social situation4 ,these two young people have had something in common1 and possibly only a transitory something4 ,how shall they live together when she loves what he hates1 and he has hopes1 ambitions1 desires that are nothing to her8 ,he has cheated me6 ,she has fooled me6 is their heart-cry4 ,the truth1 however1 is something like this3 ,we have been deceived4 ,nature said one thing to us1 and we confused with it something else and thought what society said was true4 ,we have been deceived4 ,there was nothing in the first attraction that made these two understand anything about hardships1 disagreeable duties1 discomforts1 weariness1 pain4 ,those who are anxious to uphold church authority are saying a good deal about the divorce evil4 ,they bring statistics to show that one out of every twelve marriages results in divorce4 ,they have not1 however1 secured any statistics as to whether the people in the other eleven marriages enjoy what our ,constitution affirms to be the rights of ,american citizens3 life1 liberty and the pursuit of happiness4 ,the ,church is talking about a cure for the divorce evil6 ,one bishop earnestly recommends the ,jewish anathematization1 ,let neither party ever be spoken to again4 ,but how would this remedy the social condition of the two8 ,this is punishment1 but not cure4 ,the cause of the trouble is not even looked for by the bishop4 ,is marriage a failure8 ,according to the divorce-courts it is4 ,the ,church concedes that one-twelfth of all marriages are failures4 ,,the ,,social ,,marriage ,i am not surprised that some make shipwreck1 but that any come to port4--,stevenson4 ,a social marriage is based on the idea of a high and lofty friendship1 an indissoluble partnership1 an intimacy of relationship unknown in any other phase of existence4 ,such a marriage was not intended by ,nature4 ,a new element is introduced when a social marriage occurs of which ,nature had no thought1 and we should reckon with this1 not without it4 ,this new element is the intellect4 ,nature does not recognize it in the cosmic urge4 ,so the meeting of man and woman on an intellectual plane1 on a basis of the sweetest friendship imaginable1 is the only condition by which ,nature can endure the social marriage tie--which so often binds1 imprisons1 and makes slaves4 ,even at this time man considers that he owns a woman2 that he has purchased her freedom1 her will1 her habits1 her aspirations1 her time1 her love1 her energies1 her future1 every activity of her life4 ,she is in very truth under a master4 ,and the woman1 as well1 usually considers this true4 ,the woman thinks1 because she is owned1 that there are certain rights connected with her husband which she also has4 ,in the majority of cases the wife realizes her inferior strength when might makes right1 and the husband is not trusted4 ,he must give an account of himself1 morning1 noon and night2 of his money1 his letters1 his attentions4 ,the woman has certain laws which she1 too1 tries to enforce4 ,he must support her1 with all that the term implies4 ,didn't he promise to do this on the wedding-day8 ,certainly1 yes6 ,so far as ,i know1 humanity is one in its nature1 and neither male nor female4 ,no woman naturally wants to be owned and possessed4 ,humanity rebels against tyranny2 and there is more discord1 more heartaches1 more wrangling1 more unhappiness among married people than among the unmarried4 ,were it possible for men and women when they marry to realize that they own nothing more in rights after marriage than they did before1 and would make no more demands upon each other1 marriage even with its present accepted meaning would not be a failure4 ,the import of marriage1 as it is understood today1 is on the basis of intellectual friendship1 a business partnership1 mutuality in all interests of life4 ,few people know this4 ,we have mixed methods4 ,nature makes no compulsory laws in this matter of living together4 ,society has done this4 ,the laws man makes1 man must enforce4 ,but what ,god hath joined together1 no man can put asunder4 ,what ,god hath not joined together1 man is not very successful in combining4 ,we have demonetized woman1 taking away from her the natural strength1 courage and independence that belong to the mother2 made of her a slave1 under which condition she does not thrive4 ,and neither does man thrive in being master1 for the chain that holds the one is fastened to the wrist of the other4 ,woman must make herself economically free1 find work that exercises her body and her mind1 and most of the cause of discord1 unrest and unhappiness will have disappeared4 ,,the ,,marriage ,,of ,,convenience ,its only end is the principle of existence4--,disraeli4 ,people who marry without ideals entering in as part of the contract have few disappointments or troubles4 ,if the woman expects the man simply to provide shelter1 food1 raiment1 and the man expects a good cook1 housekeeper and valet1 and each fulfils his part of the expectation1 there are few other demands4 ,tenderness1 kindness1 attentions are asked for very moderately1 and good service brings its own reward4 ,each understands the situation and has accepted this business arrangement with marriage4 ,so there is no disappointment1 no heartache4 ,they get out of their marriage all they had expected4 ,they are not guilty of experiment and folly4 ,they have their quota of commonsense--and use it4 ,their ideals are simple and easily attained4 ,,conclusion ,we two have climbed together1 ,maybe we shall go on yet1 side by side4--,schreiner4 ,lovers who marry think more of the ,ideal than of all else4 ,and if or when the ,ideal ceases to remain in the presence of the husband or the wife1 then love is gone4 ,in its place sorrow sits4 99 99 99 99 99 ,whatever marriage may have been in the past1 it has now two distinct phases which should be definitely understood by all people4 ,i4 ,the business partnership4 ,,ii4 ,the spiritual relation4 ,,the ,,business ,,of ,,marriage ,you are dealing with something far more precious than any plant--the priceless soul of a child4--,burbank4 ,the civic recognition of marriage does not take direct cognizance of the ,ideal1 or love-phase1 of this unilateral contract1 although it assumes that love is the motive of the union4 ,the state takes it for granted that the purpose of this union is to perpetuate the race1 give to the state citizens4 ,the permanence of the marriage is supposed to be desirable1 because the physical support and welfare of wife and children rests with the husband1 unless he become insane1 sick or criminal4 ,then ,charity gives the pauperizing support of a tyrant4 ,desirable citizens are seldom evolved in ,institutions4 ,occasionally1 a mother is endowed with power to maintain her family alone2 but the instances are few4 ,in marriage the state obtains the promise of the contracting parties to love1 honor and cherish2 to love1 honor and obey1 through sickness1 through health1 until death4 ,however1 the state is able to enforce but one portion of the promise1 to cherish1 which1 being interpreted1 means that the husband must contribute a certain portion of his income to the woman1 provided she has not broken the letter of the law in one respect1 and has not deserted nor flagrantly quarreled with her husband4 ,if she has been acquiescent1 she is still to be cherished4 ,this alimony1 as such tax is sometimes termed1 is required whether the wife is mother or not1 or is engaged in educating citizens or not4 ,it may be exacted--the letter of the law--although the intent of the marriage may not have been fulfilled4 ,tacitly1 the state recognizes the desirability of love in marriage1 although it has no jurisdiction over it1 and can not enforce the keeping of this promise by husband or wife4 ,loving or not loving is not within the control of mortals4 ,it is admitted now by men and women that the laws of all countries of the world were made by men for men4 ,they do not discriminate against women so seriously and so unjustly as did ,moses1 but the civil laws give wife and mother no chance for independence4 ,until recently1 the promise to obey has been enforced2 also1 the wife's promise to be true to one man and none other4 ,so we have had the prayer which is international3 ,make our women virtuous and our men brave1 the meaning of brave being1 able to fight man and beast4 ,virtue has been interpreted as being a negation1 an indifference to all but husband4 ,nothing that can transpire in wedlock is considered not virtuous4 ,oh1 ,liberty6 ,liberty6 ,what crimes are committed in thy name6 ,woman has found submission easier than to assert and obtain the human right of independence in the control of her own mind and body4 ,it is a hard world for girls1 said ,martin ,luther1 five hundred years ago4 ,it is still a hard world for girls and women4 ,nature is said to love the female more than the male1 for she serves ,her more devotedly1 and ,nature has taken care that she shall4 ,,primitive ,,bondage ,woman pays the first cost on human life4--,schreiner4 ,when a woman feels the first grip of her child's dependence upon her1 she has forever lost her freedom4 ,if the child dies1 a grave shackles her soul through life4 ,if the child lives1 the welfare of that child keeps perpetually between her and the sun4 ,before her babe is born1 ,nature has absorbed the mother's strength and charm that ,her one purpose may be accomplished4 ,man finds it easy to neglect woman then4 ,in fact1 his honor1 pride1 fear and loyalty to a principle1 one or all1 are his safeguard and the mentor that holds him to duty when his wife is absorbed by motherhood4 ,nature demands all from the mother4 ,she takes possession and uses her so that the woman has no will for the time4 ,she is ,nature's1 body and soul1 ,used by an unseen ,power for an unknown end4 ,does a woman enter into this prison-house voluntarily8 ,never4 ,nature blindfolds and lures her into it4 ,before civilization developed a hectic super-sentiment in woman1 she lived as do the animals4 ,naturally1 motherhood was an incident in her life4 ,her children early became independent1 and she had a comfortable1 healthy indifference to their welfare after they were able to get a living4 ,all the time she was a mother she was economically free4 ,she had had the strength to take care of herself from childhood1 and when her child came1 she was able to care for both4 ,the father of her baby made no demands upon her for service as cook1 housekeeper1 laundress1 valet1 lover or friend4 ,he took care of himself wholly1 and so did she4 ,all they wanted was food and shelter4 ,but since man's needs are multiple1 the demands upon male and female are great4 ,,nature',s ,,method ,the more intimately we attach ourselves to ,nature1 the more she glows with beauty and returns us our affection4--,froebel4 ,nature does not seem to have expected man to get more than a primitive living4 ,she has not changed ,her methods at all4 ,man has changed4 ,he makes and directs machinery that earns for one man what fifty men can earn2 so that one man is fifty times richer than a primitive man4 ,nature uses no machinery4 ,it takes more than twenty years of the mother's time to develop one citizen4 ,there are no short cuts nor quick methods in woman's special work4 ,the mother of a large family has given twenty-five of the best years of her life to the work which none but her can do4 ,she has given to the state citizens4 ,this has cost her all her strength1 all her time and the ambitions of a quarter of a century4 ,as our present civilization is1 she has given her economic independence1 her individual ambitions4 ,she pays dearly for the privilege of being mother to citizens4 ,she is dependent upon one man for the maintenance of both herself and her children4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the man1 too1 is blindfolded by ,nature and is led where he knows not4 ,the desire to give all of his earnings to the development of citizens may never have been his4 ,he may not know nor care about the welfare and perpetuation of the state4 ,but ,nature has not bound him hand and foot to ,her plans4 ,when1 or if1 his affection ceases for this woman who is dependent upon him for food1 shelter and clothing1 he may use his own judgment about the woman's and the children's needs4 ,so long as they escape the attention of the ,humane ,societies1 the family is at his mercy4 ,the woman and her work are dependent upon him just the same4 ,unwilling money buys poor food1 clothing and teaching4 ,it has evolved bargain-days and cheap goods4 ,,economic ,,freedom ,she considereth a field and buyeth it4 ,with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard4--,solomon4 ,the wisdom of stateswomen and of statesmen should evolve a sure foundation-fund1 whereby mothers shall have a solid financial basis for doing woman's work4 ,civilization has placed a ban upon motherhood4 ,there is ever the stigma upon it which ,moses placed there4 ,it is hard1 cruelly hard1 to be a mother in the ,united ,states1 this land of the free4 ,we anathematize and practically kill a mother who has not conformed to our laws1 irrespective of what ,nature has said about it4 ,we take her child from her1 hide it1 falsify about it1 and then disown the mother if she demands the inherent rights of a mother4 ,we talk about the glory of motherhood1 but we do not act to the glory of motherhood4 ,the business of marriage is to develop citizens4 ,the financial part of this partnership should receive the most careful attention of all people who are to marry4 ,they should realize that they are assuming responsibilities great and unknown to them4 ,they are leaving a simple life to enter into one vastly more complex4 ,woman is fast evolving a brain4 ,and women are thinking4 ,brain1 not sentiment1 will be the directing power under which women live4 ,wisdom and judgment will guide them4 ,they will not give the best in their lives to the work of rearing children1 without reasonable1 business assurance of funds with which to do their work4 ,,citizens ,it is true that ,i am an alien4 ,but my son--my son is ,themistocles4--,euterpe4 ,a citizen is one who has evolved from a condition where he was content to live alone1 care for himself alone1 into a state where he desires to live with others1 and is interested in the welfare of others4 ,women were the first human beings to qualify as citizens4 ,their care for their children early extended their interest beyond their own welfare4 ,from protecting and providing for her immediate family1 the mother's interests naturally extended first to all children and then to all human beings who were in need of care4 ,women are potential mothers1 and so are inherent citizens4 ,women are citizens by natural tendency4 ,men are citizens by education4 ,the desire to co-operate is the natural desire of an evolving1 sane people4 ,supremely selfish people1 who care not at all for others1 are either barbaric or insane4 ,a city was the result of the citizen instinct4 ,the mother's brain was evolved through her desire to benefit her children4 ,she then saw that what was good for her own was good for her neighbor's family1 and for all families4 ,all manufactories1 all industries1 reforms and civic improvements have originated in woman's brain1 evolved because of the mother-instinct of love4 ,from the city1 human interest extended into the state1 from the state into the nation4 ,from the limitation of belonging to a nation1 we shall sometime become citizens of the world4 ,a stateswoman or statesman is one who is intelligently active in work that materially benefits the citizens of a state or nation4 ,the rights of citizenship naturally belong to all people who wish to and can contribute to the welfare of their fellow-man4 ,formerly statesmen were businessmen of experience and ability who had prescience4 ,they could see what was beneficial to their own interests1 and from this their interest expanded1 and they saw what was good for the well-being of many men4 ,they were men1 like ,benjamin ,franklin1 who were able to project themselves into the lives of others4 ,they were the first monists4 ,statesmen had had experience--they had lived4 ,they knew values1 what served and what was not desirable4 ,they also knew that no one reaches any goal alone4 ,no man can progress much faster than the rest of his kind4 ,so the statesman was a representative man1 but a pioneer in progress4 ,his avocation was to work for his kind4 ,his vocation was his own business1 which he minded very carefully4 ,appreciative people saw the benefit to others1 and gave the statesman the recognition of honors4 ,this was all he desired or needed4 ,he was not a pauper1 he was not submerged in financial difficulties4 ,the oppressed can not see beyond their own needs--are incapable of generous thoughts or wise judgment4 ,statesmen were and are strong1 successful men4 ,people want for a savior one who can first save himself4 ,there came a time when statesmen1 like lawyers1 received pay for services rendered4 ,and lo1 politicians and grafters1 plums and taxes6 ,today1 statesmen are few and are classed as politicians4 ,all political offices have a little twig of laurel tied to the door1 but the pay-envelope inside is generally what lures men to enter and abide4 ,the laborer is worthy of his hire1 they affirm4 ,and he is1 provided he labors for the thing for which he was hired4 ,the people are willing to pay politicians for piecework1 provided the quality is right4 ,when we say1 ,children are the greatest asset of the nation1 everybody nods assent to the sentiment1 and many applaud4 ,what we do with the children decides what they will do with the nation1 we add1 and there is never a dissenting look or voice4 ,we affirm that the greatest work the state can do is to develop citizens4 ,perpetuity of the state is synonymous with perpetuity of the race4 ,this is supposed to be ,nature's dearest desire--to perpetuate the race4 ,so it should be the dearest desire of statesmen1 politicians1 to perpetuate the state1 and the state is the aggregation of its citizens4 ,we are in a dense fog with regard to the value of citizens4 ,we say that man is all4 ,this is lip-service4 ,politicians are interested in acquiring and holding power1 in war appliances and armies4 ,they give some assistance in the development and care of vegetables1 fruits1 trees1 and the flora in general4 ,they are also interested in the development of all domesticated animals1 the preservation of the birds1 forests and natural parks1 the protection of the fish4 ,they have game-laws which are wise and whose results are beneficial4 ,and the state hires and pays people to take care of all these interests4 ,it also hires and pays people who see that the laws are respected which have been made for the protection and perpetuity of flora and fauna4 ,but as yet1 lawmakers1 politicians1 reformers1 and influential citizens have not made provision for the development of citizens1 except as the institution of the school system assists in this work4 ,,enforced ,,dependence ,thou givest man bread4 ,let my aim be to give man himself4--,froebel4 ,there was a time when women1 like statesmen1 were economically free4 ,they spun and wove1 manufactured1 planted1 harvested1 cooked4 ,land was cheap and needs were few4 ,the women gave a part of their time to the state in rearing citizens1 but they did not give all4 ,they were self-supporting1 in great measure2 therefore1 self-respecting and capable4 ,but women lost their economic independence when industries were taken from the home4 ,farming1 dairying1 spinning1 weaving1 tailoring1 laundering1 baking1 dressmaking1 millinery1 building1 carpentering1 are all done on a big scale1 outside of the home1 where the women1 because they were mothers1 could not follow their industries4 ,women are left with the dependent occupations of working for the state and working for their husbands1 for neither of which can they collect money4 ,husbands' policy is3 ,where the treasury is1 there will the wives' hearts be also4 ,the welfare of the women who give their time--twenty-four hours of the day1 and for twenty-five or thirty years of their lives1 their prime--for the development of citizens has been left to chance4 ,the state has made no provision whereby potential citizens shall be assured of the proper care4 ,the mother's time has been considered of no value1 that is1 her service is not paid for in money4 ,if1 in her youth1 a woman married a man who was able to make money1 she might be assured of food1 clothing and shelter for her children unless or until ,fortune frowned and the property was lost4 ,any woman1 whose husband dies1 gives her time to the care of her children1 no matter how poorly equipped she may be to earn a living for them in the world4 ,she tries to do her own work1 and besides that1 what her husband did--maintain the family4 ,the state has made no provision for the care of potential citizens whose father has died1 thereby cutting off the income which was once theirs4 ,we say that the purpose of the home is to develop children1 that the home is established for children4 ,the purpose of the school is to supplement the teaching of the home1 and this is to be re-enforced by the influence of the church4 ,the office of the state is to wisely protect the home and safeguard the interests of its citizens4 ,the government is the mentor of the citizens4 ,the theory is admitted that the business world is organized and operated for the one purpose of maintaining the home and its adjuncts--school1 church and government4 ,but the fact is1 that1 except for the taxes which great business institutions pay1 there are very few children taken care of directly by big businesses4 ,the very rich have one1 possibly two1 rarely three children1 and these1 instead of being developed for working citizens1 often evolve into ornaments1 and sometimes become a nuisance and an expense to the state4 ,the mothers who give their time to the care of large families have no regular incomes4 ,their husbands are poor1 and contribute to the development of citizens what they can1 or will4 ,the people who are doing the most important work for the state1 for whom all business is operated 7as tradition sayeth71 have no capital1 and are carrying on their more or less great work by donations1 given at the discretion of the donor4 ,they can not receive more than their husband's income1 and never have that amount4 ,no matter how efficient these women may be as mothers1 there is no recognition of this excellence1 except by a few friends of the family4 ,nothing has been done to make a large family popular4 ,the trend of the whole course of civilization has been and is to do anything but evolve citizens4 ,of course1 women are supposed to be too spiritually minded to want compensation in money for work done for love4 ,however1 is any great work done that is not done for love of the work8 ,no one writes1 paints1 plays1 builds1 prints1 binds books1 models in leather or clay1 raises cattle1 fruits1 grains1 but him who loves his work4 ,there is little response in any part of life1 other than to love4 ,all workers accept the world's custom of using money as a medium of exchange for their time and energy--all except mothers and wives4 ,so much service is given for so much money1 and so much money for so much service4 ,women are human beings1 no more and no less than are men4 ,they are just as human as men4 ,they love freedom1 independence and justice4 ,there is no natural reason why they should not have public recognition for work and development4 ,the custom of the world is to use money as a medium of exchange or as a representation of wealth4 ,wealth is an accumulation of energy held in reserve4 ,people should be very careful to use this reserve advantageously4 ,they are very jealous of expending time and energy unless it counts in wealth4 ,all people but mothers do this4 ,this is why motherhood has become unpopular and a burden4 ,the mother is in economics a pauper1 a dependent1 at the mercy or bounty of one man4 ,the first use of a home was to care for children1 to protect them4 ,women built the first houses and for this one purpose4 ,modern houses are made for adults more than for children4 ,they are places of luxury4 ,the thought of a nursery is seldom in the minds of the makers of houses4 ,the architect does not have for his recurring theme1 ,how will this add to the development of citizens8 ,women are human beings4 ,they are very much like men4 ,they need recognition4 ,self-preservation is the first law4 ,and women1 like men1 are selfish4 ,they often stifle the instincts of ,nature in one direction that they may live in the world as it is today4 ,rapid travel1 the opportunity to see and know what there is to be seen and known1 lures women just the same as it does men4 ,independence is just as dear to women as it is to men4 ,,homogeneity ,what we request of life is that the tools should be given to his hand or hers who can handle them4--,schreiner4 ,woman is a human being before she is a mother and all the time she is a mother4 ,and after her active work of motherhood is finished1 she will still be a human being1 subject to all the ambitions1 hopes1 desires and interests that humanity has4 ,daughters have inherited tendencies from their fathers as well as from their mothers1 and all daughters have done this from prehistoric times to the present4 ,sons have belonged to mothers as well as to fathers4 ,the race is one4 ,women can not be limited in the expression of this great miracle of life which stirs her soul1 as it stirs man's4 ,woman and man are awakening1 brain and heart4 ,woman must have freedom to work1 to think1 to find happiness1 to express herself4 ,she must be accepted as a part of every part of this becoming ,democracy4 ,she must be accepted in the world as it is today4 ,she belongs1 not to the past1 but to this present4 ,there is work that she alone can do1 and to do this she must be economically free4 ,the freedom of woman is the most important of all subjects that statesmen and citizens can consider4 ,pay mothers for the work they do for the state4 ,give them the opportunity for economic freedom1 that they may be self-respecting1 and develop on equal terms with men4 ,the great need of the world is for better women and men--an evolving race4 ,there is just one way3 we must have evolving mothers4 ,servile mothers have slave sons and stupid daughters1 and sometimes criminal children4 ,women must be free to choose their occupations4 ,if they marry1 they must recognize the business in marriage and enter into the business partnership with true intelligence4 ,with no less intelligence must men understand that the contract in marriage can not be unilateral and bring benefit or happiness to either person1 nor can the purpose of marriage be best accomplished4 ,democracy in marriage is the ,great ,imperative4 ,we would have a democratic form of government8 ,democracy must begin at the foundation of all government--the home4 ,,romance ,we are ministered unto by the moonbeams and the starlight as well as by the god of day4 ,romance is the color and the perfume of life4 ,it is that which gives charm to living4 ,romance lures us to live4 ,it called us into being1 has bound us to life1 and does not desert us at its close4 ,although ,romance is the most intangible thing in the world1 the moonshine of living1 it is the most real4 ,it is the will-o'-the-wisp that has led to all invasions1 all discoveries1 all victories1 all heroism1 all inventions1 all arts1 all business1 all human endeavor4 ,without it there would be no marriage4 ,the human race would cease to be4 ,one of the myths in marriage is to assume that the ,romance is all1 or will continue under all conditions4 ,business belongs to the realm of fact and deals with tangible substances4 ,it has to do with the practical part of life4 ,it gives us food1 clothing1 shelter4 ,it furnishes us great problems1 exercise for body and mind4 ,it is a great factor in the evolution of man4 ,one of the myths in marriage is to assume that business and business struggles do not enter into the lives of lovers4 ,the fact is that business occupies much of the time of every honest man and honest woman4 ,it is necessary to life4 ,without work1 romance would cease1 the human race would die4 ,the ideal and the real are interdependent in all phases of human life4 ,in marriage there is a myth that the twain are one flesh4 ,but the two are two1 just as surely as one and one make two1 unless neither is worth counting4 ,it might not be such folly for a woman to trust her happiness to a man1 if any man could make any woman happy4 ,but happiness is within the power of the individual alone4 ,nature intended it to be so4 ,if a woman were an incompetent1 unable to earn or provide for herself1 it might be well to leave her finances wholly in the hands of her husband4 ,but women who have the right to give children to society are capable of taking care of themselves and financing their personal interests4 ,mothers should be thus capable4 ,in marriage we must recognize the individuality in the partnership1 just as we must the romance and the facts4 ,a helpless1 dependent1 undeveloped1 sentimental woman is not an inspirer of ideals4 ,the man absorbed and involved in business is not an awakener or reminder of the ,perfect4 ,a little time is necessary for the appreciation of the beautiful1 the charming1 the wonderful in life4 ,leisure to think together and work together on things of mutual interest1 is necessary to marriage1 or there can be little love4 ,when lovers are independently dependent upon each other1 it is a wonderful privilege to meet4 ,when lovers are economically free1 as they were before marriage1 there is no asking of favors nor demanding rights4 ,when lovers are grateful for the privilege of being together1 and meet only when it is a joy to do so1 love will abide4 ,and ,romance1 that lured them to life1 and lighted their path to marriage1 will ever illumine the way1 even unto death4 ,if a woman's desire is to seek ease and luxury1 and find oblivion1 let her not marry1 for that is not the easiest way thither4 ,a woman has neither natural nor moral right to involve others in her selfishness4 ,if a man wants adoration1 comfort1 indulgence1 cheap service and ease1 let him not marry4 ,he probably can get them all with more certainty and with less expense without marrying4 ,a man has neither natural nor moral right to marry for these4 ,men and women have not evolved far4 ,it doth not yet appear what we shall be4 ,higher ideals will lure humanity on and on to a higher state of intelligence1 and to better living1 to a more refined and nobler justice than we have yet imagined4 ,men and women will not long be looking for ease1 nor want to have what they do not earn4 ,when love calls1 they will respond with intelligence1 knowing that this is ,nature's voice1 and therefore divine4 ,they will rejoice in the most strenuous exercise of living4 ,then with deep joy we can say at the close3 ,to live is glorious4 ,i have lived6 ,,the ,,myth ,,in ,,marriage ,,written ,,by ,,alice ,,hubbard ,,title-,,page1 ,,initials ,,and ,,ornaments ,,especially ,,designed ,,for ,,this ,,book ,,by ,,raymond ,,nott ,,typography ,,by ,a4 ,v4 ,,ingham ,illustration ,,printed ,,by ,,the ,,roycrofters ,,at ,,the ,,roycroft ,,shops ,,east ,,aurora1 ,,new ,,york ,,may1 ,,mcmxii