,,the    ,,gentleman ,,and ,,lady',s    
,,book ,,of ,,politeness    ,,and       
,,propriety ,,of ,,deportment1          
,,dedicated ,,to ,,the    ,,youth ,,of  
,,both ,,sexes4      ,,by ,mme4         
,,celnart4        ,,translated ,,from   
,,the ,,sixth ,,paris ,,edition1        
,,enlarged ,,and ,,improved4            
,,boston4    ,,allen ,,and ,,ticknor1   
,,and    ,,carter1 ,,hendee  ,,co       
#ahcc4          ,entered according to   
,act of ,congress1 the year #ahcc1 by   
,allen and  ,ticknor1 in the ,clerk's   
office of the ,district ,court of the   
,district  of ,massachusetts4           
,,boston3 ,kane and ,co4 #abg           
,washington ,street4          ,,preface4
      ,the present work has had an      
extensive circulation in ,france1 the   
country  which we are accustomed to     
consider as the genial soil of          
politeness2  and the publishers have    
thought it would be rendering a useful  
service  on this side of the ,atlantic  
to issue a translation of it4    ,some  

foreign visitors in our country1 whose  
own manners have not always  given them 
a right to be censors of others1 have   
very freely told us  what we ought not  
to do2 and it will be useful to know    
from  respectable authority1 what is    
done in polished society in ,europe1    
and1  of course1 what we ought to do1 in
 order to avoid all just censure4  ,this
 object1 we are confident1 will be more 
effectually accomplished by  the study  
of the principles and rules contained in
 the present volume1  than by any other 
of the kind4    ,by persons who are     
deemed competent judges in such a case1 
this little  work has been pronounced to
 be one of the most useful and practical
  works extant upon the numerous and    
delicate topics which are discussed  in 
it4 ,we are aware1 that a man can no    
more acquire the ease and  elegance of a
 finished gentleman1 by any manual of   
this kind1 than in  the fine arts he    
could become a skilful painter or       
sculptor by studying  books alone1      

without practice4 ,it is1 however1      
equally true1 that the  principles of   
,politeness may be studied1 as well as  
the principles of  the arts4 ,at the    
same time1 intercourse with polite      
society1 in other  words1 practice1 as  
in the case of the arts1 must do the    
rest4    ,the reader will find in this  
volume some rules founded on customs and
  usages peculiar to ,france and other  
countries1 where the ,roman ,catholic   
religion is established4 ,but it was    
thought better to retain them in the    
work1 than to mutilate it1 by making    
such material alterations as would  have
 been occasioned by expunging every     
thing of that description4 ,in  our     
liberal and tolerant country1 these     
peculiarities will give offence  to     
none2 while to many1 their novelty1 at  
least1 will be interesting4        ,the 
,translator4    ,boston1 ,may #f1 #ahcc4
          ,,contents4        ,,part ,i4 
,page4    ,introduction4      ,of       
,propriety of ,deportment1 and its      

,advantages                xiii         
,,chapter ,i4      ,of ,propriety of    
,conduct in ,relation to ,religious     
,duties          #a      ,sect4 #a4 ,of 
respectful ,deportment at ,church       
ibid4          #b4 ,of religious        
,propriety in our ,intercourse with     
the ,world                              
#f        ,,chapter ,,ii4      ,of      
,propriety of ,conduct in ,relation to  
,domestic ,duties           #i          
,,chapter ,,iii4      ,of ,propriety of 
,conduct in ,conjugal and ,domestic     
,relations      #ab        ,,chapter    
,,iv4      ,of ,propriety as regards    
one's self                              
#ai      ,sect4 #a4 ,of the ,toilet     
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,reputation      
#bg        ,,chapter ,v4      ,of       
,propriety in regard to one's ,business 
or ,profession          #cb      ,sect4 
#a4 ,politeness of ,shopkeepers and     
,customers              ibid4           
#b4 ,politeness between ,persons in     
,office and the ,public    #ch          

#c4 ,politeness of ,lawyers and their   
,clients                #ci          #d4
 ,politeness of ,physicians and their   
,patients            #dj          #e4   
,politeness of ,artists and ,authors1   
and the deference                 due to
 them                                   
#db          #f4 ,politeness of         
,military ,men                          
#df          #g4 ,politeness of         
,ecclesiastics and ,females of          
,religious                ,orders2 and  
the deference due to them               
#dh        ,,part ,,ii4      ,,of       
,,propriety ,,of ,,deportment ,,in      
,,regard ,,to ,,our ,,social            
,,relations4        ,,chapter ,i4       
,of ,deportment in the ,street          
#ej        ,,chapter ,,ii4      ,of     
different kinds of ,visits              
#ei        ,,chapter ,,iii4      ,of the
 ,manner of receiving ,visitors         
#ge        ,,chapter ,,iv4      ,of the 
,carriage of the ,body                  
#hb        ,,chapter ,v4      ,of       

,physical ,proprieties in ,conversation 
#hh      ,sect4 #a4 ,physical           
,observances in ,conversation           
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,gestures        
#ij          #c4 ,of the ,talent of     
listening to others                     
#ib          #d4 ,of ,pronunciation     
#ig          #e4 ,of ,correctness in    
,speaking                               
#ajj        ,,chapter ,,vi4      ,of the
 ,moral ,observances in ,conversation   
#ajd      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,formal and    
,vulgar ,usages                         
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,questions and   
frequently recurring ,expressions       
#aaj          #c4 ,of ,narrations1      
,analysis1 and ,digressions             
#aaa          #d4 ,of ,suppositions and 
,comparisons                       #aah 
#e4 ,of ,discussions and ,quotations    
#aai          #f4 ,of ,pleasantry1      
,proverbs1 ,puns1 and ,bon ,mots        
#aba          #g4 ,of ,eulogiums1       
,complainings1 ,improprieties in        
general1                 and ,prejudices

                                    #abe
        ,,chapter ,,vii4      ,of       
,epistolary ,composition                
#acj      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,propriety in  
,letter ,writing                        
ibid4          #b4 ,of the ,interior and
 ,exterior ,form of ,letters            
#acf        ,,chapter ,,viii4           
,additional ,rules in respect to the    
,social ,relations            #adf      
,sect4 #a4 ,of an obliging ,deportment  
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,presents        
#aea          #c4 ,of ,advice           
#aed          #d4 ,of ,discretion       
#aee        ,,chapter ,,ix4      ,of    
,travelling                             
#aei        ,,part ,,iii4      ,,of     
,,propriety ,,in ,,relation ,,to        
,,pleasures4        ,,chapter ,i4       
,of ,entertainments4                    
#afc        ,,chapter ,,ii4      ,of    
,promenades1 ,parties1 and ,amusements  
#aga      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,promenades    
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,parties and     
,amusements                             

#age          #c4 ,little ,sports and   
,games of ,society                      
#ahj        ,,chapter ,,iii4      ,of   
,balls1 ,concerts1 and ,public ,shows   
#ahb      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,balls         
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,concerts        
#ahh          #c4 ,of ,public ,shows and
 ,spectacles                        #ahi
        ,,chapter ,,iv4      ,of the    
,duties of ,hospitality                 
#aic        ,,part ,,iv4      ,,of      
,,propriety ,,as ,,regards ,,other      
,,circumstances4        ,,chapter ,i4   
,of ,marriage and ,baptism              
#aif      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,marriage      
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,baptism         
#bjb        ,,chapter ,,ii4      ,of    
,duties toward the ,unfortunate         
#bje      ,sect4 #a4 ,of ,duties toward 
the ,sick1 ,infirm1 and ,unfortunate    
ibid4          #b4 ,of ,funerals and    
,mourning                               
#bjh          ,,part ,i4                
,,introduction4    ,of ,propriety of    
,deportment1 and its ,advantages4       

,propriety of deportment1 or biensance1 
is a happy union of the moral  and the  
graceful2 it should be considered in two
 points of view1 and  ought therefore to
 direct us in our important duties1 as  
well as our  more trifling enjoyments4  
,when we regard it only under this last 
aspect1  some contend that mere         
intercourse with the world gives a habit
 and  taste for those modest and        
obliging observances which constitute   
true  politeness2 but this is an error4 
,propriety of deportment1 is the        
valuable result of a knowledge of       
one's-self1 and of respect for the      
rights of others2 it is a feeling of the
 sacrifices which are imposed on        
self-esteem by our social relations2 it 
is1 in short1 a sacred  requirement of  
harmony and affection4 ,but the usage of
 the world is  merely the gloss1 or     
rather the imitation of propriety3 since
 instead of  being like that1 based upon
 sincerity1 modesty and courtesy1 it    
consists1 in not being constant in      

anything1 and in amusing itself by      
playing off its feelings and ridicule1  
against the defects and  excellences of 
others1 provided that this is done with 
grace1 and is  never carried so far as  
to wound the self-esteem of any one4    
,thanks to  custom1 it is sufficient in 
order to be recognised as amiable1 that 
he  who is the subject of a malicious   
pleasantry may laugh as well as the     
author of it4 ,the usage of the world is
 therefore often nothing more  than a   
skilful calculation of vanity1 a futile 
game1 a superficial  observance of form1
 a false politeness which would lead to 
frivolity or  perfidy1 did not true     
politeness animate it with delicacy1    
reserve and  benevolence4 ,would that   
custom had never been separated from    
this  virtuous amiableness6 ,we should  
then never see well-intentioned and good
  people suspicious of politeness2 and  
when victims to the deceitful1  justly  
exclaim with bitterness1 ,this is your  
man of politeness2 nor  should we ever  

have made a distinction between the     
fixed principles of  virtue1 and what is
 fit and expedient4 ,the love of good1  
in a word1  virtue1 is then the soul of 
politeness2 the feeling of a just       
harmony  between our interest and our   
social relations1 is also indispensable 
to  this agreeable quality4 ,excessive  
gaiety1 extravagant joy1 great          
depression1 anger1 love1 jealousy1      
avarice1 and generally all the          
passions1 are too often dangerous shoals
 to propriety of deportment4            
,moderation in everything is so         
essential1 that it is even a violation  
of propriety itself to affect too much  
the observance of it4    ,it is to      
propriety1 its justice and attractions1 
that we owe all the  charm1 ,i might    
almost say1 the being able to live in   
society4 ,at once  the effect and cause 
of civilization1 it avails itself of the
 grand  spring of the human mind1       
self-love1 in order to purify and       
ennoble it2  to substitute for pride and

 all those egotistical or offensive     
feelings  which it generates1           
benevolence1 with all the amiable and   
generous  sentiments1 which it inspires4
 ,in an assembly of truly polite people1
  all evil seems to be unknown2 what is 
just1 estimable1 and good1 or what  we  
call fit or suitable1 is felt on all    
sides2 and actions1 manners and         
language alike indicate it4 ,now if we  
place in this select assembly1 a  person
 who is a stranger to the advantages of 
a polite education1 he  will at once be 
made sensible of the value of it1 and   
will immediately  desire to display the 
same urbanity by which he has himself   
been  pleased4    ,if politeness is     
necessary in general1 it is not less so 
in particular  cases4 ,neither rank1    
talents1 fortune1 nor beauty1 can       
dispense with  this amenity of manners2 
nor can any thing inspire regard or     
love1  without that graceful affability1
 that mild dignity1 that elegant        
simplicity1 which make the name of      

,frenchman synonymous with  amiable1 and
 make ,paris dear1 to whatever has      
understanding and  taste4 ,if all the   
world feels the truth of the verse which
 is now a  proverb1        ,cette grce  
plus belle encors que la beaut1#a       
every one also is sensible1 that grace  
in conferring a favor1 affects us  more 
than the favor itself1 and that a kind  
smile1 and an affectionate  tone1       
penetrate the heart more deeply than the
 most brilliant elocution4    ,as to the
 technical part of politeness1 or forms 
alone1 the intercourse  of society1 and 
good advice1 are undoubtedly useful2 but
 the grand  secret of never failing in  
propriety of deportment1 is to have an  
intention of always doing what is right4
 ,with such a disposition of  mind1     
exactness in observing what is proper1  
appears to all to possess a  charm and  
influence2 and then not only do mistakes
 become excusable1 but  they become even
 interesting from their thoughtlessness 
and navet4  ,after the manner of ,st4   

,augustine1 who used to say1 ,love ,god1
 and then  do what you wish1 we would   
say to those1 just making their dbut in 
society1 ,be modest1 benevolent1 and do 
not distress yourself on account  of the
 mistakes of your inexperience2 a little
 attention1 and the  advice of a friend1
 will soon correct these trifling       
errors4 ,such a  friend1 ,i wish to be  
to you4 ,in undertaking to revise1 and  
almost  entirely remodel1 the ,manual of
 ,good ,society1 ,i have wished and have
  engaged to be useful to you4 ,a more  
methodical arrangement of the work1     
more precise and varied details1 in     
short1 important applications to all    
conditions and circumstances of life1 ,i
 venture to believe1 will make  this    
treatise worthy of its design4        #a
 ,that grace1 which is more beautiful   
than beauty itself4--,t4                
,,chapter ,i4    ,of propriety of       
conduct in relation to religious duties4
      ,we have said1 that propriety     
ought to preside over the sublimest     

instructions of morality1 as it also    
regulates the gayest movements of       
pleasure4 ,we proceed first1 therefore1 
to consider religious deportment4       
,,section ,i4    ,of respectful         
deportment at ,church4    ,religious    
sentiment is the great1 perhaps the only
 difference which we  find between man  
and other animals4 ,however it may      
absorb you by its  depth1 exalt you with
 delight1 or withdraw from you in       
misfortune1 this  mysterious and sublime
 sentiment ought always to command your 
respect4  ,therefore1 without objecting 
to particular differences of worship1   
never  enter a church without submitting
 to the requirements of religion4#b     
,observe silence1 or at least speak     
seldom1 and in a low voice2 uncover     
yourself2 advance with a slow and grave 
step2 stop1 at the same time  making an 
inclination of your body1 if any        
ceremony engages the  assembly4 ,whether
 the church be ,jewish1 ,catholic1 or   
,protestant1  recollect1 that in this   

place men honor the ,creator of the     
,universe2  that here they seek         
consolation in their troubles1 and      
pardon of their  sins4    ,if you visit 
a church or any similar edifice1 from   
curiosity1 endeavor  to do it out of the
 time of service4 ,contemplate silently 
the pictures1  monuments1 c42 beware of 
imitating those vandals1 who deface with
 their  obscure and ephemeral names     
those monuments which are destined to   
endure  for ages4 ,do not like them     
forget1 that the only thing which you   
can  expect is a smile of contempt from 
all enlightened friends of the arts4    
,do not wait till the keepers remind you
 of the remuneration due to their       
kindness in conducting you2 offering it 
to them with your thanks on  taking     
leave2 and in order to this1 be always  
provided with small  change4 ,the       
respect due to the place requires us to 
abstain from  everything which resembles
 the cares of business4    ,i have thus 
far spoken only the language of         

toleration1 and of religious  worship in
 general1 but ,i am now going to use    
that of faith and  devotion4 ,let the   
neatness and modesty of your apparel1   
and your  discreet and respectful       
deportment1 show that you perceive what 
is due  to the house of ,god4 ,incline  
your body on entering2 take the holy    
water2#c then advance by the shortest   
way1 and without precipitation1  to the 
place which you are to occupy2 if       
possible1 do not change it2  neither put
 yourself in the passage1 nor carry the 
chairs to a distance2  take two         
together1 to avoid turning your seat as 
circumstances may  require in the course
 of the ceremony4#d    ,if the services 
have commenced1 place yourself in the   
rear1 in order not  to disturb those    
present by your coming4 ,the same motive
 ought to  prevent your going away      
before the end1 except from pressing    
necessity4    ,if you are accompanied by
 a lady to whom you owe deference1      
advance and  present to her the holy    

water2 prepare two chairs for her1 and  
place  yourself near4 ,in leaving       
church1 clear the passage for her2 carry
 her  prayer-book1 present her again    
with the holy water1 and hold the door  
open to let her pass4 ,indeed1 these two
 last marks of politeness should  be    
shown indiscriminately by well-bred     
people to any who happen to be  near    
them1 in entering or leaving the church4
 ,kind regards towards our  neighbors   
are a worthy accompaniment of devotion4 
,if on a crowded occasion you have two  
chairs1 it is well to offer one of  them
 to those who have none2 a man ought    
even to give up his own to a  lady who  
might be standing4 ,every one knows that
 it is contrary to the  sanctity of the 
place1 to walk in a church as upon a    
public promenade2  to convene there as  
in a private house2 to cast on one side 
and the  other looks of curiosity2 to   
have a mien which displays uneasiness or
  weariness2 to balance yourself upon   
the seat1 or shake in an annoying       

manner that of the person before you2 to
 carry with you dogs1 packets1  c4      
,during the sermon1 it is necessary to  
endeavor to make no noise1 and to  bow  
with profound respect every time the    
preacher pronounces the sacred  name of 
,jesus ,christ4#e    ,whether you give  
or withhold an offering to the          
mendicants of either  sex1 they should  
be answered by a kind salutation4    ,it
 is entirely contrary to religious      
propriety to press forward1 in  going to
 the altar2 you ought to wait in silence
 your turn1 without  trying to supplant 
those before you2 however1 should you   
have any urgent  motives1 you can make  
them known with mildness and politeness4
 ,disputes  which arise with regard to  
this1 are at the same time an absurdity 
and  impiety4    ,when you take a place 
at the holy table1 you should lay aside 
gloves1  book1 cane1 c4 ,it is well for 
ladies to cover themselves with a veil  
half drawn2 it is a mark of reverence as
 well as modesty4        #b ,the        

directions which here follow1 are       
obviously intended for        those who 
profess the ,catholic religion2 but most
 of them are        also applicable to  
other denominations of ,christians4--,t4
      #c ,this refers to the usage in   
,catholic churches1 in which the        
consecrated or holy water is kept in a  
vase1 appropriated to        the        
purpose1 near the entrance and in other 
parts of the        church4--,t4      #d
 ,these directions are more particularly
 applicable to ,catholic        churches
 in foreign countries1 where it is not  
the general        custom1 as in the    
,united ,states1 to have pews4 ,the     
whole floor        is an open area1 and 
supplied with chairs2 each person1      
during        service takes two1 one of 
which he sits in1 and places the        
other before him to kneel upon4 ,this   
custom of using chairs1        however1 
is not universal even in ,europe2 and   
the author        observes1 in a note1  
that it were to be wished that in all   

parts of ,france they would adopt the   
custom observed at ,havre1              
,dieppe1 and other cities of ,normandy1 
where1 instead of having        chairs1 
the churches are furnished throughout   
with fixed seats        or benches1 by  
which means the service is conducted    
with much        more order and         
decorum4--,t4      #e ,this latter      
direction is more particularly          
applicable to        ,catholic          
usage4--,t4      ,,section ,,ii4    ,of 
religious propriety in our intercourse  
with the world4    ,if it is a          
fundamental principle of propriety of   
conduct not to wound  any one in his    
self-esteem1 his tastes1 or interests1  
much more is it  necessary to respect   
his religious opinions4 ,to make sport  
of faith1  that powerful1 deep and      
involuntary sentiment1 before which the 
law  yields2 to deliver to the pain of  
doubting1 hearts just become pious and  
tranquil2 to awaken a spirit of         
fanaticism and religious excesses2 to   

cause one's self to be considered by    
some as an imprudent1 by others an      
unworthy person1 and by all as an enemy 
to politeness and  tolerance1--are the  
sad results of raillery against         
religious  observances1 raillery1 too1  
almost always dictated by a desire of   
showing off one's wit4    ,these results
 take place without any exception2      
impious sarcasms in  serious people     
constantly do injury2 but they become   
still more  revolting in the mouths of  
females1 who1 like angels1 ought ever to
 show  themselves lovely1 pure1 and free
 from passion2 whom ,bernardin ,saint   
,pierre designates with much feeling and
 justice the pious sex4    ,we ought not
 however to proscribe entirely delicate 
and happy allusions1  or comparisons    
drawn from the sacred books1 and made in
 a proper spirit4  ,it is useless1 ,i   
think1 to adduce instances2 suffice it  
to add1 that  rigor alone can reprove   
them1 and that the occasion sometimes   
renders  them very seasonable4    ,as to

 religious discussions1 they above all  
demand the most reserve and  care1 since
 without our knowledge conscience       
frequently becomes in them  auxiliary to
 pride4 ,if then you are unable to      
command yourself2 if you  do not feel   
enough of logical power1 enough of      
grace1 or at least of  exactness of     
elocution1 to contend with success1     
avoid controversies2  avoid them through
 fear of committing1 in the eyes of weak
 people1 that  religion which you       
defend1 and of exposing yourself to     
lasting ridicule4  ,but1 whatever be the
 skill which you exhibit in eluding the 
arguments of  your adversary1 whatever  
be your triumph1 and although your      
disposition  should urge you1 never turn
 a serious discussion into jest2 from   
that  moment you would lose all your    
advantages1 and1 although overthrown1   
your antagonist will recover himself    
with this just reflection1 that         
'nothing is proved by a jest4'          
,finally1 while you manifest on every   

occasion a sincere and profound  respect
 for religion1 beware above all things  
of making a proclamation  of your piety4
 ,avoid talking with those in your      
parish1 about your  confessor1 and your 
religious observances4 ,if you do not   
distinguish  yourself from the crowd1   
they will take you for a hypocrite1 or a
 person  of small mind4 ,if you         
recommend yourself1 on the contrary1 by 
superior  merit1 they will think that   
you take pleasure in showing the        
contrast  which exists between your     
exalted talents and your humble faith4  
,between  ourselves1 would they be in   
the wrong8          ,,chapter ,,ii4     
,of propriety of conduct in relation to 
domestic duties4      ,since we admit   
that there are duties of propriety      
relative to piety1  there are also      
duties relative to filial piety1 that   
other worship1 that  familiar veneration
 of the ,deity1 whom our parents        
represent on earth4  ,the most sublime1 
the most touching marks of religion and 

of nature  unite in commanding us to    
love and honor those from whom we have  
received life4 ,we shall not offend our 
readers by supposing it requisite  to   
insist upon the necessity of fulfilling 
a duty which is felt by all  correct    
minds and all good hearts4    ,the      
custom has prevailed of addressing the  
father and mother in the  second        
person4#f ,this mark of great           
confidence1 and affectionate  freedom1  
ought never to degenerate into an       
offensive familiarity4 ,we  ought always
 to address them in a respectful and    
kind tone2 to  anticipate them in every 
thing2 to ask their advice2 to receive  
their  reproofs with submission2 to be  
silent with regard to the errors they   
may commit2 to show them a lively       
gratitude on every occasion2 in short1  
whatever advantage you have over them1  
be careful to conceal it1 and  consider 
them always your superiors1 your        
benefactors and your guides4    ,besides
 the daily marks of deference which we  

should show to our  parents1 there are  
other particular attentions for which   
our affection  should seek every        
occasion4 ,at certain periods1 such as  
the new year1  the birth day or day of  
baptism1 we should offer them tender    
congratulations1 or ingeniously devised 
presents4 ,we are not allowed to        
dispense with these delicate attentions4
 ,if you have success in the  sciences  
or arts1 make appropriate presents to   
those from whom you have  derived the   
benefits of your education4    ,if you  
are separated from your father and      
mother1 write to them  frequently2 let  
your style be impressed with a devoted  
affection2 repeat  more particularly at 
the end of your letters the sentiments  
of respect  and of love with which you  
should be inspired4    ,as to what your 
uncles1 aunts1 brothers1 sisters1 and   
cousins require of  you1 you will know  
what are the duties of propriety in that
 respect1 if  you feel how dear family  
ties are2 you will show towards some a  

respectful1 and towards the others a    
friendly politeness4 ,they should  claim
 on every occasion your first visits and
 your first attentions2 you  should     
identify yourself with them in all their
 prosperity or adversity2  invite them  
above all others to ftes and meetings at
 your house1 unless  when you assemble a
 party on a special occasion1 at which  
they would be  entire strangers4 ,you   
should always take care to invite your  
relations  by themselves from time to   
time1 to prove that you have no         
intention of  slighting them4 ,you may  
be more intimate with some of your      
family1 and  give them particular proofs
 of affection2 but in these meetings you
 will  do well to abstain from every act
 of preference4    ,without being at all
 wanting in cordiality1 a little more   
ceremony  should be used towards your   
relations by marriage1 to whom you      
indeed  owe as much respect as to your  
own relations4        #f ,this is an    
allusion to the idiom of the ,french    

language1 and is        inapplicable in 
,english4--,t4          ,,chapter ,,iii4
    ,of propriety of conduct in conjugal
 and domestic relations4      ,if any   
thing can render politeness ridiculous1 
and even odious1 it is  the disposition 
of certain persons1 who in society are  
moderate1  amiable1 and gracious1 but in
 private show themselves morose1 rough  
and  ill-natured4 ,this fault1 much too 
common1 is one of the greatest          
inconsistencies of the human mind4 ,you 
use all your exertions to please  the   
world which you only see cursorily1 and 
in which you have only power  to procure
 a few moments of pleasure1 and you     
neglect to be agreeable to  your husband
 or wife1 from whom you expect the      
happiness of a whole  life4 ,perhaps it 
would be better to be continually       
capricious or harsh1  for the contrast  
of your politeness in the drawing-room  
with your  impoliteness at home makes   
you appear still more odious4 ,conjugal 
intimacy1 it is true1 dispenses with the

 etiquette established by  politeness1  
but it does not dispense with           
attentions4 ,in the presence of  your   
wife or husband1 you ought never to do  
those things which carry  with them an  
idea of disgust1 nor perform those      
duties of the toilet1  which before any 
one but yourself offend decency and     
cleanliness4#g  ,one ought never to     
permit disorder in his wardrobe under   
the excuse that  he is just up1 or at   
his own house4 ,to dress with neatness1 
and elegant  simplicity is important1   
even at home4    ,the conversation of   
husband and wife cannot be elegant1 and 
sustained in  the same manner that it is
 in society2 it would indeed be         
superlatively  ridiculous that it should
 not have interruption or relaxation1   
but it  should be free from all         
impoliteness and indelicacy4 ,if at any 
time the  society of your husband or    
wife causes you ennui1 you ought neither
 to  say so1 nor give any suspicion of  
the cause by abruptly changing the      

conversation4 ,in all discussions you   
should watch yourself attentively1  lest
 domestic familiarity raise itself by   
degrees to the pitch of a  quarrel4 ,it 
is especially to females that this      
advice is addressed1 and  to the        
impressive words of ,scripture1 'woman  
was not created for wrath1'  we may add 
these1 'she was created for gentleness4'
    ,to entertain with a politeness     
particularly affectionate the friends of
  a person with whom you are connected  
by marriage2 to respect inviolably  the 
letters which she writes or receives2 to
 avoid prying into the  secrets which   
she conceals from you through delicacy2 
never to act  contrary to her           
inclinations1 unless they are injurious 
to herself1 and  even in this case not  
to oppose her1 but to endeavor to check 
them with  address and kindness2 to     
beware of confiding to strangers or to  
domestics the little vexations which she
 causes you2 to dread like  poison marks
 of contempt1 coldness1 suspicion1 or   

reproaches2 to  apologize promptly and  
in an affectionate manner if you have   
allowed  yourself to run into any ill   
humor2 to receive her counsels with     
attention1 and benevolence1 and to      
execute them as quickly as              
possible--these are the obligations of  
propriety and love1 to which  husbands  
possessed of gentleness bind themselves1
 by the sanctity of the  vows which they
 have taken before ,god4 ,there is a    
still more rigorous  duty for a new     
husband1 and for well married persons2  
they must abstain  in public from every 
mark of affection too conspicuous1 and  
every  exclusive attention4 ,married    
persons who1 in society1 place          
themselves  continually near one        
another1 and who converse and dance     
together1 do  not escape the ridicule to
 which their feelings blind them4 ,in   
society1  we ought above every thing to 
avoid being personal2 for a husband or a
  wife1 is another self2 and we must    
forget that self4    ,mothers1 in       

particular1 spare no caresses towards   
your children1 occupy  yourselves       
entirely with them1 unless perhaps you  
fear to render them  proud1 difficult   
and insupportable2 if you fatigue people
 by having them  always present1 if you 
encourage or repeat their prattle and   
their  sports2 if1 on the other hand1   
you treat them with severity before     
strangers1 if you reprimand or punish   
them1 be assured every one will         
consider you importunate as well as     
ridiculous4    ,domestic propriety1     
which is at once a duty of justice1     
religion and  humanity1 is also a source
 of peace and pleasure4 ,servants       
treated with  suitable regard1 are      
attentive1 zealous and grateful1 and    
consequently  every thing is done with  
propriety and affection4 ,who does not  
know the  charm and value of this8      
,duties of this class require that you  
should never command your  domestics    
with hauteur and harshness4 ,every time 
that they render you a  service1 it     

claims an expression1 a gesture1 or at  
least a look of  thankfulness2 it       
requires that you should be still more  
affectionate  towards the domestics of  
your acquaintances1 and especially      
towards  those of your friends1 whom you
 ought always to treat kindly4 ,as to   
your  own domestics1 you should         
carefully beware of addressing to them  
any  confidential or even useless       
conversation1 for fear of rendering them
  insolent or familiar2 but propriety   
requires you to listen to them with     
kindness1 and give them salutary advice 
when it is for their interest4  ,it     
commands us also to show them indulgence
 frequently1 in order to be  able1 when 
there is cause1 to reprove them with    
firmness1 without being  obliged to have
 recourse to the false energy of anger4 
,the ton of domestics ordinarily        
announces that of their masters4 ,never 
suffer them to remain seated while      
answering distinguished persons who  ask
 for you4 ,take care that they do it    

always in a civil and polite  manner2   
let them lose no time1 if there is      
occasion1 in relieving your  visitors of
 their over-shoes1 umbrellas1 cloaks1   
c42 let them go  before1 to save your   
visitors the trouble of opening and     
shutting the  door4 ,when an            
announcement is made1 let them inform   
themselves  respectfully of the name of 
the person1 and pronounce it while      
holding  open for them the door of your 
room4 ,if you are not there1 let them   
offer a seat1 requesting the guests to  
wait a moment while they go to  call    
you4    ,when visitors take leave1      
domestics ought to manifest a promptness
 in  opening the outer door2 they should
 hold the door by the handle1 while  you
 converse with the person whom you      
reconduct2 they should present  them    
respectfully with whatever garments they
 may have thrown off1 and  aid them in  
again putting them on2 and should1 if   
occasion requires1  light them to the   
door1 going slowly behind them4         

,accustom your domestics never to appear
 before you too poorly1 or too  much    
dressed2 never to sit in your presence1 
especially while waiting  upon the      
table2 not to enter into conversation2  
never to answer by  signs1 or in coarse 
terms4    ,it is only among the badly   
educated people of the small towns that 
they  say1 the 'maid1' the 'boy1' the   
'domestic1' the 'servant2' and among the
  proud1 ill-bred fashionables1 who ape 
grandeur2 the 'lackey1' the  'valet1'   
'my people2' well-bred persons simply   
say1 the 'nurse1' the  'cook1' the      
'chamber-maid1' c4 and what is still    
better1 they designate  their domestics 
by their christian names4    ,if you    
have ever met with those merciless      
housekeepers who give you a  whole      
tariff of the commodities which they    
have been to market to  purchase1       
attended by their maid2 who entertain   
you constantly with the  insults and    
unfaithfulness of their domestics2 who  
fly into a passion  before you on       

account of a glass broken1 of which they
 require the  value1 and make you       
witness and judge of pert discussions   
occasioned by  servants' mistakes2 if   
you have had the misfortune to dine with
 such  persons1 and have seen them hand 
reluctantly to their sullen             
maid-servants one key after another1 to 
arrange the dessert brought by  them    
with a good supply of ill-humor2 if you 
have seen them go to the  cellar        
themselves1 and when they have just left
 the table1 to arrange in  a surly      
manner the wine1 sugar1 and delicacies1 
tell me1 poor guest1 if1  turning your  
head away with confusion and disgust1   
you have not an  hundred times said to  
yourself1 ',oh6 what living and         
disgusting models  of upstarts or       
provincials4'        #g ,as washing the 
feet1 cutting the nails1 c4             
,,chapter ,,iv4    ,of propriety as     
regards one's self4      ,attention to  
one's person and reputation is also a   
duty4 ,if vanity1  pride1 or prudery1   

have frequently given to these          
attentions the names  of coquetry1      
ambition1 or folly1 this is a still     
stronger reason1 why we  should endeavor
 to clear up these points4              
,,section ,i4    ,of the toilet4        
,propriety requires that we should      
always be clothed in a cleanly and      
becoming manner1 even in private1 in    
leaving our bed1 or in the presence  of 
no one4 ,it requires that our clothing  
be in keeping with our sex1  fortune1   
profession1 age1 and form1 as well as   
with the season1 the  different hours of
 the day and our different occupations4 
,let us now descend to the particulars  
of these general rules4    ,the dress   
for a man on his first rising1 is a cap 
of cotton1 or silk and  cotton1 a       
morning gown1 or a vest with sleeves2   
for a lady1 a small  muslin cap1 7bonnet
 de percale17 a camisole or common robe4
 ,it is well  that a half corset should 
precede the full corset1 which last is  
used  only when one is dressed2 for it  

is bad taste for a lady not to be laced 
at all4 ,the hair papers1 which cannot  
be removed on rising 7because the  hair 
would not keep in curl till evening17   
should be concealed under a  bandeau of 
lace or of the hair4 ,they should be    
removed as soon as may  be4 ,in this    
dress1 we can receive only intimate     
friends or persons1 who  call upon      
urgent or indispensable business2 even  
then we ought to offer  some apology for
 it4 ,to neglect to take off this       
morning dress as soon  as possible1 is  
to expose one's self to embarrassments  
often very  painful1 and to the         
appearance of a want of education4      
,moreover1 it is  well to impose upon   
yourself a rule to be dressed at some   
particular  hour 7the earliest          
possible17 since occupations will       
present themselves  to hinder your being
 ready for the day2 and you will easily 
acquire the  habit of this4 ,such       
disorder of the toilet can be excused   
when it occurs  rarely1 or for a short  

time1 as in such cases it seems         
evidently owing  to a temporary         
embarrassment2 but if it occur daily1 or
 constantly2 if  it seems the result of 
negligence and slovenliness1 it is      
unpardonable1  particularly in ladies1  
whose dress seems less designed for     
clothing  than ornament4    ,to suppose 
that great heat of weather will         
authorise this disorder of  the toilet1 
and will permit us to go in slippers1 or
 with our legs and  arms bare1 or to    
take nonchalant or improper attitudes1  
is an error of  persons of a low class1 
or destitute of education4 ,even the    
weather of  dog-days would not excuse   
this2 and if we would remain thus       
dressed1 we  must give directions that  
we are not at home4 ,on the other hand1 
to  think that cold and rainy weather   
excuses like liberties1 is equally an   
error4 ,you ought not to be in the habit
 of wearing large socks 7this is        
addressed particularly to ladies17 as   
socks of list and similar  materials2   

much less noisy shoes1 such as wooden   
ones1 galoches lined  with fur1 shoes   
with wooden soles1 socks1 c42 this      
custom is in the  worst taste4 ,when you
 go to see any one1 you cannot dispense 
with taking  off your socks or clogs    
before you are introduced into the room4
 ,for to  make a noise in walking is    
entirely at variance with good manners4 
,however pressed one may be1 a lady of  
good breeding should not go out in  a   
morning dress1 neither with an apron nor
 cap1 even if it is made of  fine cloth 
and trimmed with ribbands2 nor should a 
well-bred man show  himself in the      
street in a waistcoat only1 a jacket    
without sleeves1 c4  ,we said before    
that the dress should be adapted to the 
different hours  of the day4 ,ladies    
should make morning calls in an elegant 
and simple  nglig1 all the details of   
which we cannot give1 on account of     
their  multiplicity and the numerous    
modification of fashion4 ,we shall only 
say  that ladies generally should make  

these calls in the dress which they     
wear at home4 ,gentlemen may call in an 
outside coat1 in boots and  pantaloons1 
as when they are on their ordinary      
business4 ,in short1 this  dress is     
proper for gentlemen's visits in the    
middle of the day4 ,with  regard to     
ladies1 it is necessary for them when   
visiting at this time1  to arrange their
 toilet with more care4 ,ceremonious    
visits1 evening  visits1 and especially 
balls1 require more attention to the    
dress of  gentlemen1 and a more         
brilliant costume for ladies4 ,there are
 for the  latter1 head-dresses          
particularly designed for such          
occasions1 and for  no other1 such as   
rich blond caps1 ornamented with        
flowers1 brilliant  berrets and toques1 
appropriate to the drawing-room4    ,the
 nicest cloth1 new and very fine linen1 
an elegant but plain  waistcoat2 a      
beautiful watch1 to which is attached a 
single costly key1  thin and well       
polished shoes1 an entirely new hat1 of 

a superior  quality--this is a dress at 
once recherch and rigorously exact1 for 
gentlemen of good taste and ton4 ,one's 
profession requires very little         
modification of this costume2 we should 
observe1 however1 that men of  science  
7savans7 and literary men and those in  
the profession of the  law1 should avoid
 having a fashionable or military       
costume1 which is  generally adopted by 
students1 commercial men1 and           
exquisites1 for the  sake of ton or for 
want of something to do4    ,situation  
in the world determines among ladies1   
those differences1 which  though        
otherwise well marked1 are becoming less
 so every day4 ,every one  knows that   
whatever be the fortune of a young lady1
 her dress ought  always1 in form as    
well as ornaments1 to exhibit less of a 
recherch  appearance and should be less 
showy than that of married ladies4      
,costly  cashmeres1 very rich furs1 and 
diamonds1 as well as many other         
brilliant  ornaments1 are to be         

forbidden a young lady2 and those who   
act in  defiance of these rational marks
 of propriety make us believe that they 
are possessed of an unrestrained love of
 luxury1 and deprive themselves  of the 
pleasure of receiving these ornaments   
from the hand of the man of  their      
choice4    ,all ladies cannot use       
indiscriminately the privilege which    
marriage  confers upon them in this     
respect1 and the toilet of those whose  
fortune  is moderate should not pass the
 bounds of an elegant simplicity4       
,considerations of a more elevated      
nature1 as of good domestic order1 the  
dignity of a wife1 and the duties of a  
mother1 come in support of this  law of 
propriety1 for it concerns morality in  
all its branches4    ,we must beware of 
a shoal in this case2 frequently a young
 lady of small  fortune1 desiring to    
appear decently in any splendid         
assembly1 makes  sacrifices in order to 
embellish her modest attire4 ,but these 
sacrifices  are necessarily inadequate2 

a new and brilliant article of dress is 
placed by the side of a mean or old one4
 ,the toilet then wants harmony1  which 
is the soul of elegance as well as of   
beauty4 ,moreover1 whatever  be the     
opulence which you enjoy1 luxury        
encroaches so much upon it1 that  no    
riches are able to satisfy its demands2 
but fortunately propriety1  always in   
accordance with reason1 encourages by   
this maxim social and  sensible women4  
,neither too high1 nor too low2 it is   
equally ridiculous  either to pretend to
 be the most showy1 or to display the   
meanest attire  in an assembly4    ,the 
rules suitable to age resemble those    
which mediocrity of fortune  imposes2   
for instance1 old ladies ought to       
abstain from gaudy colors1  recherch    
designs1 too late fashions1 and graceful
 ornaments1 as  feathers1 flowers1 and  
jewels4 ,a lady in her decline dressed  
in her  hair1 and wearing a dress with  
short sleeves1 adorned with collars1    
bracelets1 c4 offends against propriety 

as much as against her interest  and    
dignity4    ,the rigorous simplicity of 
the dress of men establishes but very   
little  difference between that of young
 and old4 ,the latter1 however1 ought to
  choose grave colors1 not to follow the
 fashions too closely2 to avoid         
garments too tight or too short1 and not
 to have in view in their toilet  any   
other object but ease and neatness4     
,unless the care of their health1  or   
complete baldness1 requires them to wear
 a wig1#h it is more proper  that old   
persons should show their white and     
noble heads4 ,old ladies1  whom custom  
requires to conceal this respectable    
sign of a long life1  should at least   
avoid hair too thick or too full of     
curls4    ,if they would not appear     
ridiculous and clothed in a manner      
disagreeable  or offensive1 ladies ought
 to adopt in summer light garments1 and 
delicate colors1 and in winter1 furs1   
thick and warm fabrics1 and deep        
colors4 ,men till lately were almost    

free from this obligation2 they used  to
 be constantly clothed in broadcloth in 
all seasons3 but now1 although  this may
 form the basis of their toilet1 they   
must select stuffs for  winter or       
summer1 as may be suitable4 ,it is in   
good ton for gentlemen to  wear a rich  
cloak2 an outer garment over the coat   
7especially one of  silk17 is left for  
men of a certain age4 ,it only belongs  
to  septuagenarians and ecclesiastics to
 wear doublets or wadded outer  coats4  
,to finish our instructions relative to 
the toilet1 it only remains for  us to  
make a few observations4    ,it is      
superlatively ridiculous for a lady to  
go on foot1 when dressed in  her hair1  
or attired for the drawing-room or a    
ball4 ,if one dwells in a  provincial   
town where it is not customary to use   
carriages1 they should  go in a chair4  
,who does not perceive how laughable it 
is to see a lady  who is clothed in     
satin lace1 or velvet1 laboriously      
travelling in the  dust or mud4    ,vary

 your toilet as much as possible1 for   
fear that idlers and malignant  wits1   
who are always a majority in the world1 
should amuse themselves by  making your 
dress the description of your person4   
,certain fashionables seek to gain a    
kind of reputation by the odd choice  of
 their attire1 and by their eagerness to
 seize upon the first caprices  of the  
fashions4 ,propriety with difficulty    
tolerates these fancies of a  spoiled   
child3 but it applauds a woman of sense 
and taste1 who is not in  a hurry to    
follow the fashions and asks how long   
they will probably last  before adopting
 them2 finally1 who selects and modifies
 them with  success according to her    
size and figure4    ,it would be        
extremely clownish to carry dirt into a 
decent house1  especially if one makes a
 ceremonious visit2 and1 when there is  
much  mud1 or when we cannot walk with  
skill1 it is proper to go in a          
carriage1 or at least to put in         
requisition the services of a shoe-black

  at a short distance from the house4   
#h ,young people who become bald1 should
 not hesitate to have recourse        to
 wigs4 ,nothing more saddens the        
appearance1 than those bald             
skulls1 which seem always to invite the 
observations of the        anatomist4   
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,reputation4     
,among the cares which propriety obliges
 us to take of our person1 to  please is
 but an accessary circumstance2 the     
principal end is to  indicate by        
cleanliness1 and the suitableness of    
apparel1 that good  order1 a sense of   
what is right1 and politeness in all    
things1 direct  our thoughts and        
actions4 ,in this point of view1 we see 
that a regard to  reputation is the     
necessary consequence of the duties of  
propriety  toward one's self4    ,to    
inspire esteem and consideration1 is    
then the grand object of  propriety of  
conduct2 for without this treasure1 the 
relations of  society would be a        
humiliation and punishment4 ,they are   

obtained by the  accomplishment of our  
obligations of family and of our        
profession2 by  our probity and good    
manners2 by our fortune and situation in
 society4    ,consideration is not      
acquired by words2 an article so        
precious demands a  real value2 it      
demands also the assistance of          
discretion4 ,so that we  must begin by  
fulfilling exactly our duties towards   
relations2 but we  must beware of making
 public those petty quarrels1 and little
  differences of interest1 of ill humor 
or opinion1 which sometimes  trouble    
families most closely united4 ,these    
momentary clouds1 soon  dissipated by   
affection and confidence1 would be      
engraven on the memory  of others as a  
proof of your domestic discords1 and in 
the end1 of your  faults4#i    ,probity1
 that powerful means of obtaining       
consideration1 by its elevated  and     
religious nature1 is not within our     
investigation of the principles  of     
politeness4    ,this is not the case    

with that consideration which is        
attached to purity  of morals4 ,the     
proof of probity is in probity itself2  
but1 thanks to the  delicate shades of  
reputation1 in regard to chastity1 there
 exists1  independently of good conduct1
 a multitude of cares1 and precautions1 
which1 however minute and embarrassing  
at times1 ought never to be  neglected4 
,ladies1 to whom the advice contained in
 this paragraph is  particularly        
addressed1 know how the shadow of       
suspicion withers and  torments them4   
,this shadow1 it is necessary to avoid  
at all hazards1 and  on that account to 
submit to all the requirements of       
propriety4    ,young married ladies are 
at liberty to visit by themselves their 
acquaintances1 but they cannot present  
themselves in public without  their     
husband1 or an aged lady4 ,they are at  
liberty however to walk with  young     
married ladies or unmarried ones1 while 
the latter should never  walk alone with
 their companions4 ,neither should they 

show themselves  except with a gentleman
 of their family1 and then he should be 
a near  relation or of respectable age4 
,except in certain provincial towns1    
where there is a great strictness in    
behavior1 young married ladies receive  
the visits of gentlemen2 they  permit   
their company in promenades1 without    
suffering the least injury  to their    
reputation1 provided it is always with  
men of good morals1 and  that they take 
care to avoid every appearance of       
coquetry4 ,young widows  have equal     
liberty with married ladies4    ,a lady 
ought not to present herself alone in a 
library1 or a museum1  unless she goes  
there to study or work as an artist4    
,a lady ought to have a modest and      
measured gait2 too great hurry injures  
the grace which ought to characterize   
her4 ,she should not turn her head  on  
one side and the other1 especially in   
large towns1 where this bad  habit seems
 to be an invitation to the impertinent4
 ,if such persons  address her in any   

flattering or insignificant terms1 she  
should take  good care not to answer    
them a word4 ,if they persist1 she      
should tell  them in a brief and firm1  
though polite tone1 that she desires to 
be  left to herself4 ,if a man follow   
her in silence1 she should pretend not  
to perceive him1 and at the same time   
hasten a little her step4    ,towards   
the close of the day1 a young lady would
 conduct herself in an  unbecoming      
manner1 if she should go alone2 and if  
she passes the evening  with any one1   
she ought to see that a domestic comes  
to accompany her1  if not1 to request   
the person whom she is visiting1 to     
allow some one to  do so4 ,but however  
much this may be considered proper1 and 
consequently  an obligation1 a married  
lady well educated will disregard it if 
circumstances prevent her being able1   
without trouble1 to find a  conductor4  
,if the master of the house wishes to   
accompany you himself1 you must  excuse 
yourself politely from giving him so    

much trouble1 but finish  however by    
accepting4 ,on arriving at your house1  
you should offer him  your thanks4 ,in  
order to avoid these two inconveniences1
 it will be well  to request your       
husband1 or some one of your relations  
to come and wait  upon you2 you will in 
this way avoid still another            
inconvenience2 in  small towns1 where   
malice is excited by ignorance and want 
of something  to do1 they frequently    
censure the most innocent acts2 it is   
not  uncommon to hear slanderous and    
silly gossips observe1 that madame      
such-a-one goes to madame such-a-one's  
for the sake of returning with  her     
husband4 ,the seeds of such an          
imputation1 once sown1 quickly come to  
maturity4    ,the care of the reputation
 of ladies further demands that they    
should  have a modest deportment2 should
 abstain from forward manners1 and free 
speeches4        #i ,as to the means of 
obtaining consideration1 in performing  
the        duties appertaining to our   

station in life1 see the following      
chapters4          ,,chapter ,v4    ,of 
propriety1 in regard to one's business  
or profession4      ,besides general    
politeness1 that ready money which is   
current with all1  there is a polite    
deportment suited to every profession4  
,interest1  custom1 and the desire of   
particular esteem1 the necessity of     
moderating  the enthusiasm which almost 
constantly animates us1--are the motives
  which determine the different kinds of
 politeness that we are going to        
consider as regards shopkeepers1 people 
in office1 lawyers1 physicians1         
artists1 military men1 and              
ecclesiastics4 ,as all this politeness  
is  mutual1 we shall necessarily speak  
of the obligations imposed upon  people 
who have intercourse with these         
different persons4      ,,section ,i4   
,politeness of ,shopkeepers and         
,customers4    ,politeness in           
shopkeepers is a road to fortune1 which 
the greater part  of them are careful   

not to neglect1 especially at ,paris1   
where we find  particularly the model of
 a well-bred shopkeeper4 ,it is this    
model that  we wish to hold up even to  
some ,parisians1 and to the retail      
dealers of  the provincial towns1 as    
well as to those who are unacquainted   
with  trade1 but are destined to that   
profession4    ,when a customer calls1  
the shopkeeper should salute him        
politely1  without inquiring after his  
health1 unless he be intimately         
acquainted  with him4 ,he then waits    
until the customer has made known his   
wishes1  advances toward him1 or brings 
forward a seat1 then shows him1 with    
great civility1 the articles for which  
he has inquired4 ,if the purchaser  be  
difficult to suit1 capricious1          
ridiculous1 or even disdainful1 the     
shopkeeper ought not to appear to       
perceive it2 he may however in such     
cases1 show a little coldness of manner4
    ,the part which shopkeepers have to 
act is frequently painful1 we must      

allow2 there are some people who treat  
them like servants2 there are  some     
capricious fashionables1 who go into a  
shop only to pass the  time1 to see the 
new fashions1 and who1 with this object 
make the  shopkeeper open a hundred     
bundles1 show heaps of goods1 and finish
 by  going out1 saying in a disdainful  
tone that nothing suits them4 ,there    
are some merciless purchasers who       
contend for a few cents with all the    
tenacity of avarice1 obstinacy and      
pride2 however1 under all these         
vexations1 the shopkeeper must show     
constant urbanity4 ,he waits upon  such 
imperious purchasers with readiness1 but
 nevertheless in silence1  for he must  
be convinced that the more complying we 
are to people of  this sort1 the more   
haughty and difficult they show         
themselves4    ,with capricious         
fashionables1 his patience should never 
forsake him2  and although he well knows
 what will be the result of their       
fatiguing  call1 he nevertheless should 

show them his goods1 as if he thought   
they  really intended to buy2 for       
sometimes this tempts them to purchase4 
,even  though his politeness should be  
all lost1 he should still express his   
regret at not having been able to suit  
the lady1 and hope to be more  fortunate
 another time2 he should then conduct   
her politely to the door1  which he     
should hold open until her carriage     
leaves it4    ,a shopkeeper who wishes  
to save time1 words and vexation1 who   
even feels  the dignity of his          
profession1 ought to sell at a fixed    
price1 or if he  does not announce that 
he sells in that mode1 he ought at least
 to adopt  it1 and not to have what is  
called an asking price4 ,if however he  
has  to do with those gossips who think 
themselves cheated unless something  is 
abated1 or who design to impose         
sacrifices on the shopkeepers1 it is    
necessary to carry on this ridiculous   
skirmishing politely1 and to yield  by  
degrees1 without exhibiting any marks of

 displeasure at these  endless debates4 
,but the dealer of bon ton abstains from
 those lofty  assurances1 those         
laughable adjurations1 declarations of  
loss1 and of  preference1 as1 ,i lose   
all profit1 it is because it is you1 and
 other  foolish things1 which make a    
lackey's office of a truly respectable  
profession4    ,the clerks should carry 
the articles purchased to the desk1     
whither they  should politely conduct   
the purchaser2 they then should make up 
the  bundle which they should not       
deliver until the bill is settled1 and  
the  purchaser is ready to depart4 ,if  
the latter is not on foot1 the bundle   
should not be delivered until he is     
seated in the carriage1 and the door  is
 ready to be shut4 ,if1 on the contrary1
 the purchaser is not in a  carriage1 he
 must be asked whether he wishes to have
 the bundle carried  home4 ,this        
politeness is indispensable if the      
bundle is large1 and  especially if the 
purchaser is a lady4    ,it is further  

necessary that the person at the desk   
should offer small  change for the      
balance of the purchase1 and should     
apologise if he is  obliged to give     
copper or heavy money2 he ought to      
present a bill of the  articles1 and not
 show any ill-humor if the purchaser    
thinks proper to  look over it4         
,there is one circumstance which tries  
the politeness of the most civil        
shopkeepers2 it is when an assortment is
 wanted4 ,it is indeed irksome  enough  
to show a great quantity of goods1 and  
give patterns of them1  with the        
certainty almost that all you do will   
avail nothing4 ,but it  ought not to be 
forgotten1 that like all other          
qualities1 politeness has  its trials1  
and that perhaps the person who has thus
 chanced to call at  their shop1 will be
 induced by this amenity of behavior1 to
 continue  always a customer4    ,we    
trust that the shopkeepers' clerks1 in  
the recommendations which we  are now   
about to give them1 will not see any    

silly attempt to address  them with     
smart sayings4    ,by enjoining upon    
them to avoid volubility--a             
disrespectful familiarity  toward       
ladies--extravagant praises of their    
goods--an affected zeal in  serving rich
 persons--an impolite tardiness1 and    
disdainful inattention  to people of a  
diffident manner--the ridiculous habit  
of wishing to make  conversation--to    
urge people to buy whether they wish to 
or not--to stun  them with the names of 
all the goods in the shop--by enjoining 
upon them  to avoid these things1 we    
intend less to join in than to preserve 
them  from the reproaches of fault      
finders4    ,every civility ought to be 
reciprocal1 or nearly so4 ,if the       
officious  politeness of the shopkeeper 
does not require an equal return1 he has
 at  least a claim to civil treatment2  
and1 finally1 if this politeness        
proceed from interest1 is this a reason 
why purchasers should add to  the       
unpleasantness of his profession1 and   

trouble themselves little at  violating 
the laws of politeness8 ,many very      
respectable people allow  themselves so 
many infractions on this point1 that ,i 
think it my duty to  dwell upon it4     
,you should never say1 ,i want such a   
thing1 but1 have the goodness to  show  
me1 or show me1 if you please1 that     
article1 or use some other  polite form 
of address4 ,if they do not show you at 
first the articles  you desire1 and you 
are obliged to examine a great number1  
apologize to  the shopkeeper for the    
trouble you give him4 ,if1 after all you
 cannot  suit yourself1 renew your      
apologies1 when you go away4    ,if you 
make small purchases1 say1 ,i ask your  
pardon1 or ,i am sorry  for having      
troubled you for so trifling a thing4   
,if you spend a  considerable time in   
the selection of articles1 apologize to 
the  shopkeeper who waits for you to    
decide4    ,if the price seems to you   
too high1 and that the shop has not     
fixed  prices1 ask an abatement in brief

 and civil terms1 and without ever      
appearing to suspect the good faith of  
the shopkeeper4 ,if he does not  yield1 
do not enter into a contest with him1   
but go away1 after telling  him politely
 that you think you can obtain the      
article cheaper  elsewhere1 but if not1 
that you will give him the preference4  
,if the  clerk ends by asking whether   
you wish for any other article1 answer  
always in a manner to encourage him that
 you will call again4 ,we should  never 
neglect to be agreeable4 ,thank him     
always when you go out4      ,,section  
,,ii4    ,politeness between ,persons in
 ,office and the ,public4    ,this is   
not very conspicuous2 nor can it be1    
since in this case1 the  desire of      
pleasing and the expectation of gain1   
have no influence4  ,besides1 as we     
remain but a moment with these          
gentlemen1 and as they  have business   
with a great many people1 the           
observances and forms of  politeness    
would be misplaced4 ,the following are  

points to be observed  by them1 and are 
by no means rigid2 the greater therefore
 the reason for  conforming to them4    
,a man in office is not obliged to rise 
and salute people1 nor to offer  them a 
seat2 it is enough for him to receive   
them by an inclination of  the head1 and
 make a sign with the hand1 to intimate 
to them to be  seated4 ,the business    
being finished1 he salutes them on      
leaving1 as  before1 and never conducts 
them back to the door4 ,it would be     
ridiculous  to be offended with these   
bureaucratic forms1 and still more so1  
to  wish to enter into conversation1 to 
make inquiries concerning the  health1  
c4 ,in proportion to their official     
habits1 those in office  ought to watch 
themselves with care in society4        
,,section ,,iii4    ,politeness of      
,lawyers and their ,clients4            
,politeness is a very difficult thing   
for this respectable class1 who see     
constantly before their eyes people     
always animated with a feeling which    

renders them little amiable1 namely1    
interest4 ,besides1 being in the  habit 
of refuting their adversaries1 and being
 obliged to do it  promptly1 they       
acquire1 in general1 a kind of          
bluntness1 a decisive  tone1 a spirit of
 contradiction1 of which they ought to  
be distrustful  in society1 and also in 
their places of business4 ,the familiar 
usage of  common inquiries after the    
health is not customary between         
attorneys or  advocates and their       
clients1 unless they have before been   
acquainted  with them4 ,they are however
 bound to observe attentions which are  
not  practised by persons in office4    
,they rise to salute their clients1     
offer  them a seat1 and conduct them to 
the door when they take leave2 they     
observe what is due to sex1 rank1 and   
age4    ,as to clients1 they ought to   
conform to the ordinary rules of        
civility2  they ought1 moreover1 not to 
exhibit any signs of impatience while   
they  are waiting until they can be     

received4 ,they should take care to be  
clear and precise in the narration of   
their business1 and not to  importune by
 vain repetitions or passionate         
declamations1 the counsellor  who is    
listening to them4 ,they should also    
consider that his moments are  precious1
 and should retire so soon as they shall
 have sufficiently  instructed him in   
their business4      ,,section ,,iv4    
,politeness of ,physicians and their    
,patients4    ,the observances adopted  
in the offices of lawyers1 are likewise 
practised with consulting physicians2   
but sympathy should give to the  tone or
 manner of the latter a more            
affectionate character4 ,patients  well 
educated will beware of abusing it1 and 
will keep to themselves all  complaints 
which are useless towards a knowledge of
 their malady4 ,they  will answer the   
questions of the doctor in a clear1     
brief1 and polite  manner2 and when     
these questions do not embrace the      
observations which  they may have made  

on their own disorder1 they will say so1
 at the same  time observing some excuse
 like the following2 ,i ask your pardon2
 this  observation is perhaps idle1 but 
being myself ignorant1 and wishing to   
omit nothing1 ,i submit it to your good 
judgment4    ,you ought to give frequent
 and heartfelt thanks to the physician  
who  affords you his advice or          
attentions4 ,the circumstance of his    
being  unsuccessful does not exonerate  
you from these testimonies of gratitude2
  it renders them perhaps more          
obligatory1 for delicacy requires that  
you  should not appear tacitly to       
reproach him on account of his having   
been  unfortunate in his efforts4       
,being obliged to speak of different    
wants1 and of different parts of the    
body1 for which politeness has no       
appropriate language1 the physician     
ought to avoid being obscure or gross1  
particularly when addressing  ladies4 ,a
 forgetfulness of these forms often     
renders insupportable even  a           

meritorious and learned man4    ,every  
one knows1 with what delicate           
precautions a physician ought to  speak 
before the patient and his family1 of   
the nature of the illness  and of the   
probable consequences when there exists 
any danger2 in what  guarded terms he   
should at last disclose to them a fatal 
termination1 if  unfortunately it has   
become inevitable4 ,every body knows1   
also1 that  however poignant may be the 
grief of parents1 they ought never to   
let it  appear in their conversations   
with the physician1 that they regard him
  as the cause of their affliction4     
,,section ,v4    ,politeness of ,artists
 and ,authors1 and the ,deference due to
 them4    ,do artists come under the    
common rule1 it will perhaps be said8   
and ,i  shall ask1 in my turn3 ,do they 
live like others1--these men1 always    
absorbed in one strong and single       
conception1 with which they1 like the   
,creator1 wish to animate matter8--who  
seek everywhere the secret of the       

beautiful which goads1 infatuates1 and  
evades them8--passionate1  absorbed in  
thought1 ingenuous1 almost always       
strangers to calculation1  to pleasure1 
and to the occupations of the world8    
,no1 they have a  separate existence1   
one which the world does not comprehend1
 and which  they ought to conceal from  
the world4    ,if1 as we shall see      
hereafter1 one should avoid speaking of 
his  profession1 and of his personal    
affairs1 for a still stronger reason1 an
  artist ought to be silent about his   
own labors1 his success1 and his  hopes4
 ,people will accuse him of arrogance1  
of vanity1 and perhaps even  of madness2
 for enthusiasm is not included in1 nor 
admitted into  society1 because there   
the ridiculous is feared above          
everything1 and  from the sublime to the
 ridiculous there is but one step4 ,let 
him1  then1 reserve only for his        
friends1 for true friends of the arts1  
his  noble and striking bursts of       
inspiration4    ,people are also        

generally prone to suspect artists of   
jealousy4 ,in order  to escape this     
accusation1 and at the same time        
preserve the right of  telling their    
thoughts1 they ought to commend warmly  
what appears to  them good1 and         
criticise with much moderation and      
without any raillery  what is defective4
    ,these observations are addressed   
equally to authors1 with this important 
addition4 ,besides the charge of        
arrogance1 people are much disposed to  
accuse them of pedantry4 ,let them      
therefore be careful1 and check         
constantly the desire of entering into  
conversation upon the interesting       
subjects with which they are continually
 occupied4 ,let them always be in  fear 
of obtaining the name of a bel esprit1 a
 name which calls up so  many           
recollections of pedantry and           
affectation4    ,a graceful simplicity1 
a happy mixture of elevation and navet1 
should  characterise authors and        
artists1 but particularly female authors

 and  artists4 ,ladies who handle the   
pen1 the lyre1 or the pencil1 ought to  
be  well persuaded that any vestige of  
prejudice raises against them1          
especially in provincial places1 a      
multitude of unfavorable  observations4 
,and besides1 so many half-instructed   
women have had so  much the air and     
manners of upstarts1 that this opinion  
is almost  excusable4 ,now this         
prejudice lays it down as a rule1 that  
every female  author or artist may be   
known at first sight1 by her oddities1  
her want  of modesty1 or her pedantic   
folly4 ,do away this unjust prejudice1  
my  female friends3 it will be both easy
 and pleasant2 you will have only to    
follow the influence of an elevated     
soul1 a pure taste2 you will have  but  
to remind yourselves that simplicity is 
the coquetry of genius4    ,but if      
people who cultivate literature and the 
arts ought to apply  themselves without 
reluctance or ill-humor to all the      
requirements of  society2 if they ought 

to strip themselves of all pretension1  
and forget  themselves1 others should   
not forget them4 ,politeness requires   
that we  converse with an author        
concerning his works2 that we           
congratulate him  on his success2 that  
we bestow upon him suitable and delicate
 praises4  ,if any of his works are     
unknown to us1 we should ask of him the 
loan of  it with earnestness2 we should 
read it with promptitude1 and prove to  
him by our citations that we have a     
thorough acquaintance with it4 ,if he   
makes us a present of any of his        
productions1 we shall owe him a call1   
or at least a billet of thanks4         
,handsome compliments1 and lively       
testimonials of acknowledgment1 ought to
 fill up this visit or billet4          
,remember1 also1 that to please an      
artist1 it is necessary to flatter at   
once his taste1 his self-esteem1 and his
 cultivation of the fine arts4  ,speak  
to him therefore like a connoisseur1 or 
at least an admirer of  music1 or of    

painting4 ,ask the favor of seeing his  
pictures1 or of  hearing his symphonies4
 ,contemplate the former a long time2   
listen to  the latter with great        
attention2 address to him lively        
congratulations  mingled with thanks2   
then1 by an adroit transition1 put to   
him questions  which prove your desire  
to be initiated into a knowledge of the 
arts4    ,when an artist or a writer    
obtains any honorable distinction1 as a 
prize1 a medal1 dramatic success1 or an 
academical title1 his friends  and      
acquaintances should lose no time in    
offering him their compliments4  ,those 
at a distance1 may perform this duty of 
politeness by writing4    ,not only     
authors by profession1 but literary     
persons who publish a  discourse1 a     
little work1 or a pamphlet1 should send1
 in an envelope1  a copy to their       
family1 friends1 professional brethren1 
authors  who have addressed to them     
similar presents1 to their intimate     
acquaintances1 their superiors1 and to  

those persons to whom they owe          
respect--according to the nature of the 
work1 and to the people with  whom they 
have relations of pleasure1 or of       
business4 ,it is an  affectionate and   
very polite custom for the author to    
write with his  own hand at the top of  
the first leaf or of the cover1 some    
kind or  respectful words1 according to 
the person to whom it is addressed4     
,these  words1 which are designed to    
make of the gift a remembrance or       
homage1  are always written under the   
name of the person1 and signed by the   
author4 ,we will here speak of a        
dedication only to observe1 that we     
cannot dedicate a work to any one1      
without having previously obtained  his 
consent1 either verbally or by writing4 
,when it is to the king1  queen1 or     
princes1 it is necessary to write to    
their secretary1 to know  their wish in 
this respect4 ,as to any other person of
 dignity1 we may  write to him without  
any intermediate agency4 ,if the members

 of the  royal family have accepted the 
dedication1 the author is generally     
allowed the honor of presenting his work
 to them4      ,,section ,,vi4          
,politeness of ,military ,men4          
,military politeness has1 as we know1   
some particular characteristics4        
,officers and soldiers do not uncover   
themselves on entering a church1 if     
they are under arms2 only1 during the   
elevation of the host1#aj they  raise   
the right hand to the front part of     
their helmet1 cap1 or  shako4#aa ,when  
soldiers converse with their superiors1 
they constantly  hold the edge of the   
hand to their forehead4 ,on entering a  
drawing room1  an officer lays down his 
sabre or his sword4 ,it is not in good  
ton for  a man to present himself before
 ladies1 in the uniform of the national 
guard1 unless some circumstance excuses 
or authorises this liberty4    ,in a    
citizen's dress1 officers may wear a    
black cravat4    ,if we are acquainted  
with military men1 in addressing them1  

we call them  only general1 or captain2 
but it would be uncivil to give them the
  title of an inferior grade thus we    
should not say lieutenant4        #aj   
,this has reference1 of course1 to      
,catholic countries only4      #aa ,a   
kind of military cap4      ,,section    
,,vii4    ,politeness of ,ecclesiastics 
and ,females of ,religious ,orders2 and 
the  ,deference due to them4#ab    ,a   
priest should be considered in two      
points of view2 when he is  exercising  
his holy office1 and when he is taking  
part in the relations  of society4 ,in  
the first case1 he is an object of      
special respect2 and  even the title to 
be given him1 the words to be addressed 
to him1 the  attitude to be taken in    
speaking to him1 are regulated by the   
liturgy4  ,but1 although the            
ecclesiastic be not now in society an   
object of  religious veneration1 he has1
 as the representative of ,god1 or as a 
minister of the altar1 a right to much  
respect and deference4 ,too light       

conversation1 dancing and love songs1   
would be out of place in his  presence4 
,ecclesiastics have two shoals to avoid4
 ,their custom of preaching a  severe   
and sacred morality1 and of catechising 
or censuring with  authority the        
penitent1 gives them sometime a         
dogmatical and rigid  tone1 a pedantry  
of morality altogether contrary to      
social affability4  ,sometimes1 also1 to
 guard against this result1 which they  
feel to be  almost inevitable1          
ecclesiastics1 especially the more aged1
 indulge  themselves in unsuitable      
pleasantries1 which they would not dare 
to  allow in men of the world4 ,a mild  
gravity1 a moderate gaiety1 a noble  and
 affectionate urbanity--these are the   
characteristics which ought to          
distinguish the ecclesiastic1 in        
society4        #ab ,these remarks have 
particular reference to ,catholic       
countries         and forms1 but may    
many of them be applied to other        
denominations4          ,,part ,,ii4    

,,of ,,propriety ,,of ,,deportment ,,in 
,,regard ,,to ,,our ,,social            
,,relations4          ,,chapter ,i4     
,of ,deportment in the ,street4         
,some readers will perhaps be surprised 
to see me commence a chapter with  the  
duty we owe to persons passing the      
street2 but if they reflect upon  it1   
they will see that there are1 even on   
this subject1 a sufficient  number of   
things proper to be mentioned4    ,when 
you are passing in the street1 and see  
coming towards you a person  of your    
acquaintance1 whether a lady1 a man     
raised to dignity1 or an  elderly       
person1 you should offer them the wall1 
that is to say1 the  side next the      
houses4    ,if a carriage happen to stop
 in such a manner as to leave only a    
narrow  passage between it and the      
houses1 beware of elbowing and rudely   
crowding the passengers1 with a view to 
getting by more expeditiously3  wait    
your turn1 and if any one of the persons
 before mentioned comes up1  you should 

edge up to the wall1 in order to give   
them the place4 ,they  also1 as they    
pass1 ought to bow politely to you4     
,if stormy weather has made it necessary
 to lay a plank across the  gutters1    
which have become suddenly full of      
water1 it is not proper to  crowd before
 another1 in order to pass over the     
frail bridge4    ,further1--a young man 
of good breeding should promptly offer  
his hand to  ladies1 even if they are   
not acquaintances1 when they pass such a
 place4    ,you must pay attention to   
your manner of walking1 for fear of     
throwing  mud around you1 and spattering
 yourself as well as those who accompany
  you1 or who walk behind you4 ,any     
person1 particularly a lady1 who walks  
in this improper manner1 whatever her   
education may be in other  respects1    
will always appear awkward and clumsy4  
,every one knows that the ,parisian     
ladies are celebrated for their skill   
in walking3 we see them in white        
stockings and thin shoes1 passing       

through long1 dirty1 and blocked up     
streets1 gliding by careless  persons1  
and by vehicles crossing each other in  
every direction1 and yet  return home   
after a walk of several hours1 without  
soiling their clothes  in the least4    
,to arrive at this astonishing result1  
which causes the wonder and  vexation of
 provincial visitors on their first     
coming to ,paris1 we must  be careful to
 put the foot on the middle of the      
paving stones1 and  never on the edges1 
for1 in that case1 one inevitably slips 
into the  interstice between one        
pavement and another3 we must begin by  
supporting  the toe1 before we do the   
heel2 and even when the mud is quite    
deep1 we  must put down the heel but    
seldom4 ,when the street becomes less   
muddy1  we can compensate ourselves for 
this fatigue1 which1 however1 in the    
end1 leaves us hardly sensible4    ,this
 manner of walking is strictly necessary
 when you offer your arm to  any one4   
,when tripping over the pavement1 7as   

the saying is7 a lady  should gracefully
 raise her dress a little above her     
ancle4 ,with the  right hand she should 
hold together the folds of her gown1 and
 draw them  towards the right side4 ,to 
raise the dress on both sides1 and with 
both  hands1 is vulgar4 ,this ungraceful
 practice can be tolerated only for a   
moment1 when the mud is very deep4      
,it is an important thing in the streets
 of a large city to edge  one's-self    
along2 that is to avoid jostling and    
being jostled by those  who are passing4
 ,a neglect of this attention1 will make
 you appear not  only awkward and       
ridiculous1 but you will receive or give
 dangerous  blows4 ,one can edge along  
by turning sideways1 contracting his    
arms1 and  watching with his eye the    
direction which it is best to take in   
order  not to come in contact with the  
person who meets him4 ,a little practice
  and care will soon make this duty     
familiar4    ,to make our way along1    
becomes more difficult when we have a   

packet or  an umbrella to carry1        
especially if the latter is open4 ,it is
 then  necessary to lower or raise it1  
or to turn it on one side4 ,if you      
neglect these precautions1 you run the  
risk of striking it against those  who  
are coming and going1 or of seeing it   
twirled round1 and of being  thrown     
against a carriage1 or against some one 
who will complain  bitterly of your     
incivility and awkwardness4    ,if you  
have no umbrella1 and find yourself     
overtaken by a sudden shower1  and any  
person provided with one is going in the
 same direction1 you may  request them  
to shelter you2 they should receive your
 request with much  politeness1 inform  
themselves of the place where you wish  
to stop1 and  offer to conduct you      
there1 unless it is too much out of the 
way1 or  they be pressed for business2  
in this case1 they should express their 
regret at not being able to accompany   
you so far as you wish4    ,what we are 
now about to say1 proves that a person  

truly polite1 will  not wait for you to 
make this request1 but will use every   
exertion to  anticipate it3 we must     
observe however1 whether age1 sex1 or   
dress  present no objection2 for        
sometimes one would be treated with     
ill-humor  and contempt2 and if you are 
a lady1 particularly arrived at a       
certain  age1 it would be extremely     
unpleasant to accost a person1 who1 on  
his  part1 ought never to offer this    
favor1 nor any other to ladies1 and     
whose air and immodest manners indicate 
at once his vulgarity4 ,it would  be    
equally out of place to address such a  
request to those of a very low  class2  
but if such an one asks the favor of    
you1 it is proper to receive  it with   
politeness4    ,another not uncommon    
point of propriety to be observed1      
consists in  asking and pointing out the
 different streets4 ,if you have        
occasion for  this service1 you speak   
politely1 and say in a kind tone1       
,madam1 or  ,sir1 where is such a       

street1 if you please8 ,you should be   
careful to  give this title to persons  
whom you address1 even if they should be
  porters or hucksters4 ,it is          
particularly to these that you should   
have  recourse1 for in addressing       
persons passing by1 you are liable to   
meet  those1 who1 as well as yourself1  
are strangers to the neighborhood1 or   
to hinder those who are busy2 it is     
moreover1 impolite1 to trouble          
shopkeepers in their places of business4
 ,the direction being given us1  we     
should thank them1 at the same time     
bowing4 ,parisians are justly           
celebrated for the politeness and       
complaisance with which they show the   
way to passengers1 and you ought to     
imitate them1 every time that  occasion 
offers4 ,if you are a man1 and a lady or
 distinguished person  asks this favor  
of you1 you should take off your hat    
while answering  them4    ,there are    
some ill-mannered and malicious persons1
 who take pleasure in  misleading       

strangers by wrong directions4 ,it will 
be enough to mention  such impertinence 
in order to despise it as we ought4     
,as to those young men who entertain a  
false idea that ,parisian ladies  are   
coquettes or forward in their manners1  
and besides1 that everything  is        
allowable in a large city1 let them be  
assured that a man who dares  7as often 
happens7 to address improper compliments
 to ladies1 to follow  them1 to listen  
to their conversation1 or to finish a   
sentence which  they have begun1 is a   
model of rudeness1 an object of aversion
 to  ladies1 and of contempt to         
gentlemen4 ,a young man of good manners 
ought  not to look at a lady too        
narrowly1 or he will pass for an        
impertinent  fellow1 who1 as the saying 
is1 stares people full in the face1     
7sous le  nez47    ,it is especially    
when there are many persons assembled in
 one place that  these boors play off   
their rude tricks2 to which they give   
the name  hoaxes for the multitude1 at  

first because they are unperceived1 and 
afterwards1 because the least bad among 
them think that the crowd are  out of   
the jurisdiction of propriety4 ,this    
opinion1 which obtains among  some      
persons1 is an error4 ,politeness       
becomes still more indispensable1  in   
proportion to the assemblage4 ,why are  
crowds usually so disagreeable1  and    
even dangerous8 ,it is because they are 
composed of people without  education1  
who rudely push against their neighbors1
 with their fist or  elbow1 who neglect 
to follow the movement of going and     
coming2 who1 on  occasion of the        
slightest collision1 raise loud         
complaints1 and1 by  their lamentations1
 their cries1 and continual trepidation1
 render  insupportable a situation      
which1 without this1 would be but       
troublesome  enough4    ,when we meet1  
in the street1 a person of our          
acquaintance1 we salute  them by bowing 
and uncovering ourselves1 if there is   
occasion4 ,sometimes  it is not enough  

to give a simple salutation1 but we must
 go to the  person and inquire how they 
are1 if we see them frequently4 ,while  
we are  speaking1 if there is occasion1 
and it be a lady1 or an aged and        
respectable man1 we remain uncovered3 it
 is for the latter1 who see how         
troublesome this politeness is in       
winter1 to insist that the person       
addressing them should put on his hat4  
,it also belongs to the person who  is  
the more important of the two1 to take  
leave first4 ,for example1 in a  meeting
 of this kind1 a gentleman never leaves 
a lady until she takes  leave of him2   
nor is a young lady allowed to leave    
first a married or  elderly lady4       
,during this interview1 which should be 
very short1 the  speaker of least       
importance ought to take the lower part 
of the  side-walk1 in order to keep the 
person with whom he is conversing1 from 
the neighborhood of the carriages4 ,it  
would be supremely ridiculous to  enter 
into a long conversation1 and thus      

detain1 against their will1 the  person 
accosted4 ,if we have anything urgent to
 say to them1 we may ask  permission to 
accompany them4 ,we will add1 that at   
,paris1 a young man  ought to avoid     
approaching1 and even saluting a young  
lady of his  acquaintance1 out of regard
 to the natural timidity of her sex4    
,if there is a stranger with the one    
whom we meet1 we must be contented  with
 saluting the latter without stopping1  
otherwise we put his  companion in a    
disagreeable position4 ,this civility   
becomes a rigorous  duty if they are    
accompanied by a lady4 ,ancient         
gallantry required that  in this last   
case1 we not only should not stop1 but  
still more1 that we  should not salute  
an acquaintance1 or friend who may pass2
 this is in  order not to force her     
companion to salute an unknown person   
7for one  should bow every time that the
 person bows with whom we are27 but this
  custom may be modified4 ,if it is a   
friend1 or young man1 one may be        

content with making merely a motion2 but
 if it be an elderly man1 a             
distinguished character1 or a lady1 it  
is necessary to salute them1  saying to 
the companion3 ,i take the liberty to   
salute ,mr4 or ,madam ,n4    ,if a      
person of your acquaintance is at a     
window1 and you are thought to  perceive
 them1 you ought to address a salutation
 to them4 ,but it is  necessary to avoid
 speaking to them from the street1 or of
 making signs  to them1 for this is a   
custom of bad ton4    ,to enter into a  
long conversation with common and low   
people1 who make  their door-step their 
parlor1 is to be almost as ill bred as  
they  themselves are4          ,,chapter
 ,,ii4    ,of different ,kinds of       
,visits4      ,visits are a very        
important part of the social relations2 
they are not  merely the simple means of
 communication established by necessity1
 since  they have at once for their     
object1 duty and pleasure1 and they     
enter  into almost all the acts of life4

    ,there are many kinds of visits1 but
 we shall confine ourselves to the      
principal ones2 as for those which only 
occur under peculiar  circumstances1 the
 reader will find them mentioned in the 
course of this  work4 ,the first are the
 visits on new year's day2 next1 visits 
of  friendship and of ceremony3 we shall
 not speak of visits of business2  what 
we have said in speaking of propriety in
 relation to different  professions1    
will dispense with our entering into new
 details4    ,at the return of each new 
year1 custom and duty require us to     
present  ourselves to our relations     
first2 afterwards to our patrons1 our   
friends1 and those who have done any    
kindness for us4    ,these visits are   
divided into several classes2 those of  
the evening or  afternoon1 which are the
 most polite2 of the morning1 which are 
the  most friendly and respectful2 by   
cards1 and presenting one's-self1 and   
by cards without presenting one's-self2 
visits weekly1 which are  confined to   

acquaintances with whom we have not very
 close relations2  monthly1 which are   
less ceremonious1 but however partake of
 coldness3 it  is at ,paris more than   
any other place1 that these visits are  
permitted2  such calls demand much      
attention to the toilet2 they should be 
as short  as possible2 a visit of       
quarter of an hour is long enough1 and  
we should  be careful to retire when    
other persons come in4    ,we should    
appear ridiculous to wish persons a     
happy new year1 in  ceremonious visits4 
,i shall not mention friendly calls1    
except to remind my readers1 that       
almost all ceremony should be dispensed 
with4 ,they are made at all  hours1     
without preparation1 without dressing2 a
 too brilliant attire  would be out of  
place1 and if the engagements of the day
 carry you in  such a costume at the    
house of a friend1 you ought obligingly 
to make an  explanation4 ,should you not
 find them at home1 do not leave a card2
 such  useless ceremony would astonish  

your friends4 ,merely remind the        
domestics to mention your calling1 and  
do not leave your card1 except  the     
servants are absent2 then the card      
should be rolled up1 and put in  the    
key-hole4 ,it will be well to call again
 soon4    ,with a friend1 or relation   
whom we treat as such1 we do not keep an
  account of our visits4 ,the one who   
has most leisure1 calls upon him who    
has the least2 but this privilege ought 
not to be abused3 it is  necessary to   
make our visits of friendship at        
suitable times4    ,on the contrary1 a  
visit of ceremony should never be made  
without  keeping an account of it1 and  
we should even remember the intervals at
  which they are returned2 for it is    
indispensably necessary to let a        
similar interval elapse4 ,people in this
 way give you notice whether they  wish 
to see you often or seldom4 ,there are  
some persons whom one goes to  see once 
in a month1 others once a fortnight1 c42
 others1 however1 less  frequently4 ,in 

order not to omit visits1 which are to  
be made1 or to  avoid making them from  
misinformation1 when a preceding one has
 not been  returned1 persons who have an
 extensive acquaintance1 will do well to
  keep a little memorandum for this     
purpose4    ,we cannot make ceremonious 
visits in a becoming manner1 if we have 
any  slight indisposition which may for 
the time affect our appearance1 our     
voice--which may embarrass our thoughts1
 and render our company  fatiguing2 such
 for instance as a swelled face1 a cold1
 a slight  headache2 in that case it    
would appear impolite and familiar4 ,on 
the  contrary1 make visits of friendship
 under such circumstances1 and then  you
 will appear more amiable and zealous4  
,to take a suitable time1 is as         
indispensable in visiting1 as in any    
thing else4    ,one can attain this1 by 
remembering the habits of the person he 
is going  to see2 by making your        
arrangements so as not to call at the   
time of  taking meals1 in moments of    

occupation1 and when our friends are    
walking4 ,this time necessarily varies2 
but as a general rule we must  take care
 not to make ceremonious visits1 either 
before the middle of  the day1 or after 
five o'clock4 ,to do otherwise would1 on
 the one hand1  look like importunity1  
by presenting one's-self too early2 and 
on the  other1 might interfere with     
arrangements that had been made for the 
evening4    ,after making one's toilet  
with care1 visiters should furnish      
themselves  with cards1 that is with    
small pieces of card or pasteboard1 upon
 which  their name is printed or well   
written4 ,gentlemen ought simply to put 
their cards in their pocket1 but ladies 
may carry them in a small  elegant      
portfolio1 called a card case4 ,this    
they can hold in their  hand1 and it    
will contribute essentially 7with an    
elegant handkerchief  of embroidered    
battise17 to give them an air of good   
taste4    ,we shall here make a         
digression in relation to cards4 ,it was

 not  considered impolite1 formerly1 to 
take the cards of a cast off pack1 cut  
them crosswise into three parts1 and    
write one's name upon them2 this1       
however1 is now a subject of ridicule1  
and is only seen in provincial  towns1  
where they sometimes also substitute for
 these cards small pieces  of thick     
paper4 ,next to these cards come those  
made of thin pasteboard1  smooth1       
gilt-edged1 watered1 and intended to    
have the name in writing4  ,these are   
suitable for young gentlemen and young  
ladies2 and they answer  for half       
ceremonious visits4 ,after these1 come  
lithographic cards1 then  printed ones1 
and last those which are engraved4 ,some
 cards are figured  in a rich manner1   
presenting every degree of expensive    
elegance4 ,every  one will choose these 
according to his taste2 but it is well  
to observe  that cards ornamented with  
borders1 and those of the color of the  
rose1  and sky blue1 are not suitable   
for men1 nor for ladies of mature years1

  because they have an air of           
over-nicety4    ,the title is usually   
placed under the name1 and1 in large    
cities1 the  address1 at the bottom of  
the card and in smaller letters4        
,mourning  cards are surmounted with a  
black margin1 half mourning ones are of 
a  bright gray4    ,it is bad ton to    
keep the cards you have received around 
the frame of  a looking glass2 such an  
exposure shows that you wish to make a  
display  of the names of distinguished  
visiters4 ,at the beginning of a new    
year1  or when from some cause or other 
which multiplies visiters at your       
house1 7such as a funeral or a          
marriage17 you are obliged to return    
these numerous calls1 it is not amiss to
 preserve the cards in a  convenient    
place1 and save yourself the trouble of 
writing a list2 but  if1 during the     
year1 your glass is always seen         
bristling with  smoke-dried cards1 it   
will be attributed without doubt1 to an 
ill-regulated self-esteem4 ,but let us  

return to our visiters4    ,if the call 
is made in a carriage1 the servant will 
ask if the lady you  wish to see is at  
home4 ,if persons call in a hired       
carriage1 or on foot1  they go          
themselves to ask the servants4         
,servants are considered as  soldiers on
 duty2 if they reply that the person has
 gone out1 we should  by no means urge  
the point1 even if we were certain it   
was not the case2  and if by chance we  
should see the person1 we should appear 
not to have  noticed it1 but leave our  
card and retire4 ,when the servant      
informs us  that the lady or gentleman  
is unwell1 engaged in business1 or      
dining1 we  must act in a similar       
manner4    ,we should leave as many     
cards as there are persons we wish to   
see in the  house2 for example1 one for 
the husband1 another for his wife1      
another  for the aunt1 c4 ,when         
admitted1 we should lay aside our       
over-shoes1  umbrella1 cloak1 c4 in the 
ante-chamber1 even ladies should lay    

aside  their cloaks in the houses of    
distinguished persons4 ,in the          
provincial  towns they commonly keep    
them on4 ,we then are announced by the  
servant1  if it is the custom of the    
house1 or at least we wait until        
7without  announcing us17 he opens the  
door of the apartment4    ,in case of   
the absence of the servants1 you ought  
not to enter  immediately1 but knock    
gently with the finger1 and wait until  
some one  opens the door or bids you    
come in4 ,if he does neither1 you open  
the  door slowly and softly3 should you 
find no one1 do not go about and open   
other doors1 or pass into an inner room1
 but retrace your steps  immediately1   
return to the ante-room1 and remain     
until some one comes to  give you an    
introduction4 ,if you are obliged to    
stay very long1 you can  leave your card
 on a piece of furniture or with the    
porter4 ,this is a  case of rare        
occurrence2 but it is well to provide   
for it1 in order not  to be taken       

unawares4 ,when admitted1 a gentleman   
presents himself with  his hat in his   
hand1 and advancing towards the lady1   
salutes her  gracefully and             
respectfully4 ,as soon as he observes   
the lady is looking  for a seat to offer
 him1 he must lose no time in providing 
one for  himself 7commonly a chair7 this
 he places towards the door by which he 
entered1 and at some distance from the  
lady1 to whom he should leave the  upper
 part of the room4 ,he ought by no means
 to sit1 except she is  seated2 and     
holding his hat upon his knee must not  
balance himself or  sink down in his    
chair1 but preserve an easy1 polite and 
becoming  attitude4 ,it would be        
familiar and bad ton to put down the hat
 or  cane1 before the gentleman1 and    
particularly the lady of the house1 has 
invited you to do it4 ,even then it is  
proper to refuse1 and not to do it      
until asked two or three times4 ,in     
putting down the hat1 we should not  do 
it carelessly1 nor ought we to place it 

on a couch1 for this is  impolite4 ,the 
couch1 which in ancient times was       
regarded as a sanctuary1  ought neither 
to be touched nor approached by a man4  
,it is best to put  the hat on a bracket
 or chandelier stand1 c4 ,the lady of a 
house does  not attempt to take the hats
 of gentlemen1 except she wishes to     
treat  them with familiarity1 and this  
is seldom done in calls of pure         
ceremony4    ,these remarks will apply  
also to ladies4 ,within fifteen years   
past it  has been their custom to lay   
aside their hats and shawls2 but that   
supposes an intimacy1 which would       
authorize their abstaining from it at   
the houses of those with whom they are  
not much acquainted2 and1 if they  are  
invited to lay them aside1 they should  
refuse4 ,the short time  devoted to a   
ceremonious visit1 the necessity of     
consulting a glass in  replacing the    
head-dress1 and of being assisted in    
putting on the shawl1  prevent ladies   
from accepting the invitation to lay    

them aside4 ,if they  are slightly      
familiar with the person they are       
visiting1 and wish to be  more at ease1 
they should ask permission1 which we    
should grant them1 at  the same time    
rising to assist them in taking off     
their hat and shawl4  ,an arm-chair1 or 
a piece of furniture at a distant part  
of the room  should receive these       
articles2 they should not be placed upon
 the couch1  without the mistress of the
 house puts them there4 ,at the house of
 a  person we visit habitually1 we can  
lay them aside without saying a word1   
and a lady can even adjust her hair and 
handkerchief1 7ficher7 before  the      
glass1 provided she occupies only a few 
moments in doing it4    ,if the person  
you call upon is preparing to go out1 or
 to sit down at  table1 you ought1      
although he asks you to remain1 to      
retire as soon as  possible4 ,the person
 visited so unseasonably1 should1 on her
 part1 be  careful to conceal her       
knowledge that the other wishes the     

visit ended  quickly4 ,we should always 
appear delighted to receive a visiter1  
and  should he make a short visit1 we   
must express to him our regret4         
,ceremonious visits should be short2 if 
the conversation ceases without  being  
again continued by the person you have  
come to see1 if she gets up  from her   
seat under any pretext whatever1 custom 
requires you to make  your salutation   
and withdraw4    ,if1 before this tacit 
invitation to retire1 other visiters are
  announced1 you should adroitly leave  
them without saying anything4 ,in  case 
the master of the house1 in waiting upon
 you to the door1 should  ask you to    
remain longer1 you should briefly reply 
to him1 that an  indispensable          
engagement calls you1 and you must      
entreat him with  earnestness not to    
detain you4 ,you should terminate your  
visit by  briskly shutting the door4    
,if1 on entering the room1 you find     
strangers engaged in conversation1      
content yourself with the few words     

which the master or mistress of the     
house shall address to you2 stop only a 
few moments1 make a general  salutation1
 and conduct yourself as in the         
preceding case4 ,when you have  happened
 to meet the strangers elsewhere1 they  
may unite sometimes with  the person you
 are visiting1 to prevent your taking   
leave2 reply in a  polite and flattering
 manner1 but still persist in retiring4 
,if while  you are present1 a letter is 
brought to the person you are visiting1 
and  she should lay it down without     
opening it1 you must entreat her to read
  it2 she will not do it1 and this      
circumstance will warn you to shorten   
your visit4    ,when you make a half    
ceremonious call1 and the person you are
 visiting1  insists upon your stopping1 
it is proper to do so1 but after a few  
minutes you should rise to go3 if you   
are urged still further1 and are  taken 
by the hands and made to sit down as it 
were by force1 to leave  immediately    
would be impolite1 but nevertheless you 

must1 after a short  interval1 get up a 
third time1 and then certainly retire4  
,if1 during  your call1 a member of the 
family enters the room1 you need not on 
this  account take leave1 but content   
yourself by rising1 and saluting the    
person4 ,if a lady1 you must not seat   
yourself until she sits down2 if a      
gentleman1 you can yield to the         
invitation made you to take your seat1  
while the other remains standing4 ,if   
you make a visit with others1 there  are
 some points to be observed in relation 
to your companions4 ,in going  up the   
staircase1 it is rigorously the custom  
to give precedence to  those to whom you
 owe respect1 and to yield to such      
persons the most  convenient part of the
 stairs1 which is that next the wall4   
,above all1  do not forget this last    
caution if you accompany a lady2 and a  
well-bred  gentleman1 at such a time1   
should offer his arm4 ,when there are   
many  persons1 he should bestow this    
mark of respect on the oldest4 ,if you  

meet any one on the staircase1 place    
yourself on the side opposite to  the   
one he occupies4 ,it would be vexatious 
and out of place to make an  everlasting
 ceremony as to who should be announced 
first2 the preference  must be given to 
ladies2 next to them1 to age and rank4  
,the time of  taking leave should be    
also determined by ladies1 or by aged   
persons1  and those who are of          
consequence4 ,it would be impolite to   
wish to retire  before they gave the    
signal4 ,we should add1 that it is      
unsuitable for  more than three or four 
to visit together4 ,persons of high ton 
are  accompanied even to the ante-room  
by one or two servants1 who receive     
them again when going out4    ,to carry 
children or dogs with one on a visit of 
ceremony1 is altogether  vulgar and     
provincial4 ,even in half-ceremonious   
visits1 it is necessary  to leave one's 
dog in the ante-room1 as well as the    
nurse who holds the  infant1 for this   
circumstance alone excuses such a suite4

 ,as to animals1  it is a thousand times
 better not to have them at all4    ,we 
justly reproach inhabitants of the      
province for lavishing salutations  in  
meeting people1 or in taking leave of   
them4 ,this custom1 which may  make us  
contract a reservedness or too much     
familiarity1 is extremely  ridiculous4  
,is it not difficult to keep one's      
countenance1 when we see a  visiter     
salute every article of furniture1 to   
turn and turn again  twenty times as you
 conduct him1 and pour forth at every   
pause a volley  of salutations and      
adieus8 ,our readers will beware of this
 over  politeness2 they will salute the 
first time1 at the moment they take     
leave1 and again1 when the person who   
conducts them back shall have  stopped  
at the door4 ,we have before said that  
when we do not find  persons at home1 or
 when we are afraid of disturbing them1 
we leave a  card2 but this is not what  
we call particularly visits by card     
7visites par cartes74 ,in these last    

visits1 it is not our object to  see the
 persons1 since we do not ask for them1 
and we confine ourselves  to giving our 
card to the porter or domestic4 ,this   
custom1 which has  been introduced      
necessarily among persons of very       
general acquaintance1  and especially at
 times when every one ought to be       
visited1 as on the  new-year's          
day1--this custom so far is not         
ridiculous1 but it becomes so  by the   
great extent which has been given to it 
for some time past4 ,this  extent       
consists in making a visit without      
leaving our apartment2 that is  to say1 
merely by sending our card by a         
domestic1 or indeed by means of  an     
agency established for this purpose4    
,the practice of visits by cards1  seems
 to persons of good society the most    
impertinent and vulgar thing  which can 
be imagined4 ,do not then permit it1    
except when the question  is about      
returning visits made in this way2 and  
do not use such  retaliations1 except to

 prevent these ill-advised visiters from
 thinking  that you put yourself out to 
oblige them4    ,in works devoted to the
 instruction of the laws of propriety1  
we think  only of fortune and affluence2
 we entirely forget people of a more    
modest condition1 and when we find      
ourselves in connexion with them1 we    
cry out against their impoliteness4 ,it 
is an injustice1 and in my  opinion1 a  
false calculation4 ,an injustice1       
because true politeness  pertains less  
to rank1 than to uprightness and        
goodness of heart2 a  false calculation1
 for to refuse to initiate people into  
what renders  the social relations easy 
and agreeable1 is to prepare for        
ourselves  collision and vexation1 and  
to retard as much as is in our power1   
the  practice of the forms of           
civilization4    ,despising then this   
foolish disdain1 we shall applaud the   
great care of  persons not in affluence1
 who1 having neither porter nor         
domestic1 place  at their door a slate  

furnished with a pencil1 that in their  
absence  visiters may write their names2
 for these visiters are seldom such as  
carry cards4 ,we shall applaud the      
benevolent care of persons whose        
staircase is not lighted1 or whose      
apartment is in the upper stories1  and 
who leave with the porter a candle which
 every one who arrives1  takes1 in order
 to ascend1 and returns it again on     
descending4 ,if any  of our rich readers
 should be tempted to smile at the      
announcement of  these precautions of   
the more humble citizens1 we would      
remind them that  they are entirely     
strangers to the spirit of politeness1  
of which these  precautions are a       
striking example4    ,this digression   
naturally leads us to the second part of
 our task  relative to visits1          
concerning the duties which politeness  
imposes as to  receiving them1 for it is
 not less important to receive people   
well1  than to present ourselves well to
 them4    ,before passing to this       

important subject1 it would seem my duty
 to  finish what remains for me to say  
concerning visits1 by the mention of    
visits of audience1 of congratulation1  
of condolence1 and of repast2 but       
except the first1 to which ,i am going  
to devote a few words1 details of  all  
the others will be found in the chapters
 devoted to conversation1 to            
formalities of repasts1 of mourning1 c4 
,we should not merely call upon         
ministers1 heads of the public          
administration1 and very distinguished  
persons2 we must beforehand  request of 
them by writing a place of meeting and  
must specify the  object of our visit4  
,we must call upon them at the appointed
 hour2 we  must abstain from inquiring  
after their health1 and observe strictly
 the  obligations of decorum4 ,these    
visits1 which are the acme of ceremony1 
ought necessarily to be very short4     
,we shall see1 in the chapter on        
,epistolary ,propriety1 what titles are 
proper to be given to these important   

personages4 ,it is well to be  furnished
 with a letter of admission1 that in    
case of necessity we may  show it to the
 servant4          ,,chapter ,,iii4     
,of the ,manner of ,receiving ,visitors4
      ,to receive visitors with ease and
 elegance1 and in such a manner that    
everything in you1 and about you1 shall 
partake of propriety and grace1  to     
endeavor that people may always be      
satisfied when they leave you1 and      
desirous to come again1--such are the   
obligations of the master1 and          
especially of the mistress of a house4  
,everything in the house1 ought1 as far 
as possible1 to offer ,english  comfort1
 and ,french grace4 ,perfect order1     
exquisite neatness and  elegance which  
easily dispenses with being sumptuous1  
ought to mark the  entrance of the      
house1 the furniture and the dress of   
the lady4    ,in a house where affluence
 abounds1 it is indispensable to have a 
drawing-room1 for it is troublesome and 
in bad ton to receive visits  in a      

lodging-room1 at one's own dwelling4    
,this may indeed do for a mere  call2   
but it becomes almost ridiculous when1  
after dinner1 it is  necessary to pass  
into this room to take coffee1 if you   
are receiving a  small company1 c4 ,this
 custom is not any longer adopted1      
except in the  provincial towns and     
among persons who do not pride          
themselves on their  good ton4    ,to   
receive company in a dining-room1 is not
 allowed except among those  persons who
 cannot bear the expense of furnishing a
 parlor or  drawing-room4 ,simplicity1  
admitted into an apartment of this kind1
  suited to the smallness of their      
means1 we cannot but approve1 while we  
regret nevertheless1 the disagreeable   
things to which such a residence        
subjects them4 ,but we have1 in this    
respect1 an express warning to make  to 
people who give themselves up to it     
unnecessarily1 for it is  altogether    
opposed to the received usages of good  
society to put  yourselves in a         

situation which you cannot adorn1 where 
you cannot place  arm-chairs1 a         
chimney-piece1 a glass1 a clock1 and all
 things useful to  persons who come to  
see you2 where you are exposed to       
receiving twenty  visits during dinner2 
of seeing as many interruptions during  
the setting  of your table1 since it is 
impossible to spread the cloth while    
strangers remain2 finally1 of making    
them witnesses of your domestic  cares  
while removing the remains of a repast1 
the table-cloth1  dishes1 c4    ,young  
mothers of families who wish to have    
with them their children1  7troublesome 
guests1 in a drawing-room1 as every one 
knows17 think that  they may remain in  
the dining-room1 and have strangers     
conducted into  an adjacent apartment4  
,that this may not be inconvenient1 it  
is  necessary to observe three things2  
first1 that strangers be admitted  into 
this apartment before seeing the        
mistress of the house1 because  they    
would not fail to create difficulties1  

by saying that they did not  wish to    
disturb her2 second1 that the apartment 
be constantly warmed in  winter2 third1 
that in summer it should be furnished   
precisely as an  occupied chamber1 for  
nothing is worse than to conduct people 
into a  room which seems to be to let4  
,unless from absolute inability1 you    
ought to light your staircase4 ,if  the 
practices of good domestic economy      
regulated by the cares of  civilization1
 were more generally extended1 a        
staircase not lighted  would not often  
be found4    ,after having thus cast a  
rapid glance into the interior of the   
house1  let us see in what manner it is 
necessary to receive visitors4    ,when 
we see any one enter1 whether announced 
or not1 we rise  immediately1 advance   
toward them1 request them to sit down1  
avoiding  however the old form of1      
',take the trouble to be seated4' ,if it
 is a  young man1 we offer him an       
arm-chair1 or a stuffed one2 if an      
elderly  man1 we insist upon his        

accepting the arm-chair2 if a lady1 we  
beg her  to be seated upon the ottoman4 
,if the master of the house receives the
  visitors1 he will take a chair and    
place himself at a little distance  from
 them2 if1 on the contrary1 it is the   
mistress of the house1 and if  she is   
intimate with the lady who visits her1  
she will place herself  near her4 ,if   
several ladies come at a time1 we give  
this last place to  the one most        
distinguished by rank4 ,in winter1 the  
most honorable places  are those at the 
corner of the fire-place2 in proportion 
as they place  you in front of the fire1
 your seat is considered inferior in    
rank4  ,moreover1 when it happens to be 
a respectable married lady1 and one to  
whom we wish to do honor1 we take her by
 the hand and conduct her to the  corner
 of the fire-place4 ,if this place is   
occupied by a young lady1 she  ought to 
rise and offer her seat to the other    
lady1 taking for herself a  chair in the
 middle of the circle4    ,a mistress of

 a house ought to watch anxiously that  
they experience no  restraint before    
her2 consequently1 she will take care to
 present  screens to the ladies seated  
in front of the fire2 she will move     
under  their feet tabourets1 or what is 
better1 pads1 7coussins7 but never      
foot-stoves4 ,if she is alone with an   
intimate acquaintance1 she will  request
 her to take hers1 but she will never   
extend this politeness to a  gentleman4 
,if a door or window happens to be open 
in the room in summer time1 we  should  
ask of visitors1 if it incommodes them4 
,if a lady who receives a half          
ceremonious visit is sewing1 she ought  
to  leave off immediately1 and not      
resume it except at the request of the  
visitor4 ,if they are on quite intimate 
terms1 she ought herself to  request    
permission to continue4 ,if a person    
visits in an entirely  ceremonious way1 
it would be very impolite to work even  
an instant4  ,moreover1 even with       
friends1 we should hardly be occupied   

with our work1  but should seem to      
forget it on their account4    ,in      
proportion as the visitor is a stranger1
 the master or mistress of  the house   
rises1 and any persons who may be       
already there are obliged to  do the    
same4 ,some of them then withdraw2 in   
this case1 if the master and  the       
mistress of the house have with them any
 persons of their family1  after having 
conducted as far as the door those who  
are going1 they  request one of their   
relations to take their place4 ,if the  
case be  otherwise1 it is necessary to  
choose between the persons who remain   
and  those who retire4 ,if the latter   
are superior in rank1 age or            
consideration1 we must give them the    
preference1 and vice versa4 ,but        
however respectable the person be who   
departs1 we may dispense with           
conducting them farther than the door of
 the room4    ,the manner in which we   
should usually re-conduct visitors is   
regulated  in an invariable manner4 ,if 

it is a lady who is to be accompanied1  
the  master of the house takes her hand1
 passes it under his arm1 and thus      
leads her as far as the bottom of the   
staircase1 unless the steps be so       
narrow that two cannot go abreast4 ,it  
is no longer the custom to give  the    
hand to ladies1 but to offer them the   
arm4 ,this new custom does not  at all  
change the ancient rule of propriety    
which requires that in  descending a    
staircase1 we should give the side next 
the wall to the  lady whom we accompany2
 we commonly present to her the right   
arm1  provided however1 that necessity  
does not oblige us1 in order to avoid   
placing her next the balustrade1 to     
offer the left4 ,if she is to return  in
 a carriage1 we should politely hand her
 into it4    ,in the provincial towns1  
they conduct all or almost all visitors1
 as far  as the street door1 unless they
 are gentlemen and have visited a lady4 
,she ought then to accompany them1 as is
 always done in ,paris1 that is to  say1

 as far as the door of the room1 or the 
head of the stairs4  ,parisians add to  
this custom an agreeable civility2 they 
hold the door  open1 and standing upon  
the threshold or edge of the staircase1 
follow  with their eyes the visitor     
until he turns round to make the last   
salutation or adieu1 or to request the  
host to return4    ,we no longer        
practice that frank and open hospitality
 of the provinces1  by virtue of which1 
in the middle of winter1 we request     
people to  refresh themselves with some 
solid eatables4 ,such a proposal would  
now  excite a smile4 ,we do not make any
 such offer to visitors1 but under      
these circumstances4 ,first1 during very
 hot weather1 we invite them to  take a 
glass of syrup1 or of iced water4       
,second1 if any one is reading1  we     
offer him eau sucre1 that is1 the little
 household article to  which we have    
given that name4 ,third1 we offer orange
 flower water to a  lady who happens to 
be suddenly indisposed4 ,excepting these

 cases1 we  make no offer of this kind4 
,if any one wishes to refresh himself1  
he  requests the mistress of the house  
to allow him to ring the bell4 ,after   
assent is given1 he asks of the domestic
 who comes1 whatever he  desires4       
,,chapter ,,iv4    ,of the ,carriage of 
the ,body4      ,the carriage of the    
body seems so simple1 so common1 and so 
easy a  thing1 that undoubtedly on      
seeing this title1 many readers will    
think ,i  design to send them back to   
puerile and plain civility4 ,but if they
  will take the pains to reflect upon   
the numberless violations of  propriety 
in the carriage of the body1 of which   
they are daily  witnesses2 if they will 
call to the mind the many strange       
motions1  ridiculous gestures1          
pretending attitudes1 affected looks1   
and clownish  movements2 if they will   
recollect that the carriage of the body 
ought to  be in perfect harmony with the
 situation1 age1 mind and sex1 and a    
distinguishing trait of the physiognomy2

 if they will consider the  unfavorable 
prejudices to which a disdainful1       
immodest1 or vulgar  deportment give    
rise1 they will understand my anxiety in
 this respect4    ,it is without doubt  
impossible to notice all faults in the  
carriage of  the body4 ,this volume     
would not be sufficient for it2 we must 
be  satisfied therefore with designating
 the principal ones4    ,to look        
steadily at any one1 especially if you  
are a lady and are  speaking to a       
gentleman2 to turn the head frequently  
on one side and the  other during       
conversation2 to balance yourself upon  
your chair2 to bend  forward2 to strike 
your hands upon your knees2 to hold one 
of your knees  between your hands locked
 together2 to cross your legs2 to extend
 your  feet on the andirons2 to admire  
yourself with complacency in a glass2 to
  adjust in an affected manner your     
cravat1 hair1 dress1 handkerchief2 to   
remain without gloves2 to fold carefully
 your shawl1 instead of throwing  it    

with graceful negligence upon a table1  
c42 to fret about a hat which  you have 
just left off2 to laugh immoderately2 to
 place your hand upon  the person with  
whom you are conversing2 to take him by 
the buttons1 the  collar of his coat1   
the cuffs1 the waist1 c42 to seize      
ladies by the  waist1 or to touch their 
person2 to roll the eyes1 or to raise   
them with  affectation2 to take snuff   
from the box of your neighbor1 or to    
offer it  to strangers1 especially to   
ladies2 to play continually with the    
seals  of your watch1 a chain1 or a fan2
 to beat time with the feet and hands2  
to whirl round a chair on one leg2 to   
shake with your feet the chair of  your 
neighbor2 to stroke your face2 rub your 
hands continually2 wink  your eyes2     
shrug up your shoulders2 stamp with your
 feet1 c42--all  these bad habits1 of   
which we ought never to speak to people1
 among  those who are witnesses of them1
 and are in the highest degree          
displeasing4    ,the carriage of the    

body is as expressive as the tone of    
voice1 and  perhaps more so1 because it 
is more constant2 it betrays to the     
observer  all the shades of character1  
and we ought to be very careful of thus 
making a general confession1 by affected
 manners1 a pretending  deportment1     
sneering ways1 rough movements1 a hard  
countenance1  impertinent signs and     
looks1 simpering smiles1 clownish       
gestures1 a  nonchalant and effeminate  
posture1 or a carriage of the body      
distinguished by prudery and stiffness4 
,young ladies1 and very young men little
 habituated to the world1 ought  to be  
on their guard against excessive        
timidity1 for it not only  paralyzes    
their powers1 renders them awkward1 and 
gives them an almost  silly air1 but it 
may even cause them to be accused of    
pride1 among  people who do not know    
that embarrassment frequently takes the 
form of  superciliousness4 ,how often   
does it happen that timid persons do not
  salute you at all1 answer in a low    

voice1 or very ill1 omit a thousand     
little duties of society1 and fail in a 
numberless agreeable attentions1  for   
want of courage8 ,these attentions1 and 
these duties1 they discharge  in petto1 
but who will thank them for it8 ,a      
proper degree of  confidence1 but not   
degenerating into assurance1 still less 
into  boldness or familiarity1 is then  
one of the most desirable qualities in  
the world4 ,to obtain which1 we most    
observe the ton1 and the manners  of    
polite and benevolent people1 take them 
for our guides1 and1 under  their       
direction1 make continual efforts to    
conquer our timidity4    ,propriety in  
the carriage of the body is especially  
indispensable to  ladies4 ,it is by this
 that1 in a walk1 a ball1 or any        
assembly1 people  who cannot converse   
with them1 judge of their merit and     
their good  education4 ,how many dancers
 move off1 and how many persons sigh    
with  pity1 at the sight of a beautiful 
woman who has a mincing way1 affects    

grace1 inclines her head affectedly1 and
 who seems to admire herself            
incessantly1 and to invite others to    
admire her also4 ,who ever makes up  his
 mind to enter into conversation with an
 immovable lady1 and one who  is formal 
and precise1 lengthening out the body1  
pressing the lips1 and  carrying back   
the elbows as if they were fastened to  
her side8    ,the gait of a lady ought  
neither to be too quick nor too slow2   
the most  easy and most convenient step 
is that which fatigues the least and    
pleases most4 ,the body and the head    
should be erect without affectation  and
 without haughtiness2 the movements1    
especially those of the arms1  easy and 
natural4 ,the countenance should be     
pleasant and modest4    ,it is not in   
good ton for a lady to speak too quick  
or too loud4 ,when  seated1 she ought   
neither to cross her legs1 nor take a   
vulgar attitude4  ,she should occupy her
 chair entirely1 and appear neither too 
restless1  nor too immovable4 ,it is    

altogether out of place for her to throw
 her  drapery around her in sitting     
down1 or to spread out her dress for    
display1 as upstarts do in order to     
avoid the least rumple4    ,but what is 
especially insupportable in this sex is1
 an inquiet1 bold1  and imperious air2  
for it is unnatural1 and not allowable  
in any case4  ,if a lady has cares1 let 
her conceal them from the world1 or not 
go into  it4 ,whatever be her merit1 let
 her not forget that she may be a man by
  the superiority of her mind and       
decision of character1 but that         
externally she ought to be a woman6 ,she
 ought to present herself as a  being   
made to please1 to love1 and to seek a  
support2 a being inferior  to man1 and  
near to angels4 ,an affectionate1       
complying1 and almost timid  aspect1 a  
tender solicitude for those who are     
about her1 should be shown  in her whole
 person4 ,her face should breathe hope1 
gentleness and  satisfaction2 dejection1
 anxiety1 and ill-humor should be       

constantly  banished4    ,before leaving
 a subject so fruitful1 ,i shall point  
out to my readers  two examples of a bad
 position4 ,the one is a fashionable    
with his head  stiff1 a borrowed air1   
his leg strained out1 trembling lest he 
should  disarrange the symmetry of his  
cravat1 and lest he should pucker his   
pantaloons1 his sleeve or the collar of 
his coat4    ,the other is an awkward   
person1 with his feet drawn together and
 placed  upon the round of the chair1   
his hands spread out upon his knees1 his
  shoulders sunk1 and his mouth half    
open4 ,between these two caricatures    
there are many degrees which are        
ridiculous1 but which we leave to the   
sagacity of our readers to appreciate4  
,we come now to our instructions  in    
respect to conversation4 ,they are so   
important1 that we think it our  duty to
 divide them into two parts1 namely2    
physical proprieties1 and  moral        
proprieties4          ,,chapter ,v4     
,of ,physical ,proprieties in           

,conversation4      ,this first division
 will comprehend the physical care of   
the organs we  use in conversation1 our 
movements1 the manner of listening1     
pronunciation1 and purity of speech in a
 grammatical view4      ,,section ,i4   
,physical ,observances in ,conversation4
    ,conversation is the principal1 not 
to say the only means of pleasing1  and 
making our way in the world4 ,how does  
it happen then1 that so many  persons   
converse1 without being troubled at the 
ridicule thrown upon  themselves1 and   
the ennui they occasion their hearers2  
without going  into the inquiry1 whether
 they have not some physical qualities  
which  present more or less obstacles to
 the art of conversing well1 or without 
thinking of the means of correcting     
them6    ,we shall point out some faults
 and the means of remedying them4 ,it is
  essential in speaking1 to be well on  
our guard not to protrude the  tongue   
too near the edge of the lips4 ,this bad
 habit has many great  inconveniences3  

it occasions a kind of disagreeable     
hissing1 produced by  the immediate     
contact of this organ as it passes the  
teeth2 and exposes  us to throw out     
saliva4#ac ,when an unfortunate habit or
 too great a  development of the tongue 
produces these accidents1 we should take
 care  to keep this unlucky organ out of
 the way on one side of the gums or the 
other4 ,as to the fault which is        
opposite to this1 that is1 stammering1  
by reason of too small size of the      
tongue1 we should practice when we  are 
alone speaking distinctly4 ,to declaim  
and to exercise ourselves upon  the     
words which present the greatest        
difficulties1 is a useful exercise4     
,there are some persons in whom the     
saliva is so abundant1 that it makes    
their pronunciation thick2 such persons 
should accustom themselves to  swallow  
it before beginning to speak4           
,politeness in accordance with health1  
requires that our teeth should be       
perfectly clean4 ,a yellow and foul set 

of teeth1 which emit an odor1  will not 
suffer any one to be sensible to our    
grace or the eloquence of  our language4
 ,feelings of disgust are without       
appeal4    ,some persons who have fine  
teeth1 have the lamentable fault of     
showing  them in speaking2 this         
ridiculous vanity excites laughter1 and 
besides1  injures the physiognomy3 it is
 not necessary to conceal the teeth to  
the  utmost1 but always without         
affectation4 ,to use a tooth-pick while 
speaking1 to carry the fingers to the   
gums1 to hold a flower between the      
teeth1 are habits of bad ton4    ,to    
open the mouth widely when one speaks1  
especially when making an  exclamation  
of wonder or surprise2 to draw the mouth
 on one side to give  ourselves the air 
of an original2 to contract it1 in order
 to make it  small2 to laugh violently  
in an unmeaning and boisterous manner2  
to  impart to the lips1 trembling and   
convulsive motions when any one  relates
 or reads something sad or terrible2 to 

force our breath into the  face of the  
person we are conversing with--all these
 are shocking  faults1 and insupportable
 grimaces4        #ac ,when this        
accident happens to any one1 you must   
appear not to         perceive it4      
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,gestures4    ,to
 act a pantomine with every word1 cannot
 be tolerated2 extended or  numerous    
gestures1 which do not accord with the  
conversation2 mysterious  signs         
accompanying the announcement of the    
most simple thing2 abrupt  gestures1 in 
friendly conversation2 mincing gestures1
 in serious  conversation2 rapid        
movements of the person1 sitting or     
standing1 and  who seems to be          
performing a sort of a dance--all these 
are equally  great faults against       
propriety and good taste4    ,we should 
not absolutely condemn gestures1 which1 
according to the ,abb  ,delille1 give   
physiognomy to our conversation4        
,moderate action  corresponding to our  
words1 and by turns a little comic1     

lively1 and  graceful1 are allowable1   
and even indispensable4 ,the left hand  
must not  move1 but a significant and   
exact co-operation of the right hand1   
should  never be wanting in             
conversation3 but ,i must censure       
dialogists1 who put  their hand into    
their pockets or work-bags1 who always  
rest them joined  or crossed1 without   
making any gesture4 ,such persons give  
themselves the  air of automatons1      
while1 on the other hand1 excessive     
gesticulators1  have the appearance of  
madmen4    ,those persons who in        
conversing1 violently seize hold of the 
arm of  their chair2 play with little   
objects which come under their hands2   
who  amuse themselves by scratching or  
defacing furniture1 turning their hat   
backwards and forwards1 twisting and    
untwisting the strings of their  bag1 or
 the ends of their cravat1 are1 without 
doubt1 ignorant how much  opposed to    
politeness1 are these degrees of        
familiarity1 childishness  and          

embarrassment4 ,i will briefly add1 that
 those who are witnesses of  all these  
ridiculous actions1 ought never to      
notice them1 unless they  wish to be    
still more ridiculous themselves4       
,,section ,,iii4    ,of the ,talent of  
,listening to ,others4    ,to converse1 
is not to talk continually1 as prattlers
 suppose2 it is to  listen and speak in 
our turn2 we must not acquit ourselves  
the less well  in the one than in the   
other4 ,to do this1 we should attend    
half of the  time to the person who is  
addressing us1 7on this account it is   
impolite  to do any work while talking27
 if they hesitate or are embarrassed1   
you  should appear not to notice it1 and
 in case you are a little acquainted1   
after a few moments1 you should1 in a   
very modest manner1 supply the  word    
which seems to have escaped them4 ,if   
they are interrupted by any  incident1  
when the cause of the interruption shall
 have ceased1 you will  not wait until  
they resume the conversation1 but with a

 smile of  benevolence1 and an engaging 
gesture1 request them to proceed2 please
  to continue2 you were just            
saying8--,if we are obliged in this     
manner1  to palliate any such           
interruption1 much more1 ought we never 
to allow  ourselves to be the cause of  
it4 ,this is so rigorous a rule1 that   
if1  in the warmth of conversation1 two 
persons commence speaking at once1  both
 ought to stop immediately1 when they   
perceive it1 and each1 while  excusing  
themselves1 to decline proceeding4 ,it  
is proper for the one  worthy of the    
most respect to resume the conversation4
    ,if a person shall relate anything  
to you1 who1 without having any         
pleasantry1 makes attempts at it2 and   
without being affecting1 endeavors  to  
move you1 however wearied you may be1   
appear pleased and assume an  air of    
interest4 ,if the narrator wanders into 
long digressions1 have  patience to let 
him extricate himself alone from the    
labyrinth of his  story4 ,if the history

 is interminable1 be resigned1 and do   
not appear  less attentive4 ,this       
condescension is especially to be       
observed1 if you  are listening to an   
elderly or respectable person4 ,if the  
merciless  story-teller is your equal or
 friend1 you may say to him1 in order to
  induce him to finish his narration1   
and finally--    ,novices in the customs
 of the world1 think they can abruptly  
interrupt a  conversation which is      
begun1 by asking to have some incidents1
 which  they have not understood1       
explained1 or by making the person who  
is  telling the story repeat the names2 
this should not be done until after     
some consideration1 and in the most     
polite manner4 ,if the narrator         
pronounces badly2 if you see that other 
hearers are in the same  situation as   
yourself2 if you foresee that for want  
of having followed  him in his          
narration1 you will not be able to reply
 with politeness1 you  can in this case1
 interrupt2 but in some such manner as  

this2 ,i ask  your pardon1 ,sir1 ,i fear
 ,i have lost some part of your         
interesting  conversation1 will you be  
kind enough to repeat it1 c4 ,it is     
necessary  also1 to choose a favorable  
moment1 as for instance1 when the       
narrator  pauses1 hesitates for a word1 
or stops to take his handkerchief4      
,when a person relates to you a plain   
falsehood1 the art of listening  becomes
 embarrassing1 for if you seem to       
believe it1 you would pass for  a fool1 
and if you appear to doubt it1 you will 
pass for an uncivil  person4 ,an air of 
coldness1 a slight attention1 an        
expression like the  following1 ,that is
 astonishing1 will extricate you        
honorably from your  embarrassment2 but 
when an event is narrated which is only 
extraordinary1 or not improbable1 your  
manner should be otherwise4 ,your       
countenance should express astonishment1
 and you should reply by a  phrase of   
this kind2 ,if ,i did not know your     
strict regard for the  truth1 or if any 

person but you had told me this1 ,i     
should have hardly  believed it4 ,under 
no circumstances should you interrupt   
him4    ,it happens sometimes that you  
foresee some incident in an interesting 
story2 and the pleasure that you find in
 this2 the desire of showing  that you  
have guessed correctly1 and the         
intention of proving how much  you are  
interested1 induce you to interrupt     
suddenly in this manner1 ,i  see it1 it 
is so1 exactly4 ,an interruption of this
 kind1 although well  meant and natural1
 will offend old persons1 who like to   
tell a story at  full length1 and will  
confound formal narrators1 who will be  
in despair  that a phrase is taken from 
them which they had intended for effect2
  these interruptions are only allowable
 among our intimate friends1 or         
inferiors1 for otherwise you will have  
an ill-humored answer to your ,i  see   
it1 c4 as with a triumphant air1 egad1  
but you can't see it1 c4  which is      
always embarrassing4    ,the worst kind 

of interruption of all others1 is that  
which hauteur  dictates4 ,a clever      
person seizing hold of a story which    
another is  telling1 and with the       
intention of making it more lively1     
becomes1  notwithstanding his eloquence1
 a model of impertinence and vulgarity4 
,it is1 doubtless1 hard to see a fool   
spoil a good anecdote1 of which he      
might have made something interesting2  
but if we should not be  restrained by  
politeness from expressing our feelings1
 we ought to be by  interest4 ,now      
hearers of delicacy will remain silent  
to the conclusion  of the recital1 and  
will address themselves with good       
feelings to the  poor narrator who is   
injured in his rights4    ,interruption 
is pardonable if it is made to prove or 
clear up a fact in  favor of a person   
who is absent4 ,when they accuse you1   
you can1  according to strict rules1    
interrupt by an exclamation1 but it is  
better  to do it by a gesture4    ,there
 is often much art and grace in         

listening1 while you gesticulate        
gently2 for example1 by counting upon   
the fingers2 by making a gesture  of    
surprise2 by a motion of assent1 or an  
exclamation4 ,this is a tacit  manner of
 saying1 ah1 ,i recollect1 you are      
right1 and charms the  narrator without 
interrupting him4    ,in a lively1      
animated and friendly dialogue1 we can  
interrupt each other  by turns1 in order
 to finish a sentence which is begun1 or
 to improve an  epithet2 this           
contributes to vivacity in discourse1   
but it ought not1  however1 to be too   
often repeated4    ,there are many      
shoals to be avoided in listening1 and  
which always  betray inexperience in    
society4 ,to say from time to time to   
the  narrator1 ,yes1 yes1 by nodding the
 head1 making motions with the hand1  a 
custom of old persons1 and which is a   
good representation of a  pendulum2 to  
keep the eyes fixed and the mouth gaping
 open2 to have an  air of an absent     
person or of one in a reverie2 to point 

the finger at  persons designated by the
 narrator2 to gape without concealing by
 the  hand or the handkerchief1 which is
 by no means flattering to the  speaker2
 to cast your eye frequently towards the
 clock--all these habits  are offences  
against good ton4      ,,section ,,iv4  
,of ,pronunciation4    ,pronunciation is
 still more indispensable in            
conversation than  elocution2 for indeed
 before selecting our expressions1 we   
must make  them understood1 and one can 
do this but imperfectly if he pronounces
  badly4 ,from this fault arise forced  
repetitions1 the loss of what is        
appropriate1 fatigue1 disgust1 the      
impatience of the two persons  speaking1
 and in fine1 all the sad results of    
deafness4 ,should we not  use every     
effort to rid ourselves of this8    ,the
 first1 the greatest impediment to      
pronouncing well1 is volubility4  ,by   
speaking too fast1 we speak confusedly1 
and utter inarticulate and              
unintelligible sounds1 and this1 without

 dispute1 is of all the faults  in      
pronunciation1 the most insupportable4  
,we know very well1 that to  speak too  
slowly1 and as they say1 to listen to   
our own words1 is a  caprice which seems
 to denote pride or nonchalance2 and    
that in certain  cases it is necessary  
to speak quickly2 but we ought never to 
speak  precipitately1 even on subjects  
which require us to be brief4 ,besides  
the physical inconvenience1             
indistinctness has other moral          
inconveniences3 it supposes             
heedlessness1 loquacity1 or foolishness4
    ,next comes hesitancy1 which is     
little less troublesome1 for it fills   
the  conversation with ridiculous and   
painful efforts4 ,this defect which is  
sometimes owing to the organization1    
happens still more frequently from      
neglecting to think before we speak1    
from timidity1 from some lively  emotion
 which obliges us to stammer1 or from a 
formal anxiety to make  use of select   
terms4 ,this last motive is almost an   

excess4 ,with the  intention of pleasing
 persons1 you weary them by repetitions1
 by  far-fetched mincing words1 and in  
order to appear clever1 you render      
yourself excessively annoying4    ,the  
habits acquired in childhood and in     
small towns1 and a provincial  accent1  
are frequently obstacles to good        
pronunciation2 let us instance  some    
examples of this4 ,it is not uncommon to
 hear1 even among those who  are        
considered as correct speakers1 in      
general1 such a misuse of words  as the 
following3 ,me for ,i1 ,miss for ,mrs41 
set for sit1 sat  out for set out1      
expect1 7of a passed event27 lay for    
lie1  shew for showed1 would for should1
 hadn't ought for ought  not1 c4 ,as to 
accent1 each province has its           
peculiarities4 ,to  discover it1 to shun
 it1 and to modify it by an opposite    
effort1 are the  means of avoiding these
 shoals2 but however ridiculous we may  
appear in  running upon them            
continually1 we are a hundred times less

 so than those  people who1 like true   
pedagogues1 stop you in the midst of an 
affecting  recital1 to repeat with a    
sardonic smile1 a vulgar phrase1 a word 
badly  pronounced1 or a wrong accent    
which happens to escape you4    ,not    
only among persons of good society1     
should we condemn pedantry in           
pronunciation1 but we ought1 moreover1  
with ,rousseau1 to blame  over-nicety of
 pronunciation or purism4 ,he could not 
tolerate 7and  many others like him17   
those people so particular in sounding  
every  letter of a word4#ad    ,besides 
a general accent1 there is also a       
particular accent1 which gives  a shade 
to the words1 when we express a         
sentiment4 ,we feel all its  delicacy   
and its charm1 but we feel also that it 
ought to be in perfect  harmony with the
 language2 that it ought to be free from
 all  affectation1 and all exaggeration4
 ,to utter hard things in a tone of     
mildness2 to display in a humble voice  
proud pretensions2 to open a  political 

discussion in a caressing tone2 to      
recount an affair of  pleasantry with a 
melancholy accent1--is ridiculous in the
 highest  degree4 ,it is no less so1 to 
force the accent1 to pervert it into    
irony2  or to introduce into discourse1 
a sort of declamation or tone4    ,we   
cannot judge by the accent of a person  
who speaks too high or too  low1 but we 
decide1 in the first case1 that he is   
vulgar1 and in the  second1 that he is  
disdainful4        #ad ,the examples in 
the original1 are the final letters of  
the words1         tabac1 sang1 estomac4
 ,in ,english1 some persons are as      
scrupulous in the distinct pronunciation
 of every letter in such         words  
as extra-ordinary1 ,wed-nes-day1 c4--,t4
      ,,section ,v4    ,of ,correctness 
in ,speaking4    ',surtout qu'en vos    
discours la langue rvre4'    ,in        
addressing this advice to readers1 we   
shall beware of considering  them as    
strangers to the rules of grammar2 it is
 so shameful at the  present day to be  

ignorant of one's own language1 that it 
would not be  less so1 to suspect others
 of not knowing it2 but although we may 
not be  deprived of this indispensable  
knowledge1 it is still necessary        
carefully to beware of contracting bad  
habits in language2 of using bad        
phrases1 and even of using terms of     
which we know not the import2 a  little 
study and attention will afford a       
certain remedy to the  embarrassment    
which we might experience4    ,young    
people cannot too much guard against    
these faults1 which show an  education  
that has been little attended to4 ,they 
will arrive at it by  studying a good   
grammarian1 and by paying attention to  
the sense of  their words4    ,if1 in   
the silence of the study1 we have much  
trouble in rendering  correctly a long  
sentence1 how must it be in the world1  
when the  earnestness of conversation   
prevents us from reflecting8 ,to make   
long  phrases1 is to be willing to make 
mistakes in language2 and if we take    

time to present these interminable      
sentences in a correct form1 we only    
appear the more clumsy1 or the more     
pretending1 for conversation ought      
never to seem labored1 and the          
expression and the thoughts ought to be 
of a simultaneous casting4    ,avoid the
 pronouns who1 which1 particularly when 
they are  interrogatives2 for although  
the grammar does not absolutely condemn 
their frequency1 yet as it is useless   
and disagreeable to the ear1 we  should 
endeavor to avoid it4 ,thus1 instead of 
who is it who did such a  thing8--what  
is this thing that is here8 say1 who did
 such a  thing8--what is this thing8    
,persons who are careful of their       
conversation1 avoid1 as faults of       
language1 expressions which certainly do
 not deserve this title1 but  which     
injure the clearness1 elegance1 and     
harmony of conversation4 ,thus  they    
will abstain from uniting those words   
which1 being in conflict as  to their   
meaning and pronunciation1 make an      

ambiguity1 except when  written4 ,they  
carefully beware of accumulating        
synonymes and epithets  profusely1 or at
 least1 of forgetting with regard to    
these last1 the  laws of gradation2 of  
multiplying adverbs1 which burden and   
weaken  discourse2 they pay great       
attention to the requirements of        
euphony1 and1  in order to this1 avoid  
bringing near to each other1 words of   
similar  sound1 and of repeating similar
 words even of the same meaning1 such as
  at present we offer a present1 it does
 a good deal of good4    ,these         
scrupulous and privileged talkers are   
particularly careful of the  connecting 
particles1 for they know how much their 
omission injures  euphony2 how it causes
 persons who are little charitable1 to  
believe  that it is a covering1 under   
which are adroitly concealed doubt or   
ignorance1 and this opinion is not      
always a prejudice4    ,i had forgotten 
to say that our skilful talkers endeavor
 not to furnish1  by fortuitous         

coincidences of words1 opportunities for
 puns2 that in the  mode of their       
conversation1 they avoid rhymes so      
unfortunate and even  ridiculous in     
prose2 that they dread repetitions of   
phrases1 and axioms1  as the repetitions
 of words2 that by short and judicious  
pauses1 they  mark the punctuation in   
the spoken as in the written language2  
finally1  that they endeavor to render  
their conversation clear1 correct and   
elegant2 but these talking-models would 
be in less danger of defeating  their   
object1 if they had less of the precise 
air of a pedagogue4 ,so far  from this1 
if a grammatical error escapes them1    
they quickly correct it1  but with ease 
and gaiety4 ,if they hear a gross       
grammatical error1 they  do not allow   
themselves even a smile1 or a look which
 could indicate  their feeling1 or      
trouble the one guilty of the error4    
,,chapter ,,vi4    ,of the ,moral       
,observances in ,conversation4          
,goodness1 moderation and decorum--these

 are the motto and the soul of  moral   
propriety in conversation4    ,a        
solicitude to be always agreeable and   
obliging2 of observing a proper  medium 
in everything2 of respecting the rights 
of others1 even in the  most trifling   
things2 susceptibility for every thing  
which is connected  with delicacy1      
piety1 and modesty--all these qualities 
which belong to  politeness1 are        
included in these expressive words2     
goodness1  moderation1 decorum4         
,,section ,i4    ,of ,formal and ,vulgar
 ,usages4    ,in the first rank of      
customary formalities1 we place those   
concerning  information about the       
health4 ,we shall1 necessarily1 have    
little to say  on this head2 there are1 
however1 some little rules which are not
 to be  neglected4    ,it is proper to  
vary the phraseology of these formal    
questions1 as much  as possible2 and we 
must abstain from them entirely1 towards
 a superior1  or a person with whom we  
are but little acquainted1 for such     

inquiries  presuppose some degree of    
intimacy4 ,in the last case1 there is a 
method  of manifesting our interest1    
without violating etiquette2 it consists
 in  making these inquiries of the      
domestics1 or of other persons of the   
house1 and of saying afterwards when    
introduced2 ',i am happy ,sir1 to  hear 
that you are in good health4'    ,custom
 forbids a lady to make these inquiries 
of a gentleman1 unless he  is ill or    
very aged4 ,to put a corrective upon    
this mark of regard1 a  lady who        
addresses a gentleman1 should be earnest
 in her inquiries of  the health of his 
family1 however little intimacy she may 
have with  them4 ,many persons ask this 
question mechanically1 without waiting  
for  the answer1 or else hasten to      
reply1 before they have received it4    
,this  is in bad ton4 ,inquiries about  
the health1 it is true1 are frequently  
unimportant1 but they should appear to  
be dictated by attention and  kindness4 
,we must not however be deceived1 but be

 careful not to mention  a slight       
indisposition to persons who are        
strangers to us1 because  their interest
 can be only formal4    ,after we are   
informed of the health of the person we 
are visiting1 it is  proper to inquire  
of them in relation to the health of    
their families2  but it would be        
wearisome to them1 to make a long       
enumeration of the  members who compose 
the family4 ,we can put a general       
question1  designating the most         
important members4 ,in case of the      
absence of near  relations1 we ask the  
person we are visiting1 if they have    
heard from  them lately1 if the news is 
favorable4 ,they1 on their part1 ask the
 same  of us4    ,when you are not on   
visits of great ceremony1 at the time of
 taking  leave1 you are commonly desired
 to give the compliments and salutations
  of the persons you are visiting to    
those with whom you live1 then you      
should reply briefly1 but give them     
assurances of your regard1 and thank    

them4    ,politeness infuses into visits
 of some little ceremony1 a coloring of 
modesty1 grace1 and deference1 which    
should be preserved with the  greatest  
care4    ,in speaking1 it is always     
proper to give the name of ,sir1 ,madam1
 or  ,miss1 and if the sentence is      
somewhat long1 the title ought to be    
repeated4 ,if the question is with      
regard to answering in the affirmative  
or negative1 we ought never to say      
roughly yes or no4    ,if the person    
addressed has a title1 or that which he 
has from his  profession1 we should give
 it him1 as ,count1 ,doctor1 c4 ,in case
 we  meet with many persons of the same 
profession1 we can then distinguish     
them1 adding their name to the title4   
,a lady will not say1 my husband1 except
 among intimates2 in every other  case1 
she should address him by his name1     
calling him ,mr4 ,it is  equally good   
ton that except on occasions of         
ceremony1 and while she  is quite young1
 to designate him by his christian name4

    ,but when one speaks to a gentleman 
of the lady to whom he is married1 he   
should not say your wife1 unless he is  
intimately acquainted1 but  ,mrs4       
such-a-one1 is the most proper4 ,the    
rules of politeness in this  respect1   
are the same in speaking of the husband4
    ,when we speak of ourself and       
another person1 whether he is absent or 
present1 propriety requires us to       
mention ourselves last4 ,thus we should 
say he and ,i1 you and ,i4    ,when you 
relate a personal occurrence1 the       
circumstances connected with  which are 
honorable to yourself1 and a            
distinguished person had also a  share  
in the honor1 you should only mention   
him1 and instead of the  plural form1 we
 resolved1 we did such a thing1 you     
should forget  yourself1 and say1 ,mr4  
,n4 resolved1 or did such a thing so and
 so4  ,delicacy will dictate this degree
 of modesty to you1 and your superior   
in his turn will proclaim at his own    
expense1 your merit on the  occasion4   

,we know that the word false is not to  
be found in the dictionary of           
politeness1 and that when we are obliged
 to deny the assertion of any  one1 we  
employ apologetical forms4 ,the most    
proper ones are such as the  following3 
,i may be mistaken1 ,i am undoubtedly   
mistaken1 but1444 ,be  so good as to    
excuse my mistake1 but it seems to      
me1444 ,i ask pardon1  but ,i thought1  
c4 ,those persons are but ill-bred1 who 
think to soften  down a denial merely by
 expressions of doubt4 ,they say1 if    
what you  advance is true1 if what madam
 says is positive1 c4 ,with these       
forms1 they think they comply with the  
rules of politeness4 ,it is  incivility 
with affectation4    ,however persons   
may say invidiously that forms avail    
much in the world1  ,i agree with them1 
but in quite another sense4    ,we      
should never ask a thing of any one     
without saying1 will you have  the      
goodness1 will you do me the favor1 will
 you be so good1 c4    ,in a circle1 we 

should not pass before a lady2 and      
should never present  any thing by      
extending the arm over her1 but we pass 
round behind1 and  present it4 ,in case 
we cannot do it1 we say1 ,i ask your    
pardon1 c4  ,to a question which we do  
not fully comprehend1 we never answer1  
,ha8  ,what8 but1 ,be so good as1 c4    
,pardon me1 ,i did not understand4      
,never refuse with disdain a pinch of   
snuff1 and rather than disoblige        
people1 take one1 even if you throw it  
away1 after having pretended to  take   
it4 ,beware of presenting to ladies1 in 
balls or assemblies1 a box  of sweet    
things1 under penalty of having the air 
of a caricature4    ,if you strike      
against any one in the least1 ask pardon
 for it  immediately4 ,the other should 
at the same time answer you1 ,it is     
nothing1 nothing at all1 c41 even if the
 blow should have been  violent4    ,it 
is customary to employ the few moments  
of a visit of mere politeness1  in      
looking at the portraits which adorn the

 fireplace1 and even taking  them down1 
if you are invited to do it4 ,it would  
be the extreme of  impoliteness1 to say 
that they were flattered1 or to pretend 
to  recognize in the portrait of a young
 lady1 the likeness of an elderly  lady1
 or of one less favored by nature4 ,it  
would moreover be improper to  make long
 compliments2 indirect1 and ingenious   
praise1 is all that is  proper4         
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,questions1 and  
frequently recurring ,expressions4      
,it is an axiom of propriety that we    
should never speak of ourselves1        
7except to intimate friends7 and that we
 should converse with strangers  about  
themselves1 and everything which can    
interest them4 ,questions are  therefore
 necessary1 but they demand infinite    
delicacy and tact1 in  order neither to 
fatigue nor ever wound the feelings4    
,if1 instead of  expressing a mild and  
heartfelt interest1 you ask a dry       
question  dictated by a cold curiosity2 
if you seem to pay no attention to the  

answers which you call forth2 if you    
mal-adroitly take a commanding  tone2 if
 you prolong without bounds this kind of
 conversation2 if1  perceiving that you 
are embarrassed1 and that you endeavor  
to save  yourself by an evasive answer1 
instead of keeping silence1 you witness 
the foolish regrets of your             
indiscretion2 be assured that both your 
questions and yourself will be          
considered as a torment4    ,madame     
,necker ingeniously observes that these 
favorite and frequently  repeated terms 
with which we fill our conversation1    
serve1 ordinarily as  a mark of people's
 character4 ',thus1' says she1 'those   
who exceed the  truth are in the habit  
of saying1 ,you may rely upon it1 it is 
the  truth2 long talkers say1 ,in a     
word1 to be brief2 and the proud say1   
,without boasting1' c4 ,this striking   
observation is well founded1 and        
consequently we ought to take good care 
not to let people into the  secret of   
our peculiarities4    ,but1             

independently of this motive1 it is     
necessary for us carefully to  avoid    
frequently recurring words1 as in time1 
habit multiplies them to  an            
inconceivable degree4 ,they embarrass   
and overwhelm our conversation1  turn   
away the attention of those who listen  
to us1 and render us  importunate1 and  
ridiculous1 without our being able to   
perceive it4    ,if habitual terms1     
which on no other account are           
reprehensible1 can  become so           
troublesome1 what results may these     
trite phrases1 trivial  expressions1 and
 vulgar transitions produce1 when they  
become frequent6      ,,section ,,iii4  
,of ,narrations1 ,analysis1 and         
,digressions4    ,there are many        
conditions indispensable to the success 
of a narrative4  ,these conditions are1 
first1 novelty2 the best stories weary  
when they  are multiplied too much1     
because every one wishes to be an actor 
in his  turn upon the stage of the      
world4 ,so that1 when you have anything 

excellent to relate1 consult less your  
own desire to tell it1 than the  wishes 
of others to hear you4 ,there are but   
too many people who discover  the secret
 of wearying while telling very good    
things1 on account of  their too great  
eagerness to tell them4    ,the next    
thing is to take a suitable opportunity4
 ,let your narration  spring naturally  
from the conversation2 let it explain a 
fact1 or come  in support of an opinion1
 but let it never appear to be          
introduced by  the foolish pleasure of  
talking1 or by a not less foolish desire
 of  making a display of talent4        
,remember that the most meagre recitals1
 when  they are propos1 frequently      
please more than the best things in the 
world1 when they are said out of time4  
,and even endeavoring to  monopolize the
 conversation is in bad ton1            
particularly for young  persons and     
ladies1 especially if it is but a few   
moments since they  occupied the        
attention of the company4 ,it is an     

agreeable and modest  mark of propriety 
to request some one to relate an        
anecdote of the day1  of which you have 
made mention1 and the circumstances of  
which you  desire to know4 ,this is well
 suited to persons of distinguished     
talents4  ,the person called upon1 bows 
and excuses himself with a few words    
before acceding to your request4    ,it 
is of all importance that the language  
correspond to the different  forms which
 the narration requires2 that1 under    
pretext of adorning our  story1 we do   
not wander into far-fetched comparisons1
 dull details1 or  interminable         
dialogues2 that if we relate anything   
amusing or striking1  we should observe 
the utmost seriousness1 and finally1    
before commencing  a recital of this    
kind1 we keep in mind these lines of    
,lafontaine2      ,il ne faut jamais    
dire aux gens1      ,ecoutez un bon mot1
 oyez une merveille1    ,savez-vous si  
les coutans      ,en feront une estime  
la vtre pareille8    ,when1 for want of 

observing this1 as well as many other   
similar rules1  narrators fail of the   
expected effect1 and think to be able to
 tell it  over again1 and remarking on  
the comic part of the story1 and        
laboring  to repeat it thus2--,do you   
not think this excellent1 wonderful8    
,alas6  they only add to their own      
defeat1 and to the ennui of their poor  
hearers4    ,if one relates an anecdote 
which you already know1 permit him to   
finish  it1 and do not in any way draw  
off the attention of those who are      
listening4 ,if your opinion is asked1   
give it frankly1 and without  wishing to
 appear better informed than the        
narrator himself4 ,still  farther2 if   
you happen to be in tte--tte with the   
same narrator1  observe the same        
silence1 and listen with an air of      
interest1 and if he  happens to impart  
to you what he related the preceding    
day1 which he had  from you yourself1   
you should appear to listen with equal  
interest1 as  if for the first time4    

,frequently1 in the midst of a recital1 
the  narrator1 through forgetfulness1   
hesitates1 and thinks that he can       
recall it4 ,look at him attentively4 ,if
 he is in doubt1 declare that you  are  
altogether ignorant of the subject in   
question4 ,if his memory  returns1      
request him to continue1 at the same    
time saying2 ,i listen to  you always   
with new pleasure4 ,this delicate       
politeness is particularly  to be       
observed towards old persons4    ,when  
your narrations have had success1 keep a
 modest countenance2 leave  others to   
point out the striking parts which have 
pleased them4 ,the  surest means of not 
having the approbation of others1 in    
actions as well  as other things1 is to 
solicit it1 whether it be by looks1 or  
by words4    ,as every hearer is obliged
 to listen or understand without        
objecting1  the consequence is1 that we 
should feel our ground before speaking1 
and ask if such or such a thing is known
 to the company4 ,when a story  has been

 published in the newspapers1 so that it
 is not entirely new1  or seems borrowed
 from a compilation of anas1 if we      
attribute it to  some person of our     
acquaintance1 7of course one that is    
absent17 an  ineffable ridicule very    
properly stigmatizes the narrator4      
,we come now to what seems to me the    
most difficult part of conversation1    
and if you are not sure of being able to
 class your ideas with  regularity1 to  
express them with much clearness1 and an
 easy elegance1  do not have the        
temerity to wish to analyze a book1 or a
 dramatic piece4  ,you would be laying  
up for yourself a rude mortification1   
which would  have an unfavorable        
influence on your entre into society4   
,you would be  wrong1 however1 in       
concluding1 that ,i condemn you to      
perpetual silence2  ,i only wish to     
inspire you with a salutary diffidence1 
in order to  preserve you from such a   
rude check1 and to put it in your power 
some  future day to answer1 in this     

particular1 the wishes of a             
distinguished  and brilliant assembly4  
,begin by putting down upon paper a     
hasty sketch of a short piece1 as for   
instance a vaudeville1 or a little      
comedy4 ,you will do this until1  being 
sure of the manner in which you would   
embrace the ensemble1 and  dispose of   
the details1 you can produce it without 
embarrassment4 ,when  arrived at this   
point1 abstain from these kinds of      
analysis1 which  though indeed more     
correct1 seem labored4 ,they have       
besides less  freedom1 appropriateness1 
and grace4    ,know this1 and remember  
it well1 that every other preparation   
than  thinking what you are about to    
say1 will make you acquire two          
intolerable faults1 affectation and     
stiffness4    ,to conclude1 ,i give this
 advice only to those persons who1 by a 
quick  and penetrating perception1 by a 
love of the fine arts1 and by a         
peculiar readiness1 find themselves able
 to speak properly of literary          

productions4    ,those who are less     
engaged in these things1 should content 
themselves  with simply and briefly     
explaining a subject1 and of mentioning 
the  emotion they felt2 with speaking of
 some brilliant passage1 and adding     
that they do not pretend to pronounce   
judgment4    ,the first degree of       
digression is the parenthesis2 provided 
it is short1  natural1 and seldom       
repeated2 and that you take care to     
announce it  always2 and finally1 in    
order not to abuse it1 you should make a
 skilful  use of it4 ,the second degree 
of digression becomes more nice1 for it 
includes those accessory reflections1   
those common but agreeable and          
well-settled expressions2 those general 
or particular allusions1 which  are only
 to be used with a peculiar emphasis1   
which is to language what  the italic   
character is to printing4 ,this method  
of speaking in italics  may be striking 
and artless2 but it often becomes       
obscure and trivial2  the habit is      

dangerous1 and one should use this      
difficult digression  only before       
intimate friends4    ,we now come to the
 third degree1 to what is properly      
called digression2  most frequently it  
is involuntary4 ,often in a lively and  
animated  dialogue1 the impetus of      
conversation carries you1 as well as the
 person  with whom you are conversing1  
far from the point from which you       
started4  ,if it is a question of       
pleasure or interest1 return to your    
point by  employing a polite turn1 as1  
,pray let us not lose sight of our      
business4 ,but if it is an affair of    
nothings succeeding nothings1 let  it   
flow on4    ,voluntary digression1 when 
it is not a mere work of loquacity1 may 
be  employed in serious discourse1 as   
political1 philosophical1 or moral      
discussions2 but it is important to     
treat it with infinite reserve1 and     
care1 and never to introduce a personal 
apology1 or a domestic incident1        
altogether out of place1 as those       

persons do1 who1 in narrating any  event
 relative to an individual1 recount his 
life1 their connexion with  him1 or his 
whole family1 and make the event of an  
hour remind us of  ages4    ,lawyers1   
literary people1 military men1          
travellers1 invalids and aged  ladies1  
ought to have a prudent and continual   
distrust of the abuse of  digressions4  
,,section ,,iv4    ,of ,suppositions and
 ,comparisons4    ,the two shoals to be 
avoided in this form of language are    
directly  opposed to each other2 the one
 is triviality1 the other bombast4      
,the object of supposition1 which is    
already antiquated1 and sometimes  too  
simple1 is to increase the force of     
reasoning1 and to carry  conviction to  
the mind of the person who listens to   
you2 comparison  tends to make an image1
 or to place before us the object       
described4 ,when  both these qualities  
are regulated by reason1 use1 and taste1
 it is very  well2 but how seldom is    
this the case6    ,they are not so used1

 if1 in the course of a discussion1 you 
suppose a  respectable person to supply 
the place of a madman1 an ill-bred      
person1  or a robber2 or1 if you suppose
 him to be in a situation disgraceful or
  even ridiculous4 ,as1 for example2 ,if
 you had been this bad person2 or1      
,suppose1 that you had committed this   
base act2 or1 that you should be        
laughed at1 c4    ,they are also        
misplaced1 whenever1 being satisfied    
with avoiding  disagreeable comparisons1
 we endeavor to mark out some one as    
contemptible1 by comparing his exterior 
with that of some other person  in the  
company4 ,when we say2 ,this unfortunate
 man is of your size1 sir2  he has your 
traits1 your physiognomy1 c4    ,they   
are also misplaced1 if used in the      
presence of people of a  profession upon
 which the injurious comparisons fall1  
as when we say2  ,as quackish as a      
doctor2 greedy as an attorney2          
loquacious as a  lawyer1 c4    ,finally1
 politeness and taste cannot at all     

exist in comparisons1 if  they are      
common or trivial1 as when we say1 black
 as the chimney-back1  high as one's    
hand1 c42 or1 if they are in a turgid   
and pretending  style1 such as1 learned 
as the ,muses1 fresh as the meadows1 c4 
,,section ,v4    ,of ,discussions and   
,quotations4    ,whatever be the subject
 of conversation1 propose your opinion  
with  modesty2 defend it with sangfroid 
and a mild tone if you are opposed2     
yield with a good grace if you are      
wrong2 yield also1 although you are  in 
the right1 if the subject of discussion 
is of little importance1 and  especially
 if the one who opposes you is a lady1  
or an old person4  ,moreover1 if love of
 truth or the desire of affording       
instruction force  you to enter into a  
discussion1 do it with address and      
politeness4 ,if  you do not bring over  
your opponent to your own opinion1 you  
will at  least gain his esteem4    ,but 
if you have to do with one of those     
people who1 possessed with a  mania of  

discussion1 commence by contradicting   
before they hear1 and who  are always   
ready to sustain the contrary opinion1  
yield to him2 you will  have nothing to 
gain with him4 ,be assured that the     
spirit of  contradiction can be         
conquered only by silence4    ,the      
insupportable pedantry of a cloud of    
quoters1 without tact or  talent1 has   
justly1 for a long time1 thrown         
quotations into disrepute2  but if they 
are well chosen1 few1 and short2 if they
 are -propos1        ,qui fuit comme le 
temps1 qui plat comme les grces2    if  
they are altogether new1 and wielded by 
a person possessed of  modesty1         
elegance1 and taste1 having a perfect   
knowledge of the world1  quotations have
 much success and charm2 but without    
these conditions1  there is little      
safety2 and in this matter there can be 
no mediocrity2  you will either be a    
good model1 or an insupportable pedant4 
,consider if  you will rashly run this  
chance1 especially on making your dbut  

in  society1 when young persons ought so
 carefully to avoid making a parade  of 
a vain college erudition1 and not seek  
the reputation of a savant by  employing
 words borrowed from foreign languages1 
or scientific terms  unknown in good    
society4      ,,section ,,vi4    ,of    
,pleasantry1 ,proverbs1 ,puns1 and ,bon 
,mots4    ,if society is not a school   
for exercising pedantry1 neither is it  
an  arena for the use of those          
perversely clever people1 who think     
themselves furnished with a patent to   
insult with grace4 ,whatever may be  the
 keenness of their sarcasms1 the        
piquancy of their observations1 or  the 
smile which they excite in me1 ,i do not
 the less refuse to allow to  those     
caustic spirits the name of polite      
persons1 or of good ton2 for1  in       
politeness there must be good feeling4  
,but those who incessantly  study to    
trouble and wound people1 without taking
 any precaution except  to deprive them 
of the right or means of complaining2   

who are ready to  catch at the least    
error1 to exaggerate it1 to clothe it in
 the most  bitter language1 to present  
it in the most ridiculous light2 who    
meanly  attack those who cannot answer  
them1 or expose themselves every day for
  a sarcasm to sport with their own life
 and that of another in a  duel--such   
people1 what are they8--in truth1 ,i    
dare not say4    ,one such picture1     
which1 certainly is not highly colored1 
would render  pleasantries always       
odious2 but to indulge in pleasantry is 
not to  resemble such mischievous       
persons1 thank heaven1 it is far        
otherwise2  for mild1 kind1 and harmless
 pleasantry should be taken in good part
  even by those who are the subjects of 
it2 it is a friendly1 and sportive      
contest1 in which severity1 jealousy1   
and resentment should never  appear2    
whenever you perceive the least trace of
 them1 the pleasantry is  at an end2    
desist1 then1 the moment they appear4   
,as to hoaxing1 that caustic of fools2  

as to that silly gaiety1 excited  by the
 candor or politeness of people whom you
 falsely cause to believe  the most     
foolish things1 because they do not make
 known to you that they  see through    
this pleasure of stupid fellows1 ,i have
 nothing to say of  them1 except that ,i
 have too good an opinion of my reader  
to suppose  that he does not despise    
them as ,i do4    ,popular quotations   
and proverbs1 as well as other          
quotations1 require  some care2 and1    
except in familiar conversation1 are    
altogether  misplaced4 ,if they are     
frequent1 conversation becomes a tedious
  gossipping2 if introduced without a   
short previous remark1 one of two       
things will take place1 they will either
 prevent the speaker from being         
understood1 or they will give him the   
air of ,sancho ,panza4 ,but the         
previous remark1 however1 need be but   
short2 as the proverb says1 as  the     
wisdom of nations has it4 ,a proverb    
well applied1 and placed at the  end of 

a phrase1 frequently makes a very happy 
conclusion4    ,i only speak to censure2
 ,i entreat my readers not to suffer    
themselves  to be the manufacturers of  
puns1 and to despise this talent of     
fools and  childish means to excite a   
passing laugh4 ,not that we cannot      
repeat in  good company one of those    
rare political bon mots which are happy 
in  every respect2 nor that we ought to 
deprecate this kind of pleasantry       
before people who are fond of them1     
still less to tell them what they  hear 
every day1 ,that is poor2 to have taste1
 does not authorize us to  be impolite4 
,we must be much more severe upon       
another kind of quivoques2 namely1      
those which offend modesty4 ,propriety  
allows you1 and it even requires  you   
not to listen to1 but even to interrupt 
an ill-bred person who  importunes you  
with those indecent witticisms which a  
man of good  society ought always to    
avoid2 they are those by aid of which we
 cover  certain pleasantries with a veil

 so transparent1 that they are the more 
observed4 ,what pleasure can we find in 
causing ladies to blush1 and in         
meriting the name of a man of bad       
society8    ,there are those who think  
that they may allow themselves every    
kind of  pleasantry before certain      
persons2 but a man of good ton ought to 
observe it wherever he is4 ,we might    
quote more than one example of  persons1
 who have lost politeness of manners and
 of language by assuming  the habits and
 conversation of all kinds of society   
into which chance  may have carried     
them4 ,it requires but a moment to lose 
those delicate  shades of character     
which constitute a man of the world1 and
 which cost  us so much labor to        
acquire4    ,it is a great error to     
suppose that we must always shine in    
conversation1 and that it is better to  
make ourselves admired by a  lively and 
ready repartee1 than to content         
ourselves sometimes with  silence1 or   
with an answer less brilliant than      

judicious4#ae ,we must  not imagine that
 all traits of wit are in the class of  
politeness2 a  vain and triumphant air  
spoils a bon mot2 moreover1 when you    
repeat a  thing of this kind of which   
you are the author1 beware of saying so 
to  your auditors4        #ae ,that a   
reply may be truly pleasing1 it is      
necessary that he who         makes it  
has a right so to do1 and that we may   
quote it without         doing him any  
wrong2 otherwise1 we should laugh at the
 reply1         and despise the author  
of it4 ,there are replies which are     
pleasing in the mouth of a military man1
 but which would be         ridiculous  
in the mouth of a civil magistrate4 ,a  
young lady may         make lively and  
brilliant repartees1 which would be     
insupportable         in a woman in the 
decline of life2 as the latter might    
make such         as would be unsuitable
 in a young lady4      ,,section ,,vii4 
,of ,eulogiums1 ,complainings1          
,improprieties in general1 and          

,prejudices4    ,one of the most        
improper things1 is to praise to excess 
and  unseasonably4 ,extravagant and     
misplaced eulogiums neither honor the   
one  who bestows them1 nor the persons  
who receive them4    ,an infallible     
method of giving a meritorious person   
the air of a fool1  is to address him to
 his face and without disguise1 to load 
him with  exaggerated eulogiums2 it is  
indeed not a little embarrassing to     
reply  in such a case4 ,if we remain    
silent1 we appear to be inhaling the    
incense with complacency2 if we repel   
it1 we only seem to excite it the  more4
 ,thus we see1 in such a case1 and even 
among very clever persons  too1 those   
who reply by silly exclamations and by  
rude assertions4 ,you  were laughing at 
me1 they say2 this cannot be tolerated2 
it is to be  supposed that the person   
who praises you is incapable of such an 
act4 ,i  think it would be better to    
say1 ,i did not know you were so kind   
7or  so good7 ,i should indeed think you

 were joking me4 ,or else1 we should    
say1 your partiality blinds you4        
,persons who are unacquainted with the  
world1 commonly think that they  cannot 
address a lady without first assailing  
her with compliments4 ,this  is a       
mistake1 gentlemen1 and ,i can with     
relation to this point1 reveal  to you  
what my sex prefers to these vulgar     
eulogiums4    ,it is in bad ton to      
overwhelm with insipid flattery all     
women that we  meet1 without distinction
 of age1 rank or merit4 ,these          
insipidities may  indeed please some of 
light and frivolous minds1 but will     
disgust a  woman of good sense4 ,carry  
on with them a lively1 piquant and      
varied  conversation2 and remember that 
they have a too active imagination1 a   
too great versatility of disposition1 to
 support conversation for a long  time  
upon the same subject4    ,but is it    
then necessary to proscribe eulogiums   
entirely8 ,not at  all--society has not 
yet arrived at that degree of           

philosophy2 eulogiums  are and will for 
a long time be a means of success2 but  
they should be  in the first place1     
true1 or at least probable1 in order not
 to have the  appearance of outrageous  
insults2 they should be indirect and    
delicate1  that we may listen to them   
without being obliged to interrupt2 and 
they  should be tempered with a sort of 
judgment1 the skilful use of which1 is  
itself even a eulogium4    ,i repeat1 as
 ,i have often said1 let there be       
moderation in everything4    ,should we 
not regard as gross and ridiculous      
language1 that exaggeration  which we   
frequently hear used in praise as well  
as in censure8 ,it seems  that true     
politeness in language consists         
principally in a certain  moderation of 
expressions4 ,it is much better to cause
 people to think  more than we say1 and 
not outrage language1 and run the risk  
of going  beyond what we ought to say4  
,under any circumstances1 complaining   
has always a bad grace4    ,banish from 

your complaints ill-nature and          
animosity2 let your anger be  only an   
expression of the wrong you have        
suffered1 and not of that which  you    
would cause2 this is the surest means of
 gaining to your side  persons who would
 perhaps be doubtful whether to favor   
your adversary or  yourself4            
,politeness is not less opposed to      
making excessive complaints to the      
first person you meet1 than to the      
frequent and extravagant eulogiums      
which you bestow improperly upon those  
from whom you expect a favor in  return4
    ,by the word improprieties1 we      
generally understand all violations of  
politeness4 ,we1 however1 give to this  
word a particular and limited  sense4   
,it signifies a want of due regard to1  
and a forgetfulness of1 the  delicate   
attentions which seem to identify us    
with the situation of  others4 ,we will 
mention some examples of these          
particular violations of  politeness4   
,to accost sad people with a smiling    

face and sprightly  manners1 which prove
 to them the little interest which you  
take in their  situation2 to trouble by 
a whimsical and cross ill-humor1 and by 
misanthropic declamations1 the pleasure 
of contented persons2 to exalt  the     
advantages of beauty before aged ladies 
or those who are naturally  unfortunate2
 to speak of the power that wealth      
bestows in the presence  of people      
hardly arrived at mediocrity of fortune2
 to boast of one's  strength or health  
before a valetudinarian1 c4    ,the     
sense which we here give to the term    
prejudices is still more  limited than  
that which we have just given to the    
expression  improprieties4    ,we do not
 mean to speak here of those erroneous  
judgments1 acknowledged  as such1 which 
though undermined1 and shaken1 are still
 respected by  that society which they  
torment4 ,we wish only to admonish our  
fair  readers of those unfriendly       
prejudices of nation against nation1    
city  against city1 and section against 

section2 that malevolent disposition    
which with a ,parisian makes the name   
provincial1 synonymous with  awkwardness
 and bad ton1 and which1 in the saloons 
of the ,chause  d',antin1 allows no     
favor to persons lodging in the ,marais2
 because the  people of the ,marais1    
provincials and ,englishmen1 do not     
consider it any  fault to return        
prejudice for prejudice1 and contempt   
for contempt4          ,,chapter ,,vii4 
,of ,epistolary ,composition4      ,next
 to social communications by means of   
visits and conversation1 are            
communications by means of letters and  
billets4 ,it is not only absence1  but a
 multiplicity of business1 and a great  
number of relations which  give a very  
great extension to this part of our     
social interests4    ,our readers have  
too much judgment to think that we wish 
to give them  lessons in style1 or teach
 them how they should write letters of  
friendship1 of congratulation1 of       
condolence1 of apology1 of              

recommendations1 of invitation1 of      
complaint1 or of censure4 ,this         
enumeration alone1 shows the            
impossibility of it4 ,some general      
reflections upon propriety in epistolary
 composition1 and strict details  of the
 forms and ceremonial parts of letters1 
will compose this  important chapter4   
,,section ,i4    ,of ,propriety in      
,letter ,writing4    ,if in conversation
 we ought to attend to propriety of     
language1 its  choice and graceful      
euphony1 how much more is it necessary  
to endeavor  to make our style in       
writing clear1 precise1 elegant1 and    
appropriate to  all subjects4 ,vivacity 
of discourse forces us frequently to    
sacrifice  happy though tardy           
expressions to the necessity of avoiding
 hesitancy2  but what is thus an        
obstacle in speaking1 does not interfere
 with the  use of the pen4 ,we ought1   
therefore1 to avoid repetitions1        
erasing1  insertions1 omissions1 and    
confusion of ideas or labored           

construction4  ,if we write a familiar  
letter to an equal or a friend1 these   
blemishes  may remain2 but otherwise1 we
 must commence our letter again4    ,the
 most exact observance of the rules of  
language is strictly  necessary2 a fault
 of orthography1 or an incorrect        
expression1 are not  allowable1 even in 
the least careful letter or the most    
unimportant  billet4 ,even correction is
 not admissible2 for1 besides being a   
blemish  to the letter1 it betrays the  
ignorance or inattention of him who     
writes  it4 ,for these reasons1 it is   
well to make a rough draft1 if we are   
little accustomed to epistolary style1  
and if being very young1 we  cannot     
perfectly remember the rules of syntax1 
and the dictionary4 ,some  persons1 it  
is true1 censure this precaution1 which1
 say they1 marks the  style with        
affectation and stiffness4 ,this censure
 does not seem to me  well-founded4 ,the
 loss of time which this method         
requires1 is a more  real inconvenience2

 and for this reason1 and on account of 
the  embarrassment with which we may be 
troubled1 it is well to accustom        
ourselves to writing a letter extempore 
with neatness1 elegance and             
correctness4    ,the choice of materials
 for writing1 without being very        
essential1 is  yet necessary2 to write  
on very coarse paper1 is allowable only 
to the  most indigent2 to use gilt edged
 and perfumed paper for letters of      
business1 would be ridiculous4 ,the     
selection of paper ought always to be   
in keeping with the person1 the age1 the
 sex1 and the circumstances of  the     
correspondents4 ,ornamented paper1 of   
which we have just spoken2  paper       
bordered with colored vignettes and     
embossed with ornaments in  relief upon 
the edges2 and paper slightly colored   
with delicate shades1  are designed for 
young ladies1 and those whose condition1
 taste1 and  dignity1 presuppose habits 
of luxury and elegance4 ,many           
distinguished  people1 however1         

reasonably prefer simplicity in this    
thing1 and make  use of very beautiful  
paper1 but yet without ornament4        
,people of business1 heads of companies 
or establishments1 and persons of       
distinction1 with many titles1 use paper
 printed at the top1 that is to  say1   
having the name of their residence1 the 
three first figures of the  date of the 
year1 their address1 and these words1   
,mr4 ----1 7here  follow the titles7 to 
,mr4 ----4    ,it is extremely impolite 
to write a letter upon a single leaf of 
paper1  even if it is a billet2 it      
should be always double1 even though we 
write  only two or three lines4 ,it is  
still more vulgar to use for an         
envelope1  paper on which there are one 
or two words foreign to the letter      
itself1  whether they be written or     
printed4    ,billets1 letters folded    
lengthwise1 and half-envelopes1 are     
little used4  ,a folded letter1         
especially if written upon vellum paper1
 should be  pressed at the folds by     

means of a paper-folder4    ,the rules  
of politeness ought moreover to decide  
as to the expense of  postage4 ,they    
require us to defray the expense of the 
letter if it is  written to             
distinguished persons1 or to those of   
whom we ask any favor2  but it would be 
an incivility1 and sometimes a want of  
delicacy1 to do  it when we write to a  
friend1 an acquaintance1 or to persons  
of little  fortune1 whose feelings we   
should fear to wound4 ,we must          
therefore1 in  order to save them the   
expense as well as to avoid             
dissatisfaction1  endeavor to make some 
excuse of business4    ,letters for new 
year's day1 and other holidays1 are     
usually written  beforehand1 in order to
 arrive on the previous or very same    
day4 ,this is  particularly required    
towards relations2 for friends and      
intimate  acquaintances1 the following  
week will do1 and for other persons1 any
  time within the month4    ,it is as   
indispensable to answer when you are    

written to1 as when you  are spoken to1 
and the indolence which so many         
correspondents allow in  themselves1 in 
this respect1 is an incivility4 ,and if 
after all they  decide to answer1 they  
begin by apologies so constantly        
renewed1 that  they become common-place4
 ,we must use much care that these      
excuses may  not be ridiculous4         
,conciseness1 and some new terms of     
expression1 are1  in this case1         
indispensable4 ,the same observation is 
applicable in  making use of reproving  
terms4    ,letters supply the place of  
visits1 as we have seen1 in bestowing   
presents1 or on occasions of marriages1 
funerals1 c42 to neglect to  write in a 
similar case1 is gross impoliteness4    
,two persons should not write in the    
same letter1 by one writing upon the    
first1 and another upon the second leaf1
 except we are intimate with the        
correspondent4 ,the same is applicable  
to postscripts4 ,it is not  allowable1  
except to familiar friends1 to use      

expressions borrowed from  foreign      
languages1 as for instance the phrase of
 the ,italians1 ,i kiss  your hands1 c4 
,the language of men who write to ladies
 ought always to  have a polish of      
respect1 with which the latter might    
dispense in  answering4 ,except on      
occasions of great ceremony1 a lady     
ought not to  address to a man such     
phrases as1 ,i have the honor to be1 c4 
while  the latter should use the most   
respectful terms1 as ,deign1 madam1 to  
allow me2 allow me the honor of         
presenting you my respects1 c4    ,you  
may use a lofty style towards persons to
 whom you owe respect2 on  easy1        
trifling1 or even jesting style1 towards
 a friend2 and a courteous  style       
towards ladies generally4 ,you should   
not write in a trifling style  to       
persons of a higher standing4 ,it       
sometimes happens that a man of         
superior rank honors with his friendship
 a man of lower condition1 and  is      
pleased that the latter writes to him   

without ceremony4 ,in this case  we may 
use the privilege which is given us2 but
 we must take care not to  abuse it1 and
 to make known from time to time that we
 are ready to  confine ourselves within 
respectful bounds4    ,when you write   
upon any subject1 consider it fully     
before putting it  upon paper1 and treat
 of each topic in order1 that you may   
not be  obliged to recur to any one     
again1 after having spoken of another   
thing4    ,if you have many subjects to 
treat of in the same letter1 commence   
with  the most important2 for if the    
person to whom you write is interrupted 
while reading it1 he will be the more   
impatient to resume the reading1        
however little interesting he may find  
it4    ,it is useful and convenient to  
begin a new paragraph at every change of
  the subject4    ,after having written 
,sir or ,madam at the top of the letter1
 we  should not commence with one of    
these phrases2 ,sir1 madam --1 your     
sister1 has written me1 that4 ,we should

 say1 ,i understand by a letter  which  
madam --1 your sister1 has written me4  
,take care also1 when writing to a      
person worthy of respect1 not to make   
compliments to any one4 ,but write to   
this third person whatever you wish  him
 to know4    ,titles of respect1 as     
,lordship1 ,majesty1 ,highness1         
,excellency1  ,honor1 ,madam1 c4 ought  
never to be abbreviated1 either in      
writing  to the persons themselves1 or  
to any one who has acquaintance with    
them4    ,figures are used only for sums
 and dates2 numbers of men1 days1 weeks1
  c4 are to be written at length4       
,,section ,,ii4    ,of the ,interior and
 ,exterior ,form of ,letters4    ,the   
interior form of a letter comprehends   
the titles and qualities of  persons to 
whom it is proper to give them2 the more
 or less courteous  phrases which we    
use2 the more or less respectful manner 
with which the  commencement and body of
 the letter are to be arranged2 and the 
more or  less humble terms which we are 

to use for the signature1 the address or
  the superscription4    ,the exterior  
form of a letter is what concerns the   
size of the paper2  the blank that we   
should leave between the vedette1 7or   
line  containing only the name7 and the 
first line2 between the last line1 the  
appellation1 and signature2 the manner  
of folding the letter1 and the  choice  
and mode of putting on the seal4    ,in 
addressing the pope1 we say at the top  
of the letter1 ,holy ,father1  or ,most 
,holy ,father2 and instead of ,you1 we  
should say1 ,your  ,holiness2 to a      
prince cardinal1 ,my ,lord1 and ,your   
,most ,eminent  ,highness4    ,to a     
cardinal1 ,my ,lord1 and ,your          
,eminence4    ,to an archbishop or      
bishop1 ,my ,lord1 and ,your ,grace4    
,to an emperor or empress1 we say1      
,sire1 or ,madam2 and instead of  ,you1 
we say1 ,your ,imperial ,majesty4    ,to
 a king we also say1 ,sire1 and ,your   
,majesty4    ,to a queen1 ,madam1 and   
,your ,majesty4    ,to the brother of a 

king1 ,your ,royal ,highness4    ,to an 
elector of the empire1 ,your ,electoral 
,highness4    ,to a sovereign prince1   
,your ,most ,serene ,highness4    ,to a 
prince1 ,your ,highness4    ,to an      
ambassador or minister1 ,your           
,excellency4    ,to the chancellor of   
,france1 ,my ,lord1 and ,your ,lordship4
    ,the title ,excellency is not given 
to ladies4    ,persons who have an exact
 knowledge of the language and usage of 
the  court1 know what is the most proper
 manner of expressing themselves4 ,we   
will give some examples in which the    
different degrees of respect may be     
readily perceived4    ',i have received 
the letter with which you have been     
pleased to honor  me4'    ',i have      
received the letter which you have done 
me the favor to write to  me1 which you 
have done me the honor to write to me1  
which you have  taken the trouble to    
write to me4'    ,there are some persons
 who commence their letters with these  
words2 ,i  have received yours of the   

#abth current2 this is a fault2 we      
should  say1 your letter4 ,the first is 
the style of those people who1 being    
pressed with business1 are obliged to   
make abbreviations2 and we must1  in the
 common customs of life1 beware of      
imitating them in this respect4  ,we may
 say the same in respect to persons who 
write at the top of their  letters1 ',i 
have received your honored letter of    
such a date2' or1  'in answer to your   
honored letter2' or1 ',i write you these
 few  words4' ,all these forms are      
objectionable4    ,we should never      
repeat in the first sentence of a       
letter1 the names ,my  ,lord1 ,sir1 or  
,madam1 with which we began4 ,but if we 
write to a  prince1 or even to a        
minister1 we should after the first line
 use the  words1 ,your ,majesty1 ,your  
,highness1 or ,your ,excellency1 and    
repeat  them from time to time1 in the  
course of the letter1 if it is of some  
length4    ,as to the conclusion of a   
letter1 we should not say simply1 ,i am1

  without adding some such phrase as    
these2 ,with the most profound  respect2
 with profound respect1 with the highest
 regard1 c4 ,to  persons who have the   
title of majesty1 highness1 eminence1 c4
 we  say1 ,i am your majesty's1 or your 
highness's1 c4 very humble1 c4    ,the  
words esteem and affection are used only
 in letters to friends  or acquaintance1
 because they are too familiar2 but when
 accompanied by  any words which relieve
 them1 they do not offend one4 ,as for  
example1 we  can say1 ,i am with        
profound respect1 and the highest       
esteem1 c4    ,the following forms may  
be used with elegance2    ,accept1 ,sir1
 the assurances of high consideration2  
be pleased to accept  the assurances1 c4
    ,letters of petition or request     
should be in folio1 that is to say1 upon
  a sheet of paper in its full size2 the
 margin should be half the breadth  of  
the page2 the spaces and blanks which we
 ought to leave between the  upper edge 
of the paper and the vedette1#af and    

between the vedette  and the first line1
 are very different1 according to the   
degree of  inferiority or superiority4  
,the greater these spaces are1 the more 
respect do they indicate4 ,the first    
line ought always to begin below the    
middle of the page1 when we write to a  
person to whom we owe much  respect2 but
 the second page should begin one line  
below the vedette4  ,a blank space      
should always be left between the last  
words of the  signature1 and the lower  
edge of the paper4 ,if there should not 
be  sufficient room1 it would be better 
to carry one or two lines over to  the  
succeeding page1 than to fail in this   
respect4    ,for a familiar letter1 it  
has become fashionable to leave no      
margin at  all4 ,it is1 however1 in     
these letters only that margins can be  
useful1  namely1 in receiving a vertical
 line when all the paper is filled4     
,the date of a letter may be put at the 
beginning when we write to an  equal2   
but in writing to a superior1 it should 

be at the end1 in order  that the title 
at the head of the letter may be        
entirely alone4 ,in  letters of         
business1 on the contrary1 it is        
necessary to date at the top  and on the
 first line1 that persons may know      
conveniently1 the  chronological order  
of their communications4    ,the date is
 often necessary to the understanding of
 many passages of  your letter1 or to   
explain the sense of one which your     
correspondent may  have received at the 
same time from another person4    ,in a 
simple billet1 we put the date of the   
day1 ,monday1 c4 ,it is well  sometimes 
to add the hour4    ,every letter to a  
superior ought to be folded in an       
envelope4 ,it shows a  want of respect  
to seal with a wafer2 we must use       
sealing-wax4 ,men  usually select red2  
but young ladies use gilt1 rose1 and    
other colors4  ,both use black wax when 
they are in mourning4 ,except in this   
last case1  the color is immaterial1 but
 not the size1 for very large ones are  

in  bad taste4 ,the smaller and more    
glossy1 the better ton they are4        
,although sealing-wax is preferable1    
still we must sometimes avoid using  it2
 it is when we are afraid that the seal 
may be opened4    ,when the letter is   
closed with or without an envelope1 we  
put only a  single seal upon it2 but if 
the letter is large1 we use two4        
,moreover1  if it contains important    
papers1 it should have three seals or   
more1  according to the nature of the   
envelope4 ,if a person takes charge of a
  letter as a favor1 it would be very   
impolite to put more than one seal  upon
 it4 ,if the letter should be folded in 
such a manner that by partly  opening it
 at the end1 its contents may be read1  
it would be equally  impolite to put a  
little wax upon the edges4 ,we can use  
this precaution  only when the letter is
 sent by the post or by a domestic4     
,when we use no envelope1 and the third 
page of the letter is all written  upon1
 we should leave a small blank space    

where the seal is to be put2  without   
this precaution1 many very important    
words will be covered4    ,we should not
 seal a letter of respect with an       
antique device4 ,it is  more polite to  
use our coat of arms or cipher4         
,persons of taste1 who have no coat of  
arms1 adopt a seal bearing some         
ingenious device1 in keeping with their 
profession1 sentiments1 c4    ,a letter 
which is to be shown1 as a letter of    
introduction or  recommendation1 ought  
never to be sealed1 since the bearer    
ought  necessarily to know the contents4
 ,but to seal it without having first   
allowed the bearer to read it1 would be 
very impolite4 ,you should prove  to the
 person recommended1 that you have      
spared no pains to render him a         
service4    ,it is only conscripts1 and 
peasants1 who fold a letter like an     
apothecary's packet1 who omit to press  
the wafer with a seal1 or secure  it by 
pricking it in every part with the point
 of a pin4    ,we never seal petitions  

which are to be presented to the king1  
and to  the members of the royal family4
    ,some distinguished persons are     
flattered in writing to them1 by our    
omitting to designate precisely their   
address4 ,it is an error2 we should     
indicate with exactness the town1 and   
the province1 state1 c4 if there  is    
more than one town of the same name4 ,in
 a large city1 it is well to  write the 
name of the street and number1 and the  
quarter of the city  where the street   
is4 ,people of business1 abbreviate this
 by putting ,n  and the number1 or the  
number alone2 this practice is more     
expeditious  than polite4    ,we        
generally address a letter to one person
 only2 but in certain cases  we may     
address to two or more collectively4    
,it is well to add to the name1 the     
title or profession1 in order to        
prevent mistake4 ,however1 if           
circumstances have obliged any one of   
your  acquaintance to act in an inferior
 situation1 it would be a want of       

delicacy to join to his name that of his
 business4    ,when we write to the     
king1 we put simply in the address1 ,to 
the ,king4  ,to foreign kings we say1   
,to his ,catholic ,majesty1 his         
,britannic  ,majesty1 c4    ,to persons 
who have the title of highness1 we say1 
,to his ,highness1  and then their      
quality or rank4 ,to ministers and      
ambassadors1 we say1  ,to his           
,excellency1 the ,minister1 or          
,ambassador4 ,if a person has many      
titles1 we select the highest1 and omit 
the others4    ,in billets1 we put the  
date at the top of the paper1 and begin 
the  letter about two inches below4 ,the
 word ,sir is put in the first line4    
,we conclude with one of these phrases1 
,i am1 ,sir1 yours2 ,i am  entirely     
yours1 c4 ,we do not write a billet to  
ladies1 or to  superiors1 as this was   
introduced only to avoid ceremony4      
,the most familiar billets are written  
in the third person1 contrary to  the   
common practice4 ,they contain very     

little1 and begin thus1 ,mr4 or  ,madam 
,n present their respects1 or           
compliments1 to ,mr4 ,such-a-one1  and  
request1 c4 ,after having made the      
request1 we end with1 and he  will      
oblige his humble servant4    ,in this  
kind of billets1 it is best not to use  
the pronoun he or  she1 for             
independently of the incivility1 it     
might result in  confusion4 ,sometimes  
it would be difficult to know whether   
the pronoun  referred to the person who 
received the letter1 or to the one who  
wrote  it4    ,i shall conclude this    
chapter by an observation relative to   
friendly and  familiar letters2 not that
 ,i have the folly to pretend to        
regulate by  any ceremonial1 the        
sentiments of the heart2 but there is in
 reality  nothing more cold and         
ridiculous1 than accumulations of       
epithets like  these1 ,your tender1     
sincere and constant friend1 c4      #af
 ,see page #acg4          ,,chapter     
,,viii4    ,additional ,rules in respect

 to the ,social ,relations4      ,i     
include under this name1 everything     
relating to friendly attentions1  such  
as services1 loans1 presents1 advice1   
and also things in relation  to         
discretion1 such as respect in          
conversation1 letters1 secrets1         
confidential communications1 c4         
,,section ,i4    ,of an ,obliging       
,deportment4    ,polite persons are     
necessarily obliging4 ,a smile is always
 on their  lips1 an earnestness in their
 countenance1 when we ask a favor of    
them4  ,they know that to render a      
service with a bad grace1 is in reality 
not  to render it4 ,if they are obliged 
to refuse a favor1 they do this with    
mildness and delicacy2 they express such
 feeling regret1 that they still        
inspire us with gratitude2 in short1    
their conduct appears so perfectly      
natural1 that it really seems that the  
opportunity which is offered them  of   
obliging us1 is obliging themselves2    
they refuse all our thanks1  without    

affectation or effort4    ,this amiable 
character1 a necessary attendant of     
perfect good breeding1  is not always   
found with all its charms1 in the world4
 ,there are  besides1 some obliging     
persons1 who force us to extort their   
services1  who feel of great            
consequence1 who like to be supplicated 
and thanked to  excess4 ,do not imitate 
them3 they make us ungrateful in spite  
of  ourselves1 they make gratitude a    
pain and a burden4 ,when one asks of you
  any favor1 reply kindly1 ,i am at your
 service1 and shall be very happy  to   
render you any assistance in my power2  
or else1 with a sad manner1  lament that
 there is such an obstacle1 c4 ,then    
examine the means of  overcoming the    
obstacle1 even if you should be assured 
beforehand that  none exists4    ,other 
persons1 pretending to be polite1 make  
protestations of their  services and    
zeal1 without taking the trouble to     
abide by their offers  when an occasion 
is afforded them3 so great is their     

trifling in this  respect that they can 
be justly compared to those false heroes
 who are  always talking of fighting1   
and who would be put to flight at the   
sight  of a drawn sword4 ,these         
indications of zeal are suspicious1 when
 they  are employed every moment and    
without any reason2 a knowledge of the  
world teaches us to discern them1 and to
 give them that degree of  confidence   
which they merit4 ,sometimes we can     
congratulate persons1  wish them well1  
and have the appearance of taking an    
interest in the  recital which they are 
making of their affairs1 without really 
feeling  the least interest for them4   
,we cannot always command our           
indifference  in this respect1 but we   
are obliged to spare them that          
constraint and  ennui1 which would      
infallibly be shown if we should        
manifest to them the  coldness which    
they inspire4 ,it belongs to those      
persons who know the  world1 not to     
confound this politeness1 with the      

pretended zeal of the  ,don ,quixottes  
of the drawing-room1 of whom we have    
spoken above4    ,in order that a       
service may be completed1 it is         
necessary that it should  be done       
quickly1 nothing being more disobliging 
than tardiness1 and the  alternative1   
which you place a person in1 either of  
addressing to you  new solicitations1 or
 of suffering by your delay4 ,your tardy
 assistance  may perhaps be prejudicial1
 for one would suffer a long time before
  resolving to importune you anew4      
,make use then of despatch4 ,if any     
circumstances prevent you from acting1  
inform the person1 apologise1 and       
promise to make reparation for your     
neglect4 ,on his part1 the person who is
 under the obligation to you1  should be
 careful of using a single term of      
reproach and of accosting  you with an  
air of dissatisfaction4    ,when any one
 who is visiting you has need of a      
shawl1 a handkerchief1 a  hat1 offer it 
with a complaisant zeal1 resist the     

refusal which is made  7and which       
propriety does not require7 select the  
best you have1 in  short1 urge the      
persons not to be in haste to return the
 articles4 ,if it  is very bad weather1 
and the occasion a proper one1 offer an 
umbrella or  your carriage4 ,these      
things are returned the next day by a   
domestic1 who  is charged to thank the  
person for them4 ,if the articles are   
linen1 they  should not be returned     
before they are washed4    ,when a lady 
has borrowed ornaments of another1 as   
for instance1 jewels1  the latter should
 always offer to lend her more than are 
asked for3 she  ought also to keep a    
profound silence about the things which 
she has  lent1 and even abstain from    
wearing them for some time afterwards1  
in  order that they may not be          
recognised4 ,if any one1 perceiving they
 were  borrowed1 should speak to the    
person of it1 he would pass for an      
ill-bred man4 ,if the borrower speaks to
 you of it1 it is well to reply  that   

nobody had recognised them4 ,all this   
advice is minute1 but what  kind will   
you have8 it concerns female            
self-esteem4    ,one species of         
borrowing which is of daily occurrence1 
and happens very  often to the loss of  
the owners1 is the borrowing of books4  
,persons are  so wanting in delicacy on 
this subject1 that those who have a     
passion  for books1 and who are very    
obliging in other respects1 are forced  
to  refuse making these troublesome     
loans4 ,the case1 however1 is a very    
perplexing one2 we cannot say1 ,i am not
 willing to lend you this work2  but if 
the borrower is a suspicious person1 we 
can say we have occasion  to use it1    
that we regret it very much1 but that we
 will lend it to him  in a few days4    
,however1 we do not lend it at all4     
,well-bred persons do not make a bare   
request for a book2 they wait until  it 
is offered1 and then they accept the    
offer hesitatingly2 they find  out the  
length of time they can keep it1 and    

return it punctually at the  appointed  
day4 ,in order to prevent every         
accident1 they cover it with  cloth or  
paper1 since the favor should render    
them more careful than the  value of the
 book2 they also take care not to turn  
down the leaves1 or  make marks1        
marginal notes1 c4    ,if any accident  
happens to a borrowed article1 we must  
repair the loss  immediately4 ,i shall  
not speak of more important loans1 which
 are out of  the range of politeness4   
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,presents4    ,in
 the eyes of persons of delicacy1       
presents are not of worth1 except  from 
the manner in which they are bestowed2  
in our advice1 then1 let us  strive to  
give them this value4    ,presents are  
offered first to relations and to       
friends2 and they occur  under different
 circumstances2 on our arrival at a     
place from which we  have been absent   
for a long time2 when our intimate      
friends leave the  town in which we     
reside2 on our return from a journey1   

particularly to  the capital2 in        
remarkable and remote countries2 on     
birth days1 or days  of baptism1 or new 
year's day4    ,but this day is not the 
only occasion of exchanging presents in 
a  family1 it is also an occasion for   
recollecting services and civilities2   
of making our respects to ladies1 to    
superiors whom we wish to honor4 ,it    
moreover offers us a delicate means of  
succoring the unfortunate4    ,secondly1
 at harvest time1 if one owns land1 in  
the hunting season1 if  one is a hunter1
 it is in good ton to send to our       
intimate friends1  fine fruits1 rare    
flowers1 or some choice articles of     
game4    ,the most delicate presents are
 the productions of our own industry2 a 
drawing1 a piece of needle work1        
ornamental hair-work1 c4 ,but such      
offerings1 though invaluable among      
friends1 are not used on occasions of   
ceremony4    ,next to fitness of time   
for presents1 comes fitness in the      
selection of  them2 generally1 luxury   

and elegance ought to reign in the      
latter2 but  this rule has numerous     
exceptions3 and although it would be out
 of place  to offer things purely useful
 7to which certain incidents would give 
the  appearance of charity7 still we    
should be in an error to suppose that a 
present is suitable1 which is brilliant 
alone4 ,it must by all means be  adapted
 to the taste1 age1 and professions of  
persons1 and their  connexions with us4 
,thus to superiors1 you offer fruits1   
game1 c4 to a  student1 books2#ag to a  
friend of the arts1 music1 or           
engravings2 to  young married ladies1   
delicate and graceful articles of the   
toilet1 c4    ,presents should excite   
surprise and pleasure1 therefore you    
ought to  involve them in a mystery1 and
 present them with an air of joyful     
kindness4    ,when you have made your   
offering1 and thanks have been elicited1
 do not  bring back the conversation to 
the same subject2 be careful1           
particularly1 of making your gift of    

consequence4 ,on the contrary1 when  its
 merit has been extolled1 when the      
persons who have received the  present1 
have evinced a lively satisfaction1 say 
that the gift receives  all its value   
from their opinion of it4    ,however   
slight charm a present may have1 or if  
even insignificant1 we  should be       
ill-bred not to manifest much pleasure  
in receiving it4 ,it is  besides1       
necessary1 when an opportunity offers1  
to speak of it1 not to  fail of saying  
to the donor1 how useful or agreeable   
his present is to  you4 ,in proportion  
as a long space of time has elapsed1    
this attention  is the more amiable2 it 
proves that you have preserved the      
object with  care4 ,and this reminds me1
 that we should never give away a       
present  which we have received from    
another person1 or at least that we     
should  so arrange it1 that it may never
 be known4    ,it is well to mingle with
 our manifestations of gratitude1 some  
exceptions to the high value of the     

gift1 but not to dwell a long time  on  
the subject1 or to exclaim about it with
 earnestness4 ,under some               
circumstances1 these declamations may   
seem dictated by avarice and a  want of 
delicacy2 they are besides in bad taste 
at all times4    ,we often make a       
present to some one through his children
 or wife1  especially on new year's day1
 when it is the custom to present at    
least  confectionary to the young       
families of one's acquaintance4 ,at     
,paris1 we  make such presents to       
married ladies2 in the provincial towns1
 we do  not4 ,above all1 when one has   
received a present of some value1 he    
calls  upon the person who gave it1 or1 
if the distance is great1 addresses to  
him a letter of thanks4 ,every one knows
 that custom requires us to make  a     
remuneration of a proportionate value1  
to the domestic who is the  bearer of   
the present4        #ag ,it is not      
polite1 when the presents are pamphlets1
 to offer         those of which you    

have cut the leaves4      ,,section     
,,iii4    ,of ,advice4    ,advice is a  
very good thing1 it is true2 it is      
however a thing which in  society is the
 most displeasing4 ,a giver of advice1  
who is incessantly  repeating1 ,if ,i   
was in your place1 ,i should do so and  
so1 repels every  one by his pride and  
indiscretion4 ,such an impertinent      
person should  know1 that he ought not  
to give advice without he is asked1 and 
that the  number of those who ask it is 
very limited3 we are not1 however1      
speaking here of gratifications of      
vanity1 but of that advice1 the         
kindness and affection of which1 gives  
it a claim to our attention4 ,it  is    
necessary to use much reserve and care1 
because otherwise you would  seem to    
have a tone of superiority which would  
array the self-esteem of  your friend   
against your wisest counsels4 ,of the   
forms of modesty1 no  one in this place 
is superfluous3 we may say1 ,it is      
possible that ,i  am mistaken1 ,i should

 be far from having the courage to      
enquire of  you1 c4    ,if a person     
makes any objections1 do not say1 ,you  
do not understand  me1 but1 ,i have not 
expressed myself properly4              
,,section ,,iv4    ,of ,discretion4     
,the duties of discretion are so        
sensibly felt by persons of good        
breeding1 that they do not violate them 
except through forgetfulness4 ,it  will 
be enough then to make an enumeration of
 them1 without intending to  point out  
their necessity4    ,discretion requires
 in the first place1 respect with regard
 to  conversation4 ,if1 when we enter   
the house of any one1 we hear persons   
talking in an earnest manner1 we step   
more heavily1 in order to give  notice  
to those who are engaged in the         
conversation4 ,if1 in an assembly1  two 
persons retire by themselves to speak of
 business1 we should be  careful not to 
approach them1 nor speak to them until  
they have  separated4    ,people who    
have lived a little in the world1 know  

how essential it is  not to mingle with 
curiosity in the business of persons    
whom we visit2  nor are they ignorant   
what conduct is to be observed in case  
we surprise  persons by an unexpected   
call2 but young persons may not know1   
and ,i beg  them to give their attention
 to it4    ,when we see a person        
occupied1 we retire1 or at least make   
signs of it2  if they should detain us1 
we step aside1 and appear to be         
examining a  picture1 or looking out of 
the window1 in order to prove that we   
take no  notice of what engages them4   
,but the desire to find for ourselves   
some  such occupation1 ought not to lead
 us to turn over the leaves of books    
placed upon the chimney-piece or        
elsewhere2 to run over a pamphlet2 or   
to handle visiting cards1 or letters1   
even though it be only to read the      
superscription4 ,if the person visited  
should be opening a closet or  drawers1 
it would be rude curiosity to approach  
in order to see what was  contained     

there4 ,if1 among a number of valuable  
things1 they take one to  show you1 be  
satisfied with looking at that alone1   
without appearing to  think of the      
others4    ,if1 before the person       
visited comes in1 we should see another 
visitor1  who1 to pass the time1 should 
take a journal or a book from his       
pocket1  it would be extremely impolite 
to read over his shoulder1 and equally  
uncivil to read what a person is        
writing4    ,it is not allowable to take
 down the books from a library2 but we  
may1  and we even ought to read the     
titles1 in order to praise the good     
taste  which has been shown in the      
choice of the works4    ,if it happens  
that any one exhibits to a circle some  
rare and valuable  object1 do not be in 
haste to ask for it1 or to take it by   
reaching out  your hand2 wait modestly  
until it comes to you2 do not examine it
 too  long when you have it1 and if by  
chance any ill-bred person requests it  
before you have seen it1 do not detain  

it2 it is better to suffer this  small  
privation than to pass for a badly      
educated virtuoso4    ,however          
insignificant the boasted object may be1
 never criticise it2 if  your opinion is
 asked1 answer a few words of praise2 if
 the thing is  really curious1 abstain  
from exaggerated compliments4    ,to    
violate the secresy of letters1 under   
any pretext whatever1 is so  base and   
odious1 that ,i dare not say a word     
about it2 ,i think1 ,i ought  to say1   
that it is also very reprehensible to   
endeavor to read any part  of a letter  
folded in such a manner as to be partly 
open at the ends2  and when a certain   
passage in a letter concerning yourself 
is handed you  to read1 you should put  
your finger below it in order not to    
read  anything more2 and if you are     
allowed to add anything in a letter1    
have  the discretion not to cast your   
eyes over the rest1 and be expeditious  
so as to avoid the suspicion that you   
take advantage of the  circumstance4    

,politeness is also opposed1 in certain 
cases1 to a too great haste to  know    
anything relating to ourselves4 ,for    
example1 if a person brings you  a      
letter1 you should not be in a hurry to 
open it1 but see whether the  letter    
concerns the bearer at all1 or only     
yourself4 ,in the first case1  you      
should open it1 and read it while he is 
present2 in the other case1  you should 
lay it aside4    ,politeness does not1  
however1 impose such restraints upon    
curiosity in  small things1 and leave us
 free in important ones4 ,thus1 we shall
 not  say that we ought religiously to  
keep a secret1 and that confidence      
received is a sacred deposit2 but we    
shall say to persons who have  curiosity
 to know any private circumstance1 that 
they ought to be filled  with shame if  
they do not desist all importunity as   
soon as they hear  the word1 it is a    
secret4          ,,chapter ,,ix4    ,of 
,travelling4      ,this chapter1        
although only accessory1 and but        

remotely connected with  the social     
relations1 should be added here2 as we  
do not wish to make  any voluntary      
omission1 and1 besides1 if in           
travelling1 the duties of  politeness   
are less numerous1 they are not1        
therefore1 less obligatory4    ,persons 
about to travel1 ought to make visits of
 taking leave among  their              
acquaintances1 of whom they should ask  
if they have any commands  for them4 ,it
 would be indiscreet1 unless in case of 
perfect intimacy1 to  accept this offer1
 or to ask them to take charge of such  
or such a  thing1 especially if it is a 
packet2 if persons are very intimate1 we
  may request them to let us hear of    
their arrival4    ,before their         
departure1 the names of passengers are  
entered in the order  of their numbers1 
at the public coach offices4 ,after     
this1 each one  takes the place assigned
 him4 ,politeness1 however1 requires    
that a man  should offer his seat to a  
lady who is less well accommodated2 for 

it  would be improper that he should be 
seated upon the back seat1 while  she   
should be seated upon the front one4    
,some persons cannot bear the  motion of
 a coach when they ride backwards2 and  
this manner of riding  incommodes them  
extremely4 ,polite travellers will take 
pleasure in  relieving them from this   
trouble4 ,ladies1 on their part1 ought  
not to  require too much1 nor put to too
 severe a test the complaisance of      
gentlemen4 ,the latter1 however1 should 
at every stopping place1  attentively   
help them alight1 by offering the hand1 
and directing their  feet on the step of
 the coach4 ,the same thing is necessary
 in assisting  them to get in again4 ,it
 would appear badly1 to take advantage  
of one's  superiority of rank1 to       
consult his own convenience alone4 ,it  
is  necessary on the contrary1 for him  
to have great care not to incommode  any
 one1 and to show every civility to his 
fellow travellers4    ,politeness in    
travelling is not so rigorous as in     

society2 it only  requires that we      
should not incommode our companions2    
that we should be  agreeable to them2   
that we should politely answer their    
questions2 but  it leaves us free to    
read1 sleep1 look about1 or observe     
silence1 c4    ,a traveller would be    
uncivil if he should open or shut the   
windows of  the coach without consulting
 the people who are with him2 or1 if he 
should1 without offering to them1 take  
any light and delicate food1 as  fruits1
 cakes1 or confectionary1 but which they
 do not generally accept2  and he would 
appear disagreeable1 if1 knowing the    
route1 he should not  point out the     
beautiful sites1 and satisfy any        
questions concerning  them2 finally1 he 
would deserve the name of an imprudent  
prater1 if he  should converse with his 
fellow travellers as with intimate      
acquaintances4    ,on our return1 we    
should carry or send the commissions    
which we have  received4 ,partial       
acquaintances1 to whom we have offered  

only by  writing1 to take their         
commands1 should not expect a visit on  
our  return2 this right belongs only to 
relations1 friends1 or intimate         
acquaintances4    ,finally1 all those   
for whom you have executed any          
commissions1 owe you a  visit of thanks 
as soon as it can be done4    ,if you   
travel on horseback1 in distinguished   
company1 give them the  right1 and keep 
a little behind1 regulating yourself by 
the progress of  your companions4 ,there
 is one exception to this rule2 it is   
when one of  the two horses is skittish1
 so that it is absolutely necessary that
 the  other should pass on first1 that  
this one may follow4    ,if you happen  
to be on the windward side1 so that you 
throw dust upon  your companion1 you    
should change your position4 ,when we   
pass by trees1  the branches of which   
are about the height of the shoulders1  
the one  who goes first ought to take   
care that the branches1 in going back to
  their former situation1 should not    

strike with violence against the  person
 who follows4    ,if you are passing a  
large stream1 a small river1 or a muddy 
pool1 by  fording1 it is polite to go   
first2 but if we have not taken         
precautions1  and fall in the rear1 we  
ought to keep at a distance1 so that the
  horse's feet may not spatter the water
 or mud upon the gentleman before  us4  
,if your companion gallops his horse1   
you should never pass him1 nor  make    
your horse caper1 unless he signifies   
that it is agreeable to him4            
,,part ,,iii4    ,,of ,,propriety ,,in  
,,relation ,,to ,,pleasures4            
,,chapter ,i4    ,of ,entertainments4   
,politeness ought1 as we have seen1 to  
direct and embellish all the            
circumstances of life2 but it is1 if    
possible1 still more necessary in       
relation to pleasures1 which1 without   
it1 would have no attraction4           
,without intending to adopt the         
epigrammatic style1 ,i will say that    
dining is almost an event1 so many      

points of propriety have the master  of 
the house and his guests to observe4    
,when we intend giving an entertainment1
 we begin by selecting such  guests as  
may enjoy themselves together1 or at    
least tolerate one  another4 ,if it is  
to be composed of gentlemen1 there      
should be no lady  present1 except the  
lady of the house4 ,the dinner being    
determined upon1  we give out two or    
three days beforehand1 verbal or written
 invitations4  ,during the carnival or  
other season of gaiety1 it is necessary 
to do it  at least five days in advance1
 on account of the numerous engagements4
    ,when we receive a written          
invitation1 we must answer immediately  
whether  we accept or not1 although     
silence may be considered equivalent to 
an  acceptance4 ,in the latter case1 we 
should give a plausible reason of our   
declining1 and do it with politeness4   
,when the invitation is verbal1 we  must
 avoid being urged2 for nothing is more 
foolish and disobliging2 we  ought      

either to accept or refuse in a frank   
and friendly manner1  offering some     
reasonable motive for declining1 to     
which we should not  again refer4 ,it is
 not allowable to be urged1 except when 
we are  requested to dine with someone  
whom we have seen only at the house of a
  third person1 or when we are invited  
on a visit or other similar  occasion4  
,in the former case1 if we accept1 we   
should first leave a card  in order to  
open the acquaintance4    ,having once  
accepted1 we cannot break our           
engagement1 unless for a most  urgent   
cause4    ,an invitation ought to       
specify exactly the hour of meeting1 and
 you  should arrive precisely at that   
hour4 ,the table should be ready1 and   
the  mistress of the house in the       
drawing-room1 to receive the guests4    
,when  they are all assembled1 a        
domestic announces that the dinner is   
served  up2 at this signal we rise      
immediately1 and wait until the master  
of  the house requests us to pass into  

the dining-room1 whither he conducts    
us1 by going before4    ,it is quite    
common for the lady of the house to act 
as guide1 while he  offers his hand to  
the lady of most distinction4 ,the      
guests also give  their arms to ladies1 
whom they conduct as far as the table1  
and to the  place which they are to     
occupy4 ,take care1 if you are not the  
principal  guest1 not to offer your hand
 to the handsomest or most distinguished
  lady2 for it is a great impoliteness4 
,having arrived at the table1 each guest
 respectfully salutes the lady  whom he 
conducts1 and who in turn bows also4 ,it
 is one of the first and  most difficult
 things properly to arrange the guests1 
and to place them  in such a manner that
 the conversation may always be general 
during the  entertainment2 we should as 
much as possible avoid putting next one 
another1 two persons of the same        
profession2 for it would necessarily    
result in an aside conversation1 which  
would injure the general  conversation1 

and consequently the gaiety of the      
occasion4 ,the two most  distinguished  
gentlemen are placed next the mistress  
of the house2 the  two most             
distinguished ladies next the master of 
the house2 the right  hand is especially
 the place of honor4 ,if the number of  
gentlemen is  nearly equal to that of   
the ladies1 we should take care to      
intermingle  them2 we should separate   
husbands from their wives1 and remove   
near  relations as far from one another 
as possible1 because being always       
together1 they ought not to converse    
among themselves in a general  party4   
,the younger guests1 or those of less   
distinction1 are placed at the  lower   
end of the table4    ,in order to be    
able to watch the course of the dinner1 
and to see that  nothing is wanting to  
their guests1 the master and mistress of
 the house  usually seat themselves in  
the centre of the table1 opposite each  
other4  ,as soon as the guests are      
seated1 the lady of the house serves in 

plates1 from a pile at her left hand1   
the soup which she sends round1         
beginning with her neighbors at the     
right and left1 and continuing in  the  
order of their distinction4 ,these first
 plates usually pass twice1  for every  
one endeavors to make his neighbor      
accept whatever is sent  him4    ,the   
master of the house carves or causes to 
be carved by some expert  guests1 the   
large pieces1 in order afterwards to do 
the honors himself4  ,if you have no    
skill in carving meats1 you should not  
attempt it2 and  never discharge this   
duty except when your good offices are  
solicited by  him2 neither can we refuse
 from his hand anything sent us4    ,a  
master of a house ought never to pride  
himself upon what appears on  his table1
 nor confuse himself with apologies for 
the bad cheer which  he offers you2 it  
is much better for him to observe       
silence in this  respect1 and leave it  
to his guests to pronounce eulogiums on 
the  dinner2 neither is it in good ton  

to urge guests to eat nor to load  their
 plate against their will4    ,i will   
now give a few words of advice to       
guests2 puerile it may be1 but  which it
 is well to listen to1 and observe4 ,it 
is ridiculous to make a  display of your
 napkin2 to attach it with pins upon    
your bosom1 or to  pass it through your 
buttonhole2 to use a fork in eating     
soup2 to ask  for meat instead of beef2 
for poultry instead of saying chicken1  
or turkey2 to turn up your cuffs while  
carving2 to take bread1 even when  it is
 within your reach1 instead of calling  
upon the servant2 to cut  with a knife  
your bread1 which should be broken by   
your hand2 and to  pour your coffee into
 the saucer to cool4    ,guests of the  
house of a distinguished personage are  
accompanied each by  his own servant1   
who takes his place behind his chair4   
,they should not  address him during the
 entertainment1 still less reprimand    
him4 ,before  placing themselves at the 
table1 they ought to direct him to serve

 the  other guests also1 and to retire  
as soon as the table is cleared1        
because the domestics of the house ought
 to eat by themselves4    ,during the   
first course1 each one helps himself at 
his pleasure to  whatever he drinks2    
but1 in the second course1 when the     
master of the  house passes round choice
 wine1 it would be uncivil to refuse it4
 ,we are  not obliged1 however1 to      
accept a second glass4    ,when at the  
end of the second course1 the cloth is  
removed1 the guests  may assist in      
turning off that part of it which is    
before them1 and  contribute to the     
arrangement of the dessert plates which 
happen to be  near1 but without         
attempting to alter the disposition of  
them4 ,from the  time that the dessert  
appears on the table1 the duties of the 
master of  the house diminish1 as do    
also his rights4    ,if a gentleman is  
seated by the side of a lady or elderly 
person1  politeness requires him to save
 them all trouble of pouring out for    

themselves to drink1 of procuring       
anything to eat1 and of obtaining       
whatever they are in want of at the     
table4 ,he ought to be eager to offer   
them what he thinks to be most to their 
taste4    ,it would be impolite to      
monopolize a conversation which ought to
 be  general4 ,if the company is large1 
we should converse with our neighbors1  
raising the voice only enough to make   
ourselves understood4    ,custom allows 
ladies at the end of an entertainment to
 dip their fingers  into a glass of     
water1 and to wipe them with their      
napkin2 it allows  them also to rinse   
the mouth1 using their plate for this   
purpose2 but1  in my opinion1 custom    
sanctions it in vain4    ,it is for the 
mistress of the house to give the signal
 to leave the  table2 all the guests    
then rise1 and1 offering their arms to  
the ladies1  wait upon them to the      
drawing-room1 where coffee and liqueurs 
are  prepared4 ,we do not take coffee at
 the table1 except at unceremonious     

dinners4 ,in leaving the table1 the     
master of the house ought to go last4   
,politeness requires us to remain at    
least an hour in the drawing-room  after
 dinner2 and1 if we can dispose of an   
entire evening1 it would be  well to    
devote it to the person who has         
entertained us4    ,we should not leave 
the table before the end of the         
entertainment1  unless from urgent      
necessity4 ,if it is a married lady1 she
 requests some  one to accompany her2 if
 a young lady1 she goes with her mother4
    ,the question whether it is proper1 
or not1 to sing at table1 depends now   
upon the ton of the master of the house4
 ,we do not sing at the houses  of      
people of fashion and the high classes  
of society2 but we may do it  at the    
social tables of citizens4 ,in this     
case1 we may repeat what has  been said 
and proved a thousand times how         
ridiculous it is to be urged  when we   
know how to sing1 or to insist upon     
hearing a person sing who  has an       

invincible timidity4    ,after dinner1  
we converse1 have music1 or more        
frequently1 prepare the  tables for     
games4 ,in the course of the soire1 the 
mistress of the house  sends round upon 
a waiter eau sucre or refreshing syrups4
 ,during the  week which follows the    
entertainment1 each guest owes a visit  
to the  person who has invited them4 ,we
 usually converse at this time1 of the  
dinner1 of the pleasure we have enjoyed1
 and of the persons whom we met  there4 
,this visit has received the cant name  
of the visite de  digestion4            
,,chapter ,,ii4    ,of ,promenades1     
,parties1 and ,amusements4      ,the    
paragraphs contained in this chapter    
concern the most common  relations of   
society4 ,complaisance and attentions   
ought therefore to  embellish and adorn 
these relations with all the delicate   
shades of  politeness4      ,,section   
,i4    ,of ,promenades4    ,a young man 
who walks with an elderly person1       
undoubtedly knows that his  companion   

has not the same strength and agility as
 himself2 he ought  therefore to        
regulate his pace by that of the old    
person4 ,the same  precaution should be 
observed when we accompany a person of  
distinction  to whom we owe respect4    
,decorum requires that a gentleman      
should offer  his arm to a lady who     
walks with him2 and politeness requires 
him to ask  permission to carry anything
 which she may have in her hand1 as a   
bag1 a  book1 or a parasol 7if the sun  
does not shine27 in case of a refusal1  
he  ought to insist upon it4    ,if     
there are more ladies than gentlemen1 we
 should offer our arm to the  oldest1   
and to a married lady rather than to an 
unmarried one4 ,if we are  accompanied  
by two ladies1 we cannot dispense with  
offering our arm to  each of them4      
,place your company upon that side which
 seems to them most convenient1  and    
beware of opposing their tastes or      
desires4 ,when occasion presents        
itself1 offer seats to your companions  

to rest themselves1 and do not  urge    
them to rise until they manifest a wish 
to continue their walk4 ,if  they accept
 your invitation to sit down1 and it    
happens that there are  not a sufficient
 number of seats1 then the ladies should
 sit1 and the  gentlemen remain         
standing4    ,in a large public garden1 
chairs are seldom wanting2 if it is     
necessary  to go for some to the place  
where they are kept1 this is the        
business of  the gentlemen1 who ought to
 take care not to place them before     
persons  already seated1 for this would 
be an incivility4 ,when payment for the 
seats is called for1 one gentleman of   
the company pays for the whole4 ,it     
would be impolite to offer to reimburse 
him4    ,there is also a rule of        
politeness to be observed with regard to
 those  whom we meet in walking4 ,we    
ought to offend neither their eyes nor  
their  ears4 ,we must take care not to  
attract their attention by immoderate   
laughter1 nor allow ourselves liberties 

which we cannot take in a  private      
garden4 ,to sing and skip about in      
walking1 would expose us to  the        
hootings of the multitude1 and to       
unpleasant things for which we  could   
only accuse our own folly4    ,if you   
are in a public promenade1 converse upon
 general topics1 which  can offend no   
one1 in order that your remarks may not 
be wrongly  interpreted by persons who  
happen to hear them4 ,beware on the     
other  hand1 of listening to the        
conversation of those who are not of    
your  party4    ,if you give your arm to
 a lady in the street1 she ought to be  
next the  wall4 ,and if by chance1 you  
are obliged to cross over1 you should   
then  change the arm4 ,this deference is
 likewise due to all who are entitled   
to our respect4 ,two gentlemen do not   
take one another's arms in the  street1 
unless they are young persons and       
intimate friends4    ,we never go in    
advance of the lady whom we accompany1  
and if she stops1  we do so likewise1   

and remain with her in looking at       
whatever attracts  her attention4 ,if a 
mendicant comes up to ask alms1 we      
immediately draw  out our purse to      
satisfy his wants1 so that the lady with
 whom we are  walking may not be        
importuned by him4    ,if we walk in a  
private garden1 and the company is      
numerous1 we may  separate1 and form    
distinct groups4 ,if the master of the  
house or any  person of consideration1  
invite you to walk up and down the      
alleys1 take  care to give them the     
right1 it being the most honorable side4
 ,at the  end of each alley1 and when   
you must retrace your steps1 turn inside
  towards the other person1 and not     
outward1 as you would thus present  your
 back to him4 ,if you happen to be with 
two persons who are your  superiors1 do 
not place yourself in the middle1 for   
that is the place of  honor2 the right1 
is the second1 and the left the third   
place4    ,be careful also of the choice
 of places if you take an airing in a   

coach1 and yield the first seats to     
ladies and distinguished persons4  ,the 
one of most consequence gets in first1  
and places himself at the  right of the 
back seat2 the left of the same seat is 
occupied next2  then1 the third person  
seats himself on the front seat1 facing 
the one  in the first place2 the fourth 
person takes the remaining seat1 facing 
the one in the second place4 ,if there  
is no servant1 it is proper for  the    
gentlemen to open the door1 arrange the 
packets1 c4    ,in a cabriolet or       
chaise1 the right side is for the one   
who drives when  there are only two     
persons4 ,if there are three1 the driver
 sits in the  middle1 even although he  
may be very inferior to his companions4 
,i may  add1 that it is not customary   
for a lady to go alone in a hired       
cabriolet1 since she would then be in   
the company of the driver only4         
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,parties and     
,amusements4    ,we shall have but few  
things to say upon the manner of        

conducting  one's-self in a party1 for  
we should only repeat the advice we have
  already given as respects propriety in
 the carriage of the person1 in  visits1
 and in conversation4    ,if a gentleman
 enters a drawing-room where there are  
more than ten  persons1 he should salute
 all generally1 by a very respectful    
inclination of the head1 and present his
 respects first to the lady of  the     
house1 but converse at first only with  
her husband2 gentlemen  usually stand in
 groups1 while the ladies sitting1      
answer the salutation  by a similar one2
 we should remark that the ladies do not
 rise1 except  in saluting one of their 
own sex4    ,however distinguished a    
person may be1 we do not allow          
conversation to  be disturbed by their  
coming4 ,they listen for a few moments  
while  observing what persons are       
present1 then mingle in the             
conversation1  without pretending at all
 to monopolize it4 ,when conversation is
 not  general1 nor the subject          

sufficiently interesting to occupy the  
whole  company1 they break up into      
different groups4 ,each one converses   
with  one or more of his neighbors on   
his right and left4 ,we should1 if we   
wish to speak to any one1 avoid leaning 
upon the person who happens to  be      
between4 ,a gentleman ought not to lean 
upon the arm of a lady's  chair1 but he 
may1 while standing1 support himself by 
the back of it1 in  order to converse   
with the lady half turned towards him4  
,it would be extremely impolite to      
converse in a loud voice with any one   
upon private subjects1 to make use of   
allegories and particular  allusions    
which are understood only by the person 
with whom you are  conversing and       
yourself4 ,it would be equally out of   
place to converse in  a foreign         
language1 with any one who might be able
 to speak it4    ,it is not proper to   
withdraw in the midst of any            
conversation1 but to  wait until the    
subject in which you are engaged shall  

be finished2 you  then salute only the  
person with whom you have been talking1 
and depart  without taking leave of any 
one1 not even the gentleman and lady of 
the  house4    ,the mind has need of    
recreations2 it cannot be always        
occupied4 ,hence  the custom of passing 
a few moments in those family and social
 parties1  where we take part in the    
various amusements and games which have 
been  invented to relax and divert the  
mind4    ,it is useless to observe here 
that we do not mean to speak of those   
scandalous establishments in which are  
frequently swallowed up the  resources  
of families1 and where a person1 led by 
an unhappy passion1  may consume in one 
evening1 enough to furnish an annual    
support for  fifty orphans2 we design to
 speak only of those innocent games1 in 
which  we are ambitious only of the     
glory of a triumph4 ,to propose to play 
a  deep game would be to expose         
ourselves to contempt4 ,for1 those who  
composed the assembly1 would imagine    

that he who makes this request1 has  no 
other object in view but to enrich      
himself at the expense of others1  and  
that he is accustomed to frequent those 
abominable houses of which  we have just
 spoken4    ,we should have a bad       
opinion of a player who1 when he gained1
 should  show excessive joy1 and if he  
lost1 should betray the least chagrin2  
for  he ought to remember that it is    
only for amusement that he plays4       
,conduct yourself without letting escape
 the least word of  dissatisfaction1 and
 be pleasant even if you are            
unfortunate4    ,when you leave off     
playing1 converse with your adversary1  
and not seem  to avoid him1 but         
especially never speak to him of his    
good luck in  playing1 unless it be with
 a frank gaiety1 for otherwise you would
 seem  to be inspired with anger4       
,play with fairness1 and do not endeavor
 to see the hand of your  adversary in  
order to profit by it2 pay attention to 
your game1 and not  hold conversation   

with others4 ,this inattention would    
render you  necessarily insupportable to
 those who play with you4    ,if any    
play is contested1 we should not discuss
 it with warmth1 but  refer to          
disinterested persons1 explaining to    
them with calmness and  politeness the  
point in dispute4    ,in playing1 we    
must always preserve an even temper2    
neither should we  devote too much time 
to it1 for then this amusement would    
become  irksome1 and would soon be      
changed to a fatiguing occupation4      
,when the mistress of the house has     
prepared the tables for playing1 she    
takes as many cards as each game        
requires players1 and presents them to  
the persons present1 beginning with the 
one whom she wishes especially  to      
honor4 ,to accept a card1 is considered 
an engagement to play4 ,the             
distribution of the players requires all
 the attention of the mistress  of the  
house1 for there are some persons not to
 be desired for partners4  ,there are1  

besides1 bad players1 persons who being 
little accustomed to  playing1 stop a   
long time to think1 bite their lips1    
strike their feet  together under the   
table1 drum upon the table with their   
fingers2  pretend that such a person    
being near brings them bad luck1 and    
request  out of their turn to shuffle   
the cards1 in order to change the luck1 
c4    ,the mistress of the house        
experiences1 besides the embarrassment  
of  arranging these unlucky players1    
sufficient trouble in keeping from the  
same table1 those who have any antipathy
 to one another4    ,when we commence   
playing1 we salute1 by an inclination of
 the head1 the  persons with whom we    
play1 as we deal to them the first card4
 ,gentlemen  should collect the cards at
 the end of each hand1 shuffle1 and     
present  them to the lady who is to     
deal4    ,we may1 without impropriety1  
ask of any one if he plays such a game1 
even if he plays well2 and we may ask   
those invited to play1 whom they  desire

 as partners4 ,the most honorable set1  
namely1 that in which the  mistress of  
the house plays1 can never be refused1  
unless we are  unacquainted with        
playing4      ,,section ,,iii4          
,little ,sports and ,games of ,society4 
,those sports1 called innocent1         
generally please young persons of both  
sexes1 because they excite an interest1 
while they require an exercise  of the  
memory and of the mind4 ,it is          
necessary1 however1 in this1 as in      
everything else1 to manifest attention1 
delicacy1 and propriety4 ,we  ought not 
to endeavor to be noticed for our too   
great vivacity or  freedom4 ,we should  
be satisfied with showing our talent at 
playing in  our turn1 and taking part in
 the common gaiety1 without pretension  
or  too great zeal4 ,we should          
especially avoid throwing out any       
vindictive  remarks1 bestowing misplaced
 compliments1 or imposing forfeits which
  would cause mortification4    ,a young
 gentleman ought never to seize a young 

lady by the body1 catch  hold of her    
ribband or bouquet1 nor pay exclusive   
attention to the same  person4 ,he      
should be agreeable and pleasant towards
 all4    ,the selection of different    
games belongs to the ladies4 ,the person
 who  receives the company1 should be   
careful to vary them2 and when she      
perceives that any game loses its       
interest1 she should propose another4   
,there are almost always persons in     
society who wish to take the lead1  and 
give the ton2 it is a caprice or fault  
which should be avoided4 ,we  may       
modestly propose any amusement1 and ask 
the opinion of others in  regard to it2 
but never pretend to dictate1 nor even  
urge having our own  proposal accepted4 
,if it does not please generally1 we    
should be silent1  and resign ourselves 
with a good grace to the decisions of   
the majority4    ,in these little       
sports1 the penalties which are imposed1
 too often  consist in embracing the    
ladies of the company2 but as they      

cannot  refuse1 since you follow the    
rule of the game1 take care to do it    
with  such propriety1 that modesty may  
not be offended4    ,never prescribe any
 forfeiture which can wound the feelings
 of any one  of the company4            
,,chapter ,,iii4    ,of ,balls1         
,concerts1 and ,public ,shows4          
,these amusements presuppose a fortune1 
and good ton2 the practice of  society1 
therefore1 and consequently a           
forgetfulness of the precepts of        
politeness in respect to them1 would be 
truly preposterous4      ,,section ,i4  
,of ,balls4    ,i was going to say1 let 
us begin with private balls2 but ,i     
recollect  that this denomination is no 
longer fashionable4 ,we do not say1 a   
ball  at ,madam such a one's1 but an    
evening party 7soire74 ,nevertheless1   
when we wish to give a dance1 we give   
the invitations a week beforehand1  that
 the ladies may have time to prepare    
articles for their toilet4    ,if it is 
to be a simple evening party1 in which  

we may wear a summer  walking dress1 the
 mistress of the house gives verbal     
invitations and  does not omit to       
apprise her friends of this             
circumstance1 or they  might appear in  
unsuitable dresses4 ,if1 on the         
contrary1 the soire is  to be in reality
 a ball1 the invitations are written1 or
 what is better1  printed1 and expressed
 in the third person4    ,a room        
appropriated for dresses1 and furnished 
with cloak pins to hang  up the shawls  
and other garments of the ladies1 is    
almost indispensable4  ,domestics should
 be there also to aid them in taking off
 and putting on  their outside garments4
    ,we are not obliged to go exactly at
 the appointed hour2 it is even         
fashionable to go an hour later4        
,married ladies are accompanied by their
  husbands1 unmarried ones1 by their    
mother or by a chaperon4 ,these last    
ladies place themselves behind the      
dancers2 the master of the house goes   
before one and another1 procures seats  

for them1 and then mingles again  among 
the gentlemen who are standing1 and who 
form groups or walk about  the room4    
,the toilet of all the assembly should  
be made with great care4 ,a  gentleman  
who should appear in a riding-coat and  
boots1 would pass for a  person of bad  
ton4    ,when you are sure of a place in
 the dance1 you go up to a lady1 and ask
  her if she will do you the honor to   
dance with you4 ,if she answers  that   
she is engaged1 invite her for the next 
dance1 and take care not to  address    
yourself afterwards to any ladies next  
to her1 for these not  being able to    
refuse you1 would feel hurt at being    
invited after  another4 ,never wait     
until the signal is given to take a     
partner1 for  nothing is more impolite  
than to invite a lady hastily1 and when 
the  dancers are already in their       
places2 it can be allowed only when the 
set  is incomplete4    ,a lady cannot   
refuse the invitation of a gentleman to 
dance1 unless she  has already accepted 

that of another1 for she would be guilty
 of an  incivility which might occasion 
trouble2 she would besides seem to show 
contempt for him whom she refused1 and  
would expose herself to receive  an ill 
compliment from him4    ,married or     
young ladies cannot leave a ball-room or
 any other party  alone4 ,the former    
should be accompanied by one or two     
other married  ladies1 and the latter by
 their mother1 or by a lady to represent
 her4    ,we should avoid talking too   
much2 it would occasion remarks and have
 a  bad appearance to whisper           
continually in the ear of our partner4  
,the master of the house should see that
 all the ladies dance2 he should  take  
notice of those who seem to serve as    
drapery to the walls of the  ball-room1 
or wall-flowers1 as the familiar        
expression is1 and should  see that they
 are invited to dance4 ,he must do this 
wholly unperceived1  in order not to    
wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate
 ladies4    ,gentlemen whom the master  

of the house requests to dance with     
these  ladies1 should be ready to accede
 to his wish1 and even appear pleased   
at dancing with a person thus           
recommended to their notice4    ,ladies 
who dance much1 ought to be very careful
 not to boast before  those who dance   
but little or not at all1 of the great  
number of dances  for which they are    
engaged in advance4 ,they should also1  
without being  perceived1 recommend to  
these less fortunate ladies1 gentlemen  
of their  acquaintance4    ,in giving   
the hand for ladies' chain or any       
figures1 those dancing  should wear a   
smile1 and accompany it with a polite   
inclination of the  head1 in the manner 
of a salutation4 ,at the end of the     
dance1 the  gentleman re-conducts the   
lady to her place1 bows and thanks her  
for the  honor which she has conferred4 
,she also curtsies in silence1 smiling  
with a gracious air4    ,in these       
assemblies1 we ought to conduct         
ourselves with reserve and  politeness  

towards all present1 although they may  
be unknown to us4    ,persons who have  
no ear for music1 that is to say1 a     
false one1 ought to  refrain from       
dancing4    ,never hazard taking part in
 a quadrille unless you know how to     
dance  tolerably4 ,if you are a novice  
or but little skilled1 you would bring  
disorder into the midst of pleasure4    
,being once engaged to take part in  the
 dance1 if the figures are not familiar1
 be careful not to advance  first4 ,you 
can in this way govern your steps by    
those who go before you4  ,beware also  
of taking your place in a set of dancers
 more skilful than  yourself4    ,when  
an unpractised dancer makes a mistake1  
we may apprise him of his  error2 but it
 would be very impolite to have the air 
of giving him a  lesson4    ,dance with 
grace and modesty2 neither affect to    
make a parade of your  knowledge2       
refrain from great leaps and ridiculous 
jumps which would  attract the attention
 of all towards you4    ,in a private   

ball or party1 it is proper to show     
still more reserve1 and  not to manifest
 more preference for one lady than      
another2 we should  dance with all      
indiscriminately1 but we may1 moreover1 
invite the same  lady more than once4   
,in public balls1 a gentleman offers his
 partner refreshments1 which she  very  
seldom accepts1 unless she is much      
acquainted with him4 ,but in  private   
parties1 the persons who receive the    
company1 send round cake  and other     
refreshments1 of which each one helps   
himself as he pleases4  ,near the end of
 the evening1 in a well regulated ball1 
it is customary  to have a supper1 when 
the gentlemen stand behind the ladies   
who are  seated4    ,in a soire without 
great preparation1 we may dispense with 
a supper1  but refreshments are         
necessary2 and not to have them would be
 the  greatest impoliteness4    ,the    
waltz is a dance of quite too loose a   
character1 and unmarried  ladies should 
refrain from it in public and private2  

very young married  ladies1 however1 may
 be allowed to waltz in private balls1  
if it is very  seldom1 and with persons 
of their acquaintance4 ,it is           
indispensable for  them to acquit       
themselves with dignity and decency4    
,i have spoken of public balls1 in      
contradistinction to private ones1  and 
,i might also have mentioned balls by   
subscription1 for1 in regard  to the    
public balls of ,paris and other large  
cities1 we have nothing to  advise our  
readers but to shun them4 ,as to masked 
balls1 it is an  amusement altogether to
 be condemned1 except those of the      
,opera4 ,neither  should we appear there
 except in a domino4    ,we should      
retire incognito1 not to disturb the    
master and mistress of  the house2 we   
should make them during the week1 a     
visit of thanks1 at  which we may       
converse of the pleasure of the ball and
 of the good  selection of the company4 
,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,concerts4       
,the proprieties in deportment which    

concerts require1 are little  different 
from those which are recognized in every
 other assembly or in  public           
exhibitions2 for concerts partake of the
 one and the other1  according as they  
are public or private4 ,in private      
concerts1 the ladies  occupy the front  
seats1 and the gentlemen are generally  
in groups  behind1 or at the side of    
them4 ,one should observe the most      
profound  silence1 and refrain from     
beating time1 humming the airs1         
applauding1 or  making ridiculous       
gestures of admiration4 ,very often a   
dancing soire  succeeds a concert1 and  
billets of invitation distributed two or
 three  days beforehand should give     
notice of it to the persons invited4    
,when a lady is going to perform1 it is 
good ton for a gentleman to  stand      
behind the chair of the performer1 and  
turn over the leaves  attentively1 if he
 knows how to read music4    ,we ought  
also after an invitation to a concert1  
to return a visit of  thanks4           

,,section ,,iii4    ,of ,public ,shows  
or ,spectacles4    ,one would be        
deceived if he imagined that there exist
 no rules of  propriety to be observed  
in public places1 where persons assemble
  together1 and at theatrical           
exhibitions4 ,there are some general    
attentions which we should manifest to  
those persons whom we meet there4  ,it  
would be impolite to jostle continually1
 and in an importunate  manner1 those   
near whom we are placed1 to step upon   
the dress of a lady1  or run against    
those who are moving at a moderate pace4
    ,if you go with a party to a        
theatrical entertainment1 one of the    
gentlemen should carry the tickets to   
the door-keeper1 in older to avoid  any 
embarrassment to ladies on entering2 and
 when the box is open1 they  should     
place them in the front row1 according  
to their age1 or the  consideration they
 deserve4 ,young persons should occupy  
the seats  behind1 and avoid leaning    
over too much1 to the incommoding of    

those who  are seated in front of them4 
,gentlemen should address themselves to 
the attendants at the boxes1 make  them 
a compensation1 and place under their   
care their hats1 the cloaks  and other  
articles of dress of the ladies2 but we 
must not hang them  over the boxes1     
whether it is a pocket-handkerchief1 a  
tippet1 or a  shawl1 c4#ah ,nor ought a 
person to turn his back to the stage2   
for in  that case1 he exposes himself to
 the derision of the pit1 and to hear   
disagreeable remarks4 ,then the eyes of 
all would be fixed upon you2 your       
imprudence would excite a disturbance1  
which would be troublesome to the       
audience4    ,when a spectator of kind  
feelings is affected at the sight of the
  misfortunes which the heroes of the   
play suffer1 or has his sympathy        
touched by the virtues which are        
displayed1 nothing can be more annoying 
to him1 than to have constantly at his  
side1 a morose critic1 who1  without    
mercy1 finds fault with the finest parts

 of the performance1 who  sees nothing  
to his taste1 and changes into a place  
of fatigue and  ennui1 resorts          
consecrated to amusement and pleasure4  
,it is1 moreover1  almost as ridiculous 
to place no bounds to our applause4     
,when ladies enter a box where a        
gentleman is seated in front of them1   
propriety requires that he should offer 
his seat1 notwithstanding they  are     
strangers to him1 and he should insist  
upon their taking it1 even  after they  
have once refused4    ,if the heat      
incommodes you1 do not open the door of 
the box1 without the  consent of those  
who occupy it4    ,be very reserved at  
the theatre1 in order not to trouble    
those who are  near you1 and maintain a 
profound silence when the actors are on 
the  stage1 so as not to interrupt the  
attention of persons who take an        
interest in the spectacle4    ,it is    
improper to pass too positive and severe
 a judgment on the  performance1 or the 
playing of the actors1 whether to make a

 eulogium1  or to find fault with them4 
,one may meet persons of a contrary     
opinion1  and engage himself in a       
controversy which it is prudent to      
avoid4    ,between the acts1 gentlemen  
should ask the ladies if it is agreeable
 to  them to walk in the entries1 the   
saloon1 or to take refreshments4 ,they  
should also ask them if they wish for a 
journal of the theatre or play  bill1 or
 an opera glass2 and if bouquets are    
sold at the door of the  theatre1 it    
would be proper and gallant to present  
them with one4    ,as soon as you have  
arrived at the outer door of the        
theatre1 if in a  carriage1 you must    
take care to have your party all ready  
at the very  moment the carriage drives 
up4 ,it is necessary to do the same     
thing1 if  you send a porter to get a   
hired coach4        #ah ,in some of the 
theatres in ,paris1 this is however     
allowed4--,t4          ,,chapter ,,iv4  
,of the ,duties of ,hospitality4        
,those of my readers who from habit1 or 

instinct1 fear the least  appearance of 
constraint1 and perhaps even in this    
work have found  lessons of politeness  
too strict1 and have thought that       
civilization has  augmented them beyond 
measure1 will without doubt apply the   
same remark  to the present chapter4    
,but what in reality are these slight   
duties of  modern hospitality1 in       
comparison to the rigorous ones of      
ancient times8    ,when a billet of     
announcement has informed you1 as is    
customary1 that a  preceding invitation 
on your part will bring guests to your  
house1 you  must begin and carefully    
arrange the apartment you intend for    
them4 ,they  should have a good bed1 a  
bureau1 a fire in the winter1 and       
everything  which can contribute to     
their comfort2 a wash basin1 water1     
glass  tumblers1 a bottle of cologne1 a 
sugar bowl filled1 or rather a glass of 
water prepared1 several napkins1 and    
everything which will contribute to     
neatness1 or elegance1 ought to be      

placed in the apartment4    ,these      
preliminaries being arranged1 a little  
before the appointed hour1  we must go  
and wait upon our guests2 a domestic    
should go with you to  bring their      
baggage to the house4 ,you should       
embrace your friends and  congratulate  
them2 express the pleasure you enjoy in 
receiving them1  inquire kindly about   
the incidents of their journey1 and     
conduct them in  an earnest manner1 and 
introduce them1 by requesting them to   
make your  house their home2 this       
finishes the second series of the duties
 of  hospitality4    ,the third class of
 obligations1 is assiduity to your      
guests2 because  otherwise1 it would    
seem to them1 that their presence was   
troublesome4    ,to you belongs the care
 of kindly offering to their view       
everything in  your house1 in the city  
or in the country1 which is interesting2
 of  making parties in honor of them1 as
 dinner parties of their friends1 or    
such as it is presumed will please them2

 these are obligations of  hospitality  
which you cannot omit4 ,when visitors   
show any intention of  leaving you1 you 
ought affectionately to endeavor to     
retain them2  nevertheless1 if their    
resolution seems immovable1 you send to 
engage  their seats at the coach office2
 you offer them delicate refreshment1   
and accompany them thither2 then1 taking
 leave of them1 renew your  invitations 
for another visit1 and your regret at   
not having been able  to succeed better 
in retaining them4    ,to do the honors 
of one's own house1 it is necessary to  
have tact1  address1 knowledge of the   
world1 and a great evenness of temper1  
and  much affability4 ,it is necessary  
to forget one's-self1 in order to be    
occupied with others1 but without hurry1
 or affectation2 to encourage  timid    
persons1 and put them at their ease2 to 
enter into conversation1  directing it  
with address rather than sustaining it  
ourselves4    ,the mistress of a house  
ought to be obliging1 of an equal       

temper1 and  attentive in accommodating 
herself to the particular tastes of     
every  one1 especially to appear        
delighted that they are with her1 and   
make  themselves perfectly at home4     
,guests1 on their part1 should show     
themselves contented and grateful for   
the reception that is given them4 ,they 
should1 on departing1 give a  generous  
remuneration to the domestics1 and      
immediately after arriving  at home1    
write to the persons who have           
entertained them a letter of  cordial   
thanks4    ,the duties of hospitality   
are of frequent recurrence1 fatiguing   
and  troublesome1 but they are an       
indispensable obligation4 ,to omit them1
 is  to be willing to pass for a person 
of no education1 and no delicacy1 and   
in short it is to place people in a most
 embarrassing and painful  situation4   
,,part ,,iv4    ,,of ,,propriety ,,as   
,,regards ,,other ,,circumstances4      
,,chapter ,i4    ,of ,marriage and      
,baptism4      ,these two subjects have 

peculiar right to the precepts of       
politeness2  for the first is the       
closest of the social relations1 and    
both furnish  occasions for the most    
brilliant ftes4      ,,section ,i4      
,of ,marriage4#ai    ,we usually make a 
profound secret of the preliminaries of 
marriage1  because1 in case of its being
 broken off1 we are afraid of malicious 
interpretations2 but1 after the first   
words are exchanged1 it is  necessary to
 make it known in confidence to a few   
intimate friends1 and  those to whom we 
are under obligations4 ,afterwards1 we  
give intelligence  of it by letter to   
our relations4    ,a young man who      
solicits a lady in marriage1 should be  
extremely devoted  and respectful2 he   
should appear a stranger to all the     
details of  business which the two      
families discuss2 he converses with his 
intended  particularly of their future  
arrangements1 her tastes1 the selection 
of  a residence1 furniture1 bridal      
presents1 c4 ,avoiding all misplaced    

familiarity1 he calls her ,miss until   
returning from church1 on the day  of   
marriage2 he accompanies her in all     
assemblies1 and shows himself a  devoted
 suitor4    ,when the banns of matrimony
 have been published1 it is customary at
  ,paris for a bouquet-maker to come to 
adorn the bride1 presenting her  with a 
bouquet4 ,this attention requires a     
remuneration4    ,the marriage is       
declared in two ways4 ,we invite three  
or four days  beforehand persons of our 
acquaintance to assist in the nuptial   
benediction1 and we specify precisely   
the time and place where the  ceremony  
will be performed4 ,as to the legal act1
 which is performed by  civil authority1
 we invite only witnesses and near      
relations4    ,if a person is invited to
 assist at the repast or fte which      
follows the  marriage1 we make express  
mention of it at the bottom of the      
letters of  invitation4#bj    ,we simply
 communicate the fact of the marriage to
 those who have been  invited neither to

 the nuptial ceremony1 nor to the       
entertainment4  ,propriety requires that
 the person invited to the marriage     
ceremony  should come1 or send an excuse
 if it is impossible to be present4 ,a  
simple letter of announcement to        
uninvited persons1 requires only a      
visit or two2 the first of which is made
 by card4    ,presents are usually the  
preliminaries of a marriage3 those which
 the  gentleman makes his intended wife1
 are called wedding presents2 they      
consist of different articles of the    
toilet1 a set of diamonds1 c4 ,some     
persons content themselves with sending 
a purse containing a sum of  money in   
gold1 for the purchase of these things3 
the young lady then  spends it as she   
thinks proper4 ,the married gentleman is
 moreover to  make a present to each of 
the brothers and sisters of his         
intended4    ,the young lady1 on her    
part1 gives some present to her         
bridemaid3 she  often presents her with 
a dress or some ornament1 and she       

receives in  her turn from the other1 a 
girdle1 gloves1 and a bouquet of orange 
flowers4 ,since we have spoken of       
marriage presents1 we will add that at  
,paris the married lady must receive a  
gift from her sisters and cousins1  and 
that in the provincial towns1 on the    
contrary1 she must offer them  some     
token4    ,we will now pass to the      
ceremony3 after the celebration of the  
legal  act1 which may be some days      
previous1 the married couple1 followed  
by  their parents1 commonly go to the   
church in the carriages which  conducted
 them to the office where the legal act 
was performed2 for at  ,paris1 whatever 
situation in life the parties may be in1
 they never go  on foot4 ,the married   
lady goes in one carriage with her      
relations and  the bridemaid2 the       
gentleman in another carriage with his  
father and  mother1 or his nearest      
relatives4    ,the acquaintances of the 
two married persons1 repair to the      
church at  the appointed hour2 the      

friends of the gentleman place          
themselves on the  right1 those of the  
lady on the left hand1 on seats prepared
 beforehand4    ,the marriage train then
 advances in the following order2 the   
lady gives  her hand to her father1 or  
to one who represents him2 then comes   
the  gentleman with his mother1 or the  
lady who represents her1 and  afterwards
 the members of the two families follow 
in couples4    ,when the couple and     
their relations approach the altar1 each
 of the  persons present bows to them in
 silence2 the relations place themselves
  in the same order as the              
acquaintances1 and before the latter1 in
 the  front row1 which should be        
reserved for them4 ,the couple to be    
married  are placed in the middle4      
,although it is polite always to present
 the  right hand to the lady whom we    
conduct1 or to give her the right when  
we  are next her1 yet the bridegroom    
takes the right of the bride1 because1  
in this act1 which is at once religious 

and civil1 man ought to preserve  the   
prerogative which the law both human and
 divine have conferred upon  him2       
besides1 as the bridegroom is to place  
the nuptial ring on the  finger of the  
bride1 it is more convenient for him to 
be upon the right  hand than the left4  
,when the clergyman puts the questions  
to them1 each should consult their      
relations by a respectful sign of the   
head1 before answering the  decisive    
yes4    ,the veil is held over the head 
of the bride by two children whose      
parents we wish to compliment4 ,the     
business of the bridemaid who has       
presided at the toilet of the bride1 is 
to designate their places at  the       
religious ceremony in church2 and       
afterwards1 at the ball1 is to  supply  
the place of the bride1 who can take no 
active part2 it is  usually one of her  
sisters or a most intimate friend who is
 chosen for  this purpose4    ,the      
groomsman1 for there should be one or   
even more1 looks well to the  list of   

those invited to the ceremony1 to see   
what persons are absent1  because it is 
the custom of married persons not to    
make the marriage  visit to any one who 
has been guilty of this impoliteness4   
,the married gentleman must give        
presents to the attendants at the       
church1 the poor1 c4    ,after the      
nuptial benediction1 the married couple 
again salute the  assembly1 and then    
receive the compliments of each one4    
,there are some  families in a more     
humble situation1 where the married lady
 is embraced  by all at the marriage    
ceremony2 in those in a higher station  
in life1  she embraces only her father1 
her mother1 and her new relations4      
,the new husband gives his hand to his  
wife when returning from the  church2   
nevertheless at dinner he should be     
placed between his mother  and his      
mother-in-law1 while his wife is to be  
seated between her father  and          
father-in-law4    ,in case there is a   
supper1 the married couple sit next each

 other4    ,the married lady opens the  
ball with the most distinguished person 
in  the assembly2 she retires privately1
 accompanied by her mother1 and one  or 
more near relations whom they wish to   
compliment4    ,the newly married couple
 make marriage visits in the course of a
  fortnight1 in a carriage1 and in full 
dress4 ,they should make these  visits  
alone4 ,they leave their cards for those
 with whom they do not  wish to be      
intimate4    ,such are the received     
usages in the capital4 ,in the          
provinces1 many of  the old and common  
customs are preserved1 as the gift of a 
laced shirt  bosom to the husband by his
 wife2 wedding favors or ribbands for   
the  wife1 ribbands of two colors with  
which they decorate the young persons   
in the marriage suite1 c4        #ai    
,the greater part of the marriage       
ceremonies here described1 are          
according to the usages of ,catholic    
countries1 but some of them         are 
applicable to our own2 and it has been  

thought that it would         be        
interesting to ,american readers to     
retain the whole as in the              
original4--,t4      #bj ,these letters  
are usually duplicates1 for the         
invitation should         appear to be  
given by the parents of both the future 
couple4      ,,section ,,ii4    ,of     
,baptism4#ba    ,we must invite several 
months beforehand the godfather and     
godmother of  the child that is to be   
baptized4 ,if the ties of blood have    
given you a  right to this onerous duty1
 you cannot dispense with it4 ,if not1  
you  can seek a specious excuse4        
,when one has consented to hold the     
infant at the baptismal font1 he  should
 perform this duty in a becoming manner1
 and according to his own  condition and
 that of the parents of the child4    ,a
 present should be given to the mother1 
and this present usually  consists of   
confectionary4 ,we must also give one to
 the godmother1 a  pair of white gloves 
and comfits2 if she is a young person1  

she commonly  receives a bouquet of     
white flowers in addition4 ,if the      
godfather wishes  to show her any       
attention1 he can add to the presents an
 elegant and  valuable object1 such as a
 fan2 but in that case it is good ton   
for  the godmother to send in return    
some rich and tasteful present4 ,she    
also  has the honor of giving to the    
child a cap1 and often a baptismal robe4
  ,to her also belongs the duty of      
putting the first dress on the child4   
,the attendant and the nurse have also a
 present4    ,the officers of the       
church1 and the poor1 should each       
receive a gratuity  proportionate to    
their condition4 ,we simply put a piece 
of money into  the hands of the humbler 
persons2 but we present the clergyman   
with a  box of presents in which is     
enclosed a piece of gold or silver4     
,persons of a very high class in order  
to free their friends from these        
expenses1 send their domestics to       
present their children at the  baptismal

 font4 ,this is a most unbecoming       
custom2 it seems to consider  this holy 
consecration as a slavish ceremony1 and 
destroys at its source  the sentiment of
 respect and affection1 that a godson or
 daughter should  inspire in those who  
have adopted them before ,god4    ,at   
whatever hour the ceremony is appointed1
 we go to the church in a  carriage at  
the expense of the godfather4 ,he and   
the godmother pass in  first2 then comes
 the infant borne by its nurse or a     
matron2 then the  father1 who           
accompanies the other invited persons4  
,it is the custom in many houses to     
give1 after returning from the  baptism1
 an elegant entertainment1 of which the 
godfather and godmother  receive all the
 honor4 ,above all1 they should give    
their godchild new  year's gifts while  
it is a child1 and manifest their       
affection during  the whole of its life4
        #ba ,most of the observances    
which follow1 as well as those in the   
section on marriage1 have more          

particular reference to the forms       
of the ,catholic and ,episcopal         
churches4--,t4          ,,chapter ,,ii4 
,of ,duties toward the ,unfortunate4    
,propriety1 the guide of all our        
relations1 cannot remain a stranger to  
the unfortunate2 that which takes       
possession of all our sentiments1       
cannot forget to pity4 ,it is in this   
light that it is peculiarly  touching1  
that it is almost religious1 since it   
even contributes to bind  closer this   
first1 this powerful tie of humanity4   
,,section ,i4    ,of ,duties toward the 
,sick1 ,infirm1 and ,unfortunate4       
,when any one of your acquaintance is   
ill1 you should regularly send a        
domestic1 to inquire after their health1
 every day1 or every other day1         
according to the virulence and nature of
 the disease4 ,if there is  immediate   
danger1 we should send to inquire even  
twice a day4 ,from time  to time1 you   
should send to know whether the sick    
person can see any  one1 because in that

 case you must go and testify in person1
 all your  interest4 ,you should        
continue to obtain information about    
their health  until their recovery or   
death4    ,our visits to the sick should
 be very short1 silent1 and reserved4   
,we  should address to them words of    
interest in a low voice1 and speak      
softly to the member of the family who  
takes charge of them4 ,we ask him  who  
is his physician1 what is the treatment2
 we urge every motive of  consolation   
and hope2 we ought hardly to reply to   
the questions the  person in attendance 
asks1 with regard to our own health1 or 
business1  and we retire reiterating the
 proofs of our interest4 ,if the person 
is  convalescent or only indisposed1 you
 address a thousand questions           
concerning their complaints2 you        
sympathize with them1 praise their      
patience1 and describe to them the      
pleasant image of returning health4     
,you must be on your guard not to say   
that you find their features much       

changed1 that their recovery may be     
slow1 c4    ,to speak these truths is   
very mal-apropos1 and with reason2 you  
would  pass for having an unfeeling     
heart1 or1 rather1 a limited            
understanding4    ,when sufferings and  
troubles assume a virulent aspect1 and  
resist all  the efforts of medical      
skill1 they are infirmities indeed1 and 
a silence  the most absolute and        
rigorous with respect to them1 should be
  observed4    ,not only ought you never
 to speak to an infirm person of his    
misfortune1  but you should also        
carefully avoid mentioning any person   
who is  afflicted in the same way1 and  
of thus alluding indirectly to his own  
case4    ,the only occasion when this is
 allowed1 is where you can make it      
appear  to him that the comforts of     
which he is deprived are not so         
permanent  but that you have experienced
 similar inconveniences from the same   
cause4 ,thus to a lame person1 you might
 say that you yourself are  fatigued    

with walking1 that your own legs are not
 firm1 c4 ,if the  infirmity is not too 
visible1 and the poor subject speaks to 
you of it1  assure him earnestly that   
you should not have observed it4 ,if he 
complains to you1 offer him motives of  
consolation1 and take care that  you    
change the subject of conversation      
before he does1 for you might  make him 
think that you are importuning him about
 his malady4 ,finally1  do all in your  
power to comfort him4 ,if he is         
afflicted with imperfect  sight1 place  
objects near him1 but without           
affectation1 and without  having the air
 of making him think that he requires   
your assistance1  neither permit him to 
thank you4 ,if he is troubled with      
deafness1 you  must not speak           
unreasonably loud2 bring back the       
attention of the  unfortunate person to 
the subject of your conversation by     
skilful and  delicate transitions1 and  
not abruptly say to him1 ,we were       
speaking of  such a thing4 ,this is much

 trouble1 perhaps you will say4 ,trouble
 to  console people6 ,why1 you take more
 to please them6    ,persons who are    
reduced in circumstances1 keep up in    
their misfortune  7at least in society7 
their habits of opulence2 and to manage 
with such  persons requires not a little
 skill4    ,if they invite you to their 
frugal repasts1 if they offer you any   
presents1 let not the fear of           
occasioning them expense1 induce you to 
refuse with warmth1 and with obstinacy2 
you would wound them deeply4  ,accept   
them1 and seek an opportunity of        
repaying with interest1 these  proofs of
 their politeness4 ,do not speak to them
 first of their sad  situation2 but if  
they introduce the subject themselves1  
receive their  confidence with a        
respectful and affectionate attention4  
,show how much  you are affected with   
that which grieves them1 and without    
forgetting  discretion1 endeavor1 in    
appearance at least1 to render them     
confidence  for confidence4             

,,section ,,ii4    ,of ,funerals and    
,mourning4    ,when we lose any one of  
our family1 we should give intelligence 
of it to  all persons who have had      
relations of business or friendship with
 the  deceased4 ,this letter of         
announcement usually contains an        
invitation  to assist at the service and
 burial4    ,on receiving this          
invitation1 we should go to the house of
 the deceased1  and follow the body as  
far as the church4 ,we are excused from 
accompanying it to the burying-ground1  
unless it be a relation1 a  friend1 or a
 superior4 ,if we go as far as the      
burying-ground1 we must  give the first 
carriages to the relations or most      
intimate friends of  the deceased4 ,we  
should walk with the head uncovered1    
silently1 and with  a sad and thoughtful
 mien4 ,relations ought not1 from       
considerations of  propriety1 to give   
themselves up too much to their grief4  
,you will owe a  visit to persons who   
have invited you1 if you have not been  

able to  accept their invitation4 ,if   
you have attended the ceremony1 then    
they  are the ones that owe the visit4  
,at an interment or funeral service1 the
 members of the family are  entitled to 
the first places2 they are nearest to   
the coffin1 whether in  the procession1 
or in the church4 ,the nearest relations
 go in a full  mourning dress4 ,it is   
not customary at ,paris for women to    
follow the  procession2 and1 nowhere do 
they go quite to the grave1 unless they 
are  of a low class4 ,a widower or a    
widow1 a father or mother1 are not      
present at the interment1 or funeral    
service of those whom they have  lost4  
,the first are presumed not to be able  
to support the afflicting  ceremony2 the
 second ought not to show this mark of  
deference4    ,there are two kinds of   
mourning1 the full and the half         
mourning4 ,the  full mourning is worn   
for a father1 mother1 grandfather1      
grandmother1  husband1 wife1 brother and
 sister4 ,it is divided into three      

periods4#bb  ,for the first six weeks1  
we wear only woollen garments2 in the   
six weeks  following1 we wear silk1 and 
the three last months1 we mingle white  
with  the black4    ,half mourning is   
worn for uncles1 aunts1 cousins1 and    
second cousins4  ,the first fortnight we
 wear black silk1 and the last week1    
white mixed  with black4    ,custom     
requires that a woman should wear       
mourning for her husband a year  and six
 weeks1 while that of a widower is only 
six months4 ,this  difference1 which may
 appear singular1 is founded upon       
reasons of  convenience and social      
relations4    ,in the three first months
 of mourning for her husband1 a woman   
wears  only woollen garments2 the six   
first weeks1 her head dress and         
neck-kerchief are black crape or gauze2 
in the six following weeks1  they are   
white crape or linen4 ,the next six     
months1 she dresses in black  silk2 in  
winter1 gros de ,naples2 in summer1     
taffetas4 ,head dress1 white  crape4    

,the three last months1 she wears black 
and white1 and the six  last weeks1     
white only4    ,the mourning on the     
death of a wife1 is a black cloth coat  
without  buttons1#bc dark shoes1 woollen
 hose1 black buckles1 and a sword-knot  
of crape1 if the person carries one4 ,at
 the end of six weeks1 we may  wear a   
black coat with buttons1 black silk     
hose1 silver buckles1 and a  black      
ribband upon the sword4 ,the half       
mourning of the three last months  is a 
black coat1 a sword and silver buckles1 
white silk stockings1 and a  sword-knot 
of black and white4    ,it is altogether
 contrary to propriety to select for    
yourself at the  shops the articles of  
mourning1 to have them made in your     
presence1 or  to make them yourself2    
and1 for a fortnight at least1 and      
sometimes even  for the six first weeks1
 ladies ought not to sew1 even while    
receiving  their relations and intimate 
friends1 so much are they supposed to be
  depressed by their affliction4        

,during forty days we do not leave the  
house1 except to go to church2 it  would
 be very improper to visit1 dine out1 or
 go to any assembly during  the first   
mourning4 ,when this time has expired1  
we make visits of  mourning1 and go out 
a little more1 but we cannot yet appear 
in public  promenades1 at spectacles or 
balls2 we cannot sing1 even at home4 ,it
 is  only at the time of half mourning  
that we resume by degrees our former    
habits of life4    ,for ten days at     
least1 after the death of a very near   
relation1 it would  be very             
reprehensible for people whose          
profession recalls ideas of  pleasure1  
as musicians1 or dancing masters1 to    
return to their  employment4    ,in full
 mourning1 we should wear neither curls 
nor perfumes4 ,to be  present at a      
funeral1 or even to look at one passing1
 are forbidden at  this time4 ,attending
 a funeral service1 other than that of a
 relation1  is equally prohibited4      
,excepting during this period1 it is    

impolite not  to attend when invited to 
the funeral service of your             
acquaintances4 ,you  should appear there
 in mourning4 ,at the funeral service1  
as well as at  the interment1 the male  
relatives go first1 and then those      
invited2 the  female relatives go next1 
and are followed by other ladies4    ,if
 we marry a person who is in mourning1  
we put on black the day after  our      
marriage2 the time preceding is reckoned
 as if the mourning had been  worn4 ,on 
the contrary1 if we ourselves are       
married again at a time when  the death 
of a relation by our former marriage    
requires this sombre  dress1 we leave it
 off immediately1 since our new union   
annuls the  former alliance4    ,visits 
which are paid to persons in mourning1  
are called visits of  condolence4 ,in   
making them1 we observe silence1 and    
never inquire about  their health2 this 
would be out of place4 ,a gentleman     
offers them his  hand1 a lady embraces  
them1 even though they are but slightly 

acquainted4 ,we refrain from conversing 
on too gay or personal subjects4    ,if 
we are at a distance1 we testify by     
letter our sympathy in the  misfortune  
which afflicts them4 ,their grief cannot
 excuse them from  answering us1 but it 
is not immediately necessary4    ,with  
this subject1 we shall conclude our     
treatise of politeness2 hoping  that1   
having arrived at this point1 our       
readers may say1 ',without any  doubt   
the work is full and methodical2' we    
shall not dare to flatter  ourselves    
with more1 but this is enough1 for it is
 being sure that our  labor has been    
useful4    ,we trust then that we have  
rendered an essential service to youth1 
in  making them acquainted with these   
rules1 which have become so necessary2  
in truth1 politeness1 on which at the   
present day we pride ourselves1 is  a   
virtue which we ought never to renounce1
 since it gives to the  intercourse of  
life1 that sweetness1 pleasure1 elegance
 and charm which  can be truly felt only

 by those who possess it4 ,as the       
intellectual  ,madam ,lambert has said1 
',politeness is the desire of pleasing  
those with  whom we are obliged to live1
 and in a manner causing all around us  
to be  satisfied with us2 superiors1    
with our respect2 equals1 with our      
esteem2  and inferiors1 with our        
kindness4'        #bb ,several of the   
particulars which follow1 are not       
observed in         this country4--,t4  
#bc ,it is not the custom among us to   
dispense with buttons4--,t4             
,transcriber's ,notes      ,inconsistent
 hyphenation retained as originally     
printed  7-propos_/propos1              
fire-place_/fireplace1                  
re-conduct_/reconduct7    ,inconsistent 
and archaic spelling retained as        
originally printed  7visitor_/visiter1  
every thing_/everything1 ancle1         
accessary1  bridemaid1 inquiet1         
pantomine1 secrecy1 synonyme7