,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,,jean         
,,jacques ,,rousseau 7,in #ab books7    
,privately ,printed for the ,members of 
the ,aldus ,society  ,london1 #aijc     
,,book ,,ix4   ,my impatience to inhabit
 the ,hermitage not permitting me to    
wait until the return of fine weather1  
the moment my lodging was prepared ,i   
hastened to take possession of it1 to   
the great amusement of the ',coterie    
,holbachaque'1 which publicly predicted 
,i should not be able to support        
solitude for three months1 and that ,i  
should unsuccessfully return to ,paris1 
and live there as they did4  ,for my    
part1 having for fifteen years been out 
of my element1 finding myself upon the  
eve of returning to it1 ,i paid no      
attention to their pleasantries4  ,since
 contrary to my inclinations1 ,i have   
again entered the world1 ,i have        
incessantly regretted my dear           
,charmettes1 and the agreeable life ,i  
led there4  ,i felt a natural           
inclination to retirement and the       

country3 it was impossible for me to    
live happily elsewhere4  ,at ,venice1 in
 the train of public affairs1 in the    
dignity of a kind of representation1 in 
the pride of projects of advancement2 at
 ,paris1 in the vortex of the great     
world1 in the luxury of suppers1 in the 
brilliancy of spectacles1 in the rays of
 splendor2 my groves1 rivulets1 and     
solitary walks1 constantly presented    
themselves to my recollection1          
interrupted my thought1 rendered me     
melancholy1 and made me sigh with       
desire4  ,all the labor to which ,i had 
subjected myself1 every project of      
ambition which by fits had animated my  
ardor1 all had for object this happy    
country retirement1 which ,i now thought
 near at hand4  ,without having acquired
 a genteel independence1 which ,i had   
judged to be the only means of          
accomplishing my views1 ,i imagined     
myself1 in my particular situation1 to  
be able to do without it1 and that ,i   
could obtain the same end by a means    

quite opposite4  ,i had no regular      
income2 but ,i possessed some talents1  
and had acquired a name4 ,my wants were 
few1 and ,i had freed myself from all   
those which were most expensive1 and    
which merely depended on prejudice and  
opinion4  ,besides this1 although       
naturally indolent1 ,i was laborious    
when ,i chose to be so4 and my idleness 
was less that of an indolent man1 than  
that of an independent one who applies  
to business when it pleases him4 ,my    
profession of a copyist of music was    
neither splendid nor lucrative1 but it  
was certain4  ,the world gave me credit 
for the courage ,i had shown in making  
choice of it4  ,i might depend upon     
having sufficient employment to enable  
me to live4  ,two thousand livres which 
remained of the produce of the ',devin  
du ,village'1 and my other writings1    
were a sum which kept me from being     
straitened1 and several works ,i had    
upon the stocks promised me1 without    
extorting money from the booksellers1   

supplies sufficient to enable me to work
 at my ease without exhausting myself1  
even by turning to advantage the leisure
 of my walks4  ,my little family1       
consisting of three persons1 all of whom
 were usefully employed1 was not        
expensive to support4  ,finally1 from my
 resources1 proportioned to my wants and
 desires1 ,i might reasonably expect a  
happy and permanent existence1 in that  
manner of life which my inclination had 
induced me to adopt4  ,i might have     
taken the interested side of the        
question1 and1 instead of subjecting my 
pen to copying1 entirely devoted it to  
works which1 from the elevation to which
 ,i had soared1 and at which ,i found   
myself capable of continuing1 might have
 enabled me to live in the midst of     
abundance1 nay1 even of opulence1 had ,i
 been the least disposed to join the    
manoeuvres of an author to the care of  
publishing a good book4  ,but ,i felt   
that writing for bread would soon have  
extinguished my genius1 and destroyed my

 talents1 which were less in my pen than
 in my heart1 and solely proceeded from 
an elevated and noble manner of         
thinking1 by which alone they could be  
cherished and preserved4  ,nothing      
vigorous or great can come from a pen   
totally venal4  ,necessity1 nay1 even   
avarice1 perhaps1 would have made me    
write rather rapidly than well4  ,if the
 desire of success had not led me into  
cabals1 it might have made me endeavor  
to publish fewer true and useful works  
than those which might be pleasing to   
the multitude2 and instead of a         
distinguished author1 which ,i might    
possibly become1 ,i should have been    
nothing more than a scribbler4 ,no3 ,i  
have always felt that the profession of 
letters was illustrious in proportion as
 it was less a trade4  ,it is too       
difficult to think nobly when we think  
for a livelihood4  ,to be able to dare  
even to speak great truths1 an author   
must be independent of success4  ,i gave
 my books to the public with a certainty

 of having written for the general good 
of mankind1 without giving myself the   
least concern about what was to follow4 
,if the work was thrown aside1 so much  
the worse for such as did not choose to 
profit by it4  ,their approbation was   
not necessary to enable me to live1 my  
profession was sufficient to maintain me
 had not my works had a sale1 for which 
reason alone they all sold4  ,it was on 
the ninth of ,august1 #agef1 that ,i    
left cities1 never to reside in them    
again3 for ,i do not call a residence   
the few days ,i afterwards remained in  
,paris1 ,london1 or other cities1 always
 on the wing1 or contrary to my         
inclinations4  ,madam d',epinay came and
 took us all three in her coach2 her    
farmer carted away my little baggage1   
and ,i was put into possession the same 
day4  ,i found my little retreat simply 
furnished1 but neatly1 and with some    
taste4  ,the hand which had lent its aid
 in this furnishing rendered it         
inestimable in my eyes1 and ,i thought  

it charming to be the guest of my female
 friend in a house ,i had made choice   
of1 and which she had caused to be built
 purposely for me4  ,although the       
weather was cold1 and the ground lightly
 covered with snow1 the earth began to  
vegetate3 violets and primroses already 
made their appearance1 the trees began  
to bud1 and the evening of my arrival   
was distinguished by the song of the    
nightingale1 which was heard almost     
under my window1 in a wood adjoining the
 house4  ,after a light sleep1          
forgetting when ,i awoke my change of   
abode1 ,i still thought myself in the   
,rue ,grenelle1 when suddenly this      
warbling made me give a start1 and ,i   
exclaimed in my transport3 ,at length1  
all my wishes are accomplished6 ,the    
first thing ,i did was to abandon myself
 to the impression of the rural objects 
with which ,i was surrounded4  ,instead 
of beginning to set things in order in  
my new habitation1 ,i began by doing it 
for my walks1 and there was not a path1 

a copse1 a grove1 nor a corner in the   
environs of my place of residence that  
,i did not visit the next day4  ,the    
more ,i examined this charming retreat1 
the more ,i found it to my wishes4      
,this solitary1 rather than savage1 spot
 transported me in idea to the end of   
the world4  ,it had striking beauties   
which are but seldom found near cities1 
and never1 if suddenly transported      
thither1 could any person have imagined 
himself within four leagues of ,paris4  
,after abandoning myself for a few days 
to this rural delirium1 ,i began to     
arrange my papers1 and regulate my      
occupations4  ,i set apart1 as ,i had   
always done1 my mornings to copying1 and
 my afternoons to walking1 provided with
 my little paper book and a pencil1 for 
never having been able to write and     
think at my ease except 'sub dio'1 ,i   
had no inclination to depart from this  
method1 and ,i was persuaded the forest 
of ,montmorency1 which was almost at my 
door1 would in future be my closet and  

study4  ,i had several works begun2     
these ,i cast my eye over4  ,my mind was
 indeed fertile in great projects1 but  
in the noise of the city the execution  
of them had gone on but slowly4  ,i     
proposed to myself to use more diligence
 when ,i should be less interrupted4  ,i
 am of opinion ,i have sufficiently     
fulfilled this intention2 and for a man 
frequently ill1 often at ,la ,chevrette1
 at ,epinay1 at ,raubonne1 at the castle
 of ,montmorency1 at other times        
interrupted by the indolent and curious1
 and always employed half the day in    
copying1 if what ,i produced during the 
six years ,i passed at the ,hermitage   
and at ,montmorency be considered1 ,i am
 persuaded it will appear that if1 in   
this interval1 ,i lost my time1 it was  
not in idleness4  ,of the different     
works ,i had upon the stocks1 that ,i   
had longest resolved in my mind which   
was most to my taste2 to which ,i       
destined a certain portion of my life1  
and which1 in my opinion1 was to confirm

 the reputation ,i had acquired1 was my 
',institutions ,politiques4  ,i had1    
fourteen years before1 when at ,venice1 
where ,i had an opportunity of remarking
 the defects of that government so much 
boasted of1 conceived the first idea of 
them4  ,since that time my views had    
become much more extended by the        
historical study of morality4  ,i had   
perceived everything to be radically    
connected with politics1 and that1 upon 
whatever principles these were founded1 
a people would never be more than that  
which the nature of the government made 
them2 therefore the great question of   
the best government possible appeared to
 me to be reduced to this3 ,what is the 
nature of a government the most proper  
to form the most virtuous and           
enlightened1 the wisest and best people1
 taking the last epithet in its most    
extensive meaning8  ,i thought this     
question was much if not quite of the   
same nature with that which follows3    
,what government is that which1 by its  

nature1 always maintains itself nearest 
to the laws1 or least deviates from the 
laws4  ,hence1 what is the law8  and a  
series of questions of similar          
importance4  ,i perceived these led to  
great truths1 useful to the happiness of
 mankind1 but more especially to that of
 my country1 wherein1 in the journey ,i 
had just made to it1 ,i had not found   
notions of laws and liberty either      
sufficiently just or clear4 ,i had      
thought this indirect manner of         
communicating these to my               
fellow-citizens would be least          
mortifying to their pride1 and might    
obtain me forgiveness for having seen a 
little further than themselves4         
,although ,i had already labored five or
 six years at the work1 the progress ,i 
had made in it was not considerable4    
,writings of this kind require          
meditation1 leisure and tranquillity4   
,i had besides written the              
',institutions ,politiques'1 as the     
expression is1 'en bonne fortune'1 and  

had not communicated my project to any  
person2 not even to ,diderot4 ,i was    
afraid it would be thought too daring   
for the age and country in which ,i     
wrote1 and that the fears of my friends 
would restrain me from carrying it into 
execution4       ,it was more especially
 the wise severity of ,duclos which     
inspired      me with this fear2 as for 
,diderot1 ,i know not by what means all 
my      conferences with him tended to  
make me more satirical than my          
natural disposition inclined me to be4  
,this prevented me from      consulting 
him upon an undertaking1 in which ,i    
wished to introduce      nothing but the
 force of reasoning without the least   
appearance of      ill humor or         
partiality4  ,the manner of this work   
may be judged of      by that of the    
',contrat ,social'1 which is taken from 
it4  ,i did not yet know that it would  
be finished in time1 and in such a      
manner as to appear before my decease4  
,i wished fearlessly to give to my      

subject everything it required2 fully   
persuaded that not being of a satirical 
turn1 and never wishing to be personal1 
,i should in equity always be judged    
irreprehensible4  ,i undoubtedly wished 
fully to enjoy the right of thinking    
which ,i had by birth2 but still        
respecting the government under which ,i
 lived1 without ever disobeying its     
laws1 and very attentive not to violate 
the rights of persons1 ,i would not from
 fear renounce its advantages4  ,i      
confess1 even that1 as a stranger1 and  
living in ,france1 ,i found my situation
 very favorable in daring to speak the  
truth2 well knowing that continuing1 as 
,i was determined to do1 not to print   
anything in the kingdom without         
permission1 ,i was not obliged to give  
to any person in it an account of my    
maxims nor of their publication         
elsewhere4  ,i should have been less    
independent even at ,geneva1 where1 in  
whatever place my books might have been 
printed1 the magistrate had a right to  

criticise their contents4  ,this        
consideration had greatly contributed to
 make me yield to the solicitations of  
,madam d',epinay1 and abandon the       
project of fixing my residence at       
,geneva4  ,i felt1 as ,i have remarked  
in my ,emilius1 that unless an author be
 a man of intrigue1 when he wishes to   
render his works really useful to any   
country whatsoever1 he must compose them
 in some other4  ,what made me find my  
situation still more happy1 was my being
 persuaded that the government of       
,france would1 perhaps1 without looking 
upon me with a very favorable eye1 make 
it a point to protect me1 or at least   
not to disturb my tranquillity4  ,it    
appeared to me a stroke of simple1 yet  
dexterous policy1 to make a merit of    
tolerating that which there was no means
 of preventing2 since1 had ,i been      
driven from ,france1 which was all      
government had the right to do1 my work 
would still have been written1 and      
perhaps with less reserve2 whereas if ,i

 were left undisturbed1 the author      
remained to answer for what he wrote1   
and a prejudice1 general throughout all 
,europe1 would be destroyed by acquiring
 the reputation of observing a proper   
respect for the rights of persons4      
,they who1 by the event1 shall judge ,i 
was deceived1 may perhaps be deceived in
 their turn4  ,in the storm which has   
since broken over my head1 my books     
served as a pretence1 but it was against
 my person that every shaft was         
directed4  ,my persecutors gave         
themselves but little concern about the 
author1 but they wished to ruin ,jean   
,jacques2 and the greatest evil they    
found in my writings was the honor they 
might possibly do me4  ,let us not      
encroach upon the future4  ,i do not    
know that this mystery1 which is still  
one to me1 will hereafter be cleared up 
to my readers2 but had my avowed        
principles been of a nature to bring    
upon me the treatment ,i received1 ,i   
should sooner have become their victim1 

since the work in which these principles
 are manifested with most courage1 not  
to call it audacity1 seemed to have had 
its effect previous to my retreat to the
 ,hermitage1 without ,i will not only   
say my having received the least        
censure1 but without any steps having   
been taken to prevent the publication of
 it in ,france1 where it was sold as    
publicly as in ,holland4 ,the ,new      
,eloisa afterwards appeared with the    
same facility1 ,i dare add2 with the    
same applause3 and1 what seems          
incredible1 the profession of faith of  
this ,eloisa at the point of death is   
exactly similar to that of the ,savoyard
 vicar4  ,every strong idea in the      
,social ,contract had been before       
published in the discourse on           
,inequality2 and every bold opinion in  
,emilius previously found in ,eloisa4   
,this unrestrained freedom did not      
excite the least murmur against the     
first two works2 therefore it was not   
that which gave cause to it against the 

latter4  ,another undertaking much of   
the same kind1 but of which the project 
was more recent1 then engaged my        
attention3 this was the extract of the  
works of the ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre1 of
 which1 having been led away by the     
thread of my narrative1 ,i have not     
hitherto been able to speak4  ,the idea 
was suggested to me1 after my return    
from ,geneva1 by the ,abbe ,malby1 not  
immediately from himself1 but by the    
interposition of ,madam ,dupin1 who had 
some interest in engaging me to adopt   
it4  ,she was one of the three or       
four-pretty women of ,paris1 of whom the
 ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre had been the   
spoiled child1 and although she had not 
decidedly had the preference1 she had at
 least partaken of it with ,madam       
d',aiguillon4  ,she preserved for the   
memory of the good man a respect and an 
affection which did honor to them both2 
and her self-love would have been       
flattered by seeing the still-born works
 of her friend brought to life by her   

secretary4  ,these works contained      
excellent things1 but so badly told that
 the reading of them was almost         
insupportable2 and it is astonishing the
 ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre1 who looked    
upon his readers as schoolboys1 should  
nevertheless have spoken to them as men1
 by the little care he took to induce   
them to give him a hearing4  ,it was for
 this purpose that the work was proposed
 to me as useful in itself1 and very    
proper for a man laborious in manoeuvre1
 but idle as an author1 who finding the 
trouble of thinking very fatiguing1     
preferred1 in things which pleased him1 
throwing a light upon and extending the 
ideas of others1 to producing any       
himself4 ,besides1 not being confined to
 the functions of a translator1 ,i was  
at liberty sometimes to think for       
myself2 and ,i had it in my power to    
give such a form to my work1 that many  
important truths would pass in it under 
the name of the ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre1
 much more safely than under mine4 ,the 

undertaking also was not trifling2 the  
business was nothing less than to read  
and meditate twenty-three volumes1      
diffuse1 confused1 full of long         
narrations and periods1 repetitions1 and
 false or little views1 from amongst    
which it was necessary to select some   
few that were good and useful1 and      
sufficiently encouraging to enable me to
 support the painful labor4  ,i         
frequently wished to have given it up1  
and should have done so1 could ,i have  
got it off my hands with a great grace2 
but when ,i received the manuscripts of 
the abbe1 which were given to me by his 
nephew1 the ,comte de ,saint ,pierre1 ,i
 had1 by the solicitation of ,st4       
,lambert1 in some measure engaged to    
make use of them1 which ,i must either  
have done1 or have given them back4  ,it
 was with the former intention ,i had   
taken the manuscripts to the ,hermitage1
 and this was the first work to which ,i
 proposed to dedicate my leisure hours4 
,i had likewise in my own mind projected

 a third1 the idea of which ,i owed to  
the observations ,i had made upon myself
 and ,i felt the more disposed to       
undertake this work1 as ,i had reason to
 hope ,i could make it a truly useful   
one1 and perhaps1 the most so of any    
that could be offered to the world1 were
 the execution equal to the plan ,i had 
laid down4  ,it has been remarked that  
most men are in the course of their     
lives frequently unlike themselves1 and 
seem to be transformed into others very 
different from what they were4  ,it was 
not to establish a thing so generally   
known that ,i wished to write a book2 ,i
 had a newer and more important object4 
,this was to search for the causes of   
these variations1 and1 by confining my  
observations to those which depend on   
ourselves1 to demonstrate in what manner
 it might be possible to direct them1 in
 order to render us better and more     
certain of our dispositions4  ,for it is
 undoubtedly more painful to an honest  
man to resist desires already formed1   

and which it is his duty to subdue1 than
 to prevent1 change1 or modify the same 
desires in their source1 were he capable
 of tracing them to it4  ,a man under   
temptation resists once because he has  
strength of mind1 he yields another time
 because this is overcome2 had it been  
the same as before he would again have  
triumphed4  ,by examining within myself1
 and searching in others what could be  
the cause of these different manners of 
being1 ,i discovered that1 in a great   
measure they depended on the anterior   
impressions of external objects2 and    
that1 continually modified by our senses
 and organs1 we1 without knowing it1    
bore in our ideas1 sentiments1 and even 
actions1 the effect of these            
modifications4  ,the striking and       
numerous observations ,i had collected  
were beyond all manner of dispute1 and  
by their natural principle seemed proper
 to furnish an exterior regimen1 which  
varied according to circumstances1 might
 place and support the mind in the state

 most favorable to virtue4  ,from how   
many mistakes would reason be preserved1
 how many vices would be stifled in     
their birth1 were it possible to force  
animal economy to favor moral order1    
which it so frequently disturbs6        
,climate1 seasons1 sounds1 colors1      
light1 darkness1 the elements1 ailments1
 noise1 silence1 motion1 rest1 all act  
on the animal machine1 and consequently 
on the mind3 all offer a thousand means1
 almost certain of directing in their   
origin the sentiments by which we suffer
 ourselves to be governed4  ,such was   
the fundamental idea of which ,i had    
already made a sketch upon paper1 and   
whence ,i hoped for an effect the more  
certain1 in favor of persons well       
disposed1 who1 sincerely loving virtue1 
were afraid of their own weakness1 as it
 appeared to me easy to make of it a    
book as agreeable to read as it was to  
compose4 ,i have1 however1 applied      
myself but very little to this work1 the
 title of which was to have been        

',morale ,sensitive' ou le ,materialisme
 du ,sage4 --,sensitive ,morality1 or   
the ,materialism of the                 
,sage4--,interruptions1 the cause of    
which will soon appear1 prevented me    
from continuing it1 and the fate of the 
sketch1 which is more connected with my 
own than it may appear to be1 will      
hereafter be seen4  ,besides this1 ,i   
had for some time meditated a system of 
education1 of which ,madam de           
,chenonceaux1 alarmed for her son by    
that of her husband1 had desired me to  
consider4  ,the authority of friendship 
placed this object1 although less in    
itself to my taste1 nearer to my heart  
than any other4  ,on which account this 
subject1 of all those of which ,i have  
just spoken1 is the only one ,i carried 
to its utmost extent4  ,the end ,i      
proposed to myself in treating of it    
should1 ,i think1 have procured the     
author a better fate4  ,but ,i will not 
here anticipate this melancholy subject4
  ,i shall have too much reason to speak

 of it in the course of my work4  ,these
 different objects offered me subjects  
of meditation for my walks2 for1 as ,i  
believed ,i had already observed1 ,i am 
unable to reflect when ,i am not        
walking3 the moment ,i stop1 ,i think no
 more1 and as soon as ,i am again in    
motion my head resumes its workings4  ,i
 had1 however1 provided myself with a   
work for the closet upon rainy days4    
,this was my dictionary of music1 which 
my scattered1 mutilated1 and unshapen   
materials made it necessary to rewrite  
almost entirely4  ,i had with me some   
books necessary to this purpose2 ,i had 
spent two months in making extracts from
 others1 ,i had borrowed from the king's
 library1 whence ,i was permitted to    
take several to the ,hermitage4  ,i was 
thus provided with materials for        
composing in my apartment when the      
weather did not permit me to go out1 and
 my copying fatigued me4  ,this         
arrangement was so convenient that it   
made it turn to advantage as well at the

 ,hermitage as at ,montmorency1 and     
afterwards even at ,motiers1 where ,i   
completed the work whilst ,i was engaged
 in others1 and constantly found a      
change of occupation to be a real       
relaxation4  ,during a considerable time
 ,i exactly followed the distribution ,i
 had prescribed myself1 and found it    
very agreeable2 but as soon as the fine 
weather brought ,madam d',epinay more   
frequently to ,epinay1 or to the        
,chervette1 ,i found that attentions1 in
 the first instance natural to me1 but  
which ,i had not considered in my       
scheme1 considerably deranged my        
projects4  ,i have already observed that
 ,madam d',epinay had many amiable      
qualities2 she sincerely loved her      
friends2 served them with zeal2 and1 not
 sparing for them either time or pains1 
certainly deserved on their part every  
attention in return4  ,i had hitherto   
discharged this duty without considering
 it as one1 but at length ,i found that 
,i had given myself a chain of which    

nothing but friendship prevented me from
 feeling the weight1 and this was still 
aggravated by my dislike to numerous    
societies4  ,madam d' ,epinay took      
advantage of these circumstances to make
 me a proposition seemingly agreeable to
 me1 but which was more so to herself2  
this was to let me know when she was    
alone1 or had but little company4  ,i   
consented1 without perceiving to what a 
degree ,i engaged myself4  ,the         
consequence was that ,i no longer       
visited her at my own hour --but at     
hers1 and that ,i never was certain of  
being master of myself for a day        
together4  ,this constraint considerably
 diminished the pleasure ,i had in going
 to see her4  ,i found the liberty she  
had so frequently promised was given me 
upon no other condition than that of my 
never enjoying it2 and once or twice    
when ,i wished to do this there were so 
many messages1 notes1 and alarms        
relative to my health1 that ,i perceived
 that ,i could have no excuse but being 

confined to my bed1 for not immediately 
running to her upon the first           
intimation4  ,it was necessary ,i should
 submit to this yoke1 and ,i did it1    
even more voluntarily than could be     
expected from so great an enemy to      
dependence3 the sincere attachment ,i   
had to ,madam ,d',epinay preventing me1 
in a great measure1 from feeling the    
inconvenience with which it was         
accompanied4  ,she1 on her part1 filled 
up1 well or ill1 the void which the     
absence of her usual circle left in her 
amusements4  ,this for her was but a    
very slender supplement1 although       
preferable to absolute solitude1 which  
she could not support4  ,she had the    
means of doing it much more at her ease 
after she began with literature1 and at 
all events to write novels1 letters1    
comedies1 tales1 and other trash of the 
same kind4  ,but she was not so much    
amused in writing these as in reading   
them2 and she never scribbled over two  
or three pages--at one sitting--without 

being previously assured of having1 at  
least1 two or three benevolent auditors 
at the end of so much labor4  ,i seldom 
had the honor of being one of the chosen
 few except by means of another4  ,when 
alone1 ,i was1 for the most part1       
considered as a cipher in everything2   
and this not only in the company of     
,madam ,d',epinay1 but in that of ,m4   
d',holbach1 and in every place where    
,grimm gave the 'ton'4  ,this nullity   
was very convenient to me1 except in a  
tete-a-tete1 when ,i knew not what      
countenance to put on1 not daring to    
speak of literature1 of which it was not
 for me to say a word2 nor of gallantry1
 being too timid1 and fearing1 more than
 death1 the ridiculousness of an old    
gallant2 besides that1 ,i never had such
 an idea when in the company of ,madam  
,d',epinay1 and that it perhaps would   
never have occurred to me1 had ,i passed
 my whole life with her2 not that her   
person was in the least disagreeable to 
me2 on the contrary1 ,i loved her       

perhaps too much as a friend to do it as
 a lover4  ,i felt a pleasure in seeing 
and speaking to her4  ,her conversation1
 although agreeable enough in a mixed   
company1  was uninteresting in private2 
mine1 not more elegant or entertaining  
than her own1 was no great amusement to 
her4  ,ashamed of being long silent1  ,i
 endeavored to enliven our tete-a-tete  
and1 although this frequently fatigued  
me1 ,i was never disgusted with it4  ,i 
was happy to show her little attentions1
 and gave her little fraternal kisses1  
which seemed not to be more sensual to  
herself2 these were all4  ,she was very 
thin1 very pale1 and had a bosom which  
resembled the back of her hand4 ,this   
defect alone would have been sufficient 
to moderate my most ardent desires2 my  
heart never could distinguish a woman in
 a person who had it2 and besides other 
causes useless to mention1 always made  
me forget the sex of this lady4  ,having
 resolved to conform to an assiduity    
which was necessary1 ,i immediately and 

voluntarily entered upon it1 and for the
 first year at least1 found it less     
burthensome than ,i could have expected4
  ,madam d',epinay1 who commonly passed 
the summer in the country1 continued    
there but a part of this2 whether she   
was more detained by her affairs in     
,paris1 or that the absence of ,grimm   
rendered the residence of the ,chevrette
 less agreeable to her1 ,i know not4  ,i
 took the advantage of the intervals of 
her absence1 or when the company with   
her was numerous1 to enjoy my solitude  
with my good ,theresa and her mother1 in
 such a manner as to taste all its      
charms4  ,although ,i had for several   
years passed been frequently in the     
country1 ,i seldom had enjoyed much of  
its pleasures2 and these excursions1    
always made in company with people who  
considered themselves as persons of     
consequence1 and rendered insipid by    
constraint1 served to increase in me the
 natural desire ,i had for rustic       
pleasures4  ,the want of these was the  

more sensible to me as ,i had the image 
of them immediately before my eyes4  ,i 
was so tired of saloons1 jets d'eau1    
groves1 parterres1 and of more fatiguing
 persons by whom they were shown2 so    
exhausted with pamphlets1 harpsichords1 
trios1 unravellings of plots1 stupid bon
 mots1 insipid affections1 pitiful      
storytellers1 and great suppers2 that   
when ,i gave a side glance at a poor    
simple hawthorn bush1 a hedge1 a barn1  
or a meadow2 when1 in passing through a 
hamlet1 ,i scented a good chervil       
omelette1 and heard at a distance the   
burden of a rustic song of the          
,bisquieres2 ,i wished all rouge1       
furbelows and amber at the d---l1 and   
envying the dinner of the good          
housewife1 and the wine of her own      
vineyard1 ,i heartily wished to give a  
slap on the chaps to ,monsieur le ,chef 
and ,monsieur le ,maitre1 who made me   
dine at the hour of supper1 and sup when
 ,i should have been asleep1 but        
especially to ,messieurs the lackeys1   

who devoured with their eyes the morsel 
,i put into my mouth1 and upon pain of  
my dying with thirst1 sold me the       
adulterated wine of their master1 ten   
times dearer than that of a better      
quality would have cost me at a public  
house4  ,at length ,i was settled in an 
agreeable and solitary asylum1 at       
liberty to pass there the remainder of  
my days1 in that peaceful1 equal1 and   
independent life for which ,i felt      
myself born4  ,before ,i relate the     
effects this situation1 so new to me1   
had upon my heart1 it is proper ,i      
should recapitulate its secret          
affections1 that the reader may better  
follow in their causes the progress of  
these new modifications4  ,i have always
 considered the day on which ,i was     
united to ,theresa as that which fixed  
my moral existence4  ,an attachment was 
necessary for me1 since that which      
should have been sufficient to my heart 
had been so cruelly broken4  ,the thirst
 after happiness is never extinguished  

in the heart of man4  ,mamma was        
advancing into years1 and dishonored    
herself6 ,i had proofs that she could   
never more be happy here below2 it      
therefore remained to me to seek my own 
happiness1 having lost all hopes of     
partaking of hers4  ,i was sometimes    
irresolute1 and fluctuated from one idea
 to another1 and from project to        
project4  ,my journey to ,venice would  
have thrown me into public life1 had the
 man with whom1 almost against my       
inclination1 ,i was connected there had 
common sense4  ,i was easily            
discouraged1 especially in undertakings 
of length and difficulty4  ,the ill     
success of this disgusted me with every 
other2 and1 according to my old maxims1 
considering distant objects as deceitful
 allurements1 ,i resolved in future to  
provide for immediate wants1 seeing     
nothing in life which could tempt me to 
make extraordinary efforts4  ,it was    
precisely at this time we became        
acquainted4  ,the mild character of the 

good ,theresa seemed so fitted to my    
own1 that ,i united myself to her with  
an attachment which neither time nor    
injuries have been able to impair1 and  
which has constantly been increased by  
everything by which it might have been  
expected to be diminished4  ,the force  
of this sentiment will hereafter appear 
when ,i come to speak of the wounds she 
has given my heart in the height of my  
misery1 without my ever having1 until   
this moment1 once uttered a word of     
complaint to any person whatever4  ,when
 it shall be known1 that after having   
done everything1 braved everything1 not 
to separate from her2 that after passing
 with her twenty years in despite of    
fate and men2 ,i have in my old age made
 her my wife1 without the least         
expectation or solicitation on her part1
 or promise or engagement on mine1 the  
world will think that love bordering    
upon madness1 having from the first     
moment turned my head1 led me by degrees
 to the last act of extravagance2 and   

this will no longer appear doubtful when
 the strong and particular reasons which
 should forever have prevented me from  
taking such a step are made known4      
,what1 therefore1 will the reader think 
when ,i shall have told him1 with all   
the truth he has ever found in me1 that1
 from the first moment in which ,i saw  
her1 until that wherein ,i write1 ,i    
have never felt the least love for her1 
that ,i never desired to possess her    
more than ,i did to possess ,madam de   
,warrens1 and that the physical wants   
which were satisfied with her person    
were1 to me1 solely those of the sex1   
and by no means proceeding from the     
individual8  ,he will think that1 being 
of a constitution different from that of
 other men1 ,i was incapable of love1   
since this was not one of the sentiments
 which attached me to women the most    
dear to my heart4 ,patience1 ,o my dear 
reader6  the fatal moment approaches in 
which you will be but too much          
undeceived4  ,i fall into repetitions2  

,i know it2 and these are necessary4    
,the first of my wants1 the greatest1   
strongest and most insatiable1 was      
wholly in my heart2 the want of an      
intimate connection1 and as intimate as 
it could possibly be3 for this reason   
especially1 a woman was more necessary  
to me than a man1 a female rather than a
 male friend4  ,this singular want was  
such that the closest corporal union was
 not sufficient3 two souls would have   
been necessary to me in the same body1  
without which ,i always felt a void4  ,i
 thought ,i was upon the point of       
filling it up forever4  ,this young     
person1 amiable by a thousand excellent 
qualities1 and at that time by her form1
 without the shadow of art or coquetry1 
would have confined within herself my   
whole existence1 could hers1 as ,i had  
hoped it would1 have been totally       
confined to me4  ,i had nothing to fear 
from men2 ,i am certain of being the    
only man she ever really loved and her  
moderate passions seldom wanted another 

not even after ,i ceased in this respect
 to be one to her4  ,i had no family2   
she had one2 and this family was        
composed of individuals whose           
dispositions were so different from     
mine1 that ,i could never make it my    
own4  ,this was the first cause of my   
unhappiness4  ,what would ,i not have   
given to be the child of her mother8 ,i 
did everything in my power to become so1
 but could never succeed4 ,i in vain    
attempted to unite all our interests3   
this was impossible4 ,she always created
 herself one different from mine1       
contrary to it1 and to that even of her 
daughter1 which already was no longer   
separated from it4  ,she1 her other     
children1 and grand-children1 became so 
many leeches1 and the least evil these  
did to ,theresa was robbing her4  ,the  
poor girl1 accustomed to submit1 even to
 her nieces1 suffered herself to be     
pilfered and governed without saying a  
word2 and ,i perceived with grief that  
by exhausting my purse1 and giving her  

advice1 ,i did nothing that could be of 
any real advantage to her4  ,i          
endeavored to detach her from her       
mother2 but she constantly resisted such
 a proposal4  ,i could not but respect  
her resistance1 and esteemed her the    
more for it2 but her refusal was not on 
this account less to the prejudice of us
 both4  ,abandoned to her mother and the
 rest of her family1 she was more their 
companion than mine1 and rather at their
 command than mistress of herself4      
,their avarice was less ruinous than    
their advice was pernicious to her2 in  
fact1 if1 on account of the love she had
 for me1 added to her good natural      
disposition1 she was not quite their    
slave1 she was enough so to prevent in a
 great measure the effect of the good   
maxims ,i endeavored to instil into her1
 and1 notwithstanding all my efforts1 to
 prevent our being united4  ,thus was   
it1 that notwithstanding a sincere and  
reciprocal attachment1 in which ,i had  
lavished all the tenderness of my heart1

 the void in that heart was never       
completely filled4  ,children1 by whom  
this effect should have been produced1  
were brought into the world1 but these  
only made things worse4  ,i trembled at 
the thought of intrusting them to a     
family ill brought up1 to be still worse
 educated4  ,the risk of the education  
of the foundling hospital was much less4
  ,this reason for the resolution ,i    
took1 much stronger than all those ,i   
stated in my letter to ,madam de        
,francueil1 was1 however1 the only one  
with which ,i dared not make her        
acquainted2 ,i chose rather to appear   
less excusable than to expose to        
reproach the family of a person ,i      
loved4  ,but by the conduct of her      
wretched brother1 notwithstanding all   
that can be said in his defence1 it will
 be judged whether or not ,i ought to   
have exposed my children to an education
 similar to his4  ,not having it in my  
power to taste in all its plentitude the
 charms of that intimate connection of  

which ,i felt the want1 ,i sought for   
substitutes which did not fill up the   
void1 yet they made it less sensible4   
,not having a friend entirely devoted to
 me1 ,i wanted others1 whose impulse    
should overcome my indolence2 for this  
reason ,i cultivated and strengthened my
 connection with ,diderot and the ,abbe 
de ,condillac1 formed with ,grimm a new 
one still more intimate1 till at length 
by the unfortunate discourse1 of which  
,i have related some particulars1 ,i    
unexpectedly found myself thrown back   
into a literary circle which ,i thought 
,i had quitted forever4  ,my first steps
 conducted me by a new path to another  
intellectual world1 the simple and noble
 economy of which ,i cannot contemplate 
without enthusiasm4  ,i reflected so    
much on the subject that ,i soon saw    
nothing but error and folly in the      
doctrine of our sages1 and oppression   
and misery in our social order4  ,in the
 illusion of my foolish pride1 ,i       
thought myself capable of destroying all

 imposture2 and thinking that1 to make  
myself listened to1 it was necessary my 
conduct should agree with my principles1
 ,i adopted the singular manner of life 
which ,i have not been permitted to     
continue1 the example of which my       
pretended friends have never forgiven   
me1 which at first made me ridiculous1  
and would at length have rendered me    
respectable1 had it been possible for me
 to persevere4  ,until then ,i had been 
good2 from that moment ,i became        
virtuous1 or at least infatuated with   
virtue4  ,this infatuation had begun in 
my head1 but afterwards passed into my  
heart4  ,the most noble pride there took
 root amongst the ruins of extirpated   
vanity4  ,i affected nothing2 ,i became 
what ,i appeared to be1 and during four 
years at least1 whilst this             
effervescence continued at its greatest 
height1 there is nothing great and good 
that can enter the heart of man1 of     
which ,i was not capable between heaven 
and myself4  ,hence flowed my sudden    

eloquence2 hence1 in my first writings1 
that fire really celestial1 which       
consumed me1 and whence during forty    
years not a single spark had escaped1   
because it was not yet lighted up4  ,i  
was really transformed2 my friends and  
acquaintance scarcely knew me4 ,i was no
 longer that timid1 and rather bashful  
than modest man1 who neither dared to   
present himself1 nor utter a word2 whom 
a single pleasantry disconcerted1 and   
whose face was covered with a blush the 
moment his eyes met those of a woman4   
,i became bold1 haughty1 intrepid1 with 
a confidence the more firm1 as it was   
simple1 and resided in my soul rather   
than in my manner4  ,the contempt with  
which my profound meditations had       
inspired me for the manners1 maxims and 
prejudices of the age in which ,i lived1
 rendered me proof against the raillery 
of those by whom they were possessed1   
and ,i crushed their little pleasantries
 with a sentence1 as ,i would have      
crushed an insect with my fingers4      

,what a change6  ,all ,paris repeated   
the severe and acute sarcasms of the    
same man who1 two years before1 and ten 
years afterwards1 knew not how to find  
what he had to say1 nor the word he     
ought to employ4  ,let the situation in 
the world the most contrary to my       
natural disposition be sought after1 and
 this will be found4  ,let one of the   
short moments of my life in which ,i    
became another man1 and ceased to be    
myself1 be recollected1 this also will  
be found in the time of which ,i speak2 
but1 instead of continuing only six     
days1 or six weeks1 it lasted almost six
 years1 and would perhaps still         
continue1 but for the particular        
circumstances which caused it to cease1 
and restored me to nature1 above which  
,i had1 wished to soar4  ,the beginning 
of this change took place as soon as ,i 
had quitted ,paris1 and the sight of the
 vices of that city no longer kept up   
the indignation with which it had       
inspired me4  ,i no sooner had lost     

sight of men than ,i ceased to despise  
them1 and once removed from those who   
designed me evil1 my hatred against them
 no longer existed4  ,my heart1 little  
fitted for hatred1 pitied their misery1 
and even their wickedness4  ,this       
situation1 more pleasing but less       
sublime1 soon allayed the ardent        
enthusiasm by which ,i had so long been 
transported2 and ,i insensibly1 almost  
to myself even1 again became fearful1   
complaisant and timid2 in a word1 the   
same ,jean ,jacques ,i before had been4 
,had this resolution gone no further    
than restoring me to myself1 all would  
have been well2 but unfortunately it    
rapidly carried me away to the other    
extreme4  ,from that moment my mind in  
agitation passed the line of repose1 and
 its oscillations1 continually renewed1 
have never permitted it to remain here4 
,i must enter into some detail of this  
second revolution2 terrible and fatal   
era1 of a fate unparalleled amongst     
mortals4  ,we were but three persons in 

our retirement2 it was therefore natural
 our intimacy should be increased by    
leisure and solitude4  ,this was the    
case between ,theresa and myself4  ,we  
passed in conversations in the shade the
 most charming and delightful hours1    
more so than any ,i had hitherto        
enjoyed4  ,she seemed to taste of this  
sweet intercourse more than ,i had until
 then observed her to do2 she opened her
 heart1 and communicated to me1 relative
 to her mother and family1 things she   
had had resolution enough to conceal for
 a great length of time4  ,both had     
received from ,madam ,dupin numerous    
presents1 made them on my account1 and  
mostly for me1 but which the cunning old
 woman1 to prevent my being angry1 had  
appropriated to her own use and that of 
her other children1 without suffering   
,theresa to have the least share1       
strongly forbidding her to say a word to
 me of the matter3 an order the poor    
girl had obeyed with an incredible      
exactness4  ,but another thing which    

surprised me more than this had done1   
was the discovery that besides the      
private conversations ,diderot and      
,grimm had frequently had with both to  
endeavor to detach them from me1 in     
which1 by means of the resistance of    
,theresa1 they had not been able to     
succeed1 they had afterwards had        
frequent conferences with the mother1   
the subject of which was a secret to the
 daughter4  ,however1 she knew little   
presents had been made1 and that there  
were mysterious goings backward and     
forward1 the motive of which was        
entirely unknown to her4  ,when we left 
,paris1 ,madam le ,vasseur had long been
 in the habit of going to see ,grimm    
twice or thrice a month1 and continuing 
with him for hours together1 in         
conversation so secret that the servant 
was always sent out of the room4  ,i    
judged this motive to be of the same    
nature with the project into which they 
had attempted to make the daughter      
enter1 by promising to procure her and  

her mother1 by means of ,madam          
d',epinay1 a salt huckster's license1 or
 snuff-shop2 in a word1 by tempting her 
with the allurements of gain4  ,they had
 been told that1 as ,i was not in a     
situation to do anything for them1 ,i   
could not1 on their account1 do anything
 for myself4 ,as in all this ,i saw     
nothing but good intentions1 ,i was not 
absolutely displeased with them for it4 
,the mystery was the only thing which   
gave me pain1 especially on the part of 
the old woman1 who moreover daily became
 more parasitical and flattering towards
 me4  ,this1 however1 did not prevent   
her from reproaching her daughter in    
private with telling me everything1 and 
loving me too much1 observing to her she
 was a fool and would at length be made 
a dupe4  ,this woman possessed1 to a    
supreme degree1 the art of multiplying  
the presents made her1 by concealing    
from one what she received from another1
 and from me what she received from all4
  ,i could have pardoned her avarice1   

but it was impossible ,i should forgive 
her dissimulation4  ,what could she have
 to conceal from me whose happiness she 
knew principally consisted in that of   
herself and her daughter8  ,what ,i had 
done for the daughter ,i had done for   
myself1 but the services ,i rendered the
 mother merited on her part some        
acknowledgment4  ,she ought1 at least1  
to have thought herself obliged for them
 to her daughter1 and to have loved me  
for the sake of her by whom ,i was      
already beloved4  ,i had raised her from
 the lowest state of wretchedness2 she  
received from my hands the means of     
subsistence1 and was indebted to me for 
her acquaintance with the persons from  
whom she found means to reap            
considerable benefit4  ,theresa had long
 supported her by her industry1 and now 
maintained her with my bread4 ,she owed 
everything to this daughter1 for whom   
she had done nothing1 and her other     
children1 to whom she had given marriage
 portions1 and on whose account she had 

ruined herself1 far from giving her the 
least aid1 devoured her substance and   
mine4  ,i thought that in such a        
situation she ought to consider me as   
her only friend and most sure protector1
 and that1 far from making of my own    
affairs a secret to me1 and conspiring  
against me in my house1 it was her duty 
faithfully to acquaint me with          
everything in which ,i was interested1  
when this came to her knowledge before  
it did to mine4  ,in what light1        
therefore1 could ,i consider her false  
and mysterious conduct8  ,what could ,i 
think of the sentiments with which she  
endeavored to inspire her daughter8     
,what monstrous ingratitude was hers1 to
 endeavor to instil it into her from    
whom ,i expected my greatest            
consolation8  ,these reflections at     
length alienated my affections from this
 woman1 and to such a degree that ,i    
could no longer look upon her but with  
contempt4 ,i nevertheless continued to  
treat with respect the mother of the    

friend of my bosom1 and in everything to
 show her almost the reverence of a son2
 but ,i must confess ,i could not remain
 long with her without pain1 and that ,i
 never knew how to bear restraint4      
,this is another short moment of my     
life1 in which ,i approached near to    
happiness without being able to attain  
it1 and this by no fault of my own4     
,had the mother been of a good          
disposition we all three should have    
been happy to the end of our days2 the  
longest liver only would have been to be
 pitied4  ,instead of which1 the reader 
will see the course things took1 and    
judge whether or not it was in my power 
to change it4  ,madam le ,vasseur1 who  
perceived ,i had got more full          
possession of the heart of ,theresa1 and
 that she had lost ground with her1     
endeavored to regain it2 and instead of 
striving to restore herself to my good  
opinion by the mediation of her daughter
 attempted to alienate her affections   
from me4  ,one of the means she employed

 was to call her family to her aid4  ,i 
had begged ,theresa not to invite any of
 her relations to the ,hermitage1 and   
she had promised me she would not4      
,these were sent for in my absence1     
without consulting her1 and she was     
afterwards prevailed upon to promise not
 to say anything of the matter4  ,after 
the first step was taken all the rest   
were easy4  ,when once we make a secret 
of anything to the person we love1 we   
soon make little scruple of doing it in 
everything2 the moment ,i was at the    
,chevrette the ,hermitage was full of   
people who sufficiently amused          
themselves4  ,a mother has always great 
power over a daughter of a mild         
disposition2 yet notwithstanding all the
 old woman could do1 she was never able 
to prevail upon ,theresa to enter into  
her views1 nor to persuade her to join  
in the league against me4 ,for her part1
 she resolved upon doing it forever1 and
 seeing on one side her daughter and    
myself1 who were in a situation to live1

 and that was all2 on the other1        
,diderot1 ,grimm1 ,d' ,holbach and      
,madam d',epinay1 who promised great    
things1 and gave some little ones1 she  
could not conceive it was possible to be
 in the wrong with the wife of a        
farmer-general and baron4  ,had ,i been 
more clear sighted1 ,i should from this 
moment have perceived ,i nourished a    
serpent in my bosom4  ,but my blind     
confidence1 which nothing had yet       
diminished1 was such that ,i could not  
imagine she wished to injure the person 
she ought to love4  ,though ,i saw      
numerous conspiracies formed on every   
side1 all ,i complain of was the tyranny
 of persons who called themselves my    
friends1 and who1 as it seemed1 would   
force me to be happy in the manner they 
should point out1 and not in that ,i had
 chosen for myself4  ,although ,theresa 
refused to join in the confederacy with 
her mother1 she afterwards kept her     
secret4  ,for this her motive was       
commendable1 although ,i will not       

determine whether she did it well or    
ill4  ,two women1 who have secrets      
between them1 love to prattle together2 
this attracted them towards each other1 
and ,theresa1 by dividing herself1      
sometimes let me feel ,i was alone2 for 
,i could no longer consider as a society
 that which we all three formed4  ,i now
 felt the neglect ,i had been guilty of 
during the first years of our           
connection1 in not taking advantage of  
the docility with which her love        
inspired her1 to improve her talents and
 give her knowledge1 which1 by more     
closely connecting us in our retirement 
would agreeably have filled up her time 
and my own1 without once suffering us to
 perceive the length of a private       
conversation4  ,not that this was ever  
exhausted between us1 or that she seemed
 disgusted with our walks2 but we had   
not a sufficient number of ideas common 
to both to make ourselves a great store1
 and we could not incessantly talk of   
our future projects which were confined 

to those of enjoying the pleasures of   
life4  ,the objects around us inspired  
me with reflections beyond the reach of 
her comprehension4  ,an attachment of   
twelve years' standing had no longer    
need of words3 we were too well         
acquainted with each other to have any  
new knowledge to acquire in that        
respect4  ,the resource of puns1 jests1 
gossiping and scandal1 was all that     
remained4  ,in solitude especially is   
it1 that the advantage of living with a 
person who knows how to think is        
particularly felt4  ,i wanted not this  
resource to amuse myself with her2 but  
she would have stood in need of it to   
have always found amusement with me4    
,the worst of all was our being obliged 
to hold our conversations when we could2
 her mother1 who become importunate1    
obliged me to watch for opportunities to
 do it4  ,i was under constraint in my  
own house3 this is saying everything2   
the air of love was prejudicial to good 
friendship4  ,we had an intimate        

intercourse without living in intimacy4 
,the moment ,i thought ,i perceived that
 ,theresa sometimes sought for a pretext
 to elude the walks ,i proposed to her1 
,i ceased to invite her to accompany me1
 without being displeased with her for  
not finding in them so much amusement as
 ,i did4  ,pleasure is not a thing which
 depends upon the will4  ,i was sure of 
her heart1 and the possession of this   
was all ,i desired4  ,as long as my     
pleasures were hers1 ,i tasted of them  
with her2 when this ceased to be the    
case ,i preferred her contentment to my 
own4  ,in this manner it was that1 half 
deceived in my expectation1 leading a   
life after my own heart1 in a residence 
,i had chosen with a person who was dear
 to me1 ,i at length found myself almost
 alone4  ,what ,i still wanted prevented
 me from enjoying what ,i had4  ,with   
respect to happiness and enjoyment1     
everything or nothing1 was what was     
necessary to me4  ,the reason of these  
observations will hereafter appear4  ,at

 present ,i return to the thread of my  
narrative4  ,i imagined that ,i         
possessed treasures in the manuscripts  
given me by the ,comte de ,st4  ,pierre4
  ,on examination ,i found they were a  
little more than the collection of the  
printed works of his uncle1 with notes  
and corrections by his own hand1 and a  
few other trifling fragments which had  
not yet been published4  ,i confirmed   
myself by these moral writings in the   
idea ,i had conceived from some of his  
letters1 shown me by ,madam de ,crequi1 
that he had more sense and ingenuity    
than at first ,i had imagined2 but after
 a careful examination of his political 
works1 ,i discerned nothing but         
superficial notions1 and projects that  
were useful but impracticable1 in       
consequence of the idea from which the  
author never could depart1 that men     
conducted themselves by their sagacity  
rather than by their passions4  ,the    
high opinion he had of the knowledge of 
the moderns had made him adopt this     

false principle of improved reason1 the 
basis of all the institutions he        
proposed1 and the source of his         
political sophisms4  ,this extraordinary
 man1 an honor to the age in which he   
lived1 and to the human species1 and    
perhaps the only person1 since the      
creation of mankind1 whose sole passion 
was that of reason1 wandered in all his 
systems from error to error1 by         
attempting to make men like himself1    
instead of taking them as they were1    
are1 and will continue to be4  ,he      
labored for imaginary beings1 while he  
thought himself employed for the benefit
 of his contemporaries4  ,all these     
things considered1 ,i was rather        
embarrassed as to the form ,i should    
give to my work4  ,to suffer the        
author's visions to pass was doing      
nothing useful2 fully to refute them    
would have been unpolite1 as the care of
 revising and publishing his            
manuscripts1 which ,i had accepted1 and 
even requested1 had been intrusted to   

me2 this trust had imposed on me the    
obligation of treating the author       
honorably4  ,i at length concluded upon 
that which to me appeared the most      
decent1 judicious1 and useful4  ,this   
was to give separately my own ideas and 
those of the author1 and1 for this      
purpose1 to enter into his views1 to set
 them in a new light1 to amplify1 extend
 them1 and spare nothing which might    
contribute to present them in all their 
excellence4  ,my work therefore was to  
be composed of two parts absolutely     
distinct3 one1 to explain1 in the manner
 ,i have just mentioned1 the different  
projects of the author2 in the other1   
which was not to appear until the first 
had had its effect1 ,i should have given
 my opinion upon these projects1 which  
,i confess might sometimes have exposed 
them to the fate of the sonnet of the   
misanthrope4  ,at the head of the whole 
was to have been the life of the author4
  ,for this ,i had collected some good  
materials1 and which ,i flattered myself

 ,i should not spoil in making use of   
them4  ,i had been a little acquainted  
with the ,abbe de ,st4 ,pierre1 in his  
old age1 and the veneration ,i had for  
his memory warranted to me1 upon the    
whole1 that the comte would not be      
dissatisfied with the manner in which ,i
 should have treated his relation4  ,i  
made my first essay on the ',perpetual  
,peace'1 the greatest and most elaborate
 of all the works which composed the    
collection2 and before ,i abandoned     
myself to my reflections ,i had the     
courage to read everything the abbe had 
written upon this fine subject1 without 
once suffering myself to be disgusted   
either by his slowness or his           
repetitions4  ,the public has seen the  
extract1 on which account ,i have       
nothing to say upon the subject4  ,my   
opinion of it has not been printed1 nor 
do ,i know that it ever will be2        
however1 it was written at the same time
 the extract was made4  ,from this ,i   
passed to the ',polysynodie'1 or        

,plurality of ,councils1 a work written 
under the regent to favor the           
administration he had chosen1 and which 
caused the ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre to be
 expelled from the academy1 on account  
of some remarks unfavorable to the      
preceding administration1 and with which
 the ,duchess of ,maine and the         
,cardinal de ,polignac were displeased4 
,i completed this work as ,i did the    
former1 with an extract and remarks2 but
 ,i stopped here without intending to   
continue the undertaking which ,i ought 
never to have begun4  ,the reflection   
which induced me to give it up naturally
 presents itself1 and it was astonishing
 ,i had not made it sooner4  ,most of   
the writings of the ,abbe de ,saint     
,pierre were either observations1 or    
contained observations1 on some parts of
 the government of ,france1 and several 
of these were of so free a nature1 that 
it was happy for him he had made them   
with impunity4  ,but in the offices of  
all the ministers of state the ,abbe de 

,st4 ,pierre had ever been considered as
 a kind of preacher rather than a real  
politician1 and he was suffered to say  
what he pleased1 because it appeared    
that nobody listened to him4 ,had ,i    
procured him readers the case would have
 been different4  ,he was a ,frenchman1 
and ,i was not one2 and by repeating his
 censures1 although in his own name1 ,i 
exposed myself to be asked1 rather      
rudely1 but without injustice1 what it  
was with which ,i meddled4  ,happily    
before ,i proceeded any further1 ,i     
perceived the hold ,i was about to give 
the government against me1 and ,i       
immediately withdrew4  ,i knew that1    
living alone in the midst of men more   
powerful than myself1 ,i never could by 
any means whatever be sheltered from the
 injury they chose to do me4  ,there was
 but one thing which depended upon my   
own efforts3 this was1 to observe such a
 line of conduct that whenever they     
chose to make me feel the weight of     
authority they could not do it without  

being unjust4  ,the maxim which induced 
me to decline proceeding with the works 
of the ,abbe de ,saint ,pierre1 has     
frequently made me give up projects ,i  
had much more at heart4 ,people who are 
always ready to construe adversity into 
a crime1 would be much surprised were   
they to know the pains ,i have taken1   
that during my misfortunes it might     
never with truth be said of me1 ,thou   
hast deserved them4  ,after having given
 up the manuscript1 ,i remained some    
time without determining upon the work  
which should succeed it1 and this       
interval of inactivity was destructive2 
by permitting me to turn my reflections 
on myself1 for want of another object to
 engage my attention4  ,i had no project
 for the future which could amuse my    
imagination4  ,it was not even possible 
to form any1 as my situation was        
precisely that in which all my desires  
were united4  ,i had not another to     
conceive1 and yet there was a void in my
 heart4  ,this state was the more cruel1

 as ,i saw no other that was to be      
preferred to it4  ,i had fixed my most  
tender affections upon a person who made
 me a return of her own4  ,i lived with 
her without constraint1 and1 so to      
speak1 at discretion4  ,notwithstanding 
this1 a secret grief of mind never      
quitted me for a moment1 either when she
 was present or absent4  ,in possessing 
,theresa1 ,i still perceived she wanted 
something to her happiness2 and the sole
 idea of my not being everything to her 
had such an effect upon my mind that she
 was next to nothing to me4  ,i had     
friends of both sexes1 to whom ,i was   
attached by the purest friendship and   
most perfect esteem2 ,i depended upon a 
real return on their part1 and a doubt  
of their sincerity never entered my     
mind2 yet this friendship was more      
tormenting than agreeable to me1 by     
their obstinate perseverance and even by
 their affectation1 in opposing my      
taste1 inclinations and manner of       
living2 and this to such a degree1 that 

the moment ,i seemed to desire a thing  
which interested myself only1 and       
depended not upon them1 they immediately
 joined their efforts to oblige me to   
renounce it4  ,this continued desire to 
control me in all my wishes1 the more   
unjust1 as ,i did not so much as make   
myself acquainted with theirs1 became so
 cruelly oppressive1 that ,i never      
received one of their letters without   
feeling a certain terror as ,i opened   
it1 and which was but too well justified
 by the contents4  ,i thought being     
treated like a child by persons younger 
than myself1 and who1 of themselves1    
stood in great need of the advice they  
so prodigally bestowed on me1 was too   
much3 ,love me1 said ,i to them1 as ,i  
love you1 but1 in every other respect1  
let my affairs be as indifferent to you1
 as yours are to me3 this is all ,i ask4
  ,if they granted me one of these two  
requests1 it was not the latter4  ,i had
 a retired residence in a charming      
solitude1 was master of my own house1   

and could live in it in the manner ,i   
thought proper1 without being controlled
 by any person4  ,this habitation       
imposed on me duties agreeable to       
discharge1 but which were indispensable4
  ,my liberty was precarious4 ,in a     
greater state of subjection than a      
person at the command of another1 it was
 my duty to be so by inclination4  ,when
 ,i arose in the morning1 ,i never could
 say to myself1 ,i will employ this day 
as ,i think proper4 ,and1 moreover1     
besides my being subject to obey the    
call of ,madam d',epinay1 ,i was exposed
 to the still more disagreeable         
importunities of the public and chance  
comers4  ,the distance ,i was at from   
,paris did not prevent crowds of idlers1
 not knowing how to spend their time1   
from daily breaking in upon me1 and1    
without the least scruple1 freely       
disposing of mine4  ,when ,i least      
expected visitors ,i was unmercifully   
assailed by them1 and ,i seldom made a  
plan for the agreeable employment of the

 day that was not counteracted by the   
arrival of some stranger4  ,in short1   
finding no real enjoyment in the midst  
of the pleasures ,i had been most       
desirous to obtain1 ,i1 by sudden mental
 transitions1 returned in imagination to
 the serene days of my youth1 and       
sometimes exclaimed with a sigh3 ,ah6   
this is not ,les ,charmettes6  ,the     
recollection of the different periods of
 my life led me to reflect upon that at 
which ,i was arrived1 and ,i found ,i   
was already on the decline1 a prey to   
painful disorders1 and imagined ,i was  
approaching the end of my days without  
having1 tasted1 in all its plentitude1  
scarcely anyone of the pleasures after  
which my heart had so much thirsted1 or 
having given scope to the lively        
sentiments ,i felt it had in reserve4 ,i
 had not favored even that intoxicating 
voluptuousness with which my mind was   
richly stored1 and which1 for want of an
 object1 was always compressed1 an never
 exhaled but by signs4  ,how was it     

possible that1 with a mind naturally    
expansive1 ,i1 with whom to live was to 
love1 should not hitherto have found a  
friend entirely devoted to me2 a real   
friend3 ,i who felt myself so capable of
 being such a friend to another8  ,how  
can it be accounted for that with such  
warm affections1 such combustible       
senses1 and a heart wholly made up of   
love1 ,i had not once1 at least1 felt   
its flame for a determinate object8     
,tormented by the want of loving1       
without ever having been able to satisfy
 it1 ,i perceived myself approaching the
 eve of old age1 and hastening on to    
death without having lived4  ,these     
melancholy but affecting recollections  
led me to others1 which1 although       
accompanied with regret1 were not wholly
 unsatisfactory4  ,i thought something  
,i had not yet received was still due to
 me from destiny4  ,to what end was ,i  
born with exquisite faculties8  ,to     
suffer them to remain unemployed8  the  
sentiment of conscious merit1 which made

 me consider myself as suffering        
injustice1 was some kind of reparation1 
and caused me to shed tears which with  
pleasure ,i suffered to flow4  ,these   
were my mediations during the finest    
season of the year1 in the month of     
,june1 in cool shades1 to the songs of  
the nightingale1 and the warbling of    
brooks4  ,everything concurred in       
plunging me into that too seducing state
 of indolence for which ,i was born1 and
 from which my austere manner1          
proceeding from a long effervescence1   
should forever have delivered me4  ,i   
unfortunately remembered the dinner of  
the ,chateau de ,toune1 and my meeting  
with the two charming girls in the same 
season1 in places much resembling that  
in which ,i then was4  ,the remembrance 
of these circumstances1 which the       
innocence that accompanied them rendered
 to me still more dear1 brought several 
others of the nature to my recollection4
  ,i presently saw myself surrounded by 
all the objects which1 in my youth1 had 

given me emotion4  ,mademoiselle        
,galley1 ,mademoiselle de ,graffenried1 
,mademoiselle de ,breil1 ,madam ,basile1
 ,madam de ,larnage1 my pretty scholars1
 and even the bewitching ,zulietta1 whom
 my heart could not forget4  ,i found   
myself in the midst of a seraglio of    
houris of my old acquaintance1 for whom 
the most lively inclination was not new 
to me4  ,my blood became inflamed1 my   
head turned1 notwithstanding my hair was
 almost gray1 and the grave citizen of  
,geneva1 the austere ,jean ,jacques1 at 
forty-five years of age1 again became   
the fond shepherd4 ,the intoxication1   
with which my mind was seized1 although 
sudden and extravagant1 was so strong   
and lasting1 that1 to enable me to      
recover from it1 nothing less than the  
unforeseen and terrible crisis it       
brought on was necessary4  ,this        
intoxication1 to whatever degree it was 
carried1 went not so far as to make me  
forget my age and situation1 to flatter 
me that ,i could still inspire love1 nor

 to make me attempt to communicate the  
devouring flame by which ever since my  
youth ,i had felt my heart in vain      
consumed4  ,for this ,i did not hope2 ,i
 did not even desire it4  ,i knew the   
season of love was past2 ,i knew too    
well in what contempt the ridiculous    
pretensions of superannuated gallants   
were held1 ever to add one to the       
number1 and ,i was not a man to become  
an impudent coxcomb in the decline of   
life1 after having been so little such  
during the flower of my age4  ,besides1 
as a friend to peace1 ,i should have    
been apprehensive of domestic           
dissensions2 and ,i too sincerely loved 
,theresa to expose her to the           
mortification of seeing me entertain for
 others more lively sentiments than     
those with which she inspired me for    
herself4  ,what step did ,i take upon   
this occasion8  ,my reader will already 
have guessed it1 if he has taken the    
trouble to pay the least attention to my
 narrative4  ,the impossibility of      

attaining real beings threw me into the 
regions of chimera1 and seeing nothing  
in existence worthy of my delirium1 ,i  
sought food for it in the ideal world1  
which my imagination quickly peopled    
with beings after my own heart4  ,this  
resource never came more apropos1 nor   
was it ever so fertile4  ,in my         
continual ecstasy ,i intoxicated my mind
 with the most delicious sentiments that
 ever entered the heart of man4         
,entirely forgetting the human species1 
,i formed to myself societies of perfect
 beings1 whose virtues were as celestial
 as their beauty1 tender and faithful   
friends1 such as ,i never found here    
below4  ,i became so fond of soaring in 
the empyrean1 in the midst of the       
charming objects with which ,i was      
surrounded1 that ,i thus passed hours   
and days without perceiving it2 and1    
losing the remembrance of all other     
things1 ,i scarcely had eaten a morsel  
in haste before ,i was impatient to make
 my escape and run to regain my groves4 

,when ready to depart for the enchanted 
world1 ,i saw arrive wretched mortals   
who came to detain me upon earth1 ,i    
could neither conceal nor moderate my   
vexation2 and no longer master of       
myself1 ,i gave them so uncivil a       
reception1 that it might justly be      
termed brutal4  ,this tended to confirm 
my reputation as a misanthrope1 from the
 very cause which1 could the world have 
read my heart1 should have acquired me  
one of a nature directly opposite4  ,in 
the midst of my exultation ,i was pulled
 down like a paper kite1 and restored to
 my proper place by means of a smart    
attack of my disorder4 ,i recurred to   
the only means that had before given me 
relief1 and thus made a truce with my   
angelic amours2 for besides that it     
seldom happens that a man is amorous    
when he suffers1 my imagination1 which  
is animated in the country and beneath  
the shade of trees1 languishes and      
becomes extinguished in a chamber1 and  
under the joists of a ceiling4  ,i      

frequently regretted that there existed 
no dryads2 it would certainly have been 
amongst these that ,i should have fixed 
my attachment4  ,other domestic broils  
came at the same time to increase my    
chagrin4 ,madam le ,vasseur1 while      
making me the finest compliments in the 
world1 alienated from me her daughter as
 much as she possibly could4  ,i        
received letters from my late           
neighborhood1 informing me that the good
 old lady had secretly contracted       
several debts in the name of ,theresa1  
to whom these became known1 but of which
 she had never mentioned to me a word4  
,the debts to be paid hurt me much less 
than the secret that had been made of   
them4  ,how could she1 for whom ,i had  
never had a secret1 have one from me8   
,is it possible to dissimulate with     
persons whom we love8  ,the ',coterie   
,holbachique'1 who found ,i never made a
 journey to ,paris1 began seriously to  
be afraid ,i was happy and satisfied in 
the country1 and madman enough to reside

 there4  ,hence the cabals by which     
attempts were made to recall me         
indirectly to the city4  ,diderot1 who  
did not immediately wish to show        
himself1 began by detaching from me ,de 
,leyre1 whom ,i had brought acquainted  
with him1 and who received and          
transmitted to me the impressions       
,diderot chose to give without          
suspecting to what end they were        
directed4  ,everything seemed to concur 
in withdrawing me from my charming and  
mad reverie4  ,i was not recovered from 
the late attack ,i had when ,i received 
the copy of the poem on the destruction 
of ,lisbon1 which ,i imagined to be sent
 by the author4  ,this made it necessary
 ,i should write to him and speak of his
 composition4  ,i did so1 and my letter 
was a long time afterwards printed      
without my consent1 as ,i shall         
hereafter have occasion to remark4      
,struck by seeing this poor man         
overwhelmed1 if ,i may so speak1 with   
prosperity and honor1 bitterly          

exclaiming against the miseries of this 
life1 and finding everything to be      
wrong1 ,i formed the mad project of     
making him turn his attention to        
himself1 and of proving to him that     
everything was right4  ,voltaire1 while 
he appeared to believe in ,god1 never   
really believed in anything but the     
devil2 since his pretended deity is a   
malicious being1 who1 according to him1 
had no pleasure but in evil4  ,the      
glaring absurdity of this doctrine is   
particularly disgusting from a man      
enjoying the greatest prosperity2 who1  
from the bosom of happiness1 endeavors1 
by the frightful and cruel image of all 
the calamities from which he is exempt1 
to reduce his fellow creatures to       
despair4  ,i1 who had a better right    
than he to calculate and weigh all the  
evils of human life1 impartially examine
 them1 and proved to him that of all    
possible evils there was not one to be  
attributed to ,providence1 and which had
 not its source rather in the abusive   

use man made of his faculties than in   
nature4  ,i treated him1 in this letter1
 with the greatest respect and delicacy 
possible4  ,yet1 knowing his self-love  
to be extremely irritable1 ,i did not   
send the letter immediately to himself1 
but to ,doctor ,tronchin1 his physician 
and friend1 with full power either to   
give it him or destroy it4  ,voltaire   
informed me in a few lines that being   
ill1 having likewise the care of a sick 
person1 he postponed his answer until   
some future day1 and said not a word on 
the subject4 ,tronchin1 when he sent me 
the letter1 inclosed in it another1 in  
which he expressed but very little      
esteem for the person from whom he      
received it4  ,i have never published1  
nor even shown1 either of these two     
letters1 not liking to make a parade of 
such little triumphs2 but the originals 
are in my collections4  ,since that time
 ,voltaire has published the answer he  
promised me1 but which ,i never         
received4  ,this is the novel of        

',candide'1 of which ,i cannot speak    
because ,i have not read it4  ,all these
 interruptions ought to have cured me of
 my fantastic amours1 and they were     
perhaps the means offered me by ,heaven 
to prevent their destructive            
consequences2 but my evil genius        
prevailed1 and ,i had scarcely begun to 
go out before my heart1 my head1 and my 
feet returned to the same paths4  ,i say
 the same in certain respects2 for my   
ideas1 rather less exalted1 remained    
this time upon earth1 but yet were      
busied in making so exquisite a choice  
of all that was to be found there       
amiable of every kind1 that it was not  
much less chimerical than the imaginary 
world ,i had abandoned4  ,i figured to  
myself love and friendship1 the two     
idols of my heart1 under the most       
ravishing images4  ,i amused myself in  
adorning them with all the charms of the
 sex ,i had always adored4  ,i imagined 
two female friends rather than two of my
 own sex1 because1 although the example 

be more rare1 it is also more amiable4  
,i endowed them with different          
characters1 but analogous to their      
connection1 with two faces1 not         
perfectly beautiful1 but according to my
 taste1 and animated with benevolence   
and sensibility4  ,i made one brown and 
the other fair1 one lively and the other
 languishing1 one wise and the other    
weak1 but of so amiable a weakness that 
it seemed to add a charm to virtue4  ,i 
gave to one of the two a lover1 of whom 
the other was the tender friend1 and    
even something more1 but ,i did not     
admit either rivalry1 quarrels1 or      
jealousy3 because every painful         
sentiment is painful for me to imagine1 
and ,i was unwilling to tarnish this    
delightful picture by anything which was
 degrading to nature4  ,smitten with my 
two charming models1 ,i drew my own     
portrait in the lover and the friend1 as
 much as it was possible to do it2 but  
,i made him young and amiable1 giving   
him1 at the same time1 the virtues and  

the defects which ,i felt in myself4    
,that ,i might place my characters in a 
residence proper for them1 ,i           
successively passed in review the most  
beautiful places ,i had seen in my      
travels4  ,but ,i found no grove        
sufficiently delightful1 no landscape   
that pleased me4  ,the valleys of       
,thessaly would have satisfied me had ,i
 but once had a sight of them2 but my   
imagination1 fatigued with invention1   
wished for some real place which might  
serve it as a point to rest upon1 and   
create in me an illusion with respect to
 the real existence of the inhabitants  
,i intended to place there4  ,i thought 
a good while upon the ,boromean         
,islands1 the delightful prospect of    
which had transported me1 but ,i found  
in them too much art and ornament for my
 lovers4  ,i however wanted a lake1 and 
,i concluded by making choice of that   
about which my heart has never ceased to
 wander4  ,i fixed myself upon that part
 of the banks of this lake where my     

wishes have long since placed my        
residence in the imaginary happiness to 
which fate has confined me4  ,the native
 place of my poor mamma had still for me
 a charm4  ,the contrast of the         
situations1 the richness and variety of 
the sites1 the magnificence1 the majesty
 of the whole1 which ravishes the       
senses1 affects1 the heart1 and elevates
 the mind1 determined me to give it the 
preference1 and ,i placed my young      
pupils at ,vervey4  ,this is what ,i    
imagined at the first sketch2 the rest  
was not added until afterwards4  ,i for 
a long time confined myself to this     
vague plan1 because it was sufficient to
 fill my imagination with agreeable     
objects1 and my heart with sentiments in
 which it delighted4  ,these fictions1  
by frequently presenting themselves1 at 
length gained a consistence1 and took in
 my mind a determined form4  ,i then had
 an inclination to express upon paper   
some of the situations fancy presented  
to me1 and1 recollecting everything ,i  

had felt during my youth1 thus1 in some 
measure1 gave an object to that desire  
of loving1 which ,i had never been able 
to satisfy1 and by which ,i felt myself 
consumed4  ,i first wrote a few         
incoherent letters1 and when ,i         
afterwards wished to give them          
connection1 ,i frequently found a       
difficulty in doing it4  ,what is       
scarcely credible1 although most        
strictly true1 is my having written the 
first two parts almost wholly in this   
manner1 without having any plan formed1 
and not foreseeing ,i should one day be 
tempted to make it a regular work4  ,for
 this reason the two parts afterwards   
formed of materials not prepared for the
 place in which they are disposed1 are  
full of unmeaning expressions not found 
in the others4  ,in the midst of my     
reveries ,i had a visit from ,madam     
d',houdetot1 the first she had ever made
 me1 but which unfortunately was not the
 last1 as will hereafter appear4  ,the  
,comtesse d',houdetot was the daughter  

of the late ,m4 de ,bellegarde1 a       
farmer-general1 sister to ,m4 d',epinay1
 and ,messieurs de ,lalive and ,de la   
,briche1 both of whom have since been   
introductors to ambassadors4  ,i have   
spoken of the acquaintance ,i made with 
her before she was married3 since that  
event ,i had not seen her1 except at the
 fetes at ,la ,chevrette1 with ,madam   
d',epinay1 her sister-in-law4  ,having  
frequently passed several days with her1
 both at ,la ,chevrette and ,epinay1 ,i 
always thought her amiable1 and that she
 seemed to be my well-wisher4  ,she was 
fond of walking with me2 we were both   
good walkers1 and the conversation      
between us was inexhaustible4  ,however1
 ,i never went to see her in ,paris1    
although she had several times requested
 and solicited me to do it4  ,her       
connections with ,m4 de ,st4 ,lambert1  
with whom ,i began to be intimate1      
rendered her more interesting to me1 and
 it was to bring me some account of that
 friend who was1 ,i believe1 then at    

,mahon1 that she came to see me at the  
,hermitage4  ,this visit had something  
of the appearance of the beginning of a 
romance4 ,she lost her way4  ,her       
coachman1 quitting the road1 which      
turned to the right1 attempted to cross 
straight over from the mill of          
,clairvaux to the ,hermitage3 her       
carriage stuck in a quagmire in the     
bottom of the valley1 and she got out   
and walked the rest of the road4  ,her  
delicate shoes were soon worn through2  
she sunk into the dirt1 her servants had
 the greatest difficulty in extricating 
her1 and she at length arrived at the   
,hermitage in boots1 making the place   
resound with her laughter1 in which ,i  
most heartily joined4  ,she had to      
change everything4  ,theresa provided   
her with what was necessary1 and ,i     
prevailed upon her to forget her dignity
 and partake of a rustic collation1 with
 which she seemed highly satisfied4  ,it
 was late1 and her stay was short2 but  
the interview was so mirthful that it   

pleased her1 and she seemed disposed to 
return4  ,she did not however put this  
project into execution until the next   
year3 but1 alas6  the delay was not     
favorable to me in anything4  ,i passed 
the autumn in an employment no person   
would suspect me of undertaking3 this   
was guarding the fruit of ,m4 d',epinay4
  ,the ,hermitage was the reservoir of  
the waters of the park of the           
,chevrette2 there was a garden walled   
round and planted with espaliers and    
other trees1 which produced ,m4         
d',epinay more fruit than his           
kitchen-garden at the ,chevrette1       
although three-fourths of it were stolen
 from him4  ,that ,i might not be a     
guest entirely useless1 ,i took upon    
myself the direction of the garden and  
the inspection of the conduct of the    
gardener4  ,everything went on well     
until the fruit season1 but as this     
became ripe1 ,i observed that it        
disappeared without knowing in what     
manner it was disposed of4  ,the        

gardener assured me it was the dormice  
which eat it all4  ,i destroyed a great 
number of these animals1 notwithstanding
 which the fruit still diminished4  ,i  
watched the gardener's motions so       
narrowly1 that ,i found he was the great
 dormouse4  ,he lodged at ,montmorency1 
whence he came in the night with his    
wife and children to take away the fruit
 he had concealed in the daytime1 and   
which he sold in the market at ,paris as
 publicly as if he had brought it from a
 garden of his own4  ,the wretch whom ,i
 loaded with kindness1 whose children   
were clothed by ,theresa1 and whose     
father1 who was a beggar1 ,i almost     
supported1 robbed us with as much ease  
as effrontery1 not one of the three     
being sufficiently vigilant to prevent  
him3 and one night he emptied my cellar4
  ,whilst he seemed to address himself  
to me only1 ,i suffered everything1 but 
being desirous of giving an account of  
the fruit1 ,i was obliged to declare by 
whom a great part of it had been stolen4

  ,madam d',epinay desired me to pay and
 discharge him1 and look out for        
another2 ,i did so4 ,as this rascal     
rambled about the ,hermitage in the     
night1 armed with a thick club staff    
with an iron ferrule1 and accompanied by
 other villains like himself1 to relieve
 the governesses from their fears1 ,i   
made his successor sleep in the house   
with us2 and this not being sufficient  
to remove their apprehensions1 ,i sent  
to ask ,m4 d',epinay for a musket1 which
 ,i kept in the chamber of the gardener1
 with a charge not to make use of it    
except an attempt was made to break open
 the door or scale the walls of the     
garden1 and to fire nothing but powder1 
meaning only to frighten the thieves4   
,this was certainly the least precaution
 a man indisposed could take for the    
common safety of himself and family1    
having to pass the winter in the midst  
of a wood1 with two timid women4  ,i    
also procured a little dog to serve as a
 sentinel4  ,de ,leyre coming to see me 

about this time1 ,i related to him my   
situation1 and we laughed together at my
 military apparatus4  ,at his return to 
,paris he wished to amuse ,diderot with 
the story1 and by this means the        
',coterie d',holbachique' learned that  
,i was seriously resolved to pass the   
winter at the ,hermitage4  ,this        
perseverance1 of which they had not     
imagined me to be capable1 disconcerted 
them1 and1 until they could think of    
some other means of making my residence 
disagreeable to me1 they sent back1 by  
means of ,diderot1 the same ,de ,leyre1 
who1 though at first he had thought my  
precautions quite natural1 now pretended
 to discover that they were inconsistent
 with my principles1 and styled them    
more than ridiculous in his letters1 in 
which he overwhelmed me with            
pleasantries sufficiently bitter and    
satirical to offend me had ,i been the  
least disposed to take offence4  ,but at
 that time being full of tender and     
affectionate sentiments1 and not        

susceptible of any other1 ,i perceived  
in his biting sarcasms nothing more than
 a jest1 and believed him only jocose   
when others would have thought him mad4 
,by my care and vigilance ,i guarded the
 garden so well1 that1 although there   
had been but little fruit that year the 
produce was triple that of the preceding
 years2 it is true1 ,i spared no pains  
to preserve it1 and ,i went so far as to
 escort what ,i sent to the ,chevrette  
and to ,epinay1 and to carry baskets of 
it myself4  ,the aunt and ,i carried one
 of these1 which was so heavy that we   
were obliged to rest at every dozen     
steps1 and which we arrived with it we  
were quite wet with perspiration4  ,as  
soon as the bad season began to confine 
me to the house1 ,i wished to return to 
my indolent amusements1 but this ,i     
found impossible4  ,i had everywhere two
 charming female friends before my eyes1
 their friend1 everything by which they 
were surrounded1 the country they       
inhabited1 and the objects created or   

embellished for them by my imagination4 
,i was no longer myself for a moment1 my
 delirium never left me4  ,after many   
useless efforts to banish all fictions  
from my mind1 they at length seduced me1
 and my future endeavors were confined  
to giving them order and coherence1 for 
the purpose of converting them into a   
species of novel4  ,what embarrassed me 
most was1 that ,i had contradicted      
myself so openly and fully4  ,after the 
severe principles ,i had just so        
publicly asserted1 after the austere    
maxims ,i had so loudly preached1 and my
 violent invectives against books1 which
 breathed nothing but effeminacy and    
love1 could anything be less expected or
 more extraordinary1 than to see me1    
with my own hand1 write my name in the  
list of authors of those books ,i had so
 severely censured8  ,i felt this       
incoherence in all its extent4  ,i      
reproached myself with it1 ,i blushed at
 it and was vexed2 but all this could   
not bring me back to reason4            

,completely overcome1 ,i was at all     
risks obliged to submit1 and to resolve 
to brave the ,what will the world say of
 it8  ,except only deliberating         
afterwards whether or not ,i should show
 my work1 for ,i did not yet suppose ,i 
should ever determine to publish it4    
,this resolution taken1 ,i entirely     
abandoned myself to my reveries1 and1 by
 frequently resolving these in my mind1 
formed with them the kind of plan of    
which the execution has been seen4      
,this was certainly the greatest        
advantage that could be drawn from my   
follies2 the love of good which has     
never once been effaced from my heart1  
turned them towards useful objects1 the 
moral of which might have produced its  
good effects4 ,my voluptuous            
descriptions would have lost all their  
graces1 had they been devoid of the     
coloring of innocence4  ,a weak girl is 
an object of pity1 whom love may render 
interesting1 and who frequently is not  
therefore the less amiable2 but who can 

see without indignation the manners of  
the age2 and what is more disgusting    
than the pride of an unchaste wife1 who1
 openly treading under foot every duty1 
pretends that her husband ought to be   
grateful for her unwillingness to suffer
 herself to be taken in the fact8       
,perfect beings are not in nature1 and  
their examples are not near enough to   
us4  ,but whoever says that the         
description of a young person born with 
good dispositions1 and a heart equally  
tender and virtuous1 who suffers        
herself1 when a girl1 to be overcome by 
love1 and when a woman1 has resolution  
enough to conquer in her turn1 is upon  
the whole scandalous and useless1 is a  
liar and a hypocrite2 hearken not to    
him4  ,besides this object of morality  
and conjugal chastity which is radically
 connected with all social order1 ,i had
 in view one more secret in behalf of   
concord and public peace1 a greater1 and
 perhaps more important object in       
itself1 at least for the moment for     

which it was created4  ,the storm       
brought on by the ',encyclopedie'1 far  
from being appeased1 was at the time at 
its height4  ,two parties exasperated   
against each other to the last degree of
 fury soon resembled enraged wolves1 set
 on for their mutual destruction1 rather
 than ,christians and philosophers1 who 
had a reciprocal wish to enlighten and  
convince each other1 and lead their     
brethren to the way of truth4  ,perhaps 
nothing more was wanting to each party  
than a few turbulent chiefs1 who        
possessed a little power1 to make this  
quarrel terminate in a civil war2 and   
,god only knows what a civil war of     
religion founded on each side upon the  
most cruel intolerance would have       
produced4  ,naturally an enemy to all   
spirit of party1 ,i had freely spoken   
severe truths to each1 of which they had
 not listened4 ,i thought of another    
expedient1 which1 in my simplicity1     
appeared to me admirable3 this was to   
abate their reciprocal hatred by        

destroying their prejudices1 and showing
 to each party the virtue and merit     
which in the other was worthy of public 
esteem and respect4  ,this project1     
little remarkable for its wisdom1 which 
supported sincerity in mankind1 and     
whereby ,i fell into the error with     
which ,i reproached the ,abbe de ,saint 
,pierre1 had the success that was to be 
expected from it3 ,it drew together and 
united the parties for no other purpose 
than that of crushing the author4       
,until experience made me discover my   
folly1 ,i gave my attention to it with a
 zeal worthy of the motive by which ,i  
was inspired2 and ,i imagined the two   
characters of ,wolmar and ,julia in an  
ecstasy1 which made me hope to render   
them both amiable1 and1 what is still   
more1 by means of each other4           
,satisfied with having made a rough     
sketch of my plan1 ,i returned to the   
situations in detail1 which ,i had      
marked out2 and from the arrangement ,i 
gave them resulted the first two parts  

of the ,eloisa1 which ,i finished during
 the winter with inexpressible pleasure1
 procuring gilt-paper to receive a fair 
copy of them1 azure and silver powder to
 dry the writing1 and blue narrow ribbon
 to tack my sheets together2 in a word1 
,i thought nothing sufficiently elegant 
and delicate for my two charming girls1 
of whom1 like another ,pygmalion1 ,i    
became madly enamoured4  ,every evening1
 by the fireside1 ,i read the two parts 
to the governesses4  ,the daughter1     
without saying a word1 was like myself  
moved to tenderness1 and we mingled our 
sighs2 her mother1 finding there were no
 compliments1 understood nothing of the 
matter1 remained unmoved1 and at the    
intervals when ,i was silent always     
repeated3 ,sir1 that is very fine4      
,madam d',epinay1 uneasy at my being    
alone1 in winter1 in a solitary house1  
in the midst of woods1 often sent to    
inquire after my health4  ,i never had  
such real proofs of her friendship for  
me1 to which mine never more fully      

answered4  ,it would be wrong in me were
 not ,i1 among these proofs1 to make    
special mention of her portrait1 which  
she sent me1 at the same time requesting
 instructions from me in what manner she
 might have mine1 painted by ,la ,tour1 
and which had been shown at the         
exhibition4  ,i ought equally to speak  
of another proof of her attention to me1
 which1 although it be laughable1 is a  
feature in the history of my character1 
on account of the impression received   
from it4  ,one day when it froze to an  
extreme degree1 in opening a packet she 
had sent me of several things ,i had    
desired her to purchase for me1 ,i found
 a little under-petticoat of ,english   
flannel1 which she told me she had worn1
 and desired ,i would make of it an     
under-waistcoat4  ,this care1 more than 
friendly1 appeared to me so tender1 and 
as if she had stripped herself to clothe
 me1 that in my emotion ,i repeatedly   
kissed1 shedding tears at the same time1
 both the note and the petticoat4       

,theresa thought me mad4  ,it is        
singular that of all the marks of       
friendship ,madam d',epinay ever showed 
me this touched me the most1 and that   
ever since our rupture ,i have never    
recollected it without being very       
sensibly affected4  ,i for a long time  
preserved her little note1 and it would 
still have been in my possession had not
 it shared the fate of my other notes   
received at the same period4  ,although 
my disorder then gave me but little     
respite in winter1 and a part of the    
interval was employed in seeking relief 
from pain1 this was still upon the whole
 the season which since my residence in 
,france ,i had passed with most pleasure
 and tranquillity4  ,during four or five
 months1 whilst the bad weather         
sheltered me from the interruptions of  
importunate visits1 ,i tasted to a      
greater degree than ,i had ever yet or  
have since done1 of that equal simple   
and independent life1 the enjoyment of  
which still made it more desirable to   

me2 without any other company than the  
two governesses in reality1 and the two 
female cousins in idea4  ,it was then   
especially that ,i daily congratulated  
myself upon the resolution ,i had had   
the good sense to take1 unmindful of the
 clamors of my friends1 who were vexed  
at seeing me delivered from their       
tyranny2 and when ,i heard of the       
attempt of a madman1 when ,de ,leyre and
 ,madam d',epinay spoke to me in letters
 of the trouble and agitation which     
reigned in ,paris1 how thankful was ,i  
to ,heaven for having placed me at a    
distance from all such spectacles of    
horror and guilt4  ,these would have    
been continued and increased the bilious
 humor which the sight of public        
disorders had given me2 whilst seeing   
nothing around me in my retirement but  
gay and pleasing objects1 my heart was  
wholly abandoned to sentiments which    
were amiable4  ,i remark here with      
pleasure the course of the last peaceful
 moments that were left me4  ,the spring

 succeeding to this winter1 which had   
been so calm1 developed the germ of the 
misfortunes ,i have yet to describe2 in 
the tissue of which1 alike interval1    
wherein ,i had leisure to respite1 will 
not be found4  ,i think however1 ,i     
recollect1 that during this interval of 
peace1 and in the bosom of my solitude1 
,i was not quite undisturbed by the     
,holbachiens4 ,diderot stirred me up    
some strife1 and ,i am much deceived if 
it was not in the course of this winter 
that the ',fils ,naturel'--,natural     
,son--of which ,i shall soon have       
occasion to speak1 made its appearance4 
,independently of the causes which left 
me but few papers relative to that      
period1 those even which ,i have been   
able to preserve are not very exact with
 respect to dates4  ,diderot never dated
 his letters--,madam d',epinay and      
,madam d' ,houdetot seldom dated theirs 
except the day of the week1 and ,de     
,leyre mostly confined himself to the   
same rules4  ,when ,i was desirous of   

putting these letters in order ,i was   
obliged to supply what was wanting by   
guessing at dates1 so uncertain that ,i 
cannot depend upon them4  ,unable       
therefore to fix with certainty the     
beginning of these quarrels1 ,i prefer  
relating in one subsequent article      
everything ,i can recollect concerning  
them4  ,the return of spring had        
increased my amorous delirium1 and in my
 melancholy1 occasioned by the excess of
 my transports1 ,i had composed for the 
last parts of ,eloisa several letters1  
wherein evident marks of the rapture in 
which ,i wrote them are found4  ,amongst
 others ,i may quote those from the     
,elysium1 and the excursion upon the    
lake1 which1 if my memory does not      
deceive me1 are at the end of the fourth
 part4  ,whoever1 in reading these      
letters1 does not feel his heart soften 
and melt into the tenderness by which   
they were dictated1 ought to lay down   
the book3 nature has refused him the    
means of judging of sentiment4          

,precisely at the same time ,i received 
a second unforeseen visit from ,madam   
d',houdetot1 in the absence of her      
husband1 who was captain of the         
,gendarmarie1 and of her lover1 who was 
also in the service4  ,she had come to  
,eaubonne1 in the middle of the ,valley 
of ,montmorency1 where she had taken a  
pretty house1 from thence she made a new
 excursion to the ,hermitage4  ,she came
 on horseback1 and dressed in men's     
clothes4 ,although ,i am not very fond  
of this kind of masquerade1 ,i was      
struck with the romantic appearance she 
made1 and1 for once1 it was with love4  
,as this was the first and only time in 
all my life1 the consequence of which   
will forever render it terrible to my   
remembrance1 ,i must take the permission
 to enter into some particulars on the  
subject4  ,the ,countess d',houdetot was
 nearly thirty years of age1 and not    
handsome2 her face was marked with the  
smallpox1 her complexion coarse1 she was
 short-sighted1 and her eyes were rather

 round2 but she had fine long black     
hair1 which hung down in natural curls  
below her waist2 her figure was         
agreeable1 and she was at once both     
awkward and graceful in her motions2 her
 wit was natural and pleasing2 to this  
gayety1 heedlessness and ingenuousness  
were perfectly suited3 she abounded in  
charming sallies1 after which she so    
little sought1 that they sometimes      
escaped her lips in spite of herself4   
,she possessed several agreeable        
talents1 played the harpsichord1 danced 
well1 and wrote pleasing poetry4  ,her  
character was angelic--this was founded 
upon a sweetness of mind1 and except    
prudence and fortitude1 contained in it 
every virtue4  ,she was besides so much 
to be depended upon in all intercourse1 
so faithful in society1 even her enemies
 were not under the necessity of        
concealing from her their secrets4  ,i  
mean by her enemies the men1 or rather  
the women1 by whom she was not beloved2 
for as to herself she had not a heart   

capable of hatred1 and ,i am of opinion 
this conformity with mine greatly       
contributed towards inspiring me with a 
passion for her4  ,in confidence of the 
most intimate friendship1 ,i never heard
 her speak ill of persons who were      
absent1 nor even of her sister-in-law4  
,she could neither conceal her thoughts 
from anyone1 nor disguise any of her    
sentiments1 and ,i am persuaded she     
spoke of her lover to her husband1 as   
she spoke of him to her friends and     
acquaintances1 and to everybody without 
distinction of persons4  ,what proved1  
beyond all manner of doubt1 the purity  
and sincerity of her nature was1 that   
subject to very extraordinary absences  
of mind1 and the most laughable         
inconsiderateness1 she was often guilty 
of some very imprudent ones with respect
 to herself1 but never in the least     
offensive to any person whatsoever4     
,she had been married very young and    
against her inclinations to the ,comte  
d',houdetot1 a man of fashion1 and a    

good officer2 but a man who loved play  
and chicane1 who was not very amiable1  
and whom she never loved4 ,she found in 
,m4 de ,saint ,lambert all the merit of 
her husband1 with more ageeeable        
qualities of mind1 joined with virtue   
and talents4  ,if anything in the       
manners of the age can be pardoned1 it  
is an attachment which duration renders 
more pure1 to which its effects do      
honor1 and which becomes cemented by    
reciprocal esteem4  ,it was a little    
from inclination1 as ,i am disposed to  
think1 but much more to please ,saint   
,lambert1 that she came to see me4  ,he 
had requested her to do it1 and there   
was reason to believe the friendship    
which began to be established between us
 would render this society agreeable to 
all three4  ,she knew ,i was acquainted 
with their connection1 and as she could 
speak to me without restraint1 it was   
natural she should find my conversation 
agreeable4  ,she came2 ,i saw her2 ,i   
was intoxicated with love without an    

object2 this intoxication fascinated my 
eyes2 the object fixed itself upon her4 
,i saw my ,julia in ,madam d',houdetot1 
and ,i soon saw nothing but ,madam      
d',houdetot1 but with all the           
perfections with which ,i had just      
adorned the idol of my heart4 ,to       
complete my delirium she spoke to me of 
,saint ,lambert with a fondness of a    
passionate lover4  ,contagious force of 
love6 while listening to her1 and       
finding myself near her1 ,i was seized  
with a delicious trembling1 which ,i had
 never before experienced when near to  
any person whatsoever4 ,she spoke1 and  
,i felt myself affected2 ,i thought ,i  
was nothing more than interested in her 
sentiments1 when ,i perceived ,i        
possessed those which were similar2 ,i  
drank freely of the poisoned cup1 of    
which ,i yet tasted nothing more than   
the sweetness4  ,finally1 imperceptibly 
to us both1 she inspired me for herself 
with all she expressed for her lover4   
,alas6 it was very late in life1 and    

cruel was it to consume with a passion  
not less violent than unfortunate for a 
woman whose heart was already in the    
possession of another4  ,notwithstanding
 the extraordinary emotions ,i had felt 
when near to her1 ,i did not at first   
perceive what had happened to me2 it was
 not until after her departure that1    
wishing to think of ,julia1 ,i was      
struck with surprise at being unable to 
think of anything but ,madam d'         
,houdetot4 ,then was it my eyes were    
opened3 ,i felt my misfortune1 and      
lamented what had happened1 but ,i did  
not foresee the consequences4  ,i       
hesitated a long time on the manner in  
which ,i should conduct myself towards  
her1 as if real love left behind it     
sufficient reason to deliberate and act 
accordingly4  ,i had not yet determined 
upon this when she unexpectedly returned
 and found me unprovided4  ,it was this 
time1 perfectly acquainted with my      
situation1 shame1 the companion of evil1
 rendered me dumb1 and made me tremble  

in her presence2 ,i neither dared to    
open my mouth or raise my eyes2 ,i was  
in an inexpressible confusion which it  
was impossible she should not perceive4 
,i resolved to confess to her my        
troubled state of mind1 and left her to 
guess the cause whence it proceeded3    
this was telling her in terms           
sufficiently clear4  ,had ,i been young 
and amiable1 and ,madam d' ,houdetot1   
afterwards weak1 ,i should here blame   
her conduct2 but this was not the case1 
and ,i am obliged to applaud and admire 
it4  ,the resolution she took was       
equally prudent and generous4  ,she     
could not suddenly break with me without
 giving her reasons for it to ,saint    
,lambert1 who himself had desired her to
 come and see me2 this would have       
exposed two friends to a rupture1 and   
perhaps a public one1 which she wished  
to avoid4  ,she had for me esteem and   
good wishes2 she pitied my folly without
 encouraging it1 and endeavored to      
restore me to reason4  ,she was glad to 

preserve to her lover and herself a     
friend for whom she had some respect2   
and she spoke of nothing with more      
pleasure than the intimate and agreeable
 society we might form between us three 
the moment ,i should become reasonable4 
,she did not always confine herself to  
these friendly exhortations1 and1 in    
case of need1 did not spare me more     
severe reproaches1 which ,i had richly  
deserved4  ,i spared myself still less3 
the moment ,i was alone ,i began to     
recover2 ,i was more calm after my      
declaration--love1 known to the person  
by whom it is inspired1 becomes more    
supportable4  ,the forcible manner in   
which ,i approached myself with mine1   
ought to have cured me of it had the    
thing been possible4  ,what powerful    
motives did ,i not call to my mind to   
stifle it8  ,my morals1 sentiments and  
principles2 the shame1 the treachery and
 crime1 of abusing what was confided to 
friendship1 and the ridiculousness of   
burning1 at my age1 with the most       

extravagant passion for an object whose 
heart was preengaged1 and who could     
neither make me a return1 nor least     
hope2 moreover with a passion which1 far
 from having anything to gain by        
constancy1 daily became less sufferable4
  ,we would imagine that the last       
consideration which ought to have added 
weight to all the others1 was that      
whereby ,i eluded them6  ,what scruple1 
thought ,i1 ought ,i to make of a folly 
prejudicial to nobody but myself8 ,am ,i
 then a young man of whom ,madam        
d',houdetot ought to be afraid8  ,would 
not it be said by my presumptive remorse
 that1 by my gallantry1 manner and      
dress1 ,i was going to seduce her8      
,poor ,jean ,jacques1 love on at thy    
ease1 in all safety of conscience1 and  
be not afraid that thy sighs will be    
prejudicial to ,saint ,lambert4  ,it has
 been seen that ,i never was a coxcomb1 
not even in my youth4  ,the manner of   
thinking1 of which ,i have spoken1 was  
according to my turn of mind1 it        

flattered my passions2 this1 was        
sufficient to induce me to abandon      
myself to it without reserve1 and to    
laugh even at the impertinent scruple ,i
 thought ,i had made from vanity1 rather
 than from reason4  ,this is a great    
lesson for virtuous minds1 which vice   
never attacks openly2 it finds means to 
surprise them by masking itself with    
sophisms1 and not unfrequently with a   
virtue4  ,guilty without remorse1 ,i    
soon became so without measure2 and ,i  
entreat it may be observed in what      
manner my passion followed my nature1 at
 length to plunge me into an abyss4  ,in
 the first place1 it assumed the air of 
humility to encourage me2 and to render 
me intrepid it carried this humility    
even to mistrust4  ,madam d',houdetot   
incessantly putting in mind of my duty1 
without once for a single moment        
flattering my folly1 treated me with the
 greatest mildness1 and remained with me
 upon the footing of the most tender    
friendship4  ,this friendship would1 ,i 

protest1 have satisfied my wishes1 had  
,i thought it sincere2 but finding it   
too strong to be real1 ,i took it into  
my head that love1 so ill-suited to my  
age and appearance1 had rendered me     
contemptible in the eyes of ,madam      
d',houdetot2 that this young mad        
creature only wished to divert herself  
with me and my superannuated passion2   
that she had communicated this to ,saint
 ,lambert2 and that the indignation     
caused by my breach of friendship1      
having made her lover enter into her    
views1 they were agreed to turn my head 
and then to laugh at me4  ,this folly1  
which at twenty-six years of age1 had   
made me guilty of some extravagant      
behavior to ,madam de ,larnage1 whom ,i 
did not know1 would have been pardonable
 in me at forty-five with ,madam d'     
,houdetot had not ,i known that she and 
her lover were persons of too much      
uprightness to indulge themselves in    
such a barbarous amusement4  ,madam d'  
,houdetot continued her visits1 which ,i

 delayed not to return4 ,she1 as well as
 myself1 was fond of walking1 and we    
took long walks in an enchanting        
country4  ,satisfied with loving and    
daring to say ,i loved1 ,i should have  
been in the most agreeable situation had
 not my extravagance spoiled all the    
charm of it4  ,she1 at first1 could not 
comprehend the foolish pettishness with 
which ,i received her attentions2 but my
 heart1 incapable of concealing what    
passed in it1 did not long leave her    
ignorant of my suspicions2 she          
endeavored to laugh at them1 but this   
expedient did not succeed2 transports of
 rage would have been the consequence1  
and she changed her tone4  ,her         
compassionate gentleness was invincible2
 she made me reproaches1 which          
penetrated my heart2 she expressed an   
inquietude at my unjust fears1 of which 
,i took advantage4 ,i required proofs of
 her being in earnest4  ,she perceived  
there was no other means of relieving me
 from my apprehensions4  ,i became      

pressing3 the step was delicate4  ,it is
 astonishing1 and perhaps without       
example1 that a woman having suffered   
herself to be brought to hesitate should
 have got herself off so well4  ,she    
refused me nothing the most tender      
friendship could grant2 yet she granted 
me nothing that rendered her unfaithful1
 and ,i had the mortification to see    
that the disorder into which the most   
trifling favors had thrown all my senses
 had not the least effect upon hers4  ,i
 have somewhere said1 that nothing      
should be granted to the senses1 when we
 wished to refuse them anything4  ,to   
prove how false this maxim was relative 
to ,madam d' ,houdetot1 and how far she 
was right to depend upon her own        
strength of mind1 it would be necessary 
to enter into the detail of our long and
 frequent conversations1 and follow     
them1 in all their liveliness during the
 four months we passed together in an   
intimacy almost without example between 
two friends of different sexes who      

contain themselves within the bounds    
which we never exceeded4  ,ah6 if ,i had
 lived so long without feeling the power
 of real love1 my heart and senses      
abundantly paid the arrears4  ,what1    
therefore1 are the transports we feel   
with the object of our affections by    
whom we are beloved1 since the passions 
of which my idol did not partake        
inspired such as ,i felt8  ,but ,i am   
wrong in saying ,madam ,houdetot did not
 partake of the passion of love2 that   
which ,i felt was in some measure       
confined to myself2 yet love was equal  
on both sides1 but not reciprocal4  ,we 
were both intoxicated with the passion1 
she for her lover1 and ,i for herself2  
our sighs and delicious tears were      
mingled together4  ,tender confidants of
 the secrets of each other1 there was so
 great a similarity in our sentiments   
that it was impossible they should not  
find some common point of union4  ,in   
the midst of this delicious             
intoxication1 she never forgot herself  

for a moment1 and ,i solemnly protest   
that1 if ever1 led away by my senses1 ,i
 have attempted to render her           
unfaithful1 ,i was never really desirous
 of succeeding4  ,the vehemence itself  
of my passion restrained it within      
bounds4  ,the duty of self-denial had   
elevated my mind4  ,the lustre of every 
virture adorned in my eyes the idol of  
my heart2 to have soiled their divine   
image would have been to destroy it4  ,i
 might have committed the crime2 it has 
been a hundred times committed in my    
heart2 but to dishonor my ,sophia6  ,ah6
 was this ever possible8  ,no6 ,i have  
told her a hundred times it was not4    
,had ,i had it in my power to satisfy my
 desires1 had she consented to commit   
herself to my discretion1 ,i should1    
except in a few moments of delirium1    
have refused to be happy at the price of
 her honor4  ,i loved her too well to   
wish to possess her4  ,the distance from
 the ,hermitage to ,raubonne is almost a
 league2 in my frequent excursions to it

 ,i have sometimes slept there4  ,one   
evening after having supped tete-a-tete 
we went to walk in the garden by a fine 
moonlight4  ,at the bottom of the garden
 a considerable copse1 through which we 
passed on our way to a pretty grove     
ornamented with a cascade1 of which ,i  
had given her the idea1 and she had     
procured it to be executed accordingly4 
,eternal remembrance of innocence and   
enjoyment6  ,it was in this grove that1 
seated by her side upon a seat of turf  
under an acacia in full bloom1 ,i found 
for the emotions of my heart a language 
worthy of them4 ,it was the first and   
only time of my life2 but ,i was        
sublime3 if everything amiable and      
seducing with which the most tender and 
ardent love can inspire the heart of man
 can be so called4  ,what intoxicating  
tears did ,i shed upon her knees6 how   
many did ,i make her to shed            
involuntarily6  ,at length in an        
involuntary transport she exclaimed3    
,no1 never was a man so amiable1 nor    

ever was there one who loved like you6  
,but your friend ,saint ,lambert hears  
us1 and my heart is incapable of loving 
twice4  ,i exhausted myself with sighs2 
,i embraced her--what an embrace6  ,but 
this was all4  ,she had lived alone for 
the last six months1 that is absent from
 her husband and lover2 ,i had seen her 
almost every day during three months1   
and love seldom failed to make a third4 
,we had supped tete-a-tete1 we were     
alone1 in the grove by moonlight1 and   
after two hours of the most lively and  
tender conversation1 she left this grove
 at midnight1 and the arms of her lover1
 as morally and physically pure as she  
had entered it4  ,reader1 weigh all     
these circumstances2 ,i will add nothing
 more4  ,do not1 however1 imagine that  
in this situation my passions left me as
 undisturbed as ,i was with ,theresa and
 mamma4  ,i have already observed ,i was
 this time inspired not only with love1 
but with love and all its energy and    
fury4  ,i will not describe either the  

agitations1 tremblings1 palpitations1   
convulsionary emotions1 nor faintings of
 the heart1 ,i continually experienced2 
these may be judged of by the effect her
 image alone made upon me4  ,i have     
observed the distance from the          
,hermitage to ,eaubonne was             
considerable2 ,i went by the hills of   
,andilly1 which are delightful2 ,i      
mused1 as ,i walked1 on her whom ,i was 
going to see1 the charming reception she
 would give me1 and upon the kiss which 
awaited me at my arrival4  ,this single 
kiss1 this pernicious embrace1 even     
before ,i received it1 inflamed my blood
 to such a degree as to affect my head1 
my eyes were dazzled1 my knees trembled1
 and were unable to support me2 ,i was  
obliged to stop and sit down2 my whole  
frame was in inconceivable disorder1 and
 ,i was upon the point of fainting4     
,knowing the danger1 ,i endeavored at   
setting out to divert my attention from 
the object1 and think of something else4
  ,i had not proceeded twenty steps     

before the same recollection1 and all   
that was the consequence of it1 assailed
 me in such a manner that it was        
impossible to avoid them1 and in spite  
of all my efforts ,i do not believe ,i  
ever made this little excursion alone   
with impunity4  ,i arrived at ,eaubonne1
 weak1 exhausted1 and scarcely able to  
support myself4  ,the moment ,i saw her 
everything was repaired2 all ,i felt in 
her presence was the importunity of an  
inexhaustible and useless ardor4  ,upon 
the road to ,raubonne there was a       
pleasant terrace called ,mont ,olympe1  
at which we sometimes met4  ,i arrived  
first1 it was proper ,i should wait for 
her2 but how dear this waiting cost me6 
,to divert my attention1 ,i endeavored  
to write with my pencil billets1 which  
,i could have written with the purest   
drops of my blood2 ,i never could finish
 one which was eligible4  ,when she     
found a note in the niche upon which we 
had agreed1 all she learned from the    
contents was the deplorable state in    

which ,i was when ,i wrote it4  ,this   
state and its continuation1 during three
 months of irritation and self-denial1  
so exhausted me1 that ,i was several    
years before ,i recovered from it1 and  
at the end of these it left me an       
ailment which ,i shall carry with me1 or
 which will carry me to the grave4      
,such was the sole enjoyment of a man of
 the most combustible constitution1 but 
who was1 at the same time1 perhaps1 one 
of the most timid mortals nature ever   
produced4  ,such were the last happy    
days ,i can reckon upon earth2 at the   
end of these began the long train of    
evils1 in which there will be found but 
little interruption4  ,it has been seen 
that1 during the whole course of my     
life1 my heart1 as transparent as       
crystal1 has never been capable of      
concealing for the space of a moment any
 sentiment in the least lively which had
 taken refuge in it4  ,it will therefore
 be judged whether or not it was        
possible for me long to conceal my      

affection for ,madam d',houdetot4  ,our 
intimacy struck the eyes of everybody1  
we did not make of it either a secret or
 a mystery4  ,it was not of a nature to 
require any such precaution1 and as     
,madam d',houdetot had for me the most  
tender friendship with which she did not
 reproach herself1 and ,i for her an    
esteem with the justice of which nobody 
was better acquainted than myself2 she  
frank1 absent1 heedless2 ,i true1       
awkward1 haughty1 impatient and         
choleric2 ,we exposed ourselves more in 
deceitful security than we should have  
done had we been culpable4  ,we both    
went to the ,chevrette2 we sometimes met
 there by appointment4  ,we lived there 
according to our accustomed manner2     
walking together every day talking of   
our amours1 our duties1 our friend1 and 
our innocent projects2 all this in the  
park opposite the apartment of ,madam   
d',epinay1 under her windows1 whence    
incessantly examining us1 and thinking  
herself braved1 she by her eyes filled  

her heart with rage and indignation4    
,women have the art of concealing their 
anger1 especially when it is great4     
,madam d',epinay1 violent but           
deliberate1 possessed this art to an    
eminent degree4  ,she feigned not to see
 or suspect anything1 and at the same   
time that she doubled towards me her    
cares1 attention1 and allurements1 she  
affected to load her sister-in-law with 
incivilities and marks of disdain1 which
 she seemingly wished to communicate to 
me4 ,it will easily be imagined she did 
not succeed2 but ,i was on the rack4    
,torn by opposite passions1 at the same 
time that ,i was sensible of her        
caresses1 ,i could scarcely contain my  
anger when ,i saw her wanting in good   
manners to ,madam d',houdetot4  ,the    
angelic sweetness of this lady made her 
endure everything without complaint1 or 
even without being offended4  ,she was1 
in fact1 so absent1 and always so little
 attentive to these things1 that half   
the time she did not perceive them4  ,i 

was so taken up with my passion1 that1  
seeing nothing but ,sophia 7one of the  
names of ,madam d',houdetot71,i did not 
perceive that ,i was become the         
laughing-stock of the whole house1 and  
all those who came to it4  ,the ,baron  
d',holbach1 who never1 as ,i heard of1  
had been at the ,chevrette1 was one of  
the latter4  ,had ,i at that time been  
as mistrustful as ,i am since become1 ,i
 should strongly have suspected ,madam  
d',epinay to have contrived this journey
 to give the baron the amusing spectacle
 of an amorous citizen4  ,but ,i was    
then so stupid that ,i saw not that even
 which was glaring to everybody4  ,my   
stupidity did not1 however1 prevent me  
from finding in the baron a more jovial 
and satisfied appearance than ordinary4 
,instead of looking upon me with his    
usual moroseness1 he said to me a       
hundred jocose things without my knowing
 what he meant4  ,surprise was painted  
in my countenance1 but ,i answered not a
 word3 ,madam d',epinay shook her sides 

with laughing2 ,i knew not what         
possessed them4 ,as nothing yet passed  
the bounds of pleasantry1 the best thing
 ,i could had done1 had ,i been in the  
secret1 would have been to have humored 
the joke4  ,it is true ,i perceived amid
 the rallying gayety of the baron1 that 
his eyes sparkled with a malicious joy1 
which could have given me pain had ,i   
then remarked it to the degree it has   
since occurred to my recollection4  ,one
 day when ,i went to see ,madam         
d',houdetot1 at ,eaubonne1 after her    
return from one of her journeys to      
,paris1 ,i found her melancholy1 and    
observed that she had been weeping4  ,i 
was obliged to put a restraint on       
myself1 because ,madam de ,blainville1  
sister to her husband1 was present2 but 
the moment ,i found an opportunity1 ,i  
expressed to her my uneasiness4 ,ah1    
said she1 with a sigh1 ,i am much afraid
 your follies will cost me the repose of
 the rest of my days4  ,st4 ,lambert has
 been informed of what has passed1 and  

ill informed of it4  ,he does me        
justice1 but he is vexed2 and what is   
still worse1 he conceals from me a part 
of his vexation4 ,fortunately ,i have   
not concealed from him anything relative
 to our connection which was formed     
under his auspices4  ,my letters1 like  
my heart1 were full of yourself2 ,i made
 him acquainted with everything1 except 
your extravagant passion1 of which ,i   
hoped to cure you2 and which he imputes 
to me as a crime4  ,somebody has done us
 ill offices4  ,i have been injured1 but
 what does this signify8  ,either let us
 entirely break with each other1 or do  
you be what you ought to be4  ,i will   
not in future have anything to conceal  
from my lover4  ,this was the first     
moment in which ,i was sensible of the  
shame of feeling myself humbled by the  
sentiment of my fault1 in presence of a 
young woman of whose just reproaches ,i 
approved1 and to whom ,i ought to have  
been a mentor4  ,the indignation ,i felt
 against myself would1 perhaps1 have    

been sufficient to overcome my weakness1
 had not the tender passion inspired me 
by the victim of it1 again softened my  
heart4  ,alas6 was this a moment to     
harden it when it was overflowed by the 
tears which penetrated it in every part8
  ,this tenderness was soon changed into
 rage against the vile informers1 who   
had seen nothing but the evil of a      
criminal but involuntary sentiment1     
without believing or even imagining the 
sincere uprightness of heart by which it
 was counteracted4  ,we did not remain  
long in doubt about the hand by which   
the blow was directed4  ,we both knew   
that ,madam d',epinay corresponded with 
,st4 ,lambert4  ,this was not the first 
storm she had raised up against ,madam  
d',houdetot1 from whom she had made a   
thousand efforts to detach her lover1   
the success of some of which made the   
consequences to be dreaded4  ,besides1  
,grimm1 who1 ,i think1 had accompanied  
,m4 de ,castries to the army1 was in    
,westphalia1 as well as ,saint ,lambert2

 they sometimes visited4  ,grimm had    
made some attempts on ,madam            
d',houdetot1 which had not succeeded1   
and being extremely piqued1 suddenly    
discontinued his visits to her4  ,let it
 be judged with what calmness1 modest as
 he is known to be1 he supposed she     
preferred to him a man older than       
himself1 and of whom1 since he had      
frequented the great1 he had never      
spoken but as a person whom he          
patronized4  ,my suspicions of ,madam   
d',epinay were changed into a certainty 
the moment ,i heard what had passed in  
my own house4  ,when ,i was at the      
,chevrette1 ,theresa frequently came    
there1 either to bring me letters or to 
pay me that attention which my ill state
 of health rendered necessary4  ,madam  
d',epinay had asked her if ,madam       
d',houdetot and ,i did not write to each
 other4  ,upon her answering in the     
affirmative1 ,madam d',epinay pressed   
her to give her the letters of ,madam   
d',houdetot1 assuring her that she would

 reseal them in such a manner as it     
should never be known4  ,theresa1       
without showing how much she was shocked
 at the proposition1 and without even   
putting me upon my guard1 did nothing   
more than seal the letters she brought  
me more carefully2 a lucky precaution1  
for ,madam d',epinay had her watched    
when she arrived1 and1 waiting for her  
in the passage1 several times carried   
her audaciousness as far as to examine  
her tucker4  ,she did more even than    
this3 having one day invited herself    
with ,m4 de ,margency to dinner at the  
,hermitage1 for the first time since ,i 
resided there1 she seized the moment ,i 
was walking with ,margency to go into my
 closet with the mother and daughter1   
and to press them to show her the       
letters of ,madam d',houdetot4  ,had the
 mother known where the letters were1   
they would have been given to her2      
fortunately1 the daughter was the only  
person who was in the secret1 and denied
 my having preserved any one of them4   

,a virtuous1 faithful and generous      
falsehood2 whilst truth would have been 
a perfidy4  ,madam d' ,epinay1          
perceiving ,theresa was not to be       
seduced1 endeavored to irritate her by  
jealousy1 reproaching her with her easy 
temper and blindness4  ,how is it       
possible1 said she to her1 you cannot   
perceive there is a criminal intercourse
 between them8  ,if besides what strikes
 your eyes you stand in need of other   
proofs1 lend your assistance to obtain  
that which may furnish them2 you say he 
tears the letters from ,madam           
d',houdetot as soon as he has read them4
  ,well1 carefully gather up the pieces 
and give them to me2 ,i will take upon  
myself to put them together4  ,such were
 the lessons my friend gave to the      
partner of my bed4  ,theresa had the    
discretion to conceal from me1 for a    
considerable time1 all these attempts2  
but perceiving how much ,i was          
perplexed1 she thought herself obliged  
to inform me of everything1 to the end  

that knowing with whom ,i had to do1 ,i 
might take my measures accordingly4  ,my
 rage and indignation are not to be     
described4  ,instead of dissembling with
 ,madam d',epinay1 according to her own 
example1 and making use of counterplots1
 ,i abandoned myself without reserve to 
the natural impetuosity of my temper2   
and with my accustomed inconsiderateness
 came to an open rupture4 ,my imprudence
 will be judged of by the following     
letters1 which sufficiently show the    
manner of proceeding of both parties on 
this occasion3  ,,note ,,from ,,madam   
,d',,epinay4 ,why1 my dear friend1 do ,i
 not see you8  ,you make me uneasy4     
,you have so often promised me to do    
nothing but go and come between this    
place and the ,hermitage6  ,in this ,i  
have left you at liberty2 and you have  
suffered a week to pass without coming4 
,had not ,i been told you were well ,i  
should have imagined the contrary4  ,i  
expected you either the day before      
yesterday1 or yesterday1 but found      

myself disappointed4  ,my ,god1 what is 
the matter with you8  ,you have no      
business1 nor can you have any          
uneasiness2 for had this been the case1 
,i flatter myself you would have come   
and communicated it to me4  ,you are1   
therefore1 ill6  ,relieve me1 ,i beseech
 you1 speedily from my fears4  ,adieu1  
my dear friend3 let this adieu produce  
me a good-morning from you4  ,,answer4  
,i cannot yet say anything to you4  ,i  
wait to be better informed1 and this ,i 
shall be sooner or later4  ,in the      
meantime be persuaded that innocence    
will find a defender sufficiently       
powerful to cause some repentance in the
 slanderers1 be they who they may4      
,,second ,,note ,,from ,,the ,,same4 ,do
 you know that your letter frightens me8
  ,what does it mean8  ,i have read it  
twenty times4  ,in truth ,i do not      
understand what it means4  ,all ,i can  
perceive is1 that you are uneasy and    
tormented1 and that you wait until you  
are no longer so before you speak to me 

upon the subject4 ,is this1 my dear     
friend1 what we agreed upon8  ,what then
 is become of that friendship and       
confidence1 and by what means have ,i   
lost them8 ,is it with me or for me that
 you are angry8  ,however this may be1  
come to me this evening ,i conjure you2 
remember you promised me no longer than 
a week ago to let nothing remain upon   
your mind1 but immediately to           
communicate to me whatever might make it
 uneasy4  ,my dear friend1 ,i live in   
that confidence--,there--,i have just   
read your letter again2 ,i do not       
understand the contents better1 but they
 make me tremble4  ,you seem to be      
cruelly agitated4  ,i could wish to calm
 your mind1 but as ,i am ignorant of the
 cause whence your uneasiness arises1 ,i
 know not what to say1 except that ,i am
 as wretched as yourself1 and shall     
remain so until we meet4 ,if you are not
 here this evening at six o'clock1 ,i   
set off to morrow for the ,hermitage1   
let the weather be how it will1 and in  

whatever state of health ,i may be2 for 
,i can no longer support the inquietude 
,i now feel4  ,good day1 my dear friend1
 at all risks ,i take the liberty to    
tell you1 without knowing whether or not
 you are in need of such advice1 to     
endeavor to stop the progress uneasiness
 makes in solitude4  ,a fly be comes a  
monster4  ,i have frequently experienced
 it4  ,,answer4 ,i can neither come to  
see you nor receive your visit so long  
as my present inquietude continues4     
,the confidence of which you speak no   
longer exists1 and it will be easy for  
you to recover it4  ,i see nothing more 
in your present anxiety than the desire 
of drawing from the confessions of      
others some advantage agreeable to your 
views2 and my heart1 so ready to pour   
its overflowings into another which     
opens itself to receive them1 is shut   
against trick and cunning4  ,i          
distinguish your ordinary address in the
 difficulty you find in understanding my
 note4 ,do you think me dupe enough to  

believe you have not comprehended what  
it meant8  ,no3 but ,i shall know how to
 overcome your subtleties by my         
frankness4  ,i will explain myself more 
clearly1 that you may understand me     
still less4  ,two lovers closely united 
and worthy of each other's love are dear
 to me2 ,i expect you will not know who 
,i mean unless ,i name them4  ,i presume
 attempts have been made to disunite    
them1 and that ,i have been made use of 
to inspire one of the two with jealousy4
  ,the choice was not judicious1 but it 
appeared convenient to the purposes of  
malice1 and of this malice it is you    
whom ,i suspect to be guilty4  ,i hope  
this becomes more clear4  ,thus the     
woman whom ,i most esteem would1 with my
 knowledge1 have been loaded with the   
infamy of dividing her heart and person 
between two lovers1 and ,i with that of 
being one of these wretches4  ,if ,i    
knew that1 for a single moment in your  
life1 you ever had thought this1 either 
of her or myself1 ,i should hate you    

until my last hour4  ,but it is with    
having said1 and not with having thought
 it1 that ,i charge you4  ,in this case1
 ,i cannot comprehend which of the three
 you wished to injure2 but1 if you love 
peace of mind1 tremble lest you should  
have succeeded4 ,i have not concealed   
either from you or her all the ill ,i   
think of certain connections1 but ,i    
wish these to end by a means as virtuous
 as their cause1 and that an            
illegitimate love may be changed into an
 eternal friendship4  ,should ,i1 who   
never do ill to any person1 be the      
innocent means of doing it to my        
friends8  ,no1 ,i should never forgive  
you2 ,i should become your              
irreconcilable enemy4  ,your secrets are
 all ,i should respect2 for ,i will     
never be a man without honor4  ,i do not
 apprehend my present perplexity will   
continue a long time4  ,i shall soon    
know whether or not ,i am deceived2 ,i  
shall then perhaps have great injuries  
to repair1 which ,i will do with as much

 cheerfulness as that with which the    
most agreeable act of my life has been  
accompanied4 ,but do you know in what   
manner ,i will make amends for my faults
 during the short space of time ,i have 
to remain near to you8  ,by doing what  
nobody but myself would do2 by telling  
you freely what the world thinks of you1
 and the breaches you have to repair in 
your reputation4 ,notwithstanding all   
the pretended friends by whom you are   
surrounded1 the moment you see me depart
 you may bid adieu to truth1 you will no
 longer find any person who will tell it
 to you4   ,,third ,,letter ,,from ,,the
 ,,same4  ,i did not understand your    
letter of this morning2 this ,i told you
 because it was the case4  ,i understand
 that of this evening2 do not imagine ,i
 shall ever return an answer to it2 ,i  
am too anxious to forget what it        
contains2 and although you excite my    
pity1 ,i am not proof against the       
bitterness with which it has filled my  
mind4  ,i6  descend to trick and cunning

 with you6  ,i6  accused of the blackest
 of all infamies6 ,adieu1 ,i regret your
 having the adieu4  ,i know not what ,i 
say adieu3 ,i shall be very anxious to  
forgive you4  ,you will come when you   
please2 you will be better received than
 your suspicions deserve4  ,all ,i have 
to desire of you is not to trouble      
yourself about my reputation4  ,the     
opinion of the world concerning me is of
 but little importance in my esteem4    
,my conduct is good1 and this is        
sufficient for me4  ,besides1 ,i am     
ignorant of what has happened to the two
 persons who are dear to me as they are 
to you4   ,this last letter extricated  
me from a terrible embarrassment1 and   
threw me into another of almost the same
 magnitude4  ,although these letters and
 answers were sent and returned the same
 day with an extreme rapidity1 the      
interval had been sufficient to place   
another between my rage and transport1  
and to give me time to reflect on the   
enormity of my imprudence4  ,madam      

d',houdetot had not recommended to me   
anything so much as to remain quiet1 to 
leave her the care of extricating       
herself1 and to avoid1 especially at    
that moment1 all noise and rupture2 and 
,i1 by the most open and atrocious      
insults1 took the properest means of    
carrying rage to its greatest height in 
the heart of a woman who was already but
 too well disposed to it4  ,i now could 
naturally expect nothing from her but an
 answer so haughty1 disdainful1 and     
expressive of contempt1 that ,i could   
not1 without the utmost meanness1 do    
otherwise than immediately quit her     
house4  ,happily she1 more adroit than  
,i was furious1 avoided1 by the manner  
of her answer1 reducing me to that      
extremity4  ,but it was necessary either
 to quit or immediately go and see her2 
the alternative was inevitable2 ,i      
resolved on the latter1 though ,i       
foresaw how much ,i must be embarrassed 
in the explanation4  ,for how was ,i to 
get through it without exposing either  

,madam d',houdetot or ,theresa8 and woe 
to her whom ,i should have named6       
,there was nothing that the vengeance of
 an implacable and an intriguing woman  
did not make me fear for the person who 
should be the object of it4  ,it was to 
prevent this misfortune that in my      
letter ,i had spoken of nothing but     
suspicions1 that ,i might not be under  
the necessity of producing my proofs4   
,this1 it is true1 rendered my          
transports less excusable2 no simple    
suspicions being sufficient to authorize
 me to treat a woman1 and especially a  
friend1 in the manner ,i had treated    
,madam d',epinay4  ,but here begins the 
noble task ,i worthily fulfilled of     
expiating my faults and secret          
weaknesses by charging myself with such 
of the former as ,i was incapable of    
committing1 and which ,i never did      
commit4  ,i had not to bear the attack  
,i had expected1 and fear was the       
greatest evil ,i received from it4  ,at 
my approach1 ,madam d' ,epinay threw her

 arms about my neck1 bursting into      
tears4  ,this unexpected reception1 and 
by an old friend1 extremely affected me2
 ,i also shed many tears4  ,i said to   
her a few words which had not much      
meaning2 she uttered others with still  
less1 and everything ended here4        
,supper was served2 we sat down to      
table1 where1 in expectation of the     
explanation ,i imagined to be deferred  
until supper was over1 ,i made a very   
poor figure2 for ,i am so overpowered by
 the most trifling inquietude of mind   
that ,i cannot conceal it from persons  
the least clear-sighted4  ,my           
embarrassed appearance must have given  
her courage1 yet she did not risk       
anything upon that foundation4 ,there   
was no more explanation after than      
before supper3 none took place on the   
next day1 and our little tete-a-tete    
conversations consisted of indifferent  
things1 or some complimentary words on  
my part1 by which1 while ,i informed her
 ,i could not say more relative to my   

suspicions1 ,i asserted1 with the       
greatest truth1 that1 if they were      
ill-founded1 my whole life should be    
employed in repairing the injustice4    
,she did not show the least curiosity to
 know precisely what they were1 nor for 
what reason ,i had formed them1 and all 
our peacemaking consisted1 on her part  
as well as on mine1 in the embrace at   
our first meeting4  ,since ,madam       
d',epinay was the only person offended1 
at least in form1 ,i thought it was not 
for me to strive to bring about an      
eclaircissement for which she herself   
did not seem anxious1 and ,i returned as
 ,i had come2 continuing1 besides1 to   
live with her upon the same footing as  
before1 ,i soon almost entirely forgot  
the quarrel1 and foolishly believed she 
had done the same1 because she seemed   
not to remember what had passed4  ,this1
 it will soon appear1 was not the only  
vexation caused me by weakness2 but ,i  
had others not less disagreeable which  
,i had not brought upon myself4  ,the   

only cause of these was a desire of     
forcing me from my solitude1       ,that
 is to take from it the old woman who   
was wanted in the      conspiracy4  ,it 
is astonishing that1 during this long   
quarrel1      my stupid confidence      
presented me from comprehending that it 
was      not me but her whom they wanted
 in ,paris4  by means of tormenting me4 
,these originated from ,diderot and the 
d',holbachiens4  ,since ,i had resided  
at the ,hermitage1 ,diderot incessantly 
harrassed me1 either himself or by means
 of ,de ,leyre1 and ,i soon perceived   
from the pleasantries of the latter upon
 my ramblings in the groves1 with what  
pleasure he had travestied the hermit   
into the gallant shepherd4  ,but this   
was not the question in my quarrels with
 ,diderot2 the cause of these were more 
serious4  ,after the publication of     
,fils ,naturel he had sent me a copy of 
it1 which ,i had read with the interest 
and attention ,i ever bestowed on the   
works of a friend4  ,in reading the kind

 of poem annexed to it1 ,i was surprised
 and rather grieved to find in it1      
amongst several things1 disobliging but 
supportable against men in solitude1    
this bitter and severe sentence without 
the least softening3 ',il n'y a que le  
mechant qui fail feul4'--,the wicked    
only is alone4 --,this sentence is      
equivocal1 and seems to present a double
 meaning2 the one true1 the other false1
 since it is impossible that a man who  
is determined to remain alone can do the
 least harm to anybody1 and consequently
 he cannot be wicked4  ,the sentence in 
itself therefore required an            
interpretation2 the more so from an     
author who1 when he sent it to the      
press1 had a friend retired from the    
world4  ,it appeared to me shocking and 
uncivil1 either to have forgotten that  
solitary friend1 or1 in remembering him1
 not to have made from the general maxim
 the honorable and just exception which 
he owed1 not only to his friend1 but to 
so many respectable sages1 who1 in all  

ages1 have sought for peace and         
tranquillity in retirement1 and of whom1
 for the first time since the creation  
of the world1 a writer took it into his 
head indiscriminately to make so many   
villains4  ,i had a great affection and 
the most sincere esteem for ,diderot1   
and fully depended upon his having the  
same sentiments for me4  ,but tired with
 his indefatigable obstinacy in         
continually opposing my inclinations1   
taste1 and manner of living1 and        
everything which related to no person   
but myself2 shocked at seeing a man     
younger than ,i was wish1 at all events1
 to govern me like a child2 disgusted   
with his facility in promising1 and his 
negligence in performing2 weary of so   
many appointments given by himself1 and 
capriciously broken1 while new ones were
 again given only to be again broken2   
displeased at uselessly waiting for him 
three or four times a month on the days 
he had assigned1 and in dining alone at 
night after having gone to ,saint ,denis

 to meet him1 and waited the whole day  
for his coming2 my heart was already    
full of these multiplied injuries4      
,this last appeared to me still more    
serious1 and gave me infinite pain4  ,i 
wrote to complain of it1 but in so mild 
and tender a manner that ,i moistened my
 paper with my tears1 and my letter was 
sufficiently affecting to have drawn    
others from himself4  ,it would be      
impossible to guess his answer on this  
subject3 it was literally as follows3 ,i
 am glad my work has pleased and        
affected you4  ,you are not of my       
opinion relative to hermits4  ,say as   
much good of them as you please1 you    
will be the only one in the world of    
whom ,i shall think well3 even on this  
there would be much to say were it      
possible to speak to you without giving 
you offence4  ,a woman eighty years of  
age6  etc4  ,a phrase of a letter from  
the son of ,madam d',epinay which1 if ,i
 know you well1 must have given you much
 pain1 has been mentioned to me4  ,the  

last two expressions of this letter want
 explanation4  ,soon after ,i went to   
reside at the ,hermitage1 ,madam le     
,vasseur seemed dissatisfied with her   
situation1 and to think the habitation  
too retired4 ,having heard she had      
expressed her dislike to the place1 ,i  
offered to send her back to ,paris1 if  
that were more agreeable to her2 to pay 
her lodging1 and to have the same care  
taken of her as if she remained with me4
  ,she rejected my offer1 assured me she
 was very well satisfied with the       
,hermitage1 and that the country air was
 of service to her4  ,this was evident1 
for1 if ,i may so speak1 she seemed to  
become young again1 and enjoyed better  
health than at ,paris4  ,her daughter   
told me her mother would1 on the whole1 
had been very sorry to quit the         
,hermitage1 which was really a very     
delightful abode1 being fond of the     
little amusements of the garden and the 
care of the fruit of which she had the  
handling1 but that she had said1 what   

she had been desired to say1 to induce  
me to return to ,paris4  ,failing in    
this attempt they endeavored to obtain  
by a scruple the effect which           
complaisance had not produced1 and      
construed into a crime my keeping the   
old woman at a distance from the succors
 of which1 at her age1 she might be in  
need4  ,they did not recollect that she1
 and many other old people1 whose lives 
were prolonged by the air of the        
country1 might obtain these succors at  
,montmorency1 near to which ,i lived2 as
 if there were no old people1 except in 
,paris1 and that it was impossible for  
them to live in any other place4  ,madam
 le ,vasseur who eat a great deal1 and  
with extreme voracity1 was subject to   
overflowings of bile and to strong      
diarrhoeas1 which lasted several days1  
and served her instead of clysters4  ,at
 ,paris she neither did nor took        
anything for them1 but left nature to   
itself4  ,she observed the same rule at 
the ,hermitage1 knowing it was the best 

thing she could do4  ,no matter1 since  
there were not in the country either    
physicians or apothecaries1 keeping her 
there must1 no doubt1 be with the desire
 of putting an end to her existence1    
although she was in perfect health4     
,diderot should have determined at what 
age1 under pain of being punished for   
homicide1 it is no longer permitted to  
let old people remain out of ,paris4    
,this was one of the atrocious          
accusations from which he did not except
 me in his remark2 that none but the    
wicked were alone3 and the meaning of   
his pathetic exclamation with the et    
cetera1 which he had benignantly added3 
,a woman of eighty years of age1 etc4   
,i thought the best answer that could be
 given to this reproach would be from   
,madam le ,vasseur herself4  ,i desired 
her to write freely and naturally her   
sentiments to ,madam d',epinay4  ,to    
relieve her from all constraint ,i would
 not see her letter4  ,i showed her that
 which ,i am going to transcribe4  ,i   

wrote it to ,madam d',epinay upon the   
subject of an answer ,i wish to return  
to a letter still more severe from      
,diderot1 and which she had prevented me
 from sending4                          
,thursday4  ,my good friend4  ,madam le 
,vasseur is to write to you3 ,i have    
desired her to tell you sincerely what  
she thinks4  ,to remove from her all    
constraint1 ,i have intimated to her    
that ,i will not see what she writes1   
and ,i beg of you not to communicate to 
me any part of the contents of her      
letter4  ,i will not send my letter     
because you do not choose ,i should2    
but1 feeling myself grievously offended1
 it would be baseness and falsehood1 of 
either of which it is impossible for me 
to be guilty1 to acknowledge myself in  
the wrong4  ,holy writ commands him to  
whom a blow is given1 to turn the other 
cheek1 but not to ask pardon4  ,do you  
remember the man in comedy who exclaims1
 while he is giving another blows with  
his staff1 ',this is the part of a      

philosopher6'  ,do not flatter yourself 
that he will be prevented from coming by
 the bad weather we now have4  ,his rage
 will give him the time and strength    
which friendship refuses him1 and it    
will be the first time in his life he   
ever came upon the day he had appointed4
  ,he will neglect nothing to come and  
repeat to me verbally the injuries with 
which he loads me in his letters2 ,i    
will endure them all with patience--he  
will return to ,paris to be ill again2  
and1 according to custom1 ,i shall be a 
very hateful man4  ,what is to be done8 
,endure it all4  ,but do not you admire 
the wisdom of the man who would         
absolutely come to ,saint ,denis in a   
hackney-coach to dine there1 bring me   
home in a hackney-coach1 and whose      
finances1 eight days afterwards1 obliges
 him to come to the ,hermitage on foot8 
,it is not possible1 to speak his own   
language1 that this should be the style 
of sincerity4  ,but were this the case1 
strange changes of fortune must have    

happened in the course of a week4  ,i   
join in your affliction for the illness 
of madam1 your mother1 but you will     
perceive your grief is not equal to     
mine4  ,we suffer less by seeing the    
persons we love ill than when they are  
unjust and cruel4  ,adieu1 my good      
friend1 ,i shall never again mention to 
you this unhappy affair4  ,you speak of 
going to ,paris with an unconcern1      
which1 at any other time1 would give me 
pleasure4  ,i wrote to ,diderot1 telling
 him what ,i had done1 relative to      
,madam le ,vasseur1 upon the proposal of
 ,madam d',epinay herself2 and ,madam le
 ,vasseur having1 as it may be imagined1
 chosen to remain at the ,hermitage1    
where she enjoyed a good state of       
health1 always had company1 and lived   
very agreeably1 ,diderot1 not knowing   
what else to attribute to me as a crime1
 construed my precaution into one1 and  
discovered another in ,madam le ,vasseur
 continuing to reside at the ,hermitage1
 although this was by her own choice2   

and though her going to ,paris had      
depended1 and still depended upon       
herself1 where she would continue to    
receive the same succors from me as ,i  
gave her in my house4  ,this is the     
explanation of the first reproach in the
 letter of ,diderot4 ,that of the second
 is in the letter which follows3 ,the   
learned man 7a name given in a joke by  
,grimm to the son of ,madam d',epinay7  
must have informed you there were upon  
the rampart twenty poor persons who were
 dying with cold and hunger1 and waiting
 for the farthing you customarily gave  
them4  ,this is a specimen of our little
 babbling44444,and if you understand the
 rest it will amuse you perhap4  ,my    
answer to this terrible argument1 of    
which ,diderot seemed so proud1 was in  
the following words3  ,i think ,i       
answered the learned man2 that is1 the  
farmer-general1 that ,i did not pity the
 poor whom he had seen upon the rampart1
 waiting for my farthing2 that he had   
probably amply made it up to them2 that 

,i appointed him my substitute1 that the
 poor of ,paris would have no reason to 
complain of the change2 and that ,i     
should not easily find so good a one for
 the poor of ,montmorency1 who were in  
much greater need of assistance4 ,here  
is a good and respectable old man1 who1 
after having worked hard all his        
lifetime1 no longer being able to       
continue his labors1 is in his old days 
dying with hunger4  ,my conscience is   
more satisfied with the two sous ,i give
 him every ,monday1 than with the       
hundred farthings ,i should have        
distributed amongst all the beggars on  
the rampart4  ,you are pleasant men1 you
 philosophers1 while you consider the   
inhabitants of the cities as the only   
persons whom you ought to befriend4  ,it
 is in the country men learn how to love
 and serve humanity2 all they learn in  
cities is to despise it4  ,such were the
 singular scruples on which a man of    
sense had the folly to attribute to me  
as a crime my retiring from ,paris1 and 

pretended to prove to me by my own      
example1 that it was not possible to    
live out of the capital without becoming
 a bad man4  ,i cannot at present       
conceive how ,i could be guilty of the  
folly of answering him1 and of suffering
 myself to be angry instead of laughing 
in his fare4  ,however1 the decisions of
 ,madam d',epinay and the clamors of the
 ',cote in ,holbachique' had so far     
operated in her favor1 that ,i was      
generally thought to be in the wrong2   
and the ,d',houdetot herself1 very      
partial to ,diderot1 insisted upon my   
going to see him at ,paris1 and making  
all the advances towards an             
accommodation which1 full and sincere as
 it was on my part1 was not of long     
duration4  ,the victorious argument by  
which she subdued my heart was1 that at 
that moment ,diderot was in distress4   
,besides the storm excited against the  
',encyclopedie'1 he had then another    
violent one to make head against1       
relative to his piece1 which1           

notwithstanding the short history he had
 printed at the head of it1 he was      
accused of having entirely taken from   
,goldoni4  ,diderot1 more wounded by    
criticisms than ,voltaire1 was          
overwhelmed by them4  ,madam de         
,grasigny had been malicious enough to  
spread a report that ,i had broken with 
him on this account4 ,i thought it would
 be just and generous publicly to prove 
the contrary1 and ,i went to pass two   
days1 not only with him1 but at his     
lodgings4 ,this1 since ,i had taken up  
my abode at the ,hermitage1 was my      
second journey to ,paris4  ,i had made  
the first to run to poor ,gauffecourt1  
who had had a stroke of apoplexy1 from  
which he has never perfectly recovered3 
,i did not quit the side of his pillow  
until he was so far restored as to have 
no further need of my assistance4       
,diderot received me well4  ,how many   
wrongs are effaced by the embraces of a 
friend6  after these1 what resentment   
can remain in the heart8  ,we came to   

but little explanation4  ,this is       
needless for reciprocal invectives4 ,the
 only thing necessary is to know how to 
forget them4  ,there had been no        
underhand proceedings1 none at least    
that had come to my knowledge3 the case 
was not the same with ,madam d' ,epinay4
  ,he showed me the plan of the ',pere  
de ,famille'4  ,this1 said ,i to him1 is
 the best defence to the ',fils         
,naturel'4  ,be silent1 give your       
attention to this piece1 and then throw 
it at the head of your enemies as the   
only answer you think proper to make    
them4  ,he did so1 and was satisfied    
with what he had done4  ,i had six      
months before sent him the first two    
parts of my ',eloisa' to have his       
opinion upon them4  ,he had not yet read
 the work over4  ,we read a part of it  
together4  ,he found this 'feuillet'1   
that was his term1 by which he meant    
loaded with words and redundancies4  ,i 
myself had already perceived it2 but it 
was the babbling of the fever3 ,i have  

never been able to correct it4  ,the    
last parts are not the same4  ,the      
fourth especially1 and the sixth1 are   
master-pieces of diction4  ,the day     
after my arrival1 he would absolutely   
take me to sup with ,m4 d',holbach4  ,we
 were far from agreeing on this point2  
for ,i wished even to get rid of the    
bargain for the manuscript on chemistry1
 for which ,i was enraged to be obliged 
to that man4  ,diderot carried all      
before him4  ,he swore ,d',holbach loved
 me with all his heart1 said ,i must    
forgive him his manner1 which was the   
same to everybody1 and more disagreeable
 to his friends than to others4  ,he    
observed to me that1 refusing the       
produce of this manuscript1 after having
 accepted it two years before1 was an   
affront to the donor which he had not   
deserved1 and that my refusal might be  
interpreted into a secret reproach1 for 
having waited so long to conclude the   
bargain4  ,i see1 added he1 ,d',holbach 
every day1 and know better than you do  

the nature of his disposition4  ,had you
 reason to be dissatisfied with him1 do 
you think your friend capable of        
advising you to do a mean thing8  ,in   
short1 with my accustomed weakness1 ,i  
suffered myself to be prevailed upon1   
and we went to sup with the baron1 who  
received me as he usually had done4     
,but his wife received me coldly and    
almost uncivilly4  ,i saw nothing in her
 which resembled the amiable ,caroline1 
who1 when a maid1 expressed for me so   
many good wishes4  ,i thought ,i had    
already perceived that since ,grimm had 
frequented the house of ,d',aine1 ,i had
 not met there so friendly a reception4 
,whilst ,i was at ,paris1 ,saint        
,lambert arrived there from the army4   
,as ,i was not acquainted with his      
arrival1 ,i did not see him until after 
my return to the country1 first at the  
,chevrette1 and afterwards at the       
,hermitage2 to which he came with ,madam
 d',houdetot1 and invited himself to    
dinner with me4  ,it may be judged      

whether or not ,i received him with     
pleasure6  ,but ,i felt one still       
greater at seeing the good understanding
 between my guests4  ,satisfied with not
 having disturbed their happiness1 ,i   
myself was happy in being a witness to  
it1 and ,i can safely assert that1      
during the whole of my mad passion1 and 
especially at the moment of which ,i    
speak1 had it been in my power to take  
from him ,madam d',houdetot ,i would not
 have done it1 nor should ,i have so    
much as been tempted to undertake it4   
,i found her so amiable in her passion  
for ,saint ,lambert1 that ,i could      
scarcely imagine she would have been as 
much so had she loved me instead of him2
 and without wishing to disturb their   
union1 all ,i really desired of her was 
to permit herself to be loved4          
,finally1 however violent my passion may
 have been for this lady1 ,i found it as
 agreeable to be the confidant1 as the  
object of her amours1 and ,i never for a
 moment considered her lover as a rival1

 but always as my friend4 ,it will be   
said this was not love3 be it so1 but it
 was something more4  ,as for ,saint    
,lambert1 he behaved like an honest and 
judicious man3 as ,i was the only person
 culpable1 so was ,i the only one who   
was punished2 this1 however1 was with   
the greatest indulgence4  ,he treated me
 severely1 but in a friendly manner1 and
 ,i perceived ,i had lost something in  
his esteem1 but not the least part of   
his friendship4  ,for this ,i consoled  
myself1 knowing it would be much more   
easy to me to recover the one than the  
other1 and that he had too much sense to
 confound an involuntary weakness and a 
passion with a vice of character4  ,if  
even ,i were in fault in all that had   
passed1 ,i was but very little so4  ,had
 ,i first sought after his mistress8    
,had not he himself sent her to me8     
,did not she come in search of me8      
,could ,i avoid receiving her8  ,what   
could ,i do8  ,they themselves had done 
the evil1 and ,i was the person on whom 

it fell4  ,in my situation they would   
have done as much as ,i did1 and perhaps
 more2 for1 however estimable and       
faithful ,madam d',houdetot might be1   
she was still a woman2 her lover was    
absent2 opportunities were frequent2    
temptations strong2 and it would have   
been very difficult for her always to   
have defended herself with the same     
success against a more enterprising man4
  ,we certainly had done a great deal in
 our situation1 in placing boundaries   
beyond which we never permitted         
ourselves to pass4  ,although at the    
bottom of my heart ,i found evidence    
sufficiently honorable in my favor1 so  
many appearances were against me1 that  
the invincible shame always predominant 
in me1 gave me in his presence the      
appearance of guilt1 and of this he took
 advantage for the purpose of humbling  
me3 a single circumstance will describe 
this reciprocal situation4  ,i read to  
him1 after dinner1 the letter ,i had    
written the preceding year to ,voltaire1

 and of which ,saint ,lambert had heard 
speak4 ,whilst ,i was reading he fell   
asleep1 and ,i1 lately so haughty1 at   
present so foolish1 dared not stop1 and 
continued to read whilst he continued to
 snore4  ,such were my indignities and  
such his revenge2 but his generosity    
never permitted him to exercise them2   
except between ourselves4  ,after his   
return to the army1 ,i found ,madam     
d',houdetot greatly changed in her      
manner with me4  ,at this ,i was as much
 surprised as if it had not been what ,i
 ought to have expected2 it affected me 
more than it ought to have done1 and did
 me considerable harm4  ,it seemed that 
everything from which ,i expected a     
cure1 still plunged deeper into my heart
 the dart1 which ,i at length broke in  
rather than draw out4  ,i was quite     
determined to conquer myself1 and leave 
no means untried to change my foolish   
passion into a pure and lasting         
friendship4  ,for this purpose ,i had   
formed the finest projects in the world2

 for the execution of which the         
concurrence of ,madam d' ,houdetot was  
necessary4  ,when ,i wished to speak to 
her ,i found her absent and embarrassed2
 ,i perceived ,i was no longer agreeable
 to her1 and that something had passed  
which she would not communicate to me1  
and which ,i have never yet known4      
,this change1 and the impossibility of  
knowing the reason of it1 grieved me to 
the heart4  ,she asked me for her       
letters2 these ,i returned her with a   
fidelity of which she did me the insult 
to doubt for a moment4  ,this doubt was 
another wound given to my heart1 with   
which she must have been so well        
acquainted4  ,she did me justice1 but   
not immediately3 ,i understood that an  
examination of the packet ,i had sent   
her1 made her perceive her error2 ,i saw
 she reproached herself with it1 by     
which ,i was a gainer of something4     
,she could not take back her letters    
without returning me mine4  ,she told me
 she had burnt them3 of this ,i dared to

 doubt in my turn1 and ,i confess ,i    
doubt of it at this moment4  ,no1 such  
letters as mine to her were1 are never  
thrown into the fire4  ,those of ,eloisa
 have been found ardent4  ,heavens6     
what would have been said of these6     
,no1 ,no1 she who can inspire a like    
passion1 will never have the courage to 
burn the proofs of it4  ,but ,i am not  
afraid of her having made a bad use of  
them3 of this ,i do not think her       
capable2 and besides ,i had taken proper
 measures to prevent it4  ,the foolish1 
but strong apprehension of raillery1 had
 made me begin this correspondence in a 
manner to secure my letters from all    
communication4  ,i carried the          
familiarity ,i permitted myself with her
 in my intoxication so far as to speak  
to her in the singular number3 but what 
theeing and thouing6  she certainly     
could not be offended with it4 ,yet she 
several times complained1 but this was  
always useless3 her complaints had no   
other effect than that of awakening my  

fears1 and ,i besides could not suffer  
myself to lose ground4  ,if these       
letters be not yet destroyed1 and should
 they ever be made public1 the world    
will see in what manner ,i have loved4  
,the grief caused me by the coldness of 
,madam d',houdetot1 and the certainty of
 not having merited it1 made me take the
 singular resolution to complain of it  
to ,saint ,lambert himself4  ,while     
waiting the effect of the letter ,i     
wrote to him1 ,i sought dissipations to 
which ,i ought sooner to have had       
recourse4  ,fetes were given at the     
,chevrette for which ,i composed music4 
,the pleasure of honoring myself in the 
eyes of ,madam d',houdetot by a talent  
she loved1 warmed my imagination1 and   
another object still contributed to give
 it animation1 this was the desire the  
author of the ',devin du ,villaqe' had  
of showing he understood music2 for ,i  
had perceived some persons had1 for a   
considerable time past1 endeavored to   
render this doubtful1 at least with     

respect to composition4 ,my beginning at
 ,paris1 the ordeal through which ,i had
 several times passed there1 both at the
 house of ,m4 ,dupin and that of ,m4 de 
la ,popliniere2 the quantity of music ,i
 had composed during fourteen years in  
the midst of the most celebrated masters
 and before their eyes3--finally1 the   
opera of the ',muses ,gallantes'1 and   
that even of the ',devin'2 a motet ,i   
had composed for ,mademoiselle ,fel1 and
 which she had sung at the spiritual    
concert2 the frequent conferences ,i had
 had upon this fine art with the first  
composers1 all seemed to prevent or     
dissipate a doubt of such a nature4     
,this however existed even at the       
,chevrette1 and in the mind of ,m4      
d',epinay himself4  ,without appearing  
to observe it1 ,i undertook to compose  
him a motet for the dedication of the   
chapel of the ,chevrette1 and ,i begged 
him to make choice of the words4  ,he   
directed de ,linant1 the tutor to his   
son1 to furnish me with these4  ,de     

,linant gave me words proper to the     
subject1 and in a week after ,i had     
received them the motet was finished4   
,this time1 spite was my ,apollo1 and   
never did better music come from my     
hand4  ,the words began with3 ',ecce    
sedes hic tonantis'4  7,i have since    
learned these were by ,santeuil1 and    
that ,m4 de ,linant had without scruple 
appropriated them to himself47 ,the     
grandeur of the opening is suitable to  
the words1 and the rest of the motet is 
so elegantly harmonious that everyone   
was struck with it4  ,i had composed it 
for a great orchestra4  ,d',epinay      
procured the best performers4  ,madam   
,bruna1 an ,italian singer1 sung the    
motet1 and was well accompanied4  ,the  
composition succeeded so well that it   
was afterwards performed at the         
spiritual concert1 where1 in spite of   
secret cabals1 and notwithstanding it   
was badly executed1 it was twice        
generally applauded4  ,i gave for the   
birthday of ,m4 d',epinay the idea of a 

kind of piece half dramatic and half    
pantomimical1 of which ,i also composed 
the music4  ,grimm1 on his arrival1     
heard speak of my musical success4  ,an 
hour afterwards not a word more was said
 on the subject2 but there no longer    
remained a doubt1 not at least that ,i  
know of1 of my knowledge of composition4
  ,grimm was scarcely arrived at the    
,chevrette1 where ,i already did not    
much amuse myself1 before he made it    
insupportable to me by airs ,i never    
before saw in any person1 and of which  
,i had no idea4  ,the evening before he 
came1 ,i was dislodged from the chamber 
of favor1 contiguous to that of ,madam  
d',epinay2 it was prepared for ,grimm1  
and instead of it1 ,i was put into      
another further off4  ,in this manner1  
said ,i1 laughingly1 to ,madam          
d',epinay1 new-comers displace those    
which are established4  ,she seemed     
embarrassed4  ,i was better acquainted  
the same evening with the reason for the
 change1 in learning that between her   

chamber and that ,i had quitted there   
was a private door which she had thought
 needless to show me4  ,her intercourse 
with ,grimm was not a secret either in  
her own house or to the public1 not even
 to her husband2 yet1 far from          
confessing it to me1 the confidant of   
secrets more important to her1 and which
 was sure would be faithfully kept1 she 
constantly denied it in the strongest   
manner4  ,i comprehended this reserve   
proceeded from ,grimm1 who1 though      
intrusted with all my secrets1 did not  
choose ,i should be with any of his4    
,however prejudiced ,i was in favor of  
this man by former sentiments1 which    
were not extinguished1 and by the real  
merit he had1 all was not proof against 
the cares he took to destroy it4  ,he   
received me like the ,comte de          
,tuffiere2 he scarcely deigned to return
 my salute2 he never once spoke to me1  
and prevented my speaking to him by not 
making me any answer2 he everywhere     
passed first1 and took the first place  

without ever paying me the least        
attention4  ,all this would have been   
supportable had he not accompanied it   
with a shocking affectation1 which may  
be judged of by one example taken from a
 hundred4  ,one evening ,madam          
d',epinay1 finding herself a little     
indisposed1 ordered something for her   
supper to be carried into her chamber1  
and went up stairs to sup by the side of
 the fire4  ,she asked me to go with    
her1 which ,i did4  ,grimm came         
afterwards4 ,the little table was       
already placed1 and there were but two  
covers4 ,supper was served2 ,madam d'   
,epinay took her place on one side of   
the fire1 ,grimm took an armed chair1   
seated himself at the other1 drew the   
little table between them1 opened his   
napkin1 and prepared himself for eating 
without speaking to me a single word4   
,madam d' ,epinay blushed at his        
behavior1 and1 to induce him to repair  
his rudeness1 offered me her place4  ,he
 said nothing1 nor did he ever look at  

me4  ,not being able to approach the    
fire1 ,i walked about the chamber until 
a cover was brought4  ,indisposed as ,i 
was1 older than himself1 longer         
acquainted in the house than he had     
been1 the person who had introduced him 
there1 and to whom as a favorite of the 
lady he ought to have done the honors of
 it1 he suffered me to sup at the end of
 the table1 at a distance from the fire1
 without showing me the least civility4 
,his whole behavior to me corresponded  
with this example of it4 ,he did not    
treat me precisely as his inferior1 but 
he looked upon me as a cipher4  ,i could
 scarcely recognize the same ,grimm1    
who1 to the house of the ,prince de     
,saxe-,gotha1 thought himself honored   
when ,i cast my eyes upon him4  ,i had  
still more difficulty in reconciling    
this profound silence and insulting     
haughtiness with the tender friendship  
he possessed for me to those whom he    
knew to be real friends4  ,it is true   
the only proofs he gave of it was       

pitying my wretched fortune1 of which ,i
 did not complain2 compassionating my   
sad fate1 with which ,i was satisfied2  
and lamenting to see me obstinately     
refuse the benevolent services he said1 
he wished to render me4  ,thus was it he
 artfully made the world admire his     
affectionate generosity1 blame my       
ungrateful misanthropy1 and insensibly  
accustomed people to imagine there was  
nothing more between a protector like   
him and a wretch like myself1 than a    
connection founded upon benefactions on 
one part and obligations on the other1  
without once thinking of a friendship   
between equals4  ,for my part1 ,i have  
vainly sought to discover in what ,i was
 under an obligation to this new        
protector4  ,i had lent him money1 he   
had never lent me any2 ,i had attended  
him in his illness1 he scarcely came to 
see me in mine2 ,i had given him all my 
friends1 he never had given me any of   
his2 ,i had said everything ,i could in 
his favor1 and if ever he has spoken of 

me it has been less publicly and in     
another manner4  ,he has never either   
rendered or offered me the least service
 of any kind4  ,how1 therefore1 was he  
my ,mecaenas8  ,in what manner was ,i   
protected by him8  ,this was            
incomprehensible to me1 and still       
remains so4  ,it is true1 he was more or
 less arrogant with everybody1 but ,i   
was the only person with whom he was    
brutally so4  ,i remember ,saint        
,lambert once ready to throw a plate at 
his head1 upon his1 in some measure1    
giving him the lie at table by vulgarly 
saying1 ,that is not true4  ,with his   
naturally imperious manner he had the   
self-sufficiency of an upstart1 and     
became ridiculous by being extravagantly
 impertinent4  ,an intercourse with the 
great had so far intoxicated him that he
 gave himself airs which none but the   
contemptible part of them ever assume4  
,he never called his lackey but by ,eh6 
as if amongst the number of his servants
 my lord had not known which was in     

waiting4  ,when he sent him to buy      
anything1 he threw the money upon the   
ground instead of putting it into his   
hand4 ,in short1 entirely forgetting he 
was a man1 he treated him with such     
shocking contempt1 and so cruel a       
disdain in everything1 that the poor    
lad1 a very good creature1 whom ,madam  
d',epinay had recommended1 quitted his  
service without any other complaint than
 that of the impossibility of enduring  
such treatment4  ,this was the la ,fleur
 of this new presuming upstart4  ,as    
these things were nothing more than     
ridiculous1 but quite opposite to my    
character1 they contributed to render   
him suspicious to me4  ,i could easily  
imagine that a man whose head was so    
much deranged could not have a heart    
well placed4  ,he piqued himself upon   
nothing so much as upon sentiments4     
,how could this agree with defects which
 are peculiar to little minds8  ,how can
 the continued overflowings of a        
susceptible heart suffer it to be       

incessantly employed in so many little  
cares relative to the person8  ,he who  
feels his heart inflamed with this      
celestial fire strives to diffuse it1   
and wishes to show what he internally   
is4  ,he would wish to place his heart  
in his countenance1 and thinks not of   
other paint for his cheeks4  ,i remember
 the summary of his morality which      
,madam d',epinay had mentioned to me and
 adopted4  ,this consisted in one single
 article2 that the sole duty of man is  
to follow all the inclinations of his   
heart4  ,this morality1 when ,i heard it
 mentioned1 gave me great matter of     
reflection1 although ,i at first        
considered it solely as a play of wit4  
,but ,i soon perceived it was a         
principle really the rule of his        
conduct1 and of which ,i afterwards had1
 at my own expense1 but too many        
convincing proofs4 ,it is the interior  
doctrine ,diderot has so frequently     
intimated to me1 but which ,i never     
heard him explain4  ,i remember having  

several years before been frequently    
told that ,grimm was false1 that he had 
nothing more than the appearance of     
sentiment1 and particularly that he did 
not love me4  ,i recollected several    
little anecdotes which ,i had heard of  
him by ,m4 de ,francueil and ,madam de  
,chenonceaux1 neither of whom esteemed  
him1 and to whom he must have been      
known1 as ,madam de ,chenonceaux was    
daughter to ,madam de ,rochechouart1 the
 intimate friend of the late ,comte de  
,friese1 and that ,m4 de ,francueil1 at 
that time very intimate with the        
,viscount de ,polignac1 had lived a good
 deal at the ,palais ,royal precisely   
when ,grimm began to introduce himself  
there4  ,all ,paris heard of his despair
 after the death of the ,comte de       
,friese4  ,it was necessary to support  
the reputation he had acquired after the
 rigors of ,mademoiselle ,fel1 and of   
which ,i1 more than any other person1   
should have seen the imposture1 had ,i  
been less blind4  ,he was obliged to be 

dragged to the ,hotel de ,castries where
 he worthily played his part1 abandoned 
to the most mortal affliction4 ,there1  
he every morning went into the garden to
 weep at his ease1 holding before his   
eyes his handkerchief moistened with    
tears1 as long as he was in sight of the
 hotel1 but at the turning of a certain 
alley1 people1 of whom he little        
thought1 saw him instantly put his      
handkerchief in his pocket and take out 
of it a book4  ,this observation1 which 
was repeatedly made1 soon became public 
in ,paris1 and was almost as soon       
forgotten4 ,i myself had forgotten it2 a
 circumstance in which ,i was concerned 
brought it to my recollection4  ,i was  
at the point of death in my bed1 in the 
,rue de ,grenelle1 ,grimm was in the    
country2 he came one morning1 quite out 
of breath1 to see me1 saying1 he had    
arrived in town that very instant2 and a
 moment afterwards ,i learned he had    
arrived the evening before1 and had been
 seen at the theatre4  ,i heard many    

things of the same kind2 but an         
observation1 which ,i was surprised not 
to have made sooner1 struck me more than
 anything else4 ,i had given to ,grimm  
all my friends without exception1 they  
were become his4  ,i was so inseparable 
from him1 that ,i should have had some  
difficulty in continuing to visit at a  
house where he was not received4 ,madam 
de ,crequi was the only person who      
refused to admit him into her company1  
and whom for that reason ,i have seldom 
since seen4  ,grimm on his part made    
himself other friends1 as well by his   
own means1 as by those of the ,comte de 
,friese4  ,of all these not one of them 
ever became my friend3 he never said a  
word to induce me even to become        
acquainted with them1 and not one of    
those ,i sometimes met at his apartments
 ever showed me the least good will2 the
 ,comte de ,friese1 in whose house he   
lived1 and with whom it consequently    
would have been agreeable to me to form 
some connection1 not excepted1 nor the  

,comte de ,schomberg1 his relation1 with
 whom ,grimm was still more intimate4   
,add to this1 my own friends1 whom ,i   
made his1 and who were all tenderly     
attached to me before this acquaintance1
 were no longer so the moment it was    
made4  ,he never gave me one of his4  ,i
 gave him all mine1 and these he has    
taken from me4  ,if these be the effects
 of friendship1 what are those of       
enmity8  ,diderot himself told me       
several times at the beginning that     
,grimm in whom ,i had so much           
confidence1 was not my friend4  ,he     
changed his language the moment he was  
no longer so himself4  ,the manner in   
which ,i had disposed of my children    
wanted not the concurrence of any       
person4  ,yet ,i informed some of my    
friends of it1 solely to make it known  
to them1 and that ,i might not in their 
eyes appear better than ,i was4  ,these 
friends were three in number3 ,diderot1 
,grimm1 and ,madam d',epinay4  ,duclos1 
the most worthy of my confidence1 was   

the only real friend whom ,i did not    
inform of it4  ,he nevertheless knew    
what ,i had done4  ,by whom8  ,this ,i  
know not4  ,it is not very probable the 
perfidy came from ,madam d',epinay1 who 
knew that by following her example1 had 
,i been capable of doing it1 ,i had in  
my power the means of a cruel revenge4  
,it remains therefore between ,grimm and
 ,diderot1 then so much united1         
especially against me1 and it is        
probable this crime was common to them  
both4  ,i would lay a wager that        
,duclos1 to whom ,i never told my       
secret1 and who consequently was at     
liberty to make what use he pleased of  
his information1 is the only person who 
has not spoken of it again4  ,grimm and 
,diderot1 in their project to take from 
me the governesses1 had used the        
greatest efforts to make ,duclos enter  
into their views2 but this he refused to
 do with disdain4  ,it was not until    
sometime afterwards that ,i learned from
 him what had passed between them on the

 subject2 but ,i learned at the time    
from ,theresa enough to perceive there  
was some secret design1 and that they   
wished to dispose of me1 if not against 
my own consent1 at least without my     
knowledge1 or had an intention of making
 these two persons serve as instruments 
of some project they had in view4 ,this 
was far from upright conduct4  ,the     
opposition of ,duclos is a convincing   
proof of it4  ,they who think proper may
 believe it to be friendship4  ,this    
pretended friendship was as fatal to me 
at home as it was abroad4 ,the long and 
frequent conversations with ,madam le   
,vasseur1 for1 several years past1 had  
made a sensible change in this woman's  
behavior to me1 and the change was far  
from being in my favor4  ,what was the  
subject of these singular conversations8
  ,why such a profound mystery8  ,was   
the conversation of that old woman      
agreeable enough to take her into favor1
 and of sufficient importance to make of
 it so great a secret8  ,during the two 

or three years these colloquies had1    
from time to time1 been continued1 they 
had appeared to me ridiculous2 but when 
,i thought of them again1 they began to 
astonish me4  ,this astonishment would  
have been carried to inquietude had ,i  
then known what the old creature was    
preparing for me4  ,notwithstanding the 
pretended zeal for my welfare of which  
,grimm made such a public boast1        
difficult to reconcile with the airs he 
gave himself when we were together1 ,i  
heard nothing of him from any quarter   
the least to my advantage1 and his      
feigned commiseration tended less to do 
me service than to render me            
contemptible4  ,he deprived me as much  
as he possibly could of the resource ,i 
found in the employment ,i had chosen1  
by decrying me as a bad copyist4  ,i    
confess he spoke the truth2 but in this 
case it was not for him to do it4  ,he  
proved himself in earnest by employing  
another copyist1 and prevailing upon    
everybody he could1 by whom ,i was      

engaged1 to do the same4  ,his intention
 might have been supposed to be that of 
reducing me to a dependence upon him and
 his credit for a subsistence1 and to   
cut off the latter until ,i was brought 
to that degree of distress4  ,all things
 considered1 my reason imposed silence  
upon my former prejudice1 which still   
pleaded in his favor4  ,i judged his    
character to be at least suspicious1 and
 with respect to his friendship ,i      
positively decided it to be false4  ,i  
then resolved to see him no more1 and   
informed ,madam d',epinay of the        
resolution ,i had taken1 supporting1 it 
with several unanswerable facts1 but    
which ,i have now forgotten4  ,she      
strongly combated my resolution without 
knowing how to reply to the reasons on  
which it was founded4  ,she had not     
concerted with him2 but the next day1   
instead of explaining herself verbally1 
she1 with great address1 gave me a      
letter they had drawn up together1 and  
by which1 without entering into a detail

 of facts1 she justified him by his     
concentrated character1 attributed to me
 as a crime my having suspected him of  
perfidy towards his friend1 and exhorted
 me to come to an accommodation with    
him4  ,this letter staggered me4  ,in a 
conversation we afterwards had together1
 and in which ,i found her better       
prepared than she had been the first    
time1 ,i suffered myself to be quite    
prevailed upon1 and was inclined to     
believe ,i might have judged            
erroneously4  ,in this case ,i thought  
,i really had done a friend a very      
serious injury1 which it was my duty to 
repair4  ,in short1 as ,i had already   
done several times with ,diderot1 and   
the ,baron d',holbach1 half from        
inclination1 and half from weakness1 ,i 
made all the advances ,i had a right to 
require2 ,i went to ,m4 ,grimm1 like    
another ,george ,dandin1 to make him my 
apologies for the offence he had given  
me2 still in the false persuasion1      
which1 in the course of my life has made

 me guilty of a thousand meannesses to  
my pretended friends1 that there is no  
hatred which may not be disarmed by     
mildness and proper behavior2 whereas1  
on the contrary1 the hatred of the      
wicked becomes still more envenomed by  
the impossibility of finding anything to
 found it upon1 and the sentiment of    
their own injustice is another cause of 
offence against the person who is the   
object of it4 ,i have1 without going    
further than my own history1 a strong   
proof of this maxim in ,grimm1 and in   
,tronchin2 both became my implacable    
enemies from inclination1 pleasure and  
fancy1 without having been able to      
charge me with having done either of    
them the most trifling injury1       ,i 
did not give the surname of ,jongleur   
only to the latter until a      long    
time after his enmity had been declared1
 and the persecutions      he brought   
upon me at ,geneva and elsewhere4  ,i   
soon suppressed the      name the moment
 ,i perceived ,i was entirely his       

victim4  ,mean      vengeance is        
unworthy of my heart1 and hatred never  
takes the least      root in it4  and   
whose rage1 like that of tigers1 becomes
 daily more fierce by the facility of   
satiating it4  ,i expected that ,grimm1 
confused by my condescension and        
advances1 would receive me with open    
arms1 and the most tender friendship4   
,he received me as a ,roman ,emperor    
would have done1 and with a haughtiness 
,i never saw in any person but himself4 
,i was by no means prepared for such a  
reception4  ,when1 in the embarrassment 
of the part ,i had to act1 and which was
 so unworthy of me1 ,i had1 in a few    
words and with a timid air1 fulfilled   
the object which had brought me to him2 
before he received me into favor1 he    
pronounced1 with a deal of majesty1 an  
harangue he had prepared1 and which     
contained a long enumeration of his rare
 virtues1 and especially those connected
 with friendship4  ,he laid great stress
 upon a thing which at first struck me a

 great deal3 this was his having always 
preserved the same friends4  ,whilst he 
was yet speaking1 ,i said to myself1 it 
would be cruel for me to be the only    
exception to this rule4 ,he returned to 
the subject so frequently1 and with such
 emphasis1 that ,i thought1 if in this  
he followed nothing but the sentiments  
of his heart1 he would be less struck   
with the maxim1 and that he made of it  
an art useful to his views by procuring 
the means of accomplishing them4  ,until
 then ,i had been in the same situation2
 ,i had preserved all my first friends1 
those even from my tenderest infancy1   
without having lost one of them except  
by death1 and yet ,i had never before   
made the reflection3 it was not a maxim 
,i had prescribed myself4  ,since1      
therefore1 the advantage was common to  
both1 why did he boast of it in         
preference1 if he had not previously    
intended to deprive me of the merit8    
,he afterwards endeavored to humble me  
by proofs of the preference our common  

friends gave to me4 ,with this ,i was as
 well acquainted as himself2 the        
question was1 by what means he had      
obtained it8 whether it was by merit or 
address8 by exalting himself1 or        
endeavoring to abase me8  ,at last1 when
 he had placed between us all the       
distance that he could add to the value 
of the favor he was about to confer1 he 
granted me the kiss of peace1 in a      
slight embrace which resembled the      
accolade which the king gives to newmade
 knights4 ,i was stupefied with         
surprise3 ,i knew not what to say2 not a
 word could ,i utter4  ,the whole scene 
had the appearance of the reprimand a   
preceptor gives to his pupil while he   
graciously spares inflicting the rod4 ,i
 never think of it without perceiving to
 what degree judgments1 founded upon    
appearances to which the vulgar give so 
much weight1 are deceitful1 and how     
frequently audaciousness and pride are  
found in the guilty1 and shame and      
embarrassment in the innocent4  ,we were

 reconciled3 this was a relief to my    
heart1 which every kind of quarrel fills
 with anguish4  ,it will naturally be   
supposed that a like reconciliation     
changed nothing in his manners2 all it  
effected was to deprive me of the right 
of complaining of them4  ,for this      
reason ,i took a resolution to endure   
everything1 and for the future to say   
not a word4  ,so many successive        
vexations overwhelmed me to such a      
degree as to leave me but little power  
over my mind4  ,receiving no answer from
 ,saint ,lambert1 neglected by ,madam   
d',houdetot1 and no longer daring to    
open my heart to any person1 ,i began to
 be afraid that by making friendship my 
idol1 ,i should sacrifice my whole life 
to chimeras4  ,after putting all those  
with whom ,i had been acquainted to the 
test1 there remained but two who had    
preserved my esteem1 and in whom my     
heart could confide3 ,duclos1 of whom   
since my retreat to the ,hermitage ,i   
had lost sight1 and ,saint ,lambert4  ,i

 thought the only means of repairing the
 wrongs ,i had done the latter1 was to  
open myself to him without reserve1 and 
,i resolved to confess to him everything
 by which his mistress should not be    
exposed4 ,i have no doubt but this was  
another snare of my passions to keep me 
nearer to her person2 but ,i should     
certainly have had no reserve with her  
lover1 entirely submitting to his       
direction1 and carrying sincerity as far
 as it was possible to do it4  ,i was   
upon the point of writing to him a      
second letter1 to which ,i was certain  
he would have returned an answer1 when  
,i learned the melancholy cause of his  
silence relative to the first4 ,he had  
been unable to support until the end the
 fatigues of the campaign4 ,madam       
d',epinay informed me he had had an     
attack of the palsy1 and ,madam         
d',houdetot1 ill from affliction1 wrote 
me two or three days after from ,paris1 
that he was going to ,aix-la-,chapelle  
to take the benefit of the waters4  ,i  

will not say this melancholy            
circumstance afflicted me as it did her2
 but ,i am of opinion my grief of heart 
was as painful as her tears4  ,the pain 
of knowing him to be in such a state1   
increased by the fear least inquietude  
should have contributed to occasion it1 
affected me more than anything that had 
yet happened1 and ,i felt most cruelly a
 want of fortitude1 which in my         
estimation was necessary to enable me to
 support so many misfortunes4  ,happily 
this generous friend did not long leave 
me so overwhelmed with affliction2 he   
did not forget me1 notwithstanding his  
attack2 and ,i soon learned from himself
 that ,i had ill judged his sentiments1 
and been too much alarmed for his       
situation4 ,it is now time ,i should    
come to the grand revolution of my      
destiny1 to the catastrophe which has   
divided my life in two parts so         
different from each other1 and1 from a  
very trifling cause1 produced such      
terrible effects4  ,one day1 little     

thinking of what was to happen1 ,madam  
d',epinay sent for me to the ,chevrette4
  ,the moment ,i saw her ,i perceived in
 her eyes and whole countenance an      
appearance of uneasiness1 which struck  
me the more1 as this was not customary1 
nobody knowing better than she did how  
to govern her features and her          
movements4  ,my friend1 said she to me1 
,i am immediately going to set off for  
,geneva2 my breast is in a bad state1   
and my health so deranged that ,i must  
go and consult ,tronchin4 ,i was the    
more astonished at this resolution so   
suddenly taken1 and at the beginning of 
the bad season of the year1 as          
thirty-six hours before she had not1    
when ,i left her1 so much as thought of 
it4  ,i asked her who she would take    
with her4  ,she said her son and ,m4 de 
,linant2 and afterwards carelessly      
added1 ,and you1 dear1 will not you go  
also8  ,as ,i did not think she spoke   
seriously1 knowing that at the season of
 the year ,i was scarcely in a situation

 to go to my chamber1 ,i joked upon the 
utility of the company1 of one sick     
person to another4  ,she herself had not
 seemed to make the proposition         
seriously1 and here the matter dropped4 
,the rest of our conversation ran upon  
the necessary preparations for her      
journey1 about which she immediately    
gave orders1 being determined to set off
 within a fortnight4  ,she lost nothing 
by my refusal1 having prevailed upon her
 husband to accompany her4  ,a few days 
afterwards ,i received from ,diderot the
 note ,i am going to transcribe4  ,this 
note1 simply doubled up1 so that the    
contents were easily read1 was addressed
 to me at ,madam d',epinay's1 and sent  
to ,m4 de ,linant1 tutor to the son1 and
 confidant to the mother4   ,,note      
,,from ,,diderot4  ,i am naturally      
disposed to love you1 and am born to    
give you trouble4  ,i am informed ,madam
 d',epinay is going to ,geneva1 and do  
not hear you are to accompany her4  ,my 
friend1 you are satisfied with ,madam   

d',epinay1 you must go1 with her2 if    
dissatisfied you ought still less to    
hesitate4  ,do you find the weight of   
the obligations you are under to her    
uneasy to you8  ,this is an opportunity 
of discharging a part of them1 and      
relieving your mind4  ,do you ever      
expect another opportunity like the     
present one1 of giving her proofs of    
your gratitude8  ,she is going to a     
country where she will be quite a       
stranger4  ,she is ill1 and will stand  
in need of amusement and dissipation4   
,the winter season too6  ,consider1 my  
friend4 ,your ill state of health may be
 a much greater objection than ,i think 
it is2 but are you now more indisposed  
than you were a month ago1 or than you  
will be at the beginning of spring8     
,will you three months hence be in a    
situation to perform the journey more at
 your ease than at present8 ,for my part
 ,i cannot but observe to you that were 
,i unable to bear the shaking of the    
carriage ,i would take my staff and     

follow her4  ,have you no fears lest    
your conduct should be misinterpreted8  
,you will be suspected of ingratitude or
 of a secret motive4  ,i well know1 that
 let you do as you will you will have in
 your favor the testimony of your       
conscience1 but will this alone be      
sufficient1 and is it permitted to      
neglect to a certain degree that which  
is necessary to acquire the approbation 
of others8  ,what ,i now write1 my good 
friend1 is to acquit myself of what ,i  
think ,i owe to us both4  ,should my    
letter displease you1 throw it into the 
fire and let it be forgotten4  ,i       
salute1 love and embrace you4  ,although
 trembling and almost blind with rage   
whilst ,i read this epistle1 ,i remarked
 the address with which ,diderot        
affected a milder and more polite       
language than he had done in his former 
ones1 wherein he never went further than
 ,my dear1 without ever deigning to add 
the name of friend4  ,i easily          
discovered the secondhand means by which

 the letter was conveyed to me2 the     
subscription1 manner and form awkwardly 
betrayed the manoeuvre2 for we commonly 
wrote to each other by post1 or the     
messenger of ,montmorency1 and this was 
the first and only time he sent me his  
letter by any other conveyance4  ,as    
soon as the first transports of my      
indignation permitted me to write1 ,i1  
with great precipitation1 wrote him the 
following answer1 which ,i immediately  
carried from the ,hermitage1 where ,i   
then was1 to ,chevrette1 to show it to  
,madam d' ,epinay2 to whom1 in my blind 
rage1 ,i read the contents1 as well as  
the letter from ,diderot4  ,you cannot1 
my dear friend1 either know the         
magnitude of the obligations ,i am under
 to ,madam d',epinay1 to what a degree  
,i am bound by them1 whether or not she 
is desirous of my accompanying her1 that
 this is possible1 or the reasons ,i may
 have for my noncompliance4  ,i have no 
objection to discuss all these points   
with you2 but you will in the meantime  

confess that prescribing to me so       
positively what ,i ought to do1 without 
first enabling yourself to judge of the 
matter1 is1 my dear philosopher1 acting 
very inconsiderately4  ,what is still   
worse1 ,i perceive the opinion you give 
comes not from yourself4  ,besides my   
being but little disposed to suffer     
myself to be led by the nose under your 
name by any third or fourth person1 ,i  
observe in this secondary advice certain
 underhand dealing1 which ill agrees    
with your candor1 and from which you    
will on your account1 as well as mine1  
do well in future to abstain4  ,you are 
afraid my conduct should be             
misinterpreted2 but ,i defy a heart like
 yours to think ill of mine4  ,others   
would perhaps speak better of me if ,i  
resembled them more4  ,god preserve me  
from gaining their approbation6  ,let   
the vile and wicked watch over my       
conduct and misinterpret my actions1    
,rousseau is not a man to be afraid of  
them1 nor is ,diderot to be prevailed   

upon to hearken to what they say4  ,if  
,i am displeased with your letter1 you  
wish me to throw it into the fire1 and  
pay no attention to the contents4  ,do  
you imagine that anything coming from   
you can be forgotten in such a manner8  
,you hold1 my dear friend1 my tears as  
cheap in the pain you give me1 as you do
 my life and health1 in the cares you   
exhort me to take4  ,could you but break
 yourself of this1 your friendship would
 be more pleasing to me1 and ,i should  
be less to be pitied4  ,on entering the 
chamber of ,madam d',epinay ,i found    
,grimm with her1 with which ,i was      
highly delighted4  ,i read to them1 in a
 loud and clear voice1 the two letters1 
with an intrepidity of which ,i should  
not have thought myself capable1 and    
concluded with a few observations not in
 the least derogatory to it4  ,at this  
unexpected audacity in a man generally  
timid1 they were struck dumb with       
surprise2 ,i perceived that arrogant man
 look down upon the ground1 not daring  

to meet my eyes1 which sparkled with    
indignation2 but in the bottom of his   
heart he from that instant resolved upon
 my destruction1 and1 with ,madam d'    
,epinay1 ,i am certain concerted        
measures to that effect before they     
separated4  ,it was much about this time
 that ,i at length received1 by ,madam  
d',houdetot1 the answer from ,saint     
,lambert1 dated from ,wolfenbuttle1 a   
few days after the accident had happened
 to him1 to my letter which had been    
long delayed upon the road4  ,this      
answer gave me the consolation of which 
,i then stood so much in need2 it was   
full of assurance of esteem and         
friendship1 and these gave me strength  
and courage to deserve them4  ,from that
 moment ,i did my duty1 but had ,saint  
,lambert been less reasonable1 generous 
and honest1 ,i was inevitably lost4     
,the season became bad1 and people began
 to quit the country4  ,madam           
d',houdetot informed me of the day on   
which she intended to come and bid adieu

 to the valley1 and gave me a rendezvous
 at ,laubonne4  ,this happened to be the
 same day on which ,madam d',epinay left
 the ,chevrette to go to ,paris for the 
purpose of completing preparations for  
her journey4 ,fortunately she set off in
 the morning1 and ,i had still time to  
go and dine with her sister-in-law4  ,i 
had the letter from ,saint ,lambert in  
my pocket1 and read it over several     
times as ,i walked along1 ,this letter  
served me as a shield against my        
weakness4  ,i made and kept to the      
resolution of seeing nothing in ,madam  
d',houdetot but my friend and the       
mistress of ,saint ,lambert2 and ,i     
passed with her a tete-a-fete of four   
hours in a most delicious calm1         
infinitely preferable1 even with respect
 to enjoyment1 to the paroxysms of a    
burning fever1 which1 always1 until that
 moment1 ,i had had when in her         
presence4  ,as she too well knew my     
heart not to be changed1 she was        
sensible of the efforts ,i made to      

conquer myself1 and esteemed me the more
 for them1 and ,i had the pleasure of   
perceiving that her friendship for me   
was not extinguished4  ,she announced to
 me the approaching return of ,saint    
,lambert1 who1 although well enough     
recovered from his attack1 was unable to
 bear the fatigues of war1 and was      
quitting the service to come and live in
 peace with her4 ,we formed the charming
 project of an intimate connection      
between us three1 and had reason to hope
 it would be lasting1 since it was      
founded on every sentiment by which     
honest and susceptible hearts could be  
united2 and we had moreover amongst us  
all the knowledge and talents necessary 
to be sufficient to ourselves without   
the aid of any foreign supplement4      
,alas6  in abandoning myself to the hope
 of so agreeable a life ,i little       
suspected that which awaited me4  ,we   
afterwards spoke of my situation with   
,madam d',epinay4  ,i showed her the    
letter from ,diderot1 with my answer to 

it2 ,i related to her everything that   
had passed upon the subject1 and        
declared to her my resolution of        
quitting the ,hermitage4  ,this she     
vehemently opposed1 and by reasons all  
powerful over my heart4 ,she expressed  
to me how much she could have wished ,i 
had been of the party to ,geneva1       
foreseeing she should inevitably be     
considered as having caused the refusal1
 which the letter of ,diderot seemed    
previously to announce4  ,however1 as   
she was acquainted with my reasons1 she 
did not insist upon this point1 but     
conjured me to avoid coming to an open  
rupture let it cost me what             
mortification it would1 and to palliate 
my refusal by reasons sufficiently      
plausible to put away all unjust        
suspicions of her having been the cause 
of it4  ,i told her the task she imposed
 on me was not easy2 but that1 resolved 
to expiate my faults at the expense of  
my reputation1 ,i would give the        
preference to hers in everything that   

honor permitted me to suffer4  ,it will 
soon be seen whether or not ,i fulfilled
 this engagement4  ,my passion was so   
far from having lost any part of its    
force that ,i never in my life loved my 
,sophia so ardently and tenderly as on  
that day1 but such was the impression   
made upon me by the letter of ,saint    
,lambert1 the sentiment of my duty and  
the horror in which ,i held perfidy1    
that during the whole time of the       
interview my senses left me in peace1   
and ,i was not so much as tempted to    
kiss her hand4  ,at parting she embraced
 me before her servants4  ,this embrace1
 so different from those ,i had         
sometimes stolen from her under the     
foliage1 proved ,i was become master of 
myself2 and ,i am certain that had my   
mind1 undisturbed1 had time to acquire  
more firmness1 three months would have  
cured me radically4  ,here ends my      
personal connections with ,madam        
d',houdetot2 connections of which each  
has been able to judge by appearance    

according to the disposition of his own 
heart1 but in which the passion inspired
 me by that amiable woman1 the most     
lively passion1 perhaps1 man ever felt1 
will be honorable in our own eyes by the
 rare and painful sacrifice we both made
 to duty1 honor1 love1 and friendship4  
,we each had too high an opinion of the 
other easily to suffer ourselves to do  
anything derogatory to our dignity4  ,we
 must have been unworthy of all esteem  
had we not set a proper value upon one  
like this1 and the energy of my         
sentiments which have rendered us       
culpable1 was that which prevented us   
from becoming so4  ,thus after a long   
friendship for one of these women1 and  
the strongest affection for the other1  
,i bade them both adieu the same day1 to
 one never to see her more1 to the other
 to see her again twice1 upon occasions 
of which ,i shall hereafter speak4      
,after their departure1 ,i found myself 
much embarrassed to fulfill so many     
pressing and contradictory duties1 the  

consequences of my imprudence2 had ,i   
been in my natural situation1 after the 
proposition and refusal of the journey  
to ,geneva1 ,i had only to remain quiet1
 and everything was as it should be4    
,but ,i had foolishly made of it an     
affair which could not remain in the    
state it was1 and an explanation was    
absolutely necessary1 unless ,i quitted 
the ,hermitage1 which ,i had just       
promised ,madam d',houdetot not to do1  
at least for the present4  ,moreover she
 had required me to make known the      
reasons for my refusal to my pretended  
friends1 that it might not be imputed to
 her4  ,yet ,i could not state the true 
reason without doing an outrage to      
,madam d',epinay1 who certainly had a   
right to my gratitude for what she had  
done for me4  ,everything well          
considered1 ,i found myself reduced to  
the severe but indispensable necessity  
of failing in respect1 either to ,madam 
d',upinay1 ,madam d',houdetot or to     
myself2 and it was the last ,i resolved 

to make my victim4  ,this ,i did without
 hesitation1 openly and fully1 and with 
so much generosity as to make the act   
worthy of expiating the faults which had
 reduced me to such an extremity4  ,this
 sacrifice1 taken advantage of by my    
enemies1 and which they1 perhaps1 did   
not expect1 has ruined my reputation1   
and by their assiduity1 deprived me of  
the esteem of the public2 but it has    
restored to me my own1 and given me     
consolation in my misfortune4  ,this1 as
 it will hereafter appear1 is not the   
last time ,i made such a sacrifice1 nor 
that advantages were taken of it to do  
me an injury4  ,grimm was the only      
person who appeared to have taken no    
part in the affair1 and it was to him ,i
 determined to address myself4  ,i wrote
 him a long letter1 in which ,i set     
forth the ridiculousness of considering 
it as my duty to accompany ,madam d'    
,epinay to ,geneva1 the inutility of the
 measure1 and the embarrassment even it 
would have caused her1 besides the      

inconvenience to myself4  ,i could not  
resist the temptation of letting him    
perceive in this letter how fully ,i was
 informed in what manner things were    
arranged1 and that to me it appeared    
singular ,i should be expected to       
undertake the journey whilst he himself 
dispensed with it1 and that his name was
 never mentioned4  ,this letter1        
wherein1 on account of my not being able
 clearly to state my reasons1 ,i was    
often obliged to wander from the text1  
would have rendered me culpable in the  
eyes of the public1 but it was a model  
of reservedness and discretion for the  
people who1 like ,grimm1 were fully     
acquainted with the things ,i forbore to
 mention1 and which justified my        
conduct4  ,i did not even hesitate to   
raise another prejudice against myself  
in attributing the advice of ,diderot1  
to my other friends4  ,this ,i did to   
insinuate that ,madam d',houdetot had   
been in the same opinion as she really  
was1 and in not mentioning that1 upon   

the reasons ,i gave her1 she thought    
differently1 ,i could not better remove 
the suspicion of her having connived at 
my proceedings than appearing           
dissatisfied with her behavior4  ,this  
letter was concluded by an act of       
confidence which would have had an      
effect upon any other man2 for1 in      
desiring ,grimm to weigh my reasons and 
afterwards to give me his opinion1 ,i   
informed him that1 let this be what it  
would1 ,i should act accordingly1 and   
such was my intention had he even       
thought ,i ought to set off2 for ,m4    
d',epinay having appointed himself the  
conductor of his wife1 my going with    
them would then have had a different    
appearance2 whereas it was ,i who1 in   
the first place1 was asked to take upon 
me that employment1 and he was out of   
the question until after my refusal4    
,the answer from ,grimm was slow        
incoming2 it was singular enough1 on    
which account ,i will here transcribe   
it4  ,the departure of ,madam d',epinay 

is postponed2 her son is ill1 and it is 
necessary to wait until his health is   
re-established4  ,i will consider the   
contents of your letter4  ,remain quiet 
at your ,hermitage4  ,i will send you my
 opinion as soon as this shall be       
necessary4  ,as she will certainly not  
set off for some days1 there is no      
immediate occasion for it4  ,in the     
meantime you may1 if you think proper1  
make her your offers1 although this to  
me seems a matter of indifference4      
,for1 knowing your situation as well as 
you do yourself1 ,i doubt not of her    
returning to your offer such an answer  
as she ought to do2 and all the         
advantage which1 in my opinion1 can     
result from this1 will be your having it
 in your power to say to those by whom  
you may be importuned1 that your not    
being of the travelling party was not   
for want of having made your offers to  
that effect4  ,moreover1 ,i do not see  
why you will absolutely have it that the
 philosopher is the speaking-trumpet of 

all the world1 nor because he is of     
opinion you ought to go1 why you should 
imagine all your friends think as he    
does8  ,if you write to ,madam          
d',epinay1 her answer will be yours to  
all your friends1 since you have it so  
much at heart to give them all an       
answer4  ,adieu4  ,i embrace ,madam le  
,vasseur and the ,criminal4       ,m4 le
 ,vasseur1 whose wife governed him      
rather rudely1 called her      the      
,lieutenant ,criminal4  ,grimm in a joke
 gave the same name to the              
daughter1 and by way of abridgment was  
pleased to retrench the first      word4
  ,struck with astonishment at reading  
this letter ,i vainly endeavored to find
 out what it meant4  ,how6  instead of  
answering me with simplicity1 he took   
time to consider of what ,i had written1
 as if the time he had already taken was
 not sufficient6  ,he intimates even the
 state of suspense in which he wishes to
 keep me1 as if a profound problem was  
to be resolved1 or that it was of       

importance to his views to deprive me of
 every means of comprehending his       
intentions until the moment he should   
think proper to make them known4  ,what 
therefore did he mean by these          
precautions1 delays1 and mysteries8     
,was this manner of acting consistent   
with honor and uprightness8  ,i vainly  
sought for some favorable interpretation
 of his conduct2 it was impossible to   
find one4  ,whatever his design might   
be1 were this inimical to me1 his       
situation facilitated the execution of  
it without its being possible for me in 
mine to oppose the least obstacle4  ,in 
favor in the house of a great prince1   
having an extensive acquaintance1 and   
giving the tone to common circles of    
which he was the oracle1 he had it in   
his power1 with his usual address1 to   
dispose everything in his favor2 and ,i1
 alone in my ,hermitage1 far removed    
from all society1 without the benefit of
 advice1 and having no communication    
with the world1 had nothing to do but to

 remain in peace4 ,all ,i did was to    
write to ,madam d',epinay upon the      
illness of her son1 as polite a letter  
as could be written1 but in which ,i did
 not fall into the snare of offering to 
accompany her to ,geneva4  ,after       
waiting for a long time in the most     
cruel uncertainty1 into which that      
barbarous man had plunged me1 ,i        
learned1 at the expiration of eight or  
ten days1 that ,madam d',epinay was     
setoff1 and received from him a second  
letter4  ,it contained not more than    
seven or eight lines which ,i did not   
entirely read4  ,it was a rupture1 but  
in such terms as the most infernal      
hatred only can dictate1 and these      
became unmeaning by the excessive degree
 of acrimony with which he wished to    
charge them4  ,he forbade me his        
presence as he would have forbidden me  
his states4  ,all that was wanting to   
his letter to make it laughable1 was to 
be read over with coolness4  ,without   
taking a copy of it1 or reading the     

whole of the contents1 ,i returned it   
him immediately1 accompanied by the     
following note3  ,i refused to admit the
 force of the just reasons ,i had of    
suspicion3 ,i now1 when it is too late1 
am become sufficiently acquainted with  
your character4  ,this then is the      
letter upon which you took time to      
meditate3 ,i return it to you1 it is not
 for me4  ,you may show mine to the     
whole world and hate me openly2 this on 
your part will be a falsehood the less4 
,my telling he might show my preceding  
letter related to an article in his by  
which his profound address throughout   
the whole affair will be judged of4  ,i 
have observed that my letter might      
inculpate me in the eyes of persons     
unacquainted with the particulars of    
what had passed4  ,this he was delighted
 to discover2 but how was he to take    
advantage of it without exposing        
himself8  ,by showing the letter he ran 
the risk of being reproached with       
abusing the confidence of his friend4   

,to relieve himself from this           
embarrassment he resolved to break with 
me in the most violent manner possible1 
and to set forth in his letter the favor
 he did me in not showing mine4  ,he was
 certain that in my indignation and     
anger ,i should refuse his feigned      
discretion1 and permit him to show my   
letter to everybody2 this was what he   
wished for1 and everything turned out as
 he expected it would4  ,he sent my     
letter all over ,paris1 with his own    
commentaries upon it1 which1 however1   
were not so successful as he had        
expected them to be4  ,it was not judged
 that the permission he had extorted to 
make my letter public exempted him from 
the blame of having so lightly taken me 
at my word to do me an injury4 ,people  
continually asked what personal         
complaints he had against me to         
authorize so violent a hatred4          
,finally1 it was thought that if even my
 behavior had been such as to authorize 
him to break with me1 friendship1       

although extinguished1 had rights which 
he ought to have respected4  ,but       
unfortunately the inhabitants of ,paris 
are frivolous2 remarks of the moment are
 soon forgotten2 the absent and         
unfortunate are neglected2 the man who  
prospers secures favor by his presence2 
the intriguing and malicious support    
each other1 renew their vile efforts1   
and the effects of these1 incessantly   
succeeding each other1 efface everything
 by which they were preceded4  ,thus1   
after having so long deceived me1 this  
man threw aside his mask2 convinced     
that1 in the state to which he had      
brought things1 he no longer stood in   
need of it4  ,relieved from the fear of 
being unjust towards the wretch1 ,i left
 him to his reflections1 and thought no 
more of him4  ,a week afterwards ,i     
received an answer from ,madam          
d',epinay1 dated from ,geneva4  ,i      
understood from the manner of her       
letter1 in which for the first time in  
her life1 she put on airs of state with 

me1 that both depending but little upon 
the success of their measures1 and      
considering me a man inevitably lost1   
their intentions were to give themselves
 the pleasure of completing my          
destruction4  ,in fact1 my situation was
 deplorable4  ,i perceived all my       
friends withdrew themselves from me     
without knowing how or for why4         
,diderot1 who boasted of the            
continuation of his attachment1 and who1
 for three months past1 had promised me 
a visit1 did not come4  ,the winter     
began to make its appearance1 and       
brought with it my habitual disorders4  
,my constitution1 although vigorous1 had
 been unequal to the combat of so many  
opposite passions4  ,i was so exhausted 
that ,i had neither strength nor courage
 sufficient to resist the most trifling 
indisposition4  ,had my engagements2 and
 the continued remonstrances of ,diderot
 and ,madam de ,houdetot then permitted 
me to quit the ,hermitage1 ,i knew not  
where to go1 nor in what manner to drag 

myself along4  ,i remained stupid and   
immovable4  ,the idea alone of a step to
 take1 a letter to write1 or a word to  
say1 made me tremble4  ,i could not     
however do otherwise than reply to the  
letter of ,madam d',epinay without      
acknowledging myself to be worthy of the
 treatment with which she and her friend
 overwhelmed me4  ,i determined upon    
notifying to her my sentiments and      
resolutions1 not doubting a moment that 
from humanity1 generosity1 propriety1   
and the good manner of thinking1 ,i     
imagined ,i had observed in her1        
notwithstanding her bad one1 she would  
immediately subscribe to them4  ,my     
letter was as follows3                  
,,hermitage #bc;d ,,nov41 #ageg4  ,were 
it possible to die of grief ,i should   
not now be alive4  ,but ,i have at      
length determined to triumph over       
everything4  ,friendship1 madam1 is     
extinguished between us1 but that which 
no longer exists still has its rights1  
and ,i respect them4  ,i have not       

forgotten your goodness to me1 and you  
may1 on my part1 expect as much         
gratitude as it is possible to have     
towards a person ,i no longer can love4 
,all further explanation would be       
useless4  ,i have in my favor my own    
conscience1 and ,i return you your      
letter4  ,i wished to quit the          
,hermitage1 and ,i ought to have done   
it4  ,my friends pretend ,i must stay   
there until spring2 and since my friends
 desire it ,i will remain there until   
that season if you will consent to my   
stay4  ,after writing and despatching   
this letter all ,i thought of was       
remaining quiet at the ,hermitage and   
taking care of my health2 of endeavoring
 to recover my strength1 and taking     
measures to remove in the spring without
 noise or making the rupture public4    
,but these were not the intentions      
either of ,grimm or ,madam d',epinay1 as
 it will presently appear4  ,a few days 
afterwards1 ,i had the pleasure of      
receiving from ,diderot the visit he had

 so frequently promised1 and in which he
 had as constantly failed4  ,he could   
not have come more opportunely2 he was  
my oldest friend3 almost the only one   
who remained to me2 the pleasure ,i felt
 in seeing him1 as things were          
circumstanced1 may easily be imagined4  
,my heart was full1 and ,i disclosed it 
to him4  ,i explained to him several    
facts which either had not come to his  
knowledge1 or had been disguised or     
suppressed4  ,i informed him1 as far as 
,i could do it with propriety1 of all   
that had passed4  ,i did not affect to  
conceal from him that with which he was 
but too well acquainted1 that a passion 
equally unreasonable and unfortunate1   
had been the cause of my destruction2   
but ,i never acknowledged that ,madam   
d',houdetot had been made acquainted    
with it1 or at least that ,i had        
declared it to her4  ,i mentioned to him
 the unworthy manoeuvres of ,madam d'   
,epinay to intercept the innocent       
letters her sister-in-law wrote to me4  

,i was determined he should hear the    
particulars from the mouth of the       
persons whom she had attempted to       
seduce4  ,theresa related them with     
great precision2 but what was my        
astonishment when the mother came to    
speak1 and ,i heard her declare and     
maintain that nothing of this had come  
to her knowledge8  ,these were her words
 from which she would never depart4     
,not four days before she herself had   
recited to me all the particulars       
,theresa had just stated1 and in        
presence of my friend she contradicted  
me to my face4  ,this1 to me1 was       
decisive1 and ,i then clearly saw my    
imprudence in having so long a time kept
 such a woman near me4  ,i made no use  
of invective2 ,i scarcely deigned to    
speak to her a few words of contempt4   
,i felt what ,i owed to the daughter1   
whose steadfast uprightness was a       
perfect contrast to the base monoeuvres 
of the mother4  ,but from the instant my
 resolution was taken relative to the   

old woman1 and ,i waited for nothing but
 the moment to put it into execution4   
,this presented itself sooner than ,i   
expected4  ,on the #ajth of ,december ,i
 received from ,madam d',epinay the     
following answer to my preceding letter3
                                        
,,geneva1 #ast ,december1 #ageg4  ,after
 having for several years given you     
every possible mark of friendship all ,i
 can now do is to pity you4  ,you are   
very unhappy4  ,i wish your conscience  
may be as calm as mine4  ,this may be   
necessary to the repose of your whole   
life4  ,since you are determined to quit
 the ,hermitage1 and are persuaded that 
you ought to do it1 ,i am astonished    
your friends have prevailed upon you to 
stay there4  ,for my part ,i never      
consult mine upon my duty1 and ,i have  
nothing further to say to you upon your 
own4  ,such an unforeseen dismission1   
and so fully pronounced1 left me not a  
moment to hesitate4  ,it was necessary  
to quit immediately1 let the weather and

 my health be in what state they might1 
although ,i were to sleep in the woods  
and upon the snow1 with which the ground
 was then covered1 and in defiance of   
everything ,madam d',houdetot might say2
 for ,i was willing to do everything to 
please her except render myself         
infamous4  ,i never had been so         
embarrassed in my whole life as ,i then 
was2 but my resolution was taken4  ,i   
swore1 let what would happen1 not to    
sleep at the ,hermitage on the night of 
that day week4  ,i began to prepare for 
sending away my effects1 resolving to   
leave them in the open field rather than
 not give up the key in the course of   
the week3 for ,i was determined         
everything should be done before a      
letter could be written to ,geneva1 and 
an answer to it received4  ,i never felt
 myself so inspired with courage3 ,i had
 recovered all my strength4  ,honor and 
indignation1 upon which ,madam d',epinay
 had not calculated1 contributed to     
restore me to vigor4  ,fortune aided my 

audacity4  ,m4 ,mathas1 fiscal procurer1
 heard of my embarrasament4  ,he sent to
 offer me a little house he had in his  
garden of ,mont ,louis1 at ,montmorency4
  ,i accepted it with eagerness and     
gratitude4  ,the bargain was soon       
concluded3 ,i immediately sent to       
purchase a little furniture to add to   
that we already had4  ,my effects ,i had
 carted away with a deal of trouble1 and
 a great expense3 notwithstanding the   
ice and snow my removal was completed in
 a couple of days1 and on the fifteenth 
of ,december ,i gave up the keys of the 
,hermitage1 after having paid the wages 
of the gardener1 not being able to pay  
my rent4  ,with respect to ,madam le    
,vasseur1 ,i told her we must part2 her 
daughter attempted to make me renounce  
my resolution1 but ,i was inflexible4 ,i
 sent her off1 to ,paris in a carriage  
of the messenger with all the furniture 
and effects she and her daughter had in 
common4  ,i gave her some money1 and    
engaged to pay her lodging with her     

children1 or elsewhere to provide for   
her subsistence as much as it should be 
possible for me to do it1 and never to  
let her want bread as long as ,i should 
have it myself4  ,finally the day after 
my arrival at ,mont ,louis1 ,i wrote to 
,madam d',epinay the following letter3  
,,montmorency1 #agth ,december #ageg4   
,nothing1 madam1 is so natural and      
necessary as to leave your house the    
moment you no longer approve of my      
remaining there4  ,upon you refusing    
your consent to my passing the rest of  
the winter at the ,hermitage ,i quitted 
it on the fifteenth of ,december4  ,my  
destiny was to enter it in spite of     
myself and to leave it the same4  ,i    
thank you for the residence you         
prevailed upon me to make there1 and ,i 
would thank you still more had ,i paid  
for it less dear4  ,you are right in    
believing me unhappy2 nobody upon earth 
knows better than yourself to what a    
degree ,i must be so4  ,if being        
deceived in the choice of our friends be

 a misfortune1 it is another not less   
cruel to recover from so pleasing an    
error4  ,such is the faithful narrative 
of my residence at the ,hermitage1 and  
of the reasons which obliged me to leave
 it4  ,i could not break off the        
recital1 it was necessary to continue it
 with the greatest exactness2 this epoch
 of my life having had upon the rest of 
it an influence which will extend to my 
latest remembrance4