,,! ,,confessions ,,( ,,jean ,,jacques ,,r\sseau 7,9 #ab books7 ,privately ,pr9t$ = ! ,memb]s ( ! ,aldus ,society ,london1 #aijc ,,book ,,vi4 ,hoc erat 9 votis3 ,modus agri non ila magnus ,hortus ubi1 et leclo vic9us aqua fons2 ,et paululum sylvae sup]his =el4 ,i _c add1 'auctius acque di melius fec]e'2 b no matt]1 ! =m] is en\gh = my purpose2 ,i _h no occasion to h any prop]ty !re1 x 0 suffici5t t ,i enjoy$ x2 = ,i h long s9ce bo? said & felt1 t ! proprietor & possessor are two v diff]5t p1 ev5 leav+ husb&s & lov]s out ( ! "q4 ,at ?is mom5t began ! %ort happ9ess ( my life1 ^? peaceful & rapid mom5ts1 :i* h giv5 me a "r to say1 ,i h liv$4 ,preci\s & ev]--regrett$ mom5ts6 ,ah6 recomm5ce y\r delightful c\rse2 pass m sl[ly ?r\gh my memory1 if possible1 ?an y actually did 9 y\r fugitive succession4 ,h[ %all ,i prolong1 accord+ to my incl9ation1 ?is recital at once s pleas+ & simple8 ,h[ %all ,i cont9ue to relate ! same occurr5ces1 )\t we>y+ my read]s ) ! repetition1 any m ?an ,i 0 satiat$ ) ! enjoym5t8 ,aga91 if all ?is consi/$ ( facts1 actions1 or words1 ,i c\ld someh[ or o!r convey an idea ( x2 b h[ %all ,i describe :at 0 nei!r said nor done1 nor ev5 ?\ght1 b enjoy$1 felt1 )\t be+ able to p>ticul>ize any o!r object ( my happ9ess ?an ! b>e idea8 ,i rose ) ! sun1 & 0 happy2 ,i walk$1 & 0 happy2 ,i saw ,madam de ,w>r5s1 & 0 happy2 ,i quitt$ h]1 & /ill 0 happy6--,:e!r ,i rambl$ ?r\gh ! woods1 ov] ! hills1 or /roll$ along ! valley2 read1 0 idle1 work$ 9 ! g>d51 or ga!r$ fruits1 happ9ess cont9ually accompani$ me2 x 0 fix$ on no p>ticul> object1 x 0 )9 me1 nor c\ld ,i dep>t f x a s+le mom5t4 ,no?+ t pass$ dur+ t *>m+ epo*a1 no?+ t ,i did1 said1 or ?\ght1 has escap$ my memory4 ,! "t t prec$$ or foll[$ x1 ,i only recollect by int]vals1 unequally & confus$2 b "h ,i rememb] all z di/9ctly z if x exi/$ at ?is mom5t4 ,imag9ation1 :i* 9 my y\? 0 p]petually anticipat+ ! future1 b n[ takes a retrograde c\rse1 makes "s am5ds by ^! *>m+ recollections = ! deprivation ( hope1 :i* ,i h lo/ =ev]4 ,i no long] see any?+ 9 ! future t c tempt my wi%es1 x is a recollection ( ! pa/ alone t c flatt] me1 & ! remembrance ( ! p]iod ,i am n[ describ+ is s true & lively1 t x sometimes makes me happy1 ev5 9 spite ( my mis=tunes4 ,( ^! recollections ,i %all relate "o example1 :i* may give "s idea ( _! =ce & precision4 ,! fir/ day we w5t to sleep at ,*>mettes1 ! way be+ up-hill1 & ,madam de ,w>r5s r heavy1 %e 0 c>ri$ 9 a *air1 :ile ,i foll[$ on foot4 ,fe>+ ! *airm5 w\ld be fatigu$1 %e got out ab\t half-way1 design+ to walk ! re/ ( x4 ,z we pass$ along1 %e saw some?+ blue 9 ! h$ge1 & said1 ,!re's "s p]iw9kle 9 fl[] yet6 ,i _h nev] se5 any be=e1 nor did ,i /op to exam9e ?is3 my sight is too %ort to di/+ui% plants on ! gr\nd1 & ,i only ca/ a look at ?is z ,i pass$3 an int]val ( ne> ?irty ye>s _h elaps$ be=e ,i saw any m p]iw9kle1 at lea/ be=e ,i obs]v$ x1 :5 be+ at ,cressi] 9 #agfd1 ) my fri5d1 ,m4 du ,peyr\1 we w5t up a small m\nta91 on ! summit ( :i* !re is a level spot1 call$1 ) reason1 ',belle--vue'1 ,i 0 !n beg9n+ to h]balize2--walk+ & look+ among ! bu%es1 ,i exclaim$ ) rapture1 ,ah1 !re's "s p]iw9kle6 ,du ,peyr\1 :o p]ceiv$ my transport1 0 ignorant ( ! cause1 b w "s day be in=m$3 ,i hope1 on read+ ?is4 ,! read] may judge by ?is impression1 made by s small an incid5t1 :at an effect mu/ h be5 produc$ by e occurr5ce ( t "t4 ,meantime1 ! air ( ! c\ntry did n re/ore my heal?2 ,i 0 langui%+ & became m s2 ,i c\ld n endure milk1 & 0 oblig$ to discont9ue ! use ( x4 ,wat] 0 at ?is "t ! fa%ionable rem$y = e compla9t2 accord+ly ,i ent]$ on a c\rse ( x1 & s indiscreetly1 t x almo/ releas$ me1 n only f my illness b also f my life4 ,! wat] ,i drank 0 r h>d & difficult to pass1 z wat] f m\nta9s g5]ally is2 9 %ort1 ,i manag$ s well1 t 9 ! c\rse ( two mon?s ,i totally ru9$ my /oma*1 :i* until t "t _h be5 v good1 & no long] dige/+ any?+ prop]ly1 _h no reason to expect a cure4 ,at ?is "t an accid5t happ5$1 z s+ul> 9 itself z 9 its subsequ5t consequ5ces1 :i* c only t]m9ate ) my exi/5ce4 ,"o morn+1 be+ no worse ?an usual1 :ile putt+ up ! leaf ( a small table1 ,i felt a sudd5 & almo/ inconceivable revolution ?r\gh\t my :ole frame4 ,i "k n h[ to describe x bett] ?an z a k9d ( tempe/1 :i* sudd5ly rose 9 my blood1 & spread 9 a mom5t ov] e "p ( my body4 ,my art]ies began beat+ s viol5tly t ,i n only felt _! motion1 b ev5 he>d x1 p>ticul>ly t ( ! c>otids1 att5d$ by a l\d noise 9 my e>s1 :i* 0 ( ?ree1 or r f\r1 di/9ct k9ds4 ,= in/ance1 fir/ a grave holl[ buzz+2 !n a m di/9ct murmur1 l ! runn+ ( wat]2 !n an extremely %>p hiss+1 att5d$ by ! beat+ ,i be=e m5tion$1 & ^: ?robs ,i c\ld easily c\nt1 )\t feel+ my pulse1 or putt+ a h& to any "p ( my body4 ,?is int]nal tumult 0 s viol5t t x has injur$ my auricul> organs1 & r5d]$ me1 f t "t1 n entirely deaf1 b h>d ( he>+4 ,my surprise & fe> may easily be conceiv$2 imag9+ x 0 ! /roke ( dea?1 ,i w5t to b$1 & ! physician be+ s5t =1 trembl+ ) appreh5sion1 ,i relat$ my case2 judg+ x pa/ all cure4 ,i believe ! doctor 0 ( ! same op9ion2 h[ev] he p]=m$ 8 (fice1 runn+ ov] a long /r+ ( causes & effects beyond my compreh5sion1 aft] :i*1 9 consequ5ce ( ?is sublime !ory1 he set ab\t1 '9 anima vili'1 ! exp]im5tal "p ( 8 art1 b ! means he 0 pleas$ to adopt 9 ord] to effect a cure 7 s tr\blesome1 disgu/+1 & foll[$ by s little effect1 t ,i soon discont9u$ x1 & aft] "s weeks1 f9d+ ,i 0 nei!r bett] nor worse1 left my b$1 & return$ to my usual me?od ( liv+2 b ! beat+ ( my art]ies & ! buzz+ 9 my e>s has nev] quitt$ me a mom5t dur+ ! ?irty ye>s' "t :i* has elaps$ s9ce t "t4 ,till n[1 ,i _h be5 a great sleep]1 b a total privation ( repose1 ) o!r al>m+ symptoms :i* h accompani$ x1 ev5 to ?is "t1 p]suad$ me ,i _h b a %ort "t to live4 ,?is idea tranquilliz$ me = a "t3 ,i became less anxi\s ab\t a cure1 & be+ p]suad$ ,i c\ld n prolong life1 det]m9$ to employ ! rema9d] ( x z usefully z possible4 ,?is 0 practicable by a p>ticul> indulg5ce ( ,nature1 :i*1 9 ?is melan*oly /ate1 exempt$ me f suff]+s :i* x might h be5 suppos$ ,i %\ld h exp]i5c$4 ,i 0 incommod$ by ! noise1 b felt no pa91 nor 0 x accompani$ by any habitual inconv5i5ce1 except nocturnal wakefulness1 & at all times a %ortness ( brea?1 :i* is n viol5t en\gh to be call$ an a/hma1 b 0 tr\blesome :5 ,i attempt$ to run1 or use any degree ( ex]tion4 ,?is accid5t1 :i* seem$ to ?reat5 ! dissolution ( my body1 only kill$ my passions1 & ,i h reason to ?ank ,heav5 = ! happy effect produc$ by x on my s\l4 ,i c truly say1 ,i only began to live :5 ,i consid]$ myself z ent]+ ! grave2 =1 e/imat+ at _! real value ^? ?+s ,i 0 quitt+2 ,i began to employ myself on nobl] objects1 namely by anticipat+ ^? ,i hop$ %ortly to h ! contemplation (1 & :i* ,i _h hi!rto too mu* neglect$4 ,i _h (t5 made light ( religion1 b 0 nev] totally devoid ( x2 consequ5tly1 x co/ me less pa9 to employ my ?\ghts on t subject1 :i* is g5]ally ?\ght melan*oly1 ?\gh highly pleas+ to ^? :o make x an object ( hope & consolation2 ,madam de ,w>r5s1 !re=e1 0 m useful to me on ?is occasion ?an all ! !ologians 9 ! _w w\ld h be54 ,%e1 :o br\ght ev]y?+ into a sy/em1 _h n fail$ to d z mu* by religion2 & ?is sy/em 0 compos$ ( ideas t bore no aff9ity to ea* o!r4 ,"s 7 extremely good1 & o!rs v ridicul\s1 be+ made up ( s5tim5ts proce$+ f h] disposition1 & prejudices d]iv$ f education4 ,m51 9 g5]al1 make ,god l !mselves2 ! virtu\s make ,him good1 & ! pr(ligate make ,him wick$2 ill-temp]$ & bili\s devotees see no?+ b hell1 because !y w\ld will+ly damn all mank9d2 :ile lov+ & g5tle s\ls disbelieve x altoge!r2 & "o ( ! a/oni%m5ts ,i c\ld nev] ov]come1 is to see ! good ,f5elon speak ( x 9 8 ,telema*us z if he really gave cr$it to x2 b ,i hope he li$ 9 t p>ticul>1 = h[ev] /rict he might be 9 reg>d to tru?1 a bi%op absolutely mu/ lie sometimes4 ,madam de ,w>r5s spoke tru? ) me1 & t s\l1 made up )\t gall1 :o c\ld n imag9e a rev5geful & ev] angry ,god1 saw only clem5cy & =giv5ess1 :]e devotees be/[$ inflexible ju/ice1 & et]nal puni%m5t4 ,%e frequ5tly said !re w\ld be no ju/ice 9 ! ,supreme ,be+ %\ld ,he be /rictly j to u2 because1 n hav+ be/[$ :at 0 necess>y to r5d] u ess5tially good1 x w\ld be requir+ m ?an he _h giv54 ,! mo/ :imsical idea 01 t n believ+ 9 hell1 %e 0 firmly p]suad$ ( ! reality ( purgatory4 ,?is arose f h] n kn[+ :at to d ) ! wick$1 be+ loa!d to damn !m utt]ly1 nor yet c>+ to place !m ) ! good till !y _h become s2 & we mu/ really all[1 t bo? 9 ?is _w & ! next1 ! wick$ are v tr\blesome company4 ,x is cle>ly se5 t ! doctr9e ( orig9al s9 & ! r$emption ( mank9d is de/roy$ by ?is sy/em2 consequ5tly t ! basis ( ! ,*ri/ian disp5sation1 z g5]ally receiv$1 is %ak51 & t ! ,ca?olic fai? _c subsi/ ) ^! pr9ciples2 ,madam de ,w>r5s1 not)/&+1 0 a good ,ca?olic1 or at lea/ pret5d$ to be "o1 & c]ta9ly desir$ to become su*1 b x appe>$ to h] t ! ,scriptures 7 too lit]ally & h>%ly expla9$1 suppos+ t all we read ( ev]la/+ torm5ts 7 figurative ?reat5+s1 & ! dea? ( ,jesus ,*ri/ an example ( *>ity1 truly div9e1 :i* %\ld tea* mank9d to love ,god & ea* o!r2 9 a ^w1 fai?ful to ! religion %e _h embrac$1 %e acquiesc$ 9 all its pr(essions ( fai?1 b on a discussion ( ea* p>ticul> article1 x 0 pla9 %e ?\ght diametrically opposite to t *ur* ^: doctr9es %e pr(ess$ to believe4 ,9 ^! cases %e exhibit$ simplicity ( art1 a frankness m eloqu5t ?an sophi/ry1 :i* frequ5tly emb>rass$ h] confessor2 = %e disguis$ no?+ f him4 ,i am a good ,ca?olic1 %e w\ld say1 & w ev] rema9 s2 ,i adopt ) all ! p[]s ( my s\l ! decisions ( our holy ,"m ,*ur*2 ,i am n mi/ress ( my fai?1 b ,i am ( my w1 :i* ,i submit to y )\t res]ve2 ,i w endeavor to believe all1--:at c y require m8 ,_h !re be5 no ,*ri/ian morality e/abli%$1 ,i am p]suad$ %e w\ld h liv$ z if regulat$ by its pr9ciples1 s p]fectly did !y seem to accord ) h] disposition4 ,%e did ev]y?+ t 0 requir$2 & %e w\ld h done ! same _h !re be5 no su* requisition3 b all ?is morality 0 subord9ate to ! pr9ciples ( ,m4 ,tavel1 or r %e pret5d$ to see no?+ 9 religion t contradict$ !m2 ?us %e w\ld h favor$ tw5ty lov]s 9 a day1 )\t any idea ( a crime1 h] consci5ce be+ no m mov$ 9 t p>ticul> ?an h] passions4 ,i "k t a numb] ( devotees are n m scrupul\s1 b ! diff]5ce is1 !y are s$uc$ by con/itution1 %e 0 bl9d$ by h] sophisms4 ,9 ! mid/ ( conv]sations ! mo/ affect+1 ,i might say ! mo/ edify+1 %e w\ld t\* on ?is subject1 )\t any *ange ( air or mann]1 & )\t be+ s5sible ( any contradiction 9 h] op9ions2 s mu* 0 %e p]suad$ t our re/rictions on t head are m]ely political1 & t any p]son ( s5se might int]pret1 apply1 or make exceptions to !m1 )\t any dang] ( (f5d+ ! ,almighty4 ,?\gh ,i 0 f> en\gh f be+ ( ! same op9ion 9 ?is p>ticul>1 ,i confess ,i d>$ n combat h]s2 inde$1 z ,i 0 situat$1 x w\ld h be5 putt+ myself 9 r awkw>d circum/ances1 s9ce ,i c\ld only h s\ght to e/abli% my op9ion = o!rs1 myself be+ an exception4 ,besides1 ,i ent]ta9$ b little hopes ( mak+ h] alt] h]s1 :i* nev] _h any great influ5ce on h] conduct1 & at ! "t ,i am speak+ ( none2 b ,i h promis$ fai?fully to describe h] pr9ciples1 & ,i w p]=m my engagem5t--,i n[ return to myself4 ,f9d+ 9 h] all ^? ideas ,i _h occasion = to secure me f ! fe>s ( dea? & its future consequ5ces1 ,i drew confid5ce & security f ?is s\rce2 my atta*m5t became w>m] ?an ev]1 & ,i w\ld will+ly h transmitt$ to h] my :ole exi/5ce1 :i* seem$ ready to ab&on me4 ,f ?is r$\bl$ atta*m5t1 a p]suasion t ,i _h b a %ort "t to live1 & pr(\nd security on my future /ate1 arose an habitual & ev5 pleas+ s]5ity1 :i*1 calm+ e passion t ext5ds our hopes & fe>s1 made me enjoy )\t inquietude or conc]n ! few days :i* ,i imag9$ rema9$ = me4 ,:at contribut$ to r5d] !m /ill snore agreeable 0 an endeavor to enc\rage h] ris+ ta/e = ! c\ntry1 by e amusem5t ,i c\ld possibly devise1 wi%+ to atta* h] to h] g>d51 p\ltry1 pigeons1 & c[s3 ,i amus$ myself ) !m & ^! little occupations1 :i* employ$ my "t )\t injur+ my tranquillity1 7 m s]viceable ?an a milk diet1 or all ! rem$ies be/[$ on my poor %att]$ ma*9e1 ev5 to effect+ ! utmo/ possible ree/abli%m5t ( x4 ,! v9tage & ga!r+ 9 our fruit employ$ ! rema9d] ( ! ye>2 we became m & m atta*$ to a ru/ic life1 & ! society ( our hone/ neighbors4 ,we saw ! approa* ( w9t] ) regret1 & return$ to ! city z if go+ into exile4 ,to me ?is return 0 p>ticul>ly gloomy1 :o nev] expect$ to see ! return ( spr+1 & ?\ght ,i took an ev]la/+ leave ( ,*>mettes4 ,i did n quit x )\t kiss+ ! v e>? & trees1 ca/+ back _m a wi%ful look z ,i w5t t[>ds ,*amb]y4 ,hav+ left my s*ol>s = s long a "t1 & lo/ my reli% = ! amusem5ts ( ! t[n1 ,i seldom w5t out1 conv]s+ only ) ,madam de ,w>r5s & a ,monsieur ,salomon1 :o _h lately become our physician4 ,he 0 an hone/ man1 ( good und]/&+1 a great ,c>tesian1 spoke tol]ably well on ! sy/em ( ! _w1 & 8 agreeable & in/ructive conv]sations 7 m s]viceable ?an 8 prescriptions4 ,i c\ld nev] be> t fooli% trivial mode ( conv]sation :i* is s g5]ally adopt$2 b useful in/ructive disc\rse has always giv5 me great pleasure1 nor 0 ,i ev] backw>d to jo9 9 x4 ,i 0 mu* pleas$ ) t ( ,m4 ,salomon2 x appe>$ to me1 t :5 9 8 company1 ,i anticipat$ ! acquisition ( t sublime k :i* my s\l w\ld enjoy :5 fre$ f its mortal fett]s4 ,! incl9ation ,i _h = him ext5d$ to ! subjects :i* he treat$ on1 & ,i began to look aft] books :i* might bett] enable me to und]/& 8 disc\rse4 ,^? :i* m+l$ devotion ) sci5ce 7 mo/ agreeable to me1 p>ticul>ly ,port ,royal's ,oratory1 & ,i began to read or r to dev\r !m4 ,"o fell into my h&s writt5 by ,fa!r ,lami1 call$ ',entreti5s sur les ,sci5ces'1 :i* 0 a k9d ( introduction to ! k ( ^? books x treat$ (4 ,i read x ov] a hundr$ times1 & resolv$ to make ?is my guide2 9 %ort1 ,i f\nd 7not)/&+ my ill /ate ( heal?7 t ,i 0 irresi/ibly drawn t[>ds /udy1 & ?\gh look+ on ea* day z ! la/ ( my life1 read ) z mu* avidity z if c]ta9 ,i 0 to live =ev]4 ,i 0 assur$ t read+ w\ld injure me2 b on ! contr>y1 ,i am r incl9$ to ?9k x 0 s]viceable1 n only to my s\l1 b also to my body2 = ?is application1 :i* soon became delightful1 div]t$ my ?\ghts f my disord]s1 & ,i soon f\nd myself mu* less affect$ by !m4 ,x is c]ta91 h[ev]1 t no?+ gave me absolute ease1 b hav+ no long] any acute pa91 ,i became accu/om$ to langui%m5t & wakefulness2 to ?9k+ in/ead ( act+2 9 %ort1 ,i look$ on ! gradual & sl[ decay ( my body z inevitably progressive & only to be t]m9at$ by dea?4 ,?is op9ion n only deta*$ me f all ! va9 c>es ( life1 b deliv]$ me f ! importunity ( m$ic9e1 to :i* hi!rto1 ,i _h be5 =c$ to submit1 ?\gh contr>y to my incl9ation4 ,salomon1 conv9c$ t 8 drugs 7 unavail+1 sp>$ me ! disagreeable task ( tak+ !m1 & cont5t$ himself ) amus+ ! grief ( my poor ,madam de ,w>r5s by "s ( ^? h>mless prep>ations1 :i* s]ve to flatt] ! hopes ( ! pati5t & keep up ! cr$it ( ! doctor4 ,i discont9u$ ! /rict regim5 ,i _h latt]ly obs]v$1 resum$ ! use ( w9e1 & liv$ 9 e respect l a man 9 p]fect heal?1 z f> z my /r5g? w\ld p]mit1 only be+ c>eful to run into no excess2 ,i ev5 began to g out & visit my acqua9tance1 p>ticul>ly ,m4 de ,conzie1 ^: conv]sation 0 extremely pleas+ to me4 ,:e!r x /ruck me z h]oic to /udy to my la/ h\r1 or t "s hopes ( life yet l+]$ 9 ! bottom ( my he>t1 ,i _c tell1 b ! app>5t c]ta9ty ( dea?1 f> f relax+ my incl9ation = improvem5t1 seem$ to animate x1 & ,i ha/5$ to acquire k = ! o!r _w1 z if conv9c$ ,i %\ld only possess t portion ,i c\ld c>ry ) me4 ,i took a lik+ to ! %op ( a booksell]1 ^: "n 0 ,b\*>d1 :i* 0 frequ5t$ by "s m5 ( lett]s1 & z ! spr+ 7^: return ,i _h nev] expect$ to see aga97 0 approa*+1 furni%$ myself ) "s books = ,*>mettes1 9 case ,i %\ld h ! happ9ess to return !re4 ,i _h t happ9ess1 & enjoy$ x to ! utmo/ ext5t4 ,! rapture ) :i* ,i saw ! trees put out _! fir/ bud1 is inexpressible6 ,! return ( spr+ seem$ to me l ris+ f ! grave into p>adise4 ,! sn[ 0 h>dly (f ! gr\nd :5 we left our dungeon & return$ to ,*>mettes1 to enjoy ! fir/ w>bl+s ( ! night+ale4 ,i n[ ?\ght no m ( dy+1 & x is really s+ul>1 t f ?is "t ,i nev] exp]i5c$ any dang]\s illness 9 ! c\ntry4 ,i h suff]$ greatly1 b nev] kept my b$1 & h (t5 said to ^? ab\t me1 on f9d+ myself worse ?an ord9>y1 ,%\ld y see me at ! po9t ( dea?1 c>ry me "u ! %ade ( an oak1 & ,i promise y ,i %all recov]4 ,?\gh weak1 ,i resum$ my c\ntry occupations1 z f> z my /r5g? w\ld p]mit1 & conceiv$ a real grief at n be+ able to manage our g>d5 )\t help2 = ,i c\ld n take five or six /rokes ) ! spade )\t be+ out ( brea? & ov]come ) p]spiration2 :5 ,i /oop$ ! beat+ r$\bl$1 & ! blood flew ) su* viol5ce to my head1 t ,i 0 in/antly oblig$ to /& upright4 ,be+ !re=e conf9$ to less fatigu+ employm5ts1 ,i busi$ myself ab\t ! dove --h\se1 & 0 s pleas$ ) x t ,i sometimes pass$ sev]al h\rs !re )\t feel+ a mom5t's we>9ess4 ,! pigeon is v timid & difficult to tame1 yet ,i inspir$ m9e ) s mu* confid5ce t !y foll[$ me ev]y:]e1 lett+ me cat* !m at pleasure1 nor c\ld ,i appe> 9 ! g>d5 )\t hav+ two or ?ree on my arms or head 9 an in/ant1 & not)/&+ ! pleasure ,i took 9 !m1 _! company became s tr\blesome t ,i 0 oblig$ to less5 ! famili>ity4 ,i h ev] tak5 great pleasure 9 tam+ animals1 p>ticul>ly ^? t are wild & fe>ful4 ,x appe>$ delightful to me1 to inspire !m ) a confid5ce :i* ,i took c>e nev] to abuse1 wi%+ !m to love me freely4 ,i h already m5tion$ t ,i pur*as$ "s books3 ,i did n =get to read !m1 b 9 a mann] m prop] to fatigue ?an in/ruct me4 ,i imag9$ t to read a book pr(itably1 x 0 necess>y to be acqua9t$ ) e bran* ( k x ev5 m5tion$2 f> f ?9k+ t ! au?or did n d ?is himself1 b drew assi/ance f o!r books1 z he might see occasion4 ,full ( ?is silly idea1 ,i 0 /opp$ e mom5t1 oblig$ to run f "o book to ano!r1 & sometimes1 be=e ,i c\ld rea* ! t5? page ( :at ,i 0 /udy+1 f\nd x necess>y to turn ov] a :ole libr>y4 ,i 0 s atta*$ to ?is ridicul\s me?od1 t ,i lo/ a prodigi\s deal ( "t & _h bewild]$ my head to su* a degree1 t ,i 0 h>dly capable ( do+1 see+ or compreh5d+ any?+4 ,i =tunately p]ceiv$1 at l5g?1 t ,i 0 9 ! wrong road1 :i* w\ld entangle me 9 an inextricable labyr9?1 & quitt$ x be=e ,i 0 irrevocably lo/4 ,:5 a p]son has any real ta/e = ! sci5ces1 ! fir/ ?+ he p]ceives 9 ! pursuit ( !m is t connection by :i* !y mutually attract1 assi/1 & enlight5 ea* o!r1 & t x is impossible to atta9 "o )\t ! assi/ance ( ! re/4 ,?\gh ! human und]/&+ _c grasp all1 & "o mu/ ev] be reg>d$ z ! pr9cipal object1 yet if ! re/ are totally neglect$1 ! favorite /udy is g5]ally obscure2 ,i 0 conv9c$ t my resolution to improve 0 good & useful 9 itself1 b t x 0 necess>y ,i %\ld *ange my me?od2 ,i1 !re=e1 _h rec\rse to ! encyclopa$ia4 ,i began by a di/ribution ( ! g5]al mass ( human k into its v>i\s bran*es1 b soon discov]$ t ,i mu/ pursue a contr>y c\rse1 t ,i mu/ take ea* sep>ately1 & trace x to t po9t :]e x unit$ ) ! re/3 ?us ,i return$ to ! g5]al syn!tical me?od1 b return$ ?i!r ) a conviction t ,i 0 go+ "r4 ,m$itation suppli$ ! want ( k1 & a v natural reflection gave /r5g? to my resolutions1 :i* 01 t :e!r ,i liv$ or di$1 ,i _h no "t to lose2 = hav+ le>n$ b little be=e ! age ( five-&-tw5ty1 & !n resolv+ to le>n ev]y?+1 0 engag+ to employ ! future "t pr(itably4 ,i 0 ignorant at :at po9t accid5t or dea? might put a p]iod to my endeavors1 & resolv$ at all ev5ts to acquire ) ! utmo/ exp$ition "s idea ( e species ( k1 z well to try my natural disposition1 z to judge = myself :at mo/ des]v$ cultivation4 ,9 ! execution ( my plan1 ,i exp]i5c$ ano!r advantage :i* ,i _h nev] ?\ght (2 ?is 01 sp5d+ a great deal ( "t pr(itably4 ,nature c]ta9ly nev] meant me = /udy1 s9ce att5tive application fatigues me s mu*1 t ,i f9d x impossible to employ myself half an h\r toge!r int5tly on any "o subject2 p>ticul>ly :ile foll[+ ano!r p]son's ideas1 = x has frequ5tly happ5$ t ,i h pursu$ my own = a mu* long] p]iod ) success4 ,aft] read+ a few pages ( an au?or ) close application1 my und]/&+ is bewild]$1 & %\ld ,i ob/9ately cont9ue1 ,i tire myself to no purpose1 a /upefaction seizes me1 & ,i am no long] consci\s ( :at ,i read2 b 9 a succession ( v>i\s subjects1 "o relieves me f ! fatigue ( ! o!r1 & )\t f9d+ respite necess>y1 ,i c foll[ !m ) pleasure4 ,i took advantage ( ?is obs]vation 9 ! plan ( my /udies1 tak+ c>e to int]m+le !m 9 su* a mann] t ,i 0 nev] we>y3 x is true t dome/ic & rural conc]ns furni%$ _m pleas+ relaxations2 b z my eag]ness = improvem5t increas$1 ,i contriv$ to f9d opportunities = my /udies1 frequ5tly employ+ myself ab\t two ?+s at ! same "t1 )\t reflect+ t bo? 7 consequ5tly neglect$4 ,9 relat+ s _m trifl+ details1 :i* delight me1 b frequ5tly tire my read]1 ,i make use ( ! caution to suppress a great numb]1 ?\gh1 p]haps1 he w\ld h no idea ( ?is1 if ,i did n take c>e to in=m him ( x3 = example1 ,i recollect ) pleasure all ! diff]5t me?ods ,i adopt$ = ! di/ribution ( my "t1 9 su* a mann] z to produce ! utmo/ pr(it & pleasure4 ,i may say1 t ! portion ( my life :i* ,i pass$ 9 ?is retirem5t1 ?\gh 9 cont9ual ill-heal?1 0 t 9 :i* ,i 0 lea/ idle & lea/ we>i$4 ,two or ?ree mon?s 7 ?us employ$ 9 discov]+ ! b5t ( my g5ius2 meantime1 ,i enjoy$1 9 ! f9e/ season ( ! ye>1 & 9 a spot x r5d]$ delightful1 ! *>ms ( a life ^: wor? ,i 0 s highly s5sible (1 9 su* a society1 z free z x 0 *>m+2 if a union s p]fect1 & ! ext5sive k ,i purpos$ to acquire1 c be call$ society4 ,x seem$ to me z if ,i already possess$ ! improvem5ts ,i 0 only 9 pursuit (3 or r bett]1 s9ce ! pleasure ( le>n+ con/itut$ a great "p ( my happ9ess4 ,i mu/ pass ov] ^! p>ticul>s1 :i* 7 to me ! height ( enjoym5t1 b are too trivial to be> repeat+3 inde$1 true happ9ess is indescribable1 x is only to be felt1 & ?is consci\sness ( felicity is proportionately m1 ! less able we are to describe x2 because x does n absolutely result f a conc\rse ( favorable incid5ts1 b is an affection ( ! m9d itself4 ,i am frequ5tly guilty ( repetitions1 b %\ld be inf9itely m s1 did ,i repeat ! same ?+ z (t5 z x recurs ) pleasure to my m9d4 ,:5 at l5g? my v>iable mode ( life 0 r$uc$ to a m uni=m c\rse1 ! foll[+ 0 ne>ly ! di/ribution ( "t :i* ,i adopt$3 ,i rose e morn+ be=e ! sun1 & pass$ ?r\gh a neighbor+ or*>d into a pleasant pa?1 :i*1 runn+ by a v9ey>d1 l$ t[>ds ,*amb]y4 ,:ile walk+1 ,i (f]$ up my pray]s1 n by a va9 motion ( ! lips1 b a s9c]e elevation ( my he>t1 to ! ,great ,au?or ( delightful nature1 ^: beauties 7 s *>m+ly spread out be=e me6 ,i nev] love to pray 9 a *amb]2 x seems to me t ! walls & all ! little workman%ip ( man int]pos$ betwe5 ,god & myself3 ,i love to contemplate ,him 9 8 works1 :i* elevate my s\l1 & raise my ?\ghts to ,him4 ,my pray]s 7 pure1 ,i c affirm x1 & !re=e wor?y to be he>d3--,i ask$ = myself & h] f :om my ?\ghts 7 nev] divid$1 only an innoc5t & quiet life1 exempt f vice1 sorr[ & want2 ,i pray$ t we might die ! dea? ( ! j1 & p>take ( _! lot h]eaft]3 = ! re/1 x 0 r admiration & contemplation ?an reque/1 be+ satisfi$ t ! be/ means to obta9 :at is necess>y f ! ,giv] ( e p]fect good1 is r to des]ve ?an to solicit4 ,return+ f my walk1 ,i l5g!n$ ! way by tak+ a r\ndab\t pa?1 /ill contemplat+ ) e>ne/ness & delight ! beautiful sc5es ) :i* ,i 0 surr\nd$1 ^? only objects t nev] fatigue ei!r ! eye or ! he>t4 ,z ,i approa*$ our habitation1 ,i look$ =w>d to see if ,madam de ,w>r5s 0 /irr+1 & :5 ,i p]ceiv$ h] %utt]s op51 ,i ev5 ran ) joy t[>ds ! h\se3 if !y 7 yet %ut ,i w5t into ! g>d5 to wait _! op5+1 amus+ myself1 meantime1 by a retrospection ( :at ,i _h read ! prec$+ ev5+1 or 9 g>d5+4 ,! mom5t ! %utt] drew back ,i ha/5$ to embrace h]1 frequ5tly half asleep2 & ?is salute1 pure z x 0 affectionate1 ev5 f its innoc5ce1 possess$ a *>m :i* ! s5ses c nev] be/[4 ,we usually breakfa/$ on milk-c(fee2 ?is 0 ! "t ( day :5 we _h mo/ leisure1 & :5 we *att$ ) ! greate/ fre$om4 ,^! sitt+s1 :i* 7 usually pretty long1 h giv5 me a fondness = breakfa/s1 & ,i inf9itely pref] ^? ( ,engl&1 or ,switz]l&1 :i* are consid]$ z a meal1 at :i* all ! family assemble1 ?an ^? ( ,france1 :]e !y breakfa/ alone 9 _! sev]al ap>tm5ts1 or m frequ5tly h none at all4 ,aft] an h\r or two pass$ 9 disc\rse1 ,i w5t to my /udy till d9n]2 beg9n+ ) "s philosophical "w1 su* z ! logic ( ,port-,royal1 ,locke's ,essays1 ,mallebran*e1 ,leibtnitz1 ,desc>tes1 etc4 ,i soon f\nd t ^! au?ors p]petually contradict ea* o!r1 & =m$ ! *im]ical project ( reconcil+ !m1 :i* co/ me mu* labor & loss ( "t1 bewild]+ my head )\t any pr(it4 ,at l5g? 7r5\nc+ ?is idea7 ,i adopt$ "o inf9itely m pr(itable1 to :i* ,i attribute all ! progress ,i h s9ce made1 not)/&+ ! defects ( my capacity2 = 'tis c]ta9 ,i _h v little = /udy4 ,on read+ ea* au?or1 ,i acquir$ a habit ( foll[+ all 8 ideas1 )\t suff]+ my own or ^? ( any o!r writ] to int]f]e ) !m1 or ent]+ into any dispute on _! utility4 ,i said to myself1 ,i w beg9 by lay+ up a /ock ( ideas1 true or false1 b cle>ly conceiv$1 till my und]/&+ %all be suffici5tly furni%$ to enable me to comp>e & make *oice ( ^? t are mo/ e/imable4 ,i am s5sible ?is me?od is n )\t its inconv5i5ces1 b x succe$$ 9 furni%+ me ) a fund ( in/ruction4 ,hav+ pass$ "s ye>s 9 ?9k+ aft] o!rs1 )\t reflection1 & almo/ )\t reason+1 ,i f\nd myself possess$ ( suffici5t mat]ials to set ab\t ?9k+ on my own acc\nt1 & :5 j\rneys ( bus9ess depriv$ me ( ! opportunities ( consult+ books1 ,i amus$ myself ) recollect+ & comp>+ :at ,i _h read1 weigh+ e op9ion on ! balance ( reason1 & frequ5tly judg+ my ma/]s4 ,?\gh x 0 late be=e ,i began to ex]cise my judicial faculties1 ,i h n discov]$ t !y _h lo/ _! vigor1 & on publi%+ my own ideas1 h nev] be5 accus$ ( be+ a s]vile disciple or ( swe>+ '9 v]ba magi/ri'4 ,f ^! /udies ,i pass$ to ! elem5ts ( geometry1 = ,i nev] w5t fur!r1 =c+ my weak memory to reta9 !m by go+ ! same gr\nd a hundr$ & a hundr$ times ov]4 ,i did n admire ,euclid1 :o r seeks a *a9 ( demon/ration ?an a connection ( ideas3 ,i pref]r$ ! geometry ( ,fa!r ,lama1 :o f t "t became "o ( my favorite au?ors1 & ^: works ,i yet read ) pleasure4 ,algebra foll[$1 & ,fa!r ,lama 0 /ill my guide3 :5 ,i made "s progress1 ,i p]us$ ,fa!r ,reynaud's ,sci5ce ( ,calculation1 & !n 8 ,analysis ,demon/rat$2 b ,i nev] w5t f> en\gh ?or\ghly to und]/& ! application ( algebra to geometry4 ,i 0 n pleas$ ) ?is me?od ( p]=m+ op]ations by rule )\t kn[+ :at ,i 0 ab\t3 resolv+ geometrical problems by ! help ( equations seem$ l play+ a tune by turn+ r\nd a h&le4 ,! fir/ "t ,i f\nd by calculation t ! squ>e ( a b9ocul> figure 0 compos$ ( ! squ>e ( ea* ( its p>ts1 & d\ble ! product ( "o by ! o!r2 ?\gh conv9c$ t my multiplication 0 "r1 ,i c\ld n be satisfi$ till ,i _h made & exam9$ ! figure3 n b ,i admire algebra :5 appli$ to ab/ract quantities1 b :5 us$ to demon/rate dim5sions1 ,i wi%$ to see ! op]ation1 & unless expla9$ by l9es1 c\ld n rightly compreh5d x4 ,aft] ?is came ,lat93 x 0 my mo/ pa9ful /udy1 & 9 :i* ,i nev] made great progress4 ,i began by ,port-,royal's ,rudim5ts1 b )\t success2 ,i lo/ myself 9 a cr[d ( rules2 & 9 /udy+ ! la/ =got all t prec$$ x4 ,a /udy ( words is n calculat$ = a man )\t memory1 & x 0 pr9cipally an endeavor to make my memory m ret5tive1 t urg$ me ob/9ately to p]si/ 9 ?is /udy1 :i* at l5g? ,i 0 oblig$ to rel9qui%4 ,z ,i und]/ood en\gh to read an easy au?or by ! aid ( a diction>y1 ,i foll[$ t me?od1 & f\nd x succe$ tol]ably well4 ,i likewise appli$ myself to translation1 n by writ+1 b m5tally1 & by ex]cise & p]sev]ance atta9$ to read ,lat9 au?ors easily1 b h nev] be5 able to speak or write t language1 :i* has frequ5tly emb>rass$ me :5 ,i h f\nd myself 7,i "k n by :at means7 enroll$ among m5 ( lett]s4 ,ano!r inconv5i5ce t arose f ?is mann] ( le>n+ is1 t ,i nev] und]/ood prosody1 mu* less ! rules ( v]sification2 yet1 anxi\s to und]/& ! h>mony ( ! language1 bo? 9 prose & v]se1 ,i h made _m ef=ts to obta9 x1 b am conv9c$1 t )\t a ma/] x is almo/ impossible4 ,hav+ le>n$ ! composition ( ! hexamet]1 :i* is ! easie/ ( all v]ses1 ,i _h ! pati5ce to measure out ! great] "p ( ,virgil into feet & quantity1 & :5ev] ,i 0 dubi\s :e!r a syllable 0 long or %ort1 imm$iately consult$ my ,virgil4 ,x may easily be conceiv$ t ,i ran into _m errors 9 consequ5ce ( ^? lic5ses p]mitt$ by ! rules ( v]sification2 & x is c]ta91 t if !re is an advantage 9 /udy+ alone1 !re are also great inconv5i5ces & inconceivable labor1 z ,i h exp]i5c$ m ?an any "o4 ,at twelve ,i quitt$ my books1 & if d9n] 0 n ready1 paid my fri5ds1 ! pigeons1 a visit1 or work$ 9 ! g>d5 till x 01 & :5 ,i he>d myself call$1 ran v will+ly1 & ) a good appetite to p>take ( x1 = x is v rem>kable1 t let me be ev] s indispos$ my appetite nev] fails4 ,we d9$ v agreeably1 *att+ till ,madam de ,w>r5s c\ld eat4 ,two or ?ree times a week1 :5 x 0 f9e1 we drank our c(fee 9 a cool %ady arbor beh9d ! h\se1 t ,i _h decorat$ ) hops1 & :i* 0 v refre%+ dur+ ! heat2 we usually pass$ an h\r 9 view+ our fl[]s & vegetables1 or 9 conv]sation relative to our mann] ( life1 :i* greatly increas$ ! pleasure ( x4 ,i _h ano!r little family at ! end ( ! g>d52 ^! 7 sev]al hives ( bees1 :i* ,i nev] fail$ to visit once a day1 & 0 frequ5tly accompani$ by ,madam de ,w>r5s4 ,i 0 greatly int]e/$ 9 _! labor1 & amus$ myself see+ !m return to ! hives1 _! little ?ighs s load$ ) ! preci\s /ore t !y c\ld h>dly walk4 ,at fir/1 curiosity made me indiscreet1 & !y /ung me sev]al times1 b aft]w>ds1 we 7 s well acqua9t$1 t let me approa* z ne> z ,i w\ld1 !y nev] mole/$ me1 ?\gh ! hives 7 full & ! bees ready to sw>m4 ,at ^! times ,i h be5 surr\nd$1 hav+ !m on my h&s & face )\t appreh5d+ any dang]4 ,all animals are di/ru/ful ( man1 & ) reason1 b :5 once assur$ he does n mean to injure !m1 _! confid5ce becomes s great t he mu/ be worse ?an a b>b>ian :o abuses x4 ,aft] ?is ,i return$ to my books2 b my aft]noon employm5t ought r to be> ! "n ( recreation & amusem5t1 ?an labor or /udy4 ,i h nev] be5 able to be> application aft] d9n]1 & 9 g5]al any k9d ( att5tion is pa9ful to me dur+ ! heat ( ! day4 ,i employ$ myself1 'tis true1 b )\t re/ra9t or rule1 & read )\t /udy+4 ,:at ,i mo/ att5d$ to at ^! times1 0 hi/ory & geography1 & z ^! did n require int5se application1 made z mu* progress 9 !m z my weak memory w\ld p]mit4 ,i _h an incl9ation to /udy ,fa!r ,petau1 & laun*$ into ! gloom ( *ronology1 b 0 disgu/$ at ! critical "p1 :i* ,i f\nd _h nei!r bottom nor banks2 ?is made me pref] ! m exact measurem5t ( "t by ! c\rse ( ! cele/ial bodies4 ,i %\ld ev5 h contract$ a fondness = a/ronomy1 _h ,i be5 9 possession ( in/rum5ts1 b 0 oblig$ to cont5t myself ) "s ( ! elem5ts ( t art1 le>n$ f books1 & a few rude obs]vations made ) a telescope1 suffici5t only to give me a g5]al idea ( ! situation ( ! heav5ly bodies2 = my %ort sight is insuffici5t to di/+ui% ! />s )\t ! help ( a glass4 ,i recollect an adv5ture on ?is subject1 ! remembrance ( :i* has (t5 div]t$ me4 ,i _h b\ght a cele/ial planisph]e to /udy ! con/ellations by1 &1 hav+ fix$ x on a frame1 :5 ! nights 7 f9e & ! sky cle>1 ,i w5t into ! g>d52 & fix+ ! frame on f\r /icks1 some?+ high] ?an myself1 :i* ,i drove into ! gr\nd1 turn$ ! planisph]e d[nw>ds1 & contriv$ to light x by means ( a c&le 7:i* ,i put 9 a pail to prev5t ! w9d f bl[+ x out7 & !n plac$ 9 ! c5tre ( ! above--m5tion$ f\r support]s2 ?is done1 ,i exam9$ ! />s ) my glass1 & f "t to "t ref]r+ to my planisph]e1 endeavor$ to di/+ui% ! v>i\s con/ellations4 ,i ?9k ,i h be=e obs]v$ t our g>d5 0 on a t]race1 & lay op5 to ! road4 ,"o night1 "s c\ntry p pass+ v late1 saw me 9 a mo/ grotesque habit1 busily employ$ 9 ^! obs]vations3 ! light1 :i* /ruck directly on ! planisph]e1 proce$+ f a cause !y c\ld n div9e 7! c&le be+ conceal$ by ! sides ( ! pail71 ! f\r /akes support+ a l>ge pap]1 m>k$ ov] ) v>i\s unc\? figures1 ) ! motion ( ! telescope1 :i* !y saw turn+ backw>ds & =w>ds1 gave ! :ole an air ( conjuration t /ruck !m ) horror & amazem5t4 ,my figure 0 by no means calculat$ to dispel _! fe>s2 a flapp$ hat put on ov] my nightcap1 & a %ort cloak ab\t my %\ld] 7:i* ,madam de ,w>r5s _h oblig$ me to put on7 pres5t$ 9 _! idea ! image ( a real sorc]]4 ,be+ ne> midnight1 !y made no d\bt b ?is 0 ! beg9n+ ( "s diabolical assembly1 & hav+ no curiosity to pry fur!r into ^! my/]ies1 !y fl$ ) all possible spe$1 awak5$ _! neighbors1 & describ$ ?is mo/ dreadful vision4 ,! /ory spread s fa/ t ! next day ! :ole neighborhood 0 in=m$ t a nocturnal assembly ( wit*es 0 held 9 ! g>d5 t belong$ to ,monsieur ,noiret1 & ,i am ignorant :at might h be5 ! consequ5ce ( ?is rumor if "o ( ! c\ntrym5 :o _h be5 witness to my conjurations _h n ! same day c>ri$ 8 compla9t to two ,jesuits1 :o frequ5tly came to visit u1 & :o1 )\t kn[+ ! f\ndation ( ! /ory1 undeceiv$ & satisfi$ !m4 ,^! ,jesuits told u ! :ole affair1 & ,i acqua9t$ !m ) ! cause ( x1 :i* altoge!r furni%$ u ) a he>ty laugh4 ,h[ev]1 ,i resolv$ = ! future to make my obs]vations )\t light1 & consult my planisph]e 9 ! h\se4 ,^? :o h read ,v5etian magic1 9 ! ',lett]s f ! ,m\nta9'1 may f9d t ,i long s9ce _h ! reputation ( be+ a conjur]4 ,su* 0 ! life ,i l$ at ,*>mettes :5 ,i _h no rural employm5ts1 = !y ev] _h ! pref]5ce1 & 9 ^? t did n exce$ my /r5g?1 ,i work$ l a peasant2 b my extreme weakness left me little except ! w2 besides1 z ,i h be=e obs]v$1 ,i wi%$ to d two ?+s at once1 & !re=e did nei!r well4 ,i ob/9ately p]si/$ 9 =c+ my memory to reta9 a great deal by he>t1 & = t purpose1 ,i always c>ri$ "s book ) me1 :i*1 :ile at "w1 ,i /udi$ ) inconceivable labor4 ,i 0 cont9ually repeat+ some?+1 & am really amaz$ t ! fatigue ( ^! va9 & cont9ual ef=ts did n r5d] me entirely /upid4 ,i mu/ h le>n$ & rele>n$ ! ,eclogues ( ,virgil tw5ty times ov]1 ?\gh at ?is "t ,i _c recollect a s+le l9e ( !m4 ,i h lo/ or spoil$ a great numb] ( books by a cu/om ,i _h ( c>ry+ !m ) me into ! dove-h\se1 ! g>d51 or*>d or v9ey>d1 :51 be+ busy ab\t some?+ else1 ,i laid my book at ! foot ( a tree1 on ! h$ge1 or ! fir/ place t came to h&1 & frequ5tly left !m !re1 f9d+ !m a =tnight aft]1 p]haps1 rott$ to pieces1 or eat5 by ! ants or snails2 & ?is ardor = le>n+ became s f> a madness t x r5d]$ me almo/ /upid1 & ,i 0 p]petually mutt]+ "s passage or o!r to myself4 ,! writ+s ( ,port-,royal1 & ^? ( ! ,oratory1 be+ :at ,i mo/ read1 _h made me half a ,jans5i/1 &1 not)/&+ all my confid5ce1 _! h>% !ology sometimes al>m$ me4 ,a dread ( hell1 :i* till !n ,i _h nev] mu* appreh5d$1 by little & little di/urb$ my security1 & _h n ,madam de ,w>r5s tranquilliz$ my s\l1 w\ld at l5g? h be5 too mu* = me4 ,my confessor1 :o 0 h]s likewise1 contribut$ all 9 8 p[] to keep up my hopes4 ,?is 0 a ,jesuit1 nam$ ,fa!r ,hemet2 a good & wise old man1 ^: memory ,i %all ev] hold 9 v5]ation4 ,?\gh a ,jesuit1 he _h ! simplicity ( a *ild1 & 8 mann]s1 less relax$ ?an g5tle1 7 precisely :at 0 necess>y to balance ! melan*oly impressions made on me by ,jans5ism4 ,?is good man & 8 companion1 ,fa!r ,coppi]1 came frequ5tly to visit u at ,*>mette1 ?\gh ! road 0 v r\gh & t$i\s = m5 ( _! age4 ,^! visits 7 v com=table to me1 :i* may ! ,almighty return to _! s\ls1 = !y 7 s old t ,i _c suppose !m yet liv+4 ,i sometimes w5t to see !m at ,*amb]y1 became acqua9t$ at _! conv5t1 & _h free access to ! libr>y4 ,! remembrance ( t happy "t is s connect$ ) ! idea ( ^? ,jesuits1 t ,i love "o on acc\nt ( ! o!r1 & ?\gh ,i h ev] ?\ght _! doctr9es dang]\s1 c\ld nev] f9d myself 9 a disposition to hate !m cordially4 ,i %\ld l to "k :e!r !re ev] pass$ su* *ildi% notions 9 ! he>ts ( o!r m5 z sometimes d 9 m9e4 ,9 ! mid/ ( my /udies1 & ( a life z innoc5t z man c\ld lead1 not)/&+ e p]suasion to ! contr>y1 ! dread ( hell frequ5tly torm5t$ me4 ,i ask$ myself1 ,:at /ate am ,i 98 ,%\ld ,i die at ?is in/ant1 mu/ ,i be damn$8 ,accord+ to my ,jans5i/s ! matt] 0 indubitable1 b accord+ to my consci5ce x appe>$ q ! contr>y3 t]rifi$ & float+ 9 ?is cruel unc]ta9ty1 ,i _h rec\rse to ! mo/ laughable exp$i5t to resolve my d\bts1 = :i* ,i w\ld will+ly %ut up any man z a lunatic %\ld ,i see him practise ! same folly4 ,"o day1 m$itat+ on ?is melan*oly subject1 ,i ex]cis$ myself 9 ?r[+ /ones at ! trunks ( trees1 ) my usual dext]ity1 t is to say1 )\t hitt+ any ( !m4 ,9 ! height ( ?is *>m+ ex]cise1 x ent]$ my m9d to make a k9d ( progno/ic1 t might calm my inquietude2 ,i said1 ,i w ?r[ ?is /one at ! tree fac+ me2 if ,i hit my m>k1 ,i w consid] x z a sign ( salvation2 if ,i miss1 z a tok5 ( damnation4 ,:ile ,i said ?is1 ,i ?rew ! /one ) a trembl+ h& & beat+ brea/ b s happily t x /ruck ! body ( ! tree1 :i* truly 0 n a difficult matt]1 = ,i _h tak5 c>e to *oose "o t 0 v l>ge & v ne> me4 ,f t mom5t ,i nev] d\bt$ my salvation3 ,i "k n on recollect+ ?is trait1 :e!r ,i ought to laugh or %udd] at myself4 ,ye great g5iuses1 :o surely laugh at my folly1 congratulate y\rselves on y\r sup]ior wisdom1 b insult n my unhapp9ess1 = ,i swe> to y t ,i feel x mo/ s5sibly4 ,^! tr\bles1 ^! al>ms1 insep>able1 p]haps1 f devotion1 7 only at int]vals2 9 g5]al1 ,i 0 tranquil1 & ! impression made on my s\l by ! idea ( approa*+ dea?1 0 less t ( melan*oly ?an a peaceful languor1 :i* ev5 _h its pleasures4 ,i h f\nd among my old pap]s a k9d ( congratulation & exhortation :i* ,i made to myself on dy+ at an age :5 ,i _h ! c\rage to meet dea? ) s]5ity1 )\t hav+ exp]i5c$ any great evils1 ei!r ( body or m9d4 ,h[ mu* ju/ice 0 !re 9 ! ?\ght6 ,a preconception ( :at ,i _h to suff] made me fe> to live1 & x seem$ t ,i dread$ ! fate :i* mu/ att5d my future days4 ,i h nev] be5 s ne> wisdom z dur+ ?is p]iod1 :5 ,i felt no great remorse = ! pa/1 nor torm5t+ fe> = ! future2 ! reign+ s5tim5t ( my s\l be+ ! enjoym5t ( ! pres5t4 ,s]i\s p usually possess a lively s5suality1 :i* makes !m highly enjoy ^? innoc5t pleasures t are all[$ !m4 ,worldl+s 7,i "k n :y7 impute ?is to !m z a crime3 or r1 ,i well "k ! cause ( ?is imputation1 x is because !y envy o!rs ! enjoym5t ( ^? simple & pure delights :i* !y h lo/ ! reli% (4 ,i _h ^! incl9ations1 & f\nd x *>m+ to gratify !m 9 security ( consci5ce4 ,my yet inexp]i5c$ he>t gave 9 to all ) ! calm happ9ess ( a *ild1 or r 7if ,i d>e use ! expression7 ) ! raptures ( an angel2 = 9 reality ^! pure delights are z s]5e z ^? ( p>adise4 ,d9n]s on ! grass at ,montagnole1 supp]s 9 our arbor1 ga!r+ 9 ! fruits1 ! v9tage1 a social meet+ ) our neighbors2 all ^! 7 s _m holidays1 9 :i* ,madam de ,w>r5s took z mu* pleasure z myself4 ,solit>y walks af=d$ yet pur] pleasure1 because 9 !m our he>ts exp&$ ) great] fre$om3 "o p>ticul>ly rema9s 9 my memory2 x 0 on a ,/4 ,l\is' day1 ^: "n ,madam de ,w>r5s bore3 we set out toge!r e>ly & unatt5d$1 aft] hav+ he>d a mass at break ( day 9 a *apel adjo9+ our h\se1 f a ,c>melite1 :o att5d$ = t purpose4 ,z ,i propos$ walk+ ov] ! hills opposite our dwell+1 :i* we _h n yet visit$1 we s5t our provisions on be=e2 ! excursion be+ to la/ ! :ole day4 ,madam de ,w>r5s1 ?\gh r corpul5t1 did n walk ill1 & we rambl$ f hill to hill & wood to wood1 sometimes 9 ! sun1 b (t5] 9 ! %ade1 re/+ f "t to "t1 & reg>dless h[ ! h\rs /ole away2 speak+ ( ourselves1 ( our union1 ( ! g5tl5ess ( our fate1 & (f]+ up pray]s = its duration1 :i* 7 nev] he>d4 ,ev]y?+ conspir$ to augm5t our happ9ess3 x _h ra9$ = sev]al days previ\s to ?is1 !re 0 no du/1 ! brooks 7 full & rapid1 a g5tle breeze agitat$ ! leaves1 ! air 0 pure1 ! horizon free f cl\ds1 s]5ity reign$ 9 ! sky z 9 our he>ts4 ,our d9n] 0 prep>$ at a peasant's h\se1 & %>$ ) him & 8 family1 ^: b5$ictions we receiv$4 ,^! poor ,savoy>ds are ! wor?ie/ ( p6 ,aft] d9n] we rega9$ ! %ade1 & :ile ,i 0 pick+ up bits ( dri$ /icks1 to boil our c(fee1 ,madam de ,w>r5s amus$ h]self ) h]baliz+ among ! bu%es1 & ) ! fl[]s ,i _h ga!r$ = h] 9 my way4 ,%e made me rem>k 9 _! con/ruction a ?\s& natural beauties1 :i* greatly amus$ me1 & :i* ought to h giv5 me a ta/e = botany2 b ! "t 0 n yet come1 & my att5tion 0 arre/$ by too _m o!r /udies4 ,besides ?is1 an idea /ruck me1 :i* div]t$ my ?\ghts f fl[]s & plants3 ! situation ( my m9d at t mom5t1 all t we _h said or done t day1 e object t _h /ruck me1 br\ght to my remembrance ! k9d ( wak+ dream ,i _h at ,annecy sev5 or eight ye>s be=e1 & :i* ,i h giv5 an acc\nt ( 9 its place4 ,! simil>ity 0 s /rik+ t x affect$ me ev5 to te>s3 9 a transport ( t5d]ness ,i embrac$ ,madam de ,w>r5s4 ,my de>e/ fri5d1 said ,i1 ?is day has long s9ce be5 promis$ me3 ,i c see no?+ beyond x3 my happ9ess1 by y\r means1 is at its height2 may x nev] decrease2 may x cont9ue z long z ,i am s5sible ( its value-!n x c only f9i% ) my life4 ,?us happily pass$ my days1 & ! m happily z ,i p]ceiv$ no?+ t c\ld di/urb or br+ !m to a conclusion2 n t ! cause ( my =m] uneas9ess _h absolutely ceas$1 b ,i saw x take ano!r c\rse1 :i* ,i direct$ ) my utmo/ c>e to useful objects1 t ! rem$y might accompany ! evil4 ,madam de ,w>r5s naturally lov$ ! c\ntry1 & ?is ta/e did n cool :ile ) me4 ,by little & little %e contract$ a fondness = ru/ic employm5ts1 wi%$ to make ! mo/ ( h] l&1 & _h 9 t p>ticul> a k :i* %e practis$ ) pleasure4 ,n satisfi$ ) :at belong$ to ! h\se1 %e hir$ fir/ a field1 !n a mead[1 transf]r+ h] ent]pris+ humor to ! objects ( agriculture1 & in/ead ( rema9+ unemploy$ 9 ! h\se1 0 9 ! way ( becom+ a complete f>m]4 ,i 0 n greatly pleas$ to see ?is passion increase1 & endeavor$ all ,i c\ld to oppose x2 = ,i 0 c]ta9 %e w\ld be deceiv$1 & t h] lib]al extravagant disposition w\ld infallibly c>ry h] exp5ses beyond h] pr(its2 h[ev]1 ,i consol$ myself by ?9k+ ! produce c\ld n be useless1 & w\ld at lea/ help h] to live4 ,( all ! projects %e c\ld =m1 ?is appe>$ ! lea/ ru9\s3 )\t reg>d+ x1 !re=e1 9 ! light %e did1 z a pr(itable s*eme1 ,i consid]$ x z a p]petual employm5t1 :i* w\ld keep h] f m ru9\s ent]prises1 & out ( ! rea* ( impo/ors4 ,) ?is idea1 ,i ard5tly wi%$ to recov] my heal? & /r5g?1 t ,i might sup]9t5d h] affairs1 ov]look h] labor]s1 or1 r1 be ! pr9cipal "o myself4 ,! ex]cise ?is naturally oblig$ me to take1 ) ! relaxation x procur$ me f books & /udy1 0 s]viceable to my heal?4 ,! w9t] foll[+1 ,b>illot return+ f ,italy1 br\ght me "s books2 & among o!rs1 ! ',bontempi' & 'la ,c>tella p] ,musica'1 ( ,fa!r ,ban*i]i2 ^! gave me a ta/e = ! hi/ory ( music & = ! !oretical rese>*es ( t pleas+ art4 ,b>illot rema9$ "s "t ) u1 & z ,i _h be5 ( age "s mon?s1 ,i det]m9$ to g to ,g5eva ! foll[+ spr+1 & dem& my "m's inh]itance1 or at lea/ t "p :i* belong$ to me1 till x c\ld be asc]ta9$ :at _h become ( my bro!r4 ,?is plan 0 execut$ z x _h be5 resolv$3 ,i w5t to ,g5eva2 my fa!r met me !re1 = he _h occasionally visit$ ,g5eva a long "t s9ce1 )\t its be+ p>ticul>ly notic$1 ?\gh ! decree t _h be5 pron\nc$ aga9/ him _h nev] be5 rev]s$2 b be+ e/eem$ = 8 c\rage1 & respect$ = 8 probity1 ! situation ( 8 affairs 0 pret5d$ to be =gott52 or p]haps1 ! magi/rates1 employ$ ) ! great project t broke out "s little "t aft]1 7 n will+ to al>m ! citiz5s by recall+ to _! memory1 at an improp] "t1 ?is in/ance ( _! =m] p>tiality4 ,i appreh5d$ t ,i %\ld meet ) difficulties1 on acc\nt ( hav+ *ang$ my religion1 b none occurr$2 ! laws ( ,g5eva be+ less h>% 9 t p>ticul> ?an ^? ( ,b]ne1 :]e1 :oev] *anges 8 religion1 n only loses 8 fre$om1 b 8 prop]ty4 ,my rights1 h[ev]1 7 n disput$3 b ,i f\nd my patrimony1 ,i "k n h[1 r$uc$ to v little1 & ?\gh x 0 kn[n almo/ to a c]ta9ty t my bro!r 0 dead1 yet1 z !re 0 no legal pro(1 ,i c\ld n lay claim to 8 %>e1 :i* ,i left )\t regret to my fa!r1 :o enjoy$ x z long z he liv$4 ,no soon] 7 ! necess>y =malities adju/$1 & ,i _h receiv$ my money1 "s ( :i* ,i exp5d$ 9 books1 ?an ,i flew ) ! rema9d] to ,madam de ,w>r5s2 my he>t beat ) joy dur+ ! j\rney1 & ! mom5t 9 :i* ,i gave ! money into h] h&s1 0 to me a ?\s& times m delightful ?an t :i* gave x into m9e4 ,%e receiv$ ?is ) a simplicity common to great s\ls1 :o1 do+ simil> actions )\t ef=t1 see !m )\t admiration2 inde$ x 0 almo/ all exp5d$ = my use1 = x w\ld h be5 employ$ 9 ! same mann] _h x come f any o!r qu>t]4 ,my heal? 0 n yet re-e/abli%$2 ,i decay$ visibly1 0 pale z dea?1 & r$uc$ to an absolute skeleton2 ! beat+ ( my art]ies 0 extreme1 my palpitations 7 frequ5t3 ,i 0 s5sible ( a cont9ual oppression1 & my weakness became at l5g? s great1 t ,i c\ld sc>cely move or /ep )\t dang] ( suffocation1 /oop )\t v]tigoes1 or lift ev5 ! smalle/ weight1 :i* r$uc$ me to ! mo/ torm5t+ inaction = a man s naturally /irr+ z myself4 ,x is c]ta9 my disord] 0 9 a great measure hypo*ondriacal4 ,! vapors is a malady common to p 9 =tunate situations3 ! te>s ,i frequ5tly %$1 )\t reason2 ! lively al>ms ,i felt on ! fall+ ( a leaf1 or ! flutt]+ ( a bird2 inequality ( humor 9 ! calm ( a mo/ pleas+ life2 lassitude :i* made me we>y ev5 ( happ9ess1 & c>ri$ s5sibility to extravagance1 7 an in/ance ( ?is4 ,we are s little =m$ = felicity1 t :5 ! s\l & body d n suff] toge!r1 !y mu/ necess>ily endure sep>ate inconv5i5ces1 ! good /ate ( ! "o be+ almo/ always injuri\s to ! happ9ess ( ! o!r4 ,_h all ! pleasure ( life c\rt$ me1 my weak5$ frame w\ld n h p]mitt$ ! enjoym5t ( !m1 )\t my be+ able to p>ticul>ize ! real seat ( my compla9t2 yet 9 ! decl9e ( life2 aft] hav+ enc\nt]$ v s]i\s & real evils1 my body seem$ to rega9 its /r5g?1 z if on purpose to enc\nt] additional mis=tunes2 &1 at ! mom5t ,i write ?is1 ?\gh infirm1 ne> sixty1 & ov]:elm$ ) e k9d ( sorr[1 ,i feel m ability to suff] ?an ,i ev] possess$ = enjoym5t :5 9 ! v fl[] ( my age1 & 9 ! bosom ( real happ9ess4 ,to complete me1 ,i _h m+l$ a little physiology among my o!r read+s3 ,i set ab\t /udy+ anatomy1 & consid]+ ! multitude1 movem5t1 & wond]ful con/ruction ( ! v>i\s p>ts t compos$ ! human ma*9e2 my appreh5sions 7 in/antly increas$1 ,i expect$ to feel m9e d]ang$ tw5ty times a day1 & f> f be+ surpris$ to f9d myself dy+1 0 a/oni%$ t ,i yet exi/$6 ,i c\ld n read ! description ( any malady )\t ?9k+ x m9e1 &1 _h ,i n be5 already indispos$1 ,i am c]ta9 ,i %\ld h become s f ?is /udy4 ,f9d+ 9 e disease symptoms simil> to m9e1 ,i fanci$ ,i _h !m all1 &1 at l5g?1 ga9$ "o m tr\blesome ?an any ,i yet suff]$1 :i* ,i _h ?\ght myself deliv]$ f2 ?is 01 a viol5t incl9ation to seek a cure2 :i* x is v difficult to suppress1 :5 once a p]son beg9s read+ physical books4 ,by se>*+1 reflect+1 & comp>+1 ,i became p]suad$ t ! f\ndation ( my compla9t 0 a polypus at ! he>t1 & ,doctor ,salomon appe>$ to co9cide ) ! idea4 ,reasonably ?is op9ion %\ld h confirm$ my =m] resolution ( consid]+ myself pa/ cure2 ?is1 h[ev]1 0 n ! case2 on ! contr>y2 ,i ex]t$ e p[] ( my und]/&+ 9 se>* ( a rem$y = a polypus1 resolv+ to und]take ?is m>vell\s cure4 ,9 a j\rney :i* ,anet _h made to ,montpeli]1 to see ! physical g>d5 !re1 & visit ,monsieur ,sauvages1 ! demon/rator1 he _h be5 in=m$ t ,monsieur ,fizes _h cur$ a polypus simil> to t ,i fanci$ myself afflict$ )3 ,madam de ,w>r5s1 recollect+ ?is circum/ance1 m5tion$ x to me1 & no?+ m 0 necess>y to inspire me ) a desire to consult ,monsieur ,fizes4 ,! hope ( recov]y gave me c\rage & /r5g? to und]take ! j\rney2 ! money f ,g5eva furni%$ ! means2 ,madam de ,w>r5s1 f> f dissuad+1 entreat$ me to g3 behold me1 !re=e1 )\t fur!r c]emony1 set out = ,montpeli]6--b x 0 n necess>y to g s f> to f9d ! cure ,i 0 9 se>* (4 ,f9d+ ! motion ( ! horse too fatigu+1 ,i _h hir$ a *aise at ,gr5oble1 & on ent]+ ,moirans1 five or six o!r *aises arriv$ 9 a rank aft] m9e4 ,! great] "p ( ^! 7 9 ! tra9 ( a new m>ri$ lady call$ ,madam du ,colombi]2 ) h] 0 a ,madam de ,l>nage1 n s "y or h&some z ! =m]1 yet n less amiable4 ,! bride 0 to /op at ,romans1 b ! o!r lady 0 to pursue h] r\te z f> z ,sa9t-,&iol1 ne> ! bridge du ,/4 ,esprit4 ,) my natural timidity x w n be conjectur$ t ,i 0 v ready at =m+ an acqua9tance ) ^! f9e ladies1 & ! company t att5d$ !m2 b travell+ ! same road1 lodg+ at ! same inns1 & be+ oblig$ to eat at ! same table1 ! acqua9tance seem$ unavoidable1 z any backw>dness on my "p w\ld h got me ! "* ( a v unsociable be+3 x 0 =m$ !n1 & ev5 soon] ?an ,i desir$1 = all ?is bu/le 0 by no means conv5i5t to a p]son 9 ill heal?1 p>ticul>ly to "o ( my humor4 ,curiosity r5d]s ^! vix5s extremely ins9uat+2 !y accompli% _! design ( becom+ acqua9t$ ) a man by endeavor+ to turn 8 bra91 & ?is 0 precisely :at happ5$ to me4 ,madam du ,colombi] 0 too mu* surr\nd$ by h] "y gallants to h any opportunity ( pay+ mu* att5tion to me2 besides1 x 0 n wor?:ile1 z we 7 to sep>ate 9 s %ort a "t2 b ,madam de ,l>nage 7less att5d$ to ?an h] "y fri5d7 _h to provide h]self = ! rema9d] ( ! j\rney2 behold me1 !n1 attack$ by ,madam de ,l>nage1 & adieu to poor ,jean ,jacques1 or r f>ewell to fev]1 vapors1 & polypus2 all completely vani%$ :5 9 h] pres5ce4 ,! ill /ate ( my heal? 0 ! fir/ subject ( our conv]sation2 !y saw ,i 0 indispos$1 knew ,i 0 go+ to ,montpeli]1 b my air & mann] c]ta9ly did n exhibit ! appe>ance ( a lib]t9e1 s9ce x 0 cle> by :at foll[$ !y did n suspect ,i 0 go+ !re = a reason t c>ries _m t road4 ,9 ! morn+ !y s5t to inquire aft] my heal? & invite me to take *ocolate ) !m1 & :5 ,i made my appe>ance ask$ h[ ,i _h pass$ ! night4 ,once1 accord+ to my praisewor?y cu/om ( speak+ )\t ?\ght1 ,i repli$1 ,i did n "k1 :i* answ] naturally made !m conclude ,i 0 a fool3 b1 on que/ion+ me fur!r2 ! exam9ation turn$ out s f> to my advantage1 t ,i r rose 9 _! op9ion1 & ,i once he>d ,madam du ,colombi] say to h] fri5d1 ,he is amiable1 b n suffici5tly acqua9t$ ) ! _w4 ,^! words 7 a great enc\ragem5t1 & assi/$ me 9 r5d]+ myself agreeable4 ,z we became m famili>1 x 0 natural to give ea* o!r "s little acc\nt ( :5ce we came & :o we 73 ?is emb>rass$ me greatly1 = ,i 0 s5sible t 9 good company & among wom5 ( _s1 ! v "n ( a new conv]t w\ld utt]ly undo me4 ,i "k n by :at :imsicallity ,i resolv$ to pass = an ,engli%man2 h[ev]1 9 consequ5ce ( t det]m9ation ,i gave myself out = a ,jacobite1 & 0 readily believ$4 ,!y call$ me ,monsieur ,dudd+1 :i* 0 ! "n ,i assum$ ) my new "*1 & a curs$ ,m>quis ,torignan1 :o 0 "o ( ! company1 an invalid l myself1 & bo? old & ill --temp]$1 took x 9 8 head to beg9 a long conv]sation ) me4 ,he spoke ( ,k+ ,james1 ( ! ,pret5d]1 & ! old c\rt ( ,/4 ,g]ma9's2 ,i sat on ?orns ! :ole "t1 = ,i 0 totally unacqua9t$ ) all ^! except :at little ,i _h pick$ up 9 ! acc\nt ( ,e>l ,hamilton1 & f ! gazettes2 h[ev]1 ,i made su* =tunate use ( ! little ,i did "k z to extricate myself f ?is dilemma1 happy 9 n be+ que/ion$ on ! ,engli% language1 :i* ,i did n "k a s+le ^w (4 ,! company 7 all v agreeable2 we look$ =w>d to ! mom5t ( sep>ation ) regret1 & !re=e made snails' j\rneys4 ,we arriv$ "o ,sunday at ,/4 ,m>cele9's2 ,madam de ,l>nage w\ld g to mass2 ,i accompani$ h]1 & _h ne>ly ru9$ all my affairs1 = by my mode/ res]v$ c\nt5ance dur+ ! s]vice1 %e conclud$ me a bigot1 & conceiv$ a v indiff]5t op9ion ( me1 z ,i le>n$ f h] own acc\nt two days aft]4 ,x requir$ a great deal ( gallantry on my "p to efface ?is ill impression1 or r ,madam de ,l>nage 7:o 0 n easily di%e>t5$7 det]m9$ to risk ! fir/ advances1 & see h[ ,i %\ld behave4 ,%e made sev]al1 b f> f be+ presum+ on my figure1 ,i ?\ght %e 0 mak+ sport ( me3 full ( ?is ridicul\s idea !re 0 no folly ,i 0 n guilty (4 ,madam de ,l>nage p]si/$ 9 su* c>ess+ behavior1 t a mu* wis] man ?an myself c\ld h>dly h tak5 x s]i\sly4 ,! m obvi\s h] advances 71 ! m ,i 0 confirm$ 9 my mi/ake1 & :at increas$ my torm5t1 ,i f\nd ,i 0 really 9 love ) h]4 ,i frequ5tly said to myself1 & sometimes to h]1 sigh+1 ,ah6 :y is n all ?is real8 !n %\ld ,i be ! mo/ =tunate ( m54 ,i am incl9$ to ?9k my /upidity did b increase h] resolution1 & make h] det]m9$ to get ! bett] ( x4 ,we left ,madam du ,colombi] at ,romans2 aft] :i* ,madam de ,l>nage1 ! ,m>quis de ,torignan1 & myself cont9u$ our r\te sl[ly1 & 9 ! mo/ agreeable mann]4 ,! m>quis1 ?\gh indispos$1 & r ill-humor$1 0 an agreeable companion1 b 0 n be/ pleas$ at see+ ! lady be/[ all h] att5tions on me1 :ile he pass$ unreg>d$2 = ,madam de ,l>nage took s little c>e to conceal h] incl9ation1 t he p]ceiv$ x soon] ?an ,i did1 & 8 s>casms mu/ h giv5 me t confid5ce ,i c\ld n presume to take f ! k9dness ( ! lady1 if by a surmise1 :i* no "o b myself c\ld h blund]$ on1 ,i _h n imag9$ !y p]fectly und]/ood ea* o!r1 & 7 agre$ to turn my passion into ridicule4 ,?is fooli% idea complet$ my /upidity1 mak+ me act ! mo/ ridicul\s "p1 :ile1 _h ,i li/5$ to ! feel+s ( my he>t1 ,i might h be5 p]=m+ "o f> m brilliant4 ,i am a/oni%$ t ,madam de ,l>nage 0 n disgu/$ at my folly1 & did n disc>d me ) disda92 b %e pla9ly p]ceiv$ !re 0 m ba%fulness ?an indiff]5ce 9 my composition4 ,we arriv$ at ,val5ce to d9n]1 & accord+ to our usual cu/om pass$ ! rema9d] ( ! day !re4 ,we lodg$ out ( ! city1 at ! ,/4 ,james1 an inn ,i %all nev] =get4 ,aft] d9n]1 ,madam de ,l>nage propos$ a walk2 %e knew ! m>quis 0 no walk]1 consequ5tly1 ?is 0 an excell5t plan = a tete-a-tete1 :i* %e 0 pr$et]m9$ to make ! mo/ (4 ,:ile we 7 walk+ r\nd ! city by ! side ( ! moats1 ,i ent]$ on a long hi/ory ( my compla9t1 to :i* %e answ]$ 9 s t5d] an acc5t1 frequ5tly press+ my arm1 :i* %e held to h] he>t1 t x requir$ all my /upidity n to be conv9c$ ( ! s9c]ity ( h] atta*m5t4 ,i h already obs]v$ t %e 0 amiable2 love r5d]$ h] *>m+1 add+ all ! lovel9ess ( y\?3 & %e manag$ h] advances ) s mu* art1 t !y 7 suffici5t to h s$uc$ ! mo/ ins5sible3 ,i 01 !re=e1 9 v uneasy circum/ances1 & frequ5tly on ! po9t ( mak+ a decl>ation2 b ! dread ( (f5d+ h]1 & ! /ill great] ( be+ laugh$ at1 ridicul$1 made table-talk1 & complim5t$ on my ent]prise by ! satirical m>quis1 _h su* unconqu]able p[] ov] me1 t1 ?\gh a%am$ ( my ridicul\s ba%fulness1 ,i c\ld n take c\rage to surm\nt x4 ,i _h end$ ! hi/ory ( my compla9ts1 :i* ,i felt ! ridicul\sness ( at ?is "t2 & n kn[+ h[ to look1 or :at to say1 cont9u$ sil5t1 giv+ ! f9e/ opportunity 9 ! _w = t ridicule ,i s mu* dread$4 ,happily1 ,madam de ,l>nage took a m favorable resolution1 & sudd5ly int]rupt$ ?is sil5ce by ?r[+ h] arms r\nd my neck1 :ile1 at ! same in/ant1 h] lips spoke too pla9ly on m9e to be any long] misund]/ood4 ,?is 0 repos+ t confid5ce 9 me ! want ( :i* has almo/ always prev5t$ me f appe>+ myself3 = once ,i 0 at ease1 my he>t1 eyes & tongue1 spoke freely :at ,i felt2 nev] did ,i make bett] rep>ation = my mi/akes1 & if ?is little conque/ _h co/ ,madam de ,l>nage "s difficulties1 ,i h reason to believe %e did n regret !m4 ,0 ,i to live a hundr$ ye>s1 ,i %\ld nev] =get ?is *>m+ woman4 ,i say *>m+1 = ?\gh nei!r "y nor beautiful1 %e 0 nei!r old nor ugly1 hav+ no?+ 9 h] appe>ance t c\ld prev5t h] wit & accompli%m5ts f produc+ all _! effects4 ,x 0 possible to see h] )\t fall+ 9 love1 b ^? %e favor$ c\ld n fail to adore h]2 :i* proves1 9 my op9ion1 t %e 0 n g5]ally s prodigal ( h] favors4 ,x is true1 h] incl9ation = me 0 s sudd5 & lively1 t x sc>ce appe>s excusable2 ?\gh f ! %ort1 b *>m+ int]val ,i pass$ ) h]1 ,i h reason to ?9k h] he>t 0 m influ5c$ ?an h] passions4 ,our good intellig5ce did n escape ! p5etration ( ! m>quis2 n t he discont9u$ 8 usual raill]y2 on ! contr>y1 he treat$ me z a sigh+1 hopeless swa91 langui%+ "u ! rigors ( 8 mi/ress2 n a ^w1 smile1 or look escap$ him by :i* ,i c\ld imag9e he suspect$ my happ9ess2 & ,i %\ld h ?\ght him completely deceiv$1 _h n ,madam de ,l>nage1 :o 0 m cle>-sight$ ?an myself1 assur$ me ( ! contr>y2 b he 0 a well-br$ man1 & x 0 impossible to behave ) m att5tion or great] civility1 ?an he con/antly paid me 7not)/&+ 8 satirical sallies71 especially aft] my success1 :i*1 z he 0 unacqua9t$ ) my /upidity1 he p]haps gave me ! honor ( a*iev+4 ,x has already be5 se5 t he 0 mi/ak5 9 ?is p>ticul>2 b no matt]1 ,i pr(it$ by 8 error1 = be+ consci\s t ! laugh 0 on my side1 ,i took all 8 sallies 9 good "p1 & sometimes p>ri$ !m ) tol]able success2 =1 pr\d ( ! reputation ( wit :i* ,madam de ,l>nage _h ?\ght fit to discov] 9 me1 ,i no long] appe>$ ! same man4 ,we 7 bo? 9 a c\ntry & season ( pl5ty1 & _h ev]y:]e excell5t *e]1 ?anks to ! good c>es ( ! m>quis2 ?\gh ,i w\ld will+ly h rel9qui%$ ?is advantage to h be5 m satisfi$ ) ! situation ( our *amb]s2 b he always s5t 8 footman on to provide !m2 & :e!r ( 8 own accord1 or by ! ord] ( 8 ma/]1 ! rogue always took c>e t ! m>quis' *amb] %\ld be close by ,madam de ,l>nage's1 :ile m9e 0 at ! fur!r end ( ! h\se3 b t made no great diff]5ce1 or p]haps x r5d]$ our r5dezv\s ! m *>m+2 ?is happ9ess la/$ f\r or five days1 dur+ :i* "t ,i 0 intoxicat$ ) delight1 :i* ,i ta/$ pure & s]5e )\t any alloy2 an advantage ,i c\ld nev] boa/ be=e2 &1 ,i may add1 x is ow+ to ,madam de ,l>nage t ,i did n g out ( ! _w )\t hav+ ta/$ real pleasure4 ,if ! s5tim5t ,i felt = h] 0 n precisely love1 x 0 at lea/ a v t5d] return ( :at %e te/ifi$ = me2 our meet+s 7 s delightful1 t !y possess$ all ! sweets ( love2 )\t t k9d ( delirium :i* affects ! bra91 & ev5 t5ds to dim9i% our happ9ess4 ,i nev] exp]i5c$ true love b once 9 my life1 & t 0 n ) ,madam de ,l>nage1 nei!r did ,i feel t affection = h] :i* ,i _h be5 s5sible (1 & yet cont9u$ to possess1 = ,madam de ,w>r5s2 b = ?is v reason1 our tete-a-tetes 7 a hundr$ times m delightful4 ,:5 ) ,madam de ,w>r5s1 my felicity 0 always di/urb$ by a secret sadness1 a compunction ( he>t1 :i* ,i f\nd x impossible to surm\nt4 ,in/ead ( be+ delight$ at ! acquisition ( s mu* happ9ess1 ,i c\ld n help reproa*+ myself = contribut+ to r5d] h] ,i lov$ unwor?y3 on ! contr>y1 ) ,madam de ,lamage1 ,i 0 pr\d ( my happ9ess1 & gave 9 to x )\t repugnance1 :ile my triumph r$\bl$ e o!r *>m4 ,i d n recollect exactly :]e we quitt$ ! m>quis1 :o resid$ 9 ?is c\ntry1 b ,i "k we 7 alone on our arrival at ,montelim>1 :]e ,madam de ,l>nage made h] *amb]maid get into my *aise1 & accommodate me ) a seat 9 h]s4 ,x w easily be believ$1 t travell+ 9 ?is mann] 0 by no means displeas+ to me1 & t ,i %\ld be v mu* puzzl$ to give any acc\nt ( ! c\ntry we pass$ ?r\gh4 ,%e _h "s bus9ess at ,montelim>1 :i* deta9$ h] !re two or ?ree days2 dur+ ?is "t %e quitt$ me b "o qu>t] ( an h\r1 = a visit %e c\ld n avoid1 :i* emb>rass$ h] ) a numb] ( invitations %e _h no incl9ation to accept1 & !re=e excus$ h]self by plead+ "s indisposition2 ?\gh %e took c>e ?is %\ld n prev5t our walk+ toge!r e day1 9 ! mo/ *>m+ c\ntry1 & "u ! f9e/ sky imag9able4 ,oh6 ^! ?ree days6 :at reason h ,i to regret !m6 ,nev] did su* happ9ess return aga94 ,! am\rs ( a j\rney _c be v durable3 x 0 necess>y we %\ld "p1 & ,i mu/ confess x 0 almo/ "t2 n t ,i 0 we>y ( my happ9ess1 b ,i might z well h be54 ,we endeavor$ to com=t ea* o!r = ! pa9 ( p>t+1 by =m+ plans = our reunion2 & x 0 conclud$1 t aft] /ay+ five or six weeks at ,montpeli] 7:i* w\ld give ,madam de ,l>nage "t to prep>e = my reception 9 su* a mann] z to prev5t sc&al7 ,i %\ld return to ,sa9t-,&iol1 & sp5d ! w9t] "u h] direction4 ,%e gave me ample in/ruction on :at x 0 necess>y ,i %\ld "k1 on :at x w\ld be prop] to say2 & h[ ,i %\ld conduct myself4 ,%e spoke mu* & e>ne/ly on ! c>e ( my heal?1 conjur$ me to consult skilful physicians1 & be att5tive & exact 9 foll[+ _! prescriptions :atev] !y might happ5 to be4 ,i believe h] conc]n 0 s9c]e1 = %e lov$ me1 & gave pro(s ( h] affection less equivocal ?an ! prodigality ( h] favors2 = judg+ by my mode ( travell+1 t ,i 0 n 9 v afflu5t circum/ances 7?\gh n ri* h]self71 on our p>t+1 %e w\ld h _h me %>e ! cont5ts ( h] purse1 :i* %e _h br\ght pretty well furni%$ f ,gr5oble1 & x 0 ) great difficulty ,i c\ld make h] put up ) a d5ial4 ,9 a ^w1 we p>t$2 my he>t full ( h] idea1 & leav+ 9 h]s 7if ,i am n mi/ak57 a firm atta*m5t to me4 ,:ile pursu+ ! rema9d] ( my j\rney1 remembrance ran ov] ev]y?+ t _h pass$ f ! comm5cem5t ( x1 & ,i 0 well satisfi$ at f9d+ myself alone 9 a com=table *aise1 :]e ,i c\ld rum9ate at ease on ! pleasures ,i _h enjoy$1 & ^? :i* await$ my return4 ,i only ?\ght ( ,sa9t-,&iol2 ( ! life ,i 0 to lead !re2 ,i saw no?+ b ,madam de ,l>nage1 or :at relat$ to h]2 ! :ole univ]se besides 0 no?+ to me--ev5 ,madam de ,w>r5s 0 =gott56--,i set ab\t comb9+ all ! details by :i* ,madam de ,l>nage _h endeavor$ to give me 9 advance an idea ( h] h\se1 ( ! neighborhood1 ( h] connections1 & mann] ( life1 f9d+ ev]y?+ *>m+4 ,%e _h a daught]1 :om %e _h (t5 describ$ 9 ! w>me/ t]ms ( mat]nal affection3 ?is daught] 0 fifte5 lively1 *>m+1 & ( an amiable disposition4 ,madam de ,l>nage promis$ me h] fri5d%ip2 ,i _h n =gott5 t promise1 & 0 curi\s to "k h[ ,mademoiselle de ,l>nage w\ld treat h] "m's 'bon ami'4 ,^! 7 ! subjects ( my rev]ies f ! bridge ( ,/4 ,esprit to ,rem\l93 ,i _h be5 advis$ to visit ! ,pont-du-,g>d2 hi!rto ,i _h se5 none ( ! rema9+ monum5ts ( ,roman magnific5ce1 & ,i expect$ to f9d ?is wor?y ! h&s by :i* x 0 con/ruct$2 = once1 ! reality surpass$ my expectation2 ?is 0 ! only "t 9 my life x ev] did s1 & ! ,romans alone c\ld h produc$ t effect4 ,! view ( ?is noble & sublime "w1 /ruck me ! m =cibly1 f be+ 9 ! mid/ ( a des]t1 :]e sil5ce & solitude r5d] ! maje/ic edifice m /rik+1 & admiration m lively1 = ?\gh call$ a bridge x is no?+ m ?an an aqu$uct4 ,"o _c help exclaim+1 :at /r5g? c\ld h transport$ ^! enorm\s /ones s f> f any qu>ry8 ,& :at motive c\ld h unit$ ! labors ( s _m millions ( m51 9 a place t no "o inhabit$8 ,i rema9$ "h :ole h\rs1 9 ! mo/ ravi%+ contemplation1 & return$ p5sive & ?\ghtful to my inn4 ,?is rev]ie 0 by no means favorable to ,madam de ,l>nage2 %e _h tak5 c>e to =ew>n me aga9/ ! girls ( ,montpeli]1 b n aga9/ ! ,pont-du-,g>d--x is impossible to provide = e cont+5cy4 ,on my arrival at ,nismes1 ,i w5t to see ! amphi!atre1 :i* is a f> m magnific5t "w ?an ev5 ! ,pont-du-,g>d1 yet x made a mu* less impression on me1 p]haps1 because my admiration _h be5 already exhau/$ on ! =m] object2 or t ! situation ( ! latt]1 9 ! mid/ ( a city1 0 less prop] to excite x4 ,?is va/ & sup]b circus is surr\nd$ by small dirty h\ses1 :ile yet small] & dirti] fill up ! area1 9 su* a mann] t ! :ole produces an unequal & confus$ effect1 9 :i* regret & indignation /ifle pleasure & surprise4 ,! amphi!atre at ,v]ona is a va/ deal small]1 & less beautiful ?an t at ,nismes1 b pres]v$ ) all possible c>e & neatness1 by :i* means alone x made a mu* /rong] & m agreeable impression on me4 ,! ,fr5* pay no reg>d to ^! ?+s1 respect no monum5t ( antiquity2 ev] eag] to und]take1 !y nev] f9i%1 nor pres]ve any?+ t is already f9i%$ to _! h&s4 ,i 0 s mu* bett]1 & _h ga9$ su* an appetite by ex]cise1 t ,i /opp$ a :ole day at ,pont-du-,lunel1 = ! sake ( good ent]ta9m5t & company1 ?is be+ des]v$ly e/eem$ at t "t ! be/ inn 9 ,europe2 = ^? :o kept x1 kn[+ h[ to make its =tunate situation turn to advantage1 took c>e to provide bo? abundance & v>iety4 ,x 0 really curi\s to f9d 9 a lonely c\ntry-h\se1 a table e day furni%$ ) sea & fre%-wat] fi%1 excell5t game1 & *oice w9es1 s]v$ up ) all ! att5tion & c>e1 :i* are only to be expect$ among ! great or opul5t1 & all ?is = ?irty five s\s ea* p]son3 b ! ,pont-du-,lunel did n long rema9 on ?is foot+1 = ! proprietor1 presum+ too mu* on its reputation1 at l5g? lo/ x entirely4 ,dur+ ?is j\rney1 ,i really =got my compla9ts1 b recollect$ !m aga9 on my arrival at ,montpeli]4 ,my vapors 7 absolutely gone1 b e o!r compla9t rema9$1 & ?\gh cu/om _h r5d]$ !m less tr\blesome1 !y 7 /ill suffici5t to make any "o :o _h be5 sudd5ly seiz$ ) !m1 suppose himself attack$ by "s mortal disease4 ,9 effect !y 7 r al>m+ ?an pa9ful1 & made ! m9d suff] m ?an ! body1 ?\gh x app>5tly ?reat5$ ! latt] ) de/ruction4 ,:ile my att5tion 0 call$ (f by ! vivacity ( my passions1 ,i paid no att5tion to my heal?2 b z my compla9ts 7 n altoge!r imag9>y1 ,i ?\ght ( !m s]i\sly :5 ! tumult _h subsid$4 ,recollect+ ! salut>y advice ( ,madam de ,l>nage1 & ! cause ( my j\rney1 ,i consult$ ! mo/ fam\s practition]s1 p>ticul>ly ,monsieur ,fizes2 & ?r\gh sup]abundance ( precaution bo>d$ at a doctor's :o 0 an ,iri%man1 & nam$ ,fitz-,morris4 ,?is p]son bo>d$ a numb] ( "y g5tlem5 :o 7 /udy+ physic2 & :at r5d]$ 8 h\se v commodi\s = an invalid1 he cont5t$ himself ) a mod]ate p5sion = provisions1 lodg+1 etc41 & took no?+ ( 8 bo>d]s = att5dance z a physician4 ,he ev5 und]took to execute ! ord]s ( ,m4 ,fizes1 & endeavor$ to re-e/abli% my heal?4 ,he c]ta9ly acquitt$ himself v well 9 ?is employm5t2 z to regim51 indige/ions 7 n to be ga9$ at 8 table2 & ?\gh ,i am n mu* hurt at privations ( t k9d1 ! objects ( comp>ison 7 s ne>1 t ,i c\ld n help ?9k+ ) myself sometimes1 t ,m4 de ,torignan 0 a mu* bett] provid] ?an ,m4 ,fitz-,morris2 not)/&+1 z !re 0 no dang] (1 dy+ ) hung]1 & all ! y\?s 7 gay & good-humor$1 ,i believe ?is mann] ( liv+ 0 really s]viceable1 & prev5t$ my fall+ into ^? languors ,i _h latt]ly be5 s subject to4 ,i pass$ ! morn+ 9 tak+ m$ic9es1 p>ticul>ly1 ,i "k n :at k9d ( wat]s1 b believe !y 7 ^? ( ,vals1 & 9 writ+ to ,madam de ,l>nage3 = ! correspond5ce 0 regul>ly kept up1 & ,r\sseau k9dly und]took to receive ^! lett]s = 8 good fri5d ,dudd+4 ,at noon ,i took a walk to ! ,can\rgue1 ) "s ( our "y bo>d]s1 :o 7 all v good lads2 aft] ?is we assembl$ = d9n]2 :5 ?is 0 ov]1 an affair ( importance employ$ ! great] "p ( u till night2 ?is 0 go+ a little way out ( t[n to take our aft]noon's collation1 & make up two or ?ree p>ties at mall1 or mallet4 ,z ,i _h nei!r /r5g? nor skill1 ,i did n play myself b ,i bett$ on ! game1 &1 int]e/$ = ! success ( my wag]1 foll[$ ! play]s & _! balls ov] r\gh & /ony roads1 procur+ by ?is means bo? an agreeable & salut>y ex]cise4 ,we took our aft]noon's refre%m5t at an inn out ( ! city4 ,i ne$ n obs]ve t ^! meet+s 7 extremely m]ry1 b %\ld n omit t !y 7 equally innoc5t1 ?\gh ! girls ( ! h\se 7 v pretty4 ,m4 ,fitz-,morris 7:o 0 a great mall play] himself7 0 our presid5t2 & ,i mu/ obs]ve1 not)/&+ ! imputation ( wildness t is g5]ally be/[$ on /ud5ts1 t ,i f\nd m virtu\s dispositions among ^! y\?s ?an c\ld easily be f\nd among an equal numb] ( m53 !y 7 r noisy ?an fond ( w9e1 & m m]ry ?an lib]t9e4 ,i accu/om$ myself s mu* to ?is mode ( life1 & x accord$ s entirely ) my humor1 t ,i %\ld h be5 v well cont5t ) a cont9uance ( x4 ,sev]al ( my fell[-bo>d]s 7 ,iri%1 f :om ,i endeavor$ to le>n "s ,engli% words1 z a precaution = ,sa9t-,&iol4 ,! "t n[ drew ne> = my dep>ture2 e lett] ,madam de ,l>nage wrote1 %e entreat$ me n to delay x1 & at l5g? ,i prep>$ to obey h]4 ,i 0 conv9c$ t ! physicians 7:o und]/ood no?+ ( my disord]7 look$ on my compla9t z imag9>y1 & treat$ me accord+ly1 ) _! wat]s & :ey4 ,9 ?is respect physicians & philosoph]s diff] widely f !ologians2 admitt+ ! tru? only ( :at !y c expla91 & mak+ _! k ! measure ( possibilities4 ,^! g5tlem5 und]/ood no?+ ( my illness1 !re=e conclud$ ,i c\ld n be ill2 & :o w\ld presume to d\bt ! pr(\nd skill ( a physician8 ,i pla9ly saw !y only meant to amuse1 & make me swall[ my money2 & judg+ _! sub/itute at ,sa9t-,&iol w\ld d me q z mu* s]vice1 & be inf9itely m agreeable1 ,i resolv$ to give h] ! pref]5ce2 full1 !re=e1 ( ?is wise resolution1 ,i quitt$ ,montpeli]4 ,i set (f t[>ds ! end ( ,novemb]1 aft] a /ay ( six weeks or two mon?s 9 t city1 :]e ,i left a doz5 l\is1 )\t ei!r my heal? or und]/&+ be+ ! bett] = x1 except f a %ort c\rse ( anatomy begun "u ,m4 ,fitz-,morris1 :i* ,i 0 soon oblig$ to ab&on1 f ! horrid /5* ( ! bodies he dissect$1 :i* ,i f\nd x impossible to endure4 ,n ?or\ghly satisfi$ 9 my own m9d on ! rectitude ( ?is exp$ition1 z ,i advanc$ t[>ds ! ,bridge ( ,/4 ,esprit 7:i* 0 equally ! road to ,sa9t-,&iol & to ,*amb]y7 ,i began to reflect on ,madam de ,w>r5s1 ! remembrance ( ^: lett]s1 ?\gh less frequ5t ?an ^? f ,madam de ,l>nage1 awak5$ 9 my he>t a remorse t passion _h /ifl$ 9 ! fir/ "p ( my j\rney1 b :i* became s lively on my return1 t1 sett+ j e/imate on ! love ( pleasure1 ,i f\nd myself 9 su* a situation ( m9d t ,i c\ld li/5 :olly to ! voice ( reason4 ,besides1 9 cont9u+ to act ! "p ( an adv5tur]1 ,i might be less =tunate ?an ,i _h be5 9 ! beg9n+2 = x 0 only necess>y t 9 all ,sa9t-,&iol !re %\ld be "o p]son :o _h be5 9 ,engl&1 or :o knew ! ,engli% or any?+ ( _! language1 to prove me an impo/or4 ,! family ( ,madam de ,l>nage might n be pleas$ ) me1 & w\ld1 p]haps1 treat me unpolitely2 h] daught] too made me uneasy1 =1 spite ( myself1 ,i ?\ght m ( h] ?an 0 necess>y4 ,i trembl$ le/ ,i %\ld fall 9 love ) ?is girl1 & t v fe> _h already half done ! bus9ess4 ,0 ,i go+1 9 return = ! "m's k9dness1 to seek ! ru9 ( ! daught]8 ,to s[ diss5sion1 di%onor1 sc&al1 & hell itself1 9 h] family8 ,! v idea /ruck me ) horror1 & ,i took ! firme/ resolution to combat & vanqui% ?is unhappy atta*m5t1 %\ld ,i be s un=tunate z to exp]i5ce x4 ,b :y expose myself to ?is dang]8 ,h[ mis]able mu/ ! situation be to live ) ! "m1 :om ,i %\ld be we>y (1 & sigh = ! daught]1 )\t d>+ to make kn[n my affection6 ,:at necessity 0 !re to seek ?is situation1 & expose myself to mis=tunes1 affronts & remorse1 = ! sake ( pleasures ^: greate/ *>m 0 already exhau/$8 ,= ,i 0 s5sible ?is atta*m5t _h lo/ its fir/ vivacity4 ,) ^! ?\ghts 7 m+l$ reflections relative to my situation & duty to t good & g5]\s fri5d1 :o already load$ ) debts1 w\ld become m s f ! fooli% exp5ses ,i 0 runn+ into1 & :om ,i 0 deceiv+ s unwor?ily4 ,?is reproa* at l5g? became s ke5 t x triumph$ ov] e temptation1 & on approa*+ ! bridge ( ,/4 ,esprit ,i =m$ ! resolution to burn my :ole magaz9e ( lett]s f ,sa9t-,&iol1 & cont9ue my j\rney "r =w>d to ,*amb]y4 ,i execut$ ?is resolution c\rage\sly1 ) "s sighs ,i confess1 b ) ! he>t-felt satisfaction1 :i* ,i enjoy$ = ! fir/ "t 9 my life1 ( say+1 ,i m]it my own e/eem1 & "k h[ to pref] duty to pleasure4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ real obligation ,i ow$ my books1 s9ce ^! _h taught me to reflect & comp>e4 ,aft] ! virtu\s pr9ciples ,i _h s lately adopt$1 aft] all ! rules ( wisdom & honor ,i _h propos$ to myself1 & felt s pr\d to foll[1 ! %ame ( possess+ s little /ability1 & contradict+ s egregi\sly my own maxims1 triumph$ ov] ! allurem5ts ( pleasure4 ,p]haps1 aft] all1 pride _h z mu* %>e 9 my resolution z virtue2 b if ?is pride is n virtue itself1 its effects are s simil> t we are p>donable 9 deceiv+ ourselves4 ,"o advantage result+ f good actions is t !y elevate ! s\l to a disposition ( attempt+ /ill bett]2 = su* is human weakness1 t we mu/ place among our good de$s an ab/95ce f ^? crimes we are tempt$ to commit4 ,no soon] 0 my resolution confirm$ ?an ,i became ano!r man1 or r1 ,i became :at ,i 0 be=e ,i _h err$1 & saw 9 its true colors :at ! intoxication ( ! mom5t _h ei!r conceal$ or disguis$4 ,full ( wor?y s5tim5ts & wise resolutions1 ,i cont9u$ my j\rney1 int5d+ to regulate my future conduct by ! laws ( virtue1 & d$icate myself )\t res]ve to t be/ ( fri5ds1 to :om ,i v[$ z mu* fidelity 9 future z ,i felt real atta*m5t4 ,! s9c]ity ( ?is return to virtue appe>$ to promise a bett] de/9y2 b m9e1 alas6 0 fix$1 & already begun3 ev5 at ! v mom5t :5 my he>t1 full ( good & virtu\s s5tim5ts1 0 contemplat+ only innoc5ce & happ9ess ?r\gh life1 ,i t\*$ on ! fatal p]iod t 0 to draw aft] x ! long *a9 ( my mis=tunes6 ,my impati5ce to arrive at ,*amb]y _h made me use m dilig5ce ?an ,i meant to d4 ,i _h s5t a lett] f ,val5ce1 m5tion+ ! day & h\r ,i %\ld arrive1 b ,i _h ga9$ half a day on ?is calculation1 :i* "t ,i pass$ at ,*ap>illan1 t ,i might arrive exactly at ! "t ,i m5tion$4 ,i wi%$ to enjoy to its full ext5t ! pleasure ( see+ h]1 & pref]r$ def]r+ ?is happ9ess a little1 t expectancy might increase ! value ( x4 ,?is precaution _h always succe$$2 hi!rto my arrival _h caus$ a little holiday2 ,i expect$ no less ?is "t1 & ^! prep>ations1 s de> to me1 w\ld h be5 well wor? ! tr\ble ( contriv+ !m4 ,i arriv$ !n exactly at ! h\r1 & :ile at a consid]able di/ance1 look$ =w>d ) an expectancy ( see+ h] on ! road to meet me4 ,! beat+ ( my he>t increas$ z ,i drew ne> ! h\se2 at l5g? ,i arriv$1 q out ( brea?2 = ,i _h left my *aise 9 ! t[n4 ,i see no "o 9 ! g>d51 at ! door1 or at ! w9d[s2 ,i am seiz$ ) t]ror1 fe>ful t "s accid5t has happ5$4 ,i ent]2 all is quiet2 ! labor]s are eat+ _! lun*eon 9 ! kit*51 & f> f obs]v+ any prep>ation1 ! s]vants seem surpris$ to see me1 n kn[+ ,i 0 expect$4 ,i g up--/airs1 at l5g? see h]6--t de> fri5d6 s t5d]ly1 truly1 & entirely belov$4 ,i in/antly ran t[>ds h]1 & ?rew myself at h] feet4 ,ah6 *ild6 said %e1 art ?\ return$ !n6 embrac+ me at ! same "t4 ,h y _h a good j\rney8 ,h[ d y d8 ,?is reception amus$ me = "s mom5ts4 ,i !n ask$1 :e!r %e _h receiv$ my lett]8 %e answ]$ ,yes4--,i %\ld h ?\ght n1 repli$ ,i2 & ! in=mation conclud$ !re4 ,a "y man 0 ) h] at ?is "t4 ,i recollect$ hav+ se5 him 9 ! h\se be=e my dep>ture1 b at pres5t he seem$ e/abli%$ !re2 9 %ort1 he 0 s2 ,i f\nd my place already suppli$6 ,?is "y man came f ! c\ntry ( ,vaud2 8 fa!r1 nam$ ,v9tz5ri$1 0 keep] ( ! prison1 or1 z he express$ himself1 ,capta9 ( ! ,ca/le ( ,*illon4 ,?is son ( ! capta9 0 a j\rneyman p]uke-mak]1 & ga9$ 8 liv+ 9 t capacity :5 he fir/ pres5t$ himself to ,madam de ,w>r5s1 :o receiv$ him k9dly1 z %e did all com]s1 p>ticul>ly ^? f h] own c\ntry4 ,he 0 a tall1 fair1 silly y\?2 well en\gh made1 ) an unmean+ face1 & a m9d ( ! same description1 speak+ always l ! beau 9 a com$y1 & m+l+ ! mann]s & cu/oms ( 8 =m] situation ) a long hi/ory ( 8 gallantry & success2 nam+1 accord+ to 8 acc\nt1 n above half ! m>*ionesses :o _h favor$ him & pret5d+ nev] to h dress$ ! head ( a pretty woman1 )\t hav+ likewise decorat$ h] husb&'s2 va91 fooli%1 ignorant & insol5t2 su* 0 ! wor?y sub/itute tak5 9 my abs5ce1 & ! companion (f]$ me on my return6 ,o6 if s\ls dis5gag$ f _! t]re/rial bonds1 yet view f ! bosom ( et]nal light :at passes "h bel[1 p>don1 de> & respectable %ade1 t ,i %[ no m favor to y\r fail+s ?an my own1 b equally unveil bo?4 ,i ought & w be j to y z to myself2 b h[ mu* less w y lose by ?is resolution ?an ,i %all6 ,h[ mu* d y\r amiable & g5tle disposition1 y\r inexhau/ible goodness ( he>t1 y\r frankness & o!r amiable virtues1 comp5sate = y\r foibles1 if a subv]sion ( reason alone c be call$ su*4 ,y _h errors1 b n vices2 y\r conduct 0 repreh5sible1 b y\r he>t 0 ev] pure4 ,! new-com] _h %[n himself zeal\s & exact 9 all h] little commissions1 :i* 7 ev] num]\s1 & he dilig5tly ov]look$ ! labor]s4 ,z noisy & insol5t z ,i 0 quiet & =be>+1 he 0 se5 or r he>d at ! pl\gh1 9 ! hay-l(t1 wood-h\se1 /able1 f>m-y>d1 at ! same in/ant4 ,he neglect$ ! g>d5+1 ?is labor be+ too peaceful & mod]ate2 8 *ief pleasure 0 to load or drive ! c>t1 to saw or cleave wood2 he 0 nev] se5 )\t a hat*et or pick-axe 9 8 h&1 runn+1 knock+ & halloo+ ) all 8 might4 ,i "k n h[ _m m5's labor he p]=m$1 b he c]ta9ly made noise en\gh = t5 or a doz5 at lea/4 ,all ?is bu/le impos$ on poor ,madam de ,w>r5s2 %e ?\ght ?is "y man a treasure1 &1 will+ to atta* him to h]self1 employ$ ! means %e imag9$ necess>y = t purpose1 n =gett+ :at %e mo/ dep5d$ on1 ! surr5d] ( h] p]son4 ,^? :o h ?us f> read ?is "w %\ld be able to =m "s judgm5t ( my he>t2 its s5tim5ts 7 ! mo/ con/ant & s9c]e1 p>ticul>ly ^? :i* _h br\ght me back to ,*amb]y2 :at a sudd5 & complete ov]?r[ 0 ?is to my :ole be+6 b to judge fully ( ?is1 ! read] mu/ place himself = a mom5t 9 my situation4 ,i saw all ! future felicity ,i _h promis$ myself vani% 9 a mom5t2 all ! *>m+ ideas ,i _h indulg$ s affectionately1 disappe> entirely2 & ,i1 :o ev5 f *ildhood _h n be5 able to consid] my exi/5ce = a mom5t z sep>ate f h]s1 = ! fir/ "t saw myself utt]ly alone4 ,?is mom5t 0 dreadful1 & ^? t succe$$ x 7 ev] gloomy4 ,i 0 yet "y1 b ! pleas+ s5tim5ts ( enjoym5t & hope1 :i* enliv5 y\?1 7 ext+ui%$4 ,f t h\r my exi/5ce seem$ half annihilat$4 ,i contemplat$ 9 advance ! melan*oly rema9s ( an insipid life1 & if at any "t an image ( happ9ess glanc$ ?r\gh my m9d1 x 0 n t :i* appe>$ natural to me1 & ,i felt t ev5 %\ld ,i obta9 x ,i mu/ /ill be wret*$4 ,i 0 s dull ( appreh5sion1 & my confid5ce 9 h] 0 s great1 t1 not)/&+ ! famili> tone ( ! new-com]1 :i* ,i look$ on z an effect ( ! easy disposition ( ,madam de ,w>r5s1 :i* r5d]$ h] free ) ev]yone1 ,i nev] %\ld h suspect$ 8 real situation _h n %e h]self in=m$ me ( x2 b %e ha/5$ to make ?is av[al ) a fre$om calculat$ to inflame me ) res5tm5t1 c\ld my he>t h turn$ to t po9t4 ,speak+ ( ?is connection z q immat]ial ) respect to h]self1 %e reproa*$ me ) neglig5ce 9 ! c>e ( ! family1 & m5tion$ my frequ5t abs5ce1 z ?\gh %e _h be5 9 ha/e to supply my place4 ,ah6 said ,i1 my he>t bur/+ ) ! mo/ poignant grief1 :at d y d>e to in=m me (8 ,is ?is ! rew>d ( an atta*m5t l m9e8 ,h y s _m times pres]v$ my life1 = ! sole purpose ( tak+ f me all t c\ld r5d] x desirable8 ,y\r infidelity w br+ me to ! grave1 b y w regret my loss6 ,%e answ]$ ) a tranquillity suffici5t to di/ract me1 t ,i talk$ l a *ild2 t p did n die f su* slight causes2 t our fri5d%ip ne$ be no less s9c]e1 nor we any less intimate1 = t h] t5d] atta*m5t to me c\ld nei!r dim9i% nor end b ) h]self2 9 a ^w %e gave me to und]/& t my happ9ess ne$ n suff] any decrease f ! good =tune ( ?is new favorite4 ,nev] did ! purity1 tru? & =ce ( my atta*m5t to h] appe> m evid5t2 nev] did ,i feel ! s9c]ity & hone/y ( my s\l m =cibly1 ?an at t mom5t4 ,i ?rew myself at h] feet1 embrac+ h] knees ) torr5ts ( te>s4 ,no1 madam1 repli$ ,i1 ) ! mo/ viol5t agitation1 ,i love y too mu* to disgrace y ?us f>1 & too truly to %>e y2 ! regret t accompani$ ! fir/ acquisition ( y\r favors has cont9u$ to increase ) my affection4 ,i _c pres]ve !m by s viol5t an augm5tation ( x4 ,y %all ev] h my adoration3 be wor?y ( x2 to me t is m necess>y ?an all y c be/[4 ,x is to y1 ,o my de>e/ fri5d6 t ,i resign my rights2 x is to ! union ( our he>ts t ,i sacrifice my pleasure2 r w\ld ,i p]i% a ?\s& times ?an ?us degrade h] ,i love4 ,i pres]v$ ?is resolution ) a con/ancy wor?y1 ,i may say1 ( ! s5tim5t t gave x bir?4 ,f ?is mom5t ,i saw ?is belov$ woman b ) ! eyes ( a real son4 ,x %\ld be rem>k$ "h1 t ?is resolve did n meet h] private approbation1 z ,i too well p]ceiv$2 yet %e nev] employ$ ! lea/ art to make me r5\nce x ei!r by ins9uat+ proposals1 c>esses1 or any ( ^? means :i* wom5 s well "k h[ to employ )\t expos+ !mselves to viol5t c5sure1 & :i* seldom fail to succe$4 ,r$uc$ to seek a fate indep5d5t ( h]s1 & n able to devise "o1 ,i pass$ to ! o!r extreme1 plac+ my happ9ess s absolutely 9 h]1 t ,i became almo/ reg>dless ( myself4 ,! ard5t desire to see h] happy1 at any rate1 absorb$ all my affections2 x 0 9 va9 %e endeavor$ to sep>ate h] felicity f m9e1 ,i felt ,i _h a "p 9 x1 spite ( e imp$im5t4 ,?us ^? virtues ^: se$s 9 my he>t begun to spr+ up ) my mis=tunes3 !y _h be5 cultivat$ by /udy1 & only wait$ ! f]m5tation ( adv]sity to become prolific4 ,! fir/-fruit ( ?is dis9t]e/$ disposition 0 to put f my he>t e s5tim5t ( hatr$ & envy aga9/ him :o _h supplant$ me4 ,i ev5 s9c]ely wi%$ to atta* myself to ?is "y man2 to =m & educate him2 to make him s5sible ( 8 happ9ess1 &1 if possible1 r5d] him wor?y ( x2 9 a ^w1 to d = him :at ,anet _h =m]ly done = me4 ,b ! simil>ity ( dispositions 0 want+4 ,m ins9uat+ & enlight5$ ?an ,anet1 ,i possess$ nei!r 8 coolness1 =titude1 nor comm&+ /r5g? ( "*1 :i* ,i mu/ h _h 9 ord] to succe$4 ,nei!r did ! "y man possess ^? qualities :i* ,anet f\nd 9 me2 su* z g5tl5ess1 gratitude1 & above all1 ! k ( a want ( 8 in/ructions1 & an ard5t desire to r5d] !m useful4 ,all ^! 7 want+2 ! p]son ,i wi%$ to improve1 saw 9 me no?+ b an importunate1 *att]+ p$ant3 :ile on ! contr>y he admir$ 8 own importance 9 ! h\se1 measur+ ! s]vices he ?\ght he r5d]$ by ! noise he made1 & look+ on 8 saws1 hat*ets1 & pick-axes1 z inf9itely m useful ?an all my old books3 &1 p]haps1 9 ?is p>ticul>1 he might n be altoge!r blamable2 b he gave himself a numb] ( airs suffici5t to make anyone die ) laught]4 ,) ! peasants he assum$ ! airs ( a c\ntry g5tleman2 pres5tly he did z mu* ) me1 & at l5g? ) ,madam de ,w>r5s h]self4 ,8 "n1 ,v9tz5ri$1 did n appe> noble en\gh1 he !re=e *ang$ x to t ( ,monsieur de ,c\rtilles1 & by ! latt] appellation he 0 kn[n at ,*amb]y1 & 9 ,mauri5ne1 :]e he m>ri$4 ,at l5g? ?is illu/ri\s p]sonage gave himself su* airs ( consequ5ce1 t he 0 ev]y?+ 9 ! h\se1 & myself no?+4 ,:5 ,i _h ! mis=tune to displease him1 he scold$ ,madam de ,w>r5s1 & a fe> ( expos+ h] to 8 brutality r5d]$ me subs]vi5t to all 8 :ims1 s t e "t he cleav$ wood 7an (fice :i* he p]=m$ ) s+ul> pride7 x 0 necess>y ,i %\ld be an idle spectator & admir] ( 8 pr[ess4 ,?is lad 0 n1 h[ev]1 ( a bad disposition2 he lov$ ,madam de ,w>r5s1 inde$ x 0 impossible to d o!rwise2 nor _h he any av]sion ev5 to me1 & :5 he happ5$ to be out ( 8 airs w\ld li/5 to our admonitions1 & frankly own he 0 a fool2 yet not)/&+ ^! ackn[l$gem5ts 8 follies cont9u$ 9 ! same proportion4 ,8 k 0 s contract$1 & 8 incl9ations s mean1 t x 0 useless to reason1 & almo/ impossible to be pleas$ ) him4 ,n cont5t ) a mo/ *>m+ woman1 he amus$ himself ) an old r$-hair$1 too?less wait+-maid1 ^: unwelcome s]vice ,madam de ,w>r5s _h ! pati5ce to endure1 ?\gh x 0 absolutely disgu/+4 ,i soon p]ceiv$ ?is new incl9ation1 & 0 exasp]at$ at x2 b ,i saw some?+ else1 :i* affect$ me yet m1 & made a deep] impression on me ?an any?+ _h hi!rto done2 ?is 0 a visible coldness 9 ! behavior ( ,madam de ,w>r5s t[>ds me4 ,! privation ,i _h impos$ on myself1 & :i* %e affect$ to approve1 is "o ( ^? affronts :i* wom5 sc>cely ev] =give4 ,take ! mo/ s5sible2 ! mo/ philosophic female1 "o ! lea/ atta*$ to pleasure1 & slight+ h] favors1 if )9 y\r rea*1 w be f\nd ! mo/ unp>donable crime1 ev5 ?\gh %e may c>e no?+ = ! man4 ,?is rule is c]ta9ly )\t exception2 s9ce a sympa?y s natural & ard5t 0 impair$ 9 h]1 by an ab/95ce f\nd$ only on virtue1 atta*m5t & e/eem1 ,i no long] f\nd ) h] t union ( he>ts :i* con/itut$ all ! happ9ess ( m9e2 %e seldom s\ght me b :5 we _h occasion to compla9 ( ?is new-com]1 = :5 !y 7 agre$1 ,i enjoy$ b little ( h] confid5ce1 &1 at l5g?1 0 sc>cely ev] consult$ 9 h] affairs4 ,%e seem$ pleas$1 inde$1 ) my company1 b _h ,i pass$ :ole days )\t see+ h] %e w\ld h>dly h miss$ me4 ,ins5sibly1 ,i f\nd myself desolate & alone 9 t h\se :]e ,i _h =m]ly be5 ! v s\l2 :]e1 if ,i may s express myself1 ,i _h enjoy$ a d\ble life1 & by degrees1 ,i accu/om$ myself to disreg>d ev]y?+ t1 pass$1 & ev5 ^? :o dwelt !re4 ,to avoid cont9ual mortifications1 ,i %ut myself up ) my books1 or else wept & sigh$ unnotic$ 9 ! woods4 ,?is life soon became insupportable2 ,i felt t ! pres5ce ( a woman s de> to me1 :ile e/rang$ f h] he>t1 increas$ my unhapp9ess1 & 0 p]suad$1 t1 ceas+ to see h]1 ,i %\ld feel myself less cruelly sep>at$4 ,i resolv$1 !re=e1 to quit ! h\se1 m5tion$ x to h]1 & %e1 f> f oppos+ my resolution1 approv$ x4 ,%e _h an acqua9tance at ,gr5oble1 call$ ,madam de ,deyb5s1 ^: husb& 0 on t]ms ( fri5d%ip ) ,monsieur ,malby1 *ief ,provo/ ( ,lyons4 ,m4 ,deyb5s propos$ my educat+ ,m4 ,malby's *ildr52 ,i accept$ ?is (f]1 & dep>t$ = ,lyons )\t caus+1 & almo/ )\t feel+1 ! lea/ regret at a sep>ation1 ! b>e idea ( :i*1 a few mon?s be=e1 w\ld h giv5 u bo? ! mo/ excruciat+ torm5ts4 ,i _h almo/ z mu* k z 0 necess>y = a tutor1 & flatt]$ myself t my me?od w\ld be unexceptionable2 b ! ye> ,i pass$ at ,m4 ,malby's 0 suffici5t to undeceive me 9 t p>ticul>4 ,! natural g5tl5ess ( my disposition seem$ calculat$ = ! employm5t1 if ha/9ess _h n be5 m+l$ ) x4 ,:ile ?+s w5t favorably1 & ,i saw ! pa9s 7:i* ,i did n sp>e7 succe$1 ,i 0 an angel2 b a devil :5 !y w5t contr>y4 ,if my pupils did n und]/& me1 ,i 0 ha/y1 & :5 !y %[$ any symptoms ( an unt[>d disposition1 ,i 0 s provok$ t ,i c\ld h kill$ !m2 :i* behavior 0 n likely to r5d] !m ei!r good or wise4 ,i _h two "u my c>e1 & !y 7 ( v diff]5t temp]s4 ,/4 ,m>ie1 :o 0 betwe5 eight & n9e ye>s old1 _h a good p]son & quick appreh5sion1 0 giddy1 lively1 playful & mis*iev\s2 b 8 mis*ief 0 ev] good-humor$4 ,! y\ng] "o1 nam$ ,condillac1 appe>$ /upid & fretful1 0 head/rong z a mule1 & seem$ incapable ( in/ruction4 ,x may be suppos$ t betwe5 bo? ,i did n want employm5t1 yet ) pati5ce & temp] ,i might h succe$$2 b want+ bo?1 ,i did no?+ wor? m5tion+1 & my pupils pr(it$ v little4 ,i c\ld only make use ( ?ree means1 :i* are v weak1 & (t5 p]nici\s ) *ildr52 namely1 s5tim5t1 reason+1 passion4 ,i sometimes ex]t$ myself s mu* ) ,/4 ,m>ie1 t ,i c\ld n refra9 f te>s1 & wi%$ to excite simil> s5sations 9 him2 z if x 0 reasonable to suppose a *ild c\ld be susceptible to su* emotions4 ,sometimes ,i exhau/$ myself 9 reason+1 z if p]suad$ he c\ld compreh5d me2 & z he frequ5tly =m$ v subtle argum5ts1 conclud$ he mu/ be reasonable1 because he bid fair to be s good a logician4 ,! little ,condillac 0 /ill m emb>rass+2 = he nei!r und]/ood1 answ]$1 nor 0 conc]n$ at any?+2 he 0 ( an ob/9acy beyond belief1 & 0 nev] happi] ?an :5 he _h succe$$ 9 putt+ me 9 a rage2 !n1 inde$1 he 0 ! philosoph]1 & ,i ! *ild4 ,i 0 consci\s ( all my faults1 /udi$ ! temp]s ( my pupils1 & became acqua9t$ ) !m2 b :]e 0 ! use ( see+ ! evil1 )\t be+ able to apply a rem$y8 ,my p5etration 0 unavail+1 s9ce x nev] prev5t$ any mis*ief2 & ev]y?+ ,i und]took fail$1 because all ,i did to effect my designs 0 precisely :at ,i ought n to h done4 ,i 0 n m =tunate 9 :at _h only ref]5ce to myself1 ?an 9 :at conc]n$ my pupils4 ,madam ,deyb5s1 9 recomm5d+ me to h] fri5d ,madam de ,malby1 _h reque/$ h] to =m my mann]s1 & endeavor to give me an air ( ! _w4 ,%e took "s pa9s on ?is acc\nt1 wi%+ to tea* me h[ to d ! honors ( ! h\se2 b ,i 0 s awkw>d1 ba%ful1 & /upid1 t %e f\nd x necess>y to /op !re4 ,?is1 h[ev]1 did n prev5t me f fall+ 9 love ) h]1 accord+ to my usual cu/om2 ,i ev5 behav$ 9 su* a mann]1 t %e c\ld n avoid obs]v+ x2 b ,i nev] dur/ decl>e my passion2 & z ! lady nev] seem$ 9 a humor to make advances1 ,i soon became we>y ( my sighs & ogl+1 be+ conv9c$ !y answ]$ no mann] ( purpose4 ,i _h q lo/ my incl9ation = little ?iev]ies :ile ) ,madam de ,w>r5s2 inde$1 z ev]y?+ belong$ to me1 !re 0 no?+ to /eal2 besides1 ! elevat$ notions ,i _h imbib$ ought to h r5d]$ me 9 future above su* meanness1 & g5]ally speak+ !y c]ta9ly did s2 b ?is r proce$$ f my hav+ le>n$ to conqu] temptations1 ?an hav+ succe$$ 9 root+ out ! prop5sity1 & ,i %\ld ev5 n[ greatly dread /eal+1 z 9 my infancy1 7 ,i yet subject to ! same incl9ations4 ,i _h a pro( ( ?is at ,m4 ,malby's1 :51 ?\gh surr\nd$ by a numb] ( little ?+s t ,i c\ld easily h pilf]$1 & :i* appe>$ no temptation1 ,i took x into my head to cov]t "s :ite ,arbois w9e1 "s glasses ( :i* ,i _h drank at table1 & ?\ght delici\s4 ,x happ5$ to be r ?ick1 & z ,i fanci$ myself an excell5t f9] ( w9e1 ,i m5tion$ my skill1 & ?is 0 accord+ly tru/$ to my c>e1 b 9 attempt+ to m5d1 ,i spoil$ x1 ?\gh to ! sight only1 = x rema9$ equally agreeable to ! ta/e4 ,pr(it+ by ?is opportunity1 ,i furni%$ myself f "t to "t ) a few bottles to dr9k 9 my own ap>tm5t2 b unluckily1 ,i c\ld nev] dr9k )\t eat+2 ! difficulty lay !re=e1 9 procur+ bread4 ,x 0 impossible to make a res]ve ( ?is article1 & to h x br\ght by ! footman 0 discov]+ myself1 & insult+ ! ma/] ( ! h\se2 ,i c\ld n be> to pur*ase x myself2 h[ c\ld a f9e g5tleman1 ) a sword at 8 side1 ent] a bak]'s %op to buy a small loaf ( bread8 x 0 utt]ly impossible4 ,at l5g? ,i recollect$ ! ?\ghtless say+ ( a great pr9cess1 :o1 on be+ in=m$ t ! c\ntry p _h no bread1 repli$1 ,!n let !m eat pa/ry6 ,yet ev5 ?is res\rce 0 att5d$ ) a difficulty4 ,i sometimes w5t out alone = ?is v purpose1 runn+ ov] ! :ole city1 & pass+ ?irty pa/ry cook's %ops1 )\t d>+ to ent] any "o ( !m4 ,9 ! fir/ place1 x 0 necess>y !re %\ld be only "o p]son 9 ! %op1 & t p]son's physiognomy mu/ be s enc\rag+ z to give me confid5ce to pass ! ?re%old2 b :5 once ! de> little cake 0 procur$1 & ,i %ut up 9 my *amb] ) t & a bottle ( w9e1 tak5 cauti\sly f ! bottom ( a cupbo>d1 h[ mu* did ,i enjoy dr9k+ my w9e1 & read+ a few pages ( a novel2 = :5 ,i h no company ,i always wi% to read :ile eat+2 x seems a sub/itute = society1 & ,i dispat* alt]nately a page & a morsel2 'tis inde$1 z if my book d9$ ) me4 ,i 0 nei!r dissolute nor sotti%1 nev] 9 my :ole life hav+ be5 intoxicat$ ) liquor2 my little !fts 7 n v indiscreet1 yet !y 7 discov]$2 ! bottles betray$ me1 & ?\gh no notice 0 tak5 ( x1 ,i _h no long] ! managem5t ( ! cell>4 ,9 all ?is ,monsieur ,malby conduct$ himself ) prud5ce & polit5ess1 be+ really a v des]v+ man1 :o1 "u a mann] z h>% z 8 employm5t1 conceal$ a real g5tl5ess ( disposition & uncommon goodness ( he>t3 he 0 judici\s1 equitable1 & 7:at w\ld n be expect$ f an (fic] ( ! ,m>e*ausse7 v humane4 ,s5sible ( 8 indulg5ce1 ,i became greatly atta*$ to him1 :i* made my /ay at ,lyons long] ?an x w\ld o!rwise h be52 b at l5g?1 disgu/$ ) an employm5t :i* ,i 0 n calculat$ =1 & a situation ( great conf9em5t1 consequ5tly disagreeable to me1 aft] a ye>'s trial1 dur+ :i* "t ,i sp>$ no pa9s to fulfill my engagem5t1 ,i det]m9$ to quit my pupils2 be+ conv9c$ ,i %\ld nev] succe$ 9 educat+ !m prop]ly4 ,monsieur ,malby saw ?is z cle>ly z myself1 ?\gh ,i am incl9$ to ?9k he w\ld nev] h dismiss$ me _h ,i n sp>$ him ! tr\ble1 :i* 0 an excess ( condesc5sion 9 ?is p>ticul>1 t ,i c]ta9ly _c ju/ify4 ,:at r5d]$ my situation yet m insupportable 0 ! comp>ison ,i 0 cont9ually draw+ betwe5 ! life ,i n[ l$ & t :i* ,i _h quitt$2 ! remembrance ( my de> ,*>mettes1 my g>d51 trees1 f\nta9 & or*>d1 b1 above all1 ! company ( h] :o 0 born to give life & s\l to e o!r enjoym5t4 ,on call+ to m9d our pleasures & innoc5t life1 ,i 0 seiz$ ) su* oppressions & heav9ess ( he>t1 z depriv$ me ( ! p[] ( p]=m+ any?+ z x %\ld be4 ,a hundr$ times 0 ,i tempt$ in/antly to set (f on foot to my de> ,madam de ,w>r5s1 be+ p]suad$ t c\ld ,i once m see h]1 ,i %\ld be cont5t to die t mom5t3 9 f9e1 ,i c\ld no long] resi/ ! t5d] emotions :i* recall$ me back to h]1 :atev] x might co/ me4 ,i accus$ myself ( n hav+ be5 suffici5tly pati5t1 complaisant & k9d2 conclud+ ,i might yet live happily ) h] on ! t]ms ( t5d] fri5d%ip1 & by %[+ m = h] ?an ,i _h hi!rto done4 ,i =m$ ! f9e/ projects 9 ! _w1 burn$ to execute !m1 left all1 r5\nc$ ev]y?+1 dep>t$1 fl$1 & arriv+ 9 all ! transports ( my e>ly y\?1 f\nd myself once m at h] feet4 ,alas6 ,i %\ld h di$ !re ) joy1 _h ,i f\nd 9 h] reception1 9 h] embrace1 or 9 h] he>t1 "o-qu>t] ( :at ,i _h =m]ly f\nd !re1 & :i* ,i yet f\nd ! undim9i%$ w>m? (4 ,fe>ful illusions ( transitory ?+s1 h[ (t5 do/ ?\ torm5t u 9 va96 ,%e receiv$ me ) t excell5ce ( he>t :i* c\ld only die ) h]2 b ,i s\ght ! influ5ce !re :i* c\ld nev] be recall$1 & _h h>dly be5 half an h\r ) h] be=e ,i 0 once m conv9c$ t my =m] happ9ess _h vani%$ =ev]1 & t ,i 0 9 ! same melan*oly situation :i* ,i _h be5 oblig$ to fly f2 yet )\t be+ able to accuse any p]son ) my unhapp9ess1 = ,c\rtilles really 0 n to blame1 appe>+ to see my return ) m pleasure ?an dissatisfaction4 ,b h[ c\ld ,i be> to be a second>y p]son ) h] to :om ,i _h be5 ev]y?+1 & :o c\ld nev] cease be+ su* to me8 ,h[ c\ld ,i live an ali5 9 t h\se :]e ,i _h be5 ! *ild8 ,! sight ( e object t _h be5 witness to my =m] happ9ess1 r5d]$ ! comp>ison yet m di/ress+2 ,i %\ld h suff]$ less 9 any o!r habitation1 = ?is incessantly recall$ su* pleas+ remembrances1 t x 0 irritat+ ! recollection ( my loss4 ,consum$ ) va9 regrets1 giv5 up to ! mo/ gloomy melan*oly1 ,i resum$ ! cu/om ( rema9+ alone1 except at meals2 %ut up ) my books1 ,i s\ght to give "s useful div]sion to my ideas1 & feel+ ! imm95t dang] ( want1 :i* ,i _h s long dread$1 ,i s\ght means to prep>e = & receive x1 :5 ,madam de ,w>r5s %\ld h no o!r res\rce4 ,i _h plac$ h] h\sehold on a foot+ n to become worse2 b s9ce my dep>ture ev]y?+ _h be5 alt]$4 ,he :o n[ manag$ h] affairs 0 a sp5d?rift1 & wi%$ to make a great appe>ance2 su* z keep+ a good horse ) elegant trapp+s2 lov$ to appe> gay 9 ! eyes ( ! neighbors1 & 0 p]petually und]tak+ some?+ he did n und]/&4 ,h] p5sion 0 tak5 up 9 advance1 h] r5t 0 9 arre>s1 debts ( e k9d cont9u$ to accumulate2 ,i c\ld pla9ly =esee t h] p5sion w\ld be seiz$1 & p]haps suppress$2 9 %ort1 ,i expect$ no?+ b ru9 & mis=tune1 & ! mom5t appe>$ to approa* s rapidly t ,i already felt all its horrors4 ,my closet 0 my only amusem5t1 & aft] a t$i\s se>* = rem$ies = ! suff]+s ( my m9d1 ,i det]m9$ to seek "s aga9/ ! evil ( di/ress+ circum/ances1 :i* ,i daily expect$ w\ld fall ^u u1 & return+ to my old *im]as1 behold me once m build+ ca/les 9 ! air to relieve ?is de> fri5d f ! cruel extremities into :i* ,i saw h] ready to fall4 ,i did n believe myself wise en\gh to %9e 9 ! republic ( lett]s1 or to /& any *ance ( mak+ a =tune by t means2 a new idea1 !re=e1 inspir$ me ) t confid5ce1 :i* ! m$iocrity ( my tal5ts c\ld n imp>t4 ,9 ceas+ to tea* music ,i _h n ab&on$ ! ?\ghts ( x2 on ! contr>y1 ,i _h /udi$ ! !ory suffici5tly to consid] myself well in=m$ on ! subject4 ,:5 reflect+ on ! tr\ble x _h co/ me to read music1 & ! great difficulty ,i yet exp]i5c$ 9 s++ at sight1 ,i began to ?9k ! fault might z well arise f ! mann] ( not+ z f my own dulness1 be+ s5sible x 0 an art :i* mo/ p f9d difficult to und]/&4 ,by exam9+ ! =mation ( ! signs1 ,i 0 conv9c$ !y 7 frequ5tly v ill devis$4 ,i _h be=e ?\ght ( m>k+ ! gamut by figures1 to prev5t ! tr\ble ( hav+ l9es to draw1 on not+ ! pla9e/ air2 b _h be5 /opp$ by ! difficulty ( ! octaves1 & by ! di/9ction ( measure & quantity3 ?is idea return$ aga9 to my m9d1 & on a c>eful revision ( x1 ,i f\nd ! difficulties by no means insurm\ntable4 ,i pursu$ x successfully1 & 0 at l5g? able to note any music :atev] by figures1 ) ! greate/ exactitude & simplicity4 ,f ?is mom5t ,i suppos$ my =tune made1 & 9 ! ardor ( %>+ x ) h] to :om ,i ow$ ev]y?+1 ?\ght only ( go+ to ,p>is1 n d\bt+ t on pres5t+ my project to ! ,academy1 x w\ld be adopt$ ) rapture4 ,i _h br\ght "s money f ,lyons2 ,i augm5t$ ?is /ock by ! sale ( my books1 & 9 ! c\rse ( a =tnight my resolution 0 bo? =m$ & execut$3 9 %ort1 full ( ! magnific5t ideas x _h inspir$1 & :i* 7 common to me on e occasion1 ,i dep>t$ f ,savoy ) my new sy/em ( music1 z ,i _h =m]ly done f ,tur9 ) my h]on-f\nta94 ,su* h be5 ! errors & faults ( my y\?2 ,i h relat$ ! hi/ory ( !m ) a fidelity :i* my he>t approves2 if my rip] ye>s 7 dignifi$ ) "s virtues1 ,i %\ld h relat$ !m ) ! same frankness2 x 0 my int5tion to h done ?is1 b ,i mu/ =ego ?is pleas+ task & /op "h4 ,"t1 :i* r5d]s ju/ice to ! *>act]s ( mo/ m51 may )draw ! veil2 & %\ld my memory rea* po/]ity1 !y may "o day discov] :at ,i _h to say--!y w !n und]/& :y ,i am n[ sil5t4