,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,,jean         
,,jacques ,,rousseau 7,in #ab books7    
,privately ,printed for the ,members of 
the ,aldus ,society  ,london1 #aijc     
,,book ,v4   ,it was1 ,i believe1 in    
#agcb1 that ,i arrived at ,chambery1 as 
already related1 and began my employment
 of registering land for the king4  ,i  
was almost twenty-one1 my mind well     
enough formed for my age1 with respect  
to sense1 but very deficient in point of
 judgment1 and needing every instruction
 from those into whose hands ,i fell1 to
 make me conduct myself with propriety2 
for a few years' experience had not been
 able to cure me radically of my        
romantic ideas2 and notwithstanding the 
ills ,i had sustained1 ,i knew as little
 of the world1 or mankind1 as if ,i had 
never purchased instruction4  ,i slept  
at home1 that is1 at the house of ,madam
 de ,warrens2 but it was not as at      
,annecy3 here were no gardens1 no brook1
 no landscape2 the house was dark and   
dismal1 and my apartment the most gloomy

 of the whole4  ,the prospect a dead    
wall1 an alley instead of a street1     
confined air1 bad light1 small rooms1   
iron bars1 rats1 and a rotten floor2 an 
assemblage of circumstances that do not 
constitute a very agreeable habitation2 
but ,i was in the same house with my    
best friend1 incessantly near her1 at my
 desk1 or in chamber1 so that ,i could  
not perceive the gloominess of my own1  
or have time to think of it4 ,it may    
appear whimsical that she should reside 
at ,chambery on purpose to live in this 
disagreeable house2 but it was a trait  
of contrivance which ,i ought not to    
pass over in silence4  ,she had no great
 inclination for a journey to ,turin1   
fearing that after the recent           
revolutions1 and the agitation in which 
the court yet was1 she should not be    
very favorably received there2 but her  
affairs seemed to demand her presence1  
as she feared being forgotten or        
ill-treated1 particularly as the ,count 
de ,saint-,laurent1 ,intendent-general  

of the ,finances1 was not in her        
interest4  ,he had an old house in      
,chambery1 ill-built1 and standing in so
 disagreeable a situation that it was   
always untenanted2 she hired1 and       
settled in this house1 a plan that      
succeeded much better than a journey to 
,turin would have done1 for her pension 
was not suppressed1 and the ,count de   
,saint-,laurent was ever after one of   
her best friends4  ,her household was   
much on the old footing2 her faithful   
,claude ,anet still remained with her4  
,he was1 as ,i have before mentioned1 a 
peasant of ,moutru1 who in his childhood
 had gathered herbs in ,jura for the    
purpose of making ,swiss tea2 she had   
taken him into her service for his      
knowledge of drugs1 finding it          
convenient to have a herbalist among her
 domestics4 ,passionately fond of the   
study of plants1 he became a real       
botanist1 and had he not died young1    
might have acquired as much fame in that
 science as he deserved for being an    

honest man4  ,serious even to gravity1  
and older than myself1 he was to me a   
kind of tutor1 commanding respect1 and  
preserving me from a number of follies1 
for ,i dared not forget myself before   
him4  ,he commanded it likewise from his
 mistress1 who knew his understanding1  
uprightness1 and inviolable attachment  
to herself1 and returned it4  ,claude   
,anet was of an uncommon temper4  ,i    
never encountered a similar disposition3
 he was slow1 deliberate1 and           
circumspect in his conduct2 cold in his 
manner2 laconic and sententious in his  
discourse2 yet of an impetuosity in his 
passions1 which 7though careful to      
conceal7 preyed upon him inwardly1 and  
urged him to the only folly he ever     
committed2 that folly1 indeed was       
terrible1 it was poisoning himself4     
,this tragic scene passed soon after my 
arrival1 and opened my eyes to the      
intimacy that subsisted between ,claude 
,anet and his mistress1 for had not the 
information come from her1 ,i should    

never have suspected it2 yet1 surely1 if
 attachment1 fidelity1 and zeal1 could  
merit such a recompense1 it was due to  
him1 and what further proves him worthy 
such a distinction1 he never once abused
 her confidence4  ,they seldom disputed1
 and their disagreements ever ended     
amicably2 one1 indeed1 was not so       
fortunate2 his mistress1 in a passion1  
said something affronting1 which not    
being able to digest1 he consulted only 
with despair1 and finding a bottle of   
laudanum at hand1 drank it off2 then    
went peaceably to bed1 expecting to     
awake no more4  ,madam de ,warrens      
herself was uneasy1 agitated1 wandering 
about the house and happily--finding the
 phial empty--guessed the rest4 ,her    
screams1 while flying to his assistance1
 alarmed me2 she confessed all1 implored
 my help1 and was fortunate enough1     
after repeated efforts1 to make him     
throw up the laudanum4  ,witness of this
 scene1 ,i could not but wonder at my   
stupidity in never having suspected the 

connection2 but ,claude ,anet was so    
discreet1 that a more penetrating       
observer might have been deceived4      
,their reconciliation affected me1 and  
added respect to the esteem ,i before   
felt for him4  ,from this time ,i       
became1 in some measure1 his pupil1 nor 
did ,i find myself the worse for his    
instruction4  ,i could not learn1       
without pain1 that she lived in greater 
intimacy with another than with myself3 
it was a situation ,i had not even      
thought of1 but 7which was very natural7
 it hurt me to see another in possession
 of it4  ,nevertheless1 instead of      
feeling any aversion to the person who  
had this advantage over me1 ,i found the
 attachment ,i felt for her actually    
extend to him4  ,i desired her happiness
 above all things1 and since he was     
concerned in her plan of felicity1 ,i   
was content he should be happy likewise4
  ,meantime he perfectly entered into   
the views of his mistress2 conceived a  
sincere friendship for me1 and without  

affecting the authority his situation   
might have entitled him to1 he naturally
 possessed that which his superior      
judgment gave him over mine4  ,i dared  
do nothing he disproved of1 but he was  
sure to disapprove only what merited    
disapprobation3 thus we lived in an     
union which rendered us mutually happy1 
and which death alone could dissolve4   
,one proof of the excellence of this    
amiable woman's character1 is1 that all 
those who loved her1 loved each other2  
even jealousy and rivalship submitting  
to the more powerful sentiment with     
which she inspired them1 and ,i never   
saw any of those who surrounded her     
entertain the least ill will among      
themselves4  ,let the reader pause a    
moment on this encomium1 and if he can  
recollect any other woman who deserves  
it1 let him attach himself to her1 if he
 would obtain happiness4  ,from my      
arrival at ,chambery to my departure for
 ,paris1 #agda1 included an interval of 
eight or nine years1 during which time  

,i have few adventures to relate2 my    
life being as simple as it was          
agreeable4  ,this uniformity was        
precisely what was most wanting to      
complete the formation of my character1 
which continual troubles had prevented  
from acquiring any degree of stability4 
,it was during this pleasing interval1  
that my unconnected1 unfinished         
education1 gained consistence1 and made 
me what ,i have unalterably remained    
amid the storms with which ,i have since
 been surrounded4  ,the progress was    
slow1 almost imperceptible1 and attended
 by few memorable circumstances2 yet it 
deserves to be followed and             
investigated4  ,at first1 ,i was wholly 
occupied with my business1 the          
constraint of a desk left little        
opportunity for other thoughts1 the     
small portion of time ,i was at liberty 
was passed with my dear ,madam de       
,warrens1 and not having leisure to     
read1 ,i felt no inclination for it2 but
 when my business 7by daily repetition7 

became familiar1 and my mind was less   
occupied1 study again became necessary1 
and 7as my desires were ever irritated  
by any difficulty that opposed the      
indulgence of them7 might once more have
 become a passion1 as at my master's1   
had not other inclinations interposed   
and diverted it4  ,though our occupation
 did not demand a very profound skill in
 arithmetic1 it sometimes required      
enough to puzzle me4  ,to conquer this  
difficulty1 ,i purchased books which    
treated on that science1 and learned    
well1 for ,i now studied alone4         
,practical arithmetic extends further   
than is usually supposed if you would   
attain exact precision4  ,there are     
operations of extreme length in which ,i
 have sometimes seen good geometricians 
lose themselves4  ,reflection1 assisted 
by practice1 gives clear ideas1 and     
enables you to devise shorter methods1  
these inventions flatter our            
self-complacency1 while their exactitude
 satisfies our understanding1 and       

renders a study pleasant1 which is1 of  
itself1 heavy and unentertaining4 ,at   
length ,i became so expert as not to be 
puzzled by any question that was        
solvable by arithmetical calculation2   
and even now1 while everything ,i       
formerly knew fades daily on my memory1 
this acquirement1 in a great measure    
remains1 through an interval of thirty  
years4  ,a few days ago1 in a journey ,i
 made to ,davenport1 being with my host 
at an arithmetical lesson given his     
children1 ,i did 7with pleasure1 and    
without errors7 a most complicated work4
  ,while setting down my figures1       
methought ,i was still at ,chambery1    
still in my days of happiness--how far  
had ,i to look back for them6  ,the     
colored plans of our geometricians had  
given me a taste for drawing3           
accordingly ,i bought colors1 and began 
by attempting flowers and landscapes4   
,it was unfortunate that ,i had not     
talents for this art1 for my inclination
 was much disposed to it1 and while     

surrounded with crayons1 pencils1 and   
colors1 ,i could have passed whole      
months without wishing to leave them4   
,this amusement engaged me so much that 
they were obliged to force me from it2  
and thus it is with every inclination ,i
 give into1 it continues to augment1    
till at length it becomes so powerful1  
that ,i lose sight of everything except 
the favorite amusement4  ,years have not
 been able to cure me of that fault1    
nay1 have not even diminished it2 for   
while ,i am writing this1 behold me1    
like an old dotard1 infatuated with     
another1 to me useless study1 which ,i  
do not understand1 and which even those 
who have devoted their youthful days to 
the acquisition of1 are constrained to  
abandon1 at the age ,i am beginning with
 it4  ,at that time1 the study ,i am now
 speaking of would have been well       
placed1 the opportunity was good1 and ,i
 had some temptation to profit by it2   
for the satisfaction ,i saw in the eyes 
of ,anet1 when he came home loaded with 

new discovered plants1 set me two or    
three times on the point of going to    
herbalize with him1 and ,i am almost    
certain that had ,i gone once1 ,i should
 have been caught1 and perhaps at this  
day might have been an excellent        
botanist1 for ,i know no study more     
congenial to my natural inclination1    
than that of plants2 the life ,i have   
led for these ten years past1 in the    
country1 being little more than a       
continual herbalizing1 though ,i must   
confess1 without object1 and without    
improvement2 but at the time ,i am now  
speaking of ,i had no inclination for   
botany1 nay1 ,i even despised1 and was  
disgusted at the idea1 considering it   
only as a fit study for an apothecary4  
,madam de ,warrens was fond of it merely
 for this purpose1 seeking none but     
common plants to use in her medical     
preparations2 thus botany1 chemistry1   
and anatomy were confounded in my idea  
under the general denomination of       
medicine1 and served to furnish me with 

pleasant sarcasms the whole day1 which  
procured me1 from time to time1 a box on
 the ear1 applied by ,madam de ,warrens4
  ,besides this1 a very contrary taste  
grew up with me1 and by degrees absorbed
 all others2 this was music4  ,i was    
certainly born for that science1 ,i     
loved it from my infancy1 and it was the
 only inclination ,i have constantly    
adhered to2 but it is astonishing that  
what nature seemed to have designed me  
for should have cost so much pains to   
learn1 and that ,i should acquire it so 
slowly1 that after a whole life spent in
 the practice of this art1 ,i could     
never attain to sing with any certainty 
at sight4  ,what rendered the study of  
music more agreeable to me at that time1
 was1 being able to practise it with    
,madam de ,warrens4  ,in other respects 
our tastes were widely different3 this  
was a point of coincidence1 which ,i    
loved to avail myself of4  ,she had no  
more objection to this than myself4  ,i 
knew at that time almost as much of it  

as she did1 and after two or three      
efforts1 we could make shift to decipher
 an air4  ,sometimes1 when ,i saw her   
busy at her furnace1 ,i have said1 ,here
 now is a charming duet1 which seems    
made for the very purpose of spoiling   
your drugs2 her answer would be1 ,if you
 make me burn them1 ,i'll make you eat  
them3 thus disputing1 ,i drew her to the
 harpsichord2 the furnace was presently 
forgotten1 the extract of juniper or    
wormwood calcined 7which ,i cannot      
recollect without transport71 and these 
scenes usually ended by her smearing my 
face with the remains of them4  ,it may 
easily be conjectured that ,i had plenty
 of employment to fill up my leisure    
hours2 one amusement1 however1 found    
room1 that was well worth all the rest4 
,we lived in such a confined dungeon1   
that it was necessary sometimes to      
breathe the open air2 ,anet1 therefore1 
engaged ,madam de ,warrens to hire a    
garden in the suburbs1 both for this    
purpose and the convenience of rearing  

plants1 etc42 to this garden was added a
 summer--house1 which was furnished in  
the customary manner2 we sometimes      
dined1 and ,i frequently slept1 there4  
,insensibly ,i became attached to this  
little retreat1 decorated it with books 
and prints1 spending part of my time in 
ornamenting it during the absence of    
,madam de ,warrens1 that ,i might       
surprise her the more agreeably on her  
return4  ,sometimes ,i quitted this dear
 friend1 that ,i might enjoy the        
uninterrupted pleasure of thinking on   
her2 this was a caprice ,i can neither  
excuse nor fully explain1 ,i only know  
this really was the case1 and therefore 
,i avow it4  ,i remember ,madam de      
,luxembourg told me one day in raillery1
 of a man who used to leave his mistress
 that he might enjoy the satisfaction of
 writing to her2 ,i answered1 ,i could  
have been this man2 ,i might have added1
 ,that ,i had done the very same4  ,i   
did not1 however1 find it necessary to  
leave ,madam de ,warrens that ,i might  

love her the more ardently1 for ,i was  
ever as perfectly free with her as when 
alone2 an advantage ,i never enjoyed    
with any other person1 man or woman1    
however ,i might be attached to them2   
but she was so often surrounded by      
company who were far from pleasing me1  
that spite and weariness drove me to    
this asylum1 where ,i could indulge the 
idea1 without danger of being           
interrupted by impertinence4  ,thus1 my 
time being divided between business1    
pleasure1 and instruction1 my life      
passed in the most absolute serenity4   
,europe was not equally tranquil3       
,france and the emperor had mutually    
declared war1 the ,king of ,sardinia had
 entered into the quarrel1 and a ,french
 army had filed off into ,piedmont to   
awe the ,milanese4  ,our division passed
 through ,chambery1 and1 among others1  
the regiment of ,champaigne1 whose      
colonel was the ,duke de la ,trimouille1
 to whom ,i was presented4  ,he promised
 many things1 but doubtless never more  

thought of me4  ,our little garden was  
exactly at the end of the suburb by     
which the troops entered1 so that ,i    
could fully satisfy my curiosity in     
seeing them pass1 and ,i became as      
anxious for the success of the war as if
 it had nearly concerned me4  ,till now 
,i had never troubled myself about      
politics1 for the first time ,i began   
reading the gazettes1 but with so much  
partiality on the side of ,france1 that 
my heart beat with rapture on its most  
trifling advantages1 and ,i was as much 
afflicted on a reverse of fortune1 as if
 ,i had been particularly concerned4    
,had this folly been transient1 ,i      
should not1 perhaps1 have mentioned it1 
but it took such root in my heart       
7without any reasonable cause7 that when
 ,i afterwards acted the anti-despot and
 proud republican at ,paris1 in spite of
 myself1 ,i felt a secret predilection  
for the nation ,i declared servile1 and 
for that government ,i affected to      
oppose4  ,the pleasantest of all was    

that1 ashamed of an inclination so      
contrary to my professed maxims1 ,i     
dared not own it to any one1 but rallied
 the ,french on their defeats1 while my 
heart was more wounded than their own4  
,i am certainly the first man1 that1    
living with a people who treated him    
well1 and whom he almost adored1 put on1
 even in their own country1 a borrowed  
air of despising them2 yet my original  
inclination is so powerful1 constant1   
disinterested1 and invincible1 that even
 since my quitting that kingdom1 since  
its government1 magistrates1 and        
authors1 have outvied each other in     
rancor against me1 since it has become  
fashionable to load me with injustice   
and abuse1 ,i have not been able to get 
rid of this folly1 but notwithstanding  
their ill-treatment1 love them in spite 
of myself4  ,i long sought the cause of 
this partiality1 but was never able to  
find any1 except in the occasion that   
gave it birth4  ,a rising taste for     
literature attached me to ,french books1

 to their authors1 and their country3 at
 the very moment the ,french troops were
 passing ,chambery1 ,i was reading      
,brantome's ',celebrated ,captains'2 my 
head was full of the ,clissons1         
,bayards1 ,lautrecs ,colignys1          
,monlmoreneys1 and ,trimouille1 and ,i  
loved their descendants as the heirs of 
their merit and courage4  ,in each      
regiment that passed by methought ,i saw
 those famous black bands who had       
formerly done so many noble exploits in 
,piedmont2 in fine1 ,i applied to these 
all the ideas ,i had gathered from      
books2 my reading continued1 which1     
still drawn from the same nation1       
nourished my affection for that country1
 till1 at length1 it became a blind     
passion1 which nothing could overcome4  
,i have had occasion to remark several  
times in the course of my travels1 that 
this impression was not peculiar to me  
for ,france1 but was more or less active
 in every country1 for that part of the 
nation who were fond of literature1 and 

cultivated learning2 and it was this    
consideration that balanced in my mind  
the general hatred which the conceited  
air of the ,french is so apt to inspire4
  ,their romances1 more than their men1 
attract the women of all countries1 and 
the celebrated dramatic pieces of       
,france create a fondness in youth for  
their theaters2 the reputation which    
that of ,paris in particular has        
acquired1 draws to it crowds of         
strangers1 who return enthusiasts to    
their own country3 in short1 the        
excellence of their literature          
captivates the senses1 and in the       
unfortunate war just ended1 ,i have seen
 their authors and philosophers maintain
 the glory of ,france1 so tarnished by  
its warriors4  ,i was1 therefore1 an    
ardent ,frenchman2 this rendered me a   
politician1 and ,i attended in the      
public square1 amid a throng of         
news-mongers1 the arrival of the post1  
and1 sillier than the ass in the fable1 
was very uneasy to know whose packsaddle

 ,i should next have the honor to carry1
 for it was then supposed we should     
belong to ,france1 and that ,savoy would
 be exchanged for ,milan4  ,i must      
confess1 however1 that ,i experienced   
some uneasiness1 for had this war       
terminated unfortunately for the allies1
 the pension of ,madam de ,warrens would
 have been in a dangerous situation2    
nevertheless1 ,i had great confidence in
 my good friends1 the ,french1 and for  
once 7in spite of the surprise of ,m4 de
 ,broglio7 my confidence was not        
ill-founded--thanks to the ,king of     
,sardinia1 whom ,i had never thought of4
  ,while we were fighting in ,italy1    
they were singing in ,france3 the operas
 of ,rameau began to make a noise there1
 and once more raise the credit of his  
theoretic works1 which1 from their      
obscurity1 were within the compass of   
very few understandings4  ,by chance ,i 
heard of his ',treatise on ,harmony'1   
and had no rest till ,i purchased it4   
,by another chance ,i fell sick2 my     

illness was inflammatory1 short and     
violent1 but my convalescence was       
tedious1 for ,i was unable to go abroad 
for a whole month4  ,during this time ,i
 eagerly ran over my ,treatise on       
,harmony1 but it was so long1 so        
diffuse1 and so badly disposed1 that ,i 
found it would require a considerable   
time to unravel it3 accordingly ,i      
suspended my inclination1 and recreated 
my sight with music4  ,the cantatas of  
,bernier were what ,i principally       
exercised myself with4 ,these were never
 out of my mind2 ,i learned four or five
 by heart1 and among the rest1 ',the    
,sleeping ,cupids'1 which ,i have never 
seen since that time1 though ,i still   
retain it almost entirely2 as well as   
',cupid ,stung by a ,bee'1 a very pretty
 cantata by ,clerambault1 which ,i      
learned about the same time4  ,to       
complete me1 there arrived a young      
organist from ,valdoste1 called the     
,abbe ,palais1 a good musician and an   
agreeable companion1 who performed very 

well on the harpsichord2 ,i got         
acquainted with him1 and we soon became 
inseparable4  ,he had been brought up by
 an ,italian monk1 who was a capital    
organist4  ,he explained to me his      
principles of music1 which ,i compared  
with ,rameau2 my head was filled with   
accompaniments1 concords and harmony1   
but as it was necessary to accustom the 
ear to all this1 ,i proposed to ,madam  
de ,warrens having a little concert once
 a month1 to which she consented4       
,behold me then so full of this concert1
 that night or day ,i could think of    
nothing else1 and it actually employed a
 great part of my time to select the    
music1 assemble the musicians1 look to  
the instruments1 and write out the      
several parts4  ,madam de ,warrens sang2
 ,father ,cato 7whom ,i have before     
mentioned1 and shall have occasion to   
speak of again7 sang likewise2 a        
dancing--master named ,roche1 and his   
son1 played on the violin2 ,canavas1 a  
,piedmontese musician 7who was employed 

like myself in the survey1 and has since
 married at ,paris71 played on the      
violoncello2 the ,abbe ,palais performed
 on the harpsichord1 and ,i had the     
honor to conduct the whole4  ,it may be 
supposed all this was charming2 ,i      
cannot say it equalled my concert at    
,monsieur de ,tretoren's1 but certainly 
it was not far behind it4  ,this little 
concert1 given by ,madam de ,warrens1   
the new convert1 who lived 7it was      
expressed7 on the king's charity1 made  
the whole tribe of devotees murmur1 but 
was a very agreeable amusement to       
several worthy people1 at the head of   
whom it would not be easily surmised    
that ,i should place a monk2 yet1 though
 a monk1 a man of considerable merit1   
and even of a very amiable disposition1 
whose subsequent misfortunes gave me the
 most lively concern1 and whose idea1   
attached to that of my happy days1 is   
yet dear to my memory4  ,i speak of     
,father ,cato1 a ,cordelier1 who1 in    
conjunction with the ,count d',ortan1   

had caused the music of poor ,le ,maitre
 to be seized at ,lyons2 which action   
was far from being the brightest trait  
in his history4  ,he was a ,bachelor of 
,sorbonne1 had lived long in ,paris     
among the great world1 and was          
particularly caressed by the ,marquis   
d',antremont1 then ,ambassador from     
,sardinia4  ,he was tall and well made2 
full faced1 with very fine eyes1 and    
black hair1 which formed natural curls  
on each side of his forehead4  ,his     
manner was at once noble1 open1 and     
modest2 he presented himself with ease  
and good manners1 having neither the    
hypocritical nor impudent behavior of a 
monk1 or the forward assurance of a     
fashionable coxcomb1 but the manners of 
a well-bred man1 who1 without blushing  
for his habit1 set a value on himself1  
and ever felt in his proper situation   
when in good company4 ,though ,father   
,cato was not deeply studied for a      
doctor1 he was much so for a man of the 
world1 and not being compelled to show  

his talents1 he brought them forward so 
advantageously that they appeared       
greater than they really were4  ,having 
lived much in the world1 he had rather  
attached himself to agreeable           
acquirements than to solid learning2 had
 sense1 made verses1 spoke well1 sang   
better1 and aided his good voice by     
playing on the organ and harpsichord4   
,so many pleasing qualities were not    
necessary to make his company sought    
after1 and1 accordingly1 it was very    
much so1 but this did not make him      
neglect the duties of his function3 he  
was chosen 7in spite of his jealous     
competitors7 ,definitor of his          
,province1 or1 according to them1 one of
 the greatest pillars of their order4   
,father ,cato became acquainted with    
,madam de ,warrens at the ,marquis of   
,antremont's2 he had heard of her       
concerts1 wished to assist at them1 and 
by his company rendered our meetings    
truly agreeable4  ,we were soon attached
 to each other by our mutual taste for  

music1 which in both was a most lively  
passion1 with this difference1 that he  
was really a musician1 and myself a     
bungler4  ,sometimes assisted by        
,canavas and the ,abbe ,palais1 we had  
music in his apartment2 or on holidays  
at his organ1 and frequently dined with 
him2 for1 what was very astonishing in a
 monk1 he was generous1 profuse1 and    
loved good cheer1 without the least     
tincture of greediness4  ,after our     
concerts1 he always used to stay to     
supper1 and these evenings passed with  
the greatest gayety and good-humor2 we  
conversed with the utmost freedom1 and  
sang duets2 ,i was perfectly at my ease1
 had sallies of wit and merriment2      
,father ,cato was charming1 ,madam de   
,warrens adorable1 and the ,abbe        
,palais1 with his rough voice1 was the  
butt of the company4  ,pleasing moments 
of sportive youth1 how long since have  
ye fled6  ,as ,i shall have no more     
occasion to speak of poor ,father ,cato1
 ,i will here conclude in a few words   

his melancholy history4  ,his brother   
monks1 jealous1 or rather exasperated to
 discover in him a merit and elegance of
 manners which favored nothing of       
monastic stupidity1 conceived the most  
violent hatred to him1 because he was   
not as despicable as themselves2 the    
chiefs1 therefore1 combined against this
 worthy man1 and set on the envious     
rabble of monks1 who otherwise would not
 have dared to hazard the attack4  ,he  
received a thousand indignities2 they   
degraded him from his office1 took away 
the apartment which he had furnished    
with elegant simplicity1 and1 at length1
 banished him1 ,i know not whither3 in  
short1 these wretches overwhelmed him   
with so many evils1 that his honest and 
proud soul sank under the pressure1 and1
 after having been the delight of the   
most amiable societies1 he died of      
grief1 on a wretched bed1 hid in some   
cell or dungeon1 lamented by all worthy 
people of his acquaintance1 who could   
find no fault in him1 except his being a

 monk4  ,accustomed to this manner of   
life for some time1 ,i became so        
entirely attached to music that ,i could
 think of nothing else4  ,i went to my  
business with disgust1 the necessary    
confinement and assiduity appeared an   
insupportable punishment1 which ,i at   
length wished to relinquish1 that ,i    
might give myself up without reserve to 
my favorite amusement4  ,it will be     
readily believed that this folly met    
with some opposition2 to give up a      
creditable employment and fixed salary  
to run after uncertain scholars was too 
giddy a plan to be approved of by ,madam
 de ,warrens1 and even supposing my     
future success should prove as great as 
,i flattered myself1 it was fixing very 
humble limits to my ambition to think of
 reducing myself for life to the        
condition of a music-master4  ,she1 who 
formed for me the brightest projects1   
and no longer trusted implicitly to the 
judgment of ,m4 d',aubonne1 seeing with 
concern that ,i was so seriously        

occupied with a talent which she thought
 frivolous1 frequently repeated to me   
that provincial proverb1 which does not 
hold quite so good in ,paris1           
,qui biens chante et biens dance1       
fait un metier qui peu avance4          
,he who can sweetly sing and featly     
dance4           ,his interests right   
little shall advance4  ,on the other    
hand1 she saw me hurried away by this   
irresistible passion1 my taste for music
 having become a furor1 and it was much 
to be feared that my employment1        
suffering by my distraction1 might draw 
on me a discharge1 which would be worse 
than a voluntary resignation4 ,i        
represented to her2 that this employment
 could not last long1 that it was       
necessary ,i should have some permanent 
means of subsistence1 and that it would 
be much better to complete by practice  
the acquisition of that art to which my 
inclination led me than to make fresh   
essays1 which possibly might not        
succeed1 since by this means1 having    

passed the age most proper for          
improvement1 ,i might be left without a 
single resource for gaining a           
livelihood3 in short1 ,i extorted her   
consent more by importunity and caresses
 than by any satisfactory reasons4      
,proud of my success1 ,i immediately ran
 to thank ,m4 ,coccelli1                
,director-,general of the ,survey1 as   
though ,i had performed the most heroic 
action1 and quitted my employment       
without cause1 reason1 or pretext1 with 
as much pleasure as ,i had accepted it  
two years before4  ,this step1          
ridiculous as it may appear1 procured me
 a kind of consideration1 which ,i found
 extremely useful4  ,some supposed ,i   
had resources which ,i did not possess2 
others1 seeing me totally given up to   
music1 judged of my abilities by the    
sacrifice ,i had made1 and concluded    
that with such a passion for the art1 ,i
 must possess it in a superior degree4  
,in a nation of blind men1 those with   
one eye are kings4  ,i passed here for  

an excellent master1 because all the    
rest were very bad ones4  ,possessing   
taste in singing1 and being favored by  
my age and figure1 ,i soon procured more
 scholars than were sufficient to       
compensate for the losses of my         
secretary's pay4  ,it is certain1 that  
had it been reasonable to consider the  
pleasure of my situation only1 it was   
impossible to pass more speedily from   
one extreme to the other4  ,at our      
measuring1 ,i was confined eight hours  
in the day to the most unentertaining   
employment1 with yet more disagreeable  
company4  ,shut up in a melancholy      
counting-house1 empoisoned by the smell 
and respiration of a number of clowns1  
the major part of whom were ill-combed  
and very dirty1 what with attention1 bad
 air1 constraint and weariness1 ,i was  
sometimes so far overcome as to occasion
 a vertigo4  ,instead of this1 behold me
 admitted into the fashionable world1   
sought after in the first houses1 and   
everywhere received with an air of      

satisfaction2 amiable and gay young     
ladies awaiting my arrival1 and         
welcoming me with pleasure2 ,i see      
nothing but charming objects1 smell     
nothing but roses and orange flowers2   
singing1 chatting1 laughter1 and        
amusements1 perpetually succeed each    
other4  ,it must be allowed1 that       
reckoning all these advantages1 no      
hesitation was necessary in the choice2 
in fact1 ,i was so content with mine1   
that ,i never once repented it2 nor do  
,i even now1 when1 free from the        
irrational motives that influenced me at
 that time1 ,i weigh in the scale of    
reason every action of my life4  ,this  
is1 perhaps1 the only time that1        
listening to inclination1 ,i was not    
deceived in my expectations4  ,the easy 
access1 obliging temper1 and free humor 
of this country1 rendered a commerce    
with the world agreeable1 and the       
inclination ,i then felt for it1 proves 
to me1 that if ,i have a dislike for    
society1 it is more their fault than    

mine4  ,it is a pity the ,savoyards are 
not rich3 though1 perhaps1 it would be a
 still greater pity if they were so1 for
 altogether they are the best1 the most 
sociable people that ,i know1 and if    
there is a little city in the world     
where the pleasures of life are         
experienced in an agreeable and friendly
 commerce1 it is at ,chambery4  ,the    
gentry of the province who assemble     
there have only sufficient wealth to    
live and not enough to spoil them2 they 
cannot give way to ambition1 but follow1
 through necessity1 the counsel of      
,cyneas1 devoting their youth to a      
military employment1 and returning home 
to grow old in peace2 an arrangement    
over which honor and reason equally     
preside4  ,the women are handsome1 yet  
do not stand in need of beauty1 since   
they possess all those qualifications   
which enhance its value and even supply 
the want of it4  ,it is remarkable1 that
 being obliged by my profession to see a
 number of young girls1 ,i do not       

recollect one at ,chambery but what was 
charming3 it will be said ,i was        
disposed to find them so1 and perhaps   
there maybe some truth in the surmise4  
,i cannot remember my young scholars    
without pleasure4  ,why1 in naming the  
most amiable1 cannot ,i recall them and 
myself also to that happy age in which  
our moments1 pleasing as innocent1 were 
passed with such happiness together8    
,the first was ,mademoiselle de         
,mallarede1 my neighbor1 and sister to a
 pupil of ,monsieur ,gaime4  ,she was a 
fine clear brunette1 lively and         
graceful1 without giddiness2 thin as    
girls of that age usually are2 but her  
bright eyes1 fine shape1 and easy air1  
rendered her sufficiently pleasing with 
that degree of plumpness which would    
have given a heightening to her charms4 
,i went there of mornings1 when she was 
usually in her dishabille1 her hair     
carelessly turned up1 and1 on my        
arrival1 ornamented with a flower1 which
 was taken off at my departure for her  

hair to be dressed4  ,there is nothing  
,i fear so much as a pretty woman in an 
elegant dishabille2 ,i should dread them
 a hundred times less in full dress4    
,mademoiselle de ,menthon1 whom ,i      
attended in the afternoon1 was ever so4 
,she made an equally pleasing1 but quite
 different impression on me4  ,her hair 
was flaxen1 her person delicate1 she was
 very timid and extremely fair1 had a   
clear voice1 capable of just modulation1
 but which she had not courage to employ
 to its full extent4 ,she had the mark  
of a scald on her bosom1 which a scanty 
piece of blue chenille did not entirely 
cover1 this scar sometimes drew my      
attention1 though not absolutely on its 
own account4  ,mademoiselle des         
,challes1 another of my neighbors1 was a
 woman grown1 tall1 well-formed1 jolly1 
very pleasing though not a beauty1 and  
might be quoted for her gracefulness1   
equal temper1 and good humor4  ,her     
sister1 ,madam de ,charly1 the          
handsomest woman of ,chambery1 did not  

learn music1 but ,i taught her daughter1
 who was yet young1 but whose growing   
beauty promised to equal her mother's1  
if she had not unfortunately been a     
little red-haired4 ,i had likewise among
 my scholars a little ,french lady1     
whose name ,i have forgotten1 but who   
merits a place in my list of            
preferences4  ,she had adopted the slow 
drawling tone of the nuns1 in which     
voice she would utter some very keen    
things1 which did not in the least      
appear to correspond with her manner2   
but she was indolent1 and could not     
generally take pains to show her wit1   
that being a favor she did not grant to 
every one4  ,after a month or two of    
negligent attendance1 this was an       
expedient she devised to make me more   
assiduous1 for ,i could not easily      
persuade myself to be so4  ,when with my
 scholars1 ,i was fond enough of        
teaching1 but could not bear the idea of
 being obliged to attend at a particular
 hour2 constraint and subjection in     

every shape are to me insupportable1 and
 alone sufficient to make me hate even  
pleasure itself4  ,i had some scholars  
likewise among the tradespeople1 and1   
among others1 one who was the indirect  
cause of a change of relationship1 which
 7as ,i have promised to declare all7 ,i
 must relate in its place4  ,she was the
 daughter of a grocer1 and was called   
,mademoiselle de ,larnage1 a perfect    
model for a ,grecian statue1 and whom ,i
 should quote for the handsomest girl ,i
 have ever seen1 if true beauty could   
exist without life or soul4 ,her        
indolence1 reserve1 and insensibility   
were inconceivable2 it was equally      
impossible to please or make her angry1 
and ,i am convinced that had any one    
formed a design upon her virtue1 he     
might have succeeded1 not through her   
inclination1 but from her stupidity4    
,her mother1 who would run no risk of   
this1 did not leave her a single moment4
  ,in having her taught to sing and     
providing a young master1 she had hoped 

to enliven her1 but it all proved       
ineffectual4  ,while the master was     
admiring the daughter1 the mother was   
admiring the master1 but this was       
equally lost labor4  ,madam de ,larnage 
added to her natural vivacity that      
portion of sprightliness which should   
have belonged to the daughter4  ,she was
 a little1 ugly1 lively trollop1 with   
small twinkling ferret eyes1 and marked 
with smallpox4  ,on my arrival in the   
morning1 ,i always found my coffee and  
cream ready1 and the mother never failed
 to welcome me with a kiss on the lips1 
which ,i would willingly have returned  
the daughter1 to see how she would have 
received it4  ,all this was done with   
such an air of carelessness and         
simplicity1 that even when ,m4 de       
,larnage was present2 her kisses and    
caresses were not omitted4  ,he was a   
good quiet fellow1 the true original of 
his daughter2 nor did his wife endeavor 
to deceive him1 because there was       
absolutely no occasion for it4  ,i      

received all these caresses with my     
usual stupidity1 taking them only for   
marks of pure friendship1 though they   
were sometimes troublesome2 for the     
lively ,madam ,lard was displeased1 if1 
during the day1 ,i passed the shop      
without calling2 it became necessary1   
therefore 7when ,i had no time to       
spare71 to go out of my way through     
another street1 well knowing it was not 
so easy to quit her house as to enter   
it4  ,madam ,lard thought so much of me1
 that ,i could not avoid thinking       
something of her4  ,her attentions      
affected me greatly2 and ,i spoke of    
them to ,madam de ,warrens1 without     
supposing any mystery in the matter1 but
 had there been one ,i should equally   
have divulged it1 for to have kept a    
secret of any kind from her would have  
been impossible4  ,my heart lay as open 
to ,madam de ,warrens as to ,heaven4    
,she did not understand the matter quite
 so simply as ,i had done1 but saw      
advances where ,i only discovered       

friendship4  ,she concluded that ,madam 
,lard would make a point of not leaving 
me as great a fool as she found me1 and1
 some way or other1 contrive to make    
herself understood2 but exclusive of the
 consideration that it was not just1    
that another should undertake the       
instruction of her pupil1 she had       
motives more worthy of her1 wishing to  
guard me against the snares to which my 
youth and inexperience exposed me4      
,meantime1 a more dangerous temptation  
offered which ,i likewise escaped1 but  
which proved to her that such a         
succession of dangers required every    
preservative she could possibly apply4  
,the ,countess of ,menthon1 mother to   
one of my scholars1 was a woman of great
 wit1 and reckoned to possess1 at least1
 an equal share of mischief1 having 7as 
was reported7 caused a number of        
quarrels1 and1 among others1 one that   
terminated fatally for the house of ,d' 
,antremont4  ,madam de ,warrens had seen
 enough of her to know her character3   

for having 7very innocently7 pleased    
some person to whom ,madam de ,menthon  
had pretensions1 she found her guilty of
 the crime of this preference1 though   
,madam de ,warrens had neither sought   
after nor accepted it1 and from that    
moment endeavored to play her rival a   
number of ill turns1 none of which      
succeeded4  ,i shall relate one of the  
most whimsical1 by way of specimen4     
,they were together in the country1 with
 several gentlemen of the neighborhood1 
and among the rest the lover in         
question4  ,madam de ,menthon took an   
opportunity to say to one of these      
gentlemen1 that ,madam de ,warrens was a
 prude1 that she dressed ill1 and       
particularly that she covered her neck  
like a tradeswoman4  ,o1 for that       
matter1 replied the person she was      
speaking to 7who was fond of a joke71   
she has good reason1 for ,i know she is 
marked with a great ugly rat on her     
bosom1 so naturally1 that it even       
appears to be running4  ,hatred1 as well

 as love1 renders its votaries          
credulous4  ,madam de ,menthon resolved 
to make use of this discovery1 and one  
day1 while ,madam de ,warrens was at    
cards with this lady's ungrateful       
favorite1 she contrived1 in passing     
behind her rival1 almost to overset the 
chair she sat on1 and at the same       
instant1 very dexterously displaced her 
handkerchief2 but instead of this       
hideous rat1 the gentleman beheld a far 
different object1 which it was not more 
easy to forget than to obtain a sight   
of1 and which by no means answered the  
intentions of the lady4  ,i was not     
calculated to engross the attention of  
,madam de ,menthon1 who loved to be     
surrounded by brilliant company2        
notwithstanding she bestowed some       
attention on me1 not for the sake of my 
person1 which she certainly did not     
regard1 but for the reputation of wit   
which ,i had acquired1 and which might  
have rendered me convenient to her      
predominant inclination4 ,she had a very

 lively passion for ridicule1 and loved 
to write songs and lampoons on those who
 displeased her3 had she found me       
possessed of sufficient talents to aid  
the fabrication of her verses1 and      
complaisance enough to do so1 we should 
presently have turned ,chambery upside  
down2 these libels would have been      
traced to their source1 ,madam de       
,menthon would have saved herself by    
sacrificing me1 and ,i should have been 
cooped up in prison1 perhaps1 for the   
rest of my life1 as a recompense for    
having figured away as the ,apollo of   
the ladies4  ,fortunately1 nothing of   
this kind happened2 ,madam de ,menthon  
made me stay for dinner two or three    
days1 to chat with me1 and soon found ,i
 was too dull for her purpose4 ,i felt  
this myself1 and was humiliated at the  
discovery1 envying the talents of my    
friend ,venture2 though ,i should rather
 have been obliged to my stupidity for  
keeping me out of the reach of danger4  
,i remained1 therefore1 ,madam de       

,menthon's daughter's singing-master1   
and nothing more6  but ,i lived happily1
 and was ever well received at          
,chambery1 which was a thousand times   
more desirable than passing for a wit   
with her1 and for a serpent with        
everybody else4  ,however this might be1
 ,madam de ,warrens conceived it        
necessary to guard me from the perils of
 youth by treating me as a man3 this she
 immediately set about1 but in the most 
extraordinary manner that any woman1 in 
similar circumstances1 ever devised4  ,i
 all at once observed that her manner   
was graver1 and her discourse more moral
 than usual4  ,to the playful gayety    
with which she used to intermingle her  
instructions suddenly succeeded an      
uniformity of manner1 neither familiar  
nor severe1 but which seemed to prepare 
me for some explanation4  ,after having 
vainly racked my brain for the reason of
 this change1 ,i mentioned it to her2   
this she had expected and immediately   
proposed a walk to our garden the next  

day4  ,accordingly we went there the    
next morning2 she had contrived that we 
should remain alone the whole day1 which
 she employed in preparing me for those 
favors she meant to bestow2 not as      
another woman would have done1 by toying
 and folly1 but by discourses full of   
sentiment and reason1 rather tending to 
instruct than seduce1 and which spoke   
more to my heart than to my senses4     
,meantime1 however excellent and to the 
purpose these discourses might be1 and  
though far enough from coldness or      
melancholy1 ,i did not listen to them   
with all the attention they merited1 nor
 fix them in my memory as ,i should have
 done at any other time4  ,that air of  
preparation which she had adopted gave  
me a degree of inquietude2 while she    
spoke 7in spite of myself7 ,i was       
thoughtful and absent1 attending less to
 what she said than curious to know what
 she aimed at2 and no sooner had ,i     
comprehended her design 7which ,i could 
not easily do7 than the novelty of the  

idea1 which1 during all the years ,i had
 passed with her1 had never once entered
 my imagination1 took such entire       
possession of me that ,i was no longer  
capable of minding what she said6 ,i    
only thought of her2 ,i heard her no    
longer4  ,thinking to render young minds
 attentive to reason by proposing some  
highly interesting object as the result 
of it1 is an error instructors          
frequently run into1 and one which ,i   
have not avoided in my ,umilius4 ,the   
young pupil1 struck with the object     
presented to him1 is occupied only with 
that1 and leaping lightly over your     
preliminary discourses1 lights at once  
on the point1 to which1 in his idea1 you
 lead him too tediously4  ,to render him
 attentive1 he must be prevented from   
seeing the whole of your design2 and1 in
 this particular1 ,madam de ,warrens did
 not act with sufficient precaution4    
,by a singularity which adhered to her  
systematic disposition1 she took the    
vain precaution of proposing conditions2

 but the moment ,i knew the purchase1 ,i
 no longer even heard them1 but         
immediately consented to everything2 and
 ,i doubt whether there is a man on the 
whole earth who would have been sincere 
or courageous enough to dispute terms1  
or one single woman who would have      
pardoned such a dispute4  ,by a         
continuation of the same whimsicality1  
she attached a number of the gravest    
formalities to the acquisition of her   
favors1 and gave me eight days to think 
of them1 which ,i assured her ,i had no 
need of1 though that assurance was far  
from a truth3 for to complete this      
assemblage of singularities1 ,i was very
 glad to have this intermission2 so much
 had the novelty of these ideas struck  
me1 and such disorder did ,i feel in    
mine1 that it required time to arrange  
them4  ,it will be supposed1 that these 
eight days appeared to me as many ages2 
on the contrary1 ,i should have been    
very glad had the time been lengthened4 
,i find it difficult to describe the    

state ,i found myself in2 it was a      
strange chaos of fear and impatience1   
dreading what ,i desired1 and studying  
some civil pretext to evade my          
happiness4  ,let the warmth of my       
constitution be remembered1 my age1 and 
my heart intoxicated with love2 let my  
tender attachment to her be supposed1   
which1 far from having diminished1 had  
daily gained additional strength2 let it
 be considered that ,i was only happy   
when with her1 that my heart was full1  
not only of her bounty1 of her amiable  
disposition1 but of her shape1 of her   
person1 of herself2 in a word1 conceive 
me united to her by every affinity that 
could possibly render her dear2 nor let 
it be supposed1 that1 being ten or      
twelve years older than myself1 she     
began to grow an old woman1 or was so in
 my opinion4  ,from the time the first  
sight of her had made such an impression
 on me1 she had really altered very     
little1 and1 in my mind1 not at all4    
,to me she was ever charming1 and was   

still thought so by everyone4  ,she had 
got something jollier1 but had the same 
fine eyes1 the same clear complexion1   
the same features1 the same beautiful   
light hair1 the sane gayety1 and even   
the same voice1 whose youthful and      
silvery sound made so lively an         
impression on my heart1 that1 even to   
this day1 ,i cannot hear a young woman's
 voice1 that is at all harmonious1      
without emotion4  ,it will be seen1 that
 in a more advanced age1 the bare idea  
of some trifling favors ,i had to expect
 from the person ,i loved1 inflamed me  
so far1 that ,i could not support1 with 
any degree of patience1 the time        
necessary to traverse the short space   
that separated us2 how then1 by what    
miracle1 when in the flower of my youth1
 had ,i so little impatience for a      
happiness ,i had never tasted but in    
idea8  ,how could ,i see the moment     
advancing with more pain than pleasure8 
,why1 instead of transports that should 
have intoxicated me with their          

deliciousness1 did ,i experience only   
fears and repugnance8 ,i have no doubt  
that if ,i could have avoided this      
happiness with any degree of decency1 ,i
 should have relinquished it with all my
 heart4 ,i have promised a number of    
extravagancies in the history of my     
attachment to her2 this certainly is one
 that no idea could be formed of4  ,the 
reader 7already disgusted7 supposes1    
that being in the situation ,i have     
before described with ,claude ,anet1 she
 was already degraded in my opinion by  
this participation of her favors1 and   
that a sentiment of disesteem weakened  
those she had before inspired me with2  
but he is mistaken4  ',tis true that    
this participation gave me a cruel      
uneasiness1 as well from a very natural 
sentiment of delicacy1 as because it    
appeared unworthy both of her and       
myself2 but as to my sentiments for her1
 they were still the same1 and ,i can   
solemnly aver1 that ,i never loved her  
more tenderly than when ,i felt so      

little propensity to avail myself of her
 condescension4  ,i was too well        
acquainted with the chastity of her     
heart and the iciness of her            
constitution1 to suppose a moment that  
the gratification of the senses had any 
influence over her2 ,i was well         
convinced that her only motive was to   
guard me from dangers1 which appeared   
otherwise inevitable1 by this           
extraordinary favor1 which she did not  
consider in the same light that women   
usually do2 as will presently be        
explained4  ,the habit of living a long 
time innocently together1 far from      
weakening the first sentiments ,i felt  
for her1 had contributed to strengthen  
them1 giving a more lively1 a more      
tender1 but at the same time a less     
sensual1 turn to my affection4  ,having 
ever accustomed myself to call her ,mama
 7as formerly observed7 and enjoying the
 familiarity of a son1 it became natural
 to consider myself as such1 and ,i am  
inclined to think this was the true     

reason of that insensibility with a     
person ,i so tenderly loved2 for ,i can 
perfectly recollect that my emotions on 
first seeing her1 though not more       
lively1 were more voluptuous3 ,at       
,annecy ,i was intoxicated1 at ,chambery
 ,i possessed my reason4  ,i always     
loved her as passionately as possible1  
but ,i now loved her more for herself   
and less on my own account2 or1 at      
least1 ,i rather sought for happiness   
than pleasure in her company4  ,she was 
more to me than a sister1 a mother1 a   
friend1 or even than a mistress1 and for
 this very reason she was not a         
mistress2 in a word1 ,i loved her too   
much to desire her4  ,this day1 more    
dreaded than hoped for1 at length       
arrived4  ,i have before observed1 that 
,i promised everything that was required
 of me1 and ,i kept my word3 my heart   
confirmed my engagements without        
desiring the fruits1 though at length ,i
 obtained them4  ,was ,i happy8  ,no3 ,i
 felt ,i know not what invincible       

sadness which empoisoned my happiness1  
it seemed that ,i had committed an      
incest1 and two or three times1 pressing
 her eagerly in my arms1 ,i deluged her 
bosom with my tears4  ,on her part1 as  
she had never sought pleasure1 she had  
not the stings of remorse4  ,i repeat   
it1 all her failings were the effect of 
her errors1 never of her passions4  ,she
 was well born1 her heart was pure1 her 
manners noble1 her desires regular and  
virtuous1 her taste delicate2 she seemed
 formed for that elegant purity of      
manners which she ever loved1 but never 
practised1 because instead of listening 
to the dictates of her heart1 she       
followed those of her reason1 which led 
her astray3 for when once corrupted by  
false principles it will ever run       
counter to its natural sentiments4      
,unhappily1 she piqued herself on       
philosophy1 and the morals she drew from
 thence clouded the genuine purity of   
her heart4  ,m4 ,tavel1 her first lover1
 was also her instructor in this        

philosophy1 and the principles he       
instilled into her mind were such as    
tended to seduce her4  ,finding her cold
 and impregnable on the side of her     
passions1 and firmly attached to her    
husband and her duty1 he attacked her by
 sophisms1 endeavoring to prove that the
 list of duties she thought so sacred1  
was but a sort of catechism1 fit only   
for children4  ,that the kind of        
infidelity she thought so terrible1 was1
 in itself1 absolutely indifferent2 that
 all the morality of conjugal faith     
consisted in opinion1 the contentment of
 husbands being the only reasonable rule
 of duty in wives2 consequently that    
concealed infidelities1 doing no injury1
 could be no crime2 in a word1 he       
persuaded her that the sin consisted    
only in the scandal1 that woman being   
really virtuous who took care to appear 
so4  ,thus the deceiver obtained his end
 in the subverting the reason of a girl2
 whose heart he found it impossible to  
corrupt1 and received his punishment in 

a devouring jealousy1 being persuaded   
she would treat him as he had prevailed 
on her to treat her husband4  ,i don't  
know whether he was mistaken in this    
respect3 the ,minister ,perret passed   
for his successor2 all ,i know1 is1 that
 the coldness of temperament which it   
might have been supposed would have kept
 her from embracing this system1 in the 
end prevented her from renouncing it4   
,she could not conceive how so much     
importance should be given to what      
seemed to have none for her2 nor could  
she honor with the name of virtue1 an   
abstinence which would have cost her    
little4  ,she did not1 therefore1 give  
in to this false principle on her own   
account1 but for the sake of others2 and
 that from another maxim almost as false
 as the former1 but more consonant to   
the generosity of her disposition4  ,she
 was persuaded that nothing could attach
 a man so truly to any woman as an      
unbounded freedom1 and though she was   
only susceptible of friendship1 this    

friendship was so tender1 that she made 
use of every means which depended on her
 to secure the objects of it1 and1 which
 is very extraordinary1 almost always   
succeeded3 for she was so truly amiable1
 that an increase of intimacy was sure  
to discover additional reasons to love  
and respect her4  ,another thing worthy 
of remark is1 that after her first      
folly1 she only favored the unfortunate4
  ,lovers in a more brilliant station   
lost their labor with her1 but the man  
who at first attracted her pity1 must   
have possessed very few good qualities  
if in the end he did not obtain her     
affection4  ,even when she made an      
unworthy choice1 far from proceeding    
from base inclinations 7which were      
strangers to her noble heart7 it was the
 effect of a disposition too generous1  
humane1 compassionate1 and sensible1    
which she did not always govern with    
sufficient discernment4  ,if some false 
principles misled her1 how many         
admirable ones did she not possess1     

which never forsook her6  ,by how many  
virtues did she atone for her failings6 
if we can call by that name errors in   
which the senses had so little share4   
,the man who in one particular deceived 
her so completely1 had given her        
excellent instructions in a thousand    
others2 and her passions1 being far from
 turbulent1 permitted her to follow the 
dictates4  ,she ever acted wisely when  
her sophisms did not intervene1 and her 
designs were laudable even in her       
failings4  ,false principles might lead 
her to do ill1 but she never did        
anything which she conceived to be      
wrong4  ,she abhorred lying and         
duplicity1 was just1 equitable1 humane1 
disinterested1 true to her word1 her    
friends1 and those duties which she     
conceived to be such2 incapable of      
hatred or revenge1 and not even         
conceiving there was a merit in         
pardoning2 in fine 7to return to those  
qualities which were less excusable71   
though she did not properly value1 she  

never made a vile commerce of her       
favors2 she lavished1 but never sold    
them1 though continually reduced to     
expedients for a subsistence3 and ,i    
dare assert1 that if ,socrates could    
esteem ,aspasia1 he would have respected
 ,madam de ,warrens4  ,i am well aware  
that ascribing sensibility of heart with
 coldness of temperament to the same    
person1 ,i shall generally1 and with    
great appearance of reason1 be accused  
of a contradiction4  ,perhaps ,nature   
sported or blundered1 and this          
combination ought not to have existed2  
,i only know it did exist4  ,all those  
who know ,madam de ,warrens 7a great    
number of whom are yet living7 have had 
opportunities of knowing this was a     
fact2 ,i dare even aver she had but one 
pleasure in the world1 which was serving
 those she loved4  ,let every one argue 
on the point as he pleases1 and gravely 
prove that this cannot be2 my business  
is to declare the truth1 and not to     
enforce a belief of it4  ,i became      

acquainted with the particulars ,i have 
just related1 in those conversations    
which succeeded our union1 and alone    
rendered it delicious4 ,she was right   
when she concluded her complaisance     
would be useful to me2 ,i derived great 
advantages from it in point of useful   
instruction4 ,hitherto she had used me  
as a child1 she now began to treat me as
 a man1 and entertain me with accounts  
of herself4  ,everything she said was so
 interesting1 and ,i was so sensibly    
touched with it1 that1 reasoning with   
myself1 ,i applied these confidential   
relations to my own improvement and     
received more instruction from them than
 from her teaching4  ,when we truly feel
 that the heart speaks1 our own opens to
 receive its instructions1 nor can all  
the pompous morality of a pedagogue have
 half the effect that is produced by the
 tender1 affectionate1 and artless      
conversation of a sensible woman on him 
who loves her4  ,the intimacy in which  
,i lived with ,madam de ,warrens1 having

 placed me more advantageously in her   
opinion than formerly1 she began to     
think 7notwithstanding my awkward       
manner7 that ,i deserved cultivation for
 the polite world1 and that if ,i could 
one day show myself there in an eligible
 situation1 ,i should soon be able to   
make my way4  ,in consequence of this   
idea1 she set about forming not only my 
judgment1 but my address1 endeavoring to
 render me amiable1 as well as          
estimable2 and if it is true that       
success in this world is consistent with
 strict virtue 7which1 for my part1 ,i  
do not believe71 ,i am certain there is 
no other road than that she had taken1  
and wished to point out to me4  ,for    
,madam de ,warrens knew mankind1 and    
understood exquisitely well the art of  
treating all ranks1 without falsehood1  
and without imprudence1 neither         
deceiving nor provoking them2 but this  
art was rather in her disposition than  
her precepts1 she knew better how to    
practise than explain it1 and ,i was of 

all the world the least calculated to   
become master of such an attainment2    
accordingly1 the means employed for this
 purpose were nearly lost labor1 as well
 as the pains she took to procure me a  
fencing and a dancing master4  ,though  
very well made1 ,i could never learn to 
dance a minuet2 for being plagued with  
corns1 ,i had acquired a habit of       
walking on my heels1 which ,roche1 the  
dancing master1 could never break me of4
  ,it was still worse at the            
fencing-school1 where1 after three      
months' practice1 ,i made but very      
little progress1 and could never attempt
 fencing with any but my master4  ,my   
wrist was not supple enough1 nor my arm 
sufficiently firm to retain the foil1   
whenever he chose to make it fly out of 
my hand4  ,add to this1 ,i had a mortal 
aversion both to the art itself and to  
the person who undertook to teach it to 
me1 nor should ,i ever have imagined1   
that anyone could have been so proud of 
the science of sending men out of the   

world4  ,to bring this vast genius      
within the compass of my comprehension1 
he explained himself by comparisons     
drawn from music1 which he understood   
nothing of4  ,he found striking         
analogies between a hit in 'quarte' or  
'tierce' with the intervals of music    
which bears those names3 when he made a 
feint he cried out1 take care of this   
'diesis'1 because anciently they called 
the 'diesis' a feint3 and when he had   
made the foil fly from my hand1 he would
 add1 with a sneer1 that this was a     
pause3 in a word1 ,i never in my life   
saw a more insupportable pedant4  ,i    
made1 therefore1 but little progress in 
my exercises1 which ,i presently quitted
 from pure disgust2 but ,i succeeded    
better in an art of a thousand times    
more value1 namely1 that of being       
content with my situation1 and not      
desiring one more brilliant1 for which  
,i began to be persuaded that ,nature   
had not designed me4  ,given up to the  
endeavor of rendering ,madam de ,warrens

 happy1 ,i was ever best pleased when in
 her company1 and1 notwithstanding my   
fondness for music1 began to grudge the 
time ,i employed in giving lessons to my
 scholars4  ,i am ignorant whether ,anet
 perceived the full extent of our union2
 but ,i am inclined to think he was no  
stranger to it4  ,he was a young man of 
great penetration1 and still greater    
discretion2 who never belied his        
sentiments1 but did not always speak    
them3 without giving me the least hint  
that he was acquainted with our         
intimacy1 he appeared by his conduct to 
be so2 nor did this moderation proceed  
from baseness of soul1 but1 having      
entered entirely into the principles of 
his mistress1 he could not reasonably   
disapprove of the natural consequences  
of them4  ,though as young as herself1  
he was so grave and thoughtful1 that he 
looked on us as two children who        
required indulgence1 and we regarded him
 as a respectable man1 whose esteem we  
had to preserve4  ,it was not until     

after she was unfaithful to ,anet1 that 
,i learned the strength of her          
attachment to him4  ,she was fully      
sensible that ,i only thought1 felt1 or 
lived for her2 she let me see1          
therefore1 how much she loved ,anet1    
that ,i might love him likewise1 and    
dwell less on her friendship1 than on   
her esteem1 for him1 because this was   
the sentiment that ,i could most fully  
partake of4  ,how often has she affected
 our hearts and made us embrace with    
tears1 by assuring us that we were both 
necessary to her happiness6 ,let not    
women read this with an ill-natured     
smile2 with the temperament she         
possessed1 this necessity was not       
equivocal1 it was only that of the      
heart4  ,thus there was established1    
among us three1 a union without example1
 perhaps1 on the face of the earth4     
,all our wishes1 our cares1 our very    
hearts1 were for each other1 and        
absolutely confined to this little      
circle4  ,the habit of living together1 

and living exclusively from the rest of 
the world1 became so strong1 that if at 
our repasts one of the three was        
wanting1 or a fourth person came in1    
everything seemed deranged2 and1        
notwithstanding our particular          
attachments1 even our tete-a-tete were  
less agreeable than our reunion4  ,what 
banished every species of constraint    
from our little community1 was a lively 
reciprocal confidence1 and dulness or   
insipidity could find no place among us1
 because we were always fully employed4 
,madam de ,warrens always projecting1   
always busy1 left us no time for        
idleness1 though1 indeed1 we had each   
sufficient employment on our own        
account4  ,it is my maxim1 that idleness
 is as much the pest of society as of   
solitude4  ,nothing more contracts the  
mind1 or engenders more tales1 mischief1
 gossiping1 and lies1 than for people to
 be eternally shut up in the same       
apartment together1 and reduced1 from   
the want of employment1 to the necessity

 of an incessant chat4  ,when every one 
is busy 7unless you have really         
something to say71 you may continue     
silent2 but if you have nothing to do1  
you must absolutely speak continually1  
and this1 in my mind1 is the most       
burdensome and the most dangerous       
constraint4  ,i will go further1 and    
maintain1 that to render company        
harmless1 as well as agreeable1 it is   
necessary1 not only that they should    
have something to do1 but something that
 requires a degree of attention4        
,knitting1 for instance1 is absolutely  
as bad as doing nothing2 you must take  
as much pains to amuse a woman whose    
fingers are thus employed1 as if she sat
 with her arms crossed2 but let her     
embroider1 and it is a different matter2
 she is then so far busied1 that a few  
intervals of silence may be borne with4 
,what is most disgusting and ridiculous1
 during these intermissions of          
conversation1 is to see1 perhaps1 a     
dozen over-grown fellows1 get up1 sit   

down again1 walk backwards and forwards1
 turn on their heels1 play with the     
chimney ornaments1 and rack their brains
 to maintain an inexhaustible chain of  
words3 what a charming occupation6      
,such people1 wherever they go1 must be 
troublesome both to others and          
themselves4  ,when ,i was at ,motiers1  
,i used to employ myself in making laces
 with my neighbors1 and were ,i again to
 mix with the world1 ,i would always    
carry a cup-and-ball in my pocket2 ,i   
should sometimes play with it the whole 
day1 that ,i might not be constrained to
 speak when ,i had nothing to discourse 
about2 and ,i am persuaded1 that if     
every one would do the same1 mankind    
would be less mischievous1 their company
 would become more rational1 and1 in my 
opinion1 a vast deal more agreeable2 in 
a word1 let wits laugh if they please1  
but ,i maintain1 that the only practical
 lesson of morality within the reach of 
the present age1 is that of the         
cup-and-ball4  ,at ,chambery they did   

not give us the trouble of studying     
expedients to avoid weariness1 when by  
ourselves1 for a troop of important     
visitors gave us too much by their      
company1 to feel any when alone4  ,the  
annoyance they formerly gave me had not 
diminished2 all the difference was1 that
 ,i now found less opportunity to       
abandon myself to my dissatisfaction4   
,poor ,madam de ,warrens had not lost   
her old predilection for schemes and    
systems2 on the contrary1 the more she  
felt the pressure of her domestic       
necessities1 the more she endeavored to 
extricate herself from them by visionary
 projects2 and1 in proportion to the    
decrease of her present resources1 she  
contrived to enlarge1 in idea1 those of 
the future4 ,increase of years only     
strengthened this folly3 as she lost her
 relish for the pleasures of the world  
and youth1 she replaced it by an        
additional fondness for secrets and     
projects2 her house was never clear of  
quacks1 contrivers of new manufactures1 

alchemists1 projects of all kinds and of
 all descriptions1 whose discourses     
began by a distribution of millions and 
concluded by giving you to understand   
that they were in want of a             
crown--piece4  ,no one went from her    
empty-handed2 and what astonished me    
most was1 how she could so long support 
such profusion1 without exhausting the  
source or wearying her creditors4  ,her 
principal project at the time ,i am now 
speaking of was that of establishing a  
,royal ,physical ,garden at ,chambery1  
with a ,demonstrator attached to it2 it 
will be unnecessary to add for whom this
 office was designed4  ,the situation of
 this city1 in the midst of the ,alps1  
was extremely favorable to botany1 and  
as ,madam de ,warrens was always for    
helping out one project with another1 a 
,college of ,pharmacy was to be added1  
which really would have been a very     
useful foundation in so poor a country1 
where apothecaries are almost the only  
medical practitioners4 ,the retreat of  

the chief physician1 ,grossi1 to        
,chambery1 on the demise of ,king       
,victor1 seemed to favor this idea1 or  
perhaps1 first suggest it2 however this 
may be1 by flattery and attention she   
set about managing ,grossi1 who1 in     
fact1 was not very manageable1 being the
 most caustic and brutal1 for a man who 
had any pretensions to the quality of a 
gentleman1 that ever ,i knew4  ,the     
reader may judge for himself by two or  
three traits of character1 which ,i     
shall add by way of specimen4  ,he      
assisted one day at a consultation with 
some other doctors1 and among the rest1 
a young gentleman from ,annecy1 who was 
physician in ordinary to the sick       
person4  ,this young man1 being but     
indifferently taught for a doctor1 was  
bold enough to differ in opinion from   
,m4 ,grossi1 who only answered him by   
asking him when he should return1 which 
way he meant to take1 and what          
conveyance he should make use of8  ,the 
other1 having satisfied ,grossi in these

 particulars1 asked him if there was    
anything he could serve him in8         
,nothing1 nothing1 answered he1 only ,i 
shall place myself at a window in your  
way1 that ,i may have the pleasure of   
seeing an ass ride on horseback4  ,his  
avarice equalled his riches and want of 
feeling4  ,one of his friends wanted to 
borrow some money of him1 on good       
security4  ,my friend1 answered he1     
shaking him by the arm1 and grinding his
 teeth1 ,should ,st4 ,peter descend from
 heaven to borrow ten pistoles of me1   
and offer the ,trinity as securities1 ,i
 would not lend them4  ,one day1 being  
invited to dinner with ,count ,picon1   
,governor of ,savoy1 who was very       
religious1 he arrived before it was     
ready1 and found his excellency busy    
with his devotions1 who proposed to him 
the same employment2 not knowing how to 
refuse1 he knelt down with a frightful  
grimace1 but had hardly recited two     
,ave-,marias1 when1 not being able to   
contain himself any longer1 he rose     

hastily1 snatched his hat and cane1 and 
without speaking a word1 was making     
toward the door2 ,count ,picon ran after
 him1 crying1 ,monsieur ,grossi6        
,monsieur ,grossi6 stop1 there's a most 
excellent ortolan on the spit for you4  
,monsieur le ,count1 replied the other1 
turning his head1 though you should give
 me a roasted angel1 ,i would not stay4 
,such was ,m4 ,grossi1 whom ,madam de   
,warrens undertook and succeeded in     
civilizing4  ,though his time was very  
much occupied1 he accustomed himself to 
come frequently to her house1 conceived 
a friendship for ,anet1 seemed to think 
him intelligent1 spoke of him with      
esteem1 and1 what would not have been   
expected of such a brute1 affected to   
treat him with respect1 wishing to      
efface the impressions of the past2 for 
though ,anet was no longer on the       
footing of a domestic1 it was known that
 he had been one1 and nothing less than 
the countenance and example of the chief
 physician was necessary to set an      

example of respect which would not      
otherwise have been paid him4  ,thus    
,claude ,anet1 with a black coat1 a     
well-dressed wig1 a grave1 decent       
behavior1 a circumspect conduct1 and a  
tolerable knowledge in medical and      
botanical matters1 might reasonably have
 hoped to fill1 with universal          
satisfaction1 the place of public       
demonstrator1 had the proposed          
establishment taken place4  ,grossi     
highly approved the plan1 and only      
waited an opportunity to propose it to  
the administration1 whenever a return of
 peace should permit them to think of   
useful institutions1 and enable them to 
spare the necessary pecuniary supplies4 
,but this project1 whose execution would
 probably have plunged me into botanical
 studies1 for which ,i am inclined to   
think ,nature designed me1 failed       
through one of those unexpected strokes 
which frequently overthrow the best     
concerted plans4  ,i was destined to    
become an example of human misery2 and  

it might be said that ,providence1 who  
called me by degrees to these           
extraordinary trials1 disconcerted every
 opportunity that could prevent my      
encountering them4  ,in an excursion    
which ,anet made to the top of the      
mountain to seek for genipi1 a scarce   
plant that grows only on the ,alps1 and 
which ,monsieur ,grossi had occasion    
for1 unfortunately he heated himself so 
much1 that he was seized with a         
pleurisy1 which the genipi could not    
relieve1 though said to be specific in  
that disorder2 and1 notwithstanding all 
the art of ,grossi 7who certainly was   
very skillful71 and all the care of his 
good mistress and myself1 he died the   
fifth day of his disorder1 in the most  
cruel agonies4  ,during his illness he  
had no exhortations but mine1 bestowed  
with such transports of grief and zeal1 
that had he been in a state to          
understand them1 they must have been    
some consolation to him4 ,thus ,i lost  
the firmest friend ,i ever had2 a man   

estimable and extraordinary2 in whom    
,nature supplied the defects of         
education1 and who 7though in a state of
 servitude7 possessed all the virtues   
necessary to form a great man1 which1   
perhaps1 he would have shown himself1   
and been acknowledged1 had he lived to  
fill the situation he seemed so         
perfectly adapted to4  ,the next day ,i 
spoke of him to ,madam de ,warrens with 
the most sincere and lively affection2  
when1 suddenly1 in the midst of our     
conversation1 the vile1 ungrateful      
thought occurred1 that ,i should inherit
 his wardrobe1 and particularly a       
handsome black coat1 which ,i thought   
very becoming4 ,as ,i thought this1 ,i  
consequently uttered it2 for when with  
her1 to think and to speak was the same 
thing4  ,nothing could have made her    
feel more forcibly the loss she had     
sustained1 than this unworthy and odious
 observation2 disinterestedness and     
greatness of soul being qualities that  
poor ,anet had eminently possessed4     

,the generous ,madam de ,warrens turned 
from me1 and 7without any reply7 burst  
into tears4  ,dear and precious tears6  
your reprehension was fully felt2 ye ran
 into my very heart1 washing from thence
 even the smallest traces of such       
despicable and unworthy sentiments1     
never to return4  ,this loss caused     
,madam de ,warrens as much inconvenience
 as sorrow1 since from this moment her  
affairs were still more deranged4  ,anet
 was extremely exact1 and kept          
everything in order2 his vigilance was  
universally feared1 and this set some   
bounds to that profusion they were too  
apt to run into2 even ,madam de         
,warrens1 to avoid his censure1 kept her
 dissipation within bounds2 his         
attachment was not sufficient1 she      
wished to preserve his esteem1 and avoid
 the just remonstrances he sometimes    
took the liberty to make her1 by        
representing that she squandered the    
property of others as well as her own4  
,i thought as he did1 nay1 ,i even      

sometimes expressed myself to the same  
effect1 but had not an equal ascendancy 
over her1 and my advice did not make the
 same impression4  ,on his decease1 ,i  
was obliged to occupy his place1 for    
which ,i had as little inclination as   
abilities1 and therefore filled it ill4 
,i was not sufficiently careful1 and so 
very timid1 that though ,i frequently   
found fault to myself1 ,i saw           
ill-management without taking courage to
 oppose it2 besides1 though ,i acquired 
an equal share of respect1 ,i had not   
the same authority4  ,i saw the disorder
 that prevailed1 trembled at it1        
sometimes complained1 but was never     
attended to4  ,i was too young and      
lively to have any pretensions to the   
exercise of reason1 and when ,i would   
have acted the reformer1 ,madam de      
,warrens calling me her little ,mentor1 
with two or three playful slaps on the  
cheek1 reduced me to my natural         
thoughtlessness4  ,notwithstanding1 an  
idea of the certain distress in which   

her ill-regulated expenses1 sooner or   
later1 must necessarily plunge her1 made
 a stronger impression on me since ,i   
had become the inspector of her         
household1 and had a better opportunity 
of calculating the inequality that      
subsisted between her income and her    
expenses4  ,i even date from this period
 the beginning of that inclination to   
avarice which ,i have ever since been   
sensible of4 ,i was never foolishly     
prodigal1 except by intervals2 but till 
then ,i was never concerned whether ,i  
had much or little money4  ,i now began 
to pay more attention to this           
circumstance1 taking care of my purse1  
and becoming mean from a laudable       
motive2 for ,i only sought to insure    
,madam de ,warrens some resources       
against that catastrophe which ,i       
dreaded the approach of4  ,i feared her 
creditors would seize her pension or    
that it might be discontinued and she   
reduced to want1 when ,i foolishly      
imagined that the trifle ,i could save  

might be of essential service to her2   
but to accomplish this1 it was necessary
 ,i should conceal what ,i meant to make
 a reserve of2 for it would have been an
 awkward circumstance1 while she was    
perpetually driven to expedients1 to    
have her know that ,i hoarded money4    
,accordingly1 ,i sought out some        
hiding-place1 where ,i laid up a few    
louis1 resolving to augment this stock  
from time to time1 till a convenient    
opportunity to lay it at her feet2 but  
,i was so incautious in the choice of my
 repositories1 that she always          
discovered them1 and1 to convince me    
that she did so1 changed the louis ,i   
had concealed for a larger sum in       
different pieces of coin4  ,ashamed of  
these discoveries1 ,i brought back to   
the common purse my little treasure1    
which she never failed to lay out in    
clothes1 or other things for my use1    
such as a silver hilted sword1 watch1   
etc4  ,being convinced that ,i should   
never succeed in accumulating money1 and

 that what ,i could save would furnish  
but a very slender resource against the 
misfortune ,i dreaded1 made me wish to  
place myself in such a situation that ,i
 might be enabled to provide for her1   
whenever she might chance to be reduced 
to want4  ,unhappily1 seeking these     
resources on the side of my             
inclinations1 ,i foolishly determined to
 consider music as my principal         
dependence2 and ideas of harmony rising 
in my brain1 ,i imagined1 that if placed
 in a proper situation to profit by     
them1 ,i should acquire celebrity1 and  
presently become a modern ,orpheus1     
whose mystic sounds would attract all   
the riches of ,peru4  ,as ,i began to   
read music tolerably well1 the question 
was1 how ,i should learn composition8   
,the difficulty lay in meeting with a   
good master1 for1 with the assistance of
 my ,rameau alone1 ,i despaired of ever 
being able to accomplish it2 and1 since 
the departure of ,m4 le ,maitre1 there  
was nobody in ,savoy who understood     

anything of the principles of harmony4  
,i am now about to relate another of    
those inconsequences1 which my life is  
full of1 and which have so frequently   
carried me directly from my designs1    
even when ,i thought myself immediately 
within reach of them4 ,venture had      
spoken to me in very high terms of the  
,abbe ,blanchard1 who had taught him    
composition2 a deserving man1 possessed 
of great talents1 who was music-master  
to the cathedral at ,besancon1 and is   
now in that capacity at the ,chapel of  
,versailles4  ,i therefore determined to
 go to ,besancon1 and take some lessons 
from the ,abbe ,blanchard1 and the idea 
appeared so rational to me1 that ,i soon
 made ,madam de ,warrens of the same    
opinion1 who immediately set about the  
preparations for my journey1 in the same
 style of profusion with which all her  
plans were executed4  ,thus this project
 for preventing a bankruptcy1 and       
repairing in future the waste of        
dissipation1 began by causing her to    

expend eight hundred livres2 her ruin   
being accelerated that ,i might be put  
in a condition to prevent it4  ,foolish 
as this conduct may appear1 the illusion
 was complete on my part1 and even on   
hers1 for ,i was persuaded ,i should    
labor for her emolument1 and she thought
 she was highly promoting mine4  ,i     
expected to find ,venture still at      
,annecy1 and promised myself to obtain a
 recommendatory letter from him to the  
,abbe ,blanchard2 but he had left that  
place1 and ,i was obliged to content    
myself in the room of it1 with a mass in
 four parts of his composition1 which he
 had left with me4  ,with this slender  
recommendation ,i set out for ,besancon 
by the way of ,geneva1 where ,i saw my  
relations2 and through ,nion1 where ,i  
saw my father1 who received me in his   
usual manner1 and promised to forward my
 portmanteau1 which1 as ,i travelled on 
horseback1 came after me4  ,i arrived at
 ,besancon1 and was kindly received by  
the ,abbe ,blanchard1 who promised me   

his instruction1 and offered his        
services in any other particular4  ,we  
had just set about our music1 when ,i   
received a letter from my father1       
informing me that my portmanteau had    
been seized and confiscated at ,rousses1
 a ,french barrier on the side of       
,switzerland4  ,alarmed at the news1 ,i 
employed the acquaintance ,i had formed 
at ,besancon1 to learn the motive of    
this confiscation4  ,being certain there
 was nothing contraband among my        
baggage1 ,i could not conceive on what  
pretext it could have been seized on2 at
 length1 however1 ,i learned the rights 
of the story1 which 7as it is a very    
curious one7 must not be omitted4  ,i   
became acquainted at ,chambery with a   
very worthy old man1 from ,lyons1 named 
,monsieur ,duvivier1 who had been       
employed at the ,visa1 under the        
regency1 and for want of other business1
 now assisted at the ,survey4  ,he had  
lived in the polite world1 possessed    
talents1 was good-humored1 and          

understood music4  ,as we both wrote in 
the same chamber1 we preferred each     
other's acquaintance to that of the     
unlicked cubs that surrounded us4  ,he  
had some correspondents at ,paris1 who  
furnished him with those little         
nothings1 those daily novelties1 which  
circulate one knows not why1 and die one
 cares not when1 without any one        
thinking of them longer than they are   
heard4  ,as ,i sometimes took him to    
dine with ,madam de ,warrens1 he in some
 measure treated me with respect1 and   
7wishing to render himself agreeable7   
endeavored to make me fond of these     
trifles1 for which ,i naturally had such
 a distaste1 that ,i never in my life   
read any of them4  ,unhappily one of    
these cursed papers happened to be in   
the waistcoat pocket of a new suit1     
which ,i had only worn two or three     
times to prevent its being seized by the
 commissioners of the customs4  ,this   
paper contained an insipid ,jansenist   
parody on that beautiful scene in       

,racine's ,mithridates3 ,i had not read 
ten lines of it1 but by forgetfulness   
left it in my pocket1 and this caused   
all my necessaries to be confiscated4   
,the commissioners at the head of the   
inventory of my portmanteau1 set a most 
pompous verbal process1 in which it was 
taken for granted that this most        
terrible writing came from ,geneva for  
the sole purpose of being printed and   
distributed in ,france1 and then ran    
into holy invectives against the enemies
 of ,god and the ,church1 and praised   
the pious vigilance of those who had    
prevented the execution of these most   
infernal machinations4  ,they doubtless 
found also that my spirits smelt of     
heresy1 for on the strength of this     
dreadful paper1 they were all seized1   
and from that time ,i never received any
 account of my unfortunate portmanteau4 
,the revenue officers whom ,i applied to
 for this purpose required so many      
instructions1 informations1             
certificates1 memorials1 etc41 etc41    

that1 lost a thousand times in the      
perplexing labyrinth1 ,i was glad to    
abandon them entirely4  ,i feel a real  
regret for not having preserved this    
verbal process from the office of       
,rousses1 for it was a piece calculated 
to hold a distinguished rank in the     
collection which is to accompany this   
,work4  ,the loss of my necessities     
immediately brought me back to          
,chambery1 without having learned       
anything of the ,abbe ,blanchard4       
,reasoning with myself on the events of 
this journey1 and seeing that           
misfortunes attended all my enterprises1
 ,i resolved to attach myself entirely  
to ,madam de ,warrens1 to share her     
fortune1 and distress myself no longer  
about future events1 which ,i could not 
regulate4  ,she received me as if ,i had
 brought back treasures1 replaced by    
degrees my little wardrobe1 and though  
this misfortune fell heavy enough on us 
both1 it was forgotten almost as        
suddenly as it arrived4  ,though this   

mischance had rather dampened my musical
 ardor1 ,i did not leave off studying my
 ,rameau1 and1 by repeated efforts1 was 
at length able to understand it1 and to 
make some little attempts at            
composition1 the success of which       
encouraged me to proceed4  ,the ,count  
de ,bellegrade1 son of the ,marquis of  
,antremont1 had returned from ,dresden  
after the death of ,king ,augustus4     
,having long resided at ,paris1 he was  
fond of music1 and particularly that of 
,rameau4  ,his brother1 the ,count of   
,nangis1 played on the violin2 the      
,countess la ,tour1 their sister1 sung  
tolerably3 this rendered music the      
fashion at ,chambery1 and a kind of     
public concert was established there1   
the direction of which was at first     
designed for me1 but they soon          
discovered ,i was not competent to the  
undertaking1 and it was otherwise       
arranged4  ,notwithstanding this1 ,i    
continued writing a number of little    
pieces1 in my own way1 and1 among       

others1 a cantata1 which gained great   
approbation2 it could not1 indeed1 be   
called a finished piece1 but the airs   
were written in a style of novelty1 and 
produced a good effect1 which was not   
expected from me4 ,these gentlemen could
 not believe that1 reading music so     
indifferently1 it was possible ,i should
 compose any that was passable1 and made
 no doubt that ,i had taken to myself   
the credit of some other person's       
labors4 ,monsieur de ,nangis1 wishing to
 be assured of this1 called on me one   
morning with a cantata of ,clerambault's
 which he had transposed as he said1 to 
suit his voice1 and to which another    
bass was necessary1 the transposition   
having rendered that of ,clerambault    
impracticable4  ,i answered1 it required
 considerable labor1 and could not be   
done on the spot4  ,being convinced ,i  
only sought an excuse1 he pressed me to 
write at least the bass to a recitative3
 ,i did so1 not well1 doubtless1 because
 to attempt anything with success ,i    

must have both time and freedom1 but ,i 
did it at least according to rule1 and  
he being present1 could not doubt but ,i
 understood the elements of composition4
  ,i did not1 therefore1 lose my        
scholars1 though it hurt my pride that  
there should be a concert at ,chambery  
in which ,i was not necessary4  ,about  
this time1 peace being concluded1 the   
,french army repassed the ,alps4        
,several officers came to visit ,madam  
de ,warrens1 and among others the ,count
 de ,lautrec1 ,colonel of the regiment  
of ,orleans1 since ,plenipotentiary of  
,geneva1 and afterwards ,marshal of     
,france1 to whom she presented me4  ,on 
her recommendation1 he appeared to      
interest himself greatly in my behalf1  
promising a great deal1 which he never  
remembered till the last year of his    
life1 when ,i no longer stood in need of
 his assistance4  ,the young ,marquis of
 ,sennecterre1 whose father was then    
ambassador at ,turin1 passed through    
,chambery at the same time1 and dined   

one day at ,m4 de ,menthon's1 when ,i   
happened to be among the guests4 ,after 
dinner2 the discourse turned on music1  
which the marquis understood extremely  
well4  ,the opera of ',jephtha' was then
 new2 he mentioned this piece1 it was   
brought him1 and he made me tremble by  
proposing to execute it between us4  ,he
 opened the book at that celebrated     
double chorus1                      ,la 
,terra1 l',enfer1 le ,ciel meme1        
,tout tremble devant le ,seigneur6      
,the ,earth1 and ,hell1 and ,heaven     
itself1                tremble before   
the ,lord6  ,he said1 ,how many parts   
will you take8  ,i will do these six4   
,i had not yet been accustomed to this  
trait of ,french vivacity1 and though   
acquainted with divisions1 could not    
comprehend how one man could undertake  
to perform six1 or even two parts at the
 same time4  ,nothing has cost me more  
trouble in music than to skip lightly   
from one part to another1 and have the  
eye at once on a whole division4  ,by   

the manner in which ,i evaded this      
trial1 he must have been inclined to    
believe ,i did not understand music1 and
 perhaps it was to satisfy himself in   
this particular that he proposed my     
noting a song for ,mademoiselle de      
,menthon1 in such a manner that ,i could
 not avoid it4  ,he sang this song1 and 
,i wrote from his voice1 without giving 
him much trouble to repeat it4  ,when   
finished he read my performance1 and    
said 7which was very true7 that it was  
very correctly noted4  ,he had observed 
my embarrassment1 and now seemed to     
enhance the merit of this little        
success4  ,in reality1 ,i then          
understood music very well1 and only    
wanted that quickness at first sight    
which ,i possess in no one particular1  
and which is only to be acquired in this
 art by long and constant practice4  ,be
 that as it may1 ,i was fully sensible  
of his kindness in endeavoring to efface
 from the minds of others1 and even from
 my own1 the embarrassment ,i had       

experienced on this occasion4  ,twelve  
or fifteen years afterwards1 meeting    
this gentleman at several houses in     
,paris1 ,i was tempted to make him      
recollect this anecdote1 and show him ,i
 still remembered it2 but he had lost   
his sight since that time2 ,i feared to 
give him pain by recalling to his memory
 how useful it formerly had been to him1
 and was therefore silent on that       
subject4  ,i now touch on the moment    
that binds my past existence to the     
present1 some friendships of that       
period1 prolonged to the present time1  
being very dear to me1 have frequently  
made me regret that happy obscurity1    
when those who called themselves my     
friends were really so2 loved me for    
myself1 through pure good will1 and not 
from the vanity of being acquainted with
 a conspicuous character1 perhaps for   
the secret purpose of finding more      
occasions to injure him4  ,from this    
time ,i date my first acquaintance with 
my old friend ,gauffecourt1 who1        

notwithstanding every effort to disunite
 us1 has still remained so4--,still     
remained so6--,no1 alas6  ,i have just  
lost him6--but his affection terminated 
only with his life--death alone could   
put a period to our friendship4         
,monsieur de ,gauffecourt was one of the
 most amiable men that ever existed2 it 
was impossible to see him without       
affection1 or to live with him without  
feeling a sincere attachment4 ,in my    
life ,i never saw features more         
expressive of goodness and serenity1 or 
that marked more feeling1 more          
understanding1 or inspired greater      
confidence4  ,however reserved one might
 be1 it was impossible even at first    
sight to avoid being as free with him as
 if he had been an acquaintance of      
twenty years2 for myself1 who find so   
much difficulty to be at ease among new 
faces1 ,i was familiar with him in a    
moment4 ,his manner1 accent1 and        
conversation1 perfectly suited his      
features3 the sound of his voice was    

clear1 full and musical2 it was an      
agreeable and expressive bass1 which    
satisfied the ear1 and sounded full upon
 the heart4  ,it was impossible to      
possess a more equal and pleasing       
vivacity1 or more real and unaffected   
gracefulness1 more natural talents1 or  
cultivated with greater taste2 join to  
all these good qualities an affectionate
 heart1 but loving rather too           
diffusively1 and bestowing his favors   
with too little caution2 serving his    
friends with zeal1 or rather making     
himself the friend of every one he could
 serve1 yet contriving very dexterously 
to manage his own affairs1 while warmly 
pursuing the interests of others4       
,gauffecourt was the son of a           
clock-maker1 and would have been a      
clock-maker himself had not his person  
and desert called him to a superior     
situation4  ,he became acquainted with  
,m4 de la ,closure1 the ,french         
,resident at ,geneva1 who conceived a   
friendship for him1 and procured him    

some connections at ,paris1 which were  
useful1 and through whose influence he  
obtained the privilege of furnishing the
 salts of ,valais1 which was worth      
twenty thousand livres a year4  ,this   
very amply satisfied his wishes with    
respect to fortune1 but with regard to  
women he was more difficult2 he had to  
provide for his own happiness1 and did  
what he supposed most conducive to it4  
,what renders his character most        
remarkable1 and does him the greatest   
honor1 is1 that though connected with   
all conditions1 he was universally      
esteemed and sought after without being 
envied or hated by any one1 and ,i      
really believe he passed through life   
without a single enemy4--,happy man6    
,he went every year to the baths of     
,aix1 where the best company from the   
neighboring countries resorted1 and     
being on terms of friendship with all   
the nobility of ,savoy1 came from ,aix  
to ,chambery to see the young ,count de 
,bellegarde and his father the ,marquis 

of ,antremont4  ,it was here ,madam de  
,warrens introduced me to him1 and this 
acquaintance1 which appeared at that    
time to end in nothing1 after many years
 had elapsed1 was renewed on an occasion
 which ,i should relate1 when it became 
a real friendship4 ,i apprehend ,i am   
sufficiently authorized in speaking of a
 man to whom ,i was so firmly attached1 
but ,i had no personal interest in what 
concerned him2 he was so truly amiable1 
and born with so many natural good      
qualities that1 for the honor of human  
nature1 ,i should think it necessary to 
preserve his memory4  ,this man1        
estimable as he certainly was1 had1 like
 other mortals1 some failings1 as will  
be seen hereafter2 perhaps had it not   
been so1 he would have been less        
amiable1 since1 to render him as        
interesting as possible1 it was         
necessary he should sometimes act in    
such a manner as to require a small     
portion of indulgence4  ,another        
connection of the same time1 that is not

 yet extinguished1 and continues to     
flatter me with the idea of temporal    
happiness1 which it is so difficult to  
obliterate from the human heart1 is     
,monsieur de ,conzie1 a ,savoyard       
gentleman1 then young and amiable1 who  
had a fancy to learn music1 or rather to
 be acquainted with the person who      
taught it4 ,with great understanding and
 taste for polite acquirements1 ,m4 de  
,conzie possessed a mildness of         
disposition which rendered him extremely
 attractive1 and my temper being        
somewhat similar1 when it found a       
counterpart1 our friendship was soon    
formed4  ,the seeds of literature and   
philosophy1 which began to ferment in my
 brain1 and only waited for culture and 
emulation to spring up1 found in him    
exactly what was wanting to render them 
prolific4  ,m4 de ,conzie had no great  
inclination to music1 and even this was 
useful to me1 for the hours destined for
 lessons were passed anyhow rather than 
musically2 we breakfasted1 chatted1 and 

read new publications1 but not a word of
 music4  ,the correspondence between    
,voltaire and the ,prince ,royal of     
,prussia1 then made a noise in the      
world1 and these celebrated men were    
frequently the subject of our           
conversation1 one of whom recently      
seated on a throne1 already indicated   
what he would prove himself hereafter1  
while the other1 as much disgraced as he
 is now admired1 made us sincerely      
lament the misfortunes that seemed to   
pursue him1 and which are so frequently 
the appendage of superior talents4  ,the
 ,prince of ,prussia had not been happy 
in his youth1 and it appeared that      
,voltaire was formed never to be so4    
,the interest we took in both parties   
extended to all that concerned them1 and
 nothing that ,voltaire wrote escaped   
us4  ,the inclination ,i felt for these 
performances inspired me with a desire  
to write elegantly1 and caused me to    
endeavor to imitate the colorings of    
that author1 with whom ,i was so much   

enchanted4  ,some time after1 his       
philosophical letters 7though certainly 
not his best work7 greatly augmented my 
fondness for study2 it was a rising     
inclination1 which1 from that time1 has 
never been extinguished4  ,but the      
moment was not yet arrived when ,i      
should give into it entirely2 my        
rambling disposition 7rather contracted 
than eradicated7 being kept alive by our
 manner of living at ,madam de ,warrens1
 which was too unsettled for one of my  
solitary temper4  ,the crowd of         
strangers who daily swarmed about her   
from all parts1 and the certainty ,i was
 in that these people sought only to    
dupe her1 each in his particular mode1  
rendered home disagreeable4  ,since ,i  
had succeeded ,anet in the confidence of
 his mistress1 ,i had strictly examined 
her circumstances1 and saw their evil   
tendency with horror4  ,i had           
remonstrated a hundred times1 prayed1   
argued1 conjured1 but all to no purpose4
  ,i had thrown myself at her feet1 and 

strongly represented the catastrophe    
that threatened her1 had earnestly      
entreated that she would reform her     
expenses1 and begin with myself1        
representing that it was better to      
suffer something while she was yet      
young1 than by multiplying her debts and
 creditors1 expose her old age to       
vexation and misery4  ,sensible of the  
sincerity of my zeal1 she was frequently
 affected1 and would then make the      
finest promises in the world3 but only  
let an artful schemer arrive1 and in an 
instant all her good resolutions were   
forgotten4  ,after a thousand proofs of 
the inefficacy of my remonstrances1 what
 remained but to turn away my eyes from 
the ruin ,i could not prevent2 and fly  
myself from the door ,i could not guard6
 ,i made therefore little journeys to   
,geneva and ,lyons1 which diverted my   
mind in some measure from this secret   
uneasiness1 though it increased the     
cause by these additional expenses4  ,i 
can truly aver that ,i should have      

acquiesed with pleasure in every        
retrenchment1 had ,madam de ,warrens    
really profited by it1 but being        
persuaded that what ,i might refuse     
myself would be distributed among a set 
of interested villains1 ,i took         
advantage of her easiness to partake    
with them1 and1 like the dog returning  
from the shambles1 carried off a portion
 of that morsel which ,i could not      
protect4  ,pretences were not wanting   
for all these journeys2 even ,madam de  
,warrens would alone have supplied me   
with more than were necessary1 having   
plenty of connections1 negotiations1    
affairs1 and commissions1 which she     
wished to have executed by some trusty  
hand4  ,in these cases she usually      
applied to me2 ,i was always willing to 
go1 and consequently found occasions    
enough to furnish out a rambling kind of
 life4  ,these excursions procured me   
some good connections1 which have since 
been agreeable or useful to me4  ,among 
others1 ,i met at ,lyons1 with ,m4      

,perrichon1 whose friendship ,i accuse  
myself with not having sufficiently     
cultivated1 considering the kindness he 
had for me2 and that of the good        
,parisot1 which ,i shall speak of in its
 place1 at ,grenoble1 that of ,madam    
,deybens and ,madam la ,presidente de   
,bardonanche1 a woman of great          
understanding1 and who would have       
entertained a friendship for me had it  
been in my power to have seen her       
oftener2 at ,geneva1 that of ,m4 de     
,closure1 the ,french ,resident1 who    
often spoke to me of my mother1 the     
remembrance of whom neither death nor   
time had erased from his heart2 likewise
 those of the two ,barillots1 the       
father1 who was very amiable1 a good    
companion1 and one of the most worthy   
men ,i ever met1 calling me his         
grandson4  ,during the troubles of the  
republic1 these two citizens took       
contrary sides1 the son siding with the 
people1 the father with the magistrates4
  ,when they took up arms in #agcg1 ,i  

was at ,geneva1 and saw the father and  
son quit the same house armed1 the one  
going to the townhouse1 the other to his
 quarters1 almost certain to meet face  
to face in the course of two hours1 and 
prepared to give or receive death from  
each other4  ,this unnatural sight made 
so lively an impression on me1 that ,i  
solemnly vowed never to interfere in any
 civil war1 nor assist in deciding our  
internal dispute by arms1 either        
personally or by my influence1 should ,i
 ever enter into my rights as a citizen4
  ,i can bring proofs of having kept    
this oath on a very delicate occasion1  
and it will be confessed 7at least ,i   
should suppose so7 that this moderation 
was of some worth4  ,but ,i had not yet 
arrived at that fermentation of         
patriotism which the first sight of     
,geneva in arms has since excited in my 
heart1 as may be conjectured by a very  
grave fact that will not tell to my     
advantage1 which ,i forgot to put in its
 proper place1 but which ought not to be

 omitted4  ,my uncle ,bernard died at   
,carolina1 where he had been employed   
some years in the building of ,charles  
,town1 which he had formed the plan of4 
,my poor cousin1 too1 died in the       
,prussian service2 thus my aunt lost1   
nearly at the same period1 her son and  
husband4  ,these losses reanimated in   
some measure her affection for the      
nearest relative she had remaining1     
which was myself4  ,when ,i went to     
,geneva1 ,i reckoned her house my home1 
and amused myself with rummaging and    
turning over the books and papers my    
uncle had left4  ,among them ,i found   
some curious ones1 and some letters     
which they certainly little thought of4 
,my aunt1 who set no store by these     
dusty papers1 would willingly have given
 the whole to me1 but ,i contented      
myself with two or three books1 with    
notes written by the ,minister ,bernard1
 my grandfather1 and among the rest1 the
 posthumous works of ,rohault in quarto1
 the margins of which were full of      

excellent commentaries1 which gave me an
 inclination to the mathematics4  ,this 
book remained among those of ,madam de  
,warrens1 and ,i have since lamented    
that ,i did not preserve it4  ,to these 
,i added five or six memorials in       
manuscript1 and a printed one1 composed 
by the famous ,micheli ,ducret1 a man of
 considerable talents1 being both       
learned and enlightened1 but too much1  
perhaps1 inclined to sedition1 for which
 he was cruelly treated by the          
magistrates of ,geneva1 and lately died 
in the fortress of ,arberg1 where he had
 been confined many years1 for being1 as
 it was said1 concerned in the          
conspiracy of ,berne4  ,this memorial   
was a judicious critique on the         
extensive but ridiculous plan of        
fortification1 which had been adopted at
 ,geneva1 though censured by every      
person of judgment in the art1 who was  
unacquainted with the secret motives of 
the council1 in the execution of this   
magnificent enterprise4  ,monsieur de   

,micheli1 who had been excluded from the
 committee of fortification for having  
condemned this plan1 thought that1 as a 
citizen1 and a member of the two        
hundred1 he might give his advice1 at   
large1 and therefore1 did so in this    
memorial1 which he was imprudent enough 
to have printed1 though he never        
published it1 having only those copies  
struck off which were meant for the two 
hundred1 and which were all intercepted 
at the post-house by order of the       
,senate4       ,the grand council of    
,geneva in ,december1 #agbh1 pronounced 
this      paper highly disrespectful to 
the councils1 and injurious to the      
committee of fortification4  ,i found   
this memorial among my uncle's papers1  
with the answer he had been ordered to  
make to it1 and took both4  ,this was   
soon after ,i had left my place at the  
survey1 and ,i yet remained on good     
terms with the ,counsellor de ,coccelli1
 who had the management of it4  ,some   
time after1 the director of the         

custom-house entreated me to stand      
godfather to his child1 with ,madam     
,coccelli1 who was to be godmother3     
proud of being placed on such terms of  
equality with the counsellor1 ,i wished 
to assume importance1 and show myself   
worthy of that honor4  ,full of this    
idea1 ,i thought ,i could do nothing    
better than show him ,micheli's         
memorial1 which was really a scarce     
piece1 and would prove ,i was connected 
with people of consequence in ,geneva1  
who were intrusted with the secrets of  
the state1 yet by a kind of reserve     
which ,i should find it difficult to    
account for1 ,i did not show him my     
uncle's answer1 perhaps1 because it was 
manuscript1 and nothing less than print 
was worthy to approach the counsellor4  
,he understood1 however1 so well the    
importance of this paper1 which ,i had  
the folly to put into his hands1 that ,i
 could never after get it into my       
possession1 and being convinced that    
every effort for that purpose would be  

ineffectual1 ,i made a merit of my      
forbearance1 transforming the theft into
 a present4  ,i made no doubt that this 
writing 7more curious1 however1 than    
useful7 answered his purpose at the     
court of ,turin1 where probably he took 
care to be reimbursed in some way or    
other for the expense which the         
acquisition of it might be supposed to  
have cost him4  ,happily1 of all future 
contingencies1 the least probable1 is1  
that ever the ,king of ,sardina should  
besiege ,geneva1 but as that event is   
not absolutely impossible1 ,i shall ever
 reproach my foolish vanity with having 
been the means of pointing out the      
greatest defects of that city to its    
most ancient enemy4  ,i passed three or 
four years in this manner1 between      
music1 magestry1 projects1 and journeys1
 floating incessantly from one object to
 another1 and wishing to fix though ,i  
knew not on what1 but insensibly        
inclining towards study4  ,i was        
acquainted with men of letters1 ,i had  

heard them speak of literature1 and     
sometimes mingled in the conversation1  
yet rather adopted the jargon of books1 
than the knowledge they contained4 ,in  
my excursions to ,geneva1 ,i frequently 
called on my good old friend ,monsieur  
,simon1 who greatly promoted my rising  
emulation by fresh news from the        
republic of letters1 extracted from     
,baillet or ,colomies4  ,i frequently   
saw too1 at ,chambery1 a ,dominican     
professor of physic1 a good kind of     
friar1 whose name ,i have forgotten1 who
 often made little chemical experiments 
which greatly amused me4  ,in imitation 
of him1 ,i attempted to make some       
sympathetic ink1 and having for that    
purpose more than half filled a bottle  
with quicklime1 orpiment1 and water1 the
 effervescence immediately became       
extremely violent2 ,i ran to unstop the 
bottle1 but had not time to effect it1  
for1 during the attempt1 it burst in my 
face like a bomb1 and ,i swallowed so   
much of the orpiment and lime1 that it  

nearly cost me my life4  ,i remained    
blind for six weeks1 and by the event of
 this experiment learned to meddle no   
more with experimental ,chemistry while 
the elements were unknown to me4  ,this 
adventure happened very unluckily for my
 health1 which1 for some time past1 had 
been visibly on the decline4  ,this was 
rather extraordinary1 as ,i was guilty  
of no kind of excess2 nor could it have 
been expected from my make1 for my      
chest1 being well formed and rather     
capacious1 seemed to give my lungs full 
liberty to play2 yet ,i was short       
breathed1 felt a very sensible          
oppression1 sighed involuntarily1 had   
palpitations of the heart1 and spitting 
of blood1 accompanied with a lingering  
fever1 which ,i have never since        
entirely overcome4  ,how is it possible 
to fall into such a state in the flower 
of one's age1 without any inward decay1 
or without having done anything to      
destroy health8  ,it is sometimes said1 
the sword wears the scabbard1 this was  

truly the case with me3 the violence of 
my passions both kept me alive and      
hastened my dissolution4  ,what         
passions8  will be asked3 mere nothings3
 the most trivial objects in nature1 but
 which affected me as forcibly as if the
 acquisition of a ,helen1 or the throne 
of the universe were at stake4 ,my      
senses1 for instance1 were at ease with 
one woman1 but my heart never was1 and  
the necessities of love consumed me in  
the very bosom of happiness4  ,i had a  
tender1 respected and lovely friend1 but
 ,i sighed for a mistress2 my prolific  
fancy painted her as such1 and gave her 
a thousand forms1 for had ,i conceived  
that my endearments had been lavished on
 ,madam de ,warrens1 they would not have
 been less tender1 though infinitely    
more tranquil4  ,but is it possible for 
man to taste1 in their utmost extent1   
the delights of love8  ,i cannot tell1  
but ,i am persuaded my frail existence  
would have sunk under the weight of     
them4  ,i was1 therefore1 dying for love

 without an object1 and this state1     
perhaps1 is1 of all others1 the most    
dangerous4  ,i was likewise uneasy1     
tormented at the bad state of poor      
,madam de ,warrens' circumstances1 and  
the imprudence of her conduct1 which    
could not fail to bring them1 in a short
 time1 to total ruin4  ,my tortured     
imagination 7which ever paints          
misfortunes in the extremity7           
continually beheld this in its utmost   
excess1 and in all the horror of its    
consequences4  ,i already saw myself    
forced by want to quit her--to whom ,i  
had consecrated my future life1 and     
without whom ,i could not hope for      
happiness3 thus was my soul continually 
agitated1 and hopes and fears devoured  
me alternately4  ,music was a passion   
less turbulent1 but not less consuming1 
from the ardor with which ,i attached   
myself to it1 by the obstinate study of 
the obscure books of ,rameau2 by an     
invincible resolution to charge my      
memory with rules it could not contain2 

by continual application1 and by long   
and immense compilations which ,i       
frequently passed whole nights in       
copying3 but why dwell on these         
particularly1 while every folly that    
took possession of my wandering brain1  
the most transient ideas of a single    
day1 a journey1 a concert1 a supper1 a  
walk1 a novel to read1 a play to see1   
things in the world the least           
premeditated in my pleasures or         
occupation became for me the most       
violent passions1 which by their        
ridiculous impetuosity conveyed the most
 serious torments2 even the imaginary   
misfortunes of ,cleveland1 read with    
avidity and frequent interruption1 have1
 ,i am persuaded1 disordered me more    
than my own4  ,there was a ,genevese1   
named ,bagueret1 who had been employed  
under ,peter the ,great1 of the court of
 ,russia1 one of the most worthless1    
senseless fellows ,i ever met with2 full
 of projects as foolish as himself1     
which were to rain down millions on     

those who took part in them4  ,this man1
 having come to ,chambery on account of 
some suit depending before the senate1  
immediately got acquainted with ,madam  
de ,warrens1 and with great reason on   
his side1 since for those imaginary     
treasures that cost him nothing1 and    
which he bestowed with the utmost       
prodigality1 he gained1 in exchange1 the
 unfortunate crown pieces one by one out
 of her pocket4 ,i did not like him1 and
 he plainly perceived this1 for with me 
it is not a very difficult discovery1   
nor did he spare any sort of meanness to
 gain my good will1 and among other     
things proposed teaching me to play at  
chess1 which game he understood         
something of4  ,i made an attempt1      
though almost against my inclination1   
and after several efforts1 having       
learned the march1 my progress was so   
rapid1 that before the end of the first 
sitting ,i gave him the rook1 which in  
the beginning he had given me4 ,nothing 
more was necessary2 behold me fascinated

 with chess6  ,i buy a board1 with the  
rest of the apparatus1 and shutting     
myself up in my chamber1 pass whole days
 and nights in studying all the         
varieties of the game1 being determined 
by playing alone1 without end or        
relaxation1 to drive them into my head1 
right or wrong4  ,after incredible      
efforts1 during two or three months     
passed in this curious employment1 ,i go
 to the coffee-house1 thin1 sallow1 and 
almost stupid2 ,i seat myself1 and again
 attack ,m4 ,bagueret3 he beats me1     
once1 twice1 twenty times2 so many      
combinations were fermenting in my head1
 and my imagination was so stupefied1   
that all appeared confusion4  ,i tried  
to exercise myself with ,phitidor's or  
,stamina's book of instructions1 but ,i 
was still equally perplexed1 and1 after 
having exhausted myself with fatigue1   
was further to seek than ever1 and      
whether ,i abandoned my chess for a     
time1 or resolved to surmount every     
difficulty by unremitted practice1 it   

was the same thing4  ,i could never     
advance one step beyond the improvement 
of the first sitting1 nay1 ,i am        
convinced that had ,i studied it a      
thousand ages1 ,i should have ended by  
being able to give ,bagueret the rook   
and nothing more4  ,it will be said my  
time was well employed1 and not a little
 of it passed in this occupation1 nor   
did ,i quit my first essay till unable  
to persist in it1 for on leaving my     
apartment ,i had the appearance of a    
corpse1 and had ,i continued this course
 much longer ,i should certainly have   
been one4  ,any one will allow that it  
would have been extraordinary1          
especially in the ardor of youth1 that  
such a head should suffer the body to   
enjoy continued health2 the alteration  
of mine had an effect on my temper1     
moderating the ardor of my chimerical   
fancies1 for as ,i grew weaker they     
became more tranquil1 and ,i even lost1 
in some measure1 my rage for travelling4
  ,i was not seized with heaviness1 but 

melancholy2 vapors succeeded passions1  
languor became sorrow3 ,i wept and      
sighed without cause1 and felt my life  
ebbing away before ,i had enjoyed it4   
,i only trembled to think of the        
situation in which ,i should leave my   
dear ,madam de ,warrens2 and ,i can     
truly say1 that quitting her1 and       
leaving her in these melancholy         
circumstances1 was my only concern4  ,at
 length ,i fell quite ill1 and was      
nursed by her as never mother nursed a  
child4  ,the care she took of me was of 
real utility to her affairs1 since it   
diverted her mind from schemes1 and kept
 projectors at a distance4  ,how        
pleasing would death have been at that  
time1 when1 if ,i had not tasted many of
 the pleasures of life1 ,i had felt but 
few of its misfortunes4  ,my tranquil   
soul would have taken her flight1       
without having experienced those cruel  
ideas of the injustice of mankind which 
embitters both life and death4 ,i should
 have enjoyed the sweet consolation that

 ,i still survived in the dearer part of
 myself3 in the situation ,i then was1  
it could hardly be called death2 and had
 ,i been divested of my uneasiness on   
her account1 it would have appeared but 
a gentle sleep2 yet even these          
disquietudes had such an affectionate   
and tender turn1 that their bitterness  
was tempered by a pleasing sensibility4 
,i said to her1 ,you are the depository 
of my whole being1 act so that ,i may be
 happy4  ,two or three times1 when my   
disorder was most violent1 ,i crept to  
her apartment to give her my advice     
respecting her future conduct2 and ,i   
dare affirm these admonitions were both 
wise and equitable1 in which the        
interest ,i took in her future concerns 
was strongly marked4  ,as if tears had  
been both nourishment and medicine1 ,i  
found myself the better for those ,i    
shed with her1 while seated on her      
bed-side1 and holding her hands between 
mine4 ,the hours crept insensibly away  
in these nocturnal discourses2 ,i       

returned to my chamber better than ,i   
had quitted it1 being content and calmed
 by the promises she made1 and the hopes
 with which she had inspired me3 ,i     
slept on them with my heart at peace1   
and fully resigned to the dispensations 
of ,providence4  ,god grant1 that after 
having had so many reasons to hate life1
 after being agitated with so many      
storms1 after it has even become a      
burden1 that death1 which must terminate
 all1 may be no more terrible than it   
would have been at that moment6  ,by    
inconceivable care and vigilance1 she   
saved my life2 and ,i am convinced she  
alone could have done this4  ,i have    
little faith in the skill of physicians1
 but depend greatly on the assistance of
 real friends1 and am persuaded that    
being easy in those particulars on which
 our happiness depends1 is more salutary
 than any other application4  ,if there 
is a sensation in life peculiarly       
delightful1 we experienced it in being  
restored to each other2 our mutual      

attachment did not increase1 for that   
was impossible1 but it became1 ,i know  
not how1 more exquisitely tender1 fresh 
softness being added to its former      
simplicity4  ,i became in a manner her  
work2 we got into the habit1 though     
without design1 of being continually    
with each other1 and enjoying1 in some  
measure1 our whole existence together1  
feeling reciprocally that we were not   
only necessary1 but entirely sufficient 
for each other's happiness4  ,accustomed
 to think of no subject foreign to      
ourselves1 our happiness and all our    
desires were confined to that pleasing  
and singular union1 which1 perhaps1 had 
no equal1 which is not1 as ,i have      
before observed1 love1 but a sentiment  
inexpressibly more intimate1 neither    
depending on the senses1 age1 nor       
figure1 but an assemblage of every      
endearing sensation that composes our   
rational existence and which can cease  
only with our being4  ,how was it that  
this delightful crisis did not secure   

our mutual felicity for the remainder of
 her life and mine8  ,i have the        
consoling conviction that it was not my 
fault2 nay1 ,i am persuaded1 she did not
 wilfully destroy it2 the invincible    
peculiarity of my disposition was doomed
 soon to regain its empire2 but this    
fatal return was not suddenly           
accomplished1 there was1 thank ,heaven1 
a short but precious interval1 that did 
not conclude by my fault1 and which ,i  
cannot reproach myself with having      
employed amiss4  ,though recovered from 
my dangerous illness1 ,i did not regain 
my strength2 my stomach was weak1 some  
remains of the fever kept me in a       
languishing condition1 and the only     
inclination ,i was sensible of1 was to  
end my days near one so truly dear to   
me2 to confirm her in those good        
resolutions she had formed2 to convince 
her in what consisted the real charms of
 a happy life1 and1 as far as depended  
on me1 to render hers so2 but ,i foresaw
 that in a gloomy1 melancholy house1 the

 continual solitude of our tete-a-tetes 
would at length become too dull and     
monotonous3 a remedy presented itself3  
,madam de ,warrens had prescribed milk  
for me1 and insisted that ,i should take
 it in the country2 ,i consented1       
provided she would accompany me2 nothing
 more was necessary to gain her         
compliance1 and whither we should go was
 all that remained to be determined on4 
,our garden 7which ,i have before       
mentioned7 was not properly in the      
country1 being surrounded by houses and 
other gardens1 and possessing none of   
those attractions so desirable in a     
rural retreat2 besides1 after the death 
of ,anet1 we had given up this place    
from economical principles1 feeling no  
longer a desire to rear plants1 and     
other views making us not regret the    
loss of that little retreat4  ,improving
 the distaste ,i found she began to     
imbibe for the town1 ,i proposed to     
abandon it entirely1 and settle         
ourselves in an agreeable solitude1 in  

some small house1 distant enough from   
the city to avoid the perpetual         
intrusion of her hangers-on4 ,she       
followed my advice1 and this plan1 which
 her good angel and mine suggested1     
might fully have secured our happiness  
and tranquility till death had divided  
us--but this was not the state we were  
appointed to2 ,madam de ,warrens was    
destined to endure all the sorrows of   
indigence and poverty1 after having     
passed the former part of her life in   
abundance1 that she might learn to quit 
it with the less regret2 and myself1 by 
an assemblage of misfortunes of all     
kinds1 was to become a striking example 
to those who1 inspired with a love of   
justice and the public good1 and        
trusting too implicitly to their own    
innocence1 shall openly dare to assert  
truth to mankind1 unsupported by cabals1
 or without having previously formed    
parties to protect them4  ,an unhappy   
fear furnished some objections to our   
plan3 she did not dare to quit her      

ill-contrived house1 for fear of        
displeasing the proprietor4 ,your       
proposed retirement is charming1 said   
she1 and much to my taste1 but we are   
necessitated to remain here1 for1 on    
quitting this dungeon1 ,i hazard losing 
the very means of life1 and when these  
fail us in the woods1 we must again     
return to seek them in the city4  ,that 
we may have the least possible cause for
 being reduced to this necessity1 let us
 not leave this house entirely1 but pay 
a small pension to the ,count of        
,saint-,laurent1 that he may continue   
mine4  ,let us seek some little         
habitation1 far enough from the town to 
be at peace1 yet near enough to return  
when it may appear convenient4  ,this   
mode was finally adopted2 and after some
 small search1 we fixed at ,charmettes1 
on an estate belonging to ,m4 de        
,conzie1 at a very small distance from  
,chambery2 but as retired and solitary  
as if it had been a hundred leagues off4
  ,the spot we had concluded on was a   

valley between two tolerably high hills1
 which ran north and south2 at the      
bottom1 among the trees and pebbles1 ran
 a rivulet1 and above the declivity1 on 
either side1 were scattered a number of 
houses1 forming altogether a beautiful  
retreat for those who love a peaceful   
romantic asylum4  ,after having examined
 two or three of these houses1 we chose 
that which we thought the most pleasing1
 which was the property of a gentleman  
of the army1 called ,m4 ,noiret4  ,this 
house was in good condition1 before it a
 garden1 forming a terrace2 below that  
on the declivity an orchard1 and on the 
ascent1 behind the house1 a vineyard3 a 
little wood of chestnut trees opposite2 
a fountain just by1 and higher up the   
hill1 meadows for the cattle2 in short1 
all that could be thought necessary for 
the country retirement we proposed to   
establish4  ,to the best of my          
remembrance1 we took possession of it   
toward the latter end of the summer ,of 
#agcf4  ,i was delighted on going to    

sleep there--,oh6  said ,i1 to this dear
 friend1 embracing her with tears of    
tenderness and delight1 this is the     
abode of happiness and innocence2 if we 
do not find them here together it will  
be in vain to seek them elsewhere4