,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,,jean         
,,jacques ,,rousseau 7,in #ab books7    
,privately ,printed for the ,members of 
the ,aldus ,society  ,london1 #aijc     
,,book ,,ii4   ,the moment in which fear
 had instigated my flight1 did not seem 
more terrible than that wherein ,i put  
my design in execution appeared         
delightful4  ,to leave my relations1 my 
resources1 while yet a child1 in the    
midst of my apprenticeship1 before ,i   
had learned enough of my business to    
obtain a subsistence2 to run on         
inevitable misery and danger3 to expose 
myself in that age of weakness and      
innocence to all the temptations of vice
 and despair2 to set out in search of   
errors1 misfortunes1 snares1 slavery1   
and death2 to endure more intolerable   
evils than those ,i meant to shun1 was  
the picture ,i should have drawn1 the   
natural consequence of my hazardous     
enterprise4  ,how different was the idea
 ,i entertained of it6--,the            
independence ,i seemed to possess was   

the sole object of my contemplation2    
having obtained my liberty1 ,i thought  
everything attainable3 ,i entered with  
confidence on the vast theatre of the   
world1 which my merit was to captivate3 
at every step ,i expected to find       
amusements1 treasures1 and adventures2  
friends ready to serve1 and mistresses  
eager to please me2 ,i had but to show  
myself1 and the whole universe would be 
interested in my concerns2 not but ,i   
could have been content with something  
less2 a charming society1 with          
sufficient means1 might have satisfied  
me4  ,my moderation was such1 that the  
sphere in which ,i proposed to shine was
 rather circumscribed1 but then it was  
to possess the very quintessence of     
enjoyment1 and myself the principal     
object4  ,a single castle1 for instance1
 might have bounded my ambition2 could  
,i have been the favorite of the lord   
and lady1 the daughter's lover1 the     
son's friend1 and protector of the      
neighbors1 ,i might have been tolerably 

content1 and sought no further4  ,in    
expectation of this modest fortune1 ,i  
passed a few days in the environs of the
 city1 with some country people of my   
acquaintance1 who received me with more 
kindness than ,i should have met with in
 town2 they welcomed1 lodged1 and fed me
 cheerfully2 ,i could be said to live on
 charity1 these favors were not         
conferred with a sufficient appearance  
of superiority to furnish out the idea4 
,i rambled about in this manner till ,i 
got to ,confignon1 in ,savoy1 at about  
two leagues distance from ,geneva4  ,the
 vicar was called ,m4 de ,pontverre2    
this name1 so famous in the history of  
the ,republic1 caught my attention2 ,i  
was curious to see what appearance the  
descendants of the gentlemen of the     
spoon exhibited2 ,i went1 therefore1 to 
visit this ,m4 de ,pontverre1 and was   
received with great civility4  ,he spoke
 of the heresy of ,geneva1 declaimed on 
the authority of holy mother church1 and
 then invited me to dinner4  ,i had     

little to object to arguments which had 
so desirable a conclusion1 and was      
inclined to believe that priests1 who   
gave such excellent dinners1 might be as
 good as our ministers4                 
,notwithstanding ,m4 de ,pontverre's    
pedigree1 ,i certainly possessed most   
learning2 but ,i rather sought to be a  
good companion than an expert           
theologian2 and his ,frangi wine1 which 
,i thought delicious1 argued so         
powerfully on his side1 that ,i should  
have blushed at silencing so kind a     
host2 ,i1 therefore1 yielded him the    
victory1 or rather declined the contest4
  ,any one who had observed my          
precaution1 would certainly have        
pronounced me a dissembler1 though1 in  
fact1 ,i was only courteous4  ,flattery1
 or rather condescension1 is not always 
a vice in young people2 'tis oftener a  
virtue4  ,when treated with kindness1 it
 is natural to feel an attachment for   
the person who confers the obligation2  
we do not acquiesce because we wish to  

deceive1 but from dread of giving       
uneasiness1 or because we wish to avoid 
the ingratitude of rendering evil for   
good4  ,what interest had ,m4 de        
,pontverre in entertaining1 treating    
with respect1 and endeavoring to        
convince me8  ,none but mine2 my young  
heart told me this1 and ,i was          
penetrated with gratitude and respect   
for the generous priest2 ,i was sensible
 of my superiority1 but scorned to repay
 his hospitality by taking advantage of 
it4  ,i had no conception of hypocrisy  
in this forbearance1 or thought of      
changing my religion1 nay1 so far was   
the idea from being familiar to me1 that
 ,i looked on it with a degree of horror
 which seemed to exclude the possibility
 of such an event2 ,i only wished to    
avoid giving offence to those ,i was    
sensible caressed me from that motive2  
,i wished to cultivate their good       
opinion1 and meantime leave them the    
hope of success by seeming less on my   
guard than ,i really was4  ,my conduct  

in this particular resembled the        
coquetry of some very honest women1 who1
 to obtain their wishes1 without        
permitting or promising anything1       
sometimes encourage hopes they never    
mean to realize4  ,reason1 piety1 and   
love of order1 certainly demanded that  
instead of being encouraged in my folly1
 ,i should have been dissuaded from the 
ruin ,i was courting1 and sent back to  
my family2 and this conduct any one that
 was actuated by genuine virtue would   
have pursued2 but it should be observed 
that though ,m4 de ,pontverre was a     
religious man1 he was not a virtuous    
one1 but a bigot1 who knew no virtue    
except worshipping images and telling   
his beads1 in a word1 a kind of         
missionary1 who thought the height of   
merit consisted in writing libels       
against the ministers of ,geneva4  ,far 
from wishing to send me back1 he        
endeavored to favor my escape1 and put  
it out of my power to return even had ,i
 been so disposed4 ,it was a thousand to

 one but he was sending me to perish    
with hunger1 or become a villain2 but   
all this was foreign to his purpose2 he 
saw a soul snatched from heresy1 and    
restored to the bosom of the church3    
whether ,i was an honest man or a knave 
was very immaterial1 provided ,i went to
 mass4  ,this ridiculous mode of        
thinking is not peculiar to ,catholics2 
it is the voice of every dogmatical     
persuasion where merit consists in      
belief1 and not in virtue4  ,you are    
called by the ,almighty1 said ,m4 de    
,pontverre2 go to ,annecy1 where you    
will find a good and charitable lady1   
whom the bounty of the king enables to  
turn souls from those errors she has    
happily renounced4 ,he spoke of a ,madam
 de ,warrens1 a new convert1 to whom the
 priests contrived to send those        
wretches who were disposed to sell their
 faith1 and with these she was in a     
manner constrained to share a pension of
 two thousand francs bestowed on her by 
the ,king of ,sardinia4  ,i felt myself 

extremely humiliated at being supposed  
to want the assistance of a good and    
charitable lady4  ,i had no objection to
 be accommodated with everything ,i     
stood in need of1 but did not wish to   
receive it on the footing of charity and
 to owe this obligation to a devotee was
 still worse2 notwithstanding my        
scruples the persuasions of ,m4 de      
,pontverre1 the dread of perishing with 
hunger1 the pleasures ,i promised myself
 from the journey1 and hope of obtaining
 some desirable situation1 determined   
me2 and ,i set out though reluctantly1  
for ,annecy4  ,i could easily have      
reached it in a day1 but being in no    
great haste to arrive there1 it took me 
three4  ,my head was filled with the    
ideas of adventures1 and ,i approached  
every country-seat ,i saw in my way1 in 
expectation of having them realized4  ,i
 had too much timidity to knock at the  
doors1 or even enter if ,i saw them     
open1 but ,i did what ,i dared--which   
was to sing under those windows that ,i 

thought had the most favorable          
appearance2 and was very much           
disconcerted to find ,i wasted my breath
 to no purpose1 and that neither old nor
 young ladies were attracted by the     
melody of my voice1 or the wit of my    
poetry1 though some songs my companions 
had taught me ,i thought excellent and  
that ,i sung them incomparably4  ,at    
length ,i arrived at ,annecy1 and saw   
,madam de ,warrens4  ,as this period of 
my life1 in a great measure1 determined 
my character1 ,i could not resolve to   
pass it lightly over4  ,i was in the    
middle of my sixteenth year1 and though 
,i could not be called handsome1 was    
well made for my height2 ,i had a good  
foot1 a well turned leg1 and animated   
countenance2 a well proportioned mouth1 
black hair and eyebrows1 and my eyes1   
though small and rather too far in my   
head1 sparkling with vivacity1 darted   
that innate fire which inflamed my      
blood2 unfortunately for me1 ,i knew    
nothing of all this1 never having       

bestowed a single thought on my person  
till it was too late to be of any       
service to me4 ,the timidity common to  
my age was heightened by a natural      
benevolence1 which made me dread the    
idea of giving pain4  ,though my mind   
had received some cultivation1 having   
seen nothing of the world1 ,i was an    
absolute stranger to polite address1 and
 my mental acquisitions1 so far from    
supplying this defect1 only served to   
increase my embarrassment1 by making me 
sensible of every deficiency4           
,depending little1 therefore1 on        
external appearances1 ,i had recourse to
 other expedients3 ,i wrote a most      
elaborate letter1 where1 mingling all   
the flowers of rhetoric which ,i had    
borrowed from books with the phrases of 
an apprentice1 ,i endeavored to strike  
the attention1 and insure the good will 
of ,madam de ,warrens4  ,i enclosed ,m4 
de ,pontverre's letter in my own and    
waited on the lady with a heart         
palpitating with fear and expectation4  

,it was ,palm ,sunday1 of the year      
#agbh2 ,i was informed she was that     
moment gone to church2 ,i hasten after  
her1 overtake1 and speak to her4--,the  
place is yet fresh in my memory--how can
 it be otherwise8 often have ,i         
moistened it with my tears and covered  
it with kisses4--,why cannot ,i enclose 
with gold the happy spot1 and render it 
the object of universal veneration8     
,whoever wishes to honor monuments of   
human salvation would only approach it  
on their knees4  ,it was a passage at   
the back of the house1 bordered on the  
left hand by a little rivulet1 which    
separated it from the garden1 and1 on   
the right1 by the court yard wall2 at   
the end was a private door which opened 
into the church of the ,cordeliers4     
,madam de ,warrens was just passing this
 door2 but on hearing my voice1         
instantly turned about4  ,what an effect
 did the sight of her produce6  ,i      
expected to see a devout1 forbidding old
 woman2 ,m4 de ,pontverre's pious and   

worthy lady could be no other in my     
conception2 instead of which1 ,i see a  
face beaming with charms1 fine blue eyes
 full of sweetness1 a complexion whose  
whiteness dazzled the sight1 the form of
 an enchanting neck1 nothing escaped the
 eager eye of the young proselyte2 for  
that instant ,i was hers6--a religion   
preached by such missionaries must lead 
to paradise6  ,my letter was presented  
with a trembling hand2 she took it with 
a smile --opened it1 glanced an eye over
 ,m4 de ,pontverre's and again returned 
to mine1 which she read through and     
would have read again1 had not the      
footman that instant informed her that  
service was beginning--,child1 said she1
 in a tone of voice which made every    
nerve vibrate1 you are wandering about  
at an early age--it is really a         
pity6--and without waiting for an       
answer1 added--,go to my house1 bid them
 give you something for breakfast1 after
 mass1 ,i will speak to you4            
,louisa--,eleanora de ,warrens was of   

the noble and ancient family of ,la     
,tour de ,pit1 of ,vevay1 a city in the 
country of the ,vaudois4  ,she was      
married very young to a ,m4 de ,warrens1
 of the house of ,loys1 eldest son of   
,m4 de ,villardin1 of ,lausanne2 there  
were no children by this marriage1 which
 was far from being a happy one4  ,some 
domestic uneasiness made ,madam de      
,warrens take the resolution of crossing
 the ,lake1 and throwing herself at the 
feet of ,victor ,amadeus1 who was then  
at ,evian2 thus abandoning her husband1 
family1 and country by a giddiness      
similar to mine1 which precipitation    
she1 too1 has found sufficient time and 
reason to lament4  ,the king1 who was   
fond of appearing a zealous promoter of 
the ,catholic faith1 took her under his 
protection1 and complimented her with a 
pension of fifteen hundred livres of    
,piedmont1 which was a considerable     
appointment for a prince who never had  
the character of being generous2 but    
finding his liberality made some        

conjecture he had an affection for the  
lady1 he sent her to ,annecy escorted by
 a detachment of his guards1 where1     
under the direction of ,michael ,gabriel
 de ,bernex1 titular bishop of ,geneva1 
she abjured her former religion at the  
,convent of the ,visitation4  ,i came to
 ,annecy just six years after this      
event2 ,madam de ,warrens was then      
eight--and--twenty1 being born with the 
century4  ,her beauty1 consisting more  
in the expressive animation of the      
countenance1 than a set of features1 was
 in its meridian2 her manner soothing   
and tender2 an angelic smile played     
about her mouth1 which was small and    
delicate2 she wore her hair 7which was  
of an ash color1 and uncommonly         
beautiful7 with an air of negligence    
that made her appear still more         
interesting2 she was short1 and rather  
thick for her height1 though by no means
 disagreeably so2 but there could not be
 a more lovely face1 a finer neck1 or   
hands and arms more exquisitely formed4 

,her education had been derived from    
such a variety of sources1 that it      
formed an extraordinary assemblage4     
,like me1 she had lost her mother at her
 birth1 and had received instruction as 
it chanced to present itself2 she had   
learned something of her governess1     
something of her father1 a little of her
 masters1 but copiously from her lovers2
 particularly a ,m4 de ,tavel1 who1     
possessing both taste and information1  
endeavored to adorn with them the mind  
of her he loved4  ,these various        
instructions1 not being properly        
arranged1 tended to impede each other1  
and she did not acquire that degree of  
improvement her natural good sense was  
capable of receiving2 she knew something
 of philosophy and physic1 but not      
enough to eradicate the fondness she had
 imbibed from her father for empiricism 
and alchemy2 she made elixirs1          
tinctures1 balsams1 pretended to        
secrets1 and prepared magestry2 while   
quacks and pretenders1 profiting by her 

weakness1 destroyed her property among  
furnaces1 drugs and minerals1           
diminishing those charms and            
accomplishments which might have been   
the delight of the most elegant circles4
  ,but though these interested wretches 
took advantage of her ill-applied       
education to obscure her natural good   
sense1 her excellent heart retained its 
purity2 her amiable mildness1           
sensibility for the unfortunate1        
inexhaustible bounty1 and open1 cheerful
 frankness1 knew no variation2 even at  
the approach of old age1 when attacked  
by various calamities1 rendered more    
cutting by indigence1 the serenity of   
her disposition preserved to the end of 
her life the pleasing gayety of her     
happiest days4  ,her errors proceeded   
from an inexhaustible fund of activity1 
which demanded perpetual employment4    
,she found no satisfaction in the       
customary intrigues of her sex1 but1    
being formed for vast designs1 sought   
the direction of important enterprises  

and discoveries4  ,in her place ,madam  
de ,longueville would have been a mere  
trifler1 in ,madam de ,longueville's    
situation she would have governed the   
state4  ,her talents did not accord with
 her fortune2 what would have gained her
 distinction in a more elevated sphere1 
became her ruin4  ,in enterprises which 
suited her disposition1 she arranged the
 plan in her imagination1 which was ever
 carried of its utmost extent1 and the  
means she employed being proportioned   
rather to her ideas than abilities1 she 
failed by the mismanagement of those    
upon whom she depended1 and was ruined  
where another would scarce have been a  
loser4  ,this active disposition1 which 
involved her in so many difficulties1   
was at least productive of one benefit  
as it prevented her from passing the    
remainder of her life in the monastic   
asylum she had chosen1 which she had    
some thought of4  ,the simple and       
uniform life of a nun1 and the little   
cabals and gossipings of their parlor1  

were not adapted to a mind vigorous and 
active1 which1 every day forming new    
systems1 had occasions for liberty to   
attempt their completion4  ,the good    
bishop of ,bernex1 with less wit than   
,francis of ,sales1 resembled him in    
many particulars1 and ,madam de         
,warrens1 whom he loved to call his     
daughter1 and who was like ,madam de    
,chantel in several respects1 might have
 increased the resemblance by retiring  
like her from the world1 had she not    
been disgusted with the idle trifling of
 a convent4  ,it was not want of zeal   
prevented this amiable woman from giving
 those proofs of devotion which might   
have been expected from a new convert1  
under the immediate direction of a      
prelate4  ,whatever might have          
influenced her to change her religion1  
she was certainly sincere in that she   
had embraced2 she might find sufficient 
occasion to repent having abjured her   
former faith1 but no inclination to     
return to it4  ,she not only died a good

 ,catholic1 but truly lived one2 nay1 ,i
 dare affirm 7and ,i think ,i have had  
the opportunity to read the secrets of  
her heart7 that it was only her aversion
 to singularity that prevented her      
acting the devotee in public2 in a word1
 her piety was too sincere to give way  
to any affectation of it4  ,but this is 
not the place to enlarge on her         
principles3 ,i shall find other         
occasions to speak of them4  ,let those 
who deny the existence of a sympathy of 
souls1 explain1 if they know how1 why   
the first glance1 the first word of     
,madam de ,warrens inspired me1 not only
 with a lively attachment1 but with the 
most unbounded confidence1 which has    
since known no abatement4  ,say this was
 love 7which will at least appear       
doubtful to those who read the sequel of
 our attachment7 how could this passion 
be attended with sentiments which scarce
 ever accompany its commencement1 such  
as peace1 serenity1 security1 and       
confidence4  ,how1 when making          

application to an amiable and polished  
woman1 whose situation in life was so   
superior to mine1 so far above any ,i   
had yet approached1 on whom1 in a great 
measure1 depended my future fortune by  
the degree of interest she might take in
 it2 how1 ,i say with so many reasons to
 depress me1 did ,i feel myself as free1
 as much at my ease1 as if ,i had been  
perfectly secure of pleasing her6  ,why 
did ,i not experience a moment of       
embarrassment1 timidity or restraint8   
,naturally bashful1 easily confused1    
having seen nothing of the world1 could 
,i1 the first time1 the first moment ,i 
beheld her1 adopt caressing language1   
and a familiar tone1 as readily as after
 ten years' intimacy had rendered these 
freedoms natural8  ,is it possible to   
possess love1 ,i will not say without   
desires1 for ,i certainly had them1 but 
without inquietude1 without jealousy8   
,can we avoid feeling an anxious wish at
 least to know whether our affection is 
returned8  ,yet such a question never   

entered my imagination2 ,i should as    
soon have inquired1 do ,i love myself2  
nor did she ever express a greater      
degree of curiosity2 there was1         
certainly1 something extraordinary in my
 attachment to this charming woman and  
it will be found in the sequel1 that    
some extravagances1 which cannot be     
foreseen1 attended it4  ,what could be  
done for me1 was the present question1  
and in order to discuss the point with  
greater freedom1 she made me dine with  
her4  ,this was the first meal in my    
life where ,i had experienced a want of 
appetite1 and her woman1 who waited1    
observed it was the first time she had  
seen a traveller of my age and          
appearance deficient in that particular3
 this remark1 which did me no injury in 
the opinion of her mistress1 fell hard  
on an overgrown clown1 who was my fellow
 guest1 and devoured sufficient to have 
served at least six moderate feeders4   
,for me1 ,i was too much charmed to     
think of eating2 my heart began to      

imbibe a delicious sensation1 which     
engrossed my whole being1 and left no   
room for other objects4  ,madam de      
,warrens wished to hear the particulars 
of my little history--all the vivacity  
,i had lost during my servitude returned
 and assisted the recital4  ,in         
proportion to the interest this         
excellent woman took in my story1 did   
she lament the fate to which ,i had     
exposed myself2 compassion was painted  
on her features1 and expressed by every 
action4  ,she could not exhort me to    
return to ,geneva1 being too well aware 
that her words and actions were strictly
 scrutinized1 and that such advice would
 be thought high treason against        
,catholicism1 but she spoke so feelingly
 of the affliction ,i must give her7my7 
father1 that it was easy to perceive she
 would have approved my returning to    
console him4  ,alas6  she little thought
 how powerfully this pleaded against    
herself2 the more eloquently persuasive 
she appeared1 the less could ,i resolve 

to tear myself from her4  ,i knew that  
returning to ,geneva would be putting an
 insuperable barrier between us1 unless 
,i repeated the expedient which had     
brought me here1 and it was certainly   
better to preserve than expose myself to
 the danger of a relapse2 besides all   
this1 my conduct was predetermined1 ,i  
was resolved not to return4  ,madam de  
,warrens1 seeing her endeavors would be 
fruitless1 became less explicit1 and    
only added1 with an air of              
commiseration1 ,poor child6  thou must  
go where ,providence directs thee1 but  
one day thou wilt think of me4--,i      
believe she had no conception at that   
time how fatally her prediction would be
 verified4  ,the difficulty still       
remained how ,i was to gain a           
subsistence8  ,i have already observed  
that ,i knew too little of engraving for
 that to furnish my resource1 and had ,i
 been more expert1 ,savoy was too poor a
 country to give much encouragement to  
the arts4  ,the above-mentioned glutton1

 who eat for us as well as himself1     
being obliged to pause in order to gain 
some relaxation from the fatigue of it1 
imparted a piece of advice1 which1      
according to him1 came express from     
,heaven2 though to judge by its effects 
it appeared to have been dictated from a
 direct contrary quarter3 this was that 
,i should go to ,turin1 where1 in a     
hospital instituted for the instruction 
of catechumens1 ,i should find food1    
both spiritual and temporal1 be         
reconciled to the bosom of the church1  
and meet with some charitable           
,christians1 who would make it a point  
to procure me a situation that would    
turn to my advantage4  ,in regard to the
 expenses of the journey1 continued our 
advisor1 his grace1 my lord bishop1 will
 not be backward1 when once madam has   
proposed this holy work1 to offer his   
charitable donation1 and madam1 the     
baroness1 whose charity is so well      
known1 once more addressing himself to  
the continuation of his meal1 will      

certainly contribute4  ,i was by no     
means pleased with all these charities2 
,i said nothing1 but my heart was ready 
to burst with vexation4  ,madam de      
,warrens1 who did not seem to think so  
highly of this expedient as the         
projector pretended to do1 contented    
herself by saying1 everyone should      
endeavor to promote good actions1 and   
that she would mention it to his        
lordship2 but the meddling devil1 who   
had some private interest in this       
affair1 and questioned whether she would
 urge it to his satisfaction1 took care 
to acquaint the almoners with my story1 
and so far influenced those good        
priests1 that when ,madam de ,warrens1  
who disliked the journey on my account1 
mentioned it to the bishop1 she found it
 so far concluded on1 that he           
immediately put into her hands the money
 designed for my little viaticum4  ,she 
dared not advance anything against it2  
,i was approaching an age when a woman  
like her could not1 with any propriety1 

appear anxious to retain me4  ,my       
departure being thus determined by those
 who undertook the management of my     
concerns1 ,i had only to submit2 and ,i 
did it without much repugnance4  ,though
 ,turin was at a greater distance from  
,madam de ,warrens than ,geneva1 yet    
being the capital of the country ,i was 
now in1 it seemed to have more          
connection with ,annecy than a city     
under a different government and of a   
contrary religion2 besides1 as ,i       
undertook this journey in obedience to  
her1 ,i considered myself as living     
under her direction1 which was more     
flattering than barely to continue in   
the neighborhood2 to sum up all1 the    
idea of a long journey coincided with my
 insurmountable passion for rambling1   
which already began to demonstrate      
itself4  ,to pass the mountains1 to my  
eye appeared delightful2 how charming   
the reflection of elevating myself above
 my companions by the whole height of   
the ,alps6  ,to see the world is an     

almost irresistible temptation to a     
,genevan1 accordingly ,i gave my        
consent4  ,he who suggested the journey 
was to set off in two days with his     
wife4 ,i was recommended to their care2 
they were likewise made my purse        
--bearers1 which had been augmented by  
,madam de ,warrens1 who1 not contented  
with these kindnesses1 added secretly a 
pecuniary reinforcement1 attended with  
the most ample instructions1 and we     
departed on the ,wednesday before       
,easter4  ,the day following1 my father 
arrived at ,annecy1 accompanied by his  
friend1 a ,mr4 ,rival1 who was likewise 
a watchmaker2 he was a man of sense and 
letters1 who wrote better verses than   
,la ,motte1 and spoke almost as well2   
what is still more to his praise1 he was
 a man of the strictest integrity1 but  
whose taste for literature only served  
to make one of his sons a comedian4     
,having traced me to the house of ,madam
 de ,warrens1 they contented themselves 
with lamenting1 like her1 my fate1      

instead of overtaking me1 which1 7as    
they were on horseback and ,i on foot7  
they might have accomplished with the   
greatest ease4  ,my uncle ,bernard did  
the same thing1 he arrived at           
,consignon1 received information that ,i
 was gone to ,annecy1 and immediately   
returned back to ,geneva2 thus my       
nearest relations seemed to have        
conspired with my adverse stars to      
consign me to misery and ruin4  ,by a   
similar negligence1 my brother was so   
entirely lost1 that it was never known  
what was become of him4  ,my father was 
not only a man of honor but of the      
strictest probity1 and endured with that
 magnanimity which frequently produces  
the most shining virtues3 ,i may add1 he
 was a good father1 particularly to me  
whom he tenderly loved2 but he likewise 
loved his pleasures1 and since we had   
been separated other connections had    
weakened his paternal affections4 ,he   
had married again at ,nion1 and though  
his second wife was too old to expect   

children1 she had relations2 my father  
was united to another family1 surrounded
 by other objects1 and a variety of     
cares prevented my returning to his     
remembrance4  ,he was in the decline of 
life and had nothing to support the     
inconveniences of old age2 my mother's  
property devolved to me and my brother1 
but1 during our absence1 the interest of
 it was enjoyed by my father3 ,i do not 
mean to infer that this consideration   
had an immediate effect on his conduct1 
but it had an imperceptible one1 and    
prevented him making use of that        
exertion to regain me which he would    
otherwise have employed2 and this1 ,i   
think1 was the reason that having traced
 me as far as ,annecy1 he stopped short1
 without proceeding to ,chambery1 where 
he was almost certain ,i should be      
found2 and likewise accounts why1 on    
visiting him several times since my     
flight1 he always received me with great
 kindness1 but never made any efforts to
 retain me4  ,this conduct in a father1 

whose affection and virtue ,i was so    
well convinced of1 has given birth to   
reflections on the regulation of my own 
conduct which have greatly contributed  
to preserve the integrity of my heart4  
,it has taught me this great lesson of  
morality1 perhaps the only one that can 
have any conspicuous influence on our   
actions1 that we should ever carefully  
avoid putting our interests in          
competition with our duty1 or promise   
ourselves felicity from the misfortunes 
of others2 certain that in such         
circumstances1 however sincere our love 
of virtue may be1 sooner or later it    
will give way and we shall imperceptibly
 become unjust and wicked1 in fact1     
however upright in our intentions4      
,this maxim1 strongly imprinted on my   
mind1 and reduced1 though rather too    
late1 to practice1 has given my conduct 
an appearance of folly and whimsicality1
 not only in public1 but still more     
among my acquaintances3 it has been     
said1 ,i affected originality1 and      

sought to act different from other      
people2 the truth is1 ,i neither        
endeavor to conform or be singular1 ,i  
desire only to act virtuously and avoid 
situations1 which1 by setting my        
interest in opposition to that of       
another person's1 might inspire me with 
a secret1 though involuntary wish to his
 disadvantage4  ,two years ago1 ,my     
,lord ,marshal would have put my name in
 his will1 which ,i took every method to
 prevent1 assuring him ,i would not for 
the world know myself in the will of any
 one1 much less in his2 he gave up the  
idea2 but insisted in return1 that ,i   
should accept an annuity on his life2   
this ,i consented to4  ,it will be said1
 ,i find my account in the alteration2  
perhaps ,i may2 but oh1 my benefactor6  
my father1 ,i am now sensible that1     
should ,i have the misfortune to survive
 thee1 ,i should have everything to     
lose1 nothing to gain4  ,this1 in my    
idea1 in true philosophy1 the surest    
bulwark of human rectitude2 every day do

 ,i receive fresh conviction of its     
profound solidity4  ,i have endeavored  
to recommend it in all my latter        
writings1 but the multitude read too    
superficially to have made the remark4  
,if ,i survive my present undertaking1  
and am able to begin another1 ,i mean1  
in a continuation of ,emilius1 to give  
such a lively and marking example of    
this maxim as cannot fail to strike     
attention4  ,but ,i have made           
reflections enough for a traveller1 it  
is time to continue my journey4  ,it    
turned out more agreeable than ,i       
expected3 my clownish conductor was not 
so morose as he appeared to be4  ,he was
 a middle-aged man1 wore his black1     
grizzly hair1 in a queue1 had a martial 
air1 a strong voice1 was tolerably      
cheerful1 and to make up for not having 
been taught any trade1 could turn his   
hand to every one4  ,having proposed to 
establish some kind of manufactory at   
,annecy1 he had consulted ,madam de     
,warrens1 who immediately gave into the 

project1 and he was now going to ,turin 
to lay the plan before the minister and 
get his approbation1 for which journey  
he took care to be well rewarded4  ,this
 drole had the art of ingratiating      
himself with the priests1 whom he ever  
appeared eager to serve2 he adopted a   
certain jargon which he had learned by  
frequenting their company1 and thought  
himself a notable preacher2 he could    
even repeat one passage from the ,bible 
in ,latin1 and it answered his purpose  
as well as if he had known a thousand1  
for he repeated it a thousand times a   
day4  ,he was seldom at a loss for money
 when he knew what purse contained it2  
yet1 was rather artful than knavish1 and
 when dealing out in an affected tone   
his unmeaning discourses1 resembled     
,peter the ,hermit1 preaching up the    
crusade with a sabre at his side4       
,madam ,sabran1 his wife1 was a         
tolerable1 good sort of woman2 more     
peaceable by day than by night2 as ,i   
slept in the same chamber ,i was        

frequently disturbed by her wakefulness1
 and should have been more so had ,i    
comprehended the cause of it2 but ,i was
 in the chapter of dullness1 which left 
to nature the whole care of my own      
instruction4  ,i went on gayly with my  
pious guide and his hopeful companion1  
no sinister accident impeding our       
journey4  ,i was in the happiest        
circumstances both of mind and body that
 ,i ever recollect having experienced2  
young1 full of health and security1     
placing unbounded confidence in myself  
and others2 in that short but charming  
moment of human life1 whose expansive   
energy carries1 if ,i may so express    
myself1 our being to the utmost extent  
of our sensations1 embellishing all     
nature with an inexpressible charm1     
flowing from the conscious and rising   
enjoyment of our existence4  ,my        
pleasing inquietudes became less        
wandering3 ,i had now an object on which
 imagination could fix4  ,i looked on   
myself as the work1 the pupil1 the      

friend1 almost the lover of ,madam de   
,warrens2 the obliging things she had   
said1 the caresses she had bestowed on  
me2 the tender interest she seemed to   
take in everything that concerned me2   
those charming looks1 which seemed      
replete with love1 because they so      
powerfully inspired it1 every           
consideration flattered my ideas during 
this journey1 and furnished the most    
delicious reveries1 which1 no doubt1 no 
fear of my future condition arose to    
embitter4  ,in sending me to ,turin1 ,i 
thought they engaged to find me an      
agreeable subsistence there2 thus eased 
of every care ,i passed lightly on1     
while young desires1 enchanting hopes1  
and brilliant prospects employed my     
mind2 each object that presented itself 
seemed to insure my approaching         
felicity4  ,i imagined that every house 
was filled with joyous festivity1 the   
meadows resounded with sports and       
revelry1 the rivers offered refreshing  
baths1 delicious fish wantoned in these 

streams1 and how delightful was it to   
ramble along the flowery banks6  ,the   
trees were loaded with the choicest     
fruits1 while their shade afforded the  
most charming and voluptuous retreats to
 happy lovers2 the mountains abounded   
with milk and cream2 peace and leisure1 
simplicity and joy1 mingled with the    
charm of going ,i knew not whither1 and 
everything ,i saw carried to my heart   
some new cause for rapture4  ,the       
grandeur1 variety1 and real beauty of   
the scene1 in some measure rendered the 
charm reasonable1 in which vanity came  
in for its share2 to go so young to     
,italy1 view such an extent of country1 
and pursue the route of ,hannibal over  
the ,alps1 appeared a glory beyond my   
age2 add to all this our frequent and   
agreeable halts1 with a good appetite   
and plenty to satisfy it2 for in truth  
it was not worth while to be sparing2 at
 ,mr4 ,sabran's table what ,i eat could 
scarce be missed4  ,in the whole course 
of my life ,i cannot recollect an       

interval more perfectly exempt from     
care1 than the seven or eight days ,i   
was passing from ,annecy to ,turin4  ,as
 we were obliged to walk ,madam         
,sabran's pace1 it rather appeared an   
agreeable jaunt than a fatiguing        
journey2 there still remains the most   
pleasing impressions of it on my mind1  
and the idea of a pedestrian excursion1 
particularly among the mountains1 has   
from this time seemed delightful4  ,it  
was only in my happiest days that ,i    
travelled on foot1 and ever with the    
most unbounded satisfaction2 afterwards1
 occupied with business and encumbered  
with baggage1 ,i was forced to act the  
gentleman and employ a carriage1 where  
care1 embarrassment1 and restraint1 were
 sure to be my companions1 and instead  
of being delighted with the journey1 ,i 
only wished to arrive at the place of   
destination4  ,i was a long time at     
,paris1 wishing to meet with two        
companions of similar dispositions1 who 
would each agree to appropriate fifty   

guineas of his property and a year of   
his time to making the tour of ,italy on
 foot1 with no other attendance than a  
young fellow to carry our necessaries2  
,i have met with many who seemed        
enchanted with the project1 but         
considered it only as a visionary       
scheme1 which served well enough to talk
 of1 without any design of putting it in
 execution4  ,one day1 speaking with    
enthusiasm of this project to ,diderot  
and ,grimm1 they gave into the proposal 
with such warmth that ,i thought the    
matter concluded on2 but it only turned 
out a journey on paper1 in which ,grimm 
thought nothing so pleasing as making   
,diderot commit a number of impieties1  
and shutting me up in the ,inquisition  
for them1 instead of him4  ,my regret at
 arriving so soon at ,turin was         
compensated by the pleasure of viewing a
 large city1 and the hope of figuring   
there in a conspicuous character1 for my
 brain already began to be intoxicated  
with the fumes of ambition2 my present  

situation appeared infinitely above that
 of an apprentice1 and ,i was far from  
foreseeing how soon ,i should be much   
below it4  ,before ,i proceed1 ,i ought 
to offer an excuse1 or justification to 
the reader for the great number of      
unentertaining particulars ,i am        
necessitated to repeat4  ,in pursuance  
of the resolution ,i have formed to     
enter on this public exhibition of      
myself1 it is necessary that nothing    
should bear the appearance of obscurity 
or concealment4  ,i should be           
continually under the eye of the reader1
 he should be enabled to follow me ,in  
all the wanderings of my heart1 through 
every intricacy of my adventures2 he    
must find no void or chasm in my        
relation1 nor lose sight of me an       
instant1 lest he should find occasion to
 say1 what was he doing at this time2   
and suspect me of not having dared to   
reveal the whole4  ,i give sufficient   
scope to malignity in what ,i say2 it is
 unnecessary ,i should furnish still    

more by my science4  ,my money was all  
gone1 even that ,i had secretly received
 from ,madam de ,warrens3 ,i had been so
 indiscreet as to divulge this secret1  
and my conductors had taken care to     
profit by it4  ,madam ,sabran found     
means to deprive me of everything ,i    
had1 even to a ribbon embroidered with  
silver1 with which ,madam de ,warrens   
had adorned the hilt of my sword2 this  
,i regretted more than all the rest2    
indeed the sword itself would have gone 
the same way1 had ,i been less          
obstinately bent on retaining it4  ,they
 had1 it is true1 supported me during   
the journey1 but left me nothing at the 
end of it1 and ,i arrived at ,turin1    
without money1 clothes1 or linen1 being 
precisely in the situation to owe to my 
merit alone the whole honor of that     
fortune ,i was about to acquire4  ,i    
took care in the first place to deliver 
the letters ,i was charged with1 and was
 presently conducted to the hospital of 
the catechumens1 to be instructed in    

that religion1 for which1 in return1 ,i 
was to receive subsistence4  ,on        
entering1 ,i passed an iron-barred gate1
 which was immediately double-locked on 
me2 this beginning was by no means      
calculated to give me a favorable       
opinion of my situation4  ,i was then   
conducted to a large apartment1 whose   
furniture consisted of a wooden altar at
 the farther end1 on which was a large  
crucifix1 and round it several          
indifferent chairs1 of the same         
materials4  ,in this hall of audience   
were assembled four or five ill-looking 
banditti1 my comrades in instruction1   
who would rather have been taken for    
trusty servants of the devil than       
candidates for the kingdom of heaven4   
,two of these fellows were ,sclavonians1
 but gave out they were ,african ,jews1 
and 7as they assured me7 had run through
 ,spain and ,italy1 embracing the       
,christian faith1 and being baptised    
wherever they thought it worth their    
labor4  ,soon after they opened another 

iron gate1 which divided a large balcony
 that overlooked a court yard1 and by   
this avenue entered our sister          
catechumens1 who1 like me1 were going to
 be regenerated1 not by baptism but a   
solemn abjuration4  ,a viler set of     
idle1 dirty1 abandoned harlots1 never   
disgraced any persuasion2 one among     
them1 however1 appeared pretty and      
interesting2 she might be about my own  
age1 perhaps a year or two older1 and   
had a pair of roguish eyes1 which       
frequently encountered mine2 this was   
enough to inspire me with the desire of 
becoming acquainted with her1 but she   
had been so strongly recommended to the 
care of the old governess of this       
respectable sisterhood1 and was so      
narrowly watched by the pious           
missionary1 who labored for her         
conversion with more zeal than          
diligence1 that during the two months we
 remained together in this house 7where 
she had already been three7 ,i found it 
absolutely impossible to exchange a word

 with her4  ,she must have been         
extremely stupid1 though she had not the
 appearance of it1 for never was a      
longer course of instruction2 the holy  
man could never bring her to a state of 
mind fit for abjuration2 meantime she   
became weary of her cloister1 declaring 
that1 ,christian or not1 she would stay 
there no longer2 and they were obliged  
to take her at her word1 lest she should
 grow refractory1 and insist on         
departing as great a sinner as she came4
  ,this hopeful community were assembled
 in honor of the new-comer2 when our    
guides made us a short exhortation3 ,i  
was conjured to be obedient to the grace
 that ,heaven had bestowed on me2 the   
rest were admonished to assist me with  
their prayers1 and give me edification  
by their good example4 ,our virgins then
 retired to another apartment1 and ,i   
was left to contemplate1 at leisure1    
that wherein ,i found myself4  ,the next
 morning we were again assembled for    
instruction3 ,i now began to reflect1   

for the first time1 on the step ,i was  
about to take1 and the circumstances    
which had led me to it4  ,i repeat1 and 
shall perhaps repeat again1 an assertion
 ,i have already advanced1 and of whose 
truth ,i every day receive fresh        
conviction1 which is1 that if ever child
 received a reasonable and virtuous     
education1 it was myself4  ,born in a   
family of unexceptionable morals1 every 
lesson ,i received was replete with     
maxims of prudence and virtue4  ,my     
father 7though fond of gallantry7 not   
only possessed distinguished probity1   
but much religion2 in the world he      
appeared a man of pleasure1 in his      
family he was a ,christian1 and         
implanted early in my mind those        
sentiments he felt the force of4  ,my   
three aunts were women of virtue and    
piety2 the two eldest were professed    
devotees1 and the third1 who united all 
the graces of wit and good sense1 was1  
perhaps1 more truly religious than      
either1 though with less ostentation4   

,from the bosom of this amiable family  
,i was transplanted to ,m4              
,lambercier's1 a man dedicated to the   
ministry1 who believed the doctrine he  
taught1 and acted up to its precepts4   
,he and his sister matured by their     
instructions those principles of        
judicious piety ,i had already imbibed1 
and the means employed by these worthy  
people were so well adapted to the      
effect they meant to produce1 that so   
far from being fatigued1 ,i scarce ever 
listened to their admonitions without   
finding myself sensibly affected1 and   
forming resolutions to live virtuously1 
from which1 except in moments of        
forgetfulness1 ,i seldom swerved4  ,at  
my uncle's1 religion was far more       
tiresome1 because they made it an       
employment2 with my master ,i thought no
 more of it1 though my sentiments       
continued the same3 ,i had no companions
 to vitiate my morals3 ,i became idle1  
careless1 and obstinate1 but my         
principles were not impaired4  ,i       

possessed as much religion1 therefore1  
as a child could be supposed capable of 
acquiring4  ,why should ,i now disguise 
my thoughts8  ,i am persuaded ,i had    
more4  ,in my childhood1 ,i was not a   
child2 ,i felt1 ,i thought as a man3 as 
,i advanced in years1 ,i mingled with   
the ordinary class2 in my infancy ,i was
 distinguished from it4  ,i shall       
doubtless incur ridicule by thus        
modestly holding myself up for a        
prodigy--,i am content4  ,let those who 
find themselves disposed to it1 laugh   
their fill2 afterward1 let them find a  
child that at six years old is          
delighted1 interested1 affected with    
romances1 even to the shedding floods of
 tears2 ,i shall then feel my ridiculous
 vanity1 and acknowledge myself in an   
error4  ,thus when ,i said we should not
 converse with children on religion1 if 
we wished them ever to possess any2 when
 ,i asserted they were incapable of     
communion with the ,supreme ,being1 even
 in our confined degree1 ,i drew my     

conclusions from general observation2 ,i
 knew they were not applicable to       
particular instances3 find ,j4 ,j4      
,rousseau of six years old1 converse    
with them on religious subjects at      
seven1 and ,i will be answerable that   
the experiment will be attended with no 
danger4  ,it is understood1 ,i believe1 
that a child1 or even a man1 is likely  
to be most sincere while persevering in 
that religion in whose belief he was    
born and educated2 we frequently detract
 from1 seldom make any additions to it3 
dogmatical faith is the effect of       
education4  ,in addition to this general
 principle which attached me to the     
religion of my forefathers1 ,i had that 
particular aversion our city entertains 
for ,catholicism1 which is represented  
there as the most monstrous idolatry1   
and whose clergy are painted in the     
blackest colors4  ,this sentiment was so
 firmly imprinted on my mind1 that ,i   
never dared to look into their          
churches--,i could not bear to meet a   

priest in his surplice1 and never did ,i
 hear the bells of a procession sound   
without shuddering with horror2 these   
sensations soon wore off in great       
cities1 but frequently returned in      
country parishes1 which bore more       
similarity to the spot where ,i first   
experienced them2 meantime this dislike 
was singularly contrasted by the        
remembrance of those caresses which     
priests in the neighborhood of ,geneva  
are fond of bestowing on the children of
 that city4  ,if the bells of the       
viaticum alarmed me1 the chiming for    
mass or vespers called me to a          
breakfast1 a collation1 to the pleasure 
of regaling on fresh butter1 fruits1 or 
milk2 the good cheer of ,m4 de          
,pontverre had produced a considerable  
effect on me2 my former abhorrence began
 to diminish1 and looking on popery     
through the medium of amusement and good
 living1 ,i easily reconciled myself to 
the idea of enduring1 though ,i never   
entertained but a very transient and    

distant idea of making a solemn         
profession of it4  ,at this moment such 
a transaction appeared in all its       
horrors2 ,i shuddered at the engagement 
,i had entered into1 and its inevitable 
consequences4  ,the future neophytes    
with which ,i was surrounded were not   
calculated to sustain my courage by     
their example1 and ,i could not help    
considering the holy work ,i was about  
to perform as the action of a villain4  
,though young1 ,i was sufficiently      
convinced1 that whatever religion might 
be the true one1 ,i was about to sell   
mine2 and even should ,i chance to chose
 the best1 ,i lied to the ,holy ,ghost1 
and merited the disdain of every good   
man4  ,the more ,i considered1 the more 
,i despised myself1 and trembled at the 
fate which had led me into such a       
predicament1 as if my present situation 
had not been of my own seeking4 ,there  
were moments when these compunctions    
were so strong that had ,i found the    
door open but for an instant1 ,i should 

certainly have made my escape2 but this 
was impossible1 nor was the resolution  
of any long duration1 being combated by 
too many secret motives to stand any    
chance of gaining the victory4  ,my     
fixed determination not to return to    
,geneva1 the shame that would attend it1
 the difficulty of repassing the        
mountains1 at a distance from my        
country1 without friends1 and without   
resources1 everything concurred to make 
me consider my remorse of conscience1 as
 a too late repentance4 ,i affected to  
reproach myself for what ,i had done1 to
 seek excuses for that ,i intended to   
do1 and by aggravating the errors of the
 past1 looked on the future as an       
inevitable consequence4  ,i did not say1
 nothing is yet done1 and you may be    
innocent if you please2 but ,i said1    
tremble at the crime thou hast          
committed1 which hath reduced thee to   
the necessity of filling up the measure 
of thine iniquities4  ,it required more 
resolution than was natural to my age to

 revoke those expectations which ,i had 
given them reason to entertain1 break   
those chains with which ,i was          
enthralled1 and resolutely declare ,i   
would continue in the religion of my    
forefathers1 whatever might be the      
consequence4  ,the affair was already   
too far advanced1 and spite of all my   
efforts they would have made a point of 
bringing it to a conclusion4  ,the      
sophism which ruined me has had a       
similar affect on the greater part of   
mankind1 who lament the want of         
resolution when the opportunity for     
exercising it is over4  ,the practice of
 virtue is only difficult from our own  
negligence2 were1 we always discreet1 we
 should seldom have occasion for any    
painful exertion of it2 we are          
captivated by desires we might readily  
surmount1 give into temptations that    
might easily be resisted1 and insensibly
 get into embarrassing1 perilous        
situations1 from which we cannot        
extricate ourselves but with the utmost 

difficulty2 intimidated by the effort1  
we fall into the abyss1 saying to the   
,almighty1 why hast thou made us such   
weak creatures8  ,but1 notwithstanding  
our vain pretexts1 ,he replies1 by our  
consciences1 ,i formed ye too weak to   
get out of the gulf1 because ,i gave ye 
sufficient strength not to have fallen  
into it4  ,i was not absolutely resolved
 to become a ,catholic1 but1 as it was  
not necessary to declare my intentions  
immediately1 ,i gradually accustomed    
myself to the idea2 hoping1 meantime1   
that some unforeseen event would        
extricate me from my embarrassment4  ,in
 order to gain time1 ,i resolved to make
 the best defence ,i possibly could in  
favor of my own opinion2 but my vanity  
soon rendered this resolution           
unnecessary1 for on finding ,i          
frequently embarrassed those who had the
 care of my instruction1 ,i wished to   
heighten my triumph by giving them a    
complete overthrow4  ,i zealously       
pursued my plan1 not without the        

ridiculous hope of being able to convert
 my convertors2 for ,i was simple enough
 to believe1 that could ,i convince them
 of their errors1 they would become     
,protestants2 they did not find1        
therefore1 that facility in the work    
which they had expected1 as ,i differed 
both in regard to will and knowledge    
from the opinion they had entertained of
 me4  ,protestants1 in general1 are     
better instructed in the principles of  
their religion than ,catholics2 the     
reason is obvious2 the doctrine of the  
former requires discussion1 of the      
latter a blind submission2 the ,catholic
 must content himself with the decisions
 of others1 the ,protestant must learn  
to decide for himself2 they were not    
ignorant of this1 but neither my age nor
 appearance promised much difficulty to 
men so accustomed to disputation4  ,they
 knew1 likewise1 that ,i had not        
received my first communion1 nor the    
instructions which accompany it2 but1 on
 the other hand1 they had no idea of the

 information ,i received at ,m4         
,lambercier's1 or that ,i had learned   
the history of the church and empire    
almost by heart at my father's2 and     
though 7since that time1 nearly forgot1 
when warmed by the dispute1 very        
unfortunately for these gentlemen71 it  
again returned to my memory4  ,a little 
old priest1 but tolerably venerable1    
held the first conference2 at which we  
were all convened4  ,on the part of my  
comrades1 it was rather a catechism than
 a controversy1 and he found more pains 
in giving them instruction than         
answering their objections2 but when it 
came to my turn1 it was a different     
matter2 ,i stopped him at every article1
 and did not spare a single remark that 
,i thought would create a difficulty3   
this rendered the conference long and   
extremely tiresome to the assistants4   
,my old priest talked a great deal1 was 
very warm1 frequently rambled from the  
subject1 and extricated himself from    
difficulties by saying he was not       

sufficiently versed in the ,french      
language4  ,the next day1 lest my       
indiscreet objections should injure the 
minds of those who were better disposed1
 ,i was led into a separate chamber and 
put under the care of a younger priest1 
a fine speaker2 that is1 one who was    
fond of long perplexed sentences1 and   
proud of his own abilities1 if ever     
doctor was4  ,i did not1 however1 suffer
 myself to be intimidated by his        
overbearing looks3 and being sensible   
that ,i could maintain my ground1 ,i    
combated his assertions1 exposed his    
mistakes1 and laid about me in the best 
manner ,i was able4  ,he thought to     
silence me at once with ,st4 ,augustine1
 ,st4 ,gregory1 and the rest of the     
fathers1 but found1 to his ineffable    
surprise1 that ,i could handle these    
almost as dexterously as himself2 not   
that ,i had ever read them1 or he       
either1 perhaps1 but ,i retained a      
number of passages taken from my ,le    
,sueur1 and when he bore hard on me with

 one citation1 without standing to      
dispute1 ,i parried it with another1    
which method embarrassed him extremely4 
,at length1 however1 he got the better  
of me for two very potent reasons2 in   
the first place1 he was of the strongest
 side2 young as ,i was1 ,i thought it   
might be dangerous to drive him to      
extremities1 for ,i plainly saw the old 
priest was neither satisfied with me nor
 my erudition4  ,in the next place1 he  
had studied1 ,i had not2 this gave a    
degree of method to his arguments which 
,i could not follow2 and whenever he    
found himself pressed by an unforeseen  
objection he put it off to the next     
conference1 pretending ,i rambled from  
the question in dispute4  ,sometimes he 
even rejected all my quotations1        
maintaining they were false1 and1       
offering to fetch the book1 defied me to
 find them4  ,he knew he ran very little
 risk1 and that1 with all my borrowed   
learning1 ,i was not sufficiently       
accustomed to books1 and too poor a     

,latinist to find a passage in a large  
volume1 had ,i been ever so well assured
 it was there4  ,i even suspected him of
 having been guilty of a perfidy with   
which he accused our ministers1 and that
 he fabricated passages sometimes in    
order to evade an objection that        
incommoded him4  ,meanwhile the hospital
 became every day more disagreeable to  
me1 and seeing but one way to get out of
 it1 ,i endeavored to hasten my         
abjuration with as much eagerness as ,i 
had hitherto sought to retard it4  ,the 
two ,africans had been baptised with    
great ceremony1 they were habited in    
white from head to foot to signify the  
purity of their regenerated souls4  ,my 
turn came a month after2 for all this   
time was thought necessary by my        
directors1 that they might have the     
honor of a difficult conversion1 and    
every dogma of their faith was          
recapitulated1 in order to triumph the  
more completely over my new docility4   
,at length1 sufficiently instructed and 

disposed to the will of my masters1 ,i  
was led in procession to the            
metropolitan church of ,st4 ,john1 to   
make a solemn abjuration1 and undergo a 
ceremony made use of on these occasions1
 which1 though not baptism1 is very     
similar1 and serves to persuade the     
people that ,protestants are not        
,christians4  ,i was clothed in a kind  
of gray robe1 decorated with white      
,brandenburgs4  ,two men1 one behind1   
the other before me1 carried copper     
basins which they kept striking with a  
key1 and in which those who were        
charitably disposed put their alms1     
according as they found themselves      
influenced by religion or good will for 
the new convert2 in a word1 nothing of  
,catholic pageantry was omitted that    
could render the solemnity edifying to  
the populace1 or humiliating to me4     
,the white dress might have been        
serviceable1 but as ,i had not the honor
 to be either ,moor or ,jew1 they did   
not think fit to compliment me with it4 

,the affair did not end here1 ,i must   
now go to the ,inquisition to be        
absolved from the dreadful sin of       
heresy1 and return to the bosom of the  
church with the same ceremony to which  
,henry the ,fourth was subjected by his 
ambassador4  ,the air and manner of the 
right reverend ,father ,inquisitor was  
by no means calculated to dissipate the 
secret horror that seized my spirits on 
entering this holy mansion4  ,after     
several questions relative to my faith1 
situation1 and family1 he asked me      
bluntly if my mother was damned8        
,terror repressed the first gust of     
indignation2 this gave me time to       
recollect myself1 and ,i answered1 ,i   
hope not1 for ,god might have           
enlightened her last moments4  ,the monk
 made no reply1 but his silence was     
attended with a look by no means        
expressive of approbation4  ,all these  
ceremonies ended1 the very moment ,i    
flattered myself ,i should be           
plentifully provided for1 they exhorted 

me to continue a good ,christian1 and   
live in obedience to the grace ,i had   
received2 then wishing me good fortune1 
with rather more than twenty francs of  
small money in my pocket1 the produce of
 the above--mentioned collection1 turned
 me out1 shut the door on me1 and ,i saw
 no more of them6  ,thus1 in a moment1  
all my flattering expectations were at  
an end2 and nothing remained from my    
interested conversion but the           
remembrance of having been made both a  
dupe and an apostate4  ,it is easy to   
imagine what a sudden revolution was    
produced in my ideas1 when every        
brilliant expectation of making a       
fortune terminated by seeing myself     
plunged in the completest misery4  ,in  
the morning ,i was deliberating what    
palace ,i should inhabit1 before night  
,i was reduced to seek my lodging in the
 street4  ,it may be supposed that ,i   
gave myself up to the most violent      
transports of despair1 rendered more    
bitter by a consciousness that my own   

folly had reduced me to these           
extremities2 but the truth is1 ,i       
experienced none of these disagreeable  
sensations4  ,i had passed two months in
 absolute confinement2 this was new to  
me2 ,i was now emancipated1 and the     
sentiment ,i felt most forcibly1 was joy
 at my recovered liberty4  ,after a     
slavery which had appeared tedious1 ,i  
was again master of my time and actions1
 in a great city1 abundant in resources1
 crowded with people of fortune1 to whom
 my merit and talents could not fail to 
recommend me4  ,i had sufficient time   
before me to expect this good fortune1  
for my twenty livres seemed an          
inexhaustible treasure1 which ,i might  
dispose of without rendering an account 
of to anyone4  ,it was the first time ,i
 had found myself so rich1 and far from 
giving way to melancholy reflections1 ,i
 only adopted other hopes1 in which     
self-love was by no means a loser4      
,never did ,i feel so great a degree of 
confidence and security2 ,i looked on my

 fortune as already made and was pleased
 to think ,i should have no one but     
myself to thank for the acquisition of  
it4  ,the first thing ,i did was to     
satisfy my curiosity by rambling all    
over the city1 and ,i seemed to consider
 it as a confirmation of my liberty2 ,i 
went to see the soldiers mount guard1   
and was delighted with their military   
accouterment2 ,i followed processions1  
and was pleased with the solemn music of
 the priests2 ,i next went to see the   
king's palace1 which ,i approached with 
awe1 but seeing others enter1 ,i        
followed their example1 and no one      
prevented me2 perhaps ,i owed this favor
 to the small parcel ,i carried under my
 arm2 be that as it may1 ,i conceived a 
high opinion of my consequence from this
 circumstance1 and already thought      
myself an inhabitant there4  ,the       
weather was hot2 ,i had walked about    
till ,i was both fatigued and hungry2   
wishing for some refreshment1 ,i went   
into a milk-house2 they brought me some 

cream-cheese curds and whey1 and two    
slices of that excellent ,piedmont      
bread1 which ,i prefer to any other2 and
 for five or six sous ,i had one of the 
most delicious meals ,i ever recollect  
to have made4  ,it was time to seek a   
lodging3 as ,i already knew enough of   
the ,piedmontese language to make myself
 understood1 this was a work of no great
 difficulty2 and ,i had so much         
prudence1 that ,i wished to adapt it    
rather to the state of my purse than the
 bent of my inclinations4  ,in the      
course of my inquiries1 ,i was informed 
that a soldier's wife1 in ,po-street1   
furnished lodgings to servants out of   
place at only one sou a night1 and      
finding one of her poor beds disengaged1
 ,i took possession of it4  ,she was    
young and newly married1 though she     
already had five or six children4       
,mother1 children and lodgers1 all slept
 in the same chamber1 and it continued  
thus while ,i remained there4  ,she was 
good-natured1 swore like a carman1 and  

wore neither cap nor handkerchief2 but  
she had a gentle heart1 was officious2  
and to me both kind and serviceable4    
,for several days ,i gave myself up to  
the pleasures of independence and       
curiosity2 ,i continued wandering about 
the city and its environs1 examining    
every object that seemed curious or new2
 and1 indeed1 most things had that      
appearance to a young novice4  ,i never 
omitted visiting the court1 and assisted
 regularly every morning at the king's  
mass4 ,i thought it a great honor to be 
in the same chapel with this prince and 
his retinue2 but my passion for music1  
which now began to make its appearance1 
was a greater incentive than the        
splendor of the court1 which1 soon seen 
and always the same1 presently lost its 
attraction4 ,the ,king of ,sardinia had 
at that time the best music in ,europe2 
,somis1 ,desjardins1 and the ,bezuzzi   
shone there alternately2 all these were 
not necessary to fascinate a youth whom 
the sound of the most simple instrument1

 provided it was just1 transported with 
joy4  ,magnificence only produced a     
stupid admiration1 without any violent  
desire to partake of it1 my thoughts    
were principally employed in observing  
whether any young princess was present  
that merited my homage1 and whom ,i     
could make the heroine of a romance4    
,meantime1 ,i was on the point of       
beginning one2 in a less elevated       
sphere1 it is true1 but where could ,i  
have brought it to a conclusion1 ,i     
should have found pleasures a thousand  
times more delicious4  ,though ,i lived 
with the strictest economy1 my purse    
insensibly grew lighter4  ,this economy 
was1 however1 less the effect of        
prudence than that love of simplicity1  
which1 even to this day1 the use of the 
most expensive tables has not been able 
to vitiate4  ,nothing in my idea1 either
 at that time or since1 could exceed a  
rustic repast2 give me milk1 vegetables1
 eggs1 and brown bread1 with tolerable  
wine and ,i shall always think myself   

sumptuously regaled2 a good appetite    
will furnish out the rest1 if the maitre
 d' hotel1 with a number of unnecessary 
footmen1 do not satiate me with their   
important attentions4  ,five or six sous
 would then procure me a more agreeable 
meal than as many livres would have done
 since2 ,i was abstemious1 therefore1   
for want of a temptation to be          
otherwise3 though ,i do not know but ,i 
am wrong to call this abstinence1 for   
with my pears1 new cheese1 bread and    
some glasses of ,montferrat wine1 which 
you might have cut with a knife1 ,i was 
the greatest of epicures4               
,notwithstanding my expenses were very  
moderate1 it was possible to see the end
 of twenty livres2 ,i was every day more
 convinced of this1 and1 spite of the   
giddiness of youth1 my apprehensions for
 the future amounted almost to terror4  
,all my castles in the air were         
vanished1 and ,i became sensible of the 
necessity of seeking some occupation    
that would procure me a subsistence4    

,even this was a work of difficulty2 ,i 
thought of my engraving1 but knew too   
little of it to be employed as a        
journeyman1 nor do masters abound in    
,turin2 ,i resolved1 therefore1 till    
something better presented itself1 to go
 from shop to shop1 offering to engrave 
ciphers1 or coats of arms1 on pieces of 
plate1 etc41 and hoped to get employment
 by working at a low price2 or taking   
what they chose to give me4  ,even this 
expedient did not answer my             
expectations2 almost all my applications
 were ineffectual1 the little ,i        
procured being hardly sufficient to     
produce a few scanty meals4  ,walking   
one morning pretty early in the ',contra
 nova'1 ,i saw a young tradeswoman      
behind a counter1 whose looks were so   
charmingly attractive1 that1            
notwithstanding my timidity with the    
ladies1 ,i entered the shop without     
hesitation1 offered my services as      
usual3 and had the happiness to have it 
accepted4  ,she made me sit down and    

recite my little history1 pitied my     
forlorn situation2 bade me be cheerful1 
and endeavored to make me so by an      
assurance that every good ,christian    
would give me assistance2 then 7while   
she had occasion for7 she went up stairs
 and fetched me something for breakfast4
  ,this seemed a promising beginning1   
nor was what followed less flattering3  
she was satisfied with my work1 and1    
when ,i had a little recovered myself1  
still more with my discourse4  ,she was 
rather elegantly dressed and            
notwithstanding her gentle looks this   
appearance of gayety had disconcerted   
me2 but her good-nature1 the            
compassionate tone of her voice1 with   
her gentle and caressing manner1 soon   
set me at ease with myself2 ,i saw my   
endeavors to please were crowned with   
success1 and this assurance made me     
succeed the more4  ,though an ,italian1 
and too pretty to be entirely devoid of 
coquetry1 she had so much modesty1 and  
,i so great a share of timidity1 that   

our adventure was not likely to be      
brought to a very speedy conclusion1 nor
 did they give us time to make any good 
of it4  ,i cannot recall the few short  
moments ,i passed with this lovely woman
 without being sensible of an           
inexpressible charm1 and can yet say1 it
 was there ,i tasted in their utmost    
perfection the most delightful1 as well 
as the purest pleasures of love4  ,she  
was a lively pleasing brunette1 and the 
good nature that was painted on her     
lovely face rendered her vivacity more  
interesting4  ,she was called ,madam    
,basile3 her husband1 who was           
considerably older than herself1        
consigned her1 during his absence1 to   
the care of a clerk1 too disagreeable to
 be thought dangerous2 but who1         
notwithstanding1 had pretensions that he
 seldom showed any signs of1 except of  
ill--humors1 a good share of which he   
bestowed on me2 though ,i was pleased to
 hear him play the flute1 on which he   
was a tolerable musician4  ,this second 

,egistus was sure to grumble whenever he
 saw me go into his mistress' apartment1
 treating me with a degree of disdain   
which she took care to repay him with   
interest2 seeming pleased to caress me  
in his presence1 on purpose to torment  
him4  ,this kind of revenge1 though     
perfectly to my taste1 would have been  
still more charming in a 'tete a tete'1 
but she did not proceed so far2 at      
least1 there was a difference in the    
expression of her kindness4  ,whether   
she thought me too young1 that it was my
 place to make advances1 or that she was
 seriously resolved to be virtuous1 she 
had at such times a kind of reserve1    
which1 though not absolutely            
discouraging1 kept my passion within    
bounds4  ,i did not feel the same real  
and tender respect for her as ,i did for
 ,madam de ,warrens3 ,i was embarrassed1
 agitated1 feared to look1 and hardly   
dared to breathe in her presence1 yet to
 have left her would have been worse    
than death3 ,how fondly did my eyes     

devour whatever they could gaze on      
without being perceived6 the flowers on 
her gown1 the point of her pretty foot1 
the interval of a round white arm that  
appeared between her glove and ruffle1  
the least part of her neck1 each object 
increased the force of all the rest1 and
 added to the infatuation4  ,gazing thus
 on what was to be seen1 and even more  
than was to be seen1 my sight became    
confused1 my chest seemed contracted1   
respiration was every moment more       
painful4  ,i had the utmost difficulty  
to hide my agitation1 to prevent my     
sighs from being heard1 and this        
difficulty was increased by the silence 
in which we were frequently plunged4    
,happily1 ,madam ,basile1 busy at her   
work1 saw nothing of all this1 or seemed
 not to see it3 yet ,i sometimes        
observed a kind of sympathy1 especially 
at the frequent rising of her           
handkerchief1 and this dangerous sight  
almost mastered every effort1 but when  
on the point of giving way to my        

transports1 she spoke a few words to me 
with an air of tranquility1 and in an   
instant the agitation subsided4  ,i saw 
her several times in this manner without
 a word1 a gesture1 or even a look1 too 
expressive1 making the least            
intelligence between us4  ,the situation
 was both my torment and delight1 for   
hardly in the simplicity of my heart1   
could ,i imagine the cause of my        
uneasiness4  ,i should suppose these    
'tete a tete' could not be displeasing  
to her1 at least1 she sought frequent   
occasions to renew them2 this was a very
 disinterested labor1 certainly1 as     
appeared by the use she made1 or ever   
suffered me to make of them4  ,being1   
one day1 wearied with the clerk's       
discourse1 she had retired to her       
chamber2 ,i made haste to finish what ,i
 had to do in the back shop1 and        
followed her2 the door was half open1   
and ,i entered without being perceived4 
,she was embroidering near a window on  
the opposite side of the room2 she could

 not see me2 and the carts in the       
streets made too much noise for me to be
 heard4  ,she was always well dressed1  
but this day her attire bordered on     
coquetry4  ,her attitude was graceful1  
her head leaning gently forward1        
discovered a small circle of her neck2  
her hair1 elegantly dressed was         
ornamented with flowers2 her figure was 
universally charming1 and ,i had an     
uninterrupted opportunity to admire it4 
,i was absolutely in a state of ecstasy1
 and1 involuntary1 sinking on my knees1 
,i passionately extended my arms towards
 her1 certain she could not hear1 and   
having no conception that she could see 
me2 but there was a chimney glass at the
 end of the room that betrayed all my   
proceedings4  ,i am ignorant what effect
 this transport produced on her2 she did
 not speak2 she did not look on me2 but1
 partly turning her head1 with the      
movement of her finger only1 she pointed
 to the mat that was at her feet--,to   
start up1 with an articulate cry of joy1

 and occupy the place she had indicated1
 was the work of a moment2 but it will  
hardly be believed ,i dared attempt no  
more1 not even to speak1 raise my eyes  
to hers1 or rest an instant on her      
knees1 though in an attitude which      
seemed to render such a support         
necessary4  ,i was dumb1 immovable1 but 
far enough from a state of tranquility2 
agitation1 joy1 gratitude1 ardent       
indefinite wishes1 restrained by the    
fear of giving displeasure1 which my    
unpractised heart too much dreaded1 were
 sufficiently discernible4  ,she neither
 appeared more tranquil1 nor less       
intimidated than myself--uneasy at my   
present situation2 confounded at having 
brought me there1 beginning to tremble  
for the effects of a sign which she had 
made without reflecting on the          
consequences1 neither giving            
encouragement1 nor expressing           
disapprobation1 with her eyes fixed on  
her work1 she endeavored to appear      
unconscious of everything that passed2  

but all my stupidity could not hinder me
 from concluding that she partook of my 
embarrassment1 perhaps1 my transports1  
and was only hindered by a bashfulness  
like mine1 without even that supposition
 giving me power to surmount it4  ,five 
or six years older than myself1 every   
advance1 according to my idea1 should   
have been made by her1 and1 since she   
did nothing to encourage mine1 ,i       
concluded they would offend her4  ,even 
at this time1 ,i am inclined to believe 
,i thought right2 she certainly had wit 
enough to perceive that a novice like me
 had occasion1 not only for             
encouragement but instruction4  ,i am   
ignorant how this animated1 though dumb 
scene would have ended1 or how long ,i  
should have continued immovable in this 
ridiculous1 though delicious1 situation1
 had we not been interrupted--in the    
height of my agitation1 ,i heard the    
kitchen door open1 which joined ,madam  
,basile's chamber2 who1 being alarmed1  
said1 with a quick voice and action1    

,get up6  ,here's ,rosina6  ,rising     
hastily ,i seized one of her hands1     
which she held out to me1 and gave it   
two eager kisses2 at the second ,i felt 
this charming hand press gently on my   
lips4  ,never in my life did ,i enjoy so
 sweet a moment2 but the occasion ,i had
 lost returned no more1 this being the  
conclusion of our amours4  ,this may be 
the reason why her image yet remains    
imprinted on my heart in such charming  
colors1 which have even acquired fresh  
lustre since ,i became acquainted with  
the world and women4  ,had she been     
mistress of the least degree of         
experience1 she would have taken other  
measures to animate so youthful a lover2
 but if her heart was weak1 it was      
virtuous2 and only suffered itself to be
 borne away by a powerful though        
involuntary inclination4  ,this was1    
apparently1 her first infidelity1 and ,i
 should1 perhaps1 have found more       
difficulty in vanquishing her scruples  
than my own2 but1 without proceeding so 

far1 ,i experienced in her company the  
most inexpressible delights4  ,never did
 ,i taste with any other woman pleasures
 equal to those two minutes which ,i    
passed at the feet of ,madam ,basile    
without even daring to touch her gown4  
,i am convinced no satisfaction can be  
compared to that we feel with a virtuous
 woman we esteem2 all is transport6--,a 
sign with the finger1 a hand lightly    
pressed against my lips1 were the only  
favors ,i ever received from ,madam     
,basile1 yet the bare remembrance of    
these trifling condescensions continues 
to transport me4  ,it was in vain ,i    
watched the two following days for      
another tete a tete2 it was impossible  
to find an opportunity2 nor could ,i    
perceive on her part any desire to      
forward it2 her behavior was not colder1
 but more distant than usual1 and ,i    
believe she avoided my looks for fear of
 not being able sufficiently to govern  
her own4  ,the cursed clerk was more    
vexatious than ever2 he even became a   

wit1 telling me1 with a satirical sneer1
 that ,i should unquestionably make my  
way among the ladies4  ,i trembled lest 
,i should have been guilty of some      
indiscretion1 and looking at myself as  
already engaged in an intrigue1         
endeavored to cover with an air of      
mystery an inclination which hitherto   
certainly had no great need of it2 this 
made me more circumspect in my choice of
 opportunities1 and by resolving only to
 seize such as should be absolutely free
 from the danger of a surprise1 ,i met  
none4  ,another romantic folly1 which ,i
 could never overcome1 and which1 joined
 to my natural timidity1 tended directly
 to contradict the clerk's predictions1 
is1 ,i always loved too sincerely1 too  
perfectly1 ,i may say1 to find happiness
 easily attainable4  ,never were        
passions at the same time more lively   
and pure than mine2 never was love more 
tender1 more true1 or more              
disinterested2 freely would ,i have     
sacrificed my own happiness to that of  

the object of my affection2 her         
reputation was dearer than my life1 and 
,i could promise myself no happiness for
 which ,i would have exposed her peace  
of mind for a moment4  ,this disposition
 has ever made me employ so much care1  
use so many precautions1 such secrecy in
 my adventures1 that all of them have   
failed2 in a word1 my want of success   
with the women has ever proceeded from  
having loved them too well4  ,to return 
to our ,egistus1 the fluter2 it was     
remarkable that in becoming more        
insupportable1 the traitor put on the   
appearance of complaisance4 ,from the   
first day ,madam ,basile had taken me   
under her protection1 she had endeavored
 to make me serviceable in the          
warehouse2 and finding ,i understood    
arithmetic tolerably well1 she proposed 
his teaching me to keep the books2 a    
proposition that was but indifferently  
received by this humorist1 who might1   
perhaps1 be fearful of being supplanted4
  ,as this failed1 my whole employ1     

besides what engraving ,i had to do1 was
 to transcribe some bills and accounts1 
to write several books over fair1 and   
translate commercial letters from       
,italian into ,french4  ,all at once he 
thought fit to accept the before        
rejected proposal1 saying1 he would     
teach me bookkeeping1 by double--entry1 
and put me in a situation to offer my   
services to ,m4 ,basile on his return2  
but there was something so false1       
malicious1 and ironical1 in his air and 
manner1 that it was by no means         
calculated to inspire me with           
confidence4  ,madam ,basile1 replied    
archly1 that ,i was much obliged to him 
for his kind offer1 but she hoped       
fortune would be more favorable to my   
merits1 for it would be a great         
misfortune1 with so much sense1 that ,i 
should only be a pitiful clerk4  ,she   
often said1 she would procure me some   
acquaintance that might be useful2 she  
doubtless felt the necessity of parting 
with me1 and had prudently resolved on  

it4  ,our mute declaration had been made
 on ,thursday1 the ,sunday following she
 gave a dinner4  ,a ,jacobin of good    
appearance was among the guests1 to whom
 she did me the honor to present me4    
,the monk treated me very               
affectionately1 congratulated me on my  
late conversion1 mentioned several      
particulars of my story1 which plainly  
showed he had been made acquainted with 
it1 then1 tapping me familiarly on the  
cheek1 bade me be good1 to keep up my   
spirits1 and come to see him at his     
convent1 where he should have more      
opportunity to talk with me4 ,i judged  
him to be a person of some consequence  
by the deference that was paid him2 and 
by the paternal tone he assumed with    
,madam ,basile1 to be her confessor4  ,i
 likewise remember that his decent      
familiarity was attended with an        
appearance of esteem1 and even respect  
for his fair penitent1 which then made  
less impression on me than at present4  
,had ,i possessed more experience how   

should ,i have congratulated myself on  
having touched the heart of a young     
woman respected by her confessor6  ,the 
table not being large enough to         
accommodate all the company1 a small one
 was prepared1 where ,i had the         
satisfaction of dining with our         
agreeable clerk2 but ,i lost nothing    
with regard to attention and good cheer1
 for several plates were sent to the    
side-table which were certainly not     
intended for him4  ,thus far all went   
well2 the ladies were in good spirits1  
and the gentlemen very gallant1 while   
,madam ,basile did the honors of the    
table with peculiar grace4  ,in the     
midst of the dinner we heard a chaise   
stop at the door1 and presently some one
 coming up stairs--it was ,m4 ,basile4  
,methinks ,i now see him entering1 in   
his scarlet coat with gold buttons      
--from that day ,i have held the color  
in abhorrence4  ,m4 ,basile was a tall  
handsome man1 of good address3 he       
entered with a consequential look and an

 air of taking his family unawares1     
though none but friends were present4   
,his wife ran to meet him1 threw her    
arms about his neck1 and gave him a     
thousand caresses1 which he received    
with the utmost indifference2 and       
without making any return saluted the   
company and took his place at table4    
,they were just beginning to speak of   
his journey1 when casting his eye on the
 small table he asked in a sharp tone1  
what lad that was8  ,madam ,basile      
answered ingenuously4  ,he then inquired
 whether ,i lodged in the house2 and was
 answered in the negative4  ,why not8   
replied he1 rudely1 since he stays here 
all day1 he might as well remain all    
night too4  ,the monk now interfered1   
with a serious and true eulogium on     
,madam ,basile3 in a few words he made  
mine also1 adding1 that so far from     
blaming1 he ought to further the pious  
charity of his wife1 since it was       
evident she had not passed the bounds of
 discretion4  ,the husband answered with

 an air of petulance1 which 7restrained 
by the presence of the monk7 he         
endeavored to stifle2 it was1 however1  
sufficient to let me understand he had  
already received information of me1 and 
that our worthy clerk had rendered me an
 ill office4  ,we had hardly risen from 
table1 when the latter came in triumph  
from his employer1 to inform me1 ,i must
 leave the house that instant1 and never
 more during my life dare to set foot   
there4  ,he took care to aggravate this 
commission by everything that could     
render it cruel and insulting4 ,i       
departed without a word1 my heart       
overwhelmed with sorrow1 less for being 
obliged to quit this amiable woman1 than
 at the thought of leaving her to the   
brutality of such a husband4  ,he was   
certainly right to wish her faithful2   
but though prudent and wellborn1 she was
 an ,italian1 that is to say1 tender and
 vindictive2 which made me think1 he was
 extremely imprudent in using means the 
most likely in the world to draw on     

himself the very evil he so much        
dreaded4  ,such was the success of my   
first adventure4  ,i walked several     
times up and down the street1 wishing to
 get a sight of what my heart           
incessantly regretted2 but ,i could only
 discover her husband1 or the vigilant  
clerk1 who1 perceiving me1 made a sign  
with the ell they used in the shop1     
which was more expressive than alluring3
 finding1 therefore1 that ,i was so     
completely watched1 my courage failed1  
and ,i went no more4  ,i wished1 at     
least1 to find out the patron she had   
provided me1 but1 unfortunately1 ,i did 
not know his name4  ,i ranged several   
times round the convent1 endeavoring in 
vain to meet with him4  ,at length1     
other events banished the delightful    
remembrance of ,madam ,basile2 and in a 
short time ,i so far forgot her1 that ,i
 remained as simple1 as much a novice as
 ever1 nor did my penchant for pretty   
women even receive any sensible         
augmentation4  ,her liberality had1     

however1 increased my little wardrobe1  
though she had done this with precaution
 and prudence1 regarding neatness more  
than decoration1 and to make me         
comfortable rather than brilliant4  ,the
 coat ,i had brought from ,geneva was   
yet wearable1 she only added a hat and  
some linen4  ,i had no ruffles1 nor     
would she give me any1 not but ,i felt a
 great inclination for them4  ,she was  
satisfied with having put it in my power
 to keep myself clean1 though a charge  
to do this was unnecessary while ,i was 
to appear before her4  ,a few days after
 this catastrophe2 my hostess1 who1 as  
,i have already observed1 was very      
friendly1 with great satisfaction       
informed me she had heard of a          
situation1 and that a lady of rank      
desired to see me4  ,i immediately      
thought myself in the road to great     
adventures2 that being the point to     
which all my ideas tended3 this1        
however1 did not prove so brilliant as  
,i had conceived it4  ,i waited on the  

lady with the servant2 who had mentioned
 me3 she asked a number of questions1   
and my answers not displeasing her1 ,i  
immediately entered into her service    
not1 indeed1 in the quality of favorite1
 but as a footman4  ,i was clothed like 
the rest of her people1 the only        
difference being1 they wore a           
shoulder--knot1 which ,i had not1 and1  
as there was no lace on her livery1 it  
appeared merely a tradesman's suit4     
,this was the unforeseen conclusion of  
all my great expectancies6  ,the        
,countess of ,vercellis1 with whom ,i   
now lived1 was a widow without children2
 her husband was a ,piedmontese1 but ,i 
always believed her to be a ,savoyard1  
as ,i could have no conception that a   
native of ,piedmont could speak such    
good ,french1 and with so pure an       
accent4  ,she was a middle-aged woman1  
of a noble appearance and cultivated    
understanding1 being fond of ,french    
literature1 in which she was well       
versed4  ,her letters had the           

expression1 and almost the elegance of  
,madam de ,savigne's2 some of them might
 have been taken for hers4  ,my         
principal employ1 which was by no means 
displeasing to me1 was to write from her
 dictating2 a cancer in the breast1 from
 which she suffered extremely1 not      
permitting her to write herself4  ,madam
 de ,vercellis not only possessed a good
 understanding1 but a strong and        
elevated soul4  ,i was with her during  
her last illness1 and saw her suffer and
 die1 without showing an instant of     
weakness1 or the least effort of        
constraint2 still retaining her feminine
 manners1 without entertaining an idea  
that such fortitude gave her any claim  
to philosophy2 a word which was not yet 
in fashion1 nor comprehended by her in  
the sense it is held at present4  ,this 
strength of disposition sometimes       
extended almost to apathy1 ever         
appearing to feel as little for others  
as herself2 and when she relieved the   
unfortunate1 it was rather for the sake 

of acting right1 than from a principle  
of real commiseration4  ,i have         
frequently experienced this             
insensibility1 in some measure1 during  
the three months ,i remained with her4  
,it would have been natural to have had 
an esteem for a young man of some       
abilities1 who was incessantly under her
 observation1 and that she should think1
 as she felt her dissolution            
approaching1 that after her death he    
would have occasion for assistance and  
support3 but whether she judged me      
unworthy of particular attention1 or    
that those who narrowly watched all her 
motions1 gave her no opportunity to     
think of any but themselves1 she did    
nothing for me4  ,i very well recollect 
that she showed some curiosity to know  
my story1 frequently questioning me1 and
 appearing pleased when ,i showed her   
the letters ,i wrote to ,madam de       
,warrens1 or explained my sentiments2   
but as she never discovered her own1 she
 certainly did not take the right means 

to come at them4  ,my heart1 naturally  
communicative1 loved to display its     
feelings1 whenever ,i encountered a     
similar disposition2 but dry1 cold      
interrogatories1 without any sign of    
blame or approbation on my answers1 gave
 me no confidence4  ,not being able to  
determine whether my discourse was      
agreeable or displeasing1 ,i was ever in
 fear1 and thought less of expressing my
 ideas1 than of being careful not to say
 anything that might seem to my         
disadvantage4  ,i have since remarked   
that this dry method of questioning     
themselves into people's characters is a
 common trick among women who pride     
themselves on superior understanding4   
,these imagine1 that by concealing their
 own sentiments1 they shall the more    
easily penetrate into those of others2  
being ignorant that this method destroys
 the confidence so necessary to make us 
reveal them4  ,a man1 on being          
questioned1 is immediately on his guard3
 and if once he supposes that1 without  

any interest in his concerns1 you only  
wish to set him a-talking1 either he    
entertains you with lies1 is silent1 or1
 examining every word before he utters  
it1 rather chooses to pass for a fool1  
than to be the dupe of your curiosity4  
,in short1 it is ever a bad method to   
attempt to read the hearts of others by 
endeavoring to conceal our own4  ,madam 
de ,vercellis never addressed a word to 
me which seemed to express affection1   
pity1 or benevolence4  ,she interrogated
 me coldly1 and my answers were uttered 
with so much timidity1 that she         
doubtless entertained but a mean opinion
 of my intellects1 for latterly she     
never asked me any questions1 nor said  
anything but what was absolutely        
necessary for her service4  ,she drew   
her judgment less from what ,i really   
was1 than from what she had made me1 and
 by considering me as a footman         
prevented my appearing otherwise4  ,i am
 inclined to think ,i suffered at that  
time by the same interested game of     

concealed manoeuvre1 which has          
counteracted me throughout my life1 and 
given me a very natural aversion for    
everything that has the least appearance
 of it4  ,madam de ,vercellis having no 
children1 her nephew1 the ,count de la  
,roque1 was her heir1 and paid his court
 assiduously1 as did her principal      
domestics1 who1 seeing her end          
approaching1 endeavored to take care of 
themselves2 in short1 so many were busy 
about her1 that she could hardly have   
found time to think of me4  ,at the head
 of her household was a ,m4 ,lorenzy1 an
 artful genius1 with a still more artful
 wife2 who had so far insinuated herself
 into the good graces of her mistress1  
that she was rather on the footing of a 
friend than a servant4  ,she had        
introduced a niece of hers as lady's    
maid3 her name was ,mademoiselle        
,pontal2 a cunning gypsy1 that gave     
herself all the airs of a waiting-woman1
 and assisted her aunt so well in       
besetting the countess1 that she only   

saw with their eyes1 and acted through  
their hands4  ,i had not the happiness  
to please this worthy triumvirate2 ,i   
obeyed1 but did not wait on them1 not   
conceiving that my duty to our general  
mistress required me to be a servant to 
her servants4 ,besides this1 ,i was a   
person that gave them some inquietude2  
they saw ,i was not in my proper        
situation1 and feared the countess would
 discover it likewise1 and by placing me
 in it1 decrease their portions2 for    
such sort of people1 too greedy to be   
just1 look on every legacy given to     
others as a diminution of their own     
wealth2 they endeavored1 therefore1 to  
keep me as much out of her sight as     
possible4  ,she loved to write letters1 
in her situation1 but they contrived to 
give her a distaste to it2 persuading   
her1 by the aid of the doctor1 that it  
was too fatiguing2 and1 under pretence  
that ,i did not understand how to wait  
on her1 they employed two great lubberly
 chairmen for that purpose2 in a word1  

they managed the affair so well1 that   
for eight days before she made her will1
 ,i had not been permitted to enter the 
chamber4  ,afterwards ,i went in as     
usual1 and was even more assiduous than 
any one1 being afflicted at the         
sufferings of the unhappy lady1 whom ,i 
truly respected and beloved for the     
calmness and fortitude with which she   
bore her illness1 and often did ,i shed 
tears of real sorrow without being      
perceived by any one4  ,at length we    
lost her--,i saw her expire4  ,she had  
lived like a woman of sense and virtue1 
her death was that of a philosopher4  ,i
 can truly say1 she rendered the        
,catholic religion amiable to me by the 
serenity with which she fulfilled its   
dictates1 without any mixture of        
negligence or affectation4  ,she was    
naturally serious1 but towards the end  
of her illness she possessed a kind of  
gayety1 too regular to be assumed1 which
 served as a counterpoise to the        
melancholy of her situation4  ,she only 

kept her bed two days1 continuing to    
discourse cheerfully with those about   
her to the very last4  ,she had         
bequeathed a year's wages to all the    
under servants1 but1 not being on the   
household list1 ,i had nothing3 the     
,count de la ,roque1 however1 ordered me
 thirty livres1 and the new coat ,i had 
on1 which ,m4 ,lorenzy would certainly  
have taken from me4  ,he even promised  
to procure me a place2 giving me        
permission to wait on him as often as ,i
 pleased4 ,accordingly1 ,i went two or  
three times1 without being able to speak
 to him1 and as ,i was easily repulsed1 
returned no more2 whether ,i did wrong  
will be seen hereafter4  ,would ,i had  
finished what ,i have to say of my      
living at ,madam de ,vercellis's4       
,though my situation apparently remained
 the same1 ,i did not leave her house as
 ,i had entered it3 ,i carried with me  
the long and painful remembrance of a   
crime2 an insupportable weight of       
remorse which yet hangs on my           

conscience1 and whose bitter            
recollection1 far from weakening1 during
 a period of forty years1 seems to      
gather strength as ,i grow old4  ,who   
would believe1 that a childish fault    
should be productive of such melancholy 
consequences8  ,but it is for the more  
than probable effects that my heart     
cannot be consoled4  ,i have1 perhaps1  
caused an amiable1 honest1 estimable    
girl1 who surely merited a better fate  
than myself1 to perish with shame and   
misery4  ,though it is very difficult to
 break up housekeeping without          
confusion1 and the loss of some         
property2 yet such was the fidelity of  
the domestics1 and the vigilance of ,m4 
and ,madam ,lorenzy1 that no article of 
the inventory was found wanting2 in     
short1 nothing was missing but a pink   
and silver ribbon1 which had been worn1 
and belonged to ,mademoiselle ,pontal4  
,though several things of more value    
were in my reach1 this ribbon alone     
tempted me1 and accordingly ,i stole it4

  ,as ,i took no great pains to conceal 
the bauble1 it was soon discovered2 they
 immediately insisted on knowing from   
whence ,i had taken it2 this perplexed  
me--,i hesitated1 and at length said1   
with confusion1 that ,marion gave it me4
  ,marion was a young ,mauriennese1 and 
had been cook to ,madam de ,vercellis   
ever since she left off giving          
entertainments1 for being sensible she  
had more need of good broths than fine  
ragouts1 she had discharged her former  
one4  ,marion was not only pretty1 but  
had that freshness of color only to be  
found among the mountains1 and1 above   
all1 an air of modesty and sweetness1   
which made it impossible to see her     
without affection2 she was besides a    
good girl1 virtuous1 and of such strict 
fidelity1 that everyone was surprised at
 hearing her named4  ,they had not less 
confidence in me1 and judged it         
necessary to certify which of us was the
 thief4  ,marion was sent for2 a great  
number of people were present1 among    

whom was the ,count de la ,roque3 she   
arrives2 they show her the ribbon2 ,i   
accuse her boldly3 she remains confused 
and speechless1 casting a look on me    
that would have disarmed a demon1 but   
which my barbarous heart resisted4  ,at 
length1 she denied it with firmness1 but
 without anger1 exhorting me to return  
to myself1 and not injure an innocent   
girl who had never wronged me4  ,with   
infernal impudence1 ,i confirmed my     
accusation1 and to her face maintained  
she had given me the ribbon3 on which1  
the poor girl1 bursting into tears1 said
 these words--,ah1 ,rousseau6  ,i       
thought you a good disposition--you     
render me very unhappy1 but ,i would not
 be in your situation4  ,she continued  
to defend herself with as much innocence
 as firmness1 but without uttering the  
least invective against me4  ,her       
moderation1 compared to my positive     
tone1 did her an injury2 as it did not  
appear natural to suppose1 on one side  
such diabolical assurance2 on the other1

 such angelic mildness4  ,the affair    
could not be absolutely decided1 but the
 presumption was in my favor2 and the   
,count de la ,roque1 in sending us both 
away1 contented himself with saying1    
,the conscience of the guilty would     
revenge the innocent4  ,his prediction  
was true1 and is being daily verified4  
,i am ignorant what became of the victim
 of my calumny1 but there is little     
probability of her having been able to  
place herself agreeably after this1 as  
she labored under an imputation cruel to
 her character in every respect4  ,the  
theft was a trifle1 yet it was a theft1 
and1 what was worse1 employed to seduce 
a boy2 while the lie and obstinacy left 
nothing to hope from a person in whom so
 many vices were united4  ,i do not even
 look on the misery and disgrace in     
which ,i plunged her as the greatest    
evil3 who knows1 at her age1 whither    
contempt and disregarded innocence might
 have led her8--,alas6 if remorse for   
having made her unhappy is              

insupportable1 what must ,i have        
suffered at the thought of rendering her
 even worse than myself4  ,the cruel    
remembrance of this transaction1        
sometimes so troubles and disorders me1 
that1 in my disturbed slumbers1 ,i      
imagine ,i see this poor girl enter and 
reproach me with my crime1 as though ,i 
had committed it but yesterday4  ,while 
in easy tranquil circumstances1 ,i was  
less miserable on this account1 but1    
during a troubled agitated life1 it has 
robbed me of the sweet consolation of   
persecuted innocence1 and made me       
wofully experience1 what1 ,i think1 ,i  
have remarked in some of my works1 that 
remorse sleeps in the calm sunshine of  
prosperity1 but wakes amid the storms of
 adversity4  ,i could never take on me  
to discharge my heart of this weight in 
the bosom of a friend2 nor could the    
closest intimacy ever encourage me to   
it1 even with ,madam de ,warrens3 all ,i
 could do1 was to own ,i had to accuse  
myself of an atrocious crime1 but never 

said in what it consisted4  ,the weight1
 therefore1 has remained heavy on my    
conscience to this day2 and ,i can truly
 own the desire of relieving myself1 in 
some measure1 from it1 contributed      
greatly to the resolution of writing my 
,confessions4  ,i have proceeded truly  
in that ,i have just made1 and it will  
certainly be thought ,i have not sought 
to palliate the turpitude of my offence2
 but ,i should not fulfill the purpose  
of this undertaking1 did ,i not1 at the 
same time1 divulge my interior          
disposition1 and excuse myself as far as
 is conformable with truth4  ,never was 
wickedness further from my thoughts1    
than in that cruel moment2 and when ,i  
accused the unhappy girl1 it is strange1
 but strictly true1 that my friendship  
for her was the immediate cause of it4  
,she was present to my thoughts2 ,i     
formed my excuse from the first object  
that presented itself3 ,i accused her   
with doing what ,i meant to have done1  
and as ,i designed to have given her the

 ribbon1 asserted she had given it to   
me4  ,when she appeared1 my heart was   
agonized1 but the presence of so many   
people was more powerful than my        
compunction4  ,i did not fear           
punishment1 but ,i dreaded shame3 ,i    
dreaded it more than death1 more than   
the crime1 more than all the world4  ,i 
would have buried1 hid myself in the    
centre of the earth3 invincible shame   
bore down every other sentiment2 shame  
alone caused all my impudence1 and in   
proportion as ,i became criminal1 the   
fear of discovery rendered me intrepid4 
,i felt no dread but that of being      
detected1 of being publicly1 and to my  
face1 declared a thief1 liar1 and       
calumniator2 an unconquerable fear of   
this overcame every other sensation4    
,had ,i been left to myself1 ,i should  
infallibly have declared the truth4  ,or
 if ,m4 de la ,rogue had taken me aside1
 and said--,do not injure this poor     
girl2 if you are guilty own it1--,i am  
convinced ,i should instantly have      

thrown myself at his feet2 but they     
intimidated1 instead of encouraging me4 
,i was hardly out of my childhood1 or   
rather1 was yet in it4  ,it is also just
 to make some allowance for my age4  ,in
 youth1 dark1 premeditated villainy is  
more criminal than in a riper age1 but  
weaknesses are much less so2 my fault   
was truly nothing more2 and ,i am less  
afflicted at the deed itself than for   
its consequences4  ,it had one good     
effect1 however1 in preserving me       
through the rest of my life from any    
criminal action1 from the terrible      
impression that has remained from the   
only one ,i ever committed2 and ,i think
 my aversion for lying proceeds in a    
great measure from regret at having been
 guilty of so black a one4  ,if it is a 
crime that can be expiated1 as ,i dare  
believe1 forty years of uprightness and 
honor on various difficult occasions1   
with the many misfortunes that have     
overwhelmed my latter years1 may have   
completed it4  ,poor ,marion has found  

so many avengers in this world1 that    
however great my offence towards her1 ,i
 do not fear to bear the guilt with me4 
,thus have ,i disclosed what ,i had to  
say on this painful subject2 may ,i be  
permitted never to mention it again4