,,the ,,ladies' ,,guide ,,to ,,true ,,politeness ,,and ,,perfect ,,manners2 ,,or1 ,,miss ,,leslie',s ,,behaviour ,,book4 ,a ,,guide ,,and ,,manual ,,for ,,ladies1 ,,as ,,regards ,,their ,,conversation2 ,,manners2 ,,dress2 ,,introductions2 ,,entre ,,to ,,society2 ,,shopping2 ,,conduct ,,in ,,the ,,street2 ,,at ,,places ,,of ,,amusement2 ,,in ,,traveling2 ,,at ,,the ,,table1 ,,either ,,at ,,home1 ,,in ,,company1 ,,or ,,at ,,hotels2 ,,deportment ,,in ,,gentlemen',s ,,society2 ,,lips2 ,,complexion2 ,,teeth2 ,,hands2 ,,the ,,hair2 ,,etc41 ,,etc4 ,,with ,,full ,,instructions ,,and ,,advice ,,in ,,letter ,,writing2 ,,receiving ,,presents2 ,,incorrect ,,words2 ,,borrowing2 ,,obligations ,,to ,,gentlemen2 ,,offences2 ,,children2 ,,decorum ,,in ,,church2 ,,at ,,evening ,,parties2 ,,and ,,suggestions ,,in ,,bad ,,practices ,,and ,,habits ,,easily ,,contracted1 ,,which ,,no ,,young ,,lady ,,should ,,be ,,guilty ,,of1 ,,etc41 ,,etc4 ,,by ,,miss ,,leslie4 ,,author ,,of ,,miss ,,leslie',s ,,celebrated ,,new ,,cookery ,,book1 ,,miss ,,leslie',s ,,new ,,receipts ,,for ,,cooking1 ,,etc4 ,philadelphia3 ,t4 ,b4 ,,peterson ,,brothers1 #cjf ,,chestnut ,,street4 99 99 99 99 99 ,entered1 according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahfd1 by ,t4 ,b4 ,,peterson ,,brothers1 the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,united ,states1 in and for the ,eastern ,district of ,pennsylvania4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,preface4 ,it is said that soon after the publication of ,nicholas ,nickleby1 not fewer than six ,yorkshire schoolmasters 7or rather six principals of ,yorkshire institutes7 took journeys to ,london1 with the express purpose of prosecuting ,dickens for libels--each one and severally considering himself shown up to the world as ,mr4 ,squeers of ,dotheboys ,hall4 ,now1 if ,dickens had drawn as graphic a picture of ,dothegirls ,hall1 we firmly believe that none of the lady principals of similar institutes would have committed themselves by evincing so little tact1 and adopting such impolitic proceedings4 ,they would wisely have held back from all appropriation of the obnoxious character1 and passed it over unnoticed2 as if it could not possibly have the slightest reference to them4 ,therefore we wish that those of our fair readers whom certain hints in the following pages may awaken to the consciousness of a few habitual misbehavements1 7of which they were not previously aware17 should pause1 and reflect1 before they allow themselves to take umbrage too much4 ,let them keep in mind that the purpose of the writer is to amend1 and not to offend2 to improve her young countrywomen1 and not to annoy them4 ,it is with this view only that she has been induced to set down in a note-book such lapses from les bienseances as she has remarked during a long course of observation1 and on a very diversified field4 ,she trusts that her readers will peruse this book in as friendly a spirit as it was written4 ,,eliza ,,leslie4 ,,contents4 ,,page ,,suggestions ,,to ,,visiters #b ,,the ,,visited #bd ,,tea ,,visiters #cj ,,the ,,entree #dg ,,introductions #eb ,,conduct ,,in ,,the ,,street #fe ,,shopping #ga ,,places ,,of ,,amusement #hg ,,travelling #ib ,,deportment ,,at ,a ,,hotel #aja ,,hotel ,,dinner #abj ,,ship-,,board #adc ,,letters #aej ,,presents #agd ,,conversation #ahe ,,incorrect ,,words #baf ,,borrowing #bbe ,,offences #bdc ,,obligations ,,to ,,gentlemen #bej ,,conduct ,,to ,,literary ,,women #bef ,,suggestions ,,to ,,inexperienced ,,authors #bgd ,,children #bhe ,,decorum ,,in ,,church #bii ,,evening ,,parties #cjd ,,miscellanies #ccj 99 99 99 99 99 ,,miss ,,leslie',s ,,behaviour ,,book4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,suggestions ,,to ,,visiters4 ,an amusing writer of the last century1 justly complains of the want of definite words to express1 distinctly and unmistakably1 the different degrees of visits1 with reference to their length4 ,whether the stay of the guest comprises ten minutes1 an hour1 an evening1 a day1 a week1 or a month1 still it goes under the vague and general term of a visit4 ,we propose1 humourously1 that if the stay of the guest exceeds a week1 it should be called a visitation4 ,if it includes a dining1 or a tea-drinking1 or evening-spending1 it may be termed a visit2 while a mere call can be mentioned as a vis4 ,the idea is a very convenient one1 and we should like to see it carried out by general adoption4 ,meanwhile1 we must1 for the present1 be contented with the old uncertain practice of saying only visit and visiter4 ,we think it our duty to explain that this chapter is designed for the benefit of such inexperienced females as may be about to engage in what we should like to call a visitation4 ,to begin at the beginning3-- ,do not volunteer a visit to a friend in the country1 or in another town1 unless you have had what is called a standing invitation1 with every reason to believe that it was sincerely and cordially given4 ,many invitations are mere words of course1 without meaning or motive1 designed only to make a show of politeness1 and not intended to be taken literally1 or ever acted upon4 ,even when convinced that your friend is really your friend1 that she truly loves you1 has invited you in all sincerity1 and will be happy in your society1 still1 it is best to apprize her1 duly1 of the exact day and hour when she may expect you2 always with the proviso that it is convenient to herself to receive you at that time1 and desiring her to let you know1 candidly1 if it is not4 ,however close your intimacy1 an unexpected arrival may possibly produce inconvenience to your hostess2 particularly if her family is numerous1 or her bedchambers few4 ,the case is somewhat different1 where the house is large1 and where there is no scarcity of apartments for guests1 of servants to wait on them1 or of money to furnish the means of entertaining them liberally4 ,but even then1 the time of arrival should be previously intimated1 and observed as punctually as possible4 ,such are now the facilities of travelling1 and the rapidity of transmitting intelligence1 that there is no excuse for unexpected or ill-timed visits2 and when unexpected1 they are too frequently ill-timed4 ,when attempted as agreeable surprises1 they are seldom very agreeable to the surprised4 ,also the improvement in manners has rendered these incursions old-fashioned and ungenteel4 ,above all1 never volunteer visits to families whose circumstances are so narrow that they can ill afford the expense of a guest4 ,having received an invitation1 reply to it immediately2 and do not keep your friends waiting1 day after day1 in uncertainty whether you mean to accept or decline it2 causing them1 perhaps1 to delay asking other visiters till they have ascertained if you are to be expected or not4 ,excuse yourself from accepting invitations from persons whom you do not like1 and whose dispositions1 habits1 feelings1 and opinions are in most things the reverse of your own4 ,there can be no pleasure in daily and familiar intercourse where there is no congeniality4 ,such visits never end well2 and they sometimes produce irreconcilable quarrels1 or at least a lasting and ill-concealed coolness4 ,though for years you may have always met on decent terms1 you may become positive enemies from living a short time under the same roof2 and there is something dishonourable in laying yourself under obligations and receiving civilities from persons whom you secretly dislike1 and in whose society you can have little or no enjoyment4 ,when you arrive1 take occasion to mention how long you intend to stay2 that your hostess may plan her arrangements accordingly4 ,it is rude and inconsiderate to keep her in ignorance of the probable duration of your visit4 ,and when the allotted time has expired1 do not be persuaded to extend it farther1 unless you are earnestly1 and with undoubted sincerity invited to do so4 ,it is much better that your friends should part with you reluctantly1 than you should give them reason to wish your visit shorter4 ,even if it has been very pleasant on both sides1 it may not continue so if prolonged too far4 ,take care of wearing out your welcome4 ,besides1 your room may be wanted for another guest4 ,on your first evening1 enquire the hours of the house1 that you may always be ready to comply with them4 ,rise early enough to be washed and dressed in time for breakfast2 but if you are ready too early1 remain in your own apartment1 or walk about the garden1 or go to the library till the cleaning and arranging of the sitting-room has been completed4 ,meanwhile1 you can occupy yourself with a book1 if you stay in your own room4 ,as soon as you quit your bed1 take off the bedclothes1 7each article separately17 and spread them widely over the chairs1 turning the mattrass or bed as far down as it will go4 ,this will give the bedding time to air2 and in all houses it should be done every morning1 the whole year round4 ,before you leave the room1 raise the windows as high as they will go1 7unless it should be raining1 or snowing17 that the apartment may be well ventilated4 ,fortunate are those who have been accustomed to sleeping always with the sash more or less open1 according to the weather1 or the season4 ,their health will be much the better for the excellent practice of constantly admitting fresh air into their sleeping-room4 ,see ,dr4 ,franklin's essay on the ,art of ,sleeping ,well4 ,mr4 ,combe1 who has written copiously on this subject1 says it not only improves the health1 but the complexion2 and that ladies who follow this practice continue to look young long after those who sleep in close rooms have faded and shrivelled4 ,except in a very unhealthy climate1 or in the neighbourhood of marshes1 no external air can be so unwholesome1 or productive of such baneful effects on the constitution1 as the same air breathed over and over again in a close room1 and returning continually to the lungs1 till before morning it becomes unfit to be breathed at all4 ,sleeping with the windows closed in a room newly painted has produced fatal diseases4 ,to some lungs the vapour of white lead is poisonous4 ,to none is it quite innoxious4 ,its dangerous properties may be neutralized by placing in newly-painted rooms1 large tubs of water1 into each of which has been mixed an ounce of vitriol4 ,the tubs must be set near the walls1 and the water and vitriol renewed every day4 ,the introduction of zinc-paint promises to put that of white lead out of use2 as zinc is quite as cheap1 and not at all pernicious to health4 ,at sleeping hours the air of a bedroom should be perfectly free from all scents1 either pleasant or otherwise4 ,many persons cannot sleep with flowers in their chamber1 or with any sort of perfume4 ,it is best not4 ,if when on a visit1 you find that the chambermaid does not make your bed so that you can sleep comfortably1 show her how to do it1 7privately17 but say nothing to your hostess4 ,there is but one way of making a bed properly2 and yet it is surprising how little that way is known or remembered4 ,first1 shake up the bed high and evenly2 turning it over1 and see that the foot is not higher than the head4 ,if there is a mattrass above the bed1 turn the mattrass half up1 and then half down1 till you have shaken up the bed beneath4 ,next spread on the under-sheet1 laying it well over the bolster to secure it from dragging down and getting under the shoulders4 ,however1 to most beds now1 there is a bolster-case4 ,then tuck in the under-sheet1 well1 at both sides1 to prevent its getting loose and disordered in the night4 ,for the same reason tuck in the upper-sheet1 well1 at the foot1 leaving the sides loose4 ,tuck in the blankets at bottom1 but not at the sides4 ,lay the counterpane smoothly over the whole4 ,turn it down at the top2 and turn down the upper-sheet above it1 so as to conceal the blankets entirely4 ,should the chambermaid neglect your room1 or be remiss in filling your pitchers1 or in furnishing you with clean towels1 speak to her on the subject when alone4 ,she will hardly1 for her own sake1 inform her mistress that you have had occasion to find fault with her2 unless she is very insolent or sulky1 she will say she is sorry1 and will promise to do better in future4 ,complaining to her mistress of these neglects will probably give offence to the lady1 who may be of that wayward 7though too common7 disposition which will allow no one except herself1 to find any deficiency in her servants4 ,as mistresses are frequently very touchy on these points1 your hostess may hint that your statement is incredible1 and that no one ever complained before4 ,above all things1 avoid letting her know that you have found or felt insects in your bed2 a circumstance that may chance sometimes to happen even in the best kept houses4 ,in a warm climate1 or in an old house1 the utmost care and the most vigilant neatness cannot always prevent it4 ,it may be caused by the bringing of baggage from boats1 or ships1 and by servants neglecting their own beds2 a too common practice with them1 unless the mistress or her housekeeper compels them to be cleanly1 and sees that they are so4 ,if you have proof positive that your bed is not free from these intolerable nuisances1 confide this fact to the chambermaid only1 and desire her to attend to it speedily4 ,she will do so the more readily1 if you promise her a reward in case of complete success4 ,enjoining her to manage this as quietly as possible1 and to say nothing about it to any one1 may spare you a scene with your hostess2 who1 though you have always regarded her as your warm friend1 may1 notwithstanding1 become your enemy for life1 in consequence of your having presumed to be incommoded in her house1 where nobody ever complained before4 ,a well-bred1 sensible1 good-tempered woman will not1 of course1 take offence for such a cause2 and will believe that there must have been good reason for the complaint1 rather than suppose that her guest and her friend would mention so delicate a subject even to a servant1 unless there was positive proof4 ,and she will rightly think it was well to make it known1 and have it immediately remedied4 ,but all women who invite friends to visit them1 are not sensible and good-tempered4 ,therefore1 take care4 ,for similar reasons1 should a servant purloin any article belonging to you1 7and servants1 considered quite honest1 will sometimes pilfer from a visiter when they would not dare to do so from their mistress17 it is safest to pass it over1 unless the article stolen is of consequence4 ,you may find your hostess very unwilling to believe that a servant of hers could possibly be dishonest2 and much may be said1 or evidently thought1 that will be very painful to you1 her guest4 ,notwithstanding all that may be said to you about feeling yourself perfectly at home1 and considering your friend's house as your own1 be very careful not literally to do so4 ,in fact1 it is impossible you should with any propriety--particularly1 if it is your first visit4 ,you cannot possibly know the real character and disposition of any acquaintance1 till after you have had some experience in living under the same roof4 ,if you find your hostess all that you can desire1 and that she is making your visit every way agreeable1 be very grateful to her1 and let her understand that you are exceedingly happy at her house2 but avoid staying too long1 or taxing her kindness too highly4 ,avoid encroaching unreasonably upon her time4 ,expect her not to devote an undue portion of it to you4 ,she will probably be engaged in the superintendence of household affairs1 or in the care of her young children1 for two or three hours after breakfast4 ,so at these hours do not intrude upon her1--but amuse yourself with some occupation of your own1 till you see that it is convenient to the family for you to join them in the sitting-room4 ,in summer afternoons1 retire for an hour or more1 soon after dinner1 to your own apartment1 that you may give your friends an opportunity of taking their naps1 and that you may do the same yourself4 ,you will be brighter in the evening1 from indulging in this practice2 and less likely to feel sleepy1 when you ought to be wide awake1 and ready to assist in entertaining your entertainers4 ,a silent visiter1 whether silent from dulness or indolence1 or a habit of taciturnity1 is never an agreeable one4 ,yet1 however pleasant the conversation1 have sufficient self-denial to break off in seasonable time1 so as not to keep the family up by continuing in the parlour till a late hour4 ,some of them may be tired and sleepy1 though you are not4 ,and between ten and eleven o'clock it is well to retire4 ,if you have shopping to do1 and are acquainted with the town1 you can be under no necessity of imposing on any lady of the family the task of accompanying you4 ,to shop for others1 or with others1 is a most irksome fatigue4 ,even when a stranger in the place1 you can easily1 by enquiring of the family1 learn where the best stores are to be found1 and go to them by yourself4 ,while you are a guest at the house of a friend1 do not pass too much of your time in visiting at other houses1 unless she is with you4 ,you have no right to avail yourself of the conveniences of eating and sleeping at her mansion1 without giving her and her family the largest portion of your company4 ,while a guest yourself1 it is taking an unwarrantable liberty to invite any of your friends or relatives to come there and spend a day or days4#a ,refrain from visiting any person with whom your hostess is at enmity1 even if that person has been one of your own intimate friends4 ,you will in all probability be regarded as a spy in the camp4 ,there is nothing so difficult as to observe a strict neutrality2 and on hearing both sides1 it is scarcely possible not to lean more to the one than to the other4 ,the friend whose hospitality you are enjoying will soon begin to look coldly upon you1 if she finds you seeking the society of her enemy2 and she may evince that coldness whenever you come home from these visits4 ,however unjust her suspicions1 it is too probable she may begin to think that you are drawn in to make her1 and her house1 and family1 subjects of conversation when visiting her adversary2 therefore1 she will cease to feel kindly toward you4 ,if you understand1 soon after your arrival1 that there is no probability of a reconciliation1 send at once a concise note to the lady with whom your hostess is at variance2 express your regret at the circumstance1 and excuse yourself from visiting her while you remain in your present residence4 ,this note should be polite1 short1 and decisive1 and so worded as to give no offence to either side2 for1 before sending1 it is proper for you to show it1 while yet unsealed1 to the friend with whom you are staying4 ,and then let the correspondence be carried no further4 ,the lady to whom it is addressed1 will1 of course1 return a polite answer2 such as you may show to your hostess4 ,it is to be presumed1 she will not be so lost to all delicacy and propriety1 as to intrude herself into the house of her enemy for the purpose of visiting you4 ,but1 if she does1 it is your place civilly to decline seeing her4 ,a slight coolness1 a mere offence on a point of etiquette1 which1 if let alone1 would die out like a tinder-spark1 has been fanned1 and blown into a flame by the go-betweening of a so-called mutual friend4 ,we repeat1 while you are a visiter at a house1 hold no intercourse with any foe of that house4 ,it is unkind and disrespectful to the family with whom you are staying1 and very unsafe for yourself4 ,if you know that your friends are hurried with their sewing1 or with preparations for company1 offer to assist them1 as far as you can4 ,but if you are conscious of an incapacity to do such things well1 it is better to excuse yourself by candidly saying so1 than to attempt them and spoil them4 ,at the same time1 express your willingness to learn1 if permitted4 ,and you may learn1 while staying at the house of a clever1 notable friend1 many things that you have hitherto had no opportunity of acquiring4 ,when called on by any of your own acquaintances1 they will not expect you to ask them to stay to tea1 or to dinner4 ,that is the business of your hostess--not yours4 ,if you are a young lady that has beaux1 remember that you have no right to encourage the over-frequency of their visits in any house that is not your home1 or to devote much of your time and attention to flirtation with them4 ,above all1 avoid introducing to the family of your entertainers1 young men whom they are likely in any respect to disapprove4 ,no stranger who has the feelings of a gentleman1 will make a second visit to any house unless he is invited by the head of the family1 and he will take care that his visits shall not begin too early1 or continue too late4 ,however delightful he may find the society of his lady-fair1 he has no right to incommode the family with whom she is staying1 by prolonging his visits to an unseasonable hour4 ,if he seems inclined to do so1 there is nothing amiss in his fair-one herself hinting to him that it is past ten o'clock4 ,also1 there should be a temperance even in his morning calls4 ,it is rude in a young lady and gentleman to monopolize one of the parlours nearly all the forenoon--even if they are really courting--still more if they are only pretending to court2 for instance1 sitting close to each other1 and whispering on subjects that might be discussed aloud before the whole house1 and talked of across the room4 ,young ladies noted for abounding in beaux1 are generally rather inconvenient visiters2 except in very spacious houses1 and in gay1 idle families4 ,they should not take the liberty of inviting the said beaux to stay to dinner or to tea4 ,leave that civility to the head of the house1--without whose invitation no gentleman ought to remain4 ,it is proper for visiters to put out and pay for their own washing1 ironing1 c4 ,therefore1 carry among your baggage two clothes-bags2 one to be taken away by the laundress1 the other to receive your clothes in the interval4 ,you may always hear of a washerwoman1 by enquiring of the servants of the house4 ,on no consideration question the servants1 or talk to them about the family1 particularly if they are slaves4 ,take with you a small writing-case1 containing whatever stationery you may be likely to want during your visit2 including post-office stamps4 ,thus you will spare yourself1 and spare the family1 the inconvenience of applying to them whenever you have occasion for pen1 ink1 paper1 c4 ,if you have no ink with you1 the first time you go out1 stop in at a stationer's store1 and buy a small sixpenny bottle that will stand steadily alone1 and answer the purpose of an inkstand4 ,also1 take care to be well supplied with all sorts of sewing articles4 ,there are young ladies who go from home on long visits1 quite unprovided with even thimbles and scissors2 depending all the time on borrowing4 ,many visiters1 though very agreeable in great things1 are exceedingly troublesome in little ones4 ,take care not to slop your washing-stand1 or to lay a piece of wet soap upon it4 ,spread your wet towels carefully on the towel-rail4 ,see that your trunks are not placed so near the wall as to injure the paper or paint when the lid is thrown back4 ,if1 when travelling1 you are to stop but one night at the house of a friend1 it is not necessary1 for that one night1 to have all your baggage carried up-stairs1 particularly if your trunks are large or heavy4 ,before leaving home1 put into your carpet-bag all the things you will require for that night2 and then no other article of your baggage need be taken up to your chamber4 ,they can be left down-stairs1 in some safe and convenient place1 which your hostess will designate4 ,this will save much trouble1 and preclude all the injury that may otherwise accrue to the banisters and staircase-wall1 by the corners of trunks knocking against them4 ,it is possible to put into a carpet-satchel 7that can be carried in your own hand7 a night-gown and night-cap1 7tightly rolled17 with hair-brush1 combs1 tooth-brush1 c4 ,it is surprising how much these hand-satchels may be made to contain1 when packed closely4 ,no lady or gentleman should travel without one4 ,in going from home for one night only1 a satchel is1 frequently1 all that is requisite4 ,on concluding your visit1 tell your entertainers that it has been pleasant1 and express your gratitude for the kindness you have received from them1 and your hope that they will give you an opportunity of returning their civilities4 ,give a parting gratuity to each of the servants--the sum being according to your means1 and to the length of your visit4 ,give this to each servant with your own hands1 going to them for the purpose4 ,do not tempt their integrity1 by entrusting 7for instance7 to the chambermaid the fee intended for the cook4 ,she may dishonestly keep it to herself1 and make the cook believe that you were so mean as to go away without leaving any thing at all for her4 ,such things have happened1 as we know4 ,therefore1 give all your fees in person4 ,after you get home1 write very soon 7within two or three days7 to the friend at whose house you have been staying1 tell her of your journey1 c41 and allude to your visit as having been very agreeable4 ,the visit over1 be of all things careful not to repeat any thing that has come to your knowledge in consequence1 and which your entertainers would wish to remain unknown4 ,while inmates of their house1 you may have unavoidably become acquainted with some particulars of their way of living not generally known1 and which1 perhaps1 would not raise them in public estimation1 if disclosed4 ,having been their guest1 and partaken of their hospitality1 you are bound in honour to keep silent on every topic that would injure them in the smallest degree1 if repeated4 ,unhappily1 there are ladies so lost to shame1 as1 after making a long visit1 to retail for the amusement of their cronies1 all sorts of invidious anecdotes concerning the family at whose house they have been staying2 adding by way of corroboration--,i assure you this is all true1 for ,i stayed five or six weeks at their house1 and had a good chance of knowing4 ,more shame then to tell it6 ,whatever painful discoveries are made during a visit1 should be kept as closely secret as if secrecy was enjoined by oath4 ,it is not sufficient to refrain from mentioning names4 ,no clue should be given that could possibly enable the hearers even to hazard a guess4 ,,footnote3 #a ,so it is to order the carriage without first asking permission of your hostess4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,the ,,visited4 ,having invited a friend to pass a few days or weeks at your house1 and expecting her at a certain time1 send a carriage to meet her at the rail-road depot or the steamboat wharf1 and if her host or hostess goes in it1 so much the better2 but do not take the children along1 crowding the vehicle1 for the sake of giving them a ride4 ,arriving at your house1 have her baggage taken at once to the apartment prepared for her1 and when she goes up-stairs1 send a servant with her to unstrap her trunks4 ,then let her be left alone to arrange her dress4 ,it is to be supposed that before her arrival1 the mistress of the house has inspected the chamber of her guest1 to see that all is right--that there are two pitchers full of fresh water on the stand1 and three towels on the rail1 7two fine and one coarse17 with a china mug for teeth-cleaning1 and a tumbler to drink from2 a slop jar of course1 and a foot-bath4 ,we conclude that in all genteel and well-furnished houses1 none of these articles are wanting in every bedroom4 ,on the mantel-piece a candle or lamp1 with a box of lucifer matches beside it--the candle to be replaced by a new one every morning when the chambermaid arranges the room--or the lamp to be trimmed daily2 so that the visiter may have a light at hand whenever she pleases1 without ringing the bell and waiting till a servant brings one up4 ,by-the-bye1 when a guest is expected1 see previously that the bells and locks of her room are in order2 and if they are not1 have them repaired4 ,if it is cold weather1 let her find a good fire in her room2 and the shutters open1 that she may have sufficient light4 ,also an extra blanket1 folded1 and laid on the foot of the bed4 ,if summer1 let the sashes be raised1 and the shutters bowed4 ,the room should have an easy chair with a heavy foot-cushion before it1--a low chair also1 to sit on when shoes and stockings are to be changed1 and feet washed4 ,in a spare chamber there should be both a mattrass and a feather-bed1 that your visiters may choose which they will have uppermost4 ,though you and all your own family may like to sleep hard1 your guests may find it difficult to sleep at all on a mattrass with a paillasse under it4 ,to many constitutions hard sleeping is not only intolerable1 but pernicious to health4 ,let the centre-table be furnished with a writing-case well supplied with all that is necessary1 the inkstand filled1 and with good black ink2 and some sheets of letter-paper and note-paper laid near it4 ,also1 some books1 such as you think your friend will like4 ,let her find1 at least1 one bureau vacant2 all the drawers empty1 so that she may be able to unpack her muslins1 c41 and arrange them at once4 ,the same with the wardrobe or commode1 so that she may have space to hang up her dresses--the press-closet1 likewise1 should be for her use while she stays4 ,by giving up the spare bedroom entirely to your visiter you will very much oblige her1 and preclude the necessity of disturbing or interrupting her by coming in to get something out of drawers1 closets1 c4 ,every morning1 after the chambermaid has done her duty1 7the room of the visiter is the first to be put in order17 the hostess should go in to see that all is right4 ,this done1 no further inspection is necessary for that day4 ,there are ladies who1 when a friend is staying with them1 are continually slipping into her chamber when she is out of it1 to see if the guest has done nothing amiss--such as moving a chair to suit her own convenience1 or opening a shutter to let in more light1 at the possible risk of hastening imperceptibly the fading of the carpet4 ,there are families who condemn themselves to a perpetual twilight1 by living in the dimness of closed shutters1 to the great injury of their eyes4 ,and this is endured to retard awhile the fading of furniture too showy for comfort4 ,we have seen staircase-windows kept always shut and bolted1 7so that visiters had to grope their way in darkness17 lest the small portion of stair-carpet just beneath the window should fade before the rest4 ,it is not pleasant to be a guest in a house where you perceive that your hostess is continually and fretfully on the watch1 lest some almost imperceptible injury should accrue to the furniture4 ,we have known ladies who were always uneasy when their visiters sat down on a sofa or an ottoman1 and could not forbear inviting them to change their seats and take chairs4 ,we suppose the fear was that the more the damask-covered seats were used1 the sooner they would wear out4 ,let no visiter be so rash as to sit on a pier-divan with her back near a mirror4 ,the danger is imminent--not only of breaking the glass by inadvertently leaning against it1 but of certainly fretting its owner1 with uneasiness1 all the time4 ,children should be positively interdicted taking these precarious seats4 ,it is very kind and considerate to enquire of your guest if there is any dish1 or article of food that she particularly likes1 so that you may have it on the table while she stays2 and also1 if there is any thing peculiarly disagreeable to her1 so that you may refrain from having it during her visit4 ,a well-bred and sensible woman will not encroach upon your kindness1 or take an undue advantage of it1 in this respect or any other4 ,for such deficiencies as may be avoided or remedied1 refrain from making the foolish apology that you consider her no stranger--and that you regard her just as one of the family4 ,if you invite her at all1 it is your duty1 for your own sake as well as hers1 to treat her well in every thing4 ,you will lose nothing by doing so4 ,if she desires to assist you in sewing1 and has brought no work of her own1 you may avail yourself of her offer1 and employ her in moderation--but let it be in moderation only1 and when sitting in the family circle4 ,when alone in her own room1 she1 of course1 would much rather read1 write1 or occupy herself in some way for her own benefit1 or amusement4 ,there are ladies who seem to expect that their guests should perform as much work as hired seamstresses4 ,let the children be strictly forbidden to run into the apartments of visiters4 ,interdict them from going thither1 unless sent with a message2 and then let them be made to understand that they are always to knock at the door1 and not go in till desired to do so4 ,also1 that they are not to play and make a noise in the neighbourhood of her room4 ,and when she comes into the parlour1 that they are not to jump on her lap1 put their hands into her pockets1 or rummage her work-basket1 or rumple and soil her dress by clinging to it with their hands4 ,neither should they be permitted to amuse themselves by rattling on the lower keys when she is playing on the piano1 or interrupt her by teazing her all the time to play for them to dance4 ,all this we have seen1 and the mothers have never checked it4 ,to permit children to ask visiters for pennies or sixpences is mean and contemptible4 ,and1 if money is given them by a guest1 they should be made to return it immediately4 ,enquire on the first evening1 if your visiter is accustomed to taking any refreshment before she retires for the night4 ,if she is1 have something sent up to her room every night1 unless your own family are in the same habit4 ,then let sufficient for all be brought into the parlour4 ,these little repasts are very pleasant1 especially at the close of a long winter evening1 and after coming home from a place of public amusement4 ,to welcome the coming--speed the parting guest--is a good maxim4 ,so when your visiter is about to leave you1 make all smooth and convenient for her departure4 ,let her be called up at an early hour1 if she is to set out in the morning4 ,send a servant up to strap and bring down her trunks1 as soon as she has announced that they are ready2 and see that an early breakfast is prepared for her1 and some of the family up and dressed to share it with her4 ,slip some cakes into her satchel for her to eat on the road1 in case1 by some chance1 she should not reach the end of her journey at the usual hour4 ,have a carriage at the door in due time1 and let some male member of the family accompany her to the starting-place and see her off1 attending to her baggage and procuring her tickets4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,tea ,,visiters4 ,when you have invited a friend to take tea with you1 endeavour to render her visit as agreeable as you can2 and try by all means to make her comfortable4 ,see that your lamps are lighted at an early hour1 particularly those of the entry and stair-case1 those parts of the house always becoming dark as soon as the sun is down2 and to persons coming in directly from the light of the open air1 they always seem darker than they really are4 ,have the parlours lighted rather earlier than usual1 that your guest1 on her entrance1 may be in no danger of running against the tables1 or stumbling over chairs4 ,in rooms heated by a furnace1 or by any other invisible fire1 it is still more necessary to have the lamps lighted early4 ,if there is a coal-grate1 see that the fire is burning clear and brightly1 that the bottom has been well-raked of cinders and ashes1 and the hearth swept clean4 ,a dull fire1 half-choked with dead cinders1 and an ashy hearth1 give a slovenly and dreary aspect to the most elegantly furnished parlour4 ,a sufficiently large grate 7if the fire is well made up1 and plenty of fresh coal put on about six o'clock7 will generally require no further replenishing during the evening1 unless the weather is unusually cold2 and then more fuel should be added at eight or nine o'clock1 so as to make the room comfortable4 ,in summer evenings1 let the window-sashes be kept up1 or the slats of the venetian blinds turned open1 so that your guest may find the atmosphere of the rooms cool and pleasant4 ,there should always be fans 7feather or palm-leaf7 on the centre-tables4 ,the domestic that attends the door should be instructed to show the guest up-stairs1 as soon as she arrives2 conducting her to an unoccupied apartment1 where she may take off her bonnet1 and arrange her hair1 or any part of her dress that may require change or improvement4 ,the lady should then be left to herself4 ,nothing is polite that can possibly incommode or embarrass--therefore1 it is a mistaken civility for the hostess1 or some female member of the family to follow the visiter up-stairs1 and remain with her all the time she is preparing for her appearance in the parlour4 ,we have seen an inquisitive little girl permitted by her mother to accompany a guest to the dressing-table1 and watch her all the while she was at the glass2 even following her to the corner in which she changed her shoes2 the child talking1 and asking questions incessantly4 ,this should not be4 ,let both mothers and children understand that1 on all occasions1 over-officiousness is not politeness1 and that nothing troublesome and inconvenient is ever agreeable4 ,the toilet-table should be always furnished with a clean hair-brush1 and a nice comb4 ,we recommend those hair-brushes that have a mirror on the back1 so as to afford the lady a glimpse of the back of her head and neck4 ,better still1 as an appendage to a dressing-table1 is a regular hand-mirror1 of sufficient size to allow a really satisfactory view4 ,these hand-mirrors are very convenient1 to be used in conjunction with the large dressing-glass4 ,their cost is but trifling4 ,the toilet-pincushion should always have pins in it4 ,a small work-box properly furnished with needles1 scissors1 thimble1 and cotton-spools1 ought also to find a place on the dressing-table1 in case the visiter may have occasion to repair any accident that may have happened to her dress4 ,for want of proper attention to such things1 in an ill-ordered1 though perhaps a very showy establishment1 we have known an expected visiter ushered first into a dark entry1 then shown into a dark parlour with an ashy hearth1 and the fire nearly out3 then1 after groping her way to a seat1 obliged to wait till a small hand-lamp could be procured to light her dimly up a steep1 sharp-turning stair-case2 and then1 by the same lamp1 finding on the neglected dressing-table a broken comb1 an old brush1 and an empty pincushion1--or 7quite as probably7 nothing at all--not to mention two or three children coming to watch and stare at her4 ,on returning to the parlour1 the visiter would probably find the fire just then making up1 and the lamp still unlighted1 because it had first to be trimmed4 ,meanwhile1 the guest commences her visit with an uncomfortable feeling of self-reproach for coming too early2 all things denoting that she was not expected so soon4 ,in such houses everybody comes too early4 ,however late1 there will be nothing in readiness4 ,the hostess should be in the parlour1 prepared to receive her visiter1 and to give her at once a seat in the corner of a sofa1 or in a fauteuil1 or large comfortable chair2 if a rocking-chair1 a footstool is an indispensable appendage4 ,by-the-bye1 the dizzy and ungraceful practice of rocking in a rocking-chair is now discontinued by all genteel people1 except when entirely alone4 ,a lady should never be seen to rock in a chair1 and the rocking of a gentleman looks silly4 ,rocking is only fit for a nurse putting a baby to sleep4 ,when children get into a large rocking-chair1 they usually rock it over backward1 and fall out4 ,these chairs are now seldom seen in a parlour4 ,handsome1 stuffed easy chairs1 that are moved on castors1 are substituted--and of these1 half a dozen of various forms are not considered too many4 ,give your visiter a fan to cool herself1 if the room is warm1 or to shade her eyes from the glare of the fire or the light--for the latter purpose1 a broad hand-screen is generally used1 but a palm-leaf fan will do for both4 ,in buying these fans1 choose those whose handle is the firm natural stem1 left remaining on the leaf4 ,they are far better than those with handles of bamboo1 which in a short time become loose and rickety4 ,there are many persons who1 professing never to use a fan themselves1 seem to think that nobody can by any chance require one2 and therefore they selfishly keep nothing of the sort in their rooms4 ,if1 in consequence of dining very late1 you are in the custom of also taking tea at a late hour--or making but slight preparations for that repast--waive that custom when you expect a friend whom you know to be in the practice of dining early1 and who1 perhaps1 has walked far enough to feel fatigued1 and to acquire an appetite4 ,for her accommodation1 order the tea earlier than usual1 and let it be what is called a good tea4 ,if there is ample room at table1 do not have the tea carried round1--particularly if you have but one servant to hand the whole4 ,it is tedious1 inconvenient1 and unsatisfactory4 ,there is no comfortable way of eating bread and butter1 toast1 or buttered cakes1 except when seated at table4 ,when handed round1 there is always a risk of their greasing the dresses of the ladies--the greasing of fingers is inevitable--though that is of less consequence1 now that the absurd practice of eating in gloves is wisely abolished among genteel people4 ,still1 if the company is too numerous for all to be commodiously seated at the usual family table1 and if the table cannot be enlarged--it is better to have tea carried round by two servants1 even if an extra one is hired for the occasion1 than to crowd your guests uncomfortably4 ,one person too many will cause inconvenience to all the rest1 however the hostess may try to pass it off1 by assuring the company that there is quite room enough1 and that she has seen a still larger number seated round that very table4 ,everybody knows that what's impossible a'n't true4 ,in setting a tea-table1 see that there is not only enough1 but more than enough of cups and saucers1 plates1 knives and forks1 spoons1 napkins1 c4 ,let the extra articles be placed near the lady of the house1--to be distributed1 if wanted4 ,we have known families who had the means and the inclination to be hospitable1 that never sat down to table without several spare covers1 as the ,french call them1 ready for accidental guests4 ,unless you have domestics on whom you can implicitly rely1 it is well to go into the eating-room about ten minutes before the announcement of tea1 and to see that all is right2 that the tea is strong and properly made1 and the pot 7which should be scalded twice7 is not filled nearly to overflowing with a superabundance of water4 ,the practice of drowning away all the flavour of the tea is strangely prevalent with servants2 who are also very apt to neglect scalding the tea-pot2 and who do not1 or will not1 remember that the kettle should be boiling hard at the moment the water is poured on the tea--otherwise the infusion will be insipid and tasteless1 no matter how liberally the ,chinese plant has been afforded4 ,if your cook is not habitually a good coffee-maker1 the coffee will most probably be sent in cold1 thick1 and weak--for want of some previous supervision4 ,let it have that supervision4 ,we have heard of tea-tables 7even in splendid establishments7 being left entirely to the mismanagement of incompetent or negligent servants2 so that when the company sat down1 there was found a deficiency in some of the indispensable appendages2 such as spoons1 and even forks1 and napkins--butter-knives forgotten1 and 7worse than all7 cooking-butter served in mistake for the better sort4 ,by-the-bye1 the use of cooking-butter should be abolished in all genteel-houses4 ,if the butter is not good enough to eat on the surface of cold bread or on warm cakes1 it is not good enough to eat in the inside of sweet cakes1 or in pastry1 or in any thing else2 and is totally unfit to be mixed with vegetables or sauces4 ,the use of butter is to make things taste well2 if it makes them taste ill1 let it be entirely omitted3 for bad butter is not only unpalatable1 but unwholesome4 ,there are houses in which the money wasted on one useless bauble for the drawing-room would furnish the family with excellent fresh butter for a whole year--enough for all purposes4 ,we know1 by experience1 that it is possible to make very fine butter even in the ,state of ,new ,york1 and to have it fresh in winter as in summer1 though not so rich and yellow4 ,let the cows be well fed1 well sheltered1 and kept fat and clean--the dairy utensils always in perfect order--churning done twice or thrice every week--all the milk worked well out--and the butter will surely be good4 ,if cakes for tea have been made at home1 and they have turned out failures1 7as is often the case with home-made cakes where there is not much practice in baking them17 do not have them brought to table at all1 but send to a shop and get others4 ,it is rude to set before your guests what you know is unfit for them to eat4 ,and heavy1 tough1 ill-baked things are discreditable to any house where the means of obtaining better are practicable4 ,in sending for cakes to a confectioner1 do not a second time allow him to put you off with stale ones4 ,this many confectioners are in the practice of doing1 if it is passed over without notice4 ,stale cakes should at once be sent back1 7with a proper reproof17 and fresh ones required4 ,let the confectioner with whom you deal understand that he is not to palm off his stale cakes upon you1 and that you will not keep them when sent4 ,you will then find that fresh ones will generally be forthcoming4 ,it is always well to send for cakes in the early part of the afternoon4 ,have a pitcher of ice-water on the side-table1 and a tumbler beside every plate--as most persons like to finish with a glass of water4 ,do not1 on sitting down to table1 inform your guest that you make no stranger of her1 or that you fear she will not be able to make out at your plain table4 ,these apologies are ungenteel and foolish4 ,if your circumstances will not allow you on any consideration to make a little improvement in your usual family-fare1 your friend is1 in all probability1 aware of the fact1 and will not wish or expect you to incur any inconvenient expense on her account4 ,but if you are known to possess the means of living well1 you ought to do so2 and to consider a good1 though not an extravagantly luxurious table as a necessary part of your expenditure4 ,there is a vast difference between laudable economy and mean economy4 ,the latter 7whether it shows itself in bad food1 bad fires1 bad lights1 bad servants7 is never excused in persons who dress extravagantly1 and live surrounded by costly furniture1 and who are universally known to be wealthy1 and fully able to afford comfort1 as well as show4 ,if you invite a friend to tea1 in whose own family there is no gentlemen1 or no man-servant1 it is your duty previously to ascertain that you can provide her on that evening with an escort home2 and in giving the invitation1 you should tell her so1 that she may know on what to depend4 ,if you keep a carriage1 it will be most kind to send her home in it4 ,even if it is your rule to have the entry-lamp extinguished at a certain hour1 let your servants understand that this rule must be dispensed with1 as long as an evening-visiter remains in the house4 ,also1 do not have the linen covers put on the furniture1 and the house audibly shut up for the night1 before she has gone4 ,to do this is rude1 because she cannot but receive it as a hint that she has staid too long4 ,if your visiter is obliged to go home with no other escort than your servant-man1 apprize him1 in time1 that this duty will be expected of him2 desiring that he takes care to be at hand before ten o'clock4 ,a lady that has no escort whose services she can command1 ought not to make unexpected tea-visits4 ,in many cases these visits produce more inconvenience than pleasure4 ,if you wish to take tea sociably with a friend1 inform her previously of your intention4 ,she will then let you know if she is disengaged on that evening1 or if it is in any way inconvenient to receive you2 and she will herself appoint another time4 ,generally1 it is best not to volunteer a tea-visit1 but to wait till invited4 ,if you are engaged to take tea with an intimate friend1 who assures you that you will see none but the family2 and you afterward receive an invitation to join a party to a place of public amusement1 which you have long been desirous of visiting1 you may retract your first engagement1 provided you send an apology in due time1 telling the exact truth1 and telling it in polite terms4 ,your intimate friend will then take no offence1 considering it perfectly natural that you should prefer the concert1 the play1 or the exhibition1 to a quiet evening passed at her house with no other guests4 ,but take care to let her know as early as possible4#b ,and be careful not to disappoint her again in a similar manner4 ,if you are accustomed to taking coffee in the evening1 and have an insuperable dislike to tea1 it is best not to make an unexpected visit--or at least1 if you go at all1 go early--so as to allow ample time for the making of coffee--a much slower process than that of tea2 particularly as there may chance to be no roasted coffee in the house4 ,much inconvenience has been caused by the sociable visiting of determined coffee-drinkers4 ,it is very easy to make green or black tea at a short notice--but not coffee4 ,in inviting a few friends1 which means a small select company1 endeavour to assort them suitably1 so as not to bring together people who have no community of tastes1 feelings1 and ideas4 ,if you mix the dull and stupid with the bright and animated1 the cold and formal with the frank and lively1 the professedly serious with the gay and cheerful1 the light with the heavy1 and above all1 those who pride themselves on high birth 7high birth in ,america87 with those who boast of belonging to the people1 none of these few friends will enjoy each other's society2 the evening will not go off agreeably1 and you and the other members of your family will have the worst of it4 ,the pleasantest people in the room will naturally congregate together1 and the task of entertaining the unentertainable will devolve on yourself and your own people4 ,still1 it is difficult always to assort your company to your satisfaction and theirs4 ,a very charming lady may have very dull or very silly sisters4 ,an intelligent and refined daughter may be unfortunate in a coarse1 ignorant mother1 or a prosing1 tiresome1 purse-proud father4 ,some of the most delighted persons you may wish to invite1 may be encumbered with relations totally incapable of adding any thing to the pleasure of the evening2--for instance1 the numerous automatons1 whom we must charitably believe are speechless merely from diffidence1 and of whom we are told1 that if we only knew them1 we should discover them1 on intimate acquaintance1 to be quite intelligent people4 ,perhaps so4 ,but we cannot help thinking that when a head is full of ideas1 some of them will involuntarily ooze out and be manifest4 ,diffidence is very becoming to young people1 and to those who are new to the world4 ,but it is hardly credible that it should produce a painful taciturnity in persons who have passed from youth into maturity2 and who have enjoyed the advantages of education and of living in good society4 ,still those who1 as the ,french say1 have a great talent for silence1 may redeem themselves from suspicion of stupidity1 by listening attentively and understandingly4 ,a good talker is never displeased with a good hearer4 ,we have often met with young ladies from whom it was scarcely possible for one of their own sex to extract more than a few monosyllables at long intervals2 those intervals being passed in dozing1 rather than in hearing4 ,and yet1 if any thing in the shape of a beau presented itself1 the tongues of these dumb belles were immediately loosened1 and the wells of their minds commenced running as glibly as possible4 ,to be sure1 the talk amounted to nothing definite2 but still they did talk1 and often became quite lively in a few minutes4 ,great is the power of beaux6 ,to return to the tea-table4--,unless you are positively sure1 when you have a visiter1 that she drinks the same tea that is used in your own family1 you should have both black and green on the table4 ,either sort is often extremely disagreeable to persons who take the other4 ,drinkers of green tea1 for instance1 have generally an unconquerable aversion to black1 as tasting like hay1 herbs1 c41 and they find in it no refreshing or exhilarating property4 ,in some1 it produces nausea4 ,few1 on the other hand1 dislike the taste of good green tea1 but they assign as a reason for not drinking it1 that it is supposed from its enlivening qualities to affect the nerves4 ,judge ,bushrod ,washington1 who always drank green1 and avoided black1 said that1 he took tea as a beverage1 not as a medicine4 ,and there are a vast number of sensible people in the same category4 ,if your guest is a votary of green tea1 have it made for her1 in time for the essence of the leaves to be well drawn forth4 ,it is no compliment to give her green tea that is weak and washy4 ,and do not1 at your own table1 be so rude as to lecture her upon the superior wholesomeness of black tea4 ,for more than a century1 green tea was universally drunk in every house1 and there was then less talk of nervous diseases than during the reign of ,souchong1--which1 by-the-bye1 is nearly exploded in the best ,european society4 ,in pouring out1 do not fill the cups to the brim4 ,always send the cream and sugar round1 that each person may use those articles according to their own taste4 ,also1 send round a small pot of hot water1 that those who like their tea weak may conveniently dilute it4 ,if tea is handed1 a servant should1 at the last1 carry round a water-pitcher and glasses4 ,whether at dinner or tea1 if yourself and family are in the habit of eating fast1 7which1 by the way1 is a very bad and unwholesome one1 and justly cited against us by our ,english cousins17 and you see that your visiter takes her food deliberately1 endeavour 7for that time at least7 to check the rapidity of your own mastication1 so as not to finish before she has done1 and thus compel her to hurry herself uncomfortably1 or be left alone while every one round her is sitting unoccupied and impatient4 ,or rather1 let the family eat a little more than usual1 or seem to do so1 out of politeness to their guest4 ,when refreshments are brought in after tea1 let them be placed on the centre-table1 and handed round from thence by the gentlemen to the ladies4 ,if there are only four or five persons present1 it may be more convenient for all to sit round the table--which should not be cleared till after all the visiters have gone1 that the things may again be offered before the departure of the guests4 ,if a friend makes an afternoon call1 and you wish her to stay and take tea1 invite her to do so at once1 as soon as she has sat down2 and do not wait till she has risen to depart4 ,if she consents to stay1 there will then be ample time to make any additional preparation for tea that may be expedient2 and she will also know1 at once1 that you have no engagement for the evening1 and that she is not intruding on your time1 or preventing you from going out4 ,if you are intimate friends1 and your guest is disposed to have a long chat1 she will do well to ask you1 at the beginning1 if you are disengaged1 or design going out that afternoon4 ,we knew a very sensible and agreeable lady in ,philadelphia1 who liking better to have company at home than to go out herself1 made a rule of inviting every day1 half a dozen friends 7not more7 to take tea with her--just as many as could sit round the table1 with ample room and verge enough4 ,these friends she assorted judiciously4 ,and therefore she never asked a whole family at once2 those who were left out understanding that they would be invited another time4 ,for instance1 she would send a note for the father and mother only--to meet another father and mother or two4 ,a few weeks after1 a billet would come for the young people only4 ,but if there were several young people1 some were delayed--thus--,i wish ,james and ,eliza to take tea with me this evening1 to meet so-and-so4 ,another time ,i promise myself the pleasure of ,edward's company1 and ,mary's4 ,this distribution of invitations never gave offence4 ,those who were honoured with the acquaintance of such a lady were not likely to be displeased at so sensible a mode of receiving them4 ,these little tea-drinkings were always pleasant1 and often delightful4 ,the hostess was well qualified to make them so4 ,though the refreshments were of the best kind1 and in sufficient abundance1 and the fires1 lights1 c4 all as they should be1 there was no ostentatious display1 and the ladies were dressed no more than if they were spending a quiet evening at home--party-finery being interdicted--also1 such needle-work as required constant attention to every stitch4 ,if you have a friend who is in somewhat precarious health1 and who is afraid of being out in the night air1 or who lives in a distant part of the town1 invite her to dinner1 or to pass the day1 rather than to tea4 ,she will then be able to get home before twilight4 ,there is in ,boston a very fashionable and very distinguished lady1 who1 since her return from ,europe1 has relinquished the custom of giving large parties2 and now entertains her friends by1 almost every day1 having two or three to dine with her1--by invitation4 ,these dinners are charming4 ,the hour is according to the season--earlier in winter1 later in summer--the guests departing before dark1 and the lady always having the evening to herself4 ,we know a gentleman in ,philadelphia1 who every ,monday has a family-dinner at his house1 for all his children and grandchildren1 who there meet and enjoy themselves before the eyes of the father and mother--a friend or two being also invited4 ,nothing can be more pleasant than to see them all there together1 none staying away1--for parents1 children1 sons-in-law1 daughters-in-law1 sisters-in-law1 brothers-in-law1 are all at peace1 and all meeting in friendship--unhappily1 a rare case1 where there is a large connection1 and considerable wealth4 ,we wish that social intercourse was more frequently conducted on the plan of the few examples above cited4 ,should chance-visiters come in before the family have gone to tea1 let them at once be invited to partake of that repast2 which they will of course decline1 if they have had tea already4 ,in a well-provided house1 there can be no difficulty in adding something to the family tea-table1 which1 in genteel life1 should never be discreditably parsimonious4 ,it is a very mean practice1 for the members of the family to slip out of the parlour1 one by one at a time1 and steal away into the eating-room1 to avoid inviting their visiter to accompany them4 ,the truth is always suspected by these separate exits1 and the length of absence from the parlour--and is frequently betrayed by the rattle of china1 and the pervading fumes of hot cakes4 ,how much better to meet the inconvenience 7and it cannot be a great one7 by decently conducting your accidental guest to the table1 unless he says he has already taken tea1 and will amuse himself with a book while the family are at theirs4 ,casual evening visiters should avoid staying too late4 ,ten o'clock1 in our country1 is the usual time to depart1 or at least to begin departing4 ,if the visit is unduly prolonged1 there may be evident signs of irrepressible drowsiness in the heads of the family1 which1 when perceived1 will annoy the guest1 who must then feel that he has stayed too long--and without being able to excuse himself with any approach to the elegance of ,william ,spencer's apology to the charming ,lady ,anne ,hamilton4 ,too late ,i stay'd--forgive the crime2 ,unheeded flew the hours1 ,for noiseless falls the foot of ,time ,that only treads on flowers4 ,ah6 who with clear account remarks ,the ebbing of the glass1 ,when all its sands are diamond sparks1 ,that dazzle as they pass6 ,,footnote3 #b ,where the city-post is to be depended on1 a note can always be sent in that way4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,entree4 ,a lady is said to have the entree of her friend's room1 when she is allowed or assumes the privilege of entering it familiarly at all times1 and without any previous intimation--a privilege too often abused4 ,in many cases1 the visited person has never really granted this privilege1 7and after growing wise by experience1 she rarely will27 but the visiter1 assuming that she herself must1 under all circumstances1 be welcome1 carries her sociability so far as to become troublesome and inconvenient4 ,consequently1 their friendship begins to abate in its warmth4 ,no one likes to be annoyed1 or be intruded on at all hours4 ,so the visited begins to think of the adage1 ,my room is my castle1 and the visiter finds that seeing a friend under all circumstances somewhat diminishes respect1 and that familiarity brings contempt4 ,there are few occasions on which it is well1 on entering a house1 to run directly to the chamber of your friend1 and to bolt into her room without knocking2 or the very instant after knocking1 before she has time to desire you to enter1 or to make the slightest arrangement for your reception4 ,you may find her washing1 or dressing1 or in bed1 or even engaged in repairing clothes1--or the room may be in great disorder1 or the chambermaid in the act of cleaning it4 ,no one likes unseasonable interruptions1 even from a very dear friend4 ,that friend would be dearer still1 if she had sufficient tact and consideration to refrain from causing these annoyances4 ,also1 friendships are not always lasting--particularly those that become inordinately violent1 and where both parties1 by their excessive intimacy1 put themselves too much into each other's power4 ,very mortifying disclosures are sometimes made after a quarrel1 between two ,hermias and ,helenas1 when recrimination begins to come1 and mutual enmity takes the place of mutual kindness4 ,a familiar visit will always begin more pleasantly1 if the visiter enquires of the servant at the door if the lady she wishes to see is at home1 and then goes into the parlour1 and stays there till she has sent her name1 and ascertained that she can be received up-stairs4#c ,then 7and not till then7 let her go to her friend's room1 and still remember to knock at the door before she enters4 ,let her have patience till her friend bids her come in1 or has time to rise1 cross the room1 and come to open the door1 if it is fastened4 ,it is extremely rude1 on being admitted to a private apartment1 to look curiously about1 as if taking an inventory of all that is to be seen4 ,we have known ladies whose eyes were all the time gazing round1 and even slily peering under tables1 sofas1 c42 turning their heads to look after every person who chanced to be moving about the room1 and giving particular attention to whatever seemed to be in disorder or out of place4 ,nay1 we have known one who prided herself upon the gentility of her forefathers and foremothers1 rise from her seat when her hostess opened a bureau-drawer1 or a closet-door1 and cross the room1 to stand by and inspect the contents of said bureau or closet1 while open--a practice very common with ill-taught children1 but which certainly should be rebuked out of them long before they are grown up4 ,make no remark upon the work in which you find your friend engaged4 ,if she lays it aside1 desire her not to quit it because of your presence2 but propound no questions concerning it4 ,do not look over her books1 and ask to borrow them4 ,in short1 meddle with nothing4 ,some ladies never enter the room of an intimate friend without immediately exclaiming against its heat or its cold--seldom the latter1 but very frequently the former1 as it is rather fashionable to be always too warm2 perhaps because it makes them seem younger4 ,if they really are uncomfortably warm on a very cold day1 we think it can only be from the glow produced by the exercise of walking4 ,this glow must naturally subside in a few minutes1 if they would sit down and wait with a little patience1 or else avail themselves of the fan which ought to be at hand in every room4 ,we have known ladies of this warm temperament1 who had sufficient consideration always to carry a pocket-fan in winter as well as summer4 ,this is far better than to break out instantly with a complaint of the heat of the room1 or to run and throw up a window-sash1 or fling open the door1 at the risk of giving cold to others4 ,no intimacy can authorize these freedoms in a cold day1 unless permission has first been asked1 and sincerely granted4 ,if you are perfectly certain that you have really the entree of your friend's room1 and even if she has the same of yours1 you have no right ever to extend that privilege to any other person who may chance to be with you when you go to see her4 ,it is taking an unjustifiable liberty to intrude a stranger upon the privacy of her chamber4 ,if another lady is with you1 waive your privilege of entree for that time1 take your companion into the parlour1 and send up the names of both1 and do not say1 ,oh6 come up1 come up--,i am on no ceremony with her1 and ,i am sure she will not mind you4 ,and how can you be sure8 ,perhaps in reality1 she will mind her very much1 and be greatly discomfited1 though too polite to appear so4 ,there are certain unoccupied females so over-friendly as to take the entree of the whole house4 ,these are1 generally1 ultra-neighbourly neighbours1 who run in at all hours of the day and evening2 ferret out the ladies of the family1 wherever they may be--up-stairs or down2 watch all their proceedings when engaged1 like good housewives1 in inspecting the attics1 the store-rooms1 the cellars1 or the kitchens4 ,never for a moment do they seem to suppose that their hourly visits may perhaps be inconvenient or unseasonable2 or too selfish to abate their frequency1 even when they suspect them to be so1 these inveterate sociablists make their incursions at all avenues4 ,if they find that the front-door is kept locked1 they glide down the area-steps1 and get in through the basement4 ,or else1 they discover some back-entrance1 by which they can slip in at the postern-gate--that is1 alley-wise3--sociablists are not proud4 ,at first1 the sociablist will say1 on making her third or fourth appearance for the day1 ,who comes to see you oftener than ,i8 ,but after awhile even this faint shadow of an apology is omitted--or changed to ,nobody minds me4 ,she is quite domesticated in your house--an absolute habitue4 ,she sees all1 hears all1 knows all your concerns4 ,of course she does4 ,her talk to you is chiefly gossip1 and therefore her talk about you is chiefly the same4 ,she is au-fait of every thing concerning your table1 for after she has had her dinner at her own home1 she comes bolting into your dining-room and sits by1 and sees you eat yours4 ,it is well if she does not begin with a look in upon you before breakfast4 ,she finds out everybody that comes to your house2 knows all your plans for going to this place or that2 is well acquainted with every article that you wear2 is present at the visits of all your friends1 and hears all their conversation4 ,her own is usually an infinite deal of nothing4 ,a sociablist is commonly what is called good-natured1 or else you would not endure her at all--and you believe1 for a time1 that she really has an extraordinary liking for you4 ,after awhile1 you are undeceived4 ,a coolness ensues1 if not a quarrel1 and you are glad to find that she carries her sociability to another market1 and that a new friend is now suffering all that you have experienced4 ,to avoid the danger of being overwhelmed by the sociability of an idle neighbour1 discourage the first indications of undue intimacy1 by making your own visits rather few1 and rather far between4 ,a young lady of good sense1 and of proper self-respect1 will never be too lavish of her society2 and if she has pleasant neighbours1 will visit them always in moderation4 ,and their friendship will last the longer4 ,,footnote3 #c ,if the visiter has been properly announced1 a well-trained servant will1 in all probability1 run up before her1 and open the room-door4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,introductions4 ,fashion1 in its various unmeaning freaks1 sometimes decrees that it is not stylish to introduce strangers4 ,but this is a whim that1 whenever attempted1 has neither become general nor lasted long4 ,it has seldom been adopted by persons of good sense and good manners--and very rarely by that fortunate class whose elevated standing in society enables them to act as they please1 in throwing aside the fetters of absurd conventionalities1 and who can afford to do so4 ,non-introduction has been found1 in many instances1 to produce both inconvenience and vexation4 ,persons who had long known each other by reputation1 and who would have rejoiced in an opportunity of becoming personally acquainted1 have met in society1 without being aware of it till afterward2 and the opportunity has never recurred4 ,one of our most distinguished literary ,americans was seated at a dinner-party next to an ,european lady equally distinguished in literature2 but as there were no introductions1 he was not aware of her presence till the party was over and the lady gone4 ,the lady knew who the gentleman was1 and would gladly have conversed with him2 but as he did not speak1 because he was not introduced1 she had not courage to commence--though she might have done so with perfect propriety1 considering who he was1 and who she was4 ,still worse--from not knowing who are present1 you may inadvertently fall upon a subject of conversation that1 for private reasons1 may be extremely irksome or painful to some of the company2 for instance1 in discussing a public character4 ,severe or mortifying remarks may unintentionally be made on the near relative1 or on the intimate companion1 of one whom you would on no account desire to offend4 ,and in this way you may make enemies1 where1 under other circumstances1 you would have made friends4 ,in such cases1 it is the duty of the hostess1 or of any mutual acquaintance1 immediately to introduce both parties1 and thus prevent any further animadversions that1 may be mal-a-propos1 or in any way annoying4 ,it is safest1 when among strangers1 to refrain from bitter animadversions on anybody4 ,in introducing a gentleman to a lady1 address her first1 as for instance--,miss ,smith1 permit me to make you acquainted with ,mr4 ,jones--or1 ,mrs4 ,farley1 allow me to present ,mr4 ,wilson--that is1 you must introduce the gentleman to the lady1 rather than the lady to the gentleman4 ,also1 if one lady is married and the other single1 present the single lady to the matron1 as--,miss ,thomson1 let me introduce you to ,mrs4 ,williams4#d ,in introducing a foreigner1 it is proper to present him as ,mr4 ,howard from ,england--,mr4 ,dupont from ,france--,mr4 ,wenzel from ,germany4 ,if you know of what ,european city he is a resident1 it is better still1 to say that he is from ,london1--,paris1--,hamburg4 ,likewise1 in introducing one of your own countrymen very recently returned from a distant part of the world1 make him known as ,mr4 ,davis1 just from ,china--,mr4 ,edwards1 lately from ,spain--,mr4 ,gordon1 recently from ,south ,america4 ,these slight specifications are easily made2 and they afford1 at once1 an opening for conversation between the two strangers1 as it will be perfectly natural to ask the late arrived something about the country he has last visited1 or at least about his voyage4 ,when presenting a member of ,congress1 mention the ,state to which he belongs1 as1 ,mr4 ,hunter of ,virginia--,mr4 ,chase of ,ohio1 c4 ,recollect that both senators and gentlemen of the house of representatives are members of ,congress--,congress including the two legislative bodies4 ,in introducing a governor1 designate the state he governs--as1 ,governor ,penington of ,new ,jersey4 ,for the chief magistrate of the republic1 say simply--,the ,president4 ,in introducing an officer1 tell always to which service he belongs--as ,captain ,turner of the ,navy--,captain ,anderson of the ,army4 ,we regret the custom of continuing to give military titles to militia officers4 ,foreigners are justly diverted at finding soi-disant generals and colonels among men who fill very subordinate stations in civil life--men that1 however respectable in their characters1 may be deficient in the appearance1 manners1 or education that should belong to a regular officer4 ,this foolish practice can only be done away by the militia officers themselves 7those that really are gentlemen--and there are many7 magnanimously declining to be called generals1 colonels1 c4 except on parade occasions2 and when actually engaged in militia duty4 ,let them omit these titles on their cards1 and request that no letters be directed to them with such superscriptions2 and that in introductions or in conversation they may be only addressed as plain ,mr4 ,it is still more absurd to continue these military titles long after they have ceased to hold the office1--and above all1 to persist in them when travelling in foreign countries1 tacitly permitting it to be supposed that they own commissions in the regular service4 ,english tourists 7even when they know better7 make this practice a handle for pretending1 in their books1 that the officers of the ,american army are so badly paid1 or so eager to make additional money1 that they exercise all sorts of trades1 and engage in the humblest occupations to help themselves along4 ,they tell of seeing a captain stitching coats1 a major making shoes1 a colonel driving a stage1 and a general selling butter in market--sneeringly representing them as regular officers of the ,united ,states army4 ,is it true that we republicans have such a hankering after titles8 ,if so1 reform it altogether4 ,and let one of the first steps be to omit the ,esq4 in directing a letter to an ,american citizen1 for whom the title can have no meaning4 ,in ,england it signifies the possessor of an estate in the country1 including the office of justice of peace4 ,in ,america1 it means a magistrate only2 who may live in a city1 and own not an inch of ground anywhere4 ,but why should all manner of men1 of all trades1 and professions1 expect to see an ,esq4 after their name1 when with reference to them1 it can have no rational application8 ,an introduction should always be given in a distinct and audible voice1 so that the name may be clearly understood4 ,the purpose is defeated1 if it is murmured over in so low a tone as to be unintelligible4 ,and yet how often is this the case2 for what reason it is difficult to divine4 ,it is usual for the introducee to repeat the name of the introduced4 ,this will prove that it has really been heard4 ,for instance1 if ,mrs4 ,smith presents ,miss ,brook to ,miss ,miles1 ,miss ,miles immediately says1 ,miss ,brook--or better still--,miss ,brook1 ,i am glad to meet you1 or something similar4 ,miss ,miles then begins a talk4 ,if you introduce yourself to a lady whom you wish to know1 but who does not know you1 address her by her name1 express your desire to make her acquaintance1 and then give her your card4 ,replying that it affords her pleasure to meet you1 she will give you her hand1 and commence a conversation1 so as to put you quite at ease after your self-introduction4 ,in introducing members of your own family1 always mention1 audibly1 the name4 ,it is not sufficient to say my father1 or my mother--my son1 my daughter--my brother1 or my sister4 ,there may be more than one surname in the same family4 ,but say1 my father1 ,mr4 ,warton1--my daughter1 ,miss ,wood--or my daughter-in-law1 ,mrs4 ,wood--my sister1 ,miss ,mary ,ramsay--my brother1 ,mr4 ,james ,ramsay1 c4 ,it is best in all these things to be explicit4 ,the eldest daughter is usually introduced by her surname only--as ,miss ,bradford--her younger sisters1 as ,miss ,maria ,bradford--,miss ,harriet ,bradford4 ,in presenting a clergyman1 put the word ,reverend before his name--unless he is a bishop1 and then1 of course1 the word ,bishop suffices4 ,the head of a college-department introduce as ,professor--and it is to them only that the title properly belongs1 though arrogated by all sorts of public exhibitors1 mesmerists and jugglers included4 ,where the company is large1 the ladies of the house should have tact enough to avoid introducing and placing together persons who cannot possibly assimilate1 or take pleasure in each other's society4 ,the dull1 and the silly1 will be far happier with their compeers4 ,to a woman of talent1 and a good conversationist1 it is a cruelty to put her unnecessarily in contact with stupid1 or unmeaning people4 ,she is wasted and thrown away upon such as are neither amusing nor amusable4 ,neither is it well to bring together a gay1 lively woman of the world1 and a solemn1 serious1 repulsive dame1 who is a contemner of the world and all its enjoyments4 ,there can be no conversation that is mutually agreeable1 between a real lady of true delicacy and refinement1 and a so-called lady whose behaviour and talk are coarse and vulgar1--or between a woman of highly cultivated mind1 and one who is grossly ignorant of every thing connected with books1 and who boasts of that ignorance4 ,we have heard a lady of fashion say1 ,thank ,god1 ,i never read4 ,the answer might well have been1 ,you need not tell us that4 ,in inviting but a small company1 it is indispensable to the pleasure of all1 that you ask none who are strikingly unsuitable to the rest--or whose presence will throw a damp on conversation4 ,especially avoid bringing into the same room1 persons who are at notorious enmity with each other1 even if1 unhappily1 they should be members of the same family4 ,those who are known as adversaries should be invited on different evenings4 ,avoid giving invitations to bores4 ,they will come without4 ,the word bore has an unpleasant and an inelegant sound4 ,still1 we have not1 as yet1 found any substitute that so well expresses the meaning1--which1 we opine1 is a dull1 tiresome man1 or a weariful woman1 either inveterately silent1 or inordinately talkative1 but never saying any thing worth hearing1 or worth remembering--people whom you receive unwillingly1 and whom you take leave of with joy2 and who1 not having perception enough to know that their visits are always unwelcome1 are the most sociable visiters imaginable1 and the longest stayers4 ,in a conversation at ,abbotsford1 there chanced to be something said in reference to bores--those beings in whom man delights not1 nor woman neither4 ,sir ,walter ,scott asserted1 humourously1 that bores were always good respectable people4 ,otherwise1 said he there could be no bores4 ,for if they were also scoundrels or brutes1 we would keep no measures with them1 but at once kick them out the house1 and shut the door in their faces4 ,when you wish an introduction to a stranger lady1 apply to your hostess1 or to some of the family1 or to one of the guests that is acquainted with that lady3 you will then be led up and presented to her4 ,do not expect the stranger to be brought to you2 it is your place to go to her4 ,if you are requested by a female friend to introduce her to a distinguished gentleman1 a public character1 be not so ungenerous as to go immediately and conspicuously to inform him of the fact4 ,but spare her delicacy1 by deferring the ceremony for a while2 and then take an opportunity of saying to him1 ,i shall be glad to make you acquainted with my friend ,miss ,morris4 ,come with me1 and ,i will introduce you4 ,when the introduction has thus taken place1 you may with propriety leave them together to entertain each other for awhile2 particularly if both parties are capable of doing so4 ,and then1 after a quarter of an hour's conversation1 let the lady release the gentleman from further attendance1 by bowing to him1 and turning to some other acquaintance who may not be far off4 ,she can leave him much more easily than he can leave her1 and it will be better to do so in proper time1 than to detain him too long4 ,it is generally in his power to return to her before the close of the evening1 and if he is pleased with her society1 he will probably make an opportunity of doing so4 ,if he is what is called a lion1 consideration for the rest of the company should admonish her not to monopolize him4 ,but lions usually know how to get away adroitly4 ,by-the-bye1 she must not talk to him of his professional celebrity1 or ask him at once for his autograph4 ,we saw no less a person than ,charles ,dickens compelled1 at a large party1 to devote the whole evening to writing autographs for a multitude of young ladies--many of whom1 not satisfied with obtaining one of his signatures for themselves1 desired half a dozen others for absent friends4 ,all conversation ceased with the first requisition for an autograph4 ,he had no chance of saying any thing4 ,we were a little ashamed of our fair townswomen4 ,should it fall to your lot to introduce any of the ,english nobility1 take care 7before hand7 to inform yourself exactly what their titles really are4 ,americans are liable to make sad blunders in these things4 ,it may be well to know that a duke is the highest title of ,british nobility1 and that his wife is a duchess4 ,his eldest son is a marquis as long as his father lives1 on whose demise the marquis becomes a duke4 ,the wife of a marquis is a marchioness4 ,there are a few marquises whose fathers were not dukes4 ,the younger sons are termed ,lord ,henry1 ,lord ,charles1 ,lord ,john1 c4 ,the daughters ,lady ,caroline1 ,lady ,augusta1 ,lady ,julia4 ,the family name is generally quite different from the title4 ,thus1 the name of the ,duke of ,richmond is ,lenox--that of the ,duke of ,rutland1 ,manners4 ,the family name of the ,duke of ,norfolk 7who ranks first of the ,english nobility7 is ,howard4 ,the present ,duke of ,northumberland's name is ,algernon ,percy4 ,arthur ,wellesley was that of the great ,duke of ,wellington4 ,his eldest son was ,marquis of ,douro1 and his second son ,lord ,charles ,wellesley4 ,the children of a marquis are called ,lord ,frederick1 or ,lord ,henry1 and ,lady ,louisa1 or ,lady ,harriet4 ,the next title is viscount1 as ,viscount ,palmerston4 ,the next is earl1 whose wife is a countess1 and the children may be ,lord ,georges and ,lady ,marys4 ,after the viscounts come the barons1 whose children are denominated the ,honourable ,miss1 or ,mr4 ,john ,singleton ,copley1 7whose father was ,copley1 the celebrated ,american painter17 is now ,baron ,lyndhurst4 ,his eldest daughter is the ,hon4 ,miss ,copley4 ,in common parlance1 barons are always termed lords4 ,some few have two titles--as ,lord ,say and ,sele--,lord ,brougham and ,vaux4 ,after ,william the ,fourth had suddenly dissolved the parliament that held out so long against passing the reform bill1 and the king1 appointing a new cabinet1 had placed ,lord ,brougham at the head of the ministry1 a ridiculous comic song came out at one of the minor theatres1 implying that now his majesty has swept out the whole parliament1 he takes up his broom and valks1 7,brougham and ,vaux47 ,when the widow of a nobleman marries a man who has no title1 she always retains hers4 ,thus when the widow of the ,earl of ,mansfield married ,colonel ,greville1 7a nephew of the ,earl of ,warwick17--on their door-plate the names were--,the ,countess ,dowager of ,mansfield1 and the ,hon4 ,colonel ,greville1--a rather long inscription4 ,a nobleman's daughter marrying a commoner1 retains her original title of ,lady1 but takes his surname--thus1 ,lady ,charlotte ,campbell1 whose father was ,duke of ,argyle1 became1 on her marriage with ,dr4 ,bury1 a clergyman1 ,lady ,charlotte ,bury4 ,it will be understood that if a nobleman's daughter marries a nobleman1 her title merges in his--but if she marries a commoner1 she retains what title she had originally--her husband1 of course1 obtaining no rank by his marriage4 ,the title of a baronet is ,sir--as ,sir ,francis ,burdett1 ,sir ,walter ,scott4 ,his children are ,mr4 and ,miss1 without any ,hon4 affixed to their names4 ,baronets are a grade below barons1 but the title is hereditary1 descending to the eldest son or next male heir4 ,in directing to a baronet1 put ,bart4 after his name4 ,a knight is also called ,sir1 as ,sir ,thomas ,lawrence1 ,sir ,edwin ,landseer1 c42 but his title being only for life1 dies with him4#e ,it is always conferred by the sovereign touching his shoulder with a sword1 and saying1 for instance1 ,rise up1 ,sir ,francis ,chantry4 ,in writing to a knight1 put ,knt4 ,the wives of both baronets and knights are called ,lady4 ,the wife of ,sir ,john ,franklin 7who was knighted7 is ,lady ,franklin--not ,lady ,jane ,franklin1 as has been erroneously supposed4 ,she could not be ,lady ,jane unless her father was a nobleman4 ,a nobleman always signs his title only1 without designating his exact rank--the ,duke of ,athol signing himself ,athol--the ,duke of ,bedford1 ,bedford--the ,marquis of ,granby1 ,granby--the ,earl of ,chesterfield1 ,chesterfield1 c4 ,the wives of peers give their ,christian name with their title--as ,isabella ,buccleuch--,margaret ,northampton--,elizabeth ,derby1 c4 ,the ,english bishops are addressed in letters as the ,lord ,bishop of ,rochester1 the ,lord ,bishop of ,bath and ,wells4 ,the ,archbishop of ,canterbury1 who is ,primate of ,england1--7,head of the ,english ,church17 is called ,his ,grace1 or ,your ,grace4 ,the bishops are all 7by virtue of their office7 members of the ,house of ,peers or ,lords4 ,they sign their ,christian name with the title of their bishopric1 as ,john ,durham--,william ,oxford4 ,all full noblemen have an hereditary seat in the ,house of ,peers1 which they take on attaining the age of twenty-one1 and it continues while they live4 ,their younger sons1 the ,lord ,johns and ,lord ,fredericks1 can only have a seat in the ,house of ,commons1 and to that they must be elected1 like the other members4 ,baronets1 not being peers1 must also be elected as commons4 ,americans going to ,england would do well to look over a book of the ,british ,peerage1 so as to save themselves from making blunders1 which are much ridiculed in a country where little allowance is made for republican habits and for republican ignorance of what appertains to monarchical institutions4#f ,it would not be amiss even to know that a full coat of arms1 including shield1 supporters1 crest1 and scroll with a motto1 belongs only to the chief of a noble family2 and that the younger branches are entitled only to the crest1 which is the head of the same animal that stands erect on each side of the shield as if to support it1 such as stags1 foxes1 bears1 vultures1 c4 ,a baronet has a shield only1 with a bloody or wounded hand over the top4 ,our countrymen abroad sometimes excite ill-concealed mirth1 by the lavish use they make of titles when they chance to find themselves among the nobility4 ,they should learn that none but servants or people of the lower classes make constant use of the terms my lord1 and my lady--your lordship1 or your ladyship--your grace1 c41 in conversing with persons of rank4 ,formerly it was the custom1 but it is long since obsolete1 except1 as we have said1 from domestics or dependants4 ,address them simply as ,lord ,derby1 or ,lord ,dunmore--,lady ,wilton1 ,lady ,mornington1 c4 ,,footnotes3 #d ,it is well to present a lady or gentleman from another city1 as ,miss ,ford of ,new ,york--,mrs4 ,stephens of ,boston--,mr4 ,warren of ,new ,orleans4 #e ,distinguished men of all professions1 doctors1 lawyers1 artists1 authors1 and officers of the army and navy1 frequently receive the honour of knighthood4 #f ,it would be well if all the public offices at ,washington were furnished with copies of the ,british ,peerage4 ,perhaps they are4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,when three ladies are walking together1 it is better for one to keep a little in advance of the other two1 than for all three to persist in maintaining one unbroken line4 ,they cannot all join in conversation without talking across each other--a thing that1 in-doors or out-of-doors1 is awkward1 inconvenient1 ungenteel1 and should always be avoided4 ,also1 three ladies walking abreast occupy too much of the pavement1 and therefore incommode the other passengers4 ,three young men sometimes lounge along the pavement1 arm in arm4 ,three young gentlemen never do so4 ,if you meet a lady with whom you have become but slightly acquainted1 and had merely a little conversation1 7for instance1 at a party or a morning visit17 and who moves in a circle somewhat higher or more fashionable than your own1 it is safest to wait till she recognises you4 ,let her not see in you a disposition to obtrude yourself on her notice4 ,it is not expected that all intimacies formed at watering-places shall continue after the parties have returned to their homes4 ,a mutual bow when meeting in the street is sufficient4 ,but there is no interchanging of visits1 unless both ladies have1 before parting1 testified a desire to continue the acquaintance4 ,in this case1 the lady who is eldest1 or palpably highest in station1 makes the first call4 ,it is not customary for a young lady to make the first visit to a married lady4 ,when meeting them in the street1 always speak first to your milliner1 mantua-maker1 seamstress1 or to any one you have been in the practice of employing4 ,to pass without notice any servant that you know1 is rude and unfeeling1 as they will attribute it to pride1 not presuming to speak to you themselves1 unless in reply4 ,there are persons who having accepted1 when in the country1 much kindness from the country-people1 are ashamed to recognise them when they come to town1 on account of their rustic or unfashionable dress4 ,this is a very vulgar1 contemptible1 and foolish pride2 and is always seen through1 and despised4 ,there is no danger of plain country-people being mistaken for vulgar city-people4 ,in our country1 there is no reason for keeping aloof from any who are respectable in character and appearance4 ,those to be avoided are such as wear tawdry finery1 paint their faces1 and leer out of the corners of their eyes1 looking disreputably1 even if they are not disreputable in reality4 ,when a gentleman meets a lady with whom his acquaintance is very slight1 7perhaps nothing more than a few words of talk at a party17 he allows her the option of continuing the acquaintance or not1 at her pleasure2 therefore1 he waits till she recognises him1 and till she evinces it by a bow1--he looking at her to give the opportunity4 ,thus1 if she has no objection to numbering him among her acquaintances1 she denotes it by bowing first4 ,american ladies never curtsey in the street4 ,if she has any reason to disapprove of his character or habits1 she is perfectly justifiable in cutting him1 as it is termed4 ,let her bow very coldly the first time1 and after that1 not at all4 ,young ladies should yield the wall to old ladies4 ,gentlemen do so to all ladies4 ,in some cities it is the custom for all gentlemen to give their arm to all ladies1 when walking with them4 ,in others1 a gentleman's arm is neither offered nor taken1 unless in the evening1 on slippery pavements1 or when the streets are very muddy4 ,a lady only takes the arm of her husband1 her affianced lover1 or of her male relatives4 ,in the country the custom is different4 ,there1 a gentleman1 when walking with a lady1 always gives her his arm2 and is much offended when1 on offering his arm1 the lady refuses to take it4 ,still1 if it is contrary to the custom of her place1 she can explain it to him delicately1 and he will at once see the propriety of her declining4 ,when a lady is walking between two gentlemen1 she should divide her conversation as equally as practicable1 or address most of it to him who is most of a stranger to her4 ,he1 with whom she is least on ceremony1 will excuse her4 ,a gentleman on escorting a lady to her own home1 must not leave her till he has rung the bell1 and waited till the servant has come and opened the door1 and till she is actually in the house4 ,men who know no better1 think it sufficient to walk with her to the foot of the steps and there take their departure1 leaving her to get in as she can4 ,this we have seen--but not often1 and the offenders were not ,americans4 ,if you stop a few minutes in the street to talk to an acquaintance1 draw to one side of the pavement near the wall1 so as not to impede the passengers--or you may turn and walk with her as far as the next corner4 ,and never stop to talk in the middle of a crossing4 ,to speak loudly in the street is exceedingly ungenteel1 and foolish1 as what you say will be heard by all who pass by4 ,to call across the way to an acquaintance1 is very unlady-like4 ,it is best to hasten over1 and speak to her1 if you have any thing of importance to say4 ,when a stranger offers to assist you across a brimming gutter1 or over a puddle1 or a glair of slippery ice1 do not hesitate1 or decline1 as if you thought he was taking an unwarrantable liberty4 ,he means nothing but civility4 ,so accept it frankly1 and thank him for it4 ,when you see persons slip down on the ice1 do not laugh at them4 ,there is no fun in being hurt1 or in being mortified by a fall in the public street2 and we know not how a lady can see any thing diverting in so painful a circumstance4 ,it is more feminine1 on witnessing such a sight1 to utter an involuntary scream than a shout of laughter4 ,and still more so1 to stop and ascertain if the person that fell has been hurt4 ,if1 on stopping an omnibus1 you find that a dozen people are already seated in it1 draw back1 and refuse to add to the number2 giving no heed to the assertion of the driver1 that there is plenty of room4 ,the passengers will not say so1 and you have no right to crowd them all1 even if you are willing to be crowded yourself--a thing that is extremely uncomfortable1 and very injurious to your dress1 which may1 in consequence1 be so squeezed and rumpled as never to look well again4 ,none of the omnibuses are large enough to accommodate even twelve grown people comfortably2 and that number is the utmost the law permits4 ,a child occupies more than half the space of a grown person1 yet children are brought into omnibuses ad libitum4 ,ten grown persons are as many as can be really well seated in an omnibus--twelve are too many2 and a lady will always regret making the thirteenth--and her want of consideration in doing so will cause her to be regarded with unfavourable eyes by the other passengers4 ,it is better for her to go into a shop1 and wait for the next omnibus1 or even to walk home1 unless it is actually raining4 ,have your sixpence ready in your fingers a few minutes before you are to get out2 and you may request any gentleman near you to hand it up to the driver4 ,so many accidents have happened from the driver setting off before a lady was entirely out of the vehicle and safely landed in the street1 that it is well to desire the gentleman not to hand up the sixpence till after you are fairly clear of the steps4 ,when expecting to ride in an omnibus1 take care to have sufficient small change in your purse--that is1 sixpences4 ,we have seen1 when a quarter-dollar has been handed up1 and the driver was handing down the change1 that it has fallen1 and been scattered among the straw4 ,there was no stopping to search for it1 and therefore the ride cost twenty-five cents instead of six3 the driver1 of course1 finding the change himself1 as soon as he got rid of all his passengers4 ,it is most imprudent to ride in an omnibus with much money in your purse4 ,pickpockets of genteel appearance are too frequently among the passengers4 ,we know a gentleman who in this way lost a pocket-book containing eighty dollars2 and various ladies have had their purses taken from them1 by well-dressed passengers4 ,if you are obliged to have money of any consequence about you1 keep your hand all the time in that pocket4 ,if the driver allows a drunken man to come into an omnibus1 the ladies will find it best to get out2 at least those whose seats are near his4 ,it is1 however1 the duty of the gentlemen to insist on such fellows being refused admittance where there are ladies4 ,no lady should venture to ride in an omnibus after dark1 unless she is escorted by a gentleman whom she knows4 ,she had better walk home1 even under the protection of a servant4 ,if alone in an omnibus at night1 she is liable to meet with improper company1 and perhaps be insulted4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,shopping4 ,when you go out shopping1 it is well to take with you some written cards1 inscribed with your residence as well as your name4 ,for this purpose to use engraved visiting-cards is an unnecessary expense4 ,that there may be no mistake1 let your shopping-cards contain not only your street and number1 but the side of the way1 and between what streets your house is situated4 ,this minuteness is particularly useful in ,philadelphia1 where the plan and aspect of the streets is so similar4 ,much inconvenience1 disappointment1 and delay have resulted from parcels being left at wrong places4 ,if you are staying at a hotel1 give also the number of your chamber1 otherwise the package may be carried in mistake to the apartment of some other lady2 the servants always knowing the number of the rooms1 but not always remembering the names of the occupants2 usually speaking of the ladies and gentlemen as ,no4 #be1 ,no4 #db1 c4 ,there is another advantage in having cards with you when you go out shopping3 if you should chance to forget your reticule1 or handkerchief1 and leave it on the counter1 the shopkeeper will know exactly by the card where to send it1 or for whom to keep it till called for4 ,if you intend to purchase none but small articles1 take but little money in your purse1 so that if you chance to lose it1 the loss may not be great4#g ,when you buy articles of any consequence1 they will always be sent home at your request--and 7unless you keep a standing account at that store7 desire the bill to be sent along2 and sent at an hour when you will certainly be at hand to pay it4 ,be careful to take receipts for the payment2 and keep the receipts on a file or wire4 ,we have known instances when1 from the clerk or storekeeper neglecting or delaying to cross out an account as soon as paid1 the same bill was inadvertently sent twice over2 and then by having the receipt to show1 the necessity of paying it twice over was obviated4 ,look carefully at every item of the bill1 and see that all is correct4 ,sometimes 7though these oversights are of rare occurrence7 the same article may accidentally be set down twice in the same bill4 ,but this is easily rectified by taking the bill to the storekeeper1 and showing it to him4 ,in subscribing for a magazine or newspaper1 and paying in advance1 7as you always should17 be especially careful of the receipts given to you at paying4 ,so many persons are in the habit of allowing these accounts to run on for years1 that if you neglect preserving your receipts1 and cannot produce them afterward1 you may be unintentionally classed among the delinquents1 and have no means of proving satisfactorily that you have really paid4 ,many ladies keep a day-book1 in which they set down1 regularly1 all the money they have expended on that day2 adding up the whole every week4 ,an excellent plan1 and of great importance to every one who is mistress of a family4 ,in making purchases for other persons1 have bills made out2 and send the bills 7receipted7 with the articles purchased1 as an evidence of the exact price of the things1 and that they were paid for punctually4 ,the friends that have commissioned you to buy them1 should immediately repay you4 ,much inconvenience may be felt by a lady whose command of money is small1 when a friend living in a distant place1 and probably in opulent circumstances1 neglects or postpones the payment of these sums4 ,she should1 at the beginning1 send money amply sufficient to make these purchases4 ,it is enough that you take the trouble of going to the stores1 selecting the desired articles1 and having them packed and sent off4 ,she has no right to put you to the slightest pecuniary inconvenience4 ,there have been instances1 where articles thus bought for a lady in a far-off place1 have not been paid for by that lady till after the lapse of many months4 ,for such remissness there is no excuse4 ,to go shopping for a friend is rarely a pleasant business4 ,besides its encroaching on your time1 there is always a danger of the purchases proving unsatisfactory1 or not suiting the taste of her for whom they are intended4 ,also1 circumstances may prevent the articles reaching her as soon as expected4 ,whenever practicable1 it is best to send all such packages by the ,transportation ,line--that charge to be paid by the owner1 on delivery4 ,it is not well to trouble a gentleman with the care of a parcel1 unless it is quite small1 and he has to pass the door of the house at which it is to be delivered2 or unless his residence is in the immediate neighbourhood4 ,when visiting the shops1 if you do not intend to buy at that time1 but are merely looking round to see varieties of articles before you determine on what to purchase1 candidly say so to the persons standing at the counter4 ,they will 7particularly if they know you7 be perfectly willing to show you such things as you desire to see1 in the hope that you may return to their store and buy of them afterward4 ,at the same time1 avoid giving unnecessary trouble2 and do not1 from mere curiosity1 desire such things to be brought to you as you have no intention of buying at all4 ,the practice that is called cheapening1 or beating down the price1 is now nearly obsolete4 ,most tradesmen have a fixed price for every thing1 and will not abate4 ,it is but rarely that you will meet with articles of really good quality on very low terms1 unless near the close of the season1 when the storekeepers1 anxious to get rid of their old stock1 generally put down the prices of the goods that are left on hand2 knowing that by the return of next season1 these will be superseded by things of a newer fashion4 ,economical ladies1 who are not resolutely determined on wearing none but articles of the very latest fashion1 may thus supply themselves with excellent silks1 lawns1 c4 in ,august and ,september1 at prices far below what they would have given in ,may or ,june4 ,and then they can lay them by till next summer4 ,in the same way they can purchase merinoes1 mousselines de laine1 c4 in ,january1 ,february1 and ,march1 much lower than in ,november and ,december4 ,it is best always to buy rather too much than too little2 and to have a piece left1 rather than to get a scanty pattern1 such as will barely hold out1 leaving nothing for repairs or alterations4 ,there is much advantage in getting an extra yard and a half1 or two yards1 and keeping it back for new sleeves4 ,unless you are small and slender1 it is not well to buy a dress embroidered with a border pattern4 ,they are always scanty in width1 and have that look when made up4 ,the skirts are never quite wide enough4 ,a tall woman requires as full a skirt as a fat one2 else her height will make her look lanky and narrow4 ,when bespeaking an article to be made purposely for you1 ascertain from the maker what will be the cost1 and then request him to write down the terms on a card1 or a slip of paper1 or on a leaf of your tablet4 ,if he says he cannot tell how much it will be1 or that he knows not what price to fix on it1 or that he cannot decide till after it is finished1 it will be safest and wisest for you to decline engaging it1 till he has calculated the amount1 or something very near it4 ,persist in this condition being a sine qua non4 ,it is his place to know every thing connected with his business1 and to be able to judge of his outlay1 and his profits4 ,if you do not insist on a satisfactory answer when making the bargain1 you may in the end find yourself greatly overcharged1 7as we know by experience27 the price in the bill1 after the article is made1 and sent home1 proving infinitely higher than you would have been willing to give if previously aware of it4 ,in dealing with foreigners whose language is not yours1 take especial care that there is a correct understanding on both sides4 ,when on a visit to a city with which you are not familiar1 enquire where the best shops are to be found1 and make memorandums of them in your tablets4 ,this will spare your friends the trouble of accompanying you on your shopping expeditions4 ,and if you have a small pocket-map of the town1 there will be no danger of losing your way4 ,except to ladies whose chief delight is in seeing things connected with dress1 to go shopping with a stranger is usually very tiresome4 ,also1 the stranger will feel less constraint by going alone2 and more at liberty to be guided by her own taste in selecting1 and to consult her pecuniary convenience in regard to the price4 ,it is only when you feel that you have reason for distrusting your own judgment1 as to the quality and gentility of the articles1 that it is well to be accompanied by a person of more experience4 ,and then you will1 most probably1 be unwilling to fatigue her by going to as many shops as you would like to visit4 ,in most cases1 it is best to go shopping without any companion1 except1 perhaps1 a member of your immediate family4 ,gentlemen consider it a very irksome task to go on shopping expeditions1 and their ill-concealed impatience becomes equally irksome to you4 ,if you have given the salesman or saleswoman unusual trouble in showing you articles which you find not to suit1 make some compensation1 by at least one or two small purchases before leaving the store2 for instance1 linen to lay by as a body-lining for a future dress1 gloves1 mits1 a neck-ribbon1 cotton spools1 pins1 needles1 tape1 black sewing-silk1 c41--things that will always come into use4 ,remember that in all ,american stores1 the rule of first come1 first served1 is rigidly observed4 ,therefore1 testify no impatience if a servant-girl1 making a sixpenny purchase1 is served before you--which she certainly will be1 if her entrance has preceded yours4 ,there are still some ladies who think that one of the great arts of shopping1 is to disparage the articles shown to them1 to exclaim at the price1 and to assert that at other places they can get exactly such things infinitely lower4 ,when shopping1 7as well as under all other circumstances17 it is best to adhere to the truth4 ,if you really like the article1 why not gratify the salesman by saying so4 ,if you know that the price is in conformity to the usual rate1 you need not attempt to get it lower1 for you will seldom succeed--unless1 indeed1 on that day the tradesman is particularly anxious to sell1 having a sum of money to make up1 and being somewhat at a loss4 ,perhaps then1 he may abate something2 but if he does not himself propose the abatement1 and if he is largely in business1 and sure of plenty of custom1 there will be little use in your urging it4 ,if you are a stranger in the city1 7,philadelphia for instance17 do not always be exclaiming at the prices1 and declaring that you can buy the same articles much lower and much handsomer in ,new ,york1 ,boston1 or ,baltimore4 ,for certain reasons1 prices are different in different places4 ,if an article is shown to you in ,philadelphia as something quite new1 refrain from saying that it has been out of fashion these two years in ,new ,york4 ,this may injure its sale with bystanders1 chancing to hear you4 ,you need only say that it is very pretty1 but you do not want it now4 ,it is strange1 but no less strange than true1 that though the distance between ,new ,york and ,philadelphia is reduced to less than half a day's travel1 it takes a year or more1 for the ,new ,york fashions to get to ,philadelphia1 and many of them never arrive at all4 ,there are certain dress-makers and milliners in the latter city1 who1 if you show them any thing quite fresh from ,new ,york1 will habitually reply1 ,oh6 we made that1 here in ,philadelphia1 a year or two ago4 ,you need not believe them4 ,our ,american ladies derive all their ideas of costume from ,france2 and as ,new ,york rejoices in the most extensive and the most speedy intercourse with that land of taste and elegance1 the ,french fashions always get there first4 ,the wonder is that so long a time elapses before they prevail in the other cities4 ,we must say1 however1 that whatever is fantastic and extreme1 is generally modified and softened down in ,philadelphia4 ,in provincial towns1 and in remote new settlements1 we often see a disposition to carry to the utmost a fashion already too showy or gaudy4 ,when you see on another lady a new article of dress that you admire1 it is not ill-manners1 7but rather the contrary17 to tell her so4 ,but unless you really desire to get one exactly like it for yourself1 and are sincerely asking for information1 it is considered very rude to enquire where she bought it1 and what was the cost4 ,and it is peculiarly vulgar to preface the enquiry by the foolish words--,if it is a fair question4 ,the very doubt proves that you know the question to be a very unfair one4 ,and so it is4 ,we have never known that expression used except to introduce something rude and improper4 ,any lady who is asked an impertinent question1 would be perfectly justifiable in saying1 ,excuse me from answering--and then immediately changing the conversation4 ,yet there are ladies who are always catechising others about their dress4 ,you are not bound to give explicit answers to these1 or any other questions concerning your personal affairs4 ,much mischief accrues in society1 from some ladies being too inquisitive1 and others too communicative4 ,it is really a great fatigue1 both of body and mind1 to go shopping with a very close economist1 particularly if you know that she can well afford a sufficiently liberal expenditure4 ,the length of time she will ponder over every thing before she can make up her mind2 the ever-besetting fear that she may possibly have to give a few cents more in one store than in another2 her long deliberation as to whether a smaller than the usual quantity may not be made to do2 her predilection for bargain-seeking in streets far off1 and ungenteel2 the immense trouble she gives to the persons behind the counter1--all will induce you to forswear trying a second time the experiment of attending on the progress of a shopper who sets out with the vain expectation of obtaining good articles at paltry prices4 ,in what are called cheap shops1 you will rarely find more than two or three things that are really cheap4 ,if of bad quality1 they are not cheap1 but dear4 ,low-priced ribbons1 for instance1 are generally flimsy1 tawdry1 of ugly figures1 and vulgar colours1--soon fading1 and soon getting into a string4 ,yet there are ladies who will walk two miles to hustle in the crowd they find squeezing toward the counter of the last new emporium of cheap ribbons2 and1 while waiting their turn1 have nothing to look at around them but lots of trash1 that if they bought they would be ashamed to wear4 ,coarse finery is trumpery4 ,on the other hand1 for ladies of small means1 it is not indispensable to their standing in society1 that they should deal only at stores noted for selling higher than the usual price4 ,it is a very poor boast2 particularly when they cannot afford it4 ,whatever may be the caprices of fashion1 a lady of good taste 7and we may add1 good sense17 will not1 in buying dresses1 select those of large figures1 and high glaring colours4 ,there is something peculiarly ungenteel and ungraceful in a white ground with large red flowers and green leaves wandering over it4 ,even if the fabric is brocade1 it has a look of calico4 ,red and green is only beautiful in real flowers4 ,in a lady's dress1 it somehow looks unlady-like4 ,a great variety of bright colours is only suited to a carpet4 ,for a dress1 two are quite sufficient4 ,and then if one is blue1 pink1 scarlet1 or orange1 let it be contrasted with brown1 gray1 olive1 or some chaste and quiet tint that will set it off4 ,few silks are more becoming than those in which the figure is formed by a darker shade of the same colour as the ground4 ,silks of one colour only1 trim the best--variegated trimming looks confused and ineffective4 ,no colours are more ungenteel1 or in worse taste1 than reddish lilacs1 reddish purples1 and reddish browns4 ,the original tint of aronetta1 or anatto1 is the contempt of ladies2 but by previously washing the article in strong1 warm pot-ash water1 before it is put into the solution of aronetta1 you will obtain a beautiful bird-of-paradise colour1 entirely free from all appearance of the unpopular powder4 ,buy no silk that is stiff and hard1 however thick and heavy it may seem4 ,it will crack and split1 and wear worse than a soft silk that appears much thinner4 ,venture on no satin that is not of excellent quality4 ,a thin satin frays and ravels1 and is not worth making up4 ,for common wear1 a soft1 thick ,india silk is generally excellent4 ,we have never seen a good one for less than a dollar a yard4 ,the figured or embossed ,india silks are not worth buying1--wearing rough and fuzzy1 and fraying all over4 ,for a serviceable1 long-lasting home dress1 there is nothing equal to a very thick1 soft1 double-width ,india black satin1 such as is called two yards wide1 and sells at two dollars a yard4 ,but they have become very scarce4 ,never use satin to cover cord4 ,it ravels too much4 ,velvet and satin should be corded with substantial silk4 ,if you cannot match the exact shade1 let it be darker rather than lighter4 ,a belt-ribbon should always be darker than the dress4 ,cord merino with itself4 ,a cording of silk will not wash4 ,if you cannot get lace that is tolerably fine1 wear none at all1 rather than have it coarse4 ,we have seen lace called ,brussels1 so coarse that it looked as if made of cotton1 though in truth it was of thread4 ,there was no real beauty in it4 ,genuine ,brussels lace is exquisitely fine4 ,large showy ornaments1 by way of jewellery1 are exceedingly ungenteel4 ,they always tell their own story1 of glass stones set in gilding1 not gold4 ,if you cannot obtain real jewels1 never attempt sham ones4 ,it requires no practised eye to detect them--particularly false diamonds4 ,do not interfere with the shopping of other customers1 7who may chance to stand near you at the counter17 by either praising or deprecating any of the articles they are looking at4 ,leave them to the exercise of their own judgment2 unless they ask your opinion4 ,and then give it in a low voice1 and sincerely4 ,if you meet an acquaintance unexpectedly in a store1 it is not well to engage in a long conversation with her1 and thus detain persons behind the counter from waiting on other customers4 ,finish your purchase-making first1 and then you will have leisure to step aside and converse4 ,a store is not the place for social intercourse1 and you may chance to say something there1 that bystanders should not hear4 ,greetings in the market-place should always be short4 ,it is not admissible to try on kid gloves in a store4 ,after buying a pair1 ask for the glove-stretcher1 7which they keep in all good shops1 for the convenience of customers17 and then stretch the gloves upon it1 unless you have a glove-stretcher at home4 ,this will render them easy to put on when you take them into wear4 ,glove-stretchers are to be bought at the variety stores2 or ought to be4 ,they will save many a new glove from tearing4 ,in buying stockings1 whether silk or cotton1 you will find it cheapest in the end1 to get those of the best ,english manufacture1 particularly those of fine quality4 ,for winter1 and to wear with boots1 ,english stockings of unbleached cotton are very comfortable1 feeling warmer than those that are perfectly white4 ,it is to be lamented that all black stockings 7even of silk7 are painful and injurious to the feet1 the copperas dye being poisonous4 ,in buying black mits1 see that they are really of silk1 otherwise they will stain your hands1 and look brown and foxy4 ,much cotton is now substituted for silk2 a way having been discovered of carding silk and cotton together1 before the thread is spun4 ,linen also1 is shamefully adulterated with cotton1 and it is difficult for purchasers to discover the cheat before the article is washed4 ,linen is frequently injured in the piece by bad bleaching-salts2 so that after the first washing1 it drops into holes1 such as are caused by vitriol4 ,of this we have had sad experience in several instances1 when the linen was supposed to be of the best quality4 ,always object to a parcel being put up in newspaper--as the printing-ink will rub off1 and soil the article enclosed4 ,if it is a little thing that you are going to take home in your own hand1 it will smear your gloves4 ,all shopkeepers in good business can afford to buy proper wrapping-paper1 and they generally do so4 ,it is very cheap4 ,see also that they do not wrap your purchase in so small a bit of paper as to squeeze and crush it4 ,if you go out with much money1 7which is never advisable17 divide it into two portions1 putting part in your pocket-book or porte-monnaie1 and the remainder into your purse1 so that if you lose it1 or have your pocket picked1 the loss may be less4 ,do not carry notes in your purse1 but keep them in your pocket-book4 ,little gold dollars had best go into your porte-monnaie4 ,if kept in your purse with small change1 you will be very likely to lose them1 or to mistake them for three-cent pieces if the light is bad4 ,once1 on embarking in a ,new ,york steamboat1 we saw a gentleman having bought a penny paper1 give the news-boy a gold eagle in mistake for a cent4 ,the gentleman was instantly apprized of his error by a bystander1 who had seen it2 but the boy had already sprung upon the wharf and was lost in the crowd4 ,we knew an instance of a lady in ,new ,york giving a hundred-dollar note to a strawberry woman1 instead of a note of one dollar4 ,neither note nor woman were seen or heard of more4 ,in getting change see that three-cent pieces are not given to you for five cents4 ,and now a few words to saleswomen4 ,they have always1 when commencing that vocation1 two important qualities to cultivate 7exclusive of cleverness in business7--civility1 and patience4 ,in these two requisites1 few of our ,american young women are deficient4 ,let them also learn activity in moving1 and quickness in recollecting where all the articles called for are to be found1 so as not to keep the customers waiting too long1 while they1 the sellers1 are searching the shelves and boxes4 ,also1 if a lady wishes to match something1 7for instance1 a piece of silk17 it is foolish and useless to bring her a piece that is not exactly like2 trying to persuade her to take it1 and calling it as good a match as she is likely to get4 ,of course she will not take a piece that is only tolerably like1 but not quite the same2 for unless it matches exactly1 it is no match at all4 ,if a customer enquires for light blue ribbon it is absurd to bring her dark blue1 saying we have no light blue--or to say we have no pink1 but we have scarlet--we have no lilac1 but we have purple4 ,or still worse1 to try to persuade the customer that deep crimson is a beautiful shade of scarlet2 or worse than all1 that those very unbecoming tints1 called improperly rose-white and pearl-white1 are really a pure dead white2 when you know very well that they are no such thing4 ,both white and black are very difficult to match precisely4 ,let the yard-measure be visible to the customers4 ,in some shops the measure is at the back of the counter1 hidden behind a glass case4 ,this practice of measuring out of sight1 sometimes gives rise to a suspicion that the measure is not true1 as it is so easy to deceive where the brass nails that mark it are concealed from view of the customers4 ,every female who keeps1 or attends in a store1 should discourage the visits of her friends at business hours4 ,if she looks off to chat with her shop-visiters1 she cannot attend properly to her customers2 and those visiters may be inconsiderate and obtrusive enough to interfere1 by putting in their word1 and praising the beauty or cheapness of the articles1 by way of promoting the interest of the seller1 which it ultimately will not4 ,show as much civility and attention to a customer plainly dressed1 and walking on foot1 or getting out of an omnibus1 as you would to a lady elegantly attired1 and coming in her own carriage4 ,the former may prove the most profitable customer4 ,be careful to exhibit no temper1 even if you have had the trouble of showing a variety of goods to one who goes away without buying any thing4 ,another time1 perhaps1 she may come and make large purchases3 but if you offend her1 she will assuredly never enter the store again4 ,recollect that no one feels under the least compulsion to buy what does not suit them4 ,you would not yourself4 ,habitual courtesy is a valuable qualification1 and always turns to good account4 ,,footnote3 #g ,when circumstances render it expedient to carry much money out with you1 divide it2 putting half in one purse or pocket-book1 and half in another1 and put these portions into two pockets4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,places ,,of ,,amusement4 ,it would be well in all places of public amusement1 if there could be an apartment appropriated to the ladies1 in which they might deposit their cloaks1 hoods1 c4 in charge of a responsible attendant2 her care to be rewarded by a small gratuity4 ,ladies would then be under no necessity of carrying warm outer-garments into a crowded and heated room2 or of wearing their bonnets1 and thereby intercepting the view of persons seated behind them2 always a grievance where the benches are not sufficiently elevated1 or where there is no difference at all in their respective elevation1 as is sometimes the case4 ,also1 the appearance of the female part of the company is always more elegant1 when wearing bandeaus1 caps1 or other light head-dresses2 young persons requiring their hair only1 or the slight decoration of a flower or a ribbon4 ,it is very painful and fatiguing to be for several hours continually dodging your head from side to side1 and stretching your neck this way and that1 and peeping wherever you can obtain a tantalizing glimpse between the bonnets of ladies seated immediately before you4 ,this1 in addition to the annoyance of being squeezed on a bench that is over-full1 is enough to destroy nearly all the pleasure of the exhibition2 and to make a large portion of the audience regret that they came4 ,if you wish to secure a good seat1 go early4 ,it is better to sit there an hour before the commencement of the performance1 than to arrive after it has begun4 ,the time of waiting will soon pass away1 in conversation with the friends whom you have accompanied4 ,when invited to join a party to a place of amusement1 begin to prepare in ample time2 so as not to keep them waiting for you4 ,when a large party is going to a place of amusement1 7for instance1 the theatre1 or opera17 it is better that each family should go thither from their own home1 7being provided with their own tickets17 than that they should all rendezvous at the house of one of the company2 at the risk of keeping the whole party waiting1 perhaps for the very youngest members of it4 ,when a box has been taken1 let the tickets be sent to all the persons who are to have seats in it1 and not retained by the taker of the box till the whole party has assembled at the door of the theatre4 ,if the tickets are thus distributed1 the persons from each house can go when they please1 without compelling any of the party to wait for them4 ,still1 to make an entrance after the performance has begun1 is 7or ought to be7 very embarrassing to ladies4 ,it excites the attention of all around1 diverting that attention from the performance2 and there is always1 when the house is full1 and the hour late1 some delay and difficulty in reaching the seats1 even when the seats have been secured4 ,if it is a concert1 where places cannot be previously engaged1 there are1 of course1 additional reasons for going in due time2 and the most sensible and best-behaved part of the audience always endeavour to do so4 ,but if you are unavoidably late1 be satisfied to pay the penalty1 by quietly taking back-seats1 if no others are vacant4 ,we have seen young ladies not arriving till after the entertainment had commenced1 march boldly up to the front benches1 and stand there looking steadfastly in the faces of gentlemen who with their parties had earned good seats by coming soon after the doors were opened4 ,the ladies persevering in this determined stare1 till they succeeded in dislodging these unfortunate gentlemen1 and compelling them to quit their seats1 to leave the ladies who belonged to them1 and to stand for the remainder of the evening1 perhaps in a distant part of the room4 ,american men are noted1 everywhere1 for their politeness to females4 ,we wish we could say the same of the politeness of our fair countrywomen in return4 ,yet frequently they will avail themselves of these civilities from strangers1 without rewarding them with a word of thanks1 or even a bow of acknowledgment4 ,english tourists remark 7and with truth7 that there is no position in which ,american ladies appear to such disadvantage as when crowding the galleries of our legislative assemblies2 ejecting gentlemen to whom it is of importance to hear the debates2 and still worse1 intruding upon the floor of the senate-chamber1 and compelling the senators to relinquish their places1 and find others where they can1 or else to stand all the time4 ,and among these ladies1 there may be very few who are really capable of enjoying or appreciating the eloquence of our distinguished orators1 or of entering understandingly into the merits of the question4 ,often these damsels are whispering half the time about some nonsense of their own2 and often1 as is surmised1 the chief object of the ladies whose visits to the capitol are most frequent1 is the chance of a few words of flirtation with some of the most gallant among the members2 or the possibility of being escorted home by a congressman1 who has but little to do1 or at least who does but little4 ,we think the ,english parliament is right in excluding ladies from their halls1 except when the queen goes there in state1 to open or prorogue the session4 ,let them be satisfied with reading the debates in the newspapers4 ,we acknowledge that it is very interesting to see and hear the most eminent men of our country arranging the affairs of the nation2 to become acquainted with their personal appearance1 and to listen to their eloquence4 ,but the privilege should not be abused as it is1 by those who1 after all1 listen so badly1 or comprehend so badly1 that if questioned an hour afterward1 they could scarcely repeat the purport of one single sentence1--nor perhaps even recollect the subject of debate4 ,such instances we have known--and not a few of them either4 ,to laugh deridingly1 or to whisper unfavourable remarks during the performance of a concert or a play1 is a rudeness of which few ,american ladies are guilty4 ,still1 we occasionally see some of that few1 who1 much to the annoyance of those persons near them who really wish to enjoy what they came for1 talk audibly in ridicule of the performers2 the performers being1 in all probability1 near enough to hear these vexatious remarks1 and to be disconcerted by them4 ,we heard of a highly respectable actress who was so mortified by the unfeeling animadversions of some young ladies in a stage-box1 that she forgot her part1 was unable to utter a word1 or to restrain her tears1 and became so nervous that she played badly during the remainder of the piece1 and was in consequence1 severely handled next day by the newspaper critics4 ,this was very hard4 ,parents before taking their children to the theatre1 should first ascertain whether the play is such as will amuse or interest them4 ,small children are invariably restless1 troublesome1 and finally sleepy at a performance that affords them no entertainment1 and they will be better at home4 ,yet we have seen little girls brought to see the painful tragedy of the ,gamester--or still worse1 the dreary comedy of the ,stranger4 ,how is it that young ladies are frequently matronized to plays that even their mothers cannot witness without blushes8 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,travelling4 ,no lady should set out on a journey unprovided with an oiled-silk bag for the reception of tooth-brushes1 soap1 a hair-brush1 and a towel4 ,let the bag be about half a quarter of a yard longer at the back than at the front2 so as to leave a flap to turn over1 and tie down1 when all the articles are in4 ,it should be square1 7exclusive of the flap17 and about a quarter and half-quarter in length1 and the same in breadth2 stitched in compartments1 something like an old-fashioned thread-case1 only that the compartments differ much in size4 ,the two smallest are for two tooth-brushes4 ,another should be broad enough to contain a hair-brush4 ,for travelling1 have a hair-brush with a mirror at the back1 and if you can get one that has also a dressing-comb attached to it1 so much the better4 ,the largest compartment 7which should occupy the centre7 is for a towel1 and a cake of soap4 ,if you are obliged to start in haste1 all these things can be put in while wet from recent use1 the towel being rolled or folded into as small a compass as possible4 ,the oiled silk will prevent the wet from oozing through4 ,when all are in1 turn over the flap at the top1 7which should be furnished with two long strings of broad1 white tape17 and tie it securely down4 ,carry this bag in the square satchel which all ladies now keep in their hands when travelling1 and which contain such things as they may want during the day1 precluding the necessity of opening their large carpet-bag1 till they stop for the night4 ,in a carpet-bag pack nothing but white articles1 or such as can be washed1 and will not be spoiled by the bag chancing to get wet4 ,have your name engraved on the lock of your carpet-bag1 and also on the brass plate of your trunks4 ,besides this1 write your full direction on several cards1 make a small hole in each1 and running a string through the hole1 tie a card to the handle of each trunk1 and sew one on the side of your carpet-bag--the direction designating the place to which you are going4 ,your name in full should be painted in white letters on every trunk4 ,this costs but a trifle1 and secures the recognition of your baggage when missing4 ,it is also an excellent plan to tie round the handle of each trunk or bag1 a bit of ribbon--blue1 red1 or yellow--all the bits being off the same piece4#h ,write on a large card1 a list and description of each trunk1 box1 c4 and give the card to the gentleman who escorts you4 ,it will greatly assist him in identifying all the articles that comprise your baggage4 ,be quite ready at least a quarter of an hour before the time for starting4 ,nelson said he traced all the most fortunate events of his life to his practice of being1 on every occasion1 quite prepared a quarter of an hour too early4 ,it is a good rule4 ,previous to departing1 put into the hand of your escort rather more than a sufficient sum for the expenses of your journey1 so as to provide for all possible contingencies4 ,he will return you the balance when all is paid4 ,having done this1 should any person belonging to the line come to you for your fare1 refer them to the gentleman1 7mentioning his name17 and take care to pay nothing more yourself4 ,dress very plainly when travelling4 ,few ladies that are ladies wear finery in rail-cars1 and steamboats--still less in stages--stage-roads being usually very dusty4 ,showy silks1 and what are called dress-bonnets are preposterous--so are jewellery ornaments1 which1 if real1 you run a great risk of losing1 and if false1 are very ungenteel4 ,above all1 do not travel in white kid gloves4 ,respectable women never do4 ,the best travelling-dresses are of merino1 or alpaca2 plain mousseline de laine1 grey or brown linen2 or strong ,india silk1 senshaw for instance4 ,in warm weather1 gingham is better than printed lawn1 which rumples and tumbles and gets into a string directly4 ,the sleeves wide1 for if tight to the arm1 they will stain with perspiration4 ,your travelling-dress for summer should have a large cape or pelerine of the same4 ,beside which1 carry on your arm a large shawl for chilly mornings and evenings4 ,no lady should travel in cold weather1 without a warm cloak1 mantilla1 or pelisse1--furs1 c4 of course--and travelling-boots lined with fur or flannel2 having also inner soles of lambs-wool1 varnished on the leather side to make them water-proof4 ,take with you one of those very useful umbrellas1 that are large enough to shelter one person from the rain1 and can also be used as a parasol4 ,do not pack it away in a trunk1 for you may want it in the transit from rail-car to steamboat4 ,keep it near you all the time1 with your satchel and extra shawl4 ,by all means wear a white collar4 ,if you are fortunately able to ride backward as well as forward1 you will be less incommoded with flying sparks1 by sitting with your back to the engine4 ,a spark getting into the eye is very painful1 and sometimes dangerous4 ,it is possible to expel it by blowing your nose very hard1 while with the other hand you wipe out the particle of cinder with a corner of your handkerchief1 pulling down the lower eye-lid4 ,we have seen this done successfully4 ,another way is to wrap the head of a pin in the corner of a fine1 soft cambric handkerchief1 and placing it beneath the lid1 sweep all round the eye with it4 ,if this does not succeed1 get out at the first station-house where you can stop long enough1 procure a bristle-hair from a sweeping-brush1 tie it in a loop or bow with a bit of thread1 and let some one insert it beneath your eye-lid1 and move it slowly all round1 so as to catch in it the offending particle of coal1 and bring it out4 ,or if there is time1 send to the nearest apothecary for an eye-stone1 7in reality1 a lobster's eye17 and soak it five minutes in a saucer of vinegar and water to give it activity1 then1 wiping it dry1 and carefully inserting it beneath the eye-lid1 bind a handkerchief over it4 ,the eye-stone will go circling round the eye1 and most likely take up the mote in its course4 ,when the pain ceases1 remove the handkerchief1 and wash the eye with cold water4 ,to read in a rail-car is very injurious to the eyes1 from the quivering1 tremulous motion it seems to communicate to the letters of the page4 ,it is best to abstain from your book till you are transferred to the steamboat4 ,many persons cannot talk in a rail-car without a painful exertion of the voice4 ,and it is not an easy task1 even to those whose lungs are strong4 ,you can easily excuse yourself from conversing with your escort1 by telling him that your voice is not loud enough to be heard above the racket of the cars1 and that though you will gladly listen to him1 he must allow you to listen without replying1 except in as few words as possible4 ,if he finds a gentleman with whom he is acquainted1 desire him to talk to his friend1 and leave you to hear their conversation as a silent auditor4 ,if you pass the night in a steamboat1 and can afford the additional expense of a whole state-room1 by all means engage one as soon as you go on board4 ,the chambermaid will give you the key and the number1 and you can retire to it whenever you please1 and enjoy the luxury of being alone1 and of washing and dressing without witnesses4 ,if you are constrained to take a berth in the ladies' sleeping-cabin1 it is not the least necessary to retire to it immediately after supper4 ,by doing so you will have a very long1 tiresome night1 and be awake many hours before morning4 ,and if you are awake1 do not be continually calling upon the poor chambermaid1 and disturbing her with enquiries1 such as ,where are we now8 and ,how soon shall we arrive8 ,the saloon is the place in which ladies and gentlemen sit together4 ,if a lady is so inconsiderate or selfish as to violate the rules of the boat1 by inviting her husband or lover to take a seat in the ladies' cabin1 there is no impropriety in sending the chambermaid to remind him that he must leave the room4 ,this is often done1 and always should be4 ,we once saw a gentleman 7or a pretended one7 so pertinacious in remaining1 7it is true his lady-love urged him not to mind17 that the captain had to be brought to threaten him with forcible expulsion4 ,this had the desired effect4 ,such are the facilities of travelling1 that a lady evidently respectable1 plainly dressed1 and behaving properly1 may travel very well without a gentleman4 ,two ladies still better4 ,on commencing the journey she should speak to the conductor1 requesting him to attend to her and her baggage1 and to introduce her to the captain of the boat1 who will of course take charge of her during the voyage4 ,before arriving at the wharf1 she had best engage one of the servants of the boat1 7promising him a shilling or two17 to obtain for her a porter or a hack1 and to see that her baggage is safe4 ,she must stipulate with the hackman that no stranger is to be put into the carriage with her4 ,this is against the law1 but notwithstanding1 is often done1 and the lady who has first engaged the coach1 is liable to have for her riding-companions persons of improper character and vulgar appearance1 and to be carried with them to their places in remote parts of the city1 before she is conveyed to her own home4 ,previous to getting in1 take the number of the coach1 by writing it on a card with your pencil1 and make your bargain with him as to the charge for conveying you and your baggage4 ,it would be well if the imposition and insolence of hack-drivers were always followed with the punishments provided by law4 ,ladies are naturally unwilling to appear at a magistrate's office4 ,but it is the duty of every gentleman1 as a good citizen1 to see that the municipal regulations are never violated with impunity4 ,all trouble may be avoided on arriving1 by sending for the captain of the boat1 and requesting him to see you on shore1 or to depute his clerk to that office4 ,in arriving at a rail-road depot1 be careful not to quit the cars till after they have positively stopped quite still4 ,the time gained is but an instant1 and the risk is very imminent of serious injury by falling1 should your ankle twist in stepping out while there is the least motion4 ,on arriving at a hotel1 ask immediately to see the proprietor2 give him your name and address1 tell how long you purpose staying1 and request him to see that you are provided with a good room4 ,request him also to conduct you to the dining-room at dinner-time1 and allot you a seat near his own4 ,for this purpose1 he will wait for you near the door1 7do not keep him waiting17 or meet you in the ladies' drawing-room4 ,while at table1 if the proprietor or any other gentleman asks you to take wine with him1 politely refuse4 ,if1 on arriving at the wharf1 you expect a gentleman to meet you1 take a seat either on deck near the cabin-door1 or just inside of the door1 so that he may find you easily4 ,if you are to pursue your journey early in the morning1 desire1 over-night1 the waiter who attends your room1 to knock hard at your door an hour before the time of starting4 ,before you go down-stairs1 ask for the chambermaid who has attended you1 and give her a fee1 7not less than a quarter-dollar17 putting it into her own hand yourself1 and not commissioning another to convey it to her4 ,do not omit giving a quarter-dollar at least1 to the waiter who attended your room1 and one also to him who has served you at table4 ,refrain from making acquaintance with any strangers1 unless you are certain of their respectability4 ,if a gentleman of whom you know nothing1 endeavours to get into conversation with you1 turn away1 and make no reply4 ,avoid saying any thing to women in showy attire1 with painted faces1 and white kid gloves4 ,such persons have frequently the assurance to try to be very sociable with respectable ladies who are travelling alone4 ,keep aloof from them always4 ,if you have breakfasted early1 it will be well to put some gingerbread-nuts or biscuits into your satchel1 as you may become very hungry before dinner4 ,carry but little money in your pocket--not more than will suffice for the expenses of the day4 ,but for travelling1 have another pocket1 concealed beneath your upper petticoat1 and in that keep the main portion of your cash4 ,be cautious of taking bank-notes in change--they may be such as you cannot pass4 ,if they are offered to you1 refuse them1 and insist upon gold or silver4 ,travelling in ,america1 ladies frequently meet with little civilities from gentlemen1 so delicately offered1 that to refuse them would be rude4 ,these incidental acts of politeness should always be acknowledged with thanks2 but they should not be construed into a desire of commencing an acquaintance4 ,if a lady obliged to travel alone1 wishes to be treated with respect1 her own deportment must in all things be quiet1 modest and retiring4 ,if you have a servant with you1 see that she gets her meals1 and has a comfortable sleeping-place1 or in all probability she will be neglected and overlooked4 ,in a steamboat or a hotel1 speak yourself to the head-waiter1 and desire him to take her to the servants' table and attend to her2 and tell the chambermaid to see her provided with a bed4 ,if their lady forgets to look out for them1 coloured women in particular have often no courage to look out for themselves4 ,,footnote3 #h ,in a former work of the author's1 ,the ,house ,book1 published by ,a4 ,hart1 ,philadelphia1 will be found ample directions for packing trunks1 c4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,deportment ,,at ,a ,,hotel1 ,,or ,,at ,a ,,large ,,boarding-,,house4 ,now that there is so much travelling in the summer1 7and indeed at all seasons17 and so much living in public1 to save the trouble and the expense of keeping house in private1 it may be well to offer some hints on the propriety of manners that ought to be observed in places where you are always exposed to the inspection and to the remarks of strangers4 ,these strangers1 knowing you but slightly1 or not at all1 will naturally draw their inferences for or against you from what they see before their eyes2 concluding that you are genteel or ungenteel1 patrician or plebeian1 according to the coarseness or the polish of your manners4 ,yet strange to say1 there are persons who indulge themselves in astounding acts of rudeness1 from the supposition that a hotel is only a tavern1 a sort of ,liberty ,hall1 where every one has a right to take their ease in their inn1 if they pay for it4 ,have they no respect for themselves8 ,it is usual for members of the same party to meet in the ladies' drawing-room before they go in to breakfast1 unless the party is large2 and then it is not expected that half a dozen persons should be kept waiting for one or two late risers1 or tardy dressers4 ,when two or three of the party find themselves ready in the parlour1 it will be best for them to proceed to the eating-room1 and leave the others to follow at their convenience1 by twos or by threes1--always seeing that a young lady1 if a stranger1 is not left to go in alone4 ,strangers at hotels can have no particular seats at breakfast and tea1 as at these two repasts1 they always come to table by instalments1 and at no regular time4 ,if a large party enters all at once and they are determined to sit all together1 they may occasion much inconvenience to persons already seated1 or to the regular boarders1 who have their allotted seats4 ,neither is there any necessity or advantage in six1 eight1 or ten people1 who travel as one party1 resolving to establish themselves at a hotel-table all side by side1 in a row2 particularly when it causes inconvenience to others4 ,certainly not more than three or four persons ranged in a line can join in the same conversation1 or attend to the wants of their friends4 ,why then should they make any extraordinary point of occupying chairs next to each other4 ,it would be better to divide their forces2 and if they can1 for half to sit on one side of the table1 and the other half directly opposite4 ,or they will find that if the table is full1 and they have to disperse still more widely1 they had best do so with a good grace1 rather than make any disturbance on the subject4 ,when they quit the table to return to the drawing-room they may be very sure of all meeting again near the door4 ,nine o'clock 7or half-past7 is the latest hour that any guest at a hotel should come to breakfast2 and few ,americans have so little consideration as to detain the table and the servants till ten or eleven4#i ,at a boarding-house1 the guests are very soon made to understand that if they are late risers1 they need expect nothing but the cold leavings of the breakfast4 ,at a hotel they find more indulgence4 ,you there choose from the bill of fare such dishes as you may prefer1 and they will be brought to you1 after you have been supplied with tea or coffee1 and bread and butter to begin with4 ,to each person is allowed a separate dish or plate of the articles selected2 and it is understood to be for yourself alone1 and that no other person has a right to partake of it1 or to meddle with it in any way4 ,yet even from your own dish1 never help yourself with the knife and fork or spoon you are eating with2 but always use a spare one1 with which the waiter will furnish you4 ,do not eat different sorts of relishes off the same plate4 ,at a hotel there is no scarcity of plates1 or of servants to change them4 ,always take butter with the butter-knife1 and then do not forget to return that knife to the butter-plate4 ,carefully avoid cutting bread with your own knife1 or taking salt with it from the salt-cellar4 ,it looks as if you had not been accustomed to butter-knives and salt-spoons4 ,ladies no longer eat salt-fish at a public-table4 ,the odour of it is now considered extremely ungenteel1 and it is always very disagreeable to those who do not eat it4 ,if you breakfast alone1 you can then indulge in it4 ,speak to the waiter in a distinct1 but not in too loud a voice1 and always civilly4 ,thank him for any little extra attention he may show you4 ,if you do not like what he has brought you1 or find that you cannot eat it1 make your objection in a low voice1 so as not to be heard by the neighbouring guests2 and quietly desire him to bring you something else4 ,it is usual at a hotel-table for each waiter to have charge of three or four persons1 and to attend to their wants exclusively4 ,if you are a stranger1 ask the waiter his name when he first comes to you2 and unless he is not at hand1 and you see another standing idle1 do not call on any one else to attend you4 ,if the servants are coloured men1 refrain from all conversation in their presence that may grate harshly on their feelings1 by reminding them of their unfortunate ,african blood4 ,do not talk of them as negroes1#aj or darkies4 ,avoid all discussions of abolition1 7either for or against17 when coloured people are by4 ,also1 quote none of their laughable sayings while they are present4 ,when the domestics are ,irish1 and you have occasion to reprove them for their negligence1 forgetfulness1 or blunders1 do so without any reference to their country4 ,if you find one who is disrespectful or insolent1 or who persists in asserting a falsehood1 it is safest to make no reply yourself1 but to have the matter represented to the proprietor of the house2 desiring that another waiter may be allotted to you4 ,it is ungenteel to go to the breakfast-table in any costume approaching to full dress4 ,there must be no flowers or ribbons in the hair4 ,a morning-cap should be as simple as possible4 ,the most genteel morning-dress is a close gown of some plain material1 with long sleeves1 which in summer may be white muslin4 ,a merino or cashmere wrapper1 7grey1 brown1 purple1 or olive17 faced or trimmed with other merino of an entirely different colour1 such as crimson1 scarlet1 green1 or blue1 is a becoming morning dress for winter4 ,in summer1 a white cambric-muslin morning-robe is the handsomest breakfast attire1 but one of gingham or printed muslin the most convenient4 ,the coloured dress may be made open in front1 with short loose sleeves and a pointed body4 ,beneath it a white under-dress1 having a chemisette front down to the belt1 and long white sleeves down to the wrist4 ,this forms a very graceful morning costume1 the white skirt appearing where the coloured skirt opens4 ,the fashion of wearing black silk mittens at breakfast is now obsolete4 ,it was always inconvenient1 and neither useful nor ornamental4 ,after breakfast1 it is customary for the ladies to adjourn to the drawing-room1 where they converse1 or read the papers1 or receive early visiters1 while the chambermaids are putting the bed-chambers in order4 ,some who are not accustomed to hotels1 go immediately from the breakfast-table to their own apartment1 sitting there among the flue and dust during the whole process of bed-making and room-sweeping2 afraid to trust the chambermaid alone1 lest she should steal something4 ,this is absurd4 ,they should know that the chambermaids 7being all considered honest and responsible7 are furnished with duplicate keys1 by which they can at any time unlock the chamber-doors1 and let themselves in1 when the occupant is absent4 ,also1 this palpable suspicion of their honesty is an insult to the girls1 and is always felt as such4 ,it is sufficient to lock the bureau1 the wardrobe1 and your trunks4 ,when you go out1 7that is1 out of the house17 then lock the door of your room1 lest some one passing by1 should have curiosity to stroll in and look about1 and meddle with what they see there4 ,should you perceive that the dress of another lady is1 by some accident1 out of order--for instance1 that a hook or a button has become unfastened2 or that a string is visibly hanging out2 a collar unpinned1 and falling off2 the corner of a shawl dragging along the floor2 a skirt caught up2 or a sleeve slipping down1 immediately have the kindness to apprize her of it in a low voice1 and assist her in repairing the mischance2 and1 if necessary1 leave the room with her for that purpose4 ,we have seen a lady who1 finding that a cluster of her false curls was coming down1 had the courage to say so to a gentleman with whom she was conversing at a party4 ,and going openly1 and at once1 to the nearest mirror1 she calmly adjusted her borrowed locks1 and returned to her seat with a good grace4 ,consequently1 nobody laughed at the untoward accident2 as might perhaps have been the case1 had she seemed excessively confused and mortified1 and awkwardly tried to hold on her curls till she got out of the room4 ,if you do not wish to be encumbered by carrying the key in your pocket1 let it be left during your absence1 with the clerk in the office1 or with the barkeeper2 and send to him for it on your return4 ,desire the servant who attends the door to show no person up to your room during your absence4 ,if visiters wish to wait for your return1 it is best they should do so in the parlour4 ,in going in and out1 be careful to shut the parlour-doors after you1 except in summer4 ,young ladies are often very inconsiderate in this respect1 and cause much inconvenience1 in cold weather1 to those who do not like to sit with a draught of keen air blowing upon them4 ,even if you feel too warm yourself1 it is rude to throw open a door1 7much more to raise a window-sash17 without first enquiring if other ladies have no objection4 ,there is no impropriety in a lady commencing conversation with a stranger of genteel appearance4 ,you can easily take occasion to mention your own name1 and then1 in return1 she will communicate hers4 ,but1 unless you are previously certain of her respectability1 have little to say to a woman who is travelling without a companion1 and whose face is painted1 who wears a profusion of long curls about her neck1 who has a meretricious expression of eye1 and who is over-dressed4 ,it is safest to avoid her4 ,also1 you will derive no pleasure or advantage from making acquaintance with females who are evidently coarse and vulgar1 even if you know that they are rich1 live in a large house1 and are of respectable character4 ,young girls who are loud1 noisy1 bold1 and forward1 7however fashionable they may be17 it is best also to avoid4 ,they will not want your society1 as they are generally all the time surrounded by beaux1 or else rattling over the keys of the piano4 ,in a public parlour1 it is selfish and unmannerly to sit down to the instrument uninvited1 and fall to playing or practising1 without seeming to consider the probability of your interrupting or annoying the rest of the company1 particularly when you see them all engaged in reading or in conversation4 ,if you want amusement1 you had better read1 or occupy yourself with some light sewing or knitting-work4 ,if you have no book1 you can ring the bell1 and send to the reading-room to borrow a file of newspapers2 but in most hotels1 there are books belonging to the establishment1 lying on a table in the ladies' parlour4 ,be sure not to carry any of these books up-stairs1 as they are intended solely for the drawing-room2 and their removal from thence is interdicted4 ,also1 never carry away the ,directory1 the ,atlas1 the ,city ,guide1 or any other book placed there for the convenience of strangers4 ,if you want pen and ink1 or any sort of stationery1 you can obtain it immediately1 by ringing for a servant to bring it you from the office4 ,in ringing the bell1 one pull is sufficient2 and always pull the cord downward4 ,if you jerk it out horizontally1 and give successively several hard pulls in that direction1 the cord is very likely to break1 or the knob or tassel to come off in your hand4 ,at the chief hotel in one of the ,new ,england cities1 we saw a printed paper with directions in large type1 pasted beside every bell-pull in the house2 the directions specifying minutely the proper mode of bell-ringing4 ,could it be that this house was frequented by persons unaccustomed to bells8 ,to return to the too-prevalent evil of uninvited and ill-timed piano-playing1 7much of which does not deserve the name of music17 we have always been at a loss to understand how a young stranger1 7modest and unobtrusive in other things17 could walk up to the instrument1 sometimes almost as soon as she arrives1 and rattle fast and furious over the keys1 drowning the voices of ladies and gentlemen who were talking1 and therefore compelling them to cease their conversation2 or if they pursued it1 obliging them to raise their tone painfully2 or to lose more than half1 from the impossibility of hearing each other distinctly4 ,to read when piano-playing is going on1 is to most persons impossible4 ,there are few readers who cannot so concentrate their attention on their book1 as not to be disturbed by any talking that may occur in their vicinity2 and if talking does withdraw their attention from the book1 it is best that they should read only when alone in their apartment4 ,but we have met with no one who could read in the neighbourhood of a played piano4 ,if the music is really very good1 and accompanied by a fine voice1 it is true that most readers will willingly close the book to listen4 ,but if the playing is barely tolerable1 or decidedly bad1 and if the singing is weak and insipid1 or harsh and screaming1 or timeless and tasteless1 who can possibly wish to hear it2 except perhaps a doating father1 or an injudicious mother1 vain of her daughter because she is hers1 and so anxious to show her off1 that she encourages the girl to display even her deficiencies4 ,we believe that our beloved ,america is not yet the land of music2 and that 7with many exceptions7 her children are generally not furnished with much capacity for it4 ,if there was a true feeling for music1 there would be more genius for that charming art1 and there would be more composers of original airs1 the number of which1 in our country1 is smaller than in any civilized nation in the world4 ,it is true we have many excellent musicians1 and many very good singers1 but still1 music is not the grand forte of ,jonathan4 ,pity it were1--for he has a nobler and a manlier one4 ,now as there is a time for all things1 we persist in saying that the time and place for school-girls to hear their own music1 or to prove that it is not worth hearing1 is not in the drawing-room of a hotel1 or in the presence of a company that can have no desire to hear them4 ,what would be thought of a young lady1 who in a public room1 should suddenly come forward and speak a speech2 or suddenly rise up1 and commence1 loud and high1 a reading of poetry1 or recite a ,french fable1 or repeat the multiplication table1 or favour the company with a spontaneous pas seul4 ,and yet we do not perceive that any of these feats would be a much greater evidence of deficiency in diffidence1 7to call it by no bolder name17 than the practice of rattling1 uninvited and unseasonably1 over the keys of a piano4 ,a really good musician is rarely obtrusive with her music1 seldom playing unless she is asked2 and then1 of course1 complying at once4#aa ,we repeat that no lady should play or sing in company1 unless she knows herself to be universally considered a good singer or player1 and capable of something more than the mere series of lessons she has learnt from her music teacher4 ,also1 some punishment should be devised for a young girl who cannot play1 yet has the folly and assurance to seat herself at the piano of a public parlour1 and annoy the company by an hour of tinking and tanking with one finger only4 ,yet this we have seen2 and her mother present all the time4 ,the gratuitous exhibition of bad music is said by ,europeans to be one of the peculiar characteristics of ,american young ladies4 ,let them then reform it altogether4 ,bring no large sewing into the ladies' drawing-room1 and nothing that will produce clippings or litter4 ,whenever you have occasion to write more than a few lines1 do it in your own apartment4 ,it is well to have always there a small writing-case of your own1 with paper1 pens1 ink1 wafers1 sealing-wax1 envelopes1 post-office stamps1 c4 ,there are very neat little writing-cases1 7to be purchased at the best stationers17 that are fitted with receptacles for all the above articles1 excepting paper2 the whole occupying no more space in your travelling-satchel than a needle-book4 ,the ink is so secured1 that there is no danger of its spilling4 ,you may even carry these writing-cases in your pocket as conveniently as a card-case4 ,as writing-paper should not be folded or rolled in packing1 lay it flat in a small port-folio1 and put it into your trunk4 ,you will find great convenience1 when from home1 to have with you a little assortment of writing materials4 ,except in cases of illness1 it is well to decline invitations to visit ladies in their own apartments1 unless you are very intimately acquainted with them1 or have some particular business4 ,too much sociability may induce communications too confidential2 and subsequent events may prove this confidence to be misplaced4 ,among the ladies staying at a hotel1 there is always more harmony1 when they all content themselves with meeting at table1 or in the public drawing-room4 ,young ladies should not encourage daily morning visits from young men boarding at the same house1 particularly if these visits are long4 ,in our country1 nearly every young man is obliged1 in some way1 to get his own living2 and few can afford to idle away their mornings in loitering about parlours1 and talking flirtation4 ,a youth who passes his time in this manner1 is a beau not worth having4 ,a man that deserves to be called a good match has something else to do with his mornings4 ,ladies at hotels should be specially careful not to make acquaintance with gentlemen of whom they know nothing4 ,if a man of notoriously dissipated or immoral character1 presumes to request an introduction to a lady who is aware of his bad reputation1 let her at once reply that not considering the acquaintance desirable1 she must be excused for declining it4 ,it is better thus to keep off an objectionable man1 7even with the certainty of offending him17 than weakly to subject yourself to the annoyance and discredit 7perhaps1 still worse7 of allowing him to boast of his intimacy with you4 ,in conversing with gentlemen at hotels1 7and all other places17 try not to fall into the too common practice of talking to him nothing but nonsense4 ,it is a problem difficult to solve1 that so many ladies of good abilities and cultivated minds1 and who always with their own sex talk like intelligent1 sensible women1 should1 as soon as they get into conversation with a gentleman1 seem immediately to take leave of rationality1 and demean themselves like utter fools--giving way at once to something they call excitement1 now the fashionable word for almost every feeling that is wrong4 ,we grieve to see a charming1 modest1 refined young lady1 almost the moment a gentleman begins to talk to her1 changing her whole demeanour1 and quickly becoming bold1 forward1 noisy1 and nonsensical2 chattering at the top of her voice about nothing2 and keeping up a continual laugh about nothing4 ,does she suppose he cannot understand her if she talks sense1--or does she think he will like her the better for regaling him with nothing but folly8 ,she is1 in all probability1 egregiously mistaken1 unless the gentleman is himself a simpleton4 ,let it not be supposed that we have any objection to that sprightliness which is one of the most agreeable characteristics of youth4 ,on the contrary1 we are glad to see vivacity in women of all ages2 and if they have a sprinkling of wit and humour1 so much the better4 ,but we wish them to do themselves justice2 and not1 when conversing with men1 run wild1 because it is with men2 and give themselves up to all manner of folly1 such as would be pointless1 vapid1 and insipid1 if it was not seasoned with causeless laughter1 and with eyes keeping time to the tongue1 rolling about in perpetual motion at nothing4 ,we do not wish ladies in conversing1 even with men of sense1 to confine themselves always to grave discussions on important subjects4 ,on the contrary1 gay and lively conversation is always pleasant1 when well-timed4 ,but those who have not a talent for wit and humour1 had best not attempt it4 ,again1 in listening to a woman of real wit1 you will see that it is her hearers who laugh1 and not herself4 ,persons who have no turn for humour1 and little perception of it1 are apt to mistake mere coarseness for that amusing gift2 and in trying to be diverting1 often become vulgar--a word not too severe for things that are sometimes said and written by very good people who wish to be funny1 and do not know how4 ,for instance1 there is no wit1 but there is shocking ungentility1 in a lady to speak of taking a snooze instead of a nap1--in calling pantaloons pants1 or gentlemen gents1--in saying of a man whose dress is getting old that he looks seedy1--and in alluding to an amusing anecdote1 or a diverting incident1 to say that it is rich4 ,all slang words are detestable from the lips of ladies4 ,we are always sorry to hear a young lady use such a word as polking when she tells of having been engaged in a certain dance too fashionable not long since2 but happily1 now it is fast going out1 and almost banished from the best society4 ,to her honour be it remembered1 ,queen ,victoria has prohibited the polka being danced in her presence4 ,how can a genteel girl bring herself to say1 ,last night ,i was polking with ,mr4 ,bell1 or ,mr4 ,cope came and asked me to polk with him4 ,its coarse and ill-sounding name is worthy of the dance4 ,if you own a lap-dog or poodle1 recollect that however charming it may be to yourself1 others may regard it as an annoyance2 therefore1 try to do without it when you are in the parlour of a house that is not your own1 and when the company present does not consist entirely of your own family4 ,all but their infatuated mistresses soon become very tired of the society of these animals4 ,poodles are generally peevish1 whining1 and snappish1 prone to get under chairs and bite at feet1 and to writhe about the skirts of dresses4 ,their faces often look old1 withered1 cross1 and blear-eyed1 seeming as if constantly troubled by the hair that dangles uncomfortably in their eyes2 and they are seldom healthy4 ,they have none of the honest1 grateful1 affectionate character common to dogs of larger growth4 ,though they often inspire their mistress with a love that becomes such a mania as to weaken her affection for all other things1 they seldom make friends of any one else4 ,we include what is called a ,king ,charles's dog in the same category4 ,for instance ,jip--whose character is as true to nature1 and as admirably drawn as that of ,dora herself4 ,should a visiter come in to see one of the boarders who may be sitting near you1 change your place1 and take a seat in a distant part of the room4 ,it is ill-manners to remain1 and listen to the conversation4 ,it is best for the visited lady to meet her friend as soon as she sees her enter the room1 and conduct her to a sofa or ottoman where they can enjoy their talk without danger of being overheard4 ,after the visiter is gone1 do not enquire her name of the friend she has just called on4 ,it is not well to call at the same time on two ladies both living at the same house1 7so as to make one visit suffice for both17 unless they are intimate friends of each other1 or unless your stay in the city will be very short4 ,if one is taciturn1 and the other conversable1 she that is silent may imagine herself neglected1 by the dialogue being chiefly between those who can talk fluently1 as it certainly will be1 if the third person only speaks when spoken to1 and replies in monosyllables4 ,it is better to make a separate visit to each lady1 on different days4 ,there is another way1 and a very good one4 ,for instance1 should ,mrs4 ,canning wish to call on ,mrs4 ,austin and ,miss ,lovel1 both inmates of the same house1 let her1 when shown into the parlour1 send up her name to ,mrs4 ,austin first4 ,when that lady comes down1 and she and her friend have conversed about as long as the usual term of a morning call1 ,mrs4 ,canning will rise to depart1 and when ,mrs4 ,austin has seen her to the parlour door1 ,mrs4 ,c4 may say1 ,i will detain you no longer1 or ,i will encroach no longer on your time1 but ,i am going now to send up for ,miss ,lovel4 ,mrs4 ,austin then takes her leave1 and goes up-stairs1 7her part of the visit being over27 while ,mrs4 ,canning returns to her seat in the parlour1 having first rung the bell1 and sent for ,miss ,lovel4 ,in this manner1 two distinct visits may be politely made to two ladies living in the same hotel--and it is very customary4 ,any lady that lives at a hotel can in some degree make a return for the civilities received from private families1 by occasionally inviting a friend to dine or take tea with her4 ,these dinners or teas are of course always charged in her bill4 ,if she expects a friend1 she will previously send to apprize the head-waiter that she wishes him to reserve a seat next to her own1 for a lady4 ,she should give her arm to her guest1 in going to the table4 ,if a friend chances to call1 whom she really wishes to stay and dine or drink tea with her1 she should ask her guest to take off her bonnet as soon as she comes in2 giving her the invitation at once1 and not delaying it till the visiter is about taking her leave4 ,even in a private house1 such extemporaneous invitations 7which if evidently sincere1 are always gratifying1 whether accepted or not7 should be given immediately1 as soon as the hostess meets her guest4 ,there will then be time to order any improvement in the table arrangements that may be deemed necessary4 ,we often have occasion to repeat1 that whatever is done at all1 should be done well4 ,if1 while in the parlour of the hotel1 you wish to know if a person you are desirous of seeing is staying at the house1 the easiest way to obtain the information1 is not to enquire round of the ladies present1 but to ring the bell1 and desire the waiter to go and ask at the office4 ,you can then send a message accordingly4 ,it should be a card with a message pencilled on it4 ,by sending to the office you may learn where all the public places in the city and its environs are to be found4 ,also1 where the churches are situated4 ,you may be sure that the most fashionable shops are in the main street4 ,at any stationer's1 you can buy a small pocket-map of the city1 folded in a little morocco case4 ,this will be an almost indispensable aid in finding your way4 ,in ,philadelphia1 the arrangement of the long streets that run east and west from the ,delaware to the ,schuylkill1 has given occasion to the old rhyme of ,market1 ,arch1 ,race and ,vine1 ,chestnut1 ,walnut1 ,spruce and ,pine4 ,if when about to ascend the stairs1 you find that a gentleman is going up at the same time1 draw back and make a sign for him to precede you4 ,he will bow1 and pass on before you4 ,when coming down1 do the same1 that the gentleman may descend in advance of you4 ,a very polished man will not wait for a signal from the lady1 but will bow and run up-stairs1 passing her as a thing of course4 ,do not idly detain a parlour newspaper on your lap1 for half an hour or more1 after you have done reading it4 ,as soon as you have read all you want1 replace it on the table1 or transfer it to another lady1 who may wish to read it1 and who may have been waiting anxiously to see you lay it out of your hand4 ,you have no right to monopolize any thing that is intended for the convenience of the whole company4 ,,footnotes3 #i ,nevertheless1 it is not good manners to make any remark 7even to a friend7 on their coming to breakfast late or early4 ,it is no concern of yours1 and they have reasons of their own1 undoubtedly4 #aj ,americans never really say niggers1 though constantly accused of doing so by their ,british cousins4 ,the word negor we have heard1 but nigger never4 #aa ,it is customary with professional or public musicians1 when in private company1 to volunteer a song or a piece2 knowing that1 out of delicacy1 no one will ask them to give a gratuitous specimen of the art by which they live4 ,this is polite and proper4 ,it is always duly appreciated1 and adds to the popularity of the performer4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,hotel ,,dinner4 ,in dressing for a hotel dinner1 it is not well to adopt a full evening costume1 and to appear as if attired for a ball2 for instance1 with a coloured velvet gown2 or one of a splendid brocade2 or a transparent gauze material over a satin2 or with short sleeves and bare neck in cold weather2 or with flowers or jewels in the hair4 ,such costumes should be reserved for evening parties4 ,if worn at the table d'hote1 it may be suspected you have no other place in which to display them4 ,your dress need not be more showy than you would wear when dining at a private house1 particularly if you are a permanent boarder4 ,there is no place where dress escapes with less scrutiny than at a great hotel4 ,still1 it is bad taste to go to the dinner-table in ungenteel and unbecoming habiliments--such as a figured or party-coloured mousseline-de-laine1 a thing which always has the effect of calico1 and1 like calico1 gives an unlady-like look even to the most decided lady4 ,in fact1 what is it but woollen calico8 ,and if it is accompanied by a very thin1 flimsy collar1 so small and narrow as to be scarcely visible1 the neck and face will look dingy and ill-coloured for want of sufficient white to relieve it4 ,no collar at all1 but merely a coloured silk handkerchief1 or a coloured dress1 coming immediately against the neck1 is disfiguring to all women1 and men too4 ,most ,american ladies beyond the age of thirty-five1 look better in caps than without them1 even if their hair shows no signs of middle age4 ,before that time1 the females of our country begin to fade1 evincing one effect of torrid summers and frozen winters4 ,a tasteful and simply elegant cap 7not one that is elaborate in its design1 and loaded with ornament17 imparts a grace and softness to a faded face1 and renders less conspicuous the inroads of time4 ,a decidedly old lady1 persisting in going with her head uncovered1 is a pitiable object1 and scarcely looks respectable4 ,worse still1 when she takes to an auburn wig4 ,gray hair is seldom unbecoming to a man4 ,to a woman it gives a masculine aspect1 especially if worn without a cap2 and if there is an attempt at long gray locks1 or ringlets1 the effect is strange1 wild and ghastly4 ,it is far more becoming for an elderly lady to give a dark shade to her temples1 and the upper part of her forehead1 by a plain1 simple1 and becoming dark-coloured braid1 not intended to pass as her natural hair1 7for it never does17 but merely that the face should be set off by a due proportion of shadow1--and not be all light or lightish4 ,if a decidedly old lady prefers wearing her own gray hair1 let her part it smoothly on her forehead1 but make no attempt at curls1 and be sure to add a cap to it4 ,an elderly female should1 as we have said1 always wear a cap2 and her cap should have tabs or broad strings to tie under her chin4 ,there is no use or beauty in a lady looking older than is necessary1 by wearing a short-eared or round-eared cap1 set back from her head1 and exposing all her cheeks even beyond her ears1 with the crease in her chin1 and the deep furrows or wrinkles on each side of her neck--all which can be concealed by bringing forward the bow of her cap tabs4 ,let all ladies1 old and young1 avoid having their caps trimmed with ribbons or flowers of what are called high-colours2 deep1 heavy pinks and blues1 and reddish lilacs4 ,these colours vulgarize every thing they are intended to decorate4 ,high-coloured ribbons1 flowered or figured1 are decidedly vulgar4 ,a profusion of jewels at a public table is in very bad taste1 particularly if the jewellery is palpably false--for instance1 a large brooch with great mock diamonds1 or a string of wax beads meant for pearls4 ,still worse1 glass things imitating topazes or garnets--or two or three gilt bracelets on one arm4 ,a large imitation gem always betrays its real quality by its size4 ,endeavour to make your arrangements so as to be dressed for dinner1 and seated in the ladies' drawing-room1 about ten or fifteen minutes before the dining-hour1 that you may be ready to go in with the rest of the company4 ,if you and your party are strangers1 recently arrived1 do not at once take the lead1 and walk up to the head of the table1 regardless of dislodging and causing inconvenience among the regular boarders1 to whom those seats have been allotted4 ,but desire a servant to show you a place4 ,the head-waiter is usually at hand to arrange seats for the strangers1 and he will attend to you4 ,persons not accustomed to hotels1 frequently show a great craving for the seats near the head of the table4 ,this is foolish4 ,there are no places of honour2 neither are the eatables better at one part of the table than another4 ,nobody sits below the salt4 ,and every one has an equal chance of obtaining a share of the nicest articles on the table4 ,what is most desirable is to have a seat in the vicinity of agreeable people1 and you will more frequently find them about the middle1 or lower end of the table1 than at the top--that being the place usually most coveted by the least genteel of the guests4 ,we have seen the ,chief ,magistrate of the ,union1 the ruler of millions1 simply take a seat near the door1 at the lower end of a hotel-table1 in ,philadelphia1 having arrived unexpectedly4 ,as we have said before1 we perceive not the propriety or the convenience of a large party of strangers1 on entering in a body1 pertinaciously making their way to the upper end of the table1 with a determination to obtain seats all in a row2 as if the whole row together could join in the same conversation1 or even see each other1 when they sit on the same side4 ,in seating yourself1 look down for a moment to see if you have placed the foot of your chair on the dress of the lady sitting next to you2 and if you have done so1 remove it immediately1 that her dress may be in no danger of tearing when she attempts to rise4 ,sit close to the table1 but never lean your elbows upon it4 ,to sit far from it1 and reach out distantly1 is very awkward4 ,having unfolded your napkin1 secure it to your belt with a pin1 to prevent its slipping down from your lap1 and falling under the table4 ,this may be done so that the pinning will not be perceptible4 ,bring with you a spare pin or two for this purpose1--or keep always a pincushion in your pocket4 ,it is much better than to incur the risk of getting your dress greased or stained by the napkin deserting your lap4 ,if such accidents should happen1 pass them over slightly1 and do not lose your temper4 ,for the present1 wipe the spot with your napkin1 and dip the corner in water1 and rub it lightly over the grease-mark4 ,when dinner is over1 you can finish repairing the injury in your own room4 ,the coloured waiters are generally very clever at removing grease-spots from dresses4 ,one of them will do it for you after dinner4 ,the stain of wine or fruit may in most cases be taken out of a washable article by laying it immediately in cold water4 ,to eat in gloves or mittens was always foolish2 fortunately it is no longer fashionable2 but greatly the contrary4 ,refrain from loud talking1 or loud laughing4 ,young ladies truly genteel are never conspicuously noisy at a public table1 or anywhere else4 ,still more carefully refrain from whispering1 or exchanging significant glances4 ,whispers are always overheard1 7even when the vulgar precaution is taken of screening your mouth with your hand17 and glances are always observed4#ab ,joggings1 nudgings1 pinchings1 sleeve-pullings1 c4 are excessively unlady-like1 and shamefully impudent when 7as is often the case7 the eye of the jogger is fixed upon the object of the jog4 ,to put up an eye-glass at the face of a stranger1 is very rude4 ,so it is to make remarks in ,french4 ,when eating fish1 first remove the bones carefully1 and lay them on the edge of your plate4 ,then with your fork in your right hand1 7the concave or hollow side held uppermost17 and a small piece of bread in your left1 take up the flakes of fish4 ,servants1 and all other persons1 should be taught that the butter-sauce should not be poured over the fish1 but put on one side of the plate1 that the eater may use it profusely or sparingly1 according to taste1 and be enabled to mix it conveniently with the sauce from the fish-castors4 ,pouring butter-sauce over any thing is now ungenteel4 ,do not attempt removing a cover from a dish1 that you may help yourself before the rest of the company4 ,leave all that to the waiters4 ,tell them what you want in a distinct1 but not in a loud1 conspicuous voice4 ,in asking a servant to bring you a thing1 add not the useless and senseless words will you8 for instance1 ,bring me the bread1 will you8--,give me some water1 will you8 ,of course he will4 ,has he the option of refusing8 ,how you would be startled were he to answer1 ,i will not4 ,it is well always to say1 even to servants1 ,i will thank you for the bread1--or the water4 ,if you are a stranger in the house1 ask1 at the beginning1 the servant who waits on you to tell you his name4 ,this may save you some inconvenience4 ,where servants are numerous1 they should always go by their surnames1 and be called ,wilson1 ,jackson1 ,thomson1 or whatever it may be4 ,this will prevent the confusion arising from half a dozen ,johns1 or as many ,williams4 ,if the waiters are attentive1 and in sufficient number1 you will have1 at a good hotel1 little or no occasion to help yourself to any thing4 ,do not1 under any circumstances1 reach across the table1 or rise on your feet to get at any particular dish you may want4 ,trouble no one of the company2 but wait till you see a servant at hand4 ,no man who is a gentleman ever puts the ladies in requisition to help him at table4 ,it is not customary at hotels for ladies to be assiduous in watching and supplying the plates of gentlemen4 ,they can take care of themselves4 ,if in turning to speak to a waiter1 you find him in the act of serving some one else1 say1 ,when you are at leisure1 ,i will thank you for some water1--or whatever you may want4 ,it is selfish to be continually sending out of the room the man who waits near you1 for the purpose of bringing extra things for yourself4 ,try to be satisfied with what you find on the table1 and recollect that you are depriving others of his services1 while you are dispatching him back and forward on errands to the kitchen4 ,many persons hold silver forks awkwardly1 as if not accustomed to them4 ,it is fashionable to use your knife only while cutting up the food small enough to be eaten with the fork alone4 ,while cutting1 keep the fork in your left hand1 the hollow or concave side downward1 the fork in a very slanting position1 and your fore-finger extended far down upon its handle4 ,when you have done cutting up what you are going to eat1 lay aside your knife1 transfer the fork to your right hand1 and take a small piece of bread in your left4 ,if eating any thing soft1 use your silver fork somewhat as a spoon1 turning up the hollow side that the cavity may hold the food4 ,if engaged in talking1 do not1 meanwhile1 hold your fork bolt upright1 but incline it downward1 so as to be nearly on a level with your plate4 ,remember1 always1 to keep your own knife1 fork1 and spoon out of the dishes4 ,it is an insult to the company1 and a disgrace to yourself1 to dip into a dish any thing that has been even for a moment in your mouth4 ,to take butter or salt with your own knife is an abomination4 ,there is always a butter-knife and a salt-spoon4 ,it is nearly as bad to take a lump of sugar with your fingers4 ,in eating bread at dinner1 break off little bits1 instead of putting the whole piece to your mouth and biting at it4 ,no lady looks worse than when gnawing a bone1 even of game or poultry4 ,few ladies do it4 ,in fact1 nothing should be sucked or gnawed in public2 neither corn bitten off from the cob1 nor melon nibbled from the rind4#ac ,it is very ungraceful to eat an orange at table1 unless1 having cut a bit off the top1 you eat the inside with a tea-spoon--otherwise reserve it for the privacy of your own room4 ,always pare apples and peaches2 and crack no nuts with your teeth4 ,in eating cherries1 put your half-closed hand before your mouth to receive the stones2 then lay them on one side of your plate4 ,to spit out the stones one at a time as you proceed with the cherries is very ungenteel4 ,get rid of plumb-stones in the same manner4 ,do not eat incongruous and unsuitable things from the same plate1 telling the waiter that he need not change it1 as it will do very well4 ,the washing of a plate 7more or less7 is no object whatever in a large establishment1 and it is expected that the guests will have clean ones very frequently4 ,it is an affectation of ultra-fashion to eat pie with a fork1 and has a very awkward and inconvenient look4 ,cut it up first with your knife and fork both2 then proceed to eat it with the fork in your right hand4 ,much of this determined fork-exercise may be considered foolish4 ,but it is fashionable4 ,if a lady wishes to eat lobster1 let her request the waiter that attends her1 to extract a portion of it from the shell1 and bring it to her on a clean plate--also to place a castor near her4 ,novices in lobster sometimes eat it simply with salt1 or with vinegar only1 or with black pepper4 ,this betrays great ignorance of the article4 ,to prepare it according to the usual custom1--cut up1 very small1 the pieces of lobster1 and on another plate make the dressing4 ,first1 mash together some hard-boiled yolk of egg1 and some of the red coral of the lobster1 with a little salt and cayenne4 ,mix in1 with a fork1 mustard to your taste2 and then a liberal allowance of salad-oil1 finishing with vinegar4 ,transfer the bits of lobster to the plate that has the dressing1 and combine the whole with a fork4 ,lettuce salad is dressed in the same manner4 ,at a public table1 a lady should never volunteer to dress salad for others of the company4 ,neither should she cut up a pie1 and help it round4 ,these things ought only to be done by a gentleman1 or a servant4 ,if a gentleman with whom you are acquainted has dressed a salad1 and offers the plate to you1 take what you want1 and immediately return to him the remainder2 and do not pass it on to persons in your vicinity4 ,it is his privilege1 and not yours to offer it to others1 as he has had the trouble of dressing it4 ,and it is just that he should have a portion of it for himself1 which will not be the case if you officiously hand it about to people around you4 ,leave it to him to dispose of as he pleases4 ,it was formerly considered ill-manners to refuse to take wine with a gentleman4 ,now that the fortunate increase of temperance has induced so many persons to abjure1 entirely1 the use of all liquors1 it is no longer an offence to decline these invitations4 ,if you have no conscientious scruples1 and if you are acquainted with the gentleman1 or have been introduced to him1 7not else17 you may comply with his civility1 and when both glasses are filled1 look at him1 bow your head1 and taste the wine4 ,if you are placed between a lady and gentleman who are taking wine together1 lean back a little that they may see each other's faces4 ,it is not customary1 in ,america1 for a lady to empty her glass1--or indeed1 at a hotel1 or boarding-house1 to take wine with the same gentleman after the first day4 ,next time he asks1 politely refuse1 simply desiring him to excuse you4 ,if he is a true gentleman1 he will regard your refusal in its proper light1 and not persist4 ,we have often1 at a public table1 regretted to see ladies in the daily practice of taking wine with the same gentleman as often as invited4 ,this daily practice is improper1 indelicate1 and we will say mean--for wine is expensive1 and no lady should every day place herself under the same obligation to the same gentleman1 even for a single glass4 ,he will not respect her the more for doing so4 ,on no consideration let any lady be persuaded to take two glasses of champagne4 ,it is more than the head of an ,american female can bear4 ,and she may rest assured that 7though unconscious of it herself7 all present will find her cheeks flushing1 her eyes twinkling1 her tongue unusually voluble1 her talk loud and silly1 and her laugh incessant4 ,champagne is very insidious2 and two glasses may throw her into this pitiable condition4 ,if a stranger whom you do not know1 and to whom you have had no introduction1 takes the liberty of asking you to drink wine with him1 refuse at once1 positively and coldly1 to prove that you consider it an unwarrantable freedom4 ,and so it is4 ,if you are helped to any thing whose appearance you do not like1 or in which you are disappointed when you taste it1 you1 of course1 at a hotel table1 are not obliged to eat it4 ,merely leave it on your plate1 without audibly giving the reason2 and then1 in a low voice1 desire the waiter to bring you something else4 ,it is well1 while at table1 to avoid any discussion of the demerits of the dishes4 ,on the other hand1 you may praise them as much as you please4 ,in refusing to be helped to any particular thing1 never give as a reason that you are afraid of it1 or that it will disagree with you4 ,it is sufficient simply to refuse2 and then no one has a right to ask why8 ,while at table1 all allusions to dyspepsia1 indigestion1 or any other disorders of the stomach1 are vulgar and disgusting4 ,the word stomach should never be uttered at any table1 or indeed anywhere else1 except to your physician1 or in a private conversation with a female friend interested in your health4 ,it is a disagreeable word1 7and so are all its associations17 and should never be mentioned in public to ears polite4 ,also1 make no remarks on what is eaten by persons near you1 7except they are children1 and under your own care17 such as its being unwholesome1 indigestible1 feverish1 or in any way improper4 ,it is no business of yours2 and besides1 you are not to judge of others by yourself4 ,no two constitutions are alike1 and what is very bad for you1 may be perfectly innoxious to others4 ,if persons are with you in whom you are much interested1 and over whom you have influence1 and they seem inclined to eat what is bad for them1 refrain from checking them in presence of strangers4 ,above all1 do not open your eyes1 and hold up your hands1 and exclaim against their folly1 and want of self-control1 and predict their certain sufferings from that cause4 ,but if you must remonstrate1 wait till you have quitted the table1 and find yourself alone with the delinquent4 ,never1 while at table1 7whether in public or private17 allow yourself to talk on painful or disgusting subjects4 ,avoid all discussions of sicknesses1 sores1 surgical operations1 dreadful accidents1 shocking cruelties1 or horrible punishments4 ,a love of such topics1 evinces a coarse and unfeminine mind4 ,it is rude in gentlemen at any time to introduce them before ladies2 and a polished man never does so4 ,the conversation at table should be as cheerful and pleasant as possible4 ,political and sectarian controversies ought to have no place there4 ,shakspeare truly says1 ,unquiet meals make ill digestion4 ,avoid the discussion at table of private affairs2 either your own1 or those of other people4 ,remember that servants have ears1 and frequently much more quickness of comprehension and retentiveness of memory than is generally supposed4 ,so have children4 ,abstain from picking your teeth at table4 ,notwithstanding that custom has allowed this practice in ,europe1 7even in fashionable society17 it is still a very disagreeable one1 and to delicate spectators absolutely sickening to behold4 ,delay it till you are alone1 and till you can indulge in it without witnesses4 ,we know that it is quite possible to go on through a long life1 and to have clean teeth1 without ever once having been seen to pick them2 and yet those teeth are really picked after every meal4 ,should you chance to be extremely incommoded by some extraneous substance that has gotten between your teeth1 you can remove it unperceived1 by holding up your napkin or handkerchief before your mouth1 so as effectually to conceal the process4 ,when you take any thing out of your teeth1 do not make the persons who are near you sick1 by laying the disgusting particle on the side of your plate2 but conceal it immediately4 ,still1 nothing but sheer necessity can excuse any teeth-picking at table4 ,we have seen a young lady1 at a very fashionable house in one of our great cities1 pull a dish of stewed oysters close to her1 and with a table-spoon fish out and eat the oysters one at a time2 audibly sipping up their liquor from the said dish4 ,we have seen a young gentleman lift his plate of soup in both hands1 hold it to his mouth and drink1 or rather lap it up4 ,this was at no less a place than ,niagara4 ,we have heard of a well-dressed stranger at a great hotel in ,boston1 who having used his own knife for the butter1 flew into a violent passion with the waiter for respectfully pointing out to him the silver butter-knife4 ,swearing that the knife he had been putting in his mouth was quite good enough1 afterward1 for any butter in the world1 the gentleman flung the silver knife across the table1 and broke it against the wall4 ,for this exploit he had to pay five dollars4 ,a man that habitually rises on his feet to reach across the table for a dish1 and pulls it to himself1 instead of desiring the waiter to bring it to him1 is unworthy the appellation of a gentleman4 ,ladies1 of course1 cannot be guilty of this abomination2 but it is true that they sometimes extend their arms entirely too far1 in trying to get at something which a servant would bring them if asked to do so4 ,some persons behave coarsely at a public table because they are ignorant1 and know no better4 ,some 7far less excusable7 are rude because they are too selfish to put any restraint on their inclinations1 or to care for the convenience of others4 ,some display1 all the time1 a vulgar determination to get the full worth of their money4 ,some1 who at a private dinner-table would be the most polite people imaginable1 lay aside their good manners in a public dining-room2 regarding a hotel as they would a tavern--a sort of ,liberty ,hall4 ,and some are insolent by way of showing their consequence1--having1 in reality1 mixed so little with true people of consequence1 as not to be aware that persons of high station are1 with few exceptions1 entirely free from the assumption of undue importance4 ,servants are often very shrewd observers1 and they always say that real gentlefolks never take airs4 ,neither they do4 ,when the finger-glasses are sent round1 dip a clean corner of your napkin into the water1 and wet round your lips with it1 but omit the disgusting foreign fashion of taking water into your mouth1 rinsing and gurgling it round1 and then spitting it back into the glass4 ,wait till you can give your mouth a regular and efficient washing up-stairs4 ,dip your fingers into the glass1 rub them with the slice of lemon1 or the orange-leaf that may be floating on the surface1 and then wipe them on the napkin4 ,we have heard of a man who saw finger-glasses for the first time in his life1 when dining at one of the ,new ,york hotels4 ,a slice of lemon floating on the top1 he took up the bowl and drank the water1 exclaiming as he set it down--,well6 if this isn't the poorest lemonade ,i ever tasted6 ,on quitting the table1 it is not necessary to fold up your napkin4 ,merely lay it on the table near your plate4 ,the napkins will be immediately collected by the servants1 carried to the laundry1 and thrown at once into tubs of water1 to take out the stains4 ,when dinner is over1 and you see that nearly all the company1 except two or three1 have left the table1 it is not well to be one of that two or three1 and to remain to an indefinite period1 loitering over the last pickings of a plate of nuts--nut-picking being always a tedious business4 ,the waiters are1 by this time1 very tired of standing1 and they 7like all other people7 are entitled to some consideration of their comfort4 ,even the attraction of a beau drinking his wine beside her1 ought not to induce a young lady to outstay all the company1 with the pretext of being passionately fond of nuts4 ,she may indulge this passion at any time by keeping a bag of them in her own room4 ,the ,english travellers who visit ,america are often right in their remarks on many of our customs4 ,and instead of resenting these remarks1 we might profit by them1 and reform4 ,for instance1 it is true that the generality of ,americans eat too fast1 for their own health1 and the comfort of those about them2 masticating their food very slightly1 and not allowing themselves time enough to enjoy their meals4 ,the ,french1 however1 eat faster still1 and can dispatch a surprising quantity of food in less time than any people in the civilized world4 ,if we pattern after either nation in the customs of the table1 the genteel ,english are far better models than most of their neighbours across the ,channel4 ,but the best class of ,americans are unsurpassed in the essentials of all these observances4 ,the ,english attach too much importance to ceremonies merely conventional1 and for which there seems no motive but the ever-changing decrees of fashion4 ,yet1 on going to ,england1 let every ,american lady take care to make herself acquainted with these ceremonies2 for her ignorance of them will find no quarter there--and she need not flatter herself that it will be passed over unnoticed4 ,in most hotels it is not customary to have hot cakes or any warm dishes on the tea-table1 except in cold weather4 ,we think1 in a summer afternoon1 they can be easily dispensed with1 and that ladies might be satisfied with sweet cakes1 fruit1 preserves1 and other things more delicate1 and more suited to the hour1 than the hot preparations they sometimes call for2 and which1 by not seeing them on the table1 they may be assured do not come within scope of the tea-arrangements4 ,it is expecting too much to suppose the cook will be willing to mix batter-cakes and bake them1 or to scorch over the fire with broiling or stewing relishes1 in a warm summer evening--or even to make toast1 except for an invalid4 ,also1 every one should know that a substantial meal 7including tea and coffee7 can generally be had at the nine o'clock supper-table4 ,in houses where there is no nine o'clock supper1 the tea-table is set out with greater profusion and variety4 ,at hotels1 the interval between dinner and tea is usually short2 the tea-hour being early1 that the guests may have ample time to prepare for going to places of amusement4 ,yet there are ladies who1 though spending all the evening at home1 will remain sitting idly in the parlour till eight o'clock1 7or later still17 keeping the table standing and servants waiting in attendance1 that they may have a better appetite1 and be able to make a heartier meal at their tea4 ,this is selfish and inconsiderate1 particularly as they might easily wait a little longer1 and take their tea or coffee at the supper-table4 ,their appetites would then be still better4 ,the servants certainly require rest1 and should be exempt from all attendance in the ladies' eating-room1 for an hour or two in the evening4 ,no lady can remain long in the drawing-room talking to a gentleman after all the rest have retired for the night1 without subjecting herself to remarks which it would greatly annoy her to hear--whether merited or not4 ,neither is it well for her to be seen continually sitting at the same window with the same gentleman4 ,ladies and gentlemen who wish to hold private dialogues1 should not for that purpose monopolize a centre-table2 thereby preventing persons who wish to read from availing themselves of the light of the chandelier above it4 ,lovers who have proper consideration1 7a rare occurrence17 always sit as far as possible from the rest of the company1 and so they should--unless they can bring themselves to join in general conversation4 ,that is1 if the lovership is real4 ,in many cases the semblance is only assumed to produce effect1 and the talk has really nothing secret or mysterious about it1 and might just as well be uttered audibly4 ,in making acquaintance with a stranger at a hotel1 there is no impropriety 7but quite the contrary7 in enquiring of her from what place she comes4 ,in introducing yourself give your name audibly2 or what is still better1 if you have a card about you1 present that2 and she should do the same in return4 ,before you enter into conversation on any subject connected with religion1 it will be well to ask her to what church she belongs4 ,this knowledge will guard you from indulging1 inadvertently1 in sectarian remarks which may be displeasing to her1 besides producing a controversy which may be carried too far1 and produce ill-feeling between the parties4 ,we have known the mere question1 ,have you been to church to-day8 when asked of a stranger at a ,sunday dinner-table1 bring on a dialogue of great asperity1 and very annoying to the hearers4 ,as it cannot possibly concern yourself whether the strangers at a hotel have been to church or not1 or what church they have visited1 omit catechising them at table on this or any other religious subject4 ,we have never known a clergyman guilty of this solecism in good sense and good manners4 ,when you give a gratuity to a servant--for instance1 to the man who waits on you at table1 or he that attends your room1 or to the chambermaid or the errand-boy--give it at no regular time1 but whenever you think proper1 or find it convenient4 ,it is injudicious to allow them to suppose that they are to do you no particular service without being immediately paid for it4 ,it renders them mercenary1 rapacious1 and neglectful of other boarders who are less profuse2 not reflecting that the servants are hired to wait on the company1 and are paid wages for doing so1 by the proprietor of the establishment1 and that it is therefore their duty to him1 and to his guests1 to exert themselves so to give satisfaction4 ,still1 it is right and customary to pay them extra for conveying your baggage up and down stairs when you are departing from the house or returning to it4 ,carrying heavy baggage is very hard work even for strong men4 ,if you are a permanent boarder1 and from ill-health require extra attendance1 it is well to give a certain sum monthly to each of the servants who wait upon you2 and then they will not expect any thing more1 except on extraordinary occasions4 ,and to each of them1 separately1 give the money with your own hand4 ,in short1 whatever you give to any one1 7servants or others17 it is safest1 when convenient1 to bestow it in person4 ,there will then be no mistakes1 no forgettings1 and no temptation to embezzlement4 ,if you live in ,philadelphia1 you will find it very convenient1 in most cases1 to send messages by a note with a stamp on it1 put into the city-post4 ,there is a mail-bag and a letter-box at all hotels1 and at most of the large boarding-houses4 ,the errand-boy of the hotel carries parcels1 and takes such messages as require an immediate answer4 ,for a distance of any consequence1 he will expect from twelve to twenty-five cents4 ,for little errands in the immediate neighbourhood1 less will suffice4 ,when a servant brings you small change1 do not tell him to keep it4 ,it is giving him the bad habit of expecting it always2 and at times when you may have occasion1 yourself1 for that very change4 ,it is the worst way of feeing them4 ,on leaving the house1 and at ,christmas1 it is customary to give a fee rather larger than usual1 to the servants who have been your attendants4 ,but as we have said before1 give it with your own hands4 ,it is ungenerous and most unjustifiable to bribe the servants to neglect other boarders1 7whose place is near yours17 for the purpose of their bestowing on you a double share of attention4 ,it is taking an undue advantage1 which in the end will come out badly4 ,all persons who go to hotels are not able to lavish large and frequent gratuities on the servants4 ,but all1 for the price they pay to the proprietor1 are entitled to an ample share of attention from the domestics4 ,it is very mean and unlady-like to gossip secretly with the servants1 and question them about any of the other guests4 ,still worse1 to repeat what they tell you1 and give them as authority4 ,treat them always with kindness and civility1 but have no confidential and familiar intercourse with them4 ,to those you know1 it is but common civility to bid good morning every day4 ,coloured people you may always gratify by saying a few words to them1 now and then1 in passing4 ,they value this little kindness1 and will not presume upon it like those from the old country1 who1 if treated familiarly1 will frequently take liberties1 and lose all respect for you4 ,elderly coloured people1 7particularly in the ,south17 like much to be called aunt or uncle2 and it degrades no white lady to please them by doing so4 ,in all hotels1 it is against the rule to take out of the ladies' drawing-room any books that may be placed there for the general convenience of the company1 such as dictionaries1 guide-books1 directories1 magazines1 c4 ,if you borrow a file of newspapers from the reading-room1 get done with them as soon as you can1 lest they should be wanted there by the gentlemen2 and as soon as you have finished1 ring for a servant to carry them back4 ,be careful1 in cold weather1 always to shut the parlour-doors after you4 ,if you think the room too warm1 do not throw open either door or window1 without first enquiring if it will cause inconvenience to any one present4 ,it is a good practice to carry a pocket fan even in winter1 in case you should chance to feel the heat more sensibly than any other lady in the room4 ,if the heat of the grate causes you inconvenience1 enquire if there is any objection to having the blower brought in and stood up before it4 ,if not1 ring the bell and order it4 ,if you have an anthracite fire in your chamber1 and wish to extinguish it on retiring for the night1 take the tongs1 and lifting off some of the largest coals from the top1 lay them beneath the grate4 ,then1 with the shut-tongs or the poker1 make a deep hollow in the centre of the fire2 raking it into two hills1 one on each side1 leaving a valley down in the middle4 ,it will begin to blacken immediately1 and go out in a few minutes4 ,if you cannot do this yourself1 ring for a servant4 ,this is the only way to put out an anthracite fire1 whether in a grate or a stove4--,there is no other4 ,try it4 ,,footnotes3 #ab ,a whisperer usually betrays herself by unconsciously fixing her eyes on the person she is secretly talking of4 ,if you wish to inform your neighbour that a distinguished person is present say softly1 ,mr4 ,c4 is here1 but do not look at him just now4 #ac ,it is1 however1 customary in eating sweet potatoes of a large size1 to break them in two1 and taking a piece in your hand1 to pierce down to the bottom with your fork1 and then mix in some butter1 continuing to hold it thus while eating it4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,ship-,,board4 ,there are few places where the looks and manners of the company are more minutely scanned than on ship-board2 and few where the agreeability of a lady will be more highly appreciated4 ,there is little or no variety of objects to attract attention4 ,the passengers are brought so closely into contact with each other1 and confined to so small a neighbourhood1 or rather so many neighbours are crowded into so small a space1 that all their sayings and doings are noticed with unusual attention1 by those who are well enough to regard any thing but themselves4 ,sea-sickness is a very selfish malady1--and no wonder that it is so4 ,fortunately it is less prevalent than formerly1 thanks to the improvements in cabin-room1 ventilation1 lodging1 food1 and many other things connected with ocean-travelling4 ,a lady who is not of a bilious or dyspeptic habit1 and who has taken precautionary medicine a few days before commencing the voyage1 frequently escapes sea-sickness altogether2 or at least gets well after the first day or two4 ,it is best not to be over-officious in offering your aid to the sick ladies1 unless they are your intimate friends4 ,the stewardess of a packet-ship is generally all-sufficient2 and much more capable of attending to their wants than you can be4 ,sea-sickness renders its victims very querulous2 and few like to be continually reminded of their condition by enquiries too often repeated of--,how do you find yourself now8 ,do you feel any better8 or1 ,do you think you could not eat something8 ,to one very much prostrated by the effects of the sea-motion1 the mere replying to these questions is an additional misery4 ,whatever sympathy you may feel1 at the time1 for those afflicted with the marine malady1 remember that it is a disorder which never kills1 but very frequently cures4 ,if you are sick yourself1 say as little about it as possible4 ,and never allude to it at table1 where you will receive little sympathy1 and perhaps render yourself disgusting to all who hear you4 ,at no time talk about it to gentlemen4 ,many foolish common-place sayings are uttered by ladies who attempt to describe the horrors of sea-sickness4 ,for instance this--,i felt all the time as if ,i wished somebody to take me up1 and throw me overboard4 ,this is untrue--no human being ever really did prefer drowning to sea-sickness4 ,when the ship is actually in danger1 this malady is always frightened away2 the feelings of the mind entirely overpowering those of the body4 ,try to avoid supposing that every fresh gale is a violent storm2 but confide in the excellence of the ship1 and the skill of its navigators4 ,yet1 though not afraid yourself1 remember that others may be so1 and do not try to show your courage by indulging in undue gayety4 ,mirth is out of place when the sky is overcast with gloom1 the wind blowing hard1 and the waves running mountains high1 and foaming and roaring all round the vessel4 ,if there is truly a violent tempest1 and if the danger is real and imminent1 trust to that ,almighty ,power who is with you always1--on the sea1 and on the land2 and silently and fervently implore his protection4 ,no captain likes to be teazed with importunities concerning the probable length of the passage4 ,you may be sure he will do all he can to make it as short as possible4 ,in rough weather1 refrain from asking1 whenever you see him1 ,if there is any danger8 ,if there really is1 he will certainly let you know it in time4 ,endeavour to live harmoniously with your fellow-passengers4 ,avoid such national allusions as may give offence to the foreigners4 ,if you find that any of them are in the frequent practice of sneering at your own country1 or speaking of it disrespectfully1 repress your resentment1 resort to no recrimination1 but refrain from further conversation with that individual1 and leave him to the gentlemen4 ,if a female foreigner is in the habit of gratuitously abusing ,america1 endeavour calmly to convince her that her ideas of your country are erroneous4 ,if she will not be convinced1 7as is most likely1 if she is an ungenteel ,englishwoman17 give up the attempt1 and leave her to herself4 ,if you have a taste for the ridiculous1 you will regard her prejudices and the expression of them only as objects of amusement4 ,avoid all arguments with a woman of irritable disposition1 lest you are drawn in yourself to defend your opinion too warmly4 ,you will soon find whether or not you can convince her1 or whether she is likely to convince you4 ,and it is worse than useless for both to continue protracting the argument1 when they know that the opinion of neither will be shaken4 ,also1 it is foolish to keep on repeating the same ideas1 with no change but in a few of the words4 ,long and turbulent discussions are peculiarly annoying on ship-board1 particularly in rainy weather1 when for the weary and pent-up audience1 there's no door to creep out4 ,it is certainly advisable for every lady on ship-board to endeavour to make herself as agreeable as she can1 and not to suppose that all her whims and oddities will be excused because she is suffering the pains and penalties of the sea1 and is therefore not a responsible being4 ,if free from sickness1 a lady may propose or promote many pleasant little amusements and occupations2 such as playing children's games on deck1 or taking a part in chess1 chequers1 and backgammon in the cabin4 ,ladies sometimes form a regular little coterie1 for assembling at certain hours1 and employing themselves in knitting1 bead-work1 light-sewing1 c4 while a gentleman reads aloud to them in some entertaining book4 ,in the evening1 vocal concerts will be an agreeable variety1 as there are always some persons on board who can sing4 ,and when the weather is fine1 and the ship steadily laying her course1 a moonlight dance on deck is delightful4 ,a young lady should improve the opportunity of learning the names of the principal parts of the ship4 ,it is a silly boast at the end of the voyage1 7and yet we have heard such boasts17 to say that you do not know the fore-mast from the main-mast2 and that you have no idea where the mizen-mast is1 much less the bow-sprit4 ,and even if a fair damsel should be able to distinguish the fore-topsail from the jib1 and to know even the flying-jib1 and have learnt the difference between the compass and the quadrant1 and the log-line and the lead-line1 we opine that the gentlemen will think none the worse of her2 to say nothing of the satisfaction it will afford herself to listen with some comprehension to talk concerning the ship1 and to read understandingly a few of the numerous excellent novels that treat of life on the ocean wave4 ,if you have1 unfortunately1 the rude and unamiable habit of laughing whenever you see any one get a fall1 leave it off when on ship-board1--where falls are of continual occurrence from the rolling of the vessel1 and the steepness of the stairs4 ,we never could tell why a fall1 even on the ice1 should be regarded as a subject of mirth1 when the chance is that it may produce a serious hurt1 and is always attended with some pain or some annoyance at least4 ,low-bred women always say they cannot help laughing at such sights4 ,we think ladies ought always to help it1 and hasten at once to the relief of the sufferer1 to ascertain if they are hurt4 ,be washed and dressed neatly every day4 ,this can generally be managed with the assistance of the female servants--even if you are sick4 ,a piano never sounds well on ship-board--the cabins are too small1 and the ceilings too low4 ,to the sick and nervous1 7and all who are sea-sick become very nervous17 this instrument is peculiarly annoying4 ,therefore be kind enough to spare them the annoyance4 ,you can practise when the weather is fine2 and the invalids are on deck4 ,pianos have been abolished in many of the finest ships4 ,such instruments as can be carried on deck1 and played in the open air1 are1 on the contrary1 very delightful at sea1 when in the hands of good performers--particularly on a moonlight evening4 ,in going to ,england1 take with you no ,american reprints of ,english books1 unless you intend leaving them on board the ship4 ,if you attempt to land them1 they will be seized at the custom-house4 ,american books by ,american authors are not prohibited4 ,make no attempt to smuggle any thing4 ,you may be detected and disgraced4 ,the risk is too great1 and the advantage too little4 ,when you leave your state-room to sit in the ladies' cabin1 do not fall to relating the particulars of your sickness1 or complaining of the smallness of your apartment1 the rolling of the ship1 or the roughness of the waves4 ,these inconveniences are unavoidable1 and must always be expected in a sea-voyage2 and talking about them too much seems to magnify their evils4 ,if there is any deficiency in accommodations or attentions1 either try as well as you can to do without them1 or in a kind and considerate manner endeavour to obtain them of the servants1 if not too inconvenient1 or against the ship's regulations4 ,it is very inconsiderate to have things cooked at luncheon time purposely for yourself4 ,ladies who are quite well will sometimes order baked apples1 stewed prunes1 buttered toast1 arrow-root1 cups of tea or coffee1 c41--notwithstanding that the lunch-table is always profusely spread with a variety of cold articles2 and that when dinner is cooking at the same time1 the small size of the kitchen renders any extra preparations very inconvenient to the preparers4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,letters4 ,the practice of enclosing letters in envelopes is now universal2 particularly as when the letter is single no additional postage is charged for the cover4 ,the postage now is in almost every instance pre-paid1 it being but three cents when paid by the writer1 and five if left to the receiver4 ,therefore1 none but very poor or very mean people send unpaid letters4 ,letter-stamps for the ,united ,states post should be kept in a little box on your writing-table4 ,you can get them always by sending to the post-office--from a dollar's worth or more1 down to fifty or twenty-five cents' worth1 at a time4 ,in a second box1 keep stamps for the city or penny post1 which transmits notes from one part of the town to another4 ,and in a third1 stamps to go on the covers of newspapers4 ,sealing with wax is found to be very insecure for letters that are carried by steamers into warm climates--the wax melting with the heat1 and sticking the letters to each other1 so that they cannot be separated without tearing4 ,wafers are better4 ,it would be very convenient to use the post-office stamp as a seal1 but the clerks in that establishment charge extra postage for the trouble of turning the letter to mark the stamp4 ,this subjects the receiver to the payment of two additional cents4 ,in writing upon business exclusively your own1 for instance to make a request1 to ask for information1 to petition for a favour1 or to solicit an autograph1 it is but right not only to pay the postage of your own letter1 but to enclose a stamp for the answer4 ,this is always done by really polite and considerate people4 ,you have no right1 when the benefit is entirely your own1 to cause any extra expense to the receiver of the letter--not even the cost of three cents to pay the postage back again4 ,it is enough to tax their time by requiring them to write to you and send off the reply4 ,also1 in corresponding with a relative1 or very intimate friend1 to whom even a small expense is of more importance than to yourself1 you may enclose a stamp for the answer4 ,do so always in writing to poor people4 ,be careful not to allow yourself to get entirely out of post-office stamps4 ,replenish your stock in time4 ,if the gum on the back seems too weak1 go over it afresh with that excellent cement1 ,perpetual ,paste4 ,embossed or bordered envelopes are not often used except in notes of ceremony--or when the acquaintance is slight4 ,the same with ornamented note-paper4 ,intimate friends and relatives use paper that is handsome1 but plain4 ,letters of business are generally enclosed in yellow or buff-coloured envelopes4 ,some of these yellow envelopes are large enough to contain a folio sheet when folded4 ,notes not to be sent by post1 are usually sealed with wax--the seal very small4 ,but a small wafer is admissible--a white one looks best for a note4 ,in folding your note or letter1 see that it is not too large to go into the envelope4 ,it is customary to write the direction on the envelope only4 ,nevertheless1 if the letter is to go a long distance by post1 the envelope may be worn off1 or torn off accidentally1 or get so damaged in the letter-bag as to be rendered illegible4 ,the surest and safest way is to put the address on the letter also2 or if the sheet is full1 to find a corner for the direction1 either at the beginning or end4 ,we have seen no good letter-paper at less price than twenty-five cents per quire2 and for that it ought to be very good4 ,if of lower cost1 you may find it soft and fuzzy1 so that the pen will not move freely1 7the nib wearing out directly17 or so thin that you cannot write on both sides of the sheet4 ,in paper1 as in most other things1 the best is the cheapest4 ,if the tint is bluish1 the writing will not be so legible as on a pure white4 ,the surface should be smooth and glossy4 ,for letter writing ruled paper is rarely used1 except by children4 ,in writing for the press1 no other is so convenient4 ,a page of ruled lines to slip beneath1 is indispensable to those who cannot otherwise write straight4 ,they are to be had for a few cents at every stationer's4 ,it is well to get three different sizes4 ,if you write a small hand1 the lines should be closer together than if your writing is large4 ,if you are addressing a friend and have much to say1 and expect to fill the sheet1 begin very near the top of the first page4 ,but if your letter is to be a short one1 commence lower down1 several inches from the top4 ,if a very short letter of only a few lines1 begin but a little above the middle of the page4 ,crossing a letter all over with transverse lines is obsolete4 ,it is intolerable to read1 and there is no excuse for it now1 when postage is so low1 and every body pays their own4 ,write the date near the right-hand side of the first page1 and place it about two lines higher than the two or three words of greeting or accosting with which letters usually commence4 ,begin the first sentence a little below those words1 and farther toward the right than the lines that are to follow4 ,it is well in dating every letter to give always your exact residence--that is1 not only the town you live in1 but the number and street4 ,if your correspondent has had but one notification of your present place of abode1 she may have forgotten the number1 and even the street4 ,your letter containing it may not be at hand as a reference1 and the answer may1 in consequence1 be misdirected--or directed in so vague a manner that it will never reach you4 ,we have known much inconvenience 7and indeed loss7 ensue from not specifying with the date of each letter the exact dwelling-place of the writer4 ,but if it is always indicated at the top of every one1 a reference to any one of your letters will furnish your proper address4 ,if you are in the country1 where there are no streets or numbered houses1 give the name of the estate and that of the nearest post-town2 also the county and state4 ,all this will occupy a long line1 but you will find the advantage4 ,if your letter fills more than one sheet1 number each page4 ,should you have no envelope1 leave1 on the inside of the third page1 two blank spaces where the seal is to come4 ,these spaces should be left rather too large than too small4 ,lest you should tear the letter in breaking it open1 it is best to cut round the seal4 ,we have seen letters that were actually illegible from the paleness of the ink4 ,if you write from your own house this is inexcusable1 as you ought always to be well supplied with that indispensable article2 and in a city you can easily send to a stationer's and buy it4 ,it is still better to make it yourself2 than which nothing is more easy4 ,the following receipt we know1 by experience1 to be superlative4 ,try it4 ,buy at a druggist's four ounces of the best blue ,aleppo nut-galls2 half an ounce of green copperas2 and half an ounce of clean1 white gum-arabic4 ,these three articles must be pulverized in a mortar4 ,put them into a large1 clean1 white-ware pitcher1 and pour on a quart of boiling water4 ,stir the whole with a stick that will reach to the bottom1 and set the pitcher in a warm place2 covering it lightly with a folded newspaper4 ,in about an hour1 stir it again very hard2 and repeat the stirring several times during the day4 ,let it remain in the pitcher several days1 or a week1 till it becomes an excellent black2 the blackening will be accelerated by keeping the pitcher in the sun2 for instance1 in a sunny balcony4 ,stir it1 down to the bottom1 two or three times a day--always with a stick4 ,use nothing of metal in making this ink4 ,when it is very black1 and writes well1 pour it off carefully from the bottom1 7which must have rested undisturbed for two or three hours previous17 passing it through a funnel into pint-bottles4 ,before you cork them1 put into each a large tea-spoonful of brandy1 to prevent moulding1 or a few drops of lavender4 ,a small tea-spoonful of cloves1 7slightly broken17 placed in the bottom of each bottle1 before the ink is poured in1 will answer the same purpose4 ,scouring the pitcher with soap and sand1 after throwing away the dregs of the ink1 will completely clear off the stains4 ,ink-stands should be washed out1 before they are filled anew4 ,there is no ink superior to this in blackness or smoothness4 ,you can make it at less than half the cost of that which you buy in the shops4 ,it looks blacker the next day after using1 and never fades4 ,if it becomes rather too thick1 dilute it slightly with water1 and stir it down to the bottom4 ,never use blue ink4 ,if the letter chances to get wet1 the writing will be effaced4 ,serious losses have resulted from business letters being written in blue ink4 ,if you make a mistake in a word1 draw your pen through it1 or score it so as to be quite illegible1 and then interline the correction1 placing a caret beneath4 ,this will be better than scratching out the error with your penknife1 and afterward trying to write a new word in the identical place2 an attempt which rarely succeeds1 even with the aid of pounce-powder1 which is pulverized gum-sandarac4 ,at the end of the letter1 somewhat lower than your signature1 7which should be very near the right-hand edge of the page17 add the name and address of the person for whom the letter is designed1 and to whom it will thus find its way1 even if the envelope should be defaced1 or torn off and lost4 ,write your own name rather larger than your usual hand1 and put a dot or dash after it4 ,some of the ensuing paragraphs are taken 7with permission of the publisher7 from a former work of the author's4 ,in folding a letter1 let the breadth 7from left to right7 far exceed the height4 ,a letter folded tall is ridiculous1 and one verging towards squareness looks very awkward4 ,it is well to use a folder 7or paper-knife7 to press along the edges of the folds1 that they may be smooth and straight4 ,if one is looser than another1 or if there is the slightest narrowing in1 or widening out1 toward the edge of the turn-over1 the letter will have an irregular1 unsightly appearance4 ,pieces of ruled lines may be so cut that you can slip them under the back of a letter after it is folded1 and then you will be in no danger of writing the direction crooked1 or uneven4 ,write the name of your correspondent about the middle of the back1 and very clearly and distinctly4 ,then give the number and street on the next line1 a little nearer to the right4 ,then the town in large letters1 extending still nearer to the right4 ,if a country-town1 give next 7in letters a little smaller7 the name of the county in which it is situated4 ,this is very necessary1 as in some of our states there is more than one town of the same name1 and ,washingtons all over the ,union4 ,lastly1 at the very bottom1 and close to the right1 indicate the state or district by its usual abbreviation1--for instance1 ,me4 for ,maine#ad--,n4 ,h4 ,new ,hampshire--,vt4 ,vermont--,mass4 ,massachusetts--,r4 ,i4 ,rhode ,island--,ct4 or ,conn4 ,connecticut--,n4 ,y4 ,new ,york--,n4 ,j4 ,new ,jersey--,pa4 or ,penna4 ,pennsylvania--,del4 ,delaware--,md4 ,maryland--,va4 ,virginia--,n4 ,c4 ,north ,carolina--,s4 ,c4 ,south ,carolina--,ga4 or ,geo4 ,georgia--,ala4 ,alabama--,miss4 ,mississippi--,mo4 ,missouri--,la4 ,louisiana--,tenn4 ,tennessee--,ky4 ,kentucky--,o4 ,ohio--,ind4 ,indiana--,ill4 ,illinois--,mich4 ,michigan--,ark4 ,arkansas--,wis4 ,wisconsin--,io4 ,iowa--,tex4 ,texas--,flo4 ,florida--,cal4 ,california--,or4 ,oregon--,minn4 ,minnesota--,utah--,d4 ,c4 ,district of ,columbia4 ,to these may be added the abbreviations of the ,british possessions in ,north ,america3 ,u4 ,c4 ,upper ,canada--,l4 ,c4 ,lower ,canada--,n4 ,s4 ,nova ,scotia--,n4 ,b4 ,new ,brunswick--,n4 ,p4 ,new ,providence4 ,in directing a letter to a foreign country1 give the whole name1 as ,france1 ,spain1 ,belgium1 ,england1 ,ireland1 ,scotland1 c4 ,we have towns in ,america called after all manner of ,european towns4 ,for instance1 a letter directed to our ,havre-de-,grace1 might1 if ,maryland was not designated1 find its way to ,havre-de-,grace in ,france2 ,rome in the state of ,new ,york might be taken to ,rome in ,italy1--,york in ,pennsylvania to ,york in ,england1 c4 ,we know an instance of a gentleman directing an important letter to ,boston1 and1 forgetting to add ,mass4 7for ,massachusetts7 at the bottom1 the letter actually went from ,philadelphia to the small town of ,boston in ,lincolnshire1 ,england4 ,in writing from ,europe1 finish the direction with the words ,united ,states of ,north ,america4 ,when you send a letter by a private opportunity1 7a thing which is already almost obsolete since the days of cheap postage17 it will be sufficient to introduce very near the lower edge of the left-hand corner of the back1 simply the name of the gentleman who carries it1 written small4 ,it is now considered old-fashioned to insert on the back of such a letter--,politeness of ,mr4 ,smith--,favoured by ,mr4 ,jones--,honoured by ,mr4 ,brown4 ,if the letter is to cross the sea1 by mail or otherwise1 write the name of the vessel on the left-hand corner of the outside4 ,when a letter is to go to ,new ,york city1 always put the words ,new ,york in full1 7and not ,n4 ,y471 written large4 ,much confusion is caused by the name of this state and its metropolis being the same4 ,it has been well-suggested that the name of the state of ,new ,york should be changed to ,ontario--a beautiful change4 ,in directing to any of the towns in the state of ,new ,york1 then put ,n4 ,y4 after the name of the town1 as ,hudson1 ,n4 ,y41--,syracuse1 ,n4 ,y41 c4 ,in sending a letter to the metropolis of the ,union1 direct for ,washington1 ,d4 ,c4 ,in directing to a clergyman1 put ,rev4 7,reverend7 before his name4 ,if a bishop1 ,right ,reverend4 ,to an officer1 immediately after his name put ,u4 ,s4 ,a4 for ,united ,states ,army1 or ,u4 ,s4 ,n4 for ,united ,states ,navy--having preceded his name with ,gen41 ,col41 ,capt41 ,lieut41 according to his rank4 ,the title ,hon4 7,honourable7 is always used in directing to a member of congress1 a member of the cabinet1 a judge of the supreme court1 an ambassador1 or the governor of a state4 ,for the ,chief ,magistrate of the ,union1 you may direct simply to the ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,the term ,excellency is now but little used4 ,for a gentleman holding a professorship in a university1 preface his name with ,prof4 or ,professor4 ,the title of ,professor does not really belong to all men who teach any thing1 or to every man that exhibits a show--or to mesmerists1 and spiritual knockers4 ,do not give it to them4 ,for sealing letters no light is so convenient as a wax taper in a low stand4 ,a lamp1 or candle1 may smoke or blacken the wax4 ,to seal well1 your wax should be of the finest quality4 ,red wax of a bright scarlet colour is the best4 ,low-priced wax consumes very fast2 and when melted1 looks purplish or brownish4 ,when going to melt sealing-wax1 rest your elbow on the table to keep your hand steady4 ,take the stick of wax between your thumb and finger1 and hold it a little above the light1 so that it barely touches the point of the flame4 ,turn the stick round till it is equally softened on all sides4 ,then insert a little of the melted wax under the turn-over part of the letter1 just where the seal is to come4 ,this will render it more secure than if the sole dependence was on the outside seal4 ,or instead of this little touch of wax1 you may slip beneath the turn-over a small wafer1 either white or of the same colour as the wax4 ,then begin at the outer edge of the place you intend for the seal2 and move the wax in a circle1 which must gradually diminish till it terminates in the centre4 ,put the seal exactly to the middle of the soft wax1 and press it down hard1 but do not screw it round4 ,then withdraw it suddenly4 ,do not use motto seals unless writing to a member of your own family1 or to an intimate friend4 ,for common service1 7and particularly for letters of business17 a plain seal1 with simply your initials1 is best4 ,for a note always use a very small seal4 ,in addressing one of your own family1 it is not necessary to follow scrupulously all these observances4 ,in writing to persons decidedly your inferiors in station1 avoid the probability of mortifying them by sending mean1 ill-looking notes4 ,remember also 7what1 strange to say1 some people calling themselves ladies seem not to know7 that a note commenced in the first person must continue in the first person all through4 ,the same when it begins in the third person4 ,we have heard of invitations to a party being worded thus3-- ,mrs4 ,welford's compliments to ,mrs4 ,marley1 and requests the pleasure of her company on ,thursday evening4 ,yours sincerely1 ,e4 ,,welford4 ,notes of invitation should always designate both the day of the week and that of the month4 ,if that of the month only is specified1 one figure may perhaps be mistaken for another2 for instance1 the #acth may look like the #ahth1 or the #beth like the #bfth4 ,we know instances where1 from this cause1 some of the guests did not come till the night after the party4 ,there are some very sensible people who1 in their invitations1 tell frankly what is to be expected1 and if they really ask but a few friends1 they at once give the names of those friends1 so that you may know whom you are to see4 ,if you are to meet no more than can sit round the tea-table1 they signify the same4 ,if they expect twenty1 thirty1 or forty persons1 they say so--and do not leave you in doubt whether to dress for something very like a party1 or for a mere family tea-drinking4 ,if it is a decided music-party1 by all means specify the same1 that those who have no enjoyment of what is considered fashionable music1 may stay away4 ,always reply to a note of invitation the day after you have received it4 ,to a note on business send an answer the same day4 ,after accepting an invitation1 should any thing occur to prevent your going1 send a second note in due time4 ,do not take offence at a friend because she does not invite you every time she has company4 ,her regard for you may be as warm as ever1 but it is probably inconvenient for her to have more than a certain number at a time4 ,believe that the omission is no evidence of neglect1 or of a desire to offend you2 but rest assured that you are to be invited on other occasions4 ,if you are not1 then indeed you may take it as a hint that she is no longer desirous of continuing the acquaintance4 ,be dignified enough not to call her to account2 but cease visiting her1 without taking her to task and bringing on a quarrel4 ,but if you must quarrel1 let it not be in writing4 ,a paper war is always carried too far1 and produces bitterness of feeling which is seldom entirely eradicated1 even after apologies have been made and accepted4 ,still1 when an offence has been given in writing1 the atonement should be made in writing also4 ,much time is wasted 7particularly by young ladies7 in writing and answering such epistles as are termed letters of friendship1--meaning long documents 7frequently with crossed lines7 filled with regrets at absence1 asseverations of eternal affection1 modest deprecations of your humble self1 and enthusiastic glorifyings of your exalted correspondent2 or else wonderments at both of you being so much alike1 and so very congenial2 and anticipations of rapture at meeting again1 and lamentations at the slow progress of time1 till the extatic hour of re-union shall arrive--the postscript usually containing some confidential allusion to a lover1 7either real or supposed17 and perhaps a kind enquiry about a real or supposed lover of your friend's4 ,now such letters as these are of no manner of use but to foster a sickly1 morbid feeling1 7very often a fictitious one17 and to encourage nonsense1 and destroy all relish for such true friendship as is good and wholesome4 ,a still worse species of voluminous female correspondence is that which turns entirely upon love1 or rather on what are called beaux2 or entirely on hate--for instance1 hatred of step-mothers4 ,this topic is considered the more piquant from its impropriety1 and from its being carried on in secret4 ,then there are young ladies born with the organ of letter-writing amazingly developed1 and increased by perpetual practice1 who can scarcely become acquainted with a gentleman possessing brains1 without volunteering a correspondence with him4 ,and then ensues a long epistolary dialogue about nothing1 or at least nothing worth reading or remembering2 trenching closely on gallantry1 but still not quite that2 affected flippancy on the part of the lady2 and unaffected impertinence on that of the gentleman1 which serves her right--alternating with pretended poutings on her side1 and half or whole-laughing apologies on his4 ,sometimes there are attempts at moralizing1 or criticising1 or sentimentalizing--but nothing is ever elicited that1 to a third person1 can afford the least amusement or improvement1 or excite the least interest4 ,yet1 strange to say1 gentlemen have been inveigled into this sort of correspondence1 even by ladies who have made a business of afterward selling the letters for publication1 and making money out of them4 ,and such epistles have actually been printed4 ,we do not suppose they have been read4 ,the public is very stubborn in refusing to read what neither amuses1 interests1 or improves--even when a publisher is actually so weak as to print such things4 ,no young lady ever engages in a correspondence with a gentleman that is neither her relative or her betrothed1 without eventually lessening herself in his eyes4 ,of this she may rest assured4 ,with some men1 it is even dangerous for a lady to write a note on the commonest subject4 ,he may show the superscription1 or the signature1 or both1 to his idle companions1 and make insinuations much to her disadvantage1 which his comrades will be sure to circulate and exaggerate4 ,above all1 let no lady correspond with a married man1 unless she is obliged to consult him on business2 and from that plain1 straight path let her not diverge4 ,even if the wife sees and reads every letter1 she will1 in all probability1 feel a touch of jealousy1 7or more than a touch17 if she finds that they excite interest in her husband1 or give him pleasure4 ,this will inevitably be the case if the married lady is inferior in intellect to the single one1 and has a lurking consciousness that she is so4 ,having hinted what the correspondence of young ladies ought not to be1 we will try to convey some idea of what it ought4 ,let us premise that there is no danger of any errors in grammar or spelling1 and but few faults of punctuation1 and that the fair writers are aware that a sentence should always conclude with a period or full stop1 to be followed by a capital letter beginning the next sentence2 and that a new paragraph should be allotted to every change of subject1 provided that there is room on the sheet of paper4 ,and still1 it is well to have always at hand a dictionary and a grammar1 in case of unaccountable lapses of memory4 ,however1 persons who have read much1 and read to advantage1 generally find themselves at no loss in orthography1 grammar1 and punctuation4 ,to spell badly is disgraceful in a lady or gentleman1 and it looks as if they had quitted reading as soon as they quitted school4 ,to write a legible and handsome hand is an accomplishment not sufficiently valued4 ,and yet of what importance it is6 ,we are always vexed when we hear people of talent making a sort of boast of the illegibility of their writing1 and relating anecdotes of the difficulty with which it has been read1 and the mistakes made by its decipherers4 ,there are persons who affect bad writing1 and boast of it1 because the worst signatures extant are those of ,shakspeare1 ,bonaparte1 and ,byron4 ,these men were great in spite of their autographs1 not because of them4 ,the caliph ,haroun ,alraschid1 who was well imbued with ,arabic learning1 sent an elegantly written letter to ,charlemagne1 with a splendid cover and seals2 not being aware that the ,european emperor's signature was made by dipping his thumb into the ink and giving a smear--sealing with the hilt of his dagger4 ,the wording of your letter should be as much like conversation as possible1 containing 7in a condensed form7 just what you would be most likely to talk about if you saw your friend4 ,a letter is of no use unless it conveys some information1 excites some interest1 or affords some improvement4 ,it may be handsomely written1 correct in spelling1 punctuation1 and grammar1 and yet stiff and formal in style--affectedly didactic1 and therefore tiresome--or mawkishly sentimental1 and therefore foolish4 ,it may be refined1 or high-flown in words1 but flat and barren in ideas1 containing nothing that a correspondent cares to know4 ,read over each page of your letter1 as you finish it1 to see that there are no errors4 ,if you find any1 correct them carefully4 ,in writing a familiar letter1 a very common fault is tautology1 or a too frequent repetition of the same word--for instance1 ,yesterday ,i received a letter from sister ,mary1 which was the first letter ,i have received from sister since she left4 ,the sentence should be1 ,yesterday ,i received a letter from my sister ,mary1 the first since she left us4 ,unless you are writing to one of your own family1 put always the pronoun my before the word sister4 ,say also--my father1 my mother1 and not father1 mother1 as if they were also the parents of your correspondent4 ,to end the sentence with the word left1 7for departed17 is awkward and unsatisfactory--for instance1 ,it is two days since he left4 ,left what8 ,it is one of the absurd innovations that have crept in among us of late years1 and are supposed to be fashionable4 ,another is the ridiculous way of omitting the possessive ,s in words ending with that letter2 for instance1 ,sims' ,hotel instead of ,sims's ,hotel--,jenkins' ,bakery for ,jenkins's ,bakery4 ,would any one1 in talking1 say they had stayed at ,sims' ,hotel1 or that they bought their bread at ,jenkins' ,bakery4 ,this is ungrammatical1 as it obliterates the possessive case1 and is therefore indefinite2 and moreover1 it looks and sounds awkwardly4 ,many persons who think themselves good grammarians put on their cards ,the ,misses ,brown1--,the ,misses ,smith4 ,those who really are so1 write ,the ,miss ,browns--,the ,miss ,smiths--the plural being always on the substantive1 and never on the adjective4 ,would we say the whites glove instead of the white gloves--or the blues ribbon for the blue ribbons4 ,does any lady in talking say1 ,the two ,misses ,brown called to see me8 ,it is also wrong to say two spoonsful1 instead of two spoonfuls4 ,thus1 two spoonsful of milk seems to imply two separate spoons with milk in each2 while two spoonfuls of milk gives the true idea--one spoon twice filled4 ,avoid in writing1 as in talking1 all words that do not express the true meaning4 ,we are sorry to say that sometimes even among educated people1 when attempting smartness or wit1 we find a sort of conventional slang that has1 in truth1 a strong tinge of vulgarity1 being the wilful substitution of bad words or bad phrases for good ones4 ,when we find them issuing from the lips or the pen of a lady1 we fear she is unfortunate in a reprobate husband1 or brother1 from whom she must have learnt them4 ,yet even reprobates dislike to hear their wives and sisters talking coarsely4 ,unless you know that your correspondent is well versed in ,french1 refrain from interlarding your letters with ,gallic words or phrases4 ,do not introduce long quotations from poetry4 ,three or four lines of verse are sufficient4 ,one line1 or two1 are better still4 ,write them rather smaller than your usual hand1 and leave a space at the beginning and end2 marking their commencement and termination with inverted commas1 thus 4 ,one of our young relatives when seven or eight years old1 tried her hand at story-writing4 ,in finishing the history of a naughty girl1 much addicted to falsehood1 the terminating sentence ran thus3-- ,arabella did not cure herself of this fault2 but when she grew up1 and became an authoress1 she never marked her quotations4 ,if your letter is longer than can be comprised in one sheet1 number the pages1 placing the number near the upper corner4 ,if engaged in a regular correspondence on business or other things1 or in writing from a foreign country to your family at home1 number not only the pages1 but the letter itself1 putting that figure in the centre at the top of the first page4 ,thus1 if your friend1 having received ,no4 #aj1 finds the next letter that comes to hand is ,no4 #ab1 she will know that ,no4 #aa is missing1 and will tell you so in her reply4 ,keep a memorandum of the letters you have sent1 that you may know how to number the next4 ,before commencing a long letter1 it is well to put down on a slip of paper1 a list of the subjects you intend to write on4 ,unless to persons living in the same house1 do not enclose one letter in another4 ,and even then1 it is not always safe to do so4 ,let each letter be transmitted on its own account1 by mail1 with its own full direction1 and its own post-office stamp4 ,we know an instance where the peace of a family was entirely ruined by one of its members suppressing enclosed letters4 ,confide to no one the delivery of an important letter intended for another person4 ,it is better to trust to the mail1 and send a duplicate by the next post4 ,to break the seal of a letter directed to another person is punishable by law4 ,to read secretly the letter of another is morally as felonious4 ,a woman who would act thus meanly is worse than those who apply their eyes or ears to key-holes1 or door-cracks1 or who listen under windows1 or look down from attics upon their neighbours2 or who1 in a dusky parlour1 before the lamps are lighted1 ensconce themselves in a corner1 and give no note of their presence while listening to a conversation not intended for them to hear4 ,we do not conceive that1 unless he authorizes her to do so1 7which he had best not17 a wife is justifiable in opening her husband's letters1 or he in reading hers4 ,neither wife nor husband has any right to entrust to the other the secrets of their friends2 and letters may contain such secrets4 ,unless under extraordinary circumstances1 parents should not consider themselves privileged to inspect the correspondence of grown-up children4 ,brothers and sisters always take care that their epistles shall not be unceremoniously opened by each other4 ,in short1 a letter is the property of the person to whom it is addressed1 and nobody has a right to read it without permission4 ,if you are shown an autograph signature at the bottom of a letter1 be satisfied to look at that only2 and do not open out1 and read the whole--unless desired4 ,some years ago1 in one of our most popular magazines1 were several pages containing fac-simile signatures of a number of distinguished literary women--chiefly ,english4 ,we saw an original letter1 from a lady1 who complained that some mischievous person had taken her magazine out of the post-office before it reached her1 and shamefully scribbled women's names in it1 disfiguring it so as to render it unfit for binding2 therefore she desired the publisher to send her a clean copy in place of it4 ,in putting up packets to send away1 either tie them round and across1 with red tape1 7sealing them also where the tape crosses17 or seal them without any tape4 ,if the paper is strong1 the wax good1 and the contents of the parcel not too heavy1 sealing will in most cases be sufficient4 ,twine or cord may cut the paper1 and therefore is best omitted4 ,never put up a parcel in newspaper4 ,it looks mean and disrespectful1 and will soil the articles inside4 ,keep yourself provided with different sorts and sizes of wrapping-paper4 ,a large packet requires more than one seal2 the seals rather larger than for a letter4 ,put up newspapers1 for transmission1 in thin whitish or brownish paper1 pasting the cover1 and leaving one end open4 ,newspaper-stamps cost but one cent1 and are indispensable to the transmission of the paper4 ,avoid giving letters of introduction to people whose acquaintance cannot possibly afford any pleasure or advantage to those whose civilities are desired for them1 or who have not leisure to attend to strangers4 ,artists1 authors1 and all other persons to whom time is money1 and whose income stops whenever their hands and eyes are unemployed1 are peculiarly annoyed by the frequency of introductory letters1 brought by people with whom they can feel no congeniality1 and whom they never would have sought for4 ,among the children of genius1 but few are in a situation to entertain strangers handsomely1 as it is called1 which means1 expensively4 ,many are kept always in straitened circumstances1 from the incessant demands on their time and attention4 ,and in numerous instances1 letters are asked and given with no better motive than the gratification of idle curiosity4 ,we advise all persons obtaining an introductory letter to a painter1 to ascertain1 before presenting it1 what branch of the art he professes4 ,we have been asked whether a certain artist 7one of the most distinguished in ,london7 painted figures1 flowers1 or landscapes4 ,also1 no one should presume to request an introduction to an authoress1 if they are ignorant whether she writes prose or verse4 ,not that they are expected to talk to her1 immediately1 on literary subjects4 ,far from it2 but if they know nothing of her works1 they deserve no letter4 ,in ,america1 books1 or at least newspapers1 are accessible to all who can read4 ,bores are peculiarly addicted to asking letters of introduction1 in accordance with their system of bestowing their tediousness upon as many people as possible4 ,we pity the kind friends from whom these missives are required1 and who have not courage to refuse1 or address enough to excuse themselves plausibly from complying4 ,we have known instances of stupid1 vulgar persons1 on preparing to visit another city1 obtaining letters to families of the really highest class1 and receiving from them the usual civilities1 which they knew not how to appreciate4 ,on the other hand1 how pleasant it is1 by means of an introductory letter1 to bring together two kindred spirits1 whose personal intercourse must inevitably produce mutual satisfaction1 who are glad to know each other1 glad to meet frequently1 and grateful to the friend who has made them acquainted4 ,letters of introduction should not be sealed4 ,to do so is rude1 and mean4 ,if you wish to write on the same day to the same person1 take another sheet1 write as long an epistle as you please1 seal it1 and send it by mail4 ,it is best to deliver an introductory letter in person1 as the lady or gentleman whose civilities have been requested in your behalf1 may thus be spared the trouble of calling at your lodgings1 with the risk of not finding you at home4 ,this is very likely to happen1 if you send instead of taking it yourself4 ,if you do send it1 enclose a card with your residence4 ,also1 it is more respectful to go yourself1 than to expect them to come to you4 ,as soon as you are shown into the parlour1 send up the letter1 and wait till the receiver comes to you4 ,when a letter is brought to you by a private hand1 the usual ceremony is to defer reading it till the bringer has departed1 unless he desires you to read it at once1 which he will1 if it is evidently a short letter4 ,if a long one1 request him to excuse you a moment while you look at the beginning1 to see if your correspondent is well4 ,on farewell cards1 it is usual to write with a pencil the letters t4 t4 l41 to take leave--or p4 p4 c41 pour prendre conge4 ,a lady complained to us that an acquaintance of hers1 about to leave town1 had left a card for her with p4 d4 a4 upon it4 ,not understanding the meaning of these letters1 she had applied to a friend for explanation1 who told her they meant poor dear adieu4 ,now1 continued she--,i cannot understand why a mere acquaintance should be so familiar as to call me 'poor dear2' why am ,i a poor dear to her8 ,we relieved her by explaining that pour dire adieu was ,french for to bid adieu4 ,to conclude--let nothing induce you to give a letter of introduction to any person whose moral character is disreputable4 ,,footnote3 #ad ,when the name of the state is short1 you may give all the letters that compose it1 as ,maine--,ohio--,iowa--,texas--,utah4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,presents4 ,having accepted a present1 it is your duty1 and ought to be your pleasure1 to let the giver see that you make use of it as intended1 and that it is not thrown away upon you4 ,if it is an article of dress1 or of personal decoration1 take occasion1 on the first suitable opportunity1 to wear it in presence of the giver4 ,if an ornament for the centre-table1 or the mantel-piece1 place it there4 ,if a book1 do not delay reading it4 ,afterward1 speak of it to her as favourably as you can4 ,if of fruit or flowers1 refer to them the next time you see her4 ,in all cases1 when a gift is sent to you1 return a note of thanks2 or at least a verbal message to that effect4 ,never enquire of the giver what was the price of her gift1 or where she bought it4 ,to do so is considered exceedingly rude4 ,when an article is presented to you for a specified purpose1 it is your duty to use it for that purpose1 and for no other1 according to the wish of the donor4 ,it is mean and dishonourable to give away a present2 at least without first obtaining permission from the original giver4 ,you have no right to be liberal or generous at the expense of another1 or to accept a gift with a secret determination to bestow it yourself on somebody else4 ,if it is an article that you do not want1 that you possess already1 or that you cannot use for yourself1 it is best to say so candidly1 at once2 expressing your thanks for the offer1 and requesting your friend to keep it for some other person to whom it will be advantageous4 ,it is fit that the purchaser of the gift should have the pleasure of doing a kindness with her own hand1 and eliciting the gratitude of one whom she knows herself4 ,it is paltry in you to deprive her of this pleasure1 by first accepting a present1 and then secretly giving it away as from yourself4 ,there are instances of women whose circumstances did not allow them to indulge often in delicacies1 that on a present of early fruit1 or some other nice thing being sent to them by a kind friend1 have ostentatiously transferred the gift to a wealthy neighbour1 with a view of having it supposed that they had bought it themselves1 and that to them such things were no rarities4 ,this is contemptible--but it is sometimes done4 ,making a valuable present to a rich person is in most cases1 a work of supererogation2 unless the gift is of something rare or unique1 which cannot be purchased1 and which may be seen and used to more advantage at the house of your friend than while in your own possession4 ,but to give an expensive article of dress1 jewellery1 or furniture to one whose means of buying such things are quite equal 7if not superior7 to your own1 is an absurdity2 though not a very uncommon one1 as society is now constituted4 ,such gifts elicit no real gratitude1 for in all probability1 they may not suit the pampered taste of those to whom fine things are no novelties4 ,or they may be regarded 7however unjustly7 as baits or nets to catch1 in return1 something of still greater cost4 ,there are persons1 who1 believing that presents are generally made with some mercenary view1 and being unwilling themselves to receive favours1 or incur obligations1 make a point of repaying them as soon as possible1 by a gift of something equivalent4 ,this at once implies that they suspect the motive4 ,if sincere in her friendship1 the donor of the first present will feel hurt at being directly paid for it1 and consider that she has been treated rudely1 and unjustly4 ,on the other hand1 if compensation was secretly desired1 and really expected1 she will be disappointed at receiving nothing in return4 ,therefore1 we repeat1 that among persons who can conveniently provide themselves with whatever they may desire1 the bestowal of presents is generally a most unthankful business4 ,if you are in opulent circumstances1 it is best to limit your generosity to such friends only as do not abound in the gifts of fortune1 and whose situation denies them the means of indulging their tastes4 ,by them such acts of kindness will be duly appreciated1 and gratefully remembered2 and the article presented will have a double value1 if it is to them a novelty4 ,gratitude is a very pleasant sensation1 both for those who feel and to those who excite it4 ,no one who confers a favour can say with truth1 that they want no thanks4 ,they always do4 ,we know not why1 when a young lady of fortune is going to be married1 her friends should all be expected to present her with bridal gifts4 ,it is a custom that sometimes bears heavily on those whose condition allows them but little to spare4 ,and from that little it may be very hard for them to squeeze out enough to purchase some superfluous ornament1 or some bauble for a centre-table1 when it is already glittering with the gifts of the opulent2--gifts lavished on one who is really in no need of such things2 and whose marriage confers no benefit on any one but herself4 ,why should she be rewarded for gratifying her own inclination in marrying the man of her choice8 ,now that it is fashionable to display all the wedding-gifts arranged in due form on tables1 and labelled with the names of the donors1 the seeming necessity of giving something expensive1 or at least elegant1 has become more onerous than ever4 ,for instance1 poor ,miss ,cassin can barely afford a simple brooch that costs about five dollars2 but she strains the utmost capacity of her slender purse to buy one at ten dollars1 that it may not disgrace the brilliant assemblage of jewellery that glitters on the bridal table of her wealthy friend ,miss ,denham4 ,and after all1 she finds that her modest little trinket looks really contemptible beside the diamond pin given by ,mrs4 ,farley the millionaire4 ,after all1 she sees no one notice it1 and hears no one say that it is even neat and pretty4 ,to be sure1 the bride1 when it was sent with a note on the preceding day1 did vouchsafe a polite answer4 ,but then1 if poor ,miss ,c4 does not make a wedding present to rich ,miss ,d41 it might be supposed that ,miss ,c4 cannot afford it4 ,neither she can4 ,and her making the effort elicits perhaps some satirical remarks1 that would be very mortifying to ,miss ,cassin if she heard them4 ,we repeat1 that we cannot exactly perceive why1 when the union of a couple of lovers1 in many cases1 adds to the happiness1 honour1 and glory of the married pair alone1 their friends should think it a duty to levy on themselves these contributions2 so often inconvenient to the givers1 and not much cared for by the receivers4 ,when the young couple are not abounding in what are called the goods of this world1 the case is altered2 and it may then be an act of real kindness for the opulent friends of the bride to present her with any handsome article of dress1 or of furniture1 that they think will be acceptable4 ,what we contend is1 that on a marriage in a wealthy family1 the making of presents should be confined to the immediate relatives of the lady1 and only to such of them as can well afford it4 ,much of the money wasted in making ostentatious gifts to brides whose fathers have already given them a splendid outfit1 might be far better employed1 in assisting to purchase the trousseaus and the furniture of deserving young women in humble life1 on their marriage with respectable tradesmen or mechanics4 ,how many ladies of fortune have it in their power to do this--yet how seldom it is done6 ,at christenings1 it is fortunately the sponsors only that are expected to make gifts to the infant4 ,therefore1 invite no persons as sponsors1 who cannot well afford this expense2 unless you are sufficiently intimate to request them1 privately1 not to comply with the custom2 being unwilling that they should cause themselves inconvenience by doing so4 ,the presentation of ,christmas and ,new-,year's gifts is often a severe tax on persons with whom money is not plenty4 ,it would be well if it were the universal custom to expect and receive no presents from any but the rich4 ,in making gifts to children1 choose for them only such things as will afford them somewhat of lasting amusement4 ,for boys1 kites1 tops1 balls1 marbles1 wheelbarrows1 carts1 gardening utensils1 and carpenter's tools1 c4 ,showy toys1 that are merely to look at1 and from which they can derive no enjoyment but in breaking them to pieces1 are not worth buying4 ,little girls delight in little tea-sets1 and dinner-sets1 in which they can make feasts1 miniature kitchen-utensils1 to play at cooking1 washing1 c42 and dolls so dressed that all the clothes can be taken off and put on at pleasure4 ,they soon grow tired of a doll whose glittering habiliments are sewed fast upon her4 ,a wax doll in elegant attire is too precarious and expensive a plaything to make them happy2 as they are always afraid of injuring her4 ,we knew a little girl for whom a magnificent wax doll1 splendidly dressed1 was brought from ,france2 and for an hour she was highly delighted4 ,but next morning she was found still more happy in carrying about her favourite baby1 a sofa-pillow1 with an old shawl pinned round it for a frock2 feeling perfect freedom to toss it about as she pleased4 ,children like their doll-babies to be very substantial1 and rather heavy than light4 ,a large1 well-made rag-doll is for a small child far better than any other--occasionally putting a clean new face upon it4 ,we have seen country children perfectly satisfied with a doll that was nothing but a hard ear of ,indian corn1 arrayed in a coarse towel pinned round it4 ,a little farm-house boy1 of three years old1 made a pet of a large squash1 which he dressed in a pocket-handkerchief1 and called ,phebe ,ann4 ,we heard him say1 as he passed his hand over its lumpy neck1 ,poor ,phebe ,ann6 what hives she has6 ,to an intelligent child1 no gifts are so valuable as entertaining books--provided they really are entertaining4 ,children are generally wise enough to prefer an amusing book in a plain cover1 to a dull one shining with gold4 ,when children are able to read fluently1 they lose much of their desire for mere picture-books4 ,if the cuts are badly executed1 and give ugly1 disagreeable ideas of the characters in the stories1 they only trouble and annoy the little readers1 instead of pleasing them4 ,some of the most popular juvenile books have no pictures inside1 and no gilding outside4 ,bad engravings1 7beside uselessly enhancing the price17 spoil the taste of the children4 ,we highly recommend to the publishers of juvenile books to omit the cuts entirely1 if they cannot afford very good ones4 ,many children have better judgment in these things than their parents suppose2 and some of them more than the parents themselves4 ,children have less enjoyment than is supposed in being taken to shops to choose gifts for themselves1 or even in laying out their own money4 ,it is always a long time before they can decide on what to buy1 and as soon as they have fixed upon one thing1 they immediately see something they like better4 ,and often1 after getting home1 they are dissatisfied with their choice1 and sorry they bought it4 ,also1 they frequently wear out the patience of the shopkeepers2 being desirous of seeing every thing1 and pondering so long before they can determine on buying any thing4 ,it is every way better to go to the shops without them1 buy what you think proper1 and then give them an agreeable surprise by the presentation4 ,young ladies should be careful how they accept presents from gentlemen4 ,no truly modest and dignified woman will incur such obligations4 ,and no gentleman who really respects her will offer her any thing more than a bouquet1 a book1 one or two autographs of distinguished persons1 or a few relics or mementos of memorable places--things that derive their chief value from associations4 ,but to present a young lady with articles of jewellery1 or of dress1 or with a costly ornament for the centre-table1 7unless she is his affianced wife17 ought to be regarded as an offence1 rather than a compliment1 excusable only in a man sadly ignorant of the refinements of society4 ,and if he is so1 she should set him right1 and civilly1 but firmly1 refuse to be his debtor4 ,yet1 we are sorry to say1 that there are ladies so rapacious1 and so mean1 that they are not ashamed to give broad hints to gentlemen1 7particularly those gentlemen who are either very young or very old17 regarding certain beautiful card-cases1 bracelets1 essence-bottles1 c4 which they have seen and admired1--even going so far as to fall in love with elegant shawls1 scarfs1 splendid fans1 and embroidered handkerchiefs4 ,and their admiration is so violent1 and so reiterated1 that the gentleman knows not how to resist2 he therefore puts them in possession of a gift far too costly for any woman of delicacy to accept4 ,in such cases1 the father or mother of the young lady should oblige her to return the present4 ,this has been done4 ,there are ladies who keep themselves supplied with certain articles of finery1 7for instance1 white kid gloves17 by laying ridiculous wagers with gentlemen1 knowing that1 whether winning or losing1 the gentleman1 out of gallantry1 always pays4 ,no lady should ever lay wagers1 even with one of her own sex4 ,it is foolish and unfeminine--and no man likes her any the better for indulging in the practice4 ,some young ladies1 who profess a sort of daughterly regard for certain wealthy old gentlemen1 are so kind as to knit purses or work slippers for them1 or some other nick-nacks1 7provided always that the dear old man has a character for generosity17 for they know that he will reward them by a handsome present of some bijou of real value4 ,and yet they may be assured that the kind old gentleman 7whom they mind no more than if he was their pa7 sees through the whole plan1 knows why the purse was knit1 or the slippers worked1 and esteems the kind young lady accordingly4 ,another1 and highly reprehensible way of extorting a gift1 is to have what is called a philopena with a gentleman4 ,this very silly joke is when a young lady1 in cracking almonds1 chances to find two kernels in one shell2 she shares them with a beau2 which ever first calls out philopena1 on their next meeting1 is entitled to receive a present from the other2 and she is to remind him of it till he remembers to comply4 ,so much nonsense is often talked on the occasion1 that it seems to expand into something of importance2 and the gentleman thinks he can do no less1 than purchase for the lady something very elegant1 or valuable2 particularly if he has heard her tell of the munificence of other beaux in their philopenas4 ,there is great want of delicacy and self-respect in philopenaism1 and no lady who has a proper sense of her dignity as a lady will engage in any thing of the sort4 ,in presenting a dress to a friend whose circumstances are not so affluent as your own1 and who you know will gladly receive it1 select one of excellent quality1 and of a colour that you think she will like4 ,she will feel mortified1 if you give her one that is low-priced1 flimsy1 and of an unbecoming tint4 ,get an ample quantity1 so as to allow a piece to be cut off and laid by for a new body and sleeves1 when necessary4 ,and to make the gift complete1 buy linen for the body-lining2 stiff1 glazed muslin for the facings2 buttons1 sewing-silk1 and whatever else may be wanted4 ,this will save her the cost of these things4 ,when you give a dress to a poor woman1 it is far better to buy for her a substantial new one1 than to bestow on her an old thin gown of your own4 ,the poor have little leisure to sew for themselves2 and second-hand fine clothes last them but a very short time before they are fit only for the rag-bag4 ,if you are going to have a party1 and among your very intimate friends is one whose circumstances will not permit her to incur the expense of buying a handsome new dress for the occasion1 and if she has no choice but to stay away1 or to appear in a costume very inferior to that of the other ladies1 you may 7if you can well afford it7 obviate this difficulty by presenting her with a proper dress-pattern1 and other accessories4 ,this may be managed anonymously1 but it will be better to do it with her knowledge4 ,it will be a very gratifying mark of your friendship2 and she ought to consider it as such1 and not refuse it from a feeling of false pride4 ,of course1 it will be kept a secret from all but yourselves4 ,in the overflow of gratitude she may speak of it to others1 but for you to mention it would be ungenerous and indelicate in the extreme4 ,we are glad to say that ladies of fortune often make gifts of party-dresses to their less-favoured friends4 ,in sending a present1 always pay in advance the expense of transmitting it1 so that it may cost nothing at all to the receiver4 ,you may send by the ,mail a package of any size1 weighing not more than four pounds1 paying the postage yourself at the office from whence it goes4 ,it will then be delivered at the door of your friend1 without further charge4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,conversation4 ,conversation is the verbal interchange of thoughts and feelings4 ,to form a perfect conversationist1 many qualifications are requisite4 ,there must be knowledge of the world1 knowledge of books1 and a facility of imparting that knowledge2 together with originality1 memory1 an intuitive perception of what is best to say1 and best to omit1 good taste1 good temper1 and good manners4 ,an agreeable and instructive talker has the faculty of going from gay to grave1 from lively to serene1 without any apparent effort2 neither skimming so slightly over a variety of topics as to leave no impression of any1 or dwelling so long upon one subject as to weary the attention of the hearers4 ,persons labouring under a monomania1 such as absorbs their whole mind into one prevailing idea1 are never pleasant or impressive talkers4 ,they defeat their own purpose by recurring to it perpetually1 and rendering it a perpetual fatigue4 ,a good talker should cultivate a temperance in talking2 so as not to talk too much1 to the exclusion of other good talkers4 ,conversation is dialogue1 not monologue4 ,it was said of ,madame de ,stael that she did not converse1 but delivered orations4 ,to be a perfect conversationist1 a good voice is indispensable--a voice that is clear1 distinct1 and silver-toned4 ,if you find that you have a habit of speaking too low1 reform it altogether4 ,it is a bad one2 and will render your talk unintelligible4 ,few things are more delightful than for one intelligent and well-stored mind to find itself in company with a kindred spirit--each understanding the other1 catching every idea1 and comprehending every allusion4 ,such persons will become as intimate in half an hour1 as if they had been personally acquainted for years4 ,on the other hand1 the pleasure of society is much lessened by the habit in which many persons indulge1 of placing themselves always in the opposition1 controverting every opinion1 and doubting every fact4 ,they talk to you as a lawyer examines a witness at the bar2 trying to catch you in some discrepancy that will invalidate your testimony2 fixing their scrutinizing eyes upon your face as if they would look you through1 and scarcely permitting you to say1 ,it is a fine day1 without making you prove your words4 ,such people are never popular4 ,nobody likes perpetual contradiction1 especially when the subject of argument is of little or no consequence4 ,in young people this dogmatic practice is generally based upon vanity and impertinence4 ,in the old it is prompted by pride and selfishness4 ,we doubt if in the present day the talk and manners of ,johnson would have been tolerated in really good society4 ,unless he first refers to it himself1 never talk to a gentleman concerning his profession2 at least do not question him about it4 ,for instance1 you must not expect a physician to tell you how his patients are affected1 or to confide to you any particulars of their maladies4 ,these are subjects that he will discuss only with their relatives1 or their nurses4 ,it is also very improper to ask a lawyer about his clients1 or the cases in which he is employed4 ,a clergyman does not like always to be talking about the church4 ,a merchant1 when away from his counting-house1 has no wish to engage in business-talk with ladies2 and a mechanic is ever willing to leave the shop behind him4 ,every ,american is to be supposed capable of conversing on miscellaneous subjects2 and he considers it no compliment to be treated as if he knew nothing but what the ,scotch call his bread-winner4 ,still1 there are some few individuals who like to talk of their bread-winner4 ,if you perceive this disposition1 indulge them1 and listen attentively4 ,you will learn something useful1 and worth remembering4 ,women who have begun the world in humble life1 and have been necessitated to give most of their attention to household affairs1 are generally very shy in talking of housewifery1 after their husbands have become rich1 and are living in style1 as it is called4 ,therefore1 do not annoy them by questions on domestic economy4 ,but converse as if they had been ladies always4 ,lord ,erskine1 having lived a bachelor to an advanced age1 finally married his cook1 by way of securing her services1 as she had frequently threatened to leave him4 ,after she became ,lady ,erskine she lost all knowledge of cookery1 and it was a mortal affront to hint the possibility of her knowing how any sort of eatable should be prepared for the table4 ,never remind any one of the time when their situation was less genteel1 or less affluent than at present1 or tell them that you remember their living in a small house1 or in a remote street4 ,if they have not moral courage to talk of such things themselves1 it is rude in you to make any allusion to them4 ,on the other hand1 if invited to a fashionable house1 and to meet fashionable company1 it is not the time or place for you to set forth the comparative obscurity of your own origin1 by way of showing that you are not proud4 ,if you are not proud1 it is most likely that your entertainers may be1 and they will not be pleased at your ultra-magnanimity in thus lowering yourself before their aristocratic guests4 ,these communications should be reserved for tete-a-tetes with old or familiar friends1 who have no more pride than yourself4 ,when listening to a circumstance that is stated to have actually occurred to the relater1 even if it strikes you as being very extraordinary1 and not in conformity to your own experience1 it is rude to reply1 ,such a thing never happened to me4 ,it is rude because it seems to imply a doubt of the narrator's veracity2 and it is foolish1 because its not having happened to you is no proof that it could not have happened to any body else4 ,slowness in belief is sometimes an evidence of ignorance1 rather than of knowledge4 ,people who have read but little1 travelled but little1 and seen but little of the world out of their own immediate circle1 and whose intellect is too obtuse to desire any new accession to their own small stock of ideas1 are apt to think that nothing can be true unless it has fallen under their own limited experience4 ,also1 they may be so circumstanced that nothing in the least out of the common way is likely to disturb the still water of their pond-like existence4 ,a certain ,english nobleman always listens incredulously when he hears any person descanting on the inconveniences of travelling on the continent1 and relating instances of bad accommodations and bad fare2 uncomfortable vehicles1 and uncomfortable inns2 the short beds and narrow sheets of ,germany2 the slow and lumbering diligence-riding of ,france2 the garlicky stews of ,spain with a feline foundation2 the little vine-twig fires in the chilly winters of ,northern ,italy2 and various other ills1 which the flesh of travellers is heir to2--the duke always saying1 ,now really ,i never experienced any of these discomforts1 much as ,i have traversed the continent4 ,none of these inconveniences ever come in my way4 ,and how should they1 when1 being a man of enormous wealth1 he always travels with a cavalcade of carriages2 a retinue of servants2 a wagon-load of bedding and other furniture2 a cook1 with cooking-utensils1 and lots of luxurious eatables to be cooked at stopping-places--his body-coach 7as it is called7 being a horse-drawn palace4 ,what inconveniences can possibly happen to him8 ,when you hear a gentleman speak in praise of a lady whom you do not think deserving of his commendations1 you will gain nothing by attempting to undeceive him2 particularly if she is handsome4 ,your dissenting from his opinion he will1 in all probability1 impute to envy1 or ill-nature2 and therefore the only impression you can make will be against yourself4 ,even if you have reason to dislike the lady1 recollect that few are without some good points both of person and character4 ,and it will be much better for you to pass over her faults in silence1 and agree with him in commending what is really commendable about her4 ,what he would1 perhaps1 believe implicitly if told to him by a man1 he would attribute entirely to jealousy1 or to a love of detraction if related by a woman4 ,above all1 if a gentleman descants on the beauty of a lady1 and in your own mind you do not coincide with his opinion1 refrain1 on your part1 from criticizing invidiously her face and figure1 and do not say that though her complexion may be fine1 her features are not regular2 that her nose is too small1 or her eyes too large1 or her mouth too wide4 ,still less disclose to him the secret of her wearing false hair1 artificial teeth1 or tinging her cheeks with rouge4 ,if she is a bold1 forward woman1 he will find that out as soon as yourself1 and sooner too1--and you may be sure that though he may amuse himself by talking and flirting with her1 he in reality regards her as she deserves4 ,if a foreigner chances1 in your presence1 to make an unfavourable remark upon some custom or habit peculiar to your country1 do not immediately take fire and resent it2 for1 perhaps1 upon reflection1 you may find that he is right1 or nearly so4 ,all countries have their national character1 and no character is perfect1 whether that of a nation or an individual4 ,if you know that the stranger has imbibed an erroneous impression1 you may calmly1 and in a few words1 endeavour to convince him of it4 ,but if he shows an unwillingness to be convinced1 and tells you that what he has said he heard from good authority2 or that1 before he came to ,america1 his mind was made up1 it will be worse than useless for you to continue the argument4 ,therefore change the subject1 or turn and address your conversation to some one else4 ,lady ,morgan's ,duchess of ,belmont very properly checks ,o',donnell for his ultra-nationality1 and advises him not to be always running a tilt with every ,englishman he talks to1 continually seeming as if ready with the war-cry of ,st4 ,patrick for ,ireland1 against ,st4 ,george for ,england4 ,dr4 ,johnson was speaking of ,scotland with his usual severity1 when a ,caledonian who was present1 started up1 and called out1 ,sir1 ,i was born in ,scotland4 ,very well1 sir1 said the cynic calmly1 ,i do not see why so small a circumstance should make any change in the national character4 ,english strangers complain 7and with reason7 of the ,american practice of imposing on their credulity1 by giving them false and exaggerated accounts of certain things peculiar to this country1 and telling them1 as truths1 stories that are absolute impossibilities2 the amusement being to see how the ,john ,bulls swallow these absurdities4 ,even ,general ,washington diverted himself by mystifying ,weld the ,english traveller1 who complained to him at ,mount ,vernon of musquitoes so large and fierce that they bit through his cloth coat4 ,those are nothing1 said ,washington1 to musquitoes ,i have met with1 that bite through a thick leather boot4 ,weld expressed his astonishment1 7as well he might27 and1 when he put out a book1 inserted the story of the boot-piercing insects1 which he said must be true1 as he had it from no less a person than ,general ,washington4 ,it is a work of supererogation to furnish falsehoods for ,british travellers4 ,they can manufacture them fast enough4 ,also1 it is ungenerous thus to sport with their ignorance1 and betray them into ridiculous caricatures1 which they present to the ,english world in good faith4 ,we hope these tricks are not played upon any of the best class of ,european travel-writers4 ,when in ,europe1 7in ,england particularly17 be not over sensitive as to remarks that may be made on your own country2 and do not expect every one around you to keep perpetually in mind that you are an ,american2 nor require that they should guard every word1 and keep a constant check on their conversation1 lest they should chance to offend your republican feelings4 ,the ,english1 as they become better acquainted with ,america1 regard us with more favour1 and are fast getting rid of their old prejudices1 and opening their eyes as to the advantages to be derived from cultivating our friendship instead of provoking our enmity4 ,they have1 at last1 all learnt that our language is theirs1 and they no longer compliment newly-arrived ,americans on speaking ,english quite well4 ,it is not many years since two young ladies from one of our ,western ,states1 being at a party at a very fashionable mansion in ,london1 were requested by the lady of the house to talk a little ,american2 several of her guests being desirous of hearing a specimen of that language4 ,one of the young ladies mischievously giving a hint to the other1 they commenced a conversation in what school-girls call gibberish2 and the listeners1 when they had finished1 gave various opinions on the ,american tongue1 some pronouncing it very soft1 and rather musical2 others could not help saying candidly that they found it rather harsh4 ,but all agreed that it resembled no language they had heard before4 ,there is no doubt that by the masses1 better ,english is spoken in ,america than in ,england4 ,however an ,englishman or an ,englishwoman may boast of their intimacy with the nobility and gentry1 there is one infallible rule by which the falsehood of these pretensions may be detected4 ,and that is in the misuse of the letter ,h1 putting it where it should not be1 and omitting it where it should4 ,this unaccountable practice prevails1 more or less1 in all parts of ,england1 but is unknown in ,scotland and ,ireland4 ,it is never found but among the middle and lower classes1 and by polished and well-educated people is as much laughed at in ,england as it is with us4 ,a relative of ours being in a stationer's shop in ,st4 ,paul's ,church ,yard1 7the street surrounding the cathedral17 heard the stationer call his boy1 and tell him to go and take the babby out1 and give him a hairing--the babby having had no hair for a week4 ,we have heard an ,englishman talk of taking an ouse that should have an ot water pipe1 and a hoven4 ,the same man asked a young lady if she had eels on her boots4 ,we heard an ,englishwoman tell a servant to bring the arth brush1 and sweep up the hashes4 ,another assured us that the ,american ladies were quite hignorant of hetiquette4 ,we have actually seen a ridiculous bill sent seriously by a ,yorkshireman who kept a livery-stable in ,philadelphia4 ,the items were1 verbatim-- ,d4 ,c4 anosafada #b #ej takinonimome #j #cg ,no reader can possibly guess this--so we will explain that the first line1 in which all the words run into one1 signifies ,an orse af a day1--or ,a horse half a day4 ,the second line means takin on im ome1--or ,taking of him home4 ,english travellers are justly severe on the tobacco-chewing and spitting1 that though exploded in the best society1 is still too prevalent among the million4 ,all ,american ladies can speak feelingly on this subject1 for they suffer from it in various ways4 ,first1 the sickening disgust without which they cannot witness the act of expectoration performed before their faces4 ,next1 the danger of tobacco-saliva falling on their dresses in the street1 or while travelling in steamers and rail-cars4 ,then the necessity of walking through the abomination when leaving those conveyances2 treading in it with their shoes2 and wiping it up with the hems of their gowns4 ,we know an instance of the crown of a lady's white-silk bonnet being bespattered with tobacco-juice1 by a man spitting out of a window in one of the ,new ,york hotels4 ,a lady on the second seat of a box at the ,chestnut-street theatre1 found1 when she went home1 the back of her pelisse entirely spoilt1 by some man behind not having succeeded in trying to spit past her--or perhaps he did not try4 ,why should ladies endure all this1 that men may indulge in a vulgar and deleterious practice1 pernicious to their own health1 and which they cannot acquire without going through a seasoning of disgust and nausea8 ,it is very unmannerly when a person begins to relate a circumstance or an anecdote1 to stop them short by saying1 ,i have heard it before4 ,still worse1 to say you do not wish to hear it at all4 ,there are people who set themselves against listening to any thing that can possibly excite melancholy or painful feelings2 and profess to hear nothing that may give them a sad or unpleasant sensation4 ,those who have so much tenderness for themselves1 have usually but little tenderness for others4 ,it is impossible to go through the world with perpetual sunshine over head1 and unfading flowers under foot4 ,clouds will gather in the brightest sky1 and weeds choke up the fairest primroses and violets4 ,and we should all endeavour to prepare ourselves for these changes1 by listening with sympathy to the manner in which they have affected others4 ,no person of good feelings1 good manners1 or true refinement1 will entertain their friends with minute descriptions of sickening horrors1 such as barbarous executions1 revolting punishments1 or inhuman cruelties perpetrated on animals4 ,we have never heard an officer dilate on the dreadful spectacle of a battlefield2 a scene of which no description can ever present an adequate idea2 and which no painter has ever exhibited in all its shocking and disgusting details4 ,physicians do not talk of the dissecting-room4 ,unless you are speaking to a physician1 and are interested in a patient he is attending1 refrain in conversation from entering into the particulars of revolting diseases1 such as scrofula1 ulcers1 cutaneous afflictions1 c4 and discuss no terrible operations--especially at table4 ,there are women who seem to delight in dwelling on such disagreeable topics4 ,if you are attending the sick-bed of a friend1 and are called down to a visiter1 speak of her illness with delicacy1 and do not disclose all the unpleasant circumstances connected with it2 things which it would grieve her to know1 may1 if once told1 be circulated among married women1 and by them repeated to their husbands4 ,in truth1 upon most occasions1 a married woman is not a safe confidant4 ,she will assuredly tell every thing to her husband2 and in all probability to his mother and sisters also--that is1 every thing concerning her friends--always1 perhaps1 under a strict injunction of secrecy4 ,but a secret entrusted to more than two or three persons1 is soon diffused throughout the whole community4 ,a man of some humour was to read aloud a deed4 ,he commenced with the words1 ,know one woman by these presents4 ,he was interrupted1 and asked why he changed the words1 which were in the usual form1 ,know all men by these presents4 ,oh6 said he1 'tis very certain that all men will soon know it1 if one woman does4 ,generally speaking1 it is injudicious for ladies to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political or financial topics4 ,all the information that a woman can possibly acquire or remember on these subjects is so small1 in comparison with the knowledge of men1 that the discussion will not elevate them in the opinion of masculine minds4 ,still1 it is well for a woman to desire enlightenment1 that she may comprehend something of these discussions1 when she hears them from the other sex2 therefore let her listen as understandingly as she can1 but refrain from controversy and argument on such topics as the grasp of a female mind is seldom capable of seizing or retaining4 ,men are very intolerant toward women who are prone to contradiction and contention1 when the talk is of things considered out of their sphere2 but very indulgent toward a modest and attentive listener1 who only asks questions for the sake of information4 ,men like to dispense knowledge2 but few of them believe that in departments exclusively their own1 they can profit much by the suggestions of women4 ,it is true there are and have been women who have distinguished themselves greatly in the higher branches of science and literature1 and on whom the light of genius has clearly descended4 ,but can the annals of woman produce a female ,shakspeare1 a female ,milton1 a ,goldsmith1 a ,campbell1 or a ,scott8 ,what woman has painted like ,raphael or ,titian1 or like the best artists of our own times8 ,mrs4 ,darner and ,mrs4 ,siddons had a talent for sculpture2 so had ,marie of ,orleans1 the accomplished daughter of ,louis ,philippe4 ,yet what are the productions of these talented ladies compared to those of ,thorwaldsen1 ,canova1 ,chantrey1 and the master chisels of the great ,american statuaries4 ,women have been excellent musicians1 and have made fortunes by their voices4 ,but is there among them a ,mozart1 a ,bellini1 a ,michael ,kelly1 an ,auber1 a ,boieldieu8 ,has a woman made an improvement on steam-engines1 or on any thing connected with the mechanic arts8 ,and yet these things have been done by men of no early education--by self-taught men4 ,a good tailor fits1 cuts out1 and sews better than the most celebrated female dress-maker4 ,a good man-cook far excels a good woman-cook4 ,whatever may be their merits as assistants1 women are rarely found who are very successful at the head of any establishment that requires energy and originality of mind4 ,men make fortunes1 women make livings4 ,and none make poorer livings than those who waste their time1 and bore their friends1 by writing and lecturing upon the equality of the sexes1 and what they call ,women's ,rights4 ,how is it that most of these ladies live separately from their husbands2 either despising them1 or being despised by them8 ,truth is1 the female sex is really as inferior to the male in vigour of mind as in strength of body2 and all arguments to the contrary are founded on a few anomalies1 or based on theories that can never be reduced to practice4 ,because there was a ,joan of ,arc1 and an ,augustina of ,saragossa1 should females expose themselves to all the dangers and terrors of the battle-field's dreadful array4 ,the women of the ,american ,revolution effected much good to their country's cause1 without encroaching upon the province of its brave defenders4 ,they were faithful and patriotic2 but they left the conduct of that tremendous struggle to abler heads1 stronger arms1 and sterner hearts4 ,we envy not the female who can look unmoved upon physical horrors--even the sickening horrors of the dissecting-room4 ,yet women are endowed with power to meet misfortune with fortitude2 to endure pain with patience2 to resign themselves calmly1 piously1 and hopefully to the last awful change that awaits every created being2 to hazard their own lives for those that they love2 to toil cheerfully and industriously for the support of their orphan children1 or their aged parents2 to watch with untiring tenderness the sick-bed of a friend1 or even of a stranger2 to limit their own expenses and their own pleasures1 that they may have something to bestow on deserving objects of charity2 to smooth the ruggedness of man2 to soften his asperities of temper2 to refine his manners2 to make his home a happy one2 and to improve the minds and hearts of their children4 ,all this women can--and do4 ,and this is their true mission4 ,in talking with a stranger1 if the conversation should turn toward sectarian religion1 enquire to what church he belongs2 and then mention your own church4 ,this1 among people of good sense and good manners1 and we may add of true piety1 will preclude all danger of remarks being made on either side which may be painful to either party4 ,happily we live in a land of universal toleration1 where all religions are equal in the sight of the law and the government2 and where no text is more powerful and more universally received than the wise and incontrovertible words--,by their fruits ye shall know them4 ,he that acts well is a good man1 and a religious man1 at whatever altar he may worship4 ,he that acts ill is a bad man1 and has no true sense of religion2 no matter how punctual his attendance at church1 if of that church he is an unworthy member4 ,ostentatious sanctimony may deceive man1 but it cannot deceive ,god4 ,on this earth there are many roads to heaven2 and each traveller supposes his own to be the best4 ,but they must all unite in one road at the last4 ,it is only ,omniscience that can decide4 ,and it will then be found that no sect is excluded because of its faith2 or if its members have acted honestly and conscientiously according to the lights they had1 and molesting no one for believing in the tenets of a different church4 ,the religion of ,jesus1 as our ,saviour left it to us1 was one of peace and good-will to men1 and of unlimited faith in the wisdom and goodness1 and power and majesty of ,god4 ,it is not for a frail human being to place limits to his mercy1 and say what church is the only true one--and the only one that leads to salvation4 ,let all men keep in mind this self-evident truth--,he can't be wrong whose life is in the right2 and try to act up to the ,divine command of doing unto all men as you would they should do unto you4 ,in ,america1 no religious person of good sense or good manners ever attempts1 in company1 to controvert1 uncalled for1 the sectarian opinions of another4 ,no clergyman that is a gentleman1 7and they all are so1 or ought to be17 ever will make the drawing-room an arena for religious disputation1 or will offer a single deprecatory remark1 on finding the person with whom he is conversing to be a member of a church essentially differing from his own4 ,and if clergymen have that forbearance1 it is doubly presumptuous for a woman1 7perhaps a silly young girl17 to take such a liberty4 ,fools rush in1 where angels fear to tread4 ,nothing is more apt to defeat even a good purpose than the mistaken and ill-judged zeal of those that are not competent to understand it in all its bearings4 ,truly does the ,scripture tell us--,there is a time for all things4 ,we know an instance of a young lady at a ball attempting violently to make a proselyte of a gentleman of twice her age1 a man of strong sense and high moral character1 whose church 7of which he was a sincere member7 differed materially from her own4 ,after listening awhile1 he told her that a ball-room was no place for such discussions1 and made his bow and left her4 ,at another party we saw a young girl going round among the matrons1 and trying to bring them all to a confession of faith4 ,religion is too sacred a subject for discussion at balls and parties4 ,if you find that an intimate friend has a leaning toward the church in which you worship1 first ascertain truly if her parents have no objection1 and then1 but not else1 you may be justified in inducing her to adopt your opinions4 ,still1 in most cases1 it is best not to interfere4 ,in giving your opinion of a new book1 a picture1 or a piece of music1 when conversing with a distinguished author1 an artist or a musician1 say modestly1 that so it appears to you--that it has given you pleasure1 or the contrary4 ,but do not positively and dogmatically assert that it is good1 or that it is bad4 ,the person with whom you are talking is1 in all probability1 a far more competent judge than yourself2 therefore1 listen attentively1 and he may correct your opinion1 and set you right4 ,if he fail to convince you1 remain silent1 or change the subject4 ,vulgar ladies have often a way of saying1 when disputing on the merits of a thing they are incapable of understanding1 ,any how1 ,i like it1 or1 ,it is quite good enough for me4--,which is no proof of its being good enough for any body else4 ,in being asked your candid opinion of a person1 be very cautious to whom you confide that opinion2 for if repeated as yours1 it may lead to unpleasant consequences4 ,it is only to an intimate and long-tried friend that you may safely entrust certain things1 which if known1 might produce mischief4 ,even very intimate friends are not always to be trusted1 and when they have actually told something that they heard under the injunction of secrecy1 they will consider it a sufficient atonement to say1 ,indeed ,i did not mean to tell it1 but somehow it slipped out2 or1 ,i really intended to guard the secret faithfully1 but ,i was so questioned and cross-examined1 and bewildered1 that ,i knew not how to answer without disclosing enough to make them guess the whole4 ,i am very sorry1 and will try to be more cautious in future4 ,but these slips of the tongue will happen4 ,the lady whose confidence has been thus betrayed1 should be more cautious in future1 and put no farther trust in she of the slippery tongue--giving her up1 entirely1 as unworthy of farther friendship4 ,no circumstances will induce an honourable and right-minded woman to reveal a secret after promising secrecy4 ,but she should refuse being made the depository of any extraordinary fact which it may be wrong to conceal1 and wrong to disclose4 ,we can scarcely find words sufficiently strong to contemn the heinous practice1 so prevalent with low-minded people1 of repeating to their friends whatever they hear to their disadvantage4 ,by low-minded people1 we do not exclusively mean persons of low station4 ,the low-minded are not always born in a garret1 in a kitchen bred4 ,unhappily1 there are 7so-called7 ladies--ladies of fortune and fashion--who will descend to meannesses of which the higher ranks ought to be considered incapable1 and who1 without compunction1 will wantonly lacerate the feelings and mortify the self-love of those whom they call their friends1 telling them what has been said about them by other friends4 ,it is sometimes said of a notorious tatler and mischief-maker1 that she has1 notwithstanding1 a good heart4 ,how is this possible1 when it is her pastime to scatter dissension1 ill-feeling1 and unhappiness among all whom she calls her friends8 ,she may1 perhaps1 give alms to beggars1 or belong to sewing circles1 or to ,bible societies1 or be officious in visiting the sick4 ,all this is meritorious1 and it is well if there is some good in her4 ,but if she violates the charities of social life1 and takes a malignant pleasure in giving pain1 and causing trouble--depend on it1 her show of benevolence is mere ostentation1 and her acts of kindness spring not from the heart4 ,she will convert the sewing circle into a scandal circle4 ,if she is assiduous in visiting her sick friends1 she will turn to the worst account1 particulars she may thus acquire of the sanctities of private life and the humiliating mysteries of the sick-chamber4 ,if indeed it can be possible that tatling and mischief-making may be only 7as is sometimes alleged7 a bad habit1 proceeding from an inability to govern the tongue--shame on those who have allowed themselves to acquire such a habit1 and who make no effort to subdue it1 or who have encouraged it in their children1 and perhaps set them the example4 ,if you are so unfortunate as to know one of these pests of society1 get rid of her acquaintance as soon as you can4 ,if allowed to go on1 she will infallibly bring you into some difficulty1 if not into disgrace4 ,if she begins by telling you--,i had a hard battle to fight in your behalf last evening at ,mrs4 ,morley's4 ,miss ,jewson1 whom you believe to be one of your best friends1 said some very severe things about you1 which1 to my surprise1 were echoed by ,miss ,warden1 who said she knew them to be true4 ,but ,i contradicted them warmly4 ,still they would not be convinced1 and said ,i must be blind and deaf not to know better4 ,how very hard it is to distinguish those who love from those who hate us6 ,instead of encouraging the mischief-maker to relate the particulars1 and explain exactly what these severe things really were1 the true and dignified course should be to say as calmly as you can--,i consider no person my friend1 who comes to tell such things as must give me pain and mortification1 and lessen my regard for those ,i have hitherto esteemed1 and in whose society ,i have found pleasure4 ,i have always liked ,miss ,jewson and ,miss ,warden1 and am sorry to hear that they do not like me4 ,still1 as ,i am not certain of the exact truth1 7being in no place where ,i could myself overhear the discussion17 it will make no difference in my behaviour to those young ladies4 ,and now then we will change the subject1 never to resume it4 ,my true friends do not bring me such tales4 ,by-the-bye1 tatlers are always listeners1 and are frequently the atrocious writers of anonymous letters1 for which they should be expelled from society4 ,let it be remembered that all who are capable of detailing unpleasant truths1 7such as can answer no purpose but to produce bad feeling1 and undying enmity17 are likewise capable of exaggerating and misrepresenting facts1 that do not seem quite strong enough to excite much indignation4 ,tale-bearing always leads to lying4 ,she who begins with the first of these vices1 soon arrives at the second4 ,some prelude these atrocious communications with--,i think it my duty to tell how ,miss ,jackson and ,mrs4 ,wilson talk about you1 for it is right that you should know your friends from your enemies4 ,you listen1 believe1 and from that time become the enemy of ,miss ,jackson and ,mrs4 ,wilson--having too much pride to investigate the truth1 and learn what they really said4 ,others will commence with--,i'm a plain-spoken woman1 and consider it right1 for your own sake1 to inform you that since your return from ,europe1 you talk quite too much of your travels4 ,you endeavour to defend yourself from this accusation1 by replying that having seen much when abroad1 it is perfectly natural that you should allude to what you have seen4 ,oh6 but there should be moderation in all things4 ,to be candid--your friend ,mrs4 ,willet says she is tired of hearing of ,france and ,italy4 ,why then does she always try to get a seat next to me1 and ask me to tell her something more of those countries8 ,well1 ,i don't know4 ,people are so deceitful6 ,there is ,mr4 ,liddard1 who says you bore him to death with talking about ,england4 ,and yet whenever ,i do talk about ,england1 ,i always find him at the back of my chair4 ,and when ,i pause1 he draws me on to say more4 ,men are such flatterers6 ,well1 ,i always tell the plain truth4 ,so it is best you should know ,colonel ,greenfield declares that since your return from ,europe you are absolutely intolerable4 ,excuse my telling you these things4 ,it is only to show that every body else thinks just as ,i do4 ,mrs4 ,gray says it is a pity you ever crossed the ,atlantic4 ,do not excuse her--but drop her acquaintance as soon as you can1 without coming to a quarrel1 in which case you will most probably get the worst4 ,a plain-spoken woman is always to be dreaded4 ,her cold-blooded affectation of frankness is only a pretext to introduce something that will wound your feelings2 and then she will tell you that ,mrs4 ,a4 ,b4 ,c4 and ,d41 and ,mr4 ,e4 and ,mr4 ,f4 also1 have said a hundred times that you are a woman of violent temper1 and cannot listen to advice without flying into a passion4 ,and she will quietly take her leave1 informing you that she is your best friend1 and that all she has said was entirely for your own good1 and that she shall continue to admonish you whenever she sees occasion4 ,a plain-spoken woman will tell you that you were thought to look very ill at ,mrs4 ,thomson's party1 your dress being rather in bad taste2 that you ought to give up singing in company1 your best friends saying that your style is now a little old-fashioned2 that you should not attempt talking ,french to ,french ladies1 as ,mr4 ,leroux and ,mr4 ,dufond say that your ,french is not quite ,parisian1 c4 c4 ,she will say these things upon no authority but her own4 ,when any one prefaces an enquiry by the vulgarism1 ,if it is a fair question8 you may be very certain that the question is a most unfair one--that is1 a question which it is impertinent to ask1 and of no consequence whatever to the asker4 ,if a person begins by telling you1 ,do not be offended at what ,i am going to say1 prepare yourself for something that she knows will certainly offend you4 ,but as she has given you notice1 try to listen1 and answer with calmness4 ,it is a delicate and thankless business to tell a friend of her faults1 unless you are certain that1 in return1 you can bear without anger to hear her point out your own4 ,she will undoubtedly recriminate4 ,it is not true that an irritable temper cannot be controlled4 ,it can1 and is1 whenever the worldly interest of the enragee depends on its suppression4 ,frederick the ,great severely reprimanded a ,prussian officer for striking a soldier at a review4 ,i could not refrain1 said the officer4 ,i have a high temper1 your majesty1 and ,i cannot avoid showing it1 when ,i see a man looking sternly at me4 ,yes1 you can1 replied the king4 ,i am looking sternly at you1 and ,i am giving you ten times as much cause of offence as that poor soldier--yet you do not strike me4 ,a naturally irritable disposition can always be tamed down1 by a strong and persevering effort to subdue it1 and by determining always to check it on its first approaches to passion4 ,the indulgence of temper renders a man 7and still more a woman7 the dread and shame of the whole house4 ,it wears out the affection of husbands1 wives1 and children--of brothers and sisters2 destroys friendship2 disturbs the enjoyment of social intercourse2 causes incessant changing of servants2 and is a constant source of misery to that most unhappy of all classes1 poor relations4 ,that a violent temper is generally accompanied by a good heart1 is a popular fallacy4 ,on the contrary1 the indulgence of it hardens the heart4 ,and even if its ebullitions are always succeeded by compunctious visitings1 and followed by apologies and expressions of regret1 still it leaves wounds that time cannot always efface1 and which we may forgive1 but cannot forget4 ,ill-tempered women are very apt to call themselves nervous1 and to attribute their violent fits of passion to a weakness of the nerves4 ,this is not true4 ,a real nervous affection shows itself more in sorrow than in anger1 producing tears1 tremor1 and head-ache1 fears without adequate cause1 and general depression of spirits--the feelings becoming tender to a fault4 ,when a woman abandons herself to terrible fits of anger with little or no cause1 and makes herself a frightful spectacle1 by turning white with rage1 rolling up her eyes1 drawing in her lips1 gritting her teeth1 clenching her hands1 and stamping her feet1 depend on it1 she is not of a nervous1 but of a furious temperament4 ,a looking-glass held before her1 to let her see what a shocking object she has made herself1 would1 we think1 have an excellent effect4 ,we have seen but a few females in this revolting state1 and only three of them were ladies--but we have heard of many4 ,when the paroxysm is over1 all the atonement she can make is to apologize humbly1 and to pray contritely4 ,if she has really any goodness of heart1 and any true sense of religion1 she will do this promptly1 and prove her sincerity by being very kind to those whom she has outraged and insulted--and whose best course during these fits of fury is to make no answer1 or to leave the room4 ,as out of nothing1 nothing can come1 to be a good conversationist1 you must have a well-stored mind1 originality of ideas1 and a retentive memory4 ,without making a lumber-room of your head1 and stuffing it with all manner of useless and unnecessary things not worth retaining1 you should select only such as are useful or ornamental1 interesting or amusing4 ,your talk must flow as if spontaneously2 one subject suggesting another1 none being dwelt upon too long4 ,anecdotes may be introduced with much effect4 ,they should be short1 and related in such words as will give them the most point4 ,we have heard the same anecdote told by two persons4 ,with one it became prosy and tiresome1 and the point was not perceptible from its being smothered in ill-chosen words4 ,with the other narrator1 the anecdote was all light and spirit2 soon told1 and not soon forgotten4 ,brevity is the soul of wit1 and wit is the soul of anecdote4 ,and where wit is wanting1 humour is an excellent substitute4 ,every body likes to laugh1 or ought to4 ,yet there is a time for all things2 and after listening to a serious or interesting incident well related1 it is exceedingly annoying to hear some silly and heartless girl follow it with a ridiculous remark1 intended to be funny--such as ,quite solemncolly6--or1 ,we are all getting into the doldrums4 ,you may chance to find yourself in a company where no one is capable of appreciating the best sort of conversation1 and where to be understood1 or indeed to keep them awake1 you must talk down to the capacities of your hearers4 ,you must manage this adroitly1 or they may find you out1 and be offended4 ,so1 after all1 it is1 perhaps1 safest to go on and scatter pearls where wax beads would be equally valued4 ,only in such society1 do not introduce quotations from the poets1 especially from ,shakspeare1 or your hearers may wonder what queer words you are saying4 ,another time1 and with congenial companions1 you can indulge in the feast of reason1 and the flow of soul4 ,if placed beside a lady so taciturn that no effort on your part can draw her out1 or elicit more than a monosyllable1 and that only at long intervals1 you may safely conclude that there is nothing in her1 and leave her to her own dullness1 or to be enlivened by the approach of one of the other sex4 ,that will make her talk4 ,few persons are good talkers who are not extensive and miscellaneous readers4 ,you cannot attentively read the best authors without obtaining a great command of words1 so that you can always1 with ease and fluency1 clothe your ideas in appropriate language4 ,knowledge is of course the basis of conversation--the root whose deepened strength and vigour gives life to the tree1 multiplicity to its branches1 and beauty to its foliage4 ,much that is bad and foolish in women would have no existence if their minds were less barren4 ,in a waste field1 worthless and bitter weeds will spring up which it is hard to eradicate2 while a soil that is judiciously cultivated produces abundant grain1 luxuriant grass1 and beautiful flowers4 ,there are ladies so exceedingly satisfied with themselves1 and so desirous of being thought the special favourites of ,providence1 that they are always desiring to hold out an idea that pain and sorrow can come not near them1 and that they enjoy a happy exemption from all the ills that flesh is heir to4 ,they complain of nothing1 for they profess to have nothing to complain of4 ,they feel not the cold of winter1 nor the heat of summer4 ,the temperature is always exactly what they like4 ,to them the street is never muddy with rain1 nor slippery with ice4 ,unwholesome food agrees perfectly with them4 ,they sleep soundly in bad beds1 or rather no beds are bad4 ,travelling never fatigues them4 ,nobody imposes on them1 nobody offends them4 ,other people may be ill--they are always in good health and spirits4 ,to them all books are delightful--all pictures beautiful--all music charming4 ,other people may have trouble with their children--they have none4 ,other people may have bad servants--theirs are always excellent4 ,now if all this were true1 the lot of such persons would indeed be enviable1 and we should endeavour to learn by what process such complete felicity has been attained--and why they see every thing through such a roseate medium4 ,but it is not true4 ,this is all overweening vanity1 and a desire to set themselves up above the rest of the world4 ,we have always noticed that these over-fortunate1 over-happy women have1 in reality1 a discontented1 care-worn look1 resulting from the incessant painful effort to seem what they are not4 ,and if any body will take the trouble1 it is very easy to catch them in discrepancies and contradictions4 ,but it is not polite to do so4 ,therefore let them pass4 ,as mothers are always on the qui vive1 7and very naturally17 be careful what you say of their children4 ,unless he is a decidedly handsome man1 you may give offence by remarking1 ,the boy is the very image of his father4 ,if the mother is a vain woman1 she would much rather hear that all the children are the very image of herself4 ,refrain from praising too much the children of another family1 particularly if the two sets of children are cousins4 ,it is often dangerous to tell a mother that little ,willy is growing quite handsome4 ,she will probably answer1 ,i had hoped my child was handsome always4 ,with some mothers it is especially imprudent to remark that little ,mary looks like her aunt1 or her grandmother4 ,again1 if you prudently say nothing about the looks of the little dears1 you may be suspected and perhaps accused of taking no interest in children4 ,young ladies1 when in presence of gentlemen1 are too apt to go on the other extreme1 and over-act their parts1 in the excessive fondling and kissing and hugging of children not in the least engaging1 or even good-looking4 ,we cannot believe that any female1 not the mother1 can really fall into raptures with a cross1 ugly child4 ,but how pleasant it is to play with and amuse1 an intelligent1 affectionate1 and good-tempered little thing1 to hear its innocent sayings1 and to see the first buddings of its infant mind4 ,when you are visiting another city1 and receiving civilities from some of its inhabitants1 it is an ill requital for their attentions to disparage their place1 and glorify your own4 ,in every town there is something to praise2 and in large cities there is a great deal to amuse1 to interest1 and to give pleasure4 ,yet there are travellers who 7like ,smelfungus7 are never satisfied with the place they are in--who exclaim all the time against the east winds of ,boston1 the sea-air of ,new ,york1 the summer heats of ,philadelphia1 the hilly streets of ,baltimore1 and the dusty avenues of ,washington4 ,we have heard people from ,new ,orleans call ,philadelphia the hottest city in the ,union1 and people from ,quebec call it the coldest4 ,if there are two successive days of rain1 then poor ,philadelphia is the rainiest of all places4 ,if it snows twice in two weeks1 then it is the snowiest4 ,if a fire breaks out1 it is the city of fires4 ,if there is an ,irish fight in ,moyamensing1 it is the city of perpetual riots4 ,by-the-bye1 after that summer when we really had several successive riots up-town1 and down-town1 we saw an ,english caricature of the ,city of ,brotherly ,love1 where the spirit of ,william ,penn1 in hat and wig1 was looking down sadly from the clouds at the rioters1 who were all represented as ,quakers1 in strait1 plain clothes1 and broad brims1 knocking each other about with sticks and stones1 firing pistols1 and slashing with bowie-knives4 ,alas1 poor ,quakers6 how guiltless ye were of all this6 ,it is a common belief in ,england1 that of this sect are all the people of ,pennsylvania4 ,in talking to an elderly lady1 it is justly considered very rude to make any allusion to her age2 even if she is unmistakeably an old woman1 and acknowledges it herself4 ,for instance1 do not say--,this silk of yours is very suitable for an elderly person--or--,will you take this chair8--an old lady like you will find it very comfortable--or--,look1 baby--is not that grandma8--or--,i told the servant to attend first to you1 on account of your age--or--,children1 don't make such a noise--have you no respect for old people8 ,all this we have heard4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,incorrect ,,words4 ,every one who sees much of the world must observe with pain and surprise various unaccountable instances of improper and incorrect words that sometimes disfigure the phraseology of females who have gone through a course of fashionable education1 and mixed in what is really genteel society4 ,these instances1 it is true1 are becoming every day more rare2 but we regret that they should exist at all4 ,early impressions are hard to eradicate4 ,bad habits of speaking are formed in childhood3 sometimes from the society of illiterate parents1 but more frequently from that of nurses and servants2 and if not corrected or shaken off in due time1 will cling like burrs to the diction of women who are really ladies in every thing else4 ,such women will say that there1 and this here--them girls--them boys--,i don't want no more--,i didn't hear nothing about it--,i didn't see nobody there--,i won't do so no more4 ,and other similar violations of grammar2 and grammar is never more palpably outraged than when two negatives are used for an affirmative4 ,it is surely shorter and easier to say1 ,i want no more--,i heard nothing about it--,i saw nobody there--,i will do so no more4 ,another grammatical error1 less glaring1 but equally incorrect1 is the too common practice of converting a certainty into an uncertainty by saying1 ,i have no doubt but he was there4 ,as if his being there was your only doubt4 ,you should say1 ,i have no doubt of his being there4 ,i have no doubt but that he wrote it1 seems to signify that you do doubt his writing it1 and that you are nearly sure he did not4 ,the proper phrase is1 ,i have no doubt of his writing it4 ,i do not doubt but that she knew it long ago1 implies that you do doubt her having known it4 ,it should be1 ,i do not doubt her knowing it long ago4 ,leave out but1 when you talk of doubting4 ,no word is proper that does not express the true meaning4 ,for instance1 it is not right to call a township a town4 ,a township is a section of land that may consist entirely of forests and farms1 and may not comprise even a small village or hamlet4 ,a town resembles a city in being closely built up with streets of adjoining houses4 ,men cannot go fishing or hunting in a town1 though they may in a township4 ,we are surprised to find this misapplication of the word among some of the most distinguished of the ,new-,england literati4 ,perhaps it explains ,jonathan's perplexity in one of the old ,yankee ,doodle songs3 ,he said he couldn't see the town1 ,there were so many houses4 ,we hope it is not necessary to caution our readers against the most provincial of ,yankee provincialisms1 such as1 ,i hadn't ought1 or ,i shouldn't ought--or ,it warn't1 instead of ,it was not--or the exclamations1 ,do tell6 or ,i want to know1 ejaculated as a token of surprise the moment after you have told1 and made known4 ,the common ,english habit1 or rather a habit of the common ,english1 of using continually the words you know1 and you know1 is very tiresome1 particularly when they are talking of something that you cannot possibly be acquainted with4 ,check them by saying1 ,no1 ,i do not know4 ,they also make great use of the word monstrous--ugly as that word is4 ,do not imitate them in saying that you are monstrous glad1 or monstrous sorry1 or monstrous tired1 or that a young lady is monstrous pretty4 ,we have heard even monstrous little4 ,we advise our ,new-,england friends to eschew1 both in speaking and writing1 all ,yankee phrases that do not convey the exact meaning of the words4 ,for instance1 to turn out the tea1 instead of to pour it out4 ,there can be no turn given1 in this process1 to the spout or handle of the tea-pot4 ,on the contrary1 it cannot pour well unless it is held straight4 ,to cut the eggs1 instead of to beat them4 ,the motion of beating eggs does not cut them4 ,braiding eggs1 is still worse4 ,but we believe that this braiding is not the same as cutting4 ,what is it8 ,two young officers were travelling in the far ,west when they stopped to take supper at a small road-side tavern1 kept by a very rough ,yankee woman4 ,the landlady1 in a calico sun-bonnet1 and bare feet1 stood at the head of the table to pour out4 ,she enquired of her guests1 if they chose long sweetening1 or short sweetening in their coffee4 ,the first officer1 supposing that long sweetening meant a large portion of that article1 chose it accordingly4 ,what was his dismay when he saw their hostess dip her finger deep down into an earthen jar of honey that stood near her1 and then stir it 7the finger7 round in the coffee4 ,his companion1 seeing this1 preferred short sweetening4 ,upon which the woman picked up a large lump of maple sugar that lay in a brown paper on the floor beside her1 and biting off a piece1 put it into his cup4 ,both the gentlemen dispensed with coffee that evening4 ,this anecdote we heard from the sister of one of those officers4 ,emptyings is not a good name for yeast4 ,up chamber1 up garret1 down cellar1 are all wrong4 ,why not say1 up in the chamber1 up in the garret1 down in the kitchen1 down in the cellar c48 ,why should a mirthful fit of laughter be called a gale8 ,last evening we were all in such a gale6 ,snow and ice are not the same4 ,therefore a snowball should not be called an ice-ball1 which latter might be a very dangerous missile4 ,pincushions are pincushions1 and not pin-balls1 unless they are of a globular shape4 ,if in the form of hearts1 diamonds1 c41 they are not balls4 ,when you are greatly fatigued1 say so--and not that you are almost beat out4 ,when the ,yankees are beat out1 the ,english are quite knocked up4 ,the ,english are starved with cold--,americans only starve with hunger4 ,they may perish with cold2 but unless hunger is added1 they will not starve4 ,it is wrong to say that certain articles of food are healthy or unhealthy4 ,wholesome and unwholesome are the right words4 ,a pig may be healthy or unhealthy while alive2 but after he is killed and becomes pork1 he can enjoy no health1 and suffer no sickness4 ,if you have been accustomed to pronounce the word does as doos1 get rid of the custom as soon as you can4 ,also1 give up saying pint for point1 jint for joint1 anint for anoint1 c4 ,above all1 cease saying featur1 creatur1 natur1 and raptur4 ,in ,new ,england it is not uncommon to hear the word ugly applied to a bad temper4 ,we have heard1 ,he will never do for president1 because he is so ugly4 ,on our observing that we had always considered the gentleman in question1 as rather a handsome man1 it was explained that he was considered ugly in disposition4 ,a ,british traveller1 walking one day in a suburb of ,boston1 saw a woman out on a door-step whipping a screaming child4 ,good woman1 said the stranger1 why do you whip that boy so severely8 ,she answered1 ,i will whip him1 because he is so ugly4 ,the ,englishman walked on2 but put down in his journal that ,american mothers are so cruel as to beat their children1 merely because they are not handsome4 ,no genteel ,bostonian should call ,faneuil ,hall1 ,old ,funnel1 or talk of the ,quinsey market1 instead of ,quincy1 or speak of ,bacon street1 or ,bacon ,hill4 ,that place was so called from a beacon1 or signal-pole with a light at the top1 and never was particularly celebrated for the pickling and smoking of pork4 ,the word slump1 or slumped1 has too coarse a sound to be used by a lady4 ,when you have exchanged one article for another1 say so1 and not that you have traded it4 ,do not say1 ,i should admire to read that book1 ,i should admire to hear that song1 ,i should admire to see the president4 ,substitute1 ,i should like to read that book1 ,i should like to hear that song1 ,i should like to see the president4 ,using the word love instead of like is not peculiar to the ladies of any section of the ,union4 ,but they may assure themselves it is wrong to talk of loving any thing that is eatable4 ,they may like terrapins1 oysters1 chicken-salad1 or ice-cream2 but they need not love terrapins or oysters1 or love chicken-salad4 ,we remember1 in the farce of ,modern ,antiques1 laughing at an awkward servant-girl bringing in a dish of salad to a supper-table1 before the company had assembled1 and1 after taking a large bite1 turning her foolish face toward the audience1 and saying1 ,i loves beet-root4 ,even if you are a provincial ,new-,yorker1 give up calling the door-step or porch by the ancient ,dutch name of stoop1 7stoep17 and do not talk of going out on the stoop1 or sitting in the stoop4 ,when a load of wood or coal is put down at your door1 say not that it is dumped4 ,never speak of visiting friends that live to ,brooklyn1 or live to ,newark4 ,they live at those places1 not to them4 ,the word muss sounds badly1 when a young lady says1 her scarf is mussed1 or her collar is mussed--or that her bureau drawers are all in a muss4 ,the ,english synonyme1 mess1 has rather a better sound4 ,be it also remembered that a stool is not a bench4 ,a bench holds several people1 a stool but one4 ,when you mean that an article of dress 7a bonnet or a cap7 is neat and pretty1 do not say that it is cunning4 ,an inanimate object cannot be cunning4 ,to be cunning requires some mind4 ,we are sorry to say that we have heard females who1 when they intend to be witty1 talk of taking a snooze1 7which means a nap17 and speak of a comic anecdote as being rich1 and of a man in faded clothes as looking seedy4 ,we have heard ,philadelphia ladies speak of a great big house1 or a great big ship2 and there are still some who expect what has already come to pass--as1 ,i expect it rained somewhere last night--,i expect she arrived yesterday--,i expect he went to ,baltimore4 ,in all these cases the proper term is ,i suppose1 and not ,i expect4 ,the word mayhap 7instead of perhaps7 is a positive vulgarism4 ,it is of ,english origin1 but is only used in ,england by very low people--and by ,english writers1 never4 ,we have little tolerance for young ladies1 who1 having in reality neither wit nor humour1 set up for both1 and having nothing of the right stock to go upon1 substitute coarseness and impertinence1 7not to say impudence17 and try to excite laughter1 and attract the attention of gentlemen1 by talking slang4 ,where do they get it8 ,how do they pick it up8 ,from low newspapers1 or from vulgar books8 ,surely not from low companions8 ,we have heard one of these ladies1 when her collar chanced to be pinned awry1 say that it was put on drunk--also that her bonnet was drunk1 meaning crooked on her head4 ,when disconcerted1 she was floored4 ,when submitting to do a thing unwillingly1 she was brought to the scratch4 ,sometimes she did things on the sly4 ,she talked of a certain great vocalist singing like a beast4 ,she believed it very smart and piquant to use these vile expressions4 ,it is true1 when at parties1 she always had half a dozen gentlemen about her2 their curiosity being excited as to what she would say next4 ,and yet she was a woman of many good qualities2 and one who boasted of having always lived in society4 ,we think that gentlemen lose a particle of their respect for young ladies who allow their names to be abbreviated into such cognomens as ,kate1 ,madge1 ,bess1 ,nell1 c4 ,surely it is more lady-like to be called ,catharine1 ,margaret1 ,eliza1 or ,ellen4 ,we have heard the beautiful name ,virginia degraded into ,jinny2 and ,harriet called ,hatty1 or even ,hadge4 ,a very silly practice has been introduced of writing ,sally1 ,sallie--,fanny1 ,fannie--,mary1 ,marie--,abby1 ,abbie1 c4 ,what would our grand-parents have thought of ,pollie1 ,mollie1 ,peggie1 ,kittie1 ,nancie8 ,suppose young men were to adopt it1 and sign themselves1 ,sammie1 ,billie1 ,dickie1 ,tommie1 c46 ,by-the-bye1 unless he is a relation1 let no young lady address a gentleman by his ,christian name4 ,it is a familiarity which he will not like4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,borrowing4 ,any article you are likely to want on more than one occasion1 it is better to buy than to borrow4 ,if your own1 you can have it always at hand3 you will lay yourself under no obligation to a lender1 and incur no responsibility as to its safety while in your possession4 ,but when you do borrow1 see that the article is speedily returned4 ,and1 under no consideration1 take the liberty of lending it to any person whatever1 before restoring it to the owner4 ,apologies and expressions of regret are no compensation1 should it be out of your power to replace it if injured or lost4 ,when you ask to borrow a thing1 do not say1 ,will you loan it to me8 ,the word loan is1 by good talkers1 and good writers1 never used but as a substantive3 notwithstanding that ,johnson gives it as a verb also1 but only on one obscure authority--and ,johnson is not now regarded as infallible4 ,to lend1 not to loan1 is the usual and proper expression4 ,as a substantive it is generally employed in a commercial and political sense1 or to denote a large sum borrowed for a public and important purpose4 ,it is true you can say1 ,may ,i request the loan of your fan8 ,will you permit me to ask the loan of this book8 ,but it is much easier and smoother to say simply1 ,will you lend me your fan for a few minutes8 ,will you be kind enough to lend me this book8 ,no articles1 perhaps1 are more frequently borrowed than umbrellas1 and none are returned with so little punctuality4 ,frequently1 a borrowed umbrella is never thought of by the borrower1 till after the weather clears up2 the lender1 most probably1 suffering inconvenience for want of it4 ,often it is detained till the next rain1 when the lender has to take the trouble of sending for it4 ,and then it is very possible it may not be found at all2 some person in the mean time having nefariously carried it off4 ,in such a case1 it is a matter of common honesty for the careless borrower to replace that umbrella with a new one2 as she is not to suppose that empty expressions of regret or unmeaning apologies will be sufficient compensation for a substantial loss4 ,to avoid any difficulties concerning umbrellas1 it is safest1 in cloudy weather1 not to leave home without one4 ,many persons venture out beneath a threatening sky1 unwilling to encumber themselves with an umbrella1 which 7possibly7 they may not chance to require before they got home4 ,their dependance is on stopping in at the house of a friend1 and borrowing one there4 ,but is it not better to incommode yourself a little by carrying a closed umbrella1 even if you should not find occasion to use it1 than to hasten rapidly through the street to reach a shelter when you find the rain beginning to drop2 and afterwards to deprive your friend1 even temporarily1 of an article which the wet weather may render it inconvenient to spare4 ,also1 you may be caught by a sudden shower1 at a considerable distance from the dwelling of the person with whom you are acquainted1 and you may find the omnibuses all full1 7as they generally are when it rains17 and no other vehicle in sight4 ,therefore1 when the wind is in a rainy quarter1 and the sky louring1 be always on the safe side1 and take an umbrella with you on leaving home4 ,every lady should own a small light umbrella1 or else a very large parasol1 of extra size1 covered with strong ,india silk that will not easily tear or fade1 and that may be used1 on occasion1 for either sun or rain2 and that will not be cumbrous to carry1 though quite large enough to shelter one person4 ,in truth1 we have found but few umbrellas1 however large1 that could effectually cover two persons 7unless they were people of very small size7 so that the rain did not drop upon the off-shoulder of one or the other4 ,you cannot be well screened by an umbrella1 unless you carry it all the time steadily in your own hands1 and over yourself alone4 ,and politeness requires that you should give your companion the best of the shelter4 ,so when two ladies go out together1 the clouds portending rain1 let each take an umbrella for herself1 and then much injury to bonnets and shawls may be avoided4 ,these small light umbrellas are excellent to travel with1 and especially useful in the transit from car to steamboat1 or even from the house to the carriage4 ,when not in actual service1 keep this umbrella beside you with your shawl and your travelling satchel4 ,it will be useful during the journey1 if packed away in a trunk4#ae ,when you purchase an umbrella1 desire that1 before sending it home1 your name be engraved on the little plate at the termination of the handle1 or else on the slide4 ,to make assurance doubly sure1 you may get the name painted in full in small white or yellow letters on the inside of one of the gores of silk4 ,these letters will not be conspicuous on the outside1 but they will always serve to identify the umbrella4 ,your residence 7if permanent7 may be added4 ,when about to travel1 sew a small card with your address near the bottom of one of the gores inside4 ,this card may be changed when staying at a new place4 ,with these precautions1 and a little care1 7unless you are habitually thoughtless and forgetful17 you may carry an umbrella from ,maine to ,florida without losing it4 ,all the members of a family should be provided with at least one rain-umbrella of their own1 and these should be kept up-stairs when not likely to be wanted4 ,there is always great danger of their being purloined1 or borrowed1 if left in the hall4 ,persons who would not1 for the world1 be known to pilfer a single cent1 are by no means particular with regard to detaining an umbrella or a book4 ,umbrellas for the kitchen can now be had as low as seventy-five cents1 or one dollar4 ,if of coloured cotton 7brown or blue7 and highly glazed1 they will turn off a moderate rain very well1 but a drenching shower may cause the dye or colouring to run in streams4 ,for very common use1 though higher in price1 the best are of oil-cloth1 or of brown unbleached linen4 ,the handsomest umbrellas are of blue or brown ,india silk1 with steel frames1 and a small silver name-plate on the handle4 ,a green silk umbrella will soon be spoiled by the rain1 and none look so badly in a short time4 ,we have known a lady's bonnet entirely ruined by the drippings from a green parasol1 hastily put up as a small screen from a sudden shower4 ,no colour stands the sun and damp so badly as green4 ,after borrowing an umbrella1 fail not to send it back immediately1 unless you have previously ascertained from the owner that it will not be wanted for two or three hours4 ,in that case1 you will have time to dry it before it goes home2 and this should be done as soon as possible1 that it may be returned in good order4 ,if left in the entry or hall1 it may be carried off2 or1 in plain words1 stolen4 ,let it be dried under your own inspection1 spreading it wide open1 and standing it on the floor4 ,if dried fast1 and in an expanded position1 the wetting will not perceptibly injure it4 ,but if left shut and standing up closed1 with the wet soaking into the umbrella1 it will dry in discoloured streaks1 and be spoiled4 ,if the spring or any other part of a borrowed umbrella gets broken or injured while in your possession1 be sure to have it repaired before sending home4 ,there is a meanness verging on dishonesty in leaving this to be done by the owner4 ,if the cheap or common umbrellas are given up to the care of the domestics1 and kept in the kitchen1 in all probability they will soon disappear altogether1 and be no longer forthcoming when wanted4 ,they will lend them to their friends1 and lose them in various ways4 ,the umbrellas should be kept in some small room or closet up-stairs2 and when required1 the servants should come and ask for them2 bringing them back when done with1 and dried4 ,when you go out to tea1 even in a summer evening1 carry a shawl on your arm to throw over your shoulders before coming out into the night-air4 ,this will preclude the necessity of borrowing one of your friend1 should the weather have changed and grown cooler4 ,also1 to prevent any risk from damp pavements1 take with you a pair of over-shoes1 7,india-rubber1 of course17 or else a pair of inside-soles1 such as you can conveniently slip into your pocket4 ,we have found no inside-soles equal to those of lamb-skin with the wool left on the upper-side2 the under-side of the skin being coated with ,india-rubber varnish to render them water-proof4 ,these soles are both warm and dry1 and are far pleasanter than cork soles covered with flannel1 and more lasting4 ,but if you are obliged to borrow things to wear home1 see that they are sent back next morning1 if not the same evening1 and in good order--the shawl well-dried from the damp1 and folded smoothly1 and the over-shoes cleaned nicely4 ,always take a fan with you on going to a place of public amusement4 ,you will be sure to require it1 and it is better than to depend on fanning yourself with the bill or programme1 or borrowing the fan of a more provident friend1 and perhaps forgetting to return it4 ,with regard to the practice of borrowing articles of household use1 it is generally a custom more honoured in the breach than the observance1 particularly when living in a place where all such things can be easily obtained by sending to the shops4 ,there are persons who1 with ample means of providing themselves with all that is necessary for domestic service1 are continually troubling their neighbours for the loan of a hammer1 a screw-driver1 a gimlet1 a carpet-stretcher1 a bed-stead screw1 a fluting-iron1 a preserving kettle1 jelly-moulds1 ice-cream freezers1 c4 c4 ,if these or any other articles must be borrowed1 let them be returned promptly1 and in good order4 ,if1 in consequence of the unexpected arrival of company1 any thing for the table is borrowed of a neighbour1 such as tea1 coffee1 butter1 c41 see that it is punctually returned2 equal in quantity1 and in quality2 or rather superior4 ,habitual borrowers are very apt to forget this piece of honesty1 either neglecting to return the things at all1 or meanly substituting inferior articles--or perhaps laying themselves under such an imputation without actually deserving it1 should the lender be ill-natured or untruthful4 ,there is a homely proverb1 ,to go a-borrowing is to go a-sorrowing4 ,we have been told of a very aristocratic but very economical lady1 in one of our large cities1 who was in the almost daily practice of borrowing things of a neighbour to whom she never condescended to speak4 ,on one occasion she borrowed the use of that neighbour's fire to roast a pair of fowls4 ,avoid borrowing change1 or small sums4 ,it is possible that you may really forget to repay them2 but then it is also possible that you may be suspected of forgetting wilfully4 ,so do not trust much to your memory4 ,it is a true remark1 that there are few instances of a borrower being so oblivious as to offer twice over the return of a small loan1 forgetting that it had been paid already4 ,in borrowing a dress as a pattern1 it is safest not to try it upon yourself1 lest some part of the body should be stretched or frayed4 ,also1 in trying on a bonnet or cap that is not your own1 refrain from tying the strings2 as every tying will give them additional wrinkles or rumples1 and perhaps somewhat soil them4 ,never put on another person's gloves4 ,should you be staying at a boarding-house1 do not depend on the lady in the next room1 or any other lady1 to lend you things which you can procure quite as easily as she can4 ,keep yourself always provided with pen1 ink1 and paper1 envelopes1 wafers1 sealing-wax1 pencils1 post-office stamps1 c4 ,also with sewing implements4 ,when a friend lends you a handkerchief1 a collar1 or any other washable article1 see that it is nicely washed1 and done up1 before returning it to her1--and do so promptly4 ,if an article of jewellery1 carry it back to her yourself1 and put it into her own hand1 to preclude all risk of loss4 ,she will not be so ungenerous as to tell any person that she has lent it to you2 and will for a while afterward1 refrain from wearing it herself1 in any company where it may be recognized4 ,should a visiter accidentally leave her handkerchief at your house1 have it washed and ironed before restoring it to her4 ,on borrowing a book1 immediately put a cover upon it--and let the cover be of clean1 smooth1 white or light-coloured paper4 ,what is called nankeen paper is best and strongest for this purpose4 ,newspaper1 or any paper that is printed1 makes a vile book-cover4 ,beside its mean and dirty appearance1 the printing-ink will not only soil your own hands while reading1 but will do more injury to the binding than if it was left uncovered4 ,to cover a book neatly--take a sheet of nice paper of more than sufficient size1 and lay the book open upon it4 ,cut a notch or indentation at the top and bottom of this paper1 so as to admit the back of the book1 making the notch exactly the width of the back1 and two or three inches deep4 ,fold down the edges of the paper straightly1 smoothly1 and evenly1 over the edges of the binding or cover4 ,fold the corners of the paper nicely underneath1 7trimming off the superfluous paper that turns under17 making them lie as flat as possible4 ,you may secure all the folds at the corners with small wafers1 pins1 or paste-cement4 ,if you use pins1 take care to stick them so as not to scratch the inside of the binding1 or to prick and tear the fly-leaves4 ,the paper-cover should not only be strong1 but smooth also2 if coarse and rough1 it will injure the binding4 ,when you send the book home1 put it up neatly1 so as to make a well-looking package2 secured with either a string or a seal1 and direct it to the owner4 ,if the book is a pamphlet1 and the sewing-thread gives way1 sew it again1 with a large needle and a strong brown thread--not white cotton4 ,if not sewed immediately1 it will fall apart1 and some leaves may drop out1 and be lost4 ,if1 by any unlucky accident1 a leaf is torn1 lay the two pieces nicely together1 and sew them1 lightly1 with a rather fine thread4 ,but if one side of the torn page is blank1 it will be best to mend it by pasting a small narrow slip of white paper underneath1 so as to unite the torn edges neatly4 ,you may have excellent paste or cement1 continually at hand1 by buying at a druggist's an ounce of the best and cleanest gum tragacanth1 with a little bit of corrosive sublimate not larger than a grain of corn1 and dissolving them in a large half-pint of clear water1 either warm or cold4 ,pick the gum tragacanth very clean1 freeing it carefully from all dust and impurities4 ,put it with the corrosive sublimate into a white or queensware vessel having a close cover1 and holding a pint1 to allow for swelling4 ,pour on the water2 cover it closely2 and stir it with a stick1 several times during the day4 ,when sufficiently dissolved1 the paste will be smooth throughout4 ,the corrosive sublimate will cause it to keep good for a year or more2 and it is an excellent and most convenient cement for all purposes1 from wall-paper to artificial flowers4 ,it must on no account be kept in a metal vessel or be stirred with a metal spoon1 as it will then turn black4 ,no house should be without this paste--and it should find a place in every library and office4 ,when it is nearly used up1 and becomes dry at the bottom1 pour on a little water1 and it will dissolve again4 ,make no remarks with pen or pencil on the margin of any book that does not belong to yourself4 ,whatever may be your own opinion of certain passages1 you have no right to disturb other readers by obtruding upon them these opinions1 unasked for4 ,the pleasure of reading a book from a public library1 is frequently marred by finding1 as you proceed1 that some impertinent fools have been before you1 and scribbled their silly comments all through2 or indulged in sneers and vituperations directed at the author4 ,you may lessen this annoyance by turning over all the leaves before you begin reading1 and erasing all the marginal remarks with ,india rubber2 and this will also be an act of kindness to the next reader after yourself4 ,when written with ink1 7as is often the case17 there is no remedy2 and you must endure the infliction of being annoyed throughout the book by these gratuitous criticisms4 ,in a book1 even belonging to yourself1 it is well to use the pencil sparingly2 and only to correct an error of the press1 or a chronological mistake of the author4 ,all readers like to form their own opinions as they go along1 without any prompting from those who have preceded them4 ,never1 on any consideration1 allow yourself to lend a borrowed book4 ,if requested to do so1 it should be a sufficient excuse to say that it is not your own4 ,but if still urged1 persist in declining steadily2 for it is a liberty you have no right to take with any article belonging to another4 ,even if the owner is your sister1 you should lend nothing of hers without first obtaining her permission4 ,whatever you borrow yourself1 should pass safely from your hands to those of the owner4 ,if a friend of yours is very desirous of reading a borrowed book1 and has no other means of obtaining it1 and you think you can depend on her carefulness and punctuality1 7not else17 you may promise to request for her the favour4 ,and when the owner has consented1 7and not till then17 you may transfer the book to the new borrower with strict injunctions to take great care of it1 and to return it as soon as possible4 ,i have known a borrowed book travel round a whole circle of relations and acquaintances1 till1 when sent home at last1 it was literally worn out by dint of use4 ,and this when nearly the whole set were persons who could well afford to buy all they were desirous of reading4 ,many ladies like very well to read when they can do so at the cost of their friends2 but they seem to regard the purchase of any thing to improve the mind1 or amuse the fancy1 as throwing away money which they would expend more to their satisfaction in articles of personal decoration4 ,and is it not melancholy to see an intelligent child craving in vain for books1 while bedizened with finery to gratify the vanity of an ostentatious mother8 ,if1 with the permission of the owner1 you have lent a borrowed book to a person who1 having lost or injured it1 still has the presumption to ask you to intercede for the loan of another1 you are bound to refuse the request2 and do so with civility but steadiness1 assigning the true reason4 ,it may be a salutary lesson to that borrower4 ,remember never to send home any article in a wrapper of newspaper4 ,keep always in the house a supply of good wrapping-paper1 bought for the purpose1 and also of balls of twine4 ,for putting up small things1 what is called shoe-paper is very useful4 ,it is both nice and cheap1 selling from fifty to sixty cents per ream1 according to the size1 and there are twenty quires in a ream4 ,there are varieties of stronger and larger wrapping-paper for articles that require such1 and for parcels that are to be sent to far-off places1 or to go by public conveyances4 ,such packages are best secured by red tape and sealing-wax4 ,at every stationer's may be purchased all varieties of paper4 ,be particularly careful of borrowed magazines1 as the loss of one number spoils a whole set1 and you may find great difficulty in replacing a lost number4 ,even a newspaper should be punctually returned4 ,the owner may wish to file it1 or to send it away to a friend4 ,if lost or defaced while in your possession1 send to the publishing-office and buy another4 ,it is unsafe to leave the book you are reading in the parlour of a hotel4 ,always carry it away with you1 whenever you quit the room--otherwise you will be likely to see it no more4 ,in ,america1 books are so cheap 7not to mention the numerous public libraries7 that in most instances all who can afford it had better buy than borrow1 particularly such works as are worth a second reading4 ,if you find your books accumulating inconveniently1 give away a portion of them to some lover of reading1 who1 less fortunate than yourself1 is unable to expend much money with the booksellers4 ,i have often wondered to see a fair young stranger sitting day after day1 idle and listless in the drawing-room of a hotel1 when she might have known that there were bookstores in the immediate neighbourhood4 ,if1 while in your possession1 a borrowed book is irreparably injured1 it is your duty to replace it by purchasing for the owner another copy4 ,and1 if that cannot be procured1 all you can do is to buy a work of equal value1 and to present that1 as the only compensation in your power4 ,observe the same rule with all borrowed articles1 lost or injured4 ,the lender is surely not the person to suffer from the carelessness of the borrower4 ,leave no borrowed books in the way of children1 and never give a young child a book to play with4 ,eat no cake or fruit over an open book1 lest it be greased or stained4 ,and take care not to blister or spoil the binding by putting it down in a wet place1 for instance1 on a slopped table4 ,some young ladies have a bad habit of biting their fingers1 especially if they rejoice in handsome hands2 and the same ladies1 by way of variety1 are prone to bite the corners of books1 and the edges of closed fans4 ,so it is dangerous to trust these articles in their vicinity4 ,we have seen the corners of an elegant ,annual nearly bitten off at a centre-table in the course of one evening4 ,and we have seen ice-cream eaten and wine drank over an open port-folio of beautiful engravings4 ,by-the-bye1 in taking up a print to look at it1 always extend it carefully with both hands1 that the paper may be in no danger of cracking or rumpling1 which it cannot escape if held but in one hand1 particularly if there is a breeze blowing near it4 ,to show a large engraving without risk of injury1 spread it out smoothly on a table2 keeping it flat by means of books or other weights1 laid carefully down on the corners1 and1 if the plate is very large1 at the sides also4 ,and let no one lean their elbows upon it4 ,it is an irksome task to show any sort of picture to people who have neither taste1 knowledge1 nor enjoyment of the art4 ,there are persons 7ungenteel ones1 it is true7 who seem to have no other pleasure1 when looking at a fine print or picture1 than in trying to discover in the figures or faces1 fancied resemblances to those of some individuals of their own circle3 loudly declaring for instance1 that1 ,queen ,victoria is the very image of ,sarah ,smith2 ,prince ,albert an exact likeness of ,dick ,brown2 the ,duke of ,wellington the very ditto of old ,captain ,jones1 c4 c4 ,to those who have no painting in their souls1 there is little use in showing or explaining any fine specimen of that noblest of the fine arts4 ,we have heard a gentleman doubting whether a capital portrait of ,franklin was not ,general ,washington in his everyday dress4 ,we could fill pages with the absurd remarks we have heard on pictures1 even from persons who have had a costly education put at them4 ,there are ladies who can with difficulty be made to understand the difference between a painting and an engraving--others who think that the same man always makes both4 ,some call a coloured print a painting--others talk#af of themselves painting pictures in albums--not understanding that1 properly speaking1 they are water-colour drawings when done on paper and with transparent tintings--while pictures are painted with oil or opaque colours on canvas or board4 ,frescoes are painted on new walls before the plastering is quite dry1 so that the colours incorporate at once with the plaster1 and dry along with it2 acquiring in that manner a surprising permanency4 ,there is another very common error1 that of calling a diorama a panorama4 ,a panorama1 correctly speaking1 is a large circular representation of one place only1 7such as ,rome1 ,athens1 ,thebes1 ,paris17 comprising as much as the eye can take in at a view4 ,the spectators1 looking from an elevated platform in the centre1 see the painting all around them in every direction1 and appearing the size of reality1 but always stationary4 ,the panoramas exhibited successively in ,london by ,barker1 ,burford1 ,catherwood and others1 are admirable and truthful views of the places they represent2 and after viewing them a few minutes1 you can scarcely believe that you are not actually there1 and looking at real objects4 ,a few of these triumphs of perspective and colouring1 have been brought to ,america4 ,it were much to be wished that an arrangement could be made for conveying every one of these fine panoramas successively across the ,atlantic1 and exhibiting them in all our principal cities4 ,it would be a good speculation4 ,it is difficult to imagine whence originated the mistake of calling a diorama a panorama1 which it is not4 ,a diorama is one of those numerous flat-surface paintings of which we have had so many1 7and some few of them very good17 and which1 moving on unseen rollers1 glide or slide along1 displaying every few minutes a new portion of the scenery4 ,the error has grown so common that persons fall habitually into it1 though knowing all the time that it is an error4 ,to correct it1 let the exhibiters of dioramas cease to call them panoramas1 and give them their proper name1 both in their advertisements and in their verbal descriptions4 ,sebron's magnificent representation of the departure of the ,israelites1 that looked so amazingly real1 was not a diorama1 for it did not move1 and not a panorama1 for it was not circular4 ,but it was a colossal picture1 so excellent that at the first glance it seemed to be no picture at all1 but the real scene1 with the real people4 ,,footnotes3 #ae ,in buying a handsome parasol or umbrella1 see that it has a folding-joint in the middle of the stick1 and that this joint works easily1 so that there may be no difficulty in packing it in a trunk or box4 ,to prevent the silk being rubbed1 tie up the parasol in a smooth linen case1 previous to packing4 #af ,we were a few years since1 told by one of our principal booksellers that a young lady came into his store when he chanced to be at the counter himself1 and1 showing him a small ,english prayer-book elegantly bound1 and with fine engravings1 she enquired if he had any exactly like that4 ,on his replying in the negative1 she desired that he would get precisely such a prayer-book made for her1 in time for church on ,sunday morning--7it was then ,friday7--as she had set her mind on it4 ,it must have just such pictures1 and just such a beautiful gilt cover4 ,he endeavoured in vain to convince her of the utter impossibility of performing this feat of having one single book printed1 and bound1 with plates engraved purposely for it1 and all in the space of a day and a half4 ,she seemed much displeased1 and went away1 in search1 as she said1 of a bookseller that was more obliging4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,offences4 ,if the visits of an acquaintance become less frequent than formerly1 the falling off is not always to be imputed to want of regard for you1 or to having lost all pleasure in your society4 ,the cause may be want of time1 removal to a distance1 precarious health1 care of children1 absence from town1 family troubles1 depressed fortunes1 and various other circumstances4 ,also1 with none of these causes1 visiting may gradually and almost insensibly decline1 and neither of the parties have the slightest dislike to each other4 ,if no offence has been intended1 none should be taken2 and when you chance to meet1 instead of consuming the time in complaints of estrangement1 meet as if your intercourse had never been interrupted1 and you will find it very easy to renew it2 and perhaps on a better footing than before4 ,the renewal should be marked by a prompt interchange of special invitations--followed by visits4 ,unless your rooms are spacious1 you cannot have what is called a large general party4 ,some of your acquaintances must be omitted1 and all that are left out1 are generally offended4 ,therefore it is not well ever to have such parties1 unless your accommodations are ample4 ,squeezes are out of fashion in the best ,american society4 ,we have heard of parties at great houses in ,london1 where1 after the rooms were crowded to suffocation1 a large portion of the company had to pass the evening on the stairs2 and where coaches1 unable to draw up from the immense number of these vehicles that were in advance1 had to remain all night at the foot of the line1 with ladies sitting in them4 ,when morning came1 they had to turn back1 and drive home1 the carriages being all they saw of the party4 ,it is better to give two or three moderate entertainments in the course of the season1 than to crowd your rooms uncomfortably2 and even then to risk giving offence to those who could not be added to the number4 ,if such offence has been given1 try to atone for it by inviting the offended to dine with you1 or to pass an evening1 and asking at the same time a few pleasant people whom you know she likes4 ,you may have a very intimate and sincere friend who does not find it convenient to send for you every time she has company4 ,if1 in all things else1 she treats you with uniform kindness1 and gives reason to believe that she has a true affection for you1 pass over these occasional omissions of invitation1 and do not call her to account1 or treat her coolly when you see her4 ,true friendship ought not depend upon parties4 ,it should be based on a better foundation4 ,if no answer is returned to a note of invitation1 be not hasty in supposing that the omission has sprung from rudeness or neglect4 ,trust that your friend is neither rude nor neglectful2 and believe that the answer was duly sent1 but that it miscarried from some accidental circumstance4 ,a friend may inadvertently say something that you do not like to hear1 or may make a remark that is not pleasant to you4 ,unless it is prefaced with a previous apology2 or unless she desires you not to be offended at what she is going to say2 or unless she informs you that she considers it her duty always to speak her mind1--you have no right to suppose the offence premeditated1 and therefore you should restrain your temper1 and calmly endeavour to convince her that she is wrong2 or else acknowledge that she is right4 ,she ought then to apologize for what she said1 and you should immediately change the subject1 and never again refer to it4 ,in this way quarrels may be prevented1 and ill-feeling crushed in the bud4 ,when what is called a coolness takes place between friends1 the longer it goes on the more difficult it is to get over4 ,but better late than never4 ,if1 on consideration1 you find that you were in the wrong1 let no false pride1 no stubborn perverseness prevent you from making that acknowledgement4 ,if your friend1 on her part1 first shows a desire for reconciliation1 meet her half-way4 ,a vindictive disposition is a bad one1 and revenge is a most unchristian feeling4 ,people of sense 7unless the injury is very great1 and of lasting consequences7 are easy to appease1 because they generally have good feelings1 and know how to listen to reason4 ,dr4 ,watts most truly says-- ,the wise will let their anger cool1 ,at least before 'tis night2 ,but in the bosom of a fool1 ,it burns till morning light4 ,should you chance to be thrown into the presence of persons who have proved themselves your enemies1 and with whom you can have no intercourse1 say nothing either to them or at them2 and do not place yourself in their vicinity4 ,to talk at a person1 is mean and vulgar4 ,those who do it are fully capable of writing anonymous and insulting letters2 and they often do so4 ,high-minded people will always be scrupulously careful in observing toward those with whom they are at variance1 all the ceremonies usual in polite society--particularly the conventional civilities of the table4 ,if you have1 unfortunately1 had a quarrel with a friend1 talk of it to others as little as possible2 lest in the heat of anger1 you may give an exaggerated account1 and represent your adversary in darker colours than she deserves4 ,you may be very sure these misrepresentations will reach her ear1 and be greatly magnified by every successive relater4 ,in this way a trifle may be swelled into importance2 a mole-hill may become a mountain2 and a slight affront may embitter the feelings of future years4 ,blessed are the peacemakers1--and a mutual friend1 if well-disposed toward both opponents1 generally has it in her power to effect a reconciliation1 by repeating1 kindly1 any favourable remark she may chance to have heard one of the offended parties make on the other4 ,in truth1 we wish it were the universal custom for all people to tell other people whatever good they may hear of them--instead of the wicked and hateful practice of telling only the bad4 ,make it a rule to repeat to your friends all the pleasant remarks that 7as far as you know7 are made on them1 and you will increase their happiness1 and your own popularity4 ,we do not mean that you should flatter them1 by reciting compliments that are not true2 but truth is not flattery1 and there is no reason why agreeable truths should not always be told4 ,there would then be far more kind feeling in the world4 ,few persons are so bad as not to have some good in them4 ,let them hear of the good4 ,few are so ugly as not to have about them something commendable even externally1 if it is only a becoming dress4 ,let them hear of that dress4 ,flattery is praise without foundation4 ,to tell a person with heavy1 dull gray eyes1 that her eyes are of a bright and beautiful blue2 to talk of her golden locks to a woman with positive red hair of the tint called carroty2 to tell a long1 thin1 stoop-shouldered girl1 that she possesses the light and airy form of a sylph2 or a short-necked1 fat one that her figure has the dignity of an empress2 to assure a faded matron that she looks like a young girl2 to fall into raptures on listening to bad music1 or when viewing a drawing that depicts nothing intelligible2 or praising album poetry that has neither rhyme nor reason1--all this is gross flattery1 which the object 7if she has any sense7 will easily detect1 and suspect that you are trying experiments on her vanity and credulity4 ,still where agreeable qualities really exist1 it is not amiss to allude to them delicately4 ,it will give pleasure without compromising veracity4 ,when any thing complimentary is said to you1 acknowledge it by a bow and smile1 but do not attempt an answer unless you can say something in return that will be equally sincere and pleasant4 ,most probably you cannot2 therefore look gratified1 and bow your thanks1 but remain silent4 ,few ladies are distinguished1 like the ,harriet ,byron of ,grandison1 for a very pretty manner of returning a compliment4 ,do not reject the compliment by pretending to prove that you do not deserve it4 ,but if it is a piece of bare-faced flattery1 the best answer is to look gravely1 and say or do nothing4 ,should you chance accidentally to overhear a remark to your disadvantage1 consider first if there may not be some truth in it4 ,if you feel that there is1 turn it to profitable account1 and try to improve1 or to get rid of the fault1 whatever it may be4 ,but never show resentment at any thing not intended for your ear1 unless it is something of such vital importance as to render it necessary that you should come forward in self-defence4 ,these instances1 however1 are of rare occurrence4 ,if you are so placed that you can hear the conversation of persons who are talking about you1 it is very mean to sit there and listen4 ,immediately remove to a distance far enough to be out of hearing4 ,it is a proverb that listeners seldom hear any good of themselves4 ,it were a pity if they should4 ,eavesdropping or listening beneath an open window1 the crack of a door1 or through a key-hole1 are as dishonourable as to pick pockets4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,obligations ,,to ,,gentlemen4 ,in her intercourse with gentlemen1 a lady should take care to avoid all pecuniary obligations4 ,the civility that a gentleman conventionally owes to a lady is a sufficient tax--more she has no right to expect1 or to accept4 ,a man of good sense1 and of true politeness1 will not be offended at her unwillingness to become his debtor4 ,on the contrary1 he will respect her delicacy1 and approve her dignity2 and consent at once to her becoming her own banker on all occasions where expense is to be incurred4 ,this is the custom in ,europe2 and is1 in most cases1 a very good one4 ,when invited to join a party to a place of amusement1 let her consent1 if she wishes2 but let her state expressly that it is only on condition of being permitted to pay for her own ticket4 ,if she steadily adheres to this custom1 it will soon be understood that such is always her commendable practice2 and she can then1 with perfect propriety1 at any time1 ask for a seat among friends who intend going4 ,to this accommodation she could not invite herself1 if in the continual habit of visiting public places at the expense of others4 ,the best time for a lady to pay for herself is to put her money into the hand of the gentleman previous to their departure for the place of performance4 ,he will not be so rude as to refuse to take it4 ,if he does refuse1 she should evince her resentment by going with him no more4 ,young men of limited means are frequently drawn into expenses they can ill afford1 by being acquainted with young ladies who profess a passion for equestrian exercises--a most inconvenient passion for one who has not a horse of her own1 or who lives in a family where no horses are kept4 ,if her gentleman is obliged to hire1 not only a horse for himself1 but also one for the lady1 let her have sufficient consideration not to propose to him that they should take rides together--and let her not draw him into an invitation1 by her dwelling excessively on the delight of horseback excursions4 ,in cities1 these rides are expensive luxuries to those who keep no horses4 ,few city ladies ride well1 7even if they have been at riding-school17 for want of daily practice out of doors4 ,they are not exactly at ease on the horse1 and always seem somewhat afraid of him2 at least till they are off the stones1 and out in the open country4 ,while in the streets1 the rare sight of a lady on horseback attracts much attention1 and a crowd of boys gathers round to see her mount her steed1 or alight from it4 ,this to a young lady of delicacy is very embarrassing1 or ought to be4 ,in the country1 the case is totally different4 ,there1 practice makes perfect4 ,the ladies1 being accustomed to riding their own horses from childhood1 acquire the art without any trouble1 have no fear1 feel perfectly at home in the saddle1 and therefore sit gracefully1 and manage their steeds easily4 ,and as every country gentleman has a riding-horse of his own1 he can accompany a lady without the expense of hiring4 ,lay no wagers with gentlemen1 and have no philopenas with them4 ,in betting with a lady1 it is customary for the gentleman to pay whether he wins or loses4 ,what then does the wager imply1 but a rapacious and mean desire on the part of the lady to get a present out of him--as such ladies would express it4 ,no delicate and refined female ever bets at all4 ,it is a very coarse and masculine way of asserting an opinion or a belief2 and always reminds gentlemen of the race-course1 or the gaming-table4 ,we disapprove of ladies going to charity-fairs in the evening1 when they require a male escort--and when that escort is likely to be drawn into paying exorbitant prices for gifts to his fair companion--particularly1 if induced to do so from the fear of appearing mean1 or of being thought wanting in benevolence4 ,in the evening1 the young ladies who have tables1 are apt to become especially importunate in urging the sale of their goods--and appear to great disadvantage as imitation-shop-keepers1 exhibiting a boldness in teazing that no real saleswoman would presume to display4 ,then the crowd is generally great2 the squeezing and pushing very uncomfortable2 and most of the company far from genteel4 ,ladies who are ladies1 should only visit fancy-fairs in the day-time1 when they can go without gentlemen2 none of whom take much pleasure in this mode of raising money2 or rather of levying contributions for special purposes4 ,there are other ways that are more lady-like1 more effective1 less fatiguing1 and more satisfactory to all concerned--and far less detrimental to the interests of the numerous poor women who get their living by their needles1 or by their ingenuity in making ornamental nick-nacks for sale1 and who ask but a fair price for them4 ,dress-makers are frequently induced to keep back portions of silk1 the rightful property of their customers1 who may afterwards be put to great inconvenience for want of them1 when the dress is to be altered or repaired4 ,and these pieces are given to the ladies who go about begging for materials to make pincushions1 c4 for fancy-fairs4 ,this is dishonest4 ,let them go to a store and buy small pieces of silk1 velvet1 ribbon1 and whatever they want for these purposes4 ,if you have occasion to send by a gentleman a package to a transportation-office1 give him along with it the money to pay for its carriage4 ,if you borrow change1 7even one cent17 return it to him punctually4 ,he ought to take it as a thing of course1 without any comment4 ,when you commission him to buy any thing for you1 if you know the price1 give the money beforehand2 otherwise1 pay it as soon as he brings the article4 ,do all such things promptly1 lest they should escape your memory if delayed4 ,when visiting a fancy-store with a gentleman1 refrain from excessively admiring any handsome or expensive article you may chance to see there4 ,above all1 express no wish that you were able to buy it1 and no regret that you cannot1 lest he should construe these extreme tokens of admiration into hints that you wish him to buy it for you4 ,to allow him to do so1 would on your part be very mean and indelicate1 and on his very foolish4 ,it ought to be a very painful office 7and is a very improper one7 for young ladies to go round soliciting from gentlemen subscriptions for charitable purposes4 ,still it is done4 ,subscription-papers should only be offered by persons somewhat advanced in life1 and of undoubted respectability--and then the application should be made1 exclusively1 to those whose circumstances are known to be affluent4 ,people who have not much to give1 generally prefer giving that little to objects of charity within their own knowledge4 ,who is there that does not know a poor family8 ,and without actually giving money1 7which in too many instances1 is immediately appropriated by a drunken husband to supply himself with more drink17 much may be done to procure a few comforts for a miserable wife and children4 ,when you ask money for a charitable purpose1 do so only when quite alone with the person to whom you apply4 ,it is taking an undue advantage to make the request in presence of others--particularly if1 as before observed1 there is not wealth as well as benevolence4 ,there is a time for all things--and young ladies are deservedly unpopular when1 even in the cause of charity1 they seize every opportunity to levy contributions on the purses of gentlemen4 ,it is wrong to trouble gentlemen with commissions that may cause them inconvenience or expense4 ,in the awful days of bandboxes1 unfortunate young men riding in stages were sometimes required to convey one of these cumbrous receptacles of bonnets and caps a day's journey upon their knees1 to save it from rain outside4 ,sometimes an immense package containing an immense shawl4 ,we knew an officer who1 by particular desire1 actually carried three great shawls several hundred miles2 each bundle to be delivered at a different house in the ,city of ,magnificent ,distances4 ,but as to officers1 sufferance is the badge of all their tribe4 ,now these shawls should all have been sent by the public line1 even if the transportation did cost something4 ,we repeat1 that a lady cannot be too particular in placing herself under obligations to a gentleman4 ,she should scrupulously avoid it in every little thing that may involve him in expense on her account4 ,and he will respect her the more4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,conduct ,,to ,,literary ,,women4 ,on being introduced to a female writer1 it is rude to say that you have long had a great curiosity to see her4 ,curiosity is not the right word4 ,it is polite to imply that1 knowing her well by reputation1 you are glad to have an opportunity of making her personal acquaintance4 ,say nothing concerning her writings1 unless you chance to be alone with her4 ,take care not to speak of her first work as being her best2 for if it is really so1 she must have been retrograding from that time2 a falling off that she will not like to hear of4 ,perhaps the truth may be1 that you yourself have read only her first work2 and if you tell her this1 she will not be much flattered in supposing that you1 in reality1 cared so little for her first book1 as to feel no desire to try a second4 ,but she will be really gratified to learn that you are acquainted with most of her writings2 and1 in the course of conversation1 it will be very pleasant for her to hear you quote something from them4 ,if she is a writer of fiction1 and you presume to take the liberty of criticising her works1 7as you may at her own request1 or if you are her intimate friend17 refrain from urging that certain incidents are improbable1 and certain characters unnatural4 ,of this it is impossible for you to judge1 unless you could have lived the very same life that she has2 known exactly the same people2 and inhabited with her the same places4 ,remember always that ,truth is stranger than fiction4 ,the ,french say--,le vrai n'est pas toujours le plus vraisemblable1--which1 literally translated1 means that ,truth is not always the most truth-like4 ,also1 be it understood that a woman of quick perception and good memory can see and recollect a thousand things which would never be noticed or remembered by an obtuse or shallow1 common-place capacity4 ,and the intellect of a good writer of fiction is always brightened by the practice of taking in and laying up ideas with a view toward turning them to professional use4 ,trust in her1 and believe that she has painted from life4 ,a sensible fictionist always does4 ,at the same time1 be not too curious in questioning her as to the identity of her personages and the reality of her incidents4 ,you have no right to expect that she will expose to you1 or to any one else1 her process of arranging the story1 bringing out the characters1 or concocting the dialogue4 ,the machinery of her work1 and the hidden springs which set it in motion1 she naturally wishes to keep to herself2 and she cannot be expected to lay them bare for the gratification of impertinent curiosity1 letting them become subjects of idle gossip4 ,be satisfied to take her works as you find them4 ,if you like them1 read and commend them2 but do not ask her to conduct you behind the scenes1 and show you the mysteries of her art--for writing is really an art1 and one that cannot be acquired1 to any advantage1 without a certain amount of talent1 taste1 and cultivation1 to say nothing of genius4 ,what right have you to expect that your literary friend will trust you with the secrets of her prison-house1 and put it into your power to betray her confidence by acquainting the world that a certain popular novelist has informed you with her own lips 7but it must on no account be mentioned1 as the disclosure would give mortal offence1 and create for her hosts of enemies17 that by her character of ,fanny ,gadfly she really means ,lucy ,giddings2 that ,mr4 ,hardcastle signifies ,mr4 ,stone2 that ,old ,wigmore was modelled on no less a person than ,isaac ,baldwin2 that ,mrs4 ,bastings was taken from ,mrs4 ,sunning2 and ,mrs4 ,babes from ,mrs4 ,childers--c4 c4 ,also1 do not expect her to tell you on what facts her incidents were founded1 and whether there was any truth in them1 or if they were mere invention4 ,be not inquisitive as to the length of time consumed in writing this book or that--or how soon the work now on hand will be finished4 ,it can scarcely be any concern of yours1 and the writer may have reasons for keeping back the information4 ,rest assured that whenever a public announcement of a new book is expedient1 it will certainly be made in print4 ,there are persons so rude as to question a literary woman 7even on a slight acquaintance7 as to the remuneration she receives for her writings--in plain terms1 ,how much did you get for that8 and how much are you to have for this8 ,and how much do you make in the course of a year8 ,and how much a page do you get8 ,and how many pages can you write in a day8 ,to any impertinent questions from a stranger-lady concerning the profits of your pen1 reply concisely1 that these things are secrets between yourself and your publishers4 ,if you kindly condescend to answer without evasion1 these polite enquiries1 you will probably hear such exclamations as1 ,why1 really--you must be coining money4 ,i think ,i'll write books myself6 ,there can't be a better trade1 c4 ,ignorant people always suppose that popular writers are wonderfully well-paid--and must be making rapid fortunes--because they neither starve in garrets1 nor wear rags--at least in ,america4 ,never ask one writer what is her real opinion of a cotemporary author4 ,she may be unwilling to entrust it to you1 as she can have no guarantee that you will not whisper it round till it gets into print4 ,if she voluntarily expresses her own opinion of another writer1 and it is unfavourable1 be honourable enough not to repeat it2 but guard it sedulously from betrayal1 and avoid mentioning it to any one4 ,when in company with literary women1 make no allusions to learned ladies1 or blue stockings1 or express surprise that they should have any knowledge of housewifery1 or needle-work1 or dress2 or that they are able to talk on common things4 ,it is rude and foolish1 and shows that you really know nothing about them1 either as a class or as individuals4 ,never tell an authoress that you are afraid of her--or entreat her not to put you into a book4 ,be assured there is no danger4 ,an authoress has seldom leisure to entertain morning visiters2 so much of her time being professionally occupied either in writing1 or in reading what will prepare her for writing4 ,she should apprize all her friends of the hours in which she is usually engaged2 and then none who are really her friends and well-wishers1 will encroach upon her convenience for any purpose of their own2 unless under extraordinary circumstances4 ,to tell her that you were just passing by1 or just in the neighbourhood1 and just thought you would stop in1 is a very selfish1 or at least a very inconsiderate excuse4 ,is she to suppose that you do not consider her conversation worthy of a visit made on purpose8 ,recollect that to a woman who gets her living by her pen1 time is money1 as it is to an artist4 ,therefore1 encroaching on her time is lessening her income4 ,and yet how often is this done 7either heedlessly or selfishly7 by persons professing to be her friends1 and who are habitually in the practice of interrupting her in her writing hours1 which should always be in the morning1 if possible4 ,they think it sufficient to say1 like ,paul ,pry1 ,i hope ,i don't intrude--knowing all the time that they do1 and pretending to believe her when civility obliges her to tell them they do not4 ,even if the visit is not a long one1 it is still an interruption4 ,in one minute it may break a chain of ideas which cannot be reunited1 dispel thoughts that can never be recalled1 disturb the construction of a sentence1 and obliterate a recollection that will not return4 ,and to all this the literary lady must submit1 because her so-called friend chanced to be out that morning shopping--or happened to be visiting in that part of the town--and therefore has called on her by way of killing two birds with one stone4 ,very likely1 the visiter will say to the unfortunate visited1 ,i know it is inconvenient to you to see your friends in the morning1 but ,i never feel like going out in the afternoon4 ,as soon as dinner is over ,i must have my nap2 and by the time that is finished1 it is too late for any thing else4 ,in consequence of these ill-timed visits1 the printer may have to send in vain for copy that is not yet ready2 and an article written expressly for a magazine may arrive too late for the next month1 and be therefore deferred a month later1 which may subject her not only to inconvenience1 but to actual pecuniary loss--loss of money4 ,or1 at least1 the interruption may compel her to the painful effort of trying to finish it even by sitting up late at night1 and straining her weary eyes by lamp-light4 ,yet this she must endure because it suits an idle and thoughtless friend to make her a long and inopportune visit4 ,the children of the pen and the pencil might say to these intruders1 like the frogs in the pond when the boys were pelting them with stones--,this may be sport to you1 but it is death to us4 ,if1 when admitted into her study1 you should find her writing-table in what appears to you like great confusion1 recollect that there is really no wit in a remark too common on such occasions1--,why1 you look quite littery1--a poor play on the words literary and litter4 ,in all probability1 she knows precisely where to lay her hand upon every paper on the table3 having in reality placed them exactly to suit her convenience4 ,though their arrangement may be quite unintelligible to the uninitiated1 there is no doubt method 7her own method1 at least7 in their apparent disorder4 ,it is not likely she may have time to put her writing table in nice-looking order every day4 ,to have it done by servants is out of the question1 as they would make confusion worse confounded2 being of course unable to comprehend how such a table should be arranged4 ,if you chance to find an authoress occupied with her needle1 express no astonishment1 and refrain from exclaiming1 ,what6 can you sew8 or1 ,i never supposed a literary lady could even hem a handkerchief6 ,this is a false1 and if expressed in words1 an insulting idea4 ,a large number of literary females are excellent needle-women1 and good housewives2 and there is no reason why they should not be4 ,the same vigour of character and activity of intellect which renders a woman a good writer1 will also enable her to acquire with a quickness1 almost intuitive1 a competent knowledge of household affairs1 and of the art of needle-work4 ,and she will find1 upon making the attempt1 that1 with a little time and a little perseverance1 she may become as notable a personage 7both in theory and practice7 as if she had never read a book1 or written a page4 ,the ,dora of ,david ,copperfield is an admirable illustration of the fact that a silly1 illiterate woman may be the worst of housewives4 ,dickens has unquestionably painted this character exactly from life4 ,but that he always does4 ,he must have known a ,dora4 ,and who has not8 ,if you find your literary friend in deshabille1 and she apologizes for it--7she had best not apologize7--tell her not that authoresses are privileged persons1 and are never expected to pay any attention to dress4 ,now1 literary slatterns are not more frequent than slatterns who are not literary4 ,it is true that women of enlarged minds1 and really good taste1 do not think it necessary to follow closely all the changes and follies of fashion1 and to wear things that are inconvenient1 uncomfortable1 and unbecoming1 merely because milliners1 dress-makers1 c4 have pronounced them the last new style4 ,it is ill-manners to refer in any way to the profession of the person to whom you are talking1 unless that person is an intimate friend1 and you are alone with her2 and unless she herself begins the subject4 ,still worse1 to allude to their profession as if you supposed it rendered them different from the rest of the world1 and marked them with peculiarities from which other people are exempt4 ,it is true that authorlings and poetizers are apt to affect eccentricity4 ,real authors1 and even real poets1 7by real we mean good ones17 have generally a large portion of common sense to balance their genius1 and are therefore seldom guilty of the queernesses unjustly imputed to the whole fraternity4 ,when in company with a literary lady with whom you are not on very confidential terms1 it is bad taste to talk to her exclusively of books1 and to endeavour to draw out her opinion of authors with whom she is personally acquainted--and whom she will1 of course1 be unwilling to criticise1 7at least in miscellaneous society17 lest her remarks should be invidiously or imprudently repeated1 and even get into print4 ,any thing new in the literary world8 is a question by which some people always commence conversation with an author4 ,why should it be supposed that they always carry the shop along with them1 or that they take no interest or pleasure in things not connected with books4 ,on the contrary1 they are glad to be allowed the privilege of unbending like other people4 ,and a good writer is almost always a good talker1 and fully capable of conversing well on various subjects4 ,try her4 ,it was beautifully said of ,jane ,taylor1 the charming author of a popular and never-tiring little book of ,original ,poems for ,children1 that you only knew that the stream of literature had passed over her mind by the fertility it left behind it4 ,we have witnessed1 when two distinguished lady-writers chanced to be at the same party1 an unmannerly disposition to pit them against each other--placing them side by side1 or vis-a-vis1 and saying something about1 ,when ,greek meets ,greek1 c41 and absolutely collecting a circle round them1 to be amused or edified by the expected dialogue4 ,this is rude and foolish4 ,it is not treating a talented woman with due consideration1 to be active in introducing to her the silliest and flattest people in the room1 because the said flats have been worked up into a desire of seeing1 face to face1 a live authoress--though in all probability they have not read one of her works4 ,that notorious lion-hunter1 the ,countess of ,cork1 was so candid as to say to certain celebrated writers1 ,i'll sit by you because you are famous4 ,to a very charming ,american lady whom she was persuading to come to her party1 she frankly added1 ,my dear1 you really must not refuse me4 ,don't you know you are my decoy-duck4 ,there are mothers 7called pattern-mothers7 who uphold the theory that every thing in the world must bend to the advantage 7real or supposed7 of children1 that is1 of their own children--and who have continually on their lips the saying1 a mother's first duty is to her children4 ,so it is1 and it is her duty not to render them vain1 impertinent1 conceited1 and obtrusive1 by allowing them to suppose that they must on all occasions be brought forward2 and that their mother's visiters have nothing to do but to improve and amuse them4 ,therefore a literary lady often receives a more than hint from such a mother to talk only on edifying subjects when the dear little creatures are present2 and then the conversation is required to take a ,penny-,magazine tone1 exclusively--the darlings being1 most probably1 restless and impatient all the time1 the girls sitting uneasily on their chairs and looking tired1 and the boys suddenly bolting out of the room to get back to their sports4 ,it is true the children will be less impatient if the visiter will trouble herself to tell them stories all the time2 but it is rude to ask her to do so4 ,when directing a letter to a woman of letters1 it is not considered polite to insert the word ,authoress after her name4 ,and yet we have seen this done by persons who ought to know better4 ,if you are unacquainted with the number and street of her residence1 direct to the care of her publisher2 whose place you may always find1 by referring to the title-page of one of her last works1 and by seeing his advertisements in the newspapers4 ,the booksellers always know where their authors are to be found4 ,so do the printers--for their boys convey the proof-sheets4 ,observe that the term learned lady is not correctly applied to a female1 unless she has successfully cultivated what is understood to be the learning of colleges--for instance1 the dead languages1 c4 ,unfortunately1 the term is now seldom used but in derision1 and to denote a woman whose studies have been entirely of the masculine order4 ,you may speak of a well-informed1 well-read1 talented1 intellectual1 accomplished lady2 but call her not learned1 unless she is well-versed in the ,greek and ,latin classics1 and able to discuss them from their original language4 ,even then1 spare her the appellation of learned1 if gentlemen are present4 ,in the dark ages1 when not every lady could read and write1 the few that were entitled to the benefit of clergy1 frequently drank deep in tasting the ,pierian spring1 and proceeded to study the learned languages with great success2 for instance1 ,lady ,jane ,grey and ,queen ,elizabeth4 ,in desiring the autograph of a literary lady1 do not expect her to write in your album a piece of poetry4 ,be satisfied with her signature only4 ,there is a spice of meanness in requesting from her1 as a gift1 any portion of her stock in trade4 ,as well might you ask ,mr4 ,stewart1 or ,mr4 ,levy1 to present you with an embroidered collar1 or a pair of gloves4 ,for the same reason1 never request an artist to draw something in your album4 ,it is only amateur poets1 and amateur artists1 that can afford to write and draw in albums4 ,those who make a living by their profession1 have no time to spare for gratuitous performances2 and it is as wrong to ask them1 as it is to invite public singers to favour the company with a song at private parties1 where they are invited as guests4 ,it is1 however1 not unusual for professional musicians to kindly and politely gratify the company by inviting themselves to sing2 saying1 ,perhaps you would like to hear my last song4 ,and sometimes1 if quite in the vein1 a real poet1 when modestly asked for merely his signature1 will voluntarily add a few lines of verse4 ,but do not expect it4 ,there are pretty little books of fine paper1 handsomely bound1 that are used for the purpose of containing signature autographs2 one on each page4 ,a lady owning such a book1 can send it to any distinguished person of whose hand-writing she wishes to possess a specimen4 ,when the name at the bottom of a letter is shown to you as an autograph1 it is rude to take the letter into your own hand1 and read the whole1 or even to glance your eye over it4 ,it is not intended that you shall see any thing but the signature4 ,we will now address a few words to beginners in the art of writing1 with reference to their intercourse with women of well-established literary reputation4 ,if these ladies of decided standing in the republic of letters have sufficient leisure1 they will generally be very kind in assisting with their counsel a young aspirant1 who shows any evidence of talent for the profession4 ,unluckily1 too many novices in the art1 mistake a mere desire to get into print1 for that rarest of gifts--genius4 ,and without genius1 there is no possibility of gaining by the pen1 either fame1 or fortune4 ,long manuscripts are frequently sent for the revisal at leisure of a person who has little or no leisure4 ,yet in the intervals of toiling for herself1 she is expected to toil for some one else2 probably for a stranger whom she does not know1 in whom she can take no interest1 and who has evidently no writing in her soul4 ,if1 however1 the modest request is kindly complied with1 in all probability the corrections will only give offence1 and may perhaps be crossed out before the manuscript is offered to the publisher1 who very likely may reject it for want of these very corrections4 ,we have known such incidents4 ,the least talented of the numerous females pretending to authorship1 are generally the most conceited and the most obtrusive4 ,they are frequently very great annoyances to women well-up the ladder1 who are expected1 in many instances1 not only to revise the manuscript1 but immediately to find a purchaser for it--a purchaser of high rank among publishers--one who will bring it out handsomely1 ensure it an immense circulation1 pay promptly1 and pay as much as is given to the standard authors4 ,and besides being desired to get it published1 the reviser of the manuscript will1 perhaps1 be requested to correct the proofs2 that is1 if the literary novice should chance to know what proof-sheets are4 ,the work thus arrogantly thrust upon the time and attention of a deservedly-popular writer may be a book of sweet poetry1 on weak1 worn-out1 common-place subjects1 done into feeble1 halting1 ill-rhyming verses1 such as few read1 and none remember4 ,or the aspirant after fame1 may have chosen the easier path of prose1 and produced a fiction without fancy1 a novel without novelty1 a thrilling tale that thrills nobody1 a picture of fashionable life after no fashion that ever existed1 or a pathetic story of domestic life1 neither pathetic nor domestic4 ,yet if a practised and successful author ventures to pronounce an unfavourable verdict on such productions1 because the writer desired her candid opinion1 she will probably light up a flame of resentment1 that may never be extinguished1 and make an enemy for life2 the objections being imputed to sheer envy1 and to a malignant design of extinguishing a rising star4 ,a sufficient introduction to a publisher is to send him the manuscript1 accompanied by a note requesting his opinion as soon as convenient4 ,if he approves it1 and believes it will be profitable1 there is no doubt of his being willing to print the work4 ,and if he thinks he shall make nothing by it1 it is equally certain that he will decline the offer4 ,it is too much to expect that he will be so regardless of his own interest as to publish a book1 the sale of which will not remunerate him for the cost of paper and printing4 ,ladies who live in the same house with an authoress1 have opportunities enough of seeing her in the parlour1 and at table2 therefore they may dispense with visiting her in her own room4 ,spare her all interruptions of applying for the loan of books1 paper1 pens1 ink1 c4 ,do not expect that1 because she writes1 she must necessarily keep a free circulating library1 or a gratuitous stationer's shop4 ,supply yourself with all such conveniences from the regular sources4 ,buy them1 and pay for them1 instead of troubling one who has not time to be troubled4 ,above all1 refrain from the meanness of asking her to lend you any book written by herself4 ,if she volunteers the loan1 then receive it thankfully2 and take care to return it speedily1 and in good condition4 ,it is her interest1 and the interest of her publishers1 that a large number of copies shall be sold2 not lent1 or given away4 ,many persons erroneously suppose that an author has always on hand an unlimited number of her own books2 or that the publisher will kindly give her as many as she can want for herself and friends4 ,this is by no means the case4 ,it is usual1 when the first edition comes out1 for the publisher to send the author half a dozen copies of the book1 or a dozen1 if it is a small one4 ,after that1 if she wants any more1 she is expected to buy them of the bookseller4 ,therefore1 she has none to give away1 except to members of her own family1 or to friends whose circumstances will not permit them to expend money in books1 and who have an ardent love for reading without the means of gratifying it4 ,we have known ladies1 possessing diamonds and ,india shawls1 and living in splendid houses1 ask the author for the loan of a cookery-book1 with the avowed purpose of copying out the best receipts4 ,apropos to cookery-books3--,if you have faithfully followed a receipt1 and the result is not quite satisfactory1 there is nothing amiss in your acquainting the writer with that fact1 provided it is a fact4 ,on the contrary1 you may do her a kindness1 by enabling her to detect an error in the directions1 and to rectify that error in a future edition4 ,women often assert that the receipt was not a good one1 and that upon trial it proved a failure1 when1 on investigation1 you will find that1 from false economy1 some of the ingredients were left out2 or the relative proportions diminished in quantity--too much of the cheapest articles being put in1 and not enough of the more costly4 ,or else1 that sufficient time and pains were not bestowed on the mixing and preparing2 or that the thing was not sufficiently cooked4 ,by-the-bye1 remember that a receipt for cookery1 is not to be called a recipe4 ,the word recipe belongs to pharmacy1 and is only used with reference to medical prescriptions4 ,the cook uses receipts1 the apothecary recipes4 ,whatever article you may wish to borrow from an inmate of the same house1 apply first to persons whose time is of comparatively small importance to them1 before you disturb and interrupt a literary lady4 ,do not trouble her for the loan of umbrellas1 over-shoes1 hoods1 calashes1 c41 or send to her for small change4 ,we once lived in a house where coal-fires were scarce1 and wood-fires plenty4 ,our own fire-arrangement was wood in a ,franklin stove1 and no other person in the house was the fortunate owner of a pair of bellows4 ,liking always to be comfortable1 we had bought a pair for ourselves4 ,ten times a day we were disturbed by a knock at the door1 from a coloured girl who came a-borrowing this implement to revive the fire of some other room4 ,she called it by a pleasing variety of names--running through all the vowels4 ,sometimes she wanted the bellowsas2 sometimes the bellowses2 or the bellowsis1 the bellowsos1 or the bellowsus4 ,these frequent interruptions1 with others that were similar1 became a real grievance4 ,we thought it would cost us less to present the bellows to the house1 and buy another pair for ourselves4 ,we did so--but very soon the first pair was somehow missing1 and our own was again in requisition4 ,since that winter we have burnt anthracite1 and therefore have no bellowsas to lend4 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,suggestions ,,to ,,inexperienced ,,authors4 ,there is some economy and much convenience in buying your paper by the ream1 7twenty quires17 having first tried a sample4 ,the surface of the paper should be smooth1 and somewhat glossy2 particularly if you write with metallic pens4 ,that which is soft and spongy1 though a little lower in price1 wears out the pen so fast that what is saved in paper is lost in pens2 also1 there is no possibility of writing on it with ease and expedition4 ,you will find it best to use paper ruled in lines4 ,if you write a large hand1 take foolscap2 if a small hand1 use letter-paper size4 ,but note-paper is too small1 when you are writing for the press4 ,before you commence your manuscript1 take a quire1 and prepare each sheet by splitting it all down the folded side1 with a sharp paper-cutter1 thus dividing it into half-sheets4 ,you can do this better on a flat table than on the slope of a desk4 ,keep your left hand pressing down hard on the quire1 while you are cutting it with your right4 ,the best paper-cutters are those of real ivory4 ,a handle is of no advantage to them1 but rather the contrary4 ,they should be thin1 plain1 and perfectly straight1 except being rounded off at the two ends4 ,ivory paper-knives of this form are generally used by the book-binders1 an evidence that they are convenient and expeditious4 ,those of bone or horn are scarcely worth buying1 though but half the price2 the edges soon becoming blunt1 and therefore useless4 ,wooden paper-knives are good for nothing4 ,paper-knives of mother of pearl1 and other ornamental substances1 are of little utility1 being rarely sharp enough1 7even when new17 and in a short time becoming quite dull4 ,also1 they break very easily4 ,avoid cutting a sheet of paper1 or the leaves of a book1 with scissors2 it is comparatively a slow and awkward process2 and cannot1 even with great care1 be effected as smoothly and evenly as with a cutter of ivory4 ,before you split or divide the sheet1 press the paper-knife all along the fold1 so as to flatten the crease1 and make it cut evenly and easily4 ,having split your whole sheets into leaves or half-sheets1 take each half-sheet separately1 and fold over an inch or more all along the left-hand edge2 so as to leave a margin or space for sewing the manuscript when finished4 ,do this with the paper-knife4 ,lay a pile of these half-sheets beside you when you sit down to write1 and take them as you want them4 ,write only on one side of the paper4 ,if written on both sides1 it will cause trouble and inconvenience to the printers1 by obliging them to turn over at the end of every page4 ,this rule1 however1 may be dispensed with1 when a manuscript is so short that it may be comprised in one sheet1 and is to be transmitted by mail4 ,this may be the more easily managed1 by drawing with a pencil or pen a straight perpendicular line down the middle of each page1 so as to divide it into columns4 ,when it is finished1 enclose it in an envelope1 direct1 and seal it1 and put on a post-office stamp4 ,if the manuscript occupies two or three sheets1 put two or three stamps side by side4 ,there are large envelopes that will hold foolscap paper1 properly folded4 ,do not use blue ink2 for if any part of your manuscript should chance to get wet1 there is a risk of the blue ink being effaced or obliterated by the damp1 so as to render the writing illegible2 and this has frequently happened4 ,let your writing be large enough1 and plain enough to be read with ease1 and the compositor will be less likely to make mistakes4 ,printers1 though accustomed to read all sorts of writing1 are sometimes completely at a loss in deciphering a very bad hand4 ,there is no excuse for a person in respectable life persisting in writing illegibly1 as it is never too late to improve4 ,you have only to take lessons of a good instructor1 and apply yourself sedulously to acquiring a new hand1 and you will succeed in doing so4 ,do not1 in writing for the press1 affect the crow-quill calligraphy that is fashionable for album verses and complimentary billets4 ,when your manuscript is finished1 sew the leaves evenly together1 with nothing more than a strong thread2 or1 if it is very thick1 it may be sewed with a fine twine put into a large needle4 ,a handsome cover1 daintily fastened with a pretty ribbon1 is of no account in a printing-office1 where the first thing that is done with a manuscript is to remove the cover1 and cut the leaves loose from the fastening4 ,the printers will gladly dispense with covers1 ribbons1 and fairy-like penmanship1 in favour of a plain legible hand1 pages regularly numbered1 and leaves written on one side only4 ,in commencing a manuscript1 write the title or caption in large letters1 at some distance from the top of the first page2 and if you are not anonymous1 put your name a little below the title4 ,then begin the first line of the first paragraph1 several inches distant from the left-hand side1 or margin4 ,in this manner commence every paragraph4 ,the length of the paragraphs may be regulated by the time when you think a pause longer than that of a period or full stop may be effective2 or to give the reader an opportunity of resting for a minute2 or to denote the commencement of another subject4 ,in writing a dialogue1 begin every separate speech with a capital1 and commence each speech on a new line1 and at some distance from the left-hand margin4 ,also mark the beginning and end of every speech with double commas4 ,if the names of the speakers are given at the commencement of every speech1 write those names in large letters1 putting a dot and a dash after them4 ,all these arrangements are the same in writing as in printing4 ,if you are1 unfortunately1 not familiar with the rules of punctuation1 refresh your memory by referring to them in a grammar-book4 ,they must be strictly observed2 otherwise your meaning will be unintelligible4 ,always remember that every period or full stop1 and every note of interrogation1 or of admiration1 must be followed by a capital letter1 beginning the next word4 ,dashes1 particularly in a dialogue1 add much to the effect1 if not used too lavishly4 ,errors of orthography are rarely committed by any one who presumes to write for the press4 ,it is scarcely possible for a person who reads much to spell incorrectly1 as the appearance of the printed words becomes insensibly and indelibly fixed in the mind4 ,still it may be well to write with a dictionary on your table1 in case you should have any doubt as to the proper spelling and meaning of a word with which you may not be very familiar4 ,keep also a grammar on your table4 ,grammatical errors are annoying to the reader1 and disgraceful to the writer1 unless it is well known that she has not had the advantage of an education1 even at a common school4 ,then she is to be pitied4 ,but it is never too late to study grammar1 and she had best do so before she ventures to write for the public4 ,if she writes ungrammatically1 how must she talk6 ,in a work of fiction it is shocking to have lords and ladies1 or the noble and dignified hero1 and the elegant and refined heroine1 conversing in bad grammar1 because the author knew no better4 ,yet such books we have seen4 ,there are1 luckily1 not many of them4 ,but there should be none4 ,every morning1 previous to commencing your task1 revise carefully all that you have written on the preceeding day1 and correct and alter whatever you may deem susceptible of improvement4 ,some authors revise every page as soon as they have written it4 ,but1 unless you are much pressed for time1 it is best to do this next morning1 when your perceptions are fresh and clear4 ,in crossing or blotting out1 do it effectually1 so that the original words may not appear through1 and remain still legible4 ,if you find that you have omitted a word1 or if you wish to change one word for another1 interline it2 inserting the new word just above the line to which it belongs1 and placing this mark _/ below4 ,lay aside each page as you finish it4 ,be particular in numbering every page2 and it is best to do this before you begin1 placing the number near the top of the right-hand corner4 ,let not your lines be too close1 or there will not be space enough for legible interlining4 ,if the publisher lives in your own town1 it will be sufficient to roll up the manuscript in clean white paper1 twisted at each end1 and wafered in the middle4 ,but however short the distance1 write on the outside of the paper the full direction of the publishing office2 that1 in case of its being dropped in the street1 any person finding it may know exactly where to take it4 ,in putting up a large manuscript1 in a packet for transmission to a distant place1 use strong nankeen paper for the cover1 and secure it with wafers1 or paste1 if it is to go a voyage in a steamer1 as a wax seal may be melted by the heat of the fire4 ,if it will reach its destination in a few hours1 you may seal it with wax1 having tied red tape about4 ,do not use twine1 as that may cut the paper4 ,newspapers are generally put up in a brownish paper cover1 pasted at the side and bottom1 with one end left open4 ,postage is now so cheap1 that manuscripts had best always be transmitted by mail2 putting a sufficient number of stamps on the outside1 all close to each other4 ,few women can write well enough for publication1 without going twice over the subject2 first in what is called the rough copy1 and then making a fair copy with all the original errors corrected1 and all proper alterations inserted4 ,if you have time1 make two fair copies2 one for the printer1 and one to keep for yourself1 in case the other should be accidentally destroyed or lost--retaining it till after the work is actually in print4 ,much postage is wasted1 and much annoyance is given to the editors of periodicals1 by applications for the restoration of unpublished verses1 and other ,rejected ,addresses1 consisting1 perhaps1 of a sheet of poetry1 or a few pages of prose1 of which it would have been very easy to have made another copy for the author's keeping4 ,in writing articles for ,annuals1 let it be remembered that the printing of these books is always completed some months before they are published or announced for sale4 ,therefore1 all contributions should be sent to the publisher before ,february1 or ,march at farthest4 ,for a magazine1 they should be transmitted at least two months in advance4 ,for a weekly paper1 two weeks ahead4 ,those who write for periodicals should remember that it is the custom to address all letters on compensations1 copies of work1 c4 to the publisher2 and not to the editor1 who seldom has any concern in the pecuniary affairs1 his business being solely to receive1 and read the manuscripts1 to accept or reject them1 and to arrange them for the press4 ,it is not usual for the compensation to be paid till after the book is published4 ,some publishers send to every contributor one copy of the work4 ,others do not present a copy when the article is very short--for instance1 a few stanzas of verse4 ,prose obtains a higher price than poetry1 of which there is always a superabundance in the market4 ,much poetry is published without any pay at all2 the writers being contented with seeing their effusions in print4 ,no good author has any occasion to write gratuitously4 ,a merely passable or just tolerable writer of poetry or fiction1 should give up the inventive line1 and try something else--something for which genius is not indispensable2 and from which1 by patience and industry1 a sort of living may be wrought out4 ,in composing poetry1 a common1 but unpardonable fault is that of introducing a lame or halting line--a line with one syllable too many1 or too few4 ,and if the author does not understand that it is an intolerable blemish1 and sends it uncorrected to the press1 she is unworthy of being called a poetess4 ,we are inclined to believe that no person devoid of an ear for music1 can write poetry deserving of the name4 ,the ideas may be good1 but the lines will have no melody1 and will move harshly and ruggedly1 very much like rough prose4 ,some writers seem to think that blank verse is nothing but prose with a capital at the beginning of each line2 never having learnt or remembered that though the lines do not rhyme1 they must all comprise ten syllables1 7syllables1 not words17 otherwise the effect when read1 will1 to even a tolerable ear1 be absolutely painful4 ,we saw a play1 7the first attempt of a since distinguished dramatist17 the dialogue of which was unintelligible to the audience1 and nearly impracticable to the actors1 who found it absolutely beyond their skill to enunciate2 or rather beneath it4 ,we afterward heard the manager of the ,chestnut-street ,theatre explain1 that the difficulty1 both with the speakers and the hearers1 was the execrable blank verse in which the play was written2 some of the lines containing but seven or eight syllables1 7instead of ten17 and some twelve or fourteen4 ,a very few ,english authors write irregular blank verse2 but we are sorry to say that a great many ,americans do not seem to understand the process1 simple as it is1 of confining themselves to ten syllables only1--neither more nor less4 ,can they have read ,shakspeare8 ,there is no blank verse in ,french poetry4 ,that language seems incapable of it4 ,if you are writing for a periodical1 and are desirous of ascertaining before-hand how many pages your manuscript will make when printed1 take1 at random1 any printed page of the work1 and copy it in your usual hand1 and on a sheet of the same paper you intend using throughout4 ,you will thus1 by comparison1 be able to judge with tolerable accuracy1 how much of your writing will make a page when printed4 ,keep a memorandum-book for the express purpose of setting down whatever relates to your literary affairs4 ,insert the day when you commenced a manuscript1 the day when you finished it1 and the day on which it went to the publisher4 ,also1 the whole number of its pages4 ,when you see it in print1 put down the number of its printed pages4 ,in this book1 set down1 immediately on receiving them1 whatever sums are paid to you for your writings4 ,if you are a writer of fiction1 have a large book for memorandums1 of any amusing or remarkable things you may chance to hear1 and which you may turn to account afterward4 ,if you write truth only1 keep a book for the reception of useful or interesting facts4 ,a written book of names1 alphabetically arranged1 7surnames and ,christian names17 will be of great advantage in selecting appellations for your characters4 ,do not give elegant names to your common people2 or to your patrician characters names that are coarse and vulgar4 ,a fault in ,dickens is that nearly all his names are rugged1 uncouth1 and ill-sounding1 and seldom characteristic4 ,why should a very excellent and generous brother and sister be called ,tom ,pinch and ,ruth ,pinch4 ,what did they pinch8 ,there is a proof-reader in every printing-office1 but after he has done1 the proofs are generally sent to the author for farther revisal4 ,in correcting proof-sheets1 first see that they are quite dry4 ,draw your pen through any word you desire to change1 and then write the new word on the margin1 placing it even with the line of the rejected word4 ,when you alter the punctuation1 converting a comma into a semicolon1 or a period into a note of admiration1 make a slight mark on the margin of that line1 that the printer may not overlook it4 ,if you have occasion to change a whole sentence1 cross it out1 and put the new sentence on the margin at the bottom of the page4 ,if the printer's boy can wait1 you had best correct the proofs while he stays4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,children4 ,miss ,edgworth says that the education of a child begins at three months old4 ,it is true that both bad and good habits may seem to commence at this early age2 but we do not believe that in so slight a soil they take a very deep root1 or that what is called a cross baby is sure to grow up an ill-tempered adult4 ,infants1 when they are not really sick1 frequently cry from some incidental annoyance1 and not from a fretful disposition4 ,if they feel comfortably they will usually be good-humoured and pleasant4 ,much of their comfort is sacrificed to the vanity of the mother in dressing them fashionably and expensively4 ,we knew a baby that was very good in the morning1 but very cross in the afternoon1 or when dressed for show4 ,and no wonder1 for in her show-costume she was tortured with necklace1 sleeve-loops1 and bracelets of fine branchy1 or rather briary coral1 scratching and irritating her delicate skin1 and leaving the print in red marks4 ,on our representing this to the mother as the probable cause of the baby's fretfulness1 the thorny ornaments were left off1 and the child became amiable4 ,gold chains are also very irritating to the neck and arms of an infant4 ,coral beads of a smooth round form1 strung evenly on a simple thread of silk1 without any intermingling of gold chain1 are1 perhaps1 the most comfortable necklaces for children1 and are also very becoming2 but as they are not expensive1 they are of course not fashionable4 ,fortunately1 the days of worked caps are over4 ,young ladies are no longer expected to cover pieces of cambric with elaborate cotton embroidery for the babies of their married friends1 and the tender heads of the babies are no longer chafed with rough needle-work rubbing incessantly upon them1 or heated with a silk lining to the cambric already thickened all over with close1 heavy patterns4 ,we wish also that mothers1 generally1 were less proud of seeing their babies with luxuriant heads of hair1 which if it has no natural tendency to curl1 disfigures the child and gives it a wild1 ungenteel look4 ,if it does curl1 it still heats the head and neck1 and is said to draw away much strength from the system4 ,the most healthy infants we have seen1 had very little hair1 or it was judiciously kept closely cut4 ,to curl children's hair in papers is barbarous4 ,they pay dearly for the glory of appearing in ringlets during the day1 if they are made to pass their nights lying upon a mass of hard1 rough bobs1 about as pleasant as if they had their heads in a bag of hickory-nuts4 ,but then the mother has the gratification of hearing their curls admired6 ,among other sufferings inflicted on babies is that of sending them out in bleak winter days with brimless hats1 that1 so far from screening their faces from the cold wind1 do not even afford the slightest shade to their eyes1 which are winking and watering all the time from the glare of the sun and snow4 ,we have seen false curls pinned to these babies' hats1 and dangling in their eyes4 ,another detestable practice is that of making the waists of children's frocks ridiculously long and painfully tight2 particularly over the chest and body1 which are thus pressed flat1 to the utter ruin of the figure1 and the risk of producing incurable diseases--such as consumption of the lungs1 and projection of the spine2 to say nothing of the various complaints connected with the stomach1 which is thus squeezed into half its natural compass4 ,also1 the sleeve-holes are so small and tight as to push up the shoulders4 ,then the hips are pressed downward far below their proper place1 and the legs are consequently in danger of becoming short and bandy4 ,is it possible this vile fashion can continue much longer8--and are the rising generation really to grow up with high shoulders1 round backs1 flat chests1 bodies that seem longer than their legs1 and hips almost where their knees ought to be8 ,also1 these limbs must suffer from cold in winter with no other covering than cotton stockings1 the skirts of the dress scarcely reaching to the knees--the little boys disfigured with the ugliest of all garments1 short knee-breeches4 ,add to all the rest of these abominations1 tight boots with peaked toes1 and can we wonder that children1 even beyond the period of infancy1 should1 at times1 be cross1 irritable1 and unamiable4 ,how can they be otherwise1 when they seldom feel comfortably8 ,then1 if the parents can afford it1 7or whether or not17 the unhappy children are bedizened with all manner of expensive finery1 and interdicted from romping1 lest they should injure it4 ,but1 what matter if the children suffer--the mother's vanity must be gratified1 and she must have the delight of seeing that her boys and girls are as fashionably dressed as the little ,thomsons and ,wilsons and ,jacksons4 ,we look back with regret to the days when little girls1 as well as boys1 wore their hair closely cropped2 convenient and cool1 and showing to advantage the form of the head1 till they were twelve or thirteen--and they wore only washable dresses1 descending far below the knees1 and with pantalets down to their ankles4 ,in summer their frocks had short wide sleeves1 and were not close up to the throat4 ,the bodies were of a natural length1 the outside gathered full upon a moderately tight lining4 ,if there is no lining to a full frock-body it will puff out at the back and front1 and give the waist a look of deformity before and behind4 ,then the little girls went out in close cottage-bonnets of straw in summer1 and beaver in winter--shading and screening their faces--and were kept warm when out of doors with long wide cloaks or coats of cloth or merino1 instead of the fantastic short things now worn1 with open sleeves and open fronts4 ,then1 when at home1 how innocent and childlike they looked in their long-sleeved convenient bib-aprons6--so much better than the short silk ones now worn1 trimmed and bordered and ribboned1 and rendered so fine that the children are expected to be as careful of injuring their showy aprons as of soiling their showy frocks4 ,formerly1 children learned to play various amusing games1 such as ,hot buttered beans1 ,blind-man's bluff1 c4 ,now their play is chiefly running and squealing1 and chasing each other about1 without any definite object1 except that of making a noise4 ,then1 at a juvenile party1 the amusement was chiefly in the varieties of these entertaining games4 ,now it is dancing--for as many as can find places to dance--and nothing at all for those who cannot1 but to grow tired and sleepy4 ,in former times1 children's parties commenced at two o'clock in the afternoon in winter1 and at four in summer4 ,they played till they were summoned to a large and well-supplied tea-table1 and were sent for to come home by eight o'clock1 being then quite tired enough to go to bed and sleep soundly1 and waken with pleasant recollections of yesterday4 ,if the party was very large1 the elder children sat round the room1 and tea1 c4 was handed to them1 while the little ones were accommodated at a table where the hostess presided4 ,the children of that time really enjoyed these parties1 and so would those of the present time1 if they could have such4 ,the juvenile-party dress was then but a simple white muslin frock with a ribbon sash4 ,we have since seen little girls at a summer party steadfastly refuse strawberries and cream1 in obedience to the interdiction of their mothers2 who had enjoined them to do so1 lest they should stain or otherwise injure their elegant silk dresses4 ,fortunately1 it is no longer fashionable for mothers to take their children with them on morning visits4 ,on these occasions small children rarely behave well4 ,they soon grow tired1 and restless1 and begin teazing to go somewhere else4 ,their presence is 7or ought to be7 a restraint on conversation1 as much may be said during a visit that is not well for them to hear4 ,they comprehend certain things far more easily than is supposed4 ,great mischief has ensued from allowing children to sit and listen2 and there is no dependence on their discretion or secrecy4 ,it is not well to put a small child through its facings1 by trying to make it exhibit any of its little feats before strangers4 ,they are generally very reluctant to make this exhibition4 ,sometimes they are bashful1 sometimes perverse2 but if the mother persists in her attempt to show them off1 it will probably prove a complete failure1 and end in a cry1 or that outbreak usually called a tantrum4 ,by-the-bye1 there is no better way of stopping a tantrum than quietly to divert the child's attention to something else4 ,beware of trusting an infant1 too confidingly1 to an ,european nurse2 and when she carries out the baby1 it would be well if an older sister or the mother herself could go along4 ,instead of carrying it to one of the public squares1 or to some other place where there is air and shade1 she may take it into dirty alleys1 on a visit to some of her own relations1 perhaps newly arrived in an emigrant ship1 with the filth and diseases of a steerage passage still about them4 ,this we know to have been done1 and the child has in consequence taken a disgusting disease4 ,or1 believing it a meritorious act1 an ,irish nurse may secretly carry the infant to a priest1 and have it baptized in the ,catholic church1 herself standing godmother4 ,of this there have been numerous instances4 ,young children frequently acquire1 from being too much with ignorant and vulgar nurses1 bad habits of talking that are exceedingly difficult to eradicate--so lasting are early impressions4 ,we have heard an ,irish brogue from infantine lips2 and the letter ,h sadly misused by the ,american nursling of a low ,englishwoman4 ,above all1 do not permit your own children to play with the children of their nurse4 ,no good ever accrues from it4 ,children should not be brought to table till they are able to feed themselves1 first with a spoon1 and next with a fork4 ,and not then1 unless they can be depended on to keep quiet1 and not talk4 ,the chattering of children all dinner-time is a great annoyance to grown people4 ,the shrill voice of a child can be distinguished annoyingly amid those of a whole company4 ,they should be made to understand that if they talk at table1 they are to be immediately taken away to finish their dinner in the nursery4 ,on no consideration should they be admitted to table when there is a dinner-party4 ,the foolish custom of having all the children dressed for the purpose1 and brought in with the dessert1 is now obsolete4 ,it never was very prevalent1 except in ,england4 ,we have seen children so well and so early trained that they could be trusted to come to table every day without the least fear of their misbehaving by talking or otherwise4 ,they sat quietly1 asked for nothing1 took contentedly whatever was put on their plates1 made no attempt at helping themselves1 and neither greased nor slopped the table-cloth2 and when done1 wiped their mouths and hands on their napkins1 before they quitted their chairs1 which they did at a sign from their mother2 going out without noise1 and neither leaving the door open nor slamming it hard4 ,it is very easy to accustom children to these observances4 ,also1 they may be taught very early1 how to behave to visiters4 ,for instance1 not to pass between them and the fire1 not to hang on the back of a lady's chair2 or to squeeze close to her2 or to get on her lap2 or to finger her dress2 or to search her reticule1 or her pocket2 or to ask a stranger for pennies or sixpences2 or to tell her that she is not pretty2 or to enquire why she wears such an ugly bonnet8 ,we have known a fine little boy1 not three years old1 who1 on the entrance of a friend of his mother's1 would haul up a chair for her1 and invite her to a seat near the fire1 place a footstool at her feet1 ask her to let him take her bonnet1 and invite her to stay to dinner1 to stay all day1 and to stay for ever1 adding1 ,i try to be polite4 ,there are very little girls who1 if their mother is from home1 can do the honours in her place2 seat the visiter on the sofa1 and press her to stay till their mother comes in2 and if the lady declines doing so1 they will ask her at least to stay awhile1 and rest herself1 and have a glass of cool water2 and while she stays1 they will do their best to entertain her4 ,such children always grow up with polished manners1 if not removed from the influence that made them so in early life4 ,children should be early taught not to repeat the conversation of grown persons1 and never to tell the servants any thing they have heard in the parlour4 ,when they come home from school1 they ought not to be encouraged in telling school-tales4 ,if they dine out1 never question them concerning what they had for dinner4 ,forbid their relating any circumstances concerning the domestic economy of the house at which they have been entertained4 ,if a child purloins cakes or sweetmeats1 punish him by giving him none the next time they are on table4 ,at four years of age1 a beginning should be made in teaching them to read1 by hearing them the alphabet every day till they have learned it perfectly2 and afterwards the first spelling-tables4 ,with a quarter of an hour's daily instruction1 a child of common capacity will1 in six months1 be able to spell in two or three syllables1 and to read short easy stories with the syllables divided4 ,at the end of the year1 if her lessons are regular1 and not so long as to tire her1 she will1 in all probability1 take pleasure in reading to herself1 when her lessons are over4 ,were they taught out of story-books only1 there are few children that at the age of six years would find any difficulty in reading fluently4 ,if very intelligent1 they often can read well at five4 ,when they can once read1 encourage them in the love of books2 but do not set them at any other branch of education till they are eight4 ,then1 their hands being strong enough to guide the pen firmly1 they may commence writing copies4 ,they should be supplied with slates and pencils at three years old4 ,if they have any dormant talent for drawing1 this will call it out4 ,little girls may begin to sew at four or five1 but only as an amusement1 not as a task4 ,the best and most satisfactory dolls for young children are those of linen or rag1 made very substantially4 ,much money is wasted in toys that afford them no amusement whatever2 and toys that1 being merely to look at1 they grow tired of immediately1 and delight in breaking to pieces4 ,never give an infant a book to play with4 ,he will most assuredly tear it2 that being the only amusement it can afford him4 ,it is possible at a very early age to teach a tractable female child such a respect for books that she will never attempt to injure them4 ,when they are old enough to take pleasure in looking at the pictures1 it is easy to accustom them to be always satisfied with the books being shown to them in the hands of grown persons4 ,do not buy those books that have absurd and revolting prints of people with gigantic heads and diminutive bodies4 ,children always dislike them1 and so they ought4 ,rejoice when a little girl shows a fondness for reading1 and by all means encourage it4 ,keep her well supplied with good and entertaining books1 and you will have little trouble with her4 ,do not needlessly interrupt1 and call her off--but let her read in peace4 ,it will do her more good than any thing else1 and lay the foundation of an intelligent mind4 ,a taste for reading1 if not formed in early childhood1 may perhaps never come at all4 ,and then what a solace it is in bodily illness6 ,how patiently a reading child1 whose mind is stored with pleasant memories1 can bear pain1 and submit to the confinement of a sick-bed4 ,we have known more than one instance of the illness of a reading child taking a turn for the better1 from the time she was indulged with an amusing and interesting book4 ,there is no place in which children appear to greater disadvantage or are less ungovernable than at hotels or boarding-houses4 ,we are always sorry when the circumstances of parents oblige them permanently to live thus in public1 with their young families1 who are consequently brought up in a manner which cannot but have an unfavourable effect in forming the characters of the future men and women4 ,by way of variety1 and that they may not always be confined up-stairs1 the children are encouraged1 or at least permitted by their mothers1 to spend much of their time in the drawing-room1 regardless of the annoyance which their noise and romping never fails to inflict upon the legitimate occupants of that apartment4 ,the parents1 loving their children too much to be incommoded themselves by any thing that their offspring can say or do1 seem not aware that they can possibly interrupt or trouble the rest of the company4 ,or else1 conscious of their own inability to control them1 they are afraid to check the children lest they should turn restive1 rebel1 or break out into a tantrum4 ,any thing for the sake of peace1 is a very foolish maxim where juveniles are concerned4 ,by being firm once or twice1 and dismissing them from the room when they deserve it1 you may have peace ever after4 ,the noisiest and most inconvenient time to have children in a public parlour is in the interval between their tea and their bed-time4 ,some children have no bed-time4 ,and when they are tired of scampering and shouting1 they lie about sleeping on the sofas1 and cry if they are finally wakened1 to go up with their mother when she retires for the night4 ,still worse is the practice that prevails in some hotels and boarding-houses1 of the mothers sending the nurse-maids with the babies1 to sit in the drawing-room among the ladies2 who are thus liable to have a vulgar and obtrusive servant-girl1 most probably from the old country1 boldly taking her seat in the midst of them1 or conspicuously occupying one of the front-windows2 either keeping up a perpetual undercurrent of fulsome1 foolish talk to the baby1 or listening eagerly to the conversation around her1 and1 perhaps1 repeating it invidiously as soon as she gets an opportunity4 ,if one lady sends her nurse-maid to sit in the drawing-room with the child1 all the other mothers of babies immediately follow suit1 and the drawing-room becomes a mere nursery4 ,every hotel should have a commodious and airy parlour set apart entirely for the children and nurses4 ,the proprietors could easily afford to keep one good room for that purpose1 if they would expend a little less on the finery of the parlours1 c4 ,we have heard of an embroidered piano-cover1 in a great hotel1 costing fourteen hundred dollars1 and the children pulling it down and dragging it about the floor4 ,with a piano-cover of the usual cost1 and other things less ostentatious1 a children's parlour might well have been afforded in this very establishment4 ,at a hotel1 if the children come to the ladies' table1 they are always in danger of eating food that is highly improper for them1 and they very soon learn to help themselves to much more than they want1 and to eat voraciously1 in their desire to have something of every thing4 ,there is always a table purposely for those children whose parents pay half-price for them2 and at which the housekeeper presides4 ,however good this table may be1 and though the pies and puddings may be excellent1 the mothers are frequently dissatisfied with the absence of ice-cream1 blanc-mange1 charlotte-russe1 c41 though certainly1 were they in houses of their own1 they would not have such things every day4 ,therefore1 though it is not in the bond1 the mothers carry away from the table saucers of these delicacies1 and the children learn to expect a daily supply of them from the ladies' dining-room4 ,this1 we must say1 is a mean practice4 ,we have1 however1 known some mothers1 who1 really being honourable women1 sent every day to a confectioner's to buy ice-cream for their children4 ,there is danger at a hotel of little boys loitering about the bar or office1 encouraged by unthinking young men1 who give them tastes of drink1 and even amuse themselves by teaching them to smoke segars4 ,and no children1 either boys or girls1 can live at a public house without hearing and seeing much that it is best they should not know4 ,the ,english travellers deprecate the ,american practice of bringing up young people in hotels or boarding-houses4 ,and they are right4 ,when a lady1 having with her a young child1 and no nurse-maid1 stops for a day at a hotel1 she can avoid the inconvenience of taking the child with her to table1 and incommoding herself and all who sit near her4 ,she has only to entrust the little traveller to a chambermaid up-stairs2 directing the girl how to take care of it1 and promising her a gratuity for her trouble4 ,she will rarely have cause to regret such an arrangement4 ,it will spare the annoyance and mortification of having the child make a noise at table1 and perhaps compelling the mother to go away with it4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,decorum ,,in ,,church4 ,we wish it were less customary to go to church in gay and costly habiliments1 converting its sacred precincts into a place for the display of finery1 and of rivalry to your equally bedizened neighbours4 ,in many ,catholic countries1#ag a peculiar costume is universally adopted for visiting a place of worship--a very plain gown of entire black1 with a long1 black cloak1 and a black hood finished with a veil that shades the face4 ,this dress is kept for the purpose of wearing at church4 ,we highly approve the custom1 and wish that something similar could be introduced into the ,united ,states--particularly on the solemn occasions of taking the communion1 or being confirmed as a ,christian member4 ,we have known young ladies to have elegant dresses made on purpose1 and to get their hair dressed by a barber when preparing for confirmation4 ,in a ,sacred ,melody of ,moore's1 ,st4 ,jerome tells us-- ,yet worldly is that heart at best1 ,which beats beneath a broider'd veil2 ,and she who comes in glittering vest ,to mourn her frailty--still is frail4 ,endeavour always to be in your pew before the service commences1 and do not hurry out of it1 hastily1 the moment the benediction is finished2 or begin visibly to prepare for departure as soon as it commences4 ,stay quietly till the mass of the crowd has gone4 ,if you go into a strange church1 or rather into a church where you are a stranger1 wait in the vestibule till you see the sexton2 and then request him to show you to a vacant seat1 or rather to one which he believes will be that day unoccupied--for instance1 if the family owning it is out of town4 ,this is far better than to wander about the aisles alone1 or to intrude yourself into a pew where you may cause inconvenience to its owners4 ,if you see that a pew is full1 you know1 of course1 that you cannot obtain a seat in it without dislodging somebody4 ,yet we have seen many a lady1 on entering a church in which she was a stranger1 walk boldly up the middle aisle to one of the best pews near the pulpit1 and pertinaciously stand there1 looking steadfastly at its rightful occupants1 till one of them quitted his own seat1 and gave it up to her1 seeking for himself another place wherever he could find one4 ,those who go to strange churches should be contented with seats near the door2 or at the lower end of the side-aisles2 or up in the gallery4 ,if a family invites you to go to church with them1 or to come thither1 and have a seat in their pew1 do not take the liberty of asking a friend of your own to accompany you2 and above all1 do not bring a child with you4 ,should you 7having a pew of your own7 ask another lady to go with you1 call for her in due time2 and she ought to be quite ready4 ,place her in a corner-seat1 7it being the most comfortable17 and see that she is accommodated with a foot-stool2 and be assiduous in finding the places for her in the prayer-book1 or hymn-book4 ,in ,american churches there is much civility to strangers4 ,we have often seen1 when a person of respectable appearance was in quest of a seat1 the doors of half a dozen pews kindly opened to admit him1 and1 as soon as he entered1 a prayer-book offered to him open at the proper place4 ,no good can result from taking children to church when they are too young to read1 or to understand4 ,they are always eager to go1 because they like to go everywhere2 but when once seated in the pew1 they soon become tired and restless2 and frequently there is no way to keep them quiet1 but to let them go to sleep in the lap of the mother or elder sister4 ,and then they are apt to cry whenever they waken4 ,if there are two little boys1 they are prone to get to playing1 or what is far worse1 quarrelling4 ,and then if they make a noise1 some elder member of the family is subjected to the mortification of conveying them out of church--perhaps by desire of the minister audibly expressed from the pulpit4 ,we know clergymen who do not permit their children to be taken to church till they can read--convinced that if their first recollections of a place of worship are rather painful than pleasant1 they are the less likely to grow up with a due regard for religion--that is1 for religion of the heart--the spirit1 and not merely the letter4 ,we are sorry to see young ladies1 on their way to church1 laughing and talking loudly1 and flirting with the beaux that are gallanting them thither4 ,it is too probable that these beaux will occupy a large share of their thoughts during the hours of worship4 ,nay1 there are some so irreverent1 and so regardless of the sanctity of the place1 as to indulge in frequent whispers to those near them1 or to their friends in the adjoining pews4 ,a lady of high fashion and fortune1 formerly a resident of ,philadelphia1 was noted for the scandalous lightness and levity of her behaviour in church--laughing and talking1 in more than whispers1 nearly all the time1 to the idle young men whom she always brought with her1 and who1 to do them justice1 sometimes seemed rather ashamed of her conduct4 ,her pew was directly in front of the pulpit4 ,one ,sunday morning1 ,bishop ,white gave her a severe and merited rebuke1 by stopping in his sermon1 fixing his eyes sadly upon her1 and bowing to her1 as an intimation that till she had ceased he could not go on4 ,we are sorry to add that the reproof had no other effect than to excite her anger1 and caused her immediately to go out of church1 highly exasperated4 ,that lady went to live in ,europe1 and has not yet become a good woman1 but greatly the contrary4 ,the ,lord is in his holy temple2 let all the earth keep silence before him1 was the solemn and impressive inscription over the altar of ,st4 ,augustine's church in ,philadelphia4 ,in visiting a church of a different denomination from your own1 comply1 as far as you can1 with all the ceremonies observed by the congregation1 particularly if you are in a foreign country4 ,even if some of these observances are not the least in conformity with your own opinions and feelings1 remember that you are there as a guest1 and have no right to offend or give displeasure to your hosts by evincing a marked disapprobation of their mode of worship4 ,if you find it very irksome to refrain1 7which it should not be17 you need not go a second time4 ,every religious sect believes its own faith to be the best2 but ,god only knows which really is4 ,christ has said1 ,by their fruits ye shall know them4 ,,footnote3 #ag ,the author is a ,protestant4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,evening ,,parties4 ,having made out a list of the persons you intend to invite1 proceed to write the notes2 or have them written in a neat1 handsome hand1 by an experienced calligrapher4 ,fashion1 in its various changes1 sometimes decrees that these notes1 and their envelopes1 shall be perfectly plain1 7though always of the finest paper17 and that the wax seals shall of course be very small4 ,at other times1 the mode is to write on embossed note paper1 with bordered envelopes1 secured by fancy wafers1 transparent1 medallion1 gold or silver4 ,if the seals are gold or silver1 the edges or borders of the paper should be also gilt or silvered4 ,sometimes1 for a very large or splendid party1 the notes are engraved and printed on cards4 ,consult the ,directory1 to obtain the exact address of those to whom you send them4 ,these invitations may be transmitted by one of the ,city post offices2 first putting a stamp on each4 ,let the stamps be such as will leave nothing additional to be paid by the receiver4 ,if they go through the ,united ,states ,post-,office1 the carrier will require another cent for each1 beside the stamp4 ,in ,philadelphia1 ,blood's ,dispatch ,post may be trusted1 as to punctuality1 7if faithfully put into the letter-box at the proper time27 and there is no cost but that of the penny stamp which you put on yourself4 ,another way is to send round the notes by a reliable servant-man of your own2 or to engage1 for this purpose1 one of the public waiters that are hired to attend at parties4 ,the notes are usually sent either eight1 seven1 or six days before the party--if it is to be very large1 ten days or two weeks4 ,in the notes1 always specify not only the day of the week1 but also the day of the month1 when the party is to take place4 ,it is very customary now to designate the hour of assembling1 and then the company are expected to be punctual to that time4 ,people1 really genteel1 do not go ridiculously late4 ,when a ball is intended1 let the word ,dancing be introduced in small letters1 at the lower left-hand corner of the note4 ,for a bridal party1 subsequent to a wedding1 the words now used are thus-- ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,s4 ,m4 ,,morland1 ,at ,home1 on ,thursday evening1 ,sept4 #bb1 #ahec4 ,their residence must be given beneath1 in a corner1 and in smaller letters4 ,oblong slices of plumb-cake1 iced all over1 are now sent round in very pretty white card-board boxes1 exactly fitting each slice1 covered on the inside with lace-paper1 and an engraved card of the bride and groom laid on the top of the cake4 ,these boxes 7to be had at the fancy stationers17 are of various prices2 some of them are very elegant and costly4 ,at wedding-parties1 it is usual for the bride and bridesmaids to appear in exactly the same dresses they wore at the marriage2 all of them ranged in their respective stations before the company begin to arrive4 ,when the marriage-guests are not too numerous1 it is customary to have all the company shown into the largest parlour1 when they first arrive2 the folding-doors being closed between4 ,meanwhile1 the bride and groom1 bridesmaids and groomsmen1 with the heads of the family1 arrange themselves in a line or a semi-circle2 the most important personages in the centre1 with the clergyman in front of them4 ,when all is ready1 the doors are thrown open1 the guests advance1 and the ceremony begins4 ,when it is over1 and the bride is receiving the compliments of her friends1 we hope the silliest woman present will not go up and ask her the foolish question1 ,if she does not feel already like an old married woman8 ,a crowd at a wedding is now obsolete4 ,we once heard of a marriage in a great family1 where the company was so numerous that all the doors were blocked up1 and quite inaccessible2 and the bride could only make her entrance by being taken round outside1 and lifted through a back window--the groom jumping in after her4 ,dancing at weddings is old-fashioned4 ,a band of music playing in the hall is of no use1 as on such occasions no one listens to it1 and some complain of the noise4 ,we think a marriage in church is not as fine a spectacle as may be imagined4 ,the effect is lost in the size of the building1 and broken up by the intervention of the aisles and pews2 the wedding guests seated in the latter1 and the former occupied by people out of the street1 coming in to see the show4 ,and this they will do1 if not forcibly excluded2 particularly idle boys1 and nurse-maids with children1 all trying to get as near the altar as possible4 ,if the bride and groom are to set out on a journey immediately after the ceremony1 it is best for her to be married in a handsome travelling-dress--new for the occasion1 of course4 ,this is often done now4 ,she can reserve the usual wedding costume for her first party after returning home4 ,in preparing for a party1 it is well 7especially if you have had but little experience yourself17 to send for one of the best public waiters1 and consult with him on the newest style of doing these things4 ,a respectable coloured man will be found the most efficient for this purpose4 ,he can also give you an idea of the probable expense4 ,we do not1 of course1 allude to magnificent entertainments1 such as are celebrated in the newspapers1 and become a nine days' wonder2 and are cited as costing1 not hundreds1 but thousands of dollars4 ,in case the required waiter should be pre-engaged1 it is well to send for1 and consult him1 a week or two before your party4 ,we knew a lady who1 some years ago1 sent for ,carroll1 7a very excellent mulatto man1 well known in ,philadelphia17 to officiate at a projected party4 ,carroll1 in very polite terms1 expressed that he was engaged for that identical evening to attend at a ball4 ,then1 said the lady1 you must try to furnish me with some one else1 in your place4 ,where is ,bogle8 ,i know ,bogle can't come1 answered ,carroll2 he is bespoke that night for a wedding4 ,shepherd1 then8 said the lady2 see if you cannot send me ,shepherd4 ,as to ,shepherd1 replied ,carroll1 he is sick in his bed1 and like to keep so4 ,where is ,solomon ,king1 then8 pursued the lady2 ,solomon ,king will do very well4 ,indeed1 ma'am1 answered ,carroll1 ,i don't think ,solomon ,king will suit you now1 anyhow2 he's taken very much to drink1 and besides he's dead6 ,apropos to the talk of coloured people4--,we were told by a southern lady1 that one of her girls being dressed for an entertainment given by a neighbour to the servants1 came to her1 and said3 ,mistress1 ,becky has come for me to go with her2 and she says her mistress has gave her two grand words to say at the party4--,now1 ,i want you to give me two words that shall beat ,becky's2 for ,i know you are a heap smarter than her mistress4 ,tell me the words given by ,becky's mistress1 said my informant4 ,yes1 ma'am4--,one is ,desdemona1 and one is ,cataplasm6 ,no doubt1 ,becky1 in some way1 contrived to say them both4 ,in engaging your presiding genius1 it is well to desire him to come on the morning of the party2 he will be found of great advantage in assisting with the final preparations4 ,he will attend to the silver1 and china1 and glass2 and see that the lamps are all in order1 and that the fires1 coal-grates1 furnaces1 c41 are in proper trim for evening4 ,he will bring with him 7at whatever hour you indicate17 his young men1 as he calls them2 7if coloured youths1 they are too genteel to answer to the name of boys27 and these are his apprentices that he has in training for the profession4 ,one of these men should be stationed in the vestibule1 or just within the front door4 ,on that evening1 7if not at other times17 let this door be furnished with a lamp1 placed on a shelf or bracket in the fan-light1 to illumine the steps1 and shine down upon the pavement1 where the ladies cross it on alighting from the carriages4 ,if the evening proves rainy1 let another man attend with an umbrella1 to assist in sheltering them on their way into the house4 ,the ladies should all wear over-shoes1 to guard their thin slippers from the damp1 in their transit from the coach to the vestibule4 ,at the top1 or on the landing-place1 of the first stair-case1 let another man be posted1 to show the female guests to their dressing-room2 while still another waiter stays near the gentlemen's room till the company have done arriving4 ,in the apartment prepared as a fixing-room for the ladies two or more women should be all the evening in attendance2 both rooms being well warmed1 well lighted1 and furnished with all that may be requisite for giving the last touches to head1 feet1 and figure1 previous to entering the drawing-room4 ,when ready to go down1 the ladies meet their gentlemen in the passage between the respective dressing-rooms2 the beaux being there already1 waiting for the belles1 who must not detain them long--men being very impatient on these1 and all other occasions4 ,if any lady is without an escort1 and has no acquaintances at hand to take her under their wing1 she should send for the master of the house to meet her near the door1 and give her his arm into the drawing-room4 ,he will then lead her to the hostess1 and to a seat4 ,let her then bow1 as a sign that she releases him from farther attendance1 and leaves him at liberty to divide his civilities among his other guests4 ,in the ladies' room1 7beside two toilet glasses with their branches lighted17 let a ,psyche or ,cheval glass be also there4 ,likewise1 a hand-mirror on each toilet to enable the ladies to see the back of their heads2 with an ample supply of pins1 combs1 brushes1 hair pins1 c42 and a work-box containing needles1 thread1 thimble1 and scissors1 to repair accidents to articles of dress4 ,let there be bottles of fine eau de cologne1 and camphor and hartshorn1 in case of faintings4 ,among the furniture1 have a sofa and several foot-stools1 for the ladies to sit on if they wish to change their shoes4 ,the women attending must take charge of the hoods1 cloaks1 shawls1 over-shoes1 c42 rolling up together the things that belong to each lady1 and putting each bundle in some place they can easily remember when wanted at the breaking up of the assembly4 ,it is now the custom for the lady of the house 7and those of her own family17 to be dressed rather plainly1 showing no desire to eclipse any of her guests1 on this her own night4 ,but her attire1 though simple1 should be handsome1 becoming1 and in good taste4 ,her business is1 without any bustle or apparent officiousness1 quietly and almost imperceptibly to try and render the evening as pleasant as possible to all her guests2 introducing those who1 though not yet acquainted1 ought to be2 and finding seats for ladies who are not young enough to continue standing4 ,the custom that formerly prevailed in the absurd days of crowds and jams1 when dense masses were squeezed into small apartments1 of removing every seat and every piece of furniture from the room1 is now obsolete4 ,a hard squeeze is no longer a high boast4 ,genteel people no longer go to parties on the stair-case1 or in the passages4 ,the ladies are not now so compressed that nothing of them is seen but their heads2 the sleeves1 skirts1 c41 undergoing a continual demolition down below4 ,we knew of a lady1 who1 at a late hour1 went to a crowded party in a real blonde dress1 which was rubbed entirely off her before she reached the centre of the room1 and it was hanging about her satin skirt in shreds1 like transparent rags dissolving into air--thin air6 ,for this blonde she had given two hundred dollars2 and she was obliged to go home and exchange its tatters for a costume that was likely to last out the evening4 ,in houses where space is not abundant1 it is now customary to have several moderate parties in the course of the season1 instead of inviting all your dear five hundred friends on the self-same night4 ,when the hour of assembling is designated in the notes of invitation1 7as it always should be17 the guests1 of course1 will take care to arrive as nearly as possible about that hour4 ,at large parties1 tea is usually omitted--it being supposed that every one has already taken that beverage at home1 previous to commencing the business of the toilette4 ,many truly hospitable ladies still continue the custom1 thinking that it makes a pleasant beginning to the evening1 and exhilarates the ladies after the fatigue of dressing and arriving4 ,so it does4 ,for a large company1 a table with tea1 coffee1 and cakes1 may be set in the ladies-room1 women being in attendance to supply the guests with those refreshments before they go down4 ,pitchers of ice-water and glasses should also be kept in this room4 ,if there is no tea1 the refreshments begin with lemonade1 macaroons1 kisses1 c41 sent round soon after the majority of the company has come4 ,if there is tea1 ice-water should be presented after it1 to all2 otherwise1 there will be much inconvenience by numerous ladies dispatching the servants1 separately1 to bring them some4 ,after a little time allotted to conversation1 music is generally introduced by one of the ladies of the family1 if she plays well2 otherwise1 she invites a competent friend to commence4 ,a lady who can do nothing without her notes1 or who cannot read music1 and play at sight1 is scarcely enough of a musician to perform in a large company--for this incapacity is an evidence that she has not a good ear1 or rather a good memory for melody--or that her musical talent wants more cultivation4 ,a large party is no time or place for practising1 or for risking attempts at new things1 or for vainly trying to remember old ones4 ,some young ladies rarely sit down to a piano in any house but their own1 without complaining that the instrument is out of tune4 ,it is a way they have4 ,we have known a fair amateur to whom this complaint was habitual1 and never omitted2 even when we knew that1 to provide against it1 the piano had really been tuned that very day4 ,the tuning of a harp immediately before playing is sometimes a very tedious business4 ,would it not be well for the harpist to come a little earlier than the rest1 and tune it herself previous to their arrival8 ,and let her deem that tuning sufficient for a while1 and not repeat the operation more than once again in the course of the evening1 especially in the midst of her first piece4 ,however delicate may be her own ear1 or exquisitely fastidious her own taste1 she may be assured that few of her audience would detect any deficiency1 if she only went quietly on1 and did not herself imply that deficiency4 ,unless a gentleman is himself familiar with the air1 let him not1 on mounting guard beside the piano1 volunteer to turn over the pages for the lady who is playing4 ,he will certainly turn them over too soon or too late1 and therefore annoy and confuse her4 ,still worse1 let him not attempt to accompany her with his voice1 unless he is an excellent musician1 or accustomed to singing with her4 ,for the hearers to crowd closely round the instrument1 is smothering to the vocalist4 ,let them keep at a proper distance1 and she will sing the better1 and they will hear the better4 ,it is so rude to talk during a song1 that it is never done in company2 but a little low conversation is sometimes tolerated in the adjoining room1 during the performance of one of those interminable pieces of instrumental music1 whose chief merit lies in its difficulty1 and which 7at least to the ears of the uninitiated17 is rather a bore than a pleasure4 ,we have read a ,french novel1 in which the only child of a farmer has just come home from a provincial boarding-school1 and the seigneur1 or lord of the manor1 has volunteered a visit to these his respected tenants4 ,the mother1 amidst all the bustle of preparing a great dinner for the occasion1 comes in to remind ,annette that if the seigneur should ask her to play for him1 she is to curtsey very low1 and thank him for the honour4 ,and then1 ,annette1 adds the good old dame1 be sure to play that tune which your father and ,i hate so much6 ,by the bye1 it is very old fashioned to return thanks to a lady for her singing1 or to tell her she is very kind to oblige the company so often4 ,if she is conscious of really singing well1 and sees that she delights her hearers1 she will not feel sensible of fatigue--at least till the agreeable excitement of conscious success is over4 ,it is ill-mannered1 when a lady has just finished a song1 for another lady to exclaim in her hearing--,mary ,jones sings that delightfully6--or--,how charmingly ,susan ,smith gives us that ballad6 ,let the glories of ,mary ,jones and ,susan ,smith rest1 for that evening1 within the limits of their own circle4 ,do not ask any lady for a song that has already been sung on this very evening by another person4 ,people who have no idea of music sometimes make strange blunders in their requests4 ,we know of a female who1 at a large party1 hearing a young lady accompany her voice on the national instrument of ,spain1 became very urgent to have the ,battle of ,prague performed on the guitar4 ,it is sometimes fashionable1 when the company is not too large for what is called a sitting party1 to vary the amusements of the evening by introducing some of the numerous plays or games which are always the delight of fine children1 and which1 by way of variety1 frequently afford much diversion to adults4 ,it is not necessary that all these plays should become a keen encounter of the wits1 or that all the players should be persons of talent4 ,but it is certainly desirable that the majority of the company should have some tact1 and some quickness of parts2 that they should have read some books1 and mixed somewhat with the world--otherwise1 they will not be clever even at playing plays4 ,those who are incapable of understanding1 or entering into the spirit of a play1 would do well to excuse themselves from joining in it1 and prefer sitting by as spectators4 ,many young ladies can play nothing beyond ,how do you like it8 and are not great at that--saying1 when the question is put to them--,me6 ,i am sure ,i don't know how ,i like it--can't you pass me by8 ,you may as well take her at her word1 pass her by1 and proceed on to her next neighbour2 for if she does concoct an answer1 it will probably1 if the word is brush be liked to sweep the hearth with2 or if ,hat is the word1 it will be liked of ,beaver--or something equally palpable4 ,such plays as ,the ,lawyer1 and ,the ,secret ,word1 are very entertaining in good hands1 but complete failures when attempted by the dull or illiterate4 ,the amusing game of ,proverbs had best be given up for that evening1 if1 on trial1 it is found that few of the ladies have any knowledge of those true1 though homely aphorisms1 that have been aptly called the concentrated wisdom of nations4 ,we know a very ingenious gentleman who1 in playing the ,secret ,word1 contrives to introduce that word in some very short and very humorous anecdote4 ,a family1 on one side of ,european origin1 made a visit to the transatlantic continent1 where they found1 still living in a certain great city1 a relative connected with an ancient branch of nobility4 ,this rendered them more genteel than ever--and when1 covered with glory1 they returned to this poor republic of ours1 the names of nobles1 and even of princes1 with whom they had associated1 were familiar in their mouths as household words4 ,at a party where these personages were so engaged in talking1 that they forgot to keep the run of the plays2 a new game was commenced by a young gentleman slipping out of the room1 and then returning with a very lugubrious visage1 and announcing1 in a melancholy tone1 the death of a certain monarch1 whom all the company were immediately to unite in lamenting loudly1 on pain of paying forfeits unless they steadily persisted in their dismal faces4 ,on the sad intelligence being proclaimed--,the king of ,bohemia is dead6--one of our travelled ladies mistaking it for a solemn truth1 turned to her daughter with--,ah6 ,caroline6 did you hear that8 ,the dear good king of ,bohemia1 who was so kind to us whenever we attended his court6 ,oh6 mamma6 replied ,caroline1 putting her handkerchief to her eyes--the news is really heart-breaking4 ,he paid us so much attention all the time we were in ----1 in his dominions4 ,it will be long before we cease grieving for the king of ,bohemia4 ,the gentleman who brought this deplorable news also had recourse to his handkerchief1 and slipped out into the hall to indulge his mirth2 and several others slipped out after him for the same purpose4 ,no one1 however1 undeceived these ladies1 and for several days at their morning calls they continued to mourn for the king of ,bohemia4 ,conundrums#ah afford infinite diversion at a small party1 provided the company1 like ,billy ,black's cat1 almost always gives up4 ,long guessing occupies too much time2 a commodity of which we ,americans seldom have any to spare4 ,early in the ,mexican war1 a premium was awarded in ,philadelphia for a very clever conundrum1 alluding to a certain ,bold ,dragoon at ,palo ,alto4 ,in what manner did ,captain ,may cheat the ,mexicans8 ,he charged them with a troop of horse which they never got4 ,our confectioners1 in making up the bon bons called secrets1 instead of enfolding with the sugar-plumb a printed slip containing a contemptible distich1 would do well to have good conundrums printed1 7with the answer17 and enclosed in the ornamented papers4 ,they would certainly be more popular than the old-fashioned mottoes--such1 for instance1 as ,my heart1 like a candle of four to the pound1 ,consumes all the day1 and no comfort is found4 ,yet the above is one of the least bad4 ,most of these mottoes are so flat as to be not even ridiculous4 ,at a dancing party1 the ladies of the house decline joining in it1 out of politeness to their guests1 till towards the latter part of the evening1 when the company begins to thin off1 and the dancers are fatigued4 ,we admire a charming girl1 who1 in her own house1 being asked to dance by an agreeable man1 has the self-denial to say to him--,being at home1 and desirous that my friends shall share as much as possible in the enjoyments of the evening1 ,i would rather refrain from dancing myself4 ,let me present you to ,miss ,lindley1 or to ,miss ,darwood2 you will find either of these young ladies a delightful partner4 ,these amiable refusals we have heard from our amiable and unselfish young friends1 and such1 we hope1 are heard often in what is truly the best society4 ,ladies who are strangers in the place1 are1 by courtesy1 entitled to particular attention from those who know them4 ,we have sometimes seen1 at a private ball1 the least attractive woman dancing every set1 7though acquitting herself very ill17 while handsome and agreeable ladies were sitting still4 ,the mystery was solved on finding that the lady of the house carried her ultra benevolence so very far1 as to make a business of procuring partners all the time for this unlovely and unprepossessing female1 lest she should feel neglected4 ,now a certain portion of this officiousness is highly praiseworthy1 but too much of it is a great annoyance to the victimized gentlemen--especially to those who1 as a backwoodsman would say1 are certainly some pumpkins4 ,even the most humane man1 whatever may be the kindness of his heart1 would rather not exhibit himself on the floor with a partner ni jeune ni jolie1 who is ill-dressed1 looks badly1 moves ungracefully1 can neither keep time to the music nor understand the figure1 and in fact has no dancing in her soul4 ,if1 with all the rest1 she is dull and stupid1 it is cruel for any kind friend to inflict her on a gentleman as a partner4 ,yet such things we have seen4 ,on one occasion we threw away a great deal of good pity on a youth1 whom we thought had been inveigled into quadrilling with a lady who made the worst figure we ever saw in a ball-room4 ,we afterwards learned that he had actually solicited the introduction2 and we saw that he devoted himself to her all the remainder of the evening4 ,she was a rich heiress4 ,self-knowledge is a rare acquirement4 ,but when a lady does suspect herself to be deficient in all the essential qualifications of a ball-room1 she should give up dancing entirely1 and be magnanimous enough always to excuse herself positively1 when asked to dance2 especially if verging on a certain age4 ,let all trippings on the light fantastic toe be left to the young and gay4 ,a deformed woman dancing is a sorry sight4 ,she should never consent to any such exhibition of her unhappy figure4 ,she will only be asked out of mere compassion1 or from some interested and unworthy motive4 ,we are asked--,why should not such a lady dance1 if it gives her pleasure8 ,we answer--,it should not give her pleasure4 ,when a lady is so unfortunate as to have a crooked1 or misshapen person1 it is well for her to conceal it as much as possible1 by wearing a shawl1 a large cape1 a mantilla1 a long sacque1 7not a polka jacket27 and on no account a tight-bodied pelisse2 or still worse1 a spencer--than which last1 nothing is more trying to the form of the waist1 except a riding-habit4 ,we saw ,frederika ,bremer at an evening assemblage1 and she was so judiciously attired1 that her personal defects did not prevent her from looking really well4 ,over a rich black satin dress1 she wore a long loose sacque of black lace1 lined with grey silk4 ,from beneath the short sleeves of her sacque1 came down long wide sleeves of white lace1 confined with bracelets round her fair and delicate little hands4 ,her throat was covered closely with a handsome collar of ,french embroidered muslin1 and her beautiful and becoming cap was of white lace1 white flowers1 and white satin ribbon--her light hair being simply parted on her broad and intellectual forehead4 ,with her lively blue eyes1 and the bright and pleasant expression of her countenance1 no one seemed to notice the faults of her nose1 mouth1 and complexion--and those of her figure were so well concealed as to be scarcely apparent4 ,and then her lady-like ease1 and the total absence of all affectation1 rendered her graceful and prepossessing4 ,true it is1 that with a good heart and a good mind no woman can be ugly2 at least1 they soon cease to be so considered1 even if nature has been unkind to them in feature1 figure1 and complexion4 ,an intelligent eye1 and a good humoured mouth1 are excellent substitutes for the want of regular beauty4 ,physiognomists say that the eye denotes the mind1 and the mouth indicates the heart4 ,now as a deformed lady may render herself very agreeable as a good conversationist1 we repeat that she has no occasion to exhibit the defects of her person by treading the mazes of a cotillion1 or above all1 in going down a country dance1 should those never-ending1 still beginning performances come again into fashion4 ,young men say that an ugly1 misshapen female1 who waltzes1 or joins in a polka1 or redowa1 or mazurka1 deserves the penitentiary4 ,we deprecate the practice of keeping the small children of the family up all the evening1 running and scampering in every one's way1 or sleeping about on the chairs and sofas1 and crying when wakened up to be carried to bed4 ,would it not be much better to have them sent to bed at their usual time8 ,we knew two well-trained little boys1 who submitted obediently to go to bed at their customary hour1 on the night of their mother's party1 of which they had seen nothing but the decorations of the parlours4 ,they told their parents next morning1 that still they had a great deal of pleasure1 for after the carriages began to arrive1 they had lain awake and heard every ring4 ,at a large party1 or at a wedding1 there is generally a supper table2 lemonade and cakes having been sent round during the evening4 ,the host and hostess should see that all the ladies are conducted thither1 and that none are neglected1 particularly those that are timid1 and stand back4 ,it is the business of the host to attend to those himself1 or to send the waiters to them4 ,if the party is so large that all the ladies cannot go to the table at once1 let the matrons be conducted thither first1 and the young ladies afterwards4 ,if there is a crowd1 it is not unusual to have a cord 7a handsome one1 of course17 stretched across the door of the supper-room1 and guarded by a servant1 who explains that no more are to pass till after that cord is taken down4 ,meanwhile1 the younger part of the company amuse themselves in the adjacent rooms4 ,no lady should take the liberty of meddling with the flowers that ornament the table1 or of secreting good things to carry home to her children4 ,apropos to flowers4--,the stiff1 hard bouquets are now obsolete1 where the flowers 7stripped of their natural green leaves17 were tied en masse on a wooden skewer1 against a flat back-ground of cedar sprays4 ,the more elegant arrangement is revived of arranging them in a full round cluster1 with a fair portion of their real leaves2 the largest and finest flowers in the centre1 7large white ones particularly72 those of middle size next2 and the light1 long1 and branchy sprays and tendrils at the extremities1 the smallest near the bottom of the bouquet1 which is not so large and massy as formerly1 but more graceful and select4 ,the bouquet may be carried on the young lady's arm1 suspended to a long and handsome white ribbon tied in a bow--a coloured ribbon will disturb the effect of the flowers4 ,there should be nothing to interfere with their various and beautiful tints4 ,at a ball1 let no coloured chalks or crayons be used for the floor4 ,they will rub off on the white shoes of the ladies1 and spoil them4 ,when1 instead of setting a supper-table1 refreshments are handed round to the ladies1 the fashion has long since gone by of a gentleman walking beside each waiter1 and assisting the ladies4 ,it is now found that if the articles are properly arranged1 and of the proper sort1 the ladies can much more conveniently help themselves1 and with less risk of staining or greasing their dresses4 ,unless the gentleman was a thorough-going party-man1 and stereotyped as such1 he often committed rather vexatious blunders1 particularly if he was not au-courant to the new improvements1 and accustomed to being at good men's feasts2 or rather1 at women's good feasts4 ,one evening at a party1 we saw an ingenuous youth1 whose experience in that line must have been rather limited1 officiously undertake the portioning out to the ladies of a composition hitherto quite new to himself4 ,this was a trifle1 being the contents of a very large glass bowl1 filled with macaroons1 c41 dissolved in wine1 c41 with profuse layers of custard1 sweetmeats1 c41 and covered in at the top with a dome of whipt cream heaped high and thick over the whole4 ,the pea-green youth assisted the ladies to nothing but saucers of froth from the top1 thinking that was the right way4 ,at last1 the mulatto man1 whose superior tact must have been all this time in a state of suffering1 explained to the novice in trifles1 that a portion of all the various contents of the glass bowl should be allotted to each saucer4 ,that6 said the surprised doer of honours1 ,i thought all that was only the grounds6 ,the coloured man relieved him by taking the silver server round a second time to all the ladies1 who had hitherto missed the sediment of the syllabub4 ,at a summer evening party1 the refreshments are of a much lighter description than at a winter entertainment2 consisting chiefly of ice-creams1 water-ices1 fresh fruit1 lady-cake1 and almond sponge-cake4 ,also strawberry or raspberry charlottes1 which are made by arranging in glass bowls slices of cake cut in even and regular forms1 and spread thickly over with the fruit mashed to a jam with white sugar--the bowls being heaped with whipt cream4 ,the dresses of the ladies are of clear muslin1 or some other light material1 and without any elaborate trimming4 ,the hair is simply arranged--curls being inconvenient in warm weather2 and the only head ornaments are ribbons1 or real flowers4 ,at summer evening-parties the veranda is always put into requisition1 being cooler than any part of the house4 ,at summer dinner-parties1 let the dessert be served in another and cooler apartment2 the company quitting the dining-room as soon as they have done with the meats1 c4 ,the beauties of the dessert appear to greater advantage1 when seen all at one view on a fresh table4 ,we will introduce a minute account of a very fashionable ,english dinner-party1 obtained from a friend who was one of the guests4 ,it may afford some hints for the routine of an elegant entertainment1 a l',anglais1 in our own country4 ,the guests were twenty-four in number1 and they began to assemble at half past seven1 punctually4 ,they were received in the library1 where the host and hostess were standing ready to receive them1 introducing those who were strangers to each other4 ,when all had arrived1 the butler entered1 and going up to the lady of the house1 told her in a low voice that dinner was served4 ,the hostess then arranged those that were not previously acquainted1 and the gentlemen conducted the ladies to the dining-room2 the principal stranger taking the mistress of the house1 and the master giving his arm to the chief of the female guests4 ,in ,england1 these arrangements are made according to the rank of the ladies--that of the gentlemen is not considered4 ,a duchess takes precedence of a marchioness1 a viscountess of a countess1 a baroness of a baronet's lady1 c41--for a baron is above a baronet4 ,going into the dining-room1 the company passed by the butler and eight footmen1 all of whom were stationed in two rows4 ,the butler was dressed entirely in black--the footmen in their livery4 ,according to a new fashion1 they may now wear long gaiters4 ,white kid gloves are indispensable to the footmen4 ,the table was set for twenty-six--and standing on it were elegant gilt candelabras4 ,all the lights were wax candles4 ,chandeliers were suspended from the ceiling4 ,in the middle of the table was a magnificent plateau1 or centre ornament of gold2 flowers surmounted the summit2 and the circular stages below were covered with confectionery elegantly arranged4 ,on each side of the plateau1 and above and below1 were tall china fruit-baskets4 ,in the centre of each basket were immense pine-apples of hot-house growth1 with their fresh green leaves4 ,below the pine-apples were large bunches of purple and white hot-house grapes1 beautifully disposed1 with leaves and tendrils hanging over the sides of the baskets4 ,down each side of the whole long table1 were placed large1 round1 saucer-shaped fruit-dishes1 heaped up with peaches1 nectarines1 pears1 plumbs1 ripe gooseberries1 cherries1 currants1 strawberries1 c4 ,all the fruits not in season were supplied from hot-houses4 ,and alternating with the fruit were all the entremets in covered dishes1 placed on long slips of damask the whole length of the table4 ,all the plate was superb4 ,the dinner-set was of ,french china1 gilt1 and painted with roses4 ,at every plate was a caraffe of water1 with a tumbler turned down over it1 and several wine-glasses4 ,the napkins were large4 ,the side-board held only the show-silver and the wine4 ,the side-tables were covered with elegant damask cloths4 ,on these were ranged1 laid along in numerous rows1 the knives1 forks1 and spoons to be used at dinner4 ,the dessert-spoons were in the form of hollow leaves1 the stems being the handles4 ,they were beautifully engraved in tasteful patterns4 ,the fruit-knives had silver blades and pearl handles4 ,there were two soups 7white and brown17 standing on a side-table4 ,each servant handed the things in his white kid gloves1 and with a damask napkin under his thumb4 ,they offered 7mentioning its name in a low voice17 a plate of each soup to each guest4 ,after the soup1 ,hock and ,moselle wine were offered to each guest1 that they might choose either4 ,a dish of fish was then placed at each end of the table--one was salmon1 the other turbot4 ,these dishes were immediately taken off to be helped by the servants1 both sorts of fish being offered to each person4 ,then the appropriate sauce for the fish--also cucumbers to eat with the salmon4 ,no castors were on the large table1 but they were handed round by the servants4 ,directly after the fish came the entremets1 or ,french dishes4 ,the wine following the fish was ,madeira and ,sherry4 ,afterwards1 a saddle or haunch of ,welsh mutton was placed at the master's end of the table1 and at the lady's end a boiled turkey4 ,these dishes being removed to the side-tables1 very thin slices of each were handed round4 ,the poultry was not dissected--nothing being helped but the breast4 ,ham and tongue was then supplied to those who took poultry2 and currant-jelly to the eaters of mutton4 ,next came the vegetables1 handed round on dishes divided into four compartments1 each division containing a different sort of vegetable4 ,next1 two dishes of game were put on--one before the master of the house1 and the other before the mistress4 ,the game 7which was perfectly well-done17 was helped by them1 and sent round with the appropriate sauce4 ,then1 placed along the table1 were the sweet things--charlottes1 jellies1 frozen fruit1 c4 ,a lobster salad1 dressed and cut up large1 was put on with the sweets4 ,on a side-table were stilton and cream cheese1 to be eaten with the salad4 ,after this1 port wine--the champagne being early in the dinner4 ,next the sweets were handed round4 ,with the sweets were frozen fruits--fruits cut up1 and frozen with isinglass-jelly1 7red1 in moulds47 ,next1 a dessert plate was given to each guest1 and on it a ground glass plate1 about the size of a saucer4 ,between these plates was a crochet-worked white doyly1 of the size of the under-plate2 the crochet-work done with thread1 so as to resemble lace4 ,these doylies were laid under the ground-glass plate1 to deaden the noise of their collision4 ,then was brought from the side-table a ground-glass plate of ice-cream1 or water-ice1 which you took in exchange for that before you4 ,the water-ice was frozen in moulds1 in the form of fruit1 and suitably coloured4 ,the baskets containing the fruit were then removed to the side-tables1 where the servants had silver scissors1 with which they clipped off small bunches of the grapes1 and the green tops of the pine-apples1 and a portion of the flesh of the fruit4 ,the middle part was then pared and sliced4 ,on each dessert-plate was placed a slice of pine-apple1 and small bunches of white and blue grapes4 ,after the grapes and pine-apples were thus handed round1 the dishes of the other fruits were then offered successively to every guest4 ,after the ground-glass and doylies1 there was no farther change of plates4 ,after sitting a while over the fruit1 the lady of the house gives the signal1 by looking and bowing to the ladies on each side1 and the ladies at this signal prepare to retire4 ,the gentlemen all rise1 and remain standing while the ladies depart--the master of the house holding the door open4 ,the servants then all retire1 except the butler1 who remains to wait on the gentlemen1 while they linger awhile 7not more than a quarter of an hour17 over the fruit and wine4 ,,footnote3 #ah ,miss ,leslie's ,american ,girl's ,book 7published by ,c4 ,s4 ,francis17 contains a great variety of amusing plays1 ways to redeem forfeits1 c41 with an unusual number of conundrums4 ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,miscellanies4 ,it may be well to caution our young friends against certain bad practices1 easily contracted1 but sometimes difficult to relinquish4 ,the following are things not to be done3--,biting your nails4 ,slipping a ring up and down your finger4 ,sitting cross-kneed1 and1 jogging your feet4 ,drumming on the table with your knuckles2 or1 still worse1 tinking on a piano with your fore-finger only4 ,humming a tune before strangers4 ,singing as you go up and down stairs4 ,putting your arm round the neck of another young girl1 or promenading the room with arms encircling waists4 ,holding the hand of a friend all the time she sits beside you2 or kissing and fondling her before company4 ,sitting too closely4 ,slapping a gentleman with your handkerchief1 or tapping him with your fan4 ,allowing him to take a ring off your finger1 to look at it4 ,permitting him to unclasp your bracelet1 or1 still worse1 to inspect your brooch4 ,when these ornaments are to be shown to another person1 always take them off for the purpose4 ,pulling at your own ringlets1 or your own ear-rings--or fingering your neck ribbon4 ,suffering a gentleman to touch your curls4 ,reading with a gentleman off the same book or newspaper4 ,looking over the shoulder of any person who is reading or writing4 ,taking up a written paper from the table1 and examining it4 ,to listen at door-cracks1 and peep through key-holes1 is vulgar and contemptible4 ,so it is to ask children questions concerning their parents1 though such things are still done4 ,if you mean that you were angry1 do not say you were mad4--,it made me so mad--,i was quite mad at her1 are phrases not to be used by people considering themselves genteel4 ,anger and madness are not the same1 or should not be2 though it is true that ungoverned rage1 is1 sometimes1 carried so far as to seem like insanity4 ,enter into no freaks of fashion that are silly1 unmeaning1 and unlady-like2 even if they have been introduced by a belle1 and followed by other belles4 ,commit no absurdity because a public singer or dancer has done so in her ignorance of good behaviour4 ,during the ,jenny ,lind fever1 there were young ladies who affected to skuttle into a drawing-room all of a sudden1 somewhat as the fair ,swede came skuttling in upon the concert stage1 because in reality she knew not how to make her entrance gracefully4 ,other demoiselles twined and waved about1 with body1 head1 and eyes1 never a moment quiet4 ,this squirming 7as it was called7 originated in a very bad imitation of ,fanny ,elssler's dancing motions4 ,at one time there were girls at parties1 who stood on one foot1 and with the other kicked up their dresses behind1 while talking to gentlemen4 ,this fashion began with a celebrated beauty who dared do any thing4 ,luckily1 these whims and oddities are always of short duration1 and are never adopted by young ladies of good taste and refinement4 ,do not nod your head1 or beat time with fan or foot while listening to music4 ,never at a party consent to accompany another lady in a duet1 unless you are accustomed to singing with her4 ,still worse--do not volunteer to assist her in a song that is not a duet4 ,each voice will interrupt and spoil the other4 ,a lady who sings by ear only1 cannot accompany one that sings by note4 ,one of the most horrible sounds imaginable is that produced by several fine voices all singing different songs4 ,this cats' concert 7as school-girls call it7 results in a shocking and yet ludicrous discord1 equally frightful and laughable4 ,and yet all the performers are singing individually well4 ,try it4 ,raising a window-sash1 in cold weather1 without first ascertaining if the rest of the company are1 like yourself1 too warm4 ,leaving the parlour door open in winter--a perpetual occurrence at hotels and boarding-houses4 ,talking so loudly that you can be heard all over the room4 ,or so low that you cannot be heard at all1 even by those who are conversing with you4 ,this last fault is the worst4 ,to talk with one who has a habit of muttering unintelligibly1 is like trying to read a letter illegibly written4 ,using too often the word madam or ma'am1 which in fact1 is now nearly obsolete in familiar conversation4 ,in the old ,french tragedies the lovers addressed their mistresses as madam4 ,but then the stage ,alexander wore a powdered wig1 and a laced coat1 knee-breeches1 and a long-skirted waistcoat2 and ,roxana figured in a hoop-petticoat1 a brocade gown1 a flowered apron1 and a towering gauze cap4 ,the frequent use of sir is also out of fashion4 ,yes1 ma'am1 ,no1 ma'am1 ,yes1 sir1 ,no1 sir1 no longer sounds well1 except from children to their elders4 ,if you have not distinctly heard what another lady has just said to you1 do not denote it by saying1 ,ma'am8 but remark to her1 ,excuse me1 ,i did not exactly hear you6 ,never1 in a public parlour1 place yourself in a position where you can secretly hear conversation that is not intended for you--for instance in a corner behind a pillar4 ,if you hear yourself talked of1 it is mean to stay and listen4 ,it is a true adage that ,listeners seldom hear any good of themselves4 ,however smart and witty you may be considered1 do not exercise your wit in rallying and bantering your friends4 ,if you do so1 their friendship will soon be worn out1 or converted into positive enmity4 ,a jest that carries a sting with it can never give a pleasant sensation to the object4 ,the bite of a musquito is a very little thing1 but it leaves pain and inflammation behind it1 and the more it is rubbed the longer it rankles in the blood4 ,no one likes to have their foibles or mishaps turned into ridicule--before other persons especially4 ,and few can cordially join in a laugh that is raised against themselves4 ,the slightest jest on the personal defects of those you are conversing with1 is an enormity of rudeness and vulgarity4 ,it is1 in fact1 a sneer at the ,creator that made them so4 ,no human creature is accountable for being too small1 or too large2 for an ill-formed figure1 or for ill-shaped limbs2 for irregular features1 or a bad complexion4 ,still worse1 to rally any person 7especially a woman7 on her age1 or to ask indirect questions with a view of discovering what her age really is4 ,if we continue to live1 we must continue to grow old4 ,we must either advance in age1 or we must die4 ,where then is the shame of surviving our youth8 ,and when youth departs1 beauty goes along with it4 ,at least as much beauty as depends on complexion1 hair1 and teeth4 ,in arriving at middle age1 7or a little beyond it17 a lady must compound for the loss of either face or figure4 ,about that period she generally becomes thinner1 or fatter4 ,if thin1 her features shrink1 and her skin shrivels and fades2 even though she retains a slender and perhaps a girlish form4 ,if she grows fat1 her skin may continue smooth1 and her complexion fine1 and her neck and arms may be rounder and handsomer than in girlhood2 but then symmetry of shape will cease--and she must reconcile herself to the change as best she can4 ,but a woman with a good mind1 a good heart1 and a good temper1 can never at any age grow ugly--for an intelligent and pleasant expression is in itself beauty1 and the best sort of beauty4 ,sad indeed is the condition of women in the decline of life when ,no lights of age adorn them4 ,when1 having neglected in the spring and summer to lay up any stores for the winter that is sure to come1 they find themselves left in the season of desolation with nothing to fall back upon--no pleasant recollections of the acquisition of knowledge or the performance of good deeds1 and nothing to talk about but the idle gossip of the day--striving painfully to look younger than they really are2 still haunting balls and parties1 and enduring all the discomforts of crowded watering-places1 long after all pleasure in such scenes must have passed away4 ,but then they must linger in public because they are miserable at home1 having no resources within themselves1 and few enduring friends to enliven them with their society4 ,the woman that knows how to grow old gracefully1 will adapt her dress to her figure and her age1 and wear colours that suit her present complexion4 ,if her neck and arms are thin1 she will not expose them under any circumstances4 ,if her hair is grey1 she will not decorate it with flowers and flimsy ribbons4 ,if her cheeks are hollow1 she will not make her face look still longer and thinner by shadowing it with long ringlets2 and setting her head-dress far back--but she will give it as much softness as she can1 by a light cap-border tied under her chin4 ,she will not squeeze herself out of all human shape by affecting a long tight corsage2 and she will wear no dresses glaring with huge flowers1 or loaded with gaudy trimmings4 ,she will allude to her age as a thing of course2 she will speak without hesitation of former times1 though the recollection proves her to be really old4 ,she will be kind and indulgent to the young2 and the young will respect and love her1 and gladly assemble near her chair1 and be amused and unconsciously instructed4 ,as long as she lives and retains her faculties she will endeavour to improve1 and to become still a wiser and a better woman2 never excusing herself by indolently and obstinately averring that she is too old to learn1 or that she cannot give up her old-fashioned habits4 ,if she finds that those habits are unwarrantable1 or that they are annoying to her friends1 she ought to relinquish them4 ,no one with a mind unimpaired1 and a heart still fresh1 is too old to learn4 ,this book is addressed chiefly to the young2 but we shall be much gratified by finding that even old ladies have found in it some advantageous suggestions on points that had hitherto escaped their notice4 ,,the ,,end4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,typos1 spelling and punctuation errors fixed4 ,p4 #afh1 inverted commas--represented as curved opening and closing quotation marks as used throughout the original4 ,p4 #bah1 you know1 repeated1 is faithful to the original4 ,retained since repetition may have been intended by the author to indicate over-use of the phrase4 ,p4 #bgi1 placing this mark _/ below--the symbol is an upside-down ,v 7joined at the top7 in the original4 ,p4 #bhh1 ankles2 original reads ancles4 ,p4 #bhi1 ,blind-man's bluff2 original reads buff4 ,p4 #ccj1 ,original chapter heading numbered ,,xxiv4 ,corrected to ,,xxv4 ,variations changed to more frequent usage3 ,commonplace to common-place1 despatch_/ to dispatch_/1 drest to dressed1 inclos_/ to enclos_/1 inquiries to enquiries1 intrust_/ to entrust_/1 steam-boat to steamboat1 and unladylike to unlady-like4 ,entremets and entremets corrected to entremets4 ,unusual spellings in the original that were retained include3 cotemporary1 extatic1 mattrass1 negor1 receipt 7for recipe71 segars1 ,shakspeare1 sociablist1 and visiter4 ,also retained because used equally3 bed-chambers and bedchambers1 before-hand and beforehand1 foot-stool7s7 and footstool7s71 ink-stand and inkstand 7in this case1 one each was present in original1 plus one broken at line's end4 ,i opted to remove the hyphen on rejoining1 as it was closer in the text to the other non-hyphenated version74