,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome ,illu/ration3 ,elizabe? ,s*(f5 z ,si/] ,lucretia ,illu/ration3 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 ,lectur] & ,au?or ,,d$ication ,9 ! "n ( all t is good1 k9d & ,*ri/ian1 ,i humbly d$icate ?is book to ^? two dauntless ,am]icans1 my fri5ds & b5efactors1 ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,e4 ,u4 ,morrison4 ,! ,dem&s ( ,rome --,by-- ,,elizabe? ,,s*(f5 7,,si/] ,,lucretia7 ,second ,edition ,h] ,own ,/ory ( ,?irty-,"o ,ye>s z a ,si/] ( ,*>ity 9 ! ,ord] ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* ,,publi%$ ,,by ,,! ,,au?or1 ,,portl&1 ,,oregon ,copyright1 #aiag1 by ,,elizabe? ,,s*(f5 7,all rights res]v$7 ,,preface4 ,aft] _m entreaties & a s9c]e v[1 x is n[ m9e to tell ! /ory ( ,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome z ,i h liv$ !m dur+ my long life & fai?ful s]vice 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* & si/]hood4 ,i w\ld s\nd ?is /ory 9 ! e> ( ev]yone :o has ! int]e/ ( ! oppress$ at he>t--9 ! e> ( ev]yone :o has ! int]e/ ( dissem9at+ k1 ! light & p[] ( :i* w\ld be a great help to ! free+ ( ! captive f religi\s bondage4 ,= z ,i view x n[1 religi\s bondage is ! mo/ direful ( all4 ,9 a few words1 ,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome f ! individual are f ! cradle to ! grave1 & !y d n /op !re1 he is foll[$ ?r\gh purgatory & into et]nity4 ,9 ! comm]cial _w1 y mu/ li/5 to ,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome or ! ,roman ,ca?olic trade goes else:]e1 & ! ana!ma ( ! *ur* is invok$ ^u y4 ,! *ur* ( ,rome dem&s prop]ty1 & :5 !y h x1 dem& t !y be n tax$ = t privilege2 !y dem& weal?1 nev] be+ satisfi$1 b =ev] dem&+2 !y dem& ! suppression ( lib]ty2 !y dem& life2 !y dem& dea?4 ,n[1 z a si/] 9 ! *ur* ( ,rome1 x is dem& f ! v day %e ent]s ! conv5t1 z ,i h expla9$ ?r\gh\t ?is book4 ,! fir/ dem& is ! hair ( ! victim4 ,! ,^w ( ,god says1 ,if a woman h long hair1 x is a glory to h]1 b :at does ! *ur* ( ,rome c>e :at ! ,bible says8 ,x is ! dem& f ! *ur*1 & bl9d ob$i5ce ( ! subject to t dem& t ,rome c>es ab\t4 ,x is _! endless dem&s = supremacy ( heav51 e>? & hell4 ,we h all he>d ( ! dumb animal :i* w\ld run back to 8 /all 9 case ( fire2 nev]!less1 we mu/ take an int]e/ 9 ! fai?ful old horse & use e ef=t to save 8 life f ! horrible dea? t he w\ld ru% to4 ,h[ mu* m mu/ we take an int]e/ 9 ! lives ( ! poor1 oppress$ humans1 ! ov]-burd5$1 entrapp$ nuns beh9d ! conv5t walls1 ?\gh %e may imag9e t %e is enjoy+ ! greate/ fre$om & ! happie/ life4 ,yes1 we mu/ all look well to ! doors t /& betwe5 ,lib]ty & bondage1 ev5 ?\gh ^? doors seem bright ) religi\s pa9t4 ,let me say ) ! poet1 t ,i _c hope to live b a few m days1 or ye>s1 at mo/1 & my "o aim is to give to ! _w a book t w /& ! crucial "t ( ! *ang+ ye>s--a book t %all be kn[n & read long aft] ! au?or is =gott54 ,i write x ) a fond hope t x may be helpful to ^? :o h a zeal = ,god1 b n accord+ to k1 ^? :o may be fl\nd]+ 9 ! me%es ( a crook$ & p]v]s$ !ology4 ,i want no o!r monum5t4 ,,elizabe? ,,s*(f54 ,febru>y1 #aiag4 ,,cont5ts4 ,*apt]4 ,page ,i4 ,introductory #aa ,,ii4 ,my ,e>ly ,life & ,s*ool+ #ag ,,iii4 ,my ,novitiate ,life #bc ,,iv4 ,a ,virg9 ,sp\se ( ,*ri/--,my ,fir/ ,mission #cg ,v4 ,my ,begg+ ,exp$ition--,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital--,r\t9e ( a ,si/] #dg ,,vi4 ,h[ ,i ,educat$ ,myself--,i ,become ,sup]9t5d5t ( ! ,?ird ,floor at ,/4 ,v9c5t's #fa ,,vii4 ,sacram5t ( ,p5ance--,mass & ,communion--,extreme ,unction--,indulg5ces--,annual ,retreat #gb ,,viii4 ,my ,trip to ! ,g5]al ,"m ,h\se #he ,,ix4 ,i ,receive ,my ,diploma = ,nurs+ f ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital--,tr\ble ,among ! ,si/]s #ajc ,x4 ,my ,removal f ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital #abb ,,xi4 ,two ,int]e/+ ,lett]s f ,si/]s--,my ,lett]s = ,r$ress to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie #acj ,,xii4 ,my ,emancipation #add ,,xiii4 ,i ,quit ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* #aee ,,xiv4 ,=m = ,disp5sation ( ! ,holy ,v[s--,my ,suit & ,settlem5t ,) ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity #afe ,,xv4 ,my ,recomm5dation f ! ,doctors ( ,portl&--,! ,good ,sam>itan--,i ,affiliate ,) a ,prote/ant ,*ur*--,my ,new ,"w #aha ,,xvi4 ,my ,adv]tisem5t 9 ! ,ca?olic ,s5t9el #aia ,,xvii4 ,! ,c>e ( ,old ,si/]s by ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,sy/em #aii ,,xviii4 ,conclusion #bje ,app5dix #bag ,,li/ ,,( ,,illu/rations ,page ,elizabe? ,s*(f5 attir$ 9 ! g>b ( a ,si/] #b ,elizabe? ,s*(f5--,lectur] & ,au?or #c ,elizabe? ,s*(f5 "o mon? be=e %e ent]$ ! ,conv5t #be ,fa!r ,l\is de ,g4 ,s*ram #cc ,si/] ,e!lb]t #di ,caught 9 ! ,act ( ,kiss+ ! ,floor #ee ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon #fe ,"m ,h\se1 ,montreal1 ,canada #hi ,fac-simile ( ,my ,diploma #ajg ,ar*bi%op ,alex&] ,*ri/ie ( ,portl&1 ,oregon #aci ,fac-simile ( ! ,*eck ,i receiv$ f ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity #ahj ,a ,gift f ,god #aie ,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome ,,*apt] ,i4 ,,introductory ,9 writ+ ?is /ory ( ?irty-"o ye>s ( my s]vice 9 ! ,si/]hood ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 ,i h no apologies to make4 ,f ! treatm5t ,i receiv$ aft] ,i left ! cruel & oppressive ,romi% in/itution1 ,i feel t !re are ?\s&s ( ,prote/ants1 s-call$1 t ne$ to "k :at is requir$ & dem&$ ( ! poor1 dup$ girls t are 9 ^! prisons ( d>kness t dot ?is beautiful c\ntry ( ours f "o end to ! o!r1 guis+ !mselves "u ! cloak ( religion4 ,!n1 !re is ! ,roman ,ca?olic1 :o has be5 br\ght up 9 t fai?1 & yet feels t ! sy/em z practic$ 9 ?is c\ntry is n 9 accord ) ! ,am]ican pr9ciples4 ,to ^! ,i wi% to give my message1 t !y might "k ! inn] work+s ( ^! damnable in/itutions1 falsely call$ *>itable & religi\s4 ,) malice t[>d no "o1 b = love ( ,god1 *>ity & lib]ty to all1 ,i tell ?is /ory ( my life1 ) a s9c]e hope t x may--9 "s little way--help y1 de> read]1 & y\r po/]ity f drift+ into ! n[ ?reat5+ condition ( pagan d>kness & ! indescribable1 z well z uncall$ =1 unnatural1 inhuman tortures ,i escap$ f4 ,prote/ants are br\ght up 9 su* gr& fre$om & lib]ty ( _s1 bo? civil & religi\s1 t x is almo/ impossible = !m to believe t !re c be any?+ to prev5t ,roman ,ca?olics 7,i n[ mean ! good ,roman ,ca?olic7 f enjoy+ ! same rights & privileges t !y d4 ,if my ,prote/ant fri5ds w j /op "o mom5t & ?9k ab\t ! diff]5ce betwe5 ,am]icanism & ,ca?olicism1 !n !y w realize h[ x is t ! good ,roman ,ca?olic _c enjoy ! true lib]al gov]nm5t t _! =efa!rs f\ght1 bl$ & di$ =1 & :i* !y are enjoy+ today4 ,am]icanism means true democracy--! rule ( ! majority 9 matt]s civil1 & ! protection ( ! rights ( ! m9ority4 ,am]icanism means fre$om ( ?\ght1 consci5ce1 spee* & press4 ,am]icanism means ! "r to wor%ip ,god accord+ to ! dictates ( y\r own consci5ce4 ,am]icanism means t lib]ty ( body1 s\l & _s :i* t5ds to ! developm5t ( all t is noble/ & be/ 9 ! individual4 ,does ,roman ,ca?olicism mean ^! great pr9ciples8 ,let me say emphatically1 ,,no4 ,ca?olicism means ! rule ( ! ,pope4 ,ca?olicism means re/riction ( ?\ght1 spee*1 & c5sor%ip ( ! press4 ,ca?olicism means ! wor%ip ( ,god 9 no o!r mann] ?an set =? by ! ,popes1 & ! p]secution ( h]etics1 ev5 unto dea?4 ,y weak ,prote/ants w probably say1 ,oh1 n t bad4 ,well1 let me tell y1 t y _h bett] op5 y\r eyes4 ,let me quote f ! ,gold5 ,manual1 a pray] book ,i us$ :ile a ,si/]4 ,?is book has ! approval ( ,john ,c>d4 ,mc,closkey1 !n ,ar*bi%op ( ,new ,york1 page #fff3 ,t ?\ w\ld/ v\*safe to defeat ! attempts ( all ,turks & h]etics1 & br+ !m to naught4 ,& accord+ to ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 a h]etic is anyone :o does n believe all ! tea*+s ( t *ur*4 ,s y ,prote/ants are ea* & e "o h]etics & ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur* has no use = y1 s :y %\ld y cat] to !m8 ,ca?olicism means repression ( individuality & ! subjection ( ! body1 s\l & _s to a rul+ class 7! prie/s7 by ! t]rible doctr9e ( infallibility1 = we1 z ,ca?olics & si/]s1 believe t ! prie/ _c s91 z prie/4 ,) ^! ,roman ,ca?olic pr9ciples1 :i* ,i le>n$ & practic$ z a si/]1 s diabolically oppos$ to our ,am]ican pr9ciples1 x c readily be se5 :y a good ,roman ,ca?olic _c enjoy ! fre$om :i* ! ,con/itution gives to e ,am]ican citiz54 ,&1 my de> ,am]ican ,prote/ant1 if y d n get any o!r ?\ght f ?is book1 ,i wi% to give y "o "h 9 ! introductory :i* w be well wor? y\r e>ne/1 ?\ghtful /udy3 ,if ^! pr9ciples ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em are all[$ to cont9ue be+ put into practice1 !re is a possibility t we may lose our preci\s h]itage ( fre$om :i* has be5 h&$ d[n to u4 ,i 0 depriv$ ( all ! rights ( an ,am]ican citiz5 till ab\t five ye>s ago4 ,i 0 buri$ 9 pagan d>kness & sup]/ition & my s\l long$ & 0 dy+ = light & life1 & ,i did n "k h[ to obta9 fre$om because ( ! ignorant mann] 9 :i* ,i 0 rais$ 9 ! p>o*ial s*ool1 & ! damnable in/ructions ,i receiv$ f ! s-call$ repres5tative ( ,*ri/ on e>?1 ! prie/4 ,i h he>d t !re are ab\t eighty ?\s& si/]s 9 ! conv5ts ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates1 & if ?is p[] c keep t numb] ( girls 9 subjection & ignorance1 d y n ?9k t !y w d ! same ) ! secul>s1 if !y _h a little m p[]8 ,j ?9k x ov]1 & read ( ! dem&s ( ,rome ,i _h to yield to = ?irty-"o ye>s4 ,read ! d>k hi/ory ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 & rememb] t ,rome nev] *anges2 ',semp] eadem--' ,z x 0 9 ! beg9n+1 is n[1 & ev] %all be1 _w )\t end4 ,am54 ,!n maybe y w cease be+ ,prote/ant 9 "n only1 & beg9 to prote/4 ,:y are we ,prote/ants8 ,:at is ! mean+ ( ! ^w ,prote/ant8 ,prote/ant is "o :o prote/s1 & we are call$ ,prote/ants because at ! "t ( ! ,re=mation ! p :o prote/$ aga9/ ! cruelties & sup]/iti\s practices ( ,rome took ! "n ,prote/ant1 & we are suppos$ to prote/ aga9/ ! same tea*+s & cruelties today4 ,b h[ _m true ,prote/ants h we today8 ,v few1 inde$4 ,if y w\ld be a true ,prote/ant1 y mu/ prote/ tw5ty-f\r h\rs a day1 & sev5 days 9 e week 9 ! ye>4 ,?ank ,god1 ! ,am]ican p h1 9 ! la/ few ye>s1 begun to wake up1 & see ! evils ( ?is t]rible sy/em1 :i* is gnaw+ at ! v vitals ( our free in/itutions4 ,&1 if ! ,am]ican p d n become indiff]5t1 z !y h 9 ! pa/1 ,rome w meet ! same fate "h t %e has met1 or is meet+1 9 ne>ly e c\ntry :]e %e has held sway = any l5g? ( "t4 ,hi/ory tells u 9 no unc]ta9 language ( ! d[nfall ( ! once p[]ful c\ntry ( ,spa91 ( ! suppression ( ! conv5ts & mona/]ies 9 ,portugal1 ,italy & ,france1 & )\t ! sy/em ( conv5ts & mona/]ies1 prie/craft c am\nt to naught4 ,) ^! hi/orical facts />+ u 9 ! face1 ! conv5t & mona/]y sy/em is becom+ a p[] 9 ?is l&1 & ! inevitable is sure to come--! suppression ( all clos$ in/itutions4 ,hi/ory repeats4 ,!re=e1 ,i wi% to give to ! _w my exp]i5ce ( ?irty-"o ye>s 9 a conv5t1 t ,i may help ha/5 ! "t :5 ^! in/itutions w be op51 & ! captive set free2 t ,i may help1 if ,i c1 ! real true1 r$-blood$ ,am]ican citiz5s f return+ to sleepy indiff]5ce4 ,i _c write ?is /ory 9 ! language ( an educat$ p]son1 = z y w le>n 9 ! succe$+ *apt]s1 my education 0 sadly neglect$4 ,!re w1 no d\bt1 be _m grammatical errors1 :i* ,i ask my read]s to ov]look1 z x is n int5d$ z a "w ( rhetoric1 b a message f ! he>t4 ,i w write x 9 my own language1 t :i* ,i _h to le>n mo/ly by myself1 & x took a great _m ye>s ( h>d "w & a great deal ( deception on my "p to be able to tell x ev5 z well z ,i w4 ,&1 if ,i c convey to my ,am]ican bro!rs & si/]s any new light on ! work+s ( ^! damnable in/itutions1 or1 if ,i may be ! means ( influ5c+ a few m to be real1 true1 hone/ ,prote/ants1 !n ?is ef=t w n be 9 va94 ,i h no tale ( immorality to tell1 z ! ord] ( :i* ,i 0 a memb] 0 :at may be class$ z "o ( ! op5 ord]s1 & ! in/itutions 9 :i* ,i work$ mo/ ( my s-call$ religi\s c>e]1 7 among ! mo/ mod]n op]at$ by ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em 9 ?is c\ntry4 ,i h he>d & read a great deal ab\t ! nameless infamies & ! degradation ( ! cloi/]$ ord]s1 b t /ory ,i mu/ leave = "s o!r to tell4 ,i w tell ! unv>ni%$1 pla9 tru? ( my exp]i5ce 9 ! mod]n in/itutions1 & let ! read] draw 8 or h] own conclusion z to ! life ! si/]s 9 ! clos$ ord]s h to live4 ,,*apt] ,,ii4 ,,my ,,e>ly ,,life ,,& ,,s*ool+ ,i 0 born 9 #ahfa1 9 ,m9nesota1 ( ,g]man p>5ts1 :o _h come f ,g]many 9 que/ ( great] lib]ty & a home 9 a free l&4 ,my "m 0 a mo/ dev\t ,roman ,ca?olic1 absolutely "u prie/ guidance1 & by 8 in/ructions to h] ! *ildr5 7 re>$ & s*ool$4 ,my fa!r 0 a broad-m9d$ ,roman ,ca?olic1 n v /rong 9 ! fai?4 ,i h he>d him speak ( ! tea*+s & sup]/iti\s practices1 z prie/ fooli%ness4 ,b1 t !re might be peace 9 ! family1 he w\ld leave matt]s reg>d+ ! *ildr5 to "m1 & leav+ ^! ?+s ) h] 0 leav+ !m ) ! prie/4 ,:5 ,i 0 five ye>s old1 we migrat$ to ! ,/ate ( ,wa%+ton ne> ,walla ,walla 7!n call$ ,=t ,walla ,walla74 ,i 0 ! eigh? *ild ( a l>ge family1 & z my p>5ts c\ld n af=d to s5d all ( u to ! conv5t or p>o*ial s*ool1 x 0 my lot to g to ! public s*ool a few weeks occasionally = ?ree ye>s4 ,?is 0 :5 ,i 0 at ! age ( eight1 n9e & t5 ye>s4 ,b1 = fe> ( imbib+ ! ,prote/ant godless _s1 z my "m call$ x1 ,i 0 giv5 only a read] & spell]4 ,ne>ly e day my "m w\ld "q me z to :at ! ,prote/ant *ildr5 w\ld say to me at s*ool4 ,%e caution$ me _m1 _m times n to talk to !m1 z !y 7 ! *ildr5 ( bad ,prote/ants1 t !y w\ld gr[ up bad & wick$ ! same z _! p>5ts 71 )\t belief 9 ,god & *ur*1 z ,prote/ants 7 p :o fell away f ,god by leav+ ! true *ur* & foll[+ a v wick$ man1 nam$ ,lu!r1 :o became pr\d & disob$i5t to ! ,pope4 ,^! ,prote/ant godless 7public7 s*ools 7 greatly deplor$ 9 my home by my "m1 & yet my fa!r 0 a tea*] & director 9 ^! public s*ools = a great _m ye>s4 ,because ! ,roman ,ca?olic p _h to pay taxes to keep ^! s*ools runn+1 !re 0 mu* murmur+ aga9/ t unju/ gov]nm5t ( an infidel p1 z x 0 call$4 ,) ^! cont5tions cont9ually wrangl+ 9 my home1 x did n require s]i\s excuses = my be+ kept out ( s*ool4 ,i h he>d my "m make ! /atem5t _m times t x w\ld be bett] to h no education ?an to h ?is ,prote/ant godless public s*ool education4 ,:5 ,i 0 elev5 ye>s old1 my "m & ! prie/ decid$ t x 0 "t = me to g to ! conv5t s*ool to le>n my cate*ism1 confession1 my fir/ communion1 ! ros>y--my religion4 ,9 fact1 dur+ ! ?ree ye>s ,i att5d$ ?is s*ool1 t 0 ab\t all ,i le>n$4 ,true1 !re 7 classes ( read+1 spell+ & ari?metic1 b ! books ,i us$ 9 ^! /udies 7 ( a less] grade ?an ^? ,i us$ dur+ ! %ort "t ,i w5t to ! public s*ool4 ,by ! ord] ( ! si/] :o taught ari?metic1 ,i _h to tea* small] *ildr5 :at little ari?metic ,i le>n$ f blackbo>d /udy 9 ! public s*ool1 hav+ my class 9 ! back ( ! room we occupi$4 ,! si/] :o taught read+ 7,si/] ,agnes7 told u t be=e %e came to t s*ool to tea*1 %e _h be5 a cook 9 an ,indian ,mission4 ,well qualifi$1 wasn't %e8 ,! cate*ism tea*] 7,si/] ,m>y ,ros>y7 taught sew+ & cate*ism alt]nately1 9 t "p ( ! build+ kn[n z ! wa%-h\se4 ,?ree ye>s ( my life 7 wa/$ 9 ?is mann]1 le>n+ practically no?+ b ,roman ,ca?olic cate*ism & pagan religion4 ,?ree ye>s ( j t "t ( a *ild's life :i* %\ld be sp5t lay+ ! f\ndation = some?+ nobl] & gr&]4 ,& n[1 aft] all is said & done1 ,i 0 prep>$ to take my fir/ communion4 ,?is 0 adm9i/]$ to me on ,may #bc;d1 #ahge1 by ,fa!r ,duffy1 9 ! p>i% *ur* ( ,walla ,walla4 ,i 0 confirm$ ! same day1 9 ! same *ur*1 by ,bi%op ,blan*et1 ( ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton4 ,i ?\ght t ,i n[ _h religion1 & z ,i ?\ght t 0 ! "o objective ( ! conv5t s*ool+1 ,i took my few books home & told my "m t ,i w\ld n g to t s*ool any long]4 ,i want$ to return to ! public s*ool1 b "m said we 7 ,ca?olics1 & z su*1 we _h to g to ! ,ca?olic s*ool4 ,f9ally1 aft] a great deal ( p]si/5ce1 ,i 0 p]mitt$ to g to ! public s*ool1 b x 0 only = a v %ort "t aga94 ,"m took sick1 & reg>dless ( ! fact t !re 7 two si/]s & a bro!r y\ng] ?an ,i1 & a si/] & bro!r old]1 at home1 ?is 0 a v good excuse to get me out ( s*ool4 ,f ?is "t till ,i 0 tw5ty ye>s old1 six ye>s1 ,i did no?+ b idle away ! mo/ preci\s "t ( "o's exi/5ce4 ,oh1 :at /upid1 lonely1 sorr[ful girlhood ye>s !y 74 ,i knew 9 a dreamy way t ,i 0 be+ *eat$ out ( my "r ( education1 b :at 0 ,i to d8 ,i 0 tempt$ _m times to leave home & "w = s*ool+4 ,i once made m5tion ( ?is int5tion to "m4 ,i 0 ?reat5$ ) all sorts ( puni%m5ts if ,i ev] attempt$ a ?+ ( ?is nature4 ,%e told me t ,i c\ld /udy ! cate*ism at home1 t t 0 en\gh = me to "k--t ,i w\ld n =get ! ?+s t w\ld take me to heav5 & keep me f go+ to t t]rible hell-fire ) ! devils4 ,if !re w\ld h be5 any reasonable excuse = all ?is1 ,i w\ld h no?+ to say4 ,b !re ! s*ool 0 at our v door1 free to all1 )\t price1 ) ! exception ( ! few books t 7 ne$$1 & yet ,i 0 d5i$ t privilege4 ,& :y8 ,all 9 ! "n ( religion4 ,oh1 my ,am]ican fri5ds1 c y n see ! folly ( x all8 ,c y n see ! folly ( all[+ ?is "o-man p[] to cont9ue build+ ^! in/itutions all ov] ?is fair l& ( ours8 ,e "t y see a p>o*ial s*ool 9 ! %ad[ ( a cross1 j ?9k t !re is ! in/itution tak+ ! place ( our public s*ools1 & y c re/ assur$ t ev5 ! p>o*ial s*ools w\ld n be "h if x 7 n = ! public s*ools4 ,in/itutions suppos$ to be educational1 :5 9 reality !y are in/itutions = ! purpose ( tea*+ ,roman ,ca?olic paganism4 ,y may say t !re are ,roman ,ca?olics :o are well educat$4 ,yes1 !re are4 ,b :]e y w see "o :o is well educat$1 !re w be hundr$s & maybe ?\s&s :o h only a dup$ education1 a fool$ education1 s to speak4 ,i h giv5 y a fair example ( ,roman ,ca?olic education 9 my own life4 ,six ye>s be=e ,i ent]$ ! si/]hood1 ,i _h no?+ to d outside ! few home *ores1 kept 9 inexcusable ignorance1 depriv$ ( e opportunity = any enlight5m5t1 ev5 = my own future home life4 ,i c\ld he> no?+ b puni%m5ts1 purgatory1 hell-fire & ev]la/+ damnation4 ,pray] to ! crucifix 9 honor ( ! five holy w\nds1 to ! holy ,virg9 ,m>y & h] badge--! scapul>--= protection2 confession1 ! *ur*1 ! prie/-,*ri/--^! 7 my s*ool+4 ,no read+1 no society1 except "o ,ca?olic neighbor family1 & ,i 0 be+ cont9ually caution$ to bew>e ( !m1 z !y _h little ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion1 7 too worldly & 7 giv5 almo/ entirely to dress & nice times4 ,be assur$ t ,i _h a real ,roman ,ca?olic rais+1 absolute ignorance1 /eep$ 9 ,pop]y1 sup]/ition1 idolatry fill$ ) ,roman fanaticism4 ,"o ( ! ,popes has said1 ,ignorance is ! "m ( devotion4 ,yes1 sup]/ition 0 ! "n ( my ,roman ,ca?olic "m2 indiff]5ce 0 ! "n1 9 effect1 ( my ,roman ,ca?olic fa!r4 ,b ! ,"l ,god1 ! pope1 ?r\gh ! prie/1 ! devil's helli% sy/em1 0 ! s*ool ,i 0 rais$ 94 ,x 0 ?is cunn+ly devis$1 diabolical sy/em :i* 0 responsible = ! ignorance & m5tal bl9dness ( my good1 hone/1 b delud$ p>5ts1 z x 0 to blame = ! awful wrongs1 inju/ice & ! wret*$ life ( abject conv5t slav]y ,i _h to live s _m ye>s4 ,s ,i _h be5 compell$ to he> & see no?+ b ! "o sid$ tea*+ ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic cate*ism1 ! prie/'s hell & damnation prea*+1 _h be5 held back & d[n 9 ,roman ,ca?olic ignorance1 d>kness & sup]/ition1 until at l5g? ,i became z "o deaf1 dumb & bl9d1 :i* v well expla9s ! pr9ciple ( ! tea*+s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,dur+ ! la/ few ye>s ( my home life1 all home & prie/ly influ5ce 0 br\ght to be> on ! conv5t life z ! pref]able *oice = a girl4 ,i _h a great ambition to be a tea*]1 & ! ,jesuit prie/s 7,fa!r ,jordan & ,fa!r ,ca?aldo7 assur$ me t 9 ! conv5t ! si/]s taught ev]y?+ a girl ne$$ to "k2 music1 s++1 ne$lework & ! necess>y education = tea*+4 ,! beautiful1 gl[+ picture ( conv5t & a si/]'s life 7 con/antly be+ br\ght to my m9d1 till ,i c\ld at la/ ?9k ( no?+ else4 ,! _w 0 pictur$ z t]rible & s9ful2 ! p be+ educat$ 9 ! public s*ools1 liv+ "u ! influ5ce ( an unbeliev+ gov]nm5t1 p>5ts hav+ no religion1 p ( irresponsible "* & loose morals1 c>+ = no?+ b ! mat]ial ?+s ( ?is _w & good times1 :i* consi/$ ( s9ful pleasures4 ,&1 liv+ 9 ?is mann]1 !re 0 no hope ( et]nal life = !m1 z !re 0 no "o to :om !y c\ld confess _! s9s1 & no?+ defil$ c ent] heav54 ,) ^! ?+s con/antly burd5+ my undevelop$ m9d1 & ! ?\ght ( ! great "w ,i c\ld d = ! *ur* & prie/s1 & ( "s day be+ a great si/]-tea*]1 ,i at la/ cons5t$ to be a si/] = ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,v natural1 "u ?is k9d ( home life & influ5ce1 :5 e ?+ human1 natural1 ennobl+1 elevat+ & commonly dec5t & ,*ri/ian 0 )held & kept out ( my life1 & all ( nature's end[m5ts & rights di/ort$ & put to my m9d z some?+ deceptive & lead+ to s9 & deplorable wrongs4 ,,*apt] ,,iii4 ,,my ,,novitiate ,,life ,my la/ two confessions1 9 prep>ation to ent]+ ! conv5t 7 made to ,fa!r ,ces]ri4 ,:5 ,i _h f9i%$ ! la/ "o1 & he 0 exp\nd+ & expla9+ my admirable *oice ( si/]hood life1 he rais$ 8 "r h& :ile pron\nc+ ! words1 ,i absolve !e1 etc4 & !n he put 8 arm ar\nd my neck & v fa!rly kiss$ me4 ,9 ! mid/ ( my sanctify+ confusion ,i did n "k :e!r x 0 ! ,holy ,gho/1 or if x 0 meant 9 bro!rly love4 ,b1 ,i quiet$ my m9d ) ! happy ?\ght t z ! prie/ 0 ,*ri/ 9 ! confessional1 x mu/ h be5 ,him :o _h kiss$ me1 & ,i believ$ myself highly favor$ by ?is m>k ( ,8 love4 ,?is same prie/1 ,fa!r ,ces]ri1 took me f my home1 :i* 0 9 ! ,pal\se c\ntry 9 ! ea/]n "p ( ,wa%+ton1 to ,walla ,walla1 :i* 0 two days' travel by /age1 & a few h\rs on ! railroad4 ,at ! end ( ! two days' /age travel1 we 7 9 ,dayton1 ,wa%+ton4 ,x _h be5 v w>m & du/y all day4 ,! cl]k ( ! hotel %[$ u to a l>ge room prep>$ = two4 ,fa!r ,ces]ri1 9 a laugh+1 jolly1 good-natur$ mann]1 rem>k$ t ! cl]k took u = man & wife4 ,! prie/ left ! room :ile ,i 0 du/+ & arrang+ myself4 ,:5 he return$1 he _h a c\ple ( bottles ( port]1 he call$ x1 & two big goblets4 ,he op5$ ! port] & fill$ ! goblets1 h&$ "o to me & kept ! o!r himself4 ,i w\ld n take x1 tell+ him t ,i nev] took liquor4 ,he plead$ t ,i %\ld dr9k x z x w\ld d me good aft] ! tiresome travel ( ! day4 ,he c\ld n prevail ^u me to take x1 s he left ! room aga91 return+ soon ) "s be]1 say+ t ?is 0 mild] & insi/$ t ,i take x4 ,i refus$ z be=e4 ,he told me t if ,i want$ to be a si/] t ,i _h to le>n to obey1 z si/]s made v[s ( ob$i5ce4 ,s ,i cons5t$ to ta/e x 9 ob$i5ce to him4 ,he 0 !n satisfi$1 z ,i _h obey$4 ,! next day we w5t to ,walla ,walla1 :]e ,i rema9$ ab\t a mon? ) ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity1 :o took me to ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton1 :]e ,i ent]$ ! conv5t4 ,x 0 und]/ood betwe5 ! prie/ & my "m1 be=e ,i left home1 t ,i w\ld h a ye>'s s*ool+ be=e ent]+ ! ,si/]hood4 ,?is promise _h also be5 made to me by ! ,rev]5d ,"m ,john ( ! ,cross4 ,on ! day set by ! si/]s1 ,july #cj?1 #ahha1 ,i 0 notifi$ t ,i 0 to be receiv$ into ! novitiate t ev5+4 ,i rem9d$ ! rev]5d "m ( h] promise to me 9 reg>d to s*ool1 & %e told me t %e _h n =gott5 x1 t ! two ye>s' novitiate 0 all s*ool+4 ,i believ$ h]1 &1 z ,i _h already _h a few lessons 9 ob$i5ce1 ,i ?\ght x be/ = me to d z %e direct$4 ,i _h le>n$ t ! rev]5d "m sup]ior 0 ! same ov] u 9 ! conv5t z ! prie/ 9 ! confessional & *ur*4 ,s ,i yield$ 9 all confid5ce to h] = my future int]e/s4 ,illu/ration3 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 ,"o ,mon? ,be=e ,leav+ ,home = ! ,conv5t4 ,on ent]+ ! novitiate1 ,i 0 giv5 a =mula1 :i* ,i said kneel+1 z foll[s3 ,rev]5d ,"m1 ,i beg to ent] ?is holy h\se1 & w submit to all ! trials to prove myself wor?y to become a s]vant ( ! poor1 & pray = p]sev]ance4 ,i 0 !n l$ into a l>ge1 b>n-l hall or room1 ) a long1 sort-(-work%op table 9 ! c5t]1 & a numb] ( pla9 *airs--?is 0 all ! furniture4 ,!re 7 a few holy pictures on ! wall :i* broke ! awful b>5ess4 ,! frames 7 black1 c(f9-l /rips ( wood1 v =cibly impress+ ! idea ( dea? on my m9d4 ,i 0 !n l$ to a grad$ oratory :]e !re 7 v>i\s /atues & light$ c&les1 be=e :i* ,i knelt1 ahead ( ! novices & ! ,mi/ress ( ,novices1 & pray$3 ,v5i1 ,creator ,spiritus1 mean+1 ,come1 ,o ,holy ,gho/1 & ! ,litany ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,) ?is introductory c]emony ov]1 ! ,mi/ress came to me ) a l>ge pair ( scissors & cut (f my beautiful1 gold5-br[n hair1 my only beauty4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ m>k ( ! bea/1 ! fir/ prep>atory act = ,rome's holy in/itution4 ,i 0 !n a po/ulant :i* means on probation4 ,! po/ulant p]iod g5]ally is six mon?s4 ,dur+ t "t ! si/]s decide :e!r or n ! c&idate has a religi\s call+--t is1 to f9d out m intimately h] "*1 disposition1 temp]am5t1 incl9ations1 dis9cl9ations--to see if %e has ! bodily fitness & s\l requirem5ts to be p]mitt$ ! next /ep ( advancem5t 9 ?is holy call+4 ,i 0 told by ! mi/ress t ! clos+ ( ! door ( t holy h\se 0 a complete sep>ation ( myself f ! s9ful _w4 ,t if ,i want$ to be a sp\se ( ,*ri/ & a good si/]1 ,i _h to absolutely =get ev]y?+ outside ! conv5t1 ev5 to my own p>5ts & relations4 ,he t is n will+ to leave fa!r & "m = my sake is n wor?y ( me4 ,! "o important obligation t 0 repeat$ly impress$ ^u my m9d 0 t ,i _h ent]$ ! conv5t to become a religi\s to save my s\l4 ,! quotation1 ,let ! dead bury _! dead1 0 translat$ lit]ally to me1 & ,i 0 n to worry ab\t any "o outside ! f\r walls t enclos$ me4 ,z a po/ulant1 ,i 0 to le>n ! fundam5tal virtues ( ! community ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity--,humility1 ,simplicity & ,*>ity4 ,= ! acquisition ( ^! virtues ,i _h to le>n to dim9i% 9 my own e/imation2 be glad :5ev] ,i 0 giv5 an opportunity to abase1 to r5\nce or to mortify myself4 ,by ! int]ior & ext]ior practice ( ^! virtues ,i _h to prove myself4 ,by true humility ( he>t1 ,i _h to be> all ?+s & refuse ! s\l its desires4 ,! poor & humble 9 _s pass _! life 9 abundance ( peace1 ,i 0 taught4 ,"o ( ! fir/ humiliat+ exp]i5ces ,i _h1 to illu/rate ! above tea*+1 0 "o ,sunday ev5+ soon aft] ,i ent]$4 ,! si/] :o 0 to relieve me 9 ! dep>tm5t ,i 0 work+ 91 _h fail$ to report & ,i _h n _h any supp]4 ,! next ex]cise 0 b5$iction 9 ! *ur* & ,i c\ld n abs5t myself f ?is )\t be+ disp5s$ by my sup]ior1 & !n = only v grave reasons4 ,i w5t to ! novitiate room ab\t eight o'clock1 & ! mi/ress ( novices rebuk$ me sev]ely = n be+ 9 rank ) ! novices4 ,i told h] t ,i _h n _h any supp] yet1 z ! si/] (fic] _h fail$ to replace me 9 "t4 ,i _h brok5 a rule by be+ abs5t f supp] )\t p]mission1 s ,i w5t on my knees & ask$ a p5ance4 ,! mi/ress told me t ,i c\ld g to ! pantry & get "s eatables & take !m up to ! novitiate room & eat my supp] be=e ! novices4 ,%e also in=m$ me t ,i _h done wrong = blam+ a pr(ess$ si/] = ! brea* ( ! rule4 ,?is seems l a v *ildi% occurr5ce1 & s x 04 ,b x 0 humiliat+ = me to sit be=e a numb] ( novices eat+ a cold supp]1 & ,rome _h made h] po9t by dem&+ f "o ( h] dupes1 & ! dupe respond$4 ,almo/ f ! fir/ day ,i ent]$1 ,i _h to le>n ,lat9 pray]s4 ,?is 0 probably ! education ,i 0 promis$4 ,x w\ld h be5 alright _h ,i be5 taught ,lat9 s x w\ld h be5 ( "s b5efit to me4 ,b ^! pray]s 7 taught me 9 a sort ( p>rot-l mann]1 ! mi/ress ( novices tell+ me h[ to pron\nce ! words 9 ,lat91 & ,i knew :at !y meant 9 ,engli%1 hav+ le>n$ ! pray]s previ\sly4 ,if ,i 7 to see ! same words writt51 expla9+ some?+ ,i _h n previ\sly memoriz$1 ,i w\ld n be able to read or und]/& ! mean+ ( !m4 ,i le>n$ pray]s 9 ,fr5* 9 ! same mann]4 ,i w give y an example ( a ,lat9 pray]4 ,?is is ! ,angelical ,salutation1 or ,hail6 ,m>y3 ,ave1 ,m>ia1 gratia pl5a2 ,dom9us tecum2 b5$icta tu 9 muli]ibus1 et b5$ictus fructus v5tris tui1 ,jesus4 ,sancta ,m>ia1 ,mat] ,dei1 ora pro nobis peccatoribus1 nunc et 9 hora mortis no/rae4 ,am54 ,q (t5 dur+ my po/ulant p]iod1 :ile ,i 0 le>n+ ^! ,lat9 pray]s1 ,i w\ld h to d sew+4 ,?is 0 a beg9n+ ( ! v[ ( pov]ty1 :i* ,i hop$ to take 9 ! ne> future--le>n+ to be a religi\s1 & at ! same "t work+ my h&s = ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,! c&idate is assign$ h] "w by ! mi/ress ( novices & goes ?r\gh a te/ to see 9 :at way %e c become useful 9 ! s]vice ( ,god z a ,si/] ( ,*>ity4 ,x is a case ( gett+ all ! "w possible out ( ! girls f ! v />t1 = ^! s-call$ holy in/itutions4 ,my two ye>s' novitiate tra9+ 0 s]v$ 9 ! boys' dep>tm5t ( ! ,orphanage ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity at ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton4 ,!re 0 an av]age ( ab\t sev5ty boys 9 ?is in/itution1 rang+ 9 age f ?ree to f\rte5 ye>s4 ,two si/]s _h all ! c>e ( ^! *ildr51 except ! cook+ ( ! food4 ,&1 oh1 ! c>e ^! poor *ildr5 receiv$4 ,!y 7 physically & m5tally weak f hav+ be5 und]f$ & poorly c>$ =1 & be+ taught by two si/]s :o _h a p>o*ial s*ool education su* z ,i _h4 ,"o ( my duties 0 to awak5 ^! poor1 little waif *ildr5 = ,mass at five ?irty 9 ! morn+4 ,if1 on aris+1 ,i f\nd t any ( !m _h fail$ to get up dur+ ! night to att5d to nature's call1 x 0 my duty to :ip !m ) a sub/antial lea!r /rap1 :i* 0 provid$ = t purpose4 ,if "s ( ! l>g] boys ne$$ ?is p]suasive rem$y = _! ills1 !y w\ld be tak5 to ! attic1 /ripp$1 & "s si/] w\ld be !re to adm9i/] ! m$ic9e 9 prolific doses4 ,) ?is k9d ( treatm5t1 x 0 no wond] t we _h to be cont9ually on our gu>d to keep !m f runn+ away4 ,i h kn[n z _m z six at "o "t to run away = two or ?ree days1 & sometimes "s ( !m w\ld n come back at all4 ,on ! tw5ty-f\r? day ( ,febru>y1 #ahhb1 ,i 0 admitt$ to ! holy habit1 9 mo/ ord]s call$ ! tak+ ( ! :ite veil1 ! next /ep to my religi\s p]fection4 ,i 0 n[ a novice & ,i mu/ pres5t myself e two weeks to ! mi/ress ( novices1 & 9 ord] t %e may direct my s\l 9 ! spiritual life1 ,i mu/ kneel to h] 9 private & make :at is call$ manife/ation ( consci5ce4 ,t is1 to lay b>e my he>t & m9d 9 ev]y?+ ,i c possibly ?9k (1 except+ grave s9s4 ,if ! mi/ress1 :o is a cunn+ director1 has any dislike = any ( ! novices1 ?is ex]cise is v cruel1 = ^! sa9tly nuns "k bett] ?an any "o on e>? h[ to cunn+ly torture ^? 9 _! p[]--! sy/em =c+ !m to x4 ,e week ,i _h to g to ! prie/ = confession1 :e!r ,i _h any?+ to confess or n4 ,v (t5 ,i _h to se>* my he>t & m9d to f9d some?+ to tell ?is ,*ri/ 9 ! confessional4 ,soon aft] ,i became a novice1 we 7 call$ to ! novitiate = spiritual in/ruction4 ,fa!r ,l\is de ,g4 ,s*ram 0 ! *apla94 ,an orphan boy _h be5 tak5 out ( ! orphanage on acc\nt ( "o ( ! y\ng] si/]s hav+ talk$ a little too mu*4 ,fa!r ,s*ram said1 ,n[1 si/]s1 always tell ! tru?1 b to tell ! tru? y d n h to tell ev]y?+ y "k4 ,suppose1 ,si/] ,o',bri51 if somebody w\ld come & ask y1 ',is ,johnny ,morgan "h8' y w\ld n h to say ',yes1 ,johnny ,morgan is "h4' ,y place "o h& 9 ! sleeve ( ! o!r h&1 & y say1 ',no1 ,johnny ,morgan is n "h1' & y w mean t ,johnny ,morgan is n up y\r sleeve4 ,?is /ory 0 giv5 z a spiritual in/ruction1 b x v truly repres5ts ! sy/em ,i liv$ = ?irty-"o ye>s--deception1 f beg9n+ to f9i%4 ,) tea*+s ( ?is nature con/antly be=e u1 x 0 a case ( ly+1 /eal+1 ?iev+ & swipp+ among ourselves1 f morn+ till night1 to make life a little m com=table = ourselves4 ,a novice is n all[$ to talk 9 g5]al conv]sation ) a pr(ess$ si/] dur+ h] novitiate p]iod1 ) ! exception ( ! mi/ress ( novices & ! "m sup]ior4 ,^! two si/]s1 & ! prie/1 are ! only confid5ts we h1 z we are taught to talk among ourselves on religi\s subjects only1 & if we he> ano!r novice talk+ 9 any o!r subject or break+ any o!r rule1 x is our duty by rule & consci5ce to report h] to ! mi/ress ( novices4 ,we are told t we are all monitors1 :i* means1 c>ry ! reports to ! mi/ress ( novices4 ,?is practice de/roys confid5ce & causes u to reg>d "o ano!r ) suspicion1 ! result ( :i* is di/ru/ & hatr$1 & a g5]al spy sy/em4 ,?is is "o ( ! mo/ devili% practices taught 9 ?is "p ( a si/]'s life1 "o t /ays ) h] ?r\gh\t h] :ole si/]hood4 ,tattl+1 accus+1 *>g+ "o ano!r ) ! mo/ trivial1 cruel1 & v (t5 wick$ acts4 ,_m times ! si/] accus$ is innoc5t ( any wrong do+1 b !re is ne>ly always a p5ance impos$ ^u h]1 & if %e is n 9 ! good grace ( ! "m sup]ior1 ! p5ance is (t5 v sev]e4 ,illu/ration3 ,fa!r ,l\is de ,g4 ,s*ram 7,johnny ,morgan ,/ory7 ,f ! fir/ day we ent]1 we are n all[$ to s5d or receive mail1 )\t x fir/ be+ c5sor$4 ,?is is ano!r mann] ,rome has ( keep+ ! girls 9 ! conv5t aft] !y are once !re4 ,! practice ( c5sor%ip ( mail is absolutely aga9/ ! po/al laws ( ! c\ntry1 b x is done 9 ! conv5ts e day4 ,:y %\ld ! po/al au?orities p]mit ! cont9u\s disreg>d = ! laws8 ,are ! si/]s 9 ! conv5ts ,am]ican citiz5s & "u ! protection ( ! laws ( ! c\ntry1 or are !y n ,am]ican citiz5s8 ,if y w\ld op5 mail belong+ to "s o!r p]son1 unless y c\ld give a v good reason = s do+1 y w\ld f9d y\rself 9 ! clut*es ( ! law1 & w\ld h to acc\nt to ! ,f$]al gov]nm5t4 ,b y nev] he> ( a sup]ior ( a conv5t be+ held = op5+ ano!r si/]'s mail4 ,:y ?is discrim9ation8 ,is x n break+ ! law 9 "o in/ance ! same z ! o!r8 ,:ile ,i 0 9 ! novitiate1 a lett] t ,i _h writt5 to my p>5ts1 0 return$ to me by ! mi/ress ( novices1 ) ! in/ruction t ,i rewrite x & leave c]ta9 p>ts out1 z x w\ld cause my p to ?9k t ,i 0 n happy4 ,yes1 de> read]1 t is x exactly4 ,x did n make any diff]5ce h[ ,i felt1 :e!r ,i 0 happy or n1 ! fact 0 t ,i 0 9 ! conv5t1 seem+ly1 = bett] or worse4 ,x 0 ! impression ,i left on ! out] _w t ,rome 0 mo/ int]e/$ 94 ,! fact ( ! matt] is1 t ,i 0 n happy & wi%$ to leave1 b did n "k :at to d or :]e to g4 ,i knew t ,i w\ld n be welcom$ 9 my own home or among ,roman ,ca?olics1 & ) ! br++ up ,i _h receiv$ & "u ! influ5ce ( ?is religi\s tra9+1 ,i believ$ x impossible to be sav$ among ,prote/ants4 ,sev]al times ,i made m5tion ( my unhapp9ess to ! ,ma/] ( ,novices 9 ! confessional4 ,he implor$ me to be fai?ful & ,god w\ld rew>d me1 & if ,i 0 n fai?ful !re 0 small *ance ( sav+ my s\l4 ,ne>ly always aft] tell+ ! ,ma/] ( ,novices ( ! unhapp9ess 9 ! conv5t1 he w\ld1 at ! next spiritual in/ruction1 give u a long talk ab\t girls :o _h lo/ _! vocation by leav+ ! conv5t1 & t !y ne>ly all came to a bad end4 ,my de> read]1 y c readily und]/& :y m ( ^! poor1 delud$ si/]s d n leave ^! in/itutions1 :51 f ! v beg9n+ ^! pr9ciples are gr\nd 9 _! v he>ts & m9ds until !y become z "o b\nd1 ti$ & gagg$4 ,,*apt] ,,iv4 ,a ,,virg9 ,,sp\se ,,( ,,*ri/ ,,my ,,fir/ ,,mission ,my novitiate tra9+ ( two ye>s be+ f9i%$1 ,i 0 n[ ready to be prep>$ to become a ,virg9 ,sp\se ( ,*ri/4 ,my canonical exam9ation 0 conduct$ by ,! ,"r ,rev]5d ,aeg$ius ,j\ng]1 ,bi%op ( ,nesqually4 ,?is exam9ation 0 a v private affair4 ,x consi/$ ( rigid que/ion+ 9 reg>d to ! v[s ,i 0 ab\t to take1 pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce1 & especially ! v[ ( *a/ity4 ,i 0 ask$ :at ,i und]/ood by ! v[ ( *a/ity1 & if ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld keep x ?r\gh my life4 ,i 0 also que/ion$ v closely z to my fitness to take a v[ ( ?is nature4 ,i 0 in=m$ t my exam9ation _h be5 satisfactory1 & on ! six? day ( ,augu/1 #ahhc1 ,i made my pr(ession z a ,si/] ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 9 ! conv5t ( t ord]1 ! ,h\se ( ,provid5ce1 9 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton4 ,bi%op ,j\ng] (ficiat$ at ?is c]emony1 assi/$ by ,fa!r ,s*ram & sev]al o!r prie/s4 ,?is c]emony includ$ ! nuptial mass :i* is ! w$d+ c]emony betwe5 ! novice1 or c&idate1 z ! bride1 & ,jesus ,*ri/1 ! abs5t bridegroom4 ,at ?is c]emony ,i receiv$ my w$d+ r+ 7:i* ,i h yet7 & took ! p]petual v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce4 ,^! ?ree ?+s--! w$d+ c]emony1 receiv+ ! r+ & ! tak+ ( ! v[s--made me a virg9 bride ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,! head-ge> ( ! g>b 0 *ang$ at ?is c]emony ( my religi\s pr(ession1 :i* 0 ! only diff]5ce betwe5 ! g>b ( ! novice & ! pr(ess$ si/] 9 ! ord] ,i _h ent]$4 ,i also receiv$ my numb]1 #eed1 :i* meant t ,i 0 ! #eed? si/] to ent] t ord]1 & :i* ,i kept ?r\gh\t my si/]hood life4 ,all clo!s & articles assign$ to u = our use are m>k$ ) ! si/]'s numb]1 j z secul>s 7p ( ! _w7 use _! names or initials1 or ! numb]+ ( convicts 9 ! p5it5ti>y4 ,! foll[+ is1 9 sub/ance1 ! =m ( ! f9al & p]petual v[s ,i took3 ,9 ! "n ( ! ,fa!r1 & ( ! ,son1 & ( ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,i1 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 9 religion ,si/] ,lucretia1 wi%+ to consecrate myself to ,god z a daught] ( *>ity1 a s]vant ( ! poor1 d h]eby make to ! ,div9e ,maje/y ! p]petual v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce1 "u ! au?ority ( ! ,g5]al ,sup]ior1 & accord+ to ! con/itution & laws ( ! in/itute & organization4 ,i humbly beg ! ,div9e m]cy ?r\gh ! inf9ite m]its ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 ! int]cession ( ,8 glori\s ,"m & ! pray]s ( ! ,patron ,sa9ts ( ?is ,in/itute1 to grant me ! grace ( be+ fai?ful to ^! v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce2 = ! disp5sation ( :i* ,i w humbly submit to my ,"m ,g5]al & ! ,holy ,fa!r1 ! ,pope4 ,am54 ,aft] ! tak+ ( ^! v[s1 !re is m mass dur+ :i* ! act ( ,consecration to ! ,holy ,virg9 ,m>y takes place4 ,i _h j be5 consecrat$ to ,jesus ,*ri/ z ,8 virg9 sp\se1 b n[ ,i mu/ be consecrat$ to ,8 "m4 ,let me say "r "h t once ea* ye> ! si/]s are requir$ to r5ew _! v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce1 & ! act ( consecration to ! ,holy ,virg9 ,m>y4 ,! act ( consecration to ! ,holy ,virg9 ,m>y is z foll[s3 ',o1 ,holy ,virg91 virg9 among all virg9s1 & que5 ( all religi\s associations1 we humbly pro/rate ourselves at y\r feet 9 ord] to ackn[l$ge t aft] ,god1 x is to y1 ,o good "m ( ours1 t we owe ! grace ( our vocation--devot$ & consecrat$ 9 a special mann] to ! devotion ( y\r sorr[s4 ,be+ call$ to take c>e ( y\r de> ,son 9 ,8 pov]ty1 ,8 suff]+ & to assi/ ,him :5 dy+1 we desire t y make u %>e 9 y\r feel+s z a "m4 ,!re=e1 please make u p>take ( y\r compassion = all ! spiritual & physical mis]ies ( ! *ildr5 t y h begott5 on ! cross4 ,be pleas$ to look at u z ! daught]s ( sorr[4 ,deign to receive u 9 y\r mo/ amiable he>t--?is he>t ( y\rs t 0 pi]c$ ) ! sev5 swords ( sorr[ ,we will+ly love ?is he>t ( y\rs s good4 ,y "k ! dang]s we g ?r\gh 9 ! ex]cise ( ,*>ity2 take great c>e ( u 9 ! mid/ ( our p]ils1 ,o y :o are ! help] ( all ,*ri/ians4 ,9 ackn[l$gm5t ( y\r k9dness1 we %all "w ) all our /r5g? to make all p love1 s]ve & glorify !e4 ,am54' ,all[ me to expla91 9 a concise mann]1 ! ?ree v[s1 pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce3 ,by ! v[ ( pov]ty1 ,i _h to give up all ! mat]ial goods ,i possess$ & all t ,i ev] hop$ to possess ei!r by s]vice or inh]itance--be+ guid$ accord+ to ! ,"l's c\nsel1 ,if ?\ wilt be p]fect1 g1 sell all ?\ ha/ & give x to ! poor4 ,ev5 my mat]ial body no long] belong$ to myself1 ,i 0 an inh]5t "p ( ! ord]4 ,no?+ belong$ to me--! clo!s ,i wore1 ev5 to a p91 belong$ to ! community4 ,i _h to always say1 ,?is is ours1 nev] say ,?is is m9e4 ,if any pres5ts 7 giv5 to me 9 any ( ! "w ,i 0 to d1 ,i _h to turn !m ov] to ! sup]ior4 ,n a m9ute ( "t is m9e any long]1 ! tw5ty-f\r h\rs ( ! day belongs to ! community1 & if ,i wi% to d any?+ o!r ?an ! daily r\t9e1 ,i mu/ be disp5s$ by my sup]ior4 ,by ! v[ ( *a/ity ,i 0 =bidd5 to ?9k ( a man or m>riage4 ,i 0 n all[$ to kiss & fondle *ildr51 especially male *ildr51 or to kiss ano!r si/]4 ,aft] a long abs5ce1 si/]s may embrace & greet ea* o!r by rubb+ head-ge>s aga9/ ! *eeks4 ,i 0 n all[$ to ent] ! curta9$-(f ap>tm5t ( ano!r si/] 9 ! dormitory4 ,i 0 n all[$ any m lib]ty t[>ds ev5 my "m or any ( my relatives ?an ,i 0 t[>ds /rang]s4 ,i may1 z my book ( rule reads1 see !m = "o-half an h\r1 ^u p]mission f my sup]ior1 & if ! "t is ext5d$ ,i mu/ be disp5s$ by my sup]ior = ! non-obs]vance ( ?is po9t ( ! holy rule4 ,n[1 :5 ,i _h ?is p]mission to speak to "s ( my relatives1 or "s "o else1 ,i mu/ nev] speak 9 a language n und]/ood by ! si/] 9 ne> surveillance4 ,if ^! visits occur m ?an once or twice a ye>1 x is ample gr\nd = humility1 & mean1 cutt+ ?+s said by ! sup]ior & si/]s4 ,?is is also a brea* ( ! v[ ( pov]ty1 z ! "t sp5t talk+ does n belong to ! si/] b to ! community4 ,%e is told t x is a bad example to o!rs :o may wi% ! same privilege4 ,x is a cont9ual det]m9$ vigilance1 keep+ ! si/]s f any communication ) ! outside _w4 ,! rule p>ticul>ly emphasizes t ! si/]s %all n keep birds or pet animals1 z x w\ld take "t1 :i* is n h]s1 & div]t h] affection :i*1 z a si/] sp\se1 mu/ be giv5 entirely to h] heav5ly sp\se1 ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,ano!r great tea*+ ( ?is v[ ( *a/ity is mode/y4 ,a si/] is taught to keep h] eyes mode/ly ca/ d[n1 fold h] h&s 9 ! big sleeves ( h] g>b :5 9 ! pres5ce ( ! opposite sex 7z m5 are call$71 & nev] look !m 9 ! face any high] ?an ! *94 ,i tri$ ?is tea*+ = "s "t1 b someh[ ,"m ,nature 0 /ill ) me1 & e once 9 a :ile ,i w\ld take a quick look at a man full 9 ! face to see if he 0 good-look+1 & if ,i c\ld n see a good-look+ man1 ,i w\ld look at ! prie/ to see if he 0 h&some4 ,z an example = ?is virtue ( mode/y1 we 7 told ( ! "y ,jesuit prie/1 ,/4 ,aloysius1 :o 0 s good & pure & holy1 t he nev] look$ 8 own "m full 9 ! face4 ,by ! v[ ( ob$i5ce a si/] is to yield entire ob$i5ce ( ?\ght1 ^w & und]/&+ to h] sup]ior4 ,! w ( h] sup]ior mu/ be h] w1 believ+ t black 0 :ite if ! sup]ior said s4 ,lit]ally1 %e 0 l a corpse 9 h] sup]ior's h&s1 & /ill a tool to "w = ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,:at is worse ?an m5tal slav]y1 ! /ultify+ ( all our intellectual p[]s & br++ !m "u ! despotic w ( ano!r1 & ?is beh9d ! prison walls & b>r$ doors ( ! ,romi% religi\s conv5t8 ,obligations to conv5t life & practices cru% all natural in/9ct4 ,if ! si/] desires to aim at ! high ideals taught 9 ! si/]hood1 %e mu/ abase & humiliate h]self4 ,if %e has n ! c\rage to make a fool ( h]self1 by abas+ & humiliat+ h]self1 %e mu/ ask h] sup]ior to give h] "s humiliat+ p5ance to suppress h] feel+s ( high] nature z pr\d & com+ f ! devil4 ,! m s9ful & crim9al a si/] c believe h]self 9 ! eyes ( ,god1 & ! m des]v+ ( prisonlike treatm5t1 & z a worm "u ! feet ( all h] companions1 ! m p]fect & sa9tly %e becomes 9 h] own eyes & 9 ! eyes ( h] sup]ior1 :o c !n use h] z a bett] tool = ! b5efit ( ! sy/em4 ,any "o :o kn[s any?+ ab\t nuns kn[s t !y are ne>ly all l *ildr51 = "u ! ironclad1 n>r[ & re/rict$ rule1 ! si/]s retrograde f ! day !y ent]1 & z "t goes on !y become z ! rule itself--bitt] & he>tless1 f a s5se ( morbidness & f ! unnatural conditions1 circum/ances & environm5t surr\nd+ !m4 ,!re are ! si/]s :o are *ildi% & silly2 o!rs :o are ! cunn+ hypocrite4 ,! latt] type become ! s*em]s among ! si/]s = ! sy/em1 & believe me1 !y w leave no?+ undone to ga9 favor ) ! heads ( ! ord] & ! prie/s t !y might ga9 "s high (fice = !mselves4 ,= ne>ly a ye> aft] ,i took my v[s1 ,i rema9$ at ! ,orphanage 9 ,vanc\v]4 ,z y already "k1 ,i 0 rais$ on a ran*1 & 0 accu/om$ to be+ 9 ! op5 air & hav+ pl5ty ( sun%9e4 ,^! ?ree ye>s ( almo/ complete conf9em5t 9 ?is in/itution1 & ! long h\rs ( h>d1 t$i\s "w _h begun to tell on my heal?4 ,&1 n[ z ,i c\ld h>dly att5d to my duties1 ,i 0 transf]r$ to an ,indian ,mission at ,tulalip1 ,wa%+ton1 ab\t ,june1 #ahhd4 ,i 0 at ?is ,mission five ye>s4 ,! fir/ eight mon?s ,i work$ 9 ! boys' dep>tm5t1 assi/+ 9 ! indu/rial tra9+ ( ab\t sev5ty-five ,indian boys4 ,! "p ,i _h 9 tra9+ ^! boys 0 m manual s]vice ?an real in/ruction4 ,b my labors kept me out ( doors consid]ably & at ! end ( ! eight mon?s1 my heal? 0 practically re/or$4 ,i 0 !n giv5 *>ge ( ! girls' dep>tm5t ( ! ,mission :]e ! "w 0 aga9 v conf9+4 ,imag9e1 if y c1 ! t]rible conditions ,i _h to cont5d ) at ?is s*ool4 ,!re 7 ab\t sixty girls1 rang+ 9 age f five to tw5ty-five ye>s4 ,!y all slept 9 "o l>ge dormitory ) b$s s close toge!r1 t !re 0 b>ely pass+ space1 & ,i occupi$ "o corn] ( t room4 ,! accommodations = cleanl9ess 7 v poor1 & ! /5* 9 t sleep+ room 0 simply nauseat+1 & !re 0 no rem$y = x1 ) ! exi/+ conditions4 ,9 ! morn+1 ,i _h to dress ab\t tw5ty-five ( ^! girls1 & c>e = ! runn+1 matt]+ sores ( _m1 :o 7 diseas$ 7scr(ul\s71 ) an o9tm5t suppli$ = t purpose by ! gov]nm5t physician4 ,aft] ?is doctor _h made a few visits & ,i _h become a little acqua9t$ ) him1 ! sup]ior came to me & ask$ me ab\t our conv]sation4 ,:5 %e f\nd out t we _h talk$ ab\t "s ?+s t 7 n /rictly bus9ess1 ,i 0 n all[$ to be 9 ! room :5 he came aga94 ,%e told me t ,i %\ld be v c>eful ar\nd a man1 t ,i might lose my vocation4 ,i _h to take my turn 9 ! laundry ne>ly e week1 & ,i rememb] "o in/ance :i* occurr$ :i* w illu/rate h[ ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em makes a m\nta9 out ( a mole hill & causes s mu* sorr[ ov] practically no?+4 ,i _h damag$ a little r$-flannel %irt belong+ to "o ( ! *ildr51 :ile wa%+ x1 & ,i nev] he>d ! end ( ?is t]rible ?+ until aft] ,i wrote to my fa!r & ask$ him to s5d me five doll>s1 t ,i might replace x4 ,a v trivial ?+ 9 itself b ! sup]ior kept talk+ ab\t x1 caus+ me v mu* sorr[ & grief t ,i %$ _m te>s ov] x4 ,:ile ,i 0 at ?is ,mission1 ,i receiv$ a lett] f my fa!r in=m+ me t my "m 0 v ill1 & t 9 all probability w\ld soon pass away4 ,?is lett] _h be5 address$ to ,vanc\v]1 & my ,"m ,sup]ior _h op5$ x & knew ! cont5ts4 ,:5 %e =w>d$ x to me1 %e inclos$ a lett] to my sup]ior at ,tulalip1 tell+ h] to tell me t if ,i c\ld get "s "o to take my place & get ! money necess>y = my f>e f my fa!r1 %e w\ld give me p]mission to g home to see my "m be=e %e di$4 ,%e knew v well t x 0 an impossibility to get any o!r to take my place1 z ,i did n h ! assign+ ( si/]s to "w ( any nature1 & none b si/]s 7 all[$ 9 ! ,mission4 ,! answ] 0 simply t my "m di$ & ,i nev] saw h] aft] ! day ,i left home to ent] ! holy conv5t4 ,aga91 aft] f\r ye>s ( conf9+ "w 9 ?is dep>tm5t ( ! mission1 my heal? absolutely fail$4 ,i ask$ to be transf]r$ to "s o!r h\se :]e ,i might h a *ance to recup]ate4 ,ab\t ! fir/ ( ,septemb]1 #ahhi1 ,i 0 transf]r$ to ! ,indian ,mission at ,colville1 ,wa%+ton4 ,at ?is ,mission ,i _h *>ge ( ! sew+ & assi/$ 9 ! d9+-room4 ,! responsibility 0 mu* less ?an x _h be5 at ,tulalip1 &1 hav+ be5 reliev$ ( ?is /ra91 & depress+ conditions1 ,i gradually rega9$ my heal?4 ,i _h n[ sp5t a little ov] six ye>s 9 ,mission "w1 & be+ naturally ( an active disposition1 bo? m5tally & physically1 ,i knew t ,i c\ld n endure ?is bani%m5t mu* long]4 ,i say bani%m5t v ?\ghtfully1 = bani%m5t x 04 ,no companions ) :om to conv]se1 z ! o!r si/]s 9 ^! ,missions 7 g5]ally =eign]s :o c\ld speak v little ,engli%1 & z = be+ companions !y 7 little bett] ?an no "o4 ,!n1 ! "w 0 v tiresome & monoton\s1 ) no physical ex]cise atta*$ to x1 ne>ly all be+ done 9 a sitt+ po/ure1 ) no?+ to use or enlight5 ! m5tality4 ,s1 realiz+ ^! conditions1 ,i ask$ to be giv5 "s "w ( a m active nature4 ,&1 ab\t ! fir/ ( ,decemb]1 #ahij1 ,i 0 transf]r$ to ! ,sacr$ ,he>t ,hospital1 ,spokane1 ,wa%+ton4 ,i 0 at ?is hospital only a %ort "t1 b :ile !re ,i _h *>ge ( ! laundry1 :i* meant do+ mo/ ( ! "w 9 t dep>tm5t1 & also *>ge ( a w>d ( f\rte5 pati5ts1 reg>dless ( ! fact t ,i _h nev] _h any previ\s exp]i5ce ( ?is nature4 ,&1 believe me1 !re 7 _m try+1 disagreeable exp]i5ces bo? to myself & ! sick1 due to my be+ untra9$4 ,i recall "o in/ance :5 ,i ne>ly injur$ myself = life lift+ a pati5t :5 ,i did n "k h[ to h&le a p]son 9 a helpless condition4 ,my back 0 crippl$ = ab\t a mon?1 b !y say exp]i5ce is ! be/ tea*]1 & ,i _h _h my fir/ lesson ( ?is nature4 ,a physician _h prescrib$ a seidlitz p[d] = a pati5t ,i 0 att5d+1 b ,i _h nev] giv5 "o & did n "k h[ to proce$4 ,i ask$ ! si/] sup]ior1 & !n endeavor$ to c>ry out h] ord]s4 ,i took two l>ge tumbl]s half fill$ ) wat] & a p[d] 9 ea*4 ,hurri$ly ,i p\r$ ! cont5ts ( "o tumbl] into ! o!r & ! eff]vesc+ sal9e ran all ov] ! poor man & b$1 :ile he 0 mak+ desp]ate ef=ts to dr9k a little4 ,all ! m5 9 ! w>d rais$ _! heads to see ! exp]im5t & enjoy$ a he>ty laugh1 :ile ! pati5t receiv$ 8 prescription & a %[] ba?1 bo? at ! same "t4 ,?is 0 "o "t 9 my conv5t life t ,i receiv$ :at ,i _h ask$ =1 9 fact1 x 0 j ! opposite extreme ( :at ,i _h be5 exp]i5c+ 9 my previ\s ,mission4 ,i 0 on my feet f morn+ till night1 & ev5 = recreation & div]sion1 ,i 0 s5t to ! kit*5 to assi/ 9 ! "w !re4 ,,*apt] ,v4 ,,my ,,begg+ ,,exp$ition4 ,,/4 ,,v9c5t',s ,,hospital--,,r\t9e ,,( ,a ,,si/]4 ,dur+ ! spr+ ( #ahia1 ! ,prov9ce ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce ( ! ,pacific ,nor?we/ 0 divid$1 & by an ord] f ! head ,"m ,h\se at ,montreal1 ! si/]s 7 to rema9 9 ! prov9ces :]e !y 7 :5 ! division w5t into effect4 ,i 0 ord]$ to report to ! ,"m ,h\se at ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton4 ,?is 0 9 ,m>*1 #ahia4 ,on my way to ,vanc\v] f ,spokane1 ,i _h to pass ?r\gh ,portl&1 ,oregon1 & :ile !re ! ord] w5t into effect1 & ! si/] sup]ior ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital claim$ me z a subject ( ! ,oregon ,prov9ce4 ,i 0 at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital ab\t a mon?1 :5 ,i 0 transf]r$ to ,a/oria1 ,oregon1 to ,/4 ,m>y's ,hospital1 :]e ,i practic$ on typhoid pati5ts & became m effici5t 9 laundry "w1 = a little ov] a ye>4 ,9 ,june1 #ahib1 ,i 0 mission$ to ,/4 ,m>y's ,hospital1 ,new ,we/m9/]1 ,b4 ,c4 ,my duties 9 ?is hospital 7 practically ! same z 9 ! o!r hospitals ,i _h work$ 94 ,x 0 :ile ,i 0 at ?is hospital t ,i 0 s5t on my pr9cipal begg+ exp$ition4 ,on ,july f\r?1 #ahib1 ,si/] ,e!lb]t & myself 7 commission$ to g nor? to ! logg+ camps on ! isl&s 9 ! ,gulf ( ,georgia 7ne> ,alaska7 to secure contributions 9 ! "n ( ,*>ity = ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* & to sell tickets = t5 doll>s ea*1 :i* w\ld entitle ! hold] to c>e 9 ,/4 ,m>y's ,hospital1 ,new ,we/m9t]1 ,b4 ,c41 = a specifi$ "t4 ,! h>d%ip & t]rors ( ?is trip are indescribable4 ,cross+ ! /ormy /raights 9 small canoes1 camp+ out at night 9 ! wilde/ woods1 our lives 7 endang]$ _m times4 ,arriv+ at ! camps at all h\rs ( ! night1 tir$1 wet1 cold & hungry2 be+ lift$ into bunks by ! m5 :5 we 7 s cold1 9 fact ne>ly froz51 t we c\ld h>dly move2 be+ c>ri$ on ! backs ( ! m5 across muddy & wet places :]e ! wat] 0 too %all[ = ! canoe1 or boat1 to l&4 ,oh1 yes1 9 ! conv5t we 7 taught to be s mode/--mode/y to ! v extreme1 b x is all "r1 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 to s5d si/]s to su* places z ?is1 :]e1 z "s ( ! m5 told me1 !y _h n se5 a woman = f ?ree to eight ye>s4 ,x 0 all "r 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* because we 7 gett+ ! money = ! fat liv+ ( ! prie/s & to enri* ! c(f]s ( ! ,pope ( ,rome4 ,believe me1 de> read]1 no b5efit d ! si/]s ev] get f ! h>d%ips & indignities impos$ ^u !m on a trip ( ?is nature4 ,illu/ration3 ,si/] ,e!lb]t1 my companion on ! begg+ trip to ! ,gulf ( ,georgia1 ne> ,alaska4 ,%e told me ?is 0 h] sev5? trip to ?is "p ( ! c\ntry on a mission ( ?is nature4 ,%e di$ at ! age ( ?irty-six ye>s4 ,at "o camp we visit$1 ! m5 refus$ to keep u ov] night1 s ! m5 :o _h r[$ u all day1 began to r[ u to ! next camp4 ,ab\t t5 o'clock 9 ! night1 a /orm arose1 & we _h to l&1 z x 0 too r\gh to g f>!r4 ,! %ore space 0 v limit$1 z !re 7 huge m\nta9s on "o side & ! break]s on ! o!r4 ,dry wood 0 v sc>ce s ! fire we _h 0 little bett] ?an none at all4 ,!re 7 f\r ( u--two si/]s & two m5--& all ! cov]+ we _h 0 "o d\ble blanket1 ) ! r\gh1 rocky %ore = a b$4 ,ab\t two o'clock 9 ! morn+1 ! /orm subsid$ & we emb>k$ aga9 & cont9u$ our j\rney1 arriv+ at ! next camp ab\t f\r o'clock4 ,two ( ! workm5 v k9dly gave u _! bunk1 b because ( ! cold !re 0 v little sleep4 ,:5 we arose1 ! ,*9ese cook took u to ! kit*5 & _h u w>m our feet 9 ! l>ge ov54 ,he 0 a v good & k9d sympa!tic fri5d = he look$ s sorry = u & said1 ,y h h>d "t4 ,s9ce ,i _h to g begg+1 ,i 0 v pleas$ to h ,si/] ,e!lb]t = a companion because ,i knew t %e 0 n a tr\ble-mak]1 b a truly good & si/]ly p]son4 ,i _h hung]$ & long$ = _m ye>s to be ) "s si/] t ,i c\ld talk ) on "s o!r ?an ! writt5 religi\s subjects & ,i 0 sure t ?is 0 ! opportunity4 ,i tri$ to talk to h]1 & %e w\ld smile at me1 & %e tri$ to talk to me1 & ,i w\ld smile at h]4 ,x 0 v app>5t t our vocabul>y 0 v limit$ & simple1 :5 x came to talk+ on outside subjects4 ,x 0 n till "s ye>s lat] t ,i realiz$ :y ?is condition exi/$4 ,x 0 f ! long sil5ce & suppression1 ( n only spee*1 b our v ?\ghts1 hav+ be5 9 bondage s long4 ,we 7 away f ,/4 ,m>y's ,hospital j ?ree weeks & br\ght back a little ov] elev5 hundr$ doll>s 9 *ecks & ca%4 ,is x any wond] t ,rome c build su* magnific5t in/itutions8 ,z a result ( ! exposure & h>d%ips on ?is trip ,i contract$ sickness f :i* ,i did n completely recov] dur+ ! rema9d] ( my conv5t life4 ,& oh1 if ,i c\ld only expla9 :at x means to be a sick si/]6 ,i 0 n receiv+ ! prop] c>e1 s ,i wrote to my ,"m ,h\se1 locat$ 9 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 plead+ t some?+ might be done = me4 ,i wait$ = ?ree weeks = an answ]1 b receiv$ none4 ,i wrote to my ,sup]ior aga91 & told h] t if ! community c\ld n give me ! c>e ,i ne$$1 ,i w\ld write to my fa!r & ask him to see t ,i receiv$ m$ical assi/ance4 ,?is 0 a v bold ?+ = a si/] to d1 b ,i 0 c]ta9ly v sick & little did ,i c>e :at ! community w\ld d to me4 ,:5 ! ,"m ,sup]ior receiv$ ?is lett]1 ,i 0 imm$iately recall$ to ! ,"m ,h\se by telegram4 ,i arriv$ at ! ,"m ,h\se1 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 on ! sev5? day ( ,july1 #ahic4 ,i receiv$ fairly good c>e = a %ort "t2 !n ,i 0 h&$ a picture ( our suff]+ ,"l1 & told by ! ,"m ,prov9cial1 ,si/] ,m>y ,!resa1 to practice resignation & make nov5as to ?is miracul\s picture = help4 7,nov5a means n9e days' pray]47 ,= ye>s ,i 0 n sick en\gh to be conf9$ to my b$1 al?\gh ,i %\ld h be5 !re _m times :5 ,i 0 drudg+ away1 work+ = ! ,*ur* ( ,rome4 ,a sick si/] ne$ n look = any c>e until %e is ab\t ready to pass to ! ,great ,beyond4 ,! climax ( my sickness came _m ye>s lat] :5 ,i _h to submit to an op]ation4 ,dur+ ! fir/ eight mon?s ,i 0 at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,i _h v little use ( my left h& & arm4 ,i ?\ght x 0 p>tial p>alysis4 ,a v prom95t physician ( ! hospital /aff1 ^: "n ,i purposely )hold1 diagnos$ my case & gave x a te*nical "n1 :i* my un9telligible m9d c\ld n compreh5d4 ,b 9 my pres5ce he told ,si/] ,m>y ,bonsec\rs1 :o 0 my (fic] & :o _h receiv$ ord]s to see :at ! doctor c\ld d = me1 t ,i w\ld nev] be any bett]4 ,nev]!less1 he prescrib$ = me :i* improv$ my condition to a c]ta9 ext5t4 ,9 ?is condition ,i assi/$ 9 ! c>+ ( pati5ts1 do+ ! be/ ,i c\ld1 exp]im5t+1 z x 71 & le>n+ a little "h & !re at ! exp5se ( ! suff]+ sick4 ,we _h no in/ructors or books on nurs+ until aft] ,i _h be5 !re ab\t ?ree ye>s1 :5 we 7 furni%$ "o book1 a manual ( nurs+1 & :5ev] a si/] 0 lucky en\gh to get x %e w\ld keep x until "s o!r si/] w\ld h a *ance to swipe x4 ,a si/] once swip$ x f me1 & x took me eight mon?s to get a *ance to swipe x back4 ,also1 ab\t ?is "t we 7 all[$ to att5d c]ta9 lectures giv5 by ! /aff doctors4 ,"o ( ! c]ta9 lectures we 7 n all[$ to att5d 7 ^? giv5 on mat]nity1 & yet ! si/]s 7 held responsible = any errors 9 c>+ = cases ( ?is nature4 ,to sum x all up 9 %ort1 we 7 in/ruct$ to pray t ,god w\ld bless u & our "w & t no?+ wrong w\ld happ5 to ! pati5ts4 ,dur+ ! fir/ six ye>s ( my exp]i5ce at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital & aft] ,i _h recov]$ suffici5tly f my sickness1 ,i 0 s5t to ,/4 ,m>y's ,hospital1 ,a/oria1 ,oregon1 (f & on1 = %ort p]iods to assi/ 9 ! "w !re4 ,9 #ahie ! new magnific5t1 six-/ory brick ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital 0 f9i%$1 & we took *>ge 9 ,septemb] ( t ye>4 ,"h ,i _h *>ge ( t5 rooms1 & _h ! s]v+ ( two meals daily to ! entire floor1 :i* meant ab\t fifty pati5ts1 & ! only assi/ance ,i _h 0 "o girl :o 0 nei!r si/] nor nurse1 b v good & k9d to me4 ,besides ^! duties1 ,i _h to take my turn 9 ! laundry1 d sew+1 & above all else1 att5d to ! numb]less religi\s obligations4 ,9 ord] t y might realize ( :at ^! numb]less religi\s obligations consi/$1 ,i w "h give a program ( ! daily r\t9e :i* ,i _h to foll[ ?r\gh\t my ,si/]hood c>e]3 ,rise at #e3jj ,a4,m4 ,morn+ pray]1 foll[$ by m$itation #e3cj ,a4,m4 ,mass #f3jj ,a4,m4 ,breakfa/ #g3jj ,a4,m4 ,spiritual read+ #i3jj ,a4,m4 ,exam9ation ( consci5ce #aa3be ,a4,m4 ,d9n] #aa3cj ,a4,m4 ,beads #aa3ce ,a4,m4 ,recreation = "o h\r beg9n+ at #ab3jj noon ,spiritual read+ #a3cj ,p4,m4 ,pro/ration #c3jj ,p4,m4 ,m$itation #d3jj ,p4,m4 ,exam9ation ( consci5ce #e3ee ,p4,m4 ,supp] #f3jj ,p4,m4 ,beads #f3be ,p4,m4 ,recreation = "o h\r beg9n+ at #g3jj ,p4,m4 ,ev5+ pray] & exam9ation ( consci5ce #h3jj ,p4,m4 ,foll[$ by a visit to ! bless$ ,sacram5t 9 ! ,*apel4 ,retire--lights out & sil5ce #i3jj ,p4,m4 ,illu/ration3 ,caught 9 ! ,act ( ,kiss+ ! ,floor1 a ,v ,common ,p5ance = ! ,si/]s 9 ! ,ord] ,i ,0 a ,memb] (4 ,9 addition to ^!1 ! foll[+ mu/ be obs]v$3 ,e h\r ( ! day :5 ! clock /rikes1 ea* si/] mu/ rise to h] feet & say1 ,let u rememb] t we are 9 ! holy pres5ce ( ,god4 ,bless$ be ! h\rs ( ! bir?1 dea? & resurrection ( our ,"l1 ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,o my ,god1 ,i give !e my he>t1 grant me ! grace to pass ?is h\r1 & ! re/ ( ?is day 9 ?y holy love & )\t (f5d+ !e1 & "o ,hail1 ,m>y4 ,an h\r ea* week mu/ be sp5t 9 ! *apel 9 honor ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t4 ,f fifte5 to ?irty m9utes e ,friday ev5+ aft] ev5+ pray] = ! ex]cise call$ ! culp1 9 "s ord]s call$ *apt]4 ,?is ex]cise consi/s ( ea* si/] kneel+ be=e ! sup]ior1 & all ! o!r si/]s *>ges h] ) e mean1 contemptible1 petty wrong1 usually a brea* ( "s rule ( ! ord]1 :i* !y h rem>k$ 9 h] dur+ ! pa/ week4 ,!n ! culprit s *>g$ ackn[l$ges "s ( ^! faults1 adds a few m h]self1 &1 kiss+ ! floor1 asks a p5ance ( ! sup]ior4 ,! sup]ior has ! au?ority to impose any ( ! accu/om$ p5ances4 ,"o ,sunday ( ea* mon? is call$ retreat day1 :i* means additional pray] & devotion1 t ! si/] may be =tifi$ spiritually = ! next mon?4 ,dur+ ?is day !re are ?ree m$itations 9 addition to ! regul> daily r\t9e4 ,ea* si/] mu/ pres5t h]self to ! sup]ior to tell h] spiritual advancem5t & ! difficulties %e has _h 9 ! "w4 ,sometimes all ! si/]s d n h ! "t to appe> be=e ! sup]ior on ?is day1 b %e mu/ d s ! fir/ opportunity %e has dur+ ! week1 & !n x is g5]ally a reprim& = n be+ !re soon]4 ,?is retreat day is end$ ) a long ,te ,deum1 :i* means a canticle ( ?anksgiv+4 ,an explanation ( "s ( ! daily ex]cises w no d\bt be ( int]e/ to mo/ ( my read]s4 ,! morn+ meal is eat5 9 sil5ce1 except on ,fea/ days or unusual occasions4 ,dur+ ! noon & ev5+ meal "s si/] is appo9t$ to read1 g5]ally f ! ,lives ( ! ,sa9ts or ,roman ,m>tyrology1 n>rations v repulsive & revolt+ to nature4 ,9 ?is mann] we mortify ! s5ses4 ,if we wi% some?+ pass$ :ile we are eat+1 we make signs = x4 ,t5 m9utes is ab\t ! "t sp5t 9 consum+ ! g\t defy+ food suppli$ u4 ,!re is a di%-pan ) ab\t two qu>ts ( w>m wat] 9 x on ! table1 & ! fir/ si/] f9i%$ eat+ has ?is pan pass$ to h] & %e wa%es h] di%es1 dries !m & places !m 9 h] private draw] 9 ! table at h] place4 ,f six to t5 si/]s wa% _! own di%es 9 ?is same wat]1 & no diff]5ce if "s ( ^! si/]s are diseas$1 z ,i h se5 !m1 !y w\ld be wa/+ "t to make a *ange ( wat]1 & t w\ld be a brea* ( ! v[ ( pov]ty4 ,9 all my ?irty-"o ye>s ( conv5t life1 ,i nev] _h a *air ) a back to x m ?an a doz5 times 9 ! refectory 7z ! d9+-room is call$74 ,x 0 ei!r b5*es or /ools4 ,! foll[+ w %[ ! _s 9 :i* a si/] %\ld receive h] food1 giv5 at my spiritual in/ruction dur+ retreat3 ,,meals4 ,att5tion & devotion 9 say+ ! pray]s be=e & aft] meals1 eyes mode/ly ca/ d[n1 a deep s5se ( my own mis]y1 a pure int5tion 9 ?is animal ex]cise4 ,nev] to pick or *oose ( :at comes to table4 ,if any?+ is disagreeable1 to ?ank ,god = hav+ giv5 me an opportunity ( mortification4 ,accord+ to rule1 we are all[$ two h\rs' recreation ea* day1 :i*1 9 reality1 are ab\t ! busie/ two h\rs ( ! day4 ,oh1 no1 ,rome does n give h] si/]s any two h\rs' real recreation1 or re/1 dur+ h] long h\rs ( labor4 ,su* "w z prep>+ fruit = cann+ or vegetables = cook+1 fold+ clo!s t are (t5 v damp1 pick+ ov] unsanit>y gauze1 te>+ rags = c>pet1 pick+ ov] fea!rs f old pill[s1 & o!r undesirable "w is done dur+ ^! two h\rs2 & !n !y say ! si/]s h pl5ty ( recreation & re/4 ,at ?ree o'clock e aft]noon ! si/] mu/ repair to "s private place = pr(\nd pro/ration4 ,t is1 %e mu/ kneel & b5d =w>d & say3 ,jesus ,*ri/ became ob$i5t unto dea?1 ev5 unto ! dea? ( ! cross4 ,son ( ,god1 dy+ ^u ! cross = ! salvation ( s\ls1 we adore !e2 et]nal ,fa!r1 we (f] ,!e ?is1 ?y div9e ,son2 accept1 we besee* !e1 ,8 m]its 9 behalf ( ! suff]+ s\ls 9 purgatory1 = ! conv]sion ( all poor s9n]s1 & ( all 9 _! agony4 ,9 addition to ?is pray]1 %e mu/ say ! ,hail6 ,m>y & ! ,our ,fa!r ?ree times ea*1 or rema9 kneel+ ! "t x w\ld take to say !m & m$itate on ! pray] said4 ,!n1 ?is ex]cise is complet$ by kiss+ ! floor4 ,?ree times ea* day1 five m9utes is sp5t 9 exam9+ our consci5ce4 ,we write 9 a little book provid$ = t purpose1 our faults & imp]fections4 ,be=e go+ to confession we are suppos$ to look ov] ?is book & 9 ?is mann] we =get no?+ ! prie/ %\ld "k4 ,a bell call$ ! regulation bell calls u to ea* & e "o ( ^! holy ex]cises1 & no matt] :at ! si/] is do+ :5 ?is bell r+s1 ev5 if a pati5t is sorely 9 ne$ ( h] c>e1 %e mu/ /op & g to h] religi\s duties4 ,if %e is late to any ( !m1 x means puni%m5t1 ei!r by reprim& or p5ance1 or maybe bo?4 ,my read]s c draw _! own conclusions z to ! c>e a pati5t gets f a si/]-nurse1 :5 ^! religi\s duties comes be=e ! duties ( nurs+4 ,"o ( ! great inconv5i5ces & discom=ts ( a si/]-nurse is ! clo!s :i* %e is compell$ to we>4 ,! g>b :i* ,i wore = ?irty-"o ye>s weigh$ ab\t fifte5 p\nds1 & !re is no *ange ( weight 9 ?is holy habit = cold or w>m wea!r4 ,our petticoats & /ock+s are ! only g>m5ts t are *ang$ 9 weight = ! diff]5t temp]atures4 ,we are all[$ two g>bs at a "t1 b a si/] we>s "o ne>ly all ! "t until x is worn out4 ,all ! clean+ ^! g>bs get is a little bru%+ ) soap & wat]1 & :5 x gets discolor$1 x is dy$ to its orig9al color4 ,"o ( ^! g>bs ,i _h = twelve ye>s1 & :5 ,i disc>d$ x1 !re 0 only a small piece ( ! orig9al left4 ,?9k ( ! cleanl9ess & sanitation ( ^! poor girls1 we>+ su* clo!s1 p]spir+ ov] ! sick1 & f cook+ & do+ laundry "w1 & ev5 be+ "u ! rule ( ask+ p]mission to take a ba?4 ,ov] all ?is :5 we c>$ = ! sick1 we ti$ a l>ge :ite apron1 slipp$ on a pair ( :ite sleeves1 & !n ! pati5ts w\ld say1 ,h[ sanit>y ^! si/]s 74 ,poor1 delud$ public2 poor1 seclud$ girls2 !y are n to blame1 !y d ! v be/ !y c "u ! gag-rule ( ,rome4 ,is x any wond] to y t ! av]age si/] dies betwe5 ! ages ( tw5ty-"o & ?irty-five ye>s1 :5 !y are compell$ to live 9 ?is mann] & endure ! t]rible practices ,i h m5tion$ 9 ?is *apt]8 ,,*apt] ,,vi4 ,,h[ ,i ,,educat$ ,,myself4 ,i ,,become ,,sup]9t5d5t ,,( ,,! ,,?ird ,,floor ,,at ,,/4 ,,v9c5t',s4 ,9 ! ord] ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 ! rules re/rict ! memb]s to c]ta9 read+4 ,! books we 7 all[$ to read 7 ^? on ! ,roman ,ca?olic religi\s practices1 su* z ,*ri/ian ,p]fection by ! ,jesuit1 ,alphonsus ,rodriguez1 a set ( books on ,m$itation by ,/4 ,ignatius1 also a ,jesuit1 a book on ! ,conf]5ces ( ,/4 ,v9c5t de ,paul1 a pray] book1 a manual ( community pray]s1 & a book ( rule4 ,if a si/] %\ld wi% to read any o!r books1 outside ( a few l ^! ,i h nam$1 %e mu/ h p]mission f h] sup]ior1 ev5 to ! read+ ( ,! ,lives ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,! read+ ( secul>1 or pr(ane1 z x is call$1 books are nev] all[$ "u any conditions4 ,no magaz9es1 newspap]s or p]iodicals are !y ev] all[$ to read4 ,if !re happ5$ to be an article 9 "s religi\s magaz9e or pap] t x 0 decid$ to let ! si/]s read1 x 0 cut out & h&$ to !m1 h]eby hav+ p]mission to read x4 ,?9k ( ! t]rible d>kness ! poor girls are kept 91 ) no?+ to develop _! m5tal faculties1 no?+ to read except ! few *os5 books1 & :5 y h read "o y h read all1 & ?is ov] & ov] aga91 ye> 9 & ye> out4 ,:5 ,i came to ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,i _h be5 9 ! ord] ab\t twelve ye>s4 ,twelve ye>s ( almo/ sil5ce2 twelve ye>s ( ,lat9 pray]s2 twelve ye>s ( communion & confession2 twelve ye>s ( ,roman conv5t-slav]y2 twelve ye>s ( retrogression4 ,i f\nd myself almo/ lo/ z to h[ to talk intelligibly to ! doctors & pati5ts4 ,my vocabul>y 0 c]ta9ly v limit$4 ,i felt ! grave necessity ( do+ some?+ to aid me 9 my "w4 ,b h[8 ,t 0 ! great "q 9 my m9d = "s "t4 ,i _h be5 taught t ,god w\ld puni% me if ,i d>$ to read any?+ except :at ,i 0 all[$4 ,&1 believe me1 ev5 twelve ye>s' exp]i5ce 9 ! conv5t _h *ang$ my views ( ,romanism b v little1 if any4 ,f9ally1 "o day :ile on ! daily r\t9e1 a newspap] came to my notice1 & ,i d>$ to read j "o l9e4 ,i wait$ a day or two to see if ,god w\ld puni% me4 ,!n1 :5 no?+ extraord9>y happ5$1 ,i d>$ to read a few l9es m1 & ,i wait$ a few days aga9 to see :at ,god w\ld d4 ,at la/ ! opportunity came4 ,9 "o ( ! rooms ,i f\nd a book1 by ! "n ( ,at ! ,m]cy ( ,tib]ius4 ,i d>$ to read x1 & oh1 h[ ,i enjoy$ t novel4 ,x 0 ! fir/ book ( t nature1 pr(ane read+1 t ,i _h ev] read4 ,b tr\ble 0 brew+4 ,"s si/] _h se5 me read+1 & al?\gh %e did n "k exactly :at x 01 %e knew t x 0 n a religi\s book1 & %e report$ me to ! sup]ior4 ,:5 ! sup]ior ask$ me ab\t x1 ,i told h] ,i _h be5 read+ a book1 :]e x c\ld be f\nd & (f]$ to g & get x = h]4 ,b ,i _h h] bluff$ & %e told me to nev] m9d4 ,x took me ab\t six mon?s to read ?is fir/ book1 z ,i _h to /eal away & read = only a few m9utes at a "t4 ,:]e d y suppose ,i w5t to d ?is un-,roman1 un-,*ri/ian act ( endeavor+ to enlight5 my m9d8 ,9 d>k closets1 ba?-rooms1 & 9 fact any place ,i c\ld secret myself1 s ,i w\ld n be se5 by "s ( ! o!r si/]s4 ,= x w\ld mean a reprim& & v (t5 a p5ance1 & ! si/] ?us *>g$ ) hav+ brok5 ?is po9t ( ! holy rules1 is held "u suspicion4 ,= "s "t aft] ?is x 0 a problem to my m9d z to h[ ,i 0 to obta9 o!r read+4 ,9 "t ,i made fri5ds among ^? :o came to ! hospital1 & v (t5 ^! good p1 mo/ly ,prote/ant or non-,ca?olic1 w\ld pres5t me ) "s little tok51 %[+ _! appreciation ( ! k9dness %[n !m1 z is done to mo/ si/]s4 ,in/ead ( accept+ money or o!r gifts1 :i* by rule _h to be turn$ ov] to ! sup]ior1 ,i w\ld ask !m to give me "s book1 g5]ally leav+ ! nature ( x to _! discretion1 if ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld tru/ !m4 ,!n ,i w\ld w>n !m to be v c>eful :5 !y gave x to me t no si/] saw !m d s1 z x w\ld mean tr\ble = me4 ,9 ?is mann] ,i receiv$ mu* good read+1 books t 7 v in/ructive4 ,:5 a book 0 too l>ge to c>ry ar\nd 9 my big pockets1 ,i w\ld cut or te> (f a piece ( x1 & ?r[ ! rema9+ portion on "s old1 du/y cupbo>d 9 ! attic1 until ,i _h read ! piece torn (f1 !n get a small ladd] or box & te> (f ano!r piece1 & s on until ,i _h f9i%$ read+ ! entire book4 ,"o good fri5d gave me a small diction>y1 :i* 0 a great help to me4 ,ano!r gave me a book ( ^w /udy1 :i* ,i cov]$ ) a pray]-book cov] & /udi$ 9 *apel4 ,?is 0 a case ( ,johnny ,morgan wasn't "h4 ,by /eal+1 ?iev+ & ly+1 s to speak1 9 ?is mann] ,i read & /udi$ = a great _m ye>s1 & ,i cr$it my f9al escape f d>kness & ignorance l>gely to ! fact t ,i _h indep5d5ce en\gh to read & fri5ds k9d en\gh to give me ^! books4 ,dur+ ! summ] ( #ahii1 ,i 0 appo9t$ to ! sup]9t5d5cy ( ! ?ird floor ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,9 ?is position1 :i* ,i held = twelve ye>s1 ,i f\nd a few m m9utes occasionally to read1 & to ex]cise ! little indep5d5ce ,i possess$4 ,! result1 ! m ,i read1 ! m indep5d5t ,i became1 & ?is 0 "o ( ! grave *>ges br\ght aga9/ me :5 ,i 0 at la/ transf]r$1 or1 ,i might say1 dragg$ f ,portl&4 ,"o ( ! great responsibilities ( ! (fice ( sup]9t5d5t 0 ! c>+ ( ! prie/'s ap>tm5t :i* 0 on my floor4 ,!re 0 ! *apla9 ( ! hospital :o resid$ 9 ?is ap>tm5t1 & he ne>ly always _h f "o to f\r waf] ,god manufactur]s visit+ him1 & y may be sure x 0 n a small c>e to see t ^! g5tlem5 _h ev]y?+ ( ! be/1 pr9cipally 9 ! d9+-room4 ,i always _h to take p>ticul> c>e to see t !re 0 pl5ty ( cream = _! tables :5 possibly "s ( ! pati5ts _h to d )\t or take skimm$ milk1 & _m times ! ov] supply w\ld s\r be=e x c\ld be us$4 ,i j m5tion cream1 b x 0 ! same ab\t _m o!r ?+s1 x 0 always ! v be/ ( ev]y?+ obta9able--cig>s & liquors includ$4 ,yes1 ,i h c>ri$ _m bottles ( w9e to ^! prie/s1 z well z c>ry+ baskets ( empty bottles d[n ! back /airs1 t _h be5 empti$ by ^! holy celibate m5 ( ,god4 ,a l>ge refrig]ator 0 kept especially = ?is ap>tm5t ) a l>ge padlock on ! door4 ,x might h contam9at$ ^! holy m5 ( ,god if _! food _h happ5$ to h be5 mix$ ) t ( a wick$ secul>1 y "k4 ,illu/ration3 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,:]e ,i ,s]v$ ,eighte5 ,ye>s ( ,my ,si/]hood ,life4 ,ano!r v int]e/+ feature ( ?is new (fice 0 ! c>e ,i _h to give sick prie/s4 ,!re 0 ne>ly always "s prie/ occupy+ a private room on my floor1 sometimes sick1 z !y are only human & susceptible to ! same ills z o!rs1 b _m times on sick leave1 9 o!r words1 j pla9 drunk4 ,_m times !y w\ld /ay ) u a mon? at a "t1 & once ,i rememb]1 "o made a nice long /ay ( a ye>1 or m1 b he 0 n drunk4 ,i _h to help ^! g5tlem5 _m times1 :5 !y 7 mu* m able to help !mselves ?an ,i 04 ,b ,i 0 a woman1 a sp\se ( ,*ri/1 & ^! s-call$ m5 7 ! repres5tatives ( ,*ri/1 & t made ! diff]5ce4 ,soon aft] ,i _h receiv$ ! appo9tm5t ( (fic] ( ! ?ird floor !re 7 _m compla9ts f ! pati5ts & physicians ab\t ! food & ! mann] 9 :i* x 0 prep>$4 ,s x 0 decid$ t "s ( ! si/]s %\ld g to a cook+ s*ool :i* 0 be+ conduct$ by a woman by ! "n ( ,miss ,port]1 9 ! ,exposition ,build+1 ,n9ete5? & ,wa%+ton ,/reets4 ,i happ5$ to be "o ( ! *os5 numb]1 & we took a s]ies ( twelve lessons1 pr9cipally on prep>+ da9ty di%es su* z c\ld be us$ = ! sick4 ,aft] ,i _h complet$ ?is c\rse1 ,i 0 appo9t$ to tea* cook+ to ! nurses 9 ! tra9+ s*ool & ! "y si/]s 9 addition to my o!r duties4 ,i conduct$ ?is class f two to ?ree-?irty 9 ! aft]noon4 ,our rules prescribe t ! h\r f two to ?ree be obs]v$ by pr(\nd sil5ce1 & also t no si/] %all p>take ( any food outside ( ! d9+-room )\t special p]mission f ! sup]ior4 ,dur+ ! tea*+ ( ?is class on cook+1 ,i 0 compell$ to talk to ! si/]s1 & x 0 also q necess>y t !y %\ld talk to me1 9 ord] t !y c\ld get ! prop] in/ruction4 ,:5 !y w\ld cook "s di% ,i w\ld reque/ !m to ta/e x1 t !y might judge = !mselves z to ! season+4 ,^! 7 s]i\s breaks ( ! rules1 & x caus$ tr\ble = me aft] ,i _h be5 in/ruct+ ! class ab\t six weeks4 ,my "y si/] pupils plott$ ) ! sup]ior to cause my removal1 & wrote to ! ,"m ,prov9cial1 ,si/] ,m>y ,!resa1 :o 0 at t "t 9 ,oakl&1 ,cali=nia1 in/itut+ a new h\se ( ! ord]4 ,si/] ,m>y ,!resa did n write to me ab\t ! matt]1 b took x up ) my sup]ior1 :o came to me & said t !re 0 s mu* compla9t ab\t me caus+ ! si/]s to break ! rule t %e w\ld h to *ange me4 ,%e 0 go+ to take ! sup]9t5d5cy ( ! ?ird floor away f me & s5d me to ! basem5t to ! fruit cann]y to tea* cook+4 ,i told h] t ,i c\ld n d t4 ,i _h le>n$ h[ to cook because %e _h want$ me to1 & t if ,i 0 go+ to tea* x1 ,i 0 go+ to tea* x "r2 & if %e w\ld delegate "s o!r si/]1 ,i w\ld tea* h] all ,i knew ab\t cook+ & ,i w\ld be ?r\gh ) x4 ,b %e did n want me to d t1 %e want$ me to keep ! class4 ,i _h done ! v be/ ,i c\ld ) ! class1 & all ?is tr\ble 0 caus$1 n because ,i 0 unsuccessful1 b because ! si/]s broke "s ( ! rules ( ! ord]1 :i* c\ld n be avoid$ if !y wi%$ to le>n4 ,! action ( ! sup]ior _h caus$ me mu* di/ress1 bo? ( he>t & m9d1 & ) ! assi/ance ( two /ew>ds ( my floor1 ,i plac$ all ! cook+ ut5sils & supplies ( ! s*ool 9 a l>ge box & s5t x to ! sup]ior's room4 ,= weeks %e tri$ to prevail ^u me to take ! s*ool back1 b ,i refus$ to h any?+ m to d ) x4 ,?is in/ance may n be v int]e/+ to my read]s1 b ,i relate x to %[ h[ little petty happ5+s cause s v mu* tr\ble1 & v (t5 s]i\s tr\ble = ! poor girls 9 ^! in/itutions4 ,!re are _m m in/ances ( ?is nature ,i c\ld relate1 b ,i d n c>e to burd5 y ) !m4 ,my action 9 ?is little matt] caus$ me to be look$ ^u ) great suspicion & a c]ta9 am\nt ( contempt f ! o!r si/]s4 ,x 0 ?is sort ( treatm5t t caus$ me to write notes ( ! cruelties ,i1 ) o!r si/]s1 _h to endure4 ,i expect$ to give ^! notes to "s tru/-wor?y fri5d to read aft] my dea?1 b = "s unkn[n reason ,i kept !m & h !m at ! pres5t "t4 ,ab\t ?is "t1 also1 ,i _h a class ( ab\t tw5ty "y si/]s to :om ,i taught :at nurs+ ,i _h acquir$1 pr9cipally f exp]i5ce4 ,?is 0 soon ab&on$1 = ! reason t x int]f]$ ) ev5+ pray] & retirem5t at n9e o'clock1 ! only "t t c\ld be f\nd dur+ ! day to hold ! class4 ,( all ! sup]/iti\s & pagan practices t en=ces ! v[ ( ob$i5ce1 is ! traditional ex]cise ( p5ances or p5alties4 ,! mo/ inhuman1 unju/1 humiliat+ & v (t5 tortur+ puni%m5ts are impos$ ^u ! si/]s = break+ any ( ! _m *ildi% rules--rules t j z really & truly b9d ! poor victim z ?\gh %e 0 a crim9al 9 ! p5it5ti>y4 ,a si/] is only human4 ,! holy black g>b %e we>s does n *ange h]4 ,%e is subject to ! same sorr[s1 ! same joys1 ! same love1 ! same hate1 ! same humility1 ! same pa9 z y4 ,b "h 9 ^! helli%1 s\l-de/roy+ in/itutions1 wall$ high to keep ! ,prote/ants out1 !y say1 !re is a sy/em 9 vogue t holds wom5 9 s]vitude--yes1 slav]y--& = fail+ to he$ ! voice ( ,god1 :i* is ! voice ( ! prie/1 or sup]ior1 or ! toll ( ! religi\s bell1 or ! obs]vance ( ! book ( rule1 !re is a p5alty impos$1 p5alties su* z w torture or humiliate ! poor subject4 ,"s ( ! tortur+ p5ances are ! we>+ ( ! armlet--a *a9 ) little prongs on x to prick ! fle%2 ! sc\rg+ ( ! b>e body ) ! discipl9e or cat-o'-n9e-tails--con/ruct$ ( heavy1 knott$ cord2 kneel+ & pray+ ) arms ext5d$ 9 ! %ape ( a cross2 & ! we>+ ( ! *a/ity cord--con/ruct$ ( heavy1 knott$ cord4 ,?is practice ties up our virtues & keeps u *a/e & pure4 ,"s ( ! humiliat+ p5ances are ! kiss+ ( ! floor _m times a day1 kiss+ ! feet ( our companions1 fa/+1 sil5ce1 eat+ (f ! floor1 & _m o!r little1 petty practices & self-d5ials too num]\s to m5tion4 ,?9k ( x1 a sy/em "h 9 free1 ,prote/ant ,am]ica1 9 ?is day ( advanc$ civilization1 hold+ wom5 9 subjection & dem&+ practices ( ?is nature6 ,to illu/rate ! tea*+ ( ?is sy/em 9 reg>d to p5ances1 ,i wi% to quote f ,/4 ,rita's ,pray] ,book1 compil$ by ,rev4 ,*as4 ,f]9a1 ,d4,d41 & ?is publication has ! imprimatur cross ( ,john ,m4 ,f>ley1 !n ,ar*bi%op elect ( ,new ,york4 ,on pages #ce-cf3 ,%e 7,/4 ,rita7 r5\nc$ h] prop]ty 9 favor ( ! poor1 r5\nc$ e e>?ly tie to devote h]self entirely to au/]e p5ance4 ,%e pr(ess$ to h no compassion = h] body4 ,%e sc\rg$ h]self ?rice e day1 ! fir/ "t be+ ! longe/ & ! in/rum5t compos$ ( little iron *a9s4 ,vigils1 hair-%irt1 ! discipl9e1 & rigid fa/s 7 ! arms us$ to afflict h] body1 kn[+ t p5ance is ! only means ( expiation & salvation = fall5 man1 al?\gh our mat]ial age w\ld utt]ly ignore x4 ,9 *ang+ h] co/ume ,rita _h no ne$ to *ange h] habits1 =1 z we h se51 z a girl1 a wife & wid[1 %e _h ev] l$ a /a9less life4 ,h] aim n[ 0 to atta9 ! height ( p]fection4 ,b amid/ h] p5ances1 %e _h ! sweete/ consolations2 & dur+ h] l5g?y pray]s1 h] f]v5t colloquies ) ,god1 h] daily & nightly m$itations on ! passions ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 rapt 9 h] ,creator1 h] s\l totally absorb$ 9 ,him & almo/ deta*$ f h] body1 exp]i5c$ heav5ly delights4 ,,*apt] ,,vii4 ,,sacram5t ,,( ,,p5ance--,,mass ,,& ,,communion--,,extreme ,,unction--,,indulg5ces--,,annual ,,retreat4 ,i h previ\sly m5tion$ t ,i 0 compell$ by rule to g to confession e eight days4 ,i wi% to comm5t on ?is ,sacram5t ( ,p5ance1 z confession is call$1 & "s ( ! o!r practices & c]emonies ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion4 ,( all ! practices t holds adh]5ts to ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 ! tell+ ( ! _m faults to ! s-call$ m$iator betwe5 ,god & man--! prie/--/&s p>am\nt4 ,:y n8 ,roman ,ca?olics are rais$ to ?9k & believe t by confess+ _! s9s to ! man repres5tative ( ,*ri/ 9 ! confessional & receiv+ absolution1 ,god has also =giv5 !m4 ,god's ,^w says 9 #a/ ,timo?y1 second *apt]1 fif? v]se1 ,= !re is "o ,god1 & "o m$iator betwe5 ,god & man1 ! man ,*ri/ ,jesus4 ,n any repres5tative ( ,*ri/1 b ,*ri/ ,himself4 ,! confessional box is a trap = ! conv5t1 & aft] ! poor girls are once !re !y are %ackl$ m ?an ev] 9 ! fai? ( ! religion by ! prie/ 9 ! confessional4 ,! girls ab&on !mselves1 body1 he>t & s\l1 to ! in/ructions & directions ( ?is ung5tlemanly man--= no true g5tleman w\ld ev] ask ! dirty1 fil?y1 indec5t que/ions 9 public or private t ^! m5 ask _m ( ! girls & wom5 9 ?is s-call$ holy private place1 ! confessional--?is man1 :om we1 z si/]s & ,roman ,ca?olics look to z ! m$iator betwe5 u & ,god1 (t5 9 ! =m ( a drunk5 man4 ,yes1 ,i h kn[n n a few1 & h wait$ on !m 9 my "w at ! hospital = a great _m ye>s1 & ,i _c call to my m9d "o ( ^! holy m5 ( ,god :o did n p>take ( ! be/ liquors obta9able1 & ,i h _h to protect m ?an "o f ! p !re s !re w\ld be no sc&al4 ,!n to ^! liquor-soak$ prie/s ,i 0 =c$ to turn & kneel to confess my s9s1 to lay b>e ! inn]mo/ ?\ghts ( my s\l & mo/ s5sitive feel+s ( ! he>t & !n submit to ! mo/ humiliat+1 %ameful que/ions--s %ameful & degrad+ t ,i am n p]mitt$ to pr9t !m or to repeat !m4 ,! prie/ is ! si/]'s only confid5t--%e mu/ talk to him on subjects t %e w\ld n tell h] "m4 ,he is to h] :at ,*ri/ w\ld be if ,he w\ld come f ,heav5 & sit !re ) h]4 ,he is h] ju/ifi]1 z %e is absolutely 9 8 wily me%es & victimiz$ 9 8 helli% p[]--= no?+ less ?an hell on e>? is ! confessional to si/]s4 ,x is ! de/roy] ( womanly purity1 womanly ref9em5t--de/roy+ ! high] in/9cts & ennobl+ qualities4 ,a si/] does n talk 9 ! confessional ( :at is be/ & noble/ 9 h]1 b is rack+ h] bra9 all week prep>+ & ga!r+ ev]y?+ t is mean1 l[1 degrad+1 contemptible--digg+ up secret ?+s to tell & talk ab\t to ! prie/4 ,! ?\ght ( hav+ to /oop & grovel s l[ & worm-l is sick5+1 n only s\l sick5+1 b (t5 agoniz+ physically to ! extreme1 9 ! act ( eject+ & gett+ rid ( a va/ am\nt ( mu* imag9>y wrong & scruples4 ,x keeps ! m9d poison$ & enslav$ 9 ! p[]s ( d>kness1 busily endeavor+ to become sanctifi$ on ! mi/ak5 road ( pagan degradation1 dispair & hell4 ,a =m ( beg9n+ & f9i%+ confession4 ,?is is precisely ! same =m ,i us$ all my life 9 ! *ur* ( ,rome1 b ,i w copy f ,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 translat$ f ! ,g]man by a ,fa!r ( ! ,society ( ,jesus1 ( ! ,prov9ce ( ,miss\ri1 publi%$ by ,b5zig] ,bro!rs1 ,pr9t]s to ! ,holy ,apo/olic ,see1 & ) ! ,imprimatur ( ,john ,c>d4 ,mc,closkey1 !n ,ar*bi%op ( ,new ,york4 ,page #aaj1 "q #ee3 ,h[ d y beg9 ,confession8 ,hav+ knelt d[n1 ,i make ! sign ( ! cross & say3 ',bless me1 ,fa!r1 = ,i h s9n$4 ,i confess to ,almighty ,god1 & to y1 ,fa!r1 9 ,8 /ead1 t s9ce my la/ confession1 :i* 0 444 ,i h committ$ ! foll[+ s9s4' 7,"h ,i confess my s9s47 ,"q #ef4 ,h[ d y conclude y\r confession8 ,i conclude by say+1 ',= ^! & all my o!r 7,p4 ,,iii7 s9s :i* ,i _c at pres5t call to m9d1 & also = ! s9s ( my pa/ life1 especially = 444 ,i am he>tily sorry4 ,i mo/ humbly ask p>don ( ,god1 & p5ance & absolution ( y1 my ,gho/ly ,fa!r4' ,"q #eg4 ,:at mu/ y d !n8 ,i mu/ li/5 ) att5tion to ! advice :i* my ,confessor may ?9k prop] to give me1 & to ! ,p5ance he enjo9s2 & :il/ he gives me absolution ,i mu/ excite my he>t to true sorr[4 ,n[1 if ! prie/ is good & k9d en\gh to say ! magic words1 ,i absolve !1 etc4 & absolve ! p5it5t1 he is j z pure & free f s91 accord+ to ! ,roman ,ca?olic belief1 z if he _h submitt$ to baptism1 & he c g & s9 aga91 s long z he w return to ! prie/ = absolution4 ,j]emiah ,j4 ,cr[ley1 9 8 book1 ',romanism--,a ,m5ace to ! ,nation1' tells ( ! moral !ology :i* ! prie/s h to /udy to become prie/s1 & :i* ,i ?9k w int]e/ my read]s4 ,mr4 ,cr[ley 0 a prie/ 9 ! *ur* ( ,rome = tw5ty ye>s4 ,page #gd4 ,moral ,!ology ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 pr9t$ 9 ,lat91 a dead language1 conta9+ in/ructions = auricul> confession1 is s vici\sly obsc5e t x c\ld n be transmitt$ ?r\gh ! mails 7 x pr9t$ 9 a liv+ language2 nei!r w\ld prie/s & bi%ops d>e to prop\nd said obsc5e matt] 9 ! =m ( que/ions to female p5it5ts if _! fa!rs1 husb&s & bro!rs 7 cognizant ( ! satanic evils lurk+ !re92 9 fact1 !y w\ld cause ! suppression ( auricul> confession by p5al enactm5t4 99 99 99 ,confessors se>* ! secrets ( ! home1 & s are wor%ip$ !re1 & fe>$ = :at !y "k4 7,page #gf47 ,if x is ! purpose ( /ate or gov]nm5t to prev5t crime & eradicate its causes1 ! :ole ( ?is diabolical sy/em call$ ! ,confessional1 :i* is kn[n to worm out ! secrets ( families1 ! weaknesses ( public m51 & !reby get !m "u control--to ei!r sil5ce !m or make !m active ag5ts 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic cause--above all1 ! debau*+ ( maids & matrons by means ( vile int]rogatories prescrib$ by ,liguori1 & sanction$ by ! ,*ur*--%\ld be abrogat$ by a national law 9 e civiliz$ c\ntry on ! globe4 ,:ile ,i 0 a novice1 ! ,ma/] ( ,novices 9 8 religi\s in/ructions to ! novices1 told u t ! wor/ ,ca?olic /ood a bett] *ance ( sav+ 8 s\l ?an ! be/ ,prote/ant1 because ! ,ca?olic1 no matt] h[ _m or griev\s ! s9s he might commit1 c\ld confess !m to ! prie/ & be =giv52 :ile ! ,prote/ant1 ?\gh he might be a v good man1 _h no prie/ to confess 8 s9s to1 & _c be =giv54 ,!re=e1 he dies 9 s91 z e man is s9ful1 & is lo/1 = ! ,scripture says1 ,no?+ defil$ c ent] ,heav54 ,?ree ?+s are necess>y = absolution--contrition1 confession & p5ance4 ,( c\rse1 ! prie/ pron\nces ! words ( absolution be=e ! p5ance is p]=m$1 b ! remission ( ! s9s confess$ is n complete until ! p5ance is p]=m$4 ,e s9 mu/ be confess$ to ! prie/1 ! mo/ secret & griev\s1 or !re c be no remission1 accord+ to ! ,roman ,ca?olic tea*+4 ,) ^! tea*+s & ?is papal practice ( confession y c readily und]/& h[ ?is "o sacram5t ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 m ?an any o!r b9ds ! p to x4 ,let me say z ,mr4 ,cr[ley said to ! ,am]ican bro!rs1 husb&s & fa!rs :o h si/]s1 wives & daught]s be+ entrapp$ 9 ?is t]ror ( all t]rors1 ! confessional--get educat$ on ?is subject4 ,& let me say t :5 y d1 if !re is any manhood 9 y1 ! confessional 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* w cease4 ,mass is ! p]petual sacrifice ( ! ,new ,law1 9 :i* ,*ri/ (f]s ,himself 9 an unbloody mann]1 z ,he once (f]$ ,himself 9 a bloody mann] on ! ,cross4 7,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 page #ih47 ,to he> mass1 we are witness+ 9 a sort ( mummyfi$ mann]1 a %[ at ! alt>1 :i* is light$ ) c&les1 decorat$ ) fl[]s1 co/ly images ( ! ,bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y & ,sa9ts1 holy pictures1 relics ( ! sa9ts1 gold or silv] ciboriums & o/5soriums1 & _m o!r articles ( alt> & sanctu>y use too _m to enum]ate4 ,dur+ ?is or o!r c]emonies1 ! prie/ is dress$ 9 a long ori5tal robe cov]$ ) a kimona-/yle surplice--:i* is (t5 ne>ly all co/ly lace--*asuble1 cope1 maniple1 /ole1 mitre1 & o!r gaudy-color$1 gold-fr+$1 embroid]$ pieces ( app>el4 ,! mass mu/ be recit$ 9 ,lat94 ,! prie/ at ! alt> ) 8 back to ! congregation1 recites ,lat9 pray]s = f "o-half to ?ree-qu>t]s ( an h\r4 ,dur+ ^! pray]s ! act ( transub/antiation takes place4 ,t is1 ! *ang+ ( ! w9e & bread into ! actual body1 s\l & div9ity ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,t is ! actual belief ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic adh]5ts1 z 9 ! cre$ ( ,pope ,pius ,v1 x says1 ,i pr(ess1 likewise1 t 9 ! ,mass !re is (f]$ to ,god a true1 prop] & propitiat>y sacrifice = ! liv+ & ! dead2 & t 9 ! mo/ holy sacram5t ( ! ,eu*>i/ !re is truly1 really1 & sub/antially ! ,body & ,blood1 toge!r ) ! s\l & div9ity ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/2 & t !re is made a conv]sion ( ! :ole sub/ance ( ! bread into ! ,body1 & ( ! :ole sub/ance ( ! w9e into ! ,blood2 :i* conv]sion ! ,ca?olic ,*ur* calle? ,transub/antiation4 ,i also confess t "u ei!r k9d alone ,*ri/ is receiv$ :ole & entire1 & a true sacram5t4 7,*amb]'s ,ency41 ,colli] #ahij1 "u ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*47 ,to receive communion1 ! si/]s 9 ! conv5ts :]e ,i h be51 m>*$ to ! alt> by twos1 knelt & receiv$ ! body ( ,*ri/1 b nev] ! blood4 ,no "o is all[$ any ( ! w9e1 or blood1 except ! prie/ or sub/itute ,*ri/4 ,if1 dur+ ?is c]emony1 a crumb ( ! body ( ,*ri/ %\ld happ5 to drop on ! communion clo?1 t spot mu/ be m>k$1 & aft] ! c]emony is complet$1 ! prie/ spr9kles "s holy wat] on ! spot1 says a few ,lat9 words1 makes a few signs ) 8 holy h&s1 !n x is purifi$1 & :atev] is us$ 9 ?is purification is burn$1 or sometimes wa%$4 ,! ,corporal1 :i* is a piece ( l95 us$ = h&l+ ! body & blood ( ,*ri/ 9 ! mass1 mu/ always be wa%$ or r9s$ by ! prie/ be=e x goes to ! laundry1 because ! si/]s :o d ! "w 9 ! laundries h n holy h&s1 & ! prie/'s f+]s h be5 consecrat$ & are !re=e holy4 ,9 speak+ on transub/antiation1 ,william ,ca?c>t1 9 8 book1 ,! ,papal ,sy/em1 says 7pages #agj-aga71 ,! prie/s scorn ! idea t !re c\ld be any figure 9 ! decl>ation3 ',?is is my body1' b :5 ,paul says3 ',= z (t5 z y %all eat & dr9k ! *alice1' !y mu/ grant t x is n ! *alice b its cont5ts t are to be drunk4 ,if x is n a figurative expression1 ! prie/s ( ,rome %\ld swall[ ! cup z well z ! cont5ts4 ,! words1 ',i am ! v9e1 ,i am ! door1' are lit]al if ! expression is n figurative1 ',?is is my body4' ,no community w\ld suff] m ?an ! ,ca?olic ,*ur* f a non-figurative int]pretation ( e scripture ^w4 ,9 ! ,ca?olic ,new ,te/am5t1 ,matt4 xvi4 #bb1 #bc1 x is said3 ',& ,pet] tak+ him began to rebuke him1 say+3 ',"l1 be x f> f !e1 ?is %all n be unto !e'2 :o turn+ said to ,pet]3 ',,g ,,beh9d ,,me1 ,,satan1 ,,?\ ,,art ,a ,,sc&al ,,unto ,,me1 because ?\ sav\re/ n ! ?+s t are ( ,god1 b ! ?+s t are ( m54' ,if ! words1 ',?is is my body1' mu/ be tak5 lit]ally1 we w\ld mildly insi/ t ,*ri/'s address to ,pet] %all be tak5 lit]ally too :5 ,he said to him3 ',g beh9d me1 ,satan1 ?\ art a sc&al unto me4' ,accord+ to t int]pretation1 ,pet] is ! *ief ( devils1 & ! ,*ur* ( ,rome1 built on ,simon1 is f\nd$ on ,beelzebub himself4 ,a lit]al int]pretation ( ! words1 ',?is is my body1' leads to sacr$ cannibalism2 & ( ! say+ 9 ,matt4 xvi4 #bb1 #bc1 makes ,pet] ! devil1 & ,lucif] ! f\ndation ( ! ,papal ,*ur*4 ,a figurative view ( bo? passages is ! true "o4 ,extreme ,unction is a ,sacram5t1 9 :i* by ! anno9t+ ) holy oil & by ! pray]s ( ! prie/1 ! sick receive ! grace ( ,god1 = ! good ( _! s\ls1 & (t5 also ( _! bodies4 7,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 ,page #aad47 ,extreme ,unction is commonly kn[n z ! ,la/ ,sacram5t ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*4 ,x is adm9i/]$ only :5 !re is dang] ( dea?4 ,i (t5 _h to prep>e ! dy+ = ?is sacram5t4 ,! articles us$ 7 a crucifix1 holy wat]1 light$ c&les1 a piece ( bread1 & five wads ( absorb+ cotton4 ,! prie/ w\ld come1 unwrap 8 silk bag conta9+ ! holy oil 7*rism71 dip ! cotton 9 ! holy oil & apply to ! p>ts ( ! body :]e ! five s5ses are locat$--! =ehead1 to cleanse ! m9d ( ! s9s ( ?\ght2 ! eyes1 = ! s9s committ$ by ! sight2 ! m\?1 = ! s9s ( spee*2 ! e>s1 = ! s9s ( he>+2 & ! h&s & feet1 = ! s9s ( feel+4 ,! la/ memb]s ( ! poor suff]+1 ,i (t5 _h a difficult "t to get h&y = ! prie/ to apply 8 *rism1 p>ticul>ily 9 p>alysis or accid5t cases4 ,dur+ all ! c]emony ! prie/ is recit+ ,lat9 pray]s4 ,! piece ( bread is = ! prie/ to cleanse 8 f+]s aft] ! c]emony4 ,x mu/ be de/roy$1 toge!r ) ! cotton us$1 by fire s t no p>ticle ( ! holy oil w be desecrat$4 ,?is sacram5t is suppos$ to help ! s\l ( ! p]son receiv+ x to heav51 b x does n keep him f ! torm5ts ( purgatory4 ,be=e a p]son is entitl$ or c accept ?is sacram5t he mu/ be baptiz$ 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*4 ,! si/]s 9 ! hospital mu/ d all 9 _! p[] to conv]t ,prote/ants to ! ,roman ,ca?olic fai? be=e dea?4 ,i 0 in/ruct$ t ,i 0 n a secul> nurse1 b a religi\s & ,si/] ( ,*>ity1 & z su* x 0 my duty to conv]t all ,prote/ants & non-,ca?olics possible4 ,i rememb] "o v int]e/+ case ( ?is k9d t happ5$ soon aft] ,i w5t to ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,my (fic]1 ,si/] ,m>y ,bonsec\rs1 reque/$ me to g ) h] to a room occupi$ by a ,me?odi/ lady :o 0 dy+1 & %e w\ld %[ me h[ to make conv]ts4 ,9 address+ ! lady1 among o!r ?+s1 %e said t ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* 0 ! only true *ur*4 ,all :o 7 n baptiz$ 9 x w\ld n be sav$ & w\ld surely nev] see ,god4 ,! lady simply rem>k$ t %e 0 satisfi$ ) h] religion4 ,ab\t ! ?ird "t ,i accompani$ ! si/] to ! lady's room1 %e 0 pass+ into ! la/ agony1 & ! si/] lean$ ov] h] & %\t$ into h] e> t h] s\l 0 go+ to hell =ev] = n be+ a ,roman ,ca?olic4 ,t is ! mann] 9 :i* _m ( ! si/]s endeavor to obta9 ! pati5t's cons5t = baptism into ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 & if !y are yet rational1 !y are entitl$ to ! la/ sacram5t1 ,extreme ,unction4 ,a v conv5i5t practice = ! ,roman ,ca?olic adh]5ts is t ( ga9+ ,indulg5ces4 ,an ,indulg5ce is a remission ( ! temporal puni%m5t due to our s9s1 :i* ! *ur* grants outside ( ! ,sacram5t ( ,p5ance4 7,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 ,page #aab47 ,c ,indulg5ces be appli$ also to ! ,s\ls 9 ,purgatory8 ,yes1 all ^? :i* ! ,pope has decl>$ to be applicable to !m4 7,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 ,page #aac47 ,temporal puni%m5t due to our s9s is t :i* we h to suff] "h on e>? or 9 purgatory4 ,?is includes ! p5ance impos$ ^u ! p5it5t by ! prie/ aft] confession4 ,if ! p5it5t is truly contrite = 8 crime1 ! prie/ has ! privilege to relax ! p5ance & grant indulg5ce1 t is1 he _c be grant$ indulg5ce unless he is 9 a /ate ( grace1 :i* is aft] hav+ confess$ & hav+ be5 absolv$1 & fulfill$ ! requirem5ts ( ! absolution4 ,"o ( ! means ( ga9+ indulg5ces = ! si/]s 0 ! say+ ( %ort pray]s1 = ea* "o said1 s _m days indulg5ce be+ ga9$4 ,= in/ance1 = say+3 ,my ,jesus1 m]cy6 ,m>y1 help6 #bjj days' indulg5ce4 ,sweet ,he>t ( ,jesus1 be my love4 #cjj days' indulg5ce4 ,sweet ,he>t ( ,m>y1 be my salvation4 #cjj days' indulg5ce4 ,if we %\ld h "s fri5d or relative dead :om we ?\ght 0 9 purgatory1 we c\ld (f] ^! pray]s1 ) _m o!rs1 = !m & 9 t mann] %ort5 _! days ( torm5t 9 t middle region1 z well z %ort5 our own suff]+s !re4 ,once ea* ye> e si/] is requir$ to sp5d eight days 9 :at is call$ annual retreat4 ,t is1 eight days' religi\s ex]cises & spiritual in/ructions by a prie/--g5]ally a ,jesuit prie/ 9 ! ord] ,i 0 a memb] (--conf]5ces1 ! p]=mance ( p5ances1 etc4 ,! prie/ gives five spiritual in/ructions ea* day ( ?is retreat1 ea* "o la/+ ab\t an h\r4 ,we mu/ keep absolute sil5ce dur+ ^! eight days1 except to speak to ! ,"m ,prov9cial on our %ortcom+s & to ! prie/ 9 confession4 ,at ?is confession ! poor si/] is suppos$ to tell all ! wrongs & s9s committ$ dur+ ! pa/ ye>1 & h\rs are sp5t 9 prep>+ & wait+1 kneel+ outside ! confessional box1 cr\*+ 9 fe> & trembl+1 hop+ & pray+ t %e may escape "s ( ! indignities ( ?is t]rible ex]cise4 ,at ^! retreats ! si/]s 7 all[$ to take notes ( ! spiritual in/ructions1 & ,i w copy f "s ( ! notes ,i took4 ,^! in/ructions 7 giv5 by ,fa!r ,mc,guckin at ! ,"m ,h\se at ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton1 on ! subject ( ,pov]ty4 ,x is n accord+ to ! _s ( pov]ty if we ?9k we mu/ require a rem$y = e little a*e or suff]+ or pa94 ,we mu/ be> ^? ?+s ) ,*ri/ian =titude )\t a rem$y or alleviation4 ,we mu/ n make a sup]flu\s use ( ?+s1 ev5 ( ?+s we are all[$ to h = our use ( necessity4 ,if we h ?+s t we are atta*$ to1 we %\ld take !m to ! sup]ior1 ev5 if %e %\ld make u take !m back1 !n we h made ! sacrifice1 & ,god accepts ! w = ! de$4 ,:y deprive ourselves ( t m]it8 ,!re is no?+ small 9 reg>d to pov]ty1 ev5 to a piece ( ?read4 ,we _c be too scrupul\s 9 deta*+ ourselves f ! _w & ourselves4 ,! ?+s ( ! community d n belong to u & we h no "r to any?+ at all nor to dispose ( any?+--ev]y?+ belongs to ,god & %\ld be us$ z su* & tak5 c>e ( j ! same z ! sacr$ ve/m5ts4 ,we h no "r to make any agreem5ts ) any p]son 9 ! _w1 :]e we1 p]sonally1 w\ld h any responsibility1 = we h no?+ & x w\ld be %ift+ ! responsibility ^u ! community4 ,we _c accept a pres5t = ourselves )\t p]mission1 b we c & ought1 :5ev] no condition is express$1 ) ! int5tion to give x to ! sup]ior to dispose ( = ! congregation4 ,we mu/ nev] refuse an (f] :5 x is = ! congregation4 ,x is our duty to accept & let t p]son d 8 good "w4 ,e congregation is g5]ally or always 9 ne$ ( means to p]=m good works4 ,let ev]ybody contribute to good4 ,we mu/ d our "w ) anxiety or solicitude1 do+ our be/4 ,ca/ y\r c>e on ! ,"l & ,he w take c>e ( y4 ,9 ?is *apt] ,i h endeavor$ to expla9 "s ( ! _m practices & c]emonies ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 z ,i h f\nd t !re are v few ,prote/ants :o und]/& ! import ( ^! 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion4 ,! ,roman ,ca?olic def9ition = c]emonies ( ! ,*ur*1 is ,c]ta9 significant signs & actions1 orda9$ by ! ,*ur* = ! celebration ( ! ,div9e ,s]vice4 7,deh>be's ,cate*ism1 ,page #abg47 ,s y see t ^! v>i\s c]emonies mu/ be obs]v$ by ! ,roman ,ca?olics because ! *ur* says s1 n t ,*ri/ in/itut$ any su* practices :ile ,he 0 "h4 ,&1 :5ev] ! ,*ur* wi%es1 %e c add a few m to h] already long li/ ( c]emonies1 & ! ,roman ,ca?olic mu/ believe 9 x & practice x1 or he _c cont9ue to be ,roman ,ca?olic4 ,,*apt] ,,viii4 ,,my ,,trip ,,to ,,! ,,g5]al ,,"m ,,h\se ,! si/]s ( ! ord] to :i* ,i belong$ 7 giv5 a visit to ! ,"m ,h\se 9 ,montreal1 ,canada1 once dur+ _! si/]hood life1 provid+ !y c\ld outlive _! turn1 z ! old] si/]s came fir/4 ,?is 0 a great privilege = ! si/]s1 an opportunity to dr9k deep 9 _! s\ls ! _s ( hol9ess emanat+ f ! sa9tly si/]s :o _h be5 spiritually =m$ & p]fect$ 9 conv5tual practices--! ,"m ,f\ndresses ( ! ,ord]4 ,i w n[ tell y h[ ,i receiv$ ?is privilege4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my fa!r di$ 9 #ahif1 & :5 8 e/ate 0 settl$ ,i receiv$ #ejj4jj 9 ca%4 ,x 0 und]/ood long be=e ?is betwe5 ! si/]s & myself t :5 he di$1 if ,i w\ld receive any?+ f him1 ,i w\ld pay my d[ry ( #cjj4jj to ! community4 ,out ( ! #ejj4jj ,i receiv$ f him1 ,i paid my promis$ #cjj4jj to ! community1 & plac$ ! rema9+ #bjj4jj on deposit at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital = safe keep+1 z ,i _h promis$ x to ! ,abbott ( ,mt4 ,angel ,college = ! education ( a nephew ( m9e4 ,:ile ?is money 0 on deposit at ! hospital1 ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al1 ,"m ,anto9ette1 tri$ to induce me to take my trip to ! ,"m ,h\se4 ,!re 7 sev]al si/]s :o want$ ! (fice ,i fill$ at t "t1 sup]9t5d5t ( ! ?ird floor1 & !y also ?\ght x 0 a good "t = me to g on ?is trip4 ,i c\ld see t x 0 ! #bjj4jj & my (fice !y 7 aft]1 s ,i refus$ to take ! trip at t "t4 ,a few ye>s lat]1 #aijg1 ,si/] ,rita & myself decid$ x 0 !n "t = u to g to ! ,"m ,h\se1 s we began to plan 9 ord] t we w\ld n be refus$ :5 we ask$ p]mission ( ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al1 ,"m ,anto9ette4 ,si/] ,rita _h be5 at ! hospital all ! ye>s ,i _h be5 !re1 & we _h become v fri5dly & *ummy--t is1 z fri5dly & *ummy z si/]s c be4 ,we _h agre$ n to make tr\ble = ea* o!r by tell+ tales to ! sup]ior1 & ?is agreem5t made x possible = u to come toge!r on "s common1 si/]ly int]e/s ) j a little less suspicion4 ,s1 on acc\nt ( ?is fri5dly feel+1 & because we c\ld talk on a few subjects o!r ?an ! ,sa9te ,vi]ge & miracul\s m$als1 we 7 det]m9$ to take ! trip toge!r4 ,we made our desire kn[n to "o ( ! lead+ doctors ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ^: "n ,i purposely )hold1 & he promis$ to see ! (ficials ( ! transportation companies1 & arrange1 if possible1 = our transportation4 ,he return$ ) a v favorable report1 & !n we ask$ ,"m ,anto9ette = ! p]mission to g to ,montreal1 :i* 0 grant$4 ,our doctor fri5d told u t we %\ld visit ,new ,york :ile 9 ! ,ea/1 & ask$ u if we w\ld g if he w\ld get transportation4 ,we told him we c]ta9ly w\ld if we c\ld get ! cons5t ( ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al4 ,he in=m$ u a little lat] t arrangem5ts _h be5 made = ! trip to ,new ,york4 ,he !n sugge/$ t we %\ld return by way ( ! ,s\?1 b we fe>$ t we c\ld n get ! cons5t ( ! (fic] ( ! ord]4 ,"m ,anto9ette did n c>e ab\t giv+ u ! p]mission to take ! trip to ,new ,york & ?r\gh ! ,s\?1 b %e knew t ! transportation _h be5 arrang$1 & t ,si/] ,rita & myself 7 popul> ) ! pati5ts & doctors at ! hospital1 s %e cons5t$1 fe>+ t if %e did o!rwise x w\ld injure ! int]e/s ( ! in/itution ) ! bus9ess p & doctors ( ,portl&1 :o 7 our fri5ds4 ,z soon z our _m fri5ds le>n$ ( our plans to g ,ea/1 !y v readily came to our rescue ) money = our b]?s1 meals & o!r exp5ses :ile /opp+ at ! v>i\s cities we expect$ to visit4 ,"o v good fri5d ( ,si/] ,rita's gave h] a *eck ( #bjj4jj4 ,%e also _h "s money f h] relatives & fri5ds4 ,i _h receiv$ "s money f relatives & f my fri5ds1 & ?is1 toge!r ) "s ,johnny ,morgan money made sev]al hundr$ doll>s we _h betwe5 u4 ,i _h he>d ( si/]s tak+ trips ,ea/ ) ! s-call$ ,johnny ,morgan money1 & ,i _h also se5 "o ( ! sup]iors ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 ,si/] ,fr$]ick1 s5d pres5ts :i* _h be5 giv5 to me & be5 turn$ ov] to h] by me z our rule prescribes1 to h] p 9 ,canada1 s ,i decid$ to use my ,johnny ,morgan tea*+ n[1 & ,i f\nd x v h&y4 ,a nurse fri5d :o _h tra9$ at ,/4 ,v9c5t's pres5t$ ea* ( u ) a v f9e ,japanese suitcase1 s we 7 well equipp$ = our j\rney4 ,i _h be5 sick = a long "t be=e ?is1 sev]al times sick en\gh to die1 & ,si/] ,rita told me t %e 0 almo/ afraid to g ) me = fe> t %e w\ld h to bury me on ! way4 ,i told h] n to worry ab\t me2 t if ,i di$ to see t ,i 0 put "u gr\nd1 & say1 ,good-bye1 ,lucretia1 & g on ) ! j\rney4 ,on ! ev5+ ( ,june ?ird1 #aijg1 we 7 prep>$ to />t & 7 met by a few fri5ds at ! ,union ,depot1 :o pres5t$ u ) da9ty lun* baskets ) en\gh good ?+s to eat until we arriv$ at ,*icago1 our fir/ /op4 ,we 7 met at ,*icago by "s ( my relatives1 ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,gorman1 :o ent]ta9$ u dur+ our /ay ( t5 days4 ,i _h a relative 9 ! ,notre ,dame ,conv5t1 :om ,i visit$ :ile !re4 ,h] si/]1 a m>ri$ woman1 ask$ me if ,i c\ld d any?+ = h] si/]'s 7! nun7 sickness1 :i* ,i f\nd to be n]v\sness4 ,i told h] ! be/ ?+ to d = h] 0 to take h] out ( ! conv5t & let h] live l o!r p live4 ,! next /op 0 ! ,"m ,h\se1 ,montreal1 ,canada4 ,?is build+ 0 an imm5se1 d>k /one /ructure1 six /ories 9 height1 a sure en\gh p5it5ti>y-look+ ,roman =tification4 ,! walls ( ?is enorm\s build+ encloses a l>ge novitiate1 :i* has ab\t "o hundr$ novices mo/ ( ! "t2 l>ge dormitories = ! si/]s1 "s ( !m fitt$ to accommodate =ty1 & d>k except :5 light$ by artificial light2 a pr9t+ plant op]at$ by ! si/]s1 us$ to pr9t ! books & o!r lit]ature = ! _m h\ses ( ! ord]2 sew+ rooms1 :]e clo!s are made = ! novices 9 ! novitiate & o!r inmates ( ! ,"m ,h\se2 a dep>tm5t :]e ! si/]s make slipp]s = ! inmates ( ! h\se2 a *apel1 community room1 l>ge kit*5s1 d9+-rooms = ! *apla9 & si/]s1 bak]ies1 an infirm>y & op]at+ room1 & 9 fact a dep>tm5t = ne>ly ev]y?+ us$ = ! si/]s 9 ?is in/itution4 ,illu/ration3 ,head ,"m ,h\se ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 ,montreal1 ,canada4 ,mo/ ( ! pr(ess$ si/]s at ?is h\se are ^? :o h pass$ _! ye>s ( usefulness 9 ! "w done by ! ord]1 su* z hospital "w1 tea*+1 orphanage1 etc41 or are sickly si/]s :o _c d ! outside "w4 ,!re are always sev]al hundr$ si/]s at ! ,"m ,h\se s5t f ! num]\s h\ses ( ! ord] f all ov] ! c\ntry1 _m ( :i* pass _! few rema9+ ye>s 9 solitude4 ,!re are ab\t six si/]s :o att5d to ! bus9ess ( ?is h\se1 :i* is ! head ( all ! diff]5t h\ses ( ?is p>ticul> ord]1 & all reports mu/ be made to ! head si/]1 :o is call$ ! ,"m ,g5]al4 ,dur+ our visit !re1 we 7 accompani$ by two ( ! holy ,maison ,m]e 7,"m ,h\se7 nuns to an iron vault1 to gaze ^u & v5]ate ! fle%y he>t ( ! ,bi%op ,f\nd] ( ! ord]1 ,monseigneur ,ignase ,b\rget1 :i* 0 !re pres]v$ 9 ab\t two qu>ts ( alcohol4 ,we 7 told by ! accompany+ si/]s t e ye> on ,monseigneur ,b\rget's fea/ day1 ?is he>t turn$ to its natural blood-color4 ,?is ,bi%op 0 ! ,*ri/ repres5tative :o said to ! five f\ndress si/]s :o fir/ came to ! ,nor?we/ to build prison conv5ts "h3 ,g1 my daught]s6 ,fe> no?+--,i s5d y 9 ! "n ( ! ,sov]eign ,pontiff4 ,multiply y\rselves to ! great] glory ( ,god4 7,nov4 #a/1 #ahef47 ,we also _h ! privilege & honor ( jo9+ 9 a nov5a pray] = ! cure ( a crippl$ girl4 ,?is nov5a 0 (f]$ to ,"m ,gamel91 a si/] f\ndress ( ! ord]1 :o _h be5 dead s9ce ,septemb] #bc;d1 #ahea1 & :o 0 n[ work+ miracles :i* 0 a f9al te/ to prove %e 0 wor?y ( canonization by ! ,"m ,*ur*4 ,x be+ "t = our annual retreat1 we 7 oblig$ to li/5 to eight days ( ,fr5* prea*+1 confession1 pray] & sil5ce 9 ! ,"m ,h\se4 ,a l>ge portion ( ! city ( ,montreal is n[ 9 ! h&s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em--*ur*es1 conv5ts1 p>o*ial s*ools or o!r ,roman in/itutions fac+ ! /reets e few blocks4 ,^! portions ( ! city are inhabit$ by ! ,fr5* ,canadians mo/ly1 & z a g5]al ?+ !y h v l>ge families & are poor1 almo/ to a degree ( pov]ty4 ,! *ur* ble$s !m ( _! scanty e>n+s1 !n 9 ! w9t] op5 s\p h\ses 9 ! "n ( ,*>ity4 ,"o ( ! si/]s at ! ,"m ,h\se told me t %e _h se5 "s ( ^! p walk 9 _! b>e feet 9 ! sn[ to "s ( ^! *>itable s\p h\ses to p>take ( ! little b[l ( s\p t body & s\l might be kept toge!r4 ,! *ildr5 9 ^! families are ne>ly all rais$ 9 ! p>o*ial s*ools & *ur*es & "k no?+ b ! ,romi% tea*+ & t is ! reason !re are s _m ,fr5* ,canadian prie/s & si/]s4 ,! home & family life ( ! p are s closely relat$ to mona/ic life t x _c be call$ tak+ a /ep 9 life :5 ! boys & girls ent] ! conv5t1 x is j cont9u+ f babyhood to ! end ( life 9 ! drudg]y ( ! nunn]ies4 ,:ile at ! ,"m ,h\se1 ,i 0 told t ! ,fr5* ,canadian p 7 fa/ loos+ _! fai? & becom+ infidels1 lead+ a life ( worldl9ess & degradation4 ,:o is to blame = ?is condition8 ,surely n ! poor p :o h be5 prie/-ridd5 all ^! ye>s4 ,x is j ! same /ory y he> ( e c\ntry :]e ,rome has _h ! control = any l5g? ( "t4 ,we visit$ ! ,hotel ,dieu ,nunn]y :]e ,m>ia ,monk _h h] t]rible exp]i5ces z a black nun4 ,! int]ior ( ?is conv5t indicat$ ! tru? ( h] description 9 h] book4 ,9 ! hospital "p !re 7 a few rooms = pati5ts1 b pr9cipally w>ds--! b$s hav+ curta9s ar\nd !m4 ,we witness$ a doctor mak+ 8 daily sick visit4 ,he 0 accompani$ by si/]s all 9 black1 except a bit ( ! face & h&s4 ,^! si/]s w\ld h&le ! m$ic9e & dress+s :i* 7 kept 9 a cab9etlike table1 ) no?+ to protect !m f ! du/ b a curta9 ar\nd ! table4 ,on top ( ^! tables 7 oratories1 su* z we _h 9 ! *apels1 conta9+ fl[]s1 /atues1 holy wat] f\nta9s1 etc4 ,i ask$ :at ^! oratories 7 = & 0 told !y 7 = ! sick to pray to = _! cures4 ,:5 we 7 ready to leave ?is in/itution1 ,i ask$ ! si/] t accompani$ u ?r\gh1 if %e w\ld come to ! gate ) u4 ,%e came to ! ?re%old ( ! door & /opp$ & said t ! si/]s 7 n all[$ to pass ! door )\t special disp5sation f ! ,ar*bi%op4 ,9 ano!r ,black ,nunn]y ,conv5t we visit$ !re 0 a l>ge w>d1 probably "o hundr$ feet long & sixty feet wide1 fill$ ) small1 l[ b$s1 = ! accommodation ( babies & *ildr54 ,i saw probably =ty or fifty *ildr5 n old] ?an six ye>s4 ,i ask$ ! si/] if ! si/]s !re 7 all[$ to take c>e ( babies ( t age1 = ,i knew ! si/]s 9 my community 7 n1 & %e told me t !y 7 n2 t !y _h nurse-girls to take c>e ( !m & t !re 0 a si/] appo9t$ to ov]see ! "w4 ,we 7 tak5 to ! basem5t ( ?is in/itution & saw ! private burial places ( ! holy ,"m ,f\ndress ( ! ord] & sev]al o!r si/]s p>ticul>ly di/+ui%$ = great sanctity & sup]naturally gift$ :ile liv+1 z we 7 told4 ,^! burial places 7 m>k$ by a small1 n>r[ bo>d at "o end1 & a small wood5 cross1 ab\t a foot high at ! o!r4 ,! f\rte5 /ations ( ! cross 7 erect$ along ! walls t surr\nd$ ?is burial gr\nd4 ,special indulg5ces & bless+s 7 suppos$ to come to anyone pray+ 9 ?is holy place4 ,we 7 also told t any?+ t 0 plac$ on ! grave ( ! holy ,"m1 & rema9$ !re = "s "t1 became holy1 & t if ^! articles 7 kept & v5]at$1 ! holy p]son or sa9t w\ld be ! means ( special bless+s to u4 ,i 0 giv5 a small sprig ( a fl[] made holy 9 ?is mann]1 & ,si/] ,rita & myself _h a laugh ov] x4 ,:5 ,i rea*$ ! /reet1 ,i disc>d$ ?is holy relic4 ,we sp5t f\r days visit+ ! ,longue ,po9te ,insane ,asylum ne> ,montreal4 ,?is asylum includ$ sev5 magnific5t /one build+s1 & _h f\r hundr$ & tw5ty acres ( gr\nd4 ,at ! "t we 7 visit+1 !re 7 two ?\s& inmates & two hundr$ si/]s :o att5d$ ! sick4 ,!re 7 also a l>ge numb] ( uni=m$ m5 to gu>d & att5d ! male pati5ts4 ,we 7 told t ! in/itution belong$ to ! gov]nm5t1 b _h be5 turn$ ov] to ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce :o _h ! sole sup]vision ( x4 ,a great _m si/]s ( ! ord] ,i belong$ to1 & o!r ord]s z well1 :o became drunk>ds & ) o!r ailm5ts1 z well z be+ insane1 are s5t to ?is in/itution f all ov] ! ,unit$ ,/ates & ,canada4 ,i w give y an example ( h[ "s ( ! si/]s g to ?is in/itution4 ,a si/] ,i knew v well at ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton1 aft] an eight-days' retreat1 0 f\nd 9 a closet by ano!r si/]1 saw+ on h] neck ) a common1 ord9>y but*]-knife1 & _h almo/ succe$$ 9 putt+ an end to h] tr\bles4 ,:5 ask$ :at %e 0 do+ %e j said1 ,hell "h or ,hell h]eaft]1 :at is ! diff]5ce8 & kept on saw+4 ,?ree old] si/]s sew$ & b&ag$ ! w\nd & z soon z %e _h recov]$ suffici5tly to travel1 0 s5t to ?is asylum at ,longue ,po9te4 ,& ?is si/] 0 n insane b 0 sick & ne$$ a doctor & m$ic9e1 b 9 ord] to kill ! sc&al1 %e 0 s5t away s x w\ld be =gott54 ,we avail$ ourselves ( ! opportunity & w5t on a pilgrimage to ,/4 ,anne de ,beaupre1 ,quebec1 ab\t "o hundr$ & sixty miles f ,montreal on ! ,/4 ,lawr5ce ,riv]4 ,!re 7 ab\t sev5 hundr$ p on ! /eam] *>t]$ = ?is pilgrimage4 ,! /eam] 0 equipp$ ) c\nt]s lad5 ) small /atues1 pictures1 ros>ies1 images magnifi$ & encas$ 9 p5-hold]s1 lockets & o!r *eap tr9kets = ! pass5g]s to pur*ase z s\v5irs4 ,aft] buy+ !m we w\ld take !m to ! prie/ & h !m bless$4 ,ab\t e two h\rs dur+ ! entire pilgrimage1 we 7 assembl$ by ord] ( ! prie/ & made to say ! ros>y & o!r pray]s4 ,at elev5 o'clock at night we arriv$ at ,cape ,holy ,sacram5t4 ,"h we 7 all reque/$ to g a%ore & assemble 9 ! *ur* = a special b5$iction4 ,ea* pass5g] 0 requir$ to pur*ase a c&le1 j a simple tall[ c&le1 = :i* 0 *>g$ fifte5 c5ts4 ,:5 we 7 assembl$ 9 ! *ur* ! prie/ bless$ ^! c&les ) "s ,lat9 pray]s1 & !n turn$ 8 back to u = ab\t tw5ty m9utes = "s m ,lat9 pray]s4 ,aft] ?is holy b5$iction1 :i* v few1 if any ( u1 und]/ood1 we return$ to ! boat & cont9u$ our j\rney4 ,we arriv$ at ! village ( ,/4 ,anne de ,beaupre ab\t sev5 o'clock 9 ! morn+ & w5t direct to ! wond]ful basilica ( ,/4 ,anne de ,beaupre1 :]e we he>d mass & receiv$ ! consecrat$ waft]-god be=e we c\ld h any breakfa/4 ,?is basilica is a magnific5t temple1 probably six /ories 9 height1 ) two high spires1 & wond]ful *im+ bells4 ,9 ! int]ior !re is a l>ge co/ly decorat$ alt>1 & above ?is on ei!r side are o!r alt>s4 ,on ei!r side ( ! ma9 auditorium are r[s ( in/all$ *apels1 t5 on ea* side1 mak+ tw5ty 9 all4 ,ea* ( ^! *apels has its own alt> & is d$icat$ to "s sa9t & conta9s a life-size /atue ( t special sa9t4 ,! /atue ( ,/4 ,anne :i* works ! miracul\s cures is locat$ ab\t ! c5tre ( ! basilica4 ,x is ab\t twice ! size ( a man1 & /&+ on an onyx pill> ab\t f\r feet high4 ,! op5 h&s are ext5d$ a little f ! body1 & f !m /ream rays ( gold1 repres5t+ ! great ri*ness ( ,/4 ,anne's disp5s+ p[]4 ,x is to ?is /atue t hundr$s ( suff]]s f all p>ts ( ,canada & ?is c\ntry travel e ye> 9 se>* ( a cure = _! infirmities4 ,!re 7 on exhibition hundr$s & hundr$s ( crut*es1 canes1 /icks & supports = all k9ds ( infirmities hung on ! walls 9 ! back ( ! *ur* & on two imm5se pill>s4 ,^! 7 suppos$ to h be5 left !re by p :o _h be5 cur$ by ?is wond]ful /atue ( ,/4 ,anne4 ,!n ^u believ+ !mselves cur$ ( _! ailm5t or infirmity !y w\ld pay :atev] sum ( money !y c\ld af=d1 & t is ! reason = su* a magnific5t in/itution 9 ?is small village4 ,on an elevation ne> ! *ur* 0 a small build+ call$ ! holy ,sanctum4 ,lead+ to ?is build+ 7 twelve /eps1 :i*1 9 ord] to rea* ! entrance ( ! build+1 we _h to asc5d on our knees4 ,! images & /atues 9 ?is build+ 7 mo/ beautiful to behold--co/ly %r9es1 life-siz$ /atues ( "s ( ! m>tyr$ sa9ts1 & our ,"l1 z repres5t$ 9 ! tomb4 ,! f\rte5 /ations ( ! cross 7 engrav$ 9 f9e art on ! walls1 magnific5t pa9t+s on ! ceil+1 su* z ! ,angelical ,salutation ( ! ,virg9 ,m>y1 & o!r views emblematic ( religion4 ,^! ?+s 7 all v int]e/+ to look ^u1 b ! m ,i tri$ to pray & conv9ce myself 9 my he>t t ?is %[ 0 religion1 ! m ,i f\nd myself los+ :at little belief ,i !n _h4 ,on leav+ ?is holy ,sanctum1 we pass$ a spr+ :i* _h be5 tapp$ to make a f\nta94 ,?is 0 kn[n z ,/4 ,anne's f\nta91 & ! wat] 0 suppos$ to possess great curative qualities4 ,i c\ld n believe 9 all ?is sort ( holy rot1 x 0 gett+ too /rong = me1 b ,si/] ,rita took a small bottle ( ! wat] :i* %e c>ri$ ?r\gh\t ! rema9d] ( ! trip4 ,next we look$ 9 ! basem5t ( ! *ur*1 :i* 0 fitt$ up v mu* l ! basem5ts ( our l>ge dep>tm5t /ores1 :]e all k9ds ( holy articles 7 = sale1 ev]y?+ f exp5sive /atues & prie/'s ve/m5ts to hundr$s ( devotional & sup]/iti\s tr9kets ( ! ,romi% belief4 ,!re 7 ?\s&s ( p f ! surr\nd+ c\ntry at ?is village t day1 z x 0 "o ( ! p]iodical pilgrimages to ! ,/4 ,anne ,basilica4 ,return+ to ,montreal we witness$ ! gr& processional p>ade ( ! ,fr5* ,canadian p celebrat+ _! ,national holiday1 ! ,fea/ ( ,/4 ,john ! ,bapti/4 ,?is celebration1 in/ead ( be+ a civil affair1 seem$ to be m ( an ecclesia/ical %[1 ) all ! v>i\s societies & clubs ( ! *ur* p>ad+ 9 all ! pomp & glitt]+ raim5t *>act]i/ic ( ! ,*ur* ( ,rome4 ,x seem$ to me t x 0 m = ! aggr&izem5t ( ! *ur* ?an = ! k9dl+ ( patriotism 9 ! he>ts ( ! citiz5s4 ,9 ,quebec1 ,joliette1 & o!r cities & t[ns1 we c\ld nei!r see nor he> any?+ ( int]e/ except ! greatness ( ! ri* *ur*es1 ! halls & pavilions = ! celebration ( fe/ival & sa9t's days & nunn]ies1 & to admire ! self-sacrific+ _s ( ! ,fr5* ,canadian p = ! ,romi% sup]/ition4 ,( c\rse1 ! beauties ( nature 7 v gr& at t "t ( ! ye>1 & we enjoy$ x to a c]ta9 ext5t1 z mu* probably1 z a si/] c\ld4 ,?us sev5 weeks 7 sp5t 9 ,canada & we bo? rejoic$ 9 %ak+ (f ! feel+ ( morbid depression ( ,romi% dom9ation ev5 ?\gh ! trip 0 suppos$ to be "o ( pleasure4 ,9 return+ to ! ,/ates1 at ,/4 ,albans1 on ! /ate l9e1 ! tra9man ann\nc$ tw5ty m9utes = lun*4 ,si/] ,rita & myself hurri$ly ord]$ "s clam-*[d]4 ,9 a few m9utes x 0 s]v$1 & we _h j begun to eat x1 :5 we he>d all abo>d4 ,we _h a =ty-c5t laugh1 m9us ! /ew1 & a run = ! tra94 ,we /opp$ at ,burl+ton1 ,v]mont1 at ,niag>a ,falls1 ,buffalo1 ,albany1 ,new ,york ,city1 ,philadelphia1 & ,atlantic ,city4 ,at ,atlantic ,city1 ,si/] ,rita took sick1 s we w5t to ,wa%+ton1 ,d4 ,c41 to ! ,provid5ce ,hospital :i* 0 conduct$ by ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ^: ,"m ,h\se 0 /ill 9 ,france4 ,9 two weeks ,si/] ,rita _h suffici5tly recov]$ to cont9ue our trip4 ,we 7 det]m9$ to see :at 0 de>e/ to our he>ts 9 all ?is trip--,wa%+ton's ,tomb4 ,we w5t z close z we c\ld to ! tomb1 knelt d[n & t\*$ ! cem5t floor inside ! vault ) our h&s1 9 feel+ ( gratitude = lib]ty to our c\ntry1 ev5 ?\gh we 7 b\nd to ! gov]nm5t ( ! ,pope ( ,rome4 ,= j aft] our visit to prie/-ridd5 ,montreal1 we 7 surely ?ankful = ! lib]ty enjoy$ 9 ?is c\ntry1 & we c\ld see t x 0 ?is lib]ty t sav$ u f a great] hell on e>? ?an we 7 liv+4 ,we visit$ ,wa%+ton's ,monum5t1 ! ,soldi]s ,home1 ! ,:ite ,h\se1 ! ,capitol ,build+ & v>i\s o!r adm9i/ration & gov]nm5t build+s4 ,our respects 7 paid to ,/4 ,pet]'s ,ca!dral1 :i* has become fam\s = ! ,pan-,am]ican ,mass held e ,?anksgiv+ ,day1 & :i* has be5 att5d$ by sev]al ( our late ,presid5ts4 ,ne> ! city1 we visit$ a new mona/]y :i* 0 inhabit$ by ,fr5* ,monks4 ,! mo/ int]e/+ "p ( ?is place 0 t portion "u ! ma9 build+ :]e ! basem5t ord9>ily w\ld h be54 ,!re 0 a long1 n>r[ zig-zag tunnel1 or passage1 ab\t six feet wide & probably sev5 or eight feet high4 ,we 7 escort$ ?r\gh ab\t "o hundr$ feet ( ?is tunnel & !n ! accompany+ ,monk told u t ! rema9d] ( x _h n be5 f9i%$1 s we return$4 ,along ! sides ( ?is tunnel 7 ni*es1 9 :i* 7 plac$ /atues1 :i* 7 visible only by ! aid ( small burn+ tap]s4 ,9 fact1 mo/ ( ! tunnel 0 s d>k t we 7 unable to f9d our way )\t ! aid ( a light c>ri$ by ! ,monk4 ,x 0 a crude1 spooky-look+ place1 & bo? ,si/] ,rita & myself gave a sigh ( relief :5 we 7 once aga9 9 ! light ( day & on top ( ,god's gre5 foot-/ool4 ,we 7 in=m$ by ! prie/ t ^! tunnels 7 to commemorate ! ,catacombs ( ,rome at ! "t ( ! e>ly ,*ri/ians4 ,we w5t to ,baltimore1 !n cross$ ! ,*esapeake ,bay to ,norfolk1 ,virg9ia1 :]e we visit$ ! ,jame/[n ,exposition4 ,! wond]ful exhibits at ?is exposition1 ! hi/oric & o!r int]e/+ places visit$ :ile !re1 7 a revelation ( ! a*ievem5ts & advancem5ts ( ?is great c\ntry1 & ! acquisition ( mu* hi/orical enlight5m5t4 ,we knew we 7 acquir+ mu* k =bidd5 by ! ,pope ( ,rome1 b we 7 greatly pleas$ to ?9k t we 7 defeat+ ?is self-/yl$ rul] ( heav51 e>? & hell4 ,f ,norfolk we w5t to ,new ,orleans4 ,= miles ! /reets ( ?is l>ge city 7 l9$ ) little1 antiquat$1 unkept homes1 _m ( :i* seem$ to be fall+ 9 ru94 ,! "q came to my m9d1 ,:y d ^! p n advance8 ,! answ] 0 v app>5t :5 we saw ! /rangle-hold ! ,roman ,*ur* _h on !m1 & h[ !y _h built imm5se *ur*es1 mona/]ies & conv5ts = ! glorification & fat-liv+ ( ! ecclesia/ical gods4 ,we visit$ ! ,jesuit *ur*1 :i* 0 a /ructure magnific5t & beautiful to behold--) its alt>s & ornam5tations ( bronze4 ,at t "t ?is *ur* 0 consid]$ "o ( ! mo/ co/ly 9 ,am]ica4 ,dur+ our /ay 9 ,new ,orleans1 we /opp$ at ! conv5t ( ! ,dom9ican ,si/]s4 ,9 conv]s+ ) "s ( ^! si/]s1 we le>n$ h[ !y recruit$ _! ranks4 ,"s ( ! mo/ tru/-wor?y si/]s w\ld be s5t to ,irel& to talk ! poor ,iri% girls into com+ to ?is c\ntry & liv+ good1 pure1 holy lives z si/]s4 ,we 7 also told t z a rule1 ^! girls di$ v "y1 & g5]ally ( consumption4 ,we saw "s ( !m1 & !y surely look$ l cag$ birds1 sorry & discont5t$1 home-sick & c>e-worn4 ,previ\s to ?is1 feel]s _h be5 plac$ be=e ! si/]s 9 my community to see :at si/]s 7 will+ to g to ,europe to get recruits = ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 & :5 ,i saw ^! girls1 once1 no d\bt1 rosy *eek$ & beautiful1 b n[ pale & c>e-worn f ! unnatural1 cag$ life !y 7 liv+1 ,i made a v[ t ,i w\ld nev] be ! means ( entic+ any =eign]s to leave _! homes to become slaves = ! ,roman ,hi]>*y4 ,:5 we 7 9 ,burl+ton1 ,v]mont1 a si/]-memb] ( ! same ord] ,i belong$ to1 ask$ me to visit a relative si/] ( h]s 9 ! ,ursul9e ,conv5t 9 ,new ,orleans4 ,on ! twelf? day ( ,septemb]1 #aijg1 we visit$ ?is conv5t--a mon/r\s prison-look+ in/itution1 ab\t five hundr$ feet long4 ,)9 ! entrance !re 0 a hall along ! out] wall & on ! o!r side ( ! hall !re 7 a numb] ( small rooms1 or /alls1 ab\t eight by t5 feet 9 size4 ,^! /alls 7 sep>at$ f ! hall by iron b>s1 ab\t "o-half in* 9 diamet]1 runn+ f ! floor to ! ceil+1 ab\t two in*es ap>t4 ,i ask$ to see ! si/] by "n1 & :5 %e came we _h to talk to h] f ! o!r side ( ^! b>s4 ,%e ext5d$ h] h& ?r\gh ! b>s to %ake h&s1 & we kiss$ h] ! be/ we c\ld ) t b>ri] betwe5 u4 ,?is 0 a cloi/]$ ord]1 & yet !re 0 a p>o*ial s*ool )9 ! enclosure4 ,! *ildr5's p>5ts & o!r visitors 7 only p]mitt$ to see ! *ildr5 or si/]s z we _h se5 ?is si/]4 ,ab\t five feet f ! floor1 9 ! c5t] ( ! grat+ ( ea* ( ^! /alls1 0 a little door ab\t fifte5 in*es squ>e1 ) a padlock on ! inside4 ,we 7 told ^! 7 us$ = articles br\ght !re t 7 too l>ge to pass betwe5 ! b>s4 ,we visit$ "s ( ! l>ge plantations = :i* ! ,s\? is fam\s1 see+ ! cotton plants 9 all _! diff]5t /ages1 f ! fl[]+ to ! pick+ ( ! cotton4 ,return+ to ! ,pacific ,coa/ we came by ! s\!rn r\te1 ?r\gh ,texas1 ,arizona & ,cali=nia4 ,we /opp$ a few h\rs 9 ,los ,angeles1 & ab\t t5 days at ,san ,francisco & ,oakl&4 ,f ,oakl& we visit$ ,/an=d ,univ]sity1 :i* 0 /ill v mu* demoli%$ f ! e>?quake ne>ly eighte5 mon?s be=e4 ,we arriv$ home--at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&--on ,septemb] ?irtie?1 aft] an abs5ce ( ne>ly f\r mon?s1 & ,i wi% to impress ^u y t 9 all our travels we did n receive "o c5t f our ord]--& !y nev] once (f]$ u any money to pay any ( our exp5ses or %[$ u any si/]ly solicitude4 ,,*apt] ,,ix4 ,i ,,receive ,,my ,,diploma ,,= ,,nurs+ ,,f ,,/4 ,,v9c5t',s ,,hospital--,,tr\ble ,,among ,,! ,,si/]s4 ,hundr$s ( p take trips l ,si/] ,rita & ,i took 9 #aijg e ye> & !re is no?+ said ab\t x1 = x is only a common trip = ! p ( ! _w4 ,b = two nuns 9 _! g>b to travel f "o side ( ! cont95t to ! o!r1 & f ! nor? to ! s\?1 on a trip l ?is1 is extraord9>y4 ,9 all my si/]hood life1 ,i h nev] kn[n any o!r two si/]s to g on su* a trip4 ,i h kn[n !m to take long] trips1 "s ( !m to ,europe1 b always on bus9ess4 ,once m at ! hospital :]e we _h sp5t s _m ye>s 9 drudg]y1 ! smold]+ pride & natural ambition :i* _h be5 suppress$ & rudely beat5 & =c$ into oblivion1 came f ! hid+ place ) r5ew$ vigor4 ,we realiz$ t a great some?+ _h tak5 place )9 u4 ,we c\ld n see ?+s 9 ! same light z be=e4 ,! trip _h be5 educational = u1 & ! k acquir$ _h driv5 deep into our he>ts ! conviction ( ! tru? ) su* p[] t we f\nd a t]rible battle rag+ )9 u--,romi% conv5t rot on "o side & light on ! o!r4 ,:at 7 we to d8 ,we _h no homes1 no place to g to live ! rema9d] ( our e>?ly soj\rn2 we _h s]v$ ! be/ "p ( our lives = ! ,roman in/itution & 7 no long] "y2 our heal? 0 n ! be/2 helpless f e po9t ( view1 x 0 a pla9 case ( g to "w1 = bett] or = worse4 ,x 0 impossible = u to believe op5$-ey$ ! fooli%ness ( all ! silly sup]/itions we _h s long liv$1 & yet f x !re 0 no escape1 z x 0 by rule & practice & dem&1 compulsory4 ,we talk$ x ov] & realiz$ t we /ood 9 ne$ ( a rem$y to c\nt]act ! wiles ( d>kness--nei!r allopa?ic nor homeopa?ic prescription c\ld accompli% ?is = u1 & we knew f exp]i5ce t ! ,romi% prie/ c\ld d no?+ = u z he 0 ! f\nta9 head ( ! d>kness & ignorance1 except p]haps adm9i/] a spiritual emetic 9 ! confessional4 ,s we j took up our "p ( ! "w z tools1 gr9d+ = ! ,roman ma*9e4 ,naturally1 ! conditions at ! hospital 7 ! same z !y _h always be51 b ! great *ange t _h tak5 place 9 my life caus$ me to be m indep5d5t ?an ,i _h ev] be5 be=e4 ,i saw t ! treatm5t accord$ ! si/]s1 doctors1 nurses & pati5ts 0 n "r1 z well z !y knew x4 ,!y soon realiz$ ! degree ( indep5d5ce ,i _h delegat$ to myself1 & ,i 0 ov]burd5$ ) compla9ts ( ! wrongs t 7 go+ on4 ,n t ,i c\ld directly correct ! irregul>ities1 b t ,i might h "s influ5ce ) ^? 9 *>ge ( ! work+s ( ! in/itution4 ,at ,/4 ,v9c5t's !re 7 sixty si/]s--simply wom5--9 ^: he>ts exi/$ ! same aspirations1 crav+s & desires inh]5t 9 all human fle%4 ,!re 7 ^? si/]s ) _! :ole he>t & s\l p]fectly s9c]e 9 _! religion4 ,o!rs :o 7 ! s*em]s1 intrigu+ 9 ! mo/ cunn+ly devis$ plans imag9able1 work]s ( iniquity & ! greate/ inju/ices 9 ! guise ( religi\s %[4 ,to y\r face ?is class w\ld be s sanctifi$1 always say+ pray]s & look+ to heav51 b :5 y\r back 0 turn$1 !y w\ld /ep on y1 trample y "u _! feet1 or knife y to atta9 _! end1 & t !y might be glorifi$ & exalt$ 9 ! eyes ( _! companions & sup]iors4 ,! outside _w w nev] "k ! real mean+ ( ! ^w s*eme until !y h ! opportunity ( see+ ! helli% plott+s ( a si/]-s*em]4 ,x is only natural t a si/] w d h] utmo/ to h "w 9 :i* %e is int]e/$ & has "s incl9ation t[>d1 s t %e c see & he> ^? ?+s pleas+ to h]4 ,!n :5 %e is 9 h] *os5 "w1 %e w d all 9 h] p[]1 j ! same z o!r p1 to atta9 ! be/ position possible t life might be bright] & %e d ! mo/ good1 z well z to h a little m au?ority4 ,9 ord] to ga9 h] aspirations1 a si/] is compell$ by ! hell-b\nd sy/em to live 9 cont9ual fire--! fire ( fe> & remorse--! fire ( fi]ce wrangl+ ?r\gh pride1 jeal\sy & ambition4 ,pati5ts & doctors h come to me _m1 _m times1 ) pro( ( ! awful jeal\sy & inh>mony among si/]s4 ,!y c\ld n und]/& t a si/]'s _w 0 s small & cramp$ by ob$i5ce t !y c\ld n get away f _! la/ sc5e ( hell & late/ oppression4 ,x 0 ab\t ?is "t1 soon aft] my return f ! ,ea/1 t !re 0 a dem& f ! doctors & pati5ts = m effici5t nurs+4 ,x _h be5 public talk t ! si/]s did n tra9 = ! c>e ( ! sick & consequ5tly did n h diplomas4 ,& yet1 ^! si/]s1 ) only exp]im5tal k ( nurs+1 7 head-nurses1 z sup]9t5d5ts & tea*]s 9 ! tra9+-s*ool4 ,sup]iors 7 appo9t$ :o nev] _h any previ\s hospital exp]i5ce1 com+ directly f orphanages1 s*ools or kit*5 "w4 ,o!rs :o came direct f ,canada1 :o c\ld n speak a doz5 words ( ,engli%1 w\ld be appo9t$ to "s high (fice4 ,f ^! we w\ld be compell$ to take ord]s :i* meant bl9d & milit>y ob$i5ce "u p5alty = ! non-obs]vance4 ,x 0 decid$ t "s ( ! si/]s %\ld be giv5 diplomas to %[ _! qualifications = nurs+4 ,i 0 "o ( ! *os5 few :o receiv$ a beautiful scroll ( pap] c]tify+ t ,i _h complet$ a ?or\gh c\rse ( tra9+ 9 m$ical & surgical nurs+ & _h und]gone a satisfactory exam9ation1 9 ! bran*es taught 9 ! tra9+ s*ool1 be=e c]ta9 memb]s ( ! hospital /aff :o _h atta*$ _! signatures4 ,x 0 also sign$ by ! ,sup]ior ,prov9cial & ! local ,sup]ior4 ,?is diploma 0 a triple falsehood on ! face ( x1 z ,i _h n tak5 a c\rse ( tra9+1 ,i _h n tak5 an exam9ation be=e ^! doctors1 or any o!r doctors1 on ! t5? day ( ,june1 #aija1 or any o!r "t2 &1 moreov]1 ,i did n receive x until aft] ,i _h return$ f my trip ,ea/1 :i* 0 #aijg1 :i* %[s t x 0 ei!r back-dat$ or _h be5 kept 9 cold /orage = sev]al ye>s4 ,illu/ration3 ,fac-simile ( ! ,diploma ,i ,receiv$ f ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,?is 0 simply ano!r delusion ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,hi]>*y to hood-w9k ! public & cause !m to ?9k t ! ,roman in/itutions 7 z effici5t z o!r in/itutions4 ,p]sonally1 ,i 0 qualifi$ to nurse 9 ne>ly all bran*es1 z ,i w prove to my read]s be=e ,i close ?is book1 b :at ,i knew 0 n le>n$ by a ?or\gh tra9+ by any tea*] o!r ?an ! tea*] ( exp]i5ce1 & n[1 ) ov] fifte5 ye>s ( hospital "w to my cr$it1 ,i 0 receiv+ :at ! ord9>y nurse receives aft] ?ree ye>s' tra9+--! diploma4 ,ab\t #aiaj ! new addition to ,/4 ,v9c5t's 0 op5$ = occupancy & x c\ld !n accommodate ab\t f\r hundr$ pati5ts4 ,! reports ( ! unfair treatm5t ( ! si/]s & o!rs z well1 7 com+ to me s fa/ t ,i decid$ to try to "r !m f )9 ! ord]4 ,x 0 only ! beg9n+ ( ! end = me4 ,i appeal$ to all ! wom5 au?orities1 f ! local sup]ior to ! ,"m ,g5]al1 b to no avail4 ,x simply caus$ ! si/]s 9 au?ority to look ^u me ) suspicion & disfavor1 & f ! v fir/1 reports 7 circulat$ ab\t me los+ my fai?1 & be+ a bad religi\s4 ,ord]s 7 giv5 ! si/]s on my floor z to ! managem5t & also z to ! mann] 9 :i* !y 7 to treat me4 ,! reports ( :at 0 go+ on _h rea*$ ! ,"m ,h\se 9 ,montreal1 & ! assi/ant ,"m ,g5]al1 :o 0 a v good fri5d ( m9e1 & at ! same "t endeavor+ to smoo? matt]s ov] 9 ! community1 ask$ me to take ! (fice ( sup]ior at ,a/oria4 ,x 0 simply an attempt to get me out ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's & ,i refus$ to take ! (fice1 kn[+ t ,i c\ld n treat ! si/]s z a sup]ior _h to4 ,a lett] soon came f ! ,"m ,h\se1 :i* ,i w "h copy1 ) o!rs1 %[+ h[ ! news ( /rife )9 ! community travels4 ,also h[ cauti\s a si/] mu/ be ) h] lett]s4 ,! envelope 0 address$ to me1 & on ! top ( x _h ^! words3 ,p4 ,s4 ,if n !re return to me unop5$4 ,provid5ce ,"m ,h\se1 ,montreal1 ,feb4 #aa?1 #aiaj4 7,?is lett] is = y\rself alone47 ,sr4 ,lucretia1 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,de> ,si/]3 ,:at's up8 ,x seems p f9d y s v1 v naughty--s naughty t /rong measures are requir$4 ,look out1 ! comet 7,haley's ,comet7 may play s]i\s tricks6 ,b nons5se ap>t1 d write me :at has happ5$ 9 t h\se8 ,y _c imag9e h[ anxi\s ,i am1 kn[+ :at inju/ice is sometimes met$ out "u ! plea ( good ord] & m]ely = ! sake ( c>ry+ out c]ta9 plans to atta9 ones end4 ,be wat*ful4 ,i love ! community ) all my s\l1 b ,i hate ! iniquity wr\ght by "s ( its memb]s ?r\gh jeal\sy & ambition4 ,god help ! weak6 ,i %all say no m today1 b leave x all to ! /rong "r arm ( ! ,almighty4 ,good-bye & believe me1 ,s9c]ely y\rs1 ,,si/] ,m4 ,,wilfrid4 ,?is lett] is pro( t ,i 0 n ! only si/] :o knew ( ! wrongs & inju/ices t 7 go+ on "u ! plea ( religion4 ,& believe me1 ,i 0 v grateful to receive ?is lett] f "o s high 9 ! ord] z ,si/] ,wilfrid4 ,x brac$ me up = ! com+ battle4 ,my reply 0 z foll[s3 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,feb4 #bj1 #aiaj4 ,rev4 ,"m ,wilfrid1 ,as/4 ,g541 ,montreal1 ,canada4 ,de> ,"m ,wilfrid3 ,i am n aw>e ( be+ s t]ribly naughty1 & ! same comet 7,haley's7 t w play unfair tricks on me might get a few play$ on x1 :5 tricky c>ds w be play$4 ,:5 ^! /range & /rong measures w be put to me ,i w c]ta9ly h to "k ( !m & !n x %all be my bus9ess to le>n ! reason1 & m9e to employ :atev] means ,i may require = ju/ice or peace ( s\l & body4 ,any griev\s wrongs com+ to me ?r\gh jeal\s & ambiti\s evil-do]s w n be borne by me 9 a p5t up he>t any m l 9 ! pa/4 ,accusations1 z also ins9uations1 :i* falsify w h to come to light & pro(4 ,!y c say all ! dirty1 wick$ rem>ks ab\t me !y please4 ,i "k b preci\s little good has ev] be5 said ( me by ! community repres5tatives out "h 9 ! pa/1 & ,i d n expect bett] yet4 ,if ,i am ,am]ican 9 my views & ways1 x does n make me irreligi\s or disloyal4 ,my faults & %ortcom+s are n worse1 nor ( mean] "* ?an ^? ,i am )1 & h liv$ )4 ,) little ef=t ,i c produce pl5ty comp>isons4 ,i w n aga9 suff] humiliat+ trials ca/ ^u me )\t cause1 & worse1 to no purpose1 b to incur ! displeasure ( ,god & to please deceitful1 jeal\s1 s*em+ spirits4 ,y ask me :at has happ5$ ?is h\se8 ,x w\ld take me six mon?s to put x 9 writ+ & make a n]v\s wreck ( myself & !n be compell$ to leave to o!rs :at ,i attempt$ to bett]4 ,"t1 & si/]s :o w be tra9$ by home religi\s1 :o w und]/& our p & si/]s1 c only "r ?+s ) u out "h4 ,along ^! l9es ! tr\ble lies 9 ?is h\se4 ,we are ev5 bad = kn[+ :]e tr\ble lies1 etc41 etc41 etc4 ,y "k z well z ,i d4 ,i "w h>d & "k t ,i "w well1 & ,i d my duty ! be/ ,i "k4 ,! crime is1 ,i hav5't ! ,l'esprit de la religieuse1 because ,i am n ,fr5* & !y c't bake me ov] o!r ?an ,god made me4 ,am54 ,) love 9 pray]1 ,i am1 ,y\rs v s9c]ely1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,on ,m>* #aj?1 #aiaj1 ,i wrote h] aga91 fur!r expla9+ :at 0 go+ on1 z foll[s3 ,de> ,"m ,wilfrid3 ,ano!r item :i* /&s black aga9/ me is t ,i h be5 tak+ c>e ( ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie ?is w9t]4 ,?ree weeks' special nurse & = ?ree mon?s ,i w5t ne>ly e day to 8 resid5ce to give 8 arm massage treatm5t4 ,i did my hospital "w all b ! ent]+ ( a few names along ) ! extra "w4 ,i gave classes 9 nurs+ to ! si/]s two ev5+s p] week4 ,n[1 ( c\rse1 ,i %\ld be made to feel v sorry t ,i h be5 capable ( giv+ agreeable s]vice to su* a di/+ui%$ pati5t4 ,x be+ out ( ! "q to puni% him = be+ pleas$ ) my c>e or an expression ( a ^w ( gratitude4 ,s1 x %\ld behoove me to be put ?r\gh ! expiatory sy/em to atone = my s9s ( hav+ done well & m ?an ! usual ef=t4 ,i c't tell :]e ! glory ( su* ,*ri/-l do+s belong4 ,no d\bt x is ! "r _s--too bad ,i hav5't x4 ,:at a griev\s s9 x mu/ be to please1 etc4 ,ano!r item1 my "n 0 ca/ a good _m times 9 ! ballot box on election ev5+ = ! new sup]ior4 ,i suppose ,i might be call$ ^u to glorify ,god by expiat+ = ?is crime also1 9 "s way or o!r4 ,^? brilliant gems are be+ add$ to o!r hall[s1 too4 ,:at ,p>adise6 m9us innoc5ce4 ,am54 ,z ev]4 ,v truly y\rs1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,j a day or two aft] ,i mail$ ! =ego+ lett]1 ,i receiv$ a note f ,"m ,wilfrid ask+ me to write fur!r1 expla9+ m fully ! national hatr$ m5tion$ 9 my fir/ lett]--%e n hav+ receiv$ ?is la/ "o z yet4 ,s on ,m>* #ah?1 #aiaj1 ,i wrote at l5g?3 ,de> ,"m ,wilfrid3 ,! only reason ,fr5* si/]s h no use = me1 & w\ld nev] give me a sign ( pre/ige is t ,i am n ,fr5*4 ,t is my awful crime4 ,i am lik$ & approv$ ( by all t ,i h deal+s )--! doctors1 ! p1 ! sick--great & l[ly--! nurses1 ! help ( ! floor--all express happ9ess & pleasure on see+ me4 ,! ,engli%-speak+ si/]s f9d a few m9utes' com=t ( m9d & a little peace & enjoym5t 9 my company4 ,9 ! eyes ( jeal\s1 evil m9ds x mu/ be wick$ to possess gifts :i* radiate peace1 happ9ess & h>mony4 ,i ev5 admit t ,i am n dead to approbation or condemnation4 ,i naturally l to give to ev]ybody ( ! be/ ,i h1 :atev] x may be--to receive p well & fri5dly1 to s]ve someone a lun*1 or to d "s little favor ( :atev] k9d1 or if x 7 only a few k9d words ( enc\ragem5t4 ,if anyone wi%es my secret1 ,i am n jeal\s to give my recipe4 ,i always made x a p>ticul> po9t to d ev]y?+ z well z ,i c\ld & "k t ,i d x ) z pleas+ & *e]ful disposition z possible4 ,b t is poison to ! o!r side4 ,i am & always h be5 successful 9 my (fice4 ,i taught a class ( si/]s 7nurs+7 s9ce ! beg9n+ ( la/ ,septemb]1 & ,i "k t ,i did x "r & successful ! times ,i c\ld get !m4 ,:y su* national prejudice & jeal\sy8 ,really :at ! la/ election 7sup]ior's election7 "h %[$1 aft] all ! talk+ ( do+ away ) ! _s ( nationality1 ! pray]s & conf]5ces to ! same purpose1 !n ! nationality _s manife/$ itself ) m =ce ?an ev] be=e1 at lea/ op5ly1 s t "o kn[s :at to call x4 ,x %[s cle>ly1 too1 t !re w nev] be h>mony1 & x is obvi\s t "o k9d w pr$om9ate z long z !y c1 & :5 !y _c1 ! next majority w4 ,our community has fail$ to prove1 up to n[1 t x is a success to h mix$ nationalities4 ,9 "t1 ( c\rse1 anyone c see t "o k9d w give way to ! o!r1 b n by means ( h>mony--probably by ! same me?ods z ( ! pa/1 ! /rong] or ! majority %all control ! weak] or m9ority4 ,z x 0 9 ! beg9n+1 is n[1 & ev] %all be1 _w )\t end4 ,am54 ,said ?is "t 9 tru? & effect4 ,fir/ ( all1 our p1 ! ,engli%-speak+ si/]s1 h no "o to g to = r$ress1 :o und]/&s !m 9 _! tr\bles & trials & difficulties ( a bus9ess or social nature1 simply sil5ce & ob$i5ce )\t a fa9t feel+ ( ev5 a little sympa?y 9 common4 ,! ,jews did n und]/& our ,"l & ,8 suff]+1 b ! ,bless$ ,virg9 did4 ,i believe ,he _h a few o!r h\sehold memb]s :o 7 n only loyal1 fai?ful & devot$ to ,him1 b h>moni\s1 too4 ,if !re 0 jeal\sy & disagreem5t1 ,i d n believe t a good & g5]\s work] 0 tak5 out ( (fice by ! ,ma/] & put aside z an evil _s or put ?r\gh humiliat+ & he>t-r5d+ trials till !re w\ld be no?+ left b a grimace & di/ort$ body or an ins5sible be+1 an object ( pity & sadness4 ,%\ld religion1 if x 0 ! "r k9d1 make p wi% & sigh = dea? to come & put an end to _! mis]y8 ,:y all ?is pr(ession ( religion if x _c gr[ a few fl[]s & plants ( joy & happ9ess1 if x has to legislate p s /iff & cramp$ 9 body & m9d t !y _c b5d )\t break+1 or brea? en\gh left 9 !m )\t look+ hagg>d or half dead8 ,religion & *ur* are n to blame = want ( bread?1 h>mony & /r5g? among/ ourselves 9 organizations4 ,x is up to ! majority ( u si/]s to make life "p ,p>adise or all ,purgatory on e>?1 & all ! s]mons on *>ity t c\ld be prea*$ 9 ! _w & all ! good w & g5]osity put toge!r w fail to produce peace & h>mony 9 a community :i* _c organize & legislate j & fair deal+s to beg9 )4 ,man kn[s & appreciates ?is4 ,) ! o!r lett]s ,i h s5t y1 y c see ! situation4 ,) love z ev]4 ,s9c]ely y\rs1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,! reply ,i receiv$ 0 z foll[s3 ,my de> ,si/] ,lucretia3 ,le/ y worry ab\t y\r lett] ( ,m>* #ah?1 ,i come1 al?\gh ,i h b a few mom5ts to myself1 to say x rea*$ me 9 due "t4 ,i h read & re-read x & f9d t :at y say is true4 ,oh6 if try+ to please & com=t 7)\t sacrific+ "o's religi\s pr9ciples7 & succe$+ !re9 7 crime1 ,i e>ne/ly wi% !re 7 m crim9als among u4 ,9 any case1 ,i w\ld urge y to cont9ue to make o!r's lives happy1 & n all[ ! n>r[-m9d$ness ( "s & ! unk9dness ( o!rs to ca/ bitt]ness into y\r own life4 ,x is h>d1 sometimes1 b !re are en\gh beauties & sweetnesses 9 life if we w only take !m1 & ,i am sure y h prov$ until n[ y "k :]e !y are to be f\nd & h[ to make use ( !m4 ,cont9ue1 de> ,si/] ,lucretia2 no?+ t is good ev] dies2 we h (t5 he>d ?is & p]haps s f> h _h occasions to exp]i5ce its tru?4 ,all[ me to quote a few l9es ,i f\nd n long ago & f9d enc\rag+3 ,if y live ! mo/ devot$ & dis9t]e/$ life possible1 y w f9d p sne]+ at y & imput+ y\r actions to selfi% motives & putt+ a cruel con/ruction on all y d or say4 ,well1 x does n matt]1 = we %all all be manife/$ at ! ,judgm5t seat ( ,*ri/1 be=e ,god & m5 & angels4 ,let u live to please ,him1 = our integrity ( motive w be kn[n at ! la/1 & put beyond all dispute4 ,i h j le>n$ t ,si/] ,rita has be5 transf]r$ to ,oakl&4 ,i hope %e w l ! ,s\? & make h]self happy4 ,believe me1 de> ,si/]1 ,s9c]ely y\rs1 ,,si/] ,m4 ,,wilfrid1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,y w obs]ve f ! =ego+ lett]s t we1 z si/]s1 d n hold ! sy/em acc\ntable = ! wrongs we h to endure 9 ! conv5t4 ,we believe t ! si/]s alone are at fault1 z ,i h /at$ 9 my lett]s to ,"m ,wilfrid4 ,b ! man or woman ) ord9>y intellig5ce1 :o reads ^! conditions z !y 7 at t "t c readily see ! real s\rce4 ,! heads ( ! in/itution1 :o _h ! sole p[]1 in/ead ( ! bett]+ conditions1 tol]at$ & p]mitt$ !m to rema94 ,at t1 ,i h my grave d\bts if ! conv5t sy/em c\ld ev] be h>moni\s4 ,?9k ( h\s+ a l>ge numb] ( wom5 "u "o ro(1 b\nd by ! ironclad1 *ildi% rules & precepts4 ,!y are a b>ri] to life1 lib]ty & ! pursuit ( happ9ess1 :i* ! ,con/itution ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates gu>antees e citiz54 ,!y make progress an impossibility4 ,! outside _w ?9ks ! conv5t sy/em is a success because !y see ! in/itutions gr[ 9 size & numb]1 :i* is due to ! economic me?ods ( free si/]-s]vice4 ,!y nev] h ! opportunity to see success f )94 ,z a fur!r pro( t ! sy/em is ! cause ( discord1 /rife & inh>mony among ! si/]s ,i w copy ano!r lett] ,i wrote to ,"m ,wilfrid4 ,!re is "s repetition ( portions ( my =m] lett]s1 b ,i ?9k ! :ole ( ! lett] w int]e/ my read]s1 ev5 ?\gh x is l5g?y3 ,de> ,"m ,wilfrid3 ,i w br+ a few o!r po9ts be=e y1 ,"m1 :i* means inh>mony 9 our ord]4 ,i d n int5d to convey to y ! idea t ,i am an oracle ( success4 ,! int5tion be+ simply to consid] "s ( ! pr9cipal ess5tials requir$ = success4 ,j a little m5tal view ( ?+s4 ,we all admit t exp]i5ce is a great tea*]--obs]vation its necess>y accompanim5t4 ,bo? are 9 va9 unless a practical application c be made ( ! lessons to be le>n$ f !m4 ,"o ( ! fir/ ess5tials ( success is common hone/y4 ,if ^? :o h _h exp]i5ce 9 "o k9d ( "w c\ld only d>e to be s9c]e en\gh to express ! difficulties !y meet1 9 su* a mann] z to bett] conditions4 ,:at's 9 ! way8 ,prejudice1 ! fe> ( n /&+ high z a p]fect religi\s1 si/]s1 :e!r qualifi$ = lead]%ip or n1 ambiti\s = high (fices4 ,if ! companion %\ld be a little m gift$ 9 "s ?+s ?an ! sup]ior1 %e %\ld make h]self s small & subs]vi5t t %e c sc>cely ?9k4 ,if %e _c look sc>$1 /& back & look p]fectly mum4 ,%e is pr\d1 indep5d5t1 trespass+ on ! sup]ior's rights1 disloyal & rebell+ aga9/ all rightful & lawful au?ority4 ,%e is plac$ 9 a responsible position & n p]mitt$ to be woman en\gh to be ju/ifi$ 9 h] own actions4 ,%e has to ( necessity1 due to inorganization1 make a blund] ( h]self & h] "w4 ,we are con/antly blund]+ & /raight5+ out aft] ea* o!r4 ,exp]i5ce %\ld h taught "s ( u h[ to improve ^u blund]+ ways4 ,take = "o ?+1 ! frequ5t *ang+ ( ! si/]s )\t sy/em or me?od1 (t5 = no reason--!n because "s h put _! heads toge!r to b>e s-&-s out1 !y h to eat black bread4 ,%e has giv5 (f5ce--,god alone kn[s = :at trifle4 ,%e mu/ be puni%$ & made unsuccessful ev5 if ! h\se & place :]e %e is w suff] ! loss ( h] good & successful "w4 ,?is might be say+ a good deal = a subord9ate1 b x is ! price paid = lessons taught by exp]i5ce4 ,we w h bett] organization only :5 we w h our si/]s taught f ! "t !y ent] ! "w = :i* !y h aptitude1 tal5t & incl9ation1 & leave !m g5]ally :]e !y are cont5t$ & successful & n %ift !m ab\t f h\se to h\se1 pill> to po/1 )\t s]i\s reason4 ,we ought to "k by ?is "t t a "w "o does n c>e any?+ ab\t %e w n put mu* ef=t or int]e/ 94 ,to /& ! h>d%ips 9 connection ) e occupation1 "o mu/ h "s lik+ = x & be qualifi$ to succe$4 ,& !n !re w be pl5ty ( room to love ,god & suff] = ,him1 & any numb] ( *ances to practice ! highe/ degree ( religi\s p]fection--entire abnegation1 if y w4 ,su* a "o c be on ! way to ,ge?semane e day ) great] f]vor r ?an murmurs4 ,z a g5]al rule1 p :o h work$ ! great] "p ( _! lives or ye>s 9 c]ta9 works1 p>ticul>ly :5 !y rea* ! ye>s ( ab\t =ty1 adapt !mselves ) great difficulty to an entirely diff]5t k9d4 ,!y ne$ ! ef=ts & ?\ghts z well1 ( y\ng] ye>s to correspond ) _! g5]osity & good w4 ,fir/ ( all to grasp ! situation1 & !n a r5ew+ ( en]gy1 z x 71 !y ne$ new ?\ghts to keep 9 progress ) ! *ang+ conditions4 ,i _c see t we h to be a misfit to be a good religi\s1 & to cripple e natural gift--physically or intellectually4 ,x takes ye>s ( /udy1 practice & exp]i5ce to acquire ! k to fit ones self = ! prop] & successful way ( h&l+ any "w or bus9ess4 ,p :o are e ye>1 or e few ye>s1 />t+ some?+ new1 are always beg9n]s1 possess+ a sup]ficial or smatt]+ k ( _m ?+s1 & ?or\gh 9 none4 ,?is is ! way our h\se is l>gely repres5t$ "h n[--& we wond] :at is ! matt]6 ,:at has happ5$1 ,/4 ,v9c5t's8 ,! great] wond] is t ?+s g on z well z !y d4 ,ano!r mi/ake our p make is t ( ou/+ out ( (fice ^? :o d h ! good w & en]gy to capacitate !mselves = _! "w & prove a success all r\nd by mak+ a little m ( !mselves ?an ! ord9>y hum-drum r\t9e si/]s4 ,! _s ( ! rule is "o k9d ( _s--& !re are o!r spirits4 ,if ,i h n ! _s1 ,god =give me4 ,!re are pl5ty ( o!rs :o h n ! _s4 ,is x ! _s :5 "o is successful 9 an (fice & 9 all h] deal+s ) ! p %e comes 9 contact )1 to n ev5 make an ef=t to h h>mony & und]/&+ on ! "p ( h] sup]iors if misund]/&+ & discord exi/s8 ,!y are n able to face y ) "o correction or compla9t1 b ?r\gh ! religi\s sy/em1 "u cov] ( all t is holy1 to ou/ h] & ?r[ h] d[n & out1 z x 71 reg>dless ( human feel+s or s5se ( righte\sness--no1 n ev5 common civility4 ,anyone n made ( ca/-iron is b\nd to break--body & _s--"u su* trem5d\s pressure4 ,su* is ,si/] ,rita's case1 = "o4 ,y\rs z ev]1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,i want x /rictly und]/ood by my read]s t all ! lett]s ,i h "h produc$ 7 writt5 by me :ile ,i 0 yet a si/] at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 & sup]9t5d5t ( ! ?ird floor ( t in/itution4 ,i c\ld tell ! same facts )\t ! evid5ce ( ^! lett]s1 & 9 a great _m less words1 b ,i wi% to let ! _w "k t ,i knew :ile !re t ! gov]n+ heads ( ! in/itution 7 do+ no?+ to bett] ! !n exi/+ conditions ( inh>mony & discord among ! si/]s2 b1 on ! o!r h&1 7 mak+ matt]s worse = !m by transf]r+ old] si/]s :o 7 acqua9t$ ) ! "w & supplant+ !m ) y\ng] si/]s :o 7 ignorant 9 ! c>e ( ! sick4 ,9 a few words ! wrongs c\ld be summ$ up z foll[s3 ,national hatr$ & jeal\sy2 ,! rule ( ! sy/em compell+ ! si/]s to report on ! o!r si/]s to ! sup]ior1 :i* means a great _m false reports2 ,! employm5t ( si/]s :o _h no previ\s exp]i5ce1 & ! transf]r+ ( ^? :o did "k ab\t ! c>e ( ! sick2 ,sup]iors :o 7 absolutely unqualifi$ = hospital "w2 ,non-c>e ( sick si/]s2 ,ignorance & bl9d ob$i5ce2 ,! numb]less religi\s practices :i* took u away f ! sick1 v (t5 :5 !y ne$$ ! mo/ c>eful att5tion2 ,besides ! tak+ c>e ( ! sick1 ! _m o!r obligations :i* ! si/]s 7 call$ ^u to p]=m--su* z laundry "w1 janitor "w1 kit*5 "w1 etc4 ,& no "o to g to = r$ress 9 case ( wrong4 ,,*apt] ,x4 ,,my ,,removal ,,f ,,/4 ,,v9c5t',s ,,hospital4 ,on ! t5? ( ,july1 #aiaa1 ,i w5t to ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton1 = my annual retreat4 ,imm$iately ^u my return to ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 ,july #ai1 ,i 0 summon$ to ! room ( ! ,prov9cial ,sup]ior1 ,"m ,naz>e?1 & %e in=m$ me t ,i _h be5 nom9at$ to g to ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 say+ t z my heal? _h n be5 v good = "s "t1 ! *ange w\ld be good = me4 ,i _h und]gone a v s]i\s op]ation "s "t be=e ?is1 f :i* ,i _h n fully recov]$4 ,! n]v\s /ra9 caus$ by ! tr\bles )9 ! ord] _h n be5 ( any physical b5efit to me1 ow+ to ! weak5$ condition ( my sy/em f ! op]ation4 ,s ,i told ,"m ,naz>e? t ,i did n ?9k t go+ up 9 ! m\nta9s :]e ! climate 0 s cold w\ld be v b5eficial to my heal?4 ,i also told h] t ,i did n ?9k t my heal? 0 ! reason = my removal1 b t x 0 on acc\nt ( reports1 & ,i wi%$ to "k :at "s ( !m 74 ,%e refus$ to tell me1 & ,i told h] t if %e did n c>e to1 or w\ld n1 ,i w\ld g to high] au?ority1 ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al4 ,talk ab\t sy/em1 & ! travel+ ( news6 ,on ,july #ba/1 two days aft] ,i 0 in=m$ t ,i 0 to g to ,cranbrook1 ,i receiv$ ! foll[+ lett]3 ,h\se ( ,provid5ce1 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%41 ,july #bj1 #aiaa4 ,si/] ,lucretia1 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,ore4 ,de> ,si/]3 ,i am in=m$ by y\r ,prov9cial ,sup]ior t y refuse to accept y\r nom9ation to ano!r h\se4 ,please write me to t effect4 ,await+ y\r answ] )9 a reasonable "t1 ,i am1 ,v s9c]ely y\rs1 7,seal7 ,,si/] ,,m>y ,,julian1 ,sup]ior ,g5]al4 ,c y see h[ ! si/]s "w to keep ahead ( all ! o!r si/]s8 ,us+1 if necess>y1 unfair & unju/ me?ods to atta9 _! ends4 ,i _h told ,"m ,naz>e? t ,i w\ld g ov] h] head1 & f all evid5ce %e mu/ h imm$iately s5t a mess5g] to ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al ) ! message t 0 writt5 me 9 t lett]1 :i* 0 n true4 ,i _h n refus$ to accept ! appo9tm5t1 b _h ask$ ! reason = su* a *ange4 ,our rule on ,frat]nal ,*>ity & ! ,roman ,circul> f ! ,pope1 says to tell ! wrongdo] ( h] faults4 ,s ,i _h ! "r to be giv5 ! reason = my *ange1 aft] all ! reports ,i _h receiv$ ( my v irreligi\s conduct4 ,in/ead ( writ+ to ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al1 z reque/$ 9 h] lett]1 ,i w5t 9 p]son4 ,i ask$ h] to tell me "s ( ! reports %e _h aga9/ me4 ,%e in=m$ me t %e _h he>d _m reports ab\t me1 b t %e did n h to tell me4 ,i told h] t if ,i 0 to correct myself ( my faults1 ,i %\ld "k :at "s ( !m 74 ,%e told me t %e _h he>d reports ab\t me c\nsel+ a "y si/] to leave ! community1 :5 %e 0 9 ,miss\la1 ,montana1 long be=e %e 0 ,sup]ior ,g5]al4 ,?is ,i flatly d5i$1 z ,i _h n done s1 & ,i ask$ h] to "n ! si/]1 b %e refus$ to d s4 ,%e also in=m$ me t a great fault ( m9e 0 t ,i w\ld n report on ! o!r si/]s4 ,i told h] t ?is 0 v true1 & t ,i w\ld n report on ! o!r si/]s unless !re 0 some?+ v wrong to report1 z ,i did n ?9k x 0 "r4 ,%e became v angry aft] me que/ion+ h]1 & said1 ,i am ! au?ority & y are ! subject1 & y h no?+ to d b to obey y\r sup]iors4 ,i said1 ,all "r1 ,i made a v[ ( ob$i5ce1 & ,i w obey2 ,i w g :]e y s5d me1 & ,i w d :at ,i am told1 b x w be m9e to tell ! /ory4 ,on my return to ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 ,i w5t direct to ,"m ,naz>e? & ask$ h] if %e _h any fault to f9d ) my "w4 ,%e repli$1 ,no4 ,i ask$ h] if %e _h any fault to f9d ) my "*4 ,%e repli$ ,no4 ,i !n w5t to my local sup]ior1 ,si/] ,alex&]1 to :om by rule ,i 0 oblig$ to g e mon? to give an acc\nt ( my spiritual & mat]ial progress or difficulties4 ,x 0 h] duty to tell me if %e _h any fault to f9d4 ,%e _h nev] f\nd any fault ) me all ! "t %e _h be5 my sup]ior1 except t ,i _h once giv5 "s food to an employee )\t h] p]mission4 ,i ask$ h] ! same que/ions ,i _h ask$ ,"m ,naz>e? 9 reg>d to my "w & "*1 & %e answ]$ ! same z ,"m ,naz>e? _h4 ,i told h] t no "o ev] _h any faults aga9/ me be=e1 :y all ! reports & faults n[8 ,to ?is %e made no reply4 ,my rule gave me ! "r to appeal to ecclesia/ical au?ority = r$ress ( grievances if ,i 0 n satisfi$ ) ! decision ( my wom5 sup]iors4 ,s ,i next w5t to ,ar*bi%op ,alex&] ,*ri/ie4 ,i told him ( ! wrongs :i* 7 caus+ me _m he>ta*es & sorr[s1 & also ! report ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al _h told me %e _h he>d s _m ye>s be=e4 ,he told me t ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al _h no "r to h&le me on reports %e _h he>d be=e %e _h be5 9 (fice1 accord+ to ,*ur* or ,canon law4 ,he said t ,i _h made a v[ ( ob$i5ce & t ! be/ ?+ ,i c\ld d 0 to obey = ! pres5t & maybe he c\ld d some?+ = me lat]4 ,i _h he>d f prie/s ab\t ! ju/ice ( ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie's ,coadjutor1 or ,vic> ,g5]al1 z he is call$1 ,monsignor ,rauw1 s ,i decid$ to g to him & see if he c\ld int]c$e = me1 or at lea/ cause an inve/igation4 ,he li/5$ v int5tly &1 seem+ly1 ) mu* int]e/ to my /ory ( ! inju/ treatm5t ,i 0 receiv+1 h[ ,i _h sp5t s _m ye>s 9 ! s]vice ( ! community & *ur*4 ,9 te>s & sorr[ ,i appeal$ to him to see t ! "r 0 done1 n t ,i 0 compla9+ ab\t my appo9tm5t to ano!r mission1 b ,i 0 compla9+ ab\t my appo9tm5t to ?is p>ticul> mission on acc\nt ( ! climatic conditions1 & 9 ! mann] 9 :i* ,i 0 be+ s5t4 ,!re mu/ h be5 "s reason = all ?is--& ,i knew well :at x 0--b ,i c\ld get no "o to tell me s ,i c\ld def5d myself4 ,:5 ,i _h f9i%$ tell+ my /ory to ?is great holy fa!r1 he /ood up1 & hold+ himself toge!r ) bo? h&s1 said1 ) mu* =ce1 ,9 religion we h to make big sacrifices6 ,sacrifice6 ,i 0 all b sacrific$ !n1 & to get an answ] l t f ! la/ "o ,i c\ld appeal to = "r6 ,x is impossible to f9d words to express ! feel+ t came ov] me4 ,my he>t & v be+ became *ill$4 ,i %udd]$ at ! v ?\ght ( religion4 ,9 my novitiate ,i _h be5 taught t if at any "t dur+ my community life ,i w\ld be 9 ne$ ( fa!rly k9dness & r$ress1 ,i 0 free to g 9 all *ildlike simplicity to au?oriz$ prie/s or bi%ops4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ "t 9 all my s]vice to ! *ur* t ,i _h ask$ any?+ ( ! prie/ly fa!rs4 ,x _h always be5 my s]vice & sacrific+ = !m4 ,& n[1 :5 x 0 my turn to look = "s assi/ance 9 my extreme oppression--:5 only a few words f any "o ( !m w\ld h caus$ ! sun ( ju/ice to %9e on my life--!y /ood by & did n say a ^w 9 my behalf4 ,8 wat*m5 are bl9d3 !y are all ignorant1 !y are all dumb dogs1 !y _c b>k2 sleep+1 ly+ d[n1 lov+ to slumb]4 ,yea1 !y are gre$y dogs :i* c nev] h en\gh1 & !y are %eph]ds t _c und]/&3 !y all look to _! own way1 e "o = 8 ga91 f 8 qu>t]4 ,come ye1 say !y1 ,i w fet* w9e1 & we w fill ourselves ) /rong dr9k2 & tomorr[ %all be z ?is day1 & mu* m abundant4 7,isaiah1 #ef3aj1ab47 ,9 all my attempts = r$ress1 ! only ^w ( enc\ragem5t ,i _h receiv$ 0 f ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie1 :o _h said t he might be able to d some?+ = me lat]4 ,b1 z = ! pres5t1 ,i c\ld cle>ly see t no?+ c\ld be done1 except = me to reconcile myself to my removal & g4 ,rememb]1 de> read]1 t ,i _h s]v$ eighte5 ye>s at ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 & x _h become z a home to me4 ,n only _h eighte5 ye>s ( my s]vice be5 utiliz$ 9 build+ ?is in/itution1 b ,i _h sold hundr$s & hundr$s ( little c>ds to my fri5ds & pati5ts = five c5ts ea*1 ea* c>d repres5t+ a brick 9 ! build+4 ,m ?an t1 ,i lov$ ! "w & _h made hundr$s ( fri5ds f e "p ( ,oregon1 adm9i/]+ to !m 9 sickness4 ,b lay+ all ^! ?+s aside1 ,i want$ to g & h x ov] )4 ,s ,i pack$ ! wreck ( a trunk t 0 assign$ to me ) :at few belong+s ,i _h1 /eal+ 9 a few =bidd5 books & pictures4 ,9 all cases ( removals ( si/]s1 ! sup]ior is suppos$ to exam9e ! trunk1 b = "s reason1 unkn[n to me1 ! sup]ior did n exam9e m9e1 s ,i succe$$ 9 keep+ a great _m little articles :i* o!rwise ,i w\ld n h4 ,dur+ ! la/ two days1 ,i avoid$ meet+ ev]yone possible = ! f9al adieu1 z ! despotic & un-,*ri/ian mann] ( my removal 0 too s5sibly pres5t to me4 ,! fri5ds ,i did meet express$ great sympa?y = me & (t5 !re 0 bitt]ness ( te>s f bo? ( u4 ,"o ( ! lead+ physicians ( ! /aff halt$ me ne> ! ma9 (fice1 & 9 ! pres5ce ( ,si/] ,rita1 told me t x 0 crim9al to me aft] ! ye>s ( s]vice to t in/itution & at my ye>s & poor heal?4 ,he said t x 0 he>tless & mo/ un-,*ri/ian treatm5t4 ,?is little spee* caus$ me to ?9k diff]5tly ( ,prote/ants ?an ,i _h 9 ! pa/--t 9 ! end ,i w\ld r g to ! ,prote/ant heav5 ?an to ev] aga9 meet "s ( ^! holy fa!rs & religi\s sa9ts4 ,on ,july #bf?1 ,i left = ,cranbrook 9 company ) ,"m ,naz>e?4 ,on leav+ ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 ,i plac$ my arm ov] my eyes s t ,i c\ld n see ! si/]s1 or o!r fri5ds1 or ev5 ! build+ :]e ,i _h liv$ s long4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ ( _m long1 sad1 sorr[ful days = me4 ,we arriv$ at our de/9ation on ,july #bh?1 at "o o'clock 9 ! morn+4 ,! in/itution :i* 0 to be my new home1 0 a small hospital1 :i* c\ld accommodate ab\t sixty pati5ts4 ,! next morn+1 ,"m ,naz>e? & my new sup]ior1 ,si/] ,m>y ,v9c5t1 assign$ me to my new "w4 ,i 0 to s]ve 9 ! d9+-rooms--includ+ ! prie/'s--wa% di%es1 take c>e ( ! halls1 ! si/]'s community room & ! prie/'s ap>tm5t1 & to d ! "w t w\ld be necess>y 9 & ab\t ! build+4 ,!n1 to make ev]y?+ m pleas+ = me1 !y told me t 9 ! ne> future ,i c\ld g begg+ z ,i _h done 9 my y\ng] ye>s4 ,to ?is1 ,i told !m t ,i w\ld g1 provid+ t ,i c\ld be home e night1 z ,i did n ?9k ,i 0 physically able to be out nights z ,i _h 9 ye>s pa/4 ,?is 0 all = ! b5efit ( my heal?1 & ?is same ,"m ,naz>e?1 :o 0 help+ ! sup]ior assign me to my "w1 0 ! "o t told me ! *ange 0 = t purpose4 ,aft] ye>s ( /ruggle & conv5t slav]y1 endeavor+ to make myself effici5t 9 nurs+1 ?is ! rew>d4 ,if ,i _h n be5 /rong & robu/1 ,i c\ld nev] h la/$ z long z ,i _h4 ,! av]age girl 9 ?is drudg]y goes ye>s be=e %e rea*es ! age ,i 0 at t "t4 ,b ! ye>s ( gr9d & conf9em5t _h begun to tell on me1 & ! heads ( ! in/itution--sly old foxes--c\ld see x2 s ,i _h to g4 ,au?ority intoxicates1 ,& makes m]e sots ( magi/rates2 ,! fumes ( x invade ! bra91 ,& make m5 giddy1 pr\d & va92 ,by ?is ! fool comm&s ! wise1 ,! noble ) ! base complies1 ,! sot assumes ! rule ( wit1 ,& c[>ds make ! brave submit4 --,butl]4 ,,*apt] ,,xi4 ,,two ,,int]e/+ ,,lett]s ,,f ,,si/]s--,,my ,,lett]s ,,= ,,r$ress ,,to ,,ar*bi%op ,,*ri/ie4 ,i 0 n[ p]mitt$ to be on mission ) my own blood si/]1 ,si/] ,cassilda4 ,aft] hav+ be5 e/rang$ & poison$ 9 m9d aga9/ me by ! sy/em = ov] tw5ty ye>s1 %e 0 to be an example = mak+ me a good religi\s4 ,&1 poor girl1 %e sure en\gh 0 a good example ( ! products ( ! ,roman conv5t sy/em4 ,%e _h be5 on ,indian mission ne>ly all ( h] si/]hood life4 ,= five ye>s1 )\t ev] see+ civilization1 %e 0 kept at ! ,blackfoot ,indian ,mission1 9 ,alta ,t]ritory1 ,b4 ,c4 ,i rememb] once :5 %e came to ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton1 = h] retreat1 ! poor1 de> girl look$ z primitive z ! ,am]ican natives %e _h be5 tak+ c>e (4 ,h] s5sibilities 7 dull$ f ! long practice ( mortification & ! endurance ( t]rible h>d%ips4 ,%e did n realize x1 b %e 0 v]ily an object ( pity4 ,oh1 h[ sorry ,i felt1 to h my si/] !re ) me1 & yet no si/] to talk to1 ow+ to ! m\ld+ & %ap+ we _h und]gone by ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,ev5 ?\gh %e _h nev] _h any previ\s exp]i5ce 9 c>+ = ! sick1 %e 01 at ! "t ,i w5t to ,cranbrook1 assi/ant sup]ior ( ! hospital !re4 ,& aft] all ! ye>s ,i _h s]v$ 9 nurs+1 ,i 0 "u h] direction4 ,a %ort "t aft] my arrival at my new mission ,i receiv$ a lett] f my de> fri5d1 ,si/] ,rita1 z foll[s3 ,de> ,lucretia3 ,ano!r *ange4 ,n[ !y say ,m]e ,g5]al 7,"m ,g5]al7 int5ds leav+ = y\r place ,?ursday ! #aj? 7,augu/ #aj?74 ,i am n /eal+ y\r lett] out1 z ,i read x to ,"m ,naz>e?1 also to ,si/] ,alex&]1 !n told !m t ,i want$ to see t x got (f4 ,y ne$ y\r reputation & ,i w\ld make !m prove ! lies4 ,y 7 mission$ ?r\gh reports ( companions :o 7 out ( _! rule = n w>n+ y fir/4 ,!n1 sup]iors h _! rule4 ,y h obey$4 ,n[ y sift ! matt]1 ?\gh /ay 9 ! community & make !m take good c>e ( y4 ,t is only fair & j be=e ,god & man4 ,:5 !y make use ( religion to cov] dirty politics x is "t to make !m face x4 ,y may %[ ?is to ,"m ,g5]al or anybody else4 ,) love1 f ,,rita4 ,ano!r lett] ,i receiv$ f ,si/] ,m>y ,w9ifr$1 ab\t ?is "t1 w expla9 itself3 ,provid5ce ,academy1 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%4 ,augu/ #ac1 #aiaa4 ,de> ,si/] ,lucretia3 ,la/ week ,i sp5t a few days 9 ,portl& & x is ne$less to say t ,i miss$ y v mu*1 z d all y\r fri5ds !re4 ,f conv]sations at recreation ,i und]/& t y\r *ange 0 made d\bly pa9ful by false *>ges4 ,y h my he>tfelt sympa?y 9 ?is1 = ,i h exp]i5c$ t pa9ful ordeal1 & ,i say ,god help ^? :o mu/ g ?r\gh x4 ,let me say to y :at de> ,fa!r ,s*ram said to me1 ,be ?ankful t y are ! accus$ r ?an ! accus]4 ,i w\ld r be 9 y\r place ?an !irs4 ,x is only a matt] ( "t2 ju/ice w ass]t itself 9 spite ( all human p[]4 ,y\r sorr[ w be turn$ into joy4 ,be brave1 de> si/]1 ?is w all be right$4 ,!re are "s h>d ?+s 9 religi\s life4 ,god kn[s :y6 ,! words ( our de> ,"l1 ,= :i* ( my favors w\ld y /one me1 mu/ come to ! m9d ( "s religi\s (t5 dur+ life4 ,n[1 de> si/]1 ,i mu/ close4 ,believe me 9 union ( pray] & suff]+4 ,y\rs ev]1 ,,si/] ,m4 ,,w9ifr$4 ,"m ,g5]al ,julian visit$ ,cranbrook on ,augu/ #ac1 #aiaa1 & ,i endeavor$ to h h] "r matt]s1 b to no avail4 ,s ,i decid$ to write my compla9ts to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie ( ,portl&4 ,^! lett]s also expla9 ! mo/ important po9ts ( ! visit ( ,"m ,g5]al ,julian ( ,augu/ #ac?4 ,/4 ,eug5e ,hospital1 ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 ,augu/ #ag1 #aiaa4 ,mo/ ,rev]5d ,a4 ,*ri/ie1 ,d4,d41 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,v ,de> ,bi%op3 ,i am n[ "h ?ree weeks lack+ "o day2 ne$less to say t ,i h n be5 feel+ v well1 = 9 ! mann] ,i _h to take my dismissal f ,/4 ,v9c5t's & move out to mission1 ,i d n ?9k x h>dly possible = me to feel extra good1 ei!r m5tally or physically1 unless "o 0 made ( ca/-iron4 ,y\r ,grace1 ,i hate to tr\ble y2 ,i "k y mu/ h en\gh c>e on y\r m9d & heavy responsibilities4 ,nev]!less1 ,i beg y to li/5 to me a little :ile4 ,i feel x an awful /ra9 ^u my m9d & weight ^u my he>t to h to submit to s mu* d[nright cruelty & inju/ice4 ,p[] made use ( to take advantage ( o!rs4 ,my removal 0 prompt$ ?r\gh ambition & jeal\sy4 ,i 0 too successful & well lik$1 & no means c\ld be f\nd to break my influ5ce except by tak+ advantage ( my sacr$ v[ ( ob$i5ce to get me out ( _! way4 ,n[ :at is ?is b mak+ use ( religion to play dirty politics8 ,?is *ange 0 br\ght ab\t ov] my prov9cial's head4 ,our rule says reports are to g to ! prov9cial & %e is to make ! *ange or report = su* to high] au?ority4 ,9 ! visit ( our ,"m ,g5]al "h1 ,augu/ #ac1 #aiaa1 ,i told h] ,i 0 n satisfi$ nor at peace 9 ! s]vice ( ,god ab\t ! way ,i _h be5 *ang$1 because ,i _h to feel too ke5ly t x 0 z a puni%m5t influ5c$ by reports4 ,%e !n said t %e might h be5 influ5c$ & talk$ to ! effect t %e _h all "r to make any *ange1 :atev] ! reasons 74 ,%e said t %e _h reports & t %e did n ne$ to tell me :]e !y came f or :at !y 74 ,i said t if %e expect$ me to correct myself = :at 0 report$ aga9/ me1 ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld be told4 ,%e insi/$ t ,i _h be5 told4 ,i said ! only ?+ ,i _h be5 told1 ! "o & only *>ge y already made c\nsel+ a "y si/] to leave ! community1 :i* ,i positively d5i$ & said t ,i might ask an inve/igation4 ,moreov]1 y _h ?is aga9/ me be=e y 7 9 (fice & ,i did n believe y c\ld use x aga9/ me1 ev5 7 x true4 ,is x n conv5i5t to get into p[] & take advantage ( ano!r = all reports & rem>ks ev] he>d ab\t y1 ye>s be=e !y knew y8 ,:5 ,i spoke ( inve/igation1 %e said t %e did n say t ,i 0 n tell+ ! tru? 9 d5y+ ! *>ge %e made4 ,i answ]$ t x 0 easy to say t n[1 b ! mis*ief 0 done2 t ,i 0 ?r[n out ( ! occupation ,i work$ s v h>d to become effici5t & useful 91 & t ,i did n feel t x %\ld be requir$ ( me to beg9 ov] z if ,i 0 tw5ty or tw5ty-five1 nei!r did ,i ?9k x 0 requir$ ( me to m\ld myself ov] accord+ to e new sup]ior's individual ways ( ?9k+ & lik+1 nor to run & jump ab\t my "w l a "y soldi] on picket duty4 ,i don't claim p]fection or sanctity1 simply do+ ! be/ ,i "k h[1 & at ! same "t try+ to make ! mo/ ( myself1 becom+ a dec5t human be+ & ,si/] ( ,*>ity4 ,if ,i did n appe> religi\s en\gh to please e si/] t kn[s or he>s ( me1 ,i c\ld n help x4 ,if ,i did good "w & behav$ myself 9 accordance ) our rules & con/itution1 ,i ?\ght ?is 0 a good deal to be tak5 into acc\nt2 & t ,i did n ?9k t "o %\ld be s easily trifl$ ) & annoy$ to desp]ation ov] faults & imp]fections t we are all1 m or less1 subject to1 & = me to be treat$ l ?is 0 injuri\s to my m9d & heal?4 ,%e 7,"m ,g5]al7 said ?is 0 a nice place = me1 & ,i did n ne$ to "w if ,i did n feel well1 & t ,i c\ld d ! same "w ,i _h done be=e if ,i want$ to d x & resign myself4 ,?is is ! k9d ( r$ress we h1 ,y\r ,grace4 ,!y c ev5 disp5se ! subject f any or all activity :5 x c\ld mean torm5t to "s "o 9 _! black book4 ,i told h] ,i want$ to f9d out if ! *ur* _h no?+ to say conc]n+ ^! matt]s1 & also ! way ,i _h be5 remov$ f (fice1 )\t "o bit ( consid]ation1 ei!r = my ye>s ( s]vice 9 ! community1 :i* ,i ?\ght 0 *ur* s]vice1 or my ability or exp]i5ce4 ,x made no diff]5ce 9 ! lea/ h[ ,i felt1 or :at x _h co/ me to fit myself = my "w4 ,all t seem$ requir$ on _! "p 0 to %[ me & give me to und]/& t ,i 0 n ne$$ or want$ any long]4 ,dismissal 9 a he>tless mann] f ! "w 9 :i* ,i h suff]$ all sorts ( inconv5i5ces1 wret*$ trials due to n>r[ness1 :i* ,i c\ld enum]ate to y1 b w\ld be too l5g?y to write4 ,god alone kn[s ! circum/ances "u :i* ,i _h to le>n my lessons to fit myself = ! "w ,i did & manag$4 ,i _h to be ord]ly1 diet-cook1 di%-wa%]1 scrub-woman1 pa9t]1 seam/ress1 acc\nt-keep]1 collector--also take names & hi/ory ( ! pati5ts1 nurse & ov]see+ o!r nurses' "w--^! & o!r ?+s h be5 my daily r\nd ( duties4 ,nice "t ( ! day & ye>s ( my life = my sup]iors to say to my face t !y h no fault to f9d ) my "w & none ( "*1 & at ! same "t to d :at !y h done 9 ! "n ( good "u cov] ( religion1 claim+ all "r because au?ority is !irs4 ,mu/ unfit & unscrupul\s ones be left to h _! own way entirely8 ,has ju/ice no weight or mean+ 9 ! gov]nm5t ( *ur* organizations8 ,does x seem fair to take "o away f a "w t %e kn[s well & gave satisfaction1 )\t giv+ "o a s+le reason1 & put beg9n]s 9 h] place & s5d ! exp]i5c$ "o :]e beg9n]s ought to />t f8 ,if ,i 7 ev5 ne$$ "h6 ,x really seems z if pleasure _h to be tak5 9 see+ h[ f> "o c\ld be driv54 ,x is madd5+ = ! victim :o has to /& x4 ,i c\ld n h ! good w ,i ought to h1 ^! ?+s embitt] "o & 9 consci5ce ,i _c hold myself acc\ntable be=e ,god4 ,x is disc\rag+ & *ecks ! bett] feel+s1 desires & ef=ts 9 do+ _! be/1 & 9 "t ! result w be call\sness1 indiff]5ce & unfitness = any good :atev]4 ,?is way ( do+ is apply+ ! sy/em ( au?ority 9 ! old accu/om$ way :5 !y want to make a human ma*9e ( "o--is to deprive !m ( all *ances ( int]e/ 9 life1 ! f9al result is b\nd to be physical & m5tal break-d[n or n]v\s wreck--z ,i h se5 x too _m times1 un=tunately4 ,go+ ?r\gh ?is process a numb] ( times hurries our si/]s to "s cemet]y or asylum4 ,y\r ,grace1 ,i feel to ask an inve/igation unless ,i c be giv5 assurance t ,i %all be re9/at$ 9 my =m] "w & h my "n re/or$4 ,our sup]iors claim t ev5 an ,ar*bi%op has no?+ to say 9 ^! matt]s 9 an ord] gov]n$ by a ,"m ,g5]al4 ,t w\ld be news to me4 ,i ?\ght he 0 our fir/ ecclesia/ical head ( *ur* affairs 9 8 doma94 ,i "k 9 ,canada ! ,"m ,g5]al is n ov] ,ar*bi%op ,bru*asie4 ,!re might be a big diff]5ce 9 ! ,/ates1 probably 9 ! ,we/4 ,y\r ,grace1 ,i am sorry & humiliat$ to h to tr\ble y 9 ?is unpleasant mann] ab\t s mu* awful disagreeabl5ess1 b ,i c\ld n endure x )\t do+ my utmo/ to get su* unfairness right$4 ,i _c tell y 9 words h[ mu* ,i appreciate kn[+ y z ,i d1 & t ,i feel p]fectly at home 9 address+ myself to y dur+ ?is "t ( difficulties4 ,i hope & pray t y\r heal? rema9s good1 ,y\r ,grace4 ,await+ an answ]1 ) mu* e/eem & v be/ reg>ds1 ,y\rs s9c]ely & respectfully1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,lett] ,no4 #b3 ,/4 ,eug5e ,hospital1 ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 ,augu/ #bh1 #aiaa4 ,v de> ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie3 ,y\r ,grace1 ! l>ge lett] enclos$ 9 ?is envelope1 dat$ ,augu/ #ag?1 ,i int5d$ to s5d at ! "t1 & aft] ,i _h writt5 x1 ,i ?\ght x 0 bett] = me to come to ,portl& & see y1 z "s matt]s 9 x might require fur!r explanation ?an ,i c\ld express 9 writ+1 because ,i want$ y to "k ! true /ate ( ?+s1 & = fe> t ,i might induce y to d any?+ ra% 9 reg>d to me1 ,i ?\ght x bett] to br+ ! lett] myself4 ,:5 ,"m ,g5]al 0 "h on ,augu/ #ac1 #aiaa1 ,i told h] t ,i might ask an inve/igation4 ,%e said x 0 alright1 t ,i c\ld d s if ,i want$ to4 ,i suppos$ t ?is includ$ my p]mission to come & see y :5 ,i decid$ to d s--if ,i ne$$ p]mission f ! less] au?ority to speak to ! high]4 ,i _h told ,"m ,naz>e? t ,i want$ to g to ,portl& to see my high] sup]ior on a matt] ( consci5ce4 ,augu/ #bf?1 la/ ,saturday1 ,i ask$ h] = h] pass or transportation to ,portl&4 ,%e said h] pass 0 9 ,portl& & t %e w\ld s5d = x & t x w\ld be "h by ,w$nesday4 ,in/ead ( t %e communicat$ ) our ,"m ,g5]al1 ?is morn+ %e told me s1 & t nei!r ,"m ,g5]al nor %e c\ld give me p]mission or money to g to ,portl&4 ,i 0 frank ) ,"m ,naz>e? :5 %e spoke ( money2 ,i said ,i c\ld wait a few days = ! pass4 ,i _c und]/& :y ?is deception4 ,i d n feel good ov] x1 aft] tell+ h] t ,i _h ,"m ,g5]al's cons5t = :at ,i 0 to d4 ,our p are afraid to make "o move )\t ,canada4 ,i d n suppose f ?is transaction t ,"m ,naz>e? gave ,"m ,g5]al an agreeable acc\nt ( me s9ce ,i am "h4 ,illu/ration3 ,mo/ ,rev]5d ,alex&] ,*ri/ie1 ,d4,d41 ,ar*bi%op ( ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,i am hav+ a mu* begrudg$ vacation4 ,i am n any pr(it to ! community j n[1 hav+ be5 sick & unable to "w = a few weeks4 ,h[ c\ld ,i be o!rwise1 or anyone else ) a gra9 ( s5se or feel+1 ,i _c d ?+s slip%od or by halves4 ,outside ( my trip ,ea/1 ,i _c recollect ( ev] hav+ _h m ?an p]haps a c\ple ( days cessation f h>d "w 9 all my ?irty ye>s ( community life--)\t speak+ ( vacation1 :i* ,i nev] d>$ to ask =1 feel+ sure ( puni%m5t ( "s sort to foll[ if ,i did4 ,"m ,naz>e? quot$ ,"m ,g5]al z say+ to me1 ,!re 0 "w "h if ,i want$ to d x1 & %e add$1 ,:at 0 good en\gh = ! si/]s "h 0 good en\gh = me4 ,i told h] ,yes1 :at 0 good en\gh = ! si/]s "h 0 good en\gh = me1 & x 0 n b5ea? me at all to d :at ! si/]s "h did1 b x 0 out ( ! "q & ,i d n wi% to discuss x1 z x is useless4 ,y see !y h det]m9$ toge!r--our p hav+ yield$ to ,canadian todi]s--to %[ me t ,i am to take 9 sil5ce z mu*1 or z little1 z x is !irs to dem&4 ,x belongs absolutely to !m to subdue me 9 :atev] way !y please1 to make me see & accept z "r ! "o & only way !y see x1 & tak+ ^u !mselves to refuse me ! "r ( speak+ to our own ar*bi%op4 ,?is is "o ( ! reasons :y ,i am out ( ,portl&4 ,!y are uneasy z :at ,i may say to y4 ,!y _c see x 9 any o!r light ?an t ,i am tell+ wrong ?+s & hav+ a bad influ5ce1 h5ce x is bett] = me to be :]e !re w be no su* occasion4 ,:at a %ame to h to talk ( su* n>r[1 *ildi% treatm5t & small ?+s1 b1 tru?s j ! same :i* c make "o's life v h>d to live4 ,i also enclose a %ort lett] f ,"m ,wilfrid1 "o ( our ,we/]n si/]s ,g5]al ,assi/ant ,c\ncilor4 ,lett] dat$ ,febru>y #aa1 #aiaj1 :i* is only a little ov] a ye> ago n[4 ,i f\nd x among/ my ?+s aft] my lett] dat$ ,augu/ #ag1 #aiaa1 0 writt54 ,i _c make use ( x4 ,x w %[ t ,i am n imag9+ ?+s s t]ribly 9 m9d1 & x is positive pro( t ,i am h&l$ on reports1 ! nature ( :i* & ! numb]s ( ye>s 9 ga!r+ ,i am n p]mitt$ to "k4 ,!y h ! advantage ( me by my v[ ( ob$i5ce4 ,y\r ,grace1 ,i leave ev]y?+ to y\r wisdom & discretion4 ,i d n want y to d any?+ ha/y or by p]suasion1 :i* might be regrettable1 ?\gh ,i d ?9k !y ne$ to be taught ! lesson t !y are n ,god ,almighty1 ev5 ?\gh p[] be entru/$ !m4 ,i d n say on ! m9ute--b 9 y\r own good "t & judgm5t4 ,"m ,naz>e? is t]ribly fright5$1 & says ,i w regret go+ to y4 ,our p's talk is t ,ar*bi%op ,bru*asie is ! only ecclesia/ical head above our sup]iors4 ,x is t ) !m1 or p9e away out ( life seems to be ! only alt]native p]missible4 ,i c\ld address myself to him & !n be ord]$ to g & sit 9 "s d>k corn] 9 ,montreal ! rema9d] ( my days1 l poor ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t is do+1 & l sickly ,si/] ,gabriel 0 told t ! %]iff w\ld be call$ to take h] to ,montreal if %e w\ld n g by _! ord]s4 ,y\r ,grace1 x is a com=t & a miracle to me to be able to tell ^! ?+s to y1 because ,i "k t y c h mu* good come out ( all x n[1 & m = ! future si/]s ( ! c\ntry4 ,i am sorry to h to bo!r y4 ,"m ,g5]al did rem>k to me "h :5 ,i told h] t ,i did n feel "r ab\t ! way ?is _h be5 done to me1 t x might n be = long4 ,y\r ,grace1 ,i w pray e day t ,god w bless y ) good heal? & success1 & t y w be ) u _m ye>s to come4 ,await+ an answ]1 ,i rema91 ,y\rs devot$ly & respectfully1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,^! ?ree lett]s 7"o f ,"m ,wilfrid to me7 7 enclos$ 9 "o envelope & s5t to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie by regi/]$ mail4 ,,*apt] ,,xii ,,my ,,emancipation4 ,! _m1 long1 dre>y days ( susp5se t foll[$ await+ a reply f ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie 7 surely days ( indescribable p5ance4 ,no "o = a confid5t b myself1 & my ?\ghts s p5t up )9 me t ,i _h to contrive "s means ( relief4 ,my he>t 0 cru%$ & brok54 ,! suppression ( my feel+s & ! burn+ s5sation ( ! physical pa9 ,i _h to endure 9 ! awful conflict ( s\l & body 7 almo/ unbe>able4 ,i took advantage ( ! only rem$y )9 ?is ,roman h\se ( correction4 ,i w\ld g to ! g>ret1 :i* 0 ! nurses' dormitory1 & hold+ my g>b up s t ,i c\ld move freely1 ,i w\ld pace ! floor1 hundr$s ( times1 exhau/+1 s to speak1 ! surplus en]gy caus$ by ! unrighte\s indignation4 ,&1 at ! same "t1 pray+ 9 my simple way to ! sa9ts = light z to ! next /ep to take4 ,dur+ ! late h\rs ( ! sleepless nights1 ) ! heavy burd5 ( my tr\bles on my m9d1 ,i w\ld walk ! floor ( my little room 7ab\t t5 feet squ>e7 l "s cag$ animal pac+ 8 d5 9 que/ ( lib]ty4 ,at ! holiday season ,i wrote a %ort lett] to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie1 wi%+ him ! greet+s ( ! season1 to :i* ,i receiv$ ! foll[+ reply3 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,janu>y #b1 #aiab4 ,de> ,si/]3 ,i ?ank y s9c]ely = y\r k9d ,xmas remembrance4 ,my ,xmas 0 an exce$+ly busy "o4 ,b x br\ght me great consolation4 ,! l>ge numb] ( m5 & wom5 :o receiv$ holy communion 0 mo/ edify+4 ,ask+ ,god to grant y a bless$ ,new ,ye>1 ,i am1 ,s9c]ely 9 ,xto1 ,x ,a4 ,,*ri/ie4 ,x _h be5 ov] f\r mon?s s9ce ,i _h writt5 my lett]s = r$ress to him1 & he nev] once ev5 ackn[l$g$ receipt ( !m1 & 9 ?is lett]1 z y c see1 he nev] once m5tion$ any?+ ab\t !m4 ,9 my depress+ p]plexities1 ,i _h begun to ?9k t !re 0 no su* ?+ z r$ress 9 ! ord]1 & t ! clause 9 my book ( rule1 ! "r to apply to high ecclesia/ical au?ority1 0 a bl9d & a f>ce1 z 0 ! tea*+ ( fa!rly k9dness4 ,z my eyes op5$ ,i realiz$ t ,i might z well try to te> d[n ! mighty /one walls ( ! ,rocky ,m\nta9s1 :i* ,i c\ld behold daily1 z to move ! ,roman ,ca?olic religi\s ma*9e to int]e/ itself 9 right+ wrongs = a si/] 9 ! community4 ,!re 0 no?+ = me to d b live on & take :atev] wrongs ! sy/em 0 pleas$ to mete out to me to ! end ( my days1 or to play ! hypocrite = a few ye>s1 wait+ = some?+ bett]1 if ^? 9 au?ority saw fit to give me a *ange4 ,i %\ld h _h ! same privilege ( receiv+ & s5d+ mail 9 ,canada z o!r ,am]ican citiz5s are accord$1 b n s4 ,! sy/em1 z x always does1 dem&$ & delegat$ to itself ! "r to scrut9ize all mail s5t or receiv$ by its subjects4 ,s1 9 ord] t ,i might s5d & receive lett]s deal+ ) subjects o!r ?an ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion & conv5t1 ,i _h to ga9 ! confid5ce ( a secul> & receive my mail outside ! conv5t4 ,i _h writt5 to a fri5d 9 ,spokane1 ,wa%+ton1 ,mrs4 ,a4 ,j4 ,ke>ney1 :o 0 a graduat$ nurse f ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 tell+ h] ( my tr\ble & t ,i 0 contemplat+ leav+ ! ord]1 z ,i 0 at la/ satisfi$ 9 my own m9d t ?is 0 ! only /ep to take4 ,i receiv$ an enc\rag+ reply & wrote aga91 plann+ fur!r4 ,9 ! meantime1 ,i cont9u$ my nov5as to ! ,bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y1 ,/4 ,an?ony & ,/4 ,joseph1 9 he>t-break+ sorr[ & te>s--pray+ = enlight5m5t1 z ,i _h be5 do+ = weeks & mon?s4 ,9 all e>ne/ness & s9c]ity ,i 0 b[+1 scrap+1 kneel+1 plead+ to ! images1 ! /atues & ! f\rte5 /ations ( ! cross4 ,at la/1 aft] s long a "t1 x came to me z if a ?und]bolt _h come f ,heav51 t ^! /atues & images & relics c\ld d me no good4 ,!y 7 all clay & mat]ial4 ,:at ,i ne$$ 0 some?+ div9e1 b aft] liv+ :at ,i _h liv$1 ,i 0 n[ ready to believe 9 no?+4 ,i ?\ght t if ,god 0 a j ,god1 ,he c\ld n & w\ld n p]mit su* oppression & cruelties & inju/ices to be p]petrat$ 9 ! "n ( ,*ri/ian religion & 9 ,8 "n4 ,i decid$ t if !re 0 a ,god :o 0 ! ,creator ( heav5 & e>? & all ?+s !re91 ,he w\ld surely he> me if ,i w\ld p\r out my he>t to ,him4 ,s ,i fell ^u my knees & pray$ z ,i _h nev] pray$ be=e--n to ,/4 ,an?ony1 n to ,/4 ,joseph1 n to ,/4 ,v9c5t de ,paul1 no1 n ev5 to ! ,bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y or any o!r sa9t1 b to ,god ,almighty1 ask+ ,him to %[ me ! light & "r2 t if :at ,i am liv+ is "r1 give me /r5g? & c\rage to live x & endure x to ! end1 & ,i w try to believe x4 ,b1 ,o1 ,god6 if x is n "r1 %[ me ! "r t ,i may d ,?y w2 be ,?\ my help] n[ & =ev]1 & ,i left my future 9 ,8 h&s1 cont9u+ to ask ,8 help & guidance ea* day4 ,i _h be5 suff]+ = sev]al mon?s f eye tr\ble1 caus$ by ! excessive cold temp]ature1 x be+ su* a decid$ *ange f :at ,i _h be5 accu/om$ to = s _m ye>s4 ,i 0 be+ treat$ by ! gov]nm5t physician1 b ,i us$ ! tr\ble z a pretext to get p]mission f ,"m ,naz>e?1 :o 0 9 ,portl&1 to g to ,spokane to obta9 ! s]vices ( a speciali/4 ,! real reason = :i* ,i wi%$ to g to ,spokane 0 to see ,mrs4 ,ke>ney & make ! f9al arrangem5ts = my leav+ ! community4 ,ab\t ,m>* #aj1 #aiab1 ,i w5t to ,spokane4 ,dur+ my ?ree weeks !re ,i /opp$ at ! ,sacr$ ,he>t ,hospital4 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney 0 fri5dly to ! si/]s ( ! hospital1 s ,i _h h] accompany me to ! (fice ( ,dr4 ,hopk9s1 :o 0 treat+ me4 ,9 t mann]1 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney & ,i _h ample "t to talk & p]fect ! plans = my emancipation f ! ev]la/+ dem&s ( ,rome4 ,:5 ! "t came1 ,i c\ld n reconcile myself fully to ! ?\ght ( leav+4 ,my *ildhood & novitiate tea*+ ( ! t]rible s9s ( ! outside _w w\ld come to my m9d1 & ,i w\ld !n ?9k t ,i c\ld nev] leave ! conv5t4 ,! f9al te/ came two days be=e ,i left ,spokane = my return trip to ,cranbrook4 ,i conclud$ t ,i c\ld n get worse treatm5t 9 ! _w ?an ,i _h receiv$ 9 ! community2 t ,i w\ld n h to "w any h>d] 9 ! _w ?an ,i _h = ne>ly ?irty-"o ye>s = ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em2 t ,i w\ld n h to live a m abas+ or humiliat+ life 9 ! _w ?an ,i _h be5 subject$ to1 by s]v+ ! meane/ despotism ( gov]nm5t2 & ,i realiz$ t dea? 0 pref]able & a ?\s& times m honorable ?an to rema9 liv+ 9 ?is sort ( inju/ice4 ,i lov$ ! "n ,si/] ( ,*>ity1 b ,i knew ,i c\ld no long] be a real ,si/] ( ,*>ity "u ! cruel1 oppressive1 au?oritative guidance ,i _h endur$ = s _m ye>s4 ,i knew t ,i c\ld be a bett] ,si/] ( ,*>ity 9 ! _w ?an ,i c\ld "u ! dictation ( ! ,pope or 8 repres5tatives4 ,on ,april #b;d1 ,i return$ to ,cranbrook to get my few belong+s & to sp5d a few days ) my si/] be=e mak+ ! *ange4 ,my he>t 0 s fill$ ) :at ,i _h plann$1 t ,i c\ld n refra9 f tell+ h] almo/ z soon z ,i arriv$ f ,spokane4 ,:5 ,i told h] ( my decision to leave ! ord]1 nei!r ( u c\ld re/ra9 our feel+s & x 0 a day ( te>s & sorr[4 ,we c\ld nei!r eat nor talk4 ,s 9 ! ev5+ ,i told h] t ,i _h int5d$ to sp5d sev]al days ) h] be=e go+1 b z x w\ld d nei!r ( u any p>ticul> good1 only caus+ grief1 sorr[1 & 9 ! end probably n]v\s pro/ration1 ,i _h decid$ to leave on ! next tra91 :i* 0 on ! foll[+ aft]noon4 ,! next morn+ ,i pack$ my trunk1 !n call$ my si/] to my room & ask$ h] to read two lett]s :i* ,i _h writt5 :ile 9 ,spokane1 except+ = ! date1 "o to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie & "o to ,"m ,naz>e?4 ,i told h] t ! au?orities & si/]s ( ! ord] w\ld come to h] ) all k9ds ( reports 9 reg>d to my leav+1 & t ,i want$ h] to read ! lett]s s %e w\ld "k = h]self my reasons = leav+4 ,%e read !m & !n said1 ,y w regret ?is4 ,i simply repli$1 ,i _c h m regrets ?an ,i h "h4 ,i _h my trunk tak5 to ! railroad /ation1 & aft] lun*1 9 company ( my si/]1 ,i w5t to ! po/ (fice :]e ,i mail$ ! two lett]s1 s5d+ !m by regi/]$ mail4 ,!n we w5t to ! /ation & 9 a v few m9utes ! tra9 arriv$ t 0 to take me f a d>kness to light & lib]ty t ,i _h no conception ( at t "t4 ,at #b3ae ,i bo>d$ ! tra9 & left my poor1 delud$ si/] /&+ !re alone1 until ! tra9 />t$1 & !n wat*$ h] walk sl[ly t[>d ! hospital1 until ,i 0 c>ri$ f h] view4 ,dur+ ?is la/ visit to ,cranbrook1 my si/] 0 9 au?ority at ! hospital1 ! si/] sup]ior1 ,si/] ,m>y ,v9c5t1 be+ away on retreat4 ,?is ,i did n "k until ,i arriv$ f ,spokane1 b x w\ld h be5 j ! same if ! sup]ior w\ld h be5 !re1 z ,i _h made up my m9d to leave4 ,my la/ lett] writt5 to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie1 z ,si/] ,lucretia1 0 z foll[s3 ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c4 ,/4 ,eug5e ,hospital1 ,april #c1 #aiab4 ,mo/ ,rev]5d ,a4 ,*ri/ie1 ,d4,d41 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,v ,de> ,bi%op3 ,i h n[ _h my situation be=e my eyes & pres5t to my m9d ! pa/ eight mon?s4 ,i _c reconcile myself to live ?is puni%m5t exi/5ce out1 z ,i "k o!rs ( my companions are do+ 9 exil$ corn]s ( ?is e>?1 l five-ye>-old *ildr5 :o d>e to speak :5 !y %\ld h be5 only se54 ,really1 ?is sort ( treatm5t is equal to lock+ a gr[n woman advanc$ 9 ye>s up 9 a closet z a *ild = misbehavior4 ,! only diff]5ce ! p>5t w\ld tell ! *ild :at its puni%m5t 0 =1 :ile ! woman 9 my case is n to be giv5 a reason1 except "o false report by my high] sup]ior1 :i* %e he>d & held aga9/ me ye>s be=e %e knew me or 0 9 au?ority1 to knock me z %e did %ortly aft] %e 0 9 (fice4 ,! mission ,i 0 s5t to 0 alright z f> z mission goes1 b ,i w nev] believe t x 0 alright to me1 "u ! circum/ances4 ,if ?is _h to be done1 ! bl[ might j z well h be5 appli$ ) a little less cruelty4 ,( all ! h\ses our v prosp]\s ord] owns & controls1 ,i _h to g at my ye>s ( life to ?is place enclos$ by sn[y m\nta9s1 ! wea!r temp]ature be+ tw5ty to =ty degrees bel[ z]o ab\t "o-half ! ye>4 ,hav+ always liv$ 9 a w>m climate & n feel+ well1 ,i 0 unable to resi/ ! cold4 ,x caus$ me sy/emic di/urbance & ! consequ5ce 0 eye tr\ble4 ,! gov]nm5t doctor ( ! place said ! cold did x4 ,i _h to miss ,sunday mass f ! fir/ ( ,novemb] to ! fir/ ,sunday 9 ,m>*4 ,i _h to sit ) a blanket ar\nd me ne> a radiator mo/ ( ! w9t] & a com=t] ov] ! w9d[ to keep ! cold out4 ,spl5did rem$y to get "o ov] wret*$ lonel9ess & sorr[--to make "o feel religi\s & grateful = hav+ work$ & sacrific$ ones self ne>ly to ! end ( ones life & !n he> f ^? ov] y1 n[ y c "w if y want to1 & a si/] /ays :]e %e is s5t1 ev5 if %e dies1 & m bold talk ( t k9d4 ,i am n tir$ ( be+ a ,si/] ( ,*>ity1 b ,i am m ?an tir$ liv+ x "u ! conditions t we h to live x4 ,i w nev] be any?+ else at he>t ?an a ,si/] ( ,*>ity2 ,i 0 t f ! age ( fifte51 & ,i w be t to my dy+ day4 ,x takes no?+ %ort ( a tra9$ hypocrite to get along 9 "h4 ,i d n ?9k myself s good or ( su* excell5t wor?--,i lay no claim above be+ an ord9>y p]son1 b if ,i d n h ! _s ( a good religi\s & ,si/] ( ,*>ity1 ,i am sure n s _m ( ^? ,i h liv$ ) h x1 & ,i w\ld h to be puni%$ to dea?1 & !n ,i c\ld n 9 my consci5ce copy ! lead+ or guid+ spirits ,i liv$ ) kn[+ all ,i d f daily practical life & exp]i5ce = ye>s4 ,if :at 0 done to me 9 ?is *ange is ! good _s1 !n ,i h n ! lea/ idea :at good or evil spirits mean4 ,"o ?+ ,i "k x did = me2 ,i h a dreadful horror ( a repetition ( any?+ ( ! k9d & want to remove myself f its possibility4 ,i 0 n only depriv$ ( e "r1 b ( ! lea/ %>e ( int]e/ 9 any "o ?+ 9 ! community4 ,n[ y "k ?is is madd5+ & mo/ cruel & di%e>t5+4 ,?is usage kills ! body & all ones p]sonalities & fitness = any?+4 ,!y h done to me 9 action :at o!rs h be5 told boldly1 9 s _m words1 :5 y are n want$1 get out ( ! way4 ,aft] x is pla9 to see "o is ab\t to ! end ( do+ ! v h>de/ "w1 ! mean+ is1 hurry up & die or get out ( ! ord]4 ,x has all x wants ( y & is n go+ to ne$ y or h any fur!r reg>d = y4 ,i h made up my m9d to leave & d :at ,i c to get a new lease on a home ( "s sort1 because ?is means nei!r home1 occupation1 nor pa/ime to me4 ,i am ask+ ! community two ?\s& doll>s4 ,t w\ld be = my clo?+ & t[>ds gett+ myself situat$ = my support4 ,i _c expect anyone to take me 9 on absolutely no?+ at my ye>s4 ,i am n able to "w l a beg9n]1 b ) t am\nt & ) :at ,i c d1 ,i w arrange to get along ! be/ ,i c4 ,i h be5 ! means ?r\gh my economy & +5uity1 ( mu* m ?an t to ! community1 )\t ! regul> e>n+s ( my s]vices4 ,9 ,canada1 ,i 0 told t our community is pay+ tw5ty doll>s a mon? to "s si/]s t left1 & h be5 do+ t = ye>s4 ,my reque/ does n come to z mu*1 consid]+4 ,i wi% to get ev]y?+ settl$ quietly4 ,i dislike any publicity ab\t x :atev]4 ,z soon z ,i c get x ,i int5d to leave ! c\ntry4 ,i h ask$ disp5sation1 n t ,i int5d to break any ( ,god's comm&m5ts4 ,i _c tell y h[ mu* ,i am pa9$ to h to leave y4 ,i h %$ _m a te> s9ce ,i left ,/4 ,v9c5t's1 & be=e ,i c\ld decide to write ?is lett]4 ,if ,i am to be exil$ f fri5ds1 t w\ld be only additional sorr[1 etc4 ,or1 ev5 if ,i 7 /ation$ :]e y are & _h to feel ! uneas9ess ( "s puni%m5t com+ ^u me = speak+ to my high] sup]iors1 t w\ld n add v mu* to mak+ ?+s agreeable4 ,i appreciate y\r v great & fa!rly k9dness to me1 & ,i w always rememb] y z a v de> fri5d4 ,begg+ a remembrance 9 y\r pray]s1 ,mo/ s9c]ely1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia4 ,p4 ,s4--,i leave "h ?is aft]noon at #b p4m4 ,my address until ?+s are settl$ is #jgjg ,tol$o ,/41 ,spokane1 ,wa%4 ,my lett] to ,"m ,naz>e? 0 z foll[s3 ,/4 ,eug5e ,hospital1 ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 ,april #c1 #aiab4 ,"m ,m4 ,naz>e?1 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,de> ,"m3 ,i h decid$ to leave ! community4 ,w y please see ab\t obta9+ ! disp5sation ( my v[s4 ,i h writt5 to ,8 ,grace ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie4 ,if au?ority is all t is necess>y to con/itute "r1 ,i ?9k ,i c cont9ue to save my s\l bett] else:]e1 z t 0 :at ,i took ^! obligations ^u myself =4 ,i am n tir$ ( be+ a ,si/] ( ,*>ity1 b ,i am m ?an tir$ ( liv+ x ! way we h to d4 ,i did n "k until la/ summ] t ! _s ( a good religi\s & ,si/] ( ,*>ity meant to be ! victim ( evil reports1 & t reports 7 = ! satisfaction ( ! feel+s ( ^? 9 au?ority4 ,i lay no claim to high p]fection1 b ,i _c see virtue or religion 9 be+ tak5 advantage ( z ,i 04 ,i h always tri$ to d my be/1 b at la/ ,i see pla9ly t x is impossible to d en\gh or to sacrifice en\gh4 ,! extreme cold has caus$ me sy/emic di/urbance & ! result is eye tr\ble4 ,! doctor said x 0 ! cold t did x4 ,well1 ,i d n want to ref] to too mu* useless talk4 ,i h made arrangem5ts ) a fri5d ( m9e = a home4 ,b z ,i _c expect anyone to take me 9 on absolutely no?+ at my ye>s1 n be+ able to "w any m l ,i did tw5ty-five ye>s ago1 ,i mu/ h "s little means1 & ,i ask two ?\s& doll>s :i* w\ld be = my clo?+ & t[>ds my support4 ,) t am\nt & ) :at little ,i c d1 ,i w h to manage someh[4 ,i wi% to h ?+s settl$ quietly1 if possible1 z ,i d n c>e to h publicity ab\t ?is affair any m ?an ! community ,i am leav+4 ,i mu/ h "s means to g out on or ,i w\ld n ask any?+4 ,z soon z ,i c get ?is little sum reque/$1 ,i w leave ! c\ntry4 ,begg+ a remembrance 9 y\r pray]s1 & ^? ( ! community & wi%+ ! community & e "o ( ! si/]s ,god's bless+1 ,v s9c]ely & respectfully1 ,,si/] ,,lucretia1 ,s4 ,c4 ,s4 ,p4 ,p4 ,s4--,i leave "h at two p4m4 ,my address1 until ,i get away w be #jgjg ,tol$o ,/41 ,spokane1 ,wa%4 ,if ,i c get ! bus9ess "p settl$ z soon z possible1 ,i c move on4 ,?is same address w =w>d my disp5sation :5ev] x c be s5t to same4 ,humbly y\rs1 ,sr4 ,l4 ,,*apt] ,,xiii4 ,i ,,quit ,,! ,,roman ,,ca?olic ,,*ur*4 ,aft] ,i _h sign$ & s5t ^! two lett]s1 copi$ 9 ! prec$+ *apt]1 to ! ag5ts ( ! ecclesia/ical sy/em1 ,i ?\ght t ,i _h decl>$ ! indep5d5ce ( my p]sonal lib]ty & fre$om4 ,i _h n ! lea/ int5tion ( leav+ ! ,*ur* ( ,rome1 z ,i /ill believ$ t x 0 ! only true *ur*1 outside ( :i* !re 0 no salvation4 ,b be=e _m weeks _h pass$1 conditions s %ap$ !mselves1 ?r\gh ! p]secutions ( ,rome's repres5tatives1 t ,i decid$ t ! lib]ty & fre$om ,i hop$ to h ga9$ by leav+ ! conv5t1 0 n to be f\nd ev5 9 ! *ur*4 ,i arriv$ 9 ,spokane at n9e o'clock on ! ev5+ ( ,april #c1 #aiab1 & w5t direct to ! home ( ,mrs4 ,ke>ney4 ,%e receiv$ me v cordially & we _h a long talk be=e retir+4 ,?is fir/ night 9 ! _w 0 a long1 sleepless "o = me4 ,ev]y?+ seem$ rev]s$1 s to speak1 & my he>t 0 heavy f ! t]rible ordeal ,i _h endur$ = ! la/ two days4 ,! foll[+ morn+1 ,april #d?1 ,i disc>d$ ! burd5some g>b1 t great load ( black s]ge1 & donn$ a l>ge-fl[]$ kimona1 ! only o!r clo!s ,i _h1 & ?is 0 giv5 me4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ day s9ce ,july #cj?1 #ahha1 t ,i _h attir$ myself 9 any o!r ?an ! g>b ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em--ne>ly ?irty-"o ye>s4 ,my hair1 :i* 0 ab\t long en\gh to hang 9 my eyes1 ,i ti$ back ) a pretty little r$ ribbon1 :i* _h be5 on a c&y box4 ,on ,monday1 ,april #h?1 ,si/] ,matilda ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's telephon$ to me1 say+ t %e 0 at ! ,sacr$ ,he>t ,hospital ) ,"m ,naz>e? & ask$ me to come !re to see !m4 ,:5 !y c\ld n prevail ^u me to d s1 !y condesc5d$ to come to ,mrs4 ,ke>ney's to see me4 ,_! visit la/$ ab\t ?ree h\rs4 ,9 te>s &1 seem+ly1 great sorr[ at my leav+ ! community1 !y tri$ to get me to return to ,cranbrook1 say+ t none ( ! si/]s except ! sup]ior & my own si/] knew any?+ ab\t my leav+ ! ord]4 ,our rule says t if a si/] leaves ! community ( h] own free w1 %e _c return )\t disp5sation4 ,s ,i told ,"m ,naz>e? t ,i c\ld n g back1 z x 0 aga9/ ! rule4 ,%e !n h&$ me a lett] f ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie & said t t 0 my disp5sation to return4 ,i read z foll[s3 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,april #g1 #aiab4 ,de> ,si/]3 ,! cont5ts ( y\r lett] 0 a great %ock to me4 ,i nev] ?\ght y w\ld give way to ! temptation to leave y\r ord]4 ,i h reque/$ ,"m ,n4 7,naz>e?7 to g & see y4 ,y did n become a si/] 9 ord] to be appreciat$ & prais$ = ! tal5ts :i* ,god has giv5 y4 ,y ent]$ religion to d ,god's "w & to save y\r s\l4 ,n[1 si/]1 return to y\r conv5t4 ,d n all[ ! evil "o to induce y to leave x4 ,d z ,"m ,n4 directs to d4 ,ask+ ,god to direct & bless y1 ,i am1 ,s9c]ely 9 ,xto1 ,x ,a4 ,,*ri/ie4 ,i flatly refus$ to d z ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie reque/$4 ,"m ,naz>e? !n (f]$ me my *oice ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t ,hospital 9 ,spokane1 or to return to ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital 9 ,portl&4 ,:5 ,i refus$ to g to any h\se z a si/]1 %e (f]$ me my *oice ( any ( ! h\ses ( ! ord]1 z a home1 or bo>d]1 z long z ,i liv$4 ,i _h se5 too _m poor1 old si/]s1 :o _h receiv$ a home su* z !y 7 (f]+ me1 & knew too well :at x meant--hurry up & get (f ! face ( ! e>?--& s ,i refus$ ?is1 seem+ly1 v lucrative (f]4 ,aft] _m m entreaties & ! %$d+ ( _m te>s1 ,i f9ally said to ^! two holy s*em+-spirits ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 ,i am out1 & ,i am out to /ay4 ,if y want someone back1 g & take ,si/] ,zita back or "s ( ! o!r si/]s :o are sitt+ 9 ! f\r corn]s ( ! community-_w do+ p5ance4 7,si/] ,zita 0 a poor si/] :o _h left ! community = ab\t ! same reasons ,i _h left1 aft] s]v+ ! *ur* = ?irty ye>s4 ,%e _h begg$ ! sy/em to take h] back1 b !y absolutely refus$ to d s4 ,si/] ,zita told me ?is h]self1 toge!r ) "s ( ! t]rible wrongs t _h be5 p]petrat$ ^u h]47 ,:5 !y 7 conv9c$ t ,i c\ld n be p]suad$ to return1 !y !n want$ my g>b1 say+ t x did n belong to me4 ,i said t ,i _h worn x long en\gh1 & t ,i ?\ght ,i 0 entitl$ to keep x4 ,"m ,naz>e? !n said1 ,! community might ,,dem& x4 ,i answ]$1 ,,dem&6 ,t is ! ^w t has put me :]e ,i am1 ,,dem&4 ,y ,,dem&6 7,?is conv]sation l$ to ! nam+ ( my book47 ,at la/ !y 7 beat5 & did n "k :at c\rse to pursue4 ,f9ally1 ,"m ,naz>e? said1 ,:at w we tell ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie8 ,i said1 ,tell him ! tru?2 tell him :at has tak5 place 9 ?is room1 & ) t !y left4 ,on ,april #i?1 ,fa!r ,c>ti1 a ,jesuit prie/ f ! ,gonzaga ,college1 came to see me4 ,he _h be5 s5t to me by ! community 9 reg>d to ! am\nt t ,i _h ask$ 9 ! la/ lett] ,i _h writt5 !m4 ,he told me t ! community c\ld n give ! two ?\s& doll>s1 z o!r si/]s w\ld leave & want ! same1 b t !y might give me "o ?\s& doll>s4 ,he !n ask$ me to return to ! conv5t1 say+ t ,i did n h disp5sation1 & t my be+ out l ?is c\ld n be s1 & t ,i 0 n out 9 ! _w4 ,i look$ ar\nd to assure myself t ,i 0 really out1 & said1 ,well1 ,i am out1 & ,i am out to /ay4 ,he tri$ to conv9ce me t ,i 0 9 honor b\nd to g to "s religi\s h\se till ,i w\ld be releas$ f my v[s by ! *ur*1 nam+ sev]al ,roman ,ca?olic in/itutions1 la/ly1 ! ,h\se ( ! ,good ,%eph]d4 ,i look$ at him 9 scorn & repeat$1 ,! ,h\se ( ! ,good ,%eph]d8 z ! si/]s ( ! ord] ( ,si/]s ( ,*>ity always _h a horror = ! v "n ,h\se ( ! ,good ,%eph]d4 ,:5 he saw h[ ,i felt ov] ?is1 he v quickly (f]$ me a home at ! ,gonzaga ,college1 al?\gh t is a ,jesuit in/itution &1 z a g5]al rule1 wom5 are n all[$ !re4 ,:5 all 8 ef=ts _h fail$1 he said1 9 a cunn+ mann]1 t z ,i _h tr\ble 9 ! community1 s ,i w\ld n[ h tr\ble 9 ! _w4 ,i did n realize ! significance ( ?is /atem5t at t "t--,i ?9k ,rome's repres5tative _h slipp$ a little--b 9 ! few ye>s to foll[ ,i h surely und]/ood ! full mean+ ( x4 ,t is a v true ,jesuitical tea*+ ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,sy/em--,rome rule or ru94 ,i told ?is holy fa!r t ! community _h s5t him to see me on bus9ess1 & t ,i did n ne$ 8 exhortation4 ,! bus9ess 0 soon ov]1 ,i refus+ all 8 (f]s ( e nature1 & he retir$4 ,on ,?ursday1 ,april #aa?1 ,si/] ,rita visit$ me4 ,we _h z pleasant a "t z c\ld be expect$ "u ! circum/ances4 ,%e in=m$ me z to ! sc&al\s mann] ,"m ,naz>e? & ,si/] ,matilda _h f\nd me dress$ :5 !y visit$ me--) a fl[]$ kimona & a r$ ribbon ar\nd my hair4 ,%e said t !y _h told ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie ab\t x4 ,%e also told me t ! si/]s at ,/4 ,v9c5t's 7 pray+ & _h =ty c&les burn+ = my return4 ,i read h] a copy ( my lett] = r$ress to ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie1 :i* ,i _h mail$ ,augu/ #bh1 #aiaa4 ,%e 0 mu* surpris$ t he _h n answ]$1 & c\ld n hold him free f blame = ! awful wrongs1 z he _h ! au?ority to "r !m if he c>$ to4 ,%e endeavor$ to get my g>b1 say+ t ,i _h no fur!r use = x1 b ,i 0 cont9ually on my gu>d1 kn[+ t ev5 my de>1 good fri5d & =m] *um1 ,si/] ,rita1 c\ld n g beyond ! ,roman dictation4 ,! fir/ ,sunday aft] ,i _h left ! conv5t 0 ,ea/] ,sunday1 b ,i c\ld n g to mass1 z ,i did n h any clo?+ except ! fl[]$ kimona4 ,by ! second ,sunday1 ,april #ad?1 ) ! assi/ance ( ,mrs4 ,ke>ney1 ,i _h secur$ suffici5t clo!s to be attir$ fairly respectable1 & ,i decid$ t ,i w\ld g to *ur*4 ,i did n c>e to be conspicu\s1 or to mix ) ! p v mu*1 z ,i 0 n accu/om$ to ! ways ( ! _w z yet1 s ,i decid$ to g to ,hily>d1 a suburb ( ,spokane1 to he> holy mass & ! s]mon4 ,dur+ ! entire s]vice1 x all seem$ d>k] & m /upid ?an at any "t dur+ my pa/ life4 ,i ?\ght x 0 due to ! newness ( my pres5t life1 & ,i left ! *ur* 9 sil5ce4 ,on ,saturday morn+1 ,april #bj?1 ,si/] ,rita came to visit me = ! second "t s9ce ,i _h left4 ,z %e ent]$ ! door %e said t ?is "t %e _h tak5 x ^u h]self to come & see h] de> fri5d1 ,si/] ,lucretia1 & t %e 0 go+ to /ay ) me till ,sunday night4 ,?9k ( x1 p1 h[ ,rome 0 us+ ?is de>1 good fri5d ( m9e to d its "w4 ,i /ill _h en\gh ,roman ,ca?olicism emb$d$ 9 my he>t & m9d to wat* h]1 ev5 at night1 sleep+ ) "o eye op51 s to speak4 ,my suspicions 7 s /rong t ,i _h my few belong+s mov$ to safe-keep+ dur+ h] /ay ) me4 ,%e told me t ,i did n look "r 9 civilian clo!s1 & t ,i c\ld nev] look z nice 9 any o!r z ! si/]'s g>b4 ,%e tri$ to induce me to clo! myself z a si/] aga9 & return ) h]1 say+ t %e c\ld get ! cons5t ( ! ecclesia/ical au?orities & ! sup]iors ( ! community = u to take a trip to ,rome & o!r p>ts ( ,europe4 ,?is 0 a mighty temptation to me1 z ,i _h wi%$ _m times to see ! ,vatican & visit ! ,pope1 b ,i knew t if ,i accept$ ?is (f] ,i w\ld h to return to ! community1 & n[1 z ,i 0 out1 ,i 0 det]m9$ to /ay2 s ,i told h] t ,i c\ld n accept ! (f]1 z ,i did n int5d to return to ! si/]hood4 ,_m times s9ce1 ,i h look$ back to ?is visit ( ,si/] ,rita1 & conclud$ t "s guid+ h&1 "s p[]1 great] & mighti] ?an my own1 0 direct+ my actions & decisions on ! great temptations t 7 be+ plac$ be=e me4 ,on ,monday1 ,april #bb;d1 ,"m ,naz>e? & ,si/] ,matilda came to see me aga94 ,"m ,naz>e? told me t ,i 0 liv+ 9 mortal s9 e day = n hav+ disp5sation f my v[s4 ,i told h] t x 0 ?r\gh no fault ( my own1 z ,i 0 wait+ = !m to get my disp5sation4 ,%e !n took a long docum5t f h] pocket1 ask+ me to sign x = my disp5sation4 ,i look$ at x & in=m$ h] t x 0 writt5 9 ,lat9 & t ,i did n und]/& ,lat9 suffici5tly to sign my "n to a docum5t writt5 9 t language4 ,%e !n h&$ me ano!r docum5t1 & ^u exam9ation1 ,i f\nd t x 0 writt5 9 ,fr5*4 ,i told h] t ,i did n und]/& ,fr5* suffici5tly to sign my "n to x1 & ask$ h] to expla9 x to me4 7,i knew f =m] association ) h] & ,si/] ,matilda t nei!r ( !m c\ld read ,fr5* or ,lat947 ,)\t any explanation %e h&$ me ! ?ird docum5t4 ,?is "o 0 writt5 9 ,engli%4 ,i ask$ !m to excuse me = a m9ute & ,i w5t to an adjo9+ room1 :]e1 9 ! pres5ce ( ,mrs4 ,ke>ney1 ,i copi$ ! foll[+1 :i* 0 "u ! head+ on ! docum5t1 ,reasons = leav+ ! ,ord]3 ,community life has become we>isome to me1 &1 !re=e1 x int]f]es ) ! sav+ ( my s\l4 ,i am conv9c$ t x is be/ = me to return to ! _w4 ,i return$ to ! room :]e ! two si/]s 7 & h&$ !m ! docum5t1 in=m+ !m t ,i c\ld n sign x1 z x did n conta9 ! reasons = my leav+ ! ord]1 z ,i _h nev] be5 we>y a day 9 my life4 ,i told !m t !y bo? knew ! reasons = :i* ,i left1 &1 if !y did n1 !y c\ld f9d !m 9 my lett] to ! community :i* 0 writt5 :5 ,i left ! ord]4 ,su* lies6 ,i said1 ,:y c't y be hone/8 ,i c s5d my own reasons to ,rome & get disp5sation = myself :5 ,i get ready4 ,two days lat]1 ,fa!r ,c>ti came to see me = ! second "t1 ) practically ! same message z be=e1 viz41 to return to ! community & 9 reg>ds to settlem5t ( my claims aga9/ !m4 ,! next day1 ,?ursday1 ,april #be?1 ,fa!r ,c>ti telephon$ to me & ask$ me to come to ! ,gonzaga ,college1 s we c\ld talk fur!r 9 reg>d to ! settlem5t & if possible1 come to "s agreem5t4 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney accompani$ me to ! college1 & :5 ,fa!r ,c>ti saw t ,i _h a witness1 he ask$1 ,d y want ?is woman to he> :at we h to say8 ,i answ]$1 ,yes1 ,i want h] to he> :atev] is said4 ,he h9t$ t !re w\ld be no bus9ess transact$ 9 h] company1 s we left4 ,f ! college ,i call$ on my attorney1 :om ,i _h reta9$ z my advis]1 & he advis$ me to give !m till ! fir/ ( ,may to settle = two ?\s& doll>s4 ,on return+ home1 ,i telephon$ to ,fa!r ,c>ti1 & in=m$ him t ,i _h be5 to see my attorney s9ce ,i left ! college & t ,i w\ld give !m 7! community7 until ! fir/ ( ,may to settle = ! two ?\s& doll>s ,i orig9ally ask$2 & t 9 ! future all bus9ess 0 to be transact$ ?r\gh my attorney1 z ,i 0 n physically able to att5d to x myself1 be+ on ! v]ge ( n]v\s collapse4 ,he 0 v angry1 say+ t ,i 0 wrong & _h no bus9ess to g to secul> law 7mean+ a secul> attorney7 & t we c\ld h settl$ x ourselves4 ,i _h be5 out ( ! si/]hood ne>ly f\r weeks1 & _h att5d$ *ur* only once1 s n[ ,i ?\ght ,i w\ld take up my religion aga9 & att5d mass & *ur* s]vice4 ,s1 on ,sunday1 ,april #bh?1 ,i aga9 w5t to ,hily>d & he>d ! ,lat9 mass & ! prie/ prea*4 ,dur+ ! s]mon ,i 0 look+ at ! /atues & o!r religi\s %[ 9 ! *ur*1 & !n & !re1 9 t h\se1 be+ us$ = s-call$ religi\s s]vices1 ,god reveal$ ,himself to me4 ,! :ole %[ really 0 nauseat+ to me1 & be=e ! s]mon 0 f9i%$ ,i retir$ z quietly z ,i c\ld4 ,i _h he>d ( ! idols & images ( ! ,*9ese ,joss-h\se1 & t is j z x appe>$ to me t day4 ,:5 ,i arriv$ home1 ,i told ,mrs4 ,ke>ney to n awak5 me aga9 = mass1 unless ,i told h] to d s4 ,! foll[+ week1 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney came to me & told me t ,fa!r ,c>ti _h told h] to put me out ( h] h\se1 t by keep+ me !re x w\ld hurt h] ) ! si/]s1 ! prie/s & ! ,roman ,ca?olics4 ,my answ] 0 t ,i _h left ! si/]hood because ( ! wrongs & oppressive1 tyrannical treatm5t2 n[ ,i see t !re is some?+ wrong ) t religion1 too4 ,if !y are go+ to foll[ & h\nd & d[n me1 ,i am ?r\gh ) !m1 & ,i d n want any?+ fur!r to d ) any ( !m4 ,i also told h] t if any?+ happ5$ me1 or if ,i got sick1 to call ! fir/ ,prote/ant m9i/] %e c\ld f9d4 ,?is in/ance1 toge!r ) ! p]secutions t _h be5 go+ on s9ce ,i _h be5 out ( ! si/]hood1 caus$ me to decide conclusively 9 my own m9d t ,i did n want any?+ to d ) !m4 ,i _h be5 a ,roman ,ca?olic up to t mom5t1 & _h giv5 !m no cause to treat me 9 t mann]1 o!r ?an hav+ left ! si/]hood1 z _m si/]s d1 b n[ !y did n c>e :at became ( me4 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney 0 ! only fri5d ,i _h 9 ,spokane to :om ,i c\ld g & ?is 0 probably ! la/ subt]fuge ( ! ,hi]>*y to =ce me back to _! clut*es4 ,s ,i became a ,prote/ant1 n 9 reality = "s "t1 b ,i 0 no long] a ,roman ,ca?olic4 ,,*apt] ,,xiv4 ,,=m ,,= ,,disp5sation ,,( ,,! ,,holy ,,v[s--,,my ,,suit ,,& ,,settlem5t ,,) ,,! ,,si/]s ,,( ,,*>ity4 ,i 0 in=m$ by ,mrs4 ,ke>ney t ,"m ,naz>e? _h giv5 h] fifty doll>s s %e c\ld pur*ase "s clo!s = me4 ,?is 0 a pr9cely sum1 aft] all ! ye>s ( s]vice ,i _h giv5 !m4 ,i h nev] be5 able to figure 9 my own m9d1 :e!r ?is 0 suppos$ to be a settlem5t or :e!r x 0 "s ( ! *>ity ! si/]s 7 suppos$ to d4 ,yes1 !y are call$ ,si/]s ( ,*>ity1 b ) all my exp]i5ce ) !m ,i n[ h to rack my bra9 to f9d ! *>ity done by ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 ?r\gh !m4 ,if "s p]son di$ at ! hospital & left "s clo!s t 7 n claim$ by anyone1 !y w\ld be giv5 to "s poor p]son & call x *>ity4 ,if "s pati5t c\ld n or w\ld n pay all ( _! bill1 x w\ld be ent]$ 9 ! books z *>ity4 ,b1 ,god =bid t ,i %\ld blame ! poor si/]s = :at !y d n d4 ,x is ! si/]s :o d ! *>ity--n = ! poor p--b = ! *ur*1 by giv+ _! life's s]vice4 ,x is _! b\nd5 duty to d z !y are told1 & _! tr\bles are great en\gh )\t me add+ to _! heavy load4 ,on ! o!r h&1 may ,god spe$ ! day :5 ! sy/em1 :i* holds ^! poor wom51 z x _h me = ?irty-"o ye>s1 w be inve/igat$ by ! prop] au?orities2 & :5 ?is comes to pass1 we ne$ h no fe> ( ! outcome4 ,aft] ,"m ,naz>e?'s la/ visit to me1 & :5 %e 0 conv9c$ t ,i w\ld d g5]ally z ,i saw fit 9 reg>d to ! disp5sation f my v[s1 ,i receiv$ ! foll[+ 9 due "t3 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,may #aj1 #aiab4 ,miss ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 ,spokane1 ,wa%+ton4 ,de> ,miss ,s*(f53 ,enclos$ y w f9d =m to guide y 9 petition+ = ! disp5sation ( y\r holy v[s4 ,copy x ^u pap] f\nd h]e91 & fill out ,no4 #b accord+ to y\r desire4 ,please return z soon z possible1 z x has to be sign$ by ! ,sup]iors be=e go+ to ,rome4 ,mo/ s9c]ely y\rs1 ,,sr4 ,m4 ,,naz>e?4 ,! =m to guide me 9 petition+ ,8 ,hol9ess 03 ,to ,8 ,hol9ess ,pius ,x3 ,mo/ ,holy ,fa!r3 ,i1 ! und]sign$1 a si/] ( ! ,in/itute ( ! ,daught]s ( ,*>ity1 ,s]vants ( ! ,poor1 ( ,montreal1 ,canada1 respectfully submit to y\r ,hol9ess ! foll[+3 #a4--;,i am fifty-"o ye>s ( age & pr(ess$ 7vocal7 tw5ty-n9e ye>s4 #b4--;,"h si/] may give h] reasons h]self1 to suit h] own disposition4 ,%e is p]fectly free44444444444 4444444444444444444444444444444444444444 4444444444444 4444444444444444444444444444444444444444 4444444444444 4444444444444444444444444444444444444444 4444444444444 #c4--;,9 consequ5ce ,i humbly suplicate ,y\r ,hol9ess to give me disp5sation f my v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity & ob$i5ce1 & to grant me p]mission to live 9 ! _w 9 secul> habit4 ,spokane1 ,wa%+ton1 ?is 44444444 7date7 44444444 #aiab4 7,sign7 ,si/] ,lucretia1 nee ,elizabe? ,s*(f54 ,notice x says1 ,%e is p]fectly free4 ,yes1 ,i 0 p]fectly free aft] ! ag5ts ( ,8 ,hol9ess f\nd out 9 pla9 words spok5 by me t ,i 0 ?r\gh answ]+ to _! dem&s4 ,i 0 p]fectly free1 & yet 9 ! next brea?1 accord+ to ! ,roman ,ca?olic idea1 ,i _h to h p]mission f an ,italian ,pope ev5 to we> ! common clo!s ( an ,am]ican citiz54 ,?9k ( x1 de> read]1 ,i 0 an ,am]ican born citiz51 "u ! protection ( ! laws ( ?is c\ntry2 b because ,i _h be5 born & rais$ a ,roman ,ca?olic1 & !n induc$ to take ! v[s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood1 ,i _h no rights z an ,am]ican citiz51 & _h to h ! p]mission ( ?is self-/yl$ infallible pope be=e ,i c\ld live l o!r p live4 ,i might say "r "h1 t ,i h nev] appli$ =1 & consequ5tly h nev] receiv$ ! disp5sation f my v[s z a si/] 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 z ,i soon le>n$ aft] ,i left t organization t ! ,*ur* ( ,rome _h no "r 9 ! fir/ place to deprive me ( ! lib]ties gu>ante$ e citiz5 ( ?is c\ntry4 ,! au?orities ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em w tell ! civil au?orities & ! ,prote/ants t ! adh]5ts ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* are citiz5s fir/ & ,roman ,ca?olics second4 ,b t is n accord+ to ! inn] tea*+ ( t sy/em4 ,read :at "o ( _! own repres5tatives1 ! late ,fa!r ,d4 ,s4 ,phelan1 has said1 :5 speak+ f 8 own ?rone3 ,!y tell u t we ?9k m ( ! *ur* ?an we d ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates2 ( c\rse we d4 ,:y1 if ! gov]nm5t ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates 7 at w> ) ! *ur*1 we w\ld say tomorr[1 to hell ) ! gov]nm5t ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates2 & if ! *ur* & all ! gov]nm5ts ( ! _w 7 at w>1 we w\ld say1 to hell ) all ! gov]nm5ts ( ! _w4 ,!y say we are ,ca?olics fir/ & ,am]icans decid$ly aft]w>ds4 ,!re is no d\bt ab\t x4444 ,! ,ca?olics ( ! _w are ,ca?olics fir/ & always2 !y are ,am]icans1 !y are ,g]mans1 !y are ,fr5*1 or !y are ,engli% aft]w>ds4 7,! ,patriots ,manual1 z copi$ f ! ,we/]n ,wat*man1 issue ( ,june #bg1 #aiab47 ,?9k on ^! po9ts1 my de> ,am]ican fri5d6 ,use ! bra9 :i* ,god has giv5 y1 & decide = y\rself if an in/itution su* z ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em is an ,am]ican in/itution4 ,h we room )9 our bord]s = any o!r ?an t :i* w uphold our laws1 & fight1 if ne$ be1 = ! protection ( ! pr9ciples ^u :i* ?is great democracy is build$8 ,z ,i h previ\sly /at$1 ,i told ! community t ,i w\ld give !m until ,may #a/ to settle ) me = two ?\s& doll>s4 ,?is !y refus$ to d1 s my attorney wrote z foll[s3 ,spokane1 ,wa%41 ,may #b1 #aiab4 ,"m ,m4 ,naz>e?1 ,prov4 ,sup41 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,de> ,madam3 ,we h plac$ 9 our h&s = settlem5t ! matt] ( ,si/] ,lucretia1 :i* we are in=m$ y are famili> )4 ,if ?is matt] c be settl$ = tw5ty ?\s& doll>s1 we are 9 a position to settle x1 & if n att5d$ to at once1 we w take su* /eps z may become necess>y to en=ce settlem5t at once4 ,y\rs v truly1 ,,scott ,,campbell4 ,! community made no favorable reply to ! above communication1 s x 0 decid$ t ,i1 ) my attorney1 ,mr4 ,scott1 w\ld g to ,portl&1 to look into ! matt] ( fil+ suit aga9/ !m = sal>y due me = my s]vices at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,9 ! ,spokesman ,review 7a ,spokane daily7 !re appe>$ two articles ab\t ! case1 issue ( ,june #i1 #aiab4 ,! fir/ article 0 a l5g?y "o1 discuss+ 9 g5]al ! case1 & conta9+ a /atem5t obta9$ f me4 ,! second1 a dispat* f ,portl&1 ,i w repr9t4 ,x w expla9 itself3 ,,sup]ior ,,surpris$ ,,at ,,suit4 ,hospital ,head ,gives ,si/] ,lucretia ,high ,te/imonial4 ,portl&1 ,ore41 ,june #h4--,si/] ,alex&]1 sup]ior at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 0 surpris$ to le>n f ,spokane tonight t ,si/] ,lucretia ?reat5$ proce$+s aga9/ ! ord]1 & gave ,si/] ,lucretia a high te/imonial = h] "w :ile at ! hospital4 ,si/] ,lucretia sev]$ h] connections ) ! hospital & ) ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity la/ ,april1 said ,si/] ,alex&]4 ,%e 0 dissatisfi$ at hav+ be5 assign$ to ano!r field ( labor1 t at ,/4 ,eug5e's ,hospital at ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 aft] hav+ s]v$ 9 ,portl& s long4 ,!re 0 no?+ improp] 9 h] leav+1 z %e 0 free to leave ! ord] if %e *oose4 ,%e did n express any ho/ile feel+s t[>d ! si/]s1 h[ev]1 & seem$ to h be5 p]fectly satisfi$ ) h] treatm5t4 ,i h be5 9 t\* ) h] up to a few weeks ago & h receiv$ no intimation ( h] int5tion to br+ suit4 ,i _c imag9e on :at gr\nds %e bases h] cont5tion4 ,%e 0 an excell5t nurse :ile at ! hospital & 0 well & favorably kn[n ab\t ! city4 ,be=e ent]+ ! ord]1 ,si/] ,lucretia's home 0 ne> ,spokane1 & %e has be5 at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital "h almo/ ! entire "t ( h] si/]hood4 ,on ,june #aj? ,i donn$ my si/]hood g>b1 & 9 company ) ,mr4 ,scott1 w5t to ,portl&4 ,! reason = my we>+ ! g>b aga91 0 t ,i _h a cl]ical half-f>e railroad book1 :i* _h be5 giv5 to me by ! community = my use1 & z ,i _h n receiv$ my disp5sation1 ,i 0 /ill a si/] & 0 entitl$ to we> ! g>b ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood1 if ,i s *oose4 ,dur+ my entire si/]hood ,i _h always travel$ ei!r half-f>e1 or on a pass :i* w\ld g5]ally be made out = ! sup]ior & h] companion4 ,! si/]s 7 tra9$ to imitate ! h&-writ+ ( ! si/]s 9 ^: names ! passes or half-f>e books 7 issu$1 s !y c\ld sign ! "n appe>+ on ^! passes or half-f>e books4 ,at retreat "t ^! passes & books 7 kept busy1 c>ry+ si/]s "o way1 & !n return$ by mail = o!rs to travel on4 ,i rememb] once :5 ,i 0 travel+ on ,"m ,!resa's pass1 & aft] ,i _h sign$ h] "n1 ! conductor :o knew bo? ,"m ,!resa & myself1 came to me 9 a good-natur$1 smil+ mann] & said t ,i 0 a r "y-look+ ,"m ,!resa4 ,i return$ to ,spokane1 ,june #ah?1 aga9 us+ ! half-f>e book4 ,! au?orities ( ! ,roman ,hi]>*y may d5y t ,i _h ?is cl]gy half-f>e book1 b ,i might say "r "h1 let !m d5y6 ,i /ill h ! book ) =ty-two tickets 9 x1 good only 9 ! ye> #aiab1 & ) ! /amp ( ! ,trans-,cont95tal ,cl]gy ,bureau1 ,janu>y #bg1 #aiab1 & ev5 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,hi]>*y _c d5y t ,i 0 a si/] 9 good /&+ 9 ,janu>y1 #aiab4 ,on ,july #ba/ ,i bade adieu to ,spokane4 ,i _h j bo>d$ ! tra9 :5 a prie/1 :om ,i _h nev] se5 be=e1 came to me & began to "q me z to :]e ,i 0 go+1 :o ,i 01 etc4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ "t ,i _h be5 alone s9ce ,i _h be5 out ( ! si/]hood1 & :e!r ?is 0 an accid5tal meet+ or :e!r he 0 s5t purposely ,i am unable to say4 ,i answ]$ 8 que/ions1 & !n ask$ him 8 "n4 ,he told me ,fa!r ,cron94 ,:ile he did n annoy me on ! j\rney to ,portl&1 ,i 0 v suspici\s1 & 0 v c>eful t he did n h a *ance to get any ( my few belong+s1 z ,i _h "s v valuable pap]s 9 my suitcase4 ,mrs4 ,ke>ney _h come to ,portl& be=e & _h made arrangem5ts = hotel accommodations4 ,! law firm ( ,kollock & ,zoll+] 7 my repres5tatives 9 ,portl&1 arrangem5ts hav+ be5 previ\sly made by ,mr4 ,scott ) !m4 ,my compla9t aga9/ ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity hav+ be5 complet$1 ,i sign$ x on ! tw5ty-f\r? day ( ,july1 #aiab1 & x 0 duly fil$ 9 ! ,circuit ,c\rt ( ,multnomah ,c\nty4 ,,copy ,,( ,,compla9t4 ,9 ! ,circuit ,c\rt ( ! ,/ate ( ,oregon = ,multnomah ,c\nty4 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 ,pla9tiff1 7 vs4 7 ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 ,/4 7 ,,compla9t ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 a corporation1 7 ,def5dant47 ,comes n[ ! pla9tiff h]e9 & = cause ( action aga9/ def5dant alleges3 ,i4 ,t def5dant is a corporation1 incorporat$1 organiz$ & exi/+ "u & by virtue ( ! laws ( ! ,/ate ( ,oregon2 ,,ii4 ,t at ! special in/ance & reque/ ( ! def5dant ! pla9tiff p]=m$ "w & labor = ! def5dant z a nurse at1 9 & ab\t ! hospital own$ & op]at$ by ! def5dant 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&1 ,c\nty ( ,multnomah & ,/ate ( ,oregon1 kn[n & describ$ z ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 f & ab\t ,july #g1 #ahic1 to & includ+ ! fir/ day ( ,july1 #ahii2 ,,iii4 ,t f & aft] ! #a/ day ( ,july1 #ahii1 to & includ+ ,july #bf1 #aiaa1 ! pla9tiff p]=m$ "w & labor = ! def5dant z nurse & manag] & sup]9t5d5t ( a floor 9 ! hospital own$ & op]at$ by ! def5dant 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&1 ,c\nty ( ,multnomah & ,/ate ( ,oregon2 ,,iv4 ,t dur+ all ( said p]iod ( ! "t ! acc\nt betwe5 pla9tiff & def5dant 0 an op51 mutual & curr5t acc\nt1 & t pla9tiff cont9u\sly p]=m$ "w & labor dur+ said p]iod = ! def5dant1 & def5dant dur+ said p]iod furni%$ & gave to ! pla9tiff clo?+ & bo>d & lodg+2 ,v4 ,t ! reasonable value ( ! s]vices r5d]$ by pla9tiff to def5dant z a nurse1 betwe5 ,july #g1 #ahic1 & ! #a/ day ( ,july1 #ahii1 ov] & above & 9 addition to ! clo?+ & bo>d & lodg+ furni%$ by def5dant to pla9tiff1 0 & is ! sum ( #ajj4jj p] mon?2 t ! reasonable value ( ! s]vices r5d]$ & "w & labor p]=m$ by pla9tiff = def5dant z nurse & manag] or sup]9t5d5t ( ! floor 9 ! hospital own$ & op]at$ by ! def5dant1 f ! #a/ day ( ,july1 #ahii1 to & includ+ ,july #bf1 #aiaa1 ov] & above & 9 addition to ! clo?+ & bo>d & lodg+ furni%$ & giv5 by ! def5dant to ! pla9tiff dur+ ! said p]iod1 0 & is ! sum ( #aej4jj p] mon?2 ,,vi4 ,t ! pla9tiff has dem&$ ( def5dant paym5t ( said sums1 b ! def5dant has :olly fail$1 refus$ & neglect$ to pay same or any "p !re(1 & t !re is n[ due & ow+ f def5dant to pla9tiff on acc\nt !re( ! sum ( #bh1hjj4jj4 ,,:]e=e1 pla9tiff prays = judgm5t aga9/ ! def5dant 9 ! sum ( #bh1hjj4jj1 toge!r ) ! co/s & disbursem5ts h]e94 ,,scott ,,compbell1 ,,kollock ,,zoll+]1 ,attorneys = ,pla9tiff4 ,,/ate ,,( ,,oregon1 ,c\nty ( ,multnomah--ss4 ,i1 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 be+ fir/ duly sworn1 depose & say t ,i am ! pla9tiff 9 ! above action2 & ! =ego+ compla9t is true z ,i v]ily believe4 7,sign$7 ,,elizabe? ,,s*(f54 ,subscrib$ & sworn to be=e me ?is #bd? day ( ,july1 #aiab4 7,sign$7 ,,john ,k4 ,,kollock1 7,seal7 ,not>y ,public = ! ,/ate ( ,oregon4 ,! summons 0 s]v$ on ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity & on ,si/] ,alex&] p]sonally1 on ,july #bh1 #aiab1 accord+ to ! record ( ! %]iff's (fice4 ,soon aft] ?is1 & sev]al o!r times be=e ! answ] to ! compla9t 0 fil$1 :i* 0 ne>ly f\r mon?s lat]1 ! attorneys = ! def5dants endeavor$ to settle = v>i\s am\nts up to #a1ejj4jj4 ,! answ] to ! compla9t 0 z foll[s3 ,9 ! ,circuit ,c\rt ( ! ,/ate ( ,oregon = ,multnomah ,c\nty4 ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 ,pla9tiff1 7 vs4 7 ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 ,/4 7 ,,answ] ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 a corporation1 7 ,def5dant4 7 ,n[ comes ! def5dant & answ]s ! compla9t h]e9 z foll[s3 ,admits t x is a corporation organiz$ & exi/+ "u & by virtue ( ! laws ( ! ,/ate ( ,oregon4 ,save z h]e9 admitt$1 def5dant d5ies ea* & e allegation ( ! compla9t4 ,fur!r answ]+1 def5dant alleges t its incorporation 0 effect$ by & on behalf ( memb]s ( a *>itable & religi\s organization kn[n z ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ! ,h\se ( ,provid5ce 9 ! ,t]ritory ( ,wa%+ton1 & t its affairs dur+ all ! "t /at$ 9 ! compla9t h be5 manag$ & are /ill manag$ by & ?r\gh ! said religi\s organization act+ ?r\gh ! m$ium ( ! corporation4 ,said organization has be5 engag$ dur+ all ! "t /at$ 9 ! compla9t & is /ill engag$ 9 *>itable & religi\s "w1 conduct+1 among o!r in/itutions1 a hospital 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&1 ,/ate ( ,oregon4 ,prior to ! #g? day ( ,july1 #ahic1 pla9tiff appli$ to ! memb]s ( said religi\s organization to be admitt$ z a memb] !re(1 = ! purpose ( ga9+ ! spiritual advantages accru+ to ! memb]s !re(1 & = ! purpose ( engag+ 9 religi\s & *>itable "w ) ! memb]s ( said religi\s organization4 ,on "s day prior to said #g? day ( ,july1 #ahic1 ! pla9tiff1 ^u su* application1 0 admitt$ to memb]%ip 9 said religi\s organization & has be5 engag$ s9ce t "t & up to ! #bf? day ( ,july1 #aiaa1 9 religi\s & *>itable "w ) ! memb]s ( said organization1 includ+ "w 9 & ab\t ! c>e ( ! sick at ! said ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,at ! "t :5 pla9tiff appli$ = memb]%ip 9 said religi\s community1 & at ! "t %e 0 admitt$ z a memb] !re(1 & dur+ all ( ! "t pla9tiff cont9u$ to be a memb] !re(1 & dur+ all ! "t pla9tiff 0 engag$ 9 su* religi\s & *>itable "w a=esaid1 x 0 di/9ctly und]/ood by pla9tiff & h] acceptance into said religi\s community & ! p]mission to engage 9 *>itable & religi\s "w1 ) ! memb]s ( said religi\s community1 ?r\gh ! m$ium ( ! corporation def5dant h]e91 & o!rwise 0 bas$ ^u ! di/9ct & express$ und]/&+ t no pecuni>y rew>d or f9ancial return ( any k9d :atsoev] 0 to be paid to pla9tiff = any "w done at ! in/ance ( ! memb]s ( said religi\s community1 or at ! in/ance ( ! corporation def5dant h]e91 or = any s]vices ( any k9d 9 any mann] connect$ ) ! "w ( said religi\s organization & ( ! corporation1 ! def5dant1 h]e94 ,:]e=e1 def5dant dem&s t pla9tiff take no?+ by ?is action1 & t x has judgm5t = co/s & its disbursem5ts4 ,m4 ,m4 ,,connor1 ,,c>ey ,,k]r1 ,attorneys = ,def5dant4 ,,/ate ,,( ,,oregon1 ,c\nty ( ,multnomah--ss4 ,i1 ,si/] ,alex&]1 be+ fir/ duly sworn1 depose & say t ,i am an (fic]1 to wit41 ,sup]ioress ( ! def5dant 9 ! above entitl$ action2 t ,i h read ! =ego+ answ]1 "k ! cont5ts !re(1 & believe ! same to be true4 ,,si/] ,,alex&]4 ,subscrib$ & sworn to be=e me ?is #ae? day ( ,novemb]1 #aiab4 7,seal7 ,m4 ,m4 ,,connor1 ,not>y ,public = ,oregon4 ,i h expla9$ ?r\gh\t ?is book ! k9d ( religi\s & *>itable "w ,i 0 engag$ 94 ,v true1 z /at$ 9 ! above docum5t1 :5 ,i ent]$1 ,i believ$1 z ,i 0 taught by ! prie/ & si/]s1 t ! mo/ c]ta9 way to save my s\l 0 by ent]+ ! conv5t & liv+ a good1 pure1 holy life z a virg9 sp\se ( ! *ur* & ,*ri/1 &1 if possible1 to become a great sa9t s t ,i might secure a high place 9 ,heav5 among ! sa9ts & ne> our ,"l4 ,b1 ! spiritual b5efits ,i d]iv$ 7 t ,i 0 compell$ by ! tea*+s & practices ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic conv5t sy/em to be an unwill+ hypocrite1 & 9 ! end _h to seek religion & consolation out ( ! conv5t & ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*4 ,my suit aga9/ ! community 0 evid5tly caus+ !m mu* discom=t1 z ! attorneys = ! def5dant1 sev]al times dur+ ! w9t] (f]$ to settle1 b = su* small am\nts t ,i c\ld n accept4 ,by spr+ !y _h rea*$ ! sum ( ?ree ?\s& doll>s1 & ask$ me to pay my attorneys f t am\nt4 ,?is ,i refus$1 z ,i believ$ ,i c\ld =ce !m to pay m ?an t if ! case w\ld come to c\rt4 ,i knew at lea/ t ,i c\ld cause !m v mu* uneas9ess4 ,by ,m>*1 ,i 0 (f]$ ?ree ?\s& doll>s1 & ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity promis$ to pay my attorneys' fee4 ,my attorneys & myself conf]r$ 9 ?is matt]1 & z ,i 0 ne>ly de/itute1 ,i ?\ght x be/ to take :at ,i c\ld get & h ! /ra9 (f my m9d1 & ,i au?oriz$ ,mr4 ,scott & ,mr4 ,kollock to notify ! def5dant's attorneys t ,i w\ld accept _! (f]4 ,s1 on ,m>* #ae1 #aiac1 ,i receiv$ f ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce1 ?r\gh _! repres5tatives1 ! sum ( ?ree ?\s& doll>s = ?irty-"o ye>s ( s]vice to !m4 ,my attorneys' fee 0 fifte5 hundr$ doll>s1 :i* 0 promptly paid4 ,s x co/ ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,hi]>*y ! sum ( f\r ?\s& five hundr$ doll>s 7#d1ejj4jj7 = ! s]vice ,i _h giv5 !m1 & to keep ! case out ( c\rt & ! publicity ( ! same1 :i* w\ld h be5 a bankruptcy produc] = ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,a great deal has be5 said by ! ,roman ,ca?olics ab\t ! l>ge sum ( money ! *ur* paid me aft] ,i left ! si/]hood4 ,i w agree ) my ,roman ,ca?olic fri5ds t ! am\nt ,i receiv$ f ! community 0 a magnific5t sum1 :5 se5 9 silv] doll> pieces4 ,b1 if !y w consid] ! ?irty-"o ye>s' s]vice ,i gave !m1 !y w v readily see t ,i receiv$ j ab\t "o doll> & eighty-six c5ts 7#a4hf7 a week1 mo/ ( ! "t nurs+ & manag+ "o ( ! floors ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,a nurse 9 ! _w ord9>ily is paid tw5ty-five doll>s a week2 n[ my good ,roman ,ca?olic knock]1 comp>e t ) ! l>ge sum ,i receiv$4 ,if ! s]vice ( a nurse is wor? t am\nt1 :y is a si/]-nurse n wor? j z mu*1 if %e does ! "w requir$ or m8 ,i am n compla9+ ab\t ! pay ,i receiv$4 ,i feel t ,i am repaid1 n 9 doll>s & c5ts1 b 9 exp]i5ce4 ,i am only too ?ankful to ?9k t ,i saw ! folly ( ! :ole sy/em 9 "t to be free be=e ,i w\ld be call$ ^u to face my ,mak]1 & ,i tru/ & pray t 9 ,8 great judgm5t1 ,he may give me /r5g? & heal? & wisdom = _m ye>s to come t ,i may be able to tell my /ory to ^? 9 d>kness & indiff]5ce4 ,illu/ration3 ,fac-simile ( ,*eck ,i ,receiv$ f ,attorneys = ,si/]s ( ,*>ity1 z ,paym5t = ,?irty-"o ,ye>s' ,s]vice ,r5d]$ to ,!m4 ,,*apt] ,,xv4 ,,my ,,recomm5dation ,,f ,,! ,,doctors ,,( ,,portl&--,,! ,,good ,,sam>itan--,i ,,affiliate ,,) ,a ,,prote/ant ,,*ur*--,,my ,,new ,,"w4 ,:5 ,i came to ,portl&1 & be=e ,i _h settl$ ) ! community1 ,i decid$ t ,i w\ld try to make my liv+ by nurs+1 z t 0 practically all ,i knew4 ,i _h my diploma to %[ t ,i 0 a graduat$ nurse1 t is1 s ! diploma said1 & 9 addition to t ,i receiv$ ! signatures ( eighty-eight physicians ( ,portl&1 recomm5d+ me z an effici5t nurse1 s ,i ?\ght ,i _h suffici5t pro( t ,i 0 capable to d at lea/ ord9>y nurs+4 ,my recomm5dation f ! physicians 0 z foll[s3 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,july #ca1 #aiab4 ,,?is ,,is ,,to ,,c]tify t we1 ! und]sign$1 physicians & surgeons 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&1 ,oregon1 h be5 well acqua9t$ = _m ye>s ) ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 o!rwise kn[n z ,si/] ,lucretia1 & h be5 ?or\ghly famili> ) h] "w z a nurse & memb] ( ! ord] ( ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital 9 ! ,city ( ,portl&2 t 9 our op9ion %e is a ?or\ghly compet5t nurse2 ,t = a numb] ( ye>s prior to ,july1 #aiaa1 %e 0 9 *>ge ( "o ( ! floors at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 & 0 an effici5t & capable sup]9t5d5t & (fic]2 t to ! be/ ( our k & belief1 :ile a nurse at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital & p>ticul>ly :ile 9 *>ge ( "o ( ! floors1 %e p]=m$ fai?fully & effici5tly all duties entru/$ to h] by ! managem5t ( ! hospital & by ! doctors :o came 9 contact ) h]4 ,z ,i h /at$ above1 ,i receiv$ ! signatures ( eighty-eight prom95t physicians & surgeons ( ,portl& to ?is docum5t1 ! orig9al ( :i* ,i h 9 safe-keep+4 ,) ^! recomm5dations & ! promise ( sev]al ( ! physicians :o 7 prom95t at ,/4 ,v9c5t's t !y w\ld help me get />t$ 9 my "w1 ,i op5$ a nurs+ home 9 ,ea/ ,portl& ) a fri5d nurse1 9 ,septemb]4 ,ne>ly e day dur+ ! fall & w9t] ,i w5t 9 se>* ( "w--mo/ ( ! "t walk+1 z nickels 7 n v pl5tiful--visit+ ! doctors' (fices1 hop+ aga9/ hope t ,i might induce !m to s5d a few pati5ts to ! ,home4 ,dur+ ! w9t] we j ab\t made exp5ses4 ,z yet1 ,i _h a v fa9t idea ( h[ ! ,roman ,ca?olic boycott 0 influ5c+ ! pubic--probably n op5ly1 b influ5c+ x j ! same1 s t p 7 afraid to come to ! ,home1 or to s5d anyone !re4 ,by ! end ( w9t] ,i realiz$ t ,i c\ld n succe$ 9 ?is mann]1 b1 nev]!less1 ,i put =? e ef=t4 ,x _h be5 almo/ a ye> s9ce ,i _h left ! ,romi% in/itution4 ,i _h n become accu/om$ to ! ways ( ! _w suffici5tly to "k h[ to se>* = "w intellig5tly4 ,i 0 completely d[n & out1 n kn[+ :at to d to make my liv+ except to nurse1 & ,i _h be5 a failure at t up to ?is "t1 be+ unable to obta9 ! "w4 ,my sorr[ weigh$ ^u my m9d & he>t1 :i* 0 already brok5 & cru%$ by ! awful ,romi% conv5t cruelty & oppression4 ,no prie/1 no si/]1 nor 0 ev] a mess5g] f any ( _! s-call$ religi\s & *>itable in/itutions1 s5t to me to d a k9d turn :atev]4 ,aft] ?irty-"o ye>s ( s]vice to ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,sy/em1 x seem$ to me t ! h>de/ & h>%e/ ( ma/]s1 n ( hell itself1 w\ld h %[n me a little m]cy4 ,x 0 9 ?is condition t1 "o day 9 ! late w9t] ,i _h be5 out f e>ly 9 ! morn+1 walk+ ! /reets 9 que/ ( "s hone/ employm5t t ,i might keep body & s\l toge!r4 ,my clo?+ 0 v ?92 my feet ne>ly b>e4 ,i arriv$ home ab\t n9e o'clock 9 ! ev5+1 tir$ & disappo9t$ f ! day's unsuccessful ef=t1 z ,i _h done _m o!r nights4 ,_h ,i be5 successful1 x w\ld h help$ ! woman ,i 0 ) j z mu* z x w\ld h help$ me1 & x w\ld only be natural to ?9k t %e w\ld h be5 v anxi\s to "k ab\t ! day's result4 ,b1 q to ! contr>y1 :5 ,i arriv$ home ?is p>ticul> ev5+ ! doors 7 all lock$ aga9/ me1 & by a woman :o pleas$ to call h]self ,prote/ant4 ,& ,i wi% x pla9ly und]/ood t ?is 0 n a w>m summ] night1 b j ! opposite1 a cold1 d>k1 w9try night 9 ! latt] "p ( ,febru>y4 ,c\ld anyone blame me = believ+ ! t]rible /ories ,i _h he>d ab\t ,prote/ant p :ile ,i 0 9 ! conv5t8 ,i made my pres5ce kn[n by knock+ on ! door1 b ?is lady :o 0 com=tably w>m 9 h] b$ did n condesc5d to /ir h]self to admit me4 ,i f\nd a w9d[ :i* 0 n lock$ & ,i ent]$ by climb+ ?r\gh x4 ,:5 %e saw t ,i 0 inside %e ask$1 ,h[ did y get 98 ,inde$1 ,i w nev] =get t "q4 ,imag9e1 if y c1 ! feel+ ,i _h4 ,!re 7 six vacant b$s 9 ! h\se t night1 b ) ! unwelcome feel+ :i* 0 impli$ by h] actions & talk1 ,i did n retire1 b laid on ! s(a 9 ! clo!s ,i _h worn dur+ ! day1 z ,i did = sev]al nights to foll[4 ,%ame1 %ame on su* ,prote/ant p6 ,to my sorr[ ,i h f\nd _m :o h ! same _s t ?is lady _h4 ,%e evid5tly did n c>e :at became ( me4 ,if %e did n want me !re1 :y did %e n tell me8 ,no1 %e w\ld r break :at little spirits ,i _h rema9+4 ,9 ! meantime1 ,i _h made ! acqua9tance ( two real ,prote/ant p1 ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,e4 ,u4 ,morrison4 ,i w5t to ,mrs4 ,morrison ! foll[+ morn+ & told h] ab\t ! above incid5t4 ,%e told me t ,i did n h to endure ?is k9d ( treatm5t1 & t1 if ,i wi%$1 ,i c\ld move to h] home1 & t z long z %e _h a cru/ ( bread x w\ld be %>$ ) me4 ,i accept$ h] v k9d (f]1 & mov$ a few days lat]1 ,m>* #a/4 ,f t day till n[1 !y h be5 ! ,good ,sam>itan to me1 always ! same 9 all k9dness & ,*ri/ian _s4 ,all ,i am1 all ,i h today1 ,i owe x1 to a c]ta9 ext5t1 to ^! good p1 ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,morrison4 ,= ,i 0 an hung]$1 & ye gave me meat2 ,i 0 ?ir/y1 & ye gave me dr9k2 ,i 0 a /rang]1 & ye took me 92 nak$1 & ye clo!d me2 ,i 0 sick1 & ye visit$ me2 ,i 0 9 prison1 & ye came unto me4 ,matt4 #be3ce1 #cf4 ,9 all my tr\ble & sorr[ ( mov+1 & settl+ ) ! si/]s1 !re 7 _m in/ances :i* ,i n[ look ^u ) mu* amusem5t4 ,i rememb] ab\t ! fir/ ?+ t happ5$ :5 ,i arriv$ at ,mrs4 ,morrison's home4 ,%e came to my room & ask$ me if ,i want$ to eat ) ! family or eat by myself or h[ ,i want$ to eat4 ,!re 7 sev]al m5 !re1 & ,i _h nev] eat5 ) a man1 except once :5 ,i 0 ) ,mrs4 ,ke>ney 9 ,spokane1 s9ce ,i left my home 9 #ahha4 ,i ?\ght = a mom5t & !n ,i told ,mrs4 ,morrison t ,i 0 n accu/om$ to eat+ ) m51 b t ,i w\ld try x4 ,x 0 a v peculi> feel+ t came ov] me ! fir/ "t ,i sat at ! table ) !m1 b ,i soon became acqua9t$ & felt v mu* at home4 ,:5 ,i w\ld g to ! d9+-room1 ,i w\ld v (t5 say1 ,well1 ,i us$ to g to mass1 n[ ,i g to mess4 ,z ! days & weeks pass$ by1 ,i m & m realiz$ t ! great h& ( ,god 0 direct+ me 9 all my movem5ts4 ,ev5 ?\gh my %ort exp]i5ce out ( ! %ad[ ( ! conv5t cross _h n be5 a success1 s to speak1 yet x 0 prep>+ me = ! days to foll[4 ,god 0 v good to me1 & my s5tim5ts _c be bett] express$ ?an my repeat+ t wond]ful tw5ty-?ird ,psalm3 ,! ,"l is my %eph]d1 ,i %all n want4 ,he make? me to lie d[n 9 gre5 pa/ures2 ,he leade? me beside ! /ill wat]s4 ,he re/ore? my s\l2 ,he leade? me 9 ! pa? ( righte\sness = ,8 "n's sake4 ,yea1 ?\gh ,i walk ?r\gh ! valley ( ! %ad[ ( dea? ,i w fe> no evil1 = ,?\ art ) me2 ,?y rod & ,?y /aff !y com=t me4 ,?\ prep>e/ a table be=e me 9 ! pres5ce ( m9e enemies2 ,?\ ano9te/ my head ) oil2 my cup runne? ov]4 ,surely goodness & m]cy %all foll[ me all ! days ( my life2 & ,i w dwell 9 ! h\se ( ! ,"l =ev]4 ,i visit$ a great _m ,prote/ant m9i/]s1 ask+ !m to expla9 diff]5t p>ts ( ! ,bible to me1 & !y all receiv$ me & treat$ me v c\rte\sly4 ,i />t$ /udy+ ,god's ,^w z reveal$ by ,*ri/ 9 ! ,new ,te/am5t1 & ! m ,i read & /udi$1 ! m ,i became conv9c$ t ! religion ,i _h be5 liv+ all my life 0 n ! religion ( a ,*ri/ crucifi$1 dead & buri$ = ! salvation ( poor1 fall5 mank9d4 ,! ,scriptures are replete ) tea*+s t conflict ) ! tea*+s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 :i* are traditional & a great _m ( !m are tak5 f religions o!r ?an ,*ri/ianity4 ,& call no man y\r fa!r ^u ! e>?3 = "o is y\r ,fa!r1 :i* is 9 heav54 ,matt4 #bc3i4 ,we h "o ,fa!r1 ev5 ,god4 ,john #h3da4 ,^!1 & _m m v]ses ( ! l1 %[ conclusively t x 0 nev] int5d$ t ! prie/s ( ! *ur* ( ,rome %\ld be call$ fa!r1 = ,god is our spiritual ,fa!r1 & ! ,good ,book does n lie4 ,n[ ! ,_s speake? expressly t 9 ! latt] times "s %all dep>t f ! fai?1 giv+ he$ to s$uc+ spirits1 & doctr9es ( devils2 speak+ lies 9 hypocrisy2 hav+ _! consci5ce se>$ ) a hot iron2 =bidd+ to m>ry1 & comm&+ to ab/a9 f meats1 :i* ,god has creat$ to be receiv$ ) ?anksgiv+ ( !m :i* believe & "k ! tru?4 ,= e creature ( ,god is good1 & no?+ to be refus$1 if x be receiv$ ) ?anksgiv+3 = x is sanctifi$ by ! ^w ( ,god & pray]4 #a/ ,timo?y #d3a1 #e4 ,all my life ,i _h li$ 9 hypocrisy1 n t ,i want$ to1 b j :at ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em _h made ( me by _! hypocritical tea*+s1 su* z ! ,johnny ,morgan /ory2 & my consci5ce _h be5 se>$ _m1 _m times ) a hot iron4 ,:o =bids to m>ry b ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em8 ,:o comm&s to ab/a9 f eat+ meat b ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em on ,fridays1 emb] days & dur+ ,l5t8 ,! ,prote/ant p t ,i came 9 contact ) f "t to "t 0 n ! class ( p t ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em _h pictur$ to me--!y 7 ref9$1 educat$ &1 above all1 *>itable4 ,i att5d$ ,prote/ant *ur*es1 & he>d s]mons prea*$ f ! ,^w ( ,god accord+ to ,*ri/'s tea*+--) ! man-made ,lat9 mass miss+4 ,at la/1 ,i le>n$ t ,i 0 to be sav$ by fai? & n by p5ance4 ,!re=e be+ ju/ifi$ by fai?1 we h peace ) ,god ?r\gh our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,romans #e3a4 ,i also le>n$ t !re 0 no m$iator betwe5 ,god & man1 except ,jesus ,*ri/ z ,i h expla9$ "u ! head+ ,confession1 & t if ,i w\ld confess my s9s to ,him1 ,he w\ld =give me & help me4 ,s ,i gave myself to ,8 keep+1 & on ,sunday1 ,april #bj1 #aiac1 ,i 0 baptiz$ into ! ,prote/ant fai?--:i* 0 ! happie/ day ( all my life4 ,! foll[+ ,sunday ,i became a memb] ( t *ur* & h be5 a ,prote/ant1 n 9 "n only1 b 9 reality1 ev] s9ce4 ,god keep me /rong 9 ! fai?4 ,i cont9u$ do+ nurs+ = a livelihood4 ,"s ( my doctor fri5ds gave me a few private cases1 & ,i also 0 call$ on by "s ( ! ,prote/ant p ,i _h become acqua9t$ ) to wait on !m 9 sickness4 ,sev]al times ,i 0 ask$ to take ob/etric 7mat]nity7 cases1 b _h to refuse !m on acc\nt ( ! lack ( tra9+ 9 ?is p>ticul> l9e4 ,i h /at$ be=e t we 7 kept 9 ignorance 9 reg>d to ?is l9e ( nurs+ at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital4 ,f9ally1 ,i decid$ t ,i w\ld take a special c\rse 9 ob/etrics1 & ,i sp5t ab\t six mon?s /udy+ v h>d4 ,n[1 rememb]1 t ,i _h sp5t eighte5 ye>s at ,/4 ,v9c5t's besides two m ye>s 9 hospital "w & yet ,i 0 n all[$ to le>n ?is v important bran* ( nurs+1 reg>dless ( ! fact t ,i _h ! mat]nity w>d on my floor all ! "t ,i 0 sup]9t5d5t1 & 0 held responsible = any errors 9 ! nurs+ ( ^! cases4 ,be=e v long ! say+ ( ,fa!r ,c>ti1 ,y w h tr\ble 9 ! _w1 became v vivid to me4 ,! boycott 0 work+ well4 ,i rememb] "o case ,i 0 call$ on1 t ( an old lady4 ,%e 0 v sick & ne$$ c>e night & day4 ,%e _h "o nurse1 b %e c\ld n "w all ! "t4 ,i work$ only two days1 :5 ! o!r nurse1 :o 0 a ,roman ,ca?olic1 w5t to ! lady & told h] t %e c\ld get along )\t me4 ,?is only came ab\t aft] %e le>n$ t ,i _h be5 a si/] 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood4 ,9 ?is1 & o!r cases1 my qualifications z a nurse 7 n tak5 into consid]ation4 ,x 0 only ! fact t ,i _h once be5 a ,roman ,ca?olic & si/]1 b 0 n[ a ,prote/ant4 ,ano!r incid5t ( ! boycott t w be v cle> to my read]s is t a prom95t doctor1 ^: "n is on my recomm5dation1 told a nurse ,i 0 work+ ) t %e c\ld n get any m cases z long z ,si/] ,lucretia 0 work+ ) h]4 ,9 _m ( ! /ates !re has be5 agitation ab\t a law protect+ ex-convicts f ! boycott ( ! public1 simply because he is an ex-convict4 ,let u also h a law = ! protection ( ex-nuns aga9/ ! boycott ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em & ! public1 simply because %e is an ex-nun4 ,x became v app>5t to me t ,i w\ld h to d some?+ besides nurs+4 ,b :at8 ,i 0 no long] a "y girl1 & ,i _h work$ ne>ly all my life to make ( myself an effici5t nurse1 & ,i _h succe$$ ?us f>4 ,b1 circum/ances s %ap$ !mselves t ,i c\ld n secure suffici5t "w to d to keep body & s\l toge!r4 ,aft] a great deal ( delib]ation & mu* ?\ghtful pray]1 ,i came to ! conclusion t z ,god _h be5 ) me & br\ght me out ( d>kness & idolatry1 ,i w\ld d$icate my s]vices to ,him1 9 ^w ( m\? & p51 tell+ ! /ory ( my life z a ,si/] ( ,*>ity 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood4 ,dur+ ,july1 #aiae1 ,i _h ! opportunity to sp5d a few days at ! annual ,*autauqua be+ held at ,glad/one1 ,oregon4 ,!re ,i met sev]al wom5 ) :om ,i _h be5 acqua9t$ 9 ,portl&4 ,!y knew ( my pa/ life & ask$ me to tell ( "s ( my pa/ exp]i5ces to ! memb]s ( ! ,wom5's ,*ri/ian ,temp]ance ,union4 ,i _h nev] _h occasion to /& be=e any numb] ( p to talk to !m1 & ,i 0 v reluctant ab\t accept+ ! invitation4 ,b x came to me t ?is 0 ! opportunity to obta9 my fir/ exp]i5ce1 & ! few days ,i /ay$ !re ,i talk$ to !m twice4 ,aft] my return to ,portl&1 & dur+ ! fall & w9t]1 ,i told my /ory to small cr[ds 9 ! homes ( "s ( ! real ,prote/ant wom54 ,!n came #aiaf4 ,i began to talk ^u invitation 9 ! *ur*es1 be=e lodges & 9 homes4 ,dur+ ! ye> ,i deliv]$ my lectures "o hundr$ & f\rte5 times 9 & ab\t ,portl&4 ,9 ! summ]1 ,i _h to decl9e _m invitations1 z ,i 0 too busy to fill ! engagem5ts4 ,?is is h[ ,i began my lectur+1 n t ,i ev] int5d$ to d s :5 ,i left ! si/]hood1 b ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em drove me to x1 & n[ ,i am ?ankful t x did1 = ,i c d m good tell+ my /ory ?an ,i ev] c\ld by be+ a ,si/] ( ,*>ity 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood1 or by be+ a nurse c>+ = ! sick4 ,i love to aid ! poor1 suff]+ sick1 b ,i feel t !re are _m nurses bett] ?an ,i c\ld ev] be1 ev5 ) my exp]i5ce1 b !re are1 inde$1 v few :o live ?irty-"o ye>s 9 ! si/]hood ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 & live to leave x & tell _! exp]i5ces4 ,,*apt] ,,xvi4 ,,my ,,adv]tisem5t ,,9 ,,! ,,ca?olic ,,s5t9el4 ,dur+ ! spr+ & e>ly summ] ( #aiaf1 an election campaign 0 on1 & ! issue 0 v app>5t4 ,! patriotic citiz5s 7 det]m9$ to elect ,am]ican citiz5s to (fice :o w\ld uphold ! ,am]ican pr9ciples4 ,i 0 talk+ sev]al times ea* week1 & evid5tly some?+ 0 hurt+1 = ! ,ca?olic ,s5t9el1 publi%$ 9 ,portl&1 :i* is ! m\?piece ( ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie1 pr9t$ a f9e adv]tisem5t = me 9 its issue ( ,june #h1 #aiaf4 ,!re has be5 _m comm5ts on "s ( my /atem5ts reg>d+ ! activities ( ! ,knights ( ,columbus1 & ?is article f _! own pap] w sub/antiate :at ,i h said3 ,a4 ,p4 ,a4',s ,,feature ,,escap$ ,,nun ,=m] ,si/] ( ,*>ity ,appe>s on ,anti-,ca?olic ,plat=m4 ,,bigotry ,,runs ,,wild ,prote/ant ,*ur*es ,are ,plac$ at ! ,disposal ( ,miss ,s*(f54 ,portl& is a hotb$ ( religi\s bigotry4 ,:ile ! re/ ( ! _w is /orm+ ,heav5 = peace1 ! patriots "h are do+ ev]y?+ 9 _! p[] to /ir up religi\s diss5sion4 ,to ?is end !y are us+ ,miss ,elizabe? ,s*(f51 a =m] nun4 ,?is un=tunate woman 0 = #ca ye>s a memb] ( ! ,si/]s ( ,*>ity ( ,provid5ce4 ,= #ag ye>s %e 0 a nurs+ si/] 9 ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital "h4 ,%e left ! ord] f\r ye>s ago z a prote/ aga9/ hav+ be5 transf]r$ f ,portl& to ,vanc\v] aga9/ h] w4 ,! ord] paid to h] or h] repres5tatives a consid]able sum ( money 9 recognition ( h] s]vices4 ,"s mon?s back %e w5t on ! lecture plat=m1 bill+ h]self z an ex-nun4 ,! public did n flock to he> h] 9 any great numb]s4 ,h] audi5ces consi/$ = ! mo/ "p ( t undesirable elem5t 9 ?is community :o w\ld revive ,"k-,no?+ism & to :om t :i* is vulg> & salaci\s c>ries an appeal4 ,miss ,s*(f51 m widely kn[n z ,si/] ,lucretia1 is a pla9 featur$ woman ab\t #ee4 ,= ! la/ few weeks %e has be5 deliv]+ aft]noon lectures = wom5 only4 ,sev]al ,prote/ant m9i/]s h ext5d$ to h] ! hospitality ( _! *ur*es4 ,among ! *ur*es 9 :i* %e has spok5 are ! ,fir/ ,me?odi/ ,*ur*1 ! ,woodlawn ,*ri/ian ,*ur*1 ! ,sunnyside ,me?odi/ ,*ur*1 ! ,br5twood ,me?odi/ ,*ur* & ! ,sellwood ,*ri/ian ,*ur*4 ,%e 0 bill$ to speak at ! ,:ite ,temple 7,bapti/7 la/ ,tuesday aft]noon to wom5 only1 b ! /rong disapproval ( ! tru/ees ( t *ur* result$ 9 ! cancellation ( h] engagem5t4 ,miss ,s*(f5 is a /udi\s dissem9ator ( malici\s inu5does1 sugge/ions & h9ts4 ,%e is c>eful to say no?+ t w\ld r5d] h] liable to prosecution = crim9al libel or defamation ( "*4 ,%e has mu* to say on ! divid$ allegiances ( ,ca?olics1 on ! milit>y activity ( ! ,knights ( ,columbus & on ! deep1 d>k ,roman dungeons4 ,%e is no orator4 ,h] disc\rse is full ( inconsi/5cies & is c\*$ at times 9 ! language ( ! gutt]4 ,%e adduces no evid5ce 9 support ( h] ins9uations & decl9es to answ] que/ions dur+ or aft] ! lecture4 ,! /age is well set4 ,! proce$+s g5]ally op5 ) a pray]6 ,?is is (t5 foll[$ by ! s++ ( ,am]ica1 9 :i* ! audi5ce jo9s4 ,h] manag] !n drapes ! ,am]ican flag ov] ,miss ,s*(f5's %\ld]1 say+ z he does s3 ,?is is to %[ t dur+ h] lecture ,miss ,s*(f5 is "u ! protection ( ! ,/>s & ,/ripes6 ,^! words nev] fail to elicit trem5d\s applause4 444 ,h] lectures h become s obnoxi\s t ! ,knights ( ,columbus h decid$ to take action & to t end h appo9t$ ! foll[+ committee3 ,j4 ,w4 ,kelly1 ,w4 ,j4 ,pr5d]ga/1 ,rog] ,b4 ,s9not1 ,james ,cl>kson1 ,j4 ,n4 ,casey1 ,d4 ,j4 ,mal>key1 ,m4 ,g4 ,munley1 ,r4 ,j4 ,o',neil1 ,joseph ,jacobb]g]1 ,h4 ,v4 ,/ahl1 ,john ,f4 ,daly4 ,i d n c>e to take space "h to comm5t on ?is article at l5g?2 !re is a great deal ( tru? 9 x & !n !re is a great deal t is n true4 ,i w say t ! "t spok5 ( :5 ! ,:ite ,temple turn$ me d[n1 !re 7 ab\t ?ree ?\s& wom5 t congregat$ to he> my message1 & ,i deliv]$ x to !m1 b n 9 ! ,:ite ,temple2 ,i hir$ an automobile & we w5t to ! ,plaza1 :]e ,i talk$ f ! ma*9e4 ,! above article speaks ( ! /rong disapproval ( ! tru/ees ( ! *ur*4 ,x took !m q a long "t to give out ! ann\ncem5t1 = ! lecture _h be5 adv]tis$ = two weeks4 ,any ,am]ican c guess :y ?is build+ 0 clos$ at ! elev5? h\r4 ,( c\rse1 ,i am no orator4 ,h[ c\ld ,i be aft] sp5d+ my life 9 ! conv5ts ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em8 ,&1 if ,i talk$ 9 ! language ( ! gutt]1 :]e d y ?9k ,i le>n$ x8 ,surely x mu/ h be5 le>n$ 9 ! p>o*ial s*ool1 ! confessional or ! conv5t4 ,f\r ( ! elev5 ,knights ( ,columbus appo9t$ to take action aga9/ me 7 prom95t lawy]s ( ,portl&1 & no d\bt !y work$ ov]time try+ to hat* up "s s*eme to get me be=e ! b> ( ju/ice4 ,if !y = "o mom5t ?\ght t ,i c\ld n prove :at ,i 0 say+ ab\t ! sy/em ,i _h liv$ s _m ye>s1 :y did !y n call on me to produce my pro(8 ,i h 9 my possession a lett] f ! wife ( "o ( ^! noble knights1 :i*1 9 "p1 reads z foll[s3 ,i 0 n surpris$ :5 ,i he>d t y _h left ! ord]4 ,! la/ "t ,i 0 up !re ,i ask$ = y & !y told me y _h be5 s5t to ,canada4 ,i felt !n x 0 ! beg9n+ ( ! end4 ,:at l$ up to x all ,i d n "k1 b ,i felt ,i mu/ tell y t s f> z we are conc]n$1 our sympa?ies are ) y4 ,i "k su* a ?+ c\ld n h come to pass )\t y\r hav+ exp]i5c$ mu* suff]+ & he>ta*e4 ,& ,i want to tell y we are ) y he>t & s\l4 ,( c\rse1 y "k our attitude t[>d !m4 ,we h felt = a long "t !y are lack+ 9 *>ity4 ,we c\ld n reconcile ourselves to _! attitude t[>ds ! nurses4 ,mr4 ---- & ,si/] ---- _h a passage at arms ! la/ "t he 0 up !re4 ,! old ord] ( ?+s 0 good1 b !re seems to h crept 9 an elem5t :i* has ! money-mak+4 ,if y h "t1 ,i %\ld l to he> f y & some?+ ab\t ! "w y are do+4 ,i "k "o ?+1 t x is effective4 ,we h nev] =gott5 ! s]vice y r5d]$ ,mr4 ----1 & ,i h always felt t y m ?an any o!r contribut$ to 8 recov]y4 ,illu/ration3 ,a ,gift f ,god--,five ,ye>s' ,gr[?4 7,photograph$ ,jan4 #bi1 #aiag7 ,yes1 ,i did contribute to a great ext5t to ?is g5tleman's recov]y :5 8 two physicians & ! special nurse _h ab&on$ all hope4 ,& f ?is lett] x 0 app>5t t he 0 pleas$ to he> t ,i _h left ! ord]4 ,!n1 :y su* a radical *ange 9 ! m9d ( su* a highly educat$ man8 ,_h "s ( ! holy fa!rs be5 to see him & dem&$1 & z a good knight he _h to s]ve8 ,or1 0 8 "n plac$ on ! committee = %[8 ,! latt] is m probable4 ,i wi% my read]s to read ! article v c>efully & ?\ghtfully & !n draw y\r own conclusions4 ,! fact rema9s t ,i 0 lectur+ & ! effects 7 hurt+ somebody4 ,^! somebodies 7 busy 9 ne>ly e t[n :]e ,i w\ld be bill$ to speak1 endeavor+1 ) _! ?reats ( boycott & ) _! committees appo9t$ to wait on ! city (ficials1 to close halls1 & to ev5 keep me f ent]+ ! city4 ,:at 0 evid5tly hurt+ !m 0 ! fact t ,i 0 tell+ ! tru? to _! own adh]5ts1 & 9 sev]al ( ! small cities :]e ,i spoke1 "s ( !m r5\nc$ ! ,roman ,ca?olic fai?2 o!rs w\ld take _! *ildr5 or "s relative out ( a ,roman ,ca?olic orphanage or p>o*ial s*ool4 ,an in/itution t _c /& ! light1 ne$s to h ! light turn$ on x1 & t is j :at ,i 0 try+ to d4 ,x makes no p>ticul> diff]5ce :e!r ,i 0 draw+ l>ge cr[ds or n 7b ,i 0 draw+ imm5se cr[ds71 :e!r ,i 0 us+ language ( ! gutt] or n1 :e!r ,i produc$ any evid5ce to prove my cont5tions or n1 :e!r ! *ur*es turn$ me d[n or n1 ,i 0 do+ ! "w ,i _h />t$ out to d1 viz41 tell ! public ( ! treatm5t ,i _h receiv$ :ile ,i 0 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic conv5t & ! treatm5t ,i _h receiv$ s9ce ,i left ! conv5t at ! in/igation ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 &1 ?ank ,god1 ,i f\nd ! p eag] to li/5 to ! tru?4 ,x seems t ! tru? is ! v wor/ ?+ t c be said ab\t ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em4 ,,*apt] ,,xvii4 ,,! ,,c>e ,,( ,,old ,,si/]s ,,by ,,! ,,roman ,,ca?olic ,,sy/em4 ,i _c close ?is book )\t devot+ a few l9es to ! c>e ( ! old si/]s--^? :o h sp5t _m ye>s s]v+ ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*--:o h pass$ _! ye>s ( usefulness1 & !n-- ,x w\ld seem only natural & human1 t any in/itution aft] hav+ receiv$ ?irty1 =ty or m ye>s ( free s]vice f a human be+1 w\ld at lea/ see to x t ! p]son w\ld sp5d _! la/ few ye>s ( e>?ly exi/5ce 9 ease & com=t4 ,inde$1 v few pass _! ye>s ( usefulness 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood--a great _m dy+ 9 _! tw5ties1 & m 9 _! ?irties4 ,& ,i might /ate "r "h t tub]culosis is a v common disease to take ! si/]s to a "y grave4 ,probably =ty to fifty p] c5t ( ! si/]s ,i knew t di$ dur+ my si/]hood life 0 caus$ by tub]culosis4 ,surely !re mu/ be "s cause = ?is ravag+ disease among ?is p4 ,x is ! unnatural1 seclud$ life ! girls are =c$ to live1 toge!r ) ! lack ( prop] c>e :5 !y are tak5 sick4 ,t ,i might produce pro( to sub/antiate :at ,i say 9 reg>d to ! c>e ( ! old si/]s1 ,i wi% to call to y\r p>ticul> att5tion "o de>1 old lady ,i knew v well1 & :o suff]$ untold agonies aft] giv+ ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* =ty ye>s' s]vice1 accord+ to h] own lett]s4 ,i w pr9t ?ree ( h] lett]s writt5 to a fri5d 7a ,prote/ant7 9 ,portl&1 :5 ?is de>1 sa9t$ old lady1 ,si/] ,gabriel1 0 9 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%+ton4 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%41 ,aug4 #c;d1 #aija4 ,my de> 44443 ,^! few l9es are a secret = y\rself4 ,w y please tell ,"m ,!resa t ,i am n able = any m corrections4 ,i h lo/ my sleep & appetite altoge!r4 ,i _h no c>e s9ce ,i came ,febru>y #ah?4 ,i 0 ord]$ back to ,vanc\v] to sit 9 a room alone & suff] z ,i _h = six long ye>s1 s9ce !y dis*>g$ me f tea*+4 ,!y kept me 9 ?is "w ?irty-six ye>s--f\r ye>s 7 sp5t at apo!c>y "w 9 hospitals4 ,i h be5 kept idle altoge!r = six ye>s4 ,n[ !y seem pleas$ to see me loos+ my memory4 ,dr4 4444 0 call$ to see me ,monday4 ,he seem$ to sympa?ize ) me = hav+ no?+ to d4 ,! m$ic9e ! si/] gave me made me vomit & a di>rhea t is kill+ me4 ,he said he _h no "t to call & see me a second "t4 7,sign$7 ,,sr4 ,,gabriel4 ,h\se ( ,provid5ce1 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%41 ,nov4 #f?1 #aija4 ,my v de> fri5d3 ,i s5d y ^! few l9es by our de> ,"m ,prov9cial1 :o w try to meet y1 if n1 to s5d y ! note4 ,i am suff]+ v mu* f ! rectal ailm5t ev] s9ce t seasickness 9 ,septemb]4 ,! protrusion is mu* l>g]4 ,! inside is gett+ sore1 & a slight hemorrage ( slime & blood keeps me busy4 ,i d n "k :at to d any long]1 !re is no "o "h :o und]/&s any?+ ab\t ?is compla9t4 ,i use glyc]9e suppositories & sweet oil1 etc4444 ,please write a prescription if y _c come to see me1 & tell ,rev4 ,"m :at k9d ( a tube to get4 ,i feel pretty well1 only a dizz9ess n[ & !n4 ,y\r grateful fri5d1 ,,si/] ,,gabriel4 ,h\se ( ,provid5ce4 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%41 ,feb4 #d1 #aijb4 ,! de>e/ ( my fri5ds3 ,i %\ld h writt5 to wi% y ! _m bless+s ( ! new ye> ere ?is1 b ,i 0 n 9 ! writ+ mood4 ,i hope y enjoy good heal? z a rew>d f ! great ,god1 & may ,he prolong y\r life _m ye>s--s]v+ ! poor sick4 ,i w\ld give ! _w to see y1 b z t is impossible = a few weeks long]1 ,i w try to cont9ue ! prescription y gave me :5 y k9dly came "h to see me ,novemb] #ab?4 ,i pref] to d all ! dress+ myself z long z ,i am able1 b sometimes ,i cry out = relief 9 pa94 ,no "o kn[s :at a pa9ful1 t$i\s disease x is1 & only ^? :o h suff]$ !mselves c appreciate a relief4 ,i fe> ! int]ior l9+ w become ulc]at$1 ow+ to con/ipation = sev]al days4 ,!n ,i take purgatives1 ,s$litz p[d]s1 clov]-root tea or soda phosphate1 :i* causes a di>rhea t _c be /opp$ = s long1 caus+ sleeplessness1 weakness & trembl+4 ,w y please tell me :at w\ld be a good laxative to prev5t all ?is tr\ble8 ,ext]ior applications h b v little effect4 444 ,d y ?9k t ,i w ev] get bett]8 ,e "o tries 8 be/ to be reliev$ f pa94 ,i am pretty old n[1 sixty-six ye>s1 hop+ at lea/ n to become worse4 ,i dread m ! affliction ( becom+ insane ?an any o!r ailm5t4 ,e little ?+ contr>y to my way ( ?9k+ di/urbs my m9d & keeps me ?9k+ = h\rs4 ,i ?ank ,god ,i h a ta/e = read+ & w walk outside :5 ! wea!r gets w>m4 ,i w expect a few l9es z soon z conv5i5t4 ,y told me to let y "k aft] a few weeks h[ ,i am1 s !n y w excuse me = intrud+ on y\r preci\s "t4 ,excuse my quill & old %ak+ h&4 ,y\r mo/ grateful1 7,sign$7 ,,si/] ,,gabriel4 ,j be=e ^! lett]s 7 writt51 ,si/] ,gabriel 0 at ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital = a %ort "t4 ,"o day z ,i 0 pass+ ! ba?room1 ,i he>d moans & cries = assi/ance1 & z ,i ent]$ ! ba?room ,i f\nd h] ly+ 9 ! ba?tub1 ov]come f h] sickness & unable to help h]self4 ,i assi/$ h] to h] room & nurs$ h] ! be/ ,i c\ld1 z ,i _h no p]mission f my sup]ior to wait on h]4 ,_m times ,i w\ld talk to h]1 z %e 0 f> m intellig5t ?an ! av]age si/]4 ,z soon z ,"m ,!resa le>n$ t ,i 0 tak+ c>e ( ?is si/]1 & talk+ to h]1 %e =bade me to d s any fur!r1 & ord]$ me to look = ! lett]s %e 7,si/] ,gabriel7 0 s5d+ out4 ,si/] ,gabriel rema9$ at ,vanc\v] until ab\t #aije1 & !n %e 0 ord]$ to ! ,"m ,h\se at ,montreal to sit alone ! rema9+ few ye>s ( h] life4 ,i "k %e did n want to make ?is move1 b %e 0 =c$ to d s1 z %e 0 gett+ to be a drudge to ! community "h4 ,si/] ,gabriel _h be5 a mission>y to ?is "p ( ! c\ntry1 & %e told me _m times t %e did n wi% to g to ,canada1 b want$ to /ay 9 ?is c\ntry among ,engli%-speak+ si/]s to sp5d h] old age4 ,b x 0 nev] s ) a si/]--x is n :at !y desire or wi% = 9 _! old age1 x is ! desires ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em1 :i* has !m b\nd1 ti$ & gagg$ by ! v[ ( ob$i5ce4 ,treatm5t su* z ?is 0 com+ to me4 ,i _h s]v$ !m fai?fully = ?irty-"o ye>s & my heal? 0 beg9n+ to break "u ! pressure ( wrongs & ! unnatural conditions4 ,:5 a si/] gets 9 ?is condition1 !y move h] f mission to mission & v (t5 s5d reports ahead ( h]1 t %e is irreligi\s & has a bad _s1 caus+ ! o!r si/]s to treat h] ) suspicion & contempt4 ,?is is done until h] he>t is brok51 & ! f9al result is a g5]al break-d[n 9 heal?4 ,!n %e c g & sit alone 9 "s seclud$ place = ! rema9+ few ye>s ( life4 ,! /ronge/ m9d & body w\ld break "u ! /ra9 & worry & sorr[ ( su* treatm5t z ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em gives _! old si/]s4 ,_h ,i rema9$ ) !m1 no d\bt n[1 five ye>s lat]1 ,i w\ld be a physical & n]v\s wreck4 ,i w quote f ano!r lett] writt5 by ano!r si/] to me %ortly aft] my transf] to ,cranbrook3 444 ,:5 "o has pass$ ! ?ree score m>k ! situation is1 to say ! lea/1 n pleasant4 ,i c only say1 ',c\rage1 de> ,si/] ,lucretia1 a few m /ruggles & ,heav5 w be ours4' ,! above quotation 0 a fri5d's lov+ message to our de> sa9tly ,si/] ,m>y ,preci\s ,blood b ?ree weeks be=e h] dea?4 ,%e 0 ill b "o week1 m5tal angui% fill$ _m ( h] days & %ort5$ h] beautiful religi\s life4 ,sad1 b true1 t a fe>ful retribution foll[s e inju/ice4 ',rev5ge to me1' said ! ,"l4444 ,i "k too well :at x means to be 9 y\r plight1 to ev5 hope y are n lonely4 ,"t alone c dull ! ke5e/ ( t sword's edge4 ,let y\r _m1 _m k9d de$s com=t y4 ,^? 9 favor ( my poor self :5 ca/ on ,/4 ,v9c5t's *>ity1 z well z ^? to my deceas$ ,si/] ,john1 ^: lov+ appreciation 0 ) y to ! end1 w nev] be =gott54 ,/range h[ few su* s\ls we meet 9 ?is va/ _w4444 ,,*apt] ,,xviii4 ,,conclusion4 ,my si/]1 ,si/] ,cassilda1 & myself correspond$ ) ea* o!r consid]ably aft] ,i left ! si/]hood1 & ,i receiv$ _m lett]s f h] t are exempl>y ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic tea*+4 ,i w\ld l to quote f "o ( ^! lett]s "h3 ,cranbrook1 ,b4 ,c41 ,june #bd?1 #aiae4 ,my v de> ,si/]3 ,y\r two k9d lett]s1 ,may #bd?1 ,no4 #ac1 & ! o!r ,june #af?1 ,no4 #ad1 h bo? be5 receiv$ ) ! greate/ pleasure4 ,x is always a pleasure = me to he> f y & to "k t y are well & gett+ on s nicely4 ,x does seem neglig5t1 de> ,si/]1 = me to h delay$ s long 9 writ+1 & ,i beg y\r p>don = ! sorr[ ,i h caus$ y4 ,x 0 no ones fault1 y see ,i h be5 *ang$ f ,new ,we/m9/] back to ,/4 ,eug5e ,mission4 ,i always int5d$ to write z soon z ,i got settl$1 "t pass$ s quickly1 h5ce ! cause ( my delay4 ,i am v well & z happy z any "o c be 9 ?is _w4444 4444 ,i w\ld no m let anyone say any?+ aga9/ ! religion ,i h practic$ all my life1 :i* 0 taught me by my own de> p>5ts & :i* ,i love de>ly4 ,i w\ld r die ?an g & put my p>5ts & p bel[ ^? ,bible prea*]s2 !y bett] practice :at is 9 ! ,bible in/ead ( talk+ ab\t _! neighbors4 ,my love = y1 my de> si/]1 is ! same z x ev] 01 no?+ c ev] *ange t1 b x grieves me to ?9k t y h turn$ aga9/ our de> religion :at y & ,i 7 taught toge!r 9 our infancy4 ,i surely w\ld n comp>e ,bible read+ ) t4 ,i pray ! ,"l to give me /r5g? to be fai?ful to x all my life & n to be deceiv$ by false prophets4 ,i h se5 en\gh ( ! _w to "k :i* is "r4 ,un=tunately !re are _m ,ca?olics t are n :at !y %\ld be2 !y w be responsible = !mselves2 t does n *ange religion any4 ,n[ a little news ab\t my mission4 ,x is ab\t ! same1 only we h a gr&1 new cem5t h\se1 ) all ! com=ts possible1 & ! gov]nm5t w build u new b>ns & /ables1 & r5ew all ! f5ces1 s x w be a swell place aft] t4444 ,hope to he> f y soon aga91 love & good wi%es = y\rself & y\r fri5ds4 ,y\r lov+ si/]1 ,,si/] ,,cassilda4 ,?is lett] %[s h[ ! si/]s are dup$ ab\t ! ,prote/ant m9i/]s & ! prea*+ f ! ,bible4 ,x also %[s h[ /rong !y are held 9 ! fai? ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur*4 ,at ! end ( ! lett] y w notice t ! gov]nm5t 0 build+1 or help+ to build1 ! new in/itution at ,cranbrook4 ,! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 f "t to "t1 has brok5 away f ! tea*+ ( ! ,bible1 & in/itut$ practices1 man-made & traditional4 ,! adh]5t ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* accepts ^! tea*+s & practices because he believes1 z ,i did = s _m ye>s1 t ! ^w ( ! ,pope is ,god's ^w1 & :atev] is dictat$ to ! subject ?r\gh ! pope1 or 8 ecclesia/ical repres5tatives1 mu/ be obey$4 ,! reason he believes ?is1 is t he is n all[$ to read & /udy ! ,^w ( ,god4 ,:5 ! prie/ talks ab\t ! ,bible1 t is suffici5t = ! laity4 ,9 all my ye>s ( si/]hood life1 ,i nev] /udi$ ! ,bible1 & :5 ,i say ,i1 ,i wi% x und]/ood t ,i 0 no exception4 ,surely if ,*ri/ int5d$ t all ^! practices1 & in/itutions ( graft1 %\ld be necess>y = ! salvation ( mank9d1 ,he w\ld h practic$ "s ( !m :ile ,he 0 "h4 ,s9ce ! comb9+ ( paganism & ,*ri/ianity1 =m+ ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur*1 "h are "s ( ! man-made practices & ! "t in/itut$3 ,a4 ,d4 ,invocation ( sa9ts #cge ,! ,lat9 s]vice #fjj ,supremacy ( ! pope #fjf ,wor%ips ( images & relics #ghg ,transub/antiation #ajjj ,infallibility ( ! ,*ur* ( ,rome #ajgf ,! sacrifice ( ! ,mass #aajj ,sale ( indulg5ces #aaij ,)hold+ ! cup f ! laity #adae ,purgatory #adci ,re/riction ( ! ,bible #aedf ,sev5 ,sacram5ts #aedg ,wor%ip ( ! ,virg9 ,m>y #aefc ,! cre$ ( ! pope add$ #aefd ,! immaculate conception ( ,m>y #ahed ,! infallibility ( ! pope #ahgj ,i copy ?is table f ex-,prie/ ,p4 ,a4 ,segu9's book1 ,out ( ,hell & ,purgatory1 & he asks1 ,h[ old is ?is popi% comb9ation8 ,& well might he ask x4 ,if ! popes & c>d9als cont9ue to add to ! cre$ ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* 9 ! next few c5turies z !y h 9 ! pa/1 ,god help ! poor p :o cont9ue 9 t fai?1 = !y mu/ believe ea* & e "o ( ! practices & innovations4 ,:y ! pope1 purgatory1 sev5 sacram5ts necess>y = salvation1 wor%ip ( ! ,virg9 ,m>y1 ! immaculate conception ( ,m>y1 wor%ip ( images & /atues1 sale ( indulg5ces1 etc48 ,yes1 !re may be ,*ri/ianity 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic tea*+s & practices1 b if y wi% to f9d x y mu/ se>* = x4 ,if ! ,*ri/ianity exi/$ 9 ! ,roman ,ca?olic ,*ur* t %\ld be !re1 :y is !re s mu* rott5ness connect$ ) x8 ,:5ev] !re is any sc&al 7?is is a great ,roman ,ca?olic ^w7 9 ! ,prote/ant *ur*es1 is x hidd5 & tri$ to be kept d[n8 ,v]ily1 no6 ,x is sift$ ?r\gh1 & ! cause ( ! wrong is f\nd & right$4 ,b ,ar*bi%op ,*ri/ie knew !re 7 wrongs be+ p]petrat$ "r "h 9 ,portl&1 & he knew ,i knew x1 b n once did he endeavor to "r ^! wrongs4 ,read ?is lett] he wrote me soon aft] ,i left ! si/]hood4 ,9 expla9+ ?is lett]1 ,i w say t ! lett] he speaks ( f ,"m ,wilfrid 0 s5t to him by me at ! "t ,i s5t my lett]s = r$ress1 & x 0 ( su* a nature t ,i d n und]/& h[ he c\ld h =gott5 x s easily2 b1 d\btless1 he wi%$ to keep x r ?an to "k t ,i _h x4 ,portl&1 ,oregon1 ,may #af1 #aiab4 ,de> ,si/]3 ,i _c rememb] hav+ receiv$ a lett] f ,"m ,wilfrid4 ,y mu/ h s5t x to "s o!r p]son & n to me4 ,i hope & pray y w d no?+ :at w cause any sc&al4 ,ask+ ,god to bless & direct y1 ,i am s9c]ely 9 ,xto ,x ,a4 ,,*ri/ie4 ,if ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em w\ld clean up f )91 !re w\ld be no ne$ = ! ecclesia/ical au?orities to hope & pray t any ( ! si/]s :o left any ( _! in/itutions w\ld tell any?+ t w\ld cause any sc&al4 ,x 0 ev] s1 de> read]1 & x w always be4 ,! same rott5ness w always exi/ 9 ! ,*ur* ( ,rome t has always exi/$4 ,x 0 because ( ?is rott5ness & corruption t practically all ( ! ex-prie/s h left ,romanism1 & because ( ! wrongs p]petrat$ t practically all ( ! ex-nuns h left4 99 99 99 99 99 ,! conditions ,i h writt5 ab\t1 z ,i h liv$ !m1 n only exi/ 9 ! conv5ts ( ! ,pacific ,nor?we/1 b 9 o!r ,roman ,ca?olic conv5ts & mona/]ies1 z ! tea*+s & practices "h come f o!r conv5ts & ( necessity !y mu/ be ! same4 ,l fa!r1 l son4 ,!re may be a few exceptions1 :]e !re is conv5t inspection1 or "s o!r law gov]n+ !m1 b z a g5]al ?+ !y are z ,i h expla9$1 & 9 a great _m1 ! practices are rigor\s to ! extreme4 ,s1 ! great "q arises1 ,h[ are we go+ to bett] conditions8 ,i c\ld answ] ?is "q 9 a few words1 & x w\ld be ! mo/ logical answ]1 ,aboli% all ! conv5ts & mona/]ies4 ,in/itutions ( d>kness & ignorance & evil are surely n necess>y = ! salvation ( ! s\ls ( ! wom5 ( ?is c\ntry1 or ( any o!r c\ntry4 ,*ri/ did n in/itute any su* specifications :5 ,he 0 on e>?1 or did ,he leave !m 9 writt5 =m 9 ,8 ,holy ,^w4 ,! seclud+ ( girls & wom5 is a man-made in/itution1 & n = ! sav+ ( ! s\ls ( ! poor girls1 b = ! pr(it ( _! "w to ! *ur*4 ,is ?is ,*ri/ianity8 ,h[ long w ! ,am]ican p be bl9d to ?is religi\s cloak = graft--s*ool graft1 hospital graft1 laundry graft1 & v>i\s o!r sweat-%op grafts8 ,x is v conv5i5t = ! own]s ( ! pr(itable religi\s in/itutions to op]ate !m ) si/] s]vice )\t pay+ ei!r ! wages or taxes requir$ by ! own]s ( legitimate indu/ries4 ,?9k h[ x mu/ affect competition & ! wages ( free work]s4 ,slav]y ( any degree is a curse to society z well z to ! enslav$4 ,i beg e ,am]ican to look into ?is "q s]i\sly be=e x is too late4 ,if y cont9ue y\r sleepy indiff]5ce y may "s day wake up to f9d t y h ov]-slept1 to f9d t y\r own fle% & blood are be+ trick$ & exploit$ into ^! holy in/itutions4 ,"u no condition %\ld any in/itution1 private or public1 be p]mitt$ to immure girls & "y wom5 & keep !m 9 s]vitude1 hidd5 f _! p>5ts & fri5ds & d5i$ ! common ju/ice due e citiz54 ,! laws ( ?is c\ntry are made by ! p & = ! p1 & !re=e1 x is = ! p ( e /ate to see t !re is a law on ! /atute books call+ = ! inspection ( e in/itution :]e girls & wom5 are inc>c]at$2 ! doors op5$1 t ! tru? may be obta9$ f e inmate & r$ress grant$ to all )\t intimidation4 ,z ! conv5t sy/em is n[ 9 vogue !re is no r$ress1 z ,i h %[n y1 nor is !re any protection f ! conv5t crimes1 z !y are absolutely "u ! gov]nm5t ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic hi]>*y4 ,f beh9d ! conv5t walls ! he>tbrok5 cries ( ! victims _c be he>d by ! deceiv$ _w1 & !re=e1 !re is no appeal = ju/ice4 ,op5 ! doors ( e conv5t & mona/]y & let ! delud$ victims return to ! _w & live useful lives if !y s *oose6 ,let !m be free to come & g at w1 l any o!r citiz51 & grant !m ! lib]ty gu>ante$ by ! ,con/itution to all )9 our bord]s4 ,= ! nuns :o desire to leave ! conv5t sy/em1 !re %\ld be 9 e /ate a home :]e !y c "w out _! own salvation1 until su* a "t z !y are prep>$ to make _! own liv+4 ,su* a home %\ld be sup]vis$ 9 a mann] to gu>antee t ! inmates w n be intimidat$ by ! prie/s or o!r repres5tatives ( ,rome4 ,conv5t "w is all r\t9e1 & f ! v day a girl ent]s %e becomes z a spoke 9 a :eel2 h] ?\ghts1 judgm5t & body become an incorporate "p ( ! writt5 rule & cu/om>y obs]vances ( ! sy/em4 ,f long seclusion1 peculi> dress1 sep>ation f p & all civil society1 %e becomes e/rang$ to ! habits & cu/oms ( ! _w4 ,on acc\nt ( ^! conditions1 ! si/]s feel v s5sitive & x makes !m timid & %r9k 9 emb>rassm5t4 ,if x 0 n = ^! difficulties & b>ri]s1 & p]haps humiliations1 !re are hundr$s ( si/]s :o w\ld leave ! conv5t sy/em4 ,_m ( !m /ay1 n because !y desire to d s1 b because !y d n "k :]e to g or :at to d if !y leave4 ,i myself w\ld h left _m ye>s be=e1 _h ,i kn[n :]e to h gone or :at to h done4 ,ano!r ?+ e ,am]ican citiz5 %\ld "w = & see to1 is t no sect>ian s*ool or in/itution ( any nature %all receive f9ancial aid f ! ,/ate4 ,we are bless$ ) "o ( ! greate/ & be/ public s*ool sy/ems 9 ! _w1 & if !y are n good en\gh = ! p to s5d _! *ildr5 to1 !n ?is is no c\ntry = su* a p]son4 ,! taxpay] has en\gh to d )\t keep+ up a s*ool sy/em = ! purpose ( tea*+ ,hail6 ,m>y6 or ! ,roman ,ca?olic cate*ism4 ,nor d we want si/]s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic si/]hood tea*+ 9 our public s*ool1 attir$ 9 _! religi\s g>b4 ,^! si/]s h tak5 ! v[ ( pov]ty1 & yet draw _! mon?ly sal>y f ! ,/ate s*ool fund4 ,:o d y suppose gets ?is money8 ,surely n ! poor si/]6 ,x ( necessity goes to ! *ur*4 ,9 "o c\nty ( ?is /ate ( ,oregon we h sev5 si/]s ( ! si/]hood ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur* tea*+ 9 our public s*ools1 attir$ 9 _! religi\s g>bs4 ,?is in=mation comes direct f ! c\nty s*ool sup]9t5d5t's (fice4 ,take away ! p>o*ial s*ools & ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em c\ld n long survive 9 ?is c\ntry1 &1 z ,i h /at$ 9 ! beg9n+ ( ?is book1 ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em w\ld n ev5 h ! p>o*ial s*ools if x 7 n = our public s*ools4 ,!y mu/ h "s means ( combat+ ) ! popul> public education1 & to d s in/itute ! p>o*ial s*ools & dem& ( ! good memb]s ( _! p>i%es to s5d _! *ildr5 to !m4 ,s1 x behooves u to h a law compell+ e *ild betwe5 c]ta9 ages to att5d ! public s*ool & to refuse fur!r aid to sect>ian s*ools4 ,!odore ,roosevelt 9 8 ,am]ican ,ideals says3 444 ,we /& unalt]ably 9 favor ( ! public-s*ool sy/em 9 its entirety4 ,we believe t ,engli%1 & no o!r language1 is t 9 :i* all ! s*ool ex]cises %\ld be conduct$4 ,we are aga9/ any division ( ! s*ool fund1 & aga9/ any appropriation ( public money = sect>ian purposes4 ,we are aga9/ any recognition :atev] by ! /ate 9 any %ape or =m ( /ate-aid$ p>o*ial s*ools4 ,j]emiah ,j4 ,cr[ley says 9 8 book1 ,! ,p>o*ial ,s*ool1 ,a ,curse to ! ,*ur*1 ,a ,m5ace to ! ,nation3 ,! ,ca?olic p>o*ial s*ool 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates is n f\nd$ on loyalty to ! ,republic1 & ! ecclesia/ics :o control x w\ld ?rottle1 if !y c\ld1 ! lib]ties ( ! ,am]ican p4 ,x is my pr(\nd conviction t ! masses ( ! ,ca?olic p pref] ! public s*ools1 & t !y s5d _! *ildr5 to ! p>o*ial s*ools to avoid et]nal puni%m5t1 z _! pa/ors prea* f ! pulpit1 ',ca?olic p>5ts :o s5d _! *ildr5 to ! godless public s*ools are go+ /raight to hell4' ,aga9 ,mr4 ,cr[ley says3 ,ca?olic public s*ool oppon5ts decl>e t at lea/ "o-?ird ( ! ,am]ican p favor _! position4 ,i d5y x4 ,i am morally c]ta9 t n five p] c5t ( ! ,ca?olic m5 ( ,am]ica endorse at he>t ! p>o*ial s*ool4 ,!y may s5d _! *ildr5 to ! p>o*ial s*ools to keep peace 9 ! family & to avoid an op5 rupture ) ! p>i% rector2 !y may be induc$ to pass resolutions ( approval ( ! p>o*ial s*ool 9 _! lodges & conv5tions2 b if x ev] becomes a matt] ( blood1 n "o p] c5t ( !m w be f\nd outside ( ! ranks ( ! def5d]s ( ! ,am]ican public s*ools4 ,if a p]fectly free ballot c\ld be ca/ by ! ,ca?olic m5 ( ,am]ica = ! p]petuity or suppression ( ! p>o*ial s*ool1 x w\ld be suppress$ by an a/\nd+ majority4 ,! above quotations 7 writt5 by ,mr4 ,cr[ley :ile he 0 yet a prie/ 9 ! *ur* ( ,rome1 & he evid5tly knew :]e( he spoke4 ,i w comm5t no fur!r1 z ^! rem>ks speak = !mselves & v pla9ly4 ,be=e ,i close1 ,i wi% to w>n e ,prote/ant p>5t ab\t s5d+ _! *ildr5 to ,roman ,ca?olic in/itutions = "s special tra9+ :i* !y claim to be sup]ior 91 & at ! same "t raise !m to be ,prote/ants4 ,! in/ructors 9 ^! in/itutions w promise t !y w use no influ5ce to *ange ! *ild's religi\s belief1 b ! si/]s are b\nd by rule to conv]t e p]son to ! ,roman ,ca?olic fai? ) :om %e comes 9 contact1 if %e possibly c4 ,if influ5ce & co]cion are n us$1 ! environm5t is !re j ! same4 ,_m times s9ce ,i h left ! si/]hood1 mo!rs h come to me 9 te>s & grief & ask$ me to help !m keep _! daught]s f jo9+ ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur* or si/]hood4 ,!y w\ld tell me t :5 !y _h plac$ _! *ildr5 9 ^! in/itutions1 ! si/]s _h told !m t no influ5ce w\ld be us$ to *ange _! religi\s fai?4 ,maybe n1 b if su* a p]son does n acc$e to ! dem&s ( ^? 9 *>ge & g to mass & say ! pray]s ( a ,roman ,ca?olic1 conditions are made v disagreeable = !m & !y soon le>n t x is be/ = !m to g ?r\gh ! p]=mance1 ev5 ?\gh !y d n believe x4 ,!n1 z "t goes on1 ^! practices become imb$d$ 9 _! he>ts & m9ds1 until at la/ !y become hypnotiz$1 s to speak1 by ! sup]/iti\s tea*+ & practices ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion4 ,9 ?is small volume ,i h told ( ! practices & tea*+s ( ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur* & conv5t z ,i h liv$ !m4 ,i am sometimes ask$ if ,i c prove ?is or t4 ,if any ( y1 de> read]s1 w live ^! ?+s z ,i h liv$ !m !y w be reali/ic en\gh to y4 ,god's ,^w says1 ,ye %all "k ! tru? & ! tru? %all make y free4 ,i may h writt5 ) prejudice1 & ,i ask ,god to prejudice me aga9/ all wrong t ,i may live to d ,8 "w & glorify ,him4 ,he kn[s t ,i hold no ill-feel+ aga9/ any ,roman ,ca?olic individual--laity1 si/]1 prie/ or ar*bi%op4 ,b ! sy/em !y repres5t--! sy/em t ,i h s]v$ s fai?fully = s _m ye>s--,i h no sympa?y =4 ,:atev] a si/]1 prie/ or ar*bi%op may be1 ! sy/em has made !m4 ,i only hope & pray t !y w all see ! light & come out ( _! sup]/ition & live ! religi\s life !y ent]$ ! ,roman ,ca?olic *ur* to live4 ,god's ,^w says1 ,come out ( h]1 my p1 t ye be n p>tak]s ( h] s9s1 & t ye receive n ( h] plagues4 ,9 ! la/ l9es ( ?is book1 ,i wi% to plead ) ea* & e ,am]ican to /& = ! "r1 & d n be afraid to %[ y\r colors4 ,/& = ! true ,am]ican pr9ciples2 /& by t ,wond] ( ,wond]s1 ! ,m5ace--:i* has be5 a ,m>t9 ,lu!r 9 pr9t2 & above all1 /& toge!r4 ,unite--= )\t union !re is no /r5g?4 ,foll[ ! ,roman ,ca?olic sy/em 9 ?is respect4 ,& :5 ! patriotic m5 & wom5 d unite on "o common gr\nd & = ! "o cause--love ( ,god1 fre$om & c\ntry--!re ne$ be no fe> ( a second ,/4 ,b>?olemew's ,day2 !re ne$ be no fe> ( a repetition ( ! t]rible ,inquisition ( ,spa92 !re ne$ be no fe> ( int]nal /rife z poor1 blood-dr5*$ ,mexico is exp]i5c+ today4 ,all ,i ask is = y to ?9k on ! few ?\ghts ,i h endeavor$ to give y 9 pla9 words1 & to take ! w>n+ z com+ f "o :o liv$ = ?irty-"o ye>s4 ,,! ,,dem&s ,,( ,,rome ,yes1 a *ur* )\t a ,bible ,is l a %ip )\t a sail1 ,try+ to )/& ! tempe/ ,9 "s fe>ful1 h[l+ gale2 ,yes1 a *ur* )\t a ,bible ,is l a g5]al 9 ! fight1 ,:o is try+ empty-h&$ ,to put enemies to flight4 ,x w surely be defeat$2 ,foes )\t & foes )9 ,drag x onw>d1 d[nw>d1 plung+ ,9 a deep abyss ( s94 ,9 ! ,bible is _m a rem$y2 ,if 'twas hidd5 9 its he>t1 ,x f pagan rules & cu/oms ,w\ld =ev]more dep>t4 ,,app5dix4 ,i hesitate to add ?is app5dix1 = ,i h copi$ a great _m docum5ts & lett]s 9 ! prec$+ *apt]s4 ,b ?is case1 :i* ,i w pres5t to y1 w be additional pro( t ! same wrongs :i* ,i tri$ to "r1 exi/$ ye>s be=e & t !re 0 no r$ress4 ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t pres5t$ h] compla9t to h] local sup]iors1 b 0 utt]ly ignor$4 ,%e next address$ h]self to ,ar*bi%op ,paul ,bru*asie ( ,montreal1 :o 0 h] ecclesia/ical sup]ior4 ,ar*bi%op ,bru*asie answ]$ h]1 say+ t x 0 none ( h] affairs to be busy+ h]self ab\t ^! matt]s & t x w\ld be bett] = h] if %e w\ld say h] pray]s1 be an humble & ob$i5t religi\s4 ,t look+ aft] ! affairs ( ! community 0 h] sup]ior's bus9ess & t ,god w\ld puni% h] = h] presumption & pride4 ,%e !n address$ h]self to ! ,roman ,apo/olic ,delegate at ,wa%+ton1 ,d4 ,c41 ! foll[+ be+ a copy ( h] /atem5t 9 behalf ( ! si/]s ( ?is c\ntry3 ,i1 ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t1 a memb] ( ! ,ord] ( ! ,daught]s ( ,*>ity1 ,s]vants ( ! ,poor1 mo/ respectfully submit ! foll[+ articles to ! prop] ,ecclesia/ical ,au?orities--,subject ( ,compla9t1 involv+ a "r to dem& ju/ice by ! memb]s ( ! ,ord] :o are n ,fr5* or ,fr5* ,canadian4 ,all memb]s ( ! ,ord] :o are n ,fr5* or ,fr5* ,canadian are slaves4 ,to prove ! above ass]tion1 ,i w /ate facts z foll[s3 #a4 ,all ! high] (fic]s ( ! ,ord] su* z ,sup]ior ,g5]al1 ,c\ncillors ,g5]al1 ,prov9cial ,sup]ior & ,c\ncillors1 h always1 ) ! exception ( "o ,g]man ,prov9cial1 be5 ,fr5* ,canadian ,si/]s4 #b4 ,:5 rights h be5 call$ =1 only "o prov9cial c\ncillor 0 giv5 9 ! prov9ce1 :i* is manife/ly ( little practical utility1 %e be+ "o among five1 f\r ( :i* be+ ,canadian4 ,at ! la/ g5]al *apt]1 "o assi/ant g5]al 0 elect$1 & ?is only ?r\gh ! int]position ( ! ,ar*bi%op ( ,montreal4 ,z %e 0 ! "o :o _h fill$ ! (fice ( prov9cial c\ncillor 9 ! prov9ce ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t1 h] place 9 t c\ncil 0 left vacant1 & x 0 imm$iately fill$ by a ,canadian si/]4 #c4 ,! op5+ clause ( ,no4 #bjj ( our con/itution1 & all s5se ( ju/ice1 are flagrantly & (ficially violat$1 n only 9 ! ways above m5tion$1 b we are n ev5 p]mitt$ to h a suffici5t numb] ( repres5tatives 9 ! g5]al *apt]1 no1 nor ev5 "o4 ,& ?us sup]iors are ?ru/ ^u u )\t our cons5t--& laws ( :i* we _h no voice 9 ! mak+4 ,no4 #bjj ( our con/itution reads ?us3 ,! _s ( nationality mu/ be bani%$ z ! mo/ dang]\s enemy ( an in/itution creat$ to s]ve ! *ur* 9 all c\ntries ( ! e>?1 )\t di/9ction ( p or language1 etc4 #d4 ,:5 x 0 kn[n by ! ,sup]ior ,g5]al & h] c\ncil t compla9ts _h be5 made to ,ecclesia/ical ,sup]iors1 a memb] & repres5tative ( ! ,g5]al ,c\ncil 0 s5t to ! ,we/]n prov9ces1 & %e us$ h] utmo/ endeavors 9 our prov9cial h\se to make ! si/]s afraid to address compla9ts to ! ecclesia/ical sup]iors4 #e4 ,novices ( all o!r nationalities are receiv$ into all ! novitiates1 :o1 ( c\rse1 d n realize until aft] ! la/ v[s1 t !y are to be treat$ z subord9ates 9 ! ord]4 ,?us we occupy a position inf]ior to t ( ! coadjutrix si/]1 = !y are admitt$ only on condition ( be+ subject to ! vocal nuns1 & cons5t to ?is condition & !re=e are n slaves4 #f4 ,is x n a public insult to ! si/]s ( ?is c\ntry1 t only ,fr5* si/]s are con/antly kept 9 (fices :i* h relation ) secul>s8 ,& ?is enhanc$ by ! fact t ,fr5* si/]s are1 z a rule1 n suitable to gov]n an ,engli%-speak+ prov9ce1 z !y nei!r und]/& ! ways ( ! p nor ev5 ( ! si/]s n ,fr5*1 nor conduct matt]s 9 a mann] to d !m good1 n to speak ( _! imp]fect k ( ! language1 & t si/]s ( a rude & inf]ior "* are (t5 plac$ 9 relation ) outsid]s4 #g4 ,si/]s :o are n ,fr5* h be5 treat$ ) ! lea/ consid]ation1 ei!r z to _! heal? 7& ?is ev5 sometimes to ! extreme71 or to _! human feel+s4 ,& ! s*ools1 :i* are ( necessity taught by ,engli%-speak+ si/]s1 h be5 mu* neglect$ by ! ,canadian sup]iors z to equipm5t4 ,! only reason = ?is inju/ice t c\ld be alleg$ is t !re are no ,engli%-speak+ si/]s compet5t to fill ! (fices4 ,b ?is w\ld be false & absurd1 = f ! "t ( our ,f\ndresses1 !re h always be5 "s ( ^! :o 7 able to fill high (fices & conduct ! bus9ess ( ! ord]1 & at pres5t ,i c\ld m5tion _m :o are able = any?+ t might be ask$ = !m4 ,z = ! _s ( ! ,ord]1 is x n possess$ f> m fully by ^? :o h pati5tly & fai?fully toil$ dur+ long ye>s "u an unju/ adm9i/ration1 r ?an ^? :o (ficially & p]si/5tly c>ry on matt]s 9 a _s ( nationality8 ,!re=e1 9 ! "n ( ju/ice1 9 ! "n ( all ( our pr(ess$ si/]s :o are afraid to compla9 to ,ecclesia/ical ,sup]iors1 9 ! "n ( ^? :o are too "y to realize ! position ?ru/ ^u !m1 9 ! "n ( future memb]s ( ! ,ord]1 & 9 my "n1 ,i mo/ respectfully ask & dem& ( ! prop] ,ecclesia/ical ,au?ority to arrange ^! matt]s 9 ! _s ( religion & ju/ice4 ,z a simple comm& giv5 9 writ+ or by ^w ( m\?1 or ev5 ins]t$ 9 ! ,cu/om>y w\ld h no o!r ?an tempor>y effect1 ,i %all consid] my petition grant$ only :5 !re w be ins]t$ 9 ! con/itution an explicit & emphatic rule t w give u our own rights & =ev] prohibit all su* inju/ice & tyranny4 ,x seems to me t 9 all consci5ce x has be5 borne too long & t aft] fifty ye>s ( endurance we %\ld h our rights z soon z possible4 ,i feel confid5t t ! wise & holy rul]s ( ! ,*ur* w z soon z possible act 9 accordance ) ^! pr9ciples4 ,rev]5tly1 & ) pr(\nd respect1 ,i sign myself an humble & ob$i5t *ild ( ! ,*ur* ,,si/] ,,paul ,,( ,,! ,,sacr$ ,,he>t4 ,z soon z x 0 report$ at ! v>i\s h\ses ( ! ord] t ,si/] ,paul 0 endeavor+ to obta9 ! enactm5t ( rules = ! equal recognition ( all si/]s1 ! local sup]ior ( "o ( ^! h\ses wrote a lett] conta9+ a petition to ! ,"m ,h\se1 ask+ !m n to recognize ! appeal ( ,si/] ,paul = ju/ice4 ,?is lett] & petition 0 s5t f h\se to h\se1 obta9+ all ! signatures possible4 ,sev]al si/]s told me t !y 7 reque/$ to sign ! petition )\t be+ all[$ to read ! cont5ts4 ,! foll[+ is a copy ( ! lett] & petition writt5 by ,si/] ,m4 ,alex&]3 ,provid5ce ,hospital1 ,ev]ett1 ,wa%41 ,janu>y #i1 #aije4 ,my v de> ,si/]3 ,y are no d\bt aw>e t = "s "t pa/ our poor1 misguid$ ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t has be5 try+ to create disunion & dissatisfaction 9 ! ,community1 p>ticul>ly among ^? :o are n ,fr5* or ( ,canadian bir?4 ,%e has gone s f> z to write to ! high] ecclesia/ical au?ority to obta9 r$ress = fanci$ wrongs :i* h no exi/5ce save 9 h] disord]$ imag9ation4 ,%e has us$ our names )\t our k or cons5t to give color & /r5g? to h] ass]tions4 ,!re=e 9 ju/ice to ourselves1 p]sonally & collectively1 x is high "t = u to act 9 a way s dignifi$1 vigor\s & religi\s t our loyalty & unsw]v+ fidelity to our belov$ community may nev] be que/ion$2 & t ?is te/imonial ( our devotion to ! gov]nm5t1 cu/oms & usages ( ! ord] to :i* we h ! happ9ess ( belong+1 may be plac$ on ! record 9 ! ar*ives ( ! ,"m ,h\se & ( ! ,prov9cial ,h\se z an und5iable pro( t we =ev] abhor any act or ^w or de$ contr>y to ! _s ( our *]i%$ ,"m ,h\se or its pa/ or pres5t or future gov]nm5t4 ,!re=e1 let ea* ,am]ican ,si/] 7,memb]7 sign ! accompany+ docum5t1 act ( submission1 freely & will+ly accord+ to ! dictates ( h] consci5ce4 ,let ! docum5t be transmitt$ 9 regul> ord] to all ! h\ses ( ! ,prov9ce & !n =w>d$ to our wor?y ,"m ,prov9cial t %e may h ! satisfaction ( convey+ to our e/eem$ ,"m ,g5]al ?is undy+ pro( ( our filial devotion & ev]la/+ atta*m5t4 ,docum5t--,we1 ! und]sign$1 d h]eby c]tify t ! action ( ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t aga9/ ! ,community1 & t h] ass]tions t ! con/itutions are (ficially violat$ 9 ! abs5ce ( ,am]ican memb]s f ! g5]al & prov9cial c\ncils is condemn$ by u4 ,we d5\nce any act by :i* %e ?reat5s division on ! gr\nd ( nationality4 ,we decl>e our refusal to take "p 9 any act aga9/ ! gov]nm5t ( ! community4 ,we fur!r pl$ge allegiance & loyalty to our community & sup]iors 9 (fice & recognize _! au?ority z em9at+ f ,god4 ,,si/] ,m4 ,,alex&]4 ,answ] ( ,si/] ,paul to ! docum5t circulat$ by ,si/] ,m4 ,alex&]3 ,i1 ,si/] ,paul ( ! ,sacr$ ,he>t1 positively decl>e t ,i nev] tri$ to create disunion 9 ! community1 nor h ,i ev] ei!r tak5 any action aga9/ ! community or endeavor$ to incite any o!r ,si/] to d s4 ,nei!r h ,i advocat$ division or rebellion1 b h spok5 aga9/ bo? ^!4 ,nor h ,i s5t ! names ( ! si/]s to high] ecclesia/ical sup]iors4 ,all t ,i h done t[>ds ameliorat+ exi/+ conditions is ! foll[+3 ,i h writt5 to high] ecclesia/ical au?orities & spok5 to !m1 z ,i h a p]fect "r to d & %all d s aga9 if ,i feel su* to be my duty4 ,i also advis$ o!r si/]s to address ecclesia/ical sup]iors conc]n+ :at o!r si/]s ( s\nd m9d1 z well z myself1 consid]$ to be an inju/ice4 ,^! matt]s are public1 & we h a "r to speak ( !m4 ,fur!rmore1 ,i h spok5 only to si/]s :o h sp5t "s ye>s 9 ! ,ord]2 :ile ! sl&]+ pap] dat$ ,ev]ett1 ,janu>y #i1 #aije1 :i* 0 s5t to ! ,am]ican si/]s ( ?is prov9ce = !m to sign1 0 giv5 into ! h&s ( v "y si/]s4 ,i decl>e t pap] to be a libel aga9/ my "*1 z is easily p]ceiv$ on read+ x toge!r ) :at ,i h writt5 above4 ,i !re=e dem&1 9 ju/ice to myself1 t a copy ( ?is pres5t writ+ be pa/$ bel[ ! writ+ ( ea* ( ! two copies ( ! pap] circulat$ = ! ,am]ican si/]s ( ! ,prov9ce to sign1 :i* are kept respectively 9 ! ar*ives ( ! ,"m ,h\se 9 ,montreal & 9 ^? ( ! ,prov9cial ,h\se 9 ,vanc\v]4 ,i also decl>e1 t until my reputation %all be fully cle>$ f ! false accusations conta9$ 9 t pap]1 ,i %all consid] myself z liv+ "u ! unju/ action or sanction ( ! responsible sup]iors4 ,h\se ( ,provid5ce1 ,vanc\v]1 ,wa%41 ,dec4 #ad?1 #aijf4 ,! result3 ,si/] ,alex&] 0 made sup]ior & 0 elevat$ to ! v be/ h\ses ( ! ord]1 among !m ,/4 ,v9c5t's ,hospital1 ,portl&1 ,oregon4 ,?is is ! same ,si/] ,alex&] :o 0 sup]ior :5 ,i 0 tak5 out ( ,/4 ,v9c5t's4 ,si/] ,paul 0 s5t to ! ,"m ,h\se 9 ,montreal1 ,canada1 to :ile away h] "t translat+ ,fr5* into ,engli%4