,,memoir ,,of ,,mary ,l4 ,,ware1 ,,wife ,,of ,,henry ,,ware1 ,,jr4 ,,by ,,edward ,b4 ,,hall4 ,seventh ,thousand4 ,,boston3 ,,crosby1 ,,nichols1 ,,and ,,company4 ,,new ,,york3 ,,charles ,s4 ,,francis ,,and ,,company #ahed4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #aheb1 by ,,crosby1 ,,nichols1 ,,and ,,company1 in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court of the ,district of ,massachusetts4 ,,cambridge3 ,,stereotyped ,,and ,,printed ,,by ,,metcalf ,,and ,,company1 ,,printers ,,to ,,the ,,university4 ,illustration ,,contents4 ,i4 ,,introduction ,,ii4 ,,childhood ,parentage4--,character of the ,mother4--,first ,training of ,mary ,pickard4--,early ,visit to ,england4--,friends there4--,voyage ,home4--,extracts from ,letters4--,residence in ,boston4--,pearl ,street4--,first ,friendships4--,nature and ,education4--,a ,friend's ,description of ,mary4 ,,iii4 ,,mental ,,and ,,moral ,,culture ,school at ,hingham4--,a ,teacher's ,reminiscence4--,sickness and ,death of ,mrs4 ,pickard4--,mary's ,position4--,her ,father's ,circumstances4--,dr4 ,park's ,school4--,earliest ,letters4--,thoughts and ,themes4--,chosen ,friend4--,peculiar ,confidence4--,return to ,hingham4--,teacher's ,account4--,moral ,decision and ,declaration4--,letters4--,joining the ,church4--,henry ,ware4 ,,iv4 ,,discipline ,,and ,,character ,mr4 ,pickard's ,embarrassments4--,his ,correspondence with ,mary4--,her ,sympathy and ,faith4--,her ,teacher's ,testimony to her ,piety4--,she leaves ,hingham4--,her ,grandfather's ,death4--,devotion to her ,grandmother4--,visit to ,northampton4--,her ,self-distrust4--,interest in ,dr4 ,churning4--,letters on his ,preaching1 and ,interview with him4--,correspondence with ,miss ,cushing4--,death of her ,grandmother4 ,v4 ,,changes ,,at ,,home ,leaving ,pearl ,street4--,fears for the ,future4--,pecuniary ,means4--,business and ,travel4--,new ,york and ,baltimore4--,mr4 ,pickard's ,displeasure4--,return to ,boston4--,letters on ,providence and ,bereavement4--,death of ,j4 ,e4 ,abbot4--,living in ,dorchester4--,morbid ,feelings4--,marriage of her ,friend4--,her own ,trials4--,influence upon others4--,interesting ,case4--,dr4 ,channing's ,absence and ,return4--,death of her ,father4 ,,vi4 ,,visit ,,abroad ,loneliness4--,invitation to go ,abroad4--,letters relating to it4--,a ,friend's ,admiration4--,arrival in ,england4--,mrs4 ,freme4--,letters from ,london and ,broadwater4--,isle of ,wight4--,paris4--,her ,friends' ,return to ,america4--,she remains with ,relatives in ,england4--,chatham4--,burcombe ,house4--,many ,letters4--,arrival of ,e4 ,p4 ,f4 from ,america4--,letters from ,sydenham4--,tour to ,scotland4--,description of the ,country4 ,,vii4 ,,scenes ,,of ,,suffering ,the ,poor ,aunt4--,osmotherly4--,sickness and ,sorrow among ,kindred4--,mary the ,chief ,nurse and ,devoted ,laborer4--,details in ,successive ,letters4--,she goes to ,penrith4--,recalled to ,osmotherly4--,further ,changes4--,her own ,sickness4--,anxiety of ,friends in ,england and ,america4--,joy at her ,escape4 ,,viii4 ,,new ,,relations ,return from ,england4--,welcome ,home4--,labors of ,love4--,henry ,ware's ,preaching4--,interest and ,engagement4--,their ,letters to ,friends4--,views of the ,relation of ,stepmother4--,parish ,relations and ,duties4--,sense of ,responsibility4--,desire of ,usefulness4--,visit to ,northampton4--,disappointments4--,husba nd's ,illness at ,ware4--,she goes to him4--,thence to ,worcester4--,birth of her ,first ,child4--,husband's ,journey for ,health4--,poetical ,epistle to his ,wife4--,newton4--,return to ,sheafe ,street4--,attachment and ,removal4--,brookline4--,plan for ,cambridge4--,thoughts of ,europe4--,end of ,parish ,life4 ,,ix4 ,,european ,,tour ,sailing for ,england with her ,husband4--,her ,feelings at leaving the ,children4--,difference between this and her former ,visit4--,her ,husband's ,sickness and ,depression4--,the ,great ,trial4--,their ,route4--,england and ,scotland4--,the ,continent4--,geneva and ,letters4--,the ,treatise on ,christian ,character4--,italy4--,naples and ,rome4--,annual to ,mrs4 ,paine4--,birth of a ,daughter4--,mr4 ,ware's ,discouragement4--,mrs4 ,ware's ,anxiety4--,her ,account of ,sufferings and ,exertions4--,their ,return to ,france and ,england4--,his ,excursion alone4--,her ,provision for her ,aunt4--,letter to her ,children4--,passage ,home4--,husband's ,illness4--,arduous ,offices4--,her ,view of her own ,constitution4 ,x4 ,,life ,,in ,,cambridge ,final ,leave of the ,parish in ,boston4--,removal to ,cambridge--,new ,position4--,chief ,anxieties4--,pecuniary ,straits4--,mrs4 ,ware's ,sickness1 long and serious4--,husband's ,feelings4--,emma's ,visit4--,letters to ,mrs4 ,paine and ,emma4--,mrs4 ,ware's ,recovery and ,summons to ,concord4--,mr4 ,ware's ,illness there1 and ,apprehensions4--,her ,use of the ,warning1 and ,habit of ,preparation4--,death of her ,son ,robert4--,her ,account4--,devotion to her ,children4--,letters to ,john4--,cases of ,hospitality4--,crowded1 but never worried4--,journal to ,john4--,letters at the ,end of #ahcb and #ahcc4--;,dangerous ,illness of a ,child4 ,,xi4 ,,life ,,in ,,cambridge4 7,,continued47 ,prudence in ,sickness4--,mrs4 ,ware's ,view of it1 and ,experience4--,her ,principle and ,practice in ,regard to ,dress4--,exemption from ,sickness4--,social and ,private ,efforts for ,others4--,moral ,cases4--,general ,intercourse4--,sympathy with ,children4--,hatred of ,gossip4--,husband's ,severe ,illness in #ahcf4--,the ,aid she rendered him4--,her ,interest in the ,theological ,students4--,their ,testimony to her ,kindness and ,influence4--,pecuniary ,embarrassment--,death of a ,sister4--,view of ,events and ,circumstances4--,continued ,mercies4--,pleasant ,letters4--,a ,change approaching4--,various ,records4--,her ,husband goes to ,new ,york4--,his ,sickness there1 and her ,joining him4--,return1 and ,resignation of ,office4--,dark ,prospects4--,strong ,faith and ,hope4--,leaving ,cambridge4 ,,xii4 ,,life ,,in ,,framingham ,pain of ,removal4--,new ,residence4--,generosity of ,friends4--,extracts from ,letters4--,faithful ,domestic4--,views of ,service4--,larger ,extracts4--,death of ,dr ,channing4--,kindness of ,neighbors4--,mr4 ,ware's ,illness in ,boston4--,her ,feelings4--,return to ,framingham4--,his ,jaunts and final ,sickness4--,his ,death4--,first ,sabbath4--,burial at ,cambridge4--,letters to ,children and ,friends4--,isolation and ,suffering4--,labor1 ,mental and ,manual4--,preparation of a ,memoir4--,communion with her ,husband and the ,departed ,ones4--,letters to her ,son4--,looking for a new ,residence4--,decision for ,milton4--,last ,record of ,framingham4 ,,xiii4 ,,life ,,in ,,milton ,mrs4 ,ware's ,fears of ,loss of ,power4--,first ,letter from ,milton1 describing her ,condition4--,progress of ,mind seen in her ,letters4--,views of ,education4--,reliance upon her ,children4--,various ,records4--,the ,new ,cottage4--,love of ,nature4--,beginning of ,disease4--,continued ,work4--,school4--,views of separating ,children4--,trust for ,things ,temporal and ,spiritual4--,annuals for #ahde and #ahdf4--,letters of ,sympathy4--,letters to her ,children4--,son at ,exeter4--,her ,visit there4--,views of ,preaching and ,preachers4--,tribute of a ,pastor4--,family ,religion4--,important ,letters4--,equanimity in ,sickness4--,death of ,emma4--,visit to ,cambridge4--,end of the ,year4--,the ,time yet remaining4 ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,end ,last ,days natural1 not wonderful4--,quietness and ,enjoyment4--,relative ,duties4--,decline of ,strength4--,disclosure of her ,disease4--,private ,paper4--,visit to her ,son4--,once more a ,nurse and ,helper4--,sinking and ,rallying4--,accounts of her by ,friends4--,her own ,account4--,influence upon ,others4--,her ,pain at being praised4--,letter from ,england4--,her last ,letter4--,conversation on the ,future4--,her ,pastor's ,visit4--,closing ,expressions4--,her ,husband's ,words4--,death and ,burial4--,conclusion4 ,,memoir4 ,i4 ,,introduction4 ,the life of an unpretending ,christian woman is never lost4 ,written or unwritten1 it is and ever will be an active power among the elements that form and advance society4 ,yet the written life will speak to the larger number1 will be wholly new to many1 and to all may carry a healthy impulse4 ,there are none who are not strengthened and blessed by the knowledge of a meek1 firm1 consistent character1 formed by religious influences1 and devoted to the highest ends4 ,and where this character has belonged to a daughter1 wife1 and mother1 who has been seen only in the retired domestic sphere1 there may be the more reason that it be transferred to the printed page and an enduring form1 because of the very modesty which adorned it1 and which would never proclaim itself4 ,such are our feelings in regard to the subject of the following ,memoir1 and such our reasons for offering it to the public4 ,it has not been without scruple1 and after an interval of years1 that the family and nearest friends of ,mrs4 ,ware have consented to the publication of facts and thoughts so private and sacred as many which must appear in a faithful transcript of her life4 ,perhaps this reluctance always exists1 particularly in regard to a woman and a mother4 ,in this instance it has been very strong1 and it is but just that it be made known4 ,never was there a woman1 we may believe1 more retiring or peculiarly domestic than she of whom we are to speak4 ,never1 we are sure1 were the materials of a life more entirely private1 and in one sense confidential1 than those which we are to use2 for letters are all the materials we have1 and letters written in the unrestrained freedom of personal friendship1 in the midst of pressing cares1 and with a rapidity and unstudied naturalness1 which will appear in all the extracts1 but are still more manifest in the entire originals4 ,her correspondence was voluminous1 to an extent unsurpassed perhaps in a life so quiet1 with no pretence to literary character1 and nothing ever written except for the eye of the receiver4 ,how would the writer have felt1 had she supposed these letters were ever to be opened to the public eye8 ,it is a question which many ask1--some with pain1 some with decided disapproval4 ,it is a question which we have asked ourselves1 and we prefer to answer it before we enter upon the work4 ,to answer it unfavorably1 to yield to this natural reluctance to publish any thing designed to be private1 and in its nature personal1 would deprive us of the best biographies that are written4 ,it would restrict to single families1 and to a brief period1 the knowledge of facts and features1 of all most reliable1 most valuable4 ,indeed1 it is this very fact of humility and reserve1 of freedom and naturalness1 indulged in confidential communion and the quiet of home1 that reveals most the reality of virtue1 force of character1 disinterested nobleness1 and the power of religion4 ,who is willing that the knowledge of such examples should be withheld from the many who crave it1 and whom it would stimulate and bless8 ,shall we make no sacrifice of our own feelings1 supposing it to require one1 shall we hoard exclusively for our own use the richest of ,god's gifts1 when those by whom the gifts have come to us spent their lives in service and sacrifice for us8 ,to these obvious considerations1 we will add our firm faith in the knowledge which departed friends have of the motives from which we are acting1 and of the influence which their own modest virtues and lowly efforts on earth may exert upon those remaining here2 thus continuing1 in a higher and surer way1 the very work for which the loved and the pure always live1 and are willing to die4 ,it is in point1 not only for our immediate purpose1 but for the exhibition in part of the character we would delineate1 to say that these were the feelings of ,mrs4 ,ware herself1 in regard to a memoir of her husband4 ,public as a large portion of his life was1 she shrunk from the exposure of that which was private1 and which seemed to be sacredly committed to her own keeping4 ,she remembered1 too1 his peculiar sensitiveness in this connection1 and the injunctions he gave when under the influence of disease and depression4 ,but another voice came to her from his present higher abode and larger vision2 and thus she wrote to a friend1 of the conflict and the decision1 in language applicable now to her own case3--,i cannot tell you the agony it has given me at times1 to realize that that sacred inner life1 which ,i had felt was my own peculiar trust1 was no longer mine1 but was to be shared by the whole world4 ,but this was sinful1 selfish1 earthly2 and ,i have gradually left it all far behind1 and can now only be glad that such a life is shown for the aid and encouragement of others4 ,it is our desire to give to this ,memoir as much as possible of the character of an autobiography4 ,we have few facts except those found in the letters1 with the advantage of an intimate intercourse for more than twenty years4 ,in the several hundred letters and notes that have been put into our hands1 there is nothing that might not appear1 so far as any one else is concerned4 ,this fact is well worthy of note1 as belonging to the character1 and revealing a remarkable elevation and purity of thought1--that in such a mass of free epistolary writing1 from different countries and to persons of every age1 not a single severe stricture1 not one unkind allusion or offensive personality1 much less any approach to petty gossip1 can be found4 ,we feel the greater freedom in making copious extracts2 and shall attempt little more than so to arrange and connect them as to give a fair view of the whole life1 or rather of the mind and character that appear in every part of the life4 ,that a life so private contained such a variety of incident1 and a measure of unavoidable publicity1 was the ordering of ,providence2 and may serve to show that the sphere of woman1 even the most domestic and silent1 is broad enough for the most active intellect and the largest benevolence4 ,,ii4 ,,childhood4 ,mary ,lovell ,pickard was an only child1 her parents having but one other1 who died an infant before the birth of ,mary4 ,she was born in ,atkinson ,street1 ,boston1 on the #b;d of ,october1 #agih4 ,mark ,pickard1 her father1 was an ,english merchant1 who came to this country on business1 and remained here4 ,her mother was ,mary ,lovell1 daughter of ,james ,lovell1 and granddaughter of ,master ,lovell1 so long known as a classical teacher in ,boston4 ,james ,lovell1 the grandfather of the subject of this ,memoir1 was a man of mind and influence4 ,he had been active in the ,revolutionary war1 and was once made prisoner at ,halifax1 sharing there1 it is said1 the prison of ,ethan ,allen4 ,subsequently he was a prominent member of the ,continental ,congress1 and at the adoption of the ,constitution received the appointment of ,naval ,officer in the ,boston custom-house1 a place which he retained until his death4 ,a man of free and bold thought1 associating much at one time with ,french officers1 ,mr4 ,lovell adopted some infidel principles1 became familiar and fond of ,paine's arguments1 and1 as we are led to infer1 treated religion with little respect in his family2 the family in which ,mary ,pickard1 as well as her mother1 passed her childhood and youth4 ,james ,lovell had nine children1 but only one daughter1 ,mary1 who grew up the idol of the family4 ,at the age of twenty-five she married ,mark ,pickard1 who was seventeen years her senior1 but not her equal in intellect or energy1 we infer1 yet always kind and most tenderly attached to her4 ,she was a woman of rare excellence1 in whose character1 as drawn by those still living who knew her well1 we can see1 as usual1 much that accounts for the character of the daughter4 ,mrs4 ,pickard had been educated in ,boston1 and well educated1 having a naturally vigorous mind and strong common sense4 ,she was a woman of self-culture1 loving books and choosing the best1 conversing with marked propriety as well as ease1 and exhibiting decided energy and generosity of character4 ,in person1 she is described as remarkable2 of so commanding figure1 benignant countenance1 and dignified demeanor1 as to draw general observation in public1 and suggest the thought once expressed by a gentleman of intelligence1--,she seems to me as if she were born for an empress4 ,yet her empire was only the home1 and her life peculiarly domestic2 with enough of discipline and change to prove her fortitude1 but never to damp her cheerfulness4 ,she was a ,christian4 ,in early life1 perhaps from causes already referred to1 her mind had been disturbed1 and apparently doubts raised1 though never fixed1 by sceptical writers and so-called philosophical reasoners1--more common in good society then than now1 and more bold and insidious1 notwithstanding our complaints of present degeneracy4 ,a gentleman to whom ,mrs4 ,pickard had once communicated her difficulties1 and who was less a believer than she1 spoke of her the day after her death1 in reference to that conflict1 as one of strong mind1 who took nothing upon trust even at that early age when she approached him with obstinate questionings4 ,whatever the effect upon his faith1 her own was strengthened by all inquiry and experience4 ,she was a member of the ,episcopal ,church1 though apparently less a devotee to its ritual than ,mr4 ,pickard4 ,not sect1 but piety1 was the source of her power and peace4 ,in religion1 says one most intimate1 she was unostentatious and charitable1 but decided and sincere2 and her whole life was an exhibition of the ascendancy of principle over mere taste and feeling4 ,such was the mother1 who was the constant companion and instructor of an only daughter1 through the whole of childhood2 for ,mary never attended school1 that we can find1 until she was nearly thirteen years old4 ,but in that best of schools for the very young1 an intelligent and quiet home1 she was well instructed in the common branches1 in habits of order1 refinement1 and frugality1 in principles of undeviating truth and integrity1 and in that most essential of all accomplishments for a girl1 whether in ordinary or exalted station1 the use of the needle4 ,her mother also taught her to sing1 being herself passionately fond of music1 with one of the sweetest voices1 and1 though not a great performer1 enough so to impart a love of it to her child which always continued1 associated with holy recollections4 ,often1 says one1 at early evening1 just before going to rest1 have ,i seen the little girl upon her mother's lap1 and have heard her singing her evening hymn3-- ',teach me to live1 that ,i may dread ,the grave as little as my bed'2 c4 ,in ,january1 #ahjb1 ,mr4 ,pickard was called to ,england on business1 and took with him his wife and the little ,mary1 then but three years old4 ,they remained there a year and a half1 visiting both his and her relatives1 in different parts of the kingdom2 ,mrs4 ,pickard being connected1 on her mother's side1 with ,alexander ,middleton1 a ,scotch farmer1 in whose family ,ferguson1 the astronomer1 lived as a shepherd boy1 and of whom1 with his wife and three children1 there are still existing likenesses drawn in pencil by that lad1 so celebrated as a man4 ,among such friends1 and in such new scenes1 we can believe a deep impression would be taken by an observing1 thoughtful child1 though at an age when it is considered of little consequence what a child sees or hears4 ,mary never forgot the enjoyment or the instruction of that visit4 ,when she was again in ,england1 twenty years later1 she wrote her friends here that she was surprised to find herself recognizing her old home in ,guildford ,street1 ,london1 and other objects with which she was then familiar4 ,and years afterwards1 when her own children came round her with the never-satisfied request1 ,mother1 do tell us about when you were a little girl1 the standing favorites were incidents which occurred either in ,england or on the voyage home1 and particularly the following4 ,during the voyage1 her fifth birthday came round1 and the captain promised her baked potatoes for her dinner1 but1 as the cook burnt them1 threatened to give him the cat-o'nine-tails2 when poor little ,mary1 not taking the joke1 burst into tears1 and begged him not to hurt the kind1 good sailor1 who didn't mean to burn the potatoes4 ,a lady who came as passenger in the same vessel1 has told us of the peculiar sweetness of little ,mary1 and the universal interest and love inspired by her in the ship's company4 ,and this from no outward attractions1 or efforts to commend herself1 but by the simple power of goodness1 and her ever-prompt obedience4 ,if inclined to go anywhere1 or do any thing1 not approved by her mother1 it was always enough to say1--,it will make me unhappy1 my child1 if you do that4 ,a few extracts which we are permitted to make from letters that passed1 during this absence abroad1 between ,mrs4 ,pickard and her parents1 will help to show the respect and affection which the daughter inspired1 as well as the interest felt in the little granddaughter4 ,under date of ,january #aj1 #ahjb1 ,james ,lovell writes from ,boston to his daughter in ,england3-- ,i constantly recur to the joyful consideration1 that you1 though absent1 are still left to me1 an amiable object1 within the reach of hope1 and a source of expected comfort for my last days4 ,i think of you1 at this moment1 as safely arrived with your most worthy husband1 and my ,none-such1 in health1 and happy among your friends4 ,my engagements in office1 especially since ,general ,lincoln has been confined by sickness at ,hingham1 have occupied me very much4 ,though it is evening1 little ,dickey is bristling up and attempting to sing1 that ,i may not forget to tell my dear little ,molly ,pitty how constantly he looks for her in the morning1 at the rattling of the tongs and fender4 ,kiss the dear child for me4 ,,james ,,lovell1--need ,i add1 your affectionate father8 ,in ,february1 #ahjc1 ,mrs4 ,pickard writes home to her mother3-- ,your pickles and berries came in good order1 and were very acceptable1 particularly to my darling ,mary4 ,she often thanks you for them1 and is now writing to you1 and interrupts me every minute to hear her read her letter4 ,my father must not laugh1 and say ,i call my goose a swan2 every one allows she is a charming child4 ,you will not be able to deny her a large portion of your love1 though you have so many lovely ones with you4 ,she has been an inexhaustible source of comfort to me since ,i left you2 and1 as if she knew it would please us all1 most of her conversation is of home and the friends she left there4 ,she has a sad cold1 but she says she is always happy4 ,farewell1 dear mother4 ,god bless you all4 ,march1 #ahjc4 ,from the same3-- ,we are still in ,guildford ,street1 but think of going into the country1 where ,mary may have more field for exercise4 ,she is pretty well1 but wants a little country air4 ,i wish you knew all her little chat about you1 so pleasing to hear1 but so foolish to write4 ,she is very tall and lively4444 ,mr4 ,p4 is even more anxious than ,i to go home4 ,mary is the only contented one4 ,she is happy all the time4 ,she has a very sweet disposition1 and ,i hope will one day be as great a comfort to you as she is to me4 ,she is telling me a thousand little affectionate things to say to you4 ,in the fall of this year the family returned to ,boston1 and lived with ,mrs4 ,lovell in ,pearl ,street2 and there1 with parents and grandparents1 ,mary found a home1 whose blessing filled her heart1 and never left her to the day of her death4 ,the home of her childhood1--how reverently and tenderly did she revert to it1 through all the scenes of a changing and eventful life6 ,often has she said1 that she was continually carried back1 not only in her waking1 but her sleeping hours1 to the old ,pearl ,street house and garden2 assembling the various friends of all the different periods of her life1 in dream-like incongruity1 in the little parlor1 with its black-oak wainscoting4 ,there also were formed some of those first friendships1 which do not cease with childhood1 but affect the happiness of a lifetime4 ,the other half of the block in which they lived was occupied by ,colonel ,t4 ,h4 ,perkins1 and with his children1 of whom some were near her own age1 she grew up in terms of daily intimacy4 ,in the partition between the two houses there were doors which were entirely closed1 except their keyholes2 and through these1 ,mary and her favorite companion used to sing to each other all the songs we could muster1 and exchange notes and experiences1 the pleasure enhanced1 no doubt1 by the excitement of the little mystery occasioned by so peculiar a mode of communication4 ,so far as our scanty materials of this period enable us to judge1 we infer that in the training of this favorite child there was a singularly wise union of control and indulgence4 ,mrs4 ,pickard seems not to have been one of the parents who think control and indulgence incompatible2 nor does it appear that ,mary was inclined to refuse the one1 or abuse the other4 ,the true training1 we suppose1--if there be any rule for all1--is that which allows to children all the freedom and enjoyment consistent with deference to authority1 refined manners1 and fixed principles of truth1 gentleness1 and unselfishness4 ,that these principles may be inculcated without sternness or perpetual restraint1 indeed with a large allowance for the necessary activity and often irrepressible exuberance of childhood's spirit1 few can doubt1 though so many deny or forget it in practice4 ,from the views which ,mrs4 ,ware herself always expressed on this subject1 and the reverence and gratitude with which she adverted to her own childhood1 we are confirmed in the impression1 that such was her uniform experience at home1 and with the happiest effect4 ,it has been said1 writes a friend of her mother1 that she was much indulged2 and ,i believe it may be said so with truth4 ,but she was not indulged in idleness1 selfishness1 and rudeness2 she was indulged in healthful sports1 in abundance of playthings1 in pleasant excursions1 and in companionship with other children1 as much as might be convenient4 ,i never knew her to be teasing and importunate1 obstinate or contradictory4 ,nor is this to be ascribed1 as many will be ready to ascribe it1 to natural temperament and a peculiar exemption from ordinary temptations and trials4 ,of few persons1 perhaps1 would this be more generally inferred or confidently asserted1 from a knowledge merely of her subsequent character4 ,it is on this account that we refer to it particularly1 and for this not least that we value the example4 ,for we know it was not a case of peculiar exemption and easy control1 but rather a remarkable instance of early conflict1 the power of principle1 and perpetual self-discipline4 ,this we gather from occasional hints in conversation1 and from letters to her own children1 some of which will appear in their proper place4 ,at present1 we only adduce1 for the right understanding both of this and later periods of her life1 one or two short passages1 like the following1 from a letter to a daughter4 ,the tendency to self-indulgence was also one of my trials1 in early life1 when ,i grew rapidly and had poor health4 ,my trials of temper were different from yours1 but they were very great4 ,what a comfort it is1 that1 although those who see only the outside can never compute what is resisted1 all our struggles are known and appreciated by ,him who looketh on the heart as it is2 and that ,he who alone can give us strength is thus enabled to know when and how it is needed4 ,to this brief sketch of her childhood we venture to add an extract from a letter just written us1 by a gentleman than whom no one living1 probably1 was more intimate with ,mary and her home1 at that early period4 ,after a warm tribute to the character of the mother1 confirming all we have said of her1 he speaks thus of the daughter3-- ,when ,i first remember her1 it is as a gentle1 loving1 active child1 always doing some little useful thing1 and the darling of her parents' hearts4 ,when her character first shone on me in its higher attributes1 ,i do not know4 ,but ,i seem to myself to remember1 that there never was a time when ,i could have supposed it possible that she would do any thing that was not exactly right2 when ,i had not perfect confidence in her tact and judgment to discern duty1 and the prompt and unhesitating determination to do it1 as the only thing to be done4 ,,iii4 ,,mental ,,and ,,moral ,,culture4 ,remaining in ,boston1 with little change1 until she was thirteen years of age1 ,mary ,pickard was then taken by her parents to ,hingham1 ,massachusetts1 to be under the care of the ,misses ,cushing1 whose school for girls enjoyed at that time1 and as long as it continued1 a very high reputation4 ,her instructors there1 who still live1 seem to have regarded her as a friend and companion1 rather than a child and pupil2 and the fresh recollections and tender love with which they always speak of her1 and delight to dwell upon her early and mature character1 give us an impression of more than common excellence4 ,this will best be shown by an extract from a letter written since her death to one of her children4 ,your dear mother came to us first in ,june1 #ahaa2 a sweet1 interesting girl1 thirteen years old1 tall for that age1 and with the same sweet expression of countenance she ever retained2 remarkable even then for her disinterestedness and forgetfulness of self1 and her power of gaining the love of all around her4 ,she went home in ,november of the same year1 and returned to us again in #ahad4444 ,she was with us but little more than one year in the whole1 and in that short period endeared herself to us in a remarkable manner4 ,for with the love which we could not but feel for her was mingled a respect and admiration for her high principles1 and the piety which shone through all her conduct1 in a degree very uncommon for a girl of her age4 ,as a scholar she was exceedingly bright1 and quick to comprehend1 and would1 ,i always thought1 have made an excellent mathematical scholar1 had she pursued the study of that branch4 ,her capacity for accomplishing a great deal in a short time was always remarkable1 and ,i believe she never undertook any thing that she thought worth her attention1 that she did not go through to the satisfaction of others1 if not of herself4 ,her chief object1 even when a young girl1 seemed to be to do good1 in some way or other1 to her fellow-beings1 and she considered nothing too difficult for her to undertake1 if it could benefit another person either in a temporal or moral view4 ,you have had sufficient evidence of this1 since you have been old enough to judge for yourself1 and ,i can only tell you that it seemed to be1 at an early period of her life1 a living principle with her4 ,yet1 with all this devotedness to the highest objects and purposes of our existence1 she was one of the most lively and playful girls among her companions1 and a very great favorite with them all4 ,mary had been but five or six months in the school at ,hingham1 when she was called back to ,boston by the threatening illness of her mother1 who continued feeble through the winter1 and died in the month of ,may following4 ,that winter must have been one of peculiar experience to ,mary4 ,it was her first great trial4 ,she loved her mother1 not only as every true child must1 but with a reverence and affection heightened by the unusual circumstance of having been always the pupil of that mother alone1 regarded as a companion also1 and called now to the tender offices of a nurse1 at an age when most children can ill bear confinement and devotion to the sick4 ,mary was never happier than when thus occupied1 as her whole life has shown4 ,to her it was no task1 but a grateful privilege1 to spend all her time at the side of a revered and departing mother4 ,for six months was she allowed to give herself to this blessed ministry2 and when it closed1 she was left1 a girl of thirteen1 the sole comfort and chief companion of her father1 now past the prime of life1 broken in spirits and in fortune1 clinging to this only child with doating and dependent affection4 ,she now became an important member of the family in ,pearl ,street1 with her desolate father1 and her venerable grandparents1 who were still living1 depending themselves more upon her for their comfort than upon the only son that remained with them1 a young man whose fine talents and affectionate disposition were perverted and ruined by sad habits4 ,these were circumstances to call out all her energy1 and make full proof of her judgment and gentleness4 ,mr4 ,pickard had for some time been embarrassed in business1 and1 from a state of easy competence1 was then and afterwards reduced to the necessity of the strictest economy4 ,of his daughter's essential service to him in this respect1 we have frequent intimations in his own letters2 and not only by her prudent management1 but also by her generous and active aid1 as will be seen still more a few years later4 ,for her father survived her mother eleven years1 and during the whole of that period1 though not always together1 ,mary was his efficient helper1 and his devoted nurse in sickness1 of which he had a large share4 ,for two years after her mother's death1 she remained wholly in ,boston1 enjoying part of the time a new privilege1 which she greatly prized1--admission to the best school for young ladies then in ,new ,england1 or the country1--,dr4 ,park's4 ,that she would improve such an opportunity to the best of her ability1 we need not say4 ,of her proficiency as a scholar1 there are no particular proofs4 ,she was never a prodigy1 but she never slighted opportunity or duty4 ,she appeared always well1 distinguished at least for faithful preparation and uniform accuracy4 ,and especially was she distinguished for moral excellence4 ,she was the friend and favorite of all4 ,if petty difficulties occurred1 ,mary ,pickard was the peacemaker4 ,her impartiality1 amiableness1 kindness to all1 and perfect truthfulness1 endeared her to the teacher and all the pupils2 from several of whom we have had the testimony1 that no one ever exerted a better influence upon any school4 ,the earliest letters we have from ,mary were written in #ahac1 the year after her mother's death1 and about the time of her first going to school in ,boston4 ,they are the letters of a school-girl1 but not of a child4 ,while there is in them no indication of remarkable powers1 to which she did not pretend1 nor her friends for her1 they show a habit of reflection and power of discrimination1 with a choice of topics not usual at that age4 ,a few passages may be given1 very simple and juvenile1 but indicative of character4 ,boston1 ,february #bg1 #ahac4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,i am determined another day shall not pass before ,i answer your letter4 ,i think it is the best way1 when we receive a letter1 to sit down immediately and answer it2 at least ,i find it so1 though ,i do not always practise it4444 ,we talk so much when we meet1 that there is little left to write1 and ,i am now at a loss what to say4 ,the folly of the fashionable world is an old story1 and if not1 is too vast a subject for our limited views of it4 ,of our school plan we have said much1 but we can say more4 ,i had no idea that such insignificant beings as we are1 in comparison1 could ever afford matter for so much conversation as there has been on this subject4 ,although opinions could not alter the case1 yet it is certainly very satisfactory to know that our doings are approved by those whose good opinion we value4 ,i look forward with much pleasure to the day on which we shall commence our studies4 ,we shall feel very awkward at first1 but it will soon be over1 and then we must endeavor to keep ourselves exempt from the condemnation that falls on the whole school for the faults of two or three4444 ,i am reading ',temper1' and like it much better than ,i expected to1 having heard nothing in its favor1 and1 besides that1 being prejudiced against it4 ,i have condemned prejudice in others1 but never felt the effects of it before2 ,i dislike it now more than ever1--it is certainly a most unreasonable thing4 ,i like some of the characters very much1 and it is not as yet very tedious1 but contains many good lessons4 ,i find many that ,i can apply to myself1 and 7as usual7 some to other people4 ,it cannot1 however1 be compared to ',the ,absentee' or ',vivian4' ,novels are generally said to be improper books for young people1 as they take up the time which ought to be employed in more useful pursuits2 which is certainly very true2 but as a recreation to the mind1 such books as these cannot possibly do any hurt1 as they are good moral lessons4 ,indeed1 ,i think there is scarcely any book from which some good may not be derived2 though it cannot be expected that any young person has judgment enough to leave all the bad and take only the good1 when there is a great proportion of the former4 ,i know we are too young to hold up an opinion of our own1 independent of the superior judgment of those older1 and this ,i would not do4 ,i have collected mine from observation1 and1 if it is not right1 would thank any one to correct it2 nor would ,i offer it at all to any one but you1 or those of my own age4 ,that last sentiment will seem very juvenile to many young people of the present day1 but it is none the worse for that4 ,nor by this writer was the expression of such sentiments restricted to that age2 for modesty and deference1 combined with self-respect and decision1 were marked features and peculiar graces of the character we are presenting4 ,they are features and graces of a strong mind4 ,superciliousness1 in youth or maturity1 is a sign of weakness4 ,and it says little for the improvement or the promise of the present1 if it be true that respect for experience1 reverence for age1 and meekness of expression1 are rare qualities in the young4 ,mary was still young1 when she wrote to her father1--,i am no advocate for destroying that delicacy which forms1 or ought to form1 so great a part of the female character4 ,but such a degree of it as is not compatible with sufficient firmness to command one's self in danger1 appears to me to be false modesty1 or 'sickly sensibility of soul1'--beneath the dignity of beings endowed with power for higher feelings4 ,here is that union of humility and courage which marked her whole course4 ,in all her early letters there is an entire absence of that trivial talk about dress1 parties1 and the gossip of the day1 so common at her age4 ,instead of it1 we find remarks either upon moral and religious themes1 or upon her reading and studies4 ,in the very earliest letter we have1 written in a child's hand1 she speaks of her interest in the ,life of ,washington1 in five large octavo volumes1 and expresses the opinion1 that the history of one's country ought to be the first historical lesson of a child4 ,about the same time1 we find her deeply engaged in an argument upon the moral influence of the study of astronomy2 and her mind rises to the highest and the largest views4 ,the hand of ,almighty ,god certainly should raise in our souls such unbounded adoration and love1 that our only object would be1 to be worthy to appear before the presence of such excellent goodness1 and partake of the joys of heaven4 ,it seems unaccountable1 that any one could for a moment raise his eyes to the sky and not be convinced of the being of some superior power1 who rules and directs the paths of the planets and the ways of the children of men4 ,if we for a moment transport ourselves to another part of the universe1 and behold our little insignificant ,earth in comparison with the rest1 or with any other planet1 and consider how highly favored it has been with the presence of the ,son of its ,creator1 are we to think that we alone are thus honored1 and that superior worlds are not endowed in the same manner with a knowledge of heavenly things8 ,but ,i find myself getting into an argument1 on which1 though the subject may be interesting1 the style of the writer must be tedious4 ,these extracts are from letters written to a friend near her own age1 with whom there began at this time the longest and most confiding intimacy of her life1 out of the circle of immediate connections1 if indeed any exception need be made4 ,to this friend are addressed some of the first and last letters that ,mary ever wrote1 and by far the larger number of all which we use for this sketch4 ,it is an evidence of the faithfulness of her friendships1 that from the date of the earliest letter we have1 through nearly forty years1 she wrote to that same friend1 beside other occasional letters1 a ,new ,year's epistle1 every year1 to the last in her life4 ,and to her were confided her first and deepest trials1 disclosed to no one else1 and beginning while at school4 ,there is something both ingenuous and magnanimous in such sentiments as the following1 from a girl of fifteen1 whom the death of a mother had placed in circumstances of peculiar responsibility1 and often painful perplexity4 ,i expose to you my weaknesses1 my faults1 my passions4 ,there is but one thing of which ,i have the slightest apprehension4 ,you may sometimes hear me blamed for deeds which you know are right4 ,you will hear my lot in life envied1 as apparently all that the reasonable wishes of any being could desire4 ,and sometimes1 too1 busy ,scandal1 which honors even the most insignificant with her notice1 will glance at me4 ,your generous1 affectionate heart will prompt1 ,i well know1 on those occasions1 some defence of your friend4 ,but never give way to it2 never whisper to the winds that she has any trials4 ,it will necessarily involve the question1 ,what are they8 ,you are the only person to whom ,i ever communicated them1 and my conscience almost reproaches me for it4 ,i try to think my peculiar loneliness sanctions it1 but my very uneasiness proves it was not strictly right1 and ,i would not for worlds sin farther4 ,you will bear with me4 ,all this is foolish1 but ,i must say it4 ,i defy any one to tell from my appearance that ,i have not every thing to make me happy4 ,i have much1 and ,i am happy4 ,my little trials are essential to my happiness4 ,they teach me to value the only true sources of enjoyment this life can afford1--the affection of the good1 the cultivation of the better feelings of the soul in the service of their ,creator1 and the joyful hope of a better1 purer state of existence4 ,blessings and peace go with you1 and pure1 unalloyed felicity be your portion for ever4 ,,mary4 ,in the latter part of the year #ahad1 ,mary left ,boston for ,hingham1 to be again in the family and under the tuition of the ,misses ,cushing4 ,of her character then1 and the renewed impression made upon her instructors1 a letter which we have recently received from one of them will give the best idea2 though1 from regard to the writer's wishes1 we quote but a small part4 ,i can hardly give you an idea of my feelings towards her1 during the whole of her residence with us1 without seeming to speak extravagantly4 ,every day's experience confirmed our first impressions of her1 and showed in some form the sweetness of her disposition1 her self-sacrificing spirit1 and untiring devotion to the claims of those about her4 ,she possessed such purity of heart1 and elevation of principle1 as were certainly uncommon at such an early period of life1 and which1 it seemed to me then1 could only arise from a constant sense of the ,divine presence1 and an habitual communion with the ,source of all good4 ,love was always1 with her1 the predominant feeling in her thought of ,god1 and ,i have heard her say she never remembered the time when she did not feel that she loved ,god4 ,this was said1 you may be sure1 not boastingly1 but from surprise at hearing some one speak of the difficulty of giving the heart to ,god4 ,and now came a crisis in that inner life1 which was always greater to ,mary ,pickard than the outward4 ,always thoughtful as well as cheerful1 her interest in religion1 and her wish to be wholly a follower of ,christ1 led her to an act1 too rare with the young1 and requiring1 in school and college particularly1 courage as well as principle4 ,she desired to connect herself publicly with the ,church4 ,and the convictions by which she was brought to this purpose1 with the views she entertained of the nature and importance of the act1 we make no apology for giving1 as fully as we find them expressed in her own letters2 for there are older minds that might be instructed1 and doubters who might be admonished and aided1 even by so youthful a believer4 ,mary had received baptism in ,trinity ,church1 ,boston1 but it is evident that in her moral training more heed had been given to the cultivation of piety than to adherence to forms and special doctrines4 ,the preaching that she usually heard1 in the church of her parents1 did not edify or satisfy her2 a fact which we give1 without comment1 as part of a faithful record1 and as we find it in her own account to a son1 in one of the last years of her life4 ,the language in which she there describes her early religious wants is unusually strong for her1 and might seem extravagant4 ,we give only the result of her dissatisfaction with what she heard from the pulpit4 ,the final effect upon me was1 by throwing me more upon myself1 to open a new source of religious instruction to my mind2 and ,i can now remember with great pleasure1 and a longing desire for the same vivid enjoyment1 the hours ,i passed in 'my little room1' in striving1 by reading1 meditation1 and prayer1 to find that knowledge and stimulus to virtue which ,i failed to find in the ministrations of the ,sabbath4 ,and then most earnestly does she exhort her son not to let these things1 or any thing1 tempt him to treat sacred things with levity and disrespect4 ,few minds have kept themselves1 through life1 more free both from levity and bigotry4 ,at the time of which we speak1 she seems to have thought only of her own unworthiness1 her need of religion1 and the greatness of the privilege offered her4 ,a long note which she wrote to one of the teachers with whom she was living1 and to whom she confided all her feelings1 will explain the whole4 ,it bears no date1 but must have been written in the autumn of #ahad1 when she was about sixteen4 ,saturday ,morning4 ,will you1 my dear ,miss ,c41 pardon my addressing you in this way1 when under the same roof2 but as ,i could not speak on the subject ,i have now most at heart1 in the presence of any one1 ,i did not think it right to engross exclusively so much of your valuable time as would be necessary to say all ,i wish to4 ,i could not feel satisfied with my own conclusions1 until ,i had appealed to you1 and ,i hope this will excuse the liberty ,i take4 ,though still young1 ,i have tasted the bitter cup of affliction and disappointment1 and have found thus early that all worldly enjoyments are incapable of promoting happiness1 or even of securing present gratifications2 and in every deprivation have felt the healing balm of religion to be the only source of consolation to the wounded spirit and afflicted mind4 ,but ,i may1 indeed1 say with sincerity1 ',it is good for me that ,i have been afflicted1' for it led me to reflect on the end for which ,i was created1 to examine my own heart1 and1 by comparing it with the ,christian standard1 to prove its weakness and awake to a sense of my danger4 ,a very little reflection convinced me ,i had been leading a very different life from that which was requisite to form the character of a true ,christian1 and that ,i must exercise my utmost powers to redeem the time which ,i had lost1 and which could never be recalled4 ,though ,i cannot think the observance of any religious ceremonies sufficient to secure future happiness1 unless the motive for their performance is founded on faith in the word of ,god1 as revealed to us by his ,son1 yet they seem to me necessary1 not only in a moral1 but religious point of view1 to the attainment of that degree of perfection which we are taught it is in the power of every one to attain4 ,ever since ,i have thought at all on the subject1 it has been my earnest wish to be admitted a member of the ,church of ,christ4 ,it is a duty which ,i cannot but think is of the highest importance1 both as it is fulfilling the last request of one to whom we owe all we enjoy here or hope for hereafter1 and as it continually reminds us of our obligations to obey his precepts1 tends to make us better1 and more worthy our high calling4 ,if we assume the name of ,christians1 and obey not those positive commands of our ,saviour which are in the power of every one who is sincere1 how can we expect to receive a continuance of his favors8 ,fearing ,i was too young fully to comprehend the use and importance of so solemn a rite1 ,i have delayed saying or doing any thing about it4 ,i have thought much on it1 and summed up all the reasons which appeared to me to prove it absolutely necessary to our happiness and well-being1 and all the objections that arose in my mind against the propriety of young persons joining in it4 ,i then read every book on the subject ,i could meet with1 and found in none of them half as many objections as ,i had raised1 and very few arguments in its favor which ,i had not thought of4 ,do not think it has made me think better of myself than ,i deserve1--far from it2 it made me feel more sensibly my own unworthiness1 when compared with what ,i continually saw ,i ought to be4 ,still1 as ,i could not give up all thoughts of it1 ,i determined to appeal to you4 ,tell me1 my dear ,miss ,c41 if you should consider it a violation of the sacredness of the institution1 to think ,i might with impunity be a member8 ,i am well aware of the condemnation denounced on those who partake unworthily1 and ,i tremble to think how liable ,i shall be to fall into error and sin1 and how much greater will be my responsibility4 ,these reflections have hitherto prevented my proposing it to my father or any one1 and now almost make me fear ,i am doing wrong in writing to you4 ,i am afraid ,i am presumptuous1 and1 did ,i not view it rather as a means of religion than the end1 ,i should hardly suppose there were many who could say they were worthy of it4 ,i cannot think there is any mystery connected with it1 as some are so eager to prove1 and its very simplicity renders it the more interesting and useful1 and increases the obligation to perform it4 ,forgive me1 my dear ,miss ,c41 if ,i have said any thing wrong1 and correct me if you see any seeds of vice in me4 ,recollect ,i have been the guardian of myself too long not to have erred very much in my ideas of every thing2 pity1 and make me better1 if the task is not too discouraging2 and be assured1 the purest love and gratitude of which ,i am capable will be the sincere offering of your affectionate young friend1 ,,mary4 ,the self-scrutiny and humility evinced in this note prevented any hasty action4 ,mary seems still to have deliberated1 and sought all the light and direction she could obtain4 ,a long letter1 of which we give a portion1 to her true friend1 ,n4 ,c4 ,s41 in ,boston1 shows her state of inquiry and progress4 ,hingham1 ,january #acth1 #ahae4 ,you could not possibly have received more pleasure from hearing ,mr4 ,thacher's sermon1 than ,i did from reading your abstract of it4 ,nothing could be more satisfactory to me1 who still doubted whether it would not be a violation of the sacredness of the institution1 for any one so thoughtless and liable to fall into sin and folly to join in such a holy offering1 with the good and faithful of the earth4 ,but that was enough to convince any one who believed the obligation in any degree to be great1 that it extended to young as well as old1 and would be an effectual means of turning them from error to a knowledge of truth1 would make them happy here1 and be almost a security of it hereafter4 ,and though the punishment of those who outwardly profess themselves disciples of ,christ1 and yet devote their time and thoughts to the world1 is inevitable1 ,i cannot but think it will be in a much greater degree inflicted on those who wholly neglect it1 particularly when once convinced of its importance4 ,we have both felt the power which only the sight of others performing this duty has had on our minds2 what then will it be1 when we join in it ourselves1 and feel the direct influence of those heavenly rays1 which enlighten the ,christian at the altar of his ,god1 and guide him in his dreary progress through the world to heaven6 ,surely then we should not hesitate2 now1 while it is in our power1 it would be absolute wickedness to neglect the performance of such a reasonable and delightful act of duty4 ,,mary4 ,but one doubt now remained in her mind2 that caused by the many differences among believers1 and the numerous branches of the ,christian ,church4 ,but this she soon answered for herself1 with her usual simplicity and largeness of view4 ,i have considered the ,church of ,christ to be one body diffused through the whole world1 and that sects1 form1 and opinion made in truth no essential difference2--that all the various denominations of ,christians on the earth were united in one spirit and one mind1 in all the important doctrines of religion4 ,not long after1 she received from her confiding friend an account of similar feelings in herself1 together with an excellent note from the ,rev4 ,john ,e4 ,abbot1 encouraging their serious purpose4 ,mary's reply follows4 ,hingham1 ,april #ast1 #ahae4 ,i do1 indeed1 my dear friend1 rejoice with you in the unexpected and happy event your last letter informed me of4 ,i had felt all your doubts and fears as though they were my own1 and1 ,i do assure you1 participated in your joy with the same sincerity4 ,how much reason have we to be grateful for this instance of the overruling ,providence6 ,does it not sufficiently prove1 that1 if with sincerity and pureness of heart we undertake to perform any duty1 we may rely on the assistance of the ,holy ,spirit to guide our steps1 and to cause all things to concur to render it easy and delightful8 ,i cannot tell you how much it increased my own happiness to know that you1 too1 felt happy2 for there is in the sympathy of friends something that increases all our pleasures and alleviates all our pains4 ,it is to this ,i owe half that ,i enjoy in this life1 and without it wretched must be existence1 even in prosperity1 and all other earthly blessings4 ,i believe ,i have mentioned often to you the desire ,i had of becoming one of the church here1 if ,i could be sure of remaining here this summer4 ,when ,i found there was no doubt of that1 ,i had only to overcome the fears which a consciousness of weakness and liability to relapse into former coldness still kept alive in my mind4 ,now all have subsided1 and ,i am convinced that it is dangerous to delay so important a service4 ,from the moment ,i had decided what to do1 not a feeling arose which ,i could wish to suppress2 conscious of pure motives1 all within was calm1 and ,i wondered how ,i could for a moment hesitate4 ,they were feelings ,i never before experienced1 and for once ,i realized that it is only when we are at peace with ourselves that we can enjoy true happiness4 444 ,i think1 all things considered1 ,i was never more happy in my life4 ,it was a bright1 clear night1 and the moon which rose just as ,i went to bed1 shining full on me1 seemed to reflect the tranquillity of my soul1 and appeared to me an emblem of the mild light that was just dawning on my soul4 ,i could not sleep1 and actually laid awake all night out of pure happiness4 ,i will not trouble you with any more of my feelings at present4 ,on ,sunday we were proposed1 and the next ,sabbath will see the completion of all my hopes and wishes relating to myself for two years past4 ,i cannot at present write more1 but will finish this next week4 ,,mary4 ,the church with which ,mary connected herself was the ,third ,church in ,hingham1 under the pastoral care of the ,rev4 ,henry ,coleman1 with whom she speaks of delightful interviews1 receiving from him the best instruction and counsel at that important period4 ,she shows at the same time her habit of thinking for herself1 as well as her liberal and humble spirit1 in the casual remark1 ,though ,i could not agree exactly with him in every thing he said1 as they were not essential points ,i thought nothing of it1 and received his advice with as much pleasure and satisfaction as could possibly be4 ,the same month she records the completion of her wishes and her happiness4 ,last ,sunday witnessed the accomplishment of my highest desires2 for ,i joined for the first time with those who compose the church here1 in commemorating the death of our blessed ,saviour4 ,the feelings it excited are not easily described1 and as you will so soon experience them1 you will thus be able more fully to conceive of them than by any thing ,i could say4 ,i know you will derive much1 very much satisfaction and happiness from it2 and ,i sincerely pray that it may be to us both a means of becoming more like its heavenly ,founder1 and finding acceptance with ,god through his intercession4 ,i wish you could have heard our dear ,mr4 ,c----4 ,he was particularly interesting and affecting2 his prayers1 too1 are better than any ,i ever heard 7always excepting ,mr4 ,channing72 they breathe more of the true spirit of ,christian humility than is commonly to be found in these days of pride4 ,,mary4 ,about this time we find mention of an incident which appeared then of little importance1 but to which subsequent events1 though quite remote1 have given so peculiar an interest1 that it seems not right to omit it4 ,mary ,pickard1 still a school-girl1 saw for the first time the individual with whom1 twelve years after1 her fortunes were to be connected for life1 but with whom1 during that interval1 she had no intercourse4 ,,henry ,,ware1 then a theological student at ,cambridge1 was on a visit to ,hingham1 his native town1 and passed an evening at ,miss ,cushing's4 ,mary does not appear to have had any conversation with him1 but simply saw and heard him1 and wrote to her friend in ,boston a frank account of the opinion she formed of him4 ,hingham1 ,april #ith1 #ahae4 ,again1 my dear ,n----1 ,i resume the delightful task of writing to you1 which1 ,i assure you1 gives me a degree of pleasure next to that of talking with you1 however you may judge from my writing so seldom4 ,since ,saturday ,i have experienced a pleasure ,i never expected1 the desire of which ,i have often expressed to you4 ,i have seen1 heard1 and consequently admired1 your ,exeter friend1 ,h4 ,ware2#a and though his errand took something from the delight his presence would otherwise have completed1 it was sufficiently great for the safety of so large an assembly of young ladies4 ,he was as agreeable as he could possibly be1 and fully satisfied all the expectations you had raised in my mind4 ,he spent ,sunday evening here1 and as he is very fond of music1 and it is usual for us to spend a part of this evening in singing1 we sung psalms from dusk until eight1 when he was obliged to leave us4 ,he joined in all1 and added very much to the harmony and melody of our little choir4 ,on ,monday evening1 too1 he was here1 and much increased the good opinion that had been formed of him4 ,i thought his face indicated the greatest purity and goodness2 ,i never saw a more benign1 delightful expression on any face before1 and much less any thing like it in a gentleman4 ,i will not1 however1 judge any one by their face1 particularly as ,i have not proved myself a good physiognomist4 ,yet ,i cannot help being in some measure influenced by it4 ,how can ,i look at such a countenance as his1 and not be confident that there is a mind within correspondent to it8 ,there is1 though1 a want of energy in it1 which ,i hope is not in his character2 but it is sometimes the case1 that a love of poetry1 and habit of writing it1 effeminate the mind of man1 while they only render more attractive and interesting that of woman4 ,he came for his sister ,harriet1 who has left us1 very much to my sorrow as well as that of all the family4 ,she has an uncommon mind1 and possesses much original genius3 it is very seldom you see such proofs of it in one so young1 as to put it beyond doubt1 that1 under any circumstances1 love of literature would have been predominant4 ,she is a great loss to us1 and to myself particularly so1 as ,i can never hope to have it in my power to cultivate her acquaintance as ,i should wish4 ,but ,i must be content1 and if ,i can only have the power of appreciating as they deserve those friends ,i now have1 ,i think it will be my own fault if ,i am not happy4 ,with love to all friends1 ,i must conclude by assuring you of the firm affection of your friend1 ,m4 ,,pickard4 ,footnote #a3 ,he spent two years at ,exeter1 as teacher in the ,academy4 ,this was written the same month1 and within a few days of the date of that remarkable religious paper1 which ,henry ,ware wrote for his own sacred use1--,to be opened and read for improvement1 once a month1#b--seen by no other eye1 probably1 until ,mary herself opened it1 as his widow6 ,from this time they did not meet1 as personal acquaintance1 until the year of their marriage4 ,footnote #b3 ,memoir of ,henry ,ware1 p4 #hc4 ,,iv4 ,,discipline ,,and ,,character4 ,with all her deep happiness and cheerful aspect1 ,mary had many anxieties and trials at this time4 ,these were caused by her father's loss of property and depression of spirits4 ,mr4 ,pickard seems never to have had a large property1 but was connected with one of the best firms in ,boston1 and enjoyed a good reputation as a merchant and a man4 ,in what way reverses came upon him1 we are not informed2 but the period of which we speak1 just at the close of the war with ,great ,britain1 may be a sufficient explanation4 ,either from his own letters1 or through others1 his daughter heard of his losses1 and had written him a letter which we do not find1 but of which the following reply indicates the character4 ,boston1 ,april #ag1 #ahae4 ,i have just opened your letter4 ,you are every thing that is amiable and good2 it is not possible to have a better child4 ,but you cannot enter into my feelings1 because you know not my situation4 ,i will not trouble you with any more complaints1 if ,i can help it2 ,i will only tell you that ,i have done nothing that should make you ashamed of your father4 ,if ,i have not enough to pay every one their just dues1 it is owing to misfortune and events that ,i could not control4 ,no one1 however1 except the estate1 is likely to suffer by me1 and you of course will be a joint loser2 the whole1 ,i hope1 will not be much4 ,my anxiety is1 how ,i shall get a living1--what ,i shall subsist on4 ,without any capital1 ,i can do no business4 ,i long for the time to come when ,i shall see you here4444 ,i am about making inquiry amongst my acquaintance for employment4 ,if ,i succeed1 my mind will be easier2 if not1 what shall ,i do8 ,i know not4 ,i had a long talk alone with cousin ,n---- last evening4 ,she tried to encourage me with the hope of being able to support myself1 as we calculated you would1 after some time1 have enough to support yourself without mental or bodily exertion4 ,yet ,i know1 my dear child1 that you would exert both for me2 but how much more satisfactory would it be to me to support myself while ,i am able4 ,it is not the change of circumstances1 but the dread of want1 that depresses me4 ,i did hope1 too1 that you would have been in a better situation2 but you have a mind and spirits1 ,i hope1 to keep your heart at ease2 for you will be esteemed for your virtues4 ,you see ,i cannot help writing what is uppermost in my thoughts4 ,your very affectionate father1 ,m4 ,p4 ,we have not many of ,mr4 ,pickard's letters1 but all we have1 even those in which he writes in rather an unreasonable mood1 as if expecting too much of this endeared and devoted daughter1 yet contain incidental expressions which show his exalted opinion and almost respectful regard for her1 as well as a tender and grateful affection4 ,he speaks of having shown one of her letters to a friend1 who was highly gratified with the seriousness and piety of your disposition2 but she did not need that proof of it2 and in the troubles and vexations of this world1 it is a great consolation to me to have so good a child1 whom ,i look forward to as the comfort of my declining years2 you know how much your letters please me1 and console me for your absence4 ,this we can understand when we read the letter which follows1 probably in reply to that which we have given above4 ,hingham1 ,april #bb1 #ahae4 ,i did not receive your letter1 my dear father1 until ,thursday afternoon1 and cannot delay for a moment answering it4 ,i should be sorry to think you considered me so weak as to bend under a change of fortune to which all are liable1 and which does not affect the interest of my friends or myself1 while a self-approving conscience is their support4 ,i trust nothing which can befall them with respect to the world will wholly overcome their fortitude and confidence in the protection and care of a ,supreme ,being4 ,i can1 ,i think1 enter in some measure into your feelings1 and believe ,i can feel as you do with regard to being dependent on others4 ,i am prepared for almost any trial2 if my ability is equal to my desire of being of service to you in misfortune1 ,i do not fear but that ,i shall be able to support myself1 and at least not be a burden to you4 ,i am sorry you think so much of my situation4 ,i shall never regret the loss of indulgences which ,i have never been taught to consider as essential to my happiness1 and which do not in any great degree conduce to it4 ,i shall be content in any circumstances1 while ,i know you have not brought on yourself calamity4 ,i am not so proud that ,i should feel the least repugnance to gaining a living in any useful employment whatever2 ,i feel that kind of pride which assures me that local situation will not disturb my peace within1 and with that ,i could combat almost any thing4 ,i can only regret the loss of property1 when it makes me an encumbrance to my friends1 and limits my power of communicating good4 ,as to the former1 ,i think1 while ,i can possibly do it1 ,i had better remain here1 rather than burden any of my friends with my company1 and ,i will retrench other expenses for the sake of being independent2 for ,i do not think that any service ,i could do would compensate for the trouble ,i should give2 and with regard to the latter1 the will will be present with me1 and though the money means were denied me1 ,i do not despair of doing good in some way or other4 ,i shall do very well2 my only anxiety is for you1 lest you give up hope of better times1 and thus put a stop to the mainspring of human action4 ,i cannot but regret that what belongs to the estate should be lost1 for the obligations we are under already to the family are more than can ever be repaid1 and obligations are to some people oppressive4 ,i shall see you soon1 and will then make some arrangements4 ,till then1 ,i know not what to propose4 ,i hope to hear from you soon4 ,and do write in better spirits2 it will do no good to be discouraged4 ,with love to all1 ,i remain your affectionate daughter1 ,,mary4 ,those only who have experienced reverses1 or have seen parents suffer from them undeservedly1 know how hard it is to sustain1 beneath their pressure1 a cheerful and buoyant spirit4 ,we can moralize upon the comparative worthlessness of this world's goods1 and call poverty and pain light evils4 ,it is a false view4 ,poverty and pain are positive and great evils4 ,sin only is greater1 and sin1 it may be1 is as often engendered by these as by the opposite state of health and affluence4 ,in setting forth the dangers of prosperity1 we are not to forget the temptations and conflicts of adversity4 ,honor to the man or woman1 who maintains integrity and serenity in the hour of misfortune6 ,we mean not to intimate that the pecuniary perplexities of ,mr4 ,pickard and his daughter were extreme4 ,but we believe them to have been enough to test the power of character1 and to throw a delicate and difficult duty upon a daughter1 so young1 and so connected with friends who were able and willing to help1 but on whom she was not willing to lean4 ,she preferred to lean upon herself1 though not in unaided strength4 ,seldom do we find such evidence of early and entire reliance on a higher ,power4 ,she had made her election4 ,with the deliberation and firmness of mature conviction1 she had given herself to ,god1 and was at peace4 ,how complete1 though quiet1 was that surrender1 and how full and permanent the peace1 every subsequent year of her life bore witness4 ,and there were those who saw this in the beginning1 and predicted its future power4 ,we are struck with the confidence expressed by judicious friends in ,mary's piety1--a word of deeper and larger import than belongs to many beginners in the school of religion and life4 ,it is an incomparable blessing1 when a faithful and experienced teacher can write to a pupil thus3-- ,could ,i in any way serve you1 how gladly would ,i do it6 ,but when ,i take my pen to write you1 and my heart would dictate something1 which1 to most of your age 7particularly when so early deprived of a mother's care71 might be useful1 ,i am deterred by the thought of your maturity of mind1 your well-regulated affections1 and correct and dignified deportment4 ,this is not flattery2 you know me too well1 ,i hope1 to believe me capable of that1 where my heart is interested4 ,it is an opinion founded on a long1 and for some time close observation4 ,may you feel in your own bosom the reward you so richly deserve1 and be sensible of those joys with which 'a stranger intermeddleth not4' ,so early disciplined in the school of affliction1 your heart has felt the need of consolation which the world has not to bestow2 and at a period of life when the follies and vanities of the world most commonly engross us1 you have been led to an attention to those things which are unseen and eternal4 ,god grant that you may be induced to persevere in the path of piety1 to reach forward continually to higher attainments1 nor ever rest satisfied till you have attained the glorious prize which is reserved for the followers of the blessed ,jesus4444 ,i should not1 to many of your age1 write so much on so serious a subject2 but ,i believe you have a feeling persuasion of its reality and importance1 and therefore will not deem me intrusive4 ,in the summer of #ahae1 ,mary left ,hingham1 and returned to her home in ,pearl ,street1 ,boston1 where another change had just occurred in the death of her grandfather1 ,james ,lovell4 ,this left her grandmother very lonely1 and for the remaining two years of her life ,mary devoted herself to her care1 and ministered to her wants1 with the same assiduity and affection that marked her devotion in her mother's sickness4 ,not that she was wholly confined to the sick-room1 or the house4 ,mrs4 ,lovell's health varied1 and allowed occasional visits to friends in and near ,boston1 for several weeks together4 ,one of these visits took ,mary as far as ,northampton2 and in a pleasant letter to her father she gives a full account of her journey thither1 a very different matter then from what it now is4 ,going from the presence of sickness and sorrow into that beautiful region1 her heart expanded with joy and gratitude1--gratitude to ,god1 and to those generous friends whose guest she was1 and whose hospitality she describes in a way that would leave no doubt to what family she refers1 even if there were not a direct mention of one whom so many love to recall4 ,mr4 ,lyman is1 without exception1 the most agreeable man ,i ever met with2 and if ,i could only overcome feelings of restraint which his infinite superiority makes me have before him1 ,i might be able to enjoy his conversation more4 ,i may overcome it1 but as yet ,i cannot1 and therefore fear ,i appear stupid4 ,this diffidence she never did wholly overcome1 and we can conceive of its having been very great1 at that age4 ,yet it seems never to have prevented her from going forward to the performance of any duty1 or appearing with propriety and dignity in any position4 ,she had a keen relish for all the beauties of nature1 and no less for the refinements and pleasures of society4 ,but her highest enjoyment1 even at that age1 was evidently sought and found in the company of the devout1 and the joys of religion4 ,her father gently reproves her1 in one of his letters1 for indulging too much in sombre thoughts1 and talking of trials presenting themselves everywhere4 ,but it is evident that it was to his own trials that she referred1 and his depression may have extended sometimes1 though very seldom1 to her4 ,he himself says of this state of feeling1 ,i was not without fear that ,i had imparted it to you1 which would grieve me much4 ,during the long period of her grandmother's sickness1 ,mary formed a new attachment1 opening to her a fountain of the purest enjoyment4 ,she was a constant attendant on the preaching of ,dr4 ,channing4 ,when a child1 she loved to go to his church with that relative and devoted friend of the family1 who1 though of the same age as her mother1 still lives to mourn the loss of all of them4 ,led by that hand1 which was to her as the hand of a mother to the very end of life1 7may we not so far depart from our rule1 in regard to the living1 as to give the venerable name of ,ann ,bent87 ,mary listened very early and intently to the man who has moved multitudes of every age4 ,as she grew up1 her evident and strong preference for his preaching over all other is said to have been the subject of a little affectionate bantering on her mother's part1 while to her more rigid father it was so little agreeable as to cause at times some trial of feeling and a conflict of duty4 ,but where duty pertained to ,god and the whole existence1 she never doubted long4 ,her decision was taken deliberately1 with respect and gentleness1 but with a force and faith that never wavered1 and never failed to supply strength and consolation in her varied trials4 ,indeed1 it was amid trials1 as we have seen1 that she first consecrated herself to ,christ1 soon after her mother's death4 ,and now that she was daily watching the decline of another life very dear to her1 at the bedside of her aged grandmother1 her letters are chiefly filled with accounts of her vivid interest in the preaching she hears1 and the effect it has upon her character4 ,two of these letters we give together1 as relating to the same subject1 though written several months apart4 ,boston1 ,sunday ,evening1 ,sept #ae1 #ahaf4 ,how frequently have ,i heard it said1 that we never feel the true happiness of having a friend more than when1 overwhelmed with feelings it cannot control1 the heart seeks relief in the sympathizing bosom of that ,being who alone can comprehend them2 and never1 my dear ,n----1 did ,i feel this truth more than at the present moment1 never did ,i feel more eager to open to your view my whole heart1 to show you the emotions excited in it1 for ,i feel sensible that ,i cannot describe them4 ,it will not surprise you that ,mr4 ,channing's sermons are the cause2 but no account that ,i can give could convey any idea of them4 ,you have heard some of the same class2 they so entirely absorb the feelings as to render the mind incapable of action1 and consequently leave on the memory at times no distinct impression4 ,that in the morning from this text1 ',he that forsaketh not all that he hath1 cannot be my disciple1' was calculated more than any thing ,i had then heard1 to exalt the ,christian character2 but that this afternoon was as if an angel spoke1--',come unto me1 all ye that labor and are heavy laden1 and ,i will give you rest4 ,learn of me1 for ,i am meek and lowly of heart1 and ye shall find rest to your souls4' ,happiness1 or1 as it is here expressed1 'rest to the soul1' does not1 it is evident1 depend on our situation1 as may be proved by a slight view of the condition of mankind in general4 ,we see them constantly aspiring to something beyond what they possess1 but which1 when attained1 adds not to their peace1 but rather increases their discontent4444 ,i doubt whether ,i have succeeded in giving you any idea of what ,mr4 ,channing's sermon really contained1 as ,i cannot remember any thing of it but the impression it made on my feelings1 and ,i have1 ,i find1 given you rather a transcript of them than any of his original ideas1 as you will readily perceive4 ,the object of it1 however1 was to prove that the only real happiness to be enjoyed in the world was to be found in that peace of mind which a true and lively faith in the wisdom and mercy of ,god necessarily inspires in the ,christian1 and without which all the pleasures this world can give will fail to convey to the heart even one transient gleam of real enjoyment4 ,could you only have been here1 you would1 ,i know1 have been much benefited by it2 but you could not feel it as ,i did1 for you do not so much require it4 ,my reason and conscience have always told me that it was not right to let any of the trials ,i have met1 and still meet with1 destroy for a moment my peace2 and though they have sometimes conquered my weaker feelings1 yet there are times when ,i find my own strength so insufficient that ,i am almost tempted to doubt whether it be in my power to attain4 ,this morning1 ,i felt more than ever my weakness1 from having had a long and unsuccessful struggle the whole of yesterday with myself4 ,that the precious privileges this day has afforded me are not lost upon me1 ,i hope to prove in the day of future trial4 ,forgive my egotism1 but ,i know to whom ,i write4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,you said to me1 as we were returning from meeting to-day1 in answer to my observation that ',i had been depending on this day during the whole week1 and had unexpectedly realized all the feelings ,i anticipated1' that you1 too1 had expected much1 thinking that ,mr4 ,channing would give us the sermon he did4 ,i have often thought that the very great pleasure we take in hearing him preach has given us other feelings and motives in our attendance on church than ought to be allowed by the devout ,christian4 ,the good which is to be obtained from one of his sermons particularly is indeed a great object1 and sufficient to induce us to attend the hearing of them whenever there is an opportunity2 but in our eagerness to hear the sermon1 to admire it1 and endeavor to improve by it1 the original intention of public worship1 ,i fear1 is in a manner lost on us4 ,do we1 when we go to the house of ,god1 feel that we are as it were entering his more immediate presence8 ,he is1 it is true1 present with us in all places1 and at all times2 but in the world it is not required1 neither is it practicable1 that our whole thoughts should be devoted to any one subject2 but when we go to the house of worship1 is it not that we may1 by shutting out of our minds the world and all that it contains1 give to the ,lord of the ,sabbath every thought8 ,was it not for this end he gave us the day1 and renews our strength every week8 ,we are called together to worship1 not merely with our lips1 but to unite every thought and feeling in adoration4 ,it is a privilege thus to be enabled to call our minds entirely from the cares and troubles of life2 it gives to those who are oppressed by them some idea of heaven1 when all the trials which now torture them will be for ever forgotten2 and to all it should be esteemed a high and holy privilege1 setting aside the delightful instruction we receive1 thus to hold communion with ,heaven1 for ,i can compare it to nothing else4 ,it seems often to me1 while in the hour of prayer ,i give myself up to the thought of heaven1 as though ,i had in reality left the world1 and was enjoying that which is promised to the ,christian4 ,i fear1 however1 these feelings are too often delusive2 we substitute the love of holiness for the actual possession1 and often deceive ourselves4 ,but if we can keep our reason unclouded1 we have nothing to fear from feeling too much4 ,i would not be understood to mean1 that the delightful1 improving preaching we are in the habit of hearing is not a good motive for carrying us to meeting2 but it is not enough1 if it be the only one2 if the happiness of an unreserved devotion of thought to ,god is not sufficiently great to induce us to seek every opportunity of enjoying it1 ,i fear the true1 vital piety1 which is the only support of religion1 is imperfectly gained by us4 ,i have not time to write more4 ,i doubt if ,i have explained myself intelligibly1 but more of this at some future period4 ,i presume there is an appearance of vanity in one paragraph1 which ,i will some time explain4 ,,mary4 ,this fervid religious interest and enjoyment seems to have filled her heart1 and absorbed her thoughts1 more and more1 until1 in the following summer1 it led to a personal interview with ,dr4 ,channing1 of the most interesting kind1 to be described only in her own words4 ,boston1 ,july #aj1 #ahag4 ,there is a certain state of feeling1 or ,i may now say passion1 in which the heart must either find relief in utterance1 or burst2 when all the powers of mind and body are suspended1 and thought1 feeling1 sensation1 are all centred in one sole object4 ,it is at such moments as these that we feel the true value of a friend who will submit patiently to our detail1 and sympathize in all4 ,i have just had a long--7,i do not know what to call it7--with our dear minister4 ,you know how long ,i have wished1 yet dreaded it4 ,that ,i should ever have dreaded it appears now a most astonishing fact1 except that ,i knew it would humble me to the dust4 ,and why should ,i not be so humbled8 ,it chanced that grandma was too unwell to see him2 and ,i1 though not in the most composed state of mind that can be imagined1 was to sit down alone with him1 fully determined to improve the opportunity and say all that ,i had so long wished4 ,i put on as collected an appearance as could possibly be required1 and1 trembling at the very centre of my heart1 met him with a smile of joy4 ,indifferent subjects soon entirely subdued all kind of internal embarrassment1 7external1 ,i did not permit17 when1 to my great annoyance1 ,c---- walked in6 ,o that ,i could have rendered him invisible1--deaf1 dumb1--any thing1 for the time being6 ,but patience triumphed2 ,i contrived at last to let him understand that ,i wished him far away4 ,he took the hint1 but when he rose to go1 ,mr4 ,channing did so also6 ,i could not but detain him4 ,how ,i did it1 or what followed on my part1 ,i know not2 ,i heard all he said1 ,i laid every word carefully aside in my mind to be enjoyed at some future period1 but how foolish1 how weak1 how every thing irrational ,i was1 ,i cannot1 dare not1 think4 ,i told him as well as ,i could1 with what views and feelings ,i presumed to deviate from the path in which ,i had been led by my parents1 what he had done for me1 and what ,i hoped to do for myself4 ,i could not have been intelligible1 but ,i will not regret that ,i attempted1 though ,i could not succeed4 ,i am relieved by what he said of many unpleasant1 oppressive feelings4 ,i felt that ,i was detaining him1 or ,i might have been rather more collected4 ,what a state has he left me in6 ,o1 could ,i for ever preserve the remembrance of what now fills my heart1 could ,i ever feel as ,i now do1 that ,i am one of the least of all beings1 capable of being better but shamefully neglecting my best interests1 awfully responsible for the inestimable privileges ,i enjoy1 but wholly unmindful of them4 ,dearest ,n----1 ,i am wrong to impose on your patience1 but ,i am too selfish to resist4 ,forgive this sentence4 ,i do not doubt your interest1 but ,i may talk too long4 ,this is not the fervor of sudden enthusiasm2 no1 ,i have long felt my sinfulness1 but the excitement of talking to ,mr4 ,channing has made me now utter it4 ,give me your prayers1 give me your advice1 assist me in elevating my heart to higher objects1 purer joys1 than this world can give4 ,i love it too well2 ,i want the severing hand of trial to rend asunder the thousand evil passions which connect me with it4 ,i have scribbled this at your desk2 this quiet retreat has calmed me4 ,it is1 perhaps1 fortunate that you were not at home1 except that you would have been saved this fine specimen of what an egotist can write4 ,o dear1 how weak ,i am6 excitement is so new to me1 that it almost deprives me of the use of my understanding1 or ,i should not thus betray myself4 ,i know not what ,i am coming to2 ,i was very foolish yesterday2 ,i have been worse to-day4 ,do come and see me to-morrow and lend me a little sense1 or if you cannot spare it1 exercise it yourself over the mind of your senseless friend1 ,,mary4 ,during this season of peculiar experience1 ,mary sought the confidence1 and enjoyed the sympathy1 not only of the one friend to whom the last letters were written1 but also of her late instructors in ,hingham4 ,the correspondence between them is of the most confiding character1 and shows a mutual respect and sense of obligation in pupil and teacher4 ,talk not of gratitude1 my dear ,mary1 the latter writes2 has not every kindness we have ever had it in our power to show you been more than cancelled by your unremitting assiduities to serve and please us8 ,the uniform disposition you have ever shown to promote the ease and happiness of all around you1 will long remain a sweet remembrance of one whose image is connected in my mind with every softer virtue1 accompanied by that strength of mind which would enable you1 if called upon1 to sustain uncommon trials4 ,no1 ,i shall not1 ,i cannot1 be disappointed in you1 my dear young friend2 you will be all that your opening character now promises1 because you have built on a sure foundation4 ,if my life is spared1 ,i anticipate much pleasure from the continuation of a friendship thus commenced4 ,may it be increased and strengthened while we sojourn together on earth1 and may we have the happiness of exciting each other to a higher standard of excellence than is generally adopted by the world1 and thus be prepared for the society of those pure and holy beings we hope hereafter to join4 ,these expressions of confidence and encouragement were probably induced by the trying circumstances in which ,mary was then placed1 partly from her father's misfortunes and feeble health1 and partly from the weight of her responsibilities in a household where there was not only sickness1 but other and sorer trials4 ,she went very little into society1 and was thrown entirely upon her own resources1 in the midst of arduous and delicate duties4 ,some of her struggles1 and the sources of her peace1 are intimated in the following letters to ,miss ,cushing4 ,boston1 ,june #ai1 #ahag4 ,as ,i can neither see you nor hear from you1 my dear ,miss ,cushing1 ,i must write you1 if it be only to say how much ,i think of and desire to see you4 ,i know too well that ,i do not deserve any indulgence from you1 but there is something so solitary1 and at times almost overpowering1 in the idea that those whom we have best loved1 with whom we have passed happy hours of intercourse and sympathy1 are1 though still dear1 divided from us1 not perhaps by distance1 but by circumstances which we cannot control1 that ,i am almost tempted to repine that such must be our situation4 ,you will1 ,i know1 be ready to ask why ,i have so neglected the only means in my power of continuing that intercourse8 ,i would not complain of it1 but ,i have little time1 and so many occupations which the call of duty bids me not neglect1 that ,i seldom write to any one1 and always in so much haste that ,i should be ashamed to send such epistles to you4 ,beside all this1 ,i have so little intercourse with the world1 or those in it in whom ,i think you would be interested1 that ,i must1 from a dearth of ideas in this poor brain1 write almost wholly of self1 the most odious and wearisome of all topics4 ,but this very isolation makes me depend so much on every little iota of external excitement1 that ,i should be satisfied1 or rather content1 with any thing in the form of a letter you would find time to give me4444 ,i have felt1 and ,i believe have expressed to you1 or ,miss ,p----1 a kind of discontent sometimes operating on my mind at the want of opportunity to become what ,i have vainly thought ,i might be4 ,but this is all over1 and ,i am satisfied that ,i must be content with a very low degree in the scale of knowledge4 ,but ,i trust ,i may be good1 though never great1 and am confident that the peculiar situation in which ,i am placed is one more calculated for me than any ,i could choose for myself4 ,trial is necessary to me1 and ,i am happy in it1 except when ,i am conscious it is not improved as it should be4 ,it is not for us1 who have so many blessings1 to murmur if our faith is sometimes put to the test2 did we view things aright1 what now seems judgment is in truth mercy4 ,what should we be1 were we not sometimes reminded of our sins and the weakness of our minds8 ,surely1 then1 whatever may be the trials which bring us to a true sense of our accountability to our ,father in heaven1 they are the kindest expressions of his goodness4 ,i never could have any gloomy views of religion1 and the more experience ,i have of its cheering influences in the hearts of its votaries1 the more ,i am convinced that it is the only sure guide to happiness even in this world2 how much more in another6 ,you will forgive me for writing you just what happened to occupy my mind4 ,it is an indulgence that ,i cannot resist1 to be able to communicate a few of my feelings and thoughts4 ,i fear you will think ,i impose too much on your goodness4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,august #bj1 #ahag4 ,,my ,,dear ,,miss ,,cushing3-- ,there are1 ,i believe1 moments in the lives of all human beings1 when1 from some cause or other1 the heart is saddened by a feeling of peculiar loneliness1 which1 though perhaps rather a disease of the imagination than the effect of real circumstances1 is nevertheless irresistible4 ,i have felt this in the gayest period of my life1 and it is not strange that ,i should now often experience it4 ,leading a perfectly monotonous existence1 my resources of animal spirits are not entirely sufficient to supply the call of duty and the hour of solitude too4 ,and when evening closes1 and my beloved charge is laid peacefully to rest1 excitement ceases1 and ,i am thrown on myself for pleasure4 ,then it is that ,i long to be with friends1 whom ,i can only visit in imagination2 then ,i long to annihilate distance1 and talk with you4 ,it is1 ,i know1 imposing on your goodness to attempt to write you under the influence of such feelings1 but it is an indulgence ,i can hardly resist1 convinced as ,i am that1 when you are assured it is a relief to a poor solitary1 your benevolent heart will pardon me4 ,i would not convey that ,i am unhappy in this situation4 ,o1 no6--there is such a thing as being 'pleased1 and yet sad'2 and though sometimes ',the heart will feel1 the tear will steal1 ,for auld lang syne sae dear1' yet ,i rejoice with joy unspeakable that the present is still filled with many privileges and pleasures1 and that ,i can with perfect trust refer the future to ,him who appointeth all things in mercy4 ,i wish most sincerely ,i could communicate something interesting to you1 to redeem my miserable letters from the charge of perfect egotism1 but ,i live so wholly out of the sphere of the interesting part of the world1 that ,i am as ignorant of all that passes within it as those who know not that it exists4 ,it is this reason which has often withheld me from writing you when indeed ,i wished for my own sake to indulge in it1 and ,i think you will be fully convinced of the wisdom of my forbearance after the perusal of this4 ,m4,l4,p4 ,and now another trial impended1 to be followed by other and important changes in her condition of life4 ,in the autumn of this year her grandmother died4 ,for the event itself1 so long expected and not to be lamented1 she was prepared4 ,but some of its circumstances were unusually trying1 and she well knew that its consequences might be still more sad4 ,yet how little these considerations affected her1 in comparison with the moral aspects and spiritual lessons of the change1 may be seen in her own account of the last sickness1 to ,n4 ,c4 ,s4 ,boston1 ,sunday ,night1 ,october #ab1 #ahag4 ,you have so long indulged my selfish propensity of communicating to you every feeling that chances to be excited in my heart1 that ,i find it difficult1 when under the influence of any peculiar emotion1 to resist the ever-present desire to impart all to you4 ,but this would be the height of folly and weakness1 and ,i therefore contend against it with all my powers4 ,there are1 however1 certain kinds of feeling of such a doubtful nature1 that the agency of some external power is absolutely necessary for the proper management of them4 ,of this nature1 ,i am persuaded1 are those by which ,i am now overpowered2 and lest ,i should be too much led away by them1 ,i must beg your assistance in ascertaining their origin and tendency4 ,this may seem too systematic for any one who feels much1 but the violence of the tempest has passed1 and that deadly calm which always succeeds the raging of the elements naturally inclines the mind to thought and reflection4 ,i have lived for the last few months in the hourly contemplation of a most striking picture of the end of human life1 the termination of all its joys and sorrows1 the annihilation of its hopes and wishes4 ,this could not fail to impress with sadness a mind in full possession of its powers of enjoyment1 and for a time to give it almost a disgust of all those pleasures and pursuits which must so soon fail before the dim eye and feeble energies of approaching age4 ,it had1 in a great degree1 this effect on me2 for the moments have been when ,i would willingly have surrendered life rather than live in the expectation of such an end1--to outlive the ability to engage in its duties4 ,i now tremble at the thought of ever having suffered such feelings for a moment1 to possess my mind4 ,continued and deep reflection on the object of all this1 the comparative nothingness of every thing in this world1 the hopes and prospects of another and better1 meditation on the spiritual life1 and occasional experience of the real happiness of that elevation of soul above earthly things which religion alone can impart1 have overcome this melancholy1 and sometimes produced almost a feeling of triumph4 ,i have this evening been almost overwhelmed with a variety of emotions1 of which this was the most prominent4 ,grandma has thought herself dying1 and has been conversing with me on her approaching change with that most heavenly calmness which those only who rely on the mercy of ,god1 through the merits of his ,son1 can experience at this trying hour4 ,this1 together with joining in prayer with her that we might all welcome this hour as she did1 and her final parting with all in the house1 has elevated my mind so much above this transitory scene1 that ,i can scarcely believe ,i shall ever be so weak as again to be engrossed by it4 ,i cannot describe the state of my mind4 ,i never felt so before1 though ,i have often imagined that others have4 ,it is almost a kind of transport at the thought that this mortal shall put on immortality1 that there is within us an ethereal spark which can never be extinguished or grow dim1 capable of rising superior to the pains and weakness which bend these frail bodies to the ground4 ,o1 it is a joy unspeakable6 ,viewed through this medium1 death loses its sting1 and the idea of a glorious immortality alone presents itself with the view of its approach4 ,but alas6 ,i can place no dependence on the continuance of my feelings beyond the moment that excites them4 ,my life is a mere vision2 the world in which ,i act has no connection with that in which ,i think4 ,my pleasure1 my happiness1 is so far independent of the objects around me1 that ,i can hardly associate them together4 ,having little else to do than meditate1 ,i exist almost in imagination1 and communicate so little with others on the subject of my thoughts1 that it seems like living two beings2 the greater part of my time is passed in this ideal world1 and ,i am consequently unfitted to mix in the real one in which ,i am placed4 ,this is a misfortune and a fault4 ,which has the greatest share of blame8 ,it is most unfavorable to true ,christian humility2 for1 as ,mr4 ,channing says of the effects of a diseased imagination1 ',we feel superiority to the world in ascending the airy height1 and pride ourselves in this refinement of the mind4 ,after arraying ourselves in the robes of glory1 we cannot take the lowly seat which ,christianity assigns us4' ,thus1 then1 although this elevation above the objects of this vain world may be a right spirit when it rises from the pure flow of real piety1 if it be only the enthusiasm of the moment1 which rises for a time and then vanishes away1 an abstract theory which would not be practised upon in the hour of temptation1 it had better never have been4 ,when we have once been imposed on1 we know not what to trust4 ,all my purposes of goodness and high resolves are as yet but theories1 which ,i fear ,i should never put in practice should temptation assail me4 ,o1 ,i dare not be thus happy6 ,,mary4 ,v4 ,,changes ,,at ,,home4 ,the first change consequent upon the death of old ,mrs4 ,lovell1 was the leaving of the house in ,pearl ,street4 ,this1 to ,mary1 was not a small matter4 ,it was not the mere moving of furniture1 nor the living in one street rather than another1 of the same town4 ,it was the loss of the earliest and only ,,home that she had ever known2 and none are to be envied who cannot enter into the feelings which such an event must awaken in a heart like hers4 ,with little of the romantic in her nature1 and as great independence of the merely local and external as is often seen1 her love of family and early friends1 her memory of childhood and all its associations1 the very changes and sufferings which had made so large a part of her life1 were all identified with that house as the place of their birth1 and bound her to it by the strongest chords4 ,within a month of the day of her grandmother's death1 she wrote her last letter there1 which1 with the first that was written out of the house1 will show what she felt1 and why4 ,boston1 ,november1 #ahag4 ,it is with many new and peculiar feelings that ,i attempt to write you for the last time from this blessed spot1 rendered doubly sacred to me from having been the scene of that intimacy which ever has been1 and ,i trust ever will be1 one of the purest sources of happiness which it has pleased my ,heavenly ,father to bestow on me4444 ,it has been one of the happy effects of the trials which1 during the last few years1 have fallen to my lot1 to produce a more unreserved acquaintance between us than under any other circumstances could have been effected4 ,i bless them in all their influences1 but particularly in this1 that they have brought me the knowledge and affection of such a friend4 ,i should blush at the recollection of the numberless follies1 weaknesses1 and sins which this frail heart has discovered to you1 but ,i wish you to know me entirely2 the candid confession of faults is the greatest proof of confidence ,i could give4 ,but that delightful intercourse which has so much conduced to this must for a time be broken off1 perhaps never again to be renewed in this changing world4 ,change of situation will necessarily preclude the possibility of that continued intercourse of thought and feeling1 which has been the joy of the past4 ,i cannot admit the idea that this will weaken the bonds that unite us1 much less can ,i think it will break them4 ,but ,i have been the creature of situation2 my character 7if any thing ,i possess can be entitled to the name7 has been moulded by circumstances peculiar in their nature1 and which will soon cease to exist4 ,what ,i shall be in the wide world into which ,i am going to enter1 ,i know not4 ,i hope1 yet fear to change4 ,without a guide to lead me in the right path1 ,i fear my inexperienced steps will stray into some of the many fascinating1 delusive snares which are found in every direction4 ,my course has hitherto been over an old and beaten track1 secure by its remoteness from all temptation4 ,what1 then1 shall ,i do1 when the whole host of the world's allurements are presented at once to my weakness8 ,i wish ,i could describe to you the feelings which the very prospect of leaving this house excites in this poor1 weak heart1--so weak that it cannot subdue or control its emotions4 ,it would seem romantic and visionary to any one who had been accustomed to change2 but this house supplied in a great measure the relation of instructor1 parent1 and friend4 ,and it is true1 that in every part are recorded by association the admonitions of those friends ,i have known in it1 or lessons which the experience of repeated trials has impressed in indelible characters on these scenes4 ,here1 when temptation assailed1 and this frail heart was on the point of surrendering to it1 would the remembrance of former good resolutions1 presented by the very walls around me1 recall my wandering virtue1 and strengthen me to new exertions4 ,and to that sacred retreat1 that sanctuary of all my joys and sorrows1 ,i owe1 if not the creation1 at least the preservation of the best feelings ,i possess4 ,there ,i find the history of the most important moments of my life1 for in that spot did the first sincere and heartfelt aspirations of my soul to its ,creator find utterance2 and there1 too1 have ,i always found support under trial1 in prayer4 ,it were an endless work to recount all the associations which attach me to this only home ,i have ever known2 it would be to give you a minute account of every transaction which has taken place since ,i lived here4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,december1 #ahag4 ,for the first time since ,i left that loved spot in ,pearl ,street have ,i seated myself at my desk2 and1 although my object in now doing so was a very different one1 ,i cannot resist the impulse which the sight of it gives1 to renew the employment1 so wont to be pursued at it1 of pouring forth a few of my feelings to my friend4 ,it is so long since ,i have had an opportunity to do so1 and so various have been the occurrences1 and still more various the feelings which it has been my lot to experience in the course of the last two months1 that1 though my mind is full of what ,i wish to communicate1 ,i am as much at a loss what to write as if all was vacancy4 ,this poor little1 unconscious desk has carried me back1 against my will1 to scenes which it were wise seldom to think of4 ,the last time ,i wrote at it was the last evening ,i spent in the ,i 'oaken parlor1' when all was sad and solitary4 ,but ,i cannot dwell on it4 ,i find in the record of that evening prophecies which are hourly fulfilling4 ,i felt deeply impressed with a sense of insufficiency to meet with1 and bear aright1 the temptations which a life of indulgence would present4 ,i felt that ,i was not fit for society1 and ,i feel so still1 but more sensibly1 more truly1 for it is now the lesson of experience1 sad indeed4 ,but a truce with such feelings2--it is not of them ,i wish to write4 ,this wicked desk has conjured up the old complaining spirit which so used to haunt me whenever ,i attempted scribbling to you4 ,i am happy1 contented with any change that has or may take place4 ,i only ask a less selfish1 more disinterested frame of mind1--to be more independent of the opinion of others1 when a consciousness of sincere endeavor to do right acquits me of actual transgression4 ,selfish are all my regrets1 all my trials1 and wherefore1 then1 trouble another with a detail of what self alone can sympathize in1 or ameliorate1 or cure8 ,i will not2--for once1 ,i will follow reason rather than inclination4 ,the more ,i know of the world1 the more ,i see of the beings who constitute what is so called1 the more the hopes and wishes which excite and keep alive their energies sink into insignificance1 and the more my own restlessness and anxiety about the cares and pursuits of life excite my astonishment and contempt4 ,we surely were not placed in this world solely to be occupied by its allurements1 or1 without reference to the design of our ,creator in placing us here1 to pursue that which seems to us the most easy and pleasant path4 ,and with our reasons convinced1 how can we so unweariedly pursue that phantom happiness which has here no fixed abode8 ,we acknowledge that nothing here can satisfy us1 and yet vainly delude ourselves with the hope of soon attaining some ideal joy which1 like the philosopher's stone1 will convert all into solid happiness4 ,one would think ,i had been disappointed in some fond hope1 or found too late my fancied joy a dream4 ,but no1 ,i am not disappointed1 for ,i have never anticipated2 and if aught ,i have said savors of this temper of mind1 ,i would recall it4 ,mr4 ,colman advised me never to write in the evening1 lest ,i should deceive myself and my friend with an exaggerated account of what in the light of day would prove false4 ,i am half asleep1 and therefore will take his advice1 and ,i already find myself on the verge of the gulf1--self-deception4 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,to some it will seem strange1 that one of such faith and principle1 with no proneness or taste for the follies of the world1 should express fear of fascinating1 delusive snares1 or think for a moment of the whole host of the world's allurements4 ,but this will be understood by those who remember that strength does not lie in a sense of security1 nor wisdom in assurance4 ,it seems to have been ever a part of ,mary ,pickard's wisdom1 to own her weakness4 ,and more than this1 the evil that she feared was not that coarse1 palpable thing usually called vice1 but the invisible1 subtle evil1 so serious to the sensitive and pure mind1 though by the many lightly regarded4 ,i fear not actual vice1 she said at this very time1 but to become thoughtless1 forgetful of duty1 unmindful of my highest interests1 is to my mind a more deadly sin than many which are accounted by the world crimes4 ,it is this ,i most dread4 ,my conscience1 or1 should that fail1 my friends1 would save me from the first1 but who can control the thoughts of my heart8 ,thus fearing1 thus armed1 she went out into the world1 beginning at this point her life of self-guidance4 ,of her means of support we know little4 ,she was not dependent4 ,from her grandparents1 to whom she had been so true a child1 she received enough to enable her to assist her father in his depression1 though it is evident that he took no more than was absolutely necessary1 and that she retained enough for her wants1 more than she used to the time of her marriage4 ,this could have been accomplished1 however1 only by a uniform and strict economy1 whose necessity she never regretted1 except as it curtailed her charities4 ,and now began a life of business and of motion4 ,since her return from ,england1 at the age of five1 ,mary had been from home very little1 and only for her schooling4 ,hereafter she is to become a traveller1 to a greater degree than was then common for a lady1 and greater than she desired4 ,her journeyings1 we infer1 were always more for others than herself2 either for the gratification of friends1 or in aid of her father4 ,for she seems to have become1 in various ways1 his active as well as domestic helper1 and was intrusted by him1 we should judge from their letters1 with important business4 ,for some purpose of this kind1 in the year following our last date1 she went1 for the first time1 to ,new ,york4 ,and the account she gives of the preparations and the journey1 while it shows what changes there have been since1 shows also how much there was on her mind and her hands4 ,she speaks of getting but four hours for sleep from having so great a variety of occupation1--so much for my poor1 weak head to think of4 ,and then1 half playfully1 half in earnest1 she writes of being at last equipped for a journey probably of two months4 ,but we must give a part of the letter itself2 showing1 as it does1 how near to her1 even in her busiest moments and most fatiguing labors1 were the higher cares of the mind and the soul4 ,i am glad of having a great deal to do2 any thing that will call my little powers into exercise gives me a transient feeling of consequence1 which1 as it is highly flattering to vanity1 produces rather pleasant sensations4 ,i will not enter on the subject of leaving home1 and setting out on an expedition fraught with untried temptations1 and presenting even in the most favorable view a scene of life little calculated to satisfy my taste or warm my heart4 ,but ,i believe there may be instruction found in every situation1 and ,i hope that seeing eyes and an understanding heart will be given me1 to discern and improve it4 ,i cannot tell you how much more ,i feel than ,i ever did before1 at leaving home2--,i cannot2 it is in vain to attempt so vast a subject at such a time4 ,i have been highly favored the last two ,sundays in hearing two of ,mr4 ,channing's most delightful sermons1 which ,i hope will not be soon forgotten4 ,last ,sunday was the anniversary of many eventful days to me4 ,the first ,sabbath in ,september has for many years been a memorable day to me1 and this last1 ,i think1 exceeds them all4 ,it is three months since ,i have been at home on ,communion-day1 and the coldness which ,i had felt creeping through my very soul gave me a feeling of hope that ,i should find something to excite and elevate my affections4 ,i never felt more entirely humbled to the dust1 or more sensible of the immense privilege we enjoy1 in having such a man to guide us on our way4 ,but ,i am so excessively weary that ,i cannot write more1--scarcely to assure you of the warm affection of your ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,the journey to ,new ,york1 by way of ,providence and ,norwich1 was a week's work1 though it seems to have been all used in travelling1 but with many adventures and delays incident to the beginning of steamboats1--against which1 notwithstanding the discomforts and perils1 ,mary expresses herself not so prejudiced that ,i should be unwilling to step on board one again4 ,the letters she writes from the great city1 so new and strange1 are almost exclusively business letters to her father1 and his replies show that he had given her important commissions1 to be discharged in person1 and in her own discretion4 ,directions are given for the sale or purchase1 not only of muslins and moreens1 but also of skins1 saltpetre1 and the like4 ,and at the end of several weeks1 in which she seems not to have indulged herself in much recreation1 she speaks of returning as soon as she has seen the city4 ,but instead of returning1 she was induced by a tempting opportunity to go still farther from home1 and with no time to get her father's permission1--a liberty evidently new on her part1 and receiving at first severe reproof from him4 ,the incident is not important1 except as showing their relation to each other1 and the manner in which she incurred and endured 7being now a woman7 the only harsh language that we find addressed to her by her father1--though it is clear that he always inclined to be exacting4 ,the trouble in this case was1 that he first heard from another of her being seen on her way to ,baltimore1 when he thought her safe with friends in ,new ,york1 if not on her way home4 ,the fact was easily explained4 ,a gentleman with whom she was intimate invited her to accompany him to ,baltimore1 where she had long wished to visit a cousin newly married and settled there2 and1 with the approval of those with whom she was staying1 she accepted the invitation as suddenly as she received it1 and in two hours was in the stage for ,baltimore1 to ride night and day till she arrived there4 ,as soon as possible after her arrival1 she wrote to her father all the circumstances1 giving her reasons in a way that should and did avert his displeasure entirely4 ,but unfortunately he had already heard of the runaway by accident1 and one is forced to smile at the manner in which it affected him4 ,not waiting to hear from ,mary1 he instantly wrote to the lady in ,new ,york with whom she had staid1--,i am exceedingly vexed and mortified that she should do any thing so foolish1 and cannot conceive how she will be able to justify herself2 had ,i had any idea she would have been so indiscreet1 ,i would not have consented to her leaving ,boston4 ,i have been expecting daily to hear what was likely to be done with some muslins she had the charge of2 but instead of attending to that1 she is flying like a wild goose about the country4 ,these girls in their teens ,mary was just twenty should not be let out of their leading-strings2 nor would her's have been let loose1 but from confidence in her discretion4 ,yet in company with this letter he sent a note for his daughter1 which begins with saying he can hardly call her dear1 but ends in a very different tone2 and the first letter he receives sets all right4 ,his only anxiety now is to have her with him1 coupled1 however1 with a fear as to her companion home1 and again making us smile by a prediction which has been singularly reversed in the fulfilment4 ,if you are well1 pray come by the first good opportunity4 ,i am afraid you will wait till the end of the month for the parson2 your being so fond of parsons is rather ominous1 and you had better almost be any man's wife than a parson's4 ,the parson referred to was ,mr4 ,colman of ,hingham1 now returning from a visit to ,baltimore4 ,it is a pleasant conclusion of this little episode1 and offers a hint to children as well as parents1 that1 when ,mary found how much her father had felt1 without blaming herself for doing what seemed right and a duty1 she expressed such sorrow for the pain she had given him1 in terms so respectful and filial1 as to turn all his severity against himself1 and increase his admiration and love for her4 ,the next time he refers to her fondness for the clergy1 it is in a vein of pleasantry which seldom relieves his merchant-like letters4 ,could you not1 my dear1 enliven your letters by writing of persons and things which you have seen8 ,i think your letters are too much tinctured with what may be called moral philosophy1 for so young a person4 ,you are so fond of the clergy1 you will get into a habit of writing like one of them1 and if you were to turn ,quaker1 ,i have no doubt but you would preach yourself4 ,tell us something of ,baltimore1 how it is situated1 c42 and1 as ,mrs4 ,slipslop says1 something of the 'contagious country4' ,pray take care of your own health1 and get the family well soon4 ,the last words refer to the actual cause of ,mary's protracted absence4 ,on returning to ,new ,york1 intending to go home by the first opportunity1 she found her good friend1 ,mrs4 ,harman1 whom she was visiting before1 dangerously ill1 the husband absent1 and the family in great confusion and trouble4 ,at once she became the director and nurse1--offices which she seemed destined to fill wherever she went1 as her subsequent life will show4 ,all thought now of herself and her plans yielded to the present duty4 ,and not an easy duty could it have been1 as she describes the severity of the mother's sickness1 the care of difficult children1 and her responsibility in another's house and a strange city4 ,as soon as they were in a condition to be left1 she returned to ,boston1 though ,mr4 ,pickard even urged her to stay longer1 for rest and her own gratification4 ,for a year or more ,mary and her father remained together in ,boston1 with no change or incident to be noticed4 ,they were living at board1 so far as we find1 though they may have taken a house1 as he seemed very anxious before her return to be alone with her1 having an aversion to company1 and preferring her society and care to all other4 ,in her correspondence at this time1 the prevailing theme and object1 as usual1 were religion and its influences1 for herself and others4 ,we cannot but observe the preponderance of this theme1 and yet its perfectly natural and healthy tone4 ,with nothing dark or melancholy in her religious views1 with an habitual horror of ostentation and cant1 she lost no opportunity to cherish and diffuse an all-comprehending faith4 ,the letters which follow1 addressed to her constant friend1 declare their own occasion and design4 ,boston1 ,august #ab1 #ahai4 ,there was something in the strain of your last letter to me which has given me some feelings of anxiety4 ,you refer to the course of medical discipline which has been pursued with ,mr4 ---- with expressions of regret1 which1 though natural1 must add greatly to every other painful feeling that his present situation1 and perhaps loss1 must inevitably excite4 ,i cannot reprehend you for what ,i know but too well is the natural impulse under such circumstances2 but ,i would1 if it were possible1 point to a healing balm for that worst of all wounds1--fruitless regret4 ,i am no fatalist1 but the continual influence of an unerring ,providence is a truth which was early impressed on my heart1 and which daily observation has confirmed and strengthened4 ,the simple order of nature speaks it with a powerful voice2 the sacred pages of ,god's own book proclaim it in terms which cannot be misconstrued2 and would we impartially review our own lives1 should we not see in them incontrovertible proofs of an unseen power1 that guided and directed many things for our happiness which our blindness would have wished otherwise8 ,and are we to assent to this truth only when our minds can clearly see its reality8 ,are we to withhold our confidence in ,him whom we have always found mighty to save1 because we cannot in a single instance see its practicability8 ,o1 no6 far be it from us1 who profess to acknowledge the being and attributes of a merciful ,god1 to shrink when he puts our faith to the test4 ,are his so often repeated expressions of love towards his creatures mere empty sounds to deceive the credulous1 or assist the imagination in forming a perfect model of moral sublimity1 but to wither into airy nothing when we dwell on them for support8 ,this we would not1 most certainly1 admit in our actions1 and why should we even in our thoughts8 ,surely1 believing1 as we do1 that his promises are sure and steadfast1 we may in the darkest hours of adversity find consolation in the thought1 that1 however mysterious may be his decrees1 there must be some good result1 some benevolent design1 concealed beneath the most doubtful appearances4 ,cowper has beautifully versified this idea in his hymn1 beginning ',god moves in a mysterious way1 ,his wonders to perform'2 you will find it in ,belknap4 ,read it for the sake of one whom in all trials it has animated and consoled4 ,forgive me for dwelling so long on this subject4 ,do not infer that ,i think it new to you1 but it is one in which ,i have felt most deeply1 on which1 too1 ,i have had the most severe contentions with the spirit that warreth within1 and one which1 of all others1 it is necessary for our happiness and goodness to establish in our hearts1 that it may effectually influence our lives4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,brush ,hill1 ,september #bb1 #ahai4 ,it is now a month since the date of your last letter1 during which time ,i think ,i have at least once written you2 but our intercourse is now so different from what ,i would desire at this peculiarly eventful period1 that it seems as if ,i did nothing1 if ,i do not tell you every day how much depends on its events4 ,i have been with you in a happy vision1 and awake to the sad disappointment that it is but a dream1 and to the consciousness that for a long time my unfruitful pen will be my only means of communication4 ,it would be weak to repine at what is inevitable2 ,i will not give way to it4 ,how often have you told me that you were almost tempted to pray for trial1 that you might know the true state of your religious life1 that you might have your faith put to the test1 and the veil of self-deception taken from your eyes6 ,often have ,i prayed that1 whenever it should please the ,disposer of all things to send to you sorrow and affliction1 you might find strength and support where least expected1 not from your own resources1 but in that arm which is mighty to save to the uttermost all who seek4 ,it is not1 however1 simply in the belief that whatever ,he appoints is right1 that you are to receive his dispensations2 difficult as is the task1 we must not rest satisfied with ourselves until we have learned to receive with cheerful acquiescence what the world calls trials2 until we have learned to view all events as tending to the same great end1 and be thankful for what is denied1 as well as what is received2 knowing that there is but one great object in each4 ,this may at first seem too high an aim1 even above human powers to attain4 ,but it calls not on us to give up natural feeling1 only to guide it aright1 and the higher our standard of excellence is fixed1 the greater will be our efforts to attain it1 and our success unquestionably proportioned to it4 ,but why talk to you of what you have already more knowledge8 ,forgive me2 ,i lost1 in the interest ,i felt in your present happiness1 the remembrance that you were not in want of counsel on a subject on which you have already experienced enough to feel its importance4 ,but do not1 my dear friend1 look only on the dark side of the picture2 do not suffer your mind to lose its activity1 because confined at present to one subject4 ,it is not to contract our feelings1 but to expand and teach them to enter into the feelings of others1 that we are made thus to experience what it is to suffer4 ,should it not quicken our efforts to alleviate1 to our utmost endeavor1 those who are tried also1 and by a cheerful example lighten the hearts of fellow-sufferers8 ,i have felt1 and know therefore too well1 the tendency of severe trial to enervate the mind1 and lead us insensibly to give up our ambition to act on any other subject2 but our general duties are not the less imposing1 because a particular one requires more attention1 nor are we to give way for a moment to the impulse of self-indulgence1 because we feel any peculiar right to it4444 ,all this is unnecessary1 but you can conceive how deeply ,i feel interested in the result of this great trial of your ,christian faith4 ,i know its difficulties1 therefore can appreciate its triumphs4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 #ahai4 ,i leave the dismal beginning of a letter1 intended to excite your compassion for my suffering under the confinement of a cold1 and it would be rather mal apropos1 after what has passed1 to proceed in due form to give an account of myself during the long period since ,i last saw you4 ,but in order to preserve the unity of time and place1 ,i must first revert to the accident which brought us together so opportunely4 ,i will not pretend to defend the prudence of the action1 but acknowledge it was rather the impulse of strong desire to give some one a little pleasure1 than the sober dictate of reason1 and ,i felt that1 in ,m----'s solitary state1 she would be glad to see any one4 ,i know it was wrong in one point of view1 but right in another4 ,i was rewarded for a severe sickness1 as far as regarded my own sufferings1 should one have ensued4 ,i had a very pleasant ride1 and became more acquainted with ,j---- than ,i could in any other way4 ,i was agreeably surprised to find in his conversation so much depth of thought and knowledge of mankind4 ,i am glad of any opportunity to extend my acquaintance with character1 in its infinite variety4 ,there is no human knowledge1 ,i am persuaded1 which has so great an influence on our happiness4 ,we learn to estimate ourselves more justly1 and in the formation of our own characters we are enabled to discriminate between right and wrong more accurately2 for in nothing are we more liable to confound them1 than as respects our own feelings and motives4 ,is it not wilful blindness that leads us so often to ridicule in others what we unconsciously practise ourselves8 ,why are we not as cautious to ascertain the motives of the conduct of others as of our own8 ,we console ourselves1 when we have done any thing which to the eyes of the world appears weak and foolish1 with the thought that our motives are good1 and with a consciousness of having done what was right4 ,all else is of little importance2 but did we believe that our friends were as much influenced by appearances1 in their judgment of us1 as we are in ours of them1 ,i doubt if the approving smile of conscience would always compensate for the loss of the good opinion of those we love4 ,let us not1 then1 judge solely by the conduct of any what are their real characters2 peculiar circumstances may prevent even our most intimate friends from disclosing to us their particular reasons for every action2 but in that case1 if it be a tried friend1 it were surely a proof of friendship to believe that it is at least felt by him to be right4 ,and with regard to people in general1 let charity have its perfect work1 and let us think all are free from deliberate faults1 till we have good reason to suppose otherwise4 ,this is1 perhaps1 if understood literally1 rather too liberal a plan for this world of sin and wickedness2 but as far as is consistent with reason1 and our previous knowledge of men and manners1 is it not just to judge of all as we would be judged8 ,i have felt the want of this spirit of impartial justice1 and speak from experience in some respects2 in one1 ,i hope never to be tried4 ,i have been what you call mysterious2 could you understand me1 you would1 ,i am sure1 approve4 ,believe me1 ,i am not governed by caprice in my treatment of friends2 if any thing may have appeared so1 there has always been a motive1 and ,i feel that ,i may confidently rely on your friendship for all charitable construction4444 ,i am in a sad state4 ,i long to see you1 in hopes of procuring some remedy in your better regulated mind4 ,i am so much under the dominion of certain sickly feelings of late1 that ,i begin to think my mind will never recover its healthy tone again2 active employment for the good of others is the only preventive for such disorders4 ,i have not at present any prospect of such a means towards my own recovery1 but trust the vital energy of my being is not quite extinct1 and that ere long it will rise and subdue the weaker powers4444 ,i have just thought that it is the spring-like feeling of the day that has such a weakening effect on my mind4 ,why do we indulge so much in idealism1 instead of the real pleasure of our existence8 ,i have no opinion of this giving way to imagination in our estimate of life4 ,,mary4 ,in the month of ,october a death occurred which awakened all her sympathy1 and the sympathy and sorrow of a large community4 ,the ,rev4 ,john ,e4 ,abbot1 whose life and character ,henry ,ware has made familiar to us all1 died in ,october1 at his father's in ,exeter1 where ,mary's friend was staying as a relative4 ,to both of them he had been a ,christian helper when they most needed ,christian counsel and encouragement4 ,his short life was1 indeed1 a blessing to all who knew him1 and his death full of joy and peace in believing4 ,again was the pen taken1 and solace offered4 ,boston1 ,october #ae1 #ahai4 ,i attempted1 my dear friend1 to write you on ,tuesday1 for ,i felt then that1 all being over1 ,i could calmly write of what had passed1 and direct your feelings and my own to the future4 ,but ,i knew from experience that a few days' delay would find you more in want of a letter2 as the necessary exertion which attends a scene like that you have passed through occupies the whole mind while it is necessary to support it1 but leaves1 when it is passed1 a vacuity which needs some external power to fill it4 ,perhaps ,i too easily found in this an excuse for leaving my letter unfinished1 and now that ,i review it1 ,i blush at my own weakness4 ,i sought to relieve my own heart1 instead of strengthening yours4 ,i have been with you every moment since ,i last wrote you1 and too fully realized all that you have suffered4 ,at the moment ,i was writing you1 that pure spirit was taking its flight4 ,i felt it as by intuition1 and needed not further confirmation4 ,but it was a relief to know that his blessed spirit was for ever beyond the reach of pain and anguish2 that it was exalted to its native home1 there to realize all that his brightest hopes could anticipate of a glorious immortality4 ,i feel an almost total inability to write you on this subject4 ,could ,i talk to you1 there would be time to enlarge on all the thoughts which it suggests4 ,but they are so various1 so interesting1 so overpowering1 that ,i know not on which to dwell4 ,his virtues are too deeply imprinted on our hearts to receive any additional weight by enumeration4 ,we can only go forward with them to that world where they shall meet a reward proportionate to their value4 ,the remembrance of his character1 while it awakens every emotion of affection which he excited while on earth1 sheds on the heart a light which unfolds to the eye of faith its glorious perfection in heaven4 ,nothing in him can have escaped the mind of one so closely connected with him2 friends need not to be reminded of what is imprinted in indelible characters on their hearts4 ,but the thought that what we so loved and cherished is gone for ever from us1 that the form by which we have held communion with the spirit is hid for ever from our view1 the chilling realities of death and decay1 as they appeal to our purest earthly feelings1 are the most difficult to contend with4 ,our brightest visions of the future have a most powerful drawback in the horror with which nature shrinks from the sad appendages of death4 ,it is this1 ,i think1 which more than any thing else makes us look forward to our own dissolution with instinctive dread1 and leads us to avoid1 if possible1 every thing that reminds us of it4 ,but when we view it as it really is1 but a step in the ceaseless progression which is to carry us on to eternity1 as a mere change of the external habitation of our spirits1 a removal of the greatest impediments in our progress towards perfection1 then1 indeed1 it loses all its terror1 and we think of our friends who have passed through it as absent only in body1 but present in spirit4 ,our own souls1 though still connected with an earthly load1 form by their derivation from heaven a part of the spiritual world1 and in proportion as they become purified from the corruption of the world1 they approach the state of those beatified beings who have finished their course4 ,and therefore1 though separated from them in this world1 we are allied to them more closely than earthly ties could bind us1 and must patiently wait for the fulfilment of our ,father's plans for our joyful removal to them4 ,this is1 indeed1 a new incentive to exertion1 to prepare ourselves for this change4 ,i have feared it might supersede a still higher motive2 but how far it may be permitted to influence us1 ,i dare not determine4 ,that our earthly affections may be a means of leading us to the ,creator of them and of all our powers of thinking and feeling1 ,i believe must be true1 or they would not have been given us as sources of such pure enjoyment here4 ,but their tendency to make us forget all other considerations1 to absorb those thoughts which should be directed to higher objects1 is the trial which always attends every means of worldly enjoyment we possess1 and as such should be combated with our utmost powers4444 ,yours1 most truly1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,in the summer of #ahba ,mary went with her father to live in ,dorchester4 ,and the change from town to country1 and from a life of business and care to the free and still enjoyment of nature1 seems to have had both a favorable and unfavorable effect upon her mind4 ,unfavorable in part1 if we may trust her own account of herself4 ,in this account1 however1 there is a nearer approach to morbidness than we have before seen1 and a kind of self-disparagement1 which must have been sincere at the time1 but was not1 we think1 a part of her essential character4 ,humble she was always2 truly1 deeply humble2 yet no one knew better than she1 or acted more upon the truth1 that genuine humility says very little about itself4 ,and the expressions of it which appear in the letters that follow were made1 we are to remember1 to a confiding friend1 to whom she declared all that she felt1 though it were but the feeling of the moment1 and the next moment recalled4 ,she says herself1 in this connection1--,i believe ,i have given an extravagant detail of my danger2 and ,i may be under the influence of one of those fits of distempered mind1 to which ,i have always been prone4 ,if this were so1 it shows the more what efforts she made1 and how completely she brought every such disposition under the sway of principle1 so that few who knew her ever suspected1 we imagine1 that any effort was necessary4 ,but we are ourselves overstating1 it may be1 the disposition to which we refer4 ,wherever it appears1 as here1 it is connected with such just and exalted sentiments1 that it seems incidental and unimportant4 ,dorchester1 ,june #ah1 #ahba4 ,the first line which ,i date from this place is to you1 my friend1 to whom my first feelings1 on all occasions of self-interest1 turn for sympathy4 ,your friendly curiosity is awake to know what effect a new kind of life is to have on a character which ,i know you feel of some importance to yourself4 ,i would not imply that this selfish reason is the only motive of your interest1 but ,i seek rather to find in it some pretence for indulging myself in the egotism which is creeping over me2 and which led me to this desk for relief4 ,how much will one short week of quiet reflection teach of our own hearts6 ,how deceived are we1 if we imagine we know ourselves thoroughly1 when we have been but partially exposed to that change of circumstances and situation which alone can develop character even to one's self6 ,i have found1 indeed1 just what ,i anticipated1 that the change from constant activity to perfect stillness and inaction would of course produce a vacuity which time and habit would alone overcome2 but ,i knew not the whole weakness of my mind4 ,in the bustle of a busy life 7idly busy1 perhaps1 but not the less exciting7 ,i had almost lost sight of my natural propensities4 ,accustomed to find objects to occupy my powers wherever ,i turned1 ,i mistook the simple love of being employed for real energy of mind1 and therefore did not even apprehend the want of power to direct these energies to whatever ,i pleased4 ,but it is not as ,i thought4 ,my natural turn of mind 7if ,i may so call what is perhaps more a weakness of heart7 is for that calm1 saddened view of things1 which seeks enjoyment from the contemplative in character1 and lives rather on the food of imagination than reality4 ,i never found in words a more accurate description of the prevailing mood of my natural feelings than in that exquisite little poem1 ',i'm pleased1 and yet ,i'm sad1'--yet not of an uneasy1 discontented temperament1 but simply inclined to the purest refinement of melancholy4 ,trials which called for vigor of mind and cheerfulness of manner1 a situation whose duties required the full employment of time which might otherwise have been wasted in cultivating this propensity1 and perhaps a little pride lest those who could not understand it should discover it1 and ,i hope a principle which taught me to wage war with what must interfere with higher duties1--all these combined to stifle the propensity1 and ,i sometimes thought had almost extinguished it4 ,but now1 removed from those occupations which demanded thought as well as action1 thrown entirely upon myself1 with every thing around to inspire the enthusiastic indulgence of fancy1 my imagination has suddenly taken the reins1 and ,i find it will not be without a struggle that reason and principle will recover them4 ,i suppose ,i must set about some new study or dry book1 if ,i cannot find some animate subject to interest and fix my mind4 ,there is a little deaf and dumb girl just opposite us1 and if ,i knew the process ,i would teach her to read4 ,i must have something to do which will rouse my mind to exertion4 ,i have employment enough1 but it is not of my mind1 and that is unfortunately one which will retrograde if it does not progress4 ,i am delighted with our situation1 and cannot describe to you the sensations of first realizing that ,i am living in the pure1 unconfined atmosphere of nature4 ,it has a power1 which ,i hope familiarity will never efface1 of elevating the heart to ,him whose 'hand ,i see1 wrought in each flower1 inscribed on every tree4' ,it is a privilege which ,i hope ,i shall fully estimate1 to be thus reminded at every glance of the love and power of our ,father in heaven4 ,i am grateful for that goodness which has appointed me so much of the purest enjoyment of life1 and ,i would testify it by devoting all my powers to his best service4 ,i was not made for solitude of heart1 and ,i would find all that my heart requires in the love of divine perfection4 ,i think ,foster will do me good1--',on the ,epithet ,romantic4' ,i have just been taking a delightful walk1 as the sun was setting gloriously1 and ,i think if you were only with me ,i should enjoy it tenfold4 ,i wish you could arrange matters to come out with father one night before you go1 and we will go to ,milton4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dorchester1 ,july #be1 #ahba4 ,i wrote you last rather a monotonous round of sedentary employments1 occasionally interrupted by a visit to the city1 or a ride about the country4 ,on the whole ,i enjoy life highly1 although my present mode is so novel a one1 that ,i am sometimes at a loss to decide whether it is actual enjoyment or negative indulgence of ease4 ,but country life is a privilege ,i estimate most highly2 that ,i can at all times1 when ,i raise my eyes1 find my thoughts so forcibly directed1 by all ,i behold1 to that 'still communion which transcends the imperfect offices of prayer and praise'6 ,i am persuaded that it is far easier to cultivate a devotional spirit here than in the confusion of life1 and to have a deeper sense of the presence of ,god in the heart4 ,feeling is little1 to be sure1 unless it fortifies for action2 but in the hour of trial1 we find great assistance in recalling past exercises1 and in spiritual as well as temporal concerns habit is a powerful coadjutor4 ,that high-wrought state of feeling which some of the splendid appearances of nature often produce on a heart which has once felt the power of piety1 is ridiculed as enthusiasm of the most dangerous kind2 and ,i do not myself think it is any test of religious character2 but as far as the enjoyment of the present moment is of any importance1 what can exceed it8 ,we are1 indeed1 too apt to feel that we have been on the mount1 when it was but a vision which we saw2 but where it does not so deceive us1 nothing but a good effect can result from its indulgence4 ,i recollect part of a description of this state of mind in ,wordsworth's ,excursion1 which from its accuracy has remained in my mind1 though ,i forget the scene which suggested it3-- ',sound needed none1 ,nor any form of words2 his spirit drank ,the spectacle2 sensation1 soul1 and form ,all melted in him2 they swallowed up ,his animal being2 in them did he live1 ,and by them did he live2 they were his life4 ,in such access of mind1 in such high hour ,of visitation from the living ,god1 ,thought was not2 in enjoyment it expired4 ,no thanks he breathed1 he proffered no request4 ,rapt into still communion that transcends ,the imperfect offices of prayer and praise1 ,his mind was a thanksgiving to the ,power ,that made him2 it was blessedness and love4' ,i have got ,samor to read1 because you recommend it1 and am shocked to find how unfit my mind has become for every kind of application in the way of reading4 ,i know you think ,i am greatly deficient in that kind of literary taste which fits one for an agreeable companion1--and ,i feel most sensibly that it is true4 ,but ,i am fully persuaded that if the sentimental requisites of an interesting character are only to be derived from books1 ,i must go through life the plain matter-of-fact lady ,i now am2 it is too late for me to work a reform4 ,,mary4 ,not long afterward1 an event occurred of no little interest and importance to ,mary1--the marriage of her true friend1 now ,mrs4 ,paine1 who went to reside in ,worcester4 ,in a letter dated ,may1 #ahbb1 we find a full expression of the thoughts and wishes caused by this event1 but of too personal and private a character to be used4 ,the letter closes with an allusion to herself1 showing that she had trials and experiences of her own1 not to be disclosed to the public eye4 ,she speaks of the previous winter1 as a remarkable era1 never to be forgotten4 ,its perplexities have passed away1 but its blessings have increased and become consummated4 ,we have all found it an important period1 and to some of us the most so of life4 ,how far it has improved us1 ,he who searcheth the heart alone knows2 but for myself1 ,i feel that it has been a scene of more mental suffering than ,i ever before knew4 ,you have seen it1 and will not misunderstand me when ,i say that1 had ,i been more indifferent1 ,i should have escaped much torture4 ,but it has been a good lesson for me4 99 99 99 99 99 ,there are few greater demands upon the exercise of a sound discretion and practical wisdom1 than the giving counsel and exerting a right influence on sceptical minds4 ,nor is it often that such minds are willing to open themselves1 and confide their doubts or indifference to a ,christian friend4 ,unfortunately1 ,christians are apt to be either too careless in their conduct1 or too morose in their manners and severe of judgment1 to make a favorable impression on the sceptical1 and win their confidence in the assurance of a generous sympathy4 ,we dare not conjecture how much of the infidelity of the world1 and the unhappiness of the unbelieving1 is owing to this cause4 ,we are sometimes driven to the fear1 that ,christians themselves may have as much to answer for as those whom they exclude for their unbelief1 and whom they fail to impress with the power of their own faith1 or the beauty of their holiness4 ,we have many intimations that this was felt peculiarly by her of whom we write4 ,and it is one indication of character1 and of the aspect and influence of her faith1 that many came to her freely with their doubts and difficulties4 ,some of the particular cases cannot be published4 ,but where no names are used in her account of them1 nor a hint given of the persons intended1 there can be no impropriety in offering the facts as related4 ,the reflections with which she accompanies them may be profitable to both classes of minds1 the believing and the doubting4 ,under date of ,august1 #ahbb1 ,mary writes to her former instructors in ,hingham1 giving with other incidents the following case of hard indifference1 if not infidelity4 ,this leads me to a subject upon which ,i want assistance4 ,i have lately met with a person of my own age1 who1 though living in a ,christian land1 under the public dispensations of the ,word1 from the more powerful influence of those with whom she has lived and the want of education1 is as it were wholly ignorant of what religion is1 in any form1 except as it is in some way connected with going to church1 but without the least feeling of what that connection is4 ,she is not deficient in strength of mind1 or capacity to receive instruction on the subject1 but without any idea of the necessity of any other principle of action than she already possesses2 that is1 a firmness of purpose proceeding from natural decision1 and a patience under trial1 because experience has taught the weakness and uselessness of irritation4 ,now this seems to me an opportunity of doing some real good4 ,i have almost unlimited influence over her from the strong affection she feels1 and1 as my opportunities are few1 ,i cannot neglect this one without reproach4 ,but that dreadful consciousness of incapacity will place its iron hand on my wishes4 ,i am aware that much might and ought to be done1 but that much1 if not every thing1 depends on the first impression4 ,she must be made to feel the necessity1 in order to be excited to the pursuit of piety2 and how this is to be done ,i know not4 ,never did ,i feel so forcibly the imperfection of the characters of ,christians1 as on this occasion4 ,to be able to point to one example of the power of religion in producing that uniform loveliness of character and happiness of life of which it is capable1 would do more than volumes of argument to such a mind and heart4 ,it has made me shrink at my own unworthiness of the name ,i bear4 ,could you find a moment to assist me in this undertaking1 you would confer an unspeakable kindness4 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,another more decided and serious case came to her knowledge about the same time1--a case of avowed atheism1 confided to her for relief1 and most kindly and wisely met by her2 so that1 while she supposed no effect had been produced1 the work was going on1 and an intelligent1 troubled spirit came out of darkness into marvellous light4 ,this success1 which seems to have surprised her1 was apparently owing to the beauty of her own religion1 and the harmony and happiness of her life1 which the doubter could not fail to see1 which indeed first induced the confession1 and was more effectual than any formal arguments2 another evidence of the power and responsibility of the ,christian course and character4 ,what a responsibility did this trust impose on me6 ,mary writes2 for ,i knew that no human being but myself was aware of it4 ,it was too much to bear alone2 ,i was unequal to it1 ,i dared not attempt it for a time1 ,i knew that so much depended on the very first step in such cases4 ,the counsellor to whom she would gladly have gone for aid1 her beloved pastor1 was then absent1 travelling in ,europe for his health4 ,he returned the following summer2 and the account she gives of that happy event1 familiar as the facts may be to the readers of the ,memoir of ,channing1 will be interesting to many1 as the impression of one who saw and heard for herself4 ,dorchester1 ,august #be1 #ahbc4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,i have just returned from passing the day with ,e----1 and although it is late1 and ,i am very tired1 ,i cannot resist the strong desire ,i have to send you a few lines by her to-morrow1 that ,i may give you some faint idea1 at least1 of what you would have felt1 had you heard ,mr4 ,channing yesterday4 ,but to begin at the right end of the tale1 ,i passed ,thursday in town1 and learned that ,mr4 ,channing would possibly come in a vessel which was expected daily4 ,on ,friday ,i was at ,nahant1 and saw a ship enter the harbor which might be that4 ,saturday ,i went to ,newton1 and on my return was told that he had actually arrived1 and was to preach the next morning4 ,i could scarcely credit it1 and it was not until my arrival at home1 when ,i received a note from ,george requesting me to come in to hear him1 and pass the day in ,pearl ,street1 that ,i could be convinced it was actually true4 ,i went in on ,sunday morning1 and with what sensations ,i saw the church filling1 and every one looking round in anxious expectation1 you may perhaps imagine2 it was a feeling more of dread than pleasure1 lest the first glance at his face should destroy all our hopes4 ,he wisely waited until all had entered1 and when his quick step was heard 7for you might have heard a leaf fall71 the whole body of people rose1 as it were with one impulse1 to welcome him4 ,he was much affected by this1 and it was some seconds before he could raise his head2 but when he did1 it made the eyes that gazed on him rejoice to see him1 seated in his accustomed corner1 looking round on his people with the most animated expression of joy glowing on his face1 and with the evidences of improved health stamped on every feature4 ,his skin was much burned1 to be sure1 which may have given him an appearance of health that did not belong to him1 but the increase of his flesh and the animation of his countenance promised much4 ,mr4 ,dewey commenced the services as he used to do1 but when1 after the prayer1 ,mr4 ,channing rose and read his favorite psalm1-- ',my soul1 repeat ,his praise1 ,whose mercies are so great1' ,i could hardly realize that he had been absent1 his voice and manner and action were so exactly like himself in his very best days4 ,he stood through the whole psalm1 and seemed to join in and enjoy every note of the music4 ,he could not control a smile of joy4 ,but of what followed ,i can tell you little4 ,you have heard him when he felt obliged1 as then1 to dismiss the restraints of form1 and speak freely the thoughts that filled his mind1 and have perhaps often thought with others that he went too far1 was too particular1 too personal2 but yesterday1 ,i believe the most uninterested person present could not find fault4 ,i thought it was the most deeply affecting address ,i ever heard2 it was also deeply and decidedly practical4 ,there are few occasions which will authorize a minister to excite the feelings of his audience in a very great degree1 and none which can make it allowable for him to rest in mere excitement4 ,but when their minds1 from any peculiar circumstance1 are particularly susceptible1 ,i know no reason why it should not be permitted that they be addressed familiarly and affectionately on the subject of it4 ,but you need not that ,i should defend ,mr4 ,channing from the charge of egotism4 ,you understand his motives too well to require it4 ,his text was from the hundred and sixteenth ,psalm3 ',what shall ,i render unto ,god for all his mercies8 ,i will offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving1 ,i will call on the name of the ,lord1 ,i will pay my vows unto the ,lord now in the presence of his people4' ,returning1 as he said1 under such peculiar circumstances of mercy to his home and his people1 he trusted no apology was necessary for waiving the common forms of the pulpit1 that he might speak to his people as to his friends1 that he might in the fulness of his heart utter its emotions to those who1 he trusted1 could understand and sympathize with them4 ,as he slightly reviewed the views with which he left us1 the mercies that had followed him1 and the blessings which were showered on his return1 he seemed almost overpowered with the fulness of his feelings1 and ,i feared he would not be able to go on4 ,but his voice rose as he said1 ',and now what shall ,i render for all these benefits8 ,i will first pay my vows unto ,him1 whose mighty arm hath been stretched out to save1 whose never failing love hath everywhere attended me4' ,the ascription of praise which followed was more truly sublime than any thing ,i ever heard or read4 ,his solemn dedication of his renewed life to the service of ,him who had borne him in safety over the great deep1 who had sustained him in sickness1 comforted him in affliction1 and crowned all his gifts by giving him strength to return to his duties1 was almost too much to bear4 ,it was a testimony to the power of religion1 which spoke more loudly than all the books that ever were written to prove it4 ,but he meant not to speak of his past experiences merely to relieve his own heart2 he had but one great object in view1 the good of his people1 and he would not lose sight of that even when the fulness of his own feelings might almost be allowed to engage his whole mind4 ,he could not be expected to enumerate all that he had learned during his absence1 but one thing he could assure us2 that at every step1 under all circumstances1 in every country1 and with every variety of character1 he had become more and more convinced of the value and necessity of the ,christian revelation4 ,the last of that succession of bereavements which ,mary was so early called to meet1 and by which she was left as alone in the world1 was now at hand4 ,since the death of her mother1 in #ahab1 when there devolved mainly upon her1 at the age of fourteen1 the care of a dispirited and feeble father1 and two aged grandparents1 with other members of the family in a most trying condition1 she had lived either in the sick-room1 or in a press of domestic cares and business avocations4 ,that these often made a severer demand upon her strength and patience1 as well as affection1 than any one knew at the time1 or indeed ever knew1 appears from various intimations in her letters and life4 ,and all this was now to be brought to a crisis by the death of her father1 leaving her without one near relative1 or proper home4 ,they had been boarding for some time in ,dorchester1 in the family of ,mr4 ,barnard2 where she received1 as she says1 the greatest kindness and affection1--and she felt the need of it4 ,but let her give the circumstances in her own words4 ,boston1 ,november #a1 #ahbc4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,i have been wishing this whole week to find time to write you1 but it has been wholly impracticable4 ,i have been in a perpetual agitation from sundry unexpected occurrences and continual interruptions from visitors4 ,in fact1 at no moment of my whole existence have ,i more wanted your counsel and sympathy4 ,you know it is my lot to be assailed in more than one direction if in any1 and it has been more remarkably the case now than ever4444 ,i thank you most sincerely for your two good letters2 it was more than ,i dared expect1 and it was a cordial to me to receive the kind expression of your sympathy1 though ,i should not have doubted its existence without it4 ,you say you 'have heard but little of me1' and it was scarcely possible that you should hear of the immediate circumstances that attended my trial4 ,it was so sudden that ,i was1 as it were1 alone1 and ,i have feared that1 in indulging myself in writing to you of it1 ,i should give way too far1 and distress and weary you4 ,i have realized more than ,i ever did in any of the various changes ,i have met with1 that 'the wind is tempered to the shorn lamb1' and even in the very extremity of trial we can be strengthened to support all with calmness4 ,for the first three days of my father's sickness he seemed to have only a severe cold and slightly disordered stomach1 and though ,i had called ,dr4 ,thaxter1 it was more to satisfy him that the medicine ,i gave was necessary for him1 than from any doubt that ,i could do all that was needed2 for he had often appeared more sick1 and ,i had administered to him without any advice4 ,on the morning of the fourth he appeared to be a little wandering1 but remained quiet until night1 when he was very violent for two or three hours2 and the following day ,i was told by the physician that nothing but a miracle could preserve his life until the next morning4 ,i heard it calmly1 ,i believe because ,i could not realize it4 ,he did not seem to be conscious that he was sick2 he did all that ,i asked him to1 but did not seem to know me4 ,i soon found that the doctor's prediction was but too true1 for symptoms of decay increased very rapidly1 and at three the next morning he breathed his last1 as a child would go to sleep4 ,not a struggle indicated the approach of the destroyer4 ,i held his hand1 and gazed at him until ,i was taken from him senseless4 ,no one was with me but ,mr4 ,b----1 and ,mr4 ,e----1 his son-in-law4 ,i recovered myself in a few moments and found ,mr4 ,e---- fainting2 this obliged me instantly to rouse myself to action1 which was all mercifully disposed1 and ,i sat down quietly with them for the remainder of the night1 giving directions when any thing passed my mind1 or remaining silent1 knowing all would be done just as ,i wished4 ,it would have seemed dreadful to me had ,i anticipated passing through such a scene with only two gentlemen1 who a few months before were perfect strangers to me2 but it never passed my mind that ,i was not with my nearest friends4 ,i could not in volumes tell you of all their kindness4 ,it was one of the striking testimonies of ,god's merciful care of me1 that ,he placed me with them4 ,indeed1 ,his goodness towards me has been most wonderful1 and above all1 that ,he has enabled me to feel it continually2 even in the awful stillness of that night ,i never lost sight of it4 ,i could feel as it were ,his arm beneath me2 and ,i can truly say ,i never experienced that fulness of heavenly peace which results from undeviating confidence in ,him1 which ,i then did4 ,it was an hour of peculiar elevation which ,i can never forget1 and which ,i trust will ever be a source of unfailing support1 as it must be of gratitude4 ,what beside could have sustained me amidst its horrors8 ,all that ,i could call my own was departing from me1 and ,i was standing as it were alone in the universe2 but ,i felt that ,i was the object of ,his care who was all-sufficient1 and ,i found in that consciousness a calmness which nothing could move4 ,i stood firm and erect1 though the storms of life seemed to have concentrated their power to overthrow me1 and ,i felt that the ,power which enabled me to do this would never forsake me1 for it was not my own4 ,we may talk of the resolution and fortitude which some possess1 but what would it all be at such an hour8 ,nothing1--less than nothing4 ,i gave up all reliance upon myself1 or ,i should have utterly failed4 ,every thing was directed with the utmost mercy4 ,even his unconsciousness1 which ,i thought at first ,i could not bear1 was a mercy to him1 for how much was he spared by it2 he could not have left me alone without a severe struggle4 ,i am now fixed for the winter1 and shall soon feel1 ,i doubt not1 as much at home as it is possible for me to feel2 and if the greatest kindness and affection that ever were shown to any human being can make me happy1 ,i shall be so1 for ,i have it4 ,with love1 ,i am yours1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,,vi4 ,,visit ,,abroad4 ,mary ,pickard was now alone4 ,every member of her own family had gone1 and she had witnessed and smoothed the passage of every one4 ,she had only entered mature life1 but her twenty-five years of experience and change had been equal to double that period of common life4 ,already had she learned the great truth1 which to many comes late1 if at all1-- ,we live in deeds1 not years2 in thoughts1 not breaths2 ,in feelings1 not in figures on a dial4 ,heretofore she had always had an object to live for1--some one dependent upon her affection and exertions1 to whom it was happiness enough to minister4 ,now there was no one2 and we wonder not that she said1 ,i seem to hang so loosely on the world1 that it is of little importance where ,i am4 ,it was indeed a singular providence which at this moment opened to her an entirely new field1 yet one wholly congenial with her tastes and wishes4 ,her only relatives on the father's side were in ,england1 connections whom she had seen only as a child twenty years before1 but had always hoped to see again4 ,and not for her own gratification only1 but that she might be of service1 if possible1 to those who were in depressed and obscure condition1 as some of them were4 ,this consideration1 which would have offered least inducement to most young minds1 perhaps have kept them away1 was an incentive to ,mary1 and gave her a right to find in the opportunity a duty as well as a pleasure2 especially as the occasion given her was itself an opportunity to serve an invalid friend4 ,the circumstances will appear in the following letters to ,miss ,cushing and ,mrs4 ,paine4 ,boston1 ,march #h1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,miss ,,cushing3-- ,if sorrow for sin is any ground for forgiveness1 ,i trust you will grant it to me1 for my shameful neglect of you4 ,do not think that forgetfulness or want of interest has led to this2 you know me1 ,i trust1 better than to believe that1 and you know my faults too well not to be able to account for it1 from my too deeply rooted habit of procrastinating4 ,often during the past winter have ,i thought1 if ,i could only see you1 ,i should be sure to find the guidance and sympathy which ,i have longed for2 but when ,i thought of writing to you1 ,i felt the selfishness of troubling you with my own perplexities1 knowing that1 as my mind was so much occupied by them1 ,i could not compensate you for it by any other communications ,i could make4 ,the last six months have indeed brought to me a constant struggle of feeling4 ,left as ,i was to choose my own path on the wide ocean of life1 with health1 strength1 and some means of influence1 the responsibility which it imposed to use to the best possible advantage the powers that ,god had given me1 to promote the end for which ,i knew they were given1 was almost overpowering1--and at times ,i would have given myself up willingly to the control of any one who would relieve me from the burden4 ,i have experienced in so many striking ways the great goodness of ,god in giving me light to guide1 and strength to sustain me in hours of trial1 that it is1 ,i know1 but practical infidelity to doubt for one moment that his protecting influence will still be extended towards me1 if ,i try my utmost to attain a knowledge of duty1 and persevere to my best ability in the path which conscience dictates4 ,but the difficulty is1 that1 though in great events where we see at once that no human power can aid us we cannot but acknowledge that ,he is sufficient for all things1 we are too apt to lose sight of this truth in cases in which human agency must be exerted1 forgetting that ,god is as surely the operating cause in one case as the other4 ,when it appears that our fate may be determined by a single word which we feel the power of uttering1 we can scarcely help thinking that upon our own heads must be all the consequences which may follow2 and thinking thus1 we must realize our weakness and insufficiency4 ,all this has been preying upon my mind1 and its effects have been deplorably contracting to my thoughts4 ,i have1 indeed1 been outwardly much occupied by various pursuits1 trying to do something for others1 but my thinking has been nearly all for myself4 ,this is my only excuse for not writing you more1 and ,i think with this specimen you will be satisfied that ,i have not before attempted it4 ,i believe that all the events that befall us are exactly such as are best adapted to improve us2 and ,i find1 in a perfect confidence in the wisdom and love which ,i know directs them1 a source of peace which no other thing can give2 and in the difficulty ,i find in acting upon this belief ,i see a weakness of nature1 which those very trials are designed to assist us in overcoming1 and which trial alone can conquer4 ,whatever is in store for me1 ,i trust that ,i shall not forget that the first and only important object of existence is to promote1 as far as my powers may extend1 the cause of holiness4 ,that every one1 however humble their station and limited their capacity1 has some power to do this1 ,i doubt not1 as ,i find in every line of ,god's word a command to do so2 and ,i pray that my feeble efforts may be fully devoted to this end4 99 99 99 99 99 ,march #ae4 ,what changes a few days may produce in one's prospects6 ,little could ,i think1 a week ago1 that the conclusion of this letter was to tell you1 that in less than another week ,i should be floating on the vast ocean1 on my way to ,england4 ,but so it is1 and ,i hope that the suddenness of the determination to go has not shut from my eyes any very important consideration against it4 ,it seems to me like a dream1 for it is only in my dreams that ,i have ever thought of it as a possibility4 ,i have wished to see my relations there1 having always kept up a constant correspondence with them1 and felt very much interested in them2 but since my father's death1 ,i have viewed the accomplishment of this wish as an impossibility4 ,but now that so good an opportunity has offered1 ,i cannot hesitate to accept it4 ,i seem to hang so loosely on the world1 that it is of little importance where ,i am1 as it regards duties1 and it is an advantage to enlarge one's ideas1 which ,i feel ought to be improved4 ,to tell you all that ,i feel at leaving home would be impossible2 it is a most solemn undertaking1 and when ,i glance at the possibilities connected with such a step1 it almost overwhelms me4 ,i wish ,i could see every one of you once more4 ,my heart is indeed too full to tell you half that ,i wish4 ,yours most affectionately1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,march #ac1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,i have been sitting many minutes with my pen in my hand and paper before me1 trying to bring to myself sufficient resolution to tell you the new and surprising turn which has taken place in my wayward destiny4 ,i have been so long the creature of circumstances that you must be prepared for changes of all kinds in my lot2 but ,i know not how it will strike you when you learn for truth1 that in one week from to-morrow ,i sail for ,england4 ,i thought that ,i was entirely willing to go1 but as ,i find myself telling you of it1 and think that it is utterly impossible for me to see you again1 my heart sinks within me1 and ,i almost shrink from it4 ,in fact1 this is the first moment ,i have realized it4 ,i knew nothing of it until the day before yesterday1 when ,edward ,robbins sent to me1 to say that his physicians and friends advised his taking a voyage1 and that1 if ,i could go with him1 it would decide him to take their advice4 ,i had thought of the subject so much1 that ,i was prepared at once to answer4 ,it is a very desirable thing for me to visit the few relations which ,i have there1 and ,i could never give up the expectation and endeavor to accomplish it4 ,my dependent state was the only barrier1 as ,i could never go unless under the protection of one of the few male friends from whom ,i should be willing to receive such an obligation1 and it was so unlikely that either of those few would ever think of going1 that ,i had but little hope ,i should ever realize my wishes4 ,but this proposition at once removed all difficulties4 ,our families have been so long connected1 and ,edward himself has been so particularly kind to me through life1 and more than ever since ,i have been without a parent's protection1 and is in every respect so exactly calculated to make one feel willing and happy to be under obligation1 that ,i could not but feel that now was the time 7if ever7 for me to accomplish this great object4 ,doubts about the sufficiency of my means1 and some scruples about my right to employ them in this way1 made me hesitate a few hours2 but in less than four ,i decided1 with the advice of all whom it was necessary to consult1 that it was right to improve the present1 as all future opportunities were uncertain4 ,that it cost me a deep inward struggle to make my feelings acquiesce1 you will not doubt4 ,the first day ,i felt like a child4 ,i could not glance even at the reasons which favored my going without sad and overpowering retrospection1 and the thought of the uncertainty of the result1 the thousand possibilities involved in such a change1 almost turned my brain2 and yet every one was wondering how ,i could look so composed and keep so still4 ,it is singular how much little things sometimes concur to aid us4 ,it was ,thursday1 and ,i was just going to lecture1 as ,mr4 ,robbins came in with his proposal4 ,i went still1 and ,mr4 ,walker gave us one of the most delightful1 strengthening sermons upon the influence of the ,spirit1 and the all-sufficiency of trust in its guidance1 that ,i ever heard in my life4 ,i believe no other subject could have fixed my attention1 and it did fix it most effectually4 ,i know it is utterly impossible that ,i should see you1 therefore ,i will not dwell for a moment on the thought4 ,i have1 of course1 a great deal to think about1 although little personal preparation2 but ,i must leave every thing in which ,i have the least concern just as ,i should wish if ,i was certain ,i should never return4 ,god only knows what the future will bring to me1 but ,i hope to find myself wholly willing to yield myself to the disposal of his providence4 ,we think of these changes for others1 and feel little doubt about their safety1 but when the case becomes our own1 it is another thing4 ,to embark on the wide ocean in a little1 frail vessel with perfect calmness1 requires a firmness of faith of which no one can boast until they have stood the test4 ,i have no fear of it now1 and ,i trust ,i shall find that the ground of confidence in the all-powerful ,god1 which the experience of my life has given me1 will be sufficient to support me in all events4 ,i am willing to be put to the test1 for if all that ,i think ,i feel is but delusion1 ,i had better discover the delusion before it is too late4 ,we have taken passage in the ,emerald4 ,if ,i feel alone here1 ,i don't know what ,i shall do in a land of strangers4 ,we go to ,liverpool1 and probably immediately to ,london from there4 ,i go with very moderate hopes about seeing the wonders and beauties4 ,i must be satisfied with seeing people1 not things4 ,i shall have no right to travel much1 and shall have no advantages not common to the most insignificant2 nevertheless1 if ,i can attain my principal object1 all the rest will be unexpected gain4 ,it is most probable we shall be gone a year1 but it is possible we may return in the fall4 ,what a variety for one poor soul in the last four months6 ,it absolutely makes me giddy to think of it all4 ,but what a source of comfort is it1 that in all things ,i have sought guidance where ,i believe it is ever freely given2 and ,i do believe1 whatever is the event of all this1 it must be the direction of ,him who knows and governs all things ,i must not write more4 ,yours most affectionately1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,a particular friend in ,milton1 one of the truest and noblest friends that ,mary or any one ever had1 describes her as at this time worn to the bone with care and trial2 and then breaks forth in praise of her1 in unmeasured terms2 adding1 ,yet1 with all this superiority1 where is the other being on whom any poor fool can repose with such trust and confidence1 as on her8 ,my meanest thought is not checked in the utterance1 because her mind is so flexible it stoops to the lowest4 ,i am only afraid of adoring her1 so ,i may as well hold my peace4 ,this was said in earnest1 and is one of many expressions of admiration and affection called out by her departure4 ,of her progress and occupations abroad1 our knowledge is drawn exclusively from her own letters4 ,these1 therefore1 we shall use freely1 leaving them to show their connection as far as they can1 and make their own impression2 begging the reader to remember1 however1 that they were all written in the haste of travelling or the fatigues of watching1 and that their literary merit or public appearance was the last thought to occur to the mind of the writer4 ,she wrote a great deal1 and we confine our selection chiefly to passages relating to personal experience1 rather than descriptions of places or works of art4 ,for these last she allowed herself little time1 though keenly alive to the enjoyment of all grandeur and beauty1 and giving passing indications of her power of appreciating and delineating4 ,arriving in ,liverpool in ,april1 she was made to feel at home immediately1 by the kindness and sympathy of a kindred mind1 in one to whom ,dr4 ,channing had given her a letter1 and whose name and sad fate are familiar to many1--,mrs4 ,freme1 daughter of the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,wells1 who settled in ,brattleboro'1 ,vermont1 where she afterward perished by fire4 ,mary's account of her interview with that excellent woman is characteristic1 as her first interest in a new country4 ,london1 ,april #ai1 #ahbd4 ,in ,liverpool1 ,i went with ,mrs4 ,freme to visit the ,female ,penitentiary1 and took a long walk with her4 ,she had relinquished an engagement out of town to go with me1 and ,i know not that ,i ever felt more grateful to a stranger in my life4 ,she is an uncommonly sensible1 kind woman1 extremely interested in the encouragement of all good works1 a warm ,unitarian1 and a truly liberal1 benevolent ,christian4 ,i never enjoyed any thing in my life more than the conversation ,i had with her4 ,i had begun to feel the want of that free intercourse upon those subjects upon which we can speak only to those who we are sure are equally interested in them2 and in a strange land1 to meet with one who not only entered fully into every thing ,i wished to say1 but carried me on to higher1 more improving and elevated thoughts1 was indeed a privilege4 99 99 99 99 99 ,london1 ,may #f1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,ann3-- ,it was a great deprivation to me to be unable to write at sea4 ,i hoped to have had a large packet for the many kind friends who aided and blessed my departure1 expressing something of the gratitude which overpowered me4 ,i have sometimes feared that you thought me insensible to it all1 for ,i dared not try to utter even a word of what ,i felt lest ,i should lose my self-possession entirely1 and trouble them more than my thanks would please them4 ,god alone knows how fully ,i appreciated it all1 and when ,i look back upon the period which elapsed after my father's death until ,i left you1 ,i know not how to speak my astonishment that such a one as myself should have been so signally favored4 ,for your ,aunt ,nancy ,i can only say her reward must be beyond this world2 nothing that ,i or any one here can do1 is adequate to it4 ,never was a human being so blessed with kind friends1 and could ,i feel that ,i had been as grateful as ,i ought to have been1 ,i should be happy4 ,but the entire absorption of every thought in self1 during the past winter1 is now a subject of much reproach4 ,i had time to think of all this during the long days and wakeful nights on the voyage1 and ,i do assure you ,i took a new view of every thing connected with it4 ,whether it was the absence of every thing else to interest my mind1 or the natural increase of our attachment to all objects when we are going from them1 ,i know not1 but there were moments of acute agony1 when ,i thought of the return ,i had made for the kindness manifested towards me4 ,how often ,i longed to be for a little time on the little stool in the drawing-room1 giving utterance to my spirit6 ,there was so little in the monotony of sea-life to interrupt the train of one's thoughts1 that ,i could not sometimes get rid of an idea which possessed me1 and ,i often woke up1 wearied with the continuation of one and the same dream1 night after night4 ,but ,i did enjoy a great deal at sea1 there was so much to elevate the mind in the very situation2 and the want of confidence which ,i felt from the first evening in the head of the concern tended most powerfully to raise my thoughts above all second causes1 to the ,one ,great ,cause and ,supporter of all things4 ,never did ,i so deeply feel our entire dependence upon the power of ,god1 never did ,i so fully realize the impotence of human skill1 as when ,i saw it contending with the winds2 and yet there was something ennobling in the idea1 that human skill had contrived and taught to guide such a vehicle as a ship upon the trackless waste of waters2 and while we trace all this power to the original source of it1 we cannot but feel that ,he has given to us a noble nature4 ,often when the sea was rising in immense waves on every side1 and the ship tossed about as though it were but a little shell which the waters would soon overwhelm1 have ,i felt as ,i never before did the immense value of that religion which was able to calm all fears1 and raise the mind to a state even of enjoyment1 under such terrific circumstances4 ,what but a firm confidence that1 whether we live or die1 or whatever event befall us1 it is in ,infinite ,wisdom that it is so1 can give this composure8 ,shall we not then hold fast and cherish such a faith8 shall we not seek to understand its nature1 and endeavor with our whole hearts to ingraft its principles upon our characters8 ,tell me as much about ,mr4 ,channing and his sermons as you can4 ,i went to chapel on ,sunday with ,mrs4 ,kinder1 but heard very poor preaching1 to very poor houses4 ,but ,mr4 ,channing told me just what to expect1 therefore ,i was prepared for it4 ,poor as it was1 however1 the delight of finding myself once more in a place of public worship overbalanced all1 and when ,i heard the same tunes sung to the same words which ,i had heard in ,federal ,street1 it was a little more than ,i could bear firmly4 ,i am charmed with the whole ,kinder family2 they are too literary to make me feel able to communicate the least pleasure1 on account of my ignorance upon all literary subjects1 but they are every thing that is kind1 and very agreeable1 and ,i find a good lesson for my humility when ,i am there4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,london1 ,may #bf1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friends3-- ,for the first four weeks ,i resisted all the entreaties of my cousins to go to them1 because ,dr4 ,r---- was so depressed and ill1 and it was so bad for ,mrs4 ,r---- to be left alone4 ,but the third week ,dr4 ,r---- improved very much in health1 and somewhat in spirits4 ,and though he offered me many great inducements to accompany them to ,leamington1 ,i could not think it quite right to do so1 as my society would not be as necessary to them as it had been1 and they were going to a fashionable watering-place4 ,i had seen nothing of my own friends1 and as ,mrs4 ,bates and ,mrs4 ,morton had asked me to stay with them when ,i first arrived1 ,i took the liberty of accepting their invitation for a few days4 ,i believe ,i told you ,i had a kind letter from ,uncle ,ben1 and have since had a visit from his son1 who heard of our arrival1 and came up the next day1 in true ,lovell style1 to take me home with him to ,waltham ,abbey1 near ,enfield4 ,through the kindness of ,mr4 ,kinder's family ,i have had many privileges4 ,by their intercession ,i have been admitted to ,newgate1 and though ,mrs4 ,fry was not there1 ,i was very much gratified4 ,i met with a young ,quakeress1 who was rather handsome1 was very intelligent and kind1 and has been very attentive to me4 ,mrs4 ,fry is too much out of health to go often1 but ,i am to be informed by my little friend when she next goes4 ,walking to ,newington with the ,kinders1 to return a call1 they asked me if ,i would go with them to see ,mrs4 ,barbauld4 ,to be sure1 it made my heart beat1 but ,i could not say no4 ,it was indeed a privilege1 and ,i wish ,i could tell you all about it4 ,she spoke with great feeling of those of our ministers whom she had seen1--,buckminster1 ,thacher1 and ,channing4 ,having never seen ,mr4 ,thacher's sermons1 ,i had the honor of sending them to her1 and of writing her a note4 ,a note to ,mrs4 ,barbauld6 ,what presumption6 ,yet ,i was asked afterward to dine with her4 ,she is remarkably bright for her age1 speaks of death with the firmest hope1 and ,i really felt as if ,i were communing with a spiritual body4 ,though now eighty-two1 she possesses all her faculties in full perfection4 ,her manner is peculiarly gentle1 her voice low1 and very sweet4 ,i went with the ,kinders to see some rich ,quakers1 who are very active in the school concern1 and also to a meeting of the ,british and ,foreign ,school ,society1 where ,i saw the ,duke of ,sussex1 and heard some fine speaking4 ,they go upon the ,lancaster and ,bell system1 and truly wonderful is their success and usefulness4 ,i have heard ,madame ,catalani1 and some of the finest singers1 at a concert at the ,opera ,house1 and was as much amazed as it was possible to be1 notwithstanding all ,i had heard4 ,but some of those with less power pleased me more4 ,no one can equal her1 or be compared with her4 ,braham sung with her1 with a full band1 and her voice was heard above all2 it is tremendous1 for the house is immense1 and she entirely filled it4 ,at a meeting of the ,sons of the ,clergy at ,st4 ,paul's1 ,i heard some very fine sacred music4 ,about thirty little boys sang the high parts1 and chanted the responses4 ,the church was very full4 ,the ,duke of ,clarence1 ,lord ,mayor1 and a goodly company of the dignitaries of the ,church1 filled the seats of honor4 ,nothing could be more solemn than the whole scene1 and when at parts of the service the whole congregation joined in the chant1 the dome rung with the sound1 and one almost looked to see if the statues around were not roused4 ,do you fear that my head is growing giddy1 with all this variety8 ,at present there is no danger4 ,my thoughts turn too often homeward1 to be very much engrossed by any thing here1 and my heart will feel sad when ,i think of the time which must elapse ere ,i see it again4 99 99 99 99 99 ,broadwater1 ,worthing1 ,june #aa1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,on ,saturday1 the #bith1 ,i received a letter from ,dr4 ,r---- saying that ,leamington did not agree with him1 that ,mrs4 ,r---- was quite unwell1 and they begged1 if possible1 that ,i would come to them the next day1 with some plan of proceeding for them1 for he felt wholly unable to decide what to do4 ,after some debate with ,mrs4 ,s---- ,i concluded that it was a duty to give up all my own views1 and do what ,i could for him1 as there was no one else who could assist them in this land of strangers4 ,accordingly ,i wrote him that ,i would join them on ,tuesday1 as it was not in my power to make such an entire change in my arrangements before4 ,i had just prepared on ,monday to start1 when another letter arrived1 saying they should be in ,london at night4 ,we propose going from here to the ,isle of ,wight1 and round to the western part of ,england1 ,bristol1 ,bath1 and ,wales4 ,i hope on the way to have a peep at ,mrs4 ,mc,adam1 who is now at ,plymouth1 for it is rather tantalizing for us to be kept so long separated4 ,i would not have believed that any thing would have kept me so long from my friends after ,i had found myself in ,england4 ,but it is well to be obliged to control our selfishness in ,england1 as elsewhere4 ,the little ,i have seen of my relations has only increased my desire to know them and be loved by them4 ,my reception at ,uncle ,ben's was more like that which ,i hope to have at home1 than any thing ,i could have expected in this strange land4 ,he is a warm-hearted old man1 with all the best of the ,lovell feelings in full vigor4 ,he was very much attached to my mother1 and retains a stronger interest in his ,transatlantic relations than ,i could have thought possible after an absence of fifty years4 ,he was very much overcome at seeing me1 and wept over me like a child4 ,they demand three months1 at least1 from me1 but ,i am afraid ,i shall not have half that time for them4 ,you don't know how delightful it was to be among people who seemed so like my own home friends4 99 99 99 99 99 ,broadwater1 ,june #aa1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,ann3-- ,you have been sorely afflicted indeed1 doubtless for some good purpose4 ,i am rejoiced to find by your letter that you are disposed to view it so1 and improve by the chastisement4 ,i hope it will lead the way to a more free communication with our good minister4 ,it is a great privilege1 and one which ought to be improved4 ,i have learned since ,i have been here to estimate our advantages in this and all other religious affairs1 as ,i could never have done at home4 ,in ,london1 it seems to me that there is no more connection between minister and people1 in the ,established ,church1 than if they had no influence whatever to exercise2 and among the ,dissenters ,i have met with1 the case is not much better4 ,they are so scattered1 and wander about so much1 that it is difficult to have much intercourse1 or keep up much interest among them4444 ,i have heard but one sermon since ,i have been in this country which made the least impression upon my mind1 and that was from one from whom ,i expected nothing that would satisfy me4 ,this was ,mr4 ,irving1 whom ,mr4 ,channing mentioned as the popular favorite in ,london4 ,he is a most singular-looking ,scotchman1 a pupil of ,dr4 ,chalmers1 and now so much the fashion1 that tickets of admission are sold1 to enable those who wish to hear him to go in before the hour when the doors are thrown open4 ,even in this way it is like the theatre of a ,kean night1 and for two hours before the service commences the crowd is immense4 ,his manner is very like ,kean's1 most impassioned1 and when he commenced ,i turned from him in disgust4 ,but there was that in the subject and substance of the sermon which made me forget the manner in which it was delivered4 ,it was1 ,i understood1 one of the least flowery of his productions4 ,i shall never forget it1 ,i think2 but ,i would not be obliged to go to such a place for the best sermons that ever were written4 ,it was just like the theatre or some great exhibition4 ,you cannot think how ,i long1 when the ,sabbath comes round1 to have an ear in ,federal ,street4 ,i find1 as ,mr4 ,channing warned me1 that travelling is a sad enemy to the cultivation of religious knowledge and improvement2 it does so derange the regularity of one's habits of thinking and acting4 ,the day is too confused1 and the nights too wearied4 ,but there is much in the experience of every day to excite a strong sense of gratitude to that ,providence whose care is extended over us in all places2 in the consciousness which we must have1 even when the idea of separation from those we love presses most heavily upon us1 that there is ,one1 ever present1 whose love for us is infinite4 ,yet it is not of feelings that ,i ought to speak2 ,i could fill volumes with the variety of thoughts which every day suggests1 but ,i am learning to do without the communication of them4 ,from ,broadwater the party of four went to the ,isle of ,wight1 and made the usual circuit1 in their little open carriage1 through that charming region1 with nothing wanting but health1 and with that deficiency all was a blank4 ,dr4 ,r---- was too unwell to enjoy any thing1 and ,mary herself1 for a wonder1 speaks of suffering from a cough which she had had a month4 ,but it did not prevent her from making what she calls a break-neck excursion up a precipice of about four hundred feet1 at the southern part of the island4 ,of the country she gives a glowing description1 for which we have not room4 ,on leaving the island1 ,dr4 ,r---- found it necessary to return to ,broadwater for medical advice1 and ,mary1 who had arranged to meet some of her relations at ,plymouth at this time1 readily1 though not without regret1 gave up her own plans1 and went back with the family to ,broadwater4 ,the place had little interest for her1 and she writes of useless idleness as a new thing to her1 and uncomfortable4 ,but others did not think her presence useless1 nor did she fail to find employment4 ,from the wife of the clergyman1 who had lately established schools in the parish on a new plan1 she learned a good deal of the national system of education4 ,after a short time1 ,dr4 ,r---- determined to go to ,paris1 and she accompanied him4 ,but of ,paris itself she saw very little1 being chiefly devoted to the care of her friend4 ,and except for him1 she had no wish to be there4 ,it may seem strange1 she writes1 that ,i should not wish to see ,paris1 but the pleasure of every thing depends upon the circumstances which immediately surround us4 ,yet ,i am very glad ,i came1 for1 though ,i cannot be of much use1 any one is better than none4 ,their stay in ,paris was short4 ,in view of all considerations1 ,dr4 ,r---- found it best to return at once to ,america1 and sailed that same month from ,havre1 ,mary remaining to make her visit to her friends in ,england4 ,her next letters are from ,chatham4 ,chatham1 ,september #g1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,ann3-- ,you may easily suppose that my sensations at leaving ,havre were not the most cheering4 ,i knew that ,i could have been of but little comfort to our friends on the voyage1 but ,i could not help wishing that it had been so ordered that ,i might have returned with them4 ,there was something1 too1 so very lonely in the idea of being left in a strange land1 with no chance of escape for a certain length of time1 even if my friends should take it into their heads to dislike me2 and worse than all1 under my own sole direction1 to govern myself and my actions only by my own judgment4 ,indeed1 ,i did feel as though ,i should almost shrink from the effort it required2 but this did not trouble me long4 ,i thought of the mercies of my past life1 the great goodness and preserving care which had hitherto upheld me in many times of danger and difficulty4 ,the night was a most beautiful one1 and the very motion of the little vessel recalled so much which had once given me support under similar circumstances1 that my mind seemed to acquire a degree of calmness and firmness which was almost sublime4 ,for this ,i have great cause of gratitude2 it was the gift of a ,power mightier than ,i1 and prepared me for the coming danger4 ,we were two nights and a day crossing to ,southampton1 about twice the usual length of the passage1 the greater part of the time in a violent storm and most dangerous situation4 ,i suffered more from sickness than in crossing the ,atlantic1 but met with very great attention from the ladies who were in the same state-room1 and much entertainment beside2 but ,i never was more rejoiced than when ,i found myself in a clean bed on terra firma1 upon the second morning4 ,my first attempt at journeying alone was a very encouraging one4 ,a good old clergyman was my companion1 and after three weeks in ,france1 ,i assure you1 ,i enjoyed any thing like serious conversation2 though he happened to be a ,methodist1 he was a rational and learned one1 and ,i believe ,i learned much that was useful from him4 ,i had apprised my good cousin of my intended descent upon her family1 and was received with open arms and much kind greeting by all her flock4 ,here ,i am1 then1 at last1 and ,i know you are impatient to know all about them1 and the place in which they live4 ,mrs4 ,s---- is in appearance but the shadow of what she was when her picture was taken4 ,trouble and age have made her thin and pale4 ,but the perfect symmetry of her pretty little figure1 and the brightness of her still beautiful eyes1 enable one to see in her the remains of one of nature's fairest works4 ,her naturally good spirits are almost wholly subdued by the trials and perplexities which have followed her in constant succession for many years1 and ill health and an anxious mind have created a disposition to despondency which even her piety cannot at all times overcome4 ,this has unfitted her for great exertion1 and1 not possessing much natural force of character1 it is impossible for her to make much effort even for herself4 ,she is all gentleness1 and full of affectionate feeling1 and ,i often think1 in looking at her in her happiest moments1 that she would be a good personification of ,shakspeare's ,patience smiling at ,grief4 ,her situation here is that of matron to the hospital1 but it is almost a nominal office1 a perfect sinecure1 for she has scarcely any duty1 and a comfortable income4 ,she is now peculiarly tried1 and seems to consider it an especial mercy that she has one to whom she can turn in her loneliness with something like a claim for sympathy4 444 ,there is a small ,unitarian chapel here1 and cousin ,n---- will say1 ',why do you not go to that8' ,merely because ,i found out but yesterday that there was such an one2 hearing a lady say1 ',we ought to tolerate all denominations but those dangerous enemies to religion1 the ,unitarians1--,i cannot pass their chapel without shuddering1'--next ,sunday ,i shall endeavor to ascertain the grounds of this pious hatred4 ,but in truth1 if ,i had not learned liberality before1 ,i have had experience enough to teach it to me since ,i have been in this country1 ,i have met with so many good ,christians1 of such a variety of sects2 and found that the bond of union created by a mutual desire to aid in the cause of benevolence was sufficient to excite interest1 without any regard to different creeds or doctrinal points4 ,i am constantly hearing now from all my little circle of relations1 who seem determined to prevent my feeling alone1 if their attentions can prevent it4 ,do not suspect me of vanity in mentioning all these attentions2 this is not the case1 for the effect is rather humbling1 and ,i fear when they know me better they will find a poor return for it all2 but ,i do feel such gratitude for so many unlooked for1 undeserved blessings1 that ,i want you all to know it1 that you too may unite with me in thanksgiving to ,god for his watchful care of me1 a solitary orphan in a foreign land4 99 99 99 99 99 ,september #ad4 ,the day after ,i wrote the above1 ,i received a letter from ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,c----1 then at ,ramsgate1 a town upon the eastern shore of ,kent1 saying that they were making a short tour1 and had intended coming to ,chatham to see me on their way home1 but thinking ,i might like to see ,dover and its castle1 proposed that ,i should join them there1 and pass a few days with them4 ,so1 without hesitation1 ,i got into one of the many coaches which daily pass through ,chatham1 and in six hours was with them4 ,the ride was delightful1 through a richly wooded and highly cultivated country1 the fine old city of ,canterbury1 and a number of pretty towns4 ,my companions in the coach were very genteel1 intelligent people1 and ,i was quite pleased with finding that it was a very customary thing for a lady to travel inside a coach without escort2 ,i wished it were equally so to travel outside1 ,i do so much prefer to see all ,i can4 ,this was on ,thursday last1 the #ith1 and ,i remained with them until to-day1 receiving every attention and kindness from them1 and much satisfaction from seeing the place4444 ,i returned here to-day4 ,my cousin was to have met me at ,canterbury1 but was prevented by the weather4 ,i rode the greater part of the way alone1 inside1 though the outside was full2 and you may tell ,mary that my thoughts were often turned to her2 for a guideboard with the name of ',milton' upon it reminded me of my shameful neglect of our sweet tune of that name4 ,i had not once sung it since ,i left her1 and found full employment for some miles in trying to bring it to mind2 and it was not until after recalling her looks and voice1 and beating three strokes in a bar1 over and over again1 to try the power of association1 that ,i could bring it to my recollection4 ,but ,i sung it enough1 when ,i did get it1 to make up for all past deficiencies4 ,it carried me back to last winter1 and all your happy family1 so fully1 that my empty coach was soon peopled1 and ,i had as pleasant a ride as need be4 ,i had the gratification of seeing the famous actress1 ,mrs4 ,siddons1 at ,dover1--a rare sight indeed2 she is a wonderfully handsome woman for her age1 living in elegant retirement1 in handsome style4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,chatham1 ,october #d1 #ahbd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,i am delighted that ,mr4 ,gannett pleases you all1 and to hear such good accounts of ,mr4 ,channing4 ,the very idea of a letter from him was almost too much for my poor brain2 the reality would overpower me1 ,i believe4 ,i greatly fear1 unless the spring should bring me some kind ,american friend with whom ,i can travel1 that ,i shall see little more of ,england4 ,but ,i will be satisfied1 at any rate1 if ,i can but find the means of seeing my poor aunt ,s----4 ,the return of this season brings so forcibly to my mind the recollection of the trying events of which it is the anniversary1 that ,i find it difficult to prevent myself from dwelling too much upon it4 ,i would not lose the remembrance of it1 for every hour of that time was filled with valuable experience of the goodness and loving-kindness of my ,heavenly ,father4 ,i love to dwell upon it1 and recall every act of the many friends who then surrounded me with renewed feelings of gratitude towards them4 ,may ,i yet be enabled to prove in my actions what ,i cannot express in words4 ,,mary4 ,mary ,pickard is now among her kindred1 those relatives of her father whom she had so long desired to know1 and whom she hoped in some way to benefit4 ,for her idea of conferring benefits was never defined by the thought of wealth1 or excluded by the want of it4 ,that she gave most liberally1 according to her means1 at this very time1 we learn from others2 her letters would never suggest it4 ,in other and better ways1 by most unexpected opportunities1 did she render service to many before she left ,england1 where her stay was greatly prolonged beyond the first intention1 for this very purpose4 ,for ten weeks she remained in ,chatham2 and though she does not say it1 we infer from other intimations that much of that time was occupied with the care of the sick1 or in relieving some kind of trouble4 ,it is in reference to ,chatham that she says1 ,i am fated to find trouble wherever ,i go1--which is true of all who are willing to take trouble1 that they may relieve others4 ,from ,chatham ,mary went to ,waltham ,abbey1 and passed three weeks with the son of the only surviving brother of ,james ,lovell4 ,and in ,december1 unwilling to be detained longer from the cousin to whom she designed to make one of her chief visits in ,england1 and finding that sickness in the family prevented any one from coming for her1 she took the coach alone1 leaving ,london before daylight and riding to ,salisbury1 where some of her friends met her1 and conducted her to their home at ,burcombe ,house1 in that vicinity4 ,and there she spent the next three or four months1 in a way that her letters will best tell4 ,these letters we give as we find them1 without excluding the personal allusions and occasional descriptions of character2 since it is in just such descriptions1 natural and easy1 that we best read the mind of the writer and of those whom she portrays1 as well as the features and ways of a common ,english household4 ,and should these letters chance to fall under the eye of any to whom they allude1 if any still survive1 we trust they will pardon a liberty which exposes nothing that is not to their honor4 ,burcombe ,house1 ,december #h1 #ahbd4 ,congratulate me1 my good friends1 that ,i am at last under this roof1 and have seen cousin ,jane and all her dear family4 ,i left ,london at five o'clock on ,saturday1 the #dth1 and ,i found myself at ,salisbury at three o'clock1 not at all fatigued4 ,cousin ,jane and her son came to meet me2 but as their carriage was from home1 they were in an open gig1 and we thought it expedient to take a postchaise1 as ,burcombe is five miles from the town4 ,but before ,i proceed to the events of my ride1 ,i must tell you something of my cousin1 as ,i know you are wishing to hear how she received me4 ,our meeting was just what you could easily imagine it would be1 knowing her to be a person of ardent feelings1 strongly attached to her dear uncle1 and consequently determined to love his daughter1 let her be what she might2 and after the frequent disappointments we have had1 with regard to meeting1 we both had an almost superstitious fear that something might yet happen to separate us4 ,but we were at last together1 and1 if it took us both some time to realize it1 we were not the less rejoiced to find it true4 ,she has suffered much1 and it has subdued her mind and spirits1 and softened her manners4 ,she is certainly one of the most entertaining women ,i ever saw1 and one of the most interesting4 ,she has strong powers of mind1 and of course strong passions1 warm-hearted1 enthusiastic1 prone to extremes1 almost without restraint in youth1 and the sport of adverse circumstances through life1 ignorant of the only sure ,guide to direct and guard the soul under the temptations to which such trials subject it4 ,imagine1 then1 what such a mind must be when brought by suffering to a deep sense of religious obligation1 turning all its energies to the accomplishment of good to others and the subjection of self1 not content with feeling until every feeling leads to active exertion1--and you have my dear cousin before you4 ,you will not be surprised that ,i should already dearly love her1 and feel that it was worth coming so far to know and give her pleasure4 ,her mind is just in that state which requires free discussion upon subjects of faith and practice1 and shut out as she is here from society1 and almost wholly without ministerial instruction1 she suffers from the want of a companion who feels a like interest in the matter4 ,how often do ,i wish for her the same privileges which ,i have had in ,mr4 ,channing1 or that you1 my dear cousin1 could step in and pour forth a little from your fund of knowledge4 ,but ,i have digressed vastly from my tale4 ,to return to the inn at ,salisbury4 ,we soon seated ourselves in a chaise1 trunks1 boxes1 and all1 and were driving on at a furious rate towards ,burcombe ,house1 when1 lo6 in a quiet lane1 a mile at least from any houses1 the axle of the front wheels gave way2 off went one wheel1 and down went we1 just at dark1 and the rain falling in torrents4 ,we soon found it was only a subject for laughter2 we had but one resource1 which was to send the postboy back to ,salisbury for another coach1 and to sit quietly in the broken one until he returned4 ,we had not1 however1 sat long1 before ,lord ,pembroke's carriage came to our relief2 it had passed us full at the commencement of our disaster1 and was sent back to take us home1 or to ,wilton ,house4 ,as we did not like to take all the baggage with us1 we left it in the care of a servant1 and1 glad to get out of the cold1 we proceeded to my ,lord's house4 ,i could not but be amused1 that my first introduction to this region should be to ,wilton ,house1 in an ,earl's carriage4 ,i was not sorry to have an opportunity of seeing a place of which ,i have heard so much1 and should have been quite pleased to have seen the great folks themselves2 but they chanced to be dressing for dinner1 and as our chaise soon came up for us1 ,i had but little time to survey the place4 ,the house is filled with pictures1 statues1 and ancient armor4 ,i hope to have an opportunity of seeing it more leisurely4 ,this whole family gave me a most hearty welcome1 and ,i found that it would be my own fault if ,i was not loved by them1 and happy with them4 ,jane has1 indeed1 a remarkably fine family1 of steady principles and habits1 and sufficiently accomplished to be agreeable and well fitted for society4 ,this is a very retired spot1 and except a call from ,lord and ,lady ,pembroke when they are in the neighborhood1 or a visit from some travelling acquaintance1 scarcely any one enters the house except the family4 444 ,the state of the poor in this country is so very different from any thing we see at home1 that ,i can scarcely give you any idea of the striking difference everywhere observable in their manners and habits4 ,the immense sum which is collected for their support1 under the form of poor rates1 must lessen their exertion for themselves1 and the very dependence which is thus created makes them servile4 ,some great man owns the village and lands about it1 his steward lets them to farmers1 and of course it depends upon sundry contingencies whether they retain possession even during life2 and how can they feel as much interest as if it were their own freehold1 and they knew their children would reap the benefit of their improvements upon it8 99 99 99 99 99 ,burcombe ,house1 ,december #ca1 #ahbd1 ,half past ,eleven4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,this hour has for so many years found me at my desk pouring forth to you1 that1 although in a new hemisphere and under new influences1 ,i instinctively turn to the pen and ink1 with a feeling that something remains to be done before the old year can be allowed to take its departure4 ,i am not1 as ,i was wont to be1 seated quietly alone by my 'ain fireside1' cogitating upon the past1 and1 for the only time in the twelve months1 daring to look forward and hope for the future4 ,it is the custom here for all the family to sit out the old year1 and ,i am in the parlor1 surrounded by the whole tribe4 ,on one side is my cousin's eldest daughter1 playing ',god save the ,king' as if all possibility of ever doing it again was going with the year2 on the other1 an animated ,miss ,c----1 acting the old-maid aunt1 giving her nephews and nieces sage advice upon the occasion1 who are all laughing most heartily4 ,in fact1 the whole house is in a bustle2 so you need not expect a very connected epistle1 as ,i am obliged to turn to one or the other1 every other word1 to join in the merriment4 ,the changes which the past year has made in my life are so amazing1 when ,i view them in a body1 that ,i cannot but be astonished that we should ever attempt to look forward with any thing like calculation or plan4 ,you can easily conceive that the contrast between this night and its past anniversary is enough to excite the few nerves ,i have2 and you will not at all wonder1 that1 whatever attractions there may be around me1 thought will wander back to home and its interests1 and it requires some effort to restrain my impatience to be again restored to them1 that ,i may make up1 if possible1 for my abuse of some of them4 ,yet do not imagine me discontented or homesick2 ,i am not in the least1 for every hour's experience makes me rejoice that ,i am here2 and1 if kindness and attention could make up for old acquaintance1 ,i could be as contented to pass my life here as anywhere4 ,i would not return without seeing and doing all that may be in my power2 but that ,i do look forward with a feeling of desire1 such as ,i never knew before1 to the period when1 all this being accomplished1 ,i shall find myself again at home1 it would be folly to deny4 ,but this is just what ,i expected to feel1 and of course was prepared for with some degree of firmness2 and when thus prepared1 it is astonishing how indifferently we go through with what1 under any other circumstances1 would destroy one's self-possession entirely4 ,the greatest evil ,i find in this state of constant preparation for enduring is1 that ,i am getting into a quiescent state of inaction2 not being quite enough at ease to exert my own powers freely1 ,i am losing that activity of mind which ,i rather hoped to increase4 ,but ,i have long since learned that youthful habits are not easily displaced1 and ,i am sure now that ,i never shall learn to be loquacious4 ,you know how much ,i felt the inconvenience of my silent habits at home1 and will readily believe that ,i must suffer still more among strangers1 with whom agreeability is a necessary passport4 ,it is so long since ,i have written you1 that ,i scarcely know where to take up the thread of my discourse4 ,i was then1 ,i believe1 at ,dover1 and you probably have learned from my letters to ,boston how much ,i found to please me in my cousin's family at ,chatham4 ,it was my good fortune to have it in my power to be of some service to them1 and ,i assure you ,i was most thankful for any opportunity of redeeming my time from entire uselessness4 ,i am fated to find trouble wherever ,i go1 and ought to be truly grateful when it is such as ,i can relieve4 ,i staid ten weeks at ,chatham1 and went then to ,waltham ,abbey1 about sixteen miles from ,london1 and spent three weeks with ,george ,lovell and his most lovely wife4 ,he is the son of the only remaining brother of my grandfather1 with all the warmth and generosity which characterized the family in ,america4 ,he unites good judgment and firm principles1 an uncommon versatility of talent1 and consequent power of pleasing4 ,i came here upon the #dth of ,december2 and if ,i have ever told you enough of cousin ,jane and her concerns to give you any idea of the strong interest ,i have always felt in her1 you will fully understand how intense was the excitement of my mind when ,i found myself at last approaching her mansion4 ,she had been the greatest attraction to me on this side of the water1 indeed the principal object of my visit2 the constant impediments which had prevented our meeting during the past summer of course increased our interest and impatience about it1 and ,i can scarcely tell whether pain or pleasure predominated when ,i felt that the crisis was near which would decide how far it was well that ,i had come4444 ,she has had a life of trial1 and being without that only comforter under suffering which can teach us to submit patiently to it1 the effect has been unhappy4 ,and now that she is just awaking from her dream of darkness1 you can easily conceive that the effect of the bright sunshine which is breaking upon her mind should be most powerful1 and apt to carry such a mind to the extreme of enthusiasm4 ,she has but few connections1 and almost idolized my father as the guardian of her youth1 and therefore inclined to extend to his child all the strong affection she felt for him1 so that her delight at seeing me was little short of mine to be with her4 ,here1 then1 ,i am enjoying much with her and her family4 ,the house itself is one of those ancient stone edifices which abound in all parts of the kingdom1 in connection with the houses of the great2 probably built for some younger and less affluent branches of the family4 ,the grounds are laid out with taste1 and the lawn behind it has not probably been disturbed since the house was built1 and is covered with a turf which might rival velvet in beauty4 ,the fir-trees1 elms1 and walnuts which surround it1 and the yew hedge which divides the garden from it1 all speak its antiquity and add to its loveliness4 ,we have no neighbors2 but the occasional visits of the different branches of the family give us some variety4 99 99 99 99 99 ,burcombe ,house1 ,january #a1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3-- ,a happy new year to you1 and all the good people at ,marlborough ,house1 ,south ,street1 ,newton1 and ,canton6 ,although ,i cannot have the pleasure1 as ,i had at this time last year1 of waking you out of a sound sleep upon the occasion1 ,i have taken the liberty of thinking of you almost all the night1 and wishing you in my heart all possible blessings during the year upon which we have entered4 ,i do not dare to look forward1 but ,i cannot help hoping that it may witness my return to you1 to find you in the enjoyment of all that is worth possessing in life4 ,it is the custom here to sit out the old year1 and as we were expecting ,mr4 ,mc,adam and ,william home last night1 we determined to sit up for them4 ,they did not arrive until nearly five this morning1 so that ,i had time enough to reflect upon the past and hope for the future2 and every thought and action of the last anniversary were lived over again in full reality4 ,i only wanted liberty to pour forth to some one1 to be a most eloquent egotist2 but as it was1 ,i just thought on quietly to 'my ain sel1' and enjoyed what was going on around me as well as ,i could4 ,our only neighbor is the farmer's wife1 a most excellent woman of sixty1 one of the old primitive people of the country1 of good sense and sound judgment1 just such a body as cousin ,n---- would delight in4 ,her husband is the church-warden1 overseer of the poor1 and indeed the principal man in all parish concerns2 and their goodness to the cottagers makes them beloved by all4 ,you may imagine ,mrs4 ,l---- as about dear aunty's size1 of pale complexion like her1 white hair1 just parted under a neat white cap1 always surmounted with a neat black-satin bonnet1 stuff gown1 made as grandma used to wear hers1 with a plain double muslin neckerchief within and a black or calico shawl outside1 and a full linen apron1 as white as the snow itself4 ,her face is all benevolence1 and her voice1 even with the broad provincial pronunciation of the country1 sweet and musical4 ,they have a large family of sons and daughters2 one of the former1 a very interesting young man1 is now going in a consumption4 ,it is the best specimen of an ,english farmer's family that ,i have yet seen4 ,i went on ,christmas day to the ,cathedral at ,salisbury4 ,it is a very fine building1 and the part appropriated to the services of the church is fitted up in a much better style than any thing ,i have seen1 being of black oak1 and in unison with the style of the building4 ,the organ is a remarkably fine one1 and ,i think ,i never felt music more powerful than the first symphony1 played as the bishop and clergymen entered4 ,it was at first so soft1 that in that immense building it seemed rather as if it were the sound of the air itself than any earthly creation2 and as the tones swelled1 the very building trembled1 and one involuntarily held the breath with awe4 99 99 99 99 99 ,burcombe ,house1 ,february #bd1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,the winter months have passed very quickly1 and1 as spring approaches1 ,i begin to look forward with much anxiety to the period when1 having completed all for which ,i came1 ,i may prepare to return to my beloved home1 and join again the many dear friends ,i may find there4 ,i thank ,god that he has been pleased to spare so many of them for such a length of time1 for it is remarkable that among so large a circle there should have been so few changes in ten long months4 ,you cannot conceive of the gratitude which ,i feel whenever ,i hear from you1 for you know not the anxiety which the consciousness of being at such a distance inevitably excites4 ,i know not why it is1 for were ,i ever so near1 ,i could do nothing to save even one of the least of them all2 but so it is1 and it is a greater exercise of reliance and trust than ,i could have ever known1 had ,i not left you4 ,i try to look forward without fear1 and ,i never doubt that1 whatever trials may be in store for me1 it will be in mercy that they will come1 and ,i will be patient and submissive4 ,with regard to the probable time of my return1 it is impossible for me to speak with any certainty4 ,the first four months that ,i was in ,england were lost1 so far as the accomplishment of the immediate object for which ,i came was concerned2 and it retarded my progress more than that time1 as it is impossible to do as much in winter as might be done in half the time in summer4 ,i do not speak of this as regretting it1 for ,i have no doubt that it was for some good object that ,i was so employed2 and ,i saw much which ,i should not have otherwise seen at all4 ,but it makes it necessary that ,i should prolong my stay here1 in order to do even what ,i calculated upon when ,i named a year for the probable limit of my absence4 ,in addition to this1 many objects of interest have been presented to me of which ,i knew nothing1 and peculiar circumstances have occurred since ,i have been here to make me desirous of remaining longer than ,i had anticipated4 ,for ,i consider myself a sort of isolated1 unconnected being1 who1 having no immediate duties in life1 is bound to improve all opportunities of usefulness which may offer themselves4 ,in ,april ,mary received the welcome intelligence that her very dear friend1 ,e4 ,p4 ,f41 from ,america1 had arrived in ,liverpool4 ,being at this time at ,ash1 ,surrey1 the residence of her father's uncle1 she immediately arranged to meet ,e---- in ,london1 making1 as she says1 a desperate effort to break away from her friends at ,burcombe ,house1 to whom she had become so strongly attached as to make it no easy matter1 as we may believe there was some attachment on the other side also4 ,again and again was she constrained to alter her plans and defer her purpose of returning1 by the entreaties of those whom she wished to gratify1 and who urged upon her1 when other arguments failed1 one that was unanswerable2 namely1 that she had no duty to call her home4 ,with sadness did she admit it1 and nobly too4 ,i feel that ,i have many ties which have to me the force of duties1 in drawing me back2 but ,i cannot forget that ,i am indeed without bond of any kind in life which can be called peculiar duty4 ,the two friends met in ,london1 and1 after a few days of delightful interview1 ,mary was called to ,sydenham1 where are dated two letters1 from which we take portions1 referring to widely different subjects and scenes4 ,sydenham1 ,june1 #ahbe4 ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,it is so evident1 from many circumstances of which you must be fully sensible1 that this is an appointment by that ,providence who guides even the sparrows in their course1 that you have only to seek to fulfil its duties to the best of your powers1 and humbly leave the event in ,his hands without whose blessing the best endeavors of the mightiest must be ineffectual4 ,do not be thinking how much more this or that one might have done2 we should do what we can for the sake of obeying ,god1 not for our pleasure2 and acting from this motive1 we may learn to be 'willing even to be useless1' if it be ,his will4 ,this may seem more than the ,gospel requires1 but ,i believe1 if we knew ourselves thoroughly1 we should ever be suspicious of all feelings which led to personal comparisons4 ,we should1 as you say1 be thankful for the one talent1 not dissatisfied that we have not the many1 knowing that we may please ,god1 and accomplish the end of our being in the one case as well as in the other4 ,and as it regards the good we may do1 do we not often see ,him using feeble means to effect great ends8 ,at all events1 it is our duty to be satisfied with what ,he has thought sufficient for us4 ,but you need no urging to induce you to do your utmost2 the only difficulty is1 to know in what manner it is to be done4 99 99 99 99 99 ,sydenham1 ,june #i1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3-- ,i made a call with some friends one day upon the clergyman's lady1 when our names were carried along by a row of livery servants1 each one sounding it louder and louder1 until it was announced by my lady's own servant at the door of the drawing-room1 in a voice that made me start at the fellow's impudence in speaking so loud to his mistress2 but ,i found that the poor lady was very deaf1 yet a good1 easy1 old-fashioned body1 as sociable and kind as need be4 ,my risibles unfortunately took alarm at the similarity of this train of servants to a line at a fire handing buckets1 and ,i had much ado to look indifferent and dignified1 as if ,i were used to it2 but ,i had my laugh out when ,i got into the room1 for the good-natured body soon gave me a pretence for it by her whimsical stories4 ,i went to ,st4 ,paul's last week to see the annual gathering of the parochial schools and ,i could not have conceived any thing so striking as the sight was4 ,that part of the church which is fitted up for service is not used1 but temporary seats are erected for the children under the great dome1 and the spectators sit in the body of the church1 quite down to the western door4 ,the children1 about eight thousand1 all clothed in the uniform of their several schools1 are arranged one row above another to the number of sixteen1 and to the height of at least fifty feet1 within the pillars of the dome and on each side of the aisles4 ,the appearance of the children was most deeply affecting2 all between seven and fourteen1 not half of what belonged to the schools1 for want of room2 all clothed and educated by charity2 taken1 for the most part1 from the poorest classes1 and perhaps saved from destruction2 it was a delightful sight for a ,christian1 a striking testimony to the power of religion4 ,they were directed by the motions of one man and it seemed as if one impulse moved the whole1 so perfectly did they keep time together4 ,and when at last all were assembled1 and the solemn silence was suddenly broken by one swell of their united voices in a hymn of thanksgiving1 ,i think the most insensible there must have been melted2 the sound filled the whole of that vast building1 and reverberated again and again along its aisles4 ,the morning service was performed by the clergyman1 choristers1 and children2 the minister's voice was almost powerless in that vast place1 and the organ1 and voices of the singers1 sixteen in number1 could scarcely be heard at the end of the aisle2 the children only could fill the space1 and as they occasionally burst out in different parts1 the effect was wonderfully fine4 ,at this point1 ,mary received a cordial invitation from a party of ,american friends1 to go with them to ,scotland4 ,it was an opportunity which she hardly expected1 but most earnestly desired2 not only for its own sake1 but as facilitating a cherished purpose of visiting her father's only sister in the ,north of ,england1--a visit of which she thought more than any other1 and which was to prove more important than any other1 though in a way which she could little anticipate4 ,the journey thither1 which was almost her only pure recreation1 and was shared with a friend of all others desirable1 was a high enjoyment2 and her unstudied account of it1 written from ,chester and ,gretna ,green1 we give at length1 as we have allowed but little room to this kind of description4 ,we claim for it no distinction1 except that of naturalness and ease4 ,chester1 ,july #bb1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,from sundry letters from ,emma and myself1 which will1 ,i trust1 have reached you long before this does1 you will be able to guess how ,i have found my way to this place2 but ,i am very glad that ,i have time and opportunity to tell you1 not only how1 but why1 ,i am here4 ,i wrote to ,ann the last of ,june1 mentioning ,mr4 ,perkins's kind proposition1 that ,i should join his party and go with them to ,scotland4 ,i received your delightful letter the day after1 and1 ,i assure you1 the encouragement you gave me to see and do all ,i could1 with the promise of the approbation of those kind friends whose wishes it is my greatest desire to fulfil1 did not a little in deciding me to use the means placed within my power of acquiring the information1 which ,i probably should never again have an opportunity of getting4 ,i try to be satisfied in having done what appeared best1 by the thought that it is my duty to improve all the means of doing good which may fall in my way4 ,but ,i do not like to think that any thing is to keep me from you much longer4 ,i had made up my mind when ,i came1 to go on bravely to the end1 let it take what time it might1 but my hope was that a year would be sufficient1 and ,i still hope that it will2 yet ,i know you would not think me right to leave my work half finished1 for any childish weakness1 or homesick feeling4 ,be assured that ,i am as industrious as ,i can be1 for my stimulant to exertion is a most powerful one1 that of being again united to the beloved friends which that blessed spot1 home1 contains4 ,we have had a most delightful tour so far1 and ,i daily feel that ,i am a highly favored mortal1 to have such an opportunity of witnessing the wonders of this goodly world2 and ,i cannot but be grieved that ,i can make so little use of such a privilege4 ,we left ,bath upon the #ith1 and have since passed through ,south and ,north ,wales1 and to-day took leave of the interesting scenery and people we found there1 with much regret4 ,at ,chepstow we passed a day1 seeing the ruins of its old castle1 upon some sublime rocks on the banks of the river ,wye1 and walking through the grounds of ,piercefield1 a gentleman's seat in the neighborhood1 finely situated upon the rocky1 yet thickly wooded heights1 which border the river for a long distance from its mouth4 ,on our ride from ,chepstow to ,hereford1 we stopped to see the ruins of ,tintern ,abbey and ,ragland ,castle1 both very famous1 and ,i should think as fine as it was possible any thing of the kind could be4 ,of the former1 the walls and pillars of the church are nearly all that remain1 but they are so perfect as to give one an exact idea of the beauty which it once possessed1 built in the purest ,gothic style1 in the bottom of a quiet1 beautiful valley1 watered by the ,wye1 and protected on all sides by rocks and hills1 which seem to defy any power that should dare to approach4 ,but the hand of ,time has worked silently and effectually1 and what was once a most noble temple is now but a tumbling ruin1 sublime1 indeed1 even in its decay1 covered almost with ivy1 and shaded from within by trees which have grown upon the very spots consecrated to the prayers and confessions of its former possessors4 ,its situation1 and the peculiar lightness and beauty of its architecture1 have made it very much talked of by travellers2 but all my expectations were fully answered1 although they were very great4 ,after riding all day over hill and dale1 with only the sheep for our companions1 we came at once upon one of the most romantic scenes imaginable2 the singular pass called the ,devil's ,bridge1 a stone structure thrown over a chasm in the rocks of one hundred and fifty feet depth1 through the bottom of which runs a very rapid stream1 dashing over rocks which at some seasons must make quite a grand cataract2 but at this time the water is low4 ,the banks are thickly wooded1 even to the edge of the water1 and altogether it is very attractive4 ,at ,a---- we passed a night1 and came through much glorious scenery to ,dalgelly1 where we performed the mighty feat of mounting ,cader ,idris1 the highest mountain in ,wales1 except ,snowdon1 and two thousand eight hundred feet from the point we left in the plain below4 ,imagine me mounted on horse back1 for the first time in my life1 for such a perilous undertaking1 fortunately without any fear1 and much amused by the novelty of the situation4 ,the day happened to be very hot1 but the atmosphere was clear2 and we should have been amply repaid for tenfold the fatigue we endured1 by the grand scene we beheld from the summit4 ,never having before been on a great elevation1 ,i knew not what to expect2 and if the sensations were not just what ,i had supposed1 they were sufficiently solemn to make me sensible that it was 'good to be there4' ,a birdseye view of a circuit of five hundred miles could not fail to fill one with an idea of the power and majesty of ,him who formed these wondrous glories1 such as no common scenes could ever have inspired4 ,i think ,i shall never look back upon that hour without recalling emotions which should make one better for ever4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gretna ,green1 ,july #cj1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3-- ,my last1 ,i think1 was from ,lancaster1 just as we were about commencing our journey among the beautiful lakes of ,cumberland and ,westmoreland4 ,we crossed what are called the ,ulverstone and ,lancaster ,sands to ,ulverstone4 ,the shore is very hard at this place1 and when the tide is down the ride is perfectly safe and free from water1 except in the centre1 where a river passes through4 ,at this place is always found a guide1 who conducts the carriage through the ford4 ,i confess ,i did not much like the sensation1 for though there is no danger in a heavy carriage1 the current of the river is so strong that it seems as if the carriage were swimming4 ,it was an odd feeling1 too1 after having been so recently three thousand feet in the air1 to find one's self walking on the very bed of the ocean4 ,we had about twelve miles of this kind of travelling4 ,the coast is very bold1 and we were quite delighted with the variety4 ,the next day's ride1 from ,ambleside to ,keswick1 was a very interesting one2 the scenery of the grandest1 and at times most beautiful1 character4 ,at ,rydal we stopped to see what would have been a beautiful cascade if there had been any water1 but we have had such a long period of dry weather that the stream had almost disappeared4 ,the scenery about it was fine1 and the thing itself could not but interest us under any circumstances1 for it borders upon ,wordsworth's grounds1 and has no doubt been a favorite resort of his1 and the suggestion of much of his fine poetry4 ,his house is just below1 and we could not help stopping at the gate1 to look at the abode of one whose writings we so much admired4 ,he was not at home1 but his sister came out and invited us to see the place1 and take a view from the ,mount which gives the name to his place4 ,this we could not do1 but it was some consolation for our disappointment to have spoken to her1 although it was very tantalizing not to be able to avail ourselves of her polite invitation4 ,the lakes of ,rydal1 ,grasmere1 ,windermere1 came in succession on our way1 all beautiful1 but ,grasmere with its little island in the centre the most so1 by far2 the banks being much wooded and ornamented by gentlemen's seats4 ,and ,emma and ,i fancied that1 after searching the greater part of ,england1 we had at length found a spot in which we should be willing to take up our abode for life4 ,the mighty ,helvellyn tempted us mountain-climbers to ascend its rough sides1 but with ,skiddaw before us we were satisfied to pass it1 in the hope of accomplishing the ascent of that4 ,at ,keswick we staid one night1 riding to ,bassenthwaite in the afternoon1 and sailing upon the lake in the evening4 ,nothing could exceed the beauty and sublimity of the latter excursion4 ,when we first went upon it1 the sun was just setting behind the immense mountains which bound this lake on the west1 throwing their shadows upon its smooth surface1 and lighting those beyond with that purple1 misty hue1 which is not to be described but by the brush of an artist1 this again giving way to the sober hue of evening1 until all view of them would have been lost1 had not the moon risen in full-orbed glory1 to enlighten the scene with her paler1 but not less beautiful light4 ,we sailed about four hours upon the lake1 landing upon one of the islands upon which is a gentleman's seat1 and going to the other extremity to see the falls of dark ,lodore1 and to hear the singular effect produced by firing a cannon on the shore2 it seemed like the rumbling of thunder1 and was distinctly echoed five times4 ,i don't think ,i have enjoyed any one thing so much as this sail1 since we commenced our journey4 ,we came on through ,carlisle1 and passed the boundary line between ,scotland and ,england1 and reached this place before dark1--the first town over the border4 ,it is a very small village1 consisting of scarcely more than a dozen white cottages1 but it has1 perhaps1 been the scene of as many critical events as many a larger one4 ,we are at a very comfortable inn1 got up for the accommodation of the fugitives who fly hither to seal their fate with the blacksmith's unholy blessing4 ,do not be alarmed for me1 although ,i am quietly seated in the very room which has witnessed the consummation 'so devoutly wished' by most young dames4 ,it is1 indeed1 mortifying to find one's self so near the goal1 with so many requisites1 obliged to miss the glorious opportunity for the want of one trifling article1--a husband2 but so it is1 and notwithstanding ,i am treading fairy land1 ,i in vain look for some kind godmother to conjure up the needful1 and must even submit to single blessedness a little longer4 ,but ,i must stop2 and have not time to look this over4 ,,mary4 ,,vii4 ,,scenes ,,of ,,suffering4 ,very different from its beginning was the termination of the pleasant tour through ,scotland4 ,mary felt it a duty to suppress all longings to go on with her good friend1 who was soon to leave the country4 ,gladly would she have returned with her to ,america at once4 ,but the great purpose1 certainly one of the chief objects1 for which she had gone abroad1 was not yet accomplished4 ,her father's only sister1 who had been left a widow in a very destitute condition1 was still living in a distant and obscure village of ,yorkshire4 ,mr4 ,pickard had made an annual provision for her support while he lived1 and his daughter determined to carry out his intentions1 so far as she could4 ,yet she felt that no aid in her power to send would be as much to her poor aunt as a visit1 and she had been anxiously looking for an escort to the place1 which was so remote as to make it hardly prudent for a lady and a stranger to venture alone4 ,she was therefore the more ready to accompany her friends to ,scotland1 as on their return they would go within eighty miles of ,osmotherly1 her aunt's residence4 ,accordingly she parted from them at ,penrith1 and went the rest of the way alone4 ,the visit that followed forms the most remarkable1 and in some respects the most interesting and important1 chapter in the story of her life4 ,instead of three weeks1 which she had set apart for this purpose1 she remained three months at ,osmotherly4 ,and it is not the least noticeable fact in that experience1 that she wrote on the spot a very full account of the whole1 in the midst of cares and the sight and sound of sufferings which are ordinarily allowed to excuse1 if they do not wholly prevent1 any use of the pen or effort of mind4 ,but we will not anticipate4 ,nor will we interrupt the narrative1 which we have drawn from various letters1 by any comments of our own4 ,osmotherly1 ,september #b1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i wish ,i could relieve your mind about my undertaking and prospects as quickly as my own was set at rest4 ,i will not recapitulate all or any thing that ,i felt at parting from you yesterday1 but you know me well enough to believe that it was with no common degree of regret and anxiety1 which the uncertainty of the path before me tended not a little to increase4 ,but ,i did recollect that ,i had never yet been forsaken in any difficulty2 supposing the worst1 there could be no fear of real evil1 and anxiety and distrust only made all that real which might after all be merely imaginary4 ,in order to obtain the quiet feeling which this view of things should create1 ,i turned my attention to my fellow-passenger1 who proved a very respectable1 well-informed woman1 and my only companion to ,north ,allerton4 ,her experiences helped to make me more comfortable1 for she had come from ,london alone1 travelled all night1 and had a very long distance farther to go4 ,she said she found no difficulty in travelling alone1 and gave me some useful hints upon the subject4 ,our route lay over a different road from that by which we approached ,york1 and as the day was so fine1 we had a more tolerable ride than ,i expected4 ,at ,north ,allerton ,i found a quiet room at the inn1 and a civil landlady1--went directly to the post-office1 where a long and delightful letter from ,jane ,mc,adam awaited me4 ,not a word there of my aunt's letter1 and ,i then went to a gentleman1 through whom ,i had formerly transmitted letters to her1 and found that he had sent the day before a letter from her to me1 and that she was then well4 ,this set me quite at ease1 and ,i took a chaise and rode hither with a comparatively light heart4 ,and then ,i wished it had so chanced that you could have taken this ride with me1 for a more beautiful one ,i have seldom seen4 ,this town lies upon one of those hills which we saw at a distance towards the east the day we rode from ,richmond2 and the ride from ,north ,allerton is a gradual ascent1 giving at every step a more extended view of the rich country which we passed through1 with the additional beauty of numberless little streams which we could not see1 and highly cultivated hills rising on one side to a great height4 ,i found my aunt much better than ,i expected1 and1 as you may suppose1 almost overpowered with joy to see me4 ,i did wish you could have seen her1--a small1 thin old lady1 with a pale complexion1 like ,aunt ,whipple1 and the very brightest black eyes1 which sparkle when she speaks with a degree of animation almost amusing in such an old lady4 ,she lives in a comfortable little two-story cottage of four rooms1 which far exceeds any thing ,i ever saw for neatness4 ,i find that ,i could not have come at a better time to do good1 or a worse for gaining spirits4 ,my aunt's two daughters are married and live in this village2 one of them1 with three children1 has a husband at the point of death with a fever2 his brother died yesterday of the small-pox1 and two of her children have the whooping-cough2 added to this1 their whole dependence is upon their own exertions1 which are of course entirely stopped now4 ,one of the children1 a year and a half old1 is with the grandmother1 but so ill with the cough that she is almost sick with taking care of it4 ,it has fortunately taken a fancy to me at once1 and ,i can relieve her a little4 ,but worse than all1 one of her sons had come home in a very gloomy state of mind1 and all her efforts had failed to rouse him to exertion4 ,i hope to be more successful1 for he seems willing to listen to me4 ,you may suppose1 under such a state of things1 ,i shall find enough to do4 ,my aunt's mind is in a much better state than ,i expected1 and if she does not get worn out with care to do more for me than ever was done for any body before1 ,i shall be most thankful that ,i came4 ,she tells me of many neighboring places which it would interest me to visit1 as resorts of my dear father1 and ,i think1 next week1 if possible to get a vehicle1 ,i shall take her off upon a jaunt round the country for a few days1 in home style1 driving myself4 ,i have not seen half the multitude of cousins that ,i find are to be seen1 but so far they are kind and affectionate1 and disposed to make me comfortable and happy4 ,i feel just like a child who has left home for the first time2 the change is so sudden and so great1 that the last eight weeks seem to me very like a dream of some distant age1 and a most interesting one too4 ,i never was more thankful for the varieties of life through which ,i have passed1 for without actual experience ,i never could have adapted myself to the new order of beings ,i now have to deal with4 ,i shall find full employment for my fingers1 in making my poor aunt as comfortable as ,i wish to leave her4 ,yours1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,september #h1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,watching all night by a death-bed is but a poor preparation for writing2 and yet ,i am not willing to lose the first leisure moment that ,i have had since ,i wrote you1 lest you should be alarmed at my long silence4 ,but ,i think1 from the account ,i gave you of the state of affairs here1 you will naturally conclude that ,i should have had constant occupation1 and will not be uneasy about me4 ,i have indeed found quite as much employment for mind and body as either were able to perform1 and have not had one moment to devote to you1 although my heart has been with you1 and my thoughts have often followed you4 ,the poor sick man1 of whom ,i told you1 has been growing worse daily1 and it was with feelings of almost joy that ,i last night closed his eyes1 knowing that his sufferings were at an end2 and yet he is so great a loss to his family1 that ,i seldom knew a case in which it was so difficult to feel that 'it is right4' ,his wife1 who is but a slender woman1 is left with three little boys1 without a penny to support them1 and almost without the power of gaining it1 for the youngest1 which is but three weeks old1 is dreadfully ill with the whooping-cough4 ,she is a calm and patient sufferer1 however1 and it does one good to see how trouble can be borne by the most unlettered and uninformed1 when the spirit is right4 ,i have not been able to do much for him1 but the little baby has been my constant care1 and ,i have got to loving it dearly4 ,every thing around me is sad and sorrowful1 and nothing but the effort1 which it is absolutely necessary for me to make1 to cheer and assist others1 gives me the least pleasure4 ,my poor aunt1 weakened in mind and body by continued and most severe afflictions1 is almost a child2 her son is nearly insane1 and keeps her in constant fear lest he may destroy himself2 and the trials of this poor daughter are enough to break her heart4 ,another of my cousins is well married1 and wishes me to be with her at her quiet and happy home2 but ,i cannot think of deserting this post1 however painful1 for any prospect of ease to myself4 ,in fact1 it seems to me that posts of difficulty are my appointed lot and my element1 for ,i do feel lighter and happier when ,i have difficulties to overcome4 ,could you look in upon me1 you would think it was impossible that ,i could be even tolerably comfortable1 and yet ,i am cheerful1 and get on as easily as possible1 and am in truth happy4 ,this village is the most primitive place ,i ever was in1 and a very obscure1 out-of-the way place2 the inhabitants almost entirely of one class1 and that of the poorer kind of laboring people1 ignorant as possible1 but simple and social4 ,you may conceive of their simple manners1 when ,i tell you they 'never saw such a lady as ,miss ,pickard' among them before2 and of course ,miss ,pickard is an object of as much curiosity and speculation as if she were ,empress of all the ,russias2 but they are kind-hearted and civil4 ,the peculiar situation of things has taken me more among them than ,i should have been in twice the time1 under common circumstances1 and it has been a good exercise for my faculty of adaptation4 ,i have succeeded1 ,i believe1 in pleasing them1 for it seems as if they only vied with each other in trying to do the most for me1 and ,i really think1 if they had a parson to write the ',annals of their ,parish1' the arrival of the ',american lady' would stand as the most remarkable event in the year #ahbe4 ,this amuses me1 and gives me an opportunity of doing much good with little trouble1 for it gives me influence2 and1 moreover1 it shows me human nature under a new form4 ,but ,i am entirely destitute of every thing like companionship1 and having had so much in this way lately with you1 of the most satisfactory and delightful kind1 you will readily believe that ,i must feel a great deficiency4 ,there is not even a clergyman's family for me to associate with1 for the curate of the place is of the very worst class of that set whose existence is a standing disgrace to the ,church2 an ignorant1 drinking man1 as careless and negligent of the duties of his station as if he considered it of no consequence whatever4 ,i hope to have a little leisure soon1 and then reading and writing will make up to me in some measure for the loss of society2 but as yet ,i have literally had to work hard1 and have not found time even to look at 'the journal4' ,i have a nice1 little1 quiet room1 however1 and feel quite at home in it4 ,i have thought much1 very1 very much1 of your voyage back without me4 ,i will not say ,i regret the circumstances which have led to my disappointment1 for it seemed to be my appointed path1 and when one follows the dictates of conscience it must be right2 and when it is right1 why should we wish it otherwise8 ,but ,i am weak1 and there are times when the thought of another six1 perhaps nine1 months' absence from home1 with all the uncertainties which attend the future1 makes my heart sink1 and the tear start1 in spite of myself4 ,yet it could not be otherwise2 it would have been wrong to have neglected coming here4 ,i am more convinced of this now than ever1 for though it was said that ,i could do as much good by sending money as by coming myself1 ,i do not think so2 and though ,i may be thought foolishly scrupulous for subjecting myself to the evils ,i must meet with here1 when ,i might have avoided them1 ,i am sure ,i never could have felt satisfied that all was done for my poor aunt as well as it could be1 unless ,i had seen and managed it4 ,but ,i am allowing myself in talking of self in a most unwarrantable manner2 you will pardon me1 in consideration of the difficulty of giving up at once the habit of self-indulgence which your kindness has created and fixed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,september #aj1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i do not mean to act modest and beg a compliment for it1 but in sober truth you do overrate me4 ,just because you happen to have seen more deeply into my 'inner man' than you are wont to do with others1 and have your feelings strongly interested1 you let them carry you off1 upon their liberal and expanded wings1 to a region of romance peopled by ideal spirits with which you identify your poor friend ,mary1 who has in truth no business there4 ,but ,i do indeed rejoice1 if the experience which ,god in his goodness has given me has been in any measure useful4 ,i do consider it a privilege to have learned so much of ,his character and will as in the wisdom of ,his providence ,he has enabled me to do1 though it has been by fiery trial4 ,i feel responsible for the right use of such a privilege1 not only for my own1 but others' good2 and if in the fulness of my heart ,i have been tempted to show you more of myself than a cooler judgment would have approved1 ,i trust that it may not have been without its advantages to both2 to me1 in teaching a lesson of humility2 to you1 as a warning1 perhaps4 ,but ,i must not yield to this propensity to egotism2 ,i have too much beside to talk about4 ,our poor man was buried yesterday1 and1 as clergymen rarely come here1 my cousin thought she would have her infant christened on the same day4 ,it was a most affecting sight4 ,i stood as its godmother at her request1 because ,i could not refuse her at such a time2 but it is too great a responsibility to be lightly taken4 ,the child1 however1 cannot live1 for it has begun already to have fits with its cough4 ,september #ab4 ,in three days you are to be gone from the country1 and ,i shall not have this means of communicating4 ,dear ,emma1 you cannot tell how much ,i shall miss you4 ,you seem to be a connecting link with home1 which ,i have a fearful dread of losing4 ,i don't know how it is1 but these coming six months seem to me a worse separation than all the past eighteen4 ,yet do not think1 because ,i feel so sad about not going home1 that ,i dread staying4 ,you know enough of the interests ,i have here1 to feel satisfied that ,i shall have much to occupy me pleasantly4 ,it is only the protracted separation from home that ,i feel sorry for1 and that is unavoidable1 and will perhaps prove best on many accounts4 ,farewell4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,september #ac1 #ahbe4 ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i had determined to write last night1 as ,i found it quite out of the question to attempt it in the daytime4 ,i had been up with the little boy a great part of the night before2 yet ,i knew ,i could keep awake writing1 ,i wanted to do it so much4 ,but in the true spirit of ,polly ,pickard1 attempting more than any one would think reasonable1 ,i was quite persuaded that1 as ,i was to sit up1 it was as well to do all ,i could2 and as poor cousin ,bessy had not had a quiet night since her child was born1 and was going to sleep alone in her house for the first time since her husband's death1 ,i thought it would do her good1 and me no harm1 to sit up in her parlor1 and take care of the baby in the cradle1 that she might have a little sleep1 and not feel alone4 ,the dear little baby had been better than for some time1 during the day1 and ,i doubted not it would lie in the cradle or on my knee very quietly1 except during its coughing fits4 ,bessy went to bed1 but the poor little creature grew worse1 and coughed itself into a fit1 in which it lay so long that ,i thought it dead1 and awoke its mother2 but its little heart began to beat again1 and it seemed to be reviving1 though slowly1 and ,i sent her off again4 ,it appeared for some time to be recovering1 but all at once it sunk away and died in my arms1 so peacefully and sweetly that ,i could scarcely be persuaded that it had not fallen into a still slumber1 or had another fit4 ,but it was indeed gone1 and when ,i could bring myself to give it up1 ,i arranged its little body for its last home4 ,i don't know when ,i have had my feelings more excited4 ,it was a lovely little creature1 and ,i have nursed it so much since ,i have been here1 that ,i found it had become an object of great interest to me2 not a day has passed that ,i have not given three or four hours to it1 and it was always so quiet with me that it seemed almost to know when ,i took it4 ,the circumstances of the family1 too1 made it singularly affecting that it should be taken away1 and the suddenness of its death seemed almost to bewilder me4 ,its poor mother is ill1 and between comforting her and coming home to my aunt1 who is very feeble1 ,i scarcely know how to find time enough for either4 ,i have been up three nights since ,wednesday last1 and1 with two children to manage1 ,i am almost mazed4 ,i have tried to write this morning1 for the baby was not out of my arms a moment last night1 but ,i cannot collect my thoughts1--,i don't know what ,i mean to say4 ,you must state the case for me4 ,could you look in upon me you might wonder ,i was not crazy1 but ,i shall do very well when ,i get a little sleep4 ,do not feel uneasy about me2 ,i am not in danger of being sick1 unless the prophecies of the old women here will kill me1 for they think1 ,i believe1 that ,i am too kind to live1 and they shake their heads most knowingly1--one proof among a thousand how much more frequently our characters are estimated by the circumstances in which we happen to be placed1 than by any other criterion4 ,do write1 to the last minute4 ,i cannot bear to part with you in this unsatisfactory manner1 but indeed ,i am incapable of any thing more2 my eyes are dazzled as ,i write1 and ,i must lie down4 ,i shall write by the packet of the #bdth from ,liverpool1 so that you will hear of me almost as soon as you get home2 and ,i pray ,god that in safety and health and increased happiness you may all reach 'that haven where you would be1 with a grateful sense of ,his mercies4' ,may ,god for ever bless you1 my dear1 kind friend1 and strengthen you by ,his grace to pursue with success that path of virtue and holiness which it is your wish to follow1 and enable you to perform all the duties which lie before you1 consistently with ,his divine will1 and worthy of ,his acceptance4 ,this can only be done by humble reliance upon ,him who is the way1 the truth1 and the life1 for guidance1 support1 and reward4 ,he alone can enable us to do that which we ought to do1 and1 feeling our own weakness1 let us rely with faith upon ,his promises1 neither doubting nor fearing the certainty of their accomplishment4 ,but ,i cannot write or think2 ,i seem to feel that 'bonnie little bairnie' in my arms still1 and my nerves are something shaken4 ,the worst of the whole is that poor1 unhappy young man1 whose low moans are continually sounding in my ears2 but ,i send him away to-morrow for his own sake1 as well as ours1 and all will go well4 ,again1 dearest ,emma1 ,heaven bless you6 ,ever your ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,september #ad1 #ahbe4 ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i have had a grand night's sleep1 and am better to-day1--should be well1 but for this lazy feeling1 and a dull headache4 ,don't fear for me4 ,i do not think ,i am going to be sick1 and it will be for some good purpose if ,i am4 ,i could not regret what ,i have done2 ,i could almost say1 as ,mr4 ,thacher once said1 ',i had better live a shorter life1 and a useful one4' ,but ,i am not inclined to throw away life either2 ,i enjoy it much1 and think it right for all to endeavor to preserve it1 for we may all do some good if we try1 and that is reason enough for keeping it1 were there no enjoyment to be had2 as there is1 even for the most distressed4 ,but ,i must leave you1 for ,i am not able to write more4 444 ,we buried the dear little baby to-day1 which has been a wet1 uncomfortable one1 and ,i do not feel the better for the exposure1 but on the whole am very well2 nothing but a trifling cold1 scarcely worth minding4 ,i feel with you that it is as well1 if not better1 that ,i should stay4 ,but you must not judge of its importance by cousin ,jane's representation2 her warm heart runs away with her judgment where she feels so much4 ,a truce with your 'feelings of inferiority4' ,who scolds me for the same feelings8 ,it is ,pride1 my dear1 depend upon it4 ,i know it of old4 ,do not let it triumph4 ,ever sincerely yours1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,october #c1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i have just received your farewell blessing1 and could you look in upon me1 and know the peculiar circumstances and situation in which ,i am placed1 you would not be surprised that it has made a very child of me1 and that for the time ,i feel as if all my connection with my home and its interests was severed by your departure4 ,i would not write under these impressions1 for ,i know it is a diseased state of mind1 did ,i not fear that1 unless ,i improve this one leisure evening1 ,i shall not have another opportunity of writing for a long time2 and ,i know you will be anxious to hear from me1 from the uncomfortable feeling which you express at not receiving late letters4 ,i did at first regret that ,i had not written upon the chances of your being detained1 but on the whole it was best that ,i did not1 for ,i could not at any moment since my last date have relieved your anxiety1 had ,i told you the truth1 and ,i think your imagination could not picture any evil so bad as the reality has been4 ,but to proceed in order4 ,i wrote you last1 ,i think1 the day after the dear little infant was buried1 and ,i believe ,i mentioned to you that ,i had taken up my night quarters with my poor cousin ,bessy4 ,she had never been left alone since her husband died1 and now that she had no longer her baby to occupy her attention1 she felt her desolateness more forcibly4 ,i therefore gave the day to my aunt1 having ,bessy and her two little boys as much with us as possible1 and passed the night with her4 ,she was the most patient sufferer ,i ever saw2 not a word of repining ever escaped her1 and she went about her occupations and duties with a steadiness which spoke a determination to sacrifice every selfish consideration to the good of her children4 ,scarcely a tear could be seen on her cheek1 and a common observer would have accused her of want of feeling1 if he had not understood that the settled calm which sat upon her face might hide more real agony than is ever shown by any 'sounds of woe4' ,her resolution astonished her friends1 for they knew her to have a very timid and self-distrusting character1 and the situation in which she was thus suddenly placed would have appalled even a stout heart4 ,but ,i saw the true state of the case4 ,when the duties of the day were past1 and the necessity for exerting herself over1 and all at rest but ourselves1 she felt at liberty to indulge herself in talking of that of which she would not speak to any one beside2 and ,i found that what seemed insensibility was in reality a degree of fortitude and resolution which ,i never saw equalled4 ,i thought it best1 too1 to encourage her thus to open her heart1 for ,i believe that concealed grief is always the most destructive to the mind1 and her situation really required the advice and assistance of any one who could aid her1 as she was inexperienced and felt her own deficiencies to a most overpowering degree4 ,she had had but little instruction upon religious subjects1 and would listen to my reading of the ,scriptures1 and detail of my own experience of the power of religious consolations1 as if a new light were opened to her soul4 ,i did not then know how much she was affected1 but the readiness with which she adopted advice upon the subject gave me much hope that it would in time become as valuable to her as it had been to me4 ,i told you that her infant was only a fortnight old when her husband was taken ill1 and only a month when it died4 ,its mother had never recovered her strength1 and distress having destroyed her appetite1 and watching deprived her of sleep1 she was as thin and weak as possible1 and but ill able to bear the consequences of the sudden death of the child4 ,this1 added to a cold which she took1 made her very feverish1 and the absence of the physician from town obliged her to confine herself to such simple remedies as we could prescribe1 to avert further evil and restore her strength4 ,but the benefit which she derived from them was but temporary4 ,a week from the day upon which her baby died1 while passing the afternoon with us1 she was taken very ill1 and it was with great difficulty that her brother and myself carried her to her own house1 only a few rods distant4 ,i lost no time in administering the prescriptions of the physician1 and for a few days she seemed to mend2 but ,i soon felt convinced that her disease was the worst form of typhus fever1 and was sure that she had not strength to get through it4 ,the doctor confirmed my suspicions1 but told me that such was the dread of it among the country people1 that1 if it were known1 ,i should be left to myself1 for no one would come near the house4 ,i had not then required any assistance1 for ,i was very well1 and1 knowing her situation to be a critical one1 did not like to trust her to any one beside4 ,by some means1 however1 the story was sounded abroad and spread like wildfire1 and the suspicion of 7what was in fact the truth7 the two brothers having died of the same disorder added to the evil4 ,the day after ,bessy was taken1 ,jemmy1 her youngest child1 a boy of three1 fell ill too1 and though it was doubtful whether whooping-cough or typhus had the greater share in his malady1 to the fearful minds of the villagers it was all one and the same1 and the family were thought to be doomed to destruction4 ,one by one fell off from coming near the house1 till ,i at last scarcely saw a person except the doctor during the day4 ,this ,i did not mind1 for ,i preferred being constantly with my cousin1 and the actual labor of attending her was not great2 she took but little1 and all the help which ,i wished for ,i had4 ,she died1 however1 on the #cjth of ,september1 eleven days after she was taken1 and during that time ,i had never left her1 night or day1 except to change my clothes occasionally at my aunt's4 ,i had watched with her seven nights1 and been up part of every other2 for so accustomed was she to my care1 that she did not like to be touched by any other person4 ,i had sent the two little boys to their grandmother's1 and the youngest was very ill during the whole of his mother's sickness1 and still continues so4 ,my cousin's little cottage was so small1 that ,i felt unwilling that any one should sleep in it1 lest they should suffer from infection2 and often did ,i sit up with her alone in the house4 ,i had been so exposed to the disease that ,i felt no fears for myself1 and ,i believe this helped to preserve me1 and the good doctor watched me very narrowly4 ,i could not in a month tell you half the interesting circumstances attending this trying scene4 ,her senses never forsook her for a moment1 nor her deep sense of gratitude to ,god for the mercies which he had bestowed on her amid all her sufferings4 ,it seemed to her ,his immediate providence which had sent me to them just at this time1 and her expressions of affection and thankfulness were indeed most delightful to me4 ,it does appear most singular that ,i should have come just now1 for the fact is1 poor ,bessy would have suffered for want of a nurse1 beside many other necessaries1 had ,i not been here4 ,her mother was fully occupied with the little boy1 and her sister too distant1 and of too much importance at home1 to be with her1 and the people of the place are too ignorant and frightened to have been all to her that she required4 ,it was necessary to bury her immediately2 and thus is this family entirely broken up1 in the short space of three weeks1 by the death of both its heads4 ,she left her children to my sole direction and care1 and the settlement of all their affairs1 so that ,i have still much to do1 beside the care of the sick child4 ,his grandmother is almost worn out with it1 and left his mother's death-bed only to nurse him4 ,i have now stolen away from him for an hour to visit this deserted place1 and am sitting by the fire in the lonely parlor1 without any other being in the house but the eldest boy of seven1 who is amusing himself by my side1 interrupting me now and then by saying1 ',cousin ,mary1 you will let me live with you1 wont you8' ,every thing is still without1 and so strongly is my poor cousin's voice associated with every thing ,i see around me1 that it would not require any very strong effort of imagination to fancy ,i still heard her blessing me from what is now1 ,i trust1 her abode of peace and joy4 ,but ,i must not indulge myself in writing about feelings1 for ,i have much else to say2 but ,i really think1 since the last solemn evening that ,i spent alone in the old oak parlor in ,pearl ,street1 ,i have never felt so forcibly the mutability of all earthly things2 and had ,i any one to listen1 ,i could talk all night upon the subject4 ,this is by far the most primitive1 uncivilized place ,i was ever in2 ,i cannot liken it to any thing ,i know at home1 for even ,worthington has lawyers and a clergyman's family to redeem it2 and1 moreover1 the general inhabitants of our little towns have more information and education than is to be found in these out-of-the-way villages1 to which the modern improvement of national and free schools has not yet been extended4 ,i am glad to see all the varieties of life1 but under present circumstances this is a very solitary one4 ,were it not for the physician's visits1 which he kindly makes every day1 ,i should live totally without conversation in its true sense4 ,the people are good and honest-hearted1 and treat me as if ,i belonged to a higher order of animals1--and this is a novel situation6 ,i am very free from complaints1 and take care not to do more than ,i feel able to1 and if ,i am superstitious in feeling that ,providence directed me hither at this time1 it is a useful superstition1 inasmuch as it gives me a feeling of security that ,i shall be guided and strengthened to accomplish the work appointed for me4 ,do not fear1 but hope and pray for me4 ,i cannot tell you how much your visit to ,burcombe gratified me2 you could not have obliged me more1 for ,i should have been so suspicious that my own description of it and its inhabitants might be a partial one1 that ,i doubt if ,i should really have done them justice at home3 ,jane was as much pleased with the effort you made to see them1 as any one could possibly be1 and more pleased with the visit itself than ,i choose to tell you4 ,i have most kind letters from the family at ,penrith1 offering to come for me whenever ,i give the word of command2 it is a delightful rest to look forward to1 but it will1 ,i fear1 be long before ,i can avail myself of it4 ,the thoughts of home are to me now something like the dreams one has of heaven1 in the twilight hours between sleeping and waking2 ,i dare not form any definite picture1 and yet the idea will not be wholly discarded4 ,but with so much around me to make me realize the uncertainty of life1 and exposed to actual danger every moment1 how can ,i presume even to hope8 ,may ,i be able to say from the heart1 ',thy will be done4' ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,october #bc1 #ahbe4 ,my dear ,cousin3-- ,i wrote ,emma a hurried letter a few weeks since1 giving an account of my poor cousin's illness and death1 and then hoped that ,i should soon be able to tell a happier tale1 to relieve the anxiety which that might have produced4 ,but it is not yet in my power1 and ,i should not venture to write at all1 did ,i not hope that all your uneasiness on my account will find an antidote in the confidence which daily experience increases in my heart1 that ,he whose arm is mighty to save1 and who has hitherto protected me from all danger1 will still extend to me his fatherly care1 and guide and guard me under all the events of his providence4 ,you will readily believe that ,i have need of this confidence to strengthen me1 when ,i tell you that ,i am writing this by the bedside of the eldest of those two dear little orphans whom my cousin left in my care4 ,his little brother had scarcely recovered from his fever1 when ,i was obliged to leave him to attend this poor child with the same fever1 and have now been for more than a week his sole nurse1 night and day4 ,but to give you an adequate idea of the peculiarly trying situation in which ,i have been placed for the last seven weeks1 ,i must recapitulate the story1 which you may perhaps have gathered in unconnected details from my letters to ,emma4 ,it is indeed a melancholy one1 but proves to me most painfully that our steps are oftentimes guided by a wisdom from above1 far beyond our own limited conceptions4 ,you know that one of my objects in coming to ,england was to try to do something more than ,i had hitherto been enabled to1 for the comfort of my poor old aunt1 and you will not therefore be surprised that it was my fixed resolution not to return until ,i had an opportunity of ascertaining how to do this most effectually4 ,when at last ,i did get here1 it was with the expectation of staying only just long enough to see that she was made comfortable4 ,i knew nothing of her family even by name1 and of herself only that she was old and feeble1 and subject to fits of extreme melancholy4 ,i had not any anticipations of pleasure1 except from the feeling that ,i was doing what my dear father would have done1 and fulfilling one of the duties of my life4 ,my father had been her idol through life1 and1 as ,i have now found1 almost her sole dependence2 her children could do little for her1 and the relations she had in ,england knew nothing of her4 ,she was of course most delighted to see me1 and prepared to devote herself with all her faculties to my comfort4 ,but1 poor body1 she stood in need of all that ,i could do to comfort to her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i have written this in the intervals of attendance upon the little boy1 and1 as you may perceive1 at different periods1 for ,i seldom sit five minutes at once4 ,it is now the #beth1 and ,i am happy to say he is a little better2 but ,i scarcely dare hope1 he is of so feeble a constitution4 ,i left him yesterday under the influence of opium1 so that ,i was sure he would not miss me1 to go to ,north ,allerton1 seven miles distant1 to meet old ,mr4 ,mc,adam and my cousin ,s----1 who had come from ,penrith in their carriage for me4 ,they did not come hither1 fearing that strangers would be but intruders in such distress1 but stopped at ,north ,allerton1 and sent an express to me on ,sunday night1 begging me to return with them if possible1 for they had known of all the sickness which surrounded me1 and feared ,i should suffer from contagion4 ,it was most kind in them1 and ,i should have been most happy for the release could ,i have gone with an easy conscience4 ,but it would have been worse than inhuman to have left this poor little sufferer1 beside that much of the business which ,i have undertaken is unfinished1 and ,i should not think ,i had done my duty until ,i had settled these orphans permanently4 ,but ,i thought ,i ought to go to them to explain this1 as ,i should have been afraid to have had them come here1 and ,i took a chaise and passed the day with them4 ,my patient did not wake up enough to know ,i was away1 and it was quite a refreshment to me4 ,am ,i not most fortunate to have such kind friends in this strange land8 ,it is a comfort to feel that ,i have such a resting-place when my labors here are over1 and cheers me even in this most solitary of all the situations in which ,i have ever been placed4 ,were it not for the good little doctor who attends my patients1 ,i know not what ,i should do4 ,my cousin cannot leave home for an instant1 and my poor aunt is overwhelmed with all these distressing events1 added to the continual trial which the melancholy young man is to all of us4 ,i get on without much fatigue1 however1 and have not yet been obliged to sit up all night2 and with the sleep which ,i get whenever the little fellow is quiet1 ,i do very well4 ,he has been very much out of his head the greater part of the time1 but very patient when he is sensible4 ,it is now ten days since he became ill1 and you may suppose he is somewhat attached to his cousin by this time1 and ,i to him4 ,o1 if you could look in upon me1 what would you say6 99 99 99 99 99 ,october #cj4 ,you would pity me now if you could look upon me1 for ,i have this night closed the eyes of the dear child whom ,i was watching when ,i wrote the above4 ,he seemed better daily after my last date1 and on ,friday1 the #bhth1 sat up and appeared in every respect on the recovery2 his appetite was good1 his fever reduced1 and his strength improving4 ,he awoke on ,saturday early1 and begged for his breakfast1 ate a light one1 and fell asleep4 ,his nose had bled a little the evening before1 but not much2 but about eleven1 he suddenly threw off from his stomach such a quantity of blood1 as proved to us that there was some internal rupture in the head4 ,this continued through the day and night1 increasing in violence4 ,no earthly power could save him2 all was done that could be1 but certain spots which appeared upon him soon after the bleeding commenced decided the physician that he could not live4 ,he lingered until this evening1 and died from absolute exhaustion at ten o'clock1 of what is called spotted fever here2--and ,i laid with him after the spots had come out1 without knowing what they meant4 ,it is a great shock1 for ,i felt almost secure that he was getting better1 and his poor grandmother is nearly distracted4 ,this seems to affect her more than all2 being under her own roof1 it is brought more home to her senses1 and it is indeed shocking to lose five of one family in so short a time4 ,i am sitting up1 while a woman1 who has been with me through this dreadful day1 gets a little rest by the side of my aunt2 but as ,i was up last night1 ,i am in such an agitated state that ,i am not fit to write4 ,to have seen four human beings die in the short space of eight weeks is enough of itself to solemnize one's mind2 but with all the additional circumstances which have attended these1 no wonder that my heart is full to overflowing4 ,this was a fine boy1 and you know that the endearing ways of a sick child are most engaging under any circumstances1 and when that child is an orphan1 and dependent upon one's self entirely1 the interest is indeed intense4 ,i never met with so violent a case of fever1 and the poor sufferer was sensible to the last of all its horrors4 ,one cannot indeed lament for him1 for he would have probably had but a hard life4 ,little ,james is now indeed alone in the world1 happily too young to be conscious of his loss2 but it is very affecting to think of his being deprived of father1 mother1 and two brothers in eight weeks1 and left so perfectly alone4 99 99 99 99 99 ,november #b4 ,i add a line to say that ,i am quite well1 therefore do not feel anxious about me4 ,there are very many cases of the fever in the village1 and as ,i am almost the only person in it who is not afraid of infection1 ,i still have full employment in assisting the poor sufferers4 ,my cousin's little niece is still very ill4 ,i have indeed been wonderfully preserved and strengthened4 ,heaven save me from presumption1 but ,i cannot help feeling that ,i could not have lived through all that ,i have1 unless ,god had protected me4 ,yours affectionately1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,we need not attempt to add any thing to this simple and affecting narrative of events that seem to belong to a more remote place and period than ,england and our own day4 ,with all their naturalness and the stamp of reality1 it would not be difficult--as indeed has been done--to clothe them with the drapery of fiction1 and weave them into a romantic1 improbable tale4 ,but the tale is not all told4 ,the scene shifts at this point1 only to be succeeded by another not unlike1 nor far apart4 ,near the end of ,november1 ,mary was released from present duty at ,osmotherly1 took a reluctant leave--yes1 with her generous and clinging affections1 a reluctant leave--of the family in which she had closed the eyes of five members1 and was carried by eager1 anxious friends to ,penrith4 ,there1 in the bosom of a charming household already known and dear to her1 every thing within and without presented as strong a contrast to the situation she had just left1 as words could express4 ,her own words give us some idea of it1 in the first letter she wrote after leaving a place associated with images of danger and death1 and leaving it1 as she supposed1 for ever4 ,but the very next letter after that surprises us with the old date of ,osmotherly2 and we find that hardly a month had passed before she was recalled to the same spot1 the same painful responsibilities1 and far greater danger than before1 as the result proved4 ,but again we leave her to tell her own story4 ,penrith1 ,cumberland1 ,november #bi1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,after all my melancholy letters from ,osmotherly1 you will be glad to receive one of another date1 and under happier circumstances4 ,my last letter was just after the death of the dear little boy1 and ,i then thought ,i should be able to leave there very shortly2 but it was not until the #bfth1 7after ,i had been there twelve weeks instead of the three which ,i intended when ,i went17 that ,i could arrange matters so that ,i could give up my charge conscientiously2 and1 after all my efforts1 ,i could not succeed in settling the business for my poor1 unfortunate cousin4 ,i left it1 however1 in a fair way for completion1 clothed the dear little orphan for the winter1 and placed him with his aunt1 making all the arrangements which my limited means allowed for his future support2 and notwithstanding the incessant trial which ,i had there1 ,i assure you it was not without many painful feelings that ,i took leave of the place1 for ever4 ,i had been for the last five weeks constantly with my aunt1 and could not bear to leave her in the solitary situation to which she was reduced by the death of so many of her family4 ,my dear little ,jamie had become an object of affection to me1 heightened to an extreme degree1 since he was1 like myself1 left without parents or brother or sister4 ,i longed to take him as my own1 for he is a child of very uncommon capacity1 and ,i fear will not have the education which he deserves4 ,but ,i could only commit him in faith to ,him who is the ,father of the fatherless1 who will not suffer even the least of his creatures to want his care4 ,i think ,i never shall forget his screams of agony when he saw me drive away2 ,i thought his little heart would burst4 ,but childish sorrow is soon over1 and he will forget me long before ,i shall cease to love him4 ,according to an arrangement previously made1 my cousin ,s---- met me at ,greta ,bridge1 in her grandfather's carriage4 ,i came to that place on ,thursday in a postchaise1 passed the night1 and came on hither the next day1 so that ,i had only about thirty miles to ride alone1 and as ,i got a postboy from the neighborhood to drive me all the way1 ,i felt perfectly safe1 and found no inconvenience whatever4 ,nothing can exceed the kindness of this family to me2 indeed1 ,i am made to feel that ,i am at home with them as if ,i had always belonged to them4 ,after all ,i have had to suffer1 it is almost like the rest of the ,sabbath to the weary laborer1 and if kindness and petting will cure one1 ,i shall soon recover all ,i may have lost during my dreadful siege at ,osmotherly4 ,to be sure1 ,i am almost bewildered at the change from constant anxiety and labor to a state of perfect idleness and indulgence1 but ,i will try and make a good use of it2 and ,i feel so entirely convinced that this most amazing preservation of my life must be for some useful end1 that ,i think ,i never can fall into an insensible or cold state again4 ,i was almost glad to stay from here1 until ,i was quite sure ,i had not suffered from infection1 for although ,i cannot feel much faith in the doctrine of contagion1 ,i would not run any risk of communicating the disease to others4 ,it is the opinion of many physicians here1 7and my little doctor among the number17 that change of air may bring out the fever which would lie dormant in the system for a long time without it1 and he warned me not to feel too secure until ,i had tried it4 ,but ,i do not yet feel any symptoms2 weak and weary ,i am1 but not feverish1 and having no fear am the more safe4 ,but do not think ,i am so much occupied by the distresses ,i have experienced here1 as to be unmindful of those which have visited my friends at home4 ,your letter of the #bjth of ,october1 and ,ann's of the #ahth1 reached me on the #afth of ,november4 ,the account of poor ,maria's death shocked me very much1 and made me long to fly home1 that ,i might1 if possible1 do something for her dear little children4 ,i wish ,i could assist them1 and feel that there is no one of the family to whom the duty of doing it is so great4 ,i beg you will use my name in any case in which you think ,i could act with usefulness1 and if ,god spare me to return to you1 ,i promise you ,i will fulfil all you may engage for me to the best of my powers4444 ,it tires me so much1 that ,i can scarcely write intelligibly4 ,god bless you6 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,osmotherly1 ,december #ca1 #ahbe4 ,,my ,,dearest ,,friend3-- ,i have often welcomed this anniversary with delight2 but under all the various circumstances in which it has found me1 ,i think ,i never felt the value of the privilege which it gives me of writing to you more deeply than ,i do at this moment4 ,but ,i will first account to you for my being again at this place1 the very name of which is no doubt by this time associated in your mind1 as it is in mine1 with images of danger and death4 ,of the events which took place during my former visit here1 you have no doubt been informed by my letters to ,boston1 and of my departure from it1 as ,i thought for ever1 for the hospitable abode of my kind friends at ,penrith1 where ,i was enjoying much when ,i last wrote home4 ,i intended staying with them until the middle of ,january1 when ,mr4 ,mc,adam's appointed journey south would secure me an escort to ,birmingham1 and ,i was1 among other things1 anticipating writing this under the influence of the same most delightful society which was operating upon my mind on this night last year4 ,but ,i was doomed in this1 as in many more important concerns1 to feel the uncertainty of all calculations for the future2 for on the #bc;d of ,december ,i received a letter from the physician of this place1 written at the request of my aunt1 who was apparently dying of typhus fever1 begging me if possible to let her see me once more4 ,i knew there were many reasons which made it important that ,i should come1 if that were indeed her situation2 and at the advanced age of sixty-eight1 with a most feeble frame1 ,i could not dare to expect a favorable termination4 ,the risk of returning to such an infected region was1 of course1 much greater than my former residence there1 but thus summoned ,i could not hesitate1 and my good friends1 even more fearful and anxious than ,i was1 could not attempt to dissuade me4 ,it was indeed an appalling undertaking1 knowing so fully the evils to which ,i was coming which could not be avoided1 and all that might ensue could not be kept out of sight4 ,it was1 ,i assure you1 with many solemn thoughts1 though hid by cheerful looks1 that ,i took my leave1 probably for ever1 of that good family1 and got into the mail alone on the morning of the #bfth4 ,my route lay across the dreary hill ,stanmoor1 and1 as ,i had not even a single companion the whole eighty miles hither1 you may be sure my cogitations were many and various4 ,among other things1 ,i was struck by the singular coincidence which has always given to ,christmas week a peculiar interest2 neither could ,i fail to consider1 on recollecting the various circumstances that had occurred in it1 how deep was my debt of gratitude to that ,being who had guided me through them all in safety4 ,dear ,n----1 this is an overwhelming thought1 and one which every day's experience forces upon my mind with increasing power1 a power of which1 it seems to me1 it would have been impossible to conceive under any other than the very peculiar circumstances in which ,i have been1 and1 it would seem1 am still doomed to live1 while in this country4 ,imagine me1 at this distance from all to whom ,i have been accustomed to look for dependence1 a being alone in creation almost1 literally alone in this strange land1 making an excursion of eighty miles across the country1 partly in coaches1 partly in postchaises1 without a being to protect me or appeal to1 and upon such an errand1--and yet as safe as if a host were escorting me1 calm1 quiet1 and perfectly easy as if ,i were taking a ride to ,hingham2 and then tell me1 if the confiding spirit which our sacred religion creates in our souls is not worth all that we could possess besides4 ,i arrived here in eight hours after ,i left ,penrith1 and found the poor old lady rather better1 and not a little delighted that ,i had cared enough for her to come4 ,she has had many and severe trials through life1 to which those of the last summer were but a sequel4 ,i was the only one of her own relations with whom she had come in contact for many years1 and the poor soul's heart warmed towards me with the whole force of her long shut up affections4 ,i at once installed myself as sole nurse in the very room in which ,i had watched the progress of disease and death upon that poor child1 whose case ,i mentioned in my letter to ,emma2 and here am ,i now writing you by the light of a rush candle1 with my little work-box for a desk1 almost afraid to breathe lest ,i should disturb my aunt's slumbers4 ,we two are the only beings in this little cottage1 for ,i have sent her sons out to sleep1 as a precaution against the fever1 and put a bed into the corner of the room for myself4 ,could you see me acting in the fourfold capacity which ,i adopt in this humble cottage1 you would hardly believe me to be the same being1 who1 a week ago1 was installed in all the honors of a privileged visitor1 amid the luxuries of ,cockel ,house1 acting 'lady' solely1 to the utmost of my ability4 ,it amuses me to find how easily it all sits upon me1 and how readily we may adapt ourselves to varieties of situation and find something to enjoy in all4 ,aunty is much better1 and ,i think there is a good chance for her recovery1 at least to as good a state of health as she was in before this illness4 ,i feel little evil in the contrast1 great as it is to myself1 except a slight cold1 which the very sudden change in the weather1 from warm and damp to excessive cold1 has brought me4 ,the fields to-day are covered with snow1 the first time ,i have seen them so in this country1 and it looked so homeish1 and so much like your happy home the last time ,i saw it1 that ,i have been enjoying the sight highly to-day1 while every one beside was looking blank at it4 ,i am in one respect more comfortable than when ,i was here before1 for ,i have one companion4 ,the 'little doctor' has his only sister to keep his house1 and she has already made herself most important and agreeable to me2 she has only been here a week1 and being as much a stranger as myself1 we have some feelings in common4 ,she is a very lovely little creature1 twenty-one only in years1 but older in experience4 ,her manner is suited to the style of her face1--gentle1 winning1 and at the same time indicating cultivation and elegance of mind4 ,without the slightest shade of affectation or consciousness of beauty1 she not only gives me a new study of character1 but is a most convenient and pleasant associate2 living in the next house but one1 ,i can call upon her at any moment4 ,something always comes to me in all situations to prove to me the care which is taken even of the most insignificant2 and surely the whole of my experience in this place has been but a continued lesson of it4 ,indeed1 ,i certainly have great cause of thankfulness1 for that only dark passage in my progress since ,i left home1 trying as it was1 was full of admonition4 ,it showed me a part of the great plan of creation of which ,i knew little or nothing before1 a class of beings whose characters1 duties1 motives1 and views ,i had never before understood2 and above all1 it showed me how perfectly the various links in the great chain of existences are adapted to aid1 and strengthen1 and apply to each other1 adding another to the many proofs of the ,supreme ,wisdom which formed and governs all4 ,the only remnant of my poor cousin ,bessy's family is a boy of just ,william's age2 he was ill at the time his mother died1 and became my immediate charge until his brother was taken sick1 and grew so fond of me that it was long before even his aunt1 whom he had been used to seeing1 could make him content to be separated from me4 ,he is a very engaging child1 bright1 and of a noble disposition and temper4 ,the similarity of our situations was enough to make me feel more than common tenderness for him1 his dependence upon me increased it1 and his strong attachment to me completed it4 ,i think ,i never felt so much for a little creature before1 and were it not for the great distance ,i should have to take him1 ,i never would leave him behind4 ,i thought he would have broken his little heart when ,i drove away1 and when ,i came back his ecstasy was really affecting2 he ran round me1 jumped up in my lap1 stroked and kissed my face1 as if he could not trust to the evidence of one sense1 and at last burst out a crying1 ',uncle ,mady wont go away again2 ,uncle ,mady live with ,jamie every day1 wont you1 ,uncle ,mady8' ,he had always a trick of calling me ',uncle4' ,do not think ,i am made melancholy by all this4 ,i have no recollection of ever having the same degree of good spirits as ,i have been blessed with for the last six months1--,i may say nine2 and save my longing for home1 ,i have had no cause to wish any one thing relating to me different from what it has been4 ,god grant that ,i may not be tempted to great presumption6 ,i hope my wishes are humble1 though my confidence may be great4 ,may ,god be with you1 my dear friend1 and guide and guard1 and bless you1 through the year on which we have now entered1 and for ever1--is the earnest prayer of your sincere ,,mary4 ,but with all her cheerfulness1 and self-forgetting1 heroic courage1 ,mary was not proof against danger and disease4 ,it is well for us to learn that the laws of nature are not suspended nor diverted from their course1 even by the strongest faith1 or for the sake of the most noble and useful laborer4 ,such a laborer there was here2 but it was hardly to be expected that she would pass unharmed1 the second time1 through such exposure1 fatigue1 and painful anxiety4 ,if the transition was great1 at first1 from that barren and comfortless place to the luxuries of ,penrith1 the change back again must have been peculiarly trying4 ,she speaks of the difference between the two places as equal to that between the most sumptuous dwelling in ,boston and the farm-house at ,brush ,hill4 ,nay1 the contrast there was yet greater2 for the common cottages in ,yorkshire had no floors for the first story1 except of clay and sand4 ,such was the house in which all that previous sickness and death had occurred1 and in which the nurse and servant of all now found herself again4 ,sending away to another house the melancholy and moaning young man1 and fixing up a bed for herself in a corner of her aunt's small room1 she endeavored to keep herself from the night air1 particularly as the weather1 after a long course of warm rains1 became intensely cold4 ,but in vain did she shun exposure4 ,there was work to be done out of doors as well as in1 and no one but herself to do it4 ,a sudden and severe cramp seized her1 and she at last fell upon the floor1 when alone in the night1 and there lay a long time1 utterly helpless1 striving to make her groans heard by some one in or out of the house4 ,this left her in a state of extreme debility1 from which nothing could for a long time raise her4 ,she would make it appear a light matter when it was over1 but it is evident1 from her own expressions and other facts1 that she was in great danger4 ,penrith1 ,february #aj1 #ahbf4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,your last letter was a cordial to me1 and came at a time when ,i greatly needed it2 for ,i was actually suffering under all the evil which you were fearing for me when you wrote it1--confined to the chamber of that little cottage which ,i have described to you1 weak and languid1 the mere shadow of what ,i was when ,i parted from you4 ,but for the cause and effect of my last visit to ,osmotherly ,i must refer you to my letters to ,n4 ,c4 ,p4 and ,mrs4 ,b----2 you know ,i cannot bear to tell the same tale twice1 more especially if it be a melancholy tale4 ,but do not imagine me to have been in a very forlorn and disconsolate predicament1 for ,i had many blessings to rejoice in all the while4 ,the sun shone brightly all the day full upon the windows of our comfortable1 neat apartment1 furnished with what1 in her former prosperous days1 had been the furniture of the 'spare chamber' 7the museum of precious articles1 you know7 of ,aunty's 'bien house'2 ,aunty sitting by the fire in her easy chair1 her bright eyes glistening with the exhilaration of returning health2 and my ladyship lying on the bed1 thin and pale enough ,i grant1 but in as high glee as strength would permit1 and not for one minute depressed2 if any change came1 it was for the better1 and my nurses remarked that my worst days were my gayest ones4 ,then ,i had two visits each day from the 'little doctor1' the very essence of good-humor and cheerfulness1 and as ,i had in reality but little pain1 ,i could manage to enjoy a good deal4 ,besides1 ,i had the comfort of a female companion1 with whom ,i could associate with something like equality of feeling4 ,this was the sister of the 'little doctor1' who had just come to ,osmotherly to keep house for him4 ,my dear little ,jemmy1 too1 was a source of great amusement and delight to me2 he had improved even in the short time ,i had been from him1 and showed some new and interesting trait every time ,i saw him4 ,i left all behind me1 however1 on the #cjth of ,january1 not without many regrets as you may believe1 for ,i felt it was now certainly for ever2 and no one can part from those who have been kind to the utmost of their power1 however small that power may be1 without sad feelings4 ,this is certainly a great drawback upon the pleasure one takes in travelling1 and ,i sometimes think1 when the time comes that ,i must do the same to all ,i have known here1 ,i shall wish ,i had never come4 ,but ,i do not like to think of it4 ,i am indeed much better than ,i could have dared to hope1 but ,i always gain fast if at all1 and this week of eating has made a great change in me4 ,i cannot tell you how ,i rejoice at this1 for ,i began to be heartily tired of my fictitious character2 ,i did not realize my identity when toddling about1 catching hold of chairs and tables like a child just going alone1 as ,i did last week2 ,i longed to shake myself of the encumbrance1 or that the scene would drop1 and let me scamper away1 ,mary ,pickard again4 ,i am glad you have seen this house1 for it will aid your imagination a little2 but you can scarcely conceive of the appearance of comfort which pervades this room as it is now arranged4 ,the gentlemen have all deserted us1 and just now ,aunty ,george1 ,selina1 and ,i are seated in true spinster style round a large fire in the drawing-room up stairs1 7which by the way was any thing but comfortable when you saw it17 ,aunty at full length upon the sofa reading on one side1 ,selina on the other writing1 and ,i in the front doing the same1 at the same table with her4 ,around us are arranged1 in the most convenient places1 piano1 flowers1 tables covered with books1 writing-desks1 c41 ottomans ditto1 all sorts of comfortable chairs1--easy1 rocking1 c42 in the corners1 shelves with collections of shells1 minerals1 and other odd things1 to say nothing of the living ornaments4 ,it is the very picture of comfort1 and ,i could tell you of certain sensual luxuries which make their appearance upon the centre-table1 some three1 four1 five1 or perhaps six times a day1 now that ,i am prohibited from descending to the dining-room2 but that would destroy the intellectual charm which must hang round the image of ,aunty ,george4 ,mrs4 ,mc,adam writes me that she received your letter1 and really begins to imagine herself a 'monstrously agreeable woman4' ,you must have given her a good dose1 ,i think4 ,she has been in a fine taking about this illness of mine1 but is cooling a little1 now she finds ,i am not satisfied with less than four meals per day4 ,how shamefully ,i have treated ,emma's kind letter2 but there is no end to my wickedness of this sort4 ,i must not begin with confessions1 but end them by confessing myself very tired1 and ever your sincere friend1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,erdington1 near ,birmingham1 ,march #c1 #ahbf4 ,,my ,,dear ,,cousin3-- ,i have continued to gain strength daily since ,i last wrote4 ,miss ,mc,adam passed a week in ,liverpool1 during which time ,selina and ,i kept house at ,cockel2 and after passing my last few days there in the most delightful manner1 with all the good inmates1 ,i left them on the #bfth4 ,mr4 ,mc,adam kindly insisted on coming by the way of ,erdington1 that ,i might not be obliged to travel all the way alone4 ,we found a great change on this side the hills of ,westmoreland2 the grass is green1 and every thing putting forth1 the lambs bleating and the birds singing as if it were ,may4 444 ,i had given ,mr4 ,b---- notice of my intention to come to him at this time1 and found him looking out for me even at the gate1 with characteristic impatience1 on ,tuesday about noon1 and not a little delighted to see me at last4 ,you know how strongly attached he was to my father and mother1 and indeed to the whole family2 his enthusiastic feelings have fully retained the remembrance of what he enjoyed with them1 and any one who belonged to them would have been most welcome to him4 ,besides this1 he used to pet me1 and took a great deal of pains to teach me1 and ,i thought the little body would have lost his wits when he saw me2 he is a kind-hearted man1 and with all his peculiarities one cannot but respect and love him4 ,you may remember what a little oddity he was in appearance when he was in ,boston1 and ,i assure you increasing years have not at all lessened his peculiarity4 ,his face is not1 ,i think1 altered in the least2 his hair is still a bright brown1 cut as short as scissors can do it1 upon which he usually mounts a small sailor's wove hat1 from beneath the narrow rim of which his little bright1 gray eyes twinkle in a most animated manner4 ,his common dress is a pepper-and-salt frock-coat1 which has been apparently in the service many long years1 the waist of which just divides his height1 coming down to the chair when he sits2 a straight1 long waistcoat of the same materials1 and a colored neckerchief tied as tightly as possible round his little neck2 breeches of purple-corded velvet1 fastened at the knee with a little steel buckle1 white worsted stockings1 and a pair of what have been long leather gaiters1 pushed down over the ankles a la negligee4 ,fancy this little odd figure moving about as briskly as if he were a boy just loose from school1 the vivacity of his manner and looks corresponding exactly with the quickness of his motions1 and you have my little friend ,mr4 ,b----4 ,you would think all this must be ludicrous1 but it is not4 ,there is so much good sense and kind feeling about him1 and so much real benevolence in his manner towards every one1 that all his peculiarity is forgotten in a very short time4 ,he is one of the most intelligent1 entertaining men ,i ever met with1 and certainly one of the most warm-hearted4 ,he has passed a very unsettled life since he left ,america1 and is now living in a poor cottage1 quite out of the way of all society1 with no amusement but his little garden1 which he cultivates entirely himself1 and a fine library of most valuable books4 ,this is quite enough for him1 and he seems as happy and contented as possible1 because he is independent4 ,his sanctum is more like grandpa's than any ,i ever saw2 he reminds me of him in many things1 and we have talked over old times until ,i have fancied myself young again4 ,you may form some idea of my strength1 when ,i tell you ,i was yesterday tempted by the pleasure of my own company to a walk of eight miles1 and did not suspect ,i had done half of it4 ,i have indeed recovered my strength rapidly1 and do not care about the flesh4 ,i believe ,i am as well as ,i ever was1 and should forget that ,i had been ill1 were it not for certain feelings of inefficiency and reluctance to move1--the consequence of the indulgences ,i have had1 ,i presume4 ,i have indeed had enough to make a spoiled child of me1 had ,i not been one before4 ,it is no light burden upon my mind1 that ,i can do nothing to show my gratitude for all the kindness ,i have received here4 ,i do begin to dread parting for ever from all these good friends2 but do not think that any thing can efface the remembrance of what ,i owe my dearest friends at home4 ,,mary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,london1 ,may #bf1 #ahbf4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,barnard3-- ,mr4 ,bond had a letter yesterday from ,mrs4 ,b4 of ,april #bast1 in which she says you had heard of my illness at ,osmotherly4 ,i am glad to remember that you would at the same time hear of my entire recovery1 and ,i hope before this you have received other letters to tell you how complete was that recovery4 ,it is indeed overpowering to me1 when ,i look back upon the events which have taken place since ,i came to ,england4 ,how many and great have been the blessings which have attended me6 ,i staid here with ,mrs4 ,bates from the #dth to the #cjth of ,april1 seeing and doing very diligently1 and1 with ,mr4 ,paine's assistance1 examining many of the wonders and curiosities of this great place1 which ,i had not before seen4 ,i then went to ,chatham to make my farewell visit to my cousin1 ,mrs4 ,stokes1 intending to stay only a fortnight2 for ,i did not then know at what time precisely ,mr4 ,palfrey intended to embark for home1 and was making my arrangements to be ready the latter part of ,june at the farthest4 ,i was not1 however1 able to return at the time ,i intended1 for ,i was attacked very violently with spasms from being very bilious1 and the heavy doses administered by the physician kept me housed for more than a week4 ,i returned to town on ,monday last1 the #bb;d1 and came again to ,mrs4 ,bates1 as she begged me to make her house my home in ,london1 as long as ,i staid4 ,i was very much wearied with the journey1 and ,mr4 ,palfrey and ,mr4 ,bond1 who came in soon after1 thought ,i must be ill1 and may say so1 but ,i assure you ,i am not4 ,i gain strength very fast1 and1 as a proof of it1 ,i was nearly seven hours on my feet yesterday1 without food1 and not fatigued by it4 ,i shall stay here only just long enough to see the friends ,i have about ,london1 and pack up my duds for the voyage1 and then go to ,ash and ,uncle ,ben for a few days1 and thence to ,burcombe to stay as long as ,i can4 ,i feel now that my work here is finished 7that is1 all the most important part1--,i could find enough to do were ,i to stay ever so long17 and ,i assure you ,i should feel most impatient of delay beyond the time appointed4 ,mr4 ,bond brought me ,mr4 ,channing's ,review from himself2 you may believe ,i was not a little pleased that he should think of me4 ,i beg you will thank him for me4 ,how ,i shall enjoy hearing him1 if such a blessing is in store for me6 ,love to you and the household4 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,during the progress of events recorded in these different letters1 covering the space of a whole winter1 we can imagine that some anxiety was felt by friends on both sides of the water4 ,communication with remote towns and obscure hamlets1 even in ,england1 was not frequent or easy2 and across the ocean we all know how different was the correspondence then and now4 ,accordingly1 we find the deepest solicitude expressed1 and painful suspense1 in both lands4 ,the manner in which the ,english friends write shows the extent of ,mary's danger1 as well as the amount of her services and their exalted and tender estimate of her worth4 ,we are not in possession of as many letters from ,england1 relating to any period1 as we have wished to obtain2 and the few we have we hesitate to use freely1 because of their allusions to domestic incidents and persons who may be still living4 ,but abundant is the testimony1 if we need it1 to their appreciation of ,mary's character1 warm and enthusiastic their love and admiration4 ,a few sentences we take from the letters of ,mrs4 ,mc,adam1 the ',aunt ,jane' so often named1 to a friend here4 ,october1 #ahbe4 ,i have a letter this morning from our blessed ,mary1 dated the #c;d of ,october4 ,she has laid her poor cousin in the grave1 after a fortnight's illness1 during which time she appears to have been her sole nurse4 ,i dread she is doing far more than she can bear4 ,the younger of the two boys left is taken ill1 and she talks of taking him home to nurse him2 but ,i shall by this post write ,miss ,mc,adam to send for her and insist on her removal4 ,her life is of so much more consequence than any which are now left1 that ,i can no longer hesitate4 ,you1 who love her as well as ,i do1 can imagine my uneasiness4 ,rest assured1 however1 that ,i will keep you informed of every thing4 ,when she wrote1 she said she had so much to do she could not write home1 and begged me to write4 ,now1 my dear friend1 all we have to do is to rely on that ,god who orders all things for the best1 and to whom ,i constantly and ardently pray that ,he would spare and reward our and ,his own ,mary1 to guide more of us to ,him2 and ,i feel comforted when ,i rely with confidence on ,his love and wisdom4 ,she is such a blessing1 that ,i would fain hope the rest of my days may be influenced by her4 ,from the same3-- ,november1 #ahbe4 ,since ,i last wrote you1 my dear ,emma1 ,i have had various accounts from our incomparable ,mary4 ,i feel much anxiety on her account1 for which ,i have been frequently reproved by her1 whose higher feelings and better regulated judgment give her such wonderful advantage over me1 and so constantly produce in her the tranquil security of inward peace4 ,she is so excellent1 and so truly set in the midst of difficulties1 that it sometimes appears to me as if she had been graciously lent to us for our guide to that heaven which we all pretend to seek4 ,when she wrote1 she was perfectly well2 but though our friends went for her1 she would not leave for several days1 lest she should take the disease with her to ,penrith4 ,i dare not say ,i wish she were removed1 for all is assuredly for the best1 however it may appear to our imperfect minds4 ,i feel confident she is the peculiar care of the ,god she loves and serves2 but when she gets to ,penrith1 ,i know ,i shall be almost too happy4 ,her mind has taken such complete possession of my affections1 that ,i appear to myself a new creature2 ,i have totally changed since ,i became actually acquainted with her4444 ,our correspondence will not drop here1 ,i hope2 and ,i may at some future period give you a faint idea of the interest she has excited for every thing that lives and breathes her atmosphere4 ,from the letters written in ,america at this time1 to ,mary or her friends in ,england1 many touching passages might be borrowed4 ,how much is conveyed in a single fact communicated to her1 at the moment of the greatest anxiety6 ,with all their desire for your return1 nobody murmurs2 every body says it is much better for you to stay4 ,and ,mrs4 ,barnard says1 when she expressed her sorrow about it to ,dr4 ,channing1 he gave her for the only time in his life almost an angry look6 ,the writer of this passage1 when at last assured of ,mary's perfect safety after all her labors and perils1 sent her such a full1 hearty outpouring of joy and love1 that we must be pardoned for citing a part of it1 as showing the depth of the interest she awakened and the affection she secured4 ,,my ,,dearest ,,live ,,mary6-- ,the pleasure and gratitude ,i feel in the confidence ,i now have that ,i am writing to an inhabitant of this world1 you can scarcely imagine4 ,the dread ,i felt about your fate weighed upon me so heavily1 in spite of all the reasoning and hope about which ,i sedulously employed myself1 that it was a great effort to write2 and ,i fear our letters of late have not served to animate you4 ,i shall not enter upon the long history of my anxiety1 which was inwardly greater than any body's1 ,i believe1 because ,i knew more about it4 ,i will only tell you1 that a question about you was sure to damp the best spirits ,i could be in2 and if people ,i visited undertook to talk about you1 it was a signal for my call to terminate4 ,at one time1 ,i determined not to go to town till ,i heard from you1 but was induced to alter my plans1 and did go and pass a month1 doing all ,i could to be at ease1 and acting just as if ,i knew you were safe2--how you want to scold me for using that word6 as if you could be any thing but safe in the hands of your ,god1 and when you were serving him to the utmost of your power4444 ,on ,monday night1 the #acth of this month1 ,m----1 ,e---- ,b----1 and ,i found our way to ,milton ,hill in the 'evening coach4' ,the next day1 that most valued of couriers1 the milkman1 brought us a bundle from ,pearl ,street2 two letters fell out on opening it1--one from ,exeter1 the other from the ,sandwich ,isles1--a long one from ,b----1 which ,i employed all the daylight in reading4 ,would you believe me so insatiable1 when one such blessing as hearing from that distant spot of earth had been allowed8 ,i was not yet satisfied1 although we had left town but the day before2 presentiment drove me to the pile of clean clothes on the floor1 when my hand made its way through the chaos to a letter6 ,mother says it was the sense of feeling that discovered it to be yours1 for the room was quite dark4 ,i needed but half a glimmer of fire-light to show me the characters ,i had so longed and prayed to see once more4 ,i screeched1 ',mary ,pickard6' and flew to the kitchen fire to assure myself still farther2 and never1 dearest ,mary1 did ,i feel a warmer flood of joy and gratitude than when ',penrith1 #hth ,december1' convinced me you were alive and well1 and in just the hands you ought to be6 ,and when ,i came to know1 too1 that my fears had not been unfounded1 that you had so narrowly escaped1 had passed through such trying scenes1 and done more1 much more1 than almost any body ever did before1 ,i was too happy6 ,though you don't tell me so1 ,i know under such circumstances what efforts you made4 ,but you have earned the privilege of being an instrument1 in the hands of the ,all-powerful1 of good to every human being you come in contact with4 ,and when ,i knew this1 why did ,i feel so forlornly whenever ,i thought of you in that remote place1 alone1 and exposed to fatigue and illness8 ,if it had been you1 how much higher views would you have taken6 ,,emma4 ,so ended the visit to ,england4 ,how unlike most visits there6 ,it is not often that two years are spent abroad chiefly in confinement with the sick and devotion to the dying4 ,we wonder not that ,mary ,pickard thought that such employment was her destiny4 ,more appropriate does the word seem than the common term1 mission2 for that expresses too much of design and consciousness to be associated with her4 ,she projected no large plans1 or distant enterprises4 ,she simply held herself ready for the work to which she might be summoned1 abroad as well as at home1 and with an ambition as easily satisfied at home as abroad4 ,all her ministrations might seem to have been accidental1 if any thing were accidental2--the occasions sought her1 more than they were sought by her4 ,yet in some way or other the occasions were sure to appear1 and equally sure to be used4 ,nor were her charities merely those of the hand1 or of time and toil alone4 ,there was benevolence1 as well as diligence4 ,no one knew1 no one will ever know1 the amount of her direct gifts at ,osmotherly4 ,but we know1 from various sources1 that they were free and large4 ,and by no means were they restricted to her kindred4 ,there is reason to believe that the whole village shared her bounty2 in moderate measure1 of necessity1 but in decided liberality4 ,from the nature and power of the disorder1 a general panic prevailed1 aggravated by ignorance and superstition1 and followed by improvidence and want4 ,we have seen the statement1 that a large proportion of the inhabitants either perished or became helpless and a burden4 ,and when the sufferings of her own connections ceased1 by death or recovery1 ,mary went out to do what she could among the diseased and destitute generally4 ,she toiled till the alarm abated1 and aimed particularly to remove from the minds and dwellings of the people those fruitful feeders1 if not sources1 of the calamity1--superstition and uncleanness4 ,is it too much to believe1 that ,osmotherly will always feel the blessing of that ,providence which sent there the good lady8 ,it was a beautiful termination of her whole experience among that people1--whose very dialect differed so much from hers1 that they could scarcely understand her words1 but easily read her actions1--that1 when she recovered her own strength sufficiently to take a final leave of them1 the whole village came out in a body1 young and old1 and escorted her on her way4 ,,viii4 ,,new ,,relations4 ,mary ,pickard returned from ,england in the summer of #ahbf1 and was warmly welcomed by her many friends in ,boston4 ,her last home before going abroad had been at ,miss ,bent's in ,washington ,street1 where she now went1 and stayed through the fall and winter with the exception of short visits to friends in the vicinity4 ,thronged with visitors1 and occupied with business of her own which she never left to others if she could do it herself1 she had no time for large correspondence1 and we find few letters for some months4 ,but there are brief notes which show the fulness of her enjoyment and gratitude1 enhanced by the recollection of the trying scenes through which she had passed1 but which she rarely named and never magnified1 as we are assured by some who were constantly with her4 ,the mercies of the past1 more than the trials1 filled her thoughts4 ,my whole absence has been but a succession of mercies1 for which ,i could not in a long life show the gratitude ,i feel2 and this the greatest of all1 the safe restoration to my beloved home and blessed friends1--it is indeed overwhelming4 ,i have been borne through afflictive trials by that ,power which alone can enable us to bear them2 may ,i also find the same strength sufficient to keep me firm and uninjured1 amid the greater trial of prosperity and joy4 ,this was said to one of her former instructors in ,hingham1 with whom she spent a week in ,november1 reviving the memory of the first awaking of the mind to high and holy thoughts and resolves4 ,to the trial of prosperity of which she speaks1 she may have been exposed at this time1 if at any4 ,she had returned after a long absence1 in which she had accomplished all that she proposed1 and more than to most minds would have seemed possible4 ,she was again in the midst of endeared and delighted friends1 more free from care and solicitude for others than she had ever been before2 her society sought by a larger circle of devoted and admiring acquaintance1 paying her marked attention4 ,there was every thing to gratify1 and much to flatter4 ,and she was happy1 very happy1--more lively and joyous1 ,i think1 than at any time of her life1 writes an intimate friend4 ,but she did not remain long unemployed1 or live for herself4 ,she sought other objects of interest1 places and ways of laboring for those in need4 ,she took classes of poor children in more than one ,sunday school1 and visited the houses of the poor during the week2 of several families in ,sea ,street she is said to have taken particular care through that first season1 though a season crowded with engagements of friendship and society1 and occupied before its close with an unexpected and absorbing interest4 ,the last night of the year1 ,mary made one of that great congregation who listened to that discourse of ,,henry ,,ware on the ,duty of ,improvement1 which few who heard have forgotten1 and of which one hearer has said1 ,no words from mortal lips ever affected me like those4 ,we may conceive the emotions with which they were heard by her1 in whose mind religious concerns were always paramount1 and who already1 as we have reason to believe1 was compelled to feel a personal interest in the preacher4 ,for we now approach that event which is considered the crisis of a woman's life1 and which was certainly to change the whole aspect of a life that was felt to be peculiarly insulated4 ,but we may be anticipating4 ,no engagement yet existed1 and in the letter written after the services of the last night to one who was never forgotten on that occasion1 there is no allusion to new events1 unless in the close4 ,boston1 ,december #ca1 #ahbf4 ,were ,i by your side1 dearest ,n----1 ,i might be able to satisfy myself by talking2 but when ,i think of committing to paper what ,i wish to say to you1 ,i am almost discouraged1 and have a great mind to give up the attempt4 ,i do verily believe ,i should for once play truant1 and shut up my desk1 did ,i not fear1 should ,i do so1 that the ghost of the departing year would start up in visible form before me and pronounce a fearful malediction upon me for my apostasy4 ,indeed1 so wedded am ,i to old customs1 and really superstitious about the fulfilment of certain vows1 that ,i should not dare to hope for peace or prosperity for the year to come1 if ,i allowed myself to yield to the tempter4 ,when ,i look back only upon the past month1 ,i feel as if it were the work of an age to give you any idea of its interest2 and when the year1 nay1 years1 of which ,i wish to speak come in array before my mind's eye1 it is not strange that ,i know not how to begin1 or how to confine myself to the limits of a sheet of paper4 ,you know1 however1 enough of the circumstances of the past year to understand something of the feelings which this period has brought with it4 ,perhaps ,i am inclined to exaggerate the peculiarity of the events of my life1 which1 after all1 may have been no more exciting than every body meets with2 but be that as it may1 there can be no harm in magnifying the blessings4 ,and as there is more hope of attaining a high degree of excellence1 if our standard of comparison be high 7even if it be beyond our reach71 so ,i will hope that the more enlarged is our estimate of our subjects for gratitude1 the more deep and heartfelt will our gratitude be4 ,it does seem to me1 that no being can have more for which to give thanks1 than ,i have in past and present blessings2 and that no one can fall as far short as ,i do of the effect that should follow such a belief4 ,i have been reading the letter ,i was writing you at this time last year1 and it does make me tremble to the very soul1 when ,i contrast my situation now with what it then was1 to think how much is required of one1 who has been saved from such peril1 and brought back to so much good4 ,but it is in vain to attempt to tell you what ,i think or feel at this hour4 ,one idea above all the rest will rise1 and this you will join me in1--that the proofs which the experience of the past year gives of the never-ceasing1 all-sufficient care of ,god should make us look forward with perfect trust to whatever the future may bring1 without a doubt that all will be well that ,he directs1--that our weakness will be strengthened1 our fear removed1 and our spirits sustained and soothed under all trials1 if we will but rest in faith upon his almighty arm4 ,i have felt this so much1 that ,i had begun to be presumptuous1 and almost thought that no possible temptation could make me doubt its sufficiency4 ,but ,i dare not hope so much4 ,i find there are temptations of which ,i have hitherto known nothing1 and under the influence of which ,i may have to learn a new lesson4 ,it is said of ,bishop ,sewell1 who once most strangely departed from his faith1 that his fall was necessary to teach him humility1 and improve his character4 ,perhaps it may be so with me4 ,if ,i do fall1 ,i hope it may have the same good effect4 ,i have wished to-day1 as ,i often do1 that you could have an ear where mine was4 ,mr4 ,channing gave us a most useful sermon this morning upon the office of ,christ1 from the words1 ',i am the way1 the truth1 and the life4' ,mr4 ,gannett this afternoon upon the retrospect of the past1--good and solemn4 ,and this eve1 notwithstanding the violence of the snow-storm1 ,mr4 ,ware's house has been filled to overflowing1 to hear his usual address4 ,it was one of the most eloquent and impressive ,i ever heard from him2 a powerful exhortation on the necessity of ,progress1 delivered with an energy which gave it great effect4 ,i have heard but one of those discourses before this1 but ,i should think it a most profitable service4 ,the occasion is certainly one by which all who are capable of feeling seriously must be solemnly impressed2 and the great interest which is generally felt in ,mr4 ,ware gives him the power of making a good use of such a predisposition4 ,and now that it is possible that he may accept the call to ,new ,york1 his influence is greater than ever4 ,i have passed a quiet1 delightful week at ,hingham1 made my long talked of visit to ,mrs4 ,p----1 and returned on ,christmas day to be quiet at home 7if possible7 until ,i go to you2 and yet ,i ought to be stationary for a time for business' sake4 ,i need not tell you how much you have been in my thoughts during the past week1 so strongly are all the singular events which have taken place in it associated with you4 ,it has not been suffered to pass without its own special interest2 to me it has indeed been full4 ,most heartily yours1 with best wishes for the coming year4 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,the year #ahbg opened upon ,mary differently from any previous year of her life4 ,its first month was to witness the consummation of a purpose1 which could not be lightly regarded by a mind like hers4 ,strange that it can be by any6 ,yet we have such reason to fear it1 that we deem it a sufficient apology1 if any be needed1 for disclosing her own thoughts at this time more fully than might otherwise seem right4 ,sure we are of her permission1 whose conversations on the forming of a connection so often made the subject of trivial jesting were as free as they were serious4 ,by nothing earthly is the social or moral community more deeply affected than by the prevalent views of ,marriage1 and the feelings with which its momentous obligations are assumed4 ,and when there are revealed to us by death1 under that seal of sacredness which deepens our conviction of their sincerity1 such sentiments as those which ,mary ,pickard brought to this relation1 our view of duty1 and even of delicacy1 moves us to impart rather than withhold them4 ,not that we suppose them peculiar to her1 or that she has given them any remarkable expression4 ,they may be common to every right and earnest mind4 ,but various considerations prevent their being publicly presented with that personal reality which adds so much to their power4 ,thankful would all be1 and none more than those perfected spirits of which we now speak1 if the young and the mature would take exalted and sober views of the holiest and happiest relation in life4 ,mary's views were expressed to her two most intimate female friends1 the same night2 to one in a short note1 to the other more at length4 ,january #cj1 #ahbg4 ,dearest ,emma1 ,i am not willing that any other than my own pen should communicate to you the events of this day4 ,i would not that you should think it possible for me1 under any circumstances1 so far to lose my identity as to be unmindful of the feelings of one whom ,i so love2 and though it requires some effort1 ,i will do the thing with my own hand4 ,know1 then1 dear ,e41 that a change has passed over the spirit of my earthly dreams1 and1 instead of the self-dependent1 self-governed being you have known me1 ,i have learned to look to another for guidance and happiness2 and1 more than that1 have bound myself1 by an irrevocable vow1 to live for the future in the exercise of the great and responsible duties which such a connection inevitably brings with it4444 ,you need no explanation1 nor have ,i time to give any2 it would require one of our long nights to trace the rise and progress of the influences that have thus terminated4 ,at present1 the idea of the change ,i am making is so solemn1 so appalling1 that my faculties are almost paralyzed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,january #cj1 #ahbg4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,i have been sitting with this sheet before me for the last half-hour1 trying to find out in what way to begin the long and eventful story which ,i wish to convey to your mind as clearly as ,i see it in my own4 ,i am in truth hardly able to write at all1 from absolute exhaustion of body and mind1 and therefore am driven to the necessity of beginning at the end of the chapter1 lest ,i should not have time to tell the whole4 ,will it be an entire surprise to you to hear that this day has been to me the most important of my whole life1 the turning-point of existence1 the witness of my solemn and irrevocable promise to unite for the future my fate with that being1 who1 when we last met1 ,i thought was doomed to be a stranger to me for ever8 ,it seems1 indeed1 like a dream1 and yet it is true1 dreadfully true1 that ,i have taken upon myself great and unknown duties for which ,i feel incompetent1--true that ,i have gained the best blessing life can give4 ,you need no explanation to teach you the progress of this in my own mind1 for you know me well enough to read it without book1 and you may easily imagine how ,i feel at such a crisis4 ,o1 it is solemn1 it is awful1 thus to bind one's self for life6 and yet ,i am conscious my whole heart is with the act1 and my happiness intimately dependent upon it4 ,this feeling of distrust and fearfulness will soon pass away4 ,i have not been used to its interference in any case where ,i have known it was my duty to act2 it is only when we seem to have the direction of events in our own hands1 that the feeling of doubt as to what is duty weakens our confidence in our success4 ,you will say1 feeling must be the guide2 and so it must so far as this1 that we may be sure that that path is not the right one to which it does not impel2 but there is danger of its tempting to the wrong one notwithstanding1 and it cannot be safe unhesitatingly to follow its impulses4 ,mr4 ,ware goes to ,new ,york on ,thursday1 for four weeks1 to preach2 he will1 ,i suppose1 return by the way of ,northampton1 and ,i hope you will not object to a visit from him on the way4 ,but ,i must put an end to this4 ,i am in truth unable to write more4 ,yours most truly1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 ,the relation thus viewed by a ,christian woman has often one aspect1 as in the present instance1 which is thought more delicate and unapproachable than any other4 ,mary was to take the place1 not only of a wife1 but of a step-mother1--a name that should be redeemed from the inconsiderate and unjust odium to which it is commonly subjected4 ,why should that odium attach to this1 more than to all unfaithful use of the conjugal relation8 ,does not this1 the more difficult office1 exhibit proportionably as many noble wives and true mothers as the other8 ,according to the difficulty and the delicacy1 is the greatness of the trust and the merit of fidelity4 ,let honor be rendered where honor is due2 and let no vulgar prejudice or unkind prediction hide a beauty and excellence of woman that are less rare than may be supposed4 ,in aid of these thoughts1 as well as in illustration of the character we are delineating1 we are glad to be allowed to quote from two letters of ,henry ,ware himself2 the first bearing the same date as ,mary's just given1 the other written after a more intimate acquaintance4 ,they are both addressed to his sister at ,northampton1 to whom he had confided the care of his children while they were without a mother4 ,the mother whom they had lost three years before had left a void not easily filled4 ,a woman of more than common qualities and powers1 doomed for several years to more than ordinary suffering from an insidious and fatal disease1 she had still given much time to the parish1 and discharged to the last the duties of a wife and mother1 with a fidelity and affection whose loss was very grievous1 and was felt more and more by ,mr4 ,ware from the necessity of separation from his children1 and their own growing years and needs4 ,we can understand1 therefore1 the feelings with which he formed another connection1 and made it known to one who was now to resign her charge to other hands4 ,boston1 ,january #cj1 #ahbg4 ,,dear ,,sister3-- ,there is no one who will have more sincere and hearty pleasure in the tidings ,i am going to communicate than you1 or from whom ,i shall receive more sincere and affectionate congratulations4 ,i therefore lose not a moment in telling you that ,i am to build up again my family hearth1 and bring my children to their father's side1 and have a home once more4 ,with whom1 ,i need not tell you4 ,providence has thrown in my way one woman1 whose character is all that man can ask1 of a singular and exalted excellence4 ,you know how admirable she is1 and how well suited to fill the vacant place by my side4 ,she consents to do it2 and that ,i feel grateful and happy1 a privileged man1 you will not doubt4444 ,write me at ,new ,york4 ,love to you all4 ,affectionately1 ,,henry ,,ware1 ,,jr4 99 99 99 99 99 ,saturday ,evening1 ,march #c1 #ahbg4 ,,my ,,dear ,,harriet3-- ,you will not be troubled1 ,i hope1 if ,i pour out from my mind a little of the satisfaction which ,i feel1 and in which ,i am rejoicing more and more every day4 ,since my return1 the congratulations of my friends have been absolutely overpowering2 and from seeing more and more of ,miss ,pickard1 ,i am made to feel more and more grateful for the kind providence which has led me to this result4 ,you know all my feelings and views1 and the process of my mind1 and ,i shall therefore be understood by you as by nobody else4 ,it is not a common feeling which fills me2 it is something peculiar1 sacred1 as if ,i had been under a supernatural guidance1 and been made to act from pure and elevated and disinterested motives1 for the purpose of accomplishing some great good4 ,every thing is connected with the memory of the past and with my former happiness1 in such a way as not to sadden the present1 but to give to it a singular spirituality1 if ,i may so say2 and ,i feel that1 if the departed know what is transacting here1 my own ,elizabeth would congratulate me as sincerely as any of my friends4 ,i have sought for the best mother to her children1 and the best ,i have found4 ,i have desired a pattern and blessing for my parish1 and ,i have found one4 ,i have wished some one to bear my load with me1 and to help1 confirm1 and strengthen my principle by her own high and experienced piety1 and such ,i have found4 ,all these things1 meeting in one person1--,i might have looked for each alone1 but where else are they to be all found in such excellent proportions united8 ,i surveyed them with cool judgment1 and ,i shall by and by love them ardently4 ,dear ,harriet1 ,i must have somebody to pour out myself to2 so bear the infliction charitably4 ,good by4 ,yours ever lovingly4 ,,henry4 ,the character of ,mary ,pickard would not be drawn1 but one of her noblest traits be left out of view1 if we failed to speak frankly of the former affection to which ,mr4 ,ware refers1 and the memory of which she herself cherished1 at first and always4 ,she had no sympathy1 and little respect1 for that narrow view which insists that one affection must crowd out another2 that the departed and the living cannot share the same pure love of the same true heart4 ,the happiness of husband and wife and household has sometimes been impaired by a mistaken apprehension on this subject1 and a suspicion of feelings in each other which had no real existence1 or existed only from the want of mutual and free expression4 ,we have even known cruel attempts made by others to prejudice the minds of those most concerned1 and especially the children of a former mother4 ,for such attempts1 and all thoughts of the kind1 we cannot repress our indignant reproof4 ,no false delicacy should prevent the utterance of truth1 where the best affections and dearest interests are involved4 ,instead of avoiding the subject1 we are grateful for the opportunity which such characters as ,henry and ,mary ,ware give us1 of presenting the just1 generous1 and ,christian view4 ,one of her own children has said of her3 ,perhaps no one thing in her character and conduct has oftener struck common minds with surprise1 and superior ones with admiration1 than this entire freedom and frankness in regard to the first wife8 ',she was the nearest and dearest to him1' she would say1 'how1 then1 can ,i do otherwise than love her and cherish her memory8' ,and her children she received as a precious legacy2 they were to her from the first moment like her own2 neither she nor they knew any distinction4 ,we are permitted to add one other letter of ,henry ,ware1 beautifully illustrating the character of ,mary1 and showing his own large and holy view of this particular relation4 ,it was addressed to ,mrs4 ,william ,ware1 sister of that first wife the memory of whose excellence and love he so blended with the new affection4 ,may #ae1 #ahbg4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3-- ,i believe that ,i have said to you1 two or three times1 how much ,i had calculated on your long visit1 as a means of making you and ,miss ,pickard well acquainted4444 ,and ,i am not sure that ,i should have said even as much as this1 were it not for one circumstance1 which has given me a satisfaction that ,i never had hoped to enjoy1 and which will be increased by imparting it to you4 ,i have known so much of the selfishness of human love1 and heard so much of the sensitiveness with which women are apt to regard a former affection1 that ,i had not dared to hope that ,i ever should be able to speak as ,i feel of former days1 and the memory of my earliest love4 ,yet1 as ,i longed to cherish it1 and as all my present plans and feelings are interwoven with the thoughts and images of the past1 it would have been an exceeding pain to me to feel that there was any reserve1 or any of that--,i don't know what to call it--which would compel me to hide such feelings1 and seem not to have them4 ,i cannot tell you1 then1 how happy ,i have been in finding ,miss ,pickard entirely above all mean and selfish feelings1 which ,i have supposed to be so common4 ,she enters into my views1 and we have talked freely of other days2 and she helps to keep me right by speaking of the pleasant impressions she used to receive from ,elizabeth's character1 and what she has heard of her4 ,i wish ,i could go into particulars4 ,so unexpected a communication between us has been a source of gratification to me unspeakably great2 and ,i do not know when ,i have felt more truly exalted and spiritualized1 than when1 after such a conversation which has freed us from every selfish and earthly feeling1 we have knelt down together and prayed for blessing from that world1 where1 ,i feel sure1 if the departed regard those whom they left behind1 there is no sorrow or displeasure at the course ,i am pursuing4 ,i take pleasure in telling you this1 because nothing can or shall divide me from you1 or lessen that feeling in which ,i have so long regarded you as one of the nearest1 the very nearest1 to me2 and ,i long that all who are near to me should be so to you4 ,best love to you1 and all happiness with you and yours4 ,till ,i see you1 adieu4 ,yours1 ,,henry4 ,immediately after her engagement1 ,mary visited her friend in ,worcester2 and from that place we find a very long letter1 relating more to others than to herself1 written in a cheerful mood1 but showing how deep and sober had been her meditations on the change that was before her1 of which she writes more fully in the first letter after her return to ,boston4 ,worcester1 ,february #ah1 #ahbg4 ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i have been hunting round the room to find a small sheet of paper upon which to do the pretty thing1 and pay a troublesome debt4 ,but my search has been in vain1 so ,i have e'en changed the object of my pen1 and determined to let it follow the dictates of my inclination1 in covering a sheet of ,grandpa ,mc,adam's ',bristol-best' with such lines and scratches as it may be impelled to make2 nothing doubting but its impulses will give you some satisfaction1 if they go no further than the expression of the sincere sympathy felt with you by your friends here1 in your present state of joyful excitement4 ,i do indeed rejoice with you in your happiness at the return of your brother2 and you may be assured ,i am joined in this by the whole household4 ,although ,i have never known from experience what are the precise feelings you may have1 ,i think ,i can enter into them at all times4 ,and now1 whether it is that my mind is more than usually attuned to joy1 or whether it is more interested for you than it ever has been in similar cases with respect to others1 ,i know not2 but sure ,i am1 that ,i never felt so much before1 or seemed to myself so wholly awake to the feelings and interests of my friends1 as at this moment4 ,you must enjoy a great deal in the next few months1 and ,i know you will not let so much cause for gratitude pass without its full effect4 ,it has always seemed to me a most humiliating fact1 that so much suffering should be necessary to teach us our dependence4 ,why should we not be equally taught by the blessings which are bestowed upon us1 that we are and have nothing but as ,he wills it to be2 and does it not seem a natural effect of such testimonies of love1 to draw our hearts towards a ,being who is so good to us8 ,let us at least1 dear ,emma1 prove that it may have this influence4 ,nancy is very well1 and bright and happy2 and could ,i drive away from her a foolish feeling of a parting visit which hangs upon her mind1 and fills her eyes whenever she speaks to me1 we should be in a very merry key4 ,as it is1 however1 we enjoy much1 for ,i have much to tell her of the adventures of the last three years1 which takes her away from the present2 and she is at heart so truly satisfied and happy1 that we cannot get up any thing like real melancholy4 ,i wish indeed1 with you1 that ,i could attain something of your animation1 and for a longer period than that you prescribe2 for ,i do not hold it in such contempt as you do4 ,it might not1 perhaps1 add to my individual happiness1 for it seems to me ,i am as happy as mortal can be2 but ,i do feel sure it would give me the means of communicating more pleasure to others1 and this could not fail to increase my own4 ,i have always considered that buoyancy of spirit of which you speak as a great and valuable gift2 perhaps ,i have exaggerated its power1 as we are apt to do every thing in which we are deficient4 ,but its effects in chasing away the vapors which will sometimes gather1 almost without cause1 around the feelings of even the best and happiest1 are not to be questioned1 and are in my view of great worth4 ,my happiest moments have always been my quietest1 and this does little for others' comfort4 ,i have in a great measure overcome the solemnity which oppressed me when ,i saw you2 and were you only here1 ,i think ,i could join with you in one of your merry laughs1 as gayly as you could desire4 ,i do indeed wish you were here4 ,you were right in thinking that one of my letters was from cousin ,jane2 the other was from ,aunty1 quite a happy one1 not one complaint1 and directed by the 'little ,doctor1'--so ,i conclude he is in the land of the living4 ,jane writes in good spirits2 all things there in a better state than usual4 ,yours truly1 ,m4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,march #bj1 #ahbg4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,were ,i near you1 it would be an unspeakable relief to pour forth to you1 for every moment is so filled with constantly increasing interest1 that at times ,i am oppressed and overpowered as ,i do not like to be2 and there are moments when doubt and distrust of myself so entirely possess me1 that ,i feel almost tempted to doubt my right to undertake what ,i have4 ,my mind is slow in all its processes1 you know1 and in this matter it seems to me more slow than is common1 it may be from the magnitude of the change2 but certain it is1 ,i have suffered more1 and labored more to bring myself into the right state1 than ,i ever did in my life in the same time4 ,my cause for happiness is increasing every day1 and this tempts me to dwell too exclusively upon concerns connected with self4 ,i am seeing daily more and more of the immense responsibility under which ,i am placing myself1 and feeling more and more my own incapacity1 and this tempts me to be anxious and doubtful4 ,i am understanding more of what might be done in the station ,i am to fill1 and this makes me ambitious to satisfy all who will look to me with hope4 ,o1 if ,i could feel as ,i should1 that if ,i do my utmost with my whole heart1 from the right motive1 ,i shall gain that approbation which should be the first object of my desire1 be my efforts successful or not6 ,but ,i am getting to depend too much upon the approbation of those ,i love4 ,in one respect1 this new and strong and satisfying interest is not having the influence ,i feared2 instead of engrossing1 absorbing1 and making me selfish1 excluding all other interests1 it seems to enlarge the capacity of affection4 ,i feel warmed more than ever towards every living being whom ,i ever loved4 ,and it has done much towards exalting and enlightening my mind upon the point which has been a greater trial to me than any thing ,i ever met with4 ,i mean1 it has made me more willing to leave the world1 and enjoy the happiness of heaven1 than ,i ever thought ,i should be4 ,strange that the thing from which1 of all others1 ,i should have expected the very opposite effect1 should have done this6 ,i have been through all the forms and ceremonies of 'introduction1' very quietly4 ,i have been to ,cambridge1 and the family have been here2 and1 better than that1 ,i have laid siege to the venerable ,doctor in his study1 and had a most delightful conversation of nearly two hours in length2 which made me feel that ,i was not a little privileged1 to have any claim1 however small1 upon his interest4444 ,i wish you could have heard ,mr4 ,channing this morning on the ',glory of ,jesus ,christ'2 it was one of his highest flights4 ,we have great preaching now-a-days from many quarters4 ,yours ever the same1 ,,mary4 ,the marriage of the ,rev4 ,,henry ,,ware1 ,jr4 and ,,mary ,l4 ,,pickard took place at the house of ,miss ,bent in ,boston1 on the #aath of ,june1 #ahbg1 ,dr4 ,gannett uniting and blessing them4 ,they were absent a fortnight1 journeying to ,new ,york and ,northampton2 and then returned to ,boston with the two children1 and entered upon their new home in ,sheafe ,street1 at the ,north ,end4 ,and there began a new life1--to ,mary wholly new1 and intensely busy4 ,she gave herself up to all its duties1 at once and unreservedly4 ,of her standard of duty we know something already2 and they who also know the demands of a large parish upon a minister's wife1 who resolves not only to make her house free and pleasant to all who will enter it1 but also to share all of her husband's labors for which she is competent1 can form an idea of what ,mary found to do4 ,mrs4 ,ware1 at home and abroad1 was the busiest woman of my acquaintance1 is the reason given by one of her female friends for not seeking her society as much as she desired4 ,it will be remembered that she began with a family1 as well as parish1 and that the duty of a mother was one which she held very sacred1 and would never slight for any other4 ,but we will let her tell the story of her first labors1 as she does in a letter to ,mrs4 ,hall1 at ,northampton1 who had had the care of the children1 and another to ,mrs4 ,paine4 ,we ought to say of these1 and all the letters to be offered1 that they are not given as recording great events or rare qualities1 but simply for what they are1--expressions of the daily thought and domestic life of a conscientious woman1 in common relations and quiet duty4 ,boston1 ,july #bj1 #ahbg4 ,,dear ,,harriet3-- ,you will be glad1 ,i know1 to hear from my own pen how we all prosper1 and ,i sincerely wish ,i had time enough to tell you all ,i wish you to know of my various arrangements and avocations1 hopes and fears1 wishes and successes4 ,of the latter ,i cannot boast much2 ,i am1 however1 much delighted to find that many things which ,i expected would perplex me1 and take more time and thought than ,i should be willing to give them1 do not trouble me in the least degree1--such as household affairs1 eating1 drinking1 and keeping matters moving methodically4 ,i did not1 to be sure1 indulge anxiety about it1 as from my utter ignorance ,i had some reason to do2 but ,i did not suppose it possible that such a young novice could be inducted into the important station of housekeeper without suffering for a time a degree of martyrdom4 ,but thus far ,i get on easily1 and hope to learn by experience sufficient to meet future wants4 ,my parish matters have gone on so far just as ,i wished4 ,i gave up all last week to receiving visitors1 and they came in just the manner ,i wished1 morning1 noon1 or evening1 as might be most convenient to themselves4 ,it was the best way for me1 for it gave me a better opportunity of getting acquainted with their looks1 and they seemed to like it very much themselves4 ,i am at liberty now1 but prefer staying at home1 and still have enough to do to say ',welcome' to my friends4 ,but this is all play-work in comparison with the other duties that belong to my lot4 ,they are just what ,i knew they would be1--most delicate1 most difficult1 for one so utterly ignorant2 but ,i see the difficulties1 and do not find them greater than ,i have always known they would be2 am neither discouraged nor faint-hearted1 but hope and trust that power will yet be granted for all exigencies4 ,i do not find myself as much discomposed by the task as ,i expected1 considering ,i have had so little to do with children4 ,but ,i do feel the importance of the relation in which ,i stand to them more deeply1 more oppressively1 than ,i could have conceived1 and ,i am more than ever certain that ,i have a great deal to learn1 and a long work before me4 ,do let me hear from you sometimes2 we may not have much communication at present1 but1 as the ,quaker said1 'we can meditate on each other4' ,i beg you to understand that ,i consider myself one whose lot has more than a common share of blessing1 and daily and hourly do ,i thank ,god for guiding me to this pleasant path4 ,i find ,i shall realize all you promised me of comfort1 and much more too4 ,yours in sincerity4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,july #bb1 #ahbg4 ,,dear ,,nancy3-- ,your letter was given me this morning in meeting1 and has just been read in one of the few quiet moments which fall to my lot1 and one of the most peaceful and refreshing2 and ,i am rejoiced to add to its pleasure1 by turning to my little table and writing to you4 ,i have indeed longed to give you a peep into my almost too delightful home2 but it has been entirely beyond possibility to find an opportunity to write4 ,how much ,i wish you could look in upon us1 and see the whole detail of affairs from ,monday morning to ,saturday night1 and that still more delightful season1 the holy ,sabbath1 ,i need not tell you4 ,but ,i fear you will never fully understand it1 unless you can make yourself invisible and come among us4444 ,we came on in the same stage1 next day1 and found all in readiness1 perfect readiness1 for us2 and made so1 too1 by the efforts of our friends1 which added not a little to the comfort4 ,the ladies of the parish would not let ,miss ,b---- hire workwomen1 but came and did things with their own hands4 ,all looked more comfortable and neat and appropriate than ,i expected1 as ,i had picked matters up with no small degree of carelessness4 ,miss ,b---- and ,mrs4 ,b---- were on the spot to receive us2 and oh6 ,nancy1 to enter one's own home1 in which was to be known all of experience which might be hid in the future1--to come to it1 too1 as ,i did1 after so long floating on a changeful sea1--and to come to it under all the interesting circumstances of grateful joy and fearful responsibilities1--it was a moment not to be described or forgotten4 ,h---- told you of our ,sunday4 ,the transfer to a new place of worship was trying and affecting2 but ,i forgot the people1 and did not suffer because every eye in the house might be directed towards me4 ,i need not add1 that the excitement in church is much more than it ever was to me1 though not what it will be when ,i am more at home there4 ,sunday gave me truly the rest of the soul4 ,i arranged that it should be a quiet day4 ,we prepared dinner on ,saturday1 and locked up the house2 ,mr4 ,ware in his study after breakfast1 and the children with me1 reading and studying4 ,they were easily interested1 and1 the excitement of common days being removed1 they were more as ,i wished1 and gave me much pleasure4 ,so it was at noon2 and at night they go to their father1 and ,i have my own hour of peaceful thought4 ,and then in the evening we are all together1 talking or reading or singing4 ,it is realizing so exactly what ,i have always wished to have the day1 and what ,i never before knew1 that ,i enjoy it doubly4 ,a friend1 perhaps1 drops in and joins our singing4 444 ,all classes have come to see me1 even the poorest1 and seem quite disposed to be pleased4 ,i have said distinctly that ,i wish ours to be entirely a social intercourse1 and they take me at my word4 ,i have not told you of my own private joys1 nor can ,i in this little space4 ,that they are great1 immensely great1 you can believe2 and even with the ----4 ,august #af4 ,here ,i was interrupted more than a fortnight ago1 and do not now remember what was to have been the close of the sentence4 ,i might add1 that ,i feel it happy for me1 that1 with all these blessings and pleasant circumstances1 ,i have so much of responsibility and anxiety as will effectually prevent my head being turned by it4 ,but ,i have not room for further detail4 ,yours ever4 ,,mary4 ,the sense of responsibility just referred to might be called one of ,mary's characteristics4 ,and it had this peculiarity1 if no other1 that she felt it to be a blessing rather than a burden4 ,indeed1 in cases where others would speak1 as almost all do speak1 of the burden of responsibility1 she used the other and brighter word4 ,as1 at this time1 she said1 in a note to a friend1--,my fate is a singular one in this respect1--that1 whatever may be the variety of the scene1 it is always filled with the extremes of blessing and responsibility2 and ,i know not that ,i ever felt more fully the blessing of responsibility than now4 ,had ,i not great and almost overpowering duties and cares1 my head would almost of necessity be dizzy with the bright prospect before me4 ,as it is1 ,i rejoice with a serious1 but most grateful spirit1--a sober bliss certainly1 but not the less valuable4 ,there was one utterance of her sober bliss of which we have not spoken as we might1 for it was habitual with her through life4 ,we refer to her love of singing1 and her use of sacred hymns in the family1 which began1 as we have seen1 with the first ,sabbath in her new home1 and1 as we are to see1 ended only with life4 ,one who lived with her just before her marriage tells us how much she indulged and enjoyed in this devotional1 but cheerful melody1 for it seemed in her to be truly singing hymns of praise4 ,she would sing after withdrawing for the night1 at the close of the busiest and most distracting days2 and sometimes1 after having actually retired1 she would think of a charming tune1 always selecting the most beautiful words1 and joined by ,miss ,k----1 they would enjoy an hour in this way4 ,distinct are the echoes which linger in many hearts still1 from her soft and expressive voice1--the voice of the soul6 ,the biographer of ,henry ,ware says that the year of which we are speaking1 that which followed this second marriage1 was one of the most active1 and also1 to all human appearance1 one of the most successful1 of his ministry4 ,it was marked by the efficiency of his labors1 increased attention to his preaching1 a growing congregation1 and many proofs of favor with the community in general4 ,he repeated1 that winter1 and enlarged1 his ,lectures on the ,geography of ,palestine2 and1 beside his ,bible class and vestry service1 his house was open to his parish every ,tuesday evening for social intercourse and religious conversation4 ,in this last1 as in other parochial ways1 ,mrs4 ,ware was an efficient helper4 ,nothing could be more to her taste1 or in unison with her best powers1 nothing certainly could contribute more to her deepest joys1 than this whole manner of life4 ,if we may not believe that she was reserved for this very position1 we may confidently say that she could have filled no other with more ease1 more energy1 or happier results4 ,we attempt no enumeration of the relations and offices in which she endeavored to serve her husband's society1 or the larger community4 ,boston is not more remarkable for its noble charities1 than for the noble women who find sphere and activity enough in devising or directing so many of those charities4 ,mrs4 ,ware sought no publicity or distinction in these movements1 and was less prominent1 perhaps less efficient1 than many others4 ,comparisons she seldom attempted1 and never made them a rule of conduct4 ,her rule seems to have been1 to refuse no service asked of her for which she was competent1 if it interfered not with any duty to her family or parish4 ,from the opportunities she had enjoyed and improved1 when abroad1 of visiting various charitable institutions1 she was frequently consulted in regard to them1 and she sent to ,england for plans and hints4 ,she was a directress of a ,charity ,sewing ,school2 and always regretted that sewing was not taught in the public schools1 and made essential to a complete education with every class4 ,in all her views and efforts there was that practical good sense1 which is better than the best theories or brightest abstractions4 ,yet she did not despise theory and abstraction1 nor suppose that either she or her own generation had learned all there was to be learned4 ,indeed1 we use no great boldness in saying1 that1 without the slightest tendency to reckless innovation or foolish experiment1 there never was man or woman more interested in reform1 or anxious for progress1 or fearless for truth1 than ,henry and ,mary ,ware4 ,of ,mary's ideas of the reward which the benevolent and the good should desire1 an amusing illustration has been given us by one who heard the remark at the time4 ,a motion being made in a charitable ,society for a vote of thanks for the minister's prayer1 ,mrs4 ,ware said to a lady near her1 ,while ,i was secretary of the ,society for the ,employment of ,female ,poor1 ,i never recorded votes of thanks4 ,i thought members should do all they could1 and when that was done1 they might make their courtesy to each other6 ,in ,march1 #ahbh1 ,mrs4 ,ware1 after the labors and anxieties of the first winter1 made a visit to ,mrs4 ,hall in ,northampton1 where she wrote her first letter to her husband1 containing expressions whose full import we cannot know1 but whose intimations of self-distrust and increasing sense of responsibility many will understand4 ,northampton1 ,march #ai1 #ahbh4 ,,dear ,,henry3-- ,no letter from you yesterday2 but ,i did not expect one1 knowing that ,saturday and ,sunday are busy days4 ,i feel sure of one to-day1 however1 and while waiting its arrival with all the patience ,i can summon1 ,i cannot please myself better than by talking a little to you2 and if ,i am willing to believe that in this1 as in many other matters1 our tastes may correspond1 pity my delusion1 but do not destroy it1--it is the brightest dream of life to me4 ,i find it is a very different thing to be lone ,polly ,pickard1 beating about the world1 conscious that it could not interfere with any one's comfort or convenience if she were out of it1 and to call myself ,mary ,ware1 with all the appendages which belong to her1--the cares and comforts1 the duties and privileges1 from which she cannot disconnect herself4 ,it is almost incredible to me that a short year should have made one who was before utterly reckless of danger so careful and cautious1--,i had almost said1 anxious4 ,and1 oh6 what a lesson it has taught me6 ,i thought ,i was deeply sensible of my danger2 ,i thought ,i realized fully the strength of the temptation which assailed me to rest satisfied with my earthly blessings1 and to depend upon them entirely for my happiness4 ,but this little separation has shown me the state of my mind in a truer light than ,i ever saw it before1 and compelled me to confess1 with deep sorrow1 that my trial was greater than ,i could bear4 ,i had borne sorrow and deprivation1 loneliness and calumny1 unmoved1 erect1 fearless1--but had sunk before the greater trial of satisfied affection4 ,may this knowledge do me real good6 ,and if it should please our kind ,father to restore us to each other1 let us strive with greater zeal to conquer this enemy4 ,while we rejoice1 as we must1 in the blessings of ,his providence in calling us together1 may we use our comforts without so abusing them as shall make them instruments of evil instead of good to our souls4 ,do not think ,i am nervous or inclined to croak4 ,i am perfectly well1 and while ,i look at these things seriously1 ,i feel a cheerful courage to contend manfully1 nothing doubting that strength will be given in aid of all right effort1 and that all these trials1 if rightly used1 will be so many additional aids in attaining that heavenly-mindedness which alone can satisfy4 ,all blessings attend you1 dearest ,henry4 ,all send love4 ,your own ,,mary4 ,expressions of self-distrust and extreme discouragement seem strangely unintelligible to many minds1 when they come from those who are thought better than others1 and are always striving and advancing4 ,yet these are the very persons to feel discouraged1 because of the high mark they set for themselves4 ,and the fact that they are thought better than others1 with their keen insight of their own failings1 is more apt to mortify and depress than to exalt the humble and earnest spirit4 ,never1 perhaps1 was ,henry ,ware doing more for others or himself than in the winter and spring of the year we are reviewing4 ,yet in a letter to his wife1 written a few weeks after that which we just gave from her1 we find the expression of a dissatisfaction with himself1 even greater than hers4 ,it was written on his birthday1 and shows also his sense of the great blessing which the last year had brought him4 ,i never yet was satisfied with my mode of life for one year1--perhaps ,i may except one4 ,but since that ,i have been growing worse and worse4 ,i did think soberly1 that1 when ,i was settled down with you1 ,i should turn over a new leaf2 and ,i began2 but1 by foolish degrees1 ,i have got back to all my accustomed carelessness and waste of powers1 and am doing nothing in proportion to what ,i ought to do4 ,yet other people tell me ,i do a great deal1 and ,i am stupid enough to take their judgment instead of my own4444 ,these1 dear ,mary1 are the morning reflections with which ,i open my thirty-fifth year4 ,will the year be any better for them8 ,i hope so1 but ,i fear not2 for ,i do not feel the weight and solemnity of these considerations as they ought to be felt4 ,different1 indeed1 from the anticipations of either did the opening year prove4 ,the season which had been the first of ,mary's cooperation with ,mr4 ,ware1 was the last of his active service as a pastor4 ,he had overtasked his energies1 and that change was impending which affected the whole of their remaining work in life4 ,on his return from ,northampton1 where he had been preaching1 in the month of ,may1 #ahbh1 he was arrested at ,ware by a violent fever1 which was followed by extreme prostration1 and confined him there several weeks4 ,his wife was in ,boston1 and in a state of health that made travelling neither easy nor wholly safe4 ,but she wrote so persuasively to the physician for leave to join her husband1 that it could not be refused1 and she was soon at his side4 ,under date of ,june #afth1 she writes from ,ware3 ,how grateful and happy ,i am1 to be here6 ,all the few feelings of doubt about the expediency of the jaunt1 which others' fears forced upon my notice1 have vanished1 and my own strong convictions that it was best have become perfect certainty4 ,with the unspeakable satisfaction of being with my husband1 so unexpected to him1 and scarcely hoped for by me1 what can there be to dread which can be a balance for such blessings8 ,as soon as ,mr4 ,ware was well enough1 they went on to ,worcester1 where they remained six weeks4 ,and there1 on the #acth of ,july1 ,mrs4 ,ware's first child was born2 a son1 who lived but few years1 yet long enough to leave a deep impression of beauty and promise4 ,toward the last of ,august1 ,mr4 ,ware set out alone on a horseback journey for his health1 riding through ,new ,hampshire and ,vermont to ,montreal and ,quebec1 and returning in ,october4 ,during the first part of this interval1 his wife and infant child were at lodgings in ,newton1 where her next letter is dated1 referring in the opening to a poetical epistle which she had received from her husband4 ,that epistle1 as published at length in the ,memoir of ,mr4 ,ware1#c many will remember2 but its tenderness1 and its allusions to their common experience at this period1 will furnish an excuse1 if we insert a part of it1 as a preface to the letter which follows4 ,dear ,mary1 't is the fourteenth day ,since ,i was parted from your side2 ,and still upon my lengthening way ,in solitude ,i ride2 ,but not a word has come to tell ,if those ,i left at home are well4 ,i am not of an anxious mind1 ,nor prone to cherish useless fear2 ,yet oft methinks the very wind ,is whispering in my ear1 ,that many an evil may take place ,within a fortnight's narrow space4 ,but no1--a happier thought is mine2 ,the absent1 like the present scene1 ,is guided by a ,friend ,divine1 ,who bids us wait1 serene1 ,the issues of that gracious will1 ,which mingles good with every ill4 ,and who should feel this tranquil trust ,in that ,benignant ,one above-- ,who ne'er forgets that we are dust1 ,and rules with pitying love-- ,like us1 who both have just been led ,back from the confines of the dead8 ,then1 dearest1 present or apart1 ,an equal calmness let us wear2 ,let steadfast ,faith control the heart1 ,and still its throbs of care4 ,we may not lean on things of dust1-- ,but ,heaven is worthy all our trust4 ,footnote #c3 ,memoir of ,henry ,ware1 p4 #bbj4 99 99 99 99 99 ,newton1 ,september #ac1 #ahbh4 ,thank you1 dearest1 for the pleasure your good long letters have given me2 and if ,i am the more pleased that you called your ,muse to aid you in my behalf1 ,i hope it is one of the pardonable weaknesses of womankind1 and trust your vanity will not take the alarm lest ,i should undervalue your own unassisted powers of pleasing4 ,it is indeed a great and unceasing source of delight to me1 that1 although separated externally in our way1 our thoughts1 our spirits1 are pursuing the same course1 and we may meet in meditation and prayer1 sure that the same feelings of gratitude and trust are ever present to us both4 ,i thought much of this1 last ,sunday1 when ,i made my first attempt to attend public worship4 ,i had felt a great desire to go to meeting upon that day1 being the eighth week from the birth of my child2 and1 moreover1 because the first ,sunday in ,september has been a memorable day to me every year since #ahac4 ,i did not attempt it in the morning1 but in the afternoon rode over to hear ,mr4 ,wallcut at the ,upper ,falls4 ,i had felt well and strong at home1 but it was quite too much for me2 my mind was too weak to bear it quietly4 ,the reflection upon all that had passed since ,i last entered the house of ,god1 which was forced upon me at one view1 was indeed overwhelming4 ,i could scarcely control myself sufficiently to join in the services4 ,i longed to put every one out of the house1 that ,i might prostrate myself bodily1 and ,i did mentally1 before that ,being whose goodness had brought me to that hour4 ,i did indeed think much of you2 and there was a high and holy satisfaction in the idea that you were at the same time employed in the same way2 and although all was uncertainty with regard to you1 ,i doubted not1 that1 whether on earth or in heaven1 ,i might safely rely upon this4 ,how did ,i rejoice in that faith which could remove from me all anxiety and fear concerning you1 which could enable me so calmly to suffer you to go from me for such a length of time1 notwithstanding the very many uncertainties which must belong to your situation4 ,i sometimes wonder at the peace which pervades my mind1 but ,i know ,i have a right to feel it2 it has its basis upon an immovable foundation4 ,mr4 ,wallcut gave us a very useful1 solemn discourse1 and ,i was strengthened by the service1 and not injured by the excitement4 ,heaven bless you6 ,your own ,,mary4 ,in ,september1 ,mrs4 ,ware returned to their own house in ,boston1--that house in which she had been so happy1 and to which she hoped soon to welcome her husband back again1 in restored health4 ,she writes at once4 ,sheafe ,street1 ,september #bf1 #ahbh4 ,here we are1 dear ,henry1 as comfortable as you could wish1 in our own dear house1 more grateful and happy than ,i could easily describe1 every thing looking just as if we had not been away4 ,never did the place look more comfortable1--,i had almost said1 beautiful2--,i will say so1 for there were so many delightful associations with it that it possessed a moral beauty1 if ,i may say so1 exceeding any other it could have had4 ,i feel finely1 and am sure ,i am as able to do all that is necessary as ,i ever was4 ,it is not necessary just now that ,i should make any violent efforts2 there is no call for it4 ,elizabeth is with me1 as happy as a child can be2 and the 'young rogue' likes his home so well that he has turned over a new leaf at once1 and ,i believe means to behave well4 ,all we want now is your presence1 and that ,i trust we shall have in the right time4 ,o1 how willing does all this experience make one to leave all things in ,his hands1 who has brought us through such troubled waters so safely1 so joyfully6 ,i have gained since ,sunday2 at least1 ,i have none of the confused feeling ,i then had1 which made me fear my head was too light for ,boston4 ,it is getting home1 ,i believe2 home and its peacefulness are the best restoratives4 ,i trust you will find it so4 ,i shall walk a little every day1 and call first on those in affliction and the sick2 there are but few1 astonishingly few1 for the time2 none that you have not heard of1 ,i believe4 ,peace be with you1 dearest6 ,your ,,mary4 ,mr4 ,ware did return to ,sheafe ,street in ,october1 but not to remain4 ,his health was not restored2 he could not resume his pastoral duties1 and he was not willing to remain in ,boston and among his people unemployed4 ,a friend's house in ,brookline was kindly offered them1 and early in ,november they took leave--as it proved1 a final leave--of their parish1 and of that house where they had passed but a single year1 yet one of the happiest of their lives4 ,in the mind and memory of both of them1 that abode seems to have been invested with peculiar interest4 ,they have been heard to speak of the ,eden of ,sheafe ,street4 ,their children always revert to it with a tender fondness2 and1 beside theirs1 there are many eyes that fill with tears even now1 as they look back upon the happy hours and blessed influences enjoyed there1 in their pastor's home4 ,and she who helped to make that home what it was to pastor and people1 loved to the last to live over again that precious season1 though to her crowded with peculiar cares and trembling responsibilities4 ,they remained in ,brookline that winter4 ,in the spring of #ahbi1 ,mr4 ,ware virtually resigned his pastoral charge1 and a colleague pastor was chosen1 while a new professorship was planned for him in the ,divinity ,school at ,cambridge4 ,at the same time1 he was urged by generous friends1 who offered the means1 to go first with his wife to ,europe1 for entire rest and the recovery of his health4 ,this unexpected opportunity he felt it right to use4 ,and his wife1 who was herself not well1 thus speaks of it to ,mrs4 ,paine1 in a letter of several dates3-- ,brookline1 ,december #ca1 #ahbh4 ,,my ,,dear1 ,,kind ,,friend3-- ,i have been for a long time prohibited from using my eyes1 or should ere this have despatched to you the epistle which for many a weary week has been prepared in my brain for you2 and now being still under the same interdict1 ,i can only venture to remind you that there is still in existence the same old friend1 who has been wont upon this eve to pour forth to you a copious stream of egotism1 who never longed for the time to come when she might do so1 more than at this present2 but who1 for the trial of her patience1 must lay aside her pen1 and1 wishing you every blessing1 wait until she is at liberty to use her eyes to say more4 ,january #bc4 ,although still unable to use my eyes without suffering1 ,i am strongly tempted1 by an empty house and an unoccupied hour1 to renew1 in some small measure1 the intercourse which has so long ceased between us1 and cannot help seating myself1 pen in hand1 to give you a few moments4 ,i have---- ,march #cj4 ,i was interrupted by company at the above pauses2 and since then1 dear ,n----1 what a revolution in the state of things around me6 ,it seems like a dream that ,i am again on the eve of departure for ,europe4 ,it is indeed a dream from which ,i should like to awake2 and yet ,i am so sure that it is right to do just what we are doing1 that the spirit faints not1 nor even falters4 ,i do not1 indeed1 dare to think1 but have busied myself in visiting my parish1 and do not fear but that power will be given4 ,yet1 dear ,n----1 what a lot is mine6 ,surely ,i ought to be better for all this various blessing4 ,ever yours4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 ,in closing the first and only year of ,mary ,ware's parish life1 we remember that it was also the first year of her married life1 and an immediate entrance upon the office of a mother4 ,to her views of this office we have already referred1 but have feared to say all we know to be true of her discharge of its duties4 ,there is a veil which we may not raise1 a sanctuary which none can enter4 ,yet it is due to her and to her children1--it is due to the greatness of a trust whose difficulties all see1 but few estimate kindly1--to speak of the glowing filial love1 the reverent and grateful obligation1 expressed by those who were permitted to call her mother1 and whose sense of indebtedness grows with their days4 ,by the exercise of a sound discretion in exigencies unavoidable and seldom allowed for1--by freedom of intercourse through the day1 and prayer and blessing at night1--by a tenderness that made counsel always kind and discipline never disheartening1--in a word1 by a yearning affection which has caused a start and regret at any allusion to her not being their own mother1 she took possession of their hearts for life2 and her death called forth1 in the simple words of one1 the unutterable sentiment of both1--,surely ,god never gave a boy such a mother1 or a man such a friend4 ,,ix4 ,,european ,,tour4 ,on the #ast of ,april1 #ahbi1 ,mrs4 ,ware sailed from ,boston1 with her husband1 in the ship ,dover1 for ,liverpool4 ,one of the older children was left at board and in school1 the other in ,mr4 ,william ,ware's family1 in ,new ,york2 while the infant was confided to ,mr4 ,ware's sister1 ,mrs4 ,lincoln1--an arrangement that relieved the mother of anxiety1 as far as was possible with any separation4 ,but no parent will need to be told what she must have suffered1 at best1 in leaving behind her her first babe1 not a year old1 to cross the ocean and go into distant lands for an indefinite time1 with a sick husband on whose restoration or return no calculation could be made4 ,yet we see in her not a moment's hesitation1 we hear from her no expression of doubt or the least despondence4 ,physicians and judicious friends advised the step1 her husband's health and power of usefulness1 if not his life1 might depend upon it2 and this was enough1 even if her own judgment had differed1 as we have no reason to think it did4 ,it was a feature of her mind very prominent1 as it must be of every well-balanced mind1 that she never suffered herself to be tortured with doubts or fears for the future when the present duty was clear1 and never lamented that she had done that which seemed right and best1 whatever the issue4 ,as she writes1 on one occasion1 of her own habits of mind and long experience3--,there is no one thing that has been more important to my comfort1 under any result of my plans1 than the consciousness that they were decided upon after a full and careful deliberation of all other possible plans1 and a calm judgment concerning them all4 ,then ,i felt ,i had done all that poor human nature could do2 the rest was in ,god's hands1--it was all in ,god's hands4 ,i was satisfied that this decision was in the order of his providence1 and1 come what might1 ,i could never regret it1 or spend one vain1 impious wish that ,i had taken another course4 ,but1 in order to make this decision satisfactory1 ,i have always desired to know the whole truth1 and be convinced that ,i had a perfect view of the whole case in hand2 and have sought suggestions from others1 not for my guidance1 but that ,i might be sure ,i had deliberated upon all the varieties of plan which could be thought of4 ,this principle was now to be put to a severe test1 the severest1 perhaps1 of her whole life4 ,we have seen what she did1 and what she suffered1 in her former visit abroad4 ,totally different were the circumstances now1 but none of them such as to make the trial less4 ,then she had been alone as a traveller1 and also alone as to all exposure and peril4 ,now she was to feel and fear for the one most dear to her in life1 one who was ill able to bear the fatigues and discomforts to which he must be subjected1 and whom neither his own faith nor her serenity could keep from depression and discouragement4 ,through the whole period of their absence1 which proved to be a year and a half1 ,mr4 ,ware could not be said to be well for a single day4 ,much of the time1 he yielded to dejection and apprehension1 as she had never known him before4 ,he enjoyed much1 but suffered more4 ,not bodily suffering wholly1 or chiefly2 but that which is much harder to bear1--the hardest of all1--a sense of helplessness and the increasing fear of uselessness2 the conviction1 in the very prime of life1 that life's work must be left undone1 a calling which he dearly loved be relinquished1 and he either remain abroad a wanderer in search of health1 or return home with only the capacity of projecting numerous plans and labors1 not one of which would be ever accomplished4 ,all this his wife shared1 at least in its effect2 against all this she had constantly to contend1 bearing most of the responsibility of measures and results1 her own health not strong1 and soon subjected to peculiar and most anxious trials4 ,we have no desire to magnify these trials4 ,we only wish to set them in their true light1 as making an unusual--not an unprecedented1 but an unusual--demand upon the trust1 endurance1 and energy of a wife and mother4 ,she herself has been heard to say1 that this was the most trying period of her life2 that no other experience equalled it4 ,yet this would hardly be inferred from her letters at the time4 ,they were necessarily few1 but written with her usual cheerfulness and unfailing hopefulness4 ,not all of them1 however4 ,one or two we have seen1 such as cannot be used1 that intimate1 rather than express1 peculiar suffering and solicitude4 ,but this was in confidence1 and for counsel2 it being one of the peculiarities of the case that it presented many points where it was very difficult to decide whether wisdom and duty should carry them farther on1 or turn them instantly back1--and the decision was with her4 ,we will not attempt to follow them closely in their foreign tour4 ,those who wish to trace its progress1 and note the dates and incidents1 will find them in the ,memoir of ,henry ,ware by his brother4 ,they visited ,england1 ,scotland1 ,ireland1 ,holland1 ,switzerland1 ,italy1 and ,france1 spending the winter in ,italy4 ,the first summer they passed over much of the ground and sought the spots1 in ,england1 so familiar and memorable to ,mary from her former experience4 ,they visited ,wordsworth1 ,southey1 ,mrs4 ,hemans1 ,miss ,edgeworth2 and passed much time with ,unitarian ministers1 whom ,mr4 ,ware wished particularly to see1 that he might learn all he could of their position1 cultivate a fraternal feeling1 and open the way for a more frequent and friendly correspondence between those of the same household of faith in ,england and ,america4 ,about the last of ,august they went to the ,continent1 taking ,holland first1 and thence through ,switzerland into ,italy1 reaching ,rome in ,december1 and remaining there until ,april4 ,the few letters that ,mrs4 ,ware wrote home will be given in the order of their dates1 with little explanation or comment4 ,some are in the form of a journal2 and here and there we see the hand of ,mr4 ,ware1 taking up the thread which his wife had dropped1 and then leaving her to resume4 ,greta ,bridge1 ,july #h1 #ahbi4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i slept last night in the very same room1 at ,barnard ,castle1 which you and ,i occupied four years ago4 ,and having been in many places lately where we had been together1 such as ,studley1 ,ripon1 and the ,george ,inn at ,york1 where we parted1 and moreover1 as you have visited me in my dreams1 night after night1 for a long time past1 ,i feel that ,i must yield to the desire of writing to you1 although it may be but a few lines of uninteresting matter4 ,this place will1 however1 insure to the letter some value1 for ,i remember well how you wished that the rain would abate1 that you might see something of its beauties4 ,i wished it also then1 but ,i wish it much more now1 that ,i have had an opportunity of---- ,here the arrival of the coach which was to take us from this paradise cut short ,mary's opportunity1 and ,i dare say she will not remember what she was going to write2 so that ,i1 her substitute and lieutenant1 go on to tell you how much we have mentioned your name while on these romantic grounds1 and how glad we should have been to trace with you the paths of ,rokeby and ,greta in memory---- ,my lieutenant seems to have been cut off in his march rather abruptly also2 so ,i must beg you to imagine what beautiful associations of persons or things he was about to recall1 and proceed with my own plain story1--just to tell you that we were more than satisfied with our walk2 it quite meets ,scott's description4 ,we trod the same path by which ,bertram and ,wycliffe wound their way from ,barnard ,castle to ,mortham1 and a wilder or more witching scene could scarcely be imagined4 ,we had walked from ,stockton to the ,castle by the side of the ,tees1 sixteen miles1 stopping for refreshment and rest at the little1 humble inns which alone are to be found on this unfrequented route2 and truly1 after the parade and luxury of large hotels1 it was a delightful change to see something of simple country life4 ,you would have enjoyed it1 too1 notwithstanding the novelty of carrying the equipments of one's toilet in our pockets4 ,at ,penrith we found our letters by the ,may packet1 and yours1 dear ,emma1 was most welcome1 not only for the news you gave me of my darling children1 but for the kind feelings which dictated it1 and the great entertainment it gave us4 ,it was just such a letter as we wanted just at that time2 it was the latest account1 too1 that we had had1 for though one from ,mrs4 ,barnard1 and another from ,dr4 ,john and ,william1 reached us at the same time1 they were of earlier date4 ,you brought my little ,robert more vividly before my eyes than any thing ,i have heard of him4 ,i could see his little hand resting on ,clarissa's shoulder1 looking half coaxingly at you2 and if the picture made me long to try if he would notice me any better1 ,i was amply compensated for my inability to do so by the knowledge that he was doing so well1 and under such kind care4 ,at ,penrith ,i had an attack similar to that which ,i had when you were at ,brookline with me1 which detained us a day2 but1 as it rained1 it was not of much consequence4 ,we had projected a drive round the lakes in a gig1 and this plan we entered upon the next day 7,saturday1 #aath71--just such a day as we should have asked for4 ,we went to ,ambleside1 via ,ullswater and ,patterdale1 where we spent ,sunday2 heard ,wordsworth's son preach1 and looked at ,windermere4 ,monday we breakfasted with ,wordsworth at that lovely place1 which ,i doubt not is still visible to your mind's eye1 as we saw it that beautiful morning4 ,it looked just as beautiful without1 and as perfectly in keeping within1 as we had imagined it4 ,i confessed our theft1 to the no small amusement of ,mrs4 ,wordsworth1 who did not1 however1 seem surprised at our feelings4 ,wordsworth1 his wife1 son1 and daughter1 composed the party4 ,i wished ,i could have seen him again4 99 99 99 99 99 ,july #af4 ,dear me1 what a careless child6 ,i have just discovered that ,i began my letter on a sheet which ,mr4 ,ware had one quarter filled to another person2 and1 having no time to rewrite1 ,i must send it piecemeal4 ,i was going to say1 that ,i wished ,i could have seen ,wordsworth again1 because he did not meet my expectation2 and therefore ,i felt disappointed1 in spite of all my reasoning with myself that my imagination should not be the standard in such a case4 ,besides1 such a man could not be seen at one view2 that which is most delightful in him would not be delightful if it were external4 ,the ride to ,keswick you will remember well4 ,it lost nothing by being seen a second time4 ,we were at the same inn at which we formerly stopped2 and ,i could hear1 perhaps1 the same horses tramping along the same pavement over which our nags paced their way for us that memorable morning4 ,we drank tea at ,southey's1 whose residence is much more like a poet's than it appeared at a distance1 having a fine view of the lake between the trees with which it is almost enveloped4 ,i heard him talk but little1 as there was a party at the house2 but was more pleased with that little than ,i expected to be4 ,his study is just the most enviable one that ,i ever have seen4 ,the next day we went upon an expedition to ,crummock and ,buttermere1 which1 though fatiguing1 we enjoyed highly1 having a fine row upon the lake4 ,we returned to ,keswick by a road which gigs seldom pass over1 the ,crag through ,borrowdale4 ,it was just such an expedition as you would have enjoyed on horseback1 perhaps on foot1 as we took it for three of the worst miles ,i ever passed over for roughness and wildness4 ,the last part amply repaid us for our toil4 ,we rode by the side of the ,keswick lake for the whole length1 just as the sun was setting1 yesterday4 99 99 99 99 99 ,july #ag4 ,o1 what would you not give for the sight which is before me now6--'fair ,melrose1' not by the 'pale moonlight1' but by the light of as beautiful a sunset as you could ask for upon such a scene4 ,i have not been out of the house yet1 having contented myself with looking at it from my window1 and am now1 with all diligence1 scribbling for the next ,boston packet1 while ,mr4 ,ware has gone to see ,mrs4 ,hemans1 who wrote us that we should find her in this neighborhood4 ,this is no small addition to the attractions of ,melrose4 ,i feel very much as if ,i were going to see an old friend1 so near does sympathy with a person's writings bring one to the writer himself1 in soul at least1 if not in the outward expression4 ,on our way hither from ,selkirk1 we passed ,abbotsford4 ,a motley group of towers and chimneys did it appear2 and it verily made me hold up my head1 and feel stronger1 at the thought of breathing the same atmosphere with its mighty inhabitant4 ,we passed ,branksome also to-day1 and came through ,teviotdale1--classic ground every inch of it4 ,but it will not answer for me to run on at this rate2 ,i shall scarcely complete one letter beside1 when ,i wish to write fifty4 ,just at this point ,henry returned from his call1 with the original ',dominie ,sampson1' and the intelligence that ,mrs4 ,hemans would join us in our intended visit to the ,abbey4 ,the moon is just now in full-orbed splendor4 ,thither1 therefore1 we repaired2 and ,i met ,mrs4 ,hemans for the first time on the top of one of the towers1 in such a scene as beggars all powers of description4 ,never were mortals more favored by the heavens and the earth for such an expedition4 ,the air was very mild2 not a sound disturbed the midnight stillness but the chirping of the ---- 7,i cannot remember its ,scotch name2 its sound is somewhat like a cricket's74 ,there were just clouds enough to give us all the varieties of light and shade4 ,we did enjoy it highly4 ,and yet we almost wished we had been alone4 ,one did not want to have the interest divided2 and the ,dominie's dry sayings and droll manner had such an effect upon our risibles1 that we had1 in spite of ourselves1 a little too much of the ridiculous with the sublime4 ,this ,dominie1 whose real name is ,thomson1 junior minister of the kirk of ,melrose1 is unique1 not exactly such as ,sir ,walter has described1 but quite as original4 ,but ,i have come to the end of my letter1 that is1 my time4 ,love to all1 at ,canton1 ,milton1 ,brookline1 ,nahant1 ,roxbury1 ,boston1--a goodly company truly4 ,we have just had a ride to ,dryburgh ,abbey1 on the ,tweed1 a fine ruin beautifully situated4 ,the river here answers ,scott's description better than at ,berwick4 ,there are very many lovely situations upon its banks4 ,but ,i must close4 ,with ,mr4 ,ware's united love1 and sincere wishes that you were with us1 yours most affectionately1 ,,mary ,l4 ,,ware4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,to ,,mrs4 ,,lucy ,,allen ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,harriet ,,hall4 ,geneva1 ,october #aa1 #ahbi4 ,,my ,,dear ,,good ,,sisters3-- ,wishing to say very much the same things to you both1 and finding that the expense and trouble of transporting letters from this place across the ,atlantic are pretty considerable1 ,i am induced to address you both at once2 hoping that the question of title to the possession of this valuable document will not give rise to a more severe litigation than the lawyers of ,massachusetts will be able to settle4 ,your letters reached us in the course of time2 yours1 ,lucy1 while we were in ,london1 and ,harriet's just three months after its last date2 both most welcome4 ,it is a pleasure which none but a pilgrim can understand1 to see the veritable handwriting of a friend when separated by such a space4 ,you say much of the pleasure we shall receive in these foreign parts from the novelty1 c4 of what we may encounter4 ,so it is2 and ,i trust that ,i shall enjoy all that we should do from the privilege allowed us4 ,but ,i can tell you1 under the rose1 that there is no pleasure in all this wide creation like that of sitting down in a quiet corner1 no matter what may be around us1 holding communion with home2 and ,i fully believe that all travellers would tell you the same1 if their pride would let them4 ,we have1 as you may have learned1 fulfilled in part your first wish1 ,harriet1--we have seen ,miss ,edgeworth1 but not ,sir ,walter4 ,she is a short1 rather fat1 extremely homely1 perhaps ,i might say ugly woman1 without a spark of intellectual expression in her still face1 and not overmuch in her most animated moments2 but as full of animation1 kind feeling1 good sense1 and intelligence1 in her conversation1 as one could desire2 a great talker1 and a very good listener2 not an item of pedantry or self-sufficiency1 or indeed any thing of what one would fear to find in her father's daughter1 or in any woman who had been so celebrated2 easy1 playful1 natural4 ,we forgot it was the renowned ,miss ,edgeworth1 and felt only that it was somebody who must be loved and admired4 ,we found her in the old family mansion at ,edgeworthstown1 whither we went fifty miles only out of our way to see her2 but all the awkwardness of such a lion-seeking visit was entirely taken off by the reception we met with from the whole family1 and we should have felt quite at our ease to have passed a week there4 ,we could stay only a part of three days2 that is1 part of two1 and the whole of the intermediate one4 ,the only impediment to our comfort was1 that1 being constantly in the family circle1 which is a large one1 we could not talk with the lady herself upon many points which would have been most interesting4 ,perhaps we saw her to peculiar advantage1 but we certainly do feel that she has been greatly scandalized in having the reputation of acting the pedantic authoress1 and partaking of her father's scepticism4 ,so much for ,miss ,edgeworth4 ,i wish ,i could tell you half as much of ,sir ,walter from personal observation1 but he was out when ,henry called with his friend1 ,mr4 ,hamilton2 and he is so overpowered with visitors1 that we were not willing to add ourselves to the list of the curious who persecute him4 ,we were delighted with all that we heard of him2 indeed1 the nearer we viewed his character1 through the medium of those who knew him1 the more our admiration and desire to see him increased4 ,it would really seem that his vast intellect is his least remarkable feature4 ,we saw many of his familiar letters to ,miss ,edgeworth1 and that was next best to hearing him talk1 for they are just like conversation4 ,mrs4 ,hemans1 too1 we have seen1 and ,bowring a great deal1 and some others of the noted of the present day2 and we shall treasure the remembrance of the few1 for they have been but few4 ,it has been truly tantalizing to pass through ,switzerland in clouds and darkness1 now and then catching a glimpse of its beauties to show us what we were losing1 but the far greater part of the time passing through the very finest portions of the ,alpine scenery without any visible indications that we were not in a level country4 ,but we have proceeded thus far free from sickness1 danger1 or even difficulty1 and have therefore too much reason to be grateful to find it possible to complain4 ,we find a great deal to amuse us in the various habits and customs of the countries through which we pass1 particularly since we left ,england2 and the eating and drinking part of the business is not the least entertaining4 ,we1 however1 manage to please ourselves1 and our entertainers1 too1 pretty well4 ,henry eats his bread and milk as comfortably as he would at home1 and ,i do what justice ,i can to the various dishes which are set before me1 though1 when they amount1 as they have done1 to twenty in number1 in spite of all the ',j'ai fini's' ,i could utter1 ,i have excited a smile of contempt from the waiter1 who wondered at the barbarism of dining from one dish4 ,we have not seen a carpet since we left ,holland1 except upon the sitting-room of an ,english lady here1 and we have been in some handsomely furnished houses4444 ,o this pen1 ink1 and paper6 ,i will have no more to do with them1 but leave them to ,henry4 ,your sister ,,mary 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear girls1 women1 or wives3 ,my loquacious helpmate has merely left me a place to send my love1 and to say ,i wish ,i had room to write to you and your husbands4 ,by way of supplement1 ,i will just say of myself1 that ,i am now able to talk while riding1 without pain1 which ,i never could do before we left ,england2 and can also read loud a little while4 ,this is something worth telling of4 ,my visit to ,geneva1 owing to circumstances1 is the least satisfactory that ,i have made4 ,you will perhaps hear again from the land of the ,caesars1 whence ,i will dictate a letter full of 'ettas1' and 'inas1' and 'issimas1' and 'ulinas1' and other satin euphonisms4 ,meanwhile1 peace be with you6 ,your brother ,,henry4 ,we have added ,mr4 ,ware's pleasant little postscript to the last letter1 chiefly to show1 by his own confession1 how very feeble he must have been1 and how great her anxiety and care4 ,indeed1 she says of him at this time1 ,his system requires rest2 it will be long before it is fit for use again4 ,she herself was far from well1 and had the depressing prospect of a more serious sickness1 in a foreign land1 with added cares4 ,and yet neither of them was idle1 during any period of that trial4 ,they accomplished a great deal in various ways1 and prepared one distinct work for publication4 ,we say1 they did it2 for ,mrs4 ,ware seems to have joined in that labor which afterward gave us one of the most useful of ,henry ,ware's works4 ,we refer to his treatise on the ,formation of the ,christian ,character4 ,it is probably known that this book was written almost entirely in travelling2 first in this country1 during the horseback jaunt which ,mr4 ,ware took alone through ,new ,england to ,canada1 in #ahbh1 and then abroad1 at various stages of this ,european tour4 ,and here it was in ,mrs4 ,ware's power to be of essential service to her husband1 in a way which she explains in a letter written late in life1 half jestingly taking to herself a part of the credit for the work to which we refer4 ,to ,dr4 ,john ,ware she writes1 in #ahdd1 in reference to her husband's labors in this and other ways1 at the time of which we are speaking3-- ,you will gather from the letters of ,european friends in what estimate he was held by them4 ,that is of little import2 but it shows how faithfully he preserved his identity as a minister of the ,gospel4 ,in looking back upon the jaunt1 as a whole1 nothing is so prominent to my mind as the perpetual indications of his ruling passion1 if ,i may call it so1--his love of his profession1--the eagerness with which he sought out his ministerial brethren wherever he heard of them1 stopping by the way-side to introduce himself and extend to them the hand of fellowship1 often going out of the way many miles for that purpose1 and making all other objects subservient to that of increasing his knowledge of men and things pertaining to the ministerial life4 ,i know his visit was a useful one to his brethren in many respects4444 ,you know1 ,i believe1 that the greater part of his work upon the ',christian ,character' was written on that tour4 ,its pages are to my memory a sort of diary of our progress1 associated as they are with the pleasant evenings1 when1 after our autumnal day's journey1 having despatched our supper1 we settled ourselves at a little table before a cheerful wood-fire in our inn1 and he with his writing materials1 and ,i with my work1 or writing or reading1 could almost imagine ourselves at home4 ,thus were my evenings spent in alternate writing1 reading1 and criticism1 until ,i almost felt as if ,i had written the book myself6 ,the end of the year #ahbi found ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware travelling from ,rome to ,naples2 and on the last night1 faithful to her friendships everywhere1 she began the regular annual to ,mrs4 ,paine1 which she did not finish till after their return to ,rome1 thus giving some account of their condition in both places4 ,st4 ,agatha1#d ,december #ca1 #ahbi4 ,,my ,,dear ,,nancy3-- ,this is not the first annual which you have received with a foreign date2 neither can you be surprised at any aberration in my orbit4 ,and yet methinks you will have to consider twice before you can quite realize that it is ',pearl ,street ,mary ,pickard1' who is writing you from this region of ancient glory and far-famed beauty4 ,but so it is2 and could you look in upon me1 you would wonder1 as ,i do1 that the very peculiar changes of the eighteen years you have known me should leave me so precisely the same4 ,i begin to think that ,i am made of most invulnerable materials2 for here ,i sit--surrounded by as singular and trying circumstances as any which ,i have ever known--as easy and happy1 ,i had almost said as indifferent1 as if the world were jogging on with me in the tamest way imaginable4 ,at no period of my life have ,i had more for which to be thankful in reviewing the year which has passed1--that we should have travelled so far without the slightest accident1 leaving our dearest interests so well provided for1 finding so much kindness wherever we have been1 and so many facilities for our enjoyment2 and above all1 that my husband1 though not much better1 should not have been made much worse by all the disadvantages under which he has labored of climate and weather4 ,if ,i were at your elbow1 how ,i should love to give you a detail of some of our experiences during the year4 ,you know enough of the outlines to guess at the minutiae in many instances1 and enough of us both to imagine the internal effects produced by them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,rome1 ,march #b;d4 ,back in ,rome again1 after a five weeks' sojourn in ,naples1 from which place ,i should have despatched this1 but that ,i did not think it quite worth while to send such a piece of egotism so far by mail4 ,we had almost incessant rain while at ,naples1 which prevented our doing and seeing as much as we wished2 but the few fine days we had1 we enjoyed and employed to the utmost4 ,although in ,january1 they were like our ,june days4 ,a shawl was too warm a garment to be borne in the sun1 and upon our out-of-town expeditions we took our lunch in the open air4 ,these were rare days1 to be sure1 but they gave us some idea of what the climate would have been had the season been a common one1 for so much rain at that time1 they told us1 was almost unprecedented4 ,we went of course to ,pompeii1 where ,i had many and pleasant recollections of your husband1 tell him2 for the explanations which he gave me1 when we saw the panorama of that place together in ,london1 had made it all so familiar to my mind that ,i could not easily overcome the impression that ,i had been there before4 ,vesuvius we were content to admire at a distance1 fearing the ascent would be injurious to my husband4 ,but the classical regions of ,avernus and the ,elysian fields1 the abode of the ,cumaean ,sibyl1 and the beautiful temples of ,baiae1 we explored at our leisure4 ,i can scarcely fancy any locality more beautiful for a city than that of ,naples1 and1 viewed at a distance1 it has a very imposing appearance2 but in itself it is noisy1 dirty1 and disagreeable1 with the exception of the modern part of the street which borders upon the bay4 ,we had rooms in that street1 within forty feet of the water1 and in rain or sunshine enjoyed the beauty of the bay with equal delight4 ,we returned hither in company with ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,grinnell1 and ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,rollins1 with whom we have been the greater part of the time since we arrived in ,florence in ,november4 ,we are at lodgings with them here1 and1 as you may suppose1 very much enjoy our quiet family party4 ,we have also ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,kirkland1 and ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,gould1 from our part of the country1 and many from ,new ,york4 ,there is so much to be done here1 and my husband is obliged to do things so leisurely1 that ,i know not that we shall ever see half that is to be seen4 ,there is a great difference between travelling for health and mere pleasure4 ,almost all our friends will be on the wing before us1 but ,i trust we shall find our way home in good time1 and be the better for having come4 ,mr4 ,ware's is just such an uncertain case1 that it is impossible to have any very decided opinion about it1--he sometimes seeming almost as well as ever1 then again prostrated by some very trifle4 ,on the whole1 there is still much to hope from time and care1 but nothing to flatter one into the hope of speedy restoration4 ,may we have patience to wait with cheerfulness the full development of the designs of ,heaven with regard to us1 hoping for good1 and willing to submit to trial6 ,this is the season of ,lent1 which makes no apparent change in the state of things1 and before we leave ,rome we shall have the famous solemnities of ,holy ,week1 when1 if the ,pope does not die 7which it is reported he is about doing71 ,i hope to witness the illumination of ,st4 ,peter's1 and to listen to the ,miserere4 ,so far1 ,i have not heard any music in ,italy which satisfied me1 except once the vespers of the nuns in one of the churches here2 it is all too loud1 rapid1 and theatrical4 ,but it is time to despatch my letter1 so good by4 ,yours1 most affectionately1 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,footnote #d3 ,a little village1 or rather almost solitary inn1 between ,rome and ,naples4 ,the last date of the above letter is the #b;d of ,march2 and before the close of that month ,mrs4 ,ware's second child was born1--a daughter1 who still lives4 ,mr4 ,ware's letter1 announcing the event to his brother in ,boston1 expresses his gratitude for the many mercies that surrounded them1 among excellent friends1 making as pretty a little1 quiet domestic circle as ever ,rome has seen since the days of the twin founders4 ,at the same time1 he confesses his entire discouragement in regard to his own health1 and their great embarrassment at what course to pursue4 ,i am weary of this miserably idle life1 and yet ,i am fit for no other4 ,i am afraid to go home1 because ,i know ,i shall only be able to do half the requisite work1 and to do that not more than half2 yet to stay away is altogether out of the question4 ,as usual1 ,mary was ready to do any thing that seemed best1 even to go home alone with her new charge1 if her husband would be benefited by remaining longer and acting freely4 ,some prompt and decided course she advised1 at whatever sacrifice4 ,we have talked over this matter together1 and the only relief which ,mary is able to suggest is1 that ,i should state my case exactly1 resign the professorship1 so as not to be a burden or hindrance to those for whom ,i care more than for myself1 send her home from ,havre1 and spend a year in travelling ,europe on foot and on horseback4 ,this might be done at a very small expense1 an expense which we could meet without taxing ,college or friends4 ,we can easily conceive of the anxiety of a high-minded woman1 a devoted wife and mother1 at such a crisis4 ,we have said that ,mrs4 ,ware has been known to refer to this experience as the great trial of her life1 and we suppose the period of which we are speaking was the most trying of all2 especially if we comprise in it the few months that preceded the birth of her child1--a season of which she has written more freely than of any other of her trials4 ,nor can we show the full power of her endurance at that time1 and her wonderful energy1--such as is common only to woman1--unless by giving part of a letter written to her physician1 describing this experience4 ,not for a single day free from positive pain1 ,i felt determined to keep out of sight all physical as well as mental distress4 ,in this ,i believe ,i succeeded1 excepting when occasionally nature was overpowered1 and ,i lost for a time my consciousness4 ,but the effort to keep a cheerful outside1 when the body was undergoing so great suffering1 and the mind fully awake to all the uncertainties and possibilities which lay before us1 can only be appreciated or known by one similarly situated4 ,my faith never failed me1 nor my confidence that the course ,i had adopted was the right one4 ,but the degree of tension to which every faculty was stretched1 all the time1 was just as much as my reason could bear unshaken2 and more than it could have borne1 ,i believe1 had not my nerves found relief in hours of tearful prostration1 when ,henry was asleep1 or so far out of the way as not to detect it4 ,we have no further particulars to give of the sojourn in ,rome4 ,the travellers gladly turned their faces toward home the moment the season and their strength would permit4 ,early in ,may we hear of them in ,geneva1 and at the end of that month in ,paris4 ,from both those places ,mr4 ,ware writes home1 in a disheartened1 yet decided tone1 as to his return1 showing what a burden of anxiety they were still bearing4 ,i have only spoken out more plainly what has for some time been my conviction1 that ,i am gaining nothing2 and ,i simply wish to have you prepared for a proper reception of my miserability when ,i shall return4 ,i am sure ,i need not stay away2 ,i am sure ,i am not fit to do any hard work2 ,i do not think ,i could edit the ,examiner4 ,but ,i will come home by the packet of ,july #bjth1 and you shall judge4 ,it will be the hardest of all ,i have yet done1 to abstain from ,cambridge1 especially as ,mr4 ,norton vacates his place1 and there is the more need of other laborers4 ,in ,june1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware were separated for a time1 she taking lodgings with her infant at ,waltham ,abbey1 and he making an excursion alone for his health4 ,soon after he left her1 ,mary wrote to him thus3--,i am quite sure it was best for you to go1 though there was some risk in it4 ,if you only keep a sharp watch upon your 'excitables1' not mistaking the effect of them for strength1 and so do not overdo1 you will1 ,i doubt not1 be better for the jaunt2 you will be gaining much mental satisfaction1 and ,i am sure that will help the body4444 ,yours to ',miss ,pickard' is just received4 ,the dear little ,miss is as good as possible2 she knows how much ,i wish ,i were with you1 and coos and smiles all the time to make me contented4 ,i am thankful you are so well1 and though ,i should have richly enjoyed being with you1 ,i am sure it is better for you to be alone4 ,i want to go to ,chatham next week1 if ,i feel better1 but it is such a luxury to be at rest6 ,o1 dearest1 how we shall enjoy it6 ,i have had time to think a little1 and collect my scattered wits1 and ,i could pour out volumes of the result of my cogitations--but voila6 the end of my paper6 ,do all you can1 see all you can without injury1 gain all that is possible to gain1 and above all1 feel that you have time enough2 that is1 don't feel 'hurried'2 it is destructive to comfort and profit4 ,in this letter we find also a hint1 which tells something of ,mary's continued thoughtfulness and generous provision for that poor old aunt whom she left at ,osmotherly five years before4 ,on first arriving in ,england1 she had again visited1 with her husband1 that scene of singular interest and mingled recollections4 ,and now that ,mr4 ,ware is journeying alone in that direction1 she writes to him3 ,should you go to ,osmotherly 7which is not quite worth while1 as it would take you two days71 give ,aunty her yearly allowance1 if you can1--ten pounds4 ,but no1 ,i remember you did not take enough with you4 ,write her a word1--it will please her2 and pay the postage4 ,this was said at the very time that ,mrs4 ,ware had denied herself the pleasure of going with her husband1 on account of the added expense of travelling with an infant4 ,she continued that annuity to her aunt as long as she lived1 and a friend thinks it was doubled part of the time4 ,we bring the fact to notice1 because1 from a delicacy which ought not1 perhaps1 to suppress facts so illustrative of character1 we have forborne to give half the proof we found1 in letters and in conversation with friends1 of her noble generosity in connection with the strictest domestic economy1 and withal a personal self-denial and simplicity that caused remark1 if not censure4 ,could all the facts be given of her early surrender of property to a considerable amount1 when she might have held it1 and the rigid restriction of her personal expenditure1 through life1 within the limits of bare comfort and respectability1 while there were times when she could have done much more for herself1 and no time when her hospitalities were not without stint1--were it right1 or were it desirable1 to refer to facts and instances confirming this general statement1--we are sure it would be seen to be at the least worthy of honor and imitation4 ,but the very thought of her disinterestedness1 and secret charities1 checks and rebukes us4 ,before leaving ,england1 she wrote the following letter to the two children in ,america4 ,waltham ,abbey1 ,june #ai1 #ahcj4 ,,my ,,dear ,,children3-- ,it is a long time since ,i wrote to either of you1 for ,i was ill for some weeks1 and since ,i got well1 ,i have been travelling almost every day1 and have not had time to sit down quietly4 ,but all this while ,i have thought much of you1 particularly when ,i was lying on the bed sick4 ,when ,i remembered how great was the distance which separated us from you1 and how uncertain it was if we ever saw you again1 ,i wished that ,i could be sure that you would always be good1 doing that which would please ,god1 that ,i might hope to be united to you again in heaven4 ,you do not know how often your father and ,i have talked about you since we left you1 or how anxious we have felt that you should improve2 we hope to find that you have made a good use of the time of our absence1 if we are ever permitted to see our home again2 and how happy we shall be to have you with us1 not to be separated again1 ,i trust1 for a long time6 ,you will be glad to know that your dear father is better than when he left home4 ,he has gone now to ,manchester for a few days1 and ,i have come with little ,baby from ,london to stay with a cousin while he is absent4 ,baby will have been a great traveller by the time she gets home1 but she will not be any the wiser for it2 when she knows how many wonderful things she has passed by1 she will wish she had been old enough to observe them4 ,i have seen a great many grown-up people in our travels1 who1 ,i think1 will not know much more than she does of what they have passed by1 because they have not the habit of observing and thinking about what they see2 they remind me of the story in ',evenings at ,home1' entitled ',eyes and no-,eyes4' ,i dare say you recollect it4 ,others are not wiser for their travels1 because they have not prepared themselves to understand what they see1 by reading2 they care nothing about the antiquities of a country1 because they know nothing about its history2 or the works of art which they meet with1 because they do not know how they are made1 or their uses4 ,you will be surprised to find1 as you grow older and know more1 how much every thing which you have learned will add to your pleasure4 ,i dare say you have many lessons given you1 of which you do not see the use at present1 but you will by and by1 and if you fix them well in your memory you will be very glad then4 ,it is now the #bfth of ,june1 and we have just heard that the king of ,england died this morning1 and his brother1 the ,duke of ,clarence1 was proclaimed king1 at twelve o'clock1 at ,westminster4 ,on ,monday he will be proclaimed at three places in ,london1 by heralds dressed in very gay costume1 such as has always been worn on like occasions for many centuries1 of course very different from modern dresses4 ,they will use trumpets in order to be heard by as many people as possible1 who will no doubt collect in great crowds to hear them4 ,the new king is called ,william the ,fourth4 ,there will be a great parade at the king's funeral1 and the new king's coronation1 but we shall not see either4 ,i hope we shall be on the water before they take place1 for the preparations are to be so great1 that it is said three weeks at least will be necessary for the funeral1 and perhaps months for the coronation4 ,the next heir to the crown is a little girl1 only a year older than you1 ,elizabeth4 ,good by1 my dear children4 ,your loving ,mother4 ,on the passage home1 in ,august1 ,mrs4 ,ware had another severe trial of her physical and mental energies1--a trial that is supposed to have essentially impaired the vigor of a remarkably strong and enduring frame4 ,mr4 ,ware1 who had gained little if any strength during their whole absence1 became severely ill from a painful and alarming attack of acute disease4 ,his wife was his only nurse1 and1 if we recollect right1 the only physician4 ,and there1 amid all the deprivations and discomforts of the sea1 confined to the narrow range of a small state-room1 carrying in her arms a restless infant1 of which those most willing could but seldom relieve her1 and with the whole weight of the responsibility upon her saddened heart1 that wife and mother performed offices and made exertions1 which1 by some acquainted with all the circumstances1 have been called almost superhuman4 ,one fearful night especially1 the night which was to determine the result1 she watched over the flickering and apparently expiring light of the life most dear to her1 in anxious and most arduous services1 until the crisis had passed4 ,her husband recovered from this attack almost entirely1 before the end of the voyage2 but the effect upon herself1 of all she had done and endured in the last seventeen months1 was a prostrating and protracted sickness soon after her return4 ,up to this time1 we suppose ,mrs4 ,ware to have possessed a power of action and endurance seldom equalled in her own sex or in the same walk of life4 ,yet she used to say that her natural temperament was sluggish rather than active1 and that her activity was an exertion4 ,recurring1 some years later1 to this same season1 she writes3 ,you do not know me as well as you might1 or you would not talk of my activity4 ,naturally ,i am essentially indolent2 and to this day no one knows the effort it often costs me to rouse myself from my lethargy4 ,still ,i have had a pride in my physical ability1 which has sometimes impelled me when better motives ought to have operated4 ,but that pride had a fall1 when ,i went to ,europe with ,mr4 ,ware1 from which1 it seems to me1 it can never rise again4 ,yet it may influence me when ,i do not suspect it1 and ,i shall look out sharp for it4 ,it was in this connection also that ,mrs4 ,ware repelled the idea of sacrifice in such relations4 ,the phrase 'sacrifice for those we love1' ,i do not quite understand4 ,i should think the thing intended was more nearly allied to the germ of selfish gratification1 and therefore as little entitled to the appellation of a virtue as any other selfish propensity4 ,just before leaving ,america for this ,european tour1 when not strong herself1 she had written to her husband1 ,i am very much afraid of becoming too thoughtful of this poor body of mine4 ,and now1 on her return1 she was compelled to think of it more than ever before4 ,x4 ,,life ,,in ,,cambridge4 ,mr4 ,ware's connection with his parish in ,boston had been continued1 at the earnest request of the people1 in the hope1 that1 if he removed to ,cambridge1 he might still retain the pastoral office1 and perform such of the duties as should be perfectly easy4 ,a connection which had existed thirteen years1 in perfect harmony and mutual attachment1 could not be sundered without mutual pain4 ,to no man living did permanence in the pastoral office seem more desirable or more important than to ,henry ,ware2 and the time had not then quite come when pastor and people could separate in a day1 with or without cause4 ,nor could ,mrs4 ,ware be indifferent to such a change4 ,it was the extinguishment of many hopes which she had fondly cherished1 in becoming the wife of one whose earliest choice and highest ambition had been for the ministry and a parish life1--a life which had attractions hardly less strong for herself4 ,but now they had no choice4 ,whatever the sacrifice required1 neither of them was willing to remain in an office1 whose duties they could not perform with vigor and entire devotion4 ,a dissolution of the connection was therefore asked1 immediately after their return from ,europe4 ,and the society1 in yielding to the obvious duty of granting the request1 expressed earnestly their sense of obligation and gratitude1 not only to their pastor1 but also to her who had been his co-laborer in their service4 ,in their final letter1 they say3 ,we should do injustice to our feelings if we failed1 on this occasion1 to make mention of her also1 who has laid us under such obligations by her devotedness to you when we looked upon you as belonging to ourselves1 and who1 though not long with us1 had already taught us how highly to value and how deeply to regret her4 ,in ,october1 #ahcj1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware took up their abode in ,cambridge2 where he entered at once1 in improved1 but still feeble health1 upon the duties of the new ,professorship of ,pulpit ,eloquence and ,pastoral ,care4 ,and except the place which they had been compelled to resign1 for which they both retained1 we think1 as long as they lived1 a strong preference and lingering desire1 no situation could have been found more acceptable than this at ,cambridge4 ,a post of great responsibility1 calling for all the strength and labor that any could bestow1 it was yet a position of peculiar privilege and opportunity1 in the midst of family connections1 near to all their friends1 and having close relations to the ministry which they so loved4 ,in many ways1 too1 would these relations afford to ,mrs4 ,ware herself facilities for action1 and the exercise of her peculiar powers and affections4 ,yet there were two great anxieties which ,mrs4 ,ware brought to this new situation2 one1 relating to the health of her husband2 the other1 to their straitened pecuniary means4 ,the first of these was known1 and could be understood by all4 ,the last will never be understood1 except by those similarly situated1 and as high-minded1 generous1 and desirous of usefulness4 ,we speak of this as a general truth4 ,there is more mental suffering1 more physical feebleness1 and greater loss to the community in regard to the energy and activity of those who would serve it1 resulting from this one cause1 than perhaps from any other4 ,we say it in no temper of complaint1 much less of censure2 for we know not where the fault lies1 if there be any4 ,but we do know the fact1 and there can be few who have not seen it in some of every calling1--that the necessity of incessant thoughtfulness and extreme carefulness for the things of this world1 with the dread of debt or dependence of any kind1 in the midst1 too1 of sickness and the utmost uncertainty1 is a weight upon the heart1 and an obstacle to the energies1 such as no faith1 or fortitude1 or philosophy can wholly overcome2 no1 nor even the experience1 as in this instance1 of ceaseless kindness1 and a liberality ready to do all that delicacy would permit4 ,the fact remains1--better known than explained1 and inseparable1 it may be1 from the constitution of society1 possibly from the nature of man1--aggravated1 as the trial often is1 by the infirmity and helplessness which ,god himself appoints4 ,the beginning of their life in ,cambridge was made memorable by one of the longest and most serious sicknesses that ,mrs4 ,ware had ever known4 ,we have already referred to it1 as probably caused by the uncommon demands of their journey abroad and the voyage home4 ,we did not refer1 in its place1 to a severe illness which she had in ,geneva1 of which she gives an account in a note some years later1 and speaks of it as very serious4 ,many causes thus conspired to predispose her to this attack1 which1 for the first time in her life1 so far as we know1 was of a pulmonary character1 and shut her up for the whole winter1--a severe trial1 where so much was waiting to be done1 and after so long a period of absence from home and active duty4 ,there was greater prostration1 and more imminent peril1 than all were aware of1 and more1 we suppose1 than ever before4 ,her sickness must have begun almost immediately after they went to ,cambridge2 for in the same month ,mr4 ,ware writes to ,rev4 ,mr4 ,allen of ,northborough1 as if he had for some time been very anxious1 and was then only beginning to hope4 ,i am happy to be able to say1 that ,mary does seem to be doing better1--the first day that ,i have thought so4 ,her disorder has had transient intermissions1 but never before seemed to yield4 ,i think now she has fairly begun to mend4 ,but she is wretchedly weak1 and a little talking makes her hoarse4 ,we have kept her as quiet as possible1 and forbidden all visitors2 yet she has not been as quiet as most persons1 because she does not know how to take thought for herself1 and continues her interest for all about her4 ,she has suffered a great deal of severe pain1 and her cough has been kept from distressing her only by opiates4 ,you rightly guess how great a disappointment of our hopes this has been4 ,i have not been without very serious apprehensions as to the result2 and you may judge what must be felt1 when we are apprehensive for one so perfectly invaluable as she4 ,you know her in part1 but one must know her intimately as ,i do1 to understand half her worth4 ,and1 again1 as late as ,november1 ,mr4 ,ware writes to ,miss ,forbes that ,mary is not yet able to bear any visitor1 not even one as intimate as she1 whose society and sympathy they so much desired4 ,and he adds1 in concluding his letter to that excellent friend1 ,emma1 whom they had not seen since their return from ,europe3 ,since we met1 we have all seen changes and trials1 and are at least more experienced in the discipline of ,providence4 ,i esteem myself quite well2 and if my cup were not dashed with the bitterness of ,mary's ill health1 ,i should have more sources of happiness than ,i could perhaps bear rightly4 ,in a few weeks1 ,miss ,f---- went to ,mrs4 ,ware1 and devoted herself entirely to the care of her for two months or more4 ,the communion of these congenial minds was very beautiful1 and will help at various points to illustrate the character of ,mary4 ,their intimacy began early1 and was never interrupted4 ,how true they were to each other1 how socially and spiritually confiding1 how much they mutually imparted and received1 through life and in death1 can be known only to those who know all2 for both their natures1 even in their present exaltation1 might shrink from the disclosure of some of the evidences of their tender and generous love4 ,their intercourse at this time1 softened by the sickness from which ,mary was very slowly rising1 and which1 we have seen1 awakened many apprehensions1 must have been peculiarly grateful4 ,it was a season of precious experience to ,mrs4 ,ware1 as will be seen in the first letter she wrote1--her faithful annual to the friend in ,worcester4 ,cambridge1 ,december #ca1 #ahcj4 ,another year has passed away1 dearest ,nancy1 since ,i last spread before me a fair white page1 on which to tell you that ,i was still in existence2 and instead of ',st4 ,agatha' and the disagreeables belonging to it1 behold me in my own blessed home1 scribbling at the same old desk4 ,a change1 indeed1 and what a change1 for one short year6 ,you know it all1 and ,i need not1 if ,i could1 recount the various causes for deep1 fervent gratitude which rise to my memory in the retrospect4 ,you can understand1 without explanation1 why it is that the thought of them so entirely overwhelms me that ,i cannot touch upon them with sufficient calmness even to write about them4 ,i shall be less tired to-morrow morning1 and will resume2 but ,i could not let this eve1 so long sacred to you1 pass without marking it4 ,farewell1 then1 for this time4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #af4 ,i have suffered a longer period to pass away without continuing this than ,i intended4 ,i know not how it is1 but ,i find that year after year passes off1 and still the same errors are to be mourned over2 and for one ,i begin to fear that the habit of procrastination will adhere to me through life4 ,i was weak1 and my nerves so excitable1 when ,i began this1 that ,i could not even recur in thought to the events of the past year1 and retain decent composure4 ,but the impression of their review has not passed away1 and ,i trust never will2 and ,i feel that it would do my heart good to go over the ground with you 7were you only by my side71 not of their external character1 that you know already1 but of the effect of such discipline upon the mind4 ,constant exposure to the weather hardens the skin1 and the habit of living under circumstances of trial deadens one's sensibilities2 and ,i could not now1 if ,i would1 be as strongly affected by them as ,i used to be during my novitiate4 ,still1 ,i have not quite ceased to feel1 and consequently to suffer and to enjoy2 and ,i trust that the joys and sorrows of the past year have not been experienced without some beneficial result4 ,i have long thought one of the greatest blessings of my life to be that singular preparation which each event has given me for that which was to succeed it2 and ,i never realized this so fully as during my late wanderings4 ,habit had given me the power of sustaining easily and cheerfully circumstances which1 to one less experienced1 would have brought labor and sorrow2 thus enabling me to pursue the one great object for which we were striving1 unclogged 7if ,i may so say7 by any considerations for self1 and thus lessening my trials1 not only to myself1 but to those around me4 ,now that all is over1 ,i am conscious that the mental as well as the physical effort has been great2 and ,i consider this 'lying by' as advantageous to my mind as to my body4 ,i was beginning wrong1 had for some time felt that trifles were a burden to me2 and although by the application of strong stimulants1 such as the joy of getting home1 ,i could keep alive my courage to act1 ,i am persuaded that it was something of the excitement which frequently precedes entire failure1 rather than any substantial good4 ,in the delightful quiet of my own snug chamber1 ,i have had time to look a little more into myself than ,i have been able to do for a long1 long time4 ,the outward exigencies of the moment had so long occupied every faculty1 that it was not singular that ,i had become almost a stranger to that void within1 which is to be known only in the 'secret silence' of tranquil thought4 ,i have felt grateful for this repose2 and1 so far from pitying me for having been arrested in the pursuit of my domestic duties1 just as ,i was so happily restored to them1 my friends would rejoice for me1 if they knew how much ,i needed1 and how much ,i have enjoyed1 this rest4 ,don't think me quite insensible to the trouble it has caused my friends1 or the loss it has been to my husband's comfort4 ,i am not2 but neither am ,i sure that in the end both will not be gainers by it4 ,i have not been very sick1--not so sick as to require a suspension of any of the daily operations of the household in my behalf4 ,i could always have my children about me1 and except now and then could do very well without any aid out of my family4 ,i needed rest and quiet more than any thing2 and that did not interfere with others' pursuits4 ,emma has been with me six weeks2 and enacted ,mrs4 ,gerry1 ,queen's jester1 ,cerberus1 and a 'thorn in the flesh1' as she styles herself1 with the perfection that belongs to such an actress4 ,she has been a real comfort and delight to us both2 for she has the faculty of fitting in so exactly to the circumstances of the case1 that she does more good than she intends to do1 good as her intentions are4 ,but ,emma says1 ',hold6 enough6' ,i forget which of her characters she appears under now2 but ,i'll punish her by making her fill this page with the bulletin of health of every man1 woman1 and child belonging to the establishment1 which ,i was just going to give you myself4 ,,mary4 ,in ,february1 we find ,mrs4 ,ware still a prisoner in that chamber of sickness2 though not exactly a prisoner1 for we have heard her speak of the reluctance with which she left that long confinement1 to return to the glare and tumult of the world4 ,and from the manner in which she wrote to ,emma1 soon after she had left her1 it would seem that she had not expected to return at all4 ,indeed1 some of her language indicates a serious apprehension on her part1 of which few were aware4 ,in refusing to let ,emma come again merely to read to her1 as she had proposed1 ,mary says3 ,i allow that it would be an especial comfort to be read to sleep sometimes1 when my opium-fed imagination is conjuring up fancies that mar my rest for that night2 and it would be a great pleasure to have my thoughts a little more diverted from self than ,i can divert them unaided4 ,if my disease were rapidly gaining ground1 the case would be altered4 ,i know too well the luxury of having done 'the last' for a friend1 to debar any one from it4 ,but although ,i am aware that there are many probabilities in favor of the idea that the disease never will be overcome1 ,i see no reason to nourish the feeling which a state of uncertainty cannot but create4 ,it may be that my days are to be few4 ,and if the 'wearin' awa of snow-wreaths in the thaw' is to be the signal of like decay in myself1 ,i shall surely need you more than now4 ,at all events1 the spring must be a season of lassitude and bodily trial to me2 and if you will give me the promised visit then1 you will have no reason to be dissatisfied with the degree of good you will do me4 ,two months later than this1 ,mrs4 ,ware wrote to the same friend1 more at length4 ,cambridge1 ,april #bj1 #ahca4 ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i have watched you from my working-chair 'out of sight1' as some of my ,dublin friends would say2 and now ,i have taken my desk into my lap for sundry purposes1 but the first that suggests itself is1 to commence an omnium gatherum for you4 ,i shall want to say five hundred things at least every day for a month to come2 and ,i don't know why ,i should not indulge you with one of the five hundred daily4 ,what time so good to commence1 as that in which my heart is full of twice that number of feelings of gratitude and love towards you8 ,but no1 this is not a good time either1 for they come rushing forward with such a spirit of rivalry1 each wishing to be represented first1 that they blind my eyes and make my pen tremble2 so ,i will teach them what a good disciplinarian ,i am1 and make them all keep silence until they have learned better manners4 ,to-day ,i am as weak as possible1 but free from pain4 ,the truth is1 that ,i am feeling1 just as ,i told you ,i should1 the trial of weakness much more1 now that ,i can move about1 than when ,i was shut up4 ,when ,i knew it was my part to give up trying to do any thing1 and turn my mind to the improvement which belonged to such a state of things1 ,i had not a wish to step over my threshold1 or an anxious thought about any thing beyond it4 ,it would be time enough when ,i could go among people and things1 ,i thought1 and ,i would enjoy the luxury of idleness to the full4 ,i did2 but now the case is changing4 ,i am able to use my bodily powers1 and feel that ,i ought to exert my mental energies also2 but my strength fails me1 mental and bodily1 and this brings to me a feeling of discouragement and dissatisfaction with myself1 that ,i find it hard to struggle against as ,i ought4 ,in fact1 it carries me back to old ,mary ,pickard's spring feelings of nothingness1 which ,i fight with in vain4 ,i fear that ,i have been so long indulged in idleness1 that ,i have lost my energy of mind1 or become selfish1 and a thousand other wrong things which do sometimes creep upon one without leave4 ,you will tell me this is merely the effect1 the inevitable effect1 of weakness1 as my husband does4 ,i hope it is1 and that ,i shall rise in time to my wished-for energy4 ,i was glad to find you had made so good a beginning of your summer life4 ,it is delightful to me to be able to think of you enjoying so much1 and doing so much1 as ,i am sure you will4 ,i think it was very well to strike into the plan at once4 ,may ,i ask you1 too1 to take one half-hour daily1 with your door locked1 for some little sentence and the thoughts which will grow out of it1 for the cultivation of that internal treasure which you value so much1 and in which you wish to feel more vital1 exciting interest8 ,i know by my own experience that we lose much of what we long to keep1 by an unacknowledged but constantly operating contempt for small means1 hourly attentions to the details of spiritual discipline4 ,having calmly1 thoroughly1 may ,i add1 prayerfully1 viewed one ,christian virtue in the day1 are we not almost secure of acting in conformity to that one1 for at least twenty-four hours8 ,and if every day we thus gain one victory1 shall we not have reason to hope we may in time be wholly conquerors8 ,but more of this in our pretty book1 which will contain preaching enough for my share of your ear upon such matters4 ,all send love1 with that of your ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,in the spring1 ,mrs4 ,ware recovered1 as to all apparent disease2 but she continued feeble through the summer1 and suffered much from her sense of inefficiency1 in body and mind1--literally unable1 as she says1 to write a letter4 ,nor do we find any letters before ,october1 when she wrote in full her own impressions of this important portion of her experience1 with an account of its termination in the alarming illness of her husband1 to whom she was summoned at a distance4 ,his health had been constantly improving through the winter1 and he had performed all the duties of his office1 except preaching1 which he had ventured upon but once for nearly three years1 and then only on account of the death of ,mrs4 ,emerson1 the wife of his colleague and successor in ,boston4 ,in the summer vacation of the present year1 #ahca1 ,mr4 ,ware made a pedestrian tour1 with a friend1 to the ,white ,hills2 and1 feeling strong enough1 engaged to preach on his return at ,concord1 ,n4 ,h4 ,but before he could reach that place1 he was prostrated with fever1 and became severely1 and he himself believed fatally ill4 ,under this full conviction1 he made a great effort to write a few last words to his wife2 and did write a note1 which we wish we were at liberty to use1 so moving as it is in itself and its circumstances1 so characteristic of him who wrote it1 and so touching and beautiful a tribute to her whom he loved1 and whom he thought to see no more on earth4 ,it need not be told that ,mrs4 ,ware went to her husband as soon as she knew of his sickness1 though she had not entirely regained her own strength4 ,he had been removed to ,concord1 where she joined him1 and stayed till they could come home together4 ,she seems not to have been surprised by this summons2 it being one of her principles1 and a fixed habit1 to anticipate all probable1 even possible events1 as far as she could1 and make them familiar to her thoughts2 not to sadden or weaken1 but to strengthen and prepare her mind for the duties and emergencies to which she might be called4 ,if the events did not occur1 nothing was lost4 ,if they came1 the shock was less1 and there was greater preparation and fortitude to encounter it4 ,this is not the common course1 and will not commend itself to all4 ,not all would be capable of it2 and it may not be necessary or desirable for all4 ,the common habit is the very opposite1 and the counsel usually given1 from the pulpit and in private1 is to anticipate nothing1--least of all1 to anticipate evil2 or1 as the phrase is1 never to borrow trouble4 ,this is not the place to discuss the subject4 ,we wish only to record our vivid impression of the delight and instruction with which we have listened to that unpretending woman1 as she argued the matter with those who differed with her2 not asking them to do as she did1 or assuming the smallest merit for the habit1 but only showing them how completely the uniform experience of a life of trial had satisfied her that this course was best for her4 ,and all who have seen her in trial and sickness will testify to the reality and power of this persuasion4 ,the account1 to which we have already adverted1 of their experiences during this first year at ,cambridge1 through her own illness and that of her husband1 is contained in a letter written on the evening of the first ,sabbath that ,mr4 ,ware was able to preach in the ,college ,chapel1 when she also was able to hear him4 ,cambridge1 ,october #b1 #ahca4 ,,my ,,dear ,,nancy3-- ,were you ever so weak as to omit doing a thing which you strongly desired to do1 entirely because you knew you could not do it thoroughly to your own satisfaction8 ,if you have been1 you can better understand than ,i can describe the many foolish feelings which have1 from time to time1 and a hundred times1 made me throw down my pen and say to myself1 ',i cannot write to her now2 ,i have not time to say half ,i wish to say1 or she to hear4' ,it is just so now2 ,i knew all the time it was wrong to do so1 and now ,i am determined to turn over a new leaf with myself1 at the commencement of this new year of my life2 and as your spirit has haunted my conscience more than any other1 ,i begin by laying it with the spell of my fairy pen4 ,but where shall ,i begin8 ,i cannot remember where ,i left off1 or rather do not know what you have heard from others since ,i left you a year ago4 ,of my winter's sickness ,i cannot write2 it contained a long life of enjoyment1 and what ,i hoped would prove profitable thought and reflection4 ,i came out of my nest almost reluctantly1 for ,i had a dread of the absorbing power of worldly cares and interests2 and for a long time my head remained so weak that ,i suffered from the necessity of giving my whole mind to the trifling occupations of daily life in order to perform them with tolerable decency4 ,this has been a bane to my comfort throughout the summer2 and although ,i have had ,harriet ,hall and ,mary ,ware1 and many of those ,i rejoiced to see1 again around me1 ,i have not profited much by the privilege1 my mind having all its capacity more than employed by the care of our bodies4 ,this was very humiliating for one to whom all the outward cares of life have been mere play-work2 but ,i could contrive to keep externally quiet1 and not appear fidgety2 so ,i try to think this was conquest enough for me in my then state of weakness4 ,the heat prostrated me very much4 ,i began to fear ,i should never be able to do any two things at once again4 ,but since my family has returned to its usual size1 and the cool days of autumn have sent their invigorating influences to my bodily powers1 my mind improves 'a little1 not much' 7as my ,rob says fifty times a day74 ,literally1 ,i could not write a letter through the whole summer2 and now the task is so novel a one1 that ,i cannot expect to be coherent1 this being my first4 ,in this state of things1 my husband left me for a walk to the ,white ,hills4 ,i felt sure that1 if pursued with due discretion1 it would do him good4 ,he was pretty well1 but wanted something to give him a spring before beginning to preach4 ,i had not the least objection to his going1 but having watched him so long1 so incessantly1 ,i felt very much as a mother does the first night she weans her infant from her4 ,in pursuance of my long-established habit1 ,i set myself the task of preparing for any accident which might befall him1 and ,i believe looked at all the possibilities of the case2 so that when the summons actually came for me to attend him at ,concord1 where he was ill of a fever1 it did not take me by surprise4 ,i was1 as it were1 prepared for it1 and could receive it calmly and act coolly4 ,in two hours ,i was on my way to him1 confident in my own strength1 for no care of him present could be the weight on my mind which the thought of him absent had been2 and the bodily exertion was not as great as ,i had been for some time making1 having been nearly all summer without my quantum of help4 ,i found him very sick1 but surrounded by kindness4 ,he soon began to mend1 and we jogged homewards4 ,harriet had been with me1 so that ,i could leave my children without any anxiety2 and the journey1 and the happiness which accompanied it1 did me good4 ,i have been gaining ever since1 and ,mr4 ,ware too4 ,i am now so well1 that ,i can walk an hour before breakfast1 and into ,boston with ease2 and to-day ,i have had the unspeakable joy of hearing my husband perform all the services of the pulpit4 ,this is a point that ,i have so often thought of as the one blessing which ,i dared not hope for1 and have believed that1 if it could be granted1 ,i should have nothing more to ask for1 that ,i hardly know how ,i feel1 now that it is actually granted4 ,one thing more1 however1 ,i must ask1--that ,i may be truly grateful for it4 ,yours as ever4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 ,happy was it for ,mrs4 ,ware if she could be always prepared for change and trial4 ,for while her life was a favored one1 and so regarded by her1 few enjoying more in any condition1 she was equally alive to all suffering1 and seldom knew a long exemption4 ,so far1 however1 she had been spared all trial in regard to her children4 ,not that they had been free from sickness1 or had caused no solicitude1 for there had been much of both2 but their lives had been continued1 and at this time she was rejoicing in their health4 ,three of them she had just taken to ,milton1 to enjoy a week with them at ,brush ,hill1 where she had spent so much of her early life1 but where she had not been at all since her children were born4 ,pleasantly does she contrast her present with her former enjoyment there4 ,writing to her husband from this place1 she says3--,i am enjoying myself much1 but find ,i was quite mistaken in thinking ,i could turn into ,mary ,pickard again by the power of association4 ,i do very well under that character through the day1 but with nightfall the remembrance of home comes over me2 the idea of the husband and child ,i have left there1 and the three chickens who are asleep up stairs1 rises before my mind's eye1 as so many more blessings than poor ,polly could boast1 that ,i resign my pretensions with a very grateful heart4 ,i am sorry1 dear ,henry1 that you could not be a little longer with me here1 7among other very disinterested reasons17 that ,i might read you sundry chapters in the life of that interesting personage just named1--chapters which are written about upon these trees and stone walls1 and which no other place could recall4 ,it is very delightful for me to live over those days again1 and ,i am sure my mind will be refreshed by this visit1 if my body is not4 ,as to this latter concern1 it does as well as ,i could expect4 ,this visit was made just before her summons to ,mr4 ,ware's bedside at ,concord4 ,after their return to ,cambridge1 they took possession of a new house just built for them2 and one of the first events that occurred in that house was the death of ,mrs4 ,ware's first-born1 ,robert1 then three and a half years of age4 ,it was a sore trial1 and well do we remember the spirit in which it was met2 for it was our privilege to be staying with them at the time1 and to be present at the parting4 ,the little sufferer had endeared himself to us all by his patience and sweetness of disposition4 ,separated from his parents in early infancy1 and remaining apart until he was two years old1 they had taken him back1 when they returned1 as a fresh gift from ,god2 and though another had been granted them1 there was a peculiar feeling connected with him1 which every parent will understand4 ,movingly now does the scene return to us1 of the mother sitting silently and reverently at the side of her expiring boy2 and when the gentle breathing wholly ceased1 asking--still silently--the husband and father1 who knelt by her1 to pray4 ,faintly1 tremulously1 more and more distinctly1 and then most fervently1 did that voice of submission and supplication fall upon our ears1 and fill our eyes1 and lift the heart into a region which death never enters6 ,as the voice ceased1 the mother fainted2 but soon she rose1 stronger rather than weaker1 and ready for every duty4 ,in referring to this bereavement afterward1 she says1 in the thought of her husband's constant danger3 ,having had so long the greatest possible trial hanging over my head1 every thing else seems comparatively easy to bear2 and ,i sometimes doubt1 whether any thing but that one will ever wean me from the world1 as ,i think a ,christian should be4 ,how much she felt1 and how much she trusted1 may be seen in her first letter after this trial4 ,cambridge1 ,december #ca1 #ahca4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,again does this anniversary find us inhabitants of this world1 and again1 as usual1 does it present in my lot something of solemn and interesting import1 upon which we may dwell with profit for a time4 ,it is a privileged hour1 and ,i shall use it as ,i have been wont to do1 in the full indulgence of selfish egotism1 trusting that some good may result to us both from it4 ,what does the retrospect of the year present to me8 ,my husband and myself have been again raised from the bed of sickness and threatened death1 and ,i have been called upon to restore to ,him who gave one of the dearest treasures which ,his providence had bestowed upon me4 ,these are great events for one short year1 designed to produce great effects1 involving great responsibility1 bestowing great privileges4 ,my own sickness brought with it many pleasures1 many pure and elevating views and feelings2 and although it did not bring me to that cheerful willingness to resign my life after which ,i strove and hoped to attain1 it thereby threw light upon the weakness of my religious character1 calculated to subdue presumptuous self-dependence1 and teach a lesson of humility which may perhaps be of more importance and advantage to my growth in holiness4 ,my husband's danger renewed the so oft repeated testimony that strength is ever at hand for those who need it1 gave me another exercise of trust in that mighty arm which can save to the uttermost1 and in its result is a new cause for gratitude to ,him who has so abundantly blessed me all the days of my life4 ,and now has come this new trial of my faith1 this new test of its reality1 that there may be no hiding-place left for me1 no light wanting by which to search into the hidden recesses of the spirit to 'see if there be any wicked way in it4' ,and whatever may be the result of this strict scrutiny1 am ,i not to be thankful for it8 ,am ,i not to feel that it is indeed the kindest love that subjects me to it8 ,we feel it a privilege that a child should have earthly parents to guide1 counsel1 and correct it2 and shall we not be grateful to that ,heavenly ,parent who does the same in a far better manner8 ,i would thank ,god that he has by his past dispensations taught me the duty and happiness of submission1 so that ,i can bow to the rod1 and desire only to see how its chastisement is to be used and improved4 ,i have always looked upon the death of children rather as a subject for joy than sorrow1 and have been perplexed at seeing so many1 who would bear what seemed to me much harder trials with firmness1 so completely overwhelmed by this1 as is frequently the case4 ,but ,i know that upon any point in which we have had no personal experience we cannot form a correct judgment1 and therefore ,i have never had any definite anticipations of its effect upon myself4 ,i am thankful to find that the general views upon which my former opinions have been founded are not obscured by the flood of new emotions which actual experience brings4 ,i can resign my child into the hands of its ,maker1 with as strong a belief as ,i ever had1 that it is a blessing to itself to be removed1 'untasked1 untried1' from a world in which the result of labor and trial is so doubtful4 ,it is a blessing to be taken from the care of ignorant1 powerless human teachers1 to the guidance of higher and holier and perfect instructors2 so that its pure spirit will not now be sullied by the pollutions of this degraded world1 but go on from glory to glory until it has attained the full measure of the stature of a child of ,god4 ,you know too well what are the hopes and enjoyments belonging to the relation of parent and child1 to require to be told how hard it is to lay them all aside2 and there was something in the peculiar circumstances of the birth and life of this child1 which could not but give a peculiar character to our connection with him4 ,and so he has passed from us2 but what a comfort to know that we have not lost him6 ,we had a visit from ,dr4 ,channing yesterday1 in which he spoke so gloriously of the honor of having given a child to heaven1 as to elevate me far above common considerations4 ,but enough2 think of us still as happy4 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,one of the traits of ,mrs4 ,ware's character--not named for its singularity or distinction1 but simply as a fact1 noticed by all who knew her--was the amount of time and strength which she devoted to her children4 ,with all the sicknesses1 which from this period came almost constantly either to her or her husband1 and which are apt to make such sad inroads upon our quiet and faithful intercourse with our children1--amid all her domestic cares1 of which she took as large a share1 in every department1 as perhaps any woman ever did in a similar position1 feeling and seeing1 all the time1 the painful need of a rigid economy1 in the midst of never-ceasing and never-limited hospitality1--her thoughtfulness and care for each child1 in regard to the body1 the mind1 and the soul1 seemed literally uninterrupted4 ,and this care of her children reached them in their absence as well as their presence4 ,in the summer after ,robert's death1 the oldest son1 ,john1 was placed at school in ,framingham1 where he remained several years2 and seldom did he fail to receive1 not only faithful letters1 but a journal of daily doings1 from his mother's pen1 though she long remained feeble1 and was now the mother of another infant1 which she was compelled to put out to nurse4 ,another term of severe illness ensued1 causing a lameness of long duration4 ,but as soon as possible1 indeed all along1 she was doing something for the absent son4 ,when you left home1 my dear ,john1 she writes in ,july1 #ahcb1 ,i thought ,i should soon be well enough to write you1 and intended to keep a journal for you of what went on amongst us1 to be sent to you every fortnight2 but now you have been gone two months1 and ,i have not been able to write to you once1 so little can we calculate upon the future4 ,i have been obliged to keep my bed a great part of the time1 and am not yet able to walk across the room without much pain4 ,i have not been down stairs1 excepting twice1 when ,i was carried in arms to the front door1 and rode about ten minutes1 which hurt me so much that ,i shall not try it again very soon4 ,i tell you all this1 that you may understand how impossible it has been for me to fulfil my promise to you4 ,i have thought much of you1 and rejoiced to hear so often from you that you were happy and improving4 ,when ,i have felt that ,i should never get well1 and perhaps never see you again in this world1 ,i have been very anxious about you1 and have prayed most fervently that ,god would guide you in the right path1 and hoped that you would live to be a comfort to your father when ,i was gone4444 ,this is a busy week with us2 yesterday being ,exhibition1 to-day ,valedictory1 to-morrow the ,theological ,exhibition in the morning and a public meeting of the ,philanthropic ,society in the afternoon4 ,we shall have an open house1 and hope to have as many friends with us as we had last year4 ,an open house1 filled with friends1 all welcomed and in some way entertained by the lady of the house1 who is not able to walk across the room without pain6 ,we doubt not there are hundreds of such cases1 some it may be1 more trying and more remarkable2 but it does not alter the fact1 nor make it less worthy of notice in a woman who did all that ,mrs4 ,ware did4 ,it was a feature of ,mrs4 ,ware's domestic character1 that the throng of cares and conflict of duties seldom worried her4 ,many are they who are as diligent and faithful1 but yet live in a perpetual hurry and fret4 ,she knew the danger1 and brought all her power and principle to withstand it1 even in the smallest matters4 ,often have we heard her lamenting the necessity of spending so much of life in mere drudgery1 ministering to the perishing but never-satisfied body2 a necessity and service that devolve upon many women1 and take from them the opportunity of high mental and spiritual culture1 unless they carry into these daily duties and petty cares a calm spirit and a cheerful tone1 with an elevated and steadfast purpose4 ,such was ,mary's habitual endeavor4 ,the difficulty1 and the frequent failure1 none were more ready to own4 ,she never satisfied herself1 but she never flagged4 ,she never worried4 ,sudden interruptions1 culinary disappointments1 shoals of visitors with little of preparation1 were not allowed to chill her welcome or cloud their enjoyment4 ,there were no apologies at that table4 ,if unexpected guests were not always filled1 they were never annoyed1 nor suffered to think much about it4 ,a clergyman1 who visited the house often as a student1 says of ,mrs4 ,ware3 ,i remember the wonder ,i felt at her humility and dignity in welcoming to her table on some occasion a troop of accidental guests1 when she had almost nothing to offer but her hospitality4 ,the absence of all apologies and of all mortification1 the ease and cheerfulness of the conversation1 which became the only feast1 gave me a lesson never forgotten1 although never learned4 ,are these little things8 ,they fill a large place in life1 and have much to do with its solid comfort4 ,they affect the temper1 they enter into the character1 and may help or hinder our best power and improvement4 ,we introduce them here because they are little4 ,there was not much in the life we are penning that was not little in some comparisons4 ,it is the life of a plain1 retiring1 domestic woman4 ,it is an example not beyond the reach of any who desire to reach it4 ,we wish to show it just as it was2 and to show1 that of nothing was it more clearly the result1 in nothing does its value more clearly consist1 than in the power of ,christian faith and simple goodness4 ,we have sometimes thought it would be well if all parishioners1 those especially who are quick to discern the failings and slow to understand the labors of their pastor1 could spend a few weeks in his house1 and get some idea of the variety1 complexity1 arduousness1 and endlessness of his duties4 ,but from the picture which ,mrs4 ,ware gives of the life at ,cambridge1 we should infer that the engagements and interruptions of most parishes were light in the comparison4 ,i used to think ,boston life a very busy and irregular one2 but our life here is far more so4 ,there1 there were some hours in the day in which1 from conventional custom1 one was secure of being quiet4 ,but here1 neither early hours nor late1 neither rain nor tempest1 are any security against interruption2 and often1 very often1 does a whole day pass without either my husband or myself having one moment for our own occupations1 or even a chance to exchange a single sentence of recognition4 ,i do not complain of this1 for it is inevitable4 ,i must believe it is our appointed duty4 ,but it seems sometimes a most unprofitable mode of passing away life2 at least it is very difficult to make progress in the things one most desires1 when our time and our thoughts are so little at our own disposal4 ,still1 amid all these calls and cares1 the journal continues1 and full sheets of companion-like narration or maternal counsel go to the schoolboy at ,framingham1 who is having some of the trials of school-life1 petty1 but serious4 ,dear ,john1 it is time you had another letter1 and ,i am very glad to be able to write you one2 it is the next best thing to sitting down by you and having a good chat4 ,i should very much like to look in upon you1 and know exactly how you get along4 ,i hope you will continue to bear any provocation you may receive with perfect quietness and forbearance4 ,such conduct as you describe is not worthy of notice2 and if you persevere in doing right1 and show no arrogance or pride about it1 you will gain their respect in time1 that is1 of all who are worth gaining4 ,i am very glad you have ,mr4 ,abbot's book 7,the ,young ,christian74 ,i thought of you when ,i was reading it1 and felt as if it would be very useful to you4 ,you will find much in it which you never thought of1 and much of which you will see a counterpart within yourself1 if you examine yourself faithfully4 ,it seemed to me1 while reading it1 that ,i was looking into a glass which reflected myself2 for ,i have lived long enough to know more about myself than ,i used to at your age1 and ,i often wish that ,i had had such looking-glasses then2 ,i should1 ,i think1 have been saved many a feeling of self-reproach1 and many a foolish and sinful action4 ,you can hardly imagine now how great a blessing you possess in the watchful care which is extended over you by your dear father2 may it never be withdrawn from you until you have learned to guide yourself by the high and holy principles of ,christian virtue6 ,it shows ,mr4 ,ware's apprehensions in regard to his wife's health as well as his own1 that1 in a letter to the same son1 he writes3 ,i find that your two parents are in very frail health1 and probably destined to a short life4 ,you will perhaps1 therefore1 be left at an early age to take care of yourself4 ,we learn still more of their mental and social life at this period from two letters which ,mrs4 ,ware wrote at the end of the years #ahcb and #ahcc2 there having been little variety between1 except a journey south as far as ,alexandria1 which they took together1 for recreation and health1 early in #ahcc1 with a few later incidents referred to in the letters4 ,cambridge1 ,december #ca1 #ahcb4 ,,dear ,n----3 ,f---- prophesied1 ten years ago1 that friendship between married women could not be of long continuance4 ,he did not know that there is in woman's nature something which woman only can fully understand2 or his knowledge of human nature in general would have shown him that the love of sympathy will triumph over many an obstacle1 which would be a perfect barrier to a less powerful motive4 ,who but a woman1 and one too who knows the exact mould in which one's soul is fashioned1 would understand what it has been to me to stand on the verge of the grave1 in full possession of the whole intellectual being1 and prepare myself to leave such an assemblage of blessings as have fallen to my lot1--husband1 children1 friends1 and the delightful duties which accompany these relations1--and then to be restored to them all1 with an added gift6 ,and all without one drawback1 but my own want of sensibility1 to make the blessing as great as it would be with a more sensitive heart4 ,perhaps no one can fully comprehend it who has not been placed in exactly the same situation4 ,but you can come nearer to it than any one else1 and you will not wonder that the past should seem to me one of the most valuable years of my life4 ,i have often wished for just this experience1 when ,i have felt how ineffectual were the monitors of ,providence in awakening that deep sense of ,god's goodness1 and that clear conviction of the reality of a future state1 which are so important to the ,christian life4 ,i have almost envied those who were permitted to approach so nearly to the gates of death as to give up all expectation of a prolonged life4 ,it has seemed as if this appeal must be irresistible2 as if there could be no more deadness1 or apathy1 or indifference1 after this4 ,one could not come back to the world and be absorbed as before in its short-lived pursuits4 ,but vain is the hope1 ,i begin to fear1 of our being raised by any thing so much above the world1 as not to be subject to the power of the tempter while we live in it4 ,the physical weakness which enables us to realize the uncertain tenure by which we are connected with this world is gradually changed into strength1 and the power to act brings with it the desire2--and who shall easily set bounds to this desire8 ,it is the all-consuming monster that cries1 ',give6 give6' until we do give it every day1 every hour1 every thought1--until the present alone occupies us1 and1 alas6 satisfies us too4 ,is this exaggeration1 merely a dark picture drawn from my own sad experience8 ,i hope it is4 ,but ,i am going too far1 filling all my paper with croaking1 when ,i have so pleasant a picture of my 'outer man' to present to you4 ,we are all well2 that is1 well enough to be free from anxiety on the subject2--neither ,henry nor ,i good for much beyond a very narrow sphere1 but free from disease4 ,i keep very quietly at home4 ,indeed1 ,i cannot do otherwise2 a ride into ,boston tires me so much1 that ,i am not fit for any thing for a day after2 a walk does the same4 ,so ,i am fain to content myself with my home comforts2 and to this end ,i have converted my chamber into a study1 where ,henry writes1 ,i work1 and ,nanny plays all the livelong day4 ,it is more like ,sheafe ,street comfort than any thing we have had since4 ,my husband's social habits1 and the fact of our having lived so much together for the last three years1 make it particularly pleasant to him to be saved the trouble of going in search of me whenever he wants to read a sentence or say a word2 and for the same reasons1 it is very pleasant to me to have so much of his presence without feeling that he is taken off from his rightful pursuits by it4 ,january #a1 #ahcc6 ,a happy new year to you all6 ,yours truly4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,cambridge1 ,december #ca1 #ahcc4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,i am inclined to think that it is our inordinate estimate of the happiness of this life1 and our vague1 half-sceptical notions of a future state1 that make us grieve so much when such spirits as ,elizabeth ,b---- are withdrawn from us4 ,i don't know1 but ,i sometimes greatly fear that we do not bring home the reality of the future as we should do2 we are so occupied with our theories of right principles of action and correct ideas of moral conduct in this life 7all very good in their place71 and so afraid of falling into the extravagant exercise of the imagination1 which has betrayed so many of our opponents in doctrine into enthusiasm and folly1 that we lose sight of the good influences which such contemplations might have upon our hearts4 ,this year has been to me one of less variety than any of the last six4 ,my husband's long sickness in the spring1 and the efforts consequent upon it1 were the source of much anxiety1 and in some points a new experience4 ,but ,i have had for so long a time only to bear and submit1 that my mind has settled itself into that attitude1 and it is no longer an effort4 ,it is quite another thing1 when it becomes my duty to exercise my energies in positive acts1--when others are looking to me for guidance1 when my habitual influence is to form the character of this child and check the waywardness of that1 with all the train of active duties which devolve upon a married woman1--then ,i am overpowered and powerless4 ,i wished you had been by my side on ,sunday1 while ,i sat in my old corner in ,federal ,street meeting-house1 listening to that voice which is to us both associated with some of our best religious impressions4 ,i went to hear ,dr4 ,channing1 for the second time only since ,i returned home1 as much for the sake of recalling old associations as from any expectation of new influences2 for it does me good now and then to go back to what ,i was1 the better to understand what ,i am4 ,if he had known just what ,i was suffering1 he could not have adapted himself more entirely to my case4 ,he was upon some of the obstacles which may prevent our use of the present moment for improvement2 and he enlarged upon the tendency to rest satisfied with past attainments4 ,because we had at one period of our lives been deeply moved and strongly influenced by religious motives1--had performed some great acts of benevolence1 or sustained ourselves under great trial with fortitude and submission1--we deluded ourselves with the idea1 that we had attained a height from which we could not fall4 ,but no mistake could be more ruinous4 ,the past was nothing1 except as it influenced the present4 ,we trust too much to future improvement1 to a vague notion of gradual progress1--we know not exactly how1 or by what means4 ,but as we are not conscious of becoming worse1 we think we must be growing better1 and shall by and by be all that we ought to be4 ,or we hope for more favorable circumstances to influence us1 and expect to be1 we know not why1 in a more fit state at some other time for our religious duties4 ,had ,i room1 ,i could give you a long story about this1 for my mind is full of it4 ,but ,i have another word to say upon the fact of our giving so much time to the mere outside of life1 to the employment of our fingers1 the mere mechanical employments pertaining to the body4 ,it is a question with me1 whether it is not a duty to be satisfied with a less elegant1 and even a less comfortable style of life1 rather than take so much from the cultivation of the intellectual and spiritual1 when1 as is so often the case now-a-days1 we must either do the drudgery ourselves or leave it undone4 ,i don't know1--,i am puzzled4 ,i know that if we are doing our duty1 however mean may be our employment1 we are fulfilling our destiny1 and doing ,god the best service4 ,but the question is1 ,what is our duty8 ,and are we not in danger of mistaking the real nature of duty1 from too great a love of this world and the things of it8 ,this is one of the difficult questions1 which my husband and ,i try to settle4 ,i wish you would tell me what you think4 ,and here comes my ,willie1 with an imploring look to be taken up1--a reproving one1 too1 that in all this long letter neither he nor his family are so much as noticed4 ,all are well4 ,yours ever4 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,unusual freedom from sickness and apprehension was for a time enjoyed4 ,mrs4 ,ware was full of happiness and thankfulness4 ,it seems to me that never had people so much reason for gratitude as we2 and ,i think ,i never felt this more than at this time1 for ,i too am beginning to have the first feelings of health which ,i have known for a year and a half4 ,but a change came4 ,and with the letter which explains it we close this portion of the ,cambridge life4 ,cambridge1 ,may #d1 #ahcd4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 444 ,we have had our usual variety of sickness and health since ,i wrote to you in ,january4 ,soon after that1 ,i had a visit from my old1 and ,i thought conquered1 enemy1 the cramp2 not a very severe attack1 but sufficient to make me very good for nothing for a week1 in the course of which ,nanny had a very severe fall1 which for twenty-four hours made us apprehensive that we should have to part with her4 ,but this trial was spared us1 in much mercy2 for two days after this1 ,elizabeth was very sick1 though not dangerously4 ,all this had its effect upon ,mr4 ,ware and myself1 and we have been the greater part of the time in the most disagreeable state of betwixity1 neither sick enough to be excused from labor1 nor well enough to do any thing profitable1--just good for nothing4 ,in the vacation in ,april1 ,mr4 ,ware went to ,portsmouth to collect materials for his ,memoir of ,dr4 ,parker1 intending by the way to go to ,exeter4 ,the day after he went1 my ,willie1 who had been the very perfection of health and happiness all winter1 began to droop1 and1 notwithstanding pretty efficient measures1 in a few days became the subject of decided lung fever2 not very sick1 but requiring constant watching and careful attention4 ,a week from the day he was taken1 he had a severe spasmodic attack1 from which we thought he would never revive2 and when1 after various measures1 he began to breathe again1 we sat for four hours expecting that every moment would be his last4 ,it was a season of severe trial1 not a little increased by his father's absence1 and the impossibility of his reaching home until this sweet child must be for ever removed from his sight4 ,yet it was not for me to learn then1 for the first time1 that ,he who sends trial always gives strength to bear it4 ,i knew it would be so1 and in that faith ,i rested in peace and tranquillity4 ,but this blow1 too1 was averted4 ,after a long struggle he revived1 and ,i realized1 what ,i had never known before1 that this second birth1 as it were1 of a child is a far more affecting cause for gratitude and joy than the first gift ever can be4 ,it was a great experience in many ways4 ,it helped me to understand the feeling of those who were witnesses of miracles more than any thing ,i ever met with4 ,for all human means were at an end2 nothing could be done but to pray that the ,almighty ,power1 to whom all things were possible1 might yet interpose to save4 ,and the fact of having been carried through such a trial with entire submission and calmness1--what confidence does it not give in the all-sufficient power of that religion which can alone succor one in such an hour of need6 ,the kindness1 too1 which such an occasion calls forth from those around us1 is not the least of its blessings4 ,it makes us view human kind more justly than we are sometimes inclined to do1 and sinks for ever some of those petty and contemptuous feelings which will sometimes rise towards those with whom we have but little sympathy4 ,my husband returned after all this was over1 quite sick2 but he did return without the necessity of my going to him1 and returned to be the better for being at home1 gaining every moment after he entered his house4 ,all this was during that bright1 warm interval in ,april1 when nature seemed buoyant with joy4 ,we had just completed our summer arrangements1 and altogether it seemed to me as if ,i had begun existence anew4 ,although somewhat exhausted by the struggle1 ,i really am better than for months past4 ,yours ever4 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,,xi4 ,,life ,,in ,,cambridge4 7,,continued47 ,it is the misfortune of those who are often sick to be blamed for their sicknesses in proportion as they are active and laborious when well4 ,their energy is sure to be considered the cause of subsequent and frequent debility2 and if not blamed1 they find less compassion or kind consideration than the indolent and self-indulgent4 ,these last may be sick all the time1 and it is ascribed only to nature or the providence of ,god4 ,but the conscientious and energetic1 who accomplish wonders for themselves or others in their brief intervals of health1 and possibly in sickness likewise1 are accused of imprudence and a sinful disregard of self2 while in truth it may be only by extreme care and unknown self-denials that they are able to accomplish any thing4 ,if ,mary ,ware was ever severely censured1 we suppose it to have been in connection with this matter of health4 ,few women have been blessed with a better constitution1 or greater power of action4 ,with an almost masculine frame1 there was such a degree of firmness with her gentleness1 as always gave the idea of more strength than was wanted4 ,we doubt if in early life she ever thought of saving her strength1 so accustomed was she to do any thing that needed to be done1 without saying or thinking much about it4 ,she who had been the sole nurse of a sick mother at the age of eleven or twelve1 and1 as another describes her then1 going through all the offices of the sick-room with the firmness of a woman1 holding on leeches with her little hand1 and performing all the necessary duties1 not absolutely from necessity1 but from so much love and so much confidence that no one else was wanted1--she who had scarcely1 from that period until middle life1 been free from care and toil for the sick and suffering1--might be pardoned if she became self-relying1 or at least self-forgetting4 ,and yet when at last that vigorous frame was impaired1 and the overwrought energies of body and mind partially gave way1 so that the remainder of her life was subject to constant fluctuations of strength and weakness1 powerful exertion and acute suffering1 she does not seem to us to have been presumptuous or ever reckless4 ,it is evident now1 if it was not at the time1 that she made this as much a matter of sober calculation and conscientious questioning as any thing1 and much more than is common4 ,still she tells us that she was blamed for her imprudence2 and she brings instances from her own experience to show the frequent error of judging of what one does1 or forbears to do1 by the apparent result1 rather than from knowledge or by principle4 ,people judge by consequences1 or what seem to be consequences1 rather than by reasoning upon premises4 ,it is partly to show how ,mrs4 ,ware defended herself1 and at the same time submitted to counsel and was grateful for admonition1 and partly to show how singularly insulated she must have been in her early training and her self-formed character1 that we introduce the following note1 written to a lady who acted the part of a true friend4 ,the date is not given1 but the note itself shows that it was written the year of the journey to the ,south already mentioned1 when she accompanied her husband at some risk to herself4 ,,my ,,dear1 ,,good ,,friend3-- ,i cannot thank you as ,i would for your kind note4 ,i have not words wherewith to picture to you the joy ,i feel1 that there is any one human being in existence who is willing to admonish me freely4 ,if you have told me nothing new1 your words are none the less welcome1 for one cannot have the truth too frequently presented to the mind and although we may have all knowledge1 it is not often that we can grasp it all at one glance1 or even that we remember the points most useful to us at the time being4 ,you will not think ,i boast1 when ,i say that one and all the views you present have long formed part of the rule of action by which ,i have tried to govern myself1 because ,i know you will easily understand the deep-searching1 ,argus-eyed vigilance1 which one wholly self-educated almost inevitably acquires4 ,i never have had1 since ,i can remember1 a principle of action suggested to me1 or a word said to show me why one action was wrong and another right4 ,for many years a whisper of blame never reached my ears2 and when at last it came like a flood upon me1 there was no friendly looking-glass near to point out to me the deformity from which my mistakes arose4 ,at ten years of age ,i waked up to a sense of the danger of the state of indulgence in which ,i was living4 ,at thirteen1 by the death of my mother1 ,i was left wholly to my own guidance1 externally as well as internally2 and from that time to this ,i have labored night and day to know1 discipline1 and govern myself1 as ,i would a child for whose soul ,i was responsible4 ,dr4 ,channing's sermons and conversation are the only effectual human guide ,i ever had1 until ,i was married4 ,having no one to whom to speak1 and but one friend to whom ,i could write upon the subject1 no wonder that my habits of thought should have been more cultivated than of conversation2 no wonder the whole ground of self-deception1 self-distrust1 self-aggrandizement1 should have been gone over again and again until every root was displaced and exposed to view2 though1 alas6 not a hundredth part eradicated4 ,now this is not to my point1 but you will still see that you have done me good by making me feel thus loquacious and unreserved with you4 ,you remind me that ,i omitted one item in my defence1 the mere mention of which will answer many of your queries4 ,who can tell how often a person1 blamed for the disregard of many considerations which ought to influence the conduct1 is inflamed by those very considerations1 restrained by those very motives8 ,we see what is done2 we cannot see what is forborne4 ,in proof of this1 after ,i recovered from the long illness which followed immediately upon my arrival at home1 three and a half years ago1 it was five or six months before ,i felt any thing like elasticity of mind or body2 the least effort fatigued me2 ,i looked perfectly well1 and every body was asking me why ,i did not go here1 there1 and everywhere4 ,i knew from my feelings that ,i still needed rest1 and ,i took it4 ,change of air1 consequent upon the necessity of attending ,mr4 ,ware in his sickness at ,concord1 produced a great change in my whole feelings4 ,i seemed well again2 but ,i knew my system had materially suffered while abroad1 and ,i determined religiously to abstain from all effort of all kinds that did not seem perfectly safe4 ,no one knew any thing about it1 ,i was so well4 ,still ,i persevered4 ,i literally did not walk across the room1 or eat a meal1 that winter1 without deliberately arguing the case1--was it best or not8 ,in this healthy state1 ,i went to ,dr4 ,w4's lecture1 and was very prudent afterward2 yet when my severe sickness commenced1 it was all laid to that lecture2 ,i was talked to1 even in its worst stages1 as if to be sick was a crime1 and ,i have not to this day heard the last of it4444 ,again1 ,i never in my whole life did so imprudent a thing as undertaking the journey ,i did last spring2 there was no one reason against the probability1 almost certainty1 of its injuring me4 ,i knew the risk2 no one else did4 ,i took the risk1 because ,i thought the object authorized it4 ,the result1 after much suffering by the way1 was favorable1 and all was well4 ,had it been otherwise1 there would have been voices enough to point out that it was wrong4444 ,there is one simple question which ,i wish to have answered1--,how do other people attain infallible correctness of judgment8 ,is it by experience or intuition8 ,if the former1 have they not suffered from their experiments1 sometimes erred in their calculations1 and should they not have charity for others who are going over the same ground8 ,if by the latter1 should they not pity those less favored than themselves8 ,i will not trouble you any more with my egotism4 ,remember1 the best favor you can confer is1 when you think ,i am doing wrong1 to check me1 ask me why1 show me wherein ,i deceive myself2 and never fear to speak plainly to your grateful friend1 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,there is another province into which the really high-minded and independent will carry the same conscientiousness1 with equal firmness4 ,it is a province often regarded as low and little4 ,nothing is little that involves principles and affects character4 ,and what does this more than ,dress8 ,it is a matter to which few can be indifferent1 even in a pecuniary view2 and that is by no means the highest view4 ,love of dress is admitted to be one of the earliest passions that appear in human nature1 and may be said to be a universal passion4 ,if it be stronger in one sex than in the other1--a fact more easily assumed than demonstrated1--she is the nobler woman1 wife1 and mother who gives it its proper place among the elements of education1 and both deigns and dares to speak of it and act upon it as a ,christian4 ,so did ,mrs4 ,ware speak and act4 ,the circumstances in which she had always been placed1 inducing the habit and the necessity of strict frugality1 as we have seen1 would alone have prevented her from overlooking so large an item in the domestic and social economy4 ,but besides this1 she had regard to the integrity of her principles1 and the influence of example4 ,she aimed evidently at two points1 not easily attained together1--to make little of the whole matter of dress1 and1 at the same time1 bring it under the control of a high ,christian rule4 ,as to her own attire1 we should say no one thought of it at all1 because of its simplicity1 and because of her ease of manners and dignity of character4 ,yet this impression is qualified1 though in one view confirmed1 by hearing that1 in a new place of residence1 so plain was her appearance on all occasions1 the villagers suspected her of reserving her fine clothes for some better class1--a suspicion only amusing to those who knew her1 but sure to give pain to her benevolent heart4 ,in another note to the female friend last addressed1 she expresses her thoughts and describes her practice on this subject1 so simply and sensibly1 that we cannot hesitate to offer all of it except the specific and personal applications2 while these1 if they could be given1 would show yet more how consistent and thorough she was4 ,saturday ,evening1 ,january #ag1 #ahce4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,i have such a poor faculty at expressing myself in speech1 that ,i never feel that ,i have quite done myself justice in any delicate matter1 when ,i have used only oral means4 ,i have felt this peculiarly since ,i left you this afternoon1 because some expressions of mine have recurred to my mind's ear1 which ,i thought might possibly be construed by you into a very different meaning from their intended one4 ,i do not1 as you know1 like to trouble my friends with the discussions of questions merely personal1 and which ,i ought to be able to decide for myself unaided2 and the whole subject of dress seems1 at a first glance1 so trifling1 that most people would laugh at my having a serious thought about it4 ,but to me1 the least thing which can have an influence upon the character of my children becomes in my eyes a matter of deep importance2 and for this reason ,i have really longed to enter upon this said subject with some one who could look at it in the same light1 or who could disabuse me of my anxiety about it1 if it was a foolish one4 ,accident has opened the door to your ear1 and if you can have patience with me1 and ,i can find words to tell you what ,i mean1 ,i may some time or other try your friendship in this way4 ,to go back a little4 ,when we went to ,europe1 you may know it was the liberality of our friends1 and the goodwill of the ,corporation1 which enabled us to undertake the expense of so long a tour4 ,we calculated very well for such novices1 but could not anticipate the great additional draft which a child's birth and the journey home would make upon our resources4 ,consequently we returned in debt4 ,this debt we had hoped to liquidate by living within our salary1 and thus laying by a little every year4 ,four years' experiment has proved this hope fallacious4 ,every year has brought with it some occasion of great extra expense1 which has taken up what might otherwise have been laid by for this purpose4 ,we have had1 you know1 a great deal of sickness1 and there have been other contingencies which it is not necessary to enumerate4 ,these may not occur again1 but past experience proves that we have no right to calculate upon such exemptions2 and it becomes1 therefore1 more than ever necessary that we economize in the strictest manner1 to do all we can to free ourselves from this burden1 and to do justice to others4 ,our children1 of course1 are acquainted with this state of affairs1 and it is right that they should do their part1 and from right motives4 ,they know1 as we do1 that there are many expenses of daily occurrence in which there cannot be any retrenchment consistent with our obligations to our friends and the situation we hold in society1--such as the calls of hospitality and charity4 ,but they ought to feel that all personal sacrifices are to be made that can be1 according to a standard of propriety which a high moral sense would dictate4 ,this1 of course1 must be in some measure an arbitrary standard1 to be settled as much by experiment and example as by reasoning4 ,i have therefore had but few rules upon the subject1 leaving to each occasion which brings up the question all argumentation1 taking care to have as little discussion as may be possible1 lest it become in any way the subject of too much thought4 ,this is particularly to be avoided with regard to dress1 and upon this ,i have been more puzzled than on any other branch1 as both our elder children are just of an age to require very 'judgmatical' treatment upon it4 ,my rule for myself is1 as ,i told you1 to do without every thing which ,i can decently1 making my own ideas of decency1 not others'1 the standard4 ,it is a difficult matter1 especially as ,i make no pretensions to good taste1 or good faculty1 about externals2 but this1 ,i maintain1 does not alter the question of duty4444 ,i feel that ,i am trying your patience with much ado about a small thing4 ,but it is my weak side to wish to be thoroughly understood by my friends1 weak points and all2 and it helps me to understand myself1 thus to try to make others understand me4 ,i have not a word of complaint to make4 ,we are far better provided for than is necessary to our happiness4 ,we could live upon our income and grow rich1 were our wishes only our rule2 but as we are situated1 it is not easy to make 'all ends meet1' as the phrase is2 and as our five children grow every day older1 it becomes more and more difficult every year4 ,can you teach me to economize8 ,i fear1 however1 that if you could1 you could not insure me strength to carry your plan into execution4 ,no one who has not experienced it can tell how great a drawback sickness is to all saving1 especially when it comes upon the head of the house1 and when it requires the most expensive kinds of remedy4 ,but enough of all this4 ,i wish you would tell me if you do not think ,i am right in declining your offer4 ,i am always doubtful enough about my own judgment1 to be open to conviction from those who differ4 ,yours in all love4 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,the years #ahcd and #ahce are spoken of by ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware as peculiarly favored1 having little sickness or severe trial1 compared with other years4 ,but this must have been only a comparative view2 for we find several incidental allusions to a state of feebleness and inability1 which most of us would consider quite enough either for discipline or release from labor4 ,very pleasantly1 however1 does ,mrs4 ,ware speak of those interruptions and prostrations1 as if they were the ordinary condition4 ,to ,emma she writes3 ,could you have alighted upon us at any time within the last fortnight1 you would have found yourself at home4 ,nearly all last week ,mr4 ,ware and myself enjoyed a most social tete-a-tete upon the two beds which occupy my chamber1 neither of us capable of reading to the other1 nor1 a great part of the time1 of speaking2 ,i ill from the effects of the cramp1 he from the fatigue of taking care of me with it4 ,from this state we were compelled to rouse ourselves1 by having one domestic taken sick1 and ,nanny ---- ,all the rest you know4 ,this was said in #ahcd4 ,in the autumn of that year a daughter was born2 and for a time ,mrs4 ,ware was so helpless1 that she yielded more than was her wont to feelings of discouragement4 ,i did try to be hopeful2 but the idea of so long a period of uselessness1 and its consequent evils to my children and family1 was dreadful to me2 and ,i could not quite feel that ,i could receive it as patiently as ,i ought4 ,but severely does she chide herself for this distrust1 especially as the result was so much better than her fears4 ,she regained her health1 and soon enjoyed a greater sense of strength and energy than she had had since her marriage4 ,and this period of exemption--though not very long as regarded the health of all the household--was one of the seasons in which she strove to make amends for lost time1 and accomplished a vast deal4 ,not that there was any remarkable1 visible product4 ,she never labored for one object exclusively1 in doors or out1 and it would not be easy to point to definite results4 ,it may be doubted if she ever thought much of results1 or expected1 or even desired1 to see them in any sure and signal form4 ,to do all she could was her only ambition2 and she had the wisdom which is worth more than any other1--to be content with doing all she could1 only taking care that that word all should take in something more than the thought of earth1 or self4 ,she did not forget that objects and interests have a relative1 as well as positive importance2 and probably all who knew her well have marked this as a characteristic trait1--that she studied the exact proportion of the different claims upon her time1 and was more anxious to do justly than to do all things4 ,in our times1 and in a position like ,mr4 ,ware's1 there were sure to be numerous calls and claims abroad as well as at home1 and for a woman not less than a man4 ,we have not inquired as to the names or number of the benevolent societies and industrial enterprises in ,cambridge1 in which ,mrs4 ,ware took part4 ,that she gained any notoriety in this way1 we should be surprised to hear1 both from her multiplicity of duties1 and her preference of private to public activity4 ,yet that her influence was felt1 her judgment peculiarly relied upon1 and her presence always welcomed1 in these connections1 we know4 ,cases of moral want and exposure interested her most1 and we have reason to think that she was never without some such case on her hands or in her heart4 ,what she could not do herself1 in the gift of time or clothes or money1 she always induced others to do1 never suffering an object of actual want or peril to go unassisted4 ,very far was she above the poor apology1 that to do any thing for one sufferer will create more4 ,in a multitude of small notes given us1 written by her to various neighbors and friends1 we chanced to see in one1 so small as at first to be overlooked1 a few words that fixed attention2 and on reading it through1 we found1 in the compass of a few lines1 a whole volume of illustration as to her interest1 her courage1 and her power of indignation for selfish excuses4 ,we give it just as it was written to a neighbor1 another right-minded woman4 ,i have company1 therefore cannot answer you at length1 or as ,i wish4 ,i should have stepped in to see you this afternoon1 if ,i had not been prevented by callers1 to say a few words upon the subject of the latter part of your note4 ,i have to-day got at the poor man's wardrobe for the first time1 and determined to beg for some means to supply it with a few decencies1 for even they are wanting4 ,mr4 ,ware has thought it quite allowable to state the case to one or two of our rich men1 to raise enough to pay the expenses of his journey2 and ,i have just resolved to undertake the other matter4 ,but ,i am full of wrathful indignation at being sneered at for taking him in4 ',you will have enough ,english beggars at your door1 if you do so4' ,a good argument against relieving any distress6 ,so let the poor suffer as much as they may1--no relief1--for others will be idle and want relief too6--,m4 ,l4 ,w4 ,in another brief note1 we saw a statement of ,mrs4 ,ware1 to the effect that for many years she had not been without some case of intemperance on hand2 and a little inquiry tells us that it refers to her habit of helping the reformed and the struggling to get an honest living4 ,a ,ladies' ,aid ,society had been formed in ,cambridge1 with that special object2 and its ,president1 being obliged to leave home1 asked ,mrs4 ,ware to look after her patients1 when she found that ,mary had long been doing privately1 and by herself1 what they were doing as a society4 ,it may seem the language of enthusiastic friendship1 and our readers will deduct what they please on that account1 but we must give a passage from a recent letter1 written by one of the many theological students who had free access to ,mr4 ,ware's house and family4 ,in reference to ,mrs4 ,ware1 he writes3 ,i have often quoted her example since to those who make the cares of housekeeping an excuse for the neglect of all public offices4 ,she seemed to keep house better than any body else1 to exercise a larger and freer hospitality1 to make her tea-table a pleasant resort1 to provide more simply and at the same time more attractively1 while1 after all1 her domestic cares were only an incident in her daily duties4 ,she seemed to have time for every great out-door or general interest1 and to be full of schemes of benevolence and kindness4 ,and it was the easy1 natural way in which she performed these double functions that gave me such a sense of her power4 ,in regard to intercourse with general society and festive gatherings1 ,mary ,ware was often drawn to them1 not less by a social1 genial temper than by a sense of duty4 ,a duty even there she recognized and regarded2 a duty secondary1 certainly1 to many others1 but involving obligation when other duties came not in the way4 ,she believed that society had claims as well as the family1 and pure enjoyment as well as religion4 ,her social sympathies were always calm1 but never cold2 subdued1 but ardent1 and ever ready both to taste and impart pleasure4 ,her interest in children was a passion1 and her love of seeing and promoting their enjoyment as intense as any we have known4 ,she could ill brook any restraint put upon the freedom and joyousness of the young1 beyond the point of propriety or others' comfort4 ,her own convenience1 her rooms1 her whole house1 she would give up1 adding her powers of entertainment and enjoyment1 rather than make life cheerless or religion repulsive4 ,many scenes can we recall of childish glee and hearty frolic1 presided over1 shared1 and promoted by both the heads of that house1 with which are associated some of the happiest hours of life1 and the best4 ,we will always thank ,god that those two hearts1 which ,he was pleased to chasten with many sicknesses and sorrows1 were as genial and joyous as they were pure and humble4 ,there was one form of social entertainment--if it deserve the name--with which ,mrs4 ,ware had no sympathy1 and for which she had little charity4 ,indeed1 that indignation which we have seen enkindled by selfishness1 though not easily roused1 could not always restrain itself in the hearing of small gossip or busy scandal4 ,we said in the introduction to this ,memoir1 that not a single line or word allied to those petty vices have we found in the whole extent of her correspondence1 sober or trivial4 ,we are sure the same might be said of her conversation4 ,nor was this negative only4 ,there was a tone of decided displeasure1 and1 if necessary1 pointed reproof1 called forth at times by the spiteful or thoughtless scandal-monger4 ,she would not allow that we have a right to be thoughtless2 nor did she believe that we were sent into the world to scan a neighbor's conduct or impugn another's motives4 ,in a letter written at ,cambridge to a friend whom she had been to meet in ,boston1 but with whom her enjoyment had been greatly interrupted1 she thus expresses herself4 ,it is only tantalizing to meet in ,boston1 to fritter away the few moments of intercourse which we want for better purposes in the idle1 profitless gossip of city life4 ,is it because ,i have so little interest in other people1 or is it for a better reason1 that ,i have no patience with hearing people descant upon the whys and wherefores of their neighbors' concerns2 discussing their actions with as decided judgment upon their merits1 as if the secret springs of thought1 and all the various causes which led to them1 were as fully developed to us as they can be to the ,omniscient only8 ,i know we may learn much from others' experience1 both in warning and example2 and to do this1 we must closely observe them1 and follow or vary from their course as our own conscience and judgment may dictate4 ,but surely it is not necessary that we should be all the time speculating and gossiping with each other1 upon every portion of the lives of our neighbors1 or such portions as cannot from their very nature be of any importance to us in any way4 ,is it just to our minds so to employ them8 ,is it ,christian charity towards others8 ,i may see clearly my neighbor's faults1 and if there be any chance of doing him good by it1 ,i may speak of them to him freely4 ,i may consult a friend1 who ,i know will treat the subject with the same tender feeling that ,i have myself1 upon all the views which could result in good to the guilty or ourselves4 ,but to talk publicly to any and all about the matter1 for no possible result but the getting rid of so much time1 fostering contempt on the one hand and self-conceit on the other1 seems to me the wickedest abuse of the high privilege of speech that ,i know of1 next to absolute falsehood4 ,and how often does this habit lead to falsehood1 and all manner of injustice6444 ,but enough4 ,perhaps ,i am too much of a recluse to judge justly of the temptations of city life1 and am committing the very sin which ,i am condemning4 ,suffice it to say1 that thus was my whole comfort in town destroyed1 and ,i came home feeling that1 so far as regarded our knowledge of each other's inner woman1 we might as well not have met4 ,with all the variety of the ,cambridge life1 there was necessarily a sameness which makes it needless to mark every year1 or follow exactly the order of events4 ,the chief events of these twelve years were the death of one child1 the birth of four1 and the variations of health and sickness to both parents4 ,in the experience of sickness1 the year #ahcf brought one of the sorest visitations4 ,we subjoin ,mrs4 ,ware's account of it soon after its occurrence1 and her review of the year at its close4 ,cambridge1 ,may #bi1 #ahcf4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 444 ,you have heard1 no doubt1 enough of the outline of our story to have traced us in all our outward movements4 ,but you cannot know what rich experience the last four months have brought to us1 and the compass of a letter can tell you little4 ,the first stroke was a heavy one4 ,henry had been very well all winter1 and had gained a degree of strength and ability to labor unharmed1 which1 in our most sanguine moments1 we never even hoped for1 so that the disappointment was even greater than when he was taken ill at ,ware1 as the height from which he fell was greater4 ,he was attacked1 for the first time since that1 upon the lungs2 and when1 for the first few days1 it seemed quite reasonable to expect that the consequences1 if not even more alarming1 would be at least as lasting as those which followed the former attack1 the prospect was heart-sickening4 ,it required the industrious use of all the few moments of thought ,i could borrow from my occupations1 to gather strength enough to nerve me for the calm contemplation of the picture4 ,his own view of the case was a very reasonable one2 and the calmness with which he looked at the improbability of recovery1 was at once an aid and a source of high enjoyment to me4 ,a few weeks1 however1 gave us more encouragement2 the attack was not a severe one1 and yielded readily to the remedies applied4 ,and although we could not but look forward to a long confinement at that season of the year1 there was much in his state to give us pleasure4 ,his mind is always1 when he begins to recover1 in a very animated state1 very active1 and upon the most entertaining subjects4 ,this time he injured his eyes by looking over newspapers and books1 in the early part of his illness2 so that1 as soon as my most arduous duties as nurse ceased1 ,i had to commence those of reader and amanuensis4 ,i never was so literary in my life4 ,i did nothing but read and write2 nor have ,i done much else since1 for he cannot yet do either for himself4 ,thus passed ten weeks1 a period equal to our whole residence at ,ware and ,worcester2 and yet1 owing to the difference of the season1 he could not get out of his room more than once or twice a week1 when he was carried in arms to a carriage4 ,at this time1 too1 ,i sunk for a short term1 not with disease1 but exhaustion from confinement and incessant effort of some kind or other4 ,i soon got rested2 but whether from the interruption which this caused to ,henry's literary employments1 or because the time had come for a change1 ,i know not1--his own animation ceased1 and he seemed in danger of losing all his energy and strength for the want of air and exercise4 ,i had hoped that he would be sent to a warmer region as soon as he had strength to get there1 for air and exercise are always essential to his recovery4 ,but he dragged on1 until ,i was not willing to be submissive any longer2 and ,i begged that he might go to ,new ,york at least1 for a city is so much more protected than the country1 that he could walk there in weather that would have kept him in here4 ,i went to ,new ,york with him1 but could not well stay2 and as he was in a second home there1 it did not seem necessary4 ,he came home just in time to sit down by a fire during this long storm6 ,it was most unlucky1 but cannot be helped4 ,were it possible1 ,i would go off with him as soon as the sun shines1 to keep him from going to work4 ,i never say any thing is impossible1 but it seems to me next to it that ,i should leave home now4 ,all my five children are at home1--to say nothing of not having attended to any of my domestic duties since last ,january2--a little sewing to be done1 you may fancy4 ,still1 if it is necessary to go1 some way of effecting it will present itself4 ,yours in all true love4 ,,mary ,l4 ,,ware4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,december #ca1 #ahcf4 ,saturday ,night4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,what a crowd of recollections rush upon my mind as ,i date this letter6 ,it is nine years since ,i have affixed ',boston' to this annual epistle2 and the last ',saturday night' which found me thus occupied was eleven years ago1 at ,osmotherly1 #ahbe2 and the last time ,i wrote the whole date was to a note which accompanied a pair of pegged gloves which ,i sat up till midnight to finish for your brother1 in #ahad4 ,what an interesting and varied picture do these dates present to my mind's eye1 and how many remembrances are associated with them of joy and sorrow1 of trial and happiness6 ,i could willingly spend hours in recalling all in detail1 and ,i feel as if it would do us both good1 should ,i do so2 for ,i find that1 in the full occupation of the present1 the lessons of the past are losing their power over me4 ,their voice cannot be heard in the busy bustle of life2 and it is only at a few favored moments like these1 when all creation within and around us pauses1 as it were1 before taking another onward step towards eternity1 that we can hear their distant1 solemn murmur4 ,it is good1 then1 to turn our hearts to the teaching1 and to fix in them more deeply the warning and encouragement which we may thus receive4444 ,i have been led lately to think more than usual of the past1 by ,mrs4 ,b----'s death4 ,i believe ,i do not exaggerate when ,i rest in the idea that she was a woman of rare powers to interest and influence those around her4 ,my own recollections bring with them a sense of almost romantic enthusiasm with regard to her2 and ,i am quite sure that ,i owe as much of my conception of the loveliness of a truly religious being to her exhibition of it1 as to any one other source4 ,with the thought of her in her glory1 comes the remembrance of many who have been taken from time to time from our communion2 and it amazes me to find how large is their number4 ,how soon will it be1 that it will become a rare thing to meet one of the companions of our childhood6444 ,perhaps ,i generalize too much from my own individual experience2 but ,i find it so difficult to keep before my eyes the uncertainty of life1 or to feel as ,i would do the reality of the spiritual world1 so busy am ,i with the occupations of this material one1 that ,i should like to be recalled to the subject by some irresistible voice every hour of the day4 ,i have spent this evening in our old church at the ,north ,end1 for the first time upon this occasion since ,i lived in ,sheafe ,street1 when ,henry preached2 and as ,i look back upon the experience ,i have had since that time1 it seems to me ,i have little hope of ever being what ,i ought to be1 when all this has had so little effect4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #i4 ,yesterday1 heard ,dr4 ,channing preach and administer the communion1 the latter of which is more to me than even his best sermons1 so great is the power of association4444 ,i find ,i almost lose sight of some of my best pleasures1 when ,i have been for any length of time free from great trial4 ,in truth1 all this nomenclature is wrong4 ,ease and prosperity make our greatest trial2 we are never more blessed than when we are said to be in affliction4 ,it is remarkable1 that not one year has passed since ,i began this custom of recording to you these mercies1 that there has not been some striking one on the list4 ,what is to come this year8 ,god knows2 and in this ,i can rest satisfied4 ,henry's eyes are useless1 and mine still in requisition2 of course ,i do nothing else1 except at odd moments1 when he is away or asleep4 ,,mary4 ,mr4 ,ware's severe illness at this period seems to have been a crisis2 for the two following years1 both with him and her1 were probably the best of all they passed at ,cambridge1 in their freedom from sickness1 their ability to work1 and the amount of their work4 ,we connect them in this respect1 for it is not easy to separate their spheres and agencies1 even in regard to his professional labors4 ,of course1 we mean to imply nothing as to any special mental aid1 for no woman ever made less pretension1 or less attempt1 at any thing more than could be done by every sensible and interested mind4 ,but so completely did she enter into all his engagements1 so constantly did she watch the degree of his strength and the effect of his exertions1 and so often was she called to assist him directly1 as reader or writer1 from the failure of his eyes and his frequent debility1 that her cooperation was not wholly a figure of speech4 ,then1 too1 her heart was as much enlisted in the welfare and success of his pupils in the ,theological ,school1 as it had been in his ,boston parish4 ,all that she had a right to know1 she did know2 all that a woman and friend could do for those pupils1 in sympathy1 counsel1 encouragement1 or personal aid1 she invariably did4 ,a son1 then a member of the ,school1 says of her3 ,as a ,professor's wife1 ,i do not think father's heart was more in the ,school than was hers4 ,i suspect she knew every thing about it1 and was his constant assistant and counsellor4 ,how much directly she had to do with the young men1 ,i cannot say4 ,they were encouraged to be at the house1 came to tea constantly by invitation1 and in all sicknesses she cared for them2 especially ,m---- and ,b----1 who were brought to the house1 and ,c----1 and also an undergraduate1 sick4 ,she did what she could for the destitute among them2 and ,i remember her getting shirts made1 c41 c4 ,i remember1 too1 the delicate way in which ,i was sent1 on a cold ,new ,year's evening1 with a large bundle to an undergraduate who was friendless and penniless4 ,there are others1 and many1 who could tell much more2 and whose recollections of her delicate sympathy1 generous aid1 and unpretending goodness1 will hardly suffer them to speak of her1 but with silent tears4 ,they felt her moral power2 and all the more1 because she seemed utterly unconscious of it4 ,never have ,i been with her1 writes one1 who says he had but a common acquaintance1 no matter how short the time or slight the occasion1 without the feeling of greater elevation of soul4 ,i never knew one of whom this were truer4 ,virtue came out of her4 ,and he only adds1 of one connected with him1 ,even now the thought of ,mrs4 ,ware moves her more than the presence of any living friend4 ,while writing these passages1 we have received the testimony of another of those students1 more extended1 but too pertinent and valuable to be abridged4 ,the members of the ,theological ,school were always sure of her sympathy4 ,they went to her as they would to an elder sister4 ,there was something peculiarly engaging and attractive about her1 which we all felt1 but could not well understand4 ,yet she did not encourage1 as some kind-hearted women do1 the morbid sensibilities of young men1 which1 even while apparently depreciating their own powers1 almost always have their origin in an exaggerated egotism or some masked form of selfishness4 ,mrs4 ,ware's peculiar excellence was1 that1 without encouraging such a state of mind and without repelling those who had cherished it1 she1 by the healthiness of her own mind and the cheerful disinterestedness of her character1 dissolved the gloomy spell1 and sent away her visitors with new hope and life4 ,it was the atmosphere in which she lived1 more than any particular words or acts1 that made her presence in ,cambridge so attractive1 and so beneficent to the young at that period of life when they are likely to be in a morbid condition4 ,to go from our rooms to her house1 when we had got discouraged or worn down1 was like going into a different climate4 ,and we went back1 like invalids who have been spending a winter at the ,south1 with new vitality in our veins4 ,while connected with the ,school1 in #ahcd1 ,i had a short but violent attack of brain fever4 ,i was in ,divinity ,hall1 and very kindly taken care of by my associates in the ,school1 who did for me every thing that young men know how to do in such a case4 ,after a few days1 ,mrs4 ,ware came to see me4 ,the bare sight of her countenance1 and the sweet1 gentle tones of her voice1 ,i shall never forget4 ,they changed the whole aspect of the room4 ,as soon as it could be done1 ,i was removed to her house4 ,and the delicacy of her touch1 as in my helplessness she washed my hands and face1 with the air of motherly cheerfulness and tenderness1 was to my diseased nerves like the ministry of one from a better world4 ,during the months of confinement and extreme debility which succeeded1 the remembrance of her kindness was a constant source of comfort1 and ,i cannot now recall it without deep and grateful emotion4 ,in connection with exertions for others1 it is but just to refer again to the laborious efforts1 self-denial1 and perpetual solicitude1 to which ,mrs4 ,ware was driven1 at home1 in regard to pecuniary means4 ,the difficulty came at last to its height4 ,they found it impossible to live as they did1 and yet impossible to retrench more than they always had4 ,we would not speak of this so freely1 did we not feel--beside the light it throws upon character and results--that it is due to the professors and ministers of all denominations1 whose energies are crippled1 and power of serving as well as enjoying sadly abridged1 by the conflicting facts of unreasonable demand and incompetent support4 ,those of us who do not suffer1 and are only grateful1 have the better right to speak for others2 and we speak in the memory1 and as by the authority1 of those two unsparing and noble workers1 whose sentiments on the subject we well know1 and whose power of usefulness should never have been hampered1 as it often was1 by the want of means which hundreds were both able and willing to furnish4 ,yes1 willing2 for it is no want of generosity that we speak of2 were we capable of that injustice1 especially in the community and the family under review1 we should expect almost to hear the reproof of the departed ones1 whose gratitude was as intense as their solicitude4 ,not for themselves did they feel1 but for others2 for the ,school1 for the ministry2 for the students who were prevented from entering the ,school1 or forced to leave it1 by poverty and the fear of debt1 some of whom were retained only by promises of aid1 whose fulfilment cost added labor and wearing anxiety4 ,there is better provision now1 we know2 ample provision for those willing to accept it4 ,still are there wants and straits in the actual ministry which are not duly considered4 ,and this it is that is needed1--not generosity in the few1 but consideration in the many1 and the cooperation of all4 ,if the institutions of the ,gospel are worth having1 they are worth supporting4 ,if young men are expected to engage in a service that becomes every year more perplexed and exacting1 they must be able to see a fair prospect of such remuneration and sympathy as will at least set them free from worldly anxiety4 ,we believe that in no one way can the ministry be more strengthened and elevated1 than by a consideration and provision1 not extravagant1 not large1 not perhaps proportioned to the labor and reward of other callings1 but sure2 and sufficient1 while it imposes the necessity of all the exertion1 prudence1 simplicity1 and sacrifice that should be expected and be seen in the service of ,,christ1 to save from all depression1 and the necessity of other pursuits4 ,is this a digression8 ,no2 for it entered into the daily thought1 and affected the life1 not only of ,henry ,ware1 but equally of her whose life was his1 and whose spirit was always striving to allay his fears1 and nurse his powers and resources4 ,reluctantly did she consent to his taking upon himself new burdens and extended responsibilities1 as he did in #ahch1 when his father resigned to him his active duties1 by a liberal arrangement made for both of them4 ,while this makes us very grateful1 she writes1 it involves more anxiety about health2 but we will trust4 ,just at the time of these new offices and brighter hopes on the one hand1 and increased labor and danger on the other1 a heavy affliction fell upon them both1 in the sudden death of a sister2 the first death in thirty years of an adult member of that family1 from which six have since gone to the spirit-land4 ,ought any considerations to prevent our giving to others the ,christian thoughts and high affections called forth from ,mrs4 ,ware by that event8 ,they were many and comforting4 ,some she thus expressed to ,mrs4 ,allen1 a surviving sister4 ,the more ,i dwell upon what she was1 of what she was capable1 and how deeply she suffered from the mere load of humanity1 the more ,i am thankful that the season of discipline is over1 the more ,i rejoice at the thought of what she is now enjoying4 ,can we conceive of a higher bliss than that which must be experienced by a soul of such capacities as hers1 which has struggled1 as we believe1 most strenuously with temptation both within and without while here1 freed at last for ever from the burden of the flesh1 throwing off all obstacles to its progress in a purer state1 bounding forward to perfection8 ,o1 who would recall her here1 even for the best happiness which this world could give her8 ,but we are yet too earthly to part with our treasures without suffering4 ,it is meant that we should suffer4 ,it is a part1 a most important object1 of the dispensation2 the inevitable consequence1 too1 of that which we esteem the best blessing of our existence1--our capacity for the exercise of the affections4 ,it seems as if so great an event as ,i feel this to be must have great objects2 and who can doubt that the improvement of those who suffer by it is the principal one8 ,i have never felt this so deeply with regard to any event that ever happened to me in life4 ,i have never had so loud1 so imperious a call4 ,o my ,god1 give me grace to profit by this call1 to be made better by the mental exercises to which it has given rise6 ,at the end of #ahch we find ,mary very happy1 in gratitude for the past and cheerful hopes of the future1 with sober but not sad thoughts of the recent sorrow4 ,cambridge1 ,december #ca1 #ahch4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 444 ,o that blessed thing1 ,faith1--faith in the truth of friendship6 ,among other changes1 ,i have not yet grown old enough to lose my youthful faith in those ,i love2 and between you and me1 ,i begin to suspect that ,i never shall4 ,i certainly do not find myself1 at forty1 one whit nearer misanthropy than ,i was at sixteen4 ,is this symptomatic of folly at the very core8 ,or is it only the effect of my superior good luck in life8 ,whatever it may be1 ,i bless ,god for it1 for ,i find in it too much happiness to be willing to regret it1 even if it be a weakness4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #i4 ,just so far had ,i got1 when ,i found my eyes so dim and my head so giddy that ,i was compelled to go to bed4 ,and there have ,i been most of the time since1 quite sick with one of my old attacks upon the lungs1 which threatened to keep me there the rest of the winter1 if it did not end in lung fever1 so obstinate and violent was my cough4444 ,i have been living in the past very much lately1 from having many of ,harriet's letters to read4 ,some of them1 written in ,exeter1 have brought before my mind people of whom ,i had not thought for years2 and circumstances having intimate connection with events in which ,i was immediately interested at the time1 have unfolded a long and beautiful page of life before me1 which ,i seldom have opportunity to recall4 ,o that ,past6 what stores of wisdom and happiness are not laid up in it6 ,why should it be that the busy bustle of the ,present hides it so much from our sight8 ,should we not1 by an effort1 give ourselves more to its retrospection1 that we may profit more by its teaching8444 ,but here we are1 dear ,n41 at the end of another year1 certainly not growing younger1 yet ,i think not at all losing our capacity for enjoying4 ,so far from it1 ,i am surprised to find1 that1 while with regard to some things my happiness becomes more and more every day a sober certainty1 it does not in the least diminish my susceptibility of enjoyment from any new source that chances to present itself from day to day4 ,in fact1 it is a much more agreeable thing to grow old than ,i expected to find it4 ,this is not strange1 you may say1 in my case1 whose blessings increase with every year4 ,truly it is so1 and ,i never felt it more than at this present4 ,never since ,i was married could ,i look back upon a year of such freedom from sickness in my own family2 never was my husband so well for the same length of time in his preaching life2 and if ,i had no more to be grateful for than my precious baby1 who has been nothing but a comfort ever since she was born1 that is enough for one year4 ,one sad blight has passed over us1 and it has indeed solemnized our hearts1 and made us feel1 as we never felt before1 by how slight a tenure we hold all earthly blessings4 ,but these afflictions serve to make us more grateful for those blessings which cannot be taken away4 ,o1 how ,i do wish you were within talking distance1 that ,i might know whether you feel as ,i do about bringing up children4 ,i have no comfort yet in my management of my little ones4 ,i have not yet got upon the right track1 and begin to think ,i never shall4 ,lucy comes and comforts me a little now and then1 and if ,i had her power ,i should no doubt have her success2 but that makes all the difference in the world4 ,yours ever1 in true love4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 ,another year closed its record with similar expressions of thankfulness1 though we see that it brought sickness and discipline4 ,but these are not spoken of as trials2 for ,mrs4 ,ware appears in fact1 as well as in word1 to have caused sickness to change its name and its face4 ,it had become to her a friend1 whose absence she almost dreaded4 ,it is so long since ,i have had the slightest physical drawback1 that ,i had almost forgotten that ,i could be other than strong4 ,i am glad to be reminded that ,i am not free from the common lot in this respect2 in truth1 that ,i am to be subject to the salutary discipline which the prospect of certain suffering and weakness1 with all their possible consequences1 brings to the soul4 ,she had great faith in the relation of events to each other4 ,she looked upon nothing in the providence of ,god as either accidental or insulated2 every thing had a design and a connection4 ,if any one thing more than any other strikes me powerfully as ,i advance in life1 gaining confirmation from every day's experience1 it is the beautiful adaptation of circumstances to accomplish the great object of existence1 each succeeding event pointing to some end which the other events of life have not particularly aimed at4 ,it seems as if we had only to keep our vision clear1 to find around us all the teaching which we can possibly need to bring us to perfection4 ,she had not much respect for the common view of circumstances1 as securing all the good and accounting for all the evil in men's conduct and character4 ,to her mind1 the responsibility was as great of turning adverse circumstances to good account1 as of using well the most favoring and prosperous condition4 ,yet here she dealt more severely with herself than with any one else2 too severely sometimes1 as may be the case with all conscientious sufferers who are at the same time conscientious workers4 ,they exact too much of their own frames4 ,they make too little allowance for those natural limits and occasional weaknesses1 for which many minds allow too much4 ,most of us suffer the body to be master1 where it should be servant2 while they of whom we speak are apt to forget that the body will sometimes rule1 and affect the mind unfavorably yet helplessly4 ,there are various intimations1 some of which we have seen already1 that ,mrs4 ,ware was not free from all errors or dangers of this kind1 though she soon detected them4 ,after a short visit to ,mrs4 ,paine1 in #ahci1 she says of it3 ,i did enjoy my visit to you hugely2 ,i do enjoy it now even more2 for ,i was fighting all the time with an evil demon within in the shape of an uncommonly violent attack of ',mary ,pickardism1' making me feel that ,i might as well be out of the world as in it4 ,but that is over2 and ,i have learnt from it that our minds are more frequently under the control of our physique1 than we1 in our pride1 are very willing to admit4 ,the season of exemption and favor continues2 not without qualifications and exceptions1 as others might think them1 but without serious interruption to the labors or joys of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware4 ,and we see the effect of it in the pleasant and playful mood of the next letter4 ,cambridge1 ,january #a1 #ahda1 #a4bj o'clock1 ,a4,m4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,there is some difference truly between a solitary spinster sitting in her quiet parlor with her desk before her1 pen in hand1 without a shadow of a hope or fear of interruption from any demand of domestic duty or pleasure1 and the mother of seven children1 one of them a most agreeable youth of six months1 with a husband and nurse to boot1 to be looked after and taken care of4 ,for instance1 after a vain attempt to get all the new year's presents finished and arrayed in due order before the clock should strike twelve upon the #cast of ,december1 #ahdj1 ,i was obliged at the first date to content myself with just recording the hour with one hand1 while the other held in durance the two hands of the above-named youth1 who had been for the previous hour exercising his utmost power of fascinating blandishment to attract and monopolize my attention4 ,and now ,i must re-date1 ,one o'clock1 ,p4 ,m41 ,january #c;d1 being my very first moment1 since the aforesaid date1 that ,i could in conscience give to the luxurious employment of writing to you4 ,i think the said little 7or1 rather1 large7 gentleman had a strong desire to write to you himself1 or he would not have been so remarkably wakeful upon that occasion2 but ,i chose to enact the part of the dog in the manger1--if ,i could not do it myself1 ,i would not let him4 ,he is a most bewitching creature1 by the way1 and there is no telling what you may have lost by my selfishness4 ,nothing can be sweeter than a healthy1 bright child of his age2 there is certainly something far beyond the mere animal in the enjoyment we derive from such a creature4 ,i am sometimes tempted1 when ,i watch the animated expression of his little visage1 to go all lengths with the modern spiritualists1 and believe that there is a higher sense and fuller knowledge of the deep things of heaven inclosed in that little casket now1 than can be found in it after the wisdom of the world has entered there4444 ,o1 how the business of life thickens as one goes onward6 ,i sometimes wish ,i knew whether there is ever to be such a thing as rest in this life for me1 wherein to breathe a little more freely1 and feel it right to forget1 for a moment at least1 the care of the earthly4 ,or ,i should like still better to know how far it is practicable to keep one's mind at ease1 and yet do all that ought to be done4 ,it does not seem as if it could have been intended that we should be the careworn drudges that most of us are1 hardly giving ourselves time to enjoy the sight of the beautiful world around us1 or know any thing of that within us4 ,i have often great misgivings upon the subject1 much doubting whether it is not1 after all1 more my bad management than the necessity of the case1 which makes me so pressed from want of time to do what ,i wish4 ,but ,i have looked around and within in vain for a remedy for the evil4 ,i am just where ,i was a year ago1 only a little more involved from having one child more1 and that one that cannot be tended by any one who is not tolerably sizable herself4 ,this is not as it should be1 7not my baby1 but my incessant occupation17 and ,i feel the evil effect upon my intellectual and physical too1--the one becomes utterly empty1 the other too crowded4 ,thought is free1 happily1 but one uses up the material for thought if not refreshed by outward subjects occasionally2 or rather one's thoughts take too uniform a track1 and become morbid4 ,i should like to peep into some other person's mind and see how the land lies2 one is apt to think that no one is as wicked as himself1 but perhaps the same causes lead to the same results4 ,it would be a comfort to know1 upon the old principle1 that 'misery loves company4' ,yours1 ,,mary4 ,a change was approaching4 ,the favored interval had been unusually long1 and an amount of work had been accomplished of which we attempt not to give an idea4 ,it had been to ,mrs4 ,ware1 as to her husband1 a golden age1 in vigor1 labor1 and enjoyment4 ,in the family1 the school1 and the community1 both were busy1 both happy4 ,there was no diminution of care1 rather an increase with an increasing family1 unnumbered visitors1 and interruptions1 engagements1 and claims1 of every possible kind4 ,but all this went on easily and naturally4 ,a casual observer would not be likely to see that there was much done1 or to be done4 ,there was no hurry1 no apparent exertion4 ,each caller or claimant was received so quietly1 and listened to so patiently1 that he might have thought he was the only one1 or the favored4 ,to be sure1 ,mrs4 ,ware felt1 as we have seen1 that there was no such thing as rest1 nor time to do the half that she would4 ,but very few saw the feeling1 and it prevented neither her own serenity nor others' enjoyment4 ,very grateful did she feel for her husband's continued health and active usefulness4 ,at the same time1 we can see that her experienced eye and watchful heart discovered symptoms of coming change1--as in passages of her letters of different dates4 ,december #ca1 #ahda4 ,i look at my husband with a sort of wonder1 to find that another whole year has passed without any serious consequences to his health4 ,i dare not look forward for him1 for it seems presumption to expect that he can be long exempt4 ,his duties are very perplexing from their variety1 and ,i think the effect upon his system1 by harassing his mind1 is really worse than a greater amount of labor would be upon a more concentrated and satisfactory object4 ,he is the greater part of the time in that dragging1 half-sick state1 which leaves neither freedom of mind nor comfort of body4 ,i often think he could be happier1 and do in fact more good1 in a parish1 than here2 and were it not that men at his time of life get to be too old-fashioned and 'conservative1' as the phrase is1 to suit the rising generation1 ,i should hope he might yet end his days in the vocation which he best loves4 ,i would not have you suspect me of a discontented spirit2 but my heart leaps at the idea of parish-meetings in my own parlor1 and other pastoreen enjoyments4 ,but ,i have no care about the future1 other than that which one must have1--a desire to fulfil the duties which it may bring4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #af1 #ahdb4 ,i have been prevented by all sorts of things from finishing this2 it is not worth while to enumerate them4 ,i will only say1 that for the last fortnight ,i have had little thought or time for any thing but preparing my husband for a six weeks' absence4 ,not that ,i had so very much to do for him 7although it is a different thing to poor folks1 to live where their clothes can be mended every day1 or must go without mending for six weeks72 but he has been very unwell lately1 and ,i am so little accustomed to the idea of his going away sick without going with him1 that ,i found it very hard to bring my mind to submit to it4 ,i did not feel quite clear whether it would be right to let him go1 in the hope that change of scene and occupation would do him good1 or to prevent it from fear that the necessity of the case would tempt him to exert himself1 whether he was able or not4 ,however1 he has gone2 and went too upon the anniversary of dear ,dr4 ,follen's loss4 ,but ,i have heard of his safe arrival in pretty good case1 and ,i hope for the best4 ,yet ,i am a very baby at the prospect of so long a separation4 ,truly one's affections do not become blunted by age1--do they8 ,what her affections were appears in the letter which she had already written to her husband1--written in fact the very night of the day he left her2 for her heart was full4 ,its quick1 keen sensibilities told her that this was more than a common parting4 ,seldom had ,mr4 ,ware gone from home since they were married1 without being sick1 or without her going to him4 ,and though she had not the least superstition1 nor even indulged gloomy apprehensions1 she held herself ready for the worst1 and saw reason at this time to expect some decided result from such a journey in mid-winter1 with all that had preceded it4 ,before she slept1 therefore1 she gave utterance to the emotions--prayers and blessings we might call them--which were yearning within her4 ,cambridge1 ,january #ab1 #ahdb1 #a_/b past #aa4 ,,dear ,,henry3-- ,and you are really gone6 ,and notwithstanding ,i have looked forward to this moment for so long a time1 and1 as ,i thought1 realized over and over again all that ,i should feel when it should arrive1 ,i am ashamed to find how little all my anticipations have prepared me for it4 ,i do not mean to overwhelm you with an outpouring of all my woman's weakness1 but ,i could not go to bed without saying1 ',good night to you1 dearest4' ,i have a quiet faith that all is well with you1 and ,i have much hope that this expedition will result in good to your mind and body both4 ,i can say from my heart1 ',god speed you6' ,and the thought that ,his care is over you reconciles me to having you withdrawn from mine1 as nothing else could do4 ,i feel that1 in your absence1 great responsibilities rest upon me1 and ,i cannot therefore go to my solitary chamber for the first time without many solemn and affecting thoughts4 ,but my hopes are bright1 and my confidence unshaken2 and ,i can send my mind forward with a cheerful trust1 although the tear will come to my eye4 ,so good night1 again4 ,i know your thoughts are with me1 as mine with you1 and that this union in the spirit can never cease1 whatever may betide our outward being4 99 99 99 99 99 ,friday ,evening1 #adth4 ,thanks for your letter1--and many most grateful thanks to the ,giver of all good for your safety6 ,it could not be but that the recollection of the past should be present to our minds2 it was good that it should be so1 and ,i trust it has not been without great blessing to our souls4 ,for myself1 ,i almost feared that ,i was a little superstitious1 or rather inclined to forebode evil2 for ,i feel so much that we have been peculiarly blessed in having so many times had threatened evils averted1 that1 upon every new exposure1 ,i find ,i am inclined to think it is presumption to expect exemption this time2 and ,i never felt this more strongly than now4 ,i hope ,i have behaved well outwardly4 ,i have tried to do so1 but the struggle has been very great4 ,this experience is a new lesson of trust and comfort for us4 ,may it have its due influence6 ,farewell4 ,blessings be with you6 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,the result of the visit to ,new ,york is known4 ,mrs4 ,ware had not over-estimated the importance of the period4 ,it was a crisis4 ,the second ,sunday of her husband's absence was the last time that he ever attempted to preach4 ,he was attacked in the pulpit with bleeding1 as he supposed from the lungs1 and did not finish the service4 ,it was the end of his career as a preacher1 and the extinction of many bright hopes in those united minds and devoted hearts4 ,for to ,mrs4 ,ware1 also1 was this a disappointment of cherished purposes1 not simply as his wife1 but from her own fervid interest in the ,christian ministry1 and her sympathy with the aspirations and the struggles of those engaged1 or about to engage1 in this great work4 ,her account of the change1 and other changes that followed1 closing the ,cambridge life1 may be best given in extracts from various letters1 which will constitute a journal of the time4 ,march1 #ahdb4 ,mr4 ,ware had not been well for two months previous to his going to ,new ,york2 no difficulty upon the lungs1--simply out of order from too close and wearisome attention to a vexatious variety of duty1 having no rest1 and not time enough to do any thing well4 ,his system seemed disarranged1 and he thought he should be most benefited by going away1 changing the scene entirely1 and obtaining rest to mind and body4 ,he went4 ,every letter spoke of improvement1 and ,i had made up my mind1 that1 in spite of all my fears1 he was doing the best possible thing4 ,so ,i said to his father on ,sunday evening2 and on ,monday ,i received his letter1 telling me of his having been taken in church with raising blood4 ,of course ,i went immediately to him1 arriving at his lodgings at nine1 ,tuesday morning4 ,the weather was very mild1 and the uncertainty of its continuing so made me anxious to get him home4 ,after some reluctance on the part of his physician had been overcome1 we decided to return that day4 ,so1 after spending eight hours in ,new ,york1 ,i turned my face homeward1 and in forty hours after leaving my own door landed at it with my precious charge1 none the worse for the journey4 ,you may suppose it all seemed a dream to me4 ,it was1 however1 a sad reality to him1 a very sad disappointment4444 ,your picture of 'rest' is a beautiful vision1--one which many of our friends have brought before our eyes at this time4 ,but what can a man do1 with seven children1 and only his own hands to depend upon8 ,i scruple not to say1 that a ten-foot house1 and bread and water diet1 with the sense of rest to him1 would be a luxury1 and ,i trust some door will be opened to us by which we shall obtain it4 ,now he is tied1 bound hand and foot2 and if he does not die in the bonds1 it is more than any one has a right to calculate upon4 ,how various the trials of life6 and how difficult always to feel that elasticity of spirit which is needful to make one as cheerful as we ought to be at all times6 99 99 99 99 99 ,may #a1 #ahdb4 ,you will hear in a few days of the change that has come to us4 ,i have been entirely satisfied1 ever since last ,october1 that it must come to this1 and ,i felt1 the sooner ,henry stopped1 the better for him4 ,but the utter uncertainty as to the future support of such a large family1 and a reluctance to leave his father's side in his declining years1 important as he is to his parent's comfort1 could not but make him deliberate4444 ,and now1 dear ,nancy1 we are once more afloat on the world's wide sea4 ,you will easily guess how much there is of deep1 soul-stirring emotion in all this1 and how much more there must be before we quit for ever our dearly loved home1 rendered doubly dear by the hours of sickness and sacred sorrow experienced in it4 ,what will be our destination1 ,i know not4 ,we have some plans1 but the execution of any must depend upon contingencies now hidden from us4 ,the first thing to be thought of is ,mr4 ,ware's restoration to health2 and had we the means1 ,i should like to spend a week or two in riding about home1 or in little excursions1 giving him the opportunity of doing what he could by conversation for the class about to leave the ,school4 ,should he ever get well1 there are some possible projects already presented which would support us1 but in the mean time all is dark1--that is1 we know nothing about it4 ,i am satisfied that we have done right1 and ,i am ready for the consequences1 be they what they may4 ,i am not as strong as ,i once was to meet hard labor1 but ,i am willing to work to the extent of my ability2 and ,i know that no amount of bodily labor can be so wearisome as the mental struggle of the last two years4 ,i feel as if ,i could meet any thing better than seeing my husband declining2 can he only be spared1 no matter what comes4 ,do not think that ,i am unmindful of the difficulties which poverty brings1--the hindrances to the satisfactory education of children1 the loss of intellectual privileges1 and the wear and tear to the spirit by the uncertainties of daily supply for even the necessary wants of life4 ,i understand it all2 and ,i know that in all there is useful discipline for heaven1 and ,i think for my children1 that1 if the means of one kind of education are denied them1 they may in other ways gain the essentials for spiritual life more readily4 ,i cannot distrust or doubt the good providence of ,god under all circumstances2 how can ,i1 after the experience ,i have had in life8444 ,if ,mr4 ,ware and ,i should ride off anywhere1 it will probably be towards ,worcester4 ,o the money1 the money6 what can be done without money6 ,i have written to the end of my paper1 and all about self2 but ,i have much to say about other things4 99 99 99 99 99 ,may #h1 #ahdb4 ,i have tried in vain1 dear ,emma1 to find time and ability to answer your kind notes1 for ,i have longed to tell you something of the mighty movement which has been going on within our little domestic world1 as well as to satisfy you of ,mr4 ,ware's gradual progress towards health4 ,but for the first three weeks of his sickness1 his case demanded my undivided attention2 and since the day he wrote his letter of resignation1 ,i have been1 with the exception of three 'poor days1' sick myself4 ,not made sick by that fact1 ,i beg you to understand1--unless the reaction of relief from anxiety might make one sick1 and the exhilaration consequent upon it act too powerfully upon the nervous system4 ,it is indeed an unspeakable relief to my mind1 and ,i could see that it was also to ,henry1 for he began to improve at once when the deed was done4 ,it is a great step1 at our time of life1 with so large a family1 and so little substantial health in the acting portion of it1 to be launched forth upon the wide world to obtain a support we know not how4 ,but of what use is experience1 of what value is faith1 if they cannot enable one to meet the changes of life without fear8444 ,i have been quite sick1 having had a sudden and severe attack threatening fever4 ,i felt for a little while as if ,i could not have one of my long sicknesses just at this juncture1 as if ,i was for once too important a person to be laid upon the shelf1 and ,i never was more truly thankful than when ,i found myself relieved by the first applications4 ,i have not yet been down stairs1 but expect to ride to-morrow1 if it is pleasant4 ,the breaking up will be severe1 ,i know2 but ,i think ,i am prepared for it4 ,it is not the first time that the strong ties which bind me always to my home have been severed4 ,and although ,i have never before felt so much that my home was indeed my own creation1 the thought that it is right to leave it1 and the oppression of spirit which the last two years have witnessed here1 reconcile me to all the suffering in prospect4 ,don't think me a romancer1 that ,i can feel joyous when ,i know not how we are to be fed and clothed4 ,if ,god gives me strength1 ,i am willing to work1 and prefer that my children should be obliged to2 and ,i have no fears but that1 if we do the best we can1 ,god will take care of us4 ,he has many agents of mercy4 ,mr4 ,ware was able to remain in office the rest of the theological term1 and to carry through the graduating class1 with whom his last exercises were deeply affecting4 ,very soon after this1 in the summer of #ahdb1 the family left ,cambridge2 having fixed upon ,framingham1 ,mass41 as their place of retreat1 after looking at many places1 and weighing all considerations of position and expense4 ,of the last days in ,cambridge1 we have obtained the recollections of their oldest son1 himself a member of the class just spoken of1 as the last that enjoyed the instruction and benediction of his father4 ,we give the account in his own unstudied words4 ,that last summer was a very pleasant one1 as ,i remember it4 ,things were very much as ever2 if any thing1 the little social gatherings of neighbors were more frequent1 as all felt they must be few4 ,the drives with father to find a place1 the selection of ,framingham1 the pilgrimages there1 occupied a good deal of the time1 as also the gradual preparation1 and the many adieus4 ,the 'breaking up' was one of the gravest trials of mother's life4 ,thoroughly convinced of its necessity1 looking forward to it as a relief in all ways1 yet the whole summer was tinged by the thought of it4 ,i remember long talks2 one in particular1 in which she drew nearer to me and ,i to her4 ,i think that1 feeling obliged to keep up before father1 she yearned to confide in us4 ,when it came to the last1 it was hard4 ,the children and all were gone4 ,mother1 father1 and ,i were left1 and ,i was to be left1 for ,i was just going into the world myself4 ,the wagon was at the door4 ,father got in1 merely wringing my hand1 but most deeply moved4 ,i could see it and feel it4 ,if he had spoken1 it would have been more than he could bear4 ,i never till that moment imagined1 so feverish had been his desire to get away1 how much his heart was in that spot4 ,mother was behind1 and had got down one step1 when she turned round and threw her arms about my neck1 and there we stood4 ,it was one of the moments of life4 ',god bless you1 my child6' ,i have heard her say it many times1 but it never meant more4 ,father could not bear it4 ,he urged her away2 the horse started at his quick word2 ,i was alone1--and that chapter of life was ended6 ,we never all three of us entered ,cambridge together again1 until the night that mother and ,i brought with us from ,framingham 'the last of earth4' ,since writing this1 ,i have chanced upon father's first letter afterward4 ,he says3 ',the struggle at the last moment was a hard one2 but we got composed after a while1 and then found ourselves excessively overcome with weariness4' ,,xii4 ,,life ,,in ,,framingham4 ,it is no cause of regret that the narrative of a married woman's life cannot be separated from that of her husband4 ,the biographer may regret the necessity of referring to familiar facts1 and sometimes using materials already in possession of the public4 ,but more sorry should we be if the history of the wife could be drawn out by itself2 especially that history of every-day life1 and idea of the inner being1 which we are attempting to give4 ,few women1 in our community1 and with troops of friends1 have been more thrown upon themselves at an early age1 or have led a more truly single life until life's meridian1 than did ,mary ,pickard4 ,but the moment she became ,mary ,ware she lived for another1--as unreservedly and devotedly as woman ever did4 ,principle and affection alone would have prompted this1 as a pleasure2 the circumstances in which she was placed1 from first to last1 made it a duty1 and still a delight4 ,and more and more1 as years passed1 did the duty and the delight grow1 tinged only by the sad thought of his premature failure and sore disappointment4 ,it1 is a small trial to be summoned from one sphere of duty to another2 even if it cost the disruption of many ties1 still if it be a call of duty1 with continued power of activity and usefulness1 it is not to be called a hardship4 ,it surely is no evil1 but rather a privilege1 for the faithful laborer to die at his post1 with his harness on4 ,but to die and yet to live1 to have one's chosen work broken off for ever1 and the strong1 disinterested love of labor forbidden all exercise1 with the prospect of years of helplessness at the best1 perhaps protracted suffering and a dependent family1--this is trial1 calling for as much of fortitude and faith as humanity often requires4 ,it may be partiality which leads us to doubt whether there was ever more of fortitude and faith1 in similar condition1 than in the hearts of ,henry and ,mary ,ware1 as they turned their back upon the fond scenes of their labor1 and1 with the unavoidable consciousness of high qualification as well as affection1 withdrew from all public service and peculiar trust4 ,nor is it too much to assume1 that1 while on him pressed most heavily the burden of responsibility and the grief of incapacity1 it was to the wife and the mother that there came most loudly the call for exertion1 for cheerful courage1 a wise diligence1 and unfaltering trust4 ,the village to which they retired was chosen partly for its seclusion combined with convenience1 and partly for economy4 ,in relation to the last1 their anxieties were now relieved by a generous contribution from friends1 whom it would have been wrong to refuse2 though similar offers had been made and declined before1 as we ought to have said in referring to their embarrassments4 ,so long as there was the power of exertion1 or a reasonable hope of it1 ,mr4 ,ware could not bring himself to accept any mere favors of this kind1--seldom so grateful as a fair requital for willing service and acknowledged ability4 ,but now that the power of exertion was suspended1 duty to those nearest1 as well as gratitude to persevering benefactors1 made him more than willing4 ,i have got rid1 through the kindness of excellent friends1 of all distressful anxiety for the living of my family2 ,i can leave them in comparative peace2 in that sense1 my house is set in order4 ,thus did ,mr4 ,ware write to his brother ,john1 in that earnest letter in which he begs him1 as a physician1 to deal frankly with him1 and tell him the whole truth as to the probability of his recovery or decline4 ,and this was the state of mind in which the life at ,framingham began1 and continued to the end1--a state of suspense1 entire uncertainty1 unwillingness to be idle1 but inability to enter confidently upon any plan1 or engage vigorously in any employment4 ,there is little1 therefore1 to be told of this period1 in regard to occupation or incident4 ,we can only show in what spirit ,mrs4 ,ware met this new trial1--to many minds the hardest of all1--living without an object1 yet striving to live cheerfully1 busily1 and profitably4 ,this may be shown best by giving brief extracts from her letters1 written during the first season of their residence there4 ,july #cj1 #ahdb4 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,f----3 ,you will be glad to know that we find ourselves very comfortable here4 ,the house is exceedingly well adapted to our purpose2 and though the externals of life are comparatively small matters with respect to happiness1 in health1 there are cases of sickness in which they must be of importance4 ,it is a great comfort to me1 in the present case1 that our outward appliances are such as will aid the chief object for which we have made this change4 ,i feel deeply that it is an experiment1 and1 like all human plans1 has some disadvantages2 but ,i will 'hope on1 hope ever1' believing as ,i do that it was right to try it4 ,yet you know 7none better7 how much one has to feel in the detail of life1 when so much is at stake4 ,o1 why can we not1 with full faith and perfect peace1 cast all our care upon ,him1 who indeed careth for us more than we can care for any being8 ,i can for the most part feel this1 but it is not easy to keep always on the mount4444 ,although ,i realize the change1 and fully appreciate all ,i have left behind1 ,i am perfectly amazed to find how obtuse my feelings are4 ,i could almost fancy ,i did not love my friends as well as ,i thought ,i did1 so entirely do ,i find myself absorbed by my new duties and occupations1 with scarcely a thought for any thing but the best accomplishment of my immediate business1--my husband's comfort and improvement4 ,what a blessed power of adaptation is given us1 to enable us to meet the varieties of life6 ,the fact is1 in our case1 never could so great a movement have been made under more favorable circumstances2 and1 with so many blessings about our path1 it would be strange indeed if we could find place for regret4 99 99 99 99 99 ,august #ba1 #ahdb4 ,my dear ,n----3 ,i begin to think ,i shall not gain much in the way of leisure by this change4 ,for although there is not the same necessity for attending to extraneous matters that there was in ,cambridge1 so much more of the detail of affairs necessarily passes through my hands1 that ,i find the days all too short to accomplish half ,i should like to do4 ,i cannot give up the hope1 and indeed expectation1 that the mode of life we have adopted will prove good for ,mr4 ,ware2 and as ,i view it nearer1 so many of what ,i had anticipated as hindrances vanish into thin air1 that ,i am more than ever satisfied with the form of the experiment4 ,of course1 ,i expect to put my shoulder to the daily wheel in a new line of labor1 and have fully calculated the cost4 ,i only hope my health and strength will continue as good as they now are1 and ,i shall do very well4 ,i never shrink from labor of any kind4444 ,our children are much pleased with the place and its occupations2 and ,i hope to give them by the change the opportunity of acquiring the knowledge of many things1 and exercising some of the virtues for which they had no chance in their former mode of life4444 ,i have a treasure of a woman1 who has been with me nearly two years1 bound to me and mine by the strongest affection1 kind1 capable1 and refined2 particularly pleased with being 'monarch of all she surveys' in the kitchen1 and so well informed and respectful1 that it is a pleasure to me to associate with her as ,i am obliged to in work1 and a comfort in the perfect security ,i feel in her intercourse with my children4 ,it is not the least of my blessings1 that just such an one should have been with me at this crisis4 ,this mention of the faithful domestic1 our ,margaret1 as she was always called1 who lived with ,mrs4 ,ware seven years1 discloses another trait of character1 more rare than it should be4 ,the complaints that we constantly hear of the selfishness and plague of servants1 demand more consideration than they usually receive4 ,the whole matter of domestic service is becoming a serious one4 ,even where it is wholly free1 it affects materially the comfort of life1 and exerts an influence on the character of both the employers and the employed4 ,are the employers or the employed most in fault8 ,this is the one question which should be deliberately weighed1 instead of being dismissed with a burst of passion or a smile of self-complacency4 ,there are women who have little or no trouble with their servants1--who retain them long1 secure their confidence for life1 obtain from them better service than many who pay more and exact more1 and repose in them the most important trusts4 ,to this class we believe ,mrs4 ,ware to have belonged4 ,and the secret of her success we suppose to have been simply this3 she looked upon servants as of the same species with herself2 creatures of like passions and like sensibilities2 as liable to be selfish1 unreasonable1 and easily offended1 as those whom they serve1 but not more2 having equal claim upon kind consideration1 and a perfect right to feel wounded and wronged1 if dealt with unjustly4 ,on this subject ,mrs4 ,ware seems to have asked herself these two questions3 ,why do so many people1 who are never harsh or ill-natured toward any one else1 think nothing of being harsh and ill-natured toward their domestics8 ,and why do many sound and zealous religionists forget to carry any of their religion into their intercourse and dealings with servants8 ,it would not have been easy1 we think1 to discern any difference in her treatment of the highest and the lowest1 the affluent and the dependent4 ,nor did she think it her duty to visit iniquity even upon the vicious1 by withdrawing from them all confidence1 and turning them into the streets to sin and suffer more4 ,not in words alone1 or of one sex only1 has she said1 as we find her saying in an aggravated case3 ,i see not why a man's sins should for ever cut him off from the charities of his kind1 if he is truly penitent4 ,what are we that we should condemn1 if ,god forgives8 ,in continuing our extracts from ,mrs4 ,ware's letters at this period1 we shall draw freely from those which she wrote to the son who had been left in ,cambridge1 and was now entering upon the work of the ministry1 feeling painfully the separation from his father1 and the loss in part of his guidance and counsel4 ,framingham1 ,august1 #ahdb4 ,at last1 dear ,john1 the great crisis has passed1 the great movement is made4 ,we have changed our home1 and are no longer to live together under the same circumstances4 ,the change is indeed great to us all1 but ,i feel that for you it is greater than to any one else1 and therefore it is that ,i am impelled to use my first quiet moment in expressing my deep sense of the trial of your present position1 and most heartily sympathize with the soul-stirring emotion which belongs to it4 ,to you it is indeed a very important turning-point in existence1 and when one looks only upon the momentous responsibilities which it involves1 it is not strange that the heart should sink1 and the question should involuntarily arise to one's lips1 ',how can this change be borne1 how can such duties be met8' ,i have felt sometimes1 in looking at the singular combination of events1 by which you should be separated from your father1 just when you were commencing the most trying and important period of life1 as if it were almost too hard2 and as if it would have been not only easier1 but safer1 to have been able to feel your way a little before you absolutely floated off under your own sole guidance4 ,but a second thought has always satisfied me that the arrangement of ,providence was the best1 although for the time the most painful4 ,standing forth in your lot1 as an ambassador for ,christ to the world1 you cannot be too soon led to rely solely on his teaching for direction1 and it cannot but be best that you should be compelled1 by the removal of earthly succor1 to go only to ,him who is 'the way1 the truth1 and the life1' for strength in the hour of need4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,john3 ,you are now passing through that ordeal which ,i have long looked forward to as inevitable at some period1 sometimes with an almost irresistible desire to avert it by opening to you pages of my own painful experience in self-education2 sometimes with an uncontrollable impatience to hasten it1 that1 being past1 you and ,i and all might be enjoying the happiness it might produce4 ,it is one of the most difficult questions to decide how far1 and when1 to make opportunities1 or wait for them to come in the natural order of things2 we should very decidedly wait1 if we were sure they would come at some time1--but there is the rub4444 ,it is a common and very natural idea with young people1 that older ones cannot understand or sympathize in their feelings2 forgetting that we have all been young1 and that the struggles by which the soul is exercised in youth are never to be forgotten4 ,the experience of different natural characters of course varies1 but the fact of struggle is common to all4 ,and upon no spot in the review of the past does one's memory dwell with so much intense emotion1 as upon that thorny and tangled labyrinth through which the spirit wandered1 'bewildered1 but not lost1' at the period when the necessity and duty of proving its own character first roused it to a sense of its responsibilities4 ,you say most truly1 that it is good to look at things at a distance1 from new and various points of view4 ,i have always advocated this1 for my own changeful life forced the conviction upon me2 and for the same reason1 ,i would advocate free1 confidential discussion of inward and spiritual experience4 ,the mere clothing our thoughts and feelings in words sometimes places them in a different position4 ,we take them out of the atmosphere of our own perhaps morbid fears and anxieties1 and can therefore see them more clearly4 ,then1 too1 we have the advantage of another's observation1 and1 may-be1 experience of the selfsame difficulties1 to aid us in our judgment of their true character4 ,at any rate1 we have the certainty of that warm kindling of the affections which to a loving heart is always a help in bearing the burden of life4 ,believe me1 dear ,john1 there is ample reward for all the effort it may cost in unclothing ourselves1 in the consciousness that however the outer world may think of us1 at home1 in that sanctuary which ,god and nature have alike appointed as the best resting-place for the spirit upon earth1 we are understood and appreciated and loved4 ,let us not suffer any factitious thoughts or circumstances to cheat us of this privilege1 but with trusting1 confiding hearts take the good which ,heaven designed for us when the family-community was established in the world4444 ,i could write more than ,i should care to give you the trouble to read1 if ,i attempted to write half that ,i have in my heart to say4 99 99 99 99 99 ,december1 #ahdb4 ,the going forth into the world for the first time alone is1 it seems to me1 the most trying point in the existence of any one of any sensibility4 ,but does not the very difficulty of the case indicate the value of the experience8 ,are not almost all the most valuable results of effort those which require the greatest efforts for their attainment8 ,the higher the summit to which we would arrive1 the more toilsome must be the ascent4 ,when by a prayerful1 self-surrendering spirit we have sought to learn the will of ,god concerning us1 shall we not believe that1 into whatsoever path we may be led1 it must contain for us the discipline we need1--treasures of experience1 hidden perhaps at first1 which will amply repay any toil1 any suffering1 in the aid we shall derive from them in our ,christian progress8444 ,we admire1 we reverence1 the spirit which actuated ,oberlin and ,felix ,neff1 and many others of the class of missionary spirits who have left all to do their ,master's work in the field he has appointed for them2 but we do not easily realize how much of the same spirit of self-sacrifice is called for in what no one would think of calling missionary ground1 and which yet requires as much surrender of earthly desire as their situations could1 which none but the ,all-seeing can know4 ,an event which all felt1 at this time1 was felt by none more than by ,mrs4 ,ware4 ,we mean the death of ,dr4 ,channing4 ,the reader will remember how much he had done for her in early life1 not only as a public teacher1 but as a private friend1 with whom her intercourse had been frequent and perfectly free4 ,for several years she had seen little of him4 ,and now1 in her seclusion and comparative solitude1 the unexpected intelligence of his death moved her deeply4 ,to a friend in ,cambridge1 she writes3 ,you cannot imagine how trying it is to me1 to know nothing of ,dr4 ,channing's sickness and death1 except what the newspapers can tell me4 ,you know not the peculiar relation in which ,i have stood towards him4 ,do in pity tell me what you know about the event4 ,i cannot realize it1 ,i can scarcely believe it4 ,there is so much to be thought of in relation to such an event1 that my mind is perfectly bewildered4 ,i cannot arrange my thoughts enough to give them utterance4 ,but my heart goes out toward those many dear friends who will feel his loss as ,i do4 ,one is tempted to say1 ',what a loss to the world is the death of such a man6' ,but such a man cannot die4 ,how will his words have new power over the hearts of those who read them1 from the consciousness that the spirit that uttered them already sees behind the veil1 that his light can never be put out1 but will penetrate still more and more the inmost recesses of men's souls6 ,how will that last eloquent1 touching appeal for the ,slave gain access to the coldest hearts1 when it is remembered that it was the last effort of the departing saint for the rights and sufferings of the oppressed6 ,the impulse which such a mind gives must be felt for ever4 ,who can measure its power8 ,a fact is here suggested which there seems no reason for withholding1 showing the estimate which ,dr4 ,channing himself put upon the character and power of ,mrs4 ,ware4 ,a lady intimate with both of them when they were most together1 says3 ,dr4 ,channing talked with her on religious experience1 to learn as well as to teach4 ,i have known him to request her to make visits of instruction to a disconsolate person1 whom he could not awaken to religious hope1--trusting that her gentle sympathy and clear views might shed a ray of light that would point her to the day4 ,the first season at ,framingham was a busy one1 though tranquil4 ,mrs4 ,ware's bodily as well as mental labor must have been unusually great4 ,it is true1 ,i do not see how we are to set all the stitches which will be necessary to prepare eight people for a winter campaign in a cold house2 but ,i have faith that we shall find a way4 ,they were much more free from interruptions than ever before4 ,their new neighbors and friends were not only kind1 but considerate1--one of the best forms of kindness4 ,gratefully does ,mrs4 ,ware acknowledge this4 ,how much there is in human life to interest our hearts6 ,one cannot go anywhere without finding some cases of peculiar interest4 ,we are here cut off from general knowledge of those around us1 by having come expressly for retirement4 ,our neighbors1 understanding this1 do not call4 ,and yet we have already happened upon some most interesting people1 from whom we cannot in conscience hold back4 ,thus the year closed2 a year of as great outward change as any that had preceded it1 and leaving them in as great uncertainty as to the future4 ,yet ,mrs4 ,ware could say3 ,the prevailing emotion in the retrospect is one of gratitude at having been enabled to escape from the burden which before oppressed and weighed me down4 ,the consciousness that we were spending all our strength1 mental and physical1 upon a vain attempt for an unattainable result1 was worse to me than any degree of labor for an attainable end1 or even any uncertainty about the future means of support4 ,i rejoice that my husband is free from that incubus upon his spirits2 and still more do ,i rejoice1 that it is given to us both to feel1 in the uncertainty that lies before us1 such a tranquil trust that all will be well1 that we have no fear1 no wish4 ,still there is room for much mental and spiritual discipline2 and ,i must acknowledge that there are times when the weakness of the flesh overcomes the willingness of the spirit1 and ,i feel for the time entirely depressed by a sense of inadequacy to meet the demands of duty4 ,i have not the power to do all that ought to be done1 and ,i feel as if the effects of my incapacity would be grievous4 ,i know that one has no right to suffer from this1 because we ought to have faith to believe that the trials even of our own insufficiency are designed to accomplish some end4 ,but the consciousness that others are suffering from our deficiencies is just the very hardest thing to bear in life4 ,it is my cross1 and always has been2 and ,i fear ,i do not learn as ,i ought1 to bear it in meekness and humility1--,i need not say 'fear1' ,i know ,i do not4 ,to those familiar with the life of ,henry ,ware1 and with its close1 it is unnecessary to recount the events of the year #ahdc2 the year that brought into stern requisition all the trust and endurance of a devoted wife4 ,she had long seen that this trial was approaching1 and had fortified herself to meet it1 not by putting the thought of it aside1 but by keeping it before her1 and making it familiar1 that it might never take her by surprise4 ,and long had she thus disciplined her mind and her affections4 ,for during the sixteen years that she had lived with ,mr4 ,ware1 she could never1 for any long time1 have failed to see the great precariousness of his hold on life4 ,at this very period1 she says3 ,in such alternation of hope and fear do ,i live1 and indeed have lived for the greater part of my married life4 ,yet how much had she enjoyed life6 and what an amount of happiness1 labor1 and usefulness had she extorted--if we may use the word in a grateful sense1 as she would--from every year and every position6 ,in the spring of #ahdc she accompanied her husband to ,boston1 for a short visit at his brother's2 and there occurred that severe and alarming illness1 which confined ,mr4 ,ware for ten weeks1 and from the effects of which he never recovered4 ,of this attack1 and of all that intervened until his death1 we will not give the particulars1 but would only trace ,mrs4 ,ware's own thoughts and feelings1 as she expressed them from time to time in letters and fragments of letters to those most concerned4 ,boston1 ,thursday1 ,may #aa4 ,since writing to you1 dear ,n----1 ,i have had a season of intense anxiety4 ,sunday1 ,monday1 and ,tuesday1 ,mr4 ,ware suffered extremely1 and it was not clear what was the nature of the difficulty that produced this suffering2 one thing only was certain1--that he was very sick1 and too weak to bear such distress long4 ,it must be a long time before he is free from the effects of it1 even if he have strength to hold out4 ,so end my hopes for the present1 and ,i must give up all thought about any thing but the care of my husband1 for ,i know not how long4 ,god's will be done6 ,,he must know what is best1--but it is not easy to understand how it is so in this case4 ,and if it were easy1 where would be room for ,faith8444 ,these are trying1 but blessed days1 for the cultivation of the spirit of faith and trust2 and ,i know ,i need much to make me feel that this is not my home4 ,god grant that ,i may effectually learn it1 so as to be not only willing1 but glad1 to give up all that belongs to me here1 confident in the prospect of a reunion in a better state6 ,i shall write again if ,i can1 but ,i have few minutes unoccupied4 99 99 99 99 99 ,boston1 ,may1 #ahdc4 ,my dear child3 ,father continued very much as you left him1 yesterday4 ,he does not suffer as much as he did1 but his disease is a very tedious one1 and it may be many weeks before he is able to get home1 if it pleases ,god still to restore him to health4 ,let us pray to ,him to look in mercy upon us1 and spare him to us yet longer4 ,the circumstances of our lot in life are just now very trying1 and no doubt are arranged for us in order to our improvement4 ,it is a great trial to father and me to be separated from our children so long2 and to you all1 this separation brings the greater responsibility to watch over yourselves1 that you do in all things right1--not what is most pleasant1 not what we wish1 but what is right to do1 without regard to self4 ,next to my anxiety about father1 now1 is my anxiety about you2 because ,i feel that you are at an age when the habits are formed1 and the principles of action settled for life2 that your whole future1 for time and for eternity1 may depend upon these years4 ,and ,i cannot feel happy unless ,i see you gaining from day to day more and more of that self-discipline and self-control1 which can alone1 by the grace of ,god1 make you what you ought to be4 ,mr4 ,ware was able to return to ,framingham in ,june1 and afterward took several short journeys among friends1 one as far as ,plymouth1 and thence to ,fall ,river 7where his son was then settled in the ministry71 and home by ,providence1--his last visit to those places4 ,in ,august1 another and still more violent attack upon the brain prostrated him completely2 and the remaining five or six weeks of his life seemed only a vacillation between earth and heaven1--yielding transporting glimpses of the latter1 but constantly drawing him back to the former1--and creating altogether as hard a trial for the sufferer1 and those around him1 as can easily be conceived4 ,august #ag4 ,we feel1 in father's case1 'how vain is the help of man4' ,his system is so delicate1 that he cannot bear the administration of any potent means4 ,our reliance must be upon our ,heavenly ,parent1 in whose hand are the issues of life and death4 ,let us pray to ,him1 that1 if it be consistent with his wisdom1 this cup may pass from us2 but let us be ready to say1 and feel in our inmost hearts1 ',not my will1 but thine1 ,o ,lord1 be done'6444 ,we do not feel it to be impossible that dear father should recover from this illness2 but we know that his repeated sicknesses must have weakened his power of reaction1 and we strive1 therefore1 to be prepared for any result4 ,the very uncertainty is appointed for our good2 let us use it1 my dear child1 for our spiritual advancement4444 ,god bless you6 be submissive1 be patient1 be grateful1 if it so please ,god that dear father should be released from the burden of his earthly house1 to be transported to his heavenly home1 where there is no more pain4 99 99 99 99 99 ,august #ba4 ,it is all in the hands of ,infinite ,love and ,wisdom4 ,god will order all well2 let us be willing and be thankful to place our trust in ,him4 ,what a mercy it is to us1 that ,he has not given us the power of foreknowledge6 ,but whatever may be the event1 let us not lose the benefit of this discipline to our souls2 let us strive to increase our faith in ,god's goodness1 our trust in his love4444 ,i cannot write much1 for ,i cannot leave father many minutes at a time1--and all the time ,i can get1 ,i am bound to devote to sleep4 99 99 99 99 99 ,august #bc4 444 ,thus you see we are vibrating between hope and fear4 ,but it is a question whether we have a right to allow either2 for we know not what is best for him or for ourselves4 99 99 99 99 99 ,august #bi4 ,my dear ,emma3 ,i must say a few words to you1 to thank you for your most welcome letter received yesterday4 ,how much ,i have longed for some intercourse with you1 during the last two months1 you can judge better by your own experience now1 than by any words of mine4 ,i have wished1 as you do now1 to know all that was passing within the deep fountains of your spiritual life1 and nothing but the absolute necessity of the case has kept me away from you4 ,now1 ,i say1 come1 whenever you can2 you will be most welcome to us all1 and to me your presence will be a real benediction4 ,i feel at times as if ,i should be overpowered by the tumult of feelings to which ,i dare not give utterance here1 where the composure of all around me depends so much upon my calmness4 ,this last fortnight has shaken to its very foundation the whole fabric of my spiritual being1--thank ,god6 not to displace a single fibre of the fabric4 ,but there has been such a heaving up of all that was hidden in the depths of past experience1 as has wellnigh conquered at times my self-control1 and ,i have felt that ,i must utter myself1 or be lost2 yet to no one have ,i dared to speak4 ,john's sickness here has made composure with him peculiarly important4444 ,happily1 we cannot lift the veil of the future2 we can only be ready for whatever may be in store for us1 and this ,i trust we are4444 ,i have been prevented from writing in the daytime1 and now1 at eleven o'clock1 ,i am compelled by weariness to shut my eyes1 and rest4 99 99 99 99 99 ,august #cj4 ,my dear ,lucy3 ,i should indeed rejoice if you were able to be here1 for ,i long for some communion with one who could so enter into all my views and feelings at this time as ,i know you would4 ,but ,i bow in submission to all the discipline which ,god appoints for me4444 ,in some respects the bitterness of the stroke has passed4 ,i felt that the real separation came with the conviction1 that that mind with which my spirit had so long communed in the truest sympathy was clouded for the remainder of its sojourn in the body4 ,the sense of solitude1 of isolation1 ,i had almost said desolation1 was for a time nearly overpowering2 and there are moments when life looks so like a blank1 that it is not easy to restrain the wish to go too4 ,but the necessity of calmness for the children's sake1 feeling that their state of mind would inevitably be influenced by the tone ,i should give it1 has aided me in preserving a quiet exterior2 and so we have had the great comfort of peace and entire freedom from agitation and excitement4 ,god give us strength to preserve it6 ,but this weary waiting from day to day1 alternately hoping and feeling that there is no reason to hope1 wears upon the nerves1--the days seem interminable1 and the nights ages4444 ,long as ,i have looked forward to this change1 it seems like a dream from which ,i must awake1--as if it could not be6 ,no wonder2--for fifteen years1 his health1 he indeed1 has been the first1 almost the sole1 object of my life4 ,it will be long before ,i can turn even to my children1 with the consciousness that they can now be attended to without neglecting him4 ,the struggle was over4 ,henry ,ware died1 at ,framingham1 on ,friday morning1 ,september #bb4 ,a ,sunday intervened before the body was removed for burial1 and that day ,mrs4 ,ware went1 with her children1 morning and afternoon1 to their accustomed place of worship2 desiring it for their own sacred communion1 and believing it most in accordance with his feelings4 ,to her faith1 with her habitual view of duty and death1 this was probably no effort4 ,to many it would be impossible1 even with the same faith2 for1 unhappily1 association and custom are allowed to check our highest aspirations in the holiest seasons1 so that many would consider such an effort unnatural and strange4 ,is it not more strange1 that it should ever seem unnatural for a ,christian mourner to go to the house of ,god1 in the most solemn hours of life1--especially when that house is completely identified with the life and image of the departed8 ,mrs4 ,ware was grateful also for the power of associating the idea of ,death1 in the minds of her children1 not with restraint and gloom1 but with the place of prayer and praise1 and the cheerful presence of devout worshippers4 ,it was a beautiful exemplification of her high trust1 in harmony with her whole character4 ,we honor the principle1 and thank her for the act4 ,true1 it was an altered and saddened house to which they returned1 yet saddened by no gloomy aspect1 disturbed by no busy preparation4 ,there was less than usual of care and hurry1 instead of more4 ,it was a holy season1 says one of the daughters1 those days after dear father left us2 no bustle1 no preparation of dress1 no work done but what was absolutely necessary2 it was like a continued ,sabbath4 ,then1 on ,sabbath evening1 after a simple religious service1 the precious remains of the husband and father were taken in their own carriage1 by the wife and eldest son1 to ,cambridge2 where1 the next day1 the more public ceremony of interment took place4 ,but of this whole experience it is right to let ,mrs4 ,ware speak in her own letters1 several of which we add4 ,the first was written the day after the funeral1 to an absent child1 and the others to different friends after her return to ,framingham4 ,we take them from among many written at that time1 either in answer to offers of sympathy1 or as a relief to a burdened heart4 ,of necessity1 they contain some repetitions of the same thought1 in similar language2 but it is best to give them as they are1 that we may see in them how great was the bereavement and how deep the anguish of one whose countenance was always cheerful4 ,cambridge1 ,september #bf1 #ahdc4 ,,my ,,dear ,,child3-- ,i use my first moment of repose to write to you1 for ,i know you will long to hear what we have been doing1 and as far as possible to enter into all our thoughts and feelings4 ,i want to have you know all that has taken place since you left us1 and shall therefore send you a minute detail of every day1 when ,i shall have time to write it2 but now so much is pressing upon me which demands attention1 so many duties which must not be neglected1 and which belong to this time1 and must be performed at once1 that ,i confine myself to the last two days4 ,after dear father's death1 ,i told ,uncle ,john that ,i wished all arrangements with regard to his funeral should be made in accordance with grandfather's feelings2 and ,i gave it wholly into his hands to arrange4 ,he came up again on ,saturday1 and it was decided that we should come to grandfather's on ,monday morning1 and have a service at his house4 ,on ,sunday we all went to meeting2 we felt it was good to go to the house of ,god1 and find peace to our troubled souls in the act of worship4 ,about six in the evening ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,barry came to us1 for ,i felt that ,i could not have father's body leave that house without 'the voice of prayer at the sable bier1 ,a voice to sustain1 to soothe1 and to cheer4' ,he read to us some passages of ,scripture1 and offered for us and with us a prayer to ,him who alone could give us strength1 that he would aid us in that trying hour4 ,we had no one with us except ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,w----1 whose kindness was most valuable to us during the last days of father's life4 ,then ,john and ,i brought dear father's body to ,cambridge in our own carriage2 we could not feel willing to let strangers do any thing in connection with him which we could do ourselves4 ,we reached here about half past ten1 having had a season of precious intercourse upon our way4 ,we found that1 in accordance with the wishes of the ,college ,faculty1 it had been decided that we should go to the ,college ,chapel1 for the service1 at half past three on ,monday4 ,on ,monday morning the rest of the family came down1 and all the aunts and uncles1 so that grandfather had all his children with him4 ,at three o'clock we went to the ,chapel4 ,the students attended in their places1 and the pews in the gallery were devoted to us4 ,the service commenced by a voluntary1 and the anthem1 ',the ,lord is my shepherd4' ,dr4 ,francis prayed2 ,dr4 ,noyes read some passages from ,scripture2 then was sung the #dfc;d hymn4 ,dr4 ,parkman then prayed for us1 in his most touching1 heartfelt manner1--so elevating1 so soothing1 so full of faith1 gratitude1 and hope1 that it subdued all earthly emotion and took away all earthly desire4 ,although very minute and personal1 it seemed as if one might have listened for ever without a thought of self4 ,he loved father most sincerely1 and all he said came from the depths of his heart4 ,i had shrunk from the thought of publicity at such a time1 in such a connection1 but ,i found that the circumstances about me were wholly lost sight of2 it made no difference to me where ,i was1 or who was near me4 ,i felt raised above all minor considerations4 ,the services closed with ',unveil thy bosom1 faithful tomb6' ,we all went to ,mount ,auburn2 that is1 all the family1 even grandfather and dear little ,charlie4 ,the weather was misty1 but the light which it threw around was in keeping with the occasion1 and ,i thought ,i never had seen the place look more beautiful4 ,one only thing ,i wanted which ,i could not have1--the sound of the holy hymn at the consecrated spot4 ,father was laid in ,mr4 ,farrar's tomb1--the first inhabitant2 and ,i felt1 as ,i looked once more upon him as he rested there1 that it was indeed but his body from which we were to be separated2 his spirit is still1 and will ever be1 with us4 ,he seems to me nearer to-day than he has for many weeks1 and the thought of his freedom from the burden of the weary flesh is sweet indeed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,framingham1 ,september #bi1 #ahdc4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,i cannot write you more than a few words1 ,i am so much pressed on all sides by matters which cannot be put off2 but ,i must say these few1 to assure you of the peace and repose which are with us1 and have been1 ,i may say1 ever since you were here4 ,o that you had been with us longer1--that you could have been with me at that still hour when the spirit was freed from its prison-house1 the weary body left to its rest6 ,and it was rest4 ,could you have seen the very 'rapture of repose' depicted upon that face1 which had so long been disturbed by the pressure of disease that its very expression had been changed to a character foreign to the whole man6 ,all continued of the same peaceful character which pervaded our atmosphere when you were here1 with the exception of a few days of a little temporary uneasiness about the time ,c---- ,r---- was here4 ,and the last fatal attack1 coming as it did at a moment of rather unusual brightness1 was so sudden and so soon over1 that there was no time for change4 ,dear little ,charlie1 who had just returned1 was at the moment bounding1 in the height of his joyous spirits1 from one side of the bed to the other1 exclaiming1 ',sall ,i buss the flies off you1 father8' ,he was taken at once to bed2 and when he came down in the morning he found his dear father lying just as he had left him the night before1 looking only more peaceful1 more beautiful1 and he took up the same thought1--',sall ,i buss the flies off father1 now he has gone to heaven8' ,i felt it a peculiar blessing1 that all the circumstances of the event were such as to make any movement or change in any external respect unnecessary1 so that the children might have their first associations with the fact of death without any horror1 and their recollection of their father uninterrupted by any repulsive details4 ,he lay in his bed just as he had when talking with them1 until he was removed from the house1 and that process the little ones did not witness4 ,i doubt not it will give a tone to their view of the subject through life4 ,but why should ,i dwell upon these externals8 ,simply that you may dismiss from your mind any thoughts of distress connected with us at that moment2 and you know all that ,i can tell you of the spirit within4 ,you know how ,i have suffered in anticipation of this separation1 but all the worst agony connected with it is yet to come4 ,it is comparatively easy now to be calm and firm and thankful2 the first thought cannot but be of him and his present happiness2 and the sense of relief that the sufferings of that blessed being are over1 that he has gone to his ,father's home1 'to the house of his rest1' is so great1 that no other thought dare intrude4 ,i long to see you1 and hope to do so soon4 ,i go to ,cambridge to-morrow1 to be in ,boston on ,sunday4 ,i could not deny myself the luxury of going once more to that house of his religious affections1 in connection with him4 ,that spot has most sacred1 most tender associations to me1 so full that it would be enough to sit there in silent meditation2 and if ,i feared any thing1 ,i should fear that it would be too overwhelming to be borne1 to go there in public4 ,but ,i have found by my experience on ,monday1 that the surroundings of such a moment are of no consequence4 ,i have a quiet faith that the strength will come4 ,o1 may improvement1 elevation1 come also6444 ,john leaves us soon4 ,he and ,i had a holy season1 as we went1 in the stillness of the night1 to carry those precious remains to ,cambridge4 ,i find it is as ,i anticipated1--,i feel a greater nearness to my husband than ,i did when he lay on his couch in the next room4 ,i am separated from that form2 ,i look back to it only as the associate of the spirit in health2 ,i do not cling to it now4 ,yours in all love4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,framingham1 ,october #f1 #ahdc4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3-- ,the first moment ,i can call my own since my return from ,cambridge1 ,i turn to you4 ,i know no one to whom ,i can so freely pour out all that is in my heart1 as for the first time ,i pause a little from the pressure of necessary action1 and realize the change that has taken place in every thing about me4444 ,i wanted you at my side1 when ,i stood once more at that sacred spot where we had laid our dear sister's image4 ,you and ,i can never forget that moment4 ,and1 though not near1 you were in close communion with the spirit in that holy hour4 ,as ,i glance back at the period which has elapsed since you were here1 one single thought takes precedence of all the rest4 ,it is astonishment at the power of the soul to sustain the pressure of circumstances1 the tension and excitement of feeling1 the necessity of positive1 energetic action1 when the very heart-strings seem riven asunder1--and the capacity of sustaining a tranquil1 and even cheerful aspect1 when 'the dull1 heart-sinking weight' of a vital grief is bearing us down1 down1 down1--one can scarcely believe there are any soundings to that deep gulf4 ,yet so it is2 and does it not open our vision to the glorious truth of the alliance of the soul with its divine origin8 ,what but that inexhaustible1 fountain of strength could sustain us1 when the waves of trouble thus threaten to overwhelm us8 ,rich1 blessed1 indeed1 is the experience which brings this conviction to our minds2 holy is that season in which we can live as it were in the light of such a faith6 ,and holy indeed has it been to me4 ,i feel that my danger now is1 that ,i reluctantly do any thing that shall remove me from the influence of the atmosphere which it seems as if death had created around me4 ,death8 transition ,i would rather call it4 ,and yet let us strive to disabuse that word of some of the horrors in which education has wrapt it4 ,o1 could you have seen how mercifully it was stripped of all its terrors to us1 how calmly that spirit left its earthly tabernacle1 how sweet was the impress of peace and rest it left upon that face which had so long almost lost its own expression in the veil that sickness had thrown over it6 ,its last expression would have rebuked the slightest wish to recall the spirit1 had we been so selfish as to have indulged one4 ,we could scarcely be willing to be separated from that image of him we loved1 so powerfully even in death did it express his character4 ,even the little children preferred being there1 rather than anywhere beside2 and will1 ,i think1 all1 including even little ,charlie1 remember this first knowledge of a death-bed as a beautiful experience4 ,the first part of ,henry's sickness he seemed quite unconscious of what was around him2 torpid1 and at times wandering in his expressions4 ,but the last three weeks1 although still unable to exert himself to talk1--for it tired him1 he said1 'even to think1'--his mind was perfectly clear2 indeed1 ,i had reason to suppose his mind was never as much clouded to himself1 as it appeared to be to us4 ,the pressure upon his brain was so great1 as to produce great difficulty of action of any kind2 his ideas were often clear1 but the power of finding words to convey them was paralyzed4 ,he said little at any time1 and yet ,i find1 in surveying the whole period1 that ,i have many satisfactory views of the whole state of his mind in relation to the change that he was making4 ,he never had but one view of his own situation2 he felt decidedly that the time for going home was come1--'the fitting time1' 'the best time'2 and he was grateful that the toil of sickness and inability was at an end4 ,and so convinced was ,i1 that1 if he should revive from that attack1 it could only be to continue to suffer still more than he had done1 from inability to do what he had hoped to1 this autumn1 for the good of his fellow-men1 that ,i too felt that it was indeed the fitting time4 ,and so intense was my suffering from the apprehension of his continuing1 for years perhaps1 in the half-paralyzed1 half-torpid state in which he lay for so many weeks1 that it was not only with resignation1 it was with a sense of relief1 that ,i saw the doubt was at an end1 the prisoner was released4 ,so strange is it1 that that event to which ,i had ever looked forward as the one thing that could not be borne in life1 came at last under circumstances which made it welcome6 ,do ,i live to say it1 to feel it8 ,but ,o the chasm left in my lot1 in my heart6 ,who can estimate it6 ,no one4 ,no1 'the heart knoweth its own bitterness'2 no human being can enter into it4444 ,but ,i must stop4 ,i hope to see you1 or at least hear from you4 ,yours with much love4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,framingham1 ,november #e1 #ahdc4 ,,my ,,dear ,,emma3-- ,this has been a day of peculiar trial to me4 ,at no period1 since the commencement of ,henry's last sickness1 have ,i found it so difficult to adhere to my determination not to trouble those around me by the want of self-control4 ,this first communion service since that sacred occasion1 when we together witnessed that celebration of the rite by him who can now be present only in spirit6 ,i feel as if ,i needed the relief of utterance2 and to whom can ,i go for this relief so naturally as to you1 who are strongly associated with the remembrance which so deeply agitates my spirit8 ,it frightens me1 when1 upon such an occasion as this1 ,i am led to probe the nature of my feelings1 to find how much the reference to him in his spiritual state is becoming to me a substitute for all other thoughts of heaven4 ,great as was my absorption in him while he was with me here1 ,i find it is so far from being lessened by the removal of his visible presence1 that it has only changed its character into an idolatry of a more alarming nature4 ,it is so much easier for me to conceive of his presence than of that of any other spirits1 that it is the thought of his inspection of my inmost soul that dwells perpetually on my mind1 whatever ,i do1 or say1 or think1 to the exclusion1 except by an effort1 of the idea of even a higher presence4 ,what shall ,i do1 if this grows upon me8 ,how shall ,i root out this enemy to ,christian improvement8 ,it may be only the first effect of the blow4 ,time may modify or rectify this infidelity1--,i trust it will2 but at present it is overwhelming4 ,o1 how deeply do such seasons of strong emotion make me realize my loneliness1 now that ,i have no longer that ever-ready sympathy1 that composing1 strengthening counsel to turn to1 with the certainty of comfort and peace in the turning6 ,i do indeed feel his presence with me1 but my heart calls and he 'answers not again'2 there can be no response to my application4 ,how deeply1 how tenderly1 is he associated with all the holiest hours of existence6 ,it seemed to me to-day ,i could hear his voice in the hymn which had so often been read by him on the same occasion2 ,i could anticipate the words which would fall upon my ear as we should leave that service together1 rejoicing1 as he was wont to do1 that such a service had been ordained for weak1 sensual mortals1 to take their souls sometimes away from flesh and sense to the unfettered contemplation of heavenly love4 ,fully do ,i realize1 that the sense of loss is to grow with every added day of my existence2 nothing can come near enough to supply it in the least degree2 nothing else can become so a part of one's own self4 ,this consciousness of desolation must press perpetually like a weight upon my heart1 as long as life lasts4 ,and yet how strange6 ,i go on1 and every thing goes on outwardly as before4 ,i eat1 drink1 sleep1 talk1 and laugh with others1 whenever it is important for their comfort to do so1 as if nothing had changed4 ,in the midst of all1 ,i stop and ask myself1 ',am ,i dreaming8' ,or is it really true that ,i am alone1--that that point has been actually passed1 which in anticipation had always seemed impossible in the possession of any power of action8 ,i have thought that the trial could not be borne and sense left6 ,but why indulge myself in this strain8 ,i find ,i cannot write1 or even think1 connectedly2 so ,i will stop4 ,your own ,,mary4 ,language so strong as this1 from a nature so calm as ,mary ,ware's1 means a great deal4 ,nor can we marvel4 ,for what a change is that through which a true woman passes1--from wife to widow6 ,is it not greater than even the first change8 ,often has ,mary referred to the difference1 which few could feel as she had1 between her former isolation as to natural ties1 and her adoption into a large and united family circle4 ,but now she felt the change through which she was passing still more1--inasmuch as she had a more profound and pervading sense of all that is comprised in conjugal affections and parental responsibilities4 ,and while none can have a higher standard of duty and obligation1 very few have a meeker estimate of their own powers2 particularly as regards the care and the training of ,children4 ,this was to be now her great work1--the chief object and anxiety of her remaining days4 ,and unfeignedly did she shrink1 not from the task1 but from the vastness of the trust and the burden to be sustained alone4 ,when ,i think of this large family of little children to be left to my care1 instead of his1 it requires a process of thought to feel so assured that ,god can bring good out of seeming evil1 and work out his purposes by the weakest instruments1 as to be able to calm the throbs of anxiety1 and say1 ',peace1 be still6' to the troubled spirit4 ,true1 her ideal was high1 and she could never be satisfied with that which would more than satisfy many parents4 ,years before had she said of one of her children3 ,for her intellectual progress ,i have no anxiety1 that is1 so far as the acquisition of knowledge goes2 but how to cultivate the moral1 so that it shall govern and guide this intellectual progress into the right channels1 and establish the supremacy of the spiritual in the character1 ,i know not4 ,again1 she exclaims3 ,and these are ,mary ,pickard's children6 ,when ,i go back in recollection to ,pearl ,street days1 to its long hours of lone watching1 when my mind dwelt upon the deficiencies of my condition until it had exaggerated to a more than earthly possibility the happiness of having something to love which would satisfy the desires of my mind and heart1--and then compare that longing with the present reality1--is it strange that ,i can scarcely realize my identity with that same lone one8 ,the time had now come when she was again a lone one4 ,and this is what we would say1--that the loneliness which follows1 is far greater than that which precedes1 the knowledge and enjoyment of such communion and cooperation as she had known4 ,nor is there any thing inexplicable in the fact1 that the most conscientious1 even the strongest in character and highest in aim1 suffer most from a sense of their own deficiencies1 and use language which seems to many exaggerated and hardly sincere4 ,i am so perpetually oppressed1 writes ,mary at this time1 with the sense of nothingness1 it is so very difficult for me to realize that ,i am to be regarded even by my children as the leader in any matter1 that it all but frightens me to have any one look to me as one who is expected to have some influence4 ,this is no mock humility2 ,i think as well of myself as ,i deserve4 ,i am aware that it grows in some measure out of the newness of my position1 and know that time and habit may bring somewhat different feelings2 but it is only these which can do it1 and ,i must suffer for a long time yet from this as well as from the other effects of isolation4 ,we are the more willing to disclose such feelings1 in connection with such character1 from the fact that the world is severe in its judgment of those1 whose affliction is not worn as a garment or an altered visage1 but whose whole aspect and demeanor1 even their occupations and apparent enjoyment of life1 are nearly the same as at other times4 ,at the time of her writing the words which we last quoted1 ,mrs4 ,ware had just exerted herself to collect in her own desolate home a little circle of children and youth for their social enjoyment1 in which she freely mingled1 and doubtless seemed cheerful and happy4 ,and yet she said of it soon after1 that at no moment since her trial had she felt so intensely or suffered more poignantly4 ,every word was an ,herculean labor2 and ,i was conscious that all were disturbed by it4 ,for once1 ,i must say1 ,i could not help it4 ,and shall ,i tell you all my wickedness8 ,i have in vain tried to look at life with sufficient interest to care about living4 ,it has seemed to me that my children would be as well without me1 as they could be under my imperfect guidance4 ,i could not excite in myself any of that zest in the pursuit of an object which alone could satisfy the heart4 ,i felt homesick when ,i waked up in the morning1 and would fain shut my eyes and forget that there was any thing for me to do4 ,how much she did1 particularly in regard to that which we see was most upon her heart1 the care and culture of her children's minds1 will appear in larger extracts which we make from letters of this and the previous year1 brought together as referring to the same great subject of education and domestic discipline1--the first having been written to her husband1 the others to her children4 ,my dear ,henry3 444 ,when ,i am left to the sole care of my family1 there is nothing that exercises my mind more than the right performance of family worship4 ,it seems to me that it ought to be more peculiarly adapted to the capacities of children than we are apt to make it4 ,for the older and well-educated part of a family1 other means of instruction and communion with ,god are open and acceptable every day2 but the children and domestics must of necessity depend upon this exercise for nearly all the religious influences of the day4 ,the simplicity of diction which would fix the attention of even little children1 would not be too plain for the generality of domestics2 and we all feel that the most simple is often the most sublime and affecting expression in relation to the soul's connection with its ,creator4 ,i think1 therefore1 that the main object should be to excite in the minds of those present some clear ideas1 which will be likely to stay in their minds through the day1 and work there to some definite result2 and that the choice of subjects should grow as far as possible out of the peculiar circumstances of the family1--not merely the general1 but particular circumstances4 ,for instance1 if they are about separating1 to dwell upon the use to be made of such an event1 reminding us of final separation and the tenderness which should grow out of that thought towards all that are left4 ,is one child peculiarly out of humor8 ,it will do no harm to any to be reminded of the importance of governing our passions2 and1 if done in the right way1 subdue the rebellious spirit more than any arguments4 ,so1 too1 with regard to reading the ,scriptures2 it seems to me the time is all but lost if a familiarity of the words only is gained1 and that the book should never be closed without having the attention fixed upon some one at least of the useful passages read1 either in the way of explanation or application to duty4444 ,i have not time now to put into shape half that is in my mind1 but ,i really feel that we do not do justice to our children in not acting more directly upon their religious characters every day4 ,in many instances1 ,i believe a wayward spirit might be checked by having a useful current of thought opened for it1 which would take off the mind from the subject of irritation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear ,e----3 444 ,looking at affairs at home from a distance1 ,i see many points in which we need improvement1 and ,i want to talk and read more with you upon the subject of education4 ,when we look back1 and see and feel how much the circumstances by which we were surrounded1 and the treatment of those about us1 affected our views1 we must bring it home to ourselves that what we are now doing is having the same influence upon them4 ,god has set us apart in families to mark out for us a specific line of duty2 and however we may wish that our path had been different1 or our duties less arduous1 as they are of ,his appointment1 we have reason to believe they are the best for us4 ,the longer ,i live1 the more ,i realize the value of love1 affectionate interest2 and ,i think that many things1 which we are apt to consider of moment at the time1 ought to give way whenever they interfere with the cultivation of the affections in children4 ,disagreeable manners1 childish though annoying ways1 may be remedied in after-life1 and are1 after all1 matters of very secondary importance in comparison with the growth of love1 which is often sacrificed to them4 ,to children the perpetual irritation of a check in trifles keeps the temper in a turmoil1 and1 by their standard1 makes small things as important as great ones4 ,fault-finding is blame to them1 be the subject what it may1 and they will have an association of jarring and displeasure with those who keep it up1 let the cause be ever so small1 as lasting as if it were larger4 ,we need change in this thing2 we want a more cheerful atmosphere1 a more affectionate1 interested one1 in which the affections may grow1 and have room to expand4 ,i do believe in ,mrs4 ----'s doctrine to a great extent1 that virtue thrives best in an atmosphere of love4 ,we should gain our object better1 if1 instead of finding fault with an action1 we set ourselves to produce a better state of feeling1 without noticing the action4 ,children imitate the manners of their elders1 more especially of their elder brothers and sisters2 for of course they feel that they are similarly situated1 not always making the distinction of age which is expected of them4 ,and ,i have always observed that the younger members of a household take their tone from the character and ways of the first in their rank1 more than from their parents4 ,i could name many instances of this which have come under your notice1 as well as mine1 and it does1 as you say1 make the responsibility of an older sister great4 ,but do not feel that it is too great2 be contented with doing all that you can1 and not discouraged because you cannot satisfy your own conceptions4 ,it is best for us1 it is said1 to aim at perfection2 even if it is not to be attained1 it keeps up our efforts for something higher and higher4 99 99 99 99 99 ,my dear ,e----3 444 ,the old saying1 that 'children will be children1' might be improved by the substitution of 'should' for 'will4' ,i mean in the sense1 that their natural characters1 which are as different as their faces1 ought to be educated gradually2 not requiring of one child any thing because another child does it1 to whom the thing may be perfectly easy1 or more than we can in justice require of them at their age1 in consideration of their peculiar circumstances4 ,we are to judge and discipline a child simply in reference to its own individual character and circumstances1 and deal with it with the single view to the improvement of its individual character1 rather than to our own comfort or even its external improvement4 ,now1 of course1 the application of this principle1 in detail1 involves a great deal of thought1 observation1 and self-denial2 but if we really desire to do good1 and this opportunity of doing it is in our path1 can we engage in a work of more extensive good1 when we consider how these children's characters are to influence a still larger circle1 and how great is our responsibility to future generations as well as the present1 that we do all we can to prepare the way for their best instruction8444 ,but to come down to our own case4 ,we all take too much notice of mere disagreeables4 ,the evil of doing this is obvious2 if the child is dealt with in the same way for making a noise1 or for carelessness1 that it is for a moral delinquency1 it soon learns to confound moral distinctions2 and if it is fretted by being perpetually talked to about small things1 it is easily worked up to a state of irritation which leads almost insensibly1 and certainly without any design1 to the commission of some moral misdemeanor4 ,i think we may often see this with all children1 and it is very clear1 in such a case1 that their sin is as much our fault as theirs4 ,we should watch our own state very carefully1 and see how far our desire to cheek them grows out of our own peculiar state at the time1 and how far that influences our view of the offence4 ,we all know that what at some times we feel to be a great annoyance1 is of no consequence to us at others2 and for the same reason1 in a different physical state1 it is sometimes easier for them to control themselves than at others4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear ,e----3 444 ,i think it is good for young people to have some variety in life4 ,i suffered much from the want of it2 and ,i trust that you have too much good sense and right feeling to be unreasonable in your wishes1 or in any measure unfitted for the duties and enjoyments of home by the indulgence4 ,i know it has formerly been a great trial of your patience to pass from the irresponsible position of a visitor1 to the occupations and responsibilities of home4 ,but ,i trust1 as you grow older and look at life more and more with a clear appreciation of its use and end1 you will take more and more delight in the consciousness of living for some useful object2 and1 despite unpleasant accompaniments1 find1 in using all your powers for the good of others1 a pleasure beyond any to be derived from a mere indulgence of taste4 ,we cannot1 and we had certainly better not1 if we could1 choose our own lot in life2 we know not in that matter what is best for us4 ,it is happily under the guidance of a more perfect wisdom than we can attain1 and we may rest in faith that our position in life is unquestionably the best one for us1 or it would not have been appointed4 ,therefore1 dear ,e41 remember that ,he who appointed all 'knows what is in man1' and in wisdom and love adapts our trials to our wants2 and the very fact that such and such things are particularly hard to bear1 is a proof that we need to cultivate just those virtues which would make it easy to us to bear them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,most people think it as well that the young should 'fight their own battles1' as they term it1 and find their own way out of their childish troubles4 ,but ,i believe many a character is seriously injured by the want of aid in its petty difficulties1 at that period when the right principles of action are most easily taught2 they are as necessary to the right adjustment of small matters as of great4444 ,i do not think as much as ,i once did of the loss of constant intercourse in the daily routine of life1 in cultivating family affection4 ,i believe family attachments are sometimes increased by occasional separation4 ,but ,i do think a great deal of the loss1 to a girl1 of all domestic education1 for the whole of that period when domestic occupations can best be learned4 ,of all objects in life there is none more distasteful to me than a merely literary woman2 no amount of learning is a fair balance1 in my mind1 for the feminine graces of a true woman's character4 ,it is not merely that she looks better1 clean and tidy1 or that a careful use of the needle is a preventive of waste in the use of means1--although these are considerations worth weighing4 ,but there are internal graces connected with these external habits2 and there is no higher object for a woman's life than the cultivation of those powers which make the comfort of a well-ordered household4#e ,footnote #e3 ,a strong assertion2 but it is evident that ,mrs4 ,ware's idea of a well-ordered household comprised all that the ,scriptures mean by the direction1 ,set thine house in order4 99 99 99 99 99 ,december #ca1 #ahdc4 ,the last day of this most eventful year6 ,dear ,annie1 how many precious1 solemn thoughts does the very writing its date suggest6 ,in all the future years of our lives1 be they many or few1 no one1 it now seems1 can bring to us so great1 so affecting a change in outward things1 as this year which is just passing away4 ,it is not only that the outward circumstances of our lives are to take a new course1 because he has left us who was to us the leading and controlling spirit in all that pertained to our life in this world1 but that we shall no longer feel the perpetual action of his character in the daily detail of the education of our souls4444 ,your expressions of discouragement and anxiety about yourself touch me very much4 ,i can enter fully into all your feelings1 for at your age ,i was not only separated from the loved circle and influences of home1 for a time1 but ,i lost for ever my chief earthly dependence for aid and happiness in my mother's death4 ,thus1 being left to myself1 ,i was led to a self-inspection and care of my own character1 which do not usually come for many years after4 ,i know all the trials that beset one's path at your age1 for ,i have had deep experience of them2 and ,i can say with confidence to you1 that they may all be overcome by a resolute will1 united to a true spirit of humility4 ,not1 perhaps1 in one year or two2 but ,i do know that1 by the persevering use of the means which ,god has placed within our reach1 in reliance upon and earnest seeking of the aid which he will give1 we shall make progress in the ,christian life1 the only life which can give us any satisfaction4444 ,seek the truth in your own character1 and see it in others4 ,fix for yourself a high standard of excellence1 and never 'tire nor stop to rest1' until you have put yourself in the way to attain it4 ,stop not then2 there is no stopping in this world 7or in another1 ,i believe74444 ,look your great difficulties full in the face2 seek not to gloss them over1 or find excuses for them4 ,you have them as the means of excellence1 by giving you something to do1 a mode of applying ,christian principle4 ,use them as such1 and faint not4444 ,one thing ,i would suggest4 ,you have been in the habit from earliest childhood1 and ,i trust are still1 of praying before you close your eyes to sleep4 ,i am not sure that you have always done the same when you first awake in the morning4 ,i know that much good may be derived from thus commencing the day with some private devotional exercise4 ,the time given to it must of course depend upon circumstances2 yet there cannot but be1 under any arrangement1 opportunity for at least the offering of a petition for light and strength1 to meet the duties and temptations of the day on which you are entering1 and a thought and resolution in regard to some particular fault to which you know you may be prone4 ,i cannot but believe1 that1 when the day is so commenced1 there is less danger of yielding to temptation than if no such act were performed4 ,one is perplexed to understand how ,mrs4 ,ware1 who neglected no duty1 found time to write so much2 for the letters here published are a small part of all she wrote1 and scarcely any do we publish entire4 ,the explanation is1 that they were written after every thing else was done1 at night1 and very late in the night4 ,it shows the strength of her frame1 that she could follow this habit through life1 till near the end4 ,we suppose it to have been very rare that she was not up and at work beyond midnight4 ,so was it particularly during the winter after ,mr4 ,ware's death2 when her great solace and chief occupation were found in reading and arranging the immense mass of his manuscripts and unfinished works4 ,she says in ,december3 ,the sense of the uncertainty of life1 which is always awakened by the circumstance of death1 made me anxious to do a great deal with respect to ,mr4 ,ware's papers1 which no one could do as well as ,i2 the day was too full of movement to allow an opportunity of doing this before evening1 and ,i found myself night after night poring over manuscripts until twelve1 one1 and two o'clock1 for weeks together4 ,this is not mentioned as an example to be followed2 nor is there reason to think that it is ever done with entire impunity4 ,but the work to which she thus gave herself1 through that lone winter1 was one of pure and high gratification4 ,it was a touching employment1 not melancholy4 ,this living life over again1 when all its sands have been 'diamond-sparks1' not dazzling1 but reflecting the bright hues of heaven1 cannot be melancholy2 it is but a type of future blessedness4 ,but not for her own pleasure alone was this done4 ,she had yielded to the earnest desire of all the friends of her husband1 that a ,memoir should be written1 and many of his letters and private papers given to the public4 ,not1 however1 without long deliberation and great reluctance did she give her consent2 for1 as we have said in the beginning of this work1 it cost a hard struggle1 and even agony1 to open to the public eye that sacred inner life which seemed her own1 and only hers4 ,but here1 as everywhere1 she soon conquered all selfish feeling1 and1 taking the largest view of usefulness and duty1 afforded every facility for a faithful exhibition of such a character4 ,to her son she says3 ,i know that1 if the picture of what he was is to be a true one1 it must have all those beautiful lights and shadows thrown into it which come from the light of the soul2 and ,i hope to be able so to lay aside all personal consideration1 as to do what ought to be done in this regard to make the work as useful as it can be4 ,i trust you will feel so too4 ,in our horror of gossip1 do not let us go to the other extreme1 and be too external and cold4 ,in all such relations1 it was a great part of her principle and power of action1 that she had entire faith in her husband's knowledge of her motives2 with the added conviction1 that1 whatever had been his thoughts and wishes under the burden of the flesh and of disease1 he was now looking only at the highest and broadest aspect1 the spiritual and eternal issues of every act4 ,her communion with his mind seems to have been as habitual and actual as it is possible to conceive4 ,again and again does she refer to it1 and expresses regret and pain when a doubt is raised1 or a check given to the full1 cordial assurance of the fellowship of the spirit4 ,and her enjoyment of this thought was never troubled1 but rather enhanced1 by the thought of another1 with whom the sharer of her affections and her existence was now reunited in heaven4 ,distinctly does she refer to it1 in writing to one of the children of those parents who were now restored to each other4 ,i never experienced the sense of continued union as fully as now4 ,it may be visionary1 but ,i know it is beneficial4 ,your mother and your father are as much really present with me1 to my consciousness1 as if ,scripture had told me so1 it seems to me4 ,in his case1 it is but a continuation of perfect oneness2 in hers1 it has always been the sense of accountableness1 which has aided it4 ,we attempt no concealment of our wish to exhibit fully this rare and beautiful feature of a ,christian's faith and love1--less rare1 we would fain believe1 in the reality of its existence1 than in the courage that avows it4 ,we value it1 not only for its own sake1 in a connection where it is needed and may be the source of peculiar happiness1 but also for the evidence it affords of the power and glory of our religion4 ,we find a letter written on the first anniversary1 after ,henry ,ware's death1 of her decease who had been the object of his earliest attachment1 and whom every later change1 in life and death1 endeared the more4 ,the letter was written to a child of that departed mother4 ,framingham1 ,february #e1 #ahdd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,john3-- ,i always feel1 when ,i get your letters1 as if ,i wanted to sit down and write to you at once1 so much have ,i in my mind that ,i wish to communicate to you1 and so much do ,i enjoy free communication with you4 ,you may thank your stars that ,i do not give way to my inclination1 for you would have more prosing than you would care to read4 ,i am tempted now to depart from my usual custom of writing only once a fortnight1 because ,i feel so much the want of some one with whom to commune upon the subject which cannot but occupy my mind upon this day4 ,it is the first time for seventeen years that ,i have not had a delightful conversation with your dear father upon the event of which it is the anniversary4 ,i loved to hear him tell me of your mother1 for it helped to strengthen the feeling which ,i have loved to cherish1 the sense of responsibility to her in my connection with her children4 ,and her character was so fine a one1 and her early experiences so much like my own1 that ,i always felt that ,i gained wisdom as well as pleasure in contemplating it4444 ,i have often wished ,i could convey to your mind1 without the intervention of words1 what ,i felt to be the tenderness of the relation in which ,i stood to you2 for my views and feelings have always been so different from what ,i find to be general1 that it was not to be expected that you should understand them without such communication4 ,from the very commencement of my connection with your father1 ,i have realized the truth of my long-cherished theory1 that the strength of one affection does not interfere in the least with the strength of another2 we love not one brother or sister or child the less because we have another to love2 if there is any difference in the degree1 it arises from other causes than number2 and ,i know not why it should not be the same in all relations1 where the soul is large enough to take so wide a range4 ,i would thank ,god for this special blessing in addition1 ,i might almost say above all others1 for without it all others would have had a bitter ingredient4 ,it has been one of the purest sources of happiness1 that we could dwell together upon the memory of her who had gone1 and feel an equal anxiety and interest in fulfilling her wishes towards her and our children4 ,with the love of your ,mother4 ,one other letter we give from ,framingham1 addressed to the same son1 in relation to the first experiences and discouragements of the ministry4 ,its plain good sense may be of use to some other beginners1--confirmed as it is by the fact disclosed in it1 that some of the strongest minds and most successful ministers have suffered in the same way4 ,framingham1 ,march #ae1 #ahdd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,john3-- 444 ,i turn now to that for which ,i most wished to write1--your present anxieties in your professional duties4 ,i cannot indeed1 as you say1 help you1 as he could have done1 but ,o how fully can ,i sympathize with you6 ,it is to my mind only the reiteration of what ,i have so often heard from him2 even after the ten years' experience which he had had when ,i first was partaker of his joys and sorrows1 he suffered at times as you do now2 and the details he has given me of his trials when he was first settled would equal1 if not exceed1 yours4 ,you may depend upon it1 dear ,john1 yours is a common experience of all young ministers who have feeling and sensibility enough to be really good ministers2 and you must not be discouraged by thinking your difficulties grow out of peculiar disabilities4 ,i remember hearing a parishioner of ,mr4 ,buckminster say1 that he felt so much his incapacity to administer comfort to the sick and afflicted1 that it was distressing to see him in a sick-room4 ,i wish you could talk freely with some ministers about it4 ,i have no doubt you would find it more or less so with all1 according to their natural temperament4 ,as ,i have said again and again1 it is well to keep one's conscience and sensibilities tender2 it is well to realize one's deficiencies to the extent of making us humble and energetic to improve1 but not to make us despond or be discouraged2 for2 'faint heart never won' the prize of goodness1 any more than of the less spiritual objects4 ,i know what it is to feel that more is expected of one than can be accomplished2 and it is1 ,i grant1 of all things the most distressing4 ,but we must shut our eyes to all such considerations1 and go on1 looking only to the standard we have in our own minds1 striving with all diligence to reach that1 and be satisfied with striving1 if it be but real1 hearty endeavor4444 ,i remember there were some passages in ,taylor's ',holy ,living1' which used to be a great help to me in your state of mind4 ,i have not the book by me1 and cannot quote the words4 ,fenelon1 too1 has much comfort for one thus tried4444 ,we forget1 in our familiarity with what seem 'commonplaces1' that they really contain the great1 fundamental principles from which all strength1 all consolation1 is to be derived2 and of course1 when the vision is quickened by present need1 they all seem to be worth more than at any other time4 ,and as to the other point1 it is not you that speak1--you are only the medium by which the truths which ,god spake are conveyed to the outward ear2 you are only ,his instrument1 and1 while you are to seek to supply yourself with a full portion from the fountain of all truth1 you are to be satisfied to present it as ,his1 not your own2 sympathizing as a fellow-,christian1 not dictating as a leader and guide4 ,i see no other way in which a young1 inexperienced minister can have any comfort in that department of his duties4 ,many reasons come to me which may account for the greater difficulty in cases of sickness1 than in bereavement4 ,truly your ,mother4 ,while looking for a place of permanent residence for herself and family1 with an opportunity of doing something for their support1 ,mrs4 ,ware received an earnest invitation from a gentleman in ,milton1 to go there and take the instruction of three little children1 in connection with her own1 for two or three hours a day4 ,on many accounts1 she was inclined to accept this offer at once4 ,but she looked well at all sides of it1 and especially at its moral aspect and probable influence upon character4 ,one is struck with her plain and practical1 yet comprehensive and exalted view of the question1 where so many would have looked only at the immediate and tangible advantage4 ,there are many things to be weighed before so great a step is taken4 ,expense is of course a great item1 but not the greatest4 ,the influences upon my children must be the first1 usefulness the second1 and the possibility of living without debt a sine qua non anywhere4 ,now ,i am not a very romantic person1 and am not disposed to live under any less refining influences than ,i can help4 ,but my children are destined to work for their living1 and ,i wish to have them as happy in doing so as right principles and a healthy tone of mind can make them4 ,the result of full reflection was favorable to the plan2 and the wisdom of her decision1 while it affected all her remaining days1 became more and more manifest to the end4 ,from that moment she had a new object1 demanding and creating new energies4 ,i already see how ,i shall be a great gainer by this plan1 in the strength of the stimulus it will offer to mental effort4 ,in fact1 ,i begin to realize that ,i am more exhausted mentally than ,i am physically1 by the anxieties of the past1 and absolutely need the application of salutary mental medicines1 as my body would of physical1 if it had suffered in proportion4 ,thus another change was to be made1--and the last1 in a life of change4 ,it cost an effort4 ,this first going forth alone1 to bear new responsibilities1 to make a new experiment1 unaided by his strength1 unassisted by his wisdom1--this is indeed to realize the loss of his companionship as ,i have not done before4 ,but that blessed faith6 that faith in ,him who is 'the strength of the lonely1'--,i have a trust that it will be sufficient for me1 although ,i cannot now see how4 ,a few lines to one of her children1 as the last record on that sacred spot1 closes the life at ,framingham4 ,march #bf1 #ahdd4 ,i think you will like to have a few words written from this room1 consecrated as it is to us1 by having been the last earthly home of dear father's spirit4 ,this is the last time ,i shall sit in this spot2 and ,i feel as if all the memories of the past were concentrated in this moment of time4 ,how much do they tell of the peaceful and holy life which was here closed2 how much recall of that triumphant struggle with the weakness of humanity6 ,dear child1 may we never lose the influence of those last days passed in this place2 may it strengthen1 encourage1 quicken us to all diligence in our ,christian warfare2 knowing that1 if we strive as he did1 we too may enter into that rest which we doubt not he has attained4 ,this is a holy hour1--this leaving the things that are behind1 and stepping forward into a new1 untried scene of life's discipline1--alone1--and yet not alone1 for the ,father is with me4 ,,xiii4 ,,life ,,in ,,milton4 ,life in ,milton is a very different thing to me1 if you are here or elsewhere2 but ,i warn you against letting me cling to your sympathy1 as ,i may if you give me so much of it4 ,i have such a sense of vacuum in life1 that ,i am in danger of leaning upon any one who will let me lean upon him2 and my sense of impaired powers is so constant and oppressive1 that ,i need to be driven to action1 rather than spared it1 to rouse my energies4 ,this is no false modesty2 ,i am sure that ,i am not myself2 ,i have not yet come to act freely in my new position in life2 ,i am not 'at home1'--shall ,i ever be in this world8 ,thus did ,mary ,ware write to a friend and true sympathizer1 whose residence in ,milton was one of the great inducements that had drawn her to that place4 ,she had been there but a short time1 and had not yet risen from the complete exhaustion of body and mind--the effect of years of solicitude1 exertion1 and suffering--for which she made too little allowance4 ,she had been more than mortal1 if she had not felt the effect1 especially in the inevitable reaction when the great anxiety and demand ceased4 ,she would not allow that or any thing to plead for her2 and her danger was1 as we have seen1 that of forgetting the designed and necessary sympathy between body and mind4 ,she did not always forget it4 ,her balanced mind led her to suspect the true cause of the change that had come over her2 and she confessed that what she had called a stroke of mental paralysis was only physical1 though affecting for a time all the powers4 ,still she was inclined1 through its own unconscious influence1 to give it a different name4 ,i doubt not you will smile at my quick sensibility to every thing which is likely to injure myself2 and ,i am deeply convinced that ,i am growing more and more selfish4 ,selfish in moral sensibility6 ,may we not be instructed by this1 as by the other aspects of her eventful life8 ,there is good sense in the pleasantry of her words to ,emma not long before1 in regard to power4 ,i sometimes wonder whether you and ,i are doing ourselves or our constituents justice1--whether we do not attempt too much1 to do any thing as it had best be done1--whether we secure sufficient repose of mind to keep our judgments clear1 our thoughts bright1 and the supply of mental food what it ought to be to enable us to have the best influence of which we are capable4 ,the first letter which we find dated at ,milton discloses much both of the inward and the outward state4 ,milton1 ,june #aa1 #ahdd4 ,,dear ,n----3 ,you have no doubt expected long ago to hear from me4 ,you had a right to do so1 and must have wondered at my silence1 as ,i could not but know how much you must wish to hear of our new life4 ,but ,i have purposely forborne to write2 ,i could not have addressed myself to you1 without uttering all that was passing in my mind and heart2 and so perfectly chaotic has been the state of my feelings1 that ,i was sure it was best to wait until time and experience had arranged and quieted them1 before ,i trusted myself to the slightest expression4 ,it was as if the fountains of the great deep of my soul were broken up1 and the waters were overwhelming every power and faculty4 ,i thought ,i had anticipated the whole amount of suffering which my isolation was to bring to me1 and vainly imagined that ,i was prepared to meet it with a firm mind2 but nothing but experience can picture the agonizing sense of desolation1 which entering upon a new life1 unaided by the sympathy that has been so long the light of life1 brings to me4 ,nothing in life can come near it1 unless it be the homesickness of a little child1 when for the first time it finds itself in new scenes without its mother's presence4 ,at ,framingham ,i was but living out the plan of life which we had formed together2 the sense of association was not for a moment lost1 and it was comparatively easy to realize the continued presence of the spirit4 ,but on leaving that home1 ,i seemed for the first time to be cast upon the world alone1 and every moment's experience in ,boston and elsewhere only increased this feeling1 until it reached its height in the necessity of forming here a new plan of existence1 under circumstances of great responsibility1--alone4 ,i used to think ,i felt all of loneliness that could be felt1 in that little chamber in ,pearl ,street1 and that humble cottage in ,osmotherly2 but that was nothing to this4 ,i had then never known what perfect sympathy was2 ,i could not understand as ,i now do its loss4 ,i have been a puzzle to myself2 but ,i still am sure that ,i would not change1 one iota1 the decree of ,heaven4444 ,we came hither the last week in ,april1 and find everything pleasant1 and every body kind4 ,as far as ,i can yet see1 ,i think ,i anticipated very truly the pros and cons of the case1 not excepting my own incapacity for the employment4 ,one would laugh at the idea of a woman of forty-five doubting her capacity to teach children their letters2 but the intellectual is the least part of the concern to my view1 and ,i still think ,i have no tact for the education of children4 ,the little ,i can do for my own is through the connection which nature has established1 not a power of my own acquisition4 ,i have determined to try the experiment for a year1 and the result only can decide the question of the expediency of pursuing it another year4 ,i must consider the good of my own children first1 of course4444 ,my time is entirely filled1 from early rising to very late sitting4 ,the only time ,i can take for writing is at night when all are in bed1 and ,i ought to be2 for the constant bustle of children wearies my head much4 ,yours1 as ever1 lovingly4 ,m4,l4,w4 ,so far from mental infirmity or loss1 the mind of ,mrs4 ,ware was never1 we should say1 more active or energetic than at this time1 as soon as she was wholly rested4 ,it is obvious1 indeed1 that the growth of the mind had kept pace in her1 as in many1 with the growth of the affections and higher aspirations4 ,in such a character and life1 mental and spiritual are nearly synonymous4 ,the spiritual had been always in exercise1 sharply disciplined and expanded4 ,and thus chiefly1 thus only1 we may almost say1 had she advanced mentally4 ,for she was not a student4 ,no period of her life had permitted her to be an extensive or habitual reader4 ,persons1 and not books1 events and experiences1 were her study4 ,she lost no opportunity of direct instruction1 but she made it subservient1 or rather concomitant1 with other engagements and positive duty4 ,and no better mental discipline1 perhaps1 could she have had1 in connection with the communion she enjoyed with the best minds1 and the lessons of her lot4 ,we see the effect1 and the progress1 continually4 ,there is a striking difference between her earlier and later letters4 ,we have felt1 in fact1 that injustice may have been done1 in giving so many of not only the early1 but the unstudied and hurried1 productions of one so pressed and unpretending4 ,but they all serve to show her as she was4 ,if we mistake not1 vigor rather than feebleness will be seen in her remarks upon that vast and inexhaustible subject1 which now engaged her most1--education4 ,she had always thought herself incompetent to teach2 and no burden or responsibility did she feel more painfully1 than that of opening1 furnishing1 and guiding the minds of children4 ,this can never seem a light or easy task1 unless to the superficial in self-knowledge and conscientiousness4 ,where the religious principle and the moral aim are like hers1 we can understand any confessions of humility or distrust1 in view of such a work2 and we do not doubt the entire sincerity of the fear she more than once expressed1 that she had almost done wrong in giving up the reluctance she at first felt to assume the office of a wife and mother1 on account of her disqualification for so great a charge4 ,and now that it had become an undivided charge1 now that her children were left to her alone1 and she had engaged to be their teacher and sole guardian1 she felt that the duty1 the solicitude1 and the happiness of her life were centred there4 ,o my dear child6--she exclaims1 in addressing one of them1 and referring to all1--when ,i think of what you may be1 my heart beats almost impatiently to stretch forward2 for if life is ever again to have any zest to me1 ever to seem like life1 it must be through the successful struggles of my children4 ,on them ,i now must rely for all ,i can enjoy of this world2 their affection1 their character1 must be my sole dependence4 ,in a letter to ,emma1 a little later1 she speaks of her suffering from the real or imagined loss of power1 particularly in reference to the young4 ,i sometimes think that some strange change has taken place in my 'physical'2 for ,i cannot otherwise account for the torpor which hangs over my mind4 ,all the little animation ,i ever had seems to have departed2 and1 although my mind is crowded with thoughts1 they are a dead letter when ,i attempt to use them for purposes of conversation4 ,i feel this to be a great evil in my intercourse with children4 ,to be sure1 their own inexhaustible spirits are mostly sufficient to their happiness2 yet they need sympathy1 not formally expressed1 but existing in the atmosphere about them4 ,i think ,i have felt the want all my life of a more cheerful home in early childhood1 a fuller participation in the pleasures and 'follies' of youth4 ,i want to have my children remember their home as the happiest spot1 because the most sympathetic as well as the most loving4 ,of ,mrs4 ,ware's seven children1 all1 excepting the oldest son1 made part of the family circle1 with occasional absences at school4 ,to one of the daughters who was absent most1 there are many letters containing well-defined thoughts on intellectual and moral discipline1 and disclosing more fully the fact of her own trials of temper in early life1 to which we have before alluded1 but which many find it difficult to believe4 ,from these letters we take the passages that follow1 the first relating to a visit to ,framingham4 ,milton1 ,october #a1 #ahdd4 ,o1 ,i did so enjoy being upon that sacred spot1 living over again1 as we can scarcely do but by the power of association1 all the details of the holy time of which that day was the anniversary6 ,i felt that it strengthened my faith and trust1 that ,i could recall there something of the gratitude which ,i felt when that weary spirit was just emancipated4 ,i had needed this2 for as the cares and responsibilities of life have pressed more and more upon me every day ,i have since lived1 their accumulated weight was beginning to keep down and obscure that brighter vision which faith then revealed4 ,i had a delightful walk alone in the woods1 recalling the sweet words which ,i had had with dear father when we strolled through those woods together4 ,how strong is the power of association6 ,i found that particular spots revived thoughts which he had uttered when there1 which perhaps ,i should never again have recalled1 elsewhere4 99 99 99 99 99 ,october #ah1 #ahdd4 444 ,i have determined1 as a fixed principle1 not to go beyond my income1 for any thing short of necessity1 and it is a delicate question to settle what necessity is4 ,i choose to take it for granted that there never can be a question in any of our minds1 that taste is to be held in subjection to principle1 and ,i am not only willing1 but desirous1 to indulge taste1 within that limitation1 to the utmost bounds of my ability4 ,i think a refined taste has an indirect1 but certain influence upon morals2 and ,i never can believe that one of my children will ever for an instant be pained at any restraint put upon them by a necessity which ,god has ordained4 ,i have great sympathy with the struggles of young people in this matter4 ,i well remember how often ,i had to school myself 7for you know that many of my associates in early life were of the wealthy classes71 when ,i saw my companions gratifying every wish for amusement1 instruction1 and dress1 while ,i could only just keep decent enough not to shock them1 and had to give up all my longings for expensive amusements and accomplishments4 ,but ,i had this great advantage1 by mixing familiarly with the rich1--,i soon discovered that neither goodness nor happiness were dependent upon these adventitious circumstances1 and ,i was so fortunate in the characters of those whom ,i thus dealt with1 as to be made to feel very early in life that my own position among them was not in the least degree affected by externals4 ,i soon began to look upon my oft-turned dress with something like pride1 certainly with great complacency2 and to see in that1 and all other marks of my mother's prudence and consistency1 only so many proofs of her dignity and self-respect1--the dignity and self-respect which grew out of her just estimate of the true and the right in herself and in the world4 ,i can distinctly remember coming to this conclusion upon the occasion of wearing an old-fashioned1 stiff1 purple silk dress1 with a narrow plaited tucker in it1 to a party at ,colonel ,p----'s1 about the year #ahjh2 ,i have never had any trouble on that score since4 ,i did shed some tears1 when ,i found ,i must give up my long-cherished hope of learning music1 some years after1 but they were 'natural tears1' and 'wiped soon4' ,but ,i have become garrulous1 talking about my youth 7as old people are apt to71 and have wandered from the case in hand4 99 99 99 99 99 ,november #h1 #ahdd4 ,i feel that ,i must have some free communication with you1 for my heart is full to overflowing4 ,that ,i can understand all your internal trials1 ,i have often assured you2 and1 strange as it may seem to you1 it is from experience that ,i am enabled to enter into them4 ,in the solitude of my early days1 the consciousness of unworthiness preyed upon my spirit1 until ,i persuaded myself that every body despised me1 that ,i was nothing to any one1 that nobody could care for me for my own sake4 ,many and many a night have ,i lain and thought of this1 and looked at life through this medium1 until ,i wished that ,i had never lived1 and in my agony have cried myself into perfect hysterics4 ,even my mother's love failed to satisfy me1 for ,i thought it was only an involuntary feeling for an only child1 not depending upon or growing out of my own deserts4 ,o1 how many precious hours of life have ,i thrown away in uselessness to others1 and in misery for myself1 by this morbid sensibility6 ,would that ,i could recall them6 ,would that my example might ward off from you like regrets6 ,i had suffered many years from this cause before ,i discovered the true source of my trial1 or caught a glimpse of its remedy4 ,and when at last it flashed upon me1 that it was the want of true ,christian humility1 not the real conviction of inferiority1 which led to all this1 ,i could not at once credit my own consciousness2 and many and severe were the mental exercises by which ,i was led at last to understand and feel the truth4 ,i believe this to have been a constitutional tendency2 and however much the demon may have been brought under subjection1 there have been times all along life1 that it has so striven for the mastery1 that ,i have feared it might conquer4 ,but knowing one's danger is more than half the security against it1 and ,i have gained in happiness more than a compensation for the warfare4 444 ,when we find ourselves disturbed in spirit1 we very naturally refer to the exciting cause as an excuse for it2 and however we may blame ourselves1 we still feel that those whose wrong-doing irritates us are really the most to blame4 ,but we must get away from this view of things1 if we ever hope to improve ourselves4 ,as long as we live in the world1 we are to live with those who do wrong4 ,we can never be perfect1 nor can we find others who are2 and our care should be1 to learn so to control ourselves1 that not only shall we cease to be tempted to do wrong by their wrong-doing1 but also cease to tempt them by our own4 ,and who can doubt that the best hope of improving them is by showing them the advantage of self-control8 99 99 99 99 99 ,december #ab1 #ahdd4 ,i feel that you have begun the great work of self-education with a resolute will and ,i pray ,god to give you strength to pursue it without faltering4 ,i do not expect1 and you must not expect1 that all can be done at a stroke4 ,a whole life is too little for the attainment of all we desire2 but having fairly set ourselves at work1 let us go on hopefully1 cheerfully1 laboring diligently1 'knowing that we shall reap1 if we faint not'2 and remembering that1 as we ascend1 the prospect widens before us4 ,and although we may be tempted to be discouraged1 as we see more and more to be done1 we are to look back upon the path we have trodden1 and measure the steps we have taken1 and find comfort and encouragement in the past1 for the future4 ,go on1 in the fear and love of ,god1 in the path which he has marked out1 the path of right principle1--and fear not1--all will be well4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #a1 #ahde4 444 ,i can scarcely realize that the year has come to an end1 so little have ,i marked the progress of time during its passage2 and yet it has witnessed a great change outwardly4 ,but how little does mere outward circumstance affect the life within1--how do we carry ourselves with us everywhere6 ,does not this fact of experience help us to anticipate something of future retribution8 ,the past year has been to me one of such constant1 tremendous struggle1 that in looking back upon it ,i seem to see nothing but the heaving of the waves upon which my spirit had been tost4 ,and yet ,i cannot lose sight of the many bright spots1 the many and great blessings with which my life has been cheered4 ,how should we praise and thank ,god that our circle has not again been broken1--that we are blessed with such kind friends1 and the means of improvement and usefulness6 ,as ,i look forward into the uncertain future1 ,i sometimes feel as if ,i longed to know how it will be with us at this hour next year2 but a glance at the possible picture makes me ready to exclaim1 ',o blindness to the future1 kindly given6' ,i feel as if some great change may come1 but ,i can leave the whole to ,him who will direct it right4444 ,how fully do ,i respond to the feeling you express of desire to see dear father once more4 ,sometimes1--,i know not how1--for an instant an oblivion of the past comes over me1 and the feeling of his temporary absence returns as of old when he had gone a journey1 as if ,i could not wait1 but must see him soon4 ,why is not our faith in the unseen sufficient to satisfy these longings8 ,why do we not realize more fully the presence of the spiritual8 ,let us remember his almost dying words3 ',body and spirit may be separated2 spirit and spirit1 never4' 99 99 99 99 99 ,june #bf1 #ahde4 444 ,no woman can be a true woman1 whatever may be her intellectual acquirements or capacity1 without that womanly knowledge which will fit her for domestic life1 and enable her to fill 'home1' that appointed sphere of most women's duties at some time or other1 with all the comforts which alone can make it happy4 ,i do not mean merely the knowledge of the daily routine of outside domestic employments2 but the cultivation of the domestic affections1 the habits of concession and self-sacrifice1 of delicate attention to the little things which go so far to make up the sum of domestic happiness1 and the mechanical facility with respect to a thousand minor matters1--all of which nothing but practice in the atmosphere which calls them into exercise can possibly teach4 ,i will not deny that ,i think a great deal1 too1 of education in 'common domestic employments1' as a means of happiness and usefulness4 ,i hold that nothing can compensate for a wilful neglect of what may be made the means of so much comfort to others1 as order1 cleanliness1 and a facility in administering to the human wants of our friends1 which is peculiarly woman's province4 ,now1 for this part of education1 home ought to be the best place4 ,of course it is impossible1 while attending school constantly1 to find time for these other matters1 and all theoretical learning upon such subjects can be of little use without practice4 ,mrs4 ,ware had found another1 new home1--a pleasant cottage built for her use by a friend after she went to ,milton1 and entered by her and her children toward the end of the year1--her last removal4 ,and highly favored did she feel1 both in the society around her and the local situation4 ,no heart could be more alive to the beauties of that glorious ,milton ,hill than was hers4 ,its rich landscape1 its gorgeous sunsets1 and ever-varying hues1 she enjoyed intensely1 for their natural beauty1 and not less1 if not more1 for their moral influence4 ,the thought of her enthusiasm comes over us even now with subduing power1 as we stand again at her side on those beautiful heights1 to which she longed to lead all her friends1 and see the emotion1 if we hear not the utterance1 of her glowing1 admiring spirit4 ,we catch again the earnest words with which she urged a visit there1 even in the freshness of her widowed grief4 ,o this glorious view6 ,i do hope the weather will be good1 that you may see it in all its glory4 ,i had no conception of the moral influence of the sublime and beautiful before4 ,i really think one must be very wicked to be troubled about little things1 within sight of such a display of the ,divine love2 even children feel it4 ,the time had come when she might be pardoned1 had she been troubled1 not indeed by little things1 but by some of serious import4 ,a hidden1 insidious disease1 which seldom leaves its nature long doubtful1 had begun its work1 and the quickened spirit caught the first whisper of monition4 ,even two years before1 she had a sort of presentiment1 if not a distinct warning1 of her fate1 and in a pleasant way signified it to her husband1 who answered as pleasantly1 and probably thought no more of it4 ,how much she thought of it we cannot know4 ,but as early as the summer of #ahde she prepared her mind for a painful operation2 and1 when relieved of the immediate necessity1 wrote thus to a friend3 ,you may imagine the depth of my gratitude2 for ,i could not doubt that an operation1 even if successful1 would disable me for a long time2 and ,i could not look upon the fact of being taken off from my duties1 without much anxiety as to how my place was to be supplied4 ,still ,i have a strong conviction that ultimately this is to end my days4 ,but ,i am not troubled at the thought1 otherwise than that it is a mode of decay distressing to others4 ,but ,god's will be done6 ,mary ,ware was not only to suffer1 but to do ,god's will1 to the end4 ,and for four years longer we may follow her1 and see her so busy and so cheerful1 that we might think her unaware of danger1--except that we cannot fail to perceive in her letters how clear was her consciousness of all that was impending4 ,but very few knew it4 ,the work of life went on as usual4 ,her small school in the house occupied much of her time1 and interested rather than satisfied her4 ,she does not appear to have ever felt that she accomplished much in the way of teaching4 ,she entered upon the task distrustingly4 ,i begin my little school to-morrow1 and ,i doubt if any girl of sixteen1 making her first essay at school-keeping1 ever felt more dread of the thing4 ,i am ashamed and almost amused at my own cowardice4 ,the difficulty is1 ,i have a great idea about a small thing1 and cannot feel fully that it is 'little by little the bird builds his nest4' ,there may have been another difficulty1--that children so young exercised only her patience1 and could not call into action the higher powers1 nor make her forget herself as she always wished to do4 ,but there was another and absorbing work of mental and moral training in which she was constantly engaged1--that of her older children1 for whom1 by communion or correspondence1 she was striving to do all that was possible in the time that remained to her4 ,about this time ,mrs4 ,ware received from a friend1 who knew her whole condition1 the offer of a home for either of her children that she would be willing to spare1 and for any period4 ,she felt deeply the kindness of the offer1 as will be seen in her reply to it1--where we also see her views of the wisdom of separating children1 and giving them unequal advantages4 ,milton1 ,december #ah1 #ahdd4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,as ,i read over again your precious letter1 ,i wonder if there is any pardon for one who could have delayed so long to answer it4 ,there could not be1 were it possible that such delay proceeded from indifference1 or want of just appreciation of the feelings which dictated the letter4 ,to neither of these charges can ,i plead guilty2 and can only say in my excuse1 that ,i have not had1 since it was found safely rolled up in a bale of carpeting1 the command of one hour of daylight1 and that my eyes have been so troublesome that ,i could not use them at the only time when my mind was free to write4 ,thus have ,i been compelled to put it off2 until now1 on the eve of leaving home1 ,i dare not put it off any longer1 and am compelled to take the hour of midnight to tell you1 as ,i may be able1 almost without eyes1 how deeply grateful ,i am for it4 ,you have indeed shown yourself the true friend by your benevolent proposition2 what more could a friend do for another8 ,but delightful as is the thought that any of my children could have such a home in the heart of one ,i so truly love1 ,i dare not lift a finger1 or say a word1 which would decide such a question4 ,i feel my own short-sightedness so much1 ,i believe so fully in the circumstantial leading of ,providence1 that ,i could not venture to anticipate the future expediency of any arrangement1 the advantages of which must depend upon a fitness of things when the time comes1 of which we now cannot know any thing4 ,how little we can tell what a child may be at any future period1--what its tastes1 or its adaptedness to any particular position in life1--and how great may be the embarrassment which might arise from any arrangement made in anticipation of results which are never to be reached6 ,i have always had a strong objection to giving one member of a family any great external advantages over the rest4 ,i had rather all should stand upon the same level1 as a better security for the cultivation of that family affection and sympathy which ,i believe to be a valuable preservative of virtue4 ,i should much prefer that all my children should live together1 if it were possible to find any one to act as a judicious head to such a community1 than risk the growth of separate interests and a feeling of superiority from any outward cause4 ,this1 you will say1 is impracticable1 as1 in the common course of events1 one is likely to gain for himself a better position than another2 but when a strong family affection is established by early dependence1 ,i have no fear for after influences1--,i am willing to risk them4 ,yet this is only an idea1 and ,i have no hope of its accomplishment2 both the means and the person would be wanting1 were ,i taken from them now1 and ,i should leave them to their fate with the delightful confidence that there are many instruments in ,god's hands ready to do for them what may be best4 ,bless you1 for the satisfaction of knowing that it is in your heart to be one of them4 ,i have much anxiety about my children1 not from any peculiar difficulty in their original characters1 but from my deep sense of incapacity to guide any child in its progress through life4444 ,i want ,faith1 ,i want ,hope1--,o1 ,i want a great deal which ,i ought to have gained1 by this time1 to make life bearable4 ,and yet1 when ,i think of the possibility of being soon taken1 ,i can hardly say1 ',i am ready4' ,pray for me that it may be otherwise when the time comes4 ,ever yours1 most truly4 ,,mary ,l4 ,,ware4 ,as the months advanced1 ,mrs4 ,ware was more and more occupied and active1 evidently feeling that her time was short4 ,and yet we see none of that anxiety about the future which such a conviction is apt to create1 in reference either to the present world or another4 ,as regarded another world1 and her approach to it1 we doubt if she ever felt the slightest dread or unwillingness to go4 ,not from any sense of fitness or self-sufficiency1 but with the deepest humility there mingled the firmest trust2 and a trust that refused to separate the exercise of justice from mercy1 in ,god4 ,she could trust the one as much as the other1 and she could not distrust either2 but1 assured that a perfectly righteous and omniscient ,being would do exactly that which was needful for her purification and perfection1 she rested there1--and left all else4 ,we say this of the peculiarity of her faith1 if it be peculiar1 from personal knowledge of her mind on this point1 and from her own explicit declarations at a later day4 ,and we refer to them at this time1 to say that the same convictions sustained and tranquillized her in regard to the future of this life for those whom she was to leave behind4 ,from the earliest moment of the expectation or apprehension of death1 a mother's mind must turn strongly and fix intently on her children4 ,and to most mothers this is the great struggle4 ,who can wonder8 ,who will reprove1 even if the struggle be bitter1 and the vision dim8 ,,he will not1 who has given a parent's affections1 and likened to them his own4 ,many a mother1 who could leave the world without a pang for herself1 will suffer and fear for her children4 ,it is only the highest faith that prevents all this suffering and fear4 ,such1 we think1 was ,mary ,ware's4 ,not in commendation do we say it1--we know not that it deserves that1--but as the simple fact1 that while she was always doubtful of her power to guard and train her children in the best way1 she never feared to leave them with ,god1 in reference either to things temporal or spiritual4 ,even when she could see no sufficient provision for their temporal comfort1 she seemed unable to believe that she was essential to that comfort1 or that her life would be better for them than her death4 ,she knew that that would be best which ,god appointed4 ,does not this belong to the highest faith8 ,no one could induce her to make any request1 or express even a wish1 as to future arrangements1 the outward condition or fortune of any child4 ,many wishes1 many prayers1 did she offer for the inward condition and the spiritual preparation for both worlds1--but only the spiritual4 ,i could write a sheet1 she says to a mother who was herself anxious1--,i could write a sheet upon the text your letter gives me1 with regard to the preparation of our children for life4 ,but ,i can only say1 ,why should we feel anxious for them when we are gone8 ,do we not see that the finest characters are those which are formed by the necessity of acting for themselves8 ,and again3 ,i have felt so grateful for having had health and strength to do for ,henry what ,i was sure no one else could do1 that ,i had nothing more to ask1 and could submit to any thing4 ,i hope ,i shall not find my faith fail1 come what will4 ,i do not feel that ,i am as essential to my children4 ,i do not feel that ,i am competent to train them4 ,if we have given of late none of ,mrs4 ,ware's annuals1 it has only been from the abundance of other material4 ,they were continued without a single failure to the end of life4 ,from two of them at this period1 we take such parts as will help to show the state and progress of her mind4 ,milton1 ,december #ca1 #ahde4 ,,my ,,dear ,n----3 ,twenty years ago at this hour1 ,i was writing my annual upon a pair of bellows1 crouching over a small coal fire1 in poor old ,aunty's chamber at ,osmotherly4 ,what changes1 what a variety of weal and woe1 does a glance at the intervening space present to one's mind6 ,it is all too familiar to you to make a recapitulation necessary1 and you can understand1 without any explanation1 the wide difference between the nature of the loneliness ,i then felt1 and that which ,i now experience4 ,have ,i not gained that which can never be lost1 a bond of union with an immortal spirit which can never be broken8 ,o that ,i could realize more the perpetuity of this spiritual union6 then should ,i suffer less from this merely earthly isolation4 ,but ,i have gained a little since last year1 dear ,n----2 either ,i have become more wonted by time to my condition1 or the increasing care and anxiety about my children have taken my thoughts away from myself2 be it what it may1 ,i am more able to turn my mind from that one idea of change1 and have acquired a more tranquil state of mind1 under the consciousness of it4 ,so far1 so good2 but ,god knows there is still enough of sin in me1 to keep me from that state of quiet trust which1 as a believer in ,providence1 ,i ought to have4 ,i cannot get away from the terrible sense of insufficiency for the great work which lies before me in the education of my children1 and ,i cannot learn to rely1 as ,i should1 upon the ,all-sufficient1 for the supply of that deficiency4 ,it is a living1 acting ,faith that ,i want2 how shall ,i get it8444 ,it is long since ,i have written to you1 but ,i have little of variety to detail4 ,i spent a fortnight in ,november1 and another in ,december1 in ,boston1 helping ,dr4 ,john in the completion of his work1 and since my return1 three weeks ago1 ,i have been very fully employed as nurse and maid of all work2 for ,i found ,c----1 ,w----1 ,h----1 and my ,margaret1 all sick4 ,e---- too has not been well4 ,help is not to be got here extempore1 and1 with the exception of two nights from a nurse1 ,i had no aid1 until within a few days ,i have had a little girl of thirteen4 ,you know something about such concatenations1 and need not be told1 that under such circumstances one finds no time for anything but supplying the bodily wants of those about us4 ,add to this1 that ,i have been more than half sick myself all the time with one of my tedious coughs1 keeping me awake at night and tiring me terribly in the day4 ,only think of ,emma's trip to ,england1--and1 good soul1 that she should go and see ',cousin ,jane' for me1 and ,george ,lovell1 too6 ,does she not always do more than any one else8 ,your faithful ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 99 99 99 99 99 ,milton1 ,december #ca1 #ahdf4 ,thirty years1 is it not1 dear ,n----1 since ,i began to make you my mother-confessor upon this anniversary8 ,a long life1 as some people would have used it2 a long life it seems to me1 as ,i look back to that first hour of consciousness that there was one being in the world to whom ,i could be as egotistical as ,i pleased1 with impunity4 ,a long life it has truly been to me1 not so much in its usefulness or improvement1 as in the variety of its experiences1 internal as well as external4 ,in fact1 it seems like many lives2 and as ,i survey different portions of it in retrospect1 ,i can scarcely believe in my own identity with the being who appears upon the stage in each4 ,how has it been with you8 ,i am anxious to know whether others are as sensible as ,i am of a change of character from the influence of circumstances4 ,we are wont to say1 and ,i think ,i have seen strong proof of the truth of the assertion1--that 'the child is father to the man4' ,in truth1 he is the future man1 in all the leading traits of his character1 as well at five as at fifty years of age2 and yet ,i do feel as if ,i were not the same being that ,i was three years ago4 ,whether it is that ,i am growing old and losing my faculties1 or whether the responsibilities of life have paralyzed my mind1 or that the loss of that refreshment to the spirit which comes from the reciprocation of an affection for which there is no substitute1 has exhausted my strength by depriving me of my spirit's resting-place1 ,i know not4 ,but certain it is1 that from being a person of some decision of character1 some energy1 some judgment1 ,i feel as if ,i were reduced to a mere child1 ready to lean upon any body's judgment but my own1 heartsick and homesick at the sense of incapacity to meet my duties4 ,is this want of actual power1 or want of faith to use the power that is left8 ,i don't know4 ,all ,i know certainly is this3 that ,i find myself utterly inadequate to the duties which belong to me1 and am in consequence in a perpetual state of anxiety1 which incapacitates me from doing or enjoying4 ,this is a new strain1 you will say2 for me1 truly it is a new state of mind1 and whether remediable or not1 ,i cannot tell2 can you tell me8444 444 ,how strangely various seem to be the means appointed to bring about the same end in life2 and it is not easy to see how our various lots can all be brought to bear the same fruit of holiness and happiness4 ,the greatest evil to me in life is the perpetual hurry1 hurry1 to get through the business of the day without leaving any necessary duty undone1--without a moment for quiet thought or intellectual improvement1--while here is my neighbor1 it may be1 at a loss how to fill up the vacant hours1 thankful to resort to sleep to dispose of some of them4 ,does it seem as if we were both destined to the same end8 ,the more ,i look upon life1 the more ,i feel that the outside has less to do with improvement or happiness4 ,and dissatisfied as ,i sometimes feel with my own position1 ,i know not how ,i should improve it1 on the whole4 ,when ,i look calmly at my deficiencies1 ,i see that they are not so much the effect of any outside cause1 as the weakness of my own character4 ,and if at times this brings a feeling akin to despair1 it makes me less restless than ,i should otherwise be4 ,dear ,n----1 ,i have a strong feeling that this is to be a year of change to me2 not from any present indications1 but that it seems presumptuous to expect that the trial which ,i believe hangs over me should be long averted4 ,pray for me1 that ,i may be prepared for it4 ,i fear ,i shall never be any better4 ,and so ,i begin the year1 not wishing to look to its end1 but with more indifference as to what that end may be to me1 than ,i ever felt before4 ,i fear this is not a right feeling4444 ,yours always4 ,m4 ,l4 ,w4 ,from the many letters of sympathy which ,mrs4 ,ware wrote1 we have drawn little4 ,they were sure to be many1 from her position1 her large circle of intimate friends1 the unreserved confidence reposed in her1 and her warm affections4 ,how warm and tender those affections were1 how prompt to go out to those who suffered1 and how sure to do something to soothe and cheer1 many of us could tell4 ,or rather1 it is not to be told4 ,but the want of it is felt4 ,there are those of that family and acquaintance1 who will never weep1 without the remembrance of her ready and wise sympathy4 ,the power of sympathy is not given to all4 ,the feeling may be in all1 but not the faculty of so expressing and adapting it as to make it truly sympathy4 ,it requires one to be acquainted with grief4 ,it requires a quick discernment and deep insight of character4 ,that which is sympathy to one may not reach1 or may offend1 another4 ,mrs4 ,ware understood this so well1 that she always accepted1 for herself1 most gratefully1 all attempts at condolence1 and at the same time adapted her own to the character and case of the sufferer4 ,in my intercourse with her1 says one1 ,i felt the difference between feeling for and feeling with another4 ,there is nothing belittling or weakening in such sympathy4 ,it appeals to the highest1 and not1 as is often done1 to lower motives and affections in the mourner4 ,it does not condole merely1 but rejoices with him4 ,to a friend in sorrow she writes3 ,my confidence makes me rather rejoice for you1 than grieve1 that you should be called to such suffering4 ,there is so much of sublimity in these great trials of faith1 that one feels raised by them to a nearer approach to the ,infinite1 to a clearer vision of the realities of the spiritual world1 a nearness1 almost oneness1 with the ,father of spirits4 ,who would desire to avert any thing that will do this for us8 ,there is1 too1 a self-respect and decision1 with which even her humility clothes itself4 ,your case is much upon my mind1 and ,i cannot help wishing there were some mental daguerreotype1 or magnetic communication1 by which ,i could transfer to your mind1 without the intervention of words1 all that is passing in mine concerning you4 ',vain mortal6' whispers ,humility1 'what could you show her worth her seeing8' ,i was not thinking of the worth1 but of the sympathy and love4 ,i know that is worth something even from poor me4 ,you say1 ',why do you not talk8' ,i have no habit of talking about the internal1 and ,i have so little love of discussing the external1 that ,i have no free use of language in any way2 and it always seems to me1 when ,i make the attempt to utter what my mind is full of1 as if my thoughts all came wrong end foremost2 and the idea of taking up a person's time to listen to me seems so foolish1 that it embarrasses me by making me feel in a hurry to get through for their sakes4 ,but if she could not or did not talk much1 in the way of solace1 she wrote freely2 and her letters1 though not original or remarkable1 are drawn from the depths of experience and faith4 ,we offer none entire1 but only the parts that indicate her manner of urging upon others the great truths and principles on which she herself relied4 ,the extracts that follow are not all of one character1 but such as were called forth by different experiences near the same time1--all showing the serious cast of her own thoughts1 and her deepening interest in others' moral condition4 ,the first was written to her son in the ministry4 99 99 99 99 99 ,february #i1 #ahdf4 ,dear ,john3 ,oh6 you are but just beginning to know what life truly is in its solemn discipline4 ,the great book of religious experience is now but opening to you2 and1 believe me1 you will find in it treasures of happiness of which the heart of man cannot conceive without such experience4 ,you say you feel something of 'fear' coming over you4 ,i will not say1 put away all apprehension2 uncertainty does hang over you1 but let it not produce fear4 ,i would advocate a courageous contemplation of possibilities1 for in this way1 ,i believe1 the benefits of all trial may be made greater4 ,but let it be with a quiet trust and hopefulness1 such as we as ,christians have a right to feel2 let it be with a steady faith1 that whatever ,god permits has a beneficent end and object1 kindly to aid us in the great work for which we were placed in this world of trial1--the preparation of our souls for that spiritual life which may be lived even while we are still in this world4 ,does not our ,father love us with a perfect love8 ,does he not know better than we can what is best for us8 ,has he not power to fulfil all his designs of good for us1--and shall we not1 if with childlike faith in that love and power we surrender our will to his1 find a peace which cannot be moved8 ,i was once most forcibly checked in some fruitless attempt to obtain peace under great difficulties1 upon false principles1 by happening upon these verses of ,watts 7,i believe73-- ',is resignation's lesson hard8 ,on trial we shall find ,it makes us give up nothing more ,than anguish of the mind4 ,believe1 and all the ills of life ,that moment we resign1' c4 ,and ,i never find myself trying to argue myself into acquiescence to any dispensation by reasons other than those implied in these lines1 that they do not rise to my memory as a rebuke4 ,but still the struggle1--,o1 that struggle is great1 and we must not be discouraged that we find it so2 that is part of the discipline4 ,strength comes by effort2 and only think what precious teaching this is for your work4 ,all who have read the beautiful ,memoir of ,robert ,swain will feel the greater interest in the following1 written from his favorite island-home1 to a son in ,england1 about the age of ,robert1 when he died4 ,naushon1 ,september #ac1 #ahdf4 ,i am glad1 dear ,william1 to write to you from this place1 not only because ,i am happy in being here1 but because it must remind you of him with whose memory this place is so strongly associated1 that one cannot hear its name without having his beautiful character brought up before the mind4 ,i have thought much of you since ,i have been here1 in tracing ,robert's life by the memorials which are everywhere around me1 in hearing his parents talk of the formation of his character1 in reading the record of his death1 and contemplating at his grave his present life4 ,o1 ,i have felt1 dear ,william1 that to have such a child was the highest happiness this world could give2 and however great must have been the pain of parting1 and dreary the void which his absence made in the earthly pilgrimage of his parents1 it was all more than compensated1 by the satisfaction of having begun here such a relation to so pure a spirit1 which can never cease while the soul lives4 ,and how earnestly ,i have prayed1 that my child1 too1 might so understand the true object of existence1 as to make his spiritual progress the first aim under all circumstances6 ,we see in ,robert's case how beautifully he was training himself for heaven1 while he lived the simple life of an active boy1 following all the common pursuits which belonged to his age1 but doing all with a conscientious reference to the law of right4 ,with the most devoted love towards his parents and friends1 he loved his ,god above all1 and sought first of all to obey ,him4 ,his grave is in one of the sweetest spots on the island1 in a little opening surrounded by trees which he had named his 'mother's parlor'2 and upon a seat which he had made there for her ,i have spent some holy moments1 with which the thought of you was tenderly mingled4 ,dear son1 may ,i have the same satisfaction in your life1 which these parents have in that of their son6 and should ,god in his providence call you also thus early to himself1 may ,i have reason to believe1 as they do1 that for you the work of life was accomplished6444 ,i trust you will come home ready to begin the work of life in earnest4 ,when you look forward and consider that you must depend on your own efforts for subsistence1 that you have a gift of mind for the use of which you are accountable to your ,maker1 and that the person with one talent is equally responsible with him who has ten1 you will see that nothing short of physical inability can excuse you from beginning at once the work of self-education4 ,all that can be done for you is nothing1 all the advantages with which you may be surrounded are as nothing1 if you do not set yourself to a conscientious improvement of all4 ,i care little what path you follow as to external life1 if you only follow it upon the basis of right principle1 which shall produce in you a manly1 disinterested regard to the accomplishment of all the good you may have it in your power to perform4 ,a letter from ,england informed ,mrs4 ,ware of the death of an excellent kinswoman1 who may be remembered as ,cousin ,bessie1 the wife of ,george ,lovell4 ,and she wrote of it to ,emma1 then in ,new ,york1 who had been her fellow-traveller in ,england1 and whose own health was gently but surely declining4 ,greenhill ,cottage1 ,december #ah1 #ahdf4 444 ,dear ,bessie's pure spirit passed away in peace1 the #bb;d of ,november4 ,her mind remained perfectly clear to the last moment1 calm and cheerful4 ,hers was a sweet spirit1 and ,i love to remember the intimate intercourse ,i had with it in times past1 for there was more in her soul than appeared to the casual observer4 ,her departure has added one more attraction to that spiritual state in which ,i hope to renew the interchange of kind affection and holy thought4 ,how beautifully is it arranged for us1 that1 as we approach nearer and nearer to the exchange of worlds ourselves1 our interest in that to which we are going should be so increased by the removal of so many loved ones before us4 ,it can be no new thought to you1 that all sickness must be of uncertain result1 and you understand too well the object of all the discipline of life1 to shrink from any form of it which ,providence may appoint4 ,to you and me1 strength and power seem so much our birthright1 that we hardly know how to understand ourselves when they fail2 but it certainly is not difficult to see why we peculiarly need the gentle monitions which sickness brings to us4 ,it would seem as if some of the capacities for the enjoyment of the purely spiritual could not be formed in us without them2 we should be too self-dependent1 too confident in our own strength1 to learn how to be the meek and lowly disciples1 to whom are promised the fruits of faith and trust4 ,i am sure that the sense ,i now have of liability to the development of fatal disease at any time1 is the source of some of the most exalted moments of my present existence4 ,so far from its lessening our enjoyment of all that we ought to enjoy belonging to life1 it gives a keener sense of it1 inasmuch as it puts in their true position all the trifles which are so apt to mar our comfort under common circumstances4 ,i cannot but believe that you will derive great relief from this experiment2 and if it does not reach all the difficulty1 it certainly will do this good1--that1 by removing some of the causes of irritation and consequent exhaustion1 it leaves you more strength to contend with what may remain of disease1--and1 after all1 that is the main thing4 444 ,i have had a very kind note from ,miss ,sedgwick1 inclosing a letter from ,madame ,sismondi after reading ,henry's ,life4 ,it was a most gratifying testimony to the influence of the truth upon a mind which had been educated to undervalue every thing proceeding from our form of faith4 ,the younger son1 to whom ,mrs4 ,ware had written from ,naushon1 had now returned from ,england1 where he had been for his health1 and was placed at school in ,exeter1 in the well-known ,phillips ,academy4 ,from his mother's letters to him while there1 we should be glad to borrow largely1 but must abridge4 ,the number and fulness of these letters1 when we remember the state of her health1 the care of her family1 and all else that she was doing1 would surprise us1 if we had not seen the same1 virtually1 in every period and position of her life4 ,the letters themselves are written without effort or ornament1 and contain much that would be called common-place1 because they aim only at those simplest truths and counsels which lie at the root of moral character4 ,during the time of writing the extracts that follow1 ,mrs4 ,ware went herself to ,exeter1 alone and at the shortest notice1--finding that some questions in regard to the course of study to be pursued by her son could be best determined by her actual presence4 ,it was one of her last journeys1 and1 being in mid-winter1 must have required resolution1 if it did not cost suffering4 ,january #a1 #ahdg4 ,the clock has just struck one1 so ,i may fairly date #ahdg4 ,and with the recollections of the old year which has just passed away1 and the anticipations of that upon which we are entering1 come many thoughts of you1--affecting thoughts1 for ,i remember my own experience at your age1 and ,i feel that this year must be to you one of the most important of your whole existence1 in its influence on your character and happiness1 both for this life and for that long future which can be measured only by one word1--,eternity4 ,it must bring to you many trials1 both of feeling and principle2 it must bring to you many deep spiritual exercises1 and anxious thoughts with regard to your religious progress4 ,you have come to that period of life at which one cannot escape from a deep sense of responsibility for the formation of one's own character2 when1 with every power and faculty in a peculiarly excitable state1 every nerve vibrates to the slightest touch of joy or sorrow1 and one feels perpetually in danger of being led by feeling rather than by judgment4 ,it is a period of intense enjoyment1 and for the same reason may be one of intense suffering2 and while it must depend much upon circumstances which shall predominate1 ,i believe it depends still more upon our own self-discipline1 in enabling us both to avoid many occasions of suffering1 and to meet with a calm spirit those which are unavoidable4 ,you are in a new position of independent action2 and while1 with the deep sympathy which is the result of experience1 ,i can suffer and enjoy with you1 in anticipation1 ,i feel the satisfaction of a quiet trust that 'all will issue well4' ,i believe that you mean to govern yourself by the highest principle1 and in that faith ,i can leave you to the guidance of your own conscience2 hoping that you will never forget1 that principle1 to do its perfect work1 must be applied to small things as well as great2 that then only is it true principle when it regulates even the tone of the voice1 as well as the most heroic action4 ,your mother's prayers are for you1 at this solemn turning-point of life1 that1 when this anniversary next arrives1 it may find you1 whether in the body or not1 able to look back with satisfaction upon the past1 conscious that a true progress has been made towards that perfection of the soul for which it was created4444 ,you will say1 you have much to struggle with in your own character1 and that nothing can satisfy you while you have to contend with self so continually4 ,but your greatest temptation is to dwell too much upon your internal trials1 leading you almost insensibly to that most insidious and deceptive form of self-love1 a too constant thought of self even in regard to one's faults4 ,you will find your intellectual occupation a great help in preventing this4 ,do not think too much about your own deficiencies1 be content to live along in the constant thought for others' good1 and you will find that you have done more for yourself by your disinterested action1 than you could have done by all the thought you would have given to the subject in twice the time4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #bd4 444 ,cultivate in yourself a religious spirit2 read ,god's word to learn what he would have you do2 pray to ,him for power to do it1--and you will succeed4 ,here lies the only sure foundation4 ,religious principle is the rock upon which alone you can build any superstructure2 all other will be like the sand on the sea-shore1--the next tide of temptation will sweep it away4 ,and do not think that it will interfere with any of the pleasures of youth1 or restrain the spirit of mirth which belongs to your age4 ,so far from it1 it will promote all enjoyment2 for when we engage in that which we have decided by the standard of principle to be right1 we go forth with a free spirit1 to enjoy to the utmost1--without any of that under-current of misgiving which is a perpetual check upon us when we are engaged in a matter of doubtful expediency4 ,experience must have already taught you this in some things1 and1 believe me1 it is equally true in all4 ,you will have many temptations in your little world1 composed1 as well as the great world1 of various characters4 ,but if you once establish it with yourself to pursue only the right1 and to have a strong moral courage to say ',no' to any measure of even doubtful character1 you will find that you not only gain peace of mind1 but win the respect even of those who may at first laugh at you4 ,never fear for the result1 if you only do right4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #bf1 #ahdg4 ,well1 it was an event for me to go to ,exeter4 ,all my associations with the place are of the most interesting kind4 ,all the romance of my youth was connected with it2 my first knowledge of your father was during his residence there1 through the medium of the admiration of that brilliant circle of young ladies1 in whose society he found poetical inspiration4 ,it was the home and the death-place of the first specimen of the highly intellectual and spiritual form of humanity that ,i had ever known intimately1 in the person of your father's dear friend1 ,john ,e4 ,abbot2 and the very name of ,exeter was sacred to me1 from its connection with the daily details of his last sickness1 which ,i received from ,mrs4 ,p----1 then residing in her ,aunt ,abbot's family4 ,i had been there1 however1 only once1 twenty years ago with your father1 when together we visited ,john ,abbot's grave1 and gave ourselves up to the emotions connected with his memory4 ,you may believe that it was with no common feelings that ,i went alone1 upon such an errand1 to that spot4 ,the sense of my sole responsibility in the care of my children presses upon me at all times2 but it bore with peculiar power at that time and at that place1 reminded1 as ,i could not but be1 how little qualified ,i was to decide the question1 in comparison with a father's knowledge and experience4 99 99 99 99 99 ,february #b4 444 ,this has been an intensely interesting day to me4 ,what a thing is this gift of life1--this strange1 first union of the spiritual and the material6 ,how closely such an event brings one near to the great ,origin of all1 and in what an interesting1 affecting relation6 ,the tender ,father1 watching over1 protecting1 sustaining1 a feeble1 mortal child in the greatest work of creation1 the introduction of a new heir of immortality to the path which is to lead it to receive its inheritance6 99 99 99 99 99 ,march #c4 444 ,do not for a moment lose sight of your dear father's example4 ,he was what he was1 not by the bestowment of great natural powers1 but by the religious industry with which he used his powers1 the high standard of moral and religious character at which he aimed1 the disinterested devotion with which he labored for others' good4 ,he cultivated his conscience1 and by its light he cultivated his intellect2 marking out for himself that path in life in which he felt himself most likely to be useful4 ,and this was the secret of his great success4 ,he was willing to do any thing he could2 and he regulated that 'could' by the most unwearied industry4 ,what cannot one do1 with such a lever8 ,we have not thought it necessary to speak of ,mrs4 ,ware's peculiar interest in the public ministrations of religion4 ,such an interest1 in a woman even of practical good-sense1 is a matter of course4 ,she could not1 in any possible circumstances1 think lightly of public worship1 for others or for herself4 ,nor was she dependent upon the form and medium of worship2 since1 whatever her choice or taste1 she thought more of the spirit than of the letter or manner4 ,either from hearing her quote the couplet1 or from a knowledge of her feelings1 we often think of her in connection with the quaint lines of old ,herbert3-- ,the worst speak something good2 should all want sense1 ,god takes the text1 and preaches--patience4 ,patient she was1 even interested1 in all preaching that evidently came from the heart1 however homely1 and in all preachers who were sincerely engaged in their ,master's cause4 ,but for the lukewarm and the selfish1 for those who preached not ,christ1 but themselves1 and offered stones rather than bread to the hungry soul1 she found it difficult to maintain her respect1 or refrain from expressing a very different sentiment4 ,her indignation at some kinds of preaching1 and the abuse of sacred time1 was as strong and almost as terrible as that which we sometimes heard from even the gentle spirit of her husband4 ,it was to him that she once wrote3 ,mr4 ---- gave us a philosophical disquisition on the nature and properties of mind and matter1 containing 7,i suppose7 a conclusive argument against ,materialism1 abounding in technical phrases and abstruse quotations1--which1 to a certainty1 not one in fifty of his audience could understand4 ,what food for sinful1 accountable1 half-asleep souls6 ,if an inhabitant of the insane hospital had called such a production a sermon1 he might be excused the misnomer4 ,but in a minister of ,christ to an erring world1 it is nothing short of profanation4 ,she loved simplicity of manner1 as well as matter4 ,she loved a fervid1 but quiet utterance4 ,of one of the popular preachers she says3 ,such grand and momentous views as he brings together do not seem to me--it is a matter of taste1 ,i suppose--to need the factitious aid of such a declamatory style of writing or studied mode of delivery4 ,i want to strip them of all this1 and cannot help thinking1 that in their simple1 naked sublimity they would be quite as effective1--to many minds more so4 ,as life advanced1 ,mrs4 ,ware felt more and more the value of religious connections2 and both in ,framingham and ,milton she found great satisfaction4 ,such a hearer and parishioner gives more than she receives4 ,would that all knew how inestimable is the blessing to a minister6 ,we cannot withhold the testimony of one pastor to her character in this single relation3--,none could be more candid1 more kind1 more sympathizing1 or more appreciating4 ,her seat at church scarcely ever vacant1 her interest warmly expressed by word and deed in every event and place connected with our spiritual growth and prosperity2 reverent1 and almost punctiliously faithful in her attachment to the church1 its forms and its order were cherished with a true-hearted veneration and love1--while none could have exceeded her in the spirituality of her religious views1 or have risen more entirely above a mere formalism4444 ,on those occasions1 too1 of trial1 which will at times arise in a minister's service1 when he may be called to speak or act with boldness1 or adventure upon untried experiments1 she was ever prompt and hearty in expressions of encouragement4 ,instances of this nature occur to me1 where she would stop at my house on her return from church1 and leave the benediction of a kind word of sympathy and god-speed1 uttered with all the emotion of her sympathetic nature1 to assure me that one heart at least was in unison with my own4 ,of the church in the house we dare not speak1--except to say1 that she who was for so long a time its only head did not believe that all religious service must wait for a priest1 nor even for a man4 ,never will the sweetness of that voice1 in devotion1 ,scripture1 or hymn1 die away from the heart4 ,never will those cherished words1 ,to prayer1 to prayer6 for the morning breaks1--be so moving and uplifting1 as in that dwelling1 where the thought of death1 just past or just approaching1 served but to quicken the spirit of ,devotion4 ,at the period now reached1 #ahdg1 the letters of ,mrs4 ,ware continued to be nearly as many as formerly1 and quite as cheerful4 ,there is a large class of letters that have been scarcely represented in this sketch2 those which are filled with details of domestic life1 personal and private incidents1 and playful communications4 ,no absent child was left in ignorance of that which occurred at home4 ,nothing that could interest1 edify1 or amuse was thought too trivial to be recorded1 if it would tend to strengthen the bonds of family affection4 ,i believe the love of home to be the best safeguard to man and woman for life1--she once said2 and she used every opportunity of cherishing that love1 in the hearts both of the present and the absent4 ,she had no habit of reservation or concealment with those about her1 unless in regard to her own pains and trials4 ,and as those pains and trials increased1 we find no decline of general interest or free communion4 ,more and more freely1 rather than less1 does she speak of herself1 her expectations as to this life and another1 her concern for her own strength and resources1 and the character and prospects of her children4 ,the following letter to her son was written some time in the summer of this year4 ,milton1 #ahdg4 ,,my ,,dear ,,john3-- 444 ,i am not now as able to keep school as ,i was then1 poorly fitted though ,i always felt myself4 ,my head has been a very troublesome member for a long time1 and ,i have had in the course of the last year and a half two distinct attacks1 which1 if not actually paralytic1 were sufficiently like it to be considered premonitory symptoms of that affection1--amounting to loss of sensation1 and giddiness1 followed by a great oppression in the brain1 for a long time after4 ,since this ,i have found that ,i soon get overpowered and bewildered in the bustle of the school1 and1 after a few days' trial1 it is only by going at once to sleep1 that ,i can get my head clear for the rest of the day4 ,besides that1 the sense of hurry which ,i have from the daily pressure of the necessity of adhering to certain hours1 in order to get through the necessary business of the day1 keeps my head in a state of tension which ,i often feel must end in some sudden change4 ,i work almost constantly eighteen hours out of the twenty-four2 but this ,i could bear1 were it not for the sense of hurry ,i have1 in my anxiety to spare ,e---- every thing that ,i possibly can1 while she has the labor of the school4 ,nor is this all4 ,i am sensible that the trouble in my side does not diminish or stand still2 its progress is slow1 but evidently sure2 and though there are often weeks1 in which ,i am not reminded of it by any sensation1 there are times when it produces great discomfort4 ,i know from the nature of the case1 that this may be so many years1 and also1 that at any moment it may suddenly come to a crisis1 as in many cases ,i have known4 ,and ,i feel that with the bare possibility 7and it is much more7 of having but a few years more to give to my children1 ,i should be wrong to spend these few years in such a hurried life1 that ,i cannot have time to give them an unfettered hour4 ,this is the case now2 whether from want of faculty1 or an undue anxiety to spare others1 or the necessity of the case1 ,i cannot say4 ,all ,i know is1 that1 of the eighteen hours in which ,i am awake1 ,i have not one1 commonly1 free from the pressure of some necessary1 imperative occupation4 ,i may almost say1 ,i never choose my employment2 and as you find it1 so do ,i with regard to my children at home1--,i cannot give any of them a hundredth part of the time ,i would gladly devote to them4444 ,you wonder that ,i cannot be more with you4 ,you would not wonder1 if you could see how little ,i have time to do with my children at home4 ,this ought not to be so4 ,but then comes the question1 how am ,i to live1 how educate my children1 and pay my debts1 if ,i give up so much of my income8 ,i answer myself in this way1 and ,i feel satisfied with the answer4 ,if ,i am not to live1 what now supports me will help towards this end2 and if ,i do live1 ,i feel justified in creating a debt for my children to pay by and by1 when they are old enough to work1 in order to give them the means of working to advantage4 ,i trust they will all find a mission to fulfil1 which will keep them free from dependence1 and do good to their fellow-men4 ,i will trust that ,i shall be taken care of2 for ,i think the case of duty is clear1--at least it is so to me1 and ,i feel that ,i cannot turn from it4 ,now do not think that this uncertainty of life troubles me1 or makes me nervous1 and unnecessarily anxious4 ,i have never felt more perfect peace of mind1 than ,i have for the last three years1 with respect to death4 ,i have felt it a great blessing to be thus reminded of the uncertainty of my life4 ,it is a constant check upon me1 and1 moreover1 makes all the pleasures which lie in my path greater blessings4 ,there is an elevation in such an habitual state of mind1 which takes one beautifully away from the annoying perplexities of life4 ,i could write on for hours1 but ,i have said enough4 ,you will understand me1 and that is all ,i desire now4 ,affectionately1 your ,mother4 ,another expression of a different kind was called out at this time1 by a case of bereavement in which she felt deeply concerned4 ,we give the letter entire as to its object and argument1 because in none of her letters1 and in no others that we recall1 is the question which is here raised so well stated and answered4 ,it is a question which comes to every conscientious sufferer1--pertaining to the conflict between a sense of duty to ourselves and duty to others1 in the season of affliction and secret communion1--the desire for repose and the call for activity4 ,we well know what conflicts both ,mrs4 ,ware and her husband had had1 in regard to this question2 and we follow her with the greater satisfaction1 as she offers the result of her experience and conviction to one of another household1 and of the other sex4 ,milton1 #ahdg4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3-- ,my visit to you this afternoon was so broken1 so unsatisfactory1 my thoughts are so entirely with you1 and my desire to help you1 at least so far as sympathy can do so1 is so strong1 that ,i must indulge myself this once in intruding my poor written words upon you1 for my own relief4 ,very grateful do ,i feel to you for uttering yourself so freely to me3 you do not mistake1 when you believe that ,i can understand all your doubts and fears1 misgivings and contentions4 ,i have felt them all2 and in the knowledge which ,i have of all my husband suffered1 ,i feel as if ,i had a double power to sympathize with you4 ,well do ,i understand that strange elevation of spirit which comes to one in the first hours of bereavement1 when the heart is strong to endure1 and the mind seems to act spontaneously4 ,it would seem1 when one with whose spirit ours had become as it were identified 'passes on1' as if we too had entered 'behind the veil1' and were also raised above the weakness and suffering of humanity4 ,but this cannot last long1 and the necessity of a return to the occupations of life dispels the illusion1 and then comes the struggle from which you are now suffering4 ,two opposing duties seem to present themselves1--one claiming quiet seclusion1 the other impelling to great activity4 ,we long for rest1 we doubt if we have a right to risk the loss of any portion of the benefit which may come to us from the life of meditation and self-communion to which our state of mind naturally leads us1 by going back to the busy bustle of external life4 ,we feel that our soul has been moved to its very depth1 as it never was before1 and we long to 'hold the fleet angel fast1 until he bless us' with an increase of spiritual life1 proportionate to the demands of our condition4 ,but on the other hand1 there lie the duties of life1 appointed by ,god for us to perform2 in their performance lies our mission to the world2 have we any right to neglect them for any object of self-improvement8 ,how shall we decide1 when two duties1 apparently of equal importance1 seem to us perfectly incompatible8 ,but here1 ,i think1 lies our great mistake4 ,we separate that which ,god has joined together2 there can be no opposition in his requisitions1 and if both duties are required of us1 it must be that they may be united4 ,what is spiritual progress8 ,what is the benefit we believe to be intended for us by the discipline of bereavement8 ,is it increased love of ,god1 reliance upon him1 union of soul with him8 ,how shall we gain these by any process of meditation1 so entirely as when1 contending against our desire for repose1 conscious of our utter weakness1 throwing ourselves with the reliance of filial affection upon a ,father's love1 we go forth to execute ,his will in the fulfilment of the duties ,he has assigned us1 believing that ,his promises of strength will not fail8 ,and did they ever fail8 ,and do we not by this act of faith bring our souls into that union with ,god which we so much desire1 more truly than by any abstract thought8 ,how can it be nearer than when1 in the consciousness of our human weakness1 we feel that whatever strength we have is ,his1--that ,he is indeed present to us1 acting in us1--and we know that1 while we have this faith1 ,he will never cease to aid us4 ,but you will say you have tried this1 and strength does not come2 you find yourself more and more averse to effort1 more and more incapable of it4 ,but are you sure you are not aiming at impossibilities1--that you are not requiring from the nature ,god has given you more than you have a right to expect1 and that1 by striving after more than you can reasonably hope to obtain1 you render ineffective the power given8 ,do not misunderstand me4 ,i would not bring down in the very slightest degree the high standard of ,christian excellence at which you aim2 but ,i would have you understand truly the nature of the means which the ,creator has given us by which to attain it4 ',deal gently with thine infirmity1 wait ,god's time4' ,you desire at once to rise to the height to which you believe a ,christian faith may elevate its possessor1 and you are discouraged that the work is not accomplished when you think it ought to be4 ,put aside1 my dear friend1 this desire to regulate the operation of ,god's providence4 ,you say you have never for a moment felt that you were hardly dealt with1 in the outward circumstances of this affliction4 ,apply the same faith to its internal circumstances2 give up your own will as fully in the one case as in the other2 go on1 meekly relying upon ,almighty wisdom1 with your appointed work1 not attempting too much at once1 but selecting just that which seems most important1 increasing your labors as you may find strength comes to aid you1 and be content to use such measure of strength as ,god shall give1 without repining that it is not more2 and this will bring you that 'peace' for which you now sigh4 ,waste not one moment in vain regret that you cannot do all you desire4 ,o1 ,i could read you such a page of suffering from this source1 as would make you weep for the sinfulness of your monitor6 ,if ,i cannot be an example1 let me be a warning to you4 ,may ,i be an efficient one6 ,ever your friend4 ,m4 ,l4 ,,ware4 ,how much is told in that last confession and prayer6 ,she who thus wrote was then in the midst of a fatherless and dependent family1 bearing a load of duty never discharged to her own satisfaction1 wearing a face of unvarying cheerfulness1 and struggling with a fatal disease1 whose progress could not be hidden from herself1 though hidden from others4 ,that equanimity1 which had always been marked as a distinguishing trait1 came out now more and more1 as the demand increased1 and the difficulty also4 ,every one knows the tendency of disease to produce irritation1--sometimes imperceptibly to the sufferer1 sometimes unavoidably1 and with a painful consciousness4 ,in no duty or sympathy for the sick is there more need of kind allowance2 and in none1 perhaps1 is it more wanting4 ,here1 it was not needed4 ,no irritation ever appeared4 ,we say this1 not from that cursory and friendly observation which so often mistakes1 but from those who knew4 ,one near her thus speaks of her equanimity3 ,taking her life through1 as ,i knew it1 there were disturbing causes enough4 ,neither the lesser nor the greater seemed to throw her off her balance4 ,i cannot recall a word or act of harshness4 ,disturbed1 moved1 sad1 ,i have seen her1 but nothing of irritation2 and the first1 where others were concerned1 or some principle1 or morality1 rather than where she was herself personally interested4 ,another affliction came1 and came nearer than any other could1 out of her own family circle4 ,the decline which she had so anxiously watched in ,emma terminated as she had long known it must2 and that true friend had gone before her to a purer sphere4 ,deeply must ,mary have felt this at any time1--how deeply then6 ,toward the end1 all the time that could be spared1 day and night1 had been passed in that sick-room1 where she enjoyed a communion1 and exerted an influence1 that few could4 ,perfect congeniality1 perfect confidence1 an intimacy of years and souls1 a unity of faith and hope1 with an affection unreserved and undimmed1 bound them as one2 and when the tie was severed1 the world seemed another abode1--fast passing away4 ,the letters in which ,mrs4 ,ware speaks of this change are most tender1 and reveal as much of the character of the writer as of the subject4 ,but they are too personal to admit a free use4 ,a brief account we may take1 from a letter which we ourselves received4 ,i do not remember that ,i have written to you since dear cousin ,emma's death4 ,i should love to tell you of the pleasant hours passed in her chamber after her return from ,europe1 the precious hours of her last week with us4 ,her state of mind was a most elevated one1 but her words were few4 ,she could not overcome the habit of reserve upon spiritual subjects1 and it was only in moments of the most private intercourse that she would utter herself freely4 ,it was a beautiful case of great humility1 united with perfect trust4 ,she never for an instant faltered in her faith1 but laid down her almost unequalled power with as perfect readiness as if she had never loved its exercise4 ,you may suppose that her loss is daily1 hourly felt1 by all who belonged to her4 ,this is not the same place without her4 ,we constantly miss her wisdom and her disinterested kindness4 ,do you know that she made this cottage mine1--and more8 ,i never received any gift which was so unexpected1 or so touching4 ,it has made this place more beautiful than ever2 for the very walls have now a sacred association4 ,on ,christmas ,eve1 #ahdg1 ,mrs4 ,ware1 with some of her children1 joined a family gathering at ,cambridge1 in the same house that they occupied during those twelve eventful years4 ,and many were the recollections awakened there4 ,o1 how strange it seemed to me1 to be 'guest' in that house1 on such an occasion6 ,i could scarcely help a sense of responsibility1 as if it were my affair4 ,and my heart turned instinctively to the thought of all my responsibilities there1 and the thought of how much he would have enjoyed1 and added to the enjoyment of others4 ,there was a sense of the want of his visible presence1 such as ,i never expected to feel again1 so familiar have ,i become with the idea of the invisible4 ,on the last night of the year1 she writes in a tone more like sadness than was common with her1 though with the same tranquil trust3--,i live now so entirely among the young1 who could not comprehend the results of an old woman's long experience1 that ,i am unconsciously led to shut up the thoughts which mostly occupy me1 lest any should be annoyed by what they might not understand4 ,and there are consequently periods when it seems as if ,i should stop1 from want of the sympathy and counsel of some contemporary who knew the past as well as ,i do myself4 ,in the various questionings about my children1 and the many doubts which will come to an insulated mind1 how have ,i craved your ear6444 ,it has seemed to me1 since ,emma's death1 that every thing was giving way around me4 ,i cannot tell you what a sense1 a perpetual sense of uncertainty1 appears to pervade every thing4 ,it seems as if not merely one strong being had failed by the way1 but as if strength itself1 the very thing1 had become weakness4 ,and ,i find myself clinging more than ever to the things that remain1 and more and more impatient to use opportunities of intercourse with those ,i love1 feeling that the time is short both for them and myself4 ,little did ,i think1 at this time last year1 that ,i should be here now2 and when ,i look back upon the interval1 and remember that1 instead of the sickness ,i anticipated1 not one day of actual suspension of labor have ,i had1 ,i am amazed at the small amount ,i have accomplished1 and wonder why it is ,i am left4 ,the year has been marked by less external change than usual1 and yet it has brought some important changes in the progress of my children's education4 ,and if ,mrs4 ,ware had not expected to see the end of that year1 she could have little idea of seeing the whole of another4 ,yet this was granted her1--and a little more4 ,and whatever the inward change1 there was none outward1 unless in greater diligence in duty1 and a more earnest endeavor to make others happy4 ,this1 too1 was evident1 in conversation and in letters1--that while life in the present was still full and bright1 there was a growing conviction of life beyond and above4 ,it was seen particularly1 as one and another of her friends departed1--when the emotions expressed were more of joy than of sadness1 as in the case of a bereavement not long before4 ,o1 how the holy band is gathering in that other state6 ,and how near does it seem to us1 when those with whom we have been wont to have daily intercourse enter it6 ,i think1 as ,i grow older1 no part of my experience satisfies me so much1 as the consciousness of an increasing sense of union with a purely spiritual state4 ,not that one loses all interest in this state1 but there comes a fuller sense of the reality of another4 ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,end4 ,of ,mrs4 ,ware's last months and days we have nothing remarkable to record4 ,they did not differ from the months and years that preceded them1 except that they were the last1 and she knew they must be4 ,but she did not on that account seek to impart to them any new aspect1 or new occupation4 ,she had no formal preparation to make for a change1 great indeed and momentous1 yet perfectly familiar to her thoughts1 and never dismaying4 ,she had not left the work of life to be done after the power to do it had gone1 but had used that power as one responsible for the use of all that was given her1 and she continued to use all that remained1 diligently and tranquilly4 ,had she been asked1 as another once was1 ,what would you do1 if you knew you should die to-morrow8 we suppose her reply would have been the same1--,that which ,i am doing to-day4 ,and she was doing a great deal1--as much perhaps as she had ever done1 in all that pertained to family and friends1 the destitute and suffering4 ,and she was enjoying a great deal1 both at home and abroad1 with apparently more1 instead of less1 freedom from that sense of hurry which had so troubled her4 ,this she expresses in a note that we received from her in the month of ,may1 #ahdh1 which shows likewise how fresh and full was her enjoyment of the opening year4 ,we are beginning to look lovely here4 ,it seems to me the spring was never so charming2 but perhaps it is that ,i am more charming than usual6 ,certain it is1 that ,i have seldom been in so favorable a state to enjoy it1 so free from the pressure of care and the sense of hurry1 which has been the bane of my life4 ,i am more willing to leave some things undone than ,i was4 ,is not this a great virtue in a housekeeper1 whose spring-cleaning is not done1 or likely to be these three months8 ,our school has not yet adjourned1 and ,i shall not be quite settled until it has4444 ,thanks for your letter2 ,i shall answer it1 if ,i ever have a quiet hour that has no peremptory demand for other employment4 ,in those last words we see a trait which many have noticed in ,mrs4 ,ware1 and which one of her own sex1 who had seen her in many situations1 thus describes3 ,i never knew any one who had a more just idea of the due proportion which various duties and interests should bear to each other4 ,she was never one-sided in her views1 never lived for one idea alone1 but took a comprehensive view of all her duties and of all her relations to her fellow-beings1 and gave to each its due portion of time and attention4 ,this habit is not uncommon1 perhaps1 in health and active life2 but not every one attempts to maintain it in sickness and the approach of death4 ,that ,mrs4 ,ware was fully conscious of that approach1 though yet in apparent health1 appears from many circumstances4 ,but she did not talk of it1 and few knew it4 ,she preferred not to communicate it even to her family until it was necessary1 lest it should check the freedom or disturb the serenity of a happy household1 preventing rather than promoting the performance of duties all the more imperative if the time were short4 ,from a letter to an absent daughter1 we take the following1 so pleasantly written4 ,milton1 ,may #b1 #ahdh4 ,dear ,e----3 ,have not ,i got some pretty little paper upon which to indite my loving thoughts of thee8 ,it becomes me to have a fine pen1 and to try and be rather refined than otherwise in my chirography6 ,alas for me1 who have to write with quill-nibs without mending6 ,but ,i have rather a fancy for these close lines1 which remind me of the days of my youth1 when ,i used to write as closely without lines4 ,i am particularly reminded of those days1 by having received to-day my own letters to ,cousin ,emma2 and to decipher some of them would try better eyes than most people possessed in her days1 so closely written1 so crossed and recrossed are they4 ,i read one of them1 and have been living over again all day those singular ,osmotherly experiences4 ,i do sometimes wish that ,i could have had the leisure1 while ,i had the power1 to write out for the information of my children that page of my life4 ,it was so powerful a lesson of faith and trust1 that it could not fail of producing in them1 in some degree1 the same effect that it did upon me4 ,in looking back upon it1 ,i cannot but feel that it was a peculiar blessing to me1 as preparatory to the trials which were to follow2 without just such a teaching1 it seems to me they would have overwhelmed me4 ,i often wish ,i could convey to the minds of those who are coming upon the stage of life1 the utter insignificance into which outward circumstances sink in retrospect1 other than as the occasion for the cultivation of the inner being4 ,one almost forgets whether outward things were agreeable or not4 ,the spiritual1 intellectual life is the most prominent2 the progress of our own characters1 the affection which met our affections1 the satisfactions of the soul1 are all that leave any lasting impression upon the memory4 ,by the middle of that summer1 her strength had declined very perceptibly to herself1 though not to common observers1 and she felt that the time had come for an explicit communication4 ,and never can we forget the perfect composure and natural cheerfulness with which she spoke of it to some of us who had little idea of the whole truth1--showing a paper that she had written to one of her children1 and asking counsel in regard to it4 ,the paper is of too private a character to be given here1 except a few of the more general passages4 ,i have not thought it worth while to trouble you1 or any one else1 with the knowledge of this1 while ,i was well enough to go on as usual1 and had no reason to expect change4 ,the doctor has always said ,i might live1 as many had1 for years1 and die from some other cause1 before this became very troublesome2 and it may yet be so4 ,but within a few months the course of the thing has changed1 and ,i cannot but feel that it may come to a crisis at any time1 and ,i be suddenly prostrated4 ,with these views1 ,i wish not to hide from myself my danger2 and ,i thank ,god for the influence which this consciousness has had upon my mind for a long time past4 ,i have felt it good for my soul to know that ,i carried about with me a disease which must be fatal4 ,it has helped me more than any thing else to put the things of this life into their true relative position4 ,and while it has not for a moment lessened my interest or my enjoyment of any thing around me1 it has saved me from many painful moments and anxious cares1 by showing me the insignificance of much that ,i once cared too much for4 ,the only evil ,i have found in it is a sense of hurry2 feeling that ,i may have but little time to work in1 ,i am tempted to work hurriedly1 and thus with less comfort4 ,i cannot tell you the many thoughts ,i have of the future destiny of my children4444 ,i need not tell you how inexpressibly nearer and dearer all the children are to me every day ,i live1 or how earnestly ,i pray that they may be such as their father's children ought to be4 ,in the early autumn1 she spent much of her time at the house of her son in ,cambridgeport1 in whose family there occurred a case of sickness and death1 which engaged her deepest sympathies and tasked her strength4 ,once more she became a nurse and laborious helper4 ,after it1 she sank for a time1 but again rallied1 and through the greater part of the winter continued strong in spirit1 with great energy of will and action1 interested in every thing1 grateful for every thing1 busily and happily occupied4 ,of the accounts given us by others1 beside what we saw and heard of her whole bearing and conversation that winter1 we can use little1 lest it should seem like eulogy1--which we desire to avoid1 particularly in connection with her death4 ,but should this prevent all freedom of expression8 ,if we may not speak from our own mind and heart1 may we not from the testimony of those who were near enough to understand the whole1 yet with no relation or interest to mislead them8 ,a lady writes3 ,it was my great privilege to pass a few weeks with her in the sanctuary of her own home1 in the early progress of the malady which terminated her natural life4 ,words fail me to convey my impression of her at this period4 ,always serene and cheerful1 there was yet a seriousness in her manner1 and a depth of purpose in her words and acts1 that were to me very impressive4444 ,every duty was to her always a religious duty2 and hence we saw in her the same fidelity and perfectness in every household care1 however humble or distasteful1 as in employments of a more congenial character4444 ,while her life was to me highly inspiring1 it was also deeply humiliating4 ,she seemed to me always sufficient to herself in her great resources1 and ,i felt that ,i could be nothing to her4 ,i once told her so2 she smiled1 and said1 ',you don't know how weak ,i feel1 and how ,i long to lean upon some one1 and be caressed and petted like a child4' ,a near neighbor and privileged friend says3 ,when we learned that her days were numbered1 as we did some months before her death1 we of course looked upon every thing connected with her with a more subdued and chastened interest4 ,she seldom1 almost never1 alluded to her condition4 ,but there were little valedictory acts to be remembered when she was gone1 that showed her thoughtfulness and love4 ,the last time ,i saw her at church was on ,thanksgiving day1 the great family festival of ,new ,england4 ,during most of the services she was in tears1 doubtless thinking of those whom she was soon to join1 and of those now with her who must spend their next ,thanksgiving alone4 ,but her tears were tears of endearment and tenderness1 more than of sorrow4444 ,gradually her walks were given up4 ,some unusual calls on her sympathy and strength may possibly have shortened her sufferings4 ',but if ,i had foreseen it all1' she said1 ',i should have done the same4' ,there was no shrinking from what lay before her1 but that entire humility which neither presumes nor fears1 and is content with what ,god appoints4 ,but we need not rely on others for a knowledge of ,mrs4 ,ware's condition and temper at this time4 ,her own words still speak for her1 and speak with the same clearness and calmness as ever4 ,letters and notes were written to all who had any claim1 through the winter4 ,the year was not suffered to close without one more annual1--the last seal to that firm friendship4 ,portions of these letters and notes will serve as the best index to the progress of her life1--for we cannot call it the decline4 ,december #bf1 #ahdh4 ,dear ,john3 ,you must wonder why ,i have not written to you in all this age of a week since you were here4 ,in truth4 ,i have not been able to do so1 for ,i had to give up and go to bed4 ,i should have been wise had ,i done so when ,i first came home1 ,i suppose2 but ,i was so sure that ,i had no right to expect to feel better1 that ,i could not think it worth while4 ,i am better now1 and am going to venture to town to-morrow4 ,i have had but one hour yet for accounts1 and as my arm is becoming more and more useless1 ,i dare not put off doing what that arm alone can do4 ,i desire so to arrange matters that ,i may have only tranquillity1--no hurry1 no bustle1 no irritation anywhere4444 ,i have none but cheerful views for myself1 and ,i desire to be spared anxiety about the outside to mar that cheerfulness4444 ,i have promised to go into ,mr4 ,b----'s1 ,new ,year's eve1 and can do that with little fatigue4 ,kiss ,henry boy for his grandmother1 and wish him a 'happy new year' for me when the time comes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,december #ca1 #ahdh4 ,dear ,n----3 ,once more ,i will make an attempt to write to you1 for ,i cannot let this season go without giving you some record of what is passing1--as my reason tells me it is in all probability my last annual missive4 ,do not1 my dear friend1 shrink from this idea1 as if it were some dreadful fact which you wished not to realize4 ,i can write it1 ,i trust ,i can bring it home as a truth1 without the slightest quickening of the pulse1 without a wish to decide my own fate4 ,i would bless ,god1 that in ,his tender love ,he has so gradually brought me to the consciousness of the great uncertainty of my own life1 that all connected with that uncertainty has been familiar to me through the softening influence of distance1 and my vision can now bear the strong light of the nearer presence without dismay4 ,in recalling the various circumstances in which ,i have written my many annuals to you1 ,i cannot remember one in which ,i have had less anxiety about the future4 ,i feel strangely perplexed sometimes at this2 ,i know that while it is possible my life may be prolonged many years1 yet they would be years of suffering1 of comparative uselessness1 and perhaps of great discomfort to those around me2 and still more1 that the more probable prospect is a rapid1 if not sudden1 annihilation of life4 ,i have children for whose welfare ,i have lived1 and cared only to live for the last five years2 and of whose fate when ,i am gone ,i cannot even guess4 ,i have felt that my life was important to them2 and when the idea of being obliged to leave them first came to me1 ,i thought ,i must be a great loss to them2 but now ,i cannot make it seem so by any process of thought4 ,why is this8 how is this8 ,i cannot tell4 ,i do not love them less2 on the contrary1 my tenderness of feeling towards them increases every day4 ,i never cared so much to have them with me1 ,i never enjoyed their various powers more4 ,is it that ,i am under a delusion1--that death is not the reality to my mind which ,i conceived it to be8 ,i confess ,i cannot answer satisfactorily4 ,i seem to myself1 as ,i did at sea in a dangerous storm1 quiet1 confiding1 sure that no human help can aid1 and not anxious to look beyond the present4 ,but it may be that it is only because1 while we are able to exercise both mental and physical powers in some way all the time1 it is impossible to bring home the conviction that all may stop at any moment4 ,one solution of the mystery comes to me sometimes4 ,you know ,i have felt1 ever since my husband's death1 that it was the most inexplicable mystery that my children should have been left to my sole care instead of his1 when ,i was so deficient in the power to do for them what a parent should4 ,i could only satisfy myself by the fact1 that the ,all-wise1 ,all-powerful1 could overrule my mistakes1 and ,i had no right to ask why4 ,this consciousness of inefficiency has never left me1 and ,i cannot therefore feel that my withdrawal will be to them an essential evil4 ,i have seen many instances of children left1 as mine will be1 to their own guidance1 who have evidently made much stronger characters for that self-dependence4 ,and though they may suffer1 perhaps1 as ,i did1 from the loss of that affection which a parent only can give1 we see so many suffering quite as much from the misdirection of that affection1 where the tie is not thus broken1 that we dare not say1 in any given instance1 which fate would be the best for a child4 ,of one thing we are certain2 we are short-sighted1 finite beings1 our minds can fathom but part1 'one little part1' of the plan of ,providence2 and we cannot tell but what the most adverse circumstances may be made instrumental to the education of the soul1 by that overruling ,power which sees the end and the beginning4 ,we understand so little of the true character of each individual mind1 that we know not but that what seems most adverse is in reality best adapted to its wants4 ,why1 then1 can we not be content to give up our own desires1 our own judgments1 all anxieties1 all plans1 and trust that all will be ordered right8 ,not certainly to sit down passively and do nothing2 but1 carefully watching the indications of ,providence1 to exercise our best judgments in trying to further its designs1 and be content with the issues4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #ba1 #ahdi4 ,dear ,louisa3 ,i send the above just as it has lain in my desk these three weeks1 to show you that ,i have 'made an effort4' ,i devoted that last evening of the year to writing to you and ,n----1 and began your letter first2 but my arm was so painful that ,i soon found ,i could not accomplish both2 and ,i laid aside yours1 because ,i was reluctant to omit1 for the first time in more than thirty years1 my annual to her1 feeling as ,i did that it would probably be my last4 ,this you will pardon2 but1 in justice to myself1 ,i must go back and tell you why ,i had not before even commenced an answer to you1 because ,i consider the mere fact of seeming neglect of such a letter ought to be fully explained1 for the credit of human nature in general4444 ,i have been greatly blessed in finding1 that1 as the reality of what lies before me has become more and more distinct to my consciousness1 ,i have lost nothing of the tranquil faith which made me willing to acquiesce in it4 ,my nervous system is not touched yet in a way to affect the firmness of my views of the future4 ,my great study now is1 how to do my part towards making this experience of most value to my children4 ,while ,i wish not to withhold from them any benefit they may receive by free and full knowledge of my condition1 ,i am sure it must be introduced with a judicious reference to their different casts of character4 ,i am feeling my way1 and earnestly pray to be guided aright4444 ,as to my visiting you1 ,i have not been a mile from home for many weeks1--can only ride a little in a very easy vehicle without suffering for days after it4 ,but ,i am content to be quiet4 ,after such a life of activity1 ,i enjoy the right to be still1 more than ,i can tell2 and ,i have home employment enough to fill all the time1 if it prove ten times as long as ,i think it will4 ,i hope to see you here when the weather is warmer1 if ,god should spare me until then4 ,god bless you1 dear ,l46 ,i love to have your letters1 but cannot promise to answer them very punctually4 99 99 99 99 99 ,january #bh1 #ahdi1 ,sunday ,evening4 ,my dear ,lucy3 ,strange indeed must it seem to you1 that your kind1 sympathizing letter1 written more than two months since1 should not have received an answer long before this2 and if you have not1 through some of your mutual friends1 heard something of the progress of things with us since then1 you must think it perfectly unpardonable4 ,but in truth1 dear ,lucy1 ,i have thought much of you1 and longed to write1 and still more to see you2 and nothing short of physical inability has prevented me from long ago reporting myself to you4 ,it is not worth while now to go back to the various causes which at first prevented my writing4 ,i have lost ground greatly in the last three months1 and should ,i continue to do so for the next in the same proportion1 ,i shall be a mere burden2 but no one can form any calculation about it1 and ,i desire not to attempt it4 ,i have no wish to penetrate the future4 ,i know all will be ordered as it had best be4 ,what more can ,i need to know8 ,i feel that ,i have special cause for gratitude in the length of time given me to make the subject familiar to my mind2 and not less so1 that the disease so far does not disturb the perfect tranquillity of my mind1 or take from me any of the advantages of this long preparation4 ,my faith is strong that ,he who has been the ,father of the fatherless1 and the widows' ,god1 will protect and guide the orphans ,i must leave behind me4 ,it is not in vain that ,i have had an orphan's experience4 ,,he guided me in safety through the many perils which beset the lonely one2 ,i may surely trust ,him for those to whom ,he has vouchsafed the aid of kindred so near and dear4 ,my only care now is1 how to do my part in giving them the full advantage of this discipline1 and ,i earnestly pray to be guided aright4444 ,i should love to see you1 and hope to do so in the course of the winter or spring4 ,i sit quietly at home1 but have seldom a day without visitors1 sometimes to weariness2 but ,i love to see my friends1 and they are many2 ,i cannot say nay to them4 ,i have not been to ,cambridge since ,i first came home1 and to ,boston only twice for two months1 and could not do it now4 ,but perhaps1 when ,i can take more air1 ,i may gain a little more strength1 and stay a little longer than seems probable now4 ,of this you may rest assured1 that1 come when it may1 ,i can say with perfect truth1 ',not as ,i will1 but as ,thou wilt4' 99 99 99 99 99 ,february #c1 #ahdi4 ,dear ,friend3 ,i know you will be glad to have a word directly from us of our welfare1 and ,i therefore gladly avail myself of a kind offer to take a note to you1 though ,i have time only for a short one4 ,i have had my ups and downs since you were here1 but on the whole do not think there is any material change2--some days of great suffering1 and then again days and nights of perfect ease4 ,so ,i have had much for which to be grateful in the alternation1 for the days of suffering made the seasons of relief more delightful1 and the rest enables me the better to bear the suffering4 ,much indeed have ,i to be grateful for4 ,never was kindness bestowed upon mortal1 ,i believe1 such as is every day showered upon me1 and nothing yet has come to disturb the serenity of my mind4 ,i find myself as free to enjoy all that is passing as ever1 and the 'daily duty1' small though it be to me now1 interests and satisfies me4444 ,i have an almost incessant influx of visitors1 which sometimes wearies me2 but then ,i love to see them1 and ,i enjoy the occasional quiet hour all the more4 ,my wakeful hours at night are the most precious1 being happily free from all nervous restlessness2 and often do ,i wish ,i had some other wakeful spirit at my side with whom ,i could commune of the passing visions4 ,but enough of self4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dear ,maria3 ,i did not like1 in your short visit1 to occupy any time with self2 but ,i should love to tell you of the blessed peace which is given me in relation to the trial which lies before me1 and of the faith and hope which shed their tranquil light upon the future1 even in respect to that most trying point1 ,what will become of my children8444 ,for while ,i feel that every day which is spared me makes them all more and more dear to me1 ,i realize more and more that ,i cannot be separated from them4 ,the friend to whom those last words were written1 then a wife and mother herself1 and once a cherished parishioner of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ware1 has since joined their communion above4 ,and her part of this correspondence shows how beautiful had been the influence of the life whose close she now witnessed4 ,indeed1 the fact itself should be stated1 if nothing more1 as belonging to the actual character of ,mary ,ware1 that the many letters and notes which came to her in these declining days1 from friends near and friends abroad1 are filled1 not with empty praise1 nor yet useless and distressing grief1 but with expressions of grateful joy for the power of her faith in the present struggle1 and its power upon them1 in the past and always4 ,if ever there was evidence of the reality and influence of the ,christian faith in itself1 or of a peculiar form of it1 it might be shown here4 ,the believer and sufferer thought less of any peculiarities1 than of the essential spirit and power4 ,but all that she had held1 she retained1 and found sufficient1--unfailingly1 abundantly sufficient4 ,and it was a blessing to her in her last days1 to know that others of the same faith felt its sustaining power1 and shared with her in its peace and joy4 ,the friend to whom we have just referred writes3 ,scarcely an hour passes in the day1 that ,i do not think of you with so much tenderness and sympathy as ,i have no words to convey to you4 ,the thought of you does me good4 ,i know what is passing in the depth of your soul1 and it gives me strength to go on4 ,will you pray for me1 that while ,i live ,i may do what is right1 cheerfully and submissively1 if not joyfully8 ,she begs ,mrs4 ,ware to write down1 or let another write1 some passages of her life4 ,your experience has so blessed me1 that ,i long to spread its influence4 ,i can never thank you for what you and our sainted friend1 with whom you seem now more than ever 'one1' have done for my soul4 ,another1 who was herself the widowed wife of one of the best of men1 writes to ,mrs4 ,ware of their former intercourse and communion3 ,there has been no alloy mingled in this cup of blessing2 we can carry it all with us to our ,father's house4 ,with my whole heart ,i rejoice that you are able to act out your highest convictions1 that your disease so gently looses the bonds to earth1 as to leave your spirit free to bear its testimony to the last to the power of your faith in the goodness of ,god1 and the reality of everlasting life4 ',he that liveth and believeth shall never see death4' ,with you and me death has lost its sting4 ,are we not willing to go where those we have loved so truly are gone8 ,shall we not gladly make their home our home8 ,it is not the fear of death that ever presses upon me1 but the fear of not being worthy of the unutterable happiness of a reunion with those that have gone before me2 so ,i welcome pain1 hoping it may purge me of my sins1 and make me more fit for heaven4 ,sometimes1 when the idea is very clear and strong in my mind of eternal life with the good and great souls that ,i have known here1 ,i gasp for breath1 and1 like the disciples1 'cannot believe for joy4' ,and surely1 dear ,mary1 the love that has been perfect love cannot be quenched or turned from us in the land of spirits to which we are tending1--in which you seem to me now to be living4 ,these sentiments are the reflection of her mind1 who had done so much to form or invigorate them4 ,they were some of the blessed fruits of the faith that she and her husband had cherished1--the faith that still bound her to him1 and to all whom she loved4 ,as such1 she welcomed them4 ,but the moment the partiality of friends carried them beyond this1 and implied the least merit or power of her own1 she was pained4 ,i thank you for this note2 yet--shall ,i say it8--it pained me4 ,i do not like to feel that my friends are attributing to my efforts that which ,i feel is the direct action of a higher power4 ,knowing as ,i do how great are my deficiencies1 how far ,i fall short of the 'perfect stature1' ,i cannot but feel humbled by such expressions4444 ,please thank ,mrs4 ---- most gratefully for her kind offers of aid4 ,i seem to be so overwhelmed with comforts1 that ,i have nothing to ask for myself4 ,o1 how great is the goodness of ,god towards me6 ,it is a touching incident1 that one letter came from ,england just too late4 ,it was from 'little ,jamie1' the motherless boy1 now a man1 whose life ,mary ,pickard had been instrumental in saving1 during the dreadful sickness at ,osmotherly4 ,she had never heard from him4 ,but he now wrote a long and grateful letter1 thanking her for her kindness to his dying parents and to himself1 of which he had heard so much1 as well as for her continued remembrance of his aged grandmother as long as she lived4 ,had the letter come a few days sooner1 it would have rendered still more fervent the thankfulness which filled and animated that deathless heart4 ,we offer nothing more from ,mrs4 ,ware's pen4 ,she used it as long as she had strength1 forgetting no friend1 keeping her personal and domestic accounts1 and leaving nothing to others that she could do herself4 ,attention to things temporal was with her not even secondary1 but part of religion1 all of which was primary and essential4 ,essential also1 in her view1 was the duty of cheerfulness1 and of making others happy4 ,thoughtfulness for others1 and a participation in all their joys1 were among the latest manifestations1 as prevailing in sickness as in full health4 ,she wished no household duty to stop for her1 no happy face of youth or manhood to lose its brightness4 ,the song of the birds1 and the song of the children1 were glad notes even to her decaying sense4 ,never did a sick-room have less of the odor of sickness than that1 says one of her children4 ,it was the brightest spot on earth4 ,nothing was shut out from it1 but the door stood wide for all the joys and hopes of all1 even to the last4 ,in this connection it deserves to be mentioned1 that ,mrs4 ,ware found a true and most devoted friend in her physician4 ,she knew the worth of such a friend2 and it was one of her last acts of thoughtfulness and gratitude1 to beg her children to remember the kindness of the ,doctor4#f ,footnote #f3 ,dr4 ,c4 ,c4 ,holmes1 of ,milton4 ,the last letter that ,mrs4 ,ware wrote1 or rather dictated1 was in behalf of an aged and destitute clergyman1 whose family she had often taken to her home1 and for whose benefit the provision made by some generous friends1 partly as a solace to her own departing spirit1 shed upon that spirit a serener and brighter radiance4 ,to him who told her of it1 she said1 joyfully1 ,i hope to have some spiritual ministry given to me2 ,i have been able to do little here1 but ,i hope to do more4 ,with great clearness1 and in words that were retained1 she had defined to a friend and clergyman1 a short time before1 her views of the world to which she was drawing near4 ,i find myself thinking very little of the future world as to its 'circumstances4' ,i mean1 ,i am surprised to find how little curiosity ,i feel about it4 ,i trust myself with my ,father1 both now and hereafter4 ,whatever is best for me then1 as now1 ,i feel sure will be ordained4444 ,if we suffer here1 it is by a ,father's hand1 it is in wisdom and mercy4 ,if we suffer there1 it must be no less so4 ,no1 ,i desire to suffer in the coming world1 as in this1 if ,he pleases1 if ,he will that ,i should4 ,i have a perfect trust and confidence in ,god4444 ,ah1 ,mr4 ,h----1 it is the self-surrender1 a renunciation of our will for ,god's1 which is the thing4 ,if we can only do this truly1 it is all4 ,but how much it means6 ,it has relation to the whole of life4 ,it in eludes action as well as endurance4 ,it is a perpetual act4 ,at times we feel strong to do it1--to do it in one great act4 ,but in the details of life we come sadly short4444 ,there are some who seem to think of self-surrender as implying and inducing a certain weakness of the spirit1 a giving up of power1 a lessening of the soul's activity4 ,but it is not so4 ,far from it4 ,it implies no lessening of activity1 of energy or power of character4 ,it is that these are out of self1 and in and for ,,god4 ,the afternoon of the day before she died1 writes her pastor1 ,i was told that she had expressed a desire to see me4 ,as ,i entered the room1 her face was perfectly radiant4 ,she knew that her hour had come1 and she would say a few last words of kindness to us all4 ',i wish to thank you1' she said1 'for all that you have done1--every thing4 ,and it is all here1' placing her hand on her breast1 'it is all here4 ,this peace1 this peace6 it is all here4' ',yes1' ,i replied1 'if we seek we shall find it4' ',i have not sought it1' she said quickly4 ',it came4 ,it was sent4' 444 ',come with a smile1' she said to one whom she had called to bid her farewell4 ,and her chamber then seemed to us more as a forecourt of heaven1 than a painful approach to the tomb4 ,on a lovely ,april day1 the windows of her room all open that she might breathe freely1 she looked up at one who entered1 and said with a smile1 ,what a beautiful day to go home6 ,near the end1 one at her side said to another1 in tears1 ,how much stronger she is than we are6 ,i am so much nearer the ,source of strength1 she whispered4 ,her suffering was acute1 but her thought and care were more for others than herself1 to the last4 ,much of the time she held in her hand that sacred note which her husband had written to her when he thought himself dying1 at a distance4 ,and precious1 very precious1 must have been to her those last1 parting words from one to whom she was now going4 ,dear1 dear ,mary1 if ,i could1 ,i would express all ,i owe to you4 ,you have been an unspeakable1 an indescribable blessing4 ,god reward you a thousand fold6 ,farewell1 till we meet again4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the evening twilight of another balmy day1--,,good ,,friday1--that spent frame was laid by the side of his1 in the hallowed rest of ,mount ,auburn4 ,and as we turned away1 we felt that another tie to earth was broken1 and heard another voice calling us to heaven4 99 99 99 99 99 ,with regret1 rather than gladness1 we lay down the pen which has attempted to record the life of a humble ,christian4 ,delightful has it been to renew our communion1 and extend our intimacy1 with one whose presence was always felt as a blessing4 ,if we have transgressed the bounds we set for ourselves in the beginning1 and given expression to feelings as well as facts1 we can only say that we have repressed more than we have disclosed of the recollections and emotions awakened by this intercourse4 ,a true portrait may seem to be praise1 but less than that would be injustice4 ,we draw no character1 in the end1 but only refer to the two facts which seem most worthy of note4 ,first1 the amount of happiness enjoyed by one whose life was passed in the midst of sickness and trial1 and who for six years felt that a fatal and distressing disease was consuming her life1--yet could say of the whole1 ,it has been a beautiful experience4 ,i have been so happy1--no one can tell how happy4 ,and1 next1 the illustration here seen of the large sphere1 the vast power1 and imperishable work1 of a woman who never left the domestic relations1 nor aspired to any thing that is not possible to every daughter1 wife1 and mother4 ,if this appear1 it is enough1--that religion1 with or without rank1 wealth1 beauty1 rare endowment1 varied accomplishment1 or any singularity1 can lift ,,woman to the highest distinction and confer the most enduring glory1--that of filling well1 not the narrow1 but the wide and divine realm of ,,home4