,,ludicrous ,,aspects ,,of              
,,christianity3  ,a ,response ,to ,the  
,challenge ,of ,the ,bishop ,of         
,manchester4  ,by ,austin ,holyoak      
,the ,bishop of ,manchester1 in a speech
 delivered by him in ,oldham in ,august1
 #ahgj1 is reported to have said that he
 could defy anyone to try to caricature 
the work1 the character1 or the person  
of the ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,he no     
doubt felt confident in throwing out    
such a challenge1 as the attempt would  
be considered so atrociously impious    
that few men could be found with courage
 enough to incur the odium of such an   
act4 ,we confess that we have not the   
temerity to wound the sensitiveness of  
the devoutly religious4 ,what may be    
deemed of the nature of caricature in   
the following remarks the reader is     
requested to regard as merely the       
spontaneous utterance of one who is     
keenly alive to the ludicrous1 and who  
is not awed by the belief that the      
,bible is an infallible volume4 ,we find

 the ,new ,testament1 when read without 
the deceptive spectacles of faith as    
amusing1 as extravagant1 and as         
contradictory in many places as most    
books4  ,a system of religion1 to be a  
moral guide to men1 should be perfect in
 all its parts4 ,it should not consist  
of a few precepts which might be        
followed under certain circumstances1   
the rest being made up of               
impossibilities and contradictions2 but 
should be so comprehensive as to embrace
 all orders of men under all            
circumstances4 ,and a divine exemplar to
 mankind1 if such a being can be        
imagined1 should possess every human    
virtue in perfection1 and be absolutely 
without fault4 ,we are told daily and   
hourly that ,jesus ,christ possesses    
these transcendent qualities1 and is    
worthy of the homage and admiration of  
the world4 ,we ask where this divine    
image is to be found1 and are referred  
to the four ,gospels in the ,new        
,testament4 ,all that is there written  

was written by inspiration of ,god1 and 
,god therefore is the painter of the    
lineaments of his own ,son4 ,we will    
take it as such1 and see what aspect    
,jesus presents when viewed in the light
 we are able to bring to bear upon his  
portrait4 ,we shall follow a somewhat   
different plan to that adopted by ,m4   
,renan4 ,that great ,french writer has  
evidently gone to his task with the     
intention or anticipation of finding an 
almost perfect man1 and he ends by      
believing he really sees one in ,jesus4 
,we have taken up the ,gospels with the 
desire of finding what is actually      
there2 and as it appears to us1 so we   
will present it to the reader4 ,we know 
that some will view the sayings and     
actions in a different light2 but that  
is inevitable4 ,no two persons ever see 
in the painted portrait of a friend or  
relative1 precisely the same expression2
 yet they may be equally honest4 ,now we
 claim to be regarded as truthful in the
 following portraiture1 though ,jesus   

appears to us a very different man to   
what he appeared to ,m4 ,renan4 ,some   
may say we are flippant1 but that we    
cannot help1 though we may regret it4   
,we must express ourselves in our own   
way1 and we most be excused if we laugh 
at what seems ludicrous or absurd4  ,we 
may be accused of a want of reverence1  
but we cannot feel reverence for what   
does not excite that feeling in us4     
,these pages are not critical--they do  
not pretend to be learned--they do not  
seek to explain away anything on the    
score of forgeries or interpolations4   
,they are based upon the supposition    
that the ,four ,gospels are each and    
collectively true1 and without          
contradiction4 ,no attempt is made to   
reconcile contradictions by rejecting   
all that does not harmonise4 ,the       
,churches do not do so--they cling to   
all within the two covers of the sacred 
book1 and of course take the            
responsibility4  ,nothing will be here  
set down that ,jesus did not utter2 no  

meaning will be put upon his words that 
they will not legitimately bear2 we have
 judged of him as we find him in the    
general actions of his life4 ,a devout  
believer will exclaim1 with uplifted    
hands and eyes--,oh1 this is blasphemy2 
it is revolting to the moral sense2     
,christ was the ,son of ,god1 and       
therefore perfect4 ,he could not be what
 you have represented him to be1 or     
people long ago would have ceased to    
worship him4 ,he is the one sublime     
character whose image fills the world1  
and before whom millions bow the head in
 reverent humility4 ,just so2 that is   
where the delusion arises4 ,men have    
been taught that they must not          
think--that they must not doubt--that   
they must not examine the grounds of    
their faith--they must believe1 and that
 the sin of unbelief is everlasting     
perdition4 ,a halo of sanctity is thrown
 around this distorted image--there is a
 sacred mystery1 a holy of holies into  
which common sense must not enter2 and  

so devotees fall down at the threshold  
and worship1 where they should stand    
erect in reliance on their own reason   
and judgment1 and examine fearlessly for
 themselves into those doctrines on a   
belief in which their everlasting       
salvation is said to depend4  ,jesus1   
the son of ,mary1 but not the son of    
,joseph1 ,mary's husband1 was1 according
 to his biographers1 an illegitimate    
child--at least1 his birth seems to have
 been brought about in a most           
illegitimate way4 ,one ,matthew1 who    
pretends to know a great deal about this
 child1 even before it was born1 wishes 
his readers to infer that ,jesus was    
descended in a direct line from that    
worthy man and favourite of ,god1 ,king 
,david1 through exactly twenty-eight    
generations2 that is1 down to ,joseph1  
who was not the father of ,jesus at all4
 ,he was the son of the ,holy ,ghost1   
but who or what that was no man knows1  
and no one has been able to comprehend  
unto this day4 ,another biographer named

 ,luke1 more sensible than ,matthew1    
like a modern ,welshman traces ,jesus's 
descent direct from ,adam1 who1 being   
the first man1 was probably a very      
distant relative of his4  ,this         
extraordinary child ,jesus1 who in his  
own language was simply ,joshua1 came   
into the world to fulfil no end of      
prophecies4 ,he was to be called ,jesus1
 that he might save his people from     
their sins4 ,but he did not do it1 as   
the ,jews have had amongst them since   
his time as great criminals as ever     
existed before4 ,he was also to be named
 ,emmanuel1 which1 being interpreted1 is
 ,god with us4 ,but he never was called 
,emmanuel1 so the second prophecy was   
fulfilled6 ,he was born in a house in   
the first instance1 and a star was seen 
to walk before certain wise men and     
direct them where he was4 ,in the second
 instance he was born in a manger1 in   
the stable of an inn where certain      
shepherds found ,mary1 and ,joseph1 and 
the babe lying4 ,these were not wise men

 from the ,east1 but poor ignorant      
shepherds from the neighbouring fields1 
and they were not led by a star1 but had
 seen an angel of the ,lord by night1   
who terrified them very much1 and       
departed without telling them in which  
particular manger the ,saviour was to be
 found4 ,the angel appeared amid loud   
sounds of ,glory to ,god in the highest1
 and on earth peace1 and good-will      
towards men4 ,if those glad tidings of  
great joy were heard then1 they have    
never been heard since1 for the advent  
of this child was the signal for war1   
and strife1 and bloodshed among mankind1
 which have desolated every land where  
the ,christian name has been spoken4    
,after their fright was over1 the       
shepherds consulted together1 and       
resolved to go into ,bethlehem1 to look 
for this thing which had come to pass4  
,they alighted upon ,joseph and his     
family all lying in a manger1 much to   
the surprise of ,mary1 who evidently did
 not comprehend what the excitement was 

about1 for we are told that ,mary kept  
all these things1 and pondered them in  
her heart4 ,so after all1 who knows that
 they found the right babe at last8 ,if 
such evidence as is here given were     
adduced in a court of law to prove the  
identity of a lost heir to an estate1 it
 would never be allowed to go even to   
trial1 but the grand jury would ignore  
the bill at once4  ,however1 as ,jesus  
was declared the rightful heir1 we must 
accept that fact1 and proceed to examine
 how far he administered the great      
estate to which he was born4 ,joseph was
 a very drowsy man1 who had to be       
continually warned and roused by angels 
as to what he should do and the dangers 
which threatened him4 ,being made wide  
awake to the fact that ,herod sought to 
kill the child1 he suddenly fled into   
,egypt with his family1 and there       
remained till the death of ,herod1 that 
another prophecy might be fulfilled1    
,out of ,egypt have ,i called my son4   
,but he did not go into ,egypt1 but was 

taken back to ,nazareth at eight days   
old1 and there remained till he was a   
man4 ,so the third prophecy was         
fulfilled6  ,jesus is familiarly known  
by the name of the meek and lowly1 but  
this is a title which scarcely seems    
warranted by the narratives4 ,from his  
youth upwards he gave signs of the      
possession of an imperious disposition  
and a vituperative tongue1 and he on    
several occasions manifested a want of  
filial affection4 ,his parents went to  
,jerusalem every year to the feast of   
the ,passover1 and at the age of twelve 
,jesus was taken4 ,when the parents     
returned1 the boy remained behind       
unknown to them1 and they had got a     
day's journey on their way home before  
they missed him4 ,they retraced their   
steps to ,jerusalem in much trouble1 and
 at last1 after three days' search1     
found the truant comfortably seated in  
the temple in the midst of the doctors1 
holding a learned argument with them4   
,when his mother saw him she asked him  

why he had caused them so much sorrow4  
,instead of showing any penitence1 he   
pertly answered1 ,how is it that ye     
sought me8 wist ye not that ,i must be  
about my ,father's business8 ,and ,mary1
 though she knew he was the son of the  
,holy ,ghost1 had not the slightest idea
 what he meant4  ,when he began to be   
about thirty years of age1 he met with  
,john ,baptist1 a strange sort of       
anchorite1 who used to dress in         
camelshair and eat locusts and wild     
honey4 ,from this cynic ,jesus learnt   
much1 especially the habit of calling   
names4 ,when people presented themselves
 to ,john to be baptised1 he greeted    
them in this loving way--,o generation  
of vipers1 who hath warned you to flee  
from the wrath to come8 ,jesus was      
baptised1 and afterwards retailed much  
that ,john had said1 especially his     
abusive phrases4 ,at this ceremony of   
immersion the heavens opened to ,jesus1 
and the ,spirit of ,god descended like a
 dove and alighted upon him4 ,this      

,spirit assumes as many shapes as ,satan
 himself1 and altogether appears to be a
 very curious bird of passage4 ,this    
baptism was not a happy thing to ,jesus1
 for immediately afterwards he was led  
up of the ,spirit into the wilderness to
 be tempted of the ,devil1 and he had to
 fast forty days and forty nights1 and  
afterwards1 we are gravely told1 he was 
an hungered1 which is not a remarkable  
fact1 seeing that he was a young man of 
very good appetite4 ,we shall see1 as we
 get farther on1 that his love of eating
 and drinking was manifested on many    
carious occasions4 ,the ,old and ,new   
,testaments teem with accounts of feasts
 and carouses by the chosen of the      
,lord1 and the ,lord himself1 to such a 
degree1 that ,christianity has not      
inaptly been termed the religion of     
gourmands4 ,jesus frequently manifests  
great readiness and smartness in reply1 
which is either an answer to the        
question addressed to him1 or a very    
clever evasion of it4 ,when the ,devil  

had got ,jesus1 he said to him1 ,if thou
 be the ,son of ,god1 command that these
 stones be made bread4 ,the ,devil      
evidently thought that to make something
 to eat would be the greatest temptation
 he could offer him4 ,but ,jesus evaded 
the task by saying1 ,it is written that 
man shall not live by bread alone4 ,the 
,devil tried again1 and took him to the 
pinnacle of a temple1 and asked him to  
cast himself down1 saying--,for it is   
written ,he shall give his angels charge
 concerning thee4 ,jesus said unto him1 
,it is written again1 ,thou shalt not   
tempt the ,lord thy ,god4 ,the ,devil   
tried a third time1 and took him up into
 an exceeding high mountain1 and showed 
him all the kingdoms of this world1 and 
the glory of them1 and promised him all 
if he would fall down and worship him4  
,how could ,jesus see from one spot all 
the kingdoms of the world8 as no one    
looking straight before him can see     
round a globe2 but if it was done by    
supernatural power1 why take the trouble

 to go to the top of an exceeding high  
mountain8 the flat country would have   
been a more suitable spot4 ,he also saw 
the glory of them1 which must have      
puzzled him greatly1 for what is the    
glory of one place1 is sometimes the    
shame of another1 ,jesus said1 ,get thee
 hence1 ,satan3 for it is written1 ,thou
 shalt worship the ,lord thy ,god1 and  
him only shalt thou serve4 ,the ,devil  
deemed this conclusive1 and thereupon   
took his departure4  ,after ,john the   
,baptist was cast into prison1 ,jesus   
went to reside in ,capernaum1 and there 
commenced to preach from ,john's        
text--,repent1 for the kingdom of heaven
 is at hand4 ,at the outset of his      
public career he was a copyist1 and he  
remained so to the end of his life4 ,he 
simply repeated other men's sayings1 or 
elaborated the traditions and prophecies
 which were so prevalent among the ,jews
 of his day4 ,this kingdom of heaven did
 not mean something in another world    
somewhere in the clouds1 but simply a   

new order of things here1 and that more 
especially among the ,jews4 ,at times1  
it must be confessed1 it is difficult to
 understand what it meant if not an     
improved mental state1 and not a        
material kingdom at all4 ,jesus belonged
 to the working class1 and his followers
 were of the lower orders1 and he       
constantly preached against riches1     
which was very popular4 ,his followers  
now appreciate his sublime example so   
much1 that they get rich as fast as they
 can1 especially the successors of the  
,apostles1 who are content if they can  
only get princely incomes1 and a palace 
wherein to lay their heads6  ,jesus     
wanted followers1 so he walked out by   
the sea of ,galilee1 and saw ,peter and 
,andrew casting their nets4 ,if they had
 been only fishing for small fry1 he    
could not have more contemptuously      
addressed them4 ,and he said unto them1 
,follow me1 and ,i will make you fishers
 of men4 ,and they straightway left     
their nets and followed him4 ,a curious 

phenomenon strikes one here4 ,peter and 
,andrew have never seen ,jesus before2  
he does not tell them who he is2 he     
explains no principles to them by which 
to enlist their sympathies and awaken   
conviction--he merely says1 follow me1  
and ,i will make you fishers of men1 and
 in prospect of that delightful         
occupation they abandon their home and  
calling to accompany a stranger on a    
doubtful mission1 ,whatever fish may    
have come to their net afterwards1 they 
certainly could never have caught two   
greater flat-fish than themselves4 ,a   
more striking instance of blind         
following is not to be found upon       
record4 ,peter afterwards became the    
greatest fanatic of all the ,disciples1 
and caused his ,master some trouble     
through his excess of zeal4 ,and this is
 the man to whom are entrusted the keys 
of heaven4 ,no wonder the ignorant      
fanatics find a ready admission1 whilst 
sensible people are excluded4 ,and he   
too is the great predecessor of the     

,pope of ,rome1 the head of a ,church   
which preaches the efficacy of saints'  
relics1 the liquefaction of blood1 and  
the truth of winking virgins4           
,fanaticism was at the foundation1 and  
delusion and ignorance very naturally   
result4 ,others followed ,jesus1        
forsaking their nets and their parents1 
and they went about all ,galilee1 ,jesus
 preaching and curing all sorts of      
disease and sickness--and curious indeed
 were some of his cures1 such as are not
 mentioned in any modern pharmacopoeia4 
,having vanquished great ,satan himself 
on three occasions1 the minor devils had
 no chance with him1 and woe betide all 
who came before him inhabiting human    
beings4 ,all these cures were performed 
that a prophecy might be fulfilled1     
which was spoken by ,esaias the prophet1
 saying-1 ,himself took our infirmities1
 and bare our sicknesses4 ,but then he  
did nothing of the kind4 ,and so that   
prophecy was fulfilled6 ,to cure a      
disease is not to take it upon          

ourselves2 if it were1 the ,royal       
,college of ,surgeons would soon become 
an institution of the past4 ,you might  
love your neighbour as yourself1 but to 
be expected to have the measles tor him1
 would cool the warmest friendship4     
,one style of cure ,jesus had which may 
have been very efficacious1 but it      
certainly was not delicate4 ,once a deaf
 man1 who had an impediment in his      
speech1 was brought to him to be healed4
 ,jesus took him aside from the         
multitude1 and put his fingers into his 
ears1 and spat and touched his tongue4  
,and a blind man was brought to him1    
whom he took by the hand and led out of 
the town2 and when he had spit on his   
eyes1 and put his hands on him1 asked   
him if he saw aught ,and the man was    
restored to sight ,this kind of         
lubrication could scarcely be deemed    
pleasant4  ,neither do we find an       
incentive to cleanliness in this1 for we
 are told1 as he spake1 a certain       
,pharisee besought him to dine with him2

 and he went in1 and sat down to meat   
,and when the ,pharisee saw it1 he      
mar-yelled that he had not first washed 
before dinner4 ,and the ,lord said onto 
him1 ,now do ye ,pharisees make clean   
the outside of the cup and the platter2 
but your inward part is full of ravening
 wickedness4 ,ye fools1 did not he that 
made that which is without1 make that   
which it within also8 ,this may be very 
true1 but it is also very dirty2 and    
though it may satisfy the ,son of ,god1 
would not be an excuse for any man who  
wished to be considered decent4  ,the   
fame of ,jesus spread rapidly1 and great
 multitudes flocked to hear him4 ,one   
day he went up into a mountain1 and     
addressed the people1 but his discourse 
was of rather an extravagant            
description4 ,as we understand matters  
in these days1 what is the amount of    
truth contained in the following        
sentences8--  ,blessed are the poor in  
spirit3 for theirs is the kingdom of    
heaven4  ,blessed art they that mourn3  

for they shall be comforted4  ,blessed  
are the meek3 for they shall inherit the
 earth4  ,blessed an the merciful3 for  
they shall obtain mercy4  ,blessed are  
the pure in heart for they shall see    
,god4  ,blessed are the peacemakers3 for
 they shall be called the children of   
,god4  ,blessed are they which are      
persecuted for righteousness' sake3 for 
theirs is the kingdom of heaven4        
,blessed are ye1 when men shall revile  
you1 and persecute you1 and shall say   
all manner of evil against you falsely1 
for my sake4  ,this kingdom of heaven is
 past all comprehension4 ,the poor in   
spirit have it1 and the persecuted for  
righteousness' sake have it2 and if     
these are the penalties to be paid for  
its possession1 it is not worth the     
winning4 ,then is it possible or proper 
for any one to act in this way3--,if thy
 right eye offend thee1 pluck it out2 if
 thy right hand offend thee1 cut it off8
 ,who in his senses would think of doing
 so8 ,who would stand by and allow      

others to do it8 ,and who lives         
according to this ,christian principle1 
and who follows this precept3--,resist  
not evil2 but whosoever shall smite thee
 on thy right cheek1 turn to him the    
other also8 ,in the first place1 it is  
grossly immoral not to resist evil2 and 
in the second1 all the world repudiates 
the doctrine of non-resistance under    
such circumstances4 ,if any one smites  
us on the right cheek1 do we not quickly
 turn and hit him on the left8 ,it is a 
natural instinct1 and to act otherwise  
is cowardice4 ,do the proceedings of our
 law courts furnish many instances of   
the adoption of this                    
recommendation3--,and if any man will   
sue thee at the law1 and take away thy  
coat1 let him have thy cloak also8 ,one 
half humanity would very soon be        
stripped by the other half4 ,and whoever
 shall compel thee to go a mile1 go with
 him twain4 ,give to him that asketh    
thee1 and from him that would borrow of 
thee turn not thou away4 ,no one with   

any spirit or power of resistance would 
think of submitting to the compulsion of
 walking a mile with a person1 much less
 of going two in the company of one     
whose society might be a nuisance4 ,and 
if we are to give to every one that     
asketh1 what are our vagrancy laws but a
 flagrant violation of ,christianity8   
,the injunction is here given without   
the slightest qualification1 and is an  
encouragement to mendicancy the world   
over4  ,there are one or two precepts   
specially binding on ,christians of the 
present day6 ,this1 for instance1 is    
very much obeyed3--,and when thou       
prayest1 thou shalt not be as the       
hypocrites are2 for they love to pray   
standing in the synagogues1 and in the  
corners of the streets1 that they may be
 seen of men4 ,this1 we know1 is        
universally observed by the followers of
 ,jesus4 ,it is obeyed by the ordained  
minister in his canonicals2 the         
,primitive in his whitewashed           
tabernacle2 the ,methodist in his tub2  

the ,revivalists in their delirious and 
epileptic gatherings2 the ,ranters in   
their camp meetings1 and howling        
peregrinations through our country towns
 and villages2 and above all1 those     
highly gifted young men belonging to the
 ,town ,mission1 who render the night   
hideous by their insane ravings at the  
corners of the streets and in the paths 
of public places4 ,it is consoling to   
find the salt of the earth such         
consistent followers of their great     
,master4 ,it is because they are the    
salt of the earth1 that the world has   
got into such a precious pickle4        
,bishops especially1 and pluralists in  
particular1 nurse in their hearts this  
saying3 ,lay not up for yourselves      
treasures upon earth4 ,no1 poor men1    
they think too much about their heavenly
 ,father6 ,a few thousand6 a year are   
quite sufficient for them4 ,and         
,christian bankers and millionaires     
equally regard the injunction4  ,this is
 a ,christian country1 and we are a     

,christian people1 and our various      
provident and benefit societies and     
savings' banks tell how we esteem this  
command3 ,take no thought for the       
morrow1 saying1 ,what shall we eat8 or1 
what shall we drink8 or1 wherewithal    
shall we be clothed8 ,we don't think of 
the morrow merely1 but of years to come1
 and he who is the most careful in      
providing for the future1 is most       
honoured amongst men4  ,now all these   
impracticable and extravagant commands  
are taken from the much-vaunted ,sermon 
on the ,mount1 and ,jesus said1         
whosoever heard them1 and obeyed them1  
he would liken unto a wise man2 but     
whosoever obeyed them not1 he would     
liken unto a foolish man4 ,it may be an 
honour to be deemed foolish in such a   
case2 but what shall we say of the      
professing ,christian1 who considers    
himself so much superior to the         
,freethinker1 and who boasts of his     
principles being the checks which keep  
him moral1 and says that if it had not  

been for his blessed ,saviour the world 
would have been lost8 ,why1 out of the  
mouth of ,jesus himself he is proved to 
be a hypocrite and foolish1 for he does 
what is solemnly condemned1 and leaves  
undone what is strictly enjoined4 ,and  
it came to pass1 when ,jesus had ended  
these sayings1 the people were          
astonished at his doctrine4 ,and can any
 rational inquirer be astonished at     
that8 ,on reading over these ,gospels   
calmly1 and seeing what are attributed  
to ,jesus as his sayings and doings1 one
 is amazed at the credulity of the world
 in allowing such a stupendous delusion 
as the ,christian religion to be palmed 
upon it as something divine derived     
direct from ,deity4  ,after this        
startling sermon1 great multitudes      
followed ,jesus1 and wherever he went he
 healed the sick and performed miracles1
 but he generally enjoined the          
convalescents not to mention to any one 
what he had done4 ,the reason for this  
is not given1 but if one may make a     

conjecture1 it was either because he had
 really worked no cure at all1 or else  
he was afraid of having too many demands
 made upon his time4 ,we are told that  
when ,jesus saw great multitudes about  
him1 he gave commandment to depart unto 
the other side of the water1 that he    
might get away from them4 ,before he    
departed1 a disciple said unto him1     
,lord1 suffer me first to go and bury my
 father4 ,but ,jesus said unto him1     
,follow me1 and let the dead bury their 
dead4 ,is this an instance of meekness8 
,when on board the ship1 a great storm  
came on1 and the sailors were afraid of 
being wrecked4 ,so they awoke ,jesus1   
telling him of their danger4 ,he first  
chided them1 and then scolded the winds 
and the waves1 which at once subsided4  
,when he was come to the other side1    
into the country of the ,gergesenes1 he 
was met by two men possessed with       
devils1 who asked him if he had come to 
torment them before their time8 ,and    
singular to say1 the devils also1 from  

the interior1 entered into conversation 
with ,jesus1 asking as a favour1 that if
 they were cast out1 they might be      
allowed to go into a herd of swine which
 were feeding some distance off4 ,why   
they should choose such an abode is not 
apparent2 but having permission to go1  
they at once entered into possession1   
much to the astonishment of the poor    
porkies1 who took fright and ran        
violently down a steep hill into the    
sea1 and all1 to the number of #b1jjj1  
perished in the waters4 ,o unhappy pigs6
 ,o miserable devils6 the ,son of man1  
whom you had never injured1 worked your 
speedy destruction4 ,and1 behold1 the   
whole city came out to meet ,jesus2 and 
when they saw him1 they besought him    
that he would depart out of their       
coasts4 ,they had more desire to save   
their bacon than to see miracles worked 
at the expense of their pigs4 ,jesus    
entered into a ship and came over to his
 own city1 where a certain ruler came   
and worshipped him1 saying that his     

daughter was dead1 but making the       
request that she should be raised to    
life again4 ,when ,jesus entered the    
ruler's house1 he said1 ,give place1 for
 the maid is not dead1 but sleepeth4    
,and they laughed him to scorn4 ,but    
when the house was cleared he took the  
girl by the hand1 and the maid arose4   
,this was regarded as a miracle1 but it 
could not be1 because ,jesus said the   
girl only slept1 and it is not possible 
that a perfect ,god could tell an       
untruth4  ,after this ,jesus called     
together his twelve disciples1 and gave 
them instructions what to do4 ,he       
said3--,provide neither gold1 nor       
silver1 nor brass in your purses1 nor   
scrip for your journey1 neither two     
coats1 neither shoes1 nor yet staves2   
for the workman is worthy of his meat4  
,and into whatsoever city or town ye    
shall enter1 inquire who in it is       
worthy2 and there abide till ye go      
hence4 ,and when ye come into a house1  
salute it4 ,and if the house be worthy1 

let your peace come upon it2 but if it  
be not worthy1 let your peace return to 
you4 ,and whosoever shall not receive   
you1 nor hear your words1 when ye depart
 out of that house or city1 shake off   
the dust of your feet4 ,verily ,i say   
unto you1 ,it shall be more tolerable   
for the land of ,sodom and ,gomorrha in 
the day of judgment than for that city4 
,but it is doubtful if he meant the land
 of ,sodom and ,gomorrha1 or ,tyre and  
,sidon4 ,however1 though we may overlook
 this uncertainty1 we cannot the fact1  
that a threat of destroying cities is   
held out if his disciples are not       
received and fed by people upon whom    
they have not the slightest claim4 ,this
 advice would justify the order of      
',mendicant ,friars in their lazy habit 
of living upon all who are willing to   
support them4 ,he also added--,behold1  
,i send you forth as sheep in the midst 
of wolves3 be ye therefore wise as      
serpents1 and harmless as doves4 ,have  
not the ,jesuits carried out this       

advice8 ,and then he gave utterance to  
this painful truth to which the         
blood-stained pages of history can      
testify3--,think not that ,i am come to 
send peace on earth3 ,i came not to send
 peace1 but a sword4 ,for ,i am come to 
set a man at variance against his       
father1 and the daughter against her    
mother1 and the daughter-in-law against 
her mother-in-law4 ,and a man's foes    
shall be they of his own household4 ,he 
that loveth father or mother more than1 
me1 is not worthy of me2 and he that    
loveth son or daughter more than me1 is 
not worthy of me4 ,there has been no    
peace1 and there can be none1 in the    
world1 so long as the contradictory and 
impossible doctrines of ,jesus of       
,nazareth are taught as infallible      
truth4 ,house has been divided against  
house1 the father's hand lifted against 
the child1 and the mother's loving      
tenderness turned to bitterest hate1    
because of differences of opinion upon  
,christian dogmas4  ,while ,jesus was   

making one of his incoherent speeches1  
somebody told him that his mother and   
brothers were without1 desiring to speak
 with him4 ,but he answered and said    
unto him that told him1 ,who is my      
mother8 and who are my brethren8 ,and he
 stretched forth his hand toward his    
disciples1 and said1 ,behold my mother  
and my brethren4 ,there is here         
manifested a want of natural affection  
unbecoming any man1 and which justifies 
,m4 ,renan in saying1 notwithstanding   
his great reverence for ,jesus1 that he 
was more loved than loving4 ,there is   
scarcely a trace of affection throughout
 his life1 from his childhood to his    
death4 ,he was mystical and fanatical1  
like all who seek to set themselves up  
as inspired teachers4  ,one day ,jesus  
sat by the sea-side and talked to the   
people in parables4 ,he is answerable   
for the following3--,for whosoever hath 
to him shall be given1 and he shall have
 more abundance2 but whosoever hath not1
 from him shall be taken away even that 

he hath4 ,he says immediately after1 as 
a sort of apology1 ,therefore speak ,i  
to then in parables1 because they       
seeing1 see not2 and hearing1 they hear 
not1 neither do they understand4  ,it   
would be a miracle greater than that    
worked among the pigs1 if anyone did    
understand4 ,this sort of talk must have
 been indulged in for amusement--it     
could not have had any serious purport1 
or if it had1 it is too profound to be  
understood4  ,when ,jesus learnt the    
execution of ,john the ,baptist1 he     
departed into a desert place1 but the   
multitude heard of him1 and followed him
 out of the cities4 ,and when evening   
came1 the disciples asked him to send   
the multitude away1 that they might go  
into the villages and buy themselves    
victuals4 ,we do not usually find       
villages in desert places2 but that was 
quite as possible in this case as what  
followed4 ,jesus said they need not go1 
and told the disciples to give to the   
people to eat4 ,they said1 ,we have here

 but five loaves and two fishes4 ,he    
said1 ,bring them hither to me4 ,and    
then looking up to heaven1 he blessed   
and brake1 and distributed to the       
multitude4 ,now out of this very small  
commissariat1 about five thousand men1  
besides women and children1 ate and were
 filled1 and left twelve baskets full of
 fragments at the end of the feast4 ,all
 we can deplore is1 that the age of     
miracles is past4 ,if anyone could do   
this now1 what a number of attached     
followers be would have1 no matter what 
his speculative opinions might be4 ,he  
might believe in the eternity of        
punishments2 in three ,gods in one1 or  
one in three2 in election1              
predestination1 or transmigration of    
souls--in short1 in anything or nothing2
 if he could only feed his flock by     
casting his eyes up to heaven1 he would 
soon empty all the churches and chapels 
in the kingdom4 ,as ,renan very         
powerfully points out1 no miracle ever  
yet took place under scientific         

conditions2 and till one of this        
description is wrought under such       
conditions1 we must be allowed to       
suspend our judgment4 ,we do not say it 
did not take place1 but we don't believe
 it4 ,it is true it does not say what   
kind of fishes the two were which served
 to fill five thousand men1 besides     
women and children1 who probably ran the
 number up to eight thousand4 ,perhaps  
the fishes were whales1 as the whole    
story is so very like a whale that any  
suggested solution of the astounding    
tale is legitimate4 ,this miracle was   
once discussed by a society in ,chicago1
 and the 'cute ,american intellect found
 a key to the mystery1 for they         
resolved--,that the multitude must      
certainly have made their repast off    
multiplication tables6  ,after this     
stupendous feat1 ,jesus constrained his 
disciples to get into the ship and go   
across the water1 whilst he remained    
behind to get rid of his well fed       
friends4 ,and when night came1 the ship 

was tossed by the storm4 ,and in the    
fourth watch ,jesus went unto them      
walking on the sea4 ,when his disciples 
saw him they said he was a spirit1 and  
cried out for fear4 ,but ,jesus said1   
,be of good cheer2 it is ,i2 be not     
afraid4 ,then the enthusiastic ,peter   
said1 ,lord1 if it be thou1 bid me come 
unto thee on the water4 ,jesus said1    
,come2 to which ,peter responded by     
stepping out of the ship2 but he could  
not float1 and began to sink rapidly1   
and would have perished if his master   
had not put out his hand and saved him4 
,if this system of aquatic locomotion   
could be instituted now1 it would       
supersede all lifeboats4 ,but we have   
little faith in these days of scientific
 facts1 and it requires an immense      
amount of that commodity to be able to  
attempt even what was said to have been 
accomplished by the founders of our     
national religion4  ,jesus did not      
confine his creative abilities to the   
solid comforts of life1 but exercised   

them upon the liquid luxuries of        
existence4 ,being invited to a wedding1 
and there being no wine1 his mother1    
with a woman's natural solicitude on    
such an occasion1 said to him1 ,they    
have no wine4 ,jesus saith unto her1    
,woman1 what have ,i to do with thee8   
mine hour is not yet come4 ,now1 what   
such a churlish answer had to do with   
the simple remark made by his mother1 we
 leave to gentle ,christians to say4    
,however1 after a time he became more   
amiable2 and1 no doubt1 reflecting upon 
the disappointment of those who had come
 to a marriage feast1 and found nothing 
but water to drink1 he took compassion  
on them1 and turned the water into wine1
 to the extent of six water pots1       
containing two or three firkins apiece4 
,this beginning of miracles did ,jesus  
in ,cana of ,galilee1 and manifested    
forth his glory2 and his disciples      
believed on him4 ,well they might2 and  
we fear that any man in these days who  
should do such things1 would have many  

followers1 in spite of all the preaching
 of all the teetotallers1 who1 strange  
to say1 for the most part profess to be 
good ,christians1 notwithstanding that  
,christ1 when he had the opportunity of 
rebuking wine bibbing1 did not do so1   
but encouraged it by supplying the very 
beverage which teetotallers so          
vehemently condemn4  ,when ,jesus came  
into the coasts of ,caesarea ,philippi1 
he asked his disciples1 saying1 ,whom do
 men say that ,i the ,son of ,man am8   
,he was anxious to know what people     
thought of him now that he was become so
 famous4 ,and they said1 ,some say that 
thou art ,john the ,baptist2 some1      
,elias2 and others1 ,jeremias1 or one of
 the prophets4 ,he saith unto them1 ,but
 whom say ye that ,i am8 ,of course     
,peter was ready to crown all1 and he   
said--,thou art the ,christ1 the son of 
the living ,god4 ,for which ,jesus      
blessed ,peter1 and promised him the    
keys of the kingdom of heaven2 but they 
soon fell to quarrelling1 when ,jesus   

said that he must go unto ,jerusalem1   
and suffer many things1 and be killed1  
and be raised again the third day4      
,peter rebuked him1 and said it should  
not be2 but ,jesus turned upon him1 and 
said1 ,get thee behind me1 ,satan3 thou 
art an offence unto me4 ,it was not very
 dignified or in good taste after ,peter
 had imparted such an important fact to 
him1 which was done by a revelation of  
his ,father which is in heaven44 ,but   
such was the manner of ,jesus4  ,when he
 left ,galilee1 and came into ,judaea1  
he resolved to go to ,jerusalem2 and    
when he was come to the ,mount of       
,olives1 he sent two of his disciples to
 a village on a very questionable       
errand4 ,it was to perform no less an   
act than the appropriation of a donkey  
and her colt4 ,he told them that1 if any
 one said aught unto them1 they were to 
say1 ,the ,lord hath need of them4 ,that
 kind of answer would scarcely be deemed
 satisfactory in these days1 especially 
to a policeman4 ,he would very likely   

reply1 ,if the ,lord hath need of the   
ass1 the magistrate hath need of thee2  
and if the instigator of the deed were  
not the actual thief1 he would be       
charged as an accessory before the fact1
 and would be provided with board and   
lodging at the expense of the county for
 at least twelve months4 ,this was done 
that another prophecy might be          
fulfilled1 which said1 ,tell ye the     
daughter of ,sion1 ,behold1 thy king    
cometh unto thee1 meek1 and sitting upon
 an ass1 and a colt the foal of an ass4 
,but this prophet must have been an ass1
 or he would have known that even the   
,son of man would find it difficult to  
sit upon two asses of such unequal size 
at the same time4 ,apart from the       
absurdity of the story1 it is an example
 of very loose notions indeed of the    
rights of property1 which1 if stated of 
,mahomet1 of ,joseph ,smith the ,mormon1
 or any other founder of a religious    
sect1 would be quoted as a proof of his 
obliquity of moral vision4 ,after this  

successful exploit of taking unto       
himself other people's goods1 ,jesus    
became quite daring2 and when he got to 
,jerusalem he went into the temple of   
,god1 where he found a number of people 
carrying on their usual business4 ,he   
had no more right there than they       
had--in fact1 not so much1 as he was a  
stranger to the city4 ,but1             
notwithstanding this1 he got a rope1 and
 thrashed every one out of the place1   
upsetting the tables and chairs1 and    
creating such a consternation as only a 
,bedlamite broken loose would be likely 
to produce4 ,though this was immediately
 after the appropriation of the two     
donkeys1 upon which he had actually     
ridden to the temple1 he called all the 
tradespeople dishonest1 and accused them
 of having turned the place into a den  
of thieves4 ,whatever it might have been
 before he came1 certainly one would    
think the designation not inappropriate 
after the arrival of himself and his    
disciples4 ,he was not arrested on the  

spot for this act of assault and        
battery2 but what should we think of the
 ,city ,police ,commissioner if he      
neglected to order into custody any mad 
enthusiast who might so conduct himself 
on the ,stock ,exchange8 ,but he would  
not1 and the enthusiast's vagaries and  
his visit to the police cell would be a 
very little time apart4 ,it would be no 
use his alleging that he was about his  
,father's business1 and that he was     
fulfilling prophecy--that would only    
aggravate the offence4 ,he would be told
 that if his father did not take better 
care of him1 the county asylum would2   
and the prophet would very soon be      
wanted who had instigated such folly4   
,jesus did not remain in the city during
 the night--it was not prudent after    
such an advent in the morning1 but he   
went and lodged in ,bethany1 a little   
way out of town4 ,in returning next     
morning he was hungry1 so1 when he came 
to a fig-tree1 he looked at it hoping to
 find some fruit on it1 but there was   

none1 as it was not the right season4   
,we should forgive an excited hungry man
 here if he1 in a moment of             
forgetfulness1 looked for apples in     
winter2 but if he began to curse the    
tree for not bearing fruit out of       
season1 we should think he was mad past 
doubt4 ,yet this is exactly what ,jesus 
did2 and not only so1 but he withered   
the tree that it should not bear fruit  
thenceforward forever4 ,his disciples   
marvelled at what he had done1 as well  
they might4 ,jesus answered and said    
unto them1 ,verily ,i say unto you1 ,if 
ye have faith1 and doubt not1 ye shall  
not only do this which is done to the   
fig tree1 but also if ye shall say unto 
this mountain1 ,be thou removed1 and be 
thou cast into the sea2 it shall be     
done4 ,and all things1 whatsoever ye    
shall ask in prayer1 believing1 ye shall
 receive4 ,no persons have ever yet had 
the requisite amount of faith to remove 
mountains2 and the less they try such   
credulity on fruit trees1 the better for

 our orchards4 ,nobody does or can      
believe such insane talk4 ,jesus went to
 the temple again1 and whilst he was    
preaching1 the ,chief ,priests and      
elders came and asked him by what       
authority he did such things4 ,in true  
,quaker style he answered them by asking
 a question1 which had the merit of     
being impossible of solution4 ,he       
said--,the baptism of ,john1 whence was 
it8 from heaven1 or of men8 ,they said3 
,we cannot tell4 ,and he said unto them1
 ,neither tell ,i you by what authority 
,i do these things4 ,that seemed to     
silence his interrogators1 but it did   
not answer them4 ,it was a favourite way
 with this ,messiah2 and we remain as   
much in the dark to this hour as did the
 ,chief ,priests and elders4 ,this      
method of evasion is also exemplified in
 the case of the tribute money4 ,when   
asked whether it was lawful to render   
tribute unto ,caesar1 he said1 looking  
at a coin1 ,whose is this image and     
superscription8 ,they said1 ,caesar's4  

,then saith he unto them1 ,render       
therefore unto ,caesar the things which 
are ,caesar's1 and unto ,god the things 
that are ,god's4 ,renan says on this    
point--,to establish as a principle that
 we must recognise the legitimacy of a  
power by the inscription on its coins1  
to proclaim that the perfect man pays   
tribute with scorn1 and without         
question1 was to destroy ,republicanism 
in the ancient form1 and to favour all  
tyranny4 ,christianity1 in this sense1  
has contributed much to weaken the sense
 of duty of the citizen1 and to deliver 
the world into the absolute power of    
existing circumstances4 ,but we are not 
surprised that he should so readily     
teach the payment of tribute1           
considering how easy he found it to pay 
tribute himself2 for the ludicrous      
account given in ,matthew1 in the same  
chapter which describes the             
transfiguration1 shows ,jesus           
discharging his own liability and that  
of ,peter in the most original manner   

imaginable4 ,not wishing to offend the  
tax collectors1 he said to ,peter--,go  
thou to the sea1 and cast an hook1 and  
take up the fish that first cometh up2  
and when thou hast opened his mouth1    
thou shalt find a piece of money3 take  
that1 and give unto them for me and     
thee4 ,if fish of this description swam 
in rivers now1 they would be preserved  
to the exclusion of the most delicious  
members of the finny tribe4 ,every man  
would be an angler1 and fishing-tackle  
making would be the most lucrative trade
 known4 ,take another instance of       
evasion4 ,the ,sadducees did not believe
 in the resurrection1 so they put a     
question to ,jesus on that point4 ,they 
instanced a woman who had been married  
to seven brothers in succession1 all of 
whom had died4 ,therefore1 in the       
resurrection1 they asked whose wife she 
would be out of the seven when they met 
again4 ,this was quickly disposed of1   
for ,jesus answered and said onto them1 
,ye do err1 not knowing the ,scriptures1

 nor the power of ,god4 ,for ,in the    
resurrection they neither marry nor are 
given in marriage1 but are as the angels
 of ,god in heaven4 ,if this is so1 what
 becomes of the hope which believers in 
immortality have that in heaven they    
will be joined again to those they have 
lost on earth8 ,this great consolation  
of the ,christian is founded on a       
delusion4 ,jesus also supplemented his  
statement with this remarkable          
declaration1 ,but as touching the       
resurrection of the dead1 have ye not   
read that which was spoken unto you by  
,god1 saying1 ,i am the ,god of         
,abraham1 and the ,god of ,isaac1 and   
the ,god of ,jacob8 ,god is not the ,god
 of the dead1 but of the living1 ,what  
then is the use of ,catholic prayers for
 the souls of those in ,purgatory8 ,what
 is the utility of our burial service1  
which goes upon the supposition that    
,god will attend to our requests as     
touching the dead we are about to       
consign to the grave8 ,freethinkers and 

rational thinkers discard the whole     
ceremony as a mockery4 ,when once dead1 
the particles which composed our bodies 
are dissolved1 and pass into new        
combinations--we never live again4      
,after he had done all his preaching1   
and had thoroughly aroused the ire of   
the authorities and most of the people  
of ,jerusalem against him1 he began to  
fear that he would have to suffer for   
it1 and he told his disciples so4 ,after
 they had supped together in the house  
of one of the friends1 they departed to 
the ,mount of ,olives outside the city1 
and ,jesus said they would all be       
offended with him because of that night4
 ,peter the loquacious declared1 that   
though all men might be offended because
 of him1 he would never be4 ,jesus had  
no great opinion of ,peter's            
steadfastness1 and told him1            
notwithstanding his protestations of    
attachment1 that before the cock crew he
 would deny him thrice4 ,peter          
asseverated again3 ,though ,i should die

 with ye1 yet will ,i not deny thee4    
,poor ,peter's word1 like his judgment1 
however1 was not to be relied upon1 for 
the very next day he denied all         
knowledge of ,jesus1 and when pressed   
for an answer1 he began to curse and to 
swear that he had never seen him4 ,soon 
after this the ,garden of ,gethsemane1  
into which they had entered2 was        
surrounded by a multitude with staves   
and with swords1 and ,jesus was         
arrested1 ,peter the dauntless did make 
some resistance1 and cut off the ear of 
,malchus1 a servant of the ,high        
,priest2 but the loss was only          
temporary1 for we are told that ,jesus  
immediately touched his ear1 and healed 
him1 and if this does not mean that he  
stuck the ear on again1 what does it    
mean8 ,when ,jesus was arrested in the  
,garden1 all the disciples1 escaped as  
quickly as possible1 but ,peter followed
 at a distance2 and when ,jesus was     
taken to the house of ,caiaphas the     
,high ,priest1 ,peter entered and mixed 

with the servants4 ,he was soon         
recognised as a follower of ,jesus2 but 
when accused of the fact1 he stoutly    
denied it three times1 the last with    
oaths1 like the low-bred man he was2 for
 though he had been consorting with     
,jesus a long time1 he had not learnt   
refinement of manners1 which is not     
wonderful1 as ,jesus certainly did not  
set an example of choiceness of         
language1 his favourite mode of speech  
being to call people fools1 and to      
launch curses at them4 ,but ,peter had  
to fulfil a prophecy--namely1 that he   
would deny his master thrice1 before the
 cock crew twice1 which he did before   
the cock crew once4 ,and so that        
prophecy was fulfilled6  ,when ,jesus   
was first examined on the charge of     
blasphemy he remained silent1 and would 
not answer any questions put to him4    
,then ,caiaphas said--,i adjure thee by 
the living ,god that thou tell us       
whether thou be ,christ1 the ,son of    
,god4 ,jesus at last replied--,thou hast

 said1 which may fairly be interpreted  
to mean1 ,you say ,i am1 not ,i4 ,this  
is in keeping with his usual evasive    
mode of answering1 as before pointed    
out4 ,especially as he                  
continued--,nevertheless ,i say unto    
you1 ,hereafter shall ye see the ,son of
 man sitting on the right hand of power1
 and coming in the clouds of heaven4    
,this was declared blasphemous1 and we  
know how excited bigoted people get when
 that word is pronounced4 ,so they      
struck the enthusiast1 as he had struck 
others in the temple4 ,in the morning he
 was bound and led before ,pilate the   
governor1 who asked him1 ,art thou the  
king of the ,jews8 ,he again answered1  
,thou sayest ,and when the ,chief       
,priests and elders repeated their      
charges1 he still refused to answer     
them1 which surprised ,pilate4 ,however1
 ,pilate saw no harm in what he had     
done1 and was anxious to set him at     
liberty2 but the priests1 as is usual   
with them1 persisted in their demands of

 vengeance against one who had offended 
them4 ,then ,jesus was delivered over to
 the soldiers to be crucified1 which was
 a very barbarous mode of execution4 ,he
 was cruelly treated by the soldiers1   
who were incited thereto by the priests4
 ,he died the death of a malefactor1 but
 his end was brought about by his own   
wild and extravagant conduct4 ,in these 
days he would have been confined as a   
lunatic1 but in that barbarous time1 and
 under the influence of priests1 he was 
tortured to death4 ,no one can          
contemplate his fate1 whatever his      
faults may have been1 without feelings  
of sorrow4 ,but if his death was to     
fulfil prophecy1 and to save a lost and 
ruined world1 we ought to regard it with
 exultation and great joy1 and not only 
observe ,good ,friday as a national     
holiday1 but every ,friday as a public  
festival4 ,but who1 on calmly reading   
the narrative1 and dismissing from his  
mind the fables taught him in his       
childhood1 can see anything supernatural

 in ,jesus' life and death8 ,he         
displayed through life all the          
infirmities and littlenesses of a man1  
and he died like one who had brought    
about his own death by his own acts4    
,when on the cross1 and no doubt in     
mortal agony1 he exclaimed1 in the      
utterness of despair1 like one who had  
long trusted to a delusion1 and when too
 late had found out his mistake--,my    
,god1 my ,god1 why hast thou forsaken   
me8 ,the ,chief ,priests and elders1 the
 people about1 and even the two thieves 
who were dying with him1 jeered him for 
his folly1 saying1 ,he trusted in ,god2 
let him deliver him now1 if he will have
 him3 for he said1 ,i am the ,son of    
,god4 ,but there was no deliverance from
 heaven for him more than for any other 
man4  ,jesus had acted so extravagantly 
from the time he entered on public life 
that it is not surprising that his      
followers were infected by his example1 
and it is to them we are indebted for   
the re-appearance of ,jesus after he was

 dead and buried4 ,he himself said that 
he was to fulfil the prophecy of ,jonas1
 for1 as he was three days and three    
nights in the belly of the whale1 so    
should the ,son of man be three days and
 three nights in the heart of the earth4
 ,yet he never went into the heart of   
the earth1 but was laid in a tomb or    
cave with a door to it2 and he was not  
even there three days and three nights1 
but only two nights1 and not two days   
altogether4 ,and so that prophecy was   
fulfilled6 ,jesus prophesied his own    
resurrection only1 but the earthquake   
which followed his death was no         
respecter of persons1 for when the veil 
of the temple was rent in twain from the
 top to the bottom1 and the earth did   
quake1 and the rocks were rent1 the     
graves were opened1 and many bodies of  
the saints which slept arose1 and came  
out of the graves after his             
resurrection1 and went into the holy    
city1 and appeared unto many4 ,no       
orthodox1 ,christians doubt for a moment

 that ,jesus rose again from the dead1  
because he was to do so1 and he was the 
,son of ,god2 but do they believe these 
unknown saints revisited the glimpses of
 the moon1 and experienced a            
resurrection equal to that of ,jesus1   
for no purpose at all1 and for no merit 
of their own8 ,yet we have no more      
authority for the one than the other1   
and no reason to believe one more than  
the other4 ,toward the end of the       
,sabbath 7that is1 ,saturday evening7   
came ,mary ,magdalene1 with the other   
,mary1 to see the sepulchre where ,jesus
 was laid1 and another earthquake took  
place1 and the angel of the ,lord       
descended from heaven1 and came and     
rolled back the stone from the door1 and
 sat upon it4 ,his countenance was like 
lightning1 and his raiment like snow4   
,he told the women that ,jesus had      
risen1 and asked them to see the place  
where the ,lord lay4 ,but whether they  
looked or not we are not told1 but they 
ran away with fear and great joy to tell

 the disciples4 ,and as they went1 whom 
should they meet but ,jesus himself1 who
 said to them1 ,all hail4 ,but then     
there is some little confusion in this  
infallible narrative4 ,it was not       
towards the end of ,saturday1 but very  
early in the morning of ,sunday1 at the 
rising of the sun1 that the women came1 
and for the purpose of anointing the    
body4 ,and the stone was still against  
the door1 and they said1 ,who shall roll
 us away the stone8 ,but when they      
looked again the stone was away1 and on 
entering the sepulchre they saw a young 
man dressed in white sitting inside1 and
 no angel with a lightning face sitting 
outside4 ,the women fled with terror1   
but told no man what they had seen2 and 
it isa mystery to this day how that     
which was never told to any one is known
 to nearly all the world4 ,jesus did not
 meet the two ,marys1 but appeared first
 to ,mary ,magdalene1 out of whom he had
 cast seven devils4 ,she went and told  
the disciples about the resurrection1   

but they believed her not4 ,he appeared 
afterwards to two of his disciples1 but 
they did not believe in his             
resurrection1 neither did the eleven    
disciples1 to whom he appeared4 ,if they
 who knew him intimately did not believe
 in it after only three days' absence   
from them1 shall we1 after a lapse of   
eighteen hundred years1 put faith in    
this clumsy1 impossible1 and absurd     
fable8 ,but perhaps the condition he    
attached to the belief may have         
something to do with the faith of so    
many people in these days4 ,he said1    
after upbraiding his disciples for their
 unbelief and hardness of heart--,he    
that believeth and is baptised shall be 
saved2 but he that believeth not shall  
be damned4 ,that threat1 fulminated from
 thousands of pulpits1 has frightened   
timid and weak people in nearly every   
age of the ,christian era4 ,but then    
again there were not two women but many 
who went to the sepulchre1 and they     
found the stone away2 and when they     

entered they saw two men in shining     
garments1 and the women did not conceal 
what they had seen1 but went and told   
all the disciples1 but they were not    
believed4 ,this time the lively ,peter  
ran to the tomb to look for himself1 and
 saw nothing but the linen clothes lying
 by themselves4 ,after that two of the  
disciples went to ,emmana1 where ,jesus 
himself joined them1 but they knew him  
not1 and did not believe the story of   
his resurrection4 ,he then rebuked them 
in his usual sweet and placid style1 by 
exclaiming1 ,o fools1 and slow of heart1
 and beginning at ,moses and all the    
prophets1 he expounded unto them in all 
the ,scriptures the things concerning   
himself1 which must have been a         
tolerably long discourse for one so     
recently out of the grave4 ,they asked  
him to stop with them and have something
 to eat1 which1 his appetite being as   
good as ever1 he consented to do2 and it
 was his mode of breaking bread and     
blessing it that convinced them that he 

was ,jesus4 ,and he then vanished out of
 their sight4 ,they went to ,jerusalem  
and told the others what they had seen1 
and while they were talking ,jesus stood
 in the midst of them2 but they did not 
know him again1 but took him to be a    
spirit4 ,he said--,behold my hands and  
my feet1 that it is myself2 for a spirit
 hath not flesh and bones as ye see me  
have4 ,and while they yet believed not  
for joy and wondered1 he said unto them1
 ,have ye here any meat8 ,he was again  
hungry1 and they gave him a piece of    
broiled fish and a honeycomb4 ,and he   
took it1 and did eat before them4 ,that 
was enough to convince them a second    
time4 ,and he led them out as far as    
,bethany1 and he lifted up his hands and
 blessed them4 ,and it came to pass1    
while he blessed them1 he was parted    
from them1 and carried up into heaven1  
with the broiled fish on his stomach1   
where he entered into joy everlasting4  
,the foregoing will certainly be        
declared blasphemous by all true        

believers1 and will no doubt be         
pronounced a caricature of ,jesus by    
even ,unitarians4 ,but the fault does   
not lie with us--it is in the text1     
which we did not make4 ,we are not      
responsible for the representation1 for 
we have scrupulously followed the       
inspired delineations of the            
,evangelists4 ,let us briefly sum up    
this biography4  ,jesus was the ,son of 
,god1 and not the son of his mother's   
husband1 and his mother remained a      
virgin notwithstanding his conception   
and birth1 although she strangely       
offered the usual sacrifice when the    
days of her purification were           
accomplished4  ,he was descended from   
the royal line of ,david1 that is1      
,joseph the husband of his mother was so
 descended2 but then ,joseph was not his
 father at all4  ,the miraculous boy was
 to fulfil many prophecies2 but although
 he often purposely acted in order to   
fulfil them1 several given as           
illustrations are singularly wide of the

 mark4  ,at twelve years of age he was a
 match for learned doctors in           
disputation1 and could pertly rebuke his
 mother for inquiring where he had been 
for three days and three nights4  ,he   
was baptised at thirty by ,john1 who    
taught him rudeness of manners2 and     
though a dove descended direct from     
heaven1 and alighted on his head1 he was
 immediately taken by the spirit into   
very dangerous places1 was kept a       
remarkably long time without food1 and  
was very strangely tempted by the ,devil
 in person4  ,he became a great talker1 
dealt largely in mystical language1 and 
gathered followers from the poorest1    
most ignorant1 and most credulous of his
 countrymen4  ,he cured all sorts of    
diseases and afflictions1 though there  
is no evidence that he ever underwent a 
medical training4  ,he worked miracles1 
as became an ,eastern founder of a sect1
 but his achievements scarcely rank as  
high as the tricks of an ,indian        
juggler4  ,he was uneducated1 and never1

 so far as the record goes1 wrote a line
 in his life2 but as a preacher he was  
famous1 and always succeeded in making  
his hearers marvel at his strange       
doctrines--doctrines so contradictory   
that no sane man can follow them4  ,he  
was vituperative in his language1       
austere in his manners1 undutiful and   
repelling to his mother4  ,he           
appropriated other persons' property1   
and immediately after violently         
assaulted a large number of men1 whom he
 charged with being dishonest4  ,when   
asked questions touching vital points of
 his own doctrines1 he usually gave     
evasive answers4  ,he promised his      
disciples all sorts of wonderful powers 
if they would believe in him1 and he    
promised also to come in a cloud with   
great glory before that generation      
passed away2 but having risen from the  
grave1 and ascended into heaven1 he has 
not returned in a cloud with glory up to
 the time of our going to press4  ,he   
ultimately met the death of a           

malefactor1 and in the last moments of  
agony his fanaticism was strong upon    
him1 for he promised to the thief who   
flattered him that he would meet him    
that day in paradise1 though he did not 
go there himself till about six weeks   
afterwards4  ,after his death he was    
brought to life again1 thus defying all 
the laws of physiology4 ,when but just  
out of the grave1 his powers of         
preaching were as strong as ever1 and   
his appetite as vigorous as though he   
had returned from a long journey2 and   
after partaking of a singular repast1   
and before he had had time to digest it1
 he ascended into the clouds without the
 aid of a balloon1 and was seen no more4
  ,all this1 with much more of the same 
incredible nature1 is taught as         
infallible truth by some of the best    
educated men the ,universities can      
produce1 and belief in the whole of it  
is necessary to respectability in this  
life1 and to salvation in a life after  
death4 ,how educated men can believe it1

 is a mystery which we trust the ,school
 ,boards of the future will be able to  
unravel2 at present we find it as       
insoluble as all the other sublime      
mysteries of ,christianity1 for we      
cannot believe that a ,university       
training necessarily makes men          
hypocrites1 and we are loth to believe  
that on one most important subject it   
necessarily makes them imbecile4  ,there
 would be fewer believers if there were 
more inquirers4 ,the advocates of ,bible
 reading in ,elementary ,schools must   
feel that there is danger to the faith  
lurking in the future if that precious  
book is read and not expounded4         
,dogmatic teaching is the stronghold of 
the religion of ,christendom4 ,the      
plain1 unvarnished tale of the ,four    
,gospels would carry with it its own    
condemnation1 for the best refutation of
 ,christianity is a true knowledge of   
,christ4             ,printed and       
,published by           ,c4 ,watts1     
#ag1 ,johnson's ,court1 ,fleet ,st1     

,london1 ,e4,c4           ,,price       
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