,,all ,,men ,,are ,,ghosts ,,by ,l4 ,p4 ,,jacks ,,author ,,of ,,mad ,,shepherds1 ,,among ,,the ,,idolmakers1 ,,the ,,alchemy ,,of ,,thought ,,london ,,williams ,,norgate #ad ,,henrietta ,,street1 ,,covent ,,garden #aiac ,i ,,dedicate ,,this ,,volume ,,to ,,stopford ,,brooke ,,to ,,whom ,i ,,owe ,,more ,,than ,,could ,,be ,,told ,,were ,,many ,,pages ,,employed ,,in ,,the ,,recital ,,contents ,,panhandle ,,and ,,the ,,ghosts3 ,i4 ,,panhandle ,,lays ,,down ,a ,,principle ,,ii4 ,,panhandle ,,narrates ,,his ,,history ,,and ,,describes ,,the ,,haunted ,,house ,,iii4 ,,panhandle',s ,,remarkable ,,adventure4 ,,the ,,ghost ,,appears ,,the ,,magic ,,formula ,,all ,,men ,,are ,,ghosts3 ,i4 ,,dr ,,piecraft ,,becomes ,,confused ,,ii4 ,,the ,,hole ,,in ,,the ,,water-,,skin ,,iii4 ,,dr ,,piecraft ,,clears ,,his ,,mind ,,the ,,professor',s ,,mare ,,farmer ,,jeremy ,,and ,,his ,,ways ,,white ,,roses ,of the stories in this volume1 ,farmer ,jeremy and his ,ways has already appeared in the ,cornhill2 ,the ,magic ,formula1 ,the ,professor's ,mare1 and ,white ,roses in the ,atlantic ,monthly4 ,these are reprinted with the permission of the respective ,editors4 ,some additions have been made which were precluded by the shorter form of the magazine story4 ,he that hath found some fledged bird's nest may know1 ,at first sight1 if the bird be flown2 ,but what fair well or grove he sings in now1 ,that is to him unknown4 ,and yet1 as angels in some brighter dreams ,call to the soul while man doth sleep2 ,so some strange thoughts transcend our wonted themes1 ,and into glory peep4 ,,henry ,,vaughan1 #afee4 ,,all ,,men ,,are ,,ghosts ,,panhandle ,,and ,,the ,,ghosts ',oh1' dissi lui1 ',or se' tu ancor morto8' ,ed egli a me1 ',come il mio corpo stea ,nel mondo su1 nulla scienza porto4' ,,dante1 ,inferno1 ,canto xxxiii4 ,i ,,panhandle ,,lays ,,down ,a ,,principle ,the first principle to guide us in the study of the subject1 said ,panhandle1 is that no genuine ghost ever recognised itself as what you suppose it to be4 ,the conception which the ghost has of its own being is fundamentally different from yours4 ,because it lacks solidity you deem it less real than yourself4 ,the ghost thinks the opposite4 ,you imagine that its language is a squeak4 ,from the ghost's point of view the squeaker is yourself4 ,in short1 the attitude of mankind towards the realm of ghosts is regarded by them as a continual affront to the majesty of the spiritual world1 perpetrated by beings who stand on a low level of intelligence2 and for that reason they seldom appear or make any attempt at open communication1 doing their work in secret and disclosing their identity only to selected souls4 ,far from admitting that they are less real than you1 they regard themselves as possessed of reality vastly more intense than yours4 ,imagine what your own feelings would be if1 at this moment1 ,i were to treat you as a gibbering bogey1 and you will then have some measure of the contempt which ghosts entertain for human beings4 ,you must confess1 my dear ,panhandle1 ,i answered1 that you are flying in the face of the greatest authorities1 and have the whole literature of the subject against you4 ,you tell me that no genuine ghost ever recognised itself as such4 ,i mean1 of course1 interrupted ,panhandle1 that it never recognised itself as a ghost in your inadequate sense of the term4 ,then1 said ,i1 what do you make of the ,ghost's words in ,hamlet3 ',i am thy father's spirit'8 ,this one1 at all events1 recognised itself as such4 ,in attributing those words to the ,ghost1 said ,panhandle1 ,shakespeare was using him as a stage property and as a means of playing to the gallery1 which is incapable of right notions on this subject4 ,but there is another passage in the same group of scenes which shows that ,shakespeare was not wholly ignorant of the inner mind of ghosts4 ,listen to this3-- ',enter ,ghost4 ,horatio4 ,what art thou1 that usurp'st this time of night1 ,together with that fair and warlike form ,in which the majesty of buried ,denmark ,did sometimes march8 ,by ,heaven ,i charge thee1 speak6 ,marcellus4 ,it is offended4 ,bernardo4 ,see1 it stalks away' ,now1 what does that mean8 he continued4 ,the words of ,horatio imply that the ,ghost has usurped a reality which does not belong to him2 that he is a wraith1 a goblin1 or some such absurdity--that1 in short1 he is going to be treated in the idiotic manner which is usual with men in the presence of such apparitions4 ,doubtless the ,ghost saw that these men were afraid of him1 that their hair was standing on end and their knees knocking together4 ,disgusted at such an exhibition of what to him would appear as a mixture of stupidity and bad manners1 he turned up his nose at the lot of them and stalked away in wrath4 ,no self-respecting ghost would ever consent to be so treated2 and that may help you to understand why communications from the world of spirits are comparatively rare4 ,ghosts who believe in the existence of human beings often regard them as idiots4 ,to communicate with such imbeciles is to court an insult1 or at least to expose the communicating spirit to an exhibition of revolting antics and limited intelligence4 ,from their point of view1 men are a race of beings whose acquaintance is not worth cultivating4 ,your words imply1 ,i said1 that some of the ghosts do not believe in our existence at all4 ,the majority are of that mind1 he answered4 ,belief in the existence of beings like yourself is regarded among them as betokening a want of mental balance4 ,a ghost who should venture to assert that you1 for example1 were real would certainly risk his reputation1 and if he held a scientific professorship or an ecclesiastical appointment he would be sneered at by his juniors and made the victim of some persecution4 ,i may tell you incidentally that the ghosts have among them a ,psychical ,research ,society which has been occupied for many years in investigating the reality of the inhabitants of this planet4 ,by the vast majority of ghosts the proceedings of the ,society are viewed with indifference1 and the claim1 which is occasionally made1 that communication has been established with the beings whom we know as men is treated with contempt4 ,the critics point to the extreme triviality of the alleged communications from this world4 ,they say that nothing of the least importance has ever come through from the human side1 and are wont to make merry over the imbecility and disjointed nonsense of the messages reported by the mediums2 for you must understand that there are mediums on that side as well as on this4 ,i happen to know of two instances4 ,some time ago two questions1 purporting to come from this world1 reached the ghosts4 ,one was1 ',what will be the price of ,midland ,preferred on ,january #a1 #aiae8' ,the other1 ',will it be a boy or a girl8' ,for months a committee of ghostly experts has been investigating these communications1 the meaning of which proved at first sight utterly unintelligible in that world4 ,the matter is still undecided2 but the conclusion most favoured at the moment is that the messages are garbled quotations from an eminent poet among the ghosts4 ,meanwhile more than one great reputation has been sacrificed and the sceptics are jubilant4 ,as you speak1 ,panhandle1 ,i said1 it suddenly occurs to me1 with a kind of shock1 that at this moment these beings may be investigating the reality of my own existence4 ,it would be interesting if ,i could find out what they suppose me to be4 ,i doubt if the knowledge would flatter you1 he answered4 ,it is highly probable that you would hear yourself interpreted in lower terms than even the most malicious of your enemies could invent4 ,a friend of mine1 who is a ,doctor of ,science1 and extremely scornful as to the existence of spirits1 is actually undergoing that investigation by the ghosts the results of which1 if applied to yourself1 you would find so interesting4 ,some assert that he is a low form of mental energy which has managed to get astray in the universe4 ,others declare that he is a putrid emanation from some kind of matter which science has not yet identified1 without consciousness1 but by no means without odour4 ,they allege that they have walked through him4 ,at this point of the conversation ,i suddenly remembered a question which ,i had several times had on the tip of my tongue to ask4 ,panhandle1 ,i said1 you seem to be on a familiar footing with the ghosts4 ,how did you acquire it8 ,ah1 my friend1 he replied1 the answer to that is a long story4 ,come down to my house in the country1 stay a fortnight1 and ,i promise to give you abundant material for your next book4 ,,ii ,,panhandle ,,narrates ,,his ,,history ,,and ,,describes ,,the ,,haunted ,,house ,panhandle's residence was situated in a remote part of the country1 and at this moment ,i have no clear recollection of the complicated journey1 with its many changes at little-known junctions1 which ,i had to make in order to find my friend4 ,the residence stood in the midst of elevated woodlands1 and was well hidden by the trees4 ,an immense sky-sign1 standing out high above all other objects and plainly visible to the traveller from whatever side he made his approach1 had been erected on the roof4 ,the sky-sign carried the legend ,no ,psychologists6 ,it turned with the wind1 gyrating continually1 and when darkness fell the letters were outlined in electric lamps4 ,only a blind man could miss the warning4 ,this legend was repeated over the main entrance to the grounds1 with the addition of the word ,beware6 ,i thought of mantraps and ferocious dogs1 and for some minutes ,i stood before the gates1 wondering if it would be safe for me to enter4 ,at last1 remembering how several friends had assured me that ,i was no psychologist1 ,i concluded that little harm awaited me1 plucked up my courage1 and boldly advanced4 ,beyond the gates ,i found the warning again repeated with a more emphatic truculence and a finer particularity4 ,at intervals along the drive ,i saw notice-boards projecting from the barberries and the laurels1 each with some new version of the original theme4 ,death to the ,psychology of ,religion were the words inscribed on one4 ,the next was even more precise in its application1 and ran as follows3-- ,inquisitive psychologists take notice6 ,panhandle has a gun1 ,and will not hesitate to shoot4 ,somewhat shaken ,i approached the front door and was startled to see a long1 glittering thing suddenly thrust through an open window in the upper storey2 and the man behind the weapon was unquestionably ,panhandle himself4 ,can it be1 ,i said aloud1 that ,panhandle has taken me for an inquisitive psychologist8 ,advance1 cried my host1 who had a keen ear for such undertones4 ,advance and fear nothing4 ,a moment later he grasped me warmly by the hand1 ,welcome1 dearest of friends1 he was saying4 ,you have arrived at an opportune moment4 ,the house is full of guests who are longing to meet you4 ,but1 ,panhandle1 ,i expostulated as we stood on the doorstep1 ,i understood we were to be alone4 ,i have come for one purpose only1 that you might explain your familiarity with--with those people4 ,i used this expression1 rather than one more explicit1 because the footman was still present1 knowing from long experience how dangerous it is to speak plainly about metaphysical realities in the hearing of the proletariat4 ,those very people are now awaiting you1 said ,panhandle1 as he drew me into the library4 ,i will be quite frank with you at once4 ,this house is haunted2 and if on consideration you find your nerves unequal to an encounter with ghosts1 you had better go back at once1 for there is no telling how soon the apparitions will begin4 ,i have been longing to see a ghost all my life1 ,i answered2 and now that the chance has come at last1 ,i am not going to run away from it4 ,but ,i confess that with the encounter so near at hand my knees are not as steady as ,i could wish4 ,a turn in the open air will set that right1 said he1 and we will take it at once2 for ,i perceive an indication that the first ghost has already entered the room and is only waiting for your nerves to calm before presenting himself to your vision4 ,i bolted into the garden1 and ,panhandle1 with an irritating smile at the corners of his mouth1 followed4 ,as we walked among the lawns and shrubberies we both fell silent3 he1 for a reason unknown to me2 ,i1 because something in his plan of gardening had absorbed my attention and filled me with wonder4 ,presently ,i said1 ,panhandle1 ,i cannot refrain from asking you a question4 ,i observe that in your style of gardening you have embodied an idea which ,i have long cherished but never dared to carry out lest people should think me morbid4 ,you have planted cypress at the back of your roses2 and the plan is so unusual and yet so entirely in accord with my own mind on the subject that ,i suspect telepathy between you and me4 ,he looked at me closely for a few seconds1 and then said3 ,it may be4 ,i too have often suspected that throughout the whole of my gardening operations ,i was under the control of an intelligence other than my own4 ,but ,i would never have guessed that it was yours4 ,anyhow1 this particular idea1 no matter what its origin may be1 is admirable4 ,no other background will compare with the cypress for bringing out the colour of the roses4 ,see how gorgeous they look at this moment4 ,and the cypress too1 ,i said1 are1 thanks to the contrast1 full of majesty4 ,but1 though you and ,i understand one another so completely at this point1 there is another at which ,i confess you bewilder me4 ,and ,i indicated the sky-sign1 which at that moment had turned its legend--,no ,psychologists--full towards us4 ,you will not be surprised to learn1 he answered1 that this house1 like other haunted houses1 has been the scene of a tragedy4 ,the tragedy is the explanation of the sign1 and it is essential you should know the story1 as the ghosts are certain to refer to it4 ,you remember that ,i once had a religion8 ,i trust you have one still1 ,i said4 ,i prefer to be silent on that point1 he answered4 ,whatever religion ,i may have at the present moment ,i am resolved to protect from the disasters which befell the religion ,i had long ago4 ,a certain psychologist got wind of it1 and ,i1 in my innocence1 granted his request to submit my religious consciousness to a scientific investigation4 ,i was highly flattered by the result4 ,the man1 having completed his investigation1 came to the conclusion that my religion was destined to be the religion of the future1 and went up and down the country announcing his prophecy4 ,but the strange thing was that as soon as we all knew that this was going to be the religion of the future it ceased to be the religion of the present4 ,what followed8 ,why1 in a couple of years ,i and my followers had no religion at all4 ,incidentally our minds had become a mass of self-complacency and conceit1 and the public were coming to regard us as a set of intolerable wind-bags4 ,such was the tragedy1 and ever since its occurrence ,i have led a haunted life4 ,there may be compensations in that1 ,i suggested4 ,there are1 and ,i am resolved to maintain them4 ,this house and these grounds are kept as a strict preserve for spirits of every denomination2 and you will understand the severity of my measures for their protection when ,i tell you that the slightest taint of an earth-born psychology in the atmosphere1 or the footprint of one of its exponents on the greensward1 would instantly cause a general exodus of my ghostly visitors1 and thus deprive me of the company which is at once the solace and the inspiration of my declining years4 ,on all such intrusions ,i decree the penalty of death1 being fully determined that no psychology shall pollute this neighbourhood until such time as the ghosts1 having completed a psychology of their own1 are able to protect themselves4 ,i assure you that my intercourse with the spirits more than makes amends for all that ,i lost when my former religion was destroyed4 ,which never became the religion of the future after all8 ,i asked1 more sarcastically perhaps than was quite decent4 ,of course not4 ,and the same cause1 if suffered to operate1 will prevent anything else from becoming the religion of the future4 ,it is one of the signs of decadence in the present age that livelihoods should be procurable by the scientific analysis of religion4 ,had ,i the power1 ,i would make it a penal offence to publish the results of such inquiries4 ,as it is1 we must protect ourselves4 ,arm1 therefore1 my friend--arm yourself with the like of this2 and whenever you see one of those marauders1 do not hesitate to shoot6 ,the only good psychologist is a dead one4 ,as ,panhandle said this1 he drew from his pocket quite the most formidable six-shooting pistol ,i have ever seen4 ,i was about to protest against the atrocious obscurantism of this outburst1 when my attention was caught by a strange sound of fluttering in the letters of the sky-sign above the house4 ,looking up1 ,i saw to my amazement that the former legend had disappeared and a new one was gradually forming4 ,change the conversation1 were the words ,i read when the swaying letters had settled down into a position of rest4 ,immediately afterwards the letters fluttered again and the original legend reappeared4 ,certainly1 ,i said to myself1 this house is haunted4 ,obedient to the mandate of the fluttering letters1 ,i began at once to cast about for an opening that would change the conversation4 ,i could find none1 and ,i was embarrassed by the pause4 ,there was nothing for it but to break out suddenly on a new line4 ,but in the sequel ,i was astonished to observe with what ease ,panhandle1 in spite of the violence of the transition1 turned the conversation back to its original theme4 ,my dear ,panhandle1 ,i said1 you are doubtless familiar with the remark of ,charles ,dickens to the effect that writers of fiction seldom dream of the characters they have created1 the reason being that they know those characters to be unreal4 ,i am perfectly familiar with the passage1 he replied1 but ,i am astonished to hear it quoted by you4 ,have you not often insisted1 in pursuance1 ,i suppose1 of the principles of your philosophy1 that characters created by imaginative genius1 such as ,hamlet or ,faust1 possess a deeper reality than beings of flesh and blood8 ,did you not cite instances from ,dickens himself and say that ,sam ,weller and ,mr ,micawber were more real to you than ,louis ,,xiv or ,george ,washington8 ,i certainly said so1 and adhere to the statement4 ,then you will not hesitate to admit that a character who is more real than ,george ,washington is at least as capable of being interested in the problem of his own creation as ,george ,washington could have been4 ,you are leading me into a trap1 ,i replied4 ,i am only requiring you to be in earnest4 ,like many persons who express the opinion you have just reiterated1 you have never taken the trouble to realise what it implies4 ,but ,i will now show you its implications4 ,nor could a better means be found of introducing the revelations ,i am about to make as to what you may expect in this haunted house4 ,it was your good genius who led you to this topic4 ,you will learn presently that the phenomena peculiar to my house are entirely in harmony with your own philosophy on this point1 that philosophy being1 as ,i understand1 some new brand of ,idealism4 ,i desire you to proceed with the revelations immediately1 ,i said4 ,we live in an age which abhors introductions as fiercely as ,nature abhors a vacuum1 and ,i beg you to leave it with me to adjust what you are about to deliver to the principles of my philosophy4 ,know1 then1 said ,panhandle1 with a readiness that marked his approval of my attitude1 that your opinion as to the reality of these imaginary characters is entirely sound4 ,many of them are in the habit of haunting this very house1 and ,i think it extremely probable that some will put in an appearance to-night4 ,you have quoted ,charles ,dickens to the effect that their creators know them to be unreal--a remarkable error for so gifted a man4 ,but it may astonish you to learn that they return the compliment by having no belief in the reality of their reputed creators4 ,it is more than possible1 after what you have said1 that ,mr ,micawber1 who has now become a philosopher1 will appear to you during your stay in the house4 ,tell him by way of experiment that his creator was a certain ,charles ,dickens4 ,you will find that he wholly fails to understand what you mean4 ,he regards himself as a fortuitous concourse of ideas4 ,only this morning ,i tried the same experiment on ,colonel ,newcome4 ,i told him all about ,thackeray1 who1 said ,i1 was the author of his being4#a ,he was utterly amazed1 and just as incredulous as it is possible for so perfect a gentleman to be4 ,he accused me of talking metaphysics4 ,footnote #a3 ,in the novel of ,pendennis1 written ten years ago1 there is an account of a certain ,costigan1 whom ,i had invented4444 ,i was smoking in a tavern-parlour one night1 and this ,costigan came into the room alone--the very man3 the most remarkable resemblance of the printed sketches of the man1 and of the rude drawings in which ,i had depicted him4 ,he had the same little coat1 the same battered hat1 cocked on one eye1 the same twinkle in that eye4 ',sir1' said ,i1 knowing him to be an old friend whom ,i had met in unknown regions1 'sir1' ,i said1 'may ,i offer you a glass of brandy and water8' 444 ,how had ,i come to know him1 to divine him8 ,nothing shall convince me that ,i have not seen that man in the world of spirits4 7,thackeray1 ,de ,finibus47 ,see the whole passage1 from which it is evident that ,costigan did not recognise his creator4 ,my long acquaintance with ,panhandle had schooled me to betray no astonishment at anything he might say4 ,so1 assuming as cool an air as ,i could command1 ,i merely asked3 ,would you mind telling me1 ,panhandle1 by what means you have managed to ascertain the views of these gentlemen concerning their creator8 ,like yourself1 he answered1 ,i was convinced long ago that the creations of genius1 ,hamlet and the rest1 are more real than the ,johns1 ,toms1 and ,marys who seem to walk the earth4 ,but1 unlike you1 ,i have not been content that so important a truth should remain at the level of a mere elegant opinion4 ,by a course of spiritual exercises carefully devised1 into which ,i shall presently initiate you1 ,i have placed myself in direct communication with these personalities2 and so successful has the discipline proved1 that intelligent intercourse has become possible between them and me4 ,i frequently invite them to haunt the house1 and the response is always favourable4 ,i am on terms of intimacy with the principal characters of the ,classic ,drama1 of ,shakespeare1 ,goethe1 and many eminent novelists of modern times4 ,on hearing this all my efforts to keep cool broke down4 ,panhandle1 ,i cried1 you must initiate me into those exercises without a moment's delay4 ,be patient1 he replied1 until you have heard the further results to which they will lead4 ,i have not yet told you the half1 and it may be that when you have heard the rest you will prefer to have no part in these ,mysteries4 ,the realm to which they will lead you has an immense population of ghosts2 it is vastly more populous than our planet2 and notwithstanding that my exercises have brought me abundant knowledge of them and their doings1 ,i have not been able to classify more than a small portion of the inhabitants4 ,the characters created by imaginative genius are only one among the orders of ghosts to whom you will presently be introduced4 ,you will be haunted by ,ideas in every variety1 all of them living organisms of high complexity1 and all more or less ignorant of whence they come or whose they are4 ,possibly you will encounter your own ideas among them2 and ,i must warn you against claiming to be the author of any of them1 even the most original4 ,there is nothing that offends them more deeply4 ,they have their own notions as to their origin1 which they conceive to lie in something infinitely superior to the brain of a being like yourself4 ,by many of them their reputed authors are treated with contempt2 some deny the existence of these 'authors' in any capacity whatsoever2 others regard them as mere phrases1 metaphors1 or abstractions4 ,a notable instance is that of your friend ,professor ,gunn1 who wrote the famous treatise to prove the non-existence of ,god4 ,the potent ideas projected in the course of that work had long enjoyed an independent being of their own in the spiritual world2 and it may interest you--and ,professor ,gunn also1 if you will be kind enough to tell him what ,i am now saying--to learn that these ideas of his have formed themselves into a congregation or society whose principal tenet is that there is no such being as ,professor ,gunn4 ,they regard him alternatively as a sun-myth or an exploded fiction4 ,how absurd6 ,i cried4 ,in your present darkness1 he answered1 the exclamation is to be excused4 ,but ,i assure you that after passing one night in this house you will find that nothing in heaven or earth is less absurd than the statement you have just heard4 ,as to your own ,ideas1 he continued1 know that their relation to yourself is1 in their eyes1 widely different from what you conceive it to be4 ,between yourself and them there is the utmost divergence of view on this matter4 ,under no circumstances whatsoever will they consent to regard themselves as your property1 and no claim of that kind1 nor even the semblance of a claim1 must ever be suffered to appear in your dealings with these ghosts4 ,remember that your common-sense is their metaphysic1 and their metaphysic your common-sense2 what you dream of1 they see2 what you see1 they dream of2 and the consequence is that many truths1 which appear to you as the least certain of your conclusions1 are used by them as the familiar axioms of thought4 ,on the other hand1 what are axioms to you are often problems to them4 ,your cogito ergo sum1 for example1 will not go down in the spiritual world4 ,for just as you1 on your side of the theory of knowledge1 are busy in trying to account for your ,ideas1 so they1 on theirs1 have much ado in their efforts to account for you2 all of them find you the most illusive of beings1 while some1 as ,i have already hinted1 deny your existence altogether1 or treat you as a highly questionable hypothesis4 ,with several of your leading ,ideas ,i hope to make you personally acquainted this very night4 ,to convince them of your identity will be no easy matter1 and the most vigilant circumspection will be necessary on your part4 ,i counsel an attitude of uttermost modesty2 anything else is certain to give them the impression that you are an impostor4 ,betray1 then1 not the least surprise on finding yourself treated by your own ,ideas as a being of little importance to their concerns4 ,above all1 you must not expect them to take more than a passing interest in your brain4 ,your best course is to avoid all reference to that topic4 ',the brain' is seldom1 if ever1 mentioned in the best circles of the spiritual world--to which circles1 ,i assume1 your leading ,ideas belong4 ,you must never forget that in the realm of ,ideas class distinctions are rigidly observed2 there is an aristocracy and a proletariat1 with all the intermediate grades2 and many topics which may be safely mentioned among the commons are an offence when introduced to the nobility4 ',the brain' is one of these4 ,its use1 among the ghosts1 is confined exclusively to the working class2 and you will commit a breach of good manners by flaunting its functions in the presence of august society4 ,were you1 for example1 in the course of some conversation with a noble ,principle1 to offer him the use of your own brain1 or to suggest that he was in need of such an implement1 or in the habit of using it1 you would commit an indiscretion of the first magnitude2 and it is certain the offended spirit would strike you off his visiting list and decline to haunt you any more4 ,pardon my insistence on this point4 ,knowing1 as ,i do1 how apt you are to talk about your brain1 ,i am naturally apprehensive lest1 in an unguarded moment1 you should thrust that organ under the nose of some ,great ,idea4 ,believe me1 it would be a fatal mistake4 ,remember1 ,i implore you1 what ,i have already said3 that1 in the spiritual world1 the brain-habit is strictly confined to the working class4#b ,footnote #b3 ,ni pour le jugement1 ni pour le raisonnement1 ni pour aucune autre faculte de la pensee proprement dite nous n'avons la moindre raison de supposer qu'elle soit attachee a tels ou tels processus cerebraux determines4444 ,les phenomenes cerebraux sont en effet a la vie mentale ce que les gestes du chef d'orchestre sont a la symphonie3 ils en dessinent les articulations motrices1 ils ne font pas autre chose4 ,on ne trouverait done rien des operations de l'esprit proprement dit a l'interieur du cerveau4 7,professor ,henri ,bergson3 ,presidential ,address to the ,society for ,psychical ,research1 #aiac47 ,before you can persuade me of all this1 ,i said1 you will have to turn my intelligence clean inside out4 ,that is precisely what ,i intend doing1 and the first step shall be taken this very instant4 ,begin the exercises by repeating the ,formula of ,initiation4 ,it runs as follows3 ',till another speaks to me ,i am nothing4' ,why1 ,panhandle1 ,i said laughing1 that is the very formula they taught me when ,i first entered a ,public ,school4 ,and they enforced it with kicks4 ,the ,universe enforces it in the same manner4 ,but let us keep to the matter in hand4 ,repeat the formula at once4 ,wait1 ,i said4 ,the situation is growing ominous1 and ,i will not embark upon this enterprise till ,i know more of what it will lead to4 ,take your own time1 said ,panhandle4 ,the rules of my system forbid me to hurry the neophyte4 ,if what ,i have told you already is not enough1 you shall hear more4 ,among the ghosts who haunt this house are beings far mightier than any ,i have so far described4 ,for a long time their identification baffled me1 until one night ,i overheard them in high debate1 and found they were occupied in an attempt to account for their own existence in the scheme of things4 ,then ,i knew who they were4 ,these1 ,i said1 catching him up1 must assuredly be the ghosts of the great philosophies1 or systems of thought1 which in their earthly state accounted for the existence of everything else1 but left the problem of their own existence untouched4 ,a most happy anticipation1 and one that augurs well for your future success as an entertainer of ghosts4 ,have we not heard on high authority that no philosophy is complete until it has explained its own presence in the universe8 ,having neglected this at the first stage of their existence1 the systems exercise their wits at the second in attempts to make good the oversight4 ,do many of them succeed8 ,i asked4 ,most of them fail2 and for that reason their ghosts linger for ages in the neighbourhood of houses which1 like my own1 are hospitable to their presence4 ,for it is a rule of the realm to which they now belong that so soon as any system succeeds in explaining its own origin it vanishes and passes on to a still higher state of existence4 ,panhandle1 ,i said1 you have identified these ghosts beyond the possibility of cavil4 ,a more conclusive proof could not be given4 ,beware1 then1 how you proceed6 said he4 ,it is possible that you will be haunted to-night not only by your ,ideas in their severalty1 but by your whole system of thought organised as one ,synthetic ,ghost4 ,it will certainly question you on the subject of its creator1 that being1 as ,i have said1 the central and absorbing interest of all these spirits4 ,but again let me implore you to be on your guard against claiming to be its author4 ,to inform such a ghost that it originates in a human intelligence1 and that intelligence your own1 would be treated as an outbreak of impudence deserving the highest resentment1 and it is more than likely that the indignant phantom would put a lasting blight on your intellect or punish your presumption in ways yet more fearful to contemplate4 ,the flow of ,panhandle's speech had now become extremely rapid1 and my intelligence was beginning to lag in the rear4 ,give me a breathing-space1 ,i cried2 ,i need an interval for silent meditation4 ,then1 in a voice so low that he could not hear me1 ,i repeated to myself the ,formula of ,initiation and1 after musing for a few minutes1 begged him to proceed4 ,a light is breaking1 ,i said1 and your warnings are taking hold4 ,in this connection1 he resumed1 ,i could relate many things that would surprise you4 ,just as the personalities created by genius are apt to repudiate their creators1 so the great philosophies when translated to the higher state are apt to disown all connection with the persons to whom their origin is humanly attributed4 ,the philosophy of ,spencer1 for example1 believes its author to be absolutely inscrutable2 that of von ,hartmann suspects a ,professor1 but declares him to have been unconscious of what he was doing4 ,pessimism1 again1 ascribes its beginning to a desire on the part of the ,primal ,power to give away the secret of its conspiracies against its own subjects2 the doctrine that mind is mechanism believes itself the outcome of a non-mechanical principle1 and has become in consequence the most superstitious of all the ghosts2 and a group of materialistic systems have concluded1 after long debate1 that all philosophies originate from ,ink and a ,tendency in the ,ink to get itself transferred to ,paper4 ,it is evident1 ,i interposed1 that even in their higher existence the systems are by no means free from illusions4 ,be cautious how you judge them1 said ,panhandle1 for it may be that in accounting for their origin they are less astray than yourself4 ,none the less1 you are right in declaring them defective4 ,fallacies perpetrated in a system at the first stage of its existence become diseases when translated to the second1 and some of the ghosts in consequence live the life of invalids4 ,the ghost of ,evolution1 for example1 will appear before you in a deplorable condition4 ,this ghost has recently learnt that it is suffering from an ,undistributed ,middle1 a disease unamenable to treatment1 being proof even against the ,method of ,eloquence1 which as you know is a potent specific for most logical defects4 ,you may easily identify the spirit by remembering what ,i have told you4 ,if you encounter an apparition walking about with hands pressed hard on its ,middle1 and groaning heavily1 know that the spectre of ,evolution is before you4 ,panhandle1 ,i said1 your revelations have awakened my uttermost curiosity1 and every nerve in my body is tense with eagerness to encounter an apparition4 ,heaven grant that the ghost of my own philosophy may appear6 ,and yet1 in a sense1 ,i am disappointed4 ,you promised that you would furnish me with material for my next book4 ,but the public has no interest in the phantoms you have described1 and will not believe in their existence4 ,that remains to be seen1 he answered4 ,meanwhile1 ,i give you my solemn pledge that you shall see a ghost before the night is out4 ,he said this in a tone so ominous that ,i could not refrain from starting4 ,what could he mean8 ,a sudden thought flashed upon me1 and ,i cried aloud3 ,my dear friend1 you fill me with alarm1 and ,i am on the point of giving way6 ,i begin to suspect that ,i shall never see the ghosts until ,i have passed to another world4 ,i believe that ,i am doomed to die in this house to-night6 ,it was indicated in the tone of your voice4 ,with a quick motion ,panhandle swung round in his chair and looked me full in the face4 ,how do you know1 he said1 that you are not dead now1 and already passed to the existence of which you speak8 ,the effort to answer his question revived my courage4 ,but in all my life ,i have never found a problem half so difficult4 ,to prove that ,i was not dead already and become a ghost6 ,forty or fifty times did ,i lay down a new set of premises1 only to be reminded by ,panhandle that ,i begged the question in every one4 ,my ingenuity was taxed to breaking point1 my voice was exhausted1 the sweat was pouring from my brows1 when1 once again1 from the upper airs where the sky-sign was swinging1 ,i heard the same fluttering and rustling which had arrested my attention at a former crisis4 ,it was growing dark1 and the arc-lamps which outlined the letters were all aglow4 ,i watched the transformation1 and suddenly saw1 flashed out for a moment into the gathering darkness1 these words3 ,give it up4 ,,iii ,,panhandle',s ,,remarkable ,,adventure4 ,,the ,,ghost ,,appears ,dinner was now served4 ,we dined alone1 and1 in the intervals when the footman was out of the room1 ,i seized the opportunity to probe further into the mystery of the haunted house4 ,the ghosts1 ,i said1 have not appeared4 ,neither in my own apartment1 nor in the corridors1 nor in the various empty rooms which ,i have visited1 have ,i seen or heard anything to suggest that the house is haunted4 ,may ,i ask1 said my companion1 for the grounds of your statement that so far the ghost has failed to appear8 ,save for yourself1 ,i answered1 the only person ,i have seen since entering is the footman4 ,and how do you know that the footman is not a ghost8 ,why1 said ,i1 he carried my bag upstairs1 and pocketed the balance of half a crown ,i gave him to pay for a telegram4 ,i never heard a feebler argument1 he replied4 ,it is obvious that you resemble the majority of mankind1 who1 if they were to see a thousand ghosts every day1 would never recognise one of them for what it was4 ,now1 as to the footman---- ,but at that moment the individual in question entered the room bringing coffee and cigars4 ,when he had gone ,panhandle resumed3 ,we were speaking of the footman4 ,but perhaps it would be wiser to deal with the matter in general terms4 ,i have already said enough to satisfy any reasonable judge of evidence that this is a genuinely haunted house4 ,i have now to add that a doubt may be raised as to who is the haunter and who the haunted4 ,i sat silent1 staring at ,panhandle with wide eyes of astonishment1 for ,i had no universe of discourse to which ,i could relate the strange things ,i was hearing4 ,he went on3 ,from what ,i have told you already you have no doubt drawn the inference that the ghosts are haunting me4 ,but the ghosts themselves are not of that mind4 ,in their opinion it is ,i who am haunting them4 ,my first discovery of this1 which is destined to revolutionise the whole theory of ghosts1 was made under circumstances which ,i will now relate4 99 99 99 99 99 ,many years ago ,i was seated in the library late one night engaged in writing a report of certain mysterious phenomena which had been observed in this house4 ,i had just completed a copy of the signed evidence of the cook1 the gardener1 and the housemaid1 all of whom had left that day without notice in consequence of something they alleged they had seen4 ,suddenly ,i thought ,i heard a whispered voice from the further side of the room1 and looking up ,i saw seated at a table two beings of human semblance1 who were gazing intently in my direction4 ',do you not see something on yonder chair8' asked one4 ',yes1' answered the other1 ',i certainly see something4 ,probably a gleam of light4 ,observe1 the curtains are not quite closed1 and this is about the time when they turn on the searchlight at the barracks4 ,draw the curtains close and it will instantly disappear4' ,the speaker went to the window1 leaving the other still staring fearfully in my direction4 ,having closed the curtains1 the man returned to his place4 ',by heaven6' he cried1 'the thing is still there6' ,and ,i could see the pallor creeping over his face4 ,a moment later ,i heard one of them say1 ',it has gone4 ,well1 whatever it was1 ,i have had a shock4 ,i am trembling all over4' ,and with that he rang the bell4 ,presently a footman appeared with a bottle of spirits and a siphon4 ,having deposited the tray1 he chanced to look towards the place where ,i was sitting4 ,a piercing cry followed1 and the man ran screaming out of the room4 ,the two men also started to their feet and began shouting something ,i could not hear4 ,i suppose they were calling to some person in the house1 for the shouts were quickly followed by the entry of a young fellow of athletic build and truculent countenance4 ',show me your damned ghost1' he said1 'and ,i'll soon settle him4' ',he's over there--in that seat1' cried one4 ',for heaven's sake1 go up to him1 ,reginald1 and see what he's made of4' ,the truculent youth darted forward1 but suddenly came to a dead stop1 with a face as white as a sheet4 ,then with a trembling hand he whipped a revolver out of his pocket1 and at five paces fired all six barrels point-blank at my body4 ,at each shot ,i was aware of a painful feeling in the penumbra of my consciousness1 like the sudden awakening of a buried sorrow4 ,at this point ,panhandle paused to relight his cigar1 and ,i took the opportunity to make a remark4 ,count it no grievance1 ,i said1 if one who shoots at psychologists is himself occasionally shot at4 ,i surmise that the truculent youth was the ghost of a promising psychologist1 foully murdered by your nefarious gun4 ,name it a righteous execution1 and ,i shall agree1 he answered4 ,or it may be1 ,i added1 that many of the sudden and inexplicable pains that break out in our minds and in our bodies are caused by ghosts1 or whatever you call them1 shooting at us1 or stabbing us1 to test our reality4 ,panhandle turned a keen glance at my face to see if ,i was serious1 and1 being satisfied that ,i was1 continued3 ,i have heard more unlikely explanations of such pains1 and your theory is precisely one of those which medical science will have to investigate when these discoveries of mine are made public4 ,but let me resume the narrative4 ,at the sound of the firing the whole household seemed to be aroused4 ,and what a household it was6 ,in a few moments the room was crowded with beings of reverend countenance and stately carriage4 ,looking round with slow1 grave eyes1 they conversed in whispers4 ',science must investigate this1' one of them said4 ',we will arrange that a committee of the ,society shall make a thorough examination of the house and test the phenomena4 ,don't forget to engage two shorthand writers and an expert in spirit photography4 ,and let the room be sealed up till the experts arrive4' ,during the whole of these proceedings ,i remained absolutely still1 my acquaintance with the other world having taught me the wisdom of reticence4 ,at this point1 however1 ,i resolved to attempt communication with my visitors1 and1 looking round for a person to whom ,i might address myself1 ,i observed a bright little fellow of twelve years old staring about him in an absent-minded way1 quite inattentive to all that was going on4 ,as ,i walked over to where he was standing he saw me plainly1 and showed not the least surprise on being addressed4 ',what is your name1 my little man8' ,i asked4 ',billy ,burst1' said he4 ',and what are you thinking about while all those people are making such a fuss8' ',i am wondering how people weigh the planets1' he answered4 ',come along with me1' said ,i1 'and ,i will show you just what you want to know4' ,then taking him by the hand ,i led him across the room to the seat ,i had just left2 but though the sages who were present saw him cross the room1 not one of them saw me1 who was leading him by the hand4 ,i took out a sheet of paper and began to draw figures and work formulae1 the boy meanwhile standing by the side of my chair and saying not a word4 ,when ,i had finished ,i said3 ',do you understand8' ',perfectly1' he answered2 ',i see it at last4 ,thank you ever so much4' ',now ,billy1' ,i said1 'there is something you can do for me4 ,i want you to stand on that chair and tell the people that the person they are making the fuss about is named ,panhandle1 that you know him1 that he is real and quite harmless1 and that he hopes they won't shoot at him any more1 because it hurts4 ,say you are quite certain he is real1 because he has just told you how the planets are weighed4' ',dear ,pan1' said ,billy1 'don't ask me to do that4 ,i never tell people about you2 they would only laugh at me if ,i did4 ,let us keep just as we are1 old fellow1 and not tell our secret to anybody4' ,unprepared for a style of address so familiar1 ',why1 ,billy1' ,i said1 ',i have never seen you before4' ',are you quite sure you see me now8' he replied4 ,our positions had become reversed--,billy sitting in my study chair that he might read over what ,i had written about the planets1 ,i standing by his side4 ,i looked down to answer his last question1 and for the briefest fraction of a second a vision passed before me4 ,the object beneath me was not my study chair1 but a small iron bedstead on which there lay a boy1 fast asleep4 ,it passed in the twinkling of an eye1 and ,i found myself seated as before at my desk2 the half-finished report was before me1 and1 save myself1 not a soul was in the room4 ',it is certain1' thought ,i1 'that ,i am haunting somebody4 ,in the name of all the secret ,powers that guide the fates of men--whom am ,i haunting8' 99 99 99 99 99 ,a marvellous story1 ,i cried2 and more significant than even you1 ,panhandle1 are aware4 ,i knew ,billy ,burst4 ,he and ,i were schoolmates1 and practised magic together under the guidance of a mysterious ,power whose name ,billy would never disclose4 ,you knew ,billy ,burst6 exclaimed ,panhandle4 ,my friend1 you fill me with astonishment and delight4 ,did ,i not say we were on the eve of great discoveries8 ,tell me all you know about ,billy1 for the matter is of the utmost importance4 ,you are making me wait for the appearance of the ghost1 said ,i1 and must not be aggrieved if ,i make you wait for information about ,billy4 ,i again pledge my word to you1 he answered1 that you shall see a ghost this very night4 ,and ,i pledge mine to you that you shall hear all about ,billy as soon as the ghost appears4 ,but it is my turn first4 ,let us make it a covenant1 he said4 ,agreed6 ,i answered4 ,then shake hands over the bargain4 ,as he said this he stood up and extended his hand4 ,with the utmost eagerness ,i sprang to my feet and made the reciprocating gesture4 ,for an instant ,i thought that excitement had unsteadied me1 for my hand1 seeking his1 seemed to move at random in the vacant air4 ,then ,i made a second attempt1 carefully noting the position of his extended palm1 and this time the truth dawned upon me in a flash4 ,my hand1 indeed1 grasped what seemed to be his4 ,but there was no substance to resist my closing fingers1 no hardness of interior bones1 no softness of enveloping tissues1 no pressure1 no contact1 no warmth4 ,panhandle1 ,i cried1 you are a ghost6 ,hush6 he answered2 we never use that term in addressing one another4 ,whatever ,i am1 you are also in process of becoming4 ,you have been slow in making the discovery4 ,i thought you had found me out when we stood among the cypress in the garden4 ,i was trembling all over and had no control over the next words that came to my tongue4 ,what they were ,i cannot remember1 but ,panhandle's reply seems to indicate that ,i had been imploring him to tell me what kind of a ghost he was4 ,certainly not a character taken out of a novel1 he was saying4 ,think of the other orders of spirits who ,i told you were haunting the house1 and place me in the last and highest4 ,you are the ghost of a philosophy6 ,i said4 ,i am4 ,whose philosophy are you8 ,i shouted1 for the figure of ,panhandle was rapidly sliding away into the distance4 ,your own6 was the answer4 ,come back1 beloved ,panhandle6 ,i called after the retreating figure4 ,come back and let me fulfil my part of the compact before you go4 ,i have yet to tell you the story of ,billy ,burst4 ,i shall read it in the next chapter of your book1 was the reply1 now almost inaudible1 so great was the distance from which it came4 ,i called yet louder1 ,i have a ghost-story to tell you1 dear ,panhandle4 ,very important4 ,about the ghost of a novelist4 ,far better than yours about the novelist's characters6 ,i shall read about that in the next chapter but one4 ,such1 ,i am fain to believe1 was the answer4 ,but the voice had now become so faint that this rendering of the words is given with reserve4 ,my first impression was that ,panhandle said simply1 ,pooh1 pooh6 ,i was determined not to let him go4 ,raising my voice to the uttermost1 ,i continued to call him4 ,come back1 ,i kept shouting1 and arm me with one more word of wisdom for the battle of life6 ,without you1 ,panhandle1 ,i have no protector1 and the psychologists will surely devour me4 ,at the sound of the word psychologists ,panhandle's flight was suddenly arrested4 ,in one swoop he retraversed the vast space that now lay between us1 and returned to his original position4 ,hear1 then1 my last word1 he said4 ,the chief errors of mankind issue from the notion that thinking is a solitary process and the thinker an isolated being4 ,in writing their works or monologues the thinkers1 with few exceptions1 have mistaken the form which is proper to philosophy and thereby done violence to the true nature of thought4 ,all thinking is the work of a community2 its form is conversational and1 in the highest stages1 dramatic4 ,for want of this knowledge many philosophers have gone astray4 ,ignorant of the other minds with which their own are in communion1 deaf to the voices which mingle with theirs in the eternal dialogue of thought1 they have uttered their message as a weary monologue1 and the vivid interplay of mind with mind1 the quick debate of reacting spirits1 which is the very life of thought1 has fallen dead4 ,in the course of your education1 which has properly begun to-day1 you will become acquainted with a multitude of interlocutors whose existence you have never suspected1 though they have been addressing you from the first moment you began to think and contributing much of what you consider most original in your thought4 ,these are the ghosts by whom you will henceforth be haunted1 until1 finally1 they make you one of themselves and carry you to heaven in a whirlwind of fire4 ,farewell4 ,having said this1 he instantly vanished1 leaving behind him a faint odour of ,havana cigars4 ,at the same moment a marvellous change1 the stages of which have left no record on my memory1 passed over me4 ,i found myself in the place where ,i am at this moment1 this identical sheet of paper was under my hand1 this pen was writing1 and the ink of the last paragraph was still wet4 ,,the ,,magic ,,formula ,i ,many years ago ,i had a schoolfellow and bosom friend whom ,i knew as ,billy1 but whose name as it stood in the ,register was ,william ,xavier ,plosive4 ,where his family came from1 or where they got their outlandish name1 ,i know not4 ,from its rarity ,i infer that the ,plosive stock has not multiplied lavishly on the earth4 ,only twice1 since the days of my friendship with ,billy1 have ,i encountered that name4 ,there is1 or was1 a wayside public-house in ,devonshire1 the landlord of which was a ,plosive2 it bore the sign of the ,dog and ,ladle1 which the signboard interpreted by a picture of a large retriever in precipitate flight with a tin ladle tied to his tail4 ,the other ,plosive of my acquaintance kept a shop in a ,canadian city2 he was a ,french half-breed1 and1 as ,i have heard1 a great rascal4 ,billy's father was said to have been a ,roman ,catholic2 and ,i infer from the name he bestowed on his son that he had a turn for waggishness of a sort4 ,plosive senior must have foreseen what would happen4 ,no sooner1 of course1 was the name ,william ,x4 ,plosive seen on the outside of the poor boy's copy-books than a whisper passed through the whole school--,billy ,burst4 ,and that name remained with him to the end4 ,it was more appropriate than its bestowers knew4 ,when did ,billy burst8 ,why did ,billy burst8 ,will ,billy burst again8 and a hundred questions of the like order were asked all day long apropos of nothing4 ,they were shouted in the playground4 ,they were whispered in the class4 ,they broke the silence of the dormitory in the dead of night4 ,with them we relieved our pent-up feelings in hours of tedium or of gloom4 ,introduced pianissimo1 they profaned the daily half-hour devoted to the study of ,divinity4 ,innumerable impositions followed in their train4 ,one morning the ,rev4 ,cyril ,puttock1 ,m4,a41 who took us in ,divinity1 saw written large on the blackboard in front of him these words3 ,what burst ,billy8 ,i spent my next half-holiday in writing out the ,beatitudes a hundred times4 ,billy and ,i slept in the same dormitory and our beds were side by side4 ,both of us were bad sleepers1 and many a deep affinity did our souls discover in the silent watches of the night4 ,as a place to observe the workings of telepathy ,i know of no spot on earth to compare with the dormitory of a boarding-school4 ,the atmosphere of our dormitory was1 if ,i may say so1 in a state of chronic telepathic saturation1 and the area where the currents ran strongest was in the space between ,billy's bed and mine4 ,this is the sort of thing that would go on3 ,billy1 are you awake8 ,yes2 ,i knew you were4 ,shall we talk8 ,i want to1 ever so4 ,i say1 we are going to have that beastly pudding for dinner to-morrow4 ,that's just what ,i want to talk about4 ,i've got an idea4 ,billy1 ,i found out yesterday where they cook those puddings4 ,they boil them in the copper of the outhouse1 and the cook leaves them there while she looks after the rest of the dinner4 ,ripping6 answered ,billy4 ,i'll tell you what we'll do4--,hush6 ,is old ,ginger awake8--,all right4 ,well1 we'll sneak into the outhouse to-morrow when the cook isn't looking1 pinch the puddings out of the copper and chuck 'em in the pond4 ,why1 ,billy1 that's just what ,i was going to say to you4 ,but won't we scald ourselves8 ,i've thought of that4 ,we'll get the garden fork and jab it into the puddings4 ,they boil 'em in bags1 you know4 ,there's a better way than that4 ,we'll get in before the copper has begun to boil4 ,i hadn't thought of that1 but ,i was just going to1 said ,billy4 ,yes1 that's the way4 ,enterprises such as these1 however1 were episodic1 and merely serve to show how great souls1 born under the same star1 and united in the grand trend of their life-directions1 share also the minor details of their activity4 ,the seat of our affinities lay deeper4 ,both ,billy and ,i were persons with an end in life1 and breathed in common the atmosphere of great designs4 ,we were like two young trees planted side by side on a breezy hill-top4 ,our roots were in the same soil2 our branches swayed to the same rhythm2 we heard the same secrets from the whispering winds4 ,we were always on the heights4 ,few were the days of our companionship when we were not infatuated about something or other2 and ,i sometimes doubt whether even yet ,i have outgrown the habit1 so deep was its spring in my own nature and so strong the reinforcement it received from the influence of ,billy4 ,sometimes we were infatuated about the same thing2 and sometimes each of us struck out an independent line of his own2 but always we were the victims of one mania or another4 ,at the time this history begins the particular mania that afflicted me was the collecting of tramcar tickets4 ,my friends used to save them for me2 ,i begged them from passengers as they alighted from the cars2 ,i picked them up in the street2 and ,i had over seven thousand collected in a box4 ,i thought that when the sum had risen to ten thousand the goal of my existence would be reached2 and it may be said that ,i lived for little else4 ,billy's mania was astronomy4 ,he would spend the hours of his playtime lying on his stomach with a map of the stars spread out before him on the floor4 ,billy was a great astronomer--in secret4 ,on the very day when he and ,i were being initiated into the mysteries of ,decimals1 he whispered to me in class1 ,i say1 ,i wonder how people found out the weight of the planets4 ,he was an absent-minded boy1 and many a clout on the head did he receive at this time for paying no attention to what was going on in class4 ,little did the master know what ,billy was thinking of as he stared at the wall before him with his great1 dreamy eyes--and not for ten thousand worlds would ,billy have told him4 ,he was thinking about the weight of the planets1 and the problem lay heavy on his soul2 and ,billy grew ever more absent-minded1 and spent more time on his stomach every day4 ,at last he suddenly waked up and began to get top-marks not only in ,arithmetic but in every other subject as well4 ,and later on1 when we came to the ,quadratic ,equations and the ,higher ,geometry1 the master was amazed to find that ,billy required no teaching at all4 ,what has happened to ,billy8 asked somebody2 and the answer came1 ,why1 of course1 ,billy has burst4 ,so he had4 ,billy had found out how they weighed the planets1 and the mass of darkness that oppressed him had been blown away in the explosion4 ,about the same time ,i burst also4 ,on counting up my tickets ,i found there were ten thousand of them4 ,then came a pause1 during which ,billy and ,i wandered about in dry places seeking rest and finding none4 ,life lost its spring and the world seemed very flat1 stale1 and unprofitable4 ,conversation flagged1 or became provocative of irritable rejoinders4 ,i say1 what are you going to do with all those tramcar tickets8 asked ,billy one day4 ,oh1 shut up6 ,i replied4 ,shortly afterwards it was my turn4 ,billy1 tell me what they mean by 'sidereal time4' ,oh1 shut up6 said he4 ,we were both waiting for the new birth1 or the new explosion1 utterly unconscious of our condition4 ,but the ,powers-that-be were maturing their preparations1 and1 all being complete1 they put the match to the train in the following manner4 ,the usual exchange of measles and whooping-cough had been going on in our school1 and ,billy and ,i being convalescent from the latter complaint1 to which we had both succumbed at the same time1 were sent out one day to take an airing in the ,park4 ,on passing down a certain walk1 shaded by planes1 we noticed a very old gentleman seated in a bath-chair which had been wheeled under the shadow of one of the trees4 ,he sat in the chair with his head bent forward on his chest1 and his wasted hands were spread out on the cover4 ,he seemed an image of decrepitude1 a symbol of approaching death4 ,he was absolutely still4 ,a young woman on the bench beside him was reading aloud from a book4 ,i think it was the immobility of the old man that first arrested our attention4 ,the moment we saw him we stopped dead in our walk and stood1 motionless as the figure before us1 staring at what we saw4 ,we just stared without thinking1 but even at this long distance ,i can remember a vague emotion that stirred me1 as though ,i had suddenly heard the wings of time beating over my innocent head1 or as though a faint scent of death had arisen in the air around2 such1 ,i suppose1 as horses or dogs may feel when they pass over the spot where a man has been slain4 ,suddenly ,billy ,burst clutched my arm--he had a habit of doing that4 ,i say1 he whispered1 let's go up to him and ask him to tell us the time4 ,we crept up to the bath-chair like two timid animals1 literally sniffing the air as we went4 ,neither the old man nor his companion had noticed us1 and it was not until we had both stopped in front of them that the reader looked up from her book4 ,the old man was still unaware of our presence4 ,if you please1 said ,billy1 would you mind telling us the time8 ,at the sound of ,billy's voice the old man seemed to wake from his dream4 ,he lifted his head and listened1 as though he heard himself summoned from a far point in space2 and his eyes wandered vaguely from side to side unable to focus the speaker4 ,then they fell on ,billy and his gaze was arrested4 ,now ,billy was a beautiful person--the very image of his mater4 ,the eyes of the houri were his1 the lids slightly elevated at the outer angle2 he had the mouth of them that are born to speak good things2 and about his brow there played a light which made you dream of high ,olympus and of ancestors who had lived with the gods4 ,yes1 there was a star on ,billy's forehead2 and this star it was that arrested the gaze of the old man4 ,a look of indescribable pleasure overspread the withered face4 ,it almost seemed as if1 for a moment1 youth returned to him1 or as if a breath of spring had awakened in the midst of the winter's frost4 ,the time1 laddie8 said he1 ,why1 yes1 of course ,i can give you the time2 as much of it as you want4 ,for1 don't you see1 ,i'm a very old fellow--ninety-one last birthday2 which ,i should think is not more than eighty years older than you1 my little man4 ,so ,i've plenty of time to spare4 ,but don't take too much of it1 my laddie4 ,it's not good for little chaps like you4 ,now1 how much of the time would you like8 ,the correct time1 if you please1 sir1 said ,billy1 ignoring the quantitative form in which the question had been framed4 ,so the old gentleman gave us the correct time4 ,when we had passed on1 ,i looked back and saw that he was talking eagerly to his companion and pointing at ,billy4 ,i'll tell you what1 said ,billy as soon as we were out of hearing4 ,i've found out something4 ,it does old gentlemen good to ask them the time4 ,let's ask some more4 ,so for an hour or more we wandered about looking out for old gentlemen--to do them good4 ,several whom we met were rejected by ,billy on the ground that they were not old enough1 and allowed to pass unquestioned4 ,some three or four came up to the standard1 and at each experiment we found that our magic formula worked with wonderful success4 ,it provoked smiles and kind words2 it pleased the old gentlemen2 it did them good4 ,old hands were laid on young shoulders2 old faces lit up2 old watches were pulled out of old pockets4 ,one was a marvel with a long inscription on the gold back of it4 ,and the old gentleman showed us the inscription1 which stated that the watch had been presented to him by his supporters for his services to political progress and for the gallant way in which he had fought the election at ,so-and-so in #ahfg4 ,yes1 it did the old gentlemen good4 ,but1 be it observed1 ,billy was the spokesman every time4 ,from that time onward1 ,billy and ,i were ,masters in ,magic1 no less1 infatuated with our calling and devoted to our formula4 ,the star-books were bundled into ,billy's play-box2 the ten thousand tramcar tickets were thrown into the fire4 ,never since the world began1 thought we1 had a more glorious game been invented1 never had so important an enterprise been conceived by the wit of man and entrusted to two apostles twelve years old4 ,a world-wide mission to old gentlemen was ours4 ,who would have believed there were so many of them8 ,they seemed to spring into existence1 to gather themselves from the four quarters of the earth1 in order that they might receive the healing touch of our formula4 ,we met them in the street1 in the ,park1 by the river1 at the railway station1 coming out of church--everywhere4 ,and all were completely in our power4 ,oh1 it was magnificent6 ,so it went on for three or four weeks4 ,but a shock was in store for us4 ,at first1 as ,i have said1 ,billy was the spokesman4 ,but there came a day when it seemed good that some independence of action should be introduced into the partnership4 ,billy went one way and ,i another4 ,going on alone1 ,i presently espied an old gentleman1 of promising antiquity1 walking briskly down one of the gravel paths4 ,he was intermittently reading a newspaper4 ,trotting up behind him1 ,i observed that in the intervals of his reading he would be talking to himself4 ,he would read for half a minute and then1 whipping the newspaper behind his back1 begin to declaim1 as though he were making a speech1 quickening his pace meanwhile1 so that ,i was hard put to it to keep up with him4 ,indeed ,i had to run1 and was out of breath when1 coming up alongside1 ,i popped out my question1 ,if you please1 sir1 what o'clock is it8 ,go to the devil6 growled the old ruffian4 ,and without pausing even to look at me he strode on1 continuing his declamation1 of which ,i happen to remember very distinctly these words3 ,i cannot1 my ,lords1 ,i will not1 join in congratulating the government on the disgrace into which they have brought the country4 ,i recall these words because they resembled something in a speech of ,chatham's which ,i had to learn by heart at school1 and ,i remember wondering whether the old gentleman was trying to learn the same speech and getting it wrong1 or whether he was making up something of his own4 ,be that as it may1 ,i had received a blow and my fondest illusion was shattered4 ,i was personally insulted4 ,as a professional magician ,i was flouted1 and my calling dishonoured4 ,and1 worst of all1 the magic had broken down4 ,for the first time the formula had failed to work--had done the old gentleman no good4 ,it cut me to the heart4 ,i ran about in great distress1 seeking ,billy1 whom finding presently ,i informed in general terms of what had happened4 ,what did you say to the old beast8 asked ,billy4 ,i said1 ',if you please1 sir1 what o'clock is it8' ,oh1 you ass6 cried ,billy4 ,those are the wrong words4 ,if you'd said1 ',would you mind telling me the time8' he'd have gone down like a ninepin4 ,only cads say 'what o'clock4' ,he thought you were a cad6 ,oh1 you idiot6 ,leave me to do it next time4 ,thus it came to pass that the partnership was resumed on its old basis1 with ,billy as the predominant member and spokesman of the ,firm4 ,and now we entered on what ,i still regard as an enterprise of pith and moment4 ,we determined1 after long colloquy in the bedroom1 to waylay this recalcitrant old gentleman once more1 and repeat our question in its proper form1 and with ,billy as spokesman4 ,had ,i been alone1 my courage would certainly have failed to carry me through4 ,but with ,billy at my side ,i was never afraid of anything either then or afterwards4 ,o ,billy1 if only you had been with me--then--and then--if only ,i had felt your presence when the great waters went over me1 if only ,i could have seen your tilted dreaming eyes when--,i would have made a better thing of it1 indeed ,i would6 ,but one was taken and the other left2 and ,i had to fight those battles alone--alone1 but not forgetful of you4 ,i did not fight them very well1 ,billy2 and yet not so ill as ,i should have done had ,i never known you4 ,well1 for several days the declaiming gentleman1 whom we now knew as the old beast1 and never called by any other name1 failed to appear4 ,but at last we caught sight of him1 striding along and violently whipping his newspaper behind his back1 just as before4 ,on the former occasion1 when ,i was alone1 ,i had operated from the rear1 but with ,billy in support1 ,i proposed that we should attack from the front4 ,so we threw ourselves in his path and marched steadily to meet him4 ,on he came1 and as he drew near1 down went the newspaper1 and1 as though he were spitting poison1 he hissed out from between his teeth a fearful sentence1 of which the last words were3 the most iniquitous government that has ever betrayed and abused the confidence of a sovereign people--staring meanwhile straight over our heads4 ,if you please1 sir1 said ,billy in his singing voice1 would you mind telling us the time8 ,go to---- ,but at that moment the gentleman lowered his fierce old eyes and encountered the gaze of ,billy1 who was standing full in his path4 ,have you ever seen a wild beast suddenly grow tame8 ,i have not1 but ,i saw something like it on the occasion of which ,i speak4 ,never did a swifter or more astonishing change pass over the countenance of any human being4 ,i really think the old fellow suffered a physical shock1 for he stepped back two paces and looked for a moment like one who has been seriously hurt4 ,then he recovered himself2 lowered his spectacles to the tip of his nose2 gazed over them1 at me for a moment1 at ,billy for a quarter of a minute1 and finally broke out into a hearty laugh4 ,well1 he exclaimed1 in the merriest of voices1 you're a couple of young rascals4 ,what are your names1 and how old are you1 and what school do you belong to1 and who are your fathers8 ,we answered his questions in a fairly business-like manner until we came to that about the fathers4 ,here there was an interlude4 ,for ,billy had to explain1 in succession1 that he had no father1 and no mother1 and no brothers1 and no sisters--indeed1 no relations at all that he knew of4 ,and there was some emotion at this point4 ,bless my soul1 said the old gentleman1 that's very sad--very sad indeed4 ,but who pays for your schooling8 ,a friend of my mater's1 said ,billy4 ,he's very good to me and has me to his house for the holidays4 ,and gives you plenty of pocket-money8 ,lots1 answered ,billy4 ,the old gentleman ruminated1 and there was more emotion4 ,then you are not an unhappy boy8 he said at length4 ,not a bit1 answered ,billy4 ,thank ,god for that6 ,thank ,god for that6 ,i should be very sorry to learn you were unhappy4 ,i hope you never will be4 ,you don't look unhappy4 ,i'm not1 repeated ,billy4 ,all this time the old gentleman seemed quite unconscious of my existence4 ,but ,i was not hurt by that4 ,i was well used to being overlooked when ,billy was with me1 and never questioned for a moment the justice of the arrangement4 ,but now the old gentleman seemed to recollect himself4 ,what was it you asked me just now8 said he4 ,we asked if you would mind telling us the time4 ,ha1 just so4 ,now are you quite sure that what you asked for is what you want8 ,you said 'the time' not 'time4' ,for you must know1 my dears1 that there's a great difference between 'time' and 'the time4' ,billy and ,i looked at each other1 perplexed and disgusted--perplexed by the subtle distinction just drawn by the old gentleman2 disgusted at being addressed as my dears4 7,he might as well have given us a kiss while he was about it1 we thought47 ,we want the time1 if you please1 we said at length4 ,what1 the whole of it8 said the old gentleman4 ,no1 answered ,billy1 we only want the bit of it that's going on now4 ,which bit is that8 said our venerable friend4 ,that's just what we want to know1 answered ,billy4 ,this fairly floored the old gentleman4 ,you'll be a great ,parliamentary debater one day1 my boy1 he said1 but the bit of time that's going on now is not an easy thing to catch4 ,my watch can't catch it4 ,give us the best your watch can do1 answered ,billy4 ,this made the old fellow laugh again4 ,better and better1 said he4 ,well1 the best my watch can do is a quarter past twelve4 ,and that reminds me that you two young scamps have made me late for an appointment4 ,now be good boys1 both of you2 and don't forget to write every week to your moth--to your friends4 ,and put that in your pockets4 ,whereupon he gave each of us half-a-sovereign4 ,we walked on in silence1 not pondering what had happened1 for we pondered nothing in those days1 but serenely conscious of triumph4 ,a potent secret was in our hands and the world was at our feet4 ,it worked1 said ,billy at length4 ,rather6 ,i answered4 ,it did him good4 ,rather6 ,we beat him4 ,rather6 ,presently we were greeted by the ,park-keeper1 who was a friend of ours4 ,well1 young hopefuls1 he said1 and who have you been asking the time of to-day8 ,we pointed to the old gentleman whose figure was still visible in the distance4 ,him6 cried the ,park-keeper4 ,well1 bless your rascal impudence6 ,do you know who he is8 ,no4 ,why1 he's ,lord----4 ,the name mentioned was that of a distinguished member of the ,cabinet which had recently gone out of office4 ,did we quail and cower at the mention of that mighty name8 ,did we cover ourselves with confusion8 ,not we4 ,i'm awfully glad we asked him1 said ,billy as we walked away4 ,so am ,i--,i say1 ,billy1 ,i wish we could meet the ,pope4 ,he's jolly old1 and ,i'll bet he's jolly miserable1 too4 ,you shut up about his being miserable1 answered ,billy1 who1 as we know1 was a ,roman ,catholic4 ,he ain't half as miserable as the ,archbishop of ,canterbury4 ,i wish we could meet him6 ,or the ,emperor of ,germany1 ,i suggested4 ,yes1 he'd do4 ,i'd ask him1 and you bet he'd tell us4 ,but--and here ,billy's manner became explosive--,i'll tell you what6 ,i wish we could meet ,god6 ,he's a jolly sight older than the ,pope1 or the ,archbishop of ,canterbury1 or the ,emperor of ,germany4 ,i believe he'd like to be asked more than any of them4 ,and ,i'd ask him like a shot6 ,but he's not miserable1 ,i interposed4 ,how do you know he isn't--sometimes8 ,it would do him good anyhow4 ,i was getting out of my depth4 ,as a speculator ,i had none of the boldness which prompted the explosions of ,billy1 and an instinct of decency suggested a change of conversation4 ,what shall we do with those half-sovereigns8 ,i asked4 ,hush6 said ,billy1 they'll hear you4 ,who'll hear me8 ,never mind who4 ,they're listening1 you bet4 ,never say 'half-sovereigns' again4 ,but what are we to do with them8 ,keep them4 ,let's put a cross on each of them at once4 ,so we took out the coins1 and with our penknives we scratched a cross on the cheek of her gracious ,majesty1 ,queen ,victoria4 ,both coins are now in my possession4 ,the cross on the cheek of ,queen ,victoria has worked wonders4 ,it has brought me good luck4 ,in return ,i have hedged the coins with safeguards both moral and material4 ,when ,i am gone they will be----,but ,i am anticipating4 ,and now the fever was in full possession of our souls4 ,i believe we were secretly determined to bring all the old gentlemen in the world under the sway of our formula4 ,we were beneficent magicians4 ,had we been older1 a vast prospect of social regeneration would have opened before us4 ,but all we knew at the time was that we possessed a power for rejuvenating the aged4 ,an ardent missionary fervour burned in our bones2 and we were swept along as by a whirlwind4 ,never was infatuation more complete4 ,as a preliminary step to the accomplishment of these great designs we resolved to ask ten thousand old gentlemen to tell us the time4 ,making a calculation1 we reckoned that1 at the normal rate of progress1 nine years would be required to complete the task4 ,we were a little disconcerted1 and1 in order to expedite matters1 we resolved to include old ladies1 and any young persons of either sex with grey hair1 or who1 in our opinion1 showed other signs of prematurely growing old4 ,this led on to further extensions4 ,we agreed1 first1 that anyone who looked miserable should have the benefit of our formula2 next1 that all limitations whatsoever1 save one1 should be withdrawn1 and the formula allowed a universal application4 ,the outstanding limitation was that nobody should be asked the question until he had been previously viewed by ,billy1 who was a psychologist1 and pronounced by him to be the right sort4 ,what constituted the right sort we never succeeded in defining2 enough that ,billy knew the right sort when he saw it and never made a mistake4 ,we believed that all mankind were divided into two classes1 the sheep and the goats2 in other words1 those who were worthy to be asked the time and those who were not1 and ,billy was the infallible judge for separating them the one from the other4 ,to ask the question of any person was to seal that person's election and to put upon him the stamp of immortality4 ,i believed1 and still believe1 that many whom we accosted were instantly conscious of a change for the better in their general conditions4 ,years afterwards ,i met a man who remembered these things and bore testimony to the good we had done him4 ,it so happened1 said he1 that just before ,i met you boys1 that day1 ,i had been speculating heavily on the ,stock ,exchange and had had a run of infernal bad luck4 ,but the moment that little chap with the tilted eyes spoke to me ,i said to myself1 ',the clouds are breaking4' ,and1 by ,george1 sir1 my luck turned that very day4 ,i walked straight to the telegraph office and sent my broker a wire which netted me a matter of ,l#gjjj4 ,as became a firm of business-like magicians1 ,billy and ,i kept books1 duly averaged and balanced1 entering in them day by day the names of the persons to whom we had applied the formula4 ,are the names worthy of being recorded8 ,perhaps not4 ,but a few specimens will do no harm and may incidentally serve to reveal the scope and catholicity of our operations4 ,one of these books is before me now1 and here are a few of the names1 culled almost at random from its pages4 ,it will be observed that in the last group our faculty of invention gave out and we were compelled to plagiarise4 ,mr ,smoky1 ,mr ,shinytopper1 ,uncle ,jelly-bones1 ,aunt ,ginger1 ,lady ,peppermint1 ,bishop ,butter1 ,canon ,sweaty1 ,dirty ,boots1 ,holy ,toad1 ,satan1 ,old ,hurry1 ,old ,bless-my-soul1 ,old ,chronometer1 ,miss ,no-watch1 ,dr ,beard1 ,lord ,splutters1 ,aurora1 ,mrs ,proud1 ,polly ,sniggers1 ,diamond ,pin1 ,cigar1 ,cuttyperoozle1 ,jim1 ,alfred ,dear6 ,mr ,just-engaged1 ,miss ,ditto1 ,mr ,catch-his-train1 ,mr ,hot1 ,the ,reverend ,hum1 ,the ,reverend ,ha-ha1 ,so-there-you-be1 ,mrs ,robin1 ,mr ,high-mind1 ,mr ,love-lust1 ,mr ,heady4 ,,ii ,all of a sudden1 and in the most unexpected manner1 these vast designs of ours contracted their dimensions1 or1 as one might say1 our outlook became focussed on a solitary point4 ,from a world-wide mission to all mankind we narrowed down at a single stroke to a concentrated operation on a strictly limited class4 ,but ,i can tell you that what our mission lost in scope it gained in intensity4 ,you shall hear how all this happened and judge for yourself4 ,one night ,billy and ,i were lying awake as usual1 and the question shall we talk8 had been asked and duly answered in the affirmative4 ,we had raised ourselves in bed1 leaning toward each other1 and the telepathic current was running strong4 ,billy1 ,i whispered1 ,i've got a ripping notion1 a regular stunner4 ,i'm bursting to tell you4 ,what is it8 ,put your ear a little closer1 ,billy1 and listen like mad4 ,suppose you were to meet a beautiful woman--what would you do8 ,quick as thought came the answer--,i should ask her to tell me the time4 ,why1 that's exactly what ,i should do4 ,we'll do it1 the very next time we meet one4 ,and1 ,billy1 ,i'm sure we shall meet one soon4 ,so am ,i4 ,next day1 the instant we were freed from school we bolted for the ,park1 exalted in spirit and full of resolution4 ,a lovely ,presence floated in the light above us and accompanied us as we ran4 ,arrived in the ,park1 we seemed to have reached the threshold of a new world4 ,we stood on a peak in ,darien2 and before us there shimmered an enchanted sea lit by the softest of lights and tinted with the fairest of colours4 ,forces as old as the earth and as young as the dawn were stirring within us2 the breath of spring was in our souls1 and a vision of living beauty1 seen only in the faintest of glimpses1 lured us on4 ,think not that we lacked discrimination4 ,let's wait1 ,billy1 ,i said1 as he made a dart forward at a girl in a white frock1 till we find one beautiful enough4 ,that one won't do4 ,look at the size of her feet4 ,whackers6 said he1 checking himself4 ,and then he made a remark which ,i have often thought was the strangest thing ,billy ever uttered4 ,i wouldn't be surprised1 came the solemn whisper1 if her feet were made of clay4 ,so day by day we ranged the ,park1 sometimes together1 sometimes separate1 possessed of one thought only--that of a woman beautiful enough to be asked the time4 ,hundreds of faces--and forms--were examined1 sometimes to the surprise of their owners2 but the more we examined1 the more inexorable1 the more difficult to satisfy1 became our ideal4 ,at each fresh contact with reality it rose higher and outran the facts of life1 until we were on the point of concluding that the world contained no woman beautiful enough to be asked the time4 ,never were women stared at with greater innocence of heart1 but never were they judged by a more fastidious taste4 ,and yet we had no definable criterion4 ,of each new specimen examined all we could say was1 ,that one won't do4 ,but why she wouldn't do we didn't know4 ,we never disagreed4 ,what wouldn't do for ,billy wouldn't do for me1 and vice versa4 ,once we met a charming little girl about our own age1 walking all alone4 ,that's the one6 cried ,i4 ,come on1 ,billy4 ,i started forward1 ,billy close behind4 ,presently he clutched my jacket1 ,stop6 he said1 ,what if she has no watch8 ,the little girl was running away4 ,we've frightened her1 said ,billy1 who was a little gentleman4 ,we're two beasts4 ,she heard what you said about the watch1 ,i answered1 and thought we wanted to steal it4 ,she had one after all4 ,billy1 we've lost our chance4 ,as we went home that day1 something gnawed cruelly at our hearts4 ,things had gone wrong4 ,an ideal world had been on the point of realisation1 and a freak of contingency had spoiled it4 ,in another moment time would have been revealed to us by one worthy to make the revelation4 ,but the sudden thought of a watch had ruined all4 ,once more we had tasted the tragic quality of life4 ,with ardour damped but not extinguished1 we continued the quest day after day4 ,but we were now half-hearted and we became aware of a strange falling-off in the beauty of the ladies who frequented the ,park4 ,we shall never find her here1 said ,billy4 ,let's try the walk down by the river4 ,they are better-looking down there1 especially on ,sunday afternoon4 ,and ,i'll bet you most of them have watches4 ,the very day on which ,billy made this proposal another nasty thing happened to us4 ,we were summoned into the ,headmaster's study and informed that complaints had reached him concerning two boys who were in the habit of walking about in the ,park and staring in the rudest manner at the young ladies1 and making audible remarks about their personal appearance4 ,were we the culprits8 ,we confessed that we were4 ,what did we mean by it8 ,we were silent3 not for a whole ,archipelago packed full of buried treasure would we have answered that question4 ,did we consider it conduct worthy of gentlemen8 ,we said we did not1 though as a matter of fact we did4 ,dark hints of flagitiousness were thrown out1 which our innocence wholly failed to comprehend4 ,the foolish man then gave himself away by telling us that whenever we met ,miss ,overbury's school on their daily promenade we were to walk on the other side of the road4 ,billy and ,i exchanged meaning glances3 we knew now who had complained 7as though we would ever think of asking them to tell us the time674 ,finally we were forbidden1 under threat of corporal chastisement1 to enter the ,park under any pretexts or circumstances whatsoever4 ,the old spouter doesn't know1 said ,i to ,billy as we left the room1 that we've already made up our minds not to go there again4 ,what a 'suck-in' for him6 ,necessity having thus combined with choice1 the scene of our quest was now definitely shifted to the river-bank1 where a broad winding path1 with seats at intervals1 ran under the willows4 ,here a new order of beauty seemed to present itself1 and our hopes ran high4 ,several promising candidates presented themselves at once4 ,one1 ,i remember1 wore a scarlet feather2 another carried a gray muff4 ,the scarlet feather was my fancy2 the gray muff ,billy's4 ,i think it was on the occasion of our third visit to the river that the crisis came4 ,we sat down on the bank and held a long consultation4 ,well1 said ,billy at last1 ,i'm willing to ask ,scarlet ,feather4 ,she's ripping4 ,her nose takes the cake2 but1 mind you1 ,gray ,muff has the prettier boots4 ,and ,i know ,scarlet ,feather has a watch--,i saw the chain when we passed her just now4 ,but before deciding ,i'm going to have another look at ,gray ,muff4 ,she's just round the bend4 ,you wait here--,i'll be back in half a second4 ,i was left alone1 and for some minutes ,i continued to gaze at the flowing stream in front of me4 ,suddenly ,i saw1 dancing about on the surface of the water--but doubtless the whole thing was hallucination6 ,my nerves were in high tension at the moment1 and in those days ,i could have dreams without going to sleep4 ,the dream was interrupted by the sudden return of ,billy4 ,he was white as the tablecloth and trembling all over4 ,come on6 he gasped4 ,i've found the very one6 ,quick1 quick1 or she'll be gone6 ,is it ,gray ,muff8 ,i asked4 ,no1 no4 ,it's another4 ,the ,very ,one1 ,i tell you4 ,the ,one we've been looking for4 ,billy1 ,i said1 ,i've just seen a ,good ,one too4 ,she was dancing about on the water4 ,oh1 rot6 cried ,billy4 ,mine's the ,one6 ,come on1 ,i say6 ,i'm certain she won't wait4 ,she looked as though she wouldn't sit still for a single minute4 ,what is she like1 ,billy8 ,i asked as we hurried away4 ,she's--oh1 she's the exact image of my mater6 he said4 ,billy's mater had died about a year ago4 ,at the age of twelve ,i had been deeply in love with her1 and to this hour her image remains with me as the type of all that is most lovely and commendable in woman4 ,o ,billy's mater1 will these eyes ever see you again8 ,how glad ,i am to remember you6 ,i know where you lie buried1 but ,i doubt if there lives another soul who could find your resting-place4 ,harshly were you judged and conveniently were you forgotten6 ,but ,i will scatter lilies on your grave this very night4 ,well1 we ran with all our might4 ,scarlet ,feather1 ,gray ,muff1 and the dancing good one on the surface of the water were clean forgotten as if they had never existed--as perhaps one of them never did4 ,just like my mater6 ,billy kept gasping4 ,hurry up6 ,i tell you she won't wait6 ,she's on the seat watching the water2 no1 not that seat4 ,it's round the next bend but one4 ,we turned the bend and came in sight of the seat where ,billy had seen what he saw4 ,the seat was empty4 ,we looked round us3 not a soul was in sight4 ,we checked our pace and in utter silence1 and very slowly1 crept up to the empty seat1 gazing round us as we walked4 ,was there ever such a melancholy walk6 ,oh1 what a ,via ,dolorosa we found it6 ,arrived at the seat1 ,billy felt it all over with his hands and1 finding nothing1 flung himself face downwards on the turf and uttered the most lamentable cry ,i have ever heard4 ,i knew she wouldn't wait1 he moaned4 ,oh1 why weren't we quicker6 ,oh1 why didn't ,i ask her the time the minute ,i saw her6 ,as1 shattered and silent1 we crawled back to school1 continually loitering to gaze at a world that was all hateful1 ,i realised with a feeling of awe that ,i had become privy to something deep in ,billy's soul4 ,and ,i inwardly resolved that1 so far as ,i could1 ,i would set the matter right1 and put friendship on a footing of true equality1 by telling ,billy the deepest secret of mine4 ,billy1 ,i said1 as we lay wakeful in the small hours of the next morning1 come and stay with us next holidays1 and ,i will show you something4 ,what is it8 ,you wait and see4 ,the great adventure was over4 ,it had ended in disaster and tears4 ,never again did ,billy and ,i ask any human being to tell us the time4 ,,iii ,in those days ,i was a great metaphysician4 ,unassisted by any philosopher1 ancient or modern1 ,i had made a discovery in the metaphysical line4 ,this discovery was my secret4 ,in the church-tower of the village where ,i was nurtured there was an ancient and curious clock1 said to have been brought from ,spain by a former owner of the parish4 ,this clock was worked by an enormous pendulum which hung down1 through a slit in the ceiling1 into the body of the church1 swinging to and fro at the west end of the nave4 ,its motion was even and beautiful2 and the sight of it fascinated me continually through the hours of divine service4 ,to those who were not attentive1 the pendulum was inaudible2 but if you listened you could detect a gentle tick1 tock1 between the pauses of the hymns or the parson's voice4 ,let us pray1 said the parson4 ,tick1 whispered the pendulum4 ,we beseech ,thee-- cried the clerk1 7tick672--to hear us1 good ,lord 7tock674 ,the clerk had unconsciously fallen into the habit of timing his cadence in the responses to correspond with these whispers of the pendulum4 ,for my part1 ,i used to think that this correspondence was the most beautiful arrangement in the universe4 ,i loved the even motion of the pendulum2 but ,i loved the faithful whispers more4 ,to this day ,i have only to shut my eyes on entering a village church1 and sit still for half a minute1 and sure enough1 stealing through the silence1 comes the tick1 tock of that ancient pendulum4 ,of all the religious instruction ,i received during the eight or nine years we attended that church ,i confess ,i have not the faintest recollection4 ,i cannot remember whether the sermons were good or bad1 long or short1 high1 low1 or broad4 ,i know they never wearied me1 for ,i never listened to a word that was said4 ,the pendulum saw to that4 ,there were two parsons in our time4 ,the first1 ,i have heard1 was a very good man1 but by no effort of memory can ,i recall what he was like4 ,the second ,i do remember1 and could draw his face on this sheet of paper1 were ,i to try4 ,i respected and admired him1 not1 ,i am sorry to say1 for the purity of his life or his faithfulness in preaching the ,gospel1 but because he had fought and licked our gardener1 whom ,i detested1 outside the village ,pub4 ,with a little concentration of mind ,i can reconstruct the scene in church during this parson's tenure of office4 ,i can see the rascal eminent in his pulpit1 plodding through his task4 ,i can hear the thud of the hymn-book which my father used to toss into the clerk's pew when he thought the sermon had lasted long enough3 immediately the sermon stops and a great bull-voice roars out1 ,now to ,god the ,father1 and so on4 ,but all such incidents are as a fringe to the main theme of my memory--the restless curve of the swinging disc1 and the whispered syllables of ,time4 ,the question that haunted me was this3 ,did the pendulum stop on reaching the highest point of the ascending arc8 ,did it pause before beginning the descent8 ,and if it stopped1 did time stop with it8 ,i answered both questions in the affirmative4 ,well1 then1 what was a second8 ,did the stoppage at the end of the swing make the second1 or was the second made by the swing1 the movement between the two points of rest8 ,i concluded that it was the stoppage4 ,for1 mark you1 it takes a second for the pendulum to reach the stopping point on either side2 therefore there can be no second till that point is reached2 the second must wait for the stoppage to do the business4 ,i saw no other way of getting any seconds4 ,and if no seconds1 no minutes2 and if no minutes1 no hours1 no days1 and therefore no time at all--which is absurd4 ,i found great peace in this conclusion2 but none the less ,i continued to support it by collateral reasonings1 and by observation4 ,in particular ,i determined1 for reasons of my own1 to make a careful survey of the hands of the clock4 ,with this object ,i borrowed my father's field-glass1 and1 retiring to a convenient point of observation1 focussed it on the clock-face4 ,instantly a startling phenomenon sprang into view4 ,i saw that the big hand of the clock1 instead of moving evenly as it seemed to do when viewed by the naked eye1 was visibly jerking on its way1 in time with the seconds that were being ticked off by the pendulum inside4 ,by ,george1 the hand was going jerk1 jerk6 ,the pendulum and the hand were moving together6 ,jerk went the hand3 then a pause4 ,what's happening now8 thought ,i4 ,why the pendulum has just ticked and is going to tock4 ,tock it goes and--there you are6--jerk goes the hand again4 ,why1 of course1 ,i said to myself1 that proves it4 ,the hand stops1 as well as the pendulum4 ,the evidence of the hand corroborates the evidence of the pendulum4 ,the seconds must be the stoppages4 ,they can't be anything else4 ,there's nothing else for them to be4 ,i'll tell ,billy ,burst this very day6 ,but no1 ,i won't4 ,i'll wait till the holidays and show it him4 ,such was the secret which ,i resolved to impart to ,billy in return for what he had disclosed to me4 ,some months after this amazing discovery ,billy came down for the holidays4 ,he arrived late in the afternoon1 and ,i could hardly restrain my impatience while he was having his tea4 ,hardly had he swallowed the last mouthful when ,i had him by the jacket4 ,come on1 ,billy1 ,i cried4 ,i'm going to show you something--and we ran together to the church4 ,arrived there1 ,i placed him in front of the pendulum1 which seemed to be swinging that afternoon with an even friendlier motion than usual4 ,there6 ,i said1 look at him4 ,billy stood spell-bound4 ,oh1 you should have seen his face6 ,you should have seen his eyes slowly moving their lambent lights as they followed the rhythm of the pendulum from side to side4 ,if ,billy was hypnotised by the pendulum1 ,i was hypnotised by ,billy4 ,suddenly he clutched my arm in his wonted way4 ,i say1 he whispered1 it knows us4 ,here1 old chap 7addressing the pendulum71 you know us1 don't you8 ,you're glad to see us1 aren't you8 ,tick1 tock1 said the pendulum4 ,can't he talk--just6 said ,billy4 ,look at his eye6 ,he winked at me that time1 ,i'll swear4 ,and1 by the ,powers1 the very next time the pendulum reached the top of the arc ,i saw the crumpled metal in the middle of the disc double itself up and wink at me also1 plain as plain4 ,billy1 ,i said1 if we stare at him much longer we shall both go cracked4 ,let's go into the churchyard4 ,i've something else to show you4 ,so to the churchyard we went1 and there1 among the mouldering tombstones1 ,i expounded to ,billy my new theory as to the nature of ,time1 reserving the crowning evidence until ,billy had grasped the main principle4 ,so you see1 ,i concluded1 the seconds are the stoppages4 ,there aren't any stoppages1 said he4 ,pendulums don't stop4 ,how can they go down after coming up unless they stop between8 ,i asked4 ,wait till you get to the ,higher ,mathematics4 ,then where do the seconds come in8 ,they don't come in3 they are in all along4 ,then1 ,i said triumphantly1 look at that clock face4 ,can't you see how the big hand goes jerk1 jerk8 ,well1 what of that8 ,what of that8 ,why1 if the seconds aren't the stoppages1 what becomes of time between the jerks8 ,why1 answered ,billy1 it's plugging ahead all the time4 ,all what time8 ,i countered1 convinced now that ,i had him in a vicious circle4 ,blockhead6 cried ,billy4 ,don't you remember what that old ,johnny told us in the ,park8 ,there's all the difference in the world between the time and time4 ,i'll bet you can't tell me what the difference is4 ,yes1 ,i can4 ,it's the difference between the pendulum and the clock-hand4 ,look at the jerking old idiot6 ,that thing can't talk2 that thing can't wink2 that thing doesn't know us4 ,why1 you silly1 it only does what the pendulum tells it to do4 ,the pendulum knows what it's doing4 ,but that thing doesn't4 ,here1 let's go back into the church and have another talk with the jolly old chap6 99 99 99 99 99 ,ten years later when ,billy1 barely twenty-three1 had half finished a book which would have made him famous1 ,i handed him an essay by a distinguished philosopher1 and requested him to read it4 ,the title was ,on translating ,time into ,eternity4 ,when ,billy returned it1 ,i asked him how he had fared4 ,oh1 he answered1 ,i translated time into eternity without much difficulty4 ,but it was plugging ahead all the time4 ,shortly after that1 ,billy rejoined his mater--a victim to the same disease4 ,poor ,billy6 ,you brought luck to others2 ,god knows you had little yourself4 ,he died in a hospital1 without kith or kin to close his eyes4 ,the ,sister who attended him brought me a small purse which she said ,billy had very urgently requested her to give me4 ,on opening the purse ,i found in it a gold coin1 marked with a cross4 ,the nurse also told me that an hour before he died ,billy sat up suddenly in his bed and1 opening his eyes very wide1 said in a singing voice3 ,if you please1 ,sir1 would you mind telling me the time8 ,,all ,,men ,,are ,,ghosts ,i ,,dr ,,piecraft ,,becomes ,,confused ',to be or not to be--that is the question1' said ,hamlet3 ',to be is not to be--that is the answer1' said ,hegel4 ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft invented this couplet one night for his own edification1 as1 inert in body and despondent in mind1 he lay back in the arm-chair of his consulting-room4 ,there is more point1 he went on1 in ,hamlet's 'question' than in ,hegel's 'answer4' ,but the gospel is not in either4 ,both are futile as physic4 ,at all events1 neither of them brings any consolation to me4 ,dr ,piecraft was reflecting on the hardness of his lot4 ,ten years had elapsed since he first mounted his brass plate1 and he was still virtually without a practice4 ,he earned just enough from casual patients to pay his rent and keep body and soul together4 ,to be sure1 his father had left him a hundred a year2 but ,piecraft had given the old man a promise that he would look after ,jim4 ,now ,jim was a half-brother1 many years younger than himself2 and he was also the one being in the world whom ,piecraft loved with an undivided heart4 ,so the whole of his income from that source was ear-marked for the boy's education2 not for worlds would the doctor have spent a penny of it on himself4 ,he even denied himself cigars1 of which he was exceedingly fond1 restricting himself to the cheapest of tobacco1 in order that ,jim might have plenty of pocket-money2 and whenever the question arose as to who was to have a new suit of clothes1 ,jim or the doctor1 it was always ,jim who went smart and the doctor who went shabby4 ,he was over forty years of age1 and1 in his own eyes1 a failure4 ,yet no man could have done more to deserve success4 ,his medical qualifications were of the widest and highest2 diplomas of all sorts covered the walls of his consulting-room2 a gold medal for cerebral pathology lay in a glass case on his writing-table4 ,he was actively abreast of advancing medical science2 he had run into debt that he might keep himself supplied with the best literature of his profession1 and he was prepared at a moment's notice to treat a difficult case in the light of the latest discoveries at ,paris1 ,st ,petersburg1 or ,new ,york4 ,moreover1 he had led a clean life1 and was known among his friends as a man of irreproachable honour4 ,but somehow the patients seemed to avoid him1 and only once in two years had he been summoned to a consultation4 ,to account for ,piecraft's failure as a medical man several theories were in circulation1 and it is probable that each of them contained an element of truth4 ,some persons would set it down to the shabbiness of his appearance1 or to the brusqueness of his manners1 or to the fact that his consulting-room often reeked with the fumes of cheap tobacco4 ,others would say that ,piecraft was constitutionally unable to practise those intelligent hesitations so often needed in the application of medical principles4 ,they would remind you of his fatal tendency to determine diagnosis on a sudden impulse1 which ,piecraft called psychological intuition1 and in illustration of this they would tell you a story3 how once1 when the vicar's wife had brought her petted daughter to be treated for hysteria1 the fit happening to come on in the consulting-room1 ,piecraft had cured the young lady on the spot by soundly boxing her ears4 ,concerning this incident he had been taken severely to task by an intimate friend of his1 an old practitioner of standing4 ,it will be time enough to adopt those methods of treatment1 the friend had said to him1 when you are earning five thousand a year4 ,at the present stage of your career it is almost fatal4 ,learn so to treat a patient that the story of the cure when subsequently related after dinner may have the characteristics of ,high ,tragedy1 or at all events may reflect some credit on the sufferer4 ,help him to create a drama1 and see to it that he comes out ultimately as its hero4 ,don't you see that in the present instance you have spoilt a moving story1 than which nothing gives greater offence1 turning the whole situation into ,low ,comedy and making the patient a laughing-stock8 ,people will never stand that1 ,piecraft4 ,it is idle to insist that the cure was efficacious and permanent4 ,so no doubt it was4 ,a better remedy for that type of hysteria could not be devised4 ,but reflect on the fact that you have deprived the vicar's family of a legitimate opportunity for dramatic expression and dethroned the vicar's daughter from her place as heroine4 ,in short1 you have committed an outrage on the artistic rights of medicine1 and1 mark my words1 you will have to pay for it4 ,always remember1 ,piecraft1 that in medicine1 as in many other things1 it is not the act alone which ensures success1 but the gesture with which the act is accompanied4 ,moreover1 ,piecraft held a theory which he never took the least pains to conceal1 though it was extremely provoking to his patients both rich and poor4 ,his theory was that more than half the ailments of the human body are best treated by leaving them alone4 ,for example1 a certain old gentleman having consulted him about some senile malady1 the doctor had dismissed him with the following remark3 ,my dear sir1 the best remedy for the troubles of old age is to grow still older4 ,the matter is in your own hands4 ,many suchlike epigrams were reported of him1 and often they constituted the sole return which the patients received for the two guineas deposited on the table of the consulting-room4 ,obviously this kind of thing could not go on4 ,as most of his patients consulted ,piecraft because they wished to be extensively interfered with1 and objected to nothing so much as being left alone1 with or without an epigram to console them1 it followed of course that they seldom consulted him a second time4 ,but beneath these peripheral causes of irritation there lay a deeper offence4 ,the truth is that ,piecraft had made himself highly obnoxious to the members of his own profession1 and had acquired--though ,i doubt if he fully deserved it--the reputation of a traitor4 ,futile as physic was a phrase constantly on his lips2 and the words1 offensive as they were1 were only the foam that broke forth from the deeper waters of his treachery4 ,he had gone so far as to embark on a propaganda for what he called the ,simplification of ,medical ,practice1 publicly proposing that a ,society should be founded for that object2 and in pursuance of this proposal he had published a series of articles in which he had argued that the healing art is still dominated by the spirit of ,magic and encumbered with a mass of dogmatic assumptions and superstitious observances4 ,the ,seat of ,authority in ,therapeutics1 ,medicine without ,priest and without ,ritual1 ,big ,words and ,little ,bottles1 were the titles of some of these abominable essays4 ,the last-named especially had aroused great indignation1 not only by the excessively vehement language in which ,piecraft pleaded for simple and rational principles1 but far more by a caustic parallel he had drawn between the doings of a successful ,london practitioner and the ritual of a medicine-man among the ,australian aborigines4 ,the offence went deep1 and the matter became the more serious for ,piecraft because the indignation extended from the doctors to the theologians1 who suspected--though the suspicion was utterly unfounded--that under the cover of an attack on orthodox medicine he was really engaged in putting a knife1 from the back1 into official religion2 a suspicion which deprived the unfortunate doctor of every one of his clerical patients1 including their wives and daughters1 at a single stroke4 ,the combined effect of all these causes was1 of course1 disastrous4 ,if1 for example1 you happened to be suffering from a severe pain in the head--le mal des beaux esprits--which your family doctor had failed to cure1 and suggested to the latter that ,piecraft1 as a distinguished cerebral pathologist1 should be summoned to a consultation1 you were pretty certain to be met with this rejoinder3 ,yes1 ,piecraft has beyond all question an unrivalled knowledge of the human brain4 ,but please understand that if you call him in ,i shall have to retire from the case4 ,and if you pressed for further explanation you would at first be put off with airs of mystery which would gradually consolidate into some such statement as this3 ,well1 in the profession we don't regard ,piecraft as a medical man in the strict sense of the term4 ,he is really a literary man who has mistaken his vocation2 or1 ,nature intended ,piecraft for a popular agitator2 or1 ,piecraft's forte is journalism2 or1 ,piecraft's title of 'doctor' should always be written in inverted commas2 or1 ,piecraft is trying to live in two worlds1 the world of imagination and the world of pure science2 he will come to grief in both of them4 ,and once the prophetic remark was made3 ,piecraft's proper role is that of a character in the ,arabian ,nights4 ,i have been told1 too1 that one day the ,senior ,physician of the hospital where ,piecraft held a minor appointment overheard him muttering his favourite phrase by the bedside of a patient1 ,futile as physic6 futile as physic6 ,whereupon the ,senior ,physician stepped up to him and1 laying his hand on his shoulder in the kindest possible manner1 whispered in his ear1 ,resign1 ,piecraft2 resign6 99 99 99 99 99 ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft had no belief in the immortality of the soul3 his studies in cerebral pathology had disposed of that question long ago4 ,what a philosopher most requires1 he used to reflect1 is not so much a big brain of his own as a little knowledge of the brains of other people4 ,hamlet1 for example1 if he had studied ,yorick's brain instead of sentimentalising over his skull1 might have framed his question differently4 ,and as to ,hegel--well1 that thing knocked all the ,hegelism out of me1 and he glanced at the gold medal in the glass case4 ,but1 like many another man who disbelieves in the future life1 ,dr ,piecraft was not a little curious as to what might happen to him after death4 ,he was indulging that curiosity on the very evening we first encounter him4 ,there is a pill in that little bottle1 he was thinking1 which would end the whole wretched business in something less than thirty seconds4 ,i wonder ,i don't swallow it4 ,i should do it if it were not for ,jim4 ,but no1 ,i shouldn't6 ,hamlet1 old boy1 you were quite right4 ,i'm as big a coward as the rest of them4 ,there's just a chance that if ,i were to swallow that pill ,i should find myself in hell-fire in half a minute--and ,i'm not fool enough1 or not hero enough1 to run it4 ,of course1 there's just a chance of heaven too2 for1 after all1 ,i've been a decent sort of chap1 and1 as ,stevenson says1 there's an ultimate decency in the ,universe4 ,heaven6--my stars1 heaven doesn't attract me6 ,i've never yet heard a description of heaven which doesn't make it almost as bad as the other place4 ,extraordinary1 that when people try to conceive a better world than this they almost invariably picture something infinitely worse6 ,mahomet knew that3 'cute fellow1 ,mahomet4 ,and yet he was no more successful than the rest4 ,piecraft's reflections1 once started on that line1 plunged further4 ,i wonder what sort of heaven would attract me1 he thought4 ,let me see4 ,why1 yes6 ,if ,i could be sure of going to a place where ,i should be professionally busy all day long1 plenty of interesting and difficult cases1 and no need to worry about ,jim's education and his future--,i'd swallow the pill this instant4 ,by heaven1 ,i would6 ,i'd do harder things than that4 ,i'd stick it out in this wretched hole for another ten years1 ,i'd give up smoking shag1 ,i'd give up everything1 except ,jim--if only at the end of the time ,i could go to some heaven where the stream of patients would never cease6 ,i really don't think ,i could accept salvation on any other terms4 ,but wait6 ,yes1 there is just one other offer ,i would look at4 ,if only they'd let me go back to the old home in ,gower ,street1 if they'd make the old street look as it did in those days1 and smell as it did1 and give tobacco the same taste it had then1 and show me ,dad standing at the window with ,jim in his arms1 and let me be in love again with that nice girl at the ,slade ,school--yes1 and if they'd let me go into the shilling seats at the ,lyceum to see ,mary ,anderson as ,perdita--by ,gad1 ,i'd take the pill for that1 indeed ,i would6 ,he was pursuing these reflections when his housekeeper entered the room with three or four letters4 ,he looked them over1 and his face brightened when he saw that one of them was from his half-brother ,jim4 ,a pipe was instantly filled and ,piecraft re-settled himself in his arm-chair with the open letter in his hand4 ,jim's letter was dated from ,harrow and ran as follows3-- ,,dear ,,phip1--,many thanks for your congratulations on my eighteenth birthday and for the enclosure of two pounds4 ,don't be angry1 old chap1 when ,i tell you how ,i spent them4 ,i got leave at once to go down town1 and bought you a silk hat1 a pair of gloves1 some collars1 and a couple of ties4 ,you will get them all to-morrow1 and ,i hope the hat and gloves are the right size4 ,i am pretty sure they are4 ,i was half inclined to buy you a box of cigars1 but ,i thought you needed the other things more4 ,the fact of the case is1 ,phip1 ,i have definitely made up my mind to be a burden on you no longer4 ,true1 ,i might get a scholarship at the ',varsity1 as ,i got one at ,harrow4 ,but you would still have to pinch to maintain me2 and when ,i remember how long you have done it already1 ,i feel a perfect beast4 ,i am old enough now to understand what it means1 and ,i tell you1 ,phip1 that nothing will induce me to come back to ,harrow after the present term4 ,so please give notice at once4 ,i mean to go out to the ,colonies with a man from the ,modern ,side1 and ,i shall earn my living somehow--as a labourer if need be1 for ,i am big and strong enough4 ,indeed1 ,i would rather enlist than go on with this4 ,have you ever thought of trying to make a bit by writing1 ,phip8 ,i believe you could write a novel4 ,don't you remember what bully stories you used to tell me when ,i was a kid8 ,have a shot at it1 old boy4 ,there's a person here in the ,sixth who has a knack that way1 and he made a hundred pounds by a thing he wrote4 ,he got the tip for it out of a book on the art of novel-writing1 the advertisement of which ,i have cut out of the ,daily ,mail and send you enclosed4 ,i would have sent you the book itself had there been enough left out of the two pounds4 ,but there was only fourpence4 ,the ,head preached a capital sermon last night on the text1 ',of such is the ,kingdom of ,heaven4' ,the instant he gave out the words ,i thought of you1 old ,phip4 ,and ,i went on thinking of you till he had done4 ,that's how ,i know the sermon was a good one1 though ,i didn't listen to another word4 ,anything that makes me think of you must be good4 ,phip1 you are a dead cert4 for heaven when you die4 ,but don't die yet1 there's a good chap4 ,for if you go1 ,i shall go too4--,ever yours1 ,,jim4 ,p4,s4--,don't forget to give notice that ,i am leaving this term4 ,when ,dr ,piecraft laid down the letter his eyes were full of tears4 ,the only bit of heaven that's left me1 he said aloud1 is going to be taken away4 ,there's one person in the world1 anyhow1 who doesn't think me a failure4 ,if you go to the ,colonies1 ,jim1 ,i shall take the pill1 come what may4 ,you're a warm-hearted boy1 ,jim1 but cruel too4 ,i'd rather spend a hundred a year on you and go threadbare in consequence1 than earn ten thousand a year and not have you to spend it on4 ,at the same time1 my only chance of making you relent is to earn some money4--,what the deuce is all this about novel-writing8 ,he took up the advertisement which had fallen in his lap1 and read as follows3 ,how to ,write ,novels--a ,guide to ,fortune in ,literature4 ,containing ,practical ,instructions for ,amateurs1 whereby ,success is assured4 ,by an ,old ,hand4 99 99 99 99 99 ,next morning ,piecraft bought the book4 ,as no patients came that day he had ample leisure to read it4 ,easy as lying1 he said to himself when he had finished4 ,i see the trick of it4 ,and1 by ,george1 ,i'll make the first attempt this very night4 ,i have half a dozen ideas already4 ,cerebral pathology is no bad training for a novelist4 ,so he sat down to work1 and by two in the morning had written the first chapter of a very promising novel4 ,in ten days more the novel was complete4 ,reading over his manuscript1 and severely criticising himself by the rules of his ,manual1 he found that he had put in too much scenery1 had undercoloured the beauty of the heroine1 had forgotten to describe her dress1 and had introduced no action to break the tedious sentiment of the love-dialogues4 ,these errors he at once set himself to correct1 pruning down the excesses and making good the defects4 ,then1 reviewing the whole1 he satisfied himself that he had done well4 ,the plot turned on a love affair1 and was easily intelligible4 ,the sexes were evenly balanced1 and every character had its foil4 ,there was plenty of incident and continuous action4 ,and the whole was unified by a single purpose or controlling idea4 ,this last gave ,piecraft peculiar satisfaction4 ,he had feared when he began that unity of purpose would be of all the rules the most difficult to satisfy4 ,in the purpose of his life he had failed2 was it likely1 he asked himself1 that he would do any better in romance8 ,judge1 then1 of his pleasure on discovering that a clear thread of intention ran through the novel from the first sentence to the last1 and came to adequate fulfilment in the final catastrophe4 ,purpose1 he reflected1 is going to be my strongest point4 ,i shall score heavily on that4 ,he sent his manuscript to a publisher1 and was rejoiced to hear of its acceptance within a week4 ,in the six months that followed1 having little else to do1 he produced two more novels4 ,each of them had a ,purpose4 ,the publisher bought the manuscripts outright for fifty pounds apiece4 ,it's the ,purpose that pays1 thought ,piecraft4 ,it's the ,purpose that works the oracle4 ,it's the ,purpose the public like4 ,next time ,i'll introduce more ,purpose and stand out for better terms with the publisher4 ,meanwhile he had been compelled1 much against his will1 to give notice of ,jim's withdrawal from school4 ,in spite of the brightening of his prospects the half-brother had proved inexorable4 ,i will borrow from you1 wrote ,jim1 enough to pay my third-class fare across the ocean and leave me with a pound or two on landing4 ,after that1 not another penny4 ,all right1 ,jim2 have it your own way1 was ,phippeny's answer4 ,i shall work away until ,i have saved ,l#ejj1 and then1 my boy1 ,i'll join you on the other side and life will begin again for both of us4 ,meanwhile1 ,i'm growing uncommonly prolific in the way of pot-boilers4 ,but ,i'm not exactly in love with it1 and shall abandon my new profession without a sigh4 ,i wish ,i could produce something really good4 ,perhaps when ,i join you ,i shall get a new inspiration4 ,i believe one can find a pen and ink in the ,colonies4--,thus the matter was arranged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft was not in the habit of going to church1 but one ,sunday evening1 shortly after these events1 he found himself there by accident and heard a sermon1 some sentences of which caught his attention4 ,it happened that just then he was gravelled for lack of matter2 and he was busy during the service in vainly attempting to construct a plot in which a gamekeeper's daughter was to be betrayed by a young lord under circumstances of excruciating novelty4 ,in spite of the novelty of the circumstances he could not help recognising that the main theme was a trifle stale2 and as they were singing the hymn before the sermon he confessed to himself that the plot was not worth elaboration1 and began to think about other things4 ,piecraft's mind1 indeed1 was just then in a state of extreme confusion4 ,now he would be listening to the words of the preacher1 now giving way to anxieties about ,jim1 now returning to the plot of his novel like a moth to a candle-light1 and now reflecting1 with the acute discomfort of a double consciousness1 on his inability to concentrate his thoughts4 ,there is nothing1 he mused1 which sooner demoralises a man's intelligence than the discovery that he can make money by following the demand of a degenerate public taste4 ,it leads to mental incoherence and to the most extraordinary self-deception4 ,i am afraid that that cursed ,manual has undone me4 ,it seems to have resurrected another personality who belongs to a lower order of being than my true and proper self4 ,having failed to earn my living by being the man ,i am1 ,i am now in a way to make money by being the man ,i am not4 ,what business have ,i to be constructing these ridiculous plots8 ,and how is it that1 once started on that line1 ,i am unable to prevent myself going further8 ,i had thought that a scientific training was the best safeguard against obsession4 ,but ,i perceive it is no such thing4 ,is it possible that ,i am so far like ,frate ,alberigo--my proper soul expelled to another world1 and perhaps practising medicine there1 while a demon holds possession of my body and writes third-rate novels in this8 ,a moment later he was thinking about ,jim4 ,i hope the boy won't forget to send me a cable when he reaches the port2 somehow ,i feel unaccountably anxious about him4 ,then he turned to wondering how much he would be able to screw out of the publishers for the next novel1 and how everything would depend on the breadth of the ,purpose4 ,suddenly a sentence of the sermon caught his ear3 ,illusion is an integral part of ,reality4 ,tip-top1 thought ,piecraft4 ,so it is4 ,and in a moment his imagination began to cast about for a reality of which three parts should be illusion4 ,but he could think of nothing that answered the description1 and again he said to himself1 ,i am not in a normal condition to-day4 ,one should never force a reluctant brain4 ,and ,i can't help being anxious about ,jim4 ,i had better turn my attention to the sermon4 ,for example1 the preacher was just then saying1 many a man who has determined to abandon the pursuit of happiness has subsequently realised that he was still pursuing happiness in another form4 ,others have found that actions which they thought they were doing for the love of ,god were really done out of hatred of the devil4444 ,nor can we ever be sure that we are the authors of our own acts4 ,no doubt we usually think we are4 ,but if the testimony of holy men--and of bad men too--counts for anything1 we shall be forced to the conclusion that many acts which we think we have performed have really been performed by some person who is not ourselves1 or by some force or motivation whose source is not in our own souls4 ,this1 my friends1 applies to our bad actions as well as to our good ones4 ,thus we see how of all reality1 even of moral reality1 illusion is an integral part4 ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft did not trouble himself for one instant about the truth or error of these doctrines4 ,an idea suddenly leaped into his mind as he heard them1 and the preacher had hardly concluded the last period before the novelist saw himself secure of at least eighty pounds for his next manuscript4 ,such are the strange reactions which the best-meant sermons often provoke in the minds of the hearers1 especially when there is genius in the congregation4 ,the title of his new novel was the first thing that came into ,piecraft's head4 ,it was to be called ,dual ,personality1 and cerebral pathology was to supply the atmosphere4 ,the plot came next--at least the outline of it4 ,the main actors were to be two young lords1 or something of that sort1 the one as good as they make them and the other as bad4 ,each of these young lords was to play the part of motivating force to the actions of the other4 ,we'll call them ,a and ,b1 reflected ,phippeny4 ,a1 the good young lord1 shall intend nothing but good and do nothing but evil4 ,b1 the bad one1 shall intend nothing but evil and do nothing but good3 that is1 ,a's actions shall represent ,b's character1 and vice versa4 ,each1 of course1 must be exhibited as under the influence of the other2 and this mutual influence must be so strong that ,a's virtues are converted by ,b's influence into vices1 and ,b's vices by ,a's influence into virtues4 ,thus each of them shall be the author1 not of his own actions1 but of the actions of his friend4 ,a splendid idea1 and one that has never yet occurred to any novelist living or dead6 ,it is certain to lead to some tremendous situations4 ,before the sermon concluded the pot was beginning to simmer4 ,several situations had been rapidly sketched by way of experiment3 a trial trip1 so to say1 had been taken4 ,for example3 ,scene1 a labyrinthine wood4 ,time1 the dead of night4 ,an intermittent moonlight1 and a gale causing strange voices in the tree-tops4 ,the bad young lord1 on his way to the gamekeeper's daughter1 is stealing among the trees4 ,suddenly a figure steps into his path4 ,it is the good young lord4 ,conversation3 upshot--the bad young lord resolves to take ,holy ,orders4 ,takes them1 but becomes a worse villain than before2 psychology to be arranged later4 ,second situation3 good young lord now leader of ,labour movement3 the bad young lord 7in ,orders7 persuades the other1 by casuistry1 to misapply trust funds to support coal-strike4 ,and so on and so on4 ,end3 ,archbishopric for villain1 penal servitude for hero4 ,reader all the time kept in doubt as to which is villain and which hero2 and sometimes led to think1 by cerebral pathology1 that the two men are one personality--the two halves of one brain4 ,counter-plot for the women--each lord in love with the woman who is matched to the other4 ,keynote of whole--tragic irony4 ,piecraft had advanced thus far when his mind received another jostle4 ,his attention was again caught by the words of the sermon4 ,i have heard1 the preacher was saying1 of a distinguished author who1 on reading one of his own books ten years after it was written1 entirely failed to recognise it as his own work1 and insisted that it had been written by somebody else4 ,such is the force of illusion4 ,the fellow's an idiot1 thought ,piecraft1 to believe such a story4 ,the thing couldn't happen4 ,at least1 ,i'm pretty sure it will never happen to me4 ,none the less1 it might be worked in for a literary effect4 ,and again he fell to musing4 ,the preacher was now coming to the end of his sermon4 ,he had been saying something about the relations of ,st ,paul to the older apostles1 and about the various illusions current at the time2 and then1 after alluding to ,st ,paul's sojourn in the wilderness of ,arabia1 was winding up a period with the following questions3 ,but meanwhile1 my brethren1 where is ,peter8 ,where is ,john8 ,where is ,james8 ,and what are they doing8 ,where is ,james8 ,these1 and what followed them1 were the only words that penetrated to ,piecraft's intelligence1 and they struck so sharply into the current of his thoughts that he almost forgot himself4 ,he sat bolt upright1 opened his mouth1 and was on the point of shouting an answer to the question1 when he suddenly remembered where he was and checked himself in time4 ,the answer he had on the tip of his tongue was this3 ,james1 so far as ,i can judge1 is just getting into wireless touch with ,new ,york1 but ,i would to ,god ,i knew what he was doing6 ,a moment later he was thinking1 ,i'm getting light-headed1 and shall be making an ass of myself if ,i'm not careful4 ,i'm certainly not in my usual health4 ,what the deuce is the matter with me8 ,when1 ,i wonder1 shall ,i have news of ,jim's arrival8 ,when ,piecraft left the church he was in a state of acute depression and distress4 ,his pulse was throbbing and his head aching1 and it seemed to him as he paced the streets that the preacher was following close behind him1 and constantly repeating the question1 ,where is ,james1 where is ,james8 ,sometimes the voice would sound like a distant echo1 sometimes like a mocking cry4 ,on reaching home he said to his housekeeper3 ,mrs ,avory1 ,i shall be glad if you will sit up till you hear me go to bed4 ,for the first time in my life ,i am afraid of being left alone4 ,i can't imagine what has come over me4 ,he tried to read the paper1 to write a letter1 to play the piano2 paced the floor2 wandered into the housekeeper's sitting-room2 went out for a walk and came back after going twenty yards4 ,then he took up a volume of his favourite ,arabian ,nights and found1 after reading a page1 that he had not understood a sentence of the print4 ,towards midnight his agitation was so great that he could bear it no longer4 ,he rang the bell4 ,mrs ,avory1 he said1 something has gone wrong with me--or with somebody else4 ,i can't help thinking about ,james--and fancying all sorts of things4 ,i believe ,i am going mad4 ,in heaven's name1 what am ,i to do8 ,well1 sir1 said the woman1 you are a doctor and should know better than ,i4 ,but if ,i were you1 sir1 ,i'd take a sleeping draught and go to bed4 ,in despair ,piecraft took the woman's advice4 ,as a doctor he avoided the use of every kind of drug on principle1 and was terrified when he realised how much morphia he had put into the draught4 ,now indeed ,i am mad1 he thought1 for the smallest dose of morphia was always enough to give me the horrors4 ,his fears were not ungrounded4 ,there is no record of what he saw1 fancied1 or suffered during the night and the following day2 but when he entered his dining-room late next evening1 ,mrs ,avory started as though she had seen a ghost4 ,give me the newspaper1 he cried1 and before she could prevent him he snatched it out of her hand4 ',titanic' sinks after collision with iceberg4 ,enormous loss of life--were the first words he read4 ,i knew it6 he exclaimed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,those who saw the tragic throng of men and women who for the next few days hung round the doors of the ,white ,star offices in ,london will not have forgotten that poor fellow who was beside himself--how he would walk among the crowd accosting this person and that1 and how he would then take off his hat1 or his gloves1 or pull at his tie and say1 ,look at this hat1 sir2 look at those gloves2 look at that tie6 ,jim gave me those1 sir4 ,he bought them with two pounds ,i gave him to spend on himself4 ,what do you think of that for a noble act8 ,and ,i tell you that ,jim's lying at this moment fathoms deep in the ocean4 ,he's among the lost1 sir2 by ,god1 ,i know it4 ,a mere boy in years1 madam1 only eighteen last birthday2 but a man in character4 ,loyal to the core6 ,and take my word for one thing4 ,jim played the man at the last1 sir2 you bet your stars he did6 ,he didn't wear a lifebelt2 not he--that is1 if there was a woman around who hadn't got one6 ,a man who would spend his money as he spent those two pounds wouldn't keep a lifebelt for himself4 ,would he1 now8 ,look at this hat6 ,look at these gloves6 ,look at that tie64444 ,for two whole days ,piecraft maintained this requiem4 ,on the evening of the second day some kind-hearted fellow-sufferer persuaded him to go home1 and volunteered to bear him company4 ,it was a long hour's journey to the other end of ,london4 ,a telegraph boy arrived at the house at the same moment as the two men and handed ,piecraft a telegram4 ,he broke it open and read4 ,then he suddenly tore off his hat1 and1 handing it with a quick movement to his companion1 staggered forward and collapsed on the doorstep4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when he came to himself he was lying on the sofa in his study4 ,in the room were several people who1 as soon as ,piecraft opened his eyes1 gazed upon him attentively for a few moments and then1 nodding to each other1 as though to say all right1 quietly withdrew4 ,the novelist looked round him4 ,yes1 he was assuredly in his own familiar room4 ,but one thing struck him as strange4 ,the room was usually in a state of extreme disorder--dust everywhere1 books and papers lying about in confusion1 hats1 sticks1 pipes1 photographs and golf-balls mingling in the chaos4 ,now everything was neat and orderly4 ,the furniture had been polished1 the carpet cleaned1 the hearth swept up and the fire-irons in their place4 ,on the table1 too1 was a vase of flowers4 ,there must have been a spring cleaning1 he thought4 ,he felt remarkably well4 ,i believe that ,i fell asleep during a sermon4 ,well1 the sleep has done me good and cleared my brain4 ,but who on earth brought me here8 ,strange3 but ,i'll think it out when ,i have time4 ,just now ,i want to write4 ,that was a capital idea for my new novel4 ,i must work it out at once while the inspiration is still active2 for ,i never felt keener and fitter in my life4 ,let me see4--,yes1 ,dual ,personality was to be the title4 ,these were his first reflections4 ,then without more ado he sat down to the table2 lit his pipe2 ruminated for five minutes1 and began to write4 ,he wrote rapidly and continuously for many hours1 and midnight had passed when ,piecraft flung down the last sheet on the floor and uttered a triumphant ,done6 ,i thought1 he said aloud1 that it would run to at least #ajj1jjj words4 ,but ,i don't believe there's a fifth that number4 ,the thing has come out a ,short ,story4 ,never mind1 ,i'm safe for a twenty-pound note anyhow4 ,not so bad for one day's work4 ,i'll read it over in the morning4 ,then1 feeling hungry1 he rang the bell4 ,to his great surprise there entered not the fussy old lady who usually waited on him1 but a girl neatly dressed and with a remarkably intelligent face4 ,are you the new servant8 said he4 ,the girl made no reply1 but1 having placed food on the table1 withdrew4 ,as modest as she is pretty1 thought ,piecraft as he ate his meal4 ,well1 ,i'll give her no cause to complain of me4 ,and ,i hope she'll continue to wait on me4 ,for in all my life ,i never knew bread and wine to taste so delicious4 ,on the following morning he had barely finished his breakfast1 supplied him in the same silent manner1 when a tap came at the door and a young man stepped into the room4 ,is there anything ,i can do for you1 sir8 said he4 ,who are you8 said ,piecraft4 ,i have never seen you before4 ,oh1 said the young man1 ,i'm a messenger4 ,your friends have sent me to look after you4 ,it's the first time they have ever done such a thing1 returned the other1 and ,i'm much obliged to them4 ,anyhow1 you came at the right time4 ,there is something you can do for me2 at least ,i think so4 ,can you read aloud8 ,i like nothing better1 said the young man4 ,well1 then1 you are the very man ,i want4 ,it so happens that ,i wrote a story for the press last night1 and ,i was just wishing that ,i had a kind friend who would do me the service of reading it aloud4 ,there's nothing that gives an author a better idea of the effect of his work than to hear it read aloud4 ,i will read it with the greatest pleasure1 said the youth4 ,then let us get to work at once1 said ,piecraft--and he handed his manuscript across the table4 ,the young man settled himself in a good light and began to read4 ,the first sentence ran as follows3 ,for the fourth time that day1 ,abdulla1 the water-seller of ,damascus1 had come to the river's bank to fill his water-skin4 ,stop6 cried ,piecraft4 ,i never wrote that6 ,i must have given you the wrong manuscript4 ,what is the title on the outside8 ,the ,hole in the ,water-skin1 answered the reader4 ,it's not the title of my story1 said ,piecraft4 ,here1 hand the papers over to me and let me look at them4 ,extraordinary6 ,where did this thing come from8 ,i presume you're attempting some kind of practical joke4 ,what have you done with the manuscript ,i gave you8 ,the confusion will soon pass1 said the other4 ,confusion1 indeed6 answered ,piecraft1 as his eye glanced over the sheets4 ,you've hit the right word this time1 my boy4 ,for the odd thing is that the whole piece is written in my hand and on my paper1 and is1 ,i could swear1 the identical bundle of sheets ,i laid away last night4 ,and yet there is not a word in it ,i can recognise as my own4 ,but wait--what's this on page #cb8 ,i see something about 'dual personality4' ,that was the title of my story4 ,but no6 ,the words are scratched out4 ,yes1 a whole page--two pages--more pages--are deleted at that point4 ,what on earth does it all mean8 ,perhaps1 said the young man1 if you allow me to read the whole to you1 your connection with the story will gradually become clear4 ,you had better do so1 answered ,piecraft4 ,at all events1 read on till ,i stop you4 ,for1 from what ,i see1 ,i don't like the fellow's style1 and may soon grow tired of it4 ,and make a point of reading the portions that are scratched out4 ,i shall remember your wishes1 said the other2 and as to not liking the fellow's style1 ,i think you may find that it is to some extent founded on your own4 ,i don't believe it1 said ,piecraft4 ,anyhow1 if he hasn't been copying my style1 he has been stealing my ideas4 ,the passage about 'dual personality' proves it4 ,but go ahead1 and let us hear what it's all about4 ,the young man again settled himself in a good light and read as follows4 ,,ii ,,the ,,hole ,,in ,,the ,,water-,,skin ,for the fourth time that day ,abdulla1 the water-seller of ,damascus1 had come to the river's bank to fill his water-skin4 ,the day was hot beyond endurance2 the drinkers had been clamorous and trade had been brisk2 and a bag of small money1 the fruits of his merchandise1 hung within the folds of his gaberdine4 ,weary with going to and fro in the burning streets1 ,abdulla seated himself under a palm tree1 the last of a long line that ran down to the pool where the skins were filled4 ,resting his back against the cool side of the tree1 the setting sun being behind him1 he drew forth his bag and counted his coins4 ,one more journey1 he said to himself1 and the bag will be full4 ,zobeida shall have sweetmeats to-morrow4 ,the pleasing thought lingered in his mind2 fled for a moment and then returned2 ,abdulla saw the shop of the infidel ,greek1 with boxes of chocolate in the window2 he saw himself inside making his choice among innumerable boxes1 and holding the bag of money in his hand4 ,then his head fell forward on his chest and he was asleep4 ,the plunge into sleep had been so sudden1 and its duration was so brief1 that no memory of it was left1 and ,abdulla knew not that he had slept nor the moment when he awaked4 ,fluctuating images rose and wavered and vanished2 and then1 as though in answer to a signal1 the incoherence ceased1 the forms became defined1 and a steady stream of consciousness began to flow4 ,he was conscious of the figure of a man in the foreground whose presence he had not previously noticed4 ,the man was sitting motionless on a low rock less than a stone-cast distant1 and close to the river's brim2 and he seemed to be watching the still flow of the stream4 ,a moment later he stood upright1 turned round1 and crossed the fifty paces of sand that lay between him and ,abdulla4 ,as the man drew nearer1 ,abdulla observed that he bore a bewildering resemblance to himself4 ,not many minutes before he had been looking at his own reflection in a small pocket mirror which he had purchased that morning from a ,jew as a present for ,zobeida2 and as he had looked at the image1 still thinking of ,zobeida1 he wished that ,god had bestowed upon him a countenance of nobler cast4 ,the face he now saw before him was the face he had just seen in the mirror1 with the nobler cast introduced2 and ,abdulla1 noticing the difference as well as the resemblance1 was afraid4 ,depart from me1 ,o my master1 said he1 for ,i am a man of no account4 ,and he bowed himself to the ground4 ,rise1 said the other1 and make haste2 for the sun is low1 and scarce an hour remains for thy merchandise4 ,dip thy water-skin into the stream2 and1 as thou dippest1 think on the hour of thy death1 when the ,all-merciful will dip into the river of thy life1 and thou shalt sleep for the twinkling of an eye1 and know not when thou awakest1 and there shall be no mark left on thee1 even as no mark is left on the river when thou hast filled thy water-skin from its abundance4 ,i know not what thou sayest1 said ,abdulla1 for ,i am a poor man and ignorant4 ,thou art young1 said the other1 and there is time for thee to learn4 ,hear1 then1 and ,i will enlighten thee4 ,everything hath its double1 and the double is redoubled again4 ,to this world there is a next before and a next after1 and to each next a nearest1 through a counting that none can complete4 ,worlds without end lie enfolded one within another like the petals of a rose2 and as the fragrance of one petal penetrates and intermingles with the fragrance of all the rest1 so is the vision of the world thou seest now blended with the vision of that which was and of that which is to come4 ,and ,i tell thee1 ,o thou seller of water1 that between this world and its next fellow the difference is so faint that none save the enlightened can discern it4 ,a man may live a thousand lives1 as thou hast already done1 and dream but of one4 ,again thou shalt sleep and again thou shalt awake1 and the world of thy sleeping shall differ from the world of thy waking no more than thy full water-skin differs from itself when two drops of water have fallen from its mouth4 ,thou speakest like a devotee1 answered ,abdulla4 ,the matter of thy discourse is utterly beyond me1 save for that thou sayest concerning the dipping of the water-skin4 ,there thy thought is as the echo of mine own4 ,but know that ,i am ashamed in thy presence2 and again ,i entreat thee to depart4 ,and ,abdulla bowed himself as before4 ,do1 then1 as ,i bid thee1 said the man2 dip thy skin in the water of the flowing river1 think on the hour of thy death1 and forget not as thou dippest to pronounce the name of ,god4 ,then ,abdulla rose up and did what he was commanded to do4 ,while he was dipping the skin he tried to think of the hour of his death2 but he could think only of the words1 and dying seemed to him a thing of naught2 for he was young and ,zobeida was fair4 ,nevertheless1 when he had lifted the full skin from the river1 and saw that his taking left no mark1 an old thought came back to him1 and for the thousandth time he began to wonder at the ways of flowing water4 ,only ,god can understand them1 he murmured4 ,may the ,compassionate have mercy upon the ignorant6 ,then he adjusted the burden on his back and turned to the palm-belt4 ,but the stranger was gone4 ,as one who walks in sleep1 ,abdulla retraced the path on which for more than half the year he came and went three or four times a day4 ,now he pondered the words of his visitant2 now the image of flowing water rose and glided before the inner eye4 ,he passed under the gate of the city without noting where he was4 ,but here a sudden jostle interrupted his reverie4 ,a man driving a string of donkeys thrust him against the wall1 cursing him as he passed4 ,abdulla looked up and1 when he heard the curses1 repeated the name of ,god as a protection against evil4 ,re-settling the water-skin in the position from which it had been displaced by the collision with the donkey1 he took up the thread of his musing and went on4 ,he thought of ,zobeida1 of the ,cadi1 of the contract of marriage1 of the sweetmeats he would purchase on the morrow1 of the shop of the ,greek4 ,but again his reverie was broken2 this time by the sound of his own voice4 ,the cry of his trade had burst automatically from his lips3 ,water2 sweet water6 ,ho1 everyone that thirsteth1 come and buy6 ,a vision lay before him1 and he seemed to be gazing at it from a point in mid-air4 ,he saw a street in ,damascus2 the crowd is coming and going1 the merchants are in their shops1 and some are crying their wares4 ,close by the door of a house a boy is holding forth a wooden bowl1 and in front of him a water-seller is in the act of opening his water-skin4 ,abdulla watches the filling of the bowl1 and sees the man put forth his hand to take the coin the boy is offering4 ,the man touches the coin and instantly becomes ,abdulla himself6 ,abdulla closes his water-skin and replaces it on his back1 not without a momentary sense of bewilderment4 ,he observes also that some of the water is spilt on the ground4 ,but he has no memory of the spilling4 ,abdulla would fain have questioned himself4 ,but he found no question to ask and could not begin the interrogation4 ,something seemed to have disturbed him1 but so completely had it vanished that he could give the disturbance neither form nor name4 ,otherwise the chain of his memory was unbroken4 ,he had finished his last round for the day2 scarce a cup of water remained in the skin1 and as he flung the flaccid thing over his shoulder he began to recall1 one by one1 the names and faces of his customers1 forty in all1 reflecting with satisfaction that the last skinful had brought him the best gains of the day4 ,then he remembered the driver of donkeys who had thrust him against the wall1 and1 examining the skin1 found that it was frayed almost to bursting4 ,and ,abdulla uttered a curse on the driver and turned homewards4 ,his road lay through narrow streets1 crowded with people1 and as he passed down one of them a veiled woman cried to him from the door of a hovel4 ,o compassionate water-seller1 ,i have two children within who are sore athirst1 for the fever is burning them4 ,give them1 ,i pray thee1 a mouthful of water1 and ,allah shall recompense thee in ,paradise4 ,woman1 said ,abdulla1 there is less water in the skin than would suffice to cool the tongue of a soul in hell4 ,nevertheless1 what ,i have ,i will give thee4 ,and he lowered the mouth of his water-skin into the woman's bowl4 ,not a drop came forth4 ,in vain ,abdulla shook the skin and pressed the corners between the palms of his hands4 ,then1 discovering what had happened1 he began to curse and to swear4 ,by the beard of the ,prophet1 he cried1 the skin has burst6 ,a driver of donkeys1 begotten of ,satan1 thrust me against the wall at the entering in of the city1 and frayed the water-skin4 ,and now1 by the permission of ,god1 the heat has dried up the remnant of the water and cracked the skin1 thus completing the work of the ,deviser of ,mischief4 ,alas1 alas6 for the skin was borrowed4 ,and to-morrow restitution will be demanded1 for the lender is likewise a son of the ,devil1 and the bowels of mercy are not within him4 ,verily thou raisest a great cry for a small evil1 said the woman4 ,bethink thee of them who are perishing with thirst1 and hold thy peace4 ,nay1 but ,i am mindful of them1 said ,abdulla2 for had not the water-skin been burst1 ,i would have had the wherewithal to give them to drink4 ,but know1 ,o mother of sorrows1 that the motives of mankind are of a mixed nature1 especially when grief oppresseth them4 ,and my griefs are greater than thou deemest4 ,woe is me6 ,behold this bag of money1 and raise thy voice with mine in lamentation over the miseries of the unfortunate4 ,a damsel1 more beautiful than the full moon seen beyond the summits of waving palms1 is at this hour hungering for the sweetmeats of the infidel1 even as the children of thy body are thirsting for water2 and within this bag is the money which1 by the favour of ,allah1 would have purchased abundance of all that she desireth4 ,but ere to-morrow's sun has risen from the edge of the desert1 four coins out of every five will be claimed as damages by the lender of the skin 7whom may the ,prophet utterly reject671 the rest being reserved for the daily food which the ,all-merciful provides for his creatures4 ,and the damsel will sit in the corner of the house1 rocking her goodly body1 which was created for the angels to gaze upon2 and she will bite her hands and beat them on the wall1 and wail for the sweetmeats that come not1 and curse the name of ,abdulla1 the breaker of vows6 ,most excellent of water-sellers1 said the woman1 many are the damsels in this city addicted to the sweetmeats of the infidel1 and of those that are beautiful as the full moon beyond the waving palms there are not a few4 ,thy description1 therefore1 availeth not for the identification of thy beloved4 ,describe her more narrowly1 ,i beseech thee1 that hereafter1 when my children are dead1 ,i may bring her the balm of consolation4 ,for ,i am afflicted in her woes2 and between women in sorrow there is ever a bond4 ,yea1 verily1 answered ,abdulla4 ,i will so describe my beloved that thou shall recognise her among ten thousand4 ,know1 then1 that her form is like unto a minaret of ivory built by the ,waters of ,silence in a king's garden2 her eyes are as lighted lamps in the house of the ,enchanter2 the flowing of her hair is a troop of wild horses pursued by ,bedouin in the wilderness of ,arabia2 and the fragrance of her coming is like an odour of precious nards wafted on the evening breeze from the ,islands of ,wak-,wak4 ,o ,abdulla1 replied the other1 of a truth ,i know this damsel4 ,and now ,i perceive that the ,devourer of ,bliss hath taken thee in his net and multiplied thy sorrows upon thy head4 ,but forget not the grief of this thy handmaid1 and the suffering of those she has nursed at the breast4 ,hear even now the wailing that is within6 ,lo1 a worker of spells has sent destruction among us1 and the sickness is sore in the habitations of the poor4 ,press1 then1 thy skin once more1 if peradventure ,allah may have left there one drop of water1 that the mouth of the little ones may be moistened before they die4 ,and add a curse1 ,i pray thee1 on the ,worker of ,spells2 for the ,giver of ,gifts hath made thy tongue of great alacrity1 and taught thee the putting-together of wise judgments and the rounding-off of memorable sayings4 ,by this time a crowd1 attracted by the cries and the cursing1 had gathered round the speakers1 and so thick was the press that ,abdulla had much ado to move his hands that he might press the water-skin as he was bidden4 ,o wise and much-enduring woman1 he cried1 ,i greatly fear me that thy prayer is vain4 ,but ,i will even do as thou biddest1 if only these foolish ones will make room that ,i may pass my hands craftily over the skin4 ,thereafter ,i will add a goodly curse on the worker of spells1 and at the last thou and ,i and all this multitude will wail and lament together1 that the heart of the ,all-merciful may be moved to pity and his will turned to work us good4 ,so spake ,abdulla1 and the crowd began to give way4 ,but1 behold1 a marching squad of soldiery1 going to the war1 with drums beating and bayonets all aflash1 suddenly swings down the street1 filling its whole breadth from side to side4 ,instantly the crowd backs1 and ,abdulla and the woman1 separated from one another1 are swept along as driftwood by the torrent4 ,arrived in the open space into which the street discharged1 ,abdulla rushes hither and thither in search of the woman1 examining every face in the crowd1 and raising himself on tiptoe that he may look over their heads4 ,but the woman is nowhere to be seen4 ,perturbed by the sudden disappearance of the woman1 ,abdulla turned once more into the homeward way4 ,before he had taken many steps it occurred to him to examine the rent in his water-skin4 ,standing quite still and holding the skin at arm's length before him1 he gazed intently at the small hole1 about the size of an olive-stone1 which had resulted from the donkey-driver's assault4 ,as he thus gazed1 the incident which had so abruptly terminated a few minutes before seemed to retreat into the distant past4 ,then it became a story1 heard he knew not where1 about a water-seller who lived long ago4 ,next1 it seemed a dream of the night before1 the details of which he could not recall4 ,finally1 it vanished from his memory altogether4 ,abdulla1 realising that it was gone1 turned quickly and found1 with some surprise1 that he was standing in front of a large shop with plate-glass windows1 behind which were boxes of chocolate arranged in rows4 ,a mirror--at least it seemed so to ,abdulla1--of equal length with the shop front1 was set at the back and doubled the objects in the window4 ,the sight of the sweetmeats instantly brought back the memory of his misfortunes1 and1 in so doing1 gave an occasion to the ,tempter4 ,i will conceal what has happened from the lender of the skin1 thought ,abdulla4 ,i will insert a cunning patch1 which will assuredly burst so soon as the skin is filled with water1 and ,i will then swear by ,god and the ,prophet that the skin was patched when ,i borrowed it4 ,and now ,i will go in and bargain with the infidel for yonder box1 the circumference whereof is wide as the belly of a well-fattened sheep4 ,raising his eyes from the great box of chocolates1 ,abdulla's attention was strangely arrested by the reflection of his own face and figure in the mirror at the back of the shop front4 ,he noted1 with a start1 the unwonted dignity of the figure as thus presented1 and immediately recalled the man who had accosted him but lately by the ,water-sellers' ,pool4 ,abdulla gazed on what was before him1 and thought thus within himself1 ,of a truth ,i knew not that ,allah had bestowed so dignified a countenance on the least worthy of his servants4 ,the eyes are the eyes of eagles2 the nose is a promontory looking seawards2 the brow is a tower of brass built for defence at the gateway of a kingdom4 ,verily1 the mirror of ,zobeida must have been at fault4 ,surely ,god hath now provided me1 in my own countenance1 with the means of endearment1 and the sweetmeats of the infidel are needed not4 ,moreover1 it becometh not one thus favoured to deal crookedly with the followers of the ,prophet4 ,is ,abdulla a man of violence1 as the driver of the donkey2 or a man of no bowels1 as the lender of the skin8 ,is he an accursed ,greek or a more accursed ,armenian that he should play the cheat with his neighbour1 inserting a cunning patch1 which will assuredly produce leakage and make the rent worse than before8 ,god forbid6 ,abdulla is a man of pure occupation1 even as yonder image reveals him4 ,nevertheless1 it may be that the ,author of ,deception has fashioned a lying picture in the mirror1 that he may cause me to forgo the purchase of the box1 and undo me with the beloved1 who will soil her cheeks with rivers of tears1 and rock her body in the corner of the house4 ,go to1 now2 ,i will see whether the ,evil ,one be not hidden behind the mirror2 or if1 perchance1 there be not here some witchcraft contrivance of the ,franks4 ,so thinking1 ,abdulla stepped into the entry of the shop1 that he might examine the back of the mirror4 ,what was his astonishment on discovering that there was no mirror at all1 the boxes of chocolate he had taken for reflections being just as real as all the rest6 ,the ,greek proprietor1 suspecting him to be a thief1 rushed out to apprehend him4 ,he was too late1 for ,abdulla had fled into the darkness4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the sudden night had fallen2 aloft1 in a firmament of violet-black1 the great stars were shining1 and the city was still4 ,pursuing his way1 ,abdulla found himself in front of a lofty house with a solitary latticed window immediately beneath the roof4 ,it was the appointed hour4 ,presently a handkerchief was waved from between the lattice1 and the soft voice of a woman began to speak4 ,o ,abdulla1 my beloved1 said the voice1 though it be dark in the street1 yet there is a light round about thee so that ,i can see thy countenance as if it were noonday4 ,wherefore hast thou anointed thyself with radiance1 and made thyself to shine like the sons of the morning8 ,where hast thou been8 ,for thy fashion is passing strange1 and my heart turns to water at the sight of thee4 ,i have been1 said ,abdulla1 in the company of the wise1 who have taught me the way of understanding1 and shown me all knowledge1 and opened the dark things that are hidden in the secret parts of the earth4 ,all day have ,i conversed with enlightened and honourable men1 and they have made me the chief of their company and the father of their sect4 ,begone1 then1 answered the woman1 for ,i know thee not1 and thy comeliness makes me afraid4 ,i had deemed that thou wert ,abdulla1 the seller of water2 and ,i am even now prepared to let down a basket that he may place therein the thing for which my soul is an hungered1 even the sweetmeats of the infidel1 which ,i would then draw up again with a cord of silk1 and be refreshed after my manner4 ,but as for the ways of understanding1 thou mayest tread them alone1 and the opening up of that which is hidden is a thing that my soul hateth4 ,o thou that speakest behind the lattice1 said ,abdulla1 thy discourse is of matters that lack importance in the eyes of the sagacious4 ,i perceive thou art possessed by a demon1 and surmise that the ,whetter of ,appetite is leading thee in the path of destruction4 ,retire1 therefore1 to thy inner chamber1 and recite quickly the ,seven ,exorcisms and the ,two ,professions of ,faith4 ,o ,abdulla1 if indeed thou art he1 replied the voice1 ,i discern thou art contending for a purpose4 ,peradventure1 the eyes of the wanton have entangled thee in the way1 and thou hast bestowed on another that which1 when thy heart was upright1 thou designedst for me4 ,come now and prove thine integrity1 for ,i will presently let down the basket that thou mayest fill it with the delicacies of the ,franks4 ,thou fallest deeper into the snares of the demon1 said ,abdulla1 and thy voice soundeth afar off1 even as the voice of one crying for water from the flames of the nethermost pit4 ,know that he to whom thou speakest is of them that walk in the light2 and what have these to do with the delicacies of the ,franks8 ,verily1 ,i understand not thy topic1 having heard but a rumour thereof among the conversations of the ignorant4 ,o despiser of the knowledge that sweetens life1 said the woman1 verily1 ,i deem thee a man of limited information and degenerate wit4 ,but hearken unto my words1 and ,i will enlighten thee concerning the topic of our discourse1 that ignorance may excuse thee no further4 ,know1 then1 that the delicacies of the ,franks are of many kinds1 arranged in boxes that are tied with silver cords4 ,and the chief of them all is a thing of two natures1 cunningly blended1 whereof one nature appertaineth to the outer shell1 and the other to the inner substance4 ,the outer shell tasteth bitter1 and the colour is of the second degree of blackness1 like unto the skin of the ,ethiopian eunuch4 ,the inner substance is sweeter than the honeycomb1 and white as the wool of ,helbon1 interspersed with all manner of nuts4 ,this is the chief among the delicacies of the ,franks2 and such is the marvel of the blending of the natures that the palate knoweth neither the bitterness of the shell1 nor the sweetness of the kernel1 but a third flavour of more eminent rank1 to which ,allah hath appointed no name4 ,hie thee1 therefore1 ,o man of no excuse1 and buy from them that sell4 ,that for which thou askest1 said ,abdulla1 is utterly beneath the dignity of the enlightened to give thee4 ,ask for the wisdom of the ancients and thou shalt have it4 ,ask for the revelation of things hidden1 and it shall be accorded thee4 ,but the delicacies of the ,franks1 cunningly blended as to their two natures1 and arranged in boxes that are tied with silver cords1 shalt thou in no wise receive4 ,o raiser of false expectations1 cried the lady1 and betrayer of her that has trusted thee1 among all the sons of ,adam there is none more utterly contemptible than thou4 ,in the dignity of thy carriage thou appearest unto me as a thing abhorred2 ,i like not thy wisdom2 ,i have no fellowship with thy knowledge1 and ,i despise the insolent shining of thy inner light4 ,o woman of a light mind and a debased appetite1 said ,abdulla1 thy wits have gone astray1 and thou babblest like one asleep1 confounding the things that are not with the things that are4 ,abdulla1 the water-seller1 of whom thou speakest1 is long numbered with the dead1 and the waters of forgetfulness have flowed over his record4 ,only this day ,i heard afar off the last rumour which the world hath concerning him4 ,and this was the rumour3 that1 on a day1 perceiving one athirst in the byways1 ,abdulla gave him freely three drops of water from the dregs of his water-skin1 thereby earning the favour of ,allah 7whose name he exalted67 and the promise of ,paradise4 ,but going forth in the way he met a man having the ,evil ,eye2 and lo1 it straightway entered into the heart of ,abdulla to fill his water-skin with the sweetmeats of the infidel1 that he might find favour in the eyes of a frivolous woman--even one such as thou art4 ,and ,god 7than whom there is no other671 being angered at the folly of ,abdulla1 made a hole in the skin1 and sent forth the ,terminator of ,delights to end his days4 ,so the water-seller died1 and the weight of his water-skin1 laden with sweetmeats1 went forth with his soul4 ,and this1 being heavy1 dragged him down to the place of darkness1 where the sweetmeats fell out through the hole in the skin and were eaten of devils4 ,at this the woman banged-to the lattice and disappeared4 ,abdulla started at the sound of the closing lattice4 ,he was in a standing posture on the roof of his house4 ,the mat on which he slept was tossed into a heap1 and the empty water-skin1 which served him for a pillow1 had been thrown some yards from its place4 ,abdulla looked over the parapet eastwards2 and he saw the desert rose-red in the dawn4 ,for a long time ,abdulla walked to and fro on the roof of his house pondering the things that had happened to him both in the day and the night4 ,to piece the story together was no easy matter1 for there were gaps in his memory1 and1 though some of the incidents were clear1 others were perplexingly dim4 ,moreover1 the incidents that were clear seemed to change places with those that were dim1 so that the line between his dreams and his waking experiences was now in one place and now in another4 ,he could not be sure1 for example1 that the fraying of his water-skin belonged to the one class rather than the other1 and so rapid was the transition from conviction to doubt that he examined the skin no less than five times to satisfy himself the hole was there4 ,the longer he meditated on these things the greater became his confusion of mind1 and by the time the sun was fully risen from the desert he was well-nigh distracted and beginning to doubt of his own identity4 ,in vain did he repeat the ,seven ,exorcisms1 the ,four ,prayers1 the ,tecbir1 the ,adan1 and the ,two ,professions of ,faith1 calling on the name of ,allah between the exercises1 and extolling ,his majesty every time4 ,at last ,abdulla began to wring his hands and to cry aloud like one bereft of intelligence4 ,while thus lamenting1 it suddenly seemed to him that one from a far distance was calling him by name4 ,checking his cries1 he listened4 ,the voice came nearer and nearer1 and presently broke out in familiar tones at his very side4 ,what aileth thee1 ,o ,abdulla8 said the voice4 ,hast thou partaken of the intoxicating drug8 ,has the ,evil ,eye encountered thee8 ,or sufferest thou from a visitation of ,god8 ,o my mother1 answered ,abdulla1 there is none else besides thee under heaven who can ease my pain and give me counsel in my perplexity4 ,the sound of thy voice is to me like running waters to him that perisheth of thirst4 ,know that a great bewilderment has overtaken me1 so that ,i discern no more the things that are not from the things that are4 ,that which was foreordained has come to pass1 said the woman4 ,thou wast marked on thy forehead in the hour of thy birth2 and ,i saw it1 and knew that things hidden from the foundation of the earth would be revealed unto thee4 ,lo1 the mark is on thy forehead still4 ,o ,abdulla1 my son1 thou art no longer a seller of water1 but a seer of the ,inner ,substance1 and divulger of secrets4 ,o my mother1 said ,abdulla1 ,i know not what thou sayest4 ,the ,inner ,substance is a thing whereof ,i have never heard1 and there is no secret that ,i can divulge4 ,only a dream of the night season has troubled me1 and even now it seemeth to mingle with the things that ,god makes visible1 so that the desert floats like a yellow cloud1 and thine own form undulates before me like the morning mist4 ,thy confusion1 said the woman1 is caused by the intermingling of the worlds1 which few among the sons of men are permitted to note2 and the undulations that bewilder thee are made by the river of ,time4 ,what thou seest is the passing of that which was into that which is1 and of that which is into that which is to be4 ,but rouse thy mind quickly1 ,o my son1 and betake thyself on the instant to a skilful ,interpreter of ,dreams1 that the matter be resolved4 ,i hear and obey1 said ,abdulla2 and he ran down the steps of his house into the street4 ,as he passed through the door1 ,selim the courier called to him from the other side4 ,o thou that dwellest alone1 cried ,selim1 hast thou taken to thyself a wife8 ,has ,zobeida proved gracious8 ,nay1 verily1 answered ,abdulla4 ,i have broken a vow and ,zobeida rejecteth me utterly4 ,and know1 ,o ,selim1 that ,i am a man sore troubled with dreams in the night season1 so that a spirit of amazement hath possessed me1 and ,i discern not the light from the darkness1 nor the shadow from the substance4 ,thou tellest a strange thing1 said ,selim4 ,nevertheless1 ,i heard thee speaking scarce a moment gone with one on the roof4 ,my mother was come from the lower parts of the house to comfort me1 said ,abdulla1 and it was with her that ,i spake4 ,verily1 thou art bewitched1 answered the other4 ,more than twenty years have passed since thy mother entered into the ,mercy of ,god1 and her body is dust within the tomb4 ,abdulla's answer was a piteous cry4 ,he leaned for support against the wall of his house1 spreading out his hands like one who would save himself from falling4 ,o ,selim1 he cried1 ,i am encompassed with forgetfulness1 and my heart is eradicated within me4 ,said ,i not unto thee that ,i discern no more between the darkness and the light1 between the shadow and the substance8 ,but ,i swear to thee1 by the beard of the ,prophet1 that she with whom ,i spake was the mother who bore me4 ,she stretched out her arms towards me and touched the mark on my forehead1 and bade me hasten to the ,interpreter of ,dreams that the matter might be resolved4 ,it is a sign from ,allah1 said ,selim2 and ,i doubt not that thou wilt die the death at the hand of the infidel and be received into ,paradise4 ,for know that thou hast been called two days ago1 and the sergeant is even now seeking for thee4 ,that also ,i had forgotten1 said ,abdulla4 ,i will hasten forthwith to the ,interpreter of ,dreams1 and thereafter ,i will report me to the sergeant4 ,and the rest shall be as ,allah willeth4 ,and ,abdulla passed on his way to the ,interpreter of ,dreams4 99 99 99 99 99 ,suddenly he realised that his path was blocked by a crowd1 and looking up he saw above him1 on the other side of the street1 the lattice of ,zobeida4 ,verily1 he thought1 ,i have made a long circuit2 for this house lieth not in the way4 ,loud cries were coming from the house1 mingled with curses and the sound of hands beaten against the wall4 ,as soon as ,abdulla appeared1 one of the crowd called out towards the lattice3 ,o woman that cursest in the darkness1 come now to the light1 that we may hear thy maledictions more plainly1 and be refreshed by the beauty of thy countenance4 ,lo1 he who is thy enemy passeth even now beneath the window4 ,come forth1 then1 and the sight of him shall be as a fire in thy bones1 inspiring thy tongue to the invention of disastrous epithets and calamitous imprecations4 ,and we1 on our part1 will hold him fast1 even the accursed ,abdulla1 that he run not away till his destiny is pronounced and his doom completed4 ,at this the lattice was burst open1 and ,zobeida1 tearing aside her veil1 displayed a countenance of wrath4 ,her hair was dishevelled1 her cheeks were soiled with ashes and tears1 her eyes were like coals of fire1 and her voice hissed and rang like the sword of a slayer in the day of battle4 ,o ,abdulla1 she cried1 of a truth thou art the ,emperor of liars and the ,sultan of rogues4 ,may the ,abaser of ,pride rub thy nose in the dust6 ,o my mistress1 answered ,abdulla1 impose upon thyself1 ,i beseech thee1 the obligation of good manners4 ,dog and son of a dog---- cried ,zobeida4 ,but ,abdulla heard no more4 ,a distant confusion of sounds had arisen4 ,it drew nearer with amazing rapidity1 and finally broke forth into the tramp of marching feet1 the rumbling of wheels1 and the booming of a drum4 ,the houses melted away1 the sound of ,zobeida's voice grew fainter and fainter1 and the knot of bystanders was gone4 ,abdulla sprang to attention and looked about him4 ,he was in the main street of the city1 and opposite was the house of the ,interpreter of ,dreams4 ,coming down the street was a regiment of ,turkish infantry1 with a battery of guns following behind4 ,and a dim memory passed1 like a swift shadow1 over the mind of ,abdulla4 ,for an instant he was bemused1 and one who passed by heard him muttering broken words4 ,the long way round1 he murmured2 the lattice of ,zobeida--a caravan of camels laden with sweetmeats--dog and the son of a dog4 ,then a wind passed over his face1 and it seemed to him that he had been thinking foolishly4 ,well for me1 he replied1 that ,i went not round by the house of ,zobeida4 ,for the time is short and ,i too am called4 ,and with that he crossed over1 making haste that he might reach the other side before the marching column blocked the street4 ,the house of the ,interpreter was built after the ,european fashion1 and on the door was a large brass knocker after the manner of the ,franks4 ,abdulla stretched forth his hand1 and was about to raise the knocker when one plucked him by the sleeve4 ,turning round he saw a man in the uniform of an officer of artillery4 ,wherefore hast thou not reported thyself8 said the officer4 ,thy name was called two days ago1 and verily thou runnest a risk of being shot4 ,o my master1 a bewilderment hath overtaken me1 said ,abdulla1 so that ,i forget all things and know not the day from the night4 ,lo1 even now1 ,i seek the ,interpreter of ,dreams that the matter may be resolved4 ,thou art in a way to have thy dreams interpreted by a bullet through the brain1 said the officer4 ,leave then thy dreaming and hold thy peace2 or1 by ,allah1 ,i will proclaim thy cowardice forthwith and order thy arrest4 ,fall in6 ,abdulla had no choice4 ,a moment later he was marching in step with a squad of reservists who followed in the rear of the guns4 ,as the column passed down the street a veiled woman stepped out from the edge of the crowd1 and1 taking three paces by the side of ,abdulla1 whispered in his ear3 ,play the man4 99 99 99 99 99 ,they were now at the station1 entraining for the seat of war4 ,the carriages were crowded with shouting soldiery1 and many1 unable to find room within1 had clambered on the roofs4 ,among these was ,abdulla1 crouching silent4 ,suddenly a man in ,european costume forced his way along the platform and called him by name4 ,art thou ,abdulla1 the water-seller of ,damascus8 said the man4 ,i am he4 ,come down1 then1 that ,i may speak with thee4 ,and hasten1 for the time is short4 ,stay thou behind and let these go1 said the ,european1 when ,abdulla had descended from the roof4 ,i will purchase thy release from the ,pasha4 ,nay1 the matter is already arranged1 and none of these will hinder thee if thou stayest4 ,and wherefore should ,i do this8 asked ,abdulla4 ,for a weighty and good reason1 said the ,european4 ,know that the fame of thee has reached to ,london1 to ,paris1 to ,new ,york4 ,thou art spoken of as one who hath a power upon thee which may aid in opening up the things that have been hidden from the foundation of the earth4 ,and the probers of secrets have sent me that ,i may search thee out1 and engage thee at a great salary1 and take thee with me to the seats of the learned and the cities of the ,west4 ,thou art in error1 said ,abdulla1 for power such as thou speakest of belongeth not to me4 ,of a truth1 ,i am one who walketh in a great bewilderment1 and the spirit of forgetfulness hath overpowered me4 ,but withal ,i am a common man1 of whom ,allah hath created millions1 and it was but yesterday ,i was seeking the ,interpreter of ,dreams1 that ,i might pay him the fee and have the matter resolved4 ,i am the ,interpreter of ,dreams whom thou soughtest1 said the other1 and ,i dwell in the house built in the ,european fashion1 with the great knocker of brass1 after the manner of the ,franks4 ,thy name8 said ,abdulla4 ,my name is ,professor------but an escape of steam from the panting locomotive drowned the next word1--and ,i am come from ,london to fetch thee4 ,i go not with thee1 said ,abdulla1 for thou seemest to be one whom the ,deluder of ,intelligence is leading astray4 ,i have but dreams to tell thee2 and if thou wantest dreams1 hast thou none of thine own8 ,verily1 a dream is but a little thing4 ,thou errest1 shouted the other--for ,abdulla had now climbed back on to the roof1--a dream is a thing more wonderful than aught else the ,creator hath appointed1 and there is none among the sons of ,adam who understandeth the coming and the going thereof4 ,but if thou wilt come with me---- ,the ,interpreter broke off in the middle of his sentence1 for the train was moving out of the station1 and he saw that ,abdulla could no longer hear the words4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the battery to which ,abdulla was attached lay in a hollow to the rear of the main battle1 awaiting orders to take up a position in the front4 ,it was the first time he had been under fire4 ,dead bodies1 horridly mangled1 lay around1 and a straggling throng of wounded men1 some silent1 some unmanned by agony1 and all terrible to look upon1 was passing by4 ,as ,abdulla saw these things1 the fear of death grew strong within him4 ,his body trembled and his face was blanched4 ,seeing his state his companions began to deride him4 ,presently a gaily dressed officer1 passing where he was1 paused in front of him1 and drawing a small mirror from his pocket held it in front of the trembling man1 and said3 ,look in this1 ,o ,abdulla1 and thou wilt see the face of a coward4 ,abdulla looked in the mirror and saw there the very face which had confronted him not long ago in the shop window of the ,greek4 ,the soldiers around him burst into a roar of laughter as ,abdulla looked in the mirror2 but he heard them not4 ,he was busy in inward colloquy4 ,o thou that tremblest in thy body1 he was saying to himself1 ,o ,abdulla the coward1 hearken unto me4 ,behold yon rider coming swiftly1 and know1 ,o thou craven carcase1 that he bringeth the order to advance4 ,thinkest thou to stay behind1 and then run away stealthily1 and get thee back to thy water-selling in ,damascus and to thy dallyings with a woman8 ,yea1 verily1 thou thinkest it2 and even now contrivest within thyself how thou mayest steal away and not be seen4 ,but know thou that ,i who speak to thee will suffer not thy cowardice4 ,i will force thee presently to carry thy trembling limbs to yonder line1 whence come these whom thou seest in their pain4 ,thither will ,i take thee1 and ,i will hold thee fast in a place where death cometh to four of every five4 ,not a step backward shalt thou go4 ,nay1 rather1 ,i will blow a flame through thy nostrils into the marrow of thy bones1 driving thee forward1 until ,i have thee firm in the very hottest of the fire4 ,see1 the signal rises6 ,hark1 the trumpet sounds6 ,up then1 thou quaking carrion1 for thy hour is come4--,well done6 ,those behind thee are taking note that thou tremblest no more6 ,by ,allah1 ,i have conquered thee and have thee utterly in my power6 ,every man was in his place4 ,abdulla1 firm and ready1 the rebuking voice now silent within him1 sat on the leading gun-horse2 the traces that bound it to the gun were already taut1 and the whip-hand of the driver was aloft in air4 ,the word is given1 the whips descend1 and the whole thundering train of men and beasts1 with ,abdulla at its head1 sweeps forward to the place of sacrifice4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the battle was lost1 and the long ridge on which ,abdulla's battery had been posted was carpeted with dead and dying men4 ,a pall of yellow smoke1 broken from moment to moment by the flashes of exploding shrapnel1 hung over the ridge1 and a blazing house immediately behind the position shed a copper-coloured glare over the appalling scene4 ,a cold and cursed rain was falling1 and stricken men1 in extremities of thirst1 were lapping pools of water defiled with their own blood4 ,of the twelve guns that formed the battery1 all were dismantled save one1 and by this there stood a solitary man1 the only upright figure from end to end of the ridge4 ,it was ,abdulla4 ,for five hours he had done his duty untouched by shot1 shell1 or bayonet4 ,he had continued the service of his gun till the last round of ammunition was expended2 and when a cry arose among the survivors that they should save themselves1 he had watched the last stragglers depart and refused to stir from his post4 ,and now he stood inactive and motionless1 alone in a copper-coloured wilderness of agony and death4 ,twice the enemy had attempted by desperate charges to storm the hill1 and1 save for the lull in the artillery fire which preceded these attacks1 the work of death had hardly ceased for a moment4 ,even now it still went on1 slaying those who were half slain4 ,unable to see clearly the state of things on the ridge1 or behind it1 and unaware that the defence was totally annihilated1 the enemy had hardly slackened his fire4 ,scores of shrapnel were bursting overhead1 and the singing of the rifle bullets was like the hum of bees in swarming time4 ,as the shells exploded and the pitiless missiles came thrashing down1 ,abdulla noticed how1 after each explosion1 some portion of the human carpet would toss and undulate for a moment1 as though the wind had got under it1 and then subside again into its place4 ,the numbness and exhaustion of other faculties had liberated his powers of observation1 and at that moment they were abnormally acute4 ,fear1 even the memory of fear1 had long departed1 and of mental distress there was none1 save a sense of immobility and powerlessness1 such as a man may have in an ugly dream4 ,abdulla leaned on the wheel of the gun-carriage1 gazing on the scene around him as a spectacle to be studied2 and he watched the shells bursting overhead with no more concern than he would have felt for a passing flight of birds4 ,he was aware of his utter loneliness1 and now and then a slight stir of self-compassion would ripple the lucid depths of his consciousness4 ,with a certain repugnance1 also1 he noticed the copper-coloured light1 which shed its glare in every direction as far as he could see4 ,the tensest hours of his life1 during which he had exerted his body with furious energy1 and his senses had been incessantly assailed with every kind of shock1 had ended in a feeling1 amounting almost to conviction1 that the events in which he had participated1 the deeds he had done1 and the spectacle now before him were the tissue of a dream4 ,blustering facts that bludgeon and bombard the senses1 often provoke us1 by the very violence of their self-announcement1 to suspect them as illusory4 ,reality is a low-voiced1 soft-footed thing2 a mean between two extremes1 clothed at all times in the garments of modesty and reserve1 which neither strives nor cries nor lifts up its voice in the streets4 ,but when the gods are drunk and the heavens in uproar1 and the thing called fact is unrestrained1 ranting and storming about the stage like an ill-mannered actor--then it is that the cup begins to pass away from us1 and a still small voice whispers within that the whole performance is a masquerade4 ,thus had it happened to ,abdulla4 ,dreamer as he was1 he had never yet been able to detect himself in the act of dreaming4 ,but now the waking state was over-wakeful1 and at the very moment when each nerve in his body was strung to utmost tension1 and the sense organs in full commission1 and fact in its most brutal form thundering on the gates of his mind1 there came to him a calm that was more than vacancy1 a conviction that he was in the land of dreams1 and a peaceful foreshadowing that he would soon awake4 ,and yet1 he thought1 it is weary work1 this waiting for the spell to break4 ,ha1 that one would have done it1 had ,i stood a span further to the left6 ,why cannot they wake me8 ,are not a hundred pieces of artillery sufficient to rouse one solitary man from his dreams8 ,stay6 ,what if ,i am wakened already8 ,and what if this be hell8 ,if so1 is it so much worse than earth8 ,but please ,allah that ,i stand not thus for all eternity1 waiting for the dream to pass4 ,ah6 ,i was hit that time--and he put his hand to the region of his heart4 ,a mere graze4 ,perhaps the next will do better4 ,allah send me a thing to do6 ,ho1 thou ,selim6 ,hast thou life in thee to stand upright and do a thing8 ,i saw thee raise thyself a moment ago4 ,if thou hast strength1 bestir thyself a little1 and thou and ,i will find another round1 and fire a last shot before we pass4 ,selim the courier was lying behind the gun with a dozen others1 dead or wounded to death4 ,abdulla had hardly finished speaking when a shrapnel burst over the heap1 and ,selim1 who had been lying face downward on the top1 flung himself round in the last agony4 ,as the bullets struck1 the whole heap seemed to disperse1 the bodies spreading outward into a ring with a hollow space in the midst4 ,then ,abdulla saw a thing that caused his heart to leap for joy4 ,lying in the hollow made by the dispersion of the bodies was a round of ammunition which some man had been carrying at the moment he was stricken down1 and which had hitherto been covered up by the dead4 ,at the sight of it1 a sudden inspiration fell like a thunderbolt upon ,abdulla's dream4 ,the sense of immobility was gone4 ,by ,allah1 thou art alive and awake6 he cried1 addressing himself4 ,quick1 thou slave of a body6 ,thou hast yet strength in thee to open the breech-piece of the gun1 and the cartridge is not so heavy but that these arms can lift it4 ,up1 then1 and act6 ,he sprang forward4 ,quick as thought he seized the cartridge and carried his burden back to the gun4 ,then he stretched forth his hand to grasp the lever which controlled the mechanism of the breech4 ,but before his fingers closed on the metal he paused for the briefest instant to look around him4 ,in one glance he took in the whole scene in all its extent and detail--the long ridge under the copper-coloured light1 the carpet of moaning or silent forms1 the dead body of ,selim1 the dismantled guns1 the valley below1 the enemy's position on the further side1 and the red spurts of flame from his artillery4 ,he noted also that the rain had ceased and the setting sun had broken through the cloud4 ,then1 on a sudden1 the vast view seemed to fall away into an immeasurable distance1 and1 as a landscape contracts when seen from the wrong end of the telescope1 drew inwards from its edges with incredible rapidity until it occupied no more space than is enclosed by the circumference of the smallest coin4 ,and in the same flash of time it was gone altogether4 ,as it went1 ,abdulla felt his fingers close on the cold metal4 ,they closed on the metal1 and ,abdulla saw without the least surprise that the thing he held in his hand was the knocker of brass on the door of the ,interpreter of ,dreams4 99 99 99 99 99 ,he knew no shock1 asked himself no questions1 perceived no breach of continuity4 ,he lifted the knocker1 and its fall sounded in the street of ,damascus at the very instant that the boom of the bursting shell1 which had blown the water-seller to fragments1 was reverberating over ,tchatalja4 ,abdulla knocked4 ,as he waited for the door to open he looked up and down the street4 ,he had arrived in ,damascus overnight1 and his surroundings were yet strange to him4 ,nevertheless1 as he continued to look at the houses and the passers-by1 a suspicion crossed his mind that he had been in this place before4 ,perhaps ,i have dreamed of such a place1 he thought4 ,but surely the face of yonder man is familiar4 ,where did ,i see one like him8 ,in ,paris8 ,in ,london8 ,ho thou1 with the courier's badge on thine arm6 ,a word with thee4 ,the man paused at the doorstep1 and ,abdulla looked him full in the face4 ,instantly his mind became confused1 his tongue began to stammer1 and he heard himself speaking of he knew not what4 ,hast thou life in thee8 he said4 ,if so1 bestir thyself and thou and ,i---- ,but the words broke off1 and ,abdulla stood mouthing4 ,thou babblest like one intoxicated1 said the man4 ,may ,allah preserve thy wits6 ,and he passed on4 ,the door opened1 and ,abdulla's mind became clear4 ,a moment later he stood in the presence of the ,interpreter of ,dreams4 ,who art thou8 said the ,interpreter1 and what is the occasion of thy coming8 ,i am a ,cairene1 said ,abdulla1 born of ,syrian parentage in this city1 but taken hence when ,i was an infant of five years4 ,i am come to ,damascus for a purpose which thou and ,i have in common4 ,i1 too1 am a student of dreams4 ,of which kind8 asked the ,interpreter4 ,for know that dreams are of two kinds3 dreams of the worlds that were1 and dreams of the worlds that are to be4 ,of which hast thou knowledge8 ,of a world that was1 said ,abdulla4 ,thou hast chosen a thankless study1 answered the other4 ,few will trust thy discoveries4 ,for a thousand who will believe thee if thou teachest of a world that is to be1 there is scarce one who will listen if thou speakest of a world that was4 ,but tell me thy history1 and name thy qualifications4 ,i have been educated in the ,universities of the ,west1 said ,abdulla1 and there ,i sat at the feet of one who taught me a doctrine which he had learnt from a master of the ancient time4 ,and the doctrine was this3 that worlds without end lie enfolded one within the other like the petals of a rose2 and the next world after differs from the next world before no more than a full water-skin differs from itself when two drops of water have fallen from its mouth4 ',the world1' taught the master1 'is a memory and a dream1 and at every stage of its existence it beholds the image of its past and the fainter image of its future reflected as in a glass4' ,and why makest thou the world that was before of more account than the world that comes after8 ,i said not that ,i made it of more account1 answered ,abdulla1 but that my knowledge was of this rather than of that4 ,but know that ,i am a dreamer of dreams1 and it is the world before that my dreams have revealed to me4 ,tell me thy dreams4 ,it is of them that ,i came to speak with thee4 ,there is one dream that ever recurreth both in the day and the night4 ,seventy times seven have ,i seen a frayed water-skin1 having a hole in a certain part1 no larger than an olive-stone4 ,that is a small matter1 said the ,interpreter1 and such things concern us not4 ,but ,i suspect that thou art not at the end of thy story4 ,for1 verily1 thou hast not travelled from the cities of the ,west to speak of a thing so slight4 ,say1 therefore1 what has brought thee to ,damascus4 ,that also ,i would tell thee2 for it is a matter to be pondered4 ,thou art of the wise1 and knowest1 therefore1 that there is a virtue in places and a power in localities4 ,in one1 the light of the soul is extinguished2 in another1 it is kindled2 in one1 the reason dies2 in another1 the half-thought becomes a whole1 and the doctrine that is dimly apprehended becomes clear4 ,now1 being in the city of ,paris1 ,i conversed with one of the ,french who had visited the holy places of his religion1 where he had meditated in solitude and seen visions and dreamed dreams2 and ,i told him that ,i had a doctrine newly born1 half grown4 ',o ,abdulla1' he said1 'there is a virtue in places and a power in localities4 ,go thou1 therefore1 to the city of ,damascus1 for that is a place where1 in days that are gone1 the half-thought became a whole1 and the doctrine dimly apprehended became clear4 ,put thyself on the way to ,damascus and await the issue4' ,at these words the ,interpreter rose from his seat and paced the room in thought4 ,the man of whom thou speakest1 he said at length1 is known to me2 and many are they whom he has guided to this place4 ,rightly sayest thou that there is a virtue in places and a power in localities4 ,and here the power still lingers which the world lost when mankind took to babbling4 ,thy reason for coming hither is mine also4 ,seest thou not that ,i have made my dwelling in the ,street that is called ,straight8 ,i see and understand1 said ,abdulla4 ,there was another pause1 and again the ,interpreter paced the room4 ,then he resumed3 ,between thee and me there is need of little speech to attain a comprehension1 and the short sentence meaneth more than the long explanation4 ,nevertheless1 ,i would fain hear the rest of thy story4 ,proceed then1 and tell me of the dreams that came to thee on the way to ,damascus4 ,on the way itself1 said ,abdulla1 there came no dreams4 ,but this very day ,i sat by the bank of the river1 full of thought1 and methinks sleep overpowered me--though ,i know not4 ,and there came a poor man carrying a water-skin1 and ,i1 looking upon him1 saw that his face was like unto mine own1 but marred by his toil and his poverty4 ,and the man sat himself down1 leaning against a palm-tree on the side away from the sun1 and slept4 ,then ,i arose and stood before him1 and expounded to him my doctrine1 and he seemed as one that saw and heard1 though asleep4 ,and when his eyes were opened he saw me no more1 but took up his water-skin and filled it at the river1 making mention of the name of ,god4 ,i followed him into the city1 and saw one thrust him against the wall so that his water-skin was frayed4 ,thereafter the water-skin burst1 and a hole appeared in a certain part the size of an olive-stone1 and the remnant of the water flowed forth4 ,but1 passing a certain street1 a woman called to him to give her little ones to drink4 ,and ,i1 being hard by1 and seeming to know the woman1 whispered to the man that he should pass his hands craftily over the skin1 if peradventure a drop remained to moisten the lips of them that cried out for the thirst4 ,but none remained1 and the man went on his way sorrowing4 ,then ,i lost him for a while2 but as night fell ,i found him again1 standing in front of a glass window and meditating a thing that was dishonest4 ,and the man looking through the window saw me standing among the goods that were in the shop4 ,whereupon he changed his design and ran away4 ,i wandered through the streets of the city1 and passing by a certain house1 a frivolous woman looked out from a lattice and reviled me4 ,i understood not the things that she spake1 and having answered the woman ,i departed4 ,then ,i bethought me that she had taken me for another1 and1 remembering that the face of the water-seller was like unto mine own1 ,i surmised that it was he4 ,suddenly1 ,i know not how1 ,i found myself in a place of battle1 armed like the rest1 and1 turning aside1 ,i saw1 standing among the harnessed horses of a gun-team1 the man whose water-selling ,i had watched in the city4 ,and the spirit of fear was upon him2 his countenance was blanched and his body all aquake2 and ,i1 ashamed that one who bore my own semblance should stand disgraced among his fellows1 rebuked him for his cowardice2 and methought ,i blew a fire through his nostrils into the marrow of his bones4 ,then the man took courage and1 mounting his horse with alacrity1 went forward with the bravest to the place of death4 ,thereafter ,i saw him no more4 ,but this very hour1 even as ,i lifted thy knocker of brass1 a great light shone round about me1 a sound of thunder shook the air1 and a voice said1 ',lo6 thy broken water-skin is mended and full of water4 ,go forth1 therefore1 and give to them that are athirst4' ,whereupon it seemed to me that the half-thought became a whole1 and the doctrine that was dimly apprehended grew clear4 ,and now ,i am a man prepared to go forward1 even as he was into whom ,i blew the breath of courage on the field of death4 ,a thing that was holding me back is gone from me1 and lo6 ,i am free4 ,perchance one has ministered unto thee1 even as thou didst minister to that other in the hour when he was afraid1 said the ,interpreter4 ,that may be1 said ,abdulla4 ,but did ,i not tell thee that as yet ,i have no knowledge of the world that will be8 ,the knowledge awaits thee1 and will begin from this hour1 said the ,interpreter4 ,most assuredly that which thou tellest is an image of the world that was2 and he that dreameth of the one world dreameth also in due season of the other4 ,but hearken now while ,i put thee to the question2 and if thou answerest according to thy doctrine1 peradventure the interpretation of thy vision will appear in the issue4 ,say on1 said ,abdulla4 ,this1 then1 is the question4 ,thinkest thou1 ,o ,dreamer1 that when a man dies and enters ,paradise1 he knows of his condition1 as who should say1 ',lo1 ,i am now a disembodied spirit1 having just passed through the article of death1 and these before me are the ,gates of ,heaven1 and yonder shining thing is the ,throne of ,god8' ,nay1 verily1 said ,abdulla1 in this and in every world the ,throne of ,god is revealed after one and the same manner1 and never shall it be seen in any world save by such as follow there the ,loyal ,path whereby it is found in this4 ,and he who beholdeth not the ,gates of ,paradise in the world where he is1 will look for them in vain in the world where he is to be4 ,art thou willing to think1 then1 that thou and ,i are in ,paradise even at this hour8 ,thou hintest at the doctrine that has been revealed to me1 said the other4 ,it may be even as thou sayest4 ,for certain am ,i that thou and ,i have died many deaths2 and as there is another world in respect of this1 so is this world another in respect of them that went before4 ,great is the error which deemeth that the number of the worlds is but two1 and that death1 therefore1 cometh once only to a man1 when he passeth from the first to the second4 ,of death1 as of life1 the kinds are innumerable2 and of these1 that which destroyeth the body at the end is only one1 and perhaps not the chief4 ,whatsoever changeth into its contrary must needs die in the act2 so that except one die1 grief cannot pass into joy1 nor darkness into light1 nor evil into good2 neither can the lost be found1 nor the sleeper awake4 ,wherefore it may be that thou and ,i are in ,paradise even now4 ,thou speakest to the question1 said the ,interpreter4 ,some there are1 as thou sayest1 who1 being in ,paradise already1 will still be asking whether ,paradise awaits them4 ,and if the enlightened go thus astray1 how much deeper is the ignorance of the darkened6 ,for in no place1 ,o ,abdulla1 is ,hell more doubted of than in ,hell itself4 ,i have lived in the cities of the ,west and have observed that very thing1 said ,abdulla4 ,many a damned soul have ,i heard making boast of his good estate1 and many a doubt of ,judgment shouted forth from the very flames of the ,pit4 ,for how shall a man know when he is now dead and come to ,judgment8 ,doth he live in his dying1 and1 taking note of his last breath1 say within himself1 ',lo1 now ,i am dead'8 ,and if he know not the single occasion of his dying1 how should he remember even though death worketh upon him daily and passeth over him a thousand times8 ,death and forgetting are one1 said the ,interpreter1 and the memory of dying perisheth like a dream4 ,but some there are to whom ,allah hath appointed a station at the place of passage and set as watchmen at the intermingling of the worlds4 ,these pass to and fro over the bridges1 gathering tidings from forgotten realms2 and much of majesty and worth that escapeth the common sort is apparent unto them4 ,and of such1 ,o ,abdulla1 thy dreams declare thee to be one4 ,hast thou no further interpretation8 asked ,abdulla4 ,hark6 said the other4 ,the full interpretation cometh even now4 ,and1 as he spoke1 the brass knocker sounded on the door4 99 99 99 99 99 ,thus endeth ,the ,hole in the ,water-skin4 ,,iii ,,dr ,,piecraft ,,clears ,,his ,,mind ,throughout the whole of this long prelection ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft had scarcely moved a muscle1 listening with ever deeper attention as the story went on4 ,once only had he interrupted the reader4 ,you are coming now1 he had said1 to the deleted passage about ,dual ,personality4 ,don't forget to read it4 ,pardon me1 said the young man1 ,i passed that point some minutes since4 ,the writer had pencilled against the passage1 ',omit1 spoils the unity4' ,so1 from respect to his wishes1 ,i left it out4 ,it was well done1 ,piecraft had answered4 ,unity is all-important4 ,proceed4 ,and now1 the reading being over1 the two men sat for several minutes facing one another in silence4 ,presently the reader said3 ,well1 have you identified the author8 ,i have1 said ,piecraft4 ,the tale is a reminiscence of some old speculations of mine4 ,i wrote every word of it myself1 and ,i finished it last night4 ,how came you to think that it was written by somebody else8 ,that is what puzzles me4 ,but ,i can give a partial explanation4 ,last night1 after finishing the tale1 ,i had a dream1 which was extremely vivid1 though ,i find it impossible now to recall the details4 ,i dreamt that ,i was writing a story under the title of ,dual ,personality--something about a gamekeeper and two young lords who interchanged their characters4 ,it was a sort of nightmare1 partly accounted for by the fact that my health1 until to-day1 has been indifferent4 ,when you came in this morning the influence of the dream lingered in sufficient strength to make me think ,i had actually written the story dreamed about1 and not the one you have just read out4 ,it was an illusion4 ,illusion is an integral part of reality1 said the young man4 ,is that an original remark8 asked ,piecraft4 ,somehow ,i seem to remember having heard it before4 ,it is a quotation1 answered the other4 ,i am in the habit of using it for the enlightenment of new-comers4 ,new-comers6 exclaimed ,piecraft4 ,my dear fellow1 do you know that my brass plate has been on this house for over ten years4 ,it is you who are the new-comer1 not ,i4 ,the young man smiled4 ,it has been on this house much longer than that1 but you are a new-comer all the same1 said he4 ,i don't catch your drift1 said ,piecraft4 ,what do you mean8 ,it takes time to answer that1 said the other4 ,be content to learn gradually4 ,there's something strange about all this1 said ,piecraft1 which ,i should like to clear up at once4 ,i don't seem to know exactly where ,i am4 ,do you mind shaking me8 ,for ,i'm half inclined to think that ,i'm fast asleep and dreaming--like ,abdulla1 in the story4 ,you were never so wide-awake in your life4 ,but if you wish for an immediate enlightenment1 ,i can take you to a house in the next street1 when the whole position will be cleared up at once4 ,come along1 said ,piecraft4 ,i feel like a man who is in for a big adventure4 ,there's something interesting in this4 ,as they passed down the street1 ,piecraft said3 ,would you mind telling me as we walk along what you think of the story you read just now8 ,it's not in my usual style2 in fact1 it's quite a new departure1 and ,i'm very anxious1 before publishing1 to know what impression it makes on good judges4 ,the story is not bad for a first attempt1 said the young man4 ,you'll learn to express yourself better later on4 ,it was a bold thing on your part to tackle that subject right away4 ,to handle it properly requires much more experience than you have had4 ,there are one or two points which you have presented in a false light1 and you have mixed some things up which ought to have been kept separate4 ,but1 on the whole1 you have no reason to be discouraged4 ,i'm surprised at what you say1 returned ,piecraft4 ,as to my being a beginner1 ,i had a notion that ,i was a novelist of standing1 as well as a ,gold ,medallist in ,cerebral ,pathology4 ,but just now ,i'm not going to dogmatise about that or anything else4 ,it's just possible that ,i'm still under the illusion produced by the dream of last night4 ,meanwhile1 ,i'm really anxious to know what has happened4 ,the things about me are familiar--and yet somehow not the same as ,i remember them4 ,they look as though the old dirt had been washed out of them4 ,you are getting on remarkably well1 said his companion4 ,the whole world has been spring-cleaned since you saw it last4 ,you have an original way of expressing yourself1 said ,piecraft4 ,your style reminds me of a young half-brother of mine4 ,he was lost in a steamer whose name ,i can't remember--when was it8 ,his conversation was always picturesque4 ,and1 by the way1 that suggests another thing4 ,the young girl who waited on me1 this morning--who is she8 ,why do you ask8 ,because she's so uncommonly like a girl ,i used to run after in the old days--a student at the ,slade ,school of ,art4 ,and a wonderfully good1 nice girl she was4 ,her father1 who was said to be a scoundrel1 got ten years for alleged embezzlement2 and the girl gave me up because ,i wouldn't take his side4 ,how she stuck to him through thick and thin6 ,i tell you1 my boy1 she was a loyal soul6 ,i wonder if she is still alive4 ,such souls are hard to kill1 said the other4 99 99 99 99 99 ,by this time the pair had arrived at the house indicated by the messenger4 ,on the door of it was an enormous knocker of brass4 ,knock1 and it shall be opened1 said the young man4 ,dr ,piecraft had lifted the knocker and was about to let it fall when he heard his name called loudly down the street and saw a man running towards him with a piece of paper in his hand4 ,the man approached and ,piecraft1 taking the paper1 read as follows3 ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft is needed at once for a matter of life and death4 ,i must be off immediately1 he said to his companion2 ,i am called to an urgent case4 ,it's a matter of life and death4 ,duty first1 my boy1 and the clearing-up of mysteries afterwards6 ,remember what the sergeant said to ,abdulla when he plucked him by the sleeve4 ,besides--who knows8--this may mean that the practice is going to revive4 ,that is precisely what it does mean1 said the young man4 ,matters of life and death are extremely common just now1 and you are the very man to deal with them4 ,how do you know that8 said ,piecraft with some astonishment2 and1 as he spoke the words1 without thinking he released the lifted knocker from his hand4 ,the knocker fell1 and the instant it struck the door ,dr ,phippeny ,piecraft knew where he was4 ,it's wonderfully like the old home1 he said4 ,a familiar laugh sounded behind him4 ,he turned round2 and the man who grasped his hand was ,jim4 ,,the ,,professor',s ,,mare ,i ,the ,reverend ,john ,scattergood1 ,d4,d41 ,professor of ,systematic ,theology1 was of ,puritan descent4 ,the founder of the family was ,caleb ,scatter-the-good-seed1 a cornet of horse in ,cromwell's army1 who had earned his master's favour by prowess at the battle of ,dunbar4 ,the family tradition averred that when ,cromwell halted the pursuit of ,leslie's shattered forces for the purpose of singing the #aagth ,psalm1 it was ,caleb ,scatter-the-good-seed who gave out the tune and led the psalmody4 ,this he did at the beginning of every verse by striking a tuning-fork on his bloody sword4 ,he was mounted1 said the tradition1 on a coal-black horse4 ,john ,scattergood1 ,d4,d41 was a hard-headed theologian4 ,his lectures on ,systematic ,theology ended1 as all who attended them will remember1 in a cogent demonstration of the ,friendliness of the ,universe1 firmly established by the ,inflexible ,method4 ,this was a masterpiece of ratiocination4 ,the impartial observation of facts1 the even-handed weighing of evidence1 the right ordering of principles and their application1 the separation and weaving together of lines of thought1 the careful disentangling of necessary pre-suppositions1 the just treatment of objectors--all the qualities demanded of one who handles the deepest problems of thought were combined in ,dr ,scattergood's demonstration of the ,friendliness of the ,universe according to the ,inflexible ,method4 ,most of his hearers were convinced by his arguments1 and went forth into the world to publish the good news that the ,universe was friendly4 ,hard-headed as ,scattergood was1 it would be unjust to his character to describe him as free from superstition4 ,much of his life1 indeed1 had been spent in attacking the superstitions of the ignorant and the thoughtless2 but this very practice had bred in him1 as in so many others1 a superstitious regard for the argumentative weapons used in the attack4 ,like his ancestor at ,dunbar1 he struck his tuning-fork on his sword4 ,to be sure1 he was a ,rational ,theist1 and a cause of ,rational ,theism in others2 but1 unless ,i am much mistaken1 the ultimate object of his faith1 the ,power behind his ,deity1 was the ,inflexible ,method4 ,superstition never dies2 it merely changes its form4 ,it is not a confession we make to ourselves so much as a charge we bring against others1 and its greatest power is always exercised in directions where we are least aware of its existence4 ,and ,scattergood1 of course1 was unaware that his attitude towards the ,inflexible ,method was profoundly superstitious4 ,it follows that he was unprepared for the part which superstition1 changing its form1 was destined to play in his life4 ,theology1 then1 was his vocation1 but ,i have now to add1 the horse was his hobby4 ,although he had taken to riding late in life1 he was by no means an incapable rider or an ignorant horseman4 ,next to the ,universe1 the horse had been the subject of his profoundest study2 and as he was a close reasoner in regard to the one1 he was a tight rider in regard to the other4 ,his seat1 like his philosophy1 was a trifle stiff2 but what else could you expect in one who had passed his sixtieth year8 ,he never rode to hounds1 nor otherwise unduly jeopardised his neck2 but for managing a high-spirited horse1 when all the rest of us were in difficulties1 ,i never knew his better4 ,let ,scattergood go first1 we cried as the traction engine came snorting down the road and our elderly hacks were prancing on the pavement2 and sure enough his young thoroughbred would walk by the monster without so much as changing its feet4 ,scattergood1 ,i once asked him1 what do you do to that young mare of yours when you meet a traction engine or a military band8 ,nothing1 he replied4 ,then what do you say to her8 ,nothing4 ,then how do you manage it8 ,i haven't the faintest idea4 ,needless to say1 he was deeply respected in the stables4 ,a gen'l'man with a wonderful 'orse-sense1 said the old ostler one day1 expatiating1 as usual1 on ,scattergood's virtues4 ,if ,i'd had a 'orse-sense like him1 ,i'd be one o' the richest men in ,england4 ,if ever there was a man as throwed himself away1 there he goes6 ',orse-sense isn't a thing as you see every day1 sir4 ,the only other man ,i've ever knowed as had it was his ,lordship1 as ,i was his coachman in ,ireland more than twenty years ago4 ,his ,lordship used to say to me1 ',tom1' he says1 ',tom1 it all comes of my grandfather and his father before him bein' jockeys4' ,and between you and me1 sir1 that's what's the matter with his ,reverence4 ,he's jockey-bred1 sir1 you take my word for it4 ,his father was a bishop1 ,i interposed4 ,well1 his father may have been a bishop1 for all ,i care1 said ,tom4 ,but what about his mother1 and what about his mother's father1 and his father before him1 and all the rest on 'em8 ,when it comes to a matter o' breedin'1 you don't stop at fathers2 you take in the whole pedigree4 ,wasn't his ,lordship's father a brewer8 ,and what difference did that make8 ,when 'orse-sense once gets started in a family it takes more than brewin' and more than bishopin' to wash it out o' the blood4 ,i've heard that gypsies have the same gift1 ,i said4 ,i've 'eard it too1 sir4 ,but ,i never would have nothing to do with gypsies2 though his ,lordship was as thick as thieves with 'em4 ,and thieves are just what they are1 sir1 and if it weren't for that ,i'd say as the gen'l'man was as like to be gypsy-bred as jockey4 ,don't you never let the gypsies sell you a 'oss1 sir2 you'll be took in if you do4 ,but they couldn't gypsy him6 ,why1 ,i don't believe as there's a 'oss-dealer for twenty miles round as wouldn't go out for a walk if he 'eard as ,dr ,scattergood was comin' to buy a 'oss4 ,that the ostler's last remark was true in the spirit if not in the letter the following incident seems to prove4 ,once ,i was myself entrapped into the folly of buying a horse1 and ,i was on the point of concluding the bargain1 which seemed to be all in my favour1 when a friendly daimon whispered in my ear that ,i had better be cautious4 ,so ,i said1 ,yes1 the horse seems all right4 ,but before coming to a final decision1 ,i'll bring ,dr ,scattergood round to have a look at him4 ,and the dealer presently abated his price by twenty pounds1 on the understanding that that there interferin' ,scattergood1 as had already done him more bad turns than one1 was not allowed to poke his nose into business which was none of his4 ,pretty good1 said the ,professor when ,i showed him my purchase4 ,pretty good4 ,but ,i think ,i could have saved you another ten pounds1 had you taken the trouble to consult me4 ,he kept but one horse1 and it was observed1 as a strange thing in a lover of horses1 that he never kept that one for long4 ,he was constantly changing his mount4 ,by superficial observers this was set down to a certain fickleness of disposition2 but the truth seems rather to have been that ,scattergood1 consciously or unconsciously1 was engaged in the quest for the ,perfect ,horse4 ,no man knew better than he what equine perfection involved1 and none was ever more painfully sensitive to the slightest deviation from the ,absolute ,ideal4 ,whatever good qualities his horse might possess--and they were always numerous--the presence of a single fault1 however slight1 would haunt and oppress him in much the same way as a venial sin will trouble the consciousness of a saint4 ,i remember one beautiful animal in which the severest judges could find no defect save that it had half a dozen miscoloured hairs hidden away on one of its hind-legs4 ,every time the good doctor rode that horse he saw the miscoloured hairs through the back of his head2 and away went the beast to ,tattersall's after a week's trial4 ,another followed1 and another after that2 but we soon ceased to count them1 and took it for granted that ,scattergood's horse1 seen once1 would not be seen again4 ,so it went on until in the fullness of time there appeared a horse1 or more strictly a mare1 which did not depart as swiftly as it came4 ,whatever perfection may be in other realms1 perfection in horses seems after all to be a relative thing2 for though ,dr ,scattergood himself regarded this one as perfect1 ,i doubt if he could have found a single soul in the wide world to agree with him4 ,to be sure1 she was beautiful enough to cause a flutter of excitement as she passed down the street2 but a beast of more dangerous mettle never pranced on two feet or kicked out with one4 ,she was the terror of every stable she entered1 and it was only by continual largesse on the part of ,scattergood that any groom could be induced to feed or tend her4 ,what she cost him monthly for tips1 for broken stable furniture1 and for veterinary attendance on the horses she kicked in the ribs1 ,i should be sorry to say4 ,but ,scattergood paid it all without a murmur2 no infatuated lover ever bore the extravagance of his mistress with a lighter heart4 ,for the truth of the matter was1 that he was deeply attached to this mare1 and the mare was deeply attached to him4 ,why the mare was fond of ,scattergood is a problem requiring for its solution more horse-sense than most of us possess2 so we had better leave it alone4 ,but ,scattergood's reason for being fond of the mare can be stated in a sentence4 ,she reminded him1 constantly and vividly1 of ,ethelberta4 ,her high spirits1 her dash1 her unexpectedness1 her brilliant eyes1 her gait1 and especially the carriage of her head1 were a far truer likeness of ,ethelberta than was the faded photograph1 or even the miniature set in gold1 which the reverend professor kept locked in his secret drawer4 ,now ,ethelberta was the name of the lady whom ,scattergood wished he had married4 ,for five-and-thirty years he had never ceased wishing he had married her--and not someone else4 ,someone else6 ,ay1 there was the rub6 ,the lawful ,mrs ,scattergood was not a person whose portrait ,i should care to draw in much detail4 ,can you imagine a harder lot than that of a world-famous ,systematic ,theologian1 publicly pledged to maintain the ,friendliness of the ,universe1 but privately consumed with anxiety lest on returning home 7horresco referens67 he should find a heavy-featured1 blear-eyed1 irredeemable woman1 the woman who called herself his wife1 narcotised on the drawing-room sofa1 with an empty bottle of chloral at her side8 ,that was the lot of ,john ,scattergood1 ,d4,d41 and he bore it like a man1 keeping up a pathetic show of devotion to his intolerable wife1 and concealing his personal misery from the world with an ingenuity only equal to that with which he published abroad the ,friendliness of the ,universe4 ,to be sure1 he had long abandoned the quest for happiness as a thing unworthy of a ,systematic ,theologian--what else1 indeed1 could he do8 ,still1 it was hardly possible to avoid reflecting that he would have been happier if he had married ,ethelberta4 ,each day something happened to convince him that he would4 ,for example1 his first duty every morning1 before settling down to work1 was to make a tour of the house1 sometimes in the company of a trusted domestic1 hunting for a concealed bottle of morphia2 and when at last the servant1 with her arm under a mattress1 said1 ,i've got it1 sir1 he could not help reflecting that the burden of life would have been lighter had he married the high-souled ,ethelberta4 ,and with the thought a cloud seemed to pass between ,john ,scattergood and the sun4 ,he would often say to himself that he wished he could forget ,ethelberta4 ,but in point of fact he wished nothing of the kind4 ,he secretly cherished her memory1 and the efforts he made to banish her from his thoughts only served to incorporate her more completely with the atmosphere of his life4 ,all through life ,john ,scattergood had been a deeply conscientious man4 ,but conscience--or rather something that called itself conscience1 but was in reality nothing of the kind1--which had served him so well in other respects1 had been his undoing in the matter of ,ethelberta4 ,at the age of twenty-five he was not aware that a man's evil genius1 bent on doing its victim the deadliest turn1 will often disguise itself in the robes of his heavenly guide4 ,later on in life he learned to penetrate these disguises1 but at twenty-five he was at their mercy4 ,he was1 as we have seen1 of ,puritan descent2 his evangelical upbringing had taught him to regard as heaven-sent all inner voices which bade him sacrifice his happiness2 and this it was of which the enemy took advantage4 ,in his relationship with ,ethelberta the young man was radiantly happy2 but that very circumstance aroused his suspicions4 ,you are not worthy of this happiness1 said an inner voice2 and1 what is far more to the point1 you are not worthy of ,ethelberta4 ,she is too good for such as you4 ,who are you8 said the young ,scattergood1 addressing the inner voice4 ,who are you that haunt me night and day with this horrible fear8 ,i am your conscience1 answered the voice4 ,you are unworthy of ,ethelberta2 and it is ,i1 your conscience1 that tell you so4 ,i am a voice from heaven1 and beware of disregarding me4 ,had ,scattergood been thirty years older1 this strange anxiety on the part of his conscience to establish its claims as a voice from heaven would have put him on his guard2 he would have lifted those shining robes and seen the hoofs beneath them4 ,but these precautions had not occurred to him in the days when he and ,ethelberta were walking hand in hand4 ,so he listened to that inner voice with awe3 he listened until its lying words became an obsession2 until they darkened his mind2 until they drowned the voices of love and began to find utterance in his manners1 and even in his speech1 with ,ethelberta4 ,she1 on her part1 did not understand--what woman ever could or would8--and a cloud came between them4 ,the cloud is from heaven1 said the inner voice4 ,i have sent it2 let it grow2 you are not good enough for ,ethelberta1 and it will be a sin to link your life with hers4 ,so the cloud grew1 till one day a woman's wrath shot out of it2 there was an explosion1 a quarrel1 a breach2 and the two parted1 never to meet again4 ,you have done your duty1 said the false conscience4 ,you have dealt me a mortal hurt1 said the soul4 ,but ,scattergood was still convinced that he was not good enough for ,ethelberta4 ,within a year or two the usual results had followed4 ,scattergood married a woman who was not good enough for him2 and that other man1 who had been watching his opportunity1 like a wolf around the sheepfold1 married ,ethelberta4 ,and he was not good enough for her4 ,and now many years had passed1 and ,ethelberta was long since dead4 ,but that made no difference to the aching wound2 for ,professor ,scattergood1 who was intelligent about all things1 and far too intelligent about ,ethelberta1 used to reflect that probably she would still be alive had she married him4 ,they went to ,naples for their honeymoon1 he would say aloud--for he was in the habit of talking to himself--they went to ,naples for their honeymoon2 there she caught typhoid fever1 and died six weeks after her marriage4 ,but things would have happened differently had she married me4 ,we were not going to ,naples for the honeymoon4 ,we were going to ,switzerland3 we settled it that night after the dance at ,lady ,brown's--the night ,i first told her ,i was not worthy of her4 ,fool that ,i was6 ,such were the meditations of ,professor ,john ,scattergood1 ,d4,d41 as he trotted under the hedgerow elms and heard the patter of his horse's hoofs falling softly on the withered leaves4 ,thus we can understand how it came to pass that ,dr ,scattergood's imagination was abnormally sensitive to anything which could remind him of ,ethelberta4 ,and ,i have no doubt that his peculiar horse-sense was also involved in the particular reminder with which we have now to deal4 ,certain it is that he discerned the resemblance to ,ethelberta the moment he cast eyes upon his mare4 ,he was standing in the dealer's yard1 and the dealer was leading the animal out of the stable4 ,suddenly catching sight of the strange black-coated figure1 she stopped abruptly1 lowered her head1 curved her neck1 and looked ,scattergood straight between the eyes4 ,for a moment he was paralysed with astonishment and thought he was dreaming4 ,the movement1 the attitude1 the look were all ,ethelberta's6 ,exactly thus had she stopped abruptly1 lowered her head1 curved her neck1 and looked him in the face when thirty-five years ago he had been introduced to her at an ,embassy ,ball in ,vienna4 ,a vision swept over his inner eye3 he saw bright uniforms1 heard music1 felt the presence of a crowd2 and so completely was the actuality of things blotted out that he made a low reverence to the animal as though he were being introduced to some highborn dame4 ,the dealer noticed the movement and wondered what new hanky-panky old ,scattergood was trying on the mare4 ,now1 that's a mare ,i raised myself1 said the dealer4 ,i've watched her every day since she was foaled1 and ,i'll undertake to say as there isn't another like her in---- ,in the wide world3 ,i know there isn't1 said ,scattergood1 cutting him short4 ,then1 suddenly1 ,what's her name8 ,meg1 replied the dealer1 who was expecting a very different question4 ,meg--,meg1 said the ,doctor4 ,why1 it ought to be----,well1 never mind1 ,meg will do4 ,so you bred her yourself8 ,will you swear you didn't steal her8 ,this was too much even for a horse-dealer4 ,we're not a firm of horse-thieves1 he said1 and he was preparing to lead her back into the stable4 ,i'm only joking1 said ,scattergood in a tremulous voice which belied him4 ,she's the living likeness of one ,i remember years ago--one that was stolen4 ,come1 bring her back4 ,i'm ready to buy that mare at her full value4 ,and what may that be8 replied the dealer1 glad that the enemy had made the first move4 ,a hundred and twenty4 ,the dealer was astonished2 for his customer had offered the exact sum at which he hoped to sell the mare4 ,for a moment he thought of standing out for a hundred and fifty1 but he knew it was useless to bargain with ,scattergood1 so he said3 ,it's giving her away1 sir1 at a hundred and twenty4 ,but for the sake of quick business1 and you being a gentleman as knows a horse when you sees one1 ,i'll take you at your own figure4 ,done1 said ,scattergood4 ,i'll send you a cheque round in ten minutes4 ,and without another word he walked out of the yard4 ,he had found the perfect horse4 ,the dealer stood dumbfoundered1 halter in hand--he was unconscious that ,meg had already caught his shirt-sleeve between her teeth4 ,could that retreating figure be the wary ,scattergood1 ,scattergood of the thousand awkward questions1 ,scattergood the terror of every horse-dealer in the countryside8 ,never before had he found so prompt1 so reckless a customer4 ,were his eyes deceiving him8 ,was it a dream8 ,a violent jerk on his right arm1 and the simultaneous sound of tearing linen1 recalled him to himself4 ,you she-devil6 he said1 ,i'll take the skin off you for this4 ,but ,i hope the old gentleman's well insured4 ,meanwhile the ,professor was walking home in a state of profound mental perturbation4 ,visions of the ,embassy ,ball in ,vienna1 ,buddhist theories of reincarnation1 problems of animal psychology1 doubts as to the validity of the ,inflexible ,method1 vague and nameless feelings that accompanied the disappearance of his horse-sense1 a yet vaguer joy as of one who has found something precious which he had lost1 and beneath all the ever-present subconscious fear that he would find his wife narcotised on the drawing-room sofa1 were buzzing and dancing through his mind4 ,it's the likeness that puzzles me1 he began to reflect4 ,a universal resemblance1 borne by particulars not one of which is really like the original4 ,quite unmistakable1 and yet quite unthinkable4 ,an indubitable fact1 and yet a fact which no one who has not seen could ever be induced to believe4 ,had anyone half an hour earlier propounded the statement that a woman could bear a closer resemblance to a horse than to her own portrait1 he would have treated the proposition as one which no amount of evidence could make good4 ,so far from the evidence proving the proposition true1 he would have said1 it is the proposition which proves the evidence false4 ,otherwise1 what is the use of the ,inflexible ,method8 ,but now the thing was flashed on him with the brightness of authentic revelation1 and there was no gainsaying its truth4 ,not once during the five-and-thirty years of his mourning for ,ethelberta had anything happened to bring her so vividly to mind2 not even among the dreams that haunt the borderland of sleep and waking2 no1 nor even when he listened to the great singer whose voice had pierced his heart with the sad and angry music of ,heine's bitterest song4 ,professor ,scattergood was a firm believer in the efficacy of a priori thought2 but though by means of it he had excogitated a system in which the plan of an entire ,universe was sufficiently laid down1 there was not one of his principles either primary or secondary which could have built a niche for the experience he had just undergone in the horse-dealer's yard4 ,as he neared his doorstep the confusion of his mind suddenly ranged itself into form and gave birth to an articulate thought4 ,i'm sure1 he said to himself1 drawing his latch-key out of his pocket and inserting it in the keyhole--,i'm sure that ,ethelberta is not far off4 ,yes1 as sure as ,i am of anything in this world4 ,,ii ,the horse-sense1 which gave ,professor ,scattergood his reputation in the stables1 was always accompanied by a well-marked physical sensation--to wit1 a continuous tingling at the back of the head1 seemingly located at an exact spot in the cortex of the brain4 ,so long as the back of his head was tingling1 every horse was completely at ,scattergood's mercy2 he could do with it whatever he willed4 ,but ,i have it on his own authority that at the moment he cast eyes on his new mare the sensation suddenly ceased and his horse-sense deserted him4 ,accordingly1 the first time he took her out he mounted with trepidation1 and fear possessed his soul that she would run away with him4 ,though nothing very serious followed1 the fear was not entirely groundless4 ,his daily ride1 which usually occupied exactly two hours and five minutes1 was accomplished on this occasion in one hour and twenty1 and for a week afterwards the ,professor's man rubbed liniment into his back three times a day4 ,on the second occasion he had the ill luck to encounter the local ,hunt in full career1 a thing he would have minded not the least under ordinary circumstances1 but extremely disconcerting at a moment when his horse-sense happened to be in abeyance4 ,before he had time to take in the situation1 ,meg joined the rushing tide1 and for the next forty minutes the field was led by the first ,systematic ,theologian in ,europe1 who had given himself up for lost and was preparing for death4 ,and killed he probably would have been but for two things3 the first was the fine qualities of his mount1 and the second was a literary reminiscence which enabled him to retain his presence of mind4 ,even in these desperate circumstances1 the ,professor's habit of talking to himself remained in force4 ,a friend of mine who was riding close behind him told me that he distinctly heard ,scattergood repeating the lines of the ,odyssey which tell how ,ulysses1 on the point of suffocation in the depths of the sea1 kept his wits about him and made a spring for his raft the instant he rose to the surface4 ,again and again1 as the ,professor raced across the open1 did he repeat those lines to himself2 and whenever a dangerous fence or ditch came in sight he would break off in the middle of the ,greek and cry aloud in ,english1 ,now1 ,john ,scattergood1 prepare for death and sit well back--resuming the ,greek the moment he was safely landed on the other side1 and thus proving once more that the blood of the ,ironsides still ran in his veins4 ,said a farmer to me one day3 ,who's that gentleman as has just gone up the lane on the chestnut mare8 ,that1 said ,i1 is ,professor ,scattergood--one of our greatest men4 ,h'm1 said the farmer2 ,i reckon he's a clergyman--to judge by his clothes4 ,he is4 ,well1 he's a queer 'un for a clergyman1 danged if he isn't4 ,he's allus talking aloud to himself4 ,and what do you think ,i hear him say when he come through last ,thursday8 ',john ,scattergood1' says he1 'you were a damned fool4 ,yes1 there's no other word for it1 ,john2 you were a damned fool6' ,that1 ,i said1 is language which no clergyman ought to use1 not even when he is talking to himself4 ,but perhaps the words were not his own4 ,they may have been used about him by some other person--possibly by his wife1 who1 people say1 is a bit of a ,tartar4 ,in that case he would be just repeating them to himself1 by way of refreshing his memory4 ,the farmer laughed at this explanation4 ,i see you're a gentleman with a kind 'eart1 said he4 ,but a man with a swearin' wife don't ride about the country lanes refreshin' his memory in that way4 ,he knows his missus will do all the refreshin' he wants when he gets 'ome4 ,no1 you'll never persuade me as them words weren't the gentleman's own4 ,from the way he said 'em you could see as they tasted good4 ,why1 he said 'em just like this---- ,and the farmer repeated the objectionable language1 with a voice and manner that entirely disposed of my charitable theory4 ,he then added3 ,clergyman or no clergyman1 ,i'll say one thing for him--he rides a good 'oss4 ,i'll bet you five to one as that chestnut mare cost him a hundred and twenty guineas1 if she cost him a penny4 ,from the tone in which the farmer said this ,i gathered that a gentleman whose 'oss cost him a hundred and twenty guineas was entitled to use any language he liked2 and that my explanation1 therefore1 even if true1 was superfluous4 ,what did the ,professor mean by apostrophising himself in the strong language overheard by the farmer8 ,the exegesis of the passage1 it must be confessed1 is obscure1 and1 not unnaturally1 there is a division of opinion among the higher critics4 ,some1 of whom ,i am one1 argue that the words refer to a long-past error of judgment in the ,professor's life2 more precisely1 to the loss of ,ethelberta4 ,others maintain that this theory is far-fetched and fanciful4 ,the ,professor1 they say1 was plainly cursing himself for the purchase of ,meg4 ,for1 is there not reason to believe that at the very moment when the obnoxious words were uttered he was again in trouble with the mare1 and therefore in a state of mind likely to issue in the employment of this very expression8 ,now1 although ,i have always held the first of these two theories1 ,i must hasten to concede the last point in the argument of the other side4 ,it is a fact that at the very moment when the ,professor cursed himself for a fool he was again in trouble with ,meg4 ,on previous occasions her faults had been those of excess2 but to-day she was erring by defect3 instead of going too fast she was going too slow1 and occasionally refusing to go at all4 ,she would neither canter nor trot2 it was with difficulty that she could be induced to walk1 and then only at a snail's-pace2 apparently she wanted to fly4 ,in consequence of which the ,professor's daily ride promised to occupy at least three hours1 thereby causing him to be twenty-five minutes late for his afternoon lecture4 ,meg's behaviour that day had been irritating to the last degree4 ,she began by insisting on the wrong side of the road1 and before ,professor ,scattergood could emerge from the traffic of the town he had been threatened with legal proceedings by two policemen and cursed by several drivers of wheeled vehicles4 ,arrived in the open country1 ,meg spent her time in examining the fields on either side of the road1 in the hope apparently of again discovering the ,hunt2 she would dart down every lane and through every open gate1 and now and then would stop dead and gaze at the scenery in the most provoking manner4 ,coming to a blacksmith's shop with which she was acquainted1 a desire for new shoes possessed her feminine soul1 and1 suddenly whisking round through the door of the shoeing shed1 she knocked off the ,professor's hat and almost decapitated him against the lintel4 ,the ,professor had not recovered from the shock of this incident when a black ,berkshire pig that was being driven to market came in sight round a turn of the road4 ,meg1 as became a highbred horse1 positively refused to pass the unclean thing1 or even to come within twenty yards of it4 ,she snorted and pranced1 reared and curveted1 and was about to make a bolt for home when the pig-driver1 who had considerately driven his charge into a field where it was out of sight1 seized ,meg's bridle and led her beyond the dangerous pass4 ,meg1 ,meg1 said the professor1 as soon as they were alone and order had been restored--,meg1 ,meg1 this will never do4 ,you and ,i will have to part company4 ,i don't mind your looking like ,ethelberta1 but ,i can't allow you to act as she did4 ,to be sure1 ,ethelberta broke my heart thirty-five years ago4 ,but that is no reason why ,i should suffer you to break my neck to-day4 ,we'll go home1 ,meg1 and ,i'll take an early opportunity of breaking off the engagement1 just as ,i broke it off with ,ethelberta--though1 between you and me1 ,meg1 ,i was a damned fool for doing it4 ,professor ,scattergood spoke these words in a low1 soft1 musical voice2 the voice he always used when talking to horses or to himself about ,ethelberta4 ,even the obnoxious adjective was pronounced by the ,professor with that tenderness of intonation which only a horse or a woman can fully understand4 ,and here ,i must explain that this particular tone came to him naturally in these two connections only4 ,in all others his voice was high-pitched1 hard1 and a trifle forced4 ,years of lecturing on ,systematic ,theology had considerably damaged his vocal apparatus4 ,he had developed a throat-clutch2 he had a distressing habit of ending all his sentences on the rising inflection2 and whenever he was the least excited in argument he had a tendency to scream4 ,it was in this voice that he addressed his class4 ,but whenever he happened to be talking to horses1 or to himself about ,ethelberta--and you might catch him doing so almost any time when he was alone1--you would hear something akin to music1 and would reflect what a pity it was that ,professor ,scattergood had never learned to sing4 ,it was1 ,i say1 in this low1 soft1 musical voice that he addressed his mare1 perhaps with some exceptional sadness1 on the day when1 sorely tried by her bad behaviour1 he had come to the conclusion that the engagement must be broken off4 ,and now ,i must once more risk my reputation for veracity2 and if the pinch comes and ,i have to defend myself from the charge of lying1 ,i shall appeal for confirmation to my old friend the ostler1 who knows a great deal about 'osses1 and believes my story through and through4 ,what happened was this4 ,the moment ,professor ,scattergood began to address his mare in the tones aforesaid1 she stood stock-still1 with ears reversed in the direction from which the sounds were coming4 ,when he had finished1 a gentle quiver passed through her body4 ,then1 suddenly lowering her head1 she turned it round with a quick movement towards the off stirrup1 and slightly bit the toe of ,professor ,scattergood's boot4 ,this done1 she recovered her former attitude of attention1 and again reversed her ears as though awaiting a response4 ,taking in the meaning of her act with a swift instinct which he never allowed to mar his treatment of ,systematic ,theology1 the professor said one word--,ethelberta2 and the word had hardly passed his lips when something began to tingle at the back of his head4 ,instantly the mare broke into the gentlest and evenest canter that ever delighted a horseman of sixty years2 carried him through the remainder of his ride without a single hitch1 shy1 or other misdemeanour1 and brought him to his own doorstep in exactly two hours and five minutes from the time he had left it4 ,thenceforward1 until the last day of his life1 he never had the slightest trouble with his mare4 ,that is the story which the ostler believes through and through4 ,next day the ,professor said to this man3 ,tom1 ,i'm going to change the name of my mare4 ,you can't do that1 sir4 ,you'll never get her to answer to a new name4 ,i mean to try1 anyhow4 ,here--and he slipped half a sovereign into the man's hand4 ,you make this mare answer to the name of ,ethelberta1 and ,i'll give you as much more when it's done4 ,beg your pardon1 sir1 said the man1 slipping the coin into his pocket--,beg your pardon1 sir1 but there never was a 'oss with a name like that4 ,it's not a 'oss's name at all1 sir4 ,never mind that4 ,do as ,i tell you1 and you won't regret it4 ,ethelberta--don't forget4 ,the groom touched his hat4 ,professor ,scattergood left the stables1 and presently the groom and his chief pal were rolling in laughter on a heap of straw4 ,a fortnight later the groom said3 ,the mare answers wonderful well to that new name1 sir4 ,stopped her kicking and biting altogether1 sir4 ,why1 the day before we give it her1 she tore the shirt off my back and bit a hole in my breeches as big as a mangel-wurzel4 ,i'll pay for both of them1 said ,professor ,scattergood4 ,thank 'ee1 sir4 ,but since we give her the new name she's not even made as though she wanted to bite anybody4 ,and as for kicking1 why1 you might take tea with your mother-in-law right under her heels and she wouldn't knock a saucer over4 ,i nivver see such a thing in all my life1 and don't expect nivver to see such another6 ,wonderful's what ,i calls it6 ,though1 since ,i've come to think of it1 there was once a 'oss named ,ethelberta as won the ,buddle ,stakes4 ,our foreman says as he remembers the year it won4 ,maybe as you had a bit yourself1 sir1 on that 'oss--though beg your pardon for saying so4 ,yes1 said the ,professor1 ,i backed ,ethelberta for all ,i was worth1 and won ten times as much4 ,only1 some fellow stole the winnings out of my--my inner pocket just before ,i got home4 ,it was thirty-five years ago4 ,so it was a bit o' bad luck after all1 sir8 ,it was1 said ,scattergood1 extremely bad luck4 ,did they ever catch the man1 sir8 ,they did4 ,they caught him within a year after the theft4 ,i expect they give it 'im 'ot1 sir8 ,yes4 ,he got a life-sentence1 the same as mi--the same as that man got who was convicted the other day4 ,at this lame conclusion the groom looked puzzled1 and ,scattergood had to extricate himself4 ,you see1 ,tom1 he went on1 the value of what ,i lost was enormous4 ,it must have been a tidy haul to get the thief a sentence like that1 said ,tom4 ,but maybe he give you a tap on the head into the bargain1 sir4 ,he put a knife into me1 said ,scattergood1 and the wound aches to this day4 ,for some reason he felt an unwonted pleasure in pursuing this conversation with the sympathetic groom1 and inwardly resolved that he would give him a handsome tip4 ,put a knife into you1 did he8 cried ,tom4 ,why1 that's just like what happened to me when ,i was coachman to his ,lordship4 ,we was livin' in ,ireland1 and it was the days of the ,land ,league4 ,me and his ,lordship had been to ,ballymunny ,races1 and his ,lordship had got his pockets stuffed full o' money as he'd won1 and ,i don't say ,i hadn't won a bit myself1 seein' as ,i allus backed the same 'osses as he did4 ,well1 we had about fifteen miles to drive in the dark1 and before we starts his ,lordship says to me1 ',tom1 my lad1' he says1 'go round the town and buy me the most grievous big stick you can find in the place4' ',what's that for1 my ,lord8' ,i says1 for me and his ,lordship was a'most like brothers4 ',tom1' he says1 ',i've been losin' my 'orse-sense all day1 and whenever that happens ,i knows there's trouble a-brewin'4' ,so ,i goes and buys him a stick1 and a beauty it were1 too1 made o' bog oak1 and that 'eavy that ,i couldn't 'elp feelin' sorry for the wife o' the man as was goin' to get it on the top of 'is 'ead4 ',all right1 ,tom1' says his ,lordship as he jumps on the car2 'and give the reins a turn round the palm o' your 'and4' ,so off we starts1 and we 'adn't gone more than four miles when three men springs out on us just like shadows4 ',look out1 my ,lord1' ,i shouts2 'there's three on 'em6' ,his ,lordship1 as was sitting just behind me1 he hits out splendid1 and ,i could 'ear his big stick going crack1 crack on their 'eads4 ',well done1 my ,lord6' ,i shouts4 ',hit 'em1 my ,lord6' ,i says2 'give it 'em 'ome-brewed6' ',it's hittin' 'em that ,i'm after1' says he4 ',i've made one on 'em comfortable4 ,tom1 you're a great boy for choosin' a stick2 but what's become o' that big fellow8' ',he's on the near side1 creepin' under the car1' ,i says2 'look out for that one1 my ,lord2 he's got a knife6' ,and ,i was just givin' the reins another turn round the palm o' my 'and when ,i feels summat sharp under my right shoulder-blade1 and ,i begins catchin' my breath4 ,the last as ,i remember was seein' his ,lordship bendin' over me1 like as if he'd been my own mother4 ',tom1 my own darlin'1' he says1 'if the black villains have killed you1 it's a sorrowin' man ,i'll be for the rest of my days4 ,but ,i've given that big one a sleepin'-draught as he won't wake up till the ,angel ,gabriel knocks at his bedroom door4'--,i'd got it proper1 ,i can tell you6 ,touched the lung1 too1 that it did2 and whenever ,i catches a bit o' cold and begins coughin'1 it's that painful that ,i can't----' ,ay1 ay1 said ,scattergood4 ,well1 here's something that's good for an old wound--though1 he muttered to himself1 as he rode away1 it never made much difference to mine4 ,he had given the man a sovereign4 ,as the ,professor walked his horse down the yard1 ,tom said to his pal1 ',e must ha' bin a warm 'un in his young days4 ,good-'earted1 too4 ,but why the old bloke should call his 'oss ,ethelberta1 seeing he lost his money after all1 licks me 'oller4 ,just look at the pair on 'em6 said the pal4 ,why1 to see that mare walkin' down the yard1 you might think as she was a little gel goin' to ,sunday-school4 ,but you'll never persuade me as she isn't foxin'4 ,she'll do a down on him yet1 you mark my word6 ,she's as tricky as a woman4 ,i can see it in her eye4 ,ha6 said ,tom1 that reminds me of something his ,lordship once said to me4 ,it 'appened at the ,dublin ',orse ,show1 as his ,lordship was one o' the judges1 with me by to 'elp 'im4 ,there was a roan mare just brought into the ring1 and his ,lordship says to me1 lookin' 'ard at the mare all the time1 ',tom1 my boy1' he says1 'did you ever 'ave a sweetheart8' ',yes1 my ,lord1' ,i says1 'several4' ',are they livin' or dead8' says he4 ',i never killed none on 'em1 my ,lord1' ,i says2 'that's all ,i knows about it4' ',treat 'em 'andsome1 my boy1 treat 'em 'andsome1' says he in the solemnest voice you ever 'eard2 'it's desperate bad luck on a man as has to do wi' 'osses when a' angry sweetheart dies on him4 ,and look 'ere1 ,tom1' he says in a whisper1 'from the way the back o' my 'ead's a-tinglin'1 it's a' angry sweetheart as we're judgin' now4--,pass her down1' he says to the groom as were leadin' the mare1 'pass her down4 ,divil a prize shall that one have6 ,she's a dangerous bad 'oss4 ,,iii ,among ,professor ,scattergood's numerous admirers there have always been some to whom his arguments for the ,friendliness of the ,universe proved unconvincing4 ,they would begin by pulling his logic to pieces1 and conclude by saying1 with the air of people who keep their strongest argument to the last3 ,it looks1 at all events1 as though the friendly ,universe had done our good ,professor a most unfriendly turn by depriving him of ,ethelberta and substituting the present ,mrs ,scattergood in her place4 ,and there was no denying the force of the argument4 ,for half a long lifetime ,john ,scattergood had lived his earnest days with little aid from those sources of spiritual vitality upon which most of us depend4 ,love in all its finer essences had been denied him--denied him1 as he knew better than anybody1 by that very ,universe whose friendliness he had set himself to prove4 ,among the many lonely souls who live in crowded places it would be hard to find one lonelier than he4 ,even the demonstrated friendliness of the ,universe did not seem to thaw his heart1 or to break down the barriers of his reserve4 ,the surest means of discovering his inner mind was to put your ear to the keyhole on one of the many occasions when he was talking to himself4 ,wie brennt mein alte ,wunde6 is what you would often hear him say4 ,mrs ,scattergood was said to have once been a very beautiful woman2 and ,i can well believe it was even so4 ,she was the daughter of a baronet1 and had been brought up to think that the mission of women in this world is to have a good time4 ,but her husband had thwarted this mission2 at all events1 he had not provided its fulfilment4 ,and the lady made it a point of daily practice to remind him of the failure1 driving the reminder home with the help of expletives learnt in her father's stables long ago4 ,john ,scattergood would retire from these interviews talking to himself4 ,if ,i could keep her from the morphia1 he would say1 ,i think ,i could bear the rest4 ,he would then shut himself up in his study1 would take out the miniature of ,ethelberta from his secret drawer--a foolish thing to do1 but a thing which somehow he couldn't help2 would shake his head and say for the thousandth time1 ,wie brennt mein alte ,wunde6 ,after which1 having brushed aside a tear1 he would take up his pen and continue his proof of the ,friendliness of the ,universe according to the ,inflexible ,method4 ,if ,scattergood could have seen himself1 as ,i see him in memory1 seated in his quiet study1 with the household skeleton1 the philosophical thesis1 and the gold-rimmed miniature of ,ethelberta1 in their respective positions1 forming as it were the three points of a mystic triangle1 ,i think he might have discerned in the ,universe something of deeper import than ever appeared within the four corners of his philosophy4 ,but alas6 ,all ,q4,e4,d4's are fatal to emotion1 and it was ,q4,e4,d4 that ,scattergood had placed at the end of his great thesis4 ,in some respects he resembled that other great philosopher who became so absorbed in his proof of the existence of ,god that he forgot to say his prayers4 ,the fact of the matter is1 that after proving the ultimate nature of the ,universe to be friendly his heart was no warmer than before4 ,indeed1 his interest in that august ,object had stiffened into the chill rigidity of a professional pose4 ,his thesis1 by becoming demonstrably true1 had ceased to be morally exciting4 ,he actually looked forward to his afternoon ride as a means of getting the taste of the ,universe out of his mouth4 ,by long and devious ways1 ,john ,scattergood had thus arrived at the point from which he had set out2 he had arrived1 ,i mean1 at that extremely common state of mind when one actual smile seen on the face of the world1 or a moment of contact with any one of the innumerable friendly presences which the world harbours1 was worth more to him1 both as philosopher and man1 than were all the achievements of the ,inflexible ,method1 past1 present1 and to come4 ,and ,i have now to record that such a smile was vouchsafed to him1 and such a living contact provided1 by the mediation of a four-footed beast4 ,let no one suppose1 however1 that our ,professor was led astray by fatuous fancies concerning his mare4 ,he did not jump to the conclusion that she was a reincarnation of the long-lost ,ethelberta4 ,the ,inflexible ,method1 thank ,god1 saved him from that4 ,but if you ask me how it all came about1 ,i am bound to confess ,i don't know4 ,all we can be sure of is that his mare did for ,professor ,scattergood something which a lifetime of reflection had been unable to accomplish4 ,no doubt the lifetime of reflection had dried the fuel4 ,but it was the influence of ,ethelberta that brought the flame4 ,it's quite true1 he said one day1 that ,i prepare my lectures on horseback2 and people tell me that ,i have fallen into a habit of preparing them aloud4 ,but the fact is1 ,i am going to deliver a new course2 and ,i find that horse-exercise quickens the action of the brain--a necessary thing at my time of life1 when one's powers of expression are on the wane1 and new ideas increasingly difficult to put into form4 ,you ride a beautiful animal1 said his interlocutor4 ,yes1 and as good as she's beautiful4 ,and then in his softest voice he repeated the line3 ,tra bell'e buona1 non so qual fosse piu4 ,this favourable view of ,ethelberta's qualities was by no means convincing to ,professor ,scattergood's friends4 ,we knew she was bella2 but we doubted the buona4 ,the spectacle of an elderly ,doctor of ,divinity setting out for his daily ride on a magnificent racehorse in the pink of condition was indeed a vision to fill the bold with astonishment and the timid with alarm4 ,the man is mad1 said some2 will no one warn him of his danger8 ,various attempts were made1 but they came to nothing4 ,knowing myself to be the least cogent of advisers1 ,i kept silence to the last2 but when all the others had failed ,i resolved to try my hand4 ,scattergood1 ,i said1 that thoroughbred of yours is not a suitable mount for a man of your years4 ,she ought to be ridden by a jockey4 ,i wish to ,heaven you would sell her4 ,nothing in this world would induce me to part with ,ethelberta1 he answered4 ,i'm sorry to hear it4 ,there's no man living in ,england at this moment whose life is more precious than yours4 ,we can't afford to lose you4 ,then think of your---- ,i was going to say your wife1 but ,i checked myself in time3 ,think of your work4 ,it's a very serious matter4 ,sure as fate that brute--7,she's not a brute1 he interrupted7--sure as fate that beauty will run away with you one of these days and break your neck4 ,how do you know that8 he asked quietly4 ,because she's run away with you twice already1 and you escaped only by a miracle4 ,she'll do it again1 and next time you may not be quite so fortunate4 ,she'll never do it again1 he said in the same quiet voice4 ,how do you know that8 ,i said1 thinking that ,i had turned the tables on him4 ,never mind how4 ,i know it well enough4 ,by the ,inflexible ,method8 ,of course not1 he said with some annoyance4 ,there are different kinds of certainty1 and this is one of the most certain of all4 ,more certain than the ,inflexible----8 ,oh1 damn the ,inflexible ,method6 he cried4 ,i'm sick to death of it4 ,you'll do me a kindness by not mentioning it again4 ,all right2 ,i'm as sick of it as you are4 ,after all1 it's not your philosophy ,i'm thinking of2 what ,i am concerned about is your life4 ,now1 ,scattergood1 ,i added--for ,i was an old friend1--frankly1 between you and me1 don't you think you're a fool8 ,my dear fellow1 ,i am and always have been a ---- and here he used that objectionable word--always have been a certain sort of fool4 ,but not about ,ethelberta4 ,we understand each other perfectly4 ,she looks after me and takes care of me like a--like a mother4 ,my life is absolutely safe in her hands--,i mean1 of course1 on her back4 ,confound those mixed metaphors6 ,i cried4 ,that's the seventh ,i've heard to-day1 and they're horribly confusing1 even when they are corrected as you corrected yours4 ,now1 what on earth do you mean8 ,he looked at me curiously4 ,i mean1 he said1 that ,ethelberta may be trusted to the uttermost4 ,scattergood1 ,i said1 there's a sort of friendship in the ,universe which does not scruple on occasion to break every bone in a man's body1 and ,i greatly fear that ,ethelberta may be one of its ministers4 ,now1 here's a plain question4 ,would you be prepared to stand before your class to-morrow morning and bid them trust the ,universe for no better reasons than those on which you trust your life to the tender mercies of that bru----of ,ethelberta8 ,i only wish ,i could find them reasons half as good4 ,half as good as what8 ,as those for which ,i trust my life to ,ethelberta4 ,what are they8 ,i can't tell you4 ,if ,i did tell1 the reasons would lose their force4 ,but until they are uttered they are quite conclusive4 ,what6 ,i cried2 are the reasons taboo8 ,have you found a magic formula8 ,don't jest1 he said4 ,the matter's far too serious4 ,there is more at stake than the mere safety of my life4 ,then you admit your life is at stake1 said ,i2 and ,i thought ,i had scored a point4 ,no1 ,i don't4 ,but other things are--things of far greater importance4 ,my life1 however1 runs no risk from ,ethelberta4 ,then tell me this4 ,who runs the bigger risk--you who trust your life to a beast for no reasons you can assign2 or we1 your disciples1 who trust ourselves to the ,universe in the name of your philosophy8 ,by far the bigger risk1 he answered1 is yours4 ,then you mean to say that you have better reasons for trusting your beast than we have for trusting your system8 ,i do4 ,you are quite serious8 ,i am4 ,but follow this out1 ,i said4 ,if we1 your disciples1 run the bigger risk in trusting ourselves to your system1 you1 its author1 run the same risk yourself4 ,you're strangely mistaken1 he answered4 ,surely1 said ,i1 we are all in the same boat4 ,what reasons can you have1 other than those you have given us1 for trusting your conclusion as to the friendliness of the ,universe8 ,you forget1 he said4 ,in addition to the reasons ,i have given you1 ,i have all those which induce me to trust my life to ,ethelberta4 ,but how do they affect your philosophy8 ,they affect it vitally4 ,in the way of confirmation or otherwise8 ,confirmation4 ,you mean that your philosophy is already conclusively proved1 and yet made more conclusive by ,ethelberta8 ,put it that way1 if you like4 ,is there no hope1 ,i asked1 that you will be able one day to communicate the reasons to us8 ,none1 he answered4 ,but what ,i can do1 and will do1 if ,i live long enough1 is to show that all of you are acting much as ,i am acting in regard to ,ethelberta4 ,but we are not all risking our lives on thoroughbred horses4 ,you are running far bigger risks than that1 he said2 and you are fools not to see it4 ,did ,i not tell you that ,i am revising my lectures8 ,scattergood1 ,i said1 it's plain to me that you will have to do one of two things4 ,either you must radically change your system--or you must sell ,ethelberta4 ,personally1 ,i hope you'll do the last4 ,in any case1 he replied1 ,i shall not sell ,ethelberta4 ,then1 said ,i1 may the friendly ,universe preserve you from being killed4 ,and with that ,i took my departure4 ,,iv ,that very afternoon1 ,professor ,scattergood1 arrayed in a pair of goodly riding-boots1 went round to the stables to mount his mare4 ,the groom met him as usual4 ,she's been wonderful restless all night1 sir1 said he4 ,she's broke her halter and a'most kicked the door out4 ,and she's bitin' as though she'd just been married to the devil's son4 ,she wants exercise1 said ,scattergood4 ,put the saddle on at once4 ,not me1 sir6 answered the groom4 ,it's as much as a man's life's worth to go near her4 ,bring me the saddle1 then1 and ,i'll do it myself1 said ,scattergood4 ,he opened the door of the stable1 and the moment the light was let in ,ethelberta announced her intentions by a smashing kick on the wooden partition4 ,have a care1 sir1 cried the terrified groom1 as ,scattergood1 with the saddle on his arm1 passed through the door4 ,she'll give you no time to say yer prayers4 ,look out1 sir6 ,she'll whip round on you like a bit o' sin and put her heel through you before you know where you are4 ,good ,lord6 he added1 addressing another man1 it's a hexecution6 ,the gen'l'man'll be in heaven in less than half a minute4 ,ethelberta1 ,ethelberta1 what's the meaning of all this8 said ,scattergood in a quiet voice1 as he faced the animal's blazing eyes4 ,come1 come1 sweetheart1 let us behave for once like rational beings4 ,and he put his arm round ,ethelberta's neck and rubbed his cheek against her nose4 ,in five minutes the saddle was on1 and ,scattergood1 seated on as quiet a beast as ever submitted to bridle1 was riding down the stable-yard4 ,that ole ,johnnie knows a trick or two about 'osses1 said the groom as soon as the ,professor was out of hearing4 ,i'd give a month's wages to know how he quieted that mare4 ,did ye 'ear 'im talkin' to 'er1 ,bill8 ,well1 could you 'ear what 'e said8 ,no8 ,well1 you listen the next time you 'ear 'im talkin' to her and see if you can get the very words 'e says4 ,it's the words as does it2 and if we can find out what they are1 it'll be worth 'undreds o' pounds to you and me4 ,i tell yer1 it's the words as does it6 ,i reckon as it's summat out o' the ,bible4 ,why1 when ,i was groom to ,lord ,charles ,i knowed a man as give ,scripture to 'osses regular4 ,a ,psalm-smitin' ole teapot he were2 and whenever we'd got a kicker1 he used to put his 'ead in at the stable-door and say a hymn4 ,then he'd go in and get 'old o' the oss's ear between his teeth and say texts o' ,scripture right into it's ear-'ole4 ,i've knowed a gen'l'man give him five pounds for scripturin' a 'oss4 ,only1 don't you let on to the other blokes what ,i've told you now4 ,keep it quiet1 ,bill1 and you be here wi' me when ,dr ,scattergood comes back at four o'clock4 ,all right1 said ,bill2 we'll get the words--but they won't be no use to us when we've got 'em4 ,i've 'eard all about scripturin' 'osses1 but you won't ketch me tryin' it on--,i can tell yer that6 ,you know that saller-faced man as works for ,bullivant--'im as limps on his left leg8 ,do you mean 'im wi' the watery eyes8 asked the other4 ,that's 'im4 ,well1 he was takin' some polo-ponies to ,london1 and one on 'em was a bit o' reg'lar hot ginger1 and begins buckin' one day in the middle o' the road4 ,there was a chap workin' in a field as sees what was goin' on1 and 'e comes up and offers to scripture the pony for a pint o' ale4 ,so he takes the pony's ear in his teeth and scriptures 'im same as that man did as was workin' wi' you at ,lord ,charles's4 ',genesis and ,revelations1' he says1 whispering into the pony's ear2 and the pony became as quiet as a lamb4 ,the saller-faced chap 'eard 'im1 and says 'e to 'imself1 ',i'll remember them words4' ,so the next time as they had a kicker at ,bullivant's1 the saller-faced chap thinks 'e'll try 'is 'and at scripturin' 'im4 ,so out he goes for a drop o' whisky1 to put a bit o' 'eart into 'im1 for between you and me 'e didn't 'alf like his job4 ,then he goes into the stables and makes a grab at the 'oss's ear4 ,but the 'oss catches 'old of his breeches with his teeth and pitches 'im to the back o' the stable in no time4 ,the saller-faced chap1 seeing 'imself under the 'oss's 'eels1 roars out ',genesis and ,revelations' just as though 'is 'ouse was on fire4 ,and no sooner had 'e spoken them words than the 'oss let 'im 'ave it red-'ot4 ,broke 'is thigh in two places1 that it did1 and kep 'im in 'orspital three months4 ,and that's 'ow 'e got 'is limp4 ,looks as though it were no use gettin' the right words unless you're the right sort o' man1 said the other groom4 ,that's what does it1 answered ,bill4 ,my old dad1 as was in the ,balaklava ,charge1 used to say as no man could scripture a 'oss unless he'd been converted4 ,i reckon that's what 'appened to old ,shiny-boots and his ,ethelberta4 ,haven't ,i always said that he must 'a been a warm 'un in his young days8 ,what about 'im puttin' his money on that 'oss as won the ,buddle ,stakes8 ,and what about 'im bein' robbed of his winnings just as 'e was gettin' 'ome8 ,he 'adn't got 'is white tie on then1 ,bill1 eh8 ,what state must a man be in when 'e comes 'ome after a race and lets another feller pinch his money out of his inside pocket8 ,drunk as a lord1 no doubt1 said ,bill2 though to see the old joker now you wouldn't think it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,meanwhile ,professor ,scattergood1 after trotting three or four miles down the ,london ,road1 had turned into the by-lane that led to the villages of ,medbury and ,charlton ,towers4 ,up to this point the behaviour of ,ethelberta had been beyond reproach4 ,but as they turned down the lane a tramp with a wooden leg1 who was nursing a fire of sticks in the hedge1 some fifty yards ahead1 got up and stepped out into the road4 ,for a few moments ,ethelberta did not see him1 and maintained her swinging trot4 ,professor ,scattergood tightened his grip4 ,the mare went on until the tramp was not more than five paces distant1 and then1 suddenly noticing his deformity1 she planted her fore-feet and stopped dead4 ,scattergood1 nearly unhorsed by the sudden stoppage1 was thrown off his guard1 and in momentary confusion of mind called out in his rasping voice1 ,steady1 ,meg1 steady6 ,meg3 the sound stung ,ethelberta like the lash of a whip1 and in an instant she was off4 ,professor ,scattergood did not lose his presence of mind4 ,for a moment he tried to check the bolting mare1 but feeling her mouth like iron he loosened his rein and let her race4 ,he knew the road for the next five miles was fairly straight1 except at one point2 there was a long steep hill on this side of ,charlton ,towers1 and he reflected that his mare was certain to be blown before she reached the top4 ,he could keep his seat1 and1 barring a collision with some passing vehicle1 the chances were that he would win through4 ,he shouted1 indeed1 and tried such resources of language as his breathlessness allowed2 but ,ethelberta was far beyond the reach of endearments1 and the race had to be run4 ,so ,scattergood sat tight and awaited the issue4 ,his mind was perfectly clear4 ,it seemed as if his desperate condition had given him a large quiet leisure for introspection4 ,as objects on the road shot by him he noted each one2 and1 with a curious double consciousness1 began watching the flow of his own thoughts4 ,he even wondered at the calmness and lucidity of his mind1 and asked himself the reason4 ,perhaps it is the imminence of death1 he reflected2 but death1 now that it has come so near1 has no terrors4 ,that is ,john ,hawksbury's cottage4 ,i wonder if his son has returned from ,india4 ,i must be careful on the bridge4 ,god grant that we don't meet a cart6 ,they were nearing a village1 and ,scattergood heard the pealing of bells mingled with the roar of the wind in his ear4 ,as they shot past the church he saw a wedding-party standing aghast in the churchyard4 ,he saw the bride1 leaning on the bridegroom's arm4 ,the party had just emerged from the porch1 and the look of terror on the bride's face was clearly visible to ,scattergood4 ,poor girl1 he reflected2 she'll take this for a bad omen4 ,he saw men running and heard their shouts4 ,at the end of the village street a brave lad stood with arms outstretched4 ,a hero1 thought ,scattergood2 he will surely be rewarded in the resurrection of the just4 ,they were out of the village in a flash4 ,a furlong beyond it the road turned sharply at right angles4 ,she will jump the hedge at that point1 thought ,scattergood2 ,i must be ready4 ,ethelberta swung round the bend with hardly a check2 but the rider1 ready for that also1 still kept his seat4 ,a moment later she leapt over some obstacle in the road which ,scattergood1 short-sighted as he was1 could not see4 ,his glasses were gone1 and the cold wind beating in his eyes had half blinded him4 ,he was losing the sense of his whereabouts1 and there were moments when he saw himself as a mere inanimate object held in the grip of the brute force that was pulsing beneath him4 ,and yet1 he reflected1 ,i am not utterly abandoned after all4 ,i know what is happening2 the leaf on the torrent knows nothing4 ,a point for a lecture on ,necessity and ,freedom--all the difference between the two involved in that single fact6 ,to have one's wits about him and be unafraid--what a power is that to break the ruling of ,fate6 ,nothing save a shock can unhorse me4 ,it is a match between ,pure ,reason in ,scattergood and madness in ,ethelberta4 ,would that it had been so in the old days6 ,but1 please ,god1 ,i shall beat her this time4 ,ha6 ,she's giving in6 ,they were breasting the two-mile hill on this side ,charlton ,towers1 and with the rise in the gradient came a slackening of the pace4 ,ethelberta1 with head down1 still held the bit between her teeth2 but the first rush of her speed was exhausted4 ,scattergood felt the difference instantly1 and marked its gradual increase1 promising himself that he would have her in hand before they reached the level ground on the top of the hill4 ,some distance ahead of him he could dimly see the form of a tall tree4 ,with admirable presence of mind he roughly measured the distance and said to himself3 ,on passing that tree1 but not before1 ,i will tighten the rein1 and gradually tighten it until on reaching the summit ,i shall have completely pulled her up4 ,they were almost abreast of the tree when a dark-plumaged bird1 frightened from its roost1 fluttered out of the upper branches and flew with a whir of wings right athwart the road4 ,at the sight of the black object1 flung as it were into her eyes1 ,ethelberta made a rapid swerve1 and1 placing her near fore-foot on a rolling stone1 plunged forward with her head between her knees4 ,down she came1 almost turning a somersault with the violence of her impetus1 and ,professor ,scattergood1 hurled far out of his saddle1 fell prone with a terrific shock on the newly metalled road4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when consciousness at length returned it brought no pain of wounds2 but cold pierced him like a knife and a shock of sounds was in his ears4 ,a flood of memories was sweeping over him4 ,beginning in the distant past1 and streaming through the years with incredible rapidity1 they terminated abruptly in a vision seen far below him1 as though he were a watcher in the skies4 ,he saw a deeply wounded man lying outstretched1 as it seemed1 on the circumpolar ice1 and a horse stood by him like a ministering priest4 ,the horse was warming the man with its breath1 and the steam of its body rose high into the frozen air4 ,the consciousness of ,scattergood1 hovering in a present which had well-nigh become a past1 was on the borderland which separates a running experience from a completed fact--vaguely suffering1 yet aloof from the sufferer1 whom he seemed to remember as one who long ago endured the bitterness of death4 ,the vision was hardly more than a spectacle1 the last link in a long chain of memories1 and the past would have claimed it entirely had not the stunning sounds still fettered some fragment of conscious distress in the body of the freezing man4 ,the din increased1 and in great bewilderment of mind he began to seek for its cause4 ,now it was one thing1 now another4 ,this sound1 he thought1 is the grind and roar of colliding ice-floes and the crackle of the ,northern ,lights4 ,the sounds thus identified immediately became something else4 ,they seemed to scatter and retreat1 and then1 concentrating again1 returned as the tolling of an enormous bell4 ,nearer and nearer it came till the quivering metal lay close against his ear and the iron tongue of the bell smote him like a bludgeon4 ,a warmth passed over his face and a troubled thought began to disturb him4 ,i am sleeping through the summer2 ,i must rouse myself before winter comes back4 ,and with a great reluctant effort he opened his eyes4 ,a scarlet veil hung before them4 ,he tried to thrust it aside with his hands1 which seemed to fail him and miss the mark4 ,succeeding at last1 he saw a vast creature standing motionless above him1 its hot breath mingling with his1 its great eyes1 only a hand-breadth away1 looking with infinite tenderness into his own4 ,he tried to recollect himself1 and something in his hand gave him a clue4 ,this thing1 he mused1 is surely my handkerchief4 ,it belongs to ,john ,scattergood4 ,it is one of a dozen his poor drug-sodden wife gave him on ,christmas ,day4 ,and here1 close to me1 is ,ethelberta4 ,how red her feet are6 ,and he stared vacantly at a deep gash on ,ethelberta's chest1 and watched the great gouts that were dripping from her knees and forming crimson pools around her hoofs4 ,the crimson pools were full of mystery2 they fascinated and troubled him2 they were problems in philosophy he couldn't solve4 ,surely1 he thought1 ,i have solved them1 but forgotten the solution4 ,i have lost the notes of my lecture4 ,dyed garments from ,bozrah--red1 red6 ,the colour of my doctor's gown--,i have trodden the wine-press alone4 ,the colour of poppies--drowsy syrups--deadly drugs6 ,the ground-tint of the ,universe--a difficult problem6 ,strange that a friendly ,universe should be so red4 ,gentlemen1 ,i am not well to-day--don't laugh at a sick man4 ,the red is quite simple4 ,it only means that someone is hurt4 ,not ,i1 certainly4 ,who can it be8 ,ah1 now ,i see4 ,poor old girl6 ,and he feebly reached out his handkerchief1 already soaked with his own blood1 as though he would staunch the streaming wounds of ,ethelberta4 ,as he did this1 the great bell broke out afresh4 ,it fell away into the distance4 ,a second joined it2 a third1 a fourth1 a fifth1 until a whole peal was ringing and the air seemed full of music and of summer warmth4 ,then ,scattergood began to dream his last dream1 ineffably content4 ,he stood by the open door of a church3 inside he could see the ringers pulling at the ropes4 ,and ,ethelberta1 young and happy as himself1 was leaning on his arm4 ,sweetheart1 she whispered1 let us behave ourselves like rational beings4 ,he laughed and would have spoken4 ,but a din of clattering hoofs1 which drowned the pealing of the bells1 struck him dumb4 ,the swift image of a grey-headed man1 riding a maddened horse1 shot out of the darkness1 passed by1 and vanished2 and the wedding-party stood aghast4 ,who is yonder rider8 he said1 with a great effort1 bending over ,ethelberta4 ,a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief1 said a soft voice in his ear4 ,a thousand echoes caught up the words and flung them far abroad4 ,then thunders awoke behind1 and rolled after the echoes like pursuing cavalry4 ,a man of sorrows1 cried the echoes4 ,he has come through great tribulations1 the thunders shouted in reply4 ,on went the chase1 the flying echoes in retreat1 the deep-voiced thunder in pursuit4 ,then ,scattergood saw himself swept into the torrent of riders1 and it seemed as if the solid frame of things were dissolved into a flight of whispers and a pursuit of shouts4 ,a fugitive secret1 that fled with unapproachable speed1 was the quarry1 and the hunters were billows of sound1 and the rhythm of beating hoofs gave the time to their undulations4 ,a tide of joy awoke within the dreamer2 he was horsed on the thunder2 he was leading the field2 he was close on the heels of the game2 he was captain of the host to an innumerable company of loud-voiced and meaningless things4 ,then would come expansions1 accelerations1 and sudden checks4 ,fissures yawned in front2 mountains barred the way2 the time was broken1 and voices from the rear were calling a halt4 ,but the thunders have the bit between their teeth2 they are clearing the chasms2 they are leaping over the mountain tops2 and clouds of witnesses are shouting ,well done6 ,the wide heavens fill with the tumult2 myriads of eager stars are watching1 and great waters are clapping their hands4 ,who is this that leads the chase8 a voice was asking4 ,who is this that feels the thunder leap beneath him like a living thing8 ,it is ,i--,john ,scattergood--it is ,i6 ,and ever before him fled the secret2 it mocked the chasing squadrons1 and the wild winds aided its flight4 ,and now the pursuer perceived himself pursued4 ,a swarm of troubled thoughts1 on winged horses1 was overtaking him4 ,they swept by on either side2 they forged ahead2 they pressed close and jostled him on his rocking seat4 ,there was a shock2 the thunder collapsed beneath him1 and he fell and fell into bottomless gloom4 ,suddenly his fall was stayed4 ,a hand caught him2 a presence encircled him1 something touched him on the lips1 and a voice said1 ,at last6 ,at last6 99 99 99 99 99 ,professor ,scattergood was sitting on the stones1 his body bowed forward1 his hands feebly clasped round the head of his motionless horse2 the breath of life was leaving him1 and his heart was almost still4 ,then the dying flame flickered once more4 ,he opened his eyes1 gazing into the darkness like one who sees a long-awaited star4 ,his fingers tightened2 he seemed to draw the head of ,ethelberta a little nearer his own2 and it was as if they two were holding some colloquy of love4 ,in the twinkling of an eye it was done1 and the pallor of death crept over the wounded face4 ,the clasped hands1 with the blood-stained handkerchief still between them1 slowly relaxed2 the glance withered2 the arms fell2 the head drooped4 ,it rested for a moment on the soft muzzle of the beast2 and then1 with a quiet breath1 the whole body rolled backwards and lay face upward to the stars4 99 99 99 99 99 ,clouds swept over the sky1 the winds were hushed1 and the dense darkness of a winter's night fell like a pall over the dead4 ,not a soul came nigh the spot1 and for hours the silence was unbroken by the footfall of any living creature or by the stirring of a withered leaf4 ,and far away in the dead's man's home lay an oblivious woman1 drenched in the sleep of opium4 ,it was near midnight when a carrier's cart1 drawn by an old horse and lit by a feeble lantern1 began to climb the silent hill4 ,weary with the labours of a long day1 the carrier sat dozing among the village merchandise4 ,suddenly he woke with a start3 his cart had stopped4 ,leaning forward1 he peered ahead2 and the gleam of his lantern fell on the stark figure of a man lying in the middle of the road4 ,a larger mass1 dimly outlined1 lay immediately beyond4 ,raising his light a little higher1 the carrier saw that the further object was the dead body of a horse4 ,,farmer ,,jeremy ,,and ,,his ,,ways ,mr ,jeremy's system for the regulation of human life was summed up in the maxim1 ,put your back into it2 and a lifetime of practising what he preached has endowed that part1 or aspect1 of his person with an astonishing vitality and developed it to an enormous size4 ,not without reason did our yeomanry sergeant exhibit his stock joke by informing ,jeremy on parade that if only his head had been set the other way he would have had the finest chest in the ,british army4 ,but the full significance of ,jeremy's back was not to be perceived by one who looked upon it from the drill-sergeant's point of view4 ,it was not only the broadest but the most expressive organ of the farmer's body1 and a poet's eye was needed to interpret the meaning it conveyed4 ,for myself1 ,i should never have suspected that it meant anything more than great physical strength employed in a strenuous life1 had not a poetical friend of mine taken the matter up and enlightened me4 ,my friend and ,i were crossing a field by the footpath1 and ,jeremy1 walking rapidly in the same direction1 was a few yards ahead4 ,there goes a man1 ,i whispered1 who is worth your study4 ,you could write a poem about him4 ,he's one of the few remaining specimens of a type that is becoming extinct4 ,he represents agriculture as it was before the advent of science and ,radical legislation4 ,he is the most honest and prosperous farmer in the county3 a man1 moreover1 who has endured many sorrows and conquered them4 ,let us overtake him1 for ,i should like you to see him face to face4 ,not so1 said my friend4 ,the man's history1 as you have told it1 and much more beside1 is written on his back4 ,let us remain1 therefore1 as we are1 and study him where such men can best be studied1 from the rear4 ,his back1 ,i perceive1 especially the upper portion of it1 is the principal organ of his intelligence4 ,observe1 he is thinking with his back even now--he hitched his trousers up a moment ago4 ,his thoughts are pleasant--you can see it in the rhythmical movement of the muscles under his coat4 ,he has some great design on hand and is sure he can carry it through--see how his shoulders1 as he swings along1 seem to be tumbling forward over his chest4 ,he has had great sorrows--the droop in the cervical vertebrae confirms it2 he has conquered them--hence that forward plunge into his task4 ,he understands his business2 of course2 for the back is the organ by which all business is understood4 ,he is honest2 he is temperate2 he has never broken the seventh commandment4 ,you can read his innocence in the back of his head--,i wish mine were like his4 ,and my poetical friend turned round and showed me his villainous cerebellum4 ,thus enlightened1 ,i began a closer study of the farmer's habits4 ,i saw a new significance in an odd trick he had of suddenly swinging round on his heels at the interesting point of a conversation and delivering his remarks1 and sometimes shaking his fist1 with his back to the interlocutor4 ,i say his back1 but functionally considered it was not so2 since at those moments the functions of the two sides of his body were interchanged1 the organ of expression being the side now towards you1 with every smile and frown accurately registered in the creases of the coat as they followed the movements of the muscles beneath4 ,so1 too1 when ,jeremy laughed4 ,no doubt his face1 while laughing1 was expressive enough1 but you couldn't see it1 because it was turned the other way4 ,what you did see was the farmer's coat1 a tergo1 twitching up and down as though pulled by a cord and then suddenly released like a ,venetian blind2 and this was quite enough to ensure your hearty participation in the merriment4 ,i also managed to take several interesting photographs from the rear2 and 7may the saints forgive him67 a young gentleman of my acquaintance once attempted to snapshot the hinder parts of ,jeremy while in church4 ,unfortunately the light was bad1 and the negative proved a failure4 ,otherwise my poetical friend1 for whom ,i intended the photograph1 would certainly have found in it material for a new poem4 ,be it recorded that ,jeremy when engaged in devotion did not kneel1 but stretched his body forward from the seat to the book-rest1 presenting his back to the heavens and his face to the inner regions of the earth2 and1 as his body was very long and the pew very wide1 the back formed a solid and substantial bridge over which you might have trundled a wheelbarrow laden with turnips4 ,no photograph1 indeed1 save one of the cinematograph order1 the apparatus for which was too large to lie concealed beneath the young gentleman's waistcoat1 would have reproduced the creepings1 ripplings1 and dimplings of the farmer's coat4 ,these gave animation to the picture2 but even without them1 the mere contour of the mass1 thrust upwards like the back of a diving whale1 was a spectacle of vigour and concentrated purpose of which my poetical friend would not have lost the significance4 ,jeremy was the oldest of the ,duke's tenantry1 and the land he farmed1 which was of high quality throughout1 had been held by his father1 his grandfather1 his great-grandfather1 and by ancestors of yet remoter date4 ,if there is any calling in which heredity is of importance to success it is surely the farmer's1 and ,jeremy was fully conscious that he had it in the blood1 and recognised the debt he owed to his fathers before him4 ,people are wont to criticise the old-fashioned farmer as a stiff and unadaptable person2 but what struck me about ,jeremy1 who was old-fashioned enough1 was the adaptiveness and flexibility of his mind in dealing with the ever-varying conditions the farmer has to face4 ,he had an extraordinary instinct for doing the right thing at the right time1 and handled his land as though it were a living thing1 with a kind of unconscious tact which seemed to me the exact opposite to that blind and mechanical following of habit which so often1 but so mistakenly1 is said to be the standing fault of his class4 ,obstinate and incredulous as he seemed to the new teachings of veterinary or agricultural science1 ,i yet noticed that ,jeremy managed to absorb enough of these things to produce the results he desired2 and though he never absorbed as much of them as the experts required1 his crops were always larger and his stock healthier than those of his neighbours whose farming was strictly according to the modern card4 ,i have read one or two books on the nature of soils1 and it is not without significance to me that the little1 the very little1 useful knowledge ,i have of these things was derived not from the books but from ,mr ,jeremy4 ,there was a bit of ground in my garden where ,i could make nothing grow1 and ,i hunted in vain through all the gardening books ,i could find for a remedy1 and even went the length of consulting some of the gifted authors1 two of whom were ladies4 ,i sent them specimens of the soil for examination2 they teased them with formulae and tormented them with acids2 they boiled them in retorts and pickled them in glass tubes2 they sent me the names of marauding bacteria whose lodgings they had discovered in that morsel of earth3 and ,i1 following their instructions1 dosed the land with atrocious chemicals1 until the earth-worms sickened and the very snails forsook the tainted spot4 ,still nothing would grow4 ,then came ,mr ,jeremy4 ,he picked up a handful of the soil2 gazed at it as a lapidary gazes at diamonds2 smelt it2 felt it tenderly with his forefinger2 spat upon it2 rubbed the mixture on his breeches2 inspected the result1 first on his breeches and then on his hand--and now my barren patch is blossoming like the garden of the ,lord4 ,the others had advised me to try ,i know not what--nitrates of this and phosphates of that1 sulphates of the other and carbonates of something else4 ,mr ,jeremy said1 ,chuck a cart-load o' fine sand on her and then rip her up4 ,mr ,jeremy1 ,i have said1 was aware that his roots struck deeply into the past1 and this consciousness1 ,i believe1 helped to give him that confidence in himself without which no man can successfully till the earth or battle with destiny--the two things1 ,i believe1 being at bottom much the same4 ,his farmhouse1 so far as ,i could judge1 was built--and built of almost imperishable stone--in the later years of the reign of ,charles ,,ii41 and had never been structurally modified since its erection4 ,some of the out-buildings were of yet earlier date4 ,scattered about in odd corners were not a few interesting relics of the past4 ,for example1 there was a case of coins1 which had been arranged for ,jeremy by the late ,rector's wife1 representing every reign from ,charles ,i4 to ,george ,,iv41 every one of which coins had been dug up on the farm4 ,in the big courtyard there was a block of hard stone scored with grooves and notches1 where the troopers in some forgotten battle were said to have sharpened their swords2 on the outside wall was a row of rings and stables where the same troopers had tethered their horses4 ,in the cellar there was a collection of large shot1 which there was reason to think had been stored there at the time of the forgotten battle2 and with these were a lot of iron buckles1 and broken tobacco-pipes of ancient form1 which had been dug up in a mound on the hillside through which ,jeremy was cutting a drain4 ,a good pint-measure of human teeth1 in excellent preservation1 had been discovered in the same place1 and these were kept in an old tobacco-box4 ,connected with all this1 ,i suppose1 were the names of several of the fields on the farm3 one of which was called ,the ,slaughters2 another1 ,horses' ,water2 another1 ,the ,guns4 ,and besides these1 which reminded one of old1 unhappy1 far-off things and battles long ago1 there were two other fields1 the names of which were also interesting to me4 ,one1 a beautiful meadow with a southern slope1 was ,abbot's ,vineyard1 and the big pond with the aspens beside it was ,benedict's ,pool4 ,of these names the explanation was utterly lost2 nor could ,i invent a theory1 for the nearest religious house of pre-,reformation times was many miles away4 ,the other field was called ,quebec1 and the coppice at its upper end was ,monckton ,wood4 ,these latter names ,i am able to explain4 ,several of ,jeremy's ancestors had been to the wars1 among them his great-great-grandfather ,silas ,jeremy1 who had fought under ,wolfe at the capture of ,quebec1 and probably under ,monckton in some earlier campaign4 ,in the house there were several mementoes of this man3 the identical ,george ,,ii4 shilling he had received on enlisting--proving1 as ,jeremy would often say1 that his great-great-grandfather was a sober man2 a gold watch with a beautifully executed design of the death of ,wolfe engraved on the case1 said to have been presented to ,silas on his return from the wars by the reigning ,duke2 and1 above all1 a flint-lock musket1 with bayonet attached1 which ,jeremy asserted his ancestor had used in the battle1 but which ,i judged on examination to have been of ,french manufacture1 and therefore most probably a relic picked up from the battle-field--perhaps the identical musket along whose barrel some ,french grenadier had taken aim at the noble heart of ,wolfe--who knows8 ,another memorial of this ancestor--a pretty obvious one--,i can myself claim to have identified4 ,it was an obstinate rule of the farm that the annual harvest-home should be held on ,september #ac2 and even if the harvest was much belated and only a portion then gathered in1 still ,september #ac was the date1 provided only that it did not fall on a ,sunday4 ,september #ac1 ,i need hardly say1 is the anniversary of the battle of the ,heights of ,abraham4 ,the coincidence had been entirely forgotten by the ,jeremys1 and was unrecorded in the traditions of our village2 but not many days after ,i had pointed it out1 the gossips having been at work in the meantime1 an old man came in from a neighbouring parish and told me as how his father had talked with a man who knew another man who had been present at the ,jeremys' harvest-home in #agfj1 when ,silas ,jeremy1 who had just come back from foreign parts1 and whose tomb was in the churchyard1 sang a song about the taking of ,quebec1 which the old man's father used to sing--though he himself couldn't remember it--and declared that for all time to come the feast should be held on ,quebec ,day1 and on no other4 ,this little circumstance1 ,i may say in passing1 was the beginning of my friendship with the ,jeremy who forms the subject of the present story4 ,my discovery of the coincidence gave him a most exaggerated opinion of my abilities and worth4 ,to quote his own words1 it proved me to be a gentleman as knows what's what--a characteristic which1 so far as ,i am aware1 has never been revealed to anybody else4 ,and ,jeremy's good opinion of me was yet further enhanced when he learnt that ,i had twice visited the ,plains of ,abraham2 that ,i knew the place by heart2 that ,i had climbed up the goat-path by which his ancestor had scaled the heights1 and had laid my head on the spot where ,wolfe met his most enviable death4 ,he would have me into his house that very night to tell him all about it2 showed me the ,george ,,ii4 shilling and the gold watch2 took down the old musket and let me handle it and put it to my shoulder and even pull the trigger2 spent two hours in rapt attention while ,i read out ,parkman's account of the battle2 and finally summed up the whole campaign and its significance in one sweeping comment1 ,by ,gum1 sir1 them fellers put their backs into it1 and that's just what they did6 ,the same held true1 ,i should think1 of ,jeremy's grandfather1 to judge by another relic carefully treasured in the house4 ,this was an enormous iron crowbar1 the mere lifting of which was a challenge to put your back into it4 ,with this weapon the ,jeremy of that day had successfully defended himself against a crowd of rascals who came out to burn his ricks in '#cb4 ,some memories of that fight were still extant in the village1 and a bonny fight it must have been4 ,my informant1 an eyewitness of the scene1 was too nearly imbecile to stand cross-examination2 but what he remembered was to the point4 ,aware of the impending danger1 ,jeremy had built his ricks that year within the defences of his courtyard1 the walls of which he had rendered unscalable by various devices4 ,it only remained1 therefore1 to defend the gate2 and here were posted ,timothy ,caine with a maul1 ,job ,henderson with a flail1 an unnamed woman with a cauldron of flour to fling in the face of the enemy1 and the farmer with the crowbar4 ,these won the day2 and more ,i cannot tell you1 because my informant's language1 which ,i could never induce him to vary1 became extremely metaphorical at this point3 ,master ,jeremy1 he give 'em pen and ink3 pen and ink is what he give 'em with the crowbar1 sir1 that he did2 there was none on 'em wanted hitting twice1 no1 not one2 and1 my eye6 to see the flour a-flying6 ,what a steam it made6 ,i can see it now4 ,agricultural experts who visited our parish1 though forced to admire the excellence of ,jeremy's farming1 were wont to criticise him for being too slow4 ,now there1 ,i think1 they were distinctly wrong4 ,i have nothing to say against ,agricultural ,science3 ,i wish there was more of it2 but if it has a weakness it lies in a certain tendency to be quick precisely at those points where ,jeremy was triumphantly slow4 ,his slowness was simply the instinctive timing of his action to the movements of ,nature1 who is also slow in relation to yet higher powers4 ,you would often think that he was dawdling2 but if you looked into the matter you were sure to find that just then ,nature was dawdling too1 and that ,jeremy was beating her at a waiting game4 ,so1 too1 if you watched a python creeping from branch to branch or lying coiled in a glass case you would judge it to be the slowest of beasts2 but not if you saw it springing on its prey4 ,there was much of the wisdom of the serpent in ,mr ,jeremy1 as there must be in every man who earns his living by battle with the natural order of the world4 ,i wakes regularly at five o'clock1 he said4 ,but ,i never gets up till a quarter past4 ,what do ,i think about in that quarter of an hour8 ,why1 ,i spends it in cutting out4 ,by cutting out he meant the process of mentally arranging the day's work for himself and for every man on the farm4 ,the python on the branch1 ,i imagine1 is often engaged in cutting out4 ,in farming1 he added1 for he was giving a lesson1 you ought to cut out fresh every day1 and not every week1 as some farmers do--though ,i've knowed them as never cut out at all4 ,and cutting out's a thing you can never learn in books and colleges4 ,it comes by experience--and a light hand4 ,sometimes you must cut out rough1 and sometimes you must cut out fine--mostly according to the weather and the time o' year--and always leave a bit somewhere as isn't cut out at all4 ,and when you've done the cutting out1 take a look out o' the window and tap your glass4 ,do it the minute you jumps out o' bed4 ,and if there's been a change in the wind during the night1 cut out again while you're pulling your breeches on and tear up what you've cut out already4 ,and don't give no orders to anybody till you've had your breakfast--leastways a cup o' tea2 it clears a man's head and lets you see if you've been making any mistakes4 ,i've often cut out six or seven times between waking and giving the day's orders--what with the tricks of the weather and my head not being as clear as it ought to have been4 ,and ,i wondered how often ,napoleon had done the same thing4 ,indeed1 if ,i may venture on a quite innocent paradox1 there is a kind of slowness which takes the form of rapidity in reducing one's pace4 ,such slowness is nothing but inverted speed1 and is highly effective in farming1 in war1 and in many other things4 ,and of ,mr ,jeremy we may say that whereas1 on the one hand1 he was extremely slow in the acquisition of new knowledge1 on the other he was equally quick to check himself in the application of such knowledge as he possessed already4 ,this gave him1 in the eyes of superficial observers1 the appearance of being slow4 ,at the same time it enabled him to make a better thing out of farming than any of his neighbours1 some of whom had been trained in ,agricultural ,colleges4 ,i have to confess that my acquaintance with ,mr ,jeremy has not been without a certain demoralising effect4 ,it has corrupted the brightness of many comfortable truths which excellent preceptors taught me in my youth4 ,i will not say that my hold on these truths has altogether vanished2 but1 thanks to ,mr ,jeremy's influence1 ,i have learned to see them in so many new lights1 and with so many qualifications1 that for purposes of platform oratory on all questions connected with the land and its uses ,i have entirely lost the very little effectiveness ,i once had4 ,there was a time when if anyone mentioned the land ,i always wanted to make a speech4 ,now ,i feel--what no doubt ,i ought to have felt then--that ,i must hold my tongue4 ,to be quite frank1 my views on the land have become confused1 hesitating1 and politically ineffective4 ,that a farmer owning his own land was caeteris paribus necessarily better off than a tenant once seemed to me a truth so plain as not to be worth discussion4 ,but if ,i had to speak on that point now1 ,i should hesitate and hedge about to a degree which would force any intelligent audience to regard me as a fool4 ,instead of speaking out loud and strong for peasant proprietorship1 ,i should be thinking all the time of the three peasant proprietors in our neighbourhood--,george ,corey1 ,charles ,narroway1 and ,billy ,hoare1 who are the meanest1 the stingiest1 the most underhand and generally despicable rascals ,i have ever met4 ,were a resolution placed before the meeting in favour of bringing the townspeople back on to the land1 ,i should say in support that while it is infinitely sad to see the real peasantry drifting into the towns1 it is yet worse to see people like ,prendergast1 the ex-draper1 drifting out of the towns and setting up as country gentlemen4 ,i should want to tell the audience all about ,prendergast and the hideous human packing-case he has built on the opposite hillside2 how he swindled the village shopkeeper out of twenty pounds2 how he sweats his labourers just as he sweated the poor girls who used to serve behind his counter2 how he told me to go to the devil when ,i begged him not to build his abominable house where it would spoil the view3 and then ,i should want to add a few details about his personal habits which ,i am afraid would cause the ladies to walk out of the room4 ,and ,i should wind up by saying1 amid the derisive laughter of the audience1 that one reason1 at all events1 why the real peasants go into the towns is to escape from slavery to these pinchbeck fellows who come out of the towns4 ,i should want to quote--but ,i am afraid my courage would have already broken down--what ,jeremy once said to me3--,the ,dook--when did you ever hear of any man going into the town as worked on his estate8 ,but as for this 'ere ,prendergast1 ,i wonder the very pigs stop in his stye4 ,undoubtedly it was due to ,jeremy's influence that ,i came to appreciate this side of the matter4 ,he also taught me to regard the tenant farmer as superior to all other varieties of his class4 ,i know it is wrong-headed1 generalising from a particular case and all that--but ,i would rather be wrong-headed with ,jeremy1 who took a back-view of everything1 than right-headed with some forward spirits who treat the land as a corpus vile for political experiments4 ,and what logical mind could resist arguments like the following1 back-views though they be8 ,it takes two1 sir1 said ,jeremy1 for to handle the land4 ,a nobleman to own it1 and a farmer to cultivate it4 ,there's nothing that gives you confidence like having a real gentleman behind you--and the ,dook's a real gentleman if ever there was one4 ,and you want confidence in farming--and that's what these 'ere ,radicals don't see4 ,i don't want none o' their safeguards6 ,give me the ,dook--he's safeguard enough for me6 ,and what safeguard have you when fellers like ,prendergast begin buying up the land8 ,look at his tenants--not a real farmer among 'em1 no1 and not one as can make both ends meet4 ,these little landlords are the men they ought to shoot at1 not the big 'uns4 ,now isn't it a wonderful thing that my family and the ,dook's has kept step with one another for a matter of two hundred years8 ,eight ,dooks in that time and eight ,jeremys--one ,jeremy to each ,dook6 ,but who'll ever keep step with ,prendergast8 ,who'll ever want to8 ,why1 ,i wouldn't be seen walking down the street with him1 no1 not if you was to give me a thousand pounds4 ,and if he was to offer me his best farm rent-free to-morrow1 ,i'd tell him to go and boil hisself4 ,no1 sir1 he continued1 it don't pay to own the land you farm2 and don't you believe them as tells you it does4 ,leastways1 it pays a sight better to farm under a good landlord4 ,them as can't make farming pay under a landlord1 can't make it pay at all4 ,now look at me and then look at ,charley ,shott4 ,me and ,charley started the same year1 him with #djj acres of his own1 and me with #chj acres under the ,dook1 rented all round at twenty-eight shillings an acre4 ,and where are we both now after thirty years8 ,why1 if ,charley's land1 and all he's made on it1 and all he's put into it1 were set at auction to-morrow1 ,i could buy him up twice over6 ,and me paying over five hundred pounds a year rent for thirty years1 and him not paying a penny4 ,how does that come about8 ,well1 you're not a farmer1 and you wouldn't understand if ,i told you4 ,but ,i'll tell you one thing as perhaps you can understand4 ,it hurts the land to break it up4 ,and it hurts the land still more to sell it4 ,now ,i dare say you never heard of that before4 ,i confessed that ,i had not4 ,well1 it's a fact4 ,when you break land up it won't keep4 ,it goes like rotten apples3 first a bit goes rotten here and then a bit there2 and the rottenness spreads and runs together4 ,and as to selling1 ,i tell you there's something in the land as knows when you're goin' to sell it1 and loses heart4 ,i've seen the same thing in 'osses4 ,it takes the land longer to get used to a new master than it does a 'oss2 and there's some land as never will4 ,no1 sir1 ,i say again1 if you want to make farming pay1 take a farm on a big estate1 one that's never been broke up and's never likely to be1 one that's been in the same hands for hundreds o' years1 one that's never been shaken up and messed with and slopped all over with lawyer's ink1 and made sour with lawyer's lies4 ,never mind if the rent's a bit stiffish4 ,rent never bothered me4 ,i ventured to dissent from these opinions1 for ,i had given lectures on ,political ,economy1 and ,i knew of at least four different theories of ,rent all at variance with ,jeremy's--and with one another4 ,perhaps ,i should have succeeded better had ,i known of only one4 ,but1 knowing of four1 ,i may have become a little confused in my attempts to confute ,farmer ,jeremy4 ,not that this made very much difference4 ,on all questions relating to the nature of land and its uses ,jeremy was a mystic1 and orthodox ,political ,economy was as futile to his mind as it was to ,mr ,ruskin's4 ,every position ,i took up was immediately stormed by the rejoinder1 ,ah1 well1 you're not a farmer1 and you don't understand4 ,i could not help remembering that ,i had often been overthrown in more abstruse arguments by the same sort of answer4 ,i might1 indeed1 have countered by saying1 ,ah1 well1 ,mr ,jeremy1 you're not an economist1 and you don't understand4 ,but it occurred to me that the reply would be feeble4 ,i tell you1 he went on1 that good land likes to be high-rented4 ,it sort o' keeps it in humour4 ,land likes to be owned by a gentleman1 and keeps its heart up accordin'4 ,whenever the rent o' land goes down1 the quality goes down too4 ,i've noticed it again and again4 ,i tried to indicate that this last statement was an inversion of cause and effect1 but the argument made not the faintest impression on ,mr ,jeremy1 who merely brushed away a fly that had settled on his nose1 and continued3 ,i never spoke to the ,dook but once4 ,i met him one morning riding to hounds with ,lady ,sybil and ,lady ,agatha4 ,as soon as he sees me he trots his horse up to where ,i was standing and holds out his hand4 ',jeremy1' says he1 ',i want to shake hands with you4 ,you're a splendid specimen of the ,british farmer4' ',thank you1 your ,grace1' ,i says2 'and you're a splendid specimen of the ,british ,dook1' for ,i was never afraid of speaking my mind to anyone4 ,at that his ,grace bursts out laughin'1 and so did ,lady ,sybil and ,lady ,agatha too4 ',let me introduce you to my two daughters1' says he4 ,so he introduces me1 and ,i can tell you ,i stood up to 'em like a man1 though ,i did keep my hat in my hand all the time4 ',well1 ,jeremy1' says he1 'you've got your farm in tip-top condition'2 and then he begins talking about putting up some new buildings1 as me and the agent had been talking over before4 ',we'll put 'em up next spring1' says his ,grace2 'and remember1 ,jeremy1 that in all that concerns the development of this farm you have me behind you4' ',i've never forgotten it1 your ,grace1' ,i says1 'and ,i never shall4 ,and ,i'm not the only one who remembers it4 ,the land remembers it too1 your ,grace1' ,i says4 ',i hope it does1 ,jeremy1' says he1 'for ,i love it4' ,and ,i never see a young lady look prettier than ,lady ,agatha did when she heard her father say them words4 ,i had heard this story so often from ,farmer ,jeremy1 and always with the same reference to ,lady ,agatha at the end1 that ,i was familiar with every word of it4 ,he was growing old1 and ,i believe that in the course of the year he managed to tell the story a hundred times over4 ,i was coming home from market last ,saturday1 said he1 and a lot of other farmers was in the same compartment with me4 ,we begins talkin' about the ,dook1 and ,i happened to tell 'em about that time when ,i met his ,grace with ,lady ,sybil and ,lady ,agatha4 ,there was a chap sitting in one corner as didn't belong to our lot1 and as soon as he hears the ,dook's name mentioned he drops his paper and begins listening4 ,well1 ,i never see such a rage anywhere as that man got into when ,i told 'em how ,i kept my hat in my hand while talking to the ladies4 ,regular insultin' is what he was2 and ,i can tell you ,i never came nearer giving a man one in the eye than ,i did him4 ,i believe ,i'd ha' done it if there'd been room in the carriage for him to put up his hands and make a square fight on it4 ,i don't say as he weren't a plucky chap too2 for there wasn't a man in the carriage as couldn't ha' knocked his head off with the flat of his hand1 if he'd had a mind to4 ',look here1 you fellows1' he says1 'you're a lot of blasted idiots1 that's what you are4 ,it's because of the besotted ignorance of men like you that ,england has the worst land-system in the world4 ,slaverin' and grovellin' before a lot o' rotten ,dooks--why1 you ought to be ashamed of yourselves6 ,i'll bet that ,dook o' yours and his two painted gals was mounted on fine horses and dressed up to the nines4' ',of course they was1' ,i says1 'and so they ought to be4' ',well1' says he1 'who paid for the horses and the clothes--and the paint8' ',here1' ,i says1 jumping up from my seat1 'you drop the paint1 or ,i'll pitch you out o' that winder4' ',well1 then1' says he1 'who paid for the horses and the clothes8' ',i neither know nor care1' says ,i2 'so long as they was paid for1 it's no business of mine or yourn who paid for 'em4' ',you paid for 'em1 you fool1' says he4 ',oh1 indeed1' says ,i4 ',and now1 young man1 perhaps you'll allow me to give you a word of advice4' ',fire away1' says he4 ',well1' ,i says1 'the next time your missus has a washin' day1 you just wait till she's made the copper 'ot1 and then jump into it and boil yourself6' ,the chap in the railway carriage was by no means the only person to whom ,mr ,jeremy addressed this drastic advice4 ,it was his usual mode of clinching an argument when his instincts supported a conclusion to which his intelligence could not find the way4 ,this method of arriving at truth was especially useful in regard to politics and theology1 in both of which ,mr ,jeremy took a lively1 or even violent1 interest4 ,needless to say1 his political aversions were of the strongest1 and ,mr ,lloyd ,george was the statesman who had to bear the hottest flame of ,jeremy's wrath4 ,more than once ,i have seen him fling his weekly paper on the floor with the words1 ,i wish this 'ere ,lloyd ,george would jump into the copper and boil hisself2 and on my remarking that ,i thought this a rather inhuman suggestion1 he would wave his arm round the room1 in a manner to indicate the entire ,liberal ,party1 and say1 ,i wish the whole lot on 'em would jump into coppers and boil themselves4 ,as to theology1 ,i seldom dared to address a hint of my heresies to ,mr ,jeremy4 ,but on my once saying to another person1 in his presence1 something to the effect that ,i did not believe in eternal damnation1 he quickly crossed over to where ,i was sitting1 and1 giving me a rather ugly dig with his powerful forefinger1 said1 ,look here6 ,you just jump into the copper and boil yourself4 ,a wise stupidity was the keynote of ,mr ,jeremy's life4 ,another expression reserved for occasions when great emphasis was needed1 was a finished specimen4 ,a thing1 in ,mr ,jeremy's eyes1 deserved this title when its general condition was so bad that nothing worse of its kind could be conceived1 and the expression accordingly was only used after the ordinary resources of descriptive language had given out4 ,it was applied to persons as well as to things4 ,mr ,lloyd ,george was1 naturally1 a finished specimen3 so was the ,german ,emperor3 so was ,dr ,crippen3 so was a lady of uncertain reputation who had taken a cottage in the neighbourhood4 ,a wet harvest1 a badly built hayrick1 a measly pig1 a feeble sermon by the curate1 were all finished specimens4 ,once when the curate1 getting gravelled for lack of matter at the end of five minutes--for he was preaching ex tempore--abruptly concluded his sermon by promising to complete the subject next week1 ,i heard ,jeremy whisper to his wife1 ,well1 he's a finished specimen1 that he is4 ,nothing irritated the good man so much as an unfinished job1 and the fact that a thing was unfinished was precisely what he meant to express when he called it a finished specimen4 ,a great deal of human language1 especially philosophical language1 seems to be constructed on the same principle4 ,mr ,jeremy was a regular church-goer4 ,the ,church in his eyes was part of the established order of ,nature1 on due observance of which the farmer's welfare depends1 and merely extended into the next world those desirable results which sound instincts1 punctuality1 and putting your back into it produced in this4 ,on week-days ,mr ,jeremy farmed the broad acres of the ,dook2 on ,sundays he farmed ,palestine1 and occasionally drove a straight furrow clean across the back of the ,universe4 ,to both operations he applied the same methods1 the same instincts1 the same ideas4 ,i confess that ,i have often smiled with the air of a superior person when listening to a highly trained ,cathedral choir proclaiming to the strains of great music that ,moab was their washpot2 but when ,mr ,jeremy repeated the words in the village church ,i felt that he spoke the truth1 and ,i went away with a clearer conception of ,moab than ,i have ever gained from the works of ,kuenen or ,cheyne4 ,moab1 ,i reflected1 can be no other than the little field on the hillside1 where ,jeremy washes his sheep in the pool behind the willows4 ,again1 ,i was morally certain that if ,jeremy had lived in the neighbourhood of ,edom he would have cast out his shoe upon that country1 accurately aiming the missile at the head of any rascally ,edomite who happened to be prowling about with a rabbit-snare in his pocket4 ,so too when he shouted ,manasseh is mine--he always shouted the ,psalms--,i was sure that ,manasseh really was his1 in a tenant-farmer way of speaking1 and that next ,thursday he would begin to rip up ,manasseh with his great steam plough1 and reap in due course a crop of forty bushels to the acre1 paying the ,dook a high rent for the privilege4 ,nor was ,jeremy making any idle boast when he thundered out his further intentions1 which were to divide ,sichem1 to mete out the valley of ,succoth1 and to triumph over ,philistia4 ,all this was ,pragmatism of the purest water2 you were sure he would keep his promise to the letter2 you were glad for ,sichem and ,succoth1 which were to be divided and meted out1 though perhaps a little sorry for the ,philistines1 who were to be triumphed over1 that a man like ,jeremy should have undertaken the business2 but you recognised that no better man for the job could be found anywhere than he4 ,to be sure1 ,mr ,jeremy1 although he would have gladly boiled the whole ,liberal ,party in coppers1 was much too tender-hearted to wish that anybody's little ones should be dashed against the stones2 but ,i believe that in his innermost thought he launched the words against them tarnation sparrers and that plague o' rats4 ,on the whole1 no one who listened to ,mr ,jeremy's repetition of these ,psalms could doubt their entire appropriateness as a religious exercise for men such as he1 or refrain from hoping that they would never be expunged from the ,book of ,common ,prayer until the last ,british farmer had gone to church for the last time4 ,so too with the ,creeds4 ,i believed every one of them as recited by ,mr ,jeremy1 and ,i found the ,athanasian the most convincing of them all4 ,the ,sundays set down for the use of that ,creed--and its use was never omitted in our parish--were the most serious ,sundays of the year to ,mr ,jeremy1 and the vigour of his voice and his attitude1 and the fervour of his participation1 made a spectacle to be remembered4 ,i wish ,william ,james might have seen it before he wrote his ,varieties of ,religions ,experience2 it would have given him a new chapter4 ,at the very first words ,jeremy joined in like a trained sprinter starting for a race2 and though the clergyman rattled through the clauses as fast as he could pronounce1 or mispronounce1 the syllables1 the farmer headed him by a word or two from the very first1 gradually increasing his lead as the race proceeded until towards the end he was a full sentence to the good4 ,it was evident that to ,jeremy's mind1 and perhaps to the clergyman's also1 a subtle relation existed between the truth of the ,creed and the speed with which it could be rendered4 ,long before the end was in sight1 and while ,jeremy was still battling with various incomprehensibles1 the rest of the competitors had retired from sheer exhaustion2 the children were munching sweets2 the lads and lasses were ogling one another at the back of the church2 ,mrs ,jeremy was staring in front of her1 wondering perhaps if the careless ,susan would remember that onion sauce always went with a leg of mutton on ,sundays2 while ,lady ,agatha and ,lady ,sybil--,i grieve to record this1 but my historical conscience compels me--sat down4 ,as to those of us who remained attentive to what was going on1 our confidence in ,catholic ,truth gradually took the form of a certainty that the farmer would come in first and the clergyman be nowhere4 ,so it always proved4 ,standing in the pew behind that of ,jeremy1 ,i could see the muscles of his mighty back working up and down beneath the broadcloth of his ,sunday coat2 and as ,i looked from him to the easily winded gentleman from ,pusey ,house who was running against him in the chancel1 ,i could not help reflecting how ridiculous1 nay1 how unsportsmanlike1 it was to allow two men so ill matched to compete for the same event4 ,this1 no doubt1 was the first symptom that1 in spite of the standing attitude1 ,i was going to sleep4 ,but before it could happen ,i was suddenly brought to my senses by the fortissimo e prestissimo of ,jeremy's conclusion4 ,he cannot be saved1 he roared out1 banging his prayer-book down on the book-rest1 with a defiant look around him1 as though the whole ,liberal ,party were in church4 ,he cannot be saved1--and visions of all sorts of people boiling in coppers filled the mental eye4 ,jeremy1 for a farmer1 was the most outrageous optimist ,i have ever met4 ,he never grumbled1 save at politicians1 and the worst weather could hardly disconcert him4 ,you can always turn a bit o' bad weather to good account--if you put your back into it4 ,yes1 it's been a wet season1 no doubt1 but not what ,i should call a bad season4 ,it's true we've made but little hay1 and that not good2 but the meadows isn't dried up as they was last year1 and there'll be feed for the stock in the open most of the winter4 ,i bought fifty new head o' stock last ,wednesday--bought 'em cheap of a man as got frightened--and they'll be well fattened by ,christmas4 ,serious setbacks1 of course1 often occurred2 but ,jeremy1 unlike most of his kind1 was not the man to talk about them4 ,what ,i believe in1 he said1 is not only keeping your own heart up1 but helping your neighbours to keep up theirs4 ,i've no patience with all this 'ere grumbling and growling4 ,of course1 a person has a lot to put up with in farming2 but it doesn't do a person no good to be always thinking about that4 ,pleasant thoughts goes a long way in making money4 ,and ,i tell you there's money to be made in farming1 let folks say what they will4 ,what farmers want is not for ,parliament to help 'em1 but for ,parliament to leave 'em alone4 ,that's why ,i can't stand this 'ere ,liberal ,government4 ,why can't they stop messing wi' things--messing wi' the land1 messing wi' the landlords1 messing wi' the tenants1 messing wi' the farm-labourers8 ,why can't they leave it all alone and stick to what they understand1 if there's anything they do understand1 which ,i doubt8 ,no1 sir2 ,i don't want their laws1 good or bad4 ,give me the custom of the county1 and a good bench o' magistrates1 and a cheerful disposition1 and a farmyard full o' muck1 and ,i've got all ,i want to make farming pay--always provided you put your back into it4 ,but during the long-continued rain of last summer ,i could not help observing that ,jeremy1 in spite of his fidelity to these principles1 was making an effort to keep up his heart4 ,not only was his hay ruined1 but the finest crop of wheat he had ever raised was sprouting in the ear4 ,there was sickness among the sheep and the pigs2 and the standing crop in his great orchard was sold to a middleman for a quarter the usual price4 ,but ,jeremy made no complaint4 ,only1 meeting the clergyman one day in the road1 he said1 ,parson1 it's high time you put up the prayer for fine weather4 ,jeremy had a firm belief in the power of prayer--and especially of this one4 ,on the first occasion when this prayer was used in the village church ,i was present in my usual place behind ,jeremy4 ,as the prayer proceeded it was evident that the farmer was putting his back into it4 ,i could see the movement of the deltoid muscles1 and ,i watched a great crease form itself in the lower portion of his coat and gradually creep upwards until it formed a straight line from one shoulder-blade to the other4 ,when the prayer concluded ,jeremy said ,amen and ,amen6 with the utmost fervour2 and the crease in his coat slowly disappeared4 ,i am afraid ,i was more occupied in watching this crease than in recalling the lesson that was taught to us sinners when it pleased ,jehovah to drown all the world1 except eight persons4 ,during the next ten days the rain fell with increasing volume and fury3 the ditches were in flood2 the roads were watercourses1 and much damage was done on ,jeremy's farm4 ,meeting him at this time1 ,i said in the course of conversation1 perhaps foolishly1 ,mr ,jeremy1 the prayer for fine weather seems to have done us very little good4 ,for a moment he looked at me rather angrily1 as though suspecting that some lukewarmness on my part had deprived the prayer of its due effect4 ,then he checked himself and seemed to reflect4 ,no1 he said at length1 it's done us no good at all4 ,but what else can you expect1 with all them gigglin' wenches at the back of the church8 ,for three miserable weeks the heavens were deaf to our entreaties1 and matters began to look pretty black4 ,a change for the better was confidently expected with the new moon2 and though ,i have never been able to discover the origin of the superstition1 nor a reason for it1 ,i found myself as expectant as any of my neighbours--like that other great philosopher1 who didn't believe in ghosts1 but was desperately afraid of them4 ,however1 the new moon brought no relief to our sorry plight--and the superstition lives on in our parish1 unimpaired4 ,ominous rumours about the end of the world spread from cottage to cottage1 and our wits were busy in discovering the culprit whose misdeeds had precipitated the coming catastrophe4 ,most of us were persuaded that it was ,tom ,mellon the waggoner1 a good workman but an irredeemable drunkard2 and ,tom1 who was aware of our suspicions1 became thoroughly scared4 ,for the first time in twenty years ,tom kept away from the public-house when his wages were paid1 and went to bed sober but terribly depressed on ,saturday night4 ,on ,monday morning1 ,mrs ,mellon1 whose face for once bore no trace of bruises1 informed our cook that her master had had a dreadful bad night4 ,he would keep jumping out o' bed and going to the window1 to look into the sky and see if anything was up4 ,tom had communicated his fears1 when in an early stage of development1 to his boon companion1 ,charley ,stamp the ex-roadman1 whose old-age pension went the way of ,tom's wages and swelled the revenues of the public-house by the regular sum of five shillings per week4 ,these two ,arcadians1 as they sat over their cups1 concerted a plan1 composed mainly of bad language1 for defeating the ends of justice on the ,day of ,doom2 and on the ,saturday night previous to the one last mentioned came home together abominably intoxicated1 waving their hats and roaring out as they went up the village that they were ready for ,judgment--with a tooral-ri-looral1 and a rooral-li-ray4 ,subsequent events proved that neither of them was ready4 ,tom's courage1 as we have seen1 went to pieces on hearing it definitely whispered that the universe was about to be wiped out in consequence of his bad habits4 ,charley's downfall was even more sudden4 ,in the small hours of the very morning after his performance in the village street it happened that ,farmer ,jeremy's bull1 scenting a cow in a neighbouring pasture1 expressed his sentiments by emitting a loud bellow4 ,the sound travelled to ,charley's cottage1 and1 descending the chimney1 mingled with his drunken dreams4 ,get up1 missis1 he shouted1 get up2 the trumpet's sounding6 and rushing into the garden he began to howl like a jackal4 ,the howls woke the village1 and a score of terrified souls1 myself among them1 convinced that it was come at last1 looked out of their windows--only to find that a lovely morning was breaking over the hills4 ,fine weather returned soon after2 and ,i am sorry to say that with its coming the moral reformation which had begun so hopefully in ,tom and ,charley1 and spread to several less hardened sinners in our village1 was terminated at a stroke4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it must have been some four or five days before the change came in the weather that ,i took advantage of a bright interval in the evening to walk across the summit of the hill which shades my house from the setting sun4 ,i pushed on into the upland until the dusk had fallen1 and found myself at last in a deserted quarry--a long familiar spot1 where in old days ,i used to meet ,snarley ,bob4 ,there ,i sat down on the very heap of stones on which he sat as he talked to me of the stars4 ,in due time the stars came out1 and ,i wondered in which of them the great spirit of my old friend had found its abode4 ,i imagined it was ,capella2 why ,i know not1 unless it be that ,capella was the star to which ,snarley's finger often pointed when he lifted up his voice about the things on high4 ,this has nothing to do with my story1 and ,i mention it here only because ,i find myself wondering at this moment how spirits so diverse as those of ,snarley ,bob and ,tom ,mellon could have breathed the same atmosphere and drawn their sustenance from the same environment4 ,i lingered in the quarry pondering my memories until the great rain-clouds1 creeping up from different points of the horizon1 had met in the zenith and every star had disappeared4 ,a sullen rain began to fall1 and black darkness was over the hill4 ,i turned homewards1 reflecting that it might not be easy to find my way by the sheep-tracks on so dark a night4 ,i remembered that on the summit of the hill1 some two miles from where ,i was1 there stood an isolated barn surrounded by sheds for the shelter of cattle4 ,from this point the way down into the village could hardly be missed1 and thither accordingly ,i turned my steps4 ,with some difficulty ,i found the barn2 for the ways were wet and in some places impassable1 and the night1 as ,i have said1 was very dark4 ,on nearing the barn ,i was astonished to notice a gleam of light issuing from the half-closed door4 ,i approached1 and as ,i did so ,i was yet more astonished1 and a little scared1 to hear the loud and lamentable tones of a human voice4 ,i listened1 and at once recognised the voice as ,jeremy's1 though ,i could not hear what he was saying nor explain to myself the preternatural solemnity of the tone4 ,it was not a cry of pain1 nor that of a man in need of human help4 ,i drew yet nearer1 and it became plain to me that ,jeremy was praying4 ,curiosity tempting me on1 ,i crept up to the barn and looked in through the partly opened door4 ,this is what ,i saw4 ,kneeling on the floor towards the further side of the barn1 with a lighted stable-lantern suspended over his head1 was ,jeremy4 ,his back was towards me1 but ,i could see that he had a book in his hand4 ,a glance was sufficient to show me that ,i was looking at a man in wrestle with his ,god4 ,i knew the signs of ,jeremy's earnestness2 and they were there--intense1 unmistakable4 ,never have ,i witnessed a more solemn spectacle1 and1 had not something held me spell-bound to the spot1 ,i should have retreated in very shame of my intrusion4 ,at the moment when ,i first caught sight of his figure ,jeremy was silent4 ,his head was bowed on his chest1 his feet were drawn close together1 and his right hand1 holding the book--which ,i saw was the ,book of ,common ,prayer--drooped on the ground4 ,i noted the head of a steel rat-trap protruding from the big side-pocket of his coat4 ,i also remember how the bright nails of his boots1 of which the soles were turned towards me1 glittered in the light of the lantern4 ,presently ,jeremy raised the book1 turned over the leaves--for he had lost the place--slightly readjusted his position1 and in a deep and solemn voice again began to pray4 ,and this was his prayer3 ,o ,almighty ,lord ,god1 who for the sin of man didst once drown all the world1 except eight persons1 and afterward of thy great mercy didst promise never to destroy it so again3 we humbly beseech thee1 that although we for our iniquities have worthily deserved a plague of rain and waters1 yet upon our true repentance thou wilt send us such weather1 as that we may receive the fruits of the earth in due season2 and learn both by thy punishment to amend our lives1 and for thy clemency to give thee praise and glory2 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord4 ,amen4 ,it was enough4 ,quickly and silently as ,i could ,i slipped away into the darkness1 filled with a sense of the sacrilege of my intrusion and the solemnity of the hour4 ,i have listened in my time to many prayers of many men2 ,i have heard the ,almighty flattered1 complimented1 instructed in the metaphysics of his own nature1 and insulted by the grovelling and insincere self-depreciation of his own creatures2 ,i have heard him talked at1 and talked about1 by cowardly men-pleasers who had no more religion than a rhinoceros2 and ,i have wondered much at the patience of heaven with all this detestable eloquence4 ,i have heard also the short and stumbling prayers of the honest1 of the ,salvationist kneeling in the thoroughfare of a town full of sin1 of the mother with her arms round the neck of a dying child2 but none even of these have dealt so shrewd a thrust at my self-satisfaction as did the prayer of ,farmer ,jeremy4 ,what strange secrets1 ,i thought1 are hidden in the human heart6 ,verily1 the ways of man1 like the ways of ,god1 are past finding out4 ,now1 it so happened that ,i had given ,jeremy a promise that ,i would1 that very night1 join him at supper and have a chat4 ,i would gladly have found an excuse if ,i could4 ,but it was not easy to excuse oneself to ,jeremy2 his discernments were keen4 ,moreover1 ,i half feared that he might have discovered my footsteps outside the barn2 and ,i knew that if he had1 the only wise course was to face the situation1 tell the truth1 and have it out4 ,it was soon evident1 however1 that he had discovered nothing2 and ,i1 of course1 kept my counsel4 ,i entered the farm kitchen and found ,mrs ,jeremy awaiting her husband by the fire4 ,master's late in coming home1 she said4 ,he's gone up the hill with a lantern1 to set traps in the ,grey ,barn4 ,he says it's full o' rats4 ,but he ought to have come back half an hour ago4 ,he'll be back soon1 ,i answered2 and a moment later ,i heard the ring of his boots on the stone flags outside4 ,entering the room1 ,jeremy1 without greeting me1 walked across the floor and tapped the barometer on the wall4 ,it's rising1 he said4 ,i thought it would by the look of the moon last night4 ,well1 given a bit o' fine weather now1 we shall not do so badly after all4 ,the wheat's less sprouted than ,i thought it was2 just a little down in 'the ,guns1' but none at all in ',quebec4' ,please ,god1 we shall get forty-five to the acre1 up there2 and all in tip-top condition4 ,how are the root-crops8 ,i asked4 ,looking splendid2 couldn't be better4 ,you see1 they're all on the high ground4 ,did you set your traps8 said ,mrs ,jeremy4 ,i did4 ,but there's too many rats for trappin' to do much good4 ,we must try this 'ere new poison4 ,that'll cook their gooses for 'em1 according to what ,i hear4 ,after supper the conversation turned once more on the weather4 ,it's bound to mend1 said ,jeremy2 there's a rising glass1 and the wind's gone round to the north-west since ,i went up the hill4 ,just look out o' this winder at them clouds drifting across the sky4 ,and they're a lot higher up than they were this afternoon4 ,and ,i tell you these 'ere prayers as we've been puttin' up in church are bound to do some good1 though they mayn't do all the good as we want4 ,i've noticed it again and again1 both wet seasons and droughty4 ,the prayer of a righteous man availeth much1 said ,mrs ,jeremy1 who1 notwithstanding her mental wanderings during the ,athanasian ,creed1 was a pious soul4 ,i was sorry the conversation had taken this turn1 being disinclined to discuss the subject just then4 ,but ,jeremy was only too ready to take the cue4 ,yes1 he said2 and the prayer of a sinner is sometimes almost as good as the prayer of a righteous man2 though1 mind you1 ,i don't say it's quite as good4 ,i'm a bit of a sinner myself2 but ,i've had lots of answers to prayer in my life4 ,lots1 ,i tell you4 ,you see1 it's this way4 ,my belief is1 that you've no business to want a thing unless you're ready to pray for it4 ,of course1 you can't always tell what you ought to want and what you oughtn't--that's the difficulty4 ,but my plan is to pray for everything as ,i wants and then leave the ,lord to sort out the bad from the good4 ,there's a ,collect in church as puts it in that way4 ,mind you1 ,i wouldn't pray for anything as ,i knowed were bad4 ,there'd be no sense in that4 ,and as for fine weather1 all points to that being good1 and your prayer stands a fair chance of being answered4 ,of course1 it may be bad for reasons we don't know about2 though ,i don't think it is myself4 ,so it's right to pray for it4 ,pray for everything you want--that's what ,i says2 and leave the rest to the ,lord4 ,jeremy would no doubt have said much more1 for he was a great talker when started on his favourite themes1 and this was one of them4 ,but we were interrupted by a cry from ,mrs ,jeremy at the other side of the table4 ,it was simply1 ,oh dear6 ,looking up1 ,i saw that she was leaning forward with her face buried in her hands1 sobbing violently4 ,darn my gaiters6 said ,jeremy1 ,i'm nought but a fool4 ,i oughtn't to ha' talked about them things before my missus4 ,i never do2 but something's made me forget myself to-night4 ,you see1 it's reminded her of our trouble4 ,i did not understand this last remark4 ,but ,i asked no question1 being too much occupied in watching the infinite tenderness of the good man as he sought to comfort his wife4 ,i draw a veil over that4 ,now go to bed1 there's a good girl1 and think no more about it1 was the end of what he had to say4 ,mrs ,jeremy retired1 the tears standing in her eyes4 ,she shook hands with me1 but didn't speak4 ,jeremy resumed his seat1 lit his pipe1 and began to explain4 ,his voice trembled and almost broke down with the first sentence4 ,you see1 he said1 waving his hand towards the fire1 it's a childless hearth4444 ,it hasn't always been4 ,there was one1 once--fifteen years ago4 ,he was six years of age--as bright a little nipper as ever you see4 ,oh yes1 he said his prayers3 said one too many1 that he did4444 ,o my ,god6444 ,well1 it was this way4 ,it was one ,christmas ,eve1 and a young lady as we had for his governess had been telling the little nipper all about ,father ,christmas--,i don't blame her2 she's never got over it any more than we have1 and never will--444 all about ,father ,christmas1 as ,i was saying2 and he drinks it all in with his wide little eyes1 as though it was ,gospel truth4 ',i'll tell ,father ,christmas to bring me something real nice1' he says4 ,so just before they put him to bed that night he goes to that open fireplace1 where you're sitting now1 and pops his head up the chimney1 and calls out1 ',father ,christmas1 please bring me to-night a magic lantern1 a pair of roller skates1 four wax candles1 and a box o' them chocolates with the little nuts inside 'em1 for ,jesus ,christ sake1 ,amen4' ,then he goes away from the fire1 and ,i says1 ',all right1 nipper1 ,i'll bring 'em1' from behind that door1 in a voice to make him believe as ,father ,christmas was answering4 ,well1 he starts to go to bed2 but just as he reached them stairs in the passage he runs back1 and pops his little head up the chimney again4 ',father ,christmas1' he says1 'don't forget the little nuts in the chocolates4 ,i don't want none o' them pink 'uns4' ,and1 ,o my ,god6 he'd hardly spoken the words when more than half a hundredweight of blazing soot comes slathering down the chimney and falls right on the top of him just where he stood4 ,i tell you there never was a thing seen like it since this world began6 ,the room was filled with black smoke in a second2 we were all blinded2 we could neither breathe nor see4 ,we couldn't see him1 we couldn't find him2 and we all stumbled up against one another2 and the missus fell insensible on the floor4 ,and him screaming with pain all the time--and ,i tell you ,i couldn't find him1 though ,i rushed like a madman all over the room and groped everywhere1 and put my hands into the very fire6 ,then ,i went too--dropped like a stone4 ,it was all over in a minute4 ,they pulled the rest of us out in the nick of time3 but the poor little nipper was burned to death4444 ,farmer ,jeremy rose from his seat and went to the window4 ,he was shaking all over2 but ,i averted my glance1 for it is a terrible thing to see a strong man in the agony of his soul1 and the eyes cannot bear it long4 ,the clouds are breaking1 he said2 and1 please ,god1 ,i'll cut 'the ,slaughters' to-morrow4 ,but there's one harvest as will never be reaped3 and there's one cloud that will never break4 ,not till the ,resurrection ,morn4 ,ah me6 99 99 99 99 99 ,on the lovely afternoon of an autumn ,sunday1 about a fortnight after these things1 ,i met ,jeremy in the fields1 walking the round with his terrier dog4 ,grand weather for farmers1 ,i cried4 ,grand it is1 sir1 he answered1 and let us be thankful for it4 ,yes1 ,i said2 it has been long enough in coming1 and is all the more welcome now it has come4 ,i felt that the words struck the wrong note2 or rather they struck none at all1 where a note of music was needed4 ,but ,i knew not what else to say4 ,jeremy with all his reserve was less timid and more affluent than ,i4 ,have you never thought1 sir1 he said1 drawing near to me1 what brought the fine weather8 ,i hesitated and was silent4 ,then ,i'll tell you1 said he4 ,the power o' prayer4 ,that very day ,i had been reading a book on ,primitive ,religion2 and as ,i parted from ,jeremy a question flashed through my mind4 ,may it not be1 ,i asked myself1 that ,primitive ,religion is the only religion that has ever existed1 or will exist1 in the world8 ,,white ,,roses ,of all the conversations of the learned1 those in which ,history and ,philosophy maintain the dialogue are probably the most instructive4 ,such a conversation ,i was fortunate enough to hear not long ago at the dinner-table of a friend2 and the occasion was the more interesting inasmuch as the ,philosopher of the party was led by a turn of the argument to lay aside his mantle and assume the role of the story-teller2 thereby providing us with a valuable comment on the very philosophy with which his own illustrious name has been long associated4 ,we had been talking during dinner about a certain ,expedition to the ,south ,seas undertaken by the ,british ,government in the eighteenth century2 and the ,historian had just finished a most surprising narration of the facts1 based on his recent investigation of unpublished documents1 when our ,hostess glanced at the clock1 and rising from her chair gave the signal to the ladies to depart4 ,when we had resumed our places the ,professor of ,philosophy said to the ,historian3 ,i wish you would tell us what in your opinion it was that caused the ,expedition to turn out such an utter failure4 ,the ,expedition failed1 said the ,historian1 because the commander was not allowed to select his own crews4 ,the ,government of the day was corrupt1 and insisted on manning the ships with men of its own choosing4 ,some were diseased2 others were criminals2 many had never handled a rope in their lives4 ,before the fleet had doubled ,cape ,horn one-third of the crews had perished1 and the rest were mutinous4 ,the enterprise was doomed to failure from the start4 ,the whole planet is manned in the same manner1 said the ,pessimist1 as he helped himself to one of our ,host's superlative cigars4 ,i'm sorry for the ,commander1 whoever he is4 ,what precisely do you mean8 said the ,professor of ,philosophy1 holding a lighted match to the end of the ,pessimist's cigar4 ,i mean1 said the ,pessimist1 that the prospects of the ,human ,expedition can't be very bright so long as ,society has to put up with anybody and everybody who happens to be born4 ,i suppose there is a ,human ,expedition1 he went on4 ,at least1 you have written as though there were4 ,but who selects the crew8 ,nobody4 ,they come aboard as they happen to be born1 and the unfortunate ,commander has to put up with them as they come--broken men1 jail-deliveries1 invalids1 sea-sick land-lubbers1 and ,heaven knows what4 ,who in his senses would put to sea with such a crowd8 ,humanity is always in a state like that of your ,expedition when it doubled ,cape ,horn--incompetent1 mutinous1 or sick unto death4 ,and what else can you expect in view of the conditions under which we all arrive on the planet8 ,the ,host now glanced uneasily at the ,professor of ,philosophy1 whose treatise on ,the ,world ,purpose was famous throughout three continents4 ,the ,professor was visibly arming himself for the fray3 he had just filled his claret-glass with port4 ,remember1 said the ,host1 that we must join the ladies in twenty minutes at the utmost4 ,i'm not going to argue1 replied the ,philosopher1 after a resolute sip at his port2 ,i'm going to tell you a story4 ,tell it in the drawing-room1 said the ,son of the ,house1 who had taken his pretty cousin down to dinner1 and was a little exhilarated by that and by the excellence of his father's wine2 that is to say1--and he spoke eagerly1 as if a bright idea had struck him1--that is to say1 of course1 if it will bear telling in the presence of ladies4 ,there was a roar of laughter1 and the ,son of the ,house blushed to the roots of his hair4 ,i am inclined to think1 said the ,professor1 that my story1 so far from being unsuitable for the ladies1 will be intelligible to no one else4 ,we'll join the ladies at once1 said the ,host1 and hear the ,professor's story4 ,the ,pessimist1 who was fond of talking1 now broke in4 ,that1 he said1 is most attractive1 but not quite fair to me4 ,i should like to finish what ,i have begun4 ,and ,i doubt if my views will be quite in place in the drawing-room4 ,besides1 the ,professor must finish his port4 ,i was only going to say1 he went on1 that the having to put up with all that comes in human shape is a very serious affair4 ,it seems to me that we all arrive in the world like dumped goods4 ,nobody has 'ordered' us1 and perhaps nobody wants us4 ,our parents wanted us1 did you say8 ,well1 ,i suppose our parents wanted children2 but it doesn't follow that they wanted you or me4 ,somebody else might have filled the book as well1 or better4 ,our birth is a matter of absolute chance4 ,for example1 my father has often told me how he met my mother4 ,there was a picnic on a ,swiss lake4 ,my father's watch was slow1 and when he arrived at the quay the boat that carried his party was out of sight4 ,it so happened that there was another party--people my father didn't know--going to another island1 and seeing him disconsolate on the quay they took pity on him and made him go with them4 ,it was in that boat that he first met my mother4 ,the moral is obvious4 ,if my father's watch had kept better time ,i should never have been in existence4 ,a jolly good thing1 too1 whispered the ,son of the ,house4 ,neither would my six brothers1 nor any of our descendants to the nth generation4 ,well1 that's how the whole planet gets itself manned4 ,that's how the crew is 'chosen4' ,and that's why the ,expedition gets into trouble on rounding ,cape ,horn4 ,it's a capital introduction to my story1 said the ,professor1 in whom1 after his second claret-glass of port1 ,the ,world ,purpose had assumed a new intensity4 ,i wish the ladies could have heard it4 ,i venture to think1 said our ,host1 that the ladies will understand the story all the better for not having heard the introduction4 ,you see1 ,i am assuming that the story is a good one--which is as much as to say that no introduction is needed4 ,thank you1 said the ,professor4 ,i say1 broke in the ,son of the ,house1 ,i say1 ,professor1 it's a pity you didn't take that question up in ,the ,world ,purpose4 ,that's an awfully good point of the ,pessimist's1 and a jolly difficult one to answer1 too4 ,i should like to see you tackle it4 ,why1 ,i once heard the ,pater here say to the ,mater---- ,we'll go upstairs1 said our ,host4 99 99 99 99 99 ,about ten years ago1 the ,professor began1 ,i was travelling one night in a third-class carriage to a town on the ,north-east ,coast4 ,my two companions in the compartment were evidently mother and daughter4 ,the mother had a singularly beautiful and intelligent face2 and the daughter1 who was about twelve years old1 resembled her4 ,they were dressed in good taste1 without rings or finery1 and1 so far as ,i am able to judge such things1 without expense4 ,prior to the departure of the train from the ,london terminus1 ,i had noticed the two walking up and down the platform and looking into the carriages1 apparently endeavouring to find a compartment to themselves4 ,they did not succeed1 and finally entered the compartment where ,i was4 ,whether ,i ought to have been flattered by this1 or the reverse1 ,i knew not4 ,i could see they wanted to be alone1 and ,i felt a brief impulse to leave them to themselves and go elsewhere4 ,it would have been a chivalrous act2 but whether from indolence1 or curiosity1 or some other feeling1 ,i let the impulse die1 and remained where ,i was4 ,the girl began immediately to arrange cushions for her mother in the corner of the carriage2 and from the solicitude she showed1 ,i gathered that the mother1 though to all appearance in health1 was either ill or convalescent4 ,by the time ,i had come to this conclusion the train was already in motion1 or ,i verily believe ,i should have obeyed my first impulse and left the carriage4 ,i am glad1 however1 that ,i did not4 ,when all had been arranged ,i noticed that the two had settled themselves in the attitude of lovers1 their hands clasped1 the girl resting her head on the mother's shoulder and gazing into her face from time to time with a look of infinite tenderness4 ,and it was some relief to me to observe that1 lover-like1 they seemed indifferent to my presence4 ,i was reading a book1 though ,i confess that my eyes and mind would constantly wander to the other side of the carriage4 ,i am not a sentimental person1 and scenes of sentiment are particularly objectionable to my temper of mind2 but for once in my life ,i was overawed by the consciousness that ,i was in the presence of deep and genuine emotion4 ,finally1 ,i gave up the effort to read2 a strange mental atmosphere seemed to surround me2 ,i fell into a reverie1 and ,i remember waking suddenly from a kind of dream1 or incoherent meditation on the pathos and tragedy of human life4 ,i looked at my companions and ,i saw that both were weeping4 ,the girl was in the same position as before4 ,the mother had turned her face away1 and was looking out into the blackness of the night4 ,tear after tear rolled down her cheek4 ,they must have become conscious that ,i was observing them1 though ,god knows ,i had little will to do so4 ,i took up my book and pretended to read2 and ,i knew that an effort was being made1 that tears were being checked1 that some climbing sorrow was being held down4 ,presently the lady said1 speaking in a steady voice-- ',do you know the name of the station we have just passed8' ,i told her the name of the station2 asked if ,i should raise the window2 spoke to the girl2 offered an illustrated paper1 and so on through the usual preliminaries of a traveller's talk4 ,the answers ,i received were such as one expects from people of charming manners4 ,but nothing followed1 for a time1 and ,i again took up my book4 ,the book ,i was reading1 or pretending to read1 was a volume of the ,ingersoll ,lectures1 bearing on the back the title ,human ,immortality4 ,once or twice ,i noticed the eyes of the woman resting on this1 but ,i was greatly surprised when1 in one of the pauses when ,i laid down the book1 she said-- ',would you mind my asking you a question8' ',certainly not4' ',do you believe in the ,immortality of the ,soul8' ,as a teacher of philosophy ,i am accustomed to leading questions at all sorts of inopportune moments1 but never in my life was ,i so completely taken aback4 ,however1 ,i collected my thoughts as best ,i could1 and1 though the subject is one on which ,i never like to speak without prolonged preparation1 ,i briefly told her my opinions on that great problem1 as you may find them expressed in my published works4 ,possibly ,i spoke with some fervour2 the more likely1 because ,i spoke without preparation4 ,she listened with great attention2 and as for the young girl1 her face was lit up with a look of intelligent eagerness which1 had ,i seen it for one moment in my own class-room1 would have rewarded me for the labour of a long course of lectures4 ,i had still much to say when the train drew up at the platform of ,st ,beeds4 ',i'm sorry not to hear more1' said the lady1 'but this is our destination4' ',and there's ,dad6' cried the girl4 ,a man in working clothes stood at the carriage-door4 ',good-bye1' said the woman1 warmly shaking me by the hand2 'you have been most kind to me4' ',good-bye1' said the daughter2 'you're a dear old dear6' ,and with that she threw her arms round my neck and kissed me fervently three or four times4 ,i was greatly surprised1 but not altogether displeased4 ,they were evidently a most affectionate family4 ,as the train moved off the three stood arm in arm before the carriage-door4 ',got two sweethearts to-night1 sir1' said the man4 ',and without jealousy1' said ,i4 ',i congratulate you on each of them4' ',i hope you'll forgive my daughter1' he said2 'she's an impulsive little baggage4' ',she may repeat the offence the next time we meet1' ,i replied2 and we all laughed4 ,it was a joyful ending to what had been1 in some respects1 a painful experience4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i don't see the point of your story1 ,professor2 and ,i am at a loss to imagine what it has to do with my introduction4 ,this from the ,pessimist4 ,the story has only begun1 said the ,professor1 who was sipping his tea4 ,those kisses at the end were jolly hard lines on a man who dislikes sentiment1 said the ,son of the ,house4 ,i didn't find them so1 answered the ,professor4 ,but remember1 they were only the kisses of a child4 ,the best sort1 growled the ,pessimist4 ,true1 said our ,hostess4 ,the judgments of children are the judgments of ,god4 ,but let the ,professor go on4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it was seven or eight months later1 the ,professor resumed1 when on opening the ,times one morning my attention was caught by an item of news relating to the town at which my two companions had alighted from the train4 ,the news itself was of no importance1 but the name of the town printed at the head of the paragraph strangely arrested me1 and served to recall with singular vividness the incident of my former journey4 ,i found myself repeating1 in order and minute detail1 everything that had happened in the carriage1 some of the particulars of which ,i had forgotten till that moment4 ,the end of it was that ,i became possessed with a strong desire to visit ,st ,beeds1 though ,i had no connections whatever with the place1 and had never stayed there in my life4 ,i knew1 of course1 that it was an interesting old town1 with a famous ,cathedral1 and ,i remember persuading myself at the time1 and indeed telling my wife1 that ,i ought to visit that ,cathedral without further delay4 ,as the day wore on the impulse grew stronger1 and eventually overpowered me4 ,i travelled down to ,st ,beeds that night1 and put up at one of the principal hotels4 ,the next morning was spent in the usual manner of sight-seers in an ancient town4 ,reserving the ,cathedral for the afternoon1 ,i visited the old wall and the dismantled quays1 and wandered among the narrow streets1 reading history1 as my habit is1 from the monuments with which the place abounded4 ,about noon ,i found my way to the spacious market-place1 and began inspecting the beautiful front of the old ,town ,hall4 ,i suddenly became aware of a man on the opposite pavement1 who was watching me with some interest4 ,what drew my attention to him was a large mass of white roses which he was carrying in a basket2 for1 as you know1 ,i have been for many years an enthusiastic rose-grower1 and there is nothing which attracts the mind so rapidly as any circumstance connected with one's hobby4 ,the man was dressed in good clothes2 and it was this that prevented me at first from recognising him as the person who had met my two companions at the station seven months before4 ,seeing that ,i had observed him1 he crossed the street4 ',you remember me8' he said4 ',well1 ,i have been looking for you all over the town4 ,had ,i known your name ,i should have asked at the hotels4' ',but how did you know ,i had arrived8' ,i asked4 ',my wife told me you were here4' ',she must have seen me1 then1' ,i said4 ',yes1 she saw you4 ,she saw you arrive last night at the station4 ,and she saw you later1 standing under an electric lamp1 in front of the ,cathedral4' ,this struck me as odd1 for ,i had purposely waited till near midnight before going to the ,cathedral1 that ,i might see the exterior in the light of the moon2 and ,i had been confident that not a soul was about4 ',how is she8' ,i asked1 for ,i remembered my previous impression that she was an invalid4 ',oh1 much better1' he answered2 'in fact1 quite restored4 ,it's a great comfort4' ',it was very kind of her to send you to look for me1' ,i said4 ',perhaps ,i shall have the pleasure of seeing her later on in the day--and your daughter as well4 ,you remember ,i congratulated you on your two sweethearts8' ',yes1' he answered1 'and you were not far wrong in that4 ,but wouldn't you like to take a turn round the old town first8 ,it's a wonderful place and full of interest4 ,and ,i know it through and through4' ,i was greatly puzzled by his manner4 ,his speech and address were certainly remarkable for a working man2 and ,i confess that for a moment the thought crossed my mind that he was some sort of impostor1 and that ,i should be well advised to have nothing to do with him4 ,i suppose it was his basket of roses that reassured me4 ',well1' ,i said1 ',i've seen a good deal already4 ,but ,i've no objection to seeing it all again4 ,i'll put myself in your hands4' ',splendid6' he cried4 ',it's an ideal day1 and ,i'm hungering for sunlight and beauty1 and thirsting for the peace of ancient memories4 ,and it will please my wife to know that ,i've taken you round4 ,what do you say to going up the river first8 ,there's a glorious reach beyond the bridge4 ,and the sun's in the right position to give you the best view of the ,cathedral4' ',nothing would please me better1' said ,i2 and we set off at once toward the river4 ,on passing a certain building he bade me carefully examine the roof1 the form of which was remarkable4 ,while ,i was engaged in so doing1 unconscious for a moment of his presence1 ,i suddenly seemed to hear him groan behind me2 and turning round ,i saw that he was holding tight to the iron railings on the other side of the foot-walk1 and swaying his body backward and forward1 as though he were in pain4 ',are you ill8' ,i asked1 in some alarm4 ',not at all4 ,this is just my way of resting when ,i'm tired4 ,come along4' ',that's a splendid lot of roses in your basket1' ,i said1 as we took our places in the boat1 he sculling and ,i steering4 ',frau ,carl ,druschki1 unless ,i'm much mistaken4' ',yes4 ,i grew them on my allotment4 ,i'm taking them home to my wife4' ,for some time we talked roses4 ,he had a theory of pruning1 which differed from mine1 and led to a good deal of argument4 ,finally1 he dropped his sculls1 and1 taking a piece of paper from his pocket1 drew on it the diagram of a rose-bush pruned according to his method4 ,we had forgotten the ,cathedral4 ,i took his drawing and began to criticise4 ',oh6' he said1 'let's drop it4 ,we're missing one of the noblest sights in ,england4 ,look at that6' ,and he pointed to the heights4 ,as we dropped down the river half an hour later1 my companion1 who had been silent for some time1 again broke out on the subject of roses4 ',rose-growing is a thing that takes time and patience and thought1' he said4 ',more perhaps than it's worth4 ,if it were not for my wife1 ,i should give it up4 ,she's desperately fond of roses4' ',that's the best of reasons for not giving it up1' ,i answered4 ',i happen to be a great admirer of your wife4' ',that's another link between us1' said he4 ',she's the best wife man ever had4 ,she's worthy of all the admiration you can give her4' ,she's worthy of all the roses you can grow for her1' ,i said4 ',by ,god1 she is6' he answered with an emphasis that startled me4 ,we grew confidential1 and a story followed4 ,he told me that he was the illegitimate son of a baronet2 that his father had made him an allowance to study art in ,london2 that he had married his model1 in opposition to the wishes of his father2 that the baronet had thereupon thrown him over for good and all2 that he had failed to make a living by his original art2 that he had got an engagement with a great furnishing-house as a skilled painter2 that he was earning four pounds a week in doing artistic work in rich men's houses and elsewhere2 that he was now engaged in restoring some fifteenth-century frescoes in a parish church4 ,his wife earned money too1 though he did not tell me how1 and his daughter was being trained as a singer4 ',we're all more or less in art1' he said1 'and we are a very happy family4' ,by this time we were back at the landing-place1 and as the man stepped ashore he said3 ',it's about time ,i took these roses to my wife4 ,we'll just walk along to where ,i live1 and ,i'll show you the rest of the sights afterwards4 ,i'll take you to the ,cathedral when the afternoon service is over4' ,as we walked through the streets the man kept up an incessant stream of talk1 pointing to this and that1 and discoursing with great eagerness on the history and antiquities of the town4 ,it struck me as strange that he never waited for any answer but passed from one thing to another without a pause4 ,presently we stopped in front of a small house1 one of a row of villas4 ',this is where ,i live1' he said1 and stopped on the doorstep4 ',good6' ,i cried2 'and now you will take me in and reintroduce me to your charming wife4' ',i'm sorry1' he answered1 'but the thing's quite impossible4' ,i was so startled by this unexpected answer that1 without thinking1 ,i blurted out the question1 ',why8' ',because1' he said1 'she's in her coffin4 ,she died at four o'clock this morning4' ,at the words he sank down on his doorstep1 put the basket of roses on his knees and bowed himself over them in a passion of tears4 ,the door opened1 and the young girl1 who had been with me in the train1 ran down the steps4 ,sitting down beside her father she put her arms round his neck and said1 ',daddy1 ,daddy1 don't cry6' 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,professor ceased and there was a long pause4 ,did you discover1 said the ,pessimist at length1 why the two were weeping in the train8 ,no need to ask that1 said our ,hostess4 ,the woman had received sentence of death4 ,did you ever follow it up8 said the ,historian4 ,what1 for example1 became of the young girl8 ,she was married to my eldest son last month1 said the ,professor4 ,i knew the ,pessimist's introduction would not be needed1 said our ,host4 ,nevertheless1 it was the introduction that reminded me of the story1 said the ,professor4 ,and now1 he continued1 can anyone here explain to me the strange conduct of the man with the white roses8 ,for ,i confess that ,i can find no place for it in any system of ,psychology known to me4 ,at this question the ,son of the ,house1 who for some reason had become the gravest member of the party1 looked up and seemed about to speak4 ,but as he raised his eyes they met the bright glance of his pretty cousin1 on whose cheek there was a tear4 ,and when the ,son of the ,house saw that1 the impulse to speech died within him4 ,no one else ventured an explanation4 ,but my impression was that there were two persons in the room to whom the strange conduct of the man with the white roses presented no enigma4 ,by the ,same ,author ,,among ,,the ,,idolmakers ,a ,,man ,,of ,,kent in ,the ,british ,weekly4 ,mr ,jacks has written a book which1 for sheer ability1 for rightmindedness1 and for driving force1 will compare favourably with any book of the season4444 ,this is a book which strongly makes for cleanness1 for sanity1 for ,christianity4 ,,mad ,,shepherds3 ,and ,other ,human ,studies ,with a ,frontispiece ,drawing by ,,mr ,,leslie ,,brooke ,a series of highly original studies of some human types portrayed with a wealth of irony and humour4 ,the character ,snarley ,bob1 the old shepherd1 is destined to take its place among the unforgettable figures of literature4--,outlook4 ,,the ,,alchemy ,,of ,,thought ,professor ,j4 ,h4 ,,muirhead in ,the ,christian ,commonwealth says3 ,it is a significant book 444 eloquent1 imaginative1 humorous4 ,philosophy here forsakes its usual 'grey in grey4' ,from ,the ,westminster ,review3 ,the book is one which no philosophical student of to-day can safely do without4