,,*ri/ian ,,life ,,s]ies       ,ri*es ( 
,grace    ,a ,compilation ( ,exp]i5ces 9
 ! ,*ri/ian ,life--,a ,n>ration   (     
,trials & ,victories ,along ! ,way      
,,by ,e4 ,e4 ,,byrum         99       99
       99       99       99      ,by    
grace are ye sav$ ?r\gh fai?4--,eph     
#b3h4       ,let u !re=e come boldly    
unto ! ?rone ( grace1 t we may     obta9
 m]cy1 & f9d grace to help 9 "t (       
ne$4--,heb4 #d3af4         99       99  
99       99       99    ,,gospel        
,,trumpet ,,company   ,&]son1 ,indiana1 
,u4 ,s4 ,a4     ,copyright1 #aiah   ,,by
   ,e4 ,e4 ,byrum     ,ri*es ( ,grace   
7,clo?7 #a4jj    ,,o!r ,,books ,,by ,,! 
,,same ,,au?or    ,/>tl+ ,incid5ts &    
,exp]i5ces 9 ! ,*ri/ian ,life  7,clo?7  
#a4jj   ,! ,ord9ances ( ! ,bible        
7,clo?7   4#dj   ,h[ ,we ,got ,our      
,bible                                  
7,pap]7   4#aj   ,:at ,%all ,i ,d ,to   
,be ,sav$8                              
7,clo?7   4#ce   ,! ,secret (           
,salvation3 ,h[ to ,get ,x & ,h[ to     

,keep ,x  7,clo?7   4#fj     ,,cont5ts  
,page     #a4 ,! ,joy & ,bless+s ( a    
,*ri/ian ,life                   #ac    
#b4 ,exp]i5ce ( a ,m9i/]                
#ba    #c4 ,! ,te/imony ( a ,prison]    
#ee    #d4 ,a ,little ,*9ese ,girl      
#ei    #e4 ,p]secutions & ,victories (  
an ,evangeli/                 #fi    #f4
 ,! ,secret ( a ,p]fect ,life           
#hi    #g4 ,conv]sion ( a ,"y ,jewi%    
,rabbi                          #ii     
#h4 ,among ,mohamm$ans 9 ,egypt         
#abi    #i4 ,a ,daught]'s ,fai? ,rew>d$ 
#ada   #aj4 ,mission>y ,exp]i5ces 9     
,briti% ,we/ ,indies              #ade  
#aa4 ,! ,rescue ( an ,au/ralian ,lad    
#aee   #ab4 ,hea!n ,cu/oms 9 ,*9a       
#aei   #ac4 ,deliv]ance f ,disc\ragem5ts
 & ,extremism             #afg   #ad4   
,lib]at$ f ,faultf9d+                   
#aii   #ae4 ,help f ,god 9 ,fi]y ,trials
                              #bje      
#af4 ,exp]i5ce ( a ,s*ool-,tea*] 9      
,india                    #bce   #ag4   
,unconqu]$ ,w ,won by ,love             

#bcg   #ah4 ,an ,exp]i5ce ( a ,hundr$   
,ye>s ,ago                       #bde   
#ai4 ,an ,indian ,"m's ,submission      
#bec   #bj4 ,! ,conv]sion ( ,my ,fa!r   
#beg   #ba4 ,my ,spiritual ,/ruggles &  
,victories                       #bga   
#bb4 ,?\ght ,he _h ,s9n$ away ,8 ,day ( 
,grace                #bhc   #bc4       
,spiritual ,te/s                        
#bic   #bd4 ,! ,confession ( a ,murd]]  
#cja   #be4 ,mak+ a ,complete ,surr5d]  
#cjg   #bf4 ,int]e/+ ,n>ratives &       
,helpful ,in/ruction             #cac   
a4 ,fail$ to ,=give ,^? ,:o ,wrong$ ,him
               #cae       b4 ,despond5cy
 & ,disc\ragem5t                        
#caf       c4 ,unnecess>y               
,self-,accusations                      
#cah       d4 ,tr\bl$ ab\t ,mak+        
,confessions                     #cai   
e4 ,accus$ ,god ( ,n ,be+ ,j            
#cbc       f4 ,:5 ! ,tempt] ,comes      
,(t5e/                       #cbd       
g4 ,trials ,made ,/epp+-,/ones to       
,great] ,victories      #cbe   #bg4     

,zion's ,bank 7,a ,poem7                
#cca     ,au?or's ,preface   ,to be "r )
 ,god & to h a con/ant k ( 8 approval is
 ! desire ( e ,*ri/ian4 ,_m p deep 9 s9 
& o!rs hone/ at he>t h a long+ to live a
 righte\s life1 b !y h always f\nd      
ob/acles 9 _! pa?way & h be5 defeat$ 9 e
 attempt4  ,9 ! prep>ation ( ?is volume 
! au?or has aim$ to ref] to su* ob/acles
 & h9drances 9 ! lives ( o!rs1 s t any  
"o pass+ ?r\gh a trial or labor+ "u a   
heavy burd5 or oppression may1 by read+ 
^! n>ratives1 le>n h[ to f9d relief4  ,a
 lady :o 0 victor ov] _m trials &       
impositions ( ! enemy1 & :o knew t ,i _h
 be5 pass+ ?r\gh "s sev]e ordeals1 said 
to me3 ,x does me good1 & is a s\rce (  
great enc\ragem5t1 ev5 to "k t y & o!rs 
:o are suppos$ to be /rong 9 fai? h     
trials & sev]e te/+s occasionally4 ,x is
 hop$ t ! trials & ! victories m5tion$  
h]e9 w be n only a s\rce ( enc\ragem5t  
to o!rs b su* an inspiration to _! fai? 
t !y w be enabl$ to und]/& & d ! w (    
,god4  ,?is book is a compilation (     

exp]i5ces f p 9 v>i\s p>ts ( ! _w :o h  
writt5 by special reque/ ( ! au?or4 ,!  
fact t !y 7 writt5 by p 9 ,*9a1 ,india1 
,au/ralia1 ,egypt1 ,we/ ,indies1 & o!r  
c\ntries1 is evid5ce t al?\gh !         
environm5t & circum/ances may diff]1 yet
 ,god is ev]y:]e ! same to fulfil !     
promises giv5 9 8 ,^w1 9 all c\ntries & 
among ! p ( e nation4 ,al?\gh ! names & 
addresses are n giv51 ! exp]i5ces are   
g5u9e1 & ! au?or w take pleasure 9      
furni%+ in=mation conc]n+ any ( !m4  ,! 
,exp]i5ce ( a ,hundr$ ,ye>s ,ago1 giv5  
on page #bde 0 tak5 f an old book t 9 my
 e>ly *ildhood days ,i (t5 saw my "m    
read4 ,! book 0 old & worn long be=e ,i 
0 born1 & ,i h only a few pages z a     
relic ( e>ly remembrances4 ,x 0 entitl$ 
,! ,ri*es ( ,grace4  ,no d\bt ! title ( 
?is old book1 toge!r ) a k ( ! com=t &  
consolation t my "m receiv$ f read+ ! _m
 ,*ri/ian exp]i5ces x conta9$1          
contribut$ to my inspiration 9 pres5t+  
^! pages = ! b5efit ( o!rs4  ,i h]eby   
ackn[l$ge my indebt$ness & he>tfelt     

?anks to ^? :o h s k9dly contribut$ to  
?is compilation ( exp]i5ces1 & ,i tru/ t
 e burd5$ s\l t reads ^! exp]i5ces may  
take c\rage & may h5ce=? ab\nd 9 ! ri*es
 ( ! grace ( ,god4  ,y\rs = a victori\s 
life1    ,e4 ,e4 ,,byrum4    ,&]son1    
,indiana1 ,janu>y #af1 #aiah4           
,,ri*es ,,( ,,grace     ,! ,joy &       
,bless+s ( a ,*ri/ian ,life  ,,exp]i5ce 
,,numb] #a   ,! pa?way ( life has its   
%ad[s & sun%9e1 its pleasures & sorr[s2 
& 9 ! ,*ri/ian life1 ,i am conv9c$1 _m p
 live 9 ! %ad[ m ?an 9 ! sun%9e1 :5 !y  
c\ld v well h x o!rwise4  ,:5 ,i 0 ab\t 
?irte5 ye>s ( age1 ,i yield$ myself to !
 ,"l & made a decision to sp5d my life 9
 8 s]vice4 ,s9ce t "t1 l ,*ri/ian 9     
,bunyan's ,pilgrim's ,progress1 ,i h met
 ) _m & v>i$ exp]i5ces2 b "o beautiful  
enc\rag+ ?\ght has be5 t1 no matt] h[   
h>d my trials1 h[ ne> my /r5g? 0 gone1  
nor h[ little my c\rage lack$ ( fail+1 j
 at t "t1 :5 ,i 0 ! mo/ helpless1 ,god 0
 always pres5t to help ei!r by 8 ,_s or 
by s5d+ "o ( 8 s]vants to enc\rage &    

/r5g!n me4  ,i h1 inde$1 f\nd ! ,*ri/ian
 life to be a w>f>e4 ,e individual :o   
enli/s 9 ! s]vice ( ! ,"l w h ! =ces (  
evil to battle aga9/1 b ,god has made   
provision :]eby e *ild ( ,god c be an   
ov]com] 9 e conflict4 ,! "o :o has a    
firm decision to be true at any co/ w   
receive su* p[] & help t ,satan c n     
prev5t him f s]v+ ! ,"l4 ,! enemy may   
try to h9d] by caus+ trials1            
difficulties1 & p]plexities1 & at times 
! way may seem d>k1 ) no app>5t hope (  
day2 b our ,god1 :o is mighty1 w turn   
all ^! seem+ h9drances into real bless+s
 & make !m /epp+-/ones to glory4  ,9 my 
y\?ful days ,i felt a deep desire to "w 
= ,god & long$ to fill "s place 9 life  
:]e ,i c\ld feel t ,i n only 0 liv+ a   
life ( salvation1 b 0 really engag$ 9 my
 ,ma/]'s s]vice4 ,z ,i knelt 9 e>ne/    
pray] & consecrat$ myself fully to ! ,"l
 = him to direct me z seem$ be/1 a d>k  
sorr[ fill$ my he>t2 = ,satan :isp]$3 ,y
 are too "y4 ,y c n /& aga9/ ! p[]s (   
evil t all "y p mu/ meet4 ,y\r cov5ant )

 ! ,"l is too great = y to keep4 ,b )   
te>s ,i cri$ unto ! ,"l to "k if ^!     
sugge/ions 7 true4 ,at t mom5t ! ,"l    
gave me ! assurance t if ,i decid$ to   
s]ve him he w\ld tea* me h[ to d s4 ,he 
w\ld give me grace 9 e "t ( ne$4  ,"s "t
 aft] ?is ,i became v ill & knew unless 
,god came to my aid ,i %\ld soon h to   
leave ?is _w4 ,z ,i ?\ght ( my          
condition1 a joy fill$ my s\l t ,i might
 soon be ) ! ,"l4 ,) ?is joy came also a
 sadness1 z ,i realiz$ t ,i _h done no?+
 9 ! v9ey>d ( ! ,"l4 ,x seem$ t ,i c\ld 
n be> to g empty-h&$4 ,i pray$ ,god to  
sp>e my life t ,i might "w = him4 ,he   
graci\sly & in/antly t\*$ my body ) 8   
heal+ p[]1 & 9 a few days ,i 0 able to  
att5d s*ool4  ,once ,i 0 ab\t to make a 
decision & take a /ep t w\ld h h9d]$ me 
f fill+ ! place ! ,"l design$ ,i %\ld   
fill4 ,at t mom5t ! ,"l made kn[n to me 
by 8 ,holy ,_s 9 su* a way t ,i c\ld n  
"q 8 lead+s t he _h call$ me to 8       
s]vice1 & also made kn[n to me ! place t
 ,i 0 *os5 to fill4 ,imm$iately ,i 0    

rem9d$ ( my cov5ant ) ! ,"l1 al?\gh ,i  
_h to /& aga9/ ! plead+s & e>ne/        
entreaties ( "s ( my v de> fri5ds4      
,be=e ?is ,i _h decid$ n to leave my "m1
 b to "w ne> my home s t ,i c\ld readily
 respond 9 case ( sickness4 ,aft]       
consid]able m$itation ab\t ! matt] (    
leav+ my fa!r & "m1 bro!rs & si/]s1 9   
ord] to take up my "w = ! ,"l1 ! matt]  
became v s]i\s4 ,f9ally ,i w5t to ! ,"l 
"o morn+ 9 e>ne/ pray]4 ,i %all nev]    
=get t season ( pray]1 :5 ,i seem$ to be
 9 ! direct pres5ce ( ! ,"l4 ,my        
consecration 0 put to a te/ z "o "q aft]
 ano!r 0 pres5t$1 z to :e!r or n ,i %\ld
 be will+ to die1 to really give my     
life1 if ,god s design$1 t my unsav$    
lov$ ones might be sav$1 or to d ! same 
= lo/ s\ls :o 7 n de> to me accord+ to !
 ties ( nature4 ,& aga91 %\ld ,i be     
will+ to give my life = lo/ s9n]s & h !m
 sc(f & spurn me8 ,^! 7 h>d que/ions1 b 
my he>t said3 ,"l1 ?y w be done4 ,:]e ?\
 leade/ ,i w foll[4 ,i 0 solemnly       
impress$ ) ! ?\ght3 ,jesus came to save 

a lo/ _w1 b !y crucifi$ him2 in/ead (   
accept+ 8 love1 !y reject$ x4  ,)9 a    
%ort "t ,i _h ! matt] settl$ beyond a   
d\bt t ! "t _h come = me to ent] ^u !   
mission :]eunto ! ,"l _h call$ me4 ,!   
way began to op5 be=e me1 & z ,i bid    
lov$ ones f>ewell1 a sweet assurance    
fill$ my s\l t my decision & action 0 9 
accordance ) ,8 w4 ,x gave me mu* sorr[ 
to leave home1 b ,god s bless$ & direct$
 me t ,i h nev] be5 sorry t ,i obey$ 8  
voice4 ,ov] & ov] ,i h prov$ t ,god's   
way is be/4 ,8 way may cause pa9 & sorr[
 at times1 :i* we may n be able to      
und]/&1 b 9 ! end we c "k ( a tru? t    
,god has caus$ all ?+s to "w toge!r =   
our good & = 8 glory4  ,at "o "t ,i 0 v 
mu* te/$1 & disc\ragem5ts pres5t$       
!mselves4 ,i 0 try+ h>d to be an ov]com]
 & to ca/ e burd5 ^u ! ,"l4 ,! enemy    
w\ld sugge/ t x 0 ( no use = me to try  
to /& aga9/ ! ?+s t 7 oppress+ me & t x 
w\ld be bett] to surr5d]1 & ev5 give    
place to disc\ragem5ts1 & t ev5 ?\gh ,i 
%\ld come out a conqu]or lat]1 no "o    

w\ld ev] "k any?+ ab\t x4 ,at fir/ ?is  
sugge/ion seem$ plausible1 b ^u fur!r   
consid]ation ,i said3 ,no1 ,i w n       
surr5d]4 ,if no "o else ev] kn[s1 ,i w  
"k1 ,god w "k1 & ! devil w "k1 t ,i /ood
 true & came out victori\s4 ,?is        
exp]i5ce has s9ce t "t (t5 be5 a real   
enc\ragem5t to me4  ,at ano!r "t ,i _h =
 weeks be5 pass+ ?r\gh real te/+ times4 
,occasionally ! trials w\ld lift & ,god 
w\ld bless my s\l1 b aga9 ! d>kness (   
depressions w\ld settle ov] me4 ,i began
 to we>y & to long = deliv]ance4 ,!     
sugge/ion came t x w\ld be bett] = me to
 cease s]v+ ,god & nev] to try aga94    
,ov] & ov] some?+ :isp]$ t !re 0 no use 
to cont9ue2 t if o!rs :o 7 old] & bett] 
qualifi$ fell by ! wayside & c\ld n /&1 
!re 0 positively no use 9 my try+4      
,f9ally ! enemy insi/$ t !re 0 no?+ else
 = me to d ?an to give up1 & t1 aft]    
all1 ,i 0 9 a deplorable spiritual      
condition2 t !re 0 no hope = me4 ,at ?is
 po9t ,i disc]n$ t x 0 ! enemy1 &1      
kneel+ be=e ,god1 ,i promis$ him t if he

 c\ld get m glory out ( my life by my   
be+ 9 su* a trial all ! re/ ( my days1  
,i 0 will+ to submit to ! trial4 ,:5 ,i 
came to ?is decision my trial vani%$    
sudd5ly1 & ,god p\r$ ! glory into my s\l
 & ! victory 0 f> sweet] ?an ! trial _h 
be5 bitt]4  ,sometimes ,i h _h trials 9 
:i* ,i c\ld see no good nor f :i* ,i    
c\ld n p]ceive h[ any good c\ld possibly
 result2 b lat] ,i w\ld be enabl$ to "k 
t ^? v trials 7 wor? m to me ?an any    
treasure ?is e>? c\ld af=d4  ,z ,i look 
^u my pa/ life & see h[ m]cifully ,god  
has dealt ) me1 h[ he has guid$ &       
protect$1 & h[ he has %ield$ me f ! p[] 
( ! tempt]1 my he>t cries out1 ,:at a   
mighty ,god6 ,:at a great & lov+ ,fa!r6 
,c\nt+ my bless+s1 ,i f9d !y s f>       
outnumb] my trials t x br+s me real     
c\rage to press on1 kn[+1 z ,i d1 t     
grace w be giv5 me to meet :atev] may   
yet lie 9 my pa?way4 ,= !re ha? no      
temptation tak5 y b su* z is common to  
man3 b ,god is fai?ful1 :o w n suff] y  
to be tempt$ above t ye are able2 b w ) 

! temptation also make a way to escape1 
t ye may be able to be> x 7#a ,cor4     
#aj3ac74     ,exp]i5ces ( a ,m9i/]      
,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #b   ,a c>eworn woman
 once ask$ a philosoph] h[ %e might     
obta9 relief f & victory ov] ! trials & 
sorr[s ( life4 ,he said to h]1 ,fet* me 
a cup ( salt f "s home :]e sorr[ & c>e  
has nev] ent]$1 & ,i w !n tell y !      
secret ( victory4 ,aft] a long & we>y   
j\rney1 %e return$ to him say+ t %e _h  
giv5 up ! se>* 9 despair2 = 9 all h]    
travels %e f\nd no home entirely free f 
c>e & sorr[4 ,l ?is poor woman1 ,i once 
long$ & s\ght = "s /ate or condition 9  
life :]e ,i might be free f ! c>es &    
p]plexities t di/ress$ me1 b my se>* too
 seem$ fruitless4 ,at la/1 aft] _m      
disappo9tm5ts1 ,i f\nd ! m excell5t way 
( victory ov] my trials ?r\gh simple1   
tru/+ fai? 9 ,him :o notes ev5 ! sp>r['s
 fall4  ,be=e ,i fully le>n$ ?is lesson1
 !re 7 times 9 my life :5 x seem$ ,i 0  
on ! v]ge ( despair1 s sev]e 7 my       
trials4 ,z ,i n[ look back to ^? sc5es &

 exp]i5ces1 !re come to my m9d ! pa!tic 
l9es ( ,longfell['s poem ,! ,bridge4    
,= my he>t 0 hot & re/less1     ,& my   
life 0 full ( c>e1   ,& ! burd5 laid ^u 
me     ,seem$ great] ?an ,i c\ld be>4   
,b n[ x has fall5 f me1     ,x is buri$ 
9 ! sea2   ,& only ! sorr[ ( o!rs       
,?r[s its %ad[ ov] me4    ,& ,i ?9k h[  
_m ?\s&s     ,( c>e-encumb]$ m51   ,ea* 
be>+ 8 burd5 ( sorr[1     ,h cross$ !   
bridge s9ce !n4   ,= ! sake ( ! _m ?\s&s
 :o are /ill try+ to be> _! own burd5s1 
,i s5d =? ! foll[+ acc\nt ( "s ( my     
life's exp]i5ces4 ,i tru/ ! ,"l may use 
x to help "s on _! way to ! feet ( ,him 
:o said1 ,come unto me1 all ye t labor &
 are heavy-lad51 & ,i w give y re/      
7,matt4 #aa3bh74  ,!re are d\btless     
?\s&s ^: s9s h be5 =giv51 b :o h n yet  
le>n$ by actual exp]i5ce ! preci\s      
privilege express$ 9 ^! words3 ,ca/+ all
 y\r c>e ^u him1 = he c>e? = y 7#a ,pet4
 #e3g74 ,an old lady 0 once trudg+ along
 a hot & du/y highway c>ry+ a heavy     
basket4 ,%e 0 soon ov]tak5 by a k9d man1

 :o invit$ h] to take a seat 9 ! re> ( 8
 c>riage4 ,aft] "s "t _h pass$1 he look$
 back to see h[ 8 pass5g] 0 gett+ along1
 :5 he 0 a/oni%$ to see h] hold+ t heavy
 basket on h] lap4 ,gr&ma1 said he1 !re 
is pl5ty ( room2 :y d y n set y\r basket
 d[n8 ,oh1 %e repli$1 y are s k9d to    
take me 9 t ,i ?\ght ,i w\ld make ! load
 z light z possible = y\r horses1 s ,i  
conclud$ to c>ry ! basket myself4 ,we   
may smile at h] reply1 yet _m :o h tru/$
 ! ,"l to =give _! s9s1 are nev]!less   
try+ /ill to c>ry _! own burd5s4   ,,my 
,,conv]sion  ,9 e>ly *ildhood ,i 0      
taught to pray & to rev]5ce ,god's ,^w4 
,i 0 deeply impress$ ) ! tru?s t ,i     
le>n$ at ,sunday-s*ool4 ,ev5 z a *ild ,i
 lov$ ! prea*+-s]vice1 & ! ,^w ( ,god   
made a /rong & la/+ impression ^u my    
m9d4  ,:5 ,i 0 ab\t t5 ye>s old1 a      
revival 0 held 9 my home community4 ,at 
an aft]noon s]vice1 held especially = ! 
*ildr51 ,i respond$ to ! alt>-call1 &   
!re ,i 0 completely brok5 up1 ! te>s    
runn+ 9 pr(usion d[n my face4 ,my de> "m

 knelt by my side3 ,my boy1 %e said1 if 
y %\ld desire any?+ good t ,i c\ld be/[ 
^u y1 w\ld y ask me = x8 ,i promptly    
repli$ 9 ! affirmative4 ,!n1 %e cont9u$1
 w\ld y believe t y\r reque/ w\ld be    
grant$8 ,aga9 ,i answ]$ 9 ! affirmative4
 ,t is ! way to receive ,god's bless+s1 
%e said4 ,n[1 :5 y ask ! ,"l to =give   
y\r s9s1 believe t he he>s & answ]s y\r 
pray]4 ,9 simple1 *ild-l fai? ,i believ$
 ! promise1 & ! peace ( ,god g5tly      
flood$ my s\l4 ,"o ( ! mo/ prom95t      
features ( my *ildhood exp]i5ce 0 !     
peculi> love ,i felt = e "o4 ,i long$ to
 see my companions sav$4   ,,e>ly       
,,trials  ,soon aft] my conv]sion & be=e
 t special s]ies ( meet+s clos$1 ,i he>d
 ! pa/or relate ! exp]i5ce ( a c]ta9 boy
 :o _h s\ght & f\nd ! ,"l4 ,he said t   
aft] a p]iod ( e>ne/ seek+1 all !       
d>kness 0 in/antly dispell$ & ! boy 0   
wond]fully sav$4 ,judg+ f ?is vivid     
description1 ,i decid$ t ! boy mu/ h    
witness$ "s sudd5 manife/ation ( light4 
,imm$iately ,i began to d\bt my         

exp]i5ce4 ,i 0 /ill m di/urb$ :5 ,i saw 
old] p]sons /ruggl+ night aft] night at 
! alt> & !n f9ally exp]i5c+ "s p[]ful   
emotions :i* seem$ to be f> m wond]ful  
?an any?+ t ,i _h exp]i5c$4 ,sometimes  
,i wi%$ t ,i too might g to ! alt> aga9 
& pray & /ruggle until "s wond]ful      
demon/ration %\ld be giv5 to me2 b ,i 0 
naturally backw>d & timid1 & c\ld       
sc>cely make up my m9d to g ?r\gh su* an
 ordeal ( /ruggl+ z ,i _h witness$ 9 "s 
( m mature ye>s4   ,,enc\ragem5ts       
,al?\gh at times ,i 0 greatly di/ress$1 
yet (t5 :5 ,i 0 9 secret pray]1 my he>t 
0 greatly com=t$ & ,i exp]i5c$ seasons (
 quiet1 peaceful bless+s4 ,i notic$1    
too1 t "s :o _h wond]ful outw>d         
demon/rations at ! "t !y 7 conv]t$1 did 
n hold out v long1 b soon drift$ back   
into s91 :ile 9 my own he>t ! desire    
/ill rema9$ to be true to ! ,"l4        
,,conflicts  ,i did n1 h[ev]1 enjoy     
con/ant victory4 ,at times ,i gave way  
to ill-temp] or selfi% motives4 ,my     
consci5ce be+ t5d]1 ,i (t5 felt in/ant  

condemnation aft] yield+ to ^! ?+s1 & !n
 ,i w\ld p\r out my he>t 9 secret pray] 
= =giv5ess & = grace & /r5g? to resi/ ! 
temptation m successfully ! next "t4 ,i 
rememb]1 also1 occasions :51 ^u !       
approa* ( temptation1 ,i w\ld /eal away 
to ! secret place ( pray] & ask = /r5g? 
to keep me sweet 9 my s\l4 ,i c\ld !n g 
=? to meet my trials ) ! utmo/ calmness 
& s]5ity1 & victory !n seem$ easy4      
,al?\gh ,i _h a ,*ri/ian home1 yet      
sorr[s & trials came into my "y life1 v 
pa9ful ones at times4 ,h[ (t5 ,i w\ld   
seek ! place ( pray] & !re 9 simple1    
*ild-l fai? unburd5 my he>t to ! ,"l4   
,:5ev] ,i call$ ^u him1 he always gave  
me relief & nev] fail$ to provide a way 
( escape f e temptation & difficulty4   
,9 seasons ( di/ress & grief1   ,my s\l 
has (t5 f\nd relief1   ,& (t escap$ !   
tempt]'s sn>e1   ,by ?y return1 sweet   
h\r ( pray]4   ,,heal+  ,al?\gh ,i _h   
nev] receiv$ any def9ite tea*+ on !     
subject ( div9e heal+1 yet almo/        
intuitively1 x seems1 ,i w\ld call ^u ! 

,"l = help :5 afflict$1 & w\ld receive !
 ne$$ help4 ,sev]al times my "m seem$ to
 be at ! po9t ( dea?4 ,) tr\bl$ he>t1 ,i
 s\ght ! place ( pray] to tell ! ,"l all
 ab\t x4 ,my he>t 0 com=t$1 my pray]s 7 
answ]$1 & ,"m 0 sp>$4   ,,call ,,to ,,! 
,,m9i/ry  ,ev5 9 *ildhood ,i le>n$ to   
pray & to te/ify 9 public4 ,at fir/ ^!  
?+s 7 v h>d = me1 ow+ to my timid       
disposition4 ,h[ev]1 ,i 0 always bless$ 
9 ! ef=t4 ,! impression came to me e>ly 
9 life t "s day ,i %\ld prea* ! gospel2 
9 fact1 ,i w\ld occasionally f9d myself 
m5tally address+ an imag9>y audi5ce4 ,_m
 ( my acqua9tances also 7 impress$ t !  
m9i/ry w\ld be my life-"w4   ,,drift+   
,z "t w5t on1 =mality aga9 f\nd its way 
into our meet+s1 & ,i also imbib$ its   
_s4 ,my consci5ce 0 no long] z t5d] z x 
_h be51 & ,i actually indulg$ 9 ?+s t 7 
s9ful4 ,/ill ,i kept up my pr(ession1   
att5d$ ! s]vices1 te/ifi$ & pray$ 9     
public1 & 0 g5]ally c\nt$ a good        
,*ri/ian4   ,,conviction  ,at la/ a     
humble man ( ,god became our pa/or4 ,)\t

 fe>1 & yet 9 g5tl5ess & meekness1 he   
prea*$ ! ,^w ( ,god z f> z he _h light4 
,z ,i sat "u 8 prea*+1 ! tru? w5t       
/raight to my he>t1 & ,i began to see my
 lack4 ,! revival meet+ _h n[ begun1 &  
,i saw t ,i mu/ ei!r s]ve ,god 9 e>ne/1 
obey+ him 9 all ?+s1 or quit pr(ess+4   
,,reclaim$  ,"o night aft] s]vices1 :ile
 on ! way to my room1 ,i resolv$ to get 
:]e ! ,"l w\ld h me to be ev5 if ,i %\ld
 h to pray all night4 ,i began2 b ! m ,i
 pray$ ! worse ,i felt4 ,i 0 %[n "o ?+  
aft] ano!r t ,i %\ld h to give up or    
make "r if ,i w\ld enjoy ,god's favor4  
,ab\t ! midnight h\r1 ,i _h said ! la/  
yes to ,god1 & !n came ! te/ ( fai?4 ,t 
v ev5+ ,i _h he>d ! m9i/] in/ruct+      
seek]s to give up all s91 to ask ,god's 
=giv5ess1 & !n to believe 8 promise t he
 =gives & saves1 :e!r any *ange 0 notic$
 9 ! feel+s or n2 & al?\gh ,i _h always 
long$ = ! great emotions ,i ?\ght o!rs  
_h exp]i5c$1 yet 9 ! abs5ce ( any       
p>ticul> feel+1 ,i 0 will+ to believe   
,god's promise4  ,:5 ,i fir/ began to   

pray1 ,i 0 consci\s ( a great deal (    
fe>1 :i* deep5$ until x seem$ ,i 0 almo/
 9 despair2 b z ,i yield$ my w to ,god's
 w1 all fe>s subsid$1 & j be=e ,i grasp$
 ! promise1 ,i 0 void ( any p>ticul>    
emotion4 ,x seem$ to please ! ,"l to    
take ?is plan to tea* me t1 aft] all1   
salvation does n come by feel+4 ,!n     
calmly & quietly ,i laid hold ^u !      
promise1 ,if we confess our s9s1 he is  
fai?ful & j to =give u our s9s1 & to    
cleanse u f all unrighte\sness 7#a ,john
 #a3i74 ,i said to ! ,"l1 ,n[ ,i am     
will+ to =sake all s9 & d all ?\ w\ld/ h
 me to d2 & al?\gh ,i d n feel any great
 *ange1 yet ,i believe t1 accord+ to ?y 
,^w1 ?\ do/ save me n[4 ,quietly b      
e>ne/ly ,i said f ! dep?s ( my he>t1    
,jesus saves me n[4 ,9 a %ort "t ! peace
 ( ,god g5tly flood$ my s\l1 & ,i knew t
 my s9s 7 =giv54  ,aft] sp5d+ "s "t 9   
peaceful communion ) ,god1 ,i w5t to    
sleep1 kn[+ beyond a d\bt t if ,i %\ld  
nev] awak51 my _s w\ld imm$iately take  
its flight to ! realms ( ! ble/4 ,9 my  

gratitude1 ! te>s /ream$ d[n my face1 & 
,i wond]$ h[ ,i _h ev] be5 cont5t to    
live at su* a di/ance f ,god z ,i _h    
liv$ dur+ ! pa/ few ye>s4   ,,conflict  
,,) ,,d\bts  ,:5 ,i awoke ! next morn+1 
! peace ( ,god 0 /ill 9 my s\l2 b ,satan
 fa9tly :isp]$1 ,p]haps1 aft] all1 y 7  
mi/ak5 la/ night2 y may n h a g5u9e     
exp]i5ce ( salvation4 ,he sugge/$ also1 
,y d n feel q s joyful z y did4 ,9 spite
 ( all ?is1 ,i knew t a great *ange _h  
tak5 place 9 me4 ,"s :om ,i _h previ\sly
 hat$1 ,i n[ mo/ t5d]ly lov$4 ,life _h a
 new *>m = me1 & ,i rem>k$ to my "m t x 
seem$ t ,i _h j begun to live4 ,s 9     
spite ( all ! d\bts sugge/$ by ! evil   
"o1 ,i te/ifi$ publicly h[ ,god _h mo/  
wond]fully bless$ me4 ,:ile te/ify+1 ,i 
0 bless$ aga94   ,,feel+s  ,i n[ turn$  
my att5tion t[>d my feel+s & decid$ t ! 
normal exp]i5ce ( ! ,*ri/ian 0 to be    
happy & joyful con/antly4 ,my joy soon  
settl$ d[n into a deep1 calm peace4     
,soon ! enemy began to sugge/1 ,:]e is  
y\r joy8 ,y mu/ be los+ out4 ,at ^!     

times ,i tri$ to /ir my emotions aga9 by
 m$itation & e>ne/ pray]4 ,h[ev]1 ,i 0 n
 always successful2 & (t5 great di/ress 
settl$ ov] my _s4 ,sometimes ,i w\ld    
almo/ decide t ,i mu/ be unsav$1 al?\gh 
,i also _h victory ov] ! s9s t =m]ly    
held me 9 bondage1 & my supreme desire 0
 to d ,god's w 9 all ?+s4 ,yet my feel+s
 7 s v>iable t p]haps "o day ,i w\ld    
feel glad & joyful & w\ld conclude t ,i 
0 truly sav$4 ,at su* times ,i w\ld     
decide nev] to d\bt my exp]i5ce aga92 !n
 probably ! next day1 if n ! v same day1
 my feel+s w\ld *ange1 & ! old d\bts    
w\ld come back aga94   ,,sev]e          
,,temptations  ,i 0 also surpriz$ 9     
ano!r respect4 ,! old temptations t _h  
seem+ly left me nev] to return1 z ,i _h 
hop$1 came back ) r5ew$ =ce4 ,by e>ne/  
pray]1 h[ev]1 ,i obta9$ complete        
deliv]ance4 ,?is taught me ! necessity (
 wat*+ & pray+4   ,,re/itution  ,aft] "s
 "t ,i receiv$ light on ! subject (     
re/itution4 ,al?\gh ,i _h nev] committ$ 
any grave or s]i\s wrongs aga9/ any "o1 

yet ,i ne$ to confess "s ?+s & to make  
prop] re/itution to c]ta9 individuals4  
,?is 0 v humbl+ to me1 z ,i 0 g5]ally   
consid]$ a good boy & a model "y man 9 !
 community :]e ,i 0 born & re>$ & :]e ,i
 /ill resid$ at ! "t ( my re/oration to 
! favor ( ,god4 ,9 fact1 _m seem$ to    
believe t ,i 0 a pretty good ,*ri/ian at
 ! v "t ,i 0 9 my backslidd5 condition4 
,x1 !re=e1 took a great deal ( grace to 
humble myself suffici5tly to make ^!    
wrongs "r4 ,h[ev]1 ,i 0 always bless$ 9 
mak+ ! requir$ re/itution4   ,,go+ ,,to 
,,extremes  ,at fir/ ,satan tri$ to keep
 me f mak+ any re/itution4 ,!n1 aft] ,i 
_h />t$1 & he saw he c\ld n prev5t me1  
he pu%$ me to ! o!r extreme4 ,"o little 
neglect or =getfulness aft] ano!r came  
to m9d until x seem$ to me !re w\ld be  
no end ( mak+ rep>ation4 ,^! little     
%ortcom+s 7 s trivial 9 _! nature t1 z  
,i n[ review !m1 ,i am conv9c$ t !y 7   
ei!r no wrongs at all or else m]ely     
mi/akes result+ f a lack ( wisdom or k1 
& t !y _h be5 readily ov]look$ at ! "t  

or soon =gott5 by all p>ties conc]n$    
until my own m9d began to se>* = !m4  ,!
 foll[+ w suffice z a fair sample3 ,i _h
 by ov]sight =gott5 to return a borr[$  
lead p5cil1 :i* _h be5 ab\t ?ree-f\r?s  
us$ up4 ,mon?s aft]w>ds ,i happ5$ to ?9k
 ( x1 & ,i became s worri$ & accus$ t ,i
 f9ally attempt$ re/itution1 z ,i _h    
already done 9 p]haps doz5s ( o!r j su* 
trivial in/ances4  ,i 0 also driv5 to ! 
consid]ation ( my pa/ conduct 9 ! light 
( my pres5t exp]i5ce4 ,i !n made        
apologies "o aft] ano!r = my pa/        
failures4 ,9 "s in/ances ?is 0 p]fectly 
prop]2 b aga9 ,i 0 driv5 to su* extremes
 t ,i sc>cely _h any peace4 ,! natural  
result 0 t ,i wat*$ e ^w & act s        
c>efully t (t5 ,i 0 afraid to smile1 =  
fe> ,i might laugh at ! wrong "t4 ,i 0 s
 busy wat*+ myself t ,i did n get mu*   
enjoym5t out ( my religi\s exp]i5ce4    
,inde$1 ! /&>d ,i set = myself 0 s rigid
 t ,i spe$ily came into bondage4 ,i 0   
unhappy myself & made o!rs unhappy ab\t 
me4 ,h[ev]1 ,i _h no int5tion ( go+ back

 into s94   ,,becom+ ,,ascetic  ,i took 
a great int]e/ 9 read+ religi\s books & 
pap]s4 ,al?\gh d\btless ! motives ( ^?  
:o wrote ^! 7 high & noble1 & _! sole   
aim & purpose 0 to fur!r ! int]e/s (    
,god's k+dom on e>?1 yet "s ( ^!        
productions 7 writt5 9 su* a mann] z to 
cause a consci5ti\s s\l to feel t x is  
almo/ impossible = an ord9>y p]son to   
rea* a /&>d ( exp]i5ce & life su* z !y  
set up4 ,my natural t5d5cy1 h[ev]1      
impell$ me to try 9 my weak way to      
patt]n aft] ! mo/ rigid examples4 ,i    
notic$ t "s ( ! *>act]s m5tion$ 7 giv5  
to mu* fa/+ & to ab/95ce f all except ! 
v pla9e/ ( foods4 ,my t5d5cy t[>d       
extremes aga9 ass]t$ itself1 & sometimes
 ,i felt condemn$ = enjoy+ ev5 a        
:olesome meal4 ,i rememb] "o occasion :5
 ,i worri$ because ,i _h indulg$ 9 eat+ 
a reasonable am\nt ( meat :i* 0 pleas+  
to my ta/e4  ,! la/ ye> ,i 0 9 s*ool ^! 
morbid t5d5cies rea*$ _! climax4 ,i _h  
read ( devot$ m5 9 ! m9i/ry :o _h labor$
 s zeal\sly t !y all[$ !mselves only six

 h\rs sleep4 ,besides _! daily tasks1   
:i* 7 enorm\s1 "s ( ^! m5 _h sp5t z long
 z two h\rs ea* day 9 private devotions4
 ,i tri$ to =ce myself to ?is rigid     
r\t9e1 besides keep+ up ) my classes 9 !
 univ]sity4 ,almo/ e night religi\s     
s]vices 7 held ei!r 9 ! *apel or 9 "s   
cottage4 ,on ,sunday !re 7 f\r &        
sometimes five s]vices4 ,( c\rse1 ,i    
felt duty b\nd to att5d all ( ^!1       
besides keep+ up daily my two h\rs (    
private devotions4 ,sometimes ,i 0      
oblig$ to lose a "p ( ! six h\rs allott$
 = sleep1 9 ord] to c>ry out ?is rigid  
program ,i _h set = myself4 ,n only did 
,i suff] f exhau/ion induc$ by ! con/ant
 & heavy /ra92 b if ,i happ5$ to fail 9 
sp5d+ ! full two h\rs 9 pray] or 9 read+
 ! ,scriptures1 ,i w\ld sometimes be s  
t]ribly accus$ t ,i w\ld resort to a    
public confession ( my neglect1 & once  
,i w5t to ! public alt> "u accusation t 
0 l>gely due to ?is v cause4  ,i _h he>d
 a great deal1 also1 conc]n+ our        
obligation to d p]sonal "w & ?rew myself

 into ?is phase ( ,*ri/ian activity4 ,( 
c\rse1 ,i soon w5t to extremes4 ,if ,i  
happ5$ to be 9 ! company ( "s "o = a    
%ort "t & fail$ to speak to him ab\t 8  
s\l's welf>e1 ,i 0 likely to be         
dreadfully accus$ = gross neglect (     
duty4 ,"u su* circum/ances x 0 h>d = me 
to te/ify1 because ! accus] c\ld always 
f9d "s neglect or ov]sight ) :i* to     
tr\ble me4 ,on ! o!r h&1 ,i 0 afraid n  
to te/ify le/ ,i %\ld soon be hopelessly
 backslidd5 if ,i neglect$ ?is duty4 ,s 
,i f9ally drift$ into ! habit ( sil5tly 
ask+ ,god's =giv5ess = any possible     
neglect 9 any way1 j be=e ris+ to       
te/ify1 s z to make sure t ,i 0 9 a     
prop] condition to witness = ! ,"l4 ,all
 ?is 0 exce$+ly we>+ on my :ole be+4    
,a ,,morbid ,,consci5ce  ,at la/ my     
consci5ce became s morbid t e s]mon ,i  
he>d & e religi\s book or tract ,i read 
0 at once comp>$ ) my exp]i5ce to see if
 ,i lack$ 9 ev5 ! lighte/ details4 ,i   
happ5$ to read ( "o devot$ man :o       
lit]ally gave all 8 possessions to !    

,"l's "w4 ,imm$iately ,i ?\ght ( ! small
 am\nt ( money t ,i _h ) :i* to pay my  
w9t]'s tuition 9 ! univ]sity4 ,x 0 n q  
en\gh to pay all my exp5ses1 & yet :5 ,i
 w\ld decide t ,i c\ld n give my all to 
! ,"l's "w1 t]rible accusations w\ld    
cru% me d[n until x seem$ t my reason   
itself w\ld become unbalanc$4 ,9 my     
despair1 ,i op5$ up my he>t to a tru/$  
fri5d1 & he %[$ me t ?is 0 cle>ly an    
accusation f ,satan & %\ld be entirely  
ignor$4 ,all ^! ?+s told sadly on my    
m5tal & physical condition1 s t :5 !    
s*ool ye> end$ & ,i return$ home to my  
fri5ds1 !y 7 v mu* disappo9t$ 9 me4     
,f9ally !y became al>m$ at my morbid    
condition4   ,,obta9+ ,,relief  ,satan  
at la/ ov]did himself2 & by ! help ( k9d
 fri5ds1 ,i disc]n$ 8 devices & !       
extremes to :i* ,i _h be5 driv54 ,once !
 foll[+ l9es 7 quot$ to me3 ,if y want  
to be di/ract$1 look ab\t y2 if y w\ld  
be mis]able1 look )92 b if y w\ld be    
happy1 look to ,jesus4 ,^! ,i %all nev] 
=get4 ,a fri5d also po9t$ out ! fact t  

,i 0 con/antly feel+ my spiritual pulse4
 ,he said t ?is 0 j z detrim5tal to my  
spiritual condition z ! con/ant c\nt+ ( 
he>t-beats w\ld be to my physical heal?4
 ,j z a pati5t w\ld be likely to imag9e 
himself afflict$ ) he>t-tr\ble1 s ! same
 habit 9 ! spiritual realm w\ld1 if     
cont9ually indulg$1 prove disa/r\s to   
con/ant peace & victory4  ,x took "s "t 
to ?r[ (f entirely ! /raight jacket :i* 
_h be5 impos$ ^u me2 b by pati5t        
p]si/5ce1 ) ,god's grace1 ,i 0 made an  
ov]com]4 ,i 0 taught to disc]n !        
diff]5ce betwe5 accusations & ! work+s (
 ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,! voice ( ! accus] is   
h>%1 cruel1 nagg+1 or exact+2 ,god's ,_s
 is mild1 g5tle1 & enc\rag+4 ,:5 ,god's 
,_s reveals any?+1 x is made cle> &     
pla94 ,! accus] bewild]s1 confuses1 &   
disc\rages4 ,i also le>n$ t our k9d     
heav5ly ,fa!r is n wat*+ = an           
opportunity to ca/ u (f1 b r he is seek+
 by ! woo+s ( 8 g5tle ,_s to lead u into
 gre5 pa/ures & beside ! /ill wat]s1 :]e
 we may n\ri% our s\ls & become /rong to

 meet ! battles & trials ( life4 ,he w  
%[ u our %ortcom+s1 b n 9 a way t w     
disc\rage or cru% u4  ,(t5times :ile ,i 
0 "u su* cru%+ accusations1 ! tempt]    
w\ld say1 ,h[ c y ev] hope to prea* !   
gospel1 :5 y are s unsettl$ 9 y\r own   
exp]i5ce8 ,"o day !re came to my m9d !  
scripture 9 ,eph4 #c3bj1 :i* says t he  
is able to d exce$+ abundantly above all
 t we c ask or ?9k4 ,i decid$ t 9 "s way
 ,god w\ld "w out 8 purpose conc]n+ my  
life if ,i w\ld pati5tly s]ve him to !  
be/ ( my k & ability4   ,,inh]it$       
,,disposition ,,to ,,worry  ,ano!r      
lesson ,i ne$$ to le>n 0 to tru/ ,god ) 
! future4 ,i 0 naturally incl9$ to      
worry4 ,= sev]al g5]ations back my      
ance/ors on "o side ( my family tree _h 
be5 giv5 to excessive worry1 _!         
condition at times bord]+ on utt]       
despond5cy4 ,i 0 pa9fully consci\s ( ?is
 inh]itance 9 my con/itutional make-up4 
,9 my morbid imag9ation1 ne>ly e ?reat5+
 tr\ble 0 magnifi$ to ! proportion ( a  
dreadful disa/]4 ,_m an h\r1 & ev5 days1

 ,i wa/$ 9 useless worry4 ,p]haps n "o  
t5? ( my gloomy =ebod+s ev] mat]ializ$4 
,,fac+ ,a ,,n]v\s ,,collapse  ,9 ord] to
 tea* me m ?or\ghly ! lesson ( tru/1 !  
,"l p]mitt$ me to pass ?r\gh a peculi> &
 sev]e trial4 ,z ,i look$ =w>d to ! "t  
:5 ,i hop$ to take up ! active "w ( !   
m9i/ry1 ,i _h a great desire to be at my
 be/ 9 e way4 ,i _h hop$ to be 9 good   
heal? s t ,i might be able to be> ! /ra9
 ( ! "w & to meet e em]g5cy t might     
arise4 ,b j z ,i 0 ab\t ready to ent] ^u
 my life's mission1 ,i f\nd my heal?    
break+ & myself on ! v]ge ( a n]v\s     
breakd[n4 ,?is 0 inde$ a ke5            
disappo9tm5t to me4 ,my suff]+s at times
 seem$ almo/ intol]able4 ,i c\ld n      
und]/& x3 ,i long$ s mu* to be ( real   
s]vice to ,god & to accompli% :at ,i    
reg>d$ z my life-"w--! m9i/ry4  ,al?\gh 
! prospects seem$ gloomy & my fri5ds    
expect$ a complete breakd[n 9 my heal?1 
yet ,i det]m9$ to g =w>d 9 ! "n ( ! ,"l 
& to d ! be/ ,i c\ld4 ,i ev5 began to   
fe> t my reason w\ld be de?ron$4 ,h[ev]1

 ,i said no?+ ab\t my condition to my   
congregation1 b s\ght to be a bless+ to 
!m 9 e way4 ,i f9ally tri$ to =m ! habit
 ( beg9n+ ea* day ) a season ( ?anksgiv+
 = all ! bless+s ,i c\ld ?9k (4 ,?is    
prov$ to be v helpful4   ,,reliev$ ,,by 
,,help+ ,,o!rs  ,"s days 7 m try+ ?an   
o!rs4 ,:ile pass+ ?r\gh ! sev]e/ te/s ,i
 le>n$ t x 0 v helpful to look = "s o!r 
tri$ or tempt$ ones & d my be/ to *e] & 
com=t !m4 ,j a few doors f :]e ,i room$ 
0 a lady pa/ middle age1 :o _h be5 a    
suff]] = elev5 ye>s4 ,%e _h be5 helpless
 dur+ ! great] "p ( t "t4 ,i w5t to see 
h] (t5 & did :at ,i c\ld to light5 h]   
burd5s4 ,%e knew no?+ ( my suff]+s1     
h[ev]4 ,%e 0 s grateful = ev]y?+ ,i did 
= h]1 & ! ,"l's pres5ce 0 s real e "t ,i
 talk$ or pray$ ) h] t inv>iably ,i 0   
abundantly help$ 9 ! v ef=ts put =? to  
*e] & com=t h]4 ,sometimes my he>t c>ri$
 an almo/ intol]able burd52 b aft] a    
call 9 ?is home ( affliction1 my burd5  
w\ld gr[ light & ,i w\ld sometimes wond]
 :i* _h be5 help$ ! m1 %e or ,i4 ,also1 

:5 ,i consid]$ :at %e _h endur$ = s     
long1 ,i 0 a%am$ to tol]ate any?+ l     
discont5t conc]n+ my own lot1 :i*1 ?\gh 
seem+ly s h>d at times1 0 s mu* bett] & 
easi]1 9 "s respects at lea/1 ?an h]s4  
,!re 7 times :51 to add to my suff]+s1  
,satan w\ld br+ aga9/ me accusations t  
,i c\ld n h borne )\t special help f    
,god4 ,(t5 ! old temptations to d\bt my 
exp]i5ce ( salvation w\ld return )      
trem5d\s =ce1 & if ,i _h li/5$ to !     
enemy's sugge/ions1 ,i %\ld h ca/ aside 
my exp]i5ce 9 spite ( all t ,god _h ev] 
done = me4 ,! accus] w\ld sometimes beg9
 by sugge/+ t ,i _h nev] be5 truly      
sanctifi$4 7,i obta9$ ! exp]i5ce (      
entire sanctification soon aft] ent]+ ! 
"w ( ! m9i/ry47 ,!n ! enemy w\ld become 
m bold & w\ld sugge/1 ,y "k t y h (t5 _h
 s]i\s d\bts conc]n+ y\r exp]i5ce (     
ju/ification1 & aft] all1 p]haps y h    
nev] be5 truly conv]t$4  ,aft] annoy+ & 
di/ress+ me 9 ?is mann]1 ,satan w\ld fl+
 at me su* taunts z ^!3 ,y are a pretty 
example ( a m9i/] :o is suppos$ to be   

truly call$ & qualifi$ ( ,god to prea* 8
 ,^w4 ,_m times ,i w\ld h a conflict l  
?is j be=e ris+ to prea*4 ,if ,i _h giv5
 way to feel+s1 ,i w\ld r h s\ght "s    
place ( quiet seclusion ?an to h fac$ ! 
wait+ congregation be=e me4 ,b !n !     
?\ght w\ld come1 ,p]haps 9 !            
congregation !re are tempt$ & tri$ s\ls 
:o ne$ special help2 & s ,i w\ld decide 
to prea*1 n accord+ to h[ ,i felt1 b    
accord+ to actual k ( ,god's ,^w1 :i* is
 ev] un*ang+4 ,x seem$ t :5ev] ,i 0 mo/ 
sev]ely tri$ 9 ?is mann]1 ,i w\ld get ! 
greate/ victory & bless+ by mov+ out 9 !
 p]=mance ( :atev] duty confront$ me4   
,inde$1 ,i d n rememb] a s+le in/ance :5
 ,i fail$ to prea* at ! appo9t$ h\r on  
acc\nt ( ! /ate ( my feel+s4  ,i        
sometimes wond]$ :y ! conflict 0 s long1
 = ,i suff]$ ?us mon? aft] mon?4        
,sometimes ,i com=t$ myself ) ! ?\ght t 
"s day dea? w\ld br+ relief2 b ,i le>n$ 
at la/ t ,god 0 only p]mitt+ ^! suff]+s 
9 ord] to ref9e ! gold4 ,my be/ & mo/   
helpful s]mons 7 prea*$ :ile ,i 0 9 ! v 

mid/ ( ! deepe/ suff]+4   ,,becom+      
,,reconcil$  ,at la/ ,i came to realize 
t x matt]$ n s mu*1 aft] all1 h[ mu* ,i 
suff]$1 j s ! p :om ,i s]v$ 7 help$ &   
bless$2 t true bless$ness 9 life does n 
consi/ 9 fre$om f suff]+1 b 9 accompli%+
 "o's mission 9 ! _w accord+ to ! div9e 
plan4   ,,*ri/ ,,m ,,real  ,"s ( my mo/ 
preci\s seasons ( fell[%ip ) ,*ri/ 7    
exp]i5c$1 :51 9 ! abs5ce ( all feel+1   
except t ( sev]e suff]+1 ,i w\ld say by 
fai? alone1 ,?\1 ,o ,*ri/1 art by my    
side4 ,?\ wilt nev] leave me nor =sake  
me4 ,at la/ ,i accu/om$ myself to       
believe 8 pres5ce 0 real 9 spite ( my   
feel+s1 s t by fai? ,i c\ld almo/ imag9e
 him at my side4 ,z ,i walk$1 x seem$ t 
we kept /ep toge!r2 z ,i fac$ my        
congregations1 he /ood by my side1 unse5
 ( c\rse by physical eyes1 b "u su*     
circum/ances ! natural eyes c n be      
comp>$ ) ! spiritual sight = cle>ness ( 
vision4 ,i !n le>n$ :at ,paul meant to  
express :5 he said1 ,:ile we look n at !
 ?+s :i* are se51 b at ! ?+s :i* are n  

se53 = ! ?+s :i* are se5 are temporal2 b
 ! ?+s :i* are n se5 are et]nal 7#b     
,cor4 #d3ah74 ,:om hav+ n se51 ye love2 
9 :om1 ?\gh n[ ye see him n1 yet        
believ+1 ye rejoice ) joy unspeakable & 
full ( glory 7#a ,pet4 #a3h74   ,,"s    
,,lessons ,,le>n$  ,?us my trials &     
h>d%ips taught me t a g5u9e exp]i5ce (  
salvation is obta9$1 z well z ma9ta9$1 n
 by work+ up "s great feel+ or emotion1 
b by simple1 tru/+ fai? 9 ,god1 &       
implicit ob$i5ce to 8 ,^w4  ,i f\nd t   
our ,god is a lov+ ,fa!r & n a h>d      
taskma/]4 ,l z a fa!r pitie? 8 *ildr51 s
 ! ,"l pitie? !m t fe> him 7,psa4       
#ajc3ac74 ,nei!r does he require u to d 
any?+ t is unreasonable4 ,i besee* y1   
!re=e1 bre?r51 by ! m]cies ( ,god1 t ye 
pres5t y\r bodies a liv+ sacrifice1     
holy1 acceptable unto ,god1 :i* is y\r  
reasonable s]vice 7,rom4 #ab3a74  ,i    
also le>n$ t ! true te/ ( our ,*ri/ian  
exp]i5ce is n ! /ate ( our feel+s1 b !  
p[] to resi/ temptation1 to keep sweet  
"u sev]e trials1 & to manife/ ! meek &  

g5tle _s ( ! ,ma/]4 ,i le>n$1 moreov]1 t
 ! ,"l is n anxi\s to ca/ u (f = e      
little failure1 b is long-suff]+ &      
pati5t ) u z long z we h a s9c]e aim &  
purpose to please him 9 all ?+s4 ,i     
le>n$ m fully ! secret ( ca/+ all my c>e
 ^u him1 kn[+ t all ?+s "w toge!r = good
 to !m t love ,god 7,rom4 #h3bh74  ,!   
la/ few ye>s ( my life h be5 m>k$ by    
great victory 9 my exp]i5ce4 ,! =m]     
trials ?r\gh :i* ,i pass$ h increas$ my 
usefulness by help+ me to be m unselfi%4
 ,i wond]$ at ! "t :y ,god p]mitt$ su*  
trials & suff]+s2 b n[ z ,i look back ^u
 ! pa/1 ,i see t ,i c\ld n af=d to be   
)\t ! discipl9e & tra9+ :i* ^? sev]e    
trials br\ght to me4 ,9 my "w z a pa/or 
,i am all ! m qualifi$ to sympa?ize ) & 
to help ^? :o are meet+ ) simil> trials 
& difficulties4 ,z ,i rememb] my own    
conflicts & trials1 ,i c be m *>itable =
 o!rs4   ,,conclusion  ,z ! ,"l turn$   
aga9 ! captivity ( ,job & re/or$ to him 
8 =m] bless+s1 s he re/or$ my heal? 9   
due "t1 toge!r ) great victory along e  

l9e4 ,?\gh ,i /ill meet ) h>d trials &  
p]plex+ problems1 yet ,i h le>n$ to take
 !m all to him 9  simple1 tru/+ fai?1   
fully assur$ t he w direct 9 all ?+s4 ,z
 already expla9$1 my natural t5d5cy 0 to
 worry2 yet  ?r\gh ,god's grace ,i h be5
 able to meet "s ( ! mo/ p]plex+        
problems ) calmness & ev5 9 ! face ( ^! 
?+s to enjoy refre%+ sleep1 kn[+ t he is
 able to d exce$+ abundantly above all t
 we ask or ?9k 7,eph4 #c3bj74  ,i h     
ceas$ to long = an exp]i5ce l t ( "s "o 
else1 kn[+ t ,god has giv5 me "o t is   
be/ = me4 ,pet] & ,john 7 bo? true      
disciples ( our ,"l1 yet h[ diff]5tly   
did !y manife/ outw>dly ! work+s (      
,god's ,_s )91 :i* is ev] ! same6  ,"s  
ye>s ago ,i disc]n$ ! on5ess ( ,god's p 
& became fully conv9c$ t ! ,^w ( ,god   
%\ld be our guide 9 all ?+s p]ta9+ to   
our spiritual welf>e2 t none ( x %\ld be
 omitt$ or ca/ aside4 ,s9ce t "t ! light
 has be5 con/antly increas+1 & ea*      
succe$+ ye> becomes m bless$ 9 8 s]vice4
 ,i am le>n+ m & m1 z ,paul expresses x1

 t 9 :atsoev] /ate ,i am1 !re) to be    
cont5t 7,phil4 #d3aa74 ,) ! pa/ all "u !
 blood1 ,i h no gloomy =ebod+s conc]n+ !
 future2 = ,i "k :om ,i h believ$1 & am 
p]suad$ t he is able to keep t :i* ,i h 
committ$ unto him aga9/ t day 7#b ,tim4 
#a3ab74     ,! ,te/imony ( a ,prison]   
,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #c   ,! he>t is      
deceitful above all ?+s1 & is desp]ately
 wick$ 7,j]4 #ag3i74 ,! tru?fulness (   
?is scripture has be5 v]ifi$ 9 my life4 
,= m ?an tw5ty ye>s ,i liv$ a mo/       
%ameful life to satisfy ! desires ( my  
wick$ he>t4 ,i h le>n$ t ! m a p]son    
yields to ! s9ful desires ( ! he>t1 ! m 
wick$ he becomes4  ,_m times dur+ my    
e>ly s*ool days ,i yield$ to ! tempt] & 
play$ truant & (ttimes conclud$ t x 0   
too hot to /udy & yield$ to ! sugge/ion 
to g = a swim 9 ! pond1 reg>dless (     
consequ5ces4 ,aft] play+ truant ! fir/  
"t1 ,i f\nd a repetition ( ! act mu*    
easi]1 until f9ally my p>5ts became     
disgu/$ ) me & s5t me away to "w1 & ,i h
 work$ ev] s9ce t "t4 ,:ile 9 !         

coal-m9es1 ,i receiv$ _m h>d knocks &   
bumps1 & my education neglect$2 :]eas1  
_h ,i n yield$ to my wilfulness & !     
deceitful desires ( my he>t 9 ! beg9n+1 
,i might h _h a spl5did education &     
today be ! possessor ( a responsible    
position4  ,on my fifte5? bir?day ,i    
took my fir/ dr9k1 yield+ to !          
temptation ( tak+ my d9n]-pail & gett+  
t5 c5ts' wor? ( be] to dr9k b5ea? a %ady
 tree4 ,oh1 t ,god w\ld h tak5 me be=e x
 ev] t\*$ my lips6 ,i am unable to      
relate all my exp]i5ces s9ce ,i took my 
fir/ dr9k1 b w\ld say t ,i h suff]$     
beyond measure & h paid a great price = 
my folly4 ,x has robb$ me ( my "*1      
reputation1 fri5ds1 a belov$ wife1 & f\r
 beautiful *ildr5--?ree boys & a        
girl--:om ,i lov$ m ?an my own life4    
,aft] dr9k _h robb$ me ( all t 0 de> to 
my he>t1 !n ! sugge/ion came = /ill     
fur!r de/ruction by committ+ suicide4 ,!
 evil "o sugge/$ t z !re 0 no?+ left    
wor?y a cont9uation ( my life1 x 7 bett]
 to end x all & f9d sweet re/ 9 ! grave4

 ,i 0 ca/ into prison1 & ! way be=e me  
truly seem$ d>k4  ,:ile ,i 0 s]v+ a     
prison s5t5ce ,i le>n$ !re 0 help = me  
?r\gh ! salvation ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,x 0 9
 ! ,bible t ,i le>n$ t ! ,"l w\ld create
 )9 me a new he>t if ,i w\ld only let   
him 91 & old ?+s are pass$ away2 behold1
 all ?+s are become new4 ,i ?\ght t ,i 0
 too f> gone to be =giv51 b ! words f\nd
 9 ,isa4 #a3ah gave me assurance3 ,?\gh 
y\r s9s be z sc>let1 !y %all be :ite z  
sn[3 ?\gh !y be r$ l crimson1 !y %all be
 z wool4 ,^! words 7 to me :at a        
life-pres]v] is to a dr[n+ p]son4 ,i    
grasp$ !m ) a trembl+ he>t & f\nd peace 
to my s\l4  ,n[1 in/ead ( de/roy+ my own
 life by committ+ suicide & seek+ re/ 9 
! grave1 z ,satan _h (t5 sugge/$1 ,i    
f\nd sweet re/ to my s\l 9 turn+ to     
,jesus1 & ! mo/ e>ne/ desire ( my he>t  
is to s]ve him & d t :i* is pleas+ 9 8  
sight4 ,n[ x is a pleasant pa/ime1 a joy
 & pleasure1 to read ! ,bible & religi\s
 books1 tracts1 & pap]s1 :]eby ,i c le>n
 m ( ! beauties ( a life ( salvation4   

,may ,god help s9n]s ev]y:]e to seek him
 :ile he may be f\nd4     ,a ,little    
,*9ese ,girl  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #d     
,%e 0 only a little ,*9ese girl1 l t5   
?\s& ( o!rs 9 ! great hea!n l& ( :i* %e 
0 a native4 ,%e 0 ! y\nge/ ( ?ree       
*ildr51 & h] fa!r di$ :ile %e 0 b a     
babe4 ,! "m1 be+ left a poor wid[1 0    
unable to support h] little family4     
,!re=e1 accord+ to ,*9ese cu/om1 ! son  
7:o 0 ! olde/ ( ! ?ree7 0 to receive !  
"m's att5tion1 b ! two daught]s 7 to be 
sold into o!r homes1 to become wives z  
soon z !y 7 ( m>riageable age4  ,x is   
ab\t ! baby girl1 ,baul91 ( :om ,i wi%  
to tell y 9 ?is /ory4 ,! case 0 put into
 h] gr&fa!r's h&s = managem5t1 :o       
arrang$ = h] to g into h] uncle's home1 
& to f9ally become ! wife ( h] c\s91 :o 
0 a little y\ng] ?an h]self4 ,z soon z  
%e 0 a few ye>s old %e 0 tra9$ to help  
wa% ! clo!s1 cook ! family rice1 & clean
 ! b[ls2 & at an e>ly age %e _h to "w _m
 long h\rs 9 a silk-factory = only a few
 c5ts a day4 ,^! few c5ts help$ to buy  

h] own rice1 & z h] uncle 0 a poor man1 
he c\ld n af=d to support 8 si-fu       
7daught]-9-law7 )\t receiv+ some?+ = x4 
,nev] a day 0 ?is de> *ild s5t to s*ool4
 ,x 0 n cu/om>y to educate ,*9ese girls1
 except x %\ld be ^? ( great] weal? or  
rank4  ,"t w5t on until ,baul9 0 ab\t   
f\rte5 ye>s old4 ,9 ! meantime h] uncle 
_h come 9 contact ) mission>ies         
repres5t+ ! full gospel ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 
,z he became bett] acqua9t$ ) ! doctr9e1
 & obta9$ an exp]i5ce ( salvation1 he   
saw t x w\ld n be "r to en=ce ! m>riage 
( ,baul9 to 8 son2 ! matt] 0 to be left 
to _! own *oice1 :5 !y grew old en\gh to
 decide4 ,/ill ! responsibility 0 ^u him
 to cont9ue support+ h] to ! same ext5t 
t he previ\sly _h4  ,9 ! c\rse ( ano!r  
ye> or two1 ,baul9 n only _h %[n an     
int]e/ 9 ! gospel1 b _h a desire to take
 up h] abode 9 ! mission comp\nd to     
assi/ ) ! cook+ = ! o!r natives :o liv$ 
!re4 ,9 ?is capacity %e fai?fully labor$
 a few mon?s1 dur+ :i* "t %e came =     
pray] = salvation4 ,! mission>ies 9 *>ge

 _h f\nd difficulty 9 obta9+ native help
 = _! own kit*54 ,"o day x sudd5ly dawn$
 ^u ! mi/ress ( ! h\se t ,baul9 might be
 tra9$ = ! cul9>y dep>tm5t4 ,:5 ! idea 0
 sugge/$1 ?is de> "y girl 0 delight$ at 
! ?\ght ( promotion 9 usefulness4       
,arrangem5ts 7 imm$iately made1 & ! new 
plan prov$ successful4 ,?\gh %e did n s 
mu* z "k h[ to p>e potatoes1 fry eggs1  
nor set ! table = =eign food1 yet h]    
eag] will+ness to le>n made h] easy to  
tea*4 ,h] natural inability to take     
responsibility1 to manage1 & to ex]cise 
h] own judgm5t1 7 po9ts greatly aga9/ h]
 becom+ a compet5t cook4 ,h[ev]1 by !   
mi/ress cont9u+ to plan ! meals & to be>
 ! g5]al responsibility1 ,baul9 soon    
develop$ into a v reliable & useful     
work]4  ,two ye>s lat] :5 ! mission>ies 
mov$ to ano!r /ation1 %e 0 pleas$ to    
accompany !m & to cont9ue z _! cook4 ,9 
! meantime1 h[ev]1 a s]i\s *ange came   
ov] h] uncle1 :i* made ,baul9 ent]ta9   
fe>s conc]n+ h] =m] engagem5t = m>riage4
 ,?is man1 :o 0 s dep5dable be=e1       

gradually became entangl$ 9 bus9ess     
matt]s1 sw9dl$ o!rs out ( a consid]able 
am\nt ( money1 result+ 9 8 utt]         
spiritual d[nfall4 ,in/ead ( mak+ ef=ts 
to rise aga91 he seem$ to s9k deep] &   
deep] into s91 until all hope 0 giv5 up 
= 8 return4 ,baul9 0 exce$+ly fond ( h] 
own p1 & h] relatives 7 n a few4 ,b aft]
 h] uncle _h backslidd51 %e began to    
receive m or less p]secution f h] p4 ,x 
s happ5$ t ! new /ation to :i* %e       
accompani$ ! new mission>ies 0 ! city 9 
:i* h] "m liv$4 ,%e 0 employ$ !re z     
s]vant = a high-class family4 ,! "m1    
?\gh hav+ be5 9 contact ) ! ,*ri/ian    
religion = _m ye>s1 /ill rema9$ a rank  
hea!n1 hav+ great fai? 9 ! wor%ip (     
idols4 ,! "t came :5 ! mission>ies 7    
ab\t to dep>t on furl\gh to ! homel&1 & 
n[ a s]i\s "q confront$ ,baul93 ,:at    
%all ,i d1 or :at c ,i d8  ,b be=e      
cont9u+ ?is n>rative1 let me say "h t   
dur+ ! ?ree ye>s t %e 0 employ$ z cook1 
%e made a p]fect record ( hone/y &      
uprightness--some?+ :i* probably c n be 

said ( "o out ( a hundr$ ( ,*9ese cooks4
 ,n once 0 %e ev5 suspect$ ( tak+ )\t   
p]mission1 s mu* z a cru/ ( bread or a  
spoonful ( any?+ belong+ to ! =eign     
kit*54 ,:5 o!r natives ( ! comp\nd w\ld 
ask h] = a bit ( food :i* happ5$ to be  
left 9 ! di%es1 %e w\ld nev] give x )\t 
fir/ ask+ p]mission to d s4 ,%e seldom  
broke di%es1 b :5 %e did1 %e lo/ no "t 9
 mak+ ackn[l$gm5t4 ,?us h] hone/y1      
consci5ti\sness1 & mode/y won a w>m     
place 9 ! he>ts ( ^? :om %e s]v$1 & :5  
%e appeal$ to !m = help 9 solv+ !       
problem :i* s p]plex$ h] m9d ab\t ! "t t
 %e mu/ be sep>at$ f !m1 !y gladly %>$  
h] burd54 ,x 0 by see+ h] /$fa/ness     
?r\gh ?is trial t h] real wor? c\ld be  
appreciat$ m ?an ev] be=e4  ,f a ,*9ese 
po9t ( view1 %e 0 /ill "u age1 ?\gh %e 0
 n[ ab\t eighte54 ,h] "m _h nev] giv5 up
 ! idea t %e %\ld be m>ri$ to h] c\s9 :5
 !y bo? became old en\gh4 ,at ?is "t h] 
uncle 0 9 a backslidd5 /ate1 & 9 all    
probability w\ld insi/ on ! m>riage4 ,! 
boy himself1 h] c\s91 0 gr[+ up r a     

wor?less "y man4 ,he _h be5 9 s*ool m or
 less1 b 0 n extra bright4 ,rec5tly 8   
fa!r _h plac$ him z an appr5tice 9 a    
%oe%op4 ,he _h %[n no incl9ation        
:atsoev] t[>d spiritual ?+s1 ?\gh he _h 
_h _m advantages ( he>+ ! gospel4 ,baul9
 knew t %e w\ld soon be out ( employm5t1
 & ?is meant mu* to ! "y girl2 = %e 0 n[
 fully self-support+ &1 besides1 _h     
help$ h] uncle m ?an once 9 8 f9ancial  
/raits4 ,to return to ! =m] mission     
/ation1 at :i* city mo/ ( h] p liv$1    
seem$ ! only op5 door be=e h]4 ,yet ?is 
meant m p]secution1 & %\ld %e h to      
return to ! silk-factory to "w1 %e w\ld 
be depriv$ ( att5d+ meet+1 = ! girls &  
wom5 employ$ !re mu/ toil on f e>ly morn
 till late at night1 sev5 days a week4  
,x 0 :5 %e he>d t h] uncle 0 mak+ a     
bus9ess trip to ! city :]e %e 0 n[ liv+ 
& :]e h] "m also liv$1 t %e became m    
anxi\s conc]n+ a quick settlem5t ( t    
m>riage "q1 & x 0 9 ?is t %e e>ne/ly    
begg$ ! mission>y to help4 ,a meet+ 0   
call$ at :i* ,baul91 h] "m1 h] uncle1 ! 

mission>y1 & a few o!rs 7 pres5t4 ,baul9
 reque/$ a writt5 agreem5t sign$ by h]  
"m & uncle1 t ! engagem5t to h] c\s9 0  
brok51 & t !y %\ld h no p[] to compel h]
 engagem5t to any "o else1 b t %e %\ld h
 ! "r h]self to make *oice ( h] life    
companion4 ,! "q 0 discuss$1 b met )    
extreme opposition at fir/ by ! "m1     
insomu* t ! girl f9ally decl>$ t because
 %e 0 a ,*ri/ian & desir$ to d ! "r %e  
w\ld die r ?an be compell$ to m>ry a man
 :o 0 n a ,*ri/ian & "o :om %e did n    
love4 ,! uncle's greate/ objection 0 t  
he _h no money to buy ano!r girl = 8    
son1 & ! son w\ld blame 8 fa!r = n hav+ 
a wife ready = him1 accord+ to ,*9ese   
cu/om4  ,aft] sev]al meet+s1 h\rs (     
discussion1 & mu* pray] on ! "p ( !     
,*ri/ians1 a pap] & a duplicate 7 f9ally
 sign$1 :i* set ?is de> "y ,*ri/ian free
 f h] *ildhood engagem5t1 & oh1 :at a   
beam+ c\nt5ance %e wore6 ,ke5ly did %e  
realize x w\ld n be easy to return to h]
 home city & face h] hea!n relatives1 :o
 w\ld all be aga9/ h] on acc\nt ( ! /ep 

%e _h tak51 b %e 0 v happy 9 kn[+ t h]  
p]secution 0 = righte\sness' sake4 ,well
 able did %e feel1 ?r\gh ! grace ( ,god1
 to meet ! wor/ t might come4  ,h] joy 0
 increas$ "s days lat]1 :5 ^w 0 receiv$ 
t ! mission /ation 9 ! same city :]e h] 
p liv$ w\ld be glad to use h] z cook &  
g5]al help] 9 ! h\se4 ,?us %e w\ld n ne$
 to g back to ! factory to e>n a liv+1 b
 c\ld be employ$ m directly 9 ! s]vice (
 ,god & be "u ! c>e ( ! *ur*4  ,i hope  
all :o read ?is true /ory w n =get to   
brea! a pray] = ?is de> "y girl1 :o s   
boldly took h] /& = ! tru? & "r1 9 !    
mid/ ( opposition f hea!n relatives4 ,we
 c n b hope t %e may "s day be z        
reliable a spiritual work] z %e is today
 a temporal work]4     ,p]secutions &   
,victories ( an ,evangeli/  ,,exp]i5ce  
,,numb] #e   ,x is ) pleasure &         
gratitude t ,i take advantage ( ?is     
opportunity ( tell+ ( ,god's wond]ful   
deal+s ) me4 ,x is n[ a little ov] t5   
ye>s s9ce ,i 0 conv]t$4 ,i _h !         
advantage ( be+ re>$ 9 a ,*ri/ian home4 

,my p>5ts hav+ be5 sav$ = a good _m     
ye>s4  ,:5 ,i fir/ he>d ( p :o believ$ !
 entire ,^w ( ,god z x 0 prea*$ 9 ! days
 ( ! apo/les1 ,i wond]$ :at k9d ( p !y  
74 ,"s ( ! m9i/]s 7 conduct+ "s meet+s n
 f> f :]e we liv$1 &1 he>+ ( ^! p1 ,i   
ask$ my fa!r if x w\ld n be possible =  
!m to come to our community4 ,be+       
surpriz$ at my "q & glad to he> t ,i 0  
int]e/$ 9 he>+ ^? p1 he sugge/$ t ,i    
%\ld speak to !m p]sonally & ask !m to  
come4 ,^! meet+s 7 conduct$ ab\t eight  
miles f our home4  ,x 0 a cold ,octob]  
day :5 ,i drove to ! place ) horse &    
buggy & ask$ ! p to come to our t[n4 ,!y
 7 glad = ! invitation1 & we return$ to 
my home ! same day4 ,!re 0 especially "o
 ?+ ab\t !m :i* surpriz$ me1 & t 0 h[   
happy & cont5t$ !y seem$ to be2 b ,i 0 a
 little unwill+ to believe t x 0 really 
possible = a p]son to enjoy religion1 = 
my association ) s-call$ ,*ri/ian p _h  
made ! impression ^u my m9d t           
,*ri/ianity1 or salvation1 0 only = ^?  
:o c\ld n enjoy !mselves 9 ! _w4  ,:5 ! 

company t 7 to hold ! meet+ came to our 
home1 ,i decid$ to /udy & exam9e _!     
lives to f9d out :e!r !y really possess$
 ! joy & satisfaction t ,i 0 long+ =4   
,_! quiet1 devot$ lives conv9c$ me ( !  
fact t ,i ought to become a ,*ri/ian4   
,deep conviction settl$ d[n ^u me 9 !   
meet+s4 ,my "m & fa!r1 ^: lives _h made 
a deep impression ^u me1 plead$ ) me to 
yield to ,god1 b ,i 0 /ill unwill+ to   
surr5d]4  ,aft] ! meet+s clos$ ,i tri$  
to qu5* ! ,_s by indulg+ 9 worldly      
pleasures & associat+ ) my old fri5ds1 b
 x seem$ t ! ,_s ( ,god 0 work+ s       
p[]fully ^u me t x 0 impossible to resi/
 him4 ,i rememb] especially an exp]i5ce 
"o aft]noon4 ,i 0 br\ght face to face ) 
! supreme "q1 ,are y ready to meet ,god8
 ,i decid$ t ,i w\ld n yield1 b t ,i    
w\ld enjoy ! pleasure ( s9 & ! _w = "s  
ye>s & lat] become a ,*ri/ian4  ,n be+  
able to qu5* ! convictions t ! ,_s (    
,god _h wr\ght ^u me1 ,i delib]ately    
indulg$ 9 blasphemy1 det]m9$ to make !  
,holy ,_s leave me1 b ,i am glad to say 

t ,god 0 m]ciful to me 9 n p]mitt+ my   
s\l to be lo/4 ,= a mom5t ,i felt z ?\gh
 ,i _h committ$ ! unp>donable s91 t     
heav5 0 clos$1 & t my s\l 0 lo/ =ev]4 ,b
 ,i turn$ to ,god ) te>s & a brok5 he>t1
 ! ,_s ( ,god aga9 /rove ) me1 & my s9s 
7 m]cifully =giv54 ,! joy ( heav5 fill$ 
my s\l1 & ,i receiv$ ! assurance t my "n
 0 writt5 9 ! ,book ( ,life4 ,?is 0     
,novemb] #e1 #aije4   ,,sanctification  
,my s\l 0 p]fectly satisfi$1 & = "s "t  
,i felt z ?\gh all t heav5 c\ld give to 
a human be+ 9 ?is _w _h be5 giv5 to me4 
,b lat] ,i began to realize ! ne$ (     
some?+ m4 ,i he>d tea*+ on ! doctr9e (  
entire sanctification & began to /udy   
ab\t x 9 ! ,bible4 ,! k ?us obta9$ caus$
 me to seek = ! exp]i5ce1 b ,i did n    
receive x z soon z ,i _h expect$4 ,aft] 
"s v h>d /ruggles & mu* disappo9tm5t ,i 
f9ally conclud$ t ! tea*+ 0 wrong 9     
reg>d to ?is matt] & t x 0 impossible to
 obta9 ! exp]i5ce z x _h be5 pres5t$ to 
me4 ,try+ to com=t myself ) ?is ?\ght1  
,i let ! matt] re/ = a :ile1 b ,i 0 n   

satisfi$4  ,ab\t two ye>s aft] my       
conv]sion ,i decid$ t ?is matt] %\ld be 
settl$ betwe5 ,god & my s\l4 ,go+ to !  
,"l 9 e>ne/ pray]1 ,i made a p]fect     
consecration ( all to ,god4 ,! ,"l began
 talk+ to my s\l1 & he made x cle> to me
 t ! reason :y ,i _h n obta9$ ! exp]i5ce
 soon] 0 n because ! doctr9e ,i _h he>d 
0 wrong1 b because ,i _h an exagg]at$   
idea ( :at sanctification really w\ld d4
 ,i 0 "u ! impression t ev]y?+ 9 my     
human nature :i* _h caus$ me tr\ble w\ld
 be remov$ 9 sanctification4 ,i _h fail$
 to see t 9 sanctification human desires
 are n tak5 away b sanctifi$4 ,i saw    
cle>ly t ! cause = ! mo/ ( my tr\bles 0 
t ,i _h fail$ to discrim9ate betwe5     
c>nality & humanity4  ,:ile ,i 0        
consecrat+1 ! ,"l spoke to me1 n audibly
 b by 8 ,_s1 & ask$ me if ,i 0 will+ to 
g to ,d5m>k ) ! gospel4 ,i 0 able to    
surr5d] on all po9ts b ?is "o1 see+ t   
go+ to a =eign c\ntry w\ld conflict )   
all my plans = ! future4 ,i felt v mu* l
 ,abraham :5 he w5t to ,m\nt ,moriah ) 8

 only son to (f] him !re ^u ,god's alt>4
 ,b see+ t ?is 0 ! only way & desir+ to 
obta9 ! exp]i5ce1 ,i surr5d]$1 plac$ all
 on ! alt>1 & imm$iately ,i 0 sanctifi$ 
& baptiz$ ) ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,praise !    
,"l6  ,!re 7 no outw>d demon/rations1 no
 special manife/ations ( ! p[] ( ,god2 b
 ! ,holy ,gho/1 be+ en?ron$ 9 my he>t1  
gave me a p[] ov] ! _w & self :i* ,i _h 
n exp]i5c$ h]et(ore4 ,?is glori\s       
exp]i5ce ,i h n[ enjoy$ = sev]al ye>s1 &
 x nev] 0 m preci\s to me ?an x is at ! 
pres5t "t4 ,halleluiah6   ,,go+ ,,to ,a 
,,=eign ,,c\ntry  ,= a :ile ,i did n ?9k
 m ab\t my call to ! "w ( ,god 9        
,europe1 b !re 0 a deep long+ 9 my s\l  
to see p sav$1 & :5ev] "t p]mitt$ ,i    
w\ld d all ! p]sonal "w ,i c\ld1        
di/ribut+ lit]ature1 visit+ p 9 _!      
homes1 help+ 9 meet+s1 etc4  ,my p>5ts  
be+ ,dani%1 !y naturally made me ?9k m (
 ! ,sc&9avian p ?an ,i o!rwise w\ld h   
?\ght1 & my he>t 0 (t5 burd5$ t ?is     
glori\s tru? might be br\ght to !m4 ,^! 
?\ghts ,i kept to myself1 speak+ only to

 ,god ab\t ! matt]4 ,at la/ ! burd5     
became s heavy t ,i op5$ my he>t to a   
m9i/] 9 :om ,i _h v mu* confid5ce1 & he 
told me t a ye> be=e t "t ! ,"l _h      
cle>ly %[n t ,i %\ld g to ,d5m>k ) !    
gospel4  ,next ,i op5$ my he>t to my    
p>5ts4 ,naturally !y felt sorry t ,i    
%\ld leave !m1 b 9 ano!r s5se !y 7 glad 
to see me ent] ! "w ( ! ,"l4 ,! ,"l _h  
reveal$ to my "m ! ev5+ ( my conv]sion t
 ,i %\ld prea* ! gospel1 b %e did n ?9k 
t my field ( labor w\ld be 9 a =eign    
c\ntry4  ,an old] m9i/]1 :o _h = "s "t  
be5 ?9k+ ( go+ to ,sc&9avia1 ask$ me if 
x w\ld n be possible = me to accompany  
him2 & :5 ! matt] 0 br\ght be=e ! *ur*1 
x 0 f9ally decid$ t ,i %\ld g4 ,we sail$
 f ,new ,york ,dec4 #ah1 #aiji1 & arriv$
 9 ,d5m>k1 ,jan4 #c1 #aiaj4 ,?is bro!r &
 8 wife /ay$ ) relatives1 :ile ,i made  
my home ) diff]5t p1 "s ( !m unsav$2 & !
 mo/ disagreeable ?+ t ,i met at !      
beg9n+ 0 t ,i 0 (t5 oblig$ to /ay 9     
homes :]e ,i knew ,i 0 n welcome4 ,b 9  
all ! trials & disappo9tm5ts !re 0 "o ?+

 t especially enc\rag$ & com=t$ me1 & t 
0 t ,i knew ,god _h s5t me to ,sc&9avia4
  ,i %all nev] =get ! fir/ "t ,god gave 
me a little favor among ! p4 ,an old    
g5tleman express$ 8 desire to h me give 
my te/imony aft] ! s]mon4 ,i 0 at t "t  
unable to express my ?\ghts 9 ! ,dani%  
language1 b 9 my he>t ,i c>ri$ a v heavy
 burd5 = ! p4 ,) ?is burd5 on my s\l ,i 
arose1 & ! feel+s ,i c\ld n express 9   
words ,i express$ 9 te>s4 ,t ev5+ f\r   
s\ls came to ! alt> & 7 glori\sly sav$4 
,f t "t on my s]vices 7 9 dem&1 & x 0 n 
long until a goodly numb] s\ght ! ,"l 9 
! meet+s4  ,ab\t a ye> f ?is "t a       
,bapti/ m9i/] ask$ me to come to 8 t[n &
 hold a f\r days' meet+4 ,aft] e>ne/ly  
pray+ ov] ! matt] ,i decid$ to break my 
engagem5t at ano!r place 7some?+ ,i d n 
d unless specially direct$ ( ! ,"l7 & to
 hold ^! meet+s4 ,in/ead ( hold+ f\r    
meet+s1 ,i held "o hundr$ & ?irty       
meet+s1 & ab\t "o hundr$ s\ls 7         
glori\sly sav$4 ,!re 7 a numb] ( "y m5 9
 ! t[n :o det]m9$ t !y w\ld break up !  

meet+s1 b we ask$ !m to come & take "p 9
 ! song-s]vice1 :i* g5]ally comm5c$ ab\t
 a half h\r be=e ! prea*+-s]vice4 ,(t5 !
 /ores w\ld be clos$ e>ly 9 ord] t ! p  
might be able to att5d ! meet+s1 & x 0 n
 long until ne>ly all ! "y m5 ( ! t[n 7 
sitt+ on ! front seats li/5+ to ! ^w )  
te>s 9 _! eyes4  ,an intoxicat$ man1 :o 
0 s5t out by a saloon-keep] to make     
di/urbance1 attack$ me 9 front ( !      
congregation4 ,a "y man :o also 0 "u !  
influ5ce ( liquor b :o 0 9 sympa?y ) !  
"w ,i 0 do+1 /epp$ to my side & (f]$ to 
def5d me ) 8 fi/4 ,9 ang] he said to !  
o!r man1 ,i want to tell y t we are n   
go+ to let y di/urb our meet+s4 ,i tri$ 
to calm !m1 b 9 spite ( all ,i did1 !   
man 0 unm]cifully treat$ z soon z he got
 outside by ! p ^: sympa?ies _h be5 won 
by ! gospel4   ,,p]secut$ ,,= ,,!       
,,gospel',s ,,sake  ,! saloon-keep]     
m5tion$ above1 :o almo/ fail$ 9 bus9ess 
because ( ! revival1 tri$ to "w out a   
plot aga9/ me4 ,he _h a fri5d :o liv$ 9 
! ,/ate ( ,mi*igan1 to :om he wrote =   

in=mation conc]n+ my life4 ,?is man     
wrote back3 ,! m9i/] :o is prea*+ 9 y\r 
t[n is a pr(essional :ite-slave trad]1 &
 has escap$ ! au?orities "h 9 ,am]ica & 
fl$ to ,europe4 ,?is lett] 0 tak5 to !  
(ficials 9 ,d5m>k1 & imm$iately ,i 0    
arre/$4 ,"o ( ! be/ detectives 9 ! k+dom
 & sev]al /ate (ficials 7 work+ on !    
case4 ,a numb] ( impressions 7 tak5 ( my
 f+]s & my picture 0 hung up 9 police   
/ations among ^? ( pr(essional ?ieves & 
crim9als4  ,a v bitt] p]secution also   
broke out 9 ! ,sc&9avian press4 ,among !
 p ,i 0 g5]ally kn[n z ,! ,prophet4 ,my 
aunt & c\s9 9 ,cop5hag5 7 ne>ly         
dumbf\nd$ "o day1 :51 z !y pass$ "o ( ! 
l>ge pr9t+-h\ses 9 ! city1 !y saw on !  
news bullet9 ( a prom95t daily 9 l>ge   
bold type1 :i* c\ld be read at a long   
di/ance1 ! foll[+3      ,! ,prophet     
,morris ,johnson--,:ite-,slave          
,trad]--,baptiz$     ,nak$ ,wom5--,/ole 
,*ur*'s ,money-,box--,w5t to ,am]ica    
) ,fifty ,"y ,girls & ,sold ,!m to !    
,h\ses (     ,ill-,fame--,escap$ ! ,h&s 

( ! ,au?orities4  ,none ( ^! ?+s 7 true1
 h[ev]2 b :]ev] ,i w5t ,i 0 c>efully    
wat*$ by ! au?orities4 ,my "n 0         
associat$ ) ! mo/ ignoble1 immoral1 &   
di%onorable ?+s1 & ! matt] 0 giv5 su*   
publicity t ,i c\ld n bo>d a tra9 or a  
/eam] )\t its be+ made kn[n to ^? ar\nd 
me4  ,f9ally ! p ( ,god to :om ,i _h be5
 prea*+ consid]$ x _! duty to enc\rage  
me to appeal to ! law = protection1 "o  
bro!r (f]+ to sp5d five ?\s& cr[ns on ! 
case4 ,?is ,i c\ld n d1 = x w\ld h      
conflict$ ) my ,*ri/ian pr9ciples2 b at 
la/ ,i saw t ! only way ,i c\ld satisfy 
!m 0 to d some?+ to prove t ,i 0 n      
guilty ( ! accusations4  ,accord+ly ,i  
w5t to ,cop5hag51 spoke to ! ,unit$     
,/ates ,m9i/] & to a prom95t lawy] ab\t 
! matt]4 ,!y enc\rag$ me to take up a   
law suit aga9/ ! p>ties :o _h s         
inhumanly treat$ me1 b feel+ t ,i %\ld  
grieve ,god by do+ s1 ,i decid$ to      
pati5tly suff]1 kn[+ t ,god w\ld /& by  
me & t 9 ! end 8 "n w\ld be glorifi$4 ,i
 mu/ admit t _h x n be5 = ! fact t ! p (

 ,god 7 pray+ = me & t ,god 9 a special 
way com=t$ & /r5g!n$ me1 ,i %\ld n h be5
 able to /& ?r\gh ?is trial4  ,ab\t ?ree
 mon?s aft] ! "t ,i _h be5 9 ,cop5hag51 
a /ate (ficial publi%$ 9 ! pap] an      
article 9 :i* he made kn[n to ! public t
 aft] a ?or\gh exam9ation ( my case !y 7
 satisfi$ t ,i 0 innoc5t & 0 wor?y ( !  
moral support ( ! p4   ,,revivals  ,i am
 glad to say t ?is p]secution result$ 9 
a wond]ful outbreak ( spiritual life 9  
,sc&9avia4 ,hundr$s ( p came out to !   
meet+s & a l>ge numb] ( s\ls 7 sav$4 ,! 
,/ate ,bi%op1 a v influ5tial man1 0     
call$ ^u to oppose ! meet+s4 ,9 a public
 disc\rse he m5tion$ my "n tw5ty times1 
b ?is only ar\s$ a great] curiosity 9 ! 
he>ts ( ! p to he> ! ^w1 & 9 ?is way p 7
 br\ght "u ! influ5ce ( ! gospel :o w\ld
 nev] h be5 rea*$ any o!r way4  ,i %all 
nev] =get an exp]i5ce ,i _h 9 a revival 
9 ,hjorr+1 ,d5m>k4 ,we _h r5t$ a l>ge   
hall1 & ! fir/ ev5+ !re 7 ab\t five     
hundr$ p pres5t4 ,i _h be5 pass+ ?r\gh  
"s v h>d trials j be=e ?is meet+1 b !   

trial rea*$ its climax z ,i /ood be=e t 
audi5ce4 ,i did n feel ! help ( ! ,holy 
,_s at all z ,i 0 prea*+4 ,i w5t to my  
room t ev5+ ) a heavy he>t & sp5t "s "t 
on my knees 9 e>ne/ pray]4  ,lat] x 0   
made cle> to me :y ,god p]mitt$ me to   
pass ?r\gh ?is trial4 ,! foll[+ ,sunday 
ev5+ ! p[] ( ! ,holy ,_s 0 p\r$ out ^u t
 audi5ce 9 su* a measure t x 0 almo/    
impossible = ! p to resi/ x4 ,!re 7 ab\t
 #gej p pres5t1 & mo/ ( !m /ay$ = !     
alt>-s]vice4 ,!re 0 n room at ! alt> =  
^? :o want$ to seek ,god1 s ! p fell on 
_! knees & began to pray1 & all ov] !   
hall "o c\ld he> s9n]s cry+ to ,god =   
m]cy4 ,_m ( !m 7 sav$4 ,! meet+ did n   
close until aft] midnight4 ,i !n saw t !
 reason :y ,god _h p]mitt$ me to pass   
?r\gh t te/ 0 t he might prep>e me = !  
great bless+ pres5tly to be p\r$ out ^u 
! meet+4   ,,all-,,night ,,meet+  ,9    
,lokk51 ,d5m>k1 ! p ( ,god ga!r$ "o ev5+
 = a special meet+4 ,! ^w ( ,god became 
s preci\s to u t we c\ld n leave !      
place4 ,a l>ge numb] te/ifi$ & aft]     

midnight we _h an ord9ance-meet+1 :i* 0 
foll[$ by a s]mon1 & t by an alt>-call4 
,sev]al came =w>d & s\ght ! ,"l =       
sanctification1 & a few :o 7 s mu*      
int]e/$ t !y c\ld n leave1 came & 7     
sav$4 ,! alt>-s]vice 0 brok5 up :5 a    
bro!r came 9 & exclaim$1 ,hurry up1 or  
y'll miss ! tra94 ,?is 0 ! morn+ tra91  
:i* left at five o'clock4 ,! good "w    
cont9u$ at ?is place1 & !re 7 op5 doors 
= me to prea* ! gospel 9 all p>ts ( !   
k+dom :]e be=e w>n+s _h be5 publi%$     
aga9/ me4   ,,meet+ ,a ,,philosoph]     
,dur+ my /ay 9 ,cop5hag5 x 0 my         
privilege to become acqua9t$ ) an       
educat$ "y man1 a doctor ( philosophy1  
:o _h be5 influ5c$ by high] critics1 su*
 z h d\bt$ ! miracul\s acc\nts giv5 9 ! 
,holy ,scriptures4 ,:5 ,i 0 introduc$ to
 him1 ,i notic$ t he ?\ght x w\ld n be v
 difficult = him to weak5 my fai? &     
confid5ce 9 reg>d to religi\s matt]s4   
,he imm$iately express$ 8 desire to h "s
 private talks on religi\s que/ions1 to 
:i* ,i gladly cons5t$1 b greatly feel+  

my ne$ ( special wisdom & grace f ,god4 
,we w\ld (t5 sit up until aft] midnight1
 b ,i enjoy$ ^! conv]sations &          
discussions1 = !y gave me an und]/&+ ( !
 position t su* p]sons g5]ally take 9   
reg>d to religion4  ,"o ev5+ he         
accompani$ me to ! c\ntry1 :]e ,i held a
 meet+ 9 a private home4 ,ab\t fifte5   
m9utes aft] ,i _h ent]$ ! pulpit1 ,i    
notic$ t a deep conviction settl$ d[n ^u
 him4 ,te>s fill$ 8 eyes1 & he 0 unable 
to hide 8 emotions4 ,"o night at        
"o-?irty 9 ! morn+ he said to me3 ,i h a
 "q ,i want to ask y4 ,i h _h y\r life  
"u my microscope = a :ile & h come to ! 
conclusion t y are "o ( ! happie/ & mo/ 
cont5t$ "y m5 ,i h ev] met4 ,/ill ,i h  
notic$ t y h no int]e/ :atev] 9 !       
enjoym5ts & pleasures t o!r "y m5 ( y\r 
age seem to be s tak5 up )4 ,tell me1   
:at is ! s\rce ( y\r happ9ess8 ,my reply
 01 ,! s\rce ( my joy & happ9ess is !   
,*ri/ t y are try+ to d5y4 ,te>s fill$ 8
 eyes1 & he said to me1 ,9 my public    
lectures & disc\rses & ) my p5 ,i h tri$

 to influ5ce p aga9/ ,*ri/ianity1 b n[  
,i h f\nd t ,*ri/ianity c satisfy & make
 happy2 s ,i w nev] use my influ5ce 9 t 
way any m4 ,i did n h ! privilege ( see+
 ?is "y man conv]t$1 b ,i am sure t "s  
day ,i %all meet him 9 heav54   ,,tru/+ 
,,! ,,"l  ,:5 ,i ent]$ ! gospel field1  
,i decid$ t ,i %\ld tru/ ,god to supply 
all my ne$s4 ,my fa!r ^u bidd+ me       
good-by said1 ,n[1 my son1 if y ev] ne$ 
help f9ancially1 y mu/ let me "k1 & ,i  
%all be glad to help y4 ,i ?ank$ my     
fa!r1 b told him t he %\ld n feel "u    
obligations to me m ?an to any o!r      
mission>y & t x 0 my int5tion to tru/   
,god4  ,i paid my own f>e to ,europe ) !
 exception ( "o doll>1 :i* 0 giv5 me by 
a k9d bro!r4 ,= a :ile ,i got along     
well1 = ,i _h a little p]sonal money2 b 
! "t came :5 ,i ne$$ help4 ,i especially
 rememb] "o occasion :5 ,i ne$$ "s      
means4 ,i pray$ & wept be=e ! ,"l z a   
*ild be=e its fa!r1 ask+ ! ,"l :at he 0 
go+ to d ) me n[4 ,aft] ,i _h pray$ a   
:ile1 ! ,"l assur$ me t my pray] 0 he>d4

 ,two days lat] ,i receiv$ a money-ord] 
f a bro!r 9 ,s\? ,dakota & 0 able to    
meet all my obligations & ev5 _h "s to  
sp>e4 ,praise ! ,"l6  ,ano!r "t dur+ my 
/ay 9 ,norway ,i ne$$ a c]ta9 am\nt (   
money & began to pray to ,god conc]n+ ! 
matt]4 ,! am\nt ne$$ 0 ab\t tw5ty       
doll>s4 ,a few days f t "t ,i receiv$ a 
money-ord] = elev5 doll>s f "s "o 9     
,cop5hag5 f :om x w\ld h be5 altoge!r   
unreasonable = me to expect f9ancial    
help4 ,b ?is p]son wrote t ,god _h made 
x cle> t ?is money %\ld be s5t to me4 ,i
 also receiv$ a lett] f a man 9 ,am]ica 
) a money-ord] = t5 doll>s4 ,he wrote3  
,i am s5d+ y t5 doll>s1 & feel t ,i mu/ 
s5d x (f imm$iately4 ,hope y w receive x
 9 "t4 ,my ne$s 7 suppli$1 & y c be sure
 ,i 0 a happy man4 ,i h le>n$ by        
exp]i5ce t !re is no life happi] or     
nobl] ?an ! life t is fully surr5d]$ &  
consecrat$ to ,god4     ,! ,secret ( a  
,p]fect ,life  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #f    
,a little m ?an half a c5tury ago ,i    
drew my fir/ brea? ( life4 ,x 0 a day 9 

e>ly ,may1 s ,i h be5 told3 ! sun 0 %9+1
 ! birds 7 s++1 & ! e>ly fl[]s 7 9      
bloom4 ,x is n to be suppos$ t my       
environm5t 9 life's e>ly h\r _h any     
influ5ce ^u ! passions ( my s\l2        
nev]!less1 f my e>lie/ recollection ,i h
 be5 an ard5t lov] ( ! e/hetical 9      
nature4 ,_m ( ! days ( my *ildhood 7    
sp5t w&]+ ?r\gh ! fields 9 ! bright     
sun%9e1 admir+ & cull+ ! fl[]s2 rambl+  
?r\gh ! leafy wood1 li/5+ ) glad he>t to
 ! songs ( birds2 or sitt+ on ! mossy   
bank ( ! rippl+ brooklet delight$ by !  
music made by its cry/al wat]s z !y     
play$ among ! rocks4  ,b ! happy1       
innoc5t days ( *ildhood d n la/ always3 
! sun does n always %9e1 nor ! birds s+2
 nei!r d ! fl[]s always bloom along our 
way4 ,oh1 if we c\ld only h be5         
ov]look$--_m ( u h ?\ght 9 ! dre>y days 
( aft]-life--by ,fa!r ,"t & be5 left    
beh9d to be always 9 ! gre51 sun-lit    
fields ( *ildhood1 h[ happy we %\ld h   
be56 ,b x 0 n s2 & n[1 s9ce ,i h f\nd ! 
ri*es ( grace1 ,i am glad x 0 n s4 ,no  

"o c escape ! onw>d-lead+ h& ( ,"t4 ,he 
w lead u1 despite our prote/s1 into days
 :]e ! sun has ceas$ %9+1 :]e ! birds h 
fl[n to a m g5ial clime1 & :]e ! fl[]s h
 fad$4 ,z our mu*-lov$ poet has said1   
,into ea* life "s ra9 mu/ fall--   ,"s  
days mu/ be d>k & dre>y4  ,my life has  
be5 a confirmation ( ^! words4   ,,my   
,,fir/ ,,s9  ,among ! recollections ( my
 e>ly *ildhood1 "o is m deeply impress$ 
on my m9d ?an any o!r1 s deeply & firmly
 /amp$ t ! _m & v>i$ exp]i5ces ( fifty  
ye>s h fail$ to make x less cle> &      
di/9ct to ! vision ( memory ?an x 0 !   
day x occurr$4 ,x 0 ! committ+ ( a s94  
,x may h be5 my fir/ wilful             
transgression1 b1 h[ev] t may be1 x 0 "o
 t caus$ an awful s5se ( guilt to come  
into my he>t1 & ,i trembl$1 z x 71 9 an 
unse5 pres5ce4 ,no "o _h ev] spok5 to me
 ( ,god1 ( %unn+ ! wrong1 or ( do+ ! "r1
 except my "m 7sweet today is my memory 
( h]72 s ,i c>ri$ my tr\ble to h]1 & 9  
h] pres5ce ! tempt] l$ me into          
falsehood1 s t ,i 0 made m wret*$ ?an   

be=e4   ,,gett+ ,,deep] ,,into ,,s9  ,! 
days sp$ on2 & aft] a few ye>s1 ,i _h   
won ! title ( ,bad ,boy4 ,?\gh ! s9s (  
^? y\?ful days 7ov] :i* ,i pref] to ?r[ 
! reliev+ mantle ( =getfulness7 7 d>k & 
deep1 ,i did n altoge!r lose my love = !
 beautiful & ! good4 ,9 ^? %ad[y days1 a
 ray ( sunlight w\ld n[ & !n break      
?r\gh1 a bird-note w\ld be he>d1 & a    
fragrant fl[] w\ld raise its droop+     
head4 ,9 su* h\rs1 ,i w\ld get a glimpse
 ( a bett] life4 ,an unse5 h& w\ld set  
be=e me a picture ( a pure life1 & 9 my 
fancy ,i w\ld see myself a good man4    
,oh1 t ! dreams ( ^? y\?ful days 7 m    
p]fectly fulfill$6 b ,i mu/ give praise 
to ,god = :at he has wr\ght 9 me4  ,_m a
 "t at ! midnight h\r 9 ^? y\?ful days1 
aft] ,i _h left "s d5 ( vice1 !re w\ld  
be :isp]+s 9 my s\l ( a high]1 nobl]    
life4 ,z ,i1 9 my fancy1 gaz$ d[n ?r\gh 
! ye>s1 ! angel ( goodness w\ld %ift    
be=e me bright pictures ( ! diff]5t     
*>act]i/ics ( a holy life4 ,at ?is      
di/ant day1 on look+ back1 ,i am        

surpriz$ to note 9 :at tru5ess ! ,holy  
,_s set be=e me ! ideal godly life4  ,b 
,i mu/ be brief1 z only a few pages (   
?is "w are allott$ to me 9 :i* to tell y
 h[ ,i f\nd--or1 r1 :at ,i f\nd to be--!
 secret ( a p]fect life4   ,,my         
,,conv]sion  ,i 0 conv]t$ at ! age (    
tw5ty-eight4 ,a few mon?s lat]1 realiz+ 
! ne$ ( a deep] spiritual life1 ,i      
yield$ myself a liv+ sacrifice to ,god1 
& he gave me ! desire ( my he>t4 ,bless 
8 "n6 ,to tell y ! joy ( my s\l 9 ^!    
exp]i5ces1 is immeasurably beyond ! p[] 
( my p54 ,! happ9ess ( a pure life      
fanci$ 9 ! day-dreams ( my y\? 7 m ?an  
realiz$4 ,al?\gh ,i 0 ( a highly        
imag9ative m9d1 ! joy my he>t f\nd 9 !  
ri*es ( r$eem+ grace 0 numb]less times  
great] ?an ! fanci$ joys pictur$ to my  
m9d 9 my boyhood h\rs4  ,my he>t n[ fl[$
 out 9 a gu%+ /ream ( love to ,god1 & my
 m9d gl[$ ) ?\ghts ( him4 ,x 0 ! poet   
,milton :o said3 ,z to o!r po9ts1 :at   
,god may h det]m9$ = me1 ,i "k n[2 b ?is
 ,i "k--t if he ev] in/ill$ an int5se   

love ( moral beauty into ! brea/ ( any  
man1 he has in/ill$ x into m9e4 ,c]es1 9
 ! fable1 pursu$ n h] daught] ) a great]
 ke5ness ( inquiry ?an ,i1 day & night1 
! idea ( p]fection4 ,& ,i ?9k ! same 0  
true ( me4  ,e>ly 9 my religi\s life ,i 
became consci\s t ! law ( developm5t is 
writt5 9 ! ,*ri/ian he>t1 & t ?is law1  
if giv5 full scope1 w raise u ye> aft]  
ye> into high] degrees ( p]fection4 ,!  
,holy ,_s reveal$ to me also at ?is "t !
 secret ( atta9+ to ?is p]fect life by a
 natural gr[? 9 grace day aft] day4 ,9  
love & humility lies ! secret ( a p]fect
 & successful ,*ri/ian life4 ,!         
e>ne/ness ) :i* we seek ,god is 9       
proportion to our love = him4 ,j z truly
 z ! sev5 colors are wov5 toge!r 9 "o   
:ite ray ( sunlight1 s truly are ! laws 
( a p]fect life ga!r$ up & fulfill$ 9 ! 
life ( ^? :o love ,god4 ,love is !      
fulfill+ ( ! law4 ,no man c escape !    
effect ( break+ a law ( love4 ,:at      
fragrance is to ! fl[]1 ob$i5ce is to   
love4 ,any act ( unfai?fulness to ,god  

or man s\nds a false note on ! gold5 h>p
 ( love4 ,he :o loves tru? int5sely w   
dwell ) tru?2 he :o loves purity ( ?\ght
 w ?9k only on ?+s t are pure4 ,va9     
?\ghts w he hate4 ,he :o loves le>n+ w  
seek aft] le>n+ & j to t int5sity ( 8   
love = x4 ,he :o loves home w dwell at  
home z mu* z possible1 & home w become  
sweet] home4 ,he :o loves ,god w dwell )
 ,god1 w seek aft] ,god1 !reby /r5g!n+ 8
 affection = ,god & daily gr[+ into 8   
p]fection4   ,,humility ,,ne$$  ,b love 
alone w n suffice2 humility is ne$$ t   
love may be rightly direct$4 ,if        
humility be lack+1 love unconsci\sly    
beg9s to c5t] 9 self4 ,) a feel+ ( %ame 
,i confess t twice 9 my life s9ce becom+
 a ,*ri/ian1 ,i h lo/ ! balla/ (        
humility s t love w5t a/ray4 ,i ?\ght to
 love ,god & be fai?ful2 ,i ?\ght t ,i 0
 atta9+ to great] love2 b to my         
surprize1 :5 ! ,holy ,_s set my he>t    
be=e me 9 ! cle> light ( pure love1 ,i  
f\nd )9 t awful1 gha/ly1 defil+ pr9ciple
 ( self-love4  ,if y\r s\l loves !      

p]fect life1 humble y\rself "u ! h& (   
,god & keep y\rself 9 8 love4 ,aft] ye>s
 ( exp]i5ces & "s sad failures1 ,i h    
f\nd1 ) a great] c]ta9ty ?an ev]1 t love
 balla/$ by humility is ! secret ( a    
happy1 holy life4 ,i tru/ t dur+ !      
rema9+ days ( my life my s\l %all fl\ri%
 l ! palm-tree1 & gr[ /rong l ! c$>s (  
,lebanon1 & t ,i %all develop into t    
great] fulness ( ,god--into a m p]fect  
image ( him4  ,today ,i "k t ,god is    
love2 & he t dwelle? 9 love dwelle? 9   
,god1 & ,god 9 him4 ,z my inn] man is   
r5ew$ day by day1 to my spiritual eyes !
 ideal p]fect life gr[s 9 lovel9ess4 ,z 
,i j\rney on t[>d ! sett+ ( life's sun1 
,i c see f>!r into ! beyond1 cat* cle>] 
glimpses ( unse5 ?+s1 he> m di/9ctly !  
songs ( angels1 sc5t 9 great] sweetness 
! fragrance f ! fl[]s t gr[ 9 t cele/ial
 l&1 & feel ! beauty ( ! ,"l gr[+ ^u me4
 ,i h pass$ ?r\gh ! furnace flames2 b   
,god has br\ght me ?r\gh1 & he w br+ y  
?r\gh4   ,a ,,p]fect ,,ideal  ,h !re be5
 times 9 y\r life :5 a gl[+ feel+ crept 

into y\r he>t & y beheld a vision (     
ideal p]fection8 ,oh1 be ob$i5t to !    
heav5ly vision1 rememb]+ ?is1 t ! secret
 ( approa* to y\r ideal is love &       
humility4 ,humility w keep y 9 ! "r pa? 
z love hurries y on aft] y\r ideal4     
,nei!r ! rocks1 ! ?orns1 ! waves1 nor ! 
furnace flames1 ret>d ! lov] 9 8 race = 
a p]fect life :5 ! vision is kept cle>  
be=e 8 s\l4 ,h y made failures8 ,s h    
,i--great] failures1 p]haps1 ?an any y h
 made or ev] w make2 b ! ,god :o        
trans=ms ! cat]pill> into ! butt]fly w  
trans=m y into 8 p]fect image if y only 
love him int5tly & be submissive to all 
8 w4     ,conv]sion ( a ,"y ,jewi%      
,rabbi  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #g   ,i 0    
born 9 an or?odox ,jewi% family4 ,:5 ,i 
0 b f\r ye>s ( age1 my p>5ts took me to 
,engl& & put me 9 *>ge ( ! late ,rabbi  
,hor[itz ( ,london to fully tea* me !   
basis ( rabb9ical life4 ,at ! age (     
sev5te5 ye>s ,i complet$ my c\rse (     
in/ruction z a fully legaliz$ rabbi1 b 0
 too "y to take ! responsibilities ( a  

di/rict or synagog4 ,at t "t ,i return$ 
to ! ,unit$ ,/ates & soon drift$ into   
socialism & became a sociali/ orator1   
travel+ f city to city & ,/ate to ,/ate1
 until ,i left ! fir/ pr9ciples ( my    
rabb9ical tea*+4  ,:ile travel+ ?r\gh   
,canada ,i became acqua9t$ ) an an>*i/ &
 p>tly accept$ 8 belief4 ,i /ray$ s f>  
away f my e>ly tea*+ t f "t to "t :ile  
speak+1 ,i w\ld hold up my ,hebrew      
,bible & te> x to pieces1 curs+ ,god &  
d5y+ t !re 0 a ,god4 ,i really became s 
h>d5$ t ,i almo/ believ$ 9 my he>t t !re
 0 no ,god4  ,on ! tw5ty-six? day (     
,octob]1 #aijg1 ,i came to ,*icago1 &   
:ile ,i 0 speak+ t night on ! plat=m1   
hold+ ! ,hebrew ,bible1 te>+ x1 & ready 
to curse ,god1 !re came a sudd5 /rong   
voice1 z x 71 &1 to my surprize1 repeat$
 to me ! foll[+ words3 ,!y %all look ^u 
me :om !y h pi]c$1 & !y %all m\rn aft]  
him z "o m\rne? = its only begott51 & !y
 %all be 9 bitt]ness aft] him z "o is 9 
bitt]ness aft] 8 fir/-born4  ,:ile ,i   
li/5$ to ?is1 ,i ?\ght t "s "o 0 beh9d !

 plat=m speak+ ^! words4 ,i look$ beh9d 
! plat=m1 b c\ld f9d no "o4 ,:5 ,i      
resum$ my spee*1 ! voice came aga9      
speak+ ! same v]se1 & ,i became almo/   
p>alyz$ = a :ile4 ,aft] ! meet+ 0 ov]1 z
 ,i walk$ t[>d my ap>tm5ts1 ,i he>d !   
voice = ! ?ird "t1 speak+ to me 9 /rong]
 t]ms ?an ev]4 ,! mis]able feel+s came  
/rong] & /rong]4 ,9 fact1 ,i began to   
look = peace to my consci5ce1 b did n "k
 h[ to f9d x4 ,9 ?is tr\ble ( s\l1 no "o
 among all ! orators1 ,jewi% rabbis1 or 
religi\s p ( diff]5t d5om9ations came up
 to tell me h[ to d bett] nor to give me
 advice4  ,i left ,*icago = ,new ,york1 
b c\ld n f9d re/4 ,! words ( t voice    
nev] left me day or night4 ,"o night1   
:ile walk+ ! /reets ( ,new ,york look+ =
 some?+ to com=t me1 ,i saw a sign      
read+1 ,m5 ,want$ = ! ,unit$ ,/ates     
,army4 ,at n9e o'clock ! next morn+ ,i  
w5t to ! recruit+-/ation & ask$ = an    
application-blank4 ,! man at ! /ation   
?\ght x /range t a ,jew w\ld come to    
enli/1 b he gave me an                  

application-blank4 ,i fill$ x out & 0   
exam9$ & s5t to ,ft4 ,slocum1 ,new      
,york1 :]e ,i 0 sworn 9 = ?ree ye>s'    
fai?ful s]vice = ! ,unit$ ,/ates ,army4 
,aft] ,i enli/$ ,i began to look =      
peace2 b ! m ,i look$1 ! worse & m      
tr\ble came to me4 ,9 fact1 p]secutions 
f diff]5t soldi]s 7 v bitt] because ,i 0
 a ,jew & did n d :at !y 7 do+4  ,:ile 9
 ,ft4 ,slocum ,i contract$ fev] & 0 tak5
 to a hospital4 ,f ,ft4 ,slocum ,i 0 s5t
 to ,ft4 ,sill1 ,oklahoma1 :]e ,i 0     
assign$ to ,batt]y ,b1 ,fir/ ,field     
,artill]y4 ,!re 0 only "o ,jewi% man    
besides me among/ ov] ?ree hundr$ ,roman
 ,ca?olics1 & !y believ$ 9 mak+ ?+s hot 
= u1 s ! m ,i look$ = peace ! worse     
mis]y & p]secutions ,i f\nd4  ,on       
,decoration ,day1 #aijh1 !y 7 play+     
football1 & aft] ! game !y w5t into !   
kit*51 procur$ l>ge but*] knives1 & came
 out to cut ! %e5ies up4 ,:5 we saw !m  
com+ ) ! knives1 we ran into !          
tailor-%op & lock$ ourselves 91 hid+    
und]nea? mattresses betwe5 ! cov]s4 ,!y 

broke ! door1 b ?r\gh ,provid5ce !y c\ld
 n f9d u4 ,!n = ! fir/ "t s9ce ,i _h    
embrac$ socialism ,i began to ?9k !re 0 
a ,god1 s9ce our lives 7 s sp>$4  ,on ! 
six? ( ,june we w5t ba?+ 9 ! ,r$ ,riv]  
on ! res]vation1 & ! boys came & turn$ u
 head d[n & feet up 9 ! wat] & want$ to 
dr[n u1 b x seem$ t ?r\gh ,provid5ce ,i 
0 once m sav$ f be+ de/roy$ by ^!       
blood-?ir/y m54 ,^u our return1 we f\nd 
! tailor-%op flood$4 ,?is 0 report$ to !
 comm&]1 b no action 0 tak5 9 reg>d to  
?is or any o!r case ( p]secution4  ,we  
decid$ to des]t ! army aft] pay-day4 ,:5
 pay-day came1 ,i _h com+ to me ab\t    
#bjj f ! tailor-%op & #ac z pay = ! mon?
 f ! army1 b out ( ! #bjj ,i collect$   
only ab\t #gj4 ,t aft]noon we walk$ to  
,lawton1 ,oklahoma1 to get ! tra9 f !re 
to ,/4 ,l\is4 ,^u our arrival at ,/4    
,l\is1 ! o!r man got a job1 & ,i wrote  
to my uncle 9 ,*icago1 :o s5t me a      
ticket to come to ,*icago4 ,:5 ,i arriv$
 !re1 he advis$ me to g to ,canada &    
said t he w\ld support me all ! "t t ,i 

0 !re1 z !y w\ld appreh5d me 9 ! ,unit$ 
,/ates = a des]t]4  ,i w5t to ,canada1 b
 0 /ill 9 mu* di/ress4 ,"s "t lat] ,i _h
 a desire to leave ,vanc\v]1 ,briti%    
,columbia1 & g ov] ! bord] into ! ,/ate 
( ,wa%+ton1 b w5t "u ! assum$ "n (      
,fri$man4 ,:ile "u t "n ,i look$ = a    
position1 b c\ld n f9d "o2 s ,i cabl$ to
 my p>5ts = money & two weeks aft]w>d ,i
 receiv$ en\gh money to op5 up a little 
/ore4 ,i took = my next "n ,feldman4 ,i 
op5$ a book-/ore1 b )9 ?ree mon?s ,i lo/
 almo/ #c1jjj4 ,!n ,i left ,seattle1    
,wa%+ton1 = ,tacoma "u ! "n ,gray4      
,?ree weeks lat] ,i left ,tacoma =      
,portl&1 ,oregon1 "u ! "n ( ,grayson1   
:]e ,i look$ up a fri5d ( m9e4 ,he 0 at 
t "t manag] ( ! ,oregon ,hotel4 ,! next 
morn+ ,i 0 m mis]able ?an ev] be=e &    
?\ght t ,i 0 sick4 ,! night prec$+ ,i   
relat$ to my fri5d all my tr\bles1 ) !  
exception ( my be+ a des]t] f ! army4   
,:ile ,i 0 look+ = a *>ity physician :o 
c\ld give me some?+ to relieve my       
di/ress & tr\ble1 ,i f\nd a ,salvation  

,army man & ask$ him if he knew ( any   
physician :o work$ = *>ity & w\ld give  
me treatm5t4 ,he told me t he _h a fri5d
 :o 0 a physician & :o 0 a lov] ( ,jewi%
 p4 ,?is 0 ! fir/ "t t ,i ev] he>d t a  
,*ri/ian lov$ a ,jew4  ,i w5t to ! (fice
 ( ! doctor1 ^: "n 0 ,e/ock1 & he gave  
me a cordial welcome4 ,putt+ 8 "r h& on 
my "r wri/ & 8 left h& ar\nd my neck1 he
 said t he lov$ ! ,jews because 8       
,savior 0 a ,jew & t he 0 glad ,god _h  
s5t me to 8 (fice 9 answ] to 8 pray]s4  
,i 0 dumbf\nd$ & unable to answ]4 ,!    
doctor said1 ,y d n ne$ a physician =   
y\r body1 b y ne$ ! ,"l ,jesus to heal  
y\r s\l1 = y\r tr\ble is ) y\r s\l1 & ! 
,"l ,jesus is able to save y f y\r      
di/ress & tr\bles4 ,he gave me a little 
bottle & said3 ,"h is a little m$ic9e1 b
 y d n ne$ x4 ,! only ?+ t w help y is  
pray]1 & ,i w 'phone to my wife & ask h]
 to pray = y1 & ,i w also pray = y4 ,?is
 w be ! only way y w get peace4  ,! next
 morn+ z ,i 0 (f]+ my ?anks to him he   
said1 ,d n ?ank me1 b ?ank ,god t he s5t

 8 only begott5 ,son1 t ?r\gh him su*   
poor unwor?y p z we %\ld be sav$ ?r\gh 8
 love4  ,:at c ?is mean8 ,i answ]$4 ,is 
!re a ,god t w love su* a man z ,i      
am8--a man :o curses him8 a man t /amp$ 
8 ,bible "u 8 feet & f\ght aga9/ him8   
,is x true t he w love me s8  ,! doctor 
answ]$1 ,he di$ = su* m5 z y1 t he might
 save y4 ,he fur!r said3 ,my h\se       
belongs to ! ,"l1 & ,i owe ev]y?+ to    
him4 ,! ,god ( ,abraham & ,isaac is my  
,god1 & ! ,god ( ,david & also !        
,prophets4 ,he is my ,god1 & he is y\r  
,god1 :e!r y want him or n2 & ,i beg y  
to come ) me to my h\se4  ,x is         
impossible = me to g into y\r h\se1 ,i  
answ]$1 because ,i d n believe t !re is 
a ,god1 & if !re is "o1 ,i am unwor?y to
 g into su* a h\se4  ,he plead$ ) me    
fur!r to g1 & ,i w5t ) him4 ,i liv$ at !
 doctor's h\se = ?irty days4 ,we _h !   
/ronge/ argum5ts on ,scriptures1 he try+
 to prove to me t ,jesus is ! ,messiah t
 came to save 8 p f s94 ,i contradict$ e
 ^w ( 8 ) ! ,old ,te/am5t ,scriptures4  

,on ! ?irtie? day 9 ! doctor's h\se ,i 0
 m vile ?an ev] be=e4 ,i got up 9 !     
morn+ look+ = ! fir/ *ance to get ev5 ) 
! doctor because ( 8 p]si/5ce 9 m5tion+ 
! ,"l ,jesus on e occasion4 ,:5 ,i came 
d[n-/airs1 !y 7 ready = breakfa/4 ,i sat
 at ! table brew+ )9 myself1 full (     
hatr$1 malice1 & bitt]ness aga9/ !m     
because ( _! hold+ up to me ! ,"l ,jesus
 z my only ,savior4 ,:ile at ! table ,i 
c\ld n )hold my bitt]ness1 & :5 !y read 
! ,scriptures aft] ! meal1 ,i began to  
laugh1 mock1 & curse1 call+ !m all k9ds 
( vile names4  ,:ile ,i 0 do+ ?is !y w5t
 d[n on _! knees to pray z !y did e     
morn+4 ,look+ up to me1 ! doctor said1  
,my fri5d1 if y w n respect ,god nor    
respect me z y\r only & p]sonal fri5d 9 
! city1 = ! ,"l's sake respect ?is h\se1
 = ?is h\se is consecrat$ unto ,god4    
,^! words sank deep into my he>t1 & ,i  
kneel$ d[n /ill ) bitt]ness 9 my he>t   
aga9/ ,jesus & ! doctor4 ,:ile ,i 0 d[n 
on my knees1 ,i 0 curs+1 mock+ at !m &  
_! ,"l4 ,! doctor pray$ fir/1 !n 8 wife1

 & !n 8 little boy1 :o said1 ,"l ,jesus1
 y h promis$ to save him2 won't y save  
him8  ,^! words broke my he>t1 & ,i     
began cry+1 ,if !re is a ,god1 come &   
prove y\rself4 ,! c>pet ar\nd me 0 wet )
 ! te>s :i* ,i _h %$ 9 cry+ = ,god to   
come & prove himself4 ,i felt )9 myself 
a love = ! ,"l ,jesus & soon _h a liv+  
fai? t ! ,"l ,jesus di$ = me & t ?r\gh 8
 dea? ,i 0 sav$4 ,aft] ,i rose f my     
knees1 ! doctor1 8 wife1 & ! little boy 
/ood ) eyes full ( te>s1 rejoic+ ) me t 
!re 0 p[] 9 ! blood ( ,jesus ,*ri/ to   
save su* a vile s9n] z ,i 04  ,"o h\r   
lat] ,i left ! h\se ( ! doctor to tell  
my fri5d1 ! manag] ( ! hotel1 t ! ,"l   
,jesus 0 n[ my ,savior & t he _h sav$ me
 f my s9s4 ,he took a heavy *unk ( wood 
& hit me on my "r side1 ne>ly break+ my 
ribs4  ,i said1 ,may ,god =give y = ?is 
& n hold x aga9/ y1 :ile ! te>s 7 /ream+
 d[n my face4 ,?is is ! fir/ "t 9 my    
life t ,i ev] said to any "o1 ,may ,god 
bless y6 ,!n ,i said to him1 ,if x 7    
only ye/]day t y _h done ?is to me1 ,i  

w\ld h kill$ y2 b n[ ! ,"l ,jesus has   
tak5 ang] out ( my he>t1 & ,i w endeavor
 to pray = y t ,god may h m]cy ^u y4    
,walk+ out ( 8 hotel crippl$ z ,i 0 &   
hold+ my side ) my h&1 ,i said aga91    
,god bless y6  ,:ile walk+ d[n ! /reet1 
,i saw a company ( mission work]s on !  
corn] ( ,jeff]son & ,wa%+ton ,av5ues4 ,i
 pu%$ myself ?r\gh ! cr[d1 see+ t !re 7 
"s ,jews !re1 & ,i began to prea* to my 
own p = ! fir/ "t t ! only way (        
salvation is ?r\gh ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4  
,9 answ]1 !re came rott5 eggs & rott5   
tomatoes at my head & body until ,i 0   
cov]$ f head to foot4  ,aft] ! meet+ ,i 
walk$ on s++ a song & rejoic+ t ! ,"l   
,jesus _h se5 fit to save su* a poor    
s9n] z ,i 04 ,?us end$ my fir/ day z a  
conv]t4 ,i ?ank ,god = ! fir/ pay ,i ev]
 receiv$ 9 ! gospel--a crippl$ side &   
rott5 eggs4 ,i cont9u$ to prea* ! gospel
 to my p 9 ,portl& = sev]al days4  ,?ree
 days aft] my conv]sion1 :ile ,i 0 on my
 knees pray+1 x occurr$ to me t ,i _h   
bett] write to my relatives & tell !m   

:at love ! ,"l ,jesus _h = me1 & t he _h
 di$ to save !m z well z me1 & t he 0 ! 
only true ,messiah4 ,i reason$ = sev]al 
days aga9/ ?is2 b at la/ ,i _h to write1
 because ,i saw t ! ,"l 0 on "o side &  
my relatives on ! o!r side1 & t ,i _h to
 *oose betwe5 !m4 ,s ,i wrote to !m1    
s5d+ to ea* a sep>ate lett] tell+ !m t  
,jesus 0 my ,savior & t he is ! only &  
true ,messiah4  ,sometime aft] ?is1     
answ] came f my relatives t !y c\ld n   
believe t !re 0 any p[] to save me1     
because1 if ,i c\ld leave my fir/       
pr9ciples & leave my own p1 ! tea*+ :i* 
,i 0 br\ght up "u & drift s f> away z to
 curse ,god1 !y did n believe !re 0 any 
p[] to save me4 ,i kept s5d+ !m         
,te/am5ts & ,gospels1 b /ill !y c\ld n  
believe4  ,"o day ,i w5t to see my si/] 
& told h] ! tru?4 ,%e at fir/ did n     
believe me1 b ,i ask$ h] to att5d a     
/reet-meet+ :i* ,i 0 to hold1 & %e he>d 
me prea* ,*ri/4 ,%e !n wrote to my "m1  
:o began to grieve h]self to dea?       
because ,i _h accept$ ! ,"l ,jesus = my 

,savior4 ,!n !y wrote me diff]5t lett]s 
& 7 pati5t ) me1 ?9k+ t !y w\ld w9 me   
back to ,judaism4 ,:5 !y saw !re 0 no   
hope ( gett+ me back1 !y 7 done ) me4   
,on "o occasion :ile /&+ 9 ! /reet &    
prea*+1 !re came a ?\ght to me ) great  
=ce1 ,if ! au?orities get y = a des]t]1 
:at w y d8 ,?is "q tr\bl$ me s t ,i c\ld
 n cont9ue my meet+s4 ,i w5t to !       
doctor's (fice & said to him1 ,dr4      
,e/ock1 d y "k :at !y d to a p]son t has
 des]t$ ! ,unit$ ,/ates ,army8  ,!y give
 him ?ree or f\r ye>s 9 ! milit>y       
p5it5ti>y1 he answ]$4  ,d y "k t ,i am a
 des]t] f ! ,unit$ ,/ates ,army8  ,he   
look$ at me puzzl$ & said1 ,h[ c ?is be8
  ,x is true1 & ,i mu/ give myself up to
 ! army au?orities be=e !y get me &     
disgrace my belief 9 ! ,"l ,jesus4  ,i  
propos$ giv+ myself up ! next day1 b !  
doctor told me to be 9 no ha/e & said he
 w\ld ask sev]al p ( ,god to pray = me  
to le>n :at ! m9d ( ,god 0 be=e ,i took 
ano!r /ep4 ,aft] a few days !y came to !
 conclusion t !y w\ld s5d me to ,canada1

 :]e ,i %\ld be out ( ! jurisdiction ( !
 ,unit$ ,/ates & %\ld be free4 ,?9k+ t  
?is (f] 0 ( ! ,"l1 ,i accept$ x & left =
 ,toronto1 ,canada4 ,^u my arrival at   
,toronto ,i felt ! ,"l speak+ to me &   
say+1 ,! m y run away f my law1 ! m     
mis]able y w feel4 ,g back to ! ,unit$  
,/ates4  ,?is 0 :ile ,i 0 9 ! hotel at  
night & c\ld n sleep4 ,i felt v mis]able
 to "k t ! /ep ,i _h tak5 9 com+ to     
,toronto 0 n ,god's w & 9 8 ord]4 ,i _h 
only #c4aj 9 my possession4 ,9 ! morn+  
,i w5t to ! ticket-(fice to inquire h[  
mu* x co/ to g to ,buffalo4 ,!y told me 
x w\ld co/ #c4aj4 ,i !n pur*as$ a ticket
 = ,buffalo4 ,:5 ,i arriv$ ,i telegraph$
 to ! doctor1 /at+ t ,i 0 glad t ,i _h  
come back to ! ,unit$ ,/ates to give    
myself up to ! army au?orities4 ,!      
doctor repli$ by telegraph1 /at+ t ,i 0 
out ( ,god's w & ord] 9 com+ back to !  
,unit$ ,/ates to give myself up1 & t    
!re=e he c\ld n h fell[%ip ) me any m4  
,bitt]ly weep+ ov] ! message1 ,i said to
 myself1 ,n[ ! only fri5d ,i h is gone4 

,b ?is promise enc\rag$ me1 t my ,god   
w\ld nev] turn aga9/ me nor =sake me4   
,!re ,i 01 left )\t a fri5d & )\t money 
9 my pockets to procure a night's lodg+4
  ,z x 0 bitt]ly cold1 ,i pray$ to ! ,"l
 t he w\ld s5d somebody along t w\ld    
take me home ) him4 ,z ,i 0 pray+1 a man
 pass$ by1 & ,i ask$ him if he knew :e!r
 !re 0 any *ild ( ,god 9 ! city4 ,he    
said a woman :o 0 8 neighbor 0 a *ild ( 
,god1 & he took me to h] home4 ,x 0 true
 t %e 0 a *ild ( ,god & h] home a godly 
"o4  ,soon aft] ?is ,i w5t to           
,pittsburg1 & ! ,"l op5$ up ! he>ts ( a 
few ,jewi% p1 :o s5t me to ,wa%+ton4 ,z 
,i walk$ up to ! b>racks1 fe> came ov]  
me1 & ,i decid$ to g to ,baltimore1 :]e 
,i rema9$ ) a ,jewi% mission>y until !  
la/ ( ,april4 ,!n ,i return$ to         
,wa%+ton1 w5t to ! comm&+ (fic]1        
,lieut5ant-,colonel ,langfitt1 & told   
him :y ,i 0 giv+ myself up4  ,he said3  
,are y a ,jew & a believ] 9 ,jesus8 ,are
 y will+ to give y\rself up = 8 sake8 ,d
 y "k :at x means to give y\rself up8 ,x

 means ?ree or f\r ye>s 9 ! p5it5ti>y & 
to be di%onorably dis*>g$4  ,i told him 
t ,i w\ld gladly d any?+ to make ?is    
matt] "r be=e man & be=e ,god4  ,i am   
also a ,jew1 he repli$1 & ,i d n "k h[ y
 c believe 9 ,jesus & suff] ^! ?+s = 8  
sake4  ,!n he d\bt$ my be+ a des]t]4 ,i 
begg$ him to put me 9 ! gu>d-h\se & to g
 & inve/igate ! matt]4  ,he said1 ,i wi%
 t ,i _h ! p[] to set y free n[2 b y are
 too honorable a man to call ! gu>d to  
take y to ! gu>d-h\se1 & s ,i w walk !re
 ) y myself4  ,^u com+ to ! gu>d-h\se1  
he call$ ! s]geant ( ! gu>d & said1     
,s]geant1 d n se>* ?is boy1 = ,i "k t he
 w n take 9 any?+ b t :i* is lawful4    
,he !n ask$ me :e!r ,i want$ to /ay 9 ! 
big cell ) ! re/ ( ! prison]s or g into 
"o small cell by myself4 ,i ask$ him =  
"o by myself s t ,i might /udy ! ,bible4
  ,:5 he 0 bidd+ me good-by1 he said3 ,=
 ! fir/ "t ,i %ake a prison]'s h&1 & ,i 
mu/ say t ,i d n look ^u y z a prison] b
 z ! mo/ honorable man t we h 9 ?is po/1
 & ,i mu/ confess t y h done a mo/      

honorable ?+ 9 ! sight ( man & ,god1 &  
,i w help y ) all t lies )9 my p[] to   
make ev]y?+ easy = y4  ,! next morn+ !  
lieut5ant-colonel came into ! gu>d-h\se 
ask+ = me4 ,:5 ,i came ne> ! door1 he   
rea*$ out 8 h& & grasp$ m9e1 say+1      
,nei!r my wife nor ,i h slept dur+ !    
night1 & ,i h decid$ to recomm5d y = a  
ye>'s clem5cy1 s t y w h only two ye>s  
to s]ve4  ,x did n s\nd v good to me1 b 
,i w5t into ! gu>d-h\se & pray$4 ,!     
?\ght came to me1 ,c y n tru/ ! ,"l to  
c>ry y ?r\gh all ^! difficulties8 ,i    
said to myself1 ,yes1 ,i leave all 9 !  
h&s ( ! ,"l4  ,aft] a few weeks ! c\rt 0
 detail$4 ,! presid5t ( ! c\rt 0 ,capta9
 ,koe/]1 :o1 ,i 0 in=m$1 0 an infidel4  
,! next man ( 8 c\rt1 ,capta9 ,ottwell1 
0 a ,*ri/ian ,sci5ti/1 & ! re/ ( ! c\rt1
 includ+ elev5 (fic]s1 7 ,roman         
,ca?olics4 ,!y detail$ ,lieut5ant       
,rockwell to be my c\nsel = def5se4 ,he 
came up to ! c\rt-h\se & said3  ,y are a
 ,jew1 are y n8  ,yes4  ,& y believe 9  
,jesus ,*ri/1 d y n8  ,yes4  ,i h no use

 = ,jews1 especially = a turncoat1 & ,i 
w see t y get ! limit ( ! c\rt4  ,?is   
broke me all up1 & ,i said1 ,lieut5ant1 
if y c1 ,god w let y g ahead4  ,i !n    
walk$ into my cell & knelt d[n to pray1 
brok5-he>t$4 ,! scripture came to me1   
,fe> !m n2 = ,i ! ,"l ?y ,god %all fight
 = y4 ,i rejoic$ to "k t ! ,"l 0 fight+ 
my battles & t he w\ld d x well4 ,?irte5
 days aft]w>ds ,i 0 tri$4  ,:5 ,i came  
to ! c\rt1 ! lieut5ant came to me ) a   
piece ( pap] 9 8 h& & said3 ,i am sorry 
= ! words :i* ,i spoke to y1 b ,i h     
suff]$ = !m1 & ) ,god's help ,i w       
recomm5d y to clem5cy4 ,! same ,"l t    
sav$ y has also sav$ me4  ,! judge ( !  
c\rt ask$ me :at ,i w\ld plead to !     
*>ge4  ,i plead guilty to ! *>ge (      
des]tion & violation ( ! =ty-sev5?      
article ( w>4  ,he ask$ me aga9 if ,i   
knew :at x meant to plead guilty4 ,i    
answ]$ t ,i knew4  ,he !n ask$ me :at my
 plea on ! specification ( ! =ty-sev5?  
article ( w> 04  ,guilty1 ,i answ]$4    
,he said to ! c\rt1 ,i want to make pla9

 to ?is boy ! solemnity ( ^! *>ges1 t he
 may "k ! consequ5ces !re(4 ,he !n ask$ 
me if ,i _h any pleas to make4  ,i told 
him no1 & repeat$ ! scripture t ! ,"l _h
 giv5 me3 ,fe> !m n2 = ,i ! ,"l ?y ,god 
%all fight = y4 ,i said1 ,i fe> y n1 =  
my ,"l w fight = me & w deliv] me4  ,!n 
! c\nsel = ! def5se arose & made ?is    
/atem5t3  ,fell[ ,(fic]s3 ,y all "k :at 
a bitt] man ,i 0 aga9/ ! ,jews4 ,y "k t 
,i 0 n go+ to make any plea1 b to let   
?is boy get all t ! c\rt c\ld give him1 
& be sorry aft]w>ds t ! c\rt c\ld n give
 him m4 ,b ! same ,god t he s]ves tr\bl$
 me & made me sick1 z y "k1 until ,i    
realiz$ t ! same ,god mu/ be my ,god & !
 same ,savior my ,savior2 & fur!rmore1 !
 same ,jesus t sav$ ?is ,jewi% boy has  
sav$ me also4  ,! c\rt 0 greatly        
surpriz$1 b my c\nsel w5t on fur!r & h&$
 ! c\rt a pap] & expla9$ v]bally !      
diff]5t reasons = 8 pleas until te>s    
came to ! eyes ( ,capta9 ,koe/]1 ,capta9
 ,ottwell1 & ! diff]5t memb]s ( ! c\rt4 
,f\r ( ! wor/ (fic]s arose & recomm5d$  

me = eighte5 mon?s' clem5cy & ?irte5    
doll>s a mon? f9e & re9/atem5t to duty4 
,! recomm5dation ( ! c\rt 0 s5t to !    
,dep>tm5t ,comm&] ( ! ,ea/1             
,major-,g5]al ,leon>d ,a4 ,woods1 :o    
e>ne/ly consid]$ ! case1 accord+ to 8   
/atem5t1 = sev]al h\rs1 n kn[+ :at to d4
 ,he also express$ himself by say+ t if 
he _h full p[] to release me1 he w\ld   
gladly d s1 )\t any puni%m5t4 ,also1    
?r\gh pray] & petitions to ! ,"l ! case 
rea*$ ,presid5t ,taft1 !                
,adjutant-,g5]al ( ! army1 & !n x rea*$ 
,brigadi]-,g5]al ,davis1 :o 0 !         
,judge-,advocate ,g5]al ( ! ,unit$      
,/ates ,army4 ,!y also _h notifi$ !     
,dep>tm5t ,comm&] to be z l5i5t z he    
c\ld be=e ! case _h rea*$ ! ,w>         
,dep>tm5t 9 ,wa%+ton4  ,9 fifte5 days   
aft] my trial1 ! s5t5ce came back       
approv$ by ! ,dep>tm5t ,comm&] = eighte5
 mon?s' clem5cy & ?irte5 doll>s' f9e a  
mon? & re9/atem5t to duty to s]ve out my
 enli/m5t4  ,:ile ,i 0 9 ! gu>d-h\se 9  
,wa%+ton ,b>racks1 ,di/rict ( ,columbia1

 s]v+ ! s5t5ce impos$ ^u me = ! *>ge    
h]et(ore m5tion$1 ,i 0 saw+ wood "o day1
 :5 a fell[ prison] hit me ) a piece (  
wood beh9d my e> & knock$ me d[n4 ,ab\t 
two mon?s lat] ?is prison] 0 sav$1 & !  
o!r prison]s became bitt] aga9/ me1 = !y
 believ$ t ,i 0 ! cause ( ! conv]sion ( 
"o ( ! wor/ m5 9 ! gu>d-h\se4 ,i le>n$  
lat] t a numb] ( ! (fic]s 7 conv]t$4    
,aft] ,i left ! ,wa%+ton ,b>racks1 ,i   
w5t to ,ft4 ,slocum1 ,new ,york4 ,f !re 
,i 0 s5t to ,ft4 ,%]idan1 :]e ,i 0      
assign$ to ,batt]y ,f1 ,fif? ,field     
,artill]y4 ,aft] ,i _h be5 !re two days1
 ,i ask$ p]mission ( ,lieut5ant ,osborn 
to hold religi\s s]vices 9 front ( !    
batt]y4 ,on acc\nt ( its be+ s cold1 he 
told me to g into ! pool-room & hold    
s]vices if ,i ?\ght my ,god 0 liv+4  ,i 
w5t into ! pool-room1 :]e !y 7 play+    
pool1 & began to prea* ! gospel4 ,two   
balls 7 ?r[n at me1 & ,i 0 also hit     
across ! back ) ! ?ick end ( a cue4 ,!y 
took me to ! hospital & aft] a %ort "t  
came back & said t ! ,jew w\ld n prea*  

,jesus ,*ri/ any m4 ,aft] ano!r week ,i 
felt impress$ to prea* ! gospel aga94   
,:ile ,i 0 prea*+1 ! cook came out ( !  
kit*5 ) a pail ( hot l>d & ?rew x on me4
 ,i 0 burn$ on bo? ( my h&s & arms4     
,:ile ,i 0 at ! hospital1 black poison  
set 91 & ! doctor said my arm mu/ be cut
 (f4 ,i told him t ,i w\ld n submit to  
any op]ation2 t z ,i suff]$ ?is = !     
gospel's sake1 ! ,"l w\ld heal my arm4  
,five weeks lat] he look$ at my arm1 z !
 poison 0 gett+ worse 9 my sy/em1 & he  
said1 ,if ,i d n cut (f ?is arm1 y are  
go+ to die f ! effects ( blood-poison+4 
,i said t ,i /ill _h fai? 9 ,god t he   
w\ld heal ?is arm = 8 glory4  ,:at *ur* 
d y belong to8 he inquir$4  ,i belong to
 ! *ur* ( ,god1 ,i answ]$4  ,y\r arm c n
 heal1 he repli$ & began to laugh4      
,sev]al days aft]w>d ! poison _h come up
 to my %\ld]4 ,:5 ! doctor saw x1 he    
said1 ,! only ?+ to d is to cut y\r arm 
(f at ! %\ld]4  ,i told him t ,i _h m   
fai? ?an ev] 9 ,god t he w\ld heal my   
arm1 ev5 aft] my :ole body %\ld be      

poison$4 ,i believ$ t ! ,"l w\ld heal me
 = 8 glory4  ,t night my fev] 0 #ajd1 & 
! doctor 0 call$4 ,he gave ord]s to put 
me into a ba?tub full ( ice-wat]1 b aft]
 ,i came out ,i 0 mu* worse1 & !y said  
,i c\ld n live ?r\gh ! night4 ,at five  
o'clock ! next morn+ a sudd5 *ange came 
& my arm turn$ a yell[i% color & !      
dis*>ge ceas$ little by little4 ,:5 !   
doctor came1 he said1 ,i _h ?\ght t !   
arm mu/ be cut (f1 b n[ x w get well4 ,9
 two weeks ,i 0 able to use my arm z    
well z ev] & 0 aga9 assign$ to duty4    
,aft] com+ out ( ! hospital ,i prea*$   
mu* m ! unse>*able ri*es ( ,*ri/1 = :i* 
at diff]5t times ,i 0 ca/ into prison4  
,! po/-comm&] ( ,ft4 ,%]idan told me t  
,i might j z well use ! gymnasium-hall  
to prea* ! gospel six nights 9 ! week4  
,:ile ,i prea*$ !re1 a numb] ( s\ls 7   
br\ght to ! ,"l4  ,:ile ,i 0 at ,ft4    
,%]idan1 a lett] came to me f my "m /at+
 t if ,i want$ to save h] life ,i %\ld  
turn back to ,judaism & =sake ! impo/or 
,jesus1 & t if ,i w\ld d ?is !y w\ld    

receive me back aga9 ) full honor1 z ,i 
0 defil$ be=e !m & ! only means to save 
h] life 0 = me to turn back f ?is hea!n 
belief4 ,i wrote h] z foll[s3  ,my ,de> 
,"m3 ,i h receiv$ y\r lett] & ?ank y v  
mu* = x4 ,i d really love y1 b my love =
 y n[ is mu* diff]5t ?an be=e4 ,i love y
 because ! ,"l ,jesus lov$ y & di$ = y4 
,yet if my accept+ ,jesus w n & c n save
 y f dy+1 !n my reject+ him w n save y  
ei!r1 & ,i c n =sake ! ,"l ,jesus4      
,ab\t two mon?s lat] ,i receiv$ a       
cable-message say+ t ! la/ words ( my "m
 71 ,my only son is ! cause ( my dea?4  
,aft] t p]iod !y made a burial s]vice1  
took all my little belong+s1 put !m 9 a 
casket & buri$ x1 & put a /one on !     
grave1 signify+ t ,i di$ on ,octob] #bi1
 #aijh4 ,aft] ?is !y m\rn$ = me = eight 
days4 ,n[ ?\gh ,i am suppos$ to be dead 
to my family & to my nation1 yet ,i am  
glad t ,i am alive = ,*ri/ & /ill prea*+
 ! unse>*able ri*es ( our ,"l & ,savior 
,jesus ,*ri/ to my own p z well z to !  
o!r nations4 ,! ,"l has enabl$ me to    

prea* free ( *>ge to any & e "o & to    
give unto !m freely ev5 z ,i h freely   
receiv$4 ,?is scripture has be5 v real  
to me s9ce t "t3 ,all ?+s "w toge!r =   
good to !m t love ,god1 to !m :o are !  
call$ accord+ to 8 purpose4  ,9 #aiab my
 fa!r di$1 leav+ me ( 8 l>ge e/ate five 
doll>s to buy a rope & soap to hang     
myself if ,i did n come back to         
,judaism4  ,! =ego+ acc\nt ( my         
conv]sion has be5 writt5 aft] ne>ly sev5
 ye>s ( exp]i5ce & prea*+ ! unse>*able  
ri*es ( ,*ri/ to my own p z well z to   
,g5tile p 9 ?is c\ntry1 9 ! ,isl&s ( !  
,azores1 9 ,spa91 ,france1 ,g]many1     
,italy1 ,syria1 ,egypt1 ,pale/9e1       
,greece1 & ,au/ria4  ,! mo/ bitt] p     
aga9/ ! gospel ,i h f\nd are my own p4  
,! gospel has be5 misrepres5t$ to !m1 & 
!y h n be5 made to realize ! he>t       
exp]i5ce4 ,!re are ov] #ab1jjj1jjj      
,jewi% p 9 ?is _w1 yet !re are v few    
fai?ful & tri$ mission>ies among/ !m to 
expla9 to !m ! way ( salvation4 ,h[ev]1 
! comp>atively little "w t has be5 done 

among/ !m has met ) l>ge results despite
 ! bitt] p]secution4 ,i am deeply       
enc\rag$ & com=t$ to see h[ op5 &       
receptive !y are1 al?\gh !y bitt]ly     
p]secute ! "o :o comes 9 ! "n ( ! ,"l4  
,saul ( ,t>sus 0 a great p]secutor (    
,*ri/ianity1 b f9ally yield$ & became a 
true foll[] ( ,jesus ,*ri/4  ,may ,god  
help u z ,*ri/ians to see our great     
privilege 9 giv+ ! ,jews ! gospel &     
pray+ = !m t _! bl9dness may dep>t & t  
!y may see t ! ,"l ,jesus is ! only way1
 ! tru?1 & ! light4     ,among          
,mohamm$ans 9 ,egypt  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb]
 #h   ,no?+ is said 9 ! ,new ,te/am5t   
ab\t ! p]sons :o fir/ relat$ ! /ory ( ! 
cross 9 ,egypt4 ,b !re is a univ]sal    
tradition t ! ,evangeli/ ,m>k w5t to    
,egypt & prea*$ ! gospel ) great success
 until he 0 m>tyr$ = ! "n ( ,jesus      
,*ri/4 ,8 head is believ$ by ! ,copts to
 h be5 buri$ 9 ! place :]e ! ,coptic    
,*ur* 9 ,alex&ria n[ /&s4 ,f ! records (
 hi/ory x is cle> t ! ,*ri/ian religion 
0 c>ri$ to ,egypt a few ye>s aft] !     

asc5sion ( our ,"l1 t _m 9 ,egypt       
accept$ ! new religion be=e ! close ( ! 
fir/ c5tury1 & t ! numb]s rapidly       
increas$ until ,egypt became ,*ri/ian & 
*ur*es fill$ ! l&4 ,abyss9ia1 too1 :e!r 
?r\gh ! ,e?iopian's return to 8 c\ntry  
aft] 8 baptism or ?r\gh o!rs1 also      
accept$ ! ,*ri/ian fai?1 & _m ( h] p    
reta9 ! ,*ri/ian "n & boldly def5d a =m 
( ,*ri/ian doctr9e to ?is day4  ,! *ur* 
9 ,egypt1 z we le>n f ! pages ( hi/ory1 
pass$ ?r\gh ! fires ( p]secution z o!r  
*ur*es did 9 ! ,roman ,empire1 & _m     
suff]$ m>tyrdom = _! unwill+ness to d5y 
,him :o r$eem$ !m ) 8 preci\s blood4 ,! 
p]secution 9 ,egypt especially 0 sev]e 9
 ! reign ( ,diocletian4 ,miln] says on !
 au?ority ( ,eusebius3 ,egypt suff]$    
extremely4 ,:ole families 7 put to v>i\s
 k9ds ( dea?2 "s by fire1 o!rs by wat]1 
o!rs by decollation1 aft] horrible      
tortures4 ,"s p]i%$ by fam9e1 o!rs by   
crucifixion1 & ( ^!1 "s 9 common mann]4 
,o!rs 7 fa/5$ ) _! heads d[nw>ds &      
pres]v$ alive t !y might die by hung]4  

,sometimes t51 at o!r times ?irty1      
sixty1 & once a hundr$ m5 & wom5 ) _!   
*ildr51 7 murd]$ 9 "o day by v>i\s      
torm5ts4 ,& !re 0 /ill ! appe>ance ( joy
 among !m4 ,!y lov$ ,*ri/ above all1 &  
bravely z well z humbly met dea? =      
,*ri/'s sake4  ,b z ! ye>s pass$ on1    
great importance 0 laid on fa/+1        
h]mitage1 & image-wor%ip1 & little by   
little !y lo/ sight ( ! m]its ( ,*ri/'s 
life1 suff]+s1 & dea?4 ,today ! majority
 ( ! ,copts are f> away f ! gospel      
purity ( doctr9e & are b\nd ) ! *a9s (  
sup]/ition1 & ne$ help to loos5 !mselves
 f su* *a9s t !y may enjoy ! light &    
lib]ty ( ! gospel4   ,,! ,,real ,,"* ,,(
 ,,islam  ,! population ( ,egypt today  
is #ab1jjj1jjj1 ( :i* #ij p] c5t are    
foll[]s ( ,mohamm$4 ,mohamm$anism ent]$ 
,egypt 9 #fch ,a4,d41 & f t "t x has    
cont9u$ to be ! prevail+ religion4 ,i w 
n[ m5tion briefly ! e?ics (             
,mohamm$anism 9 ord] to give ! read] "s 
idea ab\t ! pollution1 corruption1      
brutality1 & wick$ness t exi/ among !   

adh]5ts ( ?is false religion4  ,islam1  
says ,adolph ,wuttke1 f9ds its place 9 !
 hi/ory ( ! religi\s & moral _s1 n z a  
vital organic memb]1 b z viol5tly       
int]rupt+ ! c\rse ( ?is hi/ory1 & :i* is
 to be reg>d$ z an attempt ( hea!nism to
 ma9ta9 itself erect "u an outw>d       
mono!i/ic =m aga9/ ,*ri/ianity4  ,!     
e?ics ( ,islam be> ! "* ( an outw>dly & 
crudely conceiv$ doctr9e ( righte\sness4
 ,consci5ti\sness 9 ! sph]e ( ! social  
relations1 fai?fulness to conviction &  
to "o's ^w1 & ! br++ ( an action into   
relation to ,god are its bright po9ts2 b
 !re is a lack ( he>t-dep? ( a bas+ ( ! 
moral 9 love4 ,! highe/ good is !       
outw>dly & v s5su\sly conceiv$ happ9ess 
( ! individual4  ,among ,islamites !    
pot5cy ( s9 is n recogniz$2 evil is only
 an individual1 n a hi/orical1 p[]2 h5ce
 !re is no ne$ ( r$emption1 b only (    
p]sonal works on ! basis ( prophetic    
in/ruction4 ,mohamm$ is only a tea*]1 n 
an aton]4 ,god & man rema9 /rictly      
ext]nal to & sep>ate f ea* o!r4 ,god1 no

 less individually conceiv$ ( ?an man1  
comes into no real communion ) man2 & z 
moral1 acts n z influ5c$ by su* a       
communion1 b only z an isolat$          
individual4 ,! ideal basis ( ! moral is 
fai? 9 ,god & 9 8 ,prophet2 ! moral     
life1 conceiv$ z ma9ly consi/+ 9 ext]nal
 works1 is n a fruit ( receiv$          
salvation1 b a means = ! atta9m5t ( !   
same4 ,pi\s works1 p>ticul>ly pray]1    
fa/+1 & almsgiv+1 & pilgrimage to       
,mecca1 "w salvation directly (         
!mselves4 ,man has no?+ to receive f    
,god b ! ,^w1 & no?+ to d = ,god b good 
works2 ( inn] sanctification !re is no  
?\ght4 ,?us1 among ,islamites today we  
f9d1 in/ead ( true humility1 only pr\d  
"w-righte\sness4 ,no?+ b ! enjoym5t (   
w9e1 ( sw9e-fle%1 ( ! blood ( /rangl$   
animals1 & games ( *ance are =bidd54    
,aft] ?is summ>y ( ! real "* (          
,mohamm$an e?ics1 an acc\nt ( its       
practical tea*+ & effect w make !       
picture m vivid to ! read]1 al?\gh /ill 
d>k]4   ,,! ,,moslem ,,idea ,,( ,,s9    

,moslem doctors def9e s9 z a consci\s   
act ( a responsible be+ aga9/ kn[n law4 
,!y divide s9 into great & little s9s4  
,"s say !re are sev5 great s9s3         
idolatry1 murd]1 false *>ges ( adult]y1 
wa/+ ! sub/ance ( orphans1 tak+ int]e/  
on money1 des]tion f ,jihad1 &          
disob$i5ce to p>5ts4 ,mohamm$ himself   
said1 ,! greate/ ( s9s be=e ,god is t y 
call ano!r l unto ! ,god :o creat$ y1 or
 t y murd] y\r *ild f an idea t he or %e
 w eat y\r victuals1 or t y commit      
adult]y ) y\r neighbor's wife4  ,all s9s
 except great ones are easily =giv51 z  
,god is m]ciful & clem5t4 ,:at ,allah   
7,god7 all[s is n s94 ,:at ,allah or 8  
,prophet =bids is s91 ev5 %\ld he =bid  
:at seems "r to ! consci5ce4 ,x is z    
great an (f5se to pray ) unwa%$ h&s z to
 tell a lie1 & pi\s ,moslems :o nightly 
break ! sev5? comm&m5t w %r9k f a t9 (  
,engli% meat = fe> !y w be defil$ by    
eat+ sw9e's fle%4 ,oh1 :at ignorance6 ,!
 false prophet ,mohamm$ said3 ,"o c5t ( 
usury :i* a man takes = 8 money is m    

griev\s ?an ?irty-six =nications1 &     
:osoev] has done s is wor?y ( hell-fire4
 ,allah is m]ciful 9 w9k+ at ! s9s ( 8  
favorites 7! prophets & ^? :o fight 8   
battles71 b is a quick av5g] ( all      
infidels & idolat]s4   ,,! ,,l[ ,,ideal 
,,( ,,"* ,,( ,,islam  ,a /ream c n rise 
high] ?an its s\rce4 ,! measure ( !     
moral /ature ( ,mohamm$ is ! s\rce &    
f\ndation ( all moral ideas ( ,islam4 ,8
 conduct is ! /&>d ( "*4 ,we ne$ n be   
surpriz$1 !re=e1 t ! e?ical /&>d is s l[
 among 8 foll[]s4 ,raymond ,lull1 ! fir/
 mission>y to ,moslems1 us$ to %[ 9 8   
prea*+s t ,mohamm$ _h none ( ! sev5     
c>d9al virtues1 & 0 guilty ( ! sev5     
deadly s9s4 ,he may h gone too f>1 b x  
w\ld n be difficult to %[ t pride1 lu/1 
envy1 & ang] 7 prom95t traits 9 !       
,prophet's "*4  ,to take an example1 :at
 ,mohamm$ taught reg>d+ tru?fulness is  
conv9c+4 ,!re are two au!nticat$ say+s (
 8 giv5 9 ! traditions on ! subject (   
ly+3 ,:5 a s]vant ( ,god tells a lie1 8 
gu>dian angels move away to ! di/ance ( 

a mile because ( ! badness ( its smell4 
,v]ily a lie is all[able 9 ?ree         
cases--to wom51 to reconcile fri5ds1 & 9
 w>4 ,x is no wond]1 !n1 t among !      
,prophet's foll[]s & imitators          
tru?-tell+ is "o ( ! lo/ arts & t p]jury
 is too common to be notic$4 ,z ,i pass 
9 ! /reets ( ,cairo1 _m times ,i he> !  
,moslems utt] ! ^w1 b'ism ,allah1 9 ! "n
 ( ,god1 :ile ! speak] kn[s v well t 8  
words are altoge!r a lie4  ,!re are     
c]ta9 ?+s :i* ! e?ics ( ,islam all[1 (  
:i* x is also necess>y to write4 ,!y    
exi/1 n 9 spite ( ,islam1 b because (   
,islam1 & because ( ! tea*+s ( its sacr$
 book4   ,,polygamy1 ,,divorce1 ,,&     
,,slav]y  ,^! ?ree evils are s closely  
int]tw9$ ) ! ,mohamm$an religion1 its   
book1 & its prophet1 t !y c nev] be     
:olly ab&on$ )\t do+ viol5ce to ! tea*+ 
( ! ,koran & ! example ( ,mohamm$4  ,a  
,moslem :o lives up to 8 privileges &   
foll[s ! example ( _! sa9ts c h f\r     
wives & any numb] ( slave concub9es2 c  
divorce at 8 pleasure2 c rem>ry 8       

divorc$ wives by a special1 ?\gh        
abom9able1 arrangem5t2 & 9 addition to  
all ?is1 if he belong to ! ,%iah sect he
 c contract m>riages = fun 7metaa71 :i* 
are tempor>y4 ,! ,koran p]mits a ,moslem
 to m>ry f\r legal wives1 & to h z _m   
concub9es1 or slave-girls1 z he c       
support4 ,9 ,turkey1 ,moslems call a    
woman c[4  ,9 ,islam1 m>riage is a k9d (
 slav]y2 = ! wife becomes ! slave       
7rakeek7 ( h] husb&1 & x is h] duty     
absolutely to obey him 9 ev]y?+ he      
requires ( h]1 except 9 :at is contr>y  
to ! laws ( ,islam4 ,wife-beat+ is all[$
 by ! ,koran4  ,! o!r e?ic1 :i* is mu*  
worse ?an all ! re/1 is slave-trade4    
,accord+ to ! ,koran1 slav]y & !        
slave-trade are div9e in/itutions4 ,f ! 
,koran we le>n t all male & female      
slaves1 ei!r m>ri$ or s+le1 tak5 z      
plund] 9 w> are ! lawful prop]ty ( !    
ma/]1 8 *attel4 ,slave-traffic is n only
 all[$ b legislat$ = by ,mohamm$an law &
 made sacr$ by ! example ( ! ,prophet4  
,= five hundr$ ye>s ,islam has be5      

supreme 9 ,turkey1 ! faire/ & ri*e/     
portion ( ! ,old ,_w1 & :at is ! result 
today8 ,! treasury is bankrupt2 progress
 is block$2 in/ead ( weal?1 univ]sal    
pov]ty2 in/ead ( comel9ess1 rags2 in/ead
 ( comm]ce1 begg>y4  ,su* are ! *ief    
t5ets & religi\s requirem5ts (          
,mohamm$ans 9 ,egypt1 ,turkey1 & 9 o!r  
c\ntries :]e ! p believe 9 ! ,koran4    
,*ri/ianity exi/s 9 ,turkey by a k9d (  
suff]ance4 ,! ,turks hate1 ridicule1    
fo/] pride & passion t[>d ,*ri/ians2 !  
ignorant populace are taught by _! le>n$
 m5 to reg>d !mselves inf9itely bett]   
?an any ,*ri/ian4 ,! mosques are g5]ally
 ! hotb$s ( fanaticism4 ,! usual mann] (
 speak+ ( ! ,*ri/ian 0 & /ill is to call
 him1 9 ,turkey1 ,imansig ,kev\r        
7unbeliev]72 9 ,egypt1 ,nasrani1        
7,naz>5e71 or ,ya d9 el kalb1 7y dog74  
,peace1 h>mony1 & happ9ess 9 ! homes (  
,mohamm$ans are ( a v transitory nature4
  ,mohamm$ans may be /$fa/ & unsw]v+ 9  
_! fai? & yet guilty ( "s ( ! mo/ he9\s 
crimes4 ,hav+ liv$ among !m1 ,i h _h _m 

opportunities to le>n ( _! trea*]y z    
well z ( _! /]l+ qualities4 ,!          
,mohamm$ans are 9 great ne$ ( ! gospel (
 ,jesus ,*ri/1 :i* is a gospel ( p>don1 
peace1 purity1 righte\sness1 & true     
wisdom4  ,not)/&+ ! fact t f _! e>lie/  
*ildhood _! ideas are p]v]t$ by _!      
traditions & false tea*+1 & _!          
consci5ces defil$ ?r\gh _! va9 religion1
 ! melt+ p[] ( ! ,_s ( ,god rea*es "s ( 
_! he>ts :5 ! gospel ( ,jesus ,*ri/ is  
prea*$4 ,_! lives ( deception br+ to !m 
_m a sn>e1 yet f among _! ranks 9 !     
,ori5t h come "s ( ! mo/ /aun* m9i/]s ( 
! gospel4 ,gross d>kness once reign$    
?r\gh\t ! l& ( ,egypt1 & n[ f]v5t pray]s
 are asc5d+ to ! ?rone ( ,god = ! light 
( ! gospel to drive ! spiritual d>kness 
f ! he>ts ( ! p4     ,a ,daught]'s ,fai?
 ,rew>d$  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #i   ,i 0  
br\ght up by ,*ri/ian p>5ts1 t is1 !y 7 
/rict *ur*-go+ p2 b ,i nev] knew :at x 0
 to h a *ange ( he>t1 ?\gh ,i fe>$ ,god 
& did at times try to draw ne> to him4  
,x 0 aft] ,i graduat$ f s*ool t ,i met  

^? :o believe 9 liv+ holy lives4 ,i 0 v 
mu* impress$ ) !m1 b ,i did n give my   
he>t to ,god at t "t4 ,i cont9u$ to meet
 !m & aft] "s mon?s became convict$ t ,i
 0 a s9n] & "u ! wra? ( ,god4 ,hav+     
att5d$ *ur* & ,sunday-s*ool f *ildhood1 
,i _h consid]$ myself a ,*ri/ian2 b :5 !
 ,bible /&>d 0 lift$ up be=e me1 ,i soon
 saw my true condition4  ,"o day :ile   
alone ,i yield$ myself fully to ,god1 & 
he receiv$ me into 8 family4 ,i did n "k
 at t "t1 ?\gh ,i 0 v happy 9 my        
new-f\nd love1 :at a treasure ,i _h     
really f\nd2 b ! eighte5 ye>s ,i h      
already sp5t 9 ,8 s]vice v]ifies to me t
 ! pa? ( ! righte\s %9e? m & m unto !   
p]fect day4  ,a _s ( love & gratitude   
begets a _s ( s]vice4 ,i want$ to d     
some?+ = ,god1 s began visit+ ! sick4   
,soon ,i felt a desire to g into ! "w ( 
! ,"l1 b ?is /ep 0 mu* oppos$ 9 my home1
 my family hav+ _h a life ( worldly     
honor mapp$ out = me4 ,i wait$1 hop+ a  
way w\ld op5 = me to g1 b x seem$ my    
fri5ds 7 becom+ m oppos$ to ! life ,i _h

 *os54 ,i 0 =c$ to leave home aga9/ !   
wi%es ( my fri5ds1 especially my de> "m1
 b ,i see m cle>ly n[ ?an ,i did !n t   
,god's h& 0 9 x & t he 0 lead+ me4  ,"m 
0 s displeas$ t %e took /eps to dis9h]it
 me1 b aft]w>ds1 ?r\gh ! p]suasion (    
o!rs1 %e rel5t$4 ,%e also =bade me !    
privilege ( return+ home1 b 9 ?is %e    
also rel5t$4 ,i wond]$ at ?is *ange 9 my
 de> "m1 :o 0 "o ( ! be/ ( mo!rs1 = ?is 
new life ,i _h receiv$ seem$ to h made a
 great gulf betwe5 u4 ,x c]ta9ly _h made
 a m>k$ *ange 9 ! once rebelli\s1       
self-will$ girl1 & ,i c\ld n und]/& :y  
my "m1 :o _h sp5t _m anxi\s mom5ts      
because ( my wilfulness1 0 n rejoic+    
in/ead ( oppos+ me4 ,i n[ see t my c\rse
 ?w>t$ h] worldly ambitions = me2 h5ce !
 bitt]ness4  ,i _h sp5t a numb] ( ye>s  
work+ = ! ,ma/]1 :i* 7 v pr(itable &    
b5eficial to my s\l4 ,to me x 0 l ,god's
 tra9+-college4 ,my "m came to visit me 
sometimes1 va9ly hop+ ,i w\ld return )  
h]4 ,%e told me t if ,i w\ld j return   
home %e w\ld buy me worldly vanities1   

su* z f9e dresses1 etc41 :i* ,i _h once 
lov$4 ,%e c\ld n und]/& :5 ,i told h] ,i
 did n want !m any m4 ,%e ev5 told me ,i
 c\ld receive ! att5tions ( a c]ta9 "y  
man :o = h] sake ,i _h once refus$4 ,b t
 fancy also _h be5 remov$ f> f me1 & ,i 
prais$ ,god z ,i expla9$ to h] :at a    
*ange _h be5 wr\ght 9 me4  ,ab\t "o ye> 
aft] ?is my "m _h a sev]e n]v\s attack4 
,%e came to :]e ,i 0 liv+1 say+ t %e    
want$ to make h] peace ) ,god & die4 ,"s
 m9i/]s & ,i _h pray] ) h]1 & ,god      
graci\sly p>don$ h] s\l4 ,oh ! joy t    
fill$ my he>t :5 ,i saw my de> "m humble
 h]self be=e ! ,"l6 ,%e n only receiv$  
p>don1 b receiv$ a div9e t\* 9 h] body  
also4 ,%e became a bold witness be=e all
 our fri5ds & relatives to :at ,god _h  
done = h]4 ,x seem$ %e c\ld nev] praise 
him en\gh4 ,?\gh %e 0 a woman ( v /rong 
"* & p]sonality1 %e became z g5tle &    
tea*able z a little *ild4 ,h] nature    
seem$ to be entirely *ang$4 ,:ile ,i    
write ?is1 te>s ( gratitude fl[ because 
( ! greatness ( ,god's salvation4 ,%e   

sp5t a few happy mon?s "h bel[1 & !n    
,god took h]4     ,mission>y ,exp]i5ces 
9 ,briti% ,we/ ,indies  ,,exp]i5ce      
,,numb] #aj   ,x 0 a w>m1 sultry morn+  
late 9 ,decemb]4 ,! tropical air 0      
sc>cely fann$ by a breeze4 ,! mission>y 
he>d ! peculi> tapp+ ( ! po/man at !    
gate & hurri$ to get 8 morn+ mail4 ,he  
took ! s+le lett] t 0 h&$ him1 & ) a    
pleasant nod to ! po/man broke ! seal z 
he /epp$ back to ! v]&a4  ,x 0 a long   
lett]2 s be=e read+ x ! man sank into a 
*air & glanc$ away to ! gleam+ sea2 b   
meet+ only ! dazzl+ light !re1 he let 8 
eyes re/ ^u ! di/ant blue-gre5 m\nta9s =
 a mom5t4 ,!n = "s "t he 0 occupi$ ) !  
cont5ts ( ?is l5g?y lett]4 ,x 0 writt5 9
 a neat1 s*ol>ly mann]1 & ! mission>y   
not$ x all z he read4  ,z he f9i%$      
read+1 a bright-fac$ woman came ?r\gh ! 
g>d5 ) a baby 9 h] arms4 ,come "h1      
,j5nie1 he said2 & 8 wife came quickly  
to him4 ,"h is a lett]1 ,j5nie1 t       
requires v c>eful answ]+4 ,y "k h[ busy 
,i am2 s ,i w commit ?is into y\r c>e4  

,?is p]son1 a ,mr4 ,k4 ,l4 ,jones1 has  
ask$ _m que/ions on ! *ur* & o!r po9ts (
 doctr9e4 ,he look$ up z he spoke1 &1   
f9d+ ! baby hold+ out its *ubby arms to 
him1 he took x & h&$ ! lett] to 8 wife4 
,?\ghtfully %e took x & began read+4 ,%e
 lov$ to write lett]s1 & ?is1 %e felt1 0
 h] special "p ( ! "w4 ,b "h %e p]ceiv$ 
%e _h a task t 0 v difficult2 = ! writ]1
 evid5tly a s*ol>1 _h put =? a doz5     
numb]$ que/ions t mu/ be c>efully answ]$
 or ?is de> s\l w\ld be h9d]$ f walk+ 9 
! tru?4 ,god w\ld give ! ne$$ wisdom1 %e
 knew1 & %e fold$ ! lett] back into its 
envelope & sat m$itat+ on ! diff]5t     
po9ts he _h rais$4 ,aft] a :ile1 %e     
ask$3  ,h[ 0 ! meet+ la/ night8  ,v     
good6 ,bro!r ,ow5 spoke1 & he did v well
 inde$4 ,he us$ ! text3 ',h]e9 is my    
,fa!r glorifi$1 t ye be> mu* fruit2 s   
%all ye be my disciples4' ,sev]al came  
=w>d = help aft]w>ds4 ,ah1 by ! way1 d y
 rememb] ,si/] ,tilton8 ,%e 0 out to    
meet+ la/ night4  ,si/] ,tilton8 ,%e mu/
 be a new si/]6  ,ah1 well1 p]haps we   

did n tell y ab\t h]4 ,?is "y girl came 
to meet+ once "s "t ago1 b aft]w>ds     
became v ill4 ,h] folks want$ ! doctor =
 h]1 b %e refus$1 n tell+ !m :y4 ,b z h]
 sickness increas$1 !y became al>m$ &   
insi/$ on call+ ! doctor4 ,b ! girl /ill
 refus$ ! m$ic9e4 ,! doctor said %e w\ld
 probably n live4 ,h] p begg$ to "k !   
reason = h] refusal to take ! m$ic9e1 & 
%e !n said t %e _h be5 to ! *ur* ( ,god 
meet+ & _h be5 made v happy1 & t %e     
believ$ if !y w\ld s5d = ! eld]s ( t    
*ur* %e %\ld be heal$4 ,s ^w came1 &    
,bro!r ,ow5 w5t & ano9t$ h] 9 accordance
 ) ,jas4 #e3ad1 #ae4 ,%e has be5 gett+  
bett] "r along1 & tonight %e 0 at !     
meet+4 ,%e is sav$ n[ & seems to h a    
cle> exp]i5ce4  ,?ank ,god6 0 ! he>ty   
response4 ,h[ ,i %\ld h lov$ to be at ! 
meet+ la/ night6--b = ! pres5t "h is my 
meet+1 & "h is my "w1 &1 cat*+ up ! baby
 & wav+ ! lett] happily1 %e ran into !  
h\se at ! s\nd ( *ildr5's voices )94    
,aft] ! baby _h be5 ba!d & put to sleep1
 & ! o!r *ildr5 7 sitt+ quietly at play 

on ! side v]&a1 ,si/] ,pati5ce settl$   
h]self ) h] ,bible at h] husb&'s desk to
 answ] ?is important lett]4 ,b[+ h] head
 %e bes\ght ,god = ?is s\l & = wisdom to
 answ] 8 difficult que/ions aright4 ,!n 
tak+ up h] p51 %e began ! lett]4 ,%e 0 s
 glad to write2 %e lov$ writ+2 & ! joy (
 x always seem$ to get into ! v lett]s &
 %9e back f ! pages4 ,%e address$ ,mr4  
,jones cordially & k9dly1 & !n took up !
 sub/ance ( ! lett] itself4 ,9 call+ 8  
att5tion to c]ta9 tru?s %e ref]r$ to !  
,bible "t aft] "t1 & aga9 & aga9 %e     
pray$1 = ! lett] seem$ p>ticul>ly       
important to h]4 ,long %e m$itat$ ov] "s
 ( ! knotty que/ions1 endeavor+ to f9d !
 wise/ explanation4 ,sometimes %e 0     
int]rupt$ by ! *ildr5 j :5 %e mo/ ne$$  
to be quiet2 b %e _h le>n$ t            
int]ruptions (t5 come z bless+s 9       
disguise1 = (t5 ,god _h giv5 ?\ghts t 7 
cle>] & bett] :5 %e _h pati5tly gone to 
att5d to ! *ildr51 & :5 %e 0 free to    
return to h] "w %e _h f\nd an answ]     
prep>+ itself 9 h] m9d )\t an ef=t on h]

 "p4 ,?us1 aft] sev]al h\rs ( close     
application1 %e f9i%$ ! lett] & s5t x (f
 ) a tru/+ _s4  ,si/] ,pati5ce hop$ to  
receive an answ] to h] lett] imm$iately1
 b week aft] week pass$1 & !re 0 no     
response4 ,dread began to creep ^u h] t 
?is s\l w\ld n accept ! tru?4 ,%e took  
him e>ne/ly to ,god _m times & tru/$ t  
,god w\ld 9 "s way ov]rule4 ,h[ev]1 z   
f\r mon?s pass$ & %e _h n he>d aga91 %e 
gave him ov] z be+ no long] int]e/$4    
,!n x 0 t "o morn+ !re came1 to h]      
surprize1 a lett] 9 ! same f9e h&writ+4 
,h[ cordially he wrote6 ,he ?ank$ h] =  
answ]+ ! =m] lett] s fully & said he _h 
be5 se>*+ & prov+ h] answ]s by ! ,^w    
dur+ ! long int]val4 ,& n[ !re 7 /ill a 
few po9ts rema9+ t he disagre$ ) h] ^u2 
aga9 %e f\nd a few numb]$ que/ions to   
answ]4  ,^!1 l ! fir/1 7 v %rewd1 puzzl+
 que/ions1 & only sagaci\s answ]s w\ld  
satisfy ! inquir]4 ,aga9 ,si/] ,pati5ce 
labor$ ov] ! lett] ) pray] & m$itation4 
,!n1 lean+ h>d ^u ,god1 %e wrote ano!r  
enc\rag+ lett] sett+ =? expositions (   

,scripture z cle>ly z possible4 ,?is "t 
%e invit$ h] correspond5t to a s]ies (  
meet+s !y 7 expect+ to hold dur+ ! com+ 
w9t] season1 :5 !y hop$ to h ) !m "o or 
two m9i/]s f ,am]ica = a %ort p]iod4    
,aga9 %e wait$ long = an answ]2 b ?is "t
 %e did n give him up4 ,sev]al mon?s    
pass$1 & !n "o ( ! bre?r51 a colporteur1
 came4 ,he _h be5 away = sev]al mon?s1 &
 ,si/] ,pati5ce 0 v glad to see him4  ,&
 tell me n[1 ,bro!r ,delwor?1 %e said1  
aft] ! fir/ greet+s 7 ov]1 :]e h y be5  
all ?is "t8  ,mo/ly 9 ,ar5don & ,lawney4
 ,i w5t f ,panville to ,mayfield1 & f   
!re to ,pald+s4  ,pald+s6 ,y 7 at       
,pald+s8 ,d y "k "o ,k4 ,l4 ,jones8 ask$
 ,si/] ,pati5ce ) great int]e/4  ,ah    
yes1 a f9e old g5tleman1 a s*ool-tea*]4 
,he is sav$4 ,i sold him "s books4 ,he  
seems v mu* int]e/$4 ,&1 by ! way1 he   
ask$ me to say to y :5 ,i %\ld see y t  
he hop$ to come ov] to ! meet+ next     
mon?1 :5 ! bre?r5 are "h f ,am]ica4 ,y w
 he> f him soon4  ,! "t 0 draw+ ne> = ! 
com+ ( ! bre?r5 f ,am]ica4 ,arrangem5ts 

_h be5 made = a meet+ dur+ _! /ay1 :i*  
w\ld be only = a few days4 ,& !n "o day 
a lett] came f ,bro!r ,jones inquir+ z  
to ! date ( ! meet+1 & say+ t if        
possible he %\ld l to att5d x4 ,s aga9  
,si/] ,pati5ce wrote him1 urg+ him to be
 at ! meet+1 if possible4  ,?us x 0 t   
dur+ ! excit+ days ( ! meet+1 :5 _m f   
diff]5t p>ts ( ! c\ntry _h ga!r$ 9 to   
meet ! bre?r5 f ,am]ica 9 ?is meet+1    
,si/] ,pati5ce fir/ met ,bro!r ,jones4  
,x happ5$ 9 ?is way3 ,"o morn+ be=e     
meet+-"t1 %e 0 pass+ ?r\gh ! little     
sitt+-room 9 h] home1 :5 %e notic$ a    
f9e-look+ native man ( v5]able appe>ance
 sitt+ at "o side ( ! room4 ,p 7 all    
ab\t him1 b he 0 look+ ov] "s tracts t  
_h be5 h&$ him4 ,mak+ h] way to him1 %e 
said3  ,good morn+1 ,bro!r1 ,i h n met y
 be=e1 h ,i8  ,ah1 no1 he said1 &1      
quickly ris+1 he gave h] a c\rte\s b[4  
,c ?is be ,si/] ,pati5ce8 ,my "n is ,k4 
,l4 ,jones1 ( ,pald+s4  ,h[ glad ,i am  
to meet y6 %e repli$4 ,& !n foll[$ an   
animat$ conv]sation 9 :i* %e 0 able to  

recognize & admire ! f9e qualities ( 8  
matur$ m9d4 ,f9ally he express$ ! desire
 to speak ) ! =eign bre?r5 himself1 & s 
an audi5ce 0 arrang$ = him aft] ! next  
s]vice4 ,!n x 01 ,si/] ,pati5ce le>n$   
aft]w>ds1 t ,bro!r ,jones inquir$ deeply
 into ! subjects ( sanctification &     
baptism4 ,lat] 9 ! day x 0 ann\nc$ t !re
 w\ld be a baptismal s]vice e>ly ! next 
morn+ to accommodate ,bro!r ,jones1 :o 0
 to return home by an e>ly tra94  ,"s   
ye>s h pass$ s9ce !n4 ,god has          
wond]fully us$ ! de> old bro!r1 & a     
congregation has be5 rais$ up ab\t him1 
:o look up to him z _! pa/or4 ,^! are   
backw>d m\nta9 p :]e he has labor$1 yet 
su* has be5 8 pati5ce & fai?fulness &   
love t !y h become e/abli%$ 9 hol9ess & 
tru?4 ,bro!r ,jones1 z we call him1 is  
becom+ feeble n[1 b he is /ill /&+      
fai?ful z ! %eph]d ( ?is little flock1  
fai?ful unto dea?4  ,does x pay to use  
pati5ce & pray] :5 deal+ ) preci\s s\ls8
 ,ah yes2 et]nity alone c tell all t x  
means4     ,! ,rescue ( an ,au/ralian   

,lad  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #aa   ,x 0 9 ! 
t[n ( ,g\lb\rne1 ,new ,s\? ,wales1      
,au/ralia1 t ,i began my c>e] 9 life4   
,until ,i rea*$ ! age ( f\r ye>s1 a     
prosp]\s fa!r provid$ ! com=ts ( a good 
home1 b a great *ange took place ^u my  
sudd5ly be+ left fa!rless4 ,a few mon?s 
lat] f\nd me 9 a little t[n on ! ,/4    
,lawr5ce ,riv]1 9 ! ,provid5ce (        
,ont>io1 ,canada4 ,i _h accompani$ my "m
 to ?is place1 b %e soon plac$ me ) a   
/range family & w5t to a di/ant city4   
,z ,i 0 n[ sep>at$ f e family tie1 life 
began 9 real e>ne/4 ,x 0 also ! beg9n+ (
 a record ( _m int]e/+ & (t5 sad        
exp]i5ces ext5d+ ov] a numb] ( ye>s4 ,9 
my w&]+s 9 diff]5t p>ts ( ,canada & 9 _m
 localities ( ! ,unit$ ,/ates1 !        
incid5ts v>i$ all ! way f be+ rescu$ f  
dr[n+ to l&+ 9 jail z a vagrant4 ,space 
=bids a detail$ acc\nt ( my exp]i5ce1   
:i* to me af=ds mat]ial = int]e/+ & (t5 
regretful recollection4 ,x may1 h[ev]1  
all be summ$ up & describ$ z analog\s ) 
! ca/+ ( an innoc5t infant into ! mighty

 ,niag>a ,riv] to be swept along at !   
m]cy ( ! on-ru%+ & madd5+ curr5t1 :i*   
kn[s no rel5t+1 b be>s its victim to an 
untimely end ov] ! br9k ( ! mighty      
falls4 ,!re de/ruction on ! ragg$ rocks 
bel[ awaits x unless an unse5 h& %\ld   
miracul\sly dip into ! wat] & save t =m 
= life & s]vice4  ,?ank ,god1 9 8 t5d]  
m]cy he /ret*$ =? 8 h& to rescue my     
poor1 lo/1 helpless s\l f ! turbul5t    
rapids ( s9 :5 ,i 0 sev5te5 ye>s ( age4 
,he set me on ! solid rock ( 8 tru? &   
gave me ! ,holy ,_s z an et]nal guide & 
propell+ p[]4 ,he has prov$ to be a     
com=t] 9 :om ,i c safely put my tru/ :5 
/emm+ ! ris+ tide ( unbelief & d\bt4  ,x
 is ) ?anksgiv+ t ,i c at ! pres5t "t   
rec\nt ! div9e c>e ( :i* ,i h be5 !     
object1 s f> 9 my pilgrimage ?r\gh life4
 ,i rejoice to be a p>tak] ( ! ,fa!r's  
love1 :i* is pure1 w>m1 & *angeless4    
,!re is an abid+ assurance ( safety s   
long z ,i walk 9 ! pa? ( ob$i5ce to 8 w 
& tru/ implicitly 9 8 mighty p[] to keep
 my feet :ile ,i take /eps t[>d !       

?re%old ( heav54 ,i am grateful1 also1 =
 a s\l-conviction t ! mo/ wor?y1 mo/    
desirable & glori\s life is ! "o t f9ds 
its outlet 9 ! glad s]vice ( love to    
,god & discov]s complete happ9ess 9 s]v+
 o!rs4 ,a s\l )\t ,*ri/ is l an idle    
/raw driv5 at ! m]cy ( ! w9d1 b ! s\l   
r$eem$ ?r\gh ! blood ( ,jesus w exp]i5ce
 a sweet ess5ce t turns ! unfruitful    
life into a g>d5 ( unspeakable delights4
     ,hea!n ,cu/oms 9 ,*9a  ,,exp]i5ce  
,,numb] #ab   ,to ^? :o h be5 re>$ 9    
,*ri/ian nations1 x is difficult to     
conceive ( ! vague ideas ( ! true wor%ip
 ( ! ,creator1 t are really br$ & born  
into ! wor%ip]s ( idols4 ,g5]ation ^u   
g5]ation1 = ?\s&s ( ye>s1 h be5 taught !
 same =m ( wor%ip1 or ne>ly s1 until su*
 hea!n ideas & doctr9es h become j z mu*
 a "p ( _! nature z is any o!r s9ful    
disposition4  ,hav+ be5 a p]sonal obs]v]
 ( a few ( _! cu/oms1 ,i %all "h be     
m5tion+ :at ,i h se51 ) a pray] t my    
acc\nt may at lea/ help ! read] m fully 
to appreciate ! access t e wor%ip] ( !  

true ,god has to ! b\ntiful /oreh\se (  
bless+s provid$ by our ,creator4  ,=    
ne>ly five ye>s ,i liv$ a %ort di/ance  
outside a l>ge city 9 ,*9a4 ,almo/ z f> 
z we c\ld see 9 any direction1 ! hills &
 valleys 7 dott$ ) little m\nds4 7,"s ( 
! valleys1 h[ev]1 7 "u cultivation47 ,h[
 came all ^! little m\nds1 "s r\nd1 "s  
long1 "s l>ge & "s small1 "s c>efully   
cov]$ ov] ) fre% gre5 sod1 & o!rs       
greatly wea!r-beat5 & ne>ly wa%$ away by
 ! ra9s ( ! season8 ,^! my/]i\s little  
m\nds m>k ! la/ re/+-places ( ?\s&s (   
,*9ese4 ,%\ld ! mortal rema9s 9 a m\nd  
be ^? ( a *ild1 little or no att5tion is
 %[n x2 b %\ld x be ^? ( a fa!r or a "m1
 ! relatives :o are left beh9d d n fail 
to %[ great respect & att5tion to ! _s (
 ! dep>t$ "o4 ,%\ld !y n r5d] su*       
att5tion1 !y believe ! _s has p[] to    
inflict ^u !m great sorr[ & adv]sity4   
,"s ( _! me?ods ( %[+ respect ,i h      
obs]v$ to be z foll[s3 ,aft] a body is  
prep>$ = burial1 c&les & inc5se are kept
 burn+1 ne> ! head & ! feet2 also b[ls (

 rice & o!r food1 ) a pair ( *op/icks1  
are plac$ )9 easy rea*1 = ! use ( ! _s4 
,on ! day ( ! fun]al "s "o is hir$ to   
scatt] repres5tations ( pap] money along
 ! road1 j ahead ( ! bi]4 ,9 det]m9+ !  
position ( ! c(f9 at ! grave1 great c>e 
is tak5 to h ! head turn$ directly t[>d 
"s favorite temple1 t ! _s may h no     
tr\ble 9 f9d+ its way !re4 ,be=e !      
casket is cov]$ ) sod1 a religi\s       
c]emony is held 9 ?is way3 ,all !       
relatives pres5t1 beg9n+ ) ! ne>e/      
k9sman1 kneel d[n & b[ f "o to ?ree     
times1 to ! "o :om !y n[ hold 9 su*     
great e/eem4 ,ev5 ! t9ie/ *ildr5 are    
taught to ?us b[ be=e & rev]5ce _!      
ance/or4 ,?is be+ f9i%$1 !re is !n      
k9dl$1 at ! foot ( ! casket1 a small    
fire ( pap] money1 by :i* means !y      
believe ! value !re( is transport$ to ! 
_s-_w = ! use ( _! dep>t$ "o4  ,a day or
 two aft] ! fun]al1 & on special        
fea/-days1 ! ne> relatives c>ry food to 
! grave & (f] ! food to ! _s by plac+ x 
9 b[ls be=e ! grave4 ,!y also aga9 burn 

pap] money or inc5se4 ,:ile ! fire      
burns1 & ! food rema9s to be receiv$ by 
! _s1 a woman1 usually ! ne>e/ relative1
 kneels by ! side ( ! grave & beg9s a   
long-drawn-out season ( lam5t+ & wail+ =
 ! sorr[ t has come ^u h] on acc\nt ( ! 
dea? ( ! "o by ^: grave %e is kneel+4   
,%e soon almo/ pro/rates h]self4 ,dur+  
?is season ( weep+1 %e enum]ates ov] &  
ov]1 all ! virtues & good qualities ( ! 
dep>t$ "o1 & begs him to come back to   
h]4 ,%e usually cont9ues 9 ?is fr5zy    
until "s "o :o has accompani$ h]1 pulls 
h] up1 bidd+ h] cease ! wail+4 ,! b[ls (
 food previ\sly (f]$ to ! _s are n[ giv5
 to ! *ildr5 or c>ri$ home = o!rs to    
eat4 ,by ?is mann] ( wor%ip ! woman is  
suppos$ to %[ great honor & rev]5ce to !
 deceas$1 :e!r he 0 h] fa!r1 bro!r1     
husb&1 or son4  ,well d ,i rememb] !    
/range feel+s t came ov] me ! fir/ few  
times ,i witness$ f my w9d[ su* a sc5e z
 ,i h j describ$4 ,i felt su* a long+ to
 g to ! weep+ woman1 put my arms ar\nd  
h]1 & com=t h] sad he>t4 ,b to my utt]  

a/oni%m5t1 )9 two or ?ree m9utes aft]   
all h] t\*+ lam5tations %e 0 up laugh+1 
talk+1 & hav+ a jovial "t ) ^? ab\t h]6 
,:5ce came ^? agoniz+ groans1 & :i!r _h 
!y fl[n8 ,_h ,he :o is t\*$ ) ! feel+ ( 
our infirmities com=t$ h] he>t8 ,_h !   
,god ( heav51 :o is a pres5t help 9 e "t
 ( tr\ble1 /ret*$ =? 8 lov+ h& to dry h]
 te>s ( sorr[8 ,ah1 no2 sadly en\gh1 no4
 ,believe me1 read]1 :5 ,i say t ^!     
sup]/iti\s wom5 wor%ip+ ! spirits (     
dep>t$ ones h a =m ( sorr[ & make a     
great pret5se ( di/ress1 b t1 9 reality1
 x is only a cu/om or habit :i* has be5 
copi$ f _! gr&mo!rs = g5]ations back4   
,?is may seem h>d to believe1 b "o ?+   
:i* conv9c$ me ! quicke/ 0 t !y all h   
precisely ! same tune or sw+ to _!      
wail+4 ,aft] he>+ x once or twice1 y    
always recognize x aft]w>ds1 :]ev] y    
are1 :e!r y see ! p]son or n4 ,x is l a 
recitation or song committ$ to memory4  
,!re may be no signs :atsoev] ( sorr[   
until aft] ! woman has tak5 h] place    
beside ! grave1 :5 %e imm$iately beg9s 9

 tones t c\ld probably be he>d1 on a    
quiet day1 a qu>t] ( a mile away1 &     
cont9ues wail+ 9 ! same pit* until "s "o
 bids h] cease1 :5 h] outw>d appe>ance (
 sorr[ ceases z abruptly z x began4 ,i d
 n mean to say t nev] is !re any real   
sorr[ m+l$ ) ! outw>d =m4 ,!re may be1 b
 x is ! outw>d =m :i* con/itutes !      
wor%ip & :i* e woman seems to "k h[ to  
p]=m :5 ! occasion pres5ts itself4  ,n[ 
p]mit me to tell some?+ conc]n+ ! wor%ip
 ( idols4 ,orig9ally1 ,i _h ! idea t !  
inside arrangem5t ( a hea!n temple 0 v  
mu* ! same z t ( a ,*ri/ian *apel2      
namely1 t seats 7 ord]ly arrang$ = !    
wor%ip]s & t ! idols w\ld be /&+ 9 !    
front :]e ! pulpit %\ld be4 ,b ^u my    
fir/ visit to a temple1 ,i saw t ,i 0   
mi/ak54 ,at or ne> ! temple door /& two 
v l>ge1 fi]ce-look+ idols1 kn[n z gu>ds 
( ! temple4 ,arrang$ all ar\nd ! sides  
are num]\s o!r idols1 ( v>i\s k9ds &    
sizes4 ,b 9 ! c5t] ( ! build+ /&s "o or 
m l>ge idols1 :o are suppos$ to imp>t   
diff]5t k9ds ( bless+s to ! wor%ip]4    

,/&+ ne> by are a numb] ( inc5se-pots1 f
 :i* asc5ds smoke cont9u\sly on         
wor%ip-days4 ,on ! floor c be se5 a     
numb] ( ?ick1 r\nd mats1 on :i* !       
wor%ip]s kneel z !y b[ be=e ! idols4 ,!y
 d n h fix$ h\rs ( wor%ip & all assemble
 at ! appo9t$ "t1 b at any "t ?r\gh\t ! 
day few or _m may g 9 & b[ be=e :atev]  
idols are suppos$ to be/[ ! k9ds (      
bless+s desir$4 ,! idol is n suppos$ to 
give out ! bless+ at ! "t ! wor%ip] b[s 
be=e him1 z "s read]s may h believ$4 ,= 
in/ance1 at ! beg9n+ ( a new ye>1 if a  
man b[s be=e ! god ( weal?1 he does n   
expect ! idol to h& out money to him1 b 
r he expects t dur+ ! com+ ye> he %all h
 f9ancial prosp]ity4  ,i rememb] once   
see+ a fa!r b[ be=e an idol1 !n take 8  
?ree little *ildr51 "o by "o1 %[ !m h[  
to kneel ^u ! mat1 fold _! little h&s1 &
 bump _! heads sev]al times ^u ! floor 9
 front ( ! hide\s idol1 ( :i* ! little  
ones 7 afraid4 ,! fa!r notic$ t ,i 0    
obs]v+ closely ! proc$ure4 ,:5 x 0 all  
f9i%$1 he look$ at me ) a smile1 z if to

 say1 ,didn't !y d well8  ,^! ?+s c n b 
make sad ! he>t ( a *ild ( ,god4 ,cat*+ 
a glimpse n[ & aga9 ( a bit ( real      
idol-wor%ip helps "o to realize t !     
*ur*1 9 evangeliz+ ! _w1 has inde$ a    
mighty und]tak+4 ,f a human /&po9t1 x   
may seem impossible1 b ) ,god all ?+s   
are possible4     ,deliv]ance f         
,disc\ragem5ts & ,extremism  ,,exp]i5ce 
,,numb] #ac   ,along ! n>r[ way t leads 
to heav51 ! ,*ri/ian meets ) _m         
exp]i5ces t to him seem /range &        
inexplicable4 ,t at times he %\ld walk 9
 light & !n aga9 9 d>kness2 t sometimes 
he %\ld run ) ease & !n aga9 be compell$
 7z ,bunyan puts x7 to fall f runn+ to  
go+1 & f go+ to clamb]+ ^u 8 h&s & 8    
knees1 because ( ! /eepness ( ! place2 t
 he %\ld /& today ^u ! m\nta9-top (     
glory & tomorr[ f9d himself plung$ into 
! valley ( despond5cy & gloom2 t today  
he %\ld feel s cle>ly 8 ,savior's       
pres5ce1 & tomorr[ be left seem+ly s    
entirely to himself2 all ^! & _m o!r ?+s
 ( l nature t5d to puzzle & confuse !   

s\ls ( pilgrims on ! way to glory4 ,t   
disc\ragem5ts & disappo9tm5ts w\ld come 
f outside s\rces almo/ all h expect$1 b 
t ! inw>d life %\ld be *angeful & v>i$ 9
 any wise _m h n ?\ght consi/5t ) true  
,*ri/ian exp]i5ce4   ,,v>i$ ,,exp]i5ces 
,"s1 ^u discov]+ t ! ,*ri/ian's pa?way  
leads n always ?r\gh v]dant valleys &   
beside /ill wat]s1 conclude t ! way is  
too (t5 r\gh & t !re=e ! prize is n wor?
 ! runn+1 become disc\rag$ & turn back  
into s94 ,o!rs1 aft] wond]+ & seek+ 9   
va9 = a way always bright & easy1 &     
le>n+ t all ,*ri/ians h simil> exp]i5ces
 ( inw>d light & %ade1 conclude t ^! ?+s
 are "p ( ! way & det]m9e to take !m z a
 matt] ( c\rse & make ! be/ ( !m4 ,!y   
consid] ! prize too great to miss1 & s  
!y press on at any co/1 hav+ settl$ d[n 
to endure :at mu/ be endur$ & to enjoy  
:at may be enjoy$1 hop+ "s day = an end 
to x all1 b nev] discov]+ ! causes1 or  
be+ able to ?9k ! ?\ghts ( ,god conc]n+ 
_! difficulties4  ,ano!r class c n be   
satisfi$ ) ?is condition ( m+l$ light & 

%ade4 ,_! s\ls mu/ ev] see ! face (     
,god1 & ) no?+ %ort ( t c !y abide      
cont5t4 ,!y w\ld make any sacrifice if  
only ! glory & joy !y desire might be   
!irs1 & )\t x !y c n be /ill4 ,ev]y:]e  
!y turn cry+1 ,:]e=e hide/ ?\ ?y face1  
,make me to "k my transgression & my s9 
7,job #ac3bc1 #bd72 &1 l ,job aga91 '!y 
g =w>d1 b he is n !re2 & backw>d1 b !y c
 n p]ceive him'2 on ! "r & left !y seek1
 b c n f9d him 7,job #bc3h1 #i74 ,b !y  
nev] quiet _! s\ls suffici5tly = ,god to
 tell !m ! causes ( ! conditions :i* !y 
s mu* deplore4  ,yet ano!r class (      
,*ri/ians g ?r\gh l exp]i5ces ) ! o!rs1 
b someh[ ,god by 8 grace enables _!     
he>ts1 p]haps aft] ye>s ( /ruggl+1 to   
settle d[n at la/ into a /ate ( /illness
 & calm submission :]e he c tea* !m !   
causes ( _! tr\bles & s br+ !m out into 
t weal?y place :i* is ! normal /ate ( a 
mature ,*ri/ian4 ,!n !y c s+ ) ,job1 ,i 
h he>d ( !e by ! he>+ ( ! e>2 b ,,n[ m9e
 eye see? !e 7,job4 #db3e74  ,9 religi\s
 z truly z 9 physical & temporal        

affairs1 !re is nev] an effect )\t an   
adequate cause4 ,if ! ,^w ( ,god loses  
its ri*ness1 if d>kness falls ^u ! s\l1 
if x is h>d to pray1 if !re is a lack ( 
victory 9 any respect1 !re is a reason1 
a suffici5t cause = su* a condition4    
,let x be und]/ood "h t ! causes are n  
always1 9 fact (t5 are n1 s9s4 ,mu*     
confusion has aris5 f imag9+ t e *a/5+ (
 ! ,"l is ! puni%m5t ( "s s91 :51 9     
fact1 ea* ( ,god's sons mu/ endure      
*a/isem5t t !y may become 9 a full] s5se
 p>tak]s ( 8 hol9ess4 ,?us1 we conclude 
t all ! unpleasant exp]i5ces ) :i* we   
meet 9 ! upw>d way mu/ be = ! sake (    
elim9at+ some?+ ( self & ( con=m+ u m to
 ! div9e image4 ,we d n meet !m simply  
because !y are 9 ! way1 b !y are 9 ! way
 because we ne$ !m4 ,h5ce ! be/ way to  
meet all su* ?+s is to br+ !m quickly to
 ,fa!r1 n inquir+ impati5tly1 ,:y mu/ ,i
 suff] s8 b r3 ,:at is !re 9 my nature t
 makes ?is suff]+ necess>y8 ,:at is x t 
?\ art endeavor+ to d = me8 ,& h[ may ,i
 conduct myself s z to receive ! b5efit8

   ,,te/s ,,9 ,,e>ly ,,*ri/ian ,,life   
,happy is ! *ild ( ,god :o c say t f !  
day ( 8 conv]sion he has nev] s9n$ nor  
griev$ ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,su*1 h[ev]1 has n 
be5 ! exp]i5ce ( ! writ]4 ,= sev]al ye>s
 ,i 0 plung$1 sometimes )9 ! space ( a  
few h\rs1 f extreme happ9ess & joy into 
deepe/ gloom & sadness4 ,weeks ( walk+ 9
 ! joy ( ! ,"l (t5 t]m9at$ 9 "s sad     
failure1 caus+ untold mis]y ( s\l4 ,:5  
fai? aga9 ga9$ ! victory1 praises 9 !   
day & songs 9 ! night 7 m9e until "s o!r
 episode or depression ( feel+ caus$ me 
anxiety & fe>4 ,9 spite ( ,god's        
mat*less grace & pati5t endeavor to tea*
 me ! lessons ( absolute dep5d5ce &     
humble tru/ 9 him1 ?is condition cont9u$
 until gradually & almo/ imp]ceptibly my
 s\l rea*$ a place :]e ,i seem$ pa/     
feel+1 joy 0 no long] m9e1 love seem$ a 
s5sation =eign to my he>t1 ! p[] ( pray]
 0 gone1 & ,i felt t ,god _h inde$ =sak5
 me4 ,my te/imonies 7= ,i 0 n consci\s (
 any s9 & c\ld n give up my hope 9      
,*ri/7 s\nd$ to my own e>s z t9kl+      

cymbal & s\nd+ brass4  ,t a s\l :o      
commits no kn[n s9 & :o nev] loses !    
det]m9ation to s]ve ,god c\ld get into  
su* a /ate seems incr$ible4 ,su*1 h[ev]1
 0 my condition1 & ,i h met "s :o are on
 ! way to j su* a place ( confusion1    
o!rs :o h rea*$ & are n[ suff]+ 9 ! same
 /ate ( mis]y1 & /ill o!rs :o h pass$   
?r\gh & f\nd t sweet re/ ( s\l s pla9ly 
promis$ to all :o come to ,jesus4 ,su*1 
!n1 z may be pass+ ?r\gh or :o are ent]+
 ^u su* exp]i5ces1 ,i tru/ to be able to
 %[ h[ my feet came to s9k into ! miry  
clay & h[ at la/ ,god graci\sly set me  
^u ! solid rock ( 8 et]nal tru? & gave  
me new songs ( praise & love once aga94 
,a ,,deep] ,,spiritual ,,exp]i5ce  ,= ! 
two ye>s int]v5+ betwe5 my conv]sion & !
 "t :5 ,i 0 enabl$ to make a complete   
consecration & receive an exp]i5ce :i*  
,i _h n be=e atta9$1 ,i enjoy$ & endur$ 
! exp]i5ces common to ! ,*ri/ian 9 8    
e>ly religi\s life4 ,_m times ,i pres5t$
 myself to ,god = cleans+1 b z (t5 fail$
 to receive ! ,holy ,gho/1 because ,i   

c\ld n believe unless ,i %\ld h su*     
manife/ations ( 8 incom+ z "s o!rs _h   
receiv$4 ,at la/1 9 desp]ation1 be+     
confid5t t ,i _h yield$ all to ,god1 ,i 
det]m9$ to believe t he did cleanse my  
he>t & give me ! ,holy ,_s :e!r ,i ev]  
receiv$ any feel+s or n2 = _h n !       
immutable ,god promis$1 & c\ld 8 ^w be  
brok58 ,aft] a sev]e te/+ ( ?is         
decision1 ! ,holy ,_s came into my he>t1
 cleans+ x & fill+ me ) joy unspeakable 
& full ( glory4 ,n[1 ,i ?\ght1 surely   
all my difficulties are pa/1 & ,i %all  
walk 9 glory ! re/ ( my life4 ,?is      
bubble soon bur/1 h[ev]2 = 9 my v       
te/imony to ! graci\s infill+ ( ! ,_s1  
,i 0 %[n a degree ( self & a lack (     
humility1 :i*1 _h ,i und]/ood ! tru? ( !
 matt]1 %\ld h s5t me 9 fai? to ! ?rone 
( grace = a supply ( :at ,i lack$1 b    
:i*1 in/ead1 ,i all[$ to ?r[ me into a  
/ate ( d\bt & fe> f :i* ,i did n em]ge =
 "s days4 ,! agony ( s\l :i* ,i suff]$  
?r\gh n und]/&+ ! fact t ,i _h an       
individual self-life ) :i* ,i mu/       

reckon1 ev5 ?\gh ,i 0 sanctifi$1 c be   
und]/ood only by ^? :o h become victims 
to d\bts 9 a l mann]4 ,aft] a "t fai?   
became /rong]1 ! seasons ( depression   
became few]1 & my s\l liv$ ^u ! w+4     
,pray] 0 a delight2 ! read+ ( ! ,^w     
fill$ me ) praise2 meet+ ! p ( ,god 0 ! 
joy ( my life2 & e newly reveal$ tru?   
made my s\l leap = gladness4   ,,glory+ 
,,9 ,,self  ,i came at la/ to revel 9 my
 exp]i5ces4 ,ins5sibly to myself1 ,i    
glori$ 9 ,,my joy1 ,,my victory1 ,,my   
tru5ess to ,god4 ,o!rs told ( trials &  
difficulties2 my te/imonies 7 full (    
victory & praise1 & ,i rejoic$ 9 ! fact4
 ,little by little ,i began to notice ! 
faults & failures ( o!rs1 & hav+ begun  
to ?9k s mu* ( :at ,i 01 ,i _h b a      
little /ep to g to make a comp>ison ( _!
 faults ) my virtues4 ,z ,i rememb]1 ,i 
did ?is all q unconsci\sly2 b a bro!r at
 la/ said to me1 ,i fe> y are los+ t    
burn+ love = o!rs :i* y once _h4 ,?us   
reprov$1 ,i s\ght ! ,fa!r 9 a v simple  
pray] t he w\ld fill me aga9 ) t        

sweetness & t5d]ness s necess>y = a *ild
 ( ,god4 ,t he answ]$ no "o c\ld d\bt1  
lea/ ( all ,i myself4 ,a passion = s\ls 
took hold ^u me4 ,no labor 0 too h>d1 no
 sacrifice too great1 if only ,i c\ld   
influ5ce a s\l = ,jesus4 ,i felt a      
t5d]ness ( s\l t[>d ^? :om ,i _h =m]ly  
criticiz$1 & :]eas ,i _h avoid$ !m1 n[  
,i felt a draw+ t[>d !m1 & ?\gh ,i      
believ$ 7because "s 9 :om ,i _h         
confid5ce w>n$ me ( x7 t !y possess$ v  
s]i\s faults1 someway ,i c\ld n see !m s
 pla9ly4  ,i 0 "y 9 ye>s1 & oh1 s       
ignorant6 ,if only at t "t my wisdom _h 
be5 equal to my love = ,god & s\ls1 h[  
mu* ( sorr[ ,i might h be5 sav$6 ,h[ h>d
 ! ,_s ( ,god tri$ to keep me f tak+    
c\nsel ) self & o!rs6 b ,i _h yet to    
develop t individuality :i* c /& alone )
 ,god 9 sun%9e or tempe/ & at ! same "t 
hold an attitude ( humble1 submissive   
love to ! bre?r54 ,i ne$$ t s+le eye :i*
 sees only ,god & is n occupi$ ) self or
 o!rs1 except 9 humbly lov+ & s]v+ !m4  
,p>tly ?r\gh a lack ( und]/&+1 b m      

especially because spiritual pride 0    
ga9+ a foo?old 9 my he>t1 mak+ x        
impossible = me cle>ly to di/+ui% !     
voice ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 ,i fail$ to he$ 8 
w>n+s1 & ent]$ an exp]i5ce ( d>kness &  
gloom1 light$ by a v few rays ( 8 div9e 
pres5ce1 :i* cont9u$ ov] a p]iod (      
sev]al ye>s4   ,,criticiz+ ,,o!rs       
,gradually my =m] exp]i5ce 0 repeat$4   
,criticism ( o!rs sl[ly b surely took ! 
place ( f]v5t *>ity4 ,contemplation (   
self & self-complac5cy supplant$        
m$itation on ,god & ! humble realization
 ( my ne$ ( 8 con/ant help4             
,self-suffici5cy succe$$ humble dep5d5ce
 ^u ! ,"l4 ,all ?is 0 utt]ly            
uncompreh5d$ by my he>t1 & soon ,i began
 vaguely to wond] :y ,i did n love      
secret pray] z =m]ly1 :y ! ,^w did n    
seem s good to me z be=e1 & :y my ?\ghts
 ran s mu* ^u myself & o!rs1 :]eas 9    
times pa/ ! ,"l _h be5 ! ,alpha & ,omega
 ( my m$itations4 ,my zeal = ! tru? did 
n abate4 ,my public devotions 7 e>ne/ & 
app>5tly spiritual1 b deep )9 my s\l ,i 

knew t !re 0 a diff]5ce4 ,h[ev]1 ,i 0 s 
mu* tak5 up ) help+ o!rs d "r t ,i _h n 
mu* "t to att5d to my own ne$s4 ,god _h 
giv5 me mu* light1 _m ?+s = my p]sonal  
b5efit4 ,^! ,i 0 v anxi\s = o!rs to see2
 = if !y 7 good = me1 :y n = o!rs also8 
,?us1 ,i endeavor$ to =ce my convictions
 ^u all ,i met4 ,i lov$ _! s\ls & my    
actions 7 born ( a desire = _! be/ good1
 b my attitude mu/ h repell$ r ?an h    
attract$ !m4 ,anxiety to see e "o get z 
mu* z possible z quickly z possible1    
made me ov]solicit\s & exact+4  ,at ?is 
"t ,i came 9 contact ) "s :o 7 incl9$ to
 l[] ! /&>d 9 "s respects & give m room 
= loos5ess ( walk & conv]sation ?an 0   
exp$i5t4 ,^! ,i look$ ^u at fir/ ) pity1
 !n ) indignation1 & at la/ z wilful    
deceiv]s4 ,at ?is /age1 ,i ?9k1 ! la/   
ve/ige ( div9e t5d]ness vani%$ f my s\l1
 & ,i ent]$ ! conflict det]m9$ to       
v9dicate ! tru? & see ! /&>d upheld4 ,:5
 ef=ts 7 made to discov] to me my       
faults1 ,i c\ld see only !irs4 ,if x 0  
sugge/$ to me t ,i 0 lack+ 9 love1 ,i   

felt t judgm5ts in/ead ( love %\ld be   
met$ out to !m4 ,in/ead ( feel+ free 9  
_! pres5ce1 ,i felt l avoid+ !m & almo/ 
fe>$ to be ) !m4 ,?is ,i ascrib$ to !   
bad _s :i* ,i felt actuat$ !m4 ,_h ,i   
only kn[n h[1 ,i might h held to ! true 
/&>d 9 righte\sness & also 9 m]cy1 b ,i 
c\ld see no middle gr\nd4 ,ei!r ,i 0 "r 
& !y wrong or ! opposite 0 true4 ,& ,i  
?\ght t if ,i 0 wrong at all ,i mu/ be  
:olly wrong4 ,i _h n at t "t se5 ! tru? 
t ,god judges u by our motives1 &       
condemns or excuses u z we h or d n h an
 e>ne/ det]m9ation to s]ve him & d 8 w4 
,s any attempt to recognize ^? :o 7     
fail+ 9 do+ "s ( :at ,i 0 sure 0 ! w (  
,god only result$ 9 t]rible confusion to
 my s\l4   ,,w>n$ ,,by ,a ,,dream  ,at  
la/ ,god 9 m]cy gave a dream to a bro!r 
:o 0 try+ to help u4 ,i c n recall x    
p]fectly1 b to ! be/ ( my recollection1 
x 0 some:at z foll[s3 ,he ?\ght t he 0 9
 ! c5t] ( a beautiful /ream ( wat]1 cle>
 z cry/al4 ,! banks on ea* side 7       
p]p5dicul> & v high4 ,on ea* bank 0 a   

l>ge bundle to :i* 0 atta*$ a /rap4 ,!  
bro!r 0 try+ h>d1 b )\t success1 to pull
 ^? bundles into ! /ream4 ,9 ! mid/ ( 8 
ex]tions he awoke4 ,wond]+ :at 0 9 !    
bundles1 he look$ to ! ,"l & receiv$ ?is
 solution3 ,! cry/al /ream repres5t$    
,god's et]nal tru?2 ! ob/9ate bundles   
conta9$ a li/ ( ?+s :i* he gave to u    
some:at z foll[s3                       
,,tru?          ,human ,reason+         
,legality                               
,zeal = spirituality             ,great 
claims to spirituality   ,volunt>y      
humility                ,h>%ness        
,indep5d5ce                             
,self-suffici5cy   ,head9ess            
,self-w   ,criticism                    
,criticism   ,loose h&l+ ( ,^w          
,zeal = writt5 comm&s   ,exaltation (   
,_s above ,^w   ,exaction   ,undue      
lib]ty                     ,bondage     
,compromise                             
,fanaticism   ,,indiff]5ce ,,or ,,d\bts 
,su* a revelation ( my he>t %\ld h help$
 me1 b s bl9d 0 ,i t ! only *ange x     

wr\ght 0 to turn ! weapons ( h>%ness1   
criticism1 & exaction ^u myself4 ,& =   
?ree long mis]able ye>s1 ) a he>t l a   
/one s f> z feel+s 7 conc]n$1 ,i wre/l$ 
) d\bts & fe>s & tri$1 oh1 s h>d6 to    
rea* ! /&>d ( spirituality :i* ,i _h    
=m]ly held up = o!rs4 ,labor 9 pray] z  
,i w\ld1 ! light w\ld n dispel !        
d>kness1 ! /ony he>t w\ld n s(t51 except
 = a %ort season4 ,!n1 h[ ,i glori$ 9 ! 
light & h[ ,i m\rn$ :5 x 0 d>k aga96    
,worse ?an all else1 !re fell ^u my s\l 
a /ate ( seem+ indiff]5ce to my         
condition & c>elessness t[>d bo? ,god1 !
 s\ls ( o!rs1 & myself4 ,/ir myself out 
( x1 ,i c\ld n4 ,sorr[ & joy alike seem$
 /rang]s to me4 ,z !re 0 no bless+1 s   
!re 0 no grief4 ,!re 0 a great calm1 b x
 0 ! calm ( ! grave2 x 0 n peace4 ,:5   
reprov$ = caus+ trials to o!rs1 z ,i (t5
 ne$$ to be1 ,i endeavor$ n to be guilty
 ( ! same (f5se aga92 b no matt] :at ,i 
did1 ,i seem$ to exp]i5ce no great dep? 
( sorr[4 ,)al !re develop$ a lightness q
 =eign to :at ,i _h be5 by nature or    

grace4 ,i seem$ to live only ^u !       
surface1 & to h no ability to rea* any  
dep? ( grace4 ,?is ,i deplor$1 & long$ =
 ! bless+ ( g5u9e sorr[4 ,h[ (t5 ,i wi%$
 t ,i _h nev] he>d ! tru? if only ,i    
might h ! *ance to beg9 all ov] aga96   
,i liv$ 9 circles1 mak+ no progress4    
,daily ,i pray$ = a return ( ! joy1     
love1 peace1 & victory ,i _h once kn[n4 
,sometimes ! cl\ds rift$ a little1 & ,i 
glori$ 9 x1 ?9k+ t surely ! ,"l _h he>d1
 & ,i %\ld be deliv]$2 b soon ,i w\ld   
feel ! same dulness settle d[n1 leav+ 9 
me ! same a*+ void z be=e4 ,aga9 & aga9 
,i tri$ to rep5t1 ?9k+ t ,i surely mu/  
be a s9n]2 b ,i c\ld n "w up any        
e>ne/ness1 nor c\ld ,i f9d any?+ 9      
p>ticul> ( :i* to rep5t1 only ! d>kness 
& g5]al dissatisfaction :i* ,i 0        
exp]i5c+4 ,if only ,i c\ld h begun aga92
 b !re seem$ no place f :i* to />t1 no  
f\ndation = my feet1 & ,i felt myself   
almo/ entirely swall[$ 9 ! quicks& (    
despond5cy & disc\ragem5t4 ,i realiz$ !n
 ! =ce ( ! ,psalmi/'s words1 ,if !      

f\ndations be remov$1 :at %all !        
righte\s d8   ,,disc\ragem5ts  ,at la/  
my ?\ghtlessness br\ght ^u me "s v sev]e
 repro(s4 ,i knew t ,i 0 n feel+ !      
weight ( !m z ,i %\ld1 & ,i knew also t 
unless ,i %\ld be able 9 "s way to see  
:y ,i did su* ?+s ,i c\ld nev] get any  
help4 ,:y %\ld ,i1 :o long$ to be a     
s\l-w9n]1 be a s\rce ( trial to o!rs8   
,hav+ at la/ gott5 x settl$ t !re 0     
some?+ fundam5tally wrong1 ,i det]m9$ n 
to cont5t myself until ,i %\ld discov]  
:at x 04 ,in/ead ( pray+ z ,i _h done = 
s long1 = love1 joy1 etc41 ,i endeavor$ 
to humble myself be=e ,god & entreat him
 to %[ me :at 0 wrong )94 ,i made v sl[ 
progress4 ,a day ( fa/+ & pray] reveal$ 
no?+4 ,b ,i w\ld n cease se>*+ my he>t4 
,x 0 v dry pray+1 = ,i _h no ability ev5
 to feel sorry t my condition 0 s bad2 b
 ,i _h "o promise to :i* ,i clung       
desp]ately3 ,!y t seek ! ,"l %all n want
 any good ?+ 7,psa4 #cd3aj74 ,i c\ld n  
make myself feel1 nor *ange my /ate1 b  
,i c\ld seek4 ,& x 0 )9 my p[]1 z x is  

)9 ! p[] ( all1 to believe t he w\ld be 
f\nd ( me4  ,at la/1 little by little1 x
 dawn$ ^u me t ,i 0 selfi%4 ,! read] may
 smile1 z ,i myself d n[1 t ,i did n "k 
x be=e4 ,b up to t "t ,i _h nev] /opp$  
to consid] :y ,i did ?+s4 ,if ,i spoke  
h>%ly1 ,i 0 sorry & begg$ p>don1 b x    
nev] occurr$ to me to ?9k :y ,i _h spok5
 s1 except t some?+ _h n pleas$ me4 ,if 
,i pray$ :5 ,i felt incl9$ & neglect$   
pray] :5 ,i did n feel incl9$ to pray1  
,i knew t ,i _h neglect$ duty1 b to     
consid] :y ,i _h neglect$ x nev] ent]$  
my m9d4 ,if words n unto edification    
escap$ my lips1 ,i 0 a%am$1 b my motive 
= s speak+ 0 unkn[n to me4 ,b n[ ! ,"l  
%[$ me cle>ly t a desire = p]sonal      
pleasure & pr(it lurk$ deep at ! root ( 
all ^? acts ( indiff]5ce & c>elessness4 
,grateful = "o ray ( light1 ,i s\ght    
aga9 8 pres5ce & cri$1 ,b :y1 ,o ,"l1   
%\ld ,i1 :o h ta/$ ?y div9e grace1 :o h 
felt ! sanctify+ p[] ( ?y ,holy ,_s--:y 
%\ld ,i be selfi%8 ,my spiritual eye 0  
rega9+ its sight n[ & my e> its ke5ness1

 s t ?r\gh _m days1 9 ! te/imonies (    
o!rs1 ?r\gh read+1 & 9 pray] &          
m$itation1 ! answ] came by degrees1     
until at la/ ,i und]/ood4               
,,self-,,love ,,& ,,pure ,,love  ,!re   
is1 ,i le>n$1 9 e human he>t an elem5t  
call$ self-love4 ,?is is n s9ful 9      
itself1 be+ synonym\s ) t desire =      
happ9ess :i* is ! m$ium ?r\gh :i* ,god  
appeals to ! s\l4 ,x is n annihilat$ 9 !
 sanctifi$ s\l1 else ,jesus c\ld n h    
said1 ,love ?y neighbor z ?yself1 b x is
 !re subord9at$ to t pure love :i*      
places ,god fir/ 9 all circum/ances4 ,to
 love ! ,"l ) all ! he>t1 might1 m9d1 & 
/r5g? is to love ) pure love2 b ! he>t t
 loves ?us /ill conta9s self-love1 & x  
is ?r\gh ?is prop]ty ( ! s\l t !        
sanctifi$ c be tempt$4 ,adam 0 a p]fect 
man1 ) a p]fectly pure he>t2 b :5 tempt$
 to obta9 some?+ :i* promis$ to improve 
8 /ate & increase 8 happ9ess1 he prov$ t
 he lov$ himself by yield+ to !         
temptation4 ,x is ?is "p ( ourselves :i*
 mu/ daily be d5i$ le/ x deg5]ate into  

selfi%ness & cause u tr\ble4 ,!re is a  
degree to :i* ?is self-love & pure love 
may become mix$ 9 our s]vice to ,god4   
,?is _h happ5$ 9 my case4  ,pure love   
s]ves )\t any hope ( rew>d4 ,:5 light & 
peace & joy fill ! s\l1 or :5 grief1    
sorr[1 or lonel9ess presses ! he>t1 pure
 love goes on lov+ & s]v+4 ,pure love   
desires1 n to be pleas$1 b to please4 ,x
 gives all & dem&s no?+ 9 return4 ,x    
loves ,god1 n s mu* = :at he has done = 
! s\l1 or = :at ! s\l expects him to d =
 x1 b = :at he ,,is4 ,x seeks him1 n s  
mu* t x may be bless$1 z t x may be a   
pleasure to him4 ,x desires1 n s mu*    
satisfaction = its own he>t1 z t he may 
be satisfi$ ) x4 ,x seeks n place nor   
position nor any?+1 b only t ,,he may   
f9d pleasure 9 x1 t ,,he may be able to 
rejoice 9 ! "w ( 8 h&4 ,if x pleases him
 to give good ?+s1 ! s\l is grateful1 b 
does n =get t ! ,giv] is m ?an ! gift4  
,if evil comes1 pure love c quietly re/1
 desir+ naught = self1 b all = him4 ,ev5
 if 8 face is hidd51 pure love1 ?\gh    

feel+ ke5ly ! abs5ce ( its belov$1 c    
/ill say 9 sweet submission1 ,?y w be   
done2 = x feels itself unwor?y ( any    
bless+ & s is cont5t ) :atev] its ,"l is
 pleas$ to d4 ,x yields itself to !     
,au?or ( e good1 &1 tru/+ 8 love1       
receives ?ankfully & 9 deep humility :at
 he pleases to give & z gratefully      
humbles itself to g )\t :at he does n   
please to give4 ,will+ly to receive :at 
?\ give/1 to lack :at ?\ )holde/1 to    
rel9qui% :at ?\ take/1 to suff] :at ?\  
inflicte/1 to be :at ?\ require/--?is is
 pure love & real consecration4   ,,see+
 ,,my ,,condition  ,z ,god reveal$ ?is  
preci\s tru?1 ,i felt z ?\gh "s "o _h   
said ( me1 ,do? ,job s]ve ,god = naught8
 & t ,god c\ld n h ju/ifi$ me z he did  
,job4 ,my own he>t %[$ me self-seek+4 ,i
 saw !n t ,i _h pray$ to be bless$2 t ,i
 _h long$ = satisfaction2 t ,i _h s\ght 
= joy & peace & love & spirituality1    
p>tly at lea/1 t ,i might be satisfi$ & 
well pleas$ ) myself1 &1 fur!rmore1 t ,i
 might be consid]$ spiritual among !    

bre?r54 ,also1 ,i 0 hone/ly anxi\s to be
 a bless+ to o!rs & 9 ev]y?+ to be an   
example ( ! believ]s4 ,b to seek ! ,"l  
simply to please him nev] occurr$ to me1
 until ,i 0 rem9d$ ( 8 unselfi% love =  
me4 ,he desir$ me to be all = him1 n    
because my little all c\ld make him any 
ri*]1 b because x 0 only !n t he c\ld   
really be all = me & be/[ ^u me ! ri*es 
( 8 love4 ,a s5t5ce f ,f5elon made me m 
a%am$ ?an ev]4 ,x reads some?+ l ?is3   
,w\ld y s]ve ,god only z he gives y     
pleasure 9 s]v+ him8   ,,light ,,breaks 
,,^u ,,my ,,s\l  ,9 ! beg9n+ ( my       
,*ri/ian exp]i5ce ,i _h b to see a tru? 
to feel )9 a /rong draw+ to ob$i5ce4 ,b 
n[ all 0 diff]5t4 ,! cold facts ( my    
condition 7 pla9 to me1 b !re 0 no inw>d
 =ce compell+ me to act accord+ to ! k  
,i _h ga9$4 ,i 0 toss$ ab\t & wi%$ m ?an
 ,i c tell = "s inw>d urg+ ( ! ,_s (    
,god t[>d ! p]=mance ( my duty4 ,i did n
 "k ! tru? t ,god accepts ! decision ( !
 w z ! purpose ( ! he>t4 ,i suppos$ t no
 act c\ld be acceptable to ,god unless x

 came f a w>m feel+ ( love4 ,! deadness 
& ! apa?y ( my he>t 7 sick5+4 ,i saw    
cle>ly ! wret*$ness ( my condition1 b   
!re 0 no break+ up1 no feel+ ( sorr[1 no
 conviction 7z ,i ?\ght71 no love =     
,god4 ,if ,i c\ld only h %$ "s te>s2 if 
my s\l _h only be5 ex]cis$ = its own    
deliv]ance6 ,b all )9 0 z /ill z a /one2
 only my m9d seem$ active4  ,at la/1    
h[ev]1 ,i saw t ?is app>5t lack ( sorr[ 
0 only ano!r /ep t[>d ! utt] repudiation
 ( self4 ,9 ! pa/1 self _h hidd5 beh9d  
my te>s1 & ,i _h unconsci\sly tru/$ 9 my
 sorr[ in/ead ( 9 ! ,"l1 ?9k+ t surely  
because ,i felt s sorry1 ,i %\ld n      
repeat ! (f5se4 ,b a feel+ ( sorr[ c n  
save1 z ,i prov$ aga9 & aga9 by repeat$ 
failures1 & s ,god1 wi%+ to /rip me (   
any?+ 9 :i* to tru/ except himself1     
all[$ me n ev5 ! satisfaction ( te>s or 
a break+ up ( he>t4 ,he wi%$ to tea* me 
t real rep5tance is an act ( ! w & n ( !
 emotions4 ,= a t5d] he>t1 "o %\ld be   
grateful1 b to tru/ 9 t = victory ov] s9
 or faults c only lead to repeat$       

failure4 ,s at la/ ,i 0 will+ to submit 
?is po9t to him :o doe? all ?+s well & 0
 will+ to ca/ myself1 unwor?y1 undone1  
)\t a ve/ige ( hope 9 myself1 nor a     
place to set my feet1 :olly ^u him & to 
believe t he took me ,,z ,i ,,01 :e!r ,i
 0 able to d or be any?+ or n1 & w\ld   
beg9 to "w 9 me 8 div9e w4   ,,le>n+    
,,my ,,mi/akes  ,! same tr\ble arose    
ab\t my lack ( feel+ any love = ,god4   
,h[ c\ld ,i1 :o _h be5 ! recipi5t ( s _m
 favors f ! h& ( ,god1 be s h>d-he>t$ z 
n to love him6 ,c\ld ,i d>e come to him 
or ask any?+ f him :5 ,i did n love him1
 :5 ,i _h giv5 s mu* place to self-love 
& _h be5 s indiff]5t conc]n+ ! pleasure 
( my ,k+8 ,h[ difficult x is to come to 
,god empty-h&$6 ,if only ,i might h     
br\ght at lea/ a little love 9 my h& to 
(f] him6 ,b no1 !re seem$ to be none2 & 
at la/ my poor s\l came to see & confess
 t1 aft] all1 x 0 n because ( my love to
 him t he lov$ me & sav$ me1 b because (
 8 great m]cy & love = me4 ,at l5g? my  
s\l1 fall+ d[n be=e him1 c\ld cry out 9 

tru?1    ,no?+ 9 my h& ,i br+2   ,simply
 to ?y cross ,i cl+4  ,!n he taught me t
 love does n dep5d ^u emotion2 t s f> z 
,god is conc]n$1 x is a free gift to u2 
t 9 ord] = u to enjoy x we mu/ accept x 
z our own4 ,! acceptance dep5ds ^u our w
 & decision 9 ! matt]1 & n ^u our       
feel+s4 ,to illu/rate3 ,if a p]son does 
mu* = me t is h>d & difficult = him1    
will+ly makes _m sacrifices = me1 )\t   
any hope ( rew>d1 ,i conclude t he loves
 me f> bett] ?an ! "o :o does mu* = me =
 :i* he receives or expects remun]ation4
 ,n[h]e does ! ,bible comm& u to feel l 
obey+ ! ,"l2 n[h]e is x ev5 sugge/$ t we
 %\ld feel l lov+ him4 ,b we d f9d t    
,god's pleasure re/s ^u ^? :o w d 8 w   
7,john #g3ag71 & we d h ?is def9ition ( 
love3 ,?is is ! love ( ,god1 t we keep 8
 comm&m5ts4 ,feel+s h no?+ to d ) !     
keep+ ( ,god's comm&s4 ,( c\rse1 x is m 
pleasant to u to d :at we feel incl9$ to
 d1 b x does n necess>ily give m        
pleasure to ,god4 ,if we obey ,god      
because he is ,god & because x is "r to 

obey him1 we act f pure love1 & !       
pleasure ,god feels t[>d su* s]vice w 9 
"t be p\r$ out ^u ! s\l 9 /reams ( love1
 & !re w be all ! feel+ desir$4  ,?us1  
,i saw t if ,i will$ to love ,god & act$
 z ne>ly z possible z ,i %\ld act if ,i 
felt ! gl[ ( 8 love 9 my he>t1 ?is 0 m  
acceptable to him ?an ! same s]vice w\ld
 be if r5d]$ because my feel+s prompt$  
me to d x4   ,,victory ,,ov]            
,,accusations  ,9 act+ ^u ?is tru?1 ,i 0
 (t5 accus$ ( be+ a hypocrite1 because  
my pray]s1 my manife/ations ( love &    
int]e/ 9 o!rs1 & :atev] ,i did = ! ,"l1 
seem$ unreal & /ra9$4 ,"h1 h[ev]1 fai?  
came to my rescue1 enabl+ me to say to  
,satan3 ,no1 ,i am n a hypocrite4 ,i "k 
t ,i d n feel l do+ :at ,i am do+2 ,i "k
 t ,i am n gett+ any p>ticul> pleasure  
out ( x4 ,b ,i d n des]ve any pleasure1 
& ,i %all cont9ue to d ! be/ ,i c to    
prove to ,god t ,i d love him & am try+ 
to give him pleasure4 ,if he nev] sees  
fit to give me back aga9 ! joy :i* ,i   
=m]ly _h 9 8 s]vice1 t is 8 bus9ess4    

,m9e is to love & s]ve4 ,let him d z he 
w ) 8 own4  ,x 0 all v dry & h>d at     
fir/1 = ! old d\bts ab\t be+ 8 :5 ,i did
 n feel 8 pres5ce1 knock$ h>d =         
admittance2 b ,i 0 enabl$ to meet !m    
always ) ! same confid5ce3 ,i c n d\bt t
 he loves me n[1 :e!r ,i seem to love   
him or n2 = did he n 'love me & give    
himself = me' :5 ,i 0 n try+ to s]ve him
 at all8 ,anyway1 my salvation does n   
dep5d ^u my love = him1 b ^u 8 = me4 ,b 
,i ,,w love him & prove x by tru/+ &    
obey+ him4 ,?is is all ,i c d2 ! re/ ,i 
leave ) him4 ,! te/ 0 a long "o1 & a    
lesson t ,i %all n =get4  ,:51 at la/1  
,god saw t ,i w\ld ask only = ability to
 satisfy & please him1 :e!r ,i felt     
pleas$ & satisfi$ or n1 !re came into my
 s\l gradually light & joy1 & oh6 su* a 
sweet s5se ( 8 pres5ce4 ,praise 8 "n6 ,!
 love & o!r graces ,i !n felt 9 my s\l1 
,i c\ld n boa/ (1 h[ev]1 = !y all came f
 & belong$ to him2 & :5 ,i 0 enabl$ aga9
 to b[ be=e him ) a sweet s5se ( love & 
rev]5ce1 ,i felt t 9 ador+ & lov+ him1  

,i 0 n br++ to him some?+ ( my own1 b   
only return+ to him t :i* he _h giv5 me4
 ,i felt z ,i _h n = ye>s t    ,! graces
 )9 are n m9e2     ,= ! love & ! p[] & !
 glory   ,belong to ! ,savior div9e4    
,,locat+ ,,myself ,,spiritually  ,"o o!r
 po9t ( :i* ,i mu/ speak 9 ?is          
connection is ! difficulty ,i exp]i5c$ 9
 endeavor+ to locate myself spiritually 
:5 9 ! mid/ ( ! confusion ,i h describ$4
 ,c\ld ,i be sav$ at all :5 9 su* a     
/ate8 ,did ,i ne$ to rep5t1 or only try 
to d bett]8 ,7 my c>eless actions &     
?\ghtless words s9s1 or only mi/akes8   
,=tunately1 ,i 0 advis$ n to try to     
figure out s c>efully :at 0 s9 & :at 0  
n1 b to pres5t to ,jesus any?+ t tr\bl$ 
me1 & to tru/ him implicitly to "w 9 me 
! victory t ,i ne$$4 ,by humbly confess+
 my weakness & claim+ ! promise ( ,phil4
 #b3ac1 ,= x is ,god t worke? 9 y bo? to
 w & to d 8 good pleasure1 ,i 0 enabl$  
to ga9 victory almo/ imm$iately ov] _m  
faults & failures ) :i* ,i _h wre/l$    
long & ov] :i* ,i c\ld nev] h gott5     

victory if ,i _h sp5t my "t pick+ e     
failure to pieces to f9d out :e!r x 0   
some?+ ( :i* ,i ne$$ to rep5t z a s9 or 
only a mi/ake4 ,i felt t ,god 0 pleas$  
to h me humbly confess & tru/+ly turn   
ov] to him = correction any & e error   
:e!r x seem$ to me s]i\s or n4  ,x w\ld 
take too mu* space to tell "h ( all !   
*anges :i* 7 wr\ght 9 me by ^!          
exp]i5ces4 ,suffice x to say t life has 
be5 diff]5t ev] s9ce4 ,n t ,i h always  
felt ! ,"l j z ne>1 = he has ne$$ to    
rem9d me ( ! lessons ,i h record$ & to  
tea* me o!rs2 b :e!r he seems ne> or f>1
 ,satan has nev] succe$$ 9 mak+ me fe> &
 d\bt4 ,i h le>n$ t :e!r ,god leads 9   
light or 9 d>kness1 he ,,is lead+ & ,i h
 no?+ to fe>4 ,if d>kness comes ^u me1 x
 is = a purpose1 & ,i c wait pati5tly ^u
 him until he makes t purpose kn[n4     
,submissively to wait & pati5tly to tru/
 9 him till he reveals 8 purposes is my 
"p4 ,8 "p is to lead & take c>e ( me1 & 
?is1 ,i am sure1 he w d unto ! end4     
,!re=e ,i h no responsibility except to 

g on obey+ & tru/+ him4 ,:atev] bo!rs or
 tr\bles me 9 myself or o!rs ,i lay at 8
 feet1 expect+ him to give me victory if
 ! tr\ble be 9 myself1 or to br+ x out 9
 8 own good way if x be 9 o!rs4 ,& ?us  
my s\l has rea*$ & abides 9 t weal?y    
place :]e no h>m c ev] come & :]e ! s\l 
is kept 9 p]fect peace4     ,lib]at$ f  
,faultf9d+  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ad   ,= 
! glory ( ,god & ! enc\ragem5t ( o!rs ,i
 wi% to te/ify aga9/ ! evil ( faultf9d+4
 ,soon aft] ! beg9n+ ( my ,*ri/ian      
exp]i5ce1 ab\t twelve ye>s ago1 ,i 0    
sev]ely h>ass$ by ?is adv]s>y ( my s\l4 
,s cunn+ly 7 my eyes bl9d$ to my real   
condition t ,i 0 almo/ ov]:elm$ at times
 ?r\gh ! work+s ( ?is dang]\s influ5ce4 
,at times ,i w\ld be almo/ free f x1 b v
 mu* ( ! "t ,i seem$ to h a peculi>     
faculty ( f9d+ ! mote 9 ! eyes ( o!rs & 
0 nev] aw>e ( ! beam 9 my own eye4 ,i   
c\ld see s mu* to pick at 9 "s bre?r5 t 
!re 0 no "t left = me to /ep aside &    
occasionally take myself into acc\nt &  
see myself z o!rs saw me4 ,i ?\ght ,i   

c\ld conduct "s affairs ov] :i* o!rs _h 
*>ge1 s mu* bett] ?an !y 7 be+ conduct$1
 t ,i 0 at times uncom=table because ,i 
did n h a *ance to %[ :at ,i c\ld d4 ,x 
is ne$less to say t dur+ ! "t t ,i 0 a  
prey to ?is wick$ _s1 ,i _h little1 if  
any1 spiritual life2 b ,i tri$ to       
conv9ce myself t ,i 0 do+ q well4 ,!re  
01 h[ev]1 a blank or a real lack 9 my   
,*ri/ian life1 because ,i _h n le>n$ to 
be an ideal ,*ri/ian 9 humility be=e    
,god & meekness t[>ds my fell[ m54  ,z  
soon z ,i pass$ ?r\gh en\gh sad         
exp]i5ces to make me ! happy possessor (
 a will+ _s1 ,i began to realize t ,i 0 
le>n+ ! necess>y lessons & ?r\gh ^!     
trials & tribulations ,i began to h a   
little und]/&+ ( ! cause & root ( my    
tr\ble4  ,!re 7 ?ree happ5+s t aid$ 9   
awak5+ me to my ne$4 ,! fir/ "o 0 a few 
ye>s ago1 :5 ,i receiv$ f a bro!r a     
lett] 9 :i* he said1 ,bro!r1 y ne$      
cont9uity4 ,t repro( f\nd its place 9 my
 he>t1 & ! fir/ se$ 0 s[n t[>d a h>ve/ (
 will+ness4 ,al?\gh x br\ght no imm$iate

 results1 yet x /ay$ by me & 0 v prom95t
 be=e me _m times4  ,! second lesson 0  
br\ght to me ?r\gh a s]mon4 ,! si/] :o  
deliv]$ ! s]mon relat$ ! exp]i5ce ( a   
bro!r :o _h ye>s ( difficulty 9 reg>d to
 f9d+ fault ) o!rs1 & :o f9ally conclud$
 t ! tr\ble 0 m ) him ?an ) ^? he       
criticiz$4 ,i began to see my own case a
 little cle>]1 b ,i did n fully le>n !  
lesson until sometime lat]4  ,my ?ird   
lesson came 9 ! foll[+ mann]3 ,a bro!r 9
 :om ,i _h "s confid5ce came to my home 
& ask$ = a position1 :i* ,i secur$ =    
him4 ,we admitt$ him into our home = 8  
com=t z well z = our pleasure           
spiritually1 z we suppos$ he w\ld be a  
help to u4 ,x 0 n long1 h[ev]1 until x  
seem$ !re 0 no?+ t escap$ 8 faultf9d+4  
,he saw m\nta9s ( fault ) u & our       
*ildr54 ,at la/ ,i saw 9 8 case a       
picture ( :at ,i myself _h done dur+ !  
pa/1 b ,i _h bani%$ f my life all ?\ghts
 ( ev] aga9 be+ influ5c$ by su* a       
faultf9d+ _s4 ,nev] be=e _h ,i be5 able 
to see ! picture ( my =m] condition z ,i

 saw x :5 fully manife/$ 9 ! life ( ?is 
bro!r4  ,al?\gh x _h be5 my desire & no 
d\bt 8 full int5tion to d :at 0 "r1     
nev]!less ?is evil habit1 if ,i may call
 x su*1 _h ga9$ su* a foo?old 9 my life 
& 9 8 life z to be a h9drance to our own
 spiritual progress & a /umbl+-block 9 !
 way ( o!rs4 ,?is habit ( faultf9d+ by  
^? :o are claim+ to be *ildr5 ( ,god has
 caus$ !m to w&] f ! true pa?s (        
righte\sness into =bidd5 pa?s1 & also to
 turn _m o!rs f ! pa? t leads to ev]la/+
 life4  ,x is ) mu* gratitude to ,god t 
,i und]take to tell ( my deliv]ance f t 
great b>ri] & h9drance to my spiritual  
progress4 ,:5 ,i came to ! po9t :]e ,i  
humbl$ my he>t be=e ! ,"l & let him turn
 ! se>*light ^u me1 ! faults 9 o!rs 7 n 
s great1 b m9e _h seem$ to climb m\nta9 
high4 ,x 0 ) a det]m9ation & positive   
decision to turn f su* ?+s2 & ! ,"l1    
und]/&+ my int5tions 9 reg>d to ^? ?+s1 
took note ( my humility ( he>t & deliv]$
 me1 = :i* ,i give him all ! praise &   
glory4 ,may ! de> ,"l help u all to be> 

) ea* o!r1 & =be> compla9+1 ev5 ?\gh x  
may at times seem necess>y4 ,i am sure x
 w br+ ab\t a great measure ( ! grace ( 
,god4     ,help f ,god 9 ,fi]y ,trials  
,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ae   ,:5 ,i ?9k ( ! 
great m]cy & love ( ,god t foll[s aft] a
 s\l & rememb] t he kn[s all ab\t !     
?\ghts & int5ts ( ! he>t1 truly ,i /& 9 
awe be=e him4 ,s9ce he kn[s all & has   
all p[]1 c we n tru/ him :5 we give     
ourselves into 8 h&s to be mold$ into 8 
image to %9e = him8  ,n e "o t sai? unto
 me1 ,"l1 ,"l1 %all ent] into ! k+dom ( 
heav51 b he t doe? ! w ( my ,fa!r4 ,e "o
 :o w give all into 8 h&s w be br\ght   
?r\gh ! fire1 accord+ to ,ze*4          
#ac3i--;,& ,i w br+ a ?ird "p ?r\gh !   
fire1 & w ref9e !m z silv] is ref9$1 & w
 try !m z gold is tri$3 !y %all call on 
my "n1 & ,i w he> !m3 ,i w say1 ,x is my
 p3 & !y %all say1 ,! ,"l is my ,god4 ,9
 tell+ "s exp]i5ces 9 ! furnace-flames1 
,i wi% to lose sight ( ev]y?+ except to 
be a help & enc\ragem5t to ^? :o are 9  
trial4  ,9 writ+ my exp]i5ce1 ,i %all   

f9d x necess>y to make m5tion ( "s ( !  
sad ?+s conc]n+ my husb&1 a fact :i* ,i 
v mu* regret4 ,b ,i tru/ t de> s\ls w   
take w>n+ & realize t !re is no limit to
 ! "w ( ! enemy :5 once he ga9s         
possession4 ,i %all nev] cease to be    
?ankful = ! fir/ copies ( a pap] call$ !
 ,gospel ,trumpet ,i ev] saw4 ,?r\gh my 
read+ !m1 conviction 0 s5t to my s\l by 
! ,_s ( ,god2 b be+ unwill+ to meet !   
necess>y conditions1 ,i resi/$ !        
convictions & put ! pap]s aside4  ,"s   
mon?s aft]w>ds :ile se>*+ = some?+1 ,i  
came across ^? pap]s1 & imm$iately t    
same conviction return$1 b aga9 ,i      
resi/$ x4 ,my heal? fail$1 & ,i cont9u$ 
to decl9e until ,i 0 almo/ 9 ! jaws (   
dea?4 ,physicians c\ld d no?+ = me4     
,dur+ ?is "t ,god 0 do+ 8 be/ to get me 
to und]/& t if ,i w\ld give up he w\ld  
save & heal me4 ,at la/ ,i yield$1 & he 
sav$ my s\l & heal$ me1 & f t day until 
?is1 :i* has be5 m ?an eighte5 ye>s1 ,i 
h be5 fasc9at$ by ! *>ms ( a ,*ri/ian   
life4   ,,! ,,beg9n+ ,,( ,,p]secutions  

,= a long "t ,i did n meet ) any        
p]secution 9 my home1 z my husb& saw !  
light ( ! gospel & believ$ x to be !    
tru?1 b 0 n will+ to walk 9 x4 ,god     
foll[$ aft] him ) love & long-suff]+4   
,"t aft] "t he resi/$ ! conviction1 b   
f9ally ! ,_s succe$$ 9 break+ up 8 he>t 
& %[$ him :at he mu/ d to make 8 wrongs 
"r4 ,he began mak+ a pr(ession (        
religion1 b refus$ to make all 8 wrongs 
"r1 & 9 a %ort "t ! enemy took          
possession ( him1 :]eupon he turn$ aga9/
 ,god & aga9/ me1 & grew worse & worse4 
,n[ ! furnace-flames became hot4 ,he 0  
re/less & c\ld n be cont5t to /ay any:]e
 v long at a "t1 & ev]y:]e we w5t he set
 ab\t to turn ! p aga9/ me by tell+     
untru?s to ga9 sympa?y4 ,he 0 v cruel to
 ! *ildr5 & me4  ,aft] we mov$ to a     
small t[n 9 nor!rn ,kansas1 ^! words    
came vividly to my m9d3 ,fe> none ( ^?  
?+s :i* %all come ^u !e4 ,) ! cruelty & 
p]secution came a sev]e affliction4 ,two
 doctors pron\nc$ x tub]culosis 9 !     
knee-jo9t4 ,x 0 s s]i\s t ,i c\ld n be> 

to be mov$1 & :5 ,i sat 9 a rock+-*air  
,i 0 oblig$ to h some?+ "u ! rock] to   
keep ! *air f mov+4 ,! ?\ghts ( any "o's
 com+ ne> my knee made ! pa9s g ?r\gh my
 limb4 ,at times ,i 0 able to walk "s on
 crut*es by be+ c>eful4 ,my leg 0 swoll5
 f above ! knee d[n4 ,at night ,i _h to 
lie ^u my back ) pill[s "u my knee1 & ,i
 c\ld move nei!r to ! "r nor to ! left1 
& sometimes j to c\gh a little caus$    
almo/ un5durable pa94  ,all ?is happ5$  
dur+ ! mon?s be=e a baby girl 0 born4   
,my family & neighbors did n expect me  
to live1 b ,god /ood by me & gave me ?is
 assurance3 t z ! *ildr5 ( ,israel fac$ 
! ,r$ ,sea ) no possible way ( cross+1 &
 he divid$ ! wat]s & let !m pass ?r\gh1 
s he w\ld 9 l mann] help me4 ,oh1 x 0   
preci\s to tru/ him6  ,j ab\t a week    
be=e ! *ild 0 born1 ! excruciat+ pa9    
left my knee1 b ^u my recov]y x came    
back seem+ly worse ?an ev]4 ,ab\t ?ree  
mon?s lat] ! ,"l heal$ ! disease1 :i*   
has nev] return$4 ,h[ev]1 ,i 0 left a   
cripple1 & h _h to use crut*es ev] s9ce 

t "t4  ,at ?is "t ,i _h eight *ildr54   
,two gr[n boys _h gone f home1 leav+ me 
to c>e = ! o!r six4 ,i _h a great desire
 to re> !m = ,god4 ,?us f> ,i _h sp5t   
mo/ ( my ,*ri/ian life 9 isolat$ places1
 :]e ,i 0 depriv$ ( *ur* privileges4 ,x 
seem$ t all ! ho/s ( d>kness 7 unit$    
aga9/ my det]m9ation to re> my *ildr5 "u
 ,*ri/ian influ5ce4 ,al?\gh ,i _h _m ?+s
 to le>n reg>d+ h[ to d ?is1 yet ,god 0 
pati5t 9 tea*+ me4  ,once :5 an awful   
disc\ragem5t tri$ to settle d[n ov] me1 
& x seem$ !re 0 no mat]ial to "w on1 ,i 
0 com=t$ ?r\gh ! impression t came to me
 9 ! words1 ,god c take a worm & ?re% a 
m\nta91 & ,i h nev] =gott5 ^! words1 !  
?\ght ( :i* is express$ by ! prophet 9  
,isa4 #da3ad1 #ae4 ,i felt t "s :o      
oppos$ me w\ld be glad = me to die s t  
!y c\ld get ! *ildr5 f my influ5ce4     
,once my husb& 0 ?reat5$ ) arre/ =      
cruelty1 & ,i fe>$ t my *ildr5 w\ld be  
tak5 f me & plac$ among my oppos]s1 z "o
 woman _h said !re 7 pl5ty ( homes = !m4
 ,!n ! sc5e ( ,*ri/ be=e ,pilate came   

be=e me & ?is scripture3 ,?\ c\lde/ h no
 p[] at all aga9/ me1 except x 7 giv5 !e
 f above4 ,at ! same "t "o ( !          
organ-keys 0 d[n1 & we 7 unable to      
repair x2 s ,i said1 ,we w tru/ ! ,"l to
 fix x4 ,:5 ! above-m5tion$ scripture   
came to me1 ! organ-key rais$ ( its own 
accord1 & ,i said1 ,is !re any?+ l t 9 !
 ,bible8 & quickly came ! answ]3 ,! gate
 op5$ ( its own accord :5 ,pet] w5t out4
 ,joy fill$ my s\l z ,i realiz$ t !     
mighty ,god ( heav5 0 my help]4  ,at    
ano!r "t ,i made a c>pet :i* requir$    
five ye>s to make by work+ :5ev] ,i c\ld
 f9d "t to d s4 ,aft] x 0 f9i%$ & be=e  
,i _h cut x1 ! ,_s said to me1 :ile ,i 0
 pray+ "o day1 ,s5d t c>pet to ,kansas  
,city to help furni% ! ,mission>y ,home4
 ,my he>t said am51 & ,god made my husb&
 will+1 bless$ my s\l 9 s5d+ x1 & lat]  
gave me a c>pet l>g] ?an ! "o ,i _h     
giv54 ,my husb& _h ceas$ to all[ me to h
 a way to make money ( my own4 ,i 0 n   
p]mitt$ to h ei!r *ick5s or eggs4 ,once 
,i made a hot-b$1 z plants f\nd a ready 

sale1 & ?\ght ,i w\ld make a little     
money 9 t way1 b he f\nd x j z ! plants 
7 com+ up & de/roy$ x4 ,god nev] fail$  
to bless me :5 ,i said am54  ,at "o "t  
:5 ,i 0 9 ne$ ( a pair ( %oes1 ,i w5t 9 
e>ne/ pray] to ! ,"l l a *ild & ask$ him
 = a pair4 ,soon aft]w>ds ,i receiv$ a  
lett] f a si/] 9 ,kansas ,city :om ,i _h
 nev] se54 ,%e 0 giv+ h] entire "t to ! 
gospel "w & _h a little money 9 h]      
possession4 ,9 h] lett] %e said1 ,my m9d
 0 direct$ to y la/ ,sunday dur+ !      
s]vices1 & ,i 0 impress$ to s5d ?is     
money to y4 ,at ano!r "t aft] pray+ = "s
 money1 ,i receiv$ a doll>4 ,i 0 9 ne$ (
 s _m ?+s t ,i ask$ ! ,"l h[ ,i %\ld    
sp5d x4 ,?is answ] came3 ,s5d x to !    
mission>ies 9 ,india4 ,i did s1 & 9 a   
%ort "t receiv$ ?ree pair ( %oes = !    
*ildr51 ( :i* !y 7 v mu* 9 ne$4 ,i _h _m
 simil> exp]i5ces4  ,:5 our baby girl 0 
ab\t ?ree mon?s old1 a de> si/] :om ,i  
_h met & :o 0 liv+ 9 an isolat$ place1  
came to pay me a visit4 ,%e rema9$ 9 t  
community4 ,aft] ab\t a ye> %e 0 eag] to

 gr[ 9 grace1 & :ile %e 0 anxi\sly wait+
 be=e ! ,"l & wi%+ t %e might gr[ l     
,si/] ----1 ! "q came to h]1 ,are y     
will+ to pass ?r\gh :at %e has _h to    
pass ?r\gh8 ,%e _h a desire to d :atev] 
0 necess>y1 b did n feel t %e c\ld v    
well pass ?r\gh su* sev]e ordeals4 ,9   
ord] to be spiritual & gr[ 9 grace1 x is
 n always necess>y = p to pass ?r\gh su*
 sev]e trials1 nev]!less _! consecration
 mu/ be to pass ?r\gh any?+ t w\ld be   
mo/ to ! glory ( ,god4  ,ab\t ?is "t ,i 
_h an attack ( sickness1 & = sometime x 
seem$ t ,i might die4 ,my husb& w5t to  
visit 8 si/] & left me alone ) ! *ildr54
 ,! si/] :o _h be5 /ay+ 9 ! community1  
felt t %e mu/ come & /ay ) me1 & :5 my  
husb& return$1 ! ,"l put x into 8 he>t  
to hire h] = a :ile4 ,! ,"l heal$ me &  
made my husb& will+ = my olde/ daught] &
 ,i to g to a meet+ at ,kansas ,city4   
,?is 0 my la/ opportunity to enjoy a    
meet+ be=e ent]+ a mu* d>k] vale (      
trial4 ,our daught] 0 sav$1 = :i* ,i    
prais$ ! ,"l4 ,my husb& refus$ to hire !

 si/] any long]1 b 9 answ] to pray]     
cons5t$ = h] to /ay z long z %e desir$  
)\t pay = h] s]vices4  ,9 ,decemb] ( t  
ye> a de> baby boy 0 born4 ,! ,"l gave  
me ?is assurance3 ,i w be ) !e 9 six    
tr\bles1 yea1 9 sev5 !re %all no evil   
befall !e4 ,my husb& began plann+ to g  
to ,arkansas4 ,we _h be5 "h ?ree ye>s & 
7 gett+ our home com=tably furni%$1 b we
 le>n$ to take joyfully ! spoil+ ( our  
goods & to see !m sold at a great       
sacrifice4  ,"o day :ile ,i 0 commun+ ) 
! ,"l1 ?is scripture 0 vividly impress$ 
^u my m9d3 ,9 all ?y ways ackn[l$ge him1
 & he %all direct ?y pa?s4 ,at t "t !re 
0 sugge/$ to my m9d ! "n ( a t[n 9      
,kansas ne> :]e ,i liv$ dur+ my         
*ildhood4 ,i did n und]/& :at x meant1 z
 we did n g !re1 b ,i und]/ood lat]4 ,i 
_h always _h an av]sion to liv+ 9 !     
backwoods1 = ,i knew t ! welf>e &       
education ( ! *ildr5 w\ld be neglect$1 b
 ,i ackn[l$g$ ,god's way4  ,! si/] :o 0 
) u 0 will+ to /ay or g ) u4 ,we ask$ ! 
,"l to op5 ! way if he want$ h] to g1 & 

my husb& told h] t if %e want$ to g he  
w\ld pay h] way4 ,!re are _m exp]i5ces  
?r\gh :i* ,i pass$ t ,i %\ld l to       
relate--exp]i5ces %[+ ! my/]i\s ways 9  
:i* ! ,"l help$ u 9 "t ( ne$4 ,i le>n$ t
 ob$i5ce & tru5ess to ,god w br+ u into 
a weal?y place4  ,my husb& w5t ab\t six 
weeks be=e we did & secur$ a location4  
,^u our arrival we f\nd t our home = !  
pres5t 0 sixte5 miles f a railroad1 back
 9 ! m\nta9s1 & t ! roads 7 v r\gh &    
rocky4 ,our h\se 0 a v small "o built ( 
r\gh1 unhewn logs4 ,!re 7 no w9d[s1 only
 "s small %utt]s :i* c\ld be op5$ :5 !  
wea!r 0 n cold4 ,!re 7 pl5ty ( cracks & 
! fireplace 0 a smoky "o4 ,mo/ ( ! p 9 t
 community _h liv$ !re f ! "t ( _! bir? 
& 7 poor4 ,! wom5 us$ tobacco4 ,"s c\ld 
n read1 & morality 0 at a l[ ebb4  ,soon
 aft] be+ introduc$ to our new          
surr\nd+s1 ,i 0 ask$ ^! ?ree que/ions 9 
succession3  ,are y will+ to /ay "h &   
"w8  ,yes1 ,i answ]$4  ,unse5 & unkn[n8 
,yes4  ,n ev5 an obitu>y :5 y die8      
,yes4  ,!re 7 only tw5ty acres 9        

cultivation1 :i* requir$ m h>d "w ?an   
eighty acres ( ord9>y f>m-l&4 ,t fall my
 husb& pur*as$ a hew$ log h\se ( ?ree   
rooms & mov$ x d[n betwe5 ! m\nta9s4 ,x 
_h f\r :ole w9d[s & two half w9d[s1 & we
 nev] knew be=e :at luxuries !y 74  ,we 
cont9u$ to h ,sunday-s*ool1 z husb& _h n
 yet =bidd5 u to h x4 ,he succe$$ 9     
turn+ mo/ ( ! p aga9/ u by tell+ ! usual
 /ories1 only he *ang$ !m to suit ! p4  
,he (t5 us$ ! same :ip = ! *ildr5 & me t
 he us$ = ! horses4 ,8 condition grew   
worse & worse all ! "t4 ,! second summ] 
?ree ( ! *ildr5 _h typhoid fev]4 ,aft] !
 fir/ "o _h be5 ill = n9e days1 we s5t =
 a doctor accord+ to ! law4 ,he said1   
,y\r little girl has a /raight case (   
typhoid well develop$1 & x w take       
tw5ty-"o days = ! fev] to break1 ) ! be/
 ( c>e1 if %e lives at all4 ,i told him 
t my tru/ 0 9 ,god1 b he ignor$ :at ,i  
said4 ,my husb& told him to leave m$ic9e
 & ord]$ me to give x1 n because he _h  
no confid5ce 9 div9e heal+1 b = fe> ( ! 
law1 & to please ! p4 ,%e _h nev] tak5 a

 dose ( m$ic9e 9 h] life & want$ to tru/
 ! ,"l4 ,i submitt$ & gave a few doses4 
,god _h giv5 me witness t he w\ld heal  
h]1 & 9 ?ree days %e 0 sitt+ up & 0 soon
 up4 ,my husb& 0 v angry because %e 0   
heal$4 ,ab\t two weeks lat] %e took a   
relapse & 0 seem+ly worse ?an ev]1 b we 
tru/$ 9 ! promise1 & %e 0 soon all "r   
aga94 ,!n two ( ! o!rs contract$ !      
disease1 b !y 7 bo? heal$ 9 answ] to    
pray]4  ,"o day dur+ ! summ] :ile ,i 0 9
 ! timb] pray+1 a vivid impression came 
to me t ,god 0 go+ to deliv] u out ( t  
place1 & ! "n ( ! t[n :]e we %\ld live 0
 giv5 me4 ,?is 0 ! same t[n previ\sly   
m5tion$1 ne> :]e ,i _h liv$ dur+ my     
*ildhood4 ,oh1 su* rapture fill$ my s\l6
 ,i told my daught]1 & %e said ! ,"l _h 
be5 %[+ h] ! same ?+4 ,?is scripture 0  
giv5 to me3 ,i "k ! ?\ghts t ,i ?9k t[>d
 y1 sai? ! ,"l1 ?\ghts ( peace1 & n (   
evil1 to give y an expect$ end4 ,& ,i w 
be f\nd ( y1 sai? ! ,"l2 & ,i w turn    
away y\r captivity 7,j]4 #bi3aa1 #ad74  
,we _h nev] s5t ! *ildr5 to s*ool "h1 z 

! p 7 s poor & ( su* a l[ grade morally4
 ,i taught our *ildr5 dur+ ! w9t]4 ,at !
 end ( ! second summ] we began pray+ =  
%oes4 ,"o day ! *ildr5 came f ! mail-box
 ) a pair = my olde/ daught]1 & !n 9 a  
few days a lett] came f an unsav$ woman 
:om ,i _h nev] met4 ,%e said3 ,i h "s   
money f ! ,"l & feel impress$ to s5d x  
to y4 ,please write & tell me h[ to s5d 
x4 ,!n we receiv$ f a si/] a lett]      
conta9+ five doll>s4 ,we _h already     
begun to get ready to g to our future   
home4 ,we _h a catalog1 f :i* we ord]$ z
 ,god gave u ! means1 & seldom my husb& 
knew any?+ ab\t x1 = he w\ld n h want$ u
 to h ! money _h he kn[n x4 ,he seldom  
notic$ h[ mu* sew+ 0 go+ on4  ,! ,"l 9  
_m ways enc\rag$ our he>ts1 = !re 7 fi]y
 trials await+ u4 ,a neighbor _h mov$   
away & hir$ my husb& to dig 8 potatoes &
 sweet potatoes4 ,! enemy _h su* control
 ( my husb& t he c\ld n be hone/4 ,my   
daught] help$ to dig !m1 & he told h] n 
to take any pa9s to get !m all1 b %e did
 h] be/4 ,he br\ght ne>ly half a bu%el (

 sweet potatoes home & told me to cook  
!m4 ,i pray$ to "k :at to d & receiv$ ^!
 words1 ,he t swe>e? to 8 own hurt &    
*ange? n4 ,i told my husb& t x 0 n "r to
 keep ! potatoes & t ,i c\ld n cook !m4 
,he flew into a rage & ?reat5$ to kill  
me1 & w\ld n all[ me to come into ! room
 :]e ! re/ 7 until ! light 0 out & !y _h
 gone to b$4 ,x seem$ ! enemy & all 8   
ho/s want$ to take my life4 ,i cri$     
e>ne/ly unto ! ,"l to give me some?+ to 
com=t my s\l1 & he br\ght to my m9d !   
?ree ,hebrew *ildr54  ,a week pass$ & ! 
man return$ = "s ( 8 belong+s4 ,x 0 d>k 
:5 he pass$1 & he 0 drunk4 ,my husb& w5t
 out & talk$1 & no d\bt smoo!d x ov]    
ab\t ! sweet potatoes4 ,:5 he came back1
 he said to me1 ,i told y x 0 all "r    
ab\t ^? potatoes4 ,i did n say any?+1 b 
did n feel "r ab\t x4 ,! next morn+ be=e
 daylight1 he want$ me to cook ^?       
potatoes4 ,i refus$ & told him ,i c\ld n
 cook !m4 ,!n ! battle 0 on worse ?an   
ev]4 ,he /ruck me & want$ me to leave ! 
h\se1 & foll[$ me ) a club until ,i 0   

outside ! y>d1 & !n told me to move on4 
,i w5t out into ! timb] & rema9$ !re1 & 
! *ildr5 br\ght me "s wraps & some?+ to 
eat4 ,!n he ord]$ ! si/] :o 0 ) u to    
leave1 & %e pack$ a few clo!s 9 a       
suit-case & came d[n ! timb] to see me4 
,we p>t$ 9 good c\rage4 ,?is si/] _h1   
be=e ?is happ5$1 receiv$ _m calls to g  
else:]e4 ,"o call 0 f h] bro!r1 :o (f]$ 
h] a good home & support dur+ ! re/ ( h]
 life4  ,%e w5t to a neighbor :o _h giv5
 h] an invitation & /ay$ two days1 & f  
!re to ano!r place1 :]e %e /ay$ a few   
days & work$ = h] bo>d4 ,:ile %e 0 on ! 
way1 ! ,"l gave h] ?is assurance3 ,tru/ 
9 ! ,"l1 & ?\ %alt be f$4 ,:ile %e 0    
!re1 n kn[+ :at to d next1 & be+ taunt$ 
by ! enemy because %e _h n accept$ h]   
bro!r's (f]1 ! ,"l seem$ sweetly to     
:isp] to h]1 ^! words3 ,?is is ! way2   
walk ye 9 x4  ,%e he>d ( a place :]e !y 
might ne$ "s "o4 ,x 0 v muddy & !re 0 a 
drizzl+ ra91 b %e w5t4 ,:5 %e arriv$ at 
t place1 %e f\nd !y did n ne$ h]1 b !   
telephone rang1 & a lady :o _h be5 "o ( 

our oppos]s ask$ t %e come & /ay ) h] = 
a :ile4 ,! scripture _h come to h]1     
,inasmu* z ye h done x unto "o ( ! lea/ 
( ^! my bre?r51 ye h done x unto me4 ,! 
woman turn$ fri5d1 op5$ ! way = h] to   
communicate ) u & to get mail f ! p (   
,god4 ,%e rema9$ !re ab\t a week1 :5 an 
old lady desir$ "s "o to /ay ) h] & gave
 h] a home until ! ,"l 0 ?r\gh ) h] 9   
,arkansas4  ,b return+ to my exp]i5ce 9 
! timb]1 ,i did n "k :e!r ,i %\ld be    
all[$ to return home or n2 b tru/+ ,god1
 ,i return$ 9 ! aft]noon & 0 n mole/$1  
except+ a tongue-la%+4 ,n long aft] ?is 
our two gr[n sons came home on a visit1 
& my husb& told !m awful ?+s ab\t me1   
:i* !y believ$1 & turn$ aga9/ me & d\bl$
 ! p]secution4 ,!y se>*$ ! h\se = books1
 ,bibles1 & pap]s1 & burn$ !m be=e u1   
also pictures ( our fri5ds4 ,!n !y      
tortur$ ! little girls1 try+ to make !m 
promise t !y w\ld n be ,*ri/ians l _!   
"m4 ,^? de> boys :o _h /ood by me 9 !   
pa/6 ,h[ ,i ?ank$ ,god = grace suffici5t
 9 "t ( trial & = ! privilege ( lov+ &  

pray+ = !m4  ,9 ,july ( our la/ summ]   
!re1 my elde/ daught] said1 ,i j feel l 
pack+ my trunk to g to ----4 ,x 0 ! t[n 
,god _h %[n u %\ld be our home4 ,! next 
"t %e w5t = ! mail1 !re 0 a lett] f a   
si/] 9 ! t[n1 say+ t ,god _h tak5 sleep 
f two si/]s & told !m to s5d = h]1 &    
enclos$ a *eck = h] f>e4 ,%e soon       
aft]w>d w5t to t t[n4  ,sometime aft]   
?is1 :ile ! second daught] 0 driv+ = h] 
fa!r :ile husk+ corn1 %e ran into a /ump
 & broke ! wagon-tongue4 ,su* an        
occurr5ce endang]$ _! lives1 b two m5   
com+ along j at t "t sp>$ h] some:at1 & 
h] fa!r s5t h] to ! h\se4 ,i pray$ until
 my fai? re/$ on ! promise = protection4
 ,t night aft] ,i _h gone to b$1 ,god   
inspir$ me ) beautiful ?\ghts ( heav51 &
 ,i got up s s(tly & took a p5cil & pap]
 & wrote ?is poem 9 ! d>k4 ,i c n refra9
 f say+ "h1 ,praise ! ,"l = ^! preci\s  
?+s 9 "t ( trial6     ,,my ,,beautiful  
,,home    ,?\gh poets may s+ ( ! /reets 
( pure gold     ,& talk ( its mansions s
 fair1   ,aft] all x is naught2 ! half  

is n told     ,( my beautiful home ov]  
!re4    ,man's eye has ne'er se5 nor 8  
e> ev] he>d1     ,nor c he e'er picture 
! sc5e2   ,! music's s r>e no "o c      
record     ,! /ra9s ( ! fai?ful1 ,i we54
    ,?\gh art has portray$ fair angels (
 light     ,9 t9ts t enrapture ! m9d2   
',tis gr&] by f> 9 my home ev] bright1  
,:]e ! glory ( ,god is en%r9$4    ,no2  
e> ha? n he>d1 & eye ha? n se51     ,any
 ?+ t w ev] comp>e   ,) ! gr&eur &      
beauty ( t heav5ly sc5e1     ,( my      
beautiful home ov] !re4    ',tis only by
 fai? t gleams f ! l&1     ,:]e !y ne$ n
 ! light ( ! sun1   ,c bright5 ! life or
 light5 ! pa9     ,( ^? :o w he> ! ,well
 done4    ,"s day :5 my toil+ & trials  
are o'er1     ,i %all see ! fair angels 
( light2   ,on _! w+s !y w be> me across
 to t %ore     ,:]e my fai? w be lo/ 9 !
 sight4   ,on ! night ( ,novemb] #bb !  
*ildr5 & ,i 7 alone1 & ,i 0 wond]fully  
impress$ ) ! scripture 9 ,isa4 #de3b1   
#c4 ,x came to me ?ree times dur+ ! day4
 ,! next morn+1 be+ ,sunday1 we 7 /ill  

alone4 ,! *ildr5 7 s++ ,:at a ,mighty   
,god ,we ,s]ve1 :5 ,i he>d a crackl+    
noise &1 look+ up1 saw ! h\se 0 on fire4
 ,i look$ to ! ,"l = pres5ce ( m9d1 & we
 w5t to "w gett+ ?+s out4 ,"o ( ! *ildr5
 said1 ,?is is :at y\r scripture 0 =4   
,p]haps ?is is = our deliv]ance4 ,i     
realiz$ ! pres5ce ( ! ,"l 9 ! :ole      
affair1 & he wond]fully help$ u to save 
all ! ?+s ( importance1 & j z ! fire 0  
gett+ s hot t x seem$ we c\ld d no m1 a 
man came along & help$ u4 ,!re 0 an     
empty h\se ne>by1 into :i* we mov$4  ,! 
p decid$ to help my husb& build ano!r   
h\se1 & !y began "w4 ,?us1 x appe>$ t we
 %\ld h to rema9 !re always2 b ! *ildr5 
& ,i took no notice ( x4 ,i told ! ,"l  
he knew !re 0 m clo?+ we ne$$ yet1 &    
ask$ him1 to give me1 :5 x 0 "t1 ! money
 to get ! goods4 ,9 a %ort "t ,i receiv$
 x1 & we 7 busy sew+ until late at      
night1 & ! ,"l gave me su* a glori\s    
assurance ( deliv]ance4  ,i _h two      
trunks pack$ full1 mo/ly ) clo?+4 ,husb&
 said "o day1 ,i believe ,i w trade !   

place4 ,i did n "k :at to say1 z ,i knew
 ,god 0 do+ ! manag+4 ,9 a few days he  
trad$ x & decid$ to g ab\t tw5ty miles  
nor? & r5t "s l&4 ,?is 0 ab\t ! fir/ (  
,febru>y1 & he want$ to />t 9 ,m>*4 ,!  
man :o own$ ! h\se :]e we 7 liv+1 came &
 want$ x1 & s we put up a small t5t to  
live 9 ! re/ ( ! "t4 ,x began ra9+ &    
ra9$ h>d ! mo/ ( ! "t = two or ?ree     
weeks4 ,ev]y?+ 0 s damp1 b ,god's hall[$
 pres5ce made all ?+s be>able4  ,my     
husb& plann$ to take two teams & h me   
drive "o4 ,i knew almo/ no?+ ab\t driv+1
 & ! roads 7 z bad z !y c\ld be1 up &   
d[n m\nta9s1 ov] rocks1 & ?r\gh mud1 &  
,i c\ld sc>cely make a move ( any k9d to
 please my husb&4 ,he also decid$ to    
take tw5ty-n9e goats1 :i* he int5d$ hav+
 ! *ildr5 drive4 ,! morn+ we />t$ ,i _h 
be5 sick all night1 & x began ra9+ & !  
wagon %eet began to leak2 b ,i kept     
tru/+1 & x /opp$ ra9+4 ,our fir/ int]e/+
 exp]i5ce 0 ! horses balk+ 9 ! riv]4 ,x 
took ab\t an h\r be=e we got out4 ,no   
damage 0 done1 h[ev]1 except t ,husb&   

f\nd a roll ( pap]s :i* ,i _h int5d$ =  
di/ribution1 & ?rew !m into ! riv]4  ,we
 camp$ ne> a h\se t night4 ,! next morn+
 ,husb& said1 ,unpack t box & leave !   
di%es "h1 = we are too heavily load$4 ,!
 box _h be5 pack$ ) c>e & conta9$ "s (  
my be/ ?+s1 & ab\t two sets ( di%es :i* 
_h sc>cely be5 us$4 ,he left !m ) "s o!r
 ?+s4 ,"o ( ! girls :o _h walk$ ! day   
be=e became ill4 ,we />t$ on our way up 
a m\nta9 slope1 :i* 0 a di/ance ( ?ree  
miles4 ,aft] we _h gone a %ort di/ance1 
my husb& said1 ,i am go+ back & unload  
"s ( ^! ?+s4 ,he proce$$ to ?r[ out !   
b$d+ & o!r ?+s on ! wet gr\nd &1 leav+  
u1 w5t back & left ! trunks ) ! di%es4  
,bo? trunks 7 unlock$ & !re 7 s _m p :o 
c\ld n be tru/$4 ,i _h tak5 ! address ( 
! p ) :om ,i left ! di%es4 ,we _h no    
clo?+ left except :at we _h on our      
p]sons1 & a few ?+s ,i _h felt impress$ 
to keep out be=e we left home4 ,! trunks
 conta9$ all ! clo?+ = our future home1 
s ,i believ$ t ,god w\ld take c>e ( !m4 
,! roads c\ld n h be5 worse nor m       

dang]\s4 ,"s places 7 s /eep & "o-sid$ t
 x seem$ ! wagon might fall ov]1 & !    
mud-holes 7 t]rible4 ,! team :i* ,i 0   
driv+ gave mu* tr\ble1 z "o mule pull$  
ahead & ! o!r 0 sl[4 ,husb& expect$ me  
to keep !m ev5 & drive ) "o h&1 & he q  
(t5 gave me a lick ) ! same club ) :i*  
he :ipp$ ! mules4 ,two ( ! *ildr5 7     
sick1 & ! jolts ( ! wagon 7 v h>d on !m4
 ,:ile pass+ ?r\gh "s ( ^! exp]i5ces1 ! 
words ( ,paul came to me1 ,9 p]ils (t52 
a night & a day h ,i be5 9 ! deep1 & !  
song1 ,any:]e ) ,jesus ,i ,c ,safely ,g4
 ,i mu/ say1 ,praise ! ,"l1 = he help$  
my fai? to rise above ! situation &     
heal$ ! *ildr5 & protect$ our lives4    
,my husb& fail$ to f9d any l& to r5t or 
"w1 s we kept go+4 ,two ( ! *ildr5 7    
/ill walk+ & driv+ ! goats4 ,on acc\nt (
 ! limit$ space ,i c tell b v little (  
_! exp]i5ces along ! way4 ,"o           
circum/ance1 h[ev]1 t gave u mu* conc]n 
0 t !re 7 _m /reams to cross1 & at "o   
place by driv+ ! goats along on !       
m\nta9-side ! *ildr5 w\ld miss hav+ to  

cross ! /ream sev]al times1 & !y 7      
requir$ to take ! m\nta9-side4 ,x 0 /eep
 & above ! riv]4 ,sometimes !y w\ld     
slide & h consid]able difficulty 9      
/opp+1 & ! goats w\ld run up ! m\nta9s1 
jump on rocks1 & cause tr\ble4 ,my husb&
 drove on & w\ld n wait = !m at !       
bridge1 :i* 0 ab\t a mile f :]e !y />t$1
 & x 0 "s "t be=e ,i saw !m aga91 a "t (
 great anxiety4 ,x 0 "o ( ! times :5 ,i 
_h to tru/ ! ,"l to take c>e ( !m4      
,aft] ! *ildr5 _h driv5 ! goats ab\t two
 weeks1 my husb& sold !m4 ,"o day ab\t  
f\r weeks aft] we left our home1 ,i he>d
 my husb& tell a man t he 0 go+ to ----4
 ,?is 0 ! t[n ! ,"l _h %[n me w\ld be   
our future home4 ,y w rememb] t our     
clo?+ 0 left beh9d1 s t our appe>ance 0 
n pres5table2 b ,i deep5$ my            
consecration & told ! ,"l t if he want$ 
u to g 9 su* a plight1 ,i c\ld say am54 
,be=e we arriv$1 he op5$ ! way = u s t  
we look$ q pres5table1 consid]+ ! fact t
 we 7 travel+4 ,a week be=e our arrival1
 ,i wrote = ! trunks to be s5t to ! t[n4

 ,we arriv$ 9 safety4 ,?ree weeks aft]  
,i wrote = our goods1 !y _h n arriv$1 & 
s ,i wrote aga94 ,we receiv$ a lett] f !
 p say+ t !y _h mov$ & left ! trunks 9 !
 h\se1 :i* 0 n lock$4 ,we gave !m !     
di%es & o!r ?+s 9 ord] to get !m to take
 ! goods to ! railroad1 & ^u ! arrival (
 ! trunks we f\nd !m j z ,i _h pack$ !m4
  ,we 7 n[ glad to be ) ! de> p ( ,god &
 to "k t ! captivity 0 turn$4 ,my husb& 
began tell+ ! usual /ories1 b !y 7 n    
receiv$ ev5 by 8 own p4 ,he became v    
mis]able & al>m$ ab\t 8 own safety on   
acc\nt ( ! p4 ,he left ! t[n1 & has nev]
 be5 he>d f4 ,dur+ ^! ye>s ( trial1 _m  
h\rs ( deep conc]n h be5 sp5t ) a hope &
 tru/ t ! d>k %ades :i* cov] 8 life may 
be swept away & t ev5 yet 8 future life 
"h on e>? may be cr[n$ ) ! bless+s ( !  
,"l & ! pres5ce ( ! ,almighty4 ,i d n "k
 :at ! future holds 9 /ore1 b ,i am     
expect+ "s good ?+s f ,god1 :e!r or n my
 pa?way is /rewn ) trials4  ,9 relat+   
?is exp]i5ce1 ,i h be5 oblig$ to omit _m
 ?+s t c\ld h be5 told & t might h be5  

helpful to o!rs :o are pass+ ?r\gh      
simil> trials1 z !re are s _m exp]i5ces 
t w\ld n be advisable to publi%4 ,i     
believe t ! good "p may be a help &     
enc\ragem5t to _m :o h l trials & t !   
sad exp]i5ces may be a w>n+ to ^? :o    
trifle ) ! m]cy ( ,god4 ,my de> husb&   
might h be5 ) u & happy today in/ead (  
suff]+ an awful =eta/e ( ! regions ( !  
lo/1 _h he only be5 ob$i5t to ! ,"l &   
walk$ 9 ! light ( 8 ,^w4 ,! si/] :o 0 9 
,arkansas is ) u1 & we are work+ toge!r 
= ! ,"l4  ,i h humbly submitt$ ev]y?+   
into ! h&s ( ! ,"l & h be5 bett] able to
 und]/& ! words ( ! ,psalmi/1 :]e9 he   
said1 ,tea* me ?y way1 #j ,"l1 & lead me
 9 a pla9 pa?1 because ( m9e enemies4   
,deliv] me n ov] unto ! w ( m9e enemies3
 = false witnesses are ris5 up aga9/ me1
 & su* z brea! out cruelty4 ,i _h fa9t$1
 unless ,i _h believ$ to see ! goodness 
( ! ,"l 9 ! l& ( ! liv+4 ,wait on ! ,"l3
 be ( good c\rage1 & he %all /r5g!n ?9e 
he>t3 wait1 ,i say1 on ! ,"l4           
,exp]i5ce ( a ,s*ool-,tea*] 9 ,india    

,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #af   ,! message ( ! 
cross is ! same 9 e clime4 ,! ,_s ( !   
,"l w enlight5 all d>k5$ he>ts t are    
receptive to ! tru?4  ,9 ! ye> #aijd !re
 0 a /rik+ occurr5ce 9 "o ( our meet+s 9
 ! ,punjab di/rict 9 nor?we/]n ,india4  
,an intellig5t "y lady1 a native        
s*ool-tea*]1 (f]$ h] s]vices z int]pret]
 "o ,sunday :ile ,i prea*$ on ! subject 
( ! ord9ances ( ! ,bible4  ,%e became v 
mu* int]e/$ 9 ! /ory ( ! cross1 & z !   
prophecy 0 read f ! fifty-?ird *apt] (  
,isaiah1 %e 0 mu* affect$4 ,aft]        
int]pret+ s5t5ce by s5t5ce a vivid      
description ( ! crucifixion-sc5e & !    
/ory ( h[ ! ,savior gave 8 life = !     
salvation ( ^? :o are lo/ 9 s91 %e      
sudd5ly /opp$1 began wr++ h] h&s1 & fell
 ^u h] knees4 ,9 ! bitt] angui% ( h] s\l
 %e cri$1 ,o ,"l6 ,i am a s9n]6 ,i am a 
s9n]6 ,h m]cy ^u my s\l6  ,= a few      
m9utes ! s]vices *ang$ to a pray]-meet+4
 ,h] ef=ts 7 ) su* e>ne/ness & s9c]ity (
 he>t t %e 0 soon able to realize a     
fulfilm5t ( ! promises by fai?1 &       

receiv$ a witness to h] s\l t ! ,"l     
,jesus 0 n[ h] ,savior4  ,%e arose      
rejoic+ & cont9u$ to int]pret ) mu*     
f]v5cy ( _s1 realiz+ ! tru?fulness ( !  
words ( ! apo/le :5 he said t ! gospel (
 ,*ri/ is ! p[] ( ,god unto salvation to
 e "o t believe?4     ,unconqu]$ ,w ,won
 by ,love  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ag       
,"s feet !re be :i* walk life's track   
unw\nd$1   ,:i* f9d b pleasant ways1    
,b !y are few4 ,f> m !re are :o w&]     
,)\t a hope or fri5ds2   ,:o f9d _!     
j\rney full ( pa9s & losses1   ,& long  
to rea* ! end4  ,yet if1 l ,eli%a's     
s]vant1 we c\ld op5 our bl9d spiritual  
eyes1 h[ (t5 we might discov] myriads ( 
angels wait+ only = a submissive _s & a 
surr5d]$ w to plant su* feet ^u         
sub/antial ways ( bless+s & c\rage      
in/ead ( ! ways ( ! w\nds & ?orns &     
crosses4 ,if ,i _h b ! p[] to tell ( "s 
su* exp]i5ces ( my own1 ,i feel x might 
enc\rage "s o!r s\l to surr5d] fully to 
,god a life t o!rwise has be5 a failure4
 ,!re is no d\bt t ,god has m9i/]+      

s]vants ev] ready to wait on ! s\l t    
surr5d]s to 8 w4 ,! difficulty is always
 ! unsurr5d]$ w4  ,:5 ,i 0 ab\t f\rte5  
ye>s old1 an evangeli/ came to our t[n  
to prea* a full salvation1 "o t saves f 
s9 & sanctifies ! s\l4 ,! ,holy ,_s 0   
work+ 9 _m he>ts4 ,"o ev5+ z ,i 0 rid+  
home fac+ ! we/ at sunset1 ,i beheld1 9 
! %ift+ ( ! cl\ds1 a huge black cross4  
,x /ood !re betwe5 me & ! sun4 ,i ?\ght 
( ,jesus dy+ on ! cross1 & t seem$ v    
fitt+1 ?\gh ( c\rse v sad4 ,z ?is cross 
rema9$ !re1 x impress$ me m solemnly1   
until ,i began to realize t !re might be
 a cross = me also4 ,b ,i said3 ,life is
 :at we make x4 ,i d n want crosses2 ,i 
*oose o!r ?+s4 ,at la/ a gorge\s cr[n ( 
! sunset envelop$ ! cross1 & 9 my he>t  
,i knew t )\t ! cross !re w\ld be no    
cr[n4 ,! difficulty _h aris5 betwe5 me &
 ,god4 ,8 m9i/]+ s]vants 7 ready to sp>e
 me ! pa9s & losses1 b my w 0 n         
surr5d]$4 ,i w\ld n be> ! cross4  ,ano!r
 w>n+ came to me a few nights lat]1 :5  
,i 0 invit$ to ! home ( a fri5d to att5d

 a dance4 ,i ?\ght ( ! meet+ & its      
solemn significance1 & felt uneasy ab\t 
go+4 ,i want$ to please ,jesus1 :o _h   
borne ! cross = me1 b ,i ju/ifi$ myself 
9 go+ because ! cr[d 0 select4 ,i w5t to
 my room ?us battl+ ) my consci5ce4 ,i  
knelt z 9 pray] & soon felt :at seem$   
unmi/akably to be ! pres5ce ( "s "o 9 my
 room4 ,i look$ up1 & x seem$ t ,i c\ld 
see ! smil+ face ( ,jesus4 ,sweetness   
fill$ my s\l1 & ! room 0 full ( joy4    
,all e>?ly pleasures fad$ away4 ,i _h no
 desire = any?+ n[ b ?is captivat+      
,jesus4 ,my he>t 0 enraptur$4 ,*ri/1 ,i 
realiz$ !n1 0 suffici5t4  ,?is1 y see1 0
 giv5 t ,i might und]/& h[ ,*ri/ might  
make all crosses easy to be>4 ,to be    
sure1 ?is impression sank deep1 & ,i h  
nev] =gott5 x1 b my w 0 yet unsurr5d]$ &
 unconqu]$4 ,i w\ld n come :5 call$ 9   
sweete/ tones4 ,9 a j\rney full ( pa9s &
 losses1 )\t hope or fri5ds1 ,i walk$   
life's track4 ,god did n h 8 way1 b ,i  
_h m9e4 ,(t51 s (t5 9 ! ye>s t foll[$ ,i
 rememb]$ ! la/ night ( ! revival t _h  

br\ght to my m9d su* s]i\s ?\ghts4 ,at !
 close ( ! la/ s]mon a gospel work] came
 directly to me4 ,i 0 confus$4 ,i _h n  
decid$ :at to d4 ,i did n want to ca/ my
 lot ) ^! p2 ,i want$ to jo9 a m        
fa%ionable *ur*4 ,z %e approa*$ me1 ,i  
:isp]$ to h]1 ,i am go+ to jo9 ! o!r    
*ur*4 ,%e said1 ,be sure y\r he>t is "r1
 b ,i 0 n sure4  ,p]haps if ,i _h _h m  
tea*+ ab\t surr5d]+ my w to ,god1 ,i    
w\ld h yield$ & 9 ?is way avoid$ ! p[]s 
( hell t laid hold ^u me f t "t4 ,i 0   
p[]less 9 ! h&s ( ^! unse5 foes4 ,ev]y?+
 w5t aga9/ me4 ,my life 0 ru9$4 ,!re 0  
no hope4 ,despair 0 my companion = ye>s4
 ,sickness & disease possess$ my body1 &
 s9 became my hat$ ma/]4    ,c\ld we b  
draw back ! curta9s   ,t surr\nd ea*    
o!r's lives1   ,see ! nak$ he>t &       
_s--ah1 if we only c\ld6    ,if we      
knew--alas6 & d we     ,ev] c>e to "k   
,:e!r bitt] h]bs or roses     ,9 our    
neighbor's g>d5 gr[8  ,i att5d$ _m      
*ur*es1 he>d _m not$ prea*]s1 my s\l    
suff]+ ! :ile f awful convictions &     

desires = a high] life1 b )\t a ray (   
light4 ,aft] ye>s ( suff]+ ,i f9ally    
disc]n$ t :at 0 necess>y 0 to make a    
complete surr5d] ( myself to ,god4 ,?is 
,i did ) all my he>t1 hesitat+ no long] 
to be> any cross he saw fit to s5d4 ,i  
made a full surr5d]1 & ,god gave me     
salvation4 ,at ?is "t ,i _h great ne$ ( 
spiritual advice2 = ,i 0 s ignorant ( ! 
laws ( salvation t ,i did n "k t :5 ,god
 _h tak5 away my burd5 ( s9 & wa%$ me   
clean & made my he>t feel s new & light 
& happy1 he _h made me 8 *ild4 ,i knew  
ab\t z mu* conc]n+ spiritual ?+s z a    
hea!n4 ,at la/1 a v de>1 good woman     
became a "m to me4 ,%e 0 ! fir/ p]son :o
 ev] ask$ me ab\t my s\l4 ,%e taught me 
to talk ab\t spiritual ?+s & to und]/&  
!m4 ,%e taught me ! lessons ( tru? f    
,god's own ,^w4 ,%e %[$ me by ,god's ,^w
 h[ ,i might live entirely free f !     
blight ( s91 h[ ,i might dress & eat &  
live to 8 glory4 ,x 0 all v new1 b x 0  
all m pleasant ?an ! *oice/ food ,i _h  
ev] ta/$4 ,%e taught me t by 8 ,^w &    

promises he 0 able & will+ to heal my   
mortal body4 ,physicians said my case 0 
hopeless & t ,i c\ld live b a %ort "t4  
,i did n c>e to live until ,god %[$ me  
,i might live = o!rs4 ,!n ,i 0 ready to 
be> my cross & ,god 0 ready to plant my 
feet on solid gr\nd away f ! pa9s &     
losses t br\ght grief & mis]y to my     
life4 ,bless+s n[ fell ^u my pa?way4 ,:5
 fev] fa/5$ itself ^u me & my body 0 be+
 rapidly consum$ by its fires1 ,god     
in/antly rais$ me up4 ,he caus$ me to   
=get ! ?+s ( ! pa/ & press on4    ,:il/ 
?\ w\ld/ only weep & b[1   ,he said1    
',arise & %9e6'  ,he has giv5 me a life 
victori\s4 ,he gave me a companion &    
little *ildr5 & ov] e adv]sity1         
sickness1 & misund]/&+ he makes me      
victor4 ,:5 my little girl lo/ h]       
eyesight & became bl9d1 ! ,"l heal$ h] 9
 answ] to pray] & re/or$ h] sight 9 an  
in/ant4 ,"t & space fail me to tell ( ! 
victori\s incid5ts ( ?is bless$ life t  
comes f surr5d]+ a w to ,god4 ,ah1 t he 
might h fulfill$ 8 purpose 9 ! beg9n+6  

,x 0 n 8 w t ,i %\ld suff]4    ,c we ?9k
 t x pleases 8 lov+ he>t     ,to cause u
 a mom5t's pa98   ,ah no1 b he saw ?r\gh
 ! pres5t cross     ,! bliss ( et]nal   
ga94     ,an ,exp]i5ce a ,hundr$ ,ye>s  
,ago  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ah   ,i h (t5 
?\ght ( record+ "s ( ! m]cies ( my      
,god--! exp]i5ce ( 8 goodness to my s\l4
 ,i 0 fond ( ! gaieties & follies ( ! _w
 until ab\t fifte5 ye>s ( age1 :5 ,i    
became awak5$ to ! ne$s ( my s\l4 ,9 all
 =m] seasons :5 ,god call$ me1 ,i 0     
unwill+ to "p ) ! vanities ( ! _w or to 
be> ! reproa* ( ! cross4 ,i want$ !     
,*ri/ian's safety )\t 8 duties &        
crosses1 b ,i n[ fell at ! ,savior's    
feet & inquir$ ) trembl+1 anxi\s words3 
,"l1 :at %all ,i d8 ,i w "p ) ev]y?+ or 
d any?+ = an int]e/ 9 ,jesus4  ,i d n   
recollect deep conviction = any p>ticul>
 s91 b sorr[ t ,i _h liv$ s long 9      
neglect ( ,god1 n be+ will+ to acqua9t  
myself ) him :o is ! f\nta9 ( all       
bless$ness4 ,i did n obta9 an evid5ce ( 
p>don & acceptance = ab\t ?ree weeks1   

?\gh ,i s\ght x ) pray] & te>s4 ,my     
burd5 _h become exce$+ heavy1 too heavy 
= my /r5g?1 & ,i sank to ! floor4 ,:ile 
kneel+ !re ,i 0 absorb$ 9 contemplation 
( ! glories ( ! heav5ly _w4 ,9 an in/ant
 d>kness1 sorr[1 & m\rn+ fl$ away1 &    
peace unspeakable & full ( glory took _!
 place4 ,i rose to my feet to s+ &      
rejoice 9 ! "n ( my de> ,r$eem]4  ,i 0  
away f home ) a family :o 7 n ,*ri/ians1
 ?\gh amiable1 k9d fri5ds4 ,i said no?+ 
to !m1 b !y _h notic$ my di/ress & n[   
obs]v$ ! happy *ange4 ,among my private 
writ+s ,i f9d ! transaction ?us record$3
  ,janu>y #ac1 #ahje4--;,i h ?is day    
publicly devot$ myself to ! s]vice (    
,god & ent]$ into a solemn cov5ant ) !  
et]nal ,k+ ( heav5 to r5\nce ! s9ful    
pleasures ( ! _w1 ) :atev] is displeas+ 
9 8 pure & holy eyes2 to walk 9 8       
comm&m5ts & ord9ances2 to seek 8 glory &
 ! be/ int]e/s ( 8 *ur* "h bel[2 & 9    
confid5ce ( well-do+1 to look =w>d to a 
happy inh]itance ) ! sa9ts 9 light4  ,= 
a season ,i ?\ght ,i 0 dead to ! _w1 b  

did n p]sev]e 9 t c\rse ( consecration1 
:i* alone secures unwav]+ hope4 ,z ,i 0 
! only "y p]son 9 ! neighborhood :o     
pr(ess$ religion amid a l>ge society1   
naturally amiable & lov$1 ,i _h _m      
temptations to return to folly1 :i* ,i  
ma9ly resi/$2 b sometimes ,i w5t ) !m   
in/ead ( endeavor+ to br+ !m all to     
,*ri/4 ,"h ,i fir/ exp]i5c$ a dim9ution 
( my happ9ess4 ,i c\ld n g f ! circle ( 
my folly to my closet & f9d my ,savior &
 hold sweet communion ) him1 b ) ador+  
wond]1 ,i rememb] t :5 ,i rep5t$1 he    
=gave me4 ,:5 ,i return$ to him1 he     
heal$ my backslid+s & lov$ me freely4   
,aft] ,i 0 m>ri$1 ,i 0 anxi\s to tra9 my
 *ildr5 9 ! ways ( ! ,"l1 b ?r\gh _m    
c>es & on acc\nt ( hav+ to "w v h>d1 ,i 
neglect$ _! e>ly religi\s in/ruction4 ,i
 f\nd t ,i ne$$ a deep] "w ( grace 9 my 
he>t1 & :5 = ! "t ,i ought to be a      
tea*]1 ,i _h ne$ t "o tea* me aga9 !    
fir/ pr9ciples ( ! oracles ( ,god4 ,my  
pray] 01 ,create 9 me a clean he>t1 ,o  
,god1 & r5ew a "r _s )9 me4 ,i want$ to 

be fre$ f s9 & ?or\ghly cleans$ f all   
iniquity1 s t ,i %\ld nev] vex or grieve
 him m4  ,= some?+ m ?an a ye> ,i suff]$
 mu* f ! buffet+s & temptations (       
,satan4 ,i knew t ,jesus 0 ne> & su/a9$ 
me 9 ^? conflicts1 al?\gh x seem$ t he  
_h left me alone to cont5d ) ! p[]s (   
d>kness4 ,9 ! mid/ ( ^! trials ,i _h    
temptations ( rebellion aga9/ ,god to   
call him unju/1 to reproa* him = creat+ 
me4 ,! temptations came to contradict   
him4 ,i did x1 b oh1 ! horror ( t mom5t6
 ,until !n ,i _h resi/$ e temptation1 z 
,i ?\ght1 b n[ a worm cru%$ to ! e>?    
b5ea? ! m\nta9 weight ( its s9s _h d>$  
to rise 9 ! face ( inf9ite wisdom &     
excell5ce & contradict him4 ,?is1 ,i    
?\ght1 mu/ be ! s9 = :i* !re is no      
=giv5ess4 ,b ,i c\ld weep te>s (        
p5it5ce2 c\ld s9k at 8 feet & own x j4  
,:at less c\ld 8 insult$ maje/y & purity
 d ?an cru% ! rebel worm6 ,b he did n d 
x4 ,n ev5 a fr[n 0 ^u 8 graci\s br[4 ,x 
seem$ t !re 0 salvation = e s9n] :o _h  
n1 l me1 contradict$ him & !reby made   

him a li>4 ,i contemplat$ ! glori\s "* (
 ,god & conclud$ t unless ,i c\ld f9d   
evid5ce t my s9 0 aga9/ ! ,holy ,gho/1  
,i %\ld only be repeat+ t dreadful s9   
:ile ,i refus$ to believe ! promises    
int5d$ = me :5 p5it5t4  ,i retir$ ) my  
,bible spread op5 be=e me &1 kneel+ d[n1
 read & pray$ ov] ! *apt]s 9 ,hebrews   
:i* repres5t ! bless$ ,savior z our     
sacrifice & high prie/4 ,9 ! tw5ty-fif? 
v]se ( ! sev5? *apt] ,i f\nd ?is        
assurance3 ,he is able to save !m to !  
utt]mo/ t come unto ,god by him1 see+ he
 ev] live? to make int]cession = !m4 ,"h
 0 some?+ to meet my case4 ,to ! utt]mo/
 ,i _h insult$ him1 b to ! utt]mo/ he   
c\ld save4 ,i believ$ & "h my s\l ent]$ 
into re/4 ,i embrac$ ! promises1 ri* &  
b\ndless1 z my own4 ,9 ,*ri/ ,jesus !y  
are all !re = me4 ,i felt & said )      
heav5-born confid5ce1 ,?is is firm      
foot+2 ?is is solid rock4 ,my feet are  
plac$ ^u x to remove no m4 ,! view 0 n  
transport+ or raptur\s l my fir/        
conv]sion 7if s x may be call$71 b calm1

 delightful1 /rong consolation1 firm]   
?an ! ev]la/+ hills because f\nd$ on !  
immutable ,^w & oa? ( ,god 9 ,*ri/4 ,x 0
 hope z an an*or to ! s\l1 bo? sure &   
/$fa/1 & :i* ent]e? into t )9 ! veil4   
,elev5 ye>s h pass$ s9ce1 & my peace has
 be5 l a riv]4 ,9 ! _w1 to be sure1 ,i h
 _h tribulation & expect to h1 = ,jesus 
told me ,i %\ld2 b1 bless$ be 8 "n6 9   
him ,i h peace4 ,i love ! subject (     
,*ri/ian p]fection1 or entire           
sanctification 9 ?is life2 b ,i h n be5 
fully able to rea* ! po9t to obta9 t    
deep] exp]i5ce4 ,yet ,i believe ,i      
p]fectly desire to d ! w ( ,god4 ,may   
,god bless ! ef=ts ( all de> bre?r5 :o  
are labor+ to promote ! sanctification (
 believ]s4     ,an ,indian ,"m's        
,submission  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ai     
,to %[ t ,god works ! same 9 ! he>ts ( 8
 p :]ev] !y are1 ,i wi% to m5tion !     
exp]i5ce ( "o ( my ,indian si/]s4 ,h]   
little son contract$ ent]ic fev]4 ,e    
possible aid 0 giv5 him1 b he cont9u$ to
 gr[ worse4 ,! fev] caus$ him to become 

unconsci\s at int]vals4 ,! p>5ts !n     
decid$ to remove him to a hospital1 t he
 might h skill$ att5tion4 ,soon aft] be+
 tak5 to ! hospital1 he became entirely 
unconsci\s1 9 :i* condition he rema9$ = 
weeks1 yes1 = mon?s4 ,he 0 unable to    
take n\ri%m5t 9 ! natural way & became a
 wond] to all :o came to see him1 z he 0
 at ! po9t ( dea? yet did n die4 ,_m :o 
7 n acqua9t$ ) ! p>5ts1 b he>d ( ! case1
 w5t to ! hospital to see him4  ,! fa!r 
& "m sp5t z mu* "t z possible at !      
hospital1 b :5 weeks & mon?s _h pass$1  
!y gave up hope = 8 recov]y4 ,all !     
,*ri/ians :o knew ( ?is *ild's sickness 
7 pray+ = him & felt t ,god only c\ld   
re/ore him to heal?4 ,! p>5ts knew a man
 :o believ$ 9 div9e heal+ & call$ him1 &
 he ano9t$ ! *ild & pray$ = him4 ,he    
became s sick t ! doctor ?\ght he w\ld n
 live until morn+1 & ask$ ! p>5ts to    
rema9 at ! hospital t night4  ,! next   
day ! fa!r & "m w5t = a walk toge!r1 &  
:ile out walk+ he said to h]1 ,we mu/   
become reconcil$ to los+ our *ild1 = x  

seems ,god is go+ to take him4 ,at fir/ 
! "m-he>t c\ld n yield to giv+ up !     
*ild1 b at la/ %e became resign$4 ,soon 
aft] ?is ! *ild rega9$ consci\sness1 b 0
 weak1 & 8 m9d 0 almo/ a blank4 ,he 0 l 
a new-born babe & _h to le>n to speak1  
al?\gh he 0 ab\t n9e ye>s ( age4 ,"s    
?\ght he w\ld nev] be normal aga91 &    
o!rs ?\ght he w\ld be crippl$4 ,s9ce he 
has be5 re/or$ to heal?1 :5 t "m sees   
him enjoy+ ! "r use ( 8 faculties &     
limbs1 h] he>t is fill$ ) ?ankfulness & 
praise to ,god4  ,%e told me t !        
affliction ( _! *ild 0 a means ( draw+  
_! he>ts clos] to ! ,"l1 & ( enabl+ h]  
to exp]i5ce ! sweet re/ ( be+ fully     
submitt$ to ,god1 :]eby %e 0 aft]w>ds   
able to tea* o!rs ! way4  ,j be=e ?is %e
 _h be5 urg+ a b]eav$ fri5d1 :o 0 griev+
 too mu* ov] ! loss ( h] fa!r1 to become
 resign$ to ! w ( ,god4 ,h] fri5d said1 
,y c n appreciate my loss1 = y h nev]   
suff]$ su* a loss4 ,%e saw ! =ce ( h]   
fri5d's rem>k & said no m4 ,b :5 !      
affliction came ^u h] *ild & %e 0 call$ 

^u to become resign$ to ! w ( ,god1 %e  
came to "k n only t x is possible to be 
resign$ b t !re is a great consolation 9
 be+ submissive4 ,:5 h] fri5d aft]w>ds  
came to "k ( h] submission1 %e 0 v mu*  
affect$4  ,bo? my fri5d & h] husb& feel 
t ,god has giv5 !m _! *ild f ! grave1 & 
_! te/imony is t ?r\gh ?is sev]e ordeal 
!y h come to love _! ,savior m4     ,!  
,conv]sion ( ,my ,fa!r  ,,exp]i5ce      
,,numb] #bj   ,! mo/ preci\s exp]i5ce 9 
my life1 ,i believe1 next to my own     
conv]sion1 0 ! salvation ( my own de>   
fa!r1 = :om ,i _h pray$ a ye> & a half4 
,he jo9$ ! ,bapti/ d5om9ation :5 only a 
"y man1 b1 n hav+ ! real witness ( s9s  
=giv51 nev] felt satisfi$ ) 8 ,*ri/ian  
exp]i5ce1 or r 8 pr(ession4 ,a few ye>s 
lat]1 feel+ t he w\ld be act+ a         
hypocrite to g on 9 t condition1 he ev5 
dropp$ 8 pr(ession4  ,eighte5 or tw5ty  
ye>s ago he att5d$ a revival held by !  
,unit$ ,bre?r5 p & began to seek ,god4  
,night aft] night he w5t =w>d = pray]1 b
 = lack ( prop] in/ruction1 fail$ to f9d

 ! peace he s e>ne/ly s\ght4   ,a       
,,disc\ragem5t  ,"o day 9 ?is great     
s\l-/ruggle1 he call$ at ! home ( "o ( !
 m9i/]s to "k j h[ to get rid ( ! great 
load ( s9s he 0 c>ry+4 ,he 0 completely 
baffl$ & disappo9t$4 ,! m9i/] said3 ,x  
is l ?is3 ,a man might be c>ry+ a heavy 
sack ( s& ^u 8 %\ld]s1 & if = "s reason 
!re %\ld come a little hole 9 ! bottom (
 ! sack & ! s& beg9 to escape1 x w\ld   
leak out s sl[ly t x w\ld be sometime   
be=e ! burd5$ man w\ld realize any      
diff]5ce 9 ! weight ( 8 load1 & only 9 !
 end1 aft] x _h all slipp$ ?r\gh a      
little hole1 w\ld he awak5 to ! fact t !
 entire load 0 gone4 ,n[1 j s x is ) y\r
 burd5 ( s9s4 ,z y beg9 to seek ,god1 !y
 beg9 to run out1 b y w n realize any   
*ange at fir/1 & x w take "s "t = y to  
realize t y\r load ( guilt is really    
gone aft] y are fully =giv54  ,poor     
fa!r6 ,he turn$ away sick at he>t1 = he 
long$ = an in/antane\s "w to be done 9 8
 s\l4 ,?r\gh ?is disc\ragem5t he gave up
 try+ to f9d ,god & = _m ye>s cont9u$ 9 

t unhappy1 dissatisfi$ /ate ( s\l & m9d1
 al?\gh he (t5 desir$ to be a true      
,*ri/ian = ! sake ( 8 family z well z = 
8 own peace ( m9d1 & ye>n$ to be able to
 read 8 title cle> to mansions 9 ! sky4 
,9 ! spr+ ( #aijf 8 bro!r & family came 
to make u a %ort visit be=e _! dep>ture 
f ! homel& z mission>ies to a =eign     
c\ntry4 ,= "s mon?s !y _h be5 especially
 burd5$ t at lea/ "o ( our relatives    
%\ld be sav$ be=e !y cross$ ! ocean to  
_! mission field4 ,_! pure1 holy lives  
made a deep impression ^u me1 & ?r\gh _!
 e>ne/ pray]s & fa/+s = my poor s\l1 ,i 
0 con/ra9$ to =sake s9 & yield myself to
 ! ,"l4 ,i 0 glad to embrace ! privilege
 ( be+ ) ! humble p ( ,god :o wor%ip him
 9 _s & 9 tru?1 & to become "o ( !m4 ,i 
_h a feel+1 h[ev]1 t my fa!r might be   
displeas$ ) me = mak+ su* a decision2 b 
:5 ,i met him a few weeks lat]1 my s\l  
leap$ ) joy1 = he express$ himself z be+
 glad t ,i _h giv5 my he>t to ,god1 &   
ev5 made a favorable expression conc]n+ 
my decision to associate ) ! p ( ! *ur* 

( ,god4  ,f ?is "t ,i 0 mu* enc\rag$ &  
det]m9$ to d :at ,i c\ld to help w9 my  
fa!r & o!r lov$ ones to ! ,"l4 ,i (t5   
read to him f ! ,bible & expla9$        
passages ( ,scripture z be/ ,i c\ld1    
especially ^? t cle>ly taught a life (  
fre$om f s94 ,be+ a s*ool-tea*]1 my "w  
call$ me away f home mu* ( ! "t1 b !    
burd5 cont9u$ = ! salvation ( my fa!r4  
,,ef=ts ,,by ,,mail  ,a ye> aft] ! ,"l  
sav$ me1 ,i w5t to a di/ant city to     
engage 9 ! "w ( ! ,"l4 ,"o day ,i wrote 
a few words ( exhortation to my fa!r on 
! blank space ( a little tract entitl$  
,prep>e = ,heav51 & s5t x ) an e>ne/    
pray] t ! ,_s ( ! ,"l w\ld apply !      
little message to my fa!r's he>t4 ,9    
answ] to ?is lett]1 he wrote me ?us3 ,my
 ,de> ,daught]3 ,i w\ld give ?is :ole   
_w1 7 x m9e to give1 = ?is great        
salvation :i* y possess & are writ+     
ab\t4 ,!n he op5$ 8 he>t & frankly told 
me ( 8 mis]able condition & ( h[ v h>d x
 0 = him to get "r ) ,god4 ,he clos$ by 
ask+ me to pray ,god to s5d heavy       

conviction ^u him4  ,x is ne$less to say
 t ,i became m e>ne/ 9 pray+ & fa/+ = 8 
s\l4 ,i felt mu* impress$ to write him a
 helpful lett]4 ,n only did ,i feel my  
inability to d s1 b = lack ( "t def]r$  
writ+ until ,i met ) an accid5t t spra9$
 my ankle badly1 & !n "o day :5 ,i 0    
unable to g ab\t my "w1 ,i 0 rem9d$ ( my
 opportunity ( writ+ to fa!r4 ,z ,i     
began writ+ & p\r+ out my he>t to him1 !
 bless+s ( ! ,"l re/$ ^u me insomu* t x 
seem$ ,i c\ld write sc>cely )\t ef=t2 & 
z ,i mail$ ! lett]1 x 0 ) an e>ne/ pray]
 t ! ,"l w\ld prep>e my fa!r = all t 0  
writt54  ,"s "t lat] my fa!r told me t  
he receiv$ ?is lett] "o morn+ be=e      
breakfa/1 & t al?\gh ! lett] 0 v l5g?y1 
he sat d[n by ! cook-/ove & read x      
?r\gh4 ,he said he m>vel$ at x1 = he _h 
n believ$ t ,i 0 capable ( writ+ ! ?+s t
 x conta9$4 ,i d n rememb] :at all ,i   
wrote1 b ,i d praise ,god t ! lett] _h !
 desir$ effect4 ,/range to say1 ?\gh    
tobacco 0 n m5tion$ 9 ! lett]1 yet :5 he
 _h f9i%$ read+ x1 he ?ru/ 8 h& into 8  

pocket & seiz+ ! ?+ t _h almo/ become 8 
con/ant companion1 & hold+ x up be=e    
?r[+ x into ! fire1 said to my "m1 ) !  
te>s /ream+ d[n 8 face1 ,i'll nev] t\* x
 aga9 if x kills me4 ,?ank ,god1 :o _h  
enabl$ him to make t det]m9$ decision4  
,x meant mu* to him & 0 inde$ a good    
beg9n+ ( 8 complete surr5d] to ,god4 ,i 
_h se5 him try _m times to quit us+ ?is 
?+ t _h s enslav$ him4 ,he _h ev5 gone z
 long z six mon?s )\t x 9 8 e>ne/ ef=ts 
to break loose2 b1 sad to say1 at ! end 
( t "t he _h come to ! end ( 8 /r5g?1 &1
 n hav+ ,god to help him1 he 0 compell$1
 x seem$1 to fully surr5d] aga9 to !    
enemy & ?us become m deeply enslav$4 ,n[
 8 decision 0 v def9ite1 & 9 response to
 8 e>ne/ entreaties to ! ,"l1 ! abnormal
 appetite 0 remov$4  ,! tone ( 8 lett]  
receiv$ a few days lat] indicat$ to me t
 he 0 "u a weight ( conviction & 0 ready
 & will+ to humble 8 he>t be=e ! ,"l4 ,z
 !re 0 soon to be a meet+1 he said 9 8  
lett]1 ,daught]1 w y please h ^? good   
bre?r5 & si/]s pray = me8 ,! ,bible     

tells u t ! effectual f]v5t pray] ( !   
righte\s man availe? mu*4 ,portions ( 8 
lett] 7 read to ! congregation1 & e>ne/1
 f]v5t pray] 0 (f]$ 9 8 behalf4  ,at !  
close ( ! meet+ ! m9i/] & 8 wife        
accompani$ me home = ! purpose ( imp>t+ 
spiritual help to my fa!r4 ,^u our      
arrival we f\nd ,fa!r anxi\s to "k ! w (
 ,god1 t he might f9d real re/ to 8 s\l1
 if possible4 ,he li/5$ att5tively to ! 
conv]sation & in/ruction1 b x seem$ t he
 0 b\nd4 ,he _h a desire to pray1 b said
 x seem$ t he c\ld n d s4 ,he also said3
 ,! ,bible tells u t we %all "k t we h  
pass$ f dea? unto life because we love !
 bre?r51 & n[ ,i mu/ "k x4 ,we assur$   
him t x 0 possible = him to h su* k1 b t
 x mu/ come ?r\gh fai?4  ,aft] sp5d+ mu*
 "t 9 pray] & e>ne/ ef=ts to help him1  
we _h to let ! case re/1 & retir$ = !   
night heavily burd5$ = ! deliv]ance ( 8 
s\l4 ,! next morn+ at breakfa/ ,i c\ld  
see t my poor fa!r 0 suff]+1 & 8        
expression & pallor %[$ t he _h sp5t a  
h>d1 re/less night4 ,surely ! ,"l 0     

grant+ ! reque/ made to me previ\sly by 
lett]1 t he might h a deep conviction4  
,8 appetite be+ gone1 he soon left !    
table4   ,,! ,,surr5d]  ,arrangem5ts _h 
be5 made = him to take ! m9i/] & 8 wife 
to ! city1 a di/ance ( fifte5 miles1 :]e
 !y 7 to beg9 a s]ies ( meet+s4 ,he w5t 
to ! b>n to prep>e = ! trip1 & :ile do+ 
8 *ores1 he />t$ ) a pit*=k ( hay to !  
hack1 b 8 he>t 0 s heavy & ! burd5 ( s9 
s great t 9 ! blackness ( despair he    
cri$ out1 ,o ,"l6 if ,i drop into hell !
 next mom5t1 let me g4 ,i c't /& ?is any
 long]2 &1 dropp+ 8 =k1 he sank to !    
gr\nd on 8 face plead+ = help4 ,! ,fri5d
 t /icke? clos] ?an a bro!r 0 "r at 8   
side4 ,he he>d t cry1 = almo/ imm$iately
 my fa!r 0 up rejoic+ & laugh+4 ,y are  
mock+ ,god1 0 8 fir/ ?\ght1 & q         
dumbf\nd$ he dropp$ on 8 face aga9 &    
tri$ to cry & plead z he _h j be5 do+1 b
 x 0 impossible4 ,8 he>t 0 s light & !  
burd5 s completely gone t he c\ld n     
rema9 pro/rate long]4  ,n[1 /range to   
say1 ?is great *ange 0 all s simple & s 

sudd5 t ! de> man c\ld n compreh5d at ! 
"t ! glori\s fact t he _h j be5 born    
aga91 _h j pass$ f dea? unto life4 ,/ill
 wond]+ ov] 8 *ang$ condition1 he f9i%$ 
8 morn+ *ores4 ,he l$ two frisky colts  
out to wat] & aft]w>d rem>k$ h[         
unusually well !y behav$ on ?is ev5tful 
morn+4 ,:ile !y drank1 he /ood look+ up 
into ! heav5s1 !n out ^u ! mead[s &     
g5]al surr\nd+s4 ,h[ beautiful ev]y?+   
appe>$ 9 ! beg9n+ ( ?is new day6        
,sudd5ly !re came into 8 he>t su* a love
 = ! bre?r5 t he want$ to ru% into !    
h\se at once2 b1 hav+ ^? colts1 he _h   
fir/ to return to ! b>n4 ,!n he came    
ha/ily to ! h\se4  ,in/ead ( be+ s borne
 d[n & deject$1 he came ru%+ ?r\gh !    
front door laugh+ he>tily4 ,z he caught 
sight ( me1 ! reality ( ! situation     
dawn$ ^u him1 & he rejoic$ 9 ?is        
new-f\nd life--real ,bible salvation4   
,he /ret*$ out 8 arms to me ov] a rock] 
t /ood betwe5 u & exclaim$ z he embrac$ 
me1 ,o daught]1 ,i believe6 ,be=e he    
c\ld say any?+ m on acc\nt ( 8 great    

rejoic+1 ) a feel+ ( deep love &        
fell[%ip he rea*$ "o h& to ,bro!r ,b4 on
 ! c\* & ! o!r to ,si/] ,b4 9 a rock]   
ne> ! /ove4 ,!n he said1 ,let u pray4 ,z
 we knelt 9 real ?anksgiv+ & praise1 he 
began to p\r out 8 he>t 9 gratitude to  
,god = salvation4 ,inde$1 he 0 no long] 
b\nd by ,satan b 0 free--yes1 a new     
creature 9 ,*ri/ ,jesus4 ,:5 we arose   
rejoic+1 ev5 ! unsav$ memb]s ( ! family 
felt ! mighty p[] ( ,god & ga!r$ ar\nd  
weep+ z we rejoic$ & prais$ ! ,"l = ?is 
great victory4   ,,my ,,own ,,/ruggles  
,,& ,,victories  ,n[ ,i wi% to add j a  
few ?\ghts m 9 conclusion4 ,all p d n   
receive ?is glori\s exp]i5ce 9 j ! same 
way1 or always manife/ x z did my fa!r4 
,x 0 n my privilege at ! "t ( my        
conv]sion to h ! great flood ( good     
feel+s t he enjoy$2 b in/ead ,i let my  
fai? wav]1 & %ortly aft] be+ sav$ ,i    
became s]i\sly tr\bl$ ) d\bts &         
accusations4 ,j aft] my fa!r _h be5     
rejoic+ s happily1 ! devil almo/ cru%$  
me ) ! ?\ght t p]haps1 aft] all1 ,i _h  

nev] be5 sav$1 z ,i _h nev] realiz$ su* 
an exp]i5ce z he _h realiz$4  ,c\ld x be
 possible1 ,i ?\ght1 t ev5 ?\gh ,i h be5
 s burd5$ = my fa!r & h pray$ s e>ne/ly 
= him t ,i am n sav$ & nev] h be58 ,! v 
?\ght almo/ made me fa9t-he>t$4 ,!n ,i  
rememb]$ t ! m9i/] & o!rs _h confid5ce 9
 me1 & ,i knew t my life 0 completely   
*ang$1 z ,i _h really lo/ ! desire =    
worldly pleasure1 :i* ,i once s mu*     
enjoy$1 & _h become int]e/$ 9 ! ?+s (   
,god4 ,9 read+ my ,bible1 ,i saw t my   
life measur$ to its tea*+s s f> z ,i    
und]/ood4 ,!re=e ,i took c\rage & tri$  
to bani% ^! accusations & leave my case 
) ,god4  ,b ! enemy did n =get me1 & x  
seem$ t ,i %\ld be drawn back into 8    
:irlpool ( d\bts 9 spite ( myself1 m    
especially z ,i li/5$ to my fa!r 9 !    
next few weeks tell+ o!rs ab\t          
salvation4 ,x 0 evid5t t he ?\ght e "o  
mu/ obta9 an exp]i5ce ( salvation 9 !   
same mann] t he obta9$ x4 ,my case 0 s  
diff]5t t f9ally ,i c\ld suppress my    
feel+s no long]1 & boldly confess$ to   

him "o day t my exp]i5ce 0 n l 8 & t if 
x ought to be ,i 0 n sav$4 ,nev] %all ,i
 =get t mom5t4 ,x meant s mu* to me4 ,i 
wond]$ if he w\ld lose confid5ce 9 my   
pr(ession & if x 0 really true1 & if x  
c\ld possibly be true1 t ,i 0 yet       
unsav$4 ,^! s]i\s que/ion+s 7 soon      
bani%$ f my m9d1 = he look$ at me &     
said1 ,daught]1 ,i "k y are sav$4 ,y\r  
life has prov$ x4 ,?ank ,god1 he did n  
d\bt x2 s ,i took c\rage & ) a mighty   
ef=t put ! accus] to flight aga94  ,?is 
exp]i5ce 0 good = my fa!r1 z x _h a     
t5d5cy to balance him s t he w\ld n be  
too exact+ ) o!rs4 ,s9ce t "t o!r memb]s
 ( our family h s\ght ,god = ! p>don (  
_! s9s1 & ) "s ( !m ! new life came 9 a 
calm1 peaceful way1 r ?an ) su*         
emotional manife/ations4 ,! lead+s ( !  
,"l are wond]ful1 & ! ri*es ( 8 grace 9 
! ,*ri/ian life are inexhau/ible4       
,my ,spiritual ,/ruggles & ,victories   
,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #ba   ,i 0 re>$ on "o
 ( ! hillie/1 /umpie/1 & /onie/         
,canadian f>ms ,i h ev] se54 ,h[ vividly

 !re come to my m9d my boyhood exp]i5ces
 ( *opp+ cord-wood to pay my high-s*ool 
exp5ses2 ( /ump+1 logg+1 & pick+ /ones  
until ! sk9 0 worn (f my f+]s & ! /ones 
7 /a9$ ) my blood4 ,i !n ?\ght t m9e 0 a
 v h>d life1 b ,i h long s9ce look$ back
 to ^? boyhood exp]i5ces z ,god's way ( 
provid+ me ) a physique t has enabl$ me 
to s]ve ?ree ye>s z a mission>y 9       
,briti% ,nor? ,am]ica1 :]e ! w9ds 7     
int5sely cold & :]e ,i 0 once =         
tw5ty-f\r h\rs lo/ 9 a blizz>d at       
=ty-five degrees bel[ z]o4 ,9 %>p       
contra/1 ,i h be5 tw5ty-eight ye>s 9    
,india's tropical heat4 ,?is 0 a        
prep>ation = my life-"w & 9 my judgm5t  
is ,god's g5]al me?od ) all 8 p4  ,:5 ,i
 0 a boy ( t5 summ]s1 a boyhood fri5d ( 
my fa!r's visit$ him4 ,!y 7 tak+ a walk1
 &1 unnotic$1 ,i foll[$ !m4 ,!n ,i      
ov]he>d my fa!r's fri5d praise my bro!rs
 & si/]s1 b say ( me1 ,frank w nev]     
am\nt to mu*4 ,my fa!r vigor\sly prote/$
 & sang my praises until ,i made ?is    
resolution3 ,i mu/ n disappo9t my fa!r4 

,i w d some?+ wor?y ( consid]ation4 ,t  
h\r ,i 0 intellectually awak5$4  ,p>5ts1
 let y\r "y p "k t y believe 9 !m4 ,ab\t
 ! same "t our pa/or prea*$ a mission>y 
s]mon1 at ! end ( :i* he circulat$ a    
subscription4 ,:5 ! pap] came to me1 ,i 
said to my fa!r1 ,may ,i subscribe8 ,he 
repli$1 ,if y e>n & pay y\r own money1 y
 may4 ,i subscrib$ "o doll>4 ,i _h x    
e>n$ long be=e ! collectors came ar\nd1 
& wi%$ ei!r t ,i _h subscrib$ m or t !  
collectors might come soon4 ,t          
subscription 0 ! beg9n+ :i* end$ 9 my   
giv+ myself4 ,p>5ts1 give y\r *ildr5 a  
*ance to l9k !mselves def9itely ) ,jesus
 9 sav+ a lo/ _w4   ,,my ,,conv]sion    
,:5 ,i 0 a boy ( ab\t ?irte51 my fa!r   
said to me "o ev5+ at ! sett+ ( ! sun1  
,wat] ! /ock4 ,soon "s boys arriv$1 &1  
be+ a real boy1 ,i =got my "w & play$4  
,a little lat] my fa!r ask$1 ,h y done  
:at ,i told y8  ,yes1 fa!r1 ,i repli$4  
,he knew ,i _h n1 & ,i ev5 n[ recall t  
he said n a ^w b walk$ away 9 ! twilight
 s burd5$ & b[$ because ( he>+ a        

falsehood f 8 own boy t x sudd5ly gave  
him ! appe>ance ( an old man4 ,! boys   
left1 & ,i wat]$ ! /ock4 ,!n1 boy l1 ,i 
=got1 w5t to b$ & slept4 ,dur+ ! next   
=5oon ,"m call$ me to h] & said3  ,d y  
"k y\r fa!r nei!r w5t to b$ nor slept   
all la/ night8  ,i repli$1 ,no1 ,"m1 ,i 
d n "k4 ,:y didn't he sleep8  ,"m's     
answ] 01 ,y\r fa!r sp5t all la/ night   
pray+ = y4  ,my sa9tly "m's words & te>s
 w5t ?r\gh my he>t l an arr[ & rang l a 
bell 9 my e>s1 & ,i became p[]fully     
convict$ ( s94 ,j foll[+ t a s]ies (    
revival meet+s 7 held :i* cont9u$ =     
sev]al weeks4 ,i became a seek] & _h no 
re/ until ,i f\nd x 9 p5it5ce & a       
consci\sness ( p>don$ s94 ,i 0 ! only   
conv]t dur+ ! meet+s1 & critics said1   
,he w backslide 9 a few weeks4 ,!       
revival is a failure4 ,b ,i am "h to    
tell ! /ory t ,i am /ill sav$ by grace4 
,i c\ld nev] rew>d my fa!r = t night (  
prevail+ pray]1 b he liv$ to see me     
become a m9i/]1 a mission>y1 & to hold !
 highe/ position on ! mission field1 &  

!n ! ,"l call$ him to 8 et]nal rew>d4   
,my "m ent]$ into re/ ab\t two ye>s     
previ\s to t "t4  ,x is my hope & pray] 
t ! /ory ( my fa!r's night ( prevail+   
pray] may enc\rage o!r p>5ts to pray z  
he did4 ,p>5ts may n always ?r\gh pray] 
be able to break ! wills ( _! *ildr5 &  
compel !m to surr5d] to ,jesus1 b ,i d  
believe t my fa!r pray$ until ,god s5t  
su* conviction ?r\gh ! ,holy ,_s t s9   
became su* an unbe>able burd5 t ,i      
gladly yield$ my w to ! w ( my ,god2    
pray$ until my s9s 7 p>don$1 ! burd5    
remov$1 & ,i 0 g5u9ely conv]t$4 ,i      
firmly believe t ! same heav5ly ,fa!r w 
he> ! cry ( o!r p>5ts1 & = _!           
enc\ragem5t ,i leave ?is te/imony       
conc]n+ ,god's answ] to my fa!r's f]v5t 
pray]s4  ,aft] my conv]sion ,i rejoic$  
_m days 9 ! delight ( t preci\s         
exp]i5ce4 ,= mon?s ,i _h a real &       
preci\s joy 9 ! consci\sness ( p>don$   
s91 b aft] a "t ,i f\nd t ,i did n h a  
cont9u\s1 abid+ peace & re/4 ,!re 0 a   
long+ = some?+ m ?an x seem$ ,i n[      

possess$4 ,z a boy ,i tri$ v h>d to be  
good1 & z ,i look back ,i believe t ,i  
liv$ a v correct outw>d life4 ,i liv$   
among a v godly p1 :o set a high ideal  
be=e me1 "o to :i* ,i felt ,i c\ld n    
live4 ,i obs]v$ my daily pray]s1 b      
suff]$ _m an inw>d defeat4   ,,my       
,,spiritual ,,/ruggles  ,i c n n[ recall
 t ,i ev] he>d a s]mon on he>t-purity or
 victory ov] ! p[] ( s94 ,no p]son 9 !  
congregation :]e our family att5d$      
meet+s pr(ess$ hol9ess1 nor d ,i rememb]
 t ! exp]i5ce 0 talk$ ab\t4 ,! p did    
speak ( hav+ religion & m religion4 ,!re
 7 p 9 ! congregation :om ,i /ill       
believe liv$ holy lives1 & ! te/imony ( 
_! lives convict$ me1 = ,i knew t !y _h 
an abid+ joy & peace 9 _! religion t ,i 
_h n4 ,i !re=e became v mu* dissatisfi$ 
) my inn] life & 0 /ruggl+ all ! "t = an
 exp]i5ce su* z ,i knew o!rs enjoy$4  ,!
 weekly te/imony ( a man :o att5d$ our  
pray]-meet+s 01 ,i h j en\gh religion to
 make me mis]able4 ,t is1 he _h too mu* 
religion to get 8 pleasure out ( ! _w & 

n en\gh to get x out ( 8 religion4 ,i   
always felt t t man told ! exp]i5ce ,i  
!n _h4 ,= ?ree ye>s ,i endur$ t exce$+ly
 unsatisfactory religi\s exp]i5ce4 ,i !n
 att5d$ a revival & w5t =w>d = pray]    
night aft] night1 b no relief came to my
 poor burd5$ he>t4 ,z my case became m  
desp]ate1 ,i recall$ ! /ory ( ,jacob4   
,he pray$ until ! morn+1 & at ! ris+ ( !
 sun ! angel appe>$ & bless$ him4 ,i    
sp5t sev]al nights 9 pray]1 b f\nd no   
relief4   ,,ga9+ ,,! ,,victory  ,on     
,saturday morn+ ab\t sunrise ,i 0 on a  
/raw /ack 9 ! b>ny>d ) a long hay-knife 
cutt+ across ! /ack to loos5 ! /raw to  
fe$ ! cattle4 ,:ile ?us work+ & 9 a     
despond5t1 m$itative mood1 wond]+ :at ,i
 c\ld d1 !re seem$ sudd5ly to float out 
be=e me 9 ! air 9 illum9at$ lett]s1     
,john ?ree sixte54 ,i began to read1    
,god s lov$ ! _w4 ,i reason$ !n t ,god s
 lov$ me t he gave 8 only begott5 ,son4 
,all 0 cle> ?us f>4 ,!n ,i came to t    
all-inclusive ^w1 :osoev]4 ,i /opp$ at  
:osoev] & recall$ ! /ory ,i he>d (      

,ri*>d ,baxt]1 :o said1 ,i w\ld r h ! ^w
 ':osoev]' 9 ,john ?ree sixte5 ?an h    
,ri*>d ,baxt]1 = !n ,i %\ld at once be  
tempt$ to believe x 0 = "s o!r ,ri*>d   
,baxt]4  ,i reason$1 ,i "k t my "n is 9 
t ':osoev]4' ,i !n read on--believe? on 
him4 ,d ,i believe on him8 ,?is 0 ! next
 "q to be settl$4 ,dur+ sev]al ye>s ,i  
_h1 9 competition = a ,sunday-s*ool     
prize1 recit$ ! :ole f\r ,gospels4 ,9   
?\ght ,i ran ov] :at ! ,new ,te/am5t    
said ab\t ,jesus & cri$ out1 ,i believe 
e ^w ( ! gospel2 ,"l1 ,i d believe4  ,!n
 ,i read on--%\ld n p]i%4 ,quick z a    
fla% ,i saw ! weak place 9 my fai?4 ,i  
_h be5 believ+ on ,jesus1 b feel+ t ,i  
%\ld p]i%4 ,at t po9t ,i sprang to my   
feet on ! /raw /ack & read x ov]        
aga9--,%\ld n p]i%1 b h ev]la/+ life4   
,!n ,i saw t ?r\gh d\bt ,i _h treat$ !  
promise z ?\gh x read %\ld p]i% & n h   
ev]la/+ life4 ,i cri$ out1 ,"l1 ,i w    
rev]se x no long]4 ,i w believe x z x   
reads4  ,!n ,i seem$ to h ano!r         
inspiration4 ,i _h long be5 tr\bl$ ab\t 

und]/&+ :at x meant to believe4 ,i _h   
work$ out a !ory t if ,i c\ld = a mom5t 
=get ev]y?+ else 9 ! _w & see ,jesus on 
! cross1 t w\ld be ex]cis+ sav+ fai?2 & 
:5 pray+1 ,i w\ld f9d myself try+ to d  
t4 ,i n[ ask$ myself ?is "q3 ,h[ d y    
believe y\r "m's promise8 ,! answ] 0 at 
once1 ,i believe because ,i believe 9 my
 "m1 ! promis]4 ,! next mom5t ,i realiz$
 t believ+ ,"m's promises 0 n a m5tal   
ef=t & /ruggle su* z ,i _h be5 go+ ?r\gh
 = ye>s1 b a m5tal re/4 ,i j believ$ t  
h] promise 0 true )\t any ef=t :atev]1 n
 because ,i felt x1 b because ,"m made  
x4 ,!n ,i cri$1 ,jesus made ?is promise1
 & ,i believe x4  ,!n ,i wait$ & look$  
aga9 into my he>t = ! feel+1 b no feel+ 
came4 ,i !n saw cle>ly = ! fir/ "t t ,i 
0 tru/+ p>tly 9 ,jesus & p>tly to my    
feel+s4 ,pres5tly ! ,_s %[$ me t feel+  
nev] saves any "o1 t only ,jesus saves4 
,i rememb] t1 /&+ on ! /raw /ack1 ,i    
cri$ out1 ,o ,jesus6 ,i put my all on ?y
 promise1 & ,i w leave all ) !e4 ,b     
alas6 aga9 ,i wait$ = ! feel+ z a       

witness1 & 0 sure x w\ld come1 b x did n
 come4 ,i 0 /ill tru/+ p>tly 9 ,*ri/ &  
p>tly to feel+4 ,at la/ ,i turn$ away f 
look+ = feel+ & cri$ al\d3 ,my ,jesus1  
,i /ake my all on ,john ?ree sixte54 ,if
 ,i nev] h any feel+ & if ,i am lo/1 ,i 
w quote ?is promise be=e !e at ! judgm5t
 & say1 ',i ca/ my little all ^u x &    
tru/$ x1 b x fail$ me4 ,x is n my fault2
 x is ?9e4'  ,i _h f9ally1 aft] ye>s (  
/ruggl+1 come :]e ,i tru/$ :olly 9 ! ^w 
( ! ,"l4 ,!n sudd5ly ,i receiv$ a       
def9ite assurance & great he>t-w>m+     
peace & joy4 ,at la/ ! witness ( ! ,_s 0
 m9e4 ,leap+ f ! /raw /ack1 ,i ran to my
 "m1 ?rew my arms ar\nd h] neck1 & %\t$1
 ,"m1 ,i am fully sav$6 ,i am fully     
sav$6  ,up to t "t ,i _h n _h any tea*+ 
conc]n+ an exp]i5ce ( sanctification or 
hol9ess & _h he>d no te/imonies conc]n+ 
su* an exp]i5ce1 except ! te/imony ( !  
life ( ,*ri/ians :o 7 liv+ x & pr(ess+ x
 "u ano!r "n4 ,!re 0 9 ! congregation   
:]e ,i wor%ip$ a sweet-fac$1 :ite-hair$ 
sa9t :om we call$ ,"m ,rob9son4 ,%e _h  

pray$ a drunk>d husb& into ! k+dom1 & my
 memory ev5 to ?is day recalls h] high  
type ( ,*ri/ian exp]i5ce1 & ,i want to  
be> my /ronge/ possible te/imony to !   
p[] !re is 9 ! te/imony ( a pure1 sweet1
 & k9d life4  ,n[ aft] ye>s ( /udy &    
he>+ ! te/imony ( _m1 x is cle> to me t 
dur+ ^? ye>s z a boy ,i pray$ myself    
?r\gh to ! abid+ life & :at ,i n[       
believe to be ! exp]i5ce ( ,scriptural  
hol9ess1 :i*1 z ,i und]/& x1 is su* a   
fre$om f s91 self-w1 & selfi%ness1 & su*
 a passionate love = ,jesus1 t ! he>t   
longs above all ?+s = 8 approval1       
companion%ip1 guidance1 & bless+1 & t   
gratefully & joyfully gives ,jesus 9 all
 ?+s ! preem95ce4     ,?\ght ,he ,_h    
,s9n$ ,away ,8 ,day ( ,grace  ,,exp]i5ce
 ,,numb] #bb   ,! enemy ( s\ls has laid 
_m plans & has _m devices to deceive p &
 h>ass _! m9ds & !reby cause !m to br+  
unnecess>ily heavy burd5s ^u !mselves4  
,"o ( 8 common impositions is to make a 
p]son ?9k t he has committ$ !           
unp>donable s9 & t all hope ( ev] obta9+

 favor ) ,god aga9 is =ev] gone4 ,:5 su*
 p]sons are told t !y are labor+ "u a   
delusion1 & t !re is hope = !m2 t o!rs h
 felt ! same way & =m$ ! same           
conclusion1 b aft]w>ds le>n$ t x 0 only 
a deception ( ! enemy1 & 7 able to      
r5\nce ! delusion & obta9 a good        
exp]i5ce & keep x1 ! answ] 9 mo/ cases  
is1 ,my case is diff]5t4 ,_h ,i tak5    
advantage ( pa/ opportunities :5 ,i _h a
 *ance to d s1 ,i might h be5 sav$1 b n[
 x is too late4  ,"t aft] "t ,i h labor$
 ) ^? :o 7 sure t _! cases 7 diff]5t f t
 ( any "o else1 & t hope 0 beyond _!    
rea*4 ,! situation & feel+s seem$ s real
 t no am\nt ( reason+ or evid5ce to !   
contr>y c\ld *ange _! m9ds until !y     
became submissive en\gh to submit       
!mselves to ! m]cy ( ,god & accept      
advice & c\nsel & act ^u x4 ,!n !y 7 v  
soon lib]at$ f ! oppressions ( ! enemy &
 set free by ! grace ( ,god4  ,"o labor+
 "u a deception frequ5tly und]goes z    
deep suff]+ ( m9d & s\l z if ! situation
 & conditions 7 real4 ,a lady once      

receiv$ :at 0 suppos$ to be an au!ntic  
report t h] son _h be5 kill$ 9 a railway
 wreck4 ,circum/ances 7 su* t %e c\ld   
receive no communication f him1 :i*     
app>5tly add$ evid5ce to ! tru?fulness (
 ! /ory4 ,h] "m-he>t 0 grief-/rick54 ,9 
! angui% ( h] b]eavem5t %e refus$ to be 
com=t$4 ,lat] %e 0 told t !re 0 a       
possibility ( 8 hav+ escap$ dea?1 t he 0
 probably yet alive1 & t evid5ce _h be5 
receiv$ to t effect4 ,no1 h] feel+s 7   
too real1 h] grief 0 too great1 = h] to 
be deceiv$1 %e decl>$4 ,"o day h] son   
arriv$ home s\nd & well1 & did n ev5 "k 
t !re _h be5 a tra9-wreck at ! place    
:5ce ! report came4 ,! "m !n f\nd t h]  
sorr[ & grief _h be5 gr\ndless4 ,%e     
accept$ ! /atus ( affairs1 ca/ aside !  
false report & h] bad feel+s1 & 0 happy4
  ,n long ago ,i met an old acqua9tance1
 a man above sev5ty ye>s ( age1 :om ,i  
_h n se5 = _m ye>s4 ,at ! "t ( our =m]  
meet+ he 0 enjoy+ ! bless+s ( a ,*ri/ian
 exp]i5ce & 0 happy 9 ! s]vice ( ! ,"l4 
,?r\gh devotional neglect1 & p]haps =   

o!r reasons1 he began to ent]ta9 d\bts  
conc]n+ 8 spiritual exp]i5ce1 & he      
que/ion$ :e!r or n he _h any "r1 "u !   
circum/ances1 to lay claim to ,*ri/ian  
fell[%ip ) ^? :om he knew to be         
spiritual4 ,he knew ( no?+ s9ful t he _h
 done1 & he ne$$ n to wav] 9 fai?4 ,b ! 
tempt] 0 !re to sugge/ t he _h lo/ 8    
exp]i5ce & might j z well give up !     
/ruggle4 ,he !n conclud$ t ! bre?r5 did 
n h confid5ce 9 him1 & !re=e he dropp$ 8
 pr(ession4  ,8 he>t 0 /ill t5d]1 & he  
did n feel dispos$ to indulge 9 s94 ,9 a
 %ort "t he made ano!r />t to s]ve ! ,"l
 & tri$ to rep5t2 b1 hav+ s little to   
rep5t ov]1 & f9d+ x difficult to h !    
same e>ne/ness z be=e1 he claim$ !      
victory by fai?1 b 0 soon 9 d\bt+ ca/le 
aga94 ,^! up-&-d[n exp]i5ces cont9u$ =  
_m mon?s1 dur+ :i* 8 spiritual realm 0 m
 d[n ?an up4 ,disc\ragem5t laid hold ^u 
him1 despair foll[$ h>d on 8 track1 & ! 
enemy :isp]$ t x 0 ( no use to try any  
m4 ,! way began to be m & m dre>y4      
,occasionally1 h[ev]1 he 0 seiz$ ) a    

feel+ ( desp]ation to break loose f !   
/ate ( le?>gy into :i* he _h fall51 b   
alas6 8 victories 7 ( %ort duration4 ,^!
 exp]i5ces 7 foll[$ by ! accusations ( !
 enemy t he 0 possess$ ) devils4 ,bre?r5
 :o pray$ ) him decl>$ t su* 0 n ! case4
  ,! d>ke/ scriptures ( judgm5t &       
ev]la/+ de/ruction seem$ to h be5 writt5
 = him1 &1 z he view$ ! matt]1 !y       
exactly fitt$ 8 case4 ,he _h d\bt$ s (t5
 :5 x seem$ ! ,"l 0 (f]+ a help+ h&1 t  
n[ x 0 too late2 ! la/ cord 0 sev]$1 !  
la/ ray ( hope _h vani%$4 ,x 0 no       
difficult matt] to believe t he _h      
committ$ ! unp>donable s91 & t ,god _h  
=ev] hid 8 face f him4 ,he resign$      
himself to ! hopelessness ( ! situation1
 to meet 8 fate at ! end ( 8 life "h ^u 
e>? & sp5d et]nity 9 ! regions ( ! lo/4 
,he sp5t a numb] ( ye>s 9 ?is condition4
  ,at ! "t ( our rec5t visit 9 a private
 home1 ,i felt mu* conc]n$ ab\t 8       
deliv]ance f su* a /ate & condition4 ,^u
 my approa*+ him on ! subject1 he       
imm$iately in=m$ me t x 0 useless to    

wa/e any ( my ef=ts on him1 = 8 0 a     
hopeless case1 z he _h s9n$ aga9/ !     
,holy ,gho/4 ,hav+ met simil> cases     
be=e1 ,i assur$ him t !re 0 hope = him1 
& told him t ,i c\ld prove by ! ,^w (   
,god & by 8 own te/imony t he _h n      
committ$ ! crime t w\ld cause him to be 
=ev] lo/1 z he _h suppos$4  ,tak+ my    
,bible1 ,i turn$ to ,heb4 #aj3bi1 :i*   
reads z foll[s3 ,( h[ mu* sor] puni%m5t1
 suppose ye1 %all he be ?\ght wor?y1 :o 
ha? trodd5 "u foot ! ,son ( ,god1 & ha? 
c\nt$ ! blood ( ! cov5ant1 :]e) he 0    
sanctifi$1 an unholy ?+1 & ha? done     
despite unto ! ,_s ( grace8  ,h y trodd5
 "u foot ! ,son ( ,god z h]e9 m5tion$8  
he 0 !n ask$4 ,no1 he repli$2 ,i h nev] 
d\bt$ t !re is a ,god nor t ,jesus ,*ri/
 is 8 ,son4  ,h y c\nt$ ! 'blood ( !    
cov5ant an unholy ?+1' t is1 t !re is no
 m virtue 9 ! blood ( ,jesus ,*ri/ ?an  
!re is 9 ! blood ( a c[ or "s o!r unholy
 ?+8  ,no1 sir4 ,i h nev] d5i$ ! p[] ( !
 blood ( ,jesus nor 'done despite to !  
,_s ( grace1' he repli$4  ,!n1 accord+  

to ! ,bible & y\r own te/imony1 y h n   
blasphem$ aga9/ ! ,holy ,gho/1 nor1 z y 
say1 committ$ ! unp>donable s9 by s9n+  
aga9/ ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,y mu/ =ev] cease  
to ent]ta9 ! idea t y h committ$ su* a  
s94  ,he reluctantly admitt$ ! tru? 9   
reg>d to t po9t1 b said1 ,!re is su* a  
?+ z a man's go+ too f>1 ( trifl+ s )   
,god t ! ,_s ( ,god w no long] /rive )  
him4 ,x 0 cle>ly po9t$ out to him t he  
_h nev] rea*$ su* an exp]i5ce & t he    
%\ld ca/ aside 8 d\bts & fe>s & call ^u 
,god1 & 0 assur$ t ! ,"l w\ld save him4 
,he !n decl>$ t he _h no w ( 8 own1 no  
p[] to ex]cise 8 w if he _h any1 & 0    
helpless4 ,i told him t any "o :o c\ld  
read human nature w\ld at once conclude 
t he 0 a man ( /rong w-p[]1 & t no d\bt 
he frequ5tly made o!rs aw>e ( t fact4 ,8
 wife said1 ,t is true2 he kn[s v well  
h[ to ex]cise 8 w-p[]4  ,he 0 !n told to
 ass]t 8 manhood & take a decid$ /&1 to 
:i* he repli$3  ,i h no manhood2 ,i h no
 p[] to ass]t myself 9 any way4  ,b1 ,i 
repli$1 y h be5 9 ?is t[n = ! pa/ few   

days1 & h ass]t$ y\r manhood dur+ y\r   
entire visit by act+ ! "p ( a p]fect    
g5tleman4 ,:at y ne$ to d n[ is to kneel
 ) u "h 9 pray] & yield y\rself to ,god1
 & he w save y ! same z he has sav$ o!rs
 :o ?\ght !y 7 beyond ! rea* ( m]cy4  ,b
 my case is diff]5t2 my he>t is h>d5$ l 
/one2 ,i c n pray2 ,i h no feel+4       
,almo/ e "o 9 y\r condition ?9ks 8 case 
is diff]5t4 ,if y act accord+ to !      
in/ructions giv51 y w soon be diff]5t4  
,y\r he>t w be *ang$4 ,d y\r "p 9 mak+ !
 ef=t1 & ! ,"l w help y to pray1 & y w h
 all ! feel+ necess>y4  ,we knelt 9     
pray]1 laid our h&s ^u 8 head1 & ) a    
f]v5t pray] rebuk$ ! deceptive & b9d+   
p[] ( ,satan1 & ask$ ! ,"l to save him4 
,he made an ef=t to pray1 b 8 few words 
7 soon m+l$ ) 8 sobs & feel+s ( deepe/  
contrition4 ,a few m9utes lat] he arose 
prais+ ,god = salvation4 ,8 d\bts & fe>s
 _h vani%$1 & 8 burd5 0 gone4 ,he 0 once
 m a free man & _h no m fe>s ( dea? & ! 
judgm5t4 ,! next day he return$ home ) a
 joyful he>t4 ,i h frequ5tly he>d f him 

s9ce t "t1 & he has always s5t a message
 conc]n+ 8 victori\s life4  ,!re are _m 
o!rs :o h be5 h>ass$ by ! enemy 9 l     
mann]2 :o h lo/ all hope ( recov]+ _!   
favor ) ,god2 :o ?9k t !y are diff]5t1  
h>d-he>t$1 hopeless1 h s9n$ away ! day (
 grace1 are "u ! control ( ,satan1 or 9 
"s su* l condition4 ,yet ,god 9 8 love  
is ext5d+ m]cy & only wait+ = !m to     
disc>d _! deceptive ideas & accept 8    
grace4     ,spiritual ,te/s  ,,exp]i5ce 
,,numb] #bc   ,x is n always conc]n+    
temporal ?+s & bus9ess affairs & su* l t
 we are te/$4 ,b x is ! bus9ess ( !     
enemy ( s\ls to conte/ e /ep on ! way to
 victory4 ,he w conte/ our salvation &1 
if possible1 get a p]son to reason )    
him2 & :5 y reason ) ! devil1 y f9d him 
a good reason]1 if y all[ him to foll[ 8
 own l9e ( ?\ght4 ,he w quote           
,scripture1 & give plausible            
illu/rations & logical reason+s4 ,b :5  
he is met z ,*ri/ met him1 ) a ,?us sai?
 ! ,"l1 ,x is writt51 & !n told :at is  
writt5 & :]e x is writt51 & su* l1 he is

 n v long 9 tak+ 8 dep>ture4 ,b j beg9  
to reason1 & he w entangle y 9 argum5t  
until y f9d y\rself badly p]plex$1      
unless1 l ! ,ma/]1 y give him a %>p     
rebuke & comm& him to take 8 dep>ture4  
,p]haps x w\ld be a b5efit to "s "o = me
 to give a little ( my own p]sonal      
exp]i5ce 9 ?is respect4 ,at ! age (     
fifte5 ,i 0 conv]t$1 receiv+ a real     
*ange ( he>t4 ,! enemy ( my s\l 0 nev]  
able to d5y t fact1 nei!r did he        
und]take x4 ,= ab\t t5 ye>s ,i liv$ to  
:at light ,i _h1 & aft] t began to obta9
 m light 9 reg>d to ent]+ into a deep]  
exp]i5ce ( div9e life1 or entire        
sanctification4 ,i 0 away f home & _h no
 "o to tea* me ! way ( hol9ess1 b ! ,"l 
began to in/ruct me 9 8 ,^w1 & aft] a   
few mon?s ,i 0 enabl$ to see j :at ! ,"l
 requir$ ( me 9 ord] to obta9 ! exp]i5ce
 desir$4  ,i _h felt a hung]+ & ?ir/+ = 
some?+ m1 = a deep] exp]i5ce4 ,i _h be5 
taught1 h[ev]1 t ?is satisfy+ exp]i5ce  
c\ld n be obta9$ until j be=e ! "t (    
dea?2 b z ,i read 9 ! ,^w t )\t hol9ess 

no man %\ld see ! ,"l 7,heb4 #ab3ad71 t 
we 7 to live 9 righte\sness & hol9ess   
all ! days ( our life 7,luke #a3ge71 & t
 ,jesus 9 8 la/ pray] 7,john #ag3ag-bj7 
pray$ t we might h t exp]i5ce1 ,i began 
to see v cle>ly :at my privilege 04 ,8  
,^w told me1 ,z he is1 s are we 9 ?is   
_w1 &1 ,we ought to walk ev5 z he walk$2
 & ?is 0 a clos] walk ) ,god ?an ,i _h  
be5 accu/om$ to enjoy4  ,x 0 n long     
until ,i rea*$ ! po9t :]e ,i made a full
 consecration1 & di$ ! dea? to ! _w1 &  
!n1 l ! apo/les = :om ,jesus pray$1 ,i 0
 9 ! _w1 b n ( ! _w1 hav+ _h t worldly  
disposition tak5 out ( my he>t4 ,:5 ,i  
rea*$ ! po9t :]e ,i positively knew t   
ev]y?+ 0 laid ^u ! alt> ,*ri/ ,jesus1 !n
 ,i realiz$ ( a tru? t ! alt> sanctifi$ 
! gift1 & my he>t 0 cleans$ f all       
unrighte\sness4 ,! ,bible began to op5  
up to me z a new book1 & z ,i w5t ab\t  
my ,ma/]'s bus9ess1 do+ 8 w z f> z he   
made x kn[n1 ,i _h _m ri* exp]i5ces4    
,al?\gh1 be+ ( a v quiet disposition    
naturally1 ,i c\ld n leap & %\t z "s1   

yet x 0 my privilege to be fill$ ) all !
 fulness ( ,god4  ,a few mon?s lat] ,i 0
 call$ by ! ,"l to accept a responsible 
position 9 8 "w4 ,= "s mon?s ev]y?+ w5t 
s smoo?ly t ,i _h p]fect victory all !  
way along & no?+ t ,i c\ld call a sev]e 
trial or battle1 because my eyes 7 /ay$ 
^u ! ,"l4 ,b !re came a "t = advanc+    
fur!r aga9/ ! enemy1 & ! ,"l saw x 0    
necess>y = me to "k m ab\t a p]fect fai?
 & tru/ 9 him 9 ord] to deal ) o!r s\ls4
 ,s he p]mitt$ me to be te/$1 to fit me 
= ! "w he _h = me to d4  ,al?\gh my s\l 
_h be5 ab\nd+ 9 ! ri*es ( 8 glory = ^!  
mon?s z ,i 0 busily engag$ 9 my "w1 "o  
day a sugge/ion 0 made to me by a sil5t 
voice t ,i _h n _h any ov]fl[+ bless+s =
 a few days4 ,?is did n di/urb me1 = ,i 
felt at p]fect peace ) ,god4 ,b soon !  
same sugge/ion 0 pres5t$ aga9 & aga94   
,f9ally ! sil5t voice or impression came
 on ?is wise3 ,n[ y h be5 9 ?is         
condition almo/ a week4 ,i felt t my s\l
 dur+ t "t _h be5 at peace ) ,god1 & ,i 
0 tru/+ my case 9 8 h&s4 ,i began1      

h[ev]1 to se>* my consecration1 z !     
accus] sugge/$ t !re mu/ surely be      
some?+ wrong4  ,i began to se>* my he>t1
 & said1 ,if !re is any?+ wrong1 ,"l1 ,i
 w make x all "r1 & ,i ask$ ! ,"l to    
se>* me4 ,feel+ t all 0 fully 9 ! h&s ( 
! ,"l1 ,i 0 ab\t to dismiss ! matt] f my
 m9d2 b ?is sugge/ion came3 ,if y 7     
sanctifi$1 y w\ld n h a lack ( t great  
joy4 ,!n ,i said1 ,"l1 if ,i am n       
sanctifi$1 ,i am will+ to get sanctifi$4
 ,s ,i began to reconsecrate myself to !
 ,"l1 & pres5tly ,i realiz$ t ,i 0 fully
 consecrat$ to ,god4 ,aga9 ,i 0 ready to
 dismiss ! matt]1 b ! voice said1 ,:5 a 
p]son falls f sanctification1 he loses 8
 ju/ification also1 because he mu/      
commit s9 9 ord] to fall4 ,yes1 ,i      
realiz$ t 0 s1 & !n came ! words1 ,y are
 n sav$4 ,i saw at once t x 0 ! enemy1  
in/ead ( ! ,"l1 talk+ to me1 & l a fla% 
f heav5 ,i rebuk$ him4 ,i said1 ,i "k ,i
 am sav$ ?r\gh ! grace ( ,god2 yes1 &   
sanctifi$1 too4 ,& ,i boldly decl>$ x1  
:]eupon ! enemy took 8 dep>ture4 ,he saw

 t he 0 ! "o defeat$1 in/ead ( me4  ,!  
enemy _h ?\ght t because ,i 0 "y 9 !    
,"l's "w ,i 0 unable to "k 8 devices4 ,b
 ! ,"l 0 a mat* = him1 & lift$ up a /&>d
 aga9/ him1 in/ead ( all[+ me to be     
defeat$ & ov]?r[n4 ,! ,"l knew j h[ f>  
to p]mit me to be tri$ & tempt$4 ,?is   
exp]i5ce has be5 a s\rce ( mu* help to  
me s9ce t "t2 n only = myself1 b 9 deal+
 ) o!rs4 ,! devil is sure to ov]/ep !   
m>k1 & we c h ! victory ov] him z long z
 we keep our eyes /ay$ ^u ! ,"l4 ,& we c
 say l ,paul1 ,i c d all ?+s ?r\gh      
,*ri/1 :i* /r5g!ne? me4  ,!re are "s :o 
worry & fret & h an abundance ( tr\ble  
:5 x is _! own fault2 & if !y w\ld put  
=? z great an ef=t to ga9 a victory &   
keep x z !y d to pet _! tr\bles1 !re    
w\ld be a wond]ful *ange & ! enemy (    
s\ls w\ld be defeat$4  ,a few ye>s ago  
,i met a bro!r :o 0 weight$ d[n ) tr\ble
 & sorr[s mu* m ?an ) ! glory ( ,god1 & 
0 mu* ( ! "t m\rn+ ov] 8 trials &       
temptations1 until 8 lot did really seem
 to be a sad "o4 ,dur+ my ,*ri/ian      

exp]i5ce ,i _h be5 hav+ sweep+ victory  
ov] ! p[]s ( ! enemy1 ev5 ?r\gh ! sev]e 
trials & temptations1 because ,i _h kept
 my eyes ^u ! ,"l1 & _h look$ =         
victories in/ead ( trials4 ,9 consid]+ !
 case ( ! bro!r1 al?\gh ,i 0 "y 9 !     
gospel "w1 ,i conclud$ t if p 7 9 su* a 
condition x 0 _! own fault1 & t ,i c\ld 
feel z bad z any "o if ,i desir$4 ,s ,i 
conclud$ to exp]im5t1 b fir/ ask$ ! ,"l 
n to p]mit me to fall into ! h&s ( !    
devil4  ,accord+ly1 ?\gh ,i _h no?+     
:atev] to feel bad ab\t1 ,i ?rew myself 
on a c\* & began to sigh & try to feel  
bad ov] some?+4 ,x 0 b a few m9utes     
until ,i really did beg9 to feel        
mis]able4 ,"s "o came & desir$ to "k if 
,i 0 9 tr\ble1 b ,i turn$ away & w\ld n 
answ]4 ,9 a %ort "t ,i 0 feel+ mis]able 
en\gh to weep & moan1 & ev5 bewail my   
condition4 ,i !n w5t to my room1 fa/5$ !
 door1 & began to call mightily ^u ,god 
= deliv]ance f su* a condition4 ,i _h to
 put =? no little ef=t & take ,god at 8 
^w & ga9 ! victory ov] ! p[]s ( ,satan4 

,i !re le>n$ ! lesson t any "o c feel   
bad & h a sorr[ful "t :e!r or n he      
really has any?+ to feel bad ab\t2 b ,i 
nev] desir$ to repeat ! exp]im5t4 ,i h  
also f\nd t ,god has p[] n only to      
deliv] f su* a condition1 b to keep !   
s\l fill$ ) glory ev5 ?r\gh ! sev]e/    
te/+s4     ,! ,confession ( a ,murd]]   
,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #bd   ,:ile travel+ 9
 evangeli/ic & mission>y "w a few ye>s  
ago ano!r m9i/] & ,i met ) a            
congregation 9 a ,we/]n city4 ,:5 ,i    
ent]$ ! place ( wor%ip1 my eyes fell ^u 
a woman sitt+ ne> ! alt>4 ,%e 0 an      
object ( pity because ( h] affliction1  
:i* 0 ( a v peculi> nature & noticeable 
at a glance4 ,al?\gh %e 0 a /rang] to me
 & began utt]+ su* expressions z ,praise
 ! ,"l6 & ,halleluiah6 yet ,i felt t ,i 
disc]n$ a false _s & 0 /rongly impress$ 
t %e 0 possess$ ) a murd]\s & deceptive 
_s4 ,at ! close ( ! s]vice we 7 ask$ to 
pray = h] heal+4 ,x 0 evid5t t %e       
receiv$ no help1 & al?\gh %e made a l\d 
pr(ession ( religion1 my conviction 0   

deep5$ t my =m] impressions 7 correct1 &
 fur!rmore t %e 0 guilty ( murd]+ an    
unborn *ild4  ,aft] ! next s]vice ?is   
woman & h] husb& invit$ me to _! home4  
,i w5t ) a pray] t ,god w\ld s5d        
conviction ^u !m & save !m f _!         
deception & lo/ condition4 ,aft] sp5d+  
"s "t 9 social conv]sation1 ,i began to 
talk ) !m ab\t _! spiritual condition4  
,at fir/ !re 0 "s res5tm5t2 = ! enemy ( 
s\ls _h made !m believe t x 0 no great  
crime1 9 fact1 no crime at all2 t %e 0  
really ju/ifi$ 9 committ+ ! de$2 t z no 
"o else knew ( x & 0 n likely to "k1 %e 
c\ld cov] h] s9 & g on ) a pr(ession z a
 ,*ri/ian & receive ! fell[%ip ( o!r    
,*ri/ian p4 ,%e 0 k9dly told t %e _h a  
false _s1 "o =eign to ! ,_s ( ,god4  ,%e
 broke d[n &1 ) te>s /ream+ d[n h]      
*eeks1 confess$ t %e _h de/roy$ h]      
unborn *ild1 & said t ! affliction soon 
fa/5$ ^u h] z leprosy did ^u ,miriam4 ,n
 until ! "t ( our visit did %e fully    
realize ! he9\sness ( h] s9 nor feel !  
weight ( h] guilt4 ,by ju/ify+ h]self 9 

! act & pr(ess+ religion )\t rep5tance1 
%e _h op5$ ! door ( h] he>t to          
deception4  ,b n[ z %e became awak5$ to 
h] real condition1 ! enemy :isp]$1 z he 
has done to _m o!rs "u simil>           
circum/ances3 ,x is too late n[2 !re is 
no hope2 = '!y :i* d su* ?+s %all n     
inh]it ! k+dom ( ,god' 7,gal4 #e3ba74   
,%e 0 told t ^? :o d su* ?+s & cov] _!  
s9s or cont9ue to d !m )\t =sak+ !m &   
)\t rep5t+ are ! ones :o w n inh]it !   
k+dom ( ,god4 ,he t cov]e? 8 s9s %all n 
prosp]2 b :oso confesse? & =sake? !m    
%all h m]cy 7,prov4 #bh3ac74  ,pray] 0  
(f]$ 9 h] behalf1 ! evil spirits 7      
rebuk$1 & %e realiz$ a gleam ( hope = h]
 deliv]ance1 n only f ! deception into  
:i* %e _h fall51 b also f h] s94 ,%e    
began to realize t ,god 0 ready to =give
 h] & set h] burd5$1 rep5tant he>t free1
 & accept h] z 8 *ild4 ,oh1 h[ unwor?y  
%e felt6  ,n[ came ! "q1 ,mu/ ,i confess
 ?is de$ to ! *ur*1 to my neighbors1 &  
to ! _w8 ,no1 ! s9 y committ$ 0 aga9/   
y\rself & aga9/ ,god1 ,i answ]$1 & x w d

 ! *ur* & ! _w no good to "k ( x4 ,9    
fact1 a k ( x might be an injury to "s  
weak] ones4 ,y h confess$ x to ,god & he
 has =giv5 y1 & z no "o else is injur$1 
!re is no "o else to :om x ne$ be       
confess$4  ,:5 %e _h be5 made free f h] 
guilt by ! grace ( ,god1 %e c\ld !n come
 to him ) fai? = ! heal+ ( h] body1 & %e
 0 deliv]$ f h] affliction4  ,ano!r case
 0 t ( a gambl] 9 "o ( ! ,we/]n ,/ates  
:o _h (t5 be5 w>n$ aga9/ ! evils (      
gambl+1 b :o w\ld n he$ ! admonitions ( 
fri5ds4 ,he cont9u$ 8 life ( folly until
 ! "t came :51 9 ! mid/ ( 8 revelry1 a  
cont5tion arose betwe5 him & a fell[    
gambl]4 ,! provocation 0 s great t bo?  
drew deadly weapons1 & to save 8 own    
life & at ! same "t to wreak v5geance ^u
 ! o!r man1 he fir$ ! fatal %ot1 & 8    
antagoni/ fell dead at 8 feet4          
,imm$iately sorr[ fill$ 8 he>t because  
he _h %$ human blood1 ?us mak+ himself a
 murd]]4 ,9 a %ort "t he 0 beh9d        
prison-b>s to await trial1 & ! foll[+   
message 0 fla%$ ov] ! wires to 8 bro!r3 

,i am 9 tr\ble2 kill$ a man today2 come4
 ,bro!rs1 p>5ts1 & fri5ds came ) _!     
sympa?y & te>s1 money & influ5ce4 ,c\rt 
aft] c\rt conv5$1 & f ye> to ye> ! case 
0 cont9u$ or s5t5ce 0 r5d]$ & susp5d$4  
,= a long "t he 0 "u s5t5ce ( dea?4     
,money & influ5ce prolong$ ! case1 & !  
indications 7 t x might be def]r$ _m m  
ye>s if suffici5t money 0 available4  ,x
 0 :ile 9 t dungeon await+ ! fulfilm5t (
 ! dea?-s5t5ce t he felt ! woo+s ( ! ,_s
 ( ! ,"l4 ,he read ! ,new ,te/am5t &    
wrote to u to pray = him4 ,he f9ally    
confess$ 8 s9s to ! ,"l & f\nd peace to 
8 s\l4 ,he !n began to appropriate !    
promises to 8 own case = deliv]ance f   
prison4 ,god honor$ 8 fai? & ! fai? ( ,8
 s]vants :o 7 (f]+ e>ne/ pray]s t he    
might be deliv]$4 ,contr>y to ! advice (
 relatives & fri5ds1 he dismiss$ all    
legal c\nsel & decid$ to place 8 case   
entirely 9 ! h&s ( ! ,god ( heav51 :o   
deliv]$ ,daniel out ( ! lions' d5 &     
,pet] out ( prison4 ,9 a %ort "t 8 fai? 
0 rew>d$ by a message be+ fla%$ ov] !   

wires = ! au?orities to op5 !           
prison-doors & let him g free4 ,s9ce !n 
he has sp5t mu* "t visit+ prison]s &    
enc\rag+ !m to put _! tru/ 9 ! ,"l1 :o  
is mighty to save4     ,mak+ a ,complete
 ,surr5d]  ,,exp]i5ce ,,numb] #be   ,f !
 "t ( my conv]sion 9 e>ly life ,i long$ 
to be useful 9 help+ o!rs to f9d ! way (
 salvation4 ,b my inability & lack (    
tal5t 0 an app>5t b>ri]1 & caus$ me to  
almo/ despair ( ev] be+ able to         
accompli% ! desire ( my he>t4  ,?\gh ,i 
felt t ,i 0 a ,*ri/ian1 yet ,i _h a     
long+ 9 my s\l = a clos] walk ) ,god4   
,!re 7 times :5 ,i _h spiritual /ruggles
 )9 & )\t1 & ,i did n "k h[ to be an    
ov]com]1 z m5tion$ 9 ! ,bible4  ,a few  
ye>s lat]1 :ile liv+ 9 ,ohio1 ,i 0      
awak5$ to ! fact t ! ,"l _h promis$ !   
gift ( ! ,holy ,_s to 8 believ+ *ildr5 &
 t x 0 my privilege to obta9 t exp]i5ce 
:]e9 ,i c\ld enjoy t great grace :i* 0  
^u !m all :o 7 assembl$ at "o place aft]
 ,p5teco/4 ,my he>t ye>n$ = ! exp]i5ce t
 ! p ( ^? apo/olic days enjoy$2 & z ,i  

read ab\t h[ will+ ! ,"l 0 to give !    
,holy ,gho/ to !m t believe1 & read t we
 7 promis$ ! ,com=t]1 :o w\ld abide 9   
our he>ts1 ,i decid$ to h ! exp]i5ce4   
,my religi\s in/ructors gave me no      
enc\ragem5t2 = !y _h n atta9$ to su* an 
exp]i5ce !mselves & did n ?9k x         
atta9able 9 ?is life4 ,b undaunt$1 &    
det]m9$ to h relief = my burd5$ s\l1 ,i 
s\ght ! ,"l e>ne/ly to reveal to me !   
secret ( obta9+ t abundant grace :i* ,i 
0 conv9c$ 0 )9 my rea* if ,i c\ld only  
le>n h[ to obta9 x4  ,! "t came :5 my   
pray]s 7 answ]$1 & ,i 0 enabl$ to make a
 complete consecration to ! w ( ,god4 ,b
 be=e rea*+ t po9t1 ,i _m times fell ^u 
my knees or pro/rat$ myself be=e ! ,"l 9
 e>ne/ supplication = t grace4 ,9 !     
meantime ,i met o!rs :o _h receiv$ x1 & 
,i realiz$ m ?an ev] t :at !y possess$ 0
 j ! ?+ = :i* ,i _h be5 seek+4 ,!re 7   
yet two po9ts t seem$ to h9d] me 9 my   
f9al ef=ts4 ,my desire 0 to h su* an    
outp\r+ ( ! ,_s z w\ld cause me to leap 
& %\t ! same z "s o!rs did :5 !y receiv$

 ! ,holy ,_s4 ,! second 0 t !re 0 "o ?+ 
:i* ,i _h n fully yield$ to ! w ( ,god4 
,reg>d+ t ?+ ,i made a conditional      
surr5d]--t if ,god w\ld give me !       
exp]i5ce & !n %[ me t ,i held a wrong   
attitude1 ,i w\ld !n yield ! po9t4 ,i   
?\ght ! ,"l ought to accept my          
consecration & give me ! exp]i5ce ,i _h 
s long s\ght4 ,b he w\ld n d s4  ,i     
began to submit myself to ! ,"l m fully1
 & he m cle>ly op5$ my und]/&+ to 8 ,^w 
& m def9itely %$ rays ( light ^u my     
pa?way conc]n+ ! po9t 9 "q2 !n came !   
words ( ,jesus1 ,walk 9 ! light :ile ye 
h ! light1 le/ ye g into d>kness4 ,my   
duty 0 n[ z cle> to me z ! morn+ sun4   
,!re 0 no rebellion 9 my he>t1 ! surr5d]
 0 complete1 & ,i c\ld ) confid5ce say t
 my consecration rea*$ ! w ( ,god on e  
po9t1 reg>d+ all ! ?+s ,i c\ld call to  
my m9d & also ev]y?+ t might pres5t     
itself 9 ! future4 ,!re 0 no d\bt       
conc]n+ my hav+ made :at we sometimes   
call a ,bible consecration4  ,!n ,i     
realiz$ t ,i _h a "r to claim ! promise 

& receive its fulfilm5t4 ,z ,i did s1   
lay+ claim to ! promise z m9e & decl>+ !
 "w 0 done because ! ,^w ( ,god said s1 
t :atev] t\*$ ! alt> 0 made holy1 ,i    
knew t by fai? ,i _h t\*$ ! alt>1 ,jesus
 ,*ri/1 & 0 made holy4 ,i _h become     
will+ to receive ! bless+ 9 any way t ! 
,"l saw fit to be/[ x4 ,j at ! "t t ,i  
claim$ ! bless+ z m9e1 quietness reign$4
 ,x did n cause me to leap & %\t z ,i _h
 be5 expect+1 b 9 a quiet mann] ! ,holy 
,_s witness$ ! "w wr\ght 9 my s\l4 ,i   
le>n$ t ! grace & glory or spiritual p[]
 t "o possesses is n dep5d5t ^u outw>d  
demon/rations ( ! body4 ,:ile "o may    
leap & %\t1 ano!r p]son ( a diff]5t     
temp]am5t may rema9 quiet & yet be dr9k+
 j z deeply f ! f\nta9 ( life4  ,al?\gh 
_m ye>s h pass$1 yet ,i h nev] once     
d\bt$ ! "w wr\ght 9 my s\l at t "t4     
,amid/ ! deepe/ trials ( life1 sorr[1   
sickness1 & adv]sity1 ,i h f\nd a sweet 
solace by tru/+ all away ) ,him :o      
und]/&s our e ne$4  ,d>k days & %ad[s ( 
life may come1 trials & temptations may 

pres5t !mselves on e h&1 ! s\l may be   
weight$ d[n ) burd5s t are heavy to be>1
 & accusations ( ! enemy & h\rs ( sev]e 
te/+ may come l a flood2 yet = ! tru/+  
s\l ! ,_s ( ! ,"l w lift up a /&>d aga9/
 ! enemy & lead onw>d to victory4 ,to me
 ! ,"l has be5 a v pres5t help 9 tr\ble 
& a fri5d 9 "t ( ne$4  ,:5 ,i see o!rs  
/ruggl+ along & ye>n+ = t exp]i5ce :]e9 
_! s\ls c be satisfi$1 my wi%es are t !y
 make an unconditional surr5d]1 "k )\t a
 d\bt t _! consecration is complete & t 
!y are 9 all po9ts consecrat$ to ! w (  
,god4 ,x is !n t ! promise c be claim$ &
 ! fulfilm5t realiz$4  ,! greate/ s9n]  
on ! face ( ! e>? c f9d p>don ?r\gh !   
atonem5t ( ,jesus ,*ri/ by =sak+ 8 s9s1 
confess+ !m to ! ,"l1 & believ+ on him =
 deliv]ance4 ,9 l mann] e believ] c be  
fill$ ) ! ,holy ,_s & ab\nd 9 ! ri*es ( 
! grace ( ,god4     ,int]e/+ ,n>ratives 
& ,helpful ,in/ruction   ,success &     
happ9ess 9 ! ,*ri/ian life d n always   
dep5d ^u favorable surr\nd+s2 "u ! mo/  
adv]se & try+ circum/ances m5 & wom5 h  

made ! greate/ /rides 9 spiritual       
advancem5t & p[]4 ,!re may be occasional
 sorr[s & suff]+ along ! way1 b %all ^! 
?+s ca/ a gloom ov] our lives1 ev5 ?\gh 
at times !y be prolong$ & sev]e8 ,by no 
means %\ld we all[ opposition1          
p]secution1 sorr[1 suff]+1 mi/akes1     
blund]s1 failures1 & su* l to cause     
defeat & a giv+ way to disc\ragem5t4 ,! 
disc\rag$ p]son is no good1 no matt] :]e
 y f9d him4 ,we mu/ rise 9 ! mid/ ( our 
trials & 9 ! "n & /r5g? ( ! ,"l %ake (f 
disc\ragem5ts4  ,trials w come1 b :at ( 
x8 ,o!rs h _h j z sev]e trials1 & h     
surm\nt$ !m1 & y & ,i c d ! same4 ,!re w
 be times :5 oppressions w be felt t    
seem griev\s to be>2 :5 ev5 ! humble    
foll[]s ( ,*ri/ w feel t ! l9es (       
communication betwe5 !m & ! ,"l h be5   
sev]$2 :5 pray]s w seem to fall to ! e>?
 & ! heav5s seem z brass1 & ! burd5$ s\l
 w cry out = help :5 !re seems to be no 
help4 ,at su* times !re ne$s to be a    
pati5t wait+ ^u ! ,"l1 he>t-se>*+1 &    
humble submission to 8 w4 ,"u su*       

circum/ances x is well to he$ ! advice (
 ! ,psalmi/3 ,wait pati5tly ^u ! ,"l1 & 
he %all br+ x to pass4 ,!n is ! "t to   
tru/ & n be afraid4  ,x 0 at su* a "t t 
,jesus felt t 8 burd5 0 m ?an he c\ld   
be> & ask$ t1 if possible1 ! cup (      
suff]+ be remov$1 t he might n h to pass
 ?r\gh ! sev]e ordeal t 0 fac+ him4 ,8  
humanity weak5$ & %udd]$ at ! approa* ( 
! greate/ trial ( 8 life4 ,b he humbly  
submitt$ & said1 ,fa!r1 n my w1 b ?y w1 
be done4 ,x 0 !n t angels came & m9i/]$ 
unto him2 ! gates ( glory 7 ?r[n op51 ! 
burd5 0 gone1 & he c\ld g =? z a captive
 set free4  ,z he left t place ( pray]1 
t place ( victory1 x 0 to face ! foe 9 !
 hotte/ ( ! fight4 ,al?\gh he 0 upheld  
by ! unse5 pres5ce ( ! ,fa!r & /r5g!n$  
by ! angels1 nev]!less 9 ! d>ke/ h\r ( !
 conflict he cri$ out1 ,my ,god1 my     
,god1 :y ha/ ?\ =sak5 me8 ,b ev5 9 ?is  
f9al te/ he said1 ,fa!r1 into ?y h&s ,i 
comm5d my ,_s4 ,?is 0 foll[$ by !       
unprec$5t$ glories ( ! resurrection4    
,:at a wond]ful lesson to u ( submission

 & tru/6   ,,fail$ ,,to ,,=give ,,^?    
,,:o ,,_h ,,wrong$ ,,him  ,an un=giv+   
disposition w h9d] "o f be+ humble or f 
rea*+ ! necess>y po9t ( submission4 ,:5 
,/eph5 0 be+ /on$ by 8 p]secutors1 8 dy+
 pray] 01 ,"l1 lay n ?is s9 to _! *>ge4 
,"o ,sunday :5 ,i 0 conduct+ an         
inquiry-s]vice 9 a ,/ate prison1 aft] ,i
 _h comm5t$ on ^! words ( ,jesus1 ,if ye
 =give n m5 _! trespasses1 nei!r w y\r  
,fa!r =give y\r trespasses1 a prison]   
arose & said1 ,= ye>s ,i h s\ght ! ,"l1 
b nev] be=e h ,i kn[n :at h9d]$ me f    
obta9+ peace to my s\l4 ,b n[ ,i see x  
is because ,i h held a grudge aga9/ ^?  
:o h wrong$ me4 ,i =give !m4 ,peace came
 into 8 s\l z he yield$ ?is po9t4       
,,despond5cy ,,& ,,disc\ragem5t  ,in/ead
 ( c\nt+ y\r trials & indulg+ 9 d>k     
=ebod+s1 ?r[ away su* feel+s by c\nt+   
y\r pa/ bless+s if y c ?9k ( no pres5t  
bless+s4 ,:5 ,paul & ,silas 7 9 prison )
 _! feet fa/5$ 9 ! /ocks1 ! pa9 9 _!    
lac]at$ backs no d\bt (t5 rem9d$ !m ( ! 
cruel treatm5t !y _h receiv$ at ! h&s ( 

_! enemies2 b !y look$ away f _! trials1
 &1 c\nt+ all ?+s joy1 at ! midnight h\r
 !y 7 rejoic+1 s++ songs1 & prais+ ,god4
 ,! result 0 m>vel\s4 ,_h !y set        
!mselves to compla9+1 !y w\ld h sp5t a  
mis]able night4  ,a si/] 0 once j at !  
po9t ( ?r[+ d[n h] %ield ( fai? & ceas+ 
h] ef=ts 9 s]v+ ! ,"l1 because ( "s     
difficulty :i* _h aris5 betwe5 h] husb& 
& "o ( ! bre?r51 & 9 :i* 9 a s5se %e    
also 0 involv$4 ,%e _h always ent]ta9$  
implicit confid5ce 9 ! bro!r1 b n[ said 
%e c\ld nev] h confid5ce 9 him aga94 ,_h
 x be5 "s worldly p]son1 %e c\ld h      
ov]look$ ! matt]1 b to h "o ( ! bre?r5  
make su* /atem5ts 0 m ?an %e c\ld       
endure4 ,h[ev]1 %e rel5t$1 & be=e %e    
c\ld ga9 ! necess>y victory1 %e _h to   
make a decision to /& true to ,god      
reg>dless ( ! s\rce ( ! trial4  ,at ?is 
po9t is :]e _m fail1 n because ! trial  
is great] ?an "s o!r ?r\gh :i* !y h     
pass$1 b because x comes f an entirely  
unexpect$ s\rce4   ,,unnecess>y         
,,self-,,accusations  ,a woman & h]     

husb& :o 7 m9i/]s 7 once drawn into a   
difficulty ) o!rs & _h to call = aid 9  
mak+ an adju/m5t4 ,:5 ! "t came = a     
consid]ation ( ! matt]1 %e humbly &     
nobly did h] "p1 to ! satisfaction ( all
 conc]n$4 ,al?\gh !re 0 no?+ demoraliz+ 
ab\t ! case1 yet %e felt v humiliat$ to 
?9k t %e1 a m9i/]1 %\ld h ?us become    
involv$ 9 su* a cont5tion1 & ?\ght t !  
bro!r :o 0 call$ to help 9 ! adju/m5t   
w\ld nev] h confid5ce 9 h] aga94 ,= f\r 
ye>s %e worri$ ov] ! matt]1 (t5 los+    
sleep at night1 & felt h]self gradually 
weak5+ 9 spirituality & c\rage4  ,"o day
 %e met ! bro!r1 & he express$ himself z
 hav+ _h implicit confid5ce 9 h] dur+ ! 
entire p]iod ( ! f\r ye>s4 ,imm$iately  
%e took c\rage1 b %e _h ne$lessly       
und]gone untold suff]+s ?r\gh           
accusations t 7 all imag9>y4 ,worry+    
does no "o any good4 ,x is useless to   
worry be=e a ?+ happ5s1 mu* less aft] x 
happ5s4 ,mo/ p worry ov] imag9>y ?+s1   
ov] ?+s t nev] h nor nev] w come to     
pass4  ,a si/] :o _h liv$ a godly life &

 _h pray$ = h] family = ye>s1 became mu*
 tr\bl$ because none ( !m w\ld become   
,*ri/ians4 ,%e began to accuse h]self ( 
n be+ "r 9 ! sight ( ,god1 b %e 0 rem9d$
 t ev5 ,jesus himself1 al?\gh he 0 !    
,son ( ,god1 0 n able to h all 8 k9sm5 &
 t[nsm5 to foll[ him4 ,%e !n le>n$ to   
leave ! responsibility ) h] family & !  
,"l aft] %e _h done all %e c\ld1 realiz+
 t h] s\l 0 cle>4   ,,tr\bl$ ,,ab\t     
,,mak+ ,,confessions  ,"o woman 0 tr\bl$
 ov] h] pa/ life1 feel+ t %e %\ld make a
 public confession1 :i* w\ld endang] !  
lives ( o!rs4 ,%e said x seem$ t ,god 0 
f> away f h]4 ,^u inve/igation x 0 le>n$
 t h] tr\ble 0 ( su* a nature t x w\ld d
 h] or nobody else any good to make su* 
a confession1 b 0 a matt] t c\ld be     
settl$ only betwe5 h]self & ,god4 ,n    
until %e le>n$ ?is c\ld %e h peace ( m9d
 & rea* ! place :]e %e c\ld f9d         
deliv]ance4  ,an actress 0 m>ri$ to a   
respectable "y man 9 ,ohio4 ,_! home 0  
an ideal "o 9 ! c\ntry4 ,?ree *ildr5    
grac$ _! dome/ic circle1 & !re 0        

app>5tly no?+ to m> ! happ9ess ( _!     
,*ri/ian home4 ,"o day ! wife & elde/   
daught] w5t to visit ! pa/or :o _h =    
ye>s be5 _! spiritual advisor4 ,he      
express$ 8 congratulations to h] = h]   
atta9m5ts 9 life1 pleasant surr\nd+s1 & 
! extraord9>y abilities ( h] *ildr54  ,j
 be=e leav+ ! h\se ( ! pa/or1 %e reque/$
 a private int]view ) him4 ,:5 alone )  
him %e said3 ,judg+ f outw>d appe>ances1
 y h believ$ me to be a v happy woman4  
,b = _m ye>s my he>t has be5 sad1 & ,i h
 con/antly c>ri$ a heavy burd54         
,sometimes x seem$ to be m ?an ,i c\ld  
be>4 ,be=e my m>riage ,i 0 allur$ into  
s9 ( a disgraceful nature1 b my husb&   
believ$ me to h always ma9ta9$ an       
irreproa*able "*1 & ,i h nev] told him  
o!rwise4 ,s9ce our m>riage ,i h always  
be5 true to him4 ,_m times dur+ ^! ye>s 
,i h be5 j at ! po9t ( unburd5+ my he>t 
by reveal+ to him ?is secret & plac+    
myself at 8 m]cy2 b someh[ ,i h always  
be5 *eck$ or prev5t$ f do+ s4 ,i h c>ri$
 ! heavy burd5 until ,i c c>ry x no     

long]4 ,please tell me :at to d4  ,!    
wise old pa/or1 ) deep feel+s (         
compassion1 said3 ,good woman1 y h c>ri$
 an unnecess>y burd5 all ^! ye>s4 ,y\r  
husb& knew no?+ ( y\r s92 x w d him no  
good to "k ( x n[1 b1 on ! o!r h&1 a k (
 x might br+ an unnecess>y burd5 ^u him1
 & cause 8 implicit confid5ce to give   
place to suspicion4 ,:y %\ld y ?us br+  
feel+s ( reproa* ^u y\rself & family8   
,!y are a ?\s& times bett] (f )\t a k ( 
x4 ,g bury x 9 oblivion2 ca/ x f y\r m9d
 =ev]4 ,god has =giv5 y long ago4 ,su*  
matt]s are to be settl$ betwe5 y & him  
alone2 g & s9 no m4 ,%e obey$ & w5t =? a
 happy woman4 ,h] burd5 0 gone4  ,if all
 spiritual advisors 7 z wise z ?is pa/or
 9 giv+ in/ruction to ^? 9 ne$ ( help1  
mu* suff]+ w\ld be av]t$4 ,!re are ?\s&s
 ( p today c>ry+ heavy burd5s t ,god has
 n plac$ ^u !m1 b has long ago =giv5    
because ( _! rep5tance4 ,su* p]sons h   
all[$ ! enemy ( _! s\ls to unnecess>ily 
burd5 !m ) accusations & false          
impressions4 ,^! !y %\ld h ca/ aside1   

decl>+ _! fre$om 9 ! "n ( ,jesus4       
,,accus$ ,,god ,,( ,,n ,,be+ ,,j  ,!re  
are o!rs :o accuse ,god ( n be+ j1 or   
blame him = n answ]+ _! pray]s1 :5 !    
fact is1 _! lives h n be5 su* z w\ld    
give !m an assurance t ,god w\ld answ]  
_! pray]s4 ,a "y si/] :o _h = "s "t be5 
drift+ into worldl9ess 0 call$ to !     
b$side ( h] dy+ fa!r4 ,%e 0 mu* conc]n$ 
ab\t him & ask$ a special favor ( ! ,"l 
conc]n+ him1 & because h] reque/ 0 n    
grant$ 9 j ! mann] reque/$1 %e p]mitt$  
h] m9d to be fill$ ) d\bts & infidelity4
 ,%e blam$ ,god = n answ]+1 & !n %e     
began to h /ruggles ) h>dness ( he>t1   
:i* %e _h nev] kn[n be=e4 ,?is caus$ h] 
to become al>m$1 & %e s\ght ! c\nsel ( a
 m9i/]4 ,he cit$ h] to #a ,john         
#c3bb--;,& :atsoev] we ask we receive ( 
him1 because we keep 8 comm&m5ts1 & d ^?
 ?+s t are pleas+ 9 8 sight4 ,%e        
ackn[l$g$ t %e _h n be5 liv+ "r1 & !re=e
 _h no "r to blame ,god = n answ]+ h]   
pray]s4   ,,:5 ,,! ,,tempt] ,,comes     
,,(t5e/  ,! tempt] comes (t5e/ :]e !    

temptation has n be5 completely put away
 & :]e !re is lack ( decision aga9/ x4  
,_m p are l ! drunk>d4 ,he desires to   
cease dr9k+1 b says1 ,j "o m dr9k2 !n ,i
 am done4 ,:5 t has be5 tak5 he says1   
,"o m1 only "o2 !n ,i am =ev] done )    
/rong dr9k4 ,su* a det]m9ation w nev]   
loose him f ! b9d+ fett]s4  ,! "o :o is 
b\nd by an evil habit or has yield$ to !
 fasc9ations ( an allur+ _s mu/ make a  
positive1 def9ite decision1 9 e way     
possible turn f ! temptation1 & call ^u 
,god = help ) a fai? t w n wav]2 !n     
deliv]ance is sure to come1 & grace to  
be an ov]com]4   ,,trials ,,made        
,,/epp+-,,/ones ,,to ,,great]           
,,victories  ,! beautiful roses are     
protect$ by ?orns1 _m ( :i* are hidd5   
away b5ea? ! pres5tation ( beauty4      
,roses are n (t5 pluck$ )\t ! "o :o w\ld
 enjoy _! fragrance realiz+ a pa9 by be+
 prick$ 9 an attempt to secure !        
sweet-sc5t$ fl[] z 8 own4 ,j :y ! ?orns 
are !re we d n "k4 ,_m a "y recruit     
looks ) admiration ^u ! vet]an skill ( !

 soldi] :o has be5 ?r\gh fi]ce battles &
 has come =? z a h]o4 ,b 8 fame 0 n     
obta9$ )\t h>d%ips & w\nds1 z ! sc>s :i*
 he c>ries give te/imony4 ,ab\t u on e  
side are vet]ans ( ! cross ( ,*ri/1 ^?  
^: lives we admire1 ^: exp]i5ces we     
covet1 b back ( !m no d\bt are ! prick+ 
?orns 9 ! =m ( trials1 :i* h prov$ to be
 /epp+-/ones to ! beautiful life ( fai? 
& devotion & :i* h grac$ _! spiritual   
pa?way4 ,! roses are none ! less        
fragrant & beautiful because ( ! hidd5  
?orns b5ea? !m4 ,nei!r is ! life ( a    
,*ri/ian less brilliant & radiant       
because ( ! trials & temptations along !
 way4  ,! enjoym5t ( a ,*ri/ian life is 
:at we make x4 ,! d>ke/1 sadde/ life ev]
 kn[n1 ! mo/ deject$ p]son 9 exi/5ce1 ! 
"o :o is surr\nd$ con/antly by infamy1  
blasphemy1 & d>k =ebod+s1 or t "o ^:    
life has be5 a failure & :o ?r\gh       
adv]sity is doom$ to sp5d 8 days beh9d  
prison-walls1 c f9d a hav5 ( re/ 9 ?is  
life & 9 ! life to come4 ,x is ?r\gh !  
grace ( ,god t su* c be accompli%$4  ,no

 matt] :at y\r s9 is or has be51 y c h  
deliv]ance & peace t ! _w c n und]/&4 ,a
 firm decision & tru/ 9 ,god w take y   
?r\gh by 8 grace4 ,:5 trials come1 tell 
! ,"l ab\t !m1 ca/+ all y\r c>es ^u him1
 = he c>e? = y4 ,oh ! ri*es ( 8 grace1 !
 p[] ( 8 love6 ,!re is an abundance 9 ! 
great /oreh\se ( our heav5ly ,fa!r      
subject to our petitions1 & he (f]s 8   
heav5ly ri*es freely & 8 bless+s to be  
p\r$ out )\t measure4  ,n[ unto him t is
 able to d exce$+ abundantly above all t
 we ask or ?9k1 accord+ to ! p[] t      
worke? 9 u1 unto him be glory 9 ! *ur*  
by ,*ri/ ,jesus ?r\gh\t all ages1 _w )\t
 end 7,eph4 #c3bj1 #ba74 ,let u !re=e   
come boldly unto ! ?rone ( grace1 t we  
may obta9 m]cy1 & f9d grace to help 9 "t
 ( ne$ 7,heb4 #d3af74     ,zion's ,bank 
,! foll[+ qua9t v]ses are suppos$ to h  
be5 writt5 by ,rol& ,hill at a "t :5    
public cr$it 9 ,great ,brita9 0 %ak5 by 
! failure ( sev]al banks4     ,i h a    
nev]-fail+ bank1     ,a m ?an gold5     
/ore2   ,no e>?ly bank is half s ri*2   

,h[1 !n1 c ,i be poor8    ',tis :5 my   
/ock is sp5t & gone     ,& ,i )\t a     
groat1   ,i'm glad to ha/5 to my bank   
,& beg a little note4    ,sometimes my  
,bank]1 smil+1 says3     ,:y don't y    
(t5] come8   ,& :5 y draw a little note1
     ,:y n a l>g] sum8    ,:y live s    
nigg>dly & poor8     ,y\r bank conta9s a
 pl5ty4   ,:y come & take a "o-p\nd     
note1     ,:5 y might h a tw5ty8        
,yea1 tw5ty ?\s& t5 times told     ,is b
 a trifl+ sum   ,to :at y\r ,fa!r has   
laid up     ,secure 9 ,*ri/1 8 ,son4    
,s9ce1 !n1 my ,bank] is s ri*1     ,i h 
no cause to borr[2   ,i'll live ^u my   
ca% today1     ,& draw aga9 tomorr[4    
,i've be5 a ?\s& times be=e1     ,& nev]
 0 reject$2   ,sometimes my ,bank] gives
 me m     ,?an ask$ = or expect$4       
,sometimes ,i've felt a little pr\d     
,i've manag$ ?+s s clev]2   ,b ah6 be=e 
! day is gone     ,i've felt z poor z   
ev]4    ,%\ld all ! banks 9 ,brita9     
break1     ,& t ( ,engl& sma%1   ,br+ 9 
y\r notes to ,zion's bank2     ,y'll    

surely h y\r ca%4    ,& if y h b "o     
small note1     ,fe> n to br+ x 92      
,come boldly to ! bank ( ,grace2     ,! 
,bank] is )94    ,all =g$ notes w be    
refus$2     ,man-m]its are reject$2     
,!re n a s+le note w pass     ,t ,god   
has n accept$4    ,?is bank is full (   
preci\s notes1     ,all sign$ & seal$ & 
free1   ,?\gh _m a d\bt+ s\l may say1   
,!re is n "o = me4    ,! lep] _h a      
little note--     ,"l1 if y w y c2   ,! 
,bank] ca%$ ?is little note1     ,&     
heal$ ! sickly man4    ,we read ( "o "y 
man1 inde$1     ,^: ri*es did ab\nd2    
,b 9 ?is ,bank]'s book ( grace     ,?is 
man 0 nev] f\nd4    ,b see ! wret*$ dy+ 
?ief     ,hang by ! ,bank]'s side2   ,he
 cri$1 ,de> ,"l1 rememb] me2     ,he got
 8 ca% & di$4