,,christian ,,life ,,series ,riches of ,grace ,a ,compilation of ,experiences in the ,christian ,life--,a ,narration of ,trials and ,victories ,along the ,way ,,by ,e4 ,e4 ,,byrum 99 99 99 99 99 ,by grace are ye saved through faith4--,eph #b3h4 ,let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace1 that we may obtain mercy1 and find grace to help in time of need4--,heb4 #d3af4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,gospel ,,trumpet ,,company ,anderson1 ,indiana1 ,u4 ,s4 ,a4 ,copyright1 #aiah ,,by ,e4 ,e4 ,byrum ,riches of ,grace 7,cloth7 #a4jj ,,other ,,books ,,by ,,the ,,same ,,author ,startling ,incidents and ,experiences in the ,christian ,life 7,cloth7 #a4jj ,the ,ordinances of the ,bible 7,cloth7 4#dj ,how ,we ,got ,our ,bible 7,paper7 4#aj ,what ,shall ,i ,do ,to ,be ,saved8 7,cloth7 4#ce ,the ,secret of ,salvation3 ,how to ,get ,it and ,how to ,keep ,it 7,cloth7 4#fj ,,contents ,page #a4 ,the ,joy and ,blessings of a ,christian ,life #ac #b4 ,experience of a ,minister #ba #c4 ,the ,testimony of a ,prisoner #ee #d4 ,a ,little ,chinese ,girl #ei #e4 ,persecutions and ,victories of an ,evangelist #fi #f4 ,the ,secret of a ,perfect ,life #hi #g4 ,conversion of a ,young ,jewish ,rabbi #ii #h4 ,among ,mohammedans in ,egypt #abi #i4 ,a ,daughter's ,faith ,rewarded #ada #aj4 ,missionary ,experiences in ,british ,west ,indies #ade #aa4 ,the ,rescue of an ,australian ,lad #aee #ab4 ,heathen ,customs in ,china #aei #ac4 ,deliverance from ,discouragements and ,extremism #afg #ad4 ,liberated from ,faultfinding #aii #ae4 ,help from ,god in ,fiery ,trials #bje #af4 ,experience of a ,school-,teacher in ,india #bce #ag4 ,unconquered ,will ,won by ,love #bcg #ah4 ,an ,experience of a ,hundred ,years ,ago #bde #ai4 ,an ,indian ,mother's ,submission #bec #bj4 ,the ,conversion of ,my ,father #beg #ba4 ,my ,spiritual ,struggles and ,victories #bga #bb4 ,thought ,he had ,sinned away ,his ,day of ,grace #bhc #bc4 ,spiritual ,tests #bic #bd4 ,the ,confession of a ,murderer #cja #be4 ,making a ,complete ,surrender #cjg #bf4 ,interesting ,narratives and ,helpful ,instruction #cac a4 ,failed to ,forgive ,those ,who ,wronged ,him #cae b4 ,despondency and ,discouragement #caf c4 ,unnecessary ,self-,accusations #cah d4 ,troubled about ,making ,confessions #cai e4 ,accused ,god of ,not ,being ,just #cbc f4 ,when the ,tempter ,comes ,oftenest #cbd g4 ,trials ,made ,stepping-,stones to ,greater ,victories #cbe #bg4 ,zion's ,bank 7,a ,poem7 #cca ,author's ,preface ,to be right with ,god and to have a constant knowledge of his approval is the desire of every ,christian4 ,many people deep in sin and others honest at heart have a longing to live a righteous life1 but they have always found obstacles in their pathway and have been defeated in every attempt4 ,in the preparation of this volume the author has aimed to refer to such obstacles and hindrances in the lives of others1 so that any one passing through a trial or laboring under a heavy burden or oppression may1 by reading these narratives1 learn how to find relief4 ,a lady who was victor over many trials and impositions of the enemy1 and who knew that ,i had been passing through some severe ordeals1 said to me3 ,it does me good1 and is a source of great encouragement1 even to know that you and others who are supposed to be strong in faith have trials and severe testings occasionally4 ,it is hoped that the trials and the victories mentioned herein will be not only a source of encouragement to others but such an inspiration to their faith that they will be enabled to understand and do the will of ,god4 ,this book is a compilation of experiences from people in various parts of the world who have written by special request of the author4 ,the fact that they were written by people in ,china1 ,india1 ,australia1 ,egypt1 ,west ,indies1 and other countries1 is evidence that although the environment and circumstances may differ1 yet ,god is everywhere the same to fulfil the promises given in his ,word1 in all countries and among the people of every nation4 ,although the names and addresses are not given1 the experiences are genuine1 and the author will take pleasure in furnishing information concerning any of them4 ,the ,experience of a ,hundred ,years ,ago1 given on page #bde was taken from an old book that in my early childhood days ,i often saw my mother read4 ,the book was old and worn long before ,i was born1 and ,i have only a few pages as a relic of early remembrances4 ,it was entitled ,the ,riches of ,grace4 ,no doubt the title of this old book1 together with a knowledge of the comfort and consolation that my mother received from reading the many ,christian experiences it contained1 contributed to my inspiration in presenting these pages for the benefit of others4 ,i hereby acknowledge my indebtedness and heartfelt thanks to those who have so kindly contributed to this compilation of experiences1 and ,i trust that every burdened soul that reads these experiences may take courage and may henceforth abound in the riches of the grace of ,god4 ,yours for a victorious life1 ,e4 ,e4 ,,byrum4 ,anderson1 ,indiana1 ,january #af1 #aiah4 ,,riches ,,of ,,grace ,the ,joy and ,blessings of a ,christian ,life ,,experience ,,number #a ,the pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine1 its pleasures and sorrows2 and in the ,christian life1 ,i am convinced1 many people live in the shadow more than in the sunshine1 when they could very well have it otherwise4 ,when ,i was about thirteen years of age1 ,i yielded myself to the ,lord and made a decision to spend my life in his service4 ,since that time1 like ,christian in ,bunyan's ,pilgrim's ,progress1 ,i have met with many and varied experiences2 but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that1 no matter how hard my trials1 how near my strength was gone1 nor how little my courage lacked of failing1 just at that time1 when ,i was the most helpless1 ,god was always present to help either by his ,spirit or by sending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me4 ,i have1 indeed1 found the ,christian life to be a warfare4 ,every individual who enlists in the service of the ,lord will have the forces of evil to battle against1 but ,god has made provision whereby every child of ,god can be an overcomer in every conflict4 ,the one who has a firm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help that ,satan can not prevent him from serving the ,lord4 ,the enemy may try to hinder by causing trials1 difficulties1 and perplexities1 and at times the way may seem dark1 with no apparent hope of day2 but our ,god1 who is mighty1 will turn all these seeming hindrances into real blessings and make them stepping-stones to glory4 ,in my youthful days ,i felt a deep desire to work for ,god and longed to fill some place in life where ,i could feel that ,i not only was living a life of salvation1 but was really engaged in my ,master's service4 ,as ,i knelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the ,lord for him to direct me as seemed best1 a dark sorrow filled my heart2 for ,satan whispered3 ,you are too young4 ,you can not stand against the powers of evil that all young people must meet4 ,your covenant with the ,lord is too great for you to keep4 ,but with tears ,i cried unto the ,lord to know if these suggestions were true4 ,at that moment the ,lord gave me the assurance that if ,i decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so4 ,he would give me grace in every time of need4 ,some time after this ,i became very ill and knew unless ,god came to my aid ,i should soon have to leave this world4 ,as ,i thought of my condition1 a joy filled my soul that ,i might soon be with the ,lord4 ,with this joy came also a sadness1 as ,i realized that ,i had done nothing in the vineyard of the ,lord4 ,it seemed that ,i could not bear to go empty-handed4 ,i prayed ,god to spare my life that ,i might work for him4 ,he graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power1 and in a few days ,i was able to attend school4 ,once ,i was about to make a decision and take a step that would have hindered me from filling the place the ,lord designed ,i should fill4 ,at that moment the ,lord made known to me by his ,holy ,spirit in such a way that ,i could not question his leadings that he had called me to his service1 and also made known to me the place that ,i was chosen to fill4 ,immediately ,i was reminded of my covenant with the ,lord1 although ,i had to stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very dear friends4 ,before this ,i had decided not to leave my mother1 but to work near my home so that ,i could readily respond in case of sickness4 ,after considerable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and mother1 brothers and sisters1 in order to take up my work for the ,lord1 the matter became very serious4 ,finally ,i went to the ,lord one morning in earnest prayer4 ,i shall never forget that season of prayer1 when ,i seemed to be in the direct presence of the ,lord4 ,my consecration was put to a test as one question after another was presented1 as to whether or not ,i should be willing to die1 to really give my life1 if ,god so designed1 that my unsaved loved ones might be saved1 or to do the same for lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature4 ,and again1 should ,i be willing to give my life for lost sinners and have them scoff and spurn me8 ,these were hard questions1 but my heart said3 ,lord1 thy will be done4 ,where thou leadest ,i will follow4 ,i was solemnly impressed with the thought3 ,jesus came to save a lost world1 but they crucified him2 instead of accepting his love1 they rejected it4 ,within a short time ,i had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the time had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the ,lord had called me4 ,the way began to open before me1 and as ,i bid loved ones farewell1 a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action was in accordance with ,his will4 ,it gave me much sorrow to leave home1 but ,god so blessed and directed me that ,i have never been sorry that ,i obeyed his voice4 ,over and over ,i have proved that ,god's way is best4 ,his way may cause pain and sorrow at times1 which we may not be able to understand1 but in the end we can know of a truth that ,god has caused all things to work together for our good and for his glory4 ,at one time ,i was very much tested1 and discouragements presented themselves4 ,i was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every burden upon the ,lord4 ,the enemy would suggest that it was of no use for me to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that it would be better to surrender1 and even give place to discouragements1 and that even though ,i should come out a conqueror later1 no one would ever know anything about it4 ,at first this suggestion seemed plausible1 but upon further consideration ,i said3 ,no1 ,i will not surrender4 ,if no one else ever knows1 ,i will know1 ,god will know1 and the devil will know1 that ,i stood true and came out victorious4 ,this experience has since that time often been a real encouragement to me4 ,at another time ,i had for weeks been passing through real testing times4 ,occasionally the trials would lift and ,god would bless my soul1 but again the darkness of depressions would settle over me4 ,i began to weary and to long for deliverance4 ,the suggestion came that it would be better for me to cease serving ,god and never to try again4 ,over and over something whispered that there was no use to continue2 that if others who were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not stand1 there was positively no use in my trying4 ,finally the enemy insisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up1 and that1 after all1 ,i was in a deplorable spiritual condition2 that there was no hope for me4 ,at this point ,i discerned that it was the enemy1 and1 kneeling before ,god1 ,i promised him that if he could get more glory out of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days1 ,i was willing to submit to the trial4 ,when ,i came to this decision my trial vanished suddenly1 and ,god poured the glory into my soul and the victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter4 ,sometimes ,i have had trials in which ,i could see no good nor from which ,i could not perceive how any good could possibly result2 but later ,i would be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me than any treasure this earth could afford4 ,as ,i look upon my past life and see how mercifully ,god has dealt with me1 how he has guided and protected1 and how he has shielded me from the power of the tempter1 my heart cries out1 ,what a mighty ,god6 ,what a great and loving ,father6 ,counting my blessings1 ,i find they so far outnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on1 knowing1 as ,i do1 that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my pathway4 ,for there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man3 but ,god is faithful1 who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able2 but will with the temptation also make a way to escape1 that ye may be able to bear it 7#a ,cor4 #aj3ac74 ,experiences of a ,minister ,,experience ,,number #b ,a careworn woman once asked a philosopher how she might obtain relief from and victory over the trials and sorrows of life4 ,he said to her1 ,fetch me a cup of salt from some home where sorrow and care has never entered1 and ,i will then tell you the secret of victory4 ,after a long and weary journey1 she returned to him saying that she had given up the search in despair2 for in all her travels she found no home entirely free from care and sorrow4 ,like this poor woman1 ,i once longed and sought for some state or condition in life where ,i might be free from the cares and perplexities that distressed me1 but my search too seemed fruitless4 ,at last1 after many disappointments1 ,i found the more excellent way of victory over my trials through simple1 trusting faith in ,him who notes even the sparrow's fall4 ,before ,i fully learned this lesson1 there were times in my life when it seemed ,i was on the verge of despair1 so severe were my trials4 ,as ,i now look back to those scenes and experiences1 there come to my mind the pathetic lines of ,longfellow's poem ,the ,bridge4 ,for my heart was hot and restless1 ,and my life was full of care1 ,and the burden laid upon me ,seemed greater than ,i could bear4 ,but now it has fallen from me1 ,it is buried in the sea2 ,and only the sorrow of others ,throws its shadow over me4 ,and ,i think how many thousands ,of care-encumbered men1 ,each bearing his burden of sorrow1 ,have crossed the bridge since then4 ,for the sake of the many thousands who are still trying to bear their own burdens1 ,i send forth the following account of some of my life's experiences4 ,i trust the ,lord may use it to help some on their way to the feet of ,him who said1 ,come unto me1 all ye that labor and are heavy-laden1 and ,i will give you rest 7,matt4 #aa3bh74 ,there are doubtless thousands whose sins have been forgiven1 but who have not yet learned by actual experience the precious privilege expressed in these words3 ,casting all your care upon him1 for he careth for you 7#a ,pet4 #e3g74 ,an old lady was once trudging along a hot and dusty highway carrying a heavy basket4 ,she was soon overtaken by a kind man1 who invited her to take a seat in the rear of his carriage4 ,after some time had passed1 he looked back to see how his passenger was getting along1 when he was astonished to see her holding that heavy basket on her lap4 ,grandma1 said he1 there is plenty of room2 why do you not set your basket down8 ,oh1 she replied1 you are so kind to take me in that ,i thought ,i would make the load as light as possible for your horses1 so ,i concluded to carry the basket myself4 ,we may smile at her reply1 yet many who have trusted the ,lord to forgive their sins1 are nevertheless trying still to carry their own burdens4 ,,my ,,conversion ,in early childhood ,i was taught to pray and to reverence ,god's ,word4 ,i was deeply impressed with the truths that ,i learned at ,sunday-school4 ,even as a child ,i loved the preaching-service1 and the ,word of ,god made a strong and lasting impression upon my mind4 ,when ,i was about ten years old1 a revival was held in my home community4 ,at an afternoon service1 held especially for the children1 ,i responded to the altar-call1 and there ,i was completely broken up1 the tears running in profusion down my face4 ,my dear mother knelt by my side3 ,my boy1 she said1 if you should desire anything good that ,i could bestow upon you1 would you ask me for it8 ,i promptly replied in the affirmative4 ,then1 she continued1 would you believe that your request would be granted8 ,again ,i answered in the affirmative4 ,that is the way to receive ,god's blessings1 she said4 ,now1 when you ask the ,lord to forgive your sins1 believe that he hears and answers your prayer4 ,in simple1 child-like faith ,i believed the promise1 and the peace of ,god gently flooded my soul4 ,one of the most prominent features of my childhood experience was the peculiar love ,i felt for every one4 ,i longed to see my companions saved4 ,,early ,,trials ,soon after my conversion and before that special series of meetings closed1 ,i heard the pastor relate the experience of a certain boy who had sought and found the ,lord4 ,he said that after a period of earnest seeking1 all the darkness was instantly dispelled and the boy was wonderfully saved4 ,judging from this vivid description1 ,i decided that the boy must have witnessed some sudden manifestation of light4 ,immediately ,i began to doubt my experience4 ,i was still more disturbed when ,i saw older persons struggling night after night at the altar and then finally experiencing some powerful emotions which seemed to be far more wonderful than anything that ,i had experienced4 ,sometimes ,i wished that ,i too might go to the altar again and pray and struggle until some wonderful demonstration should be given to me2 but ,i was naturally backward and timid1 and could scarcely make up my mind to go through such an ordeal of struggling as ,i had witnessed in some of more mature years4 ,,encouragements ,although at times ,i was greatly distressed1 yet often when ,i was in secret prayer1 my heart was greatly comforted and ,i experienced seasons of quiet1 peaceful blessings4 ,i noticed1 too1 that some who had wonderful outward demonstrations at the time they were converted1 did not hold out very long1 but soon drifted back into sin1 while in my own heart the desire still remained to be true to the ,lord4 ,,conflicts ,i did not1 however1 enjoy constant victory4 ,at times ,i gave way to ill-temper or selfish motives4 ,my conscience being tender1 ,i often felt instant condemnation after yielding to these things1 and then ,i would pour out my heart in secret prayer for forgiveness and for grace and strength to resist the temptation more successfully the next time4 ,i remember1 also1 occasions when1 upon the approach of temptation1 ,i would steal away to the secret place of prayer and ask for strength to keep me sweet in my soul4 ,i could then go forth to meet my trials with the utmost calmness and serenity1 and victory then seemed easy4 ,although ,i had a ,christian home1 yet sorrows and trials came into my young life1 very painful ones at times4 ,how often ,i would seek the place of prayer and there in simple1 child-like faith unburden my heart to the ,lord4 ,whenever ,i called upon him1 he always gave me relief and never failed to provide a way of escape from every temptation and difficulty4 ,in seasons of distress and grief1 ,my soul has often found relief1 ,and oft escaped the tempter's snare1 ,by thy return1 sweet hour of prayer4 ,,healing ,although ,i had never received any definite teaching on the subject of divine healing1 yet almost intuitively1 it seems1 ,i would call upon the ,lord for help when afflicted1 and would receive the needed help4 ,several times my mother seemed to be at the point of death4 ,with troubled heart1 ,i sought the place of prayer to tell the ,lord all about it4 ,my heart was comforted1 my prayers were answered1 and ,mother was spared4 ,,call ,,to ,,the ,,ministry ,even in childhood ,i learned to pray and to testify in public4 ,at first these things were very hard for me1 owing to my timid disposition4 ,however1 ,i was always blessed in the effort4 ,the impression came to me early in life that some day ,i should preach the gospel2 in fact1 ,i would occasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience4 ,many of my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my life-work4 ,,drifting ,as time went on1 formality again found its way into our meetings1 and ,i also imbibed its spirit4 ,my conscience was no longer as tender as it had been1 and ,i actually indulged in things that were sinful4 ,still ,i kept up my profession1 attended the services1 testified and prayed in public1 and was generally counted a good ,christian4 ,,conviction ,at last a humble man of ,god became our pastor4 ,without fear1 and yet in gentleness and meekness1 he preached the ,word of ,god as far as he had light4 ,as ,i sat under his preaching1 the truth went straight to my heart1 and ,i began to see my lack4 ,the revival meeting had now begun1 and ,i saw that ,i must either serve ,god in earnest1 obeying him in all things1 or quit professing4 ,,reclaimed ,one night after services1 while on the way to my room1 ,i resolved to get where the ,lord would have me to be even if ,i should have to pray all night4 ,i began2 but the more ,i prayed the worse ,i felt4 ,i was shown one thing after another that ,i should have to give up or make right if ,i would enjoy ,god's favor4 ,about the midnight hour1 ,i had said the last yes to ,god1 and then came the test of faith4 ,that very evening ,i had heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin1 to ask ,god's forgiveness1 and then to believe his promise that he forgives and saves1 whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not2 and although ,i had always longed for the great emotions ,i thought others had experienced1 yet in the absence of any particular feeling1 ,i was willing to believe ,god's promise4 ,when ,i first began to pray1 ,i was conscious of a great deal of fear1 which deepened until it seemed ,i was almost in despair2 but as ,i yielded my will to ,god's will1 all fears subsided1 and just before ,i grasped the promise1 ,i was void of any particular emotion4 ,it seemed to please the ,lord to take this plan to teach me that1 after all1 salvation does not come by feeling4 ,then calmly and quietly ,i laid hold upon the promise1 ,if we confess our sins1 he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins1 and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 7#a ,john #a3i74 ,i said to the ,lord1 ,now ,i am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have me to do2 and although ,i do not feel any great change1 yet ,i believe that1 according to thy ,word1 thou dost save me now4 ,quietly but earnestly ,i said from the depths of my heart1 ,jesus saves me now4 ,in a short time the peace of ,god gently flooded my soul1 and ,i knew that my sins were forgiven4 ,after spending some time in peaceful communion with ,god1 ,i went to sleep1 knowing beyond a doubt that if ,i should never awaken1 my spirit would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest4 ,in my gratitude1 the tears streamed down my face1 and ,i wondered how ,i had ever been content to live at such a distance from ,god as ,i had lived during the past few years4 ,,conflict ,,with ,,doubts ,when ,i awoke the next morning1 the peace of ,god was still in my soul2 but ,satan faintly whispered1 ,perhaps1 after all1 you were mistaken last night2 you may not have a genuine experience of salvation4 ,he suggested also1 ,you do not feel quite so joyful as you did4 ,in spite of all this1 ,i knew that a great change had taken place in me4 ,some whom ,i had previously hated1 ,i now most tenderly loved4 ,life had a new charm for me1 and ,i remarked to my mother that it seemed that ,i had just begun to live4 ,so in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one1 ,i testified publicly how ,god had most wonderfully blessed me4 ,while testifying1 ,i was blessed again4 ,,feelings ,i now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal experience of the ,christian was to be happy and joyful constantly4 ,my joy soon settled down into a deep1 calm peace4 ,soon the enemy began to suggest1 ,where is your joy8 ,you must be losing out4 ,at these times ,i tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer4 ,however1 ,i was not always successful2 and often great distress settled over my spirit4 ,sometimes ,i would almost decide that ,i must be unsaved1 although ,i also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in bondage1 and my supreme desire was to do ,god's will in all things4 ,yet my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day ,i would feel glad and joyful and would conclude that ,i was truly saved4 ,at such times ,i would decide never to doubt my experience again2 then probably the next day1 if not the very same day1 my feelings would change1 and the old doubts would come back again4 ,,severe ,,temptations ,i was also surprized in another respect4 ,the old temptations that had seemingly left me never to return1 as ,i had hoped1 came back with renewed force4 ,by earnest prayer1 however1 ,i obtained complete deliverance4 ,this taught me the necessity of watching and praying4 ,,restitution ,after some time ,i received light on the subject of restitution4 ,although ,i had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one1 yet ,i need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain individuals4 ,this was very humbling to me1 as ,i was generally considered a good boy and a model young man in the community where ,i was born and reared and where ,i still resided at the time of my restoration to the favor of ,god4 ,in fact1 many seemed to believe that ,i was a pretty good ,christian at the very time ,i was in my backslidden condition4 ,it1 therefore1 took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to make these wrongs right4 ,however1 ,i was always blessed in making the required restitution4 ,,going ,,to ,,extremes ,at first ,satan tried to keep me from making any restitution4 ,then1 after ,i had started1 and he saw he could not prevent me1 he pushed me to the other extreme4 ,one little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation4 ,these little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that1 as ,i now review them1 ,i am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge1 and that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them4 ,the following will suffice as a fair sample3 ,i had by oversight forgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil1 which had been about three-fourths used up4 ,months afterwards ,i happened to think of it1 and ,i became so worried and accused that ,i finally attempted restitution1 as ,i had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial instances4 ,i was also driven to the consideration of my past conduct in the light of my present experience4 ,i then made apologies one after another for my past failures4 ,in some instances this was perfectly proper2 but again ,i was driven to such extremes that ,i scarcely had any peace4 ,the natural result was that ,i watched every word and act so carefully that often ,i was afraid to smile1 for fear ,i might laugh at the wrong time4 ,i was so busy watching myself that ,i did not get much enjoyment out of my religious experience4 ,indeed1 the standard ,i set for myself was so rigid that ,i speedily came into bondage4 ,i was unhappy myself and made others unhappy about me4 ,however1 ,i had no intention of going back into sin4 ,,becoming ,,ascetic ,i took a great interest in reading religious books and papers4 ,although doubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble1 and their sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of ,god's kingdom on earth1 yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as to cause a conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for an ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as they set up4 ,my natural tendency1 however1 impelled me to try in my weak way to pattern after the most rigid examples4 ,i noticed that some of the characters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from all except the very plainest of foods4 ,my tendency toward extremes again asserted itself1 and sometimes ,i felt condemned for enjoying even a wholesome meal4 ,i remember one occasion when ,i worried because ,i had indulged in eating a reasonable amount of meat which was pleasing to my taste4 ,the last year ,i was in school these morbid tendencies reached their climax4 ,i had read of devoted men in the ministry who had labored so zealously that they allowed themselves only six hours sleep4 ,besides their daily tasks1 which were enormous1 some of these men had spent as long as two hours each day in private devotions4 ,i tried to force myself to this rigid routine1 besides keeping up with my classes in the university4 ,almost every night religious services were held either in the chapel or in some cottage4 ,on ,sunday there were four and sometimes five services4 ,of course1 ,i felt duty bound to attend all of these1 besides keeping up daily my two hours of private devotions4 ,sometimes ,i was obliged to lose a part of the six hours allotted for sleep1 in order to carry out this rigid program ,i had set for myself4 ,not only did ,i suffer from exhaustion induced by the constant and heavy strain2 but if ,i happened to fail in spending the full two hours in prayer or in reading the ,scriptures1 ,i would sometimes be so terribly accused that ,i would resort to a public confession of my neglect1 and once ,i went to the public altar under accusation that was largely due to this very cause4 ,i had heard a great deal1 also1 concerning our obligation to do personal work and threw myself into this phase of ,christian activity4 ,of course1 ,i soon went to extremes4 ,if ,i happened to be in the company of some one for a short time and failed to speak to him about his soul's welfare1 ,i was likely to be dreadfully accused for gross neglect of duty4 ,under such circumstances it was hard for me to testify1 because the accuser could always find some neglect or oversight with which to trouble me4 ,on the other hand1 ,i was afraid not to testify lest ,i should soon be hopelessly backslidden if ,i neglected this duty4 ,so ,i finally drifted into the habit of silently asking ,god's forgiveness for any possible neglect in any way1 just before rising to testify1 so as to make sure that ,i was in a proper condition to witness for the ,lord4 ,all this was exceedingly wearing on my whole being4 ,a ,,morbid ,,conscience ,at last my conscience became so morbid that every sermon ,i heard and every religious book or tract ,i read was at once compared with my experience to see if ,i lacked in even the lightest details4 ,i happened to read of one devoted man who literally gave all his possessions to the ,lord's work4 ,immediately ,i thought of the small amount of money that ,i had with which to pay my winter's tuition in the university4 ,it was not quite enough to pay all my expenses1 and yet when ,i would decide that ,i could not give my all to the ,lord's work1 terrible accusations would crush me down until it seemed that my reason itself would become unbalanced4 ,in my despair1 ,i opened up my heart to a trusted friend1 and he showed me that this was clearly an accusation from ,satan and should be entirely ignored4 ,all these things told sadly on my mental and physical condition1 so that when the school year ended and ,i returned home to my friends1 they were very much disappointed in me4 ,finally they became alarmed at my morbid condition4 ,,obtaining ,,relief ,satan at last overdid himself2 and by the help of kind friends1 ,i discerned his devices and the extremes to which ,i had been driven4 ,once the following lines were quoted to me3 ,if you want to be distracted1 look about you2 if you would be miserable1 look within2 but if you would be happy1 look to ,jesus4 ,these ,i shall never forget4 ,a friend also pointed out the fact that ,i was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse4 ,he said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as the constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health4 ,just as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with heart-trouble1 so the same habit in the spiritual realm would1 if continually indulged1 prove disastrous to constant peace and victory4 ,it took some time to throw off entirely the straight jacket which had been imposed upon me2 but by patient persistence1 with ,god's grace1 ,i was made an overcomer4 ,i was taught to discern the difference between accusations and the workings of the ,spirit of ,god4 ,the voice of the accuser is harsh1 cruel1 nagging1 or exacting2 ,god's ,spirit is mild1 gentle1 and encouraging4 ,when ,god's ,spirit reveals anything1 it is made clear and plain4 ,the accuser bewilders1 confuses1 and discourages4 ,i also learned that our kind heavenly ,father is not watching for an opportunity to cast us off1 but rather he is seeking by the wooings of his gentle ,spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still waters1 where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the battles and trials of life4 ,he will show us our shortcomings1 but not in a way that will discourage or crush us4 ,oftentimes while ,i was under such crushing accusations1 the tempter would say1 ,how can you ever hope to preach the gospel1 when you are so unsettled in your own experience8 ,one day there came to my mind the scripture in ,eph4 #c3bj1 which says that he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think4 ,i decided that in some way ,god would work out his purpose concerning my life if ,i would patiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability4 ,,inherited ,,disposition ,,to ,,worry ,another lesson ,i needed to learn was to trust ,god with the future4 ,i was naturally inclined to worry4 ,for several generations back my ancestors on one side of my family tree had been given to excessive worry1 their condition at times bordering on utter despondency4 ,i was painfully conscious of this inheritance in my constitutional make-up4 ,in my morbid imagination1 nearly every threatening trouble was magnified to the proportion of a dreadful disaster4 ,many an hour1 and even days1 ,i wasted in useless worry4 ,perhaps not one tenth of my gloomy forebodings ever materialized4 ,,facing ,a ,,nervous ,,collapse ,in order to teach me more thoroughly the lesson of trust1 the ,lord permitted me to pass through a peculiar and severe trial4 ,as ,i looked forward to the time when ,i hoped to take up the active work of the ministry1 ,i had a great desire to be at my best in every way4 ,i had hoped to be in good health so that ,i might be able to bear the strain of the work and to meet every emergency that might arise4 ,but just as ,i was about ready to enter upon my life's mission1 ,i found my health breaking and myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown4 ,this was indeed a keen disappointment to me4 ,my sufferings at times seemed almost intolerable4 ,i could not understand it3 ,i longed so much to be of real service to ,god and to accomplish what ,i regarded as my life-work--the ministry4 ,although the prospects seemed gloomy and my friends expected a complete breakdown in my health1 yet ,i determined to go forward in the name of the ,lord and to do the best ,i could4 ,i even began to fear that my reason would be dethroned4 ,however1 ,i said nothing about my condition to my congregation1 but sought to be a blessing to them in every way4 ,i finally tried to form the habit of beginning each day with a season of thanksgiving for all the blessings ,i could think of4 ,this proved to be very helpful4 ,,relieved ,,by ,,helping ,,others ,some days were more trying than others4 ,while passing through the severest tests ,i learned that it was very helpful to look for some other tried or tempted ones and do my best to cheer and comfort them4 ,just a few doors from where ,i roomed was a lady past middle age1 who had been a sufferer for eleven years4 ,she had been helpless during the greater part of that time4 ,i went to see her often and did what ,i could to lighten her burdens4 ,she knew nothing of my sufferings1 however4 ,she was so grateful for everything ,i did for her1 and the ,lord's presence was so real every time ,i talked or prayed with her that invariably ,i was abundantly helped in the very efforts put forth to cheer and comfort her4 ,sometimes my heart carried an almost intolerable burden2 but after a call in this home of affliction1 my burden would grow light and ,i would sometimes wonder which had been helped the more1 she or ,i4 ,also1 when ,i considered what she had endured for so long1 ,i was ashamed to tolerate anything like discontent concerning my own lot1 which1 though seemingly so hard at times1 was so much better and easier1 in some respects at least1 than hers4 ,there were times when1 to add to my sufferings1 ,satan would bring against me accusations that ,i could not have borne without special help from ,god4 ,often the old temptations to doubt my experience of salvation would return with tremendous force1 and if ,i had listened to the enemy's suggestions1 ,i should have cast aside my experience in spite of all that ,god had ever done for me4 ,the accuser would sometimes begin by suggesting that ,i had never been truly sanctified4 7,i obtained the experience of entire sanctification soon after entering the work of the ministry47 ,then the enemy would become more bold and would suggest1 ,you know that you have often had serious doubts concerning your experience of justification1 and after all1 perhaps you have never been truly converted4 ,after annoying and distressing me in this manner1 ,satan would fling at me such taunts as these3 ,you are a pretty example of a minister who is supposed to be truly called and qualified of ,god to preach his ,word4 ,many times ,i would have a conflict like this just before rising to preach4 ,if ,i had given way to feelings1 ,i would rather have sought some place of quiet seclusion than to have faced the waiting congregation before me4 ,but then the thought would come1 ,perhaps in the congregation there are tempted and tried souls who need special help2 and so ,i would decide to preach1 not according to how ,i felt1 but according to actual knowledge of ,god's ,word1 which is ever unchanging4 ,it seemed that whenever ,i was most severely tried in this manner1 ,i would get the greatest victory and blessing by moving out in the performance of whatever duty confronted me4 ,indeed1 ,i do not remember a single instance when ,i failed to preach at the appointed hour on account of the state of my feelings4 ,i sometimes wondered why the conflict was so long1 for ,i suffered thus month after month4 ,sometimes ,i comforted myself with the thought that some day death would bring relief2 but ,i learned at last that ,god was only permitting these sufferings in order to refine the gold4 ,my best and most helpful sermons were preached while ,i was in the very midst of the deepest suffering4 ,,becoming ,,reconciled ,at last ,i came to realize that it mattered not so much1 after all1 how much ,i suffered1 just so the people whom ,i served were helped and blessed2 that true blessedness in life does not consist in freedom from suffering1 but in accomplishing one's mission in the world according to the divine plan4 ,,christ ,,more ,,real ,some of my most precious seasons of fellowship with ,christ were experienced1 when1 in the absence of all feeling1 except that of severe suffering1 ,i would say by faith alone1 ,thou1 ,o ,christ1 art by my side4 ,thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me4 ,at last ,i accustomed myself to believe his presence was real in spite of my feelings1 so that by faith ,i could almost imagine him at my side4 ,as ,i walked1 it seemed that we kept step together2 as ,i faced my congregations1 he stood by my side1 unseen of course by physical eyes1 but under such circumstances the natural eyes can not be compared with the spiritual sight for clearness of vision4 ,i then learned what ,paul meant to express when he said1 ,while we look not at the things which are seen1 but at the things which are not seen3 for the things which are seen are temporal2 but the things which are not seen are eternal 7#b ,cor4 #d3ah74 ,whom having not seen1 ye love2 in whom1 though now ye see him not1 yet believing1 ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory 7#a ,pet4 #a3h74 ,,some ,,lessons ,,learned ,thus my trials and hardships taught me that a genuine experience of salvation is obtained1 as well as maintained1 not by working up some great feeling or emotion1 but by simple1 trusting faith in ,god1 and implicit obedience to his ,word4 ,i found that our ,god is a loving ,father and not a hard taskmaster4 ,like as a father pitieth his children1 so the ,lord pitieth them that fear him 7,psa4 #ajc3ac74 ,neither does he require us to do anything that is unreasonable4 ,i beseech you1 therefore1 brethren1 by the mercies of ,god1 that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice1 holy1 acceptable unto ,god1 which is your reasonable service 7,rom4 #ab3a74 ,i also learned that the true test of our ,christian experience is not the state of our feelings1 but the power to resist temptation1 to keep sweet under severe trials1 and to manifest the meek and gentle spirit of the ,master4 ,i learned1 moreover1 that the ,lord is not anxious to cast us off for every little failure1 but is long-suffering and patient with us as long as we have a sincere aim and purpose to please him in all things4 ,i learned more fully the secret of casting all my care upon him1 knowing that all things work together for good to them that love ,god 7,rom4 #h3bh74 ,the last few years of my life have been marked by great victory in my experience4 ,the former trials through which ,i passed have increased my usefulness by helping me to be more unselfish4 ,i wondered at the time why ,god permitted such trials and sufferings2 but now as ,i look back upon the past1 ,i see that ,i could not afford to be without the discipline and training which those severe trials brought to me4 ,in my work as a pastor ,i am all the more qualified to sympathize with and to help those who are meeting with similar trials and difficulties4 ,as ,i remember my own conflicts and trials1 ,i can be more charitable for others4 ,,conclusion ,as the ,lord turned again the captivity of ,job and restored to him his former blessings1 so he restored my health in due time1 together with great victory along every line4 ,though ,i still meet with hard trials and perplexing problems1 yet ,i have learned to take them all to him in simple1 trusting faith1 fully assured that he will direct in all things4 ,as already explained1 my natural tendency was to worry2 yet through ,god's grace ,i have been able to meet some of the most perplexing problems with calmness and even in the face of these things to enjoy refreshing sleep1 knowing that he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think 7,eph4 #c3bj74 ,i have ceased to long for an experience like that of some one else1 knowing that ,god has given me one that is best for me4 ,peter and ,john were both true disciples of our ,lord1 yet how differently did they manifest outwardly the workings of ,god's ,spirit within1 which is ever the same6 ,some years ago ,i discerned the oneness of ,god's people and became fully convinced that the ,word of ,god should be our guide in all things pertaining to our spiritual welfare2 that none of it should be omitted or cast aside4 ,since that time the light has been constantly increasing1 and each succeeding year becomes more blessed in his service4 ,i am learning more and more1 as ,paul expresses it1 that in whatsoever state ,i am1 therewith to be content 7,phil4 #d3aa74 ,with the past all under the blood1 ,i have no gloomy forebodings concerning the future2 for ,i know whom ,i have believed1 and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which ,i have committed unto him against that day 7#b ,tim4 #a3ab74 ,the ,testimony of a ,prisoner ,,experience ,,number #c ,the heart is deceitful above all things1 and is desperately wicked 7,jer4 #ag3i74 ,the truthfulness of this scripture has been verified in my life4 ,for more than twenty years ,i lived a most shameful life to satisfy the desires of my wicked heart4 ,i have learned that the more a person yields to the sinful desires of the heart1 the more wicked he becomes4 ,many times during my early school days ,i yielded to the tempter and played truant and ofttimes concluded that it was too hot to study and yielded to the suggestion to go for a swim in the pond1 regardless of consequences4 ,after playing truant the first time1 ,i found a repetition of the act much easier1 until finally my parents became disgusted with me and sent me away to work1 and ,i have worked ever since that time4 ,while in the coal-mines1 ,i received many hard knocks and bumps1 and my education neglected2 whereas1 had ,i not yielded to my wilfulness and the deceitful desires of my heart in the beginning1 ,i might have had a splendid education and today be the possessor of a responsible position4 ,on my fifteenth birthday ,i took my first drink1 yielding to the temptation of taking my dinner-pail and getting ten cents' worth of beer to drink beneath a shady tree4 ,oh1 that ,god would have taken me before it ever touched my lips6 ,i am unable to relate all my experiences since ,i took my first drink1 but would say that ,i have suffered beyond measure and have paid a great price for my folly4 ,it has robbed me of my character1 reputation1 friends1 a beloved wife1 and four beautiful children--three boys and a girl--whom ,i loved more than my own life4 ,after drink had robbed me of all that was dear to my heart1 then the suggestion came for still further destruction by committing suicide4 ,the evil one suggested that as there was nothing left worthy a continuation of my life1 it were better to end it all and find sweet rest in the grave4 ,i was cast into prison1 and the way before me truly seemed dark4 ,while ,i was serving a prison sentence ,i learned there was help for me through the salvation of ,jesus ,christ4 ,it was in the ,bible that ,i learned that the ,lord would create within me a new heart if ,i would only let him in1 and old things are passed away2 behold1 all things are become new4 ,i thought that ,i was too far gone to be forgiven1 but the words found in ,isa4 #a3ah gave me assurance3 ,though your sins be as scarlet1 they shall be white as snow3 though they be red like crimson1 they shall be as wool4 ,these words were to me what a life-preserver is to a drowning person4 ,i grasped them with a trembling heart and found peace to my soul4 ,now1 instead of destroying my own life by committing suicide and seeking rest in the grave1 as ,satan had often suggested1 ,i found sweet rest to my soul in turning to ,jesus1 and the most earnest desire of my heart is to serve him and do that which is pleasing in his sight4 ,now it is a pleasant pastime1 a joy and pleasure1 to read the ,bible and religious books1 tracts1 and papers1 whereby ,i can learn more of the beauties of a life of salvation4 ,may ,god help sinners everywhere to seek him while he may be found4 ,a ,little ,chinese ,girl ,,experience ,,number #d ,she was only a little ,chinese girl1 like ten thousand of others in the great heathen land of which she was a native4 ,she was the youngest of three children1 and her father died while she was but a babe4 ,the mother1 being left a poor widow1 was unable to support her little family4 ,therefore1 according to ,chinese custom1 the son 7who was the oldest of the three7 was to receive the mother's attention1 but the two daughters were to be sold into other homes1 to become wives as soon as they were of marriageable age4 ,it is about the baby girl1 ,baulin1 of whom ,i wish to tell you in this story4 ,the case was put into her grandfather's hands for management1 who arranged for her to go into her uncle's home1 and to finally become the wife of her cousin1 who was a little younger than herself4 ,as soon as she was a few years old she was trained to help wash the clothes1 cook the family rice1 and clean the bowls2 and at an early age she had to work many long hours in a silk-factory for only a few cents a day4 ,these few cents helped to buy her own rice1 and as her uncle was a poor man1 he could not afford to support his si-fu 7daughter-in-law7 without receiving something for it4 ,never a day was this dear child sent to school4 ,it was not customary to educate ,chinese girls1 except it should be those of greater wealth or rank4 ,time went on until ,baulin was about fourteen years old4 ,in the meantime her uncle had come in contact with missionaries representing the full gospel of ,jesus ,christ4 ,as he became better acquainted with the doctrine1 and obtained an experience of salvation1 he saw that it would not be right to enforce the marriage of ,baulin to his son2 the matter was to be left to their own choice1 when they grew old enough to decide4 ,still the responsibility was upon him to continue supporting her to the same extent that he previously had4 ,in the course of another year or two1 ,baulin not only had shown an interest in the gospel1 but had a desire to take up her abode in the mission compound to assist with the cooking for the other natives who lived there4 ,in this capacity she faithfully labored a few months1 during which time she came for prayer for salvation4 ,the missionaries in charge had found difficulty in obtaining native help for their own kitchen4 ,one day it suddenly dawned upon the mistress of the house that ,baulin might be trained for the culinary department4 ,when the idea was suggested1 this dear young girl was delighted at the thought of promotion in usefulness4 ,arrangements were immediately made1 and the new plan proved successful4 ,though she did not so much as know how to pare potatoes1 fry eggs1 nor set the table for foreign food1 yet her eager willingness to learn made her easy to teach4 ,her natural inability to take responsibility1 to manage1 and to exercise her own judgment1 were points greatly against her becoming a competent cook4 ,however1 by the mistress continuing to plan the meals and to bear the general responsibility1 ,baulin soon developed into a very reliable and useful worker4 ,two years later when the missionaries moved to another station1 she was pleased to accompany them and to continue as their cook4 ,in the meantime1 however1 a serious change came over her uncle1 which made ,baulin entertain fears concerning her former engagement for marriage4 ,this man1 who was so dependable before1 gradually became entangled in business matters1 swindled others out of a considerable amount of money1 resulting in his utter spiritual downfall4 ,instead of making efforts to rise again1 he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into sin1 until all hope was given up for his return4 ,baulin was exceedingly fond of her own people1 and her relatives were not a few4 ,but after her uncle had backslidden1 she began to receive more or less persecution from her people4 ,it so happened that the new station to which she accompanied the new missionaries was the city in which her mother lived4 ,she was employed there as servant for a high-class family4 ,the mother1 though having been in contact with the ,christian religion for many years1 still remained a rank heathen1 having great faith in the worship of idols4 ,the time came when the missionaries were about to depart on furlough to the homeland1 and now a serious question confronted ,baulin3 ,what shall ,i do1 or what can ,i do8 ,but before continuing this narrative1 let me say here that during the three years that she was employed as cook1 she made a perfect record of honesty and uprightness--something which probably can not be said of one out of a hundred of ,chinese cooks4 ,not once was she even suspected of taking without permission1 so much as a crust of bread or a spoonful of anything belonging to the foreign kitchen4 ,when other natives of the compound would ask her for a bit of food which happened to be left in the dishes1 she would never give it without first asking permission to do so4 ,she seldom broke dishes1 but when she did1 she lost no time in making acknowledgment4 ,thus her honesty1 conscientiousness1 and modesty won a warm place in the hearts of those whom she served1 and when she appealed to them for help in solving the problem which so perplexed her mind about the time that she must be separated from them1 they gladly shared her burden4 ,it was by seeing her stedfastness through this trial that her real worth could be appreciated more than ever before4 ,from a ,chinese point of view1 she was still under age1 though she was now about eighteen4 ,her mother had never given up the idea that she should be married to her cousin when they both became old enough4 ,at this time her uncle was in a backslidden state1 and in all probability would insist on the marriage4 ,the boy himself1 her cousin1 was growing up rather a worthless young man4 ,he had been in school more or less1 but was not extra bright4 ,recently his father had placed him as an apprentice in a shoeshop4 ,he had shown no inclination whatsoever toward spiritual things1 though he had had many advantages of hearing the gospel4 ,baulin knew that she would soon be out of employment1 and this meant much to the young girl2 for she was now fully self-supporting and1 besides1 had helped her uncle more than once in his financial straits4 ,to return to the former mission station1 at which city most of her people lived1 seemed the only open door before her4 ,yet this meant more persecution1 and should she have to return to the silk-factory to work1 she would be deprived of attending meeting1 for the girls and women employed there must toil on from early morn till late at night1 seven days a week4 ,it was when she heard that her uncle was making a business trip to the city where she was now living and where her mother also lived1 that she became more anxious concerning a quick settlement of that marriage question1 and it was in this that she earnestly begged the missionary to help4 ,a meeting was called at which ,baulin1 her mother1 her uncle1 the missionary1 and a few others were present4 ,baulin requested a written agreement signed by her mother and uncle1 that the engagement to her cousin was broken1 and that they should have no power to compel her engagement to any one else1 but that she should have the right herself to make choice of her life companion4 ,the question was discussed1 but met with extreme opposition at first by the mother1 insomuch that the girl finally declared that because she was a ,christian and desired to do the right she would die rather than be compelled to marry a man who was not a ,christian and one whom she did not love4 ,the uncle's greatest objection was that he had no money to buy another girl for his son1 and the son would blame his father for not having a wife ready for him1 according to ,chinese custom4 ,after several meetings1 hours of discussion1 and much prayer on the part of the ,christians1 a paper and a duplicate were finally signed1 which set this dear young ,christian free from her childhood engagement1 and oh1 what a beaming countenance she wore6 ,keenly did she realize it would not be easy to return to her home city and face her heathen relatives1 who would all be against her on account of the step she had taken1 but she was very happy in knowing that her persecution was for righteousness' sake4 ,well able did she feel1 through the grace of ,god1 to meet the worst that might come4 ,her joy was increased some days later1 when word was received that the mission station in the same city where her people lived would be glad to use her as cook and general helper in the house4 ,thus she would not need to go back to the factory to earn a living1 but could be employed more directly in the service of ,god and be under the care of the church4 ,i hope all who read this true story will not forget to breathe a prayer for this dear young girl1 who so boldly took her stand for the truth and right1 in the midst of opposition from heathen relatives4 ,we can not but hope that she may some day be as reliable a spiritual worker as she is today a temporal worker4 ,persecutions and ,victories of an ,evangelist ,,experience ,,number #e ,it is with pleasure and gratitude that ,i take advantage of this opportunity of telling of ,god's wonderful dealings with me4 ,it is now a little over ten years since ,i was converted4 ,i had the advantage of being reared in a ,christian home4 ,my parents having been saved for a good many years4 ,when ,i first heard of people who believed the entire ,word of ,god as it was preached in the days of the apostles1 ,i wondered what kind of people they were4 ,some of the ministers were conducting some meetings not far from where we lived1 and1 hearing of these people1 ,i asked my father if it would not be possible for them to come to our community4 ,being surprized at my question and glad to hear that ,i was interested in hearing those people1 he suggested that ,i should speak to them personally and ask them to come4 ,these meetings were conducted about eight miles from our home4 ,it was a cold ,october day when ,i drove to the place with horse and buggy and asked the people to come to our town4 ,they were glad for the invitation1 and we returned to my home the same day4 ,there was especially one thing about them which surprized me1 and that was how happy and contented they seemed to be2 but ,i was a little unwilling to believe that it was really possible for a person to enjoy religion1 for my association with so-called ,christian people had made the impression upon my mind that ,christianity1 or salvation1 was only for those who could not enjoy themselves in the world4 ,when the company that were to hold the meeting came to our home1 ,i decided to study and examine their lives to find out whether they really possessed the joy and satisfaction that ,i was longing for4 ,their quiet1 devoted lives convinced me of the fact that ,i ought to become a ,christian4 ,deep conviction settled down upon me in the meetings4 ,my mother and father1 whose lives had made a deep impression upon me1 pleaded with me to yield to ,god1 but ,i was still unwilling to surrender4 ,after the meetings closed ,i tried to quench the ,spirit by indulging in worldly pleasures and associating with my old friends1 but it seemed that the ,spirit of ,god was working so powerfully upon me that it was impossible to resist him4 ,i remember especially an experience one afternoon4 ,i was brought face to face with the supreme question1 ,are you ready to meet ,god8 ,i decided that ,i would not yield1 but that ,i would enjoy the pleasure of sin and the world for some years and later become a ,christian4 ,not being able to quench the convictions that the ,spirit of ,god had wrought upon me1 ,i deliberately indulged in blasphemy1 determined to make the ,holy ,spirit leave me1 but ,i am glad to say that ,god was merciful to me in not permitting my soul to be lost4 ,for a moment ,i felt as though ,i had committed the unpardonable sin1 that heaven was closed1 and that my soul was lost forever4 ,but ,i turned to ,god with tears and a broken heart1 the ,spirit of ,god again strove with me1 and my sins were mercifully forgiven4 ,the joy of heaven filled my soul1 and ,i received the assurance that my name was written in the ,book of ,life4 ,this was ,november #e1 #aije4 ,,sanctification ,my soul was perfectly satisfied1 and for some time ,i felt as though all that heaven could give to a human being in this world had been given to me4 ,but later ,i began to realize the need of something more4 ,i heard teaching on the doctrine of entire sanctification and began to study about it in the ,bible4 ,the knowledge thus obtained caused me to seek for the experience1 but ,i did not receive it as soon as ,i had expected4 ,after some very hard struggles and much disappointment ,i finally concluded that the teaching was wrong in regard to this matter and that it was impossible to obtain the experience as it had been presented to me4 ,trying to comfort myself with this thought1 ,i let the matter rest for a while1 but ,i was not satisfied4 ,about two years after my conversion ,i decided that this matter should be settled between ,god and my soul4 ,going to the ,lord in earnest prayer1 ,i made a perfect consecration of all to ,god4 ,the ,lord began talking to my soul1 and he made it clear to me that the reason why ,i had not obtained the experience sooner was not because the doctrine ,i had heard was wrong1 but because ,i had an exaggerated idea of what sanctification really would do4 ,i was under the impression that everything in my human nature which had caused me trouble would be removed in sanctification4 ,i had failed to see that in sanctification human desires are not taken away but sanctified4 ,i saw clearly that the cause for the most of my troubles was that ,i had failed to discriminate between carnality and humanity4 ,while ,i was consecrating1 the ,lord spoke to me1 not audibly but by his ,spirit1 and asked me if ,i was willing to go to ,denmark with the gospel4 ,i was able to surrender on all points but this one1 seeing that going to a foreign country would conflict with all my plans for the future4 ,i felt very much like ,abraham when he went to ,mount ,moriah with his only son to offer him there upon ,god's altar4 ,but seeing that this was the only way and desiring to obtain the experience1 ,i surrendered1 placed all on the altar1 and immediately ,i was sanctified and baptized with the ,holy ,ghost4 ,praise the ,lord6 ,there were no outward demonstrations1 no special manifestations of the power of ,god2 but the ,holy ,ghost1 being enthroned in my heart1 gave me a power over the world and self which ,i had not experienced heretofore4 ,this glorious experience ,i have now enjoyed for several years1 and it never was more precious to me than it is at the present time4 ,halleluiah6 ,,going ,,to ,a ,,foreign ,,country ,for a while ,i did not think more about my call to the work of ,god in ,europe1 but there was a deep longing in my soul to see people saved1 and whenever time permitted ,i would do all the personal work ,i could1 distributing literature1 visiting people in their homes1 helping in meetings1 etc4 ,my parents being ,danish1 they naturally made me think more of the ,scandinavian people than ,i otherwise would have thought1 and my heart was often burdened that this glorious truth might be brought to them4 ,these thoughts ,i kept to myself1 speaking only to ,god about the matter4 ,at last the burden became so heavy that ,i opened my heart to a minister in whom ,i had very much confidence1 and he told me that a year before that time the ,lord had clearly shown that ,i should go to ,denmark with the gospel4 ,next ,i opened my heart to my parents4 ,naturally they felt sorry that ,i should leave them1 but in another sense they were glad to see me enter the work of the ,lord4 ,the ,lord had revealed to my mother the evening of my conversion that ,i should preach the gospel1 but she did not think that my field of labor would be in a foreign country4 ,an older minister1 who had for some time been thinking of going to ,scandinavia1 asked me if it would not be possible for me to accompany him2 and when the matter was brought before the church1 it was finally decided that ,i should go4 ,we sailed from ,new ,york ,dec4 #ah1 #aiji1 and arrived in ,denmark1 ,jan4 #c1 #aiaj4 ,this brother and his wife stayed with relatives1 while ,i made my home with different people1 some of them unsaved2 and the most disagreeable thing that ,i met at the beginning was that ,i was often obliged to stay in homes where ,i knew ,i was not welcome4 ,but in all the trials and disappointments there was one thing that especially encouraged and comforted me1 and that was that ,i knew ,god had sent me to ,scandinavia4 ,i shall never forget the first time ,god gave me a little favor among the people4 ,an old gentleman expressed his desire to have me give my testimony after the sermon4 ,i was at that time unable to express my thoughts in the ,danish language1 but in my heart ,i carried a very heavy burden for the people4 ,with this burden on my soul ,i arose1 and the feelings ,i could not express in words ,i expressed in tears4 ,that evening four souls came to the altar and were gloriously saved4 ,from that time on my services were in demand1 and it was not long until a goodly number sought the ,lord in the meetings4 ,about a year from this time a ,baptist minister asked me to come to his town and hold a four days' meeting4 ,after earnestly praying over the matter ,i decided to break my engagement at another place 7something ,i do not do unless specially directed of the ,lord7 and to hold these meetings4 ,instead of holding four meetings1 ,i held one hundred and thirty meetings1 and about one hundred souls were gloriously saved4 ,there were a number of young men in the town who determined that they would break up the meetings1 but we asked them to come and take part in the song-service1 which generally commenced about a half hour before the preaching-service4 ,often the stores would be closed early in order that the people might be able to attend the meetings1 and it was not long until nearly all the young men of the town were sitting on the front seats listening to the word with tears in their eyes4 ,an intoxicated man1 who was sent out by a saloon-keeper to make disturbance1 attacked me in front of the congregation4 ,a young man who also was under the influence of liquor but who was in sympathy with the work ,i was doing1 stepped to my side and offered to defend me with his fist4 ,in anger he said to the other man1 ,i want to tell you that we are not going to let you disturb our meetings4 ,i tried to calm them1 but in spite of all ,i did1 the man was unmercifully treated as soon as he got outside by the people whose sympathies had been won by the gospel4 ,,persecuted ,,for ,,the ,,gospel',s ,,sake ,the saloon-keeper mentioned above1 who almost failed in business because of the revival1 tried to work out a plot against me4 ,he had a friend who lived in the ,state of ,michigan1 to whom he wrote for information concerning my life4 ,this man wrote back3 ,the minister who is preaching in your town is a professional white-slave trader1 and has escaped the authorities here in ,america and fled to ,europe4 ,this letter was taken to the officials in ,denmark1 and immediately ,i was arrested4 ,one of the best detectives in the kingdom and several state officials were working on the case4 ,a number of impressions were taken of my fingers and my picture was hung up in police stations among those of professional thieves and criminals4 ,a very bitter persecution also broke out in the ,scandinavian press4 ,among the people ,i was generally known as ,the ,prophet4 ,my aunt and cousin in ,copenhagen were nearly dumbfounded one day1 when1 as they passed one of the large printing-houses in the city1 they saw on the news bulletin of a prominent daily in large bold type1 which could be read at a long distance1 the following3 ,the ,prophet ,morris ,johnson--,white-,slave ,trader--,baptized ,naked ,women--,stole ,church's ,money-,box--,went to ,america with ,fifty ,young ,girls and ,sold ,them to the ,houses of ,ill-,fame--,escaped the ,hands of the ,authorities4 ,none of these things were true1 however2 but wherever ,i went ,i was carefully watched by the authorities4 ,my name was associated with the most ignoble1 immoral1 and dishonorable things1 and the matter was given such publicity that ,i could not board a train or a steamer without its being made known to those around me4 ,finally the people of ,god to whom ,i had been preaching considered it their duty to encourage me to appeal to the law for protection1 one brother offering to spend five thousand crowns on the case4 ,this ,i could not do1 for it would have conflicted with my ,christian principles2 but at last ,i saw that the only way ,i could satisfy them was to do something to prove that ,i was not guilty of the accusations4 ,accordingly ,i went to ,copenhagen1 spoke to the ,united ,states ,minister and to a prominent lawyer about the matter4 ,they encouraged me to take up a law suit against the parties who had so inhumanly treated me1 but feeling that ,i should grieve ,god by doing so1 ,i decided to patiently suffer1 knowing that ,god would stand by me and that in the end his name would be glorified4 ,i must admit that had it not been for the fact that the people of ,god were praying for me and that ,god in a special way comforted and strengthened me1 ,i should not have been able to stand through this trial4 ,about three months after the time ,i had been in ,copenhagen1 a state official published in the paper an article in which he made known to the public that after a thorough examination of my case they were satisfied that ,i was innocent and was worthy of the moral support of the people4 ,,revivals ,i am glad to say that this persecution resulted in a wonderful outbreak of spiritual life in ,scandinavia4 ,hundreds of people came out to the meetings and a large number of souls were saved4 ,the ,state ,bishop1 a very influential man1 was called upon to oppose the meetings4 ,in a public discourse he mentioned my name twenty times1 but this only aroused a greater curiosity in the hearts of the people to hear the word1 and in this way people were brought under the influence of the gospel who would never have been reached any other way4 ,i shall never forget an experience ,i had in a revival in ,hjorring1 ,denmark4 ,we had rented a large hall1 and the first evening there were about five hundred people present4 ,i had been passing through some very hard trials just before this meeting1 but the trial reached its climax as ,i stood before that audience4 ,i did not feel the help of the ,holy ,spirit at all as ,i was preaching4 ,i went to my room that evening with a heavy heart and spent some time on my knees in earnest prayer4 ,later it was made clear to me why ,god permitted me to pass through this trial4 ,the following ,sunday evening the power of the ,holy ,spirit was poured out upon that audience in such a measure that it was almost impossible for the people to resist it4 ,there were about #gej people present1 and most of them stayed for the altar-service4 ,there was not room at the altar for those who wanted to seek ,god1 so the people fell on their knees and began to pray1 and all over the hall one could hear sinners crying to ,god for mercy4 ,many of them were saved4 ,the meeting did not close until after midnight4 ,i then saw that the reason why ,god had permitted me to pass through that test was that he might prepare me for the great blessing presently to be poured out upon the meeting4 ,,all-,,night ,,meeting ,in ,lokken1 ,denmark1 the people of ,god gathered one evening for a special meeting4 ,the word of ,god became so precious to us that we could not leave the place4 ,a large number testified and after midnight we had an ordinance-meeting1 which was followed by a sermon1 and that by an altar-call4 ,several came forward and sought the ,lord for sanctification1 and a few who were so much interested that they could not leave1 came and were saved4 ,the altar-service was broken up when a brother came in and exclaimed1 ,hurry up1 or you'll miss the train4 ,this was the morning train1 which left at five o'clock4 ,the good work continued at this place1 and there were open doors for me to preach the gospel in all parts of the kingdom where before warnings had been published against me4 ,,meeting ,a ,,philosopher ,during my stay in ,copenhagen it was my privilege to become acquainted with an educated young man1 a doctor of philosophy1 who had been influenced by higher critics1 such as have doubted the miraculous accounts given in the ,holy ,scriptures4 ,when ,i was introduced to him1 ,i noticed that he thought it would not be very difficult for him to weaken my faith and confidence in regard to religious matters4 ,he immediately expressed his desire to have some private talks on religious questions1 to which ,i gladly consented1 but greatly feeling my need of special wisdom and grace from ,god4 ,we would often sit up until after midnight1 but ,i enjoyed these conversations and discussions1 for they gave me an understanding of the position that such persons generally take in regard to religion4 ,one evening he accompanied me to the country1 where ,i held a meeting in a private home4 ,about fifteen minutes after ,i had entered the pulpit1 ,i noticed that a deep conviction settled down upon him4 ,tears filled his eyes1 and he was unable to hide his emotions4 ,one night at one-thirty in the morning he said to me3 ,i have a question ,i want to ask you4 ,i have had your life under my microscope for a while and have come to the conclusion that you are one of the happiest and most contented young men ,i have ever met4 ,still ,i have noticed that you have no interest whatever in the enjoyments and pleasures that other young men of your age seem to be so taken up with4 ,tell me1 what is the source of your happiness8 ,my reply was1 ,the source of my joy and happiness is the ,christ that you are trying to deny4 ,tears filled his eyes1 and he said to me1 ,in my public lectures and discourses and with my pen ,i have tried to influence people against ,christianity1 but now ,i have found that ,christianity can satisfy and make happy2 so ,i will never use my influence in that way any more4 ,i did not have the privilege of seeing this young man converted1 but ,i am sure that some day ,i shall meet him in heaven4 ,,trusting ,,the ,,lord ,when ,i entered the gospel field1 ,i decided that ,i should trust ,god to supply all my needs4 ,my father upon bidding me good-by said1 ,now1 my son1 if you ever need help financially1 you must let me know1 and ,i shall be glad to help you4 ,i thanked my father1 but told him that he should not feel under obligations to me more than to any other missionary and that it was my intention to trust ,god4 ,i paid my own fare to ,europe with the exception of one dollar1 which was given me by a kind brother4 ,for a while ,i got along well1 for ,i had a little personal money2 but the time came when ,i needed help4 ,i especially remember one occasion when ,i needed some means4 ,i prayed and wept before the ,lord as a child before its father1 asking the ,lord what he was going to do with me now4 ,after ,i had prayed a while1 the ,lord assured me that my prayer was heard4 ,two days later ,i received a money-order from a brother in ,south ,dakota and was able to meet all my obligations and even had some to spare4 ,praise the ,lord6 ,another time during my stay in ,norway ,i needed a certain amount of money and began to pray to ,god concerning the matter4 ,the amount needed was about twenty dollars4 ,a few days from that time ,i received a money-order for eleven dollars from some one in ,copenhagen from whom it would have been altogether unreasonable for me to expect financial help4 ,but this person wrote that ,god had made it clear that this money should be sent to me4 ,i also received a letter from a man in ,america with a money-order for ten dollars4 ,he wrote3 ,i am sending you ten dollars1 and feel that ,i must send it off immediately4 ,hope you will receive it in time4 ,my needs were supplied1 and you can be sure ,i was a happy man4 ,i have learned by experience that there is no life happier or nobler than the life that is fully surrendered and consecrated to ,god4 ,the ,secret of a ,perfect ,life ,,experience ,,number #f ,a little more than half a century ago ,i drew my first breath of life4 ,it was a day in early ,may1 so ,i have been told3 the sun was shining1 the birds were singing1 and the early flowers were in bloom4 ,it is not to be supposed that my environment in life's early hour had any influence upon the passions of my soul2 nevertheless1 from my earliest recollection ,i have been an ardent lover of the esthetical in nature4 ,many of the days of my childhood were spent wandering through the fields in the bright sunshine1 admiring and culling the flowers2 rambling through the leafy wood1 listening with glad heart to the songs of birds2 or sitting on the mossy bank of the rippling brooklet delighted by the music made by its crystal waters as they played among the rocks4 ,but the happy1 innocent days of childhood do not last always3 the sun does not always shine1 nor the birds sing2 neither do the flowers always bloom along our way4 ,oh1 if we could only have been overlooked--many of us have thought in the dreary days of after-life--by ,father ,time and been left behind to be always in the green1 sun-lit fields of childhood1 how happy we should have been6 ,but it was not so2 and now1 since ,i have found the riches of grace1 ,i am glad it was not so4 ,no one can escape the onward-leading hand of ,time4 ,he will lead us1 despite our protests1 into days where the sun has ceased shining1 where the birds have flown to a more genial clime1 and where the flowers have faded4 ,as our much-loved poet has said1 ,into each life some rain must fall-- ,some days must be dark and dreary4 ,my life has been a confirmation of these words4 ,,my ,,first ,,sin ,among the recollections of my early childhood1 one is more deeply impressed on my mind than any other1 so deeply and firmly stamped that the many and varied experiences of fifty years have failed to make it less clear and distinct to the vision of memory than it was the day it occurred4 ,it was the committing of a sin4 ,it may have been my first wilful transgression1 but1 however that may be1 it was one that caused an awful sense of guilt to come into my heart1 and ,i trembled1 as it were1 in an unseen presence4 ,no one had ever spoken to me of ,god1 of shunning the wrong1 or of doing the right1 except my mother 7sweet today is my memory of her72 so ,i carried my trouble to her1 and in her presence the tempter led me into falsehood1 so that ,i was made more wretched than before4 ,,getting ,,deeper ,,into ,,sin ,the days sped on2 and after a few years1 ,i had won the title of ,bad ,boy4 ,though the sins of those youthful days 7over which ,i prefer to throw the relieving mantle of forgetfulness7 were dark and deep1 ,i did not altogether lose my love for the beautiful and the good4 ,in those shadowy days1 a ray of sunlight would now and then break through1 a bird-note would be heard1 and a fragrant flower would raise its drooping head4 ,in such hours1 ,i would get a glimpse of a better life4 ,an unseen hand would set before me a picture of a pure life1 and in my fancy ,i would see myself a good man4 ,oh1 that the dreams of those youthful days were more perfectly fulfilled6 but ,i must give praise to ,god for what he has wrought in me4 ,many a time at the midnight hour in those youthful days1 after ,i had left some den of vice1 there would be whisperings in my soul of a higher1 nobler life4 ,as ,i1 in my fancy1 gazed down through the years1 the angel of goodness would shift before me bright pictures of the different characteristics of a holy life4 ,at this distant day1 on looking back1 ,i am surprized to note in what trueness the ,holy ,spirit set before me the ideal godly life4 ,but ,i must be brief1 as only a few pages of this work are allotted to me in which to tell you how ,i found--or1 rather1 what ,i found to be--the secret of a perfect life4 ,,my ,,conversion ,i was converted at the age of twenty-eight4 ,a few months later1 realizing the need of a deeper spiritual life1 ,i yielded myself a living sacrifice to ,god1 and he gave me the desire of my heart4 ,bless his name6 ,to tell you the joy of my soul in these experiences1 is immeasurably beyond the power of my pen4 ,the happiness of a pure life fancied in the day-dreams of my youth were more than realized4 ,although ,i was of a highly imaginative mind1 the joy my heart found in the riches of redeeming grace was numberless times greater than the fancied joys pictured to my mind in my boyhood hours4 ,my heart now flowed out in a gushing stream of love to ,god1 and my mind glowed with thoughts of him4 ,it was the poet ,milton who said3 ,as to other points1 what ,god may have determined for me1 ,i know now2 but this ,i know--that if he ever instilled an intense love of moral beauty into the breast of any man1 he has instilled it into mine4 ,ceres1 in the fable1 pursued not her daughter with a greater keenness of inquiry than ,i1 day and night1 the idea of perfection4 ,and ,i think the same was true of me4 ,early in my religious life ,i became conscious that the law of development is written in the ,christian heart1 and that this law1 if given full scope1 will raise us year after year into higher degrees of perfection4 ,the ,holy ,spirit revealed to me also at this time the secret of attaining to this perfect life by a natural growth in grace day after day4 ,in love and humility lies the secret of a perfect and successful ,christian life4 ,the earnestness with which we seek ,god is in proportion to our love for him4 ,just as truly as the seven colors are woven together in one white ray of sunlight1 so truly are the laws of a perfect life gathered up and fulfilled in the life of those who love ,god4 ,love is the fulfilling of the law4 ,no man can escape the effect of breaking a law of love4 ,what fragrance is to the flower1 obedience is to love4 ,any act of unfaithfulness to ,god or man sounds a false note on the golden harp of love4 ,he who loves truth intensely will dwell with truth2 he who loves purity of thought will think only on things that are pure4 ,vain thoughts will he hate4 ,he who loves learning will seek after learning and just to that intensity of his love for it4 ,he who loves home will dwell at home as much as possible1 and home will become sweeter home4 ,he who loves ,god will dwell with ,god1 will seek after ,god1 thereby strengthening his affection for ,god and daily growing into his perfection4 ,,humility ,,needed ,but love alone will not suffice2 humility is needed that love may be rightly directed4 ,if humility be lacking1 love unconsciously begins to center in self4 ,with a feeling of shame ,i confess that twice in my life since becoming a ,christian1 ,i have lost the ballast of humility so that love went astray4 ,i thought to love ,god and be faithful2 ,i thought that ,i was attaining to greater love2 but to my surprize1 when the ,holy ,spirit set my heart before me in the clear light of pure love1 ,i found within that awful1 ghastly1 defiling principle of self-love4 ,if your soul loves the perfect life1 humble yourself under the hand of ,god and keep yourself in his love4 ,after years of experiences and some sad failures1 ,i have found1 with a greater certainty than ever1 that love ballasted by humility is the secret of a happy1 holy life4 ,i trust that during the remaining days of my life my soul shall flourish like the palm-tree1 and grow strong like the cedars of ,lebanon1 and that ,i shall develop into that greater fulness of ,god--into a more perfect image of him4 ,today ,i know that ,god is love2 and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in ,god1 and ,god in him4 ,as my inner man is renewed day by day1 to my spiritual eyes the ideal perfect life grows in loveliness4 ,as ,i journey on toward the setting of life's sun1 ,i can see farther into the beyond1 catch clearer glimpses of unseen things1 hear more distinctly the songs of angels1 scent in greater sweetness the fragrance from the flowers that grow in that celestial land1 and feel the beauty of the ,lord growing upon me4 ,i have passed through the furnace flames2 but ,god has brought me through1 and he will bring you through4 ,a ,,perfect ,,ideal ,have there been times in your life when a glowing feeling crept into your heart and you beheld a vision of ideal perfection8 ,oh1 be obedient to the heavenly vision1 remembering this1 that the secret of approach to your ideal is love and humility4 ,humility will keep you in the right path as love hurries you on after your ideal4 ,neither the rocks1 the thorns1 the waves1 nor the furnace flames1 retard the lover in his race for a perfect life when the vision is kept clear before his soul4 ,have you made failures8 ,so have ,i--greater failures1 perhaps1 than any you have made or ever will make2 but the ,god who transforms the caterpillar into the butterfly will transform you into his perfect image if you only love him intently and be submissive to all his will4 ,conversion of a ,young ,jewish ,rabbi ,,experience ,,number #g ,i was born in an orthodox ,jewish family4 ,when ,i was but four years of age1 my parents took me to ,england and put me in charge of the late ,rabbi ,horowitz of ,london to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life4 ,at the age of seventeen years ,i completed my course of instruction as a fully legalized rabbi1 but was too young to take the responsibilities of a district or synagog4 ,at that time ,i returned to the ,united ,states and soon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator1 traveling from city to city and ,state to ,state1 until ,i left the first principles of my rabbinical teaching4 ,while traveling through ,canada ,i became acquainted with an anarchist and partly accepted his belief4 ,i strayed so far away from my early teaching that from time to time while speaking1 ,i would hold up my ,hebrew ,bible and tear it to pieces1 cursing ,god and denying that there was a ,god4 ,i really became so hardened that ,i almost believed in my heart that there was no ,god4 ,on the twenty-sixth day of ,october1 #aijg1 ,i came to ,chicago1 and while ,i was speaking that night on the platform1 holding the ,hebrew ,bible1 tearing it1 and ready to curse ,god1 there came a sudden strong voice1 as it were1 and1 to my surprize1 repeated to me the following words3 ,they shall look upon me whom they have pierced1 and they shall mourn after him as one mourneth for its only begotten1 and they shall be in bitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born4 ,while ,i listened to this1 ,i thought that some one was behind the platform speaking these words4 ,i looked behind the platform1 but could find no one4 ,when ,i resumed my speech1 the voice came again speaking the same verse1 and ,i became almost paralyzed for a while4 ,after the meeting was over1 as ,i walked toward my apartments1 ,i heard the voice for the third time1 speaking to me in stronger terms than ever4 ,the miserable feelings came stronger and stronger4 ,in fact1 ,i began to look for peace to my conscience1 but did not know how to find it4 ,in this trouble of soul1 no one among all the orators1 ,jewish rabbis1 or religious people of different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to give me advice4 ,i left ,chicago for ,new ,york1 but could not find rest4 ,the words of that voice never left me day or night4 ,one night1 while walking the streets of ,new ,york looking for something to comfort me1 ,i saw a sign reading1 ,men ,wanted for the ,united ,states ,army4 ,at nine o'clock the next morning ,i went to the recruiting-station and asked for an application-blank4 ,the man at the station thought it strange that a ,jew would come to enlist1 but he gave me an application-blank4 ,i filled it out and was examined and sent to ,ft4 ,slocum1 ,new ,york1 where ,i was sworn in for three years' faithful service for the ,united ,states ,army4 ,after ,i enlisted ,i began to look for peace2 but the more ,i looked1 the worse and more trouble came to me4 ,in fact1 persecutions from different soldiers were very bitter because ,i was a ,jew and did not do what they were doing4 ,while in ,ft4 ,slocum ,i contracted fever and was taken to a hospital4 ,from ,ft4 ,slocum ,i was sent to ,ft4 ,sill1 ,oklahoma1 where ,i was assigned to ,battery ,b1 ,first ,field ,artillery4 ,there was only one ,jewish man besides me amongst over three hundred ,roman ,catholics1 and they believed in making things hot for us1 so the more ,i looked for peace the worse misery and persecutions ,i found4 ,on ,decoration ,day1 #aijh1 they were playing football1 and after the game they went into the kitchen1 procured large butcher knives1 and came out to cut the sheenies up4 ,when we saw them coming with the knives1 we ran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in1 hiding underneath mattresses between the covers4 ,they broke the door1 but through ,providence they could not find us4 ,then for the first time since ,i had embraced socialism ,i began to think there was a ,god1 since our lives were so spared4 ,on the sixth of ,june we went bathing in the ,red ,river on the reservation1 and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in the water and wanted to drown us1 but it seemed that through ,providence ,i was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men4 ,upon our return1 we found the tailor-shop flooded4 ,this was reported to the commander1 but no action was taken in regard to this or any other case of persecution4 ,we decided to desert the army after pay-day4 ,when pay-day came1 ,i had coming to me about #bjj from the tailor-shop and #ac as pay for the month from the army1 but out of the #bjj ,i collected only about #gj4 ,that afternoon we walked to ,lawton1 ,oklahoma1 to get the train from there to ,st4 ,louis4 ,upon our arrival at ,st4 ,louis1 the other man got a job1 and ,i wrote to my uncle in ,chicago1 who sent me a ticket to come to ,chicago4 ,when ,i arrived there1 he advised me to go to ,canada and said that he would support me all the time that ,i was there1 as they would apprehend me in the ,united ,states for a deserter4 ,i went to ,canada1 but was still in much distress4 ,some time later ,i had a desire to leave ,vancouver1 ,british ,columbia1 and go over the border into the ,state of ,washington1 but went under the assumed name of ,friedman4 ,while under that name ,i looked for a position1 but could not find one2 so ,i cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward ,i received enough money to open up a little store4 ,i took for my next name ,feldman4 ,i opened a book-store1 but within three months ,i lost almost #c1jjj4 ,then ,i left ,seattle1 ,washington1 for ,tacoma under the name ,gray4 ,three weeks later ,i left ,tacoma for ,portland1 ,oregon1 under the name of ,grayson1 where ,i looked up a friend of mine4 ,he was at that time manager of the ,oregon ,hotel4 ,the next morning ,i was more miserable than ever before and thought that ,i was sick4 ,the night preceding ,i related to my friend all my troubles1 with the exception of my being a deserter from the army4 ,while ,i was looking for a charity physician who could give me something to relieve my distress and trouble1 ,i found a ,salvation ,army man and asked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would give me treatment4 ,he told me that he had a friend who was a physician and who was a lover of ,jewish people4 ,this was the first time that ,i ever heard that a ,christian loved a ,jew4 ,i went to the office of the doctor1 whose name was ,estock1 and he gave me a cordial welcome4 ,putting his right hand on my right wrist and his left hand around my neck1 he said that he loved the ,jews because his ,savior was a ,jew and that he was glad ,god had sent me to his office in answer to his prayers4 ,i was dumbfounded and unable to answer4 ,the doctor said1 ,you do not need a physician for your body1 but you need the ,lord ,jesus to heal your soul1 for your trouble is with your soul1 and the ,lord ,jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles4 ,he gave me a little bottle and said3 ,here is a little medicine1 but you do not need it4 ,the only thing that will help you is prayer1 and ,i will 'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you1 and ,i will also pray for you4 ,this will be the only way you will get peace4 ,the next morning as ,i was offering my thanks to him he said1 ,do not thank me1 but thank ,god that he sent his only begotten ,son1 that through him such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love4 ,what can this mean8 ,i answered4 ,is there a ,god that will love such a man as ,i am8--a man who curses him8 a man that stamped his ,bible under his feet and fought against him8 ,is it true that he will love me so8 ,the doctor answered1 ,he died for such men as you1 that he might save you4 ,he further said3 ,my house belongs to the ,lord1 and ,i owe everything to him4 ,the ,god of ,abraham and ,isaac is my ,god1 and the ,god of ,david and also the ,prophets4 ,he is my ,god1 and he is your ,god1 whether you want him or not2 and ,i beg you to come with me to my house4 ,it is impossible for me to go into your house1 ,i answered1 because ,i do not believe that there is a ,god1 and if there is one1 ,i am unworthy to go into such a house4 ,he pleaded with me further to go1 and ,i went with him4 ,i lived at the doctor's house for thirty days4 ,we had the strongest arguments on ,scriptures1 he trying to prove to me that ,jesus is the ,messiah that came to save his people from sin4 ,i contradicted every word of his with the ,old ,testament ,scriptures4 ,on the thirtieth day in the doctor's house ,i was more vile than ever before4 ,i got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get even with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the ,lord ,jesus on every occasion4 ,when ,i came down-stairs1 they were ready for breakfast4 ,i sat at the table brewing within myself1 full of hatred1 malice1 and bitterness against them because of their holding up to me the ,lord ,jesus as my only ,savior4 ,while at the table ,i could not withhold my bitterness1 and when they read the ,scriptures after the meal1 ,i began to laugh1 mock1 and curse1 calling them all kinds of vile names4 ,while ,i was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did every morning4 ,looking up to me1 the doctor said1 ,my friend1 if you will not respect ,god nor respect me as your only and personal friend in the city1 for the ,lord's sake respect this house1 for this house is consecrated unto ,god4 ,these words sank deep into my heart1 and ,i kneeled down still with bitterness in my heart against ,jesus and the doctor4 ,while ,i was down on my knees1 ,i was cursing1 mocking at them and their ,lord4 ,the doctor prayed first1 then his wife1 and then his little boy1 who said1 ,lord ,jesus1 you have promised to save him2 won't you save him8 ,these words broke my heart1 and ,i began crying1 ,if there is a ,god1 come and prove yourself4 ,the carpet around me was wet with the tears which ,i had shed in crying for ,god to come and prove himself4 ,i felt within myself a love for the ,lord ,jesus and soon had a living faith that the ,lord ,jesus died for me and that through his death ,i was saved4 ,after ,i rose from my knees1 the doctor1 his wife1 and the little boy stood with eyes full of tears1 rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood of ,jesus ,christ to save such a vile sinner as ,i was4 ,one hour later ,i left the house of the doctor to tell my friend1 the manager of the hotel1 that the ,lord ,jesus was now my ,savior and that he had saved me from my sins4 ,he took a heavy chunk of wood and hit me on my right side1 nearly breaking my ribs4 ,i said1 ,may ,god forgive you for this and not hold it against you1 while the tears were streaming down my face4 ,this is the first time in my life that ,i ever said to any one1 ,may ,god bless you6 ,then ,i said to him1 ,if it were only yesterday that you had done this to me1 ,i would have killed you2 but now the ,lord ,jesus has taken anger out of my heart1 and ,i will endeavor to pray for you that ,god may have mercy upon you4 ,walking out of his hotel crippled as ,i was and holding my side with my hand1 ,i said again1 ,god bless you6 ,while walking down the street1 ,i saw a company of mission workers on the corner of ,jefferson and ,washington ,avenues4 ,i pushed myself through the crowd1 seeing that there were some ,jews there1 and ,i began to preach to my own people for the first time that the only way of salvation is through the ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,in answer1 there came rotten eggs and rotten tomatoes at my head and body until ,i was covered from head to foot4 ,after the meeting ,i walked on singing a song and rejoicing that the ,lord ,jesus had seen fit to save such a poor sinner as ,i was4 ,thus ended my first day as a convert4 ,i thank ,god for the first pay ,i ever received in the gospel--a crippled side and rotten eggs4 ,i continued to preach the gospel to my people in ,portland for several days4 ,three days after my conversion1 while ,i was on my knees praying1 it occurred to me that ,i had better write to my relatives and tell them what love the ,lord ,jesus had for me1 and that he had died to save them as well as me1 and that he was the only true ,messiah4 ,i reasoned for several days against this2 but at last ,i had to write1 because ,i saw that the ,lord was on one side and my relatives on the other side1 and that ,i had to choose between them4 ,so ,i wrote to them1 sending to each a separate letter telling them that ,jesus was my ,savior and that he is the only and true ,messiah4 ,sometime after this1 answer came from my relatives that they could not believe that there was any power to save me1 because1 if ,i could leave my first principles and leave my own people1 the teaching which ,i was brought up under and drift so far away as to curse ,god1 they did not believe there was any power to save me4 ,i kept sending them ,testaments and ,gospels1 but still they could not believe4 ,one day ,i went to see my sister and told her the truth4 ,she at first did not believe me1 but ,i asked her to attend a street-meeting which ,i was to hold1 and she heard me preach ,christ4 ,she then wrote to my mother1 who began to grieve herself to death because ,i had accepted the ,lord ,jesus for my ,savior4 ,then they wrote me different letters and were patient with me1 thinking that they would win me back to ,judaism4 ,when they saw there was no hope of getting me back1 they were done with me4 ,on one occasion while standing in the street and preaching1 there came a thought to me with great force1 ,if the authorities get you for a deserter1 what will you do8 ,this question troubled me so that ,i could not continue my meetings4 ,i went to the doctor's office and said to him1 ,dr4 ,estock1 do you know what they do to a person that has deserted the ,united ,states ,army8 ,they give him three or four years in the military penitentiary1 he answered4 ,do you know that ,i am a deserter from the ,united ,states ,army8 ,he looked at me puzzled and said1 ,how can this be8 ,it is true1 and ,i must give myself up to the army authorities before they get me and disgrace my belief in the ,lord ,jesus4 ,i proposed giving myself up the next day1 but the doctor told me to be in no haste and said he would ask several people of ,god to pray for me to learn what the mind of ,god was before ,i took another step4 ,after a few days they came to the conclusion that they would send me to ,canada1 where ,i should be out of the jurisdiction of the ,united ,states and should be free4 ,thinking that this offer was of the ,lord1 ,i accepted it and left for ,toronto1 ,canada4 ,upon my arrival at ,toronto ,i felt the ,lord speaking to me and saying1 ,the more you run away from my law1 the more miserable you will feel4 ,go back to the ,united ,states4 ,this was while ,i was in the hotel at night and could not sleep4 ,i felt very miserable to know that the step ,i had taken in coming to ,toronto was not ,god's will and in his order4 ,i had only #c4aj in my possession4 ,in the morning ,i went to the ticket-office to inquire how much it cost to go to ,buffalo4 ,they told me it would cost #c4aj4 ,i then purchased a ticket for ,buffalo4 ,when ,i arrived ,i telegraphed to the doctor1 stating that ,i was glad that ,i had come back to the ,united ,states to give myself up to the army authorities4 ,the doctor replied by telegraph1 stating that ,i was out of ,god's will and order in coming back to the ,united ,states to give myself up1 and that therefore he could not have fellowship with me any more4 ,bitterly weeping over the message1 ,i said to myself1 ,now the only friend ,i have is gone4 ,but this promise encouraged me1 that my ,god would never turn against me nor forsake me4 ,there ,i was1 left without a friend and without money in my pockets to procure a night's lodging4 ,as it was bitterly cold1 ,i prayed to the ,lord that he would send somebody along that would take me home with him4 ,as ,i was praying1 a man passed by1 and ,i asked him if he knew whether there was any child of ,god in the city4 ,he said a woman who was his neighbor was a child of ,god1 and he took me to her home4 ,it was true that she was a child of ,god and her home a godly one4 ,soon after this ,i went to ,pittsburg1 and the ,lord opened up the hearts of a few ,jewish people1 who sent me to ,washington4 ,as ,i walked up to the barracks1 fear came over me1 and ,i decided to go to ,baltimore1 where ,i remained with a ,jewish missionary until the last of ,april4 ,then ,i returned to ,washington1 went to the commanding officer1 ,lieutenant-,colonel ,langfitt1 and told him why ,i was giving myself up4 ,he said3 ,are you a ,jew and a believer in ,jesus8 ,are you willing to give yourself up for his sake8 ,do you know what it means to give yourself up8 ,it means three or four years in the penitentiary and to be dishonorably discharged4 ,i told him that ,i would gladly do anything to make this matter right before man and before ,god4 ,i am also a ,jew1 he replied1 and ,i do not know how you can believe in ,jesus and suffer these things for his sake4 ,then he doubted my being a deserter4 ,i begged him to put me in the guard-house and to go and investigate the matter4 ,he said1 ,i wish that ,i had the power to set you free now2 but you are too honorable a man to call the guard to take you to the guard-house1 and so ,i will walk there with you myself4 ,upon coming to the guard-house1 he called the sergeant of the guard and said1 ,sergeant1 do not search this boy1 for ,i know that he will not take in anything but that which is lawful4 ,he then asked me whether ,i wanted to stay in the big cell with the rest of the prisoners or go into one small cell by myself4 ,i asked him for one by myself so that ,i might study the ,bible4 ,when he was bidding me good-by1 he said3 ,for the first time ,i shake a prisoner's hand1 and ,i must say that ,i do not look upon you as a prisoner but as the most honorable man that we have in this post1 and ,i must confess that you have done a most honorable thing in the sight of man and ,god1 and ,i will help you with all that lies within my power to make everything easy for you4 ,the next morning the lieutenant-colonel came into the guard-house asking for me4 ,when ,i came near the door1 he reached out his hand and grasped mine1 saying1 ,neither my wife nor ,i have slept during the night1 and ,i have decided to recommend you for a year's clemency1 so that you will have only two years to serve4 ,it did not sound very good to me1 but ,i went into the guard-house and prayed4 ,the thought came to me1 ,can you not trust the ,lord to carry you through all these difficulties8 ,i said to myself1 ,yes1 ,i leave all in the hands of the ,lord4 ,after a few weeks the court was detailed4 ,the president of the court was ,captain ,koester1 who1 ,i was informed1 was an infidel4 ,the next man of his court1 ,captain ,ottwell1 was a ,christian ,scientist1 and the rest of the court1 including eleven officers1 were ,roman ,catholics4 ,they detailed ,lieutenant ,rockwell to be my counsel for defense4 ,he came up to the court-house and said3 ,you are a ,jew1 are you not8 ,yes4 ,and you believe in ,jesus ,christ1 do you not8 ,yes4 ,i have no use for ,jews1 especially for a turncoat1 and ,i will see that you get the limit of the court4 ,this broke me all up1 and ,i said1 ,lieutenant1 if you can1 ,god will let you go ahead4 ,i then walked into my cell and knelt down to pray1 broken-hearted4 ,the scripture came to me1 ,fear them not2 for ,i the ,lord thy ,god shall fight for you4 ,i rejoiced to know that the ,lord was fighting my battles and that he would do it well4 ,thirteen days afterwards ,i was tried4 ,when ,i came to the court1 the lieutenant came to me with a piece of paper in his hand and said3 ,i am sorry for the words which ,i spoke to you1 but ,i have suffered for them1 and with ,god's help ,i will recommend you to clemency4 ,the same ,lord that saved you has also saved me4 ,the judge of the court asked me what ,i would plead to the charge4 ,i plead guilty to the charge of desertion and violation of the forty-seventh article of war4 ,he asked me again if ,i knew what it meant to plead guilty4 ,i answered that ,i knew4 ,he then asked me what my plea on the specification of the forty-seventh article of war was4 ,guilty1 ,i answered4 ,he said to the court1 ,i want to make plain to this boy the solemnity of these charges1 that he may know the consequences thereof4 ,he then asked me if ,i had any pleas to make4 ,i told him no1 and repeated the scripture that the ,lord had given me3 ,fear them not2 for ,i the ,lord thy ,god shall fight for you4 ,i said1 ,i fear you not1 for my ,lord will fight for me and will deliver me4 ,then the counsel for the defense arose and made this statement3 ,fellow ,officers3 ,you all know what a bitter man ,i was against the ,jews4 ,you know that ,i was not going to make any plea1 but to let this boy get all that the court could give him1 and be sorry afterwards that the court could not give him more4 ,but the same ,god that he serves troubled me and made me sick1 as you know1 until ,i realized that the same ,god must be my ,god and the same ,savior my ,savior2 and furthermore1 the same ,jesus that saved this ,jewish boy has saved me also4 ,the court was greatly surprized1 but my counsel went on further and handed the court a paper and explained verbally the different reasons for his pleas until tears came to the eyes of ,captain ,koester1 ,captain ,ottwell1 and the different members of the court4 ,four of the worst officers arose and recommended me for eighteen months' clemency and thirteen dollars a month fine and reinstatement to duty4 ,the recommendation of the court was sent to the ,department ,commander of the ,east1 ,major-,general ,leonard ,a4 ,woods1 who earnestly considered the case1 according to his statement1 for several hours1 not knowing what to do4 ,he also expressed himself by saying that if he had full power to release me1 he would gladly do so1 without any punishment4 ,also1 through prayer and petitions to the ,lord the case reached ,president ,taft1 the ,adjutant-,general of the army1 and then it reached ,brigadier-,general ,davis1 who was the ,judge-,advocate ,general of the ,united ,states ,army4 ,they also had notified the ,department ,commander to be as lenient as he could before the case had reached the ,war ,department in ,washington4 ,in fifteen days after my trial1 the sentence came back approved by the ,department ,commander for eighteen months' clemency and thirteen dollars' fine a month and reinstatement to duty to serve out my enlistment4 ,while ,i was in the guard-house in ,washington ,barracks1 ,district of ,columbia1 serving the sentence imposed upon me for the charge heretofore mentioned1 ,i was sawing wood one day1 when a fellow prisoner hit me with a piece of wood behind my ear and knocked me down4 ,about two months later this prisoner was saved1 and the other prisoners became bitter against me1 for they believed that ,i was the cause of the conversion of one of the worst men in the guard-house4 ,i learned later that a number of the officers were converted4 ,after ,i left the ,washington ,barracks1 ,i went to ,ft4 ,slocum1 ,new ,york4 ,from there ,i was sent to ,ft4 ,sheridan1 where ,i was assigned to ,battery ,f1 ,fifth ,field ,artillery4 ,after ,i had been there two days1 ,i asked permission of ,lieutenant ,osborn to hold religious services in front of the battery4 ,on account of its being so cold1 he told me to go into the pool-room and hold services if ,i thought my ,god was living4 ,i went into the pool-room1 where they were playing pool1 and began to preach the gospel4 ,two balls were thrown at me1 and ,i was also hit across the back with the thick end of a cue4 ,they took me to the hospital and after a short time came back and said that the ,jew would not preach ,jesus ,christ any more4 ,after another week ,i felt impressed to preach the gospel again4 ,while ,i was preaching1 the cook came out of the kitchen with a pail of hot lard and threw it on me4 ,i was burned on both of my hands and arms4 ,while ,i was at the hospital1 black poison set in1 and the doctor said my arm must be cut off4 ,i told him that ,i would not submit to any operation2 that as ,i suffered this for the gospel's sake1 the ,lord would heal my arm4 ,five weeks later he looked at my arm1 as the poison was getting worse in my system1 and he said1 ,if ,i do not cut off this arm1 you are going to die from the effects of blood-poisoning4 ,i said that ,i still had faith in ,god that he would heal this arm for his glory4 ,what church do you belong to8 he inquired4 ,i belong to the church of ,god1 ,i answered4 ,your arm can not heal1 he replied and began to laugh4 ,several days afterward the poison had come up to my shoulder4 ,when the doctor saw it1 he said1 ,the only thing to do is to cut your arm off at the shoulder4 ,i told him that ,i had more faith than ever in ,god that he would heal my arm1 even after my whole body should be poisoned4 ,i believed that the ,lord would heal me for his glory4 ,that night my fever was #ajd1 and the doctor was called4 ,he gave orders to put me into a bathtub full of ice-water1 but after ,i came out ,i was much worse1 and they said ,i could not live through the night4 ,at five o'clock the next morning a sudden change came and my arm turned a yellowish color and the discharge ceased little by little4 ,when the doctor came1 he said1 ,i had thought that the arm must be cut off1 but now it will get well4 ,in two weeks ,i was able to use my arm as well as ever and was again assigned to duty4 ,after coming out of the hospital ,i preached much more the unsearchable riches of ,christ1 for which at different times ,i was cast into prison4 ,the post-commander of ,ft4 ,sheridan told me that ,i might just as well use the gymnasium-hall to preach the gospel six nights in the week4 ,while ,i preached there1 a number of souls were brought to the ,lord4 ,while ,i was at ,ft4 ,sheridan1 a letter came to me from my mother stating that if ,i wanted to save her life ,i should turn back to ,judaism and forsake the impostor ,jesus1 and that if ,i would do this they would receive me back again with full honor1 as ,i was defiled before them and the only means to save her life was for me to turn back from this heathen belief4 ,i wrote her as follows3 ,my ,dear ,mother3 ,i have received your letter and thank you very much for it4 ,i do really love you1 but my love for you now is much different than before4 ,i love you because the ,lord ,jesus loved you and died for you4 ,yet if my accepting ,jesus will not and can not save you from dying1 then my rejecting him will not save you either1 and ,i can not forsake the ,lord ,jesus4 ,about two months later ,i received a cable-message saying that the last words of my mother were1 ,my only son is the cause of my death4 ,after that period they made a burial service1 took all my little belongings1 put them in a casket and buried it1 and put a stone on the grave1 signifying that ,i died on ,october #bi1 #aijh4 ,after this they mourned for me for eight days4 ,now though ,i am supposed to be dead to my family and to my nation1 yet ,i am glad that ,i am alive for ,christ and still preaching the unsearchable riches of our ,lord and ,savior ,jesus ,christ to my own people as well as to the other nations4 ,the ,lord has enabled me to preach free of charge to any and every one and to give unto them freely even as ,i have freely received4 ,this scripture has been very real to me since that time3 ,all things work together for good to them that love ,god1 to them who are the called according to his purpose4 ,in #aiab my father died1 leaving me of his large estate five dollars to buy a rope and soap to hang myself if ,i did not come back to ,judaism4 ,the foregoing account of my conversion has been written after nearly seven years of experience and preaching the unsearchable riches of ,christ to my own people as well as to ,gentile people in this country1 in the ,islands of the ,azores1 in ,spain1 ,france1 ,germany1 ,italy1 ,syria1 ,egypt1 ,palestine1 ,greece1 and ,austria4 ,the most bitter people against the gospel ,i have found are my own people4 ,the gospel has been misrepresented to them1 and they have not been made to realize the heart experience4 ,there are over #ab1jjj1jjj ,jewish people in this world1 yet there are very few faithful and tried missionaries amongst them to explain to them the way of salvation4 ,however1 the comparatively little work that has been done amongst them has met with large results despite the bitter persecution4 ,i am deeply encouraged and comforted to see how open and receptive they are1 although they bitterly persecute the one who comes in the name of the ,lord4 ,saul of ,tarsus was a great persecutor of ,christianity1 but finally yielded and became a true follower of ,jesus ,christ4 ,may ,god help us as ,christians to see our great privilege in giving the ,jews the gospel and praying for them that their blindness may depart and that they may see that the ,lord ,jesus is the only way1 the truth1 and the light4 ,among ,mohammedans in ,egypt ,,experience ,,number #h ,nothing is said in the ,new ,testament about the persons who first related the story of the cross in ,egypt4 ,but there is a universal tradition that the ,evangelist ,mark went to ,egypt and preached the gospel with great success until he was martyred for the name of ,jesus ,christ4 ,his head is believed by the ,copts to have been buried in the place where the ,coptic ,church in ,alexandria now stands4 ,from the records of history it is clear that the ,christian religion was carried to ,egypt a few years after the ascension of our ,lord1 that many in ,egypt accepted the new religion before the close of the first century1 and that the numbers rapidly increased until ,egypt became ,christian and churches filled the land4 ,abyssinia1 too1 whether through the ,ethiopian's return to his country after his baptism or through others1 also accepted the ,christian faith1 and many of her people retain the ,christian name and boldly defend a form of ,christian doctrine to this day4 ,the church in ,egypt1 as we learn from the pages of history1 passed through the fires of persecution as other churches did in the ,roman ,empire1 and many suffered martyrdom for their unwillingness to deny ,him who redeemed them with his precious blood4 ,the persecution in ,egypt especially was severe in the reign of ,diocletian4 ,milner says on the authority of ,eusebius3 ,egypt suffered extremely4 ,whole families were put to various kinds of death2 some by fire1 others by water1 others by decollation1 after horrible tortures4 ,some perished by famine1 others by crucifixion1 and of these1 some in common manner4 ,others were fastened with their heads downwards and preserved alive that they might die by hunger4 ,sometimes ten1 at other times thirty1 sixty1 and once a hundred men and women with their children1 were murdered in one day by various torments4 ,and there was still the appearance of joy among them4 ,they loved ,christ above all1 and bravely as well as humbly met death for ,christ's sake4 ,but as the years passed on1 great importance was laid on fasting1 hermitage1 and image-worship1 and little by little they lost sight of the merits of ,christ's life1 sufferings1 and death4 ,today the majority of the ,copts are far away from the gospel purity of doctrine and are bound with the chains of superstition1 and need help to loosen themselves from such chains that they may enjoy the light and liberty of the gospel4 ,,the ,,real ,,character ,,of ,,islam ,the population of ,egypt today is #ab1jjj1jjj1 of which #ij per cent are followers of ,mohammed4 ,mohammedanism entered ,egypt in #fch ,a4,d41 and from that time it has continued to be the prevailing religion4 ,i will now mention briefly the ethics of ,mohammedanism in order to give the reader some idea about the pollution1 corruption1 brutality1 and wickedness that exist among the adherents of this false religion4 ,islam1 says ,adolph ,wuttke1 finds its place in the history of the religious and moral spirit1 not as a vital organic member1 but as violently interrupting the course of this history1 and which is to be regarded as an attempt of heathenism to maintain itself erect under an outward monotheistic form against ,christianity4 ,the ethics of ,islam bear the character of an outwardly and crudely conceived doctrine of righteousness4 ,conscientiousness in the sphere of the social relations1 faithfulness to conviction and to one's word1 and the bringing of an action into relation to ,god are its bright points2 but there is a lack of heart-depth of a basing of the moral in love4 ,the highest good is the outwardly and very sensuously conceived happiness of the individual4 ,among ,islamites the potency of sin is not recognized2 evil is only an individual1 not a historical1 power2 hence there is no need of redemption1 but only of personal works on the basis of prophetic instruction4 ,mohammed is only a teacher1 not an atoner4 ,god and man remain strictly external to and separate from each other4 ,god1 no less individually conceived of than man1 comes into no real communion with man2 and as moral1 acts not as influenced by such a communion1 but only as an isolated individual4 ,the ideal basis of the moral is faith in ,god and in his ,prophet2 the moral life1 conceived as mainly consisting in external works1 is not a fruit of received salvation1 but a means for the attainment of the same4 ,pious works1 particularly prayer1 fasting1 and almsgiving1 and pilgrimage to ,mecca1 work salvation directly of themselves4 ,man has nothing to receive from ,god but the ,word1 and nothing to do for ,god but good works2 of inner sanctification there is no thought4 ,thus1 among ,islamites today we find1 instead of true humility1 only proud work-righteousness4 ,nothing but the enjoyment of wine1 of swine-flesh1 of the blood of strangled animals1 and games of chance are forbidden4 ,after this summary of the real character of ,mohammedan ethics1 an account of its practical teaching and effect will make the picture more vivid to the reader1 although still darker4 ,,the ,,moslem ,,idea ,,of ,,sin ,moslem doctors define sin as a conscious act of a responsible being against known law4 ,they divide sin into great and little sins4 ,some say there are seven great sins3 idolatry1 murder1 false charges of adultery1 wasting the substance of orphans1 taking interest on money1 desertion from ,jihad1 and disobedience to parents4 ,mohammed himself said1 ,the greatest of sins before ,god is that you call another like unto the ,god who created you1 or that you murder your child from an idea that he or she will eat your victuals1 or that you commit adultery with your neighbor's wife4 ,all sins except great ones are easily forgiven1 as ,god is merciful and clement4 ,what ,allah 7,god7 allows is not sin4 ,what ,allah or his ,prophet forbids is sin1 even should he forbid what seems right to the conscience4 ,it is as great an offense to pray with unwashed hands as to tell a lie1 and pious ,moslems who nightly break the seventh commandment will shrink from a tin of ,english meat for fear they will be defiled by eating swine's flesh4 ,oh1 what ignorance6 ,the false prophet ,mohammed said3 ,one cent of usury which a man takes for his money is more grievous than thirty-six fornications1 and whosoever has done so is worthy of hell-fire4 ,allah is merciful in winking at the sins of his favorites 7the prophets and those who fight his battles71 but is a quick avenger of all infidels and idolaters4 ,,the ,,low ,,ideal ,,of ,,character ,,of ,,islam ,a stream can not rise higher than its source4 ,the measure of the moral stature of ,mohammed is the source and foundation of all moral ideas of ,islam4 ,his conduct is the standard of character4 ,we need not be surprized1 therefore1 that the ethical standard is so low among his followers4 ,raymond ,lull1 the first missionary to ,moslems1 used to show in his preachings that ,mohammed had none of the seven cardinal virtues1 and was guilty of the seven deadly sins4 ,he may have gone too far1 but it would not be difficult to show that pride1 lust1 envy1 and anger were prominent traits in the ,prophet's character4 ,to take an example1 what ,mohammed taught regarding truthfulness is convincing4 ,there are two authenticated sayings of his given in the traditions on the subject of lying3 ,when a servant of ,god tells a lie1 his guardian angels move away to the distance of a mile because of the badness of its smell4 ,verily a lie is allowable in three cases--to women1 to reconcile friends1 and in war4 ,it is no wonder1 then1 that among the ,prophet's followers and imitators truth-telling is one of the lost arts and that perjury is too common to be noticed4 ,as ,i pass in the streets of ,cairo1 many times ,i hear the ,moslems utter the word1 b'ism ,allah1 in the name of ,god1 while the speaker knows very well that his words are altogether a lie4 ,there are certain things which the ethics of ,islam allow1 of which it is also necessary to write4 ,they exist1 not in spite of ,islam1 but because of ,islam1 and because of the teachings of its sacred book4 ,,polygamy1 ,,divorce1 ,,and ,,slavery ,these three evils are so closely intertwined with the ,mohammedan religion1 its book1 and its prophet1 that they can never be wholly abandoned without doing violence to the teaching of the ,koran and the example of ,mohammed4 ,a ,moslem who lives up to his privileges and follows the example of their saints can have four wives and any number of slave concubines2 can divorce at his pleasure2 can remarry his divorced wives by a special1 though abominable1 arrangement2 and in addition to all this1 if he belong to the ,shiah sect he can contract marriages for fun 7metaa71 which are temporary4 ,the ,koran permits a ,moslem to marry four legal wives1 and to have as many concubines1 or slave-girls1 as he can support4 ,in ,turkey1 ,moslems call a woman cow4 ,in ,islam1 marriage is a kind of slavery2 for the wife becomes the slave 7rakeek7 of her husband1 and it is her duty absolutely to obey him in everything he requires of her1 except in what is contrary to the laws of ,islam4 ,wife-beating is allowed by the ,koran4 ,the other ethic1 which is much worse than all the rest1 is slave-trade4 ,according to the ,koran1 slavery and the slave-trade are divine institutions4 ,from the ,koran we learn that all male and female slaves1 either married or single1 taken as plunder in war are the lawful property of the master1 his chattel4 ,slave-traffic is not only allowed but legislated for by ,mohammedan law and made sacred by the example of the ,prophet4 ,for five hundred years ,islam has been supreme in ,turkey1 the fairest and richest portion of the ,old ,world1 and what is the result today8 ,the treasury is bankrupt2 progress is blocked2 instead of wealth1 universal poverty2 instead of comeliness1 rags2 instead of commerce1 beggary4 ,such are the chief tenets and religious requirements of ,mohammedans in ,egypt1 ,turkey1 and in other countries where the people believe in the ,koran4 ,christianity exists in ,turkey by a kind of sufferance4 ,the ,turks hate1 ridicule1 foster pride and passion toward ,christians2 the ignorant populace are taught by their learned men to regard themselves infinitely better than any ,christian4 ,the mosques are generally the hotbeds of fanaticism4 ,the usual manner of speaking of the ,christian was and still is to call him1 in ,turkey1 ,imansig ,kevour 7unbeliever72 in ,egypt1 ,nasrani1 7,nazarene71 or ,ya din el kalb1 7you dog74 ,peace1 harmony1 and happiness in the homes of ,mohammedans are of a very transitory nature4 ,mohammedans may be stedfast and unswerving in their faith and yet guilty of some of the most heinous crimes4 ,having lived among them1 ,i have had many opportunities to learn of their treachery as well as of their sterling qualities4 ,the ,mohammedans are in great need of the gospel of ,jesus ,christ1 which is a gospel of pardon1 peace1 purity1 righteousness1 and true wisdom4 ,notwithstanding the fact that from their earliest childhood their ideas are perverted by their traditions and false teaching1 and their consciences defiled through their vain religion1 the melting power of the ,spirit of ,god reaches some of their hearts when the gospel of ,jesus ,christ is preached4 ,their lives of deception bring to them many a snare1 yet from among their ranks in the ,orient have come some of the most staunch ministers of the gospel4 ,gross darkness once reigned throughout the land of ,egypt1 and now fervent prayers are ascending to the throne of ,god for the light of the gospel to drive the spiritual darkness from the hearts of the people4 ,a ,daughter's ,faith ,rewarded ,,experience ,,number #i ,i was brought up by ,christian parents1 that is1 they were strict church-going people2 but ,i never knew what it was to have a change of heart1 though ,i feared ,god and did at times try to draw near to him4 ,it was after ,i graduated from school that ,i met those who believe in living holy lives4 ,i was very much impressed with them1 but ,i did not give my heart to ,god at that time4 ,i continued to meet them and after some months became convicted that ,i was a sinner and under the wrath of ,god4 ,having attended church and ,sunday-school from childhood1 ,i had considered myself a ,christian2 but when the ,bible standard was lifted up before me1 ,i soon saw my true condition4 ,one day while alone ,i yielded myself fully to ,god1 and he received me into his family4 ,i did not know at that time1 though ,i was very happy in my new-found love1 what a treasure ,i had really found2 but the eighteen years ,i have already spent in ,his service verifies to me that the path of the righteous shineth more and more unto the perfect day4 ,a spirit of love and gratitude begets a spirit of service4 ,i wanted to do something for ,god1 so began visiting the sick4 ,soon ,i felt a desire to go into the work of the ,lord1 but this step was much opposed in my home1 my family having had a life of worldly honor mapped out for me4 ,i waited1 hoping a way would open for me to go1 but it seemed my friends were becoming more opposed to the life ,i had chosen4 ,i was forced to leave home against the wishes of my friends1 especially my dear mother1 but ,i see more clearly now than ,i did then that ,god's hand was in it and that he was leading me4 ,mother was so displeased that she took steps to disinherit me1 but afterwards1 through the persuasion of others1 she relented4 ,she also forbade me the privilege of returning home1 but in this she also relented4 ,i wondered at this change in my dear mother1 who was one of the best of mothers1 for this new life ,i had received seemed to have made a great gulf between us4 ,it certainly had made a marked change in the once rebellious1 self-willed girl1 and ,i could not understand why my mother1 who had spent many anxious moments because of my wilfulness1 was not rejoicing instead of opposing me4 ,i now see that my course thwarted her worldly ambitions for me2 hence the bitterness4 ,i had spent a number of years working for the ,master1 which were very profitable and beneficial to my soul4 ,to me it was like ,god's training-college4 ,my mother came to visit me sometimes1 vainly hoping ,i would return with her4 ,she told me that if ,i would just return home she would buy me worldly vanities1 such as fine dresses1 etc41 which ,i had once loved4 ,she could not understand when ,i told her ,i did not want them any more4 ,she even told me ,i could receive the attentions of a certain young man who for her sake ,i had once refused4 ,but that fancy also had been removed far from me1 and ,i praised ,god as ,i explained to her what a change had been wrought in me4 ,about one year after this my mother had a severe nervous attack4 ,she came to where ,i was living1 saying that she wanted to make her peace with ,god and die4 ,some ministers and ,i had prayer with her1 and ,god graciously pardoned her soul4 ,oh the joy that filled my heart when ,i saw my dear mother humble herself before the ,lord6 ,she not only received pardon1 but received a divine touch in her body also4 ,she became a bold witness before all our friends and relatives to what ,god had done for her4 ,it seemed she could never praise him enough4 ,though she was a woman of very strong character and personality1 she became as gentle and teachable as a little child4 ,her nature seemed to be entirely changed4 ,while ,i write this1 tears of gratitude flow because of the greatness of ,god's salvation4 ,she spent a few happy months here below1 and then ,god took her4 ,missionary ,experiences in ,british ,west ,indies ,,experience ,,number #aj ,it was a warm1 sultry morning late in ,december4 ,the tropical air was scarcely fanned by a breeze4 ,the missionary heard the peculiar tapping of the postman at the gate and hurried to get his morning mail4 ,he took the single letter that was handed him1 and with a pleasant nod to the postman broke the seal as he stepped back to the veranda4 ,it was a long letter2 so before reading it the man sank into a chair and glanced away to the gleaming sea2 but meeting only the dazzling light there1 he let his eyes rest upon the distant blue-green mountains for a moment4 ,then for some time he was occupied with the contents of this lengthy letter4 ,it was written in a neat1 scholarly manner1 and the missionary noted it all as he read4 ,as he finished reading1 a bright-faced woman came through the garden with a baby in her arms4 ,come here1 ,jennie1 he said2 and his wife came quickly to him4 ,here is a letter1 ,jennie1 that requires very careful answering4 ,you know how busy ,i am2 so ,i will commit this into your care4 ,this person1 a ,mr4 ,k4 ,l4 ,jones1 has asked many questions on the church and other points of doctrine4 ,he looked up as he spoke1 and1 finding the baby holding out its chubby arms to him1 he took it and handed the letter to his wife4 ,thoughtfully she took it and began reading4 ,she loved to write letters1 and this1 she felt1 was her special part of the work4 ,but here she perceived she had a task that was very difficult2 for the writer1 evidently a scholar1 had put forth a dozen numbered questions that must be carefully answered or this dear soul would be hindered from walking in the truth4 ,god would give the needed wisdom1 she knew1 and she folded the letter back into its envelope and sat meditating on the different points he had raised4 ,after a while1 she asked3 ,how was the meeting last night8 ,very good6 ,brother ,owen spoke1 and he did very well indeed4 ,he used the text3 ',herein is my ,father glorified1 that ye bear much fruit2 so shall ye be my disciples4' ,several came forward for help afterwards4 ,ah1 by the way1 do you remember ,sister ,tilton8 ,she was out to meeting last night4 ,sister ,tilton8 ,she must be a new sister6 ,ah1 well1 perhaps we did not tell you about her4 ,this young girl came to meeting once some time ago1 but afterwards became very ill4 ,her folks wanted the doctor for her1 but she refused1 not telling them why4 ,but as her sickness increased1 they became alarmed and insisted on calling the doctor4 ,but the girl still refused the medicine4 ,the doctor said she would probably not live4 ,her people begged to know the reason for her refusal to take the medicine1 and she then said that she had been to the church of ,god meeting and had been made very happy1 and that she believed if they would send for the elders of that church she should be healed4 ,so word came1 and ,brother ,owen went and anointed her in accordance with ,jas4 #e3ad1 #ae4 ,she has been getting better right along1 and tonight she was at the meeting4 ,she is saved now and seems to have a clear experience4 ,thank ,god6 was the hearty response4 ,how ,i should have loved to be at the meeting last night6--but for the present here is my meeting1 and here is my work1 and1 catching up the baby and waving the letter happily1 she ran into the house at the sound of children's voices within4 ,after the baby had been bathed and put to sleep1 and the other children were sitting quietly at play on the side veranda1 ,sister ,patience settled herself with her ,bible at her husband's desk to answer this important letter4 ,bowing her head she besought ,god for this soul and for wisdom to answer his difficult questions aright4 ,then taking up her pen1 she began the letter4 ,she was so glad to write2 she loved writing2 and the joy of it always seemed to get into the very letters and shine back from the pages4 ,she addressed ,mr4 ,jones cordially and kindly1 and then took up the substance of the letter itself4 ,in calling his attention to certain truths she referred to the ,bible time after time1 and again and again she prayed1 for the letter seemed particularly important to her4 ,long she meditated over some of the knotty questions1 endeavoring to find the wisest explanation4 ,sometimes she was interrupted by the children just when she most needed to be quiet2 but she had learned that interruptions often come as blessings in disguise1 for often ,god had given thoughts that were clearer and better when she had patiently gone to attend to the children1 and when she was free to return to her work she had found an answer preparing itself in her mind without an effort on her part4 ,thus1 after several hours of close application1 she finished the letter and sent it off with a trusting spirit4 ,sister ,patience hoped to receive an answer to her letter immediately1 but week after week passed1 and there was no response4 ,dread began to creep upon her that this soul would not accept the truth4 ,she took him earnestly to ,god many times and trusted that ,god would in some way overrule4 ,however1 as four months passed and she had not heard again1 she gave him over as being no longer interested4 ,then it was that one morning there came1 to her surprize1 a letter in the same fine handwriting4 ,how cordially he wrote6 ,he thanked her for answering the former letter so fully and said he had been searching and proving her answers by the ,word during the long interval4 ,and now there were still a few points remaining that he disagreed with her upon2 again she found a few numbered questions to answer4 ,these1 like the first1 were very shrewd1 puzzling questions1 and only sagacious answers would satisfy the inquirer4 ,again ,sister ,patience labored over the letter with prayer and meditation4 ,then1 leaning hard upon ,god1 she wrote another encouraging letter setting forth expositions of ,scripture as clearly as possible4 ,this time she invited her correspondent to a series of meetings they were expecting to hold during the coming winter season1 when they hoped to have with them one or two ministers from ,america for a short period4 ,again she waited long for an answer2 but this time she did not give him up4 ,several months passed1 and then one of the brethren1 a colporteur1 came4 ,he had been away for several months1 and ,sister ,patience was very glad to see him4 ,and tell me now1 ,brother ,delworth1 she said1 after the first greetings were over1 where have you been all this time8 ,mostly in ,arendon and ,lawney4 ,i went from ,panville to ,mayfield1 and from there to ,paldings4 ,paldings6 ,you were at ,paldings8 ,do you know one ,k4 ,l4 ,jones8 asked ,sister ,patience with great interest4 ,ah yes1 a fine old gentleman1 a school-teacher4 ,he is saved4 ,i sold him some books4 ,he seems very much interested4 ,and1 by the way1 he asked me to say to you when ,i should see you that he hoped to come over to the meeting next month1 when the brethren are here from ,america4 ,you will hear from him soon4 ,the time was drawing near for the coming of the brethren from ,america4 ,arrangements had been made for a meeting during their stay1 which would be only for a few days4 ,and then one day a letter came from ,brother ,jones inquiring as to the date of the meeting1 and saying that if possible he should like to attend it4 ,so again ,sister ,patience wrote him1 urging him to be at the meeting1 if possible4 ,thus it was that during the exciting days of the meeting1 when many from different parts of the country had gathered in to meet the brethren from ,america in this meeting1 ,sister ,patience first met ,brother ,jones4 ,it happened in this way3 ,one morning before meeting-time1 she was passing through the little sitting-room in her home1 when she noticed a fine-looking native man of venerable appearance sitting at one side of the room4 ,people were all about him1 but he was looking over some tracts that had been handed him4 ,making her way to him1 she said3 ,good morning1 ,brother1 ,i have not met you before1 have ,i8 ,ah1 no1 he said1 and1 quickly rising1 he gave her a courteous bow4 ,can this be ,sister ,patience8 ,my name is ,k4 ,l4 ,jones1 of ,paldings4 ,how glad ,i am to meet you6 she replied4 ,and then followed an animated conversation in which she was able to recognize and admire the fine qualities of his matured mind4 ,finally he expressed the desire to speak with the foreign brethren himself1 and so an audience was arranged for him after the next service4 ,then it was1 ,sister ,patience learned afterwards1 that ,brother ,jones inquired deeply into the subjects of sanctification and baptism4 ,later in the day it was announced that there would be a baptismal service early the next morning to accommodate ,brother ,jones1 who was to return home by an early train4 ,some years have passed since then4 ,god has wonderfully used the dear old brother1 and a congregation has been raised up about him1 who look up to him as their pastor4 ,these are backward mountain people where he has labored1 yet such has been his patience and faithfulness and love that they have become established in holiness and truth4 ,brother ,jones1 as we call him1 is becoming feeble now1 but he is still standing faithful as the shepherd of this little flock1 faithful unto death4 ,does it pay to use patience and prayer when dealing with precious souls8 ,ah yes2 eternity alone can tell all that it means4 ,the ,rescue of an ,australian ,lad ,,experience ,,number #aa ,it was in the town of ,goulbourne1 ,new ,south ,wales1 ,australia1 that ,i began my career in life4 ,until ,i reached the age of four years1 a prosperous father provided the comforts of a good home1 but a great change took place upon my suddenly being left fatherless4 ,a few months later found me in a little town on the ,st4 ,lawrence ,river1 in the ,providence of ,ontario1 ,canada4 ,i had accompanied my mother to this place1 but she soon placed me with a strange family and went to a distant city4 ,as ,i was now separated from every family tie1 life began in real earnest4 ,it was also the beginning of a record of many interesting and often sad experiences extending over a number of years4 ,in my wanderings in different parts of ,canada and in many localities of the ,united ,states1 the incidents varied all the way from being rescued from drowning to landing in jail as a vagrant4 ,space forbids a detailed account of my experience1 which to me affords material for interesting and often regretful recollection4 ,it may1 however1 all be summed up and described as analogous with the casting of an innocent infant into the mighty ,niagara ,river to be swept along at the mercy of the on-rushing and maddening current1 which knows no relenting1 but bears its victim to an untimely end over the brink of the mighty falls4 ,there destruction on the ragged rocks below awaits it unless an unseen hand should miraculously dip into the water and save that form for life and service4 ,thank ,god1 in his tender mercy he stretched forth his hand to rescue my poor1 lost1 helpless soul from the turbulent rapids of sin when ,i was seventeen years of age4 ,he set me on the solid rock of his truth and gave me the ,holy ,spirit as an eternal guide and propelling power4 ,he has proved to be a comforter in whom ,i can safely put my trust when stemming the rising tide of unbelief and doubt4 ,it is with thanksgiving that ,i can at the present time recount the divine care of which ,i have been the object1 so far in my pilgrimage through life4 ,i rejoice to be a partaker of the ,father's love1 which is pure1 warm1 and changeless4 ,there is an abiding assurance of safety so long as ,i walk in the path of obedience to his will and trust implicitly in his mighty power to keep my feet while ,i take steps toward the threshold of heaven4 ,i am grateful1 also1 for a soul-conviction that the most worthy1 most desirable and glorious life is the one that finds its outlet in the glad service of love to ,god and discovers complete happiness in serving others4 ,a soul without ,christ is like an idle straw driven at the mercy of the wind1 but the soul redeemed through the blood of ,jesus will experience a sweet essence that turns the unfruitful life into a garden of unspeakable delights4 ,heathen ,customs in ,china ,,experience ,,number #ab ,to those who have been reared in ,christian nations1 it is difficult to conceive of the vague ideas of the true worship of the ,creator1 that are really bred and born into the worshipers of idols4 ,generation upon generation1 for thousands of years1 have been taught the same form of worship1 or nearly so1 until such heathen ideas and doctrines have become just as much a part of their nature as is any other sinful disposition4 ,having been a personal observer of a few of their customs1 ,i shall here be mentioning what ,i have seen1 with a prayer that my account may at least help the reader more fully to appreciate the access that every worshiper of the true ,god has to the bountiful storehouse of blessings provided by our ,creator4 ,for nearly five years ,i lived a short distance outside a large city in ,china4 ,almost as far as we could see in any direction1 the hills and valleys were dotted with little mounds4 7,some of the valleys1 however1 were under cultivation47 ,how came all these little mounds1 some round1 some long1 some large and some small1 some carefully covered over with fresh green sod1 and others greatly weather-beaten and nearly washed away by the rains of the season8 ,these mysterious little mounds mark the last resting-places of thousands of ,chinese4 ,should the mortal remains in a mound be those of a child1 little or no attention is shown it2 but should it be those of a father or a mother1 the relatives who are left behind do not fail to show great respect and attention to the spirit of the departed one4 ,should they not render such attention1 they believe the spirit has power to inflict upon them great sorrow and adversity4 ,some of their methods of showing respect ,i have observed to be as follows3 ,after a body is prepared for burial1 candles and incense are kept burning1 near the head and the feet2 also bowls of rice and other food1 with a pair of chopsticks1 are placed within easy reach1 for the use of the spirit4 ,on the day of the funeral some one is hired to scatter representations of paper money along the road1 just ahead of the bier4 ,in determining the position of the coffin at the grave1 great care is taken to have the head turned directly toward some favorite temple1 that the spirit may have no trouble in finding its way there4 ,before the casket is covered with sod1 a religious ceremony is held in this way3 ,all the relatives present1 beginning with the nearest kinsman1 kneel down and bow from one to three times1 to the one whom they now hold in such great esteem4 ,even the tiniest children are taught to thus bow before and reverence their ancestor4 ,this being finished1 there is then kindled1 at the foot of the casket1 a small fire of paper money1 by which means they believe the value thereof is transported to the spirit-world for the use of their departed one4 ,a day or two after the funeral1 and on special feast-days1 the near relatives carry food to the grave and offer the food to the spirit by placing it in bowls before the grave4 ,they also again burn paper money or incense4 ,while the fire burns1 and the food remains to be received by the spirit1 a woman1 usually the nearest relative1 kneels by the side of the grave and begins a long-drawn-out season of lamenting and wailing for the sorrow that has come upon her on account of the death of the one by whose grave she is kneeling4 ,she soon almost prostrates herself4 ,during this season of weeping1 she enumerates over and over1 all the virtues and good qualities of the departed one1 and begs him to come back to her4 ,she usually continues in this frenzy until some one who has accompanied her1 pulls her up1 bidding her cease the wailing4 ,the bowls of food previously offered to the spirit are now given to the children or carried home for others to eat4 ,by this manner of worship the woman is supposed to show great honor and reverence to the deceased1 whether he was her father1 brother1 husband1 or son4 ,well do ,i remember the strange feelings that came over me the first few times ,i witnessed from my window such a scene as ,i have just described4 ,i felt such a longing to go to the weeping woman1 put my arms around her1 and comfort her sad heart4 ,but to my utter astonishment1 within two or three minutes after all her touching lamentations she was up laughing1 talking1 and having a jovial time with those about her6 ,whence came those agonizing groans1 and whither had they flown8 ,had ,he who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities comforted her heart8 ,had the ,god of heaven1 who is a present help in every time of trouble1 stretched forth his loving hand to dry her tears of sorrow8 ,ah1 no2 sadly enough1 no4 ,believe me1 reader1 when ,i say that these superstitious women worshiping the spirits of departed ones have a form of sorrow and make a great pretense of distress1 but that1 in reality1 it is only a custom or habit which has been copied from their grandmothers for generations back4 ,this may seem hard to believe1 but one thing which convinced me the quickest was that they all have precisely the same tune or swing to their wailing4 ,after hearing it once or twice1 you always recognize it afterwards1 wherever you are1 whether you see the person or not4 ,it is like a recitation or song committed to memory4 ,there may be no signs whatsoever of sorrow until after the woman has taken her place beside the grave1 when she immediately begins in tones that could probably be heard1 on a quiet day1 a quarter of a mile away1 and continues wailing in the same pitch until some one bids her cease1 when her outward appearance of sorrow ceases as abruptly as it began4 ,i do not mean to say that never is there any real sorrow mingled with the outward form4 ,there may be1 but it is the outward form which constitutes the worship and which every woman seems to know how to perform when the occasion presents itself4 ,now permit me to tell something concerning the worship of idols4 ,originally1 ,i had the idea that the inside arrangement of a heathen temple was very much the same as that of a ,christian chapel2 namely1 that seats were orderly arranged for the worshipers and that the idols would be standing in the front where the pulpit should be4 ,but upon my first visit to a temple1 ,i saw that ,i was mistaken4 ,at or near the temple door stand two very large1 fierce-looking idols1 known as guards of the temple4 ,arranged all around the sides are numerous other idols1 of various kinds and sizes4 ,but in the center of the building stands one or more large idols1 who are supposed to impart different kinds of blessings to the worshiper4 ,standing near by are a number of incense-pots1 from which ascends smoke continuously on worship-days4 ,on the floor can be seen a number of thick1 round mats1 on which the worshipers kneel as they bow before the idols4 ,they do not have fixed hours of worship and all assemble at the appointed time1 but at any time throughout the day few or many may go in and bow before whatever idols are supposed to bestow the kinds of blessings desired4 ,the idol is not supposed to give out the blessing at the time the worshiper bows before him1 as some readers may have believed4 ,for instance1 at the beginning of a new year1 if a man bows before the god of wealth1 he does not expect the idol to hand out money to him1 but rather he expects that during the coming year he shall have financial prosperity4 ,i remember once seeing a father bow before an idol1 then take his three little children1 one by one1 show them how to kneel upon the mat1 fold their little hands1 and bump their heads several times upon the floor in front of the hideous idol1 of which the little ones were afraid4 ,the father noticed that ,i was observing closely the procedure4 ,when it was all finished1 he looked at me with a smile1 as if to say1 ,didn't they do well8 ,these things can not but make sad the heart of a child of ,god4 ,catching a glimpse now and again of a bit of real idol-worship helps one to realize that the church1 in evangelizing the world1 has indeed a mighty undertaking4 ,from a human standpoint1 it may seem impossible1 but with ,god all things are possible4 ,deliverance from ,discouragements and ,extremism ,,experience ,,number #ac ,along the narrow way that leads to heaven1 the ,christian meets with many experiences that to him seem strange and inexplicable4 ,that at times he should walk in light and then again in darkness2 that sometimes he should run with ease and then again be compelled 7as ,bunyan puts it7 to fall from running to going1 and from going to clambering upon his hands and his knees1 because of the steepness of the place2 that he should stand today upon the mountain-top of glory and tomorrow find himself plunged into the valley of despondency and gloom2 that today he should feel so clearly his ,savior's presence1 and tomorrow be left seemingly so entirely to himself2 all these and many other things of like nature tend to puzzle and confuse the souls of pilgrims on the way to glory4 ,that discouragements and disappointments would come from outside sources almost all have expected1 but that the inward life should be changeful and varied in any wise many have not thought consistent with true ,christian experience4 ,,varied ,,experiences ,some1 upon discovering that the ,christian's pathway leads not always through verdant valleys and beside still waters1 conclude that the way is too often rough and that therefore the prize is not worth the running1 become discouraged and turn back into sin4 ,others1 after wondering and seeking in vain for a way always bright and easy1 and learning that all ,christians have similar experiences of inward light and shade1 conclude that these things are part of the way and determine to take them as a matter of course and make the best of them4 ,they consider the prize too great to miss1 and so they press on at any cost1 having settled down to endure what must be endured and to enjoy what may be enjoyed1 hoping some day for an end to it all1 but never discovering the causes1 or being able to think the thoughts of ,god concerning their difficulties4 ,another class can not be satisfied with this condition of mingled light and shade4 ,their souls must ever see the face of ,god1 and with nothing short of that can they abide content4 ,they would make any sacrifice if only the glory and joy they desire might be theirs1 and without it they can not be still4 ,everywhere they turn crying1 ,wherefore hidest thou thy face1 ,make me to know my transgression and my sin 7,job #ac3bc1 #bd72 and1 like ,job again1 'they go forward1 but he is not there2 and backward1 but they can not perceive him'2 on the right and left they seek1 but can not find him 7,job #bc3h1 #i74 ,but they never quiet their souls sufficiently for ,god to tell them the causes of the conditions which they so much deplore4 ,yet another class of ,christians go through like experiences with the others1 but somehow ,god by his grace enables their hearts1 perhaps after years of struggling1 to settle down at last into a state of stillness and calm submission where he can teach them the causes of their troubles and so bring them out into that wealthy place which is the normal state of a mature ,christian4 ,then they can sing with ,job1 ,i have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear2 but ,,now mine eye seeth thee 7,job4 #db3e74 ,in religious as truly as in physical and temporal affairs1 there is never an effect without an adequate cause4 ,if the ,word of ,god loses its richness1 if darkness falls upon the soul1 if it is hard to pray1 if there is a lack of victory in any respect1 there is a reason1 a sufficient cause for such a condition4 ,let it be understood here that the causes are not always1 in fact often are not1 sins4 ,much confusion has arisen from imagining that every chastening of the ,lord is the punishment of some sin1 when1 in fact1 each of ,god's sons must endure chastisement that they may become in a fuller sense partakers of his holiness4 ,thus1 we conclude that all the unpleasant experiences with which we meet in the upward way must be for the sake of eliminating something of self and of conforming us more to the divine image4 ,we do not meet them simply because they are in the way1 but they are in the way because we need them4 ,hence the best way to meet all such things is to bring them quickly to ,father1 not inquiring impatiently1 ,why must ,i suffer so8 but rather3 ,what is there in my nature that makes this suffering necessary8 ,what is it that thou art endeavoring to do for me8 ,and how may ,i conduct myself so as to receive the benefit8 ,,tests ,,in ,,early ,,christian ,,life ,happy is the child of ,god who can say that from the day of his conversion he has never sinned nor grieved the ,spirit of ,god4 ,such1 however1 has not been the experience of the writer4 ,for several years ,i was plunged1 sometimes within the space of a few hours1 from extreme happiness and joy into deepest gloom and sadness4 ,weeks of walking in the joy of the ,lord often terminated in some sad failure1 causing untold misery of soul4 ,when faith again gained the victory1 praises in the day and songs in the night were mine until some other episode or depression of feeling caused me anxiety and fear4 ,in spite of ,god's matchless grace and patient endeavor to teach me the lessons of absolute dependence and humble trust in him1 this condition continued until gradually and almost imperceptibly my soul reached a place where ,i seemed past feeling1 joy was no longer mine1 love seemed a sensation foreign to my heart1 the power of prayer was gone1 and ,i felt that ,god had indeed forsaken me4 ,my testimonies 7for ,i was not conscious of any sin and could not give up my hope in ,christ7 sounded to my own ears as tinkling cymbal and sounding brass4 ,that a soul who commits no known sin and who never loses the determination to serve ,god could get into such a state seems incredible4 ,such1 however1 was my condition1 and ,i have met some who are on the way to just such a place of confusion1 others who have reached and are now suffering in the same state of misery1 and still others who have passed through and found that sweet rest of soul so plainly promised to all who come to ,jesus4 ,such1 then1 as may be passing through or who are entering upon such experiences1 ,i trust to be able to show how my feet came to sink into the miry clay and how at last ,god graciously set me upon the solid rock of his eternal truth and gave me new songs of praise and love once again4 ,a ,,deeper ,,spiritual ,,experience ,for the two years intervening between my conversion and the time when ,i was enabled to make a complete consecration and receive an experience which ,i had not before attained1 ,i enjoyed and endured the experiences common to the ,christian in his early religious life4 ,many times ,i presented myself to ,god for cleansing1 but as often failed to receive the ,holy ,ghost1 because ,i could not believe unless ,i should have such manifestations of his incoming as some others had received4 ,at last1 in desperation1 being confident that ,i had yielded all to ,god1 ,i determined to believe that he did cleanse my heart and give me the ,holy ,spirit whether ,i ever received any feelings or not2 for had not the immutable ,god promised1 and could his word be broken8 ,after a severe testing of this decision1 the ,holy ,spirit came into my heart1 cleansing it and filling me with joy unspeakable and full of glory4 ,now1 ,i thought1 surely all my difficulties are past1 and ,i shall walk in glory the rest of my life4 ,this bubble soon burst1 however2 for in my very testimony to the gracious infilling of the ,spirit1 ,i was shown a degree of self and a lack of humility1 which1 had ,i understood the truth of the matter1 should have sent me in faith to the throne of grace for a supply of what ,i lacked1 but which1 instead1 ,i allowed to throw me into a state of doubt and fear from which ,i did not emerge for some days4 ,the agony of soul which ,i suffered through not understanding the fact that ,i had an individual self-life with which ,i must reckon1 even though ,i was sanctified1 can be understood only by those who have become victims to doubts in a like manner4 ,after a time faith became stronger1 the seasons of depression became fewer1 and my soul lived upon the wing4 ,prayer was a delight2 the reading of the ,word filled me with praise2 meeting the people of ,god was the joy of my life2 and every newly revealed truth made my soul leap for gladness4 ,,glorying ,,in ,,self ,i came at last to revel in my experiences4 ,insensibly to myself1 ,i gloried in ,,my joy1 ,,my victory1 ,,my trueness to ,god4 ,others told of trials and difficulties2 my testimonies were full of victory and praise1 and ,i rejoiced in the fact4 ,little by little ,i began to notice the faults and failures of others1 and having begun to think so much of what ,i was1 ,i had but a little step to go to make a comparison of their faults with my virtues4 ,as ,i remember1 ,i did this all quite unconsciously2 but a brother at last said to me1 ,i fear you are losing that burning love for others which you once had4 ,thus reproved1 ,i sought the ,father in a very simple prayer that he would fill me again with that sweetness and tenderness so necessary for a child of ,god4 ,that he answered no one could doubt1 least of all ,i myself4 ,a passion for souls took hold upon me4 ,no labor was too hard1 no sacrifice too great1 if only ,i could influence a soul for ,jesus4 ,i felt a tenderness of soul toward those whom ,i had formerly criticized1 and whereas ,i had avoided them1 now ,i felt a drawing toward them1 and though ,i believed 7because some in whom ,i had confidence warned me of it7 that they possessed very serious faults1 someway ,i could not see them so plainly4 ,i was young in years1 and oh1 so ignorant6 ,if only at that time my wisdom had been equal to my love for ,god and souls1 how much of sorrow ,i might have been saved6 ,how hard the ,spirit of ,god tried to keep me from taking counsel with self and others6 but ,i had yet to develop that individuality which can stand alone with ,god in sunshine or tempest and at the same time hold an attitude of humble1 submissive love to the brethren4 ,i needed that single eye which sees only ,god and is not occupied with self or others1 except in humbly loving and serving them4 ,partly through a lack of understanding1 but more especially because spiritual pride was gaining a foothold in my heart1 making it impossible for me clearly to distinguish the voice of the ,spirit of ,god1 ,i failed to heed his warnings1 and entered an experience of darkness and gloom1 lighted by a very few rays of his divine presence1 which continued over a period of several years4 ,,criticizing ,,others ,gradually my former experience was repeated4 ,criticism of others slowly but surely took the place of fervent charity4 ,contemplation of self and self-complacency supplanted meditation on ,god and the humble realization of my need of his constant help4 ,self-sufficiency succeeded humble dependence upon the ,lord4 ,all this was utterly uncomprehended by my heart1 and soon ,i began vaguely to wonder why ,i did not love secret prayer as formerly1 why the ,word did not seem so good to me as before1 and why my thoughts ran so much upon myself and others1 whereas in times past the ,lord had been the ,alpha and ,omega of my meditations4 ,my zeal for the truth did not abate4 ,my public devotions were earnest and apparently spiritual1 but deep within my soul ,i knew that there was a difference4 ,however1 ,i was so much taken up with helping others do right that ,i had not much time to attend to my own needs4 ,god had given me much light1 many things for my personal benefit4 ,these ,i was very anxious for others to see2 for if they were good for me1 why not for others also8 ,thus1 ,i endeavored to force my convictions upon all ,i met4 ,i loved their souls and my actions were born of a desire for their best good1 but my attitude must have repelled rather than have attracted them4 ,anxiety to see every one get as much as possible as quickly as possible1 made me oversolicitous and exacting4 ,at this time ,i came in contact with some who were inclined to lower the standard in some respects and give more room for looseness of walk and conversation than was expedient4 ,these ,i looked upon at first with pity1 then with indignation1 and at last as wilful deceivers4 ,at this stage1 ,i think1 the last vestige of divine tenderness vanished from my soul1 and ,i entered the conflict determined to vindicate the truth and see the standard upheld4 ,when efforts were made to discover to me my faults1 ,i could see only theirs4 ,if it was suggested to me that ,i was lacking in love1 ,i felt that judgments instead of love should be meted out to them4 ,instead of feeling free in their presence1 ,i felt like avoiding them and almost feared to be with them4 ,this ,i ascribed to the bad spirit which ,i felt actuated them4 ,had ,i only known how1 ,i might have held to the true standard in righteousness and also in mercy1 but ,i could see no middle ground4 ,either ,i was right and they wrong or the opposite was true4 ,and ,i thought that if ,i was wrong at all ,i must be wholly wrong4 ,i had not at that time seen the truth that ,god judges us by our motives1 and condemns or excuses us as we have or do not have an earnest determination to serve him and do his will4 ,so any attempt to recognize those who were failing in doing some of what ,i was sure was the will of ,god only resulted in terrible confusion to my soul4 ,,warned ,,by ,a ,,dream ,at last ,god in mercy gave a dream to a brother who was trying to help us4 ,i can not recall it perfectly1 but to the best of my recollection1 it was somewhat as follows3 ,he thought that he was in the center of a beautiful stream of water1 clear as crystal4 ,the banks on each side were perpendicular and very high4 ,on each bank was a large bundle to which was attached a strap4 ,the brother was trying hard1 but without success1 to pull those bundles into the stream4 ,in the midst of his exertions he awoke4 ,wondering what was in the bundles1 he looked to the ,lord and received this solution3 ,the crystal stream represented ,god's eternal truth2 the obstinate bundles contained a list of things which he gave to us somewhat as follows3 ,,truth ,human ,reasoning ,legality ,zeal for spirituality ,great claims to spirituality ,voluntary humility ,harshness ,independence ,self-sufficiency ,headiness ,self-will ,criticism ,criticism ,loose handling of ,word ,zeal for written commands ,exaltation of ,spirit above ,word ,exaction ,undue liberty ,bondage ,compromise ,fanaticism ,,indifference ,,or ,,doubts ,such a revelation of my heart should have helped me1 but so blind was ,i that the only change it wrought was to turn the weapons of harshness1 criticism1 and exaction upon myself4 ,and for three long miserable years1 with a heart like a stone so far as feelings were concerned1 ,i wrestled with doubts and fears and tried1 oh1 so hard6 to reach the standard of spirituality which ,i had formerly held up for others4 ,labor in prayer as ,i would1 the light would not dispel the darkness1 the stony heart would not soften1 except for a short season4 ,then1 how ,i gloried in the light and how ,i mourned when it was dark again6 ,worse than all else1 there fell upon my soul a state of seeming indifference to my condition and carelessness toward both ,god1 the souls of others1 and myself4 ,stir myself out of it1 ,i could not4 ,sorrow and joy alike seemed strangers to me4 ,as there was no blessing1 so there was no grief4 ,there was a great calm1 but it was the calm of the grave2 it was not peace4 ,when reproved for causing trials to others1 as ,i often needed to be1 ,i endeavored not to be guilty of the same offense again2 but no matter what ,i did1 ,i seemed to experience no great depth of sorrow4 ,withal there developed a lightness quite foreign to what ,i had been by nature or grace4 ,i seemed to live only upon the surface1 and to have no ability to reach any depth of grace4 ,this ,i deplored1 and longed for the blessing of genuine sorrow4 ,how often ,i wished that ,i had never heard the truth if only ,i might have the chance to begin all over again6 ,i lived in circles1 making no progress4 ,daily ,i prayed for a return of the joy1 love1 peace1 and victory ,i had once known4 ,sometimes the clouds rifted a little1 and ,i gloried in it1 thinking that surely the ,lord had heard1 and ,i should be delivered2 but soon ,i would feel the same dulness settle down1 leaving in me the same aching void as before4 ,again and again ,i tried to repent1 thinking that ,i surely must be a sinner2 but ,i could not work up any earnestness1 nor could ,i find anything in particular of which to repent1 only the darkness and general dissatisfaction which ,i was experiencing4 ,if only ,i could have begun again2 but there seemed no place from which to start1 no foundation for my feet1 and ,i felt myself almost entirely swallowed in the quicksand of despondency and discouragement4 ,i realized then the force of the ,psalmist's words1 ,if the foundations be removed1 what shall the righteous do8 ,,discouragements ,at last my thoughtlessness brought upon me some very severe reproofs4 ,i knew that ,i was not feeling the weight of them as ,i should1 and ,i knew also that unless ,i should be able in some way to see why ,i did such things ,i could never get any help4 ,why should ,i1 who longed to be a soul-winner1 be a source of trial to others8 ,having at last gotten it settled that there was something fundamentally wrong1 ,i determined not to content myself until ,i should discover what it was4 ,instead of praying as ,i had done for so long1 for love1 joy1 etc41 ,i endeavored to humble myself before ,god and entreat him to show me what was wrong within4 ,i made very slow progress4 ,a day of fasting and prayer revealed nothing4 ,but ,i would not cease searching my heart4 ,it was very dry praying1 for ,i had no ability even to feel sorry that my condition was so bad2 but ,i had one promise to which ,i clung desperately3 ,they that seek the ,lord shall not want any good thing 7,psa4 #cd3aj74 ,i could not make myself feel1 nor change my state1 but ,i could seek4 ,and it was within my power1 as it is within the power of all1 to believe that he would be found of me4 ,at last1 little by little1 it dawned upon me that ,i was selfish4 ,the reader may smile1 as ,i myself do now1 that ,i did not know it before4 ,but up to that time ,i had never stopped to consider why ,i did things4 ,if ,i spoke harshly1 ,i was sorry and begged pardon1 but it never occurred to me to think why ,i had spoken so1 except that something had not pleased me4 ,if ,i prayed when ,i felt inclined and neglected prayer when ,i did not feel inclined to pray1 ,i knew that ,i had neglected duty1 but to consider why ,i had neglected it never entered my mind4 ,if words not unto edification escaped my lips1 ,i was ashamed1 but my motive for so speaking was unknown to me4 ,but now the ,lord showed me clearly that a desire for personal pleasure and profit lurked deep at the root of all those acts of indifference and carelessness4 ,grateful for one ray of light1 ,i sought again his presence and cried1 ,but why1 ,o ,lord1 should ,i1 who have tasted thy divine grace1 who have felt the sanctifying power of thy ,holy ,spirit--why should ,i be selfish8 ,my spiritual eye was regaining its sight now and my ear its keenness1 so that through many days1 in the testimonies of others1 through reading1 and in prayer and meditation1 the answer came by degrees1 until at last ,i understood4 ,,self-,,love ,,and ,,pure ,,love ,there is1 ,i learned1 in every human heart an element called self-love4 ,this is not sinful in itself1 being synonymous with that desire for happiness which is the medium through which ,god appeals to the soul4 ,it is not annihilated in the sanctified soul1 else ,jesus could not have said1 ,love thy neighbor as thyself1 but it is there subordinated to that pure love which places ,god first in all circumstances4 ,to love the ,lord with all the heart1 might1 mind1 and strength is to love with pure love2 but the heart that loves thus still contains self-love1 and it is through this property of the soul that the sanctified can be tempted4 ,adam was a perfect man1 with a perfectly pure heart2 but when tempted to obtain something which promised to improve his state and increase his happiness1 he proved that he loved himself by yielding to the temptation4 ,it is this part of ourselves which must daily be denied lest it degenerate into selfishness and cause us trouble4 ,there is a degree to which this self-love and pure love may become mixed in our service to ,god4 ,this had happened in my case4 ,pure love serves without any hope of reward4 ,when light and peace and joy fill the soul1 or when grief1 sorrow1 or loneliness presses the heart1 pure love goes on loving and serving4 ,pure love desires1 not to be pleased1 but to please4 ,it gives all and demands nothing in return4 ,it loves ,god1 not so much for what he has done for the soul1 or for what the soul expects him to do for it1 but for what he ,,is4 ,it seeks him1 not so much that it may be blessed1 as that it may be a pleasure to him4 ,it desires1 not so much satisfaction for its own heart1 as that he may be satisfied with it4 ,it seeks not place nor position nor anything1 but only that ,,he may find pleasure in it1 that ,,he may be able to rejoice in the work of his hand4 ,if it pleases him to give good things1 the soul is grateful1 but does not forget that the ,giver is more than the gift4 ,if evil comes1 pure love can quietly rest1 desiring naught for self1 but all for him4 ,even if his face is hidden1 pure love1 though feeling keenly the absence of its beloved1 can still say in sweet submission1 ,thy will be done2 for it feels itself unworthy of any blessing and so is content with whatever its ,lord is pleased to do4 ,it yields itself to the ,author of every good1 and1 trusting his love1 receives thankfully and in deep humility what he pleases to give and as gratefully humbles itself to go without what he does not please to give4 ,willingly to receive what thou givest1 to lack what thou withholdest1 to relinquish what thou takest1 to suffer what thou inflictest1 to be what thou requirest--this is pure love and real consecration4 ,,seeing ,,my ,,condition ,as ,god revealed this precious truth1 ,i felt as though some one had said of me1 ,doth ,job serve ,god for naught8 and that ,god could not have justified me as he did ,job4 ,my own heart showed me self-seeking4 ,i saw then that ,i had prayed to be blessed2 that ,i had longed for satisfaction2 that ,i had sought for joy and peace and love and spirituality1 partly at least1 that ,i might be satisfied and well pleased with myself1 and1 furthermore1 that ,i might be considered spiritual among the brethren4 ,also1 ,i was honestly anxious to be a blessing to others and in everything to be an example of the believers4 ,but to seek the ,lord simply to please him never occurred to me1 until ,i was reminded of his unselfish love for me4 ,he desired me to be all for him1 not because my little all could make him any richer1 but because it was only then that he could really be all for me and bestow upon me the riches of his love4 ,a sentence from ,fenelon made me more ashamed than ever4 ,it reads something like this3 ,would you serve ,god only as he gives you pleasure in serving him8 ,,light ,,breaks ,,upon ,,my ,,soul ,in the beginning of my ,christian experience ,i had but to see a truth to feel within a strong drawing to obedience4 ,but now all was different4 ,the cold facts of my condition were plain to me1 but there was no inward force compelling me to act according to the knowledge ,i had gained4 ,i was tossed about and wished more than ,i can tell for some inward urging of the ,spirit of ,god toward the performance of my duty4 ,i did not know the truth that ,god accepts the decision of the will as the purpose of the heart4 ,i supposed that no act could be acceptable to ,god unless it came from a warm feeling of love4 ,the deadness and the apathy of my heart were sickening4 ,i saw clearly the wretchedness of my condition1 but there was no breaking up1 no feeling of sorrow1 no conviction 7as ,i thought71 no love for ,god4 ,if ,i could only have shed some tears2 if my soul had only been exercised for its own deliverance6 ,but all within was as still as a stone2 only my mind seemed active4 ,at last1 however1 ,i saw that this apparent lack of sorrow was only another step toward the utter repudiation of self4 ,in the past1 self had hidden behind my tears1 and ,i had unconsciously trusted in my sorrow instead of in the ,lord1 thinking that surely because ,i felt so sorry1 ,i should not repeat the offense4 ,but a feeling of sorrow can not save1 as ,i proved again and again by repeated failures1 and so ,god1 wishing to strip me of anything in which to trust except himself1 allowed me not even the satisfaction of tears or a breaking up of heart4 ,he wished to teach me that real repentance is an act of the will and not of the emotions4 ,for a tender heart1 one should be grateful1 but to trust in that for victory over sin or faults can only lead to repeated failure4 ,so at last ,i was willing to submit this point to him who doeth all things well and was willing to cast myself1 unworthy1 undone1 without a vestige of hope in myself1 nor a place to set my feet1 wholly upon him and to believe that he took me ,,as ,i ,,was1 whether ,i was able to do or be anything or not1 and would begin to work in me his divine will4 ,,learning ,,my ,,mistakes ,the same trouble arose about my lack of feeling any love for ,god4 ,how could ,i1 who had been the recipient of so many favors from the hand of ,god1 be so hard-hearted as not to love him6 ,could ,i dare come to him or ask anything from him when ,i did not love him1 when ,i had given so much place to self-love and had been so indifferent concerning the pleasure of my ,king8 ,how difficult it is to come to ,god empty-handed6 ,if only ,i might have brought at least a little love in my hand to offer him6 ,but no1 there seemed to be none2 and at last my poor soul came to see and confess that1 after all1 it was not because of my love to him that he loved me and saved me1 but because of his great mercy and love for me4 ,at length my soul1 falling down before him1 could cry out in truth1 ,nothing in my hand ,i bring2 ,simply to thy cross ,i cling4 ,then he taught me that love does not depend upon emotion2 that so far as ,god is concerned1 it is a free gift to us2 that in order for us to enjoy it we must accept it as our own4 ,the acceptance depends upon our will and decision in the matter1 and not upon our feelings4 ,to illustrate3 ,if a person does much for me that is hard and difficult for him1 willingly makes many sacrifices for me1 without any hope of reward1 ,i conclude that he loves me far better than the one who does much for me for which he receives or expects remuneration4 ,nowhere does the ,bible command us to feel like obeying the ,lord2 nowhere is it even suggested that we should feel like loving him4 ,but we do find that ,god's pleasure rests upon those who will do his will 7,john #g3ag71 and we do have this definition of love3 ,this is the love of ,god1 that we keep his commandments4 ,feelings have nothing to do with the keeping of ,god's commands4 ,of course1 it is more pleasant to us to do what we feel inclined to do1 but it does not necessarily give more pleasure to ,god4 ,if we obey ,god because he is ,god and because it is right to obey him1 we act from pure love1 and the pleasure ,god feels toward such service will in time be poured out upon the soul in streams of love1 and there will be all the feeling desired4 ,thus1 ,i saw that if ,i willed to love ,god and acted as nearly as possible as ,i should act if ,i felt the glow of his love in my heart1 this was more acceptable to him than the same service would be if rendered because my feelings prompted me to do it4 ,,victory ,,over ,,accusations ,in acting upon this truth1 ,i was often accused of being a hypocrite1 because my prayers1 my manifestations of love and interest in others1 and whatever ,i did for the ,lord1 seemed unreal and strained4 ,here1 however1 faith came to my rescue1 enabling me to say to ,satan3 ,no1 ,i am not a hypocrite4 ,i know that ,i do not feel like doing what ,i am doing2 ,i know that ,i am not getting any particular pleasure out of it4 ,but ,i do not deserve any pleasure1 and ,i shall continue to do the best ,i can to prove to ,god that ,i do love him and am trying to give him pleasure4 ,if he never sees fit to give me back again the joy which ,i formerly had in his service1 that is his business4 ,mine is to love and serve4 ,let him do as he will with his own4 ,it was all very dry and hard at first1 for the old doubts about being his when ,i did not feel his presence1 knocked hard for admittance2 but ,i was enabled to meet them always with the same confidence3 ,i can not doubt that he loves me now1 whether ,i seem to love him or not2 for did he not 'love me and give himself for me' when ,i was not trying to serve him at all8 ,anyway1 my salvation does not depend upon my love for him1 but upon his for me4 ,but ,i ,,will love him and prove it by trusting and obeying him4 ,this is all ,i can do2 the rest ,i leave with him4 ,the test was a long one1 and a lesson that ,i shall not forget4 ,when1 at last1 ,god saw that ,i would ask only for ability to satisfy and please him1 whether ,i felt pleased and satisfied or not1 there came into my soul gradually light and joy1 and oh6 such a sweet sense of his presence4 ,praise his name6 ,the love and other graces ,i then felt in my soul1 ,i could not boast of1 however1 for they all came from and belonged to him2 and when ,i was enabled again to bow before him with a sweet sense of love and reverence1 ,i felt that in adoring and loving him1 ,i was not bringing to him something of my own1 but only returning to him that which he had given me4 ,i felt as ,i had not for years that ,the graces within are not mine2 ,for the love and the power and the glory ,belong to the ,savior divine4 ,,locating ,,myself ,,spiritually ,one other point of which ,i must speak in this connection is the difficulty ,i experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually when in the midst of the confusion ,i have described4 ,could ,i be saved at all when in such a state8 ,did ,i need to repent1 or only try to do better8 ,were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins1 or only mistakes8 ,fortunately1 ,i was advised not to try to figure out so carefully what was sin and what was not1 but to present to ,jesus anything that troubled me1 and to trust him implicitly to work in me the victory that ,i needed4 ,by humbly confessing my weakness and claiming the promise of ,phil4 #b3ac1 ,for it is ,god that worketh in you both to will and to do his good pleasure1 ,i was enabled to gain victory almost immediately over many faults and failures with which ,i had wrestled long and over which ,i could never have gotten victory if ,i had spent my time picking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of which ,i needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake4 ,i felt that ,god was pleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for correction any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not4 ,it would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were wrought in me by these experiences4 ,suffice it to say that life has been different ever since4 ,not that ,i have always felt the ,lord just as near1 for he has needed to remind me of the lessons ,i have recorded and to teach me others2 but whether he seems near or far1 ,satan has never succeeded in making me fear and doubt4 ,i have learned that whether ,god leads in light or in darkness1 he ,,is leading and ,i have nothing to fear4 ,if darkness comes upon me1 it is for a purpose1 and ,i can wait patiently upon him until he makes that purpose known4 ,submissively to wait and patiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part4 ,his part is to lead and take care of me1 and this1 ,i am sure1 he will do unto the end4 ,therefore ,i have no responsibility except to go on obeying and trusting him4 ,whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others ,i lay at his feet1 expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be in myself1 or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others4 ,and thus my soul has reached and abides in that wealthy place where no harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace4 ,liberated from ,faultfinding ,,experience ,,number #ad ,for the glory of ,god and the encouragement of others ,i wish to testify against the evil of faultfinding4 ,soon after the beginning of my ,christian experience1 about twelve years ago1 ,i was severely harassed by this adversary of my soul4 ,so cunningly were my eyes blinded to my real condition that ,i was almost overwhelmed at times through the workings of this dangerous influence4 ,at times ,i would be almost free from it1 but very much of the time ,i seemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of others and was never aware of the beam in my own eye4 ,i could see so much to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to step aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as others saw me4 ,i thought ,i could conduct some affairs over which others had charge1 so much better than they were being conducted1 that ,i was at times uncomfortable because ,i did not have a chance to show what ,i could do4 ,it is needless to say that during the time that ,i was a prey to this wicked spirit1 ,i had little1 if any1 spiritual life2 but ,i tried to convince myself that ,i was doing quite well4 ,there was1 however1 a blank or a real lack in my ,christian life1 because ,i had not learned to be an ideal ,christian in humility before ,god and meekness towards my fellow men4 ,as soon as ,i passed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy possessor of a willing spirit1 ,i began to realize that ,i was learning the necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations ,i began to have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble4 ,there were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need4 ,the first one was a few years ago1 when ,i received from a brother a letter in which he said1 ,brother1 you need continuity4 ,that reproof found its place in my heart1 and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of willingness4 ,although it brought no immediate results1 yet it stayed by me and was very prominent before me many times4 ,the second lesson was brought to me through a sermon4 ,the sister who delivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years of difficulty in regard to finding fault with others1 and who finally concluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he criticized4 ,i began to see my own case a little clearer1 but ,i did not fully learn the lesson until sometime later4 ,my third lesson came in the following manner3 ,a brother in whom ,i had some confidence came to my home and asked for a position1 which ,i secured for him4 ,we admitted him into our home for his comfort as well as for our pleasure spiritually1 as we supposed he would be a help to us4 ,it was not long1 however1 until it seemed there was nothing that escaped his faultfinding4 ,he saw mountains of fault with us and our children4 ,at last ,i saw in his case a picture of what ,i myself had done during the past1 but ,i had banished from my life all thoughts of ever again being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit4 ,never before had ,i been able to see the picture of my former condition as ,i saw it when fully manifested in the life of this brother4 ,although it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do what was right1 nevertheless this evil habit1 if ,i may call it such1 had gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a hindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the way of others4 ,this habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming to be children of ,god has caused them to wander from the true paths of righteousness into forbidden paths1 and also to turn many others from the path that leads to everlasting life4 ,it is with much gratitude to ,god that ,i undertake to tell of my deliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual progress4 ,when ,i came to the point where ,i humbled my heart before the ,lord and let him turn the searchlight upon me1 the faults in others were not so great1 but mine had seemed to climb mountain high4 ,it was with a determination and positive decision to turn from such things2 and the ,lord1 understanding my intentions in regard to those things1 took note of my humility of heart and delivered me1 for which ,i give him all the praise and glory4 ,may the dear ,lord help us all to bear with each other1 and forbear complaining1 even though it may at times seem necessary4 ,i am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of ,god4 ,help from ,god in ,fiery ,trials ,,experience ,,number #ae ,when ,i think of the great mercy and love of ,god that follows after a soul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of the heart1 truly ,i stand in awe before him4 ,since he knows all and has all power1 can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands to be molded into his image to shine for him8 ,not every one that saith unto me1 ,lord1 ,lord1 shall enter into the kingdom of heaven1 but he that doeth the will of my ,father4 ,every one who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire1 according to ,zech4 #ac3i--;,and ,i will bring a third part through the fire1 and will refine them as silver is refined1 and will try them as gold is tried3 they shall call on my name1 and ,i will hear them3 ,i will say1 ,it is my people3 and they shall say1 ,the ,lord is my ,god4 ,in telling some experiences in the furnace-flames1 ,i wish to lose sight of everything except to be a help and encouragement to those who are in trial4 ,in writing my experience1 ,i shall find it necessary to make mention of some of the sad things concerning my husband1 a fact which ,i very much regret4 ,but ,i trust that dear souls will take warning and realize that there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains possession4 ,i shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of a paper called the ,gospel ,trumpet ,i ever saw4 ,through my reading them1 conviction was sent to my soul by the ,spirit of ,god2 but being unwilling to meet the necessary conditions1 ,i resisted the convictions and put the papers aside4 ,some months afterwards while searching for something1 ,i came across those papers1 and immediately that same conviction returned1 but again ,i resisted it4 ,my health failed1 and ,i continued to decline until ,i was almost in the jaws of death4 ,physicians could do nothing for me4 ,during this time ,god was doing his best to get me to understand that if ,i would give up he would save and heal me4 ,at last ,i yielded1 and he saved my soul and healed me1 and from that day until this1 which has been more than eighteen years1 ,i have been fascinated by the charms of a ,christian life4 ,,the ,,beginning ,,of ,,persecutions ,for a long time ,i did not meet with any persecution in my home1 as my husband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth1 but was not willing to walk in it4 ,god followed after him with love and long-suffering4 ,time after time he resisted the conviction1 but finally the ,spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he must do to make his wrongs right4 ,he began making a profession of religion1 but refused to make all his wrongs right1 and in a short time the enemy took possession of him1 whereupon he turned against ,god and against me1 and grew worse and worse4 ,now the furnace-flames became hot4 ,he was restless and could not be content to stay anywhere very long at a time1 and everywhere we went he set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain sympathy4 ,he was very cruel to the children and me4 ,after we moved to a small town in northern ,kansas1 these words came vividly to my mind3 ,fear none of those things which shall come upon thee4 ,with the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction4 ,two doctors pronounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint4 ,it was so serious that ,i could not bear to be moved1 and when ,i sat in a rocking-chair ,i was obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from moving4 ,the thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go through my limb4 ,at times ,i was able to walk some on crutches by being careful4 ,my leg was swollen from above the knee down4 ,at night ,i had to lie upon my back with pillows under my knee1 and ,i could move neither to the right nor to the left1 and sometimes just to cough a little caused almost unendurable pain4 ,all this happened during the months before a baby girl was born4 ,my family and neighbors did not expect me to live1 but ,god stood by me and gave me this assurance3 that as the children of ,israel faced the ,red ,sea with no possible way of crossing1 and he divided the waters and let them pass through1 so he would in like manner help me4 ,oh1 it was precious to trust him6 ,just about a week before the child was born1 the excruciating pain left my knee1 but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever4 ,about three months later the ,lord healed the disease1 which has never returned4 ,however1 ,i was left a cripple1 and have had to use crutches ever since that time4 ,at this time ,i had eight children4 ,two grown boys had gone from home1 leaving me to care for the other six4 ,i had a great desire to rear them for ,god4 ,thus far ,i had spent most of my ,christian life in isolated places1 where ,i was deprived of church privileges4 ,it seemed that all the hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my children under ,christian influence4 ,although ,i had many things to learn regarding how to do this1 yet ,god was patient in teaching me4 ,once when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me1 and it seemed there was no material to work on1 ,i was comforted through the impression that came to me in the words1 ,god can take a worm and thresh a mountain1 and ,i have never forgotten these words1 the thought of which is expressed by the prophet in ,isa4 #da3ad1 #ae4 ,i felt that some who opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the children from my influence4 ,once my husband was threatened with arrest for cruelty1 and ,i feared that my children would be taken from me and placed among my opposers1 as one woman had said there were plenty of homes for them4 ,then the scene of ,christ before ,pilate came before me and this scripture3 ,thou couldest have no power at all against me1 except it were given thee from above4 ,at the same time one of the organ-keys was down1 and we were unable to repair it2 so ,i said1 ,we will trust the ,lord to fix it4 ,when the above-mentioned scripture came to me1 the organ-key raised of its own accord1 and ,i said1 ,is there anything like that in the ,bible8 and quickly came the answer3 ,the gate opened of its own accord when ,peter went out4 ,joy filled my soul as ,i realized that the mighty ,god of heaven was my helper4 ,at another time ,i made a carpet which required five years to make by working whenever ,i could find time to do so4 ,after it was finished and before ,i had cut it1 the ,spirit said to me1 while ,i was praying one day1 ,send that carpet to ,kansas ,city to help furnish the ,missionary ,home4 ,my heart said amen1 and ,god made my husband willing1 blessed my soul in sending it1 and later gave me a carpet larger than the one ,i had given4 ,my husband had ceased to allow me to have a way to make money of my own4 ,i was not permitted to have either chickens or eggs4 ,once ,i made a hot-bed1 as plants found a ready sale1 and thought ,i would make a little money in that way1 but he found it just as the plants were coming up and destroyed it4 ,god never failed to bless me when ,i said amen4 ,at one time when ,i was in need of a pair of shoes1 ,i went in earnest prayer to the ,lord like a child and asked him for a pair4 ,soon afterwards ,i received a letter from a sister in ,kansas ,city whom ,i had never seen4 ,she was giving her entire time to the gospel work and had a little money in her possession4 ,in her letter she said1 ,my mind was directed to you last ,sunday during the services1 and ,i was impressed to send this money to you4 ,at another time after praying for some money1 ,i received a dollar4 ,i was in need of so many things that ,i asked the ,lord how ,i should spend it4 ,this answer came3 ,send it to the missionaries in ,india4 ,i did so1 and in a short time received three pair of shoes for the children1 of which they were very much in need4 ,i had many similar experiences4 ,when our baby girl was about three months old1 a dear sister whom ,i had met and who was living in an isolated place1 came to pay me a visit4 ,she remained in that community4 ,after about a year she was eager to grow in grace1 and while she was anxiously waiting before the ,lord and wishing that she might grow like ,sister ----1 the question came to her1 ,are you willing to pass through what she has had to pass through8 ,she had a desire to do whatever was necessary1 but did not feel that she could very well pass through such severe ordeals4 ,in order to be spiritual and grow in grace1 it is not always necessary for people to pass through such severe trials1 nevertheless their consecration must be to pass through anything that would be most to the glory of ,god4 ,about this time ,i had an attack of sickness1 and for sometime it seemed that ,i might die4 ,my husband went to visit his sister and left me alone with the children4 ,the sister who had been staying in the community1 felt that she must come and stay with me1 and when my husband returned1 the ,lord put it into his heart to hire her for a while4 ,the ,lord healed me and made my husband willing for my oldest daughter and ,i to go to a meeting at ,kansas ,city4 ,this was my last opportunity to enjoy a meeting before entering a much darker vale of trial4 ,our daughter was saved1 for which ,i praised the ,lord4 ,my husband refused to hire the sister any longer1 but in answer to prayer consented for her to stay as long as she desired without pay for her services4 ,in ,december of that year a dear baby boy was born4 ,the ,lord gave me this assurance3 ,i will be with thee in six troubles1 yea1 in seven there shall no evil befall thee4 ,my husband began planning to go to ,arkansas4 ,we had been here three years and were getting our home comfortably furnished1 but we learned to take joyfully the spoiling of our goods and to see them sold at a great sacrifice4 ,one day while ,i was communing with the ,lord1 this scripture was vividly impressed upon my mind3 ,in all thy ways acknowledge him1 and he shall direct thy paths4 ,at that time there was suggested to my mind the name of a town in ,kansas near where ,i lived during my childhood4 ,i did not understand what it meant1 as we did not go there1 but ,i understood later4 ,i had always had an aversion to living in the backwoods1 for ,i knew that the welfare and education of the children would be neglected1 but ,i acknowledged ,god's way4 ,the sister who was with us was willing to stay or go with us4 ,we asked the ,lord to open the way if he wanted her to go1 and my husband told her that if she wanted to go he would pay her way4 ,there are many experiences through which ,i passed that ,i should like to relate--experiences showing the mysterious ways in which the ,lord helped us in time of need4 ,i learned that obedience and trueness to ,god will bring us into a wealthy place4 ,my husband went about six weeks before we did and secured a location4 ,upon our arrival we found that our home for the present was sixteen miles from a railroad1 back in the mountains1 and that the roads were very rough and rocky4 ,our house was a very small one built of rough1 unhewn logs4 ,there were no windows1 only some small shutters which could be opened when the weather was not cold4 ,there were plenty of cracks and the fireplace was a smoky one4 ,most of the people in that community had lived there from the time of their birth and were poor4 ,the women used tobacco4 ,some could not read1 and morality was at a low ebb4 ,soon after being introduced to our new surroundings1 ,i was asked these three questions in succession3 ,are you willing to stay here and work8 ,yes1 ,i answered4 ,unseen and unknown8 ,yes4 ,not even an obituary when you die8 ,yes4 ,there were only twenty acres in cultivation1 which required more hard work than eighty acres of ordinary farm-land4 ,that fall my husband purchased a hewed log house of three rooms and moved it down between the mountains4 ,it had four whole windows and two half windows1 and we never knew before what luxuries they were4 ,we continued to have ,sunday-school1 as husband had not yet forbidden us to have it4 ,he succeeded in turning most of the people against us by telling the usual stories1 only he changed them to suit the people4 ,he often used the same whip for the children and me that he used for the horses4 ,his condition grew worse and worse all the time4 ,the second summer three of the children had typhoid fever4 ,after the first one had been ill for nine days1 we sent for a doctor according to the law4 ,he said1 ,your little girl has a straight case of typhoid well developed1 and it will take twenty-one days for the fever to break1 with the best of care1 if she lives at all4 ,i told him that my trust was in ,god1 but he ignored what ,i said4 ,my husband told him to leave medicine and ordered me to give it1 not because he had no confidence in divine healing1 but for fear of the law1 and to please the people4 ,she had never taken a dose of medicine in her life and wanted to trust the ,lord4 ,i submitted and gave a few doses4 ,god had given me witness that he would heal her1 and in three days she was sitting up and was soon up4 ,my husband was very angry because she was healed4 ,about two weeks later she took a relapse and was seemingly worse than ever1 but we trusted in the promise1 and she was soon all right again4 ,then two of the others contracted the disease1 but they were both healed in answer to prayer4 ,one day during the summer while ,i was in the timber praying1 a vivid impression came to me that ,god was going to deliver us out of that place1 and the name of the town where we should live was given me4 ,this was the same town previously mentioned1 near where ,i had lived during my childhood4 ,oh1 such rapture filled my soul6 ,i told my daughter1 and she said the ,lord had been showing her the same thing4 ,this scripture was given to me3 ,i know the thoughts that ,i think toward you1 saith the ,lord1 thoughts of peace1 and not of evil1 to give you an expected end4 ,and ,i will be found of you1 saith the ,lord2 and ,i will turn away your captivity 7,jer4 #bi3aa1 #ad74 ,we had never sent the children to school here1 as the people were so poor and of such a low grade morally4 ,i taught our children during the winter4 ,at the end of the second summer we began praying for shoes4 ,one day the children came from the mail-box with a pair for my oldest daughter1 and then in a few days a letter came from an unsaved woman whom ,i had never met4 ,she said3 ,i have some money from the ,lord and feel impressed to send it to you4 ,please write and tell me how to send it4 ,then we received from a sister a letter containing five dollars4 ,we had already begun to get ready to go to our future home4 ,we had a catalog1 from which we ordered as ,god gave us the means1 and seldom my husband knew anything about it1 for he would not have wanted us to have the money had he known it4 ,he seldom noticed how much sewing was going on4 ,the ,lord in many ways encouraged our hearts1 for there were fiery trials awaiting us4 ,a neighbor had moved away and hired my husband to dig his potatoes and sweet potatoes4 ,the enemy had such control of my husband that he could not be honest4 ,my daughter helped to dig them1 and he told her not to take any pains to get them all1 but she did her best4 ,he brought nearly half a bushel of sweet potatoes home and told me to cook them4 ,i prayed to know what to do and received these words1 ,he that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not4 ,i told my husband that it was not right to keep the potatoes and that ,i could not cook them4 ,he flew into a rage and threatened to kill me1 and would not allow me to come into the room where the rest were until the light was out and they had gone to bed4 ,it seemed the enemy and all his hosts wanted to take my life4 ,i cried earnestly unto the ,lord to give me something to comfort my soul1 and he brought to my mind the three ,hebrew children4 ,a week passed and the man returned for some of his belongings4 ,it was dark when he passed1 and he was drunk4 ,my husband went out and talked1 and no doubt smoothed it over about the sweet potatoes4 ,when he came back1 he said to me1 ,i told you it was all right about those potatoes4 ,i did not say anything1 but did not feel right about it4 ,the next morning before daylight1 he wanted me to cook those potatoes4 ,i refused and told him ,i could not cook them4 ,then the battle was on worse than ever4 ,he struck me and wanted me to leave the house1 and followed me with a club until ,i was outside the yard1 and then told me to move on4 ,i went out into the timber and remained there1 and the children brought me some wraps and something to eat4 ,then he ordered the sister who was with us to leave1 and she packed a few clothes in a suit-case and came down the timber to see me4 ,we parted in good courage4 ,this sister had1 before this happened1 received many calls to go elsewhere4 ,one call was from her brother1 who offered her a good home and support during the rest of her life4 ,she went to a neighbor who had given her an invitation and stayed two days1 and from there to another place1 where she stayed a few days and worked for her board4 ,while she was on the way1 the ,lord gave her this assurance3 ,trust in the ,lord1 and thou shalt be fed4 ,while she was there1 not knowing what to do next1 and being taunted by the enemy because she had not accepted her brother's offer1 the ,lord seemed sweetly to whisper to her1 these words3 ,this is the way2 walk ye in it4 ,she heard of a place where they might need some one4 ,it was very muddy and there was a drizzling rain1 but she went4 ,when she arrived at that place1 she found they did not need her1 but the telephone rang1 and a lady who had been one of our opposers asked that she come and stay with her for a while4 ,the scripture had come to her1 ,inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren1 ye have done it unto me4 ,the woman turned friend1 opened the way for her to communicate with us and to get mail from the people of ,god4 ,she remained there about a week1 when an old lady desired some one to stay with her and gave her a home until the ,lord was through with her in ,arkansas4 ,but returning to my experience in the timber1 ,i did not know whether ,i should be allowed to return home or not2 but trusting ,god1 ,i returned in the afternoon and was not molested1 excepting a tongue-lashing4 ,not long after this our two grown sons came home on a visit1 and my husband told them awful things about me1 which they believed1 and turned against me and doubled the persecution4 ,they searched the house for books1 ,bibles1 and papers1 and burned them before us1 also pictures of our friends4 ,then they tortured the little girls1 trying to make them promise that they would not be ,christians like their mother4 ,those dear boys who had stood by me in the past6 ,how ,i thanked ,god for grace sufficient in time of trial and for the privilege of loving and praying for them4 ,in ,july of our last summer there1 my eldest daughter said1 ,i just feel like packing my trunk to go to ----4 ,it was the town ,god had shown us should be our home4 ,the next time she went for the mail1 there was a letter from a sister in the town1 saying that ,god had taken sleep from two sisters and told them to send for her1 and enclosed a check for her fare4 ,she soon afterward went to that town4 ,sometime after this1 while the second daughter was driving for her father while husking corn1 she ran into a stump and broke the wagon-tongue4 ,such an occurrence endangered their lives1 but two men coming along just at that time spared her somewhat1 and her father sent her to the house4 ,i prayed until my faith rested on the promise for protection4 ,that night after ,i had gone to bed1 ,god inspired me with beautiful thoughts of heaven1 and ,i got up so softly and took a pencil and paper and wrote this poem in the dark4 ,i can not refrain from saying here1 ,praise the ,lord for these precious things in time of trial6 ,,my ,,beautiful ,,home ,though poets may sing of the streets of pure gold ,and talk of its mansions so fair1 ,after all it is naught2 the half is not told ,of my beautiful home over there4 ,man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard1 ,nor can he e'er picture the scene2 ,the music's so rare no one can record ,the strains of the faithful1 ,i ween4 ,though art has portrayed fair angels of light ,in tints that enrapture the mind2 ',tis grander by far in my home ever bright1 ,where the glory of ,god is enshrined4 ,no2 ear hath not heard1 and eye hath not seen1 ,any thing that will ever compare ,with the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene1 ,of my beautiful home over there4 ',tis only by faith that gleams from the land1 ,where they need not the light of the sun1 ,can brighten the life or lighten the pain ,of those who will hear the ,well done4 ,some day when my toiling and trials are o'er1 ,i shall see the fair angels of light2 ,on their wings they will bear me across to that shore ,where my faith will be lost in the sight4 ,on the night of ,november #bb the children and ,i were alone1 and ,i was wonderfully impressed with the scripture in ,isa4 #de3b1 #c4 ,it came to me three times during the day4 ,the next morning1 being ,sunday1 we were still alone4 ,the children were singing ,what a ,mighty ,god ,we ,serve1 when ,i heard a crackling noise and1 looking up1 saw the house was on fire4 ,i looked to the ,lord for presence of mind1 and we went to work getting things out4 ,one of the children said1 ,this is what your scripture was for4 ,perhaps this is for our deliverance4 ,i realized the presence of the ,lord in the whole affair1 and he wonderfully helped us to save all the things of importance1 and just as the fire was getting so hot that it seemed we could do no more1 a man came along and helped us4 ,there was an empty house nearby1 into which we moved4 ,the people decided to help my husband build another house1 and they began work4 ,thus1 it appeared that we should have to remain there always2 but the children and ,i took no notice of it4 ,i told the ,lord he knew there was more clothing we needed yet1 and asked him1 to give me1 when it was time1 the money to get the goods4 ,in a short time ,i received it1 and we were busy sewing until late at night1 and the ,lord gave me such a glorious assurance of deliverance4 ,i had two trunks packed full1 mostly with clothing4 ,husband said one day1 ,i believe ,i will trade the place4 ,i did not know what to say1 as ,i knew ,god was doing the managing4 ,in a few days he traded it and decided to go about twenty miles north and rent some land4 ,this was about the first of ,february1 and he wanted to start in ,march4 ,the man who owned the house where we were living1 came and wanted it1 and so we put up a small tent to live in the rest of the time4 ,it began raining and rained hard the most of the time for two or three weeks4 ,everything was so damp1 but ,god's hallowed presence made all things bearable4 ,my husband planned to take two teams and have me drive one4 ,i knew almost nothing about driving1 and the roads were as bad as they could be1 up and down mountains1 over rocks1 and through mud1 and ,i could scarcely make a move of any kind to please my husband4 ,he also decided to take twenty-nine goats1 which he intended having the children drive4 ,the morning we started ,i had been sick all night1 and it began raining and the wagon sheet began to leak2 but ,i kept trusting1 and it stopped raining4 ,our first interesting experience was the horses balking in the river4 ,it took about an hour before we got out4 ,no damage was done1 however1 except that ,husband found a roll of papers which ,i had intended for distribution1 and threw them into the river4 ,we camped near a house that night4 ,the next morning ,husband said1 ,unpack that box and leave the dishes here1 for we are too heavily loaded4 ,the box had been packed with care and contained some of my best things1 and about two sets of dishes which had scarcely been used4 ,he left them with some other things4 ,one of the girls who had walked the day before became ill4 ,we started on our way up a mountain slope1 which was a distance of three miles4 ,after we had gone a short distance1 my husband said1 ,i am going back and unload some of these things4 ,he proceeded to throw out the bedding and other things on the wet ground and1 leaving us1 went back and left the trunks with the dishes4 ,both trunks were unlocked and there were so many people who could not be trusted4 ,i had taken the address of the people with whom ,i left the dishes4 ,we had no clothing left except what we had on our persons1 and a few things ,i had felt impressed to keep out before we left home4 ,the trunks contained all the clothing for our future home1 so ,i believed that ,god would take care of them4 ,the roads could not have been worse nor more dangerous4 ,some places were so steep and one-sided that it seemed the wagon might fall over1 and the mud-holes were terrible4 ,the team which ,i was driving gave much trouble1 as one mule pulled ahead and the other was slow4 ,husband expected me to keep them even and drive with one hand1 and he quite often gave me a lick with the same club with which he whipped the mules4 ,two of the children were sick1 and the jolts of the wagon were very hard on them4 ,while passing through some of these experiences1 the words of ,paul came to me1 ,in perils often2 a night and a day have ,i been in the deep1 and the song1 ,anywhere with ,jesus ,i ,can ,safely ,go4 ,i must say1 ,praise the ,lord1 for he helped my faith to rise above the situation and healed the children and protected our lives4 ,my husband failed to find any land to rent or work1 so we kept going4 ,two of the children were still walking and driving the goats4 ,on account of the limited space ,i can tell but very little of their experiences along the way4 ,one circumstance1 however1 that gave us much concern was that there were many streams to cross1 and at one place by driving the goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to cross the stream several times1 and they were required to take the mountain-side4 ,it was steep and above the river4 ,sometimes they would slide and have considerable difficulty in stopping1 and the goats would run up the mountains1 jump on rocks1 and cause trouble4 ,my husband drove on and would not wait for them at the bridge1 which was about a mile from where they started1 and it was some time before ,i saw them again1 a time of great anxiety4 ,it was one of the times when ,i had to trust the ,lord to take care of them4 ,after the children had driven the goats about two weeks1 my husband sold them4 ,one day about four weeks after we left our home1 ,i heard my husband tell a man that he was going to ----4 ,this was the town the ,lord had shown me would be our future home4 ,you will remember that our clothing was left behind1 so that our appearance was not presentable2 but ,i deepened my consecration and told the ,lord that if he wanted us to go in such a plight1 ,i could say amen4 ,before we arrived1 he opened the way for us so that we looked quite presentable1 considering the fact that we were traveling4 ,a week before our arrival1 ,i wrote for the trunks to be sent to the town4 ,we arrived in safety4 ,three weeks after ,i wrote for our goods1 they had not arrived1 and so ,i wrote again4 ,we received a letter from the people saying that they had moved and left the trunks in the house1 which was not locked4 ,we gave them the dishes and other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad1 and upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as ,i had packed them4 ,we were now glad to be with the dear people of ,god and to know that the captivity was turned4 ,my husband began telling the usual stories1 but they were not received even by his own people4 ,he became very miserable and alarmed about his own safety on account of the people4 ,he left the town1 and has never been heard from4 ,during these years of trial1 many hours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the dark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his future life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the ,lord and the presence of the ,almighty4 ,i do not know what the future holds in store1 but ,i am expecting some good things from ,god1 whether or not my pathway is strewn with trials4 ,in relating this experience1 ,i have been obliged to omit many things that could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who are passing through similar trials1 as there are so many experiences that would not be advisable to publish4 ,i believe that the good part may be a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the sad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of ,god4 ,my dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead of suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost1 had he only been obedient to the ,lord and walked in the light of his ,word4 ,the sister who was in ,arkansas is with us1 and we are working together for the ,lord4 ,i have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the ,lord and have been better able to understand the words of the ,psalmist1 wherein he said1 ,teach me thy way1 #j ,lord1 and lead me in a plain path1 because of mine enemies4 ,deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies3 for false witnesses are risen up against me1 and such as breathe out cruelty4 ,i had fainted1 unless ,i had believed to see the goodness of the ,lord in the land of the living4 ,wait on the ,lord3 be of good courage1 and he shall strengthen thine heart3 wait1 ,i say1 on the ,lord4 ,experience of a ,school-,teacher in ,india ,,experience ,,number #af ,the message of the cross is the same in every clime4 ,the ,spirit of the ,lord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth4 ,in the year #aijd there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings in the ,punjab district in northwestern ,india4 ,an intelligent young lady1 a native school-teacher1 offered her services as interpreter one ,sunday while ,i preached on the subject of the ordinances of the ,bible4 ,she became very much interested in the story of the cross1 and as the prophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of ,isaiah1 she was much affected4 ,after interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of the crucifixion-scene and the story of how the ,savior gave his life for the salvation of those who are lost in sin1 she suddenly stopped1 began wringing her hands1 and fell upon her knees4 ,in the bitter anguish of her soul she cried1 ,o ,lord6 ,i am a sinner6 ,i am a sinner6 ,have mercy upon my soul6 ,for a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting4 ,her efforts were with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able to realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith1 and received a witness to her soul that the ,lord ,jesus was now her ,savior4 ,she arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of spirit1 realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he said that the gospel of ,christ is the power of ,god unto salvation to every one that believeth4 ,unconquered ,will ,won by ,love ,,experience ,,number #ag ,some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded1 ,which find but pleasant ways1 ,but they are few4 ,far more there are who wander ,without a hope or friends2 ,who find their journey full of pains and losses1 ,and long to reach the end4 ,yet if1 like ,elisha's servant1 we could open our blind spiritual eyes1 how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the wounds and thorns and crosses4 ,if ,i had but the power to tell of some such experiences of my own1 ,i feel it might encourage some other soul to surrender fully to ,god a life that otherwise has been a failure4 ,there is no doubt that ,god has ministering servants ever ready to wait on the soul that surrenders to his will4 ,the difficulty is always the unsurrendered will4 ,when ,i was about fourteen years old1 an evangelist came to our town to preach a full salvation1 one that saves from sin and sanctifies the soul4 ,the ,holy ,spirit was working in many hearts4 ,one evening as ,i was riding home facing the west at sunset1 ,i beheld1 in the shifting of the clouds1 a huge black cross4 ,it stood there between me and the sun4 ,i thought of ,jesus dying on the cross1 and that seemed very fitting1 though of course very sad4 ,as this cross remained there1 it impressed me more solemnly1 until ,i began to realize that there might be a cross for me also4 ,but ,i said3 ,life is what we make it4 ,i do not want crosses2 ,i choose other things4 ,at last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped the cross1 and in my heart ,i knew that without the cross there would be no crown4 ,the difficulty had arisen between me and ,god4 ,his ministering servants were ready to spare me the pains and losses1 but my will was not surrendered4 ,i would not bear the cross4 ,another warning came to me a few nights later1 when ,i was invited to the home of a friend to attend a dance4 ,i thought of the meeting and its solemn significance1 and felt uneasy about going4 ,i wanted to please ,jesus1 who had borne the cross for me1 but ,i justified myself in going because the crowd was select4 ,i went to my room thus battling with my conscience4 ,i knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably to be the presence of some one in my room4 ,i looked up1 and it seemed that ,i could see the smiling face of ,jesus4 ,sweetness filled my soul1 and the room was full of joy4 ,all earthly pleasures faded away4 ,i had no desire for anything now but this captivating ,jesus4 ,my heart was enraptured4 ,christ1 ,i realized then1 was sufficient4 ,this1 you see1 was given that ,i might understand how ,christ might make all crosses easy to bear4 ,to be sure1 this impression sank deep1 and ,i have never forgotten it1 but my will was yet unsurrendered and unconquered4 ,i would not come when called in sweetest tones4 ,in a journey full of pains and losses1 without hope or friends1 ,i walked life's track4 ,god did not have his way1 but ,i had mine4 ,often1 so often in the years that followed ,i remembered the last night of the revival that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts4 ,at the close of the last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me4 ,i was confused4 ,i had not decided what to do4 ,i did not want to cast my lot with these people2 ,i wanted to join a more fashionable church4 ,as she approached me1 ,i whispered to her1 ,i am going to join the other church4 ,she said1 ,be sure your heart is right1 but ,i was not sure4 ,perhaps if ,i had had more teaching about surrendering my will to ,god1 ,i would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that laid hold upon me from that time4 ,i was powerless in the hands of these unseen foes4 ,everything went against me4 ,my life was ruined4 ,there was no hope4 ,despair was my companion for years4 ,sickness and disease possessed my body1 and sin became my hated master4 ,could we but draw back the curtains ,that surround each other's lives1 ,see the naked heart and spirit--ah1 if we only could6 ,if we knew--alas6 and do we ,ever care to know ,whether bitter herbs or roses ,in our neighbor's garden grow8 ,i attended many churches1 heard many noted preachers1 my soul suffering the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life1 but without a ray of light4 ,after years of suffering ,i finally discerned that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to ,god4 ,this ,i did with all my heart1 hesitating no longer to bear any cross he saw fit to send4 ,i made a full surrender1 and ,god gave me salvation4 ,at this time ,i had great need of spiritual advice2 for ,i was so ignorant of the laws of salvation that ,i did not know that when ,god had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart feel so new and light and happy1 he had made me his child4 ,i knew about as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen4 ,at last1 a very dear1 good woman became a mother to me4 ,she was the first person who ever asked me about my soul4 ,she taught me to talk about spiritual things and to understand them4 ,she taught me the lessons of truth from ,god's own ,word4 ,she showed me by ,god's ,word how ,i might live entirely free from the blight of sin1 how ,i might dress and eat and live to his glory4 ,it was all very new1 but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food ,i had ever tasted4 ,she taught me that by his ,word and promises he was able and willing to heal my mortal body4 ,physicians said my case was hopeless and that ,i could live but a short time4 ,i did not care to live until ,god showed me ,i might live for others4 ,then ,i was ready to bear my cross and ,god was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the pains and losses that brought grief and misery to my life4 ,blessings now fell upon my pathway4 ,when fever fastened itself upon me and my body was being rapidly consumed by its fires1 ,god instantly raised me up4 ,he caused me to forget the things of the past and press on4 ,whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow1 ,he said1 ',arise and shine6' ,he has given me a life victorious4 ,he gave me a companion and little children and over every adversity1 sickness1 and misunderstanding he makes me victor4 ,when my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind1 the ,lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an instant4 ,time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to ,god4 ,ah1 that he might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning6 ,it was not his will that ,i should suffer4 ,can we think that it pleases his loving heart ,to cause us a moment's pain8 ,ah no1 but he saw through the present cross ,the bliss of eternal gain4 ,an ,experience a ,hundred ,years ,ago ,,experience ,,number #ah ,i have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my ,god--the experience of his goodness to my soul4 ,i was fond of the gaieties and follies of the world until about fifteen years of age1 when ,i became awakened to the needs of my soul4 ,in all former seasons when ,god called me1 ,i was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear the reproach of the cross4 ,i wanted the ,christian's safety without his duties and crosses1 but ,i now fell at the ,savior's feet and inquired with trembling1 anxious words3 ,lord1 what shall ,i do8 ,i will part with everything or do anything for an interest in ,jesus4 ,i do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin1 but sorrow that ,i had lived so long in neglect of ,god1 not being willing to acquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness4 ,i did not obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks1 though ,i sought it with prayer and tears4 ,my burden had become exceeding heavy1 too heavy for my strength1 and ,i sank to the floor4 ,while kneeling there ,i was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the heavenly world4 ,in an instant darkness1 sorrow1 and mourning fled away1 and peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place4 ,i rose to my feet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear ,redeemer4 ,i was away from home with a family who were not ,christians1 though amiable1 kind friends4 ,i said nothing to them1 but they had noticed my distress and now observed the happy change4 ,among my private writings ,i find the transaction thus recorded3 ,january #ac1 #ahje4--;,i have this day publicly devoted myself to the service of ,god and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal ,king of heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world1 with whatever is displeasing in his pure and holy eyes2 to walk in his commandments and ordinances2 to seek his glory and the best interests of his church here below2 and in confidence of well-doing1 to look forward to a happy inheritance with the saints in light4 ,for a season ,i thought ,i was dead to the world1 but did not persevere in that course of consecration1 which alone secures unwavering hope4 ,as ,i was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed religion amid a large society1 naturally amiable and loved1 ,i had many temptations to return to folly1 which ,i mainly resisted2 but sometimes ,i went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to ,christ4 ,here ,i first experienced a diminution of my happiness4 ,i could not go from the circle of my folly to my closet and find my ,savior and hold sweet communion with him1 but with adoring wonder1 ,i remember that when ,i repented1 he forgave me4 ,when ,i returned to him1 he healed my backslidings and loved me freely4 ,after ,i was married1 ,i was anxious to train my children in the ways of the ,lord1 but through many cares and on account of having to work very hard1 ,i neglected their early religious instruction4 ,i found that ,i needed a deeper work of grace in my heart1 and when for the time ,i ought to be a teacher1 ,i had need that one teach me again the first principles of the oracles of ,god4 ,my prayer was1 ,create in me a clean heart1 ,o ,god1 and renew a right spirit within me4 ,i wanted to be freed from sin and thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity1 so that ,i should never vex or grieve him more4 ,for something more than a year ,i suffered much from the buffetings and temptations of ,satan4 ,i knew that ,jesus was near and sustained me in those conflicts1 although it seemed that he had left me alone to contend with the powers of darkness4 ,in the midst of these trials ,i had temptations of rebellion against ,god to call him unjust1 to reproach him for creating me4 ,the temptations came to contradict him4 ,i did it1 but oh1 the horror of that moment6 ,until then ,i had resisted every temptation1 as ,i thought1 but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath the mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of infinite wisdom and excellence and contradict him4 ,this1 ,i thought1 must be the sin for which there is no forgiveness4 ,but ,i could weep tears of penitence2 could sink at his feet and own it just4 ,what less could his insulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm6 ,but he did not do it4 ,not even a frown was upon his gracious brow4 ,it seemed that there was salvation for every sinner who had not1 like me1 contradicted him and thereby made him a liar4 ,i contemplated the glorious character of ,god and concluded that unless ,i could find evidence that my sin was against the ,holy ,ghost1 ,i should only be repeating that dreadful sin while ,i refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent4 ,i retired with my ,bible spread open before me and1 kneeling down1 read and prayed over the chapters in ,hebrews which represent the blessed ,savior as our sacrifice and high priest4 ,in the twenty-fifth verse of the seventh chapter ,i found this assurance3 ,he is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto ,god by him1 seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them4 ,here was something to meet my case4 ,to the uttermost ,i had insulted him1 but to the uttermost he could save4 ,i believed and here my soul entered into rest4 ,i embraced the promises1 rich and boundless1 as my own4 ,in ,christ ,jesus they are all there for me4 ,i felt and said with heaven-born confidence1 ,this is firm footing2 this is solid rock4 ,my feet are placed upon it to remove no more4 ,the view was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion 7if so it may be called71 but calm1 delightful1 strong consolation1 firmer than the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable ,word and oath of ,god in ,christ4 ,it was hope as an anchor to the soul1 both sure and stedfast1 and which entereth into that within the veil4 ,eleven years have passed since1 and my peace has been like a river4 ,in the world1 to be sure1 ,i have had tribulation and expect to have1 for ,jesus told me ,i should2 but1 blessed be his name6 in him ,i have peace4 ,i love the subject of ,christian perfection1 or entire sanctification in this life2 but ,i have not been fully able to reach the point to obtain that deeper experience4 ,yet ,i believe ,i perfectly desire to do the will of ,god4 ,may ,god bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are laboring to promote the sanctification of believers4 ,an ,indian ,mother's ,submission ,,experience ,,number #ai ,to show that ,god works the same in the hearts of his people wherever they are1 ,i wish to mention the experience of one of my ,indian sisters4 ,her little son contracted enteric fever4 ,every possible aid was given him1 but he continued to grow worse4 ,the fever caused him to become unconscious at intervals4 ,the parents then decided to remove him to a hospital1 that he might have skilled attention4 ,soon after being taken to the hospital1 he became entirely unconscious1 in which condition he remained for weeks1 yes1 for months4 ,he was unable to take nourishment in the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him1 as he was at the point of death yet did not die4 ,many who were not acquainted with the parents1 but heard of the case1 went to the hospital to see him4 ,the father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital1 but when weeks and months had passed1 they gave up hope for his recovery4 ,all the ,christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for him and felt that ,god only could restore him to health4 ,the parents knew a man who believed in divine healing and called him1 and he anointed the child and prayed for him4 ,he became so sick that the doctor thought he would not live until morning1 and asked the parents to remain at the hospital that night4 ,the next day the father and mother went for a walk together1 and while out walking he said to her1 ,we must become reconciled to losing our child1 for it seems ,god is going to take him4 ,at first the mother-heart could not yield to giving up the child1 but at last she became resigned4 ,soon after this the child regained consciousness1 but was weak1 and his mind was almost a blank4 ,he was like a new-born babe and had to learn to speak1 although he was about nine years of age4 ,some thought he would never be normal again1 and others thought he would be crippled4 ,since he has been restored to health1 when that mother sees him enjoying the right use of his faculties and limbs1 her heart is filled with thankfulness and praise to ,god4 ,she told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing their hearts closer to the ,lord1 and of enabling her to experience the sweet rest of being fully submitted to ,god1 whereby she was afterwards able to teach others the way4 ,just before this she had been urging a bereaved friend1 who was grieving too much over the loss of her father1 to become resigned to the will of ,god4 ,her friend said1 ,you can not appreciate my loss1 for you have never suffered such a loss4 ,she saw the force of her friend's remark and said no more4 ,but when the affliction came upon her child and she was called upon to become resigned to the will of ,god1 she came to know not only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great consolation in being submissive4 ,when her friend afterwards came to know of her submission1 she was very much affected4 ,both my friend and her husband feel that ,god has given them their child from the grave1 and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal they have come to love their ,savior more4 ,the ,conversion of ,my ,father ,,experience ,,number #bj ,the most precious experience in my life1 ,i believe1 next to my own conversion1 was the salvation of my own dear father1 for whom ,i had prayed a year and a half4 ,he joined the ,baptist denomination when only a young man1 but1 not having the real witness of sins forgiven1 never felt satisfied with his ,christian experience1 or rather his profession4 ,a few years later1 feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on in that condition1 he even dropped his profession4 ,eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the ,united ,brethren people and began to seek ,god4 ,night after night he went forward for prayer1 but for lack of proper instruction1 failed to find the peace he so earnestly sought4 ,a ,,discouragement ,one day in this great soul-struggle1 he called at the home of one of the ministers to know just how to get rid of the great load of sins he was carrying4 ,he was completely baffled and disappointed4 ,the minister said3 ,it is like this3 ,a man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his shoulders1 and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape1 it would leak out so slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize any difference in the weight of his load1 and only in the end1 after it had all slipped through a little hole1 would he awaken to the fact that the entire load was gone4 ,now1 just so it is with your burden of sins4 ,as you begin to seek ,god1 they begin to run out1 but you will not realize any change at first1 and it will take some time for you to realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully forgiven4 ,poor father6 ,he turned away sick at heart1 for he longed for an instantaneous work to be done in his soul4 ,through this discouragement he gave up trying to find ,god and for many years continued in that unhappy1 dissatisfied state of soul and mind1 although he often desired to be a true ,christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own peace of mind1 and yearned to be able to read his title clear to mansions in the sky4 ,in the spring of #aijf his brother and family came to make us a short visit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a foreign country4 ,for some months they had been especially burdened that at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed the ocean to their mission field4 ,their pure1 holy lives made a deep impression upon me1 and through their earnest prayers and fastings for my poor soul1 ,i was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the ,lord4 ,i was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble people of ,god who worship him in spirit and in truth1 and to become one of them4 ,i had a feeling1 however1 that my father might be displeased with me for making such a decision2 but when ,i met him a few weeks later1 my soul leaped with joy1 for he expressed himself as being glad that ,i had given my heart to ,god1 and even made a favorable expression concerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of ,god4 ,from this time ,i was much encouraged and determined to do what ,i could to help win my father and other loved ones to the ,lord4 ,i often read to him from the ,bible and explained passages of ,scripture as best ,i could1 especially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin4 ,being a school-teacher1 my work called me away from home much of the time1 but the burden continued for the salvation of my father4 ,,efforts ,,by ,,mail ,a year after the ,lord saved me1 ,i went to a distant city to engage in the work of the ,lord4 ,one day ,i wrote a few words of exhortation to my father on the blank space of a little tract entitled ,prepare for ,heaven1 and sent it with an earnest prayer that the ,spirit of the ,lord would apply the little message to my father's heart4 ,in answer to this letter1 he wrote me thus3 ,my ,dear ,daughter3 ,i would give this whole world1 were it mine to give1 for this great salvation which you possess and are writing about4 ,then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his miserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right with ,god4 ,he closed by asking me to pray ,god to send heavy conviction upon him4 ,it is needless to say that ,i became more earnest in praying and fasting for his soul4 ,i felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter4 ,not only did ,i feel my inability to do so1 but for lack of time deferred writing until ,i met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly1 and then one day when ,i was unable to go about my work1 ,i was reminded of my opportunity of writing to father4 ,as ,i began writing and pouring out my heart to him1 the blessings of the ,lord rested upon me insomuch that it seemed ,i could write scarcely without effort2 and as ,i mailed the letter1 it was with an earnest prayer that the ,lord would prepare my father for all that was written4 ,some time later my father told me that he received this letter one morning before breakfast1 and that although the letter was very lengthy1 he sat down by the cook-stove and read it through4 ,he said he marveled at it1 for he had not believed that ,i was capable of writing the things that it contained4 ,i do not remember what all ,i wrote1 but ,i do praise ,god that the letter had the desired effect4 ,strange to say1 though tobacco was not mentioned in the letter1 yet when he had finished reading it1 he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing that had almost become his constant companion1 and holding it up before throwing it into the fire1 said to my mother1 with the tears streaming down his face1 ,i'll never touch it again if it kills me4 ,thank ,god1 who had enabled him to make that determined decision4 ,it meant much to him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to ,god4 ,i had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so enslaved him4 ,he had even gone as long as six months without it in his earnest efforts to break loose2 but1 sad to say1 at the end of that time he had come to the end of his strength1 and1 not having ,god to help him1 he was compelled1 it seemed1 to fully surrender again to the enemy and thus become more deeply enslaved4 ,now his decision was very definite1 and in response to his earnest entreaties to the ,lord1 the abnormal appetite was removed4 ,the tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his heart before the ,lord4 ,as there was soon to be a meeting1 he said in his letter1 ,daughter1 will you please have those good brethren and sisters pray for me8 ,the ,bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much4 ,portions of his letter were read to the congregation1 and earnest1 fervent prayer was offered in his behalf4 ,at the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father4 ,upon our arrival we found ,father anxious to know the will of ,god1 that he might find real rest to his soul1 if possible4 ,he listened attentively to the conversation and instruction1 but it seemed that he was bound4 ,he had a desire to pray1 but said it seemed that he could not do so4 ,he also said3 ,the ,bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren1 and now ,i must know it4 ,we assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge1 but that it must come through faith4 ,after spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him1 we had to let the case rest1 and retired for the night heavily burdened for the deliverance of his soul4 ,the next morning at breakfast ,i could see that my poor father was suffering1 and his expression and pallor showed that he had spent a hard1 restless night4 ,surely the ,lord was granting the request made to me previously by letter1 that he might have a deep conviction4 ,his appetite being gone1 he soon left the table4 ,,the ,,surrender ,arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to the city1 a distance of fifteen miles1 where they were to begin a series of meetings4 ,he went to the barn to prepare for the trip1 and while doing his chores1 he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack1 but his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the blackness of despair he cried out1 ,o ,lord6 if ,i drop into hell the next moment1 let me go4 ,i can't stand this any longer2 and1 dropping his fork1 he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help4 ,the ,friend that sticketh closer than a brother was right at his side4 ,he heard that cry1 for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and laughing4 ,you are mocking ,god1 was his first thought1 and quite dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as he had just been doing1 but it was impossible4 ,his heart was so light and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate longer4 ,now1 strange to say1 this great change was all so simple and so sudden that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact that he had just been born again1 had just passed from death unto life4 ,still wondering over his changed condition1 he finished his morning chores4 ,he led two frisky colts out to water and afterward remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning4 ,while they drank1 he stood looking up into the heavens1 then out upon the meadows and general surroundings4 ,how beautiful everything appeared in the beginning of this new day6 ,suddenly there came into his heart such a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once2 but1 having those colts1 he had first to return to the barn4 ,then he came hastily to the house4 ,instead of being so borne down and dejected1 he came rushing through the front door laughing heartily4 ,as he caught sight of me1 the reality of the situation dawned upon him1 and he rejoiced in this new-found life--real ,bible salvation4 ,he stretched out his arms to me over a rocker that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me1 ,o daughter1 ,i believe6 ,before he could say anything more on account of his great rejoicing1 with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one hand to ,brother ,b4 on the couch and the other to ,sister ,b4 in a rocker near the stove4 ,then he said1 ,let us pray4 ,as we knelt in real thanksgiving and praise1 he began to pour out his heart in gratitude to ,god for salvation4 ,indeed1 he was no longer bound by ,satan but was free--yes1 a new creature in ,christ ,jesus4 ,when we arose rejoicing1 even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of ,god and gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the ,lord for this great victory4 ,,my ,,own ,,struggles ,,and ,,victories ,now ,i wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion4 ,all people do not receive this glorious experience in just the same way1 or always manifest it as did my father4 ,it was not my privilege at the time of my conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed2 but instead ,i let my faith waver1 and shortly after being saved ,i became seriously troubled with doubts and accusations4 ,just after my father had been rejoicing so happily1 the devil almost crushed me with the thought that perhaps1 after all1 ,i had never been saved1 as ,i had never realized such an experience as he had realized4 ,could it be possible1 ,i thought1 that even though ,i have been so burdened for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that ,i am not saved and never have been8 ,the very thought almost made me faint-hearted4 ,then ,i remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me1 and ,i knew that my life was completely changed1 as ,i had really lost the desire for worldly pleasure1 which ,i once so much enjoyed1 and had become interested in the things of ,god4 ,in reading my ,bible1 ,i saw that my life measured to its teachings so far as ,i understood4 ,therefore ,i took courage and tried to banish these accusations and leave my case with ,god4 ,but the enemy did not forget me1 and it seemed that ,i should be drawn back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself1 more especially as ,i listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about salvation4 ,it was evident that he thought every one must obtain an experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it4 ,my case was so different that finally ,i could suppress my feelings no longer1 and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his and that if it ought to be ,i was not saved4 ,never shall ,i forget that moment4 ,it meant so much to me4 ,i wondered if he would lose confidence in my profession and if it was really true1 and if it could possibly be true1 that ,i was yet unsaved4 ,these serious questionings were soon banished from my mind1 for he looked at me and said1 ,daughter1 ,i know you are saved4 ,your life has proved it4 ,thank ,god1 he did not doubt it2 so ,i took courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight again4 ,this experience was good for my father1 as it had a tendency to balance him so that he would not be too exacting with others4 ,since that time other members of our family have sought ,god for the pardon of their sins1 and with some of them the new life came in a calm1 peaceful way1 rather than with such emotional manifestations4 ,the leadings of the ,lord are wonderful1 and the riches of his grace in the ,christian life are inexhaustible4 ,my ,spiritual ,struggles and ,victories ,,experience ,,number #ba ,i was reared on one of the hilliest1 stumpiest1 and stoniest ,canadian farms ,i have ever seen4 ,how vividly there come to my mind my boyhood experiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses2 of stumping1 logging1 and picking stones until the skin was worn off my fingers and the stones were stained with my blood4 ,i then thought that mine was a very hard life1 but ,i have long since looked back to those boyhood experiences as ,god's way of providing me with a physique that has enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in ,british ,north ,america1 where the winds were intensely cold and where ,i was once for twenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero4 ,in sharp contrast1 ,i have been twenty-eight years in ,india's tropical heat4 ,this was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is ,god's general method with all his people4 ,when ,i was a boy of ten summers1 a boyhood friend of my father's visited him4 ,they were taking a walk1 and1 unnoticed1 ,i followed them4 ,then ,i overheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters1 but say of me1 ,frank will never amount to much4 ,my father vigorously protested and sang my praises until ,i made this resolution3 ,i must not disappoint my father4 ,i will do something worthy of consideration4 ,that hour ,i was intellectually awakened4 ,parents1 let your young people know that you believe in them4 ,about the same time our pastor preached a missionary sermon1 at the end of which he circulated a subscription4 ,when the paper came to me1 ,i said to my father1 ,may ,i subscribe8 ,he replied1 ,if you earn and pay your own money1 you may4 ,i subscribed one dollar4 ,i had it earned long before the collectors came around1 and wished either that ,i had subscribed more or that the collectors might come soon4 ,that subscription was the beginning which ended in my giving myself4 ,parents1 give your children a chance to link themselves definitely with ,jesus in saving a lost world4 ,,my ,,conversion ,when ,i was a boy of about thirteen1 my father said to me one evening at the setting of the sun1 ,water the stock4 ,soon some boys arrived1 and1 being a real boy1 ,i forgot my work and played4 ,a little later my father asked1 ,have you done what ,i told you8 ,yes1 father1 ,i replied4 ,he knew ,i had not1 and ,i even now recall that he said not a word but walked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a falsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of an old man4 ,the boys left1 and ,i watered the stock4 ,then1 boy like1 ,i forgot1 went to bed and slept4 ,during the next forenoon ,mother called me to her and said3 ,do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night8 ,i replied1 ,no1 ,mother1 ,i do not know4 ,why didn't he sleep8 ,mother's answer was1 ,your father spent all last night praying for you4 ,my saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow and rang like a bell in my ears1 and ,i became powerfully convicted of sin4 ,just following that a series of revival meetings were held which continued for several weeks4 ,i became a seeker and had no rest until ,i found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin4 ,i was the only convert during the meetings1 and critics said1 ,he will backslide in a few weeks4 ,the revival is a failure4 ,but ,i am here to tell the story that ,i am still saved by grace4 ,i could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer1 but he lived to see me become a minister1 a missionary1 and to hold the highest position on the mission field1 and then the ,lord called him to his eternal reward4 ,my mother entered into rest about two years previous to that time4 ,it is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of prevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as he did4 ,parents may not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their children and compel them to surrender to ,jesus1 but ,i do believe that my father prayed until ,god sent such conviction through the ,holy ,spirit that sin became such an unbearable burden that ,i gladly yielded my will to the will of my ,god2 prayed until my sins were pardoned1 the burden removed1 and ,i was genuinely converted4 ,i firmly believe that the same heavenly ,father will hear the cry of other parents1 and for their encouragement ,i leave this testimony concerning ,god's answer to my father's fervent prayers4 ,after my conversion ,i rejoiced many days in the delight of that precious experience4 ,for months ,i had a real and precious joy in the consciousness of pardoned sin1 but after a time ,i found that ,i did not have a continuous1 abiding peace and rest4 ,there was a longing for something more than it seemed ,i now possessed4 ,as a boy ,i tried very hard to be good1 and as ,i look back ,i believe that ,i lived a very correct outward life4 ,i lived among a very godly people1 who set a high ideal before me1 one to which ,i felt ,i could not live4 ,i observed my daily prayers1 but suffered many an inward defeat4 ,,my ,,spiritual ,,struggles ,i can not now recall that ,i ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or victory over the power of sin4 ,no person in the congregation where our family attended meetings professed holiness1 nor do ,i remember that the experience was talked about4 ,the people did speak of having religion and more religion4 ,there were people in the congregation whom ,i still believe lived holy lives1 and the testimony of their lives convicted me1 for ,i knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that ,i had not4 ,i therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life and was struggling all the time for an experience such as ,i knew others enjoyed4 ,the weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was1 ,i have just enough religion to make me miserable4 ,that is1 he had too much religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get it out of his religion4 ,i always felt that that man told the experience ,i then had4 ,for three years ,i endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory religious experience4 ,i then attended a revival and went forward for prayer night after night1 but no relief came to my poor burdened heart4 ,as my case became more desperate1 ,i recalled the story of ,jacob4 ,he prayed until the morning1 and at the rising of the sun the angel appeared and blessed him4 ,i spent several nights in prayer1 but found no relief4 ,,gaining ,,the ,,victory ,on ,saturday morning about sunrise ,i was on a straw stack in the barnyard with a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to feed the cattle4 ,while thus working and in a despondent1 meditative mood1 wondering what ,i could do1 there seemed suddenly to float out before me in the air in illuminated letters1 ,john three sixteen4 ,i began to read1 ,god so loved the world4 ,i reasoned then that ,god so loved me that he gave his only begotten ,son4 ,all was clear thus far4 ,then ,i came to that all-inclusive word1 whosoever4 ,i stopped at whosoever and recalled the story ,i heard of ,richard ,baxter1 who said1 ,i would rather have the word 'whosoever' in ,john three sixteen than have ,richard ,baxter1 for then ,i should at once be tempted to believe it was for some other ,richard ,baxter4 ,i reasoned1 ,i know that my name is in that 'whosoever4' ,i then read on--believeth on him4 ,do ,i believe on him8 ,this was the next question to be settled4 ,during several years ,i had1 in competition for a ,sunday-school prize1 recited the whole four ,gospels4 ,in thought ,i ran over what the ,new ,testament said about ,jesus and cried out1 ,i believe every word of the gospel2 ,lord1 ,i do believe4 ,then ,i read on--should not perish4 ,quick as a flash ,i saw the weak place in my faith4 ,i had been believing on ,jesus1 but feeling that ,i should perish4 ,at that point ,i sprang to my feet on the straw stack and read it over again--,should not perish1 but have everlasting life4 ,then ,i saw that through doubt ,i had treated the promise as though it read should perish and not have everlasting life4 ,i cried out1 ,lord1 ,i will reverse it no longer4 ,i will believe it as it reads4 ,then ,i seemed to have another inspiration4 ,i had long been troubled about understanding what it meant to believe4 ,i had worked out a theory that if ,i could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see ,jesus on the cross1 that would be exercising saving faith2 and when praying1 ,i would find myself trying to do that4 ,i now asked myself this question3 ,how do you believe your mother's promise8 ,the answer was at once1 ,i believe because ,i believe in my mother1 the promiser4 ,the next moment ,i realized that believing ,mother's promises was not a mental effort and struggle such as ,i had been going through for years1 but a mental rest4 ,i just believed that her promise was true without any effort whatever1 not because ,i felt it1 but because ,mother made it4 ,then ,i cried1 ,jesus made this promise1 and ,i believe it4 ,then ,i waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling1 but no feeling came4 ,i then saw clearly for the first time that ,i was trusting partly in ,jesus and partly to my feelings4 ,presently the ,spirit showed me that feeling never saves any one1 that only ,jesus saves4 ,i remember that1 standing on the straw stack1 ,i cried out1 ,o ,jesus6 ,i put my all on thy promise1 and ,i will leave all with thee4 ,but alas6 again ,i waited for the feeling as a witness1 and was sure it would come1 but it did not come4 ,i was still trusting partly in ,christ and partly to feeling4 ,at last ,i turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud3 ,my ,jesus1 ,i stake my all on ,john three sixteen4 ,if ,i never have any feeling and if ,i am lost1 ,i will quote this promise before thee at the judgment and say1 ',i cast my little all upon it and trusted it1 but it failed me4 ,it is not my fault2 it is thine4' ,i had finally1 after years of struggling1 come where ,i trusted wholly in the word of the ,lord4 ,then suddenly ,i received a definite assurance and great heart-warming peace and joy4 ,at last the witness of the ,spirit was mine4 ,leaping from the straw stack1 ,i ran to my mother1 threw my arms around her neck1 and shouted1 ,mother1 ,i am fully saved6 ,i am fully saved6 ,up to that time ,i had not had any teaching concerning an experience of sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning such an experience1 except the testimony of the life of ,christians who were living it and professing it under another name4 ,there was in the congregation where ,i worshiped a sweet-faced1 white-haired saint whom we called ,mother ,robinson4 ,she had prayed a drunkard husband into the kingdom1 and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of ,christian experience1 and ,i want to bear my strongest possible testimony to the power there is in the testimony of a pure1 sweet1 and kind life4 ,now after years of study and hearing the testimony of many1 it is clear to me that during those years as a boy ,i prayed myself through to the abiding life and what ,i now believe to be the experience of ,scriptural holiness1 which1 as ,i understand it1 is such a freedom from sin1 self-will1 and selfishness1 and such a passionate love for ,jesus1 that the heart longs above all things for his approval1 companionship1 guidance1 and blessing1 and that gratefully and joyfully gives ,jesus in all things the preeminence4 ,thought ,he ,had ,sinned ,away ,his ,day of ,grace ,,experience ,,number #bb ,the enemy of souls has laid many plans and has many devices to deceive people and harass their minds and thereby cause them to bring unnecessarily heavy burdens upon themselves4 ,one of his common impositions is to make a person think that he has committed the unpardonable sin and that all hope of ever obtaining favor with ,god again is forever gone4 ,when such persons are told that they are laboring under a delusion1 and that there is hope for them2 that others have felt the same way and formed the same conclusion1 but afterwards learned that it was only a deception of the enemy1 and were able to renounce the delusion and obtain a good experience and keep it1 the answer in most cases is1 ,my case is different4 ,had ,i taken advantage of past opportunities when ,i had a chance to do so1 ,i might have been saved1 but now it is too late4 ,time after time ,i have labored with those who were sure that their cases were different from that of any one else1 and that hope was beyond their reach4 ,the situation and feelings seemed so real that no amount of reasoning or evidence to the contrary could change their minds until they became submissive enough to submit themselves to the mercy of ,god and accept advice and counsel and act upon it4 ,then they were very soon liberated from the oppressions of the enemy and set free by the grace of ,god4 ,one laboring under a deception frequently undergoes as deep suffering of mind and soul as if the situation and conditions were real4 ,a lady once received what was supposed to be an authentic report that her son had been killed in a railway wreck4 ,circumstances were such that she could receive no communication from him1 which apparently added evidence to the truthfulness of the story4 ,her mother-heart was grief-stricken4 ,in the anguish of her bereavement she refused to be comforted4 ,later she was told that there was a possibility of his having escaped death1 that he was probably yet alive1 and that evidence had been received to that effect4 ,no1 her feelings were too real1 her grief was too great1 for her to be deceived1 she declared4 ,one day her son arrived home sound and well1 and did not even know that there had been a train-wreck at the place whence the report came4 ,the mother then found that her sorrow and grief had been groundless4 ,she accepted the status of affairs1 cast aside the false report and her bad feelings1 and was happy4 ,not long ago ,i met an old acquaintance1 a man above seventy years of age1 whom ,i had not seen for many years4 ,at the time of our former meeting he was enjoying the blessings of a ,christian experience and was happy in the service of the ,lord4 ,through devotional neglect1 and perhaps for other reasons1 he began to entertain doubts concerning his spiritual experience1 and he questioned whether or not he had any right1 under the circumstances1 to lay claim to ,christian fellowship with those whom he knew to be spiritual4 ,he knew of nothing sinful that he had done1 and he needed not to waver in faith4 ,but the tempter was there to suggest that he had lost his experience and might just as well give up the struggle4 ,he then concluded that the brethren did not have confidence in him1 and therefore he dropped his profession4 ,his heart was still tender1 and he did not feel disposed to indulge in sin4 ,in a short time he made another start to serve the ,lord and tried to repent2 but1 having so little to repent over1 and finding it difficult to have the same earnestness as before1 he claimed the victory by faith1 but was soon in doubting castle again4 ,these up-and-down experiences continued for many months1 during which his spiritual realm was more down than up4 ,discouragement laid hold upon him1 despair followed hard on his track1 and the enemy whispered that it was of no use to try any more4 ,the way began to be more and more dreary4 ,occasionally1 however1 he was seized with a feeling of desperation to break loose from the state of lethargy into which he had fallen1 but alas6 his victories were of short duration4 ,these experiences were followed by the accusations of the enemy that he was possessed with devils4 ,brethren who prayed with him declared that such was not the case4 ,the darkest scriptures of judgment and everlasting destruction seemed to have been written for him1 and1 as he viewed the matter1 they exactly fitted his case4 ,he had doubted so often when it seemed the ,lord was offering a helping hand1 that now it was too late2 the last cord was severed1 the last ray of hope had vanished4 ,it was no difficult matter to believe that he had committed the unpardonable sin1 and that ,god had forever hid his face from him4 ,he resigned himself to the hopelessness of the situation1 to meet his fate at the end of his life here upon earth and spend eternity in the regions of the lost4 ,he spent a number of years in this condition4 ,at the time of our recent visit in a private home1 ,i felt much concerned about his deliverance from such a state and condition4 ,upon my approaching him on the subject1 he immediately informed me that it was useless to waste any of my efforts on him1 for his was a hopeless case1 as he had sinned against the ,holy ,ghost4 ,having met similar cases before1 ,i assured him that there was hope for him1 and told him that ,i could prove by the ,word of ,god and by his own testimony that he had not committed the crime that would cause him to be forever lost1 as he had supposed4 ,taking my ,bible1 ,i turned to ,heb4 #aj3bi1 which reads as follows3 ,of how much sorer punishment1 suppose ye1 shall he be thought worthy1 who hath trodden under foot the ,son of ,god1 and hath counted the blood of the covenant1 wherewith he was sanctified1 an unholy thing1 and hath done despite unto the ,spirit of grace8 ,have you trodden under foot the ,son of ,god as herein mentioned8 he was then asked4 ,no1 he replied2 ,i have never doubted that there is a ,god nor that ,jesus ,christ is his ,son4 ,have you counted the 'blood of the covenant an unholy thing1' that is1 that there is no more virtue in the blood of ,jesus ,christ than there is in the blood of a cow or some other unholy thing8 ,no1 sir4 ,i have never denied the power of the blood of ,jesus nor 'done despite to the ,spirit of grace1' he replied4 ,then1 according to the ,bible and your own testimony1 you have not blasphemed against the ,holy ,ghost1 nor1 as you say1 committed the unpardonable sin by sinning against the ,holy ,ghost4 ,you must forever cease to entertain the idea that you have committed such a sin4 ,he reluctantly admitted the truth in regard to that point1 but said1 ,there is such a thing as a man's going too far1 of trifling so with ,god that the ,spirit of ,god will no longer strive with him4 ,it was clearly pointed out to him that he had never reached such an experience and that he should cast aside his doubts and fears and call upon ,god1 and was assured that the ,lord would save him4 ,he then declared that he had no will of his own1 no power to exercise his will if he had any1 and was helpless4 ,i told him that any one who could read human nature would at once conclude that he was a man of strong will-power1 and that no doubt he frequently made others aware of that fact4 ,his wife said1 ,that is true2 he knows very well how to exercise his will-power4 ,he was then told to assert his manhood and take a decided stand1 to which he replied3 ,i have no manhood2 ,i have no power to assert myself in any way4 ,but1 ,i replied1 you have been in this town for the past few days1 and have asserted your manhood during your entire visit by acting the part of a perfect gentleman4 ,what you need to do now is to kneel with us here in prayer and yield yourself to ,god1 and he will save you the same as he has saved others who thought they were beyond the reach of mercy4 ,but my case is different2 my heart is hardened like stone2 ,i can not pray2 ,i have no feeling4 ,almost every one in your condition thinks his case is different4 ,if you act according to the instructions given1 you will soon be different4 ,your heart will be changed4 ,do your part in making the effort1 and the ,lord will help you to pray1 and you will have all the feeling necessary4 ,we knelt in prayer1 laid our hands upon his head1 and with a fervent prayer rebuked the deceptive and binding power of ,satan1 and asked the ,lord to save him4 ,he made an effort to pray1 but his few words were soon mingled with his sobs and feelings of deepest contrition4 ,a few minutes later he arose praising ,god for salvation4 ,his doubts and fears had vanished1 and his burden was gone4 ,he was once more a free man and had no more fears of death and the judgment4 ,the next day he returned home with a joyful heart4 ,i have frequently heard from him since that time1 and he has always sent a message concerning his victorious life4 ,there are many others who have been harassed by the enemy in like manner2 who have lost all hope of recovering their favor with ,god2 who think that they are different1 hard-hearted1 hopeless1 have sinned away the day of grace1 are under the control of ,satan1 or in some such like condition4 ,yet ,god in his love is extending mercy and only waiting for them to discard their deceptive ideas and accept his grace4 ,spiritual ,tests ,,experience ,,number #bc ,it is not always concerning temporal things and business affairs and such like that we are tested4 ,but it is the business of the enemy of souls to contest every step on the way to victory4 ,he will contest our salvation and1 if possible1 get a person to reason with him2 and when you reason with the devil1 you find him a good reasoner1 if you allow him to follow his own line of thought4 ,he will quote ,scripture1 and give plausible illustrations and logical reasonings4 ,but when he is met as ,christ met him1 with a ,thus saith the ,lord1 ,it is written1 and then told what is written and where it is written1 and such like1 he is not very long in taking his departure4 ,but just begin to reason1 and he will entangle you in argument until you find yourself badly perplexed1 unless1 like the ,master1 you give him a sharp rebuke and command him to take his departure4 ,perhaps it would be a benefit to some one for me to give a little of my own personal experience in this respect4 ,at the age of fifteen ,i was converted1 receiving a real change of heart4 ,the enemy of my soul was never able to deny that fact1 neither did he undertake it4 ,for about ten years ,i lived to what light ,i had1 and after that began to obtain more light in regard to entering into a deeper experience of divine life1 or entire sanctification4 ,i was away from home and had no one to teach me the way of holiness1 but the ,lord began to instruct me in his ,word1 and after a few months ,i was enabled to see just what the ,lord required of me in order to obtain the experience desired4 ,i had felt a hungering and thirsting for something more1 for a deeper experience4 ,i had been taught1 however1 that this satisfying experience could not be obtained until just before the time of death2 but as ,i read in the ,word that without holiness no man should see the ,lord 7,heb4 #ab3ad71 that we were to live in righteousness and holiness all the days of our life 7,luke #a3ge71 and that ,jesus in his last prayer 7,john #ag3ag-bj7 prayed that we might have that experience1 ,i began to see very clearly what my privilege was4 ,his ,word told me1 ,as he is1 so are we in this world1 and1 ,we ought to walk even as he walked2 and this was a closer walk with ,god than ,i had been accustomed to enjoy4 ,it was not long until ,i reached the point where ,i made a full consecration1 and died the death to the world1 and then1 like the apostles for whom ,jesus prayed1 ,i was in the world1 but not of the world1 having had that worldly disposition taken out of my heart4 ,when ,i reached the point where ,i positively knew that everything was laid upon the altar ,christ ,jesus1 then ,i realized of a truth that the altar sanctified the gift1 and my heart was cleansed from all unrighteousness4 ,the ,bible began to open up to me as a new book1 and as ,i went about my ,master's business1 doing his will as far as he made it known1 ,i had many rich experiences4 ,although1 being of a very quiet disposition naturally1 ,i could not leap and shout as some1 yet it was my privilege to be filled with all the fulness of ,god4 ,a few months later ,i was called by the ,lord to accept a responsible position in his work4 ,for some months everything went so smoothly that ,i had perfect victory all the way along and nothing that ,i could call a severe trial or battle1 because my eyes were stayed upon the ,lord4 ,but there came a time for advancing further against the enemy1 and the ,lord saw it was necessary for me to know more about a perfect faith and trust in him in order to deal with other souls4 ,so he permitted me to be tested1 to fit me for the work he had for me to do4 ,although my soul had been abounding in the riches of his glory for these months as ,i was busily engaged in my work1 one day a suggestion was made to me by a silent voice that ,i had not had any overflowing blessings for a few days4 ,this did not disturb me1 for ,i felt at perfect peace with ,god4 ,but soon the same suggestion was presented again and again4 ,finally the silent voice or impression came on this wise3 ,now you have been in this condition almost a week4 ,i felt that my soul during that time had been at peace with ,god1 and ,i was trusting my case in his hands4 ,i began1 however1 to search my consecration1 as the accuser suggested that there must surely be something wrong4 ,i began to search my heart1 and said1 ,if there is anything wrong1 ,lord1 ,i will make it all right1 and ,i asked the ,lord to search me4 ,feeling that all was fully in the hands of the ,lord1 ,i was about to dismiss the matter from my mind2 but this suggestion came3 ,if you were sanctified1 you would not have a lack of that great joy4 ,then ,i said1 ,lord1 if ,i am not sanctified1 ,i am willing to get sanctified4 ,so ,i began to reconsecrate myself to the ,lord1 and presently ,i realized that ,i was fully consecrated to ,god4 ,again ,i was ready to dismiss the matter1 but the voice said1 ,when a person falls from sanctification1 he loses his justification also1 because he must commit sin in order to fall4 ,yes1 ,i realized that was so1 and then came the words1 ,you are not saved4 ,i saw at once that it was the enemy1 instead of the ,lord1 talking to me1 and like a flash from heaven ,i rebuked him4 ,i said1 ,i know ,i am saved through the grace of ,god2 yes1 and sanctified1 too4 ,and ,i boldly declared it1 whereupon the enemy took his departure4 ,he saw that he was the one defeated1 instead of me4 ,the enemy had thought that because ,i was young in the ,lord's work ,i was unable to know his devices4 ,but the ,lord was a match for him1 and lifted up a standard against him1 instead of allowing me to be defeated and overthrown4 ,the ,lord knew just how far to permit me to be tried and tempted4 ,this experience has been a source of much help to me since that time2 not only for myself1 but in dealing with others4 ,the devil is sure to overstep the mark1 and we can have the victory over him as long as we keep our eyes stayed upon the ,lord4 ,and we can say like ,paul1 ,i can do all things through ,christ1 which strengtheneth me4 ,there are some who worry and fret and have an abundance of trouble when it is their own fault2 and if they would put forth as great an effort to gain a victory and keep it as they do to pet their troubles1 there would be a wonderful change and the enemy of souls would be defeated4 ,a few years ago ,i met a brother who was weighted down with trouble and sorrows much more than with the glory of ,god1 and was much of the time mourning over his trials and temptations1 until his lot did really seem to be a sad one4 ,during my ,christian experience ,i had been having sweeping victory over the powers of the enemy1 even through the severe trials and temptations1 because ,i had kept my eyes upon the ,lord1 and had looked for victories instead of trials4 ,in considering the case of the brother1 although ,i was young in the gospel work1 ,i concluded that if people were in such a condition it was their own fault1 and that ,i could feel as bad as any one if ,i desired4 ,so ,i concluded to experiment1 but first asked the ,lord not to permit me to fall into the hands of the devil4 ,accordingly1 though ,i had nothing whatever to feel bad about1 ,i threw myself on a couch and began to sigh and try to feel bad over something4 ,it was but a few minutes until ,i really did begin to feel miserable4 ,some one came and desired to know if ,i was in trouble1 but ,i turned away and would not answer4 ,in a short time ,i was feeling miserable enough to weep and moan1 and even bewail my condition4 ,i then went to my room1 fastened the door1 and began to call mightily upon ,god for deliverance from such a condition4 ,i had to put forth no little effort and take ,god at his word and gain the victory over the powers of ,satan4 ,i there learned the lesson that any one can feel bad and have a sorrowful time whether or not he really has anything to feel bad about2 but ,i never desired to repeat the experiment4 ,i have also found that ,god has power not only to deliver from such a condition1 but to keep the soul filled with glory even through the severest testings4 ,the ,confession of a ,murderer ,,experience ,,number #bd ,while traveling in evangelistic and missionary work a few years ago another minister and ,i met with a congregation in a ,western city4 ,when ,i entered the place of worship1 my eyes fell upon a woman sitting near the altar4 ,she was an object of pity because of her affliction1 which was of a very peculiar nature and noticeable at a glance4 ,although she was a stranger to me and began uttering such expressions as ,praise the ,lord6 and ,halleluiah6 yet ,i felt that ,i discerned a false spirit and was strongly impressed that she was possessed with a murderous and deceptive spirit4 ,at the close of the service we were asked to pray for her healing4 ,it was evident that she received no help1 and although she made a loud profession of religion1 my conviction was deepened that my former impressions were correct1 and furthermore that she was guilty of murdering an unborn child4 ,after the next service this woman and her husband invited me to their home4 ,i went with a prayer that ,god would send conviction upon them and save them from their deception and lost condition4 ,after spending some time in social conversation1 ,i began to talk with them about their spiritual condition4 ,at first there was some resentment2 for the enemy of souls had made them believe that it was no great crime1 in fact1 no crime at all2 that she was really justified in committing the deed2 that as no one else knew of it and was not likely to know1 she could cover her sin and go on with a profession as a ,christian and receive the fellowship of other ,christian people4 ,she was kindly told that she had a false spirit1 one foreign to the ,spirit of ,god4 ,she broke down and1 with tears streaming down her cheeks1 confessed that she had destroyed her unborn child1 and said that the affliction soon fastened upon her as leprosy did upon ,miriam4 ,not until the time of our visit did she fully realize the heinousness of her sin nor feel the weight of her guilt4 ,by justifying herself in the act and professing religion without repentance1 she had opened the door of her heart to deception4 ,but now as she became awakened to her real condition1 the enemy whispered1 as he has done to many others under similar circumstances3 ,it is too late now2 there is no hope2 for 'they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of ,god' 7,gal4 #e3ba74 ,she was told that those who do such things and cover their sins or continue to do them without forsaking them and without repenting are the ones who will not inherit the kingdom of ,god4 ,he that covereth his sins shall not prosper2 but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy 7,prov4 #bh3ac74 ,prayer was offered in her behalf1 the evil spirits were rebuked1 and she realized a gleam of hope for her deliverance1 not only from the deception into which she had fallen1 but also from her sin4 ,she began to realize that ,god was ready to forgive her and set her burdened1 repentant heart free1 and accept her as his child4 ,oh1 how unworthy she felt6 ,now came the question1 ,must ,i confess this deed to the church1 to my neighbors1 and to the world8 ,no1 the sin you committed was against yourself and against ,god1 ,i answered1 and it will do the church and the world no good to know of it4 ,in fact1 a knowledge of it might be an injury to some weaker ones4 ,you have confessed it to ,god and he has forgiven you1 and as no one else is injured1 there is no one else to whom it need be confessed4 ,when she had been made free from her guilt by the grace of ,god1 she could then come to him with faith for the healing of her body1 and she was delivered from her affliction4 ,another case was that of a gambler in one of the ,western ,states who had often been warned against the evils of gambling1 but who would not heed the admonitions of friends4 ,he continued his life of folly until the time came when1 in the midst of his revelry1 a contention arose between him and a fellow gambler4 ,the provocation was so great that both drew deadly weapons1 and to save his own life and at the same time to wreak vengeance upon the other man1 he fired the fatal shot1 and his antagonist fell dead at his feet4 ,immediately sorrow filled his heart because he had shed human blood1 thus making himself a murderer4 ,in a short time he was behind prison-bars to await trial1 and the following message was flashed over the wires to his brother3 ,i am in trouble2 killed a man today2 come4 ,brothers1 parents1 and friends came with their sympathy and tears1 money and influence4 ,court after court convened1 and from year to year the case was continued or sentence was rendered and suspended4 ,for a long time he was under sentence of death4 ,money and influence prolonged the case1 and the indications were that it might be deferred many more years if sufficient money was available4 ,it was while in that dungeon awaiting the fulfilment of the death-sentence that he felt the wooings of the ,spirit of the ,lord4 ,he read the ,new ,testament and wrote to us to pray for him4 ,he finally confessed his sins to the ,lord and found peace to his soul4 ,he then began to appropriate the promises to his own case for deliverance from prison4 ,god honored his faith and the faith of ,his servants who were offering earnest prayers that he might be delivered4 ,contrary to the advice of relatives and friends1 he dismissed all legal counsel and decided to place his case entirely in the hands of the ,god of heaven1 who delivered ,daniel out of the lions' den and ,peter out of prison4 ,in a short time his faith was rewarded by a message being flashed over the wires for the authorities to open the prison-doors and let him go free4 ,since then he has spent much time visiting prisoners and encouraging them to put their trust in the ,lord1 who is mighty to save4 ,making a ,complete ,surrender ,,experience ,,number #be ,from the time of my conversion in early life ,i longed to be useful in helping others to find the way of salvation4 ,but my inability and lack of talent was an apparent barrier1 and caused me to almost despair of ever being able to accomplish the desire of my heart4 ,though ,i felt that ,i was a ,christian1 yet ,i had a longing in my soul for a closer walk with ,god4 ,there were times when ,i had spiritual struggles within and without1 and ,i did not know how to be an overcomer1 as mentioned in the ,bible4 ,a few years later1 while living in ,ohio1 ,i was awakened to the fact that the ,lord had promised the gift of the ,holy ,spirit to his believing children and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein ,i could enjoy that great grace which was upon them all who were assembled at one place after ,pentecost4 ,my heart yearned for the experience that the people of those apostolic days enjoyed2 and as ,i read about how willing the ,lord was to give the ,holy ,ghost to them that believe1 and read that we were promised the ,comforter1 who would abide in our hearts1 ,i decided to have the experience4 ,my religious instructors gave me no encouragement2 for they had not attained to such an experience themselves and did not think it attainable in this life4 ,but undaunted1 and determined to have relief for my burdened soul1 ,i sought the ,lord earnestly to reveal to me the secret of obtaining that abundant grace which ,i was convinced was within my reach if ,i could only learn how to obtain it4 ,the time came when my prayers were answered1 and ,i was enabled to make a complete consecration to the will of ,god4 ,but before reaching that point1 ,i many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the ,lord in earnest supplication for that grace4 ,in the meantime ,i met others who had received it1 and ,i realized more than ever that what they possessed was just the thing for which ,i had been seeking4 ,there were yet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts4 ,my desire was to have such an outpouring of the ,spirit as would cause me to leap and shout the same as some others did when they received the ,holy ,spirit4 ,the second was that there was one thing which ,i had not fully yielded to the will of ,god4 ,regarding that thing ,i made a conditional surrender--that if ,god would give me the experience and then show me that ,i held a wrong attitude1 ,i would then yield the point4 ,i thought the ,lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience ,i had so long sought4 ,but he would not do so4 ,i began to submit myself to the ,lord more fully1 and he more clearly opened my understanding to his ,word and more definitely shed rays of light upon my pathway concerning the point in question2 then came the words of ,jesus1 ,walk in the light while ye have the light1 lest ye go into darkness4 ,my duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun4 ,there was no rebellion in my heart1 the surrender was complete1 and ,i could with confidence say that my consecration reached the will of ,god on every point1 regarding all the things ,i could call to my mind and also everything that might present itself in the future4 ,there was no doubt concerning my having made what we sometimes call a ,bible consecration4 ,then ,i realized that ,i had a right to claim the promise and receive its fulfilment4 ,as ,i did so1 laying claim to the promise as mine and declaring the work was done because the ,word of ,god said so1 that whatever touched the altar was made holy1 ,i knew that by faith ,i had touched the altar1 ,jesus ,christ1 and was made holy4 ,i had become willing to receive the blessing in any way that the ,lord saw fit to bestow it4 ,just at the time that ,i claimed the blessing as mine1 quietness reigned4 ,it did not cause me to leap and shout as ,i had been expecting1 but in a quiet manner the ,holy ,spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul4 ,i learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses is not dependent upon outward demonstrations of the body4 ,while one may leap and shout1 another person of a different temperament may remain quiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life4 ,although many years have passed1 yet ,i have never once doubted the work wrought in my soul at that time4 ,amidst the deepest trials of life1 sorrow1 sickness1 and adversity1 ,i have found a sweet solace by trusting all away with ,him who understands our every need4 ,dark days and shadows of life may come1 trials and temptations may present themselves on every hand1 the soul may be weighted down with burdens that are heavy to bear1 and accusations of the enemy and hours of severe testing may come like a flood2 yet for the trusting soul the ,spirit of the ,lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead onward to victory4 ,to me the ,lord has been a very present help in trouble and a friend in time of need4 ,when ,i see others struggling along and yearning for that experience wherein their souls can be satisfied1 my wishes are that they make an unconditional surrender1 know without a doubt that their consecration is complete and that they are in all points consecrated to the will of ,god4 ,it is then that the promise can be claimed and the fulfilment realized4 ,the greatest sinner on the face of the earth can find pardon through the atonement of ,jesus ,christ by forsaking his sins1 confessing them to the ,lord1 and believing on him for deliverance4 ,in like manner every believer can be filled with the ,holy ,spirit and abound in the riches of the grace of ,god4 ,interesting ,narratives and ,helpful ,instruction ,success and happiness in the ,christian life do not always depend upon favorable surroundings2 under the most adverse and trying circumstances men and women have made the greatest strides in spiritual advancement and power4 ,there may be occasional sorrows and suffering along the way1 but shall these things cast a gloom over our lives1 even though at times they be prolonged and severe8 ,by no means should we allow opposition1 persecution1 sorrow1 suffering1 mistakes1 blunders1 failures1 and such like to cause defeat and a giving way to discouragement4 ,the discouraged person is no good1 no matter where you find him4 ,we must rise in the midst of our trials and in the name and strength of the ,lord shake off discouragements4 ,trials will come1 but what of it8 ,others have had just as severe trials1 and have surmounted them1 and you and ,i can do the same4 ,there will be times when oppressions will be felt that seem grievous to bear2 when even the humble followers of ,christ will feel that the lines of communication between them and the ,lord have been severed2 when prayers will seem to fall to the earth and the heavens seem as brass1 and the burdened soul will cry out for help when there seems to be no help4 ,at such times there needs to be a patient waiting upon the ,lord1 heart-searching1 and humble submission to his will4 ,under such circumstances it is well to heed the advice of the ,psalmist3 ,wait patiently upon the ,lord1 and he shall bring it to pass4 ,then is the time to trust and not be afraid4 ,it was at such a time that ,jesus felt that his burden was more than he could bear and asked that1 if possible1 the cup of suffering be removed1 that he might not have to pass through the severe ordeal that was facing him4 ,his humanity weakened and shuddered at the approach of the greatest trial of his life4 ,but he humbly submitted and said1 ,father1 not my will1 but thy will1 be done4 ,it was then that angels came and ministered unto him2 the gates of glory were thrown open1 the burden was gone1 and he could go forth as a captive set free4 ,as he left that place of prayer1 that place of victory1 it was to face the foe in the hottest of the fight4 ,although he was upheld by the unseen presence of the ,father and strengthened by the angels1 nevertheless in the darkest hour of the conflict he cried out1 ,my ,god1 my ,god1 why hast thou forsaken me8 ,but even in this final test he said1 ,father1 into thy hands ,i commend my ,spirit4 ,this was followed by the unprecedented glories of the resurrection4 ,what a wonderful lesson to us of submission and trust6 ,,failed ,,to ,,forgive ,,those ,,who ,,had ,,wronged ,,him ,an unforgiving disposition will hinder one from being humble or from reaching the necessary point of submission4 ,when ,stephen was being stoned by his persecutors1 his dying prayer was1 ,lord1 lay not this sin to their charge4 ,one ,sunday when ,i was conducting an inquiry-service in a ,state prison1 after ,i had commented on these words of ,jesus1 ,if ye forgive not men their trespasses1 neither will your ,father forgive your trespasses1 a prisoner arose and said1 ,for years ,i have sought the ,lord1 but never before have ,i known what hindered me from obtaining peace to my soul4 ,but now ,i see it is because ,i have held a grudge against those who have wronged me4 ,i forgive them4 ,peace came into his soul as he yielded this point4 ,,despondency ,,and ,,discouragement ,instead of counting your trials and indulging in dark forebodings1 throw away such feelings by counting your past blessings if you can think of no present blessings4 ,when ,paul and ,silas were in prison with their feet fastened in the stocks1 the pain in their lacerated backs no doubt often reminded them of the cruel treatment they had received at the hands of their enemies2 but they looked away from their trials1 and1 counting all things joy1 at the midnight hour they were rejoicing1 singing songs1 and praising ,god4 ,the result was marvelous4 ,had they set themselves to complaining1 they would have spent a miserable night4 ,a sister was once just at the point of throwing down her shield of faith and ceasing her efforts in serving the ,lord1 because of some difficulty which had arisen between her husband and one of the brethren1 and in which in a sense she also was involved4 ,she had always entertained implicit confidence in the brother1 but now said she could never have confidence in him again4 ,had it been some worldly person1 she could have overlooked the matter1 but to have one of the brethren make such statements was more than she could endure4 ,however1 she relented1 and before she could gain the necessary victory1 she had to make a decision to stand true to ,god regardless of the source of the trial4 ,at this point is where many fail1 not because the trial is greater than some other through which they have passed1 but because it comes from an entirely unexpected source4 ,,unnecessary ,,self-,,accusations ,a woman and her husband who were ministers were once drawn into a difficulty with others and had to call for aid in making an adjustment4 ,when the time came for a consideration of the matter1 she humbly and nobly did her part1 to the satisfaction of all concerned4 ,although there was nothing demoralizing about the case1 yet she felt very humiliated to think that she1 a minister1 should have thus become involved in such a contention1 and thought that the brother who was called to help in the adjustment would never have confidence in her again4 ,for four years she worried over the matter1 often losing sleep at night1 and felt herself gradually weakening in spirituality and courage4 ,one day she met the brother1 and he expressed himself as having had implicit confidence in her during the entire period of the four years4 ,immediately she took courage1 but she had needlessly undergone untold sufferings through accusations that were all imaginary4 ,worrying does no one any good4 ,it is useless to worry before a thing happens1 much less after it happens4 ,most people worry over imaginary things1 over things that never have nor never will come to pass4 ,a sister who had lived a godly life and had prayed for her family for years1 became much troubled because none of them would become ,christians4 ,she began to accuse herself of not being right in the sight of ,god1 but she was reminded that even ,jesus himself1 although he was the ,son of ,god1 was not able to have all his kinsmen and townsmen to follow him4 ,she then learned to leave the responsibility with her family and the ,lord after she had done all she could1 realizing that her soul was clear4 ,,troubled ,,about ,,making ,,confessions ,one woman was troubled over her past life1 feeling that she should make a public confession1 which would endanger the lives of others4 ,she said it seemed that ,god was far away from her4 ,upon investigation it was learned that her trouble was of such a nature that it would do her or nobody else any good to make such a confession1 but was a matter that could be settled only between herself and ,god4 ,not until she learned this could she have peace of mind and reach the place where she could find deliverance4 ,an actress was married to a respectable young man in ,ohio4 ,their home was an ideal one in the country4 ,three children graced their domestic circle1 and there was apparently nothing to mar the happiness of their ,christian home4 ,one day the wife and eldest daughter went to visit the pastor who had for years been their spiritual advisor4 ,he expressed his congratulations to her for her attainments in life1 pleasant surroundings1 and the extraordinary abilities of her children4 ,just before leaving the house of the pastor1 she requested a private interview with him4 ,when alone with him she said3 ,judging from outward appearances1 you have believed me to be a very happy woman4 ,but for many years my heart has been sad1 and ,i have constantly carried a heavy burden4 ,sometimes it seemed to be more than ,i could bear4 ,before my marriage ,i was allured into sin of a disgraceful nature1 but my husband believed me to have always maintained an irreproachable character1 and ,i have never told him otherwise4 ,since our marriage ,i have always been true to him4 ,many times during these years ,i have been just at the point of unburdening my heart by revealing to him this secret and placing myself at his mercy2 but somehow ,i have always been checked or prevented from doing so4 ,i have carried the heavy burden until ,i can carry it no longer4 ,please tell me what to do4 ,the wise old pastor1 with deep feelings of compassion1 said3 ,good woman1 you have carried an unnecessary burden all these years4 ,your husband knew nothing of your sin2 it will do him no good to know of it now1 but1 on the other hand1 a knowledge of it might bring an unnecessary burden upon him1 and cause his implicit confidence to give place to suspicion4 ,why should you thus bring feelings of reproach upon yourself and family8 ,they are a thousand times better off without a knowledge of it4 ,go bury it in oblivion2 cast it from your mind forever4 ,god has forgiven you long ago4 ,such matters are to be settled between you and him alone2 go and sin no more4 ,she obeyed and went forth a happy woman4 ,her burden was gone4 ,if all spiritual advisors were as wise as this pastor in giving instruction to those in need of help1 much suffering would be averted4 ,there are thousands of people today carrying heavy burdens that ,god has not placed upon them1 but has long ago forgiven because of their repentance4 ,such persons have allowed the enemy of their souls to unnecessarily burden them with accusations and false impressions4 ,these they should have cast aside1 declaring their freedom in the name of ,jesus4 ,,accused ,,god ,,of ,,not ,,being ,,just ,there are others who accuse ,god of not being just1 or blame him for not answering their prayers1 when the fact is1 their lives have not been such as would give them an assurance that ,god would answer their prayers4 ,a young sister who had for some time been drifting into worldliness was called to the bedside of her dying father4 ,she was much concerned about him and asked a special favor of the ,lord concerning him1 and because her request was not granted in just the manner requested1 she permitted her mind to be filled with doubts and infidelity4 ,she blamed ,god for not answering1 and then she began to have struggles with hardness of heart1 which she had never known before4 ,this caused her to become alarmed1 and she sought the counsel of a minister4 ,he cited her to #a ,john #c3bb--;,and whatsoever we ask we receive of him1 because we keep his commandments1 and do those things that are pleasing in his sight4 ,she acknowledged that she had not been living right1 and therefore had no right to blame ,god for not answering her prayers4 ,,when ,,the ,,tempter ,,comes ,,oftenest ,the tempter comes oftenest where the temptation has not been completely put away and where there is lack of decision against it4 ,many people are like the drunkard4 ,he desires to cease drinking1 but says1 ,just one more drink2 then ,i am done4 ,when that has been taken he says1 ,one more1 only one2 then ,i am forever done with strong drink4 ,such a determination will never loose him from the binding fetters4 ,the one who is bound by an evil habit or has yielded to the fascinations of an alluring spirit must make a positive1 definite decision1 in every way possible turn from the temptation1 and call upon ,god for help with a faith that will not waver2 then deliverance is sure to come1 and grace to be an overcomer4 ,,trials ,,made ,,stepping-,,stones ,,to ,,greater ,,victories ,the beautiful roses are protected by thorns1 many of which are hidden away beneath the presentation of beauty4 ,roses are not often plucked without the one who would enjoy their fragrance realizing a pain by being pricked in an attempt to secure the sweet-scented flower as his own4 ,just why the thorns are there we do not know4 ,many a young recruit looks with admiration upon the veteran skill of the soldier who has been through fierce battles and has come forth as a hero4 ,but his fame was not obtained without hardships and wounds1 as the scars which he carries give testimony4 ,about us on every side are veterans of the cross of ,christ1 those whose lives we admire1 whose experiences we covet1 but back of them no doubt are the pricking thorns in the form of trials1 which have proved to be stepping-stones to the beautiful life of faith and devotion and which have graced their spiritual pathway4 ,the roses are none the less fragrant and beautiful because of the hidden thorns beneath them4 ,neither is the life of a ,christian less brilliant and radiant because of the trials and temptations along the way4 ,the enjoyment of a ,christian life is what we make it4 ,the darkest1 saddest life ever known1 the most dejected person in existence1 the one who is surrounded constantly by infamy1 blasphemy1 and dark forebodings1 or that one whose life has been a failure and who through adversity is doomed to spend his days behind prison-walls1 can find a haven of rest in this life and in the life to come4 ,it is through the grace of ,god that such can be accomplished4 ,no matter what your sin is or has been1 you can have deliverance and peace that the world can not understand4 ,a firm decision and trust in ,god will take you through by his grace4 ,when trials come1 tell the ,lord about them1 casting all your cares upon him1 for he careth for you4 ,oh the riches of his grace1 the power of his love6 ,there is an abundance in the great storehouse of our heavenly ,father subject to our petitions1 and he offers his heavenly riches freely and his blessings to be poured out without measure4 ,now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think1 according to the power that worketh in us1 unto him be glory in the church by ,christ ,jesus throughout all ages1 world without end 7,eph4 #c3bj1 #ba74 ,let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace1 that we may obtain mercy1 and find grace to help in time of need 7,heb4 #d3af74 ,zion's ,bank ,the following quaint verses are supposed to have been written by ,roland ,hill at a time when public credit in ,great ,britain was shaken by the failure of several banks4 ,i have a never-failing bank1 ,a more than golden store2 ,no earthly bank is half so rich2 ,how1 then1 can ,i be poor8 ',tis when my stock is spent and gone ,and ,i without a groat1 ,i'm glad to hasten to my bank ,and beg a little note4 ,sometimes my ,banker1 smiling1 says3 ,why don't you oftener come8 ,and when you draw a little note1 ,why not a larger sum8 ,why live so niggardly and poor8 ,your bank contains a plenty4 ,why come and take a one-pound note1 ,when you might have a twenty8 ,yea1 twenty thousand ten times told ,is but a trifling sum ,to what your ,father has laid up ,secure in ,christ1 his ,son4 ,since1 then1 my ,banker is so rich1 ,i have no cause to borrow2 ,i'll live upon my cash today1 ,and draw again tomorrow4 ,i've been a thousand times before1 ,and never was rejected2 ,sometimes my ,banker gives me more ,than asked for or expected4 ,sometimes ,i've felt a little proud ,i've managed things so clever2 ,but ah6 before the day is gone ,i've felt as poor as ever4 ,should all the banks in ,britain break1 ,and that of ,england smash1 ,bring in your notes to ,zion's bank2 ,you'll surely have your cash4 ,and if you have but one small note1 ,fear not to bring it in2 ,come boldly to the bank of ,grace2 ,the ,banker is within4 ,all forged notes will be refused2 ,man-merits are rejected2 ,there not a single note will pass ,that ,god has not accepted4 ,this bank is full of precious notes1 ,all signed and sealed and free1 ,though many a doubting soul may say1 ,there is not one for me4 ,the leper had a little note-- ,lord1 if you will you can2 ,the ,banker cashed this little note1 ,and healed the sickly man4 ,we read of one young man1 indeed1 ,whose riches did abound2 ,but in this ,banker's book of grace ,this man was never found4 ,but see the wretched dying thief ,hang by the ,banker's side2 ,he cried1 ,dear ,lord1 remember me2 ,he got his cash and died4