,illustration3 ,brown ,bros4 ,,on ,,her ,,wedding ,,day ,the greatest charm of the bride's costume lies in its simplicity ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette ,,by ,,lillian ,,eichler ,,volume ,i ,,illustrated ,,nelson ,,doubleday1 ,,inc4 ,,garden ,,city ,,new ,,york #aibd ,,copyright1 #aiba1 ,,by ,,nelson ,,doubleday1 ,,inc4 ,,all ,,rights ,,reserved ,,printed ,,in ,,the ,,united ,,states ,,preface ,success without culture is like old-fashioned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream4 ,it has no flavor4 ,there are certain little courteous observances1 certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady1 the true gentlemen4 ,some of us call it good form4 ,some of us call it culture4 ,some of us call it etiquette4 ,but we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in4 ,in ,italy1 young men and women are considered ben educato1 not when they can read and write1 but when they know the established forms of convention--when they can show by a correct dignity and ease of manner that they are perfect in their knowledge of the rules of good society4 ,and1 after all1 don't you yourself judge people by what they do1 and say1 and wear8 ,don't you read in their manner and appearance the secret of their inner worth8 ,isn't character and disposition revealed in the outer personality8 ,perhaps you have heard the story of the gentleman who prided himself on being perfect in the art of etiquette4 ,on one occasion1 he passed a lake and heard a drowning man call for help4 ,quickly he threw off his coat and was about to plunge into the water1 when he suddenly remembered that he had never been introduced to the struggling victim4 ,putting on his coat again1 he proceeded on his way quite self-satisfied4 ,this is an instance where common-sense would have been the better part of etiquette4 ,too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity4 ,the purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us--as the peacock1 in its vanity1 parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously assumed4 ,the true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it4 ,that1 then1 is the purpose of ,,the ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette--to give to the reader so clear and definite an understanding of the social life that he will be able to have at all times1 under all conditions1 that unaffected grace and charm of manner that the ,french like to call savoir faire4 ,it has been written1 not for the exceedingly ill-bred or for the highly polished1 but for those who find a certain sense of satisfaction in doing what is correct--sincere men and women who1 in the performance of their business and social duties1 find that there is a constant need for cordial and gracious relationship with those around them4 ,if the following chapters awaken in the reader the desire for closer companionship with the vast world of human nature1 of which we are all a part2 if it takes from his nature all that is coarse1 awkward and unrefined1 substituting instead a gallantry of spirit and a gentleness of breeding2 if it makes him a more loving and a more lovable person--then ,,the ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette will have served its purpose4 ,incidentally1 the author is indebted to ,mr4 ,l4 ,e4 ,smith1 without whose coperation this book would never have been written4 ,lillian ,eichler4 ,,contents ,,chapter ,,page ,,part ,i ,i4 ,,introduction ,,to ,,etiquette #a ,what is ,etiquette8--,laws of ,society--,control of the ,impulses--,regard for the ,rights of ,others--,the ,danger of ,intolerance--,why it ,pays to ,be ,agreeable--,the ,simplest ,culture4 ,,ii4 ,,etiquette',s ,,reward #aa ,the ,origin of ,manners--,the ,manners of ,to-day--,good ,society in ,america--,the ,true ,lady and ,gentleman--,the ,secret of ,social ,success--,what ,manners ,will ,do for ,you--,etiquette's ,reward4 ,,iii4 ,,engagements #bj ,of ,special ,importance--,the ,proposal--,the ,engagement ,ring--,announcing the ,engagement--,the ,most ,usual ,method--,announcing an ,engagement in the ,newspapers--,engagement ,gifts--,bridal ,showers--,length of the ,engagement--,responsibility for the ,wedding--,families and ,friends4 ,,iv4 ,,wedding ,,invitations ,,and ,,announcements #ca ,the ,wedding ,invitation--,size and ,material--,kinds of ,envelopes-- ,addressing the ,envelopes--,invitations to ,church ,wedding--,invitation to ,home ,wedding--,wedding in a ,friend's ,home--,when ,cards are ,enclosed --,invitations to ,second ,marriages--,invitation to ,wedding ,anniversary --,informal ,wedding ,invitation--,acknowledging the ,formal ,wedding ,invitations--,whom to ,invite--,sending the ,invitations--,recalling the ,wedding ,invitation--,breaking an ,engagement--,returning ,gifts-- ,when ,death ,intervenes4 ,v4 ,,weddings #di ,the ,church ,wedding--,attendants--,the ,bridesmaids--,rehearsals-- ,regarding the ,ushers--,the ,wedding ,day--,arriving at the ,church-- ,wedding ,music--,the ,wedding ,procession--,the ,ceremony--,leaving the ,altar--,rice1 etc4--,the ,wedding ,reception--,the ,wedding ,breakfast-- ,the ,wedding ,present--,acknowledging ,wedding ,presents--,the ,home ,wedding --,the ,second ,wedding--,some ,important ,conventions--,seeking ,advice-- ,wedding ,anniversaries--,the ,silver ,wedding--,the ,reception--,tin and ,wooden ,weddings--,the ,golden ,wedding--,the ,golden ,wedding a ,glorious ,achievement4 ,,vi4 ,,the ,,bride',s ,,outfit #gc ,origin of the ,trousseau--,the ,trousseau of ,to-day--,about the ,linens --,for the ,bride--,the ,wedding ,dress--,the ,bride's ,veil--,wedding ,flowers--,dress of the ,maid of ,honor--,marrying in ,traveling ,dress4 ,,vii4 ,,funerals #hc ,funeral ,customs--,the ,funeral of ,to-day--,when ,death ,enters the ,family--,taking ,charge--,announcing the ,death--,some ,necessary ,preparations--,the ,ladies of the ,family--,the ,pall-,bearers--,duties of ,pall-,bearers--,the ,church ,funeral--,order of ,precedence--,the ,house ,funeral--,a ,point of ,importance--,removing ,signs of ,grief --,seclusion ,during ,mourning--,dress at ,funerals--,interment and ,cremation--,mourning ,dress--,mourning ,dress for ,men--,mourning ,stationery4 ,,viii4 ,,christenings #ajd ,announcing the ,birth of the ,child--,responding to the ,announcement-- ,godparents--,invitations to a ,christening--,a ,church ,christening--,the ,house ,christening--,after the ,baptism--,gifts4 ,,part ,,ii ,i4 ,,introductions #aac ,purpose of the ,introduction--,creating ,conversation--,when to ,introduce--,importance of ,care--,special ,introductions--,when the ,name ,isn't ,heard--,the ,correct ,introduction--,group ,introductions-- ,the ,chance ,introduction--,incomplete ,introductions--,indirect ,introductions--,the ,acknowledgment--,forms of ,acknowledgment-- ,future ,recognition of ,introduction--,introducing at ,dinner-- ,introducing at the ,dance--,introducing at ,receptions--,speaking without ,introduction--,introducing ,children--,cordiality in ,introductions4 ,,ii4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction #ace ,the ,letter of ,introduction--,presenting the ,letter--,acknowledging a ,letter of ,introduction--,model ,letters of ,introduction--,the ,card of ,introduction--,business ,introductions4 ,,iii4 ,,calls ,,and ,,calling ,,customs #adb ,the ,beginning of ,social ,calls--,when ,calls are ,made--,the ,proper ,length of a ,call--,the ,day at ,home--,dress for ,calls--,paying the ,first ,call--,calls of ,obligation--,about ,returning ,calls--,the ,call of ,condolence--,the ,call of ,congratulations and ,inquiry-- ,the ,social ,calls of ,men--,the ,invalid's ,call--,asking a ,new ,acquaintance to ,call--,the ,woman's ,business ,call--,receiving ,calls--,duties of the ,hostess--,receiving the ,chance ,caller-- ,when the ,host is at ,home--,taking ,leave of the ,hostess--,the ,evening ,call--,when ,gentlemen ,receive ,callers--,making a ,chance ,call--,informal ,calls4 ,,iv4 ,,visiting ,,cards--,,and ,,others #afe ,your ,card a ,representative of ,you--,general ,rules ,regarding ,cards --,size of ,cards for ,women--,size and ,material of ,cards for ,men-- ,titles on ,cards for ,women--,cards for ,widows--,the ,young ,lady's ,card--,indicating the ,day at ,home--,the ,married ,couple's ,card-- ,using ,jr4 and ,sr4--,titles on ,cards for ,men--,professional ,cards for ,men--,cards for ,mourning--,when the ,woman ,goes a-,calling--,when ,more than ,one ,card is ,left--,some ,more ,points ,about ,calls and ,cards--,the ,chance ,call--,simple ,card-,leaving--,should a ,stranger ,leave ,cards8--,cards and ,business ,calls--,when a ,man ,leaves ,cards --,the ,man's ,chance ,call--,about ,leaving and ,posting ,cards--,leaving ,cards of ,inquiry--,acknowledging ,cards of ,inquiry and ,condolence --,announcement ,cards--,when ,traveling--,p4,p4,c4 ,cards4 ,v4 ,,invitations #aih ,some ,general ,rules--,invitation to a ,formal ,dance--,accepting the ,invitation--,for the ,informal ,dance--,the ,dinner ,dance--,the ,dbut ,dance--,invitations for the ,subscription ,dance--,acknowledging ,subscription ,dance ,invitations--,invitation to ,public ,ball-- ,requesting an ,invitation--,the ,dinner ,invitation--,in ,honor of ,celebrated ,guests--,the ,acknowledgments--,for the ,informal ,dinner --,when the ,dinner is ,not at ,home--,the ,daughter as ,hostess-- ,inviting a ,stop-,gap--,to ,break a ,dinner ,engagement--,invitations for ,luncheons--,acknowledging the ,luncheon ,invitation--,the ,informal ,invitation--,reception ,invitations--,reception in ,honor of a ,special ,guest--,invitations to ,garden ,parties-- ,acknowledging the ,garden ,party ,invitation--,house or ,week-,end ,parties--,the ,bread-and-,butter ,letter--,invitations to the ,theater and ,opera--,invitations to ,musicales and ,private ,theatricals--,children's ,party ,invitations--,invitations to a ,christening--,a ,word of ,special ,caution4 ,,vi4 ,,correspondence #bce ,to-day and ,yesterday--,the ,letter ,you ,write--,the ,business ,letter --,function of the ,social ,letter--,the ,etiquette of ,stationery-- ,letter and ,note ,paper--,crests and ,monograms--,use of the ,typewriter --,regarding the ,salutation--,closing the ,letter--,addressing the ,envelope--,letter of ,condolence--,acknowledging a ,letter of ,condolence--,etiquette of the ,friendly ,letter--,the ,child's ,letter--,letters to ,persons of ,title4 ,,vii4 ,,parents ,,and ,,children #bed ,the ,home--,appearance of the ,house--,dress--,dress for ,children-- ,children and ,development--,know ,your ,children6--,imitation--,the ,child's ,speech--,at the ,table--,playmates--,children's ,parties-- ,planning ,surprises--,receiving the ,young ,guests--,about the ,birthday ,party--,when the ,young ,guests ,leave--,children's ,entertainments ,away from ,home--,children and ,dancing--,a ,word to ,parents--,amusements--,let the ,child be ,natural--,the ,young ,girl--,the ,girl's ,manner--,the ,chaperon--,the ,young ,country ,miss --,the ,girl and ,her ,mother--,for the ,shy and ,self-,conscious-- ,forget ,about ,yourself--,why the ,shy are ,awkward--,self-,confidence ,versus ,conceit--,country ,hospitality--,importance of ,simplicity-- ,the ,hostess--,the ,guest--,for ,country ,folks--,the ,endless ,round of ,hospitality--,when to ,invite--,the ,guests and ,their ,duties-- ,addressing ,titled ,people4 ,,list ,,of ,,illustrations ,,on ,,her ,,wedding ,,day ,frontispiece ,,page ,,church ,,decorated ,,for ,a ,,formal ,,wedding #fb ,,an ,,altar ,,for ,a ,,home ,,wedding #adb ,,decorations ,,for ,a ,,wedding ,,in ,a ,,small ,,church #aij ,,part ,i ,the power of manners is incessant--an element as unconcealable as fire4 ,the nobility cannot in any country be disguised1 and no more in a republic or a democracy than in a kingdom4 ,there are certain manners which are learned in good society1 of that force that1 if a person have them1 he or she must be considered1 and is everywhere welcome1 though without beauty1 or wealth1 or genius4 --,from ,emerson's ,essays4 ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette ,,chapter ,i ,,introduction ,,to ,,etiquette ,,what ,,is ,,etiquette8 ,at a meeting of army officers during the ,civil ,war1 one of them began to relate a questionable story1 remarking1 as if to excuse his lack of good taste1 that there were no ladies present4 ,general ,grant1 who was acting as chairman of the meeting1 remarked1 ,no1 but there are gentlemen--and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story4 ,what is a gentleman8 ,the question is an old one4 ,it cannot be ancestry1 for often the son of most noble and honored parentage is merely a coarse compound of clay and money1 offered to society as a gentleman1 ,it cannot be dress--for surely ,beau ,brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman1 despite his stiffly starched cravats and brightly polished boots4 ,it cannot be money1 for then many a common thief1 made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains1 would be entitled to the name of gentleman4 ,no1 it is something that goes deeper than ancestry or dress or wealth--something that is nobler and finer than any1 or all1 of these4 ,perhaps it can be best expressed by this beautiful example of what true etiquette can mean3 ,henry ,ward ,beecher1 on a very cold day1 stopped to buy a newspaper from a ragged youngster who stood shivering on a corner4 ,poor little fellow1 he said1 aren't you cold standing here8 ,the boy looked up with a smile and said1 ,i was1 sir--before you passed4 ,the word etiquette itself does not mean very much4 ,it comes from the same origin as the word ticket and originally meant the rules of court ceremony printed on tickets that were given to each person presented at court4 ,but through generations the ideal of perfected culture surged1 until to-day we have a code of manners that is the pride and inspiration of refined living4 ,,laws ,,of ,,society ,etiquette1 after all1 is not the finished work1 but merely a tool that opens the portals to a broader life1 to a greater social happiness4 ,through its influence we are brought into close companionship with the really worth-while minds of our day4 ,by faithful constancy to its rules we gradually mold our characters until1 in our outward dignity and charm1 the world reads and understands our ideals4 ,there is in every human nature the desire for social happiness--which is1 frankly1 in other words1 the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be4 ,and it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained4 ,in observing the established etiquette of modern society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance1 manner1 and speech4 ,it must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances4 ,in the street-car1 in the ball-room1 at the theater--every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals4 ,society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals4 ,there are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle4 ,there are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance1 in acknowledging an introduction1 in using the knife and fork at the dinner table4 ,there are certain prevailing modes in dressing for the theater and reception4 ,to know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds4 ,etiquette is an art--the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time--the art of being able to hold oneself always in hand1 no matter how exacting the circumstance4 ,and like music or painting or writing1 the more you study it1 the more you apply yourself to its principles1 the more perfectly your own character is molded4 ,,control ,,of ,,the ,,impulses ,the cultured man is never angry1 never impatient1 never demonstrative4 ,his actions and speech are tempered with a dispassionate calmness and tranquillity that the ,french admiringly call sang froid4 ,he knows how to control his emotions so effectively that no one can read1 in his self-possessed expression1 whether he is angry or pleased1 discouraged or eager4 ,perhaps the most striking and admirable thing about a man of breeding is his carefully disciplined impulses4 ,he may at times lose control of himself1 but he is never petulant1 never incoherent4 ,he may be greatly enthusiastic about some unexpected happening1 but he never becomes excited1 never loses control of his reasoning faculties4 ,he never gives the appearance of being in a hurry1 no matter how swift his actions may be--there is always about him the suggestion of leisure and poise4 ,swearing is essentially vulgar4 ,it was ,dr4 ,crane1 the famous essayist and philosopher1 who said in one of his delightful talks1 ,the superior man is gentle4 ,it is only the man with a defective vocabulary that swears4 ,all noise is waste4 ,the silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind4 ,the genuine lady speaks low4 ,the most striking characteristic of the superior ones is their quiet1 their poise4 ,they have about them a sense of the stars4 ,strong feeling1 anger1 have no place in the social life4 ,we are all uneasy at times4 ,we all have our embarrassing moments4 ,but the well-bred person knows how to conceal his emotions1 and impulses1 so well that no one but himself knows that he is uneasy or embarrassed4 ,it is not only exceedingly unpleasant1 but it is also very poor form to show by our gestures and frowns and speech that we are annoyed by some circumstance that is entirely beyond our control4 ,impulsiveness is often the cause of serious breaches of etiquette--breaches that are1 socially speaking1 the ruin of many a rising young man1 of many an otherwise charming young woman4 ,the gentleman never shows by hasty word or angry glance that he is displeased with some service4 ,the lady never shows1 either in her speech or manner1 that she is excited with some unexpected happening1 or disappointed because something did not happen the way she planned it4 ,it is only by studying the rules of etiquette and knowing absolutely what is right to do and say under all conditions that one acquires this splendid self-possession and composure of manner4 ,,regard ,,for ,,the ,,rights ,,of ,,others ,william ,de ,witt ,hyde1 in his book1 ,practical ,ethics1 says1 ,politeness is proper respect for human personality4 ,rudeness results from thinking exclusively about ourselves and caring nothing for the feelings of anybody else4 ,the sincere desire to bring the greatest pleasure and least pain to everyone we meet will go a long way towards making our manners more polite and courteous4 ,the man or woman who is truly cultured1 truly well-bred1 tries to make everyone happy and at ease4 ,it is only the exceedingly vulgar person who finds pleasure in hurting the feelings of the people with whom he comes into contact4 ,it makes no difference how wealthy or how poor a person is1 how ignorant or educated he happens to be--as a fellow-being he is entitled to a hearty sympathy and respect4 ,both servility and arrogance are ungentlemanly4 ,gentleness1 simplicity and a sincere regard for the rights of one's companions are the distinguishing marks of a fine character4 ,,the ,,danger ,,of ,,intolerance ,there is no room for intolerance in the social world4 ,to be honored1 respected1 one must have a certain friendliness of spirit4 ,the gentleman1 the lady treats everyone1 from the lowliest beggar to the most distinguished personage with consideration4 ,it is only the man who is unpretentious1 who is always eager to please1 who is as courteous and considerate in manner to his inferiors as to his equals1 that fully deserves the name of gentleman4 ,the author recently chanced to witness an amusing incident which might be of value to repeat here4 ,it shows forcibly how important the little things are1 and how they reveal to the gaze of the world the true story of our actual worth3 ,an elderly man1 who showed quite obviously by his lordly and self-satisfied manner that he was accustomed to travel about in his own car1 was on one occasion forced to ride home in the subway4 ,it was rush hour1 and thousands of tired men and women were in a hurry to get home4 ,the man impatiently waited his turn on a long line at the ticket office1 constantly grumbling and making it disagreeable for those about him4 ,when he finally did reach the window1 he offered a ten dollar bill in payment for one five-cent ticket and deliberately remained at the window counting and recounting his change while the people behind him anxiously awaited their turn4 ,when at last he did move away1 he had a half smile1 half frown of smug and malicious satisfaction on his face which1 interpreted to the people he had kept waiting1 said that he now felt repaid for having had to travel in the same train with them4 ,this man1 in spite of his self-satisfied manner and well-tailored suit1 was very far from being a gentleman4 ,the shabby young man behind him1 who also offered a bill in payment for his ticket1 but stepped quickly to one side to count his change1 and smiled cheerfully at the man behind him1 was infinitely more of a gentleman than the one who maliciously1 and with evident keen enjoyment1 kept the long line waiting4 ,the true worth of a gentleman is revealed1 not in his fashionable clothes or haughty demeanor1 but in his regard for the rights of others4 ,it is the little kindnesses that count--and the instinctive recognition of the rights of others4 ,as ,england's inimitable ,j4 ,m4 ,barrie has so aptly remarked1 ,those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves4 ,,why ,,it ,,pays ,,to ,,be ,,agreeable ,why should we know the laws of etiquette8 ,why should we know the way to do and say things8 ,why should we be agreeable8 ,these are questions that will undoubtedly arise in the mind of the young man or woman who is eager to cultivate and refine his or her manner and speech4 ,the answer is3 to make one's own life happier--to bring into it a new sunshine1 a new joy of living that was not even dreamed of when the mind and spirit were shrouded in the gloom of discourtesy1 coarseness and vulgarity4 ,for how can the boor be happy8 ,with his gloomy face1 sour disposition1 complaining habits and inherent lack of good taste and culture1 he sees only the shadows of life4 ,people are repulsed by him1 never attracted4 ,brilliant men and women1 people of refinement and taste1 will have nothing to do with him4 ,he lives his own life--his ill-bred1 complaining1 gloomy1 companionless life--an outcast from that better society of which we all long to be a part4 ,culture and cheer go hand-in-hand4 ,the cultured man or woman is always cheerful1 always finding something good and beautiful in all mankind and nature4 ,cheerfulness itself means poise--a wholesome1 happy1 undaunted poise that makes life well-balanced and worth the living4 ,the person of low1 vulgar tastes and desires is seldom contented1 seldom happy4 ,he finds everywhere evil1 ugliness1 selfishness1 and a tendency for the world generally to degrade itself to the lower levels of coarseness4 ,he finds it because he looks for it4 ,and he looks for it because it already exists in his mind4 ,and yet1 he may be educated2 he may be a recognized power in the financial world2 he may even possess enviable talents4 ,but if he lacks that glorious open-hearted generosity1 that sincere sympathy and simple understanding with all mankind1 that helpful1 healthful1 ever-inspiring agreeableness of mind and spirit--the world will have none of him4 ,the man who feels constantly grieved and injured at some injustice1 real or imaginary1 is sacrificing some of the best things life has to offer4 ,he does not know what it means to be greeted with a smile of pleasure and a warm handclasp4 ,he does not know what it means to be taken whole-heartedly into one's confidence1 to be relied upon1 to be appealed to4 ,he does not know what it means1 in his hours of darkest adversity1 to receive the genuine sympathy and encouragement of a friend4 ,but with culture1 with development of mind and spirit1 with the desire to adhere truly to society's laws and regard as inviolable the rights of others1 there comes a new understanding of human relationship4 ,where once everything seemed narrow and selfish1 one now sees love and beauty and helpfulness4 ,instead of harsh words and unkind glances1 there are words of cheer and encouragement1 smiles of friendliness and understanding4 ,the world that once seemed coarse1 shallow and unpolished1 seems now strangely cordial and polite4 ,,the ,,simplest ,,culture ,yes1 it pays to be agreeable4 ,we are all like huge magnets1 and we tend to attract those things which we ourselves send out4 ,if we are coarse and unrefined1 we attract to our company those people who are also coarse and unrefined4 ,if we are disagreeable and unmindful of the rights of others1 they in turn will be disagreeable to us1 and unmindful of our rights4 ,and similarly1 if we are kind and agreeable1 we are bound to meet and attract people of the same kind4 ,there is a pretty little story of a woman and a child1 in which the simple friendliness of a little girl opened the door for a woman whose life had been embittered by much hardship and disappointment4 ,she was strolling one day through a mountain farm-house4 ,she did not know where she was going1 and she did not care4 ,she just wanted to forget1 forget4 ,she stopped near a well and gazed angrily about her1 wondering how there could be so much peace and quiet in a world that held nothing but turmoil and heartache for her4 ,she was an attractive woman1 and her smart clothes and haughty bearing were a disappointing contrast to her scowling face and angry eyes4 ,suddenly she glanced down4 ,a tiny girl was watching her intently--a little girl who had lived all her seven short years in the untutored expanse of the mountains4 ,the woman was annoyed1 and she did not hesitate to show it4 ,what are you looking at2 what do you want8 she demanded irritably4 ,instead of returning the frown1 the child smiled and stepped a little closer4 ,i was just thinking how pretty your face would be if it smiled instead of frowned1 she answered4 ,the woman's face relaxed4 ,the bitter look in the eyes vanished and was replaced by a bright new light4 ,the scowl became a grateful smile1 and with an impulsive sob of pure joy1 she knelt down and hugged the little girl who had been the first in a long time to speak gently to her1 the first in a long time to return her frowns with sincere smiles of friendliness4 ,and when she finally left the little child1 and returned to the exacting conventionalities of the town1 she was a nobler1 better and finer woman4 ,the simple heart of a child who knew no other creed or law than the sincere love of all mankind triumphed over the bitterness of a woman who had known years of education and worldliness4 ,culture is of the heart and spirit rather than of the outward appearance4 ,but it is by what we do and say that we prove that it truly exists within us4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,etiquette',s ,,reward ,,the ,,origin ,,of ,,manners ,why do we observe certain set rules of convention8 ,why do we greet people in a certain ordained way--by nodding or by lifting the hat8 ,why do we make introductions and send invitations and cultivate our manners and speech8 ,to find the answer we must trace civilization back to its very source4 ,one of the first necessities of the savage was to devise some means of showing savages of other tribes that he did not mean to fight--that he wanted to live with them peaceably4 ,at first it was difficult to do this2 primeval man was always suspicious1 always watchful4 ,he had to be1 for his life depended upon it4 ,but slowly certain peaceful observances and signs were established1 and the savages began to understand them as greetings of peace and good-will4 ,the salutation and greeting of to-day is a direct result of this early necessity4 ,this peace-greeting1 as we shall call it1 was the first semblance of order1 the first token of good fellowship that appeared out of the primeval chaos of warfare and destruction4 ,a certain greeting1 and things were on a peaceful basis4 ,but let that greeting be forgotten1 and the savage's life was the forfeit4 ,man developed1 and with him developed civilization4 ,from that first peace greeting there came certain set salutations1 certain forms of homage that bound men together in mutual protection and friendliness4 ,then slowly1 out of this first beam of manners1 this first bit of restraint from the savagery of primeval man1 there were created certain ceremonies4 ,some were weird dances to the spirit of the ,sun2 others were animal or human sacrifices to some ,god of ,fear2 still others were strange ceremonies for the departed spirit of the dead4 ,but they were ceremonies--and as such they presaged the ceremonies upon which all etiquette1 all good manners1 are based to-day4 ,we find that the history of manners keeps pace with the history and evolution of man4 ,and we find that manners1 or ceremonies1 or respect for fellowmen--or whatever you want to call it--was the first tie that bound men together4 ,it is the foundation upon which all civilization is built4 ,,the ,,manners ,,of ,,to-,,day ,certain sensible rules of etiquette have come down to us from one generation to another4 ,to-day only those that have stood the test of time are respected and observed4 ,they have been silently adopted by the common consent of the best circles in ,america and ,europe2 and only those who follow them faithfully can hope to be successful in business and in social life4 ,there are some people who say that etiquette1 that manners1 are petty shams that polish the surface with the gilt edge of hypocrisy4 ,we all know that a few people believe this4 ,who of us has not heard the uncultured boor boast that he is not restricted by any sissy manners8 ,who of us has not heard the successful business man decline an invitation to a reception because he had no time for such nonsense8 ,to a great many people manners mean nothing but nonsense2 but you will find that they are almost invariably people who never win social or business distinction4 ,the rules of etiquette as we observe them nowadays are not1 as some people suppose1 the dictates of fashions4 ,they are certain forms of address1 certain conduct of speech and manner1 that have been brought down to us through centuries of developing culture4 ,and we observe them to-day because they make contact in social life easier and more agreeable2 they make life more beautiful and impressive4 ,you do not have to observe the laws of good conduct if you do not wish to4 ,certainly not4 ,you may do just as you please1 say just what you please1 and wear just what you please4 ,but of course you must not complain when you find the doors of good society closed against you1 when you find that people of good manners and correct social conduct avoid you and bar you from their activities4 ,good manners is the only key that will open the door to social success--and men and women often find that it fits the door to business success as well4 ,,good ,,society ,,in ,,america ,everyone loves to mingle with cultured1 well-bred people2 with brilliant and celebrated individuals4 ,everyone loves to attend elaborate social functions where the gay gowns of beautiful women are only less charming and impressive than their faultless manners4 ,but it is not everyone who can be admitted to these inner portals of good society4 ,it is a well-known truth that manners rather than wealth decide social rank4 ,a man may be fabulously wealthy1 but if he does not know how to act1 how to dress and speak1 he will not be respected4 ,american society has rules of its own1 and those who are not willing to learn these laws are shunned1 banished4 ,etiquette is the wall which divides the cultured from the uncultured1 which keeps the ill-bred out of the circles where they would be awkward and uncomfortable1 and where they would undoubtedly cause mortification to others4 ,on the other hand1 to know these rules of good conduct is to be admitted to the highest circles of society4 ,to know that one is correct banishes at once all uncertainty1 all embarrassment4 ,and one mingles with perfectly-mannered people1 calm in the assurance that one knows just what is correct1 and that no matter what happens one can do or say nothing to reflect on one's breeding4 ,,the ,,true ,,lady ,,and ,,gentleman ,it is not enough to be wealthy4 ,it is not enough to be widely famed4 ,but if one is well-mannered1 if one knows how to conduct oneself with poise1 grace and self-confidence1 one will win respect and honor no matter where one chances to be4 ,there are very few men indeed who do not value good manners4 ,they may ridicule them1 they may despise them--but deep down in their hearts they know that good manners have a certain charm1 a certain power1 that wealth and fame together do not possess4 ,they know that right in their own business spheres there are men who owe their success and position to the appearance that they make1 to the manner in which they conduct themselves4 ,and they know that there are beautiful women who are coldly repellent2 while some plain women win the hearts of everyone with whom they come in contact1 merely by the charm of their manners4 ,the perfect gentleman is not the dude1 the over-dressed dandy who disdains the workingman in his patched clothes and who sniffs contemptuously at the word work4 ,the true gentleman is kindly1 courageous1 civil4 ,he is kind to everyone--to the tottering old man he helps across the street1 and to the mischievous young rascal who throws a ball through his window4 ,he does not know what it is to become angry1 to lose control of his temper1 to speak discourteously4 ,he never shows that he is embarrassed or ill at ease4 ,he is as calm and unconcerned in the presence of a world-wide celebrity as he is when he is with his most intimate friend4 ,nor is he ever bitter1 haughty or arrogant4 ,and he is as far from being effeminate as he is from being coarse and brutal4 ,in short1 he knows the manners of good society and he does not hesitate to use them4 ,the perfect lady is not the ornamental butterfly of society1 as so many would have us believe4 ,she is gentle1 and well-dressed and graceful--not merely ornamental4 ,she does some useful work1 no matter what it is4 ,she is patient always1 and generous4 ,she never speaks harshly to tradespeople or to servants2 gentleness and reserve are the very keynotes of her manner4 ,she is never haughty1 never superior4 ,she is kind and courteous to everyone1 and she conducts herself with the calm1 unassuming grace that instinctively wins a responsive respect4 ,in her manner towards men she is reserved1 modest4 ,but she is self-reliant and not afraid to assert herself4 ,her speech and manner are characterized always by dignity1 repose and self-confidence4 ,it is only by knowing the laws of good conduct1 and by following them faithfully1 that one can hope ever to become a true gentleman or true lady4 ,,the ,,secret ,,of ,,social ,,success ,every man who so wishes may become a gentleman1 and every woman may become a lady in every sense of the word4 ,it requires only the cultivation of those qualities outlined above4 ,and it is here that the use of etiquette lies1 that the importance of good manners is most strikingly portrayed4 ,etiquette teaches you how to be gentle1 calm1 patient4 ,it tells you how to be at ease among strangers4 ,it tells you how to cultivate grace1 poise1 self-confidence4 ,not only does it tell you how1 but it gives you poise and self-confidence4 ,by teaching you the right thing to do at the right time1 it eliminates all possibility of mistakes--and hence all embarrassment and awkwardness vanish4 ,the existence of these fixed social laws1 these little rules of etiquette1 makes it easy for the man and woman who have not been bred in the best society1 to master the knowledge which will enable them to enter that society and mingle with the most highly cultivated people without feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable4 ,it tears down the barriers between the wealthy and the poor1 between the educated and the ignorant4 ,by knowing what to do and say and write and wear on all occasions1 under all conditions1 any man or woman can enter any society and mingle with any people4 ,the old proverb might well be changed to read1 ,culture makes the whole world kin6 ,of course if a man suddenly became wealthy and he wished to enter the highest society1 his wealth might serve as an opening4 ,but he would soon find that money was not enough--that he needed manners4 ,he might mingle with society for years1 slowly acquiring the correct table manners1 the correct mode of address1 the correct manner of making introductions1 the correct way to conduct himself at all times1 in all places4 ,but it would take many years before the rough edges of his previous uncultivated manners were rubbed away4 ,instead of waiting for years of contact with cultured people to bring him the correct manners befitting a man of wealth1 he need only learn at once from a dependable authority the etiquette of society1 the good form that has been crystallized into rules after years of social intercourse4 ,it is the easiest road to social success4 ,,what ,,manners ,,will ,,do ,,for ,,you ,every day you come into contact with people1 with strangers1 who judge you by what you do and say4 ,they go away carrying an impression of you--and it depends upon your manners whether it is a good impression or a bad impression4 ,it is a mistake to think that good manners are meant for the elaborate ball room or for the formal dinner4 ,society is not necessarily too formal or too showy4 ,society implies also that society of fellow-men you meet every day of the year--people you come into contact with in the social and business worlds4 ,and in order to make contact with these people agreeable and pleasant1 in order to win the admiration and respect of strangers1 in order to avoid embarrassment and humiliation because of bad blunders at most conspicuous moments1 it is essential to know what is right and what is wrong4 ,good manners will enable you to be easy and graceful at all times4 ,you will be able to mingle with the most cultured people and be perfectly at ease4 ,you will lose all self-consciousness1 all timidity4 ,and instead you will become dignified1 well-poised1 calm4 ,instinctively people will respect you2 in business and in society you will find yourself welcomed and admired4 ,,etiquette',s ,,reward ,etiquette is like the binding of a book--just as the binding reveals the name of the book1 and protects the valuable pages that are inside1 so does etiquette reveal the breeding and culture of an individual1 and protects him from the disrespect1 ridicule and snubs of the world4 ,etiquette will make you dignified4 ,it will make your actions and speech refined1 polished1 impressive4 ,it will make you a leader instead of a follower1 a participant instead of a looker-on4 ,it will open the doors of the highest society to you1 make you immune to all embarrassment1 enable you to conduct yourself with ease and confidence at all times1 under all circumstances4 ,the rewards of etiquette are too numerous to recount4 ,if you follow the laws of good conduct1 if you do only what is right and in good form1 you will find yourself an acknowledged leader1 an acknowledged success1 no matter in what station of life you may be4 ,the world is quick to perceive good manners1 just as it is quick to perceive the blunders in etiquette4 ,if you study the rules of good conduct1 and follow good form in everything you do and say1 you will become courteous and kind and well-mannered4 ,etiquette will attract people to you1 make you and your home a center of social activity4 ,but most of all1 it will make you respect yourself4 ,and that is more important than riches or fame--for self-respect is the only thing that brings true happiness4 ,remember the words of the prophet1 ,he who respects himself will earn the respect of all the world4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,engagements ,,of ,,special ,,importance ,there is perhaps no time when the rules of etiquette need to be so strictly observed as during the period of courtship4 ,all the world loves a lover--but this does not keep the world from watching closely and criticizing severely any breach of good manners1 especially on the part of the young lady4 ,any public display of affection anywhere at any time is grossly unrefined4 ,love is sacred1 and it should not be thrown open to the rude comments of strangers4 ,the young couple should conduct themselves with quiet dignity and reserve1 neither indulging in terms of endearment or caresses1 nor purposely ignoring each other so as to create the impression that they are not1 after all1 so very much in love4 ,there is no reason why their conduct in public after they are engaged should be any more demonstrative than it was before4 ,at parties1 dinners1 and other entertainments it is their privilege to be with each other more than they are with anyone else1 but this does not mean that they should neglect the other guests4 ,if the occasion has been planned especially for them they are in part responsible for each one present finding it an enjoyable one4 ,and each one should be very cordial to the friends of the other4 ,many an engagement that held promise of golden happiness to come was abruptly broken because one or the other was not sufficiently circumspect in conduct4 ,a young lady must remember that while she is not exactly expected to give up indiscriminately all her friends of the opposite sex1 she must not receive them as guests1 or go to the theater or ball with them1 without the knowledge and consent of her fianc4 ,he is1 of course1 expected to be equally considerate of her with regard to his own relations with other women4 ,the engaged couple of to-day enjoys much greater freedom than the engaged couple of our grandmothers' time4 ,the chaperon has been almost entirely dispensed with1 except in a few individual cases4 ,although it is still considered rather poor form to attend the theater or opera together1 without other friends in the party1 it is often done without any very serious consequence to the young people4 ,perhaps it is because the young men and women of this country have that instinctive grace and dignity of manner that the severe laws of conduct practiced abroad have been deemed unnecessary4 ,,the ,,proposal ,at one time1 not so very long ago1 it was considered an irrevocable law of etiquette that a young man obtain the formal consent of a young lady's parents before asking her hand in marriage4 ,prevalent customs have almost eliminated this formality1 and modern mothers and fathers1 by the welcome which they accord him in their home1 show a young man whether or not they think him eligible for their daughter's hand4 ,and it is really a much wiser plan to object to a friendship when it first begins instead of waiting until it has developed into something more serious4 ,if the young man wishes to proceed upon the old-fashioned formula he may do so1 first assuring himself insofar as he is able that his attentions are welcome to the young lady4 ,the time for the proposal depends upon attending circumstances4 ,someone has said that there would be fewer divorces if more proposals were made in the middle of the day under ordinary conditions1 but the timid or romantic youth usually prefers the witchery of moonlight and the magic of solitude4 ,the proposal itself should be sincere and earnest4 ,glowing terms and impassioned emotion are1 indeed1 very bad taste2 and often the more simple a proposal is the more forcibly it expresses the suitor's ardor4 ,if he is accepted the well-bred young man will immediately seek the young lady's parents and impart the happy news to them4 ,at this point1 if it has not already been disclosed it is customary for him to reveal his true status1 financially and socially1 and answer politely any questions that her parents may ask him4 ,if there are dissensions he must explain calmly and carefully1 making sure all the time to keep complete control of his feelings and not to allow himself to become either angry or impatient4 ,,the ,,engagement ,,ring ,it is the custom to seal the engagement pact with a ring4 ,as soon as the prospective bridegroom has won the consent of the young lady whom he wishes to be his wife1 he places the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand4 ,the convention is that the ring be a diamond solitaire set in gold or platinum1 or1 if it is preferred1 a diamond set with other stones4 ,it is always wise to consult the individual preference of the young lady in determining the choice of the ring1 and it is her privilege to choose whatever kind she wants regardless of tradition or convention4 ,,announcing ,,the ,,engagement ,after the proposal has been accepted announcement of the fact is made1 and it is here that the young lady takes the leading part4 ,there are several established conventions in announcing the engagement4 ,each one is good form1 and the choice is merely a matter of taste and convenience4 ,but always the initiative must come from the family of the future bride4 ,the young man must not even announce the engagement to his best friends until he is quite sure that his fianc has already made it known to her friends4 ,it has always been a popular custom in better society to give the announcement of an engagement as nearly an appearance of leaking out as possible4 ,perhaps it is because it adds to the interest of the occasion4 ,to obtain this effect1 a number of intimate friends and relatives are invited to a dinner party--really the engagement dinner--where1 in the course of the conversation1 the news of the engagement is casually imparted to the guests for the first time4 ,it is usually announced by the father of the young lady2 sometimes by her older brother1 and in some cases by her mother4 ,the guests1 of course1 will offer warm and sincere congratulations4 ,the happy couple mingle among their guests and receive their good wishes with modesty and smiles of thanks4 ,sometimes the young lady gives a luncheon for her friends1 at which the announcement is made4 ,it is always very pretty to make the announcement in some novel way1 and if the hostess does not find her own ingenuity equal to it she will find her stationer her best guide4 ,he has various novelty cards1 etc41 specially designed for such occasions4 ,often1 instead of formally announcing the engagement1 the young lady gives the news to several of her closest friends1 depending on them to spread it among their friends and acquaintances4 ,this manner of announcement is usually followed with a little informal reception1 to which are invited the members of the prospective bridegroom's family and the relatives of both families4 ,,the ,,most ,,usual ,,method ,perhaps the best way to announce an engagement is for the young lady and her mother to send small engraved cards to their circle of friends and relatives1 making the announcement in a simple statement1 and mentioning an afternoon when they will be at home to visitors4 ,the young man may also send notes or cards to his friends1 having first made sure that his fianc has already announced it to her friends4 ,the at home offers a splendid opportunity for each one to meet the friends of the other1 and for the families of the two young people to become better acquainted4 ,care must be taken that there is no constraint1 no drifting into circles4 ,the young lady must welcome her future husband's friends with sincere cordiality1 and see that they are properly introduced to her own friends4 ,he must mingle with her friends and make himself companionable and agreeable4 ,to be constantly together1 selfishly enjoying each other's company while the neglected guests are left to their own devices is a breach of etiquette and must be conscientiously avoided if the at home is to be hailed a success4 ,if this last method of announcing the engagement is decided upon1 the home should boast no decorations except flowers simply arranged4 ,the young lady and her mother1 in conservative afternoon frocks1 receive together4 ,the young man is usually presented to the guests by his future father-in-law4 ,entertainment1 such as music and dancing1 may be provided for the occasion if it is convenient4 ,simple refreshments may be served--dainty sandwiches1 cake1 tea and sweets are appropriate when served in an attractive manner4 ,it is also customary to place an announcement in the society columns of the newspapers simultaneously with the giving of the dinner party4 ,it should always be written by the parents about their daughter1 or by the guardian if she has no parents--never by the engaged girl herself4 ,,announcing ,,an ,,engagement ,,in ,,the ,,newspapers ,the vogue to-day seems to favor announcing engagements in the newspaper rather than through the issuing of announcement cards4 ,such items of announcement should be sent to the society editor of the paper selected1 and should be signed with the full name and address of the sender4 ,brief items are always better than long ones4 ,here are two typical newspaper announcements of recent engagements3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,henry ,m4 ,bower announce the engagement of their daughter ,rose to ,mr4 ,walter ,barrie of ,boston4 ,the date of the wedding will be announced in this paper later4 ,the engagement of ,miss ,lillian ,hall to ,mr4 ,robert ,g4 ,manning is announced by ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,b4 ,hall4 ,the wedding is to take place in ,st4 ,thomas's ,church on the #aeth of ,june4 ,,engagement ,,gifts ,it is not customary for elaborate engagement gifts to be presented1 even by near relatives4 ,in fact1 the mode of the engagement gift has been gradually disappearing until to-day congratulations are considered sufficient4 ,however1 the close friends of the young lady may send her1 with their congratulations1 pleasing bits of chinaware1 glassware1 and sometimes even silver4 ,odd pieces of bric--brac and quaint1 unusual gifts1 and antiques are always acceptable4 ,markings on gifts are usually in the maiden name of the bride--but if any doubt is felt as to which she herself would prefer1 it is best to ask her4 ,there is an old tradition regarding the giving of tea-cups as an engagement present4 ,a lover1 who was obliged to go away on an extended sea journey1 gave to his betrothed a delicate china cup1 asking her to drink tea from it every afternoon4 ,he said1 ,if ,i am unfaithful1 the cup will fill to overbrimming and the tea pouring over the sides will crack the thin china4 ,then you will know ,i have broken faith4 ,the custom has been brought down to us1 and now we find that the giving of a tea-cup or a tea-set as an engagement present signifies faithfulness--and it may mean faithfulness to friendship or love as the case may be4 ,we usually find that a young lady's spinster friends are partial to the custom2 they seem to find particular enjoyment in presenting her with dainty tea-cups1 either separately or in sets4 ,expensive gifts should never be exchanged during an engagement1 barring of course the engagement ring4 ,the young man may present his prospective bride with books1 flowers or candy1 but articles of wearing apparel are considered bad taste4 ,to be modest1 gracious1 dignified during the engagement1 to continue one's social duties faithfully1 neither neglecting one's friends nor becoming self-consciously enthusiastic1 to be self-possessed and unaffected even while one is the center of much lively interest and animated discussion--this is the end to be desired1 and the young man and woman who have accomplished it are indeed fortunate4 ,,bridal ,,showers ,a good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt4 ,knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time4 ,then and there the idea of the shower was born4 ,the custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose1 such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower4 ,it is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone4 ,intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower4 ,it is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride4 ,the gifts may be hidden in a ,jack ,horner pie1 they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages1 or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways4 ,originality in this1 as in all entertainments1 is greatly to be desired4 ,the young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally1 and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her gratitude4 ,it is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive4 ,,length ,,of ,,the ,,engagement ,the question of how long an engagement should last is usually governed by attendant conditions4 ,there is1 however1 a marked tendency for engagements to be short2 in fact1 fashion now demands that the wedding-day be at least tentatively fixed before the engagement is announced4 ,many times there are excellent reasons why it should be of several years' duration4 ,it is best not to announce the fact formally1 though it may be understood among one's friends4 ,matters of this kind are to be determined by the two people who are most concerned1 and if a young man and his fianc have decided that they would like to have a long engagement the rules of etiquette have nothing to say against it4 ,,responsibility ,,for ,,the ,,wedding ,the father and mother of the young lady who is about to be married assume all responsibility for the preparation for and the celebration of the wedding4 ,the groom is not expected to pay for anything except the ring and flowers for the bride and1 if he wishes1 the flowers for the bridesmaids and trifling gifts for the ushers and other attendants4 ,the clergyman's fee also devolves upon him1 but all other expenses are paid by the bride's parents or guardians4 ,indeed1 it would indicate a great lack of tact or delicacy on the part of the groom to offer to provide a part of the trousseau or to pay for any of the other expenses incidental to the occasion4 ,announcement cards1 invitations1 music1 flowers and other decorations for the church1 the preparations for the breakfast or reception to follow the ceremony--all of these are paid for by her parents4 ,the wedding should never be more elaborate than the parents of the bride can afford4 ,,families ,,and ,,friends ,it is always very delightful when the families of an engaged couple find themselves congenial1 and every effort should be made by the young people to bring about1 if it does not already exist1 a harmonious relationship between their immediate families4 ,it is almost equally desirable that each shall like the friends of the other and heroic efforts must be made to do so4 ,a pleasing way to bring friends together is by means of an informal reception4 ,the invitations should be cordial notes written by hand4 ,the following indicates the usual form3 ,bayside1 ,april #d1 #ai-- ,dear ,may3 ,no doubt you already know that ,i am engaged to be married to ,ralph ,curran4 ,thursday afternoon from three to five mother is giving a little reception for his friends and mine1 and we both hope that you will be able to attend4 ,cordially yours1 ,helen ,hall4 ,for the members of the immediate families or for very close friends a dinner is suggested but the most important point for the family which is doing the entertaining to keep in mind is the style of living to which the other has been accustomed1 and nothing should be done which might embarrass them4 ,if the family has been accustomed to great elegance the one that is acting as host need have no fear for people who are worth knowing appreciate simplicity wherever they find it2 but if they are in very moderate circumstances it is the cruellest kind of discourtesy to attempt to overawe them with ceremonious hospitality4 ,it is ordinarily the family of the groom that is first to approach the other with an invitation of some kind1 but extenuating circumstances make the convention vary4 ,often a young girl is invited to visit in the home of her fianc before her marriage4 ,it is an invitation which she may accept with perfect propriety4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,,wedding ,,invitations ,,and ,,announcements ,,the ,,wedding ,,invitation ,not later than fifteen days1 and not earlier than four weeks before the date set for the marriage1 wedding invitations are sent to those friends1 relatives and acquaintances who are to be present at the ceremony4 ,when the wedding is to be a large church affair1 invitations are sent to all those whose names appear on the visiting lists of the two families4 ,they are also issued to relatives and friends of the bride and groom who may be traveling abroad1 to the important business associates of the groom1 and those of the bride's father4 ,intimate friends and relatives in mourning are also invited1 whether they are expected to attend or not4 ,for a home wedding1 more discrimination is shown in the issuing of invitations4 ,intimate friends and relatives of both families are invited1 but no casual acquaintances4 ,in sending out the invitations1 the bride-to-be and her mother should take into consideration the number of people who will fit comfortably into the reception or drawing room4 ,,size ,,and ,,material ,formal wedding invitations should always be engraved4 ,they are issued in the name of the bride's parents1 or1 if she is an orphan1 in the names of a married brother and his wife1 of her guardian or her nearest male relative4 ,pure white or cream-tinted paper1 unglazed but smooth in surface1 should be used for wedding invitations4 ,a conventional size1 although each year sees another size in wedding invitations1 is seven inches in length by six inches in width4 ,these dimensions vary1 but never more than an inch or so4 ,they fold once into the envelope4 ,plain script is favored for the engraving of the wedding cards2 old ,english script1 ,roman capitals and block lettering are all effective4 ,a good stationer will show you the types of lettering most suited to wedding invitations at the present time4 ,it is his business to be able to advise you4 ,if there is a family crest 7the bride's family7 it may be embossed in white in the center at the top of the engraved sheet1 but not on the flap of the envelope4 ,a recent fashion is to have the bride's initials embossed in white where the crest would appear4 ,both are effective2 but such decorations as gilt-edges1 entwined letters of coats-of-arms in colors are in bad taste4 ,very fine paper should be selected for the wedding invitation4 ,no tint except cream may be used2 pure-white is considered the very best form4 ,the paper should be of medium weight1 unglazed1 and smooth4 ,light-weight paper through which lettering can be easily seen should not be used4 ,nor should the paper be so thick and heavy that it breaks when folded4 ,,kinds ,,of ,,envelopes ,the wedding invitation demands two envelopes4 ,the first1 matching in texture and quality the paper of the invitation1 is used as a protection for the card4 ,it remains unsealed4 ,the second envelope is a trifle larger1 though it must also be of a similar texture4 ,into this envelope the card and the inner envelope are slipped for mailing4 ,the large envelope is sealed and stamped4 ,it bears the complete name and address of the person for whom it is intended1 while the inner envelope bears only the name4 ,the church cards are enclosed with the wedding invitation if there is necessity for them4 ,and if there is to be a wedding reception to which this particular guest is invited1 a special card is also enclosed4 ,the at home cards of the bridal couple are sent separately after the wedding4 ,,addressing ,,the ,,envelopes ,the wedding invitation is addressed to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blank4 ,the expression and family following the name of a husband and wife is not used in polite society4 ,if there are unmarried daughters to be invited1 a separate invitation is addressed to ,the ,misses ,blank4 ,sons may be invited either by sending a separate invitation to each one1 or addressing one invitation to ,the ,messrs4 ,blank4 ,all these invitations1 in their proper envelopes1 addressed appropriately1 are placed in the large envelope for mailing4 ,this single envelope is addressed in full to the matron of the family1 ,mrs4 ,henry ,mason ,blank4 ,,invitation ,,to ,,church ,,wedding ,the invitation to a church wedding is worded with a bit more formality than the invitation to the home ceremony4 ,it is sent out two or three weeks before the day set for the wedding4 ,the church wedding invitation requires no written acknowledgment1 except in those rare cases when there is a request for it4 ,instead of the initials1 ,r4,s4,v4,p41 it is better form to say simply1 ,please reply4 ,invitations for the home wedding1 of course1 require prompt acknowledgment4 ,following are two forms of church wedding invitations which may be used3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,grey ,taylor request the honor of 44444444444444444444444444444 presence at the marriage of their daughter ,helen ,marie with ,mr4 ,raymond ,mitchell on ,thursday1 the ninth of ,may at four o'clock ,st4 ,thomas's ,church ,new ,york ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,grey ,taylor request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,helen ,marie and ,mr4 ,raymond ,mitchell on ,friday1 the fourth of ,june at six o'clock at the ,presbyterian ,church ,boston ,in the first invitation1 the name of the guest is written by hand in the space left for that purpose4 ,the use of marriage and and marriage with is now customary in preference to marriage to4 ,all three words are in good form1 however1 and any one of them may be used4 ,below is a model engraved admission card1 used when the church wedding is to be a large one and tickets of admission are necessary4 ,the correct size is denoted3 ,,please ,,present ,,this ,,card at ,st4 ,michael's ,church on ,monday1 the fifth of ,may ,,invitations ,,to ,,home ,,wedding ,for the home wedding1 invitations are engraved as for the church wedding1 but for the phrase request the honor of your presence the phrase request the pleasure of your company is substituted1 though honor may be used in place of pleasure if one prefers4 ,as in the case of the church wedding1 a space may be left for the name of the guest to be filled in1 or the form that follows may be used3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,robert ,guy ,brown request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter ,helen ,rose and ,mr4 ,henry ,van ,buren on ,tuesday afternoon1 ,june the first at four o'clock ,twenty-two ,west ,end ,avenue ,when the wedding takes place in the country1 or a guest at a great distance is invited1 a small card like the one following is generally included3 ,train leaves ,grand ,central ,station for ,glenville at #aa3db ,a4,m4 ,returning train leaves ,glenville for ,new ,york at #f3aj ,p4,m4 ,wealthy people often place a special train at the disposal of special city friends whose presence is eagerly desired at the wedding4 ,a card1 like the one following1 is enclosed with the invitation1 and it serves as a pass1 entitling the bearer to a seat in the reserved train4 ,here is the form most generally used3 ,the special train leaves ,grand ,central ,station for ,glenville at #aa3db ,a4,m4 ,leaves ,glenville for ,grand ,central ,station at #f3aj ,p4,m4 ,please present this card at station door ,,wedding ,,in ,a ,,friend',s ,,home ,sometimes1 either because of convenience or personal preference1 arrangements are made to have a wedding take place at the home of a friend or relative4 ,the following wording is suggested as the correct form for the invitation3 ,the pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of ,miss ,marian ,benson ,joyce to ,mr4 ,john ,h4 ,brown on ,monday1 the fifth of ,june at twelve o'clock at the residence of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,herbert ,smith ,hopkins ,eighteen ,johns ,street ,,when ,,cards ,,are ,,enclosed ,when a church wedding is followed by a reception or breakfast1 special engraved cards are enclosed with the invitations to those guests whose presence is desired4 ,it may be a very small card1 inscribed merely with these words3 ,reception from four o'clock ,forty-six ,lafayette ,street ,for the wedding breakfast a card of this kind is usually enclosed3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,hay request the pleasure of 444444444444444444444 company1 at breakfast on ,thursday1 the fifth of ,may at twelve o'clock ,,invitations ,,to ,,second ,,marriages ,the second wedding invitation of a widow should be issued in the name of her parents or nearest living relatives4 ,she uses her own first name with the surname of the deceased husband4 ,here is the correct form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,robbert ,manning request the honor of your presence at their marriage of their daughter ,mrs4 ,may ,ellis ,bruce to ,mr4 ,stanley ,kenworth on ,monday1 ,september the fifth at six o'clock ,st4 ,paul ,chapel ,it may be that the woman who is to be married for the second time has no near relatives to serve as hosts for her4 ,her invitations may be like this3 ,the honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of ,mrs4 ,helen ,roy ,chadwick and ,mr4 ,bruce ,kenneth on ,wednesday1 ,august the tenth at four o'clock ,church of the ,redeemer ,announcement cards are sent after a wedding if there were no invitations issued4 ,they are often sent instead of invitations to friends who live at too great a distance to be present at the ceremony4 ,they require no acknowledgment though it is customary to send either a note expressing good wishes or a gift of some kind4 ,if one lives in the same community one should call on the bride's mother1 and if the bride's card in inclosed1 on the bride herself shortly after she returns from the honeymoon4 ,this is the usual form for the announcement card3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,roger ,smith announce the marriage of their daughter ,rose ,madeline to ,mr4 ,frank ,breckenridge on ,thursday1 ,april the first one thousand nine hundred and twenty-one ,in case of a second marriage of the bride1 the announcement card reads in this manner3 ,mr4 ,robert ,g4 ,gainsworth and ,mrs4 ,herbert ,gaylord ,smith announce their marriage on ,thursday1 ,august the ,eleventh one thousand nine hundred and twenty-one ,the bride uses the announcement above only when she is a widow4 ,a divorce uses her own first and second names1 with the surname of the divorced husband4 ,the announcement card is engraved on sheets of white paper similar in size and texture to those used for the invitation4 ,it is posted on the day of the wedding4 ,the forms given above may be modified by adding the name of the ,church in which the ceremony was held1 or the home address of the bride if it was a home wedding4 ,with the wedding invitation or the announcement card the at home card of the bride may be included1 giving the date of her return from the honeymoon and her future address4 ,thus3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,k4 ,n4 ,littleton ,at ,home in ,forest ,hills ,after the eighteenth of ,august ,,invitation ,,to ,,wedding ,,anniversary ,unlike the wedding invitation1 that of the anniversary may display some delicate1 unostentatious design significant of the occasion4 ,it is engraved on sheets or cards which may display the entwined initials of husband and wife1 and the year of the marriage and wedding anniversary4 ,for a silver wedding1 the engraving may be done in silver1 and gold lettering is permissible for the fifty-year anniversary4 ,the two most approved forms for the anniversary invitations are given below3 #ahge #aijj ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,henry ,guy ,ascher ,at ,home ,wednesday evening1 ,may third after eight o'clock ,thirty-two ,pine ,street #ahfc #aiac ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,henry ,guy ,ascher request the pleasure of your company on the ,fiftieth ,anniversary of their marriage on ,thursday1 ,june the third at eight o'clock ,thirty-two ,pine ,street ,,informal ,,wedding ,,invitation ,when a recent death in the family1 or when personal preference results in a so-called quiet wedding1 when only the immediate family and very close friends are invited1 a short note written either by the bride-to-be or her mother1 is the only invitation4 ,following is a note of this kind from the bride-elect to her friend--and immediately below it the correct form of acknowledgment3 ,dear ,janet3 ,two weeks from ,monday1 on the ninth of ,september1 ,mr4 ,brill and ,i are to be married4 ,we are asking only a few of our most intimate friends to be present1 and would be very glad to have you among them4 ,the ceremony will take place at four o'clock4 ,with kindest regards1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,harriet ,b4 ,howe4 ,dear ,harriet3 ,i shall be delighted to attend your wedding on ,september ninth1 at four o'clock4 ,with cordial good wishes to you and ,mr4 ,brill1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,janet ,b4 ,robbins4 ,,acknowledging ,,the ,,formal ,,wedding ,,invitation ,when a breakfast or reception card is included1 a response must be made promptly4 ,the form of the invitation should be followed as nearly as possible4 ,it is written on the first page of a sheet of social note paper1 and addressed to the parents or guardians of the bride4 ,here is the form used for acceptance3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,mortimer accept with pleasure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,fletcher's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter ,helen ,marie to ,mr4 ,thomas ,wolcott on ,tuesday1 the seventh of ,may at twelve o'clock and afterward at the wedding breakfast ,regrets are usually worded in this manner1 following closely the invitation4 ,the reason for non-attendance may or may not be given3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,mortimer exceedingly regret that they are unable to accept ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,fletcher's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter ,helen ,marie to ,mr4 ,thomas ,wolcott on ,tuesday1 the seventh of ,may at twelve o'clock and afterward at the wedding breakfast ,in the fourth line of the first acknowledgment above the two last words at the may be prefixed to the fifth line2 the same holds true of the fifth line of the second acknowledgment4 ,a good stationer will be able to give you the exact prevalent vogue in this matter4 ,,whom ,,to ,,invite ,it is necessary for the young man and woman who are about to be married to make out their list of those to whom invitations are to be sent together4 ,if the wedding is to be a large affair1 not only their friends but the friends of their parents as well1 and business acquaintances of both families should be invited4 ,relatives and friends in mourning should be invited but no resentment should be felt if they do not attend4 ,if the wedding is a small one great care should be taken lest the guests are so numerous as to overcrowd the church or home4 ,especially is this true of the home where the space is usually more circumscribed4 ,,sending ,,the ,,invitations ,all invitations should come from the home of the bride1 even those that are for the personal friends of her husband even if they are unknown to the bride4 ,they should be mailed from one month to two weeks or ten days before the day set for the wedding4 ,if the bride is an orphan they are sent in the name of her nearest relative4 ,if there is an older brother they may be issued in his name1 but never in the name of a sister unless she is a great deal older than the bride or is herself a married woman4 ,if the bride has lost one parent and the other has remarried she may use her own judgment as to whether to send the invitation in the name of her parent or in the names of them both4 ,the latter is usually preferred1 as a matter of consideration toward the step-parent4 ,,recalling ,,the ,,wedding ,,invitation ,a sudden death in the family1 illness1 accident1 or other serious happening1 warrants the recall of wedding invitations4 ,the parents of the bride should immediately notify guests of the postponement of the wedding1 by issuing printed cards4 ,a good size for these cards is three and a quarter inches in length by one and one-quarter inches in width4 ,the text is usually worded in this manner3 ,owing to the sudden death of ,mr4 ,henry ,robert's father1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,curtis are compelled to recall the invitations for their daughter's wedding on ,thursday1 ,february the fourth4 or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,curtis beg to recall the invitations issued for the marriage of their daughter1 ,grace ,helen1 and ,mr4 ,henry ,roberts1 on ,thursday1 ,february the fourth4 ,,breaking ,,an ,,engagement ,a broken engagement is always embarrassing for both the young man and the young lady4 ,friends1 if they are truly well-bred1 will not ask questions1 and relatives will not demand explanations4 ,the obligations which such a situation entails are unpleasant1 but it is infinitely better to go through the ordeal than to face a marriage which is certain to end in disaster4 ,at such a time it is important for the young lady to have the utmost dignity and self-possession4 ,she is not expected to make any announcement or offer any explanations4 ,if a reception has been scheduled1 her mother sends brief notes or engraved cards to those who have been invited1 informing them that the engagement has been broken4 ,the young lady1 if she wishes1 may confide in her intimate friends2 but to be bitter1 to condemn her former suitor in any way1 to suggest that perhaps he was not all that she thought he was at first1 not only reflects on her own good judgment1 but is very poor form and shows lack of delicacy4 ,if the announcement of the engagement has been made in the papers such a notice as this might be inserted in the name of the person or persons who first made the announcement3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,c4 ,d4 ,simmons announce that by mutual consent the engagement between their daughter ,agnes and ,george ,francis ,richards is at an end4 ,if invitations have been sent out a similar announcement may be dispatched to each intended guest4 ,these should be engraved on white cards of the size recommended by the stationer4 ,if the engagement was announced only to intimate friends the bride should send each of them a note stating that the engagement is at an end4 ,it is much better never to give an explanation4 ,such occasions as this must have given rise to the proverb1 ,least said1 soonest mended4 ,even to the bride's dearest friend the following note is sufficient3 ,bellevue1 ,june #a1 #ai-- ,dear ,ruth3 ,since ,i wrote you last week something has happened which has made ,george and me reconsider our engagement4 ,you will therefore please disregard the invitation for ,thursday afternoon4 ,ever sincerely yours1 ,margaret ,franklin4 ,,returning ,,gifts ,when an engagement is broken off the young people return all expensive gifts and all letters that have passed between them4 ,the young lady always1 of course1 returns the engagement ring4 ,if wedding presents have been received from friends these also must be returned with a brief note explaining that the wedding is not to take place4 ,it is necessary to thank the donor as warmly as if nothing had happened4 ,it takes a great deal of courage to face the situation bravely and to go through it without a sacrifice of dignity4 ,one thing must be remembered3 ,don't be afraid of what people will say4 ,it is not their happiness which is at stake4 ,,when ,,death ,,intervenes ,often a death in the family occurs when preparations are under way for a wedding4 ,if the death is that of a parent or very dear relative the wedding should be postponed1 if circumstances permit1 as a mark of respect and sincere sorrow for the deceased4 ,but if the wedding must take place as scheduled1 or even two or three months after the death1 good taste and delicacy demand that it shall be quiet and simple1 with only a few near relatives and friends present4 ,if the ceremony is performed in church there should be no garlands of gay flowers to strike a festive note4 ,a bit of fern or other green foliage here and there is sufficient decoration4 ,the bride may have one bridesmaid and a maid of honor--but an elaborate bridal train is considered poor taste within six months of a dearly beloved one's death4 ,the ceremony itself is dispatched with expedience and rapidity1 yet without any semblance whatever of haste4 ,whether it is held in church or at home1 the wedding during the period of mourning is characterized by a solemn simplicity that has none of the triumphant joyousness of the elaborate wedding4 ,and still the occasion sacrifices none of its happiness1 for sorrow brings to human nature the same mellow sweetness that the flight of time brings to untasted wine4 ,to pay fitting reverence to the dead1 weddings and receptions of all kinds should be postponed4 ,but if circumstances decree that they shall take place1 then the occasion may be marked by so quiet and unpretentious a ceremony that the respect due the deceased is in no way violated4 ,,chapter ,v ,,weddings ,,the ,,church ,,wedding ,the bride and groom decide between them the church where they wish the wedding to take place and the clergyman whom they wish to officiate4 ,when there is no religious difference between the couple the matter is a very simple one and the church which the bride's family regularly attends is the one chosen1 but when he is of one faith and she of another it may assume serious proportions4 ,if neither is inclined to yield gracefully the laws of etiquette decree that the groom should give in1 not only because chivalry demands it but also because the wedding day by right and tradition belongs primarily to the bride4 ,the church should be decorated for the occasion but not with great elaboration4 ,palms1 ferns1 and smilax1 roses1 lilies and other flowers are appropriate4 ,ribbon also may be used effectively4 ,white streamers are sometimes used to mark off the seats which are to be occupied by the relatives and intimate friends of the bride and groom1 but there are many people who do not like to indicate so definitely the lines of demarcation among their guests4 ,extravagance in any of the appointments of the wedding are in extremely bad taste4 ,it is sometimes well to remember the delightful logic of the old lady who said that she did not dress better than she could afford to at home because everybody knew her and there was no use trying to impress them2 and she did not dress better than she could afford when she went to the city because nobody knew her and it did not make any difference whether she impressed them or not4 ,no set form of decoration can be given1 but magnificent ornamentation is out of place in a simple chapel or church1 and in every place profusion beyond one's means is not only ill-bred but foolish4 ,,attendants ,among the ,anglo-,saxons the custom of an impressive escort for the bride had its origin4 ,to-day it is a matter of choice1 and the bride may have as many or as few as she pleases4 ,her maid of honor is usually her sister or her best friend and her bridesmaids are chosen from among those who are dearest to her4 ,the groom chooses the best man and the bride and groom together select the ushers4 ,,the ,,bridesmaids ,although the number of bridesmaids is entirely a matter of choice1 it is the fashion at an elaborate church wedding to have not less than five nor more than ten4 ,a maid or matron of honor1 two little pages or flower girls1 and1 if it is desired1 a third child to bear the cushion to the altar1 completes the bridal train4 ,the bevy of bridesmaids consists of the bride's dearest friends4 ,if she has sisters1 one of them1 as well as one of the bridegroom's sisters1 must be included in her escort4 ,for maid or matron of honor1 the bride selects a sister or intimate friend4 ,it is sometimes customary for the bride to provide the dresses of her bridesmaids4 ,this1 however1 is dependent upon circumstances and conditions1 and is not really essential4 ,it is important1 though1 that the bride visit each bridesmaid personally and request her services at the wedding1 unless she lives at some distance4 ,the bride1 if the wedding is to be an elaborate one1 may suggest to the bridesmaids the kind of gowns she would like them to wear4 ,the young ladies may be trusted to follow her wishes implicitly4 ,no one would willingly mar a friend's wedding by appearing in a gown that does not agree with the general plan4 ,the gowns need not be identical2 but the colors must be the same1 or at least harmonize4 ,light shades are always the fashion for bridesmaids4 ,white1 of course1 for the bride4 ,the bridesmaids should be invited many weeks before the wedding so that they will have ample time for preparation4 ,nearly always the dress has to be made1 and this takes time4 ,it is customary for the bridesmaids to be dressed alike or very nearly alike4 ,the custom had its origin in primitive times when evil spirits were supposed to attend wedding ceremonies and the bride and groom were surrounded by friends of their own age and sex dressed similarly so that the spirits could not single out the happy couple for their evil designs4 ,it is a far cry from that time to this1 and the only reason why the bridesmaids are dressed similarly now is because the effect is so much prettier than could be attained by a miscellaneous array of gowns1 however beautiful each one in itself might be4 ,they carry flowers1 either cut flowers or bouquets1 but their bouquets are never so elaborate as that carried by the bride4 ,usually they wear a bit of jewelry which was presented by the groom4 ,this1 too1 is a curious survival of primitive marriage customs when the groom had to capture the bride1 and because she was fleet-footed and wild 7or perhaps because he was lazy71 bribed her friends to lure her to the place where he was waiting4 ,,rehearsals ,elaborate weddings should always be rehearsed at least once beforehand4 ,in arranging these rehearsals the bride must have in mind the convenience of her attendants1 and by consulting them1 should settle upon a time that will be agreeable for the majority4 ,the requests for one's presence at a rehearsal may be made verbally or by notes4 ,refreshments are usually served afterward at the home of the bride4 ,she must arrange for the opening of the church1 and she should provide a way for the young ladies who are at some distance to get there4 ,the details of the ceremony should be practiced until the whole thing can be accomplished with ease and grace4 ,every possible effort must be made to eliminate a stilted and wooden effect on the actual day of the wedding4 ,,regarding ,,the ,,ushers ,at the rehearsal they should receive careful instructions 7usually from the clergyman71 as a large part of the smoothness and charm of the wedding ceremony depends upon their knowledge of the right thing to do at the right time4 ,on the day of the wedding1 they must be at the church at least an hour before the scheduled time for the ceremony4 ,it is part of their duty to welcome the guests and escort them to their seats4 ,an old custom was for the usher to offer his right arm to a lady1 and although it still prevails1 a more accepted form is for him to welcome each guest with a smile1 precede her down the aisle1 and with a graceful indication1 direct her to her place4 ,front seats should always be reserved for the relatives and most intimate friends of both families4 ,at most fashionable weddings1 the names of the people to receive these front seats are tabulated on cards and given to the ushers4 ,another custom that is permissible is to mark off the number of seats in front that are to be reserved with a white ribbon1 extending from aisle to aisle and terminating at the end seats with pretty bows or festoons4 ,this manner of reserving seats for the guests of honor is not only effective1 but is also decorative4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,day ,june and ,october1 because the weather is usually beautiful and flowers are more abundant than at other times1 are the favorite months for brides1 though there is not a single month out of the twelve that does not see its full quota of elaborate weddings4 ,during ,lent there are fewer than at any other time4 ,there is an old superstition which says that ,friday is an unlucky day for a wedding1 but the prejudice that rose from it has so largely been done away with that the only choice among the days of the week is that which rises from the bride's personal convenience and desire4 ,a wedding may take place at any hour of the day4 ,morning weddings are usually very simple4 ,elaborate ceremonies are usually performed at high noon or in the evening while the wedding that is neither very simple nor very elaborate 7and this means most weddings7 takes place in the afternoon4 ,in a great many instances the hour has to be arranged with reference to the time the train on which the bride and groom expect to leave departs4 ,,arriving ,,at ,,the ,,church ,the wedding party should arrive promptly at the church a few minutes before the time mentioned for the ceremony4 ,few moments are more tensely anxious than those in which a belated member of the wedding party is awaited by the others4 ,for this reason1 it is always better to assemble at the home of the bride rather than in the vestibule of the church or elsewhere4 ,except the groom and best man1 who await the others in the vestry and the ushers who have gone on ahead an hour or so earlier4 ,the bride's mother1 the maid of honor and guests leave the home of the bride first4 ,they are followed by the bridesmaids4 ,the last to leave are the bride and her father4 ,the bride's mother is escorted to her place 7the aisle seat of the front pew on the left side7 by the head usher4 ,those of her children who have no part in the procession accompany her4 ,the family of the bridegroom are similarly conducted to their reserved place1 the front pew on the right side4 ,as soon as the bridesmaids and the bridal party arrive at the door of the church1 the bridegroom is informed1 and the entire cortge assembles in the vestibule4 ,the organist has previously been informed as to what musical selections are to be played1 and as soon as he gets his cue1 he strikes a chord--and while the mellow notes of the organ peal forth 7usually the beautiful tones of the wedding-march from ,lohengrin7 the doors at the foot of the aisle slowly swing open4 ,,wedding ,,music ,the bride usually enters on ,lohengrin and goes out on ,mendelssohn4 ,throughout the ceremony1 except when prayers are being said1 there should be soft music and the organ should continue to play until all the guests have left the church1 unless chimes are rung4 ,in the event that there are chimes they should begin to ring as soon as the bridal party has left the church4 ,the music for a church service may be very stately and impressive4 ,besides the organ stringed instruments may be employed and soloists or a choir may be asked to sing4 ,music is especially pleasing during the time when the guests are waiting for the wedding party to assemble4 ,the musical program in the home is not very different4 ,a piano and one or two stringed instruments furnish the instrumental music while friends of the bride and groom may be requested to sing4 ,these should be rewarded by a gift from the groom4 ,there is a wider choice in the kind of music which may be used at the home wedding1 for the beautiful secular love songs which are out of place at the church are most appropriate here4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,procession ,the order of the wedding procession depends largely upon the number of attendants4 ,the following arrangement is frequently observed3 ,the ushers enter first1 walking slowly down the aisle two by two4 ,the bridesmaids follow in the same manner1 the maid of honor1 who is unattended1 comes next1 followed by the bride1 who leans on the arm of her father4 ,flower girls may precede the procession or they may walk just in front of the bride and a page or pages may be added to the group to bear the train of the bride's gown4 ,the bride is always the last to enter and she comes alone or with whoever is to give her away at the altar4 ,as they reach the altar the ushers separate1 one half moving to the right1 the other to the left4 ,the bridesmaids do likewise1 and the maid of honor steps to the left of the bride while she and her father advance toward the space left at the foot of the altar for them4 ,at this point the groom and best man come forward and the bride slips her hand from her father's arm and places it in the hand of the groom1 who leads her to the clergyman4 ,her father stands at her right4 ,,the ,,ceremony ,the ceremony is performed in accordance with the rites prescribed by the religious belief of the young people who are about to be married4 ,the clergyman is the person to consult about any embarrassing situations that might arise4 ,as the wedding ring is worn on the same finger that has previously worn the engagement ring the bride usually removes the latter and places it on the corresponding finger of the right hand4 ,she may allow it to remain there after the ceremony or she may place it on the same finger with the wedding ring4 ,it is allowable to leave the engagement ring in place and slip the wedding ring on over it4 ,a word about the ring itself4 ,like many another of our practices to-day its use is a survival from primitive times when women were chattels and a man's wife was his property1 his slave to do with as he pleased1 and the ring was of heavy iron1 a sign of bondage4 ,not more than a decade back the ring was too heavy to be comfortable on the finger1 but now it is a slender band of gold or platinum with or without scroll-work or other ornamentation1 as the wearer may desire4 ,its symbolism is very beautiful4 ,the precious metal is an emblem of the purity of the love between a man and his wife and the circle itself is a symbol of eternity4 ,before entering the church the bride removes the glove from her left hand and she may give it with her bouquet to the maid of honor to hold during the ceremony4 ,the practice of ripping one finger of the glove so as to leave it bare for the ring is a very foolish one and has never found favor among people of good breeding4 ,it is the part of the best man to look after the groom4 ,his services may be required in connection with many of the preliminary details of the wedding even in the procuring of the license4 ,at the wedding itself he takes charge of the ring and the clergyman's fee1 giving the former to the groom just before the ceremony requires him to place it on the bride's finger4 ,the bride's father remains directly behind her until the clergyman asks1 ,who giveth this woman to this man8 when he comes forward1 takes his daughter's hand1 lays it in that of the groom1 and says1 ,i do4 ,he then turns away and retires to the pew1 where his wife is sitting4 ,,leaving ,,the ,,altar ,when the final blessing has been pronounced the bridal group may stand at the altar for a while receiving their friends and then break up informally1 or the procession may leave the church in reverse order from that in which they entered1 the bride and groom walking first together1 followed by the best man and the maid of honor and the bridesmaids and the ushers walking in pairs4 ,the automobile of the bride and groom should be waiting at the door to whisk them away to the home of the bride1 where preparations are made for the wedding journey4 ,,throwing ,,the ,,bouquet ,it is a pretty custom for the bride to throw her bouquet among the bridesmaids 7especially lovely when the wedding takes place at home and the bride turns to throw the flowers as she mounts the stairs74 ,it is a happy omen for the young lady who catches the bouquet4 ,she may divide it among the others or she may keep it for herself4 ,it is not compulsory for the bride to part with the bouquet if she prefers to keep it herself4 ,she may press the flowers or she may have rose beads made from the petals or she may dispose of it in any way she desires4 ,a well-known young society woman who was married recently in one of ,new ,york's most exclusive churches1 ordered all the flowers used in decorations to be sent to a certain hospital to gladden the slowly dragging hours of the sufferers4 ,she has created a precedent that every bride should be proud and happy to follow4 ,after all1 the greatest happiness is in making others happy4 ,the joy of the wedding day will gain a new sweetness when a kind deed adds to its pleasure4 ,rather let the sufferers in a hospital enjoy the colorful fragrance of the flowers than permit them to wilt1 forgotten1 in the church4 ,,rice1 ,,etc4 ,frequently a shower of rice follows the departing couple1 and satin slippers are thrown after the car4 ,care must be taken not to overdo this ancient custom1 for although it is considered good luck for one of the satin slippers to alight on the top of the car1 it is certainly bad form to give the occasion any appearance whatsoever of vulgarity4 ,it is interesting to trace this custom back to its origin4 ,among the ancient ,egyptians and ,hebrews a slipper or sandal was a symbol that denoted an exchange of property4 ,women at that time were regarded as property1 and they were given in exchange for other property4 ,later we find1 in ,anglo-,saxon marriages1 that the bride's father delivers her shoe to the bridegroom1 who touches her on the head with it in token of his ownership and authority4 ,the custom prevailed1 and still later we find that the idea of good luck is associated with the throwing of slippers at weddings4 ,rice and grain were combined with the ceremony of throwing shoes1 obviously indicating a plea to the deity of ,productiveness to bless the marriage with an abundant supply of nature's bounties4 ,to-day the custom is still in vogue4 ,old satin slippers and handfuls of rice are thrown after the departing couple4 ,it would not be an objectionable custom if some over-enthusiastic individuals did not overdo it to the extent that it becomes almost riotous4 ,after a solemn1 dignified1 well-ordered wedding ceremony1 and a charming reception1 it is nothing short of ridiculous to spoil it all by boisterously overdoing an old tradition4 ,the cultured person is always well-poised1 always calm--whether it be during the tense moments of the wedding-vow utterances1 or the half-glad1 half-sad moments of seeing the happy pair off4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,reception ,fashionable weddings1 if not celebrated with a wedding breakfast1 are followed by a reception either in the afternoon or evening4 ,all the bridal attendants are present1 and those relatives and friends who have previously received invitations4 ,the reception takes place in the drawing room of the bride's home4 ,the room is decorated with flowers1 and in the hall is a refreshment table on which is punch1 cakes and boxes containing favors for each of the guests4 ,the bride and groom stand together under a floral bell and accept the congratulations and good wishes of the guests4 ,the bride's mother and father are at the door of the drawing room to welcome them1 and the parents of the groom are also ready to receive and welcome the guests as they arrive4 ,it is an important duty of the ushers1 at the wedding reception1 to introduce to the bride all those guests whom she does not know4 ,she accepts their congratulations with a smile and a cordial word or two in acknowledgment of the introduction4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,breakfast ,wedding breakfasts1 though an old ,english custom1 are often held after the church wedding4 ,if it is decided upon1 the guests to be invited should be informed at least two weeks in advance4 ,the occasion has all the dignity and formality of a dinner party4 ,the bride and groom enter the dining room first4 ,they are followed by the bride's mother and the groom's father1 and the groom's mother and the bride's father4 ,the bridesmaids and ushers are always invited to the wedding breakfast1 and they follow immediately after the parents of the happy couple4 ,the precedence of the other invited guests is arranged by the mother of the bride4 ,the menu at a wedding breakfast is never elaborate4 ,consomme or bouillon1 salads1 birds1 ices1 jellies and bonbons are the usual order4 ,coffee and dainty cakes are served last4 ,the wedding cake1 if one is served at all1 is set before the bride4 ,the bride gives one-and-one-half to two hours to her guests at the wedding breakfast4 ,then she retires to her room1 accompanied by the maid of honor and her most intimate friends among the bridesmaids2 and when she appears again she is in traveling costume4 ,the groom has also retired to change his clothes1 and he meets the bride at the foot of the stairs4 ,the motor is at the door in readiness1 and after the last whispered good-bys1 warm handclasps and hasty kisses--the bride and groom are off6 ,,the ,,wedding ,,present ,the custom of giving wedding presents dates from away back in ,dutch history when the relatives and friends of the bride and groom took upon themselves the responsibility of furnishing the new household4 ,great taste and discrimination should be exercised in the selecting of gifts and they should be sent early4 ,two months before the wedding is not too soon4 ,it is wise for the friends whenever possible to consult each other so that they will not duplicate gifts4 ,if most of the silver1 etc41 is gotten from the same jeweler he is a great help in selecting something that is not only appropriate in itself but in harmony with the other gifts4 ,anyone who receives an invitation may send the bride a gift1 though it is not absolutely necessary to respond to the invitation in this way4 ,to the question3 ,what shall the gift be8 the answer is the prettiest and most useful article within one's means4 ,china and silver are always appropriate1 and cut glass1 linen1 books1 and even checks or gold pieces are most acceptable4 ,there is a slight prejudice against giving money as a present at a wedding or at any other time1 but one has only to see the joy that the bride and groom get out of spending the money over and over again before they finally do spend it to have this prejudice dispelled4 ,silver and linen are usually marked with the initials of the bride1 more often than not with the initials of her maiden name4 ,if there is any doubt as to which she prefers and one is not able to find out indirectly1 it is permissible to ask her4 ,gifts should always be accompanied by the cards of the donors1 but these should be removed when they are placed on display4 ,,acknowledging ,,wedding ,,presents ,it is not sufficient merely to keep the cards which accompany the wedding gifts but there must be some system by which the bride can remember which gift each one accompanied4 ,she may indicate this on the card itself or she may keep a list of the names of the donors with the names of the gifts opposite1 but she must be absolutely sure that she is thanking the right person4 ,illustration3 ,brown ,bros4 ,,church ,,decorated ,,for ,a ,,formal ,,wedding ,if the honeymoon is to be only two weeks or thereabouts the bride may wait until her return to thank her friends1 but if it is to be of long duration she should write the notes of acknowledgment as soon as she finds it convenient to do so4 ,these personal notes--and a personal note is the only proper way to thank one for a wedding present--are usually written by the bride1 but she should always be careful to introduce her husband's name unless the gift was a very intimate one for her alone4 ,the following note is a graceful way for both husband and wife to express their gratitude3 ,july #a1 #aiba4 ,dear ,rosalind3 ,george and ,i both wish to thank you for the lovely picture4 ,when we return from ,atlantic ,city we shall hang it in our living room where all of our friends can enjoy it with us4 ,we hope that you will be among the first to visit us in our new home4 ,very sincerely yours1 ,annie ,beard ,hill4 ,sometimes the groom receives personal gifts from friends of his4 ,to these he writes notes of thanks in his own name4 ,,the ,,home ,,wedding ,home weddings can often be made as impressive as church weddings4 ,with correct decorations the most spacious rooms in the bride's house can be transformed into an interior as lovely as the interior of a beautifully decorated church4 ,for instance1 at a fashionable home wedding1 held recently1 the drawing room was decorated with massive floral wreaths and clusters of palms4 ,a huge bell of flowers hung in the center of the room1 and a canopy of flowers1 occupying one corner1 simulated a chapel4 ,the effect was altogether delightful4 ,only close relatives and friends should be invited to the home wedding4 ,the bridegroom does not enter the home of the bride until a half hour before the ceremony begins1 and when he does arrive1 he and his best man do not mingle with the other guests but retire to an adjoining room provided for them4 ,the clergyman also retires to this room when he arrives1 and it is here that he dons his official robe4 ,the three remain until it is announced that the bride is ready to enter the drawing room4 ,the bride's mother1 assisted by her husband1 receives the guests4 ,it is not considered good form to begin the ceremony until they have all arrived4 ,then1 when everything is in readiness1 the bride is met at the head of the stairs by her father1 and is conducted by him to the entrance of the room4 ,usually there is no elaborate wedding procession1 and even in the most fashionable home wedding there is often only a maid or matron of honor to precede the bride4 ,there are rarely more than half a dozen bridesmaids at most4 ,the order of precedence is similar to that of the church wedding2 the clergyman performs the ceremony under a floral canopy1 and when it is completed1 he steps aside and the newly married couple take his place to receive the congratulations and good wishes of the guests4 ,the wedding breakfast or reception proceeds immediately upon the conclusion of the ceremony4 ,everyone present is a guest2 and everyone present attends the reception4 ,,the ,,second ,,wedding ,when a woman marries for the second time1 her wedding should be very conservative4 ,elaborate ceremonies would1 indeed1 be out of place4 ,however1 the more important conditions of the ceremony are followed very much along the same lines4 ,white is for the girl-bride only4 ,the woman who marries for the second time indulges in none of the age-old customs that the first bride does4 ,she does not wear a white veil2 she does not carry orange blossoms2 she does not have flower girls or pages or bridesmaids4 ,the more inconspicuous the second wedding is1 the more it is in accordance with the rules of etiquette4 ,the bride-for-the-second-time may have a maid of honor only on one occasion4 ,if she has a church wedding and invites numerous guests1 she may have a maid of honor to precede her to the altar4 ,as in the first wedding1 her father gives her away4 ,her family assumes all responsibility for the expenses involved unless she prefers to do so herself4 ,if a reception is given after the ceremony1 the same order of precedence is followed as after the first wedding2 the reception may be held either in the home of the bride's parents1 or in her own home4 ,if married in church1 there are none of the elaborate decorations that characterize the first bridal1 although flowers are always acceptable4 ,especially if the second ceremony takes place only a short time after the mourning period for the first husband1 any conspicuous display is in very bad taste4 ,,some ,,important ,,conventions ,it is customary for a widow to remove the engagement ring and wedding ring of her first husband before the day of her second wedding4 ,the sight of them cannot be in any way pleasant to her new husband1 and they may be a source of sorrowful memory to her4 ,it is best to discard them as soon as the second marriage is decided upon4 ,there has always been some doubt as to whether or not the family of the second-bride's first husband should be invited to her wedding4 ,absolutely4 ,there is no reason why they should be ignored1 any more than any of the other friends and acquaintances of the bride4 ,in fact1 she owes them a special courtesy1 and if they accept the invitation1 they must be treated with the kindest attention and courtesy4 ,they must always occupy seats below the white ribbon1 if the wedding is held at church4 ,if there is for any reason dissension or disagreement between her and her first husband's family1 she will not of course invite them4 ,but that may only be an individual case2 the general rule is to invite them and treat them with the utmost consideration4 ,gifts at the second wedding will not be as elaborate as those at the first wedding4 ,however1 each gift must be acknowledged with a cordial note of thanks4 ,in fact1 all the etiquette of the first wedding is observed1 except that it is on a much simpler scale4 ,as for the man who marries for the second time1 he1 too1 follows the original dictates of wedding etiquette1 and eliminates only the farewell bachelor dinner4 ,here also the ceremony and reception is on a considerably less extravagant style4 ,,seeking ,,advice ,the girl or woman who is about to be married can always get helpful suggestions from her friends who have been married or have witnessed fashionable weddings4 ,the minister in charge is especially qualified to give you a great deal of important advice1 and one should never hesitate to consult him4 ,in his official capacity he has doubtless served at many weddings1 many of them well-nigh perfect1 some of them marred by the very blunders that he can teach you to avoid4 ,,wedding ,,anniversaries ,there is something strangely beautiful and poetic in the celebration of a wedding anniversary4 ,it arouses slumbering sentiments and mellows old memories into a throbbing happiness4 ,here are the wedding anniversaries that are usually celebrated in our better society3 ,the ,paper ,wedding--first year4 ,the ,wooden ,wedding--fifth year4 ,the ,tin ,wedding--tenth year4 ,the ,leather ,wedding--twelfth year4 ,the ,crystal ,wedding--fifteenth year4 ,the ,china ,wedding--twentieth year4 ,the ,silver ,wedding--twenty-fifth year4 ,the ,ivory ,wedding--thirtieth year4 ,the ,woolen ,wedding--fortieth year4 ,the ,silk ,wedding--forty-fifth year4 ,the ,golden ,wedding--fiftieth year4 ,the ,diamond ,wedding--seventy-fifth year4 ,although many families celebrate all of these anniversaries1 it is more generally the fashion to disregard all those that come before the quarter-century mark4 ,the first anniversary to be celebrated is usually the silver wedding4 ,the most favored way of doing this is to have a dinner party or a reception4 ,sometimes1 especially when there are young unmarried daughters1 a dance is given and a dinner follows later4 ,,the ,,silver ,,wedding ,cards for the silver wedding reception should be printed on white or silver-gray paper4 ,they may be printed in silver or black4 ,they may be worded in the usual at home form1 or may be in this form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,s4 ,brown request the pleasure of 444444444444's presence at the dinner reception of their ,silver ,wedding on ,tuesday1 ,june the fourteenth at seven o'clock #ahig #aibb ,if an invitation like the one above is issued1 the guests will undoubtedly send beautiful gifts of silver--unless1 as is often the case1 it is requested in the invitation that no gifts be presented4 ,sometimes1 in fact1 the bride and groom of twenty-five years commemorate their silver wedding by themselves1 sending handsome gifts of silver to those who started out in married life at about the same time that they did1 but who have not been materially so fortunate4 ,,the ,,reception ,if a reception celebrates the silver wedding1 the husband assists his wife in receiving4 ,often the occasion begins at the precise hour at which the marriage took place2 but usually the preferred time is in the late afternoon or evening4 ,the bridal couple should make an effort to have as many as the original party of bridal attendants present as possible4 ,it will be interesting for the best man and the maid of honor to have a little chat together after twenty-five years4 ,the husband leads the way to the dining room with his wife on his arm1 and she sits at the right of him at the table4 ,if the historic wedding cake is included in the collation1 it is placed before the bride1 just as it was twenty-five years ago4 ,the table decorations should be white and silver1 with a touch of green4 ,the menu will be the regular formal dinner menu1 served and garnished with a regard for decorative effect4 ,speeches are in order1 and a toast is usually proposed for the couple4 ,the husband responds with a little speech in which he honors his wife1 and she acknowledges with a smile that is in itself sufficient eloquence for the occasion4 ,tiny silver favors1 packed neatly in small white boxes and tied with silver ribbon are effective novelties at the silver wedding4 ,,tin ,,and ,,wooden ,,weddings ,a general frolic is in order at the tin wedding4 ,it is rarely celebrated1 in fact1 unless the ten-year-married husband and wife wish to gather together all their old friends and have a jolly good time4 ,gifts are usually in the form of tin kitchen utensils1 tin candle-sticks1 tin fans1 tin ornaments--even tin tables and chairs are offered as gifts to celebrate the tenth anniversary4 ,a dinner1 very much like the ordinary informal dinner except for the additional tin celebrations1 follows the reception4 ,wooden weddings are not very often held1 although some very fashionable ones are recorded in the annals of social history4 ,rolling-pins1 step-ladders1 and wooden kitchen utensils cause much merriment when presented as gifts1 and the occasion is generally one of much pleasant raillery4 ,wooden ornaments make very appropriate gifts for this wedding1 and a bit of wood artistically carved is always welcome to the five-year bride who loves pretty things for the home4 ,,the ,,golden ,,wedding ,to have lived fifty years together1 to have shared for fifty years each other's sorrows1 joys and hopes1 is to have enjoyed one of the greatest gifts life has to offer4 ,it is an occasion well worthy of the most elaborate celebration4 ,a golden wedding has a touch of the romantic1 a touch of the sentimental about it4 ,poets like to write about it2 people like to dream about it4 ,when it becomes a reality1 all the world likes to watch--and wonder4 ,it is a solemn and dignified event and should be treated as an occasion of the utmost importance4 ,the couple should issue pure white cards engraved in gold1 announcing the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of their wedding day4 ,it is touching to have the maid of honor and the best man present1 if they are both still living4 ,as many of the original bridal attendants as are available should be invited1 and all the old friends and acquaintances of the family4 ,there must be no levity1 the couple must be treated with reverence and honor1 and the occasion must be given every appearance of dignified importance4 ,unlike the silver wedding1 gifts are always presented to the aged couple at the golden wedding4 ,delicate pieces of gold jewelry are always pleasing to the bride4 ,the groom may be presented with gold shirt-studs1 cuff-links or rings4 ,gold services1 gold chased cups1 golden goblets and golden candle sticks are most appropriate4 ,the dinner should be elaborate4 ,a huge wedding cake1 inscribed with a frosting of the surnames and wedding date of the couple is worthy of holding the place of honor in the center of the table4 ,once again the bride enjoys the privilege of being the first to cut the cake--and in or with each slice that is given to the guests there should be some little golden token1 a ring or thimble or tiny jewel box4 ,if this is too costly1 a golden flower such as a daffodil may be placed on each plate4 ,a beautiful and touching sentiment to be observed on the golden wedding is for the bride to wear something from her wedding day4 ,perhaps it is a treasured bit of the bridal veil4 ,perhaps it is a fan1 or a pair of gloves1 or even the wedding dress itself4 ,she also carries a bouquet of white flowers--as she did fifty years ago on her first wedding day4 ,,the ,,golden ,,wedding ,a ,,glorious ,,achievement ,beautiful indeed is the celebration of the golden wedding4 ,with her children and grandchildren and friends grouped around her1 with her husband at her side1 doing her every honor he might pay a newly-won bride1 the bride of fifty years can be naught but inexpressibly happy--though memories of lost youth rise constantly to haunt her4 ,it is glorious--this reaching fifty years of married life--and any couple may well be proud to commemorate its occasion4 ,and1 after all1 isn't it happiness that makes life worth while8 ,of what use is wealth and power and position if we cannot have the ones we love1 the ones who love us8 ,the man and woman who have lived together in happy companionship for fifty years have more in their love of each other than the man who has lived alone for fifty years and amassed tremendous riches4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,,the ,,bride',s ,,outfit ,,origin ,,of ,,the ,,trousseau ,one must study the marriage customs of many countries before the development of the trousseau idea can be fully traced4 ,but it is interesting--especially to the bride--to discover that at her impressive marriage ceremony to-day she is merely repeating the ancient customs of her ancestors1 so very far back that ,europe itself was not yet known4 ,we find the first trace of it in the book of ,genesis 7,gen4 xxiv4 #ec74 ,perhaps you remember the story4 ,abraham's servant ,eliezer brought handsome jewels to ,rebecca as a seal to the marriage compact4 ,it is one of the earliest evidences of outfitting for the wedding4 ,and then we find a trace of it among the early ,eskimos1 where the bridegroom must supply his bride with all the clothes necessary for the honeymoon4 ,later1 in ,roumania1 we find the clothes and shoes are a very important part of the gifts to the bride4 ,largely from the customs practiced in this latter country1 but also from ,italy1 ,sweden1 and ,greece1 the idea of the marriage trousseau sprang4 ,the development is most marked in ,roumania4 ,here we find the tiniest girls1 some of them as young as five years1 working on bridal finery--each one striving to outdo the other in beauty and elaboration of work4 ,each finished article is laid carefully away in a huge chest1 until such time as a suitor appears4 ,in days gone by1 the bridegroom had the privilege of examining the trousseau and deciding whether or not it was complete1 and often his choice rested upon the worth of the bride's outfit4 ,perhaps it was because a complete outfit was so very necessary to the young girl starting out upon her new duties as a wife that the development of the trousseau has been so rapid4 ,in the year #acjh1 at the wedding of ,edward ,,ii to ,isabella of ,france1 the trousseau played an important part indeed4 ,here is a description of the bride's outfit1 as taken from ,e4 ,l4 ,urlin's book1 ,a ,short ,history of ,marriage3 ,she 7,isabella7 brought two gold crowns ornamented with gems1 gold and silver drinking vessels1 golden spoons and fifty silver plates4 ,her dresses were made of gold and silver stuff1 velvet and taffetas4 ,she had six dresses of green cloth1 six of rose scarlet and many costly furs4 ,for linen she had #dai yards1 and the tapestries for her chamber were elaborate with the arms of ,england and ,france woven in gold4 ,elaborate1 yes1 and certainly fit for a queen4 ,but perhaps we find the trousseaux of our misses of the twentieth century more interesting6 ,,the ,,trousseau ,,of ,,to-,,day ,it would be ridiculous to attempt to list the articles that must be included in the trousseau of the bride of to-day4 ,this matter must be entirely dependent upon circumstances1 means and convenience4 ,there can be no definite set of rules to govern the contents of one's wedding outfit4 ,but there are certain conventionalities we can discuss that may be of value to the bride in preparing for her wedding4 ,there is1 of course1 something very beautiful in the thought of making one's trousseau entirely by hand4 ,and there is an old tradition about sewing happiness into the wedding outfit that brides like to believe4 ,but when we glance at the shop windows with their lavish displays of the daintiest creations1 and when we think of the professional modiste with her developed sense of the artistic1 we must admit that it is not a practical custom4 ,it used to be the practice for each young girl to have a hope chest into which she put linens1 etc41 against the wedding day4 ,this was during the time when most of the trousseaux were made by hand4 ,it seems rather a foolish waste of time for the girl of moderate means to sit for endless hours sewing on rows and rows of lace when machine made garments may be had at reasonable figures4 ,if she chooses her things carefully they will bear the stamp of her personality almost as much as if she had fashioned them herself2 and1 of course1 there are many finishing touches that she can add which make the things peculiarly her own1 such as initials and monograms1 crocheted edges1 etc4 ,it is gratifying to note that the trousseau of to-day does not contain such frilly1 useless things as did the trousseaux of our grandmothers' time4 ,linens boast deep folds of the material and neat hemstitching instead of huge borders and inserts of lace4 ,under-things are made and bought with a regard for wear and utility1 rather than merely to be pretty to look at4 ,the entire outfit shows a tendency to be more useful and less ornamental4 ,which is1 of course1 as it should be4 ,and now let us consider some of the more important items to be included4 ,,about ,,the ,,linens ,in selecting her linens the bride should pay particular attention to quality2 the amount she buys depends upon the size of the new home1 and upon the means at her command4 ,there must be sheets and pillow-cases2 bath towels and kitchen towels1 napkins and table-covers4 ,if she is fond of handwork1 there may be hand-embroidered linens for the bed-spreads1 hand-embroidered linen scarfs and hand-embroidered centerpieces of linen4 ,one bride we know included a twenty-yard bolster of uncut linen in her trousseau in addition to the items mentioned above4 ,if one can afford it1 it is best to start out with a generous supply of linens1 as somehow the older they grow1 the longer we have them1 the more precious they become4 ,linens are usually initialed4 ,when household and personal linens are marked1 they bear the initials of the bride's maiden name4 ,towels for the bath are marked with a single initial in white or colored thread1 to match the border4 ,table-covers1 if initialed at all1 have the letters placed in the center1 half-way between the middle and edge of the table2 napkins are initialed in the corner4 ,white linens are invariably initialed in white4 ,,for ,,the ,,bride ,girl1 do not exult in thy wedding dress2 see how much trouble lurks behind it1 says an old ,syrian proverb4 ,but where is the little ,american bride who does not exult in her dainty wedding things--who does not glory in the silks and cottons and laces and ribbons of her trousseau8 ,always a lover of the beautiful--especially in clothes--she finds a new charm in these pretty things that portend so much happiness to come4 ,there are her underthings--soft1 frivolous1 much-beribboned chemises1 camisoles and petticoats4 ,some are of practical muslin or soft1 crinkly crpe4 ,others are of rich crpe-de-chine1 and lately1 knitted undergarments of silk are favored4 ,then1 there are the dresses1 her chief delight4 ,there is one smart street dress of serge or poiret twill2 an afternoon frock or two of taffeta1 georgette or satin as she prefers2 one elaborate evening gown for important occasions1 and one very much less elaborate for semi-evening affairs4 ,and if she is a wise bride1 she will include a smart dark-colored suit1 with several fluffy little blouses4 ,then1 of course1 there are the crisp1 neat1 becoming little frocks for the morning-at-home4 ,but she should not make the mistake1 which is all too common to brides1 of getting several times as much as she needs4 ,other details1 such as hose1 shoes and hats are best decided by the bride herself4 ,in fact1 the entire trousseau must be determined by the bride in proportion to such important considerations as her means1 the length of the honeymoon1 and the distance of the trip she expects to make4 ,the items above were offered as a suggestion1 and one may add or detract according to the dictates of common sense4 ,it is suggested1 however1 that the trousseau be small and carefully selected1 rather than large and expensive1 for the fashions are constantly changing and not even so momentous an occasion as one's wedding warrants heedless extravagance4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,dress ,the origin of the white gown for the bride is not very difficult to trace4 ,white1 since time immemorial1 has been the color used to denote purity4 ,white animals1 in certain countries1 are held sacred1 just as the white flowers are sacred elsewhere4 ,the exclusive use of white for the bride is supposed to have grown out of an old custom of the ,patagonians1 who cover the body with white paint on the eve of the wedding ceremony4 ,to-day the keynote of the wedding gown is simplicity4 ,the days of elaborate gowns with trains so heavy with the weight of precious jewels that eight girls had to carry them1 is over4 ,the sensible ,american bride knows that simplicity is more becoming to the solemn dignity of the occasion than extremely elaborate dress4 ,with styles constantly changing as they do1 it would be of no value to offer any description here4 ,however1 this little item1 taken from the announcement of a fashionable wedding recently held1 may offer some helpful suggestions3 ,the gown in which ,miss ---- became the ,countess ---- was of heavy white satin cut with an almost austere simplicity4 ,the drapery of the skirt was marked with a garland of lilies and orange-blossoms4 ,the tulle veil was bordered with old ,english point lace1 an heirloom of the ---- family4 ,from a study of the descriptions of other bridal gowns at recent important weddings1 we find that satin is without doubt the favorite material4 ,crpe-de-chine and heavy white brocade are also used2 and the bride may select whichever material she likes best1 something soft and clinging unless she is inclined to be too slender1 when taffeta is more suitable4 ,undoubtedly1 no matter what the style of the gown happens to be1 it should boast a train2 and a draped skirt is always a popular wedding mode4 ,the length of the sleeves and skirt is entirely governed by the fashion of the moment4 ,white satin slippers and white gloves enhance the simple beauty of the wedding gown4 ,jewels are rarely worn1 except1 perhaps1 one large gem--a gift of the groom4 ,,the ,,bride',s ,,veil ,according to the marriage rites of the ancient ,hebrews1 ordained in days when marriage itself was unknown in many countries1 a canopy must be held over the bride and groom by four intimate friends of the family4 ,later1 we find that this custom among the early ,hebrews1 presaged an ,anglo-,saxon custom of erecting a care cloth 7a square vestment7 above the bride and groom4 ,out of this developed that of covering the bride alone2 to-day the beautiful bridal veil is the result of those ancient customs4 ,not so long ago1 the veil was of tulle1 and from the top of the bride's head it fell over her shoulders1 completely enveloping her to the very tips of her shoes4 ,this all-enveloping veil is no longer considered good form4 ,in its place1 is the very charming veil that is gathered into a becoming1 flower-trimmed crown at the back of her head1 falling gracefully to the train of the dress1 leaving the face entirely uncovered4 ,the veil is always of filmy material4 ,tulle is favored2 and lace is particularly beautiful1 especially if it is old lace that has been a long time in the bride's family4 ,however1 tulle is preferable to imitation lace4 ,orange blossoms or tiny lilies-of-the-valley may be entwined around the crown of the head1 a spray or two nestling in the folds of the veil4 ,,wedding ,,flowers ,important1 indeed1 is the bride's bouquet4 ,many a delicate flower pressed between the leaves of a book and cherished in mind and heart alike is silent and eloquent proof of this fact4 ,the most conventional form is the shower bouquet4 ,this is a veritable cascade of flowers and ribbon2 white roses1 orange-blossoms or lilies-of-the-valley--or a combination of all three--are massed together in the center1 entwined with narrow satin ribbon4 ,from this heart of flowers lengths of ribbon wound around individual flowers trail almost to the hem of the bride's gown4 ,it produces a most charming effect4 ,often an ordinary bouquet of flowers is carried1 which is just as pretty if not as elaborate as the shower bouquet4 ,green foliage is1 of course1 permissible2 but there is a tendency against flowers of bright hues4 ,appearing entirely in white1 is one of the customs which1 ordinarily1 the bride should observe1 not only for the traditions woven around it1 but the suggestions of sweet dignity1 purity and girlishness that are associated with it4 ,lilies are appealing bridal flowers for this same reason4 ,an exception is the civil wedding1 or the hurried1 simple wedding when the bride is attired in traveling costume4 ,but this will be taken up in detail in a later paragraph4 ,,dress ,,of ,,the ,,maid ,,of ,,honor ,satin is the most favored material for the dress of the maid of honor4 ,it may be white1 trimmed with pale colors1 or it may be entirely pale pink or pale blue or some other becoming color4 ,on no occasion may the maid of honor be dressed in pure white4 ,her dress is always different from those worn by the bridesmaids4 ,the style is a matter of taste and prevalent fashion4 ,if the wedding takes place at noon in a church1 the gown is either sleeveless or with very short sleeves1 and it may or may not have a train1 according to the taste of the wearer4 ,like the bride1 she wears white gloves and carries flowers4 ,if the wedding is held in the afternoon or evening1 at home1 the maid of honor's gown is less formal4 ,it may be a dainty afternoon frock of taffeta or satin1 sometimes embroidered georgette dresses are worn--that is1 for the afternoon alone4 ,when it is in the evening1 a silk gown may be worn4 ,,marrying ,,in ,,traveling ,,dress ,very often1 when a wedding takes place before twelve o'clock1 or when because of a difference of religious opinion the ceremony is performed by a ,justice of the ,peace1 or when the wedding is to be a very simple one1 or when for a number of other possible reasons the bride wishes it she wears a smart traveling suit instead of the white wedding gown4 ,the suit should be conservative in style and color4 ,flowers should be in the form of a corsage4 ,neither bouquets nor cut flowers are carried when one is in traveling costume4 ,instead of a suit a dress may be worn but it must be an attractive afternoon frock or street dress1 not an evening dress of any sort4 ,when the bride is a widow marrying for the second time her dress is characterized by extreme simplicity whether the wedding takes place in the afternoon or evening4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,funerals ,,funeral ,,customs ,there is no more eloquent commentary on the vanity of human wishes than the pomp and ceremony which1 since the first syllable of recorded time have attended funeral services4 ,kings and emperors have erected splendid mausoleums in which they and their families might be buried1 ,pharaohs have kept slaves at work for twenty years on a pyramid beneath whose stones their bones might rest1 savages in lonely forests have builded great mounds under which their chiefs may wait for the time to go to the ,happy ,hunting grounds4 ,slave and emperor1 prince and pauper--it is all the same4 ,last week in ,new ,york a woman died in the ward where they treat patients free of charge1 yet for more than fifteen years she had been paying premiums on an insurance policy which would permit her to have a funeral as good as anybody's funeral4 ,three weeks ago a boy in a small town in ,iowa spent nearly all he had in defraying the expenses of the funeral of his mother4 ,in this case1 and indeed in many another1 a simple ceremony would have been far more appropriate1 for even in paying the last tributes of respect to the dead there must be the saving grace of common sense4 ,it is like salt--everything is the better for a pinch of it4 ,recently a candidate for the ,doctor's degree at one of the largest universities in the country chose for the subject of his thesis ,funeral ,customs throughout the ,ages4 ,it is too large a subject for us to enter into here1 and it would profit us little1 for the day of hired mourners and splendid pageantry together with obtrusive music and gorgeous flowers is past4 ,simplicity characterizes the entire service among well-bred people everywhere4 ,the music is soft and the flowers in many cases are sent to the hospitals where they may gladden the sufferers there instead of being allowed to wilt neglected on the grave4 ,more often than not1 nowadays1 there is added to the notice of the funeral which is inserted in the newspapers the sentence1 ,please omit flowers4 ,even in the most primitive times it was felt that the dead were going forth on a long1 long journey from which they would never return1 and their friends wanted to do whatever they could to speed them along the way4 ,it was in this manner that the custom of offering gifts to the dead came about4 ,these gifts range all the way from food and household utensils to clothing1 weapons and money4 ,the money was sometimes gold1 sometimes silver and sometimes paper1 but in most instances it was to serve as a tip to the ferryman who was to row them across the river that separates this life from the next4 ,,the ,,funeral ,,of ,,to-,,day ,not long ago a ,new ,york newspaper devoted a full page in its magazine section to an article called ,a ,king's ,mother ,buried4 ,the purpose of the article was to reveal forcibly the mockery of some of our elaborate funerals of to-day1 and show how they are proportionately no more civilized than those barbarous rituals of the early days4 ,the story is worthy of repetition here4 ,a certain savage queen was murdered by her son4 ,to convince the people that she had died a natural death1 the son made her burial especially elaborate and impressive4 ,first a huge hole was dug in the ground1 in which the dead queen was placed in an upright position4 ,beside her was placed a large jug of water4 ,and into this great hole were placed also ten young girls1 who were to be buried alive to accompany the dead queen upon her journey4 ,the hole was then covered with earth1 and above it thousands of men were set to fighting each other until the ground was soaked with blood4 ,this was not only to honor the dead queen1 but to keep ill-luck away from the king4 ,you are horrified when you read about this savage burial4 ,you wonder at the superstitious ignorance that allows ten girls to be buried alive1 and thousands of young men to be slaughtered1 merely in honor of a murdered queen and her brutal son4 ,but considering the knowledge of those savages and our knowledge to-day1 their education and our education1 we find that we are entitled to no excessive praise4 ,the funerals to-day are often comparatively as ridiculous and uncivilized1 though the tendency is certainly toward better things4 ,to give one specific instance1 there is the widow who spends every dollar left her by a departed husband to pay for an elaborate funeral for him4 ,in the eyes of the world1 he must be buried right2 and though it leaves her in debt1 she makes an impressive funeral service4 ,would it not have been more sensible to bury him simply and unostentatiously1 preserving a little of the money left her for the necessities of life8 ,it is one of the ironies of life that often more attention and honor are paid to the dead than they ever receive in life4 ,if we study present-day funerals carefully we will find that they have much in common with those savage burials of other days4 ,it is because we do things merely because others did the same things before us4 ,we have certain beliefs because tradition says they are true1 and therefore1 no matter how absurd they are1 they are right1 and we must hold to them with the same fervor of conviction that makes the savage cling to his4 ,,when ,,death ,,enters ,,the ,,family ,aside from its psychological aspects--those entailing fear1 superstition and the belief in religious and traditional customs--death brings with it heartache and sorrow4 ,to lose a beloved one in death is to be conscious of the intangible something that binds the world together1 and upon which all civilization is based4 ,we call it love2 and we know that it is the deepest tie of affection--indeed1 the deepest emotion--of which human nature is capable4 ,and so1 death brings with it sorrow and misery4 ,those of us who are most directly concerned can think of no rules of etiquette1 no customs of good society1 when we are suffering a deep bereavement4 ,we think only of our great loss1 and of our great sorrow4 ,that is why it is necessary for us all to know the rules of correct conduct1 so that when death does enter our household we will instinctively do what is correct4 ,it is a test like this that shows innate good breeding4 ,one great rule to remember1 for those who come in contact with people who have lost a beloved member of the family1 is that sorrow is sacred1 and that it is one of the most unforgivable breaches of good behavior to intrude upon it4 ,a note of condolence1 or a brief visit is a necessary social duty2 but constant intrusion upon grief is as unkind and inconsiderate as it is ill-bred4 ,,taking ,,charge ,the world over1 funeral customs have one factor in common3 the belief that the dead man has not ceased to live4 ,this belief finds expression in rites and ceremonies4 ,it is for this reason that funeral and mourning practices are highly conventional4 ,another reason1 perhaps1 is because death is a shock1 and a round of conventional ceremonies alleviates that strained feeling during the period of readjustment4 ,thus1 the members of the bereaved family should be left as nearly alone to their grief as possible4 ,nothing in the nature of business should be thrust upon them4 ,a male member of the family should take complete charge2 or the immediate duties may be left in the hands of the nearest outside relatives4 ,but whoever does take charge should see that the family is not troubled with the minor details1 and that the funeral ceremony is carried out according to the family's preconfided wishes4 ,the duties of the person1 or persons1 who take charge are many and varied4 ,the first duty is to see that all the blinds are drawn and that the door-bell is muffled4 ,proper announcements must be made in the newspapers1 pall-bearers must be selected1 and the arrangements must be made with the sexton for the funeral itself4 ,the clergyman who is to officiate must be interviewed and all the details concerning services1 music and decorations of the church must be determined4 ,upon the person in charge also rests the duty of seeing that the undertaker does not take advantage of his authority to the extent of making the funeral unduly lavish4 ,it is within the power of the person who takes charge at a funeral to mitigate considerably the grief of the family4 ,and it is a service that the family will not soon forget4 ,,announcing ,,the ,,death ,modern funeral customs demand a few lines in the newspapers making public announcement of a death4 ,attendant ceremonies are also included for the benefit of friends and acquaintances of the family4 ,following is a typical announcement of a death1 copied with only a change in names from the newspaper3 ,radcliff--,at her residence1 #daj ,west ,fiftieth ,street1 ,rose ,speyer ,radcliff1 daughter of ,james and ,helen ,wilson ,speyer1 and beloved wife of ,robert ,l4 ,radcliff4 ,funeral services in the ,chapel of ,st4 ,bartholomew's ,church1 ,park ,avenue and ,fiftieth ,street1 ,new ,york ,city1 on ,saturday morning1 #aa o'clock4 ,interment at ,waterbury1 ,conn4 ,when an announcement of this kind appears in the newspapers all friends and relatives of the family are expected to appear at ,st4 ,bartholomew's ,church on ,saturday morning at #aa o'clock to attend the services4 ,if the words ,funeral private or ,interment private are added to the announcement1 it is the height of ill-breeding for any except very intimate friends and relatives to be present4 ,very often the request ,kindly omit flowers1 or ,please omit flowers is added to the announcement of a death4 ,in this event it is still the privilege of a friend to send flowers to some member of the family or to the family as a whole after the funeral ceremony has taken place4 ,,some ,,necessary ,,preparations ,where there are servants1 one should be stationed at the door to receive cards and messages4 ,otherwise this duty devolves upon the person who is taking charge4 ,the servant should wear a black gown1 white collar and cuffs and a white apron and white cap with black ribbons4 ,if a man-servant is stationed at the door he wears a complete black livery4 ,with the growing taste for privacy and simplicity1 many of the foolish demonstrations of grief1 expressed in outward display1 have been eliminated4 ,it is now a very rare occurrence for the room in which the dead body lies to be filled with wreaths and masses of flowers1 for people are beginning to realize that this is a relic of ancient and savage burial customs1 and that it is not so much a manifestation of grief as a display of vanity4 ,of course it is a pretty way of expressing sentiment to send a floral offering to some one who has died2 but modern principles of good conduct acclaim it better taste1 and certainly more dignified1 to express these sentiments of regard in some other way4 ,a short expression of sorrow appearing as a semi-public announcement in the newspaper after the announcement of the death may be offered by a group of friends or business associates but it is not good form for a member of the family of the deceased to insert such an announcement in the papers4 ,family grief is private2 and publicity cheapens it4 ,the somber crpe announcing to the world that a death has occurred in the family is also fast becoming a thing of the past4 ,one can easily see in this custom of crpe-hanging a relic of that custom of ancient ,patagonia that required all belongings of the deceased to be painted black4 ,even the body of the person who died was covered with black paint4 ,the black crpe of to-day is merely another form of that same custom4 ,now1 instead of the broad black ribbon1 a wreath or long sprays of white or lilac flowers are entwined around the flowing ends of white ribbon4 ,this is especially appropriate when the deceased is a young person--man or woman4 ,for a girl of tender years1 or for a very young child1 a sheaf of white roses or white carnations with white ribbons should be used2 roses and violets with a white ribbon1 or roses with a black ribbon denote the death of an older unmarried man or woman4 ,the plain crpe streamers are usually used for married people4 ,custom still demands this flower-and-ribbon tribute to the dead on the door of his or her residence1 but gradually this custom1 too1 will be relegated to the forgotten things of the past4 ,,the ,,ladies ,,of ,,the ,,family ,a close friend or relative of the bereaved family should make the necessary purchases for the women members of that family4 ,it is considered bad form for them to be seen abroad before the funeral4 ,a dressmaker should be summoned to the house if orders are to be given for mourning dress4 ,the duty of writing necessary notes and seeing callers also devolves upon some intimate relative or friend4 ,notes or letters written in the name of the family are on either black-edged or plain white paper1 and signed with the names of the people for whom they are written4 ,thus1 if ,mrs4 ,carr's husband has died1 and her cousin is attending to the incident preparations and duties1 the notes and letters written for ,mrs4 ,carr would be signed with her name and not the name of the cousin1 but with the initials of the cousin beneath the signature4 ,the ladies of a bereaved family should not see callers1 even the most intimate friends1 unless they are able to control their grief4 ,it is a source of discomfort to the visitor1 as well as to the mourner1 to enact a scene of semi-hysteria in the drawing-room4 ,yet1 at a time like this1 one can hardly be expected to be in full control of one's emotions4 ,therefore it is always wise for the women to keep to their rooms until after the funeral4 ,,the ,,pall-,,bearers ,if a guard of honor is to be appointed1 the person in charge should consult the wishes of the immediate family4 ,those who are asked to serve receive an invitation by note or by messenger1 sent either by the head of the family of the deceased or by the person in charge4 ,relatives are seldom appointed as pall-bearers4 ,a request to serve as pall-bearer should be refused only for the most imperative reasons4 ,the number and age of the pall-bearers is a matter of taste and not of obligation4 ,but it is considered good form to have six young girls1 dressed in white1 as the guard of honor for a young girl or woman4 ,they should be selected from among intimate friends4 ,similarly1 six young men are appropriate for a young man who has died2 while for an elderly married man1 eight gentlemen from among his closest friends and business associates form the usual guard of honor4 ,the pall-bearers1 in the invitation1 are told just when they are expected to assemble at the house of the deceased1 and they should make it a particular point to be on time4 ,there can be no greater breach of good manners1 and in fact no greater unkindness1 than to keep a funeral party waiting4 ,if the pall-bearers are to be women1 the carriages or cars may be sent for them individually2 but as a general rule1 pall-bearers are shown to their carriage or car before the door1 when the funeral procession begins4 ,it is customary for all who attend a church funeral to assemble at the church1 but this rule does not pertain to the pall-bearers4 ,they are the only ones who accompany the immediate family and relatives from the house4 ,unless a special request to the contrary has been made1 pall-bearers may send flowers if they wish4 ,,duties ,,of ,,pall-,,bearers ,a prompt answer is necessary upon receipt of an invitation to serve as pall-bearer4 ,illness or absence from town at the time of the funeral are the only excuses for refusing to accept the invitation4 ,the written answer must be followed by a personal call at the home of the deceased1 and cards must be left4 ,formerly the duty of the pall-bearer was to carry the cloth or velvet pall that covered the coffin--hence the name4 ,later the custom developed into a more important duty--the pall-bearers actually carried the casket into and out of the church4 ,this is still done1 although now the accepted form is for the pall-bearers to appear solely as a guard of honor for the dead4 ,in this latter case1 they walk before the casket which is carried by the undertaker's or sexton's assistants4 ,they halt before the hearse and stand in silent reverence with heads uncovered1 while the casket is being placed into it1 and again when it is taken out to be conveyed into the church4 ,they do not enter their cars until the hearse has passed on ahead4 ,each pall-bearer should speak a few words of condolence to the members of the bereaved family4 ,however1 he must not make obvious efforts to observe this duty1 nor must he intrude upon grief4 ,he offers his words of comfort only when it is convenient and when he is brought1 by his duties1 into the presence of his sorrowing friends4 ,he should be kind1 and most of all1 tactful4 ,he should not say anything that will cause a fresh outburst of grief4 ,a few days after the funeral1 it is expected that the pall-bearer call and leave his card for the mourners4 ,it is necessary only for him to inquire at the door after the ladies and to leave his card4 ,it is more considerate not to ask to see the members of the family4 ,,the ,,church ,,funeral ,because it is closely allied with religion1 the funeral ceremony is nearly always conducted at church4 ,of course this is something entirely dependent upon conditions and personal preferences1 but the church funeral is always more dignified and impressive4 ,the pall-bearers and nearest relatives of the deceased assemble at the house4 ,otherwise1 all who are to attend the funeral assemble at the church4 ,the casket is borne from the house by the undertaker's assistants1 the pall-bearers preceding it two-by-two4 ,as soon as the hearse drives off1 the pall-bearers enter the carriages or cars immediately behind it1 and the relatives follow in the next cars in the order of their relationship4 ,when the procession is ready to move1 the music begins and the casket is borne down the aisle to the altar by the sexton's assistants4 ,sometimes the pall-bearers carry the casket to the altar4 ,,order ,,of ,,precedence ,when attending the body of their child1 parents walk arm in arm1 their other children following immediately behind them in the order of seniority4 ,pall-bearers invariably precede the casket4 ,a widow attends the body of her husband on the arm of her eldest son or daughter1 with her other children just behind4 ,after them come the deceased man's parents1 followed by his brothers and sisters4 ,similarly1 a widower follows the body of his wife attended by his eldest son or daughter4 ,children following the body of their only parent take precedence according to their ages1 the elder always leading4 ,a widow who has no children follows her husband on the arm of a brother or other near masculine relative4 ,during the services at the church1 the relatives occupy the front pews on the right of the center aisle4 ,the pall-bearers sit in the opposite pews on the left-hand side4 ,after the services the procession leaves the church in the same order observed upon entering4 ,if prayers are to be offered at the grave1 the car of the clergyman follows immediately after the hearse4 ,different religions have different burial services1 but these are matters of faith rather than of etiquette4 ,,the ,,house ,,funeral ,a house funeral should always be very simple4 ,few flowers are used by people of good taste4 ,at a house funeral1 a number of folding-chairs may be provided by the undertaker4 ,the casket is placed on a draped stand at one end of the drawing-room1 such flowers as are used being placed on and around it4 ,the room may or may not be darkened according to the wishes of the family4 ,each guest should be greeted at the door by some representative of the family and shown to a seat in the drawing-room4 ,a row of seats should be reserved near the casket for the immediate family1 one being set aside for the clergyman who is to officiate4 ,though it is not obligatory it is very courteous to send a carriage or an automobile for him4 ,a ,protestant clergyman does not expect a fee but if he has come some distance or if the family wishes to express their thanks in that manner they may offer one which he is privileged to accept with perfect propriety4 ,it is not necessary to appoint pall-bearers for a home funeral4 ,a quiet reserve and dignity should characterize the occasion1 and it should be carried out with the greatest amount of expediency possible4 ,if music is desired1 the musicians or choristers should be in an adjacent room and the notes should be very low and soft4 ,women do not remove their wraps during the ceremony1 and men carry their hats in their hands4 ,the women members of the bereaved family enter on the arms of masculine relatives1 and if they intend going to the cemetery1 they wear their hats and veils4 ,the members of the family1 however1 do not enter the drawing-room until the clergyman arrives4 ,after the ceremony the guests quietly disperse1 only those remaining who intend going to the cemetery4 ,it is not expected that expressions of sympathy be offered on this occasion2 cards are left for the family immediately after the announcement of the death1 and a call of condolence is made1 according to society's rules1 within a week after the funeral4 ,thus it is superfluous to offer sympathy at the services1 unless one is a very dear friend and wishes particularly to do so4 ,a ,,point ,,of ,,importance ,very often the women of the family1 or perhaps just one woman1 finds her grief uncontrollable4 ,even though the funeral is private1 and only relatives and close friends are present it is the privilege of the bereaved to keep to her room and find solace in solitude4 ,the world will not censure her for being absent2 it is a time when petty conventions may safely be overlooked4 ,when one is grieving1 suffering1 miserable2 and prefers to find peace alone1 without the sympathies of others1 she has every right in the world to do so4 ,and she is breaking no rules of good conduct1 either1 for people of good breeding will recognize the depth of her overpowering grief4 ,surely it is better to remain away from the services than to go in a state of hysteria4 ,when sorrow is so poignant1 private home services are usually held1 in which case the immediate members of the family may gather in a room adjoining that in which the guests are assembled4 ,even in the deepest grief it is possible to remember and observe the great law--be calm1 be silent and serene1 and tears do not always mean sorrow1 nor loud wailing1 grief4 ,,removing ,,signs ,,of ,,grief ,upon their return from the funeral1 the family should find the windows open with the warm sunlight streaming through them and all outward signs of sorrow removed4 ,the ribbon and flowers on the door are generally taken down as soon as the procession leaves4 ,in the house1 all signs of the bereavement should be effaced4 ,the furniture should be placed in its usual order4 ,everything connected with the funeral must be out of sight4 ,the members of the family should be greeted with nothing1 upon their return1 that would possibly give cause for fresh sorrow4 ,a considerate friend or relative should stay behind to attend to these details4 ,it is not enough to leave everything in the hands of the undertaker and his assistants4 ,but even relatives should remember that the bereaved ones will want to be by themselves1 and that solitude is often the greatest solace for grief4 ,,seclusion ,,during ,,mourning ,for three weeks after a bereavement1 women seclude themselves and receive no visitors except their most intimate friends4 ,after this they are expected to be sufficiently resigned to receive the calls of condolence of their friends and acquaintances4 ,they themselves make no visits until six months after the death4 ,while wearing crpe veil and crpe-trimmed gowns1 a woman should refrain from taking part in all social gaieties4 ,after the crpe has been discarded1 she may attend concerts1 dinners and luncheons1 and the theater2 but she attends no large social functions or fashionable dinners until at least a year after the date of death4 ,the usual round of social duties1 including balls and the opera1 are not resumed until colors are once again adopted4 ,a man does not observe the etiquette of mourning as rigidly as his wife or daughter2 but it is necessary to mention here that it is exceedingly bad form for him to resume his active social duties1 such as club dinners and entertainments1 the theater1 calls1 small dinners with friends1 until at least two months have elapsed4 ,if business permits1 he may observe ten days or two weeks of absolute seclusion4 ,,dress ,,at ,,funerals ,those who attend the funeral should not appear in gay or brightly-colored clothes1 in deference for the feelings of the sorrowing relatives4 ,women who wear simple1 unrelieved black display an excellent taste although any subdued color is equally good4 ,gentlemen should wear either complete suits of black1 or those of material dark enough to be suited to the solemnity of the occasion4 ,gray trousers with a black cutaway are permissible4 ,a quiet hat1 gloves and necktie are worn4 ,vivid colors1 either on a man or woman1 show a disregard for the feeling of the mourners1 a lack of respect for oneself1 and a distinct ignorance of the laws of good conduct4 ,it is not a gala occasion and levity of any sort is atrociously bad form4 ,,interment ,,and ,,cremation ,etiquette has nothing to say with regard to the disposal of the body of the deceased4 ,whether it is to be interred or cremated1 whether the casket shall rest in a grave or a vault or a mausoleum or whether the ashes shall be preserved in an urn or scattered upon a well-loved river or hill or upon some other chosen spot is entirely a matter of personal preference4 ,but etiquette unites with the laws of beauty and refined sentiment in protesting against the erecting of hideous monuments with absurd inscriptions4 ,the purpose of the tombstone is to mark the resting place and to bear the name and the date of the birth and death of the person who lies beneath it4 ,if the life itself has not left a record that will last a marble slab will not do much to perpetuate it4 ,sometimes there is a special achievement or a mark of distinction which may with propriety be cut into the stone or the family of the deceased may inscribe thereupon an expression of their grief or love2 but flowery inscriptions belong to the past and since there are no words that can adequately express the grief of a sorrowing family for one who has died it is perhaps best not to attempt it4 ,the hour at which the interment is to take place is appointed to suit the convenience of the family4 ,in cities where a multiplicity of duties makes attendance in the daytime difficult it is customary to have evening services1 but under all other circumstances the funeral is scheduled to take place during the day4 ,,mourning ,,dress ,grief turns instinctively to the somber garments of mourning for the slight measure of comfort which they give1 but modern ideas of enlightened civilization look with disfavor on long crpe veils and any other form of mourning that is so pronounced as to be ostentatious4 ,black is very depressing1 especially to young children1 and a mother1 however deep her sorrow because of the death of one of her children should keep this in mind and should1 at any rate1 not wear black every day4 ,if she likes she may wear mourning when she leaves the house4 ,it is a sort of protection1 for strangers and thoughtless friends will not be so likely to make remarks that will wound1 if they have the black dress to remind them of the bereavement which the mother has suffered4 ,under any other circumstances the wearing of colors at home and black abroad is a form of hypocrisy1 and is1 of course1 to be deplored4 ,black fabrics for mourning should not have a shiny finish nor should they be trimmed except in the simplest way possible4 ,serge1 cloth1 duvetyn1 ,canton crpe1 pongee1 chiffon1 and georgette are appropriate but one should avoid velvets and most fur trimmings4 ,the most suitable furs are plain black seal1 fox1 lynx1 etc41 though others may be worn4 ,bright linings are not permissible4 ,a woman in mourning does not wear jewelry aside from the wedding and engagement rings4 ,dull bar pins may be used whenever needed and a brooch1 plain or set with pearl1 may be worn4 ,dress accessories should be of dull black1 purse1 gloves1 etc4 ,handkerchiefs may have a black border or they may be pure white4 ,the length of the mourning period depends upon the tie which existed between the deceased and the bereaved4 ,except for an elderly woman whose husband has died and who never intends taking off black the longest period is usually two years1 the first in deep mourning1 the next in second mourning during which time gray1 lavender1 purple and black-and-white may be worn4 ,this may be shortened at discretion to six months of deep mourning followed by six months of semi-mourning or three months of deep mourning and six of half mourning4 ,the change from black to colors should never be so abrupt as to be startling4 ,a girl does not wear mourning for her fianc except under extenuating circumstances4 ,if he died on the eve of the wedding it is permissible but if the date for the wedding had not been set or if the engagement had not been announced it is questionable form for her to go into mourning for him4 ,it is a very delicate matter and the final court of appeals is the young lady herself4 ,but she should remember that the garments of mourning are after all only a symbol of grief and she should hesitate a long time before assuming them4 ,her mourning outfit is like that of a widow and she wears it for the same length of time4 ,children should never wear black4 ,upon the death of a parent they may wear white perhaps relieved by lavender for six months or so4 ,they do not use mourning stationery and they do not carry black bordered handkerchiefs4 ,a girl fifteen or sixteen may wear delicate grays1 lavenders1 and mixed goods as well as white1 but she should not wear black4 ,there is no iron-clad rule concerning mourning1 and one may or may not wear it4 ,even a widow1 a daughter1 or a mother is under no compulsion to do so1 though to appear in bright colors shortly after the death of a beloved one is certainly an evidence of bad taste4 ,,mourning ,,dress ,,for ,,men ,the mourning outfit for men is not so pronounced as that for women4 ,a black suit with dull black shoes1 black gloves and white linen constitutes first mourning4 ,many men use only the black band around the coat sleeve4 ,the custom grew out of the ,english practice of having the servants wear the black band in households that could not afford a complete mourning outfit1 and for this reason has met with disfavor among the fastidious in this country4 ,it has this much in its favor3 it accomplishes the purpose of full mourning with the added virtue of economy1 and when one's life has to be conducted on a frugal scale it is better to wear the simple black band than to spend one's substance foolishly for mourning4 ,a widower wears mourning for a year or a year and a half while a man grieving for some other relative than his wife may wear mourning a year or six months as he prefers4 ,first mourning consists of a suit of black with white linen1 and dull accessories such as shoes1 gloves1 cuff links1 etc4 ,the hat may have a crpe border but it should not be a very wide one4 ,for second mourning his suit is of gray or black1 with gray gloves1 white linen1 etc4 ,men should never carry black bordered handkerchiefs4 ,a man wears mourning for a wife1 a child1 a parent1 or a brother or sister the length of time depending upon the strength of the bond which held them together4 ,,mourning ,,stationery ,white stationery of a good quality is correct for all occasions and mourning is no exception4 ,that which has a narrow black border is good but a border nearly an inch wide is in bad taste4 ,after three months have passed gray stationery is permissible4 ,since there are no formal invitations issued during the period of mourning there are no special forms for them4 ,there are1 however1 in addition to the regular mourning stationery cards acknowledging expressions of sympathy4 ,these may be had from any up-to-date stationer's4 ,they may or may not have the black border4 ,the following is an example of such a card3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,n4 ,c4 ,graham thank you for your kind expression of sympathy during their recent bereavement4 ,the visiting card may have an unobtrusive border of black4 ,the border on this and on the stationery may be lessened from time to time during the period of mourning or it may remain the same until it is discarded altogether4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,,christenings ,,announcing ,,the ,,birth ,,of ,,the ,,child ,when a child is born the mother and father announce the fact to their friends by means of cards4 ,these may be obtained in the prevailing style from any good stationer4 ,sometimes only one card is sent bearing the names of the parents and that of the child or the word1 ,son or ,daughter if the name has not been decided upon4 ,another fashion which has become standard is the use of two cards1 one somewhat larger than the ordinary visiting card and attached to it by a tiny white ribbon one very much smaller bearing the name of the infant4 ,there are also dainty and attractive cards specially designed for the occasion4 ,while these are not so formal as the plain white cards they are1 when chosen with discrimination1 very delightful and almost as personal as a note4 ,notes are usually sent only to one's most intimate friends4 ,,responding ,,to ,,the ,,announcement ,friends of the parents will1 of course1 hasten to congratulate them upon their good fortune4 ,they may send flowers1 magazines1 jellies1 etc41 to the mother and to the youngster some little article pleasing because of its beauty or its utility4 ,gifts are not necessary1 however1 and a warm and sincere note expressing one's happiness at the good fortune of the parents is quite sufficient4 ,the note must not be perfunctory4 ,you must remember that the child of your friend is the most wonderful infant that ever came to earth to live 7and if your private opinion is to the contrary it is best to keep it private71 and that conventional phrases are entirely inadequate4 ,on the other hand it will not do to gush4 ,simplicity and sincerity are the best means to attain the end desired4 ,,godparents ,in the old world the selection of godparents is a very important duty and the office of the godfather and the godmother is actual rather than theoretical2 but in this country it has a tendency to become a mere form4 ,this should not be the case1 for it is a high tribute to a friend to ask him to be the godfather of one's child and it is often an excellent thing for the child4 ,it assures him at least one friend older than himself who has a very special interest in his welfare4 ,there may be four sponsors1 or two1 as one chooses1 but in ,america there are usually only two1 a godfather and a godmother4 ,whenever possible they should be asked in person and they should never be asked through a formally engraved card4 ,for the sponsors are always intimate friends of the mother and father or relatives for whom they feel the highest regard4 ,it is the interest of the child that is at stake and this should be taken into consideration by the parents before they make their final selection4 ,the duties of the godparents are not onerous4 ,they promise always to befriend the child and at the time of the christening they present it with a gift of some sort--jewelry1 garments1 carriage or toilette accessories4 ,they are present at the baptism1 if possible1 and accompany the mother and father to the altar4 ,the father and godfather have little to do beyond lending the grace of their presence to the occasion4 ,the godmother carries the infant to the altar1 resplendent in his christening robe1 and at the proper time hands it to the clergyman4 ,if there are no sponsors the office of the godmother at the church may be filled by the baby's nurse or by the mother herself4 ,,invitations ,,to ,a ,,christening ,the christening is rarely an elaborate affair and the only guests are relatives and close friends4 ,if it is not too much of a tax on the mother it is very lovely for her to write personal notes to each guest asking him or her to be present at the ceremony4 ,if there is to be a considerable number present engraved cards may be dispatched4 ,examples of both the formal and the informal invitation are given below3 ,june #f1 #ai-- ,my dear ,grace1 ,the baby is to be christened next ,sunday at four o'clock at the ,brick ,church and both ,harry and ,i are anxious to have you present4 ,i think ,harry ,jr4 would be also if he were old enough to know what it is all about4 ,cordially yours1 ,alice ,f4 ,duncan4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harry ,t4 ,duncan request the pleasure of your company at the christening of their son on ,sunday afternoon1 ,june #f at four o'clock at the ,brick ,church ,a ,,church ,,christening ,if the christening is to be an occasion of great formality and elaboration the church should be decorated1 not elaborately as for a wedding but simply and prettily with smilax and ferns and delicate white flowers or in some other way that will indicate that the event is for a child and not for an older person4 ,the child's christening robe should be simple but exquisite4 ,he may be brought in more gracefully if he is carried on a pillow or a porte-bb4 ,the mother usually wears a reception gown1 hat1 and gloves4 ,the women sponsors are similarly dressed while the masculine guests wear the prescribed outfit for afternoon receptions1 the cutaway coat1 etc41 unless the christening takes place in the summer when light flannels may be substituted4 ,,the ,,house ,,christening ,there is very little difference between a christening that takes place at home and one at church4 ,the house should be decorated and a font may be placed in the drawing-room4 ,the mother's gown is less formal than the one she would wear to the church but the other details are practically the same4 ,,after ,,the ,,baptism ,after the ceremony is over and the youngster has been duly admired and sent back to the nursery1 there may be a reception or tea or even a dinner or breakfast1 according to the time of the christening1 for the guests4 ,if the baptism took place at church the guests may drive immediately from there to the home1 allowing the automobile containing the mother and father to precede them by a few minutes4 ,if it took place at home matters are simplified1 for the guests may pass into another room or the font may be placed to one side4 ,if there is a breakfast or luncheon served the clergyman who performed the ceremony is invited to be present1 and whether or not it is customary to ask a blessing he is requested to pronounce one4 ,he enters the dining-room with the child's grandmother1 or if both grandmothers are present1 with the elder4 ,,gifts ,each person who is invited to the christening is expected to remember the infant with a gift of some sort4 ,in view of the fact that there is usually nothing that he needs and that he is too young to appreciate anything1 many people give for the future rather than for the present4 ,sometimes a friend of the mother will give the infant daughter a silver spoon1 adding duplicates each year after on its birthday or at ,christmas until they form a complete set4 ,books which he will appreciate later may be given4 ,money in the form of gold pieces or checks is most appropriate and is one of the most popular of gifts4 ,carriage and toilette accessories1 jewelry1 etc41 are1 of course1 suitable but one should make sure that there is an actual need for them4 ,most people nowadays live in a limited amount of space with neither a garret nor a cellar to store things in4 ,,part ,,ii ,politeness itself is always the same4 ,the rules of etiquette which are merely the forms in which it finds expression1 vary with time and place4 ,a sincere regard for the rights of others1 in the smallest matters as well as the largest2 genuine kindness of heart2 good taste and self command1 which are the foundations of good manners1 are never out of fashion4 --,samuel ,r4 ,wells4 ,,chapter ,i ,,introductions ,,purpose ,,of ,,the ,,introduction ,the days of gallant cavaliers and courteous knights who bowed profusely and doffed their feathered hats to the very ground when introduced to ladies of the court are over4 ,to-day1 simplicity is the keynote in introductions--as in everything else4 ,but the significance of those charming introductions of yore remains4 ,we find that the introduction of to-day is still made and acknowledged with a certain measured grace and courtesy of manner4 ,what it lacks in old-time picturesque gallantry it gains in a new friendliness that is in accord with whole-hearted warmth for which the ,americans are famous4 ,every day1 in the social and business worlds alike1 there is the constant need of introducing people correctly4 ,but the correct introduction does not consist merely of making two strangers known to each other--perhaps just temporarily4 ,to create an immediate friendliness between two people who have met for the first time1 to do away with all hesitancy and embarrassment1 to create smooth and pleasant conversation1 to make the strangers want to continue their acquaintance--that is the purpose of the correct introduction4 ,and its achievement rests entirely with the man or woman who is the medium of introduction4 ,a great many people have the mistaken impression that an introduction is meant solely to make two people known to each other for the short time that they are in company together4 ,the correct introduction helps to create friendship--the kind of friendship that lasts4 ,it is not enough to exchange names4 ,it is not enough to present one person to another1 and then forget about it completely4 ,the adroit introducer draws the strangers into conversation at once1 and leads casually into channels that he1 or she1 knows are of interest to both4 ,to introduce people correctly is an art in itself1 and like any other art1 it requires constant study and practice before one becomes adept4 ,,creating ,,conversation ,we have mentioned conversation as being an ideal means of establishing immediate understanding between two strangers--or between a stranger and a group of guests4 ,let us consider first the best means to employ in creating conversation between two persons who have just been introduced4 ,elaborate manner should be avoided4 ,simple words and phraseology are always most effective1 especially when one's manner and tone are sincere4 ,brevity is also a virtue to be developed in introducing people4 ,if a scientist and a student meet in your home for the first time1 the student is presented to the older man4 ,the host or hostess might introduce them in this manner3 ,mr4 ,rogers1 let me present ,mr4 ,brown1 who is making a study of social science at ,pennsylvania ,university4 ,naturally1 an introduction of this kind would lead directly into a discussion on science--and both men would feel entirely at ease in each other's company4 ,in introducing a gentleman to a lady1 the same rule of mutual interest for creating conversation holds true4 ,the hostess might say1 ,miss ,murray1 allow me to present ,mr4 ,smith1 who stopped at the ,palms last summer just before you arrived4 ,of course1 the young people would immediately have something to talk about1 and there would be no strained feeling of the sort that usually follows in the wake of a poor introduction4 ,or1 if ,mr4 ,smith is an author1 and ,miss ,murray is very fond of reading1 the hostess would say1 ,miss ,murray1 ,i'm sure you will be pleased to meet ,mr4 ,smith1 who writes such charming fiction4 ,you remember how much we enjoyed ',the ,rose ,garden4' ,a great deal depends upon the strangers themselves1 whether or not conversation will move forward1 but the hostess who has introduced them skilfully has certainly given them a pleasant opening4 ,,when ,,to ,,introduce ,to introduce or not to introduce8 has often puzzled men and women of better society4 ,it requires infinite tact1 and also a certain keen knowledge of the world1 to determine just whom one should and one should not introduce to one's friends4 ,this does not refer to home or private entertainments where everyone is an invited guest4 ,in this case1 the host and hostess make whatever introductions they deem necessary1 being sure that a stranger is carefully presented to each guest4 ,when the reception is a large one--a ball1 for instance--the roof may serve as an introduction2 that is1 the guests may take it for granted that everyone present1 being an invited guest1 has already the endorsement of the hostess4 ,thus they may address and converse with anyone they choose1 without trespassing any laws of good conduct4 ,if a lady passes two gentlemen1 one of whom she knows1 both raise their hats and greet her1 but no introductions are made4 ,if he stops for a moment--and it must be only for a very brief moment--he does not present his companion4 ,street introductions are bad form unless the little group joins forces and walks on together4 ,in the business world1 introductions are made whenever a mutual acquaintance or friend is present4 ,business introductions are governed very largely by diplomacy1 although the gentleman will make sure that his business introduction is just as courteous and graceful as his social introduction4 ,granting that all your friends and acquaintances are of the very best society1 it is quite safe to say that you may introduce two people to each other1 or a group of people to one another1 whenever you chance to be a mutual friend4 ,whether or not the acquaintanceship continues depends entirely upon the people who have been introduced4 ,it is certainly better form to introduce two people1 even though you are in doubt as to their similarity of character and personality1 than to have one of your friends--or several of them--feel slighted4 ,there are few things more unkind and discourteous than to neglect introducing strangers to each other4 ,,importance ,,of ,,care ,an awkward or haphazard introduction can not be effective4 ,a common fault seems to be to mumble hurriedly over names--a very bad fault1 indeed1 as it leaves the strangers in ignorance as to each other's identity4 ,names should be pronounced carefully and distinctly1 leaving no doubt whatever in the minds of those who are being presented to each other4 ,to slur over names in haste or embarrassment1 is to create a strained and uncomfortable atmosphere4 ,as in everything else in good society1 ostentation is extremely vulgar4 ,deep bows1 flourishes1 and forced phrases have no place in the right sort of presentations4 ,brief1 simple introductions1 with a note of sincere cordiality1 are certainly more impressive than much elaborate waving of hands and bowing4 ,,special ,,introductions ,it is1 of course1 an established rule that a man should always be presented to a lady4 ,but the rule does not hold true when a lady is presented to some gentleman of exceptionally high and distinguished position4 ,thus1 if a lady is presented to the ,president of the ,united ,states1 or to an ex-,president1 or prince1 duke1 or archduke1 the gentleman's name is mentioned first4 ,another exception to the rule is when unmarried ladies are presented to important members of the clergy1 such as the bishop or archbishop2 here also the gentleman's name is mentioned first4 ,there is only one great exception to the rule that all unmarried women are presented to matrons3 all women1 no matter whether they are young unmarried women or elderly matrons1 are introduced to the wife of the ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,there are several exceptions to the rule that all young and unmarried men be presented to older men4 ,first1 there is the ,president of the ,united ,states1 to whom all men1 young and old1 are presented4 ,similarly1 a host in his own home is always mentioned first4 ,a member of a royal and reigning family is never presented to anyone unless it is someone of higher royalty2 all introductions are made to him4 ,a guest of honor at an entertainment is also given the distinction of having all guests presented to him4 ,,when ,,the ,,name ,,isn',t ,,heard ,it very often happens1 in making introductions1 that one does not quite understand the name murmured by the one who is making the introduction4 ,there is absolutely no reason to become flustered and embarrassed4 ,simply smile or nod in acknowledgment1 and say1 ,i beg your pardon1 ,i did not catch your name4 ,or one might say1 ,i am sorry1 but ,i did not catch the name4 ,profuse apologies are not good form2 in fact1 they are entirely out of place1 for the fault lies completely with the man or woman who has made the introduction4 ,address yourself to the stranger1 when you wish the name to be repeated1 and make your request simply1 directly and with calm dignity4 ,do not show either by haste or embarrassment that you are ill at ease because the name escaped you4 ,many times it is the fault of the people who are being introduced that they do not understand the names4 ,they do not listen for them4 ,it is one of the secrets of social success1 if there can be anything secret about a thing so obvious1 to be able to remember names correctly4 ,people in business realize this and salesmen devote special time to training themselves to remember the names of their customers4 ,a very bad fault is to attempt to guess at a name when it is not heard distinctly4 ,it is perfectly correct to ask3 ,did ,mrs4 ,roberts call you ,miss ,gray8 ,but never address the young lady as ,miss ,gray if you have the least doubt as to whether or not that was the name given4 ,her name may be ,graham1 or ,grayerson6 ,it is much wiser to ask and be correct1 than to guess and be corrected4 ,,the ,,correct ,,introduction ,let us now consider the correct forms for the general introduction4 ,for all ordinary occasions the simple form1 ,mrs4 ,johns1 let me present ,mr4 ,brown1 is the best4 ,because it is brief1 direct and simple it may be used effectively on almost any occasion4 ,in introducing men to women1 the woman's name is invariably spoken first1 and the gentleman is presented to her4 ,several phrases that are quite generally used in social circles are3 ,mrs4 ,a1 allow me to introduce ,mr4 ,b1 or ,mrs4 ,a1 ,mr4 ,b wishes to be presented to you1 or ,mrs4 ,a1 may ,i present ,mr4 ,b8 ,such phrases as ,let me make you acquainted with and ,i want you to shake hands with are awkward and altogether too casual4 ,they should never be used4 ,when there is a great difference in the ages of two women1 the younger is presented to the elder4 ,thus1 if ,mrs4 ,brown is an elderly matron1 and ,mrs4 ,smith is a recent bride1 one would say3 ,mrs4 ,brown1 let me present ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,an unmarried woman is always presented to a matron in this manner3 ,mrs4 ,brown1 may ,i present ,miss ,jones8 or ,mrs4 ,brown1 this is ,miss ,jones4 ,when it is hard to decide which of two married women is older1 one may give due reference to both by introducing in this most satisfactory manner3 ,mrs4 ,brown1 let me present ,mrs4 ,smith2 ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,mrs4 ,brown4 ,similar distinctions are made in the introducing of two gentlemen4 ,where there is no difference in age1 title or dignity1 the introduction may be merely3 ,mr4 ,white1 ,mr4 ,jones4 ,a young man is presented to an older man1 a bachelor to a married man4 ,however1 if the bachelor is a venerable old gentleman1 a married man is presented to him1 in deference to his age4 ,citizens without official distinction are invariably presented to senators1 judges1 governors1 etc4 ,when introducing a friend to one's parents it is correct to say1 ,mother1 may ,i present ,miss ,smith8 or ,mother1 this is ,mr4 ,jones4 ,the friend is always introduced to the mother first1 then to the father4 ,other relatives are introduced in the order of their age and position in the family4 ,in presenting a relative whose name is the same as your own it is unnecessary to repeat the name4 ,for instance1 ,miss ,daniels1 do you know my sister1 ,mildred8 or ,miss ,daniels1 may ,i present my brother1 ,harry8 ,if the name is different particular pains should be taken to pronounce it4 ,miss ,daniels1 this is my sister1 ,mrs4 ,graham4 ,or1 ,miss ,daniels1 may ,i present my brother1 ,mr4 ,franklin8 ,,group ,,introductions ,it is considered bad form to interrupt a conversation to introduce a newcomer4 ,always wait until the conversation has subsided before you venture to present a stranger to a group of people4 ,the best way to introduce a gentleman to a group of guests is to mention the names only1 in this manner3 ,mr4 ,jones--,miss ,smith1 ,miss ,roberts1 ,mr4 ,frank and ,mr4 ,brown4 ,or one might say1 ,mr4 ,jones1 let me introduce you to---- and then give the names of the guests in the group1 being sure to mention the ladies first4 ,a lady is introduced to a group of people in the same manner4 ,it is indicative of bad taste to conduct a young lady around a large room and introduce her individually to each stranger4 ,gentlemen should always be taken to her to be presented to her4 ,it is only when the young lady is a dbutante or a youthful member of society that she is conducted across a room to be presented to some elderly dowager or to the guest of honor4 ,it is inconsiderate to present any one person to a great number of others all at once4 ,it is not only embarrassing but the task of remembering anyone of the people introduced is hopeless4 ,,the ,,chance ,,introduction ,before we go any further in the correct forms for introductions1 we will offer a word of caution that should be carefully heeded4 ,never introduce people to each other unless you are quite certain that it will be agreeable to both4 ,for instance1 if two young women of your acquaintance have been attending the same church for several years and yet do not greet or recognize each other1 it may be assumed that they have a reason for remaining strangers4 ,in such a case1 an introduction could only be painful to both4 ,an introduction is not merely a trivial convention--a duty that must be attended to4 ,it is an important ceremony1 the very corner-stone of friendship4 ,to be formally introduced is to have a certain demand on one's future good graces and friendliness4 ,thus1 it is bad taste to introduce rashly and indiscriminately4 ,assuming that you have no reason to believe that they do not wish to know each other1 this is the best form to employ in introducing two young women1 both of whom you meet at the same time3 ,miss ,jones1 ,miss ,smith4 ,this form should invariably be used in making public introductions1 at church1 the theater1 the opera1 etc4 ,if the name of one of the young women has been forgotten1 one may say1 ,i'm afraid ,i have forgotten your name1 or ,forgive me1 but ,i cannot recall your name just now4 ,as soon as the required information is given1 the introduction may proceed as above4 ,,incomplete ,,introductions ,some careless hostesses neglect to complete introductions4 ,this causes embarrassment for both1 or all1 people concerned1 and reflects discreditably on the hostess4 ,who has not heard the otherwise charming hostess greet a friend cordially in this manner3 ,oh1 how-do-you-do1 my dear6 ,let me introduce ,mrs4 ,allen1 ,mrs4 ,baker and ,mr4 ,carter4 ,the young person who has just arrived can hardly avoid feeling a bit confused1 and perhaps a bit slighted4 ,and the people to whom this introduction was made will certainly feel embarrassed when they meet the stranger again and must ask his or her name4 ,another type of incomplete introduction is to draw two strangers into conversation by saying casually3 ,mrs4 ,roberts1 ,mrs4 ,jones was at the opera last night and heard the same pianist you heard two weeks ago4 ,this is hardly sufficient4 ,the remark should have been either preceded or followed by a bona fide introduction1 though the smile and bow of the hostess as she speaks may be so cordial as to remove whatever feeling of constraint there might have been4 ,the incomplete introduction is careless and unkind4 ,the hostess is unfair to her guests if she does not make each introduction definite and formal1 if she does not pronounce clearly the names of both people to be presented to each other4 ,,indirect ,,introductions ,the indirect introduction is entirely different from the incomplete introduction4 ,the former is often necessary and purposely resorted to2 the latter is invariably a mistake or the result of carelessness4 ,when it is desirable to draw another into conversation1 then the hostess may make an indirect introduction to avoid stiffness and constraint4 ,thus1 while conversing with one guest1 she may turn to another and say3 ,mrs4 ,blank1 ,mrs4 ,smith was just telling us about the famous picture that was brought recently to ,america4 ,have you seen it8 ,the purpose of the hostess will be achieved1 for the guest addressed will join the conversation1 although there has been no formal introduction4 ,when two people are brought together in this manner1 the question of whether or not they continue their acquaintanceship depends entirely upon themselves4 ,in taking leave of each other1 women who have been only semi-introduced may nod or shake hands as they please4 ,it is not necessary to seek out a woman to whom one has been indirectly introduced in order to take leave of her4 ,if the semi-introduction is between a man and woman1 the woman must either nod first1 or offer her hand first1 in leave-taking4 ,it is the sign of her willingness to be formally introduced4 ,,the ,,acknowledgment ,a courteous acknowledgment is essential to every introduction4 ,it is not enough to chant a stilted phrase each time the hostess presents you to a stranger4 ,parrot-like repetition will make you appear dull and ordinary4 ,but to make gracious1 cordial acknowledgments is to gain the immediate sympathy and friendliness of those to whom you have been introduced4 ,the stiff formal bow is quickly losing all its prestige in the best social circles4 ,in its place is the warm1 cordial handclasp1 or the friendly smile and inclination of the head4 ,the bow is only acceptable when a stranger is presented to a group of guests4 ,and even then it should consist merely of a nod and genial smile that includes the entire company4 ,a hostess rises to receive all introductions1 and offers her hand both to men and women4 ,but a woman guest retains her place when introduced to a gentleman1 or when she is one of a group to whom a woman guest is presented4 ,however1 if the stranger is introduced to her individually1 she rises in acknowledgment4 ,other occasions that require the woman of culture to rise are when she is being introduced to the hostess1 to an elderly or distinguished gentleman1 to a guest of honor1 or to an elderly woman4 ,a gentleman invariably stands when introduced4 ,if the introduction takes place out of doors1 he is expected to lift his hat and bow slightly4 ,when introduced to a lady1 he must wait until she takes the initiative in offering him her hand4 ,if she does not offer her hand in acknowledgment of the introduction1 he may merely nod1 lift his hat1 and offer a word or two of gracious pleasure at having been introduced to her4 ,,forms ,,of ,,acknowledgment ,the hostess extends her hand and says cordially1 ,i am delighted to know you ,mrs4 ,brown1 or1 ,mrs4 ,brown1 ,i am most pleased to meet you4 ,how do you do1 ,mrs4 ,brown1 is used a great deal4 ,on being presented to a lady1 a gentleman might say1 ,delighted to know you1 ,miss ,jones1 or ,miss ,jones1 ,i am very glad indeed to meet you4 ,the correct form to use when one man is introduced to another is usually1 ,how do you do8 although a great many men like to use the expression1 ,i'm very glad to meet you4 ,a young woman introduced to a matron might say1 ,this is a pleasure indeed1 ,mrs4 ,rogers4 ,a gentleman might acknowledge an introduction to a lady by saying1 ,i am pleased to know you1 ,mrs4 ,jones1 or simply1 ,how do you do1 ,mrs4 ,jones8 ,it is not so much a question of what is said as of how it is said4 ,it happens1 sometimes1 that a hostess unknowingly will introduce to each other two men1 or two women1 who have long been on unfriendly terms4 ,to ignore each other completely under such circumstances would be a breach of good conduct1 and an embarrassment to everyone concerned4 ,it is certainly wiser1 if not more agreeable1 to nod as though one were a stranger1 and later tactfully avoid the man or woman whose company you do not wish to share4 ,the acknowledgment to an introduction is important4 ,it is the first impression the stranger gains of you1 and it is your duty to make it a good--and lasting one4 ,it is always best to repeat the name--in fact1 the repeating of the name is all that is necessary--since it gives an opportunity for correction if the person to whom the introduction was made misunderstood it4 ,for example1 when the hostess says1 ,mrs4 ,davis1 let me present ,mrs4 ,raymond1 the ladies may bow politely1 each murmuring the name of the other4 ,,future ,,recognition ,,of ,,introduction ,with introductions made as hurriedly and haphazardly as they are to-day1 at large receptions and balls1 it is often puzzling to determine whether or not one should greet a certain new acquaintance at the next meeting4 ,there are certain definite rules that may be followed with confidence4 ,it is important to remember that the first intimation of recognition after an introduction must always come from the lady4 ,a gentleman does not offer his hand1 nor does he bow or nod to the lady he has met only once before until she has made the first movement4 ,the privilege of continuing or ending the acquaintanceship rests with her4 ,as a general rule1 one bows to all those whom one has met at dinner1 luncheon or breakfast4 ,it is also usual to greet those with whom one may have drunk tea at a reception1 and with whom one may have played a game of tennis or golf4 ,incomplete introductions require no future recognition1 unless the people introduced desire to cultivate a friendship4 ,if two people are presented to each other for the second time1 polite acknowledgment must be made4 ,it is not necessary1 though often it is pleasant1 to recall a former introduction1 especially if one feels sure that the other will have no difficulty in recollecting the occasion4 ,it is the duty of the gentleman to recall a previous introduction4 ,he may say1 ,i think ,i have had the pleasure of meeting ,miss ,stone last week1 or1 ,miss ,stone and ,i have already been introduced4 ,if two ladies are presented to each other for the second time1 the younger or unmarried one incurs the duty of recalling the first introduction4 ,i have already met ,mrs4 ,jessup1 is a form that may be used on any occasion4 ,,introducing ,,at ,,dinner ,at a formal or informal dinner1 the host and hostess must make all guests known to one another before leading the company to the table4 ,it is neither graceful nor good form to introduce after the guests are seated4 ,the secret of correct introduction at dinner is to avoid all obvious efforts to present certain guests to one another4 ,for instance1 it is not the best form to interrupt a conversation and draw a young man to another part of the room to present him to a young lady4 ,nor is it necessary for the hostess to incommode herself by rising1 during the course of the dinner1 to greet a late-comer and make him known to the other guests4 ,she may merely nod to him1 accept his excuse for tardiness with a gracious smile or word of welcome1 and retain all introductions until later in the evening when the guests have assembled in the drawing-room4 ,sometimes1 at a very large formal dinner1 it is not possible for the host and hostess to introduce every guest4 ,in this case it is necessary to introduce only the gentlemen and ladies who are to go in together to table4 ,later1 when the ladies gather in the drawing-room1 the clever hostess will contrive to make all her guests known to each other2 and when the gentlemen join them after their cigars1 both host and hostess may adroitly conclude the introductions4 ,however1 it is also good form for the host to make his complete introductions while the gentlemen are having their after-dinner smoke and chat1 and for the hostess to make her introductions in the drawing-room among the ladies4 ,the gentlemen may then be presented to the ladies during the course of the evening4 ,if there is a distinguished guest1 or a guest of honor1 for whom the dinner is given1 all guests must be presented to him at some time during the evening4 ,if the introductions cannot be completely achieved before dinner1 the host and hostess may continue them when the guests reassemble in the drawing-room4 ,,introducing ,,at ,,the ,,dance ,when a ball or dance is given in honor of a dbutante daughter1 or in honor of a visiting guest1 the hostess1 on receiving her guests1 presents them to the honored person who stands at her side4 ,during the course of the dance itself1 the host and hostess1 as well as the members of their family1 make all the introductions they can without inconveniencing either their guests or themselves4 ,at a private dance the host and hostess must constantly contrive to present gentlemen to ladies1 so that there will always be new partners for each dance4 ,if it is a very small dance1 the strictly formal introduction is rarely performed2 the girls introduce their partners to their particular friends1 and the young men present their friends to their partners without asking permission to do so4 ,at a very large1 formal ball or dance1 it is good form to ask permission of a lady before presenting a gentleman to her4 ,it is certainly the safest and most satisfactory way1 and reflects good taste and courtesy both on the part of the gentleman who wishes to be introduced and the gentleman who is the medium of introduction4 ,the gentleman who escorts a lady to a dance has a very distinct duty with regard to introductions4 ,he must present to her1 at various intervals during the dance1 as many of his masculine friends as he feels she would welcome as partners4 ,at a public ball1 he invariably asks her permission to make these introductions1 as he does also at a very large formal ball4 ,but if the young lady is a friend of long standing1 and his own comrades personal friends for whom he can vouch1 it is not necessary to request formally the lady's permission before making the introductions4 ,at public balls1 the reception committee presents each guest to the guest of honor4 ,if there is no guest of honor1 the committee merely welcomes the guests1 and leaves the duty of introduction to chaperons and escorts4 ,patronesses and reception committees are not obligated in any way to make introductions at subscriptions or public balls1 though it often helps to make the affair more pleasant when they take part in presentations4 ,,introducing ,,at ,,receptions ,the hostess of an afternoon or evening reception presents each guest who arrives to the guest of honor or dbutante daughter1 who stands at her side and receives with her4 ,she may not leave her post at the door to make introductions1 but she may present as many guests to one another as is possible without leaving her place4 ,the wise hostess always has several feminine members of her family to assist her in making guests known to one another4 ,these young women may introduce any strangers in the company4 ,the ladies in charge of the refreshments in the dining room may also speak without introduction to guests of either sex1 in order to offer tea1 chocolate or bonbons4 ,they are privileged to make introductions whenever it is in their power to do so4 ,a committee is usually appointed to receive the guests at a public reception4 ,the committee1 or part of it1 stands by the door to receive each guest formally1 and introductions are made merely by having a liveried servant announce the name in a loud1 clear voice4 ,the guest bows to the committee1 and considers himself introduced4 ,then the committee may be addressed by the stranger who desires further introductions to other guests4 ,it is important1 at these public receptions that the committee in charge perform as nearly as possible the duty of host and hostess4 ,,speaking ,,without ,,introduction ,some people who pride themselves upon being well-bred make themselves appear actually ludicrous by being highly indignant when addressed by someone to whom they have not been introduced4 ,surely in this world of good-fellowship and open-hearted friendliness it is ridiculous to seal one's mouth and be aloof1 merely because one has not been formally presented6 ,there is1 for instance1 the gentleman one sits next to on the steamer deck4 ,a lady1 of course1 may not on any condition address a gentleman whom she does not know1 nor may a gentleman address a lady who is a stranger to him4 ,but when two men are sitting side-by-side on a steamer deck1 both glorying in the solemn dignity of the sea1 and the wide expanse of sky1 it would be petty indeed to refrain from conversation4 ,if a friendship is to be developed later1 a formal introduction may be sought2 but for the present1 though they have never been presented to each other1 the men may enjoy a conversation without feeling that they are trespassing beyond the boundaries of etiquette4 ,similarly1 the lady traveling across country may comment upon the splendid open stretches of country1 the hazy impressiveness of the mountains in the distance and the surprising beauty of the train's smoke against the azure sky1 to the lady sitting opposite her1 even though they have never been introduced4 ,and they may carry on quite a delightful conversation without being formally presented to each other4 ,there can be nothing quite as shallow as refusing to answer1 or answering coldly1 the person who addresses you in a spirit of friendliness1 merely because there have been no formal introductions4 ,one must have vision enough to see that what is correct in the ballroom would be strained and narrow in the shadow of the huge mountains where men and women of every social standing gather to enjoy the same glorious bigness of things4 ,,introducing ,,children ,it is important for children to be taught early the significance and value of formal introductions4 ,but parents must carefully avoid all suggestion of snobbishness in their young sons and daughters4 ,there is an amusing story related of a certain little ,english lad who was visiting in ,america with his father1 who happened to be a member of the ,house of ,lords4 ,the youngster had a well developed case of snobbishness4 ,at an afternoon reception given in honor of his father1 the boy was introduced to several young ,americans1 invited especially for his benefit4 ,during the course of the afternoon1 the hostess noticed that he was sitting off to one side1 avoiding the other young guests4 ,when she spoke to him about it1 and asked him why he didn't join the other young people1 he remarked stiffly3 ,in ,england1 the son of a member of the ,house of ,lords does not associate with commoners6 ,while the father crimsoned1 the little ,american guests laughed in amusement4 ,and a newspaper correspondent who was present enjoyed the humor of the situation so keenly that he devoted a whole column to it4 ,a well-bred child introduces his or her small friend to older persons by saying1 ,mrs4 ,thompson1 this is my sister ,ray1 or1 ,mother1 may ,i present my schoolmate1 ,bob1 to you8 ,children should be taught not to use stilted1 unnatural phrases4 ,their introductions should be easy and natural4 ,a child introducing his young cousin to a friend would say1 ,bob1 this is my cousin1 ,ralph4 ,when introduced to an adult1 the properly trained child waits for the elder to speak first4 ,if some expression of pleasure at the meeting is made1 the child may say1 ,thank you1 ,mrs4 ,anderson4 ,a parent would introduce her daughter in this manner3 ,mrs4 ,brown1 this is my little daughter ,anne1 or1 ,mrs4 ,brown1 my boy ,john wishes to be presented to you4 ,children should be introduced to each other in a casual way for strained introductions cause them to feel ill at ease in one another's company4 ,harry1 this is ,john ,brown4 ,i am sure you will enjoy hearing all about his new pony1 or1 ,mary1 ,bob wants to tell you about something funny that happened at school the other day4 ,the simple expression1 ,how do you do1 is always best for children who are acknowledging introductions4 ,,cordiality ,,in ,,introductions ,with the passing of the ridiculous half-finger handshake1 with the arm extended upward and the wrist bent awkwardly1 introductions have become more cordial and sincere4 ,which is entirely as it should be4 ,too many people go through the ceremony of an introduction merely as a matter of duty1 without realizing its portent in the matter of friendship and future acquaintance4 ,we have all met the man or woman who nods stiffly in acknowledgment of an introduction1 and offers some stereotyped expression of welcome4 ,and we have all met the man or woman who smiles warmly1 offers a sincere handclasp1 and acknowledges the introduction so cordially that one feels entirely at ease4 ,in the latter case1 a brief acquaintance usually ripens into friendship1 while in the former instance1 one is inclined to forget promptly the one to whom the introduction has been made4 ,the next time you are introduced to a stranger1 smile sincerely1 make your handclasp warm and firm1 put cordiality into your welcome and see how your new acquaintance responds6 ,the correct introduction alone is not the corner-stone of friendship2 but the correct introduction that is also cordial opens the door to friendships that perhaps are sealed to every other effort4 ,whether you are making an introduction or acknowledging one1 be sure that it is both correct and cordial4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction ,,the ,,letter ,,of ,,introduction ,letters of introduction should be drawn only on relatives1 or on very close friends4 ,it is not considered entirely ethical to introduce by a letter an individual of whom the writer knows very little1 or toward whom the writer is not especially friendly4 ,it is also scarcely good form to ask for a letter of introduction2 the truly cultured person will depend upon the kind impulses of a friend or relative to recognize the need for such presentation4 ,care should be exerted in the issuing of these letters4 ,some people1 because they have not sufficient willpower to refuse a direct request1 will issue such a letter to a person whom they hardly know1 and for whose character they cannot vouch4 ,thus they are forced to send a private letter to the person to whom the letter of introduction is addressed1 explaining that the stranger is really not very well known to them1 and that perhaps the hostess had better find out more about him1 or her4 ,this always causes an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation2 it is always better to refuse frankly1 unless one knows the man or woman and is willing to endorse him heartily and sincerely4 ,a letter of introduction should be brief1 concise and free from matters of personal or private interest4 ,if the bearer of the letter is in mourning1 or has suffered some recent grief or loss1 or if he is the victim of unhappy circumstances or peculiar prejudices1 a private letter should be sent to the person to whom the letter is addressed1 explaining the situation4 ,this does not hold true when the stranger has some special mission to perform2 in this case1 the explanation is written directly in the original letter of introduction4 ,a note of introduction rarely covers more than a page or a page and a half of medium-size note paper1 and it should be confined strictly to the presentation of the person in whose behalf it is written4 ,nothing irrelevant1 such as inquiry regarding the health of certain people of mutual acquaintance1 or of domestic interest1 should be included4 ,the letter is placed in an unsealed envelope4 ,,presenting ,,the ,,letter ,usually letters of introduction are not presented in person1 but sent with the card of the man or woman to be introduced4 ,this relieves the ceremony of that awkwardness which usually follows when someone presents a letter of introduction and waits while it is being read4 ,if one does not wish to send it through the mails1 the letter may be left with one's card at the door of the one to whom it is addressed4 ,when the letter of introduction is from a gentleman to a lady1 or rather when the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady1 he invariably calls in the afternoon and sends up the letter with his card4 ,if the lady is not at home1 he may slip the card into the same envelope as the letter1 and leave it with the servant to be delivered4 ,a gentleman also calls to present a letter of introduction to a member of his own sex4 ,a woman who wishes to present a letter of introduction to another woman1 calls personally and leaves the letter with her own card1 or slips her card into the envelope1 seals it1 and sends it through the mails4 ,either method of presentation is correct4 ,however1 when the letter is addressed to a gentleman1 she does not call1 unless it is some very special and unusual occasion1 but trusts the letter to the mails for safe delivery4 ,,acknowledging ,a ,,letter ,,of ,,introduction ,a letter of introduction requires immediate recognition in some form4 ,either a call or an invitation should be made within three or four days4 ,if it is impossible to honor a letter of introduction by the usual form of visiting or entertaining then it is absolutely essential that a prompt and adequate explanation should be written to the author and bearer of the letter4 ,ordinarily1 when the bearer of a letter of introduction is a woman1 a call is made within three days4 ,this call is followed by the offer of some hospitality1 usually a luncheon or tea4 ,a gentleman calls upon a lady or upon another gentleman as soon as he receives a letter of introduction4 ,but a lady1 instead of making a call1 sends an invitation to the gentleman who is introduced to her by means of a letter4 ,any delay in acknowledging a letter of introduction is uncivil1 both to the person who wrote the letter and the one being introduced4 ,if one is invalided1 a short note should be written explaining why a call cannot be made1 and arranging for a meeting as early as circumstances permit4 ,but to wait a week or two before acknowledging a letter of introduction1 and then writing to explain1 is to show lack of good breeding and ignorance of the laws of good conduct4 ,it is a mark of courtesy to write to the person who brought about the acquaintance with a new friend by means of a letter of introduction1 thanking him or her for the note that inspired the friendship4 ,,model ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction ,a letter of introduction should be simple and to the point4 ,it should also be friendly1 cordial and explanatory4 ,it is placed in a single envelope1 unsealed1 with the full name and address of the person to whom the bearer is introduced4 ,here are some letters that are offered merely as suggestions4 ,of course they may be changed and added to1 to meet certain conditions3 ,new ,haven1 ,conn41 ,march #d1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,brown3 ,this will introduce to you ,miss ,rose ,johnson of ,camden1 ,new ,jersey1 who intends staying in your charming city during ,december and ,january4 ,i have known ,miss ,johnson for three years1 and feel sure that you will find pleasure in her company4 ,with warmest personal regards1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,margaret ,f4 ,dowe4 ,new ,york1 ,n4,y41 ,april #d1 #ai-- ,dear ,travers3 ,the bearer of this note1 ,mr4 ,robert ,duncan1 of ,chicago1 plans to be in your town for two months4 ,besides being a personal friend of mine1 he is the advertising manager of the ,goodfield ,company in ,los ,angeles1 and knowing as ,i do how interested you are in advertising1 ,i feel that you would like to know him4 ,you will find him good company everywhere1 ,i think1 for he not only talks entertainingly but he plays tennis and golf and bridge and plays them well4 ,i hope that you will be able to help him enjoy his stay in ,madison4 ,with kindest regards to ,mrs4 ,travers1 ,i am ,cordially yours1 ,bob ,westely4 ,baltimore1 ,md41 ,oct4 #ai1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,rowell3 ,it gives me great pleasure to present to you ,mr4 ,raymond ,gordon1 the bearer of this note1 with whom ,i have been associated in business and socially for many years4 ,business takes him to ,baltimore1 where he is an entire stranger4 ,i will personally appreciate any kindness you may show him during his stay there4 ,yours most sincerely1 ,robert ,s4 ,balfour4 ,,the ,,card ,,of ,,introduction ,very often a card of introduction1 instead of a letter1 is issued4 ,the letter is preferred in the case of special friends1 as it conveys a certain courtesy that the strictly formal card lacks4 ,yet the card is no less powerful an agent in soliciting and securing civilities for a man or woman in a strange town4 ,its place is in the business rather than the social world1 where often it is the means of securing an interview which it would be almost impossible to get without some kind of endorsement4 ,the card of introduction consists merely of a visiting card with the name of the person to be introduced written above that of the sender4 ,a card so prepared should be placed in a card envelope1 left unsealed1 and addressed to the person to whom the introduction is to be made4 ,the words which appear at the top of the card are written also at the extreme bottom of the envelope1 either below the address or in the left-hand corner4 ,here is a typical visiting card1 inscribed correctly with the name and address of the medium of introduction1 and bearing the correct introduction above the name3 ,introducing ,miss ,rose ,m4 ,roberts ,mr4 ,charles ,hanson ,morton #bh ,west #ahth ,st4 ,,business ,,introductions ,the man who values his good name among his business associates will not give letters of introduction indiscriminately4 ,there are no special rules governing such letters in the business world beyond those of the social world4 ,it is very annoying to a busy man to have to interrupt his work to make himself agreeable to all sorts and conditions of men who may come bearing missives which give them entrance4 ,people should remember this in giving letters of introduction and should absolutely refuse unless they feel sure that something of mutual benefit may arise from the meeting4 ,to give a letter of introduction for the same reason that one sometimes buys goods of a persistent agent--to get rid of him--is a very poor way out of the difficulty4 ,it is permissible to ask for a letter of introduction to a business man if the person from whom it is requested is a good friend and the person who asks for it has an excellent reason for doing so4 ,of course it is much better when the letter comes as a free-will offering1 for there is no possibility of having to meet with a refusal4 ,a refusal to grant a letter should not anger the person who asked for it1 and the person who feels compelled to deny the request should give a courteous reason--there is usually such a reason--for doing so4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,calls ,,and ,,calling ,,customs ,,the ,,beginning ,,of ,,social ,,calls ,the origin of the social call dates from the ,stone ,age1 when the head of a family used to leave a roughly carved block of stone at the door of another1 as an expression of good-will and friendship4 ,the most marked development in calls and visiting is traced among the ,orientals1 and especially the ,chinese4 ,in ,china1 even to-day1 the social call is practically a sacred ceremony1 and it is only the very lowest coolie who does not pay regular calls upon his friends and neighbors4 ,it is contrary to the ,american ideal to develop or encourage highly complicated social ceremonies1 and even the most formal call in this country to-day is simply a meeting of good friends4 ,with the rush of modern life and the multitudinous opportunities which it offers for diversion and instruction there is a tendency to neglect one's social calls4 ,it is a great pity1 for nothing is quite so precious as one's friends1 and was it not ,emerson who said1 ,go often to the house of thy friend for weeds choke the unused path8 ,,when ,,calls ,,are ,,made ,in the city1 formal calls are made between four and six o'clock in the afternoon4 ,morning calls are considered informal in the city2 they are made only to transact business1 or by special appointment4 ,only a very intimate friend is privileged to call in the morning merely for social purposes4 ,illustration3 ,brown ,bros4 ,,an ,,altar ,,for ,a ,,home ,,wedding ,a similar plan of decoration may be used effectively in a much less pretentious home4 ,women rarely call in the evening1 unless it is a friendly informal visit4 ,men may make formal evening visits both in the city and country4 ,in the city they may call as early as eight o'clock or as late as half-past nine4 ,it is not in good taste to call very late in the evening1 especially in the country where the retiring hour is early4 ,it is perfectly correct for a woman who is at business during the day to pay her calls during the early part of the evening4 ,morning calls in the country may be made between half-past ten and one o'clock4 ,both men and women should observe these hours4 ,it is only in the centers of formal and fashionable society1 where luncheon is usually served at one o'clock that morning calls are reserved for occasions of business4 ,when a call is paid for the purpose of condolence1 or of inquiring after a sick friend1 no special hour need be observed1 as the caller rarely advances beyond the threshold of the front door4 ,before calling on a friend in a hospital one should ascertain the hours during which visitors are allowed4 ,,the ,,proper ,,length ,,of ,a ,,call ,never prolong a call until it becomes a relief to depart--both for you and your hostess4 ,this is not irrelevant1 nor is it too severe4 ,there are many people who do not know when to depart1 and simply because they are afraid of leaving too early and offending the hostess1 they prolong the visit unduly and depend upon gossip and forced conversation to pass the time4 ,it is not good taste to make a call that lasts ten minutes2 but it is certainly no better to make one that lasts three hours4 ,when a first and formal call is paid1 fifteen or twenty minutes is the usual time for exchanging civilities1 and for making a graceful exit4 ,the ordinary formal call may be extended from a quarter to three-quarters of an hour4 ,a friendly call may be continued an hour1 and sometimes an hour and a half4 ,calls of inquiry1 condolence and information should never be prolonged longer than is required to obtain the information required4 ,calls of condolence should be made especially short1 as it is a mark of inconsideration to force oneself on a hostess who is suffering a recent bereavement4 ,,the ,,day ,,at ,,home ,calls should always be paid on the hostess' day at home1 if possible4 ,it is always more complimentary and considerate to observe a day at home than to call on an afternoon when the hostess does not expect you4 ,in large cities and fashionable circles1 it is customary for every hostess to issue at-home cards1 giving the day and hour1 or just the day1 when she will be at home to visitors4 ,these are issued to all her friends and acquaintances and they are expected to make their social calls1 calls of congratulation1 calls of appreciation--all calls except those that have to do with business--on that afternoon4 ,sunday calls are now considered informal4 ,in small towns and country neighborhoods they may be made after church or in the evening1 but in large cities formal visits are rarely made on ,sunday4 ,here again men 7and business women7 enjoy a special privilege2 they may make their formal calls any afternoon or evening of the week1 ,sunday not excepted4 ,perhaps this is only fair1 as the ,american man1 and many of the ,american women1 have their mornings and afternoons completely absorbed by the exactions of their business4 ,,dress ,,for ,,calls ,in making business calls a woman should wear street dress of the most simple and conservative type4 ,for her social calls also she should wear street attire1 but it need not be so severe as for business purposes4 ,especially if she is to go by public conveyance she should be careful not to make herself conspicuous by her dress4 ,the hostess is always more or less informally dressed unless her at home takes on the proportions of a reception1 in which case she wears an elaborate reception gown4 ,men seldom pay calls1 and when they do1 for the most part1 they wear ordinary business suits unless the occasion is one of importance4 ,formal evening calls require formal evening dress4 ,,paying ,,the ,,first ,,call ,in the country1 all newcomers wait until they are called upon before calling or leaving cards4 ,formerly1 calls were paid only upon those newcomers who were in one's immediate neighborhood1 but now motoring has greatly increased the area of visiting4 ,thus1 when a newcomer builds or rents a home within easy motoring distance1 one must feel obligated to call and leave cards4 ,brides also wait to receive first calls4 ,neighbors and friends are expected to call and leave cards immediately upon the return from the honeymoon4 ,it is the particular duty of all wedding guests to call promptly as soon as the bride announces her return4 ,when a lady comes to visit a friend in another town1 it is the duty of all friends of the hostess to make the first call4 ,it is also the rule for women who have been entertained in a friend's house in the country to be the first to call on that friend immediately upon her return to town4 ,where there is no indebtedness of this kind and when two women arrive home from their respective summer vacations at about the same time1 it is customary for the younger to make the first call upon the older4 ,the matter of paying the first call is often a very delicate one4 ,frequently sensitive people are offended by some unconscious slight on the part of a friend4 ,the following rules will help those who are in doubt1 and who are anxious to follow the correct usage1 and thus avoid blunders that may result in broken friendships4 ,an unmarried woman always pays the first call of the season upon a matron4 ,the elder of two women is entitled to the first visit4 ,this same rule holds true among men1 when the question of the formal call arises4 ,in large cities1 when the recognized winter period for exchanging formal calls opens1 very little attention is paid to the matter of the first calls of the season4 ,it is usually dependent upon convenience and inclination of individuals1 and upon the settling of an at-home day4 ,sometimes women who are exceptionally punctilious make their first calls with reference to courtesies extended or received in the foregoing season4 ,thus1 they refer to their calling lists of the preceding winter1 in deciding on whom to make the first calls4 ,however1 this is entirely in the hands of the individual4 ,,calls ,,of ,,obligation ,there are certain obligatory calls that must be made1 if one wishes to be in accord with the laws of etiquette4 ,these are sometimes referred to as duty calls4 ,for instance1 it is essential for all wedding guests1 bridesmaids1 ushers1 and for the best man1 maid of honor and matron of honor to call on the bride's mother within three weeks after her daughter's wedding4 ,they must also call upon the bride as soon as she returns from her honeymoon4 ,if the wedding was held at the home of a sister or other relative1 the call is made to the lady who acted in the capacity of hostess4 ,the guests at a home wedding1 wedding reception or breakfast1 are also obligated to call on the bride's mother1 and on the bride herself1 in due course4 ,it is distinctly important for all guests1 both men and women1 at a formal dinner to call upon the hostess within two or1 at the most1 three weeks after the dinner4 ,this holds true even if the invitation was not accepted4 ,the dinner call should be paid promptly2 if a man or woman who has not accepted an invitation to dinner does not call within three weeks1 the hostess has every reason to believe that he1 or she1 does not desire her friendship and hospitality4 ,this same holds true of balls1 suppers1 parties and receptions4 ,not to accept an invitation1 and not to call1 is a gross incivility and reflects upon the good manners of the person who has neglected to make the obligatory call4 ,duty calls are necessary after formal luncheons or breakfasts1 and after musicales1 theater parties1 opera parties1 garden parties1 and after attending a christening4 ,such a call should be made within the two weeks following the event4 ,other obligatory calls are made both before and after a funeral4 ,the first call is merely a matter of card-leaving1 unless one is an intimate friend of the bereaved family4 ,after the funeral a call of condolence should be made4 ,a hostess who follows the laws of good society to the letter1 invariably calls on a new acquaintance before offering her any hospitality1 or before issuing any invitations to her4 ,other calls that are a matter of obligation are those of inquiry regarding a friend's health1 of congratulation to parents on the birth of a child1 and of congratulation to the young lady who has announced her engagement4 ,all these calls are social necessities1 and the man or woman who is well-bred never neglects them4 ,,about ,,returning ,,calls ,it is of the utmost importance that calls be promptly returned4 ,but perhaps the most exacting of all is the first call4 ,to neglect to return it within two weeks1 or three at the most1 or to explain by letter why it cannot be returned1 is to indicate tacitly that the caller's friendship is not desired4 ,this1 of course1 is an extremely rude and inconsiderate method to choose1 if one really does not desire to cultivate a certain friendship1 for there are many gracious and less unkind means to employ4 ,a bride1 or a visitor in a neighborhood1 or a newcomer to a town1 should not let more than ten days1 or at the most two weeks1 elapse before returning the civilities of their new neighbors4 ,the first call of a new acquaintance should be just as promptly returned4 ,after the first call is returned1 it depends upon the individuals concerned whether a friendship shall be developed1 or whether a calling acquaintance shall be kept up4 7,the expression calling acquaintance is used to indicate the custom of ladies calling upon each other once or twice during the year as a social duty1 rather than as a means of developing friendship47 ,when calls are exchanged only once in twelve months it is an indication that only a purely formal acquaintance exists between two people4 ,but when two women are friends1 they may exchange calls at intervals of three weeks or a month1 and sometimes very dear friends exchange calls every week4 ,however1 in this latter case the calls are more or less informal4 ,calls of condolence1 sympathy1 inquiry and congratulation are usually answered by sending cards or brief notes to the callers4 ,later1 on issuing from mourning1 or on recovery of health1 the calls of condolence and inquiry may be returned1 but it is not entirely necessary1 and depends largely upon the convenience and individual desire of the person on whom the call was made4 ,when a hostess is asked to invite the friends of her friends to a reception at her home1 she is not obligated to return their calls of duty4 ,nor does a woman return any of the calls1 formal or informal1 of her gentlemen acquaintances4 ,when one woman receives a call from another woman who bears a letter of introduction1 a return call must be made promptly1 or a letter of explanation written within two weeks after the day of the first call4 ,the same rule is observed between men4 ,,the ,,call ,,of ,,condolence ,it should be remembered that no hasty intrusions should ever be made upon grief4 ,it shows lack of good taste and extreme inconsideration4 ,only intimate friends of a bereaved family1 or of one member of that family1 call for any length of time4 ,others merely leave their cards with cordial inquiries regarding the health and spirits of the members of the family4 ,they may forward a box of flowers1 including their personal card in the box1 instead of calling to leave a card in person4 ,but when the formal call of condolence is made1 ten days or two weeks after the funeral1 the intimate friends of the family should be careful to avoid all subjects that would cause pain to the bereaved ones4 ,they should not1 unless gifted with rare tact1 make any reference to the death but should rather speak of cheerful things4 ,however1 it may be necessary to give some word of sympathy either upon greeting or departure4 ,a tactful way to greet a sorrowing person is to say simply1 ,i have called to assure you of my sympathy4 ,the subject should then be dropped and other matters discussed4 ,on departure a word of cheer and sympathy1 and a hearty warm hand-clasp go a long way towards helping matters4 ,calls of condolence should be brief4 ,it is poor form to remain longer than fifteen minutes1 unless one is a particularly intimate friend and able to relieve the intensity of grief by his or her presence4 ,if the person called upon feels the loss so poignantly that he or she cannot be composed1 it is far better to leave a cordial note at the door asking to be excused from all callers1 than to greet them and cause embarrassment by a display of emotion4 ,persons in affliction often prefer to be alone1 and the intrusion of anyone except their very dearest friends causes fresh grief4 ,,the ,,call ,,of ,,congratulation ,,and ,,inquiry ,calls of congratulation are warranted only by intimacy or by friendship of long standing4 ,after the birth of a child1 feminine friends of the mother incur the duty of calling upon her and leaving inquiries about her own and her child's health1 along with the customary congratulations4 ,friends of the young lady who announces her engagement are expected to call and offer congratulations4 ,this call is usually made between ten days and two weeks after the announcement is received4 ,married women who are friends of the young woman's mother also call to make their congratulations4 ,calls of inquiry are made during the illness or convalescence of a friend or acquaintance4 ,sometimes these calls are made after a fire or accident1 or after some several financial loss or other disaster4 ,extreme tact is needed in paying such calls4 ,the call itself assumes no greater proportions than that merely of doorstep card-leaving1 yet it is an expression of genuine sympathy and a desire to show that friendship will be continued no matter what happens4 ,the chapter devoted to visiting cards contains several model cards of inquiry that can be used on the various occasions mentioned4 ,,the ,,social ,,calls ,,of ,,men ,gentlemen of good society usually devote ,sunday afternoons and evenings to their formal visits4 ,weekday evenings are also often given over to the same purpose4 ,the gentleman who calls upon a lady shows good taste and consideration by selecting her day at home4 ,a man is expected to make calls of condolence1 inquiry and congratulation upon all his intimate friends1 men and women4 ,he is also expected to pay a call promptly upon a hostess who has entertained him either at dinner or a dance4 ,however1 he may not call again unless he is invited to do so by the hostess4 ,a bachelor residing in a new neighborhood is expected to return all first calls made upon him1 but he has the privilege of requesting a sister or woman relative living with him to make the return call in his name4 ,when introduced to a gentleman by means of a letter of introduction from a mutual friend1 it is essential that the recipient return the call within three days4 ,this holds true also if it is a lady who presents the letter of introduction4 ,gentlemen who are invited to balls1 dinners1 theater parties1 garden parties1 etc41 are expected to make calls within ten days or two weeks1 even though they do not accept the invitation4 ,,the ,,invalid',s ,,call ,an invalid may return calls by sending a daughter or a close friend in her stead4 ,a sister may also make calls for an invalided woman4 ,when a member of society is an invalid1 with no daughters or sisters1 and with no very intimate friends1 she may issue cards or notes through the mails if she wishes to keep up her social activities4 ,a daughter of an invalid calls upon all her mother's friends1 introduces herself1 and explains why she is appearing in her mother's place4 ,or she may just leave her mother's card1 with her own name and a word of explanation written above it4 ,the latter method is undoubtedly the most satisfactory4 ,a person who is invalided temporarily may send cards in answer to the courtesies of friends or she may allow her daughter to assume her social responsibilities4 ,usually because of the heavy demands which society places upon one she goes back to her round of calls1 teas1 receptions1 etc41 gradually rather than all at once4 ,friends are always considerate under such circumstances and etiquette never exacts more than one can possibly do4 ,,asking ,a ,,new ,,acquaintance ,,to ,,call ,you cannot1 except under special conditions1 invite people to your home unless you have called on them in formal manner and they have returned the visit4 ,a young woman1 and an unmarried woman1 wait for an invitation to call from an older woman and matron4 ,it is not advisable for a young woman to ask a gentleman to call until she has met him several times and is quite sure that she wishes to develop his friendship4 ,a woman never calls upon a gentleman except on a business mission1 in which case she may not discuss social or domestic topics4 ,a married woman does not leave a card for an unmarried man unless she has been to a reception at his house2 then she leaves one of her own cards with one of her husband's4 ,it is expected of a young matron or of a dbutante that she request being permitted to call upon an elderly matron or old lady after the two have met at a watering-place or in the home of a mutual friend1 and after having exchanged cards4 ,a gentleman who wishes to call upon a young girl he admires1 first asks permission of the lady's mother1 being quite certain1 of course1 that his visit would be agreeable to the young lady herself4 ,to ask permission of the mother is to convey a very distinct compliment to both women1 and reflects culture and breeding upon the character of the young man himself4 ,when asking a gentleman to call it is sufficient to say1 ,mother and ,i will be at home ,wednesday at three o'clock1 ,mr4 ,blank4 ,i hope you will come to see us1 or1 ,i should be very glad to have you visit me1 ,mr4 ,blank4 ,mother and ,i are usually at home in the evenings4 ,in some sections of the country it is customary for the gentleman to ask permission to call upon a young lady1 rather than for the young lady to request him to call4 ,he may say1 ,miss ,blank1 ,i hope ,i may call on you sometime before very long1 or ,i would like to call upon you at your home1 ,miss ,blank4 ,may ,i call some evening when you and your mother are at home8 ,,the ,,woman',s ,,business ,,call ,a woman may call on a man only for business purposes4 ,in this case the man is usually her clergyman1 editor1 lawyer1 physician or merchant1 and the call is made during office hours4 ,the woman who is making a business call does not usually send in a visiting card1 but merely gives her name to the attendant4 ,she states her business briefly1 remembering to avoid all personal1 social or domestic topics not essential to the furtherance of the matter in hand4 ,if it is necessary for a woman to call upon a man at his home1 she must be accompanied by a male relative1 or by a woman older than herself4 ,this holds true only when she is entirely unacquainted with the members of the man's family1 and is only acquainted with the man himself through business interests4 ,she does not send up her cards1 merely her name1 and she makes her visit as short as possible4 ,when a woman calls at a bachelor apartment or at a gentleman's studio it is an unimpeachable law of etiquette that she be correctly chaperoned4 ,etiquette also bars a woman from visiting a gentleman's club1 even for the purpose of seeing her husband4 ,the lady who has been entertained at the home of a gentleman may drive to his door and send up her card4 ,but she never enters his home for a social visit4 ,,receiving ,,calls ,the day at home is devoted exclusively to the receiving and entertaining of callers4 ,this day at home is decided by the hostess at the beginning of the season2 one day each week1 or one day in every two weeks1 is set apart for receiving calls4 ,the hostess should be ready to receive her first call by a few minutes before three o'clock4 ,she may1 if she wishes1 specify a certain hour for calling on her at-home card1 but if she prefers to leave the hour open1 she should be prepared to greet her guests from three o'clock in the afternoon until a little before half-past five4 ,there are three methods that may be employed in announcing a caller4 ,the method you choose should be governed by what you can afford and by what is most convenient for you4 ,the most formal and effective plan is to have a full-liveried butler at the door to lead each guest to the drawing-room1 and then announce his or her name to the hostess4 ,or a servant may be at the door to offer each visitor a small silver tray1 on which to place his or her card4 ,the most simple method is to place a large tray in the hall1 preferably on a small table that is conspicuously situated1 and into this the cards of the callers may be cast as they pass into the drawing-room4 ,it should be remembered that a maid-servant never announces callers1 but only offers them a card-tray and helps them with their wraps4 ,the caller at an apartment house should first have the hall boy telephone up to the hostess--unless the caller is expected--to know if she is at home4 ,it is not permissible except among very intimate friends to go up unannounced4 ,the hostess should always prepare some sort of refreshment for her guests on the day at home4 ,in winter1 tea or hot chocolate may be served with wafers or cake4 ,sometimes light sandwiches and bonbons are served on the day at home4 ,in the warm summer months1 if calls are made1 the visitors may be refreshed with iced tea1 chocolate or punch4 ,,duties ,,of ,,the ,,hostess ,on her day at home1 the hostess makes every effort to make her callers feel that she is glad to have them4 ,she rises as each new guest makes his or her appearance1 steps forward and offers her hand in greeting4 ,the expressions1 ,how do you do1 ,mrs4 ,brown1 and ,i am delighted to see you1 ,mr4 ,gray1 are effective phrases of greeting4 ,it is her important duty to make general introductions1 and to give some special attention to each caller as he or she arrives1 drawing him into conversation with the others before leaving him to greet another newcomer4 ,if the rooms are warm1 the hostess may invite a feminine caller to remove her wraps1 but she must not assume this privilege with the gentleman4 ,she usually serves tea or chocolate herself1 but if there are many guests1 she may ask one or two friends to assist her4 ,it is poor hospitality to insist upon replenishing a cup of tea after a guest has declined with thanks4 ,,receiving ,,the ,,chance ,,caller ,it is not always very convenient to entertain chance callers1 especially if one has some important business or appointment to attend to4 ,but when the servant at the door has admitted that her mistress is at home1 the hostess should exert every effort to make good the servant's assurance4 ,she must not keep the caller waiting1 nor must she ask to be excused after the caller has been admitted4 ,if important business claims her time1 she may come to the drawing-room and after welcoming the visitor1 explain the situation and ask to be excused4 ,by no means may she send a written or verbal excuse by messenger4 ,having been admitted1 the presence of the hostess is demanded if it is for no other reason than to offer an excuse4 ,if the hostess has no pressing business duties or appointments to which to attend1 it is her duty to afford every hospitality to the chance caller4 ,if the call is made in the afternoon1 and if the hostess ordinarily serves tea at that hour1 she may serve tea1 chocolate or punch with cake or wafers4 ,when the caller is a gentleman1 and the hostess a young lady1 it is proper to call one's mother or chaperon into the drawing-room to make the correct introduction1 or if the visitor is already known1 to welcome him4 ,a young lady who is well-bred does not entertain gentlemen until they have been welcomed by her mother4 ,when two chance callers arrive at the same time1 the hostess is1 of course1 under obligation to make the necessary introductions4 ,,when ,,the ,,host ,,is ,,at ,,home ,it is not very often that the host is present at his wife's day at home1 for the very good reason that business claims all his time during the day4 ,but there is no reason why he should not be present if he desires to and if it is convenient for him4 ,the duty of any masculine member of a family appearing in the drawing-room on the day at home--whether it be husband1 son or brother--is to share in the honors and obligations of the occasion4 ,he will be introduced to those visitors with whom he is not already acquainted1 by his wife or sister1 as the case may be2 and he is expected to assist in entertaining1 pass the cups1 make introductions1 accompany departing guests to the door and join in the conversations4 ,when it can be arranged it is most delightful for the husband and wife to receive their friends together4 ,for this reason even formal society is lenient with regard to time and ,sundays may be utilized for at homes1 teas1 or receptions4 ,,taking ,,leave ,,of ,,the ,,hostess ,the hostess is not expected to accompany her departing guests to the door when there are others still in the room to claim her attention4 ,however1 it is only a matter of genuine friendliness and politeness to accompany each departing guest as far as the drawing-room door4 ,this rule does not hold true when one of the guests is infirm1 or when the hostess is entertaining a very distinguished visitor4 ,but ordinarily1 it is all-sufficient to rise when a guest moves to depart1 offer one's hand in cordial farewell1 and say1 ,good afternoon1 ,miss ,cary4 ,so good of you to come1 or1 ,good-by1 ,mrs4 ,blank1 ,i hope to hear some more about that wonderful trip to ,east ,india4 ,the hostess continues to stand until the guest turns to pass out of the room4 ,if the guest is a woman1 it is a mark of extreme politeness to remain standing until she has left the room entirely4 ,when all the guests have departed1 the hostess usually accompanies the last visitor to the hall door2 and if it is a special friend1 she is privileged to accompany her to the very street door4 ,however1 the hostess must be careful not to extend any special courtesies to an intimate friend while other guests are present1 nor may she draw a visitor aside to converse in an undertone about some private or personal affair4 ,on rising to depart1 a caller seeks out the hostess and bids her a formal adieu4 ,prolonged farewells are not the best taste1 for they keep the hostess standing and distracted when there are others who are entitled to her time and attention4 ,as soon as one intimates that he or she wishes to depart1 a quick but cordial farewell should be taken and the departure made as soon as possible4 ,to bow oneself out of the drawing-room is a foreign and wholly undemocratic custom which no well-bred man or woman recognizes4 ,a slight inclination of the head1 a cordial good-afternoon to the guests1 and a formal farewell to the hostess should be followed by immediate leaving of the room4 ,in apartment houses it is a pretty little attention for the hostess to accompany her guest to the elevator and ring the bell for her4 ,this she should1 of course1 not do in the event that there are others present to claim her attention4 ,a gentleman rises from his seat when a woman enters and when she rises to depart4 ,when taking leave of the hostess he waits for her to offer her hand1 otherwise he merely bows and offers some word of farewell4 ,,the ,,evening ,,call ,a gentleman is privileged to make his call in return for a hospitality extended him in the evening4 ,it is considerate of him1 when he cannot call in the afternoon1 to call on the evening of the hostess' day at home4 ,when a young man has been asked to call by a young lady1 he does not ask to see her alone but requests of the servant at the door that he be announced to the ladies4 ,this is especially important1 for it infers that he expects to be presented to the young lady's mother or her chaperon4 ,after he has met her mother1 it is entirely proper for him1 when calling1 to request to see the particular lady for whom the visit is intended4 ,a gentleman is usually shown into the drawing-room by the servant4 ,he retains his overcoat and gloves until the servant returns to let him know that the young lady will receive him presently2 then he divests himself of these garments and either puts them himself in the hall1 or entrusts them to the servant4 ,when the lady enters1 he rises1 steps forward to meet her1 and does not resume his seat until she has seated herself4 ,,when ,,gentlemen ,,receive ,,callers ,a lady does not call upon a gentleman unless it is for the purpose of business4 ,under such conditions1 the gentleman rises1 finds her a seat and proceeds immediately with the matter of business4 ,no social or domestic topics are introduced4 ,if the interview is to be a short one1 or if the man is pressed for time1 he may go out to meet the lady in the corridor or outer office and stand while he hears her business4 ,when a lady is admitted to his private office1 a gentleman does not receive her with his hat on1 or with his coat off4 ,he refrains from smoking1 and gives her his whole attention during the interview4 ,if the telephone rings1 he must excuse himself before answering it4 ,he rises when the lady is ready to leave1 opens the door for her1 and accompanies her to the door or elevator if he wishes to be extremely polite4 ,however1 this latter courtesy is necessary only when the visitor is a relative or special friend4 ,a gentleman merely bows when a lady takes her departure1 unless she herself offers her hand4 ,it is quite permissible when certain pressing affairs claim one's attention to request to be excused or postpone the business call until some later date4 ,or if he wishes her to be brief1 the gentleman may courteously request the lady to do so1 and he will invariably find that she will be only too willing to comply with his request4 ,but there can be no excuse for the man who insists upon being curt to women who call at his office on matters of business1 any more than there is an excuse for lack of gallantry and courtesy in the drawing-room4 ,a gentleman receives his masculine callers at his home as cordially and with as much hospitality as the lady receives her feminine friends4 ,he must observe all the rules outlined for the hostess4 ,he greets each caller formally1 makes all necessary introductions1 sees that conversation runs smoothly and pleasantly1 and if he wishes1 offers refreshments4 ,when he has a mother or sister to help him entertain1 he may invite women guests1 and then it is his duty to accompany each lady as far as the door and see that her car is in readiness4 ,when the last guest to depart is a gentleman1 the host usually goes with him as far as the hall door1 and assists him with his coat4 ,,making ,a ,,chance ,,call ,very often a call is returned on some other day than that set apart by the hostess for the day at home4 ,it is not always convenient for friends and acquaintances to observe a certain day at home1 but when they call on other days they always are faced with uncertainty4 ,of course there are some women who do not have a definite day at home1 but they may be found at home almost any afternoon4 ,a woman calling on a friend or acquaintance on no definite day makes some such inquiry as follows of the servant at the door3 ,is ,mrs4 ,gray at home8 or1 ,are the ladies in this afternoon8 ,having received a reply in the negative1 the caller leaves her card and departs4 ,there must be no questions as to where the ladies may be1 or what time they shall return1 unless one is a particularly intimate friend of the entire family4 ,when the servant announces at the door that her mistress is not at home1 it may mean either that she is out of the house entirely or that she is so completely occupied with business that she is not able to entertain4 ,in either case1 however1 the report of the servant must be taken as final1 and it may not be questioned4 ,,informal ,,calls ,we will call it that--these friendly little visits that neighbors make upon each other in smaller towns1 or in less fashionable circles4 ,informal calls4 ,but you may call them friendly calls1 if you wish4 ,in small towns1 and especially in the country1 women may drop in for a chat with their neighbors any time in the afternoon4 ,even morning calls between ten and one o'clock are permissible4 ,there is nothing formal about these calls4 ,it is not necessary to have a liveried butler at the door to announce the name1 nor a small silver tray on which to place the caller's card4 ,butlers1 cards and formalities are all omitted1 and the call drops into a delightfully intimate visit4 ,it would be ridiculous to attempt to set down a definite time limit for these calls4 ,they may be as short as twenty minutes or as long as two hours1 depending entirely upon the individuals and the circumstances4 ,refreshments may or may not be served as one pleases4 ,formal greetings and farewells are dispensed with1 and in their place are cordial hellos and good-bys that are entirely conducive to good friendship4 ,if you feel that1 because you are not fortunate enough to own a pretentious dwelling and to hire impressive butlers and maid-servants to welcome your guests1 you should not make calls and have them returned1 you are depriving yourself of a pleasure infinitely greater than all elaborate display and ostentation4 ,simple1 informal calls made for the purpose of creating and developing friendships1 and made with a feeling of genuine cordiality and friendliness1 are even more gratifying than the stiffly formal social calls4 ,do not feel that you are obeying etiquette's decrees when you neglect your friendships merely because your home and facilities do not warrant extensive social intercourse4 ,true etiquette is universal in its appeal and reaches the country-woman in her little cottage as directly as it reaches the stately dowager in her city mansion4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,,visiting ,,cards--,,and ,,others ,,your ,,card ,a ,,representative ,,of ,,you ,an interesting anecdote we have in mind will illustrate better than anything we can say1 the importance of the correct card1 whether it be in business or social activities4 ,a rather eccentric gentleman discovered an amazing new commodity for which there had been considerable demand for many years4 ,he became immediately famous4 ,reporters besieged his home and office in quest of interviews1 but the reports in the newspapers were of the vaguest and most indefinite4 ,he shunned publicity1 and absolutely refused to see or speak to anyone4 ,then a brilliant young chap who knew and understood the eccentricities of the inventor1 conceived the idea of having a special card engraved to send in to him4 ,the others laughed at his foolish idea as they called it1 but he had absolute faith in his plan4 ,he had a neat white card engraved with his name and address1 much the same form and size as the ordinary social card4 ,but in the lower left-hand corner1 in tiny italics1 these words were printed3 ,wishes to tell the people the truth about your discovery4 ,the card went in to the inventor4 ,the reporter was admitted4 ,and his paper boasted headlines and columns of startling facts the next day that no other paper in town had4 ,the very appearance of the card1 its neatness and its obvious originality1 commanded the attention of the man who hated publicity1 and caused him to submit to an interview4 ,of course we cannot all have special cards printed for certain occasions4 ,nor can we be original to the extent that we do not follow the rules of etiquette regarding correct forms for social cards4 ,but we can make our cards so distinctive1 so representative of ourselves1 that the recipient will find as much pleasure in receiving them as we in offering them4 ,and by distinctive we do not mean the fancy or embellished card1 but the one that is strictly in accord with the rules of good usage as outlined in the following paragraphs4 ,,general ,,rules ,,regarding ,,cards ,social and professional cards should be engraved either on copper or steel2 plain1 readable type should be used4 ,ornate scripts that are hardly legible should be avoided4 ,ordinary script type is permissible1 but it must not be fancy or comprised wholly of swinging flourishes4 ,a plain letter is always preferable4 ,the ordinary ,roman type1 or any new modification of it1 or ,gothic lettering1 is always in good taste4 ,when a large quantity of cards is desired1 the copper-plate should be requested1 as the greatest number of clear impressions can be taken from it4 ,requests may also be made of the stationer to use an embossed plate so that the letters stand out in relief4 ,the color should be white or cream4 ,other colors are in bad taste1 although sometimes buff and pale blue cards are used by professional men and women4 ,the stock should be thin2 not as thin as paper1 but much thinner than that used for other kinds of cards4 ,cards are engraved with the owner's name and address1 or with the name alone4 ,if it is a professional card1 the word ,artist or ,attorney-at-law or whatever the profession happens to be may appear in the lower left-hand corner4 ,military men may also print their rank or position in this corner1 as may also professors and others holding a title of distinction4 ,the engraving of names and addresses should never be in any color but black4 ,black engraving on a pure white card is the best form for the social card4 ,gilt letterings are an indication of ignorance1 and so are brightly colored engraving or highly tinted paper4 ,,size ,,of ,,cards ,,for ,,women ,each new visiting season brings with it new fashions in cards--fashions that chiefly affect the size of the card4 ,thus it would hardly be practical to state definitely correct sizes4 ,but we will give here the approximate size for the woman's visiting and social cards1 and exact information can be acquired from one's personal stationer or from one of the current magazines which run special departments to take care of matters of this kind4 ,when a lady's card bears her name only1 it should never measure more than two and seven-eighths inches in length and two and one-eighth inches in width4 ,no card should be smaller than two and one-half inches in length and one and seven-eighths inches in width4 ,a double card1 on which the names of both mother and daughter or both husband and wife appear1 should be about three inches and a half in length1 by two and one-half in width4 ,no decorations of any kind should be used on a card4 ,polite society at the present time favors pure white1 unglazed bristol board about two and two-thirds inches in length by two and one-eighth inches in width4 ,,size ,,and ,,material ,,of ,,cards ,,for ,,men ,it is usual for a man's card to be narrower and the least bit shorter than a woman's4 ,the ordinary size is two and five-eighths inches by one and three-eighths inches1 but like the woman's card is subject to change4 ,the stationer will be able to give definite information regarding the size of the man's card at the present time4 ,a man's card is as severely simple and unadorned as the woman's4 ,no ornamentation1 no flourish in the lettering4 ,just plain1 readable type or script engraved in black upon white4 ,the card itself should be of polished1 but not glazed1 bristol board1 the kind that is flexible and thin4 ,some gentlemen have their cards made of especially thin stock to avoid bulky card cases or waistcoat pockets4 ,a bachelor may have his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card1 with the name of his favorite club opposite4 ,if he resides entirely at his club1 the name is engraved in the lower right-hand corner4 ,it is bad form to have a business address engraved on one's social visiting card4 ,an at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card1 but appears in the lower left-hand corner of his wife's card4 ,a bachelor is not expected to devote a definite day to the entertaining of callers unless he is an artist with a studio4 ,,titles ,,on ,,cards ,,for ,,women ,a woman's visiting card should be engraved solely with her name1 address and day at home4 ,any decorations such as gilded edges1 crests or superfluous engravings are an indication of bad taste4 ,in ,america a lady never assumes any title other than ,mrs4 or ,miss on her social card4 ,there is only one exception to this rule3 a professional woman may use her title of doctor of medicine1 etc4 ,in this case1 even though she is married1 she drops her husband's ,christian names and signs herself ,marian ,m4 ,browning1 ,m4,d4 ,a woman does not share1 on her cards1 the honorary titles of her husband4 ,for instance1 the wife of our president has her cards engraved ,mrs4 ,warren ,gamaliel ,harding4 ,the wife of a secretary1 judge1 general or admiral does not use any title other than ,mrs4 ,even the woman who is a successful physician should not use her title on her social cards1 unless1 as explained above1 she is elderly4 ,it is wise for a woman physician to have two sets of cards1 one with her name and title1 and with her office hours in the corner1 the other with her name alone1 and her house address in the corner4 ,a physician's social card should be engraved simply ,miss ,marian ,mansfield ,browning4 ,it is always better form to give in full the ,christian name or names1 as well as the surname4 ,it is not tasteful to indicate by an initial only the husband's first name1 and engrave his middle name1 thus3 ,mrs4 ,j4 ,henry ,williams4 ,both names should be given in full4 ,it is not considered dignified to use abbreviations of a husband's name1 as ,frank for ,francis1 ,alec for ,alexander1 ,joe for ,joseph4 ,nor should an unmarried woman use such abbreviations of her name as ,polly1 ,sally1 ,dolly1 etc4 ,the wife who is the senior matron of the senior branch of a family may drop both her husband's first and middle names from her cards1 and have them read simply3 ,mrs4 ,robinson4 ,her eldest unmarried daughter is entitled to use a card reading3 ,miss ,robinson4 ,when the name is a very ordinary one like ,brown or ,smith1 it is always wiser to use the ,christian names to avoid confusion4 ,a spinster1 or as the modern woman likes to call herself1 the bachelor girl1 may not use cards engraved merely ,miss ,gray1 unless she is the oldest daughter of a family4 ,she has her cards engraved in either of the three following forms3 ,miss ,mary ,hammond ,gray or ,miss ,mary ,h4 ,gray or just ,miss ,mary ,gray4 ,the first initial should never be used1 except when the young lady is known by her middle name1 unless professional purposes demand it4 ,mrs4 ,john ,jay ,holmes #ab ,west ,street ,miss ,helen ,holmes #ab ,west ,street ,,cards ,,for ,,widows ,a widow is privileged to retain her husband's ,christian name on her card if she wishes1 unless her eldest son is married and bears the full name of his deceased father4 ,in this case1 of course1 there would be confusion1 and it is much wiser for her to have her cards engraved with her own ,christian and middle names1 in this manner3 ,mrs4 ,lucille ,may ,hopkins4 ,if there is no reason for her to drop her husband's ,christian and middle names after his death1 she may sign herself3 ,mrs4 ,henry ,waltam ,hopkins4 ,at the present time1 it is good form for the woman who has been divorced to use her maiden surname with the surname of the divorced or deceased husband1 dropping all ,christian names4 ,thus a woman whose maiden name was ,harris would have her cards engraved ,mrs4 ,harris ,smith if she is divorced from her husband4 ,the name1 even if she resumes her full maiden name1 should be prefixed by ,mrs41 never by ,miss4 ,a widow should avoid following the style prescribed for a divorced woman1 since it is likely to cause embarrassing ambiguity4 ,it is fully permissible for a widow to revive her maiden name after several years of widowhood4 ,the divorced woman1 however1 may not use her maiden name on her cards until there has been a legal annulment of her marriage1 in which case1 as was stated above1 she uses it with the title ,mrs41 not ,miss4 ,,the ,,young ,,lady',s ,,card ,when a young lady has been formally introduced to society by her mother1 she uses for her first year of calls1 cards that bear her name below that of her mother4 ,she assumes a private card only when she is no longer a dbutante4 ,the joint card1 as it is called1 should be larger in size than the card her mother ordinarily uses1 and the young lady's ,christian and middle names should be used unless she is the eldest daughter of the family4 ,a model card appears below3 ,mrs4 ,robert ,cole ,miss ,jean ,evelyn ,cole ,tuesdays ,south ,street ,when mother and daughter pay calls together1 this one card serves for both4 ,but when the daughter makes calls alone1 she runs a pencil line lightly through her mother's name--unless1 of course1 she is merely leaving cards and not making formal calls4 ,the mother does not use the double card when calling alone1 unless she is leaving cards for herself and her daughter4 ,very often the double card1 with the name of mother and daughter1 is used even after the daughter has emerged from her dbutanteship1 when both are visiting together4 ,in less formal society the daughter has her own card bearing only her name1 with or without title1 which she uses whenever the occasion demands it1 and in many instances1 even when she makes her dbut she has a card of her own which she uses instead of or in addition to the one which she shares with her mother4 ,when daughters make their dbut in society at the same time1 the name of the mother appears nearest the top1 as before1 directly below it is ,miss ,cole for the eldest daughter1 and below that ,miss ,edna ,cole for her younger sister4 ,the form ,the ,misses ,cole may also be used when there are two or three daughters4 ,the joint card is used to announce the address and at-home day1 at the beginning of the season2 but it is also used when the ladies of a family send a wedding gift with their card1 when they send flowers to an invalided friend or when they make calls of condolence or congratulation together4 ,there are several other double1 or joint1 cards used besides those of the mother and daughter4 ,a motherless girl1 living with her father1 may couple her name with his4 ,sisters who have no parents may use a double card with the name of the older engraved above that of the younger1 or with the simple inscription1 ,the ,misses ,gray4 ,a sister who is unmarried often shares a joint card with a married sister1 when they are living together4 ,a chaperon and motherless girl1 an aunt and unmarried niece are entitled to use joint cards if they wish4 ,after her first season1 a young lady1 when calling alone1 uses her own card4 ,however1 if her mother is an active hostess who issues her cards every season and receives with her daughters1 she does not indicate a day at home on her personal cards4 ,a supply of double cards should always be available when there are daughters in the family1 even though they issue their own cards1 for many instances arise when the double card is more acceptable than any other4 ,,indicating ,,the ,,day ,,at ,,home ,the lower left-hand corner of the visiting card is reserved for the day at home4 ,if one day each week--or rather one afternoon from three until six o'clock each week--is devoted to the entertaining of visitors1 the word ,fridays or ,tuesdays is engraved in the corner4 ,there need be no explanation1 no further details1 unless the hostess for some reason wishes to state the hours during which she will be receiving1 in which case it is quite permissible to add them to the names of the day or days4 ,sometimes particular limits are set on the days at home4 ,for instance some hostesses are at home only one afternoon in every second1 or every third1 week4 ,this requires special wording4 ,for instance1 ,first and ,fourth ,wednesdays or ,first ,fridays 7meaning first ,fridays in the month74 ,one may also set a time limit by having one's cards engraved3 ,tuesdays until ,lent or ,mondays until ,april1 or ,wednesdays1 ,december #i--af--bc4 ,,the ,,married ,,couple',s ,,card ,the married woman finds many occasions to use the card that is engraved with her husband's and her name4 ,it is never used to announce her day at home1 unless he is to receive with her1 though she may use it when calling1 if she wishes4 ,the double card for a married couple is larger than the individual card1 but just about the size of the double card used for mother and daughter4 ,a model is shown below4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,blake #bjj ,west ,end ,avenue ,brides use the joint card when returning calls made upon them after their return from the honeymoon4 ,it is also customary for such a card to be inclosed with a wedding invitation or with an announcement of marriage1 to give the united names of the couple with their future address and day at home4 ,if this last plan is not followed1 the bride posts1 immediately upon her return home1 a double card bearing her address and day at home1 to all her own and her husband's friends4 ,the double card is then rarely used1 except for such occasions as when husband and wife send a gift together1 or pay calls of inquiry1 condolence or congratulation together4 ,,using ,,jr4 ,,and ,,sr4 ,jr4 is a contraction of the word ,junior2 ,sr4 is a contraction of the word ,senior4 ,these suffixes are not generally used on women's cards1 but there are several occasions when they are necessary4 ,there is1 for instance1 the lady whose husband bearing the same name as his father lives in the same town4 ,her cards must bear the suffix ,jr4 if they are not to be confused with the cards of her mother-in-law4 ,in this instance1 if the mother-in-law were a widow using her husband's full name1 it would be necessary for her to add the word ,senior1 or its abbreviation1 ,sr41 after her name to avoid having it confused with that of her daughter-in-law4 ,the latter would1 in this case1 omit the ,jr4 from her cards4 ,if both women lost their husbands1 and both wished to retain the husband's ,christian names on their cards1 the discriminating ,jr4 and ,sr4 should be used4 ,these suffixes do not have to be used if the younger widow only retains the ,christian names of her husband1 and the older woman revives the use of her own ,christian and middle names4 ,jr4 and ,sr4 may appear on the cards in their abbreviated forms4 ,indeed1 it is preferable if the name is a long one4 ,,titles ,,on ,,cards ,,for ,,men ,a gentleman's card should always bear some distinguishing title4 ,the only time when ,mr4 may be omitted1 is when ,jr4 or ,sr4 follows the name1 or when some honorary title is conferred4 ,a boy under sixteen may have a card which bears only his name without title4 ,undignified abbreviations or contractions of names should never be used on a gentleman's card4 ,the inscription should read3 ,mr4 ,robert ,w4 ,blake or1 preferably1 ,mr4 ,robert ,walter ,blake4 ,such contractions as ,mr4 ,bob ,blake or ,mr4 ,r4 ,walter ,blake are discountenanced by good society4 ,only the gentleman who represents the head of the senior branch of his family may use a card with his name engraved simply1 ,mr4 ,blake4 ,very often a bachelor has his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card1 with the name of his favorite club in the corner opposite4 ,if he resides entirely at his club1 its name occupies the place usually reserved on the card for home addresses4 ,an at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card1 unless he is an artist and has many friends who are fond of coming to his studio4 ,in the army1 only those men whose ranks are above captain use their military title on their visiting cards4 ,others use merely the prefix ,mr4 ,men who are officers of volunteer regiments are not entitled to the use of military titles on their cards1 and they should be careful to use only ,mr4 before their names4 ,a captain1 major1 or colonel in the army signifies in the corner of the card whether his command is in the artillery1 the infantry1 or the cavalry4 ,a ,justice of the ,supreme ,court has his cards engraved with the title ,mr4 ,justice preceding his name1 thus3 ,mr4 ,justice ,john ,emmonds ,gary4 ,lawyers and judges of the lower courts may use only the prefix ,mr4 ,presidents of colleges1 officers of the navy1 physicians and clergymen all signify their office1 rank or profession on their cards4 ,a physician may have his card engraved in either of these two approved manners3 ,dr4 ,everett ,johnson or ,everett ,johnson1 ,m4,d4 ,a clergyman who has received his degree does not use the title ,dr41 but has his cards engraved1 ,elmer ,j4 ,burnham1 ,d4,d4 ,other men with honorary titles follow a similar style4 ,members of the cabinet1 if they wish1 may have their cards formally engraved ,the ,secretary of ,state1 ,the ,secretary of ,war1 ,the ,secretary of the ,interior1 etc4 ,a senator1 however1 may use only the prefix ,mr41 having his cards engraved ,mr4 ,johnson4 ,of course the president and vice-president1 and ambassadors indicate their office and rank on their card1 as do also all professors and deans of colleges4 ,a member of the faculty of ,yale would have his cards inscribed1 ,mr4 ,walter ,beacon ,clark1 ,yale ,university4 ,foreign consuls and representatives use only the title ,mr4 ,business addresses should never be used on a gentleman's social card4 ,a physician or clergyman need not follow this rule1 provided that no office hours are given4 ,mr4 ,robert ,livingston #d ,west ,tenth ,street ,,professional ,,cards ,,for ,,men ,professional cards and visiting cards should always be kept distinct from each other4 ,the physician who uses his professional card1 with business hours engraved on it1 for a social call1 is committing an irretrievable blunder in etiquette4 ,a physician has the privilege of choosing either of two forms for his professional card4 ,he may prefix his name with ,dr4 or add the initials ,m4,d4 to it4 ,in the lower right-hand corner of the card1 his house address is engraved2 and in the opposite corner1 his office hours4 ,for his social cards1 the physician omits the office hours and uses ,m4,d4 after his name rather than ,dr4 before it4 ,rev4 or ,reverend1 is the approved title for a clergyman4 ,cards are engraved3 ,reverend ,raymond ,falke ,fleming or ,rev4 ,raymond ,f4 ,fleming4 ,a clergyman who is entitled to the degree of doctor may use all his titles on his professional cards1 but has his social card engraved merely3 ,ralph ,kendrick ,williams1 ,d4,d4 ,not infrequently it happens that a man has occasion to write his name on a card with his own hand4 ,in this case he does not omit the conventional ,mr41 or his honorary titles1 but writes his name identically as it would appear if engraved4 ,no card should be crowded with a great deal of information but a business card may bear whatever is necessary really to represent the person whose name appears upon it4 ,the salesman or other representative of a large firm has the name of the firm on his business card and the man who is in a highly specialized kind of work such as advertising1 may have the word ,advertising engraved on his card4 ,an agent for a particular kind of commodity may have this fact indicated on his business card4 ,such details have1 of course1 absolutely no place on the social card4 ,,cards ,,for ,,mourning ,the tradition of edging a card with black in deference to the dead can be traced back to the ancient ,patagonians who used black paint to denote the passing of a spirit4 ,they painted their bodies black1 if they were near relatives of the deceased1 and painted all the belongings of the dead man or woman black4 ,this may not have been so much mourning as it was fear1 for these people of long ago were afraid of death1 and they used the death-color largely to please the spirit of the one who died4 ,perhaps the black-bordered mourning cards we use to-day are used more in the spirit of ostentation and display rather than that of mourning4 ,unless one is truly sorrowing over the death of some dear one1 mourning cards should not be used4 ,when they are used1 the borders should be very narrow--never more than one-fourth of an inch4 ,they should not be carried by people who are not in strict mourning garments4 ,during the first year of widowhood1 the mourning card should have a black border one-fourth of an inch deep4 ,the second year the border may be diminished one-sixteenth of an inch2 and every six months after that1 the same amount may be detracted from the border1 until mourning is put off entirely4 ,a widower's card has a border narrower than the widow's in proportion to the size of their respective cards4 ,it1 too1 is gradually decreased in width until the end of the mourning period4 ,this graduation1 or rather gradual narrowing1 of the border is not used in the mourning of a sister's1 brother's or parent's death4 ,for these relatives1 a border not less than a sixteenth or more than an eighth of an inch in width should be used4 ,mourning cards should not be assumed for an uncle1 aunt or cousin1 unless genuine sorrow and heartfelt sympathy are felt4 ,a border that is a sixteenth of an inch in width is sufficient for the complete period of mourning for these latter relatives4 ,the mourning cards of parents and widows should bear the broadest black borders1 but even they must not exceed the conventional width1 which is not more than one-fourth of an inch4 ,very wide1 glaring borders denote bad taste on the part of the owner4 7,see footnote7#a #a ,there seems to be a tendency for widows to use1 the first year of their mourning1 cards that have borders measuring one-third of an inch in width4 ,certainly if one is in deep mourning1 and genuinely sorrowing1 a border of this width is permissible4 ,but the one-quarter inch border1 varying down to one-sixteenth of an inch1 is always preferred1 always in better taste4 ,,when ,,the ,,woman ,,goes ,a-,,calling ,a visiting card is always left on the hall table or on the card tray1 if it is not given to the servant4 ,the caller must on no occasion carry it in and present it to her hostess like a billet d'admission4 ,a woman never presents it herself to her hostess4 ,when the call is made on the hostess' day at home1 cards are left on the tray in the hall as each caller passes through to the drawing- or reception-room4 ,if it is the first call of the season1 to that particular friend or acquaintance1 she places one of her own cards and one of her husband's in the tray4 ,subsequent calls of the season do not require one of her own cards left each time in the tray2 but if the call is made in return for some hospitality or entertainment accorded her and her husband1 she leaves two of the latter's cards--provided1 only1 that the hostess is a married woman4 ,until about #ahic1 women1 when paying calls and finding that the hostess was not at home1 turned down the left corner of the card towards the center1 to indicate that all the women members of the family were included in the call4 ,if the right corner was also turned down1 it meant that the visitor came to make a formal call1 not for the simple purpose of card-leaving4 ,this custom has been entirely eliminated in ,america1 at any rate1 though it still prevails in certain foreign countries4 ,and rightly so1 for it is both affected and untidy4 ,,when ,,more ,,than ,,one ,,card ,,is ,,left ,a wife beginning her rounds of first calls1 leaves two of her husband's cards with one of her own4 ,she repeats this when she comes to congratulate or condole1 and when she pays her final calls of the season4 ,it is wise for a wife always to carry a number of her husband's cards in her card case1 as she is often called upon to use them for such social occasions that the busy business man is loath to attend4 ,if a wife calls upon a friend who is entertaining for a friend or relative and the invitation included her husband1 she leaves three of his cards with one of her own if the hostess is a married woman1 two of his and one of hers if she is single4 ,she never leaves one of her husband's cards for an unmarried daughter4 ,she should not use the card bearing both her name and that of her husband but should use two separate cards when it is in connection with social calls4 ,etiquette does not permit a woman to leave a card for a man4 ,she may call on a man only for the purpose of business1 and then she uses her business cards1 if she has them1 instead of her social ones4 ,a married woman calling upon a single woman who is the hostess and mistress of her own home1 leaves one of her own cards and one of her husband's1 or the joint card which is engraved1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,william ,allan ,beckford4 ,in many instances it may seem more courteous to leave more than one card1 but a woman calling alone should never leave more than three4 ,it has not been many years since she was almost compelled to leave half a dozen or more but common sense intervened and this custom like most others has been simplified4 ,,some ,,more ,,points ,,about ,,calls ,,and ,,cards ,a young lady during her first year in society may leave her name on the same card with her mother's4 ,if there are two dbutante daughters1 the joint card is made to suffice for all three4 ,if a young lady using separate cards calls on a friend's day at home1 she may put two cards into the tray on entering1 if the hostess is receiving with a friend or daughter1 or she may leave only one card1 if she prefers4 ,this is done only when the call is the first of the season1 or when it is in return for some entertainment4 ,otherwise1 if the young lady is a frequent visitor to the house1 and calls on her friend's day at home1 she need not leave her card4 ,neither a matron nor a young lady may leave a card for a masculine member of the household4 ,a young lady paying a chance call on a mother and daughters1 and being told that the ladies are out1 leaves two of her cards4 ,an unmarried woman calling on her married friend leaves but one card4 ,but if this friend has a friend or relative receiving with her1 or if she has a daughter or daughters in society1 then a card is left for each of the ladies4 ,an unmarried woman1 living with a father or brother1 and acting as mistress of the household1 has cards left for her as carefully as the matron4 ,a widow must also be given scrupulous attention in the matter of cards4 ,a young lady who calls after a dance1 dinner or theater party leaves a card for the mother of the young friend upon whom she calls4 ,if a mother gives a dance or dinner in honor of her son just returned from college1 or just leaving for college1 the ladies who attend call afterward only on the hostess and leave their cards for her4 ,sometimes1 one calls upon a friend or acquaintance at a hotel or inn4 ,if the ladies are out1 the caller leaves cards marked for the persons they are intended1 in pencil4 ,otherwise they are likely to go astray1 considering the indifference and carelessness of the average servants4 ,it is also customary for both men and women1 when paying calls in strange neighborhoods1 to write on their cards their temporary address4 ,the corner that is opposite that used for the permanent address is devoted to the filling-in of this temporary address4 ,,the ,,chance ,,calls ,if a married woman calls in return for some hospitality shown her and her husband1 she leaves two of her own cards and two of his4 ,but if it is just a social call1 she leaves only her own card4 ,in this latter case1 she asks at the door to see the ladies4 ,if she is informed that they are not at home1 she gives the card to the maid and departs4 ,on the other hand1 if the ladies are at home1 the card is placed on the tray in the hall1 and the caller goes into the drawing-room to be welcomed by her friends4 ,if the maid does not know whether or not the ladies are at home1 and says she will see1 the caller gives her own card and goes into the drawing-room to wait further word from the maid4 ,should the ladies be out1 she leaves two of her husband's cards on the card tray in the hall before leaving4 ,if the ladies are at home1 she does not deposit her husband's cards in the tray until her departure4 ,very often a lady will call on a very good friend1 more for a friendly little talk and for companionship than for social duty4 ,in this case1 she is privileged to send up only one card2 and leave it behind1 whether that lady is out or in1 without any other cards4 ,,simple ,,card-,,leaving ,frequently1 cards are left when there is no intention on the part of the owner to make a call4 ,to return calls made upon one1 by persistent card-leaving1 is to indicate that one wishes to draw a friendship to a close4 ,it is accomplished merely by leaving a card1 on no particular at-home day but simply by chance1 and by making no inquiries of the servant4 ,one says to a servant1 ,please forward these cards to ,miss ,adams or1 ,these cards are for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blakelock4 ,there are several exceptions--several occasions when cards may be left without a formal call and still indicate no desire to terminate an acquaintanceship4 ,it is only persistent card-leaving that is indicative of this latter4 ,a lady in mourning1 for instance1 is privileged to leave her cards only in return for invitations she may have received4 ,it is proper for people in mourning to leave cards for all those persons who called after the burial to leave cards of condolence2 these return cards are usually black-bordered1 and they are left about one month after the funeral4 ,another custom that remains unchanged through the constant evolution of social culture1 is that of leaving cards for the bride's mother when invitations to the church ceremony only are received1 and when the bride's mother is a stranger to the person invited4 ,upon receiving the announcement of a wedding1 the proper thing to do is to leave cards for the bride's mother1 even though she is a total stranger4 ,cards must be left by each guest for the lady who has entertained a club1 charity or literary organization1 at her home4 ,they serve the same purpose as cards that are left after an entertainment or hospitality on the part of the hostess4 ,the custom of card-leaving without a call is also observed when a friend or acquaintance goes to a home that has been visited by death4 ,,should ,a ,,stranger ,,leave ,,cards8 ,the question has often been asked1 whether or not a man or woman being entertained by friends1 is obligated to leave cards when they accompany those friends on calls4 ,there are certain varying conditions that govern the answer to this question4 ,the stranger is invited to accompany the caller primarily as a matter of convenience4 ,if the person visited is not at home1 no question of card-leaving is involved--only the friend leaves cards and not the stranger4 ,but if the hostess is found at home1 and if the stranger intends to spend at least two weeks in the neighborhood1 it is necessary for him1 or her1 to leave cards4 ,it is not necessary for the stranger to leave cards when the visit in the neighborhood is to be a short one1 and the call is entirely a matter of convenience4 ,if no card is left1 the hostess will understand that no call is expected in return1 and that the stranger expects no invitations to the coming social activities in the neighborhood4 ,sometimes a man or woman accompanies a friend or relative to the home of a stranger1 for the purpose1 previously arranged1 of being introduced and paying a first call4 ,here the etiquette of card-leaving is clearly defined4 ,if the call is made on the day at home1 the caller leaves his or her cards on the hall table1 just as for any other first call4 ,but if it happens to be a chance call1 and the hostess is not at home1 the stranger leaves cards with those of a friend4 ,when two women pay a chance call together1 and one is a perfect stranger at the house visited1 no question of card etiquette arises if the hostess is not at home4 ,but if she is at home1 the stranger may pencil his or her name on the card that the friend sends up4 ,no card is left by this stranger1 unless he has been cordially entertained in the hostess' drawing-room1 served with tea1 and unless the hostess has expressed a desire of meeting him1 or her1 again4 ,in this case1 a card is left when the stranger is departing1 and a return call is expected4 ,,cards ,,and ,,business ,,calls ,the laws of social calling and card-leaving do not hold true when a business call is made4 ,a special set of rules takes care of all business calls that the woman may make4 ,the usage which governs the woman who is calling upon a man on a matter of business has already been described4 ,she does not send in her card4 ,to give her name to the attendant1 stating her business1 or to write both on a slip of paper provided for the purpose1 is sufficient4 ,if the business call is made on a woman who is a stranger to the other woman who is making the call1 it is necessary to send in one card1 inscribed with the name of the caller and a few penciled words regarding the nature of the business4 ,or the card may be sent in with a brief word to the servant regarding the purpose of the call4 ,two women who are on charity committees1 or other committees1 together1 who are social equals but who do not exchange cards and calls1 have a special card etiquette to follow when calling upon each other regarding matters of mutual interest on the committee4 ,the caller sends up one of her own personal cards with a word or two explaining the object of the call4 ,this card is left with the servant to give to the hostess if she is not at home4 ,,when ,a ,,man ,,leaves ,,cards ,all the rules of card-leaving outlined for the woman who follows the dictates of social calling1 may be applied to the well-bred young man--but with the following exceptions3 ,a man never leaves the cards of any other man1 nor does he assume any of the card-leaving duties incurred by the feminine members of his family4 ,when calling on a lady's afternoon at home1 the gentleman leaves one card for the hostess and one for the host on the card tray1 on entering the house4 ,whether the host is at home or not1 if the caller is acquainted with him1 he must leave one of his cards for him1 provided that the call is being made in return for some hospitality enjoyed4 ,if there is a young daughter in the family with whom the caller is acquainted1 a third card must be left4 ,a young man1 calling at the home of a young lady1 asks to see the ladies1 meaning the mother or chaperon as well as the particular young lady herself4 ,no well-mannered young man asks to see only one lady1 when there are several others in the house4 ,if the ladies are out1 he may leave a sufficient number of cards for all of them1 including one for the host or he may leave one card without explanation4 ,if the ladies are in1 he still leaves a card for the host on the hall table when he is departing4 ,when making his first or last call of the season1 a man may leave one card for each one of the ladies and each one of the men of the household with whom he is acquainted4 ,this holds true only when the call is made on the day at home1 or on a ,sunday afternoon or evening4 ,the man who calls on a lady's day at home1 and whose call has no reference to any social debts or obligations1 leaves only one card--and if he is an intimate friend of the house where the call is made1 he leaves no cards at all4 ,men's social calls are few4 ,business affairs require most of their time1 and the duty of card-leaving is generally given into the hands of a feminine relative--either mother1 sister or wife4 ,married men invariably entrust their formal social duties to their wives1 but single men must not take advantage of this privilege4 ,it is all very well for a mother or sister to leave the cards of a son or brother who is busy at his office on the hostesses whose hospitality they enjoyed together4 ,but when a young man is entertained by a hostess who is not on his mother's or sister's visiting list1 it is very important for him to make his return calls in person4 ,this is especially true in regard to dinner and ball hospitalities--they require immediate and cordial reciprocation in the matter of calls and card-leaving4 ,,the ,,man',s ,,chance ,,call ,unless the ladies are in the drawing-room1 ready to receive1 a man1 upon making a chance call1 sends up his card or cards to the people he wishes to see4 ,if the servant who opens the door does not know whether or not the ladies are at home1 or if she says that they are at home but not downstairs1 the caller places his cards on the tray and waits in the drawing-room for the return of the servant4 ,if the call is made after a ball1 dinner or theater party1 and the young man is calling on the young ladies of the household1 he sends up a card for each young lady1 and also one for the mother or chaperon4 ,if the call is made for the express purpose of seeing one particular young lady1 a card must be sent up for her and for her mother or chaperon4 ,two cards are also required when a man calls upon a married couple1 in whose name he has received some hospitality4 ,he sends up one card for each4 ,after having called several times at a certain house1 obviously for the purpose of seeing a young lady of the family and enjoying her society1 it is no longer necessary to include the chaperon in the ceremony of card-leaving4#b 7,see footnote47 ,one may send a card up only to the lady one wishes to see4 #b ,chaperon being to-day a practically obsolete term1 we use it here to signify the parent or guardian most directly concerned with the social welfare of the young lady4 ,,about ,,leaving ,,and ,,posting ,,cards ,when an invalid1 elderly lady or woman in deep mourning desires to repay by some courtesy1 calls made upon her or invitations received1 she may leave cards at a door instead of paying a personal call1 or sending them by post or messenger4 ,a very busy hostess may employ the same means of returning a dinner call or first call that she owes a friend or acquaintance1 especially if she is desirous of extending an invitation4 ,instead of leaving the card1 she may even1 for lack of time and opportunity1 post it with an engraved or written invitation4 ,a man or woman unable to accept an invitation1 extended by a hostess to whom he or she is a stranger1 is obligated to leave cards within two weeks after the entertainment4 ,similarly1 the guests1 men and women1 invited to the ceremony of a church wedding1 leave cards for the bride's mother within two weeks after the wedding4 ,even though one is a stranger to the mother1 this card must be left as a matter of courtesy and social obligation4 ,people who receive cards announcing a marriage are also expected to leave cards for the mother of the bride4 ,a friend of the groom who is a stranger to the bride and her family1 and who finds that he is unable to attend the ceremony to which he has been invited1 need not pay a call1 but must leave a card for the bride's mother a week or two after the wedding4 ,other occasions requiring card-leaving are those inquiries regarding the health and condition of a friend2 sympathy and good feeling in the event of some misfortune2 condolence2 congratulation2 and upon announcing a prolonged absence from1 or a rentrance into1 society4 ,a change of address is also usually made known by means of card-leaving4 ,illustration3 ,brown ,bros4 ,,decorations ,,for ,a ,,wedding ,,in ,a ,,small ,,church ,in a simple church such as the one pictured above the ribbon at the end of the pews may be omitted ,if one is invited to an afternoon or evening reception1 and finds it impossible to attend1 cards should be sent either by mail or messenger1 so that they reach the hostess on the day of her entertainment4 ,if the cards are sent by hand or by post1 they should be enclosed in a card envelope1 sealed1 and addressed to the host and hostess--provided1 of course1 that both of their names appear on the invitation4 ,if the affair is in honor of some special person a card is left for or sent to that person in addition to the one for the hostess4 ,if posted cards of regret are sent by a single woman1 she includes one for the dbutante or for the guest of honor1 in addition to the one enclosed for the hostess4 ,the married woman adds to these two1 three more of her husband's4 ,a single man1 under the same circumstances1 sends three of his cards if the reception is given in honor of a dbutante or a guest of honor 7masculine or feminine71 and if the invitation was issued in the name of a host and hostess4 ,one may send cards of inquiry1 congratulation and condolence by post or messenger1 only if one is indisposed1 invalided1 or inconveniently situated at a great distance from the persons addressed4 ,it is always better form to pay these calls in person1 and leave the cards oneself4 ,however1 the cards of inquiry1 congratulation and condolence may all be acknowledged by post or messenger1 as one desires4 ,,leaving ,,cards ,,of ,,inquiry ,on one's card1 the words ,to inquire or ,may you recover rapidly may be penciled when a call of inquiry regarding the health of a friend is made4 ,during a long illness1 calls by friends and acquaintances who have been in the habit of making social calls1 should be made at least three times a week4 ,by these calls1 you understand1 we mean mere calls of inquiry when the card is left by the door and the patient is not seen personally4 ,card-leaving for inquiry1 condolence and congratulation is invariably made in person4 ,before a funeral1 an engraved card with a word or two of regret penciled on the right side1 may be entrusted to the servant4 ,when husbands and wives call separately or together1 they leave their own individual cards4 ,in cases of this kind1 they do not leave cards for each other4 ,but when a married couple calls to offer sympathy for the loss of a daughter or son1 two of the husband's and one of the wife's cards are left4 ,only one card each is left for a widow1 as for a widower also4 ,cards left for orphaned children are meant for the oldest1 who now represents the head of the family4 ,about two weeks after a funeral1 cards are left with the mourning family1 unless a special call of condolence is made4 ,in this case1 the cards are left just as though it were a social call being made4 ,black-bordered cards are never used except by people who are themselves in mourning4 ,a matron may leave cards for her entire family1 and a sister may fulfill the duty for a busy brother4 ,it is neither complimentary nor genuinely courteous to post a card to inquire after a friend or acquaintance who is ill4 ,it should be left at the door in person1 after asking news of the invalid's condition4 ,a word of cheer or inquiry may be penciled below the caller's name1 engraved on the card4 ,calls of inquiry1 condolence and the like are made without reference to social indebtedness1 but in all other cases except among intimate friends1 the convention of alternating calls should be adhered to4 ,,acknowledging ,,calls ,,of ,,inquiry ,,and ,,condolence ,a large1 square card in plain white or with a black border1 inscribed as follows1 is ideal to send to those people who called to offer sympathy and condolence during a bereavement1 posted two weeks after the funeral3 ,mrs4 ,robert ,guy ,mannering and ,family gratefully acknowledge your kind expression of sympathy upon the death of their beloved husband and father ,robert ,guy ,mannering4 ,another acceptable form frequently used to acknowledge calls of condolence before and after a funeral1 is3 ,the family of the late ,john ,ray acknowledge with sincere appreciation your kind sympathy4 ,the name ,john ,ray may appear on the second line by itself1 or it may be part of the first line as shown above1 entirely according to taste or the prevalent popular custom4 ,the address of the bereaved family should appear towards the bottom of the card1 slightly to the left4 ,it is always better form to have it printed in italics4 ,invalids1 to express gratitude for the courtesies shown them by friends1 write or dictate notes of thanks immediately upon becoming well again4 ,often a popular hostess will receive a vast number of solicitous cards and notes of inquiry during an illness1 and it will be necessary for her in her still weakened state1 to trust to the mails to thank the friends and acquaintances who inquired for her4 ,she may send her ordinary visiting card1 with the words1 ,thank you for your kind inquiries or others to that effect1 written across it4 ,thanks should never be used instead of ,thank you4 ,its brevity carries a suggestion of discourtesy4 ,,announcement ,,cards ,at the present time1 the vogue of sending out cards announcing a death in the family1 has been almost entirely discontinued in better society4 ,instead1 an announcement is inserted in the newspapers1 giving particulars about the death and also the day of the funeral4 ,it is by far a more satisfactory method4 ,a typical newspaper announcement follows3 ,cole4--,at ,whitehouse1 ,n4,j41 on ,february #bc1 #aiba1 ,rose ,emily1 beloved wife of ,robert ,m4 ,cole1 succumbed to pneumonia4 ,services at ,chapel1 ,albany ,rural ,cemetery1 ,saturday1 ,february #bf1 at #c ,p4,m4 ,when a betrothal takes place1 announcement cards are sometimes sent out1 but it is not necessary to have specially engraved cards4 ,as a rule1 the mother of the happy young bride writes notes to intimate friends and acquaintances1 or inscribes the news on her visiting cards and posts them to those of her friends with whom both she and her daughter are most intimate4 ,weddings are usually announced by means of engraved cards4 ,the correct form for these is given elsewhere4 ,engraved cards also announce the birth of a child4 ,for this1 one may have a tiny white card engraved with the baby's name1 and attached to the mother's card with a narrow white satin ribbon4 ,it is posted to all friends and acquaintances4 ,in lieu of an address1 which appears on mother's card1 baby's card bears the date of the birth in the lower right-hand corner4 ,the joint card of the father and mother may be used to announce the birth of a child1 the full name of the infant being engraved in small letters above the names of its parents4 ,the card announcing the birth of a child is sent by mail4 ,immediately upon its receipt1 friends and acquaintances make calls to inquire after the health of mother and child1 and to leave cards for both4 ,when one is prevented from calling--and there should always be sufficient reason for not calling--one may respond to the card of announcement by posting one's own card to the mother1 with congratulations penciled above the name4 ,acknowledgment of some kind must be made promptly4 ,,when ,,traveling ,to the man or woman who travels1 those tiny bits of bristol board are important factors in keeping him or her in touch with the home social life left behind4 ,when one arrives at a strange place1 perhaps thousands of miles from a friend1 and one intends to remain there for several weeks--or months--one's visiting cards posted to all friends and acquaintances1 and bearing one's temporary address1 ties one to home in a particularly pleasing way4 ,letters follow in their wake4 ,news of social activities reach one4 ,and one begins to feel that after all1 this strange land is not so distant6 ,and so1 if you travel1 remember that as soon as you reach a place where you intend to stop for a short while1 send out visiting cards to all your friends1 relatives and acquaintances1 and let them know your temporary address4 ,it may be written in pencil or ink above the home address4 ,when you change your address permanently1 be sure that all your friends and acquaintances know of the change4 ,for this purpose1 the old visiting cards are the best to use2 they may be sent with a line drawn through the old address1 and the new written above it4 ,a man stopping at a hotel for a week or two1 and desirous of letting his friends in the vicinity know of his whereabouts1 posts his cards bearing the temporary address1 to all his masculine friends1 and calls and leaves his card upon the women he wishes to see4 ,a woman stopping at a hotel or resort1 posts her visiting cards1 with the temporary address above her home address1 to all whose attention she wishes to claim1--men and women4 ,p4,p4,c4 ,,cards ,pour prendre cong1 it means1 a ,french expression translated to read1 ,to take leave4 ,and it is used in connection with those last-day visits before one sails for ,europe1 or starts on a long trip to some distant place4 ,the ordinary visiting card is used1 with the letters ,p4,p4,c4 written in pencil or ink in one corner1 indicating the departure and so differentiating it from other cards4 ,cards so inscribed are posted to1 or left with1 all friends and acquaintances1 a day or two before setting out on the voyage4 ,no acknowledgment is necessary as they are courtesy-cards with no relation whatever to one's social debts and dues4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are always necessary before an extended departure1 but they are particularly so when one owes calls in return for hospitality1 or calls in return for first calls4 ,if there is very little time1 and a great many calls to be attended to1 it is entirely correct in this case to drive from house to house1 leaving the cards with the servant who opens the door4 ,the cards may even be posted a day before the departure1 if time is very much limited4 ,it is not usual for ,p4,p4,c4 cards to be distributed at the end of the season1 when members of society make their regular change of residence4 ,as explained under the head ,when ,traveling1 a visiting card may be sent to one's friends and acquaintances1 bearing the temporary address above the permanent home address4 ,thus the ,p4,p4,c4 card would not be especially necessary4 ,,chapter ,v ,,invitations ,,some ,,general ,,rules ,no matter how informal1 an invitation should always be acknowledged within a week of its receipt4 ,it should be a definite acknowledgment--either an acceptance or refusal--and no doubt should be left as to whether the writer intends to be present or not4 ,an invitation must always be answered in kind2 that is1 a formal invitation requires a formal reply1 following closely the wording of the invitation4 ,the informal invitation should be cordial enough to warrant a cordial and friendly reply2 both invitation and acknowledgment should be free of all stilted phrasing4 ,formal invitations for evening affairs should be addressed to husband and wife1 omitting neither one nor the other4 7,the exception to this rule is the stag or its feminine equivalent47 ,if there is only one daughter in the family1 she may be included in the invitation1 but when there are two or more daughters to be invited1 a separate invitation addressed to ,the ,misses ,brown is essential4 ,invitations sent to the masculine members of a family1 other than the husband1 are sent individually4 ,invitations sent to a husband and wife are acknowledged in the names of both4 ,if a daughter is included1 her name is also added to the acknowledgment4 ,the wife usually answers the invitation1 and although it was sent in the name of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blank1 she sends her acknowledgment to ,mrs4 ,blank alone4 ,an invitation may never be acknowledged on any kind of a visiting card1 although a visiting card may be used in an invitation4 ,for very large1 formal functions1 invitations are always engraved4 ,a young girl does not issue invitations to men in her own name1 but in that of her mother or guardian4 ,she should say in her invitations that her mother1 ,mrs4 ,blank1 desires her to extend the invitation to ,mr4 ,brown1 etc4 ,in replying to invitations1 explicit details must be given4 ,the day of week1 date and hour should be quoted1 copying from the invitation1 so that any discrepancy made in the invitation will be noted and corrected by the hostess when she receives the acknowledgment4 ,this does away with any possibility of such embarrassing blunders as calling on the wrong day or at the wrong hour4 ,only the most informal invitation should be given by telephone1 by word of mouth or orally by a messenger1 but every invitation should be either declined courteously or accepted with enthusiasm promptly4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,formal ,,dance ,the word dancing is usually placed in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation to denote the object of the evening's gathering2 thus no specific mention that the entertainment is to be a ball is necessary4 ,following are the most approved forms of invitations used for the very formal balls3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,kilgore request the pleasure of your company on ,thursday evening1 ,january the tenth at nine o'clock ,dancing ,scarsdale or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,kilgore request the pleasure of 444444444444444444444444 company1 at a costume dance to be given at their home on ,thursday1 ,january the twenty-sixth at eleven o' clock ,costume de ,rigueur #ad ,main ,street ,the words1 ,please reply1 may be added although they should be unnecessary since every person of good breeding will reply immediately to such an invitation whether he intends to accept or refuse4 ,,accepting ,,the ,,invitation ,when the invitation to a dance bears a request for a reply1 a prompt answer should be sent4 ,if the invitation itself is in the third person1 the reply should follow the same form4 ,for a formal ball1 an acceptance or regret should be mailed within forty-eight hours after receipt of the invitation4 ,here are the correct forms for the invitations above3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,harris accept with pleasure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,kilgore's kind invitation to be present for dancing on ,thursday evening1 ,january the tenth at nine o'clock #adh ,grand ,boulevard ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,harris regret exceedingly that they are unable to accept ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,kilgore's kind invitation to a costume dance to be given at their home4 ,brookline4 ,when the acknowledgment is a regret1 it is not necessary to repeat the date and hour for the obvious reason that as long as one is not going1 it makes no difference whether or not the details of time are correct4 ,,for ,,the ,,informal ,,dance ,when the dance is a small and less formal affair1 a short note is used1 though the more punctilious social usage frowns upon the employment of visiting cards for such purposes4 ,following is the correct visiting card for informal dance purposes3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harold ,champ ,at ,home ,dancing at ,ten #dcb ,maple ,street ,april the ,fifth ,the acknowledgment should be hand-written on white note paper1 and couched in a cordial1 informal manner4 ,,the ,,dinner ,,dance ,the dinner dance seems to be one of society's most favored functions4 ,for this affair it is necessary for the hostess to issue two sets of invitations2 one set to the people she wishes to entertain at dinner1 and one to those whom she wishes to invite for the dancing only4 ,the dinner invitation would be the regular engraved dinner card with the words ,dancing at ten written in the lower left-hand corner4 ,the dance invitations would be her regular at-home cards with the words ,dancing at ten written in the lower left-hand corner4 ,a very popular method of inviting people to informal dance parties--a method that has won favor among hostesses who are fond of inviting just a few young men and women in to dance and enjoy simple refreshment--is that of using the joint visiting card of herself and her husband and writing in the lower left-hand corner3 ,dancing at eleven ,april the fourth ,this may be written in in ink--and as an invitation the card may be used to take the place of the written invitation or the formal third-person note4 ,,the ,,debut ,,dance ,an ordinary dance invitation with the calling card of the dbutante included may be used for the occasion of introducing the dbut daughter to society4 ,a more strictly formal form follows3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,charles ,wendover request the pleasure of introducing their daughter ,emily ,justine to 4444444444444444444444444 on ,tuesday1 ,may the third at eight o'clock #aj ,merril ,parkway ,,invitations ,,for ,,the ,,subscription ,,dance ,following is the correct invitation to use when the subscription dance is held in the drawing-room of a hotel4 ,it should be engraved in script upon large white letter sheets3 ,the pleasure of 444444444444444444444444444 company is requested at the ,third ,reunion at the ,richelieu ,hotel on ,friday evening1 ,april the tenth from nine until one o'clock4 ,patronesses ,mrs4 ,johnson ,mrs4 ,meredith ,mrs4 ,mooers ,mrs4 ,thompson ,mrs4 ,clure ,with the invitation above1 vouchers are invariably included4 ,these vouchers are for the purpose of enabling subscribers and patronesses to extend hospitalities to their friends1 but also to bar the admittance of those people who were not invited4 ,here is the form usually used for the voucher3 ,third ,reunion ,gentlemen's ,voucher ,admit 4444444444444444444444444444 on ,friday evening1 ,april the tenth ,compliments of 4444444444444444444 ,to do away with the necessity of the voucher a card like the following is used3 ,third ,reunion 44444444444444444444444444 ,the pleasure of your company is requested on ,tuesday1 the tenth of ,june at eight o'clock ,community ,club #ah ,forest ,avenue ,please present this card at the door4 ,if the invitations are issued and distributed by a committee or board of directors1 instead of by private subscribers1 the words3 ,the ,committee of the ,third ,reunion ,hilldale ,club #bcd ,kingston ,avenue appear beneath the engraving1 in the left-hand corner4 ,the proper form is to use a letter sheet1 engraving the invitation on the outer face1 and listing on the second inner face1 the names of the men who are giving the ball4 ,however1 it is also correct to use a large bristol board card1 listing the hosts on the reverse side1 or on another similar card4 ,,acknowledging ,,subscription ,,dance ,,invitations ,an invitation to a subscription ball1 received in the name of the whole body of subscribers1 requires a prompt acknowledgment of acceptance or denial to the address given on the card4 ,but if a subscriber extends an invitation to a friend1 enclosing with the invitation his or her own card1 the answer is sent to this subscriber individually4 ,it is usually a short1 informal note1 something like the following1 and it may be addressed to the entire ,committee or merely to its ,chairman3 #ai ,west ,street1 ,april #ah1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,blake3 ,it is with great pleasure that ,i accept your invitation to attend the ,third ,reunion of the ,hilldale ,club1 on ,friday1 the tenth of ,april4 ,sincerely yours1 ,helen ,r4 ,haddock4 ,,invitation ,,to ,,public ,,ball ,public balls that require purchased tickets have a very distinct kind of invitation4 ,the following invitation should be printed or engraved on very large letter sheets or cards1 giving1 either on the second inner sheet or on the reverse of the card1 the names of the patronesses4 ,the pleasure of your company is requested at the ,annual ,masquerade ,ball ,to be given at the ,taft ,hotel ,thursday ,evening ,january the fifth1 at ten o'clock ,cards of admission1 ,three ,dollars ,on sale at the ,taft ,hotel and homes of the ,patronesses ,,requesting ,,an ,,invitation ,when one is invited to an entertainment and finds it impossible to attend without a visiting guest or relative1 an invitation may be requested4 ,but a great deal of tact and good judgment must be exerted4 ,a note of request follows1 but in writing notes for your own particular instances1 you must remember that each note has to be adapted to the occasion in hand4 #bg ,claremont ,terrace1 ,may #h1 #aib--4 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,jolson3 ,elsie ,millerton1 whose brother you remember was at ,hot ,springs last year when we were1 is spending a few days with me4 ,i wonder if ,i may bring her to your dance next ,thursday8 ,sincerely yours1 ,mary ,b4 ,hall4 ,it is rarely necessary to refuse such a request as this2 but if the ballroom is already too crowded and if the hostess has received a number of similar petitions she may with propriety send a brief note of refusal with a courteous word or two of explanation4 ,,the ,,dinner ,,invitation ,a dinner invitation is the highest form of courtesy4 ,that is why it requires prompt and very courteous acknowledgment4 ,ordinarily dinner invitations are issued ten days ahead1 unless it is a very large formal affair1 when two full weeks are allowed4 ,it is not good form to send an invitation just about a day or two before the day set for the dinner-party1 for then the guest will be perfectly correct in feeling that the invitation was issued to her 7or him7 only because some other guest was unable to attend4 ,if there are only three or four guests informal notes are usually sent1 however elaborate the dinner itself is to be4 ,such an invitation should occupy only the first page of a sheet of note paper4 ,dinner invitations may either be written on ordinary sheets of white stationery1 or engraved on cards4 ,if the latter is decided upon1 it must be large1 pure white1 and of rather heavy bristol board4 ,the hostess who gives many large and elaborate dinners may have cards like the following printed1 leaving spaces for the insertion of the name of the person invited1 the day1 hour and date3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jeremiah ,knight request the pleasure of 4444444444444444444 company at dinner on 4444444444444444 evening at 4444444444444444 o'clock #ee ,court ,street ,the words ,to meet ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,staple may be written in ink at the bottom of the engraved card1 when the dinner is in honor of a special guest4 ,or small cards may be printed and enclosed with the invitations4 ,,in ,,honor ,,of ,,celebrated ,,guests ,often1 to introduce someone of distinguished position to the hostess' acquaintances and friends1 a large and elaborate dinner is given4 ,the cards should be engraved in a fine script or block letter1 in the following wording3 ,to meet ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,mc,allister ,van ,doren ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,king request the pleasure of 44444444444444444444444 company at dinner on ,thursday1 ,january the sixth at eight o'clock #dee ,north ,avenue4 ,,the ,,acknowledgments ,for the formal invitation1 written in the third person1 a similar acknowledgment must be sent within twenty-four hours4 ,following are an acceptance and a regret that may serve as suggestions for the dinner invitations that you will accept and refuse in the future3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,herbert ,thorne accept with pleasure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jeremiah ,knight's kind invitation to dinner on ,friday1 ,august the fifth at eight o'clock #fd ,west ,drive ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,herbert ,thorne regret that a previous engagement prevents their accepting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jeremiah ,knight's kind invitation to dinner on ,friday1 ,august the fifth #fd ,west ,drive ,it is not necessary to give complete details regarding time and hour1 in the second acknowledgment--which is a regret4 ,inasmuch as one does not expect to attend1 it is unnecessary to pay great attention to details that are important only for those who expect to be guests4 ,in writing regrets1 it is always more courteous to give the reason for being unable to accept1 but it is not important to do so unless one really wishes to4 ,,for ,,the ,,informal ,,dinner ,the informal dinner invitation is invariably sent by the wife for her husband and herself1 to the wife1 including the latter's husband4 ,the invitation takes the form of a short1 friendly little social note1 and is answered as such4 ,for instance1 here is an invitation to an informal dinner1 and the acknowledgment3 #cef ,cosgrove ,avenue1 ,november #a1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,harris3 ,will you and ,mr4 ,harris give us the pleasure of having you with us at a small dinner on ,thursday1 ,november the eighth1 at seven o'clock8 ,hoping that you will be disengaged that evening1 ,i am ,yours very sincerely1 ,margaret ,b4 ,leanders4 ,you will notice that in signing herself1 the wife uses her ,christian and married name1 and the initial of her maiden name4 ,she may spell her maiden name out1 if she wishes1 but the form given above is the most usual4 ,here is the correct acknowledgment to the invitation above3 #fed ,milton ,street1 ,november #e1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,leanders3 ,mr4 ,harris and ,i will be delighted to dine with you and ,mr4 ,leanders on ,thursday1 ,november the eighth1 at seven o'clock4 ,with kindest regards1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,mildred ,travers ,harris4 ,,when ,,the ,,dinner ,,is ,,not ,,at ,,home ,it happens quite frequently that a hostess gives a dinner for her friends outside of her own home4 ,in this case1 the fact must be fully noted on the invitation4 ,for instance3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,walter ,bruhn request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,perry ,blascon's company at dinner at ,shanley's on ,wednesday1 ,march the sixth at eight o'clock #da ,tompkins ,place ,the acceptance and regret would be exactly the same as the forms given previously1 except that the words ,at ,shanley's would necessarily have to appear4 ,,the ,,daughter ,,as ,,hostess ,it is necessary for the daughter1 who is hostess in her father's house1 to include his name in every dinner invitation she issues4 ,following is a model informal invitation to dinner1 issued by a young daughter-hostess3 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,curtis3 ,father has asked me to extend an invitation to you and ,mr4 ,curtis to dine with us on ,tuesday1 ,april the fifth1 at half-past seven o'clock4 ,we are looking forward to your coming with a great deal of pleasure4 ,cordially yours1 ,rose ,meredith4 ,in acknowledging this invitation1 whether it be acceptance or regret1 the answer must go to the daughter1 not the father4 ,it is discourteous and rude to receive a letter or an invitation from one person1 and acknowledge it to another4 ,,postponing ,,or ,,canceling ,a ,,dinner ,when it happens 7and it often does67 that something unforeseen and unexpected happens to prevent one from giving the dinner for which engraved cards have been issued1 the hostess must immediately dispatch1 either through messenger or special delivery1 short written notes canceling the engagement4 ,the third-person formula may be used1 but there must be a certain warmth in the note to avoid any semblance of indifference4 ,and it is a mark of fine courtesy to offer the reason why the dinner has to be postponed4 ,here are two forms that may be used3 ,because of the severe illness of their son ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,smith beg to cancel their dinner1 arranged for ,tuesday1 ,may the fifth or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,smith regret that the damages done to their home by a recent fire make it necessary for them to postpone the dinner arranged for ,may the fifth until ,may the thirtieth4 ,,inviting ,a ,,stop-,,gap ,when a vacancy occurs in a dinner party at the last moment1 one may call upon a friend to fill the place as a special courtesy4 ,this is an instance when tact and discretion are important1 for not everyone is broad-minded and sensible1 and some people may take offense at being asked to take the place that someone else relinquished4 ,a short cordial note should be written1 explaining the situation1 and frankly asking the friend to come in the place of the invited guest who cannot be present4 ,here1 for instance1 is a typical note for just such a purpose3 #da ,hemingway ,place1 ,march #ad1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mr4 ,cook3 ,i am going to ask a very special favor of you1 and ,i know that you will be good enough to comply--if no other engagement stands in the way4 ,ralph ,townshend1 who was to have been present at a little dinner party that ,i am giving to-morrow evening1 has just written that he has been called out of town on business4 ,won't you be good enough to take his place and give me more reason than ever for subscribing myself ,gratefully yours1 ,janet ,b4 ,raines4 ,in answering this letter1 ,mr4 ,cook must either accept or decline definitely4 ,to be courteous1 he must give a reason for declining4 ,to write merely and say that one cannot serve as a stop-gap is both impolite and inconsiderate4 ,either a good reason or an acceptance must be given4 ,here is the way the acceptance may be worded3 #adfe ,emmet ,road1 ,march #af1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,raines3 ,i'm rather glad that ,ralph was called out of town1 since it gives me an opportunity to be present at another of your delightful dinners4 ,thank you very much for the invitation4 ,yours very sincerely1 ,ralph ,b4 ,cook4 ,,to ,,break ,a ,,dinner ,,engagement ,there is no reason to feel embarrassed and unhappy because some unexpected happening prevents you from keeping a dinner engagement4 ,a cordial note1 containing a genuine and worth-while excuse for the cancellation of the engagement may be sent by messenger1 or if there is time1 by special delivery post1 to the hostess4 ,here is an example of the kind of note that may be written to break a dinner engagement3 #aef ,south ,bend1 ,march #ah1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,christy3 ,mr4 ,cross has been called to ,chicago on account of the illness of his mother4 ,we are very anxious about her1 and ,i am sure you will understand why it is impossible for either of us to attend your dinner party next ,friday4 ,with many regrets1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,florence ,bartlett ,pitkin4 ,,invitations ,,for ,,luncheons ,although considerably less formal than dinner invitations1 those of the luncheon follow them in wording4 ,they are issued about ten days before the day set for the luncheon1 if it is to be an elaborate1 formal affair1 and only in the name of the hostess1 unless men are invited and the hostess' husband intends to be present4 ,they are engraved on large square white cards1 with the name of the person invited1 the day and hour1 written in by the hostess' own hand4 ,the correct form follows1 but it must be remembered that this form can be used only when the luncheon is an elaborate1 formal occasion3 ,mrs4 ,john ,roy-,thorndyke ,blake requests the pleasure of 44444444444444444444444 company at luncheon on 44444444444444444444 at 44444444444444444 o'clock #aa ,park ,row ,very often a hostess invites friends and acquaintances to a luncheon for the purpose of presenting to them a certain visiting guest1 and perhaps to attend1 after the luncheon1 a matine planned for the purpose of enabling the newcomer to become better acquainted with the hostess' friends4 ,in this case1 an invitation like the one following should be used3 ,to meet ,miss ,helen ,rhodes ,mrs4 ,robert ,blake requests the pleasure of ,miss ,joyce's company at luncheon on ,tuesday1 ,april the eleventh at one o'clock and afterward to the matine #afg ,grand ,concourse ,the name of the play and the theater may be included in the wording of the invitation4 ,breakfast invitations are rarely issued1 for the very good reason that formal breakfasts are very rarely given4 ,but when they are1 the wording of the invitation is identical with the wording given above for the luncheon invitations1 substituting in each case the word breakfast for luncheon4 ,acknowledgments are also the same as those used for the luncheon4 ,,acknowledging ,,the ,,luncheon ,,invitation ,a prompt acceptance or regret must be sent upon receipt of an invitation to luncheon4 ,the following two forms are correct for use with the two invitations given above4 ,mrs4 ,frank ,parsons accepts with pleasure ,mrs4 ,john ,clancy ,blake's kind invitation to luncheon on ,friday1 ,october the fourteenth at one o'clock #adf ,park ,place ,miss ,jean ,joyce accepts with pleasure ,mrs4 ,blake's kind invitation for luncheon on ,tuesday1 ,april the eleventh at one o'clock to meet ,miss ,rhodes and to go afterward to the matine #dh ,fremont ,avenue ,,the ,,informal ,,invitation ,for the informal luncheon1 a brief note of invitation is sent from five to seven days ahead4 ,in making the note brief1 one must be careful not to sacrifice cordiality4 ,we give here two notes of invitation1 one for luncheon and one for breakfast2 and also their respective acknowledgments3 #hf ,washington ,terrace1 ,april #ad1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,blank3 ,will you come to luncheon on ,wednesday ,april the twentieth1 at half-past one o'clock8 ,mrs4 ,frank ,richards will be here1 and ,i know you will be glad to meet her4 ,cordially yours1 ,helen ,r4 ,roberts4 #fd ,main ,street1 ,april #af1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,roberts3 ,i will be very glad to come to luncheon on ,wednesday1 ,april the twentieth1 at half-past one o'clock4 ,it was very kind of you to remember that ,i have been wanting to meet ,mrs4 ,richards for a long time4 ,yours very sincerely1 ,justine ,blank4 #dcg ,fairview ,terrace1 ,may #e1 #ai-- ,dear ,mrs4 ,miller3 ,i expect a few friends to join me at an informal breakfast at half-past eleven o'clock on ,tuesday1 the tenth4 ,won't you be one of them8 ,sincerely yours1 ,maybelle ,curtis4 #hbb ,jennings ,street1 ,may #g1 #ai-- ,dear ,mrs4 ,curtis3 ,thank you very much for asking me1 but ,i regret that ,i will not be able to join you at breakfast on ,tuesday4 ,i have two young nieces stopping with me1 and ,i promised to devote that morning to showing them the places of interest in town4 ,they are planning so eagerly for the trip1 and they are leaving here in such a short time1 that ,i feel that ,i must not disappoint them4 ,with most sincere regrets1 ,i am ,cordially yours1 ,mary ,k4 ,miller4 ,there is still another approved form for inviting guests to luncheon or breakfast4 ,when the occasion is neither too strictly formal nor too informal1 the hostess may merely write1 beneath the engraved name on her ordinary calling card1 the words1 ,luncheon at one-thirty o'clock ,march fourth4 ,this is sent about five days before the chosen day4 ,the acknowledgment must be by informal note1 never by a calling card4 ,and this holds true of all other invitations2 when the personally inscribed calling card is used1 a first-person note of acceptance or regret must be promptly written4 ,the use of cards in this way is looked upon with disfavor among people who are most careful of the amenities of polite society4 ,,reception ,,invitation ,the word reception may mean several social functions which may or may not be extremely ceremonious4 ,there is the afternoon tea1 for instance1 an informal little affair to which one invites one's best friends and most interesting acquaintances4 ,the invitation may be either written by the hostess or engraved4 ,the at-home day is also called a reception1 as is the more elaborate occasion when a special guest is introduced to the hostess' friends4 ,there was a time when it was considered extremely bad form for a host's name to appear on the invitation1 but to-day the reception invitation often takes the form of the following3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harold ,blaine ,at ,home ,tuesday afternoon1 ,may fifth from four until half-past seven o'clock ,twelve1 ,park ,terrace ,the above invitation should be engraved in fine script on a large white card of bristol board1 and it should be mailed at least ten days in advance of the day set for the entertainment4 ,an acknowledgment is not expected2 if the invitation is accepted1 the presence of the guest on the day of the reception is sufficient4 ,if one is unable to be present1 one's visiting card is sent to arrive on the exact day of the reception--unless an answer is explicitly required on the invitation4 ,not to be present at the reception1 and not to send one's visiting card1 is to indicate either that one is ignorant of the correct social laws1 or that one desires to discontinue friendship with the hostess4 ,when a mother and her daughter are to receive the guests at a reception together1 the card is in this form3 ,mrs4 ,william ,b4 ,harris ,the ,misses ,harris ,at ,home ,friday ,afternoon1 ,october fifth from four until seven o'clock ,thirty-two ,amsterdam ,avenue ,if the reception is for the purpose of introducing a young dbutante daughter1 the hostess would issue cards similar to the one above1 except that the dbutante's name would appear immediately below her own4 ,it would be merely ,miss ,harris with no ,christian name or initial4 ,if a second daughter is introduced to her mother's friends by means of an afternoon tea1 the cards are also like the one above1 except that the name of the second daughter is inscribed in full beneath that of the hostess4 ,thus invited guests would know that ,miss ,harris is the elder and introduced to society first1 and ,miss ,merian ,harris is the second daughter to be introduced to society4 ,,reception ,,in ,,honor ,,of ,a ,,special ,,guest ,when the purpose of the reception is to honor a special guest the fact should be indicated on the invitations4 ,if the invitation is written on a card1 the words1 ,to meet ,governor and ,mrs4 ,frank ,curtis should appear4 ,the proper form for the engraved invitation follows3 ,to meet ,governor and ,mrs4 ,frank ,curtis ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,melvin request the pleasure of your company on ,thursday afternoon1 ,june fifth from four until seven o'clock ,eighteen1 ,washington ,garden ,heights ,no acknowledgment other than one's presence on the day of the reception is necessary to this invitation4 ,however1 if one is unable to attend1 the visiting card should be mailed so that it arrives on the precise day of the entertainment1 or if an unexpected happening prevents one from attending1 a messenger may be dispatched with a card in an envelope1 forwarding it to the hostess while the reception is in progress4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,garden ,,parties ,when the garden party is very formal1 the invitations are engraved in black script or block lettering1 on white note sheets or large white cards4 ,the invitation is usually issued in the name of the hostess alone1 and the most fashionable stationers are to-day printing cards that leave a blank space for the name of the person to be invited to be written in by the hostess4 ,for instance3 ,mrs4 ,maurice ,bronson requests the pleasure of 444444444444444444444444 company on ,friday afternoon ,may tenth from four until seven o'clock ,garden ,party ,holyoke1 ,west ,lake ,in society1 the formal garden party holds the place of an at-home held out of doors4 ,thus the following invitation is considered the best form1 better even than the form shown above1 although either may be used in good taste3 ,mrs4 ,maurice ,bronson ,at ,home ,friday afternoon1 ,may tenth from four until seven o'clock ,garden ,party ,holyoke1 ,west ,lake ,when the garden party is a small informal affair1 the at-home card may be used with the words1 ,garden ,party1 ,friday1 ,may the tenth1 from four to seven o'clock1 written by the hostess in the lower left-hand corner4 ,this method is usually for personal friends only1 and it is considered bad form when the garden party is elaborate and formal4 ,if the guest invited lives in another town1 or must come from the city to the country1 a small card bearing the necessary train and schedule information should be enclosed with the invitation1 similar to the card explained in the chapter on wedding invitations4 ,or the information may be lettered neatly at the bottom of the invitation itself4 ,the form is usually3 ,train leaves ,pennsylvania ,station at #c o'clock ,train leaves ,holyoke ,station at #f4bj and #g4aj o'clock ,still another course is open to the hostess who wishes to give a small garden party1 yet not undergo the expense and trouble of specially engraved invitations4 ,she may write brief1 friendly notes1 in the first person1 somewhat in the following form1 and send them by post to her friends and acquaintances3 ,holyoke1 ,may #a1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,keene3 ,i have asked a few of my friends to have tea with me1 informally1 on the lawn1 ,friday afternoon1 ,may the tenth1 at four o'clock4 ,may ,i expect you also8 ,perhaps there will be a few sets of tennis4 ,there is a racquet waiting for you4 ,cordially yours1 ,rose ,m4 ,roberts4 ,,acknowledging ,,the ,,garden ,,party ,,invitation ,whether the garden party invitation bears a request for a reply or not1 the courteous thing to do is send an acceptance or regret at once4 ,this is especially true when the invitation is engraved1 for then one may assume that the affair is to be a large and elaborate one4 ,the reply to an engraved invitation follows3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,raymond ,bruce accept with pleasure ,mrs4 ,bronson's kind invitation for ,may tenth ,haywood ,park1 ,may second1 #ai-- or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,raymond ,bruce regret that a previous engagement prevents their acceptance of ,mrs4 ,bronson's kind invitation for ,may tenth ,haywood ,park1 ,may second1 #ai-- ,in reply to a visiting card inscribed with the day and date of the garden party1 a brief1 polite note of acceptance or regret should be written4 ,a similar note should be promptly written upon receipt of the informal written note of invitation4 ,glendale1 ,may #b1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,bronson3 ,mr4 ,harris and ,i are looking forward with great pleasure in joining you on ,may tenth4 ,we hope the weather will continue to be as delightful as it is now4 ,cordially yours1 ,janet ,b4 ,winslow4 ,,house ,,or ,,week-,,end ,,parties ,the invitation for a house or week-end party differs from any other invitation4 ,by the week-end party we mean a visit from ,friday or ,saturday until ,monday4 ,thus the invited guest knows that he is expected to arrive ,friday afternoon 7or ,saturday morning7 and leave ,monday morning4 ,on the other hand1 the house party may mean a visit of ten days or two weeks' duration1 or even longer4 ,it is necessary1 therefore1 for the hostess to mention specifically the date deciding the length of the visit4 ,it is also courteous for her to mention the sports that will be indulged in and any special events planned1 etc41 and to send the necessary time-tables1 indicating the best and most convenient trains4 ,whether for house party or week-end party1 the invitation is always a well-worded1 cordial note offering the hospitalities of one's roof for the length of time indicated4 ,we will give here one letter of invitation and its acknowledgment1 which can be1 perhaps1 adapted to your own purposes4 ,pine ,rock1 ,june #ad1 #ai-- ,dear ,miss ,janis3 ,we have planned a house party as a sort of farewell before our trip to ,europe1 and we are particularly anxious to have you join us4 ,i hope there is nothing to prevent you from coming out to ,pine ,rock on ,june twenty-third and remaining here with us until the eighth of ,july4 ,i hope to have many of your own friends with us1 including ,jean and ,marie ,cordine1 who are also planning to sail towards the end of ,july4 ,mr4 ,frank ,parsons and ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,robert ,kingsley may be here1 too1 along with several others whom you do not know1 but whom ,i am most anxious to have you meet4 ,i am enclosing a time-table for your convenience1 and ,i have checked the two trains that ,i believe are most convenient for you4 ,if you take the #c4eh on ,tuesday you will arrive here at #g4aj1 and you will be able to meet the guests at dinner at eight-thirty4 ,there is an earlier train in the morning if you prefer it4 ,if you let me know which train you expect to take1 ,i will see that there is a car at the station to meet you4 ,very cordially yours1 ,alice ,m4 ,bevans4 ,westville1 ,june #af1 #ai-- ,dear ,mrs4 ,bevans3 ,it was very good of you and ,mr4 ,bevans to ask me to your house party and ,i shall be delighted to come4 ,i shall arrive on the #c4eh train1 as you suggest4 ,it was so thoughtful of you to inclose the time-table4 ,very sincerely yours1 ,helen ,r4 ,janis4 ,if the letter were one of regret1 it would be necessary for ,miss ,janis to write definitely just what was making it impossible for her to accept the invitation4 ,it would not be correct form to write vaguely1 saying that you hope you will be able to come1 or that if you are in town you will come4 ,no doubt must be left in the hostess' mind as to whether or not you will be present4 ,,the ,,bread-,,and-,,butter ,,letter ,from constant usage1 the term bread-and-butter letter has become custom4 ,now1 upon return from a week-end or house party1 it is considered necessary and1 indeed1 it would be a gross neglect to fail in so obvious a duty1 to write a cordial note to the hostess1 expressing appreciation of the hospitality received1 and informing her of your safe arrival4 ,the letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases1 or it may be only a brief note such as the following3 ,terrace ,revain1 ,june #bc1 #ai-- ,dear ,mrs4 ,bevans3 ,this is to tell you again how very much ,i enjoyed the week-end at ,pine ,rock4 ,we got into the city at five and ,morgan brought me out home in a taxi4 ,mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so ,i found everyone busy1 for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it4 ,tell ,mr4 ,bevans that ,i am arranging for three or four tennis games next week1 so that when ,i come again1 if ,i don't win1 ,i shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully4 ,let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip4 ,perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere4 ,very sincerely yours1 ,helen ,r4 ,janis4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,the ,,theater ,,and ,,opera ,the host or hostess planning a theater or opera party should strive to have an equal number of men and women guests4 ,for this reason1 the person who receives an invitation should make prompt reply1 so that if he or she is unable to attend1 someone else can be asked to take the place4 ,it is not necessary to have invitations engraved for these occasions2 in fact1 a brief note1 written with just the correct degree of formality1 yet with no sacrifice of cordiality1 is much to be preferred4 ,the following form is correct for theater or opera1 changed to accord with the names1 dates1 and circumstances of the particular party3 #bb ,south ,street1 ,october #ac1 #ai-- ,my dear ,miss ,johnson3 ,mr4 ,roberts and ,i have planned to have a small group of friends hear ,faust at the ,central ,opera ,house1 and we are hoping that you will be one of us4 ,the time is ,friday evening1 the seventeenth of ,october4 ,i have been fortunate enough to obtain a box in the parquet1 where the eight of us who will comprise the party will be comfortably seated4 ,if you are free to join us on that evening1 ,mr4 ,roberts and ,i will stop for you in the car at half past seven4 ,cordially yours1 ,evelyn ,t4 ,roberts4 ,the acknowledgment must be made promptly4 ,the host and hostess must not be kept waiting for a definite reply4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,musicales ,,and ,,private ,,theatricals ,a ceremonious drawing-room concert requires engraved invitations1 issued at least two weeks in advance of the date decided upon4 ,the two approved forms follow3 ,mrs4 ,john ,m4 ,cook ,at ,home ,tuesday evening1 ,october first at nine o'clock ,ten1 ,farnhut ,terrace ,music or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,m4 ,cook request the pleasure of 44444444444444444444444's company at a musicale on ,tuesday evening the first of ,october at nine o'clock ,ten1 ,farnhut ,terrace ,it is also permissible for the hostess to write in the lower left-hand corner of her visiting-card the following words1 when she wishes to invite friends to hear a famous soloist or orchestra3 ,tuesday1 ,october first1 half past three o'clock1 to hear ,mischa ,elman4 ,these cards are then posted to friends and acquaintances1 and the recipient either accepts by attending1 or sends his or her cards to the hostess' house while the entertainment is in progress1 or shortly beforehand4 ,for private theatricals1 invitations follow very much the same form as those used for musicales4 ,the hostess may either add the phrase1 ,theatricals at nine o'clock1 to her invitation1 or she may issue engraved cards requesting the pleasure of a friend's company at ,private ,theatricals4 ,the word dancing may be engraved in the left-hand corner of the card1 if dancing is to follow the theatricals4 ,it is courteous to send a reply to these invitations4 ,,children',s ,,party ,,invitations ,the invitation to the child's party is the one exception to the rule of simplicity4 ,children love color and decoration1 and so etiquette very graciously permits them to have cards and invitations that boast colorful designs4 ,for instance1 in a well-known stationer's shop in ,new ,york1 there are little sheets of pink note paper1 in the upper corner of which is a little girl courtesying and smiling4 ,beneath the picture the words ,won't you please come to my party8 are printed in fine italics4 ,it makes most attractive stationery for the youngsters4 ,on stationery like that described above1 mother might write in the following strain1 providing the little host 7or hostess7 is not old enough to do the writing himself3 #af ,blake ,hall1 ,june #ad1 #ai-- ,my dear ,mrs4 ,blank3 ,harold will be seven years old on ,thursday1 the eighteenth of ,june4 ,we are planning to give a little party for his friends on the ,sunday following1 ,june the twenty-first4 ,i know he will not be happy unless little ,marian is present4 ,i do hope you will let her come4 ,if the nurse brings ,marian here at three o'clock1 she will be in time for the opening game1 and ,i will see that she arrives home safely at about half past six4 ,cordially yours1 ,helen ,m4 ,roberts4 ,a friendly note of acceptance or regret should be written promptly upon receipt of the above1 and if the child is unable to attend1 the reason should be given4 ,very often1 a young host or hostess has a very large and formal party1 in which case the invitations must be quite as dignified and formally correct as mother's4 ,for instance1 the youngsters who entertain their friends at a small afternoon dance word their invitations in the following manner3 ,miss ,jean and ,master ,walter ,curran would like to have the pleasure of ,miss ,helen ,thompson's company at a dance at #c o'clock ,thursday afternoon1 ,november third ,clover ,hall ,a young boy or girl just old enough to write his or her own invitations1 may find some useful suggestions in the following model for a birthday party3 ,hanover ,court1 ,october #f1 #ai-- ,dear ,elizabeth3 ,i am going to have a birthday party on ,saturday afternoon1 the thirteenth of ,october1 at #c o'clock4 ,all of our friends from dancing school and a good many of ,jack's friends from his school will be here4 ,we are planning a donkey game1 and ,i am sure we will all have a great deal of fun4 ,won't you come1 too8 ,i shall be very disappointed if you cannot4 ,sincerely yours1 ,helen ,camden4 ,it is always wise1 however1 for the children to make some sort of acknowledgment of the formal engraved invitation1 for it impresses upon them the importance of their social duties4 ,,invitations ,,to ,a ,,christening ,it is not usual for many guests to be invited to the christening of a child4 ,but when it is made an occasion of formal entertainment1 it is necessary to have engraved cards prepared and issued to friends and relatives4 ,here is the correct form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,b4 ,meredith request the pleasure of your company at the christening of their son on ,tuesday1 ,april second at three-thirty o'clock ,ten1 ,jerome ,avenue ,the letter requesting a relative or friend to serve as godfather or godmother must be tactful and well-worded4 ,it is usually very intimate1 for no one with fine sensibility will ask any except a dear friend to act as godmother or godfather4 ,such a request is much better given in person than by letter1 whenever it is possible4 ,and it requires an answer in kind4 ,we give here one brief letter of request1 and another of acknowledgment1 to serve as suggestions3 #cd ,kinston ,road1 ,march #e1 #ai-- ,dear ,mr4 ,burke3 ,jack and ,i have both agreed that we would rather have you serve as godfather for ,john ,paxton1 ,jr41 than anyone else4 ,we hope that you will not refuse4 ,the baptism has already been arranged for four o'clock1 next ,sunday1 at ,st4 ,peter's ,church4 ,we hope you will be present at the church1 and later at a small reception here in our drawing-room4 ,with kindest regards from us both1 ,i am ,cordially yours1 ,amelia ,b4 ,johnson4 #ah ,woodlawn ,hills1 ,march #g1 #ai-- ,dear ,mrs4 ,johnson3 ,it will give me great pleasure to be godfather for your son4 ,truly1 ,i count it no small honor1 and no slight responsibility4 ,i am very eager to see young ,john ,paxton1 and shall be present both at the christening and at the reception4 ,with every good wish for him and for his father and mother1 ,i am ,sincerely yours1 ,william ,a4 ,burke4 ,a ,,word ,,of ,,special ,,caution ,in answering an invitation never say will accept4 ,the act of writing the answer involves either the acceptance or the regret1 as the case may be1 and the present tense should be used4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,,correspondence ,,to-,,day ,,and ,,yesterday ,it is customary nowadays to deplore the fact that the art of letter-writing has fallen into decay1 and when we read that the entire correspondence of an engaged couple recently was carried on for two years by telephone and telegraph we are inclined to believe it4 ,yet such is not the case4 ,it is true that we no longer have--and for this we should be truly grateful--flowery expressions of rhetorical feeling interlarded with poetic sentiments selected from a ,home ,book of ,verse1 or some similar compilation1 but we do have letters which are genuine and wholesome expressions of friendship4 ,it is a gift to be able to write lovely notes of congratulation1 sympathy and appreciation1 and one that has to be cultivated4 ,writing of all kinds grows perfect with practice and the large majority of people have to serve a long apprenticeship before they have mastered the gentle art of expressing themselves on paper4 ,it is an art worth mastering even if one never has to write anything but polite social notes and letters4 ,,the ,,letter ,,you ,,write ,from ,buckingham we have the following little rhyme that does full justice to the important art of letter-writing3 ,of all those arts in which the wise excel1 ,nature's chief masterpiece is writing well4 ,a letter1 business or social1 is simply talk upon paper4 ,and as a wise philosopher once said1 ,never put on paper what you would not care to see printed in the newspaper for all to read4 ,as in everything else connected with the social world1 ease is absolutely essential to the correct letter4 ,the style must not be cramped1 stilted1 forced4 ,a free and easy flow of language1 simple and understandable1 and with just that acceptable degree of cordiality and heartiness that makes one enjoy reading1 is essential in all correspondence4 ,and yet1 letters should be written personally--that is1 they should represent the sender4 ,be sure1 first1 that you know exactly what you want to say1 and how you want to say it4 ,then put it down on paper as though you were speaking2 make no pretense at being so very highly educated that you must use flowery language and poetical phrases4 ,simplicity in form and wording is the most effective and graceful method4 ,it is a greater mark of learning and intelligence to write a simple1 ably expressed1 cordial letter1 than to write one that shows an obvious effort to cover1 by extravagant expressions and highly figurative language1 the reserve and dignity that are the foundation of all good-breeding4 ,in the following pages it is possible for us only to give the prescribed principles of correct form1 suggesting the forms and expressions to be avoided4 ,but the true art of letter-writing rests with you--and your own personality4 ,we would suggest that you read carefully each letter you receive1 noting and remembering those expressions that most appeal to you4 ,a good appeal is generally universal2 what appeals to you in a letter you receive will appeal to others4 ,thus you will find that personal experience in this matter will help you much more than any book that gives you only the foundation of form and style4 ,,the ,,business ,,letter ,it is interesting to find in the midst of the lament that in the twentieth century people have ceased to find time to write letters or to be courteous that the ,postmaster ,general has rescinded previous orders which directed that departmental correspondence should not begin with the ceremonial form of ,my dear ,sir1 and that the complimentary close1 ,yours sincerely1 etc41 should not be used4 ,his order is worth quoting3 ,in no part of our work does the demand for the human quality apply more than in the matter of writing letters4 ,by far the largest contact of this department with the public is by means of the letters which are written4 ,letters can be cold1 stereotyped1 following the same routine day by day1 appearing more or less machine made1 and the impression which the recipient has upon reading the letter is that the suggestion1 complaint1 petition or application made has been given scant consideration4 ,i want every letter that goes out from this department or any of the ,post ,offices or other field offices to convince the reader of the fact1 for it must be a fact1 that whatever he has written has been received sympathetically and that an effort has been made to give the writer the benefit of every possible service which the department affords4 ,to this end ,i think the writers should endeavor to make their letters more informal than is now the case generally2 that they should1 wherever the exigencies of the case do not require otherwise1 be as explicit as possible1 and that reasons for the position taken by the department should be given4 ,above all1 ,i do not want the letters to be stereotyped4 ,a business letter is written with a purpose4 ,it is a good letter when it accomplishes that purpose briefly1 thoroughly1 and courteously4 ,women especially should be careful not to be discursive4 ,business men have not time to puzzle over bad handwriting or ambiguous sentences4 ,whenever it can be done conveniently the business letter should be written on the typewriter4 ,tinted stationery is never appropriate1 and ruled stationery should never be used either for business or social correspondence4 ,the correct form for the salutation of a business letter includes the name and address of the person or firm to whom the letter is written as well as the ceremonial form of salutation4 ,thus3 ,bradford and ,munro1 #ecd ,fifth ,avenue1 ,new ,york ,city1 ,n4,y4 ,gentlemen3 7or ,dear ,sirs or ,my dear ,sirs7 ,mrs4 ,h4 ,k4 ,weatherly1 ,secretary of the ,citizens' ,league1 ,smithville1 ,arkansas4 ,dear ,mrs4 ,weatherly3 7or ,dear ,madam or ,my dear ,madam7 ,except when it is the first word of the salutation1 dear should not begin with a capital letter4 ,the address in the salutation should be repeated exactly on the envelope and particular care should be taken to make it legible4 ,the stamp should always be placed in the upper right-hand corner4 ,it is bad form to put it on obliquely or upside down or to place it in the left-hand corner or on the back flap of the envelope4 ,it is a silly practice to do so and causes the postal clerks a great deal of trouble4 ,,function ,,of ,,the ,,social ,,letter ,there are1 necessarily1 several kinds of letters1 the three most important divisions of which are the friendly letter1 the business letter1 and the social letter4 ,in its strictest sense1 the social letter is written for a distinct social purpose--usually about1 or in response to1 some purely social circumstance4 ,the difference between a friendly letter and a social letter is relatively the same as the difference between a strictly formal and a friendly informal visit4 ,to write a friendly letter1 one simply writes what one feels1 heeding no very stringent rules regarding letter-writing4 ,but the social letter-writer finds that there are certain forms that must be carefully observed1 if his or her letters are to be considered entirely correct4 ,there are two distinct forms of the social letters--the formal and the informal4 ,the formal social note is used only for invitations1 announcements and their respective acknowledgments4 ,it is always written in the third person1 and always requires an answer4 ,even though it is sent to the most intimate friend1 the formal note remains formal2 although later a friendly letter may be sent to remove any possible constraint or chill4 ,the informal note has no definite formula1 except that it can be generally compared to all the informal trend of correct social usage4 ,the first person is used in the writing of informal notes4 ,whether formal or informal1 the social note always bears the name of the person to whom it is addressed4 ,to illustrate1 when writing socially to ,mrs4 ,joselyn1 one does not use the expression1 ,dear ,madam1 but ,dear ,mrs4 ,joslyn4 ,in ,america the form my dear is considered a trifle more formal than just dear1 although in ,england the reverse is true4 ,dear ,madam and ,dear ,sir are forms reserved exclusively for use with business letters4 ,,the ,,etiquette ,,of ,,stationery ,the well-known proverb may well be changed to read1 ,a man is known by the stationery he uses4 ,there is no greater opportunity to show good taste--or bad--than in the tone1 design and type of note paper we use4 ,it is as effective an index to one's individuality as are the clothes we wear4 ,just as in everything else1 there are new fashions in the sizes1 forms and general appearance of social correspondence each season4 ,invariably1 the new form is an improvement on the older and more stilted form4 ,however1 there are slight changes1 and the general rules of correct correspondence remain unchanged from year to year4 ,a good stationer is the best authority in regard to the minor modifications that come each new season4 ,the outr in everything pertaining to good social usage is offensive to good taste4 ,thus1 those who are refined and well-bred avoid such startling color combinations as deep purple paper inscribed with white ink4 ,of course1 by its very daring1 such a letter would gain immediate attention4 ,but the impression made would be one of poor taste and eccentricity1 rather than the striking personality the writer doubtless tried to convey4 ,let us1 then1 avoid all fads in size and color of social stationery ,,letter ,,and ,,note ,,paper ,plain1 unruled sheets1 either white or light gray in color1 and folding once into their envelopes are the approved materials for all social correspondence4 ,black ink should always be used--violet1 blue or purple expresses extremely bad taste4 ,there are1 of course1 many varying qualities of note paper1 depending entirely upon the means and preferences of the individual4 ,some manufacturers are to-day issuing delightful stationery in delicate tones of gray1 blue and buff1 and it is necessary to mention here that there can be no objection to note paper of this kind4 ,it is only bad taste to use paper of vivid red1 yellow or green--so glaring in color that it is conspicuous4 ,colored borders on stationery are in poor taste1 as are also heavy gilt edges4 ,paneled stationery and that with the deckle edge are both very lovely and in excellent taste1 if the color is subdued or pure white4 ,and to be conspicuous is to be ill-bred4 ,the complete text of a formal note must appear on the first page only4 ,thus1 a good size for a woman's social correspondence stationary is four and a half inches by six inches1 although it may be slightly larger than that for general correspondence4 ,then there are the very small sheets used merely for a few words of condolence or congratulation4 ,the size of stationery for men's social correspondence varies1 but it is usually a trifle larger than a woman's note paper4 ,a man never uses small sheets of paper1 nor may he conduct social correspondence upon business or office paper4 ,it is only when private stationery is not easily available1 and a letter must be immediately mailed1 that club or hotel paper may be used for social correspondence4 ,letter paper and envelopes should be of the same color and of about the same material4 ,we say about for1 when the note paper is very thin1 a slightly thicker paper should be used for the envelope4 ,incidentally1 very thin paper is objectionable for social correspondence when both sides of the sheet are written upon4 ,some women like to use perfumed paper for their social correspondence4 ,while it is not exactly bad form to use perfumed stationery1 a very strong fragrance is most objectionable4 ,thus only the most delicate of perfumes may be used4 ,the use of perfumes for men's stationery is entirely discountenanced4 ,,crests ,,and ,,monograms ,just as the gaudy frills and furbelows of the dress of ,queen ,elizabeth's era have disappeared1 so have the elaborate crests1 seals and monograms of earlier social stationery gradually given way to a more graceful and dignified simplicity4 ,originality may be the possession of those who can attain it1 but it must always be accompanied by simplicity of style4 ,gorgeous monograms are not desirable4 ,if used at all--and very few even of our proud and aristocratic families do use them--they should be decorative without being elaborate4 ,a good stationer should be consulted before one determines upon a monogram4 ,his taste and knowledge should direct the ultimate choice4 ,monograms and crests should not appear on the envelope1 only on the letter paper4 ,seals may be stamped wherever one wishes on the back of the envelope1 although the most fashionable place is in the direct center of the flap4 ,on mourning stationery1 black wax is permissible for the seal2 red1 blue or any dark color may be used on white or light gray paper4 ,care should be taken in dropping the hot wax and pressing the seal1 for nothing is so indicative of poor taste as an untidy seal on the envelope of a social letter4 ,a seal should not be used unless it is actually needed4 ,it is bad form to use it in addition to the mucilage on the flap of the envelope unless the mucilage is of a very poor quality4 ,a monogram or crest is placed in the center at the top of the page when no address is given4 ,it should be omitted entirely when the address appears at the top of the page4 ,the space occupied by a crest or monogram should not cover more than the approximate circumference of a silver dime4 ,a crest is usually stamped in gilt1 silver1 black1 white or dark green4 ,vivid colors must be avoided4 ,when an address is engraved on a sheet of paper the chest or monogram should be omitted4 ,the stationery of a country house frequently has the name of the place in the upper right hand corner with the name of the post office or railroad station opposite4 ,authors sometimes have their names reproduced from their own handwriting and engraved across the top of the paper they use for their business correspondence4 ,the most fashionable stationery to-day does not bear crests or monograms or seals1 but the address engraved in ,gothic or ,roman lettering in the upper center of note and letter sheets1 also on the reverse side of the envelope4 ,black ink1 of course1 is used4 ,,use ,,of ,,the ,,typewriter ,having invaded and conquered the business world1 the typewriter has now become a social necessity4 ,personal typewriters1 made in portable sizes1 are now being used for social correspondence1 although many conservative people prefer to remain loyal to the use of the old pen and ink method4 ,yet1 when the best handwriting is often illegible and hard to read1 a modern invention so necessary as the typewriter should be hailed with delight and used with enthusiasm4 ,there still may be a few extremists and etiquette fanatics who insist that typewritten letters are for business purposes only1 and that they are an insult when used socially4 ,prevalent custom to-day permits typewritten correspondence for nearly every occasion1 and the well-typed social letter reflects better taste upon the sender than a hand-written letter that is difficult to read--and yet took a much greater length of time to write4 ,social letters1 whether hand or typewritten should not be on ordinary commercial paper4 ,the letter written on the machine should have a wide margin at the top1 bottom and sides4 ,signatures to a typewritten letter1 social or business1 should be made personally1 in ink4 ,,regarding ,,the ,,salutation ,it is only in cases of extreme formality that the expression ,dear ,madam or ,dear ,sir is used4 ,for ordinary social correspondence1 the salutation is either ,dear ,mr4 7,mrs47 ,roberts or ,my dear ,mr4 7,mrs47 ,roberts4 ,the use of ,my dear is considered more formal than merely ,dear1 except in ,england where the first form is considered the more intimate4 ,the form ,dear ,miss or ,dear ,friend may be used on no condition whatever4 ,it is either ,dear ,miss ,wimberly or ,dear ,madam4 ,it is considered presumptuous1 in good society1 for a man to address a lady as ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown until she has first dropped the formal my in her correspondence with him4 ,the strictly formal method for addressing a letter to a man by a woman who is a total stranger to him1 is3 ,mr4 ,john ,d4 ,brown1 ,dear ,sir4 ,if he is a distant relative1 addressed for the first time1 or the friend of a very intimate friend1 the salutation may read1 ,my dear ,mr4 ,brown4 ,,closing ,,the ,,letter ,the endings ,very truly yours or ,yours truly express a certain formality4 ,friendly letters are closed with such expressions as1 ,yours most sincerely1 ,cordially yours1 ,very affectionately yours1 ,lovingly yours4 ,the latter two expressions are confined largely to intimate friends and relatives1 while the others are used when letters are written to new acquaintances or casual friends4 ,the pronoun yours should never be omitted1 as it leaves the phrase unfinished and is not complimentary to the person addressed4 ,thus1 closings1 such as ,very truly or ,sincerely are in bad form4 ,always remember in social letter-writing1 to make a graceful exit4 ,an awkward sentence in closing often mars what would otherwise be a perfect letter4 ,forget certain strained expressions that remain in the mind and demand to be used as closings1 merely because they have been used by so many people1 over and over again4 ,make the farewell in your social letters as cordial and graceful as your farewell would be if you were talking to the person1 instead of writing4 ,such kind expressions as ,with kindest personal regards or ,hoping to have the pleasure of seeing you soon or ,with best wishes to your dear mother and sisters always add a note of warmth and cordiality to the social letter4 ,these should be followed by ,i am4 ,it is not considered good form to end a letter1 ,hoping to hear from you soon1 ,yours sincerely1 but it should be ,hoping to hear from you soon1 ,i am ,yours sincerely1 ,no comma is used after am4 ,it is not good taste to use only the initials1 the surnames or given names alone1 or diminutives1 when signing notes or letters except when they are addressed to one's most intimate friends4 ,a married woman signs her self ,ellen ,scott1 not ,mrs4 ,guy ,scott1 in social correspondence4 ,often1 in business letters1 when the recipient would be in doubt as to whether or not the lady were to be addressed as ,mrs4 or ,miss1 the conclusion to the letter should be in this form3 ,yours truly1 ,ellen ,scott 7,mrs4 ,guy ,scott7 ,an unmarried woman signs her letters ,margaret ,scott1 unless it is a business communication and she is liable to be mistaken for a widow4 ,in this case1 she precedes her name by the word ,miss in parentheses4 ,the first and last names of the man writing the letter must be given in full1 and if there is a middle name1 either the initial or full spelling may be given4 ,but such a signature as ,j4 ,ferrin ,robins is bad form4 ,it is both undignified and confusing to sign a letter with one's ,christian name only1 unless one is a relative or very intimate friend4 ,a woman never signs her ,christian name alone in a letter to a man unless he is a relative or her fianc or a very old friend of the family4 ,,addressing ,,the ,,envelope ,although there is a distinction in ,england regarding the use of ,mr4 and ,esq41 both forms are optional here in ,america4 ,either one may be used in good form4 ,but to omit both1 and address a man just as ,walter ,j4 ,smith is exceedingly rude and bad taste4 ,neither should ,esq4 and ,jr4 be used together in this manner1 ,walter ,j4 ,smith1 ,esq41 ,jr4 ,the correct form would be ,walter ,j4 ,smith1 ,jr4 ,a servant would be addressed merely as ,walter ,j4 ,smith1 without any title4 ,mrs4 or ,miss must invariably precede the name of a woman on an envelope unless she is a professional woman with some such title as ,dr4 ,a woman does not assume her husband's honorary title2 thus1 it is not good form to address an envelope in this manner3 ,mrs4 ,captain ,smith or ,mrs4 ,judge ,andrews4 ,a practicing woman physician is addressed in this fashion1 when the communication is professional3 ,dr4 ,ellen ,r4 ,blank4 ,this form is not used in social correspondence1 except in the case of a very famous1 elderly physician who is entitled to the honorary title at all times4 ,otherwise this form is used when the communication is social3 ,miss ,ellen ,r4 ,blank or ,mrs4 ,john ,t4 ,blank4 ,,letters ,,of ,,condolence ,letters of condolence should never be written1 unless the writer has been genuinely moved to sympathy4 ,for that reason1 they are usually forthcoming only from relatives and intimate friends of the bereaved family4 ,a letter of sympathy should be brief and cordial4 ,those pretentious letters that are filled with poetic quotations and sentimental expressions are not genuinely sympathetic1 and those that refer constantly to the deceased are unkind4 ,a few well-chosen words of sympathy are all that is necessary4 ,following are two model letters of condolence1 that may be used as basic forms for other letters3 ,new ,york1 ,august #bdth4 ,dear ,miss ,curtis3 ,i hasten to offer you my most profound sympathy for the great grief that has fallen upon you and your house-hold4 ,if there is anything ,i can do1 ,i hope you will not hesitate to call upon me4 ,cordially yours1 ,harriet ,b4 ,wainwright4 ,philadelphia1 ,may #eth4 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,andrews3 ,knowing as ,i do from my own experience how deep your grief must be ,i also know that there is little that anyone can say or do to make your sorrow any the less4 ,yet ,i cannot refrain from offering my sincerest sympathy1 and along with it the hope that ,time1 which softens all things1 will make even this easier to bear4 ,believe me1 most sincerely yours1 ,lillian ,m4 ,roberts4 ,,acknowledging ,a ,,letter ,,of ,,condolence ,mourning or white paper is always used when answering a letter of condolence1 except when the engraved cards of acknowledgment are sent4 ,these are severely plain1 and the message is always brief4 ,often they are sent in the name of the entire family1 as3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,hall ,hammond gratefully acknowledge your expression of sympathy upon the death of their daughter4 ,june #f1 #aiba4 ,this is certainly the easiest way for the bereaved to express their gratitude1 though simple notes of thanks may be sent instead of the more formal card4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,the ,,friendly ,,letter ,it is often a moot question among friends as to who shall write the first letter4 ,generally speaking1 it is the one who has gone away rather than the one who remains behind who writes first1 though among good friends there is no more necessity to count letters than there is to count visits4 ,the writer knew a college girl who1 when she came home1 decided to wait before writing and see how many of her friends cared enough for her to write to her4 ,she was rather gratified by the result but if each girl who came away from the school had arrived at the same decision the situation would have been a very queer one1 to say the least of it4 ,a young lady who has gone away may send a card or write a brief note to a gentleman but if he is the one who has departed she should not write to him until she has received a letter from him4 ,some people may feel that a discourse on friendly letters has no place in a book on social intercourse4 ,but we feel that social success is just as largely dependent upon one's simple friendships as it is upon highly extravagant social activities1 and therefore it is necessary to know something about the friendly letter4 ,the salutation in a friendly letter should always be ,dear ,mary or ,dear ,miss ,jones4 ,the text of the letter should be written with ease1 and instead of a long list of questions 7as some letter-writers delight in using71 bits of choice news of the day1 interesting personal experiences1 and the like should be disclosed4 ,as ,elizabeth ,myers in her book ,the ,social ,letter1 says3 ,the friendly letter is our proxy for a little tte--tte1 telling of the personal news of the day1 and should be as extemporaneous as daily speech4 ,such letters are given free scope and it would be as bootless to dictate rules as it would be to commit a monologue to memory prior to a friendly visit4 ,unless you are very intimate with a friend1 and your letter contains identifying news1 do not sign yourself merely with your ,christian name4 ,there are many ,marys1 and ,johns and ,harolds2 and a letter signed with the full name is as cordial as one which gives only the baptismal name4 ,there is an old ,latin proverb1 ,litera scripta manet1 meaning ,the written letter remains4 ,a very pretty sentiment is attached to this one short sentence4 ,it means not only that the letter itself remains1 but that the thoughts contained in that letter1 the kind1 unselfish1 pretty thoughts of friendship1 remain forever in heart and mind of the person for whom it was intended4 ,when you write to your friends1 make your letters so beautiful in form and text1 that they will be read1 re-read1 and cherished a long time after as a fond memory4 ,it will be a big step on the road to social perfection4 ,another point to be kept in mind is that nothing should be written in a letter that one would not be willing for almost anyone to see4 ,letters sometimes travel far1 and one can never be altogether sure into what hands they may fall4 ,,the ,,child',s ,,letter ,the sooner the child is taught to take care of his or her own personal correspondence1 the sooner he or she will become perfect in the art of letter-writing4 ,the little ones should be taught early the significance of the correct letter1 the importance of correct social correspondence4 ,their duties at first may be light1 and guided entirely by mother's suggestions2 but the youngsters will soon find keen pleasure and enjoyment in creating letters themselves4 ,here are a few letters that might have been written by children between the ages of seven and twelve4 ,they are not offered as model letters1 for children have a great deal more personality than grown-ups1 and they must get that personality into what they write2 otherwise the letter will be strained and unnatural4 ,do not be too critical of their first efforts4 ,pass over mistakes1 and let the letter sound as if the child and not you had written it4 ,at the same time teach them to be careful4 ,with a very small bit of diplomacy the child can be brought to take great pride in a letter which he wrote with his own hand4 ,and don't make the children say things that they do not want to4 ,protect them from the petty insincerities of social life as long as possible4 ,dear ,aunt ,may3 ,thank you ever so much for the pretty doll4 ,i have named her ,may4 ,mother thinks she is very pretty but ,tom does not4 ,tom does not like dolls4 ,he plays with the dog and his tops and marbles nearly all the time4 ,the dog's name is ,mike4 ,he is black4 ,i like him lots4 ,we are going to have strawberry ice cream ,sunday4 ,i wish you could be here4 ,i would give you a big plate full4 ,please come to see me soon4 ,your loving niece1 ,helen4 ,dear ,uncle ,frank1 ,i have a box of paints4 ,i painted a dog and a soldier this morning4 ,the soldier has on a red coat4 ,the dog is a pointer4 ,my dog is a rat terrier named ,jack4 ,he caught a big rat this morning in the barn4 ,mother says she thinks he has been eating the chickens4 ,school will be out in a week4 ,i will be glad4 ,mother says she will not4 ,i know how to swim4 ,there is a creek near here4 ,the water is over my head in one place4 ,i am going fishing one day next week4 ,i caught two perch last time ,i went4 ,your nephew1 ,john4 ,dear ,grandma3 ,i wish you a very happy birthday1 and ,i hope that you will like the present ,i sent you4 ,mother says that she will take me to see you soon4 ,i wish she could take me to-day4 ,your loving grandchild1 ,mabel4 ,,letters ,,to ,,persons ,,of ,,title ,a certain set of definite rules is prescribed for all communication with titled people4 ,the general rules given for ordinary social correspondence are not the same for persons of title1 and as each executive1 dignitary and man or woman of royal blood requires special address1 it will be necessary to incorporate them into a compact scale that can be easily referred to4 ,at the end of this volume is a scale giving the opening1 closing and address1 formal and informal1 for every person of title4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,parents ,,and ,,children ,,the ,,home ,the home is the unit of our social life1 and just as the whole can be no greater than the sum of its parts so the standard of behavior in a community can be no higher than the sum of the standards in the homes that make up that community4 ,if in the home one observes strictly the rules of politeness1 which means kindness1 one will have very little trouble with the rules of etiquette1 which is simply the way politeness finds expression in our intercourse with each other4 ,minor canons of etiquette change from time to time but good manners are always the same1 and never out of fashion4 ,,appearance ,,of ,,the ,,house ,obviously a book on etiquette cannot go into the problems of interior decoration2 yet a word or two will not be out of place4 ,the influence of one's surroundings on one's temper is enormous though the person may be unconscious of the fact4 ,a disordered room gives a feeling of depression and hopelessness to the one who enters it while one that is tidy tends to impart a feeling of restfulness4 ,if in addition to its neatness it is furnished in harmonious colors--and one cannot be too careful of the colors that are used in the home--in subdued tones it will contribute much more to the peace and happiness of the home than even those who live there realize4 ,it will not eliminate bad tempers or do away with disagreeable moments but it will certainly help to reduce them to a minimum4 ,,dress ,in another volume in the chapter on funerals we have spoken of the influence of dress1 especially of the influence of the constant presence of black on young children4 ,this is only one small phase of a very big subject4 ,in the home the chief requisite of one's dress is neatness4 ,a man will find it much easier to accord the little courtesies of well-bred society to his wife if she is neatly and becomingly dressed1 however simple the gown may be1 than if she is slatternly and untidy4 ,the children also will find it much easier to love1 honor and obey if their parents give a reasonable amount of time to taking care of their personal appearance4 ,it is not the most important thing in life but it is one of the little things that of large life make the whole and one that has much to do with making it pleasant or unpleasant4 ,in one of ,o4 ,henry's stories a little girl down on ,chrystie ,street asks her father1 a red-haired1 unshaven1 untidy man sitting shoeless by the window to play a game of checkers with her4 ,he refuses and the child goes out into the street to play with the other children in the corridors of the house of sin4 ,the story is not a pretty one4 ,six or seven years later there is a dance1 a murder and a plunge into the ,east ,river4 ,and then the great short story writer says that he dreamed the rest of the story4 ,he thought he was in the next world and ,liz1 for that was the girl's name1 was being tried for murder and self-destruction4 ,there was no doubt but that she had committed the crimes ascribed to her1 but the verdict of the officer in the celestial court was1 ,discharged4 ,and he added1 ,the guilty party you've got to look for in this case is a red-haired1 unshaven1 untidy man1 sitting by the window reading1 in his stocking feet1 while his children play in the streets4 ,it is not so much that dress in itself is important but that it is an index to so much else1 and while it is not an infallible one it is about as near right as any we have4 ,,dress ,,for ,,children ,there can be nothing quite so humiliating to a child as to be dressed in an outlandish fashion that renders him conspicuous4 ,some mothers1 delighting in the attractive clothes that they buy for their children1 do not realize what havoc they are causing to the tastes of the child4 ,a little boy should be dressed like a little boy1 and he should be allowed to develop his own tastes in the selection of his suits and blouses4 ,a little girl should by all means be allowed to make her choice of the clothes she is to wear1 guided by mother's superior knowledge and experience4 ,but to force a child to wear a garment against which its very soul revolts1 is to crush whatever natural instincts the child may have for the beautiful and artistic4 ,it is sad to see a child fretting uncomfortably in a suit that is too tight1 or a huge sailor hat that laps down over the eyes4 ,simple1 comfortable clothes are the best for children1 but they should be excellent material4 ,rather give the child one dress of excellent material and workmanship1 than two that are faulty and inferior4 ,teach her to appreciate material and she will always prefer quality to gaudiness4 ,,children ,,and ,,development ,it is not enough to give children the material things of life4 ,there are some things that money cannot buy1 and this thing we call culture is one of them4 ,it is a part of the heavy responsibility of parents to lead the children in their charge into the paths of right thinking and right living and the task should be a joyous one4 ,for every child born into the world has infinite possibilities and at its very worst the task is illumined by the ray of hope4 ,even the ugly duckling became a swan4 ,,know ,,your ,,children6 ,make that your first commandment in your plan of child-nature4 ,know your children6 ,and by knowing we do not mean their faults1 their likes and dislikes1 their habits4 ,know their ambitions1 their little hopes1 their fears and joys and sorrows4 ,be not only their advisors and parents1 but their friends4 ,in his book1 ,making the ,most of ,children1 ,la ,rue says3 ,we may say there are four kinds of parents1--spades1 clubs1 diamonds and hearts4 ,the spade parent1 he explains1 is buried in his work1 eager only to clothe attractively the body of the child1 but willing that the soul go naked4 ,the club parent is engrossed in social activities2 the father with his clubs and sports1 the mother with her dinners and entertainments4 ,the diamond parents love glitter and ostentation4 ,they must seem wealthy and prosperous at all cost4 ,they devote their time and thoughts to their home and outward appearance--they never think about knowing their children4 ,but the heart parent1 ,la ,rue tells us1 is the man or woman who is essentially a home maker4 ,he provides a library for the child1 a cozy room1 an environment that is truly home4 ,and he spends time with him1 learning all about his hopes and ambitions1 encouraging him1 teaching him4 ,he knows the child2 and the child knows that he has a friend upon whom to depend not only for material comforts but for spiritual advice and guidance4 ,you must know your children1 before you can attempt to make them well-mannered and well-bred4 ,,imitation ,the strongest force that enters into the molding of children's character and deportment is the character and deportment of their own parents4 ,youngsters cannot find the beautiful gift of good manners in some unknown place2 whatever they do and say is in imitation of something they heard their elders do and say4 ,the whole life of a man or woman is colored by the environment and atmosphere of his or her early childhood4 ,children should not be taught party manners4 ,if they are to be well-bred at all1 they must be so at all times2 and ill-bred parents can no more have well-bred children than an oak tree can have pine needles4 ,and the chief beauty of perfect manners is that they are so habitual as to be perfectly unconscious4 ,of great importance1 therefore1 is the law of teaching by example4 ,show the children that you yourself follow the laws of good conduct and courtesy4 ,whether guests are present or not1 let your table etiquette be faultless4 ,address everyone1 and especially the children themselves1 with studied courtesy and thoughtfulness4 ,a well-bred child is known immediately by his or her speech2 and when courtesy and gentle1 polite conversation is the rule in the home1 it will follow as the night the day that it will be the rule elsewhere4 ,parents invariably feel embarrassment at the ill-manners and lack of courtesy on the part of their children4 ,they would often be able to avoid this embarrassment if they realized that it was simply their manners and lack of courtesy in the home1 an indication that they themselves neglect the tenets of good breeding4 ,,the ,,child',s ,,speech ,it is a very grave mistake to repress constantly the speech of children4 ,but it is necessary that they should be taught early the true value of conversation1 instead of being permitted to prattle nonsense4 ,an excellent training is to converse with the child when you are alone with him1 drawing out his ideas1 giving him food for thought1 telling him interesting stories and watching his reactions4 ,in addressing elders the child should know exactly the correct forms to use4 ,for instance1 it is no longer considered good form for anyone except servants or tradespeople to use the expressions ,yes1 ma'am1 and ,yes1 sir4 ,still there is some deference due parents and elders1 and the correct method of address is1 ,yes1 mother1 or ,no1 father1 or ,thank you1 ,mr4 ,gray4 ,the manner of the child is just as important as the form of expression2 a courteous1 respectful manner should always be used towards elders4 ,contradictions are unbecoming in children4 ,yet the young girl or boy must be entitled to his or her own opinion4 ,if something is said with which he does not agree1 and if he is taking part in the conversation1 he may say1 ,i beg your pardon1 but4444 or1 ,i really think you are making a mistake4 ,i think that4444 ,,at ,,the ,,table ,the final test of good manners comes at the table4 ,remembering this the parents should lay special stress on this part of a child's training1 so as to make his manner of eating as natural as his manner of breathing4 ,and one is almost as important as the other4 ,there are no particular rules for children beyond those which older people should follow and these are given further on in this volume4 ,children are really little men and women and their training is all for the purpose of equipping them to live the lives of men and women in the happiest and most useful way possible4 ,a child should never seat himself until those older than he are in place though even this should not be ostentatious4 ,as soon as the mother or whoever is presiding at the table indicates that it is time for them to be seated they all should take their places almost simultaneously4 ,disparaging comments on the food are ill-bred4 ,unpleasant incidents should be passed over lightly whether they take place in the intimacy of the home circle or in a more formal gathering4 ,the conversation should be agreeable4 ,quarreling1 nagging1 gossiping1 scandal-mongering1 and fretting are absolutely taboo4 ,,playmates ,we have already said that children catch their manners from the people about them4 ,this is as true of their playmates as of their parents and when the child is in school nearly all day and playing out somewhere the rest of the time except during the evening when he is at home studying it is perhaps even more so4 ,the most rigid discipline and the most loving care will not prevail against the example of ,tom1 ,dick1 or ,harry1 if these three have been allowed to run wild4 ,there is a glamor about lawlessness even among children4 ,this should be kept in mind by their parents1 and while they should be placed1 insofar as it is possible1 among desirable playmates1 there should not be too stern repression4 ,for this may stifle development1 it may breed sullenness1 or it may engender rebellion4 ,there are too many parents to-day who try to bring up their children by the rule4 ,there is no rule4 ,each child is a law unto himself and the best way the mother or father can learn to take care of him is to study the youngster himself4 ,instead of the swaggering playmate or one that is otherwise undesirable the parent should offer something better4 ,of course1 he should be his child's friend and counselor as well as his parent1 but the wisest and most lovable parent that ever lived could not satisfy all the longings and desires of the child's heart4 ,he needs companionship of his own age4 ,the constant friction among playmates is the best way in the world to rub away sharp corners and rough places4 ,games1 books1 music1 toys1 friends--carefully chosen1 these are the most important elements which enter into the molding of the child's life and are therefore the ones to which greatest attention should be given4 ,,children',s ,,parties ,a party is something that the average child looks back upon with pleasure for a long1 long time4 ,there is no more pleasant way of inculcating a feeling of genuine hospitality or of bringing about an easy manner in the drawing-room than through allowing children to have parties and giving them a large share of the responsibility for making them successful4 ,the mother should superintend everything but she should consult and advise the child about favors1 refreshments1 etc4 ,the most attractive invitations are those which the youngster himself writes4 ,charming designs may be had from the stationers with blank spaces to be filled in by the person sending them4 ,this makes the child's task delightful as well as simple4 ,until he is old enough to write1 his mother pens his invitations4 ,rarely are engraved invitations used for a children's affair4 ,the invitation may be addressed to the child or to its mother and since parties for little people are usually very informal the invitation should be informal also4 ,the following shows a form which is sometimes used3 ,dear ,mrs4 ,grant1 ,i am having a little party for some of ,julian's friends ,thursday afternoon and am so anxious for ,mary to come4 ,if you will send her about four o'clock ,i will see that she gets back home around six4 ,cordially yours1 ,agnes ,k4 ,marshall ,if the invitation is addressed to the child it might be worded something like this3 ,dear ,mary1 ,julian is planning to have a little party ,thursday afternoon and he wants you to come about four o'clock4 ,tell your mother that we will see that you get home about six4 ,we both want you very much4 ,cordially your friend1 ,agnes ,k4 ,marshall4 ,birthday parties are usually held in the afternoon between three and six4 ,older children1 those of the ,sweet ,sixteen age1 may have parties from four to seven1 or eight o'clock4 ,hallowe'en1 ,new ,year and ,st4 ,patrick's ,day parties for little tots1 are invariably in the afternoon4 ,mother should arrange for sufficient interesting games to keep the youngsters amused and entertained2 and it always adds greatly to the fun1 if a little prize is offered for the winner of each game4 ,parties and ice-cream1 of course1 go hand in hand4 ,sweets1 cakes and fruit usually accompany the ice-cream4 ,sometimes hot chocolate and wafers are served to the youngsters4 ,at the birthday party1 the inevitable birthday cake is usually cut and served by the young host or hostess4 ,mother must not forget the candles1 one for each year and one for good measure4 ,the refreshments at young folks' parties are usually served at or about four o'clock4 ,it is most essential to have a sufficient number of amusements planned to keep the children entertained every minute of the time4 ,they cannot be trusted to take care of themselves especially if the party is a mixed one4 ,the hostess must also be careful not to have the games so active as to tire the youngsters out and she must be sure that the refreshments are wholesome4 ,it is no very small undertaking to give a successful children's party but the reward is great enough to make it worth while4 ,,planning ,,surprises ,the two important rules of children's parties may be analyzed briefly as3 simplicity and a surprise combined with suspense4 ,suspense is especially important2 children have impatient little souls and when they are promised some strange and vague surprise1 they are delighted beyond measure1 and spend the time awaiting it with keen delight and expectation4 ,the surprise may consist of a huge ,jack ,horner pie1 filled with pretty souvenirs4 ,it may be a ,brownie party1 with cunning little ,brownie hoods and caps previously prepared for the young visitors4 ,it may be any one of a thousand gay1 simple1 childhood games that youngsters delight in4 ,to offer a prize for the winner always arouses keen interest in the game4 ,,receiving ,,the ,,young ,,guests ,at children's parties1 the hostess stands in the background cordially seconding the welcomes extended by her little son or daughter4 ,when everyone has arrived1 the young host or hostess leads the way into the dining-room and the dinner4 ,after the dinner there will be games until it is time to leave4 ,the wise hostess will see that all fragile bric--brac and expensive furniture is well out of the way before the children come4 ,and she will see that as soon as a game is becoming too boisterous1 or too tiresome1 another is suggested4 ,there must be variety to the entertainment for children grow weary very quickly4 ,,about ,,the ,,birthday ,,party ,if the party is in honor of a child's birthday1 an effort should be made to make it as festive as possible4 ,the birthday flower1 whatever it happens to be1 should be given prominence4 ,the table should have an attractive floral centerpiece1 and must be as well-laid as the correctly formal dinner-table of the older folks4 ,it is customary for the guests to bring a gift for the child1 but lately it has been forbidden by some parents4 ,there is no reason to forbid it1 however1 as the custom is a pretty one and the gifts are usually trifling4 ,and it is as amusing as it is pleasing to watch how proudly and importantly the young visitor bestows his gifts upon his comrade4 ,the birthday cake holds the place of honor on the table4 ,around the edge of it1 in small tin holders1 are candles--one for each year the child has thus far celebrated4 ,one candle is blown out by each little guest1 and with it goes a secret wish of happiness for the boy or girl whose birthday it is4 ,some parents do not wish to run the risk of accidents caused by burning candles4 ,in this case1 it is pretty to have the icing on cake represent the face of a clock1 with the hour hand pointing to the hour which indicates the child's age4 ,very often when the slices of birthday cake are distributed1 tiny gifts are presented with them4 ,,when ,,the ,,young ,,guests ,,leave ,a problem which the hostess of children's parties invariably meets1 is how to get the children home safely4 ,undoubtedly1 the parents of the young children should provide some means of having them escorted home safely after the party2 the duty should not be allowed to devolve upon the hostess4 ,if the children are older1 of high-school age1 the young boys may be trusted to escort the girls to their homes4 ,when children are very young they have no idea when to leave4 ,the hostess may say1 ,let us have one more game before you start for home1 children1 and immediately proceed to explain what the game shall be1 impressing it upon them that they are expected to leave for home as soon as it is over4 ,or she may suggest a final grand march which the youngsters will no doubt enter into whole-heartedly--and the march may lead into the room where their wraps are waiting4 ,there is nothing quite as beautiful and gratifying as a group of laughing1 happy children2 and the hostess who has attained this may indeed feel repaid for her trouble4 ,children are easy to please1 too4 ,something absurd1 something the least bit out of the ordinary1 something queer or grotesque1 is bound to win their immediate applause no matter how simple and inexpensive it may be4 ,and strangely enough1 the hostess who manages to bring the sunshine and merriment into the hearts of her young guests1 feels young and childish herself for the time being--and the feeling is one of such utter delight and happiness that it is well worth the effort4 ,,children',s ,,entertainments ,,away ,,from ,,home ,there are many delightful ways of entertaining children away from home1 and out-of-door parties are especially wholesome4 ,motion pictures parties for children that are old enough are very pleasing if the picture is a good one4 ,this is a point that should be carefully attended to beforehand4 ,it is no time to take a chance4 ,at the party out in the woods or down by the bank of the creek refreshments should consist of picnic fare4 ,the motion picture party or the matine party might be followed by ice-cream or by a simple dinner4 ,but however many of these entertainments one may give one must remember that there is after all not a great deal of art in amusing people when the amusements are furnished by someone else1 and also that the art of entertaining charmingly at home is perhaps the greatest art of them all4 ,,children ,,and ,,dancing ,the dancing school teaches the youngster a great deal more than merely a few dancing steps4 ,from no other source is it possible for the young boy or girl to acquire the grace1 the poise1 the charm of manner that the dancing school imparts4 ,the writer knows a very lovely young miss of twelve years1 who has so charming a manner that one delights to be with her4 ,yet1 her parents confide1 that two years ago she was so nervous and fidgety that they were ashamed to take her anywhere4 ,they attribute her present grace and ease to her lessons at dancing school4 ,there is no reason why boys should not also be registered at the dancing school4 ,a young man who1 in childhood learned the little formalities of the dancing school1 will not be likely to feel ill at ease in the formal drawing-room1 or at the elaborate dinner4 ,he will know how to conduct himself without embarrassment or self-consciousness4 ,in training our children's manners and speech1 we must not forget that their physical development is most important4 ,etiquette requires that the child know1 not only how to act at the table1 how to greet visitors and how to be well-behaved and mannerly1 but also how to appear polite and polished4 ,dancing gives them just the right foundation for grace and courtesy of manner4 ,a ,,word ,,to ,,parents ,in your hands has been placed the destiny of a child1 or of children1 to be molded1 developed and formed into a perfect being4 ,do not make the mistake that so many parents make--the mistake of thinking that the child is a miniature of yourself1 a pocket edition of yourself as it were4 ,you have certain tastes1 habits1 hopes and desires cultivated through years of experience and education4 ,the child has a young mind to be expanded and developed1 a young body to be molded into lines of grace and charm1 a young life to be made fine and beautiful4 ,it is not an easy task1 this leading a child through the correct channels of early life4 ,the young minds are so sensitive1 the young memory is so retentive2 evil influences are so easily made1 and become so readily a part of the boy's or girl's life4 ,someone once said1 ,motherhood is made up of denial4 ,all parenthood is made up of denial--for from the time the youngster first opens its eyes in its cradle1 the parents must deny themselves everything that is necessary to make that child a perfect man or woman4 ,they must give up much of their social duties to attend to the development of the child's mind4 ,they must spend hours with the youngster in his own or her play1 so that there will be woven in with that play1 a subtle teaching4 ,they must deny themselves material and spiritual comforts so that those whose destiny is in their hands1 will be correctly prepared to meet life4 ,there are several chapters to the book of childhood4 ,it is the complete volume that counts--not just one page4 ,follow your child through all his chapters of childhood1 enter into his play and study and ambitions4 ,there are so many little incidents that remain in the memory and permanently change the behavior4 ,it is one thing to be just a parent1 quite another to be parent and friend4 ,let your child see that you are interested in all his activities1 and your influence will have a great deal to do in the shaping of his future manners4 ,,amusements ,be as careful of the books you read as of the company you keep2 for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter4 ,this bit of wisdom from the pen of ,paxton ,hood reveals one great duty which confronts every parent4 ,the child must have its own library1 and one that will correctly develop its mind and manners4 ,even if it is only one shelf of books in the nursery1 it should belong to the child itself4 ,the pride of personal ownership increases the value of the books4 ,books should be chosen with care1 but there should be sufficient variety to enable the young boy or girl to select the subject that he or she is most interested in4 ,fiction should be of the better kind1 ,robinson ,crusoe1 ,little ,lord ,fauntleroy1 the ,jungle ,books1 ,grimm's or ,andersen's ,fairy ,tales1 ,alice in ,wonderland1 etc4 ,boys will like ,plain ,tales from the ,hills1 ,bob1 ,son of ,battle1 ,treasure ,island1 ,the ,sea ,wolf1 ,huckleberry ,finn1 ,twenty ,thousand ,leagues ,under the ,sea1 etc4 ,there should be special attention given to the classics4 ,it is unfortunate that so much of the time devoted to them should be spent altogether in the schoolroom for books that one has to read are rarely the ones that one likes best4 ,dickens1 ,thackeray1 ,shakespeare1 ,george ,eliot1 and a mighty host of others are waiting for the child who is old enough to understand them4 ,the parent should watch the tendencies of the mind of his child and should keep him supplied with books that will develop and expand the little intellect in accordance with its natural preferences4 ,the best way to teach a child to care for books is to keep him surrounded with them and to read to him or tell him stories from time to time and to be patient if he is slow in manifesting a desire to use the key that unlocks the treasure that lies between the covers of books4 ,music is one of the best means of developing the child's emotional nature and of subduing wayward impulses and of bringing about harmony in the home circle4 ,the writer knows of one family--and there are many others--which sometimes in the evening finds itself all at sixes and sevens4 ,nobody agrees with anybody else2 the whole group is hopelessly tangled4 ,the mother goes to the piano and begins playing a song that they all know4 ,one by one the members of the family join in and it is not long before they are all gathered around the piano singing song after song and the petty disagreements and the unpleasant feeling of discord have vanished into thin air4 ,much is to be said in favor of the gramophones4 ,through them the best music is accessible to almost everyone4 ,but it is not wise to depend on them altogether1 for children have talent to be developed1 and there is a charm about music in the family that is like1 to use a crude comparison--home-cooking4 ,it cannot be duplicated elsewhere4 ,,let ,,the ,,child ,,be ,,natural ,after all1 the greatest charm of childhood is natural1 spontaneous simplicity4 ,stilted1 party-mannered children are bores4 ,they are unnatural4 ,and that which is not natural1 cannot be well-bred4 ,the cause of shy1 bashful1 self-conscious youngsters is wrong training4 ,they are repressed instead of developed4 ,their natural tendencies are held down by constant reminders and scoldings and warnings4 ,instead1 they should be brought out by proper encouragement1 by kind1 sympathetic understanding4 ,some children have the idea1 in their extreme youth1 that parents are made only to forbid things1 to repress them and make them do things against which their natures revolt4 ,the bond that should exist between parent and child is a certain understanding friendliness--an implicit faith on the part of the child1 and a wise guidance on the part of the parent4 ,remember that a child is like a flower4 ,if the flower is not permitted to struggle upward towards the sun1 and to gather in the tiny dewdrops1 it will wither and die4 ,if the child is not allowed to develop naturally1 its tastes and ideals will be warped and shallow4 ,teach your child to be well-mannered and polite1 but do not disguise him with unnatural manners and speech4 ,,the ,,young ,,girl ,there are two kinds of young girls--those who face life as some great opportunity1 who consider it a splendid gift to be made the most of1 and who help to create the beauty that they love to admire2 and those who are butterflies of society1 whose lives are mere husks1 without depth1 without worth-while impulses and ambitions4 ,they are satisfied if they know how to dance gracefully1 if they know how to enter a room in an impressive manner1 if they know how to be charming at the dinner table4 ,their conversation is idle chatter2 their ambitions are to be social queens1 to earn social distinction and importance4 ,fortunately1 the twentieth century girl is less of a butterfly than the tight-laced hoop-skirted young miss of the latter part of the nineteenth century4 ,perhaps the war had something to do with it4 ,perhaps it is because so many new occupations have been opened up to her4 ,perhaps it is evolution4 ,but the young miss of to-day is certainly more thrilled with life and its possibilities than her sister of two or three decades ago ever was4 ,life is no longer shown to the young daughter as a plaything by fond parents who plan no future except marriage and social success for the young woman whose future rests in their hands4 ,to-day life is shown to her as it is shown to her brother--as something beautiful1 something impressive1 something worthy of deep thought and ambitious plan4 ,to-day the young girl is not only taught to dance gracefully1 to enter a room correctly1 and to conduct herself with ease and charm at the dinner table1 but she is taught to develop her natural talents and abilities so that the world will be left a little better for her having lived in it4 ,her conduct1 therefore1 is tinged with a new dignity of purpose1 a new desire to make the best of the gift of life4 ,instead of idle chatter her conversation assumes the proportion of intellectual discussion1 and young men and women to-day discuss intelligently problems that would not have been mentioned in polite society a generation ago4 ,it is to help the young girl to prepare for the glorious future that awaits her that the following paragraphs are written4 ,,the ,,girl',s ,,manners ,there is nothing quite as charming in a young girl as repose of manner4 ,a soft voice1 a quiet1 cultured manner is more to be admired than a pretty face1 or an elaborate gown4 ,let the young girl look to the ancient ,greeks for inspiration4 ,here she will find the true conception of beauty--repose of manner and utter simplicity4 ,she will find that to be perfect is to be natural1 and that one must be simple and unostentatious to be beautiful in the true sense of the word4 ,after all1 what can be quite so lovely as beautiful manners8 ,and what can be more worthy of admiration and respect than a sweet1 well-mannered young girl8 ,politeness and courtesy are two other important virtues that the young girl should develop4 ,she should be as polite to her mother and sister as she is to strangers4 ,she should be courteous and kind to everyone4 ,and she should learn the art of listening as well as the art of conversation4 ,,the ,,chaperon ,american girls with their independent ideas of social requirements mock the idea of a chaperon to the theater or dance4 ,and this is especially true of the many young women who are planning careers for themselves1 who intend to be more than social butterflies4 ,we are proud of the ideal ,american girl4 ,we do not mean1 of course1 the self-esteemed1 arrogant young miss who derides all conventions and calls herself free4 ,in her we are not interested at all4 ,but there is the true ,american type--the young girl who is essentially a lady1 who has self-reliance but is not bold1 who is firm without being overbearing1 who is brainy but not masculine1 who is courageous1 strong and fearless1 yet feminine4 ,she has no need of the chaperon2 and it is because of her that the decay of the chaperon has been so rapid in ,america4 ,and so we find that the ,american girl who is well-bred1 who is well-mannered and high-principled1 may attend the theater and the dance with gentlemen1 unchaperoned4 ,it is only when she travels abroad or stops at a hotel for any length of time that social requirements still command that she be chaperoned4 ,but even then1 the girl who travels on business purposes1 need feel no embarrassment when she is alone1 if her manner and speech are as polished and correct as they should be4 ,,the ,,young ,,country ,,miss ,in the small town or in the country1 if a young girl goes to a party or other social meeting with a young man1 he is1 of course1 expected to escort her home again4 ,if the hour is early and the family will probably still be up1 she may invite him in if she wishes to do so4 ,but it is not an obligation4 ,if it is late1 she does not invite him into the house1 but she may ask him to call4 ,in some sections of the ,united ,states it is still considered correct for the young man himself to request that he be permitted to call4 ,a correspondent has written to inquire whether or not it is correct for a young girl to thank a young man for his escort just before leaving him at her own door4 ,evidently the young lady who has written has herself been in doubt as to whether or not it is correct4 ,in this instance1 circumstances alter cases4 ,if she were a young country miss returning from an informal village function1 she would by no means offer thanks4 ,but if the young man has obviously put himself to an inconvenience to escort her home1 then it is only polite that she offer him some expression of gratitude4 ,a city girl does not thank her escort1 but he on the other hand1 may thank her for a very pleasant afternoon or evening if he wishes to do so4 ,,the ,,girl ,,and ,,her ,,mother ,the young girl should follow her mother's example and advice in all things4 ,eighteen is the correct coming-out age for the young ,american girl1 and until then she should obey her mother without question4 ,she should be guided by her wider experience1 by her more mature knowledge4 ,but unfortunately this is not always so4 ,mothers and daughters are not the pals they ought to be4 ,recently a woman was asked by a very close friend why she allowed her daughter to attend the theater and the dance with a young man who was of questionable character4 ,surely you have some influence over her1 the friend persisted4 ,tell her to avoid him4 ,but she simply smiled in a tired sort of way and said1 ,i am only her mother4 ,this should not be4 ,the mother should guide her daughter in all she does1 and the daughter should be willing to abide by her mother's decisions4 ,otherwise that sacred1 beautiful friendship that can be created only between a mother and daughter will never exist4 ,,for ,,the ,,shy ,,and ,,self-,,conscious ,a great many of us suffer from self-consciousness4 ,we always imagine that people are looking at us1 talking about us1 ridiculing us4 ,we are never at ease among strangers1 never happy when people are around4 ,we are always embarrassed1 shy1 ill at ease4 ,there is a story told about the famous ,hawthorne who was so shy and self-conscious that he ran out of the house or hid himself whenever he saw visitors approaching4 ,his wife1 who was also very timid and retiring by nature1 was left to entertain the guests as best she could4 ,hawthorne was heartily ashamed of himself1 but instead of trying to overcome his self-consciousness he sought and found forgetfulness in his books and writings4 ,his wife1 on the other hand1 was forced to overcome her natural timidity for the sake of her husband and for the sake of the hospitality of the ,hawthorne home4 ,and because she determined to do it1 she soon became entirely unself-conscious and able to conduct herself with ease and unconcern even among the most celebrated people4 ,and so you see that self-consciousness can be overcome4 ,there is no reason for the bride to feel embarrassed and ill at ease when she is hostess for the first time in her new home4 ,there is no reason for the young girl to feel shy and timid when she is introduced in society4 ,there is no reason for the young man to be self-conscious in the presence of ladies4 ,a little will power and a little sincere effort will banish this fault forever4 ,,forget ,,about ,,yourself ,that is the only way you can hope to cure yourself of self-consciousness--forget about yourself6 ,there are so many delightful things you can think of1 so many interesting things beyond the selfish little boundaries of your own self4 ,send your thoughts abroad1 send them into the universe to drink deeply of knowledge and learning1 to delve into the wells of profound interest that surround us on every side--and forget about the petty commonplaces of life1 the unimportant everyday conventionalities4 ,then you will forget about yourself also1 and before you realize it you will be calm1 dignified1 unafraid4 ,all suggestion of self-consciousness will have vanished4 ,,why ,,the ,,shy ,,are ,,awkward ,when a bride leaves a small country place to become the hostess in a large house in a large city1 she is very likely to feel ill at ease and conscious of herself4 ,naturally1 this makes her awkward in her manners4 ,shyness is over-sensitiveness--a shrinking from observation4 ,it causes us to worry about what others are thinking about us1 and naturally it makes us morbid4 ,thus we are kept from appearing at our best1 and in all our manners and actions we appear awkward and nervous4 ,it is very necessary to overcome this fault if one wishes to mingle with people of the best society4 ,orison ,swett ,marden says1 ,if you are a victim of timidity and self-depreciation1 afraid to say your soul is your own2 if you creep about the world as though you thought you were taking up room which belonged to somebody else2 if you are bashful1 timid1 confused1 tongue-tied when you ought to assert yourself1 say to yourself1 ',i am a child of the ,king of ,kings4 ,i will no longer suffer this cowardly timidity to rule me4 ,i am made by the same ,creator who made all other human beings4 ,they are my brothers and sisters4 ,there is no more reason why ,i should be afraid to express what ,i feel or think before them than if they were in my own family4' ,the great inspirational writer has shown you in this little paragraph the way to overcome your self-consciousness--the foolish timidity that is robbing you of your privilege of self-assertion1 of your ease and grace of manner1 of your very happiness4 ,whenever you feel embarrassed and ill at ease in the presence of strangers1 think of the words of ,marden4 ,remember that you are one of the children of the universe1 that we are all brothers and sisters1 and that you have as much right to assert yourself as any other man or woman in the world4 ,and when you finally do overcome your timidity you will find that you have acquired a splendid new grace and charm of manner4 ,,self-,,confidence ,,versus ,,conceit ,do not have the mistaken idea that confidence in oneself1 lack of self-consciousness1 is conceit4 ,as a matter of fact1 it is much better to be shy and self-conscious than to be a pert1 aggressive egotist4 ,the first lesson to learn1 in your crusade against self-consciousness1 is that you must not be ashamed of your shyness4 ,that will make you even more conscious of yourself4 ,forget that you are shy4 ,or if you cannot forget1 tell yourself that it is better to be reserved and modest than to be conceited and aggressive4 ,do not shrink from strangers1 but meet them and talk to them as though they were your brothers1 or sisters4 ,treat everyone like an equal1 but do not treat yourself as an inferior4 ,self-confidence is what makes success1 whether it is in the social world or the business world4 ,it was self-confidence that helped ,edison with each new invention4 ,it was self-confidence that enabled ,madame ,marie ,curie1 penniless and obscure1 to discover radium1 the greatest and most wonderful metal in the world4 ,all achievement is founded on self-confidence--not of the aggressive sort1 but of the quiet1 calm1 unassuming sort that is so easy to develop if one will only try4 ,determine that you will no longer allow timidity and shyness to rule you4 ,assert yourself6 ,and watch how your manners improve4 ,,country ,,hospitality ,the country hostess must not feel that she is expected to entertain her guests in city fashion4 ,there is a great deal of difference between the facilities and conditions of country and city life1 and social activities are consequently different in both localities4 ,in the country there is much less mingling with strangers than there is in the city4 ,social entertainments are confined very largely to the home fireside4 ,there are few clubs1 few large halls and auditoriums4 ,a feeling of intimacy and good-fellowship exists which is entirely lacking in large cities4 ,almost everybody knows everybody else1 and when a large entertainment is given1 the whole village knows about it4 ,to attempt to emulate her city sister would be folly for the country hostess4 ,she hasn't the facilities nor the natural conditions conducive to the elaborate and strictly formal entertainments and activities of the city4 ,in the country everything should be on a simpler1 more informal basis2 the natural beauties of the country are certainly not compatible with the fashionable and often ostentatious activities of the city4 ,,importance ,,of ,,simplicity ,we go to the country because we are tired of the town and we want rest1 quiet1 peace4 ,we do not expect to find a frenzied attempt at imitation of city entertainments4 ,yet this is what so many hostesses do--instead of retaining the delightful natural simplicity of their homes1 they feel that they must entertain their city friends in city fashion4 ,and invariably they fail4 ,very often when a city man or woman is tired of the sham and narrow conventionalities of city life1 he or she will plan to visit a country friend4 ,if that country friend is wise1 he or she will make no elaborate preparations1 but just greet the friend with the simple country hospitality that is so alluring to city people4 ,where in the city can you find the good-fellowship1 the spontaneity1 the courteous kindliness that you find in the small town and village8 ,where in the city can you find the open-hearted generosity1 the sympathetic understanding and the simple courtesy that you find among country people8 ,the elaborate ball room with its richly gowned women is charming and impressive2 but the simple country party with its ,virginia reel1 the daughters in their party clothes and mothers in their best black silks are no less charming4 ,for the sake of those young men and women who live in the country and know liveried chauffeurs and uniformed butlers only through books1 for the sake of those men and women who live in the country because they love simplicity and the beauties of nature1 but for those who are eager to know good manners and know what is correct at all times1 we are writing the following paragraph on etiquette in the small town4 ,let us first write about ,,the ,,hostess ,when entertaining guests from the city1 fresh flowers should be brought into the house every day4 ,the meal served should be simple2 elaborate course dinners are not in good form when the facilities of the hostess do not permit them4 ,nothing ostentatious should be attempted2 just simple1 homelike hospitality such as is offered the neighbors and friends of the village4 ,early dining is usual in the country1 especially in the summer4 ,sometimes high tea is served4 ,the tea-urn is placed on the table before the hostess to give a homelike air to the function1 and fruits and flowers are placed in cut glass bowls on the table4 ,preserves1 honey and cakes should also be on the table in cut glass or china dishes4 ,hot biscuits1 muffins and wafers are usually served at high tea1 with one substantial dish like cold chicken1 salad or cold sliced meats4 ,hammocks1 tennis courts1 rowboats1 etc41 should be placed at the disposal of visiting guests4 ,the considerate hostess always plans some sort of entertainment for guests that have come a long way to visit her1 but she does not make any attempt to provide anything elaborate4 ,a simple country dance or a musicale is relaxing and entertaining4 ,protection from flies1 mosquitoes1 etc4 should be provided for guests4 ,if chairs and hammocks are on the porch1 it should be completely screened in to prevent mosquitoes from annoying the guests4 ,it is just such little considerations as these that make country hospitality so delightful4 ,,the ,,guest ,whether you are a guest from the city1 or a friend from the village1 you have a certain definite etiquette to observe when you are at the home of a country hostess4 ,first you must make yourself agreeable and helpful4 ,if you are from the city1 forget the restricting formalities you have been accustomed to4 ,you may speak to everyone in the hostess' drawing-room--or parlor--even though there have been no introductions4 ,and if you see an elderly man or woman standing all alone in one corner of the room1 you can go over to him or her1 start a conversation1 and offer to get a chair or an ice for the stranger4 ,it is not necessary to wait for an introduction4 ,do not be dull during the afternoon or evening4 ,be pleasant and agreeable2 if conversation lags1 stimulate it with an interesting anecdote4 ,if you can entertain in some way1 either by singing1 playing some musical instrument1 or reciting1 don't be backward about offering your services4 ,remember you are not in an elaborate ball room but among simple country folks1 and if you can provide enjoyable entertainment for them1 they will appreciate it just as much as you yourself will enjoy it4 ,an offish person always spoils the fun of a country party4 ,if you feel you are superior to the ,virginia reel and the apple paring contests1 do not attend4 ,move to the city where you can attend elaborate social functions4 ,but while you are at the party1 do your best to add to the general enjoyment1 and do not spoil things by being disagreeable and unpleasant4 ,it is poor taste to wear very fashionable city clothes to a simple country entertainment4 ,if you come from the city1 wear something simple and pretty1 but not something that will make you conspicuous4 ,if you are a man and you know that none of the other men will wear full dress1 then don't be presumptuous enough to appear in your swallow-tail4 ,but if you are a village friend1 you may wear your ,sunday best for undoubtedly everyone else who attends the party will do likewise4 ,,for ,,country ,,folks ,never attempt to make false impressions4 ,that is one great fault found among certain country people4 ,when city friends call1 they attempt to overawe them with their superiority4 ,while the city friends are with them1 they do not notice their village friends at church1 nor do they invite them to their house4 ,they devote themselves exclusively to their friends from the city--and invariably those friends return home disappointed and disillusioned4 ,when people move in the neighborhood1 it is considered polite to pay them the first visit--to extend the hand of welcome1 as the expression is4 ,the hostess should offer a cup of tea with crackers or cake1 and should make herself agreeable in every way4 ,however1 the acquaintance should not be forced2 if the newcomers are haughty and aloof1 it is well to leave them to themselves1 until they have absorbed some of the good-fellowship and courtesy of the village4 ,there is very little need for formal calling cards in the small village where everybody knows everybody else4 ,a great many of the conventionalities of city life are1 of course1 found in the country2 but a great many more of them are lacking4 ,and among them are the strictly formal introductions1 calls and social functions that are observed with such punctiliousness in the city4 ,simplicity should be the keynote of country life1 and quiet1 dignified manners should be the ideal of country people4 ,,the ,,endless ,,round ,,of ,,hospitality ,hospitality does not mean the giving of sumptuous banquets or elaborate dinners4 ,it does not mean the extravagant recklessness of much-talked-about house parties1 or extended yachting trips4 ,it does not mean the holding of gay and festive balls4 ,no1 it means none of these1 for even in the most humble home one can find the truest hospitality4 ,there need be no rich display1 no obvious effort at ostentation4 ,for hospitality is that open-hearted1 open-handed1 generous1 lovable1 beautiful fellow-feeling for fellow-mortals--the kind of feeling that makes you throw open your home1 small apartment or mighty mansion1 as the case may be1 and bid your friends and acquaintances welcome4 ,welcome1 mind you1 that has in its greeting none of the sham cordiality1 that wealthy people sometimes parade merely for the sake of being able to show their worldly goods to the envious eyes of their guests1--but a whole-souled and whole-hearted welcome that is willing to share everything one has4 ,and so1 the round of hospitality goes endlessly on1 host and hostess making the pleasure and comfort of the guest their prime consideration4 ,parties1 receptions1 dances1 balls1 dinners--all are instances of the eagerness of the world1 the social world1 to entertain1 to give pleasure1 to amuse4 ,and the guests1 in their turn1 repay the hospitalities with other hospitalities of their own4 ,and we find1 in this glorious twentieth century it is our fortune to be living in1 a wholesome1 generous hospitality that puts to shame the history-famed achievements of kings and princes of yore4 ,,when ,,to ,,invite ,the question naturally arises1 what are the occasions that require hospitality8 ,frankly1 there are no definite occasions4 ,hospitality is the index to breeding and culture at all times4 ,but there are certain ceremonious occasions that warrant the invited hospitality--and such are the occasions that we will study in this chapter4 ,first1 we find the wedding anniversary claiming the ceremony of many invited guests and much festive entertainment4 ,thus1 wedding anniversaries offer an excellent opportunity for hospitality4 ,then there is the occasion of the young daughter's introduction to society--an event which is important1 indeed1 and requires the utmost hospitality on the part of host and hostess alike4 ,when one's son graduates from college1 a little dinner party and perhaps some musical entertainment afterward is an appropriate time to show by one's hospitality1 sincere gratitude for the splendid educational opportunities afforded the youth of ,america4 ,oh1 there are countless opportunities1 countless excuses1 if you will call it that1 countless occasions when hospitality can be shown to one's friends and acquaintances6 ,and it is only by taking advantage of these opportunities1 by revealing one's unselfish1 ungrudging hospitality1 that one rightly earns the name of cultured4 ,the hostess who sighs in relief when the guest has departed is not truly hospitable4 ,she should have a certain sense of satisfaction in the knowledge of her very weariness4 ,for hasn't she served her guests well8 ,hasn't she sent them to their homes a little happier than when they first came8 ,the sigh should be one of sheer joy4 ,no one invites guests to his or her home to make them unhappy4 ,therefore1 if among your friends you number one whose worldly goods are very much less than your own1 do not invite him or her to a fashionable ball where rich display will make him feel sadly out of place4 ,rather save the invitation for a quiet1 afternoon tea4 ,and on the other hand1 if you are unable to care for the wants and comforts of several guests1 do not invite them to house parties4 ,be hospitable--but above all use good sense and good judgment before you invite4 ,,the ,,guests ,,and ,,their ,,duties ,the fact that ,america is the home of hospitality and land of the most generous hostesses1 does not indicate necessarily that the guest1 in his selfishness1 should take advantage of it4 ,a well-bred1 considerate person always seeks to minimize as far as possible the efforts of his or her hostess1 and to make the visit or stay pleasant4 ,she1 or he1 constantly endeavors to aid the hostess in providing entertainment4 ,in short1 he returns the hospitality of the host and hostess1 with a hospitality of his own--a hospitality that1 in itsconsideration and regard for the rights of others1 is one of the beautiful things that makes life worth the living4 ,it is superb--this giving and returning of hospitality3 ,we find a worried1 anxious business man1 forgetting for the moment his pressing affairs in the diverting entertainments provided for him by his hostess2 in return1 exerting every effort to contribute to the success of the evening1 to join in the conversation when he would rather be silent and pensive1 to be witty and humorous when he would much prefer being moody and despondent4 ,and so it goes on1 a constant giving and returning of hospitality1 so beautiful and so inspiring that it is worthy of the stress given to it in the social world4 ,there are some paramount obligations which the guest must observe4 ,among them1 perhaps most exacting1 is punctuality4 ,to keep others waiting1 to be continually tardy1 is to demonstrate one's rudeness and want of good breeding4 ,promptness in regard to the answering of invitations1 punctuality in attending dinners1 luncheons and parties of any kind1--these are marks of good breeding4 ,if one is invited to a dance or party and does not wish to attend without an out-of-town friend who happens to be stopping with him or her at the time--a friend who certainly cannot be deserted on the afternoon or evening of the occasion--it is permissible to write a cordial note to the hostess explaining the situation and requesting that an invitation be extended to the friend4 ,however1 no resentment should be felt if the hostess finds she must refuse the request2 for she may have had to refuse some of her own friends on account of conditions beyond her control4 ,but no guest may bring to a party1 dance or dinner1 a friend or acquaintance who has not been invited4 ,this is considered a breach of etiquette1 and the hostess is not inhospitable when she does not invite that particular guest again4 ,the guest must conform in all things to the tastes and customs of his host and hostess4 ,he must find 7or feign7 enjoyment in everything that is proposed by them1 everything that is offered by them in the way of entertainment4 ,in taking leave of the hostess it is necessary to thank her cordially4 ,criticisms1 either of the conduct of some other guest1 or of servants1 are poor form and should be avoided4 ,the ideal guest is the one who has that ease and poise of manner1 that calmness and kindness of temper1 that loving and lovable disposition that makes people somehow want to talk to and be with him4 ,such a guest needs no set of rules--inherently he knows the laws of good conduct and fine manners2 he is the boon of hosts and hostesses the world over4 ,,executives ,,of ,,state ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,addressing ,salutation,salutation,closing ,closing ,title ,envelope ,formal ,informal ,formal ,informal ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,president ,president ,sir ,my dear ,i have the ,i have the of ,calvin ,mr4 honor to honor to ,united ,coolidge ,president remain your remain most ,states most respectfully obedient 7sincerely7 servant yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,vice- ,the ,vice- ,sir or ,my dear ,i have1 sir1 ,i have the ,president ,president ,dear ,sir ,john ,doe the honor to honor to ,john ,doe remain your remain most obedient respectfully servant 7sincerely7 yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,cabinet ,hon4 or ,sir or ,my dear ,i have1 sir1 ,i have the ,member ,honorable ,dear ,sir ,hubert the honor to honor to ,hubert ,work1 ,work remain your remain most ,secretary of obedient respectfully ,interior1 servant 7sincerely7 etc4 yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,senator ,senator ,sir or ,my dear ,i have1 sir1 ,believe ,william ,m4 ,dear ,sir ,senator the honor to me1 most ,calder or ,calder remain your sincerely ,honorable obedient yours ,william ,m4 servant ,calder ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,member of ,honorable ,sir or ,my dear ,i have1 sir1 ,believe ,house of ,robert ,c4 ,dear ,sir ,mr4 ,bacon the honor to me1 most ,represen- ,bacon remain your sincerely tatives obedient yours servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,justice ,mr4 ,justice ,sir or ,dear ,i have1 sir1 ,believe of ,supreme,h4 ,taft1 or ,dear ,sir ,justice the honor to me1 most ,court ,the ,hon4 ,h4 ,taft remain your sincerely ,taft ,justice obedient yours of ,supreme servant ,court ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,governor ,governor ,sir or ,dear ,i have1 sir1 ,believe of ,state ,alfred ,e4 ,dear ,sir ,governor the honor to me1 most ,smith ,smith1 or remain your sincerely ,dear ,mr4 obedient yours ,smith servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,mayor of ,his ,honor ,sir or ,my dear ,i have1 sir1 ,believe ,city the ,mayor of ,dear ,sir ,mayor the honor to me1 most ,new ,york1 remain your sincerely ,john ,f4 obedient yours ,hylan servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,,church ,,dignitaries ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,addressing ,salutation,salutation,closing ,closing ,title ,envelope ,formal ,informal ,formal ,informal ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,archbishop,the ,most ,my ,lord ,my dear ,i remain1 my ,i have ,anglican ,reverend1 ,archbishop,lord ,lord honor to ,church ,his ,grace ,may it ,archbishop,archbishop1 remain the ,please your my dear ,archbishop ,your ,grace's ,archbishop of ,york ,grace obedient servamt ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,anglican ,to the ,right ,my ,lord ,my dear ,i have ,i have ,bishop ,reverend1 ,lord honor to honor to the ,lord ,bishop remain your remain1 ,bishop of ,lordship's my dear ,kent obedient ,lord servamt ,bishop1 faithfully yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,roman ,the ,most ,most ,most ,i have the ,i have the ,catholic ,reverend ,john,reverend ,reverend honor to honor to ,archbishop,g4 ,mc,caular1 and dear and dear remain your remain your ,archbishop ,sir ,sir humble humble of ,newgate servant servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,cardinal ,his ,eminence1,your ,your ,i have the ,i have the ,cardinal ,eminence ,eminence honor to honor to ,newton or ,dear remain your remain your ,cardinal humble humble ,newton servant servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,roman ,to the ,right ,right ,my dear ,i have the ,i have the ,catholic ,reverend ,reverend ,bishop honor to honor to ,bishop ,joseph ,f4 and dear ,white remain your remain your ,white1 ,sir humble humble ,bishop of servant servant ,massachusetts ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,protestant,right ,right ,dear ,i have the ,i have the ,bishop ,reverend ,reverend ,bishop honor to honor to ,edward ,f4 and dear ,conroy remain your remain your ,conroy1 ,sir obedient obedient ,bishop of servant1 or servant1 or ,new ,jersey ,i remain ,i remain respectfully respectfully 7sincerely7 7sincerely7 yours yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,roman ,the ,reverend ,reverend ,dear ,i beg to ,catholic ,james ,g4 ,hilland dear ,father remain1 very ,priest or 7with ,d4,d47 ,sir ,hill 7to sincerely ,protestantor ,reverend ,catholic7 ,minister ,doctor ,hill ,dear ,doctor or ,mr4 ,hill 7to ,prot- estant7 ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,rabbi ,dr4 ,f4 ,g4 ,dear ,sir ,dear ,dr4 ,i beg to ,krauss ,krauss remain1 ,yours sincerely ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,,royalty ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,addressing ,salutation,salutation,closing ,closing ,title ,envelope ,formal ,informal ,formal ,informal ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,king or ,to ,his 7,her7 ,sir 7or ,dear 7or ,i have the ,queen ,most ,gracious,madam71 ,honored7 honor to ,majesty ,king ,may it ,sir 7or remain your ,george 7,queenplease ,madam7 ,majesty's ,mary7 your most ,majesty obedient servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,royal ,to ,his 7,her7 ,sir ,dear ,sir ,i have the ,your ,royal ,prince or ,royal 7,madam71 ,dear ,madamhonor to ,highness' ,princess ,highness1 ,may it remain your most the ,prince ofplease ,royal obedient ,wales 7or your ,highness' servant ,princess ,highness humble ,mary7 servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,duke and ,to ,his 7,her7 ,my ,lord ,my dear ,i have the ,believe ,duchess ,grace1 the 7,madam71 ,duke honor to me1 dear ,duke of ,may it ,my dear remain your ,duke ,devonshire please ,duchess ,grace's most 7,duchess7 7or ,duchess your ,grace obedient yours very of servant sincerely ,devonshire7 ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,dowager ,to ,her ,grace1,madam1 ,may,my dear ,i have the ,believe ,duchess the ,dowager it please ,duchess honor to me1 dear ,duchess of your ,grace7,informal7remain your ,duchess1 ,devonshire1 ,grace's most yours very or ,to ,her obedient sincerely ,grace1 ,anne1 servant ,duchess of ,devonshire ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,marquis ,to the ,my ,lord ,my dear ,believe me1 ,believe me1 ,marchion- ,marquis of ,marquis ,lord ,fife ,lord 7,lady7 ,lord 7,lady7 ess ,fife1 ,to the ,madam ,dear ,lady ,fife1 very ,fife1 very ,marchioness ,fife sincerely sincerely of ,fife yours yours ,to the ,most ,noble ,marquis of ,fife1 ,to the ,most ,noble ,marchioness of ,fife ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,dowager ,to the ,madam ,dear ,lady ,believe me1 ,believe me1 ,marchion- ,dowager1 ,fife ,lady ,fife1 ,lady ,fife1 ess ,marchioness very very of ,fife1 ,to sincerely sincerely ,mary1 yours yours ,marchioness of ,fife ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,younger ,to the ,right ,my ,lord ,my dear ,i have the ,believe me1 son and ,honorable1 ,lord ,jameshonor to ,my dear wife of the ,lord ,grey1 remain your ,lord 7,lady7 a ,duke or ,james ,grey1 ,dear ,lady 7,ladyship's7 ,grey1 ,marquis ,to the ,right ,james ,greyobedient faithfully ,honorable1 servant yours the ,lady ,james ,grey ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,daughter ,right ,hon4 ,madam ,dear ,lady ,i have the ,believe me1 of ,duke1 the ,lady ,janet honor to dear ,lady ,marchion- ,janet ,gregory remain your ,janet1 very ess or 7,informal7 ,lordship's faithfully ,earl ,to the ,lady 7,ladyship's7 yours ,janet ,gregory obedient servant ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,earl ,right ,my ,lord ,dear ,lord ,believe me1 my dear ,lord ,countess ,honorable 7,madam7 ,kent 7,lady7 ,kent1 sincerely the ,earl of ,dear ,lady yours ,kent1 ,kent ,countess of ,kent ---------------------------------------- ----------------------------- ,viscount ,right ,my ,lord ,dear ,lord ,believe me1 my dear ,lord ,viscount- ,honorable 7,madam7 7,lady7 7,lady7 ,kent1 sincerely ess ,viscount yours 7,viscountess7 ,grey or ,to ,viscount ,grey ,to ,viscount- ess ,grey ---------------------------------------- ----------------------------- ,baron ,right ,my ,lord ,dear ,lord ,believe me1 my dear ,lord ,baroness ,honorable 7,madam7 7,lady7 7,lady7 ,kent1 sincerely the ,baron yours ,whiteside1 ,the ,right ,honorable the ,baroness ,whiteside ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,younger ,to the ,sir1 ,dear ,dear ,mr4 ,i have the ,believe me1 son and ,honorable ,sir ,warwick honor to dear ,mr4 ,wife of ,james 7,madam1 ,dear ,mrs4 remain your or ,mrs4 ,earl1 ,warwick1 ,to ,dear ,warwick obedient ,warwick1 ,viscount the ,honorable,madam7 servant sincerely or ,baron ,mrs4 ,warwick yours ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ,daughter ,to the ,dear ,madam,dear ,miss ,believe me1 sincerely of ,honorable ,grey yours ,viscount ,miss ,grey or ,baron ---------------------------------------- ----------------------------- ,baronet ,to ,sir ,james ,sir ,dear ,sir ,believe me1 dear ,sir ,lady ,grey1 ,bart4 ,madam ,james ,james1 faithfully ,to ,lady ,grey yours ,grey ,dear ,lady ,believe me1 dear ,grey ,lady ,grey1 faithfully yours ---------------------------------------- ----------------------------- ,knight ,sir ,james ,sir ,dear ,sir ,believe me1 dear ,sir ,lady ,grey1 ,madam ,james ,james1 faithfully ,lady ,james ,dear ,lady yours ,grey ,grey ,believe me1 dear ,lady ,grey faithfully yours ---------------------------------------- -----------------------------