file which includes the original illustration and illuminations4 ,see #ceifc-;h4htm or #ceifc-;h4zip3 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/cache_/epu b_/#ceifc_/pg#ceifc-;images4html7 or 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/files_/#ce ifc_/ceifc-;h4zip7 ,illustration3 ,very sincerely yours1 ,annie ,s4 ,swan4 ,twenty-fourth thousand4 ,,courtship ,,and ,,marriage ,and the ,gentle ,art of ,home-,making4 by ,,annie ,s4 ,,swan 7,mrs4 ,burnett-,smith71 ,author of ,a ,bitter ,debt1 ,homespun1 ,aldersyde1 ,etc41 ,etc4 ,love is the incense that doth sweeten earth4 ,be it ever so humble1 ,there's no place like home4 ,london1 #ahid3 ,hutchinson ,co41 #cd1 ,paternoster ,row4 99 99 99 99 99 99 ,new ,books ,by ,,annie ,s4 ,,swan4 ,a ,,bitter ,,debt4 ,a ,,tale ,,of ,,the ,,black ,,country4 ,in large crown #hvo1 handsome cloth gilt binding1 with illustrations by ,d4 ,murray-,smith4 ,price #es4 ,thirty-second ,thousand4 ,,homespun3 ,a ,,study ,,of ,a ,,simple ,,folk4 ,in cloth1 gilt1 #as4 #f;d41 paper1 #as4 ,with ,illustrations4 ,the language is perfect2 the highest strings of humanity are touched4--,athenaeum4 ',homespun' is excellent1 a masterpiece4 ,it is told with great skill1 and quiet but genuine power4 ,the story will long be a favourite in ,scotland1 and is sure to be widely read in ,england4--,british ,weekly4 ,power and felicity are in evidence on every page4--,glasgow ,herald4 ,london3 ,,hutchinson ,co41 #cd1 ,paternoster ,row4 99 99 99 99 99 99 ,,to ,the ,loved ,memory ,,of ,,my ,,father4 ,an honest man--the noblest work of ,god4 ,illustration ,,contents4 ,,chap4 ,,page ,i4 ,,the ,,lovers #g ,,ii4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,wife #ai ,,iii4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,husband #cj ,,iv4 ,,the ,,first ,,year ,,of ,,married ,,life #dc ,v4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,home #ef ,,vi4 ,,keeping ,,the ,,house #fd ,,vii4 ,,the ,,truest ,,economy #gb ,,viii4 ,,on ,,keeping ,,up ,,appearances #hj ,,ix4 ,,motherhood #ij ,x4 ,,the ,,son ,,in ,,the ,,home #ii ,,xi4 ,,the ,,daughter ,,in ,,the ,,home #aji ,,xii4 ,,the ,,education ,,of ,,our ,,daughters #aag ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,servant ,,in ,,the ,,home #abh ,,xiv4 ,,religion ,,in ,,the ,,home #acf ,illustration ,,courtship ,,and ,,marriage4 ,i4 ,,the ,,lovers4 ,of this truly gentle art we do not hear a great deal4 ,it has no academies connected with its name1 no learned body of directors or councillors1 no diplomas or graduation honours2 yet curiously enough it offers more enduring consequences than any other art which makes more noise in the world4 ,its business is the most serious business of life1 fraught with the mightiest issues here and hereafter--viz41 the moulding of human character and the guiding of human conduct4 ,it is right and fitting1 then1 that it should demand from us some serious attention1 and we may with profit consider how it can best be fostered and made competent to bless the greatest number1 which1 ,i take it1 is the ultima ,thule of all art4 ,to trace this gentle art from its early stages we must first consider1 ,i think1 the relation to each other before marriage of the young pair who aim at the upbuilding of a home1 wherein they shall not only be happy themselves1 but which1 in their best moments1 when the heavenly and the ideal is before them1 they hope to make a centre of influence from which shall go forth means of grace and blessing to others4 ,i do not feel that any apology is required for my desire to linger a little over that old-fashioned yet ever-new phase of life known as courting days4 ,it is one which is oftener made a jest of than a serious study2 yet such is its perennial freshness and interest for men and women1 that it can never become threadbare2 and though there cannot be much left that is new or original to say about it1 yet a few thoughts from a woman's point of view may not be altogether unacceptable4 ,we are constantly being told that we live in a hard1 prosaic age1 that romance has no place in our century1 and that the rush and the fever of life have left but little time or inclination for the old-time grace and leisure with which our grandfathers and grandmothers loved1 wooed1 and wed4 ,this study of human nature is my business1 and it appears to me that the world is very much as it was--that ,eden is still possible to those who are fit for it2 and it is beyond question that love1 courtship1 and marriage are words to conjure with in the garden of youth1 and that a love-story has yet the power to charm even sober men and women of middle age1 for whom romance is mistakenly supposed to be over4 ,every man goes to woo in his own way1 and the woman he woos is apt to think it the best way in the world2 it would be superfluous for a mere outsider to criticise it4 ,examples might be multiplied2 in the novels we read we have variety and to spare4 ,we know the types well4 ,let me enumerate a few4 ,the diffident youth1 weighed down with a sense of his own unworthiness1 approaching his divinity with a blush and a stammer2 and in some extreme cases--these much affected by the novelists of an earlier decade--going down upon his knees2 the bold wooer1 who believes in storming the citadel1 and is visited by no misgiving qualms2 the cautious one1 who counts the cost1 and tries to make sure of his answer beforehand1--the only case in which ,i believe that a woman has a right to exercise the qualities of the coquette2 then we have also the victim of extreme shyness1 who would never come to the point at all without a little assistance from the other side4 ,there are other types1--the schemer and the self-seeker1 whose matrimonial ventures are only intended to advance worldly interests4 ,we need not begin to dissect them--it would not be a profitable occupation4 ,well1 while not seeking or attempting to lay down rules or offer any proposition as final1 there are sundry large and general principles which may be touched upon to aid us in looking at this interesting subject from a sympathetic and common-sense point of view4 ,most people1 looking back1 think their own romance the most beautiful in the world1 even if it sometimes lacked that dignity which the onlooker thought desirable4 ,it is a crisis in the life of a young maiden when she becomes conscious for the first time that she is an object of special interest to a member of the opposite sex2 that interest being conveyed in a thousand delicate yet unmistakable ways1 which cause a strange flutter at her heart1 and make her examine her own feelings to find whether there be a responsive chord4 ,the modest1 sensible1 womanly girl1 who is not yet extinct1 in spite of sundry croakers1 will know much better than anybody can tell her how to adjust her own conduct at this crisis in her life4 ,her own innate delicacy and niceness of perception will guide her how to act1 and if the attentions be acceptable to her she will give just the right meed of encouragement1 so that the course of true love may run smoothly towards consummation4 ,of course the usual squalls and cross currents must be looked for--else would that delightful period of life be robbed of its chief zest and charm1 to say nothing of the unhappy novelist's occupation1 which would undoubtedly be gone for ever4 ,there have occasionally been discussions as to the desirability of long engagements1 and there are sufficient arguments both for and against2 but the best course appears to be1 as in most other affairs of life1 to try and strike the happy medium4 ,of necessity1 circumstances alter cases4 ,when the young pair have known each other for a long period of years1 and there are no obstacles in the way1 the long engagement is then superfluous4 ,but in cases where an attachment arises out of a very brief acquaintance1 ,i should think it desirable that some little time should be given for the pair to know something of each other before incurring the serious responsibility of life together4 ,of course it is true that you cannot thoroughly know a person till you live with him or her2 yet it is surely possible to form a fair estimate of personal character before entering on that crucial ordeal1 and there is no doubt that fair opportunity given for such estimate considerably reduces the matrimonial risk4 ,that the risk is great and serious even the most giddy and thoughtless will not deny4 ,no doubt both men and maidens are on their best behaviour during courting days2 still1 if a mask be worn1 it must of necessity sometimes be drawn aside1 and a glimpse of the real personality obtained4 ,it is not for me to say what should or should not be the conduct of a young man during his period of probation1 though of course ,i may be allowed my own ideas concerning it4 ,one thing1 however1 is very sure1 and that is1 that if he truly and whole-heartedly love the woman he desires to make his wife1 this pure and ennobling passion1 which ,i believe to be a means of grace to every man1 will arouse all that is best and purest and highest in him1--that is1 if the woman be worthy his regard1 and capable of exercising such an influence over him4 ,it is possible for a man to deteriorate under the constant companionship of a light-minded1 frivolous woman1 who by force of her personal attractions and fascinations can keep him at her side1 even against his better judgment4 ,but only for a time3 the woman who has beauty only1 and does not possess those lasting qualities1 stability of mind and purity of heart1 will not long retain her hold upon the affections she has won4 ,i will do men credit to believe that they desire something more in a wife than mere physical attractions1 though these are by no means to be despised4 ,i am sure every unmarried man hopes to find in the wife he may yet marry a companion and a sympathiser1 who will wear the same steadfast and lovely look on grey days as well as gold4 ,i once heard a young ,scotch working man give his definition of a good wife--,a woman who will be the same to you on off-,saturday as pay ,saturday4 ,nor was he very wide of the mark4 ,i have no sort of hesitation in laying down a law for the guidance of young women during that halcyon time being engaged4 ,she knows very well1 without any telling from me1 that her influence is almost without limit4 ,in these days before marriage the haunting fear of losing her is before her lover's mind1 making him at once humble and pliable1 and it is then that the wise1 womanly girl sows the seed which will bear rich harvest in the more prosaic days of married life1 when many engrossing cares are apt to wean her from the finer shading of higher things4 ,and here ,i would wish to emphasise one inexorable fact1 which is too often passed by or made light of4 ,i do not set it down in a bitter or pessimistic spirit1 but simply stating what men and women of larger experience know to be true3 what a man will not give up for a woman before marriage1 he never will after4 ,therefore no young girl can make a more profound mistake than to marry a man of doubtful habits in the hope of reforming him after she is his wife4 ,the reformation must be begun1 if not ended before1 or the risks are perilous indeed4 ,she will probably repent her folly in sadness and tears4 ,and here ,i would protest1 and solemnly1 against that view1 held by some women1 ,i believe1 though ,i hope they are few3 that a man is none the worse for having been a little fast4 ,it is a most dangerous creed1 and one which has done much to lower the morals of this and other days4 ,let us reverse the position1 and ask whether any man in his right mind will admit as much in regarding the woman he would make his wife4 ,if it is imperative that she should be blameless and pure1 let him see to it that his record also is clean--that he is fit to mate with her4 ,and ,i would implore the mistaken and foolish girls who entertain an idea so false to every principle of righteousness and purity to put it from them for ever1 and exact from the men to whom they give themselves so absolutely and irrevocably1 a standard of purity as high as that set for them4 ,i speak strongly on this subject because it is one on which ,i feel so very strongly4 ,there is no necessity for priggishness or preaching2 the womanly woman1 true to the highest ideal1 the ideal which ,god has set for her1 can surround herself with that atmosphere1 indescribable1 undefinable1 but in the presence of which impurity and lightness of speech or behaviour cannot live4 ,i believe women are our great moral teachers--would that more of them would awaken to the stupendous greatness of their calling6 ,love is the most wonderful educator in the world2 it opens up worlds and possibilities undreamed of to those to whom it comes1 the gift of ,god4 ,i am speaking of love which is worthy of the name1 not of its many counterfeits4 ,the genuine article only1 based upon respect and esteem1 can stand the test of time1 the wear and tear of life2 the love which is the wine of life1 more stimulating and more heart-inspiring when the days are dark than at any other time1--the love which rises to the occasion1 and which many waters cannot quench4 ,blessed be ,god that it is still as possible to us men and women of to-day as to the pair that dwelt in ,eden6 ,illustration ,,ii4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,wife4 ,now having brought our young pair so far on the road1 we must needs go a step farther1 and see what grit is in them for the plain prose of daily life2 not that we admit or hint for a moment that poetry must be laid aside1 only the prose may1 very likely will1 demand their first consideration4 ,if the novels most eagerly read1 most constantly sought after at the libraries and book-shops1 are any sign of the times1 we may feel very certain that marriage has caused no diminution of interest in those looking on1 but rather the reverse1 so we may follow them without hesitation across the threshold of their new home4 ,and as the wife is properly supposed to be the light and centre of the home1 we must first consider her position in it1 and her fitness for it4 ,it is by no means so easy to fill the position successfully as the uninitiated are apt to suppose2 and ,i have no hesitation in saying that the first year of married life is a crucial test of a woman's disposition and character4 ,it brings out her individuality in bold relief1 shows her at her worst and best4 ,she has to give herself so entirely and unreservedly1 and in many cases to merge her individuality in that of another1 that to do it with grace requires a considerable drain on her fund of unselfishness4 ,it is even more difficult in cases where the wife has come from a home where she was idolised1 and perhaps indulged a great deal more than was good for her4 ,it seems to me that one of the most valuable qualities the new wife can take with her is unselfishness4 ,equipped with that1 everything else will come easily4 ,while it is true that she is required1 to a certain extent1 sometimes greater and sometimes less1 to take a back place1 she must be careful not to lose her individuality1 to become merely an echo of her husband1 to render herself insipid4 ,it is a fine distinction1 perhaps1 but necessary to observe1 because ,i am sure there is no man here present1 married or unmarried1 or anywhere else1 unless a fool1 who would wish to be tied for life to a nonentity4 ,the woman who dearly loves her husband will never seek to usurp his place as head of the house2 nay1 she will delight to keep herself in the background if by so doing he can show to more advantage4 ,even if nature has endowed her with gifts more richly than her spouse1 she will be careful1 out of the very wealth of her love1 not to make the contrast observable4 ,it has been said that men prefer as wives women whose intelligence is not above the average2 but is that not a libel on the sex8 ,the higher the intelligence the more satisfactory the performance of the duties required of a reasonable being2 and ,i would therefore insist that the woman of large brain power1 provided she has well-balanced judgment1 and a heart as expansive as her brain1 will more nearly approach the ideal in matrimony than the more frivolous woman1 who has no thought beyond her personal aggrandisement and adornment1 and who buys her new bonnet with a kiss4 ,the woman who looks with intelligent interest upon the large questions affecting the welfare of the world is likely to bring a more wide and loving sympathy to bear upon the concerns of more immediate moment to her1 and which affect the welfare of all within the walls of her home4 ,i am old-fashioned enough to think these latter should be her first concern1 but in her large heart she may have room for many more2 for when the outlook is narrow and mean1 when nothing is deemed of consequence except what affects self and those circled by selfish interest1 life becomes a poor thing1 and human nature a stunted and miserable quality4 ,i have known1 as1 ,i daresay1 you also have known1 women whose whole talk is my home1 my husband1 my children1 until one grows weary of the selfish iteration1 and prays to be delivered from it4 ,we have of late years had much amusing and perhaps1 in some remote degree1 profitable newspaper discussion on the subject of married life1 and the respective merits of wives4 ,on the whole1 the wife1 ,i think1 has fared but badly at the hands of her critics4 ,she is a great grievance to some1 it would appear1 from the minuteness with which her faults and failings have been enumerated4 ,that she may have her uses has been somewhat grudgingly admitted2 that she may in some rare instances sweeten the desert of life for her mate is not absolutely denied2 but in the main she is judged to have fallen short--in a word1 she is not ideal4 ,of course such discussion and such verdict is but the froth on a passing wave2 still1 it serves to illustrate my contention that there is no subject on earth of more surpassing interest to men and women than this very theme we are considering4 ,the men who have written on the subject lay great stress on a loving disposition and an amiable temper1 which are indeed two most powerful factors in the scene of wedded happiness4 ,an amiable temper is a gift of ,god which cannot be too highly prized1 since those who have it not must be constantly at war with self4 ,when combined with these sweet qualities is a large meed of common sense1 which accepts the inevitable1 even if it bring disappointment and disillusionment in its train1 with a cheerful philosophy1 then is the happiness of married life secured4 ,the buffets of fortune cannot touch it--its house is builded on a rock4 ,it is ,lady ,henry ,somerset1 ,i think1 who has said that sentimentality has been from time immemorial the curse of woman4 ,there is a great deal of truth in the remark4 ,we want women to be delivered from this sickly thrall of sentimentality--which word ,i use as distinct from sentiment1 a very different quality indeed2 we desire them to take wider1 healthier1 sounder views of life4 ,in fiction it is no longer considered necessary to bring one's heroine to the very verge of a decline in order to make her interesting2 and nobody now has much sympathy with ,thackeray's favourite ,amelia1 and other limp young women who are dissolved in tears on the smallest provocation1 sometimes on none at all4 ,no1 we want a more robust womanhood than that1 sound of body and sound of mind1 in order that our homes may be happy and well regulated1 our children born and reared fit for the battle of life4 ,a well-known novelist1 lecturing recently on the younger generation of fiction-writers1 remarked that ,robert ,louis ,stevenson1 in ignoring woman so much in his works1 had passed by the most picturesque part of human life4 ,the contention was perfectly unimpeachable from the artistic point of view2 but we aim1 ,i trust1 at being something more than picturesque4 ,while not disdaining the high privilege of giving the romance and sweetness to life1 we would desire also to be strong1 capable1 serviceable to our day and generation4 ,so and so only can we hope to be the equal and the friend of man4 ,but in this worthy aim we have to steer clear of many quicksands2 we must avoid the very semblance of usurpation or imitation4 ,surely we are sufficiently endowed with our own gifts and graces1 so powerful in their influence1 that ,i need not enumerate or expatiate upon them here4 ,let us not forget that in true womanliness is our strength1 and that the end of our being is to comfort and bless and love--never to usurp4 ,what can be more melancholy than to live with a grumbler1 to sit opposite a face prematurely wrinkled at the brows and down-drooped at the lips8 ,i have in my mind's eye1 as perhaps you have in yours1 such a woman1 tied to the best of good fellows1 who1 through no fault of his own1 has not as yet made such headway in life as was expected of him4 ,and his ,nemesis sits at home1 querulous and fretful because her establishment is more modest than her ambition1 her possessions than her pretensions4 ,life is embittered to him2 hope has died3 if love follow it sadly to the bier1 who can blame him8 ,certainly not the woman who has been a hindrance and not a help1 one whose reproaches1 tacit and acknowledged1 have caused the iron to enter into his soul4 ,it is such women who send men to mental and moral destruction1 nor is their punishment lacking4 ,the ideal wife1 then1 will sedulously cultivate the happy spirit of contentment1 and make the best of everything1 not seeking to add to the burden an already overworked husband may have to carry4 ,it is not the abundance of worldly possessions which makes happiness4 ,i can speak from personal experience1 and ,i could tell you a story of a young pair who began life in very humble circumstances1 in the face of much opposition1 and who1 by dint of honest1 faithful1 united endeavours1 overcame obstacles over which ,experience shook her head and called insurmountable4 ,and the struggle being over1 the memory of it is sweet beyond all telling1--the little shifts to make ends meet1 the constant planning and striving1 the simple pleasures won by waiting and hard work1 are possessions which they would not barter for untold gold4 ,the woman who loves and is beloved finds herself strong to bear the ills that may meet her from day to day4 ,we have much to bear physically1 and it is hard to carry always a bright spirit in a frail body2 but we have our compensations1 which are many4 ,they will at once occur to every sympathetic and discerning heart1 but are they not after all summed up in the eloquent words of ,holy ,writ1 ,the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her2 ,her children arise and call her blessed8 ,and these1 after all1 are the heavenliest gifts for women here below1 and the wise woman1 so blessed1 will always feel that her possessions are greater than her needs1 and in her loving service1 for her own first1 and afterwards for all whom her blessed influence can reach1 will as near as possible approach the ideal4 ,with ,god1 tender to ,woman always1 we may safely leave the rest4 ,illustration ,,iii4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,husband4 ,the duties and obligations of the husband in the house are surely not less binding than those of the wife2 he has to contribute his share towards its happiness or misery4 ,the ideal husband1 from a woman's point of view1 is a many-sided creature2 but his outstanding characteristic must of necessity be his power to make the home of which he is the head come as near to the heavenly type as may be in this mundane sphere4 ,however wise and wifely and absolutely conscientious in her endeavour the wife may be1 she cannot unaided make the perfect home--it must be a joint concern4 ,the pity of it is we so often see two1 bound together by the closest and most indissoluble of all earthly ties1 walking their separate ways1 forgetful of both spirit and letter of their marriage vows4 ,this home-making and home-keeping quality is the very wherefore of the man's existence as a husband2 for his home with its shelter1 adequate or inadequate1 is all he has to offer in exchange for the woman who has given him herself4 ,if she be cheated of her birthright here1 she may consider herself poor indeed4 ,there are undoubtedly very many selfish and purely self-seeking women1 who starve the atmosphere about them2 but as a rule the beauty of true unselfishness is oftener found adorning the female character than the male4 ,nobody attempts to deny this1 therefore when we meet a truly unselfish man we must regard him with reverence1 as a being truly great4 ,it is without doubt a more arduous task for a man to cultivate the unselfish spirit1 because the training of the race for centuries has rather tended to the fostering of selfishness in him--woman having for long been cheated of her lawful place and power in the scheme of creation4 ,the quality most of all admired by woman in man is manliness3 she can forgive almost anything but his lack of courage4 ,the manly man1 conscious of his strength1 is of necessity tender and considerate towards those weaker than himself1 and so wins their confidence and love4 ,when he marries1 therefore1 he takes a wife to shield her from the rude blasts of the world2 all that his care and tenderness can do will be done to make lighter for her the ordinary burdens of life4 ,nor will he expect impossibilities1 nor growl because he finds he has married a very human woman1 with a great many needs and wants4 ,angels do not mate with mortals1 the contrast would be too one-sided4 ,it is well with the man who has in his wife not only a bright companion for his days of sunshine1 but who in the crises of his life finds in her heart the jewel of common sense and the pearl of a quick understanding4 ,the wife who comprehends him at once when he says expenditure has been too heavy1 that it must be reduced to meet the altered finances1 and who not only comprehends1 but cheerfully acquiesces1 planning with him how retrenchment can best be carried out2 the wife to whom the lack of the new bonnet or the new carpet is a matter of small moment1--she it is who makes glad the heart of her husband4 ,ay1 but what kind of a husband8 ,he must first deserve this jewel before he can expect her to display those qualities which money cannot buy1 but which prevent marriage from being the failure sundry croakers would have us believe4 ,how is he to deserve her8 how win her to this most desirable height of perfection8 ,by treating her as an entirely reasonable being1 which most women are1 in spite of many affirmations to the contrary4 ,the monetary basis of the engagement matrimonial is not1 unfortunately1 always sound4 ,how common it is for a man to keep his wife in utter ignorance of the state of his affairs1 thus depriving her of the only safe guide she can have in the conduct of her domestic affairs6 ,if a woman is to be a man's true helpmeet1 she must stand shoulder to shoulder with him in everything1 sharing as far as is possible his anxieties and his hopes1 and by judicious expenditure of his means aiding him to the best position it is possible for him to attain4 ,of course there are poor silly creatures fit to be wife to no man1 who do not deserve and could not appreciate confidence1 and who are lamentably ignorant of the value of ,l s4 d4 ,but the majority of wives1 ,i would hope1 possess sufficient common sense to comprehend the simple questions of income and expenditure when candidly placed before them4 ,how delightful1 as well as imperative1 to go into a committee of ways and means periodically1 talking over everything confidentially1 and feeling the sweet bond of union growing closer and dearer because of the cares and worries none can escape1 though love and sympathy can make them light6 ,there is a type of husband--unfortunately rather common--who begrudges his wife1 whatever her character and disposition1 every penny she spends1 even though it is spent primarily for his own comfort1 and who has never in his life cheerfully opened out to her his purse1 whatever he may have done with the thing he calls his heart4 ,this is a very serious matter1 and one which presses heavily on the hearts of many wives4 ,it is hard for a young girl1 who may in her father's house have had pocket money always to supply her simple needs1 to find herself after marriage practically penniless--having to ask for every penny she requires1 and often to explain minutely how and where it is to be spent4 ,i have known a man who required an absolute account of every halfpenny spent by his wife1 and who took from her change of the shilling he had given her for a cab fare4 ,we must pray1 for the credit of the sex1 that there are few so lost to all gentlemanly feeling1 to speak of nothing else2 but it is certain that1 through thoughtlessness as much as stinginess often1 many sensitive women suffer keenly from this form of humiliation4 ,it ought not to be4 ,if a woman is worthy to be trusted with a man's honour1 which is supposed to be more valuable to him than his gold1 let her likewise be trusted with a little of the latter1 without having to crave it and answer for it as a servant sent on an errand counts out the copper change to her master on her return4 ,there are many little harmless trifles a woman wants1 many small kindnesses she would do on the impulse of the moment1 had she money in her purse2 and though she may sometimes not be altogether wise1 she is blessed in the doing1 and nobody is the poorer4 ,however small a man's income1 there are surely a few odd shillings the wife might have for her very own1 if only to gratify her harmless little whims1 and to make her feel that she sometimes has a penny to spare4 ,it is quite desirable1 ,i think1 that there should be1 even where means are limited 7,i am not of course alluding to working people whose weekly wage is barely sufficient for family needs71 some arrangement whereby the wife may have something1 however small1 upon which she can depend1 and which she can spend when and how she pleases4 ,some indulgent fathers1 foreseeing the possibility of their daughters feeling the lack of a little money1 continue their allowance to their married daughters2 but there are very few husbands1 one would think1 who would care to leave their wives so dependent for little luxuries it should be their privilege to supply4 ,the labourer is surely worthy of his hire2 and the wife1 upon whose shoulders the domestic load presses most heavily1 is as justly entitled to her payment as her housemaid1 whose duties are more clearly defined4 ,some high-flown personages may think this a very gross view of the case1 and say1 perchance1 that where love is there can never be any hardship felt4 ,but ,i know that ,i touch upon what is a sore point with many women1 and ,i can only hope that if any stingy husbands read these words they will try a little experiment on their own account1 and see how the unexpected gift of a little money1 offered lovingly1 can bring the light back to eyes which have grown a little weary1 and smooth the lines away from a brow which care has wrinkled before its time4 ,the ideal husband we are considering will also be a home-keeping husband4 ,let me not here be misunderstood4 ,no sensible woman will desire to keep her husband always at her side1 nor can any woman make a more profound mistake than to try and wean the man she has married away from all his old friends and associations4 ,i am speaking of good men1 of course1 whose friends and associations are such as she need not regard with apprehension4 ,yet it is a mistake which many women make1 and it is a common saying with the bachelors who may miss a certain bright spirit from their midst1 ,oh1 nobody ever sees him now1 he's married6 ,and there is a peculiar emphasis on the last word which you must hear to appreciate1 but it signifies that he is as good as dead4 ,now why should this be8 ,the wise wife1 instead of being so small-minded and jealous1 should try to remember that there is a side of man's nature which demands sympathy and contact with his own sex--and also that her husband knew and loved these old friends of his perhaps before he ever saw her4 ,let her try instead to make them all so welcome in her home that they will come and come again1 and instead of pitying her husband because he has got his head into a noose will go away thinking him a lucky fellow4 ,this is not an impossibility4 ,it can be done4 ,but while this husband of ours does not give up his old friends of his own sex1 nor abjure all the manly pursuits and recreations so dear to his soul in his state of bachelorhood1 he will take care that they do not absorb an undue share of his leisure1 but will prefer home and wife to them all1 and let her know it4 ,he will not be above expressing his satisfaction when his home suddenly strikes him with more force than usual as being the sweetest place on earth2 he will say so just as frankly as he finds fault when there is just cause for complaint2 and she will return it by a loving interest pressed down and running over1 or ,i am neither woman nor wife4 ,the ideal husband1 then1 is no more perfect than the ideal wife2 nor would she wish him to be other than he is1 manly1 generous1 kindly-hearted1 well-conditioned1 and1 above all things1 true as steel4 ,that he occasionally loses his temper1 and does many thoughtless and stupid things1 makes no difference so long as his heart is pure and tender and true4 ,the ideal relationship betwixt husband and wife has always appeared to me to be comradeship1--a standing shoulder to shoulder1 upholding each other through thick and thin1 and above all keeping their inner sanctuary sacred from the world4 ,what says one of our greatest teachers in ,romola8--,she who willingly lifts the veil from her married life transforms it from a sanctuary into a vulgar place4 ,these are solemn words1 solemn and true4 ,we have in these strange days too much publicity--the fierce light beats not only on the throne but on the humbler home4 ,the craving for details relating to the private life of those who may in any degree stand out among their fellows has developed into a species of disease4 ,kept within due bounds this curiosity is in itself harmless1 and may be to a certain extent gratified1 but the privacy of domestic life cannot be too sacredly guarded2 the home ought to be to tired men and women a veritable sanctuary where they can be at peace4 ,illustration ,,iv4 ,,the ,,first ,,year ,,of ,,married ,,life4 ,this is the crucial period in the lives of most married people2 the test which decides the wisdom or the folly of the step they have taken4 ,now1 when the irrevocable words have been said1 the vow taken for better or for worse1 and the door shut upon the outside world1 if any mask has been worn it is laid aside and true self revealed4 ,to some this means disillusionment1 and disappointment is inevitable1 since marriage is entered on from a great variety of motives1 and love is not always the first and most potent4 ,with these1 meanwhile1 we do not propose to deal2 their punishment is certain1 since there can be no misery on earth more hopeless and more galling than the misery of a loveless marriage4 ,but even ordinary happy and sensible people1 who have married for love1 and who honestly desire to make their home as far as possible an earthly paradise1 cannot escape the inevitable strain of this first year of married life4 ,to begin with1 it is a trite saying that you cannot know a person until you live with him or her2 and people come to years of maturity have formed habits of thought and action which may1 in some cases must1 clash with those of the other with whom they are brought into contact every day4 ,contact1 too1 from which it is impossible to escape4 ,you meet in business and society many persons with whom you find it difficult to agree1 whose opinions jar upon you1 and who rub you the wrong way1 and you find it irksome enough to meet such a person even occasionally2 imagine1 then1 what it would be like were you placed in1 or forced to endure1 his or her companionship every day4 ,yet such is the experience of some married persons1 who have rushed into matrimony without due knowledge or consideration4 ,but leaving these extreme cases out of the question1 meanwhile let us think of the test of perpetual companionship as applied to an ordinary pair who enter on married life with the ordinary prospect of happiness4 ,during the days of courtship and engagement they1 of course1 saw a good deal of each other1 and got to know1 as they thought1 every peculiarity and characteristic4 ,sometimes1 even1 they had quarrels arising out of trifles1 foolish misunderstandings which caused serious heart-burnings1 none of which1 however1 were of long duration2 and the making up was invariably sweet enough to atone for the temporary misery1 and help to make up the poetry of life4 ,but the lovers' quarrel and the quarrel matrimonial are entirely different2 and while the former is usually but a passing breeze1 the latter is more serious1 and to be avoided almost at any cost4 ,we want fair winds always1 if possible1 to speed our matrimonial barque2 we do not wish its timbers shaken by the whirlwind of passion4 ,we have all our little peculiarities1 excrescences of character which are apt to rub roughly against our neighbours' sensibilities1 let us not1 when feeling these drawbacks1 forget our own4 ,we are so apt to magnify in others1 and to minimise in ourselves4 ,it is easy to be on good behaviour with a person we only see occasionally1 even every day1 so long as the cares and worries of life are in the background1 never obtruded1 however heavily they press1 because these short moments are too precious to be clouded in any way4 ,it is easy to be unselfish for a little while2 to bow1 now and then1 absolutely to another's will2 to suffer discomfort once a week1 if necessary1 to make a dear one comfortable4 ,all such little sacrifices during courting days seem but a privilege1 and make up the poetry of that happy time4 ,but the day comes sooner or later to the married pair1 when the prose pages must be turned1 and poetry relegated to the background1 days on which the reality of life1 in all its grim nakedness1 seems to banish romance1 and when love needs all its strength and staying power for the fight4 ,the common-sense man or woman1 of which type a few examples yet remain with us1 will prepare themselves for the slight disappointments which are inevitable1 when two people1 regarding each other from an adoring distance1 and having invested each other with many exaggerated gifts and graces1 put themselves voluntarily to the test of everyday life1 with all its prosaic details1 its crosses and losses1 its silences and its tears4 ,it is like making a new acquaintance1 having to meet each other in all situations1 and in various unromantic and sometimes supremely trying conditions4 ,edwin pacing his chamber floor anathematising a buttonless shirt is a picture our comic journals have made familiar to us2 and ,angelina in her curl-papers and untidy morning gown looks a different being from the sylph in evening attire all smiles and blushes4 ,these extreme examples serve only to illustrate my contention1 that the closeness of the marriage relation carries its peril with it4 ,to the man or woman1 however1 who marries for that love which is based on the qualities of both head and heart1 and who knows that daily life1 with its rubs and scrubs1 will sometimes mar the sweetest temper and cloud the serenest brow1 there cannot come any serious disillusionment4 ,loving each other dearly1 they remember they are but human2 and as perfection is not inborn in humanity1 they accept each other's faults and shortcomings gracefully1 not magnifying them sourly and grumblingly1 but bearing with them1 and rejoicing in and accepting the good4 ,domestic life to the young and untried housekeeper is something of an ordeal4 ,she may have had her own place in her father's home1 her own special duties to attend to1 even her own share of responsibility4 ,still1 it is an altogether different matter to have the entire care of a household1 to guide all its concerns1 and be responsible for the domestic comfort of all within the four walls of the house4 ,happy the young wife who had a wise mother1 and came well-equipped from the parental home4 ,there is no more fruitful source of the disappointment and disillusionment of which we have been speaking than incapacity on the part of the young wife to steer the domestic boat4 ,all men like creature comforts1 and are more keenly sensible perhaps than women to the advantages of a well-ordered home4 ,we all know how women living alone are apt to neglect themselves in the matter of preparing regular and substantial meals2 and how many suffer thereby4 ,a good dinner is more to a man than it is to a woman2 and1 for my part1 ,i do not see why it should be necessary to sneer at a man because he desires and can enjoy a wholesome1 well-cooked meal4 ,it is a sign of a healthy body and a sound mind1 and the true housewife is never happier than when she caters successfully for the members of her household1 and beholds the hearty appreciation of her labours4 ,it is the custom in certain quarters in these days to decry this special department of woman's work1 and to belittle its importance1 but ,i am old-fashioned enough to hold that one of the most essential points of fitness for the married life in woman is her ability to keep house economically1 wisely1 and successfully4 ,nothing will ever convince me that such fitness is not one of her solemn and binding duties2 in fact1 it is one of the reasons of her existence as a wife4 ,sometimes her worries and perplexities1 at first1 resting entirely on her shoulders1 may give to her tongue an unusually sharp edge1 and she may find it a too serious effort to smile just when her spouse may think it right and fitting that she should4 ,out of what trifles do great issues arise6 ,let not the sun go down upon your wrath4 ,my advice to the young wife when things do not go well with her1 when she grows hot and tired over a weary dinner1 which does not turn out the success she wishes1 or when she has been tried beyond all patience with her help1--my advice is1 ,don't nag4 ,be cheerful4 ,swallow the pill in the kitchen at any cost1 but1 above all1 don't nag6 ,a man will stand almost anything but nagging4 ,don't save up a long string of miseries1 small and big1 to pour on to him the moment he puts his head in at the door4 ,yes1 ,i know all about it--that the day has been long and dreary1 that nothing has gone right1 and you have had nobody to share it2 but ,i want you to let the man have his dinner or his tea in peace before you relate the tale of your woes4 ,it will make all the difference in the world to his reception of it4 ,try to remember that he has had a long day too1 that1 maybe1 he has been nagged and worried in the office1 or the market1 or behind the counter2 and that he left it with relief1 hoping for a little fireside comfort at home4 ,let him enjoy first1 at least1 the meal you have prepared or superintended1 then1 when you both have eaten1 you will be in a better mood for the discussion of the little worries which looked so big and black all day4 ,if they have not disappeared altogether by this time they have at least sensibly decreased in size and number4 ,another thing ,i should like to impress on the young wife1 and that is the absolute necessity of being as fastidious and dainty with her personal appearance after marriage as before4 ,it is a poor compliment to a man to show that you care so little for his opinion as a husband that you can't or won't take the trouble to dress up for him4 ,dear girls1 contemplating the final leap1 ,i want you to understand that you can afford a great deal less to be careless after marriage than before2 because you have now to keep the husband you have won4 ,men like what is bright and cheerful1 and pleasant to behold4 ,so far as you are concerned see that you are never an eyesore4 ,even if you have your own work to do1 there is no necessity why you should be a dowdy or a slattern4 ,even a cotton dress clean and daintily made can be as becoming to you as a robe of silk and lace4 ,it is a great deal more important for you to keep your husband's love and respect than it was to win them as a lover2 because now your stake is greater--in fact1 it is your all4 ,to the husband ,i would say1 ,be kind1 be true1 be appreciative always4 ,if you have to find fault do it gently4 ,there are two ways of doing and saying everything4 ,take time to choose the better1 the kinder1 the more helpful and encouraging4 ,most women are quick to respond to the slightest touch of kindness1 the sunshine their more dependent natures require4 ,see that you1 having taken this young creature from the shelter of a loving parental home1 do not starve her in an atmosphere of cold criticism and fault-finding4 ,remember that she is young1 inexperienced1 ignorant of many things1 and that wisdom walks with years4 ,little things these1 you say8 ,yes1 friend1 but great and far-reaching in their issues even to the wreck or salvation of a human soul4 ,to both in the early days1 ,live near to ,god1--,his blessing alone can consecrate the home4 ,so will your last days be better than your first1 and love be as sweet and soul-satisfying on the brink of the grave1 at the close of the long pilgrimage you have made together1 as in the halcyon days1 when all the world was young4 ,illustration ,v4 ,,the ,,ideal ,,home4 ,a house is not a home1 although it has sometimes to pass as such4 ,there are imposing mansions1 replete with magnificence and luxury1 which if realised would provide the outward trappings of many modest domiciles1 but which offer shelter and nothing more to their possessors4 ,home is made by those who dwell within its walls1 by the atmosphere they create2 and if that spirit which makes humble things beautiful and gracious be absent1 then there can be no home in the full and true sense of the word4 ,while each member of the household contributes more or less to the upbuilding of the fabric1 it is1 of course1 those at the head whose influence makes or mars4 ,a lesser influence may be felt in a degree great enough to modify disagreeable elements1 or intensify happy ones1 but it cannot1 save in very exceptional circumstances1 set aside the influence of those at the head4 ,it is to them1 then1 that our few words under this heading must be addressed2 and1 to reduce it to a still narrower basis1 it is the woman's duty and privilege1 and solemn responsibility1 which make this art of home-making more interesting and important to her than any other art in the world4 ,her right to study it1 and to make it a glorious and perfect thing1 will never be for a moment questioned1 even in this age of fierce rivalry and keen competition for the good things of life4 ,in her own kingdom she may make new laws and inaugurate improvements without let or hindrance1 and as a rule she will meet with more gratitude and appreciation than usually fall to the lot of law-givers and law-makers4 ,she will also find in her own domain scope for her highest energies1 and for the exercise of such originality as she may be endowed with4 ,i do not know of any sphere with a wider scope1 but of course it requires the open eye and the understanding heart to discern this fact4 ,it seems superfluous1 after the chapters preceding this1 to say again that the very first principle to be learned in this art of home-making must be love4 ,without it the other virtues act but feebly4 ,there may be patience1 skill1 tact1 forbearance1 but without true love the home cannot reach its perfect state4 ,it may well be a comfortable abode1 a place where creature comforts abound1 and where there is much quiet peace of mind2 but those who dwell in such an atmosphere the hidden sweetness of home will never touch4 ,there will be heart-hunger and vague discontents1 which puzzle and irritate1 and which only the sunshine of love can dispel4 ,home-making1 like the other arts1 is with some an inborn gift1--the secret of making others happy1 of conferring blessings1 of scattering the sunny largesse of love everywhere1 is as natural to some as to breathe4 ,such sweet souls are to be envied1 as are those whose happy lot it is to dwell with them4 ,but1 at the same time1 perhaps they are not so deserving of our admiration and respect as some who1 in order to confer happiness on others1 themselves undergo what is to them mental and moral privation1 who day by day have to keep a curb on themselves in order to crucify the natural man4 ,it is possible1 even for some whom ,nature has not endowed with her loveliest gifts1 to cultivate that spirit in which is hidden the whole secret of home happiness4 ,it is the spirit of unselfishness4 ,no selfish man or woman has the power to make a happy home4 ,by selfish1 ,i mean giving prominence always to the demands and interests of self1 to the detriment or exclusion of the interests and even the rights of others4 ,it is possible1 however1 for a selfish person to possess a certain superficial gift of sunshine1 which creates for the time being a pleasant atmosphere1 which can deceive those who come casually into contact with him2 but those who see him in all his moods are not deceived4 ,they know by experience that a peaceful and endurable environment can only be secured and maintained by a constant pandering to his whims and ways4 ,he must be studied1 not at an odd time1 but continuously and systematically1 or woe betide the happiness of home6 ,when this element is conspicuous in the woman who rules the household1 then that household deserves our pity4 ,a selfish woman is more selfish1 if ,i may so put it1 than a selfish man4 ,her tyranny is more petty and more relentless4 ,she exercises it in those countless trifling things which1 insignificant in themselves1 yet possess the power to make life almost insufferable4 ,sometimes she is fretful and complaining1 on the outlook for slights and injuries1 so suspicious of those surrounding her that they feel themselves perpetually on the brink of a volcano4 ,or she is meek and martyred1 bearing the buffets of a rude world and unkind relatives with pious resignation2 or self-righteous and complacent1 convinced that she and she alone knows and does the proper thing1 and requiring absolutely that all within her jurisdiction should see eye to eye with her4 ,it is no slight1 insignificant domain1 this kingdom of home1 in which the woman reigns4 ,in one family there are sure to be diversities of dispositions and contrasts of character most perplexing and difficult to deal with4 ,she needs so much wisdom1 patience1 and tact that sometimes her heart fails her at the varied requirements she is expected to meet1 and to meet both capably and cheerfully4 ,if she has been herself trained in a well-ordered home1 so much the better for her4 ,she has her model to copy1 and her opportunities before her to improve upon it4 ,every home is bound to bear the impress of the individuality which guides it4 ,if it be a weak and colourless individuality1 then so much the worse for the home1 which must be its reflex4 ,this fact has1 ,i think1 something solemn in it for women1 and it is somewhat saddening that so many look upon the responsibilities that home-making entails without the smallest consideration4 ,verily fools rush in where angels fear to tread6 ,if they think of the responsibility at all1 they comfort themselves with the delusion that it is every woman's natural gift to keep house2 but housekeeping and home-making are two different things1 though each is dependent on the other4 ,this thoughtlessness1 which results in much needless domestic misery1 is the less excusable because we hear and read so much about the inestimable value of home influences1 the powerful and permanent nature of early impressions1 even if we are not ourselves living examples of the same4 ,let us each examine our own heart and mind1 and just ask ourselves how much we owe to the influences surrounding early life1 and how much more vivid are the lessons and impressions of childhood compared with those of a later date4 ,the contemplation is bound to astonish us1 and if it does not awaken in us a higher sense of responsibility regarding those who are under the direct sway of our influence1 then there is something amiss with our ideal of life and its purpose4 ,illustration ,,vi4 ,,keeping ,,the ,,house4 ,making the home and keeping the house are two different things1 though closely allied4 ,having considered the graces of mind and heart which so largely contribute to the successful art of home-making1 it is not less necessary that we now devote our attention to the more practical1 and certainly not less important1 quality of housekeeping4 ,ignorance of the prosaic details of housekeeping is the primary cause of much of the domestic worry and discomfort that exist1 to say nothing of the more serious discords that may arise from such a defect in the fitness of the woman supposed to be the home-maker4 ,for such ignorance1 or lack of fitness1 to use a milder term1 there does not appear to me to be any excuse2 it is so needless1 so often wilful4 ,some blame careless1 indifferent mothers1 who do not seem to have profited by their own experience1 but allow their daughters to grow up in idleness1 and launch them on the sea of matrimony with a very faint idea of what is required of them in their new sphere4 ,it is very reprehensible conduct on the part of such mothers1 and if in a short time the bright sky of their daughters' happiness begins to cloud a little1 they need not wonder or feel aggrieved4 ,a man is quite justified in expecting and exacting a moderate degree of comfort at least in his own house1 and if it is not forthcoming may be forgiven a complaint4 ,he is to be pitied1 but his unhappy wife much more deserves our pity1 since she finds herself amid a sea of troubles1 at the mercy of her servants1 if she possesses them2 and if moderate circumstances necessitate the performance of the bulk of household duties1 then her predicament is melancholy indeed4 ,to revert again to our ,angelina and ,edwin of the comic papers1 we have the threadbare jokes at the expense of the new husband subjected to the ordeal of ,angelina's awful cooking4 ,at first he is forbearing and encouraging2 but in the end1 when no improvement is visible1 the honeymoon begins to wane much more rapidly than either anticipated4 ,edwin becomes sulky1 discontented1 and complaining2 ,angelina tearful or indignant1 as her temperament dictates1 but equally and miserably helpless4 ,the chances are that time will not improve but rather aggravate her troubles1 especially if the cares of motherhood be added to those of wifehood1 which she finds quite enough for her capacities4 ,true1 some women have a clever knack of adapting themselves readily to every circumstance1 and pick up knowledge with amazing rapidity4 ,if they are by nature housewifely women1 they will triumph over the faults of their early training1 and after sundry mistakes and a good deal of unnecessary expenditure may develop into fairly competent housewives4 ,but it is a dangerous and trying experiment1 which ought not to be made1 because there is absolutely no need for it4 ,it is the duty of every mother who has daughters entrusted to her care to begin early to train them in domestic work4 ,that there are servants in the house need be no obstacle in the way4 ,there are silly domestics who resent what they call the meddling of young ladies in the kitchen2 but no wise woman will allow that to trouble her1 but will take care to show her young daughters1 as time and opportunity offer1 every secret contained in the domestic repertoire4 ,one of the primary lessons to be learned in this housekeeping art is that of method2 viz4--a place for everything1 and a time4 ,it is the key to all domestic comfort4 ,most of us are familiar with at least one household where the genius of method is conspicuous by its absence2 where regularity and punctuality are unobserved1 if not unknown4 ,the household governed by a woman without method is to be pitied4 ,her husband is a stranger to the comfort of a well-ordered home2 and her children1 if she has any1 hang as they grow1 as the ,scotch say2 while her servants1 having nobody to guide them1 become careless and indifferent1 and so suffer injustice at her hands4 ,it is such women who are loudest in complaints against servants1 and who are in a state of perpetual warfare against the class4 ,of course this method must be kept within bounds1 and not carried to excess1 thereby becoming an evil instead of an unmixed good4 ,we are familiar with that other type of women1 who make their housekeeping an idol1 at whose shrine they perpetually worship1 regardless of the comfort of those under their roof-tree4 ,with them it is a perpetual cleaning day1 and woe betide the luckless offender who has the misfortune to mar1 if ever so slightly1 the immaculate cleanliness of that abode6 ,he is likely to have his fault brought home to him in no measured terms4 ,the woman possessed of the cleaning mania1 who goes to bed to dream of carpet-beating and furniture polish1 and who rises to carry her dreams into execution1 is quite as objectionable in her way as the woman who never cleans1 and for whom the word dirt has no horrors4 ,although it is doubtless pleasant to feel assured that no microbe-producing speck can possibly lurk in any corner of the house1 and to be certain that food and everything pertaining to it is perfect so far as cleanliness is concerned1 there is a sense of insecurity and unrest in the abode of the over-particular woman which often develops into positive misery and discomfort4 ,it is the sort of discomfort specially distasteful to the male portion of mankind4 ,although they may be compelled to admit1 when brought to bay1 that cleaning is a necessary evil1 it requires a superhuman amount of persuasion to make them see any good in it4 ,the way women revel1 or appear to revel1 in the chaos of a house turned topsy-turvy is to them the darkest of all mysteries4 ,it is long since they were compelled to treat it as a conundrum1 and give it up4 ,i think1 however1 that1 with few exceptions1 women dislike the periodical household earthquake quite as much as men1 and dread its approach4 ,the housekeeper who considers the comfort of those about her will do her utmost to rob it of its horrors4 ,this can be done by a judicious planning1 and by resort to the method of which we spoke in the last chapter4 ,let ,one room at a time be her motto1 and then the inmates of the house will not be made to feel that they are quite in the way1 and have no abiding-place on the face of the earth4 ,this may involve a little more work1 and a great deal of patience2 but she will have her reward in the grateful appreciation of those for whom she makes home such a happy and restful place4 ,illustration ,,vii4 ,,the ,,truest ,,economy4 ,in these days many new phrases have been coined to give expression and significance to old truths2 thus we hear of the sin of cheapness1 the fault attributed to those shortsighted bargain-hunters who waste time and energy and money hunting the length and breadth of the land for the cheapest market4 ,the true and competent housekeeper knows that there is no economy in this method of marketing1 but the reverse4 ,of course1 where the family is large and the resources limited1 it is absolutely incumbent on the purveyor to seek the most moderate market2 and those of us who dwell in cities know that prices vary with localities1 and that ,west-enders must pay a ,west-end price4 ,but it is reprehensible always to hunt for cheap things simply because they are cheap1 because we ought not to forget that this very cheapness has caused suffering1 or at least deprivation1 somewhere1 since it would appear that some things are absolutely offered at prices under the cost of production4 ,in the matter of food1 so important a factor in the health and well-being of the family1 it can seldom be a saving to buy in the cheap market1 because cheapness there is too often a synonymous term with unwholesomeness2 and a small quantity of the very best will undoubtedly afford more sustenance than an unlimited supply of inferior quality4 ,in small and working-class homes the tea and tinned-food grievance is an old one1 but one which does not appear to be in the way of mending4 ,if the wives and mothers of the working-class could only have it demonstrated to them1 beyond all question1 that a small piece of excellent fresh beef1 made into a wholesome soup flavoured with vegetables1 would give three times the nourishment of this tinned stuff1 which1 good enough as an occasional stand-by1 has become the curse and the tyrant of the lazy and thriftless housewife1 what a step in the right direction that would be6 ,the mere salting and preserving process destroys the most valuable nutritive elements of the meat2 and though it may be tasty and palatable1 it is practically useless as a strength-producer or strength-imparter4 ,milk1 too1 we fear has not its proper place in very many homes where children abound2 though no mother of even ordinary intelligence can shut her eyes to the fact that it is ,nature's own food for her children in their early years1 when it is so important to build up the elements of a strong constitution4 ,i would here put in a plea for oatmeal1 in former days the backbone of my country's food1 and which has of late years fallen sadly into disuse1 especially in quarters where its very cheapness and absolute wholesomeness recommend it as the food par excellence for old and young4 ,we have replaced it with tea and toast1 to the great detriment of limb and muscle and digestive power4 ,it is in the palace now we find oatmeal accorded its rightful place1 not in the cottage2 and the change is to be deplored4 ,regularity in meals is another thing the wise housekeeper will insist upon in her abode4 ,regularity and punctuality1 how delightful they are1 and how they ease the roll of the domestic wheels6 ,a punctual and tidy woman makes a punctual and tidy home4 ,we know the type who dawdles away the forenoon in idle talk or listless indolence1 and rushes to prepare a hasty and only half-cooked meal when perhaps her husband or children are on their way home from school or workshop2 and this is a very fruitful cause of domestic dispeace1 and at the root even of much of the intemperance which has ruined so many homes4 ,if a man has no comfort at his own fireside1 then he is compelled in self-defence to seek it elsewhere4 ,to recur to the question of buying in cheap markets1 the principle that what is good and costs something to begin with will inevitably prove the cheapest in the end is even more clearly demonstrated in the matter of clothing than of food4 ,the best will always wear and look the best1 even when it has grown threadbare4 ,then when we hear so constantly of the appalling misery endured by men and women who make the garments sold in the cheap shops1 we are bound to feel that these things are offered at a price which is the cost of flesh and blood4 ,this is a very pressing question1 and one which many ,christian people do not lay to heart4 ,there appears to be in every human breast the instinct of the bargain-hunter1 and there is a placid satisfaction in having got something at an exceptionally low price which charms the finer sensibilities4 ,to gratify this peculiar and morbid craving1 witness the system of buying and selling which prevails in ,italy2 the shopkeepers there1 with few exceptions1 invariably asking double the money they are willing to accept4 ,and to this craving in our own country is due the system of all cheap sales in the shops1 and mock auctions in the sale-rooms1 in which many a shortsighted person of both sexes fritter away both time and money4 ,it is a rotten system1 and shows that there is great need for reform in this matter of buying and selling1 which occupies so much of our time1 means1 and thought4 ,all good housekeepers know that those who buy in the ready-money market fare best2 and besides1 the paying out of ready-money is undoubtedly a check on expenditure1 and is to be specially recommended to people of small means4 ,it is easy and tempting to give an order1 and though it can no doubt be paid for sooner or later1 somehow the sum always seems to assume larger proportions as time goes on4 ,we very seldom get in a bill for a less amount than we expect4 ,my own view of the case is1 that ,i grudge to pay for food after it is eaten1 or clothes after they are worn2 and in my own housekeeping ,i have found ready-money1 or1 at the outside1 weekly accounts1 the best arrangement1 to which ,i adhere without any exceptions4 ,short accounts1 also1 give one another advantage1 the choice of all markets4 ,thus the money is laid out to the best possible advantage1 and the highest value obtained4 ,all thrifty and far-seeing housekeepers know that it is cheaper to buy certain household stores1 as sugar1 butter1 flour1 soap1 etc41 in quantities1 provided there is a suitable storeroom where the things will be kept in good condition4 ,there are indeed innumerable methods whereby the good housewife can save her coppers and her shillings1 and a wise woman is she who takes advantage of them to the utmost4 ,this art of housekeeping is not learned in a day2 those of us who have been engaged in it for years are constantly finding out how little we know1 and how far we are1 after all1 from perfection4 ,it requires a clever woman to keep house2 and as ,i said before there is ample scope1 even within the four walls of a house 7a sphere which some affect to despise71 for the exercise of originality1 organising power1 administrative ability4 ,and to the majority of women ,i would fain believe it is the most interesting and satisfactory of all feminine occupations4 ,illustration ,,viii4 ,,on ,,keeping ,,up ,,appearances4 ,in these very words lurks a danger likely to beset our young couple1 on the very threshold of their career4 ,all eyes are upon them1 of course2 their house and all it contains1 their way of life1 the position they take up and maintain1 are1 for the time being1 topics of intense concern to all who know them1 and to many who do not4 ,there is no doubt that we need to go back in some degree to the simpler way of life in vogue in the days of our grandmothers2 that pretentiousness and extravagance have reached a point which is almost unendurable4 ,we are constantly being informed by statistics which cannot be questioned that the marriage rate is decreasing2 and we know that in our own circles the number of marriageable girls and marriageable youths who for some inexplicable reason don't marry is very great4 ,what is the reason8 ,is the age of romance over8 is it impossible any longer to conjure with the words love and marriage in the garden of youth8 or is it that our young people are less brave and enduring1 that they shrink from the added responsibility1 care1 and self-denial involved in the double life8 ,my own view is that this pretentiousness and desire for display is at the bottom of it2 that young people want to begin where their fathers and mothers left off1 and that courage is lacking to take a step down and begin together on the lowest rung of the ladder4 ,i have heard many young men say that they are afraid to ask girls to leave the luxury and comfort of their father's house1 and to enter a plainer home1 where they will have less luxury and more care2 and though ,i grant that there are many girls who would shrink from the ordeal1 and who prefer the indolent ease of single blessedness to the cares of matrimony on limited means1 yet have ,i been tempted sometimes1 looking at these young men1 to wonder in my soul whether it was not they who shrank from the plain home and the increased responsibility marriage involves4 ,the salary sufficient for the comfort and mild luxury of one is scarcely elastic enough for two4 ,it would mean giving up a good many things2 it would mean fewer cigars1 fewer new suits1 fewer first nights at the theatre1--in fact1 a general modification of luxuries which he has begun to regard as indispensable2 and he asks himself1 ,is the game worth the candle8 ,his answer is1 ,no4 ,and so he drifts out of young manhood into bachelor middle age1 passing unscathed through many flirtations1 becoming encrusted with selfish ideas and selfish aims1 and gradually less fit for domestic life4 ,and all the time1 while he imagines he has a fine time of it1 he has missed the chief joy1 the highest meaning of life4 ,the conditions of modern life are certainly harder than they were4 ,competition in every profession and calling is so enormous that remuneration has necessarily fallen2 and it is a problem to many how single life is to be respectably maintained1 let alone double4 ,then the invasions of women into almost every domain of man's work is somewhat serious in its consequences to men4 ,a woman can be got to do a certain thing as quickly1 correctly1 and efficiently as a man2 therefore the man goes to the wall4 ,while we are glad to see the position of woman improve1 and the value of her labour in the markets of the world increase1 we are perplexed as to the effect of this better condition of things on the position of men4 ,the situation is full of perplexities1 strained to the utmost4 ,there is no doubt whatever that this improvement in the position of woman1 the increased opportunities afforded her of making a respectable livelihood1 has had1 and is having1 its serious effect in the marriage market4 ,a single woman in a good situation1 the duties of which she has strength of body and strength of mind to perform1 is a very independent being1 and in contrast with many of her married sisters a person to be envied4 ,she has her hours1 for one thing2 there is no prospect of an eight hours' day for the married woman with a family to superintend4 ,then she1 having earned her own money1 can spend it as she likes--and has to give account of it only to herself2 and she is free from the physical trials and disabilities consequent upon marriage and maternity4 ,if you tell her that the sweet fulness of married life1 its multiplied joys1 amply compensate for the troubles1 she will shake her head and want proof4 ,altogether1 the outlook matrimonial is not very bright4 ,now1 while we deplore1 as a serious evil1 hasty1 improvident1 ill-considered marriages1 and hold that their consequences are very sad1 we would also1 scarcely less seriously1 deplore that over-cautiousness which is reducing the marriage rate in quarters where it ought not to be reduced1--our lower middle-class1 which is the backbone of society4 ,there is no fear of a serious reduction in other quarters3 where there is no responsibility felt1 there is none to shirk2 and so1 among the very poor1 children are multiplied1 and obligations increased1 without any thought for the morrow1 or concern for future provision4 ,there is a very supreme kind of selfishness in this over-cautiousness which is not delightful to contemplate1 the fear lest self should be inconvenienced or deprived in the very slightest degree2 and all this does not tend to the highest development of human nature1 but rather the reverse1 since the spirit of self-denial and self-sacrifice is one of the loveliest attributes of human character4 ,that it is possible for two people to live together almost as cheaply as one1 and1 if the wife be careful1 thrifty1 and managing1 with a great deal more comfort1 is hardly disputed2 and surely love is yet strong enough to take its chance of falling on evil days1 and when they come of making the best of them4 ,our girls must exhibit less frivolity1 less devotion to dress and idle amusements1 if they wish for homes of their own2 because at present it is partly true that men are afraid to take the risk and responsibility of them as partners in life4 ,and this brings us back to the heading of our chapter1 the subject of keeping up appearances4 ,this fearful rivalry to make the greatest show on inadequate means1 to outshine our neighbours in house and dress and everything else1 is really a tremendous evil1 the scourge of many middle-class families4 ,and what1 after all1 is its aim or outcome2 what its rewards8 ,to begin with1 it is a pandering1 pure and simple1 to the baser part of human nature--the desire to out-rival your neighbour1 to be able to soar over him at any price2 and more1 it is both hypocritical and immoral4 ,hypocritical1 because it is pure pretence to a station which has no means to support it2 and immoral1 because you cannot afford to pay for it1 and thereby suffering is entailed somewhere and somehow4 ,how many of us number among our acquaintances 7if not absolutely guilty ourselves71 persons who1 possessed of a small and limited income1 live in a large house1 the rent of which is a kind of sword of ,damocles hanging over them for ever8 ,you know them by their hunted1 eager1 restless look1 which tells of inward dispeace1 of worry too great almost to be borne4 ,their servants do not stay long1 perhaps because the larder of the big house is kept very bare1 and comfort is sacrificed to outside show4 ,they never have anything to give away1 and their excuse is that they do not believe in indiscriminate charity4 ,and they look back with a painful longing1 never expressed1 however1 to the days when they lived at peace in a little house1 and had enough and to spare for man and beast1 and a penny for the beggar at the gate4 ,the big house is but one thing2 the struggle to keep up appearances is observed in many other ways--in expensive and not always efficient education of the children1 in party-giving1 extravagant dress1 frequent going out of town1 and many others too numerous to mention4 ,and what1 after all1 is the advantage of it8 ,is there any advantage gained8 ,you may succeed in exciting in the breast of your neighbour a bitter envy which will probably find expression in some such remark as this--,i only hope it is all paid for4 ,and you never will have any peace of mind1 without which the outward trappings are but a mockery4 ,oh1 let us be simpler6 ,let us at least not pretend to be what we are not4 ,in a word1 let us not try to humbug ourselves and the world at large4 ,illustration ,,ix4 ,,motherhood4 ,it is a great theme1 which ,i approach with fear and trembling2 yet--is the home complete without the child8 ,can even an unpretentious book of this sort be written without some attempted treatment of the same8 ,the first year of married life is often very full1 as well as specially trying1 a record of new and very crucial experiences such as are bound to prove the grit of our young housekeeper4 ,she has many things to learn in her new sphere1 both in the department of ethics as well as of housekeeping4 ,she has a husband to study1 for even though they have seen a great deal of each other before marriage1 there yet remains much to learn of many little peculiarities before undreamed of1 which in the full glare and test of daily life sometimes stand out with a certain unpleasant prominence1 which both find trying4 ,there are new tastes to discover and consider1 new likes and dislikes to be studied--in a word1 the situation is a severe ordeal1 especially if our young wife be very young and inexperienced4 ,of course she has an adoring and approving love to aid her1 and all her efforts to please will be appreciated at their full value1 and perhaps a little over1 and that is much4 ,if in addition to all the trying amenities of her new position there be added early in her married life the prospect of motherhood1 with its attendant cares1 anxieties1 and fears1 then our young housekeeper may be granted to have hand and heart full4 ,that it is a prospect full of joy and satisfaction1 the realisation of a sweet and secret hope1 nobody will deny4 ,there are a few women1 we are told1 who do not desire motherhood1 preferring the greater freedom and ease of childless wifehood2 but it is not of such we seek to write1 because the vast majority agree with me that motherhood is the crown of marriage1 as well as the sweetest of all bonds between husband and wife4 ,it is the great1 almost awful1 responsibility of this bond which makes thinking people deplore the prevalence of early and improvident marriage between persons who seem to lack entirely this sense of responsibility1 and who undertake the most solemn duties in the same flippant mood as they go out on a day's enjoyment4 ,the idea that they have in their power the making and marring of a human soul1 to say nothing of the influences which in fulness of time must go forth from that same soul1 does not trouble them1 or indeed exist for them at all4 ,they have no ideas--they never think4 ,if the child comes1 good and well--it has to be provided for2 welcome or unwelcome it arrives2 and is tolerated or rejoiced over as the case may be4 ,we need a great deal of educating on this particular point1 and the fact that a child may have rights before it is born is one which presses home to the heart of every man and woman who may give the matter any serious attention whatsoever4 ,if we marry1 then as surely do we undertake the possible obligations of parentage2 and if we do not see that we are fit physically1 mentally1 and morally for this undoubtedly greatest of all human obligations1 then are we blameworthy1 and answerable to ,god and man for our shortcomings4 ,heroism is a word to stir the highest enthusiasm in every heart1 and we ,britons are not supposed to lack in that glorious quality4 ,while not despising nor making light of that heroism which shows an unflinching front on the battlefield1 or in the face of any danger1 and while recognising also and glorying in that other heroism of which the world hears less1 but which is nevertheless very rich and far-reaching in results--,i mean that brave heart which does not sink under adverse circumstances1 which makes the best of everything1 which can do1 dare1 and suffer for others1 without notice or applause--there is yet another phase of heroism of which the world knows not at all1 but which in my estimation is as great1 if not greater1 than any of these4 ,it is a delicate theme1 and yet in such a book as this are we not justified in touching upon it1 reverently and tenderly as it deserves8 ,there are some--more1 ,i believe1 than we dream of--who1 being afflicted physically or mentally1 and who1 fearing some hereditary moral taint for which they have to suffer1 though entirely blameless1 deliberately abstain from marriage for the highest of all reasons--that they fear to perpetuate in their own children the weaknesses which are already so stupendous a curse to mankind4 ,oh that such examples could be multiplied1 and that we were once thoroughly awakened to the solemn significance of the fact that the sins of the fathers are visited on the children6 ,but when we look around we see the innocent made to suffer daily for the guilty2 we see children whose lives even in infancy are but a burden to them1 and whose later life can only be a cross1 and we pray for a great baptism of light on this painful subject1 for a great awakening to that personal1 individual responsibility which is the only solution of a difficulty which concerns the future and the highest interest of the race4 ,to return to the question of rights as affecting the unborn babe3 the mother has then so much in her power that she can not only determine to a great extent what kind of infancy the child shall have1 but also whether her own duties therein shall be heavy or light4 ,by attending strictly to her own health1 adhering to natural laws1 living simply and wholesomely1 she can almost ensure the bodily health of the child2 and by keeping her mind calm and even1 avoiding worry1 and cultivating cheerfulness and contentment1 she thus moulds the disposition of the child to a far greater extent than she dreams of4 ,the woman who lives in a condition of perpetual nervous excitement and worry before the birth of her child1 who is fretful1 complaining1 impatient of the discomfort of her condition1 need not be much surprised if her baby be fretful and difficult to rear4 ,of course this is all very easy to write down1 and most difficult--in many cases of physical and nervous prostration impossible--to bear in mind2 nevertheless1 it is worth the trial1 worth the self-denial involved1 even looking at it from the most selfish standpoint1 one's own ultimate comfort and ease4 ,the gain to the child is too great to be estimated4 ,and surely taking into consideration the enormous number of miserable1 weakly babies who have never had a chance1 the day of whose birth1 like ,job's1 is sadder than the day of their death1 it is not too much to ask from thoughtful ,christian women1 who at heart feel their responsibility and their high privilege1 that nothing shall be lacking on their part to make the child given to them by ,god a moral1 mental1 and physical success4 ,we are careful in all other departments of life to try and obtain the best--why not here8 ,is human life less precious1 human souls of less account1 than merchandise8 ,i do not see why mothers should not seek to impress upon their daughters1 and fathers upon their sons1 as they approach maturity1 the solemnity and sacredness of such themes1 which involve all that is most important in human life4 ,i consider that the ignorance with which so many young girls are allowed to enter matrimony is nothing short of criminal2 and ,i do not myself see that a plain1 straight1 loving talk from her mother beforehand1 which will prepare her for her new obligations and make them less a surprise and a trial when they come1 can possibly take the edge off that exquisite and delicate purity which we would wish to be our daughters' outstanding characteristic1 and which every right-thinking man desires in his wife4 ,there are many who do not share this opinion1 and hold that the wall of reserve should never be broken4 ,but the issues are great1 and ,i cannot but think that in this case ignorance is more likely to be fruitful of anxiety and foreboding1 to say nothing of mistakes1 than is a little knowledge wisely imparted by those whom experience has taught4 ,illustration ,x4 ,,the ,,son ,,in ,,the ,,home4 ,the son is peculiarly the mother's child1 and the bond between them1 seen at its best1 is one of the loveliest1 and1 to the woman who has suffered for her firstborn1 one of the most soul-satisfying on earth4 ,i suppose most women given choice would wish their firstborn to be a son2 and her pride in the boy as he grows in grace and strength and manliness is a very exquisite thing in the mother4 ,as a rule1 a boy is more difficult to rear4 ,he has more strength of limb and will1 and shows earlier1 perhaps1 the desire to be master of the whole situation1 as very often he is4 ,it is amazing at how early an age a child can begin to discern between the firm will and the weak will of those who guide him1 and to profit thereby2 and she is a wise woman who begins as she means to end1 and who teaches her child that her decision is absolute from the earliest stage4 ,the moment he begins to understand that though you say no a yell will probably convert it into a yes1 your occupation is gone1 so to speak--you have lost your hold1 and ,baby is master of the situation and of you4 ,there is no doubt1 ,i think1 that the woman who has a nurse to relieve her of the child has a better chance than the one who has to fight the battle single-handed--for this reason1 that extreme weariness of body1 which nothing brings about more quickly than the perpetual care of a baby1 is apt to weaken the will2 the desire for peace at any price becomes too great to be resisted1 and so the citadel is lost4 ,it is impossible also for the ordinary woman1 who has the care of a baby all day long1 in addition to a multitude of other duties1 not to become nervous1 irritable1 and excitable1 and the probability is that the child becomes a reflex of herself4 ,i know of no more self-denying and harassing life than that of the mother of many children1 whose limited means prohibit much assistance in her labours4 ,it would require the strength of a ,hercules and the patience of a ,job4 ,yet how many go on from day to day with an uncomplaining and heroic cheerfulness which does not strike the onlooker1 simply because it is so common1 like the toothache1 that it attracts but little sympathy or attention4 ,in one day such a mother may win moral victories beside which the brilliant engagements of the battlefield would pale4 ,it is not one that she has to consider and contend with1 but many2 the diversity of disposition in one family is truly amazing1 and affords a most interesting psychological study4 ,if she be a thoughtful and conscientious woman she knows that she is sowing the seeds of future good and ill1 that early impressions are never erased1 and that her own influence is the one which will leave the strongest1 the most indelible mark on the future of the little ones she has under her wing4 ,to this there is no exception whatever2 it is a fact nobody attempts to dispute4 ,who shall say1 then--who shall dare to say--that a woman's work is slight1 her sphere narrow1 her influence feeble8 ,have we not yet with us the proverb1 ,she who rocks the cradle rules the world8 as true to-day as it was a hundred years ago1 as it will be in a hundred years to come4 ,but though the anxieties and responsibilities of the nursery are great1 they increase1 especially in the case of some1 as the years go by2 though as the boy grows older his mother may be somewhat relieved by the wise guidance of the father4 ,there comes a time when the lad wants to emancipate himself from his mother's jurisdiction1 and begins to look to his father1 seeing in him the image of what he may yet become4 ,he will not love his mother any less1 but he will be impatient a little1 perhaps1 of her careful supervision2 he wants to be a man1 to imitate his father1 to show that he is a being of another order4 ,it is always amusing to look on at this subtle and inevitable change1 but sometimes touching as well4 ,it is the strong soul seeking his heritage1 the first stirring of manhood in the boy1 who will never be other than a bairn to his mother4 ,happy then the mother1 blessed the boy1 who has a good1 wise1 and tender father to take him by the hand1 and show him at this critical stage the beauty of a noble1 pure1 and honest manhood1 and how great is its power to bless the world4 ,there are some men who never grow old1 who1 while doing a man's part better than most in the world1 keep the child-heart pure within them4 ,happy are the children who call them father6 ,the ideal father 7since we are writing of what we all know to be the highest in home relationship1 we may call him so7 will be a boy in the midst of his boys all his days2 he will share the pastimes1 the interests1 the absorbing occupations of his boys1 in the schoolroom and the recreation-ground1 just as he did not disdain to join sometimes in the frolic of the nursery4 ,he will understand cricket and football1 and hounds and hares1 and know all the little points of schoolboy honour1 so that he may at once grasp the situation when his lad brings his grievance or his tale of victory to him4 ,and through it all1 without preaching1 which the soul of the average boy abhors1 he will seek to inculcate the highest moral lessons1 thus accentuating and deepening the teaching of the nursery still fresh in the boy's mind4 ,this is the ideal which we would wish to see in every home1 but the real is rather different1 and sometimes perplexing to deal with4 ,we have seen homes where the boys do not get on with their father1 who seem to rub each other the wrong way1 and to have no sort of kinship with each other--in a word1 who are not chums1 which is a boy's definition of the jolliest possible relationship1 and which is very beautiful existing between father and son4 ,but there are fathers who have no patience with the boy who1 feeling in him the promptings of a larger life1 begins to give himself little airs1 and to adopt a manly and masterful manner2 no sympathy with his desire for freedom2 and who1 instead of wisely guiding all these accompaniments of young manhood into fresh and legitimate channels1 seeks to curb them1 to restrain every impulse1 and to enforce an authority the boy does not understand1 and inwardly1 if not outwardly1 kicks against4 ,i know many mothers who have difficulty in pouring oil on such troubled waters1 and who see that the father and the boy do not understand each other1 and cannot get on--and she is powerless to help4 ,out of this strained relationship many evils may arise4 ,the young heart1 bounding with a thousand buoyant impulses1 eager to see life and taste its every cup1 deprived of sympathy and outlet1 and thrown back upon itself1 becomes reserved1 self-contained1 and morbid4 ,then1 again1 there is a temptation to concealment1 and even to prevarication1 over mere trifles4 ,when censure is feared--and the young heart is fearfully sensitive--little fibs are told to escape it1 and so a great moral wrong is inflicted1 which can undoubtedly be laid at the unsympathetic parent's door4 ,the mother1 by reason of her gentler nature 7to which1 of course1 there are the usual exceptions71 is not so feared1 and is made the go-between4 ,mother1 will you ask father for so-and-so8 is an everyday question in many homes2 and why should it be8 ,why should sympathy and confidence be less full and sweet between father and son than between mother and son8 ,nay1 rather1 it might be fuller1 since the father1 being of the same sex1 can the better understand the boy nature1 making allowance for its failings1 which were also his1 if1 indeed1 they are not in an aggravated form still characteristic of him4 ,some men forget that they have ever been young2 looking at them and witnessing their conduct in certain circumstances1 one finds it difficult to believe that they ever were young4 ,they have been fossils from their birth4 ,that is the grand mistake--to fix such a great gulf betwixt youth and maturity that nothing can bridge it4 ,it is more love1 more sympathy we want2 it is the dearth of it that is the curse of the world4 ,yet how dare we1 being responsible for the advent of the child into the world1 deny him his heritage1 starve his heart of its right to our affection and regard8 ,the ,lord sent him8 ,well1 ,he did undoubtedly1 and ,his commands with the gift4 ,there is no hesitation or ambiguity about the ,lord's mandate regarding little children4 ,in homes where this lovely sympathy exists1 anxiety regarding the moral welfare of the boy is reduced to a minimum4 ,where the youth can come to his mother1 and still better to his father1 in every dilemma1 sure of advice and aid1 he will not go very far wrong4 ,the world is full of pitfalls1 and it is sure nothing short of the grace of ,god can keep young manhood in the right way2 but very certain am ,i that parents have much1 ay1 more than they dream of in their power4 ,let them at least see to it that they do not fall short4 ,let the boy feel that the home is his1 that his friends are welcome to it1 and that he need not go out always to seek liberty and enjoyment4 ,in one word1 let him have room to breathe and to live1 and the chances are that he will repay you by becoming all you could desire even in your fondest dreams4 ,illustration ,,xi4 ,,the ,,daughter ,,in ,,the ,,home4 ,the home is incomplete without the daughter1 the sweet little baby who from the first entwined herself about her parents' hearts2 and who1 as she grows in beauty1 is a source of constant joy and pride1 not quite untouched by anxiety4 ,for when we have educated our sons and done for them all we possibly can1 they can1 as a rule1 stand on their own sturdy legs1 and take their own place in the world1 we looking on with pride if they adorn it well--with sadness if they fall short4 ,we do not love them less1 but they sooner place themselves beyond our jurisdiction1 and responsibility concerning them is sooner at an end4 ,with the daughters it is different4 ,as the old rhyme says-- ,a son is a son till he gets him a wife1 ,a daughter's a daughter to the end of her life1 words which just express the whole situation4 ,even after she marries our anxiety and loving concern for her in her new sphere quite equals the old2 her little children1 reminding us of what she was once to us1 are dear to us in a way our son's children can never be4 ,it seems a strange anomaly1 yet will most mothers bear me out in what ,i say4 ,a home where there are many boys and no girls is a jolly1 healthy1 happy household enough1 but it lacks something1 a gentler element1 which the boys miss keenly1 though they may not even be conscious of it4 ,it is a great misfortune for boys to have no sisters1 because in the family circle1 where they grow up side by side1 they acquire a knowledge of girl-nature which is invaluable to them when they begin to take an interest in that interesting personage1 another fellow's sister4 ,and vice versa--girls brought up in a brotherless home have no opportunity of studying boy-nature1 and are apt to take a very prim1 narrow view of the same4 ,the ideal family is the one judiciously mixed1 where boys and girls rub shoulders and carry on their little campaigns1 entering into each other's pursuits and being chums all round4 ,it is good for both4 ,as ,i said before1 girls1 even in infancy1 are more easily managed and reared than boys1 the usual exceptions being allowed2 and the same may be said of them as they grow older4 ,they are more docile1 more amenable to control1 and their animal spirits1 dependent on bodily organisation1 are not usually so obstreperous4 ,it is astonishing how soon a little girl becomes a companionable creature2 she develops at a much earlier age than her brothers4 ,of course there are great differences4 ,we have the tomboy1 never still1 more interested in her brothers' pranks than in the sober frolics of girls--dolls have no charm for her2 yet the curious thing is that the tomboy has been known to develop into the extraordinarily successful wife and mother1 her very energies of mind and body1 when mellowed by experience1 proving invaluable to her in her new sphere4 ,i have often thought that an interesting article might be written on the place and power of dolls in the early life of women2 it is such an interesting study to watch the different grades of interest taken in them by different children4 ,to some they are real flesh and blood1 treated as such1 fondled over and considered quite as much as any living baby1 invested with aches and pains1 tempers and troubles1 and subjected to a regular system of reward and punishment2 while to others they are mere toys1 which serve only to beguile the tedium of a rainy day4 ,then there are the few who regard them as mere objects for scorn and hatred2 and when they do not ignore them1 maltreat them mercilessly4 ,the small girl who hates dolls1 and dubs them as stupid things1 is apt to be a little troublesome to amuse1 though it is also quite possible that she may possess a very original mind1 which strikes out a new path even in amusement for itself4 ,some little boys who afterwards became good and noble men have not disdained dolls as a baby amusement1 and you generally find that the small boy who takes a kind interest in his sister's dolls1 and who does not spend his leisure in concocting schemes for their torture and dismemberment1 has the fatherly instinct very strongly developed1 and will in his own home be tenderly devoted to his children4 ,boys ought to be taught early the beauty of little kindly attentions and thoughtfulness for others4 ,on no account ought their sisters to be allowed to fetch and carry for them4 ,there may be a system of mutual obligation if you like1 but boys of a certain age are apt to become very arbitrary1 and to consider their sisters in the light of body servants4 ,by allowing boys to order their sisters about1 to bring them things and give in always1 you foster a spirit of selfishness1 which grows tyrannical as the years go by1 and paves the way for some domestic discomfort in a future home which will be beyond your jurisdiction4 ,they tell us the age of chivalry is dead2 and really manners do not seem to be as they were4 ,the changed order of things concerning women1 who are no longer cooped up within the four walls of a house1 and told that that is their sphere spelled with a very big ,s1 but who are pushing their way steadily to the front in every walk of life1 no doubt partly accounts for this2 still the lapse of that old-fashioned and gracious courtesy of men to women is to be deplored1 and ,i cannot but think that we who have raw material to work upon in the nursery might do something to restore it4 ,we cannot afford to lose any of the graces of life4 ,heaven knows things are reduced to a prosaic enough level with us in these days1 when the fret and fever seem to leave time for nothing but the barest realities4 ,as we have already admitted that early impressions and early training never quite lose their hold1 so if we teach our boys to be gracious1 courteous1 considerate always to their sisters because they are little women1 some women of a later date will be grateful to us4 ,the very advanced of our sex have been known to disclaim any desire for such consideration2 they want none from the opposite sex1 but only room to fight the battle side by side2 but we who do not wish to see life robbed of all its grace and courtliness would respectfully insist that this reserve should not be entirely dispensed with4 ,we still like a man to take off his hat to us in the street1 instead of jerking his head on one side2 we have no objection to the inside of the pavement or the most comfortable seat in carriage or tram1 for which we have still a word of appreciative thanks left1 though we may thereby show how far we are left behind in the race4 ,i wish to make myself very clear4 ,we do not want our girls to be namby-pamby1 selfish1 silly creatures1 who imagine it is interesting and fascinating to pose as weak1 dependent1 fluttering creatures2 but neither do we want our sons to be boors1 and it is in the home where manners as well as morals are formed4 ,so let us not despise the little courtesies which do so much to sweeten daily intercourse1 but teach them to the children from the beginning1 so that to be chivalrous1 courteous1 gentle to rich and poor1 gentle and simple of both sexes1 will become as natural for them as to breathe4 ,illustration ,,xii4 ,,the ,,education ,,of ,,our ,,daughters4 ,even a very young daughter can be of use to her mother1 and her influence felt in the house1 if she is taught how4 ,of course1 the first concern1 when our little maid gets out of the nursery1 is that she should be educated1 and her mental powers have the best possible chance of being brought to their full power4 ,the education of our girls is one of the great questions of the day--engrossing the interest of those in the highest places2 and a healthy sign of the times it is4 ,for since it is upon the women of to-day that the future of the race depends1 what could be of greater importance than that all her powers1 physical1 mental1 and moral1 should be brought as near perfection as possible8 ,do ,i of a set purpose mention the physical first8 ,yes2 because the older ,i grow the more it comes home to me that unless we have sound and healthy bodies we can but poorly serve our day and generation4 ,therefore the food the children eat should be one of our chief studies and concerns2 because if we can send them out into the world with constitutions built upon a sure and common-sense foundation1 it is the best possible service we can render them2 and one for which they and theirs will be grateful always4 ,this question of education is rather a perplexing one1 which gives parents a great deal of anxious thought4 ,the present system is undoubtedly a great improvement upon any we have had heretofore1 and yet it seems to leave something to be desired4 ,in the board schools1 where the bulk of the lower middle-class children are educated1 and where tuition is very excellent and thorough1 there is yet this drawback1--all are sought to be raised to one dead level1 the passing of so many standards being imperative1 nor any consideration given to individual capacity or fitness4 ,the inevitable result of this is that the teacher is bound to concentrate his attention on the dull pupils1 in order to get them dragged up to the required standard1 the bright ones being left pretty much to their own devices4 ,however much he may deplore this1 he cannot help himself1 since it is upon his percentage of passes that his status as a teacher1 to say nothing of his salary1 depends4 ,therefore in some respects the old system of parochial teaching had its advantage over the new4 ,but it is very specially of the education of the girls we wish to speak1 and it is gratifying to observe that many parents are awaking to the absurdity of insisting that their daughters shall acquire a superficial knowledge of certain accomplishments1 whatever the bent of their minds4 ,how much money1 to say nothing of precious time1 has been sacrificed in the vain pursuit of music1 that sweetest of the arts2 which is so often desecrated and tortured by unwilling and unsympathetic votaries4 ,it very soon becomes evident whether the child has an aptitude for music or not2 and if she has not1 but finds the study of it an imposition and a trial1 what is the use of forcing her to such unwilling drudgery1 when very likely she possesses some other aptitude1 the cultivation of which will be both profitable and pleasant8 ,how many girls upon whom pounds and pounds have been spent never touch the piano when they are emancipated from schoolroom control2 and how much more usefully could both time and money have been employed in the pursuit of something else6 ,mothers are beginning to see this1 and it is a welcome awakening4 ,so long as our young maiden is occupied with school and lessons1 she has not time to learn much else1 since it is imperative that she has recreation likewise2 it is when she leaves school that the wise mother1 having an eye to the future1 will at once seek to initiate her into the mysteries of housekeeping4 ,true1 she may never have a home of her own2 she may be one of those called to labour1 perhaps1 in the very forefront of the working women outside2 but all the same she ought not to be ignorant of what used to be considered the chief1 if not the only occupation for women1--she ought to be fit to keep house on the shortest notice4 ,it is a woman's heritage4 ,whatever she may or may not know1 ,i hold that she ought to acquire a certain amount of domestic knowledge1 whether she uses it or not4 ,most young girls are interested in domestic affairs1 and are never happier than when allowed to have their finger in the domestic pie2 but in this as in other things a thorough grounding is the most satisfactory4 ,it is astonishing what undreamed-of qualities a sense of responsibility awakens in a young soul2 how the very idea that something depends on her1 that she is being trusted1 puts our little maid upon her mettle4 ,therefore it is a good plan to leave to a young daughter some particular duty or duties for which she is entirely responsible4 ,this may of course be a very slight thing to begin with--the dusting of a room1 or the arrangement of flowers or books1 or the superintendence of the tea-table2 but whatever it is1 the mother should insist that it be done regularly and at the appointed time4 ,thus will she teach her child punctuality and a primary lesson in a method1 which is the key to all perfect housekeeping4 ,of course it is a little trouble to the mother to superintend the performance of such little duties1 but she will have her reward in the daily increasing helpfulness of the daughter in the home4 ,most young girls1 if skilfully dealt with1 speedily learn to take a special pride in their own little duties1 especially if their efforts be met with appreciation4 ,never snub a child2 the young heart is very sensitive1 and takes a long time to forget4 ,little changes in the domestic routine will be introduced by the wise mother1 in order that the work may not become irksome4 ,where there are several daughters1 it is a good plan for them to exchange their particular duties for a time4 ,thus1 one may assist with the cooking for a week1 then change with her sister who has the care and arrangement of the drawing-room or sitting-room1 or with the one who helps with the mending4 ,so the daily round would never become monotonous1 and by gradual and pleasant degrees a knowledge of the whole system of housekeeping is acquired1 which will be simply invaluable to her1 whatever her future may be4 ,if the family circumstances demand that she shall go out into the world to earn her living by teaching or typewriting or shopkeeping1 the wise mother will not for this reason relax her desire and effort to teach her the art and mystery of housekeeping4 ,true1 while she is occupied outside she has little opportunity to learn it1 but where there's a will there's a way2 and though it may not appear at present of much practical value to her1 yet she may marry1 or have to go to single housekeeping1 when the home is no longer open to her4 ,i again insist that it is every woman's duty to know1 or to acquire some practical knowledge of housekeeping1 so that she may be ready for any emergency4 ,her fitness for it will be a perpetual source of satisfaction to her1 for there is nothing more self-satisfying than to feel that one is capable2 it gives confidence1 strength1 and self-reliance4 ,one of the very necessary lessons to be taught a young girl is the value of money4 ,the sooner she learns what equivalent in household necessaries money can procure the better4 ,the day may come when the tired mother will be glad to be relieved even of the responsibility of spending1 and when1 thanks to her own wisdom and foresight1 she can place the family purse in younger hands1 knowing that the contents will not be recklessly or extravagantly spent4 ,let our young maiden feel that she is entirely trusted1 and that a great deal is expected of her1 then will she display qualities undreamed-of4 ,she will be eager to show what she can do2 and when the word of encouragement and appreciation is not lacking she will be proud and happy indeed4 ,of course there are perverse natures1 of whom one is tempted at times to despair--irresponsible young persons who would make wild havoc in any establishment left to their care2 but ,i am speaking of the average young girl1 who may be expected to be thoughtless and forgetful often1 as is the way of youth1 but who nevertheless has the makings of a fine1 gentle-hearted1 noble woman in her4 ,what shall we do with our daughters8 is one of the great questions of the day4 ,formerly marriage was their only destiny2 if they missed that1 they were supposed to have missed all that was worth the winning here4 ,but that old fallacy is exploded4 ,while still holding that in happy marriage is to be found the fullest and most soul-satisfying life for women1 no open-eyed person will deny that a single1 independent1 and self-respecting life is far preferable to the miserable1 starved1 inadequate wifehood to which many women are bound4 ,having dealt in a former chapter with the question of matrimony1 ,i must here avoid repetition1 but in connection with this subject of our daughters we must touch upon it once again4 ,the wise mother will rear her daughters to be independent1 self-respecting1 and1 if possible1 self-supporting2 not hiding from them that she considers a real marriage 7not the mockery of it so often seen7 the highest destiny for them1 but at the same time impressing on them that there are other spheres in which women may be as happy and comfortable1 and where they will certainly have less anxiety and care4 ,the woman who trains her daughters in the belief that marriage is their only end and aim1 the very raison d'etre of their being1 is a mistaken1 despicable creature1 and in all probability her daughters will take after her4 ,if they do not marry1 then what is to become of our daughters8 ,of late years their path of life has opened up more widely and clearly1 and though the avocations open to women are very crowded there is still room for the best equipped4 ,that is the secret1--to bring to the market the highest value only1 to render oneself as efficient as nature and circumstances permit4 ,i would have our girls fully comprehend that in this age of unprecedented strain and stress there is absolutely no room for mediocrity1 and that they cannot afford to be anything but the most efficient workers in whatever department they have made their own4 ,there is still room for the best1 and persevering1 conscientious labour1 worth the highest market value1 sooner or later meets its due appreciation and reward4 ,illustration ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,servant ,,in ,,the ,,home4 ,any little book attempting to treat of home-life must necessarily be incomplete without some reference to the place and power of the servant therein4 ,we housekeepers all know that this servant question is just as pressing as any upon which we have yet touched1 and it is one that is with us every day4 ,we cannot rid ourselves of it1 even if we would1 because it involves so much of our domestic comfort and happiness4 ,we of modern days are filled with a vague envy when we read of such treasures as ,caleb ,balderstone1 ,bell of the ,manse1 and various other types of a class now1 we fear1 extinct--the faithful servitor1 who lived in the service of one house for generations and desired to die in it4 ,perhaps such types had their drawbacks likewise1 and sometimes presumed past endurance1 doing what seemed good in their own eyes1 and that alone4 ,but all that could be forgiven1 because1 weighed in the balance with a lifelong devotion and loyalty and love1 they were as nothing4 ,a few ,calebs and ,bells undoubtedly still exist1 but the bulk of modern housekeepers know them not1 and regard them as pleasant creatures of fiction1 impossible to real life4 ,are servants really less efficient1 less conscientious1 less diligent than they were8 ,or is it that we expect and exact more8 ,modern life has undergone such a tremendous change1 there have been so many upheavals in relative positions1 that we are inclined to think domestic service is now regarded from a very different standpoint than it was fifty1 or even twenty1 years ago4 ,it is no longer regarded as honourable2 those who enter it seem to do so under protest1 the result being a most unsatisfactory relation within doors4 ,some blame education for this2 and yet it seems hard to believe that education1 the pioneer of progress everywhere and in all ages1 should be responsible for such a distorted view4 ,some will tell us that this very dissatisfaction is a sign of the times1 indicating the march of progress towards the time when all men shall be equal1 and no more lines of demarcation shall be drawn4 ,never were wages higher2 never1 ,i am very sure1 were domestic servants treated with more consideration and respect2 and yet the fact remains that girls prefer almost any other occupation to it4 ,they will stand for hours behind a counter1 suffering untold tortures from exhaustion and insufficient food1 content to receive a mere pittance1 and subjected to a system of espionage and bullying far harder to bear than anything found in domestic service2 and they will give you as their reasons1 in general1 these3 ,it is more genteel1 they have their evenings and their ,sundays free1 and they are not required to wear the livery of cap and apron4 ,these are the reasons1 then2 what are we to make of them8 ,can we make domestic service more genteel2 give evenings and ,sundays free2 and are we willing to dispense with the badge distinguishing maid from mistress8 ,these are the questions we have before us1 waiting an answer2 in that answer perhaps may be found the solution of the whole stupendous difficulty4 ,i write under one disadvantage4 ,i have never been a domestic servant1 and ,i cannot therefore look at the situation from that particular standpoint2 but ,i have had for some years servants under my roof1 and ,i have my own experiences of these years to guide me from the mistress's point of view4 ,during these years ,i can truthfully say that ,i have most conscientiously1 kindly1 and systematically done my best to make them happy2 that ,i have considered them very often at the expense of my own comfort2 and though ,i have had no startling experiences whatsoever1 ,i am bound to admit that the result on the whole is not particularly encouraging4 ,i have seldom found that corresponding consideration1 that devotion to my concerns1 that warm personal interest1 which make one feel that one has friends in the household4 ,i have had my pound of flesh1 nothing more2 they have done the work for which they have been paid1 sometimes well1 but often carelessly2 and that is all4 ,when it came to a question of personal consideration1 of caring for my substance1 looking after my interests as ,i have honestly tried to look after theirs1 ,i have been disappointed1 and now ,i expect no more1 thankful if ,i have average comfort1 and do not have my nerves and temper tried a hundred times a day4 ,this ,i suppose is the experience of two-thirds of the women who may read this book4 ,nobody feels more keenly than ,i do the monotonous drudgery of a servant's life4 ,day in1 day out1 the same weary round2 and while the same may be said of all workers1 in whatsoever estate they may find themselves1 yet is the lot of the domestic servant notoriously a dull routine4 ,i often wonder1 indeed1 that without that element of personal interest which is the only thing to make the multitudinous and weary round of household duties sweet1 or in any way tolerable1 she should do it half so well2 but1 on the other hand1 when one thinks of her absolute freedom from care1 sordid or otherwise1 a feeling of impatience is bound to arise4 ,all found is a comprehensive phrase1 and it is those who have to find it who have the care1 the thought1 the anxious planning4 ,how1 then1 can we establish a better understanding between mistress and maid1 how lift this question to its highest platform1 and render the service one which will be honoured and sought after1 instead of despised1 and entered on under compulsion1 or as a last resource8 ,i confess1 for once1 ,i am baffled completely1 and beyond redemption4 ,i have thought of it long and earnestly1 have done my best with my own opportunities1 and ,i have no glorified results to offer4 ,i am as others1 worried and often weary1 and grateful for every small mercy that comes in my way4 ,it seems to me that we want to enlarge our own minds and the minds of those we take into our employ2 we need a wider vision1 which shall lift us clean above mere petty and selfish concerns4 ,that is a baptism we all need4 ,when shall it descend8 ,i am forced to this conclusion--that it is this question of all others that is absolutely dependent on the grace of ,god4 ,we must have the true spirit of ,christianity in our kitchens and in our drawing-rooms1--that spirit whose gracious teaching is never ambiguous or difficult to understand2 in a word1 there is nothing but the ,sermon on the ,mount will do us any good4 ,of human preaching1 teaching1 and writing we have enough and to spare--it does not appear to go home1 or to bear any practical fruit4 ,we can only pray that ,he1 whose great heart is open now as it was then to every human need1 will help us to realise our responsibility to each other1 will give us new lessons in the law of love1 and show us that service is the highest form of praise1 and that nothing is really small or mean or despicable1 except sin and the littleness of human aims4 ,all work is honourable1 nay1 it is the highest calling on earth4 ,it can only be dishonoured in the doing4 ,if each one1 master and man1 mistress and maid1 could adopt this attitude towards their daily duty to the world and to each other1 there would be found the solution of the problem vexing the souls of so many at the present day4 ,illustration ,,xiv4 ,,religion ,,in ,,the ,,home4 ,perhaps this chapter might more appropriately have been placed at the beginning of the book than at the end1 seeing we have in it the root of the whole matter1 the key to all happiness1 fitness1 comfort1 and peace4 ,religion is a word much misunderstood1 yet it is given to us in the ,epistle of ,st4 ,james in the clearest1 most intelligible language1--,pure religion and undefiled is to visit the widows and the fatherless in their affliction1 and to keep himself unspotted from the world4 ,it always seems to me that the former part of the injunction is easier than the latter4 ,there is so much in the world with which we must combat1 so much that1 though we can avoid in one sense1 comes so very near to us1 that it is well-nigh impossible to keep ourselves unspotted4 ,but though there is a great deal of evil around us1 we must not be such cowards as to shrink from facing it1 and shut ourselves up in selfish safety1 lest it should come near us at all4 ,this is not what the ,apostle means1 for it is possible to be in the world and yet not of it1 it is written too that to the pure all things are pure4 ,what we have to do is to see that in our inmost thoughts we are pure1 not giving lodgment in our mind to any unholy thing which if revealed would bring the blush of shame to our cheek4 ,but in the high standard of personal purity1 which we may rightly set up for ourselves1 let us not be too arrogant1 or forgetful that such as fall away from purity may have been subjected to such terrible temptations as we know nothing of4 ,let us cultivate more of that ,divine compassion towards them which ,christ showed of old towards the ,magdalene4 ,it is in matters of such immediate and personal interest that the spirit of the religion we profess is to be exhibited1--in a word1 we must consecrate all to the high service ,god requires of us1 honouring us in the requirement4 ,we are placed in this world to be happy and useful2 and though we are reminded many times by personal sorrows and bereavements that we have no continuing city here1 yet the knowledge need not make us gloomy1 or restless1 or dissatisfied4 ,in this lovely world1 so full of beauty and variety1 we are bidden to rejoice2 it is for our enjoyment and our use1 there is no stint or condition attached to our citizenship of ,god's earth4 ,nature is mother to all1 and has a message for the meanest and most tried of her children2 and it is a message of divinest love4 ,through ,nature1 ,his handmaid1 ,god speaks to us1 giving us in the dawn of each new day1 in the return of each season1 in the shining of the sun and the blessing of the rain1 grand and practical lessons in faith1 fulfilment of promises which should mean a great deal to us1 and teach us more and more to trust ,him in all and through all4 ,while we are in the world we have a duty to it1 and those who neglect or think lightly of the practical and commonplace requirements of daily life are in the wrong4 ,what is needed is a deepened sense of responsibility concerning the charge ,god has given us to keep for ,him1 in the house1 the workshop1 or the busy mart of life4 ,it is with the home we have presently to deal2 and it is in the home1 ,i think1 we need certainly1 in as great a degree as elsewhere1 all the aid and stimulus religion can give4 ,it teaches us to make the very best of all our circumstances1 adverse or pleasant2 and aids us to the performance of all duties1 however monotonous or irksome in themselves4 ,it is not ours to inquire whether these duties are just what we would desire or choose for ourselves1 had choice remained with us4 ,religion does not consist in the performance of religious ordinances1 in conscientious reading of the ,word or the utterance of its formal prayers2 these are its attributes1 its natural outcome1 not by any means the thing itself4 ,religion is1 ,i take it1 to be a principle1 a powerful guiding motive to direct us in the ordinary affairs of life1 and its mainspring is love4 ,love for whom8 ,for the ,lord ,jesus4 ,and if we love ,him1 and truly desire to serve ,him1 it will be no difficulty for us1 but a natural and exquisite result1 that we love one another4 ,even the enemies of ,christ1 who deny ,his divinity1 admit the beauty and perfectness of ,his character1 and the unselfishness and holiness of ,his earthly life4 ,since these three-and-thirty years ,he walked with men many new ,christs have risen1 many new creeds and dogmas been offered for the world's acceptance2 but all have passed away1 disappeared into nothingness1 and ,christ remains1 the mainstay and salvation of human souls4 ,his teaching is still the very best we can obtain for our guidance here4 ,take the ,sermon on the ,mount1 for instance4 ,how perfect it is1 how comprehensive1 how full of little things1 and yet how wide-reaching in its limit6 ,there is nothing forgotten2 nearly nineteen hundred years old1 and yet it is adapted for every need of the human soul4 ,if we could get the spirit of that blessed teaching more firmly planted in our hearts1 we could make the world a happier place for ourselves and others4 ,we are all fond of laying plans for the future2 and there are few of us who do not at least once a year review the past1 and make new resolves for the future4 ,some of us are constantly taking retrospects1 and sometimes feel hopeless4 ,we seem to be making so little progress in that higher life which we desire1 and strive after in some degree4 ,in a twofold sense this looking back may be made profitable to us4 ,it must always1 unless we are very hard of heart1 make us grateful for past mercies2 and when we consider how wonderfully and tenderly we have been led through difficulties and trials1 or dangers1 or guided through the more perilous waters of prosperity and success1 it will give us greater heart to go forward to whatever may lie before us4 ,when we look back on lost opportunities1 it must make us more watchful of those present with us1 and help us to give to each new day as it comes something upon which we shall afterwards look back without regret4 ,the older ,i grow the more strongly do ,i feel that religion is a matter of daily living--of practice1 not precept2 and that unless the ,spirit of ,christ animate us in all our relations one to the other we name ,his name in vain4 ,and what a lovely spirit it was1 unsullied by any trace of selfishness1 gentle1 forbearing1 long-suffering1 just to the last degree6 ,it is this spirit alone that can sanctify and bless the home1 and raise all common life out of a sordid groove2 that can make homely things beautiful1 and hard things1 of which so many meet us on life's road1 easier to bear4 ,oh that we had a larger baptism of it2 that we who so long and strive for it could have it always with us6 ,human nature is so perverse1 and self so strong4 ,yet1 even in its weakest efforts1 this earnest desire to live the religion ,christ has taught us will not go unblessed1 but will make its little lesson felt wherever it is found4 ,because it makes us more self-denying1 more charitable1 more forbearing in every relation of life1 it will make others inquire concerning the hope that is in us4 ,in hidden and unnoticed ways2 ,in household work1 on common days1 we may do the ,master's work1 and make our homes altars to ,his glory4 ,we want less talk and more action1 less precept and more example1 which though reticent of speech is yet eloquent in testimony for good or for evil4 ,so1 whatever be our lot or circumstances1 whatever our joys and sorrows1 our losses or crosses1 we may with confidence look ahead1 and our great compensation will not be lacking--,she hath done what she could2 and again1 ,well done1 good and faithful servant3 enter thou into the joy of thy ,lord4 ,printed by ,hazell1 ,watson1 ,viney1 ,ld41 ,london and ,aylesbury4