,transcriber's note3 ,the author's spelling has been maintained4 signs around words indicate the use of a different font in the book4 ,in the word ,puranic1 the a is overlined in the book4 ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,happy ,,though ,,married4 ,,press ,,notices ,,on ,,the ,,first ,,edition4 ,if wholesome advice you can brook1 ,when single too long you have tarried2 ,if comfort you'd gain from a book1 ,when very much wedded and harried2 ,no doubt you should speedily look1 ,in ',how to be ,happy though ,married6'--,,punch4 ,we strongly recommend this book as one of the best of wedding presents4 ,it is a complete handbook to an earthly ,paradise1 and its author may be regarded as the ,murray of ,matrimony and the ,baedeker of ,bliss4--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 ,the author has successfully accomplished a difficult task in writing a clever and practical book on the important subject of matrimony4444 ,this book1 which is at once entertaining and full of wise precepts1 deserves to be widely read4--,morning ,post4 ,an entertaining volume4444 ,the new guide to matrimonial felicity4--,standard1 ,leader4 ,a clever1 readable1 and entertaining book4444 ,this delicious book4--,literary ,churchman4 ,this most elucidatory treatise4444 ,as a 'companion to the honeymoon1' this orange blossom1 true-love-knot ornamented volume should no doubt be highly esteemed4--,whitehall ,review4 ,the book is tastefully got up1 and its contents adapt it very well for a present to a young bride4--,queen4 ,one of the cleverest1 best written books on the subject we have read at any time4 ,to girls contemplating marriage1 the volume should be presented as a wedding gift4444 ,grave and gay1 but never for a moment dull or tiresome4 ,each page sparkles with anecdote or suggestive illustration4--,ladies' ,treasury4 ,a highly ornamental yet handy1 well printed1 and admirably written volume4--,the ,lady4 ,a rich store of entertaining anecdote1 and full of thoughts beautiful1 pious1 and wise4 ,has a tasteful binding4--,bookseller4 ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,happy ,,though ,,married ,,being ,a ,handbook to ,marriage ,,by ,a ,,graduate ,,in ,,the ,,university ,,of ,,matrimony4 ,domestic happiness1 thou only bliss ,of ,paradise that hast survived the fall6 ,though few now taste thee1 unimpaired and pure1 ,or1 tasting1 long enjoy thee1 too infirm ,or too incautious to preserve thy sweets ,unmixed with drops of bitters1 which neglect ,or temper sheds into thy crystal cup4--,cowper4 ,it is fit that ,i should infuse a bunch of myrrh into the festival goblet1 and1 after the ,egyptian manner1 serve up a dead man's bones at a feast3 ,i will only show it1 and take it away again2 it will make the wine bitter1 but wholesome4--,jeremy ,taylor4 ,,seventh ,,and ,,popular ,,edition4 ,,london ,t ,,fisher ,,unwin #bf ,paternoster ,square #ahhg ,,to ,,those ,,brave ,,men ,,and ,,women ,,who ,,have ,,ventured1 ,,or ,,who ,,intend ,,to ,,venture1 ,,into ,,that ,,state ,,which ,,is ,a ,,blessing ,,to ,a ,,few1 ,a ,,curse ,,to ,,many1 ,,and ,a ,,great ,,uncertainty ,,to ,,all1 ,,this ,,book ,,is ,,respectfully ,,dedicated ,,in ,,admiration ,,of ,,their ,,courage4 ,,preface4 ,most of the books intended to give counsel and ghostly strength to newly-married people are so like a collection of sermons that they are given away rather than read4 ,when writing the following pages ,i have remembered that the only kind of vice all people agree to shun is--advice1 and have endeavoured to hide the pill4 ,this is my excuse if at times ,i seem to fall into anecdotage4 ,one day two birds were busy building their nest in ,luther's garden4 ,observing that they were often scared while committing their petty thefts by the passers to and fro1 the ,doctor exclaimed1 ,oh1 poor little birds6 fly not away2 ,i wish you well with all my heart1 if you would only believe me6 ,if any birds of ,paradise1 or1 to speak plainly1 newly-married people1 are a little scared by the title of this book or by any of its contents1 ,i assure them that1 while trying to place before them the responsibilities they have undertaken1 ,i wish them well with all my heart1 and take great interest in their nest-building4 ,to ask critics to be merciful at a time when new books are so numerous that our eyes ache with reading and our fingers with turning the pages1 would be to ask them not to do their duty4 ,they are the policemen of literature1 and they are bound to make bad and worthless books move on out of the way of their betters4 ,i can only hope that if any notice this little venture they may not feel obliged to crush it among the stoure1 as the ,ayrshire ploughman had to crush the wee1 modest1 crimson-tipped flower4 ,i take this opportunity of thanking ,m4 ,h41 my best friend1 without whose help and sympathy this book would be a worse one than it is1 and my life much more unsatisfactory4 ,part of the first chapter was published in ,chambers's ,journal1 and ,i am indebted to ,cassell's ,saturday ,journal for two anecdotes4 ,i now tender my best thanks to the proprietors of those periodicals for permission to reprint the passages4 ,,preface ,,to ,,the ,,second ,,edition4 ,the wee1 modest1 crimson-tipped flower1 as ,i called this book when it first made its appearance1 has not been crushed with the ploughshare of criticism among the stoure4 ,on the contrary1 it has been so well received that ,i am full of gratitude to the reviewers who recommended it and to the public who bought it4 ,one critic suggested that to make the work complete a chapter on second marriages should be added4 ,my reason for not writing such a chapter is that1 not having myself been as yet often married1 ,i did not presume to give advice to widows and widowers who have their own experience to guide them4 ,taking up the book in a lending library a friend read aloud the title to a lady who accompanied her--,how to be ,happy though ,married4 ,lady3 ,oh1 bother the happiness2 does it tell how to be married8 ,i hope that ,i may be pardoned if ,i cannot always do this4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,page ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,happy ,,though ,,married #a ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,to ,,be ,,or ,,not ,,to ,,be--,,married8 #i ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,marriage-,,made ,,men #bj ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,choice ,,of ,a ,,wife #cc ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,choice ,,of ,a ,,husband #de ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,on ,,making ,,the ,,best ,,of ,a ,,bad ,,matrimonial ,,bargain #eb ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,marriage ,,considered ,,as ,a ,,discipline ,,of ,,character #fe ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,being ,,married #ga ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,honeymooning #hj ,,chapter ,x4 ,,marriage ,,vows #hg ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,drive ,,gently ,,over ,,the ,,stones6 #aja ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,furnishing #aac ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,married ,,people',s ,,money #aai ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,management ,,of ,,servants #abi ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,preparation ,,for ,,parenthood #adj ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,what ,,is ,,the ,,use ,,of ,a ,,child8 #adf ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,the ,,education ,,of ,,parents #aee ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,wanted6--,,mothers #afb ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,nursing ,,fathers #agb ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,politeness ,,at ,,home #ahd ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,sunshine #aib ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,they ,,had ,a ,,few ,,words #bja ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,pulling ,,together #baa ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,nets ,,and ,,cages #bba ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,husbands ,,have ,,duties ,,too #bce ,,chapter ,,xxvi4 ,,the ,,health ,,of ,,the ,,family #bdd ,,chapter ,,xxvii4 ,,love ,,surviving ,,marriage #bed ,,chapter ,,xxviii4 ,,he ,,will ,,not ,,separate ,,us1 ,,we ,,have ,,been ,,so ,,happy #bfj ,,chapter ,i4 ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,happy ,,though ,,married4 ,how delicious is the winning ,of a kiss at love's beginning1 ,when two mutual hearts are sighing ,for the knot there's no untying6--,t4 ,campbell4 ,deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the married state4 ,look not therein for contentment greater than ,god will give1 or a creature in this world can receive1 namely1 to be free from all inconveniences4 ,marriage is not like the hill ,olympus1 wholly clear1 without clouds4--,fuller4 ,how to be happy though married4 ,this was the quaint title of one of ,skelton's sermons1 which would certainly cause a momentary cloud of indignation1 not to say of alarm1 to pass over the minds of a newly-married couple1 should they discover it when skimming through a collection of old volumes on the first wet day of their honeymoon4 ,two young persons thrown together by chance1 or brought together by artifice1 exchange glances1 reciprocate civilities1 and go home to dream of each other4 ,finding themselves rather uncomfortable apart1 they think they necessarily must be happy together4 ,but there is no such necessity4 ,in marriage the measure of our happiness is usually in proportion to our deserts4 ,no man e'er gained a happy life by chance1 ,or yawned it into being with a wish4 ,this1 however1 is just what many novices think they can do in reference to matrimony4 ,they fancy that it has a magic power of conferring happiness almost in spite of themselves1 and are quite surprised when experience teaches them that domestic felicity1 like everything else worth having1 must be worked for--must be earned by patient endurance1 self-restraint1 and loving consideration for the tastes1 and even for the faults1 of him or her with whom life is to be lived4 ,and yet before the first year of married life has ended1 most people discover that ,skelton's subject1 ,how to be happy though married1 was not an unpractical one4 ,then they know that the path upon which they have entered may be strewn with thorns instead of with roses1 unless mutual forbearance and mutual respect guard the way4 ,the old bachelor who said that marriage was a very harmless amusement would not have pronounced such an unconditional judgment had he known more about it4 ,matrimony is a harmless and a happy state only when careful precaution is taken to defend the domain of the affections from harshness and petulance1 and to avoid certain moral and physical pitfalls4 ,like government1 marriage must be a series of compromises2 and however warm the love of both parties may be1 it will very soon cool unless they learn the golden rule of married life1 ,to bear and to forbear4 ,in matrimony1 as in so many other things1 a good beginning is half the battle4 ,but how easily may good beginnings be frustrated through infirmity of temper and other causes1 and then we must tread those steps with sorrow which we might have trod with joy4 ,i often think1 says ,archdeacon ,farrar1 that most of us in life are like many of those sight-seers who saunter through this 7,westminster7 ,abbey4 ,their listless look upon its grandeur and its memorials furnishes an illustration of the aspect which we present to higher powers as we wander restlessly through the solemn minster-aisles of life4444 ,we talk of human misery2 how many of us derive from life one-tenth part of what ,god meant to be its natural blessedness8 ,sit out in the open air on a summer day1 and how many of us have trained ourselves to notice the sweetness and the multiplicity of the influences which are combining for our delight--the song of birds2 the breeze beating balm upon the forehead2 the genial warmth2 the delicate odour of ten thousand flowers8 ,what is said here of life in general is also true of married life4 ,we go through the temple of ,hymen without noticing1 much less appreciating1 its beauty4 ,certainly few people gain as much happiness from their marriage as they might4 ,they expect to find happiness without taking any trouble to make it1 or they are so selfishly preoccupied that they cannot enjoy4 ,in this way many a husband and wife only begin to value each other when death is at hand to separate them4 ,in married life sacrifices must be ever going on if we would be happy4 ,it is the power to make another glad which lights up our own face with joy4 ,it is the power to bear another's burden which lifts the load from our own heart4 ,to foster with vigilant1 self-denying care the development of another's life is the surest way to bring into our own joyous1 stimulating energy4 ,bestow nothing1 receive nothing2 sow nothing1 reap nothing2 bear no burden of others1 be crushed under your own4 ,if many people are miserable though married1 it is because they ignore the great law of self-sacrifice that runs through all nature1 and expect blessedness from receiving rather than from giving4 ,they reckon that they have a right to so much service1 care1 and tenderness from those who love them1 instead of asking how much service1 care1 and tenderness they can give4 ,no knowledge is so well worth acquiring as the science of living harmoniously for the most part of a life with another1 which we might take as a definition of matrimony4 ,this science teaches us to avoid fault-finding1 bothering1 boring1 and other tormenting habits4 ,these are only trifling faults1 you say4 ,yes1 but trifles produce domestic misery1 and domestic misery is no trifle4 ,since trifles make the sum of human things1 ,and half our misery from those trifles springs1 ,oh6 let the ungentle spirit learn from thence1 ,a small unkindness is a great offence4 ,to give rich gifts perhaps we wish in vain1 ,but all may shun the guilt of giving pain4 ,husband and wife should burn up in the bonfire of first-love all hobbies and little ways that could possibly prevent home from being sweet4 ,how happy people are1 though married1 when they can say of each other what ,mrs4 ,hare says of her husband in ,memorials of a ,quiet ,life3 ,i never saw anybody so easy to live with1 by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so lightly2 and then there is a charm in the refinement of feeling which is not to be told in its influence upon trifles4 ,a married pair should be all the world to each other4 ,sydney ,smith's definition of marriage is well known3 ,it resembles a pair of shears1 so joined that they cannot be separated1 often moving in opposite directions1 yet always punishing any one who comes between them4 ,certainly those who go between deserve to be punished2 and in whatever else they may differ1 married people should agree to defend themselves from the well-meant1 perhaps1 but irritating interference of friends4 ,above all1 they should remember the proverb about the home-washing of soiled linen1 for1 as old ,fuller said1 ,jars concealed are half reconciled2 while1 if generally known1 'tis a double task to stop the breach at home and men's mouths abroad4 ,why should love-making end with courtship1 and of what use are conquests if they are not guarded8 ,if the love of a life-partner is of far more value than our perverse fancies1 it is the part of wisdom to restrain these in order to keep that4 ,a suggestion was recently made from an ,american pulpit that there was room for a new society which should teach husband and wife their duty to each other4 ,the first article of the constitution should be that any person applying for membership should solemnly covenant and agree that throughout married life he or she would carefully observe and practise all courtesy1 thoughtfulness1 and unselfishness that belong to what is known as the 'engagement' period4 ,the second article should be that neither member of a conjugal partnership should listen to a single word of criticism of the other member from any relative whatever1 even should the words of wisdom drop from the lips of father1 mother1 brother1 or sister4 ,the rules of the new society need not extend beyond these two1 for there would be nothing in the conduct of members in good standing to require other special attention4 ,the wife1 on her part1 ought not to be less desirous than she was in the days of courtship of winning her husband's admiration1 merely because she now wears upon her finger a golden pledge of his love4 ,why should she give up those pretty wiles to seem fair and pleasant in his eyes1 that were suggested in love-dreams8 ,instead of lessening her charms1 she should endeavour to double them1 in order that home may be to him who has paid her the greatest compliment in his power1 the dearest and brightest spot upon earth--one to which he may turn for comfort when sick of business and the weary ways of men generally4 ,george ,eliot tells us that marriage must be a relation either of sympathy or of conquest2 and it is undoubtedly true that much of the matrimonial discord that exists arises from the mutual struggle for supremacy4 ,they go to church and say ,i will1 and then1 perhaps1 on the way home1 one or other says ,i won't1 and that begins it4 ,what is the reason1 said one ,irishman to another1 that you and your wife are always disagreeing8 ,because1 replied ,pat1 we are both of one mind--she wants to be master and so do ,i4 ,how shall a man retain his wife's affections8 ,is it by not returning them8 ,certainly not4 ,the secret of conjugal felicity is contained in this formula3 demonstrative affection and self-sacrifice4 ,a man should not only love his wife dearly1 but he should tell her that he loves her1 and tell her very often1 and each should be willing to yield1 not once or twice1 but constantly1 and as a practice to the other4 ,selfishness crushes out love1 and most of the couples who are living without affection for each other1 with cold and dead hearts1 with ashes where there should be a bright and holy flame1 have destroyed themselves by caring too much for themselves and too little for each other4 ,each young couple that begins housekeeping on the right basis brings the ,garden of ,eden before man once more4 ,there are they1 two1 alone2 love raises a wall between them and the outer world4 ,there is no serpent there--and1 indeed1 he need never come1 nor does he1 so long as ,adam and ,eve keep him at bay2 but too often the hedge of love is broken1 just a little1 by small discourtesies1 little inattentions1 small incivilities1 that gradually but surely become wider and wider holes1 until there is no hedge at all1 and all sorts of monsters enter in and riot there4 ,out of the very ripeness of life's core1 ,a worm was bred4 ,the only real preservative against this worm is true religion4 ,unhappily for themselves the healthy and young sometimes fancy that they need not think of this4 ,they forget that religion is required to ennoble and sanctify this present life1 and are too liable to associate it exclusively with the contemplation of death4 ,so 'a cried out--,god1 ,god1 ,god6 three or four times3 now ,i1 to comfort him1 bid him 'a should not think of ,god2 ,i hoped there was no need to trouble himself with any such thoughts yet4 ,this advice1 which ,mrs4 ,quickly gave to ,falstaff on his deathbed1 reflects the thoughts of many people1 but it was not sound advice4 ,certainly it would be cruel rather than kind to advise a young pair who have leaped into the dark of married life not to think of ,god4 ,he is a ,saviour from trouble rather than a troubler1 and the husband and wife who never try to serve ,him will not be likely to serve each other or to gain much real happiness from their marriage4 ,the following is related in the memoirs of ,mary ,somerville4 ,when a girl she and her brother had coaxed their timid mother to accompany them for a sail4 ,the day was sunny1 but a stiff breeze was blowing1 and presently the boat began to toss and roll4 ,george1 ,mrs4 ,fairfax called to the man in charge1 this is an awful storm6 ,i fear we are in great danger2 mind how you steer2 remember ,i trust in you6 ,he replied1 ,dinna trust in me1 leddy2 trust in ,god ,almighty4 ,in terror the lady exclaimed1 ,dear me1 is it come to that6 ,to that it ought to come on the day of marriage quite as much as on the day of death4 ,it is not only in times of danger and distress that we want ,god's presence1 but in the time of our well-being1 when all goes merry as a marriage bell4 ,live away from ,him1 and the happiness you enjoy to-day may become your misery to-morrow4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,to ,,be ,,or ,,not ,,to ,,be--,,married8 ,a bitter and perplexed ',what shall ,i do8'--,coleridge4 ,then1 why pause with indecision ,when bright angels in thy vision ,beckon thee to fields ,elysian8--,longfellow4 ,to be or not to be--married8 ,that is the question that may occur to readers of the last chapter4 ,if so much precaution and preparation are necessary to ensure a harmless1 not to say a happy marriage1 is the game worth the candle8 ,is it not better for the unmarried to cultivate the contented state of mind of that old ,scotch lady who said1 ,i wadna gie my single life for a' the double anes ,i ever saw8 ,the controversy as to whether celibacy or wedlock be the happier state is a very old one1 perhaps as old as what may be called the previous question--whether life itself be worth living4 ,some people are very ingenious in making themselves miserable1 no matter in what condition of life they find themselves2 and there are a sufficient number of querulous celibates as well as over-anxious married people in the world to make us see the wisdom of the sage's words3 ,whichever you do1 whether you marry or abstain1 you will repent4 ,if matrimony has more pleasures and celibacy fewer pains1 if loving be a painful thrill1 and not to love more painful still1 it is impossible exactly to balance the happiness of these two states1 containing respectively more pleasure and more pain1 and less pleasure and less pain4 ,if hopes are dupes1 fears may be liars4 ,it has been said of the state of matrimony that those who are in desire to get out1 and those who are out1 wish to enter4 ,the more one thinks on the matter in this spirit1 the more one becomes convinced that the ,scotch minister was by no means an alarmist who thus began an extempore marriage service3 ,my friends1 marriage is a blessing to a few1 a curse to many1 and a great uncertainty to all4 ,do ye venture8 ,after a pause1 he repeated with great emphasis1 ,do ye venture8 ,no objection being made to the venture1 he then said1 ,let's proceed4 ,with the opinion of this ,scotch minister we may compare that of ,lord ,beaconsfield3 ,i have often thought that all women should marry1 and no men4 ,the ,admiral of ,castile said1 that he who marries a wife and he who goes to war must necessarily submit to everything that may happen4 ,there will1 however1 always be young men and maidens who believe that nothing can happen in matrimony that is worse than never to be married at all4 ,when ,joseph ,alleine1 who was a great student1 married1 he received a letter of congratulation from an old college friend1 who said that he had some thoughts of following his example1 but wished to be wary1 and would therefore take the freedom of asking him to describe the inconveniences of a married life4 ,alleine replied1 ,thou would'st know the inconveniences of a wife1 and ,i will tell thee4 ,first of all1 whereas thou risest constantly at four in the morning1 or before1 she will keep thee till six2 secondly1 whereas thou usest to study fourteen hours in the day1 she will bring thee to eight or nine2 thirdly1 whereas thou art wont to forbear one meal at least in the day for thy studies1 she will bring thee to thy meat4 ,if these are not mischief enough to affright thee1 ,i know not what thou art4 ,most people will think that such inconveniences of a wife are the strongest arguments in her favour4 ,nearly all men1 but especially bookish men1 require the healthy common-sense influence of women to guide and sweetly order their lives4 ,if we make fools of ourselves with them1 we are even greater fools without them4 ,with whatever luxuries a bachelor may be surrounded1 he will always find his happiness incomplete unless he has a wife and children to share it4 ,who does not sympathize with ,leigh ,hunt8 ,when in prison he wrote to the governor requesting that his wife and children might be allowed to be with him in the daytime3 that his happiness was bound up in them1 and that a separation in respect of abode would be almost as bad to him as tearing his body asunder4 ,to be1 or not to be--married8 ,this is one of those questions in reference to which the speculative reason comes to no certain conclusion4 ,solvitur ambulando4 ,it has nearly distracted some men1 whose minds were sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought4 ,they have almost died of indecision1 like the donkey between two exactly similar bundles of hay4 ,an individual of this description1 who was well known to the writer1 after dropping into a letter-pillar a proposal to a young lady1 was seen a few moments afterwards endeavouring to extract with a stick the precious document4 ,failing in his attempt1 the wretched mortal walked round and round the pillar1 tortured with the recurrence of reasons against matrimony which he had lately argued away4 ,fortunately for both parties the lady refused the tempting offer4 ,and yet this hesitating lover was1 perhaps1 but a type of many young men of the age4 ,nowadays1 it is often said they are giving up matrimony as if it were some silly old habit suited only to their grandfathers and grandmothers4 ,the complaint is an old one4 ,it was brought against pagan youths more than eighteen hundred years ago1 and yet the world has got along4 ,but can all the blame be justly thrown upon the one sex to the exclusion of the other8 ,have thoughtless extravagance and ignorance of household economy on the part of the ladies no share in deterring the men from making so perilous a venture8 ,it is said that years ago in ,burmah the ladies of the ,court met in formal parliament to decide what should be done to cure the increasing aversion of young men to marriage4 ,their decision was a wise one4 ,they altered1 by an order from the palace1 the style of dress to be worn by all honest women1 reduced the ornaments to be assumed by wives to the fewest and simplest possible1 and ordained that at a certain age women should withdraw from the frivolities of fashion and of the fashionable world4 ,success was the result1 and young ,burmah went up in a body to the altar4 ,robert ,burton1 in his very quaint and interesting ,anatomy of ,melancholy1 gives an abstract of all that may be said to mitigate the miseries of marriage1 by ,jacobus de ,voragine4 ,hast thou means8 thou hast none to keep and increase it4 ,hast none8 thou hast one to help to get it4 ,art in prosperity8 thine happiness is doubled4 ,art in adversity8 she'll comfort1 assist1 bear a part of thy burden to make it more tolerable4 ,art at home8 she'll drive away melancholy4 ,art abroad8 she looks after thee going from home1 wishes for thee in thine absence1 and joyfully welcomes thy return4 ,there's nothing delightsome without society1 no society so sweet as matrimony4 ,the band of conjugal love is adamantine4 ,the sweet company of kinsmen increaseth1 the number of parents is doubled1 of brothers1 sisters1 nephews4 ,thou art made a father by a fair and happy issue4 ,moses curseth the barrenness of matrimony--how much more a single life6 ,all this1 says ,burton1 is true2 but how easy a mater is it to answer quite opposite6 ,to exercise myself ,i will essay4 ,hast thou means8 thou hast one to spend it4 ,hast none8 thy beggary is increased4 ,art in prosperity8 thy happiness is ended4 ,art in adversity8 like ,job's wife1 she'll aggravate thy misery1 vex thy soul1 make thy burden intolerable4 ,art at home8 she'll scold thee out of doors4 ,art abroad8 ,if thou be wise1 keep thee so2 she'll perhaps graft horns in thine absence1 scowl on thee coming home4 ,nothing gives more content than solitariness1 no solitariness like this of a single life4 ,the band of marriage is adamantine--no hope of loosing it2 thou art undone4 ,thy number increaseth2 thou shalt be devoured by thy wife's friends4 ,paul commends marriage1 yet he prefers a single life4 ,is marriage honourable8 ,what an immortal crown belongs to virginity6 ',tis a hazard both ways1 ,i confess1 to live single1 or to marry2 it may be bad1 it may be good2 as it is a cross and calamity on the one side1 so 'tis a sweet delight1 an incomparable happiness1 a blessed estate1 a most unspeakable benefit1 a sole content1 on the other--'tis all in the proof4 ,in balancing this question ,lord ,bacon takes higher ground1 and thinks of the effect of marriage and celibacy on a man in his public capacity4 ,he that hath wife and children hath given hostages to ,fortune1 for they are impediments to great enterprises1 either of virtue or mischief4 ,certainly the best works1 and of the greatest merit for the public1 have proceeded from the unmarried or childless men1 which1 both in affection and means1 have married and endowed the public4 ,yet it were great reason that those that have children should have greatest care of future times1 unto which they know they must transmit their dearest pledges4 ,some there are who1 though they lead a single life1 yet their thoughts do end with themselves1 and account future times impertinences4 ,nay1 there are some other that account wife and children but as bills of charges4 ,nay more1 there are some foolish1 rich1 covetous men that take a pride in having no children because they may be thought so much the richer4 ,for perhaps they have heard some talk3 ',such an one is a great rich man2' and another except to it3 ',yea1 but he hath a great charge of children1' as if it were an abatement to his riches4 ,but the most ordinary cause of a single life is liberty1 especially in certain self-pleasing and humorous minds1 which are so sensible of every restraint1 as they will go near to think their girdles and garters to be bonds and shackles4 ,unmarried men are best friends1 best masters1 best servants1 but not always best subjects1 for they are light to run away1 and almost all fugitives are of that condition4 ,a single life doth well with church men1 for charity will hardly water the ground where it must first fill a pool4 ,after all1 these enumerations of the comparative advantages of marriage and celibacy are of little use1 for a single glance of a pair of bright eyes will cause antimatrimonial arguments to go down like ninepins4 ,the greatest misogamists have been most severely wounded when least expecting it by the darts of ,cupid4 ,such a mishap1 according to the anatomist of melancholy already quoted1 had ,stratocles the physician1 that blear-eyed old man4 ,he was a severe woman's-hater all his life1 a bitter persecutor of the whole sex2 he foreswore them all still1 and mocked them wheresoever he came in such vile terms1 that if thou hadst heard him thou wouldst have loathed thine own mother and sisters for his word's sake4 ,yet this old doting fool was taken at last with that celestial and divine look of ,myrilla1 the daughter of ,anticles the gardener1 that smirking wench1 that he shaved off his bushy beard1 painted his face1 curled his hair1 wore a laurel crown to cover his bald pate1 and for her love besides was ready to run mad4 ,if it be true that nothing is certain but death and taxes1 we must not seek for mathematical demonstration that the road we propose to travel on is the right one when we come to crossroads in life4 ,a certain amount of probability ought to make us take either one or the other1 for not to resolve is to resolve4 ,in reference to such questions as marriage versus celibacy1 the choice of a wife1 the choice of a profession1 and many others1 there must be a certain venture of faith1 and in this unintelligible world there is a rashness which is not always folly4 ,there are1 of course1 many persons who1 if they married1 would be guilty of great imprudence1 not to say of downright crime4 ,when1 however1 two lovers--we emphasise the word--have sufficient means1 are of a suitable age1 and are conscious of no moral1 intellectual1 or physical impediment1 let them marry4 ,it is the advice of some very wise men4 ,benjamin ,franklin wrote to a young friend upon his marriage3 ,i am glad you are married1 and congratulate you most cordially upon it4 ,you are now in the way of becoming a useful citizen1 and you have escaped the unnatural state of celibacy for life--the fate of many here who never intended it1 but who1 having too long postponed the change of their condition1 find at length that it is too late to think of it1 and so live all their lives in a situation that greatly lessens a man's value4 ,an old volume of a set of books bears not the value of its proportion to the set4 ,what think you of the odd half of a pair of scissors8 ,it can't well cut anything--it may possibly serve to scrape a trencher6 ,dr4 ,johnson says3 ,marriage is the best state for man in general2 and every man is a worse man in proportion as he is unfit for the married state4 ,of marriage ,luther observed3 ,the utmost blessing that ,god can confer on a man is the possession of a good and pious wife1 with whom he may live in peace and tranquillity1 to whom he may confide his whole possessions1 even his life and welfare4 ,and again he said3 ,to rise betimes and to marry young are what no man ever repents of doing4 ,shakespeare would not admit impediments to the marriage of true minds4 ,the cares and troubles of married life are many1 but are those of single life few8 ,the bachelor has no one on whom in all cases he can rely4 ,as a rule his expenses are as great as those of a married man1 his life less useful1 and certainly it is less cheerful4 ,what a life to lead6 exclaims ,cobbett4 ,no one to talk to without going from home1 or without getting some one to come to you2 no friend to sit and talk to1 pleasant evenings to pass6 ,nobody to share with you your sorrows or your pleasures2 no soul having a common interest with you2 all around you taking care of themselves and no care of you6 ,then as to gratifications1 from which you will hardly abstain altogether--are they generally of little expense8 and are they attended with no trouble1 no vexation1 no disappointment1 no jealousy even8 and are they never followed by shame and remorse8 ,to me no being in this world appears so wretched as an old bachelor4 ,those circumstances1 those changes in his person and in his mind1 which in the husband increase rather than diminish the attentions to him1 produce all the want of feeling attendant on disgust2 and he beholds in the conduct of the mercenary crowd that surround him little besides an eager desire to profit from that event the approach of which nature makes a subject of sorrow with him4 ,and yet it would be very wrong to hasten young men in this matter1 for however miserable an old bachelor may be1 he is far more happy than either a bad husband or the husband of a bad wife4 ,what is one man's meat may be another man's poison4 ,to some persons we might say1 ,if you marry you do well1 but if you marry not you do better4 ,in the case of others marriage may have decidedly the advantage4 ,like most other things marriage is good or bad according to the use or abuse we make of it4 ,the applause that is usually given to persons on entering the matrimonial stage is1 to say the least1 premature4 ,let us wait to see how they will play their parts4 ,and here we must protest against the foolish and cowardly ridicule that is sometimes bestowed upon elderly men and women who1 using the liberty of a free country1 have abstained from marrying4 ,certainly some of them could give reasons for spending their lives outside the temple of ,hymen that are far more honourable than the motives which induced their foolish detractors to rush in4 ,some have never found their other selves1 or circumstances prevented the junction of these selves4 ,and which is more honourable--a life of loneliness or a loveless marriage8 ,there are others who have laid down their hopes of wedded bliss for the sake of accomplishing some good work1 or for the sake of a father1 mother1 sister1 or brother4 ,in such cases celibacy is an honourable and may be a praiseworthy state4 ,to make old maid a term of reproach has mischievous results1 and causes many an ill-assorted marriage4 ,girls have been hurried into marriage by the dread of being so stigmatized who have repented the step to their dying day4 ,the sacredness of marriage and the serious responsibilities it brings are either ignored altogether or but lightly considered when marriage is represented as the only profession for women4 ,there is no truth in ,brigham ,young's doctrine that only a woman sealed to a man in marriage can possibly be saved4 ,let mothers teach their daughters that although a well-assorted marriage based upon mutual love and esteem may be the happiest calling for a woman1 yet that marriage brings its peculiar trials as well as special joys1 and that it is quite possible for a woman to be both useful and happy1 although youth be fled1 and the crowning joys of life--wife and motherhood--have passed her by or been voluntarily surrendered4 ,but this fact that celibacy has many consolations need not prevent the conclusion that as a rule married life is to be preferred4 ,jeanie1 said an old ,cameronian to his daughter1 who was asking his permission to marry--,jeanie1 it's a very solemn thing to get married4 ,i ken that1 father1 said the sensible lassie1 but it's a great deal solemner to be single4 ,marriages are made in heaven3 matrimony in itself is good1 but there are fools who turn every blessing into a curse1 like the man who said1 ,this is a good rope1 ,i'll hang myself with it4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,marriage-,,made ,,men4 ,a wife's a man's best peace1 who1 till he marries1 ,wants making up4444 ,she is the good man's paradise1 and the bad's ,first step to heaven4--,shirley4 ,th' ever womanly ,draweth us onward6--,goethe4 ,this is well1 ,to have a dame indoors1 that trims us up1 ,and keeps us tight4--,tennyson4 ,if there be any man--women are seldom anti-matrimonial bigots--who seriously doubts that the pros in favour of marriage more than counterbalance the cons1 we commend to his consideration a few historical instances in which men have been made men in the highest sense of the word by marriage4 ,we do not endorse the exaggerated statement of ,richter that no man can live piously or die righteously without a wife1 but we think that the chances of his doing so are considerably lessened4 ,it is not good for a man to live alone with his evil thoughts4 ,the checks and active duties of marriage are the best antidote1 not only to an impure life1 but to the dreaming and droning of a useless and purposeless one4 ,certainly there are some men and women who without wives or husbands are marriage-made in the sense of having their love and powers drawn out by interesting work4 ,they are married to some art or utility1 or instead of loving one they love all4 ,when this last is the case they go down into the haunts of evil1 seek out the wretched1 and spare neither themselves nor their money in their ,christ-like enthusiasm for humanity4 ,but the luxury of doing good is by no means confined to the celibate4 ,on the contrary1 the man with a wife and children in whose goodness and happiness he rejoices may be much better prepared to aid and sympathize with the erring and the suffering4 ,the flood-gates of his affections may have been opened1 and he may have become receptive to influences which had upon him beforetime little or no effect4 ,not a few good and great men have confessed that they were marriage-made to a very considerable extent4 ,the following testimony was given by ,de ,tocqueville in a letter to a friend3 ,i cannot describe to you the happiness yielded in the long run by the habitual society of a woman1 in whose soul all that is good in your own is reflected naturally1 and even improved4 ,when ,i say or do a thing which seems to me to be perfectly right1 ,i read immediately in ,marie's countenance an expression of proud satisfaction which elevates me2 and so when my conscience reproaches me her face instantly clouds over4 ,although ,i have great power over her mind1 ,i see with pleasure that she awes me2 and so long as ,i love her as ,i do now ,i am sure that ,i shall never allow myself to be drawn into anything that is wrong4 ,many a man has been shown the pathway to heaven by his wife's practice of piety4 ,my mercy1 says ,bunyan1 was to light upon a wife whose father and mother were accounted godly4 ,this woman and ,i1 though we came together as poor as poor might be 7not having so much household stuff as a dish or a spoon betwixt us both71 yet she had for her part ',the ,plain ,man's ,pathway to ,heaven' and ',the ,practice of ,piety1' which her father had left her when he died4 ,by reading these and other good books1 helped by the kindly influence of his wife1 ,bunyan was gradually reclaimed from his evil ways1 and led gently into the way of righteousness4 ,nor does this companionship of good wives1 which enables men to gain in sweetness and in moral height1 cause them in the least degree to lose the wrestling thews which throw the world4 ,quite the reverse4 ,weak men have displayed real public virtue1 and strong men have been made stronger1 because they had by their side a woman of noble character1 who exercised a fortifying influence on their conduct4 ,lady ,rachel ,russell is one of the many celebrated women who have encouraged their husbands to suffer and be strong4 ,she sat beside her husband day after day during his public trial1 taking notes and doing everything to help him4 ,in the sixth year of his marriage ,baxter was brought before the magistrates for holding a conventicle1 and was sentenced to be confined in ,clerkenwell ,gaol4 ,there he was joined by his wife1 who affectionately nursed him during his imprisonment4 ,she was never so cheerful a companion to me1 he says1 as in prison1 and was very much against me seeking to be released4 ,there is a sort of would-be wit which consists in jesting at the supposed bondage of the married state4 ,the best answer to this plentiful lack of wit is the fact that some of the best of men have kissed the shackles which a wife imposes1 and have either thought or said1 ,if this be slavery1 who'd be free8 ,luther1 speaking of his wife1 said1 ,i would not exchange my poverty with her for all the riches of ,croesus without her4 ,in more recent times the ,french statesman1 ,m4 ,guizot1 says in his ,memoires3 ,what ,i know to-day1 at the end of my race1 ,i have felt when it began1 and during its continuance4 ,even in the midst of great undertakings domestic affections form the basis of life1 and the most brilliant career has only superficial and incomplete enjoyments if a stranger to the happy ties of family and friendship4 ,not long ago1 when speaking of his wife1 ,prince ,bismarck said1 ,she it is who has made me what ,i am4 ,and there have been ,english statesmen who could say quite as much4 ,burke was sustained amid the anxiety and agitation of public life by domestic felicity4 ,every care vanishes1 he said1 the moment ,i enter under my own roof6 ,of his wife he said that she was not made to be the admiration of everybody1 but the happiness of one4 ,a writer in a recent number of ,leisure ,hour relates the following of ,lord ,beaconsfield3 ,the grateful affection which he entertained for his wife1 whom he always esteemed as the founder of his fortunes1 is well known4 ,she was in the habit of travelling with him on almost all occasions4 ,a friend of the earl and of the narrator of the incident was dining with him1 when one of the party--a ,member of the ,house for many years1 of a noble family1 but rather remarkable for raising a laugh at his buffoonery than any admiration for his wisdom--had no better taste or grace than to expostulate with ,disraeli for always taking the viscountess with him4 ',i cannot understand it1' said the graceless man1 'for1 you know1 you make yourself a perfect laughing-stock wherever your wife goes with you4' ,disraeli fixed his eyes upon him very expressively and said1 ',i don't suppose you can understand it1 ,b4--,i don't suppose you can understand it1 for no one could ever in the last and wildest excursions of an insane imagination suppose you to be guilty of gratitude6' ,it is true that there have been memorable celibates1 but in the main the world's work has been done by the married4 ,fame and reward are powerful incentives1 but they bear no comparison to the influence exercised by affection4 ,a man's wife and family often compel him to do his best2 and1 when on the point of despairing1 they force him to fight like a hero1 not for himself1 but for them4 ,curran confessed that when he addressed a court for the first time1 if he had not felt his wife and children tugging at his gown1 he would have thrown up his brief and relinquished the profession of a lawyer4 ,it is often the case when you see a great man1 like a ship1 sailing proudly along the current of renown1 that there is a little tug--his wife--whom you cannot see1 but who is directing his movements and supplying the motive power4 ,this truth is well illustrated by the anecdote told of ,lord ,eldon1 who1 when he had received the ,great ,seal at the hands of the king1 being about to retire1 was addressed by his majesty with the words1 ,give my remembrance to ,lady ,eldon4 ,the ,chancellor1 in acknowledging the condescension1 intimated his ignorance of ,lady ,eldon's claim to such a notice4 ,yes1 yes1 the king answered2 ,i know how much ,i owe to ,lady ,eldon4 ,i know that you would have made yourself a country curate1 and that she has made you my ,lord ,chancellor4 ,sir ,walter ,scott and ,daniel ,o',connell1 at a late period of their lives1 ascribed their success in the world principally to their wives4 ,when ,sir ,joshua ,reynolds--himself a bachelor--met the sculptor ,flaxman shortly after his marriage1 he said to him1 ,so1 ,flaxman1 ,i am told you are married2 if so1 sir1 ,i tell you you are ruined for an artist4 ,flaxman went home1 sat down beside his wife1 took her hand in his1 and said1 ,ann1 ,i am ruined for an artist4 ,how so1 ,john8 ,how has it happened8 and who has done it8 ,it happened1 he replied1 in the church1 and ,ann ,denman has done it4 ,he then told her of ,sir ,joshua's remark--whose opinion was well known1 and had often been expressed1 that if students would excel they must bring the whole powers of their mind to bear upon their art1 from the moment they rose until they went to bed2 and also1 that no man could be a great artist unless he studied the grand works of ,raphael1 ,michael ,angelo1 and others1 at ,rome and ,florence4 ,and ,i1 said ,flaxman1 drawing up his little figure to its full height1 ,i would be a great artist4 ,and a great artist you shall be1 said his wife1 and visit ,rome1 too1 if that be really necessary to make you great4 ,but how8 asked ,flaxman4 ,work and economize1 rejoined the brave wife2 ,i will never have it said that ,ann ,denman ruined ,john ,flaxman for an artist4 ,and so it was determined by the pair that the journey to ,rome was to be made when their means would admit4 ,i will go to ,rome1 said ,flaxman1 and show the ,president that wedlock is for a man's good rather than his harm2 and you1 ,ann1 shall accompany me4 ,after working for five years1 aided by the untiring economy of his wife1 ,flaxman actually did accomplish his journey4 ,on returning from ,rome1 where he spent seven years1 conscious of his indebtedness to his wife1 he devised an original gift as a memorial of his domestic happiness4 ,he caused a little quarto book to be made1 containing some score or so of leaves1 and with pen and pencil proceeded to fill and embellish it4 ,on the first page is drawn a dove with an olive branch in her mouth2 an angel is on the right and an angel on the left1 and between is written1 ,to ,ann ,flaxman2 below1 two hands are clasped as at an altar1 two cherubs bear a garland1 and there follows an inscription to his wife introducing the subject4 ,instead of finding his genius maimed by his alliance with ,ann ,denman1 this eminent sculptor was ever ready to acknowledge that his subsequent success was in a great part marriage-made4 ,it was through the eyes of his wife that ,huber1 the great authority on bees1 who was blind from his seventeenth year1 conducted his observations and studies4 ,he even went so far as to declare that he should be miserable were he to regain his eyesight4 ,i should not know1 he said1 to what extent a person in my situation could be beloved2 besides1 to me my wife is always young1 fresh1 and pretty1 which is no light matter4 ,sir ,william ,hamilton of ,edinburgh found his wife scarcely less helpful1 especially after he had been stricken by paralysis through overwork4 ,when he was elected ,professor of ,logic and ,metaphysics1 and had no lectures on stock1 his wife sat up with him night after night to write out a fair copy of the lectures from the rough sheets which he had drafted in the adjoining room4 ,the number of pages in her handwriting still preserved is1 says ,sir ,william's biographer1 perfectly marvellous4 ,equally effective as a literary helper was ,lady ,napier1 the wife of ,sir ,william ,napier1 historian of the ,peninsular ,war4 ,she translated and epitomized the immense mass of original documents1 many of them in cipher1 on which it was in a great measure founded4 ,when ,wellington was told of the art and industry she had displayed in deciphering ,king ,joseph's portfolios1 and the immense mass of correspondence taken at ,vittoria1 he at first would hardly believe it1 adding3 ,i would have given ,l#bj1jjj to any person who could have done this for me in the ,peninsula4 ,sir ,william ,napier's handwriting being almost illegible1 ,lady ,napier made out his rough interlined manuscript1 which he himself could scarcely read1 and wrote out a fair copy for the printer2 and all this vast labour she undertook and accomplished1 according to the testimony of her husband1 without having for a moment neglected the care and education of a large family4 ,the help and consolation that ,hood received from his wife during a life that was a prolonged illness is one of the most affecting things in biography4 ,he had such confidence in her judgment that he read and re-read and corrected with her assistance all that he wrote4 ,he used to trust to her ready memory for references and quotations4 ,many wives deserve1 but few receive1 such an ,i4,o4,u4 as that which the grateful humorist gave to his wife in one of his letters when absent from her side4 ,i never was anything1 ,dearest1 till ,i knew you1 and ,i have been a better1 happier1 and more prosperous man ever since4 ,lay by that truth in lavender1 ,sweetest1 and remind me of it when ,i fail4 ,i am writing warmly and fondly1 but not without good cause4444 ,perhaps there is an afterthought that1 whatever may befall me1 the wife of my bosom will have the acknowledgment of her tenderness1 worth1 excellence--all that is wifely or womanly--from my pen4 ,mr4 ,froude says of ,carlyle's wife that her hardest work was a delight to her when she could spare her husband's mind an anxiety or his stomach an indigestion4 ,while he was absorbed in his work and extremely irritable as to every ailment or discomfort1 her life was devoted to shield him in every possible way4 ,in the inscription upon her tombstone ,carlyle bore testimony that he owed to his wife a debt immense of gratitude4 ,in her bright existence she had more sorrows than are common1 but also a soft invincibility1 a capacity of discernment1 and a noble loyalty of heart which are rare4 ,for forty years she was the true and loving helpmate of her husband1 and by act and word unweariedly forwarded him as none else could in all of worthy that he did or attempted4 ,she died at ,london1 ,april #bast1 #ahff1 suddenly snatched away from him1 and the light of his life as if gone out4 ,what an influence women have exercised upon teachers of religion and philosophy6 ,when no one else would encourage ,mahomet1 his wife ,kadijah listened to him with wonder1 with doubt4 ,at length she answered3 ,yes1 it was true this that he said4 ,we can fancy1 as does ,carlyle1 the boundless gratitude of ,mahomet1 and how1 of all the kindnesses she had done him1 this of believing the earnest struggling word he now spoke was the greatest4 ,it is certain1 says ,novalis1 my conviction gains infinitely the moment another soul will believe in it4 ,it is a boundless favour4 ,he never forgot this good ,kadijah4 ,long afterwards1 ,ayesha1 his young favourite wife1 a woman who indeed distinguished herself among the ,moslem by all manner of qualities1 through her whole long life1 this young brilliant ,ayesha was one day questioning him3 ,now am ,i not better than ,kadijah8 she was a widow2 old1 and had lost her looks3 you love me better than you did her8 ,no1 by ,allah6 answered ,mahomet3 ,no1 by ,allah6 ,she believed in me when none else would believe4 ,in the whole world ,i had but one friend1 and she was that6 ,it will suffice to hint at the scientific value of the little that has been disclosed respecting ,madame ,clothilde de ,vaux in elucidating the position of ,auguste ,comte as a teacher4 ,some may think that ,john ,stuart ,mill first taught his wife and then admired his own wisdom in her4 ,his own account of the matter is very different1 as we learn from the dedication of his essay ,on ,liberty3 ,to the beloved and deplored memory of her who was the inspirer1 and in part the author1 of all that is best in my writings--the friend and wife whose exalted sense of truth and right was my strongest incitement1 and whose approbation was my chief reward--,i dedicate this volume4 ,like all that ,i have written for many years1 it belongs as much to her as to me2 but the work as it stands has had1 in a very insufficient degree1 the inestimable advantage of her revision2 some of the most important portions having been reserved for a more careful re-examination1 which they are now never destined to receive4 ,were ,i but capable of interpreting to the world one-half the great thoughts and noble feelings which are buried in her grave1 ,i should be the medium of a greater benefit to it than is ever likely to arise from anything that ,i can write1 unprompted and unassisted by her all but unrivalled wisdom4 ,in a speech upon woman's rights1 a lady orator is said to have exclaimed1 ,it is well known that ,solomon owed his wisdom to the number of his wives6 ,this is too much2 nevertheless1 ,sir ,samuel ,romilly gave the experience of many successful men when he said that there was nothing by which through life he had more profited than by the just observations and the good opinion of his wife4 ,most people are acquainted with husbands who have lost almost all self-reliance and self-help because their wives have been only too helpful to them4 ,trollope and ,george ,eliot faithfully portrayed real life in their stories when they put the reins into the hands of good wives and made them drive the domestic coach1 to the immense advantage and comfort of the husbands1 who never suspected the real state of the case4 ,no man has so thoroughly as ,trollope brought into literature the idea which women have of men--creatures that have to be looked after as grown-up little boys2 interesting1 piquant1 indispensable1 but shiftless1 headstrong1 and at bottom absurd4 ,but this consciousness which good wives have of the helplessness of husbands renders them all the more valuable in their eyes4 ,before ,weinsberg surrendered to its besiegers1 the women of the place asked permission of the captors to remove their valuables4 ,the permission was granted1 and shortly after the women were seen issuing from the gates carrying their husbands on their shoulders4 ,indeed it would be impossible to relate a tenth part of the many ways in which good wives have shown affection for and actively assisted their wedded lords4 ,knowing this to be the case1 we were not surprised to read some time since the following piece of ,irish news3 ,an inquiry was held at ,mullingar on ,wednesday respecting ,mr4 ,h4 ,smythe's claim of ,l#aj1jjj as compensation for the loss of his wife1 who was shot whilst returning from church4 ,the claim was made under the nineteenth section of the ,crime ,preservation ,act1 ,ireland4 ,the result of the inquiry we do not know1 but for ourselves we think that ,l#aj1jjj would barely compensate for the loss of a really good article in wives4 ,some one told an old bachelor that a friend had gone blind4 ,let him marry1 then1 was the crusty reply2 let him marry1 and if that doesn't open his eyes1 then his case is indeed hopeless4 ,but this1 we must remember1 was not the experience of a married man4 ,a friend was talking to ,wordsworth of ,de ,quincey's articles about him4 ,wordsworth begged him to stop2 he hadn't read them1 and did not wish to ruffle himself about them4 ,well1 said the friend1 ,i'll tell you only one thing he says1 and then we'll talk of other things4 ,he says your wife is too good for you4 ,the old poet's dim eyes lighted up1 and he started from his chair1 crying with enthusiasm1 ,and that's true6 ,there he's right6 his disgust and contempt visibly moderating4 ,many a man whose faith in womankind was weak before marriage can a few years afterwards sympathize most fully with this pathetic confession of the old poet4 ,a ,scotch dealer1 when exhorting his son to practise honesty on the ground of its being the best policy1 quietly added1 ,i hae tried baith4 ,so is it in reference to matrimony and celibacy4 ,the majority of those who have tried baith are of opinion that the former is the best policy4 ,it would be absurd to assert that the marriage state is free from care and anxiety2 but what of that8 ,is not care and trouble the condition of any and every state of life8 ,he that will avoid trouble must avoid the world4 ,marriage1 says ,dr4 ,johnson1 is not commonly unhappy1 but as life is unhappy4 ,and the summing up1 so to speak1 of this great authority is well known--,marriage has many pains1 but celibacy no pleasures4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,choice ,,of ,a ,,wife4 ,go1 draw aside the curtains1 and discover ,the several caskets to this noble prince3-- ,now make your choice4--,shakespeare4 ,if1 as ,plutarch adviseth1 one must eat modium salis1 a bushel of salt1 with him before he choose his friend1 what care should be had in choosing a wife--his second self6 ,how solicitous should he be to know her qualities and behaviour6 and1 when he is assured of them1 not to prefer birth1 fortune1 beauty1 before bringing up and good conditions4--,robert ,burton4 ,whether a man shall be made or marred by marriage greatly depends upon the choice he makes of a wife4 ,nothing is better than a good woman1 nor anything worse than a bad one4 ,the idea of the great electrician ,edison's marrying was first suggested by an intimate friend1 who made the point that he needed a mistress to preside over his large house1 which was being managed by a housekeeper and several servants4 ,although a very shy man1 he seemed pleased with the proposition1 and timidly inquired whom he should marry ,the friend somewhat testily replied1 ,any one2 that a man who had so little sentiment in his soul as to ask such a question ought to be satisfied with anything that wore a petticoat and was decent4 ,woe to the man who follows such careless advice as this1 and marries any one1 for what was said by the fox to the sick lion might be said with equal truth to ,hymen3 ,i notice that there are many prints of feet entering your cave1 but ,i see no trace of any returning4 ,before taking the irrevocable step choose well1 for your choice though brief is yet endless4 ,and1 first1 we make the obvious suggestion that it is useless to seek perfection in a wife1 even though you may fancy yourself capable of giving an adequate return as did the author of the following advertisement3 ,wanted by a ,young ,gentleman just beginning ,housekeeping1 a ,lady between ,eighteen and ,twenty-five ,years of ,age1 with a good ,education1 and a ,fortune not less than ,five ,thousand ,pounds2 ,sound ,wind and ,limb1 ,five ,feet ,four ,inches without her shoes2 ,not ,fat1 nor yet too lean2 ,good ,set of ,teeth2 ,no ,pride nor ,affectation2 ,not very ,talkative1 nor one that is deemed a ,scold2 but of a ,spirit to ,resent an ,affront2 of a ,charitable ,disposition2 not ,over-fond of ,dress1 though always ,decent and ,clean2 that will ,entertain her ,husband's ,friends with ,affability and ,cheerfulness1 and ,prefer his ,company to ,public ,diversions and gadding about2 one who can keep his secrets1 that he may open his ,heart to her without reserve on all ,occasions2 that can extend domestic ,expenses with ,economy1 as ,prosperity advances1 without ,ostentation2 and ,retrench them with ,cheerfulness1 if occasion should require4 ,any ,lady disposed to ,matrimony1 answering this ,description1 is desired to direct for ,y4 ,z41 at the ,baptist's ,head ,coffee-house1 ,aldermanbury4 ,n4,b4--,the ,gentleman can make adequate ,return1 and is1 in every ,respect1 deserving a ,lady with the above ,qualifications4 ,this reminds us of the old lady who told her steward she wished him to attend a neighbouring fair in order to buy her a cow4 ,she explained to him that it must be young1 well-bred1 fine in the skin1 a strawberry in colour1 straight in the back1 and not given to breaking through fences when it smelt clover on the other side2 above all1 it was not to cost more than ten pounds4 ,the steward1 who was a ,scotchman1 and a privileged old servant1 bowed his head and replied reverently1 ,then1 my lady1 ,i think ye had better kneel down and pray for her1 for ye'll get her nae other way1 ,i'm thinkin'4 ,while the possession of a little money is by no means a drawback1 those do not well consult their happiness who marry for money alone4 ,in many a marriage made for gold1 ,the bride is bought--and the bridegroom sold4 ,though ,cupid is said to be blind1 he is a better guide than the rules of arithmetic4 ,we have false ideas of happiness4 ,what will make me happy--contented8 ,oh1 if ,i were rich1 ,i should be happy6 ,a gentleman who was enjoying the hospitalities of the great millionaire and king of finance1 ,rothschild1 as he looked at the superb appointments of the mansion1 said to his host1 ,you must be a happy man6 ,happy6 said he1 happy6 ,i happy--happy6 ,aye1 happy6 ,let us change the subject4 ,john ,jacob ,astor of ,america1 was also told that he must be a very happy man1 being so rich4 ,why1 said he1 would you take care of my property for your board and clothes8 ,that's all ,i get for it4 ,in taking a dowry with a wife thou losest thy liberty1 says an old writer3 she will ride upon thee1 domineer as she list1 wear the breeches in her oligarchical government1 and beggar thee besides4 ,better to have a fortune in your wife than with her4 ,my wife has made my fortune1 said a gentleman of great possessions1 by her thrift1 prudence1 and cheerfulness1 when ,i was just beginning4 ,and mine has lost my fortune1 answered his companion1 bitterly1 by useless extravagance1 and repining when ,i was doing well4 ,the girl who brings to her husband a large dowry may also bring habits of luxury learned in a rich home4 ,she may be almost as incapable of understanding straitened circumstances as was the lady of the court of ,louis ,,xvi41 who1 on hearing of people starving1 exclaimed1 ,poor creatures6 ,no bread to eat6 ,then let them eat cakes6 ,nor is it wise to marry for beauty alone3 as even the finest landscape1 seen daily1 becomes monotonous1 so does the most beautiful face1 unless a beautiful nature shine through it4 ,the beauty of to-day becomes commonplace to-morrow2 whereas goodness1 displayed through the most ordinary features1 is perennially lovely4 ,moreover1 this kind of beauty improves with age1 and time ripens rather than destroys it4 ,no man is so much to be pitied as the husband of a professional beauty4 ,yet beauty1 when it betokens health1 or when it is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace1 is valuable1 and has a great power of winning affection4 ,above all things do not marry a fool who will shame you and reveal your secrets4 ,for ourselves we do not believe the first part at least of ,archbishop ,whately's definition of woman3 ,a creature that does not reason1 and that pokes the fire from the top4 ,the wife who does not and cannot make use of reason to overcome the daily difficulties of domestic life1 and who can in no sense be called the companion of her husband1 is a mate who hinders rather than helps4 ,sooner or later a household must fall into the hands of its women1 and sink or swim according to their capacities4 ,it is hard enough for a man to be married to a bad woman2 but for a man who marries a foolish woman there is no hope4 ,one must love their friends with all their failings1 but it is a great failing to be ill1 and therefore unless you are one of those rare men who would never lose patience with a wife always in pain1 when choosing you should think more of a healthy hue than of a hectic hue1 and far more of good lungs than of a tightly-laced waist ,see that she chews her food well1 and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks1 and you're all right4 ,as regards the marriageable age of women we may quote the following little conversation3 ,no woman is worth looking at after thirty1 said young ,mrs4 ,a41 a bride with all the arrogant youthfulness of twenty-one summers4 ,quite true1 my dear1 answered ,lady ,d41 a very pretty woman some ten or fifteen years older2 nor worth listening to before4 ,please yourself1 good sir6 only do not marry either a child or an old woman4 ,certainly a man should marry to obtain a friend and companion rather than a cook and housekeeper2 but yet that girl is a prize indeed who has so well prepared herself for the business of wifehood as to be able to keep not only her husband company1 but her house in good order4 ,if that man is to be regarded as a benefactor of his species who makes two stalks of corn to grow where only one grew before1 not less is she to be regarded as a public benefactor who economizes and turns to the best practical account the food products of human skill and labour4 ,formerly a woman's library was limited to the ,bible and a cookery-book4 ,this curriculum has now been considerably extended1 and it is everywhere acknowledged that chemistry enough to keep the pot boiling1 and geography enough to know the different rooms in her house1 is not science enough for women4 ,it is surely not impossible1 however1 for an intending husband to find a girl who can make her higher education compatible with his comforts1 who can when necessary bring her philosophy down to the kitchen4 ,why should literature unfit women for the everyday business of life8 ,it is not so with men4 ,you see those of the most cultivated minds constantly devoting their time and attention to the most homely objects4 ,the other day1 speaking superficially and uncharitably1 a person said of a woman1 whom he knew but slightly1 ,she disappoints me utterly4 ,how could her husband have married her8 ,she is commonplace and stupid4 ,yes1 said a friend1 reflectively1 it is strange4 ,she is not a brilliant woman1 she is not even an intellectual one2 but there is such a thing as a genius for affection1 and she has it4 ,it has been good for her husband that he married her4 ,in the sphere of home the graces of gentleness1 of patience1 of generosity1 are far more valuable than any personal attractions or mental gifts and accomplishments4 ,they contribute more to happiness and are the source of sympathy and spiritual discernment4 ,for does not the woman who can love see more and understand more than the most intellectual woman who has no heart8 ,a vacancy in the floor sweeping department of a public institution having been advertised1 the testimonials to the intellectual and moral eminence of an old woman were overwhelming2 but after the election it appeared she had only one arm6 ,not less unfitted to be a wife is the woman who1 with every other qualification1 has no genius for affection4 ,dress is one of the little things that indicate character4 ,a refined woman will always look neat2 but1 on the other hand1 she will not bedizen and bedeck herself with a view to display4 ,again1 there is no condition of life in which industry in a wife is not necessary to the happiness of a family4 ,a lazy mistress makes lazy servants1 and1 what is worse1 a lazy mother makes lazy children4 ,but how1 asks ,cobbett1 is the purblind lover to ascertain whether she1 whose smiles have bereft him of his senses--how is he to judge whether the beloved object will be industrious or lazy8 ,in answer to this question several outward and visible signs are suggested1 such as early rising1 a lively1 distinct utterance1 a quick step1 the labours of the teeth2 for these correspond with those of the other members of the body1 and with the operations of the mind4 ,then we are told of a young man in ,philadelphia1 who1 courting one of three sisters1 happened to be on a visit to her1 when all the three were present1 and when one said to the others1 ,i wonder where our needle is4 ,upon which he withdrew1 as soon as was consistent with politeness1 resolved never to think more of a girl who possessed a needle only in partnership1 and who1 it appeared1 was not too well informed as to the place where even that share was deposited4 ,it would be impossible even to allude to every point of character that should be observed in choosing a wife4 ,frugality1 or the power to abstain from unnecessary expenditure1 is very important1 so is punctuality4 ,as to good temper1 it is a most difficult thing to ascertain beforehand2 smiles are so easily put on for the lover's visits4 ,we know the old conundrum--why are ladies like bells8 ,because you never know what metal they are made of until you ring them4 ,an ingenuous girl thus alluded to the change that is frequently perceptible after marriage4 ,your future husband seems very exacting3 he has been stipulating for all sorts of things1 said her mother to her4 ,never mind1 ,mamma1 said the affectionate girl1 who was already dressed for the wedding2 these are his last wishes4 ,there is1 however1 one way of roughly guessing the qualifications of a girl for the most responsible position of a wife4 ,find out the character of her mother1 and whether the daughter has been a good one and a good sister4 ,ask yourself1 if you respect as well as admire her1 and remember the words of ,fichte3 ,no true and enduring love can exist without esteem2 every other draws regret after it1 and is unworthy of any noble soul4 ,thackeray said of women3 ,what we 7men7 want for the most part is a humble1 flattering1 smiling1 child-loving1 tea-making being1 who laughs at our jokes however old they may be1 coaxes and wheedles us in our humours1 and fondly lies to us through life4 ,and he says of a wife3 ,she ought to be able to make your house pleasant to your friends2 she ought to attract them to it by her grace4 ,let it be said of her1 ',what an uncommonly nice woman ,mrs4 ,brown is6' ,let her be1 if not clever1 an appreciator of cleverness4 ,above all1 let her have a sense of humour1 for a woman without a laugh in her is the greatest bore in existence4 ,it is1 we think1 only very weak men who would wish their wives to fondly lie to them in this way4 ,better to be occasionally wound up like an eight-day clock by one's wife and made to go right4 ,there is no one who gives such wise and brave advice as a good wife4 ,she is another1 a calmer and a better self4 ,the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her1 for he knows that when her criticism is most severe it is spoken in love and for his own good4 ,lord ,beaconsfield described his wife as the most severe of critics1 but a perfect wife4 ,burns the poet1 in speaking of the qualities of a good wife1 divided them into ten parts4 ,four of these he gave to good temper1 two to good sense1 one to wit1 one to beauty--such as a sweet face1 eloquent eyes1 a fine person1 a graceful carriage2 and the other two parts he divided amongst the other qualities belonging to or attending on a wife--such as fortune1 connections1 education 7that is1 of a higher standard than ordinary71 family blood1 c42 but he said1 ,divide those two degrees as you please1 only remember that all these minor proportions must be expressed by fractions1 for there is not any one of them that is entitled to the dignity of an integer4 ,let us add the famous advice given by ,lord ,burleigh to his son3 ,when it shall please ,god1 said he1 to bring thee to man's estate1 use great providence and circumspection in choosing thy wife1 for from thence will spring all thy future good or evil4 ,and it is an action of thy life1 like unto a stratagem of war1 wherein a man can err but once4444 ,inquire diligently of her disposition1 and how her parents have been inclined in their youth4 ,let her not be poor1 how generous 7well-born7 soever2 for a man can buy nothing in the market with gentility4 ,nor choose a base and uncomely creature altogether for wealth1 for it will cause contempt in others1 and loathing in thee4 ,neither make choice of a dwarf or a fool1 for by the one thou shalt beget a race of pigmies1 while the other will be thy continual disgrace1 and it will yirke 7irk7 thee to hear her talk4 ,for thou shalt find it to thy great grief that there is nothing more fulsome than a she-fool4 ,the ideal wife is either what ,crashaw calls an impossible she1 or-- ,somewhere in the world must be ,she that ,i have prayed to see1 ,she that ,love assigns to me4 ,but then-- ,shall we ever1 ever meet8 ,shall ,i find in thee1 my sweet1 ,visions true and life complete8 ,to the old question1 ,who can find8 it may too often be replied1 ,who seeks a virtuous woman8 ,is she wealthy8 is she pretty8 is she talented8 are questions asked more frequently than ,is she good1 sensible1 industrious1 affectionate8 ,and yet that man takes to himself one of the bitterest of earth's curses who marries carelessly instead of seeking with all diligence for those qualities in a wife that are the foundation of lasting happiness4 ,a minister's wife falling asleep in church1 her husband thus addressed her3 ,mrs4 ,b41 a' body kens that when ,i got ye for my wife ,i got nae beauty2 yer frien's ken that ,i got nae siller2 and if ,i dinna get ,god's grace ,i shall hae a puir bargain indeed4 ,if men would seek for wives women with the grace of ,god1 if they would choose them as they do their clothes1 for qualities that will last1 they would get much better bargains4 ,one reason for this carelessness about the character of a wife may be found in the prevailing opinion that there is little or no room for choice in matters matrimonial4 ,sir ,john ,more 7father of the ,chancellor1 ,sir ,thomas7 was often heard to say1 ,i would compare the multitude of women which are to be chosen for wives unto a bag full of snakes1 having among them a single eel4 ,now1 if a man should put his hand into this bag1 he may chance to light on the eel2 but it is a hundred to one he shall be stung by a snake4 ,perhaps the lottery theory of marriage was never stated more strongly or with greater cynicism2 but is it true8 ,if it were1 to expend care and attention in choosing a wife would be to labour in vain4 ,if1 however1 marriage is by no means such an affair of chance1 a prudent choice may prevent a man from being stung by a snake1 and may give him a goodly eel as his marriage portion4 ,the important thing to do is to keep well in mind the fact that a man's prospect of domestic felicity does not depend upon the face1 the fortune1 or the accomplishments of his wife1 but upon her character4 ,the son of ,sirach says that he would rather dwell with a lion and a dragon than to keep house with a wicked woman4 ,he that hath hold of her is as though he held a scorpion4 ,a loud crying woman and a scold shall be sought out to drive away the enemies4 ,on the other hand1 the grace of a wife delighteth her husband1 and her discretion will fatten his bones4 ,a silent and loving woman is a gift of the ,lord2 and there is nothing so much worth as a mind well instructed4 ,,chapter ,v ,,the ,,choice ,,of ,a ,,husband4 ,how shall ,i know if ,i do choose the right8--,shakespeare4 ,god1 the best maker of marriages1 bless you6--,ibid4 ,and while thou livest1 dear ,kate1 take a fellow of plain and uncoined constancy2 for he perforce must do thee right1 because he hath not the gift to woo in other places2 for these fellows of infinite tongue1 that can rhyme themselves into ladies' favours1 they do always reason themselves out again4 ,what6 a speaker is but a prater2 a rhyme is but a ballad4 ,a good leg will fall2 a straight back will stoop2 a black beard will turn white2 a curled pate will grow bald2 a fair face will wither2 a full eye will wax hollow2 but a good heart1 ,kate1 is the sun and the moon2 or1 rather1 the sun1 and not the moon2 for it shines bright1 and never changes1 but keeps his course truly4--,ibid4 ,they that enter into the state of marriage cast a die of the greatest contingency1 and yet of the greatest interest in the world1 next to the last throw for eternity4 ,life or death1 felicity or a lasting sorrow1 are in the power of marriage4 ,a woman1 indeed1 ventures most1 for she hath no sanctuary to retire to from an evil husband2 she must dwell upon her sorrow and hatch the eggs which her own folly or infelicity hath produced2 and she is more under it1 because her tormentor hath a warrant of prerogative1 and the woman may complain to ,god1 as subjects do of tyrant princes2 but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness4 ,and though the man can run from many hours of his sadness1 yet he must return to it again2 and when he sits among his neighbours he remembers the objection that is in his bosom1 and he sighs deeply4 ,the boys and the pedlars and the fruiterers shall tell of this man when he is carried to his grave that he lived and died a poor1 wretched person4 ,in these words ,jeremy ,taylor puts before men and women the issues of choice in matrimony4 ,what1 however1 concerns us in this chapter is that a woman ventures most4 ,love is of man's life a thing apart1 'tis woman's whole existence4 ,how important that a treasure which is dear as life itself should be placed in safe keeping6 ,and yet so blind is love that defects often seem to be virtues1 deformity assumes the style of beauty1 and even hideous vices have appeared under an attractive form4 ,in ,shakespeare's play ,cleopatra speaks of an old attachment which she had lived to despise as having arisen in her salad days1 when she was green in judgment4 ,in extreme youth love is especially blind1 and for this1 as well as for other reasons1 girls1 who are yet at school1 do not consult their best interests when they allow love to occupy their too youthful minds4 ,it prevents the enjoyment of happy years of maidenhood1 and sometimes leads to marriage before the girl is fit1 either physically1 mentally1 or domestically1 for the cares of married life4 ,i believe1 says ,r4 ,w4 ,dale1 of ,birmingham1 in falling in love4 ,the imagination should be kindled and the heart touched2 there should be enthusiasm and even romance in the happy months that precede marriage1 and something of the enthusiasm and romance should remain to the very end of life1 or else the home is wanting in its perfect happiness and grace4 ,but take my word for it1 solid virtues are indispensable to the security and happiness of a home4 ,you would not like to live with a liar1 with a thief1 with a drunkard1 for twenty or thirty years4 ,a lazy man will make but a weak band or support for his and your house2 so will one deficient in fortitude--that is1 the power to bear pain and trouble without whining4 ,beware of the selfish man1 for though he may be drawn out of selfishness in the early weeks of courtship1 he will settle back into it again when the wear and worry of life come on4 ,and remember that a man may have the roots of some of these vices in him and yet be extremely agreeable and good-looking1 dress well1 and say very pretty and charming things4 ,how easy is it for the proper-false in women's waxen hearts to set their forms6 ,in their haste to be married many women are too easily satisfied with the characters of men who may offer themselves as husbands4 ,they aim at matrimony in the abstract2 not the man1 but any man4 ,they would not engage a servant if all they knew of her were that she had1 as a housemaid lately advertised1 a fortnight's character from her last place2 but with even less information as to their characters they will accept husbands and vow to love1 honour1 and obey them6 ,in comparison how much more honourable and how much less unloved and unloving is the spinster's lot6 ,women marry simply for a home because they have not been trained to fight the battle of life for themselves1 and because their lives are so dull and stagnant that they think any change must be for the better4 ,a friend--let us say ,barlow--was describing to ,jerrold the story of his courtship and marriage3 how his wife had been brought up in a convent1 and was on the point of taking the veil1 when his presence burst upon her enraptured sight4 ,jerrold listened to the end of the story1 and by way of comment said1 ,ah6 she evidently thought ,barlow better than nun4 ,when girls have been given work in the world they do not think that any husband is better than none1 and they have not time to imagine themselves in love with the first man who proposes4 ,how often is it the case that people think themselves in love when in fact they are only idle6 ,there are hearts all the better for keeping2 they become mellower and more worth a woman's acceptance than the crude1 unripe things that are sometimes gathered--as children gather green fruit--to the discomfort of those who obtain them4 ,a husband may be too young to properly appreciate and take care of a wife4 ,and yet perhaps the majority of girls would rather be a young man's slave than an old man's darling4 ,my dear1 said a father to his daughter1 ,i intend that you should be married1 but not that you should throw yourself away on any wild1 worthless boy3 you must marry a man of sober and mature age4 ,what do you think of a fine1 intelligent husband of fifty8 ,i think two of twenty-five would be better1 papa4 ,prophecies as to the probable result of a marriage are as a rule little to be trusted4 ,it was so in the case of the celebrated ,madame ,necker4 ,she had been taken to ,paris to live with a young widow1 to whom ,necker--a financier from ,geneva--came to pay his addresses4 ,the story goes that the widow1 in order to rid herself of her admirer1 got him to transfer his addresses to her young companion1 saying to herself1 they will bore each other to death1 that will give them something to do4 ,the happy pair1 however1 had no such foreboding4 ,i am marrying a man1 wrote the lady1 whom ,i should believe to be an angel1 if his great love for me did not show his weakness4 ,in his way the husband was equally satisfied4 ,i account myself as happy as it is possible for a man to be1 he wrote to a mutual friend2 and to the end of the chapter there was no flaw in that matrimonial life4 ,never to marry a genius was the advice of ,mrs4 ,carlyle4 ,i married for ambition4 ,carlyle has exceeded all that my wildest hopes ever imagined of him1 and ,i am miserable4 ,as the supply of geniuses is very limited1 this advice may seem superfluous4 ,it is not so1 however1 for there is enough and to spare of men who think that they are geniuses1 and take liberties accordingly4 ,these are very often only sons of fond but foolish mothers1 who have persuaded them that they are not made of common clay1 and that the girls who get them will be blessed4 ,from such a blessing young women should pray to be delivered4 ,perhaps it may be said that though it is easy to write about choosing a husband1 for the majority of ,english girls1 at least1 there is but little choice in the matter4 ,dickens certainly told an ,american story--very ,american--of a young lady on a voyage1 who1 being intensely loved by five young men1 was advised to jump overboard and marry the man who jumped in after her4 ,accordingly1 next morning the five lovers being on deck1 and looking very devotedly at the young lady1 she plunged into the sea4 ,four of the lovers immediately jumped in after her4 ,when the young lady and four lovers were out again1 she said to the captain1 ,what am ,i to do with them now1 they are so wet8 ,take the dry one4 ,and the young lady did1 and married him4 ,how different is the state of affairs on this side of the ,atlantic1 where1 if a young woman is to be married1 she must take not whom she will1 but whom she can4 ,oh me1 the word choose6 ,i may neither choose whom ,i would1 nor refuse whom ,i dislike4 ,but is it necessary to marry8 ,far better to have no husband than a bad one4 ,there is a great deal of human nature in the account which ,artemus ,ward gives of the many affecting ties which made him hanker after ,betsy ,jane4 ,her father's farm jined our'n2 their cows and our'n squencht their thurst at the same spring2 our old mares both had stars in their forrerds2 the measles broke out in both famerlies at nearly the same period2 our parients 7,betsy's and mine7 slept reglarly every ,sunday in the same meetin-house1 and the nabers used to obsarve1 ',how thick the ,wards and ,peasleys air6' ,it was a surblime site1 in the spring of the year1 to see our sevral mothers 7,betsy's and mine7 with their gowns pin'd up so thay couldn't sile 'em affecshunitly bilin sope together and aboozin the nabers4 ,in this matter more than in most others we do not will according to our reason1 we reason according to our will4 ,true desire1 the monition of nature1 is much to be attended to4 ,but always we are to discriminate carefully between true desire and false4 ,the medical men tell us we should eat what we truly have an appetite for2 but what we only falsely have an appetite for we should resolutely avoid4 ,ought not choice in matrimony to be guided by the same principle8 ,above all things young ladies should ask ,god1 the best maker of marriages1 to direct their choice aright4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,on ,,making ,,the ,,best ,,of ,a ,,bad ,,matrimonial ,,bargain4 ,how poor are they who have not patience6 ,what wound did ever heal1 but by degrees8--,shakespeare4 ,e'en now1 in passing through the garden walks1 ,upon the ground ,i saw a fallen nest1 ,ruined and full of ruin2 and over it1 ,behold1 the uncomplaining birds1 already ,busy in building a new habitation4--,longfellow4 ,but the best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft a-gley4 ,we are none of us infallible1 not even the youngest4 ,when the greatest care has been taken in choosing1 people get bad matrimonial bargains4 ,from the nature of the case this must often happen4 ,if not one man in a thousand is a judge of the points of a horse1 not one in a million understands human nature4 ,and even if a young man or woman did understand human nature1 there are before marriage1 as a rule1 opportunities of gaining only the slightest knowledge of the character of one who is to be the weal or woe of a new home4 ,it is related in ancient history1 or fable1 that when ,rhodope1 a fashionable ,egyptian beauty1 was engaged bathing1 an eagle stole away one of her shoes1 and let it fall near ,psammetichus the king4 ,struck with the pretty shoe1 he fell in love with the foot1 and finally married the owner of both4 ,very little more acquaintance with each other have the majority of the ,innocents who go abroad into the unknown country of ,matrimony to seek their fortunes or misfortunes4 ,and then the temper and manner of people when making love are so different from what these become afterwards6 ,one would think the whole endeavour of both parties during the time of courtship is to hinder themselves from being known--to disguise their natural temper and real desires in hypocritical imitation1 studied compliance1 and continued affectation4 ,from the time that their love is avowed1 neither sees the other but in a mask2 and the cheat is often managed on both sides with so much art1 and discovered afterwards with so much abruptness1 that each has reason to suspect that some transformation has happened on the wedding-night1 and that by a strange imposture1 as in the case of ,jacob1 one has been courted and another married4 ,our conventional state of society curtails the limits of choice in matrimony and hinders the natural law of the marriage of the fittest4 ,we knew a young gentleman living in a ,london suburb who bore an excellent character1 had sufficient income1 and was in every respect marriageable4 ,he wished to try the experiment of two against the world1 but--as he told the clergyman of his parish--he was in the city all day1 and never had an opportunity of becoming acquainted with a young lady whom he could ask to be his wife4 ,we have heard of the stiff ,englishman who would not attempt to save a fellow-creature from drowning because he had never been introduced to him4 ,in the same way unmarried ladies are allowed to remain in the ,slough of ,despond because the valiant young gentlemen who would rescue them1 though they may be almost1 are not altogether in their social set4 ,every one knows ,plato's theory about marriage4 ,he taught that men and women were hemispheres1 so to speak1 of an original sphere2 that ill-assorted marriages were the result of the wrong hemispheres getting together2 that1 if the true halves met1 the man became complete1 and the consequence was the happy-ever-after of childhood's stories4 ,there is much truth in this doctrine1 that for every man there is one woman somewhere in the world1 and for every woman one man4 ,they seldom meet in time4 ,if they did1 what would become of the sensational novelists8 ,but are there not in reality too many artificial obstacles to happy marriages8 ,why do the right men and women so seldom meet8 ,because mammon1 ambition1 envy1 hatred1 and all uncharitableness step between and keep apart those whom ,god would join together4 ,it is true that newly-married people when going through the process of being disillusioned are liable to conclude much too quickly that they have got bad matrimonial bargains4 ,in a letter which ,mrs4 ,thrale1 the friend of ,dr4 ,johnson1 wrote to a young gentleman on his marriage1 she says3 ,when your present violence of passion subsides1 and a more cool and tranquil affection takes its place1 be not hasty to censure yourself as indifferent1 or to lament yourself as unhappy4 ,you have lost that only which it was impossible to retain2 and it were graceless amid the pleasures of a prosperous summer to regret the blossoms of a transient spring4 ,neither unwarily condemn your bride's insipidity1 till you have reflected that no object however sublime1 no sounds however charming1 can continue to transport us with delight1 when they no longer strike us with novelty4 ,satiety follows quickly upon the heels of possession4 ,a little boy of four years of age told me the other day that he wished to die4 ,why8 ,oh1 just for a change6 ,there are children of a larger growth who require continual change and variety to keep them interested4 ,we expect too much from life in general1 and from married life in particular4 ,when castle-building before marriage we imagine a condition never experienced on this side of heaven2 and when real life comes with its troubles and cares1 the tower of romance falls with a crash1 leaving us in the mud-hut of every-day reality4 ,better to enter the marriage state in the frame of mind of that company of ,american settlers1 who1 in naming their new town1 called it ,dictionary1 because1 as they said1 that's the only place where peace1 prosperity1 and happiness are always to be found4 ,it would be contrary to the nature of constitutional grumblers to be satisfied with their matrimonial bargains1 no matter how much too good for them they may be4 ,they don't want to be satisfied in this or in any other respect1 for1 as the ,irishman said1 they are never happy unless they are miserable4 ,they may have drawn a prize in the matrimonial lottery1 but they grumble if it be not the highest prize4 ,they are cursed with dispositions like that of the ,jew1 who1 very early one morning1 picked up a roll of bank-notes on ,newmarket ,heath1 which had been dropped by some inebriated betting-man the night before4 ,what have you got there8 exclaimed a fellow ,israelite4 ,lucky as usual6 ,lucky you call it8 grumbled the man in reply1 rapidly turning over the notes4 ,lucky is it6 all fivers--not a tenner among them6 ,even a perfect matrimonial bargain would not please some people4 ,they are as prone to grumble as the poor woman who1 being asked if she were satisfied when a pure water supply had been introduced into ,edinburgh1 said3 ,aye1 not so well as ,i might2 it's not like the water we had before--it neither smells nor tastes4 ,there is a story told of a rustic swain who1 when asked whether he would take his partner to be his wedded wife1 replied1 with shameful indecision1 ,yes1 ,i'm willin'2 but ,i'd a much sight rather have her sister4 ,the sort of people who are represented by this vacillating bridegroom are no sooner married than they begin to cast fond1 lingering looks behind upon the state of single blessedness they have abandoned1 or else upon some lost ideal which they prefer to the living1 breathing reality of which they have become possessed4 ,they don't know1 and never did know1 their own minds4 ,let us suppose1 however1 that a bad matrimonial bargain has been obtained1 not in imagination1 but in sad earnest--,how is the best to be made of it8 ,we must do as ,old ,mother ,hubbard did when she found the cupboard empty--accept the inevitable with calm steadfastness4 ,it may even be politic to dissemble a little1 and pretend we rather enjoy it than otherwise4 ,above all1 do not appeal to the girl's friends for comfort or consolation4 ,they will only laugh at you4 ,take warning from the unfortunate young man who1 every time he met the father of his wife1 complained to him of the bad temper and disposition of his daughter4 ,at last1 upon one occasion1 the old gentleman1 becoming weary of the grumbling of his son-in-law1 exclaimed3 ,you are right1 sir2 she is an impertinent jade2 and if ,i hear any more complaints of her ,i will disinherit her4 ,a writer in ,chambers' ,journal gives some instances of matrimonial tribulation that were brought to light in the last census returns4 ,several husbands returned their wives as the heads of the families2 and one described himself as an idiot for having married his literal better-half4 ,married1 and ,i'm heartily sorry for it1 was returned in two cases2 and in quite a number of instances ,temper was entered under the head of infirmities opposite the name of the wife4 ,confessions of this sort1 besides being1 as we have already hinted1 somewhat indiscreet1 are often also supererogatory2 for conjugal dissension1 like murder1 will out2 and that sometimes in the most provoking and untimely manner4 ,it would be much better to call in the assistance of proper pride than to whine in this cowardly fashion4 ,we mortals1 says ,george ,eliot1 men and women1 devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner time2 keep back the tears and look a little pale about the lips1 and in answer to inquiries say1 ',oh1 nothing6' ,pride helps us2 and pride is not a bad thing when it only urges us to hide our own hurts--not to hurt others4 ,to feel the chains1 but take especial care the world shall not hear them clank4 ',tis a prudence that often passes for happiness4 ,it is one of the decencies of matrimony4 ,biddy1 said ,dean ,swift one day to his cook1 this leg of mutton is over-done2 take it down and do it less4 ,plaze1 your ,riverence1 replied ,biddy1 the thing is impossible4 ,well1 then1 rejoined her master1 let this be a lesson to you1 that if you must commit mistakes they1 at all events1 shall not be of such gravity as to preclude correction4 ,well would it be if people never made mistakes that preclude correction in reference to more important matters6 ,yet1 for all this1 it is a good thing that we have no fatal facility of divorce in this country1 and that a marriage once made is generally regarded as a world-without-end bargain4 ,a story has been told of a graceless scamp who gained access to the ,clarendon printing-office in ,oxford1 when a new edition of the ,prayer-book was ready for the press4 ,in that part of the forme already set up which contained the marriage service1 he substituted the letter k for the letter v in the word live2 and thus the vow to love1 honour1 comfort1 c41 so long as ye both shall live1 was made to read so long as ye both shall like6 ,the change was not discovered until the whole of the edition was printed off4 ,if the sheets are still preserved it would be a good speculation to send them to some of the ,states in ,america1 where people are exceedingly divorced4 ,may they long remain useless in ,great ,britain6 ,for nothing is more dangerous than to unite two persons so closely in all their interests and concerns as man and wife1 without rendering the union entire and total4 ,in that very interesting ,bible story of ,nabal and ,abigail1 a noble woman is seen making the best of an extremely bad matrimonial bargain4 ,if her marriage with ,nabal1 who was a churlish1 ill-tempered1 drunken fool1 was one of the worst possible1 does not her conduct teach the lesson that something may be done to mitigate the miseries of even the most frightful state of marriage8 ,who shall say how many heroines unknown to fame there are who imitate her8 ,their husbands are weak-willed1 foolish1 idle1 extravagant1 dissipated1 and generally ne'er-do-weel2 but instead of helplessly sitting down to regret their marriage-day1 they take the management of everything into their own hands1 and make the best of the inevitable by patient endurance in well-doing4 ,it is sometimes said that any husband is better than none4 ,perhaps so2 in the sense of his being a sort of domestic ,attila1 a scourge of ,god to whip the offending ,adam out of a woman and turn her into an angel1 as the wives of some bad husbands seem to become4 ,i will do anything1 says ,portia1 in the ,merchant of ,venice1 ere ,i will be married to a sponge2 and in answer to the question--,how like you the young ,german1 the ,duke of ,saxony's nephew8 she answers3 ,very vilely in the morning1 when he is sober2 and most vilely in the afternoon1 when he is drunk3 when he is best he is a little worse than a man2 and when he is worst he is little better than a beast3 an the worst fall that ever fell1 ,i hope ,i shall make shift to go without him4 ,when a poor girl has not had ,portia's discernment to discover such faults before marriage1 what can she do8 ,she can do her best4 ,what knowest thou1 ,o wife1 whether thou shalt save thy husband8 ,endeavouring to do this1 you will not only have the answer of a good conscience1 but will have taken the best precaution against falling yourself1 so that it never can be truly said of you-- ,as the husband is1 the wife is2 thou art mated with a clown1 ,and the grossness of his nature will have weight to drag thee down4 ,it has been said that to have loved and lost--either by that total disenchantment which leaves compassion as the sole substitute for love which can exist no more1 or by the slow torment which is obliged to let go day by day all that constitutes the diviner part of love1 namely1 reverence1 belief1 and trust1 yet clings desperately to the only thing left it1 a long-suffering apologetic tenderness--this lot is probably the hardest any woman can have to bear4 ,what is good for a bootless bane8-- ,and she made answer1 ',endless sorrow4' ,this answer should never have been made1 for none but the guilty can be long and completely miserable4 ,the effect and duration of sorrow greatly depends upon ourselves4 ,if thou hast a bundle of thorns in thy lot1 at least thou need'st not insist on sitting down on them4 ,nor must we forget that there is a wondrous alchemy in time and the power of ,god to transmute our sorrows1 as well as our faults and errors1 into golden blessings4 ,it is an old maxim that if one will not1 two cannot quarrel4 ,if one of the heads of a house has a bad temper1 there is all the more reason for the other to be cool and collected1 and capable of keeping domestic peace4 ,think of ,socrates1 who1 when his wife ,zanthippe concluded a fit of scolding by throwing at him a bucket of water1 quietly remarked1 ,after the thunder comes the rain4 ,and when she struck him1 to some friends who would have had him strike her again1 he replied1 that he would not make them sport1 nor that they should stand by and say1 ,eia ,socrates1 eia ,zanthippe6 as boys do when dogs fight1 animate them more by clapping hands4 ,if we would learn how to make the worst instead of the best of a matrimonial bargain1 ,adam1 the first husband1 will teach us4 ,he allowed himself to be tempted by ,eve1 and then like a true coward tried to put all the blame upon her4 ,this little bit of history repeats itself every day4 ,in the state of innocency ,adam fell2 and what should poor ,jack ,falstaff do in the days of villainy8 ,there is another way in which people make the worst instead of the best of their bad matrimonial bargains4 ,faults are thick where love is thin1 and love having become thin they exaggerate the badness of their bargains4 ,a man1 having one well-formed and one crooked leg1 was wont to test the disposition of his friends1 by observing which leg they looked at first or most4 ,surely the last people we should draw with their worst leg foremost are our life partners4 ,the best of men are only men at the best4 ,they are1 as ,sterne said1 a strange compound of contradictory qualities2 and were the accidental oversights and folly of the wisest man--the failings and imperfections of a religious man--the hasty acts and passionate words of a meek man--were they to rise up in judgment against them1 and an ill-natured judge to be suffered to mark in this manner what has been done amiss1 what character so unexceptionable as to be able to stand before him8 ,ought husbands and wives to be ill-natured judges of what is amiss8 ,let a man1 says ,seneca1 consider his own vices1 reflect upon his own follies1 and he will see that he has the greatest reason to be angry with himself4 ,the best advice to give husband and wife is to ask them to resolve in the words of ,shakespeare1 ,i will chide no breather in the world but myself1 against whom ,i know most faults4 ,why beholdest thou the mote that is in the eye of thy matrimonial bargain1 but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye8 ,when you find yourself complaining of your matrimonial bargain1 think sometimes whether you deserve a better one4 ,what right and title has thy greedy soul to domestic happiness or to any other kind of happiness8 ,fancy1 says ,carlyle1 thou deservest to be hanged 7as is most likely71 thou wilt feel it happiness to be only shot4 ,we may imagine that we deserve a perfect matrimonial bargain1 but a less partial observer like ,lord ,braxfield might make a correction in our estimate4 ,this ,scotch judge once said to an eloquent culprit at the bar1 ,ye're a verra clever chiel1 mon1 but ,i'm thinkin' ye wad be nane the waur o' a hangin'4 ,equally instructive is the story of a magistrate1 who1 when a thief remonstrated1 ,but1 sir1 ,i must live1 replied1 ,i don't recognize the necessity4 ,it is only when we cease to believe that we must have supreme domestic and other kinds of felicity1 that we are able with a contented mind to bear our share of the weary weight of all this unintelligible world4 ,in reference to marriage and to everything else in life1 we should sometimes reflect how much worse off we might be instead of how much better4 ,perhaps you are like the man who said1 ,i must put up with it1 when he had only turkey and plum pudding for dinner4 ,if1 as it has often been said1 all men brought their grievances of mind1 body1 and estate--their lunacies1 epilepsies1 cancers1 bereavement1 beggary1 imprisonment--and laid them on a heap to be equally divided1 would you share alike and take your portion1 or be as you are8 ,without question you would be as you are4 ,and perhaps if all matrimonial bargains were to be again distributed1 it would be better for you to keep what you have than to run the chance of getting worse4 ,a man who grumbled at the badness of his shoes felt ashamed on meeting with one who had no feet4 ,consider the pains which martyrs have endured1 and think how even now many people are bearing afflictions beyond all measure greater than yours1 and say1 ',of a truth my trouble is comfort1 my torments are but roses as compared to those whose life is a continual death1 without solace1 or aid1 or consolation1 borne down with a weight of grief tenfold greater than mine4' ,oft in life's stillest shade reclining1 ,in desolation unrepining1 ,without a hope on earth to find ,a mirror in an answering mind1 ,meek souls there are1 who little dream ,their daily strife an angel's theme1 ,or that the rod they take so calm ,shall prove in ,heaven a martyr's palm4 ,one of these meek souls is reported to have said to a friend1 ,you know not the joy of an accepted sorrow4 ,and of every disappointment1 we may truly say that people know not how well it may be borne until they have tried to bear it4 ,this1 which is true of disappointment in general1 is no less true of the disappointments of a married pair4 ,those who have not found in marriage all that they fondly1 and perhaps over sanguinely1 anticipated1 may1 after some time1 become to a certain extent happy though married1 if they resolve to do their best under the circumstances4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,marriage ,,considered ,,as ,a ,,discipline ,,of ,,character4 ,certainly wife and children are a kind of ,discipline of ,humanity4--,bacon4 ,i well remember the bright assenting laugh which she 7,mrs4 ,carlyle7 once responded to some words of mine1 when the propriety was being discussed of relaxing the marriage laws4 ,i had said that the true way to look at marriage was as a discipline of character4--,froude4 ,did you ever see anything so absurd as a horse sprawling like that8 ,this was the hasty exclamation of a connoisseur on taking up a small cabinet picture4 ,excuse me1 replied the owner1 you hold it the wrong way3 it is a horse galloping4 ,so much depends upon the way we look at things4 ,in the preceding chapter we spoke of making the best of bad matrimonial bargains4 ,perhaps it would help some people to do this if they looked at marriage from a different point of view--if they considered it as a discipline of character rather than as a short cut to the highest heaven of happiness4 ,certainly this is a practical point of view1 and it may be that those who marry in this spirit are more likely to use their matrimony rightly than those who start with happiness as their only goal4 ,that people get happiness by being willing to pass it by and do without it rather than by directly pursuing it1 is as true of domestic felicity as of other kinds4 ,ven you're a married man1 ,samivel1 says ,mr4 ,weller to his son ,sam1 you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now2 but vether it's worth while going through so much to learn so little1 as the charity boy said ven he got to the end of the alphabet1 is a matter o' taste3 ,i rayther think it isn't4 ,strange that a philosopher of the senior ,mr4 ,weller's profundity should underestimate in this way the value of matrimony as a teacher4 ,we have it on the authority of a widower who was thrice married1 that his first wife cured his romance1 the second taught him humility1 and the third made him a philosopher4 ,another veteran believes that five or six years of married life will often reduce a naturally irascible man to so angelic a condition that it would hardly be safe to trust him with a pair of wings4 ,webster asks-- ,what do you think of marriage8 ,i think1 as those do who deny purgatory1 ,it locally contains either heaven or hell1 ,there is no third place in it4 ,is this true8 ,we think not1 for we know many married people who live in a third place1 the existence of which is here denied4 ,they are neither intensely happy nor intensely miserable2 but they lose many faults1 and are greatly developed in character by passing through a purgatorial existence4 ,nor is this an argument against matrimony1 except to those who deny that it is better to be seven times in the furnace than to come out unpurified4 ,sweet are the uses of this and every other adversity when these words of ,sir ,arthur ,helps are applicable to its victims or rather victors3 ,that man is very strong and powerful who has no more hopes for himself1 who looks not to be loved any more1 to be admired any more1 to have any more honour or dignity1 and who cares not for gratitude2 but whose sole thought is for others1 and who only lives on for them4 ,the young husband may imagine that he only takes a wife to add to his own felicity2 taking no account of the possibility of meeting a disposition and temper which may1 without caution1 mar and blight his own4 ,women are not angels1 although in their ministrations they make a near approach to them4 ,women1 no more than men1 are free from human infirmities2 the newly-married man must therefore calculate upon the necessity of amendment in his wife as well as of that necessity in himself4 ,the process1 however1 as well as the result of the process1 will yield a rich reward4 ,at a minister's festival meeting ,our ,wives was one of the toasts4 ,one of the brethren1 whose wife had a temper of her own1 on being sportively asked if he would drink it1 exclaimed1 ,aye1 heartily2 ,mine brings me to my knees in prayer a dizzen times a day1 an' nane o' you can say the same o' yours4 ,if even bad matrimonial bargains have so much influence in disciplining character1 how much more may be learned from a happy marriage6 ,without it a man or woman is ,scarce half made up4 ,the enjoyments of celibacy1 whatever they may be1 are narrow in their range1 and belong to only a portion of our nature2 and whatever the excellences of the bachelor's character1 he can never attain to a perfected manhood so long as such a large and important part of his nature as the affections for the gratification of which marriage provides1 is unexercised and undeveloped4 ,there are in his nature latent capabilities1 both of enjoyment and affection1 which find no expression4 ,he is lacking in moral symmetry4 ,the motives from which he keeps himself free from marriage responsibilities may be worthy of the highest respect1 but this does not hinder his character from being less disciplined than it might have been4 ,for indeed ,i know ,of no more subtle master under heaven ,than is the maiden passion for a maid1 ,not only to keep down the base in man1 ,but teach high thoughts and amiable words1 ,and love of truth1 and all that makes a man4 ,on both sides marriage brings into play some of the purest and loftiest feelings of which our nature is capable4 ,the feeling of identity of interest implied in the marriage relation--the mutual confidence which is the natural result--the tender1 chivalrous regard of the husband for his wife as one who has given herself to him--the devotion and respect of the wife for the husband as one to whom she has given herself--their mutual love attracted first by the qualities seen or imagined by each in the other1 and afterwards strengthened by the consciousness of being that object's best beloved--these feelings exert a purifying1 refining1 elevating influence1 and are more akin to the religious than any other feelings4 ,love1 like all things here1 is education4 ,it renders us wise by expanding the soul and stimulating the mental powers4 ,yes1 love indeed is light from heaven3 ,a spark of that immortal fire ,with angels shared1 by ,allah given1 ,to lift from earth our low desire4 ,devotion wafts the mind above1 ,but heaven itself descends in love2 ,a feeling from the ,godhead caught1 ,to wean from self each sordid thought2 ,a ray of ,him who formed the whole2 ,a glory circling round the soul6 ,it has been well said1 ,the first condition of human goodness is something to love2 the second1 something to reverence4 ,both these conditions meet in a well-chosen alliance4 ,married people may so abuse matrimony as to make it a very school for scandal2 but it may and ought to be what ,sir ,thomas ,more's home was said to be1 a school and exercise of the ,christian religion4 ,no wrangling1 no angry word1 was heard in it2 no one was idle2 every one did his duty with alacrity and not without a temperate cheerfulness4 ,this atmosphere of love and duty which pervaded his home must have been owing in a great measure to the household goodness of ,sir ,thomas himself4 ,for though his first wife was all that he could have desired1 his second was ill-tempered and little capable of appreciating the lofty principles that actuated her husband4 ,i have lived--,i have laboured--,i have loved4 ,i have lived in them ,i loved1 laboured for them ,i loved1 loved them for whom ,i laboured4 ,well might ,sir ,thomas add after this reflection1 ,my labour hath not been in vain2 for to say nothing of its effect upon others1 how it must have disciplined his own character6 ,there is nothing1 you say1 in the drudgery of domestic life to soften4 ,no2 but1 as ,robertson of ,brighton says1 a great deal to strengthen with the sense of duty done1 self-control1 and power4 ,besides you cannot calculate how much corroding rust is kept off1 how much of disconsolate1 dull despondency is hindered4 ,daily use is not the jeweller's mercurial polish1 but it will keep your little silver pencil from tarnishing4 ,family life1 says ,sainte-,beuve1 may be full of thorns and cares2 but they are fruitful3 all others are dry thorns4 ,and again3 ,if a man's home at a certain period of life does not contain children1 it will probably be found filled with follies or with vices4 ,even if it were a misfortune to be married1 which we emphatically deny1 has not the old ,roman moralist taught us that1 to escape misfortune is to want instruction1 and that to live at ease is to live in ignorance8 ,misfortune to be married8 ,rather not4 ,life with all it yields of joy and woe ,and hope and fear4444 ,is just our chance o' the prize of the learning love-- ,how love might be1 hath been indeed1 and is4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,being ,,married4 ,if ever one is to pray--if ever one is to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and vain babble1 surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings binding themselves to one another1 for better and for worse till death part them4--,letters and ,memorials of ,jane ,welsh ,carlyle4 ,an elderly unmarried lady of ,scotland1 after reading aloud to her two sisters1 also unmarried1 the births1 marriages1 and deaths in the ladies' corner of a newspaper1 thus moralized3 ,weel1 weel1 these are solemn events--death and marriage2 but ye ken they're what we must all come to4 ,eh1 ,miss ,jeanny1 but ye have been lang spared6 was the reply of the youngest sister4 ,those who in our thoughts were represented as being only in prospect of marriage are spared no longer4 ,they have now come to what they had to come to--a day so full of gladness1 and so full of pain--a day only second in importance to the day of birth2 in a word1 to their wedding day4 ,are they sad or merry8 ,like to the time o' the year between the extremes ,of hot and cold3 they are nor sad nor merry4 ,and yet few on such a day are as collected as the late ,duke of ,sutherland is said to have been4 ,just two hours before the time fixed for his marriage with one of the most beautiful women in ,england1 a friend came upon him in ,st4 ,james's ,park1 leaning carelessly over the railings at the edge of the water1 throwing crumbs to the waterfowl4 ,what6 you here to-day6 ,i thought you were going to be married this morning8 ,yes1 replied the duke1 without moving an inch or stopping his crumb-throwing1 ,i believe ,i am4 ,to men of a shyer and more nervous temperament1 to be married without chloroform is a very painful operation4 ,they find it difficult to screw their courage to the marrying place4 ,on one occasion a bridegroom so far forgot what was due to himself and his bride as to render himself unfit to take the vows through too frequent recourse on the wedding morn to the cup that cheers--and inebriates4 ,the minister was obliged to refuse to proceed with the marriage4 ,a few days later1 the same thing occurred with the same couple2 whereupon the minister gravely remonstrated with the bride1 and said they must not again present themselves with the bridegroom in such a state4 ,but1 sir1 he--he winna come when he's sober1 was the candid rejoinder4 ,it is possible that this bridegroom1 whose courage was so very ,dutch1 might have been deterred by the impending fuss and publicity of a marriage ceremony1 rather than by any fear of or want of affection for her who was to become his wife4 ,even in the best assorted marriages there is always more or less anxiety felt upon the wedding-day4 ,the possibility of a hitch arising from a sudden change of inclination on the part of the principals is ludicrously illustrated by the case of two couples who on one occasion presented themselves at the ,mayoralty1 in a suburb of ,paris1 to carry out the civil portion of their marriage contract4 ,during the ceremony one of the bridegrooms saw1 or fancied he saw1 his partner making sheep's-eyes at the bridegroom opposite4 ,being of a jealous temperament1 he laid his hand roughly on her arm1 and said sharply3 ,mademoiselle1 which of the two brides are you8 ,you are mine1 ,i believe3 then oblige me by confining your glances to me4 ,the bride was a young woman of spirit1 and resenting the tone in which the reprimand was made1 retorted3 ,ah1 ,monsieur1 if you are jealous already1 ,i am likely to lead a pleasant life with you6 ,the jealous bridegroom made an angry reply2 and then the other bridegroom must needs put his oar in4 ,this led to a general dispute1 which the ,mayor in vain endeavoured to quell4 ,the bridegrooms stormed at each other2 and the brides1 between their hysterical sobs1 mutually accused each other of perfidy4 ,at length the ,mayor1 as a last resource1 adjourned the ceremony for half an hour1 to admit of an amicable understanding being arrived at1 both brides having refused to proceed with the celebration of the nuptials4 ,when1 at the expiration of the half-hour1 the parties were summoned to reappear1 they did so1 to the amazement of the bewildered ,mayor1 in an altogether different order from that in which they had originally entered4 ,the bridegrooms had literally effected an exchange of brides--the jealous bridegroom taking the jealous bride2 and the other1 the lady whose fickle glances had led to the rupture4 ,all four adhering to the new arrangement1 the ,mayor1 it is recorded1 had no alternative but to proceed with the ceremony4 ,the ruling passion is not more strongly felt in death than in marriage4 ,dr4 ,johnson displayed the sturdiness of his character as he journeyed with the lady of his choice from ,birmingham to ,derby1 at which last place they were to be married4 ,their ride thither1 which we give in the bridegroom's own words1 is an amusing bit of literary history4 ,sir1 she had read the old romances1 and had got into her head the fantastical notion that a woman of spirit should use her lover like a dog4 ,so1 sir1 at first she told me that ,i rode too fast1 and she could not keep up with me3 and when ,i rode a little slower1 she passed me1 and complained that ,i lagged behind4 ,i was not to be made the slave of caprice2 and ,i resolved to begin as ,i meant to end4 ,i therefore pushed on briskly1 till ,i was fairly out of her sight4 ,the road lay between two hedges1 so ,i was sure she could not miss it2 and ,i contrived that she should soon come up with me4 ,when she did1 ,i observed her to be in tears4 ,on the wedding-day of the celebrated ,m4 ,pasteur1 who has made such extraordinary discoveries about germs1 the hour appointed for the ceremony had arrived1 but the bridegroom was not there4 ,some friends rushed off to the laboratory and found him very busy with his apron on4 ,he was excessively cross at being disturbed1 and declared that marriage might wait1 but his experiments could not do so4 ,he would indeed be a busy man who could not make time for a marriage ceremony as brief as that which was employed in the celebration of a marriage in ,iowa1 ,united ,states4 ,the bride and bridegroom were told to join their hands1 and then asked3 ,do you want one another8 ,both replied3 ,yes4 ,well1 then1 have one another2 and the couple were man and wife4 ,most people1 however1 desire a more reverent solemnization of marriage1 which may be viewed in two aspects--as a natural institution1 and as a religious ordinance4 ,in the ,old ,testament we see it as a natural institution2 in the ,new1 it is brought before us in a religious light4 ,it is there likened to the union of ,christ and the ,church4 ,the union of ,christ and the ,church is not illustrated by marriage1 but marriage by this spiritual union2 that is1 the natural is based upon the spiritual4 ,and this is what is wanted2 it gives marriage a religious signification1 and it thus becomes a kind of semi-sacrament4 ,the illustration teaches that in order to be happy though married the principle of sacrifice must rule the conduct of the married4 ,as no love between man and wife can be true which does not issue in a sacrifice of each for the other1 so ,christ gave ,himself for ,his ,church and the ,church sacrifices itself to ,his service4 ,the only true love is self-devotion1 and the every-day affairs of married life must fail without this principle of self-sacrifice or the cross of ,christ4 ,would to ,god that ,his dear ,son were bidden to all weddings as to that of ,cana6 ,truly then the wine of consolation and blessing would never be lacking4 ,he who desires that the young of his flock should be like ,jacob's1 fair and ring-straked1 must set fair objects before their eyes2 and he who would find a blessing in his marriage1 must ponder the holiness and dignity of this mystery1 instead of which too often weddings become a season of mere feasting and disorder4 ,a new home is being formed in reference to which the bride and groom should think1 ,this is none other but the house of ,god1 and this is the gate of heaven4 ,as for me and my house1 we will serve the ,lord4 ,the parish church is called ,god's ,house2 but if all the parishioners rightly used their matrimony1 every house in the parish might be called the same4 ,home is the place of the highest joys2 religion should sanctify it4 ,home is the sphere of the deepest sorrows2 the highest consolation of religion should assuage its griefs4 ,home is the place of the greatest intimacy of heart with heart2 religion should sweeten it with the joy of confidence4 ,home discovers all faults2 religion should bless it with the abundance of charity4 ,home is the place for impressions1 for instruction and culture2 there should religion open her treasures of wisdom and pronounce her heavenly benediction4 ,an old minister previous to the meeting of the ,general ,assembly of the ,church of ,scotland used to pray that the assembly might be so guided as no to do ony harm4 ,we have often thought that such a prayer as this would be an appropriate commencement for the marriage service4 ,considering the issues that are involved in marriage--the misery unto the third and fourth generation that may result from it--those who join together man and woman in matrimony ought to pray that in doing so they may do no harm4 ,certainly the opening exhortation of the ,church of ,england marriage service is sufficiently serious4 ,it begins by proclaiming the sacredness of marriage as a ,divine institution2 hallowed as a type of the mystical union between ,christ and ,his ,church2 honoured 7even in its festive aspect7 by ,our ,lord's presence and first miracle at ,cana of ,galilee2 declared to be honourable among all men2 and therefore not by any to be enterprised1 nor taken in hand1 unadvisedly1 lightly1 or wantonly2 but reverently1 discreetly1 advisedly1 soberly1 and in the fear of ,god2 duly considering the causes for which ,matrimony was ordained4 ,these are explained in words plain-spoken almost to coarseness before allusion is made to the higher moral relation of mutual society1 help1 and comfort which marriage creates4 ,then follows the betrothal in which the man plights his troth 7pledges his truth71 taking the initiative1 while the woman gives hers in return3 ,the 'wilt thou1' answered1 and again ,the 'wilt thou' asked1 till out of twain ,her sweet ',i will' has made ye one4 ,the joining of hands is from time immemorial the pledge of covenant--we shake hands over a bargain--and is here an essential part of the marriage ceremony4 ,the use of the ring is described in the prayer that follows as the token of the marriage covenant--from the man the token of his confiding to his wife all authority over what is his1 and for the woman the badge of belonging to his house4 ,the old service has a quaint rubric declaring it put on the fourth finger of the left hand1 because thence there is a vein leading direct to the heart4 ,the ,prayer ,book of ,edward ,,vi4 directs that the man shall give unto the woman a ring1 and other tokens of spousage1 as gold or silver1 laying the same upon the book4 ,this is clearly the ancient bride price4 ,wheatly's ,book of ,common ,prayer says1 ,this lets us into the design of the ring1 and intimates it to be the remains of an ancient custom whereby it was usual for the man to purchase the woman4 ,the words to be spoken by the man are taken from the old service1 still using the ancient word worship 7worth--ship7 for service and honour4 ,they declare the dedication both of person and substance to the marriage bond4 ,the ,blessing is one of singular beauty and solemnity4 ,it not only invokes ,god's favour to bless1 preserve1 and keep the newly-made husband and wife in this world1 but looks beyond it to the life hereafter1 for which nothing can so well prepare them as a well-spent wedded life here4 ,it is said that among the natives of ,india the cost to a father of marrying his daughter is about equal to having his house burnt down4 ,although brides are not so expensive in this country much money is wasted on the wedding and preliminaries which would be very useful to the young people a year or two afterwards4 ,we would not advise that there should be no wedding-breakfast and that the bride should have no trousseau2 but we do think that these accessories should be in accordance with the family exchequer4 ,again1 wedding presents are often the very articles that the young couple need least1 and are not unfrequently found to be duplicates of the gifts of other persons4 ,but we cannot linger over the wedding festivities4 ,adieu1 young friends6 and may joy crown you1 love bless you1 ,god speed your career6 ,some natural tears they dropp'd1 but wip'd them soon2 ,the world was all before them1 where to choose ,their place of rest1 and ,providence their guide4 ,they1 hand in hand1 with wand'ring steps and slow1 ,through ,eden took their solitary way4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,honeymooning4 ,the importance of the honeymoon1 which had been so much vaunted to him by his father1 had not held good4--,the ,married ,life of ,albert ,durer4 ,the honeymoon is defined by ,johnson to be the first month after marriage1 when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure4 ,and certainly it ought to be the happiest month in our lives2 but it may1 like every other good thing1 be spoiled by mismanagement4 ,when this is the case1 we take our honeymoon like other pleasures--sadly4 ,instead of happy reminiscences1 nothing is left of it except its jars4 ,you take1 says the philosophical observer1 a man and a woman1 who in nine cases out of ten know very little about each other 7though they generally fancy they do71 you cut off the woman from all her female friends1 you deprive the man of his ordinary business and ordinary pleasures1 and you condemn this unhappy pair to spend a month of enforced seclusion in each other's society4 ,if they marry in the summer and start on a tour1 the man is oppressed with a plethora of sight-seeing1 while the lady1 as often as not1 becomes seriously ill from fatigue and excitement4 ,a newly-married man took his bride on a tour to ,switzerland for the honeymoon1 and when there induced her to attempt with him the ascent of one of the high peaks4 ,the lady1 who at home had never ascended a hill higher than a church1 was much alarmed1 and had to be carried by the guides with her eyes blindfolded1 so as not to witness the horrors of the passage4 ,the bridegroom walked close to her1 expostulating respecting her fear4 ,he spoke in honeymoon whispers2 but the rarefaction of the air was such that every word was audible4 ,you told me1 ,leonora1 that you always felt happy--no matter where you were--so long as you were in my company4 ,then why are you not happy now8 ,yes1 ,charles1 ,i did1 replied she2 sobbing hysterically2 but ,i never meant above the snow line4 ,it is at such times as these that awkward angles of temper make themselves manifest1 which1 under a more sensible system1 might have been concealed for years1 perhaps for ever4 ,boswell called upon ,dr4 ,johnson on the morning of the day on which he was to leave for ,scotland--for matrimonial purposes4 ,the prospect of connubial felicity had made the expectant husband voluble2 he therefore took courage to recite to the sage a little love-song which he had himself composed and which ,dibdin was to set to music3 ,a ,,matrimonial ,,thought4 ,in the blythe days of honeymoon1 ,with ,kate's allurements smitten1 ,i loved her late1 ,i loved her soon1 ,and called her dearest kitten4 ,but now my kitten's grown a cat1 ,and cross like other wives1 ,oh6 by my soul1 my honest ,mat1 ,i fear she has nine lives4 ,johnson3 ,it is very well1 sir1 but you should not swear4 ,whereupon the obnoxious ,oh6 by my soul1 was changed on the instant to ,alas6 alas6 ,if the kitten should develop into a cat even before the blythe days of honeymoon are ended1 it is no wonder1 considering the way some young couples spend the first month of married life1 rushing from one continental city to another1 and visiting all the churches and picture-galleries1 however scorching may be the weather or however great may be their secret aversion to art and antiquity4 ,the lady gives way to fatigue1 and is seized with a violent headache4 ,for a while the young husband thinks that it is rather nice to support his ,kate's head1 but when she answers his sympathetic inquiries sharply and petulantly1 he in turn becomes less amiable1 dazzling1 enchanting1 and1 in a word1 all that as a fiance he had been4 ,winter honeymooning is even more trying to the temper1 for then short days and unfavourable weather compel the young couple to stay in one place4 ,imagine the delights of a month spent in lodgings at the seaside1 with nothing to do except to get photographed1 which is a favourite pastime of the newly-married4 ,the bride may be indifferent to the rain and sleet beating against the windows1 for she can spend the time writing to her friends long and enthusiastic descriptions of her happiness2 but what can the unlucky bridegroom do8 ,he subscribes to the circulating library1 reads a series of novels aloud to his wife1 and illustrates every amatory passage with a kiss4 ,but the dear old boy 7as the bride calls him7 tires of this sort of thing after a week1 and how can he then amuse himself8 ,he stares out of windows1 he watches the arrival of the milkman and the butcher with the liveliest interest2 he envies the coastguardsman1 who is perpetually on the look-out for invisible smugglers through a portentously long telescope4 ,cases have been known where the bridegroom--a ,city man--being driven to desperation1 has privately ordered the office journal and ledger to be sent down by luggage train1 and has devoted his evenings to checking the additions in those interesting volumes4 ,when ,hodge and his sweetheart crown their pastoral loves in the quiet old country church1 they take a pleasant drive or a walk in their finery1 and settle down at once to connubial comfort in the cot beside the wood4 ,why do their richer neighbours deny themselves this happiness and invent special troubles8 ,why1 during the early weeks of married life1 do they lay up sad memories of provoking mistakes1 of trunks which will not pack1 of trains which will not wait1 of tiresome sight-seeing1 of broiling sun1 of headache1 of the fretful stir unprofitable1 and the fever of honeymooning abroad8 ,many a bridegroom but just returned from a delightful tour on the ,continent will be able to sympathize in the remark of the country farmer to a companion in the train1 as he went to town to buy hay4 ,yes1 it's been a bad winter for some folk4 ,old ,smith's dead1 and so is ,jones1 and my wife died yesterday4 ,and how be the hay1 master8 ,we do not want excitement during the honeymoon1 for are we not in love 7if we are not we ought to be ashamed of ourselves71 and is not love all-sufficient8 ,last week we only saw the object of our affections by fits and starts as it were2 now we have her or him all to ourselves4 ,who hath not felt that breath in the air1 ,a perfume and freshness strange and rare1 ,a warmth in the light1 and a bliss everywhere1 ,when young hearts yearn together8 ,all sweets below1 and all sunny above1 ,oh6 there's nothing in life like making love1 ,save making hay in fine weather4 ,let cynics say what they will1 the honeymoon1 when not greatly mismanaged1 is a halcyon period4 ,it is a delightful lull between two distinct states of existence1 and the married man is not to be envied who can recall no pleasant reminiscences of it4 ,what profane outsiders consider very dull has a charm of its own to honeymoon lovers who illumine life with dreaming1 and who see-- ,golden visions wave and hover1 ,golden vapours1 waters streaming1 ,landscapes moving1 changing1 gleaming6 ,still1 we cannot but think that if a wedding tour must be taken it should be short1 quiet1 free-and-easy1 and inexpensive4 ,at some future time1 when the young people are less agitated and have learned to understand each other better1 the time and money saved will be available for a more extended holiday4 ,during the honeymoon there should be marches hymeneal in the land of the ideal rather than globe-trotting2 thoughts moved o'er fields ,elysian rather than over the perplexing pages of ,bradshaw's ,general ,railway and ,steam ,navigation ,guide4 ,in reference to the honeymoon1 as to other matters1 people's opinions differ according to their temperaments and circumstances4 ,so we shall conclude this chapter by quoting two nearly opposite opinions1 and ask our readers to decide for themselves4 ,in the ,memoir of ,daniel ,macmillan his opinion is thus stated3 ,that going out for the honeymoon is a most wise and useful invention2 it enables you to be so constantly together1 and to obtain a deeper knowledge of each other2 and it also helps one to see and feel the preciousness of such intimacy as nothing else could4 ,intercourse in the presence of others never leads below the surface1 and it is in the very depths of our being that true calm1 deep and true peace and love lie4 ,nothing so well prepares for the serious duties of after-life4 ,as to long honeymoons1 says the ,bishop of ,rochester1 most sensible people have come utterly to disbelieve in them4 ,they are a forced homage to utterly false ideas2 they are a waste of money at a moment when every shilling is wanted for much more pressing objects2 they are a loss of time1 which soon comes to be dreary and weary4 ,most of all1 they are a risk for love1 which ought not so soon to be so unpleasantly tested by the inevitable petulances of a secret ennui4 ,six days by all means1 and then1 oh6 happy friends1 go straight home4444 ,whenever you come back1 six weeks hence or one1 you will have just as much to stand the fire of a little hard staring which won't hurt you1 and of bright pleasantness which need not vex you2 and the sooner you are at home1 the sooner you will find out what married happiness means4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,marriage ,,vows4 ,better is it that thou shouldest not vow1 than that thou shouldest vow and not pay4--,ecclesiastes v4 #e4 ,the honeymoon is over1 and our young couple have exchanged their chrysalis condition for the pleasures and duties of ordinary married life4 ,let them begin by forming the highest ideal of marriage4 ,now1 and on every anniversary of their wedding day1 they should seriously reflect upon those vows which are too often taken1 either in entire ignorance of their meaning and import1 or thoughtlessly1 as though they were mere incidents of the marriage ceremony4 ,a ,hampshire incumbent recently reported some of the blunders he had heard made in the marriage service1 by that class of persons who have to pick up the words as best they can from hearing them repeated by others4 ,he said that in his own parish it was quite the fashion for the man1 when giving the ring1 to say to the woman3 ,with my body ,i thee wash up1 and with all my hurdle goods ,i thee and thou4 ,he said the women were generally better up in this part of the service than the men4 ,one day1 however1 a bride startled him by promising1 in what she supposed to be language of the ,prayer ,book1 to take her husband to 'ave and to 'old from this day fortn't1 for betterer horse1 for richerer power1 in siggerness health1 to love cherries1 and to bay4 ,we have heard of an ignorant bridegroom1 who1 confusing the baptismal and marriage services1 replied1 when asked if he consented to take the bride for his wife3 ,i renounce them all6 ,it is to be hoped that the times of such ignorance are either passed or passing2 still1 a little instruction in reference to marriage vows might be given with advantage in some churches4 ,in one of his letters ,byron tells a story of a learned ,jew1 who was remarkable1 in the brilliant circles to which his learning gained him admittance1 for his habit of asking questions continuously and fearlessly1 in order to get at the bottom of any matter in discussion4 ,to a person who was complaining of the ,prince ,regent's bad treatment of his old boon companions1 this habitual interrogator cried across a dinner-table3 ,and why does the prince act so8 ,because he was told so-and-so by ,lord ----2 who ought to be ashamed of himself6 was the answer4 ,but why1 sir1 has the prince cut you8 inquired the searcher after truth4 ,because ,i stuck to my principles--yes1 sir1 because ,i stuck to my principles6 replied the other1 testily1 thinking that his examination was ended4 ,and why did you stick to your principles8 cried the interrogator1 throwing the table into a roar of laughter1 the mirth being no more due to the inquisitor's persistence than to his inability to conceive that any man would stick to his principles simply because he believed them to be right4 ,are there not some educated as well as uneducated people who seem to be quite as incapable of conceiving that they should keep their marriage vows1 simply because it is dishonourable and wicked to break them8 ,a mother having become alarmed about the failing state of her daughter's health1 and not being able to get much satisfaction from a consultation with the village doctor1 took her to a ,london physician for further advice4 ,he asked a few questions as to the girl's daily habits and mode of life1 carefully stethoscoped her heart and lungs1 and then gave an involuntary sigh4 ,the mother grew pale1 and waited anxiously for a verdict ,madam1 he said1 so far as ,i can discover1 your daughter is suffering from a most serious complaint1 which1 for want of a better name1 ,i shall call 'dulness4' ,perhaps it is in your power to cure it4 ,i have no medicine which is a specific for this disease4 ,girls1 who suffer in this way1 too often prescribe for themselves marriage with men whom they cannot love1 honour1 and obey4 ,this is as bad as dram-drinking1 or gambling2 but what else can the poor things do8 ,they have not been trained like their brothers to useful work1 and have always been told that woman's first1 best occupation is--to be a wife4 ,to which it may be answered-- ,most true2 but to make a mere business of marriage1 ,to call it a 'living1' 'vocation1' 'career1' ,is but to pervert1 to degrade1 and disparage ,a contract of all the most sacred and dear4 ,nor will those vows be regarded with greater sanctity which are taken against the inclination4 ,better to be as candid as the girl who1 forced by her parents into a disagreeable match1 when the clergyman came to that part of the service where the bride is asked if she will have the bridegroom for her husband1 said1 with great simplicity1 ,oh dear1 no1 sir2 but you are the first person who has asked my opinion about the matter6 ,let us think now what the vows are which1 at the altar of ,god1 and in the presence of our fellow-creatures1 we solemnly vow4 ,both the man and the woman vow to love1 honour1 cherish1 and be faithful1 for better for worse1 for richer for poorer1 in sickness and health1 till death part them4 ,then the husband promises to comfort his wife1 and the wife to serve and obey her husband4 ,a ,scotch lady1 whose daughter was recently married1 was asked by an old friend whether she might congratulate her upon the event4 ,yes1 yes1 she answered2 upon the whole it is very satisfactory2 it is true ,jeannie hates her gudeman1 but then there's always a something4 ,the old friend might have told this ,scotch lady that in making light of love she made light of that which was needful to hallow her daughter's marriage2 and that even the blessing of a bishop in the most fashionable church does not prevent a loveless alliance from being a sacrifice of true chastity4 ,contrast the indifference of this ,scotch lady in reference to matrimonial love1 with the value set upon it in a letter which ,pliny the ,younger1 who was a heathen1 wrote concerning his wife1 ,calpurnia1 to her aunt4 ,it is quoted by ,dr4 ,cook as follows3 ,she loves me1 the surest pledge of her virtue1 and adds to this a wonderful disposition to learning1 which she has acquired from her affection to me4 ,she reads my writings1 studies them1 and even gets them by heart4 ,you would smile to see the concern she is in when ,i have a cause to plead1 and the joy she shows when it is over4 ,she finds means to have the first news brought her of the success ,i meet with in court4 ,if ,i recite anything in public1 she cannot refrain from placing herself privately in some corner to hear4 ,sometimes she accompanies my verses with the lute1 without any master except love--the best of instructors4 ,from these instances ,i take the most certain omens of our perpetual and increasing happiness1 since her affection is not founded on my youth or person1 which must gradually decay2 but she is in love with the immortal part of me4 ,the second vow taken by both the man and the woman is to honour4 ,likewise1 ye husbands1 dwell with them according to knowledge1 giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel4 ,and the wife see that she reverence her husband4 ,the weaker vessel is to be honoured1 not because she is weak1 but because1 being weak1 she acts her part so well4 ,and even if the wife's courage and endurance should sometimes fail1 a good husband would not withhold honour from her on that account4 ,he would remember her weaker nature1 and her more delicate physical frame1 her more acute nervous sensibility1 her greater sensitiveness and greater trials1 the peculiar troubles to which she is subject4 ,in a lately published ,narrative of a ,journey through the ,south ,china ,border ,lands1 we are told that a wife in this part of the world1 when mentioned by her husband1 which happens as seldom as possible1 is called ,my dull thorn1 ,the thorn in my ribs1 or ,the mean one of the inner rooms4 ,this is the way not to honour a wife4 ,but the honour which a husband should give is not merely that chivalrous bearing which the strong owe to the weak1 and which every woman has a right to expect from every man4 ,in describing a husband who was in the habit of honouring his wife1 ,dr4 ,landels remarks that one could not be in his presence without feeling it4 ,never a word escaped his lips which reflected directly or indirectly on her4 ,never an action he performed would have led to the impression that there could be any difference between them4 ,she was the queen of his home4 ,all about them felt that in his estimation1 and by his desire1 her authority was unimpeachable1 and her will law4 ,and the effect of his example was that children and friends and domestics alike hedged her about with sweet respect4 ,a man of strong will himself1 his was never known to be in collision with hers2 and1 without any undue yielding1 the homage which he paid to his wife made their union one of the happiest it has ever been our privilege to witness4 ,and the wife1 on her part1 is to reverence and honour her husband as long as she possibly can4 ,if possible1 she should let her husband suppose that she thinks him a good husband1 and it will be a strong stimulus to his being so4 ,as long as he thinks he possesses the character1 he will take some pains to deserve it2 but when he has lost the name he will be very apt to abandon the reality altogether4 ,to treat men as if they were better than they are is the surest way to make them better than they are4 ,keats tells us that he has met with women who would like to be married to a ,poem1 and given away by a ,novel2 but wives must not cease to honour their husbands on discovering that instead of being poetical and romantic they are very ordinary1 imperfect beings4 ,there are homes where poverty has never left its pinch nor sickness paid its visit2 homes where there is plenty on the board1 and health in the circle1 and yet where a skeleton more grim than death haunts the cupboard1 and an ache harsher than consumption's tooth gnaws sharply at the heart4 ,why do those shoulders stoop so early ere life's noon has passed8 ,why is it that the sigh which follows the closing of the door after the husband has gone off to business is a sigh of relief1 and that which greets his coming footstep is a sigh of dread8 ,what means that nervous pressing of the hand against the heart1 the gulping back of the lump that rises in the throat1 the forced smile1 and the pressed-back tear8 ,if we could but speak to the husbands who haunt these homes1 we would tell them that some such soliloquy as the following is ever passing like a laboured breath through the distracted minds of their wives3 ,is this the ,canaan1 this the land of promise1 this the milk and honey that were pictured to my fancy2 when the walks among the lanes1 and fields1 and flowers were all too short1 and the whispers were so loving1 and the pressure was so fond1 and the heart-beat was so passionate8 ,for what have ,i surrendered home1 youth1 beauty1 freedom1 love--all that a woman has to give in all her wealth of confidence8 ,harsh tones1 cold looks1 stern words1 short answers1 sullen reserve4 ,what1 says the cheery neighbour1 is that all8 ,all6 ,what more is needed to make home dark1 to poison hope1 to turn life into a funeral1 the marriage-robe into a shroud1 and the grave into a refuge8 ,it does not want drunkenness1 blows1 bruises1 clenched fists1 oaths1 to work sacrilege in the temple of the home2 only a little ice where the fire should glow2 only a cold look where the love should burn2 only a sneer where there ought to be a smile4 ,husband6 that wife of yours is wretched because you are a liar2 because you perjured yourself when you vowed to love and cherish4 ,you are too great a coward to beat her brains out with a poker lest the gallows claim you2 but you are so little of a man that you poison her soul with the slow cruelty of an oath daily foresworn and brutally ignored4 ,if the ducking-stool was a punishment of old for a scolding wife1 a fiercer baptism should await the husband who has ceased to cherish his wife4 ,as regards the vow of fidelity we need only quote these words of the prophet ,malachi3 ,the ,lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth1 against whom thou hast dealt treacherously3 yet she is thy companion1 and the wife of thy covenant4 ,and did not he make one8 ,therefore take heed to your spirit1 and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth4 ,but there are absentee husbands and wives who1 though they are not guilty of breaking the seventh commandment1 do by no means keep the promise of keeping only to their wives and husbands4 ,if a man come home only when other places are shut1 or when his money is all gone1 or when nobody else wants him1 is he not telling his wife and family1 as plainly by deeds as he could possibly by words1 that he takes more delight in other company than in theirs8 ,charles ,lamb used to feel that there was something of dishonesty in any pleasures which he took without his lunatic sister4 ,a good man will feel something like this in reference to his wife and children4 ,but though men should love their homes1 it is quite possible for them to be too much at home4 ,this at least is the opinion of most wives4 ,there is everywhere a disposition to pack off the men in the morning and to bid them keep out of the way till towards evening1 when it is assumed they will probably have a little news of the busy world to bring home1 and when baby will be sure to have said something exceptionally brilliant and precocious4 ,the general events of the day will afford topics of conversation more interesting by far than if the whole household had been together from morning till night4 ,men about home all day are fidgety1 grumpy1 and interfering--altogether objectionable1 in short4 ,as a rule it is when things are going wrong that women show to the best advantage4 ,every one can remember illustrations4 ,we have one in the following story of ,hawthorne1 which was told to ,mr4 ,conway by an intimate friend of the novelist4 ,one wintry day ,hawthorne received at his office notification that his services would no longer be required4 ,with heaviness of heart he repaired to his humble home4 ,his young wife recognizes the change and stands waiting for the silence to be broken4 ,at length he falters1 ,i am removed from office4 ,then she leaves the room2 she returns with fuel and kindles a bright fire with her own hands2 next she brings pen1 paper1 ink1 and sets them beside him4 ,then she touches the sad man on the shoulder1 and1 as he turns to the beaming face1 says1 ,now you can write your book4 ,the cloud cleared away4 ,the lost office looked like a cage from which he had escaped4 ,the ,scarlet ,letter was written1 and a marvellous success rewarded the author and his stout-hearted wife4 ,the care some wives take of their husbands in sickness is very touching4 ,john ,richard ,green1 the historian1 whose death seemed so untimely1 is an instance of this4 ,his very life was prolonged in the most wonderful way by the care and skill with which he was tended2 and it was with and through his wife that the work was done which he could not have done alone4 ,she consulted the authorities for him1 examined into obscure points1 and wrote to his dictation4 ,in this way1 when he could not work more than two hours in the day1 and when often some slight change in the weather would throw him back and make work impossible for days or weeks1 the book was prepared which he published under the title of ,the ,making of ,england4 ,the husband's vow to comfort was never better performed than by ,cobbett4 ,in his ,advice to ,young ,men he says3 ,i began my young marriage days in and near ,philadelphia4 ,at one of those times to which ,i have just alluded1 in the middle of the burning hot month of ,july1 ,i was greatly afraid of fatal consequences to my wife for want of sleep1 she not having1 after the great danger was over1 had any sleep for more than forty-eight hours4 ,all great cities in hot countries are1 ,i believe1 full of dogs1 and they1 in the very hot weather1 keep up during the night a horrible barking and fighting and howling4 ,upon the particular occasion to which ,i am adverting they made a noise so terrible and so unremitted that it was next to impossible that even a person in full health and free from pain should obtain a minute's sleep4 ,i was1 about nine in the evening1 sitting by the bed4 ',i do think1' said she1 'that ,i could go to sleep now1 if it were not for the dogs4' ,downstairs ,i went1 and out ,i sallied1 in my shirt and trousers1 and without shoes and stockings2 and1 going to a heap of stones lying beside the road1 set to work upon the dogs1 going backward and forward1 and keeping them at two or three hundred yards' distance from the house4 ,i walked thus the whole night1 barefooted1 lest the noise of my shoes might possibly reach her ears2 and ,i remember that the bricks of the causeway were1 even in the night1 so hot as to be disagreeable to my feet4 ,my exertions produced the desired effect3 a sleep of several hours was the consequence1 and1 at eight o'clock in the morning1 off went ,i to a day's business which was to end at six in the evening4 ,women are all patriots of the soil2 and when her neighbours used to ask my wife whether all ,english husbands were like hers1 she boldly answered in the affirmative4 ,i had business to occupy the whole of my time1 ,sundays and week-days1 except sleeping hours2 but ,i used to make time to assist her in the taking care of her baby1 and in all sorts of things3 get up1 light her fire1 boil her tea-kettle1 carry her up warm water in cold weather1 take the child while she dressed herself and got the breakfast ready1 then breakfast1 get her in water and wood for the day1 then dress myself neatly and sally forth to my business4 ,the moment that was over ,i used to hasten back to her again2 and ,i no more thought of spending a moment away from her1 unless business compelled me1 than ,i thought of quitting the country and going to sea4 ,the thunder and lightning are tremendous in ,america compared with what they are in ,england4 ,my wife was at one time very much afraid of thunder and lightning2 and1 as is the feeling of all such women1 and indeed all men too1 she wanted company1 and particularly her husband1 in those times of danger4 ,i knew well of course that my presence would not diminish the danger2 but1 be ,i at what ,i might1 if within reach of home1 ,i used to quit my business and hasten to her the moment ,i perceived a thunderstorm approaching4 ,scores of miles have ,i1 first and last1 run on this errand in the streets of ,philadelphia6 ,the ,frenchmen who were my scholars used to laugh at me exceedingly on this account2 and sometimes1 when ,i was making an appointment with them1 they would say1 with a smile and a bow1 ',sauve le tonnerre toujours1 ,monsieur ,cobbett6' ,much is said both wise and otherwise in reference to the obedience which a wife vows to yield to her husband4 ,one who wrote a sketch of the ,rev4 ,f4 ,d4 ,maurice tells us that he met him once at a wedding breakfast4 ,maurice proposed the health of the bride and bridegroom4 ,the lady turned round1 and in rather bad taste exclaimed1 ,now1 ,mr4 ,maurice1 ,i call you to witness that ,i entertain no intention of obeying4 ,maurice answered with his sad1 sweet smile1 ,ah1 madam1 you little know the blessedness of obedience4 ,of course no one believes that it is a wife's duty to obey when her husband wishes her to act contrary to the dictates of conscience4 ,as little is she expected to conform to a standard of obedience and service such as was laid down in a conversation overheard between two children who were playing on the sands together4 ,small boy to little girl3 ,do you wish to be my wife8 ,little girl1 after reflection2 ,yes4 ,small boy3 ,then pull off my boots4 ,we all rejoice in the fact that woman's rights are very different now from what they used to be1 at least in ,russia1 where1 ,dr4 ,lansdell tells us1 anciently at a wedding the bridegroom took to church a whip1 and in one part of the ceremony lightly applied it to the bride's back1 in token that she was to be in subjection4 ,is there not still1 however1 much truth in the old couplet3 ,man1 love thy wife2 thy husband1 wife1 obey4 ,wives are our heart2 we should be head alway8 ,on a great many points concerning the pecuniary or other interests of the family1 the husband will usually be the wisest1 and may most properly be treated as the senior or acting partner in the firm4 ,the good wife1 says ,fuller1 commandeth her husband in any equal matter1 by constantly obeying him4 ,it was always observed1 that what the ,english gained of the ,french in battle by valour1 the ,french regained of the ,english in cunning by treaties4 ,so if the husband should chance by his power in his passion to prejudice his wife's right1 she wisely knoweth by compounding and complying1 to recover and rectify it again4 ,this is very much what the well-known lines in ,hiawatha teach-- ,as unto the bow the cord is1 ,so unto the man is woman2 ,though she bends him1 she obeys him2 ,though she draws him1 yet she follows2 ,useless each without the other6 ,but indeed it is a sign of something being wrong between married people1 when the question which of the two shall be subject to the other ever arises4 ,it will never do so when both parties love as they ought1 for then the struggle will be not who shall command and control1 but who shall serve and yield4 ,as ,chaucer says-- ,when mastery cometh1 then sweet ,love anon1 ,flappeth his nimble wings and soon away is flown4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,drive ,,gently ,,over ,,the ,,stones6 ,it were better to meet some dangers half-way1 though they come nothing near4--,bacon4 ,rocks whereon greatest men have oftest wreck'd4--,milton4 ,drive gently over the stones6 ,this piece of advice1 which is frequently given to inexperienced whips1 may be suggested metaphorically to the newly-married4 ,on the road upon which they have entered there are stony places1 which1 if not carefully driven over1 will almost certainly upset the domestic coach4 ,to accompany one's wife harmoniously on an ,irish car is easy compared to the task of accompanying her over these stones on the domestic car4 ,the first rock ahead which should be signalled dangerous is the first year of married life4 ,as a rule the first year either mars or makes a marriage4 ,during this period errors may be committed which will cast a shadow over every year that follows4 ,we agree with ,mrs4 ,jameson in thinking that the first year of married life is not as happy as the second4 ,people have to get into the habit of being married1 and there are difficult lessons to be learned in the apprenticeship4 ,a lady once asked ,dr4 ,johnson how in his dictionary he came to define pastern the knee of a horse2 he immediately answered1 ,ignorance1 madam1 pure ignorance4 ,this is the simple explanation of many an accident that takes place at the commencement of the matrimonial journey4 ,the young couple have not yet learned the dangerous places of the road1 and1 as a consequence1 they drive carelessly over them4 ,how many people starting in married life throw happiness out of their grasp1 and create troubles for the rest of their days6 ,the cause may be generally traced to selfishness1 their conceit taking everything that goes amiss as meant for a personal affront1 and their wounded self-esteem making life a burden hard to bear1 for themselves and others4 ,we can all recognize in every circle such cases2 we are all able to read the moral elsewhere2 but in our own case we allow the small breach--that might be healed with very little effort at first--to get wider and wider1 and the pair that should become closer and closer1 gradually not only cease to care for1 but have a dread of each other's society4 ,there is one simple direction1 which1 if carefully regarded1 might long preserve the tranquillity of the married life1 and ensure no inconsiderable portion of connubial happiness to the observers of it3 it is--to beware of the first dispute4 ,man and wife1 says ,jeremy ,taylor1 are equally concerned to avoid all offences of each other in the beginning of their conversation2 every little thing can blast an infant blossom2 and the breath of the south can shake the little rings of the vine1 when first they begin to curl like the locks of a new weaned boy3 but when by age and consolidation they stiffen into the hardness of a stem1 and have1 by the warm embraces of the sun and the kisses of heaven1 brought forth their clusters1 they can endure the storms of the north1 and the loud noises of a tempest1 and yet never be broken4 ,so are the early unions of an unfixed marriage2 watchful and observant1 jealous and busy1 inquisitive and careful1 and apt to take alarm at every unkind word4 ,after the hearts of the man and the wife are endeared and hardened by a mutual confidence and experience1 longer than artifice and pretence can last1 there are a great many remembrances1 and some things present1 that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces4 ,every little dispute between man and wife is dangerous4 ,it forces good-humour out of its channel1 undermines affection1 and insidiously1 though perhaps insensibly1 wears out and1 at last1 entirely destroys that cordiality which is the life and soul of matrimonial felicity4 ,as however it's hardly in a body's power to keep at times from being sour1 undue importance ought not to be attached to those little tiffs that sometimes cast a shade on wedlock4 ,often they are1 as the poet goes on to observe1 love in masquerade-- ,and family jars1 look we but o'er the rim1 ,are filled with honey1 even to the brim4 ,in the ,life of ,st4 ,francis de ,sales we are told that the saint did not approve of the saying1 ,never rely on a reconciled enemy4 ,he rather preferred a contrary maxim1 and said that a quarrel between friends1 when made up1 added a new tie to friendship2 as experience shows that the calosity formed round a broken bone makes it stronger than before4 ,beware of jealousy2 it is the green-eyed monster1 which doth make the meat it feeds on4 ,here is an amusing case in point4 ,a ,french lady who was jealous of her husband determined to watch his movements4 ,one day1 when he told her he was going to ,versailles1 she followed him1 keeping him in sight until she missed him in a passage leading to the railway station4 ,looking about her for a few minutes1 she saw a man coming out of a glove-shop with a rather overdressed lady4 ,blinded with rage and jealousy1 she fancied it was her husband1 and without pausing for a moment to consider1 bounced suddenly up to him and gave him three or four stinging boxes on the ear4 ,the instant the gentleman turned round1 she discovered her mistake1 and at the same moment caught sight of her husband1 who had merely called at a tobacconist's1 and was now crossing the street4 ,there was nothing for it but to faint in the arms of the gentleman she had attacked2 while the other lady moved away1 to avoid a scene4 ,the stranger1 astonished to find an unknown lady in his arms1 was further startled by a gentleman seizing him by the collar and demanding to know what he meant by embracing that lady4 ,why1 sir1 she boxed my ears1 and then fainted1 exclaimed the innocent victim4 ,she is my wife1 shouted the angry husband1 and would never have struck you without good cause4 ,worse than angry words would probably have followed had not the cause of the whole misunderstanding recovered sufficiently to explain how it had all happened4 ,a jealous wife is generally considered a proper subject for ridicule2 and a woman ought to conceal from her husband any feeling of the kind4 ,her suspicions may be altogether groundless1 and she may be tormenting herself with a whole train of imaginary evils4 ,on the other hand a husband is bound to abstain from even the appearance of preferring any one else to his wife4 ,when in the presence of others he should indulge her laudable pride by showing that he thinks her an object of importance and preference4 ,in his ,advice to ,young ,men ,cobbett gives this interesting bit of autobiography4 ,for about two or three years after ,i was married1 ,i1 retaining some of my military manners1 used1 both in ,france and ,america1 to romp most famously with the girls that came in my way2 till one day at ,philadelphia1 my wife said to me in a very gentle manner3 ',don't do that1 ,i do not like it4' ,that was quite enough2 ,i had never thought on the subject before2 one hair of her head was more dear to me than all the other women in the world1 and this ,i knew that she knew4 ,but ,i now saw that this was not all that she had a right to from me2 ,i saw that she had the further claim upon me that ,i should abstain from everything that might induce others to believe that there was any other woman for whom1 even if ,i were at liberty1 ,i had any affection4 ,i beseech young married men to bear this in mind2 for on some trifle of this sort the happiness or misery of a long life frequently turns4 ,there may be a fanaticism in love as well as in belief1 and where people love much they are apt to be exacting one to the other4 ,but although jealousy does imply love1 such love as consists in a craving for the affection of its object1 it is love which is largely dashed with selfishness4 ,it is incompatible with love of the highest order1 for where that exists there is no dread of not being loved enough in return4 ,in this relation as well as in the highest1 ,there is no fear in love1 but perfect love casteth out fear1 because fear hath torment4 ,he that feareth is not made perfect in love4 ,it is generally admitted that conjugal affection largely depends on mutual confidence4 ,a friend quoted this sentiment the other day in a smoking-room1 and added that he made it a rule to tell his wife everything that happened1 and in this way they avoided any misunderstanding4 ,well1 sir1 remarked another gentleman present1 not to be outdone in generosity1 you are not so open and frank as ,i am1 for ,i tell my wife a good many things that never happen4 ,oh6 exclaimed a third1 ,i am under no necessity to keep my wife informed regarding my affairs4 ,she can find out five times as much as ,i know myself without the least trouble4 ,how1 said a gentleman to a friend who wished to convey a matter of importance to a lady without communicating directly with her1 how can you be certain of her reading the letter1 seeing that you have directed it to her husband8 ,that ,i have managed without the possibility of failure1 was the answer2 she will open it to a certainty1 for ,i have put the word 'private' in the corner4 ,these anecdotes put in a lively way the well-known fact that it is impossible for married people to keep secrets the one from the other4 ,but even to make the attempt is to enter upon ground so dangerous that scarcely any amount of cautious driving will prevent a catastrophe4 ,unless husband and wife trust each other all in all the result will be much the same as if they trusted not at all4 ,we believe that the ,delilahs are few who would sell their ,samsons to the ,philistines when these ,samsons have told them the secret source of their great strength4 ,still1 there are secrets entrusted to the clergyman1 the physician1 the lawyer1 the legislator to betray which1 even to a wife1 would be dishonourable and disgraceful4 ,a case beautifully illustrating this difficult point in matrimonial relations occurs in the memoirs of ,lady ,fanshawe1 wife of ,sir ,richard ,fanshawe1 who was a faithful ,royalist during the civil war4 ,soon after ,lady ,fanshawe's marriage1 she was instigated by some crafty ladies of the court to obtain from her husband a knowledge of some secret political events4 ,the matter is best described in her own words3 ,and now ,i thought myself a perfect queen1 and my husband so glorious a crown1 that ,i more valued myself to be called by his name than born a princess1 for ,i knew him very wise and very good1 and his soul doted on me2 upon which confidence ,i will tell you what happened4 ,my ,lady ,rivers1 a brave woman1 and one that had suffered many thousand pounds' loss for the ,king1 and whom ,i had a great reverence for1 and she a kindness for me as a kinswoman--in discourse she tacitly commended the knowledge of ,state affairs1 and that some women were very happy in a good understanding thereof1 as my ,lady ,aubingny1 ,lady ,isabel ,thynne1 and divers others1 and yet none was at first more capable than ,i2 that in the night she knew there came a post from ,paris from the ,queen1 and that she would be extremely glad to hear what the ,queen commanded the ,king in order to his affairs2 saying1 if ,i would ask my husband privately1 he would tell me what he found in the packet1 and ,i might tell her4 ,i that was young and innocent1 and to that day had never in my mouth1 what news8--began to think there was more in inquiring into public affairs than ,i thought of1 and that it being a fashionable thing1 would make me more beloved of my husband1 if that had been possible1 than ,i was4 ,when my husband returned home from council1 after welcoming him1 as his custom ever was1 he went with his handful of papers into his study for an hour or more2 ,i followed him3 he turned hastily and said1 ',what would'st thou have1 my life8' ,i told him1 ',i heard the ,prince had received a packet from the ,queen1 and ,i guessed it was that in his hands1 and ,i desired to know what was in it4' ,he smilingly replied1 ',my love1 ,i will immediately come to thee2 pray thee go1 for ,i am very busy4' ,when he came out of his closet ,i revived my suit2 he kissed me and talked of other things4 ,at supper1 ,i would eat nothing2 he as usual sat by me1 and drank often to me1 which was his custom1 and was full of discourse to company that was at table4 ,going to bed ,i asked again1 and said ,i could not believe he loved me1 if he refused to tell me all he knew2 but he answered nothing1 but stopped my mouth with kisses4 ,so we went to bed2 ,i cried1 and he went to sleep4 ,next morning early1 as his custom was1 he was called to rise1 but began to discourse with me first2 to which ,i made no reply2 he rose1 came on the other side of the bed and kissed me1 and drew the curtain softly and went to court4 ,when he came home to dinner1 he presently came to me as was usual1 and when ,i had him by the hand1 ,i said1 ',thou dost not care to see me troubled2' to which he1 taking me in his arms1 answered1 ',my dearest soul1 nothing upon earth can afflict me like that2 and when you asked me of my business1 it was wholly out of my power to satisfy thee1 for my life and fortune shall be thine1 and every thought of my heart in which the trust ,i am in may not be revealed2 but my honour is my own1 which ,i cannot preserve if ,i communicate the ,prince's affairs2 and pray thee with this answer rest satisfied4' ,so great was his reason and goodness1 that upon consideration it made my folly appear to me so vile1 that from that day until the day of his death1 ,i never thought fit to ask him any business but what he communicated freely to me1 in order to his estate and family4 ,when a man comes home tired1 hungry1 and put out about something that has gone wrong in business1 this is not the time for his wife to order him to stand and deliver his secret troubles4 ,rather1 she should give him a well-cooked dinner and say little or nothing4 ,later on in the evening1 when he is rested and has smoked a pipe of peace1 he will be only too glad to give her his confidence in return for her sympathetic treatment of him4 ,it seems to me that there is more of vulgar familiarity than of confidence in a man and wife at all times opening each other's letters4 ,a sealed letter is sacred2 and all persons like to have the first reading of their own letters4 ,why should a close relationship abrogate respectful courtesy8 ,artemus ,ward tells us that when he was at ,salt ,lake he was introduced to ,brigham ,young's mother-in-law4 ,i can't exactly tell you how many there is of her1 but it's a good deal4 ,married people require to drive gently when there is in the way the stumbling-block of a good deal of mother-or other relations-in-law4 ,certainly ,adam and ,eve were in paradise in this respect4 ,when ,i want a nice snug day all to myself1 says an ingenuous wife1 ,i tell ,george dear mother is coming1 and then ,i see nothing of him till one in the morning4 ,are your domestic relations agreeable8 was the question put to an unhappy-looking specimen of humanity4 ,oh1 my domestic relations are all right2 it is my wife's relations that are causing the trouble4 ,it is true we read in the ,graphic a year or two ago an exception to the usual dislike to mothers-in-law1 but the exception was scarcely reassuring4 ,a well-dressed young woman of nineteen informed a magistrate that her own mother had run away with her husband4 ,this mater pulchrior came to stay with her filia pulchra1 won the affections of the husband1 and1 at last1 withdrew him from his hearth and home4 ,still it is the duty of people to keep on terms of at least friendly neutrality with their relations-in-law4 ,where there is disunion there are generally faults on both sides4 ,we know of a working-man who on the eve of his marriage signed a promise to abstain from intoxicating liquor4 ,he put the document into a frame and presented it to his wife after the wedding as a marriage settlement4 ,and certainly there cannot be a better marriage settlement than for a young husband to settle his habits4 ,the young husband or wife who is in the least degree careless in the use of intoxicating drinks should read the following account which ,mr4 ,gough gives of a case which he met in one of the convict prisons of ,america4 ,i was attracted1 while speaking to the prisoners in the chapel1 by the patient1 gentle look of one of the convicts who sat before me1 whose whole appearance was that of a mild-tempered1 quiet man4 ,after the service1 one of the prison officers1 in reply to my question1 stated that this same man was serving out a life term4 ,i asked what was the possible crime for which he was serving a life term in a ,state prison4 ',murder4' ',murder8' ',yes1 he murdered his wife4' ,having asked if ,i might have an interview with him1 my request was granted1 and ,i held a conversation with him4 ',my friend1 ,i do not wish to ask you any questions that will be annoying2 but ,i was struck by your appearance1 and was so much surprised when ,i heard of your crime1 that ,i thought ,i would like to ask you a question4 ,may ,i8' ',certainly1 sir4' ',then why did you commit the crime8 ,what led you to it8' ,then came such a pitiful story4 ,he said3 ',i loved my wife1 but ,i drank to excess4 ,she was a good woman2 she never complained2 come home when or how ,i might1 she never scolded4 ,i think ,i never heard a sharp word from her4 ,she would sometimes look at me with such a pitying look that went to my heart2 sometimes it made me tender1 and ,i would cry1 and promise to do better2 at other times it would make me angry4 ,i almost wished she would scold me1 rather than look at me with that patient earnestness4 ,i knew ,i was breaking her heart2 but ,i was a slave to drink4 ,though ,i loved her1 ,i knew ,i was killing her4 ,one day ,i came home drunk1 and as ,i entered the room ,i saw her sitting at the table1 her face resting on her hand4 ,oh1 my ,god6 ,i think ,i see her now6 ,as ,i came in she lifted up her face2 there were tears there2 but she smiled and said1 ,well1 ,william4 ,i remember just enough to know that ,i was mad4 ,the devil entered into me4 ,i rushed into the kitchen1 seized my gun1 and deliberately shot her as she sat by that table4 ,i am in prison for life1 and have no desire to be released4 ,if a pardon was offered me1 ,i think ,i should refuse it4 ,buried here in this prison1 ,i wait till the end comes4 ,i trust ,god has forgiven me for ,christ's sake4 ,i have bitterly repented2 ,i repent every day4 ,oh1 the nights when in the darkness ,i see her face--see her just as she looked on me that fatal day6 ,i shall rejoice when the time comes4 ,i pray that ,i may meet her in heaven4' ,this was said with sobbings and tears that were heart-breaking to hear4 ,there goes me but for the grace of ,god6 ,what1 is thy servant a dog1 that he should do this great thing8 ,no6 not a dog1 but a young man or a young woman who is liable to forget that small habits well pursued betimes may reach the dignity of crimes4 ,if you do not measure your liquor with as much care as strong medicine2 if you are not on your guard against those drinking habits of society and business which first draw1 then drag1 and then haul--beware lest tyrant custom make you a slave to what has been called the most authentic incarnation of the principle of evil4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,furnishing4 ,by wisdom is a house built2 by understanding it is established2 and by knowledge the chambers are filled with all pleasant and precious treasures4--,solomon's ,practical ,wisdom4 ,we cannot arrest sunsets nor carve mountains1 but we may turn every ,english home1 if we choose1 into a picture which shall be no counterfeit1 but the true and perfect image of life indeed4--,ruskin4 ,a condition of pleasantness in a house has a real power in refining and raising the characters of its inmates2 so home should not only be a haven of rest1 peace1 and sympathy1 but should have an element of beauty in all its details4 ,ugliness and discomfort blunt the sensibilities and lower the spirits4 ,d',israeli said1 ,happiness is atmosphere1 and from this point of view a few words about furnishing may not be out of place in our inquiry as to how to be happy though married4 ,certainly the fitting up and arranging of a home will not appear unimportant to those who think with ,dr4 ,johnson that it is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible4 ,pound ,st4 ,paul's church into atoms and consider any single atom2 it is1 to be sure1 good for nothing2 but put these atoms together1 and you have ,st4 ,paul's church4 ,so it is with human felicity1 which is made up of many ingredients1 each of which may be shown to be very insignificant4 ,the expense of furnishing is often a source of considerable anxiety to young people about to marry4 ,we think1 however1 that this matrimonial care is1 or should be1 much more lightly felt than in past years4 ,competition has made furniture cheaper1 and it is now considered bad form to crowd rooms or to have in them the large heavy things that were so expensive4 ,elegance displayed in little things is the order of the day4 ,a few light chairs of different sizes and shapes1 a small lounge1 one or two little tables1 the floor polished round the edges and covered in the centre with a square of carpet1 or1 if the whole room be stained1 with ,oriental rugs where required2 the windows hung with some kind of light drapery--what more do newly-married people require in their drawing-room8 ,oh6 we have forgotten the piano1 and we suppose it is inevitable1 but it can easily be hired4 ,it is a great gain for a young couple to be compelled to economize1 for1 rich as they may become afterwards1 habits of thrift never quite leave them4 ,their furniture may be scanty and some of it not very new1 but common things can be prettily covered1 and the dullest of rooms is set off by the knick-knacks that came in so plentifully among the bridal spoils4 ,besides1 if they start with everything they want1 there is nothing to wish for1 and no pleasure in adding to their possessions4 ,george ,eliot has a subtle remark about the best society1 where no one makes an invidious display of anything in particular1 and the advantages of the world are taken with that high-bred depreciation which follows from being accustomed to them4 ,no doubt there will be pictures and photographs1 the hanging of which occasions considerable discussion1 and perhaps involves the first serious divergence of opinion4 ,we must remember1 however1 that it is much better to have no pictures than bad ones1 and that photographs of scenery are rarely decorative4 ,as regards one's relations when they are really decorative1 even ,mr4 ,oscar ,wilde can see no reason why their photographs should not be hung on the walls1 though he hopes that1 if called on to make a stand between the principles of domestic affection and decorative art1 the latter may have the first place4 ,it is a safe rule to have nothing in our houses that we do not know to be useful or think to be beautiful4 ,we should show our love of art and beauty in our surroundings1 and bring it to bear in the selection of the smallest household trifle4 ,to have things tasteful and pretty costs no more than to have them ugly2 but it costs a great deal more trouble4 ,simplicity1 appropriateness1 harmony of colour--these produce the best results4 ,when we enter a room1 the first feeling ought to be1 ,how comfortable6 and the second1 as we glance quickly round to discover why1 ought to be1 ,how beautiful6 ,not a touch too much nor too little4 ,the art is to conceal art4 ,directly affectation enters1 beauty goes out4 ,but while there should be nothing bizarre in our method of furnishing1 rooms should reflect the individuality of their owners4 ,they should never look as if they were furnished by contract4 ,people should allow their own taste to have its way4 ,whatever we have1 let it not be flimsy1 but good of its kind4 ,good things are cheapest in the end1 and it is economy to employ good dependable tradespeople4 ,when he heard of the occurrence of some piece of mischief1 ,george the ,fourth used to ask1 ,who is she8 ,this question may be asked with much more reason when we enter a pretty room4 ,who is she whose judgment and fingers have so arranged these unconsidered trifles as to make out of very little an effect so charming8 ,compare a bachelor's house with the same house after its master has taken to himself a helpmate4 ,bless thee1 ,bottom6 bless thee6 thou art translated6 the friends of his former state may well exclaim4 ,of course we are supposing the lady's head to be furnished1 for if that do not contain a certain amount of common sense1 good taste1 and power of observation1 the result will soon be observed in her house4 ,a drawing-room should be for use and not for show merely1 and should be furnished accordingly4 ,it should be tidy1 but not painfully tidy4 ,self-respect should lead us to have things nice in our homes1 whether the eyes of company are to see them or not4 ,it was surely right of ,robinson ,crusoe to make his solitary cave look as smart as possible4 ,who does not respect the wife whose dinner-table is prettily adorned with flowers even on days when no one but her husband has the honour of dining with her8 ,to furnish the kitchen is a troublesome and unsatisfactory business4 ,it is unsatisfactory because one expends on kitchen utensils1 which are rather dear1 a considerable amount of money without having much to show4 ,and it is troublesome to have to distinguish between the many implements a cook really does require and those which she only imagines to be necessary4 ,still1 cook must be supplied with every appliance that is really necessary4 ,without these there may be an expenditure of time out of all proportion to her task4 ,on the equipoise of that lady's temper depends to a not inconsiderable extent the comfort of the house4 ,have in the kitchen a good clock1 and teach your servants to take a pleasure in making sweet and bright their own special chambers4 ,our present sanitary ideas will tolerate no longer curtains on beds1 or heavy carpets on the floors of sleeping apartments4 ,both foster dust1 and dust conceals the germs of disease4 ,that carpets are sometimes made a too convenient receptacle for dust is evident from the answer that was once given by a housemaid4 ,professing to have become converted to religion1 she was asked for a proof of the happy change1 and thus replied3 ,now1 she said1 ,i sweep under the mats4 ,for bedrooms there should be narrow1 separate1 tight-woven strips of carpet around the bed and in front of furniture only4 ,these are easy to shake1 and in every sense in harmony with the simplicity and cleanliness which1 if health is to be preserved1 must pervade the bedroom4 ,the more air it contains the better1 and hence everything superfluous should be banished from it4 ,but we shall not specify the different things which1 in our opinion1 should1 or should not1 be found in the several rooms of a house1 for after all it is the arrangement of furniture rather than the furniture itself that makes the difference4 ,if the question be asked1 ,is it better to pick up furniture at auctions or to buy it in shops8 we reply1 ,avoid auctions4 ,things are varnished up to the eye1 and it is seldom possible to examine them4 ,so you generally find on returning home from a sale that your purchases are by no means what they seemed4 ,as regards the expense of furnishing a small house such as young housekeepers of the middle class usually hire when first they settle down in life1 this of course varies with circumstances1 but even one hundred pounds ought nearly to suffice4 ,to estimate the cost rightly1 one should know the tastes of the people concerned1 their social position1 the size of their house1 and the style of the locality in which they propose to live4 ,very good furniture can sometimes be obtained secondhand1 but one must be on their guard against bargains that are worthless4 ,there are certain articles1 such as lamps1 beds1 and bedding1 that should as a general rule be purchased new4 ,people are generally in too great haste when furnishing4 ,they should be prudent1 deliberate1 and wait with their eyes open until they see the sort of things that will suit them4 ,they should buy the most instantly necessary articles first with ready money1 and add to these as they can afford it to carry out ideas formed by observation4 ,they should buy what can be easily replaced after legitimate wear and tear1 what their servants can properly attend to1 and what will save labour and time4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,married ,,people',s ,,money4 ,never treat money affairs with levity--money is character4--,sir ,e4 ,bulwer ,lytton4 ,a ,scotch minister1 preaching against the love of money1 had frequently repeated that it was the root of all evil4 ,walking home from the church one old person said to another1 ,an wasna the minister strang upon the money8 ,nae doubt1 said the other1 and added1 ,ay1 but it's grand to hae the wee bit siller in your hand when ye gang an errand4 ,so too1 in spite of all that love-in-a-cottage theorists may say1 it's grand to hae the wee bit siller when marrying2 unless1 indeed1 we believe that mortality is one of the effects of matrimony as did the girl1 who1 on meeting a lady whose service she had lately left1 and being asked1 ,well1 ,mary1 where do you live now8 answered1 ,please1 ma'am1 ,i don't live now--,i'm married4 ,to marry for love and work for silver is quite right1 but there should be a reasonable chance of getting work to do and some provision for a rainy day4 ,it is only the stupidity which is without anxiety1 that complacently marries on nothing a week2 and that uncertain--very6 ,and yet such flying in the face of ,providence is often spoken of as being disinterested and heroic1 and the quiverfuls of children resulting from it are supposed to be blessed4 ,as if it were a blessing to give children appetites of hunger and thirst1 and nothing to satisfy them4 ,on the other hand1 there is some truth in the saying that what will keep one will keep two4 ,there are bachelors who are so ultra-prudent1 and who hold such absurd opinions as to the expense of matrimony that1 although they have enough money they have not enough courage to enter the state4 ,pitt used to say that he could not afford to marry1 yet his butcher's bill was so enormous that some one has calculated it as affording his servants about fourteen pounds of meat a day1 each man and woman6 ,for the more economical regulation of his household1 if for no other reason1 he should have taken to himself a wife4 ,newly-married people should be careful not to pitch their rate of expenditure higher than they can hope to continue it2 and they should remember that1 as ,lord ,bacon said1 it is less dishonourable to abridge petty charges 7expenses7 than to stoop to petty gettings4 ,that was excellent advice which ,dr4 ,johnson gave to ,boswell when the latter inherited his paternal estate3 ,you1 dear sir1 have now a new station1 and have1 therefore1 new cares and new employments4 ,life1 as ,cowley seems to say1 ought to resemble a well-ordered poem2 of which one rule generally received is1 that the exordium should be simple1 and should promise little4 ,begin your new course of life with the least show1 and the least expense possible2 you may at pleasure increase both1 but you cannot easily diminish them4 ,do not think your estate your own1 while any man can call upon you for money which you cannot pay2 therefore begin with timorous parsimony4 ,let it be your first care not to be in any man's debt4 ,the thrifty wife of ,benjamin ,franklin felt it a gala day indeed when1 by long accumulated small savings1 she was able to surprise her husband one morning with a china cup and a silver spoon1 from which to take his breakfast4 ,franklin was shocked3 ,you see how luxury creeps into families in spite of principles1 he said4 ,when his meal was over he went to the store1 and rolled home a wheelbarrow full of papers through the streets with his own hands1 lest folks should get wind of the china cup1 and say he was above his business4 ,although the creeping in of luxury is to be guarded against at the commencement of married life1 people should learn to grow rich gracefully4 ,it is no part of wisdom to depreciate the little elegances and social enjoyments of our homes4 ,those who can afford it act wisely when they furnish their houses with handsome furniture1 cover the walls with suggestive paintings1 and collect expensive books1 for these things afford refined enjoyment4 ,one day a gentleman told ,dr4 ,johnson that he had bought a suit of lace for his wife4 ,johnson3 ,well1 sir1 you have done a good thing1 and a wise thing4 ,i have done a good thing1 said the gentleman1 but ,i do not know that ,i have done a wise thing4 ,johnson3 ,yes1 sir1 no money is better spent than what is laid out for domestic satisfaction4 ,a man is pleased that his wife is dressed as well as other people2 and a wife is pleased that she is dressed4 ,we should be particular about money matters1 but not penurious4 ,the penny soul never1 it is said1 came to twopence4 ,there is that withholdeth more than is meet1 but it tendeth to poverty4 ,people are often saving at the wrong place1 and spoil the ship for a halfpenny worth of tar4 ,they spare at the spigot1 and let all run away at the bunghole4 ,she is the wise wife who can steer between penuriousness and such recklessness as is described in the following cutting from an ,american periodical4 ,my dear fellow1 said ,lavender1 it's all very nice to talk about economizing and keeping a rigid account of expenses1 and that sort of thing1 but ,i've tried it4 ,two weeks ago ,i stepped in on my way home ,saturday night1 and ,i bought just the gayest little ,russian leather1 cream-laid account-book you ever saw1 and a silver pencil to match it4 ,i said to my wife after supper3 ',my dear1 it seems to me it costs a lot of money to keep house4' ,she sighed and said3 ',i know it does1 ,lavvy2 but ,i'm sure ,i can't help it4 ,i'm just as economical as ,i can be4 ,i don't spend half as much for candy as you do for cigars4' ,i never take any notice of personalities1 so ,i sailed right ahead4 ',i believe1 my dear1 that if we were to keep a strict account of everything we spend we could tell just where to cut down4 ,i've bought you a little account-book1 and every ,monday morning ,i'll give you some money1 and you can set it down on one side2 and then1 during the week1 you can set down on the other side everything you spend4 ,and then on ,saturday night we can go over it and see just where the money goes1 and how we can boil things down a little4' ,well1 sir1 she was just delighted--thought it was a first-rate plan1 and the pocket account-book was lovely--regular ,david ,copperfield and ,dora business4 ,well1 sir1 the next ,saturday night we got through supper1 and she brought out that account-book as proud as possible1 and handed it over for inspection4 ,on one side was1 ',received from ,lavvy1 #ej dols4' ,that's all right6 ,then ,i looked on the other page1 and what do you think was there8 ',spent it all6' ,then ,i laughed1 and of course she cried2 and we gave up the account-book racket on the spot by mutual consent4 ,yes1 sir1 ,i've been there1 and ,i know what domestic economy means1 ,i tell you4 ,let's have a cigar4 ,it is the fear of this sort of thing1 and especially of extravagance in reference to dress1 that confirms many men in bachelorship4 ,a society paper tells us that at a recent dance given at the ,west-end1 a married lady of extravagant habits impertinently asked a wealthy old bachelor if he remained single because he could not afford to keep a wife4 ,my innocent young friend1 was the reply1 ,i could afford to keep three2 but ,i'm not rich enough to pay the milliner's bills of one4 ,a wife who puts conscience into the management of her husband's money should not be obliged to account to him for the exact manner in which she lays out each penny in the pound4 ,an undue interference on his part will cause much domestic irritation1 and may have a bad influence on social morals4 ,in ,memoirs of the ,life of ,colonel ,hutchinson1 his wife says1 ,so liberal was he to her1 and of so generous a temper1 that he hated the mention of severed purses2 his estate being so much at her disposal that he never would receive an account of anything she expended4 ,no one can feel dignified1 free1 and happy without the control of a certain amount of money for the graces1 the elegant adornments1 and1 above all1 for the charities of life4 ,the hard-drawn line of simply paying the bills closes a thousand avenues to gentle joys and pleasures in a woman's daily life4 ,we would advise all wives to strike the iron when hot1 so to speak1 by getting their husbands1 before the ardour of the honeymoon cools1 to give them an annual allowance4 ,the little unavoidable demands on a husband's purse1 to which a wife is so frequently compelled to have recourse1 are very apt to create bickering and discord2 and when once good-humour is put out of the way1 it is not such an easy matter to bring it back again4 ,a ,chicago young lady1 on being asked the usual question in which the words love1 honour1 and obey occur1 made the straightforward reply3 ,yes1 ,i will1 if he does what he promises me financially4 ,the conduct of some husbands almost justified this answer4 ,as regards the important subject of ,life ,insurance there are few husbands and fathers who can afford to be indifferent to the possibility of making adequate and immediate provision for those dependent upon them1 in case of their sudden removal4 ,this matter of ,life ,insurance should be settled before marriage1 as well as all other monetary and legal arrangements that have to be made either with the wife that is to be1 or with her relations1 because post-matrimonial business details may introduce notes of discord into what might have been a harmonious home4 ,when ,i courted her1 ,i took lawyer's advice1 and signed every letter to my love--',yours1 without prejudice6' ,it may not be necessary to be quite so cautious as the lover who tells us this2 but he was certainly right in transacting his legal business before marriage rather than afterwards4 ,do not accustom yourself to consider debt only as an inconvenience2 you will find it a calamity4 ,douglas ,jerrold says that the shirt of ,nessus was a shirt not paid for4 ,those who would be happy though married must pitch their scale of living a degree below their means1 rather than up to them2 but this can only be done by keeping a careful account of income and expenditure4 ,john ,locke strongly advised this course3 ,nothing1 he said1 is likelier to keep a man within compass than having constantly before his eyes1 the state of his affairs in a regular course of account4 ,the ,duke of ,wellington kept an accurate detailed account of all the moneys received and expended by him4 ,i make a point1 he said1 of paying my own bills1 and ,i advise every one to do the same4 ,formerly ,i used to trust a confidential servant to pay them1 but ,i was cured of that folly by receiving one morning1 to my great surprise1 dues of a year or two's standing4 ,the fellow had speculated with my money1 and left my bills unpaid4 ,talking of debt1 his remark was1 ,it makes a slave of a man4 ,washington was as particular as ,wellington was in matters of business detail4 ,he did not disdain to scrutinize the smallest outgoings of his household1 even when holding the office of ,president of the ,american ,union4 ,when ,maginn1 always drowned in debt1 was asked what he paid for his wine1 he replied that he did not know2 but he believed they put something down in a book4 ,this putting down in a book has proved the ruin of a great many people4 ,the regular weekly payment of tradesmen is not only more honest1 but far more economical4 ,i know a wife who says that she cannot afford to get into the books of tradesmen1 and who prides herself upon the fact that she will never haunt her husband after her death in the shape of an unpaid bill4 ,these principles will induce married people to always try to have a fund reserved for sickness1 the necessity of a change of abode1 and other contingencies4 ,perfect confidence as regards money matters should exist between married people4 ,in a letter to a young lady upon her marriage1 ,swift says1 ,i think you ought to be well informed how much your husband's revenue amounts to1 and be so good a computer as to keep within it that part of the management which falls to your share1 and not to put yourself in the number of those polite ladies who think they gain a great point when they have teased their husbands to buy them a new equipage1 a laced head1 or a fine petticoat1 without once considering what long score remained unpaid to the butcher4 ,with regard to keeping up appearances it must be remembered that few people can afford to disregard them entirely4 ,a shabby hat that in a rich man would pass for perhaps an amiable eccentricity1 might conceivably cause the tailor to send in his bill to a poorer customer4 ,in this matter1 as in so many others1 we may act from a right or from a wrong motive4 ,nowhere is the attempt to keep up appearances more praiseworthy than in the case of those who have to housekeep upon very small incomes4 ,the cotter's wife in ,burns's poem who-- ,wi' her needle and her sheers1 ,gars auld claes look amaist as weel's the new-- deserves the title of heroine for her efforts to keep up appearances4 ,but the senseless competition that consists in giving large entertainments1 the huge meat-shows which got under the name of dinner-parties1 have no tendency to promote true happiness4 ,homes are made sweet by simplicity and freedom from affectation1 and these are also the qualities that put guests at their ease1 and make them feel at home4 ,a ,dublin lady took a world of trouble to provide a variety of dishes1 and have all cooked with great skill1 for an entertainment she was to give in honour of ,dean ,swift4 ,but from the first bit that was tasted she did not cease to undervalue the courses1 and to beg indulgence for the shortcomings of the cook4 ,hang it1 said ,swift1 after the annoyance had gone on a little1 if everything is as bad as you say1 ,i'll go home and get a herring dressed for myself4 ,i once heard of a lady1 who1 not being prepared for the unexpected visitors1 sent to the confectioner's for some tarts to help out the dinner4 ,all would have gone off well1 but that the lady1 wishing to keep up appearances1 said to the servant3 ,ah6 what are those tarts8 ,fourpence apiece1 ma'am1 was the reply4 ,there are thousands of women in these islands who cannot marry4 ,but why can they not marry8 ,because they have false notions about respectability4 ,and so long as this is the case1 young men will do well to decline the famous advice1 ,marry early--yes1 marry early1 and marry often4 ,why1 asked a ,sussex labourer1 should ,i give a woman half my victuals for cooking the other half8 ,imagine the horror of this anti-matrimonial reasoner if it were proposed that he should give half his victuals for not cooking at all1 or doing anything except keeping up appearances4 ,he was reputed1 says ,bacon1 one of the wise men that made answer to the question1 when a man should marry8 ,a young man not yet1 an elder man not at all4 ,this answer would not appear so wise1 if we had less erroneous notions on the subject of keeping up appearances4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,management ,,of ,,servants4 ,a good mistress makes a good servant4--,proverb4 ,in ,england materfamilias is always complaining of servant difficulties4 ,those1 however1 who have lived in some of our colonies know that the very thought of an ,english servant conveys a certain soothing sensation to feelings that have been harassed by the servants--if we may so name such tyrants--in these places4 ,a friend of mine in ,bermuda wished to hire a nurse4 ,one day1 as she was sitting in her verandah1 a coloured person appeared before her and suggested1 laying great emphasis on the words in italics1 ,are you the woman that wants a lady to nurse your baby8 ,the servants in this and some other parts of the world consider themselves not merely equal but much superior to their employers1 and there is a consequent difficulty in managing them4 ,if you show any disinclination to their giving to friends much of the food with which you had hoped to sustain your family1 they will disappear from your establishment without giving the slightest warning4 ,a servant wishes to keep one or two members of her family in your house4 ,if you dare to object1 your widely-spread reputation for meanness will prevent any other servant applying for your situation for months4 ,in a word1 the employers of these helpful beings are every day reminded of the servant who said to his master3 ,i don't wish to be unreasonable1 but ,i want three things1 sir3 more wages1 less work1 and ,i should like to have the keys of the wine-cellar4 ,though matters are not quite so bad at home1 there are nevertheless many much-tried masters and mistresses4 ,certainly some of them deserve to suffer4 ,they have not given the very least attention to the art of managing servants4 ,as parents spoil their children and wonder at the results1 so do these masters and mistresses their servants4 ,at one time they provoke them to anger about trifles1 at other times they allow them to do as they like4 ,now they treat them with extreme coldness1 on other occasions undue familiarity is permitted4 ,in a word1 they forget the fact that there is a common human nature between the kitchen and the parlour which must be admitted and well studied4 ,the ancient ,romans1 though they were heathen1 and though with them servants meant slaves1 included in the idea of familia their servants as well as their children4 ,so1 too1 it was once amongst ourselves4 ,servants used to enter the family1 and share to some degree its joys and cares1 while they received from it a corresponding amount of interest and sympathy4 ,all this is changed4 ,servants are now rolling-stones that gather no moss either for themselves or their employers4 ,they never dream of considering themselves members of the family1 to stick to it as it to them through all difficulties not absolutely overwhelming4 ,to them master is merely the man who pays1 and missis the woman who worrits4 ,they think that they should change their employers as readily as their dresses1 and never imagine that there could be between themselves and them any common interest4 ,only the other day ,i heard of a lady who had in one year as many as fourteen cooks6 ,how could this mistress be expected to take any interest in or to consider herself responsible for the well-being of such birds of passage8 ,and yet surely the heads of a household are nearly as responsible for their servants as they are for their own children4 ,we are the keepers of these our brothers and sisters1 and are in a great measure guilty of the vices we tempt them to commit4 ,a lady was engaged in domestic affairs1 when some one rang the street-door bell1 and the ,roman ,catholic servant-girl was bidden to say that her mistress was not at home4 ,she answered1 ,yes1 ma'am1 and when ,i confess to the priest1 shall ,i confess it as your sin or mine8 ,it is an unquestioned fact that many of the faults of servants are due to a want of due care on the part of their mistresses1 who put up with badly-done work and make dishonesty easy by leaving things about4 ,if we want really good servants we must make them ourselves2 so even from selfish motives we should do all we can to influence them for good4 ,but it is much easier to mar than to make1 and with servants the easiest way of doing this is to let them see that we are afraid of them4 ,people spoil their servants from fear oftener than from regard4 ,some are afraid of the manner of their servants4 ,they pass over many faults because they do not like the sulky looks and impertinent reply with which a rebuke is received4 ,fifty years ago servants might be allowed to consider the warning of masters as a poor attempt at wit1 as the ,scotch coachman evidently did who1 on being dismissed1 replied1 ,na1 na2 ,i drove ye to your christening1 and ,i'll drive ye yet to your burial2 and the cook who answered in similar circumstances1 ,it's nae use ava gieing me warning2 gif ye dinna ken when ye hae gotten a gude servant1 ,i ken when ,i hae a gude master4 ,as1 however1 servants are now seldom attached to a family by old associations they look upon the withdrawal of notice as a sign of weakness1 and give themselves airs accordingly4 ,we should give our orders in a polite but firm manner1 like one accustomed to be obeyed4 ,it sometimes simplifies matters considerably to make a servant understand that she must either give in or go out4 ,when fault has to be found1 let it be done sharply and once for all1 but nagging is dispiriting and intolerable4 ,why do you desire to leave me8 said a gentleman to his footman4 ,because1 to speak the truth1 ,i cannot bear your temper4 ,to be sure1 ,i am passionate1 but my passion is no sooner on than it's off4 ,yes1 replied the servant1 but it's no sooner off than it's on4 ,still we must never forget that the greatest firmness is the greatest mercy4 ,here is an illustration4 ,the ,rev4 ,h4 ,lansdell tells us in his book ,through ,siberia1 that a ,siberian friend of his had a convict servant1 whom he had sent away for drunkenness4 ,the man came back entreating that he might be reinstated1 but his master said1 ,no2 ,i have warned you continually1 and done everything ,i could to keep you sober1 but in vain4 ,yes1 sir1 said the man2 but then1 sir1 you should have given me a good thrashing4 ,many a servant girl has gone to the bad because at some critical moment her mistress did not give her a good tongue-thrashing4 ,it cannot spoil tried servants to ask their opinion and advice on certain occasions1 but we should not expect them to think for us altogether4 ,to do this makes them as conceited as the ,irish servant who replied to his master when that inferior being suggested his views as to the way some work should be done1 ,well1 sir1 you may know best1 but ,i know better6 ,still1 it is well to let servants know as often as we conveniently can the reason of our commands4 ,this gives them an interest in their work1 and proves to them that they are not considered mere machines4 ,never let a mistress be afraid of insisting upon that respect which her position demands4 ,in turn she can point out that every rank in life has its own peculiar dignity1 and that no one is more worthy of respect than a good servant4 ,we should feel just as thankful to our servants for serving us1 as we expect them to be for the shelter and care of the home which we offer them4 ,there is a perfectly reciprocal obligation1 and the manner of the employer must recognize it4 ,whereas thy servant worketh truly1 entreat him not evil1 nor the hireling that bestoweth himself wholly for thee4 ,let thy soul love a good servant1 and defraud him not of liberty4 ,we have no right to every moment of a servant's time1 and he or she will work all the better for an occasional holiday4 ,those who feel that they are responsible for the character of their servants will endeavour to provide them with innocent amusements4 ,when papers and books are read above stairs they might be sent down to the kitchen4 ,if this were done1 literature of the penny dreadful description would to a great extent be excluded4 ,many employers behave as if the laws of good manners did not apply to their dealings with servants4 ,apparently they consider that servants should not be allowed any feelings4 ,this was not the opinion of ,chesterfield1 who observes3 ,i am more upon my guard as to my behaviour to my servants1 and to others who are called my inferiors1 than ,i am towards my equals1 for fear of being suspected of that mean and ungenerous sentiment of desiring to make others feel that difference which fortune has1 perhaps too undeservedly1 made between us4 ,it is difficult1 perhaps1 to strike the exact mean between superciliousness and excessive familiarity1 but we must make every effort to arrive at it4 ,there is nothing more keenly appreciated by servants than that evenness of temper which respects itself at the same time that it respects others4 ,a lady visited a dying servant who had lived with her for thirty years4 ,how do you find yourself to-day1 ,mary8 said her mistress1 taking hold of the withered hand which was held out4 ,is that you1 my darling mistress8 and a beam of joy overspread the old woman's face4 ,o yes6 she added1 looking up1 it is you1 my kind1 my mannerly mistress6 ,part of ,miss ,harriet ,martineau's ideal of happiness was to have young servants whom she might train and attach to herself4 ,in later life1 when settled in a house of her own1 she was in the habit of calling her maids in the evening and pointing out to them on the map the operations of the ,crimean war1 for she thought that young ,english women should take an intelligent interest in the doings of their country4 ,mrs4 ,carlyle was another tender mother-mistress to her servants1 though her letters have made the world acquainted with the incessant contests which she was obliged to wage with mutinous maids of all work as ,carlyle used to call them4 ,one of these maids was untidy1 useless in all ways1 but 'abounding in grace1' and in consequent censure of every one above or below her1 and of everything she couldn't understand4 ,after a long apostrophe one day1 as she was bringing in dinner1 ,carlyle ended with1 ',and this ,i can tell you1 that if you don't carry the dishes straight1 so as not to spill the gravy1 so far from being tolerated in heaven1 you won't be even tolerated on earth4' ,it was better to teach the poor creature even in this rough way than not at all1 that she ought to put her religion into the daily round and common tasks of her business2 that ,a servant with this clause ,makes drudgery divine3 ,who sweeps a room as for ,thy laws ,makes that and the action fine4 ,so much of the comfort of home depends upon servants that a wise mistress studies them and values their co-operation4 ,she heedeth well their ways1 ,upon her tongue the law of kindness dwells1 ,with wisdom she dispenses blame or praise1 ,and ready sympathy her bosom swells4 ,she sees that their meals are regularly served1 and that they are undisturbed during the time set apart for them4 ,she does not think that any hole will do for a servant's bedroom4 ,when caring for the children that they may have their little entertainments and enjoyments to brighten their lives1 she includes the servants in the circle of her sympathies2 and is always on the watch to make them feel that they are an integral part of the home1 and that1 if they have to work for it and to bear its burden1 they are not excluded from a real share in its interests and joys4 ,in a word1 she feels for them and with them1 and as a rule they do their best for her4 ,that servants are not always ungrateful every good mistress is well aware4 ,among the inscriptions to the early ,christian martyrs found in the catacombs at ,rome there is one which proves that there were in those days1 as no doubt there are now1 grateful servants4 ,here lies ,gordianus1 deputy of ,gaul1 who was murdered1 with all his family1 for the faith4 ,they rest in peace4 ,his handmaid1 ,theophila1 set up this4 ,gentle1 loving ,theophila6 ,there was no one left but thee to remember poor ,gordianus1 and perhaps his little children1 whom thou didst tend4 ,in managing servants a little judicious praise is a wonderful incentive4 ,the ,duke of ,wellington once requested the connoisseur whom the author of ,tancred terms the finest judge in ,europe1 to provide him a chef4 ,felix1 whom the late ,lord ,seaford was reluctantly about to part with on economical grounds1 was recommended and received4 ,some months afterwards his patron was dining with ,lord ,seaford1 and before the first course was half over he observed1 ,so ,i find you have got the duke's cook to dress your dinner4 ,i have got ,felix1 replied ,lord ,s41 but he is no longer the duke's cook4 ,the poor fellow came to me with tears in his eyes1 and begged me to take him back again1 at reduced wages or no wages at all1 for he was determined not to remain at ,apsley ,house4 ',has the duke been finding fault8' said ,i4 ',oh no1 my lord1 ,i would stay if he had2 he is the kindest and most liberal of masters2 but ,i serve him a dinner that would make ,ude or ,francatelli burst with envy1 and he says nothing2 ,i go out and leave him to dine on a dinner badly dressed by the cookmaid1 and he says nothing4 ,dat hurt my feelings1 my lord4' ,on the vexed question of visitors1 mistresses might say to their servants1 ,when we stay in a lady's house1 we cannot ask visitors without an invitation from our hostess1 and we wish you to observe the same courtesy towards us4 ,when we think it advisable1 we will tell you to invite your friends1 but we reserve to ourselves the right to issue the invitation2 and if your friends come to see you1 we expect that you shall ask our permission if you may receive them4 ,a mistress who does not forget the time when she used to meet her affianced thus writes4 ,i always invite their confidence1 and if ,i find any servants of my household are respectably engaged to be married1 ,i allow the young men to come occasionally to the house1 and perhaps on ,christmas ,day1 or some festival of the kind1 invite them to dine in the kitchen1 and ,i have never yet found my trust misplaced4 ,i should not like my own daughters only to see their affianced husbands out of doors1 and1 though the circumstances in the two cases differ materially1 as a woman ,i consider we ought to enter into the feelings of those other women who are serving under us4 ,half the domestic difficulties arise from a want of honesty among mistresses in the characters which they give each other of the servants they discharge4 ,many a servant receives flattering recommendations who does not deserve any better than the following3 ,the bearer has been in my house a year--minus eleven months4 ,during this time she has shown herself diligent--at the house door2 frugal--in work2 mindful--of herself2 prompt--in excuses2 friendly--towards men2 faithful--to her lovers2 and honest--when everything had vanished4 ,it is often advocated that training-schools should be established for domestic servants1 as a remedy to meet the domestic-servant difficulty4 ,but improvement must begin at the head4 ,if we are to have training-schools for domestic servants1 the servants may very well say that there ought to be a training-school for mistresses4 ,to rule well is even more difficult than to serve well4 ,the mistress then should learn how and when everything ought to be done1 so that in the first place she can instruct1 and1 in the second1 correct1 if her orders be not carried out4 ,if she does any of the household work herself1 let it be to save keeping a servant1 not to help those she has4 ,the more you do in the way of help1 the worse very often you are served4 ,let your servants understand that you also have your duties1 and that your object in employing them is to enable you to carry on your work in comfort4 ,so much have young women been spoiled by this system of auxiliary labour1 that one cook who came to be engaged asked who was to fill her kitchen scuttle1 as she would not do it herself4 ,mistresses must unite in the interest of the servants themselves1 as much as in their own1 to put down this sort of thing1 for the demands have become so insolent1 that1 as a smart little maid once expressed it1 ,they're all wanting places where the work is put out4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,preparation ,,for ,,parenthood4 ,if a merchant commenced business without any knowledge of arithmetic and book-keeping1 we should exclaim at his folly and look for disastrous consequences4 ,or if1 before studying anatomy1 a man set up as a surgical operator1 we should wonder at his audacity and pity his patients4 ,but that parents should begin the difficult task of rearing children without ever having given a thought to the principles--physical1 moral1 or intellectual--which ought to guide them1 excites neither surprise at the actors nor pity for their victims4--,herbert ,spencer4 ,whether as bearing on the happiness of parents themselves1 or as affecting the characters and lives of their children1 a knowledge of the right methods of juvenile culture--physical1 intellectual1 and moral--is a knowledge of extreme importance4 ,this topic should be the final one in the course of instruction passed through by each man and woman1 but it is entirely neglected4 ,if by some strange chance1 says ,mr4 ,herbert ,spencer1 not a vestige of us descended to the remote future save a pile of our school-books or some college examination papers1 we may imagine how puzzled an antiquary of the period would be on finding in them no sign that the learners were ever likely to be parents4 ,this must have been the curriculum for their celibates1 we may fancy him concluding3 ,i perceive here an elaborate preparation for many things1 but ,i find no reference whatever to the bringing up of children4 ,they could not have been so absurd as to omit all training for this gravest of responsibilities4 ,evidently1 then1 this was the school-course of one of their monastic orders4 ,parents go into their office with zeal and good intentions1 but without any better knowledge than that which is supplied by the chances of unreasoning custom1 impulse1 fancy1 joined with the suggestions of ignorant nurses and the prejudiced counsel of grandmothers4 ,against stupidity the gods themselves are powerless6 ,we all understand that some kind of preparation is necessary for the merchant1 the soldier1 the surgeon1 or even for making coats and boots2 but for the great responsibility of parenthood all preparation is ignored1 and people begin the difficult task of rearing children without ever having given a thought to the principles that ought to guide them4 ,how fatal are the results6 ,who shall say how many early deaths of children and enfeebled constitutions1 implying moral and intellectual weakness1 are caused by ignorance on the part of parents of the commonest laws of life8 ,every one can think of illustrations4 ,our clothing is1 in reference to the temperature of the body1 merely an equivalent for a certain amount of food1 for by diminishing the loss of heat1 it diminishes the amount of fuel needful for maintaining heat4 ,those parents cannot be aware of this who give their children scanty clothing in order to harden them1 or who only allow a dawdling walk beside a grown-up person instead of the boisterous play which all young animals require and which would produce warmth4 ,fathers who pride themselves on taking prizes at cattle-shows for their sheep and pigs are not at all ashamed never to ascertain the best kind of food for feeding children4 ,they do not care if their children are fed with monotonous food1 though change of diet is required for the preservation of health4 ,and then as to the intellects of children4 ,ignorance puts books into their hands full of abstract matter in those early years when the only lessons they are capable of learning are those taught by concrete objects4 ,not knowing that a child's restless observation and sense of wonder are for a few years its best instructors1 parents endeavour to occupy its attention with dull abstractions4 ,it is no wonder that few grown-up people know anything about the beauties and wonders of nature4 ,during those years when the child should have been spelling out nature's primer and pleasurably exercising his powers of observation1 grammar1 languages1 and other abstract studies have occupied most of his attention4 ,having been presented with a universal blank of nature's works he learns to see everything through books1 that is1 through other men's eyes1 and the greater part of his knowledge in after life consists of mere words4 ,we are aware that it will provoke laughter to hint that for the proper bringing up of children a knowledge of the elementary principles of physiology1 psychology1 and ethics are indispensable4 ,may we not1 however1 hold up this ideal of ,mr4 ,herbert ,spencer to ourselves and to others8 ,here are1 he says1 the indisputable facts3 that the development of children in mind and body follows certain laws2 that unless these laws are in some degree conformed to by parents1 death is inevitable2 that unless they are in a great degree conformed to1 there must result serious physical and mental defects1 and that only when they are completely conformed to can a perfect maturity be reached4 ,judge1 then1 whether all who may one day be parents should not strive with some anxiety to learn what these laws are4 ,i was not brought up1 but dragged up1 said the poor girl in the tale2 and she touched unconsciously the root of nine-tenths of the vice and misery of the world4 ,great as is the importance of some information1 if children are to be properly reared1 still knowledge is by no means all that preparation for parenthood should include4 ,while ,doctor ,johnson was musing over the fire one evening in ,thrale's drawing-room1 a young gentleman suddenly1 and1 as ,johnson seems to have fancied1 somewhat disrespectfully1 called to him3 ,mr4 ,johnson1 would you advise me to marry8 ,johnson 7angrily73 ,sir1 ,i would advise no man to marry who is not likely to propagate understanding4 ,would the doctor have extended this restriction to all men and women who are not likely to propagate good bodies and souls8 ,we know that there are people whose misfortunes and vices will spoil and ruin1 not merely the lives of those they marry1 but the lives of their children too4 ,the miserable inheritance of their imperfections will be transmitted to coming generations4 ,if it were only possible to keep all these people single1 those who will be living thirty years hence would be living in a very different world from this4 ,the only restriction public opinion now puts to any marriage is that it should not be forbidden by the ,table of ,kindred and ,affinity contained in the ,prayer ,book4 ,when will all improvident marriages be equally illegal8 ,when will scrofula1 madness1 drunkenness1 or even bad temper and excessive selfishness be considered as just causes and impediments why parties should not be joined together in holy matrimony4 ,only the best men and women of this generation--could these be discovered--should become the parents of the next4 ,it has been flippantly asked why we should consult the interests of the next generation since the next generation has done nothing for us4 ,the answer is plain4 ,we have no right to bequeath to it an heritage of woe4 ,every man and woman can do much to make themselves worthy of the honour and responsibility of being a parent4 ,let them preserve their health1 cultivate their social affections1 and1 above all1 abstain from those sins which science and bitter experience assure us are visited on children4 ,it is only when they do this that a new edition of themselves is called for4 ,who is the happy husband8 ,he ,who1 scanning his unwedded life1 ,thanks ,heaven1 with a conscience free1 ',twas faithful to his future wife4 ,and who are the happy parents8 ,those who1 scanning their unwedded lives1 thank ,heaven they were faithful to future children4 ,it is to be hoped that few men now are as careless or as ignorant of consequences to children as was ,mr4 ,tulliver in ,george ,eliot's ,mill on the ,floss1 when he picked his wife from her sisters o' purpose1 'cause she was a bit weak1 like4 ,we have come to see that1 in order to be good mothers1 women must be very unlike ,mrs4 ,pullet in the same story1 who was bent on proving her gentility and wealth by the delicacy of her health1 and the quantity of doctor's stuff she could afford to imbibe4 ,but parents have not altogether given up sacrificing their own health and the health of their children to the ,moloch of fashion4 ,they have not quite ceased to burn incense to vanity4 ,we have still to complain1 as did ,frances ,kemble1 that the race is ruined for the sake of fashion4 ,i cannot believe that women were intended to suffer as much as they do1 and be as helpless as they are1 in child-bearing2 but rather that both are the consequences of our many and various abuses of our constitutions and infractions of ,god's natural laws4 ,tight stays1 tight garters1 tight shoes1 and similar concessions to the vagaries of feminine fashion1 are accountable for many of the ills that afflict both mother and child4 ,when ,king ,david was forbidden to build a temple for ,god's service because he had shed blood abundantly1 with noble self-forgetfulness he laid up before his death materials with which ,solomon his son might have the honour of building it4 ,if parents would imitate his example and lay up the materials of good character and health1 what glorious temples they might erect to ,god in the bodies1 minds1 and souls of their children6 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,what ,,is ,,the ,,use ,,of ,a ,,child4 ,a dreary place would be this earth ,were there no little people in it2 ,the song of life would lose its mirth ,were there no children to begin it4 ,no babe within our arms to leap1 ,no little feet toward slumber tending2 ,no little knee in prayer to bend1 ,our lips the sweet words lending4 ,the sterner souls would grow more stern1 ,unfeeling natures more inhuman1 ,and man to stoic coldness turn1 ,and woman would be less than woman4 ,life's song1 indeed1 would lose its charm1 ,were there no babies to begin it2 ,a doleful place this world would be1 ,were there no little people in it4--,john ,greenleaf ,whittier4 ,when ,franklin made his discovery of the identity of lightning and electricity1 people asked1 ,of what use is it8 ,the philosopher's retort was3 ,what is the use of a child8 ,it may become a man6 ,this question--,what is the use of a child8 is not likely to be asked by our young married friends in reference to the first miniature pledge who is about to crown their wishes4 ,they believe that one day he will become the guardian of the liberties of ,europe1 the bulwark and honour of his aged parents4 ,what a bond of union6 ,what an incentive to tenderness6 ,that husband has an unfeeling disposition who does not find himself irresistibly drawn by the new and tender tie that now exists4 ,i hope ,i appreciate the value of children4 ,we should soon come to nothing without them4 ,what is a house without a baby8 ,it may be comparatively quiet1 but it is very dull4 ,a childless home misses its discipline and loses its music4 ,children are not certain sorrows and uncertain pleasures when properly managed4 ,if some parents taste the stream bitter it is very often they themselves who have poisoned the fountain4 ,they treated their children when very young merely as playthings1 humouring every caprice1 and sacrificing to present fancies future welfare2 then1 when the charm of infancy had passed1 they commenced a system of restraint and severity1 and displayed displeasure and irritability at the very defects of which they themselves laid the foundation4 ,in an evening spent with ,emerson1 says one who knew him1 he made one remark which left a memorable impression on my mind4 ,two children of the gentleman at whose house we met were playing in the room1 when their father remarked1 ',just the interesting age4' ',and at what age1' asked ,mr4 ,emerson1 'are children not interesting8' ,he regarded them with the eye of a philosopher and a poet1 and saw the possibilities that surround their very being with infinite interest4 ,each of his own children was for him a harbinger of sunny hours1 an angel sent from ,god with tidings of hope4 ,jeremy ,taylor says1 ,no man can tell but he that loves his children how many delicious accents make a man's heart dance in the pretty conversation of those dear pledges2 their childishness1 their stammering1 their little angers1 their innocence1 their imperfections1 their necessities1 are so many little emanations of joy and comfort to him that delights in their persons and society4 ,and what shall be said of the man who does not love his children8 ,that he1 far more than the unmusical man-- ,is fit for treasons1 stratagems1 and spoils2 ,the motions of his spirit are dull as night1 ,and his affections dark as ,erebus4 ,let no such man be trusted4 ,civic virtues1 unless they have their origin and consecration in private and domestic virtues1 are but the virtues of the theatre4 ,he who has not a loving heart for his child1 cannot pretend to have any true love for humanity4 ,i do not wonder1 said ,dr4 ,arnold1 that it was thought a great misfortune to die childless in old times1 when they had not fuller light--it seems so completely wiping a man out of existence4 ,write ye this man child-less4 ,cuvier's four children died before him4 ,in his sixty-seventh year we find ,moore writing1 ,the last of our five children is now gone1 and we are left desolate and alone4 ,not a single relative have ,i left now in the world4 ,how ,hallam was successively bereaved of sons so rich in promise is well known4 ,there is a touching gravestone in the cloisters of ,westminster ,abbey with the inscription1 ,jane ,lister1 deare child1 died ,oct4 #g1 #afhh4 ,these parents knew only too well the value of a child4 ,a merchant in the city was accustomed to demand an excuse from his clerks whenever they arrived late4 ,the excuse given1 he invariably added1 ,very well2 but don't let it happen again4 ,one morning a married clerk1 being behind time1 was promptly interrogated as to the cause4 ,slightly embarrassed1 he replied1 ,the truth is1 sir1 ,i had an addition to my family this morning1 and it was not convenient to be here sooner4 ,very well1 said the merchant1 in his quick1 nervous manner1 very well2 but don't let it happen again4 ,there are people who think one1 or1 at most1 two children1 very well1 but they don't wish it to happen again and again4 ,so frequently do additions happen at ,salt ,lake ,city that nine families can1 it is said1 fill the theatre4 ,one must love children very much to see the use of possessing the ninth part of a theatre-ful4 ,and yet a family that is too small is almost as great an evil as one that is too large4 ,it may be called a large little family4 ,often an only child gives as much trouble as a large family4 ,dr4 ,smiles tells us that a lady who1 with her husband1 had inspected most of the lunatic asylums of ,england and the ,continent1 found the most numerous class of patients was almost always composed of those who had been only children1 and whose wills had therefore rarely been thwarted or disciplined in early life4 ,what constitutes a large family8 ,upon this point there is much difference of opinion4 ,a poor woman was complaining one day that she did not receive her proper share of charitable doles4 ,her neighbour ,mrs4 ,hawke1 in the next court1 came in for everything and got more than ever she was entitled to2 for ,mrs4 ,hawke had no family--not to speak of2 only nine4 ,only nine6 how many then have you8 was the natural rejoinder4 ,fourteen living1 she replied4 ,but even fourteen is not such a very large number when one is used to it4 ,some one is said to have begun a story of some trifling adventure which had befallen him with the words1 ,as ,i was crossing ,oxford ,street the other day with fourteen of my daughters--,laughter followed1 and the narrator never got beyond those introductory words4 ,we do not believe this anecdote1 but if it were true1 was there not something heroic in the contented1 matter-of-fact way in which the man spoke of his belongings8 ,fourteen of my daughters6 ,an unsympathizing spectator might have said that any one with such a following ought to have been crossing not ,oxford ,street1 but the ,atlantic4 ,a nursery-maid was leading a little child up and down a garden4 ,is't a laddie or a lassie8 asked the gardener4 ,a laddie1 said the maid4 ,weel1 said he1 ,i'm glad o' that1 for there's ower mony women in the world4 ,heck1 man1 was the reply1 did ye no ken there's aye maist sown o' the best crap8 ,this rejoinder was more ready than correct1 for as a matter of fact more boys are born than girls4 ,it is natural for parents to desire offspring of both sexes4 ,both are required to complete a family4 ,being brought up together the boys acquire something of their sisters' delicacy and tact1 while the girls learn something of their brothers' self-reliance and independence4 ,desire not a multitude of unprofitable children1 neither delight in ungodly sons4 ,though they multiply1 rejoice not in them1 except the fear of the ,lord be with them4 ,trust not thou in their life1 neither respect their multitude3 for one that is just is better than a thousand2 and better it is to die without children1 than to have them that are ungodly4 ,in reference to children quality is far more to be desired than quantity4 ,without accepting pessimism1 we may deny that the mere propagation of the human race is an object which presents itself as in itself a good4 ,the chief end of man is not simply to have the hope and the misfortune of being1 but to glorify ,god and to serve humanity4 ,what is the use of a child who is likely to do neither8 ,if it be the will of ,god to withhold offspring from a young couple1 nothing should be said either by the husband or wife that could give the other pain on the subject4 ,to do so is more than reprehensible2 it is odious and contemptible4 ,how unlike ,elkanah1 when1 with sentiments at once manly and tender1 he thus addresses his weeping wife--,hannah1 why weepest thou8 and why eatest thou not8 and why is thy heart grieved8 am not ,i better to thee than ten sons8 ,we1 ignorant of ourselves1 ,beg often our own harms which the wise powers ,deny us for our good2 so find we profit ,by losing of our prayers4 ,writing on this subject a lady tells us that she had a relation who was married some years without having a child4 ,her feelings partook not only of grief1 but of anguish3 at length1 a lovely boy was granted her4 ,spare1 ,o ,god1 the life of my blessing1 was her constant prayer4 ,her blessing was spared3 he grew to the years of manhood2 squandered a fine fortune2 married a servant-maid2 and broke his mother's heart6 ,another intimate friend of the author's was inconsolable for not having children4 ,at length1 the prospect of her becoming a mother was certain1 and her joy was extreme4 ,the moment of trial arrived3 for four days and nights her sufferings and torture were not to be allayed by medical skill or human aid4 ,at length her cries ceased2 and1 at the same moment that she gave birth to two children1 she herself had become a corpse4 ,give me children1 said the impatient and weeping ,rachel1 or else ,i die 7,gen4 ,,xxx4 #a74 ,her prayer was heard1 and in giving birth to her boy the mother expired4 ,another impassioned mother1 as she bent over the bed of her sick infant1 called out1 ,oh1 no2 ,i cannot resign him4 ,it is impossible2 ,i cannot resign him4 ,a person present1 struck with her words1 noted them down in a daily journal which he kept4 ,the boy recovered2 and that day one-and-twenty years he was hanged as a murderer6 ,how terrible it is when a much-desired child is born to a comparatively useless existence by reason of some deficiency or deformity4 ,very touching is the story of a lady who1 though deaf and dumb1 became the wife of an earl through her beauty4 ,in due course the king o' the world1 the baby1 presented himself--a fine child1 of course1 and a future earl4 ,soon after its birth1 as the nurse sat watching the babe1 she saw the countess mother approach the cradle with a huge china vase1 lift it above the head of the sleeping child1 and poise it to dash it down4 ,petrified with horror1 wondering at the strange look of the mother's face1 the nurse sat powerless and still2 she dared not even cry out2 she was not near enough to throw herself between the victim and the blow4 ,the heavy mass was thrown down with a tremendous force and crash on the floor beside the cradle1 and the babe awoke terrified and screaming1 clung to his delighted mother1 who had made the experiment to discover whether her child had the precious gift of voice and hearing1 or was like herself1 a mute4 ,in his ,bachelor's ,complaint of the ,behaviour of ,married ,people1 ,charles ,lamb speaks of the airs which these creatures give themselves when they come1 as they generally do1 to have children4 ,when ,i consider how little of a rarity children are--that every street and blind alley swarms with them--that the poorest people commonly have them in most abundance--that there are few marriages that are not blest with at least one of these bargains--how often they turn out ill and defeat the fond hopes of their parents1 taking to vicious courses1 which end in poverty1 disgrace1 the gallows1 c4--,i cannot for my life tell what cause for pride there can possibly be in having them4 ,if they were young phoenixes1 indeed1 that were born but one in a hundred years1 there might be a pretext4 ,but when they are so common---- ,it is1 however1 far better for married people to take pride in their children than to be as indifferent to them as was a certain old lady who had brought up a family of children near a river4 ,a gentleman once said to her1 ,i should think you would have lived in constant fear that some of them would have got drowned4 ,oh no1 responded the old lady1 we only lost three or four in that way4 ,what is the use of a child8 ,not very much unless its parents accept it1 not as a plaything1 much less as a nuisance1 but as a most sacred trust--a talent to be put to the best account4 ,it is neither to be spoiled nor buried in the earth--how many careless mothers do this literally6--but to be made the most of for ,god and for man4 ,perhaps there was only ,one who perfectly understood the use of a child4 ,suffer the little children to come unto me1 and forbid them not3 for of such is the kingdom of ,god4 ,in some lines to a child ,longfellow has well answered the question we have been considering4 ,enough6 ,i will not play the ,seer2 ,i will no longer strive to ope ,the mystic volume1 where appear ,the herald ,hope1 forerunning ,fear1 ,and ,fear1 the pursuivant of ,hope4 ,thy destiny remains untold4 ,in the next chapter we shall point out how useful children are in educating their parents4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,the ,,education ,,of ,,parents4 ,o dearest1 dearest boy6 my heart ,for better lore would seldom yearn1 ,could ,i but teach the hundredth part ,of what from thee ,i learn4--,wordsworth4 ,how admirable is the arrangement through which human beings are led by their strongest affections to subject themselves to a discipline they would else elude4--,herbert ,spencer4 ,my friend1 said an old ,quaker1 to a lady who contemplated adopting a child1 ,i know not how far thou wilt succeed in educating her1 but ,i am quite certain she will educate you4 ,how encouraging and strengthening it should be for parents to reflect that1 in training up their children in the way they should go1 they are at the same time training up themselves in the way they should go2 that along with the education of their children their own higher education cannot but be carried on4 ,in ,silas ,marner1 ,george ,eliot has shown how by means of a little child a human soul may be redeemed from cold1 petrifying isolation2 how all its feelings may be freshened1 rejuvenated1 and made to flutter with new hope and activity4 ,very simple is the pathos of this matchless work of art4 ,nothing but the story of a faithless love and a false friend and the loss of trust in all things human or divine4 ,nothing but the story of a lone1 bewildered weaver1 shut out from his kind1 concentrating every baulked passion into one--the all-engrossing passion for gold4 ,and then the sudden disappearance of the hoard from its accustomed hiding-place1 and in its stead the startling apparition of a golden-haired little child found one snowy winter's night sleeping on the floor in front of the glimmering hearth4 ,and the gradual reawakening of love in the heart of the solitary man1 a love drawing his hope and joy continually onward beyond the money1 and once more bringing him into sympathetic relations with his fellow men4 ,in old days1 says the story1 there were angels who came and took men by the hand and led them away from the city of destruction4 ,we see no white-winged angels now4 ,but yet men are led away from threatening destruction2 a hand is put into theirs which leads them forth gently towards a calm and bright land1 so that they look no more backward1 and the hand may be a little child's4 ,children renew the youth of their parents and enable them to mount up with wings as eagles1 instead of becoming chained to the rock of selfishness4 ,we do not believe that all children are born good1 for it is the experience of every one that the evil tendencies of fathers are visited upon their children unto the third and fourth generation4 ,nevertheless all men are exhorted by the highest authority to follow their innocency1 which is great indeed as compared to our condition who-- ,through life's drear road1 so dim and dirty1 ,have dragged on to three-and-thirty4 ,whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of ,god as a little child1 he shall not enter therein4 ,evil tendencies are checked and good ones are educated or drawn out by children1 for they call to remembrance-- ,those early days1 when ,i ,shined in my angel-infancy1 ,before ,i taught my tongue to wound ,my conscience with a sinful sound1 ,or had the black art to dispense ,a several sin to every sense1 ,but felt through all this fleshly dress ,bright shoots of everlastingness4 ,when daily farther from the east--from ,god who is our home--we have travelled1 children are sent to recall us or at least to make us long to travel back1 and tread again that ancient track4 ,whatever we attempt to teach children we must first practise ourselves4 ,whatever a parent wishes his child to avoid he must make up his mind to renounce1 and1 on the other hand1 if we leave off any good habit1 we need not expect our children to continue it4 ,only the other day ,i heard a boy of five say to his father1 ,you must not be cross1 for if you are1 ,i shall be that when ,i grow up4 ,mother1 said a small urchin1 who had just been saying his prayers at her knees2 ,mother1 when may ,i leave off my prayers8 ,oh1 ,tommy1 what a notion6 ,what do you mean8 ,well1 mother1 father never says his prayers1 and ,i thought ,i was old enough to leave them off4 ,in young children the capacity for mimicry is very strong4 ,they imitate whatever they see done by their elders4 ,how wrong1 then1 is it for people to say or do before even a very young child what they would not say or do before an adult1 supposed to be more observant6 ,we must not say1 ,oh1 there's no one present but the child1 for the child is reading1 marking1 and inwardly digesting character as it is exhibited in words1 looks1 and deeds4 ,for the sake1 then1 of their children1 if not for their own sakes1 parents should seek to be very self-restrained1 truthful1 and1 above all things1 just4 ,right habits are imparted to children almost as easily as wrong ones4 ,the education of parents begins from the day their first child is born4 ,a young man and woman may be selfish and egotistical enough until the baby comes as a teacher of practical ,christianity into their home4 ,now they have to think of somebody beside themselves1 to give up not a few of their comforts and individual ways1 for the one important thing in the house is ,king ,baby4 ,if they really love their children1 parents will become truthful in act as well as in word1 knowing that truthful habits must be learned in childhood or not at all4 ,they will be so just that ,you'r' not fair will never be rightly charged against them4 ,and1 as regards sympathy1 they will try to be the friends and companions in sorrow and in joy as well as the parents of their children4 ,nor is it only the moral nature that is developed in the school of parenthood4 ,even to attempt to answer the wise questions of children is a task difficult enough to afford healthy exercise to the greatest minds4 ,when a child begins to cross-examine its parents as to why the fire burns1 how his carte-de-visite was taken1 how many stars there are1 why people suffer1 why ,god does not kill the devil--grown-up ignorance or want of sympathy too often laughs at him1 says that children should not ask tiresome questions1 and not only checks the inquiring spirit within him1 but misses the intellectual improvement that would have come from endeavouring to answer his questions4 ,little people should be seen and not heard is a stupid saying1 which makes young observers shy of imparting to their elders the things that arrest their attention4 ,children would gladly learn and gladly teach1 but if they are frequently snubbed they will do neither4 ,men such as ,professor ,robinson of ,edinburgh1 the first editor of the ,encyclopaedia ,britannica1 have not been above receiving intellectual improvement and pleasure from a little child4 ,i am delighted1 he wrote in reference to his grandchild1 with observing the growth of its little soul1 and particularly with its numberless instincts1 which formerly passed unheeded4 ,i thank the ,french theorists for more forcibly directing my attention to the finger of ,god1 which ,i discern in every awkward movement and every wayward whim4 ,they are all guardians of his life and growth and power4 ,i regret indeed that ,i have not time to make infancy and the development of its powers my sole study4 ,some parents seem to imagine that they sufficiently perform their duty when they give their children a good education4 ,they forget that there is the education of the fireside as well as of the school4 ,at schools and academies there is no cultivation of the affections1 but often very much of the reverse4 ,hence the value to the young of kindly home influences that touch the heart and understanding4 ,among the poems of ,george ,macdonald are the following pretty and playful lines called simply ,the ,baby-- ,where did you come from1 baby dear8 ,out of the everywhere into here4 ,where did you get your eyes so blue8 ,out of the skies as ,i came through4 ,what makes your forehead smooth and high8 ,a soft hand stroked it as ,i went by4 ,what makes your cheek like a warm white rose8 ,i saw something better than any one knows4 ,whence that three-cornered smile of bliss8 ,three angels gave me at once a kiss4 ,where did you get that coral ear8 ,god spoke1 and it came out to hear4 ,where did you get those arms and hands8 ,love made itself into bonds and bands4 ,whence came your feet1 dear little things8 ,from the same box as the cherubs' wings4 ,how did they all first come to be you8 ,god thought about me1 and so ,i grew4 ,but how did you come to us1 you dear8 ,god thought about you1 and so ,i am here4 ,yes1 ,god is thinking about our highest interests when ,he sends children to us4 ,they are sent as little missionaries to turn us from evil and to develop within us the ,divine image4 ,when we see sin stirring in our children1 no stroke seems too heavy to crush the noxious passion before it grows to fell dimensions and laughs to scorn the sternest chastisement4 ,heaven is saying to us1 ,physician1 heal thyself2 strike hard1 strike home2 purge thine own heart of the evil4 ,lest your children should suffer1 restrain your temper1 curb your passions1 master your unholy desires4 ,this1 then1 is one of the most important reasons why ,god setteth the solitary in families4 ,he desires not only that they should train up children in the nurture and admonition of the ,lord1 but also that they may by doing so be brought to ,him themselves4 ,when the day of account comes1 after life's brief stormy passage is over1 ,he wishes them to be able to say1 ,here am ,i1 for ,i have been educated by the children whom ,thou hast given me4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,wanted6--,,mothers4 ,there are comparatively very few women not replete with maternal love2 and1 by the by1 take you care if you meet with a girl who 'is not fond of children1' not to marry her by any means4 ,some few there are who even make a boast that they 'cannot bear children1' that is1 cannot endure them4 ,i never knew a man that was good for much who had a dislike to little children2 and ,i never knew a woman of that taste who was good for anything at all4 ,i have seen a few such in the course of my life1 and ,i have never wished to see one of them a second time4--,cobbett's ,advice to ,young ,men4 ,napoleon ,buonaparte was accustomed to say that the future good or bad conduct of a child depended entirely on the mother4 ,in the course of a conversation with ,madame ,campan he remarked3 ,the old systems of instruction seem to be worth nothing2 what is yet wanting in order that the people should be properly educated8 ,mothers1 replied ,madame ,campan4 ,the reply struck the emperor4 ,yes6 said he1 here is a system of education in one word4 ,be it your care1 then1 to train up mothers who shall know how to educate their children4 ,she who rocks the cradle rules the world1 for she it is who guides and trains the opening minds of those who shall influence the coming generation4 ,in its earliest years1 the mother's every look1 tone of voice1 and action1 sink into the heart and memory of her child and are presently reproduced in its own life4 ,from this point of view the throne of motherhood ought1 as ,madame ,laetitia ,buonaparte believed1 to take precedence of that of kings4 ,when her son1 on becoming an emperor1 half playfully1 half gravely offered her his hand to kiss1 she flung it back to him indignantly1 saying1 in the presence of his courtiers1 ,it is your duty to kiss the hand of her who gave you life4 ,no wonder that a good mother has been called nature's chef d'oeuvre1 for she is not only the perfection of womanhood1 but the most beautiful and valuable of nature's productions4 ,to her the world is indebted for the work done by most of its great and gifted men4 ,as letters cut in the bark of a young tree grow and widen with age1 so do the ideas which a mother implants in the mind of her talented child4 ,thus ,scott is said to have received his first bent towards ballad literature from his mother's and grandmother's recitations in his hearing long before he himself had learned to read4 ,goethe owed the bias of his mind and character to his mother1 who possessed in a high degree the art of stimulating young and active minds1 instructing them in the science of life out of the treasures of her abundant experience4 ,after a lengthened interview with her a traveller said1 ,now do ,i understand how ,goethe has become the man he is4 ,goethe himself affectionately cherished her memory4 ,she was worthy of life6 he once said of her2 and when he visited ,frankfort1 he sought out every individual who had been kind to his mother1 and thanked them4 ,the poet ,gray was equally grateful to his mother4 ,on the memorial which he erected over her remains he described her as the careful1 tender mother of many children1 one of whom alone had the misfortune to survive her4 ,in a corner of his room there was a trunk containing the carefully folded dresses of his dead mother1 whom he never mentioned without a sigh4 ,when a mother once asked a clergyman when she should begin the education of her child1 then four years old1 he replied3 ,madam1 if you have not begun already1 you have lost those four years4 ,from the first smile that gleams upon an infant's cheek1 your opportunity begins4 ,cowper's mother must have well used this opportunity considering the impression her brief companionship made upon the poet4 ,she died when he was six years old1 and yet in after-life he could say that not a week passed in which he did not think of her4 ,when his cousin one day presented him with a portrait of his mother he said3 ,i had rather possess that picture than the richest jewel in the ,british crown2 for ,i loved her with an affection that her death1 fifty-two years since1 has not in the least abated4 ,surely it is better for a mother to merit such love than to leave the care of her children almost entirely to servants because all her time is occupied serving divers lusts and pleasures4 ,give your child to be educated by a slave1 said an ancient ,greek1 and instead of one slave1 you will then have two4 ,on the other hand1 happy is he whom his mother teacheth4 ,one good mother is worth a hundred nurses or teachers4 ,if from any cause1 whether from necessity1 or from indolence1 or from desire for company1 children are deprived of a mother's care1 instruction1 and influence1 it is an incalculable loss4 ,curran spoke with great affection of his mother1 as a woman of strong original understanding1 to whose wise counsel1 consistent piety1 and lessons of honourable ambition1 which she diligently enforced on the minds of her children1 he himself principally attributed his success in life4 ,the only inheritance1 he used to say1 that ,i could boast of from my poor father1 was the very scanty one of an unattractive face and person1 like his own2 and if the world has ever attributed to me something more valuable than face or person1 or than earthly wealth1 it was because another and a dearer parent gave her child a portion from the treasure of her mind4 ,mrs4 ,wesley1 the mother of ,john ,wesley1 made it a rule to converse alone with one of her little ones every evening1 listening to their childish confessions1 and giving counsel in their childish perplexities4 ,she was the patient teacher as well as the cheerful companion of her children4 ,when some one said to her1 ,why do you tell that blockhead the same thing twenty times over8 she replied1 ,because if ,i had told him only nineteen times ,i should have lost all my labour4 ,so deep was the hold this mother had on the hearts of her sons1 that in his early manhood she had tenderly to rebuke ,john for that fond wish of his1 to die before she died4 ,it was through the bias given by her to her sons' minds in religious matters that they acquired the tendency which1 even in early years1 drew to them the name of ,methodists4 ,in a letter to her son1 ,samuel1 when a scholar at ,westminster1 she said3 ,i would advise you as much as possible to throw your business into a certain method1 by which means you will learn to improve every precious moment1 and find an unspeakable facility in the performance of your respective duties4 ,this method she went on to describe1 exhorting her son in all things to act upon principle2 and the society which the brothers ,john and ,charles afterwards founded at ,oxford is supposed to have been in a great measure the result of her exhortations4 ,the example of such mothers as ,lord ,byron's serves for a warning1 for it shows that the influence of a bad mother is quite as hurtful as that of a good one is beneficial4 ,she is said to have died in a fit of passion1 brought on by reading her upholsterer's bills4 ,she even taunted her son with his personal deformity2 and it was no unfrequent occurrence1 in the violent quarrels which occurred between them1 for her to take up the poker or tongs1 and hurl them after him as he fled from her presence4 ,it was this unnatural treatment that gave a morbid turn to ,byron's after-life2 and1 careworn1 unhappy1 great1 and yet weak as he was1 he carried about with him the mother's poison which he had sucked in his infancy4 ,hence he exclaims1 in ,childe ,harold-- ,yet must ,i think less wildly3--,i have though ,too long and darkly1 till my brain became1 ,in its own eddy boiling and o'erwrought1 ,a whirling gulf of phantasy and flame3 ,and thus1 untaught in youth my heart to tame1 ,my springs of life were poisoned1 ,in like manner1 though in a different way1 the character of ,mrs4 ,foote1 the actor's mother1 was curiously repeated in the life of her joyous1 jovial-hearted son4 ,though she had been heiress to a large fortune1 she soon spent it all1 and was at length imprisoned for debt4 ,in this condition she wrote to ,sam1 who had been allowing her a hundred a year out of the proceeds of his acting3 ,dear ,sam1 ,i am in prison for debt2 come and assist your loving mother1 ,e4 ,foote4 ,to which her son characteristically replied--,dear mother1 so am ,i2 which prevents his duty being paid to his loving mother by her affectionate son1 ,sam ,foote4 ,mothers ought not to deceive themselves so far as to think that when they over-indulge their children they are exhibiting genuine mothers' love4 ,in reality they are merely shifting their method of self-pleasing4 ,we believe the love of ,god to be the supreme love2 but have we ever reflected that in that awful love of ,god for ,his poor children of clay there must be mingled at once infinite tenderness and pity1 and at the same time a severity which never shrinks from any suffering needed to recall us from sin8 ,this is the ideal of all love towards which we should strive to lift our poor1 feeble1 short-sighted1 selfish affections2 and which it above all concerns a parent to strive to translate into the language of human duty4 ,this is the truest love1 the love which attaches itself to the very soul of the child1 which repents with it1 with tears bitterer than its own1 for its faults1 and1 while heaping on it so far as may be every innocent pleasure1 never for an instant abandons the thought of its highest and ultimate welfare4 ,the loving instruction of a mother may seem to have been thrown away1 but it will appear after many days4 ,when ,i was a little child1 said a good old man1 my mother used to bid me kneel down beside her1 and place her hand upon my head while she prayed4 ,ere ,i was old enough to know her worth she died1 and ,i was left too much to my own guidance4 ,like others1 ,i was inclined to evil passions1 but often felt myself checked and1 as it were1 drawn back by a soft hand upon my head4 ,when a young man ,i travelled in foreign lands1 and was exposed to many temptations2 but1 when ,i would have yielded1 that same hand was upon my head1 and ,i was saved4 ,i seemed to feel its pressure as in the happy days of infancy2 and sometimes there came with it a voice in my heart1 a voice that was obeyed3 ',oh do not this wickedness1 my son1 nor sin against ,god4' ,with children you must mix gentleness with firmness4 ,a man who is learning to play on a trumpet and a petted child are two very disagreeable companions4 ,if a mother never has headaches through rebuking her little children1 she shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up4 ,at the same time1 a mother should not hamper her child with unnecessary1 foolish restrictions4 ,it is a great mistake to fancy that your boy is made of glass1 and to be always telling him not to do this and not to do that for fear of his breaking himself4 ,on the principle never to give pain unless it is to prevent a greater pain1 you should grant every request which is at all reasonable1 and let him see that your denial of a thing is for his own good1 and not simply to save trouble2 but once having settled a thing hold to it4 ,unless a child learns from the first that his mother's yea is yea1 and her nay nay1 it will get into the habit of whining and endeavouring to coax her out of her refusal1 and her authority will soon be gone4 ,unselfish mothers must be careful not to make their children selfish4 ,the mother who is continually giving up her own time1 money1 strength1 and pleasure for the gratification of her children teaches them to expect it always4 ,they learn to be importunate in their demands and to expect more and more4 ,if the mother wears an old dress that her idle son may have a new coat1 if she works that he may play1 she is helping to make him vain1 selfish1 and good-for-nothing4 ,the wise mother will insist upon being the head of her household1 and with quiet unobtrusive dignity she will hold that place4 ,she should never become the subject of her own children4 ,even in such mere external matters as dress and furniture her life should be better equipped4 ,the crown should be on her head1 not on theirs4 ,thus from babyhood they should be habituated to look up to1 not down on1 their mother4 ,she should find time1 or make it1 to care for her own culture2 to keep her intellectual and her art nature alive4 ,the children may advance beyond her knowledge2 let her look to it that they do not advance beyond her intellectual sympathies4 ,woe to both her and them if she does not keep them well in sight6 ,happiness is the natural condition of every normal child1 and if the small boy or girl has a peculiar facility for any one thing1 it is for self-entertainment4 ,one of the greatest defects in our modern method of treating children is to overload them with costly and elaborate toys1 by which we cramp their native ingenuity or perhaps force their tastes into the wrong channel4 ,the children of the humbler and the unpampered classes are far happier than are those children whose created wants are legion and require a fortune for their satisfaction4 ,some mothers believe that they are exhibiting the proper maternal feelings in keeping their children at home when they should send them forth into the world1 where alone they can be taught the virtue of self-dependence4 ,a time will come when the active young man who is checked by foolish fondness will exclaim with bitterness-- ,prison'd and kept1 and coax'd and whistled to-- ,since the good mother holds me still a child1 ,good mother is bad mother unto me6 ,a worse were better6 ,far more truly loving is the mother who sends her son into the battle of life preferring anything for him rather than a soft1 indolent1 useless existence4 ,such a mother is like those ,spartan mothers who used to say to their sons as they handed to them their shields1 ,with it or upon it1 my son6 ,better death than dishonour was also the feeling of the mother of the successful missionary ,william ,knibb4 ,her parting words to him were ,william1 ,william6 mind1 ,william1 ,i had rather hear that you had perished at sea1 than that you had dishonoured the ,society you go to serve4 ,never promise a child and then fail to perform1 whether you promise him a bun or a beating1 for if once you lose your child's confidence you will find it all but impossible to regain it4 ,happy is the mother who can say1 ,i never told my child a lie1 nor ever deceived him1 even for what seemed his good4 ,robert ,hall once reproved a young mother because1 in putting a little baby to bed1 she put on her own nightcap1 and lay down by it till it went to sleep4 ,madam1 said the eloquent preacher1 you are acting a lie1 and teaching the child to lie4 ,it was in vain that the mother pleaded that the child would not go to sleep4 ,that1 said ,hall1 is nonsense4 ,properly brought up it must sleep4 ,make it know what you want2 obedience is necessary on its part1 but not a lie on yours4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,nursing ,,fathers4 ,and kings shall be thy nursing fathers4--,isaiah xlix4 #bc4 ,it is an old saying1 ,praise the child and you make love to the mother2 and it is a thing that no husband ought to overlook1 for if the wife wish her child to be admired by others1 what must be the ardour of her wishes with regard to his admiration6 ,cobbett tells us that there was a drunken man in his regiment1 who used to say that his wife would forgive him for spending all the pay1 and the washing money into the bargain1 if he would but kiss her ugly brat1 and say it was pretty4 ,though this was a profligate he had philosophy in him2 and certain it is that there is nothing worthy of the name of conjugal happiness unless the husband clearly evince that he is fond of his children4 ,where you find children loving and helpful to their mothers1 you generally find their father at the bottom of it4 ,if the husband respect his wife the children will respect their mother4 ,if the husband rises to offer her a chair1 they will not sit still when she enters the room2 if he helps to bear her burdens1 they will not let her be the pack-horse of the household4 ,if to her husband the wife is but an upper servant1 to her children she will easily become but a waiting-maid4 ,the first care of the true1 wise husband will be to sustain the authority of the wife and mother4 ,it must be a very remarkable exigency which allows him to sit as a court of appeal from her decisions1 and reverse them4 ,but although husbands ought not to vexatiously interfere with their wives in the management of children1 especially of young children1 still they must not shirk their share of care and responsibility4 ,it was not without reason that ,diogenes struck the father when the son swore1 because he had taught him no better4 ,there is no effeminacy in the title nursing fathers1 but the contrary4 ,fondness for children arises from compassionate feeling for creatures that are helpless and innocent4 ,napoleon loved the man who held with a steel hand1 covered with a silk glove2 so should the father be gentle but firm4 ,happy is he who is happy in his children1 and happy are the children who are happy in their father4 ,all fathers are not wise4 ,some are like ,eli1 and spoil their children4 ,not to cross our children is the way to make a cross of them4 ,but1 ,ye fathers1 provoke not your children to wrath4 ,that is1 do not irritate them by unwise or capricious rules and ways4 ,help your wives to make the home lively and pleasant1 so as to keep the children from seeking pleasure and excitement elsewhere4 ,the proverb says that ,clergymen's sons always turn out badly4 ,why8 ,because the children are surfeited with severe religion1 not with the true religion of ,christ1 who was ,himself reproved by the prototypes of such severe men4 ,where1 asks ,mr4 ,james ,payn1 is the children's fun8 ,boys are now crammed with knowledge like turkeys 7but unfortunately not killed at ,christmas71 and there is absolutely no room in them for a joke4 ,an idol called success is put up for worship1 and fathers are ready to sacrifice the health and happiness of their children upon its altar4 ,the educational abomination of desolation of the present day1 says ,professor ,huxley1 is the stimulation of young people to work at high pressure by incessant examinations4 ,some wise man 7who probably was not an early riser7 has said of early risers in general1 that they are conceited all the forenoon1 and stupid all the afternoon4 ,now whether this is true of early risers in the common acceptation of the word or not1 ,i will not pretend to say2 but it is too often true of the unhappy children who are forced to rise too early in their classes4 ,they are conceited all the forenoon of life1 and stupid all its afternoon4 ,how much unhappiness might children be spared if fathers would goad them less1 and sometimes cheer up that dulness which has fallen to most of us1 by saying3 ,be good1 dear child1 and let who will be clever2 ,do noble things--nor dream them all day long2 ,and so make life1 death1 and that vast for ever ,one grand1 sweet song4 ,what to do with our boys and girls is certainly a serious question1 but the last thing we should do with them is to make them miserable4 ,why not disregard all false notions of gentility1 and have each child well taught a manual trade8 ,then they will have riches in their arms1 and you will have escaped the unpleasant alternative of the ,jewish proverb1 which says that he who does not teach his son a trade teaches him to steal4 ,we give here a sketch of ,canon ,kingsley as a father1 because we do not remember any home life more beautiful and instructive4 ,because the ,rectory-house was on low ground1 the rector of ,eversley1 who considered violation of the divine laws of health a sort of acted blasphemy1 built his children an outdoor nursery on the ,mount1 where they kept books1 toys1 and tea things1 spending long1 happy days on the highest and loveliest point of moorland in the glebe2 and there he would join them when his parish work was done1 bringing them some fresh treasure picked up in his walk1 a choice wild-flower or fern or rare beetle1 sometimes a lizard or a field-mouse2 ever waking up their sense of wonder1 calling out their powers of observation1 and teaching them lessons out of ,god's great green book1 without their knowing they were learning4 ,out-of-doors and indoors1 the ,sundays were the happiest days of the week to the children1 though to their father the hardest4 ,when his day's work was done1 there was always the ,sunday walk1 in which each bird and plant and brook was pointed out to the children1 as preaching sermons to ,eyes1 such as were not even dreamt of by people of the ,no-eyes species4 ,indoors the ,sunday picture-books were brought out1 and each child chose its subject for the father to draw1 either some ,bible story1 or bird or beast or flower4 ,in all ways he fostered in his children a love of animals4 ,they were taught to handle without disgust toads1 frogs1 beetles1 as works from the hand of a living ,god4 ,his guests were surprised one morning at breakfast when his little girl ran up to the open window of the dining-room1 holding a long1 repulsive-looking worm in her hand3 ,oh1 daddy1 look at this delightful worm6 ,kingsley had a horror of corporal punishment1 not merely because it tends to produce antagonism between parent and child1 but because he considered more than half the lying of children to be the result of fear of punishment4 ,do not train a child1 he said1 as men train a horse1 by letting anger and punishment be the first announcement of his having sinned4 ,if you do1 you induce two bad habits3 first1 the boy regards his parent with a kind of blind dread1 as a being who may be offended by actions which to him are innocent1 and whose wrath he expects to fall upon him at any moment in his most pure and unselfish happiness4 ,next1 and worst still1 the boy learns not to fear sin1 but the punishment of it1 and thus he learns to lie4 ,he was careful too not to confuse his children by a multiplicity of small rules4 ,it is difficult enough to keep the ,ten ,commandments1 he would say1 without making an eleventh in every direction4 ,he had no moods with his family1 for he cultivated1 by strict self-discipline in the midst of worries and pressing business1 a disengaged temper1 that always enabled him to enter into other people's interests1 and especially into children's playfulness4 ,i wonder1 he would say1 if there is so much laughing in any other home in ,england as in ours4 ,he became a light-hearted boy in the presence of his children4 ,when nursery griefs and broken toys were taken to his study1 he was never too busy to mend the toy and dry the tears4 ,he held with ,jean ,paul ,richter1 that children have their days and hours of rain1 which parents should not take much notice of1 either for anxiety or sermons1 but should lightly pass over1 except when they are symptoms of coming illness4 ,and his knowledge of physiology enabled him to detect such symptoms4 ,he recognized the fact1 that weariness at lessons and sudden fits of obstinacy are not hastily to be treated as moral delinquencies1 springing as they so often do from physical causes1 which are best counteracted by cessation from work and change of scene4 ,how blessed is the son who can speak of his father as ,charles ,kingsley's eldest son does4 ',perfect love casteth out fear'1 was the motto1 he says1 on which my father based his theory of bringing up children4 ,from this and from the interests he took in their pursuits1 their pleasures1 trials1 and even the petty details of their everyday life1 there sprang up a friendship between father and children1 that increased in intensity and depth with years4 ,to speak for myself1 he was the best friend--the only true friend ,i ever had4 ,at once he was the most fatherly and the most unfatherly of fathers--fatherly in that he was our intimate friend and our self-constituted adviser2 unfatherly in that our feeling for him lacked that fear and restraint that make boys call their father 'the governor4' ,ours was the only household ,i ever saw in which there was no favouritism4 ,it seemed as if in each of our different characters he took an equal pride1 while he fully recognized their different traits of good or evil2 for instead of having one code of social1 moral1 and physical laws laid down for one and all of us1 each child became a separate study for him2 and its little 'diseases au moral1' as he called them1 were treated differently1 according to each different temperament4444 ,perhaps the brightest picture of the past that ,i look back to now is the drawing-room at ,eversley1 in the evenings1 when we were all at home and by ourselves4 ,there he sat1 with one hand in mother's1 forgetting his own hard work in leading our fun and frolic1 with a kindly smile on his lips1 and a loving light in that bright gray eye1 that made us feel that1 in the broadest sense of the word1 he was our father4 ,of this son1 when he was an undergraduate at ,cambridge1 his father 7then ,professor of ,history7 writes3 ,ah6 what a blessing to be able to help him at last by teaching him something one's self6 ,and to a learned ,f4,g4,s4 he says very seriously3 ,my eldest son is just going off to try his manhood in ,colorado1 ,united ,states4 ,you will understand1 therefore1 that it is somewhat important to me just now whether the world be ruled by a just and wise ,god1 or by o4 ,it is also important to me with regard to my own boy's future1 whether what is said to have happened to-morrow 7,good ,friday7 be true or false4 ,writing to his wife from the seaside1 where he had gone in search of health1 he says3 ,this place is perfect2 but it seems a dream and imperfect without you4 ,kiss the darling ducks of children for me4 ,how ,i long after them and their prattle6 ,i delight in all the little ones in the street1 for their sake1 and continually ,i start and fancy ,i hear their voices outside4 ,you do not know how ,i love them2 nor did ,i hardly till ,i came here4 ,absence quickens love into consciousness4 ,tell ,rose and ,maurice that ,i have got two pair of bucks' horns--one for each of them1 huge old fellows1 almost as big as baby4 ,writing from ,france to my dear little man1 as he calls his youngest son 7for whom he wrote the ,water ,babies71 he says3 ,there is a little ,egyptian vulture here in the inn2 ask mother to show you his picture in the beginning of the bird-book4 ,there was little danger that the sons of such a clergyman as this would turn out badly4 ,a companion picture of ,dr4 ,arnold as a father1 has been drawn by ,dean ,stanley3 ,it is impossible adequately to describe the union of the whole family round him1 who was not only the father and guide1 but the elder brother and playfellow of his children2 the gentleness and tenderness which marked his whole feeling and manner in the privacy of his domestic intercourse4 ,enough1 however1 may perhaps be said to recall something at least of its outward aspect4 ,there was the cheerful voice that used to go sounding through the house in the early morning1 as he went round to call his children2 the new spirits which he seemed to gather from the mere glimpses of them in the midst of his occupations--the increased merriment of all in any game in which he joined--the happy walks on which he would take them in the fields and hedges1 hunting for flowers--the yearly excursion to look in the neighbouring clay-pit for the earliest coltsfoot1 with the mock siege that followed4 ,nor1 again1 was the sense of his authority as a father ever lost in his playfulness as a companion4 ,his personal superintendence of their ordinary instructions was necessarily limited by his other engagements1 but it was never wholly laid aside4 ,in the later years of his life it was his custom to read the ,psalms and ,lessons of the day with his family every morning2 and the common reading of a chapter in the ,bible every ,sunday evening1 with repetition of hymns or parts of ,scripture by every member of the family--the devotion with which he would himself repeat his favourite poems from the ,christian ,year1 or his favourite passages from the ,gospels--the same attitude of deep attention in listening to the questions of his youngest children1 the same reverence in answering their difficulties that he would have shown to the most advanced of his friends or his scholars--form a picture not soon to pass away from the mind of any one who was ever present4 ,but his teaching in his family was naturally not confined to any particular occasions2 they looked to him for information and advice at all times2 and a word of authority from him was a law not to be questioned for a moment4 ,and with the tenderness which seemed to be alive to all their wants and wishes1 there was united that peculiar sense of solemnity1 with which1 in his eyes1 the very idea of a family life was invested4 ,the anniversaries of domestic events--the passing away of successive generations--the entrance of his sons on the several stages of their education1 struck on the deepest chords of his nature1 and made him blend with every prospect of the future the keen sense of the continuance 7so to speak7 of his own existence in the good and evil fortunes of his children1 and to unite the thought of them with the yet more solemn feeling1 with which he was at all times wont to regard 'the blessing' of 'a whole house transplanted entire from earth to heaven1 without one failure4' ,what ,luther was as a father may be imagined from a letter which he wrote when absent at the ,diet of ,augsburg1 to his little boy1 aged five years4 ,the mother had written the home news1 especially telling the loving father about his first-born1 so to him1 as well as to her1 ,luther wrote the following letter1 full of fatherly fondness and charming naturalness4 ,grace and peace in ,christ1 my dear little boy4 ,i am pleased to see that thou learnest thy lessons well1 and prayest well4 ,go on thus1 my dear boy1 and when ,i come home ,i will bring you a fine fairing4 ,i know of a pretty garden where are merry children that have gold frocks1 and gather nice apples and plums and cherries under the trees1 and sing and dance1 and ride on pretty horses with gold bridles and silver saddles4 ,i asked the man of the place whose the garden was1 and who the children were4 ,he said1 ',these are the children who pray and learn and are good4' ,then ,i answered1 ',i also have a son1 who is called ,hans ,luther4 ,may he come to this garden1 and eat pears and apples1 and ride a little horse1 and play with the others8' ,the man said1 ',if he says his prayers1 and learns and is good1 he may come2 and ,lippus and ,jost ,melanchthon's son ,philip1 and ,jonas' son1 ,jodecus may come1 and they shall have pipes and drums and lutes and fiddles1 and they shall dance1 and shoot with little crossbows4 ,then he showed me a smooth lawn in the garden laid out for dancing1 and there the pipes and crossbows hung4 ,but it was still early1 and the children had not dined1 and ,i could not wait for the dance4 ,so ,i said1 ',dear sir1 ,i will go straight home and write all this to my little boy2 but he has an aunt1 ,lene 7great-aunt ,magdalen7 that he must bring with him4' ,and the man answered1 ',so it shall be6 go and write as you say4' ,therefore1 dear little boy1 learn and pray with a good heart1 and tell ,lippus and ,jost to do the same1 and then you will all come to the garden together4 ,almighty ,god guard you4 ,give my love to ,aunt ,lene1 and give her a kiss for me4--,your loving father1 ,,martin ,,luther4 ,what is chiefly wanted in the education of children is a wise mixture of love and firmness4 ,parental authority should be regarded as vicegerent authority1 set up by ,god and ruling in ,his stead4 ,a parent is to a child what ,god is to a good man4 ,he is the moral governor of the world of childhood4 ,parental government is therefore only genuine when it rules for the same ends as ,god pursues4 ,when children accord willing obedience the end of family government is gained4 ,to attain this end a parent should be careful to observe the following rules4 ,first1 never to hamper a child with arbitrary restrictions1 but1 if possible1 always to let the reasons of each command or prohibition be apparent2 secondly1 to let every punishment have some relation to the offence1 and so imitate the great laws of nature1 which entail definite consequences on every act of wrong2 and1 thirdly1 never to threaten a punishment and afterwards shrink from inflicting it2 finally1 punishments should be severe enough to serve their purpose1 and gentle enough to ensure the continuance of affection4 ,nor should the child be left alone until he feels that the punishment has been for his own good1 and gives assurance of this feeling by putting on a pleasant face4 ,human nature requires amusement as well as teaching and correction4 ,one of the first duties of a parent is to sympathize with the play of his children4 ,how much do little children crave for sympathy6 ,they hold out every new object for you to see it with them1 and look up after each gambol for you to rejoice with them4 ,let play-time and playthings be given liberally4 ,invite suitable companions1 and do everything in your power to make home sweet4 ,authority1 so unbent1 will be all the stronger and more welcome from our display of real sympathy4 ,if family government were well carried out in every home1 children would be happier and better than they are now4 ,then there would be1 even in our own great towns1 a partial realization of the words of the prophet ,zechariah1 in reference to ,jerusalem delivered3 ,and the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls1 playing in the streets thereof4 ,the home of our children ought never to be a prison where there is plenty of rule and order1 but no love and no pleasure4 ,we should remember that he who makes a little child happier for an hour is a fellow-worker with ,god4 ,it was bitterly said of a certain ,pharisaical household that in it no one should please himself1 neither should he please any one else2 for in either case he would be thought to be displeasing ,god4 ,this reminds us of the ,scotchman who1 having gone back to his country after a long absence1 declared that the whole kingdom was on the road to perdition4 ,people1 he said1 used to be reserved and solemn on the sabbath1 but now they look as happy on that day as on any other4 ,it is a blessed thing for the rising generation that such grotesque perversions of religion are seldom presented to them now2 for every well-instructed ,christian ought to be aware that religion does not banish mirth1 but only moderates and sets rules to it4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,politeness ,,at ,,home4 ,manners are of more importance than laws4 ,upon these1 in a great measure1 the laws depend4 ,the law teaches us but here and there1 now and then4 ,manners are what vex or soothe1 corrupt or purify1 exalt or debase1 barbarize or refine us1 by a constant1 steady1 uniform1 insensible operation1 like that of the air we breathe in4 ,they give their whole form and colour to our lives4 ,according to their quality1 they aid morals1 they supply laws1 or they totally destroy them4--,burke4 ,about twelve thousand police in ,london are able to take care of about four million people4 ,how is it done8 ,chiefly by moral force1 and1 above all1 by civility4 ,sir ,edmund ,henderson1 the ,chief ,commissioner of the force1 said on a recent occasion that it was by strict attention to duty1 by sobriety1 and1 above all1 by civility1 that the police endeavoured to do their duty4 ,i lay great stress upon civility1 said the ,chief ,commissioner1 for ,i think it is the great characteristic of the metropolitan police force4 ,if civility and politeness have such an influence upon the hard1 rough world of ,london how much greater will be the effect of good manners or beautiful behaviour1 not only in rendering comparatively safe the many difficult crossings in the path of newly-married people1 but also in adorning even the smallest details of family life6 ,true courtesy exhibits itself in a disposition to contribute to the happiness of others1 and in refraining from all that may annoy them4 ,and the cultivation day by day of this sweet reasonableness is almost as necessary to the comfort of those who live together as the daily calls of the milkman and the baker4 ,if no two people have it so much in their power to torment each other as husband and wife1 it is their bounden duty to guard against this liability by cultivating the habit of domestic politeness4 ,it is a mistake to suppose that the forms of courtesy can be safely dispensed with in the family circle4 ,with the disappearance of the forms the reality will too often disappear4 ,the very effort of appearing bright under adverse circumstances is sure to render cheerfulness easier on another occasion4 ,good manners like good words cost little and are worth much4 ,they oil the machinery of social life1 but more especially of domestic life4 ,if a cheerful good morning and good evening conciliate strangers they are not lost upon a wife4 ,hardness and repulsiveness of manner originate in want of respect for the feelings of others4 ,remember1 says ,sydney ,smith1 that your children1 your wife1 and your servants have rights and feelings2 treat them as you would treat persons who could turn again4 ,do not attempt to frighten children and inferiors by passion2 it does more harm to your own character than it does good to them4 ,passion gets less and less powerful after every defeat4 ,husband energy for the real demand which the dangers of life make upon it4 ,good manners are more than surface ,christianity4 ,rowland ,hill was right when he said1 ,i do not think much of a man's religion unless his dog and cat are the happier for it4 ,woman was made out of a rib from the side of ,adam--not out of his head to top him1 not out of his feet to be trampled on by him1 but out of his side to be equal to him3 under his arm to be protected1 and near his heart to be loved4 ,use the woman tenderly1 tenderly2 ,from a crooked rib ,god made her slenderly3 ,straight and strong ,he did not make her1 ,so if you try to bend you'll break her4 ,men are cautioned by the ,jewish ,talmud to be careful lest they cause women to weep1 for ,god counts their tears4 ,there are some people who stretch their manners to such an unnatural degree in society that they are pretty sure to go to the opposite extreme when relaxing at home4 ,feeling released from something that was hanging over them they run wild and become rude in consequence of their late restraint4 ,is it not1 to say the least1 probable that such patient humility as the following would be followed by a reaction8 ,bishop ,thirlwall was generally regarded1 except by the small circle of those who knew him intimately1 with much awe by his clergy1 who thought that they had better keep as far as possible out of the way of their terribly logical and rather sarcastic diocesan4 ,the legend was that he had trained a highly sagacious dog into the habit of detecting and biting intrusive curates4 ,an amusing story is told of a humble-minded ,levite who was staying at ,abergwili ,palace on the occasion of an ordination4 ,an egg was placed before him1 which1 on tapping1 proved a very bad one indeed4 ,the ,bishop made a kindly apology1 and told a servant to bring a fresh one4 ,no1 thank you1 my lord1 replied the young clergyman1 with a penitential expression of countenance2 it is quite good enough for me4 ,we think that the clergyman's wife would have acted rashly if1 soon after this occurrence1 she should have tried the patience of her ,job with an antiquated egg4 ,the proverb familiarity breeds contempt suggests another reason why the manners displayed at home are not1 generally speaking1 as good as they should be4 ,there is generally greater harmony when a husband's duties necessitate his remaining several hours of the day from home4 ,for this relief1 much thanks6 will be the not unnatural sentiment of a grateful wife4 ,and to the husband1 on his return1 home will appear far sweeter than if he had idled about the house all day with nothing to do but torment his wife4 ,richter says that distance injures love less than nearness4 ,people are more polite when they do not see too much of each other4 ,madam6 no gentleman is entitled to such distinguished consideration as your husband4 ,sir6 no lady is entitled to such deferential treatment as your wife4 ,awkward consequences that could not have been foreseen have sometimes followed domestic rudeness4 ,it is related of ,lord ,ellenborough that1 when on one occasion he was about to set out on circuit1 his wife expressed a wish to accompany him2 a proposition to which his lordship assented1 provided there were no bandboxes tucked under the seat of his carriage1 as he had too often found there had been when honoured with her ladyship's company before4 ,accordingly they both set out together1 but had not proceeded very far before the judge1 stretching out his legs under the seat in front of him1 kicked against one of the flimsy receptacles which he had specially prohibited4 ,down went the window with a bang and out went the bandbox into the ditch4 ,the startled coachman immediately commenced to pull up1 but was ordered to drive on and let the thing lie where it was4 ,they reached the assize town in due course1 and his lordship proceeded to robe for the court4 ,and now1 where's my wig8--where's my wig8 he demanded1 when everything else had been donned4 ,your wig1 my lord1 replied the servant1 tremulously1 was in that bandbox your lordship threw out of the window as we came along4 ,sir ,robert ,walpole used to say that he never despaired of making up a quarrel between women unless one of them had called the other old or ugly4 ,in the same way married people need not despair of realizing truly united and therefore happy lives if they will only study each other's weak points1 as skaters look out for the weak parts of the ice1 in order to keep off them4 ,nothing is more unmanly as well as unmannerly than for a husband to speak disparagingly of either his wife or of the marriage state before strangers4 ,lord ,erskine once declared at a large party that a wife was a tin canister tied to one's tail2 upon which ,sheridan1 who was present when the remark was made1 presented to ,lady ,erskine the following lines3 ,lord ,erskine1 at woman presuming to rail1 ,calls a wife a tin canister tied to one's tail2 ,and fair ,lady ,anne1 while the subject he carries on1 ,seems hurt at his lordship's degrading comparison4 ,but wherefore degrading8 ,considered aright1 ,a canister's polished and useful and bright2 ,and should dirt its original purity hide1 ,that's the fault of the puppy to whom it is tied4 ,the puppy only got what he deserved4 ,when a husband happens to be a mere goose1 happy if only a goose1 though he may keep up the delusion that he is the head of the family1 it becomes the wife's duty to exercise real control4 ,but she may be a responsible ,prime ,minister without usurping1 much less parading1 the insignia of ,royalty4 ,and if she have the feelings of a gentlewoman she will not allow every one to see the reins of government in her hand as did a colonel's wife known to me1 of whom even the privates and drummer boys in her husband's 787 regiment used to say3 ,mrs4 ----1 she's the colonel4 ,what ,burke said of his wife's eyes describe woman's proper place in the domestic ,cabinet3 ,her eyes have a mild light1 but they awe when she pleases2 they command1 like a good man out of office1 not by authority1 but by virtue4 ,too often it is the poor wife who has to bear the heaviest part of the burdens of domestic life while the unchivalrous husband struts before as head of the house quite unencumbered4 ,even the youngest child may claim to be treated with politeness4 ,i feel1 said ,president ,garfield1 a profounder reverence for a boy than for a man4 ,i never meet a ragged boy in the street without feeling that ,i may owe him a salute1 for ,i know not what possibilities may be buttoned up under his coat4 ,fathers should look upon their children with respect1 for he who is only a child may become a much better and greater man than his father4 ,without spoiling our children we should make their lives as pleasant as we possibly can1 always remembering that the poor things never asked to be born1 and that they may not long remain4 ,the boy dies perhaps at the age of ten or twelve4 ,of what use then all the restraints1 all the privations1 all the pain1 that you have inflicted upon him8 ,he falls1 and leaves your mind to brood over the possibility of your having abridged a life so dear to you4 ,for good and for evil home is a school of manners4 ,children reflect1 as in a mirror1 not only the general habits and characters of their parents1 but even their manner of gesture and of speech4 ,a fig-tree looking on a fig-tree becometh fruitful4 ,if a gentleman always a gentleman and a lady always a lady are the examples set by papa and mamma1 the children will take them in almost through the pores of the skin4 ,for the child1 says ,richter1 the most important era of life is that of childhood1 when he begins to colour and mould himself by companionship with others4 ,every new educator affects less than his predecessor1 until at last1 if we regard all life as an educational institution1 a circumnavigator of the world is less influenced by all the nations he has seen than by his nurse4 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,sunshine4 ,love is sunshine4--,longfellow4 ,god wishes us to have sunlight in our homes4 ,he would have in them a tender play of laughter and humour1 a pleasant interchange of light and colour and warmth1 in word and mirth1 which makes the brightness perfect1 and is as much the work of the sunlight in the house1 as the delightful gaiety of nature is the doing of the sun4--,stopford ,brooke4 ,it is a comparatively easy thing to preserve a cheerful appearance when away from home1 or even to present a brave front to meet the great emergencies of life4 ,and yet the most genial-hearted of diners-out may be a domestic bully in the privacy of his own household2 and the hero who has faced a battery without shrinking may be unable to take a cup of lukewarm coffee from his wife's hands without a grumble4 ,the real happiness of a home depends upon a determination to lay no undue stress upon little matters1 and a resolve to hold one's own irritability in constant check4 ,for it is the sum of trivial affairs that make up the day's account1 and it is the-- ,cares that petty shadows cast1 ,by which our lives are chiefly proved4 ,true home sunshine1 if it consistently brighten the features of one member in a family1 is pretty sure to be reflected from the faces of the rest4 ,i thought1 said a father1 the other day1 as ,i sat in the railway carriage on my way home1 of my impatience with the members of my family1 and ,i felt ashamed4 ,as soon as they are out of my sight ,i see clearly where my mistakes are2 but when they are around me ,i forget my good resolutions4 ,it is quite true that the dear ones at home are more to us than ,kings and ,queens1 than ,house of ,lords or ,house of ,commons1 than the mightiest and noblest in the world4 ,and yet we often treat them worse than we treat strangers4 ,with others1 whom we meet in business or in society1 we are half unconsciously on our guard4 ,hasty words are repressed1 and frowns are banished4 ,but the dear ones at home usually have the pleasure or the pain of seeing us precisely as we are in the mood of the moment4 ,to their sorrow we make no strangers of them4 ,if our nerves are overstrung1 or our tempers tried1 so far from endeavouring to conceal the fact we make them feel it4 ,the hero in great crises may be moved by the pressure of small annoyances to throw a boot at his valet de chambre1 or to snarl at his wife4 ,individually these faults of temper may be small1 but so are the locusts that collectively conceal the sun4 ,only perfection can bear with imperfection4 ,the better a man becomes the more allowance will he make for the shortcomings of others4 ,in order to have sunlight at home1 it is not enough negatively to abstain from fault-finding and general peevishness4 ,we should recognize praise as a positive duty4 ,if a thing is done wrongly1 better sometimes to say nothing about it4 ,wait until it happens to be done rightly1 and then give marked praise4 ,the third time1 the charm of your approbation will produce a much better performance4 ,if it is possible to damn with faint praise1 how much more damaging must be--no praise at all4 ,how much potential goodness and greatness would become actual but for the wet blanket of sullen silence6 ,as we must account for every idle word1 so we must for every idle silence4 ,this saying of ,franklin should suggest speech in season to ungrateful husbands who never throw a word of encouragement to their wives however deserving4 ,in military riding schools may often be heard the command--,make much of your horses6 ,the horses have been trotting1 galloping1 and jumping4 ,they have had to stand quietly while the men dismounted and fired their carbines kneeling before them4 ,they have gone through their parts well1 so after the men have again mounted1 the order is given--,make much of your horses6 and all the riders pat simultaneously the proudly-arched necks of their deserving steeds4 ,husbands1 take the hint and make much of your wives6 ,we may here introduce some words of ,miss ,cobbe in reference to the moral atmosphere of the house1 which depends so immensely on the tone of the mistress4 ,i conceive that good1 and even high animal spirits are among the most blessed of possessions--actual wings to bear us up over the dusty or muddy roads of life2 and ,i think that to keep up the spirits of a household is not only indefinitely to add to its happiness1 but also to make all duties comparatively light and easy4 ,thus1 however naturally depressed a mistress may be1 ,i think she ought to struggle to be cheerful1 and to take pains never to quench the blessed spirits of her children or guests4 ,all of us who live long in great cities get into a sort of subdued-cheerfulness tone4 ,we are neither very sad nor very glad2 we neither cry1 nor ever enjoy that delicious experience of helpless laughter1 the fou rira which is the joy of youth4 ,i wish we could be more really light of heart4 ,we all share this wish2 but how is it to be realized8 ,by living simple1 well-regulated lives1 and by casting all our anxiety upon ,god who careth for us4 ,professor ,blaikie commences a paper on ,how to ,get ,rid of ,trouble1 by saying that once he had occasion to call on the chief of the constabulary force in one of our largest cities4 ,the conversation having turned on the arrangements for extinguishing fire1 the chief constable entered with great alacrity into the subject1 and after some verbal explanations1 added1 ',if you can spare half an hour1 ,i will call out my men1 and you shall see how we proceed4' ,i was taken aback at the idea of the firemen and engines being called out on a fine summer day to let a stranger see them at work2 so ,i thanked him for his offer1 but added that ,i could not think of giving him so much trouble4 ',trouble6' said he2 'what's that8 ,that's a word ,i don't know4' ',you are a happy man1' was the reply1 'if you don't know the meaning of trouble4' ',no1 indeed1' he said4 ',i assure you ,i do not4 ,the word is not in my dictionary4' ,as ,i was still incredulous1 and wondering whether or not he had lost his senses1 he rang the bell1 and bade his clerk fetch him an ,english dictionary4 ,handing it to me1 he said1 ',now1 sir1 please look and see whether you can find the word trouble4' ,i turned to the proper place1 and there1 to be sure1 where the word had been1 ,i found it carefully erased by three lines of red ink4 ,of course ,i caught the idea at once4 ,in a great work like that of the police in such a place1 trouble was never to be thought of4 ,no inroad that might be required on the ease1 or the sleep1 or the strength of any member of the force was ever to be grudged on the score that it was too much trouble4 ,in the work of that office the thought of trouble was to be unknown4 ,i felt that ,i had got a sermon from the chief of police1 and a notable sermon1 too4 ,the three lines of red ink were as clear and telling as any three heads into which ,i had ever divided my discourse4 ,it was a thrilling sermon1 too--it set something vibrating within me4 ,this incident refers to trouble in the active sense2 but even trouble in the sense of sorrow and disappointment may be to a large extent effaced from the family circle by certain red lines4 ,here is one of them4 ,do not make the trouble worse than it really is4 ,rather let us resolve to look at the bright side of things4 ,if we had nothing more to think of1 the proverbs that have been coined in the mint of hope ought to encourage us4 ,nothing so bad but it might have been worse2 ',tis always morning somewhere in the world2 ,when things are at the worst they mend2 ,the darkest hour of night is that which precedes the dawn4 ,let us try to form the habit of thinking how much there is to cheer us even when there may be much to depress2 how often1 on former occasions of trouble1 we have been wonderfully helped2 how foolish it is to anticipate evil before it comes4 ,how dismal you look6 said a bucket to his companion1 as they were going to the well4 ,ah6 replied the other1 ,i was reflecting on the uselessness of our being filled1 for let us go away ever so full1 we always come back empty4 ,dear me6 how strange to look at it in that way6 said the other bucket4 ,now ,i enjoy the thought that however empty we come1 we always go away full4 ,only look at it in that light1 and you will be as cheerful as ,i am4 ,another red line which effaces trouble is patience4 ,speaking of the cheerful submission and trust of the ,london poor a well-known clergyman says3 ,come with me2 turn under this low doorway2 climb these narrow creaking stairs2 knock at the door4 ,a pleasant voice bids you enter4 ,you see a woman sixty-four years of age1 her hands folded and contracted1 her whole body crippled and curled together1 as cholera cramped1 and rheumatism fixed it twenty-eight years ago4 ,for sixteen years she has not moved from her bed1 nor looked out of the window2 and has been in constant pain1 while she cannot move a limb4 ,listen--she is thankful4 ,for what8 ,for the use of one thumb2 with a two-pronged fork1 fastened to a stick1 she can turn over the leaves of an old-fashioned ,bible1 when placed within her reach4 ,hear her3 ',i'm content to lie here as long as it shall please ,him1 and to go when ,he shall call me4' ,the third red line we would suggest is--,try to get good out of your troubles4 ,undoubtedly it is to be got1 if the right way be taken to extract it4 ,scarcely any loss is without compensation4 ,how often has the dignity of self-support and self-respect been gained when an external prop has been removed6 ,how often have we been eventually glad that our wishes were not fulfilled6 ,plato tells us that just penalties are the best gifts of the gods1 and ,goethe said he never had an affliction that he did not turn into a poem4 ,the daylight must fade before we can behold the shining worlds around us1 and the rigour of winter must be endured before our hearts can thrill with delight at the approach of ,spring4 ,for the sake of household sunshine we should endeavour to keep in health4 ,lowness of tone1 nervous irritability1 the state of being ill-at-ease--these and many other forms of ill-health may1 as a general rule1 be avoided by those who endeavour to preserve their health as a sacred duty4 ,if most people have but little health1 it is because they transgress the laws of nature1 alternately stimulating and depressing themselves4 ,for our own sake and for the sake of others whom we trouble by irritability1 we are bound to obey these laws--fresh air1 exercise1 moderate work1 conquest of appetite4 ,the deception1 says ,sydney ,smith1 as practised upon human creatures1 is curious and entertaining4 ,my friend sups late2 he eats some strong soup1 then a lobster1 then some tart1 and he dilutes these esculent varieties with wine4 ,the next day ,i call upon him4 ,he is going to sell his house in ,london1 and to retire into the country4 ,he is alarmed for his eldest daughter's health4 ,his expenses are hourly increasing1 and nothing but a timely retreat can save him from ruin4 ,all this is the lobster3 and when over-excited nature has had time to manage this testaceous encumbrance1 the daughter recovers1 the finances are in good order1 and every rural idea effectually excluded from the mind4 ,in the same manner old friendships are destroyed by toasted cheese1 and hard1 salted meat has led to suicide4 ,unpleasant feelings of the body produce correspondent sensations in the mind1 and a great scene of wretchedness is sketched out by a morsel of indigestible and misguided food4 ,of such infinite consequence to happiness is it to study the body6 ,on the other hand1 ,a merry heart doeth good like a medicine4 ,we should laugh and be well1 as enjoined by an old ,english versifier4 ,to cure the mind's wrong bias1 spleen1 ,some recommend the bowling-green2 ,some1 hilly walks2 all1 exercise2 ,fling but a stone1 the giant dies2 ,laugh and be well4 ,monkeys have been ,extreme good doctors for the spleen2 ,and kitten1 if the humour hit1 ,has harlequined away the fit4 ,it is the bounden duty of those who live together to cultivate the sunny side of life4 ,to rejoice with those who rejoice is as much a duty as to weep with those that weep4 ,many have not that great hereditary constitutional joy which springs from a natural genius for happiness1 but all may at least try to add to the stock of the household's cheerfulness4 ,it is about the most useful contribution that any member of a family can make4 ,as1 although in the season of rainstorms and showers1 ,the tree may strike deeper its roots2 ,it needs the warm brightness of sunshiny hours1 ,to ripen the blossoms and fruits4 ,sunlike pleasures never shine in idle homes4 ,if a useful occupation or innocent hobby be not provided for the several members of a family1 they are sure to spend their time in maliciously tormenting each other4 ,those whose only care in life is to avoid care make a great mistake4 ,they forget that even roses have thorns1 and that pleasure is appreciated and enjoyed for its variety and contrast to pain4 ,after all there is but one way of producing sunshine in our homes4 ,we must first let the light into our own souls1 and then like burning glasses we shall give it out to others1 but especially to those of our own household4 ,and whence comes the soul's calm sunshine and joy in right doing but from the ,sun of ,righteousness8 ,if there are many unhappy homes1 many wretched families--more by far than is generally supposed--what is the cure for this8 ,sweet reasonableness as taught by ,jesus ,christ4 ,if we would let ,him into our houses to dwell with us1 and form one of our family circle1 ,he would turn our homes into little ,edens4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,they ,,had ,a ,,few ,,words4 ,something light as air--a look1 ,a word unkind or wrongly taken-- ,oh1 love1 that tempests never shook1 ,a breath1 a touch like this hath shaken1 ,and ruder words will soon rush in ,to spread the breach that words begin4--,moore4 ,married life should be a sweet1 harmonious song1 and1 like one of ,mendelssohn's1 'without words4'--,judy4 ,when the sunshine of domestic bliss has become more or less clouded by quarrels between a husband and wife1 observers very often describe the state of affairs by the euphemism at the head of this chapter4 ,they had a few words--this is the immediate cause of many a domestic catastrophe4 ,a young man was sent to ,socrates to learn oratory4 ,on being introduced to the philosopher he talked so incessantly that ,socrates asked for double fees4 ,why charge me double8 said the young fellow4 ,because1 said ,socrates1 ,i must teach you two sciences2 the one how to hold your tongue1 and the other how to speak4 ,it is impossible for people to be happy in matrimony who will not learn the first of these sciences4 ,we do not know whether ,simonides was or was not a married man1 but we fancy he must have been1 for he used to say that he never regretted holding his tongue1 but very often was sorry for having spoken4 ,seest thou a man that is hasty in his words8 ,there is more hope of a fool than of him4 ,sober second thoughts suggest palliatives and allowances that temper prevents us from noticing4 ,the simple act of self-denial in restraining the expression of unpleasant feelings or harsh thoughts is the foundation stone of a happy home4 ,for nothing draws people so closely together as the constant experience of mutual pleasure1 and nothing so quickly drives them asunder as the frequent endurance of pain caused by one another's presence4 ,one doth not know ,how much an ill word may empoison liking4 ,sometimes the husband blames the wife and the wife the husband when neither of them is at fault4 ,this always reminds us of ,pat's mistake4 ,two ,irishmen walking along the same street1 but coming from opposite directions1 approached1 both smiling and apparently recognizing one another4 ,as they came closer they discovered that it was a mutual mistake4 ,equal to the occasion one of them said1 ,och1 my friend1 ,i see how it is4 ,you thought it was me1 and ,i thought it was you1 and now it's naythur of us4 ,burton tells of a woman who1 hearing one of her gossips complain of her husband's impatience1 told her an excellent remedy for it4 ,she gave her a glass of water1 which1 when he brawled1 she should hold still in her mouth4 ,she did so two or three times with great success1 and at length1 seeing her neighbour1 she thanked her for it1 and asked to know the ingredients4 ,she told her that it was fair water1 and nothing more1 for it was not the water1 but her silence which performed the cure4 ,there are people who are kind in their actions and yet brutal in their speech1 and they forget that it is not every one who can bear1 like ,boswell1 to be told he is a fool4 ,a woman may think she is always right and her husband always wrong1 but it does not make the wheels of domestic life run smoother to say this in plain ,english4 ,a man may have a contempt for his wife's dearest brother1 but to tell the wife or brother so is not conducive to harmony4 ,it has sometimes been remarked that the marriage of a deaf and dumb man to a blind woman would have obvious advantages4 ,each of the parties would acquire an opportunity to practise little pantomimic scenes from which ordinary married folks are debarred4 ,when they quarrelled1 for instance--the wife being unable to see1 while the husband could not hear or speak--she could hurl at him broadside after broadside of steel-pointed invective2 and the poor man could but stand there1 study the motion of her lips1 and fondly imagine she was telling him how sorry she was that anything should come between them4 ,he1 on the other hand1 could sit down1 shake his fists1 and make hideous grimaces1 she all the while thinking he was sitting with his face buried in his hands1 and hot remorseful tears streaming from his eyes4 ,husbands and wives who are not deprived of the use of their faculties might take the hint and resolve not to use them too keenly on certain occasions4 ,in a matrimonial quarrel they need not hear or see everything4 ,if you your lips would keep from slips1 ,five things observe with care3 ,of whom you speak1 to whom you speak ,and how1 and when1 and where4 ,the last word is the most dangerous of infernal machines4 ,husband and wife should no more fight to get it than they would struggle for the possession of a lighted bomb-shell4 ,what is the use of the last word8 ,after getting it a husband might perhaps1 as an ,american newspaper suggests1 advertise to whistle for a wager against a locomotive2 but in every other respect his victory would be useless and painful4 ,it would be a ,cadmean victory in which the victor would suffer as much as the vanquished4 ,a farmer cut down a tree which stood so near the boundary line of his farm that it was doubtful whether it belonged to him or to his neighbour4 ,the neighbour1 however1 claimed the tree1 and prosecuted the man who cut it for damages4 ,the case was sent from court to court4 ,time was wasted and temper lost2 but the case was finally gained by the prosecutor4 ,the last of the transaction was that the man who gained the cause went to the lawyer's office to execute a deed of his whole farm1 which he had been compelled to sell to pay his costs6 ,then1 houseless and homeless1 he thrust his hands into his pockets1 and triumphantly exclaimed1 ,i've beat him6 ,in the same way husband and wife may become bankrupt of heart-wealth by endeavouring to get the last word4 ,men sometimes become fractious from pure monotony4 ,when they are unable to find subjects for profitable conversation there arises a propensity to nag and find fault4 ,in a ,russian story1 the title of which in ,english is ,buried ,alive1 two prisoners are talking in the night1 and one relates3 ,i had got1 somehow or other1 in the way of beating her 7his wife74 ,some days ,i would keep at it from morning till night4 ,i did not know what to do with myself when ,i was not beating her4 ,she used to sit crying1 and ,i could not help feeling sorry for her1 and so ,i beat her4 ,subsequently he murdered her4 ,are there not men above the class of wife-beaters who indulge in fault-finding1 nagging1 and other forms of tongue-castigation8 ,they have got into the habit4 ,they do not know what to do with themselves when not so employed4 ,the tears of their wives only irritate them4 ,of course some wives are quite capable of giving as much as they get4 ,it is said that at a recent fashionable wedding1 after the departure of the happy pair1 a dear little girl1 whose papa and mamma were among the guests1 asked1 with a child's innocent inquisitiveness3 ,why do they throw things at the pretty lady in the carriage8 ,for luck1 dear1 replied one of the bridesmaids4 ,and why1 again asked the child1 doesn't she throw them back8 ,oh1 said the young lady1 that would be rude4 ,no it wouldn't1 persisted the dear little thing to the delight of her doting parents who stood by3 ma does4 ,as the climbing up a sandy way is to the feet of the aged1 so is a wife full of words to a quiet man4 ,she who has a tongue of her own has always more last words to say1 and1 if she ever does close her mouth1 the question suggests itself whether she should not be arrested for carrying concealed weapons4 ,on the tombs of such wives might be inscribed epitaphs like the following1 which is to be found in a churchyard in ,surrey-- ,here lies1 returned to clay1 ,miss ,arabella ,young1 ,who on the first of ,may ,began to hold her tongue4 ,poor ,caudle1 as a rule1 thought discretion the better part of valour1 and sought refuge in the arms of soothing slumber2 but there are some men who do not allow their wives to have it all their own way without at least an occasional protest4 ,do you pretend to have as good a judgment as ,i have8 said an enraged wife to her husband4 ,well1 no1 he replied1 deliberately2 our choice of partners for life shows that my judgment is not to be compared to yours4 ,when they have a few words1 however1 the woman usually has the best of it4 ,see here1 said a fault-finding husband1 we must have things arranged in this house so that we shall know where everything is kept4 ,with all my heart1 sweetly answered his wife1 and let us begin with your late hours1 my love4 ,i should much like to know where they are kept4 ,such matrimonial word-battles may amuse outsiders as the skill of gladiators used to amuse1 but the combatants make themselves very miserable4 ,far better to be incapable of making a repartee if we only use the power to wound the feelings of the one whom we have vowed to love4 ,there is an art of putting things that should be studied by married people4 ,how many quarrels would be avoided if we could always say with courtesy and tact any unpleasant thing that may have to be said6 ,it is related of a good-humoured celebrity that when a man once stood before him and his friend at the theatre1 completely shutting out all view of the stage1 instead of asking him to sit down1 or in any way giving offence1 he simply said1 ,i beg your pardon1 sir2 but when you see or hear anything particularly interesting on the stage1 will you please let us know1 as we are entirely dependent on your kindness8 ,that was sufficient4 ,with a smile and an apology that only the art of putting things could have extracted1 the gentleman took his seat4 ,there is a story of a separation which took place simply because a gracious announcement had been couched by a husband in ungracious terms4 ,my dear1 here is a little present ,i have brought to make you good-tempered4 ,sir1 was the indignant reply1 do you dare to say that it is necessary to bribe me into being good-tempered8 ,why1 ,i am always good-tempered2 it is your violent temper1 sir6 ,and so the quarrel went on to the bitter end4 ,it is a very difficult thing to find fault well4 ,we all have to find fault at times1 in reference to servants1 children1 husband1 or wife2 but in a great number of cases the operation loses half its effect1 or has no effect at all1 perhaps a downright bad effect1 because of the way in which it is done4 ,above all things remember this caution1 never to find fault when out of temper4 ,again1 there is a time not to find fault1 and in the right perception of when that time is lies no small part of the art4 ,the reproof which has most sympathy in it will be most effectual4 ,it understands and allows for infirmity4 ,it was this sympathy that prompted ,dr4 ,arnold to take such pains in studying the characters of his pupils1 so that he might best adapt correction to each particular case4 ,the very worst time for a husband and wife to have a few words is dinner-time1 because1 if we have a good dinner1 our attention should be bestowed on what we are eating4 ,he who bores us at dinner robs us of pleasure and injures our health1 a fact which the alderman realized when he exclaimed to a stupid interrogator1 ,with your confounded questions1 sir1 you've made me swallow a piece of green fat without tasting it4 ,many a poor wife has to swallow her dinner without tasting it because her considerate husband chooses this time to find fault with herself1 the children1 the servants1 and with everything except himself4 ,the beef is too much done1 the vegetables too little1 everything is cold4 ,i think you might look after something6 ,oh6 that is no excuse1 and so on1 to the great disturbance of his own and his wife's digestion4 ,god sends food1 but the devil sends the few cross words that prevent it from doing us any good4 ,we should have at least three laughs during dinner1 and every one is bound to contribute a share of agreeable table-talk1 good-humour1 and cheerfulness4 ,in politics1 said ,cavour1 nothing is so absurd as rancour4 ,in the same way we may say that nothing is so absurd in matrimony as sullen silence4 ,reynolds in his ,life and ,times tells of a free-and-easy actor who passed three festive days at the seat of the ,marquis and ,marchioness of ---- without any invitation1 convinced 7as proved to be the case7 that1 my lord and my lady not being on speaking terms1 each would suppose the other had asked him4 ,a soft answer turns away wrath1 and when a wife or a husband is irritated there is nothing like letting a subject drop4 ,then silence is indeed golden4 ,but the silence persisted in--as by the lady in the old comedy1 who1 in reply to her husband's ,for heaven's sake1 my dear1 do tell me what you mean1 obstinately keeps her lips closed--is an instrument of deadly torture4 ,a wise man by his words maketh himself beloved4 ,to this might be added that on certain occasions a fool by his obstinate silence maketh himself hated4 ,according to ,milton1 ',eve kept silence in ,eden to hear her husband talk1' said a gentleman to a lady friend2 and then added1 in a melancholy tone1 ,alas6 there have been no ,eves since4 ,because1 quickly retorted the lady1 there have been no husbands worth listening to4 ,certainly there are too few men who exert themselves to be as agreeable to their wives 7their best friends71 as they are to the comparative strangers or secret enemies whom they meet at clubs and other places of resort4 ,and yet if it is true that to be agreeable in our family circle is not only a positive duty but an absolute morality1 then every husband and wife should say on their wedding day-- ,to balls and routs for fame let others roam1 ,be mine the happier lot to please at home4 ,in one of the letters of ,robertson1 of ,brighton1 he tells of a lady who related to him the delight1 the tears of gratitude which she had witnessed in a poor girl to whom1 in passing1 ,i gave a kind look on going out of church on ,sunday4 ,what a lesson6 ,how cheaply happiness can be given6 ,what opportunities we miss of doing an angel's work6 ,i remember doing it1 full of sad feelings1 passing on1 and thinking no more about it2 and it gave an hour's sunshine to a human life1 and lightened the load of life to a human heart for a time6 ,if even a look can do so much1 who shall estimate the power of kind or unkind words in making married life happy or miserable8 ,in the home circle more than anywhere else-- ,words are mighty1 words are living3 ,serpents with their venomous stings1 ,or bright angels1 crowding round us1 ,with heaven's light upon their wings3 ,every word has its own spirit1 ,true or false that never dies2 ,every word man's lips have uttered ,echoes in ,god's skies4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,pulling ,,together4 ,when souls1 that should agree to will the same1 ,to have one common object for their wishes1 ,look different ways1 regardless of each other1 ,think what a train of wretchedness ensues6 ,said a husband to his angry wife3 ,look at ,carlo and ,kitty asleep on the rug2 ,i wish men lived half as agreeably with their wives4 ,stop6 said the lady4 ,tie them together1 and see how they will agree6 ,if men and women when tied together sometimes agree very badly what is the reason8 ,because instead of pulling together each of them wishes to have his or her own way4 ,but when they do pull together what greater thing is there for them than to feel that they are joined for life1 to strengthen each other in all labour1 to rest on each other in all sorrow1 to minister to each other in all pain1 to be one with each other in the silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting8 ,what is meant by pulling together may be explained by referring to the custom of the ,dunmow flitch1 which was founded by ,juga1 a noble lady1 in ,a4,d4 ,,iiii1 and restored by ,robert de ,fitzwalter1 in #abdd4 ,it was that any person from any part of ,england going to ,dunmow in ,essex1 and humbly kneeling on two stones at the church door1 may claim a gammon of bacon if he can swear that for twelve months and a day he has never had a household brawl or wished himself unmarried4 ,hence the phrase ,he may fetch a flitch of bacon from ,dunmow1 i4e41 ,he is so amiable and good-tempered that he will never quarrel with his wife4 ,to eat ,dunmow bacon is to live in conjugal amity4 ,there were only eight claimants admitted to eat the flitch between the years #abdd-aggb1 a number that seems to justify ,prior's sarcastic couplet3 ,ah1 madam1 cease to be mistaken1 ,few married fowl peck ,dunmow bacon4 ,it is a great pity that few married fowl peck ,dunmow bacon1 for those that do are so happy that they may be called birds of ,paradise4 ,a well-matched couple carry a joyful life between them1 as the two spies carried the cluster of ,eshcol4 ,they multiply their joys by sharing them1 and lessen their troubles by dividing them3 this is fine arithmetic4 ,the waggon of care rolls lightly along as they pull together1 and when it drags a little heavily1 or there's a hitch anywhere1 they love each other all the more1 and so lighten the labour4 ,when there is wisdom in the husband there is generally gentleness in the wife1 and between them the old wedding wish is worked out3 ,one year of joy1 another of comfort1 and all the rest of content4 ,when two persons without any spiritual affinity are bound together in irrevocable bondage1 it is to their unspeakable weariness and despair1 and life becomes to them a drooping and disconsolate household captivity1 without refuge or redemption4 ,such unions are marriages only in name4 ,they are a mere housing together4 ,however1 this doctrine may easily be exaggerated1 and certainly married people ought to be very slow in allowing themselves to think that it is impossible for them to hit it off or pull with the partners of their lives4 ,those who cherish unhealthy sentimentalism on this subject would do well to brace themselves up by reading a little of the robust common sense of ,dr4 ,johnson4 ,talking one evening of ,mrs4 ,careless1 the doctor said3 ,if ,i had married her1 it might have been as happy for me4 ,boswell3 ,pray1 sir1 do you not suppose that there are fifty women in the world1 with any one of whom a man may be as happy as with any one woman in particular8 ,johnson3 ,ay1 sir1 fifty thousand4 ,boswell3 ,then1 sir1 you are not of opinion with some who imagine that certain men and certain women are made for each other2 and that they cannot be happy if they miss their counterparts4 ,johnson3 ,to be sure not1 sir4 ,i believe marriages would in general be as happy1 and often more so1 if they were all made by the ,lord ,chancellor1 upon a due consideration of the characters and circumstances1 without the parties having any choice in the matter4 ,the following1 too1 is interesting1 for we may gather from it how1 in ,johnson's opinion1 the feat of living happily with any one of fifty thousand women could be accomplished4 ,the question was started one evening whether people who differed on some essential point could live in friendship together4 ,johnson said they might4 ,goldsmith said they could not1 as they had not the idem velle atque idem nolle--the same likings and the same aversions4 ,johnson3 ,why1 sir1 you must shun the subject as to which you disagree4 ,for instance1 ,i can live very well with ,burke2 ,i love his knowledge1 his genius1 his diffusion1 and affluence of conversation2 but ,i would not talk to him of the ,rockingham party4 ,goldsmith3 ,but1 sir1 when people live together who have something as to which they disagree1 and which they want to shun1 they will be in the situation mentioned in the story of ,bluebeard1 ',you may look into all the chambers but one4' ,but we should have the greatest inclination to look into that chamber1 to talk over that subject4 ,johnson 7with a loud voice73 ,sir1 ,i am not saying that you could live in friendship with a man from whom you differ as to some point3 ,i am only saying that ,i could do it4 ,in matrimony1 as in religion1 in things essential there should be unity1 in things indifferent diversity1 in all things charity4 ,in matrimony1 though it is the closest and dearest friendship1 shades of character and the various qualities of mind and heart1 never approximate to such a degree1 as to preclude all possibility of misunderstanding4 ,but the broad and firm principles upon which all honourable and enduring sympathy is founded1 the love of truth1 the reverence for right1 the abhorrence of all that is base and unworthy1 admit of no difference or misunderstanding2 and where these exist in the relations of two people united for life1 love1 and happiness1 as perfect as this imperfect existence affords1 may be realized4 ,but the rule is different in matters that are not essential4 ,in reference to these married people should cultivate the sympathy of difference4 ,they should agree to differ each respecting the tastes and prejudices of the other4 ,at no time are husbands and wives seen to greater advantage than when yielding their own will in unimportant matters to the will of another1 and we quite agree with a writer who makes the following remark3 ,great actions are so often performed from little motives of vanity1 self-complacency1 and the like1 that ,i am apt to think more highly of the person whom ,i observe checking a reply to a petulant speech1 or even submitting to the judgment of another in stirring the fire1 than of one who gives away thousands6 ,in all things there should be charity4 ,dolly ,winthrop in ,silas ,marner was patiently tolerant of her husband1 considering that men would be so1 and viewing the stronger sex in the light of animals whom it pleased ,heaven to make troublesome like bulls or turkey cocks4 ,this sensible woman knew that if at times her husband was troublesome he had his good qualities4 ,on these she would accustom herself to dwell4 ,a ,scotch minister1 being one day engaged in visiting his flock1 came to the door of a house where his gentle tapping could not be heard for the noise of contention within4 ,after waiting a little he opened the door and walked in1 saying1 with an authoritative voice3 ,i should like to know who is the head of this house8 ,weel1 sir1 said the husband and father1 if ye sit doon a wee1 we'll maybe be able to tell ye1 for we're just tryin' to settle the point4 ,merely to settle this point some married people are continually engaging in a tug of war instead of pulling comfortably together4 ,but what a mean contest6 ,how much better it would be only to strive who should love the other most6 ,to married people especially are these words of ,marcus ,aurelius applicable3 ,we are made for co-operation1 like feet1 like hands1 like eyelids1 like the rows of the upper and lower teeth4 ,to act against one another1 then1 is contrary to nature4 ,that union is strength is forcibly1 if not very elegantly1 illustrated by ,erskine's description of a lodging where he had passed the night4 ,he said that the fleas were so numerous and so ferocious that if they had been but unanimous they would have pulled him out of bed4 ,if husband and wife would be but unanimous they would be a match against every enemy to their felicity4 ,on the other hand1 how impossible it is for those who work against each other to live together with any advantage or comfort4 ,we all remember the illustration of ,a,esop4 ,a charcoal-burner carried on his trade in his own house4 ,one day he met a friend1 a fuller1 and entreated him to come and live with him1 saying that they should be far better neighbours1 and that their housekeeping expenses would be lessened4 ,the fuller replied1 ,the arrangement is impossible as far as ,i am concerned1 for whatever ,i should whiten1 you would immediately blacken again with your charcoal4 ,one secret of pulling together is not to interfere with what does not concern us4 ,a man who can trust his wife should no more meddle with her home concerns than she should pester him with questions about his business4 ,he will never be able to pull with her if he pokes over the weekly bills1 insists on knowing how much each thing is per pound1 and what he is going to have every day for dinner4 ,it is indeed almost a sine qua non of domestic felicity that paterfamilias should be absent from home at least six hours in the day4 ,jones asked his wife1 ,why is a husband like dough8 ,he expected she would give it up1 and he was going to tell her that it was because a woman needs him2 but she said it was because he was hard to get off her hands4 ,of course1 like every other good rule1 this one of non-intervention may be carried too far1 as it was by the studious man who said1 when a servant told him that his house was on fire1 ,go to your mistress1 you know ,i have no charge of household matters4 ,no doubt occasions will arise when a husband will be only too glad to take counsel with his wife in business cares2 while she may have to remember all her life long1 with gratitude and love1 some season of sickness or affliction1 when he filled his own place and hers too1 ashamed of no womanish task1 and neither irritated nor humiliated by ever such trivial household cares4 ,parents and children seldom act in concert1 each child endeavours to appropriate the esteem or fondness of the parents1 and the parents1 with yet less temptation1 betray each other to their children2 thus some place their confidence in the father1 and some in the mother1 and by degrees the house is filled with artifices and feuds4 ,these words point to a danger to be guarded against by married people who desire to pull together4 ,it is sad when a child is not loved equally by both its parents4 ,in this case1 however innocent and blessed the little one may be1 it is liable to become the disturber of parental peace4 ,perhaps the way ,carlyle and his wife pulled together is not so very uncommon4 ,his mother used to say of him that he was gey ill to live with1 and ,miss ,welsh whom he married had a fiery temper4 ,when provoked she was as hard as a flint1 with possibilities of dangerous sparks of fire4 ,the pair seem to have tormented each other1 but not half as much as each tormented him and herself4 ,they were too like each other1 suffering in the same way from nerves disordered1 digestion impaired1 excessive self-consciousness1 and the absence of children to take their thoughts away from each other4 ,they were1 in the fullest sense of the word1 everything to each other--both for good and evil1 sole comforters1 chief tormentors4 ,the proverb ,ill to hae but waur to want was true of the ,carlyles as of many another couple4 ,sir ,david ,baird and some other ,english officers1 being captured by ,tippo ,saib1 were confined for some time in one of the dungeons of his palace at ,bangalore4 ,when ,sir ,david's mother heard the news in ,scotland1 referring to the method in which prisoners were chained together and to her son's well-known irascible temper1 she exclaimed3 ,god pity the lad that's tied to our ,davie4 ,how much more to be pitied is he or she whom matrimony has tied for life to a person with a bad temper6 ,over-particularity in trifles causes a great deal of domestic discomfort4 ,the husband or wife who1 to use a common phrase1 wishes a thing to be just so1 and not otherwise1 is uncomfortable to pull with4 ,for any person to be thoroughly amiable and livable with1 there should be a little touch of untidiness and unpreciseness1 and indifference to small things4 ,a little spice--not too much--of the ,irishman's spirit who said1 ,if you can't take things asy1 take them as asy as you can4 ,there is no more beautiful quality than that ideality which conceives and longs after perfection2 but if too exclusively cultivated it may drag down rather than elevate its possessor4 ,the faculty which is ever conceiving and desiring something better and more perfect must be modified in its action by good sense1 patience1 and conscience1 otherwise it induces a morbid1 discontented spirit1 which courses through the veins of individual and family life like a subtle poison4 ,exactingsness is untrained ideality1 and much domestic misery is caused by it4 ,a little bit of conscience makes the exacting person sour4 ,he fusses1 fumes1 finds fault1 and scolds because everything is not perfect in an imperfect world4 ,much more happy and good is he whose conceptions and desire of excellence are equally strong1 but in whom there is a greater amount of discriminating common-sense4 ,most people can see what is faulty in themselves and their surroundings2 but while the dreamer frets and wears himself out over the unattainable1 the happy1 practical man is satisfied with what can be attained4 ,there was much wisdom in the answer given by the principal of a large public institution when complimented on his habitual cheerfulness amid a diversity of cares3 ,i've made up my mind1 he said1 to be satisfied when things are done half as well as ,i would have them4 ,ideality often becomes an insidious mental and moral disease1 acting all the more subtlely from its alliance with what is noblest in us4 ,the virtue of conscientiousness may turn into the vice of censoriousness if misapplied4 ,it was the constant prayer of the great and good ,bishop ,butler that he might be saved from what he called scrupulosity4 ,dr4 ,johnson used to admire this wise sentence in ,thomas a ,kempis3 ,be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be1 since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be4 ,searching for domestic happiness would not be as unsuccessful as it is with some people if they were not continually finding fault4 ,jeremy ,taylor impresses this fact by one of his quaint illustrations3 ,the stags in the ,greek epigram1 whose knees were clogged with frozen snow upon the mountains1 came down to the brooks of the valleys1 hoping to thaw their joints with the waters of the stream2 but there the frost overtook them1 and bound them fast in ice1 till the young herdsmen took them in their stranger snare4 ,it is the unhappy chance of many men finding many inconveniences upon the mountains of single life1 they descend into the valleys of marriage to refresh their troubles1 and there they enter into fetters1 and are bound to sorrow by the cords of a man's or woman's peevishness4 ,the ,psalmist says that ,god maketh men to be of one mind in a house4 ,let husband and wife live near ,him1 and ,he will enable them to avoid domestic strife which ,cowper declares to be the sorest ill of human life4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,nets ,,and ,,cages4 ,i think for a woman to fail to make and keep a happy home1 is to be a 'failure' in a truer sense than to have failed to catch a husband4--,frances ,power ,cobbe4 ,we think caged birds sing1 when indeed they cry4--,vittoria ,corombona4 ,when ,mr4 ,wilberforce was a candidate for ,hull1 his sister1 an amiable and witty young lady1 offered a new dress to each of the wives of those freemen who voted for her brother4 ,when saluted with ,miss ,wilberforce for ever6 she pleasantly observed1 ,i thank you1 gentlemen1 but ,i cannot agree with you1 for really ,i do not wish to be ,miss ,wilberforce for ever4 ,we do not blame ,miss ,wilberforce or any other young lady for not wishing to be a ,miss for ever2 but we desire to point out in this chapter that all is not done when the husband is gained4 ,even in the happiest choice whom fav'ring ,heaven ,has equal love and easy fortune given2 ,think not1 the husband gained1 that all is done1 ,the prize of happiness must still be won2 ,and oft the careless find it to their cost2 ,the lover in the husband may be lost2 ,the graces might alone his heart allure2 ,they and the virtues meeting must secure4 ,according to ,dean ,swift1 the reason why so few marriages are happy is because young women spend their time in making nets1 not in making cages4 ,certainly a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush1 and girls are quite justified in trying in all ways1 consistent with modesty and self-respect1 to net husbands4 ,still1 she is the really fine woman who can not merely net the affections of a husband during the honeymoon1 but who can cage and keep them throughout a long married life4 ,only the other day1 a man told me that after forty years of married life1 he loved his wife almost better than the day they were married4 ,we are not told that ,alexander the ,great1 after conquering the world1 kept his conquest very long1 but this wife kept her conquest forty years4 ,woman in her time has been called upon to endure a great deal of definition4 ,she had been described as1 ,a good idea--spoiled6 ,this may be true of one who can only make nets1 but it certainly is not true of a cage-maker4 ,always do-- ,her air1 her smile1 her motions1 tell ,of womanly completeness2 ,a music as of household songs ,is in her voice of sweetness4 ,flowers spring to blossom where she walks ,the careful ways of duty2 ,the hard stiff lines of life with her ,are flowing curves of beauty4 ,men are often as easily caught as birds1 but as difficult to keep4 ,if the wife cannot make her home bright and happy1 so that it shall be the cleanest1 sweetest1 cheerfullest place that her husband can find refuge in--a retreat from the toils and troubles of the outer world--then ,god help the poor man1 for he is virtually homeless6 ,in the home more than anywhere else order is ,heaven's first law4 ,it is the duty of a wife to sweetly order her cage so that it may be clean1 neat1 and free from muddle4 ,method is the oil that makes the wheels of the domestic machine run easily4 ,the mistress of a home who desires order1 and the tranquillity that comes of order1 must insist on the application of method to every branch and department of the household work4 ,she must rise and breakfast early and give her orders early4 ,doing much before twelve o'clock gives her a command of the day4 ,a friend of ,robert ,hall1 the famous preacher1 once asked him regarding a lady of their acquaintance1 ,will she make a good wife for me8 ,well1 replied ,hall1 ,i can hardly say--,i never lived with her6 ,this is the real test of happiness in married life4 ,it is one thing to see ladies on dress occasions and when every effort is being made to please them2 it is quite another thing to see them amidst the varied and often conflicting circumstances of household life4 ,men may talk in raptures of youth and beauty1 wit and sprightliness2 but after seven years of union1 not one of them is to be compared to good family management which is seen at every meal1 and felt every hour in the husband's purse4 ,in the ,records of ,later ,life1 ,fanny ,kemble 7,mrs4 ,butler71 shortly after she had begun housekeeping with a staff of six servants1 writes from ,america to a friend1 ,i have been reproaching myself1 and reproving others1 and heartily regretting that instead of ,italian and music1 ,i had not learned a little domestic economy1 and how much bread1 butter1 flour1 eggs1 milk1 sugar1 and meat ought to be consumed per week by a family of eight persons4 ,there is no reason why she should not have learned all this1 and ,italian and music as well4 ,gradually it has come to be seen that practical cookery1 which might be classed under the head of chemistry1 is an excellent intellectual training1 as it teaches the application in daily life of knowledge derived from a variety of branches of study4 ,from this point of view even sweet girl-graduates may take pride in being good cooks1 while as regards women of the working classes hardly anything drives their husbands to drink so much as bad cookery and irregular meals4 ,leigh ,hunt used to say that the most fascinating women are those that can most enrich the every-day moments of existence4 ,if we are to believe ,mrs4 ,carlyle1 who lived next door to the ,hunts at ,chelsea1 ,mrs4 ,hunt did not do much in the way of domestic economy to enrich the every-day moments of existence4 ,i told ,mrs4 ,hunt1 one day1 ,i had been very busy painting4 ,what8 she asked1 is it a portrait8 ,oh6 no1 ,i told her2 something of more importance--a large wardrobe4 ,she could not imagine1 she said1 how ,i could have patience for such things4 ,and so1 having no patience for them herself1 what is the result8 ,she is every other day reduced to borrow my tumblers1 my tea-cups2 even a cupful of porridge1 a few spoonfuls of tea1 are begged of me1 because ,missus has got company1 and happens to be out of the article2' in plain anadorned ,english1 because 'missus' is the most wretched of managers1 and is often at the point of having not a copper in her purse4 ,to see how they live and waste here1 it is a wonder the whole city does not 'bankrape1 and go out o' sicht'2--flinging platefuls of what they are pleased to denominate 'crusts' 7that is1 what ,i consider all the best of the bread7 into the ashpits4' ,i often say1 with honest self-congratulation1 ',in ,scotland we have no such thing as crusts4' ,on the whole1 though the ,english ladies seem to have their wits more at their finger-ends1 and have a great advantage over me in that respect1 ,i never cease to be glad that ,i was born on the other side of the ,tweed1 and that those who are nearest and dearest to me are ,scotch4444 ,mrs4 ,hunt ,i shall soon be quite terminated with1 ,i foresee4 ,she torments my life out with borrowing4 ,she actually borrowed one of the brass fenders the other day1 and ,i had difficulty in getting it out of her hands2 irons1 glasses1 tea-cups1 silver spoons are in constant requisition2 and when one sends for them the whole number can never be found4 ,is it not a shame to manage so1 with eight guineas a week to keep house on6 ,it makes me very indignant to see all the waste that goes on around me1 when ,i am needing so much care and calculation to make ends meet4 ,when ,carlyle was working hard to support himself and his wife by literature at the lonely farmhouse which was their home1 ,mrs4 ,carlyle did all she could to mitigate by good cookery the miseries which dyspepsia inflicted upon him4 ,she thus writes of her culinary trials3 ,the bread1 above all1 brought from ,dumfries1 'soured on his stomach' 7,oh ,heaven671 and it was plainly my duty as a ,christian wife to bake at home2 so ,i sent for ,cobbett's ',cottage ,economy1' and fell to work at a loaf of bread4 ,but knowing nothing about the process of fermentation or the heat of ovens1 it came to pass that my loaf got put into the oven at the time that myself ought to have been put into bed2 and ,i remained the only person not asleep in a house in the middle of a desert4 ,one o'clock struck1 and then two1 and then three2 and still ,i was sitting there in an immense solitude1 my whole body aching with weariness1 my heart aching with a sense of forlornness and degradation4 ,that ,i1 who had been so petted at home1 whose comfort had been studied by everybody in the house1 who had never been required to do anything but cultivate my mind1 should have to pass all those hours of the night in watching a loaf of bread--which mightn't turn out bread after all6 ,such thoughts maddened me1 till ,i laid down my head on the table and sobbed aloud4 ,it was then that somehow the idea of ,benvenuto ,cellini sitting up all night watching his ,perseus in the furnace came into my head1 and suddenly ,i asked myself3 ',after all1 in the sight of the ,upper ,powers1 what is the mighty difference between a statue of ,perseus and a loaf of bread1 so that each be the thing one's hand has found to do8 ,the man's determined will1 his energy1 his patience1 his resource1 were the really admirable things of which his statue of ,perseus was the mere chance expression4 ,if he had been a woman living at ,craigenputtoch1 with a dyspeptic husband1 sixteen miles from a baker1 and he a bad one1 all these same qualities would have come out more fitly in a good loaf of bread4' ,i cannot express what consolation this germ of an idea spread over my uncongenial life during the years we lived at that savage place1 where my two immediate predecessors had gone mad1 and the third had taken to drink4 ,though the life of that tragic muse ,mrs4 ,siddons was girded about with observance and worship from the highest in the land1 though her mind and imagination were always employed in realizing the most glorious creations of the most glorious poets1 ,mrs4 ,siddons in her home was at once the simplest and the tenderest of women4 ,she did a great deal of the household work herself1 and her grand friends1 when they called1 would be met by her with a flat-iron in her hand1 or would find her seated studying a new part1 while1 at the same time1 she rocked the cradle of her latest born1 and knitted her husband's stockings4 ,when she went to the theatre she was generally accompanied by one or more of her children1 and the little things would cling about her1 holding her hand or her dress1 as she stood in the side scenes4 ,the fine ladies who petted her could not put one grain of their fine-ladyism into her4 ,to the end of her life she remained a proof of the not-generally-believed fact that an artist can be1 at the same time1 a most purely domestic woman4 ,the same too may be said of a mathematician1 for the greatest woman-mathematician of any age1 ,mary ,somerville1 was renowned for her good housekeeping4 ,an ,american newspaper lately addressed the following wise words to young women3 ,learn to keep house4 ,if you would be a level-headed woman2 if you would have right instincts and profound views1 and that most subtle1 graceful1 and irresistible of all things1 womanly charm2 if you would make your pen1 your music1 your accomplishments tell1 and would give them body1 character1 and life2 if you would be a woman of genuine power1 and queen o'er all the earth1 learn to keep house thoroughly and practically4 ,you see the world all awry1 and are consumed with a desire to set it right4 ,must you go on a mission to the heathen8 ,very well1 but learn to keep house first4 ,begin reform1 where all true reform must begin1 at the centre and work outwards2 at the foundation and work upwards4 ,what is the basis and centre of all earthly life8 ,it is the family1 the home2 these relations dictate and control all others4 ,there is nothing from which this distracted world is suffering so much to-day1 as for want of thorough housekeeping and homemaking4 ,but a cage-making wife is much more than a good cook and housekeeper4 ,indeed it is possible for a wife to be too careful and cumbered about these things4 ,when such is the case she becomes miserable and grumbles at a little dust or disorder which the ordinary mortal does not see1 just as a fine musician is pained and made miserable at a slight discord that is not noticed by less-trained ears4 ,probably her husband wishes his house were less perfectly kept1 but more peaceful4 ,a woman should know when to change her role of housewife for that of the loving friend and companion of her husband4 ,she should be able and willing to intelligently discuss with him the particular political or social problem that is to him of vital interest4 ,we will all agree with ,dr4 ,johnson that a man of sense and education should seek a suitable companion in a wife4 ,it was1 he said1 a miserable thing when the conversation could only be such as1 whether the mutton should be boiled or roast1 and probably a dispute about that4 ,a good and loyal wife takes upon her a share of everything that concerns and interests her husband4 ,whatever may be his work or even recreation1 she endeavours to learn enough about it to be able to listen to him with interest if he speaks to her of it1 and to give him a sensible opinion if he asks for it4 ,in every matter she is helpful4 ,women's lives are often very dull2 but it would help to make them otherwise if wives would sometimes think over1 during the hours when parted from their husbands1 a few little winning ways as surprises for them on their return1 either in the way of conversation1 or of some small change of dress1 or any way their ingenuity would have suggested in courting days4 ,how little the lives of men and women would be dull1 if they thought of and acted towards each other after marriage as they did before it6 ,certainly1 it does a wife good to go out of her cage occasionally for amusement1 although her deepest1 truest happiness may be found at home4 ,she1 quite as much as her husband1 requires change and recreation1 but while this is true she must never forget that a life of pleasure is a life of pain1 and that if much of her time is spent in visiting and company1 anarchy and confusion at home must be the consequence4 ,never seek for amusement1 says ,mr4 ,ruskin1 but be always ready to be amused4 ,the least thing has play in it--the slightest word wit1 when your hands are busy and your heart is free4 ,but if you make the aim of your life amusement1 the day will come when all the agonies of a pantomime will not bring you an honest laugh4 ,nothing renders a woman so agreeable to her husband as good humour4 ,it possesses the powers ascribed to magic and imparts beauty to the plainest features4 ,on the other hand1 the bright1 sparkling girl1 who turns1 after marriage1 in her hours of privacy with her husband1 into the dull1 silent1 or grumbling wife has no one to thank but herself if he is often absent from his home4 ,men hate nagging1 and1 indeed1 husband-nagging is almost as cruel as wife-beating4 ,there are women whose perpetual contentiousness is a moral reproduction of an ,oriental torture1 that drops water on you every ten seconds4 ,the butler of a certain ,scottish laird1 who had been in the family a number of years1 at last resigned his situation because his lordship's wife was always scolding him4 ,oh6 exclaimed his master1 if that be all1 ye've very little to complain of4 ,perhaps so1 replied the butler2 but ,i have decided in my own mind to put up with it no longer4 ,go1 then1 said his lordship2 and be thankful for the rest of your life that ye're not married to her4 ,the methods which women adopt in managing husbands vary with the characters of the individuals to be guided4 ,in illustration of this here is a short story4 ,two women1 ,mrs4 ,a4 and ,mrs4 ,b41 were talking together one day with some friends over a cup of tea1 when the subject of the management of husbands came up4 ,each of these two wives boasted that she could make her husband do exactly what she liked4 ,a spinster who was present1 ,miss ,c1 denied the truth of this statement1 and this led to high words1 in the course of which it was agreed that each wife should prove her power by making her husband drive her on a particular afternoon in a hired carriage to an appointed place1 which we will call ,edmonton4 ,the test was considered a good one1 because the two husbands were individuals inclined to economy1 who in the ordinary course of events would never think of hiring a carriage or driving anywhere1 excepting in a 'bus to the ,city4 ,mrs4 ,a4 was a strong-minded1 determined woman1 and ,mr4 ,a4 was meek and gentle2 no one doubted1 therefore1 that ,mrs4 ,a4 could get what she wanted4 ,but ,mr4 ,b4 was an argumentative1 contradictory1 wilful1 and pugnacious individual1 while ,mrs4 ,b4 was sweet and good4 ,it was expected that ,mrs4 ,b4 would have to own herself defeated4 ,however1 the day arrived and the hour1 the unbelieving spinster repaired to the spot1 and up drove the two husbands with their wives sitting in state by their sides4 ,how did you manage it8 said ,miss ,c4 ,oh1 said ,mrs4 ,a41 ,i simply said to my husband1 ',mr4 ,a41 ,i wish you to hire a carriage and drive me to ,edmonton4' ,he said1 ',very well1 my dear1 but ,i----1' and here ,i am4 ,and how did you manage it1 ,mrs4 ,b48 ,mrs4 ,b4 was unwilling to confess1 but at length she was induced to do so4 ,i said to my husband1 ',i think ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,a4 are very extravagant3 they are going to hire a carriage and pair to-morrow and drive to ,edmonton4' ',why should they not do so if they like it8' said ,mr4 ,b4 ',oh1 no reason at all1 my dear1 if you think it right1 and if they can afford it2 but we could not do anything of that kind1 of course4 ,besides1 ,i fancy ,mr4 ,a4 is more accustomed to driving than you are4' ',a4 is not at all more accustomed to it than ,i am1' said ,mr4 ,b41 'and ,i can afford it quite as well as he4 ,indeed1 ,i will prove that ,i can and will1 for ,i will hire a carriage and drive there at the same time4' ',very well1 my dear1 if you think so2 but ,i should not like to go with you1 ,i should feel so ashamed4' ',then ,i wish you to go with me1 ,mrs4 ,b42 ,i insist upon your accompanying me4' ,so1 said quiet little ,mrs4 ,b41 that is the way ,i manage ,mr4 ,b4 ,neither of these women is to be congratulated on her method of management4 ,each despised her husband1 and what sort of basis is scorn for happiness in married life8 ,if a man's own wife does not believe in him1 and look up to him1 and admire him1 and like him better than anyone else1 poor man1 who else will8 ,if he is not king at home1 where is he king8 ,once upon a time1 according to an old heathen legend1 the gods and goddesses were assembled together1 and were talking over matters celestial1 when one of the company1 who was of an inquiring mind1 said1 ,what are the people who live on the earth like8 ,no one knew4 ,one or two guesses were made1 but every one knew that they were only guesses4 ,at last an enterprising little goddess suggested that a special messenger should be sent to visit the earth1 to make inquiries1 and to bring back information concerning the inhabitants thereof4 ,off the messenger went4 ,on his return1 the gods and goddesses once more assembled1 and every one was very anxious to hear the result of this mission4 ,well1 said ,jove1 who constituted himself speaker on the occasion1 what have you learnt8 ,what are the people of the earth like8 ,they are very curious people1 said the traveller4 ,they have no character of their own1 but they become what others think them4 ,if you think them cruel1 they act cruelly2 if you think them true1 they may be relied on2 if you think them false1 they lie and steal2 if you believe them to be kind1 they are amiability itself4 ,may not the secret of how to manage a husband be found in this small fable8 ,a woman has power over her husband 7that is1 legitimate and reasonable power1 not power to make him hire a carriage1 but power to make him kind1 true1 and persevering7 in proportion to her belief in him4 ,she is never so helpless with regard to him as when she has lost faith in him herself4 ,milton tells us that a good wife is heaven's last1 best gift to man2 but what constitutes a good wife8 ,purity of thought and feeling1 a generous cheerful temper1 a disposition ready to forgive1 patience1 a high sense of duty1 a cultivated mind1 and a natural grace of manner4 ,she should be able to govern her household with gentle resolution1 and to take an intelligent interest in her husband's pursuits4 ,she should have a clear understanding1 and all the firmness that does not exclude delicacy1 and all the softness that does not imply weakness4 ,her beauty1 like the rose it resembleth1 shall retain its sweetness when its bloom is withered4 ,her hand seeketh employment2 her foot delighteth not in gadding about4 ,she is clothed with neatness2 she is fed with temperance4 ,on her tongue dwelleth music2 the sweetness of honey floweth from her lips4 ,her eye speaketh softness and love2 but discretion1 with a sceptre1 sitteth on her brow4 ,she presideth in the house1 and there is peace2 she commandeth with judgment1 and is obeyed4 ,she ariseth in the morning1 she considers her affairs1 and appointeth to every one their proper business4 ,the prudence of her management is an honour to her husband2 and he heareth her praise with a secret delight4 ,happy is the man that hath made her his wife2 happy is the child that calleth her mother4 ,the married man must have been blessed with a cage-making wife like this who defined woman as ,an essay on goodness and grace1 in one volume1 elegantly bound4 ,although it may seem a little expensive1 every man should have a copy4 ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,husbands ,,have ,,duties ,,too4 ,a good wife is the gift of a good ,god1 and the workmanship of a good husband4--,proverb4 ,my dear sir1 mind your studies1 mind your business1 make your lady happy1 and be a good ,christian4--,dr4 ,johnson's advice to ,boswell4 ,a highland horse dealer1 who lately effected a sale1 was offered a bottle of porter to confess the animal's failings4 ,the bottle was drunk1 and he then said the horse had but two faults4 ,when turned loose in the field he was bad to catch1 and he was of no use when caught4 ,many a poor woman might say the same of her husband4 ,she had to make many nets1 for he was bad to catch1 and when caught--well1 he forgot that husbands have duties as well as wives4 ,some men can neither do without wives nor with them2 they are wretched alone1 in what is called single blessedness1 and they make their homes miserable when they get married2 they are like the dog1 which could not bear to be loose1 and howled when it was tied up4 ,there are men with whom all the pleasure of love exists in its pursuit1 and not in its possession4 ,when a woman marries one of this class1 he seems almost to despise her from that day4 ,having got her into his power he begins to bully her4 ,if it be true that there are more people married than keep good houses1 husbands are quite as much to blame as wives4 ,the proverb tells us that good wives and good plantations are made by good husbands4 ,in the last chapter we ventured to suggest that women should make cages as well as nets2 but all their efforts will be in vain if they have ill-birds who foul their own nests4 ,to complete the subject1 therefore1 something must be said about the behaviour of the male bird when caught and caged4 ,first of all he should sing and not cry4 ,how many women are there who suffer from the want of a kindly love1 a sweet appreciation of their goodness and their self-sacrifice6 ,how often will wives do tender and loving offices1 adorn the home with flowers1 making it as neat as the nest of a bird2 dress their persons with elegance1 and their faces with smiles1 and find as a reward for this the stolid indifference of the block or the stupid insensibility of the lower animal6 ,she was a woman1 wrote one who knew her sex well2 a woman down to the very tips of her finger-nails1 and what she wanted was praise from the lips that she loved4 ,do you ask what that meant8 ,did she want gold1 or dress1 or power8 ,no2 all she wanted was that which will buy us all1 and which so few of us ever get--in a word1 it was ,love4 ,priscilla ,lammeter1 in ,silas ,marner1 well understood the selfish way many husbands fall into of relieving their feelings3 ,there's nothing kills a man so soon as having nobody to find fault with but himself4 ,it's a deal the best way o' being master to let somebody else do the ordering1 and keep the blaming in your own hands4 ,it 'ud save many a man a stroke ,i believe4 ,if he would only be satisfied6 ,mrs4 ,carlyle used sometimes to complain of ,carlyle1 but ,i have had to learn that when he does not find fault he is pleased1 and that has to content me4 ,on one occasion when ,carlyle was away from home ,mrs4 ,carlyle described her charwoman sort of work to get all in perfect order for her husband's arrival2 and when all was complete--his dinner ready1 his arm-chair in its usual attitude1 his pipe and tobacco prepared1 all looking as comfortable as possible--,mrs4 ,c4 sat down at last to rest1 and to expect him with a quiet mind4 ,he arrived2 and after he had just greeted me1 what do you think he did8 ,he walked to the window and shook it1 and asked ',where's the wedge of the window8' and until we had found that blessed wedge nothing would content him4 ,he said the window would rattle and spoil all4 ,when a great and good man gives such inordinate prominence to trivial worries1 how intolerable to live with must be the baser sort1 who scarcely know the meaning of self-control6 ,some men may deserve rewards for distinguished service in action2 but they certainly do not for distinguished service in passion or suffering4 ,in this respect they are far less brave than women4 ,the fault of many husbands is not the absence of love1 but their failure to express it in their daily lives1 and the self-absorption which prevents them from knowing that their wives want something more than they give them4 ,they do not pay that attention to little things on which so much of a woman's happiness depends4 ,instead of love being the occasion of all the misery of this world 7as is sung by fantastic bards71 the misery of this world is occasioned by there not being love enough4 ,certain it is1 that as time goes on married life is not usually found to want less love1 but more2 not less expression of love1 but more4 ,caroline ,perthes1 writing to her husband1 is not content he should love her1 but wishes the phlegmatic ,german would sometimes tell her so4 ,husbands would be more considerate and less exacting if they realized the fact that a wife's work is never done4 ,i have heard more than one lady remark that the greatest pleasure of hotel life1 and of a visit to one's friends1 is to be able to sit down to dinner without a knowledge of what is coming in the various courses4 ,the wife whose sympathy is always ready for her husband's out-of-door difficulties naturally expects that he should at least try to understand her housekeeping troubles4 ,how many they are is known to every one who has run a house for even a short time4 ,a woman may have much theoretical knowledge1 but this will not prevent unlooked-for obstacles from arising4 ,annoyances caused by human frailty and the working of natural agents beset every practical housekeeper4 ,it is the unexpected that constantly happens1 and the daily girding up to meet the emergencies of the hour is the task of every wife who seeks to make her home a comfortable1 habitable abode4 ,it is work--real1 earnest work1 quite as hard in its way as the husband's4 ,husbands should know the value and the difficulty of the work of their wives1 and should never forget that a little help is worth a great deal of fault-finding4 ,the husband's affection must never be merged in an overweening conceit of his authority4 ,his rule must be the rule of reason and kindness1 not of severity and caprice4 ,he is the houseband and should bind all together like a corner-stone1 but not crush everything like a mill-stone4 ,jeremy ,taylor says3 ,the dominion of a man over his wife is no other than as the soul rules the body2 for which it takes mighty care1 and uses it with a delicate tenderness1 and cares for it in all contingencies1 and watches to keep it from all evils1 and studies to make for it fair provisions1 and very often is led by its inclinations and desires1 and does never contradict its appetites but when they are evil1 and then also not without some trouble and sorrow2 and its government comes only to this1 it furnishes the body with light and understanding2 and the body furnishes the soul with hands and feet2 the soul governs1 because the body cannot else be happy2 but the government is no other than provision1 as a nurse governs a child1 when she causes him to eat1 and to be warm1 and dry1 and quiet4 ,it sometimes happens that she who ought to have most influence on her husband's mind has least4 ,a man will frequently take the advice of a stranger who cares not for him1 in preference to the cordial and sensible opinion of his own wife4 ,consideration of the domestic evils such a line of conduct is calculated to produce ought to prevent its adoption4 ,besides1 there is in woman an intuitive quickness1 a penetration1 and a foresight1 that make her advice very valuable4 ,if ,i was making up a plan of consequence1 said ,lord ,bolingbroke1 ,i should like first to consult with a sensible woman4 ,many a man has been ruined by professed friends1 because when his wife1 with a woman's quick detection of character1 saw through them and urged him to give them up1 he would not do so4 ,and if a wife is the partner of her husband's cares surely she ought also to be the companion of his pleasures4 ,there are selfish husbands who go about amusing themselves2 but in reference to their wives they seem to be of the same opinion as the ancient philosopher1 who only approved of women leaving home three times in their lives--to be baptized1 married1 and buried6 ,does it never occur to such ,egyptian taskmasters that all work and no play is quite as bad for women as for men1 and that the wife who makes her cage comfortable should occasionally be offered and even urged to take a little amusement8 ,i know of one wife who struck under such treatment4 ,whenever her husband spent his money and time too freely away from home1 she used to take her child and go for a little excursion1 which of course cost money4 ,if he gave more drinks than he could afford to himself and to his club-companions1 she used to frighten him into good behaviour by ordering a bottle of champagne for herself4 ,giving in this way a ,roland for every ,oliver1 this really good wife soon brought her husband to see that his selfishness was a losing game4 ,cobbett protests against a husband getting to like his club1 or indeed any house1 better than his own4 ,when absent from necessity1 there is no wound given to the heart of the wife2 she concludes that her husband would be with her if he could1 and that satisfies4 ,yet in these cases her feelings ought to be consulted as much as possible2 she ought to be apprised of the probable duration of the absence1 and of the time of return4 ,and what ,cobbett preached upon this text he himself practised4 ,he and a friend called ,finnerty were dining with a mutual friend4 ,at eleven o'clock ,cobbett said to the host1 ,we must go2 my wife will be frightened4 ,you do not mean to go home to-night1 was the reply4 ,i told him ,i did2 and then sent my son1 who was with us1 to order out the post-chaise4 ,we had twenty-three miles to go1 during which we debated the question whether ,mrs4 ,cobbett would be up to receive us1 ,i contending for the affirmative and he for the negative4 ,she was up1 and had a nice fire for us to sit down at4 ,she had not committed the matter to a servant2 her servants and children were all in bed2 and she was up1 to perform the duty of receiving her husband and his friend4 ',you did not expect him8' said ,finnerty4 ',to be sure ,i did1' said she2 'he never disappointed me in his life4' ,we ourselves heard a wife saying to her husband only the other day1 ,i would rather you had done that than given me ten pounds4 ,what had he done8 ,only put himself out a little to return home at the exact hour he had appointed to be with her4 ,that the little attention gratified her so much will not seem strange to any one who has observed the power of little things in imparting either pleasure or pain4 ,a kind husband1 when he goes from home1 generally brings back some little present to his wife4 ,attentions like this keep fresh that element of romance which should never be entirely absent from married life4 ,they remind the now staid1 but still impressible matron1 of the days of her maiden power1 when a cold look from her brought winter into the room1 and when the faintest wish would have sent a certain young gentleman on a walk of a dozen miles for the first violets4 ,yes1 now and then give your wife a present--a real present1 which1 without involving undue expense1 is good enough to compel a certain sacrifice1 and suitable enough to make her cheek flush with delight at seeing that just as the bride was dearer than the sweetheart1 the wife is yet dearer than the bride4 ,there is quite as much human nature in a wife as in a husband 7men forget this71 and a little tender petting does her a great deal of good1 and may even be better than presents4 ,what a model husband and father ,macaulay would have been if he had married6 ,his sister1 ,lady ,trevelyan1 says1 that those who did not know him at home1 never knew him in his most brilliant1 witty1 and fertile vein4 ,he was life and sunshine to young and old in the sombre house in ,great ,ormond ,street1 where the forlorn old father1 like a blighted oak1 lingered on in leafless decay1 reading one long sermon to his family on ,sunday afternoons1 and another long sermon on ,sunday evenings--where ,sunday walking for walking's sake was never allowed1 and even going to a distant church was discouraged4 ,through this ,puritanic gloom ,macaulay shot like a sunbeam1 and turned it into a fairy scene of innocent laughter and mirth4 ,against ,macaulay1 the author1 severe things may be said2 but as to his conduct in his own home--as a son1 as a brother1 and an uncle--it is only the barest justice to say that he appears to have touched the furthest verge of human virtue1 sweetness1 and generosity4 ,his thinking was often1 if not generally1 pitched in what we must call a low key1 but his action might put the very saints to shame4 ,he reversed a practice too common among men of genius1 who are often careful to display all their shining and attractive qualities to the outside world1 and keep for home consumption their meanness1 selfishness1 and ill-temper4 ,macaulay struck no heroic attitude of benevolence1 magnanimity1 and aspiration before the world--rather the opposite2 but in the circle of his home affections he practised those virtues without letting his right hand know what was done by his left4 ,writing to his oldest and dearest friend in the first days of her overwhelming grief1 ,her ,majesty the ,queen described the ,prince ,consort as having been to her husband1 father1 lover1 master1 friend1 adviser1 and guide4 ,there could scarcely be a better description of what a husband ought to be4 ,,chapter ,,xxvi4 ,,the ,,health ,,of ,,the ,,family4 ,reason's whole pleasure1 all the joys of sense1 ,lie in three words--health1 peace1 and competence4 ,but ,health consists with temperance alone1 ,and ,peace1 ,o ,virtue1 peace is all thy own4--,pope4 ,better to hunt in fields for health unbought1 ,than fee the doctor for a nauseous draught4--,dryden4 ,an eminent physician gave four rules for the preservation of health4 ,when he died1 his books were sold2 one1 which was said to contain very valuable precepts of health1 but which the bidders were not permitted to open1 sold at a high price4 ,when the purchaser got it home he hastily proceeded to examine it1 and was much disappointed at finding that it contained nothing more than four simple rules4 ,he thought he had thrown his money away4 ,but on further consideration he was induced to put the rules in practice2 by doing so he was restored to a state of health to which he had long been a stranger4 ,he often spoke of the old physician's book as the cheapest and most valuable purchase he ever made in his life4 ,the rules were these3 ,keep the head cool2 ,keep the feet warm2 ,take a light supper2 ,rise early4 ,the old word for holy in the ,german language also means healthy1 and1 in our own1 hale1 whole1 and holy are from the same root4 ,carlyle says that you could not get any better definition of what 'holy' really is than 'healthy--completely healthy4' ,mens sana in corpore sano4 ,there is no kind of achievement you could make in the world that is equal to perfect health4 ,what are nuggets and millions8 ,the ,french financier said1 ,alas6 why is there no sleep to be sold8 ,sleep was not in the market at any quotation4 ,what boots it to have attained wealth1 if the wealth is accompanied by ceaseless ailments8 ,what is the worth of distinction1 if it has brought hypochondria with it8 ,surely no one needs telling that a good digestion1 a bounding pulse1 and high spirits1 are elements of happiness which no external advantages can out-balance4 ,chronic bodily disorder casts a gloom over the brightest prospects2 while the vivacity of strong health gilds even misfortune4 ,health is not merely freedom from bodily pain2 it is the capability of receiving pleasure from all surrounding things1 and from the employment of all our faculties4 ,it need scarcely be said that without this capability even marriage cannot make us happy4 ,indeed1 without a fair share of health to start with people are not justified in taking upon themselves the responsibilities of matrimony1 and running the risk of introducing into the world weak children that may be said to be damned rather than born into it4 ,it has been remarked that the first requisite to success in life is to be a good animal4 ,will it seem shockingly unpoetical to suggest that this is also a very important element of success in marriage8 ,certainly beauty has great power in retaining as well as in gaining affection1 and health is a condition of beauty4 ,a clear complexion and laughing eyes1 a supple and rounded form1 and a face unmarked by wrinkles of pain or peevishness1 are the results of vigour of constitution4 ,overflowing health produces good humour1 and we all know how important that is to matrimonial felicity4 ,i once knew an old lady who used to say that it was a duty to sometimes take medicine for the sake of one's friends4 ,she was thinking of the effect of dyspepsia1 congested liver1 and other forms of ill-health upon our tempers4 ,the chief misery of dyspepsia is that it is not merely pain1 but pain which affects the intellect and feelings alike2 in ,carlyle's vivid words3 ,every window of your feeling1 even of your intellect1 as it were1 begrimed and mud-bespattered1 so that no pure ray can enter2 a whole drug-shop in your inwards2 the foredone soul drowning slowly in the quagmires of disgust4 ,oliver ,wendell ,holmes speaks of a man in the clothing business with an impressible temperament who let a customer slip through his fingers one day without fitting him with a new garment4 ',ah6' said he to a friend of mine1 who was standing by1 'if it hadn't been for that confounded headache of mine this morning1 ,i'd have had a coat on that man1 in spite of himself1 before he left the store4' ,a passing throb only2 but it deranged the nice mechanism required to persuade the accidental human being1 x1 into a given piece of broadcloth1 a4 ,how many more happy days would a husband and wife spend together were it not for confounded headaches which cause foolish1 bitter words to be spoken4 ,if a man cannot do business when the nice mechanism of his body is deranged1 neither can he be gentle and kind in the family circle4 ,this is what ,dr4 ,johnson meant when he said that a man is a villain when sick4 ,smelfungus1 says ,sterne1 had been the grand tour1 and had seen nothing to admire2 all was barren from ,dan to ,beersheba2 and when ,i met him he fell foul of the ,venus de ,medici2 and abused her ladyship like a common fish-fag4 ',i will tell it1' cried he1 ',i will tell it to the world6' ',you had better1' said ,sterne1 'tell it to your physician4' ,so too when a man falls foul of his wife1 and abuses her ladyship like a common fish-fag because his liver is out of order1 he had better go to a physician and take every means of clearing his clouded temper4 ,how much a husband can do by sympathy and kindness for a sick wife6 ,mrs4 ,carlyle used to say1 ,the very least attention from ,carlyle just glorifies me4 ,when ,i have one of my headaches1 and the sensation of red-hot knitting-needles darting into my brain1 ,carlyle's way of expressing sympathy is to rest a heavy hand on the top of my head1 and keep it there in perfect silence for several seconds1 so that although ,i could scream with nervous agony1 ,i sit like a martyr1 smiling with joy at such a proof of profound pity from him4 ,the truth is that happiness is the most powerful of tonics4 ,by accelerating the circulation of the blood1 it facilitates the performance of every function2 and so tends alike to increase health when it exists1 and to restore it when it has been lost4 ,if acts of kindness from a husband are necessary in all cases1 they are especially so in cases of his wife's illness1 from whatever cause arising1 and most of all when there is a prospect of her becoming a mother4 ,this is the time for him to show care1 watchful tenderness1 attention to all her wishes1 and anxious efforts to quiet her fears4 ,any agitation or fatigue at such times may cause the remaining years of her life to be years of pain and weakness4 ,if he value happiness in married life and would escape bitter self-reproach1 the husband will be very careful of his wife when in this condition4 ,and it is the duty of the young wife1 on her part1 to take care of her own health1 because of the manner in which hers will affect the health of her expected child4 ,and as the moral and mental nature of the child is scarcely less dependent on her than the physical1 she should cherish only such mental frames and dispositions as she would like to see reproduced in her child4 ,how much her husband can help or hinder her in doing so6 ,then when the child is born she ought if possible to give it the food which nature provides and which is its birthright4 ,no other is so congenial1 and the consequences of unnatural methods of feeding are sometimes most injurious to the bodies and minds of children4 ,in these hard times of great competition in every kind of business1 it is a sad fact that many men have to overwork themselves1 or at least fancy they have1 in order to get a living for their families4 ,but there are others who kill themselves by overwork and over-anxiety1 for what8 ,to amass more money than they can well spend1 or to catch the soap-bubble called fame-- ,and all to leave what with his tact he won1 ,to that unfeathered two-legged thing1 a son4 ,alas6 that such men never think of ,his considerate words to ,his disciples who was the great ,physician of the body as well as of the soul--,come ye apart1 and rest awhile4 ,if they did they would be able to show to their friends at home what the ,lord had done for them4 ,rest to their overstrung nerves would make them less peevish1 discontented1 and generally disagreeable4 ,more open-air amusements1 and more indoor gaiety1 would save a great many failing brains and enfeebled hearts4 ,of course health may be impaired quite as much by doing too little work as by doing too much4 ,this truth was enforced by ,thackeray1 when1 addressing a medical friend1 he exclaimed1 ,doctor1 there is not in the whole of your pharmacopoeia so sovereign a remedy as hard work4 ,all depends upon the temperament and constitution4 ,what kills one man cures another4 ,general ,sir ,charles ,napier1 who was not physically a strong man1 declared that for the first time he had discovered what total immunity from malaise meant when he took to working seventeen hours a day at ,cephalonia1 as acting ,governor or ,commissioner of the ,ionian ,islands4 ,not all but by far the largest part of the cure of nervous depression rests with the patient4 ,change1 exercise1 fresh air1 diet1 tonics--all these together will not cure any one who gives up and gives way4 ,above all1 we should try to be cheerful4 ,a clerical friend1 at a celebrated watering-place1 met a lady who seemed hovering on the brink of the grave4 ,her cheeks were hollow and wan1 her manner listless1 her step languid1 and her brow wore the severe contraction so indicative both of mental and physical suffering1 so that she was to all observers an object of sincere pity4 ,some years afterward he encountered this same lady2 but so bright1 and fresh1 and youthful1 so full of healthful buoyancy1 and so joyous in expression1 that he questioned the lady if he had not deceived himself with regard to identity4 ,is it possible1 said he1 that ,i see before me ,mrs4 ,b4 who presented such a doleful appearance at the ,springs several years ago8 ,the very same4 ,and pray tell me the secret of your cure4 ,what means did you use to attain to such vigour of mind and body1 to such cheerfulness and rejuvenation8 ,a very simple remedy1 returned she1 with a beaming face2 ,i stopped worrying and began to laugh2 that was all4 ,we would call the attention of heads of families to the following mistakes which the ,sanitary ,record lately enumerated3 ,it is a mistake to labour when you are not in a fit condition to do so4 ,to think that the more a person eats the healthier and stronger he will become4 ,to go to bed at midnight and rise at daybreak1 and imagine that every hour taken from sleep is an hour gained4 ,to imagine that if a little work or exercise is good1 violent or prolonged exercise is better4 ,to conclude that the smallest room in the house is large enough to sleep in4 ,to eat as if you only had a minute to finish the meal in1 or to eat without an appetite1 or continue after it has been satisfied1 merely to satisfy the taste4 ,to believe that children can do as much work as grown people1 and that the more hours they study the more they learn4 ,to imagine that whatever remedy causes one to feel immediately better 7as alcoholic stimulants7 is good for the system1 without regard to the after-effects4 ,to take off proper clothing out of season because you have become heated4 ,to sleep exposed to a direct draught in any season4 ,to think that any nostrum or patent medicine is a specific for all the diseases flesh is heir to4 ,there are few things more important to health than the due adjustment of play and work4 ,the school at which a boy ten years of age is made to work at his tasks for the same time as a lad of sixteen ought to be avoided by all parents4 ,if health is to be preserved in early youth1 the child must be treated on the same principle as a foal would be4 ,he1 or she1 must be allowed to a great extent to run wild1 and lessons must be carefully graduated to the bodily powers4 ,those mothers who are inclined to dose their children too much should be reminded that it was during the days when physic flourished in the nursery that the greatest amount of disease was found4 ,it is not by medicine1 but by acting in accordance with natural laws1 that health of body and health of mind and morals can be secured at home4 ,without a knowledge of such laws1 the mother's love too often finds its recompense only in the child's coffin4 ,in the management of their children's health some mothers are guided by everybody and everything except by nature herself4 ,and yet the child's healthy instincts are what alone should be followed4 ,sir ,samuel ,garth1 physician to ,george ,i41 was a member of the ,kit-,kat ,club4 ,coming to the club one night1 he said he must soon be gone1 having many patients to attend2 but some good wine being produced1 he forgot them4 ,sir ,richard ,steele was of the party1 and reminded him of the visits he had to pay4 ,garth pulled out his list1 which amounted to fifteen1 and said1 ,it's no great matter whether ,i see them to-night or not2 for nine of them have such bad constitutions that all the physicians in the world can't save them2 and the other six have such good constitutions that all the physicians in the world can't kill them4 ,probably the carelessness of many people about their health may be explained in the same way4 ,they think either that their constitutions are so good that nothing can injure them or else that they are so bad that nothing can make them better4 ,and often it is a bottle of wine or some other indulgence of appetite that keeps health away4 ,we have heard of a well-known character who1 having had many severe attacks of gout1 and who1 getting into years1 and having a cellar of old port wine1 upon which he drew somewhat considerably1 was advised by his physician to give up the port1 and for the future to drink a certain thin claret not very expensive4 ,said the gentleman in reply to this suggestion3 ,i prefer my gout with my port1 to being cured of my gout with that claret of yours6 ,of a delicate man who would not control his appetite it was said1 ,one of his passions which he will not resist is for a particular dish1 pungent1 savoury1 and multifarious1 which sends him almost every night into ,tartarus4 ,talking of the bad effects of late hours ,sydney ,smith said of a distinguished diner-out that it would be written on his tomb1 ,he dined late4 ,and died early1 added ,luttrell4 ,such people ought to be told that in playing tricks with their health they are committing a very great sin4 ,perhaps1 says ,mr4 ,herbert ,spencer1 nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will both be adequately cared for1 as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation of health is a duty4 ,few seem conscious that there is such a thing as physical morality4 ,men's habitual words and acts imply the idea that they are at liberty to treat their bodies as they please4 ,disorders entailed by disobedience to ,nature's dictates1 they regard simply as grievances1 not as the effects of a conduct more or less flagitious4 ,though the evil consequences inflicted on their dependents1 and on future generations1 are often as great as those caused by crime2 yet they do not think themselves in any degree criminal4 ,it is true that1 in the case of drunkenness1 the viciousness of a bodily transgression is recognized2 but none appear to infer that1 if this bodily transgression is vicious1 so too is every bodily transgression4 ,the fact is1 that all breaches of the laws of health are physical sins4 ,certainly there are many great sufferers who are not responsible for their ailments1 and sometimes they teach lessons of patience and resignation so well in the world and in their families1 that their work is quite as valuable as that of the active and healthy4 ,robert ,hall1 being troubled with an acute disease which sometimes caused him to roll on the floor with agony1 would rise therefrom1 wiping from his brow the drops of sweat which the pain had caused1 and1 trembling from the conflict1 ask1 ,but ,i did not complain--,i did not cry out much1 did ,i8 ,sydney ,smith may have dined out more than was good for his health1 but he never allowed infirmities to sour his temper4 ,at the end of a letter to an old friend he adds playfully1 ,i have gout1 asthma1 and seven other maladies1 but am otherwise very well4 ,for the sake of domestic happiness let us preserve our health2 but when we do get ill we should endeavour to bear it in this cheerful spirit4 ,,chapter ,,xxvii4 ,,love ,,surviving ,,marriage4 ,thou leanest thy true heart on mine1 ,and bravely bearest up6 ,aye mingling ,love's most precious wine ,in life's most bitter cup6 ,and evermore the circling hours ,new gifts of glory bring2 ,we live and love like happy flowers1 ,all in our fairy ring4 ,we have known a many sorrows1 sweet6 ,we have wept a many tears1 ,and after trod with trembling feet ,our pilgrimage of years4 ,but when our sky grew dark and wild1 ,all closelier did we cling2 ,clouds broke to beauty as you smiled1 ,peace crowned our fairy ring4--,massey4 ,marriage is sometimes said to be the door that leads deluded mortals back to earth2 but this need not and ought not to be the case4 ,writing to his wife from the sea-side1 where he had gone in search of health1 ,kingsley said3 ,this place is perfect2 but it seems a dream and imperfect without you4 ,blessed be ,god for the rest1 though ,i never before felt the loneliness of being without the beloved being whose every look and word and motion are the key-notes of my life4 ,people talk of love ending at the altar4444 ,fools6 ,of course the enthusiastic tempestuous love of courting days will not as a rule remain4 ,a married couple soon get to feel towards each other very much as two chums at college1 or two partners in a business who are at the same time old and well-tried friends4 ,young married people often think that those who have been in the holy state of matrimony twenty or thirty years longer than themselves are very prosy1 unromantic1 and by no means perfect examples of what married people ought to be4 ,we would remind persons manifesting this newly-married intolerance of what an old minister of the ,church of ,scotland once said to a young ,scotch ,dissenter who was finding many faults--,when your lum 7chimney7 has reeked as long as ours perhaps it will have as much soot4 ,there is real love just as there are real ghosts2 every person speaks of it2 few persons have seen it4 ,this cynical remark of ,rochefoucauld is certainly not true in reference to love before marriage and the existence of love even after it rests on far better evidence than the existence of ghosts4 ,i have never seen a ghost1 but ,i have seen love surviving matrimony1 and ,i have read amongst very many other instances the following4 ,old ,robert ,burton relates several cases of more than lovers' love existing between husband and wife4 ,he tells us of women who have died to save their husbands1 and of a man who1 when his wife was carried away by ,mauritanian pirates1 became a galley-slave in order to be near her4 ,of a certain ,rubenius ,celer he says that he would needs have it engraven on his tomb that he had led his life with ,ennea1 his dear wife1 forty-three years and eight months1 and never fell out4 ,after twenty-eight years' experience1 ,faraday spoke of his marriage as an event which more than any other had contributed to his earthly happiness and healthy state of mind4 ,for forty-six years the union continued unbroken2 the love of the old man remaining as fresh1 as earnest1 and as heart-whole1 as in the days of his youth4 ,another man of science1 ,james ,nasmyth1 the inventor of the steam-hammer1 had a similar happy experience4 ,forty-two years of married life finds us the same devoted 'cronies' that we were at the beginning4 ,dr4 ,arnold often dwelt upon the rare1 the unbroken1 the almost awful happiness of his domestic life1 and carried the first feelings of enthusiastic love and watchful care through twenty-two years of wedded life4 ,there are such things as love-letters between married people4 ,here are two extracts from one written by ,caroline ,perthes to her absent husband3 ,i have just looked out into the night1 and thought of thee4 ,it is a glorious night1 and the stars are glittering above me1 and if in thy carriage one appears to thee brighter than the rest1 think that it showers down upon thee love and kindness from me1 and no sadness1 for ,i am not now unhappy when you are absent4 ,yet ,i am certain that this does not proceed from any diminution of affection4 ,if ,i could only show how ,i feel towards you1 it would give you joy4 ,after all ,i may say or write1 it is still unexpressed1 and far short of the living love which ,i carry in my heart4 ,if you could apprehend me without words1 you would understand me better4 ,the children do their best1 but you are always the same1 and have ever the first place in my heart4 ,thank ,god1 my ,perthes1 neither time nor circumstances can ever affect my love to you2 my affection knows neither youth nor age1 and is eternal4 ,if love never survived matrimony would ,mrs4 ,carlyle have written a letter like the following which she did to a friend who made a special effort to console her soon after the death of her mother8--,only think of my husband1 too1 having given me a little present6 he who never attends to such nonsenses as birthdays1 and who dislikes nothing in the world so much as going into a shop to buy anything1 even his own trousers and coats2 so that1 to the consternation of cockney tailors1 ,i am obliged to go about them4 ,well1 he actually risked himself in a jeweller's shop1 and bought me a very nice smelling-bottle6 ,i cannot tell you how wae his little gift made me1 as well as glad2 it was the first thing of the kind he ever gave me in his life4 ,in great matters he is always kind and considerate8 but these little attentions1 which we women attach so much importance to1 he was never in the habit of rendering to any one2 his up-bringing1 and the severe turn of mind he has from nature1 had alike indisposed him towards them4 ,and now the desire to replace to me the irreplaceable makes him as good in little things as he used to be in great4 ,carlyle never forgot her birthday afterwards4 ,once she thought that he had1 and she told the story of her mistake and its correction thus3 ,oh6 my dear husband1 fortune has played me such a cruel trick this day6 and ,i do not even feel any resentment against fortune for the suffocating misery of the last two hours4 ,i know always1 when ,i seem to you most exacting1 that whatever happens to me is nothing like so bad as ,i deserve4 ,but you shall hear how it was4 ,not a line from you on my birthday1 the postmistress averred6 ,i did not burst out crying1 ,i did not faint--did not do anything absurd1 so far as ,i know2 but ,i walked back again1 without speaking a word2 and with such a tumult of wretchedness in my heart as you1 who know me1 can conceive4 ,and then ,i shut myself in my own room to fancy everything that was most tormenting4 ,were you1 finally1 so out of patience with me that you had resolved to write to me no more at all8 ,had you gone to ,addiscombe1 and found no leisure there to remember my existence8 ,were you taken ill1 so ill that you could not write8 ,that last idea made me mad to get off to the railway1 and back to ,london4 ,oh1 mercy6 what a two hours ,i had of it6 ,and just when ,i was at my wits' end1 ,i heard ,julia crying out through the house3 ',mrs4 ,carlyle1 ,mrs4 ,carlyle6 ,are you there8 ,here is a letter for you4' ,and so there was after all6 ,the postmistress had overlooked it1 and had given it to ,robert1 when he went afterwards1 not knowing that we had been4 ,i wonder what love-letter was ever received with such thankfulness6 ,oh1 my dear6 ,i am not fit for living in the world with this organization4 ,i am as much broken to pieces by that little accident as if ,i had come through an attack of cholera or typhus fever4 ,i cannot even steady my hand to write decently4 ,but ,i felt an irresistible need of thanking you1 by return of post4 ,yes1 ,i have kissed the dear little card-case2 and now ,i will lie down awhile1 and try to get some sleep4 ,at least1 to quiet myself1 ,i will try to believe--oh1 why cannot ,i believe it once for all--that1 with all my faults and follies1 ,i am 'dearer to you than any earthly creature4' ,hundreds of other cases of love surviving matrimony might be cited but we shall only add one more4 ,on the fifty-fourth anniversary of his marriage1 ,mr4 ,s4 ,c4 ,hall composed the following lines1 a copy of which ,i had the pleasure of receiving from himself3 ,yes6 we go gently down the hill of life1 ,and thank our ,god at every step we go2 ,the husband-lover and the sweetheart-wife4 ,of creeping age what do we care or know8 ,each says to each1 ',our fourscore years1 thrice told1 ,would leave us young3' the soul is never old6 ,what is the grave to us8 can it divide ,the destiny of two by ,god made one8 ,we step across1 and reach the other side1 ,to know our blended life is but begun4 ,these fading faculties are sent to say ,heaven is more near to-day than yesterday4 ,,chapter ,,xxviii4 ,,he ,,will ,,not ,,separate ,,us1 ,,we ,,have ,,been ,,so ,,happy4 ,to veer how vain6 on1 onward strain1 ,brave barks6 in light1 in darkness too2 ,through winds and tides one compass guides1 ,to that1 and your own selves1 be true4 ,but1 ,o blithe breeze6 and ,o great seas1 ,though ne'er that earliest parting past ,on your wide plain they join again1 ,together lead them home at last4 ,one port1 methought1 alike they sought1 ,one purpose hold where'er they fare4 ,o bounding breeze1 ,o rushing seas6 ,at last1 at last unite them there6--,clough4 ,he will not separate us1 we have been so happy--these were the last words of ,charlotte ,bronte when1 having become ,mrs4 ,nicholls1 and having lived with her husband only nine months1 death came to snatch the cup of domestic felicity from the lips of the happy pair4 ,a low wandering delirium came on4 ,wakening for an instant from this stupor1 she saw her husband's woe-worn face1 and caught the sound of some murmured words of prayer that ,god would spare her4 ,oh6 she whispered1 ,i am not going to die1 am ,i8 ,he will not separate us1 we have been so happy4 ,mrs4 ,elizabeth ,fry1 when a girl1 loved her family so dearly that she used to wish that when they had to die1 two large walls might press towards each other1 and crush them all1 that they might die all together1 and be spared the misery of parting4 ,loving husbands and wives will sympathize with this wish1 for they must sometimes look forward with dread to the misery of parting from each other4 ,to know1 to esteem1 to love--and then to part1 ,makes up life's tale to many a feeling heart6 ,in all ages the anticipation and the reality of separation has been the greatest and sometimes the only sorrow in the lot of united couples4 ,many very touching inscriptions have been found in the ,catacombs at ,rome1 but none more touching than those which record this separation4 ,here is one of them4 ,it is in memory of a very young wife1 who must have been married when little more than a child 7fourteen71 and then left by her husband1 a soldier1 called off probably to serve in the provinces4 ,he returns to find his poor little wife dead4 ,was she martyred or did she fret herself to death1 or was she carried off with malaria in the ,catacombs8 ,we know nothing2 but here is her epitaph full of simple pathos1 and warm as with the very life blood3 ,to ,domina1 #cge ,a4,d41 my sweetest and most innocent wife1 who lived sixteen years and four months1 and was married two years1 with whom ,i was not able to live more than six months1 during which time ,i showed her my love as ,i felt it2 none else so loved each other4 ,when ,sir ,albert ,morton died1 his wife's grief was such that she shortly followed him1 and was laid by his side4 ,wotton's two lines on the event have been celebrated as containing a volume in seventeen words3 ,he first deceased2 she for a little tried ,to live without him1 liked it not1 and died4 ,when ,colonel ,hutchinson1 the noble ,commonwealth officer1 felt himself dying1 knowing the deep sorrow which his death would occasion to his wife1 he left this message1 which was conveyed to her3 ,let her1 as she is above other women1 show herself on this occasion a good ,christian1 and above the pitch of ordinary women4 ,faithful to his injunction1 instead of lamenting his loss1 she indulged her sorrow in depicting her husband as he had lived4 ,they who dote on mortal excellences1 she says1 in her ,introduction to the ,life1 when1 by the inevitable fate of all things frail1 their adored idols are taken from them1 may let loose the winds of passion to bring in a flood of sorrow1 whose ebbing tides carry away the dear memory of what they have lost2 and when comfort is essayed to such mourners1 commonly all objects are removed out of their view which may with their remembrance renew the grief2 and in time these remedies succeed1 and oblivion's curtain is by degrees drawn over the dead face2 and things less lovely are liked1 while they are not viewed together with that which was most excellent4 ,but ,i1 that am under a command not to grieve at the common rate of desolate women1 while ,i am studying which way to moderate my woe1 and if it were possible to augment my love1 ,i can for the present find out none more just to your dear father1 nor consolatory to myself1 than the preservation of his memory1 which ,i need not gild with such flattering commendations as hired preachers do equally give to the truly and titularly honourable4 ,a naked undressed narrative1 speaking the simple truth of him1 will deck him with more substantial glory than all the panegyrics the best pens could ever consecrate to the virtues of the best men4 ,when death removed ,stella from ,swift1 and he was left alone to think of what he had lost1 he described her as the truest1 most virtuous1 and valuable friend1 that ,i1 or perhaps any other person1 was ever blessed with4 ,henceforward he must strive and suffer alone4 ,the tenderness1 of which his attachment to ,stella had been the strongest symptom1 deeply as it had struck its roots into his nature1 withered into cynicism4 ,but a lock of ,stella's hair is said to have been found in ,swift's desk1 when his own fight was ended1 and on the paper in which it was wrapped were written words that have become proverbial for the burden of pathos that their forced brevity seems to hide--,only a woman's hair4 ,it is for each reader to read his own meaning into them4 ,dr4 ,johnson's wife was querulous1 exacting1 old1 and the reverse of beautiful1 and yet a considerable time after her death he said that ever since the sad event he seemed to himself broken off from mankind2 a kind of solitary wanderer in the wild of life1 without any direction or fixed point of view2 a gloomy gazer on the world to which he had little relation4 ,after recording some good resolution in his ,journal he was in the habit since her death of writing after it his wife's name--,tetty4 ,it is only a word2 but how eloquent it is6 ,when a certain ,mr4 ,edwards asked him if he had ever known what it was to have a wife1 ,johnson replied3 ,sir1 ,i have known what it was to have a wife1 and 7in a solemn1 tender1 faltering tone7 ,i have known what it was to lose a wife4 ,i had almost broke my heart4 ,nor did he allow himself to forget this experience4 ,to ,new ,year's ,day1 ,good ,friday1 ,easter ,day1 and his own birthday1 which he set apart as sacred days dedicated to solemn thought and high communion with his own soul1 he added the day of his wife's death4 ,nor are such separations less felt in humble life4 ,a year or two ago the newspapers in describing a colliery accident related that upon the tin water-bottle of one of the dead men brought out of the ,seaham ,pit1 there was scratched1 evidently with a nail1 the following letter to his wife3 ,,dear ,,margaret1--,there was forty of us altogether at #g ,a4,m41 some was singing hymns1 but my thought was on my little ,michael4 ,i thought that him and ,i would meet in heaven at the same time4 ,oh1 dear wife1 ,god save you and the children1 and pray for myself4 ,dear wife1 farewell4 ,my last thoughts are about you and the children4 ,be sure and learn the children to pray for me4 ,oh1 what a terrible position we are in4--,,michael ,,smith1 #ed1 ,henry ,street4 ,the little ,michael he refers to was his child whom he had left at home ill4 ,the lad died on the day of the explosion4 ,a writer on ,the ,orkneys and ,shetland tells the following4 ,a native of ,hoy went one day to his minister and said1 ,oh6 sir1 but the ways of ,providence are wonderful6 ,i thought ,i had met with a sair misfortune when ,i lost baith my coo and my wife at aince over the cliff1 twa months sin2 but ,i gaed over to ,graemsay1 and ,i hae gotten a far better coo and a far bonnier wife4 ,that a wife is not always so easily replaced is evident from the following letter which appeared in the ,belfast papers3 ,,sir1--,i request permission to inform your readers of the fair sex that ,i have just received a letter from a young man residing in a rapidly-rising town of a few months' growth1 and terminus of several railways1 in one of the ,western ,states of ,america1 telling me that he has lost his wife1 and would wish to get another one--a nice little ,irish girl1 just like the other one2 that she should be 'between twenty and twenty-five years of age1 of good habits1 of good forme1 vertchaus1 and a ,protestant4' ,my correspondent1 who is a perfect stranger to me1 informs me that he is #bh years of age1 and 'ways' #aej lbs42 that he is a carpenter by trade1 and owns a farm of #fe acres1 and that he can give the best of references4 ,i am writing to him for his references and his photograph1 and also for a photograph and description of his late wife1 on receipt of which ,i will address you again4--,,vere ,,foster1 ,belfast1 ,jan4 #e1 #ahhc4 ,this poor1 uneducated carpenter was so happy with his nice little ,irish girl that when taken from him he could not help trying to get another one just like her1 and sends more than three thousand miles for a chip of the old block4 ,if any blame him for seeking for a second wife let them reflect on the awful solitude of a backwoods settlement when the prairie flower represented by a nice little ,irish girl had faded and died4 ,by desiring to marry again he paid the highest compliment to his first wife1 for he showed that she had made him a happy man4 ,it is sometimes said that the happiest days of a man's life is the day of his wedding and the day of his wife's funeral4 ,and the ,quarterly ,review1 in an article on ,church ,bells1 related that one ,thomas ,nash in #ahac bequeathed fifty pounds a year to the ringers of the ,abbey ,church at ,westminster1 on condition of their ringing on the whole peal of bells1 with clappers muffled1 various solemn and doleful changes on the #adth of ,may in every year1 being the anniversary of my wedding-day2 and also on the anniversary of my decease to ring a grand bob-major1 and merry1 mirthful peals1 unmuffled1 in joyful commemoration of my happy release from domestic tyranny and wretchedness4 ,as a rule1 however1 no matter how much a husband and wife have tormented each other the separation when it comes is very painful4 ,how true to life is ,trollope's description of the effect of ,mrs4 ,proudie's death upon the bishop4 ,a wonderful silence had come upon him which for the time almost crushed him4 ,he would never hear that well-known voice again6 ,he was free now4 ,even in his misery--for he was very miserable--he could not refrain from telling himself that4 ,no one could now press uncalled for into his study1 contradict him in the presence of those before whom he was bound to be authoritative1 and rob him of all his dignity4 ,there was no one else of whom he was afraid4 ,she had at least kept him out of the hands of other tyrants4 ,he was now his own master1 and there was a feeling--,i may not call it of relief1 for as yet there was more of pain in it than of satisfaction--a feeling as though he had escaped from an old trouble at a terrible cost1 of which he could not as yet calculate the amount4444 ,she had in some ways1 and at certain periods of his life1 been very good to him4 ,she had kept his money for him and made things go straight when they had been poor4 ,his interests had always been her interests4 ,without her he would never have been a bishop4 ,so1 at least1 he told himself now1 and so told himself probably with truth4 ,she had been very careful of his children4 ,she had never been idle4 ,she had never been fond of pleasure4 ,she had neglected no acknowledged duty4 ,he did not doubt that she was now on her way to heaven4 ,he took his hands down from his head1 and clasping them together1 said a little prayer4 ,it may be doubted1 whether he quite knew for what he was praying4 ,the idea of praying for her soul1 now that she was dead1 would have scandalized him4 ,he certainly was not praying for his own soul4 ,i think he was praying that ,god might save him from being glad that his wife was dead4444 ,but yet his thoughts were very tender to her4 ,nothing reopens the springs of love so fully as absence1 and no absence so thoroughly as that which must needs be endless4 ,we want that which we have not2 and especially that which we can never have4 ,she had told him in the very last moments of her presence with him that he was wishing that she were dead1 and he had made her no reply4 ,at the moment he had felt1 with savage anger1 that such was his wish4 ,her words had now come to pass1 and he was a widower2 and he assured himself that he would give all that he possessed in the world to bring her back again4 ,richard ,cobden once asked in reference to a famous and successful but unscrupulous statesman1 ,how will it be with him when all is retrospect8 ,husband and wife1 how will it be when death has separated you1 and your married life is retrospect8 ,many a man or woman1 going on from day to day in the faithful performance of duty1 without any sweet token of approval to cheer the sometimes weary path1 would find it act as the very wine of life could he or she only hear by anticipation some few of the passionate words of appreciation or regret that will be spoken when the faithful heart1 stilled for ever1 can no longer be moved by the tone of loving commendation4 ,do not in this way let us keep all the good hermetically sealed up till the supreme touch of death shall force it open4 ,alas6 how often at our hearths we see-- ,and by our side--angels about to be6 ,but somehow the selfish absorption of life acts as a soporific to our truer sense1 and our eyes are holden that we do not know them1 until1 alas6 it is too late1 and they have passed out of our sight4 ,could ye come back to me1 ,douglas1 ,douglas1 ,in the old likeness that ,i knew1 ,i would be so faithful1 so loving1 ,douglas-- ,douglas1 ,douglas6 tender and true6 ,never a scornful word should grieve ye1 ,i'd smile on ye1 sweet as the angels do2 ,sweet as your smile on me shone ever-- ,douglas1 ,douglas6 tender and true4 ,the grave buries every error1 covers every defect1 extinguishes every resentment4 ,from its peaceful bosom spring none but fond regrets and tender recollections4 ,who can look down upon the grave of an enemy and not feel a compunctious throb that he should have warred with the poor handful of dust that lies mouldering before him8 ,if the love that is lavished on the graves of dead friends were bestowed on living darlings in equal measure1 family life would be a different thing from what it sometimes is4 ,as ,george ,,iv4 put on the statue of ,george ,,iii4 pater optimus1 best of fathers1 though he had embittered his father's life1 so many a husband tries to relieve his remorse by extravagantly praising the wife who when alive never received any kindness from him4 ,what is hell but truths known too late8 and the surviving one of a married pair has to the end of life1 if duty in matrimony has been neglected1 the incessant wish that something were otherwise than it had been4 ,the one regret to avoid is1 that when married life is over1 over for ever1 to the survivor should come the unutterable but saddening thought1 that now1 in the late autumn of life1 when experience can be no longer of any possible value1 he or she understands1 at last understands1 all that the chivalry of holy matrimony implies and claims on both sides1 in manly forbearance1 in delicate thoughtfulness1 in loving courtesy4 ,too late now6 ,over the triple doorways of the cathedral of ,milan there are three inscriptions spanning the splendid arches4 ,over one is carved a beautiful wreath of roses1 and underneath is the legend ,all that which pleases is only for a moment4 ,over the other is a sculptured cross1 and there are the words1 ,all that which troubles is but for a moment4 ,underneath the great central entrance in the main aisle is the inscription1 ,that only is which is eternal4 ,make the most of the happiness of your marriage1 and the least of its vexations1 for it is a relation that will not last long4 ,respice finem1 the old monks used to say in their meditations on life4 ,and if we would behave rightly in married life we must consider the end4 ,affections are never deepened and refined until the possibility of loss is felt4 ,whatsoever thou takest in hand1 remember the end1 and thou shalt never do amiss4 ,spare all hard words1 omit all slights1 for before long there will be a hearse standing at your door that will take away the best friend that you have on earth--a good wife4 ,then the silence will be appalling2 the vacancies ghastly4 ,reminiscences will rush on the heart like a mountain current over which a cloud has burst4 ,her jewels1 her books1 her pictures1 her dresses will be put into a trunk and the lid will come down with a heavy thud1 as much as to say--,dead6 ,the morning dead4 ,the night dead4 ,the world dead4 ,oh6 man1 if in that hour you think of any unkind word uttered1 you will be willing to pay in red coin of blood every drop from your heart1 if you could buy it back4 ,kindly words1 sympathizing attentions1 watchfulness against wounding the sensitiveness of a wife or husband--it is the omission of these things which is irreparable3 irreparable1 when we look to the purest enjoyment which might have been our own2 irreparable when we consider the compunction which belongs to deeds of love not done4 ,carlyle never meant to be unkind to his wife1 but in his late years he thought that he had sacrificed her health and happiness in his absorption in his work2 that he had been negligent1 inconsiderate1 and selfish4 ,for many years after she had left him1 writes ,mr4 ,froude1 when he passed the spot where she was last seen alive1 he would bare his grey head in the wind and rain--his features wrung with unavailing sorrow4 ',oh6' he often said to me1 'if ,i could but see her for five minutes to assure her that ,i had really cared for her throughout all that6 ,but she never knew it1 she never knew it6' ,sorrow1 however1 may teach us wisdom1 and if we study patience in the school of ,christ much comfort will from thence be derived4 ,and much hope too4 ,he is the resurrection and the life1 and if we believe in ,him we believe that there is a ,friend in whose arms we ourselves shall fall asleep1 and to whose love we may trust for the reunion1 sooner or later1 of the severed links of sacred human affection4 ,and in that perfect ,marriage ,day ,all earth's lost love shall live once more2 ,all lack and loss shall pass away1 ,and all find all not found before2 ,till all the worlds shall live and glow ,in that great love's great overflow4 ,,index4 ,adam and ,eve1 their history repeated every day1 #fa2 had no relations-in-law in ,paradise1 #aaj4 ,advertisement1 ,an1 #cd4 ,affection1 ,a genius for1 #ci2 conjugal1 largely depends on mutual confidence1 #ajf4 ,age1 ,marriageable1 of women1 #cg2 proper for a husband1 #dh4 ,a ,kempis1 ,thomas1 ,wise sentence of1 #bbj4 ,alderman1 ,exclamation of the1 #bjh4 ,alleine1 ,joseph1 describes the inconveniences of a wife1 #aa4 ,appearances not to be entirely disregarded nor regarded too much1 #abf-h4 ,arnold1 ,dr41 on dying childless1 #adh2 as a father1 #agi-hj2 adapted correction to each particular case1 #bjh2 the almost awful happiness of his domestic life1 #bef4 ,astor1 ,john ,jacob1 on the care of property1 #ce4 ,attila1 ,a domestic1 #ei4 ,aurelius1 ,marcus1 on co-operation1 #baf4 ,bacon1 ,lord1 on marriage and celibacy1 #ad2 on abridging expenses1 #abj2 quotes the saying of a wise man1 #abh4 ,baird1 ,sir ,david1 ,anecdote of1 #bah4 ,baxter nursed in prison by his wife1 #bc4 ,beaconsfield1 ,lord1 his opinion about marrying1 #aj2 anecdote of1 #bc2 his description of his wife1 #da4 ,beauty1 ,not wise to marry for1 #cf2 health a condition of1 #bde4 ,bells1 why are ladies like them8 #dj2 article on1 in the ,quarterly ,review1 #bff4 ,belfast papers1 ,the1 letter in1 #bfe4 ,bismarck1 ,prince1 made by his wife1 #bc4 ,blaikie1 ,professor1 on ,how to get rid of trouble1 #aie4 ,boswell1 his matrimonial thought1 #hb4 ,braxfield1 ,lord1 on the benefit of being hanged1 #fb4 ,bridegroom1 ,dutch courage of1 #gb2 driven to desperation1 #hc4 ,bronte1 ,charlotte1 her last words1 #bfj4 ,bunyan shown the pathway to heaven by his wife1 #bb4 ,buried ,alive1 a ,russian story referred to1 #bje4 ,burke on his domestic felicity1 #bc2 describes his wife's eyes1 #ahi4 ,burleigh1 ,lord1 advice to his son on the choice of a wife1 #db4 ,burmah1 ,young men of1 cured of aversion to marriage1 #ab4 ,bermuda1 ,servants in1 #abi4 ,burns on the qualities of a good wife1 #da4 ,burton1 ,robert1 for and against matrimony1 #ac1 #ad2 tells of a remedy for a husband's impatience1 #bjc2 gives instances of love surviving marriage1 #bee-f4 ,byron1 ,lord1 tells a story of a learned ,jew1 #hh2 spoiled by his mother1 #aff4 ,carlyle1 ,thomas1 his inscription upon his wife's tombstone1 #bh2 advice to the discontented1 #fb2 cautions a servant abounding in grace1 #ace2 the way he and his wife pulled together1 #bah2 his definition of holy1 #bdd2 on dyspepsia1 #bdf2 his way of expressing sympathy1 #bdg2 birthday presents to his wife1 #beg-h2 his remorse1 #bgj4 ,carlyle1 ,mrs41 her advice1 #di2 her mutinous maids of all work1 #ace2 describes ,mrs4 ,leigh ,hunt's housekeeping1 #bbd-e2 her culinary trials1 #bbe2 ,if he would only be satisfied6 #bcg4 ,castile1 ,admiral of1 his saying about marrying a wife1 #aj4 ,catacombs at ,rome1 ,inscriptions in1 #acf1 #bfa4 ,celibacy has less pleasure and less pain than marriage1 #aj2 an unnatural state1 #af4 ,cobbe1 ,miss1 on the moral atmosphere of the house1 #aid4 ,cobbett on the wretchedness of old bachelorship1 #ag2 on industry in a wife1 #ci2 comforts his wife1 #if2 an interesting bit of autobiography1 #aje2 a soldier's philosophy1 #agb2 ,he never disappointed me in his life1 #bda4 ,conjugal felicity1 ,secret of1 #f2 largely depends on mutual confidence1 #ajf4 ,connoisseur1 ,hasty exclamation of a1 #fe4 ,courtship1 ,love-making should not end with1 #e1 #bbi2 people unknown to each other during1 #ec1 #hj2 with lawyer's advice1 #abe2 the tempestuous love of does not remain1 #bee4 ,chambers' ,journal gives instances of matrimonial tribulation1 #eg4 ,chesterfield on behaviour to servants1 #acd4 ,chicago1 ,a young lady of1 #abd4 ,children1 ,only1 #adi2 quality more to be desired than quantity of1 #aej2 imitate their elders1 #aeh4 ,china1 ,narrative of a journey through the south border lands of1 #ia4 ,clarendon printing-office1 #eh4 ,clergymen1 ,sons of1 #agc4 ,clerk1 ,a married1 excuses himself1 #adh4 ,cowper and his mother1 #afd4 ,curran felt his wife and children tugging at his gown1 #bd2 his mother and father1 #afe4 ,dale1 ,r4 ,w41 of ,birmingham1 believes in falling in love1 #dg4 ,daughters1 ,fourteen of my1 #aej4 ,david1 ,king1 lays up materials for his son1 #ade4 ,dealer1 ,a ,scotch1 tried baith1 #cb2 confesses the failings of a horse1 #bce4 ,de ,sales1 ,st4 ,francis1 on quarrels1 #ajc4 ,de ,tocqueville1 ,letter of1 about his wife1 #ba4 ,dickens tells an ,american story1 #ej4 ,dictionary1 a town--why so called1 #ee4 ,digestion disturbed by a few words1 #bjh4 ,diogenes1 why he struck a father1 #agc4 ,dress indicates character1 #ci4 ,dulness a serious complaint1 #hi4 ,dunmow flitch1 ,the1 #bab4 ,edison1 ,anecdote of1 #cc4 ,emerson thinks children always interesting1 #adg4 ,eliot1 ,george1 on marriage1 #f2 on disappointment1 #eg2 remarks about the best society1 #aae1 weak women1 #ade2 ,silas ,marner referred to1 #aee1 #bae1 #bcf4 ,ellenborough1 ,lord1 ,anecdote of1 #ahh4 ,erskine illustrates the fact that union is strength1 #baf4 ,eve kept silence to hear her husband talk1 #bji4 ,exactingness causes domestic misery1 #bai4 ,family1 ,a large little1 #adi2 what constitutes a large1 ibid42 government of1 #ahb-c4 ,fanshawe1 ,sir ,richard1 and his wife1 #ajg-i4 ,faraday on his marriage1 #bef4 ,farmer1 country1 a1 ,remark of1 #hc2 story of1 #bjd4 ,farrar1 ,archdeacon1 on non-appreciation1 #c4 ,faults are thick where love is thin1 #fa2 difficult to find fault well1 #bjg4 ,financier1 ,saying of the ,french1 #bde4 ,flaxman1 sculptor1 and his wife1 #be-f4 ,foote1 ,sam1 and his mother1 #afg4 ,franklin1 ,benjamin1 approves of marriage1 #af2 afraid of luxury1 #aba2 answers the question1 ,of what use is it8 #adf2 on ,idle ,silence1 #aid4 ,fry1 ,mrs4 ,elizabeth1 ,a wish of1 #bfa4 ,fuller on domestic jars1 #e2 on the obedience of a wife1 #ii4 ,furnishing1 its importance1 #aac2 ,a safe rule in1 #aae3 its expense1 #aah4 ,garfield1 ,president1 ,u4,s41 reverenced boys1 #aij4 ,garth1 ,sir ,samuel1 ,anecdote of1 #bea4 ,girl1 ,question of a little1 #bje4 ,goethe and his mother1 #afc2 turned every affliction into a poem1 #aih4 ,gough1 temperance orator1 gives the case of an ,american convict1 #aaa4 ,graphic1 ,the1 ,case quoted from1 #aaj4 ,gray the poet grateful to his mother1 #afd4 ,green1 ,john ,richard1 the historian1 his life prolonged by his wife1 #if4 ,guizot1 his estimate of domestic affections1 #bc4 ,hall1 ,robert1 preacher1 reproves a young mother1 #agj2 ,i never lived with her6 #bbc2 his brave patience1 #bec4 ,hall1 ,mr4 ,s4 ,c1 on the fifty-fourth anniversary of his marriage1 #bei4 ,hamilton1 ,sir ,william1 greatly assisted by his wife1 #bg4 ,hare1 ,mrs41 ,saying of about her husband1 #d4 ,happiness1 ,a natural genius for1 #aii2 the most powerful of tonics1 #bdg4 ,hawthorne1 ,story of1 #ie4 ,helps1 ,sir ,arthur1 quoted1 #fg4 ,henderson1 ,sir ,edmund1 on civility1 #ahd4 ,hill1 ,roland1 his practical view of religion1 #ahf4 ,holmes1 ,oliver ,wendell1 describes the effect of an headache1 #bdf4 ,home1 a school of manners1 #aij2 the real happiness of1 #aib1 #bjj1 #bjb4 ,honeymoon1 ,the1 above the snowline1 #ha2 in winter1 #hb2 halcyon period1 #hd2 two opposite opinions about1 quoted1 #he4 ,hood1 his gratitude to his wife1 #bg4 ,housekeeping1 ,knowledge of1 #ch1 #bbg4 ,huber worked with the eyes of his wife1 #bf4 ,humour1 ,good1 has a magical power1 #bbi4 ,hunt1 ,leigh1 his happiness in his wife and children1 #aa2 saying of1 #bbd4 ,husbands1 absentee1 #id1 #bdj2 may be too much at home1 #ie2 the management of1 #bcj-b2 as much to blame as wives1 #bcf2 often fail to express love1 #bcg2 the duties of1 #bag1 #bcg1 c4 ,hutchinson1 ,colonel1 his generosity to his wife1 #abc2 his message to her1 #bfb4 ,huxley1 ,professor1 on the educational abomination of desolation1 #agd4 ,incumbent1 ,a ,hampshire1 on blunders made in the ,marriage ,service1 #hg4 ,insurance1 ,life1 #abd4 ,irishman1 ,the1 his reason for disagreeing with his wife1 #f2 sayings of1 #ee1 #bjc1 #bai4 ,jameson1 ,mrs41 #aja4 ,jealousy1 amusing case of1 #ajd2 incompatible with love of the highest kind1 #ajf4 ,jerrold1 ,douglas1 a comment of1 #dh2 defines the shirt of ,nessus1 #abe4 ,jews1 ,anecdotes of1 #ef1 #hh4 ,johnson1 ,dr41 his estimate of marriage1 #af1 #cb2 his journey to ,derby to be married1 #gd2 his definition of the honeymoon1 #hj2 ,ignorance1 ,madam1 #ajb2 influence of little things upon happiness1 #aad2 on spending money1 #abj-a2 answers the question1 ,would you advise me to marry8 #adc2 ,ay1 sir1 fifty thousand1 #bac2 a wife should be a companion1 #bbh2 on sickness1 #bdf2 ,tetty1 #bfc4 ,keats1 #ib4 ,kemble1 ,frances1 on feminine fashion1 #ade2 on domestic economy1 #bbd4 ,kingsley1 ,canon1 sketch of as a father1 #age-h2 letter to his wife1 #bed4 ,lady1 ,story of a deaf and dumb1 #aeb2 a ,scotch1 #i1 #ga1 #ij2 an old1 on the loss of children1 #aec4 ,laird1 ,a ,scotch1 answer of1 to his butler1 #bcj4 ,lamb1 ,charles1 and his sister1 #id2 on children1 #aeb4 ,landels1 ,dr41 describes a husband1 #ib4 ,lansdell1 ,dr41 tells of an ancient ,russian custom1 #ii2 of a convict servant1 #acc4 ,laugh and be well1 #aii4 ,leg1 a well-formed and a crooked1 #fa4 ,legend1 ,an old heathen1 #bcb4 ,levite1 ,an humble-minded1 #ahg4 ,little things1 effect of1 on happiness1 #d1 #g1 #aic1 #bda4 ,locke1 ,john1 on keeping accounts1 #abe4 ,longfellow1 his lines to a child1 #aed4 ,lottery1 ,is marriage a8 #dc4 ,luther1 his estimate of marriage1 and of his wife1 #af1 #bc2 letter to his little boy1 #ahj-a4 ,macaulay1 ,lord1 at home1 #bdb4 ,macdonald1 ,george1 his lines on ,the ,baby1 #afj4 ,maginn1 his answer1 #abf4 ,martineau1 ,harriet1 and her servants1 #ace4 ,maurice1 ,rev4 ,f4 ,d41 answer of1 #ih4 ,mayoralty of ,paris1 ,marriage at1 #gc4 ,milan1 ,cathedral of1 inscriptions over the doorways1 #bfi4 ,mill1 ,john ,stuart1 dedication of his essay ,on ,liberty1 #bi4 ,minister1 ,a ,scotch1 #aj1 #dc1 #fg1 #gf1 #aai1 #bae1 #bee4 ,money1 ,do not marry for1 #ce2 necessary for marriage1 #aai2 we should be careful but not penurious1 #abb2 ,spent it all1 #abc2 a wife's allowance1 #abd4 ,monotony makes men fractious1 #bje4 ,moore1 ,sir ,john1 on the lottery of marriage1 #dc4 ,more1 ,sir ,thomas1 his home1 #fi4 ,morton1 ,sir ,albert1 grief of his wife for him1 #bfb4 ,mothers1 true and false love of1 #afg2 their instruction never lost1 #afh4 ,nabal and ,abigail1 #ei4 ,nagging often caused by ennui1 #bcj4 ,napier1 ,sir ,charles1 benefited by hard work1 #bdi4 ,napier1 ,lady1 the literary helper of her husband1 #bg4 ,napoleon ,buonaparte on mothers1 #afb2 referred to1 #agc4 ,nasmyth1 ,james1 his married life1 #bef4 ,necker1 ,madame1 ,anecdote of1 #di4 ,nursery-maid1 ,rejoinder of a1 #aej4 ,orkneys and ,shetland1 ,the1 a writer on1 #bfd4 ,parents1 who should and who should not be1 #add2 rules for1 #ahb4 ,pasteur1 ,m41 his marriage1 #gd4 ,payn1 ,mr4 ,james1 asks ,where is the children's fun8 #agd4 ,perthes1 ,caroline1 and her husband1 #bch1 #bef4 ,pitt1 his butcher's bill1 #abj4 ,plato1 his theory about marriage1 #ed2 on just penalties1 #aih4 ,pliny the ,younger1 ,letter of1 #ij4 ,portia1 #ei4 ,praise a positive duty1 #aid4 ,pulpit1 ,suggestion from an ,american1 #e4 ,putting things1 ,the art of1 #bjg4 ,quaker1 ,saying of an old1 #aee4 ,queen1 ,her ,majesty the1 describes the ,prince ,consort1 #bdc4 ,quickly1 ,mrs41 her advice to ,falstaff1 #g4 ,record1 ,the ,sanitary1 enumerates some common mistakes1 #bej4 ,religion required in marriage1 #h1 #gf2 grotesque perversions of1 #ahc4 ,remedy1 ,a very simple1 #bej4 ,reynolds tells of a free-and-easy actor1 #bji4 ,rhodophe1 ,anecdote of1 #ec4 ,richter1 his estimate of a wife1 #bj2 on love1 #ahg2 on childhood1 #aij4 ,robertson 7of ,brighton7 on the drudgery of domestic life1 #gj2 a girl's gratitude for a kind look1 #baj4 ,robinson1 ,professor1 on infancy1 #aei4 ,rochefoucauld1 ,an untrue remark of1 #bee4 ,romilly1 ,sir ,samuel1 his experience1 #cj4 ,sainte-,beuve on family life1 #gj4 ,scotchman1 ,a1 on the ,sabbath1 #ahc4 ,scott1 ,sir ,walter1 ascribed his success to his wife1 and to his mother1 #be1 #afc4 ,seneca quoted1 #fb4 ,sheridan1 his poetical defence of ,lady ,erskine1 #ahi4 ,siddons1 ,mrs41 at home1 #bbg4 ,silence may be an instrument of torture1 #bji4 ,simonides never regretted holding his tongue1 #bjb4 ,smith1 ,michael1 ,letter of1 #bfd4 ,smith1 ,sydney1 his definition of marriage1 #e2 on the rights and feelings of others1 #ahe2 ,all this is the lobster1 #aih2 on late hours1 #beb2 his cheerful spirit1 #bec4 ,smyth1 ,h41 claims ,l#aj1jjj for his murdered wife1 #ca4 ,socrates1 ,quiet remark of1 #fa2 asks for double fees1 #bjb4 ,somerville1 ,mary1 anecdote in the memoirs of1 #h2 a good housekeeper1 #bbg4 ,spencer1 ,herbert1 on preparation for parenthood1 #adj1 #adc2 on physical sins1 #bec4 ,sterne1 on the best of men1 #fa2 answers ,smelfungus1 #bdf4 ,steward1 ,a ,scotch1 answer of1 #ce4 ,stratocles a woman-hater1 #ae4 ,submission1 ,cheerful1 of the poor1 #aig4 ,sussex1 labourer1 a1 asks a question1 #abh4 ,sutherland1 ,duke of1 believes he is going to be married1 #gb4 ,swift and his cook1 #eh2 letter to a young lady1 #abf2 his answer to a ,dublin lady1 #abg2 reason why so few marriages are happy1 #bbb4 ,talmud1 ,the ,jewish1 on the treatment of women1 #ahf4 ,taylor1 ,jeremy1 on choice in matrimony1 #de2 offences to be avoided by the newly-married1 #ajb2 on children1 #adg2 a quaint illustration1 #bbj2 on the dominion of a husband1 #bci4 ,thackeray1 on the sort of wives men want1 #da2 on hard work1 #bdi4 ,thrale1 ,mrs41 letter of1 #ed4 ,trollope describes the idea women have of men1 #cj2 ,mrs4 ,proudie's death1 #bff4 ,trouble1 how it may be effaced1 #aif-h4 ,walpole1 ,sir ,robert1 saying of1 #ahh4 ,ward1 ,artemus1 and ,betsy ,jane1 #ej2 introduced to ,brigham ,young's mother-in-law1 #aji4 ,webster1 what he thought of marriage1 #ff4 ,weinsberg1 women remove their valuables from1 #ca4 ,weller1 ,mr41 on matrimony as a teacher1 #ff4 ,wellington1 ,duke of1 on paying bills1 #abe2 his cook1 #acf4 ,wesley1 ,mrs41 as a mother1 #afe4 ,westminster ,abbey1 ,gravestone in ,cloisters of1 #adh4 ,wheatly on the wedding-ring1 #gh4 ,wife1 ,a good1 more than a cook and housekeeper1 #bbh2 requires change and recreation1 #bbi1 #bdj4 ,wilberforce1 ,miss1 #bba4 ,wilde1 ,oscar1 on the photographs of relations1 #aae4 ,wish1 ,the old wedding1 #bab4 ,woman1 ,definitions of1 #cg1 #bbb1 #bcd2 value of her advice1 #bci4 ,word1 ,the last1 what is the use of8 #bjd4 ,word-battles1 ,matrimonial1 #bjf4 ,wordsworth1 ,anecdote of1 #ca4 ,young1 ,brigham1 his doctrine1 #ai2 his mother-in-law--how many8 #aji4 ,,unwin ,,brothers1 ,,printers1 ,,chilworth ,,and ,,london4 ,,catalogue ,,of ,,new ,,and ,,recent ,,books ,,published ,,by ,,mr4 ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin4 ,london3 #bf1 ,,paternoster ,,square4 #ahhf-g4 ,,mr4 ,,unwin takes pleasure in sending herewith a ,catalogue of ,books published by him4 ,as each ,new ,edition of it is issued1 it will be sent post free to ,booksellers1 ,libraries1 ,book ,societies1 and ,book ,buyers generally--a register being kept for that purpose4 ,book ,buyers are requested to order any ,books they may require from their local ,bookseller4 ,should any difficulty arise1 the ,publisher will be happy to forward any ,book1 ,,carriage ,,free1 to any ,country in the ,postal ,union1 on receipt of the price marked in this list1 together with full ,postal ,address4 ,customers wishing to present a book to a friend can send a card containing their name and a dedication or inscription to be enclosed1 and it will be forwarded to the address given4 ,remittances should be made by ,money ,order1 draft on ,london1 registered letter1 or half-penny stamps4 ,after perusal of this ,catalogue1 kindly pass it on to some ,book-buying friend4 ,,catalogue ,,of ,,mr4 ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin',s ,,publications4 ,autumn-,christmas ,season1 #ahhf4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,historia ,,sanctae ,,crucis4 ,with ,illustrations4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,legendary ,,history ,,of ,,the ,,cross3 ,a ,series of ,sixty-,four ,woodcuts1 from a ,dutch book published by ,,veldener1 ,a4,d4 #adhc4 ,with an ,introduction written and ,illustrated by ,,john ,,ashton1 and a ,preface by the ,rev4 ,s4 ,,baring-,,gould1 ,m4,a4 ,square #hvo41 bound in parchment1 old style1 brass clasps4 #ajs4 #f;d4 ,the mediaeval romance of the ,cross was very popular4 ,it occurs in a good number of authors1 and is depicted in a good many churches in stained glass4444 ,it would seem that it was made up by some romancer out of all kinds of pre-existing material1 with no other object than to write a religious novel for pious readers1 to displace the sensuous novels which were much in vogue4--,,from ,,the ,,preface4 ,this pictorial version of the ,legend is taken from a work that is now almost unique1 only three copies being known to be in existence4 ,the ,editorial portions contain1 besides a full paraphrase of the woodcuts1 a fac-simile reprint of the ,legend from ,caxton's ,golden ,legends of the ,saints1 also much curious information respecting the early ,history of the ,legend1 the controversies in which it has been involved1 and the question of relics4 ,copies are also given of some ,fifteenth ,century frescoes of ,english workmanship formerly existing at ,stratford-on-,avon4 ,altogether the book forms an interesting memorial of the quaint lore that has gathered round this religious novel of the ,middle ,ages4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,volume ,,of ,,mediaeval ,,romances4 ,,edited ,,by ,,john ,,ashton4 ,,romances ,,of ,,chivalry3 ,told and ,illustrated in ,fac-simile1 by ,,john ,,ashton1 ,author of ,the ,dawn of the ,nineteenth ,century in ,england1 c4 ,forty-six ,illustrations4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth elegant1 gilt tops4 #ahs4 ,the ,,romances ,,of ,,chivalry were the ,novels of the ,middle ,ages1 from the #acth to the #afth centuries4 ,they are highly sensational1 full of incident1 and never prolix4 ,to render these ,romances more interesting to the general reader1 ,mr4 ,ashton has fac-similed a number of the contemporary engravings1 which are wonderfully quaint1 and throw much light on the ,manners and ,costumes of the period4 ,an interesting feature in the book consists in the illustrations1 which are fac-similes done by the author himself1 and done with much success1 from the early engravings4444 ,this is likely to prove a useful and welcome book4--,contemporary ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,legends ,,and ,,popular ,,tales ,,of ,,the ,,basque ,,people4 ,by ,,mariana ,,monteiro4 ,with full-page ,illustrations in ,photogravure by ,,harold ,,copping4 ,fcap4 #dto41 cloth4 #ajs4 #f;d4 ,,contents4 ,i4 ,aquelarre4 ,,ii4 ,arguiduna4 ,,iii4 ,maitagarri4 ,,iv4 ,roland's ,bugle-,horn4 ,v4 ,jaun-,zuria1 ,prince of ,erin4 ,,vi4 ,the ,branch of ,white ,lilies4 ,,vii4 ,the ,song of ,lamia4 ,,viii4 ,virgin of the ,five ,towns4 ,,ix4 ,chaunt of the ,crucified4 ,x4-,,xi4 ,the ,raids4 ,the ,holy ,war4 ,,xii4 ,the ,prophecy of ,lara4 ,,xiii4 ,hurca ,mendi4 ,fine edition of #ajj copies of the above1 medium #dto41 numbered and signed by the ,author1 printed on ,dutch hand-made paper1 with ,india-proofs of the ,photogravures ,l#a #as4 net4 ,deeply interesting4 ,there is much in them that is wierd and beautiful1 much that is uncouth and grotesque4 ,to the student of folk-lore they will be as a mine of newly-discovered wealth4 ,as to the literary merit of the book1 it is by no means inconsiderable4--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,modern ,,hinduism3 ,being an account of the ,religion and ,life of the ,hindus in ,northern ,india4 ,by ,w4 ,j4 ,,wilkins1 of the ,london ,missionary ,society1 ,author of ,hindu ,mythology--,vedic and ,puranic4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #afs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,gift-,,book ,,for ,,girls4 ,,in ,,the ,,time ,,of ,,roses3 ,a ,tale of ,two ,summers4 ,told and ,illustrated by ,,florence and ,,edith ,,scannell1 ,author and ,artist of ,sylvia's ,daughters4 ,thirty-two full-page and other ,illustrations4 ,square ,imp4 #afmo41 cloth4 #es4 ,,contents4 ,capri4--,isolina4--,good-bye1 ,capri4--,the ,yellow ,cottage4--,the ,school ,treat4--,home ,again6--,the ,garden ,party4--,geraldine makes a discovery4--,isolina's ,flight4--,wedding ,bells4 ,a very charming story1 superior in literary style and as food for the mind and the taste to most books written for girls4 ,miss ,edith ,scannell's illustrations are very happy4--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,children',s ,,story-,,book4 ,,prince ,,peerless3 ,a ,fairy-,folk ,story-,book4 ,by the ,hon4 ,,margaret ,,collier 7,madame ,galletti di ,cadilhac71 ,author of ,our ,home by the ,adriatic4 ,illustrated by the ,hon4 ,,john ,,collier4 ,square ,imp4 #afmo41 cloth4 #es4 ,,contents4 ,fairy ,folk4--,the ,great ,snow ,mountain4--,the ,ill-,starred ,princess4--,the ,sick ,fairy4--,two ,fairies4--,the ,shadow ,world4--,prince ,peerless4--,something ,new4 ,simply delightful in style and fancy1 and in its perfect reproduction of the old fairy world4 ,these stories will be a valuable addition to our literature for children2 and will be read with no less enjoyment for their literary and artistic excellence by their elders4 ,the illustrations by the ,hon4 ,john ,collier are artistical and beautiful4--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,boy',s ,,story-,,book4 ,,boys' ,,own ,,stories4 ,by ,,ascott ,r4 ,,hope1 ,author of ,stories of ,young ,adventurers1 ,stories out of ,school ,time1 c4 ,eight ,illustrations4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #es4 ,this is a really admirable selection of genuine narrative and history1 treated with discretion and skill by the author4 ,mr4 ,hope has not gathered his stores from the highway1 but has explored far afield in less-beaten tracks1 as may be seen in his ',adventures of a ,ship boy' and ',a ,smith among ,savages4'--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tales ,,of ,,the ,,caliph4 ,by ,,al ,,arawiyah4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,by ,author of ,how to be ,happy though ,married4 ,,manners ,,makyth ,,man4 ,imp4 #afmo41 cloth1 #fs42 fine edition1 bevelled edges1 in box4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,the ,first ,edition of ,manners ,makyth ,man was exhausted on the day of ,publication4 ,a ,second ,edition is now ready4 ,,extract ,,from ,,preface4--,i am showing my gratitude to the public for their very kind reception of ',how to be ,happy though ,married' by now presenting to them another little book with my best 'manners6' ,it is not a book of etiquette1 for ,i am by no means a master of ceremonies2 nor does the motto of ,winchester ,college1 ',manners ,makyth ,man1' refer to those social rules and forms which are often only substitutes for good manners1 but rather to manners in the old sense of the word which we see in the text1 ',evil communications corrupt good manners4' ,the volume is a bright one1 and should rival its predecessor in popular esteem4--,publishers' ,circular4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,comtist ,,lover1 and ,other ,studies4 ,by ,,elizabeth ,,rachel ,,chapman1 ,author of ,the ,new ,godiva1 ,a ,tourist ,idyl1 c4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #fs4 ,,contents4--,part ,i4--,a ,comtist ,lover3 ,being a ,dialogue on ,positivism and the ,zeitgeist--,the ,extension of the ,law of ,kindness3 ,being an ,essay on the ,rights of ,animals4 ,part ,,ii4--,the ,delphine of ,madame de ,stael--,some ,immortality--,thoughts--,some ,novels of ,william ,black4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,lays ,,of ,a ,,lazy ,,minstrel4 ,,the ,,lazy ,,minstrel4 ,by ,j4 ,,ashby-,,sterry1 ,author of ,boudoir ,ballads1 ,shuttlecock ,papers1 c4 ,with vignette frontispiece4 ,fcap4 #hvo41 cloth1 printed on hand-made paper4 #fs4 ,fine ,edition of #ej copies of the above1 crown #dto41 printed on ,dutch hand-made paper1 each copy numbered and signed by the ,author4 ,l#a #as4 net4 ,emphatically 'nice' in the nicest--the old-fashioned--sense of the word4444 ,altogether1 a delicate little tome4444 ,graceful and1 on occasion1 tender4--,g4 ,a4 ,s41 in ,the ,illustrated ,london ,news1 ,oct4 #ca1 #ahhf 99 99 99 99 99 ,,saint ,,hildred3 ,a ,romaunt in ,verse4 ,by ,,gertrude ,,harraden4 ,illustrated by ,j4 ,,bernard ,,partridge4 ,small crown #hvo4 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,prize ,,book ,,for ,,children4 ,,the ,,bird',s ,,nest1 and ,other ,sermons for ,children of all ,ages4 ,by ,rev4 ,,samuel ,,cox1 ,d4,d41 ,author of ,expositions1 c4 ,imp4 #afmo41 cloth4 #fs4 ,possess a singular charm1 due to their expository character1 to the labour expended upon them by a master-mind1 and to the writer's felicitous style4444 ,a volume which every parent may gladly see in the hands of children1 for whom it will have a great attraction1 and to whose hearts its words cannot fail to win their way4--,church ,sunday ,school ,magazine4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,christian ,,evidences4 ,,the ,,bible ,,and ,,the ,,age2 or1 ,an ,elucidation of the ,principles of a ,consistent and ,verifiable ,interpretation of ,scripture4 ,by ,,cuthbert ,,collingwood1 ,m4,a41 and ,b4,m4 ,oxon41 ,author of ,new ,studies in ,christian ,theology1 c4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #ajs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,berwick ,,hymnal4 ,edited by the ,rev4 ,a4 ,w4 ,,oxford1 ,m4,a41 ,vicar of ,st4 ,luke's1 ,berwick ,street1 ,soho4 ,imp4 #cbmo4 #bs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,parousia4 ,a ,critical ,inquiry into the ,new ,testament ,doctrine of ,our ,lord's ,second ,coming4 ,by the ,rev4 ,j4 ,s4 ,,russell1 ,m4,a4 ,new and cheaper ,edition4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,critical1 in the best sense of the word4 ,unlike many treatises on the subject1 this is a sober and reverent investigation1 and abounds in a careful and instructive exegesis of every passage bearing upon it4--,nonconformist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,anne ,,gilchrist3 ,her ,life and ,writings4 ,edited by ,,herbert ,,harlakenden ,,gilchrist4 ,prefatory ,notice by ,,william ,,michael ,,rossetti4 #aj ,illusts4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 7,in preparation74 #afs4 ,i4 ,ancestry4--,,ii4 ,childhood4--,,iii4 ,schooldays4--,,iv4 ,the ,honeymoon4--,v4 ,the ,first ,home4--,,vi4 ,life at ,chelsea4 ,,vii4 ,a ,letter from ,jane ,carlyle4--,,viii4 ,a ,present from ,jane ,carlyle4--,,ix4 ,dante ,gabriel ,rossetti4--,x4 ,last ,year of ,life at #f1 ,great ,cheyne ,row4--,,xi ,jane ,welsh ,carlyle writes to her ,neighbour4--,,xii4 ,shottermill4--,,xiii4 ,letter from ,dante ,gabriel ,rossetti4--,,xiv4 ,last ,letter from ,jane ,welsh ,carlyle4--,,xv4 ,letter from ,christian ,g4 ,rossetti4--,,xvi4 ,letter from ,christian ,g4 ,rossetti4--,,xvii4 ,jenny4--,,xviii4 ,george ,eliot4--,,xix4 ,the ,new ,country4--,,xx4 ,the ,return4--,,xxi4 ,mary ,lamb4--,essays4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,nations4 ,the series is likely to be found indispensable in every school library4--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 ,a ,series of ,short ,popular ,histories1 printed in good readable type1 and forming handsome well-bound volumes4 ,crown #hvo41 ,illustrated and furnished with ,maps and ,indexes1 price #es4 each4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,rome4 ,by ,,arthur ,,gilman1 ,m4,a41 ,author of ,a ,history of the ,american ,people1 c4 ,second ,edition4 ,we heartily commend this volume4--,schoolmaster4 ,a clear and complete view of the rise and progress of the ,roman nation4--,congregationalist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,jews3 ,in ,ancient1 ,mediaeval1 and ,modern ,times4 ,by ,prof4 ,j4 ,k4 ,,hosmer4 ,the story of the ,jews1 when well told1 as it is here1 is one of thrilling satisfaction1 and fruitful in instruction4--,educational ,times4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,germany4 ,rev4 ,s4 ,,baring-,,gould1 ,author of ,curious ,myths of the ,middle ,ages1 c4 ,mr4 ,baring-,gould tells his stirring tale with knowledge and perspicuity4 ,he is a thorough master of his subject4--,globe4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,carthage4 ,by ,prof4 ,,alfred ,j4 ,,church1 ,author of ,stories from the ,classics1 c4 ,a trustworthy and well-balanced delineation of the part played by ,carthage in ,european history4444 ,the illustrations are numerous and have considerable archaeological interest4--,scotsman4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,alexander',s ,,empire4 ,by ,prof4 ,j4 ,p4 ,,mahaffy1 ,author of ,social ,life in ,greece1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,moors ,,in ,,spain4 ,by ,,stanley ,,lane ,,poole1 ,author of ,studies in a ,mosque1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,hungary4 ,by ,prof4 ,,vambery1 ,author of ,travels in ,central ,asia1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,egypt4 ,by ,prof4 ,,geo4 ,,rawlinson1 ,author of ,the ,five ,great ,monarchies of the ,world1 c4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,spain4 ,by ,rev4 ,e4 ,e4 and ,,susan ,,hale4 99 99 99 99 99 ,other ,volumes in preparation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,political ,,works4 ,,ireland ,,and ,,home ,,rule4 ,,the ,,making ,,of ,,the ,,irish ,,nation3 ,,and ,,the ,,first-,,fruits ,,of ,,federation4 ,,by ,j4 ,a4 ,,partridge1 ,author of ,democracy3 ,its ,factors and ,conditions1 ,from ,feudal to ,federal1 c4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #fs4 ,this is a complete handbook on the ,irish question4444 ,the whole case is stated by ,mr4 ,partridge in the clearest and most cogent fashion4 ,as a piece of literary workmanship1 the book is for the most part of the highest class4 ,the style is lofty1 the tone is often passionate and extreme1 but the argumentation is throughout sound4--,lancaster ,guardian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,labour1 ,,land1 ,,and ,,law3 ,a ,search for the ,missing ,wealth of the ,working ,poor4 ,by ,,william ,a4 ,,phillips1 ,member of the ,committee on ,public ,lands1 ,forty-third ,congress1 and on ,banking and ,currency1 ,forty-fifth ,congress4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #is4 ,he writes in a clear1 brisk ,american style1 which leaves his readers in no doubt as to what he means4 ,he is evidently a man of considerable ability and a student of social and economical problems4444 ,there is a great deal of statistical information to be found in ',labour1 ,land1 and ,law4'--,st4 ,james's ,gazette4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,balkan ,,peninsula4 ,by ,m4 ,,emile ,,de ,,laveleye4 ,translated by ,mrs4 ,,thorpe4 ,edited and ,revised for the ,english public by the ,author4 ,with a new chapter bringing events up to date4 #hvo41 cloth4 ,in preparation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,bride ,,of ,,greenlawns2 or1 ,william ,woodman's ,trust4 ,a ,parable of ,mr4 ,gladstone and ,ireland4 ,fcap4 #hvo4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dottings ,,of ,a ,,dosser4 ,being ,revelations of the ,inner ,life of ,low ,london ,lodging ,houses4 ,by ,,howard ,j4 ,,goldsmid4 ,fcap4 #hvo4 #as4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,editions4 ,,bridal ,,gift ,,edition ,,of ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,happy ,,though ,,married4 ,being a ,handbook to ,marriage4 ,by a ,graduate in the ,university of ,matrimony4 ,imp4 #afmo41 white vellum cloth1 extra gilt1 bev4 boards1 gilt edges1 in box4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,fifth and ,popular ,edition4 ,small square #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,we strongly recommend this book as one of the best of wedding presents4 ,it is a complete handbook to an earthly ,paradise1 and its author may be regarded as the ,murray of ,matrimony and the ,baedeker of ,bliss4--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 ,the author has successfully accomplished a difficult task in writing a clever and practical book on the important subject of matrimony4444 ,this book1 which is at once entertaining and full of wise precepts1 deserves to be widely read4--,morning ,post4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,charles ,,dickens ,,as ,i ,,knew ,,him3 ,the ,story of the ,reading ,tours in ,great ,britain and ,america 7#ahff-ahgj74 ,by ,,george ,,dolby4 ,new and cheaper edition4 ,crown #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,will certainly be read with interest by all who admire the great writer4--,daily ,telegraph4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,dawn ,,of ,,the ,,nineteenth ,,century ,,in ,,england3 ,a ,social ,sketch of the ,times4 ,by ,,john ,,ashton1 ,author of ,social ,life in the ,reign of ,queen ,anne1 c4 ,cheaper ed41 in #a vol4 ,illus4 ,la4 cr4 #hvo41 #ajs4 #f;d4 ,the book is one continued source of pleasure and interest1 and opens up a wide field for speculation and comment4 ,no one can take it up in a moody moment without losing much of his discontent1 and many of us will look upon it as an important contribution to contemporary history1 not easily available to others than close students1 and not made into its pleasing and entertaining form without a literary skill which is not by any means common4--,antiquary4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,new and ,cheaper ,edition 7being the ,fifth7 of ,,the ,,lives ,,of ,,robert ,,mary ,,moffat4 ,by their ,son1 ,,john ,,smith ,,moffat4 ,with ,new ,preface and ,supplementary ,chapter by the ,author4 ,four ,portraits1 ,four ,illustrations 7two of which are new71 and ,two ,maps4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,presentation ,edition4 ,full gilt elegant1 bevelled boards1 gilt edges1 in box4 #ajs4 #f;d4 ,an inspiring record of calm1 brave1 wise work1 and will find a place of value on the honoured shelf of missionary biography4 ,the biographer has done his work with reverent care1 and in a straightforward unaffected style4--,contemporary ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,studies ,,of ,,the ,,eighteenth ,,century ,,in ,,italy4 ,by ,,vernon ,,lee1 ,author of ,ottilie1 c4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,these studies show a wide range of knowledge of the subject1 precise investigation1 abundant power of illustration1 and healthy enthusiasm4444 ,the style of writing is cultivated1 neatly adjusted1 and markedly clever4--,saturday ,review4 ,a singularly delightful and very able volume4--,westminster ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,euphorion3 ,studies of the ,antique and the ,mediaeval in the ,renaissance4 ,by ,,vernon ,,lee1 ,author of ,belcaro1 c4 ,cheap ,edition in one volume4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,the book is bold1 extensive in scope1 and replete with well-defined and unhackneyed ideas1 clear impressions1 and vigorous and persuasive modes of writing4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,belcaro3 ,being ,essays on ,sundry ,a,esthetical ,questions4 ,by ,,vernon ,,lee1 ,author of ,euphorion1 ,baldwin1 c4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #es4 ,this way of conveying ideas is very fascinating1 and has an effect of creating activity in the reader's mind which no other mode can equal4 ,from first to last there is a continuous and delightful stimulation of thought4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,poets ,,in ,,the ,,garden4 ,by ,,may ,,crommelin1 ,author of ,joy1 ,in the ,west ,countrie1 c4 ,cheap and ,popular ,edition1 with ,coloured ,frontispiece4 ,square pott #afmo41 cloth binding4 #fs4 ,this edition is printed on a thinner paper1 and more simply bound4 ,the text1 however1 is identical with the half-guinea edition4 ,decidedly a happy idea4444 ,the volume is finely printed1 and gracefully designed4--,times4 ,merely to describe this book is to write its commendation4 ,it is an anthology in double sense4--,academy4 ,still on sale1 a few copies of the ,first ,edition1 containing ,eight ,coloured ,illustrations4 ,square pott #afmo41 cloth elegant1 fine paper1 gilt edges1 bev4 boards4 #ajs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,popular ,,edition ,,of ,,the ,,shah ,,nameh4 ,,heroic ,,tales4 ,retold from ,firdusi the ,persian4 ,by ,,helen ,,zimmern1 ,author of ,stories in ,precious ,stones1 c4 ,with ,etchings by ,l4 ,,alma ,,tadema1 and ,prefatory ,poem by ,e4 ,w4 ,,gosse4 ,pop ,ed4 ,cr4 #hvo41 cl4 extra1 #es4 ,charming from beginning to end4444 ,miss ,zimmern deserves all credit for her courage in attempting the task1 and for her marvellous success in carrying it out4--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,diary ,,of ,,golden ,,thoughts ,,for ,,the ,,year4 ,new edition1 interleaved with ruled paper4 ,can be used as a ,birthday and ,event ,book of the ,home ,life4 ,cloth boards1 #bs42 ,parchment4 #as4 #f;d4 ,a little oblong book1 very daintily and tastefully got-up1 containing admirably selected brief extracts from great writers4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,roll ,,of ,,golden ,,thoughts ,,for ,,the ,,year2 or1 ,permanent ,diary of ,wise ,sayings from the ,best ,writers of all ,times and ,climes4 ,contents identical with the above1 but arranged in oblong shape4 ,mounted on gilt wire1 and suspended by ribands4 #as4 #f;d4 ,choicely and delicately produced4--,christian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,fairy ,,tales ,,from ,,brentano4 ,told in ,english by ,,kate ,,freiligrath ,,kroeker4 ,twenty-two ,illustrations by ,f4 ,,carruthers ,,gould4 ,cheap and ,popular ,edition4 ,square ,imp4 #afmo4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,the extravagance of invention displayed in his tales will render them welcome in the nursery4 ,the translation--not an easy task--has been very cleverly accomplished4--,the ,academy4 ,an admirable translator in ,madame ,kroeker1 and an inimitable illustrator in ,mr4 ,carruthers ,gould4--,truth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,when ,i ,,was ,a ,,child2 or1 ,left ,behind4 ,by ,,linda ,,villari1 ,author of ,on ,tuscan ,hills1 c4 ,illustrated4 ,square #hvo41 cloth1 gilt edges4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,it is fresh and bright from the first chapter to the last4--,morning ,post4 ,a very clever1 vivid and realistic story4--,truth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,southwood3 ,a ,tale4 ,by ,,catharine ,,sturge1 ,compiler of ,a ,diurnal for the ,changes and ,chances of this ,mortal ,life1 c4 ,frontispiece4 ,sm4 cr4 #hvo41 #bs4 #f;d4 ,a thoroughly healthy and well-written tale4 ,the plot is very good4--,presbyterian ,messenger4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,children',s ,,bouquet ,,of ,,verse ,,and ,,hymn4 ,gathered by ,,aunt ,,sarah and ,,cousin ,,grace4 #cbmo41 red edges1 cloth elegant1 or wood3 maple1 cedar1 walnut1 or cycamore4 #as4 ,love for the little ones has clearly been at work in the making of this selection good taste as well1 and a most catholic sympathy4--,christian ,leader4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,novels4 ,,fortune',s ,,buffets ,,and ,,rewards4 ,three vols4 ,crown #hvo4 7,in ,november7 #cas4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,touchstone ,,of ,,peril3 ,a ,tale of the ,indian ,mutiny4 ,by ,,dudley ,,hardress ,,thomas4 ,two vols4 ,crown #hvo4 ,l#a #as4 ,amusing and exciting4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,year ,,in ,,eden4 ,by ,,harriet ,,waters ,,preston4 ,two vols4 ,crown #hvo4 7,in ,november7 ,l#a #as4 99 99 99 99 99 ,recent ,novels4 ,two ,volumes4 ,price ,l#a #as4 each4 ,,camilla',s ,,girlhood4 ,by ,,linda ,,villari4 ,brightly written4444 ,it is from first to last a favourable and pure-toned specimen of ,anglo-,italian fiction4--,morning ,post4 ,,the ,,bachelor ,,vicar ,,of ,,newforth4 ,by ,mrs4 ,a4 ,,harcourt-,,roe4 ,bright and readable4--,athenaeum4 ,,ichabod3 ,a ,portrait4 ,by ,,bertha ,,thomas4 ,it is indubitably the work of a clever woman4--,athenaeum4 ,a ,,noble ,,kinsman4 ,by ,,anton ,,giulio ,,barrili4 ,a good translation of a very pretty story4--,guardian4 ,,jephthah',s ,,daughter4 ,by ,,jane ,h4 ,,spettigue4 ,,the ,,chancellor ,,of ,,the ,,tyrol4 ,by ,,herman ,,schmid4 ,a clever and original story4--,daily ,telegraph4 ,,wilbourne ,,hall4 ,by ,mrs4 ,,caumont4 ,an agreeable novel4--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,henry ,,irving3 in ,england and ,america1 #ahch #ahhd4 ,by ,,frederic ,,daly4 ,vignette ,portrait by ,,ad4 ,,lalauze4 ,second thousand4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra4 #es4 ,mr4 ,daly sets forth his materials with a due sense of proportion1 and writes in a pleasing vein4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,seven ,,ages ,,of ,,man4 ,from ,shakespeare's ,as ,you ,like it4 ,,popular ,,edition4 ,illustrated4 ,sq4 pott #afmo41 cl4 elegant1 bev4 boards1 gilt edges4 #es4 ,strongly contrast the old and new style of engraving4444 ,the various artists have all been well chosen4--,graphic4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,and ,,recent ,,novels ,,at ,,six ,,shillings4 ,large ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 ,,melita3 ,a ,turkish ,love-,story4 ,by ,,louise ,m4 ,,richter4 ,her story is interesting on its own account2 but its background of ,turkish life and character gives it an additional charm of freshness4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,merciful ,,or ,,merciless8 ,by ,,stackpool ,e4 ,o',,dell1 ,author of ,old ,st4 ,margaret's4 ,animated pictures of nature ,easy lightness of style4--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,last ,,stake3 ,a ,tale of ,monte ,carlo4 ,by ,,madame ,r4 ,,foli4 ,illustrated4 ,madame ,foli's graphic narrative will do much to lift the veil from the horrors and seductions of the gaming tables of ,monte ,carlo4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,tarantella3 ,a ,romance4 ,by ,,mathilde ,,blind1 ,author of ,life of ,george ,eliot4 ,second edition4 ,told with great spirit and effect1 and shows very considerable power4--,pall ,mall4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,valentino4 ,by ,,william ,,waldorf ,,astor4 ,a remarkable historical romance ,forcibly written4--,morning ,post4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,gladys ,,fane3 ,the ,story of ,two ,lives4 ,by ,t4 ,,wemyss ,,reid4 ,fourth and popular edition4 ,a good and clever book1 which few readers who begin it are likely to put down unfinished4--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,amazon3 ,an ,art ,novel4 ,by ,,carl ,,vosmaer4 ,preface by ,prof4 ,,georg ,,ebers1 and ,front4 drawn specially by ,l4 ,,alma ,,tadema1 ,r4,a4 ,it is a work full of deep1 suggestive thought4--,the ,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,major ,,frank3 ,a ,novel4 ,by ,a4 ,l4 ,g4 ,,bosboom-,,toussaint4 ,trans4 from the ,dutch by ,,jas4 ,,akeroyd4 ,it is a pleasant1 bright1 fresh book4--,truth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,poison ,,tree3 ,a ,tale of ,hindu ,life by ,bengal4 ,by ,b4 ,,chandra ,,chatterjee4 ,introduction in ,,edwin ,,arnold1 ,m4,a41 ,c4,s4,i4 ,the healthiness and purity of tone throughout the book4--,academy4 ,,the #ds4 #f;d4 ,,series ,,of ,,novels4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 ,,asserted ,,but ,,not ,,proved2 or1 ,struggles to ,live4 ,by ,a4 ,,bower4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,francis3 ,a ,socialistic ,romance4 ,being for the most part an ,idyll of ,england and ,summer4 ,by ,m4 ,,dal ,,vero1 ,author of ,a ,heroine of the ,commonplace4 ,a very bright1 cheery and pretty story4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,last ,,meeting3 ,a ,story4 ,by ,,brander ,,matthews1 ,author of ,the ,theatres of ,paris1 c4 ,mr4 ,brander ,matthews' new novel is one of the pleasantest and most entertaining books that ,i have read for some time4 ,there is vigorous character-drawing2 and the characters are1 for the most part1 men and women in whose company one is pleased to pass the time4 ,there are many clever and shrewd remarks1 considerable humour1 and some wit4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,lost ,,son4 ,by ,,mary ,,linskill1 ,author of ,hagar1 ,between the ,heather and the ,northern ,sea1 c4 ,the book's doctrine is wholesome1 and its religion free from any trace of cant4--,spectator4 ,miss ,linskill not only shows a quick power of observation1 but writes with good taste and without affectation4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,beckside ,,boggle1 and ,other ,lake ,country ,stories4 ,by ,,alice ,,rea4 ,illustrated4 ,the interest of the volume lies in its evidently faithful reproduction of ,lake ,country speech character1 and manners4444 ,a pleasant one and wholesome4--,graphic4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,two ,,volumes ,,of ,,short ,,stories4 ,,tales ,,in ,,the ,,speech-,,house4 ,by ,,charles ,,grindrod1 ,author of ,plays from ,english ,history1 c4 ,illustrated4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #fs4 ,we can say honestly to everyone who can lay hands on them--,read them4--,scotsman4 ,sweetly and powerfully told4--,manchester ,guardian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,queen ,,of ,,the ,,arena1 ,,and ,,other ,,stories4 ,by ,,stewart ,,harrison4 ,illust4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #fs4 ,major ,harrison has a fresh and lively style1 he is so far from being tedious that he rather tends to the opposite extreme1 and he shows considerable versatility of powers1 with an extensive knowledge of the world4--,times4 ,,vernon ,,lee',s ,,works4 ,,baldwin3 ,being ,dialogues on ,views and ,aspirations4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #abs4 ,worth careful study from more than one side4 ,it has a message for all people1 to which only indolence or indifference can be deaf4444 ,the subjects proposed are discussed courageously and conscientiously1 and often with a compression and force which fills part of the book with pregnant suggestion4444 ,one cannot read a page of ',baldwin' without feeling the wiser for it4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,euphorion3 ,studies of the ,antique and the ,mediaeval in the ,renaissance4 ,cheap ed4 ,derm #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,the book is bold1 extensive in scope1 and replete with well-defined and unhackneyed ideas1 clear impressions1 and vigorous and persuasive modes of writing4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,studies ,,of ,,the ,,eighteenth ,,century ,,in ,,italy4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,these studies show a wide range of knowledge of the subject1 precise investigation1 abundant power of illustration1 and healthy enthusiasm4444 ,the style of writing is cultivated1 neatly adjusted1 and markedly clever4--,saturday ,review4 ,a singularly delightful and very able volume4--,westminster ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,belcaro3 ,being ,essays on ,sundry ,a,esthetical ,questions4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #es4 ,this way of conveying ideas is very fascinating1 and has an effect of creating activity in the reader's mind which no other mode can equal4 ,from first to last there is a continuous and delightful stimulation of thought4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ottilie3 ,an ,eighteenth ,century ,idyl4 ,square #hvo41 cloth extra4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,a graceful little sketch4444 ,drawn with full insight into the period described4--,spectator4 ,pleasantly and carefully written4444 ,the ,author lets the reader have a glimpse of ,germany in the ',sturm und ,drang' period4--,athenaeum4 ,a graceful little picture4444 ,charming all through4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,prince ,,of ,,the ,,hundred ,,soups3 ,a ,puppet ,show in ,narrative4 ,edited1 with a ,preface by ,,vernon ,,lee4 ,illust4 ,cheaper edition4 ,square #hvo41 cloth4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,there is more humour in the volume than in half-a-dozen ordinary pantomimes4--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,summer3 ,from the ,journal of ,,henry ,d4 ,,thoreau4 ,edited by ,h4 ,g4 ,o4 ,,blake4 ,index4 ,map4 ,cr4 #hvo41 #gs4 #f;d4 ,a most delightful book4--,times4 ,as pleasant a book as can well be imagined4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,echetlus3 ,considerations upon ,culture in ,england4 ,by ,,george ,,whetenall4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #ds4 #f;d4 ,very thoughtful1 earnest1 and exceedingly clever4444 ,there is an unquestionable streak of genius in the composition of this small work4--,christian ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,life and ,,times ,,of ,,william ,,lloyd ,,garrison1 #ahje-ahdj3 ,the ,story of ,his ,life told by ,his ,children4 ,in two vols41 with upwards of #bj ,portraits and ,illustrations4 ,demy #hvo4 ,l#a #ajs4 ,the prime mover in the cause of ,abolition well deserved an exhaustive biography1 and ,english ,literature can well afford to assign a permanent and honourable place to the description of a man who accomplished a great work1 and whose right to figure among such men as ,wilberforce1 ,clarkson1 ,brougham1 and others cannot for a moment be disputed4--,times4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ole ,,bull3 ,a ,memoir4 ,by ,,sara ,c4 ,,bull4 ,with ,ole ,bull's ,violin ,notes and ,dr4 ,a4 ,b4 ,crosby's ,anatomy of the ,violinist4 ,portraits4 ,second edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,full of good stories4 ,it is difficult to know where to choose4--,saturday ,review4 ,a word of commendation must be offered to the young widow of this distinguished musician for the tact and ability displayed in compiling and arranging the work4--,morning ,post4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,life ,,times ,,of ,,samuel ,,bowles1 ,editor of ,the ,springfield ,republican4 ,by ,,geo4 ,s4 ,,merriam4 ,portrait4 #b vols4 ,crown #hvo4 ,l#a #as4 ,its pictures of ,american journalism1 so closely interwoven with party struggles1 render it a contribution of some interest to the history of the ,union during some of its most critical times4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,pilgrim ,,sorrow4 ,by ,,carmen ,,sylvia 7,the ,queen of ,roumania74 ,translated by ,,helen ,,zimmern1 ,author of ,the ,epic of ,kings4 ,portrait-etching by ,,lalauze4 ,square ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra4 #es4 ,for this nature of literature the ,queen appears to have a special gift4444 ,and never has she been happier than in her ,liedens ,erdengang1 which lies before us to-day4--,literary ,world 7,review of the ,german edition74 99 99 99 99 99 ,,on ,,tuscan ,,hills ,,and ,,venetian ,,waters4 ,by ,,linda ,,villari1 ,author of ,camilla's ,girlhood1 c4 ,illust4 ,square ,imperial #afmo4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,next to the privilege of visiting these localities1 this book is the best thing1 and no expense has been spared in making the volume an artistic success4--,bookseller4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,london ,,and ,,elsewhere4 ,by ,,thomas ,,purnell1 ,author of ,literature and its ,professors1 c4 ,fcap4 #hvo4 #as4 ,the book is admirably adapted to the season--light in topic and bright in manner1 readable from first to last1 and unlike most holiday literature1 worth keeping after it has been read4--,globe4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,expository ,,works ,,by ,,rev4 ,s4 ,,cox4 ,,expositions4 ,first ,series4 ,dedicated to ,,baron ,,tennyson4 ,third ,thousand4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,we have said enough to show our high opinion of ,dr4 ,cox's volume4 ,it is indeed full of suggestion4444 ,a valuable volume4--,the ,spectator4 ,the ,discourses are well worthy of their ,author's reputation4--,inquirer4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,expositions4 ,second ,series4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,the volume will take rank with the noblest utterances of the day2 not merely because they are eloquent--we have eloquence enough and to spare2 not because they are learned--learning is often labour and sorrow2 but because they will give fresh hope and heart1 new light and faith to many for whom the world is 'dark with griefs and graves4'--,nonconformist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,reality ,,of ,,faith4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,newman ,,smyth1 ,d4,d41 ,author of ,old ,faiths in ,new ,light4 ,third and cheaper ,edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 #ds4 #f;d4 ,they are fresh and beautiful expositions of those deep things1 those foundation truths1 which underlie ,christian faith and spiritual life in their varied manifestations4--,christian ,age4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,reality ,,of ,,religion4 ,by ,,henry ,j4 ,,van ,,dyke1 ,junr41 ,d4,d41 of the ,brick ,church1 ,n4,y4 ,second edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #ds4 #f;d4 ,mr4 ,van ,dyke's volume is sure to bring help and strength to those who are earnestly striving to enter into the realities of spiritual life4--,christian ,leader4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,layman',s ,,study ,,of ,,the ,,english ,,bible ,,considered ,,in ,,its ,,literary ,,and ,,secular ,,aspects4 ,by ,,francis ,,bowen1 ,,ll4,d4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #ds4 #f;d4 ,most heartily do we recommend this little volume to the careful study1 not only of those whose faith is not yet fixed and settled1 but of those whose love for it and reliance on it grows with their growing years4--,nonconformist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,unknown ,,god1 and other ,sermons4 ,by the ,rev4 ,,alexander ,h4 ,,craufurd1 ,m4,a41 ,author of ,seeking for ,light4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #fs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,my ,,study1 and other ,essays4 ,by ,professor ,,austin ,,phelps1 ,d4,d41 ,author of ,the ,theory of ,preaching1 c4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 bev4 edges4 #fs4 ,marked by practical sense and genial1 manly piety1 and the book1 as a whole1 will scarcely be read without interest and profit4--,methodist ,times4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,christ ,,of ,,history4 ,by ,,john ,,young1 ,,ll4,d41 ,author of ,the ,life and ,light of ,men1 c4 ,seventh and ,popular ,edition4 ,crown #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,genesis ,,the ,,third3 ,history1 not ,fable4 ,being the ,merchants' ,lecture for ,march1 #ahhc4 ,by ,,edward ,,white4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 #as42 sewed4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,paying ,,the ,,pastor1 ,unscriptural and ,traditional4 ,by ,,james ,,beaty1 ,d4,c4,l41 ,q4,c41 ,member of the ,canadian ,legislature4 ,crown #hvo4 #fs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,temple3 ,sacred ,poems and ,private ,ejaculations4 ,by ,mr4 ,,george ,,herbert4 ,new ,edition1 with ,introductory ,essay by ,j4 ,,henry ,,shorthouse4 ,fourth edition4 ,small crown1 sheep1 imitation of original binding1 or in paper boards1 old style1 uncut edges4 #es4 ,this is a fac-simile reprint by typography of the ,original ,edition of #afcc4 ,this charming reprint has a fresh value added to it by the ,introductory ,essay of the ,author of ',john ,inglesant4'--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i',,ve ,,been ,a-,,gipsying2 or1 ,rambles among our ,gipsies4 ,by ,,george ,,smith1 of ,coalville4 ,illustrated4 ,new and ,revised edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,mr4 ,smith's sketches of his visits to the gipsies are graphic and varied1 and will1 we trust1 serve to excite a wider interest in the perplexing question of their amelioration1 to which the author has already given yeoman's service4--,contempory ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,adventures ,,of ,,robinson ,,crusoe4 ,by ,,daniel ,,defoe4 ,newly ,edited after the ,original ,editions4 ,twenty ,coloured ,illustrations by ,,kauffman4 ,fcap4 #dto41 cloth extra4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,this is irrefutably the edition of ',robinson ,crusoe' of the season4 ,it is charmingly got-up and illustrated4 ,the type and printing are excellent4--,standard4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,works ,,on ,,missions4 ,,medical ,,missions3 ,their ,place and ,power4 ,by ,,john ,,lowe1 ,f4,r4,c4,s4,e41 ,secretary of ,edinburgh ,medical ,missionary ,society4 ,introduction by ,sir ,,william ,,muir1 ,k4,c4,s4,i41 ,,ll4,d41 ,d4,c4,l4 ,medallion ,frontispiece4 ,second edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #es4 ,it would be almost impossible to speak too favourably of this book4 ,it is beautifully written1 and deserves to be widely circulated4--,presbyterian ,messenger4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,life ,,and ,,work ,,in ,,benares ,,and ,,kumaon1 #ahci-gg4 ,by ,,jas4 ,,kennedy1 ,m4,a41 ,author of ,christianity and the ,religions of ,india4 ,introduction by ,sir ,,wm4 ,,muir1 ,k4,c4,s4,i4 ,illust4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 #fs4 ,of what he saw and did he writes agreeably1 without obtruding the autobiographical form4444 ,the volume is better worth reading than others of much higher literary pretensions4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,modern ,,missions3 ,their ,trials and ,triumphs4 ,by ,,robert ,,young1 ,assistant ,secretary to the ,missions of the ,free ,church of ,scotland4 ,map and ,illustrations4 ,third edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra4 #es4 ,this book should certainly be placed upon the shelves of parish1 congregational1 and ,sunday-school libraries4 ,it is brief and comprehensive4--,christian ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,light ,,in ,,lands ,,of ,,darkness3 ,by ,,robert ,,young1 ,author of ,modern ,missions4 ,illustrated4 ,second edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra4 #fs4 ,to those who have read ',modern ,missions1' it will be sufficient to say that the present work forms a worthy successor to that interesting and well-written book4--,congregationalist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,treasure ,,book ,,of ,,consolation3 ,for all in ,sorrow or ,suffering4 ,compiled and ,edited by ,,benjamin ,,orme1 ,m4,a41 ,editor of ,the ,treasure ,book of ,devotional ,reading4 ,cr4 #hvo41 cl4 extra1 gilt top1 #cs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,shelley ,,birthday ,,book ,,and ,,calendar4 ,compiled by ,j4 ,r4 ,,tutin4 ,crown #afmo41 cloth1 bev4 boards1 gilt edges4 #cs4 ,large paper1 ,royal #afmo4 7only #ajj copies printed71 with proof impressions of the portrait4 #gs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,centenary ,,series4 ,fcap4 #abmo41 antique paper1 parchment boards1 #bs4 each4 ,nos4 #a and #c may also be had in paper covers1 price #as4 each4 #a4 ,,john ,,wiclif1 ,patriot and ,reformer3 his ,life and ,writings4 ,by ,,rudolf ,,buddensieg1 ,lic4 ,theol4 ,leipsic4 ,mr4 ,fisher ,unwin has printed in delicious old text1 with a frontispiece and vellum binding worthy of an old ,elzevir1 ,mr4 ,rudolf ,buddensieg's brief extracts from ,wiclif's writings4444 ,these are full of interest1 and the little volume will be useful for reference4--,graphic4 99 99 99 99 99 #b4 ,,the ,,table ,,talk ,,of ,,dr4 ,,martin ,,luther4 ,by ,prof4 ,,john ,,gibb4 ,deserves the very highest praise4 ,great discrimination has been shown in the choice of extracts1 and considerable skill in the grouping of them under appropriate heads4--,congregationalist4 99 99 99 99 99 #c4 ,,doctor ,,johnson3 ,his ,life1 ,works and ,table ,talk4 ,by ,dr4 ,,macaulay1 ,editor of ,the ,leisure ,hour4 ,an exceedingly pretty little book4444 ,it gives a good taste of quality4--,book ,lore4 ,it is a charming specimen of typography4--,globe4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,about ,,the ,,theatre3 ,essays and ,studies4 ,by ,,william ,,archer1 ,author of ,english ,dramatists of ,to-day1 c4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 bevelled edges1 #gs4 #f;d4 ,theatrical subjects1 from the ,censorship of the ,stage to the most recent phenomena of first nights1 have thoroughly able and informed discussion in ,mr4 ,archer's handsome book4--,contemporary ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,literary ,,landmarks ,,of ,,london4 ,by ,,laurence ,,hutton4 ,second ,edition4 ,crown #hvo41 #gs4 #f;d4 ,it is a volume that everyone should possess who takes an interest in the local associations which ,london is so full of4--,standard4 ,abounds with interesting facts concerning the residence of famous men in the capital4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,charles ,,whitehead3 ,a ,critical ,monograph4 ,by ,h4 ,t4 ,,mackenzie ,,bell4 ,cheap and ,popular edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #es4 ,mr4 ,mackenzie ,bell has done a good service in introducing us to a man of true genius whose works have sunk into mysteriously swift and complete oblivion4--,contemporary ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,new ,,and ,,recent ,,poetry4 ,,an ,,italian ,,garden3 ,a ,book of ,songs4 ,by ,a4 ,,mary ,f4 ,,robinson1 ,author of ,the ,life of ,emily ,bronte1 c4 ,fcap4 #hvo41 parchment1 or half-bound in ,japanese paper4 #cs #f;d4 ,the author has a voice of her own1 and her own vision of the world--not a loud voice1 not a brilliant vision1 but sweet1 tuneful1 and not unsympathetic4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,time ,,and ,,times3 ,ballads and ,lyrics of ,east and ,west4 ,by ,a4 ,,werner1 ,author of ,the ,king of the ,silver ,city4 ,crown #hvo41 paper board style1 #cs4 #f;d4 ,deserves to be widely read1 and will become a favourite with all who read it4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,old ,,year ,,leaves3 ,a ,volume of ,collected ,verse4 ,by ,h4 ,t4 ,,mackenzie ,,bell1 ,author of ,verses of ,varied ,life1 c4 ,cheap edition4 ,crown #hvo4 #es4 ,we have great pleasure1 indeed1 in commending these poems to our readers4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,verses ,,of ,,varied ,,life4 ,by ,h4 ,t4 ,,mackenzie ,,bell1 ,author of ,charles ,whitehead1 c4 ,crown #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,there are some pretty lines and stanzas4--,graphic4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,measured ,,steps4 ,by ,,ernest ,,radford4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #ds4 ,he has imported into his deeper verse the beauty of a half-regretful subtlety and the interest of a real penetration4 ,he can think with fineness and record his thoughts with point4--,frederick ,wedmore1 in ,the ,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,minor ,,poet3 ,and other ,verses4 ,by ,,amy ,,levy4 ,crown #hvo41 paper board style1 uncut edges4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,her idea of the character of ',xantippe' is certainly original1 and several of her shorter pieces are simple1 heartfelt1 and harmonious4--,whitehall ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,hope',s ,,gospel1 and ,other ,poems4 ,by ,,arthur ,,stephens4 ,fcap4 #hvo41 cloth1 bevelled edges4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,this bright little volume is full of the movement and vivacity of a thought that comprehends the charm of progress1 the hopefulness of effort4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,orpheus1 and ,other ,poems4 ,by ,,alfred ,,emery4 ,fcap4 #hvo41 cloth4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,of considerable merit4--,cambridge ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,representative ,,british ,,orations4 ,with ,introductions1 c41 by ,,chas4 ,k4 ,,adams4 #afmo4 ,roxburgh1 gilt tops1 #c vols41 in cloth box4 #aes4 ,the ,volumes may also be had without box4 #acs4 #f;d4 ,these three elegantly printed volumes1 enclosed in a neat box to imitate cloth binding1 comprise an excellent selection of famous speeches4--,daily ,news4 ,at once an invaluable companion to the history of the most important centuries of ,english ,history1 and a fascinating course of study in some of the proudest productions of ,british ,oratory4--,whitehall ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,representative ,,american ,,orations4 ,with ,introductions1 c41 by ,prof4 ,,alexander ,,johnston1 of ,new ,jersey4 #c vols4 #afmo41 ,roxburgh1 gilt tops1 in cloth box4 #aes4 ,by way of conclusion1 we venture once more to strongly recommend it to our readers4 ,it will increase their knowledge of mankind in general1 and will help them to better understand a great and friendly nation4--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,decimal ,,tables1 for ,calculating the ,value of ,government ,stocks and ,annuities1 and of all ,stocks of ,railway and other ,companies where the ,capital is converted into ,stock1 at prices from ,l#ej to ,l#aej for ,l#ajj ,stock 7advancing by eighths74 ,by ,t4 ,m4 ,p4 ,,hughes1 of the ,stock ,department1 ,messrs4 ,williams1 ,deacon ,co4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #abs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,united ,,states ,,notes3 ,a ,history of the various ,issues of ,paper ,money by the ,government of the ,united ,states4 ,by ,,john ,j4 ,,knox4 ,with ,photo-,lithographic ,specimens4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #abs4 ,a very minute historical sketch of the treasury and other notes issued by the ,government4444 ,the book should be carefully studied by those who would understand the subject4--,new ,york ,herald4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,three ,,reforms ,,of ,,parliament3 ,a ,history1 #ahcj-ahhe4 ,by ,,william ,,heaton1 ,editor of ,cassell's ,concise ,cyclopaedia4 ,crown #hvo4 #es4 ,as readable as a novel1 and as instructive as an important chapter of history can well be4--,leeds ,mercury4 ,an admirable and accurate summing-up of the great ,reform movements of the last half-century4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,arminius ,,vambery3 ,his ,life and ,adventures ,written by ,himself4 ,with ,portrait and #ad ,illustrations4 ,fifth and ,popular ,edition4 ,square ,imperial #afmo41 cloth extra4 #fs4 ,a most fascinating work1 full of interesting and curious experiences4--,contemporary ,review4 ,it is partly an autobiographic sketch of character1 partly an account of a singularly daring and successful adventure in the exploration of a practically unknown country4 ,in both aspects it deserves to be spoken of as a work of great interest and of considerable merit4--,saturday ,review4 ,we can follow ,m4 ,vambery's footsteps in ,asia with pride and pleasure2 we welcome every word he has to tell us about the ethnography and the languages of the ,east4--,academy4 ,the character and temperament of the writer come out well in his quaint and vigorous style4444 ,the expressions1 too1 in ,english1 of modes of thought and reflections cast in a different mould from our own gives additional piquancy to the composition1 and indeed1 almost seems to bring out unexpected capacities in the language4--,athenaeum4 ,has all the fascination of a lively romance4 ,it is the confession of an uncommon man3 an intensely clever1 extraordinarily energetic egotist1 well-informed1 persuaded that he is in the right1 and impatient of contradiction4--,daily ,telegraph4 ,the work is written in a most captivating manner1 and illustrates the qualities that should be possessed by the explorer4--,novoe ,vremya1 ,moscow4 ,we are glad to see a popular edition of a book1 which1 however it may be regarded must be pronounced unique4 ,the writer1 the adventures1 and the style are all extraordinary--the last not the least of the three4 ,it is flowing and natural--a far better style than is written by the majority of ,english travellers4--,st4 ,james's ,gazette4 ,over ,eighty other ,english and ,foreign ,periodicals have reviewed this work4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,boys' ,,edition4 ,,arminius ,,vambery3 ,his ,life and ,adventures4 ,written by ,himself4 ,with ,introductory ,chapter dedicated to the ,boys of ,england4 ,portrait and ,seventeen ,illustrations4 ,crown #hvo4 #es4 ,this new edition was prepared by ,m4 ,vambery at the suggestion of several of his ,english friends and critics during his late visit to this country1 that the story of his life was one well adapted to form the subject of a book for boys4 ,he has carefully revised it throughout1 eliminating all political and other matter that would possess but little interest for boys4 ,a new ,introductory ,chapter is added1 giving a more extensive insight into his boy life than the previous volume1 and showing how even the humblest1 poorest1 and most delicate lad can1 with perseverance and industry1 rise to prosperity and renown4 ,it possesses several additional ,illustrations and a new ,portrait of the ,author4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,france ,,and ,,tongking3 ,a ,narrative of the ,campaign of #ahhd1 and the ,occupation of ,further ,india4 ,by ,j4 ,g4 ,,scott 7,,shway ,,yoe71 ,author of ,the ,burman4 ,map and ,two ,plans4 ,demy #hvo4 #afs4 ,very graphic and exceedingly interesting pages4--,spectator4 ,will be perused with interest both by military men and by the general reader4--,globe4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,mahdi1 ,,past ,,and ,,present4 ,by ,prof4 ,,james ,,darmesteter4 ,illustrated4 ,sewed1 #as42 cloth1 #as4 #f;d4 ,pleasant and instructive reading4--,athenaeum4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,introductory ,,studies ,,in ,,greek ,,art4 ,delivered in the ,british ,museum by ,,jane ,e4 ,,harrison1 ,author of ,myths of the ,odyssey in ,art and ,literature1 c4 ,map and #aj ,illusts4 ,square ,imperial #afmo41 #gs4 #f;d4 ,admirable work in every way4 ,the lady has mastered her subject2 she writes a good1 expressive1 moving style2 she has a fine talent of exposition2 she understands1 and her readers have no choice but to understand with her4 ,to students1 not only of ,greek art1 but of art in general1 her book is really indispensable4--,magazine of ,art4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,short ,,history ,,of ,,the ,,netherlands 7,,holland ,,and ,,belgium74 ,by ,,alexander ,,young1 ,author of ,the ,comic and ,tragic ,aspects of ,life1 c4 ,seventy-seven ,illustrations4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #gs4 #f;d4 ,it will be found a very valuable manual of the history of the ,netherlands by all young men who1 for any reason1 have to become students of it4--,spectator4 ,a careful and readable history4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,letters ,,from ,,italy4 ,by ,m4 ,,emile ,,de ,,laveleye4 ,translated by ,mrs4 ,,thorpe4 ,revised by the ,author4 ,portrait of the ,author4 ,crown #hvo4 #fs4 ,read444 the second series of ',letters from ,italy1' lately published by ,e4 de ,laveleye1 a man of ,european fame in regard to political and social economy4--,christian ,world of ,august #bg1 #ahhe1 in leader reviewing the original edition4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,true ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,french ,,dispute ,,in ,,madagascar4 ,by ,capt4 ,s4 ,p4 ,,oliver1 ,f4,s4,a41 ,f4,r4,g4,s41 late ,r4,a41 ,author of ,madagascar and the ,malagasy1 c4 ,with a ,chapter by ,f4 ,w4 ,,chesson1 ,hon4 ,sec4 of the ,malagasy ,committee4 ,map4 ,demy #hvo4 #is4 ,a very straightforward and ungarnished account of the dispute between ,france and ,madagascar4--,contemporary ,review4 ,captain ,pasfield ,oliver's very interesting and informing book4--,nonconformist4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,central ,,asian ,,questions3 ,essays on ,afghanistan1 ,china and ,central ,asia4 ,by ,,demetrius ,c4 ,,boulger1 ,author of ,the ,history of ,china1 c4 ,with ,portrait and ,three ,maps4 ,demy #hvo41 cloth4 #ahs4 ,ought to be read by everybody interested in the ,central ,asian question4444 ,mr4 ,boulger's essays are a magazine of information relating to the people and country of ,central ,asia1 ,afghanistan and ,china4--,,arminius ,,vambery1 in ,the ,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,wreckers ,,of ,,lavernock4 ,by ,,annie ,,jenkyns4 ,crown #hvo4 #es4 ,in delineation of character the authoress is extremely clever4--,schoolmaster4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,roman ,,students2 or1 ,on the ,wings of the ,morning4 ,a ,tale of the ,renaissance4 ,by the ,author of ,the ,spanish ,brothers1 c4 ,illustrated by ,g4 ,p4 ,,jacomb ,,hood4 ,cheaper ed4 ,imp4 #hvo41 cloth1 #ds4 #f;d4 ,one of the best stories of the year4--,british ,quarterly ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,house ,,by ,,the ,,works4 ,by ,,edward ,,garrett1 ,author of ,occupations of a ,retired ,life1 c4 ,frontispiece4 #crd edition4 ,crown #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,settling ,,day3 ,a ,sketch from ,life4 ,by ,,sophie ,,argent4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,a charming story of real life1 and one that is as true to human nature as it is true to facts4--,congregationalist4 ,a pleasant and wholesome little novelette4444 ,it is agreeably written4--,society4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,off ,,duty3 ,stories of a ,parson on ,leave4 ,by ,,charles ,,wright4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth4 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,margaret ,,the ,,moonbeam3 ,a ,tale for the ,young4 ,by ,,cecilia ,,lushington1 ,author of ,over the ,seas and ,far ,away4 ,with ,illustrations by ,m4 ,e4 ,,edwards4 ,second ,edition4 ,small #hvo41 cloth extra1 gilt edges1 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,beauties ,,and ,,frights1 with ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,bobinette4 ,by ,,sarah ,,tytler1 ,author of ,papers for ,thoughtful ,girls1 c4 ,illustrated by ,m4 ,e4 ,,edwards4 ,second edition4 ,small #hvo4 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,starry ,,blossom1 ,,other ,,stories4 ,by ,m4 ,,betham-,,edwards1 ,author of ,minna's ,holiday1 c4 ,illustrated4 ,small #hvo41 cloth extra4 #as4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,lives ,,worth ,,living ,,series ,,of ,,popular ,,biographies4 ,illustrated4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra1 #cs4 #f;d4 per vol4 #a4 ,,leaders ,,of ,,men3 ,a ,book of ,biographies specially written for ,young ,men4 ,by ,h4 ,a4 ,,page1 ,author of ,golden ,lives4 ,fourth edition4 ,mr4 ,page thoroughly brings out the disinterestedness and devotion to high aims which characterise the men of whom he writes4 ,he has done his work with care and good taste4--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 #b4 ,,wise ,,words ,,and ,,loving ,,deeds3 ,a ,book of ,biographies for ,girls4 ,by ,e4 ,,conder ,,gray4 ,sixth edition4 ,a series of brightly-written sketches of lives of remarkable women4 ,the subjects are well chosen and well treated4--,saturday ,review4 99 99 99 99 99 #c4 ,,master ,,missionaries3 ,studies in ,heroic ,pioneer ,work4 ,by ,,alex4 ,h4 ,,japp1 ,,ll4,d41 ,f4,r4,s4,e4 #crd ed4 ,an extremely interesting book4 ,the reader need not be afraid of falling into beaten tracks here4--,the ,guardian4 ,a really excellent and readable book4--,literary ,churchman4 99 99 99 99 99 #d4 ,,labour ,,and ,,victory4 ,by ,a4 ,h4 ,,japp1 ,,ll4,d4 ,memoirs of ,those who ,deserved ,success and ,won it4 ,third edition4 ,we should be glad to see this volume in the hands of thousands of boys and young men4--,leeds ,mercury4 99 99 99 99 99 #e4 ,,heroic ,,adventure3 ,chapters in ,recent ,explorations and ,discovery4 ,illustrated4 ,third edition4 ,gives freshness to the old inexhaustible story of enterprise and discovery by selecting some of the very latest of heroes in this field4--,daily ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,plant ,,life3 ,popular ,papers on the ,phenomena of ,botany4 ,by ,,edward ,,step4 #adh ,illustrations by the ,author4 ,third edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra1 #cs4 #f;d4 ,more delightful reading for the country at this season of the year authors and publishers have not provided for us4--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,way ,,to ,,fortune3 ,a ,series of ,short ,essays1 with ,illustrative ,proverbs and ,anecdotes from many sources4 ,third ,edition4 ,small #hvo42 cloth extra1 #bs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,american ,,dishes1 and ,how to ,cook ,them4 ,by an ,american ,lady4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra1 #bs4 #f;d4 ,a smart little tome4--,g4 ,a4 ,s41 in ,illustrated ,london ,news4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,cup ,,of ,,coffee4 ,illustrated4 ,fcap4 #hvo41 boards1 #as4 ,this pleasant1 gossiping monograph4--,daily ,chronicle4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,quickest ,,guide ,,to ,,breakfast1 ,,dinner ,,and ,,supper4 ,by ,,aunt ,,gertrude4 ,paper boards4 #as4 ,a capital manual for housewives4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,adulterations ,,of ,,food 7,how to ,detect the74 ,by the ,author of ,ferns and ,ferneries4 ,illust4 ,crown #hvo41 sewed4 #i;d4 ,this little work before us offers many useful hints to householders as to the detection of everyday adulteration4--,pall ,mall ,gazette4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,illustrated ,,poetry ,,book for ,young ,readers4 ,small crown #hvo41 cloth1 #bs4 #f;d42 gilt edges1 #cs4 ,it is the best book of the kind which has passed through our hands for some time--,bookseller4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,industrial ,,curiosities3 ,glances ,here and ,there in the ,world of ,labour4 ,written and ,edited by ,,alex4 ,,hay ,,japp1 ,,ll4,d4 ,fourth ed4 ,crown #hvo41 #cs4 #f;d4 ,nowadays boys are so fed upon story books and books of adventure that we welcome a book which tells them something about the facts of the world they live in4--,graphic4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,footprints3 ,nature seen on its ,human ,side4 ,by ,,sarah ,,tytler1 ,author of ,papers for ,thoughtful ,girls1 c4 ,illust4 ,third edition4 ,crown #hvo4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,a book of real worth4--,spectator4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,gudrun1 ,,beowulf1 and ,,roland4 ,with other ,mediaeval ,tales4 ,by ,,john ,,gibb4 ,illust4 ,second and cheaper edition4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth extra #cs4 #f;d4 ,a safer or more acceptable gift-book it would be difficult to find4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,army ,,examination ,,series4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 #bs4 #f;d4 each4 #a4 ,,geometrical ,,drawing3 ,containing ,general ,hints to ,candidates1 ,former ,papers set at the ,preliminary and ,further ,examinations1 and ,four ,hundred ,questions for ,practice in ,scales and ,general ,problems4 ,by ,c4 ,h4 ,,octavius ,,curtis4 ,illustrated4 #b4 ,a ,,manual ,,of ,,french ,,grammar4 ,by ,,le ,,compte ,,de ,,la ,,houssaye1 ,officier de la ,legion d',honneur1 ,french ,examiner for ,military and ,civil ,appointments4 #c4 ,,geography ,,questions3 ,especially adapted for ,candidates preparing for the ,preliminary ,examination4 ,by ,r4 ,h4 ,,allpress1 ,m4,a41 ,trin4 ,coll41 ,camb4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,stops2 or1 ,how to ,punctuate4 ,with ,instructions for ,correcting ,proofs1 c4 ,by ,,paul ,,allardyce4 ,fourth and ,revised edition4 ,demy #afmo41 parchment antique1 #as4 ,we have hardly any words but those of praise to give to his very thoughtful1 very dainty little book --,journal of ,education4 ,we can conceive no more desirable present to a literary aspirant4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,easy ,,lessons ,,in ,,botany4 ,by ,,edward ,,step1 ,author of ,plant ,life4 #abj ,illustrations by ,author4 ,third edition4 ,linen covers4 #g;d4 ,also in two parts1 paper covers1 each4 #c;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,an ,,english ,,grammar ,,for ,,schools4 ,adapted to the ,requirements of the ,revised ,code4 ,in ,three ,parts4 ,price #b;d4 each1 or complete in one cover1 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,adopted by the ,london ,school ,board4 ,,first ,,natural ,,history ,,reader4 ,for ,standard ,,ii4 ,in accordance with the requirements of the ,revised ,code4 ,illustrated4 ,crown #hvo41 cloth1 #i;d4 ,written in a simple and pleasant style4--,school ,guardian4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,poetical ,,reader ,,for ,,the ,,use ,,of ,,schools4 ,illust4 ,in ,two ,parts1 each4 #as4 #c;d4 ,or in sections separately4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,half-,,holiday ,,handbooks3 ,,guides ,,to ,,rambles ,,round ,,london4 ,with ,maps1 ,illustrations1 and ,bicycle ,routes ,crown #hvo41 sewed1 #i;d42 cloth1 #as4 ,i4 ,kingston-on-,thames and district4 ,,ii4 ,round ,reigate4 ,,iii4 ,dorking and district4 ,,iv4 ,round ,richmond4 ,v4 ,geological ,rambles round ,london4 ,,vi4 ,round ,tunbridge ,wells4 ,,vii4 ,greenwich1 ,blackheath and district4 ,,viii4 ,from ,croydon to the ,north ,downs4 ,,ix4 ,bromley1 ,keston district4 ,x4 ,round ,sydenham and ,norwood4 ,,xi4 ,wimbledon1 ,putney and district4 ,we could not do better than consult one of these cheap ,handbooks4444 ,they are well printed1 contain good maps and nice illustrations1 much information for the geologist and botanist1 as well as the antiquarian1 and useful direction for the increasing procession of cyclists4--,times4 ,will be a boon to the weary ,londoner1 anxious to commune with nature4--,the ,inquirer4 ,capital guides to walks in the districts4--,daily ,chronicle4 ,a pleasant and convenient series of books for the guidance of the pedestrian4--,literary ,world4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,dick',s ,,holidays1 and ,what ,he ,did with ,them4 ,by ,,james ,,weston4 ,illustrated4 ,cheaper edition4 ,imperial #dto41 cloth extra4 #cs4 #f;d4 ,this is precisely the book that sensible parents must often have been wanting4444 ,this delightful book4--,academy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,,handbook ,,to ,,the ,,fernery ,,and ,,aquarium4 ,containing ,full ,directions how to ,make1 ,stock ,maintain ,ferneries and ,freshwater ,aquaria4 ,by ,j4 ,h4 ,,martin and ,,james ,,weston4 ,illusts4 ,cr4 #hvo41 cloth1 #as42 paper covers1 #i;d4 ,issued also in two parts1 paper covers1 #f;d4 each4 ,we cordially recommend it as the best little brochure on ferns we have yet seen4 ,its merits far exceed those of much larger and more pretentious works4--,science ,gossip4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,the ,,bath ,,and ,,bathing4 ,by ,dr4 ,j4 ,,farrar1 ,f4,r4,c4,p4,e4 ,crown #hvo41 limp cloth4 #i;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,principles ,,to ,,start ,,with4 ,by ,,isaac ,,watts1 ,d4,d4 ,introduction by ,,thomas ,,binney1 ,d4,d4 ,seventh ,thousand4 #cbmo41 red edges41 cloth elegant1 or in the new wood binding3 maple1 cedar1 walnut1 and sycamore4 #as4 ,a gem in the way of printing and binding1 while the excellence of the short practical precepts offered by the writers can hardly be over-estimated4--,rock4 ,,list ,,of ,,books ,,arranged ,,in ,,order ,,of ,,price4 ,l#a #aas4 #f;d4 ,page ,fortune's ,buffets and ,rewards #ac ,l#a #ajs4 ,life and ,times of ,wm4 ,l4 ,garrison #ag ,l#a #as4 ,a ,noble ,kinsman #ac ,a ,year in ,eden #ac ,bachelor ,vicar1 ,the #ac ,basque ,legends #d ,camilla's ,girlhood #ac ,chancellor of the ,tyrol #ac ,ichabod #ac ,jephthah's ,daughter #ac ,lazy ,minstrel1 ,the #f ,life of ,wm4 ,bowles #ag ,touchstone of ,peril #ac ,wilbourne ,hall #ac #ahs4 ,central ,asian ,questions #be ,romances of ,chivalry #d #afs4 ,anne ,gilchrist #g ,france and ,tongking #bd ,modern ,hinduism #d #aes4 ,american ,orations #bc ,british ,orations #bc #acs4 #f;d4 ,british ,orations #bc #abs4 #f;d4 ,decimal ,tables #bc #abs4 ,baldwin #af ,united ,states ,notes #bc #ajs4 #f;d4 ,basque ,legends #d ,bible and the ,age #g ,dawn of the ,x,i,xth ,century #aj ,legendary ,hist4 of ,cross #c #is4 ,labour1 ,land and ,law #i ,true ,story of the ,french ,dispute in ,madagascar #be #gs4 #f;d4 ,about the ,theatre #ba ,euphorion #aa1 #af ,expositions #ag ,history of ,netherlands #be ,how to be ,happy though ,married #aj ,literary ,landmarks #ba ,lives of ,robert and ,mary ,moffat #aj ,manners ,makyth ,man #f ,ole ,bull #ag ,on ,tuscan ,hills #ag ,parousia1 ,the #g ,robinson ,crusoe #ai ,studies of the ,eighteenth ,century in ,italy #aa1 #af ,studies in ,greek ,art #be ,summer #af #fs4 ,amazon1 ,the #ad ,arminius ,vambery #bd ,bird's ,nest1 ,the #g ,comtist ,lover1 ,a #f ,gladys ,fane #ad ,last ,stake1 ,the #ad ,lazy ,minstrel1 ,the #f ,letters from ,italy #be ,life and ,work in ,benares #bj ,light in ,lands of ,darkness #bj ,major ,frank #ad ,making of the ,irish ,nation #i ,manners ,makyth ,man #f ,melita #ad ,merciful or ,merciless #ad ,my ,study #ai ,paying the ,pastor #ai ,poets in the ,garden #aa ,poison ,tree #ad ,tales in the ,speech ,house #ae ,tarantella #ad ,queen of the ,arena #ae ,unknown ,god #ah #es4 ,arminius ,vambery #bd ,belcaro #aa1 #af ,boys' ,own ,stories #e ,charles ,whitehead #ba ,henry ,irving #ac ,heroic ,tales #aa ,in the ,time of ,roses #e ,medical ,missions #bj ,modern ,missions #bj ,old ,year ,leaves #bb ,pilgrim ,sorrow #ag ,prince ,peerless #e ,seven ,ages of ,man #ac ,story of the ,nations #h ,temple1 ,the #ai ,three ,reforms of ,parlmnt4 #bc ,wreckers of ,lavernock #bf #ds4 #f;d4 ,asserted but not ,proved #ae ,beckside ,boggle1 ,the #ae ,echetlus #af ,francis #ae ,last ,meeting #ae ,layman's ,study of ,bible #ah ,lost ,son1 ,a #ae ,reality of ,faith #ah ,reality of ,religion #ah ,roman ,students #bf #ds4 ,measured ,steps #bb #cs4 #f;d4 ,an ,italian ,garden #bb ,charles ,dickens as ,i ,knew ,him #aj ,christ of ,history #ai ,dick's ,holidays #cj ,fairy ,tales from ,brentano #ab ,footprints #bh ,gudrun #bh ,hope's ,gospel #bb ,house by the ,works #bf ,how to be ,happy though ,married #aj ,industrial ,curiosities #bh ,i've been ,gypsying #ai ,lives ,worth ,living ,series #bg ,minor ,poet1 ,a #bb ,orpheus #bb ,ottilie #af ,prince of the #ajj ,soups #af ,plant ,life #bg ,settling ,day #bf ,shelley ,birthday ,book #bj ,time and ,times #bb ,treasure ,book #bj ,verses of ,varied ,life #bb ,when ,i was a ,child #ab #bs4 #f;d4 ,american ,dishes #bh ,army ,examination ,series #bi ,beauties and ,frights #bf ,illustrated ,poetry ,book #bh ,margaret the ,moonbeam #bf ,off ,duty #bf ,saint ,hildred #f ,southwood #ab ,tales of the ,caliph #e ,way to ,fortune #bg #bs4 ,diary of ,golden ,thoughts #ab ,dr4 ,johnson #ba ,dr4 ,martin ,luther #ba ,john ,wiclif #ba #as4 ,dottings of a ,dosser #i ,half-,holiday ,handbooks #cj ,london and ,elsewhere #ag ,stops #bi #i;d4 ,half-,holiday ,handbooks #cj ,,the ,,century ,,illustrated ,,monthly ,,magazine ,,price #a_/d ,,monthly4 ,with the ,november issue1 which commenced a ,new ,volume1 the publication of ,,the ,,century ,,magazine in this country passed into the hands of ,,mr4 ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin4 ,it is hoped that under the new auspices the ,magazine will not only maintain but increase its popularity with the ,british public4 ,it will be found that the prospective arrangements are more general and ,english in interest than usual4 ,the subject of the ,life of ,lincoln is of world-wide interest4 ,the authors of the two serial novels1 ,,frank ,r4 ,,stockton and ,g4 ,w4 ,,cable1 have established an international reputation4 ,and the papers on ,,english ,,cathedrals1 ,,old ,,chelsea1 and similar subjects which will receive efficient treatment1 both textually and pictorially1 cannot but attract considerable attention in this country4 ,the series of ,,original ,,portraits of prominent ,englishmen1 ,europeans1 and ,americans1 with accompanying descriptive papers1 also appeal to a very wide circle4 ,bound ,volumes for the half year ending with the ,october number may now be obtained1 ,price #aj_/f4 ,cloth ,cases for binding the present or past half-yearly volumes can now be had1 ,price #a_/d4 ,back ,numbers can be supplied2 immediate application is requested from persons desirous of completing their sets4 ,subscriptions will now be booked4 ,single copies1 post free1 #as4 #g;d42 or #ais4 per year1 post free4 ,to be had of all ,booksellers1 ,news ,agents1 and ,bookstalls in town and country4 ,orders and all business communications regarding ,,the ,,century should in future be addressed to ,the ,century ,magazine1 ,t4 ,,fisher ,,unwin1 #bf1 ,paternoster ,sq41 ,london1 ,e4,c4