,,the ,,ladies' ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette1 ,,and ,,manual ,,of ,,politeness4 ,a ,,complete ,,hand ,,book ,,for ,,the ,,use ,,of ,,the ,,lady ,,in ,,polite ,,society4 ,,containing ,,full ,,directions ,,for ,,correct ,,manners1 ,,dress1 ,,deportment1 ,,and ,,conversation2 ,,rules ,,for ,,the ,,duties ,,of ,,both ,,hostess ,,and ,,guest ,,in ,,morning ,,receptions1 ,,dinner ,,companies1 ,,visiting1 ,,evening ,,parties ,,and ,,balls2 ,a ,,complete ,,guide ,,for ,,letter ,,writing ,,and ,,cards ,,of ,,compliment2 ,,hints ,,on ,,managing ,,servants1 ,,on ,,the ,,preservation ,,of ,,health1 ,,and ,,on ,,accomplishments4 ,,and ,,also ,,useful ,,receipts ,,for ,,the ,,complexion1 ,,hair1 ,,and ,,with ,,hints ,,and ,,directions ,,for ,,the ,,care ,,of ,,the ,,wardrobe4 ,,by ,,florence ,,hartley1 ,,author ,,of ,,the ,,ladies' ,,hand ,,book ,,of ,,fancy ,,and ,,ornamental ,,work4 ,,boston3 ,g4 ,w4 ,,cottrell1 ,,publisher1 #cf ,cornhill4 ,entered according to the ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahfj1 by ,g4 ,g4 ,,evans1 in the ,clerk's ,office of the ,district ,court for the ,eastern ,district of ,pennsylvania4 ,,introduction4 ,in preparing a book of etiquette for ladies1 ,i would lay down as the first rule1 ,do unto others as you would others should do to you4 ,you can never be rude if you bear the rule always in mind1 for what lady likes to be treated rudely8 ,true ,christian politeness will always be the result of an unselfish regard for the feelings of others1 and though you may err in the ceremonious points of etiquette1 you will never be impolite4 ,politeness1 founded upon such a rule1 becomes the expression1 in graceful manner1 of social virtues4 ,the spirit of politeness consists in a certain attention to forms and ceremonies1 which are meant both to please others and ourselves1 and to make others pleased with us2 a still clearer definition may be given by saying that politeness is goodness of heart put into daily practice2 there can be no true politeness without kindness1 purity1 singleness of heart1 and sensibility4 ,many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to conceal bad passions and impulses1 and to make a show of possessing virtues not really existing in the heart2 thus1 that politeness is merely hypocrisy and dissimulation4 ,do not believe this2 be certain that those who profess such a doctrine are practising themselves the deceit they condemn so much4 ,such people scout politeness1 because1 to be truly a lady1 one must carry the principles into every circumstance of life1 into the family circle1 the most intimate friendship1 and never forget to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one4 ,this they find too much trouble1 and so deride the idea of being polite and call it deceitfulness4 ,true politeness is the language of a good heart1 and those possessing that heart will never1 under any circumstances1 be rude4 ,they may not enter a crowded saloon gracefully2 they may be entirely ignorant of the forms of good society2 they may be awkward at table1 ungrammatical in speech2 but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound the feelings of another2 they will never be seen making others uncomfortable by seeking solely for their own personal convenience2 they will always endeavor to set every one around them at ease2 they will be self-sacrificing1 friendly1 unselfish2 truly in word and deed1 polite4 ,give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society1 teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life1 and you have a lady1 created by ,god1 only indebted for the outward polish to the world4 ,it is true that society demands this same unselfishness and courtesy1 but when there is no heart in the work1 the time is frittered away on the mere ceremonies1 forms of etiquette1 and customs of society1 and this politeness seeks only its own ends2 to be known as courteous1 spoken of as lady-like1 and not beloved as unselfish and womanly4 ,etiquette exists in some form in all countries1 has existed and will exist in all ages4 ,from the rudest savage who dares not approach his ignorant1 barbarous ruler without certain forms and ceremonies1 to the most polished courts in ,europe1 or the home circles of ,america1 etiquette reigns4 ,true politeness will be found1 its basis in the human heart1 the same in all these varied scenes and situations1 but the outward forms of etiquette will vary everywhere4 ,even in the same scene1 time will alter every form1 and render the exquisite polish of last year1 obsolete rudeness next year4 ,politeness1 being based upon real kindness of heart1 cannot exist where there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth4 ,it is founded upon love of the neighbor1 and a desire to be beloved1 and to show love4 ,thus1 where such pure1 noble feelings do not exist1 the mere forms of politeness become hypocrisy and deceit4 ,rudeness will repel1 where courtesy would attract friends4 ,never by word or action notice the defects of another2 be charitable1 for all need charity4 ,remember who said1 ,let him that is without fault cast the first stone4 ,remember that the laws of politeness require the consideration of the feelings of others2 the endeavor to make every one feel at ease2 and frank courtesy towards all4 ,never meet rudeness in others with rudeness upon your own part2 even the most brutal and impolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy and kindness1 than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence on your part4 ,politeness forbids any display of resentment4 ,the polished surface throws back the arrow4 ,remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted with courtesy1 and that the pain of a refusal may be softened if the manner expresses polite regret4 ,kindness1 even to the most humble1 will never lose anything by being offered in a gentle1 courteous manner1 and the most common-place action will admit of grace and ease in its execution4 ,let every action1 while it is finished in strict accordance with etiquette1 be1 at the same time1 easy1 as if dictated solely by the heart4 ,to be truly polite1 remember you must be polite at all times1 and under all circumstances4 ,,contents4 ,,page ,,chapter ,i4 ,,conversation #aa ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,dress #ba ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,traveling #cd ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,how ,,to ,,behave ,,at ,a ,,hotel #dj ,,chapter ,v4 ,,evening ,,parties--,etiquette for the ,hostess #dd ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,evening ,,parties--,etiquette for the ,guest #ed ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,visiting--,etiquette for the ,hostess #fj ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,visiting--,etiquette for the ,guest #ff ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,morning ,,receptions ,,or ,,calls--,etiquette for the ,hostess #gf ,,chapter ,x4 ,,morning ,,receptions ,,or ,,calls--,etiquette for the ,caller #ha ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,dinner ,,company--,etiquette for the ,hostess #hg ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,dinner ,,company--,etiquette for the ,guest #ig ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,table ,,etiquette #aje ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,the ,,street #aji ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,letter ,,writing #aaf ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,polite ,,deportment ,,and ,,good ,,habits #adb ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,church #aed ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,ball ,,room ,,etiquette--,for the ,hostess #aeh ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,ball ,,room ,,etiquette--,for the ,guest #aff ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,places ,,of ,,amusement #agb ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,accomplishments #agh ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,servants #bcb ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,on ,a ,,young ,,lady',s ,,conduct ,,when ,,contemplating ,,marriage #bdd ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,bridal ,,etiquette #bei ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,hints ,,on ,,health #bfd ,,chapter ,,xxvi4 ,,miscellaneous #bhc ,,receipts4 ,,for ,,the ,,complexion1 c4 #cjc ,,ladies' ,,book ,,of ,,etiquette4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,conversation4 ,the art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities4 ,you must originate1 and you must sympathize2 you must possess at the same time the habit of communicating and of listening attentively4 ,the union is rare but irresistible4 ,none but an excessively ill-bred person will allow her attention to wander from the person with whom she is conversing2 and especially she will never1 while seeming to be entirely attentive to her companion1 answer a remark or question made to another person1 in another group4 ,unless the conversation be general among a party of friends1 confine your remarks and attention entirely to the person with whom you are conversing4 ,steele says1 ,i would establish but one great general rule in conversation1 which is this--that people should not talk to please themselves1 but those who hear them4 ,this would make them consider whether what they speak be worth hearing2 whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say2 and whether it be adapted to the time when1 the place where1 and the person to whom1 it is spoken4 ,be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may be supposed to have any direct reference to events or circumstances which may be painful for your companion to hear discussed2 you may unintentionally start a subject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you may be conversing2 in that case1 do not stop abruptly1 when you perceive that it causes pain1 and1 above all1 do not make the matter worse by apologizing2 turn to another subject as soon as possible1 and pay no attention to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited4 ,many persons will1 for the sake of appearing witty or smart1 wound the feelings of another deeply2 avoid this2 it is not only ill-bred1 but cruel4 ,remember that having all the talk sustained by one person is not conversation2 do not engross all the attention yourself1 by refusing to allow another person an opportunity to speak1 and also avoid the other extreme of total silence1 or answering only in monosyllables4 ,if your companion relates an incident or tells a story1 be very careful not to interrupt her by questions1 even if you do not clearly understand her2 wait until she has finished her relation1 and then ask any questions you may desire4 ,there is nothing more annoying than to be so interrupted4 ,i have heard a story told to an impertinent listener1 which ran in this way3-- ,i saw a fearful sight---- ,when8 ,i was about to tell you2 last ,monday1 on the train---- ,what train8 ,the train from ,b----4 ,we were near the bridge---- ,what bridge8 ,i will tell you all about it1 if you will only let me speak4 ,i was coming from ,b---- ,last ,monday1 did you say8 and so on4 ,the story was interrupted at every sentence1 and the relator condemned as a most tedious story-teller1 when1 had he been permitted to go forward1 he would have made the incident interesting and short4 ,never interrupt any one who is speaking4 ,it is very ill-bred4 ,if you see that a person to whom you wish to speak is being addressed by another person1 never speak until she has heard and replied2 until her conversation with that person is finished4 ,no truly polite lady ever breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker4 ,never1 in speaking to a married lady1 enquire for her husband1 or1 if a gentleman1 ask for his wife4 ,the elegant way is to call the absent party by their name2 ask ,mr4 ,smith how ,mrs4 ,smith is1 or enquire of ,mrs4 ,jones for ,mr4 ,jones1 but never for your husband or your wife4 ,on the other hand1 if you are married1 never speak of your husband as your lord1 husband1 or good man1 avoid1 also1 unless amongst relatives1 calling him by his ,christian name4 ,if you wish others to respect him1 show by speaking of him in respectful terms that you do so yourself4 ,if either your own husband or your friend's is in the army or navy1 or can claim the ,dr41 ,prof41 or any other prefix to his name1 there is no impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel1 doctor1 or whatever his title may be4 ,it is a mark of ill-breeding to use ,french phrases or words1 unless you are sure your companion is a ,french scholar1 and1 even then1 it is best to avoid them4 ,above all1 do not use any foreign word or phrase1 unless you have the language perfectly at your command4 ,i heard a lady once use a ,spanish quotation2 she had mastered that one sentence alone2 but a ,cuban gentleman1 delighted to meet an ,american who could converse with him in his own tongue1 immediately addressed her in ,spanish4 ,embarrassed and ashamed1 she was obliged to confess that her knowledge of the language was confined to one quotation4 ,never anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote told in your presence4 ,if you have heard the story before1 it may be new to others1 and the narrator should always be allowed to finish it in his own words4 ,to take any sentence from the mouth of another person1 before he has time to utter it1 is the height of ill-breeding4 ,avoid it carefully4 ,never use the phrases1 ,what-d-ye call it1 ,thingummy1 ,what's his name1 or any such substitutes for a proper name or place4 ,if you cannot recall the names you wish to use1 it is better not to tell the story or incident connected with them4 ,no lady of high breeding will ever use these substitutes in conversation4 ,be careful always to speak in a distinct1 clear voice2 at the same time avoid talking too loudly1 there is a happy medium between mumbling and screaming4 ,strive to attain it4 ,overlook the deficiencies of others when conversing with them1 as they may be the results of ignorance1 and impossible to correct4 ,never pain another person by correcting1 before others1 a word or phrase mispronounced or ungrammatically constructed4 ,if your intimacy will allow it1 speak of the fault upon another occasion1 kindly and privately1 or let it pass4 ,do not be continually watching for faults1 that you may display your own superior wisdom in correcting them4 ,let modesty and kind feeling govern your conversation1 as other rules of life4 ,if1 on the other hand1 your companion uses words or expressions which you cannot understand1 do not affect knowledge1 or be ashamed of your ignorance1 but frankly ask for an explanation4 ,in conversing with professional gentlemen1 never question them upon matters connected with their employment4 ,an author may communicate1 voluntarily1 information interesting to you1 upon the subject of his works1 but any questions from you would be extremely rude4 ,if you meet a physician who is attending a friend1 you may enquire for their progress1 but do not expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease and his manner of treating it4 ,the same rule applies to questioning lawyers about their clients1 artists on their paintings1 merchants or mechanics of their several branches of business4 ,professional or business men1 when with ladies1 generally wish for miscellaneous subjects of conversation1 and1 as their visits are for recreation1 they will feel excessively annoyed if obliged to talk shop4 ,still many men can converse on no other subject than their every day employment4 ,in this case listen politely1 and show your interest4 ,you will probably gain useful information in such conversation4 ,never question the veracity of any statement made in general conversation4 ,if you are certain a statement is false1 and it is injurious to another person1 who may be absent1 you may quietly and courteously inform the speaker that he is mistaken1 but if the falsehood is of no consequence1 let it pass4 ,if a statement appears monstrous1 but you do not know that it is false1 listen1 but do not question its veracity4 ,it may be true1 though it strikes you as improbable4 ,never attempt to disparage an absent friend4 ,it is the height of meanness4 ,if others admire her1 and you do not1 let them have their opinion in peace2 you will probably fail if you try to lower her in their esteem1 and gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured1 envious person4 ,in conversing with foreigners1 if they speak slightingly of the manners of your country1 do not retort rudely1 or resentfully4 ,if their views are wrong1 converse upon the subject1 giving them frankly your views1 but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of their own country is worse4 ,a gentleman or lady of true refinement will always give your words candid consideration1 and admit that an ,american may possibly know the customs of her country better than they do1 and if your opponent is not well-bred1 your rudeness will not improve his manners4 ,let the conversation upon national subjects be candid1 and at the same time courteous1 and leave him to think that the ladies in ,america are well-bred1 however much he may dislike some little national peculiarity4 ,avoid1 at all times1 mentioning subjects or incidents that can in any way disgust your hearers4 ,many persons will enter into the details of sicknesses which should be mentioned only when absolutely necessary1 or describe the most revolting scenes before a room full of people1 or even at table4 ,others speak of vermin1 noxious plants1 or instances of uncleanliness4 ,all such conversation or allusion is excessively ill-bred4 ,it is not only annoying1 but absolutely sickening to some1 and a truly lady-like person will avoid all such topics4 ,i cannot too severely censure the habit of using sentences which admit of a double meaning4 ,it is not only ill-bred1 but indelicate1 and no person of true refinement will ever do it4 ,if you are so unfortunate as to converse with one who uses such phrases1 never by word1 look1 or sign show that you understand any meaning beyond the plain1 outspoken language4 ,avoid always any discussion upon religious topics1 unless you are perfectly certain that your remarks cannot annoy or pain any one present4 ,if you are tete-a-tete with a friend1 and such a discussion arise1 inquire your companion's church and mention your own1 that you may yourself avoid unpleasant remarks1 and caution him4 ,never1 when advancing an opinion1 assert positively that a thing is so1 but give your opinion as an opinion4 ,say1 ,i think this is so1 or these are my views1 but remember that your companion may be better informed upon the subject under discussion1 or1 where it is a mere matter of taste or feeling1 do not expect that all the world will feel exactly as you do4 ,never repeat to a person with whom you converse1 any unpleasant speech you may have heard concerning her4 ,if you can give her pleasure by the repetition of a delicate compliment1 or token of approval shown by a mutual friend1 tell her the pleasant speech or incident1 but do not hurt her feelings1 or involve her in a quarrel by the repetition of ill-natured remarks4 ,amongst well-bred persons1 every conversation is considered in a measure confidential4 ,a lady or gentleman tacitly confides in you when he 7or she7 tells you an incident which may cause trouble if repeated1 and you violate a confidence as much in such a repetition1 as if you were bound over to secrecy4 ,remember this4 ,never criticise a companion's dress1 or indeed make any remark whatever upon it4 ,if a near friend1 you may1 if sincere1 admire any article1 but with a mere acquaintance let it pass unnoticed4 ,if1 however1 any accident has happened to the dress1 of which she is ignorant1 tell her of it1 and assist her in repairing the mischief4 ,to be able to converse really well1 you must read much1 treasure in your memory the pearls of what you read2 you must have a quick comprehension1 observe passing events1 and listen attentively whenever there is any opportunity of acquiring knowledge4 ,a quick tact is necessary1 too1 in conversation4 ,to converse with an entirely uneducated person upon literature1 interlarding your remarks with quotations1 is ill-bred4 ,it places them in an awkward situation1 and does not add to your popularity4 ,in conversing with persons of refinement and intelligence1 do not endeavor to attract their admiration by pouring forth every item of your own information upon the subject under consideration1 but listen as well as talk1 and modestly follow their lead4 ,i do not mean1 to assent to any opinion they may advance1 if you really differ in your own tastes1 but do not be too ready to show your superior judgment or information4 ,avoid argument2 it is not conversation1 and frequently leads to ill feeling4 ,if you are unfortunately drawn into an argument1 keep your temper under perfect control1 and if you find your adversary is getting too warm1 endeavor to introduce some other topic4 ,avoid carefully any allusion to the age or personal defects of your companion1 or any one who may be in the room1 and be very careful in your language when speaking of a stranger to another person4 ,i have heard a lady inquire of a gentleman1 who that frightful girl in blue could be1 and receive the information that the lady in question was the gentleman's own sister4 ,be careful1 when traveling1 not to wound the feelings of your friends in another country or city1 by underrating their native place1 or attempting to prove the superiority of your own home over theirs4 ,very young girls are apt to suppose1 from what they observe in older ones1 that there is some particular manner to be put on1 in talking to gentlemen1 and1 not knowing exactly what it is1 they are embarrassed and reserved2 others observe certain airs and looks1 used by their elders in this intercourse1 and try to imitate them1 as a necessary part of company behaviours1 and1 so become affected1 and lose that first of charms1 simplicity1 natural grace4 ,to such1 let me say1 your companions are in error2 it requires no peculiar manner1 nothing to be put on1 in order to converse with gentlemen1 any more than with ladies2 and the more pure and elevated your sentiments are1 and the better cultivated your intellect is1 the easier will you find it to converse pleasantly with all4 ,one good rule can be always followed by young ladies2 to converse with a lady friend as if there were gentlemen present1 and to converse with a gentleman as if in the room with other ladies4 ,avoid affectation2 it is the sure test of a deceitful1 vulgar mind4 ,the best cure is to try to have those virtues which you would affect1 and then they will appear naturally4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,dress4 ,a lady is never so well dressed as when you cannot remember what she wears4 ,no truer remark than the above was ever made4 ,such an effect can only be produced where every part of the dress harmonizes entirely with the other parts1 where each color or shade suits the wearer's style completely1 and where there is perfect neatness in each detail4 ,one glaring color1 or conspicuous article1 would entirely mar the beauty of such a dress4 ,it is1 unfortunately1 too much the custom in ,america to wear any article1 or shape in make1 that is fashionable1 without any regard to the style of the person purchasing goods4 ,if it is the fashion it must be worn1 though it may greatly exaggerate a slight personal defect1 or conceal or mar what would otherwise be a beauty4 ,it requires the exercise of some judgment to decide how far an individual may follow the dictates of fashion1 in order to avoid the appearance of eccentricity1 and yet wear what is peculiarly becoming to her own face or figure4 ,another fault of our fair countrywomen is their extravagance in dress4 ,no better advice can be given to a young person than to dress always according to her circumstances4 ,she will be more respected with a simple wardrobe1 if it is known either that she is dependent upon her own exertions for support1 or is saving a husband or father from unnecessary outlay1 than if she wore the most costly fabrics1 and by so doing incurred debt or burdened her relatives with heavy1 unwarrantable expense4 ,if neatness1 consistency1 and good taste1 preside over the wardrobe of a lady1 expensive fabrics will not be needed2 for with the simplest materials1 harmony of color1 accurate fitting to the figure1 and perfect neatness1 she will always appear well dressed4 ,,general ,,rules4 ,,neatness--,this is the first of all rules to be observed with regard to dress4 ,perfect cleanliness and careful adjustment of each article in the dress are indispensable in a finished toilet4 ,let the hair be always smooth and becomingly arranged1 each article exquisitely clean1 neat collar and sleeves1 and tidy shoes and stockings1 and the simplest dress will appear well1 while a torn or soiled collar1 rough hair1 or untidy feet will entirely ruin the effect of the most costly and elaborate dress4 ,the many articles required in a lady's wardrobe make a neat arrangement of her drawers and closets necessary1 and also require care in selecting and keeping goods in proper order4 ,a fine collar or lace1 if tumbled or soiled1 will lose its beauty when contrasted with the same article in the coarsest material perfectly pure and smooth4 ,each article of dress1 when taken off1 should be placed carefully and smoothly in its proper place4 ,nice dresses should be hung up by a loop on the inside of the waistband1 with the skirts turned inside out1 and the body turned inside of the skirt4 ,cloaks should hang in smooth folds from a loop on the inside of the neck4 ,shawls should be always folded in the creases in which they were purchased4 ,all fine articles1 lace1 embroidery1 and handkerchiefs1 should be placed by themselves in a drawer1 always laid out smoothly1 and kept from dust4 ,furs should be kept in a box1 alone1 and in summer carefully packed1 with a quantity of lump camphor to protect from moths4 ,the bonnet should always rest upon a stand in the band-box1 as the shape and trimming will both be injured by letting it lie either on the face1 sides1 or crown4 ,,adaptiveness--,let each dress worn by a lady be suitable to the occasion upon which she wears it4 ,a toilet may be as offensive to good taste and propriety by being too elaborate1 as by being slovenly4 ,never wear a dress which is out of place or out of season under the impression that it will do for once1 or nobody will notice it4 ,it is in as bad taste to receive your morning calls in an elaborate evening dress1 as it would be to attend a ball in your morning wrapper4 ,,harmony--,to appear well dressed without harmony1 both in color and materials1 is impossible4 ,when arranging any dress1 whether for home1 street1 or evening1 be careful that each color harmonizes well with the rest1 and let no one article1 by its glaring costliness1 make all the rest appear mean4 ,a costly lace worn over a thin1 flimsy silk1 will only make the dress appear poorer1 not1 as some suppose1 hide its defects4 ,a rich trimming looks as badly upon a cheap dress1 as a mean one does upon an expensive fabric4 ,observe this rule always in purchasing goods4 ,one costly article will entirely ruin the harmony in a dress1 which1 without it1 though plain and inexpensive1 would be becoming and beautiful4 ,do not save on the dress or cloak to buy a more elaborate bonnet1 but let the cost be well equalized and the effect will be good4 ,a plain merino or dark silk1 with a cloth cloak1 will look much better than the most expensive velvet cloak over a cheap delaine dress4 ,,fashion--,do not be too submissive to the dictates of fashion2 at the same time avoid oddity or eccentricity in your dress4 ,there are some persons who will follow1 in defiance of taste and judgment1 the fashion to its most extreme point2 this is a sure mark of vulgarity4 ,every new style of dress will admit of adaptation to individual cases1 thus producing a pleasing1 as well as fashionable effect4 ,not only good taste1 but health is often sacrificed to the silly error of dressing in the extreme of fashion4 ,be careful to have your dress comfortable and becoming1 and let the prevailing mode come into secondary consideration2 avoiding1 always1 the other extreme of oddity or eccentricity in costume4 ,,style ,,and ,,form ,,of ,,dress--,be always careful when making up the various parts of your wardrobe1 that each article fits you accurately4 ,not in the outside garments alone must this rule be followed1 an ill-fitting pair of corsets1 or wrinkles in any other article of the under-clothes1 will make a dress set badly1 even if it has been itself fitted with the utmost accuracy4 ,a stocking which is too large1 will make the boot uncomfortably tight1 and too small will compress the foot1 making the shoe loose and untidy4 ,in a dress1 no outlay upon the material will compensate for a badly fitting garment4 ,a cheap calico made to fit the form accurately and easily1 will give the wearer a more lady-like air than the richest silk which either wrinkles or is too tightly strained over the figure4 ,collars or sleeves1 pinned over or tightly strained to meet1 will entirely mar the effect of the prettiest dress4 ,,economy--,and by economy ,i do not mean mere cheapness4 ,to buy a poor1 flimsy fabric merely because the price is low1 is extravagance1 not economy2 still worse if you buy articles because they are offered cheap1 when you have no use for them4 ,in purchasing goods for the wardrobe1 let each material be the best of its kind4 ,the same amount of sewing that is put into a good material1 must be put into a poor one1 and1 as the latter will very soon wash or wear out1 there must be another one to supply its place1 purchased and made up1 when1 by buying a good article at first1 this time and labor might have been saved4 ,a good1 strong material will be found cheapest in the end1 though the actual expenditure of money may be larger at first4 ,,comfort--,many ladies have to trace months of severe suffering to an improper disregard of comfort1 in preparing their wardrobe1 or in exposure after they are dressed4 ,the most exquisite ball costume will never compensate for the injury done by tight lacing1 the prettiest foot is dearly paid for by the pain a tight boot entails1 and the most graceful effects will not prevent suffering from exposure to cold4 ,a light ball dress and exquisite arrangement of the hair1 too often make the wearer dare the inclemency of the coldest night1 by wearing a light shawl or hood1 to prevent crushing delicate lace or flowers4 ,make it a fixed rule to have the head1 feet1 and chest well protected when going to a party1 even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray curl4 ,many a fair head has been laid in a coffin1 a victim to consumption1 from rashly venturing out of a heated ball room1 flushed and excited1 with only a light protection against keen night air4 ,the excitement of the occasion may prevent immediate discomfort in such cases1 but it adds to the subsequent danger4 ,,details--,be careful always that the details of your dress are perfectly finished in every point4 ,the small articles of a wardrobe require constant care to keep in perfect order1 yet they will wofully revenge themselves if neglected4 ,let the collar1 handkerchief1 boots1 gloves1 and belts be always whole1 neat1 and adapted to the dress4 ,a lace collar will look as badly over a chintz dress1 as a linen one would with velvet1 though each may be perfect of its kind4 ,attention to these minor points are sure tests of taste in a lady's dress4 ,a shabby or ill fitting boot or glove will ruin the most elaborate walking dress1 while one of much plainer make and coarser fabric will be becoming and lady-like1 if all the details are accurately fitted1 clean1 and well put on4 ,in arranging a dress for every occasion1 be careful that there is no missing string1 hook1 or button1 that the folds hang well1 and that every part is even and properly adjusted4 ,let the skirts hang smoothly1 the outside ones being always about an inch longer than the under ones2 let the dress set smoothly1 carefully hooked or buttoned2 let the collar fit neatly1 and be fastened firmly and smoothly at the throat2 let shoes and stockings be whole1 clean1 and fit nicely2 let the hair be smooth and glossy1 the skin pure1 and the colors and fabric of your dress harmonize and be suitable for the occasion1 and you will always appear both lady-like and well-dressed4 ,,home ,,dresses4 ,,morning ,,dress--,the most suitable dress for breakfast1 is a wrapper made to fit the figure loosely1 and the material1 excepting when the winter weather requires woolen goods1 should be of chintz1 gingham1 brilliante1 or muslin4 ,a lady who has children1 or one accustomed to perform for herself light household duties1 will soon find the advantage of wearing materials that will wash4 ,a large apron of domestic gingham1 which can be taken off1 if the wearer is called to see unexpected visiters1 will protect the front of the dress1 and save washing the wrapper too frequently4 ,if a lady's domestic duties require her attention for several hours in the morning1 whilst her list of acquaintances is large1 and she has frequent morning calls1 it is best to dress for callers before breakfast1 and wear over this dress a loose sack and skirt of domestic gingham4 ,this1 while protecting the dress perfectly1 can be taken off at a moment's notice if callers are announced4 ,married ladies often wear a cap in the morning1 and lately1 young girls have adopted the fashion4 ,it is much better to let the hair be perfectly smooth1 requiring no cap1 which is often worn to conceal the lazy1 slovenly arrangement of the hair4 ,a few moments given to making the hair smooth and presentable without any covering1 will not be wasted4 ,slippers of embroidered cloth are prettiest with a wrapper1 and in summer black morocco is the most suitable for the house in the morning4 ,,dress ,,for ,,morning ,,visits--,a lady should never receive her morning callers in a wrapper1 unless they call at an unusually early hour1 or some unexpected demand upon her time makes it impossible to change her dress after breakfast4 ,on the other hand1 an elaborate costume before dinner is in excessively bad taste4 ,the dress should be made to fit the figure neatly1 finished at the throat and wrists by an embroidered collar and cuffs1 and1 unless there is a necessity for it1 in loss of the hair or age1 there should be no cap or head dress worn4 ,a wrapper made with handsome trimming1 open over a pretty white skirt1 may be worn with propriety2 but the simple dress worn for breakfast1 or in the exercise of domestic duties1 is not suitable for the parlor when receiving visits of ceremony in the morning4 ,,evening ,,dress--,the home evening dress should be varied according to circumstances4 ,if no visitor is expected1 the dress worn in the morning is suitable for the evening2 but to receive visitors1 it should be of lighter material1 and a light head-dress may be worn4 ,for young ladies1 at home1 ribbon or velvet are the most suitable materials for a head-dress4 ,flowers1 unless they be natural ones in summer1 are in very bad taste1 excepting in cases where a party of invited guests are expected4 ,dark silk in winter1 and thin material in summer1 make the most suitable dresses for evening1 and the reception of the chance-guests ladies in society may usually expect4 ,,walking ,,dresses--,walking dresses1 to be in good taste1 should be of quiet colors1 and never conspicuous4 ,browns1 modes1 and neutral tints1 with black and white1 make the prettiest dresses for the street4 ,above all1 avoid wearing several bright colors4 ,one may be worn with perfect propriety to take off the sombre effect of a dress of brown or black1 but do not let it be too glaring1 and wear but little of it4 ,let the boots be sufficiently strong and thick to protect the feet from damp or dust1 and wear always neat1 clean1 nicely fitting gloves4 ,the entire effect of the most tasteful costume will be ruined if attention is not paid to the details of dress4 ,a soiled bonnet cap1 untidy strings1 or torn gloves and collar will utterly spoil the prettiest costume4 ,there is no surer mark of vulgarity than over dressing or gay dressing in the street4 ,let the materials be of the costliest kind1 if you will1 but do not either wear the exaggerations of the fashion1 or conspicuous colors4 ,let good taste dictate the limits where fashion may rule1 and let the colors harmonize well1 and be of such tints as will not attract attention4 ,,for ,,morning ,,calls--,the dress should be plain1 and in winter furs and dark gloves may be worn4 ,,for ,,bridal ,,calls--,the dress should be of light silk1 the bonnet dressy1 and either a rich shawl or light cloak2 no furs1 and light gloves4 ,in summer1 a lace or silk mantle and white gloves should be worn4 ,,shopping ,,dresses--,should be of such material as will bear the crush of a crowded store without injury1 and neither lace or delicate fabrics should ever be worn4 ,a dress of merino in winter1 with a cloth cloak and plain velvet or silk bonnet is the most suitable4 ,in summer1 a dress and cloak of plain mode-colored ,lavella cloth1 or any other cool but strong fabric1 with a simply trimmed straw bonnet1 is the best dress for a shopping excursion4 ,,storm ,,dresses--,a lady who is obliged to go out frequently in bad weather1 will find it both a convenience and economy to have a storm dress4 ,both dress and cloak should be made of a woolen material1 7varying of course with the season17 which will shed water4 ,white skirts are entirely out of place1 as1 if the dress is held up1 they will be in a few moments disgracefully dirty4 ,a woolen skirt1 made quite short1 to clear the muddy streets1 is the proper thing4 ,stout1 thick-soled boots1 and gloves of either silk1 beaver-cloth1 or lisle thread1 are the most suitable4 ,the bonnet should be either of straw or felt1 simply trimmed2 and1 above all1 carry a large umbrella4 ,the little light umbrellas are very pretty1 no doubt1 but to be of any real protection in a storm1 the umbrella should be large enough to protect the whole dress4 ,,marketing--,here a dress of the most inexpensive kind is the best4 ,there is no surer mark of vulgarity1 than a costly dress in the market4 ,a chintz is the best skirt to wear1 and in winter a dark chintz skirt put on over a delaine dress1 will protect it from baskets1 and the unavoidable soils contracted in a market1 while it looks perfectly well1 and can be washed if required4 ,,traveling--,traveling dresses should be made always of some quiet color1 perfectly plain1 with a deep mantle or cloak of the same material4 ,when traveling with a young babe1 a dress of material that will wash is the best1 but it should be dark and plain4 ,a conspicuous traveling dress is in very bad taste1 and jewelry or ornaments of any kind are entirely out of place4 ,let the dress be made of dark1 plain material1 with a simple straw or felt bonnet1 trimmed with the same color as the dress1 and a thick barege veil4 ,an elastic string run through a tuck made in the middle of the veil1 will allow one half to fall over the face1 while the other half falls back1 covering the bonnet1 and protecting it from dust4 ,if white collars and sleeves are worn1 they should be of linen1 perfectly plain4 ,strong boots and thick gloves are indispensable in traveling1 and a heavy shawl should be carried1 to meet any sudden change in the weather4 ,corsets and petticoats of dark linen are more suitable than white ones1 as there is so much unavoidable dust and mud constantly meeting a traveler4 ,,evening ,,dresses--,must be governed by the number of guests you may expect to meet1 and the character of the entertainment to which you are invited4 ,for small social companies1 a dark silk in winter1 and a pretty lawn1 barege1 or white muslin in summer1 are the most appropriate4 ,a light head-dress of ribbon or velvet1 or a plain cap1 are the most suitable with this dress4 ,for a larger party1 low-necked1 short-sleeved silk1 light colored1 or any of the thin goods made expressly for evening wear1 with kid gloves1 either of a color to match the dress or of white2 black lace mittens are admissible1 and flowers in the hair4 ,a ball dress should be made of either very dressy silk1 or light1 thin material made over silk4 ,it should be trimmed with lace1 flowers1 or ribbon1 and made dressy4 ,the coiffure should be elaborate1 and match the dress1 being either of ribbon1 feather1 or flowers4 ,white kid gloves1 trimmed to match the dress1 and white or black satin slippers1 with silk stockings1 must be worn4 ,,mourning--,there is such a variety of opinion upon the subject of mourning1 that it is extremely difficult to lay down any general rules upon the subject4 ,some wear very close black for a long period1 for a distant relative2 whilst others will wear dressy mourning for a short time in a case of death in the immediate family4 ,there is no rule either for the depth of mourning1 or the time when it may be laid aside1 and ,i must confine my remarks to the different degrees of mourning4 ,for deep mourning1 the dress should be of bombazine1 ,parramatta cloth1 delaine1 barege1 or merino1 made up over black lining4 ,the only appropriate trimming is a deep fold1 either of the same material or of crape4 ,the shawl or cloak must be of plain black1 without border or trimming1 unless a fold of crape be put on the cloak2 the bonnet should be of crape1 made perfectly plain1 with crape facings1 unless the widow's cap be worn1 and a deep crape veil should be thrown over both face and bonnet4 ,black crape collar and sleeves1 and black boots and gloves4 ,the next degree is to wear white collar and sleeves1 a bow of crape upon the bonnet1 and plain white lace facings1 leaving off the crape veil1 and substituting one of plain black net4 ,a little later1 black silk without any gloss1 trimmed with crape1 may be worn1 and delaine or bombazine1 with a trimming of broad1 plain ribbon1 or a bias fold of silk4 ,the next stage admits a silk bonnet trimmed with crape1 and lead color1 dark purple1 or white figures on the dress4 ,from this the mourning passes into second mourning4 ,here a straw bonnet1 trimmed with black ribbon or crape flowers1 or a silk bonnet with black flowers on the outside1 and white ones in the face1 a black silk dress1 and gray shawl or cloak1 may be worn4 ,lead color1 purple1 lavender1 and white1 are all admissible in second mourning1 and the dress may be lightened gradually1 a white bonnet1 shawl1 and light purple or lavender dress1 being the dress usually worn last1 before the mourning is thrown aside entirely1 and colors resumed4 ,it is especially to be recommended to buy always the best materials when making up mourning4 ,crape and woolen goods of the finest quality are very expensive1 but a cheaper article will wear miserably2 there is no greater error in economy than purchasing cheap mourning1 for no goods are so inferior1 or wear out and grow rusty so soon4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,traveling4 ,there is no situation in which a lady is more exposed than when she travels1 and there is no position where a dignified1 lady-like deportment is more indispensable and more certain to command respect4 ,if you travel under the escort of a gentleman1 give him as little trouble as possible2 at the same time1 do not interfere with the arrangements he may make for your comfort4 ,it is best1 when starting upon your journey1 to hand your escort a sufficient sum of money to cover all your expenses1 retaining your pocket book in case you should wish to use it4 ,have a strong pocket made in your upper petticoat1 and in that carry your money1 only reserving in your dress pocket a small sum for incidental expenses4 ,in your traveling satchel carry an oil skin bag1 containing your sponge1 tooth and nail brushes1 and some soap2 have also a calico bag1 with hair brush and comb1 some pins1 hair pins1 a small mirror1 and some towels4 ,in this satchel carry also some crackers1 or sandwiches1 if you will be long enough upon the road to need a luncheon4 ,in your carpet bag1 carry a large shawl1 and if you will travel by night1 or stop where it will be inconvenient to open your trunks1 carry your night clothes1 and what clean linen you may require1 in the carpet bag4 ,it is best to have your name and address engraved upon the plate of your carpet bag1 and to sew a white card1 with your name and the address to which you are traveling1 in clear1 plain letters upon it4 ,if you carry a novel or any other reading1 it is best to carry the book in your satchel1 and not open the carpet bag until you are ready for the night4 ,if you are to pass the night in the cars1 carry a warm woolen or silk hood1 that you may take off your bonnet at night4 ,no one can sleep comfortably in a bonnet4 ,carry also1 in this case1 a large shawl to wrap round your feet4 ,one rule to be always observed in traveling is punctuality4 ,rise early enough to have ample time for arranging everything needful for the day's journey4 ,if you sleep upon the boat1 or at a hotel1 always give directions to the servant to waken you at an hour sufficiently early to allow ample time for preparation4 ,it is better to be all ready twenty minutes too soon1 than five minutes late1 or even late enough to be annoyed and heated by hurrying at the last moment4 ,a lady will always dress plainly when traveling4 ,a gay dress1 or finery of any sort1 when in a boat1 stage1 or car1 lays a woman open to the most severe misconstruction4 ,wear always neutral tints1 and have the material made up plainly and substantially1 but avoid carefully any article of dress that is glaring or conspicuous4 ,above all1 never wear jewelry1 7unless it be your watch17 or flowers2 they are both in excessively bad taste4 ,a quiet1 unpretending dress1 and dignified demeanor1 will insure for a lady respect1 though she travel alone from ,maine to ,florida4 ,if you are obliged to pass the night upon a steamboat secure1 if possible1 a stateroom4 ,you will find the luxury of being alone1 able to retire and rise without witnesses1 fully compensates for the extra charge4 ,before you retire1 find out the position and number of the stateroom occupied by your escort1 in case you wish to find him during the night4 ,in times of terror1 from accident or danger1 such care will be found invaluable4 ,you may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon all occasions when traveling1 and must then sleep in the ladies' cabin4 ,it is best1 in this case1 to take off the dress only1 merely loosening the stays and skirts1 and1 unless you are sick1 you may sit up to read until quite a late hour4 ,never allow your escort to accompany you into the cabin4 ,the saloon is open always to both ladies and gentlemen1 and the cabin is for ladies alone4 ,many ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband or brother into the cabin1 and keep him there talking for an hour or two1 totally overlooking the fact that by so doing she may be keeping others1 suffering1 perhaps1 with sickness1 from removing their dresses to lie down4 ,such conduct is not only excessively ill-bred1 but intensely selfish4 ,there is scarcely any situation in which a lady can be placed1 more admirably adapted to test her good breeding1 than in the sleeping cabin of a steam-boat4 ,if you are so unfortunate as to suffer from sea-sickness1 your chances for usefulness are limited1 and patient suffering your only resource4 ,in this case1 never leave home without a straw-covered bottle of brandy1 and another of camphor1 in your carpet-bag4 ,if you are not sick1 be very careful not to keep the chambermaid from those who are suffering2 should you require her services1 dismiss her as soon as possible4 ,as acquaintances1 formed during a journey1 are not recognized afterwards1 unless mutually agreeable1 do not refuse either a pleasant word or any little offer of service from your companions2 and1 on the other hand1 be ready to aid them1 if in your power4 ,in every case1 selfishness is the root of all ill-breeding1 and it is never more conspicuously displayed than in traveling4 ,a courteous manner1 and graceful offer of service are valued highly when offered1 and the giver loses nothing by her civility4 ,when in the car if you find the exertion of talking painful1 say so frankly2 your escort cannot be offended4 ,do not continually pester either your companion or the conductor with questions1 such as ,where are we now8 ,when shall we arrive8 ,if you are wearied1 this impatience will only make the journey still more tedious4 ,try to occupy yourself with looking at the country through which you are passing1 or with a book4 ,if you are traveling without any escort1 speak to the conductor before you start1 requesting him to attend to you whilst in the car or boat under his control4 ,sit quietly in the cars when they reach the depot until the first bustle is over1 and then engage a porter to procure for you a hack1 and get your baggage4 ,if upon a boat1 let one of the servants perform this office1 being careful to fee him for it4 ,make an engagement with the hackman1 to take you only in his hack1 and enquire his charge before starting4 ,in this way you avoid unpleasant company during your drive1 and overcharge at the end of it4 ,if you expect a friend to meet you at the end of your journey1 sit near the door of the steam-boat saloon1 or in the ladies' room at the car depot1 that he may find you easily4 ,there are many little civilities which a true gentleman will offer to a lady traveling alone1 which she may accept1 even from an entire stranger1 with perfect propriety2 but1 while careful to thank him courteously1 whether you accept or decline his attentions1 avoid any advance towards acquaintanceship4 ,if he sits near you and seems disposed to be impertinent1 or obtrusive in his attentions or conversation1 lower your veil and turn from him1 either looking from the window or reading4 ,a dignified1 modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence4 ,if you find yourself1 during your journey1 in any awkward or embarrassing situation1 you may1 without impropriety1 request the assistance of a gentleman1 even a stranger1 and he will1 probably1 perform the service requested1 receive your thanks1 and then relieve you of his presence4 ,never1 upon any account1 or under any provocation1 return rudeness by rudeness4 ,nothing will rebuke incivility in another so surely as perfect courtesy in your own manner4 ,many will be shamed into apology1 who would annoy you for hours1 if you encouraged them by acts of rudeness on your own part4 ,in traveling alone1 choose1 if possible1 a seat next to another lady1 or near an elderly gentleman4 ,if your neighbor seems disposed to shorten the time by conversing1 do not be too hasty in checking him4 ,such acquaintances end with the journey1 and a lady can always so deport herself that she may beguile the time pleasantly1 without1 in the least1 compromising her dignity4 ,any slight attention1 or an apology made for crushing or incommoding you1 is best acknowledged by a courteous bow1 in silence4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,how ,,to ,,behave ,,at ,a ,,hotel4 ,in ,america1 where the mania for traveling extends through all classes1 from the highest to the lowest1 a few hints upon deportment at a hotel will not be amiss1 and these hints are especially addressed to ladies traveling alone4 ,when you arrive at the hotel1 enquire at once for the proprietor4 ,tell him your name and address1 and ask him to conduct you to a good room1 naming the length of time you purpose occupying it4 ,you may also request him to wait upon you to the table1 and allot you a seat4 ,as the hours for meals1 at a large hotel1 are very numerous1 it is best to mention the time when you wish to breakfast1 dine1 or sup4 ,if you stay more than one day at the hotel1 do not tax the proprietor with the duty of escorting you to the table more than once4 ,request one of the waiters always to meet you as you enter1 and wait upon you to your seat4 ,this saves the embarrassment of crossing the room entirely unattended1 while it shows others that you are a resident at the house4 ,the waiter will then take your order for the dishes you wish4 ,give this order in a low tone1 and do not harass the man by contradicting yourself several times2 decide what you want before you ask for it1 and then give your order quietly but distinctly4 ,use1 always1 the butter-knife1 salt-spoon1 and sugar-tongs1 though you may be entirely alone in the use of them4 ,the attention to the small details of table etiquette is one of the surest marks of good breeding4 ,if any trifling civility is offered by the gentleman beside you1 or opposite to you1 thank him civilly1 if you either accept or decline it4 ,thank the waiter for any extra attention he may offer4 ,remember that a lady-like deportment is always modest and quiet4 ,if you meet a friend at table1 and converse1 let it be in a tone of voice sufficiently loud for him to hear1 but not loud enough to reach ears for which the remarks are not intended4 ,a boisterous1 loud voice1 loud laughter1 and bold deportment1 at a hotel1 are sure signs of vulgar breeding4 ,when you have finished your meal1 cross the room quietly2 if you go into the parlor1 do not attract attention by a hasty entrance1 or forward manner1 but take the seat you may select1 quietly4 ,the acquaintances made in a hotel may be dropped afterwards1 if desirable1 without rudeness1 and a pleasant greeting to other ladies whom you may recognize from meeting them in the entries or at table1 is courteous and well-bred2 be careful1 however1 not to force attentions where you see they are not agreeably received4 ,a lady's dress1 when alone at a hotel1 should be of the most modest kind4 ,at breakfast let her wear a close1 morning dress1 and never1 even at supper1 appear alone at the table with bare arms or neck4 ,if she comes in late from the opera or a party1 in full dress1 she should not come into the supper-room1 unless her escort accompanies her4 ,a traveling or walking-dress can be worn with perfect propriety1 at any meal at a hotel1 as it is usually travelers who are the guests at the table4 ,after breakfast1 pass an hour or two in the parlor1 unless you are going out1 whilst the chambermaid puts your room in order4 ,you should1 before leaving the room1 lock your trunk1 and be careful not to leave money or trinkets lying about4 ,when you go out1 lock your door1 and give the key to the servant to hand to the clerk of the office1 who will give it to you when you return4 ,you may do this1 even if you leave the room in disorder1 as the chambermaids all carry duplicate keys1 and can easily enter your room in your absence to arrange it4 ,the door should not be left open1 as dishonest persons1 passing along the entry1 could enter without fear of being questioned4 ,if you see that another lady1 though she may be an entire stranger1 is losing her collar1 or needs attention called to any disorder in her dress1 speak to her in a low tone1 and offer to assist her in remedying the difficulty4 ,be careful always in opening a door or raising a window in a public parlor1 that you are not incommoding any one else4 ,never sit down to the piano uninvited1 unless you are alone in the parlor4 ,do not take any book you may find in the room away from it4 ,it is best always to carry writing materials with you1 but if this is not convenient1 you can always obtain them at the office4 ,in a strange city it is best to provide yourself with a small map and guide book1 that you may be able to find your way from the hotel to any given point1 without troubling any one for directions4 ,if you wish for a carriage1 ring1 and let the waiter order one for you4 ,when leaving a hotel1 if you have been there for several days1 give the waiter at table1 and the chambermaid1 a fee1 as your unprotected situation will probably call for many services out of their regular routine of duties4 ,on leaving1 ring1 order your bill1 pay it1 state the time at which you wish to leave1 and the train you will take to leave the city4 ,request a man to be sent1 to carry your baggage to the hack2 and if you require your next meal at an unusual hour1 to be ready for your journey1 order it then4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,evening ,,parties4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,hostess4 ,the most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the present day1 to entertain guests1 is to invite them to evening parties1 which vary in size from the company1 sociable1 soiree1 to the party1 par excellence1 which is but one step from the ball4 ,the entertainment upon such occasions1 may vary with the taste of the hostess1 or the caprice of her guests4 ,some prefer dancing1 some music1 some conversation4 ,small parties called together for dramatic or poetical readings1 are now fashionable1 and very delightful4 ,in writing an invitation for a small party1 it is kind1 as well as polite1 to specify the number of guests invited1 that your friends may dress to suit the occasion4 ,to be either too much1 or too little dressed at such times is embarrassing4 ,for large parties1 the usual formula is3 ,miss ,s----'s compliments to ,miss ,g----1 and requests the pleasure of her company for ,wednesday1 ,march #hth1 at #h o'clock4 ,such an invitation1 addressed either to an intimate friend or mere acquaintance1 will signify full dress4 ,if your party is a musical soiree1 or your friends meet for reading or conversation alone1 say so in your invitation1 as-- ,miss ,s---- requests the pleasure of ,miss ,g----'s company1 on ,thursday evening next1 at #h o'clock1 to meet the members of the musical club1 to which ,miss ,s---- belongs2 or1 ,miss ,s---- expects a few friends1 on ,monday evening next1 at #h o'clock1 to take part in some dramatic readings1 and would be happy to have ,miss ,g---- join the party4 ,always date your note of invitation1 and put your address in one corner4 ,having dispatched these notes1 the next step is to prepare to receive your guests4 ,if the number invited is large1 and you hire waiters1 give them notice several days beforehand1 and engage them to come in the morning4 ,give them full directions for the supper1 appoint one to open the door1 another to show the guests to the dressing rooms1 and a third to wait in the gentlemen's dressing-room1 to attend to them1 if their services are required4 ,if you use your own plate1 glass1 and china1 show the waiters where to find them1 as well as the table cloths1 napkins1 and other things they may require4 ,if you hire the service from the confectioner's or restaurateur's where you order your supper1 you have only to show your waiters where to spread supper1 and tell them the hour4 ,you will have to place at least four rooms at the disposal of your guests--the supper room1 and two dressing-rooms1 beside the drawing-room4 ,in the morning1 see that the fires in your rooms are in good order2 and in the drawing-room1 it is best to have it so arranged that the heat can be lessened towards evening1 as the crowd1 and dancing1 will make it excessively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm4 ,see that the lights are in good order1 and if you propose to have music instead of dancing1 or to use your piano for dancing music1 have it put in good tune in the morning4 ,if you intend to dance1 and do not wish to take up the carpets1 you will find it economical1 as well as much pleasanter1 to cover them with coarse white muslin or linen2 be sure it is fastened down smoothly1 firmly1 and drawn tightly over the carpets4 ,do not remove all the chairs from the parlor2 or1 if this is necessary1 leave some in the hall1 for those who wish to rest after dancing4 ,in the dining-room1 unless it will accommodate all your guests at once1 have a silk cord so fastened that1 when the room is full1 it can be drawn across the door-way2 those following the guests already in the room1 will then return to the parlor1 and wait their turn4 ,a still better way1 is to set the supper table twice1 inviting the married and elderly people to go into the first table1 and then1 after it is ready for the second time1 let the young folks go up4 ,two dressing-rooms must be ready2 one for the ladies1 and the other for the gentlemen4 ,have both these rooms comfortably heated1 and well lighted4 ,nothing can be more disagreeable than cold1 ill-lighted rooms to dress in1 particularly if your guests come in half-frozen by the cold of a winter's night1 or still worse1 damp from a stormy one4 ,be sure that there is plenty of water1 soap and towels on the washstand1 two or three brushes and combs on the bureau1 two mirrors1 one large and one small1 and a pin cushion1 well filled with large and small pins4 ,in the ladies' room1 have one1 or if your party is large1 two women to wait upon your guests2 to remove their cloaks1 overshoes1 and hoods1 and assist them in smoothing their dresses or hair4 ,after each guest removes her shawl and hood1 let one of the maids roll all the things she lays aside into a bundle1 and put it where she can easily find it4 ,it is an admirable plan1 and prevents much confusion1 to pin to each bundle1 a card1 or strip of paper1 7previously prepared17 with the name of the person to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it4 ,upon the bureau in the ladies' room1 have a supply of hair-pins1 and a workbox furnished with everything requisite to repair any accident that may happen to the dress of a guest4 ,it is well1 also1 to have ,eau de ,cologne1 hartshorn1 and salts1 in case of sudden faintness4 ,in the gentlemen's room1 place a clothes brush and boot-jack4 ,it is best to send out your invitations by your own servant1 or one hired for that purpose especially4 ,it is ill-bred to send invitations either by the dispatch1 or through the post-office2 and besides being discourteous1 you risk offending your friends1 as these modes of delivery are proverbially uncertain4 ,be dressed and ready to receive your guests in good season1 as some1 in their desire to be punctual1 may come before the time appointed4 ,it is better to be ready too soon1 than too late1 as your guests will feel painfully embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them4 ,for the early part of the evening1 take a position in your parlor1 near or opposite to the door1 that each guest may find you easily4 ,it is not necessary to remain all the evening nailed to this one spot1 but stay near it until your guests have all or nearly all assembled4 ,late comers will of course expect to find you entertaining your guests4 ,as each guest or party enter the room1 advance a few steps to meet them1 speaking first to the lady1 or if there are several ladies1 to the eldest1 then to the younger ones1 and finally to the gentlemen4 ,if the new comers are acquainted with those already in the room1 they will leave you1 after a few words of greeting1 to join their friends2 but if they are strangers to the city1 or making their first visit to your house1 introduce them to a friend who is well acquainted in your circle1 who will entertain them till you can again join them and introduce them to others4 ,do not leave the room during the evening4 ,to see a hostess fidgeting1 constantly going in and out1 argues ill for her tact in arranging the house for company4 ,with well-trained waiters1 you need give yourself no uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the parlors4 ,the perfection of good breeding in a hostess1 is perfect ease of manner2 for the time she should appear to have no thought or care beyond the pleasure of her guests4 ,have a waiter in the hall to open the front door1 and another at the head of the first flight of stairs1 to point out to the ladies and gentlemen their respective dressing-rooms4 ,never try to outshine your guests in dress4 ,it is vulgar in the extreme4 ,a hostess should be dressed as simply as is consistent with the occasion1 wearing1 if she will1 the richest fabrics1 exquisitely made1 but avoiding any display of jewels or gay colors1 such as will be1 probably1 more conspicuous than those worn by her guests4 ,remember1 from the moment your first guest enters the parlor1 you must forget yourself entirely to make the evening pleasant for others4 ,your duties will call you from one group to another1 and require constant watchfulness that no one guest is slighted4 ,be careful that none of the company are left to mope alone from being unacquainted with other guests4 ,introduce gentlemen to ladies1 and gentlemen to gentlemen1 ladies to ladies4 ,it requires much skill and tact to make a party for conversation only1 go off pleasantly4 ,you must invite only such guests as will mutually please1 and you must be careful about introductions4 ,if you have a literary lion upon your list1 it is well to invite other lions to meet him or her1 that the attention may not be constantly concentrated upon one person4 ,where you see a couple conversing slowly and wearily1 stir them up with a few sprightly words1 and introduce a new person1 either to make a trio1 or1 as a substitute in the duet1 carrying off the other one of the couple to find a more congenial companion elsewhere4 ,never interrupt an earnest or apparently interesting conversation4 ,neither party will thank you1 even if you propose the most delightful substitute4 ,if your party meet for reading1 have a table with the books in the centre of the apartment1 that will divide the room1 those reading being on one side1 the listeners on the other4 ,be careful here not to endeavor to shine above your guests1 leaving to them the most prominent places1 and taking1 cheerfully1 a subordinate place4 ,on the other hand1 if you are urged to display any talent you may possess in this way1 remember your only desire is to please your guests1 and if they are really desirous to listen to you1 comply1 gracefully and promptly1 with their wishes4 ,if you have dancing1 and have not engaged a band1 it is best to hire a pianist for the evening to play dancing music4 ,you will find it exceedingly wearisome to play yourself all the evening1 and it is ill-bred to ask any guest to play for others to dance4 ,this victimizing of some obliging guest is only too common1 but no true lady will ever be guilty of such rudeness4 ,if there are several members of the family able and willing to play1 let them divide this duty amongst them1 or1 if you wish to play yourself1 do so4 ,if any guest1 in this case1 offers to relieve you1 accept their kindness for one dance only4 ,young people1 who enjoy dancing1 but who also play well1 will often stay on the piano-stool all the evening1 because their own good-nature will not allow them to complain1 and their hostess wilfully1 or through negligence1 permits the tax4 ,see that your guests are well provided with partners1 introducing every gentleman and lady who dances1 to one who will dance well with them4 ,be careful that none sit still through your negligence in providing partners4 ,do not dance yourself1 when1 by so doing1 you are preventing a guest from enjoying that pleasure4 ,if a lady is wanted to make up a set1 then dance1 or if1 late in the evening1 you have but few lady dancers left1 but do not interfere with the pleasure in others4 ,if invited1 say that you do not wish to take the place of a guest upon the floor1 and introduce the gentleman who invites you to some lady friend who dances4 ,it is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices alone1 handed round at about ten o'clock1 having supper set two or three hours later4 ,they are very refreshing1 when it would be too early to have the more substantial supper announced4 ,it is very customary now1 even in large parties1 to have no refreshments but ice-cream1 lemonade1 and cake1 or1 in summer1 fruit1 cake1 and ices4 ,it is less troublesome1 as well as less expensive1 than a hot supper1 and the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently4 ,one word of warning to all hostesses4 ,you can never know1 when you place wine or brandy before your guests1 whom you may be tempting to utter ruin4 ,better1 far better1 to have a reputation as strict1 or mean1 than by your example1 or the temptation you offer1 to have the sin upon your soul of having put poison before those who partook of your hospitality4 ,it is not necessary2 hospitality and generosity do not require it1 and you will have the approval of all who truly love you for your good qualities1 if you resolutely refuse to have either wine or any other intoxicating liquor upon your supper-table4 ,if the evening of your party is stormy1 let a waiter stand in the vestibule with a large umbrella1 to meet the ladies at the carriage door1 and protect them whilst crossing the pavement and steps4 ,when your guests take leave of you1 it will be in the drawing-room1 and let that farewell be final4 ,do not accompany them to the dressing-room1 and never stop them in the hall for a last word4 ,many ladies do not like to display their sortie du soiree before a crowded room1 and you will be keeping their escort waiting4 ,say farewell in the parlor1 and do not repeat it4 ,if your party is mixed1 that is1 conversation1 dancing1 and music are all mingled1 remember it is your place to invite a guest to sing or play1 and be careful not to offend any amateur performers by forgetting to invite them to favor the company4 ,if they decline1 never urge the matter4 ,if the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or inability on that occasion1 it is rude to insist2 and if they refuse for the sake of being urged1 they will be justly punished by a disappointment4 ,if you have guests who1 performing badly1 will expect an invitation to play1 sacrifice their desire to the good of the others1 pass them by4 ,it is torture to listen to bad music4 ,do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once4 ,this is her fair share1 and you have no right to tax her too severely to entertain your other guests4 ,if1 however1 the performance is so pleasing that others ask for a repetition1 then you too may request it1 thanking the performer for the pleasure given4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,evening ,,parties4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,guest4 ,upon receiving an invitation for an evening party1 answer it immediately1 that your hostess may know for how many guests she must provide4 ,if1 after accepting an invitation1 any unforeseen event prevents your keeping the engagement1 write a second note1 containing your regrets4 ,the usual form is3-- ,miss ,g---- accepts with pleasure ,miss ,s----'s polite invitation for ,monday next2 or1 ,miss ,g---- regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her accepting ,miss ,s----'s kind invitation for ,monday evening4 ,punctuality is a mark of politeness1 if your invitation states the hour at which your hostess will be ready to welcome you4 ,do not be more than half an hour later than the time named1 but if unavoidably detained1 make no apology when you meet your hostess2 it will be in bad taste to speak of your want of punctuality4 ,when you arrive at your friend's house1 do not stop to speak to any one in the hall1 or upon the stairs1 but go immediately to the dressing room4 ,the gentleman who accompanies you will go to the door of the lady's room1 leave you1 to remove his own hat and over-coat1 and then return to the door to wait for you4 ,in the dressing-room1 do not push forward to the mirror if you see that others are before you there4 ,wait for your turn1 then perform the needful arrangements of your toilette quickly1 and re-join your escort as soon as possible4 ,if you meet friends in the lady's-room1 do not stop there to chat2 you keep your escort waiting1 and your friends will join you in the parlor a few moments later4 ,avoid all confidential communications or private remarks in the dressing-room4 ,you may be overheard1 and give pain or cause annoyance by your untimely conversation4 ,when you enter the parlor1 go immediately to your hostess1 and speak to her2 if the gentleman attending you is a stranger to the lady of the house1 introduce him1 and then join the other guests1 as by delaying1 to converse too long with your hostess1 you may prevent her speaking to others who have arrived later than yourself4 ,if you have no escort1 you may with perfect propriety send for the master of the house1 to wait upon you from the dressing-room to the parlor1 and as soon as you have spoken to the hostess1 thank your host and release him1 as the same attention may be required by others4 ,again1 when alone1 if you meet a friend in the dressing-room1 you may ask the privilege of entering the parlor with her and her escort2 or1 if she also is alone1 there is no impropriety in two ladies going into the room unattended by a gentleman4 ,while you maintain a cheerful deportment1 avoid loud talking and laughing1 and still more carefully avoid any action or gesture that may attract attention and make you conspicuous4 ,when dressing for a party1 while you show that you honor the occasion by a tasteful dress1 avoid glaring colors1 or any conspicuous ornament or style of costume4 ,avoid long tete-a-tete conversations2 they are in bad taste1 and to hold confidential communication1 especially with gentlemen1 is still worse4 ,do not make any display of affection for even your dearest friend2 kissing in public1 or embracing1 are in bad taste4 ,walking with arms encircling waists1 or such demonstrative tokens of love1 are marks of low breeding4 ,avoid crossing the room alone1 and never run1 even if you feel embarrassed1 and wish to cross quickly4 ,if you are a musician1 and certain that you will confer pleasure by a display of your talents1 do not make a show of reluctance when invited to play or sing4 ,comply gracefully1 and after one piece1 leave the instrument4 ,be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be invited1 and1 above all1 never hint that this would be agreeable4 ,if your hostess has requested you to bring your notes1 and you are dependent upon them1 bring them1 and quietly place them on the music stand1 or1 still better1 send them in the afternoon4 ,it is a better plan1 if you are called upon frequently to contribute in this way to the evening's amusement1 to learn a few pieces so as to play them perfectly well without notes4 ,never attempt any piece before company1 unless you are certain that you can play it without mistake or hesitation4 ,when you have finished your song or piece1 rise instantly from the piano stool1 as your hostess may wish to invite another guest to take the place4 ,if you have a reason for declining to play1 do so decidedly when first invited1 and do not change your decision4 ,if your hostess or any of the family play for the guests to dance1 it is both polite and kind to offer to relieve them2 and if truly polite themselves1 they will not take advantage of the offer1 to over tax your good nature4 ,when others are playing or singing1 listen quietly and attentively2 to laugh or talk loudly when there is music in the room1 is rude1 both toward the performer and your hostess4 ,if you are conversing at the time the music begins1 and you find that your companion is not disposed to listen to the performer at the harp or piano1 converse in a low tone1 and take a position at some distance from the instrument4 ,if the rooms are not large enough for all the guests to dance at one time1 do not dance every set1 even if invited4 ,it is ill-bred and selfish4 ,when you go up to supper1 do not accept anything from any gentleman but the one who has escorted you from the parlor4 ,if others offer you1 as they probably will1 any refreshment1 say that ,mr4 ---- 7naming your escort7 has gone to get you what you desire4 ,he has a right to be offended1 if1 after telling him what you wish for1 he returns to find you already supplied4 ,it is quite as rude to offer what he brings to another lady4 ,her escort is probably on the same errand from which yours has just returned4 ,it may seem trivial and childish to warn a lady against putting cakes or bon-bons in her pocket at supper1 yet it is often done by those who would deeply resent the accusation of rudeness or meanness4 ,it is not only ill-bred1 but it gives rise1 if seen1 to suspicions that you are so little accustomed to society1 or so starved at home1 that you are ignorant of the forms of etiquette1 or are forced to the theft by positive hunger4 ,if you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier hour than the other guests1 say so to your hostess in a low tone1 when you have an opportunity1 and then stay a short time in the room1 and slip out unperceived4 ,by a formal leave-taking1 you may lead others to suppose the hour later than it is in reality1 and thus deprive your hostess of other guests1 who1 but for your example1 would have remained longer4 ,french leave is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such occasions4 ,if you remain until the usual hour for breaking up1 go to your hostess before you leave the room1 express the pleasure you have enjoyed1 and bid her farewell4 ,within the next week1 you should call upon your hostess1 if it is the first party you have attended at her house4 ,if she is an intimate friend1 the call should be made within a fortnight4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,visiting4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,hostess4 ,when you write to invite a friend to visit you1 name a time when it will be convenient and agreeable for you to receive her1 and if she accepts your invitation1 so arrange your duties and engagements that they will not interfere with your devoting the principal part of your time to the entertainment of your guest4 ,if you have certain duties which must be performed daily1 say so frankly when she first arrives1 and see that during the time you are so occupied she has work1 reading1 music1 or some other employment1 to pass the time away pleasantly4 ,have a room prepared especially for her use1 and let her occupy it alone4 ,many persons have a dislike to any one sleeping with them1 and will be kept awake by a companion in the room or bed4 ,above all1 do not put a child to sleep in the chamber with your guest4 ,the day before your friend arrives1 have her room swept1 dusted1 and aired2 put clean1 fresh linen upon the bed1 see that the curtains are in good order1 the locks in perfect repair1 and the closet or wardrobe and bureau empty for her clothes4 ,have upon the bureau a pin cushion well filled1 hair pins1 brush and comb1 and two mirrors1 one large1 and one small for the hand1 as she may wish to smooth her hair1 without unpacking her own toilet articles4 ,upon the washstand1 have two pitchers full of water1 a cup1 tumbler1 soap-dish and soap1 basin1 brush-dish1 and a sponge1 wash rag1 and plenty of clean towels4 ,have both a feather bed and a mattress upon the bedstead1 that she may place whichever she prefers uppermost4 ,two sheets1 a blanket1 quilt1 and counterpane1 should be on the bed1 and there should be two extra blankets in the room1 should she require more covering in the night4 ,on the mantel piece1 place a few books that she may read1 if she wishes1 before sleeping4 ,have upon the mantel piece a box of matches1 and if the room is not lighted by gas1 have also a supply of candles in a box1 and a candlestick4 ,if the room is not heated by a furnace1 be careful that the fire is made every morning before she rises1 and keep a good supply of fuel in the room4 ,besides the larger chairs1 have a low one1 to use while changing the shoes or washing the feet4 ,upon the table1 place a full supply of writing materials1 as your guest may wish to send word of her safe arrival before unpacking her own writing-desk4 ,put two or three postage stamps upon this table4 ,be sure that bells1 locks1 hinges1 and windows1 are all in perfect order4 ,before your guest arrives1 go to her room4 ,if it is in winter1 have a good fire1 hot water on the washstand1 and see that the windows are tightly closed1 and the room cheerful with sunshine1 or plenty of candle or gas light4 ,if in summer1 draw the curtains1 bow the shutters1 open the windows1 and have a fan upon the table4 ,it is well to have a bath ready1 should your guest desire that refreshment after the dust and heat of traveling4 ,when the time arrives at which you may expect your guest1 send a carriage to the station to meet her1 and1 if possible1 go yourself1 or send some member of the family to welcome her there4 ,after her baggage is on the carriage1 drive immediately to the house1 and be certain all is ready there for her comfort4 ,as soon as she is at your house1 have her trunks carried immediately to her own room1 and lead her there yourself4 ,then1 after warmly assuring her how welcome she is1 leave her alone to change her dress1 bathe1 or lie down if she wishes4 ,if her journey has been a long one1 and it is not the usual hour for your next meal1 have a substantial repast ready for her about half an hour after her arrival1 with tea or coffee4 ,if she arrives late at night1 after she has removed her bonnet and bathed her face1 invite her to partake of a substantial supper1 and then pity her weariness and lead the way to her room4 ,she may politely assert that she can still sit up and talk1 but be careful you do not keep her up too long2 and do not waken her in the morning4 ,after the first day1 she will1 of course1 desire to breakfast at your usual hour1 but if she has had a long1 fatiguing journey1 she will be glad to sleep late the first day4 ,be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready when she does rise1 and take a seat at the table to wait upon her4 ,after the chambermaid has arranged the guest-chamber in the morning1 go in yourself and see that all is in order1 and comfortable1 and that there is plenty of fresh water and towels1 the bed properly made1 and the room dusted4 ,then do not go in again through the day1 unless invited4 ,if you are constantly running in1 to put a chair back1 open or shut the windows1 or arrange the furniture1 you will entirely destroy the pleasantest part of your guest's visit1 by reminding her that she is not at home1 and must not take liberties1 even in her own room4 ,it looks1 too1 as if you were afraid to trust her1 and thought she would injure the furniture4 ,if you have children1 forbid them to enter the room your friend occupies1 unless she invites them to do so1 or they are sent there with a message4 ,if your household duties will occupy your time for some hours in the morning1 introduce your guest to the piano1 book-case1 or picture-folio1 and place all at her service4 ,when your duties are finished1 either join her in her own room1 or invite her to sit with you1 and work1 chatting1 meanwhile1 together4 ,if you keep your own carriage1 place it at her disposal as soon as she arrives4 ,if she is a stranger in the city1 accompany her to the points of interest she may wish to visit1 and also offer to show her where to find the best goods1 should she wish to do any shopping4 ,enquire of your visitor if there is any particular habit she may wish to indulge in1 such as rising late1 retiring early1 lying down in the daytime1 or any other habit that your family do not usually follow4 ,if there is1 arrange it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort4 ,if there is any dish which is distasteful to her1 avoid placing it upon the table during her visit1 and if she mentions1 in conversation1 any favorite dish1 have it frequently placed before her4 ,if she is accustomed to eat just before retiring1 and your family do not take supper1 see that something is sent to her room every night4 ,if your friend has intimate friends in the same city1 beside yourself1 it is an act of kindly courtesy to invite them to dinner1 tea1 or to pass a day1 and when calls are made1 and you see that it would be pleasant1 invite the caller to remain to dinner or tea4 ,never accept any invitation1 either to a party1 ball1 or public entertainment1 that does not include your guest4 ,in answering the invitation give that as your reason for declining1 when another note will be sent enclosing an invitation for her4 ,if the invitation is from an intimate friend1 say1 in answering it1 that your guest is with you1 and that she will accompany you4 ,it is a mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and courtesy require constant attention to a guest4 ,there are times when she may prefer to be alone1 either to write letters1 to read1 or practice4 ,some ladies follow a guest from one room to another1 never leaving them alone for a single instant1 when they would enjoy an hour or two in the library or at the piano1 but do not like to say so4 ,the best rule is to make your guest feel that she is heartily welcome1 and perfectly at home4 ,when she is ready to leave you1 see that her trunks are strapped in time by the servants1 have a carriage ready to take her to the station1 have the breakfast or dinner at an hour that will suit her1 prepare a luncheon for her to carry1 and let some gentleman in the family escort her to the wharf1 check her trunks1 and procure her tickets4 ,if your guest is in mourning1 decline any invitations to parties or places of amusement whilst she is with you4 ,show her by such little attentions that you sympathize in her recent affliction1 and that the pleasure of her society1 and the love you bear her1 make such sacrifices of gayety trifling1 compared with the sweet duty of comforting her4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,visiting4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,guest4 ,as a first rule with regard to paying a visit1 the best one is1 never to accept a general invitation4 ,instances are very common where women 7,i cannot say ladies7 have1 upon a slight acquaintance1 and a ,when you are in ,c---- ,i should be very happy to have you visit me1 actually gone to ,c---- from their own home1 and1 with bag and baggage1 quartered themselves upon the hospitality of their newly made friend1 for weeks at a time4 ,even where there is a long standing friendship it is not well to visit uninvited4 ,it is impossible for you1 in another city1 to know exactly when it will be convenient for your friend to have you visit her1 unless she tells you1 and that will1 of course1 be a special invitation4 ,if your friends are really desirous to have you pay them a visit1 they will name a time when it will be convenient and agreeable to have you come1 and you may accept the invitation with the certainty that you will not incommode them4 ,self-proposed visits are still worse4 ,you1 in a manner1 force an invitation from your friend when you tell her that you can come at a certain time1 unless you have previously arranged to let her know when you can be her guest4 ,in that case1 your own time is understood to be the most agreeable for her4 ,if1 whilst traveling1 you pass through a town where you have friends whom you wish to visit1 and who would be hurt if you omitted to do so1 go first to a hotel1 and either call or send word that you are there4 ,then1 it is optional with them to extend their hospitality or not4 ,do not be offended if it is not done4 ,the love for you may be undiminished1 and the desire to entertain you very great1 yet family reasons may render such an invitation as you expect1 impossible4 ,your friend may have engagements or duties at the time1 that would prevent her making the visit pleasant for you1 and wish to postpone the invitation until she can entertain you as she wishes4 ,to drive1 trunks and all1 in such a case1 to your friend's house1 without a word of warning1 is unkind1 as well as ill-bred4 ,you force her to invite you to stay1 when it may be inconvenient1 and1 even if she is really glad to see you1 and wishes you to make a prolonged visit1 you may feel certain she would have preferred to know you were coming4 ,if she really loves you1 her natural desire would be to have everything ready to give you a comfortable reception1 and not have to leave you1 perhaps with your traveling costume on1 for an hour or two1 while she prepares a room for you4 ,it is not enough to say1 at such a time1 ,don't mind me1 or1 ,treat me as one of the family4 ,however much her politeness or love may conceal annoyance1 be sure1 in her secret heart she does mind you1 and remember you are not one of her private family4 ,to take the liberty of going to the house of a mere acquaintance1 for a night or two1 while traveling1 without invitation1 is making a convenience of them1 and wears the appearance of wishing to save the customary hotel-bill1 so1 while it is extremely ill-bred and impertinent1 it is also excessively mean4 ,in case of relationship1 or long intimate friendship1 an unexpected visit may be pardoned and give pleasure1 but it is better to avoid it1 as the pleasure will surely be increased if your relative or friend has time to prepare for your reception as her love will prompt1 and arrange her duties and engagements to really enjoy your company4 ,when you receive an invitation by letter to visit a friend1 answer it immediately1 thanking her for her proffered hospitality1 and say decidedly then whether you can accept or decline4 ,if you accept the invitation1 state in your letter by what train1 and at what hour you will arrive1 that she may meet you1 and let nothing but positive necessity keep you from being punctually at the time and place appointed4 ,to linger by the way1 for mere pleasure1 and make her come several times to meet you1 is unkind1 as well as ill-bred4 ,if you are unavoidably detained1 write to her1 state the reason that will prevent your keeping the appointment1 and name another time when you can come4 ,it is well in answering a letter of invitation1 to state the limits of your visit1 and then to keep them4 ,if she is unwilling to let you go1 and you are tempted to stay1 that very fact promises well for the pleasure of a second visit4 ,it is better to leave while all will regret you1 than to linger on until you have worn out your welcome4 ,inquire1 as soon as possible after your arrival1 what are the regular habits of the family2 the hours for rising1 for meals1 and for retiring1 and then be punctual in your attendance4 ,many ladies are very ceremonious about waiting for a guest1 and by delay in your room1 or inattention to the time1 when you are out1 you will keep the whole family waiting4 ,if you do not wake early enough for the usual breakfast hour1 request the chambermaid to knock at your door in time for you to be ready to go down with the family4 ,before you leave your room in the morning1 take the clothes off your bed1 throw the upper bed over the foot-board1 and then open all the windows 7unless it storms71 that room and bed may be thoroughly aired before you sit there again4 ,after breakfast1 ask your hostess if you can be of any assistance to her in the household duties4 ,if she declines your services1 do not follow her from room to room whilst she is thus engaged1 but take your work1 books1 or music to the sitting room or parlor1 until your own room is ready for you4 ,by thus proving that you can occupy yourself pleasantly1 while she is away1 you make it less annoying to her to feel the obligation to leave you4 ,as soon as you see that she is ready to sew and chat1 leave your book1 or1 if in your own room1 come to the sitting room1 where she is1 and work with her4 ,it is polite and kind1 if you see that she has a large supply of family sewing1 to offer to assist her1 but if she positively declines your aid1 then have some work of your own on hand1 that you may sew with her4 ,many pleasant mornings may be spent while visiting1 by one lady reading aloud whilst the other sews1 alternating the work4 ,it is a pretty compliment to repay the hospitality of your hostess1 by working whilst with her upon some piece of fancy work1 a chair cover1 sofa cushion1 or pair of ottomans1 presenting them to her when finished1 as a keepsake4 ,they will be duly appreciated1 and remind her constantly of the pleasures of your visit4 ,if you pass the morning out of the house1 remember your time is hers1 and have no engagement to interfere with the plans she has laid for entertaining you4 ,observe this rule during your whole visit1 and do not act independent of her plans4 ,by constantly forming engagements without her knowledge1 going out without her1 or staying in when she has made some excursion or party for your pleasure1 you insult her1 by intimating that her house is no more to you than a hotel1 to sleep and eat in1 while your pleasures lie elsewhere4 ,after dinner1 retire for an hour to your own room1 that your hostess may lie down if she is accustomed to do so4 ,if the hours kept are later than you have been accustomed to1 or if the gayety of the family keeps you out at party or opera1 it is best to sleep after dinner1 even if you do not always do it4 ,to give signs of weariness in the evening will be excessively rude1 implying want of enjoyment1 and making your hostess feel hurt and annoyed4 ,if you have shopping to do1 find out where the best stores are1 and then go to them alone1 unless your hostess will accompany you upon similar business of her own4 ,do not tax her good nature to go1 merely for the sake of aiding you as guide4 ,if one of the children in the family is familiar with the stores and streets1 ask her to accompany you1 and be careful to acknowledge the kindness by buying something especially for the child whilst she is out with you1 if it is only some cakes or bonbons4 ,choose an hour when you are certain your hostess has made no other engagement for you1 or while she is busy in her domestic duties1 for these shopping excursions4 ,offer1 when you are going1 to attend to any shopping she may want1 and ask if there is any commission you can execute for her while you are out4 ,while on a visit to one friend1 do not accept too many invitations from others1 and avoid spending too much time in paying calls where your hostess is not acquainted4 ,you owe the greater portion of your time and society to the lady whose hospitality you are accepting1 and it is best to decline invitations from other houses1 unless they inclose one for your hostess also4 ,avoid paying any visits in a family not upon good terms with your hostess4 ,if such a family are very dear friends of your own1 or you can claim an acquaintance1 pleasant upon both sides1 with them1 write1 and state candidly the reason why you cannot visit them1 and they will appreciate your delicacy4 ,if1 while on a visit to one friend1 you receive an invitation to spend some time with another friend in the same place1 accept it for the period which you have named as the termination of your first visit4 ,you insult your hostess by shortening your visit to her to accept another invitation1 and quite as much of an insult is it1 to take the time from the first visit to go to pay another1 and then return to your first hostess1 unless such an arrangement has been made immediately upon your arrival4 ,never invite any friend who may call upon you to stay to dinner or tea2 you will be taking a most unwarrantable liberty in so doing4 ,this is the right of your hostess1 and if1 by her silence1 she tacitly declines extending this courtesy1 you will be guilty of impertinence in usurping her privilege4 ,never take any one who calls upon you into any room but the parlor1 unless invited to do so by your hostess4 ,you have1 of course1 the entree of other rooms1 but you have no right to extend this privilege to others4 ,if you have many gentlemen visiters1 check too frequent calls1 and make no appointments with them4 ,if they show you any such attention as to offer to drive you to places of interest1 or visit with you picture galleries or public places1 always consult your hostess before accepting such civilities1 and decline them if she has made other engagements for you4 ,if you receive an invitation to visit any place of public amusement1 decline it1 unless one of the family with whom you are staying is also invited4 ,in that case you may accept4 ,if the gentleman who invites you is a stranger to the family1 introduce him to your hostess1 or mention her name in conversation4 ,he will then1 if he really desires you to accept his proffered attention1 include her in the invitation4 ,when visiting in a family where the members are in mourning1 decline all invitations to parties or places of public amusement4 ,it is an insult to them to leave them to join in pleasure from which their recent affliction excludes them4 ,your visit at such a time will be prompted by sympathy in their trouble1 and for the time it is thoughtful and delicate to make their sorrows yours4 ,if sudden sickness or family trouble come to your friend whilst you are with her1 unless you can really be useful1 shorten your visit4 ,in time of trouble families generally like to be alone1 all in all to each other2 and a visitor is felt a constant restraint4 ,if death comes while you are with your friend1 endeavor to take from her as much of the care as you can1 a really sympathizing friend is an inexpressible comfort at such a time1 as the trying details which must be taken in charge by some one1 will be less trying to her than to a member of the family4 ,do the necessary shopping for your friend1 and relieve her of as much family care as you can4 ,let her feel that you are really glad that you are near her in her affliction1 and repay the hospitality she offered in her season of joy by showing her that her sorrow makes her still more dear1 and that1 while you can enjoy the gayety of her house1 you will not flee from its mourning4 ,when your presence can be of no further service1 then leave her4 ,put out your washing and ironing when on a visit4 ,it is annoying and ill-bred to throw your soiled clothes into the family wash4 ,take with you1 from home1 all the writing and sewing materials you may require while paying your visit4 ,it is annoying to be constantly requested by a visitor to lend her scissors1 pins1 needles1 or paper2 no lady should be without her own portfolio and work-box4 ,be very careful not to injure any article of furniture in your sleeping apartment1 and if1 unfortunately1 anything suffers from your carelessness1 have the accident repaired1 or the article replaced1 at your own expense4 ,when your visit is over1 give a present to each of the servants1 varying its value1 according to the length of your visit or the services you may have required4 ,you will add to the pleasure by presenting such gifts yourself1 with a few pleasant words4 ,never compare the house you may be visiting with your own1 or any other you may visit4 ,avoid also speaking of any house where you may have been a guest in terms of overpraise1 giving glowing pictures of its splendor4 ,your hostess may imagine you are drawing comparisons unfavorable to your present residence4 ,also avoid speaking unfavorably of any former visit1 as your hostess will naturally conclude that her turn for censure will come as soon as your visit is over4 ,if any family secret comes to your knowledge while you are on a visit in that family1 remember the hospitality extended to you binds you to the most inviolable secrecy4 ,it is mean1 contemptible1 rude1 and ill-bred to make your entertainers regret their hospitality by betraying any such confidence2 for it is as sacred a confidence as if you were bound over to silence in the most solemn manner4 ,after paying a visit1 you should write to your hostess as soon as you reach home again2 thank her in this letter for her hospitality1 speak warmly of the enjoyment you have had in your recent visit1 and mention by name every member of the family1 desiring to be remembered to all4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,morning ,,receptions ,,or ,,calls4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,hostess4 ,if your circle of visiting acquaintance is very large1 while at the same time your time is fully occupied1 or your home duties make it inconvenient to dress every morning to receive visitors1 it is a good plan to set aside one morning in the week for a reception day4 ,upon your own visiting cards1 below the name1 put the day when it will be proper to return the visit1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,hunter4 ,,at ,,home ,,wednesdays4 ,no4 #agah ,c---- st4 ,your friends will1 unless there is some especial reason for a call in the interval1 pay their visit upon the day named4 ,let nothing1 but the most imperative duty1 call you out upon your reception day4 ,your callers are1 in a measure1 invited guests1 and it will be an insulting mark of rudeness to be out when they call4 ,neither can you be excused1 except in case of sickness4 ,having appointed the day when you will be at home to see your friends1 you must1 for that day1 prepare to give your time wholly to them4 ,the usual hours for morning receptions are from twelve to three1 and you should be dressed1 and ready for callers1 at least half an hour before that time4 ,to come in1 flushed from a hurried toilette1 to meet your first callers1 is unbecoming as well as rude4 ,your dress should be handsome1 but not showy4 ,a silk or cashmere wrapper1 richly trimmed1 over an embroidered skirt1 with a pretty cap1 or the hair neatly arranged without head-dress1 is a becoming and appropriate dress4 ,still better is a rich but plain silk1 made high in the neck1 with long sleeves4 ,wear a handsomely embroidered1 or lace collar1 and sleeves1 and a rather dressy cap1 or1 still better1 the hair alone1 prettily arranged4 ,as each visitor arrives1 rise1 and advance part of the way to meet her4 ,if gentlemen1 rise1 but do not advance4 ,it is not customary now to introduce callers at these morning receptions1 though you can do so with perfect propriety where you know such an introduction will be agreeable to both parties4 ,in introducing a gentleman to a lady1 address her first1 as-- ,miss ,jones1 permit me to introduce ,mr4 ,lee2 and1 when introducing a young lady to a matron1 you introduce the younger one to the elder1 as-- ,mrs4 ,green1 allow me to introduce to you my friend1 ,miss ,brown4 ,in introducing strangers in the city it is well to name the place of their residence1 as--,mr4 ,james of ,germany1 or1 ,mr4 ,brown of ,new ,york1 or1 if they have recently returned from abroad1 it is well to say so1 as1 ,mr4 ,lee1 lately from ,india2 this is useful in starting conversation4 ,be careful1 when introducing your friends1 to pronounce the name of each one clearly and distinctly1 that there may be no mistake or necessity for repetition4 ,it is a good plan1 if your receptions are usually largely attended1 to have books and pictures on the centre table1 and scattered about your parlors4 ,you must1 of course1 converse with each caller1 but many will remain in the room for a long time1 and these trifles are excellent pastime1 and serve as subjects for conversation4 ,it requires much tact to know when to introduce friends1 when to take refuge under the shield fashion offers1 and not make them acquainted with each other4 ,it is a positive cruelty to force a talented1 witty person1 to converse with one who is ignorant and dull1 as they will1 of course1 be obliged to do1 if introduced4 ,a well-bred lady1 who is receiving several visitors at a time1 pays equal attention to all1 and attempts1 as much as possible1 to generalize the conversation1 turning to all in succession4 ,the last arrival1 however1 receives a little more attention at first1 than the others4 ,if it is not agreeable to you to set aside a day for the especial reception of callers1 and you have a large circle of acquaintances1 be ready to receive them each day that you are at home4 ,if you are engaged1 let the servant say so when she opens the door1 and do not send down that message after your friend has been admitted4 ,if she is told when she arrives that you are engaged1 she will understand that you are denied to all callers1 but if that message comes after she has sent up her card1 she may draw the inference that you will not see her1 though you may see other friends4 ,never keep a caller waiting whilst you make an elaborate toilette4 ,if you are not ready for visitors1 it is best to enter the parlor in your wrapper1 apologizing for it1 than to keep your friend waiting whilst you change your dress4 ,if a stranger calls1 bringing a letter of introduction1 and sends the letter1 you may read it before going down stairs1 but if they wait till you are in the parlor before presenting the letter1 merely glance at the signature and at the name of your caller2 do not read the letter through1 unless it is very short1 or you are requested by the bearer to do so4 ,if you have a friend staying with you1 invite her to join you in the parlor when you have callers1 and introduce her to your friends4 ,if you wish to invite a caller to stay to luncheon or dinner1 give the invitation as soon as you have exchanged greetings1 not after she has been seated for some time4 ,in the latter case it appears like an after thought1 not1 as in the former1 as if from a real desire to have the pleasure of her company4 ,if you have but one caller at a time1 rise when she does1 and accompany her to the vestibule2 but1 if there are several in the room1 rise when each one does1 but only accompany them to the parlor door2 there take leave of them1 and return to those who still remain seated4 ,if1 after affliction1 your friends call before you are able to see them1 do not fear to give offence by declining to receive them4 ,they will respect your sorrow1 and the call is made more to show their sympathy than from a desire to converse with you4 ,visits of condolence1 paid between the death of one of your family and the day of the funeral1 you may always excuse yourself from1 with perfect propriety4 ,they are made in kindness1 and show interest1 but if you decline seeing such callers1 there is no offence given4 ,in parting from a gentleman caller1 rise when he does1 and remain standing until he leaves the room1 but do not go towards the door4 ,when a gentleman calls in the morning he will not remove his outside coat1 and will hold his hat in his hand4 ,never offer to take the latter1 and do not invite him to remove his coat4 ,take no notice of either one or the other4 ,if strangers in the city call upon you1 enquire at what hotel they are staying1 and how long they will be there1 that you may return their call before they leave town4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,morning ,,receptions ,,or ,,calls4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,caller4 ,the usual hours for paying morning calls are between eleven and two1 or twelve and three1 and all calls of ceremony should be made between these hours4 ,never1 in paying a ceremonious call1 stay more than twenty minutes1 or less than ten4 ,if your hostess has several other visitors at the same time that you are in her parlor1 make your visit short1 that she may have more attention to bestow upon others4 ,after you have received an invitation to a party1 call within a week or fortnight after the evening1 whether you have accepted or declined the invitation4 ,if you have declined on account of mourning1 the excuse extends also to the call4 ,when the servant answers your ring1 hand in your card4 ,if your friend is out or engaged1 leave the card1 and if she is in1 send it up4 ,never call without cards4 ,you may offend your friend1 as she may never hear of your call1 if she is out at the time1 and you trust to the memory of the servant4 ,if your friend is at home1 after sending your card up to her by the servant1 go into the parlor to wait for her4 ,sit down quietly1 and do not leave your seat until you rise to meet her as she enters the room4 ,to walk about the parlor1 examining the ornaments and pictures1 is ill-bred4 ,it is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn over to read the cards in her card basket4 ,if she keeps you waiting for a long time1 you may take a book from the centre-table to pass away the interval4 ,never1 while waiting in a friend's parlor1 go to the piano and play till she comes4 ,this is a breach of good-breeding often committed1 and nothing can be more ill-bred4 ,you may be disturbing an invalid unawares1 or you may prevent your friend1 if she has children1 from coming down stairs at all1 by waking the baby4 ,if you are a stranger in the city1 and bring a letter of introduction to your hostess1 send this letter up stairs with your card1 that she may read it1 and know how to welcome you when she comes down stairs4 ,in this case1 write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you are staying1 and mention in the course of conversation1 how long you will be in the city4 ,if you have a visitor1 and desire to introduce her to your friends1 you may invite her to accompany you when paying calls4 ,in making a call for condolence1 it is sufficient to leave a card with your enquiries for the health of your friend1 and offers of service4 ,the same if calling upon invalids1 if they are too ill to see you4 ,in visits of congratulation1 go in1 and be hearty in your expressions of interest and sympathy4 ,pay visits1 both of condolence and congratulation1 within a week after the event which calls for them occurs4 ,it is proper1 when you have already made your call of the usual length1 and another caller is announced1 to rise and leave1 not immediately1 as if you shunned the new arrival1 but after a moment or two4 ,never out-sit two or three parties of visitors1 unless you have private business with your hostess which cannot be postponed4 ,many denounce the system of morning calls as silly1 frivolous1 and a waste of time4 ,they are wrong4 ,it may be carried to an excess1 and so admit of these objections1 but in moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one4 ,you have then an opportunity of making friends of mere acquaintances1 and you can1 in a pleasant chat with a friend at home1 have more real enjoyment in her society than in a dozen meetings in large companies1 with all the formality and restraint of a party thrown around you4 ,there are many subjects of conversation which are pleasant in a parlor1 tete-a-tete with a friend1 which you would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon1 or in the street4 ,personal inquiries1 private affairs can be cosily chatted over4 ,in paying your visits of condolence1 show1 by your own quiet gravity1 that you sympathize in the recent affliction of your friend4 ,though you may endeavor to comfort and cheer her1 you must avoid a gay or careless air1 as it will be an insult at such a time4 ,avoid any allusion to the past that may be trying for her to hear or answer1 yet do not ignore the subject entirely1 as that appears like a want of interest in it4 ,though you may feel happy1 avoid parading your own joyousness at such a time2 whatever your own feeling may be1 respect the sorrow of another4 ,never sit gazing curiously around the room when paying a call1 as if taking a mental inventory of the furniture4 ,it is excessively rude4 ,it is still worse to appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may occur4 ,if1 while paying a call1 you perceive that any unforeseen matter in the family1 calls for the attention of the lady of the house1 leave instantly1 no matter how short your call has been4 ,your friend may not appear to notice the screams of a child1 a noise in the kitchen1 or the cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught fire1 but you may be sure she does hear it1 and though too well-bred to speak of it1 will heartily rejoice to say good-bye4 ,do not take a child with you to pay calls1 until it is old enough to behave quietly and with propriety4 ,to have a troublesome child constantly touching the parlor ornaments1 balancing itself on the back of a chair1 leaning from a window1 or performing any of the thousand tricks in which children excel1 is an annoyance1 both to yourself and your hostess4 ,make no remark upon the temperature of the room1 or its arrangement1 when you enter it4 ,never open or shut a window or door without asking permission1 and unless really suffering from excessive heat or cold1 refrain from asking leave to take this liberty4 ,if you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's private apartment1 you will1 of course1 accept the invitation1 but never go up stairs uninvited4 ,when you reach her door1 if the servant has not preceded and announced you1 knock1 and await her invitation to enter4 ,then1 once in1 take no notice of the room1 but go instantly to your friend4 ,if she is sewing1 do not speak of the nature of her work1 but request her to continue1 as if you were not present4 ,in cases of long standing friendship1 you will not1 of course1 stand upon the ceremony of waiting for each and every one of your calls to be returned before paying another1 but be careful that you are not too lavish of your visits4 ,the most cordial welcome may be worn threadbare1 if it is called into use too often4 ,if you are visiting an invalid1 or one confined by physical infirmity to one apartment1 while you are cheerful and ready to impart all the news that will interest them1 do not1 by too glowing descriptions of out-door pleasures1 make them feel more keenly their own deprivations4 ,it is well1 when making such calls1 to converse upon literature1 or such general subjects as will not remind them of their misfortune4 ,in cases where1 from long illness or other infirmity1 a gentleman friend is confined entirely to his room1 you may1 with perfect propriety1 call upon him4 ,it is both polite and kind to do so1 as otherwise he would be deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends4 ,many thus unfortunately situated1 from study and reading while so shut out from the world1 become the most delightful companions4 ,if1 when you make a call1 you unfortunately intrude upon an early dinner hour1 do not go in1 but leave your card1 and say that you will call again4 ,if you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the same house1 do not send up your card to both at the same time4 ,if one is out1 send a card to her room1 and then send up for the other4 ,if the first one is in1 wait till she comes down1 and then chat as long as a call usually lasts4 ,when you rise as if to take leave1 accompany your friend to the parlor door1 then tell her that you are going to send up for your other friend4 ,she will bid you good-morning1 and go to her own room2 ring the bell after she leaves you1 and send your card by the waiter to your other friend4 ,in calling at a hotel1 enter by the ladies' door1 and send your card to the room of your friend by the waiter4 ,it is well1 if you are calling upon an entire stranger1 to choose a seat1 and tell the waiter to say to the lady exactly where she will find you4 ,she will probably enter with your card in her hand2 then rise1 greet her by name1 and introduce yourself4 ,if you speak to another stranger upon the same errand as the one you expect1 the error will be instantly perceived by the difference in name4 ,if a stranger1 bringing a letter of introduction1 sends the letter with her card1 instead of calling1 courtesy requires you to make the first call1 immediately2 the same day that you receive the letter1 if possible1 if not1 the day after4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,dinner ,,company4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,hostess4 ,in issuing invitations for a large dinner party1 the usual form is-- ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,g---- request the favor of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,l----'s company to dinner1 on ,wednesday1 ,march #hth1 at ---- o'clock4 ,if your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only1 he will have a card printed or written for the occasion1 but your duties as hostess1 if he wishes you to preside1 will still be as arduous as if your own friends were included in the invitation4 ,the directions given in the chapter on ,evening parties for the arrangement of the parlor and the dressing-rooms1 will apply here equally well1 but the dining-room 7in this case the centre of attraction7 requires still more careful attention4 ,any fault here will mar your own comfort and the pleasure of your guests1 and must be carefully avoided4 ,send out your invitations by a servant1 or man hired for the purpose2 do not trust them to despatch or penny post4 ,be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party4 ,remember that conversation will be the sole entertainment for several hours1 and if your guests are not well chosen1 your dinner1 no matter how perfect or costly the viands1 will prove a failure4 ,the most agreeable dinners are those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join in a common conversation1 and where the host has spirit and intelligence to take the lead1 and start a new subject when the interest in the old one begins to flag4 ,dinners where the guests depend entirely upon the person next them for conversation1 are apt to be stupid1 as it requires marvelous tact to pair off all the couples1 so that every one will be entertaining in tete-a-tete conversation4 ,to give a good dinner1 your means1 room1 and establishment must all be taken into consideration when you are preparing for a dinner company4 ,if you invite a large number1 you must increase your establishment for the occasion1 as to sit down to a dinner badly served1 with a scarcity of waiters1 is tiresome1 and shows little tact or grace on the part of the hostess4 ,one cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more than ten persons1 and three waiters will find ample employment in waiting upon the same number4 ,more than this number will require a table too large for general1 easy conversation1 and throw your company into couples or trios1 for entertainment4 ,have your table spread in a room that will accommodate all the guests comfortably1 at the same time avoid putting a small social party in a large room1 where they will appear lost in the space around them4 ,let the room be comfortably warmed1 and if your dinner is late1 have the apartments well lighted4 ,if you sit down by daylight1 but will remain in the room until after dark1 have the shutters closed and the lights lit1 before the dinner is announced1 as nothing can be more awkward than to do this in the middle of the meal4 ,the shape of a table is a point of more importance than some people think4 ,if you wish your dinner to be social--not a mere collection of tete-a-tetes--the table should be of a shape which will make it easy for each guest to address any one at the table4 ,the long parallelogram1 with the host at one end and the hostess at the other1 is stiff1 too broad1 too long1 and isolates the givers of the feast from the guests4 ,the round table1 if large enough to accommodate many guests1 has too large a diameter each way for easy conversation4 ,the best table is the oval1 and the host and hostess should sit in the middle of each side1 facing each other4 ,the dining room1 even in the heat of summer1 should be carpeted1 to deaden the noise of the servants' feet4 ,the chairs should be easy1 without arms1 and with tall1 slanting backs4 ,it adds much to the comfort1 if each person is provided with a foot-stool4 ,you must have1 besides the waiters1 one servant to carve1 and he must be an adept4 ,no dish should be carved upon the table1 and that no guest shall wait too long for his meat1 you must engage a rapid and dexterous carver4 ,for a party of ten1 two waiters1 and the carver1 are amply sufficient4 ,if you have too many servants1 they will only interfere with each other1 and stand staring at the guests4 ,give your orders before dinner1 and through the meal never speak to the servants4 ,your whole attention must be given to the guests4 ,even if you see that matters are going wrong1 do not let your annoyance appear1 but gracefully ignore the painful facts4 ,let each servant have his regular position at the table4 ,one should take the guests at the right of the hostess1 and the left of the host2 the other the guests on the other side4 ,they should wear light1 noiseless shoes1 and white gloves1 and each one carry a folded napkin over his right arm4 ,the main point in the arrangement of the table itself1 is to secure beauty1 without interfering with conversation4 ,the table cover and napkins must be of snowy damask1 the glass clear as crystal1 and taste must preside over each detail4 ,let nothing high be placed on the table1 that will effectually separate the guests from each other4 ,there should be1 first1 a handsome centre piece1 and this may be of glass1 silver1 or china1 and not too high or large1 and must be elegant as a work of art1 or it is better omitted altogether4 ,preserve or fruit stands1 tastefully decorated1 with the fruit on fresh1 green leaves1 and flowers mingled with them1 form exquisite centre pieces4 ,a pyramid of flowers1 or tasty vase or basket1 forms1 too1 a beautiful ornament for the centre of the table4 ,in addition to this1 the ,french scatter vases of flowers all over the table1 at the corners and in the centre4 ,some place a small1 fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest4 ,nothing can be more beautiful than this arrangement4 ,glasses of celery1 dishes of clear1 transparent jellies or preserves1 exquisite little glass plates of pickles should stand in order on the table4 ,place before each guest1 the plate1 knife1 fork1 spoon1 four wine-glasses of various sizes1 the goblet for water1 napkin1 small salt cellar1 salt spoon1 and roll of bread4 ,place none of the meats or vegetables upon the large table4 ,these should all be served at a side-table1 each guest selecting his own1 to be handed by the servants4 ,the first course is soup4 ,as this is not meant to destroy the appetite for other viands1 it should be light1 not too rich or thick4 ,let the servant hand one ladlefull to each person4 ,if you have more than one kind1 he must first inquire which each guest prefers4 ,if you have wines1 let them be handed round after the soup4 ,next comes the fish4 ,if you have large fish1 let a slice1 cut smoothly1 not made into a hash by awkward carving1 be placed upon the plate of the guest1 with a slice of egg1 and drawn butter4 ,if the fish are small1 one should be placed upon each plate4 ,then come the patties of oysters1 minced veal1 or lobster2 or1 instead of these1 you may have poultry or game4 ,next the roast4 ,with the meats have vegetables served on a separate plate1 that the guest may take as much as he wishes with meat4 ,you will1 of course1 have a variety of vegetables1 but scarcely any guest will choose more than two4 ,the pastry and puddings come next in order1 and these1 too1 are better served from a side table4 ,between the pastry and the dessert1 have salad and cheese placed before each guest4 ,if you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in1 it should be placed upon the table 7with the exception of the ices7 before the guests are seated1 and this comes after the pastry has been discussed4 ,it should consist of fruit and ices4 ,a pleasanter and more elegant way1 is to have the fruit and ices spread in a separate room1 and leave the dining room after the pastry has been eaten4 ,the change of position1 the absence of the meat flavor in the atmosphere1 make the dessert much more delightful than if it is eaten in the same room as the dinner4 ,in summer especially1 the change to a cool1 fresh room1 where the ices and fruits are tastefully spread1 and flowers are scattered profusely about the room1 delights every sense4 ,coffee follows the dessert1 and when this enters1 if your guests are gentlemen only1 your duty is at an end4 ,you may then rise1 leave the room1 and need not re-appear4 ,if you have lady guests1 you give the signal for rising after coffee1 and lead the way to the parlor1 where1 in a few moments1 the gentlemen will again join you4 ,suppose your guests invited1 servants instructed1 every arrangement made1 and the important day arrived4 ,the next point to consider is the reception of your guests4 ,be dressed in good season1 as many seem to consider an invitation to dinner as one to pass the day1 and come early4 ,take a position in your drawing-room1 where each guest will find you easily1 and remain near it1 until every guest has arrived4 ,as each one enters1 advance to meet him1 and extend your hand4 ,have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room1 as an invitation to dinner by no means argues a stand up party4 ,as you have already arranged every detail1 your duty as hostess consists in receiving your guests gracefully1 conversing and looking as charmingly as possible4 ,flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of taste as in the dining room4 ,as the time just before dinner is very apt to be tiresome1 you should bring forward all the armor against stupidity that you possess4 ,display upon tables arranged conveniently about the room1 curiosities1 handsome books1 photographs1 engravings1 stereoscopes1 medallions1 any works of art you may own1 and have the ottomans1 sofas1 and chairs so placed that your guests can move easily about the room1 or rooms4 ,the severest test of good breeding in a lady1 is in the position of hostess1 receiving dinner guests4 ,your guests may arrive all at once1 yet you must make each one feel that he or she is the object of your individual attention1 and none must be hurt by neglect4 ,they may arrive very early1 yet your duty is to make the time fly until dinner is announced4 ,they may come late1 and risk the ruin of your choicest dishes1 yet you must not1 upon pain of a breach of etiquette1 show the least annoyance4 ,if you know that the whole kitchen is in arms at the delay1 you must conceal the anguish1 as the ,spartan boy did his pangs1 to turn a cheerful1 smiling face upon the tardy guests4 ,when dinner is announced1 you will lead the way to the dining-room upon the arm of one of your gentlemen guests1 having paired off the company in couples4 ,the host comes in last with a lady upon his arm4 ,you may indicate to each couple1 as they enter the dining-room1 the seats they are to occupy1 standing until all are seated1 or you may allow them to choose their own places4 ,the ,english fashion of placing a card upon each plate with the name of the person to take that seat upon it1 is a good one4 ,it enables the hostess to place those whom she is certain will be mutually entertaining1 next each other4 ,place the gentleman who escorts you from the parlor at your right hand4 ,having once taken your seat at table1 you have nothing to do with the dinner but to partake of it4 ,not a word1 or even a glance1 will a well-bred hostess bestow upon the servants1 nor will she speak to the guests of the dishes4 ,their choice rests between themselves and the waiters1 and you must take no notice of what they eat1 how much1 or how little4 ,nay1 should they partake of one dish only1 you must ignore the fact4 ,the greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes each guest feel perfectly at ease4 ,she will aid her husband both in leading and supporting the conversation1 and will see that no guest is left in silence from want of attention4 ,whilst she ignores every breach of etiquette her guests may commit1 she must carefully observe every rule herself1 and this she must do in an easy1 natural manner1 avoiding every appearance of restraint4 ,her deportment1 she may be sure1 is secretly watched and criticised by each guest1 yet she must appear utterly unconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous position4 ,to watch the servants1 or appear uneasy1 lest something should go wrong1 is excessively ill-bred1 and if any accident does occur1 you only make it worse by noticing it4 ,to reprove or speak sharply to a servant before your guests1 manifests a shocking want of good breeding4 ,the rules given above are only applicable to large dinner parties1 and where the guests are few1 and the host himself carves1 these rules will not apply4 ,in this case1 as you will only require the services of your own household domestics1 you must1 of course1 attend personally to the wants of your guests4 ,dinner not being served from a side table1 you must1 while putting tasteful ornaments upon it1 be careful not to crowd them1 and leave room for the substantial dishes4 ,you must watch the plate of each guest1 to see that it is well provided1 and you will invite each one to partake of the various dishes4 ,have a servant to pass the plates from you to each guest1 and from the host to you1 after he has put the meat upon them1 that you may add gravy and vegetables before they are set before your visitors4 ,at these smaller dinner companies1 avoid apologizing for anything1 either in the viands or the arrangement of them4 ,you have provided the best your purse will allow1 prepared as faultlessly as possible2 you will only gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a well-prepared1 well-spread dinner1 and if there are faults they will only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn to them by an apology4 ,ease of manner1 quiet dignity1 cheerful1 intelligent conversation1 and gentle1 lady-like deportment1 never appear more charming than when they adorn a lady at the head of her own table4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,dinner ,,company4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,the ,,guest4 ,when you receive an invitation to join a dinner-party1 answer it immediately1 as1 by leaving your hostess in doubt whether you intend to accept or decline her hospitality1 you make it impossible for her to decide how many she must prepare for4 ,if you accept at first1 and any unforeseen event keeps you from fulfilling your engagement1 write a second note1 that your hostess may not wait dinner for you4 ,such a note1 if circumstances render it necessary to write it1 may be sent with perfect propriety an hour before the time appointed for dinner1 though1 if you are aware that you cannot attend1 earlier1 you must send the information in good season4 ,you should enter the house of your hostess from a quarter to half an hour earlier than the time appointed for dining4 ,proceed at once to the dressing-room1 and arrange your dress and hair1 and then enter the drawing-room4 ,by going to the house too early1 you may hasten or interrupt the toilet arrangements of your hostess2 while1 by being late1 you will establish a most disagreeable association in the minds of all present1 as the lady who kept dinner waiting at ,mrs4 ,l----'s4 ,immediately upon entering the parlor find your hostess1 and speak to her first4 ,it is very rude to stop to chat with other guests before greeting the lady of the house4 ,you may bow to any one you know1 in passing1 but do not stop to speak4 ,having exchanged a few words with your hostess1 turn to the other guests1 unless you are the first arrival4 ,in that case1 converse with your host and hostess until others come in4 ,be careful1 if dinner is delayed by the tardiness of the guests1 or from any other cause1 that you do not show by your manner that you are aware of such delay4 ,to look towards the door often1 consult your watch1 or give tokens of weariness1 are all marks of ill-breeding4 ,your hostess will probably be sufficiently annoyed by the irregularity itself2 do not add to her discomfort by allowing her to suppose that her guests perceive the deficiencies4 ,look over the books and pictures with an air of interest1 converse cheerfully1 and in every way appear as if dinner were a matter of secondary importance1 7as1 indeed1 it should be17 compared with the pleasure of the society around you4 ,when the signal for dinner is given1 your hostess will probably name your escort to the table4 ,if he is a stranger1 bow in acknowledgement of the introduction1 take his arm1 and fall into your place in the stream of guests passing from the parlor to the dining-room4 ,take the seat pointed out by your hostess1 or the waiter1 as soon as it is offered4 ,each one will do this upon entering1 and it prevents the confusion that will result if those first entering the room1 remain standing until all the other guests come in4 ,when you take your seat1 be careful that your chair does not stand upon the dress of the lady next you1 as she may not rise at the same instant that you do1 and so you risk tearing her dress4 ,sit gracefully at the table2 neither so close as to make your movements awkward1 nor so far away as to drag your food over your dress before it reaches your mouth4 ,it is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion1 and1 having unfolded your napkin1 to pin it at the belt4 ,you may do this quietly1 without its being perceived1 and you will thus really save your dress4 ,if the napkin is merely laid open upon your lap1 it will be very apt to slip down1 if your dress is of silk or satin1 and you risk the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with the front of your dress soiled or greased4 ,if1 by the carelessness or awkwardness of your neighbors or the servants1 you have a plate of soup1 glass of wine1 or any dish intended for your mouth1 deposited upon your dress1 do not spring up1 or make any exclamation4 ,you may wipe off the worst of the spot with your napkin1 and then let it pass without further notice4 ,if an apology is made by the unlucky perpetrator of the accident1 try to set him at his ease by your own lady-like composure4 ,he will feel sorry and awkward enough1 without reproach1 sullenness1 or cold looks from you4 ,gloves and mittens are no longer worn at table1 even at the largest dinner-parties4 ,to make remarks upon the guests or the dishes is excessively rude4 ,if the conversation is general1 speak loudly enough to be heard by those around you1 but1 at the same time1 avoid raising your voice too much4 ,if the company is very large1 and you converse only with the person immediately beside you1 speak in a distinct1 but low tone1 that you may not interrupt other couples1 but carefully avoid whispering or a confidential air4 ,both are in excessively bad taste4 ,to laugh in a suppressed way1 has the appearance of laughing at those around you1 and a loud1 boisterous laugh is always unlady-like4 ,converse cheerfully1 laugh quietly1 but freely1 if you will1 and while you confine your attention entirely to your neighbor1 still avoid any air of secrecy or mystery4 ,never use an eye-glass1 either to look at the persons around you or the articles upon the table4 ,eat your soup quietly4 ,to make any noise in eating it1 is simply disgusting4 ,do not break bread into your soup4 ,break off small pieces and put into your mouth1 if you will1 but neither bite it from the roll nor break it up1 and eat it from your soup-plate with a spoon4 ,in eating bread with meat1 never dip it into the gravy on your plate1 and then bite the end off4 ,if you wish to eat it with gravy1 break off a small piece1 put it upon your plate1 and then1 with a fork1 convey it to your mouth4 ,when helped to fish1 remove1 with knife and fork1 all the bones1 then lay down the knife1 and1 with a piece of bread in your left hand and a fork in your right1 eat the flakes of fish4 ,need ,i say that the knife is to cut your food with1 and must never be used while eating8 ,to put it in your mouth is a distinctive mark of low-breeding4 ,if you have selected what you will eat1 keep the plate that is placed before you2 never pass it to the persons next you1 as they may have an entirely different choice of meat or vegetables4 ,never attempt to touch any dish that is upon the table1 but out of your reach1 by stretching out your arms1 leaning forward1 or1 still worse1 standing up4 ,ask the waiter to hand it1 if you wish for it2 or1 if the gentleman beside you can easily do so1 you may ask him to pass it to you4 ,do not press those near you to take more or other things than are upon their plate4 ,this is the duty of the hostess1 or1 if the company is large1 the servants will attend to it4 ,for you to do so is officious and ill-bred4 ,when conversing let your knife and fork rest easily upon your plate1 even if still in your hand4 ,avoid holding them upright4 ,keep your own knife1 fork1 and spoon solely for the articles upon your own plate4 ,to use them for helping yourself to butter or salt1 is rude in the extreme4 ,when you do not use the salt-spoon1 sugar tongs1 and butter-knife1 you may be sure that those around you will conclude that you have never seen the articles1 and do not know their use4 ,you need not fear to offend by refusing to take wine with a gentleman1 even your host4 ,if you decline gracefully1 he will appreciate the delicacy which makes you refuse4 ,if1 however1 you have no conscientious scruples1 and are invited to take wine1 bow1 and merely raise the glass to your lips1 then set it down again4 ,you may thus acknowledge the courtesy1 and yet avoid actually drinking the wine4 ,no lady should drink wine at dinner4 ,even if her head is strong enough to bear it1 she will find her cheeks1 soon after the indulgence1 flushed1 hot1 and uncomfortable2 and if the room is warm1 and the dinner a long one1 she will probably pay the penalty of her folly1 by having a headache all the evening4 ,if offered any dish of which you do not wish to partake1 decline it1 but do not assign any reason4 ,to object to the dish itself is an insult to your entertainers1 and if you assert any reason for your own dislike it is ill-bred4 ,do not bend too much forward over your food1 and converse easily4 ,to eat fast1 or appear to be so much engrossed as to be unable to converse1 is ill-bred2 and it makes those around you suspect that you are so little accustomed to dining well1 that you fear to stop eating an instant1 lest you should not get enough4 ,it is equally ill-bred to accept every thing that is offered to you4 ,never take more than two vegetables2 do not take a second plate of soup1 pastry1 or pudding4 ,indeed1 it is best to accept but one plate of any article4 ,never use a spoon for anything but liquids1 and never touch anything to eat1 excepting bread1 celery1 or fruit1 with your fingers4 ,in the intervals which must occur between the courses1 do not appear to be conscious of the lapse of time4 ,wear a careless air when waiting1 conversing cheerfully and pleasantly1 and avoid looking round the room1 as if wondering what the waiters are about4 ,never eat every morsel that is upon your plate2 and surely no lady will ever scrape her plate1 or pass the bread round it1 as if to save the servants the trouble of washing it4 ,take such small mouthfulls that you can always be ready for conversation1 but avoid playing with your food1 or partaking of it with an affectation of delicate appetite4 ,your hostess may suppose you despise her fare1 if you appear so very choice1 or eat too sparingly4 ,if your state of health deprives you of appetite1 it is bad enough for you to decline the invitation to dine out4 ,never examine minutely the food before you4 ,you insult your hostess by such a proceeding1 as it looks as if you feared to find something upon the plate that should not be there4 ,if you find a worm on opening a nut1 or in any of the fruit1 hand your plate quietly1 and without remark1 to the waiter1 and request him to bring you a clean one4 ,do not let others perceive the movement1 or the cause of it1 if you can avoid so doing4 ,never make a noise in eating4 ,to munch or smack the lips are vulgar faults4 ,sit quietly at table1 avoid stiffness1 but1 at the same time1 be careful that you do not annoy others by your restlessness4 ,do not eat so fast as to be done long before others1 nor so slowly as to keep them waiting4 ,when the finger-glasses are passed round1 dip the ends of your fingers into them1 and wipe them upon your napkin2 then do not fold your napkin1 but place it beside your plate upon the table4 ,to carry away fruit or bonbons from the table is a sign of low breeding4 ,rise with the other ladies when your hostess gives the signal4 ,after returning to the parlor1 remain in the house at least an hour after dinner is over4 ,if you have another engagement in the evening1 you may then take your leave1 but not before4 ,you will insult your hostess by leaving sooner1 as it appears that you came only for the dinner1 and that being over1 your interest in the house1 for the time1 has ceased4 ,it is only beggars who eat and run6 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,table ,,etiquette4 ,in order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when in company1 or in public1 as at a hotel1 you must pay attention1 three times a day1 to the points of table etiquette4 ,if you neglect these little details at home and in private1 they will be performed awkwardly and with an air of restraint when you are in company4 ,by making them habitual1 they will become natural1 and appear easily1 and sit gracefully upon you4 ,even when eating entirely alone1 observe these little details1 thus making the most finished and elegant manners perfectly familiar1 and thus avoiding the stiff1 awkward air you will wear if you keep your politeness only for company1 when you will be constantly apprehensive of doing wrong4 ,at breakfast or tea1 if your seat is at the head of the table1 you must1 before taking anything upon your own plate1 fill a cup for each one of the family1 and pass them round1 being careful to suit each one in the preparation of the cup1 that none may return to you for more tea1 water1 sugar1 or milk4 ,if you have a visitor1 pass the cup with the tea or coffee alone in it1 and hand with the cup the sugar bowl and cream pitcher1 that these may be added in the quantity preferred4 ,after all the cups have been filled and passed round1 you may take the bread1 butter1 and other food upon your own plate4 ,train your children1 so that they will pass these things to you as soon as they see you are ready to receive them4 ,if you are yourself at the side of the table1 pass the bread1 butter1 etc41 to the lady at the head1 when you see that she has sent the cups from the waiter before her1 to those seated at the table4 ,if you occupy the place of head of the table1 you must watch the cups1 offer to fill them when empty1 and also see that each one of the family is well helped to the other articles upon the table4 ,avoid making any noise in eating1 even if each meal is eaten in solitary state4 ,it is a disgusting habit1 and one not easily cured if once contracted1 to make any noise with the lips when eating4 ,never put large pieces of food into your mouth4 ,eat slowly1 and cut your food into small pieces before putting it into your mouth4 ,use your fork1 or spoon1 never your knife1 to put your food into your mouth4 ,at dinner1 hold in your left hand a piece of bread1 and raise your meat or vegetables with the fork1 holding the bread to prevent the pieces slipping from the plate4 ,if you are asked at table what part of the meat you prefer1 name your favorite piece1 but do not give such information unless asked to do so4 ,to point out any especial part of a dish1 and ask for it1 is ill-bred4 ,to answer1 when asked to select a part1 that it is a matter of indifference1 or1 ,i can eat any part1 is annoying to the carver1 as he cares less than yourself certainly1 and would prefer to give you the piece you really like best4 ,do not pour coffee or tea from your cup into your saucer1 and do not blow either these or soup4 ,wait until they cool4 ,use the butter-knife1 salt-spoon1 and sugar-tongs as scrupulously when alone1 as if a room full of people were watching you4 ,otherwise1 you may neglect to do so when the omission will mortify you4 ,never put poultry or fish bones1 or the stones of fruit1 upon the table-cloth1 but place them on the edge of your plate4 ,do not begin to eat until others at the table are ready to commence too4 ,sit easily in your chair1 neither too near the table1 nor too far from it1 and avoid such tricks as putting your arms on the table1 leaning back lazily in your chair1 or playing with your knife1 fork1 or spoon4 ,never raise your voice1 when speaking1 any higher than is necessary4 ,the clear articulation and distinct pronunciation of each word1 will make a low tone more agreeable and more easily understood1 than the loudest tone1 if the speech is rapid or indistinct4 ,never pass your plate with the knife or fork upon it1 and when you pass your cup1 put the spoon in the saucer4 ,never pile up the food on your plate4 ,it looks as if you feared it would all be gone before you could be helped again1 and it will certainly make your attempts to cut the food awkward1 if your plate is crowded4 ,if there is a delicacy upon the table1 partake of it sparingly1 and never help yourself to it a second time4 ,if you wish to cough1 or use your handkerchief1 rise from the table1 and leave the room4 ,if you have not time to do this1 cover your mouth1 and turn your head aside from the table1 and perform the disagreeable necessity as rapidly and quietly as possible4 ,avoid gesticulation at the table4 ,indeed1 a well-bred lady will never gesticulate1 but converse quietly1 letting the expression and animation of her features give force to her words4 ,never1 when at the home table1 leave it until the other members of the family are also ready to rise4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,a lady's conduct is never so entirely at the mercy of critics1 because never so public1 as when she is in the street4 ,her dress1 carriage1 walk1 will all be exposed to notice2 every passer-by will look at her1 if it is only for one glance2 every unlady-like action will be marked2 and in no position will a dignified1 lady-like deportment be more certain to command respect4 ,let me start with you upon your promenade1 my friend1 and ,i will soon decide your place upon the list of well-bred ladies4 ,first1 your dress4 ,not that scarlet shawl1 with a green dress1 ,i beg1 and--oh6 spare my nerves6--you are not so insane as to put on a blue bonnet4 ,that's right4 ,if you wish to wear the green dress1 don a black shawl1 and--that white bonnet will do very well4 ,one rule you must lay down with regard to a walking dress4 ,it must never be conspicuous4 ,let the material be rich1 if you will2 the set of each garment faultless2 have collar and sleeves snowy white1 and wear neatly-fitting1 whole1 clean gloves and boots4 ,every detail may be scrupulously attended to1 but let the whole effect be quiet and modest4 ,wear a little of one bright color1 if you will1 but not more than one4 ,let each part of the dress harmonize with all the rest2 avoid the extreme of fashion1 and let the dress suit you4 ,if you are short and plump1 do not wear flounces1 because they are fashionable1 and avoid large plaids1 even if they are the very latest style4 ,if tall and slight1 do not add to the length of your figure by long stripes1 a little mantilla1 and a caricature of a bonnet1 with long1 streaming ribbons4 ,a large1 round face will never look well1 staring from a tiny1 delicate bonnet2 nor will a long1 thin one stand the test much better4 ,wear what is becoming to yourself1 and only bow to fashion enough to avoid eccentricity4 ,to have everything in the extreme of fashion1 is a sure mark of vulgarity4 ,wear no jewelry in the street excepting your watch and brooch4 ,jewelry is only suited for full evening dress1 when all the other details unite to set it off4 ,if it is real1 it is too valuable to risk losing in the street1 and if it is not real1 no lady should wear it4 ,mock jewelry is utterly detestable4 ,what are you doing8 ,sucking the head of your parasol6 ,have you not breakfasted8 ,take that piece of ivory from your mouth6 ,to suck it is unlady-like1 and let me tell you1 excessively unbecoming4 ,rosy lips and pearly teeth can be put to a better use4 ,why did you not dress before you came out8 ,it is a mark of ill-breeding to draw your gloves on in the street4 ,now your bonnet-strings1 and now--your collar6 ,pray arrange your dress before you leave the house6 ,nothing looks worse than to see a lady fussing over her dress in the street4 ,take a few moments more in your dressing-room1 and so arrange your dress that you will not need to think of it again whilst you are out4 ,do not walk so fast6 you are not chasing anybody6 ,walk slowly1 gracefully6 ,oh1 do not drag one foot after the other as if you were fast asleep--set down the foot lightly1 but at the same time firmly2 now1 carry your head up1 not so2 you hang it down as if you feared to look any one in the face6 ,nay1 that is the other extreme6 ,now you look like a drill-major1 on parade6 ,so6 that is the medium4 ,erect1 yet1 at the same time1 easy and elegant4 ,now1 my friend1 do not swing your arms4 ,you don't know what to do with them8 ,your parasol takes one hand2 hold your dress up a little with the other4 ,not so6 ,no lady should raise her dress above the ankle4 ,take care6 don't drag your dress through that mud-puddle6 ,worse and worse6 ,if you take hold of your dress on both sides1 in that way1 and drag it up so high1 you will be set down as a raw country girl4 ,so4 ,raise it just above the boot1 all round1 easily1 letting it fall again in the old folds4 ,don't shake it down2 it will fall back of itself4 ,stop6 don't you see there is a carriage coming8 ,do you want to be thrown down by the horses8 ,you can run across8 ,very lady-like indeed6 ,surely nothing can be more ungraceful than to see a lady shuffle and run across a street4 ,wait until the way is clear and then walk slowly across4 ,do not try to raise your skirts4 ,it is better to soil them4 7,you were very foolish to wear white skirts this muddy day47 ,they are easily washed1 and you cannot raise all4 ,you will surely be awkward in making the attempt1 and probably fail1 in spite of your efforts4 ,true1 they will be badly soiled1 and you expose this when you raise the dress1 but the state of the streets must be seen by all who see your share of the dirt1 and they will apologize for your untidy appearance in a language distinctly understood4 ,don't hold your parasol so close to your face1 nor so low down4 ,you cannot see your way clear1 and you will run against somebody4 ,always hold an umbrella or parasol so that it will clear your bonnet1 and leave the space before your face open1 that you may see your way clearly4 ,if you are ever caught in a shower1 and meet a gentleman friend who offers an umbrella1 accept it1 if he will accompany you to your destination2 but do not deprive him of it1 if he is not able to join you4 ,should he insist1 return it to his house or store the instant you reach home1 with a note of thanks4 ,if a stranger offers you the same services1 decline it positively1 but courteously1 at the same time thanking him4 ,never stop to speak to a gentleman in the street4 ,if you have anything important to say to him1 allow him to join and walk with you1 but do not stop4 ,it is best to follow the same rule with regard to ladies1 and either walk with them or invite them to walk with you1 instead of stopping to talk4 ,a lady who desires to pay strict regard to etiquette1 will not stop to gaze in at the shop windows4 ,it looks countrified4 ,if she is alone1 it looks as if she were waiting for some one2 and if she is not alone1 she is victimizing some one else1 to satisfy her curiosity4 ,remember that in meeting your gentlemen friends it is your duty to speak first1 therefore do not cut them by waiting to be recognized4 ,be sure1 however1 that they see you before you bow1 or you place yourself in the awkward position of having your bow pass1 unreturned4 ,you are not expected to recognize any friend on the opposite side of the street4 ,even if you see them1 do not bow4 ,avoid cutting any one4 ,it is a small way of showing spite1 and lowers you more than your enemy4 ,if you wish to avoid any further intercourse bow1 coldly and gravely1 but do not look at any one1 to whom you are in the habit of bowing1 and pass without bowing4 ,if you do this1 they may flatter themselves that they were really unrecognized1 but a distant1 cold bow will show them that you speak from civility only1 not from friendship4 ,in the street a lady takes the arm of a relative1 her affianced lover1 or husband1 but of no other gentleman1 unless the streets are slippery1 or in the evening4 ,when a lady walks with two gentlemen1 she should endeavor to divide her attention and remarks equally between them4 ,if you do stop in the street1 draw near the walls1 that you may not keep others from passing4 ,loud talking and laughing in the street are excessively vulgar4 ,not only this1 but they expose a lady to the most severe misconstruction4 ,let your conduct be modest and quiet4 ,if a gentleman1 although a stranger1 offers his hand to assist you in leaving a carriage1 omnibus1 or to aid you in crossing where it is wet or muddy1 accept his civility1 thank him1 bow and pass on4 ,if you wish to take an omnibus or car1 see that it is not already full4 ,if it is1 do not get in4 ,you will annoy others1 and be uncomfortable yourself4 ,it is best to carry change to pay car or omnibus fare1 as you keep others waiting whilst the driver is making change1 and it is apt to fall into the straw when passing from one hand to another4 ,if a gentleman gives you his seat1 hands your fare1 or offers you any such attention1 thank him4 ,it is not countrified1 it is lady-like4 ,if you do not speak1 bow4 ,be careful not to be alone in the streets after night fall4 ,it exposes you to insult4 ,if you are obliged to go out1 have a servant1 or another lady1 if you cannot procure the escort of a gentleman1 which is1 of course1 the best4 ,walk slowly1 do not turn your head to the right or left1 unless you wish to walk that way1 and avoid any gesture or word that will attract attention4 ,never look back6 ,it is excessively ill-bred4 ,make no remarks upon those who pass you1 while there is even a possibility that they may hear you4 ,never stare at any one1 even if they have peculiarities1 which make them objects of remark4 ,in taking your place in an omnibus or car1 do so quietly1 and then sit perfectly still4 ,do not change your place or move restlessly4 ,make room for others if you see that the opposite side is full4 ,if you walk with a gentleman1 when he reaches your door invite him in1 but if he declines1 do not urge him4 ,if you are returning from a ball or party1 and the hour is a very late 7or early7 one1 you are not bound in politeness to invite your escort to enter2 the hour will be your apology for omitting the ceremony4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,letter ,,writing4 ,there is no branch of education called so universally into requisition as the art of letter writing2 no station1 high or low1 where the necessity for correspondence is not felt2 no person1 young or old1 who does not1 at some time1 write1 cause to be written1 and receive letters4 ,from the ,president in his official capacity1 with the busy pens of secretaries constantly employed in this branch of service1 to the ,irish laborer who1 unable to guide a pen1 writes1 also by proxy1 to his kinsfolks across the wide ocean2 all1 at some time1 feel the desire to transmit some message1 word of love1 business1 or sometimes enmity1 by letter4 ,yet1 in spite of the universal need1 and almost universal habit1 there are really but very few persons who write a good letter2 a letter that is1 at the same time long enough to interest1 yet not long enough to tire2 sufficiently condensed to keep the attention1 and not tedious1 and yet detailed enough to afford satisfaction2 that is correct in grammatical construction1 properly punctuated1 written in a clear1 legible hand1 with the date1 address1 signature1 all in the proper place1 no words whose letters stand in utter defiance to spelling-book rules2 in short1 a well-written letter4 ,thousands1 millions are sent from post to post every day4 ,the lightning speed of the telegraph takes its messages from city to city2 the panting steamer carries from continent to continent its heavy mail-bags1 laden with its weight of loving messages2 the iron horse drags behind it1 its measure of the many missives2 while1 in the far-distant ,western wilds1 the lumbering wagon bears its paper freight1 with its pen eloquence1 to cheer and comfort1 or sadden and crush1 the waiting emigrants1 longing for news of home4 ,to some1 who1 with hearts desolated by the separation from the home circle1 could read1 with an eager interest1 volumes of the most common-place1 trivial incidents1 if only connected with the loved ones there1 will come pages1 from the pen of the dearest relative1 full of learning1 wit1 and wisdom1 wholly uninteresting to the receiver4 ,why is this8 ,not from any desire upon the part of the writer to display learning or talent1 but because1 writing a letter being to them a great undertaking1 and the letter being destined to go a long distance1 they look upon it as an event too unusual to be wasted in detailing the simple1 every-day details of domestic life1 and ransack memory and learning for a subject worthy of the long journey and unusual labor4 ,others will have1 from mere acquaintances1 long1 tedious details of uninteresting trivialities1 and from the near relatives1 short1 dry epistles1 which fall like stones upon the heart longing for little1 affectionate expressions1 and home memories4 ,from some letter writers1 who are in the midst of scenes and events of the most absorbing interest1 letters arrive1 only a few lines long1 without one allusion to the interesting matter lying so profusely around them2 while others1 with the scantiest of outward subjects1 will1 from their own teeming brain1 write bewitching1 absorbing epistles1 read with eagerness1 laid aside with the echo of ,oliver ,twist's petition in a sigh2 the reader longing for more4 ,it is1 of course1 impossible to lay down any distinct rule for the style of letter writing4 ,embracing1 as it does1 all subjects and all classes1 all countries and associations1 and every relation in which one person can stand to another1 what would be an imperative rule in some cases1 becomes positive absurdity in others4 ,every letter will vary from others written before1 in either its subject1 the person addressed1 or the circumstances which make it necessary to write it4 ,letter writing is1 in fact1 but conversation1 carried on with the pen1 when distance or circumstances prevent the easier method of exchanging ideas1 by spoken words4 ,write1 therefore1 as you would speak1 were the person to whom your letter is addressed seated beside you4 ,as amongst relatives and intimate friends you would converse with a familiar manner1 and in easy language1 so in your letters to such persons1 let your style be simple1 entirely devoid of effort4 ,again1 when introduced to a stranger1 or conversing with one much older than yourself1 your manner is respectful and dignified2 so let the letters addressed to those on these terms with yourself1 be written in a more ceremonious style1 but at the same time avoid stiffness1 and above all1 pedantry4 ,a letter of advice to a child1 would of course demand an entirely different style1 from that written by a young lady to a friend or relative advanced in life2 yet the general rule1 write as you would converse1 applies to each and every case4 ,neatness is an important requisite in a letter4 ,to send a fair1 clean sheet1 with the words written in a clear1 legible hand1 will go a great way in ensuring a cordial welcome for your letter4 ,avoid erasures1 as they spoil the beauty of your sheet4 ,if it is necessary to correct a word1 draw your pen through it1 and write the word you wish to use as a substitute1 above the one erased2 do not scratch out the word and write another over it3 it is untidy1 and the second word is seldom legible4 ,another requisite for a good letter is a clear1 concise style4 ,use language that will be easily understood1 and avoid the parenthesis4 ,important passages in letters are often lost entirely1 by the ambiguous manner in which they are worded1 or rendered quite as unintelligible by the blots1 erasures1 or villainously bad hand-writing4 ,a phrase may1 by the addition or omission of one word1 or by the alteration of one punctuation mark1 convey to the reader an entirely different idea from that intended by the writer2 so1 while you write plainly1 use good language1 you must also write carefully1 and punctuate properly4 ,if you are in doubt about the correct spelling of a word1 do not trust to chance1 hoping it may be right1 but get a dictionary1 and be certain that you have spelt it as it ought to be4 ,simplicity is a great charm in letter-writing4 ,what you send in a letter1 is1 as a general rule1 intended for the perusal of one person only4 ,therefore to cumber your epistles with quotations1 similes1 flowery language1 and a stilted1 pedantic style1 is in bad taste4 ,you may use elegant language1 yet use it easily4 ,if you use a quotation1 let it come into its place naturally1 as if flowing in perfect harmony with your ideas1 and let it be short4 ,long quotations in a letter are tiresome4 ,make no attempt at display in a correspondence4 ,you will err as much in such an attempt1 as if1 when seated face to face with your correspondent1 alone in your own apartment1 you were to rise and converse with the gestures and language of a minister in his pulpit1 or a lecturer upon his platform4 ,as everything1 in style1 depends upon the subject of the letter1 and the person to whom it is addressed1 some words follow1 relating to some of the various kinds of correspondence3 ,,business ,,letters should be as brief as is consistent with the subject2 clear1 and to the point4 ,say all that is necessary1 in plain1 distinct language1 and say no more4 ,state1 in forcible words1 every point that it is desirable for your correspondent to be made acquainted with1 that your designs and prospects upon the subject may be perfectly well understood4 ,write1 in such a letter1 of nothing but the business in hand2 other matters will be out of place there4 ,nowhere is a confused style1 or illegible writing1 more unpardonable than in a business letter2 nowhere a good style and hand more important4 ,avoid flowery language1 too many words1 all pathos or wit1 any display of talent or learning1 and every merely personal matter1 in a business letter4 ,,letters ,,of ,,compliment must be restricted1 confined entirely to one subject4 ,if passing between acquaintances1 they should be written in a graceful1 at the same time respectful1 manner4 ,avoid hackneyed expressions1 commonplace quotations1 and long1 labored sentences1 but while alluding to the subject in hand1 as if warmly interested in it1 at the same time endeavor to write in a style of simple1 natural grace4 ,,letters ,,of ,,congratulation demand a cheerful1 pleasant style1 and an appearance of great interest4 ,they should be written from the heart1 and the cordial1 warm feelings there will prompt the proper language4 ,be careful1 while offering to your friend the hearty congratulations her happy circumstances demand1 that you do not let envy at her good fortune1 creep into your head1 to make the pen utter complaining words at your own hard lot4 ,do not dampen her joy1 by comparing her happiness with the misery of another4 ,there are many clouds in the life of every one of us4 ,while the sun shines clearly upon the events of your friend's life let her enjoy the brightness and warmth1 unshadowed by any words of yours4 ,give her1 to the full1 your sympathy in her rejoicing1 cheerful words1 warm congratulations1 and bright hopes for the future4 ,should there be1 at the time of her happiness1 any sad event you wish to communicate to her1 of which it is your duty to inform her1 write it in another letter4 ,if you must send it the same day1 do so1 but let the epistle wishing her joy1 go alone1 unclouded with the news of sorrow4 ,at the same time1 avoid exaggerated expressions of congratulation1 lest you are suspected of a desire to be satirical1 and avoid underlining any words4 ,if the language is not forcible enough to convey your ideas1 you will not make it better by underlining it4 ,if you say to your friend upon her marriage1 that you wish her joy in her new relations1 and hope she may be entirely happy in her domestic life1 you make her doubt your wishes1 and think you mean to ridicule her chances of such happiness4 ,,letters ,,of ,,condolence are exceedingly trying1 both to read and to write4 ,if the affliction which calls for them is one which touches you nearly1 really grieving and distressing you1 all written words must seem tame and cold1 compared with the aching sympathy which dictates them4 ,it is hard with the eyes blinded by tears1 and the hand shaking1 to write calmly2 and it is impossible to express upon paper all the burning thoughts and words that would pour forth1 were you beside the friend whose sorrow is yours4 ,if you do not feel the trial1 your task is still more difficult1 for no letters demand truth1 spoken from the heart1 more than letters of condolence4 ,do not treat the subject for grief too lightly4 ,write words of comfort if you will1 but do not appear to consider the affliction as a trifle4 ,time may make it less severe1 but the first blow of grief must be heavy1 and a few words of sincere sympathy will outweigh pages of mere expressions of hope for comfort1 or the careless lines that show the letter to be one of mere duty1 not feeling4 ,let your friend feel that her sorrow makes her dearer to you than ever before1 and that her grief is yours4 ,to treat the subject with levity1 or to wander from it into witticisms or every-day chit-chat1 is a wanton insult1 unworthy of a lady and a friend4 ,do not magnify the event1 or plunge the mourner into still deeper despondency by taking a despairing1 gloomy view of the sorrow1 under which she is bent4 ,show her the silver lining of her cloud1 try to soothe her grief1 yet be willing to admit that it is a cloud1 and that she has cause for grief4 ,to throw out hints that the sorrow is sent as a punishment to an offender2 to imply that neglect or imprudence on the part of the mourner is the cause of the calamity2 to hold up the trial as an example of retribution1 or a natural consequence of wrong doing1 is cruel1 and barbarous4 ,even if this is true1 7indeed1 if this is the case1 it only aggravates the insult72 avoid such retrospection4 ,it is as if a surgeon1 called in to a patient suffering from a fractured limb1 sat down1 inattentive to the suffering1 to lecture his patient upon the carelessness which caused the accident4 ,one of the most touching letters of condolence ever written was sent by a literary lady1 well known in the ranks of our ,american authoresses1 to her sister1 who had lost her youngest child4 ,the words were few1 merely3-- ,,sister ,,darling3 ,i cannot write what is in my heart for you to-day1 it is too full4 ,filled with a double sorrow1 for you1 for my own grief4 ,tears blind me1 my pen trembles in my hand4 ,oh1 to be near you6 to clasp you in my arms6 to draw your head to my bosom1 and weep with you6 ,darling1 ,god comfort you1 ,i cannot4 ,s4 ,that was all4 ,yet the sorrowing mother said that no other letter1 though she appreciated the kind motive that dictated all1 yet none comforted her as did these few lines4 ,written from the heart1 their simple eloquence touched the heart for which they were intended4 ,early stages of great grief reject comfort1 but they long1 with intense longing1 for sympathy4 ,,letters ,,written ,,to ,,gentlemen should be ceremonious and dignified4 ,if the acquaintance is slight1 write in the third person1 if there is a necessity for a letter4 ,if a business letter1 be respectful1 yet not servile4 ,it is better to avoid correspondence with gentlemen1 particularly whilst you are young1 as there are many objections to it4 ,still1 if a friend of long standing solicits a correspondence1 and your parents or husband approve and permit compliance with the request1 it would be over-prudish to refuse4 ,write1 however1 such letters as1 if they were printed in the newspapers1 would cause you no annoyance4 ,if the acquaintance admits of a frank1 friendly style1 be careful that your expressions of good will do not become too vehement1 and avoid any confidential communications4 ,when he begins to ask you to keep such and such passages secret1 believe me1 it is quite time to drop the correspondence4 ,,letters ,,of ,,enquiry1 especially if they request a favor1 should contain a few lines of compliment4 ,if the letter is upon a private subject1 such as enquiry with regard to the illness or misfortune of a friend1 avoid making it too brief4 ,to write short1 careless letters upon such subjects1 is unfeeling1 and they will surely be attributed to motives of obligation or duty1 not to interest4 ,letters of enquiry1 referring to family matters1 should be delicately worded1 and appear dictated by interest1 not mere curiosity4 ,if the enquiry refers to matters interesting only to yourself1 enclose a postage-stamp for the reply4 ,in answering such letters1 if they refer to your own health or subjects interesting to yourself1 thank the writer for the interest expressed1 and answer in a satisfactory manner4 ,if the answer interests your correspondent only1 do not reply as if the enquiry annoyed you1 but express some interest in the matter of the letter1 and give as clear and satisfactory reply as is in your power4 ,,letters ,,offering ,,favors--,be careful in writing to offer a favor1 that you do not make your friend feel a heavy weight of obligation by over-rating your services4 ,the kindness will be duly appreciated1 and more highly valued if offered in a delicate manner4 ,too strong a sense of obligation is humiliating1 so do not diminish the real value of the service by forcing the receiver to acknowledge a fictitious value4 ,let the recipient of your good will feel that it affords you as much pleasure to confer the favor as it will give her to receive it4 ,a letter accompanying a present1 should be short and gracefully worded4 ,the affectionate spirit of such little epistles will double the value of the gift which they accompany4 ,never refer to a favor received1 in such a letter1 as that will give your gift the appearance of being payment for such favor1 and make your letter of about as much value as a tradesman's receipted bill4 ,,letters ,,of ,,thanks for enquiries made1 should be short1 merely echoing the words of the letter they answer1 and contain the answer to the question1 with an acknowledgement of your correspondent's interest4 ,if the letter is your own acknowledgement of a favor conferred1 let the language be simple1 but strong1 grateful1 and graceful4 ,fancy that you are clasping the hand of the kind friend who has been generous or thoughtful for you1 and then write1 even as you would speak4 ,never hint that you deem such a favor an obligation to be returned at the first opportunity2 although this may really be the case1 it is extremely indelicate to say so4 ,in your letter gracefully acknowledge the obligation1 and if1 at a later day1 you can return the favor1 then let actions1 not words1 prove your grateful recollection of the favor conferred upon you4 ,if your letter is written to acknowledge the reception of a present1 speak of the beauty or usefulness of the gift1 and of the pleasant associations with her name it will always recall4 ,,letters ,,of ,,recommendation should be truthful1 polite1 and carefully considered4 ,such letters may be business letters1 or they may be given to servants1 and they must be given only when really deserved4 ,do not be hasty in giving them2 remember that you are1 in some measure responsible for the bearer2 therefore1 never sacrifice truth and frankness1 to a mistaken idea of kindness or politeness4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction must be left unsealed4 ,they must not contain any allusion to the personal qualities of the bearer1 as such allusion would be about as sure a proof of ill-breeding as if you sat beside your friend1 and ran over the list of the virtues and talents possessed by her4 ,the fact that the person bearing the letter is your friend1 will be all sufficient reason for cordial reception by the friend to whom the letter is addressed4 ,the best form is3-- ,,philadelphia1 ,june #ahth1 #ah--4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mary3 ,this letter will be handed to you by ,mrs4 ,c41 to whom ,i am pleased to introduce you1 certain that the acquaintance thus formed1 between two friends of mine1 of so long standing and so much beloved1 will be pleasant to both parties4 ,any attention that you may find it in your power to extend to ,mrs4 ,c4 whilst she is in your city1 will be highly appreciated1 and gratefully acknowledged1 by ,your sincere friend ,a----4 ,,letters ,,of ,,advice should not be written unsolicited4 ,they will1 in all probability1 even when requested1 be unpalatable1 and should never be sent unless they can really be of service4 ,write them with frankness and sincerity4 ,to write after an act has been committed1 and is irrevocable1 is folly1 and it is also unkind4 ,you may inform your friend that1 had you been consulted1 a different course from the one taken would have been recommended1 and you may really believe this1 yet it will probably be false4 ,seeing the unfavorable result of the wrong course will enable you fully to appreciate the wisdom of the right one1 but1 had you been consulted when the matter was doubtful1 you would probably have been as much puzzled as your friend to judge the proper mode of action4 ,you should word a letter of advice delicately1 stating your opinion frankly and freely1 but giving it as an opinion1 not as a positive law4 ,if the advice is not taken1 do not feel offended1 as others1 more experienced than yourself upon the point in question1 may have also been consulted4 ,let no selfish motive govern such a letter4 ,think only of the good or evil to result to your friend1 and while you may write warmly and earnestly1 let the motive be a really disinterested one4 ,,letters ,,of ,,excuse should be frank and graceful4 ,they must be written promptly1 as soon as the occasion that calls for them admits4 ,if delayed1 they become insulting4 ,if such a letter is called forth by an act of negligence on your own part1 apologize for it frankly1 and show by your tone that you sincerely desire to regain the confidence your carelessness has periled4 ,if you have been obliged by positive inability to neglect the fulfilment of any promise you have given1 or any commission you have undertaken1 then state the reason for your delay1 and solicit the indulgence of your friend4 ,do not write in such stiff1 formal language that the apology will seem forced from you1 but offer your excuse frankly1 as if with a sincere desire to atone for an act of negligence1 or remove a ground of offence4 ,,letters ,,of ,,intelligence are generally the answer to letters of enquiry1 or the statement of certain incidents or facts1 interesting both to the writer and reader of the letter4 ,be careful in writing such a letter that you have all the facts in exact accordance with the truth4 ,remember that every word is set down against you1 if one item of your information prove to be false2 and do not allow personal opinion or prejudice to dictate a single sentence4 ,never repeat anything gathered from mere hearsay1 and be careful1 in such a letter1 that you violate no confidence1 nor force yourself upon the private affairs of any one4 ,do not let scandal or a mere love of gossip dictate a letter of intelligence4 ,if your news is painful1 state it as delicately as possible1 and add a few lines expressive of sympathy4 ,if it is your pleasant task to communicate a joyful event1 make your letter cheerful and gay4 ,if you have written any such letter1 and1 after sending it1 find you have made any error in a statement1 write1 and correct the mistake immediately4 ,it may be a trivial error1 yet there is no false or mistaken news so trifling as to make a correction unnecessary4 ,,invitations are generally written in the third person1 and this form is used where the acquaintance is very slight1 for formal notes1 and cards of compliment4 ,the form is proper upon such occasions1 but should be used only in the most ceremonious correspondence4 ,if this style is adopted by a person who has been accustomed to write in a more familiar one to you1 take it as a hint1 that the correspondence has1 for some reason1 become disagreeable1 and had better cease4 ,,autograph ,,letters should be very short2 merely acknowledging the compliment paid by the request for the signature1 and a few words expressing the pleasure you feel in granting the favor4 ,if you write to ask for an autograph1 always inclose a postage stamp for the answer4 ,date every letter you write accurately1 and avoid postscripts4 ,politeness1 kindness1 both demand that every letter you receive must be answered4 ,nothing can give more pleasure in a correspondence1 than prompt replies4 ,matters of much importance often rest upon the reply to a letter1 and therefore this duty should never be delayed4 ,in answering friendly letters1 it will be found much easier to write what is kind and interesting1 if you sit down to the task as soon as you read your friend's letter4 ,always mention the date of the letter to which your own is a reply4 ,never write on a half sheet of paper4 ,paper is cheap1 and a half sheet looks both mean and slovenly4 ,if you do not write but three lines1 still send the whole sheet of paper4 ,perfectly plain paper1 thick1 smooth1 and white1 is the most elegant4 ,when in mourning1 use paper and envelopes with a black edge4 ,never use the gilt edged1 or fancy bordered paper2 it looks vulgar1 and is in bad taste4 ,you may1 if you will1 have your initials stamped at the top of the sheet1 and on the seal of the envelope1 but do not have any fancy ornaments in the corners1 or on the back of the envelope4 ,you will be guilty of a great breach of politeness1 if you answer either a note or letter upon the half sheet of the paper sent by your correspondent1 even though it may be left blank4 ,never write1 even the shortest note1 in pencil4 ,it looks careless1 and is rude4 ,never write a letter carelessly4 ,it may be addressed to your most intimate friend1 or your nearest relative1 but you can never be sure that the eye for which it is intended1 will be the only one that sees it4 ,i do not mean by this1 that the epistle should be in a formal1 studied style1 but that it must be correct in its grammatical construction1 properly punctuated1 with every word spelt according to rule4 ,even in the most familiar epistles1 observe the proper rules for composition2 you would not in conversing1 even with your own family1 use incorrect grammar1 or impertinent language2 therefore avoid saying upon paper what you would not say with your tongue4 ,notes written in the third person1 must be continued throughout in the same person2 they are frequently very mysterious from the confusion of pronouns1 yet it is a style of correspondence much used and very proper upon many occasions4 ,for compliment1 inquiry where there is no intimacy between the parties1 from superiors to inferiors1 the form is elegant and proper4 ,if you receive a note written in the third person1 reply in the same form1 but do not reply thus to a more familiar note or letter1 as it is insulting1 and implies offence taken4 ,if you wish to repel undue familiarity or impertinence in your correspondent1 then reply to the epistle in the most formal language1 and in the third person4 ,it is an extraordinary fact1 that persons who have received a good education1 and who use their pens frequently1 will often1 in writing notes1 commence in the third person and then use the second or first personal pronoun1 and finish by a signature2 thus-- ,miss ,claire's compliments to ,mr4 ,james1 and wishes to know whether you have finished reading my copy of ,jane ,eyre1 as if ,mr4 ,james had finished it1 ,i would like to lend it to another friend4 ,sincerely yours1 ,,ella ,,claire4 ,the errors in the above are too glaring to need comment1 yet1 with only the alteration of names1 it is a copy1 verbatim1 of a note written by a well educated girl4 ,never sign a note written in the third person1 if you begin the note with your own name4 ,it is admissible1 if the note is worded in this way3-- ,will ,mr4 ,james return by bearer1 the copy of ,jane ,eyre he borrowed1 if he has finished reading it1 and oblige his sincere friend1 ,,ella ,,claire4 ,if you use a quotation1 never omit to put it in quotation marks1 otherwise your correspondent may1 however unjustly1 accuse you of a desire to pass off the idea and words of another1 for your own4 ,avoid postscripts4 ,above all1 never send an inquiry or compliment in a postscript4 ,to write a long letter1 upon various subjects1 and in the postscript desire to be remembered to your friend's family1 or inquire for their welfare1 instead of a compliment1 becomes insulting4 ,it is better1 if you have not time to write again and place such inquiries above your signature1 to omit them entirely4 ,nobody likes to see their name mentioned as an afterthought4 ,punctuate your letters carefully4 ,the want of a mark of punctuation1 or the incorrect placing of it1 will make the most woful confusion4 ,i give an instance of the utter absurdity produced by the alteration of punctuation marks1 turning a sensible paragraph to the most arrant nonsense3 ,caesar entered2 on his head his helmet2 on his feet armed sandals2 upon his brow there was a cloud2 in his right hand his faithful sword2 in his eye an angry glare2 saying nothing1 he sat down4 ,by using precisely the same words1 merely altering the position of the punctuation marks1 we have-- ,caesar entered on his head2 his helmet on his feet2 armed sandals upon his brow2 there was a cloud in his right hand2 his faithful sword in his eye2 an angry glare saying nothing2 he sat down4 ,be careful1 then1 to punctuate properly1 that you may convey to the reader the exact sense of what is in your mind4 ,if you receive an impertinent letter1 treat it with contempt2 do not answer it4 ,never answer a letter by proxy1 when you are able to write yourself4 ,it is a mark of respect and love1 to answer1 in your own hand1 all letters addressed to you4 ,if you are obliged to write to a friend to refuse to grant a favor asked1 you will lessen the pain of refusal by wording your letter delicately4 ,loving words1 if it is a near friend1 respectful1 kind ones if a mere acquaintance1 will make the disagreeable contents of the letter more bearable4 ,try to make the manner smooth and soften the hardness of the matter4 ,every letter must embrace the following particulars3 #ast4 ,the date4 #b;d4 ,the complimentary address4 #c;d4 ,the body of the letter4 #dth4 ,the complimentary closing4 #eth4 ,the signature4 #fth4 ,the address4 ,there are two ways of putting the date1 and the address4 ,the first is to place them at the top of the sheet1 the other is to place them after the signature4 ,when at the top1 you write the name of your residence1 or that of the city in which you reside1 with the day of the month and the year1 at the right hand of the first line of the sheet4 ,then1 at the left hand of the next line1 write the address1 then the complimentary address below the name2 thus-- ,,willow ,,grove1 ,,new ,,york1 ,june #bgth1 #ahei4 ,,mrs4 ,e4 ,c4 ,,howell1 ,my dear ,madam1 ,i received your letter1 etc4 ,at the end of the letter1 on the right hand of the sheet1 put the complimentary closing1 and then the signature2 thus-- ,i remain1 my dear ,madam1 ,with much respect1 ,yours sincerely1 ,s4 ,e4 ,,law4 ,if you place the date and address after the signature1 put it at the left of the sheet2 thus-- ,i remain1 my dear ,madam1 ,with much respect1 ,yours sincerely1 ,s4 ,e4 ,,law4 ,,mrs4 ,e4 ,c4 ,,howell4 ,june #bgth1 #ahei4 ,for a long letter1 it is better to put the date and address at the top of the page4 ,for a letter of only a few lines1 which ends on the first page1 the second form is best4 ,in a letter written to a person in the same city1 you need not put the address under the signature2 if not1 write it-- ,s4 ,e4 ,,law1 ,,willow ,,grove1 ,,new ,,york4 ,in writing to a dear friend or relative1 where there is no formality required1 you may omit the name at the top of the letter2 put the date and address thus-- ,,willow ,,grove1 ,,new ,,york1 ,june #bgth1 #ahei4 ,,dear ,,anna3 ,i write1 etc4 ,it is best1 however1 to put the full name at the bottom of the last page1 in case the letter is mislaid without the envelope2 thus-- ,e4 ,c4 ,,law4 ,,miss ,,anna ,,wright4 ,if you use an envelope1 and this custom is now universal1 fold your letter neatly to fit into it2 then direct on the envelope4 ,put first the name1 then the name of the person to whose care the letter must be directed1 then the street1 the city1 and ,state4 ,if the town is small1 put also the county4 ,this is the form3-- ,,miss ,,anna ,,wright1 ,care of ,mr4 ,john ,c4 ,wright1 ,no4 #dj1 ,lexington street1 ,greensburg--,lee ,county4 ,mass4 ,if the city is a large one1 ,new ,york1 ,philadelphia1 ,baltimore1 or any of the principal cities of the ,union1 you may omit the name of the county4 ,if your letter is to go abroad1 add the name of the country3 as1 ,england1 or ,france1 in full1 under that of the city4 ,the name of the state is usually abbreviated1 and for the use of my readers1 ,i give the names of the ,united ,states with their abbreviations3 ,maine1 ,me4 ,new ,hampshire1 ,n4 ,h4 ,vermont1 ,vt4 ,massachusetts1 ,mass4 ,rhode ,island1 ,r4 ,i4 ,connecticut1 ,conn4 ,new ,york1 ,n4 ,y4 ,new ,jersey1 ,n4 ,j4 ,pennsylvania1 ,pa41 or1 ,penn4 ,delaware1 ,del4 ,maryland1 ,md4 ,virginia1 ,va4 ,north ,carolina1 ,n4 ,c4 ,south ,carolina1 ,s4 ,c4 ,georgia1 ,ga41 or1 ,geo4 ,alabama1 ,ala4 ,mississippi1 ,miss4 ,missouri1 ,mo4 ,louisiana1 ,la4 ,tennessee1 ,tenn4 ,kentucky1 ,ky4 ,indiana1 ,ind4 ,ohio1 ,o4 ,michigan1 ,mich4 ,illinois1 ,ill4 ,wisconsin1 ,wis4 ,arkansas1 ,ark4 ,texas1 ,tex4 ,iowa1 ,io4 ,florida1 ,flo4 ,oregon1 ,o4 ,california1 ,cal4 ,minnesota1 ,minn4 ,district of ,columbia1 ,d4 ,c4 ,if you are writing from another country to ,america1 put ,united ,states of ,america after the name of the state4 ,on the upper right hand corner of your envelope1 put your postage-stamp4 ,if you send a letter by private hand1 write the name of the bearer in the lower left hand corner1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,e4 ,a4 ,,howell1 ,clinton ,place1 ,boston4 ,mr4 ,g4 ,g4 ,lane4 ,in directing to any one who can claim any prefix1 or addition1 to his proper name do not omit to put that republican title4 ,for a clergyman1 ,rev4 for ,reverend is put before the name1 thus3-- ,,rev4 ,,james ,c4 ,,day4 ,for a bishop3 ,,right ,,reverend ,e4 ,,banks4 ,for a physician3 ,,dr4 ,,james ,,curtis4 or1 ,,james ,,curtis1 ,m4,d4 ,for a member of ,congress3 ,,hon4 ,e4 ,c4 ,,delta4 ,for an officer in the navy3 ,,capt4 ,,henry ,,lee1 ,u4 ,s4 ,n4 ,for an officer in the army3 ,,col4 ,,edward ,,holmes1 ,u4 ,s4 ,a4 ,for a professor3 ,,prof4 ,e4 ,l4 ,,james4 ,if the honorary addition1 ,,ll4,d41 ,a4 ,m41 or any such title belongs to your correspondent1 add it to his name on the envelope1 thus3-- ,j4 ,l4 ,,peters1 ,,ll4,d4 ,if you seal with wax1 it is best to put a drop under the turn-over1 and fasten this down firmly before you drop the wax that is to receive the impression4 ,cards of compliment are usually written in the third person4 ,i give a few of the most common and proper forms4 ,for a party3 ,miss ,lee's compliments to ,mr4 ,bates1 for ,wednesday evening1 ,nov4 #ahth1 at #h o'clock4 ,addressed to a lady3 ,miss ,lee requests the pleasure of ,miss ,howard's company on ,wednesday evening1 ,nov4 #ahth1 at #h o'clock4 ,for a ball1 the above form1 with the word ,dancing1 in the left hand corner4 ,invitations to dinner or tea specify the entertainment thus3 ,mrs4 ,garret's compliments to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,howard1 and requests the pleasure of their company to dine 7or take tea7 on ,wednesday1 ,nov4 #fth1 at #f o'clock4 ,the form for answering1 is3-- ,miss ,howard accepts with pleasure ,miss ,lee's polite invitation for ,wednesday evening4 or1 ,miss ,howard regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her accepting ,miss ,lee's polite invitation for ,wednesday evening4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,howard's compliments to ,mrs4 ,garret1 and accept with pleasure her kind invitation for ,wednesday4 or1 ,mrs4 ,howard regrets that the severe illness of ,mr4 ,howard will render it impossible for either herself or ,mr4 ,howard to join ,mrs4 ,garret's party on ,wednesday next4 ,upon visiting cards1 left when the caller is about to leave the city1 the letters p4 p4 c4 are put in the left hand corner1 they are the abbreviation of the ,french words1 pour prendre conge1 or may1 with equal propriety1 stand for presents parting compliments4 ,another form1 p4 d4 a41 pour dire adieu1 may be used4 ,no accomplishment within the scope of human knowledge is so beautiful in all its features as that of epistolary correspondence4 ,though distance1 absence1 and circumstances may separate the holiest alliances of friendship1 or those who are bound together by the still stronger ties of affection1 yet the power of interchanging thoughts1 words1 feelings1 and sentiments1 through the medium of letters1 adds a sweetness to the pain of separation1 renovating to life1 and adding to happiness4 ,the wide ocean may roll between those who have passed the social years of youth together1 or the snow-capped ,alps may rise in sublime grandeur1 separating early associates2 still young remembrances may be called up1 and the paradise of memory made to bloom afresh with unwithered flowers of holy recollection4 ,though we see not eye to eye and face to face1 where the soft music of a loved voice may fall with its richness upon the ear1 yet the very soul and emotions of the mind may be poured forth in such melody as to touch the heart that's far away1 and melt down the liveliest eye into tears of ecstatic rapture4 ,without the ability to practice the refined art of epistolary correspondence1 men would become cold and discordant3 an isolated compound of misanthropy4 ,they would fall off in forsaken fragments from the great bond of union which now adorns and beautifies all society4 ,absence1 distance1 and time would cut the silken cords of parental1 brotherly1 and even connubial affection4 ,early circumstances would be lost in forgetfulness1 and the virtues of reciprocal friendship waste their sweetness on the desert air4 ,since1 then1 the art and practice of letter-writing is productive of so much refined and social happiness1 a laudable indulgence in it must ever be commendable4 ,while it elevates the noble faculties of the mind1 it also chastens the disposition1 and improves those intellectual powers which would otherwise remain dormant and useless4 ,notwithstanding the various beauties and pleasures attendant upon the accomplishment1 yet there are many who have given it but a slight portion of their attention1 and have1 therefore1 cause to blush at their own ignorance when necessity demands its practice4 ,there is no better mode by which to test the acquirements of either a young lady or gentleman than from their letters4 ,letters are among the most useful forms of composition4 ,there are few persons1 who can read or write at all1 who do not frequently have occasion to write them2 and an elegant letter is much more rare than an elegant specimen of any other kind of writing4 ,the more rational and elevated the topics are1 on which you write1 the less will you care for your letters being seen1 or for paragraphs being read out of them2 and where there is no need of any secrecy1 it is best not to bind your friend by promises1 but to leave it to her discretion4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,polite ,,deportment1 ,,and ,,good ,,habits4 ,lord ,chesterfield says1 ,good sense and good nature suggest civility in general2 but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established only by custom4 ,it is the knowledge and practice of such little delicacies which constitutes the greatest charm of society4 ,manner may be1 and1 in most cases1 probably is1 the cloak of the heart2 this cloak may be used to cover defects1 but is it not better so to conceal these defects1 than to flaunt and parade them in the eyes of all whom we may meet8 ,many persons plead a love of truth as an apology for rough manners1 as if truth was never gentle and kind1 but always harsh1 morose1 and forbidding4 ,surely good manners and a good conscience are no more inconsistent with each other than beauty and innocence1 which are strikingly akin1 and always look the better for companionship4 ,roughness and honesty are indeed sometimes found together in the same person1 but he is a poor judge of human nature who takes ill-manners to be a guarantee of probity of character4 ,some persons object to politeness1 that its language is unmeaning and false4 ,but this is easily answered4 ,a lie is not locked up in a phrase1 but must exist1 if at all1 in the mind of the speaker4 ,in the ordinary compliments of civilized life1 there is no intention to deceive1 and consequently no falsehood4 ,polite language is pleasant to the ear1 and soothing to the heart1 while rough words are just the reverse2 and if not the product of ill temper1 are very apt to produce it4 ,the plainest of truths1 let it be remembered1 can be conveyed in civil speech1 while the most malignant lies may find utterance1 and often do1 in the language of the fishmarket4 ,many ladies say1 ,oh1 ,i am perfectly frank and outspoken2 ,i never stop to mince words1 or1 there is no affectation about me2 all my actions are perfectly natural1 and1 upon the ground of frankness1 will insult and wound by rude language1 and defend awkwardness and ill-breeding by the plea of natural manners4 ,if nature has not invested you with all the virtues which may be desirable in a lady1 do not make your faults more conspicuous by thrusting them forward upon all occasions1 and at all times4 ,assume a virtue if you have it not1 and you will1 in time1 by imitation1 acquire it4 ,by endeavoring to appear generous1 disinterested1 self-sacrificing1 and amiable1 the opposite passions will be brought into subjection1 first in the manner1 afterwards in the heart4 ,it is not the desire to deceive1 but the desire to please1 which will dictate such a course4 ,when you hear one1 who pretends to be a lady1 boast that she is rough1 capricious1 and gluttonous1 you may feel sure that she has never tried to conquer these faults1 or she would be ashamed1 not proud1 of them4 ,the way to make yourself pleasing to others1 is to show that you care for them4 ,the whole world is like the miller at ,mansfield1 who cared for nobody--no1 not he--because nobody cared for him4 ,and the whole world will serve you so1 if you give them the same cause4 ,let every one1 therefore1 see that you do care for them1 by showing them1 what ,sterne so happily calls1 the small1 sweet courtesies of life1 those courtesies in which there is no parade2 whose voice is too still to tease1 and which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate looks1 and little1 kind acts of attention1 giving others the preference in every little enjoyment at the table1 in the field1 walking1 sitting1 or standing4 ,thus the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish consideration of others4 ,by endeavoring to acquire the habit of politeness1 it will soon become familiar1 and sit on you with ease1 if not with elegance4 ,let it never be forgotten1 that genuine politeness is a great fosterer of family love2 it allays accidental irritation1 by preventing harsh retorts and rude contradictions2 it softens the boisterous1 stimulates the indolent1 suppresses selfishness1 and by forming a habit of consideration for others1 harmonizes the whole4 ,politeness begets politeness1 and brothers may be easily won by it1 to leave off the rude ways they bring home from school or college4 ,sisters ought never to receive any little attention without thanking them for it1 never to ask a favor of them but in courteous terms1 never to reply to their questions in monosyllables1 and they will soon be ashamed to do such things themselves4 ,both precept and example ought to be laid under contribution1 to convince them that no one can have really good manners abroad1 who is not habitually polite at home4 ,if you wish to be a well-bred lady1 you must carry your good manners everywhere with you4 ,it is not a thing that can be laid aside and put on at pleasure4 ,true politeness is uniform disinterestedness in trifles1 accompanied by the calm self-possession which belongs to a noble simplicity of purpose2 and this must be the effect of a ,christian spirit running through all you do1 or say1 or think2 and1 unless you cultivate it and exercise it1 upon all occasions and towards all persons1 it will never be a part of yourself4 ,it is not an art to be paraded upon public occasions1 and neglected in every-day duties2 nor should it1 like a ball-dress1 be carefully laid aside at home1 trimmed1 ornamented1 and worn only when out4 ,let it come into every thought1 and it will show forth in every action4 ,let it be the rule in the homeliest duties1 and then it will set easily when in public1 not in a stiff manner1 like a garment seldom worn4 ,i wish it were possible to convince every woman that politeness is a most excellent good quality2 that it is a necessary ingredient in social comfort1 and a capital assistant to actual prosperity4 ,like most good things1 however1 the word politeness is often misunderstood and misapplied2 and before urging the practical use of that which it represents1 it may be necessary to say what it means1 and what it does not mean4 ,politeness is not hypocrisy3--cold-heartedness1 or unkindness in disguise4 ,there are persons who can smile upon a victim1 and talk smoothly1 while they injure1 deceive1 or betray4 ,and they will take credit to themselves1 that all has been done with the utmost politeness2 that every tone1 look1 and action1 has been in perfect keeping with the rules of good breeding4 ,the words of their mouth are smoother than butter1 but war is in their heart3 their words are softer than oil1 yet are they drawn swords4 ,perish for ever and ever such spurious politeness as this6 ,politeness is not servility4 ,if it were so1 a ,russian serf would be a model of politeness4 ,it is very possible for persons to be very cringing and obsequious1 without a single atom of politeness2 and it often happens that men of the most sturdy independence of character1 are essentially polite in all their words1 actions1 and feelings4 ,it were well for this to be fully understood1 for many people will abstain from acts of real politeness1 and even of common civility1 for fear of damaging their fancied independence4 ,true politeness1 as ,i understand it1 is kindness and courtesy of feeling brought into every-day exercise4 ,it comprehends hearty good will towards everybody1 thorough and constant good-humor1 an easy deportment1 and obliging manners4 ,every person who cultivates such feelings1 and takes no pains to conceal them1 will necessarily be polite1 though she may not exactly know it2 while1 on the other hand1 a woman essentially morose and selfish1 whatever may be her pretensions1 must be very far from truly polite4 ,it is very true there are those whose position in society compels them to observe certain rules of etiquette which pass for politeness4 ,they bow or courtesy with a decent grace2 shake hands with the precise degree of vigor which the circumstances of the case require2 speak just at the right time1 and in the required manner1 and smile with elegant propriety4 ,not a tone1 look1 or gesture1 is out of place2 not a habit indulged which etiquette forbids2 and yet1 there will be wanting1 after all1 the secret charm of sincerity and heart kindness1 which those outward signs are intended to represent2 and1 wanting which1 we have only the form1 without the essence1 of politeness4 ,let me recommend1 therefore1 far beyond all the rules ever penned by teachers of etiquette1 the cultivation of kind and loving feelings4 ,throw your whole soul into the lesson1 and you will advance rapidly towards the perfection of politeness1 for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh1 and the movements of your form and the words you utter will follow faithfully the hidden springs of action within4 ,there cannot be genuine good breeding to any happy degree1 where there is not self-respect4 ,it is that which imparts ease and confidence to our manners1 and impels us1 for our own sake1 as well as for the sake of others1 to behave becomingly as intelligent beings4 ,it is a want of true politeness that introduces the discord and confusion which too often make our homes unhappy4 ,a little consideration for the feelings of those whom we are bound to love and cherish1 and a little sacrifice of our own wills1 would1 in multitudes of instances1 make all the difference between alienation and growing affection4 ,the principle of genuine politeness would accomplish this2 and what a pity it is that those whose only spring of rational enjoyment is to be found at home1 should miss that enjoyment by a disregard of little things1 which1 after all1 make up the sum of human existence6 ,what a large amount of actual discomfort in domestic life would be prevented1 if all children were trained1 both by precept and example1 to the practice of common politeness6 ,if they were taught to speak respectfully to parents1 and brothers1 and sisters1 to friends1 neighbors1 and strangers1 what bawlings1 and snarlings would be stilled6 ,if their behavior within doors1 and especially at the table1 were regulated by a few of the common rules of good breeding1 how much natural and proper disgust would be spared6 ,if courtesy of demeanor1 towards all whom they meet in field or highway1 were instilled1 how much more pleasant would be our town travels1 and our rustic rambles6 ,every parent has a personal interest in this matter2 and if every parent would but make the needful effort1 a great degree of gross incivility1 and consequent annoyance1 would soon be swept away from our hearths and homes4 ,whilst earnestly endeavoring to acquire true politeness1 avoid that spurious imitation1 affectation4 ,it is to genuine politeness and good breeding1 what the showy paste is to the pure diamond4 ,it is the offspring of a sickly taste1 a deceitful heart1 and a sure proof of low breeding4 ,the certain test of affectation in any individual1 is the looking1 speaking1 moving1 or acting in any way different when in the presence of others1 especially those whose opinion we regard and whose approbation we desire1 from what we should do in solitude1 or in the presence of those only whom we disregard1 or who we think cannot injure or benefit us4 ,the motive for resisting affectation is1 that it is both unsuccessful and sinful4 ,it always involves a degree of hypocrisy1 which is exceedingly offensive in the sight of ,god1 which is generally detected even by men1 and which1 when detected1 exposes its subject to contempt which could never have been excited by the mere absence of any quality or possession1 as it is by the false assumption of what is not real4 ,the best cure for affectation is the cultivation1 on principle1 of every good1 virtuous1 and amiable habit and feeling1 not for the sake of being approved or admired1 but because it is right in itself1 and without considering what people will think of it4 ,thus a real character will be formed instead of a part being assumed1 and admiration and love will be spontaneously bestowed where they are really deserved4 ,artificial manners are easily seen through2 and the result of such observations1 however accomplished and beautiful the object may be1 is contempt for such littleness4 ,many ladies1 moving1 too1 in good society1 will affect a forward1 bold manner1 very disagreeable to persons of sense4 ,they will tell of their wondrous feats1 when engaged in pursuits only suited for men2 they will converse in a loud1 boisterous tone2 laugh loudly2 sing comic songs1 or dashing bravuras in a style only fit for the stage or a gentleman's after-dinner party2 they will lay wagers1 give broad hints and then brag of their success in forcing invitations or presents2 interlard their conversation with slang words or phrases suited only to the stable or bar-room1 and this they think is a dashing1 fascinating manner4 ,it may be encouraged1 admired1 in their presence1 by gentlemen1 and imitated by younger ladies1 but1 be sure1 it is looked upon with contempt1 and disapproval by every one of good sense1 and that to persons of real refinement it is absolutely disgusting4 ,other ladies1 taking quite as mistaken a view of real refinement1 will affect the most childish timidity1 converse only in whispers1 move slowly as an invalid1 faint at the shortest notice1 and on the slightest provocation2 be easily moved to tears1 and profess never to eat1 drink1 or sleep4 ,this course is as absurd as the other1 and much more troublesome1 as everybody dreads the scene which will follow any shock to the dear creature's nerves1 and will be careful to avoid any dangerous topics4 ,self-respect1 and a proper deference for our superiors in age or intellect1 will be the best safeguards against either a cringing or insolent manner4 ,without self-respect you will be apt to be both awkward and bashful2 either of which faults are entirely inconsistent with a graceful manner4 ,be careful that while you have sufficient self-respect to make your manner easy1 it does not become arrogance and so engender insolence4 ,avoid sarcasm2 it will1 unconsciously to yourself1 degenerate into pertness1 and often downright rudeness4 ,do not be afraid to speak candidly1 but temper candor with courtesy1 and never let wit run into that satire that will wound deeply1 whilst it amuses only slightly4 ,let your carriage be at once dignified and graceful4 ,there are but few figures that will bear quick motion2 with almost every one its effect is that of a jerk1 a most awkward movement4 ,let the feet1 in walking or dancing1 be turned out slightly2 when you are seated1 rest them both on the floor or a footstool4 ,to sit with the knees or feet crossed or doubled up1 is awkward and unlady-like4 ,carry your arms1 in walking1 easily2 never crossing them stiffly or swinging them beside you4 ,when seated1 if you are not sewing or knitting1 keep your hands perfectly quiet4 ,this1 whilst one of the most difficult accomplishments to attain1 is the surest mark of a lady4 ,do not fidget1 playing with your rings1 brooch1 or any little article that may be near you2 let your hands rest in an easy1 natural position1 perfectly quiet4 ,never gesticulate when conversing2 it looks theatrical1 and is ill-bred2 so are all contortions of the features1 shrugging of shoulders1 raising of the eyebrows1 or hands4 ,when you open a conversation1 do so with a slight bow and smile1 but be careful not to simper1 and not to smile too often1 if the conversation becomes serious4 ,never point4 ,it is excessively ill-bred4 ,avoid exclamations2 they are in excessively bad taste1 and are apt to be vulgar words4 ,a lady may express as much polite surprise or concern by a few simple1 earnest words1 or in her manner1 as she can by exclaiming ,good gracious6 ,mercy6 or ,dear me6 ,remember that every part of your person and dress should be in perfect order before you leave the dressing-room1 and avoid all such tricks as smoothing your hair with your hand1 arranging your curls1 pulling the waist of your dress down1 or settling your collar or sleeves4 ,avoid lounging attitudes1 they are indelicate1 except in your own private apartment4 ,nothing but ill health will excuse them before company1 and a lady had better keep her room if she is too feeble to sit up in the drawing-room4 ,let your deportment suit your age and figure2 to see a tiny1 fairy-like young girl1 marching erect1 stiff1 and awkwardly1 like a soldier on parade1 is not more absurd than to see a middle-aged1 portly woman1 aping the romping1 hoydenish manners of a school-girl4 ,let the movements be easy and flexible1 and accord with the style of the lady4 ,let your demeanor be always marked by modesty and simplicity2 as soon as you become forward or affected1 you have lost your greatest charm of manner4 ,you should be quite as anxious to talk with propriety as you are to think1 work1 sing1 paint1 or write1 according to the most correct rules4 ,always select words calculated to convey an exact impression of your meaning4 ,let your articulation be easy1 clear1 correct in accent1 and suited in tone and emphasis to your discourse4 ,avoid a muttering1 mouthing1 stuttering1 droning1 guttural1 nasal1 or lisping1 pronunciation4 ,let your speech be neither too loud nor too low2 but adjusted to the ear of your companion4 ,try to prevent the necessity of any person crying1 ,what8 ,what8 ,avoid a loquacious propensity2 you should never occupy more than your share of the time1 or more than is agreeable to others4 ,beware of such vulgar interpolations as ,you know1 ,you see1 ,i'll tell you what4 ,pay a strict regard to the rules of grammar1 even in private conversation4 ,if you do not understand these rules1 learn them1 whatever be your age or station4 ,though you should always speak pleasantly1 do not mix your conversation with loud bursts of laughter4 ,never indulge in uncommon words1 or in ,latin and ,french phrases1 but choose the best understood terms to express your meaning4 ,above all1 let your conversation be intellectual1 graceful1 chaste1 discreet1 edifying1 and profitable4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,church4 ,in entering a church of a different denomination from the one you have been in the habit of frequenting1 ask the sexton to show you to a seat4 ,it is the height of rudeness to enter a pew without invitation1 as the owner may desire1 if her family do not require all the seats1 to invite her own personal friends to take the vacant places4 ,if you are not perfectly familiar with the manner of conducting the worship1 observe those around you1 rise1 kneel1 and sit1 as you see they do4 ,it is a mark of disrespect for the pastor as well as irreverence for the ,most ,high1 to remain seated through the whole service1 unless you are ill1 or otherwise incapacitated from standing and kneeling4 ,enter the sacred edifice slowly1 reverentially1 and take your seat quietly4 ,it is not required of you to bow to any friend you may see in passing up the aisle1 as you are supposed yourself to be1 and suppose her to be entirely absorbed in thought proper for the occasion4 ,to stare round the church1 or if you are not alone1 to whisper to your companion1 is irreverent1 indelicate1 and rude4 ,if your own feelings will not prompt you to silence and reverence1 pay some regard to the feelings of others4 ,be careful not to appear to notice those around you4 ,if others are so rude as to talk or conduct improperly1 fix your own mind upon the worship which you come to pay1 and let the impertinence pass unheeded4 ,if there is another person in the same pew with yourself1 who1 more familiar with the service1 hands you the book1 or points out the place1 acknowledge the civility by a silent bow2 it is not necessary to speak4 ,in your own pew1 extend this courtesy to a stranger who may come in beside you1 and even if it is a gentleman you may1 with perfect propriety1 hand him a book1 or1 if there is but one1 offer him a share of your own4 ,endeavor always to be in your seat before the service commences1 and after it is over do not hurry away1 and1 above all1 do not begin your preparations for departure1 by shutting up your book1 or putting on any article of dress you have removed1 before the benediction4 ,if you are invited to accompany a friend to church1 be sure you are ready in good season1 that you may not keep her waiting when she calls1 or cause her to lose any part of the service by detaining her at your house4 ,if you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew1 call for her early1 give her the most comfortable place1 and be sure she has a prayer and hymn-book4 ,if you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's child1 be at the house of the parents in season to accompany the family to church1 and send1 the day before1 the gift you design for the babe4 ,a silver cup is the usual present1 with your little namesake's initials1 or full name1 engraved upon it4 ,in assisting at a wedding at church1 if you are one of the bridesmaids1 wear white1 a white bonnet but no veil4 ,if you occupy the first place1 the bride's1 it is in better taste to be married in a simple dress and bonnet1 and don your full dress when you return home to receive your friends4 ,in such ceremonies the wedding-party all meet in the vestry1 and go to the altar together4,a ,a ,for further particulars1 see chapter on ,bridal ,etiquette4 ,at a funeral1 enter the church quietly1 and1 unless you belong to the mourners1 wait until they leave the church before you rise from your seat4 ,never attempt to speak to any of the afflicted family4 ,however heartfelt your sympathy1 it will not be welcome at that time4 ,if1 when entering a crowded church1 a gentleman sees you and offers his seat1 acknowledge his civility1 whether accepted or declined1 by a bow1 and a whispered thank you4 ,many1 who claim the name of lady1 and think they are well-bred1 will accept such an act of politeness without making the slightest acknowledgement4 ,if the service has commenced1 do not speak2 a courteous inclination of the head will convey your sense of obligation4 ,remember1 as an imperative1 general rule1 in whatever church you may be1 whether at home or abroad1 conform to the mode of worship whilst you are in that church4 ,if you find1 in these modes1 forms which are disagreeable to you1 or which shock your own ideas of religion1 avoid a second visit1 but do not insult the congregation1 by showing your contempt or disapproval1 whilst you are among them4 ,silence1 quiet attention1 and a grave1 reverential demeanor1 mark the ,christian lady in church4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,ball ,,room ,,etiquette4 ,,for ,,the ,,hostess4 ,when you have decided upon what evening you will give your ball1 send out your invitations1 a fortnight before the evening appointed4 ,to ladies1 word them3-- ,mrs4 ,l---- requests the pleasure of ,miss ,g----'s company on ,wednesday evening1 ,jan4 #agth1 at #i o'clock4 ,dancing4 ,the favor of an early answer is requested4 ,to gentlemen3-- ,mrs4 ,l----'s compliments to ,mr4 ,r---- for ,wednesday evening1 ,jan4 #agth1 at #i o'clock4 ,dancing4 ,the favor of an early answer is requested4 ,if you are unmarried1 put your mother's name with your own upon the cards4 ,if you have a father or grown-up brother1 let the invitations to the gentlemen go in his name4 ,in making your list for a ball1 do not set down all of your dear five hundred friends4 ,the middle-aged1 7unless they come as chaperons17 the serious1 and the sober-minded1 will not accept your invitation1 and the two last named may consider it insulting to be invited to so frivolous an amusement4 ,by the way1 ,i do not agree with the straight-laced people1 who condemn all such amusements4 ,i agree with ,madame ,pilau4 ,when the cure of her parish told her he was writing a series of sermons against dancing1 she said to him3 ,you are talking of what you do not understand4 ,you have never been to a ball1 ,i have2 and ,i assure you there is no sin in the matter worthy of mention or notice4 ,if you really wish for dancing1 you will accommodate your guests to your rooms1 inviting one third more than they will hold1 as about that number generally disappoint a ball-giver4 ,if you wish to have a rush of people1 and do not mind heat1 crowding1 and discomfort1 to insure an immense assembly1 7a ball to be talked about for its size only17 then you may invite every body who figures upon your visiting list4 ,over one hundred is a large ball1 under that a ball1 unless there are less than fifty guests1 when it is merely a dance4 ,the directions given in chapter #eth for the arrangement of the dressing-rooms will apply here1 but your parlor1 or ball room1 requires some attention4 ,have the carpets taken up two days before the evening of the ball1 and the floor waxed4 ,a smooth1 polished floor is an absolute necessity for pleasant dancing4 ,at one end of your ball room1 have a space partitioned off for the musicians4 ,leave1 for their use1 plenty of room1 as silence or discord will come from a crowded orchestra4 ,if your house is double1 and you use the rooms on each side1 place the musicians in the hall4 ,four pieces of music is enough for a private ball1 unless your rooms are very large4 ,for one room a piano1 violin1 and violoncello makes a good band4 ,you must have your rooms well ventilated if you wish to avoid fainting and discomfort4 ,to secure a really brilliant ball1 pay considerable attention to the arrangement of your ball room4 ,in ,paris this arrangement consists in turning the room1 for the evening1 into a perfect garden4 ,every corner is filled with flowers4 ,wreaths1 bouquets1 baskets1 and flowering-plants in moss-covered pots4 ,with brilliant light1 and taste in the details of arranging them1 this profusion of flowers produces an exquisitely beautiful effect1 and harmonizes perfectly with the light dresses1 cheerful faces1 and gay music4 ,the pleasure of your guests1 as well as the beauty of the rooms1 will be increased by the elegance of your arrangements2 their beauty will be heightened by brilliant light1 and by judicious management a scene of fairy-like illusion may be produced4 ,not only in the ball room itself1 but in the hall1 supper-room1 and dressing-rooms1 place flowers4 ,a fine effect is produced1 by placing a screen1 covered with green and flowers1 before the space set apart for the musicians4 ,to hear the music proceeding from behind this floral embankment1 and yet have the scraping and puffing men invisible1 adds very much to the illusion of the scene4 ,in the dressing-rooms have1 at least1 two servants for each4 ,let them take the cloaks and hoods1 and put a numbered ticket upon each bundle1 handing the duplicate number to the lady or gentleman owning it4 ,it is best to have the supper-room upon the same floor as the ball room4 ,the light dresses1 worn upon such occasions1 suffer severely in passing up and down a crowded staircase4 ,have a number of double cards written or printed with a list of the dances1 arranged in order1 upon one side1 and a space for engagements upon the other4 ,attach a small pencil to each4 ,let a waiter stand at the entrance to the ball room1 and hand a card to each guest as they pass in4 ,the first strain of music must be a march2 then follows a quadrille1 then a waltz4 ,other dances follow in any order you prefer until the fourteenth1 which should be the march which announces supper4 ,if you throw open the supper-room1 early1 and the guests go out when they wish1 the march may be omitted4 ,twenty-one to twenty-four dances are sufficient4 ,have an interval of ten minutes after each one4 ,the supper-room should be thrown open at midnight1 and remain open until your last guest has departed4 ,let it be brilliantly lighted1 and have plenty of waiters in attendance4 ,there can be no rule laid down for the supper4 ,it may be hot or heavily iced4 ,it may consist entirely of confectionary1 or it may include the bill of fare for a hotel table4 ,one rule you must observe2 have abundance of everything4 ,other entertainments may be given upon economical principles1 but a ball cannot4 ,light1 attendance1 supper1 every detail must be carefully attended to1 and a ball must be an expensive luxury4 ,at a ball-supper every one stands up4 ,the waiters will hand refreshment from the tables to the gentlemen1 who1 in turn1 wait upon the ladies4 ,you must bring forth your whole array of smiles1 when you perform the part of hostess in a ball room4 ,as your guests will come dropping in at all hours1 you must hover near the door to greet each one entering4 ,there will be many strangers amongst the gentlemen4 ,miss ,g4 will bring her fiancee4 ,miss ,l41 her brother1 just returned1 after ten years' absence1 from ,india4 ,miss ,r4 introduces her cousin1 in the city for a week4 ,miss ,m41 as a belle1 will1 perhaps1 take the liberty of telling some ten or twelve of her most devoted admirers where she may be seen on the evening of your ball1 and1 though strangers1 they will1 one after another1 bow over your hand4 ,to each and every one you must extend the amiable greeting due to an invited guest4 ,if you are the only lady of the house1 your duties will1 indeed1 be laborious4 ,you must be everywhere at the same moment4 ,not a guest must pass unwelcomed4 ,you must introduce partners to all the wall-flowers4 ,you must see that every set is made up before the music commences4 ,each guest must be introduced to a proper partner for every dance1 and not one frown1 one pettish word1 one look of fatigue1 one sigh of utter weariness must disturb your smiling serenity4 ,you must be ready to chat cheerfully with every bore who detains you1 when crossing the room1 to make up a set of quadrilles in a minute's time2 listen patiently to the sighing lover1 whose fair one is engaged fifty times during twenty dances2 secure a good dancer for each longing belle2 do the same for the beaux2 yet you must never be hurried1 worried1 or fatigued4 ,if there are several ladies1 a mother and two or three daughters1 for instance1 divide the duties4 ,let one receive the guests1 another arrange the sets1 a third introduce couples1 and a fourth pair off the talkers4 ,a brother or father will be a treasure in a ball room1 as the standing of sets can be better managed by a gentleman than a lady4 ,none of the ladies who give the ball should dance until every fair guest has a partner4 ,one of your duties will be to see that no young ladies lose their supper for want of an escort to ask them to go out4 ,you may give the hint to an intimate gentleman friend1 if there is no brother or father to take the duty1 introduce him to the disconsolate damsel1 and send her off happy4 ,if all the guests go to the supper-room when it is first thrown open1 you must be the last to leave the ball room4 ,for the hostess to take the lead to the supper-room1 leaving her guests to pair off1 and follow as they please1 is in very bad taste4 ,if you announce supper by a march1 many of your guests will remain in the ball room1 to promenade1 avoid the crowd at the first table1 and indulge in a tete-a-tete conversation4 ,these will afterwards go out1 in pairs1 when the first crush in the refreshment-room is over4 ,if1 by accident or negligence1 you miss an introduction to any of your gentlemen guests1 you may still speak to them if you wish4 ,it is your privilege as hostess to introduce yourself1 and invite any gentleman to dance with you1 or offer to introduce him to a partner4 ,in the latter case he ought to mention his name1 but if he omits to do so1 you may ask it4 ,there has been a custom introduced in some of our large cities lately1 which is an admirable one for a private ball4 ,it is to hire1 for the evening1 a public hall4 ,this includes the dressing-room1 supper-room1 every comfort1 and saves you from the thousand annoyances which are certain to follow a ball in a private house4 ,you hire the hall and other rooms1 the price including light1 hire a band of music1 and order a supper at a confectioners1 hiring from his establishment all the china1 glass1 and silver you will want4 ,in this case you must enclose in every invitation a ticket to admit your friend's party1 to prevent loungers from the street coming in1 uninvited4 ,you will1 perhaps1 find the actual outlay of money greater1 when you thus hire your ball room1 but you will save more than the difference in labor1 annoyance1 and the injury to your house4 ,you secure a better room than any parlor1 you have the floor waxed and polished without the trouble of taking up your carpets4 ,you save all the dreadful labor of cleaning up the house the next day1 as well as that of preparation4 ,you can1 if you wish1 invite a few friends to a late dinner with you1 and all proceed to the ball room together4 ,you must be the first to enter the room1 the last to leave it1 and every duty is the same as if you were at home2 the ball room is1 in fact1 your own house1 for the evening4 ,if you wish your guests to come in costume for a fancy ball1 name the character of the entertainment in your invitation4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,ball ,,room ,,etiquette4 ,,for ,,the ,,guest4 ,as in every other case where hospitality is extended to you by invitation1 you must send your answer as soon as possible1 accepting or declining the civility4 ,in preparing a costume for a ball1 choose something very light4 ,heavy1 dark silks are out of place in a ball room1 and black should be worn in no material but lace4 ,for a married lady1 rich silk of some light color1 trimmed with flowers1 lace1 or tulle2 white silk plain1 or lace over satin1 make an exquisite toilette4 ,jewels are perfectly appropriate2 also feathers in the coiffure4 ,for the young lady1 pure white or light colors should be worn1 and the most appropriate dress is of some thin material made over silk1 white1 or the same color as the outer dress4 ,satin or velvet are entirely out of place on a young lady4 ,let the coiffure be of flowers or ribbons1 never feathers1 and but very little jewelry is becoming to an unmarried lady4 ,all ladies must wear boots or slippers of satin1 white1 black1 or the color of the dress4 ,white are the most appropriate2 black1 the most becoming to the foot4 ,white kid gloves1 full trimmed1 a fine lace trimmed handkerchief1 and a fan1 are indispensable4 ,be very careful1 when dressing for a ball1 that the hair is firmly fastened1 and the coiffure properly adjusted4 ,nothing is more annoying than to have the hair loosen or the head-dress fall off in a crowded ball room4 ,your first duty1 upon entering the room1 is to speak to your hostess4 ,after a few words of greeting1 turn to the other guests4 ,at a private ball1 no lady will refuse an introduction to a gentleman4 ,it is an insult to her hostess1 implying that her guests are not gentlemen4 ,it is optional with the lady whether to continue or drop the acquaintance after the ball is over1 but for that evening1 however disagreeable1 etiquette requires her to accept him for one dance1 if she is disengaged1 and her hostess requests it4 ,at a public ball1 it is safest to decline all introductions made by the master of ceremonies1 though1 as before1 such acquaintances are not binding after the evening is over4 ,be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman4 ,a prior engagement will1 of course1 excuse you1 but if you plead fatigue1 or really feel it1 do not dance the set with another gentleman2 it is most insulting1 though sometimes done4 ,on the other hand1 be careful that you do not engage yourself twice for the same quadrille4 ,in a polka or valse1 you may do this1 saying1 ,i will dance the second half with you1 but have a prior engagement for the first4 ,then1 after a few rounds with your first partner1 say to him that you are engaged for the remainder of the dance1 resume your seat1 and your second partner will seek you4 ,let your manner in a ball room be quiet4 ,it looks very badly to see a lady endeavoring to attract attention by her boisterous manner1 loud talking1 or over-active dancing4 ,do not drag through dances as if you found them wearisome2 it is an insult to your partner1 but while you are cheerful and animated1 be lady-like and dignified in your deportment4 ,at the end of each dance1 your partner will offer his arm1 and conduct you to a seat2 then bow1 and release him from further attendance1 as he may be engaged for the next dance4 ,when invited to dance1 hand your ball card to the gentleman1 who will put his name in one of the vacant places4 ,if you wish to go to the supper-room1 accept the invitation that will be made1 after the dances whilst it is open1 but do not remain there long4 ,you may be keeping your escort from other engagements4 ,if you are accompanied by a gentleman1 besides your father or brother1 remember he has the right to the first dance1 and also will expect to take you in to supper4 ,do not let any one else interfere with his privilege4 ,if you wish1 during the evening1 to go to the dressing-room to arrange any part of your dress1 request the gentleman with whom you are dancing to escort you there4 ,he will wait for you at the door1 and take you back to the ball-room4 ,do not detain him any longer than is necessary4 ,never leave the ball room1 for any such purpose1 alone1 as there are always gentlemen near and round the door1 and it looks very badly to see a lady1 unattended1 going through a crowd of gentlemen4 ,it is best at a ball1 to dance only every other dance1 as over-fatigue1 and probably a flushed face1 will follow too much dancing4 ,decline the intermediate ones1 on the plea of fatigue1 or fear of fatigue4 ,never go into the supper-room with the same gentleman twice4 ,you may go more than once1 if you wish for an ice or glass of water1 7surely no lady wants two or three suppers17 but do not tax the same gentleman more than once1 even if he invites you after each dance4 ,no lady of taste will carry on a flirtation in a ball room1 so as to attract remark4 ,be careful1 unless you wish your name coupled with his1 how you dance too often with the same gentleman4 ,if you are so unfortunate as1 forgetting a prior engagement1 to engage yourself to two gentlemen for the same dance1 decline dancing it altogether1 or you will surely offend one of them4 ,never press forward to take the lead in a quadrille1 and if others1 not understanding the figures1 make confusion1 try to get through without remark4 ,it is useless to attempt to teach them1 as the music1 and other sets1 will finish the figure long before you can teach and dance it4 ,keep your temper1 refrain from all remark1 and endeavor to make your partner forget1 in your cheerful conversation1 the annoyances of the dance4 ,there is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere of a ball room4 ,the light1 music1 company1 and even dancing itself1 are all conducive to high spirits2 be careful that this flow of spirits does not lead you into hoydenism and rudeness4 ,guard your actions and your tongue1 that you may leave the room as quietly and gracefully as you enter it4 ,avoid confidential conversation in a ball room4 ,it is out of season1 and in excessively bad taste4 ,be modest and reserved1 but avoid bashfulness4 ,it looks like a school-girl1 and is invariably awkward4 ,never allow your partner1 though he may be your most intimate friend1 to converse in a low tone1 or in any way assume a confidential or lover-like air at a ball4 ,it is in excessively bad taste1 and gives annoyance frequently1 as others suppose such low-toned remarks may refer to them4 ,dance as others do4 ,it has a very absurd look to take every step with dancing-school accuracy1 and your partner will be the first one to notice it4 ,a quadrille takes no more steps than a graceful walk4 ,never stand up to dance in a quadrille1 unless you are perfectly familiar with the figures1 depending upon your partner to lead you through4 ,you will probably cause utter confusion in the set1 annoy the others forming it1 and make yourself appear absurd4 ,no young lady should go to a ball1 without the protection of a married lady1 or an elderly gentleman4 ,never cross a ball room alone4 ,never remain in a ball room until all the company have left it1 or even until the last set4 ,it is ill-bred1 and looks as if you were unaccustomed to such pleasures1 and so desirous to prolong each one4 ,leave while there are still two or three sets to be danced4 ,do not accept any invitation for these late dances1 as the gentleman who invites you may find out your absence too late to take another partner1 and you will thus deprive him of the pleasure of dancing4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,places ,,of ,,amusement4 ,do not accept an invitation to visit any place of public amusement1 with a gentleman with whom you are but slightly acquainted1 unless there is another lady also invited4 ,you may1 as a young lady1 go with a relative or your fiancee1 without a chaperon1 but not otherwise4 ,having received an invitation which it is proper for you to accept1 write an answer immediately1 appointing an hour for your escort to call for you1 and be sure that you are ready in good season4 ,to arrive late is not only annoying to those near your seat1 whom you disturb when you enter1 but it is ill-bred2 you will be supposed to be some one who is unable to come early1 instead of appearing as a lady who is mistress of her own time4 ,if the evening is cloudy1 or it rains1 your escort will probably bring a carriage2 and let me say a few words here about entering and leaving a carriage4 ,how to get in is difficult1 but of less importance than getting out2 because if you stumble in1 no one sees you1 but some one who may happen to be in the carriage2 but how to get out is so important1 that ,i will illustrate it by a short diplomatic anecdote3-- ,the ,princess of ,hesse-,darmstadt1 says ,m4 ,mercy d',argenteau1 an ambassador of the last century1 having been desired by the ,empress of ,austria to bring her three daughters to court1 in order that her ,imperial ,majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of her sons1 drove up in her coach to the palace gate4 ,scarcely had they entered the presence1 when1 before even speaking to them1 the empress went up to the second daughter1 and1 taking her by the hand1 said1 ',i choose this young lady4' ,the mother1 astonished at the suddenness of her choice1 inquired what had actuated it4 ',i watched the young ladies get out of their carriage1' said the empress4 ',your eldest daughter stepped on her dress1 and only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble2 the youngest jumped from the coach to the ground1 without touching the steps2 the second1 just lifting her dress in front1 so as she descended to show the point of her shoe1 calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground1 neither hurriedly nor stiffly1 but with grace and dignity3 she is fit to be an empress2 her eldest sister is too awkward1 her youngest too wild4' ,,the ,,theatre--,here you must wear your bonnet1 though you may throw aside your cloak or shawl1 if you desire it4 ,your escort will pass to your seats first1 and then turn and offer his hand to lead you to your own4 ,once seated1 give your attention entirely to the actors whilst the curtain is up--to your companion when it is down4 ,do not look round the house with your glass4 ,a lady's deportment should be very modest in a theatre4 ,avoid carefully every motion1 or gesture that will attract attention4 ,to flirt a fan1 converse in whispers1 indulge in extravagant gestures of merriment or admiration1 laugh loudly or clap your hands together1 are all excessively vulgar and unlady-like4 ,never turn your head to look at those seated behind you1 or near you4 ,if you speak to your companion while the curtain is up1 lower your voice1 that you may not disturb others interested in the conversation on the stage4 ,,the ,,opera--,here you should wear full dress1 an opera cloak1 and either a head-dress1 or dressy bonnet of some thin material4 ,your gloves must be of kid1 white1 or some very light tint to suit your dress4 ,many dress for the opera as they would for the theatre2 but the beauty of the house is much enhanced by each lady contributing her full dress toilette to the general effect4 ,if you go to the dressing-room1 leave your hood and shawl in the care of the woman in waiting1 whom you must fee when she returns them to you4 ,if you do not wish to go to the dressing-room1 allow your escort to take off your shawl or cloak1 and throw it over the back of the seat4 ,as your opera cloak must be light enough to keep on all the evening1 though you may throw it open1 you must wear over it a heavier cloak or a shawl4 ,throw this off in the lobby1 just before you enter your box4 ,your gloves you must keep on all the evening4 ,avoid handling the play bills1 as the printing ink will soil your gloves in a few minutes1 making your hands appear very badly for the rest of the evening4 ,you should be in your seat at the opera before the overture commences4 ,never converse during the performance4 ,even the lowest toned remark will disturb a real lover of music1 and these will be near you on all sides4 ,exclamations of admiration1 ,exquisite6 ,beautiful6 or ,lovely6 are in the worst taste4 ,show your appreciation by quiet attention to every note1 and avoid every exclamation or gesture4 ,in our new opera houses there are rooms for promenade1 and between the acts your escort may invite you to walk there4 ,you may accept the invitation with perfect propriety4 ,he will leave the box first and then offer his hand to you4 ,in the lobby take his arm1 and keep it until you return to the box4 ,if you have taken your cloak or shawl to your seat1 leave them there during your promenade4 ,return to your seat when the gong sounds the recall1 that you may not disturb others after the next act commences4 ,in walking up and down in the promenading saloon1 you may pass and repass friends4 ,bow the first time you meet them1 but not again4 ,if you meet your gentlemen friends there1 bow1 but do not stop to speak4 ,they may join you for once round the room1 then allow them to leave you4 ,your escort will feel justly offended if you allow any other gentlemen to engross your attention entirely when he has invited you to the entertainment4 ,,concerts--,here1 as at the opera1 you may wear a bonnet or not1 as you will4 ,go early to the hall1 unless you have secured a seat1 and then1 be in time for the first song4 ,if you are unavoidably late1 enter quietly1 and take a seat near the door4 ,it is very rude to push forward to the front of the hall1 and either crowd those upon the benches1 or force some gentleman to offer you his place4 ,if the hall is so crowded that even the back seats are full1 and a gentleman offers you his place1 you should thank him before accepting it4 ,again1 ,i repeat1 do not converse1 or disturb those around you by exclamations or gesticulations4 ,,lectures--,two ladies may attend a lecture1 unaccompanied by a gentleman1 without attracting attention4 ,the dress1 bonnet1 and cloak1 worn in the street1 should be worn in a lecture-room1 as these are1 by no means1 occasions for full dress4 ,if you return at an early hour from any place of amusement1 invite your escort into the house upon your arrival there1 and lay aside your bonnet and shawl4 ,if you keep them on1 he will conclude that you expect him to shorten his visit4 ,if it is late when you reach home1 he will probably decline your invitation to enter4 ,if1 however1 he accepts it1 do not lay aside your shawl1 and he will soon leave you4 ,if he asks permission to call in the morning1 you must1 unless prevented by an imperative engagement1 remain at home to see him4 ,upon your way home from the theatre1 concert1 or opera1 speak warmly of the pleasure of the evening1 and1 at parting1 thank him for that pleasure4 ,show by your manner that you have heartily enjoyed the entertainment you owe to his civility4 ,if you are weary1 do not allow him to see it4 ,if disappointed1 conceal that also4 ,you will be able to find some good points in the performance2 speak of these and ignore the bad ones4 ,if at the theatre1 opera1 or in a concert-room1 you see an acquaintance1 you are not expected to recognize her1 unless near enough to speak4 ,a lady must not bow to any one1 even her own sister1 across a theatre or concert-room4 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,accomplishments4 ,in the present age1 when education is within the reach of all1 both rich and poor1 every lady will endeavor to become1 not only well educated1 but accomplished4 ,it is not1 as some will assert1 a waste of time or money4 ,not only the fingers1 voice1 and figure are improved1 but the heart and intellect will become refined1 and the happiness greatly increased4 ,take the young lady after a solid basis has been laid in her mind of the more important branches of education1 and rear upon that basis the structure of lighter education--the accomplishments4 ,to cultivate these1 disregarding the more solid information1 is to build your castle without any foundation1 and make it1 not only absurd1 but unsteady4 ,the pleasure of hearing from a lady a cavatina executed in the most finished manner1 will be entirely destroyed1 if her first spoken words after the performance are vulgar1 or her sentence ungrammatical4 ,a lady without her piano1 or her pencil1 her library of ,french1 ,german1 or ,italian authors1 her fancy work and tasteful embroideries1 is now rarely met with1 and it is right that such arts should be universal4 ,no woman is fitted for society until she dances well2 for home1 unless she is perfect mistress of needlework2 for her own enjoyment1 unless she has at least one accomplishment to occupy thoughts and fingers in her hours of leisure4 ,first upon the list of accomplishments1 comes the art of conversing well4 ,it is always ready4 ,circumstances in society will constantly throw you into positions where you can use no other accomplishment4 ,you will not have a musical instrument within reach1 singing would be out of place1 your fancy work at home1 on many occasions1 and then you can exert your most fascinating as well as useful accomplishment1 the art of conversing well4 ,little culture1 unfortunately1 is bestowed upon this accomplishment1 which1 beyond all others1 promotes the happiness of home1 enlivens society1 and improves the minds of both speaker and listener4 ,how many excellent women are deficient in the power of expressing themselves well1 or1 indeed1 of expressing themselves at all6 ,how many minds cream and mantle from the want of energy to pour themselves out in words6 ,on the other hand1 how some1 equally well-intentioned1 drown the very senses in their torrent of remarks1 which dashes1 like a water-fall1 into a sombre pool of ennui below6 ,one lady will enter society1 well-dressed1 well-looking1 polite2 she does not intend to chill it by her presence2 yet her absence is found a relief4 ,she takes her place as if she considered it sufficient to dress and look well4 ,she brings no stock to the community of ideas4 ,her eyes return no response to the discourse which is going on4 ,when you have once glanced at her1 she becomes a mere expletive in the company4 ,another one will be found a talker4 ,she is like a canary bird2 when others begin to speak1 she hurries in her remarks1 in an accompaniment4 ,her voice must be uppermost2 conversation becomes a contest who can speak the most rapidly4 ,the timid and modest retire from the encounter--she has the field to herself4 ,she goes on1 without mercy2 the voice of a syren would fatigue1 if heard continually4 ,others revolt at the injustice of the monopoly1 and the words fall on ears that would be deaf if they could4 ,these are extreme cases2 there are many other minor errors4 ,the higher qualities of conversation must undoubtedly be based upon the higher qualities of the mind2 then it is1 indeed1 a privilege to commune with others4 ,to acquire the power of thus imparting the highest pleasure by conversational powers1 attention must be paid to literature4 ,i am supposing the solid foundation of a good education already laid1 but by literature1 ,i do not mean only that class of it which is taught at school4 ,reading1 at the present day1 is too much confined to light literature4 ,i would not speak against this4 ,the modern novels1 and the poets of all ages1 are good reading1 but let them be taken in moderation1 and varied by something more solid4 ,let them be the dessert to the more substantial dinner of history1 travels1 and works of a like nature4 ,independent of the strength and polish given to the mind by a thorough course of reading1 there is another reason why a lady should devote some portion of her time to it2 she cannot do without it4 ,she may1 lacking this1 pass through life respectably1 even elegantly2 but she cannot take her part in a communing with superior minds2 she may enjoy1 in wondering1 the radiance of their intelligence2 but the wondering must be composed1 in part1 of amazement at her own folly1 in not having herself sought out the treasure concealed in the fathomless depths of books4 ,she cannot truly enjoy society1 with this art neglected4 ,she may1 for a few brief years1 be the ornament of the drawing-room2 but it must be1 like many other ornaments there1 in still life2 she can never be the companion of the intellectual2 and the time is gone by1 when women1 with all their energies excited1 will be contented to be the mere plaything of brother1 husband1 or father4 ,still it is not to the erudite1 nor to the imaginative only1 that it is given to please in conversation4 ,the art of imparting our ideas easily and elegantly to others1 may be improved by ourselves1 if there are opportunities of mingling in good society1 with little study4 ,the mind must first be cultivated2 but it should not abash those who are conscious of moderate talents1 or imperfect cultivation1 from taking a due part in conversation1 on account of their inferiority4 ,it is a very different thing to shine and to please2 to shine in society is more frequently attempted than compassed3 to please is in the power of all4 ,the effort to shine1 when fruitless1 brings a certain disgrace1 and engenders mortification2 all good people are inclined to take the will for the deed1 when they see a desire to please4 ,a gentle1 deferential1 kind manner1 will disarm even the most discerning from criticising too severely the deficiencies of the inexperienced2 confidence1 disrespect of others1 volubility1 eagerness to dispute1 must irritate the self-love of others1 and produce an averseness to acknowledge talent or information1 where they may even happen to exist4 ,it is wiser and safer for a young lady1 in general1 to observe the good1 old-fashioned rule of being addressed first2 but then she must receive the address readily1 meeting it half way1 repaying it by enlarging a little upon the topic thus selected1 and not sinking into a dull silence1 the moment after a reply is given4 ,some young ladies start1 as if thunderstruck1 when spoken to1 and stare as if the person who pays them that attention1 had no right to awaken them from their reverie4 ,others look affronted1 possibly from shyness1 and begin a derogatory attack upon the beauty of their dress by twitching the front breadth--or move from side to side1 in evident distress and consternation4 ,time remedies these defects2 but there is one less curable and less endurable--that of pertness and flippancy--the loud remarks and exclamations--the look of self-sufficiency and confidence4 ,but these offensive manifestations spring from some previous and deep-seated defects of character1 and are only to be repelled by what1 ,i fear1 they will frequently encounter--the mortification of inspiring disgust4 ,neither is the lengthy1 prosy1 didactic reply1 consistent with the submission and simplicity of youth2 egotism1 and egotism once removed1 that is1 the bringing into the topic one's own family and relations1 are also antidotes to the true spirit of conversation4 ,in general1 it is wiser1 more in good taste1 safer1 more becoming1 certainly more in accordance with good breeding1 to avoid talking of persons4 ,there are many snares in such topics2 not merely the danger of calumniating1 but that of engendering a slippery conscience in matters of fact4 ,a young girl1 shy and inexpert1 states a circumstance2 she feels her deficiency as a narrator1 for the power of telling a story1 is a power to be acquired only by practice4 ,she is sometimes tempted to heighten a little the incidents1 in order to get on a little better1 and to make more impression4 ,she must of course defend her positions1 and then she perils the sanctity of truth4 ,besides1 few things narrow the intellect more than dwelling on the peculiarities1 natural or incidental1 of that small coterie of persons who constitute our world4 ,it is1 in general1 a wise rule1 and one which will tend much to insure your comfort through life1 to avoid disclosures to others of family affairs4 ,i do not mean to recommend reserve1 or art2 to friends and relations1 too great frankness can hardly be practised2 but1 with acquaintance1 the less our own circumstances are discussed1 the happier1 and the more dignified will our commerce with them continue4 ,on the same principle1 let the concerns of others be touched upon with delicacy1 or1 if possible1 passed over in silence2 more especially those details which relate to strictly personal or family affairs4 ,public deeds are1 of course1 public property4 ,but personal affairs are private2 and there is a want of true good breeding1 a want of consideration and deference1 in speaking freely of them1 even if your friend is unconscious of the liberty taken4 ,it seems paradoxical to observe that the art of listening well forms a part of the duty of conversation4 ,to give up the whole of your attention to the person who addresses himself to you1 is sometimes a heavy tax1 but it is one which we must pay for the privileges of social life1 and an early practice will render it an almost involuntary act of good breeding2 whilst consideration for others will give this little sacrifice a merit and a charm4 ,to listen well is to make an unconscious advance in the power of conversing4 ,in listening we perceive in what the interest1 in what the failure of others consists2 we become1 too1 aware of our own deficiencies1 without having them taught through the medium of humiliation4 ,we find ourselves often more ignorant than we could have supposed possible4 ,we learn1 by a very moderate attention to the sort of topics which please1 to form a style of our own4 ,the art of conversation is an unpleasant phrase4 ,the power of conversing well is least agreeable when it assumes the character of an art4 ,in listening1 a well-bred lady will gently sympathize with the speaker2 or1 if needs must be1 differ1 as gently4 ,much character is shown in the act of listening4 ,some people appear to be in a violent hurry whilst another speaks2 they hasten on the person who addresses them1 as one would urge on a horse--with incessant ,yes1 yes1 very good--indeed-- proceed6 ,others sit1 on the full stare1 eyes fixed as those of an owl1 upon the speaker4 ,others will receive every observation with a little hysterical giggle4 ,but all these vices of manner may be avoided by a gentle attention and a certain calm dignity of manner1 based upon a reflective1 cultivated mind4 ,observation1 reading1 and study1 will form the groundwork for good powers of conversation1 and the more you read1 study1 and see1 the more varied and interesting will be your topics4 ,a young lady should consider music as one branch of her education1 inferior1 in importance1 to most of those studies which are pointed out to her1 but attainable in a sufficient degree by the aid of time1 perseverance1 and a moderate degree of instruction4 ,begun early1 and pursued steadily1 there is ample leisure in youth for the attainment of a science1 which confers more cheerfulness1 and brings more pleasure than can readily be conceived4 ,a young lady should be able to play with taste1 correctness1 and readiness1 upon the general principle that a well educated woman should do all things well4 ,this1 ,i should suppose1 is in the power of most persons2 and it may be attained without loss of health1 of time1 or any sacrifice of an important nature4 ,she should consider it as an advantage1 a power to be employed for the gratification of others1 and to be indulged with moderation and good sense for her own resource1 as a change of occupation4 ,consider in this light1 music is what ,providence intended it to be--a social blessing4 ,the whole creation is replete with music1--a benignant ,power has made the language of the feathered tribe harmony2 let us not suppose that ,he condemns his other creatures to silence in the song4 ,music has an influence peculiar to itself4 ,it can allay the irritation of the mind2 it cements families1 and makes a home1 which might sometimes be monotonous1 a scene of pleasant excitement4 ,pursued as a recreation1 it is gentle1 rational1 lady-like4 ,followed as a sole object1 it loses its charm1 because we perceive it is then over-rated4 ,the young lady who comes modestly forward1 when called upon as a performer1 would cease to please1 were she1 for an instant1 to assume the air and confidence of a professional musician4 ,there is a certain style and manner--confined now to second-rate performers1 for the highest and most esteemed dispense with it--there is an effort and a dash1 which disgust in the lady who has bad taste enough to assume them4 ,and1 whilst ,i am on this topic1 let me remark that there is a great deal in the choice of music1 in the selection of its character1 its suitability to your feelings1 style1 and taste1 and this especially with respect to vocal music4 ,there is no doubt that a good ,italian style is the best for instruction1 and that it produces the most careful and accomplished singers4 ,suppose a case4 ,your parents1 most fair reader1 have paid a high price to some excellent professor1 to instruct you--and1 with a fair ear1 and a sufficient voice1 you have been taught some of those elaborate songs which are most popular at the opera4 ,a party is assembled--music is one of the diversions4 ,forth you step1 and1 with a just apprehension of the difficulties of your task1 select one of those immortal compositions which the most eminent have made their study2 you execute it wonderfully1 only just falling a little short of all the song should be2 only just provoking a comparison1 in every mind1 with a high standard1 present in the memory of every cultivated musician near you4 ,a cold approval1 or a good-natured bravo6 with1 believe me1 though you do not hear it1 a thorough1 and1 often1 expressed conviction that you had better have left the thing alone1 follows the effort which has merely proclaimed the fact that1 spite of time and money spent upon the cultivation of your voice1 you are but a second-rate singer4 ,but1 choose a wiser1 a less pretending1 a less conspicuous path4 ,throw your knowledge into compositions of a less startling1 less aspiring character4 ,try only what you can compass4 ,be wise enough not to proclaim your deficiencies1 and the critics will go away disarmed1 even if they are not charmed4 ,but if there be any voice1 any feeling1 any science1 the touching melody1 made vocal by youth and taste1 will obtain even a far higher degree of encomium than1 perhaps1 it actually merits4 ,you will please--you will be asked to renew your efforts4 ,people will not be afraid of cadenzas five minutes long1 or of bravuras1 every note of which makes one hope it may be the last4 ,it is true that1 to a person who loves music1 the performance of one of the incomparable songs of ,bellini1 ,rosini1 ,flotow1 or ,mozart1 is an actual delight--but2 when attempted by a young amateur1 it should be1 like many other delights1 confined to the private circle1 and not visited upon society in general4 ,do not suppose that ,i mean to recommend poor music1 or feeble1 ephemeral compositions4 ,what is good need not1 of necessity1 be always difficult4 ,ballad music is rich in songs adapted for the private performer--and there are many1 in ,italian1 of great beauty1 which1 though they would not be selected for a concert-room1 or for brilliant display1 are adapted for ladies4 ,music is the greatest1 best substitute for conversation4 ,it has many merits1 in this light4 ,it can never provoke angry retort2 it can never make enemies2 it can injure no one's character by slander2 and in playing and singing one can commit no indiscretion4 ,music is a most excellent amusement1 and1 in society1 an indispensable one4 ,it aids conversation by occasionally interrupting it for a short period1 to be renewed with a new impetus4 ,it makes the most delightful recreation for the home circle1 varying the toil and trouble of the father's or husband's working day1 by the pleasures of the evening made by music's power to glide smoothly and swiftly4 ,there are but few persons who are entirely without a love for music1 even if they do not understand it4 ,they will be borne along upon the waves of a sweet melody to high1 pure thoughts1 often to delicious memories4 ,the piano is1 at the present day1 the most popular instrument in society4 ,the harp has ceased to be fashionable1 though it is sometimes heard4 ,the latter is a most beautiful accompaniment for the voice1 but requires a large room1 as1 in a small one1 it will sound stringy and harsh4 ,the guitar1 while it makes a very pleasant accompaniment for the voice1 has also the advantage of being easily carried from place to place4 ,it requires as much judgment to select proper instrumental pieces for a parlor performance1 as you would display in a choice of songs4 ,page after page of black1 closely printed notes1 will drive those who see them from the piano4 ,they may be executed in the most finished style1 but they are not suited to general society4 ,in their place1 for practice1 or for a musical soiree1 where every one puts forth her best musical powers1 they are appropriate1 and will give pleasure1 but they are not suited for a mixed party4 ,when asked to play1 choose1 if you will1 a brilliant1 showy piece1 but let it be short4 ,it is better still to make no attempt at display1 but simply try to please1 selecting the music your own judgment tells you is best suited to your audience4 ,avoid the loud1 thumping style1 and also the over-solemn style4 ,be sure1 before you accept any invitation to play1 that you know perfectly the piece you undertake4 ,it is better to play the simplest airs in a finished1 faultless manner1 than to play imperfectly the most brilliant variations4 ,avoid movement at the piano4 ,swinging the body to and fro1 moving the head1 rolling the eyes1 raising the hands too much1 are all bad tricks1 and should be carefully abstained from4 ,with respect to drawing1 modeling1 or any pursuits of the same nature1 so much depends on taste and opportunity1 and they are so little the accomplishments of society that they require but few of those restrictions which music1 in its use and abuse1 demands4 ,drawing1 like music1 should be cultivated early4 ,its advantages are the habits of perseverance and occupation1 which it induces2 and the additional delight which it gives to the works1 both of nature and of art4 ,like music1 it gives independence--independence of society4 ,the true lover of the arts has a superiority over the indifferent1 and1 if she be not better prepared for society1 is much better fitted for retirement than those who are not so happily endowed with tastes1 when in moderation1 so innocent and beneficial4 ,there is no accomplishment more graceful1 pleasing1 healthy1 and lady-like1 than that of riding well4 ,avoiding1 at the same time1 timidity and the fast style1 keeping within the bounds of elegant propriety1 gracefully yielding to the guidance of your escort1 and keeping your seat easily1 yet steadily1 are all points to be acquired4 ,to ride well is undoubtedly an admirable qualification for a lady1 as she may be as feminine in the saddle as in the ball room or home circle4 ,it is a mistaken idea to suppose that to become an accomplished horse-woman a lady must unsex herself4 ,but she must have a reserve in her manner1 that will prevent contamination from the intercourse which too much riding may lead to4 ,to hunt1 or follow the field sports1 in a pursuit which is the track of blood1 disgusts the true admirer of gentle breeding4 ,and such diversions will certainly result in a coarseness of manner and expression1 growing upon the fair equestrian slowly but surely4 ,a harsh voice1 loud tone1 expressions suited only to manly lips1 but unconsciously copied1 will follow her devotion to the unfeminine pursuit4 ,nothing is more revolting than a woman who catches the tone and expressions of men4 ,to hear the slang of jockeyism from female lips1 is very offensive1 yet ladies who mix in field sports are liable1 nay1 almost certain1 to fall into a style of conversation which is ten times worse than the coarsest terms from the lips of a man4 ,instances there are1 of the fairest of our sex1 from a fondness for such diversions1 and a habitual participation in such society1 becoming hard1 bold1 and disgusting1 even whilst retaining all their female loveliness of person4 ,a lady1 unless she lives in the most retired parts of the country1 should never ride alone1 and even then she will be awkwardly placed1 in case of accident1 without an escort4 ,in the cities1 not only is it unfeminine1 but positively dangerous1 for a lady to ride unaccompanied by a gentleman1 or a man servant4 ,although it is impossible1 within the limits of this little volume1 to give many hints upon riding1 a few may not be amiss4 ,like many other accomplishments1 a teacher is necessary1 if you wish to attain perfection1 and no written directions can make you a finished horse-woman1 unless you have had tuition and practice4 #a4 ,in mounting you are desired1 gentle ,amazon1 to spring gracefully into your saddle1 with the slight assistance of a hand placed beneath the sole of the shoe1 instead of scrambling uncouthly to your wandering throne1 as ,miss ,fanshawe wittily calls it1 from a high chair1 as is frequently done by those who have not been properly instructed4 ,to mount in the orthodox manner1 you should stand nearly close to the horse1 level with the front of the saddle1 and taking the reins slackly in your right hand1 you should place that hand on the nearest pommel1 to secure your balance in rising1 and with your left hand gather up the front of the habit1 so as to leave the feet clear4 ,the gentleman should place himself firmly1 near1 but not so near to you as to impede your rising1 and with the same view must hold his head well back1 as should he lose his hat from a whisk of your habit the effect produced is not good4 ,you should then present your left foot1 and the gentleman placing one hand beneath its sole1 and the other above1 so as to possess a safe hold1 should1 with nice judgment1 give just such assistance as will enable you easily1 with a spring1 to vault gracefully into the saddle4 ,you will then arrange your right leg comfortably over the pommel1 your cavalier will then place your left foot in the stirrup and arrange the flow of the habit-skirt1 and all is complete4 ,all this1 though so seemingly simple and easy1 requires some little practice to effect neatly and gracefully4 #b4 ,secondly1 when riding with a gentleman1 remember that you are best placed on the left side2 because in that position the graceful flow of your habit is seen to the greatest advantage1 while it does not inconvenience the gentleman by getting entangled with his stirrup1 nor does it receive the splashes of his horse4 #c4 ,but when you have a double attendance of cavaliers1 if you be at all a timid rider1 it may become discreet to pack you 7forgive the homely phrase7 between the two1 since1 in this position1 you are the most thoroughly protected from your own horse's shying1 or from other horses or vehicles approaching you too closely1 being thus forced to take that part of the road to which the better judgment of your companions inevitably guides you4 ,if you be an accomplished equestrian1 you will prefer being outside1 and 7as has been said7 to the left4 ,sit erect in the middle of your saddle1 turning your face full towards the head of your horse4 ,cling as closely as possible to the saddle1 but avoid stooping forward1 or using your hands to keep you in your seat4 ,nervous motions on horseback are not only ungraceful1 but dangerous1 as your horse will not make any allowance for the delicacy of your nerves1 and may prove his objections to a jerking hand1 or a twitching rein1 in a most decided and disagreeable manner4 ,the riding-dress1 or habit1 is best made to fit the figure tightly1 with tight sleeves4 ,it may be open in the front1 over a neatly fitting chemisette1 or buttoned close to the throat1 with a neat linen collar and cuffs4 ,the loose sacque is ungraceful1 but a basque is most becoming on horseback4 ,gauntlet gloves1 of leather1 are the most suitable1 and must be loose enough to give your hand perfect freedom1 yet not so loose as to interfere with its motions4 ,do not wear the skirt too long2 it will be dangerous in case of accident1 and it may prove annoying to your horse4 ,your habit must be made of a material sufficiently heavy to hang gracefully1 and not move too much with the wind4 ,for a winter habit1 a warmly-lined basque1 trimmed at the throat and hands with fur1 is an elegant and appropriate dress1 and a round cap of the same cloth as the habit1 with a band1 and pieces to cover the ears1 of fur to match the dress trimmings1 makes a handsome and appropriate dress4 ,in summer1 your hat should be of fine straw1 and slouched to shade the face2 in winter1 of felt1 or1 if you prefer1 a close cap of cloth4 ,the hat may be trimmed with feathers or knots of ribbon1 and the shape should be one to protect the complexion1 at the same time graceful and becoming4 ,avoid any display in a riding dress4 ,choose a material of some dark or neutral tint1 and never use showy trimmings4 ,curls1 or any flowing loose style of wearing the hair1 will be found exceedingly troublesome on horseback4 ,arrange it neatly and compactly under your hat1 for if a stray curl or lock annoys you1 or is blown across your eyes by the wind1 your hands will be too fully occupied to remedy the difficulty4 ,your whip should be light and small1 tasteful if you will1 but not showy4 ,at the period for which these hints are intended1 the ,modern ,languages should form a portion of acquirement4 ,as in music1 an intelligent and assiduous girl may1 ,i believe1 acquire an adequate degree of proficiency in ,french1 ,german1 and ,italian1 without having been abroad1 though a foreign tour will be of the greatest use in the acquisition of the accent and niceties of each tongue4 ,with respect to ,french1 it is no doubt essential to comfort to understand it2 it is one of the attributes of a lady to speak it well2 still1 it is not indispensable to speak it so well that the ,american lady is mistaken for a ,parisian4 ,this1 which but seldom happens1 can only be acquired1 in most cases1 by a residence abroad4 ,but ,french is thoroughly and grammatically taught in ,america4 ,it is only the habit of speaking1 the idioms and niceties1 which cannot be acquired except by converse with a native4 ,there are hundreds of competent instructors in this country1 ,french ladies and gentlemen amongst the number1 who form classes for conversation and familiarizing their pupils with these very idioms4 ,after availing herself of such advantages1 a young lady will find that a very short residence abroad will improve and facilitate her ,french conversation4 ,much1 however1 will depend upon how you use the opportunities within your reach4 ,there are many opportunities of practice in large towns2 and foreigners give all facilities1 by their readiness to converse1 their good-nature in listening1 and in helping the beginner by kind hints4 ,if a young lady1 with simplicity1 good breeding1 and good taste1 endeavors to speak whenever she has an opportunity1 words will come as if by intuition4 ,do not think of by-standers and lookers-on2 think only of the individual to whom you are addressing yourself4 ,if possible1 be not abashed by one or two errors at the first plunge--swim on till you have confidence4 ,the effort1 ,i grant1 is great1 and it may be obviated by a foreign education2 but where this is impossible1 the freedom acquired will more than repay the exertion4 ,in foreign literature1 walk carefully1 and if you have an older1 wiser head than your own to point out the best paths1 improve the advantage4 ,one cannot help deeming it a great era in education that ,german is cultivated as well as ,italian and ,french1 and that stores of literature are opened1 to vary the delights of intellect1 and to give freshness and interest to the studies of youth4 ,the rapture with which the works of ,schiller are perused in the original1 seems to repay the hours devoted to ,german2 and ,i am sure the perusal of ,tasso1 or of the ,aristodemo of ,monti1 would reward the study of ,italian1 were not the acquisition of that exquisite language of itself a source of poetic pleasure4 ,the modern ,french writers have increased an everlasting responsibility in corrupting the sources of amusement1 open to the young readers1 and it is remarkable that most of the distinguished ,french authors seem to have felt that they had erred1 and to have retrieved in some of their works the tendencies of their other productions4 ,take for instance1 ,madame de ,stael2 her books cannot be judged altogether2 the effect of some of her eloquent and almost incomparable writings varies in an extraordinary degree4 ,whilst ,delphine is unfit for the perusal of a modest woman1 her ,l',allemagne is finely written throughout1 and her criticisms and analyses of ,german writers are full of instruction as well as interest4 ,still the works open to readers of ,french are numerous4 ,the tragedies of ,corneille and ,racine are forcible and finished1 and should be read because classical4 ,the ,alzire of ,voltaire and his ,zaire with the dramas of ,casimir de la ,vigne are also worthy of perusal4 ,it is not an inspiriting kind of reading1 but it is rich in sentiment1 and perfectly unexceptionable in moral tone4 ,although the scepticism of most ,german writers renders this literature dangerous to a young mind1 there are fields of pure1 noble writing open in that language4 ,the works of ,schiller1 for example4 ,his mind was originally noble1 his heart good1 his love to mankind1 and his enquiry after truth were sincere4 ,in early life1 he wavered2 and the besetting scepticism of the ,germans dimmed1 for a time1 his perceptions of all that is most sublime1 as well as true1 in our finite knowledge4 ,he was chastened--he suffered--he believed4 ,he died an early but a bright instance that great genius may exist with true and humble piety1 and that the mind is never so powerful as when illumined by divine light4 ,his works are a magnificent library in themselves--and ,i could almost say1 be contented to learn ,german and to read ,schiller4 ,some of his works are open to objection1 his ,bride of ,messina1 portions of ,the ,robbers1 are better omitted from your collection1 but ,wallenstein and ,maria ,stuart are noble and admirable productions4 ,on this subject1 and1 indeed1 on the whole of ,german literature1 ,madame de ,stael is an excellent guide in her ,l',allemagne1 to which ,i refer the young ,german student1 who is sincerely desirous of gleaning the good1 and avoiding the evil in ,german compositions4 ,italian literature furnishes a delightful theme for comment4 ,it is singular that an enslaved1 and1 during many ages1 a depraved and degraded people1 should have possessed the purest poetry1 the least exceptionable drama1 in ,europe4 ,there is little to exclude1 and much to recommend1 in this beautiful language4 ,the works of ,tasso abound with high sentiment2 the ,inferno of ,dante is a sublime picture of eternal retribution1 softened with most touching pictures of human woe4 ,happy are those who have leisure to pursue extensively the acquisition of ,italian literature1 they may read and commit to memory without fear of an insidious meaning beneath the polished verse1 or the prose which has all the charm of poetry4 ,spanish literature will require the same judicious pruning which is necessary in ,french and ,german1 but of all languages1 it is the most musical for speech1 and singing4 ,a lady in society must1 if she would not grow utterly weary in company1 know how to dance4 ,it has been the practice among many excellent people to represent the ball room as a pitfall covered with flowers2 a sheet of breaking ice2 above1 all gayety and motion2 below1 all darkness and danger4 ,it may be that to some minds the ball room may be replete with temptations2 but there are minds which find temptations everywhere4 ,the innocent may be innocent1 nay1 the pious may feel devout1 even in a ball room4 ,there is nothing immoral or wrong in dancing2 it is the tendency of youth to dance--it is the first effort of a child--the first natural recreation4 ,it seems so natural that ,i confess ,i am always doubtful of the sincerity of those young ladies who profess to dislike the ball room4 ,in the present day1 you must understand how to move gracefully through quadrilles1 to dance polka1 ,schottische1 ,varsovienne1 and waltz4 ,to these you may add great variety of dances1 each season1 probably1 bringing a new one4 ,dancing1 says ,mr4 ,sheldrake1 is one of the most healthy1 as well as one of the most pleasing amusements that can be practised by the young4 ,if it is learned from those who are well qualified to teach it1 and practised1 as it ought to be1 consistently with the instructions given1 it will contribute more to improve the health1 as well as the form of the human frame1 than any other exercise4 ,for the discovery and promulgation of the true and correct principles according to which dancing should be taught1 the world is indebted to ,france1 a country which has long taken the lead in the elegant arts4 ,in ,france1 dancing was first raised to the dignity of a science1 a royal academy being founded for the purpose of teaching and perfecting it1 in the reign of ,louis ,quatorze4 ,in this academy were trained many of the most distinguished dancers of both sexes4 ,one of the most celebrated1 ,madame ,simonet1 gave the following account to ,mr4 ,sheldrake of the mode of instruction pursued in the academy3--,all the pupils1 before they were permitted to attempt to dance1 were completely instructed in what were called the preparatory exercises2 that is1 a system of exercises1 which endued all their limbs with strength1 firmness1 elasticity1 and activity2 when they had acquired these properties1 they began to dance4 ,in these preparatory exercises1 the motions were of the most simple kind1 the object being to teach the pupil1 gradually and separately1 all those movements which1 when combined1 and rapidly executed1 constitute dancing4 ,madame ,simonet thus described those elementary instructions1 as gone through by herself3--,she successively learned to stand flat and firm upon both her feet1 with her limbs quite straight1 and the whole person perfectly upright1 but not stiff2 then to lift one foot from the ground1 and to keep it so for some time without moving any part of her body2 she then replaced that foot on the ground1 and raised the other in the same manner4 ,these simple actions were repeated till the pupils were quite familiar with them2 they were then directed to keep the body quite erect1 but not stiff1 and bearing firmly upon one leg1 to raise the other from the ground1 gradually and slowly1 by bending the upper joint of the limb1 at the same time making the knee straight1 and putting the toe to its proper extent1 but no more4 ,the foot1 after it had been kept in this state for some time1 was returned to the ground from whence it was taken1 and the other foot treated in the same manner2 when quite familiarized to these actions1 they were directed to walk 7march1 as some people will call it7 slowly1 performing the same motions with the feet alternately4 ,the exercises which followed these1 were upon the turning out of the feet1 the balancing of the body1 and other attitudes1 which need not be particularized4 ,mr4 ,sheldrake gives several examples of persons trained upon these initiatory principles to the profession of dancing1 who have lived in health to a great age4 ,this1 says he1 is not the chance lot of a few2 for ,i have1 through life1 been accustomed to see many persons of the same profession2 ,i have communicated my own observations to many others1 and all have agreed in remarking1 that those who follow this profession have1 very generally1 excellent health1 which very many of them carry into extreme old age4 ,this indisputable fact can only be accounted for by supposing that the preparatory exercises which these persons go through1 are a modification of what ,i have called regulated muscular tension1 or action1 and the early and constant practice of which lays a firm foundation for that high health which accompanies them through life4 ,it is upon the same principle that a soldier is never seen with spinal curvature1 or other personal deformity1 or a stage dancer of either sex with a deformed person2 it is1 perhaps1 impossible that such things should exist1 for the plain reason1 that the exercises which they begin to practice early in life1 and continue regularly through its whole course1 render it impossible for them to become so4 ,the inference to be drawn from these incontrovertible facts is1 that if we1 in very early life1 teach young children to practice similar exercises1 and follow them steadily afterwards1 we shall confirm them in excellent health1 and prevent the accession of those evils which so often cause deformity to the figure1 and destruction to the constitution1 at later periods of life4 ,i do not propose to make every boy a soldier1 or every girl a dancer upon the stage1 but to adopt the principles1 by the application of which those persons are trained to the successful practices of their several occupations1 and so to modify them1 that they may qualify other classes of society to follow their different pursuits with equal success2 and ,i am not without hopes that this undertaking will contribute something towards producing this desirable effect4 ,dancing is an exercise which has been practiced by mankind from the most remote ages4 ,with the ,egyptians1 ,assyrians1 and ,persians1 the founders of the three great empires of the ancient world1 dancing was the favorite exercise or accomplishment1 and the practice was not less prevalent among their successors in power and importance1 the ,greeks and ,romans4 ,the ,jews1 also1 we learn from ,scripture1 were strongly attached to the exercise at all periods of their history4 ,at the present day1 almost every people that exist1 whether barbarous or civilized1 has its own form of dancing4 ,it is this universality of the exercise that makes dancing a subject of importance4 ,being so extensively practiced1 it must be the instrument either of good or evil to the human race4 ,it is one of the most healthful and elegant amusements1 and cannot be too highly recommended4 ,among a rude and dissolute people it may degenerate into something worthy of condemnation2 but all the blessings we have are similarly liable to abuse1 and it would be most unjust to condemn a cheerful domestic amusement1 merely because it has1 at times1 been degraded by people of low1 vulgar1 immoral tastes4 ,by all physicians1 dancing1 when pursued in moderation1 is recommended as highly conducive to bodily health2 and it may be truly said1 that1 allied with music1 nothing is more conducive to mental health1 more calculated to drive away melancholy1 and put the whole temper into good humor4 ,dancing is the poetry of motion4 ,it must be performed with ease and grace1 and always with a perfect regard for propriety of movement4 ,as an art it is taught by professed masters2 and one of the leading rules given to the learner is to raise and lower herself gracefully on the elastic part of her feet1 and to keep perfect time to the music4 ,dancing is really a simple and elegant gliding on the toes1 which bend more or less to accommodate the steps1 and prevent harsh1 ungraceful motion4 ,the most popular dances of the present day1 are1 first1 the quadrille4 ,these are of ,french origin1 comparatively tranquil in their character1 and generally danced once or more in every party4 ,they are danced by four couples1 one standing on each side of a square4 ,there are many sets of quadrilles1 the figures in each varying from the others4 ,but there are five figures in each set4 ,the plain1 fancy1 ,lancers1 ,polka1 ,mazourka1 and ,german1 are among the most popular4 ,in plain quadrilles1 a lady takes no steps1 merely walking gracefully through the figures1 but her feet must keep perfect time to the music1 and she must know the changes of position perfectly4 ,a quadrille may be very properly described as a conversation dance1 as there are long pauses between the figures1 when the dancers must have a fund of small talk ready for their partners4 ,when moving in the figures1 hold out your skirt a little with the right hand1 merely to clear the ground1 and prevent the possibility of treading upon it4 ,next come the round dances1 the ,valse1 ,polka1 ,schottische1 ,varsovienne1 and ,redowa4 ,the ,waltz is danced both a troistemps and deuxtemps4 ,in the waltz1 the position is a most important point4 ,you may so lean upon your partner's arm1 and so carry your figure1 that the prudish can find but little fault1 but you can also make the dance a most immodest one4 ,i cannot1 within the limits of my book1 go into a long argument as to the propriety of these round dances4 ,opinions differ1 and ,i am not writing a sermon1 but giving1 as far as is in my power1 hints to ladies in society4 ,it is1 therefore1 enough for me to know that these dances are tolerated1 and that1 even were ,i so inclined1 ,i could not exclude them4 ,to return to the position4 ,stand a little to the right of your partner1 that1 in clasping your waist1 he may draw you upon his arm to his shoulder1 not his breast2 the last position is awkward4 ,by observing the first1 you have your head free2 turn it a little towards the left shoulder2 need ,i say1 never lay it upon your partner's shoulder8 ,throw the head and shoulders a little back1 not too much to be consistent with easy grace1 place one hand upon your partner's shoulder1 and the other in his disengaged hand4 ,so1 you are ready to start4 ,the waltz may be danced to very fast time1 or to slow music4 ,the last is the most graceful1 and there is not so much danger of giddiness4 ,grace can only be gained by a perfect timing of the steps to the music1 and also evenness of step4 ,it is1 when properly timed with perfect step1 and easy1 gliding motion1 the most graceful of dances4 ,the ,germans1 who dance for the sake of dancing1 will only allow a certain number of waltzers on the floor at one time1 and these waltz in streams1 all going down one side of the room and up the other1 thus rendering collisions impossible4 ,an ,english writer1 in a recent work published on etiquette1 speaks of waltzing thus3-- ,it is perhaps useless to recommend flat-foot waltzing in this country1 where ladies allow themselves to be almost hugged by their partners1 and where men think it necessary to lift a lady almost off the ground1 but ,i am persuaded that if it were introduced1 the outcry against the impropriety of waltzing would soon cease4 ,nothing can be more delicate than the way in which a ,german holds his partner4 ,it is impossible to dance on the flat foot unless the lady and gentleman are quite free of one another4 ,his hand1 therefore1 goes no further round her waist than to the hooks and eyes of her dress1 hers1 no higher than to his elbow4 ,thus danced1 the waltz is smooth1 graceful1 and delicate1 and we could never in ,germany complain of our daughter's languishing on a young man's shoulder4 ,on the other hand1 nothing is more graceless and absurd1 than to see a man waltzing on the tips of his toes1 lifting his partner off the ground1 or twirling round and round with her like the figures on a street organ4 ,the test of waltzing in time1 is to be able to stamp the time with the left foot4 ,the waltz is of ,german origin1 but where it is still danced in ,germany in the original manner1 7as1 for instance1 among the peasants of the ,tyrol17 it is a very different dance4 ,it is there very slow and graceful2 the feet are thrown out in a single long step1 which ,turveydrop1 ,i presume1 would call a jete4 ,after a few turns1 the partners waltz alone in the same step1 the man keeping the time by striking together his iron-shod heels1 until with a shout and clapping of hands he again clasps his partner and continues in the same slow measure with her4 ,the position for the polka1 redowa1 and other round dances1 should be the same as that for the waltz1 and for the steps1 they can only be acquired from a dancing teacher1 and are impossible to describe properly4 ,one of the most delightful accomplishments which a lady can possess1 and one which is unfortunately but little cultivated1 is the art of reading aloud well2 reading with expression1 taste1 animation1 and correctness2 and this art once acquired1 let her also be able to recite well4 ,long lectures may be given upon elocution1 but the advice can be condensed into two directions4 ,first1 be sure you pronounce1 accent1 and enunciate every word correctly2 then1 throw your whole soul into the words4 ,study your author carefully1 that you may know precisely what he means by each expression1 and then try to bury your personal identity1 to become1 for the time1 the character you represent4 ,one of the most delightful ways to spend a social evening1 is to devote it to dramatic literature4 ,invite only guests who read well1 or who are really interested listeners1 and select a play1 or scenes from several plays1 and cast the parts among your guests4 ,all jealousy must be put aside1 and to-night's ,hamlet must condescend to direct ,richard to ,stand by1 my lord1 and let the coffin pass1 to-morrow4 ,after a few meetings1 the peculiar talent of each reader will be recognized1 and you can select your tragedy hero1 comedy hero1 queen1 chambermaid1 and other members of the force1 with a view to the display of each one's best powers4 ,vary the entertainment by reciting monologues and dialogues4 ,a whole play will often be found tiresome2 it is best to select several scenes1 keeping up the thread of the plot1 and introducing the best characters1 and leave out what is mere interlude1 and dispense with some of the subordinate characters4 ,leave one end of the room entirely vacant for the readers4 ,you will find it more interesting to have the readers stand1 and use some little motion2 the words will flow more easily1 the expressions come more forcibly if the appropriate gesture is made4 ,love scenes will1 of course1 require delicate handling1 and embracing can be easily omitted2 neither would ,i recommend the action of a dueling scene1 or a murder1 but merely to add gesture enough to give interest to both readers and audience4 ,you will find some little difficulty from bashfulness1 and the don't like to people at first1 but soon you will discover with delight how many of your friends possess the talent for reading well1 and never knew it themselves4 ,you will do well to take a few lessons in elocution1 but you need not fear to read if you have never made the accomplishment a study4 ,with a correct knowledge of your own language1 and a love for fine writing1 you will soon read well4 ,give to every part you undertake1 the full effect intended by the writer4 ,do not throw all your energy1 your whole soul1 into a leading part at one time1 and slight a subordinate character at another4 ,if you have but five words to read1 read them as they would be spoken were you the character you represent for the time4 ,to hear a splendidly written1 tragic burst of passion read in a weak1 whining voice1 is no worse than to have a few simple words from a servant's lips delivered with the gesture and emphasis suited to a ,medea or ,lady ,macbeth4 ,i shall be condemned by many serious and well-judging persons1 if ,i say one word in favor of private theatricals2 yet1 as it appears to me1 there are in these diversions some advantages which are not to be found to excuse the waltz1 or the polka1 or the ballet1 or the hunting field4 ,in private theatricals there is the possibility of some benefit4 ,the study of the finest dramatists1 especially of ,shakespeare1 is not likely to demoralize the mind1 or to cool the enthusiasm for what is good4 ,we can scarcely know too well those works which have tended more to form character than any collection of any kind whatsoever4 ,shakespeare1 ,sheridan1 ,bulwer1--but ,i cannot go through the list of fine dramatic writers whose works elevate the mind and taste4 ,the plays of ,sheridan1 ,knowles1 and ,bulwer1 are1 in most instances1 well adapted for private representations--the most exquisite delineations of female character may be found in the dramatic library1 and high1 pure1 manly thoughts1 may be traced1 line after line1 to the same source4 ,private theatricals should1 however1 be regulated with much judgment4 ,i see no reason to restrict too severely talent of this kind where it exists1 any more than to crush a dawning taste for the other fine arts4 ,what we have to do is to raise and direct it2 never to let it occupy too much time1 nor to become the business of life2 never to let it infringe upon duties2 never to allow it to lead us into an unreasonable1 and1 therefore1 criminal expense4 ,our ancestors were content to strew their stage at the end of their halls with rushes1 and to hang up the name of the scene1 instead of a scene1 before each act4 ,the best preparations1 which generally render private theatricals both laborious and expensive1 add but little to the pleasure of the beholders1 whose attention is fixed upon the actors1 and who can always see far finer scenes at a minor theatre than at any private theatricals4 ,were we content with greater simplicity in our amusements1 how much vain ostentation1 heart-sickening expense1 self-recrimination1 and trouble1 might be avoided6 ,as a valid objection to private theatricals1 it has been urged that they are apt to encourage a taste for the green-room of the public theatre in young men and boys2 in women the risk is less1 for few women are ever known to go on the stage except from necessity4 ,i own this objection to theatricals is the greatest that can be urged4 ,it can only be answered in mitigation that1 where there exists a taste of the kind1 it is better that it should be indulged at home1 instead of at the theatre1 with the modest inmates of a well-governed house1 instead of with professional actors4 ,like all other amusements1 the abuse is probable1 but the power of restraint rests within ourselves4 ,under the same head as private theatricals may come dramatized charades and proverbs1 so much in fashion at the present time4 ,these last have some great advantages over the standard plays2 they are better suited to a parlor2 they do not provoke comparison between the young actors1 and the favorite public idols2 they require but little scenery and arrangement2 they are short2 and they do not require so many subordinate characters4 ,impromptu charades and proverbs are delightful1 and are the occasion for much merriment2 the mistakes1 the absurd contrasts between character and costume1 the scenery--a deep1 hanging wood1 the court of ,louis ,quatorze or the deck of a man of war1 being improvised at a moment's notice1 only add to the merry enjoyment4 ,one rule you must observe if you join in these amusements3 never to carry your gayety into romping4 ,merry and laughing you may be1 yet never forget you are a lady4 ,you may personate a newly-caught ,irish chambermaid1 use the broadest brogue1 wear the commonest dress1 throw yourself heartily and thoroughly into the part1 losing your personal identity almost entirely1 and yet you may retain that nameless charm1 which will place you in the mind of each of the audience as a lady of refinement4 ,you must also be perfectly good-natured and self-sacrificing2 ready to play the smallest parts with the same interest you would throw into the principal ones4 ,try to throw out all the good points in the parts taken by the other members of the company4 ,if you play an insignificant part1 play it well1 with all the grace you can1 make the most of it1 but do not try to raise it to the first place4 ,yield gracefully the prominent position to those who claim it in the plot of the play1 and never try by conspicuous dress or by play1 to go beyond the position set down for you4 ,another delightful accomplishment1 and one which will aid you if you are studying drawing and painting1 is that of arranging tableaux vivants4 ,mrs4 ,severn gives the following hints upon this subject3 ,perhaps there is no intellectual amusement in fashionable life1 the nature of which is so little understood1 as the tableau vivant2 it being generally considered as only a vehicle for display1 whereas its real purpose is to arrange scientifically a combination of natural objects1 so as to make a good picture according to the rules of art4 ,a tableau vivant is literally what its name imports--a living picture composed of living persons2 and1 when skilfully arranged and seen at a proper distance1 it produces all the effect of a real picture4 ,it is said1 that the first living picture was contrived by a profligate young ,german nobleman1 who having1 during the absence of his father1 sold one of the celebrated pictures belonging to the old castle1 which was an heir-loom1 to conceal the deficiency1 placed some of his companions behind the frame1 so as to imitate the missing picture1 and to deceive his father1 who passed through the room without being conscious of his loss4 ,a tableau vivant may be formed in two ways3 it may consist of a group of persons1 who take some well-known subject in history or fiction to illustrate1 and who form a group to tell the story according to their own taste2 or1 it may be a copy1 as exact as circumstances will permit1 of some celebrated picture4 ,the first plan1 it may be easily imagined1 is very rarely effective2 since1 as we find that even the best masters are often months1 or even years1 before they can arrange a group satisfactorily on canvas1 it is not probable that persons who are not artists should succeed in making good impromptu pictures4 ,indeed1 it has been observed1 that artists themselves1 when they have to arrange a tableau vivant1 always prefer copying a picture to composing one4 ,copying a real picture1 by placing living persons in the positions of the figures indicated in the picture1 appears1 at first sight1 an easy task enough2 and the effect ought to be easily attained1 as there can be no bad drawing1 and no confused light and shade1 to destroy the effect of the grouping4 ,there are1 however1 many difficulties to conquer1 which it requires some knowledge of art to be aware of4 ,painting being on a flat surface1 every means are taken to give roundness and relief to the figures1 which qualities of course are found naturally in a tableau vivant4 ,in a picture the light is made effective by a dark shadow placed near it2 diminished lights or demi-tints are introduced to prevent the principal light appearing a spot2 and these are linked together by artful shades1 which show the outline in some places1 and hide it in others4 ,the colors must also be carefully arranged1 so as to blend or harmonize with each other4 ,a want of attention to these minute points will be sufficient to destroy the effect of the finest picture1 even to those who are so unacquainted with art as to be incapable of explaining why they are dissatisfied1 except by an involuntary liking or disliking of what they see4 ,the best place for putting up a tableau vivant is in a door-way1 with an equal space on each side2 or1 at least1 some space on both sides is necessary2 and if there is a room or a passage between the door selected for the picture and the room the company is to see it from1 so much the better1 as there should be a distance of at least four yards between the first row of the spectators and the picture4 ,it must be remembered that1 while the tableau is being shown1 nearly all the lights must be put out in the room where the company is assembled2 and1 perhaps1 only one single candle1 properly placed1 in the intervening space between the company and the tableau1 must be left slightly to illuminate the frame4 ,in the above-mentioned door-way a frame1 somewhat smaller than the original picture1 must be suspended1 three1 four1 or even five feet from the floor1 as may suit the height of the door2 or1 if the door is not very high1 the frame may be put one or two feet behind1 to gain space2 but care must be taken to fill up the opening that would1 in that case1 show between the door-way and the frame2 also a piece of dark cloth ought to be put from the bottom of the frame to the ground1 to give the appearance of the picture hanging on the wall4 ,the most important thing is1 that the chairs or tables ought to be placed behind the frame1 so that the persons who are to represent the tableau may sit or stand as nearly in the position1 with regard to the frame1 as the figures appear to do in the real picture they are trying to imitate1 and at about two feet from the frame1 so that the light which is attached to the back of the frame may fall properly on the figures4 ,in order to accomplish this1 great study and contrivance are required1 so that the shades may fall in precisely the same places as in the original picture2 and sometimes the light is put on one side1 sometimes on the other1 and often on the top2 and sometimes shades of tin or paper are put between the lights and the tableaux1 to assist in throwing a shadow over any particular part4 ,the background is one of the most important parts1 and should be made to resemble that of the picture as nearly as possible2 if it is dark1 coarse cloth absorbs the light best2 but whether it is to be black1 blue1 or brown1 must depend on the tint of the picture2 should the background be a light one1 colored calico1 turned on the wrong side1 is generally used4 ,if trees or flowers form the background1 of course real branches or plants must be introduced to imitate those in the picture4 ,even rocks have been imitated2 and spun glass has often successfully represented water4 ,a thin1 black gauze1 black muslin1 or tarlatan veil1 should be fastened to the top of the frame1 on the outside of it1 through which the tableau is to be seen4 ,care ought to be taken to conceal the peculiarities of the different materials used in the draperies1 and it is even sometimes necessary to cover the stuffs used for the purpose with a gauze of a different color1 so as to imitate the broken and transparent colors found in most good pictures4 ,this1 carefully attended to1 will give a quietness and simplicity to the whole1 which will greatly add to the illusion4 ,the next subject upon the list of accomplishments1 should be filled by some words upon fancy sewing4 ,under this head will come--,crochet1 ,knitting1 ,tapestry work1 ,embroidery1 ,chenille work1 ,netting1 ,canvas work1 ,berlin wool work1 ,frame work1 ,braiding1 ,bead work1 etc4 ,small social gatherings will be much more entertaining1 the time will pass much more quickly1 and the conversation flows more freely if the fingers are employed with some light work4 ,pretty presents--nay1 beautiful ones--may be made in this way1 when the fingers would otherwise be idle1 and these will have an additional value in being the work of your own hands4 ,from the most remote ages needlework has been1 not only a source of pecuniary advantage for poor women1 but also of pleasant pastime for the rich4 ,it is one of the most elegant of the imitative art1 and from time immemorial it has been an amusement for otherwise idle fingers1 from the cottage to the palace4 ,i have not space for a long disquisition upon the uses and pleasures of fancy work2 every woman has moments when such pretty playwork will be a valuable recreation4 ,the taste for fancy work increases daily1 and can be made not only ornamental1 but useful4 ,a ladies' wardrobe consists of so many1 and such varied objects1 that the evenings of an entire winter may be spent in making various useful garments1 which are1 at the same time1 suitable for company sewing4 ,opera hoods1 wool shawls1 sleeves1 ,sontags1 and other ladies' articles1 may be varied by embroidering smoking caps1 slippers1 or handkerchiefs for gentlemen4 ,embroidering on canvas1 or tapestry work1 opens a large field for taste and skill in execution4 ,beautiful articles for presents1 chair covers1 sofa cushions1 slippers1 may be worked in the otherwise idle moments spent in familiar society1 and the fingers will soon acquire skill and astonishing rapidity4 ,the ,german ladies have constantly on hand a piece of netting or other fancy work1 which they carry from place to place1 and take out when conversing2 and so far from entirely engrossing their thoughts1 they chat more readily and freely with their fingers thus employed4 ,american ladies will find the custom worth imitating4 ,many tedious hours will be smoothly1 pleasantly passed1 with the mind free1 but the fingers pleasantly occupied4 ,an evening passed in sewing or knitting1 with one good reader to entertain the industrious workers1 will be found very pleasant4 ,i have known a circle of young people meet every week to work in this way1 the reader being changed twice or three times in the course of the evening1 and these meetings have proved so pleasant1 that scarcely any member failed to plead prior engagement if invited out upon the evening appointed to read and sew4 ,it was formerly objected by the adversaries to mental cultivation in women1 that the acquirement of book learning would make them neglect needlework2 but so far from this being the case1 the present1 which is often called the age of learning1 is preeminently a working age4 ,never were fingers more actively engaged than those of the rising female generation2 braiding1 embroidery1 ,berlin work1 knitting1 netting1 and crochet1 are all in full play4 ,a long neglected work has been recently revived1 called by the ,french ,la ,frivolite4 ,it is very pretty evening work1 partly because it does not impede conversation1 for it may be carried on almost without looking at it1 and partly because no other work shows to so much advantage the grace and delicacy of the hands4 ,the most simple form of this work was anciently known under the name of ,tatting1 but that only consisted of a series of loops in a straight line1 which were used for trimming linen articles1 and which was not so pretty as ,la ,frivolite1 which has varieties which are a good imitation of point1 and may be used for collars and sleeves4 ,i give a few specimens of pretty work for evening sewing1 and refer the reader to ,the ,ladies' ,handbook of ,embroidery1 published by ,g4 ,g4 ,evans1 for a full1 complete description of every kind of fancy work1 with specimens1 patterns1 and clear1 plain directions4 ,,netted ,,cuffs--,these cuffs are very pretty1 and easy to make4 ,they are in plain netting1 and will require white1 and five shades of scarlet wool4 ,set on thirty-five stitches of the white wool4 ,net five rows1 then take a mesh a very little larger1 and widen by netting two stitches in every stitch4 ,then net with the smallest mesh the two lightest shades1 one row of each1 and two rows of the other three shades4 ,then graduate the shades back again to white1 narrowing the first row of white with the larger mesh4 ,net ten rows with the smaller mesh1 widen again1 repeat the shades of red1 narrow again1 and finish with the five rows of white4 ,,knitted ,,opera ,,cap4 ,,materials ,,required--,half an ounce of white and half an ounce of shaded ,berlin wool will be sufficient4 ,cast on a hundred stitches with white wool1 and knit and pearl alternately for four rows4 ,shaded wool--,knit one row plain2 next row bring forward1 and take two together to the end4 ,white wool--,knit and pearl alternately four rows4 ,shaded wool--,knit plain six rows4 ,white wool--,knit a row1 decreasing it by taking the first two stitches together1 and the last two4 ,pearl a row4 ,knit a row1 decreasing it as before4 ,pearl a row4 ,shaded wool--,knit a row1 decreasing at the beginning and end4 ,next row1 bring forward and take two together to the end4 ,white wool--,knit a row1 decreasing at both ends4 ,pearl a row4 ,knit a row1 decreasing as before4 ,pearl a row4 ,,for ,,the ,,pattern ,,in ,,the ,,centre ,,of ,,the ,,cap4 ,,shaded ,,wool--#ast row--,slip one4 ,knit two plain stitches 7a47 ,wool forward4 ,knit one4 ,wool forward4 ,knit two together4 ,knit one4 ,knit two together4 ,repeat from 7a47 #bnd row--,pearled4 #crd row--,slip one4 ,knit two plain stitches 7b47 ,wool forward4 ,knit three plain stitches4 ,wool forward4 ,slip one4 ,knit two together4 ,pass the slipped stitch over the knitted ones4 ,repeat from 7b47 #dth row--,pearled4 #eth row--,slip one4 ,knit two plain stitches1 7c47 ,wool forward4 ,knit two together4 ,knit one4 ,knit two together4 ,wool forward4 ,knit one4 ,repeat from 7c47 #fth row--,pearled4 #gth row--,slip one4 ,knit two plain stitches 7d47 ,wool forward4 ,slip one4 ,knit two together4 ,pass the slipped stitch over the knitted ones4 ,wool forward4 ,knit three plain stitches4 ,repeat from 7d47 #hth row--,pearled4 ,repeat the last eight rows4 ,white wool--,knit and pearl alternately for four rows2 decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain rows4 ,shaded wool--,knit one plain row2 decrease at the beginning and ending4 ,next row2 bring the wool forward1 knit two together to the end of the row4 ,white wool--,knit and pearl alternately for four rows2 decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain rows4 ,knit eighteen plain stitches1 run a piece of cotton through the remaining sixty-two stitches4 ,pearl and knit alternately1 decreasing at the beginning and ending of every plain row1 until you have four stitches remaining2 cast them off2 then take up eighteen stitches on the opposite sides1 and work a piece to correspond2 leaving forty-four centre stitches on the cotton4 ,take up the centre stitches on a needle pointed at both ends1 draw the cotton out2 then pick up fourteen stitches at each end of the needle4 ,shaded wool--,knit two plain rows4 ,white wool--,knit one plain row4 ,next row2 wool forward1 knit two together to the end of the row4 ,shaded wool--,knit two plain rows and cast off4 ,join the two points together at the back of the cap4 ,fold the front at the first pattern row1 and hem it to form the scallop at the edge4 ,pick up eighty stitches at the back of the cap4 ,,an ,,economical ,,point ,,collar4 ,it is well known that worked muslin collars1 particularly if the work is good1 very soon wear out2 as the work is too heavy for the muslin1 which1 when it has been washed two or three times1 becomes full of slits and holes1 though the work is still as good as ever4 ,when this is the case1 cut the muslin off the work with a pair of sharp scissors1 and lay the work on the pattern of a collar cut in paper1 so as to fill the whole of the pattern4 ,the work may be taken from two or three collars2 the arrangement of it must depend upon taste4 ,when the cut-out work is properly arranged1 it must be tacked or basted to the paper pattern2 and this is best done with colored thread1 that no mistake may arise when the basting threads are to be drawn out4 ,four or six threads are then drawn from one piece of work to another1 with a needle and cotton1 so as to attach them together1 and the loose threads are then overcast like button-holes1 so as to imitate the uniting threads of point lace4 ,when well done1 with a sufficient quantity of the uniting threads1 to make the work firm1 these collars are handsome1 and will wash and wear well4 ,,knitted ,,veils4 ,it is now customary to knit white veils of what is called ,lady ,betty's wool1 for babies to put over their faces when they are carried out in cold weather1 instead of pocket-handkerchiefs1 which were formerly used for the purpose1 though they were very unfit for it4 ,knitted veils in black silk or worsted are also worn by grown-up persons4 ,the veils for babies are very simple in their construction2 they consist of oblong pieces of knitting of any width and depth that may be required1 with knitted lace at the bottom and sides1 and a string case at the top4 ,the following pattern is the most common3 ,knit and pearl alternately four rows1 so that there may be two of each2 then bring forward and take two together an entire row4 ,this pattern is repeated through the entire veil2 and it must be observed1 that as many stitches must be cast on as will make it of the necessary width4 ,the needles should be of the smallest size1 of bone4 ,any lace will do2 but the following pattern1 though not new1 is both pretty and suitable2 and has1 besides1 the important recomendation of being very easy4 ,cast on eleven stitches and knit a row plain1 then begin the pattern4 #ast row--,knit three2 bring forward and take two together2 knit one1 take two together2 put the thread twice round the needle1 take two together1 and knit one4 #bnd row--,knit two1 pearl one1 knit one1 put the thread twice round the needle1 take two together1 bring forward1 and knit five4 #crd row--,knit three1 bring forward1 take two together1 knit one1 bring forward1 knit two1 pearl one1 bring forward1 take two together1 and knit two4 #dth row--,knit two1 bring forward1 knit five1 bring forward1 take two together1 knit five4 #eth row--,knit three1 bring forward1 and take two together1 knit the rest plain4 #fth row--,cast off four1 and knit the rest plain4 ,,hints ,,to ,,crochet-,,workers4 ,examine carefully the form of the needle1 and try the hook1 to ascertain that it is perfectly smooth4 ,some are so sharp and ill-made as to tear the cotton4 ,select those which are not of uniform thickness up to the hook2 the best are those which are thinner there than an inch farther up4 ,where the needle is not proportionally fine near the hook1 it is almost impossible to keep the work even4 ,chain stitch ought to be done rather loosely1 as working on it afterwards contracts it1 and is apt to give it a puckered appearance4 ,it is often advisable to use a needle one size larger for making the chain than for the rest of the work1 especially in edgings4 ,it will be found much easier to work the succeeding rows when this precaution is taken4 ,crochet needles should be kept in a housewife similar to those used for ordinary needles4 ,the slightest soil or rust should be effaced with fine sandpaper4 ,,ornamental ,,net ,,for ,,the ,,hair4 ,take two pieces of fine silk braid1 scarlet or royal blue1 and a ,no4 #c bone crochet hook4 ,make a chain of eight stitches1 unite the ends1 and then ,d4 ,c4 the first round1 putting two stitches into each loop2 there will now be sixteen stitches and in the next round one long must be worked into every stitch1 and two chain between each long2 the round will now consist of forty-eight stitches1 and we commence the pattern1 or diamonds4 #crd round--,three long1 two chain1 four long with two chain after each1 and these long put into every second loop2 repeat4 #dth round--,five long1 two chain1 five long with two chain after each1 and these long put into every second loop with the exception of the fifth or last of them1 which must skip two stitches instead of one2 repeat4 #eth round--,seven long1 two chain1 seven long with two chain after each1 and each of these long put into every second stitch2 repeat4 #fth round--,five long1 two chain1 five long with two chain after each1 and each of these long put into every other stitch1 three long1 two chain1 five long again with two chain after each1 and each put into every second stitch2 repeat from beginning4 #gth round--,three long1 two chain1 five long with two chain after each and worked in every third loop1 five long1 two chain1 five long again with two chain after each1 and these long worked as aforesaid in every third loop2 repeat from beginning4 #hth round--,one long1 two chain1 five long with two chain after each and these long put into every third stitch1 seven long1 two chain1 again five long1 c4 c42 repeat from beginning4 #ith round--,six long with two chain after each and work in every third stitch1 7five long1 twelve long with two chain after each1 these long put in every third stitch72 repeat the pattern in brackets4 #ajth round--,nine long with two chain after them1 these long being worked in every second loop1 7three long1 two chain1 nineteen long with two chain after them1 and the long worked in every second loop72 repeat the pattern in brackets4 #aath1 #abth1 and #acth rounds--,a long and two chain all round1 and the long being worked alternately in every second and third loop2 care being taken to bring one into the position to complete each diamond as it is come to4 ,a crochet edging1 begun with braid1 and the last two or three rows worked with gold twist as nearly the size of the braid as may be1 and a cord and tassels1 finish off this elegant head-dress4 ,the cord should be run in and out through the thirteenth round4 ,we1 however1 prefer a single-crochet band of some fifty stitches long and six or eight wide1 worked in the same material as the net1 to a cord1 and this band may be finished off with a piece of gold fringe instead of tassels at the ends1 or with a scallop of edging crocheted in gold twist4 ,,dress ,,glove ,,bands2 ,,full ,,or ,,frilled ,,shape4 ,take three pieces of fine embroidery chenille1 and a ,no4 #c bone crochet hook4 ,make a chain of about forty stitches1 or one long enough to go round the wrist2 ,dc one row4 #crd row--,two long1 one chain and miss a stitch--repeat this all along4 ,then one row ,dc4 #fth row--,long crochet worked very loosely1 so much so as to leave these stitches at least half an inch high2 two stitches to be put into every second or third loop and one in each of the others all the way along2 fasten off4 ,join the chenille now on to the first row1 and work a similar row or frill to the one just directed1 so that there be one on each side4 ,run a narrow velvet through the holes of the third row and affix wider velvet ends1 or chenille tassels to each extremity4 ,finish off with a button and loop1 and flute the frill on each side over the finger to make it set4 ,we need scarcely say that the chenille used should be selected to match or agree with the evening dress1 and that the velvet must match the chenille4 ,these bands may be made to look very handsome by working a row of ,dc loosely and evenly along the edge of each frill with gold or silver twist1 and running a band of gold or silver braid or trimming through the holes in the third row instead of velvet4 ,then small bullion tassels to match the twist will form a suitable and elegant finish4 ,these bands may be worked round and slid over the hand like muffatees1 or made open as we have directed and buttoned1 like the glove4 ,the buttons should be covered with crochet1 and the loops crocheted4 ,,knitted ,,under ,,habit ,,shirt4 ,three ounces of ,three thread ,white ,fleecy ,wool4 ,pair of ,no4 #aj ,bone ,knitting ,pins4 ,cast on forty-five stitches4 ,knit three rows4 #dth row--,knit ten2 ,x make two and knit two together2 knit one2 ,x knit the last six stitches4 #eth row--,knit1 dropping the second of each of the two made stitches all along4 ,knit eight rows4 #adth row--,knit ten2 ,x make one and knit two together ,x repeat until six remain2 knit three2 make one2 knit three4 #aeth row--,knit six2 ,x make one and knit two together ,x repeat until ten remain1 which knit4 ,repeat these two rows three times more each1 only not enlarging one 7as in the end of row fourteen71 every time1 but only once in four rows1 merely knitting the six in the intervening rows4 #bbnd row--,knit4 ,knit the next seven rows4 #cjth row--,same as #adth4 #cast row--,same as #aeth4 ,keep on alternately knitting eight open1 and then eight knitted rows1 and enlarging one stitch at the end in every fourth row until there are a hundred and twenty-four rows4 ,then decrease one stitch at the beginning or front in every other row for thirty-two rows1 still continuing the pattern as before1 and still enlarging one stitch in every fourth row1 at the end or back4 ,this shapes one side of the neck4 ,now knit forty-eight rows without increase or decrease at either end1 continuing the pattern or alternation of eight open and eight plain knitted rows4 ,this forms the back of the neck and the bottom of the back of the habit-shirt4 ,in the next thirty-two rows we diminish one in every fourth row1 by knitting two together at the back1 while at the same time in every fourth row1 at the back1 we knit two together1 and make one in order to form a series of holes1 or pattern parallel to that on the other side caused by enlarging in every fourth row4 ,we also cast on one1 at the opposite end1 in every other row1 to shape the second side of the neck4 ,we then knit one hundred and twelve rows1 having each ten knitted stitches in the front of the habit-shirt1 as on the opposite side1 and six at the back1 and decreasing one in every fourth row1 at the back1 and continuing the pattern1 and also the series of holes at the back4 ,knit eight rows4 ,knit ten stitches1 ,x make two and knit two together2 ,x knit six at end4 ,knit all1 dropping the second of each of the two made stitches4 ,knit two rows2 cast off4 ,now1 with same needles1 pick up the stitches all along the right front of the habit-shirt2 knit two rows and cast off4 ,do the same on the left front4 ,then pick up those of the neck1 and do the same1 shaping it1 if necessary1 by knitting two together occasionally4 ,these finishing-off rows look pretty done in pale pink or blue wool4 ,button-holes may be made thus3--in the front or where the ten stitches are1 and about once in thirty rows1 knit three2 cast off four2 knit three instead of knitting the ten as usual4 ,next row1 when we get back to the ten stitches1 knit three2 cast on four2 knit three4 ,,infant',s ,,knitted ,,socks4 ,half an ounce of ,white ,lamb's ,wool4 ,three ,no4 #ac ,knitting ,needles4 ,cast on ,thirty stitches4 #ast row--,knit4 #bnd row--,knit two2 make or enlarge one stitch by picking up one from the previous row and knitting it2 knit all the rest4 #crd row--,knit4 ,repeat second and third rows alternately four times more each of them4 #abth row--,knit two2 make a stitch according to directions above given2 knit rest until four remain2 knit two together2 knit two4 #acth row--,knit4 ,repeat these two rows alternately three times more each4 #bjth row--,knit two2 enlarge one as before directed2 knit rest until two remain2 enlarge one2 knit two4 #bast row--,knit4 ,repeat these two rows alternately three more times each4 #bhth row--,knit4 #bith row--,knit fourteen stitches1 and leave the other upon the needle4 ,take up the third needle and knit twenty rows more1 of fourteen stitches each4 #dith row--,knit two together2 knit twelve2 on same needle1 and with same wool1 cast on twenty-seven stitches4 #ejth row--,knit4 #east row--,knit two2 knit two together2 knit rest until four remain2 knit two together2 knit two4 #ebnd row--,knit4 ,repeat these two rows alternately twice more each4 #egth row--,knit two2 make one in manner directed2 knit rest until four remain2 knit two together2 knit two4 #ehth row--,knit4 ,repeat these two rows alternately three times more each4 #feth row--,knit all until four remain2 knit two together2 knit two4 #ffth row--,knit4 ,repeat these two rows alternately four more times each4 #geth row--,knit4 #gfth row--,cast off4 ,this completes the slipper portion of the sock4 ,we now begin the instep-piece4 ,take the wool and knit off ten stitches from the needle on which the twenty-seven stitches were left2 knit these ten from the toe-end1 or that where the twenty rows of fourteen stitches each has been made2 leave the remaining seventeen stitches still on the same needle4 ,knit twenty rows of ten stitches1 and in every other one pick up the edge-stitch of the toe-piece and knit it with the tenth stitch1 so as to unite these two portions1 viz3 the toe and the instep4 ,with each stitch of the twentieth row1 an edge-stitch of the side at the toe-end of the slipper must be picked up1 knitted and cast off1 and a neat and entire union of the toe of the slipper and the instep piece formed4 ,this instep piece is to be ribbed in rows of four1 viz3 four rows in which the plain side is uppermost1 and four rows in which the pearled side is uppermost4 ,we now commence the leg portion of the sock4 ,with the needle which has been left in the first side of the slipper carefully pick up the edge-stitches all along the instep-piece and side of the slipper2 when this is done1 there should be about fifty on the needle4 ,take the wool and knit all along1 including the picked up stitches1 and the seventeen originally on the needle4 ,knit two rows4 #dth row--,knit two2 ,x make two 7not by picking up1 but in the ordinary way1 by passing the wool twice over the needle71 and knit two together2 knit one2 ,x repeat4 #eth row--,knit all2 casting off one of each of the double made stitches4 ,now knit twenty rows ribbed like the instep-piece4 #bfth row--,x ,knit one2 make one and knit two together2 ,x repeat all round4 #bgth row--,knit4 #bhth row--,knit two2 ,x make one and knit two together2 knit one2 ,x repeat4 #bith1 #cjth1 and #cast rows--,knit4 #cbnd row--,cast off4 ,take a wool needle1 thread it with wool1 and sew up the sock neatly1 stitch for stitch1 from the top of the leg to the point of the sole2 then sew the toe2 turn it2 put on a little rosette of raveled wool2 run a ribbon in and out through the holes at rows #d and #e1 of the leg portion1 and it is completed4 ,as this is intended for an ,infant's ,sock1 we have ordered white wool1 that being most useful2 should it1 however1 be wished to knit socks for an older baby1 the slipper may be made of ,cerise1 ,scarlet1 ,pale ,blue1 ,green1 or ,straw-colored wool2 and the #bfth1 #bgth1 and #bhth rows1 of the leg portion1 and the casting-off done in the color of the slipper2 while the instep-piece and the rest of the sock are made in white wool4 ,the sock may also be enlarged by casting on extra stitches in the beginning1 and adding a couple of rows to each of the divisions of the slipper part1 and enough to the toe to preserve its form and symmetry4 ,almost any of the open anti-maccassar patterns may be used for knitting the sock and instep-piece1 if a light lace-like appearance is desired4 ,the well-known rose-leaf pattern looks particularly pretty4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,servants4 ,an ,english writer1 speaking of servants1 says3-- ,there is no question but that we should seek to perform all our duties without hope of recompense2 and yet1 as regards our treatment of servants1 we should be especially careful that1 in endeavoring to make their bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of consideration1 we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the hope of gratitude or affection from them in return4 ,many have done so1 and having1 with that view1 been tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook serious faults1 they have found that1 far from gaining the love of their servants1 they have incurred their contempt2 and when they have perceived that their favors1 unappreciated1 have led but to new encroachments1 they have hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite extreme4 ,then they have considered their servants as mere machines1 from which labor must be extorted by all available means4 ,a man servant is rarely grateful1 and seldom attached4 ,he is generally incapable of appreciating those advantages which1 with your cultivated judgment1 you know to be the most conducive to his welfare4 ,do you accord to him regular hours1 a stated allowance of work2 do you refrain from sending him out because it is wet and he is unwell2 do you serve yourself rather than ring for him at dinner time2 he will rarely have the grace to thank you in his heart for your constant consideration4 ,hear him6 ,he will thus describe a comfortable place3--',there were very few in the family2 when they went out of a night1 we made it up of a morning2 we had nice hot suppers1 and the cook made a good hash for breakfast1 and we always got luncheon between that and dinner2 and we were all very comfortable together1 and had a friend in when we liked4 ,master swore at us sometimes1 but often made us a present for it when he had been very violent2 a good-hearted man as ever lived1 and mistress was quite the lady1 and never meddled with servants4 ,it was a capital place6' ,servants' sympathies are with their equals4 ,they feel for a poor servant run off his legs1 and moped to death2 they have no feeling for a pains-taking mistress1 economical both from principle and scanty means2 they would 7most of them7 see her property wasted1 and her confidence abused without compunction4 ,it is the last effort of a virtue in a servant if1 without any private reason1 he should discharge his duty by informing you of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of his fellow servant4 ,it is an effort of virtue1 for it will bring down many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faithful head4 ',i never got a servant out of a place by telling tales on him1' will be said to him4 ,directly a servant departs1 we all know1 tongues1 tied before1 are loosed1 to gain our favor by apparent candor4 ,when it can avail us nothing1 we are told4 ,we all know this1 and have said1 ',be silent now1 you should have mentioned this at the time4' ,supposing1 then1 you have the rara avis1 the servant that 'speaks at the time1' be chary of him1 or let me say her1 7the best servants are women47 ,oh6 as you value her1 let her not suppose you cannot part with her4 ,treat her with confidence1 but with strict impartiality2 reprove when necessary1 mildly1 but decidedly2 lest she should presume 7power is so tempting71 and compel you1 if you would retain your freedom1 to let her go4 ,there is one thing a man servant values beyond all that your kindness and your consideration can do for him--his liberty2 liberty to eat1 drink1 and be merry1 with your things in the company of his own friends2 liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks1 and bring up his coals2 and the housemaid wishes for liberty to lie in bed in the morning1 because she was up so late talking to ,john in the pantry2 liberty to wear flounces and flowers4 ,the cook desires liberty too4 ,for this liberty1 if you grant it1 they will despise you2 if you deny it1 they will respect you4 ,aim at their esteem2 despair of their love or gratitude2 make your place what the best class of servants will value1 and1 though in their heart1 they may not thank you for it1 you will gain1 perhaps1 one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition and gross immorality at bay4 ,these remarks can never be intended to deny the warm attachment of female servants to the children of their employers4 ,deep love1 no doubt1 is lavished by many a woman on the babe she has nursed4 ,there is a great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which would require to be dealt with by itself4 ,much wisdom is required in the administration of a nursery1 to which few general rules would apply4 ,cruel is the tyranny the nurse frequently practises on the parent1 who often refrains from entering her nursery1 not from want of love to her children1 but positive dread of the sour looks which greet her4 ,let her be firm1 let no shrinking from grieving her darling1 who would 'break his heart if his ,nanna went1' deter her from discharging the encroaching servant4 ,i know a lady who was quietly informed by her nurse that she must have a 'specified hour' for visiting her children1 for that her entering without ceremony was most inconvenient4 ,the poor young lady1 who was fully persuaded her delicate infant would die1 if removed to a stranger's hands1 meekly obeyed1 and though tortured by the cries of the poor sickly baby1 never dared to intrude lest the nurse should abandon it4 ,this is a true history1 and the sequel may as well be given3 that the nurse remained seven years1 at the end of which time1 having become insupportable1 though really devoted to the children1 she gave warning1 and1 though it cost her mistress bitter tears and much resolution1 she was suffered to depart1 and then peace entered that house4 ,on the choice of servants much of the comfort of the young housekeeper depends4 ,it often happens that her choice has been determined by appearance rather than the value of character4 ,if such be the case1 she will have many difficulties to encounter4 ,it is1 in the present day1 hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single objection to character1 however it may be glossed over by the person referred to on this point2 for there is now an unhealthy disposition to pass over the failings of servants who have left their places1 and to make them perfect in the eyes of others4 ,in respect to sobriety1 many people will not acknowledge that a servant had had the vice of drinking1 but will cover the unpleasant truth in such gentle and plausible terms that it becomes difficult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded1 or not4 ,be assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this point1 or on that of honesty1 it is wiser not to engage a servant4 ,nor are you deviating from ,christian charity in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a sort4 ,the kindest plan to the vast community of domestic servants is to be rigid in all important points1 and having1 after a due experience1 a just confidence in them1 to be somewhat indulgent to errors of a more trivial nature4 ,if all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject of dress1 much misery to servants would be saved1 much temptation avoided1 and self-reproach prevented4 ,instead of this kind1 and wise1 and matronly particularity1 a type of the good1 old-fashioned common sense of our grandmothers1 ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in discontinuing caps1 or1 if they have caps1 in wearing flowers and lace1 flowered gowns1 and other items of little apparent moment in detail1 but of much importance to a community as serviceable to the public when well managed and respectable1 as they are odious and noxious when immoral or insolent4 ,after these cruel indulgences1 ladies marvel when they find servants rise above their station and that they will not bear even a mild reproof2 they wonder that a plain1 useful servant is nowhere to be met with4 ,there is now no medium between the fine lady with mittens and flowers who dresses your hair1 and the dirty sloven of a lodging-house4 ,all housemaids must now be upper housemaids2 cooks must be cooks and housekeepers4 ,the homely housemaid--that invaluable character in her way--is indeed difficult to be found2 and1 at a time when cleanliness is at its zenith1 the rarity is to discover any one who will clean4 ,all1 except the raw country girl1 expect to have deputies2 and1 if we go on to perfection in this unhealthy system1 we shall soon have no working servants above twenty years of age4 ,the consequence is1 that a greater number of servants are kept in every household than formerly in similar families2 many of these menials are corrupted by congregating together and by idleness4 ,the loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of this class are but too justly founded4 ,that they are more mercenary than ever1 is owing to the pernicious system which lifts them up above their condition1 but fails to elevate them in the moral standard4 ,in the scale of virtue they sink every day lower and lower2 in the outward attributes they are1 as they consider it1 raised in character and improved in appearance4 ,but is it so8 ,the beauty of every thing is fitness4 ,is the half-fine1 unlady-like1 yet lady-like creature1 who answers to your dressing-room bell1 half so respectable as the old-fashioned1 plainly dressed1 careful1 homely maiden of your young days8 ,is it not with a feeling of disgust that you turn from the attempted finery1 and sigh for plain collars1 and caps undecked by flowers1 again8 ,i think1 among the best-bred1 the most sensible1 and1 indeed1 the most highly born people of a superior stamp1 this disgust is so strong that1 in some families1 a grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female servants1 and the effect is satisfactory1 both on the appearance and on the mode of thinking of these persons4 ,but this wise1 and therefore kind plan1 is far from being general2 and ,i have heard that a lady's-maid complained to her mistress that she found herself the subject of ridicule1 owing to her not wearing silks1 and indeed satins1 as the other ladies'-maids did4 ,it becomes the duty of ladies of influence to rise above the silly vanity which1 ,i fear1 affects some of them1 of seeing their ladies'-maids as smart as ladies1 and to oppose innovations on the decencies of society1 so pernicious to the class upon whom much of our comfort depends4 ,in setting out in life1 a young married lady ought to be more than ordinarily strict in these matters1 for her inexperience will certainly be taken advantage of to some extent4 ,if she be rich enough to have a housekeeper1 let her endeavor to select one of strict religious faith1 plain in attire1 grave1 but kind1 and of good sense1 and even intelligence2 for cultivation of mind will never1 whatever may be stated1 detract from the utility of a servant4 ,it is absurd to attribute to the diffusion of knowledge the deterioration of servants2 it is rather owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them4 ,most superficial is the education about which so much is said and written2 were servants more thoroughly grounded in many branches of knowledge1 they would be wiser1 less rapacious1 more systematic1 and better contented than they are4 ,they are wretched reasoners1 generally losing sight of their own true interest1 and grasping at that which is unreal and visionary4 ,if they were better educated1 this would not be the case2 they would be less vain1 less credulous2 they would know what qualities to respect2 they would weigh better the advantage of their lot2 and they would work better as servants4 ,they would give mind1 where now they only give hands2 and their acquirements1 taken from school as they are in very early youth1 are not ever likely to be such as to make the routine of their work distasteful to them1 from over refinement or cultivation4 ,it is always desirable to have1 if possible1 servants of one faith4 ,but if it so happens that you have a ,roman ,catholic servant and a ,protestant in your service1 you are bound to allow each the free exercise of her religion1 and you ought not to respect them if1 out of interest1 they will conform to yours4 ,an exercise of authority on this point amounts1 in my opinion1 to an act of tyranny1 and it can only tend to promote insincerity1 and1 perhaps1 engender scepticism in its object4 ,nothing is1 indeed1 so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower classes1 who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly considering subjects of religious controversy4 ,while on the subject of servants1 ,i must deprecate the over-indulgence of the present system towards them4 ,formerly they were treated with real kindness1 but it was the kindness that exacted duty in return1 and took a real interest in the welfare of each servant4 ,the reciprocal tie in former times between servant and master was strong1 now it is wholly gone4 ,the easy rule of masters and mistresses proceeds far more from indifference than from kindness of heart2 for the real charity is to keep servants steadily to their duties4 ,they are a class of persons to whom much leisure is destruction2 the pursuits of their idle hours are seldom advantageous to them1 and theirs are not minds which can thrive in repose4 ,idleness1 to them1 is peculiarly the root of all evil1 for1 if their time is not spent in vicious amusements1 it is often passed in slander1 discontent1 or vanity4 ,in writing thus1 ,i do not recommend a hard or inconsiderate system to servants4 ,they require1 and in many instances they merit1 all that can be done to alleviate a situation of servitude4 ,they ought not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of temper4 ,their work should be measured out with a just hand2 but it should be regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in variable and erring human nature4 ,another point on which ,i would recommend firmness is that of early hours4 ,in this respect example is as important as precept2 but1 however uncertain you may be yourself1 ,i would not relax a rule of that kind4 ,for every comfort during the day depends upon the early rising of your servants4 ,without this1 all their several departments are hurried through or neglected in some important respect4 ,your mode of address to servants must be decisive1 yet mild4 ,the authoritative tone ,i do not recommend4 ,it is very unbecoming to any young person1 and it rarely attains the end desired2 but there is a quiet dignity of deportment which few servants ever can resist4 ,this should be tempered with kindness1 when circumstances call it forth1 but should never descend to familiarity4 ,for no caution is more truly kind than which confines servants strictly to their own sphere4 ,much evil results from the tendency1 more especially of very young1 or of very old mistresses of families1 to partiality4 ,commonly1 one servant becomes the almost avowed favorite2 and it is difficult to say whether that display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant who is the object of it1 or to the rankling and jealous minds of the rest of the household4 ,it is true that it is quite impossible to avoid entertaining a greater degree of confidence in some servants than in others2 but it should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all4 ,it is1 of course1 allowable towards those who take a decidedly responsible and confidential situation in a household4 ,still1 never let such persons assume the reins of government2 let them act the part of helmsman to the vessel1 but not aspire to the control of the captain4 ,it is generally wise and right1 after a due experience of the principles and intentions of servants1 to place confidence in their honesty1 and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do so4 ,at the same time1 never cease to exercise a system of supervision4 ,the great principle of housekeeping is regularity2 and without this 7one of the most difficult of the minor virtues to practice7 all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual4 ,i have seen energetic women1 clever and well-intentioned1 fail in attaining a good method1 owing to their being uncertain in hours1 governed by impulse1 and capricious4 ,i have seen women1 inferior in capacity1 slow1 and apathetic1 make excellent heads of families1 as far as their household was concerned1 from their steadiness and regularity4 ,their very power of enduring monotony has been favorable to their success in this way1 especially if they are not called upon to act in peculiar and difficult cases1 in which their actual inferiority is traceable4 ,but these are not the ordinary circumstances of life4 ,in closing these remarks on the management of servants1 let me exhort you never to forget that they are fellow-laborers1 in the life of probation1 with ourselves2 let us not embitter their lives by harshness1 or proffer to them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence4 ,since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in trust1 let us regard our servants as beings for whose conduct1 while under our control1 we are more or less responsible4 ,it is true that1 if they come to us with morals wholly depraved1 it is not likely that the most strenuous exertions can amend them2 but many waver between good and evil4 ,let us endeavor to excite in their minds a respect for virtue1 to give them motives for industry1 inducements to save their wages4 ,those who have large households should not deem the morals of the meanest of their servants beneath their investigation1 or too obscure for their influence to reach4 ,some attention is absolutely necessary1 in this country1 to the training of servants1 as they come here from the lowest ranks of ,english and ,irish peasantry1 with as much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated in the cabin of the latter4 ,opening the door seems a simple act1 yet few servants perform it in a proper1 respectful manner4 ,let your servant understand that the door must be opened immediately after the bell rings4 ,visitors1 from neglect of this rule1 will often ring several times1 and finally leave the door4 ,i have known an instance when in a case of severe illness the patient lost the visit of the doctor1 who1 after ringing some minutes1 was obliged to pay other visits1 and could not return to the sufferer's house until several hours later4 ,when opening the door some servants hold it ajar and hold a long parley with the person on the steps1 as if afraid they wished to enter for the purpose of murder or theft4 ,train them to answer the door promptly1 speak politely to any one who may be there1 excuse you1 if necessary1 to visitors in courteous terms1 or1 if you are in1 show the callers into the parlor1 take their card1 and come back quickly with your answer4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,on ,a ,,young ,,lady',s ,,conduct ,,when ,,contemplating ,,marriage4 ,the following chapter1 met with in a recent perusal of an ,english work for young ladies1 strikes me as so admirable1 and so appropriate in this place1 that ,i quote the chapter entire3 ,the difficulties and trials of life have only just begun when a young lady fancies herself to be of sufficient importance to become the theme of animadversion4 ,she knows little of the true importance of self-control1 until she experiences the first indications of preference shown her by the other sex4 ,such indications are often manifested1 whilst she to whom they are directed1 is wholly unprepared to analyze her own feelings1 before her opinions upon what she has seen are by any means developed2 before she has even considered adequately1 on what her happiness depends2 before she has discernment to reject what is frivolous1 or wisdom to prefer what is good4 ,this is more especially the case in the highest and lowest classes1 in which1 by a strange analogy1 they either rush into the marriage state whilst children1 or wait until the bloom and hopes of youth have forever passed away1 in order to form interested matches4 ,the matured period of five-and-twenty to thirty1 is passed by the lower classes in the single state in labor to gain subsistence2 after thirty1 or even forty1 we often find them marrying4 ,but the majority have sealed their own fate before the age of twenty4 ,in high life1 the same haste to dispose of daughters prevails as among the lowest classes4 ,at seventeen1 most of our belles of fashion expect to receive proposals4 ,if they do not marry within a few years after their introduction1 they have a mortified sense of having lost time--that the expectations of friends and of parents have not been fulfilled2 that others have 'gone off' before them4 ,the next ten years are often a period of subdued vexation1 and the sweetness and contentment of the original character is impaired4 ,about seven or eight and twenty1 the views of life are sobered--the expectations chastened--a renovation takes place--women again become agreeable2 their minds must in the lapse of time1 even with a miserable store of observation1 have improved4 ,they then often marry--and1 if the union be not a mere effort of despair1 if it be based on sound and holy principles1 and on good sense1 there is1 for both parties engaged1 a great likelihood of happiness4 ,but1 it may be naturally contended1 that there come not to all young ladies the opportunities of which ,i write2 that indications of preference arrive not to all4 ,i am inclined to believe that1 with good temper1 pleasing manners1 and respectable connections1 there exists1 in modern society1 very few young ladies who have not received under various circumstances1 some marks of preference1 more or less decided4 ,beauty and plainness are arbitrary1 not positive1 terms4 ,unless there be any actual deformity1 any great infirmity1 in which case ,i think it were cruel to pre-suppose the likelihood of such indications1 there is no one1 that ,i hardly ever met with1 who has not had1 on some grounds1 her partizans and admirers4 ,the plain are often particularized as elegant2 tastes vary3 even a sour look ,i have heard admired as sensible1 cold manners eulogized as correct4 ,opinion1 however it may generally verge to the correct1 springs from so many sources1 it is so governed by association of ideas1 such trifles may guide it1 that ,i am never surprised at the latitude given to personal encomium nor at the endless variety and incongruity of human judgment4 ,it is well that all have a chance of being approved1 admired1 beloved1 and it remains for them to avail themselves of those possibilities which contribute so much to happiness4 ,for we are sympathizing beings1 and a law of our nature makes us look for a return of sympathy4 ,we are sent here to form ties1 and to love1 and to be loved1 whether the term applies to parental1 or filial1 or fraternal love--or whether it respects the less sure and more fitful experiences of love1 in its ordinary sense4 ,i do not blame the parents who instil into their children of both sexes a desire to be married4 ,i think those who teach the young a different lesson deceive them4 ,marriage1 with all its chances1 its infelicities1 its sacrifices1 is seldom so infelicitous1 so uncertain1 so full of sacrifice1 as the single state4 ,life must have some objects1 and those objects must be progressive4 ,the mind is happier and healthier with such interests1 even if sorrow comes along with them1 than in its solitude1 its desolate freedom from care1 when having1 as the phrase is1 no troubles of the conjugal sort to disturb its tranquillity4 ,i therefore do not censure those who desire to see their daughters happily and suitably established in life4 ,it is the indiscreet and vulgar haste1 the indelicacy1 the low mercenary views1 and the equally low ambition to compass a splendid match1 which is blameable and revolting in the parental conduct4 ,many are1 however1 blessed with guides and guardians of very different characters2 with parents1 whose lofty natures not only reject such unworthy notions1 but somewhat incline to the extreme of repelling all advances for their daughters4 ,in either case1 the conduct of a young lady may be the same4 ,it is she who must form her own destiny in points on which none can effectually aid her4 ,it is she who is to be the happy wife1 or the wretched victim2 and it is to her that these observations of admonition and of warning are addressed4 ,let us suppose her young1 of course1 attractive in appearance1 of good birth1 and some fortune4 ,i here except heiresses1 who1 being anomalies1 deserve a particular paragraph for themselves4 ,but let us suppose that no obstacle of family or connection interferes to check the approach of a suitor4 ,the eyes of her family and of her young friends are upon her1 when a young lady receives the first indications of preference4 ,she is generally ashamed of it4 ,this is the first sentiment of a modest and ingenuous mind1 and it is one indication1 in my opinion1 of the impropriety of early marriages4 ,nature seems still to wish to keep the young and blushing girl apart from that connection which entails grave and arduous duties4 ,but ,nature's voice is far less often heard than that of her adversary1 expediency4 ,i must1 therefore1 shape my injunctions to that which exists1 not to that which we would wish to exist4 ,almost sinking under this painful sense of shame1 this novel disturbance of her usual set of feelings1 a young girl catches at the first reed to save herself from observation and detection4 ,i mean detection of her perception of that which others may or may not see4 ,she seizes upon ridicule4 ,she pretends to laugh at one1 whom sometimes her youthful romantic fancy dwells upon in a very different sense4 ,she laughs at the foibles1 supposed or real1 of her admirer3 she plays a dangerous game4 ,if any of those to whom she imparts her witticisms are malevolently disposed or thoughtless1 she runs a risk either of wounding the feelings of a man whom she does not like1 or of losing the regard of one whom she might in time not only esteem1 but love4 ,another effect of such attentions as awaken a consciousness in a young lady's mind1 is the gratification of vanity1 perhaps until then latent in her heart4 ,the first preference is apt to upset the reason of its object as of him who shows it4 ,the word vanity does not seem to imply danger4 ,vanity is generally considered an innocent failing2 but it is innocent only as some kinds of food are to a healthy subject4 ,on a weak1 or even on an inexperienced mind1 it acts1 sometimes1 fatally for the vain4 ,a girl is either carried away by admiration so as to be flippant and foolish1 or she is blinded by her vanity to the failings of the man who first admires her4 ,she is intoxicated with the notion of an offer of marriage2 she imagines1 in her simplicity1 effervesced as it is by the infusion of flattered vanity1 that she has inspired such an attachment as will never be recovered1 should she prove adverse to it4 ,many an engagement has been formed under this conviction1 and fulfilled only to prove its fallacy1 for the love which was supposed too strong to survive disappointment1 has expired in the fruition of its hopes4 ,to guard against either of these risks to happiness1 a well-educated girl should endeavor1 in this1 to exercise her judgment4 ,she should be sincere4 ,she is blameable to ridicule the attentions which are meant as complimentary to her4 ,they ought to be at least regarded with respect4 ,should they not be acceptable1 she is inexcusable to requite them with levity and disdain4 ,let her reflect how she would like such conduct herself4 ,besides1 she is often making a bitter enemy2 perhaps she is exciting fierce and unamiable sentiments in one who otherwise might have been regarded as a mild and worthy individual4 ,let her be undeceived if she supposes that in thus doing she is carrying herself with dignity1 or acquiring any added admiration from others4 ,she ceases1 in thus acting1 to support the characteristics of a gentlewoman1 which are mildness1 courtesy1 and reserve4 ,if she cherishes1 in spite of her pretended disgust1 a secret partiality for the individual who distinguishes her1 if she is lowering the esteem of a man whom she prefers1 she not only incurs the hazard of losing his regard1 but she is scattering ridicule on one whom she afterwards avows as her choice4 ,in that case1 she is lowering herself1 or she is sowing the seeds of distrust in the minds of those who know her--she is1 perhaps1 frustrating and delaying her own happiness4 ,let her act with candor1 with consideration1 with good sense1 and all this web which her folly would weave around her will not embarrass her4 ,let her not madly and obstinately resist the advice of those on whose affection to her1 and on whose good judgment1 experience has taught her to rely4 ,let her be a child in nothing except humility2 let her listen to counsels2 yet her own heart must decide for her--none can know so well as herself its secret throbs1 or the impression of dislike or of regard which has been made upon it4 ,i am1 ,i confess1 an enemy to trying to like a person1 as ,i have rarely seen such a mental process end in happiness to either party4 ,if an advantageous proposal offer itself1 it is wiser decidedly to refuse it1 than to trust to the slow growth of affection1 upon a foundation of original dislike4 ,and the trials of married life are such1--its temptations to irritability and contention are so manifold1 its anxieties so unforseen and so complicated1 that few can steer their difficult course safely and happily1 unless there be a deep and true attachment1 to contend with all the storms which may arise in the navigation4 ,deeply impressed with this conviction1 should it be the lot of any young lady in whom ,i were interested to form a real1 well-grounded attachment to a man whose circumstances were indifferent1 ,i should counsel her1 provided she can depend on the character and exertions of the object so beloved1 to risk the event of an engagement--to trust to time and ,providence1 and to marry whenever means were afforded1--convinced as ,i am1 that patience1 and trust1 and true affection1 raise the character1 and are acceptable in the eyes of our ,heavenly ,father4 ,but in such a case1 she must school her mind to meet the anxieties which attend limited means4 ,she must prepare herself1 by habits of diligence and economy1 to become a poor man's wife4 ,she must learn the difficult art of doing well upon a little4 ,she must not1 be she in any rank of life1 think to indulge with impunity to herself in every refinement and luxury when she is single2 and1 upon her marriage1 imagine that she can attain the practice of economy by wishing it4 ,such metamorphoses are out of reason--out of nature4 ,she must endeavor before the bond which ties her to poverty is framed1 to understand the duties of housekeeping1 the mysteries of needle-work4 ,she must lay down to herself rules of expenditure suitable1 in part1 to her future condition in life4 ,many a wife1 thus commencing1 has laid the foundations of future fortune1 at least independence1 to her husband1 by keeping his mind at peace1 during his progress up the steep ascent to professional1 or clerical1 or literary fame4 ,many a home has been cheered by domestic forbearance1 and placid submission to circumstances1 even in the higher classes1 during the life-time of a father1 or in the course of those long expectancies1 in which the fortitude and principle of many of the aristocracy are tried and proved4 ,but the self-denial1 the cheerfulness1 the good management1 the strict principle1 are formed at an earlier period than that in which a young lady gives her hand to him whom she has chosen1 in spite of the frown of fortune1 as her husband4 ,of this let the young be assured2 there are few situations in life1 in which a man1 young1 and in health1 cannot meliorate his circumstances1 if he possess energy and if he be stimulated by a true affection4 ,the clergyman1 with humble stipend1 often hopeless from want of interest1 has leisure--he has had education4 ,he may1 if he desires to assist himself1 have recourse to literary labor1 or to tuition4 ,if he make not such exertion1 during the course of an engagement1 what hope can there be of him in future life8 ,the young lawyer1 however tedious his advancement1 however few his opportunities1 may also distinguish himself in a literary career4 ,innumerable are the subjects open to one of such a profession4 ,how few avail themselves of the chance6 ,upon this rely1 the man truly in love will make the effort4 ,to the military man1 though perhaps he may be less qualified1 the same course is open1 in a degree4 ,some of our best travels1 some of our most amusing literary productions1 have been the compositions of military men4 ,and the advantage of this mode of aiding a small fortune is1 that a man not only does not lower1 but he raises his position by it1 if his works are moral1 written in a gentlemanly spirit1 and affording information4 ,however deep the attachment1 however agreeable the object1 if a man be indisposed to help himself to independence and competence1 ,i should counsel no woman to continue an engagement formed in the expectation of 'times mending4' ,when ,i advocate the indulgence of attachment1 it is to worthy1 not to unworthy1 objects4 ,i now come to speak of moral character4 ,hard is the contest between affection and expediency1 when it is raised by the question of circumstances4 ,but harder still is it1 when its result is to be decided upon an inquiry into moral conduct4 ,i know not a more cruel situation than that when the heart is bestowed on one whom the judgment could not approve4 ,i know not one which should be more strictly guarded against1 not only by parents and friends1 but 7for ,i would impress on every young lady how much she may prove the best guardian of her own happiness7 by the female heart itself4 ,with every vigilance1 with little to blame1 little to repent1 such cases will occur in this world4 ,the feelings are interested1 but the judgment distrusts4 ,happy is it for those who know the combat between affection and principle only in single life1 and have not the misery of encountering so severe a destiny when it can no longer be remedied--who know not how to fulfill the vow to honor what is proved to be unworthy--and yet still must love1--for the affections once given1 are little in our own power4 ,in such a case occurring to the young1 in1 perhaps1 a first attachment1 ,i think they must be guided by friends4 ,i am not an advocate for the interference of friends3 where it is much a question of a long and contingent engagement--a question of being married at once1 or of waiting1 in some uncertainty--a question of ease or discomfort1 of limited means or luxury--in such instances1 if the moral character be unexceptionable1 it is the duty of parents to point out all the risk1 all the disadvantages1 but to leave the heart to form its own decisions4 ,let them not seek to wrench the affections from the channel in which they flowed1 when fresh from their source4 ,they cannot know how deep the channel is--they cannot know if ever those pure and beautiful waters will flow in peace again when once hastily turned aside4 ,but in cases of moral character1 of right or wrong1 the affair is wholly different1 and the strictest parental authority ought1 upon due inquiry1 to be exercised4 ,submission and self-control are then the duty of the young sufferer--for a sufferer she truly is2--no page of her after-history could unfold a bitterer pang4 ,but peace and hope come at last--the struggle1 though violent1 leaves behind it none of that corroding sorrow1 which would have accompanied the acquiescence of parents in a union unblessed by a ,providence1 whose will is that all should be pure1 even as ,he above is pure4 ,had your fond wishes been granted1 young and trusting being1 how fearful would have been your condition6 ,for there is no suspicion so revolting to an innocent mind as that which unseats love from his throne in our affections1 and places another in his stead4 ,be assured of this--little can you know of the moral conduct of the other sex2 little is it desirable that you should know4 ,but whenever improprieties are so flagrant as to be matters of conversation2 when the good shun1 and the pitying forbear to excuse2 be assured some deeper cause than you can divine exists for the opprobrium4 ,think not that your empire over affections thus wasted can be a real one4 ,it is transient1 it will not last--it will not bring reformation--it will never be adequately requited4 ,throw yourself on the judgment of those whose interest in you has been life-long1 or of such as you know truly regard your happiness2 conquer the unhallowed preference2 pray for support and guidance2 trust in ,him who 'catereth for the sparrow4' ,but1 when the commencement of life is chilled by so cruel a sorrow--when the blight has fallen on the bud--we must not only look up to heavenly aid1 we must take every means of care for an unfortunate1 and1 when once the judgment is convinced of the unworthiness of the object1 a blameable attachment4 ,how often1 in the ,psalms1 in the ,gospels1 the word ',help' is reiterated6 ,we are to help ourselves--we must work for our heavenly peace on earth--the mental discipline1 to prosper1 must be aided by divine grace1 but its springs must be from our own hearts4 ,and1 to fulfill the will of ,god in this1 as in the other events of life1 let us take such means as may aid us in the work of self-government4 ,in the first place1 let employment be resorted to by the sorrowing1 do not indulge in tears2 do not sit alone3 abstain1 for a time1 from music2 abstain from the perusal of poetry1 or works of imagination4 ,they still more soften the feelings and open up the sources of grief4 ,read works of fact--endeavor to occupy yourself with the passing events of the world4 ,and1 when the overburdened heart cannot be comforted1 or its thoughts diverted--for there will be moments too mournful to be resisted--go forth into the fields1 go to the houses of the poor--see the goodness and mercy of ,god--see too1 the patience and long-suffering of the poor1 who may often set the rich an example of fortitude4 ,occupy yourself1 if you can1 with children2 their freshness1 their joyful unconsciousness1 the elasticity of their spirits1 will sustain and draw you from yourself1 or have recourse to the soothing calmness of the aged4 ,hear them converse upon the affairs of life2 how they appreciate the importance of each passing event1 as a traveler does the ruts and inequalities of the road he has traversed4 ,how their confidence in the effect of time sustains you6 and you turn from them1 reflecting on all that the happiest of them must necessarily have endured4 ,be assured of your own recovery1 under an influence so certain4 ,avoid young persons of your own age4 ,if possible1 except to a sister1 whose deep interest in you will probably teach her a superior lesson1 never confide in young friends1 a similar trial as that to which ,i have referred4 ,in general1 your resolution will be weakened1 your feelings re-excited1 your confidence in your best advisers will be shaken4 ,for the young usually take the part of the rejected lover--they delight in that dangerous species of sympathy which flatters with hope4 ,they are naturally incredulous as to the delinquencies of a man who is agreeable1 and in love2 they incline to the notion of the hard-heartedness of fathers1 uncles1 and elder brothers2 and even1 if they happen to possess good sense1 or to exercise the rare quality of prudence in such matters1 the very communication of any sorrow1 or the recital of any feelings1 gives not only a merely temporary relief1 but deadens that sorrow and strengthens those feelings1 which grow every time they are imparted4 ,if you wish to recover--and1 if you have a sound and well-disposed mind1 you will wish to recover--you must1 after the first burst of grief is over1 speak but rarely of a theme too painful and delicate to bear the contact of rude minds--too dangerous to dwell upon with those of a kindlier and loftier nature4 ,to your female relations--to your mother1 more especially1 too great an openness cannot be practiced on these points1 but openness does not imply a perpetual recurrence to a theme1 which must wear out patience and exhaust all but maternal sympathy1 in time4 ,for maternal sympathy is exhaustless2 be generous1 and restrain1 from that very reflection1 the continual demand upon its flow4 ,the first person to consult1 the last to afflict--a mother--should not be the victim of her daughter's feelings4 ,her judgment should not be weakened by the incessant indulgence of a daughter's sorrows4 ,i would1 on many grounds1 caution the young against hasty engagements4 ,it seems extraordinary that the welfare of a life should often be determined upon the acquaintance of a few weeks4 ,the principles1 it is true1 may be ascertained from the knowledge of others1 the manners may please1 the means and expectations may all be clearly understood4 ,but the temper--that word of unspeakable import--the daily habits1 the power of constancy--these are not to be known without a long and severe examination of the motives1 and a daily observation of the conduct1 of others4 ,very little suffices to mar the happiness of married life1 if that little proceed in the character of a man1 from a rooted selfishness4 ,it is true1 in regard to this defect1 that much may be done by a wife to meliorate a vice of character which is1 in some1 only the result of never having had their feelings developed4 ,but if there exist not this excuse--if1 in spite of ties1 which are dearer to an affectionate mind than existence2 you find a man preferring his own comfort to that of those whom he professes to love--if you find him imperious to his servants1 dictatorial to sisters1 on cool terms with brothers1 there is little hope that the mental disease will ever be rooted out1 so as to leave a healthy character of mind4 ,examine well into this point2 for a hasty temper may be remedied1 and even endured--but the deep1 slow1 sullen course of a selfish nature wears away hope1 imparts a cankering care1 and1 with it1 often disgust4 ,no defect is so little to be resisted as selfishness4 ,it creeps into every detail2 it infects the minutest affairs of life as well as the greatest concerns4 ,it depresses the humble sufferer from its baneful effects2 it irritates the passions of the unamiable4 ,study well the character in trifles2 nor venture to risk your bark on the sea of matrimony1 unless you know well how far this man1 whom you might prefer1 is free from this deadly infection4 ,view him1 if possible1 in his home1 before you pledge your faith with his--or1 if that be not practicable1 reflect upon the general course of his actions1 of his sentiments1 and endeavor dispassionately to judge them1 as best you may4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,bridal ,,etiquette4 ,in preparing a bridal outfit1 it is best to furnish the wardrobe for at least two years1 in under-clothes1 and one year in dresses1 though the bonnet and cloak1 suitable for the coming season1 are all that are necessary1 as the fashions in these articles change so rapidly4 ,if you are going to travel1 have a neat dress and cloak of some plain color1 and a close bonnet and veil4 ,avoid1 as intensely vulgar1 any display of your position as a bride1 whilst traveling4 ,take1 first1 the weddings at church4 ,in this case none are invited to the ceremony excepting the family1 and the reception is at the house of the bride's mother1 or nearest relative1 either on the wedding-day or upon her return from the bridal tour4 ,in sending out the invitations1 let the card of the bridegroom and that of the bride be tied together with a white ribbon1 and folded in the note paper upon which is printed the name of the bride's mother1 with the date of the reception-day1 thus3-- ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,saunders4 ,at home1 ,thursday1 ,oct4 #afth1 from #aa till #b4 ,no4 #bah1 ---- st4 of course the hours and dates vary1 but the form is the same4 ,if there is no bridal reception upon the wedding day1 the cards are worded3-- ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,smith4 ,at home1 ,wednesdays1 ,on1 and after1 ,june #fth4 ,no4 #ag1 ---- st4 ,tie the card with the bride's maiden name upon it to this one4 ,enclose the invitation in a white envelope1 and tie it with white satin ribbon4 ,if you send cake1 have it put in a white box1 and place the note outside the cover1 tying it fast with white satin ribbon4 ,the bride's dress must be of white entirely4 ,if she is married in the morning1 a plain white silk1 white mantle1 and white bonnet1 full trimmed with orange flowers1 with a plain veil1 is the most suitable dress1 and she may wear a richer one at her reception1 when she returns from her bridal tour4 ,as soon as the carriages come1 let the bridesmaids1 and relatives set off first4--,last1 the bride with her parents4 ,the bride1 her parents1 and the bridesmaids go immediately to the vestry1 where they meet the bridegroom1 and the groomsmen4 ,the father of the bride gives her his arm and escorts her to the altar1 the bridegroom walking on the other side4 ,then follow the bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples4 ,when they reach the altar the bridegroom removes his right hand glove1 but the bride keeps hers on until the clergyman takes the ring4 ,the first bridesmaid then removes the left hand glove1 and it is not resumed4 ,the bridesmaids should wear white dresses1 white mantles1 and bonnets1 but not veils or orange flowers4 ,the bride and groom leave the church first1 after the ceremony is over1 and take the carriage with the parents of the bride1 and the others follow in the order in which they came4 ,if there is a breakfast or morning reception1 the bride will not change her dress until she retires to put on her traveling attire4 ,if the wedding takes place in the evening at church1 to be followed by a full dress reception at home1 the bride should wear a white lace dress over satin1 or any other material to suit her own taste1 a veil1 falling from her head to her feet1 fastened to the hair by a coiffure of orange flowers2 white kid gloves1 and white satin slippers4 ,a bouquet1 if carried1 should contain only white flowers4 ,the bridesmaids may wear white1 or some thin1 light-colored material over white1 a head-dress of flowers1 and carry bouquets of mixed flowers4 ,when the wedding takes place at home1 let the company assemble in the front drawing-room1 and close the doors between that and the back room4 ,in the back room1 let the bride1 bridegroom1 bridesmaids1 and groomsmen1 the parents of the bride1 and the clergyman1 assemble4 ,the clergyman should stand in the centre of the room1 the bride and groom before him1 the bridesmaids ranged beside the bride1 the groomsmen beside the bridegroom4 ,then open the doors and let the ceremony begin4 ,this arrangement saves that awkwardness attendant upon entering the room and taking the position before a large company4 ,after the ceremony is over1 the parents of the bride speak to her first2 then her near relatives1 and not until then the other members of the company4 ,it is not usual now to have dancing1 or even music1 at a wedding1 and the hour is named upon the cards1 at which the guests are expected to retire4 ,a very pretty effect is produced in the wedding group1 if the bride wears pure white1 and the bridesmaids white1 with flowers and trimmings of a different color4 ,thus1 one in white1 with a head-dress and trimming of green leaves2 another1 white1 with blue ribbons and forget-me-nots2 another1 white1 with pink roses and ribbons4 ,if the wedding is in the morning1 the bride and family may wear full dress2 in that case the shutters should be closed and the rooms lighted as in the evenings4 ,let the supper be laid early1 and ready when the ceremony is over1 that the guests may pass into the dining-room1 if they wish1 as soon as they have spoken to the bride4 ,if a morning wedding1 let the table be set as for an evening wedding4 ,if the bride gives a reception at her own house1 after her return from her bridal tour1 she should not wear her wedding-dress4 ,if in the evening1 a supper should be set4 ,if a morning reception1 let her wear a handsome light silk1 collar and sleeves of lace4 ,wine and cake are sufficient to hand to each guest at a morning reception4 ,at an evening reception let the bride wear full dress1 but not her wedding-dress4 ,at parties given to a newly married couple1 the bridesmaids and groomsmen are always invited1 and the whole party are expected to wear the same dresses as at the wedding4 ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,hints ,,on ,,health4 ,the universal remark of travelers visiting ,america1 as well as the universal complaint of ,americans themselves1 relates to the ill health of the fairer portion of the community4 ,look where you will1 go to any city in the vast ,union1 the remark and complaint will be made everywhere4 ,with every natural advantage of climate1 yet from ,north to ,south1 ,east to ,west the cry resounds4 ,foreigners1 admiring the dark-eyed girls of the southern states or the blondes of the northern ones1 will remark1 with comments upon beauty3-- ,but she looks delicate1 poor thing6--,not strong8 ,ah6 ,i thought not1 none of the ,american women are1 and how soon these young beauties fade6 ,it seems to me1 amongst the subjects treated of in my present work1 that a few words on health will not come amiss4 ,light and sunshine are needful for your health4 ,get all you can2 keep your windows clean4 ,do not block them up with curtains1 plants1 or bunches of flowers2--these last poison the air1 in small rooms4 ,fresh air is needful for your health4 ,as often as you can1 open all your windows1 if only for a short time in bad weather2 in fine weather1 keep them open1 but never sit in draughts4 ,when you get up1 open the windows wide1 and throw down the bed-clothes1 that they may be exposed to fresh air some hours1 daily1 before they are made up4 ,keep your bed-clothes clean2 hang them to the fire when you can4 ,avoid wearing at night what you wear in the day4 ,hang up your day-clothes at night4 ,except in the severest weather1 in small1 crowded sleeping-rooms1 a little opening at the top of the window-sash is very important2 or you will find one window pane of perforated zinc very useful4 ,you will not catch cold half so easily by breathing pure air at night4 ,let not the beds be directly under the windows4 ,sleeping in exhausted air creates a desire for stimulants4 ,pure water is needful for your health4 ,wash your bodies as well as your faces1 rubbing them all over with a coarse cloth4 ,if you cannot wash thus every morning1 pray do so once a week4 ,crying and cross children are often pacified by a gentle washing of their little hands and faces--it soothes them4 ,babies' heads should be washed carefully1 every morning with soap4 ,no scurf should be suffered to remain upon them4 ,get rid of all slops and dirty water at once4 ,disease1 and even death1 is often the consequence of our own negligence4 ,wash your rooms and passages at least once a week1 use plenty of clean water2 but do not let your children stay in them while they are wet1 it may bring on croup or inflammation of the chest4 ,if you read your ,bibles1 which it is earnestly hoped you do1 you will find how cleanliness1 both as to the person and habitation1 was taught to the ,jews by ,god himself2 and we read in the #dth chapter of ,nehemiah that when they were building their second temple1 and defending their lives against their foes1 having no time for rest1 they contrived to put off their clothes for washing4 ,it is a good old saying1 that cleanliness is next to godliness4 ,see ,heb4 x4 #bb4 ,wholesome food is needful for your health4 ,buy the most strengthening4 ,pieces of fresh beef and mutton go the farthest4 ,eat plenty of fresh salt with food2 it prevents disease4 ,pray do not let your children waste their pennies in tarts1 cakes1 bull's eyes1 hardbake1 sour fruit1 c41 they are very unwholesome1 and hurt the digestion4 ,people would often1 at twenty years of age1 have a nice little sum of money to help them on in the world1 if they had put in the savings' bank the money so wasted2 ,cocoa is cheaper and much more nourishing than tea4 ,none of these liquids should be taken hot1 but lukewarm2 when hot they inflame the stomach1 and produce indigestion4 ,we are all made to breathe the pure air of heaven1 and therefore much illness is caused by being constantly in-doors4 ,let all persons make a point1 whenever it is possible1 of taking exercise in the open air for at least an hour and a half daily4 ,time would be saved in the long run by the increased energy and strength gained1 and by the warding off of disease4 ,let it not be supposed that it is not the duty of every young lady to take due care of her health1 and to preserve in all its power of utility every portion of vigor which has been bestowed on her4 ,with many young ladies1 it appears to be a maxim to do everything in their power to destroy the health which is so much wanted in the real business of life1 and which forms so important a requisite to happiness4 ,in the first place1 as to hours--they never leave the ball-room until utterly exhausted1 and scarcely fit to crawl to bed4 ,the noon-day sleep1 the scarcely touched breakfast1 that most important meal1 are followed by preparations for the succeeding night's pleasures1 or in head-aching morning calls1 driving about in a close carriage1 or lounging on a sofa1 in an over-heated room1 reading novels4 ,dressing follows2 the warm wrapper or dress is thrown aside2 over the tightly drawn corsets is fastened a flimsy dress1 with an inch of sleeve2 the neck laid bare2 thin stockings drawn on1 in place of thick ones1 and the consumption-seeker goes forth to the ball-room again4 ,at times1 you miss from the gay assemblage some former ornament--you inquire about her--she has taken cold4 ,inflammation of the lungs1 caught it in an accidental draught of air by one of these fair half-dressed beings1 carried off1 not long since1 one of the gayest and fairest of the belles of the season--after an illness of three days4 ,preservation of the health ought1 from an early stage of existence1 to be enforced as a duty upon the young4 ,to walk daily2 to have daily recourse1 in summer1 even twice a day1 to the sponging with cold water1 or the shower-bath2--to eat sufficiently of plain1 nutritious food2 to keep the mind calm--these are duties2--they should be habitually exercised4 ,care should be taken not to come out heated1 with a shawl just pinned across the shoulders1 from a heated room4 ,where there is delicacy of the lungs or windpipe1 yet not sufficient to render a withdrawal from evening parties necessary1 the use of a respirator at night is desirable4 ,it is usual to have recourse to this valuable invention only when disease is actually existing--as a preventive1 it is neglected4 ,yet1 preserving the temperature of a warm room1 it is an excellent precaution1 and can easily be assumed when the shawl or cloak is put on4 ,the atmosphere of a city is destructive where there is any pulmonary delicacy1 and who shall say1 where there is not pulmonary delicacy8 ,in this climate1 there is a tendency to it1 more or less1 in almost every family1--at all events1 it is too easily induced in our predisposed constitutions1 by cold1 aided by the debilitating effect of heated rooms and an artificial mode of existence1 and accelerated also1 most decidedly1 by bared shoulders4 ,for1 in this climate1 it is scarcely ever safe to lay bare that portion of the frame1 the back and chest in which the lungs are seated2 and1 although custom may greatly lead to diminish the injurious effects1 the sudden chill may strike1 and may never be recovered4 ,during every season1 certain people have 'head colds1' coughs1 and 'feverish colds4' ,these are produced by certain states of climate acting on certain states of constitution4 ,at particular seasons such complaints abound--at others they abound still more2 and again1 from some singularity1 they prevail so much that people say1 there is an ,influenza4 ,influenza has been long known in the world4 ,it has often visited ,europe2 and made its appearance on our shores with greater severity than at present4 ,it has sometimes been very severe1 and left many persons ill for a year or two4 ,the symptoms of influenza need not be dwelt on1 as they have been so generally felt by our readers or their friends4 ,it varies in different people1 to be sure1 both in kind and in degree4 ,considering the number of people it attacks1 it may be looked on as an innocent disease2 but1 on the other hand1 looking at the increase it has made in the number of deaths1 it is an exceedingly serious one after all4 ,in simple cases--confinement to a pure and temperate air1 warm drinks1 and a warm bath1 or1 at least1 a warm foot-bath1 with an extra blanket1 and a little more rest than usual1 keeping to mild food1 and toast and water1 and taking1 if necessary1 a dose of aperient medicine1--is all that is required4 ,in serious cases1 the domestic treatment must become professional4 ,mustard plasters to the back relieve the headache4 ,squills find other medicines 'loosen' the outstanding cough4 ,bark and wine1 and even cold baths are sometimes requisite for the weakness left behind4 ,but these things can only be used with discrimination by a regular professional man4 ,supposing that the seeds of disease have not been laid in childhood1 and that there is no particular predisposition to any malady in the constitution1 a young woman enters life with every fair prospect of enjoying tolerable health2--yet1 how variable1 and delicate1 and complaining1 do the majority of women become6 ,what a vast expense is incurred1 during the course of their lives1 in physicians1 medicine1 change of air1 baths abroad and at home1 and journeys6 ,how few women can walk1--or can suppress nervous feelings1--or can eat like reasonable beings3 how many suffer1 or say they suffer from debility1 headaches1 dyspepsia1 a tendency to colds1 eternal sore throats1 rheumatic attacks1 and the whole list of polite complaints6 ,with all our modern wisdom1 with all our books on health1 our smatterings of physiological science1 our open carriages1 sponging baths1 and attention to diet1 women now are a far more feeble race than our grandmothers1 or even our mothers1 were4 ,what daughter can walk half as far as her mother can8 ,what young woman can take the active part that her mother did8 ,in most families1 the order of things is reversed4 ,it is not a child trembling for her mother's health1 and fearing1 lest her parent1 no longer young1 should be fatigued2 but it is the mother who is always striving to spare her child exertions which she can herself perfectly well undergo1 but which the enfeebled child of modern self-indulgence dare not encounter4 ,yes6 we are a self-indulgent race1 this present generation4 ,witness our easily excited feelings2 witness our late hours of rising1 our sofas and easy chairs1 our useless days and dissipated nights6 ,witness our pallid faces1 our forms1 sometimes attenuated and repulsive while yet in early life1 age marching1 not creeping1 on before his time2 or witness our over-fed and over-expanded forms1 enfeebled by indolence1 and suffering the worst species of debility--the debility of fat4 ,witness our doing those things by deputy which our grandmothers did themselves2 witness our host of scents and perfumed waters on our dressing-tables2 our over-refinement1 which amounts to an enervating puerility1 and our incapacity of parting with one accustomed indulgence1 even at the bidding of the learned and disinterested adviser8 ',in the education of women1' writes a modern physician1 'too little attention is given to subdue the imaginative faculty1 and to moderate sensibility2 on the contrary1 they are generally fostered2 and1 instead of a vigorous intellect and healthy condition of mind1 we find imagination and sentiment predominant over the reasoning faculties1 and laying the foundation of hysterical1 hypochondriacal1 and even maniacal diseases4',b ,it is1 in fact1 this want of judgment in the management of early life that produces so much misery when women are called upon to perform an important part in society1 and when all that exertion can do is required at their hands4 ,b ,the ,sick-,room1 by ,dr4 ,a4 ,t4 ,thomson4 ,the duration of sleep should not1 in the adult1 exceed six or eight hours2 women injure their health greatly by excess in this respect4 ,on rising1 all women should use some mode of cold or tepid bath2 and1 indeed1 in this respect the practice of the present day is admirable2 there is every facility for the bath4 ,to some1 the use of the shower-bath is deleterious1 and to all inconvenient1 and not likely to be resorted to except when positively ordered4 ,dr4 ,combe recommends for general use the tepid or warm bath1 as being much more suitable than the cold bath1 'especially in the winter for those who are not robust1 and full of animal heat4' ,when the constitution is not sufficiently vigorous to ensure reaction after the cold bath1 by producing a warm glow over the surface1 'its use1' observes the same admirable writer1 'inevitably does harm4' ,but he enforces1 that 'in order to promote a due exhalation from the skin1 the warm1 the tepid1 or the shower-bath1 as a means of preserving health1 ought to be in as common use as a change of apparel1 for it is equally a measure of necessary cleanliness4' ,he inclines to the use of the tepid bath1 as likely to be the most generally efficacious4 ,i have known the most beneficial effects from a modification of this advice1 namely1 from using a sponging-bath1 into which you pour a jug of warm water1 and in which you stand1 whilst you sponge the body and limbs profusely with cold water4 ,a strong friction should be employed after this process1 either with horsehair gloves or with a large coarse towel1 and few persons will find the use of the sponging-bath disagree with them when thus employed4 ,it is1 indeed1 incredible1 when we consider the importance of the exhalation performed by the skin1 to what extent ablution is neglected1 not only1 as ,dr4 ,combe specifies1 in charitable institutions and seminaries for the young1 but by ladies1 in ordinary circumstances1 to whom the use of the bath could be productive of no inconvenience4 ,in nervous complaints1 which are more or less the besetting evil of womankind1 the bath1 in its various forms1 becomes an invaluable aid4 ,in the formation of those habits which are necessary for the preservation of health1 another circumstance1 which1 from its importance to health1 cannot be deemed trifling should be mentioned4 ,it is a general practice that beds should be made as soon as the occupants have left their rooms1 and before the air has been freely admitted to play upon the recent depositary of the human frame2 but this should be avoided4 ,the bed-linen and blankets should be taken off1 and the windows opened1 so that1 for an hour or more1 a thorough ventilation should be procured4 ,upon another point1 the inconsistency and mental blindness of women are almost inconceivable--the insufficiency of their dress to resist the attacks of our variable climate4 ,how few women clothe themselves like rational beings6 ,although1 in latter years1 they have wisely adopted the use of warm dresses1 and1 more especially1 of the valuable ,scottish plaid1 yet how commonly they neglect the aid of flannel in preserving them not only from cold1 but in securing a necessary circulation of vitality in the skin6 ',the necessary effect of deficient circulation in the skin1' remarks ,dr4 ,combe1 'is to throw a disproportionate mass of blood inwards2 and when this condition exists1 insufficient clothing perpetuates the evil1 until internal disease is generated1 and health is irrecoverably lost4' ,how common is the complaint among young women1 especially those of sedentary habits1 of chilliness1 cold feet1 and other symptoms of deficient circulation6 and yet how impossible would it often be--for women are usually obstinate on this head--to induce them to exchange the thin silk stocking for a warm merino one1 or to substitute a proper walking shoe for the paper-like articles which they designate by that name6 ,hence arise many diseases1 which are1 by insensible degrees1 fostered in the system by the unequal distribution of the blood oppressing the internal organs4 ,the habitual tendency to that chilliness which has been referred to should never be disregarded1 'laying1 as it does1' says ,dr4 ,combe1 'the foundation of tubercles in the lungs1 and other maladies1 which show themselves only when arrived at an incurable stage4' ',all those who value health1 and have common sense1 will therefore take warning from signs like these1 and never rest until equilibrium of action be restored4' ,warm clothing1 exercise in the open air1 sponging with tepid water and vinegar1 or the warm bath1 the use of a flesh-brush or hair-glove1 are adapted to remedy these serious and threatening evils4 ,but1 whilst insufficiency of clothing is to be deprecated1 excessive wrapping up should also be avoided4 ,great differences exist between the power of generating heat and resisting cold in individuals1 and it is therefore impossible to prescribe general rules upon the subject of clothing4 ,the best maxim is1 not to dress in an invariable way in all cases1 but to put on clothing sufficient in the individual case1 to protect the body effectively against the sensation of cold4,c ,c ,dr4 ,combe4 ,the insufficiency of warmth in the clothing of females constitutes only one part of its injurious effects4 ,the tightness of dress obstructs the insensible perspiration hurtfully1 and produces an irregular circulation4 ,every part and function of the human frame are linked together so closely1 that we cannot act wrongly towards one organ without all suffering1 nor act rightly without all sharing the benefit of our judgment and good sense4 ,the mischief arising from cold or wet feet is admitted by all persons who have given the subject of health even the most casual consideration4 ,in conversing with very aged people1 you will generally find a disregard of diet1 and very different notions and practices upon the subject of exercise and ablution2 but they all agree in the necessity of keeping the feet dry4 ,i remember inquiring of a venerable clergyman1 who1 up to the age of ninety-six1 had enjoyed a fair proportion of health1 after a youth of delicacy4 ,i asked him what system he pursued4 ',now1' was his reply1 ',i never took much care what ,i ate2 ,i have always been temperate4 ,i never minded the weather2 but ,i always took care to keep my feet dry and well shod4' ,wet and damp are1 indeed1 more unwholsome when applied to the feet than when they affect other parts2 'because they receive a greater supply of blood to carry on a high degree of perspiration1 and because their distance from the heart1 or centre of circulation1 diminishes the force with which this is carried on1 and thus leaves them more susceptible from external causes4',d ,d ,dr4 ,combe4 ,god1 in his infinite benevolence1 has given to his creatures other means of acquiring a healthy warmth than by clothing2 he has endowed us with the power of exercise--that blessing which women of weak judgment and indolent natures are so prone to neglect and disparage4 ,most ladies appear to think that the privilege of walking is only intended for persons of inferior condition4 ,they busy themselves1 in their in-door occupations all the morning1 take a hearty luncheon1 and drive out in their carriages until dinner-time4 ,it is partly owing to such customs as these that a rapid deterioration takes place in the physical state of our sex1 in their looks1 and in their power of utility1 and enjoyment of happiness4 ,god never intended us to be inactive4 ,the chief purpose of the muscles with which we are endowed1 is to enable us to carry into effect the volitions of the mind2 and1 whilst fulfilling this grand object1 the active exercise of the muscles is conducive to the well-being of many other important functions4 ,the processes of digestion1 respiration1 secretion1 absorption1 and nutrition1 are promoted1 and the healthful condition of the whole body influenced4 ,the mind also is depressed or exhilarated by the proper or improper use of muscular exercise2 for man is intended for a life of activity3 nor can his functions ever go on so properly as when he duly exercises those organs with which ,nature has endowed him4 ,the evils arising from want of exercise are numerous3--the circulation1 from the absence of due stimulus1 becomes languid1 the appetite and digestion are weakened1 the respiration is imperfect1 and the blood becomes so ill-conditioned1 that when distributed through the body it is inadequate to communicate the necessary stimulus to healthy and vigorous action4 ,these points being established1 it now becomes a consideration in what mode1 or at what periods1 ladies1 in society1 can most advantageously avail themselves of that privilege which is granted to so many1 denied1 comparatively1 to so few4 ,much is said on the benefits of walking before breakfast1 and to a person in full vigor it may1 there is no doubt1 be highly salutary2 whilst1 to the delicate1 it will prove more hurtful than beneficial1 producing a sense of weariness which destroys all the future pleasures of the day4 ,i am disposed to think1 however1 from observation1 that walking before breakfast may be rendered beneficial almost to any one by degrees4 ,most persons walk too far the first day2 they are proud of the effort1 become1 nevertheless1 exhausted1 and dare not repeat it4 ,a first walk before breakfast should not exceed a quarter of a mile2 it should be extended1 very gradually1 and1 in delicate women1 with great care1 lest over-fatigue should ensue4 ,it is1 however1 so valuable a habit1 such a saving of time1 so refreshing1 so soothing1 that many sacrifices of inclination should be made to procure it2 in a gay season the freshness and seclusion of a morning's walk is peculiarly needed1 and when it becomes so difficult to take exercise in the subsequent part of the day1 the afternoon being too short1 and the evening too much occupied4 ,and the morning's walk1 stolen from the hour given to a species of repose which seldom rests1 may be1 without the reproach of indolence1 followed by the afternoon's siesta--a practice much to be commended1 and greatly conducive to rest of nerves and invigoration of the frame1 when used in moderation4 ,exercise may be taken1 by the robust1 at any time1 even after eating heartily1 but the delicate ought to avoid that risk2 they should resort to it only when the frame is vigorous enough to bear it1 and this is usually from one to four or five hours after eating4 ,the morning is1 therefore1 the best time2 but exercise ought not to be delayed until some degree of exhaustion has taken place from want of food1 as in that case it dissipates rather than renovates the remaining strength1 and impairs digestion4 ,exercise immediately before meals is therefore1 unless very gentle1 injurious2 if it has been violent1 before eating rest should intervene4 ',appetite1' says ,dr4 ,combe1 'revives after repose4' ,of all modes of exercise1 that which nature has bestowed upon us1 walking1 is decidedly the most salutary2 and the prevailing system of substituting horse and carriage exercise almost entirely for it1 is far from being advantageous to the present generation4 ,walking1 which has for its aim some pleasing pursuit1 and1 therefore1 animates the mind1 is efficacious to the majority4 ,gardening1 which is a modification of walking1 offers many advantages both to the delicate and the strong1 and it is a species of exercise which we can adjust to our powers4 ,in a continued walk you must go on--you must return2 there is no appeal1 even if you have gone too far1 and would willingly give up any further exertion4 ,but1 while gardening1 you are still at home--your exertions are devoted to objects the most interesting1 because progressive2 hope and faith form a part of your stimulus4 ,the happy future1 when flowers shall bloom around you1 supersedes in your thoughts the vexatious present or the mournful past4 ,about you are the budding treasures of spring1 or the gorgeous productions of summer1 or the rich hues of those beauties which autumn pours forth most lavishly before it departs1--and is succeeded by winter4 ,above you are the gay warblers1 who seem to hail you as you mingle in the sylvan scenes which are not all theirs1 but which you share and appropriate4 ,the ruffled temper1 the harassed mind1 may find a solace in the occupation of gardening1 which aids the effect of exercise and the benign influence of fresh air4 ,stores of future and never-dying interest are buried in the earth with every seed1 only to spring up again redoubled in their value4 ,a lady1 as a writer in the ',quarterly ,review' observes1 should 'not only have but know her plants4' ,and her enjoyment of those delights is truly enhanced by that personal care1 without which few gardens1 however superintended by the scientific gardener1 can prosper1 and which bless as they thrive2 her plants bestow health on the frame which is bowed down to train them--they give to her the blessing of a calm and rational pleasure--they relieve her from the necessity of excitement--they promote alike1 in the wealthy and the poor1 these gentle exertions which are coupled with the most poetical and the sweetest of associations4 ,exercise on horseback is not equally attainable with the two modes which ,i have just specified2 when it is1 the accelerated circulation1 the change of scene and of ideas1 are highly beneficial4 ,where the lungs are weak1 it is thought by the learned to possess a great advantage over walking1 as it does not hurry the breathing4 ,the gentleness of the exercise enables a delicate person to enjoy the advantage of open air and motion for a much longer period than could be endured in the action of walking4 ,from the tendency of horse exercise to equalize the circulation and stimulate the skin1 it is invaluable1 too1 for the nervous and dyspeptic portion of young women1 among whom1 unhappily1 such complaints are but too prevalent4 ,dancing1 which is the most frequent mode of exercise with ladies in great cities1 practiced1 as it is1 in heated rooms1 and exhausting from its violence1 often does more harm than good1 from producing languor and over-fatigue4 ,unhappily there are but few modes of exercise in-doors adapted for women4 ,if1 from any circumstances1 they are confined to their homes1 and they become feverish and languid from want of exercise1 it never occurs to them to throw open the windows and to walk about1 or to make use of battledore and shuttlecock1 or any other mode of exertion4 ,they continue sitting1 reading1 or walking1 or lounging1 or sleeping1 or gossiping1--whilst the bloom of health is rapidly giving place to the wanness and debility of the imprisoned frame4 ,it is often the custom of young women to declare that they cannot walk1 sometimes from indolence1 no doubt1 and want of habit1 occasionally from real inability4 ,but if we investigate the causes of this real inability1 we shall often find it to proceed from an improper choice of time in taking exercise1 or from a defective judgment in the manner of taking it4 ,many women exhaust and fatigue themselves with the duties of their house1 and by a thousand trying occupations1 including that which forms a serious item in the day's work1 namely1 running up and down stairs1 and then discover that they cannot walk4 ,others go to extremes1 and walk for a certain distance1 whether they feel fatigued or not by such exertions4 ',it is only1' observes ,dr4 ,combe1 'by a diffusion of the laws of exercise as a part of useful education1 that individuals can be enabled to avoid such mistakes1' ,to be beneficial1 exercise should always be proportioned to the strength and to the constitution of an individual4 ,when it causes extreme fatigue or exhaustion1 it is hurtful2 it ought to be resumed always after a period of rest1 and adopted regularly1 not1 as too many persons are in the habit of doing1 once in four or five days4 ,the average walk which a young woman in good health and in ordinary circumstances1 may take1 without undue and injurious fatigue1 is from four to five miles a-day4 ,from this rule ,i except the very young4 ,it has been found by experience that until twenty-two or three the strength is not completely matured4 ,the rate of mortality1 as it has been proved by statistical tables1 increases in all classes of society from fourteen until the age of twenty-three1 when it begins to decrease4 ,another precaution which ,i would recommend to those who have the regulation of families under their care1 relates to the subject of ventilation4 ,the heated state of our rooms in ordinary occupation is one great source of all those mischiefs which arise from catching cold1 a subject on which ,mr4 ,abernethy was wont to declare1 that 'a very useful book might be written4' ,there are some houses into which one can never enter with impunity1 from the want of due ventilation4 ,housemaids1 more especially1 have an insupportable objection to opening windows1 on account of the dust which flies in and settles upon the furniture4 ,this evil--for the soiling of furniture certainly may be called an evil--may easily be obviated by fastening a muslin blind against the open window1 or by pinning a large piece of coarse muslin against it1 so that the dusty particles will be excluded4 ,generally our ordinary sitting-rooms are tolerably well ventilated by the opening and shutting of doors1 the size of the fire-place1 c41 but in our bed-rooms the vitiation of the air is far greater1 owing to these rooms being wholly closed during the seven or eight hours in which we sleep in them1 and1 also1 owing to the mass of curtains with which we usually take care to surround our beds4 ,in this respect we are1 indeed1 improved1 by the introduction of ,french bedsteads1 which are among the most valuable of modern suggestions4 ,but1 notwithstanding this improvement1 and many others which reflection and science have contributed to introduce1 we incur much suffering from our ignorance and prejudice on the subject of ventilation4 ,for generations1 society has experienced the evil effects of the want of ventilation1 and has felt in towns its results in the form of fevers1 general ill-health1 cutaneous and nervous diseases2 and yet the most direful ignorance continues on this subject4 ,hospitals are among the few well-ventilated buildings which are erected1 because an idea prevails that ventilation is essential for the sick1 but it seems to have been forgotten that what is essential for the recovery of health is equally necessary for its preservation4 ',were1' says ,dr4 ,combe1 'a general knowledge of the structure of man to constitute a regular part of a liberal education1 such inconsistencies as this would soon disappear1 and the scientific architect would speedily devise the best means for supplying our houses with pure air1 as he has already supplied them with pure water4' ,,chapter ,,xxvi4 ,,miscellaneous4 ,there are many little pieces of rudeness1 only too common1 which1 while they evince ill-breeding1 and are many of them extremely annoying1 yet they are met with every day1 and in persons otherwise well-bred4 ,as they come under no particular head1 they will merely be mentioned here1 as habits carefully to avoid4 ,it is rude to look over the shoulder of a person who is either reading or writing1 yet it is done every day4 ,to stand with the arms a-kimbo1 the hands on the hips1 or with the arms crossed1 while conversing1 is exceedingly unlady-like4 ,avoid restless movements either with the hands1 or feet2 to sit perfectly quiet1 without stiffness1 easily1 yet at the same time almost motionless1 is one of the surest proofs of high-breeding4 ,if you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one1 talk as much as you please about his or her affairs1 and as little as possible about your own4 ,avoid passing before persons seated in the same room with yourself4 ,if you must rise to move from place to place1 endeavor to pass behind the chairs of your companions4 ,above all1 never pass between two persons who are conversing together4 ,avoid personal remarks2 they evince a want of judgment1 good taste1 kindness1 and politeness4 ,to exchange glances or significant smiles with a third person1 whilst engaged in a conversation with a second1 is a proof of low-breeding4 ,suppressed laughter1 shrugging of the shoulders1 rolling of the eyes1 and significant glances are all marks of ill-breeding4 ,if you meet a gentleman at the foot of a flight of stairs1 do not go up before him4 ,stop1 bow1 and motion to him to precede you4 ,he will return your bow1 and run up1 leaving you to follow him4 ,never whisper1 or make any confidential communication in company4 ,keep private remarks for private occasions4 ,accepting presents from gentlemen is a dangerous thing4 ,it is better to avoid any such obligations1 and1 if you make it a rule never to accept such presents1 you will avoid hurting any one's feelings1 and save yourself from all further perplexity4 ,in meeting your elderly friends in the street1 look at them long enough to give them an opportunity of recognizing you2 and if they do so1 return their salutations respectfully1 not with the familiar nod you would give to one of your own age4 ,never remain seated1 whilst a person older than yourself is standing before you1 talking to you4 ,never lounge on a sofa1 while there are those in the room1 whose years give them a better claim to this sort of indulgence4 ,never tease a person to do what she has once declined4 ,never refuse a request or invitation in order to be urged1 and accept afterwards4 ,comply at once4 ,if the request is sincere1 you will thus afford gratification2 if not1 the individual making it deserves to be punished for insincerity1 by being taken at her word4 ,it is not polite when asked what part of a dish you will have1 to say1 ,any part--it is quite indifferent to me2 it is hard enough to carve for one's friends1 without choosing for them4 ,it is not polite to entertain a visitor with your own family history1 or the events of your own household4 ,it is not polite for married ladies to talk1 in the presence of gentlemen1 of the difficulty they have in procuring domestics1 and how good-for-nothing they are when procured4 ,it is not polite to put food upon the plate of a guest without asking leave1 or to press her to eat more than she wants4 ,it is not polite to stare under ladies' bonnets1 as if you suspected they had stolen the linings from you1 or wore something that was not their own4 ,never affect a foolish reserve in a mixed company1 keeping aloof from others as if in a state of mental abstraction4 ,if your brain is so full and so busy that you cannot attend to the little civilities1 cheerful chit-chat1 and light amusements of society1 keep out of it4 ,never read in company4 ,you may open a book to look over the engravings1 if you will1 but do not attend to the letter-press until you are alone4 ,never jest upon serious subjects4 ,avoid scandal4 ,if another person attempts to open a conversation upon scandalous matters1 check her4 ,say gravely that it is painful for you to hear of the faults or misfortunes of others1 where your counsel and assistance can be of no service4 ,many persons1 whose tongues never utter a scandalous word1 will1 by a significant glance1 a shrug of the shoulders1 a sneer1 or curl of the lip1 really make more mischief1 and suggest harder thoughts than if they used the severest language4 ,this is utterly detestable4 ,if you have your tongue under perfect control1 you can also control your looks1 and you are cowardly1 contemptible1 and wicked1 when you encourage and countenance slander by a look or gesture4 ,never speak of gentlemen by their first name unless you are related to them4 ,it is very unlady-like to use the surname1 without the prefix1 ,mr4 ,to hear a lady speak of ,smith1 ,brown1 ,anderson1 instead of ,mr4 ,anderson or ,mr4 ,smith sounds extremely vulgar1 and is a mark of low breeding4 ,avoid eccentricity either in dress1 conversation1 or manner4 ,it is a form of vanity1 as it will attract attention1 and is therefore in bad taste4 ,never act as if in a hurry4 ,ease of action need not imply laziness1 but simply polite self-possession4 ,never laugh at your own wit4 ,that is the part of those who hear you1 and if you take their duty from them1 they may omit to join you in your laugh4 ,do not indulge in ridicule4 ,it is coarse and unlady-like as well as unfeeling4 ,like every other personality1 it should be carefully avoided4 ,never handle any ornament or article of furniture in the room in which you are a visitor4 ,do not lean your head against the wall4 ,you leave an indelible mark upon the paper1 or1 if the wall is whitewashed1 you give your hair a dingy1 dusty look1 by bringing it into contact with the lime4 ,never lean forward upon a table4 ,let neither hands nor arms rest there heavily4 ,to bestow flattery upon a person to his face1 betrays a want of delicacy2 yet1 not less so1 rudely to rebuke his errors or mention his faults1 and not have a tender regard for his feelings4 ,it is not improper1 and may sometimes be very kind to mention to an individual what yourself and others think of his conduct or performances1 when it is for his interest or usefulness to know it4 ,to express to a friend deserved approbation is generally proper4 ,nothing but a quick perception of the feelings of others1 and a ready sympathy with them1 can regulate the thousand little proprieties that belong to visits of condolence and congratulation4 ,there is one hint1 however1 as regards the former1 which may perhaps be useful1 and that is1 not to touch upon the cause of affliction1 unless the mourner leads the way to it2 and if a painful effort is made to appear cheerful1 and to keep aloof from the subject1 do not make the slightest allusion that could increase this feeling4 ,when at table to press your guests to take more than they have inclination for1 is antiquated and rude4 ,this does not1 however1 prevent your recommending particular dishes to their attention4 ,everything like compulsion is quite exploded4 ,it is a great mistake to suppose that the best music is the most difficult of execution4 ,the very reverse1 generally speaking1 is the case4 ,music of a high order certainly demands high gifts and attainments on the part of the performer4 ,but the gifts of nature may be possessed by the amateur as well as by the professor2 and the attainments of art may be the result of moderate study and application4 ,a young lady possessed of a sweet and tunable voice1 a good ear1 intelligence1 and feeling1 may cultivate music in its grandest and most beautiful forms1 and may render its practice a source of the purest enjoyment1 not only to herself but to her domestic and social circle4 ,the various ceremonies observed in refined society are very useful in settling little points1 on which there might otherwise be much doubt and perplexity2 but they should never be so strenuously insisted upon as to make an accidental omission of them a ground of resentment1 and an apology should always be accepted in their place4 ,your enjoyment of a party depends far less on what you find there1 than on what you carry with you4 ,the vain1 the ambitious1 the designing1 will be full of anxiety when they go1 and of disappointment when they return4 ,a short triumph will be followed by a deep mortification1 and the selfishness of their aims defeats itself4 ,if you go to see1 and to hear1 and to make the best of whatever occurs1 with a disposition to admire all that is beautiful1 and to sympathize in the pleasures of others1 you can hardly fail to spend the time pleasantly4 ,the less you think of yourself and your claims to attention1 the better4 ,if you are much attended to1 receive it modestly1 and consider it as a happy accident2 if you are little noticed1 use your leisure in observing others4 ,it were unjust and ungrateful to conceive that the amusements of life are altogether forbidden by its beneficent ,author4 ,they serve1 on the contrary1 important purposes in the economy of human life1 and are destined to produce important effects both upon our happiness and character4 ,they are1 in the first place1 in the language of the ,psalmist1 the wells of the desert2 the kind resting-places in which toil may relax1 in which the weary spirit may recover its tone1 and where the desponding mind may resume its strength and its hopes4 ,it is not1 therefore1 the use of the innocent amusements of life which is dangerous1 but the abuse of them2 it is not when they are occasionally1 but when they are constantly pursued2 and when1 from being an occasional indulgence1 it becomes an habitual desire4 ,women in the middle rank are brought up with the idea that if they engage in some occupations1 they shall lose their position in society4 ,suppose it to be so2 surely it is wiser to quit a position we cannot honestly maintain1 than to live dependent upon the bounty and caprice of others2 better to labor with our hands1 than eat the bread of idleness2 or submit to feel that we must not give utterance to our real opinions1 or express our honest indignation at being required to act a base or unworthy part4 ,and in all cases1 however situated1 every female ought to learn how all household affairs are managed1 were it only for the purpose of being able to direct others4 ,there cannot be any disgrace in learning how to make the bread we eat1 to cook our dinners1 to mend our clothes1 or even to clean the house4 ,better to be found busily engaged in removing the dust from the furniture1 than to let it accumulate there until a visitor leaves palpable traces where his hat or his arm have been laid upon a table4 ,never put temptation in a servant's way2 never be severe for trifling offences1 such as accidentally breaking anything1 but reserve your severity for those offences which are moral evils1 such as a want of truth1 general laxity of principle1 c4 ,the orders given to servants should be clear and definite2 and they should be trained as much as possible to perform their duties regularly1 so that every morning they may know pretty nearly what will be expected of them during the day4 ,it is a great point to live1 when you are alone1 as if you expected company2 that is to say1 to have everything so neat and orderly that you need not be ashamed of any one seeing your table4 ,it is very little more trouble1 and certainly no more expense2 and the advantages in point of comfort are unspeakable4 ,if a foolish girl1 by dint of squeezing and bracing with busk and bones1 secures the conventional beauty of a wasp waist1 she is tolerably certain to gain an addition she by no means bargained for1 a red nose1 which1 in numberless instances1 is produced by no other cause than the unnatural girth1 obstructing circulation1 and causing stagnation of the blood1 in that prominent and important feature4 ,often1 in assemblages of the fair1 we have seen noses faultless in form1 but tinged with the abhorred hue1 to which washes and cosmetics have been applied in wild despair2 but in vain6 ,if the lovely owners had known the cause1 how speedily the effect would have vanished6 for surely the most perverse admirer of a distorted spine and compressed lungs1 would deem the acquisition of a dram-drinker's nose1 too heavy a condition to be complied with4 ,a well-bred woman will not demand as a right what she may have a claim to expect from the politeness of the other sex1 nor show dissatisfaction and resentment if she fancies herself neglected4 ,for want of good breeding some females are exorbitant in their expectations1 and appear unthankful even when everything is done which true politeness demands4 ,young women should guard against this unamiable defect4 ,a well-bred person will take care not to use slang words and expressions4 ,there never has been a time1 at least in late years1 when there have not been some two or three cant vulgarisms in vogue among all the blackguards of the country4 ,sometimes these phrases have been caught up from some popular song or farce2 sometimes1 we believe1 they have had their origin where assembles the collective wisdom of the country4 ,a dozen of these terse but meaningless sayings now dance before our recollection1 for who has not heard them1 even to loathing8 ,but from whatever source they may have been drawn1 or whatever wit there might be in their original position1 the obtrusion of them into decent society is an unwarrantable piece of impertinence4 ,a habit of inserting into familiar conversation such phrases as ,you know1 ,you perceive1 ,you understand1 ,says he1 ,says she1 is1 so far as those matters extend1 a sign of a want of good breeding4 ,with regard to any specific rules for dressing1 we do not pretend to arbitrate in such matters4 ,let a true sense of propriety1 of the fitness of things1 regulate all your habits of living and dressing1 and it will produce such a beautiful harmony and consistency of character as will throw a charm around you that all will feel1 though few may comprehend4 ,always consider well whether the articles of dress1 which you wish to purchase1 are suited to your age1 your condition1 your means2 to the climate1 to the particular use to which you mean to put them2 and let the principles of good taste keep you from the extremes of the fashion1 and regulate the form1 so as to combine utility and beauty1 whilst the known rules of harmony in colors save you from shocking the eye of the artist by incongruous mixtures4 ,manners1 says the eloquent ,edmund ,burke1 are of more importance than laws4 ,upon them1 in a great measure1 the laws depend4 ,the law can touch us here and there1 now and then4 ,manners are what vex or sooth1 corrupt or purify1 exalt or debase1 barbarise or refine1 by a constant1 steady1 uniform1 insensible operation1 like that of the air we breathe in4 ,they give their whole form and colors to our lives4 ,according to their quality they aid morals1 they supply them1 or they totally destroy them4 ,,four ,,important ,,rules4 ,order is heaven's first law4 #a4 ,a suitable place for everything1 and everything in its place4 #b4 ,a proper time for everything1 and everything done in its time4 #c4 ,a distinct name for everything1 and everything called by its name4 #d4 ,a certain use for everything1 and everything put to its use4 ,much time would be saved2 many disputes avoided2 numerous articles kept from being lost or injured1 and constant confusion and disorder prevented1 by the strict observance of these four important rules4 ,dispense with ornaments altogether rather than wear mock jewelry4 ,depend upon it1 silvery hair is better adapted to the faded cheeks of middle age1 than are tresses of nut-brown or coal-black1 or any of the mysterious shades produced by a dirty decoction called ,hair-dye4 ,the habitual use of very thin shoes invariably makes the feet tender1 and a host of other inconveniences arise therefrom4 ,if you are tempted to purchase tight shoes1 don't1 for several reasons2 but one may suffice--you will not wear them more than twice4 ,if you are not quite certain of the line between neatness and the reverse1 be over-scrupulous about your under garments4 ,the edge of a soiled petticoat1 or the glimpse of a rent stocking is singularly disenchanting4 ,men of sense--,i speak not of boys of eighteen to five and twenty1 during their age of detestability--men who are worth the trouble of falling in love with1 and the fuss and inconvenience1 of being married to1 and to whom one might1 after some inward conflicts1 and a course perhaps of fasting and self-humiliation1 submit to fulfil those ill-contrived vows of obedience which are exacted at the altar1 such men want1 for their wives1 companions1 not dolls2 and women who would suit such men are just as capable of loving fervently1 deeply1 as the ,ringlettina1 full of song and sentiment1 who cannot walk1 cannot rise in the morning1 cannot tie her bonnet-strings1 faints if she has to lace her boots1 never in her life brushed out her beautiful hair1 would not for the world prick her delicate finger with plain sewing2 but who can work harder than a factory girl upon a lamb's-wool shepherdess1 dance like a dervise at balls1 ride like a fox-hunter1 and1 whilst every breath of air gives her cold in her father's house1 and she cannot think how people can endure this climate1 she can go out to parties in ,february and ,march1 with an inch of sleeve and half-a-quarter of boddice4 ,all circumstances well examined1 there can be no doubt ,providence has willed that man should be the head of the human race1 even as woman is its heart2 that he should be its strength1 as she is its solace2 that he should be its wisdom1 as she is its grace2 that he should be its mind1 its impetus1 and its courage1 as she is its sentiment1 its charm1 and its consolation4 ,too great an amelioration could not be effected1 in our opinion1 in the system generally adopted1 which1 far from correcting or even compensating the presumed intellectual inequality of the two sexes1 generally serves only to increase it4 ,by placing1 for example1 dancing and needle-work at the extreme poles of female study1 the one for its attraction and the other for its utility1 and by not filling the immense interval with anything more valuable than mere monotonous1 imperfect1 superficial1 and totally unphilosophical notions1 this system has made of the greater number of female seminaries1 establishments which may be compared alike to nursery-grounds for coquettes and sempstresses4 ,it is never remembered that in domestic life conversation is of more importance than the needle or choregraphy2 that a husband is neither a pacha nor a lazzarone1 who must be perpetually intoxicated or unceasingly patched2 that there are upon the conjugal dial many long hours of calm intimacy1 of cool contemplation1 of cold tenderness2 and that the husband makes another home elsewhere if his own hearth offers him only silence2 or what is a hundred times worse1 merely frivolous and monotonous discourse4 ,let the woman play the gossip at a given moment1 that is all very well2 let her superintend the laundry or the kitchen at another1 that is also very well2 but these duties only comprise two-thirds of her mission4 ,ought care not to be taken that during the rest of her time she could also be capable of becoming to her husband a rational friend1 a cheerful partner1 an interesting companion1 or1 at least1 an efficient listener1 whose natural intelligence1 even if originally inferior to his own1 shall1 by the help of education1 have been raised to the same level6 ,pascal says3 ,kind words do not cost much4 ,they never blister the tongue or lips4 ,and we have never heard of any mental trouble arising from this quarter4 ,though they do not cost much4 #a4 ,they help one's own good nature4 ,soft words soften our own soul4 ,angry words are fuel to the flame of wrath1 and make it blaze more fiercely4 #b4 ,kind words make other people good natured4 ,cold words freeze people1 and hot words scorch them1 and bitter words make them bitter1 and wrathful words make them wrathful4 ,there is such a rush of all other kinds of words in our days1 that it seems desirable to give kind words a change among them4 ,there are vain words1 and idle words1 and hasty words1 and spiteful words1 and silly words1 and empty words1 and profane words1 and boisterous words1 and warlike words4 ,kind words also produce their own image on men's souls4 ,and a beautiful image it is4 ,they smooth1 and quiet1 and comfort the hearer4 ,they shame him out of his sour1 morose1 unkind feelings4 ,we have not yet begun to use kind words in such abundance as they ought to be used4 ,a writer in the ,new ,york ,observer1 speaking of the necessity of guarding the tongue1 says3-- ,it is always well to avoid saying everything that is improper2 but it is especially so before children4 ,and here parents1 as well as others1 are often in fault4 ,children have as many ears as grown persons1 and they are generally more attentive to what is said before them4 ,what they hear1 they are very apt to repeat2 and1 as they have no discretion1 and not sufficient knowledge of the world to disguise anything1 it is generally found that 'children and fools speak the truth4' ,see that boy's eyes glisten while you are speaking of a neighbor in a language you would not wish to have repeated4 ,he does not fully understand what you mean1 but he will remember every word2 and it will be strange if he does not cause you to blush by the repetition4 ,a gentleman was in the habit of calling at a neighbor's house1 and the lady had always expressed to him great pleasure from his calls4 ,one day1 just after she had remarked to him1 as usual1 her happiness from his visit1 her little boy entered the room4 ,the gentleman took him on his knee1 and asked1 ',are you not glad to see me1 ,george8' ',no1 sir1' replied the boy4 ',why not1 my little man8' he continued4 ',because mother don't want you to come1' said ,george4 ',indeed6 how do you know that1 ,george8' ,here the mother became crimson1 and looked daggers at her little son4 ,but he saw nothing1 and therefore replied1 ',because1 she said yesterday1 she wished that old bore would not call here again4' ,that was enough4 ,the gentleman's hat was soon in requisition1 and he left with the impression that 'great is the truth1 and it will prevail4' ,another little child looked sharply in the face of a visitor1 and being asked what she meant by it1 replied1 ',i wanted to see if you had a drop in your eye2 ,i heard mother say you had frequently4' ,a boy once asked one of his father's guests who it was that lived next door to him1 and when he heard his name1 inquired if he was not a fool4 ',no1 my little friend1' replied the guest1 'he is not a fool1 but a very sensible man4 ,but why did you ask that question8' ',because1' replied the boy1 'mother said the other day1 that you were next door to a fool2 and ,i wanted to know who lived next door to you4' ,the best way to overcome the selfishness and rudeness you sometimes meet with on public occasions1 is1 by great politeness and disinterestedness on your part2 overcome evil with good1 and you will satisfy your own conscience1 and1 perhaps1 touch theirs4 ,contending for your rights stirs up the selfish feelings in others2 but a readiness to yield them awakens generous sentiments1 and leads to mutual accommodation4 ,the more refined you are1 and the greater have been your advantages1 the more polite and considerate you should be toward others1 the more ready to give place to some poor1 uneducated girl1 who knows no better than to push herself directly in your way4 ,politeness is as necessary to a happy intercourse with the inhabitants of the kitchen1 as with those of the parlor2 it lessens the pains of service1 promotes kind feelings on both sides1 and checks unbecoming familiarity2 always thank them for what they do for you1 and always ask rather than command their services4 ,of late years1 the wearing of jewelry1 in season and out of season1 both by matrons and unmarried females1 has increased vastly4 ,it is an indication that the growing wealth of the people is not accompanied by a corresponding refinement2 but that the love of vulgar show1 the low pride of ostentation1 takes the place of a pure and elevated taste4 ,the emulation with fashionable dames1 now-a-days1 so far from being1 as with the ,spartan women1 to excel each other in household virtues1 is to wear the largest diamonds4 ,and1 in this ambition1 they forget fitness1 beauty1 taste1 everything but the mere vulgar desire to shine4 ,to be gracefully and elegantly attired1 in short1 is secondary to the desire to be a sort of jeweler's walking show-card4 ,we do not oppose the use of diamonds and pearls altogether1 as some persons might imagine from these remarks4 ,a few diamonds1 judiciously worn1 look well1 on proper occasions1 on married women4 ,but young girls rarely1 or never1 improve their appearance by the use of these dazzling jewels2 and1 as a general rule1 the simpler the costume of a woman in her teens1 the better4 ,women are usually pretty1 up to the age of twenty1 at least4 ,consequently1 at this period of life1 there are few whom an elaborate attire does not injure2 a simple dress1 or a rose-bud in the hair1 is frequently all that is required2 and more only spoils that combination of youthfulness1 grace1 and modesty1 which it should be the highest ambition of the girl to attain2 because1 if she did but know it1 it is her highest charm4 ,instead of this1 however1 we see gay females1 scarcely freed from the nursery1 wearing enormous jeweled ear-drops1 or sporting on the finger1 a diamond ring as large as a sixpence4 ,sometimes1 too1 ladies pretending to be well-bred1 descend to receive a morning visitor of their own sex1 glittering like a jeweler's case1 with costly gems4 ,in all this1 we repeat1 there is neither refinement nor elegance1 but simply vulgar ostentation4 ,female dress has ceased to be a means of beautifying the person or displaying the wearer's taste1 and has become instead1 a mere brag of the husband's or father's wealth4 ,a knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to a woman4 ,every one of the sex ought to know how to sew1 and knit1 and mend1 and cook1 and superintend a household4 ,in every situation of life1 high or low1 this sort of knowledge is of great advantage4 ,there is no necessity that the gaining of such information should interfere with intellectual acquirement or even elegant accomplishment4 ,a well-regulated mind can find time to attend to all4 ,when a girl is nine or ten years old1 she should be accustomed to take some regular share in household duties1 and to feel responsible for the manner in which her part is performed--such as her own mending1 washing the cups and putting them in place1 cleaning silver1 or dusting and arranging the parlor4 ,this should not be done occasionally1 and neglected whenever she finds it convenient--she should consider it her department4 ,when older than twelve1 girls should begin to take turns in superintending the household--making puddings1 pies1 cakes1 c4 ,to learn effectually1 they should actually do these themselves1 and not stand by and see others do them4 ,many a husband has been ruined for want of these domestic qualities in a wife--and many a husband has been saved from ruin by his wife being able to manage well the household concerns4 ,it is a mark1 not only of ill-breeding1 but of positive want of feeling and judgment1 to speak disparagingly of a physician to one of his patients4 ,many persons1 visiting an invalid friend1 will exclaim loudly against the treatment pursued1 recommend a different doctor1 and add to the sufferings of the patient by their injudicious remarks upon the medicines or practice used4 ,it is too much the fashion1 in conversation1 to use exaggerated expressions which are opposed to truth1 without the person employing them being aware of it1 from the mere force of habit4 ,why need we say splendid for pretty1 magnificent for handsome1 horrid for unpleasant1 immense for large1 thousands1 or myriads1 for any number more than two8 ,this practice is pernicious1 for the effect is to deprive the person who is guilty of it1 from being believed1 when she is in earnest4 ,no one can trust the testimony of an individual who1 in common conversation1 is indifferent to the import1 and regardless of the value of words4 ,politeness is very essential to the right transaction of that great business of woman's life1 shopping4 ,the variety afforded by the shops of a city renders people difficult to please2 and the latitude they take in examining and asking the price of goods1 which they have no thought of buying1 is so trying to the patience of those who attend upon them1 that nothing but the most perfect courtesy of demeanor can reconcile them to it4 ,some persons behave1 in shopping1 as if no one had any rights1 or any feelings1 but the purchasers2 as if the sellers of goods were mere automatons1 put behind the counter to do their bidding2 they keep them waiting1 whilst they talk of other things1 with a friend2 they call for various goods1 ask the price1 and try to cheapen them1 without any real intention of buying4 ,a lady who wants decision of character1 after hesitating and debating1 till the poor trader's patience is almost exhausted1 will beg him to send the article to her house1 for her to examine it there2 and1 after giving him all this trouble1 she will refuse to purchase it1 without any scruple or apology4 ,some think they have a right to exchange articles at the place where they were bought2 whereas that privilege should be asked as a favor1 only by a good customer1--and then but rarely4 ,,receipts4 ,,for ,,the ,,complexion4 ,,cold ,,cream1 #a4--,take #b-a_/b ounces of sweet oil of almonds1 #c drachms of white wax1 and the same of spermaceti1 #b-a_/b ounces of rose-water1 #a drachm of oil of bergamot1 and #ae drops each of oil of lavender1 and otto of roses4 ,melt the wax and spermaceti in the oil of almonds1 by placing them together in a jar1 which should be plunged into boiling water4 ,heat a mortar 7which should1 if possible1 be marble7 by pouring boiling water into it1 and letting it remain there until the mortar is uniformly heated2 the water is to be poured away1 and the mortar dried well4 ,pour the melted wax and spermaceti into the warm mortar1 and add rose-water gradually1 while the mixture is constantly stirred or whisked with an egg-whisp1 until the whole is cold1 and1 when nearly finished1 add the oils and otto of roses4 ,in the absence of a mortar1 a basin plunged into another containing boiling water will answer the purpose4 ,,cold ,,cream1 #b4--,take #aj drachms of spermaceti1 #d drachms of white wax1 half a pound of prepared lard1 #ae grains of subcarbonate of potash1 #d ounces of rose-water1 #b ounces of spirits of wine1 and ten drops of otto of roses4 ,proceed as above4 ,some persons prefer orange-flower-water instead of rose-water1 in which case use the same proportions4 ,cold cream is a useful local application to hard and dry parts of the skin1 to abrasions and cracks4 ,when spread thickly upon rag1 it is an excellent application to blistered surfaces or burns1 or may be used to protect exposed parts from the influence of the sun4 ,,granulated ,,cold ,,cream4--,take white wax and spermaceti1 of each one ounce2 almond oil #c ounces1 otto of rose1 as much as you please4 ,dissolve the wax and spermaceti in the almond oil1 by means of heat1 and when a little cool1 pour the mixture into a large wedgwood mortar previously warmed1 and containing about a pint of warm water4 ,stir briskly until the cream is well divided1 add the otto1 and suddenly pour the whole into a clean vessel containing #h or #ab pints of cold water4 ,separate the cream by straining through muslin1 and shake out as much water as possible4 ,,white ,,camphorated ,,ointment1 #a4--,take #c ounces #b drachms of powdered carbonate of lead 7cerussa71 #de grains of powdered camphor4 ,mix1 and then stir into #e ounces of melted lard4 ,this is applied to burns and contusions with very good effect1 and is much used in ,austria4 ,the surface must not be abraded when it is applied4 ,,white ,,camphorated ,,ointment1 #b4--,take #d ounces of olive oil1 #a ounce of white wax1 #bb grains of camphor1 and #f drachms of spermaceti4 ,melt the wax and spermaceti with the oil1 and when they have cooled rub the ointment with the camphor1 dissolved in a little oil4 ,sometimes the white wax is omitted1 and lard substituted for it4 ,it is useful in chaps1 fissures1 abrasions1 and roughness of the skin4 ,,pitch ,,pomade1 #a4--,take #a drachm of pitch1 and #a ounce of lard4 ,mix well1 and apply twice a day to the affected parts4 ,this is used for ringworm1 and scald head4 ,,to ,,soften ,,the ,,skin1 ,,and ,,improve ,,the ,,complexion4--,if flowers of sulphur be mixed in a little milk1 and1 after standing an hour or two1 the milk 7without disturbing the sulphur7 be rubbed into the skin1 it will keep it soft1 and make the complexion clear4 ,it is to be used before washing4 ,,to ,,remove ,,black ,,stains ,,from ,,the ,,skin4--,ladies that wear mourning in warm weather are much incommoded by the blackness it leaves on the arms and neck1 and which cannot easily be removed1 even by soap and warm water4 ,to have a remedy always at hand1 keep1 in the drawer of your wash-stand1 a box1 containing a mixture in equal portions of cream of tartar1 and oxalic acid 7,,poison74 ,get1 at a druggist's1 half an ounce of each of these articles1 and have them mixed and pounded together in a mortar4 ,put some of this mixture into a cup that has a cover1 and if1 afterwards1 it becomes hard1 you may keep it slightly moistened with water4 ,see that it is always closely covered4 ,to use it1 wet the black stains on your skin with the corner of a towel1 dipped in water 7warm water is best1 but is not always at hand74 ,then1 with your finger1 rub on a little of the mixture4 ,then immediately wash it off with water1 and afterwards with soap and water1 and the black stains will be visible no longer4 ,this mixture will also remove ink1 and all other stains from the fingers1 and from white clothes4 ,it is more speedy in its effects if applied with warm water4 ,no family should be without it1 but care must be taken to keep it out of the way of young children1 as1 if swallowed1 it is poisonous4 ,,pastes4 ,,almond4--,take #a ounce of bitter almonds1 blanch and pound them to a fine powder1 then add #a ounce of barley flour1 and make it into a smooth paste by the addition of a little honey4 ,when this paste is laid over the skin1 particularly where there are freckles1 it makes it smooth and soft4 ,,palatine4--,take #h ounces of soft-soap1 of olive oil1 and spirits of wine1 each #d ounces1 #a-a_/b ounce of lemon-juice1 sufficient silver-sand to form into a thick paste1 and any perfume that is grateful to the person4 ,boil the oil and soap together in a pipkin1 and then gradually stir in the sand and lemon-juice4 ,when nearly cool add the spirit of wine1 and lastly the perfume4 ,make into a paste with the hands1 and place in jars or pots for use4 ,this paste is used instead of soap1 and is a valuable addition to the toilette1 as it preserves the skin from chapping1 and renders it smooth and soft4 ,,american ,,cosmetic ,,powder4--,calcined magnesia applied the same as ordinary toilette powders1 by means of a swan's-down ball1 usually called a puff4 ,,maloine4--,take #d ounces of powdered marsh-mallow roots1 #b ounces of powdered white starch1 #c drachms of powdered orris-root1 and #bj drops of essence of jasmine4 ,mix well1 and sift through fine muslin4 ,this is one of the most agreeable and elegant cosmetics yet known for softening and whitening the skin1 preserving it from chapping1 and being so simple that it may be applied to the most delicate or irritable skin4 ,this receipt has never before been published1 and we know that only six bottles of it have been made4 ,,oxide ,,of ,,zinc is sprinkled into chaps and fissures to promote their cure4 ,,yaoulta4--,take #a ounce of white starch1 powdered and sifted1 #a_/b a drachm of rose pink1 #aj drops of essence of jasmine1 and #b drops of otto of roses4 ,mix and keep in a fine muslin bag4 ,this exquisite powder is to be dusted over the face1 and1 being perfectly harmless1 may be used as often as necessity requires4 ,it also imparts a delicate rosy tinge to the skin preferable to rouge4 ,,creme ,,de ,l',,enclos4--,take #d ounces of milk1 #a ounce of lemon-juice1 and #b drachms of spirit of wine4 ,simmer over a slow fire1 and then bring it to the boil1 skim off the scum1 and when cold apply it to the skin4 ,it is much used by some persons to remove freckles and sun-burnings4 ,,washes ,,and ,,lotions4 ,,milk ,,of ,,roses1 #a4--,take #b ounces of blanched almonds2 #ab ounces of rose-water2 white soft-soap1 or ,windsor soap2 white wax2 and oil of almonds1 of each #b drachms2 rectified spirit1 #c ounces2 oil of bergamot1 #a drachm2 oil of lavender1 #ae drops2 otto of roses1 #h drops4 ,beat the almonds well1 and then add the rose-water gradually so as to form an emulsion1 mix the soap1 white wax1 and oil together1 by placing them in a covered jar upon the edge of the fire-place1 then rub this mixture in a mortar with the emulsion4 ,strain the whole through very fine muslin1 and add the essential oils1 previously mixed with the spirit4 ,this is an excellent wash for sunburns1 freckles1 or for cooling the face and neck1 or any part of the skin to which it is applied4 ,,milk ,,of ,,roses1 #b4--,this is not quite so expensive a receipt as the last2 and1 at the same time is not so good4 ,take #a ounce of ,jordan almonds2 #e ounces of distilled rose-water2 #a ounce of spirit of wine2 #a_/b a drachm of ,venetian soap1 and #b drops of otto of roses4 ,beat the almonds 7previously blanched and well dried with a cloth7 in a mortar1 until they become a complete paste1 then beat the soap and mix with the almonds1 and afterwards add the rose-water and spirit4 ,strain through a very fine muslin or linen1 and add the otto of roses4 ,the common milk of roses sold in the shops1 frequently contains salt of tartar1 or pearlash1 combined with olive oil and rose-water1 and therefore it is better to make it yourself to ensure it being good4 ,,french ,,milk ,,of ,,roses4--,mix #b-a_/b pints of rose-water with #a_/b a pint of rosemary-water1 then add tincture of storax and tincture of benzoin1 of each #b ounces2 and esprit de rose1 #a_/b an ounce4 ,this is a useful wash for freckles4 ,,german ,,milk ,,of ,,roses4--,take of rose-water and milk of almonds1 each #c ounces2 water #h ounces2 rosemary-water #b ounces2 and spirit of lavender #a_/b an ounce4 ,mix well1 and then add #a_/b an ounce of sugar of lead4 ,this is a dangerous form to leave about where there are children1 and should never be applied when there are any abrasions1 or chaps on the surface4 ,,milk ,,of ,,almonds4--,blanch #d ounces of ,jordan almonds1 dry them with a towel1 and then pound them in a mortar2 add #b drachms of white or curd soap1 and rub it up with the almonds for about ten minutes or rather more1 gradually adding one quart of rose-water1 until the whole is well mixed1 then strain through a fine piece of muslin1 and bottle for use4 ,this is an excellent remedy for freckles and sunburns1 and may be used as a general cosmetic1 being applied to the skin after washing by means of the corner of a soft towel4 ,,anti-,,freckle ,,lotion1 #a4--,take tincture of benzoin1 #b ounces2 tincture of tolu1 #a ounce2 oil of rosemary1 #a_/b a drachm4 ,mix well and bottle4 ,when required to be used1 add a teaspoonful of the mixture to about a wine-glassful of water1 and apply the lotion to the face or hands1 c41 night and morning1 carefully rubbing it in with a soft towel4 ,,anti-,,freckle ,,lotion1 #b4--,take #a ounce of rectified spirit of wine2 #a drachm of hydrochloric acid 7spirit of salt72 and #g ounces of water4 ,mix the acid gradually with the water1 and then add the spirit of wine2 apply by means of a camel's-hair brush1 or a piece of flannel4 ,,gowland',s ,,lotion4--,take #a-a_/b grains of bichloride of mercury1 and #a ounce of emulsion of bitter almonds2 mix well4 ,be careful of the bichloride of mercury1 because it is a poison4 ,this is one of the best cosmetics for imparting a delicate appearance and softness to the skin1 and is a useful lotion in acne1 ringworm1 hard and dry skin1 and sun-blisterings4 ,,cold ,,cream4--,sweet almond oil1 #g lbs4 by weight1 white wax1 #c_/d lb41 spermaceti1 #c_/d lb41 clarified mutton suet1 #a lb41 rose-water1 #g pints1 spirits of wine1 #a pint4 ,directions to mix the above3--,place the oil1 wax1 spermaceti1 and suet in a large jar2 cover it over tightly1 then place it in a saucepan of boiling water1 7having previously placed two or more pieces of fire-wood at the bottom of the saucepan1 to allow the water to get underneath the jar1 and to prevent its breaking7 keep the water boiling round the jar till all the ingredients are dissolved2 take it out of the water1 and pour it into a large pan previously warmed and capable of holding #ba pints2 then1 with a wooden spatula1 stir in the rose-water1 cold1 as quickly as possible1 7dividing it into three or four parts1 at most17 the stirring in of which should not occupy above five minutes1 as after a certain heat the water will not mix4 ,when all the water is in1 stir unremittingly for thirty minutes longer1 to prevent its separating1 then add the spirits of wine1 and the scent1 and it is finished4 ,keep it in a cold place1 in a white glazed jar1 and do not cut it with a steel knife1 as it causes blackness at the parts of contact4 ,scent with otto of roses and essential oil of bergamot to fancy4 ,for smaller quantities1 make ounces instead of pounds4 ,,palm ,,soap4--,i make it in the following manner3--,cut thin two pounds of yellow soap into a double saucepan1 occasionally stirring it till it is melted1 which will be in a few minutes if the water is kept boiling around it2 then add quarter of a pound of palm oil1 quarter of a pound of honey1 three pennyworth of true oil of cinnamon2 let all boil together another six or eight minutes2 pour out and stand it by till next day2 it is then fit for immediate use4 ,if made as these directions it will be found to be a very superior soap4 ,,cure ,,for ,,chapped ,,hands4--,take #c drachms of gum camphor1 #c drachms of white beeswax1 #c drachms of spermaceti1 #b ounces of olive oil1--put them together in a cup upon the stove1 where they will melt slowly and form a white ointment in a few minutes4 ,if the hands be affected1 anoint them on going to bed1 and put on a pair of gloves4 ,a day or two will suffice to heal them4 ,,to ,,whiten ,,the ,,nails4--,diluted sulphuric acid1 #b drachms2 tincture of myrrh1 #a drachm2 spring water1 #d ounces4 ,mix4 ,first cleanse with white soap1 and then dip the fingers into the mixture4 ,,to ,,whiten ,,the ,,hands4--,take a wine-glassful of eau de ,cologne1 and another of lemon-juice2 then scrape two cakes of brown ,windsor soap to a powder1 and mix well in a mould4 ,when hard1 it will be an excellent soap for whitening the hands4 ,,for ,,the ,,teeth4 ,,to ,,remove ,,tartar ,,from ,,the ,,teeth4--#ast4 ,the use of the tooth-brush night and morning1 and1 at least1 rinsing the mouth after every meal at which animal food is taken4 #bnd4 ,once daily run the brush lightly two or three times over soap1 then dip it in salt1 and with it clean the teeth1 working the brush up and down rather than--or as well as--backwards and forwards4 ,this is a cheap1 safe1 and effectual dentrifice4 #crd4 ,eat freely of common cress1 the sort used with mustard1 under the name of small salad2 it must be eaten with salt only4 ,if thus used two or three days in succession it will effectually loosen tartar1 even of long standing4 ,the same effect is produced1 though perhaps not in an equal degree1 by eating strawberries and raspberries1 especially the former4 ,a leaf of common green sage rubbed on the teeth is useful both in cleansing and polishing1 and probably many other common vegetable productions also4 ,,care ,,of ,,the ,,teeth4--,the water with which the teeth are cleansed should be what is called lukewarm4 ,they should be well but gently brushed both night and morning2 the brush should be neither too hard nor too soft4 ,the best tooth-powders are made from cuttle-fish1 prepared chalk1 and orris-root commingled together in equal quantities4 ,,simple ,,means ,,of ,,removing ,,tartar ,,from ,,the ,,teeth4--,in these summer months1 tartar may be effectually removed from the teeth1 by partaking daily of strawberries4 ,,tooth ,,powder4--,powdered orris-root1 #a_/b an ounce2 powdered charcoal1 #b ounces1 powdered ,peruvian bark1 #a ounce2 prepared chalk1 #a_/b an ounce2 oil of bergamot1 or lavender1 #bj drops4 ,these ingredients must be well worked up in a mortar1 until thoroughly incorporated4 ,this celebrated tooth-powder possesses three essential virtues1 giving an odorous breath1 cleansing and purifying the gums1 and preserving the enamel2 the last rarely found in popular tooth-powders4 ,,tooth-,,powder4--,one of the best tooth-powders that can be used may be made by mixing together #a-a_/b ounces prepared chalk1 #a_/b ounce powder of bark1 and #a_/d ounce of camphor4 ,a ,,cheap ,,but ,,good ,,tooth-,,powder4--,cut a slice of bread as thick as may be1 into squares1 and burn in the fire until it becomes charcoal1 after which pound in a mortar1 and sift through a fine muslin2 it is then ready for use4 ,,cheap ,,and ,,invaluable ,,dentifrice4--,dissolve #b ounces of borax in three pints of water2 before quite cold1 add thereto one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrh1 and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor2 bottle the mixture for use4 ,one wine-glass of the solution1 added to half a pint of tepid water1 is sufficient for each application4 ,this solution1 applied daily1 preserves and beautifies the teeth1 extirpates all tartarous adhesion1 produces a pearl-like whiteness1 arrests decay1 and induces a healthy action in the gums4 ,,invaluable ,,dentifrice4--,dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of boiling water2 before quite cold1 add one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrrh1 and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor2 bottle the mixture for use4 ,one wine-glassful of this solution1 added to half a pint of tepid water1 is sufficient for each application4 ,,for ,,the ,,hair4 ,,loss ,,of ,,hair4--,the most simple remedy for loss of hair1 is friction to the scalp of the head1 using for the purpose an old tooth-brush1 or one of which the bristles have been softened by soaking in boiling water4 ,the shape of the instrument adapts it to be inserted readily and effectually between the hair1 where it should be rubbed backwards and forwards over the space of an inch or so at a time4 ,in addition to the friction1 which should be used once or twice a day1 the head may be showered once a day with cold water1 carefully drying it with soft1 spongy towels4 ,,pomatum4--,take of white mutton suet #d pounds1 well boiled in hot water1 7#c quarts17 and washed to free it from salt4 ,melt the suet1 when dried1 with #a-a_/b pounds of fresh lard1 and #b pounds of yellow wax4 ,pour into an earthen vessel1 and stir till it is cold2 then beat into it #cj drops of oil of cloves1 or any other essential oil whose scent you prefer4 ,if this kind of pomatum is too hard1 use less wax4 ,at times numbers of loose hairs come away in the brushing or combing4 ,such cases as these will generally be found remedial4 ,wilson recommends women with short hair to dip their heads into cold water every morning1 and afterwards apply the brush until a glow of warmth is felt all over the scalp4 ,those who have long hair are to brush it till the skin beneath becomes red1 when a lotion is to be applied1 as here specified4 ,eau de ,cologne #b oz4 ,tincture of ,cantharides #a_/b oz4 ,oil of ,nutmegs #a_/b drachm4 ,oil of ,lavender #aj drops4 ,to be well mixed together4 ,another is composed of3-- ,mezereon bark in small pieces #a oz4 ,horse-,radish root in small pieces #a oz4 ,boiling distilled ,vinegar #a_/b pint4 ,let this infusion stand for a week1 and then strain through muslin for use4 ,if irritating to the skin1 these lotions can be made weaker1 or less frequently applied than might otherwise be necessary4 ,either of them1 or distilled vinegar alone1 may be rubbed into a bald patch with a tooth-brush4 ,the same lotions may also be used if the hair is disposed to become gray too early2 as they invigorate the apparatus situated beneath the skin1 and enable it to take up coloring matter4 ,dyeing of the hair is a practice which ought never to be resorted to4 ,those who are unwilling or unable to discontinue the practice of applying some kind of dressing to the hair1 should1 at least1 content themselves with a simple1 yet good material4 ,the best olive oil is most suitable for the purpose1 scented with otto of roses or bergamot2 the latter1 as many persons know1 is the essence of a species of mint4 ,the same scents may also be used for pomatum1 which should be made of perfectly pure lard1 or marrow4 ,,hair ,,oils1 c4--,when used moderately1 oils1 ointments1 c41 tend to strengthen the hair1 especially when it is naturally dry4 ,when used in excess1 however1 they clog the pores1 prevent the escape of the natural secretions1 and cause the hair to wither and fall off4 ,the varieties of oils1 ,greases1 ointments1 rivaling each-other in their high sounding pretensions1 which are daily imposed upon public credulity1 are interminable4 ,we add one or two of the most simple4 ,,for ,,thickening ,,the ,,hair4--,to one ounce of ,palma ,christi oil1 add a sufficient quantity of bergamot or lavender to scent it4 ,apply it to the parts where it is most needed1 brushing it well into the hair4 ,,an ,,ointment ,,for ,,the ,,hair4--,mix two ounces of bear's grease1 half an ounce of honey1 one drachm of laudanum1 three drachms of the powder of southernwood1 three drachms of the balsam of ,peru1 one and a half drachms of the ashes of the roots of bulrushes1 and a small quantity of the oil of sweet almonds4 ,,macassar ,,oil4--,it is said to be compounded of the following ingredients3--,to three quarts of common oil1 add half-a-pint of spirits of wine1 three ounces of cinnamon powder1 and two ounces of bergamot2 heat the whole in a large pipkin4 ,on removing from the fire1 add three or four small pieces of alkanet root1 and keep the vessel closely covered for several hours4 ,when cool1 it may be filtered through a funnel lined with filtering paper4 ,whether oils are used or not1 the hair ought night and morning to be carefully and elaborately brushed4 ,this is one of the best preservatives of its beauty4 ,the following is recommended as an excellent ,hair ,oil3--,boil together half-a-pint of port wine1 one pint and a-half of sweet oil1 and half-a-pound of green southernwood4 ,strain the mixture through a linen rag several times2 adding1 at the last operation1 two ounces of bear's grease4 ,if fresh southernwood is added each time it passes through the linen1 the composition will be improved4 ,,pomade ,,victoria4--,this highly-praised and excellent pomade is made in the following way--and if so made1 will be found to give a beautiful gloss and softness to the hair3--,quarter of a-pound of honey and half-an-ounce of bees' wax simmered together for a few minutes and then strain4 ,add of oil of almonds1 lavender1 and thyme1 half-a-drachm each4 ,be sure to continue stirring till quite cold1 or the honey and wax will separate4 ,,lemon ,,pomatum4--,best lard1 two pounds2 suet1 half-a-pound2 dissolve with a gentle heat1 and mix them well together4 ,then add four ounces of orange-flower water1 and four ounces of rose-water1 and mix them well together before adding1 or they will separate4 ,having done this1 add a quarter of an ounce of essence of lemon2 half-a-drachm of musk1 and half-a-drachm of oil of thyme4 ,,to ,,color ,,pomatum4--,yellow1 by palm oil or annatto2 red1 by alkanet root2 and green1 by guaiacum1 or the green leaves of parsley4 ,,bandoline ,,for ,,the ,,hair1 7,a ,,french ,,receipt74--,to one quart of water put #a_/b ounce of quince pips1 boil it nearly an hour1 stirring it well1 strain it through a fine muslin1 let it stand twenty-four hours1 and then add fourteen drops of the essential oil of almonds4 ,a dessert-spoonful of brandy may be added1 if required to keep a long time4 ,,bandoline ,,for ,,the ,,hair4--,take of castor oil1 two ounces2 spermaceti1 one drachm2 oil of bergamot1 one drachm2 mix with heat and strain2 then beat in six drops otto of roses4 ,if wished colored1 add half-a-drachm of annatto4 ,,another4--,i furnish you with an excellent form of ,bandoline1 much more quickly made than others4 ,have a small packet of powdered gum dragon by you1 and when you require any fresh bandoline1 take a tea-spoonful of the powder1 and pour enough of boiling water on it to make a small bottle full4 ,scent with otto of roses4 ,,curling ,,fluid4--,place two pounds of common soap1 cut small1 into three pints of spirits of wine1 with eight ounces of potash1 and melt the whole1 stirring it with a clean piece of wood4 ,add1 on cooling1 essence of amber1 vanilla1 and neroli1 of each quarter of an ounce4 ,the best method of keeping ringlets in curl1 is the occasional application of the yolk of an egg1 and the hair1 afterwards1 well washed in lukewarm water4 ,apply the egg with a tooth or hair-brush4 ,,for ,,the ,,lips4 ,,very ,,excellent ,,lip-,,salve4--,take four ounces of butter1 fresh from the churn1 cut it small1 put it into a jar1 cover it with good rose-water1 and let it remain for four or five days2 then drain it well1 and put it into a small and very clean saucepan1 with one ounce of spermaceti1 and one of yellow beeswax sliced thin1 a quarter of an ounce of bruised alkanet root1 two drachms of gum benzoin1 and one of storax1 beaten to powder1 half an ounce of loaf sugar1 and the strained juice of a moderate sized lemon4 ,simmer these gently1 keeping them stirred all the time1 until the mixture looks very clear1 and sends forth a fine aromatic odour2 then strain it through a thin doubled muslin1 and stir to it from twelve to twenty drops of essential oil of roses1 and pour it into small gallipots1 from which it can easily be turned out when cold1 and then be rubbed against the lips1 which is the most pleasant way of using it1 as it is much firmer than common lip-salve1 and will be found more healing and infinitely more agreeable4 ,when butter cannot be had direct from the churn1 any which is quite fresh may be substituted for it1 after the salt has been well washed and soaked out of it1 by working it with a strong spoon in cold water1 in which it should remain for a couple of days or more1 the water being frequently changed during the time4 ,,rose ,,lip-,,salve4--#h ounces sweet almond oil1 #d ounces prepared mutton suet1 #a-a_/b ounces white wax1 #b ounces spermaceti1 #bj drops otto2 steep a small quantity of alkanet root in the oil1 and strain before using4 ,melt the suet1 wax1 and spermaceti together1 then add the coloric oil and otto4 ,,lip-,,salves4--,a good lip-salve may be made as follows3--,take an ounce of the oil of sweet almonds1 cold drawn2 a drachm of fresh mutton suet2 and a little bruised alkanet root3 and simmer the whole together in an earthen pipkin4 ,instead of the oil of sweet almonds you may use oil of ,jasmin1 or oil of any other flower1 if you intend the lip-salve to have a fragrant odour4--#b4 ,take a pound of fresh butter2 a quarter of a pound of beeswax2 four or five ounces of cleansed black grapes1 and about an ounce of bruised alkanet root4 ,simmer them together over a slow fire till the wax is wholly dissolved1 and the mixture becomes of a bright red color2 strain1 and put it by for use4 #c4 ,oil of almonds1 spermaceti1 white wax1 and white sugar-candy1 equal parts1 form a good white lip-salve4 ,,superior ,,lip-,,salve4--,white wax1 two and a half ounces2 spermaceti1 three quarters of an ounce2 oil of almonds1 four ounces4 ,mix well together1 and apply a little to the lips at night4 ,,another4--,a desert spoonful of salad oil in a saucer1 hold it over a candle1 and drop melted wax over it till the oil is thinly covered1 when they are incorporated1 pour it into boxes4--7,wax taper will do47 ,,for ,,corns4 ,,cure ,,for ,,corns4--,place the feet for half an hour1 two or three nights successively1 in a pretty strong solution of common soda4 ,the alkali dissolves the indurated cuticle1 and the corn falls out spontaneously1 leaving a small excavation1 which soon fills up4 ,,to ,,remove ,,corns4--,get four ounces of white diachylon plaster1 four ounces of shoemaker's wax1 and sixty drops of muriatic acid or spirits of salt4 ,boil them for a few minutes in an earthen pipkin1 and when cold1 roll the mass between the hands and apply a little on a piece of white leather4 ,a ,,certain ,,cure ,,for ,,soft ,,corns4--,dip a piece of soft linen rag in turpentine1 and wrap it round the toe on which the soft corn is1 night and morning2 in a few days the corn will disappear2 but the relief is instantaneous4 ,,perfumes4 ,,to ,,make ,,eau ,,de ,,cologne4--,rectified spirits of wine1 four pints2 oil of bergamot1 one ounce2 oil of lemon1 half an ounce2 oil of rosemary1 half a drachm2 oil of ,neroli1 three quarters of a drachm2 oil of ,english lavender1 one drachm2 oil of oranges1 one drachm4 ,mix well and then filter4 ,if these proportions are too large1 smaller ones may be used4 ,,eau ,,de ,,cologne4--,oil of neroli1 citron1 bergamot1 orange1 and rosemary1 of each twelve drops2 cardamom seeds1 one drachm2 spirits of wine1 one pint4 ,let it stand for a week4 ,,lavender ,,water4--,oil of lavender1 #b drachms2 oil of bergamot1 #a_/b drachm2 essence of musk1 #a drachm2 spirits of wine1 #ac ounces2 water1 #e ounces4 ,let it stand for a week4 ,,for ,,keeping ,,the ,,wardrobe ,,in ,,order4 ,,to ,,clean ,,kid ,,gloves4--,make a strong lather with curd soap and warm water1 in which steep a small piece of new flannel4 ,place the glove on a flat1 clean1 and unyielding surface--such as the bottom of a dish1 and having thoroughly soaped the flannel 7when squeezed from the lather71 rub the kid till all dirt be removed1 cleaning and resoaping the flannel from time to time4 ,care must be taken to omit no part of the glove1 by turning the fingers1 c4 ,the gloves must be dried in the sun1 or before a moderate fire1 and will present the appearance of old parchment4 ,when quite dry1 they must be gradually pulled out1 and will look new4 ,,another4--,first see that your hands are clean1 then put on the gloves and wash them1 as though you were washing your hands1 in a basin of spirits of turpentine1 until quite clean2 then hang them up in a warm place1 or where there is a good current of air1 which will carry off all smell of the turpentine4 ,this method was brought from ,paris1 and thousands of dollars have been made by it4 ,,to ,,clean ,,colored ,,kid ,,gloves4--,have ready on a table a clean towel1 folded three or four times1 a saucer of new milk1 and another saucer with a piece of brown soap4 ,take one glove at a time1 and spread it smoothly on the folded towel4 ,then dip in the milk a piece of clean flannel1 rub it on the soap till you get off a tolerable quantity1 and then1 with the wet flannel1 commence rubbing the glove4 ,begin at the wrist1 and rub lengthways towards the end of the fingers1 holding the glove firmly in your right-hand4 ,continue this process until the glove is well cleaned all over with the milk and soap4 ,when done1 spread them out1 and pin them on a line to dry gradually4 ,when nearly dry1 pull them out evenly1 the crossway of the leather4 ,when quite dry1 stretch them on your hands4 ,white kid gloves may also be washed in this manner1 provided they have never been cleaned with ,india-rubber4 ,,to ,,clean ,,white ,,or ,,colored ,,kid ,,gloves4--,put the glove on your hand1 then take a small piece of flannel1 dip it in camphene1 and well1 but gently1 rub it over the glove1 taking care not to make it too wet1 when the dirt is removed1 dip the flannel 7or another piece if that is become too dirty7 into pipe-clay and rub it over the glove2 take it off1 and hang it up in a room to dry1 and in a day or two very little smell will remain2 and if done carefully they will be almost as good as new4 ,in colored ones1 if yellow1 use gamboge after the pipe-clay1 and for other colors match it in dry paint4 ,,to ,,clean ,,white ,,kid ,,gloves4--,stretch the gloves on a clean board1 and rub all the soiled or grease-spots with cream of tartar or magnesia4 ,let them rest an hour4 ,then have ready a mixture of alum and ,fuller's earth 7both powdered71 and rub it all over the gloves with a brush 7a clean tooth-brush or something similar71 and let them rest for an hour or two4 ,then sweep it all off1 and go over them with a flannel dipped in a mixture of bran and finely powdered whiting4 ,let them rest another hour2 then brush off the powder1 and you will find them clean4 ,,to ,,clean ,,light ,,kid ,,gloves4--,put on one glove1 and having made a strong lather with common brown soap1 apply it with a shaving brush1 wiping it off immediately with a clean towel1 then blow into the glove1 and leave it to dry4 ,,an ,,excellent ,,paste ,,for ,,gloves4--,liquor of ammonia half an ounce1 chloride of potash ten ounces1 curd soap one pound1 water half a pint2 dissolve the soap in the water1 with a gentle heat1 then as the mixture cools1 stir in the other ingredients4 ,use it1 by rubbing it over the gloves until the dirt is removed4 ,,to ,,wash ,,thread ,,lace4--,rip off the lace1 carefully pick out the loose bits of thread1 and roll the lace very smoothly and securely round a clean black bottle1 previously covered with old white linen1 sewed tightly on4 ,tack each end of the lace with a needle and thread1 to keep it smooth2 and be careful in wrapping not to crumple or fold in any of the scallops or pearlings4 ,after it is on the bottle1 take some of the best sweet oil and with a clean sponge wet the lace thoroughly to the inmost folds4 ,have ready in a wash-kettle1 a strong cold lather of clear water and white ,castile soap4 ,fill the bottle with cold water1 to prevent its bursting1 cork it well1 and stand it upright in the suds1 with a string round the neck secured to the ears or handle of the kettle1 to prevent its knocking about and breaking while over the fire4 ,let it boil in the suds for an hour or more1 till the lace is clean and white all through4 ,drain off the suds1 and dry it on the bottle in the sun4 ,when dry1 remove the lace from the bottle and roll it round a wide ribbon-block2 or lay it in long folds1 place it within a sheet of smooth1 white1 paper1 and press it in a large book for a few days4 ,,to ,,wash ,a ,,white ,,lace ,,veil4--,put the veil into a strong lather of white soap and very clear water1 and let it simmer slowly for a quarter of an hour4 ,take it out and squeeze it well1 but be sure not to rub it4 ,rinse it in two cold waters1 with a drop or two of liquid blue in the last4 ,have ready some very clear and weak gum-arabic water1 or some thin starch1 or rice-water4 ,pass the veil through it1 and clear it by clapping4 ,then stretch it out even1 and pin it to dry on a linen cloth1 making the edge as straight as possible1 opening out all the scallops1 and fastening each with pins4 ,when dry1 lay a piece of thin muslin smoothly over it1 and iron it on the wrong side4 ,,to ,,wash ,a ,,black ,,lace ,,veil4--,mix bullock's gall with sufficient hot water to make it as warm as you can bear your hand in4 ,then pass the veil through it4 ,it must be squeezed1 and not rubbed4 ,it will be well to perfume the gall with a little musk4 ,next rinse the veil through two cold waters1 tinging the last with indigo4 ,then dry it4 ,have ready in a pan some stiffening made by pouring boiling water on a very small piece of glue4 ,pat the veil into it1 squeeze it out1 stretch it1 and clap it4 ,afterwards pin it out to dry on a linen cloth1 making it very straight and even1 and taking care to open and pin the edge very nicely4 ,when dry1 iron it on the wrong side1 having laid a linen cloth over the ironing-blanket4 ,any article of black lace may be washed in this manner4 ,,to ,,clean ,,white ,,satin ,,and ,,flowered ,,silks4--#a4 ,mix sifted stale bread crumbs with powder blue1 and rub it thoroughly all over1 then shake it well1 and dust it with clean1 soft cloths4 ,afterwards1 where there are any gold or silver flowers1 take a piece of crimson ingrain velvet1 rub the flowers with it1 which will restore them to their original lustre4 #b4 ,pass them through a solution of fine hard soap1 at a hand heat1 drawing them through the hand4 ,rinse in lukewarm water1 dry and finish by pinning out4 ,brush the flossy or bright side with a clean clothes-brush1 the way of the nap4 ,finish them by dipping a sponge into a size1 made by boiling isinglass in water1 and rub the wrong side4 ,rinse out a second time1 and brush1 and dry near a fire1 or in a warm room4 ,silks may be treated in the same way1 but not brushed4 ,,to ,,clean ,,white ,,silk4--,dissolve some of the best curd soap in boiling water1 and when the solution is as hot as the hand can bear1 pass the silk through it thoroughly1 handling it gently1 not to injure the texture4 ,if there are any spots1 these may be rubbed carefully until they disappear4 ,the article must then be rinsed in lukewarm water4 ,,to ,,iron ,,silk4--,silk cannot be ironed smoothly1 so as to press out all the creases1 without first sprinkling it with water1 and rolling it up tightly in a towel1 letting it rest for an hour or two4 ,if the iron is in the least too hot1 it will injure the color1 and it should first be tried on an old piece of the same silk4 ,,to ,,wash ,,silk4--,half a pint of gin1 four ounces of soft soap1 and two ounces of honey1 well shaken2 then rub the silk1 with a sponge 7wetted with the above mixture71 upon a table1 and wash through two waters1 in which first put two or three spoonfuls of ox gall1 which will brighten the colors1 and prevent their running4 ,the silks should not be wrung1 but well shaken and hung up smoothly to dry1 and mangled while damp4 ,the writer has had green silk dresses washed by this receipt1 and they have looked as well as new4 ,,to ,,renovate ,,black ,,silk4--,slice some uncooked potatoes1 pour boiling water on them2 when cold sponge the right side of the silk with it1 and iron on the wrong4 ,,to ,,keep ,,silk4--,silk articles should not be kept folded in white paper1 as the chloride of lime used in bleaching the paper will probably impair the color of the silk4 ,brown or blue paper is better--the yellowish smooth ,india paper is best of all4 ,silk intended for a dress should not be kept in the house long before it is made up1 as lying in the folds will have a tendency to impair its durability by causing it to cut or split1 particularly if the silk has been thickened by gum4 ,we knew an instance of a very elegant and costly thread-lace veil being found1 on its arrival from ,france1 cut into squares 7and therefore destroyed7 by being folded over a pasteboard card4 ,a white satin dress should be pinned up in blue paper1 with coarse brown paper outside1 sewed together at the edges4 ,,to ,,restore ,,velvet4--,when velvet gets plushed from pressure1 holding the reverse side over a basin of boiling water will raise the pile1 and perhaps it may also succeed in the case of wet from rain4 ,,to ,,iron ,,velvet4--,having ripped the velvet apart1 damp each piece separately1 and holding it tightly in both hands1 stretch it before the fire1 the wrong side of the velvet being towards the fire4 ,this will remove the creases1 and give the surface of the material a fresh and new appearance4 ,velvet cannot be ironed on a table1 for1 when spread out on a hard substance1 the iron will not go smoothly over the pile4 ,,to ,,clean ,,ermine ,,and ,,minivar ,,fur4--,take a piece of soft flannel1 and rub the fur well with it 7but remember that the rubbing must be always against the grain72 then rub the fur with common flour until clean4 ,shake it well1 and rub again with the flannel till all the flour is out of it4 ,i have had a ,minivar boa for four years4 ,it has never been cleaned with anything but flour1 and is not in the least injured by the rubbing4 ,it was a school companion who told me that her aunt 7a ,russian lady7 always cleaned her white furs with flour1 and that they looked quite beautiful4 ,it has one advantage--the lining does not require to be taken out1 and it only requires a little trouble4 ,ermine takes longer than ,minivar4 ,the latter is very easily done4 ,,to ,,perfume ,,linen4--,rose-leaves dried in the shade1 or at about four feet from a stove1 one pound2 cloves1 carraway-seeds1 and allspice1 of each one ounce2 pound in a mortar1 or grind in a mill2 dried salt1 a quarter of a pound2 mix all these together1 and put the compound into little bags4 ,,to ,,restore ,,scorched ,,linen4--,take two onions1 peel and slice them1 and extract the juice by squeezing or pounding4 ,then cut up half an ounce of white soap1 and two ounces of fuller's earth2 mix with them the onion juice1 and half a pint of vinegar4 ,boil this composition well1 and spread it1 when cool1 over the scorched part of the linen1 leaving it to dry thereon4 ,afterwards wash out the linen4 ,,to ,,whiten ,,linen ,,that ,,has ,,turned ,,yellow4--,cut up a pound of fine white soap into a gallon of milk1 and hang it over the fire in a wash-kettle4 ,when the soap has entirely melted1 put in the linen1 and boil it half an hour4 ,then take it out2 have ready a lather of soap and warm water2 wash the linen in it1 and then rinse it through two cold waters1 with a very little blue in the last4 ,,to ,,wash ,,china ,,crape ,,scarfs1 c4--,if the fabric be good1 these articles of dress can be washed as frequently as may be required1 and no diminution of their beauty will be discoverable1 even when the various shades of green have been employed among other colors in the patterns4 ,in cleaning them1 make a strong lather of boiling water--suffer it to cool2 when cold1 or nearly so1 wash the scarf quickly and thoroughly1 dip it immediately in cold hard water1 in which a little salt has been thrown 7to preserve the colors71 rinse1 squeeze1 and hang it out to dry in the open air2 pin it at its extreme edge to the line1 so that it may not in any part be folded together2 the more rapidly it dries1 the clearer it will be4 ,,to ,,clean ,,embroidery ,,and ,,gold ,,lace4--,for this purpose no alkaline liquors are to be used2 for while they clean the gold1 they corrode the silk1 and change its color4 ,soap also alters the shade1 and even the species of certain colors4 ,but spirit of wine may be used without any danger of its injuring either color or quality2 and1 in many cases1 proves as effectual for restoring the lustre of the gold as the corrosive detergents4 ,but1 though spirits of wine is the most innocent material employed for this purpose1 it is not in all cases proper4 ,the golden covering may be in some parts worn off2 or the base metal with which it has been alloyed may be corroded by the air1 so as to leave the particles of the gold disunited2 while the silver underneath1 tarnished to a yellow hue1 may continue a tolerable color to the whole1 so it is apparent that the removal of the tarnish would be prejudicial1 and make the lace or embroidery less like gold than it was before4 ,it is necessary that care should be taken4 ,,to ,,remove ,,stains ,,of ,,wine ,,or ,,fruit ,,from ,,table ,,linen4--,a wine stain may sometimes be removed by rubbing it1 while wet1 with common salt4 ,it is said1 also1 that sherry wine poured immediately on a place where port wine has been spilled1 will prevent its leaving a stain4 ,a certain way of extracting fruit or wine stains from table-linen is to tie up some cream of tartar in the stained part 7so as to form a sort of bag71 and then to put the linen into a lather of soap and cold water1 and boil it awhile4 ,then transfer it wet to a lukewarm suds1 wash and rinse it well1 and dry and iron it4 ,the stains will disappear during the process4 ,another way1 is to mix1 in equal quantities1 soft soap1 slackened lime1 and pearl-ash4 ,rub the stain with this preparation1 and expose the linen to the sun with the mixture plastered on it4 ,if necessary1 repeat the application4 ,as soon as the stain has disappeared1 wash out the linen immediately1 as it will be injured if the mixture is left in it4 ,,stain ,,mixture4--,take an ounce of sal-ammoniac 7or hartshorn7 and an ounce of salt of tartar--mix them well1 put them into a pint of soft water1 and bottle it for use1 keeping it very tightly corked4 ,pour a little of this liquid into a saucer1 and wash in it those parts of a white article that have been stained with ink1 mildew1 fruit1 or red wine4 ,when the stains have1 by this process1 been removed1 wash the article in the usual manner4 ,,chemical ,,renovating ,,balls--for taking out grease1 paint1 pitch1 tar1 from silks1 stuffs1 linen1 woolen1 carpets1 hats1 coats1 c41 without fading the color or injuring the cloth3--#a_/d ounce of fuller's earth1 #a_/d ounce of pipe-clay1 #a ounce salt of tartar1 #a ounce beef gall1 #a ounce spirits of wine4 ,pound the hard parts and mix the ingredients well together4 ,wet the stain with cold water1 rub it well with this ball1 then sponge it with a wet sponge and the stain will disappear4 ,,to ,,prevent ,,colored ,,things ,,from ,,running4--,boil #a_/d pound of soap till nearly dissolved1 then add a small piece of alum and boil with it4 ,wash the things in this lather1 but do not soap them4 ,if they require a second water put alum to that also as well as to the rinsing and blue water4 ,this will preserve them4 ,,to ,,remove ,,stains ,,from ,,mourning ,,dresses4--,take a good handful of fig-leaves1 and boil them in two quarts of water until reduced to a pint4 ,squeeze the leaves and put the liquor into a bottle for use4 ,the articles1 whether of bombasin1 crape1 cloth1 c41 need only be rubbed with a sponge dipped in the liquor1 when the effect will be instantly produced4 ,if any reason exists to prevent the substance from being wetted1 then apply ,french chalk1 which will absorb the grease from the finest texture without injury4 ,,to ,,shrink ,,new ,,flannel4--,new flannel should always be shrunk or washed before it is made up1 that it may be cut out more accurately1 and that the grease which is used in manufacturing it may be extracted4 ,first1 cut off the list along the selvage edges of the whole piece4 ,then put it into warm 7not boiling7 water1 without soap4 ,begin at one end of the piece1 and rub it with both hands till you come to the other end2 this is to get out the grease and the blue with which new white flannel is always tinged4 ,then do the same through another water4 ,rinse it through a clean1 lukewarm water2 wring it lengthways1 and stretch it well4 ,in hanging it out on a line do not suspend it in festoons1 but spread it along the line straight and lengthways4 ,if dried in festoons1 the edges will be in great scollops1 making it very difficult to cut out4 ,it must be dried in the sun4 ,when dry let it be stretched even1 clapped with the hands1 and rolled up tight and smoothly1 till wanted4 ,,gum ,,arabic ,,starch4--,get two ounces of fine1 white gum arabic1 and pound it to powder4 ,next put it into a pitcher1 and pour on it a pint or more of boiling water 7according to the degree of strength you desire71 and then1 having covered it1 let it set all night4 ,in the morning1 pour it carefully from the dregs into a clean bottle1 cork it1 and keep it for use4 ,a table-spoonful of gum water stirred into a pint of starch that has been made in the usual manner1 will give to lawns 7either white or printed7 a look of newness to which nothing else can restore them after washing4 ,it is also good 7much diluted7 for thin white muslin and bobinet4 ,,to ,,wash ,,white ,,thread ,,gloves ,,and ,,stockings4--,these articles are so delicate as to require great care in washing1 and they must not on any account be rubbed4 ,make a lather of white soap and cold water1 and put it into a saucepan4 ,soap the gloves or stockings well1 put them in1 and set the saucepan over the fire4 ,when they have come to a hard boil1 take them off1 and when cool enough for your hand1 squeeze them in the water4 ,having prepared a fresh cold lather1 boil them again in that4 ,then take the pan off the fire1 and squeeze them well again1 after which they can be stretched1 dried1 and then ironed on the wrong side4 ,,to ,,clean ,,silk ,,stockings4--,first wash the stockings in the usual manner1 to take out the rough dirt4 ,after rinsing them in clean water1 wash them well in a fresh soap liquor4 ,then make a third soap liquor1 which color with a little stone-blue2 then wash the stockings once more1 take them out1 wring them1 and particularly dry them4 ,now stove them with brimstone1 and draw on a wooden leg two stockings1 one upon the other1 observing that the two fronts or outsides are face to face4 ,polish with a glass bottle4 ,the two first liquors should be only lukewarm1 but the third as hot as you can bear your hand in4 ,blondes and gauzes may be whitened in the same manner1 but there should be a little gum put in the last liquor before they are stoved4 ,,to ,,take ,,out ,,mildew ,,from ,,clothes4--,mix some soft soap with powdered starch1 half as much salt1 and the juice of a lemon1 lay it on the part with a brush1 let it be exposed in the air day and night1 until the stain disappears4 ,iron-moulds may be removed by the salt of lemons4 ,many stains in linen may be taken out by dipping linen in sour buttermilk1 and then drying it in the sun2 afterwards wash it in cold water several times4 ,stains caused by acids may be removed by tying some pearlash up in the stained part2 scrape some soap in cold1 soft water1 and boil the linen till the stain is out4 ,,bleaching ,,straw4--,straw is bleached1 and straw bonnets cleaned1 by putting them into a cask into which a few brimstone matches are placed lighted4 ,the fumes of the sulphur have the effect of destroying the color1 or whitening the straw4 ,the same effect may be produced by dipping the straw into the chloride of lime dissolved in water4 ,,to ,,wash ,,mouseline-,,de-,,laine4--,boil a pound of rice in five quarts of water1 and1 when cool enough1 wash in this1 using the rice for soap4 ,have another quantity ready1 but strain the rice from this and use it with warm water1 keeping the rice strained off for a third washing which1 at the same time1 stiffens and also brightens the colors4 ,,to ,,bleach ,a ,,faded ,,dress4--,wash the dress in hot suds1 and boil it until the color appears to be gone2 then rinse it and dry it in the sun4 ,should it not be rendered white by these means1 lay the dress in the open air1 and bleach it for several days4 ,if still not quite white1 repeat the boiling4 ,,indelible ,,marking ,,ink1 ,,without ,,preparation4--#a-a_/b drachms nitrate of silver 7lunar caustic71 #a ounce distilled water1 #a_/b ounce strong mucilage of gum arabic1 #c_/d drachm liquid ammonia2 mix the above in a clean glass bottle1 cork tightly1 and keep in a dark place till dissolved1 and ever afterwards4 ,directions for use3--,shake the bottle1 then dip a clean quill pen in the ink1 and write or draw what you require on the article2 immediately hold it close to the fire1 7without scorching7 or pass a hot iron over it1 and it will become a deep and indelible black1 indestructible by either time or acids of any description4 ,,mixture ,,for ,,removing ,,ink ,,stains ,,and ,,iron-,,moulds4--,cream of tartar and salts of sorrel1 one ounce each2 mix well1 and keep in a stoppered bottle4 ,,to ,,wash ,,hair-,,brushes4--,never use soap4 ,take a piece of soda1 dissolve it in warm water1 stand the brush in it1 taking care that the water only covers the bristles2 it will almost immediately become white and clean2 stand it to dry in the open air with the bristles downwards1 and it will be found to be as firm as a new brush4 ,,to ,,clean ,,head ,,and ,,clothes-,,brushes4--,put a table-spoonful of pearl-ash into a pint of boiling water4 ,having fastened a bit of sponge to the end of a stick1 dip it into the solution1 and wash the brush with it2 carefully going in among the bristles4 ,next pour over it some clean hot water1 and let it lie a little while4 ,then drain it1 wipe it with a cloth1 and dry it before the fire4 ,lola ,montez in her ,arts of ,beauty gives the following receipts for complexion1 hair1 c3-- ,,for ,,the ,,complexion4--,infuse wheat-bran1 well sifted1 for four hours in white wine vinegar1 add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris1 and distill the whole4 ,it should be carefully corked for twelve or fifteen days1 when it will be fit for use4 ,distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart of rose-water and a quart of orange-water4 ,strain through porous paper1 and add a scruple of musk and a scruple of ambergris4 ,,to ,,give ,,elasticity ,,of ,,form4-- ,fat of the stag or deer #h oz4 ,florence oil 7or olive oil7 #f oz4 ,virgin wax #c oz4 ,musk #a grain4 ,white brandy #a_/b pint4 ,rose-water #d oz4 ,put the fat1 oil1 and wax into a well glazed earthen vessel1 and let them simmer over a slow fire until they are assimilated2 then pour in the other ingredients1 and let the whole gradually cool1 when it will be fit for use4 ,there is no doubt but that this mixture1 frequently and thoroughly rubbed upon the body on going to bed1 will impart a remarkable degree of elasticity to the muscles4 ,in the morning1 after this preparation has been used1 the body should be thoroughly wiped with a sponge1 dampened with cold water4 ,,for ,,the ,,complexion4--,take equal parts of the seeds of the melon1 pumpkin1 gourd1 and cucumber1 pounded till they are reduced to powder2 add to it sufficient fresh cream to dilute the flour1 and then add milk enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste4 ,add a grain of musk1 and a few drops of the oil of lemon4 ,anoint the face with this1 leave it on twenty or thirty minutes1 or overnight if convenient1 and wash off with warm water4 ,it gives a remarkable purity and brightness to the complexion4 ,infuse a handful of well sifted wheat bran for four hours in white wine vinegar2 add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of musk1 and distill the whole4 ,bottle it1 keep carefully corked fifteen days1 when it will be fit for use4 ,apply it over night1 and wash in the morning with tepid water4 ,,tooth-,,powder4-- ,prepared chalk #f oz4 ,cassia powder #a_/b oz4 ,orris-root #a oz4 ,these should be thoroughly mixed and used once a day with a firm brush4 ,a simple mixture of charcoal and cream of tartar is an excellent tooth-powder4 ,,to ,,whiten ,,the ,,hand4--,both ,spanish and ,french women--those1 at least1 who are very particular to make the most of these charms--are in the habit of sleeping in gloves which are lined or plastered over with a kind of pomade to improve the delicacy and complexion of their hands4 ,this paste is generally made of the following ingredients3-- ,take half a pound of soft soap1 a gill of salad oil1 an ounce of mutton tallow1 and boil them till they are thoroughly mixed4 ,after the boiling has ceased1 but before it is cold1 add one gill of spirits of wine1 and a grain of musk4 ,if any lady wishes to try this1 she can buy a pair of gloves three or four sizes larger than the hand1 rip them open and spread on a thin layer of the paste1 and then sew the gloves up again4 ,there is no doubt that by wearing them every night they will give smoothness and a fine complexion to the hands4 ,those who have the means1 can send to ,paris and purchase them ready made4 ,if the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap1 the following wash will remedy the evil4 ,lemon-juice #c oz4 ,white wine vinegar #c oz4 ,white brandy #a_/b pint4 ,,for ,,the ,,hair4--,beat up the white of four eggs into a froth1 and rub that thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair4 ,leave it to dry on4 ,then wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum and rose-water4 ,,honey-,,water4-- ,essence of ambergris #a dr4 ,essence of musk #a dr4 ,essence of bergamot #b drs4 ,oil of cloves #ae drops4 ,orange-flower water #d oz4 ,spirits of wine #e oz4 ,distilled water #d oz4 ,all these ingredients should be mixed together1 and left about fourteen days1 then the whole to be filtered through porous paper1 and bottled for use4 ,this is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume4 ,,to ,,remove ,,pimples4--,there are many kinds of pimples1 some of which partake almost of the nature of ulcers1 which require medical treatment2 but the small red pimple1 which is most common1 may be removed by applying the following twice a-day3-- ,sulphur water #a oz4 ,acetated liquor of ammonia #a_/d oz4 ,liquor of potassa #a gr4 ,white wine vinegar #b oz4 ,distilled water #b oz4 ,,to ,,remove ,,black ,,specks ,,or ',,fleshworms4'--,sometimes little black specks appear about the base of the nose1 or on the forehead1 or in the hollow of the chin which are called 'fleshworms1' and are occasioned by coagulated lymph that obstructs the pores of the skin4 ,they may be squeezed out by pressing the skin1 and ignorant persons suppose them to be little worms4 ,they are permanently removed by washing with warm water1 and severe friction with a towel1 and then applying a little of the following preparation3-- ,liquor of potassa #a oz4 ,cologne #b oz4 ,white brandy4 #d oz4 ,the warm water and friction alone are sometimes sufficient4 ,,to ,,remove ,,freckles4--,the most celebrated compound ever used for the removal of freckles was called ,unction de ,maintenon1 after the celebrated ,madame de ,maintenon1 mistress and wife of ,louis ,,xiv4 ,it is made as follows3-- ,venice soap #a oz4 ,lemon-juice #a_/b oz4 ,oil of bitter almonds #a_/d oz4 ,deliquidated oil of tartar #a_/d oz4 ,oil of rhodium #c drops ,first dissolve the soap in the lemon-juice1 then add the two oils1 and place the whole in the sun till it acquires the consistence of ointment1 and then add the oil of rhodium4 ,anoint the freckly face at night with this unction1 and wash in the morning with pure water1 or1 if convenient1 with a mixture of elder-flower and rose-water4 ,,to ,,remove ,,tan4--,an excellent wash to remove tan is called ,creme de l',enclos1 and is made thus3 ,new milk #a_/b pint4 ,lemon-juice #a_/d oz4 ,white brandy #a_/b oz4 ,boil the whole1 and skim it clear from all scum4 ,use it night and morning4 ,a famous preparation with the ,spanish ladies for removing the effects of the sun and making the complexion bright1 is composed simply of equal parts of lemon-juice and the white of eggs4 ,the whole is beat together in a varnished earthen pot1 and set over a slow fire1 and stirred with a wooden spoon till it acquires the consistence of soft pomatum4 ,this compound is called ,pommade de ,seville4 ,if the face is well washed with rice-water before it is applied1 it will remove freckles1 and give a fine lustre to the complexion4 ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- ,transcriber's ,note3 ,minor punctuation errors 7e4g4 missing1 misprinted or misplaced punctuation7 have been corrected without note4 ,inconsistent hyphenation 7e4g4 ball room1 ball-room2 bon-bons1 bonbons71 spelling 7e4g4 visiters1 visitors7 and capitalization 7e4g4 neroli1 ,neroli7 have not been corrected4 ,many of the ,receipts are nearly identical4 ,this has not been changed4 ,the following changes were made to the text3 p4 #ca3 admissable to admissible 7black lace mittens are admissible7 p4 #de3 oclock to o'clock 7,thursday evening next1 at #h o'clock7 p4 #acg3 left to right 7,on the upper right hand corner of your envelope7 p4 #afj3 violincello to violoncello 7a piano1 violin1 and violoncello7 p4 #bjd3 missing of added 7the most graceful of dances7 p4 #bad3 guaze to gauze 7with a gauze of a different color7 p4 #bba3 kneedles to needles 7needles should be of the smallest size7 p4 #bce3 extra close quote removed 7entered that house47 p4 #bdd3 extra the removed 7in the highest and lowest classes7 p4 #bfj3 returnes to returns 7she returns from her bridal tour7 p4 #bgh3 double quotes to single quotes 7',appetite1' says ,dr4 ,combe1 'revives after repose4'7 p4 #cje3 extra a removed 7containing a mixture in equal portions7 p4 #cah3 extra of removed 7four ounces of butter7 p4 #cbf3 inpair to impair 7impair the color7 p4 #cdj3 acquired to acquires 7till it acquires7 ---------------------------------------- --------------------------------