,,manners ,,and ,,rules ,,of ,,good ,,society ,,or ,,solecisms ,,to ,,be ,,avoided ,,by ,a ,,member ,,of ,,the ,,aristocracy ,,thirty-,,eighth ,,edition ,illustration3 ,decoration ,,london ,,frederick ,,warne ,,and ,,co4 ,,and ,,new ,,york #aiaf 7,all rights reserved7 ,printed in ,great ,britain ,,preface ,,manners ,,and ,,rules ,,of ,,good ,,society contains all the information comprised in the original work1 ,manners and ,tone of ,good ,society1 but with considerable additions4 ,in a volume of this nature it is necessary to make constant revisions1 and this is periodically done to keep it up to date1 that it may be depended upon as being not only the most reliable1 but also the newest book of etiquette4 ,a comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown1 not merely in bulk1 but in importance also4 ,this extension has allowed many subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore1 and it now includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its title4 ,the work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the attention of thousands of readers1 and it is hoped the present edition will be received by society in general with the marked success of its predecessors4 ,,contents ,,chapter ,,page ,,introductory ,,remarks ix ,i4 ,,the ,,meaning ,,of ,,etiquette #a ,,ii4 ,,introductions #f ,,iii4 ,,leaving ,,cards #ai ,,iv4 ,,paying ,,calls #cb ,v4 ,,precedency #dd ,,vi4 ,,the ,,colloquial ,,application ,,of ,,titles #ec ,,vii4 ,,points ,,of ,,etiquette ,,as ,,regards ,,royal ,,personages #fa ,,viii4 ,,points ,,of ,,etiquette ,,when ,,travelling ,,abroad1 ,,and ,,presentations ,,at ,,foreign ,,courts #fe ,,ix4 ,,the ,,received ,,mode ,,of ,,pronouncing ,,certain ,,surnames #fh ,x4 ,,presentations ,,at ,,courts ,,and ,,attending ,,courts #gc ,,xi4 ,,presentations ,,at ,,levees ,,and ,,attending ,,levees #hb ,,xii4 ,,balls ,,and ,,state ,,balls #hg ,,xiii4 ,,dinner ,,giving ,,and ,,dining ,,out #ii ,,xiv4 ,,dinner-,,table ,,etiquette #aaf ,,xv4 ,,evening ,,parties #abb ,,xvi4 ,,weddings ,,and ,,wedding ,,luncheons #abh ,,xvii4 ,,wedding ,,receptions #adc ,,xviii4 ,,wedding ,,expenses #adf ,,xix4 ,,afternoon ,,at ,,homes #aea ,,xx4 ,,at ,,home ,,days #aei ,,xxi4 ,,colonial ,,etiquette #afa ,,xxii4 ,,indian ,,etiquette #afd ,,xxiii4 ,,garden-,,parties #aff ,,xxiv4 ,,town ,,garden-,,parties #aga ,,xxv4 ,,evening ,,garden-,,parties #agd ,,xxvi4 ,,luncheons #agf ,,xxvii4 ,,breakfasts #ahc ,,xxviii4 ,,picnics ,,and ,,water-,,parties #ahf ,,xxix4 ,,juvenile ,,parties #aij ,,xxx4 ,,written ,,invitations #aie ,,xxxi4 ,,refusing ,,invitations #bjj ,,xxxii4 ,,walking1 ,,driving1 ,,and ,,riding #bjb ,,xxxiii4 ,,bowing #bjf ,,xxxiv4 ,,the ,,cockade #bji ,,xxxv4 ,,country-,,house ,,visits #baa ,,xxxvi4 ,,hunting ,,and ,,shooting #bai ,,xxxvii4 ,,shaking ,,hands #bbe ,,xxxviii4 ,,chaperons ,,and ,,debutantes #bbh ,,xxxix4 ,,presentations ,,at ,,the ,,viceregal ,,court1 ,,dublin ,,castle #bbi ,,xl4 ,,hostesses #bcd ,,xli4 ,,the ,,responsibilities ,,of ,,lady ,,patronesses ,,of ,,public ,,balls #bci ,,xlii4 ,,periods ,,of ,,mourning #bdb ,,xliii4 ,,engaged #bej ,,xliv4 ,,silver ,,weddings #bec ,,xlv4 ,,subscription ,,dances #bef ,,xlvi4 ,,giving ,,presents #bei ,,xlvii4 ,,christening ,,parties #bfa ,,index #bfe ,,introductory ,,remarks ,the title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its contents4 ,the ,usages of ,good ,society relate not only to good manners and to good breeding1 but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on every occasion4 ,not only are certain rules laid down1 and minutely explained1 but the most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be clearly understood what is done1 or what is not done1 in good society1 and also how what is done in good society should be done4 ,it is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may happen to move1 and causes them to be considered well bred by all with whom they may come in contact4 ,a solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter1 but in the eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect1 and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is committed2 the direct inference being1 that to be guilty of a solecism argues the offender to be unused to society1 and consequently not on an equal footing with it4 ,this society resents1 and is not slow in making its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender4 ,tact and innate refinement1 though of the greatest assistance to one unused to society1 do not suffice of themselves2 and although counting for much1 cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is customary in society4 ,where tact and innate refinement do not exist--and this is not seldom the case1 as they are gifts bestowed upon the few rather than upon the many--then a thorough acquaintance with the social observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary1 and especially to those who1 socially speaking1 are desirous of making their way in the world4 ,those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives1 or who have hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people move1 will gather all the information necessary from these pages to render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of society4 ,this work will be found of equal service to both men and women1 as in each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes have been fully considered4 ,those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction into society1 either mothers1 chaperons1 or governesses1 will also derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this work1 while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it cannot fail to commend itself1 containing as it does many useful and valuable hints on social questions4 ,,manners ,,and ,,rules ,,of ,,good ,,society ,,chapter ,i ,,the ,,meaning ,,of ,,etiquette ,what is etiquette1 and what does the word convey8 ,it is a poor one in itself1 and falls very far short of its wide application4 ,it has an old-fashioned ring about it1 savouring of stiffness1 primness1 and punctiliousness1 which renders it distasteful to many possessing advanced ideas2 and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either1 as ,johnson did not include it in his dictionary1 and ,walker apologises for introducing it into his1 and according to the authorities he quotes1 it is supposed to be derived from stichos1 stichus1 stichetus1 sticketta1 and from thence to etiquette4 ,but whether derived from the ,latin or the ,french--and many incline to the latter opinion--there is no doubt that could a new word be found to replace this much abused one1 it would be a welcome addition to our vocabulary4 ,the word has unfortunately become associated in our minds with forms1 ceremonies1 and observances1 in an exaggerated degree2 and it has been so constantly misused and misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it4 ,the true meaning of etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance2 it embraces the whole gamut of good manners1 good breeding1 and true politeness4 ,one of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word etiquette into disrepute1 is the manner in which the subject has been handled by incompetent people1 who1 having but a very hazy and obscure knowledge1 if any knowledge at all1 yet profess to write guides to polite manners--rambling and incoherent guides1 which not only provoke a smile from those better informed1 but mislead and bewilder any one rash enough to consult them1 without previous inquiry as to whether they are safe to follow4 ,a little caution on this head would insure the most correct and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is unreliable4 ,some people read everything that is written on the subject of etiquette1 not only those who are ignorant and wish to learn something of its laws1 but those who are thoroughly well versed in them and who1 one might suppose1 had nothing to learn2 still these latter like to see what is written1 to feel the satisfaction of being supported in their own knowledge by a well-informed writer2 or of finding amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some one writing from another sphere than that where savoir vivre reigns4 ,others attach a very narrow meaning to the word etiquette1 and neither accept it nor understand it in its true sense2 they have an idea that its rules influence and govern society in general4 ,rules of etiquette are from their point of view but trammels and shackles2 let them be cast off or burst through1 say they2 let every one do as he likes2 let all behave as they like2 we are in a free country1 why should we not wipe our mouths upon the tablecloth if we please8 ,others again1 devour books of etiquette on the quiet2 they are very much in want of instruction as every one knows1 but they have not the courage to confess that they are awake of this want1 and are trying to pick up some knowledge of this kind to be useful to them2 as their aim is to rise in the social scale1 they would not let their friends know for worlds about this new study1 but they know it1 and find that they have improved1 that they do not commit as many gaucheries as heretofore2 still1 they have caught the letter rather than the spirit of etiquette1 they have read the rules it prescribes1 and act up to them as far as their memories serve them2 but they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that courtesy1 consideration towards others1 and unselfishness1 are the sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs4 ,there is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the world1 and moved but in one fixed groove1 that the more exalted the sphere1 the more perfect the manners4 ,it is needless to attempt to refute such a fallacy as this1 for examples of the most perfect manner are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage and high birth1 but also amongst those who lay claim to neither4 ,our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement1 polish1 and culture of years1 of centuries4 ,wealth and luxury1 and contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature1 have in all ages exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men2 we do not say on the times1 as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the many but were confined to the strictly few2 but in these modern days the many have come1 and still come1 within the charmed circle2 the ring broadens1 ever widens2 it is not now as in olden days that their lot forbade4 ,on the contrary1 the possession of wealth or of talent is the open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles4 ,the word etiquette is too narrow for all it embraces2 it must be viewed in a double light1 and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one4 ,a kindly nature1 and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true politeness1 but the conventionalities of society give the finish and completeness to the whole1 the colour1 as it were1 to the picture4 ,in some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a surface polish4 ,in others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed full play1 and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in their intercourse with their fellows1 and these graces of kindly politeness linger in the memory1 trivial though they may have been1 years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady1 and one says of him1 ,what a charming man he was1 how courteous and considerate1 and how kind6 and of her1 ,she was the sweetest and prettiest-mannered woman ,i ever met4 ,it is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly charming without a shadow of self-consciousness or effort4 ,to assume a would-be charming manner for the moment1 with the desire to be unusually pleasing to some one in particular1 does not confer the enviable reputation of having a charming manner4 ,it does not sit easy enough to be altogether natural2 it conveys the idea of being put on for the occasion1 and1 like all other imitations1 it hardly ever pleases and seldom deceives4 ,etiquette and true politeness would have us go further than this1 and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow1 and not variable according to place and persons4 ,the world is quick to note these uncertain demeanours1 and every one's measure is readily taken and retained4 ,the rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth working of society at large4 ,take1 for example1 the etiquette of precedency1 in force both in public and in private3 on every public occasion1 and in every private circle1 precedency steps in to render assistance1 and is as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public gathering1 because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as claim can be laid to place4 ,mistakes in the matter of precedency are not only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages1 but by those also who have had everything in their favour4 ,young ladies1 for instance1 when married from the schoolroom1 as it were1 often make grave mistakes on the question of precedency1 if they do not ignore it altogether4 ,the etiquette of card leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their utility2 without these aids to order and method all intercourse between friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic2 as it is there is little excuse when the right thing is not done1 and any departure from the simple rules laid down on these heads1 is the best possible proof of the standing1 position1 and associations of the one at fault4 ,any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would be pronounced reasonable1 proper1 and sensible2 and there is strictly speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon which a like verdict would not be given4 ,there is no one rule of etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous1 arbitrary or tyrannical1 and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations due from one person to another4 ,why should we not be a well-mannered people8 ,why should we not be refined1 cultivated1 and polished in our demeanour and bearing8 ,why should we not seek to charm if we can8 ,why should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration1 thoughtfulness1 and graciousness towards others in the smallest details of daily life8 ,,chapter ,,ii ,,introductions ,there are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions1 premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions2 but1 in all cases1 introductions should never be indiscriminately made--that is to say1 without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each other1 or the reverse1 or unless they have expressed a desire to become acquainted4 ,for instance1 a lady should not introduce two of her acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place1 moving in different circles1 unless they have each expressed such a desire4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,undesired ,introduction1 if made1 compels the one to whom it is the most unwelcome1 to treat the other with marked coldness1 or to continue an acquaintance that is distasteful4 ,should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be received--whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on the part of a lady or gentleman1 or whether one person expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a mutual friend--the received rule is to consult the wishes of both persons on the subject before making the introduction4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,difference of ,rank exists between two persons1 it would be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone4 ,a person about to make an introduction1 should say to the one lady1 but not in the hearing of the other1 ,mrs4 ,a----1 may ,i introduce ,mrs4 ,b---- to you8 or some such formula1 according to the degree of intimacy existing between herself and ,mrs4 ,a4 7,see ,the ,art of ,conversing47 ,when two ladies are of equal rank1 the wishes of the person with whom the person making the introduction is least intimate should be consulted4 ,in the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another1 there remains but the wishes of one person to ascertain4 ,acquiescence having been given1 the introduction should be made4 ,in making an introduction1 the lady of lowest rank should be introduced to the lady of highest rank2 in no case should the lady of highest rank be introduced to the lady of lowest rank4 ,this point of etiquette should always be strictly observed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,gentleman should always be introduced to a ,lady1 whatever his rank may be1 without reference to her rank1 whatever it may be4 ,this rule is invariable1 and is based upon the privilege of the sex--place aux dames4 ,it is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will be introduced to a lady or not1 although at a ball it is usual to do so when the introduction is made for a special object1 viz41 that of obtaining a partner for a lady2 and as a gentleman may be either unable or unwilling to ask the lady to dance1 it is incumbent to ascertain beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not1 otherwise the introduction would be of no avail for the purpose1 and prove a disappointment to the lady4 ,would you like to be introduced to ,miss ,a----8 or some such polite phrase 7see ,the ,art of ,conversing71 is the sort of formula by which to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room2 as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper4 ,in general society1 gentlemen are supposed to seek1 rather than to avoid the acquaintance of ladies1 irrespective of whatever sets in society to which they belong4 ,it is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his acquaintances move1 and he can be polite to all without offending any in their several circles4 ,with regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to the acquaintanceships which he forms1 as is a lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which she forms4 ,reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquaintanceships between men are established1 subject1 in a certain measure1 to social position2 though this rule is itself subject to wide exceptions4 ,it is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend1 or an acquaintance1 for an introduction to a lady1 and it is the received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in particular2 but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other1 unless some special reason exists for so doing--some reason that would commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired1 as well as to the person making the introduction2 otherwise1 such a wish would appear to be either puerile or sycophantic1 thus the request might meet with a refusal1 and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when ,introductions are made between ,ladies1 an unmarried lady should be introduced to a married lady1 unless the unmarried lady is of a higher rank than the married lady1 when the rule is reversed4 ,the correct formula in use when making introductions is ,mrs4 ,x----1 ,lady ,z41 thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first1 as she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank1 ,mrs4 ,x----1 ,lady ,z41 is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making the introduction4 ,when the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial which name is mentioned first2 but there generally exists sufficient difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the one or of the other1 which the person making the introduction should take into consideration4 ,when the introduction has been made1 the ladies should bow to each other1 and either lady should make a slight remark4 ,it is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to shake hands1 but only to bow2 but there are very many exceptions to this rule4 ,when one lady is of higher rank than the other1 should she offer to shake hands1 it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her part4 ,when a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each other1 they would be expected to shake hands1 instead of bowing only4 ,the relations of an engaged couple should1 on being introduced1 shake hands with both bride and bridegroom elect1 as should the intimate friends of an engaged couple2 as also should the relations of the two families on being introduced to each other4 ,it is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands1 in every case1 when a gentleman is introduced to her4 ,a lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own house--that is to say1 whether the person is brought by a mutual friend1 or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at ,dinner-parties1 both small and large1 the hostess should use her own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make4 ,it is not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party2 but in sending guests down to dinner1 who are strangers to each other1 the host or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take down to dinner4 ,it would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's permission before doing so4 ,it would be sufficient to make the introduction a few moments before dinner was announced1 and the usual formula is1 ,mrs4 ,a41 ,mr4 ,b4 will take you in to dinner4 ,a bow is the recognition of this introduction4 ,when the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other1 a host or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each other1 when time allows of its being done before dinner is served2 such introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town dinner-parties4 ,a hostess should1 in some instances1 introduce ladies to each other in the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers1 and she considers it advisable to do so4 ,as a rule1 a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the dining-room after dinner1 as they address each other as a matter of course on such occasions4 ,a hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other1 at five-o'clock teas1 garden-parties1 small at homes1 etc4--that is to say1 gentlemen to ladies--for the purpose of their taking the ladies to the tea-room4 ,in this case also1 the introduction should be made without previously consulting the lady2 and a gentleman1 knowing the reason of the introduction1 should at once proffer the expected civility4 ,at these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any general introductions she thinks proper to make1 and should introduce any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her4 ,when introducing ladies to each other1 she should give married ladies1 and ladies of rank1 the option of the introduction2 but should introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when ,callers arrive simultaneously1 the hostess should introduce them directly or indirectly to each other1 if there is no social reason to the contrary4 ,when a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's acquaintanceship1 or1 if she considers that the introduction is not altogether a suitable one1 agreeable to both persons1 she should not make it1 but converse with each visitor in turn1 at the same time not allowing the conversation to become too general4 ,at large gatherings1 persons desirous of avoiding each other's acquaintanceship1 could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance without coming into direct contact with one another1 providing the host and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to effect a rapprochement between them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at ,country-house ,parties1 the hostess should introduce the principal ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival2 but if it is a large party1 introductions should not be generally made1 but should be made according to the judgment of the hostess4 ,the fact of persons being guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction1 and it rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship ripens into subsequent intimacy or not4 ,the same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and at homes4 ,the guests converse with each other if inclined to do so4 ,the act of so conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship1 although it might1 under some circumstances1 establish a bowing acquaintanceship1 especially between gentlemen4 ,ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks at afternoon tea1 or at a garden-party1 unless there were some particular social link between them to warrant their so doing1 in which case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative4 99 99 99 99 99 ,introductions at ,public ,balls4--,it is erroneous to suppose that it is the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls2 it is the exception1 and not the rule1 for stewards to introduce persons to each other who are strangers to themselves4 ,society objects1 and the stewards object1 to making promiscuous introductions1 on the following grounds3 first1 as regards the chaperon1 whether mother or relative1 who has the charge of a young lady2 then as regards a young lady herself2 and last1 but not least1 as regards the position occupied by the steward himself4 ,a chaperon naturally looks and feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger to herself offers to introduce a man who is evidently a stranger to him1 which fact she gathers by his saying1 ,this gentleman wishes to be introduced to your daughter1 or by his asking the stranger his name before making the introduction4 ,a chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances a young lady forms while under her charge at a ball1 and if amongst her own friends and acquaintances she cannot find partners for her1 she would prefer that she spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances4 ,young ladies have not always the discretion possessed by their elders1 or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the right thing4 ,thus1 some young ladies would either coldly decline the introductions1 or if the introductions were made1 would as coldly decline to dance1 whilst others1 anxious to dance1 would accept both the introductions and the partners1 and take their chance as to whether their brothers would like to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced4 ,a steward himself particularly dislikes to be made responsible for a man he does not know2 and whether a chaperon and a young lady are old friends of his1 or whether they are merely new acquaintances1 they equally trust to his not introducing men to them whom they would not care to know1 and of whom he knows nothing save that they have solicited an introduction to them4 ,very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely know by sight and by name for the purpose of introducing a stranger2 they prefer to decline to make the introduction1 on the plea of not having the honour of the lady's acquaintance4 ,stewards consider that the position of a young man must be a peculiar one1 and his presence at a ball somewhat of an anomaly1 if he does not possess an acquaintance in the room1 through whom he can become known to one or other of the stewards1 or through whom he can be introduced to any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance4 ,when a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a public ball1 it generally means that he is introduced to her as a partner1 and that though he may not ask her for the next dance1 he will for a subsequent one1 or that he will at least offer to take her in to supper1 or1 if earlier in the evening1 to give her some tea1 or if she declines these civilities1 that he will continue a conversation with her until the next dance commences1 or until a dance is over4 ,when a gentleman does neither of these things1 but walks away as soon as the introduction is made1 it is a proof how little he desired it1 and that doubtless the option was not given him of refusing it4 ,good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult it is to get partners for well-dressed1 well-mannered1 good-looking girls at a ball1 unless they are more than ordinarily attractive in some way or other1 in which case they are popular and sought after1 and the only difficulty rests with the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best apportion the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners1 or persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which they have promised to1 etc4 ,it is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the majority of young men insist upon being introduced to the most popular girls in a ball-room1 and refuse being introduced to one who does not appear to have plenty of partners4 ,public balls are in reality made up of a number of small parties and different sets1 each set or party being entirely independent of the other4 ,at county balls the county people take large house-parties1 and each house-party does or does not mingle with other house-parties1 according to standing or inclination4 ,if three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form a very imposing majority2 but there are other sets in the same ball-room1 dancing to the same band and adjourning to the same supper-room1 equally apart and equally distinct4 ,at balls held at watering-places1 although the residents do not take large house-parties1 yet they join forces with those residents with whom they are acquainted1 reinforced by friends who come down purposely to be present at the ball4 ,thus1 on the face of it1 a steward's introductions cannot fail to be ill-received1 in whatever set he may be coerced into making them2 and it is well understood that introductions1 to prove acceptable1 should only be made through friends and acquaintances1 and even then with tact and judgment4 ,as the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential gentlemen in the place1 it naturally follows that they are acquainted with many1 if not with all1 of the principal people present1 therefore when they make introductions it is not by virtue of their office1 but simply as a matter of friendship1 and through being personally acquainted with those introduced by them4 ,introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination than not1 as1 for instance1 when a lady is walking with another lady to whom she is on a visit she should introduce any friends to her hostess she might happen to meet1 and her hostess should do likewise if time and opportunity offer for so doing2 should any reason exist for not making an introduction on the part of either lady1 it should be explained when they are again alone1 as were either of the ladies to exclude the other from the conversation it would be considered discourteous towards the one excluded4 ,when two ladies accidentally meet when out walking1 and are subsequently joined by two or more ladies1 introductions should not be made by either of the ladies1 unless some special reason exists for so doing4 ,a lady1 as a rule1 should not introduce gentlemen to each other unless one of them is her host1 when it would be correct to do so4 99 99 99 99 99 ,how to act on the ,occasion of an ,introduction is determined almost entirely upon the reason for its being made1 and by whom and to whom the person is introduced4 ,even the locale has something to do with it1 and thus a variety of issues are raised1 upon which an instantaneous judgment has to be given4 ,the mind has to travel with lightning rapidity over the ground to arrive at a correct course of action2 but the mind does not always respond to the call made upon it3 it hesitates1 and acts not upon the outcome of reflection1 but upon the spur of the moment4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,received ,rule is not to shake hands1 but merely to bow on being introduced2 but this rule under certain circumstances would not meet the case2 it would disappoint the one introducing and the one introduced4 ,for instance if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow would be a very chilling response to the introduction made2 to shake hands1 on the contrary1 would be the correct thing to do1 and both persons should offer at the same moment this cordial recognition4 ,on the other hand1 if a casual introduction is made without any premeditation1 and those introduced are totally unknown to each other1 an exchange of bows is all that is required of them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,amongst the ,exceptions for not merely bowing on being introduced are the introductions made between young ladies and elderly ones1 and between young ladies themselves4 ,an elderly lady1 as a general rule1 shakes hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being cordial and kind1 not to say condescending1 and girls generally shake hands with each other in place of bowing1 as acquaintanceships formed by them have not the importance that attaches to those of older ladies2 besides1 a greater readiness to make friends is the privilege and characteristic of youth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,men take very much the ,same ,view as regards introductions as do women--that is to say1 if an introduction is made by a relative of the man introduced1 the men would shake hands and not merely bow4 ,this holds equally good where intimate friends are concerned3 they almost rank on the footing of relations1 and a cordial reception is given to an introduction thus made4 ,when casual introductions are made of necessity rather than of intention men do not shake hands4 ,when ,i think you have met ,a4 or ,i think you know ,mr4 ,a4 is said--the one by a host and the other by a hostess--nothing further is required from either than a bow and a smile of acquiescence accepting the introduction and a disclaimer is not expected if ,mr4 ,a4 is not actually known4 ,the uncertainty is an excuse for making the introduction4 99 99 99 99 99 ,ladies do not rise from their ,seats on being introduced either at an ,at ,home or before dinner is announced1 or after dinner1 or when calling when people are introduced to them1 or when they themselves are introduced4 ,half an exception occurs1 it is true1 at crowded at homes1 when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a necessity3 there is no vacant seat for her to take1 and1 therefore1 if both do not stand1 conversation is at a deadlock1 as the few first conventional remarks made by either are lost in the general buzz going on around2 also1 it is awkward and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated for the purpose of saying a few platitudes4 ,introductory remarks1 or remarks following upon introductions1 have too often a melancholy ring of commonplaceness about them and are distinctly trite4 ,how can they be otherwise8 ,to venture out of the commonplace into originality would be suspicious of eccentricity1 and no one wishes to be considered a little odd4 99 99 99 99 99 ,before and after ,dinner1 when ,introductions are made between ladies it is to those seated near to each other1 and1 therefore1 there would be no occasion to rise1 as there might be at an at home4 ,there is no question of a lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her1 unless that man is her host1 when she should rise and shake hands with him1 or a clerical dignity--a bishop for instance1 if opportunity allows of it1 and on a semi-official occasion4 ,this question does not trouble men1 as they are usually found standing1 or they are brought up to a person to be introduced1 and even if a man ventures upon sitting down at an at home1 or before dinner is announced1 he springs to his feet with alacrity when any approach is made in the matter of introducing him to a fellow guest4 99 99 99 99 99 ,introductions often have to be made at ,afternoon ,calls1 supposing that two or three callers only are present and the hostess feels that she must render the talk general by making some kind of introduction1 direct or indirect1 as she thinks best4 ,the ladies thus introduced remain seated and bow4 ,they do not shake hands even under the exceptional conditions previously referred to1 but they would at once join in the talk that passes for conversation1 and on departure would shake hands with the relative in question after having shaken hands with the hostess and having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative--mother or sister1 or whoever she may happen to be4 99 99 99 99 99 ,introductions between ,callers made under enforced circumstances have not much bearing on future acquaintance4 ,those introduced pass so short a time in each other's company1 and know practically nothing of each other's surroundings1 that they are uncertain whether at future meetings they ought to recollect that such introductions have taken place1 and whether they should bow or forget4 ,actually it would be correct to bow if the opportunity is given so to do1 but unless the wish to bestow recognition is mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given1 and it would be worse still were it withheld4 ,some people have short memories for faces1 and others are short-sighted1 and both these drawbacks have to be reckoned with when expecting recognition from a person to whom one has been thus introduced4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,,leaving ,,cards ,the etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and intimacies1 to regulate and decide whom they will1 and whom they will not visit1 whom they will admit into their friendship1 and whom they will keep on the most distant footing1 whose acquaintance they wish further to cultivate and whose to discontinue4 ,it would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly understood1 and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the actual use of visiting cards3 ,the object of leaving cards is to signify that a call has been made1 due civility shown1 and a like civility expected in return4 ,leaving cards1 or card-leaving1 is one of the most important of social observances1 as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of all acquaintanceships4 ,leaving cards1 according to etiquette1 is the first step towards forming1 or towards enlarging1 a circle of acquaintances1 and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure step in the opposite direction4 ,the following is the received code of card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in good society by both ladies and gentlemen1 and should be faithfully followed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady's ,visiting ,card should be printed in small1 clear copper-plate script1 and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental or ,old ,english letters4 ,it should not be a thin card1 and should be three inches and five eighths in width1 and slightly under two and a half in depth4 ,the name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card1 and her address in the left-hand corner4 ,if she has a second address1 it should be printed in the opposite corner of the card4 ,if the second address is but a temporary one1 it is usually written and not printed4 ,a married lady should never use her christian name on a card2 but she should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father or elder brother is living4 ,it is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their names printed on the same card1 although at watering-places1 the practice of having the two names on the same card1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,dash1 is still occasionally followed2 but even when these cards are used1 a lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own4 ,a lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book1 in which to enter the names of her acquaintances1 and the date when their cards were left upon her1 with the dates of her return cards left upon them1 that she might know whether a card were due to her from them1 or whether it were due to them from her4 ,a lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book sufficient for the purpose2 a line should be drawn down the centre of every page1 dividing it into two columns1 the one column for the names1 and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned4 ,leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house2 a wife should leave cards for her husband1 as well as for herself2 and a daughter for her father4 ,the master of a house has little or no card-leaving to do1 beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends4 ,in the country it is otherwise1 and those who return home are called upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance1 unless under exceptional circumstances4 ,ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and friends to intimate that they have returned4 ,visiting cards should be left in person1 and should not be sent by post1 although in town1 when the distance is considerable1 it is tacitly allowed2 but1 as a rule1 ladies invariably leave their cards themselves4 ,on arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance often send their visiting cards to their various friends and acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,routine of ,card-leaving4--,as regards the routine of card-leaving4 ,when driving1 a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the mistress of the house at which she is calling is at home4 ,if not at home1 and it is a first call1 she should hand him three cards--one of her own1 and two of her husband's4 ,her card is left for the mistress of the house1 and her husband's cards for both master and mistress4 ,if not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and they are in the habit of meeting frequently4 ,if1 on the contrary1 they know each other but slightly1 and meet but seldom1 then two of his cards should be left4 ,this1 however1 not on every occasion of calling4 ,when a lady is merely leaving cards1 she should hand the three cards to her servant1 saying1 ,for ,mrs4 ----4 ,this ensures the cards being left at the right address1 and is the correct formula for the occasion4 ,when a lady is walking1 and finds the mistress of the house at which she calls is not at home1 she should act as above4 ,when a lady intends making a call she should ask if ,mrs4 ---- is at home8 ,and if the answer is in the affirmative1 she should1 after making the call1 leave two of her husband's cards on the hall table1 and neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room table1 nor offer them to her hostess1 all of which would be very incorrect2 but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the man-servant silently1 or she might send them in by her own servant when seated in her carriage1 saying1 ,for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,she should not leave her own card on the hall table1 as1 having seen the lady of the house1 the reason for doing so no longer exists4#a ,when a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of the house is at home1 the husband should leave one of his cards only1 for the absent master of the house2 when the master of the house is at home also1 a card in that case should not be left4 ,when the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters1 the lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card--the right-hand corner generally--to include the daughter or daughters in the call4 ,this custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the call4 ,a foreigner turns down the end of a card instead of one corner only1 which has not the same signification4 ,it is to denote that he has left it in person4 ,a lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of the house1 but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up sons of the house4 ,when a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some one with whom she is unacquainted1 she should only leave cards for her friend and not for her friend's hostess2 but if she is slightly acquainted with her friend's hostess1 she should leave cards upon her on the occasion of her first visit to her friend1 but it would not be necessary to do so at every subsequent visit1 especially if they were of frequent occurrence4 ,young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own2 their names should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card4 ,in the case of there being no mother living1 the daughter's name should be printed beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card1 but never on the smaller cards used by gentlemen4 ,when young ladies are taken out into society by relatives or friends1 their names should be written in pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting cards4 ,maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own1 but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age1 it argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own2 but when she no longer requires chaperonage1 she is entitled to a card of her own1 being clearly her own mistress1 and able to choose her own acquaintances4 ,when a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents1 and wishes to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is unacquainted1 she should leave her mother's card on which her own name is also printed1 and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to intimate that she was not with her on that occasion4 ,cards should always be returned within a week if possible1 or ten days at latest1 after they have been left1 but to do so within a week is more courteous4 ,and care must be taken to return the call or cards according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or leaving the card2 that is to say1 that a call must not be returned by a card only1 or a card by a call4 ,this is a point ladies should be very punctilious about4 ,should a lady of higher rank return a card by a call1 asking if the mistress of the house were at home1 her so doing would be in strict etiquette2 and should she return a call by a card only1 it should be understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest2 and should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself1 who had only left a card upon her1 her doing so would be a breach of etiquette4 ,in large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers in a book expressly kept for the purpose1 while some ladies merely desire their servant to sort the cards left for them4 ,the name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should never be written on the cards left at a house4 ,the only case in which it should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman staying at a crowded hotel1 when1 to save confusion1 and to ensure their receiving them1 their names should be written on them thus3 ,for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,but this would be quite an exceptional case1 otherwise to do so would be extremely vulgar4 99 99 99 99 99 ,leaving ,cards after ,entertainments4--,visiting cards should be left after the following entertainments3 balls1 receptions1 private theatricals1 amateur concerts1 and dinners1 by those who have been invited1 whether the invitations have been accepted or not1 and should be left the day after the entertainment if possible1 and certainly within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already described4 ,on these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to whether the hostess is at home1 although after a dinner-party it is the rule to ask if she is at home1 as to dine at a house denotes a greater intimacy than being present at a large gathering4 ,if the hostess were not at home1 cards should be left4 ,if a lady has been but once present at any entertainment1 whether the invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess herself1 the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own1 besides leaving cards on her the day following1 she can1 if she desires1 leave cards on her the following season1 or1 if residing in the same town1 within a reasonable time of the entertainment2 but if these cards are not acknowledged by cards being left in return1 she should of course understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further4 ,a lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea2 for instance1 she must meet her several times in society1 and feel sure that her acquaintance is desired1 before venturing to leave cards4 ,if two ladies are of equal rank1 tact will be their best guide as to the advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other2 the lady of superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases4 ,if either of the ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to call upon her1 the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank2 if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the suggestion4 ,but in either case the call should be paid within the week4 99 99 99 99 99 ,leaving ,cards upon ,new-comers4--,in the country the residents should be the first to leave cards on the new-comers1 after ascertaining the position which the new-comers occupy in society4 ,persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly1 and the return visits should be paid in like manner1 a card for a card1 a call for a call4 ,it is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers1 although having no previous acquaintance with them1 or introductions to them4 ,new-comers1 even if of higher rank1 should not call on residents in the first instance1 but should wait until the residents have taken the initiative4 ,if residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after the first meeting1 it is discontinued by not leaving cards1 or by not calling again1 and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only4 ,calling on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately1 and due consideration should be paid to individual status in society4 ,the lady of highest social position in the circle to which the new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on the new-comers4 ,by new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside in a county or town for a long1 or even for a short period1 and who are not casual visitors in the place4 ,the custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to county society1 and does not apply to residents in large towns and populous watering-places4 ,in old cathedral cities and quiet country towns1 far from the metropolis1 on the contrary1 the rule holds good of residents calling on new-comers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,cards ,to ,inquire4--,cards to inquire after friends during their illness should be left in person1 and should not be sent by post2 but they may be sent by a servant4 ,on a lady's visiting card should be written above the printed name3 ,to inquire after ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,when the person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in person1 the usual visiting card1 with many thanks for kind inquiries1 written above the printed name1 is the usual mode of returning thanks1 and is all-sufficient for the purpose4 99 99 99 99 99 ,p4,p4,c4 ,cards4--,formerly ,p4,p4,c4 cards were left within a week of departure1 or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one4 ,the letters ,p4,p4,c4 for pour prendre conge1 written at the lower corner of visiting cards1 indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards may be left in person or sent by a servant2 they can also be sent by post4 ,the object of leaving ,p4,p4,c4 cards is to avoid leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure1 and to prevent offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered4 ,in the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving ,p4,p4,c4 cards somewhat necessary2 under that period it would be unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount to an actual departure4 ,short absences render it unnecessary to leave ,p4,p4,c4 cards4 ,holiday movements at ,christmas1 ,easter1 and ,whitsuntide are thoroughly recognized1 and no leave-taking is obligatory4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are now seldom if ever left in town4 99 99 99 99 99 ,business ,calls4--,when a lady makes a strictly business call upon either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be taken to his master or mistress1 but on no other occasion should she do so4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gentlemen's ,visiting ,cards4--,a gentleman's card should be thin--thick cards are not in good taste--and not glazed1 and of the usual narrow width1 i4e4 one and a half inches in depth1 and three inches in width2 his name should be printed in the centre1 thus3 ,mr4 ,smith or ,mr4 ,francis ,smith1 should he require the addition of his christian name to distinguish him from his father or elder brother4 ,to have ,francis ,smith printed on the card without the prefix of ,mr4 would be in bad taste4 ,initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or printed on a card1 such as ,d4,l41 ,k4,c41 ,m4,p41 ,k4,c4,b41 ,m4,d41 etc4 ,military or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person bearing them1 and are always used1 such as ,colonel ,smith1 ,captain ,smith1 ,rev4 ,h4 ,smith1 ,dr4 ,smith1 etc4 ,as regards titles1 ,the ,honourable is the only title that is not used on a visiting card4 ,thus ,the ,honourable ,henry ,smith's card should bear the words ,mr4 ,henry ,smith only4 ,a ,baronet's card should be printed thus1 ,sir ,george ,smith1 and a ,knight's card thus1 ,sir ,charles ,smith4 ,a gentleman's address should be printed in the left hand corner of the card4 ,if a member of a club1 it is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand4 ,officers usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the place of the address1 and the regiment to which they belong at the right hand4 ,cards should be printed in small copper-plate script1 without ornamentation of any kind4 ,old ,english letters look old-fashioned on a card1 and are but little used2 and ornamental capital letters are never used1 and are out of date4 ,the lettering should be as plain and as free from any sort of embellishment as it well can be4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,routine of ,card-leaving for ,gentlemen4--,to bachelors card-leaving is an irksome routine of etiquette1 and is1 therefore1 in a measure often neglected1 by reason of their having little or no leisure at command during the afternoon hours4 ,this is now thoroughly understood and accepted in general society4 ,when1 however1 a bachelor has his way to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he has already made1 he should follow the rules of card-leaving4 ,bachelors1 as a rule1 are expected to leave cards on the master and mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are aware that the family have arrived in town2 or if a bachelor himself has been away1 he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after his return4 ,he should leave one card for the mistress of the house and one for its master4 ,a gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card1 even though he may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress of the house4 ,a gentleman should not leave a card for the young daughters of the house1 or for any young relative of its mistress who might be staying with her2 but if a married couple with whom he is acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling1 he should leave two cards for them1 one for the wife and one for the husband1 and should tell the servant for whom they are intended4 ,as regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances1 a gentleman should not leave his card upon a married lady1 or the mistress of a house1 to whom he has been introduced1 however gracious or agreeable she has been to him1 unless she expressly asks him to call1 or gives him to understand in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her4 ,this rule holds good1 whether the introduction has taken place at a dinner-party1 at a ball1 at an at home1 at a country-house gathering1 or elsewhere2 he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such slight acquaintanceship2 as1 if she desired his further acquaintance1 she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house1 in which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as convenient1 and he should also leave a card for the master of the house1 the lady's husband or father 7as the case may be71 even if he had not made his acquaintance when making that of the lady4 ,a gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been introduced1 but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is residing4 ,when the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight1 they should occasionally leave cards upon each other1 especially when they do not move in the same circle1 and are not otherwise likely to meet2 it generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is the one to leave his card first1 always supposing that the strength of the acquaintance would warrant his so doing4 ,the one of highest rank should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the other2 if the rank be equal1 it is a matter of inclination which calls first4 ,the rules of etiquette1 though stringent as regards acquaintances1 have little or no application as regards intimate friends2 friendship overrules etiquette4 ,when a bachelor has a number of intimate friends1 very little card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned4 99 99 99 99 99 ,leaving ,cards after ,entertainments4--,in the event of a gentleman receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance1 or from a new acquaintance1 or through some mutual friend1 he should leave his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the entertainment1 one for the mistress and one for the master of the house1 whether he has accepted the invitation or not4 ,between friends this rule is greatly relaxed4 ,it is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the hostess1 after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them1 whether it be a dinner-party1 or ball1 or at home1 etc4 ,whether he has been present or not1 the fact of his having been invited by them obliges him to pay them this civility1 although great latitude as regards time is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule4 ,if invited by a new acquaintance1 the cards should be left a few days after the entertainment1 but if by a less recent acquaintance they should be left within ten days or a fortnight1 but the earlier the cards are left the greater the politeness shown4 ,if a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment1 the same rule applies as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment4 ,when a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house of a new acquaintance1 whether the acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman1 it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on their arrival in town or elsewhere1 even though they may not have invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the year4 ,if during the following year they do not again invite him1 he might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call4 ,these complimentary calls made1 or rather cards left1 should not average more than four during the year4 99 99 99 99 99 ,memorial ,cards are out of date in society1 and consequently should not be sent to either relatives or friends4 ,a widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family4 ,her cards should be printed as during his lifetime4 ,,footnotes3 #a ,it is1 however1 permissible on the occasion of a first call to say1 ,i shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address2 or some such phrase4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,,paying ,,calls ,ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as regards both paying and receiving calls4 ,ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying calls1 brings many inconveniences in its train2 for instance1 when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance1 she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded from entertainments given by the said acquaintance4 ,when a call has not been made within a reasonable time1 a coldness is apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other4 ,some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently1 while with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to be subsequently dropped altogether4 ,the first principle of calling is1 that those who are the first to arrive in town should be the first to call upon their acquaintances to intimate their return4 ,morning calls1 so designated on account of their being made before dinner1 are1 more strictly speaking1 afternoon calls1 as they should only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock4 ,calls made in the morning--that is before one o'clock--would not come under the denomination of morning calls1 as they can only be made by intimate friends and not by acquaintances1 and are not1 therefore1 amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls1 which calls are regulated in a great measure--as to the hour of calling--by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who calls and the person called upon4 ,from three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for calling2 from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious hour2 and from five to six o'clock is the wholly friendly and without ceremony hour4 ,if a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance1 she should say to her servant1 ,ask if ,mrs4 ,a---- is at home4 ,when a lady is walking1 she should ask the same question herself4 ,when the answer is in the negative1 she should leave one of her own cards and one of her husband's1 and should say to the servant1 ,for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,a----4 ,when the answer is in the affirmative1 the lady should enter the house without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room4 ,the servant should go before the visitor1 to lead the way to the drawing-room1 and1 however accustomed a visitor may be to a house1 it is still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way1 and announce him or her to his mistress2 and this rule should not be dispensed with1 except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends4 ,at the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the visitor has reached the landing1 when the visitor should give his or her name to the servant1 ,mr4 ,a---- or ,mrs4 ,a----1 should the servant be unacquainted with it4 ,if the visitor calling bears the title of ,honourable it should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name1 neither should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor4 ,all titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them1 thus3 ,the ,duke and ,duchess of ,a----1 ,the ,marquis and ,marchioness of ,b----1 ,the ,earl and ,countess of ,c----1 ,viscount and ,viscountess ,d----1 ,lord and ,lady ,e----1 etc42 but a marchioness1 a countess1 or a viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would style herself ,lady ,a---- only4 ,a gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at home4 ,a servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing visitors4 ,the servant1 on opening the drawing-room door1 should stand inside the doorway1 he should not stand behind the door1 but well into the room2 facing the mistress of the house if possible1 and should say1 ,mr4 ,a----1 or ,mrs4 ,a----4 ,when the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor arrives1 the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance4 ,visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his mistress will be1 or where she is1 or what she is doing1 etc4 ,visitors are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances1 and should not enter into conversation with them4 ,formerly a gentleman when calling1 took his hat and stick in his hand with him into the drawing-room1 and held them until he had seen the mistress of the house and shaken hands with her4 ,he either placed them on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand1 according as to whether he felt at ease or the reverse1 until he took his leave4 ,many middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree1 and take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal calls4 ,the newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when calling4 ,to do this is now very general1 as hats are in the way if tea is going on2 besides1 men were apt to forget where they placed their hats1 and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of them4 ,at at homes1 small afternoon teas1 luncheons1 dinners1 etc41 the rule is the same1 and hats are left in the hall by invited guests4 ,a gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the drawing-room1 but leave it in the hall4 ,when gentlemen wear gloves1 they can take them off or keep them on as they please1 it is immaterial which they do1 but when a call is made when tea is going on1 it is more usual to take them off4 ,when the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is announced--and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons when she intends being at home should visitors call--she should rise1 come forward1 and shake hands with her visitor4 ,she should not ask her visitor to be seated1 or to take a seat1 but she might say1 ,where will you sit8 or1 ,will you sit here8 or something to this effect2 and should at once sit down and expect her visitor to do the same1 as near to herself as possible4 ,both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy demeanour during a morning call1 as a morning call is oftener than not a tete-a-tete1 and a tete-a-tete between two persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and savoir vivre to be sustained with ease and self-possession4 ,a fussy woman is without repose1 without dignity1 and without savoir vivre4 ,a hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums1 photographs1 books1 illustrated newspapers1 portfolios of drawings1 the artistic efforts of the members of the family1 and the like2 conversation being all that is necessary1 without having recourse to pictorial displays4 ,if not intimate enough to refer to family matters1 the conversation should turn on light topics of the hour4#b ,people unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above adventitious aids4 ,a hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of conversation to make the short quarter of an hour--which is the limit of a ceremonious call--pass pleasantly to her visitor4 ,the hostess should not offer her visitor any refreshments1 wine and cake1 for instance4 ,no refreshments whatever1 save tea1 should be offered to morning visitors2 they are not supposed to require them4 ,in the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers1 and to order tea for the ladies1 even though the call is made rather early in the afternoon1 and a little before the hour for having tea4 ,ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four2 but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room1 or if the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea1 she should naturally offer her visitor tea4 ,when the mistress of the house only expects a few callers1 tea is placed on a small table--a silver tray being generally used for the purpose4 ,the hostess should pour out the tea herself2 when a gentleman is present1 he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor1 otherwise the hostess should herself do so1 and then hand the sugar and cream1 without asking whether her visitors will have either1 unless she is preparing the cups of tea herself1 in which case she should ask the question4 ,when a second visitor arrives1 ten or fifteen minutes after the first visitor1 the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she conveniently can4 ,when the second visitor is a lady1 the hostess should rise and shake hands with her1 and then seat herself2 the first visitor1 if a lady1 should not rise2 if a gentleman1 he should do so4 ,a hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is announced2 this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few moments on his first entering the room4 ,the second visitor should at once seat him or herself near to the hostess4 ,she should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some especial reason for not doing so4 ,she could1 however1 in the course of conversation merely mention the name of each caller1 so that each may become aware of the name of the other4 ,this is now often done when formal introductions are not made4 ,if the hostess possesses tact1 and a facility and readiness of speech1 she should skilfully draw both callers into the conversation 7a subject which is fully enlarged upon in ,the ,art of ,conversing74 ,the hostess should not take this latter course unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each other4 ,when one visitor arrives immediately after the other1 the hostess should converse equally with both visitors1 and the lady who was the first to arrive should be the first to leave1 after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes4 ,when only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany her to the door of the drawing-room1 and linger for a few moments1 whilst the visitor is descending the stairs4 ,to do so would not be imperative1 but it would be courteous4 ,when the host is present he should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall2 this also is an optional civility1 and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the lady is held by host and hostess4 ,when two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands with the departing visitor2 but unless a person of greater consideration than the visitor who still remained seated1 she should not accompany her to the drawing-room door4 ,one visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take her leave4 ,when visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise and shake hands4 ,when one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise1 even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave2 he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing4 ,when two visitors1 either two ladies or two gentlemen1 have slightly conversed with each other during a morning call1 they should not shake hands with each other on leaving1 but should merely bow4 ,when they have not spoken to each other1 they should not bow4 ,when they have been formally introduced they should still only bow1 unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other4 ,when one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the drawing-room door for the departing visitor1 but he should not accompany her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so2 the visitor should bow to him and thank him1 but not shake hands with him4 ,when the hostess has shaken hands with a guest1 and before crossing the room with her1 she should ring the drawing-room bell1 that the servant may be in readiness in the hall to open the door4 ,she should ring the bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs4 ,it would be thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving4 ,in the country1 the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she may ring for her motor-car to come round4 ,when the hostess is in reach of the bell1 she should ring it for her2 when a gentleman is present1 he should do so4 ,on the servant's entrance1 the caller should say1 ,my motor-car1 please6 ,when a lady is calling on a friend1 the guest of some one with whom she herself is unacquainted1 or even but slightly acquainted1 she should in both cases ask if her friend is at home1 and not if the mistress of the house is at home2 and having paid her visit1 on leaving the house she should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her1 but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her4 ,when a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her1 if convenient1 she should1 when her guest expected visitors1 absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular time1 unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of herself and guest4 ,if she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable1 a formal introduction should be made1 but the mistress of the house1 after a very few minutes1 should make some excuse1 quietly leave the room1 and not return until after the departure of the visitor4 ,it would be inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself unless at her guest's particular request4 ,when a visitor is a gentleman1 and the guest a young unmarried lady1 the mistress of the house should remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her4 ,when the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest1 from whom she expected a visit1 when the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave1 the guest should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom she is staying4 ,if her visitor desires the introduction1 she should then ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that ,mrs4 ,a4 is in the drawing-room1 which message the hostess would understand to mean that her presence is desired1 and the introduction would then be made on her appearing4 ,an introduction1 if made in this manner1 could become the basis of a future acquaintance1 both ladies having had the option of refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed2 whereas a forced introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually appreciated each other4 ,in the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the neighbourhood1 who are unknown to her hostess2 if otherwise1 the hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them together when the call is made4 ,when a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving callers1 she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them1 according to the rank of either 7see ,chapter ,,ii474 ,when a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the acquaintance on whom she is calling1 she should not take her into the house with her while she makes her call1 unless she is a young lady1 or unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other1 or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become acquainted with each other4 ,husbands and wives occasionally pay calls together1 but oftener they do not4 ,a lady1 as a rule1 pays a call by herself1 unless she has a grown-up daughter1 when she should accompany her mother4 ,occasionally two ladies1 both intimate with the lady of the house1 pay their calls together4 ,a family party1 of father and mother and daughter1 or daughters1 rarely call in town together1 save under very exceptional circumstances2 but in the country a family party of three or four would1 as a matter of course1 call together2 it is country etiquette to do so4 ,a considerable difference exists with regard to ,sunday calls1 or calling on ,sundays4 ,ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on ,sundays2 it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a ,sunday1 it would rather be considered a liberty1 unless she were expressly asked to do so4 ,intimate friends1 on the contrary1 often make ,sunday a special day for calling1 and therefore1 ladies and gentlemen--more especially gentlemen--extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on ,sundays4 ,when a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only1 and not with their father or mother1 she should call on the daughters1 who should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of calling4 ,if the mother is not present1 the lady calling should leave cards for her2 and at all morning calls1 when the daughters of the house receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance1 in the absence of their mother1 whether from indisposition or any other cause1 cards should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling 7see ,chapter ,,iii474 ,in all cases1 when morning calls are made1 and the lady called on is not at home1 cards should be left according to the etiquette described in ,chapter ,,ii41 an etiquette which should be strictly observed2 when the lady called on is at home1 cards should be left for the gentlemen of the family1 according to the same rules of card-leaving1 which cannot be too punctiliously followed4 ,a mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before luncheon1 or before the hours for calling1 whether she intends to be at home to visitors or not during the afternoon4 ,not at home is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to see visitors4 ,not at home is not intended to imply an untruth1 but rather to signify that for some reason1 or reasons1 it is not desirable to see visitors2 and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors1 the formula of ,not at home is all-sufficient explanation1 provided always that a servant is able to give a direct answer at once of ,not at home when the query is put to him4 ,if a servant is not sure as to whether his mistress wishes to see visitors or not1 it is almost a direct offence to the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer1 and leaves her either sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall1 while ,he will see if his mistress is 'at home1' perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory answer that she is ,not at home2 in which case the intimation is almost received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of visitors4 ,if a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls1 the servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling1 and offer to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller2 and the caller should use her own discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not2 but unless the visit is one of importance1 it would be best in such a case only to leave cards4 ,when a second visitor calls1 a servant should not be permitted to say that his mistress is engaged with a lady1 or with a gentleman1 but should usher the second caller into the drawing-room1 as he has previously done the first caller4 ,he should not inquire as to whether his mistress will see the second caller or not4 ,neither should he inform the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress1 as ignorant servants are too apt to do4 ,it is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea2 tea only is given4 ,to offer coffee is a foreign fashion1 and not an ,english one4 ,morning callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have tea2 and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea1 or afternoon at home1 etc4 7,see chapter on ,afternoon ',at ,homes' p4 #aea47 ,the tea hour varies from #d to #d4cj o'clock4 ,when callers are present at #d o'clock1 tea should be brought in at that hour4 ,it should be placed upon a small table1 which is first covered with a white linen or damask tea-cloth4 ,the tea-tray should be large enough to hold1 in addition to the china1 silver teapot1 etc41 an urn for hot water1 which should be brought in and placed upon it4 ,a stand containing hot cakes1 an uncut cake1 small cakes1 tiny sandwiches1 and thin bread-and-butter should be placed near to the tea-table4 ,tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile upon the tea-tray1 they being in general use4 ,the hostess or her daughter should pour out the tea4 ,apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the newer fashion of what might be termed a round-table tea1 at which hostess and guests sit1 but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses at present1 on account of the space required1 if for no other reason4 ,the tea is served in a smaller drawing-room1 upon a large round or oval table1 which is covered with a white table-cloth1 upon which the tea-tray with all its contents is placed4 ,cakes1 hot and cold1 sandwiches1 pastry1 fruit1 jam1 bread-and-butter1 biscuits1 dry toast1 etc41 are given1 and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to what they require4 ,the hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as when guests are not seated in this way4 ,dessert plates and dessert knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small tea-plates1 to be taken as required4 ,,footnotes3 #b ,see work entitled ,the ,art of ,conversing4 ,,chapter ,v ,,precedency ,the order of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious dinner-parties1 when its correct observance should be strictly adhered to4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards ,precedency amongst ,royal ,personages1 the ,sovereign takes precedence of all others in the realm2 the ,king takes precedence of ,queen ,mary4 ,the ,prince of ,wales takes precedence of the ,duke of ,connaught4 ,queen ,alexandra takes precedence of the ,royal ,princesses4 ,the ,royal ,princesses take precedence of their husbands1 ,prince ,christian and the ,duke of ,argyll4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,precedency accorded to ,foreign ,royal ,personages in this country very much depends upon their individual rank4 ,imperial ,highnesses and ,royal ,highnesses take precedence of ,serene ,highnesses4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,precedency accorded to ,eastern ,princes is generally synonymous with that accorded to ,serene ,highnesses2 but in some instances the claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define1 that in official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to the amount of precedency to be allowed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards ,general ,precedency1 archbishops1 ambassadors1 ,the ,lord ,high ,chancellor1 ,the ,prime ,minister1 ,lord ,chancellor of ,ireland1 ,lord ,president of the ,council1 and ,lord ,privy ,seal1 take precedence of dukes2 dukes take precedence of earls1 and so on throughout the various degrees of nobility4 99 99 99 99 99 ,foreign ,ministers and ,envoys take precedence next after dukes1 in the order of their seniority of service in ,england4 ,in all cases where precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is necessary to refer to a ,peerage for date of creation of title1 as this actually decides all precedency4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for ,precedency due to ,baronets and their wives a ,baronetage should be consulted4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for ,precedency due to ,knights and their wives a ,knightage should be consulted in reference to each order of knighthood4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for the ,precedency due to the ,legal ,profession a ,law ,list should be consulted when it is not defined by office or birth4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for the ,precedency due to the ,clergy a ,clergy ,list should be consulted when superior preferment or birth does not define it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for the ,precedency due to ,officers in the army and navy an ,army ,list and a ,navy ,list should be consulted to determine the precedency due to each in the separate ,services4 99 99 99 99 99 ,officers should be sent in to ,dinner according to the dates of commission1 but no branch of the ,army takes precedence over the other as regards rank of officers2 that is to say1 a colonel of #aija1 of say1 a ,west ,india regiment1 would precede a colonel of ,guards1 artillery or cavalry of #aijb promotion4 ,drawn up on a brigade parade1 the cavalry take the right of the line2 thus3 ,artillery1 ,royal ,engineers1 footguards and regular regiments1 regiments and ,west ,india regiments1 in the order named in the ,army ,list4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards ,precedency between ,officers of the combined ,services a table of ,relative ,rank and ,precedency in the ,army and ,navy should be consulted1 as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks with a colonel in the army1 a lieutenant of the navy of eight years' standing ranks with a major in the army1 and a lieutenant under that standing in the navy1 ranks with a captain in the army1 etc4 ,consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of service in ,england and date of official arrival4 ,the ,foreign ,office ,list of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards the ,precedence due to ,widows bearing titles who have married again3 ,the widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy1 and the precedency due to the title is accorded to her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the ,widow of a ,duke marries a person of lower rank than that of her late husband1 she still retains her precedency4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,daughter of a ,peer if married to a baronet or a commoner retains her precedency1 but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in that of her husband4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,widow of a ,baronet married to a commoner retains her title by right and not by courtesy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,widow of a ,knight married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy only1 but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is accorded to her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the ,daughter of a ,duke marries a peer she takes the precedency due to the rank of her husband2 if she marries a commoner1 precedency is accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke4 99 99 99 99 99 ,age confers no ,precedency on either sex4 ,equals in rank from the highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title4 ,as1 for instance1 a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke1 if the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the aged duke4 ,the same rule applies equally to baronets and knights4 ,when two earls are present at a dinner-party1 the date of their respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due to them4 ,a host or hostess should always consult a ,peerage or a ,baronetage if in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles2 wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter1 it being strictly a question of date4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,precedence due to ,ladies of ,equal ,rank takes effect in the same manner4 ,thus1 a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears an earlier date4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the ,claims to ,precedency of ,persons of ,equal ,rank clash1 the claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady1 should the persons be of opposite sexes4 ,thus1 if two couples of superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party1 the host should take down the lady of highest rank1 and the hostess should be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank1 in which case the lady second in rank should go in to dinner before her husband1 although the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her husband4 99 99 99 99 99 ,esquires1 and the ,wives of ,esquires1 take precedence according to their social position4 ,members of ,parliament have no precedence1 though it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy1 especially in the county which they represent2 the wives of members of ,parliament are likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being members of ,parliament4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,high ,sheriff of a ,county takes precedence over all other gentlemen in the county1 of whatever rank1 save the lord-lieutenant1 according to the ,royal warrant issued by ,his late ,majesty ,king ,edward1 giving precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,high ,sheriff out of his particular county has no precedence1 neither has a lord-lieutenant2 and the wives of either lords-lieutenants or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands' official dignity4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,assize ,judge takes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize judge represents the ,sovereign of the ,realm4 99 99 99 99 99 ,clergymen1 ,barristers-at-,law1 officers in the army and navy take precedence over esquires on account of such rank2 and in each profession precedence should be accorded them according to dignity1 date of ordination1 date of call1 and date of commission in their several professions1 assuming that the rank is equal4 99 99 99 99 99 ,high ,clerical and ,legal ,dignitaries take special precedence2 for instance1 the ,archbishop of ,canterbury takes precedence of all dukes1 and the ,lord ,chancellor takes precedence of the ,archbishop of ,york1 who also takes precedence of dukes2 bishops take precedence of all barons1 whatever their date of creation4 ,the ,lord ,chief ,justice1 the ,master of the ,rolls1 when not peers1 and all judges of the ,high ,court of ,justice in their various divisions1 take precedence after ,privy ,councillors and before baronets and all knights1 save the ,knights of the ,garter4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,relative ,rank between ,officers of the ,army and ,navy and doctors of divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to be given them at a dinner-party4 ,dod places esquires by office1 which1 of course1 includes all officers of the army and navy1 next before the younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity1 who follow next in order2 while ,lodge places officers of the navy and army after the younger sons of knights bachelor1 clergymen1 and barristers-at-law4 99 99 99 99 99 ,precedency at ,dinner-,parties4--,when royalty is present at a dinner-party1 a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess1 and leads the way with the hostess1 the host following next with the princess4 ,on the other hand1 a princess of the blood royal takes precedence of a foreign prince--her husband--and leads the way with the host4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,host should take down the ,lady of ,highest ,rank1 and lead the way with her to the dining-room4 ,the guests should follow the host in couples according to the degree of precedence due to them1 and the hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest rank present4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,greater ,number of ,gentlemen than ladies are present at a dinner-party1 as is often the case1 these gentlemen should follow the hostess to the dining-room and not precede her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,widow or ,maiden ,lady is ,hostess1 and there is no gentleman of the family present to act as host1 the gentleman second in rank should take down the lady of highest rank1 leading the way with her to the dining-room1 the hostess following last1 with the gentleman of highest rank4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the ,case of either a ,husband's ,sister or a wife's sister being required to act as hostess1 precedence should be given to the wife's sister4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,eldest ,son's ,wife should take precedence of her husband's sisters in his father's house4 ,as regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess1 it should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the host or hostess1 although their relatives might be1 perhaps1 of higher rank than the guests themselves4 ,occasionally1 the eldest son of the house acts as second host1 taking down a lady second or third in rank2 but the daughters of the house should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present1 and in no case before them4 ,no precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a mother's rank4 ,no precedence is accorded to brides in society1 though occasionally in the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a house within three months of her marriage4 ,table of ,general ,precedency ,,gentlemen ,the ,king4 ,the ,prince of ,wales4 ,the ,sovereign's younger sons4 ,the ,sovereign's grandsons4 ,the ,sovereign's brothers4 ,the ,sovereign's uncles4 ,the ,sovereign's nephews4 ,ambassadors4 ,archbishop of ,canterbury4 ,lord ,high ,chancellor4 ,archbishop of ,york4 ,the ,prime ,minister4 ,lord ,chancellor of ,ireland4 ,lord ,president of the ,council4 ,lord ,privy ,seal4 ,dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices-- #a4 ,lord ,great ,chamberlain4 #b4 ,earl ,marshal4 #c4 ,lord ,steward4 #d4 ,lord ,chamberlain4 #e4 ,master of the ,horse4 ,dukes in order of their patents of creation-- #a4 ,dukes of ,england4 #b4 ,scotland4 #c4 ,dukes of ,great ,britain4 #d4 ,ireland created before the ,union4 #e4 ,dukes created since the ,union4 ,eldest sons of ,dukes of ,blood ,royal4 ,marquesses who may hold either of the ,offices of ,state named above4 ,marquesses in same order as ,dukes4 ,dukes' eldest sons4 ,earls holding either of the five ,offices of ,state4 ,earls in same order as ,dukes4 ,younger sons of ,dukes of ,blood ,royal4 ,marquesses' eldest sons4 ,dukes' younger sons4 ,viscounts who may hold either of the five ,offices of ,state4 ,viscounts in same order as ,dukes4 ,earls' eldest sons4 ,marquesses' younger sons4 ,bishop of ,london4 ,durham4 ,winchester4 ,other ,english ,bishops in order of their consecration4 ,moderator of the ,church of ,scotland4 ,barons holding either of the five ,offices of ,state4 ,barons who may be ,secretaries of ,state or ,irish ,secretary4 ,barons in same order as ,dukes4 ,the ,speaker of the ,house of ,commons4 ,treasurer of the ,household4 ,comptroller of the ,household4 ,vice-,chamberlain of the ,household4 ,secretaries of ,state below the rank of ,barons4 ,viscounts' eldest sons4 ,earls' younger sons4 ,barons' eldest sons4 ,commoners who are ,knights of the ,garter4 ,privy ,councillors of rank lower than the foregoing1 according to date they were sworn in4 ,chancellor of the ,exchequer4 ,duchy of ,lancaster4 ,lord ,chief ,justice of ,england4 ,master of the ,rolls4 ,lords ,justices of ,appeal and ,president of ,probate ,court4 ,judges of the ,high ,court of ,justice4 ,viscounts' younger sons4 ,barons' ,sons of ,life ,peers4 ,baronets according to dates of patents4 ,knights ,grand ,cross of ,bath4 ,knights ,grand ,commanders1 ,star of ,india4 ,knights ,grand ,cross of ,st4 ,michael and ,st4 ,george4 ,knights ,grand ,commanders of ,indian ,empire4 ,knights ,grand ,cross of ,royal ,victorian ,order4 ,knights ,commanders of above ,orders in same sequence4 ,knights ,bachelors of above ,orders in same sequence4 ,commanders of the ,royal ,victorian ,order4 ,judges of ,county ,courts in ,england and ,ireland1 and ,judges of the ,city of ,london ,court4 ,masters in ,lunacy4 ,companions of ,orders of ,bath1 ,star of ,india1 ,,ss4 ,michael and ,george1 and ,indian ,empire in same sequence4 ,members of #dth class of ,royal ,victorian ,order4 ,companions of ,distinguished ,service ,order4 ,eldest sons of younger sons of ,peers4 ,baronets' eldest sons4 ,knights' eldest sons1 in order of their fathers4 ,members of #eth class of ,royal ,victorian ,order4 ,younger sons of ,peers' younger sons4 ,baronets' younger sons4 ,knights' younger sons1 in order of their fathers4 ,naval1 ,military1 and other ,esquires by ,office4 ,gentlemen entitled to bear ,coat ,armour4 ,,ladies ,the ,queen4 ,the ,queen ,mother4 ,the ,sovereign's daughters4 ,wives of ,sovereign's younger sons4 ,sovereign's granddaughters4 ,wives of ,sovereign's grandsons4 ,sovereign's sisters4 ,wives of ,sovereign's brothers4 ,sovereign's aunts4 ,wives of ,sovereign's uncles4 ,sovereign's nieces4 ,wives of ,sovereign's nephews4 ,duchesses 7in same order as ,dukes74 ,wives of eldest sons of ,dukes of ,blood ,royal4 ,marchionesses4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,dukes4 ,daughters of ,dukes4 ,countesses4 ,wives of younger sons of ,royal ,dukes4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,marquesses4 ,daughters of ,marquesses4 ,wives of younger sons of ,dukes4 ,viscountesses4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,earls4 ,daughters of ,earls4 ,wives of younger sons of ,marquesses4 ,baronesses4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,viscounts4 ,daughters of ,viscounts4 ,wives of younger sons of ,earls4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,barons4 ,daughters of ,barons4 ,maids of ,honour4 ,wives of younger sons of ,viscounts4 ,wives of younger sons of ,barons4 ,daughters and sons' wives of ,life ,peers4 ,wives of ,baronets4 ,daughters of ,baronets4 ,wives of eldest sons of ,knights4 ,daughters of ,knights4 ,wives of younger sons of ,peers' younger sons4 ,wives of younger sons of ,baronets4 ,wives of younger sons of ,knights4 ,wives of ,esquires4 ,wives of ,gentlemen4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,,the ,,colloquial ,,application ,,of ,,titles ,the colloquial application of titles differs materially from the application of titles when not used colloquially1 and many persons are in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially of titles in full4 ,his ,majesty the ,king should be addressed as ,sir by all those who come in social contact with him2 and by all others as ,your ,majesty4 ,her ,majesty ,queen ,mary should be addressed as ,ma'm by all those who come in social contact with her2 and by all others as ,your ,majesty4 ,her ,majesty ,queen ,alexandra should be addressed as ,ma'm by all those who come in social contact with her2 and by all others as ,your ,majesty4 ,the ,prince of ,wales1 the ,duke of ,connaught1 and all princes of the blood royal1 should be addressed by the upper classes as ,sir4 ,the princesses of the blood royal1 should be addressed as ,ma'm by the upper classes4 ,the wives of the princes of the blood royal should also be addressed as ,ma'm by the upper classes4 ,all crowned heads visiting ,england should be addressed as ,sir by those socially known to them1 and as ,your ,majesty by all others4 ,the ,royal ladies1 their wives1 should be addressed as ,ma'm by those personally known to them1 and as ,your ,majesty by all others4 ,a foreign prince bearing the title of ,serene ,highness should be addressed as ,prince1 and not as ,sir1 by the aristocracy and gentry1 and as ,your ,serene ,highness by all other classes4 ,a foreign princess1 also bearing the title of serene highness1 should be styled ,princess when addressed colloquially by the upper classes1 but not as ,ma'am2 and as ,your ,serene ,highness by all other classes4 ,an ,english duke should be addressed as ,duke by the aristocracy and gentry1 and not as ,your ,grace by members of either of these classes4 ,all other classes should address him colloquially as ,your ,grace4 ,an ,english duchess should be addressed as ,duchess by all persons conversing with her belonging to the upper classes1 and as ,your ,grace by all other classes4 ,a marquess1 colloquially1 should be addressed as ,lord ,a4 ,a marchioness should be addressed as ,lady ,a4 by the upper classes4 ,it would be a mistake to address an ,english marquess as ,marquess1 or a marchioness as ,marchioness1 colloquially speaking4 ,all other classes should address them either as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship1 ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship4 ,an earl should be addressed as ,lord ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,a countess should be addressed as ,lady ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,a viscount should be addressed as ,lord ,c4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,a viscountess should be addressed as ,lady ,c4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ladyship by all other classes4 ,a baron should be addressed as ,lord ,d4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,a baroness should be addressed as ,lady ,d4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,in strictly official or business intercourse a marquess1 an earl1 a viscount1 a baron1 and a younger son of a duke or marquis1 should be addressed as ,my ,lord4 ,the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as ,lord ,a4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,the wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as ,lady ,a4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as ,lord ,john ,e4 or ,lord ,charles ,e4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,persons well acquainted with them would address them colloquially by their title and christian name1 as ,lord ,john or ,lord ,charles4 ,the same remark applies to their wives1 who are often colloquially addressed as ,lady ,alfred or ,lady ,edward4 ,the wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as ,lady ,john ,e4 or ,lady ,charles ,e4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the daughters of a duke should be addressed as ,lady ,mary ,a4 or ,lady ,elizabeth ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,lady ,mary and ,lady ,elizabeth by those intimate with them1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as ,lord ,a4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,the wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as ,lady ,a4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as ,lord ,henry ,b4 and ,lord ,frederick ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,the wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as ,lady ,henry ,b4 and ,lady ,frederick ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the daughters of a marquis should be addressed as ,lady ,florence ,b4 and ,lady ,sarah ,b4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as ,lord ,c4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord or ,your ,lordship by all other classes4 ,the wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as ,lady ,c4 by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the daughters of an earl should be addressed as ,lady ,blanche and ,lady ,evelyn by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the younger sons of earls1 and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts and barons1 only bear the courtesy title of honourable4 ,the daughters of viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable4 ,this title should never be used colloquially1 ,the ,hon4 ,cecil ,blank1 ,the ,hon4 ,mrs4 ,cecil ,blank1 and ,the ,hon4 ,mary ,blank1 should be styled ,mr41 ,mrs41 and ,miss ,mary ,blank4 ,baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname1 as ,sir ,john ,blank1 by the upper classes1 and by their titles and christian names only by all other classes4 ,baronets' wives should be addressed as ,lady ,b4 or ,lady ,c41 according to the surnames of their husbands3 thus1 ,sir ,john ,blank's wife should be addressed as ,lady ,blank by the upper classes1 not as ,lady ,john ,blank--to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife only--and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 ,the wives of knights should be addressed as ,lady ,b4 or ,lady ,c41 according to the surnames of their husbands3 thus1 ,sir ,john ,blank's wife should be addressed as ,lady ,blank by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lady or ,your ,ladyship by all other classes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in addressing ,foreigners of ,rank colloquially1 the received rule is to address them by their individual titles and surnames4 ,a prince or princess should be addressed by their full title3 thus1 ,prince ,munich1 or ,princess ,munich1 by the upper classes4 ,persons intimate with them usually address them as ,prince or ,princess1 as the case may be4 ,in the case of a prince being a younger son1 and not the reigning head of the house1 his christian name is generally used after his title when addressing him3 thus1 ,prince ,louis1 in lieu of ,prince only4 ,the same remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes4 ,they also should be addressed by their christian name1 in addition to their title of ,princess1 by the aristocracy and gentry1 and as ,your ,serene or ,your ,imperial ,highness1 according to their birth and title1 by all other classes4 ,a ,french duke should be addressed by his surname1 with the addition of monsieur3 thus1 ,monsieur de ,rouen1 by the upper classes1 and as ,monsieur le ,duc by all other classes4 ,a ,french duchess should be addressed by her surname1 with the addition of madame3 thus1 ,madame de ,rouen by the upper classes1 and as ,madame la ,duchesse by all other classes4 ,a marquis should be addressed by his surname1 with the addition of monsieur3 thus1 ,monsieur de ,harfleur by the upper classes1 and as ,monsieur le ,marquis by all other classes4 ,a marquise should be addressed by her surname1 with the addition of madame3 thus1 ,madame la ,harfleur by the upper classes1 and as ,madame la ,marquise by all other classes4 ,a comte should be addressed by his surname1 with the addition of monsieur3 thus1 ,monsieur de ,montpellier by the upper classes1 and as ,monsieur le ,comte by all other classes4 ,a comtesse should be addressed by her surname1 with the addition of madame3 thus1 ,madame de ,montpellier by the upper classes1 and as ,madame la ,comtesse by all other classes4 ,a vicomte should be addressed by his surname1 with the addition of monsieur3 thus1 ,monsieur de ,toulouse by the upper classes1 and as ,monsieur le ,vicomte by all other classes4 ,a vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname1 with the addition of madame2 thus1 ,madame de ,toulouse by the upper classes1 and as ,madame la ,vicomtesse by all other classes4 ,a baron should be addressed by his surname1 with the addition of monsieur3 thus1 ,monsieur d',avignon by the upper classes1 and as ,monsieur le ,baron by all other classes4 ,a baronne should be addressed by her surname1 with the addition of madame3 thus1 ,madame d',avignon by the upper classes1 and as ,madame la ,baronne by all other classes4 ,a young unmarried lady should be addressed as ,mademoiselle d',avignon by the upper classes1 and as ,mademoiselle by all other classes4 ,in ,german titles the distinction of ,von before the surname is seldom used colloquially1 the title and surname being used without the prefix of ,von4 ,thus1 ,count von ,ausberg should be addressed as ,count ,ausberg in conversation1 and not as ,monsieur le ,comte4 ,foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname1 and not by their title only1 and the prefix ,von should be omitted2 but in the case of a ,french or ,italian title the de or de la before the surname should on no account be omitted4 ,when ,englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they would1 in conversation1 probably address them by their surnames2 but only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards addressing the ,clergy1 an archbishop should be addressed colloquially as ,archbishop by the upper classes1 and as ,your ,grace by the clergy and all other classes4 ,a bishop should be addressed colloquially as ,bishop by the upper classes1 and as ,my ,lord by the clergy and all other classes4 ,a dean should be styled ,dean ,blank or ,dean1 by the upper classes1 and as ,mr4 ,dean by the clergy4 ,an archdeacon should be addressed as ,archdeacon ,blank1 and a canon as ,canon ,blank4 ,the wives of archbishops1 bishops1 and deans should be respectively addressed as ,mrs4 ,a41 ,mrs4 ,b41 or ,mrs4 ,c4 ,they take no title from the spiritual rank of their husbands4 99 99 99 99 99 ,officers in the ,army should be respectively addressed as ,general ,a41 ,colonel ,b41 ,major ,c41 or ,captain ,d41 and not as ,general1 ,colonel1 or ,major1 except by their very intimate friends4 ,the wives of officers should be addressed as ,mrs4 ,a41 ,mrs4 ,b41 ,mrs4 ,c41 or ,mrs4 ,d4 ,they should never be addressed as ,mrs4 ,general ,a41 ,mrs4 ,colonel ,b41 ,mrs4 ,major ,c41 or ,mrs4 ,captain ,d4 ,a lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only1 as ,jones1 ,brown1 or by whatever his surname might be1 or speak of him without the prefix of ,mr4 ,the usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as ,mr4 ,brown1 or ,my husband1 except to intimate friends1 when the christian name only is frequently used1 and to address him by his christian name only4 ,a wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his surname1 as ,mr4 ,b4 or ,mr4 ,p42 neither should a husband address his wife by the initial letter of his surname4 ,when intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only1 and such cases1 of course1 do not come within the rules of etiquette4 ,peeresses frequently address their husbands1 and speak of them1 by the name attached to their title1 in place of using their christian or family name4 ,thus1 the ,earl of ,blankshire would be styled ,blankshire by his wife1 without the prefix of ,lord1 and his usual signature would be ,blankshire1 without the addition of any christian name4 ,baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames1 but by their christian names1 and should speak of them as ,sir ,george or ,sir ,john4 ,the wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their surnames1 but by their christian names1 and should speak of them as ,sir ,george or ,sir ,john4 ,the ,lord ,mayor should be addressed as ,lord ,mayor1 colloquially1 and the ,lady ,mayoress as ,lady ,mayoress1 unless the ,lord ,mayor during office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood1 when he should be addressed as ,sir ,john or ,sir ,henry1 and his wife as ,lady ,a4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,points ,,of ,,etiquette ,,as ,,regards ,,royal ,,personages ,general society is now very frequently brought into contact with royalty--members of the ,royal ,family of ,england and members of various royal families of ,europe4 ,with ,his ,majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards the general public1 and persons possessing special interest are constantly brought into communication with him4 ,strict ,court etiquette is greatly in abeyance1 and laid aside by ,his ,majesty when paying visits to personal friends1 or when receiving visits from the same4 ,the geniality of the ,english princes and princesses is everywhere acknowledged1 and the restrictions of ,court etiquette are frequently relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and gentry4 ,the etiquette that reigns in foreign ,courts--,austria1 ,russia1 ,greece1 etc4--is seldom waived1 and is adhered to with much punctilio4 ,so much so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores1 that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their company1 in town or country1 at dinner1 ball1 or country-house party4 ,on the other hand1 many royal personages who occasionally visit ,england are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general4 ,when royal personages visit ,london for a few weeks1 whether located at palace1 embassy1 or hotel1 it is etiquette for any person who is personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their ,court or cabinet1 or who has been presented at their ,court1 to leave cards on them and write their names in their visiting books4 ,persons still higher in the social scale1 give receptions in their honour1 and invite them to stay at their princely mansions4 ,when such visits are paid1 the principal neighbours are usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner1 ball1 or reception1 and on the invitation card is written1 ,to meet ,h4,r4,h4 the ,crown ,prince of ----1 or ,her ,serene ,highness the ,grand ,duchess of ----1 etc42 but a hostess exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues4 ,if a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the mansion1 but if dinner invitations only are issued1 then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favoured few4 ,the neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the royal visitors1 even if calls are due4 ,the principal people of a county who happen to be present at an entertainment1 either dinner or dance1 are usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess1 permission to do so having been first solicited4 ,when the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction1 it would only be necessary to say1 ,may ,i present ,lord ,a41 or ,general ,b41 to you1 ,sir8 but if the person to be presented has no particular claim to the honour beyond being popular in the county1 the request should be prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be presented4 ,when the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the royal guests1 they usually shake hands on the presentation being made1 and enter into conversation with them2 otherwise they merely bow1 and make one or two passing remarks4 ,a house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is more or less acquainted4 ,when the party includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests1 he or she should be presented on the first opportunity4 ,the members of the ,royal ,family have each1 more or less1 their particular set1 as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit this country1 and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those moving in the set of the expected prince4 ,for the proper mode of addressing royal personages1 see ,chapter ,,vi4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards royal invitations1 all invitations from the ,sovereign are commands1 and must be answered and obeyed as such1 and the word command must be made use of in answering such invitations4 ,if any reason exists for not obeying ,his ,majesty's commands it should be stated4 ,invitations from members of the ,royal ,family are treated by courtesy as commands1 but in replying to such invitations the word command should not be used4 ,the answers to such invitations should be addressed to the ,comptroller of the ,household1 by whom they are usually issued4 ,answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person1 and reasons given for non-acceptance4 ,a previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a royal invitation2 only personal indisposition or serious illness1 or death of near relatives1 would be adequate reasons for not accepting a royal invitation4 ,when a royal invitation is verbally given1 the answer should be verbal also4 ,at all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall4 ,in the case of serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by him to the hostess2 this rule equally applies to the reception of eastern princes4 ,the etiquette to be observed on the departure of royal personages is identical with that observed on their arrival4 ,with regard to inviting members of the ,royal ,family to assist at the opening of any public undertaking1 the request should be made through the ,comptroller of the ,household of the prince who is to be invited1 or through his secretary1 and the same rule equally applies to both prince and princess4 99 99 99 99 99 ,indian ,princes4--,the exact status of ,indian princes has never been actually laid down1 but all who are ,highnesses are given precedence at the ,english ,court and in society after the ,royal ,family and foreign princes4 ,in the procession at ,court entertainments they go in front of ambassadors4 ,no ,indian prince is considered to be of blood royal1 and they do not stand in the line at levees and ,courts1 but all have the private ,entree4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,,points ,,of ,,etiquette ,,when ,,travelling ,,abroad1 ,,and ,,presentations ,,at ,,foreign ,,courts ,the acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable service to ,english people purposing to winter abroad1 or to remain for any length of time in a continental city1 as by its means they obtain an entrance into foreign society4 ,an introduction to the ,english ,ambassador or ,minister at a foreign ,court is of still greater service in this matter4 ,people of recognised position in society have the privilege of leaving cards at the ,english ,embassy at any foreign city in which they intend making a temporary stay4 ,so thoroughly is the position of ,english travellers known to the ,english ,ministry at a foreign ,court1 that should a person1 who is not received in ,english society1 leave cards at the ,english ,embassy1 they would be at once returned as an intimation that the acquaintance is declined4 ,it is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon foreigners of distinction1 an acquaintanceship can be commenced1 for unless introductions have been formally made1 leaving cards is a useless proceeding4 ,at far-away spots little frequented by the general run of travellers1 and where there are but few1 if any1 resident ,english1 travellers requiring advice or assistance from the ,english consul1 can1 without an introduction1 call upon him1 nationality being the ground upon which to do this1 and if of equal social standing1 they would be received with social consideration2 if otherwise1 all assistance would be given to them from an official point of view4 ,many people when travelling abroad make pleasant acquaintances even without the help of introductions1 the occasion of a meeting being as it were a semi-introduction in itself4 ,such casual acquaintanceships are1 however1 attended with certain risks1 especially to persons who have been absent from ,england some little time1 or who when in ,england have entered comparatively but little in society1 and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships with people perhaps well bred and agreeable1 although tabooed at home for some good and sufficient reason4 ,contretemps such as these are painful to kind-hearted people when subsequently compelled to avoid and to relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have become pleasantly intimate4 ,an introduction to an ,english resident in either town or city obviates any unpleasantness of this nature1 as one so situated is generally kept au courant with all that takes place in society at home4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when persons desire to enter into society abroad they endeavour to obtain letters of introduction from friends and acquaintances to residents in the cities they purpose visiting4 ,unless ,english travellers have been duly presented at the ,court of ,st4 ,james's1 they cannot obtain presentations at foreign ,courts through the ,english ,embassies4 ,when a lady desires a presentation at a foreign ,court1 she should write to the ,english ,ambassadress and request the honour of a presentation1 and should state the date of her presentation and the name of the lady by whom she was presented4 ,after her statement has been duly verified the request is granted4 ,in a like manner when a gentleman desires a presentation at a foreign ,court1 he should write to the ,ambassador and request the honour of a presentation1 and should state the date of the ,levee at which he was presented1 and the name of the person by whom the presentation was made4 ,presentations at foreign ,courts take place in the evening1 and the persons to be presented1 and those who attend1 assemble previous to the entrance of the royal personages3 the rule is for the grand maitresse to present each lady in turn to her royal mistress1 who makes the tour of the apartment for this purpose1 and addresses some courteous observation to each4 ,,chapter ,,ix ,,the ,,received ,,mode ,,of ,,pronouncing ,,certain ,,surnames ,there are1 perhaps1 two reasons why various surnames are so frequently mispronounced1 the one being unfamiliarity with the freak of fashion which governs the pronunciation of certain well-known names1 the other ignorance1 or want of education4 ,when sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently from the way in which they have themselves but just pronounced it1 and in a tone and manner strongly suggestive of correction1 it is wounding to their amour propre4 ,as a rule1 when persons are in doubt as to the correct pronunciation of any particular name1 it would be best to avoid mentioning it1 if possible1 until their doubts are set at rest by some one better informed than themselves4 ,names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation1 or are pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt1 are but few1 and names which it is possible wrongly to accent are also not very numerous2 but it is surprising how often these names occur in the course of conversation4 ,the names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation occur far oftener in conversation than do the general run of uncommon surnames4 ,there are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of which the names are open to considerable mispronunciation4 ,with regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable in the pronunciation of names1 it requires but little thought to avoid making this mistake1 a popular error being that of placing the accent upon the last syllable of a name2 whereas1 in a name of two syllables1 the accent should invariably be placed upon the first1 and the second syllable should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly altered4 ,in names of three syllables the error usually consists in placing the accent upon the last syllable1 whereas the accent should be placed upon the second syllable4 ,there are occasional exceptions to this rule1 and the few names given in this chapter1 both as regards their pronunciation and accentuation1 will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation of uncommon names4 ,,spelt4 ,,pronounced4 ,,remarks4 ---------------------------------------- --------------------------- ,abergavenny4 ,abergen'ny4 ,av not sounded4 ,arbuthnot4 ,arbuth'not4 ,arundel4 ,arrandel4 ,beaconsfield4 ,beckonsfield4 ,beauchamp4 ,bea'cham4 ,beauclerk or ,bo'clair4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,beauclerc4 ,belvoir4 ,be'ver4 ,berkely4 ,bark'ley4 ,bethune4 ,bee'ton4 ,bicester4 ,bis'ter4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,blount4 ,blunt4 ,blyth4 ,bly4 ,th not sounded4 ,bourke4 ,burk4 ,bourne4 ,burn4 ,bowles4 ,boles4 ,breadalbane4 ,breaddal'bane4 ,accent on second syllable4 ,brougham4 ,broum4 ,buchan4 ,buck'an4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,burdett4 ,burdett'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,burnett4 ,burnett'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,bury4 ,berry4 ,calderon4 ,cal'dron not ,cauldron4 ,charteris4 ,charters4 ,cholmeley4 ,chum'ley4 ,cholmondeley4 ,cirencester4 ,cis'ester4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,clanricarde4 ,clanrecarde4 ,accent on second syllable4 ,cockburn4 ,coburn4 ,ck not sounded4 ,colquhoun4 ,kohoon'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,conynham4 ,cunyingham4 ,coutts4 ,koots4 ,cowper4 ,cooper4 ,dalziel4 ,dee'al4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,derby4 ,darby4 ,des ,vaux4 ,deveu4 ,the x not sounded4 ,devereux4 ,devereu4 ,the x not sounded4 ,dillwyn4 ,dil'lun4 ,the wy takes the sound of u2 the accent on first syllable4 ,duchesne4 ,dukarn4 ,du ,plat4 ,du ,plar4 ,elgin4 ,the g hard as in give4 ,eyre4 ,air4 ,fildes4 ,filedes4 ,not ,filldes4 ,fortescue4 ,fort'iskew4 ,geoffrey4 ,jefrey4 ,geoghegan4 ,gaygan4 ,gifford4 ,jifford4 ,the g soft as in ,george4 ,gillett4 ,g hard as in ,gilbert4 ,gillott4 ,g hard4 ,glamis4 ,glarms4 ,gorges4 ,gor'jes4 ,first g hard and second g soft4 ,gough4 ,goff4 ,gower4 ,gor4 ,but ,gower as regards the street of that name with the general public4 ,harcourt4 ,har'kut4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,heathcote4 ,heth'kut4 ,hertford4 ,har'ford4 ,home4 ,hume4 ,hughes4 ,hews4 ,jervis4 ,jarvis4 ,johnstone4 ,the t not sounded4 ,kennaird4 ,kennaird'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,kennard4 ,kennard'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,ker4 ,kar4 ,knollys4 ,knowls4 ,layard4 ,laird4 ,leconfield4 ,lek'onfield4 ,lefevre4 ,lefavre4 ,leigh4 ,lee4 ,lyvedon4 ,livden4 ,macnamara4 ,macnemar'ar4 ,accent on third syllable4 ,mainwaring4 ,man'nering4 ,marjoribanks4 ,marshbanks4 ,mc,intosh4 ,makintosh4 ,mc,leod4 ,mc,cloud4 ,menzies4 ,myng'es4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,meux4 ,mews4 ,the x sounded as s4 ,millais4 ,mil'lay4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,milnes4 ,mills4 ,molyneux4 ,the x sounded with slight accent on last syllable4 ,monck4 ,munk4 ,monckton4 ,munk'ton4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,monson4 ,munson4 ,montgomerie or ,mungum'ery4 ,accent on second syllable4 ,montgomery4 ,mowbray4 ,mobrey4 ,nigel4 ,ni'jel4 ,ouless4 ,ooless4 ,parnell4 ,parnell'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,pepys4 ,pep'is4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,pierrepont4 ,pierpont4 ,ponsonby4 ,punsonby4 ,pontefract4 ,pomfret4 ,pugh4 ,pew4 ,pytchley4 ,pytch'ley4 ,not ,pitchley4 ,ruthven4 ,riv'en4 ,sandys4 ,sands4 ,st4 ,clair4 ,sinclair4 ,st4 ,maur4 ,see'mor1 or ,s'nt ,maur4 ,st4 ,john4 ,sinjin4 ,as regards christian and surname1 but as ,st4 ,john when applied to church or locality4 ,seymour4 ,sey'mer4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,strachan4 ,strawn4 ,tadema4 ,tad'ymar4 ,accent on first syllable4 ,tollemache4 ,tollmash4 ,trafalgar4 ,trafalgar'4 ,accent on last syllable2 as regards the peer of that name1 not otherwise4 ,tredegar4 ,trede'gar4 ,accent on second syllable4 ,tremayne4 ,tremayne'4 ,accent on last syllable4 ,tyrwhitt4 ,tirritt4 ,vaughan4 ,vorn4 ,vaux4 ,the x sounded4 ,villbois4 ,vealbwor4 ,villiers4 ,vil'lers4 ,waldegrave4 ,wal'grave4 ,the de not sounded4 ,wemyss4 ,weems4 ,willoughby ,d',eresby4 ,willowby ,d',ersby4 ,,chapter ,x ,,presentations ,,at ,,courts ,,and ,,attending ,,courts ,courts are now held in lieu of ,drawing-rooms by ,their ,majesties the ,king and ,queen at ,buckingham ,palace1 and at which ,presentations to ,their ,majesties are made4 ,these ,courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock1 but the hour at which the company should commence to arrive is intimated by the ,lord ,chamberlain in the notice issued of the ,courts to be held4 ,two ,courts are usually1 but not invariably1 held before ,easter1 and two more after ,easter4 ,ladies who have been presented at ,drawing-rooms and ,courts1 held during the last two reigns1 do not require to be again presented to ,their ,majesties the ,king and ,queen2 thus1 ladies who have already been presented at these ,drawing-rooms1 and who are desirous of being invited to one or other of these ,courts1 and who are also desirous of making presentations1 should send in their names and the names of those to be presented by them to the ,lord ,chamberlain1 ,st4 ,james's ,palace1 ,s4,w41 on the #ast of ,january in each year1 but not before that date4 ,ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time when it will be most convenient to them to pay their respects to ,their ,majesties4 ,if it should not be convenient for a lady to attend or be presented at the particular ,court to which she is invited1 it will be open to her to make her excuses to the ,lord ,chamberlain in writing1 when her name can1 if desired1 and if possible1 be transferred to another list4 ,a lady who makes a presentation to ,their ,majesties1 must be personally acquainted with and responsible for the lady she presents4 ,she must herself attend the ,court1 and cannot present more than one lady in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law4 ,the numbers received at each ,court being necessarily limited1 ladies can only receive occasional invitations4 ,therefore1 those who cannot be included in the year's list of invitations will receive an intimation to this effect from the ,lord ,chamberlain in answer to their applications to attend4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,persons entitled to be presented at ,their ,majesties' ,courts are the wives and daughters of the members of the aristocracy1 the wives and daughters of those holding high official appointments in the ,government1 the wives and daughters of ,members of ,parliament1 the county gentry and town gentry1 the wives and daughters of the members of the legal1 military1 naval1 clerical1 medical1 and other professions1 the wives and daughters of merchants1 bankers1 and members of the ,stock ,exchange1 and persons engaged in commerce on a large scale4 ,although the word gentry is thus elastic1 and although persons coming within the category might be fairly entitled to the privilege of attending ,courts1 yet it is well understood that birth1 wealth1 associations1 and position give a raison d'etre for such privilege2 as1 for instance1 the wife and daughters of an officer in the navy or a line regiment1 whose means are slender1 and whose position is obscure1 would not be justified for these reasons in attending a ,court1 although the officer himself might attend a levee if desirous of doing so2 and this remark equally applies to the wives and daughters of clergymen1 barristers1 and others similarly situated4 99 99 99 99 99 ,presentations to ,their ,majesties are made officially by the various foreign ambassadresses1 by the wives of the members of the ,cabinet1 and by the wives of other official personages in various departments of the ,state1 either civil1 military1 naval1 or clerical4 ,presentations at each of ,their ,majesties' ,courts are now limited by royal command4 ,presentations to ,their ,majesties should be made either by a relative or a friend of the lady presented who has herself been previously presented4 ,a lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at a ,court in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law4 ,this restriction does not apply to ladies who1 from official position or other circumstances1 are specially privileged to make presentations to ,their ,majesties4 ,when a presentation is not made officially or by a near relative it is considered a favour on the part of the person making the presentation towards the person presented4 ,the responsibility of a presentation rests upon the person who makes it1 both as to the social and moral fitness of the person presented2 therefore1 to solicit the favour of a presentation from a friend is to incur a considerable obligation1 and it is a favour ladies have no hesitation in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it4 ,when presentations are made through official channels the responsibility rests upon the office rather than upon the person making the presentation2 hence presentations so made have little personal significance to the person making them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady having been presented on her ,marriage has the privilege of attending1 by invitation1 any subsequent ,court1 but ladies who have no official position will only be allowed to attend a ,court by summons every third year4 ,on the accession of her husband to any title1 she would again have to be presented1 and should she marry a second time another presentation would be necessary to entitle her to attend one of ,their ,majesties' ,courts4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is the ,privilege of the ,married ,lady to make ,presentations1 but should any person be presented whose antecedents or present position renders her socially unqualified to be presented1 the ,lord ,chamberlain1 on becoming aware of the fact1 would at once cancel the presentation1 and officially announce it in the ,gazette1 and the person making such presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so doing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,an ,unmarried ,lady does not possess the ,privilege of making a presentation1 however high her rank may be4 ,she is not permitted to attend any subsequent ,courts after first presentation until three years have elapsed2 save under exceptional circumstances4 ,four ,courts are held during each year at ,buckingham ,palace1 two before and two after ,easter1 but due intimation is given previous to each ,court being held by the ,lord ,chamberlain through the medium of the official ,gazette1 from whence it is copied into the newspapers4 ,the wives of members of the ,cabinet and of the ambassadors or ministers at the ,court of ,st4 ,james's usually attend at each ,court1 and have the privilege of doing so by reason of the official presentations made by them at each ,court4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is compulsory for a ,lady making a presentation to be herself present at the ,court at which the presentation is to be made1 though it is not necessary for her to accompany the person whom she presents1 but simply to attend the same ,court4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,lady intends making a ,presentation she should1 on or after the #ast of ,january write to the ,lord ,chamberlain and inform him of a wish to attend a ,court1 and forward the name of the lady to be presented by her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,ladies are not expected to attend ,court more than once in every three years1 unless under exceptional circumstances4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady attending a ,court may present one lady in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady presented for the ,first ,time can only present her daughter or daughter-in-law at the ,court at which she is presented4 99 99 99 99 99 ,no ,applications can be received from ladies who wish to be presented4 ,their names must be forwarded by the ladies who wish to make the presentations4 99 99 99 99 99 ,summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each ,court4 ,ladies may be accompanied to ,court by their husbands if the latter have been presented1 but gentlemen do not pass before the ,king and ,queen4 ,ladies are requested to forward the names of their husbands at the same time as their own1 in order that they may be submitted together1 as once the summons has been issued the amending of a summons card in order to include a lady's husband can only be permitted under the most exceptional circumstances4 99 99 99 99 99 ,those who have the ,privilege of the ,entree enter at the gate of the ,palace situated outside ,buckingham ,gate4 ,those who possess this privilege are the diplomatic circle1 the ,cabinet ministers and their wives1 and the members of the ,household4 ,the rooms1 two in number1 next to the ,presence ,chamber1 are appropriated to them4 ,all who have the privilege of the entree are received by ,their ,majesties before the general circle1 and according to their individual precedency1 and they have also the privilege of making the first presentations4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,lady arrives at the ,palace she should leave her wraps in the cloak-room with one of the maids in attendance4 ,after crossing the ,great ,hall1 she then makes her way up the ,grand ,staircase to the ,corridor1 where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting1 and then passes on to one of the saloons4 ,when a lady arrives early she gains admission to the saloon next to those reserved for the entree4 ,when she arrives late she has to take her place in a further room of the suite according to the number of persons present4 ,the gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each room close the gilt barriers when they consider the saloons are full4 ,chairs and benches are placed in the corridor and in these saloons for the accommodation of ladies thus waiting their turn to enter the ,throne-room or ,presence ,chamber4 ,as the ladies quit each room for the ,presence ,chamber1 others take their places1 and the barriers are again closed1 and this is continued until every one has been received4 ,a lady has to pass through the two entree saloons before reaching the ,picture ,gallery4 ,at the door of the ,picture ,gallery a lady's train1 which she has hitherto carried on her arm1 is let down by two officials in attendance1 and spread out by them with their wands2 she should cross the gallery with her train down to the ,presence ,chamber1 at the door of which she should give the card of invitation she has brought with her to the official stationed there to receive it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady on being presented1 curtsys to the ,king and curtsys to the ,queen4 ,the ,king bows in return1 as does also the ,queen4 ,a lady presented does not kiss the ,queen's hand1 as she formerly did4 ,the ,king does not shake hands with any present1 however high their rank may be1 neither does the ,queen shake hands with any present4 ,a lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any member of the ,royal ,family when she has passed ,their ,majesties1 and leaves the ,presence ,chamber1 stepping backwards1 facing the royal party1 until making her exit from the apartment1 when an official places her train on her arm at the threshold of the doorway4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,lady wishes to attend a ,court1 after having been duly presented1 it is necessary to inform the ,lord ,chamberlain of her wish to attend4 ,summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each ,court4 ,having received a summons to attend a ,court she should take the summons card with her1 which she should show to the page-in-waiting in the corridor1 and eventually hand it to the official stationed at the door of the ,presence ,chamber1 by whom it is passed on to the ,lord ,chamberlain1 who announces the name to ,their ,majesties4 ,a lady attending a ,court curtsys to the ,king2 she also curtsys to the ,queen1 but does not curtsy to any other member of the ,royal ,family present4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the ,general ,circle there is no ,precedency as to the order in which ladies attending a ,court enter the ,presence ,chamber4 ,the earliest arrivals are the first to appear before ,their ,majesties1 without reference to rank or position2 and the same rule applies to ladies who are presented1 or to ladies who make presentations4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,married ,lady presented at a ,court can1 at the same ,court1 present her daughter or daughter-in-law2 but in this case the one presented by her should enter the ,presence ,chamber after her1 and not before her4 ,although1 according to present regulations1 the unmarried daughters of members of the nobility and gentry who have already been presented are only expected to attend a ,court once in every three years1 it will not prevent their being invited to ,court functions1 to the ,state balls1 concerts1 and garden parties4 99 99 99 99 99 ,ladies who have been presented at a ,court have the privilege of writing their names in ,their ,majesties' visiting book at ,buckingham ,palace once during the season4 ,the hours of calling for this purpose are generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is ,imperative for ,ladies to wear ,full ,court ,dress when attending or being presented at a ,court1 viz4 low bodice1 short sleeves1 and train to dress not less than three yards in length from the shoulders4 ,whether the train is cut round or square is a matter of inclination or fashion4 ,the width at the end should be #ed inches4 ,it is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be white1 if the person presented be an unmarried lady2 and it is also the fashion for married ladies to wear white on their presentation1 unless their age renders their doing so unsuitable4 ,the white dresses worn by either debutantes or married ladies may be trimmed with either coloured or white flowers1 according to individual taste4 99 99 99 99 99 ,high ,court ,dress4--,the ,queen has been pleased to permit that a high ,court dress of silk1 satin1 or velvet1 may be worn at ,their ,majesties' ,courts1 and on other ,state occasions1 by ladies1 to whom1 from illness1 infirmity1 or advancing age1 the present low ,court dress is inappropriate1 viz43 ,bodices in front1 cut square1 or heart-shaped1 which may be filled in with white only1 either transparent or lined2 at the back1 high1 or cut down three-quarters height4 ,sleeves to elbow1 either thick or transparent4 ,trains1 gloves1 and feathers as usual4 ,it is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in ,high ,court ,dress to obtain ,royal permission1 through the ,lord ,chamberlain4 ,this regulation does not apply to ladies who have already received permission to wear high dress4 99 99 99 99 99 ,white gloves only should be worn1 excepting in case of mourning1 when black or grey gloves are admissible4 ,as a lady on presentation does not now kiss the ,queen's hand as formerly she did1 she is not required to remove the right-hand glove before entering the ,presence ,chamber4 ,this order1 therefore1 is no longer in force1 and a lady wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a great convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is compulsory for both ,married and ,unmarried ,ladies to ,wear ,plumes4--,the married lady's ,court plume consists of three white feathers4 ,an unmarried lady's of two white feathers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the three white feathers should be mounted as a ,prince of ,wales' plume1 and worn towards the left-hand side of the head4 99 99 99 99 99 ,coloured feathers may not be worn4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in deep mourning white feathers must be worn1 black feathers are inadmissible4 99 99 99 99 99 ,white veils or lace lappets must be worn with the feathers4 ,the veils should not be longer than #de inches4 99 99 99 99 99 ,bouquets are not included in the dress regulations issued by the ,lord ,chamberlain1 although they are invariably carried by both married and unmarried ladies4 ,it is thus optional to carry a bouquet or not1 and some elderly ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies4 ,a fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried by a lady on presentation or on attending a ,court1 but these two items are also altogether optional4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,,presentations ,,at ,,levees ,,and ,,attending ,,levees ,levees are held by the ,king in person4 ,those who have been presented at levees held by ,his late ,majesty1 ,king ,edward1 do not require to be again presented to ,his ,majesty ,king ,george4 99 99 99 99 99 ,four or more ,levees are usually held every year by the ,king at ,st4 ,james's ,palace4 ,gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any department or profession to which they individually belong1 whether civil or military1 naval or clerical2 it is more usual for a gentleman to be presented by the head of his department1 or by the colonel of his regiment1 than by his nearest relative4 99 99 99 99 99 ,presentations are also made by ,relatives and friends of those presented2 but these are greatly in the minority at all levees4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gentlemen must be again presented at every step in their career1 whether civil1 military1 naval1 or clerical--on civil appointments1 on gaining steps of naval1 military1 legal1 or clerical rank1 and on accession to title1 whether inherited or conferred4 99 99 99 99 99 ,those entitled to be presented at ,his ,majesty's ,levees are the members of the aristocracy and gentry1 the members of the diplomatic corps1 the ,cabinet1 and all leading ,government officials1 ,members of ,parliament1 leading members of the legal profession1 the naval and military professions1 the leading members of the clerical profession1 the leading members of the medical and artistic professions1 the leading bankers1 merchants1 and members of the ,stock ,exchange1 and persons engaged in commerce on a large scale4 ,an exception to the rule as regards retail trade is made in favour of any person receiving ,knighthood1 or when holding the office of ,mayor1 or being made a ,justice of the ,peace1 or on receiving a ,commission in the ,territorial forces4 ,the dates on which levees are to be held are duly announced in the ,gazette1 and in the daily newspapers4 ,at all future levees cards of admission will be required1 as the numbers at each of these ceremonies must be limited4 ,the ,lord ,chamberlain has issued the following revised list of rules1 which are to be observed at attendances and presentations in future-- ,all officers1 whether on the active or retired lists1 of the ,royal ,navy and the ,royal ,marines1 of whatever rank1 should communicate with and obtain their cards from the private secretary to the ,first ,lord of the ,admiralty4 ,all civil officers of the ,admiralty should follow the same rule4 ,all officers1 whether on the active or retired lists1 of the ,army1 ,regulars or ,territorials1 of whatever rank1 except those on the ,indian and ,colonial ,establishments1 should communicate with and obtain their cards from the ,adjutant-,general at the ,war ,office1 stating clearly at which levee they desire to be present1 and whether they wish to attend or to be presented2 if the latter1 stating by whom and on what occasion4 ,deputy-lieutenants of counties should also communicate and obtain their cards from the ,war ,office4 ,officers of the ,household ,cavalry and ,foot ,guards on the active list should make application to the ,lord ,chamberlain at ,st4 ,james's ,palace for cards of admission and presentation4 ,all retired ,officers of the ,household ,cavalry and ,brigade of ,guards should apply to the ,war ,office4 ,all officers of the ,indian ,civil ,service and of the ,indian ,army1 of whatever rank1 whether on the active or retired lists1 should communicate with1 and obtain their cards from the private secretary to the ,secretary of ,state at the ,india ,office1 ,whitehall4 ,all officers of the ,colonial service and ,colonial forces1 of whatever rank1 whether on the active or retired lists1 should communicate with and obtain their cards from the ,colonial ,office1 ,whitehall4 ,similarly1 all gentlemen connected with the ,foreign ,office1 the ,home ,office1 officials connected with the ,houses of ,parliament1 or any ,government department1 should communicate with and obtain their cards for attendance or presentation at levees from the department under which they serve4 ,judges1 law officers1 ,king's ,counsel1 and all legal officials holding appointments under the ,crown are requested to make their applications through the secretary to the ,lord ,chancellor4 ,peers1 bishops1 ,lords-,lieutenants of ,counties1 ,members of ,parliament1 clergy of all denominations1 and all gentlemen1 other than the above-mentioned1 should communicate with the ,lord ,chamberlain at ,st4 ,james's ,palace1 when they will each be furnished with a card of admission for use at the levee4 ,the names both for attendance and presentation must be received at the various offices above indicated not later than eight days prior to the date of each levee1 but in the case of officers1 who make application to the ,war ,office1 fourteen days before the date of each levee4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,gentleman makes a ,presentation it is compulsory for him to attend the same levee as the person whom he presents1 and the card of presentation is sent to him to be forwarded to the person to be presented4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,gentleman on being presented should bow to the ,king1 and ,his ,majesty will bow to him in return4 ,gentlemen attending a levee should also bow to ,his ,majesty4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gentlemen who have been presented at a levee have the privilege of writing their names in ,his ,majesty's visiting book at ,buckingham ,palace once during the season4 ,the hours of calling for this purpose are generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,dress to be worn at ,courts1 ,state ,functions and ,levees4--,full dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it4 ,all officers of ,scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective of their being mounted officers or not4 ,gentlemen who do not wear uniform may wear either velvet ,court dress1 new style2 velvet ,court dress1 old style2 cloth ,court dress4 ,the new style velvet ,court dress is of black silk velvet4 ,the body of the coat lined with white silk and the skirt with black silk4 ,steel buttons4 ,waistcoat of white satin or black silk velvet4 ,breeches of black silk velvet1 black silk hose1 patent leather shoes1 steel buckled2 white bow necktie1 white gloves1 sword1 black beaver or silk cocked hat4 ,the velvet ,court dress1 old style1 is very similar to the foregoing1 with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at the back of the neck1 and lace frills and ruffles4 ,the cloth ,court dress consists of a coat of dark mulberry1 claret1 or green cloth with black silk linings1 gold embroidery on collar1 cuffs1 and pocket flaps1 gilt buttons with ,imperial ,crown2 waistcoat of white corded silk or white ,marcella2 breeches of cloth1 colour of coat2 black silk hose1 patent leather shoes1 sword1 white bow necktie1 white gloves1 black beaver or silk cocked hat4 ,levee dress is identical with the foregoing except that trousers--with a row of narrow gold lace down the side seams--are worn1 and not breeches4 ,military patent leather boots4 99 99 99 99 99 ,archbishops and ,bishops at ,levees and ,courts wear ,convocation robes1 viz4 scarlet cloth chimere1 without hood2 purple cassock and sash1 lawn rochet with sleeves1 white cambric bands1 black silk scarf1 black breeches1 silver knee buckles1 black silk stockings1 shoes with silver buckles2 purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried4 ,at ,evening ,state ,functions and ,full ,dress ,dinners they wear a purple cloth ,court coat over a short cassock or apron1 sash of purple silk1 black breeches1 black silk stockings1 shoes with silver buckles2 black corded silk three-cornered hat to be carried4 99 99 99 99 99 ,deans and ,archdeacons at ,evening ,state ,functions wear the same dress as bishops except that the coat and short cassock are black4 ,doctors of ,divinity at ,levees and ,courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their ,university1 without hood4 99 99 99 99 99 ,clergy if not ,doctors of ,divinity at ,levees and ,courts wear full canonicals1 that is1 a black silk ,geneva gown1 double-breasted2 black silk long cassock and sash1 scarf and white lawn bands1 black breeches1 silver knee buckles1 black silk stockings1 shoes with silver buckles1 black corded silk three-cornered hat4 ,at ,full ,dress ,dinners and ,evening ,state ,parties when canonicals are not worn1 they wear a black cloth ,court coat1 cassock1 waistcoat of black corded silk1 black breeches1 black silk stockings1 shoes1 silver buckles2 black corded silk three-cornered hat to be carried4 ,white gloves are worn at all ,court functions4 ,the academical habit should not be worn at ,court except when addresses are presented from the ,universities4 ,when the ,court is in mourning1 gentlemen attending a levee are expected to wear a band of black crape on the left arm above the elbow4 ,,chapter ,,xii ,,balls ,,and ,,state ,,balls ,balls are given in town and country by society at large1 and these invitation balls include ,hunt ,balls1 ,military and ,naval ,balls1 ,yeomanry and ,territorial ,balls1 ,bachelors' ,balls1 etc4 99 99 99 99 99 ,public ,balls are those balls for which tickets of admission can be purchased1 although for many of these balls it is necessary to obtain vouchers from the committees or patronesses1 when held in town or at watering-places4 ,public balls include ,county ,balls1 ,charity ,balls1 and ,subscription ,balls1 etc4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in ,town1 ,ball-giving is in a way a science1 and an amusement upon which large sums of money are frequently expended4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,crowded ,ball is not always pronounced a good ball by the guests1 often the contrary1 but then1 again1 what is termed a thin ball is open to the accusation of not going off well1 and falling rather flat2 of not being kept up with spirit1 and of being considered a stupid ball1 and so on4 ,to hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study of the map of the county1 and a judicious selection of night4 ,this selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball1 as when a smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular evening chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball1 the grander ball extinguishes the lesser ball1 through the most fashionable people merely looking in at the one1 and remaining the rest of the evening at the other4 ,this putting out as it were of the lesser light1 occurs very frequently during the ,london season to ball-givers moving in the same sets4 ,the guests who have been expected to add lustre to the lesser balls appear but for a few minutes1 and usually arrive rather early1 uncomplimentarily early1 at perhaps a little before eleven1 and remain hardly half an hour in the rooms1 making their way to another ball of the same calibre1 and remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes1 before arriving at the goal1 viz4 the ball of the evening4 ,both ladies and gentlemen follow this practice1 thus1 at a little after twelve1 an average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted by all but those who have nowhere else to go4 ,although the flitting of the guests thus early is a disappointment to the hostess1 and although it does not prevent the fleeting ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the family on their ball lists1 it yet greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball1 and prevents its being looked back upon with anything approaching to pleasure or satisfaction1 the departure of the most eligible partners being not the least of the vexations of the night4 ,these contretemps are sometimes unavoidable2 but1 when practicable1 it is always best to postpone a ball rather than to allow it to clash with a ball of greater pretensions4 ,an impromptu dance is often a great success1 while an impromptu ball is almost as certain to prove a great failure4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,difference between a ,dance and a ,ball consists in the number of the invitations issued1 in the strength of the band1 and the extent of the supper arrangements4 ,at a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty to two hundred2 at a ball they vary from two hundred to five hundred4 ,at a dance a piano band is frequently engaged1 while at a ball a full band is requisite4 ,at a ball the floral decorations are a great feature1 at a small dance they are often dispensed with4 ,ladies new to society as it were1 or whose circle of acquaintance is of a limited character1 and who do not number in that circle many ball-givers1 and who yet desire to form a ball acquaintance1 frequently place their ball in the hands of some intimate friend of higher standing than themselves1 giving her carte blanche to form a ball list4 ,when this plan is followed1 invitations are still sent out by the ball-giver2 in every case the name and compliments of the lady who forms the list are sent with the card4 ,this plan1 although of advantage to the hostess1 is often productive of much unpleasantness to her unfashionable friends1 who are naturally very much affronted at being excluded from the ball list1 which they usually are1 as a lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a little arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its management4 ,she naturally wishes the ball to be confined to her own set1 to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders4 ,ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their ball to the exclusion of their old friends1 however anxious they may be to make new ones4 ,but when a ball is thus given it is thoroughly understood that conditions1 however stringent1 must be complied with4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,hostess should receive her ,guests at the head of the staircase at a ball given in town1 and at the door of the ball-room at a country house ball4 ,she should shake hands with each guest in the order of their arrival4 ,the ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess1 followed by the gentlemen of their party4 ,a lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase arm-in-arm1 or make their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm4 ,the gentlemen invariably enter the ball-room after the ladies of their party1 and never before them1 or arm-in-arm with them4 ,a ball is usually opened either by the hostess herself1 or by one of her daughters4 99 99 99 99 99 ,opening a ,fancy ,dress ,ball simply signifies dancing in the first quadrille4 ,opening a dance means dancing the first valse4 ,when a member of the ,royal ,family1 or a foreign prince1 is expected1 dancing should not commence until the arrival of the royal guest2 and when the royal guest is a lady1 the host should open the ball with her1 having his wife or daughter as vis-a-vis4 ,when the royal guest is a prince1 the hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him4 ,when a prince wishes to dance with any lady present1 with whom he is unacquainted1 his equerry informs her of the prince's intention1 and conducts her to the prince1 saying as he does so1 ,mrs4 ,a----1 your ,royal ,highness or ,miss ,b----1 your ,royal ,highness4 ,the prince bows and offers her his arm2 the lady should curtsey and take it4 ,she should not address him until addressed by him1 it not being considered etiquette to do so4 ,the same course is followed by a princess2 strangers to the princess should not ask her to dance1 but the host has the privilege of doing so4 ,when more than one royal personage is present1 the one of the highest rank leads the way1 with either hostess or host4 7,see ,chapter ,v47 99 99 99 99 99 ,royal ,guests should be received by the host and hostess at the entrance of the mansion1 and by them conducted to the ball-room4 ,at ball-suppers the same precedence is strictly in force1 the royal guests leading the way with host or hostess 7see p4 #di74 ,the same etiquette should be observed on the departure of royal guests as on their arrival4 99 99 99 99 99 ,general ,introductions should not be made to royal guests1 and introductions should be made by request only4 ,gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the daughters of the house for one dance at least4 ,a hostess should use her own discretion as to any introduction she thinks proper to make4 ,when a ball is given in the country1 the hostess should endeavour to find partners for those young ladies who are strangers to the general company4 ,but when a ball is given in town1 she is not expected to do so1 as in town the guests are supposed to be acquainted with each other more or less1 and to be independent of the kind offices of a hostess4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,dances mainly in vogue at the moment are1 ,valses1 ,the ,boston1 ,two ,steps1 and ,the ,cotillon1 in which handsome presents are given4 ,quadrilles are danced at ,state ,balls1 and at those balls at which the ,king and ,queen are present4 ,also at ,fancy ,dress ,balls4 ,lancers are danced occasionally at ,hunt ,balls4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,precedency observed in sending guests in to supper is far more punctiliously followed in the country than in town4 ,the host should take in the lady of highest rank present1 and the hostess should endeavour to send in the principal guests according to their individual rank2 but in town she generally leaves the guests to follow the host and lady of highest rank according to their inclinations1 a guest should not enter the supper-room before the host has done so4 ,when a gentleman takes a lady in to supper1 he should re-conduct her to the ball-room as a matter of course2 the fact of friends joining her in the supper-room would not relieve him from this obligation4 ,and the same etiquette applies equally to a lady4 ,she should return to the ball-room only with the gentleman who has taken her down to supper1 unless she is engaged for the ensuing dance1 when her partner might come in quest of her2 she should then return to the ball-room with him4 ,it is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a ,london ball4 ,this remark applies to acquaintances of the hostess1 and not to intimate friends4 ,at a country ball the guests are on a more friendly footing than is generally the case in town2 and1 therefore1 make a point of taking leave of the hostess if possible4 ,it is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her carriage or not4 ,in the country more is expected of him than in town in this respect1 as at a ,london ball1 such a civility would involve a vast amount of exertion which few hosts would be willing to undergo3 ladies accompanied by an acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,custom of covering in ,small ,balconies and the windows of the drawing-rooms where a ball takes place1 rendering the atmosphere of the room almost insupportable from the total exclusion of air1 is fast disappearing4 ,the space gained by this means for the accommodation of the guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby entailed upon them4 ,ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding two hundred to three hundred people together into rooms not properly ventilated1 and it is now the rule1 when covering in balconies1 to introduce window frames into the bunting covering1 and to drape them with lace curtains1 etc41 the windows of the ball-room being entirely removed4 ,large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient spots for the purpose of cooling the atmosphere1 and coloured ice produces a pretty effect4 ,patent ventilators are also much in use1 and the substitution of electric lighting1 on account of its emitting little heat1 has become general4 ,ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who have experienced the close1 stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded ball-room can do1 and as half the ,london ball-rooms are only average-sized drawing-rooms1 the absurdity of excluding air from the ball-room with yards of thick canvas cannot be too severely criticised4 ,ball-givers1 too1 frequently issue far more invitations than the size of their rooms authorises1 under the mistaken idea that to have a great crowd in their rooms is to give a good ball4 ,but experienced ball-givers limit the number of their invitations to under two hundred1 instead of expanding it to over three hundred4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,country ,ball ,season ostensibly commences in ,november1 reaches its zenith in ,january1 and terminates early in ,february4 ,the stewards of these balls are1 as a rule1 the representatives of the various classes by whom they are attended2 the members of the aristocracy residing in the county heading the list of stewards1 and the members of the professional classes usually closing it4 ,the top of the ball-room is1 as a rule1 appropriated by the aristocratic element1 head stewards and lady patronesses4 ,the enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon a variety of circumstances1 which do not influence in a like degree the ball-going world of ,london4 99 99 99 99 99 ,county ,balls are principally composed of a series of large parties brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood where the ball is held2 but there are two classes of county balls1 balls which are held in large and populous towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns1 with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and county gentry4 ,there are also ,hunt ,balls and annual ,charity ,balls which take place between ,october and ,february1 and which are an amalgamation of both classes of balls4 ,the neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient indication as to whether it is likely to be a smart one or not4 ,as a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names as patronesses and supporters of a charity ball1 although it by no means follows that they will personally attend it2 but a long list of influential patronesses materially increases the sale of tickets1 which is the result to be achieved4 ,a large attendance is not the primary object of a county ball1 as the sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required to defray the expenses of the ball1 although these are sometimes considerable1 especially when the decorations are elaborate1 and the arrangements on a grand scale1 in which case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than a surplus1 which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves4 ,to ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part of the county ladies is demanded1 and they usually meet and consult together previous to fixing the date of the ball1 to take into consideration the fixtures of neighbouring county balls1 and so avoid the possibility of the said balls clashing with their own county ball1 and also with a view of perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant neighbours to swell the numbers at their own ball4 ,house parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five1 as the accommodation of a house admits4 ,it is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find partners for either ladies or gentlemen1 and therefore1 if a lady does not form one of a large party1 but merely attends a county ball with a relative or friend1 and has not a large acquaintance amongst these present1 she has very little chance of obtaining partners4 ,young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after each dance1 or after they have been to the tea-room4 ,a gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the conclusion of a dance to conduct her to the tea-room4 ,in round dances1 it is customary to take frequent pauses1 and not to race round the ball-room until the music ceases4 ,at country balls programmes are invariably used2 at ,london balls they are never used1 save at public balls4 ,county balls usually commence between nine and ten o'clock1 sometimes a ball is not opened until the most influential of the stewards and their parties have arrived1 but oftener than not the two first dances are over before the arrival of the county magnates4 ,it depends upon the length of the drive at what time people arrive at a ball2 as a rule1 they do not arrive later than #aj4cj p4m4 ,the usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is by private omnibus in addition to carriages and motor cars2 but when these are hired for the occasion the expense should be defrayed by the guests themselves4 ,it is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past two2 the most fashionable people invariably do so about that hour4 ,as a matter of course persons attending public balls take their ball tickets with them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when attending a ,military ,ball1 or a ,hunt ,ball1 it is usually the rule to take the invitation card and hand it to the sergeant or official in attendance4 ,it is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this is to be done1 although it is often taken for granted that persons will do so of their own accord4 ,at balls given by private individuals1 the invited guests should not bring their invitation cards with them1 unless in the case of a bal masque1 where they are sometimes requested to do so4 ,in giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary1 but with regard to a dance a short ten days' notice would suffice4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,invitation ,card is the usual at home card1 the word ,dancing being printed in the corner of the card4 ,the word ball should never be used on an invitation card1 however grand the entertainment2 and the same form of invitation is employed either in the case of a small dance or of a large ball1 though in the event of a small dance only being given1 the words ,small or ,early should be written or printed on the invitation card4 ,invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only4 ,when the host is a widower1 with a grown-up daughter1 the invitations should be issued in their joint names4 ,when the host is a widower1 or a bachelor1 they should be issued in his name4 ,invitations issued by officers1 members of hunt committees1 bachelors1 etc41 to their balls1 either request the pleasure or the honour of ,mrs4 ----'s company2 but this formula should not be used by ladies when issuing invitations2 the at home card should simply bear the word ,dancing on the bottom of the card1 the hour and date filled in in the allotted space1 the name of the guest written at the top of the card4 ,in the case of a written invitation1 it would be correct to use the words ball or dance when alluding to the entertainment about to be given1 in a friendly note4 ,a lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to a ball given by an acquaintance1 although the acquaintanceship were of a slight character2 but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it4 ,the fact of mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon the hospitality of a stranger1 therefore such requests are inadmissible4 ,the proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is unacquainted1 is to request some mutual friend to obtain one2 and this course is always followed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,cards should be left by the guests present at a ball within the current week if possible4 7,see ,chapter ,,iii47 99 99 99 99 99 ,gratuities should never be given by the guests to the servants of the house where a ball is given4 99 99 99 99 99 ,state ,balls4--,two ,state ,balls are annually given at ,buckingham ,palace during the ,london season by command of ,his ,majesty4 ,invitations are issued by the ,lord ,chamberlain1 but ,his ,majesty previously revises the list4 ,when ladies and gentlemen attend a ,state ,ball at ,buckingham ,palace they make their way to the ball-room unannounced2 and there is no official reception accorded to them1 either by ,royalty or by the ,lord ,chamberlain4 ,dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party1 when the guests rise and remain standing while the ,royal ,quadrille--with which the ball opens--is being danced4 ,the ,king and ,queen act as host and hostess on these occasions1 but confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally acquainted4 ,ladies attending a ,state ,ball at ,buckingham ,palace should wear the usual full evening dress2 but they should not wear ,court trains1 or plumes1 or lappets4 ,gentlemen attending ,state ,balls should wear uniform or full ,court dress--dress coat1 breeches and silk stockings1 shoes and buckles2 trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform1 and not with a ,court dress as generally worn at a levee4 ,a gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword1 otherwise he should not do so4 ,when the ,court is in mourning1 ladies attending a ,state ,ball should wear mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the ,gazette4 ,gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm1 which is supplied in the cloak-room of the ,palace to those who have forgotten to provide themselves with it1 as it is imperative1 when the ,court is in mourning1 that a band of crape should be worn at either ,state ,ball or ,state ,concert4 ,the balls given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not ,state ,balls1 therefore ,court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present4 ,they act as host and hostess at the balls given by them and receive their guests1 shaking hands with them as they are announced4 ,ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to ,buckingham ,palace4 ,,chapter ,,xiii ,,dinner ,,giving ,,and ,,dining ,,out ,dinner giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances1 therefore dinner parties rank first amongst all entertainments4 ,dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of an equivalent1 that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the category of diners out4 ,this rule1 however1 is open to many exceptions in favour of privileged individuals1 popular and prominent members of society whose presence at dinner parties is appreciated and welcomed in most circles4 ,dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence1 and are of more social significance1 than any other form of entertainment4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dinner ,invitations4--,an invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of esteem1 or friendship and cordiality1 towards the guest invited1 than is conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering1 it being the highest compliment1 socially speaking1 that is offered by one person to another4 ,it is also a civility that can be readily interchanged1 which in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities4 ,the orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of wealth1 and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand4 ,oftener than not1 the former rather overweights the latter2 hence1 the introduction of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose metier in life it is to be amusing and to appear amused4 ,dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in society by the dinner giver1 but it is also a direct road to obtaining a recognized place in society4 ,a means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to fashionable society4 ,dinner giving1 in the fullest sense of the word1 is a science not easily acquired1 so much depending on the talent which the host or hostess may possess for organizing dinner-parties4 ,when a large dinner-party is contemplated1 it is usual to give three weeks' notice1 but of late this notice has been extended to four1 five1 and even six weeks4 ,diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation1 considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges them to remain in town1 and as it were controls their movements1 for the acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding obligation2 only ill-health1 family bereavement1 or some all-important reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded4 ,those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess4 ,dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess4 ,the master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his guests1 when dispensing hospitality as a dinner giver4 ,from five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations to small and unceremonious dinner-parties4 ,printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations1 and can be purchased from any stationer2 these cards only require to be filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests1 date1 hour1 and address4 ,the united names of the host and hostess should be written in the space left for that purpose4 ,thus1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,a41 and the name or names of the guests in the next vacant space4 ,when invitations are issued for small dinner-parties1 it is more usual to write notes than to make use of printed cards4 ,acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations have been received4 ,it is a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so1 as a hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited intends dining with her or not1 and is consequently unable to fill up the vacant place with an eligible substitute2 thus rendering her dinner-party an ill-assorted one4 ,an answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note2 it is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer within a day or two at least4 ,dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant1 and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner4 ,dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess4 ,it is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family2 it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to dinner-parties4 99 99 99 99 99 ,receiving ,dinner-,guests4--,the guests should arrive within fifteen minutes of the hour named on the invitation card4 ,on no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining out2 formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect1 and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result4 ,a host and hostess frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests4 ,but now punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles1 and dinner is served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest4 ,in general1 people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in good time2 but there are many in society who presume upon their position1 and are proverbially unpunctual1 knowing that in the height of the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to dinner without them2 but this want of consideration soon becomes known in their different sets1 and is always taken into account when their company is requested at dinner4 ,in ,france1 it is not the rule1 or the custom1 to wait dinner for late arrivals1 and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the invitation4 ,the dinner-hour varies from eight to nine1 although perhaps #h4cj is the most usual hour4 ,in the country it ranges from #g4cj to #h4cj4 ,punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served4 ,the host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card4 ,on arrival1 a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room1 or should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance1 before entering the drawing-room4 ,a gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's cloak-room1 or in the hall4 ,at large dinner-parties1 the butler is stationed on the staircase1 and announces the guests as they arrive4 ,at small dinner-parties1 or where only one man-servant is kept1 the servant precedes the guest or guests on their arrival1 to the drawing-room4 ,the guests should then give their names to the servant1 that he may announce them4 ,a lady and gentleman1 on being announced1 should not enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side4 ,the lady or ladies1 if more than one1 should enter the room in advance of the gentleman1 although the servant announces ,mr41 ,mrs41 and ,miss ,a4 ,the host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest on arrival4 ,the ladies should at once seat themselves1 but gentlemen either stand about the room and talk to each other1 or sit down after a wait of some minutes4 ,when a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present1 she should not make her way at once to shake hands with all1 but should make an opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner2 it would be sufficient to recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time4 ,a lady should bow to any gentleman she knows1 and he should cross the room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged4 ,at a small dinner-party1 where the guests are unacquainted1 the hostess should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other2 but at a large dinner-party1 she would not do so1 unless she had some especial reason for making the introduction4 ,in the country1 introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made than in town4 ,precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties4 7,see ,chapter ,v47 99 99 99 99 99 ,sending ,guests in to ,dinner4--,the host should take the lady of highest rank present in to dinner1 and the gentleman of highest rank should take the hostess4 ,this rule is absolute1 unless the lady or gentleman of highest rank is related to the host or hostess1 in which case his or her rank would be in abeyance1 out of courtesy to the other guests4 ,a husband and wife1 or a father and daughter1 or a mother and son1 should not be sent in to dinner together4 ,a host and hostess should1 if possible1 invite an equal number of ladies and gentlemen4 ,it is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there are ladies1 in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go in to dinner with each other's husbands only4 ,thus1 ,mrs4 ,a4 and ,mr4 ,b41 ,mr4 ,b4 and ,mrs4 ,a41 ,mrs4 ,b4 should be taken in to dinner by ,mr4 ,c41 and ,mr4 ,a4 should take ,mrs4 ,g41 and so on4 ,when ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or three1 the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the gentlemen present1 and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves2 but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable1 though sometimes unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one1 for instance1 and the notice given has been but a short one4 ,if there should be one gentleman short of the number required1 the hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself1 following in the wake of the last couple4 ,the usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess to inform each gentleman1 shortly after his arrival1 which of the ladies he is to take in to dinner4 ,no choice is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would prefer taking in to dinner1 it being simply a question of precedency4 ,should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should follow the host to the dining-room1 the hostess1 knowing the precedency due to each of her guests1 should indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend to the dining-room4 ,he should then offer his arm to the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner4 ,dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant4 ,when the guests have arrived1 or when the host desires dinner to be served1 he should ring or inform the servant accordingly4 ,on dinner being announced1 the host should give his right arm to the lady of highest rank present1 and1 with her1 lead the way to the dining-room1 followed by the lady second in rank1 with a gentleman second in rank and so on4 ,the gentleman of highest rank present should follow last with the hostess4 ,when the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room1 the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady according to the precedency due to each4 ,thus1 ,mr4 ,a41 will you take ,mrs4 ,b48 ,this also answers the purpose of an introduction1 should the couple be unacquainted with each other1 and the hostess has not found an opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival4 ,when a case of precedency occurs1 in which either the lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence1 that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady4 7,see ,chapter ,v47 ,a gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the drawing-room4 ,ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence1 but should at once enter into conversation with each other4 7,see the work entitled ,the ,art of ,conversing47 ,on entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to dinner should seat herself at his right hand4 ,on the ,continent this custom is reversed1 and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner4 ,the host should remain standing in his place1 at the bottom of the table1 until the guests have taken their seats1 and should motion the various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes them to occupy at the table4 ,this is the most usual method of placing the guests at the dinner-table4 ,when the host does not indicate where they are to sit1 they sit near to the host or hostess according to precedency4 ,the host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish their guests to occupy at the dinner-table4 ,if a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished them to occupy1 the result would probably be that husbands and wives would be seated side by side1 or uncongenial people would sit together4 ,the custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at large dinner-parties1 and in some instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover4 ,the host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom of the table4 ,he should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand4 ,the same rule applies to the hostess4 ,she should sit in the centre at the top of the table1 the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being placed at her left hand4 ,the lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand4 ,each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner4 ,it is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman1 who have gone in to dinner together1 converse with each other only1 or with their right-and left-hand neighbours also1 but they usually find some topic of conversation in common1 otherwise a dinner-party would prove but a succession of tete-a-tete4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,menus are placed the length of the table1 on an average one to two persons or occasionally one to each person1 and the menu cards are elaborate or simple1 according to individual taste1 and are purchased printed for the purpose1 having a space for the names of the dishes to be filled in1 which is usually done by the mistress of the house1 unless the establishment is on a large scale1 it being usual to write them out in ,french4 ,fanciful menu holders are much in use4 ,the use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner-party when there is but little choice of dishes2 but when there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,usual and ,fashionable ,mode of serving ,dinner is called ,diner a la ,russe1 although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the joint himself in the first course1 and the birds in the second course4 ,but dinner-tables1 whether for dining a la ,russe1 or for dining en famille1 are invariably arranged in the same style1 the difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards flowers1 plate and glass1 which are the accessories of the dining-table4 ,when the host helps the soup1 a small ladleful for each person is the proper quantity2 a soup-plate should not be filled with soup4 ,when the party is a small one1 and the joints or birds are carved by the host1 the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which they are seated1 although occasionally the ladies are helped before the gentlemen4 ,the rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand1 then to the lady seated at the host's left hand1 and from thence the length of the table to each guest in the order seated1 irrespective of sex4 ,double entrees should be provided at large dinner-parties1 and the servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table simultaneously4 ,diner a la ,russe is the ,russian fashion introduced into society many years ago4 ,the whole of the dinner is served from a side-table1 no dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dinner-table ,decorations4--,as regards the most correct style of dinner-table decorations1 they offer great diversity of arrangement4 ,high centre pieces and low centre pieces4 ,low specimen glasses placed the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day1 but table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of etiquette1 and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner giver4 ,the fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table1 amidst the flowers and plate4 ,some dinner-tables are also adorned with a variety of ,french conceits besides fruit and flowers2 other dinner-tables are decorated with flowers and plate only1 the dessert not being placed on the table at all2 but this latter mode can only be adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in the place of fruit4 ,as regards lighting the dinner table4 ,electric light is now in general use in town1 and more or less in the country when possible4 ,when not available1 lamps and wax candles are used as heretofore4 ,the shades in use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the guests and to the success of the lighting4 ,silver candlesticks are often fitted with small electric lamps1 and handsome silver lamps are brought into use in a similar manner for the dinner table4 ,the term cover signifies the place laid at table for each person4 ,it consists of a table-spoon for soup1 fish knife and fork1 two knives1 two large forks1 and glasses for wines given4 ,for such arrangements see chapter ,waiting at dinner in the work entitled ,waiting at ,table4 ,sherry is always drunk after soup1 hock with the fish after the soup4 ,champagne is drunk immediately after the first entree has been served1 and during the remainder of dinner until dessert4 ,claret1 sherry1 port1 and ,madeira are the wines drunk at dessert1 and not champagne1 as it is essentially a dinner wine4 ,when liqueurs are given they are handed after the ices4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dinner-table ,etiquette4--,soup should be eaten with a table-spoon and not with a dessert-spoon1 it would be out of place to use a dessert-spoon for that purpose4 ,dessert-spoons1 as their name implies1 are intended for other purposes1 such as for eating fruit-tarts1 custard-puddings1 etc41 or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be eaten with a fork4 ,fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible1 otherwise with a silver fish knife and fork4 ,all made dishes1 such as quenelles1 rissoles1 patties1 etc41 should be eaten with a fork only1 and not with a knife and fork4 ,for sweetbreads and cutlets1 etc41 a knife and fork are requisite2 and1 as a matter of course1 for poultry1 game1 etc4 ,in eating asparagus1 a knife and fork should be used1 and the points should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is seakale1 etc4 ,salad should be eaten with a knife and fork2 it is served on salad plates1 which are placed beside the dinner-plates4 ,cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate1 and not off a separate plate4 ,peas should be eaten with a fork4 ,in eating game or poultry1 the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers1 but the meat cut close off the bone2 and if a wing it is best to sever it at the joint1 by which means the meat is cut off far more easily4 ,pastry should be eaten with a fork1 but in the case of a fruit tart1 a dessert-spoon should be used as well as a fork1 but only for the purpose of conveying the fruit and juice to the mouth2 and in the case of stone fruit--cherries1 damsons1 plums1 etc4--either the dessert-spoon or fork should be raised to the lips to receive the stones1 which should be placed at the side of the plate2 but when the fruit stones are of larger size1 they should be separated from the fruit with the fork and spoon1 and left on the plate1 and not put into the mouth2 and whenever it is possible to separate the stones from the fruit it is best to do so4 ,jellies1 blancmanges1 ice puddings1 etc41 should be eaten with a fork1 as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial to admit of it4 ,when eating cheese1 small morsels of the cheese should be placed with the knife on small morsels of bread1 and the two conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger1 the piece of bread being the morsel to hold1 as cheese should not be taken up in the fingers1 and should not be eaten off the point of the knife4#c ,the finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate and placed on the left-hand side of the dessert-plate4 ,when ices are not given1 the d'oyley should be removed with the finger-glass and placed beneath it4 ,when eating grapes1 the half-closed hand should be placed to the mouth1 and the stones and skins allowed to fall into the fingers1 and placed on the side of the plate4 ,some persons bend the head so as to allow of the stones and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate2 but this latter way is old-fashioned1 and seldom followed4 ,cherries and other small stone-fruit should be eaten in the way grapes are eaten1 also gooseberries4 ,when strawberries and raspberries1 etc41 are not eaten with cream1 they should be eaten from the stalks2 when eaten with cream1 a dessert-spoon should be used to remove them from the stalks4 ,when served in the ,american fashion without stalks1 both fork and spoon should be used4 ,pears and apples should be peeled and cut into halves and quarters with a fruit-knife and fork1 as should peaches1 nectarines1 and apricots4 ,melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork4 ,pines with knife and fork4 ,the dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which the dinner has been served4#d ,when the guests have been helped to wine1 and the servants have left the dining-room1 the host should pass the decanters to his guests1 commencing with the gentleman nearest to him4 ,it is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with each other either at dinner or dessert1 and the guest fills his glass or not1 according to inclination4 ,ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of wine at dessert1 and passing the decanters is principally for the gentlemen4 ,if a lady should require a second glass of wine at dessert1 the gentleman seated next to her would fill her glass2 she should not help herself to wine4 ,after the wine has been passed once around the table1 or about ten minutes after the servants have left the dining-room1 the hostess should give the signal for the ladies to leave the dining-room1 by bowing to the lady of highest rank present1 seated at the host's right hand4 ,she should then rise from her seat1 as should all the ladies on seeing her do so4 ,the gentlemen should rise also1 and remain standing by their chairs until the ladies have quitted the room1 which they should do in the order in which they have entered it1 the lady of highest rank leading the way1 the hostess following last4 ,the host1 or the gentleman nearest the door1 should open it for the ladies to pass out1 and close it after them4 ,when the ladies have left the dining-room1 the gentlemen should close up as near to the host as possible1 so as to render conversation general4 ,the wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are claret of a fine quality1 and port4 ,the ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the drawing-room4 ,coffee should be almost immediately brought to the drawing-room4 ,the coffee-cups containing coffee should be brought on a silver salver1 with a cream-jug and a basin of crystallised sugar4 ,in large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a silver coffee-pot1 and the lady would then pour out her own coffee1 the servant holding the salver the meanwhile4 ,coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining-room1 and either handed to the gentlemen1 or placed on the table1 that they may help themselves 7see the work previously referred to74 ,a very general plan is1 after the wine has gone round once or twice1 for the host to offer cigarettes1 which are smoked before the gentlemen join the ladies in the drawing-room4 ,after coffee1 the gentleman of highest rank should leave the dining-room first4 ,the host would not propose an adjournment to the drawing-room1 until he observed a wish to do so on the part of his guests1 but there is no hard and fast rule on this head4 ,it is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their wine beyond fifteen or twenty minutes at the utmost1 instead of as formerly1 from three-quarters of an hour to an hour1 a change much appreciated by hostesses4 ,on the ,continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies to the drawing-room1 and do not remain in the dining-room as in ,england4 ,the gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an adjournment to the drawing-room within a quarter of an hour if he thought proper to do so4 ,if the other guests were engaged in a discussion in which he did not wish to take part1 having suggested the adjournment1 he could leave the dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-room2 but as a rule1 the gentlemen leave the dining-room together1 the host following last4 ,the host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving the room1 as an intimation to the butler that the gentlemen have left the room4 ,at ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music nor cards are introduced during the usual half-hour passed in the drawing-room before the hour for departure4 ,at country-house dinner-parties music or round games of cards are in request4 99 99 99 99 99 ,departure after ,dinner4--,there is no rule as to the order in which the guests should take their leave4 ,half-past ten is the usual hour for general departure2 and the butler announces the several carriages as they arrive to the guests in the drawing-room4 ,but if any lady wished to inquire if her carriage had arrived1 she should ask the hostess's permission to do so2 and the bell would be rung for the purpose of making the enquiry4 ,the same remark applies to ordering a cab3 the lady should ask the hostess if one might be ordered for her4 ,the hostess should shake hands with all her guests on their departure1 rising from her seat to do so4 ,each guest on departure should shake hands with both host and hostess4 ,if1 on leaving the room1 acquaintances should pass each other1 they should wish each other good-night1 but they should not make the tour of the rooms for the purpose of so doing4 ,the host should conduct one or two of the principal of his lady guests to their carriages4 ,the ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room1 the host waiting in the hall meanwhile4 ,a gentleman related to the host or hostess1 or a friend of the family1 could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if the host were otherwise engaged4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gratuities should never be offered by the guests at a dinner-party to the servants in attendance4 ,gentlemen should not offer fees to the men-servants1 neither should ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance4 ,the guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a dinner-party4 ,if not at home1 a married lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her husband's2 a widow should leave one of her own cards2 a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards4 ,the rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between intimate friends1 and the call often omitted altogether2 and this more particularly as regards gentlemen1 whose occupations during the day are considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling4 99 99 99 99 99 ,country ,dinner-parties4--,in the country1 new acquaintances1 if neighbours1 should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call if possible1 and the return invitation should be given within the following month4 ,when guests are assembled at a country house1 they are sent in to dinner1 on the first evening1 according to their individual precedence2 but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner1 otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or six consecutive times1 according to the length of the visit1 but this is more a practice with people who march with the times1 than with what are termed old-fashioned people4 ,when a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening1 drawing lots gives way to precedency1 it being too familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-party4 99 99 99 99 99 ,saying ,grace1 both before and after 'dinner1' is a matter of feeling rather than of etiquette4 ,it used to be very much the custom to say grace1 but of late years it is oftener omitted than not1 especially at large dinner-parties in town4 ,in the country1 when a clergyman is present1 he should be asked to say grace4 ,when grace is said by the host1 it is said in a low voice1 and in a very few words2 the guests inclining their heads the while4 ,it was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the difference that now exists between the ,elizabethan and present eras2 no polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest to do1 to put knives into the salt1 to dip fingers into plates1 or to spread butter with the thumb2 on the contrary1 these things righted themselves little by little1 step by step1 until the present code of manners was arrived at4 ,but it is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the present century offered wide scope for improvement4 ,in the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular1 eccentric1 old-fashioned1 unconventional1 or any other adjective that the temper of their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms1 either small or great4 99 99 99 99 99 ,married ,ladies1 as a rule1 dine out with their ,husbands1 and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to accompany them4 ,there are1 of course1 exceptions to this rule1 and circumstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed2 but even in this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather than large ones4 ,during any temporary absence of her husband1 a lady would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends1 though she might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances2 but1 as a rule1 when it is well known that the head of a house is away for any length of time1 invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of large dinners4 ,when young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father1 mother or brother2 but occasionally1 when a young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parents'1 the young ladies are invited alone1 and they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's carriage4 ,,footnotes3 #c ,respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert1 see the work entitled ,waiting at ,table4 #d ,see the work entitled ,waiting at ,table4 ,,chapter ,,xiv ,,dinner-,,table ,,etiquette ,fashion has its freaks and its vagaries1 and in relation to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent1 but when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and a custom perhaps for many a year4 ,changes and innovations1 slight as they are1 are more subtle than sudden1 and1 paradoxical as it may seem1 they are as important as they are insignificant2 still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did duty for forks1 and that it was not customary for a host to supply his guests with forks1 who1 if fastidious enough to require them1 were expected to bring them in their pockets4 ,there are here and there people in society who affect a few eccentricities of manner1 but these whims at all times take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities2 and even then are only indulged in by those whose position in society is secure4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards ,dinner-table ,etiquette4--,when a lady has taken her seat at the dinner-table1 she should at once remove her gloves2 although occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner1 but this is conspicuous and inconvenient4 ,she should unfold her serviette and place it on her lap4 ,it is immaterial whether she places the bread on the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the serviette4 ,a gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread1 placing the one across his knees1 and the other at his right or left hand4 ,when a lady is some little time taking off her gloves1 she should remove her serviette before doing so3 otherwise a servant would offer her soup before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette1 and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her she will take1 so as not to keep the servant waiting2 and so on through every course throughout the dinner as regards fish1 meat1 etc4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the guests should consult the menu on first sitting down to dinner4 ,eating soup comes first under notice4 ,in olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin4 ,in these days no one drinks soup1 it is eaten2 whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne1 it is eaten out of a soup-plate at dinner1 and with a table-spoon4 ,there is a reason for this choice of spoons2 soup is nothing if it is not hot1 and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to each person1 it is eaten quicker1 and therefore hotter1 with a large spoon than with a small one4 ,there is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup being given in lieu of large ones1 viz4 the extent of the menu2 and when a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply1 he fears that he is expected to dine off it1 and that there is nothing much to follow4 ,again1 small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided1 and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup than plates that are half full4 ,at ball suppers1 when soup is served in soup-plates1 it is also eaten with a table-spoon1 but not when served in small cups4 ,many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of bread2 previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the proper things to use for this purpose4 ,it was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish1 and a crust of bread was substituted for the knife4 ,this fashion lasted a considerable time1 in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the plate1 and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for that crust of bread4 ,one evening a well-known diner-out discarded his crust of bread1 and ate his fish with two silver forks2 this notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork4 ,this fashion had its little day1 but at length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory1 and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver fish-knife and fork which are now in general use4 ,small pieces of fish should always be given1 and two different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when oysters are given they precede the soup1 and should be eaten with a dinner-fork1 not with a fish-fork4 ,in eating oysters the shell should be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand1 the oysters should not be cut1 but should be eaten whole4 ,very many ladies do not eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them1 while others refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat them4 ,perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired4 ,some men are very1 if not over1 fastidious1 about the appetites displayed by ladies1 and would have them reject the entrees and dine upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly4 ,others1 on the contrary1 respect a good appetite as giving proof of good health and good digestion4 ,there is of course a medium in all things1 and as large dinners are ordered mainly with a view to please the palates of men with epicurean tastes1 it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given1 but should rather select the plainest on the menu4 ,this remark more particularly applies to young ladies and young married ladies1 whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please1 without provoking comment or even observation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,with reference to entrees1 some are eaten with a knife and fork1 others with a fork only4 ,all entrees that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork1 such as cutlets1 filet de boeuf1 sweetbreads1 etc41 but when rissoles1 patties1 quenelles1 boneless curry1 vol-au-vents1 timbales1 etc41 are eaten1 the fork only should be used4 ,in the case of the lighter entrees1 the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour2 thus1 for these bonnes bouches the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them4 ,the leg of a chicken1 pheasant1 duck1 or wild duck should never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them4 ,under these circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds1 but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given1 thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone4 ,a wing of a bird is usually given to a lady4 ,formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone2 but this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist1 and dexterity1 should the bird not be in its premiere jeunesse4 ,as regards small pigeons1 golden plovers1 snipe1 quails1 larks1 etc41 a whole bird is given to each guest1 and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it2 the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate1 or cut in half or otherwise dissected4 ,the legs of ,bordeaux pigeons are not1 as a rule1 eaten1 and half a bird only is given1 as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite4 ,when the legs of smaller birds are eaten1 such as snipe or golden plover1 the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing4 ,young girls1 as a rule1 seldom eat a second course delicacy of this description2 a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually accepted by them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when large potatoes are served in their skins a salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when asparagus first comes into season it is often given in the second course instead of in the first1 in which case it is eaten as a separate dish4 ,when handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either4 ,in eating asparagus1 some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers1 but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork4 ,seakale also is given in the second course when first in season1 and should be eaten with a knife and fork4 ,mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork4 ,it need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife1 although those who reside abroad1 or who are in the habit of travelling on the continent1 are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well-bred men4 ,artichokes are1 it may be said1 an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat2 they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable2 the outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork1 and the inner leaves which surround the heart1 or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry2 epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel2 but at dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes4 ,savouries1 when possible1 should be eaten with a fork1 but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards sweets1 compotes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork1 as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary4 ,but whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so4 ,jellies1 creams1 blancmanges1 ice puddings1 etc41 should be eaten with a fork4 ,as a matter of course1 young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties4 ,,chapter ,,xv ,,evening ,,parties ,evening ,parties are styled receptions or at homes according to the number of guests invited4 ,in official and political circles they are invariably styled ,receptions1 but when given on a smaller scale in general society they are styled ,at ,homes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to evening parties should be issued on at home cards4 ,the name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card at the right-hand corner1 the words at home being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation1 the day and date beneath the words at home1 the hour beneath the date4 ,the address should be printed at the bottom of the card4 ,when music is to be given it should be mentioned on the at home card1 thus1 ,music4 ,the hour varies from #aj to #aa o'clock2 in private circles #aj or #aj4cj is the usual hour2 in official circles #aj4cj or #aa o'clock4 ,when a foreign royal personage is expected1 or a foreigner of distinction1 or a personage possessing public interest1 the words ,to meet ,her ,serene ,highness ,princess ,d41 or ,to meet ,count ,c4 should be written at the top of the invitation cards4 ,when a reception or at home follows a dinner-party given by the hostess1 it is not usual to provide any special amusement for the guests4 ,but when an at home does not follow a dinner-party1 it is usual to provide some sort of amusement for the guests1 such as professional vocal or instrumental music4 ,the guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to an hour of the time mentioned on the invitation card1 although it is optional when they do so4 99 99 99 99 99 ,receiving the ,guests4--,the hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase1 where she usually remains until the principal of her guests have arrived2 while the host welcomes the guests in the drawing-room itself4 ,receptions or at homes usually terminate shortly before one o'clock1 save on ,saturdays1 when the hour of departure is #ab o'clock precisely4 99 99 99 99 99 ,making ,introductions4--,a hostess should use her own discretion as regards making introductions4 ,when a royal personage is present the most distinguished of the guests should be presented by the host or hostess4 ,when a celebrity is present introductions should also be made2 and as regards general introductions they should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient to do so1 and the principal guests when unacquainted should be introduced to each other when the opportunity occurs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,going in to ,supper4--,the host should take the lady of highest rank in to supper4 ,when a royal princess is present the host should take her in to supper4 ,when a royal prince is present he should take the hostess in to supper4 7,see ,chapter ,v47 ,it is optional whether the hostess follows with the gentleman of highest rank present1 unless a foreign prince is present1 when she should follow the host1 and in the case of a royal prince being present she should precede the host4 ,when a royal prince or princess or a serene highness is present a table should be set apart for the host and hostess and royal party1 and any among the guests whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at supper4 ,when the supper-room is not sufficiently large to accommodate the whole of the guests at the same time1 the most distinguished guests should go in first4 ,when the host is informed that supper is served he should tell the principal gentlemen present which of the ladies he wishes them to take into supper1 and should himself lead the way with the lady of highest rank present4 ,the hostess should also assist in sending the principal guests in to supper1 and when the general company observe the move towards the supper-room1 they should follow in the same direction4 ,when the general company are apparently not aware that the supper-room is open1 the hostess should ask the various gentlemen to take the ladies in to supper1 and should herself lead the way with one of the gentlemen4 ,when the general company find the supper-room crowded they should return to the drawing-room for a quarter of an hour or so2 but the hostess should arrange for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence when supper is first served1 so as to occupy the attention of the guests who remain in the drawing-room4 ,the guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room after supper1 but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and wraps1 and thence to their carriages4 ,it is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at receptions4 99 99 99 99 99 ,royal ,guests present4--,when a royal personage is present the host should conduct her to her carriage4 ,when a foreign prince is present the host should accompany him to the hall door4 99 99 99 99 99 ,tea and ,light ,refreshments should be served during the evening in the library1 or in an adjacent apartment4 ,supper should be served at twelve o'clock1 in the dining-room1 and should be similar in character to a ball supper4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to ,bridge ,parties are issued on at home cards when the guests number upwards of forty1 and on visiting cards when a lesser number is invited4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,invitation ,form is1 ,mrs4 ,a---- ,at ,home in both instances4 ,the day1 date1 and hour are put beneath the words at home1 and ,bridge in the corner of the cards opposite the address4 ,the usual hour for holding these evening receptions is #i o'clock p4m41 which allows of three hours' play before midnight4 ,the guests arrive very punctually1 rather before than after the hour named on the invitation cards4 ,the guests comprise an equal number of both sexes1 as husbands and wives are invited together when both are known to be bridge players1 and bachelors who do not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request4 ,also unmarried ladies of a certain age2 not girls in their teens4 ,prizes are given in some houses to the conquering players4 ,one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen1 and occasionally a second prize for the second best player of either sex4 ,this is done when playing for money does not commend itself to a host and hostess4 ,the prizes consist for the most part of useful articles4 ,for instance1 a box of gloves1 a box of bon-bons1 a case of eau d',cologne1 a card-case1 a bag purse1 and so on1 all of which are acceptable to ladies2 and a box of cigars or cigarettes1 a silver pocket-flask1 a silver-mounted stick or umbrella1 are prizes the men winners are pleased to accept4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridge ,tables at which the guests are to sit are numbered1 and the hostess arranges by whom they are to be occupied4 ,the names--four in number for each table--are written or printed with the number of the table upon small cards and given to the guests by the hostess on arrival4 ,this is done that good players may be placed together1 and to save confusion and loss of time in seating them at the various tables4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,refreshments provided consist in the first instance of coffee1 which is brought into the card-room or drawing-room and handed to the guests4 ,no eatables are given with this after-dinner coffee4 ,a supper is given either at the conclusion of the play at #ab o'clock--this being the more usual plan--or at #aj4cj1 after which play is resumed for another hour or so2 but the latter is more of a provincial custom than a town one1 and is intended for those whose dinner hour is an early one--#f4cj1 perhaps4 ,when a supper is not given1 very good light refreshments are substituted for it1 including cups of hot soup in the winter months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,going in to ,supper is arranged as far as possible on the following lines1 if precedence does not prevent its being carried out4 ,the players at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together4 ,the host leads the way with his partner1 and all follow1 the hostess and her partner going last4 99 99 99 99 99 ,cards should be left within a week or ten days after a reception4 ,a married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's cards4 ,a widow should leave one of her own cards4 ,a bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards4 7,see ,chapter ,,iii47 ,,chapter ,,xvi ,,weddings ,,and ,,wedding ,,luncheons ,afternoon ,weddings are invariably solemnized at #b4cj o'clock4 ,only very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours4 ,formerly1 it was only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could have afternoon weddings4 99 99 99 99 99 ,marriage by ,banns is greatly in favour in general society4 ,the banns must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in the parish in which the bridegroom resides1 and also in that in which the bride resides1 and both should reside fifteen days in their respective parishes previous to the banns being published4 99 99 99 99 99 ,marriages by ,licence4--,when a marriage is solemnised by licence the cost1 with fees and stamps1 amounts to ,l#b4 ,this should be obtained at the ,faculty ,office1 or at the ,vicar-,general's ,office1 ,doctors' ,commons1 and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for the licence1 either in town or country4 ,when the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate the cost varies1 according to the diocese1 from ,l#a #aes4 to ,l#b #abs4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,special ,licences can only be obtained from the ,archbishop of ,canterbury1 after application at the ,faculty ,office1 and an especial reason must be given for the application1 and one that will meet with the ,archbishop's approval4 ,the fees for a special marriage licence average ,l#bi #es4 #f;d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,fees to the officiating clergymen vary considerably1 according to the position and means of the bridegroom1 from ,l#a #as4 to ,l#e #es4 as the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate4 ,the fee to the verger is subject to a like variation1 commencing at #bs4 #f;d4 ,all fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom1 and paid by him1 or by the best man on his behalf1 in the vestry of the church1 previous to the ceremony2 immediately after it1 or some days earlier4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,etiquette observed at ,weddings is invariably the same whether the wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon1 or whether it is a grand wedding or a comparatively small one1 whether the guests number two hundred or whether they number twenty4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,invitations should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight before the wedding-day4 ,the wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative1 and the invitations should be issued in the names of both parents4 ,the invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink2 they are now seldom printed in silver4 ,the form should be as follows3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ----'s company at the marriage of their daughter ,helen with ,mr4 ,john ,s----1 at ,st4 ,peter's ,church1 ,hanover ,square1 on ,tuesday1 ,may #hth1 at #b4cj o'clock1 and afterwards at ---- ,square4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,if a stepdaughter1 it should be at the marriage of ,mrs4 ,a----'s daughter ,helen ,b----4 99 99 99 99 99 ,wedding ,presents4--,every one who is invited to a wedding invariably makes the bride or bridegroom a present2 it is the received rule to do so4 ,many send presents before the invitations are sent out--as soon as the engagement is made known1 if it is not to be a long one4 ,there is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present should be sent2 but invitations are usually sent to those who have given presents1 even though they live at a considerable distance1 and may not be able to attend the wedding4 ,wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes1 according to their number1 and if very numerous and valuable1 it is not unusual to exhibit them at an afternoon tea1 given for the purpose on the day previous to the wedding4 ,each present should bear the card of the giver attached to it4 ,presents of silver plate should be placed on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet4 ,it is not unusual to surround the presents with flowers1 notably roses1 and this is often done by persons of artistic tastes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridegroom should provide the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet4 ,the bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom1 and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding4 ,he is also expected to make a present to each bridesmaid--either a brooch1 a locket1 a bracelet1 or a fan1 which should either be sent the day before the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day4 ,the bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and reception are to take place1 and again from the house to the railway-station1 or1 if the journey is made by road1 to the place of honeymoon2 but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose1 especially in the country4 ,the bridal carriage is the only one1 according to etiquette1 which the bridegroom is expected to provide4 ,the invited guests should provide their own conveyances1 and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so4 ,this should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case4 ,the custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very general1 as at royal weddings1 a royal bridegroom being supported by from four to six groomsmen4 ,two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers and assist in seating the guests4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,best ,man should be a bachelor1 although a married man could act in this capacity4 ,he should either accompany the bridegroom to the church or meet him there4 ,he should stand at his right hand during the ceremony--a little in the rear--and should render him the trifling service of handing him his hat at the close of it4 ,he should sign the register afterwards in the vestry1 and should pay the fees to the clergyman and to the verger1 on behalf of the bridegroom1 either before or after the ceremony1 if the bridegroom does not pay them on arrival4 ,the bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the bride1 and await her coming1 standing at the right-hand side of the chancel gates4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car4 ,if she has a sister or sisters1 and they officiate as bridesmaids1 they1 with her mother1 should precede her to the church4 ,the motor-car should then return to fetch the bride and her father2 but when she has no sisters1 her father generally precedes her to the church1 and receives her at the church door1 her mother accompanying her in the motor-car4 ,the bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride1 and form a line on either side of the church porch1 or within the church doorway4 ,the mother of the bride usually stands beside them4 ,when the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm1 or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative1 who is deputed to give her away2 he should meet her at the church door in the place of her father1 and conduct her to the chancel or altar4 ,at choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and lead the way to the chancel1 singing a hymn the while4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridesmaids should follow the bride and her father up the nave of the church4 ,when the number of bridesmaids is even1 four1 six1 eight1 or twelve2 but when the number is odd1 as five1 seven1 or nine1 and three of them happen to be children1 which is generally the case1 the elder bridesmaids should walk two and two1 following next after the children4 ,at fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as pages1 and occasionally bear the bride's train4 ,the head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or the bridegroom's sister1 and she should follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid1 when children are not included in the group4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride's ,mother should follow next to the bridesmaids1 and walk by the side of her son1 or other male relative1 in following them up the nave of the church4 ,ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a wedding1 but side by side4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride's ,immediate ,relatives and the near relatives of the bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs1 according to the church in which the service is celebrated4 ,in some churches the service takes place at the entrance of the chancel1 and the bridal party enter the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address1 and the concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridegroom's ,relatives should place themselves on entering at the right of the nave1 thus being on the bridegroom's right hand1 and seat themselves in pews4 ,the relatives of the bride should place themselves on entering at the left of the nave1 thus being on the bride's left hand1 and seat themselves in pews or chairs4 ,large cards with the words ,for the ,relatives of the ,bridegroom1 ,for the ,relatives of the ,bride1 are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride should stand at the bridegroom's left hand2 the bride's father1 or nearest male relative1 should stand at her left hand1 in order to give her away4 ,the bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order in which they pass up the church4 ,the bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold4 ,the invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs4 ,guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow the service therefrom4 ,the hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets1 and placed in the pews or on the seats4 ,the bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole1 as he does not wear a wedding favour4 ,the other gentlemen may1 as a matter of course1 wear button-hole bouquets1 if they please4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the ,service is concluded1 the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm1 and1 preceded by the officiating clergyman1 and followed by her head bridesmaids1 father1 mother1 and the most distinguished of the guests1 should enter the vestry1 where the register should be signed by the bride and bridegroom1 two or three of the nearest relatives1 and by two or three of the most intimate of the friends1 and principal of the guests1 including the best man and the head bridesmaid4 ,the bride's father should sign it1 but it is optional whether the bride's mother does so or not4 ,when the register has been signed1 and those in the vestry have shaken hands with the bride and offered their congratulations1 the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm and pass down the nave of the church followed by her bridesmaids1 in the same order as they have previously passed up the nave4 ,the bride and bridegroom usually leave the church without pausing to shake hands with many of their friends present if a reception is to follow4 ,when the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church1 the bride's mother should be the next to follow1 that she may be at home to receive the guests as they arrive4 ,there is no precedence as to the order in which the remainder of the company leave the church2 it entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their motor-cars4 99 99 99 99 99 ,button-hole ,bouquets of natural flowers have entirely superseded the old-fashioned wedding favours for both ladies and gentlemen1 and are sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the conclusion of the ceremony1 but not invariably so4 ,button-hole bouquets should be worn on the left side1 by both ladies and gentlemen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,bride who is a ,widow should not wear a bridal veil1 nor a wreath of orange-blossoms1 nor orange-blossom on her dress4 ,she should not be attended by bridesmaids1 and wedding favours should not be worn by the guests4 99 99 99 99 99 ,how the ,invitations to the ,wedding ,reception of a ,widow should be issued depends upon individual circumstances4 ,for instance1 if a young widow resides with her parents1 the invitations should be issued in their names as at her first marriage1 and the form of invitation should be similar1 save that the words ,their daughter1 ,mrs4 ,a41 widow of ,mr4 ,a4 should be substituted for her christian name4 ,if1 as is very frequently the case1 a widow resides in her own house1 or if the marriage is to take place from an hotel1 the invitations should be issued in her own name1 and the form should be ,mrs4 ,cecil ,a4 requests the pleasure 7or the honour7 of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,b4's company at her marriage with ,mr4 ,henry ,c41 at ,st4 ,george's ,church on ,tuesday1 ,december #cjth1 at #b4cj o'clock1 and afterwards at ,eaton ,gardens1 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,the presence of instead of the company of may be put if preferred4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is understood that a ,widow should not have ,bridesmaids1 but it is open to her to have the attendance of pages1 if a wedding is to be a fashionable and smart one1 although many ladies do not avail themselves of this privilege4 ,the bridegroom should have a best man1 as a matter of course2 he may be the bride's brother if desired 7the idea that this is not permitted is an erroneous one74 ,a married man might be asked to act in the capacity of best man1 there being no bridesmaids to require his attention1 although this is seldom done1 and a bachelor brother or friend is preferred4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,widow may be given away by her father1 uncle1 brother1 or even by a friend2 indeed1 it is more usual to have this support than not4 ,at a first marriage to be given away is imperative1 at a second it is optional2 and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this custom she can do so4 99 99 99 99 99 ,much ,uncertainty exists as to whether a ,widow should or should not continue to wear her ,first ,wedding ,ring when she marries a second time4 ,in point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it1 and a widow may continue or not continue to wear it1 as she feels inclined4 ,if she has children1 and has had some years of married life1 she usually retains it4 ,if she is a young widow1 she is likely to remove it1 and wear the second ring only2 but when this is her intention1 she should not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church1 and has taken off her gloves previous to the ceremony2 but1 take it all in all1 it is more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only4 99 99 99 99 99 ,formerly1 ,widows considered it ,imperative to be married in ,widow's ,colours1 grey or mauve1 and that white was forbidden wear2 but it is no longer so regarded1 and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her wedding-day--not exactly a maiden bridal dress1 as a tinge of colour is introduced4 ,the larger number still regard pale grey or pale heliotrope as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage1 and doubtless this is so when a widow is not in her first youth4 ,a widow may not1 of course1 wear a bridal veil2 she must wear a hat or toque1 white or coloured1 as she pleases4 ,she can have a bouquet1 not of white flowers only1 but mauve or pink1 or violets1 according to choice4 ,it is quite permissible to have a full choral service1 and for the church in which the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers1 but wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,widow has a reception the ,newly ,married ,pair should receive their ,guests standing together4 ,the bride's mother1 or near relative1 could assist them in receiving4 ,if a luncheon is to be given1 they should lead the way to the dining-room1 and sit at the head of the table1 side by side2 but if a reception tea is given1 the guests might be sent in at the tea hour--that is to say1 told that tea is going on1 and the bride and bridegroom could follow later should the numbers be too great to admit of all going into the tea room at the same time4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is quite in ,order for a ,widow to have a ,wedding ,cake1 but it should not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers1 merely with icing and ornamentations4 ,the display of presents at the marriage of a widow is1 as a rule1 a very restricted one4 ,the bridegroom and the bridegroom's family being the principal donors1 the presents are seldom exhibited4 ,the exception is when a widow has made many new friends1 and has received wedding presents from them4 ,presents1 when made to a widow having a house of her own1 are expected to be of substantial value1 and there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles1 even if expensive ones1 such as a girl-bride would appreciate2 not so a married lady of social standing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,on arriving at the ,house where the wedding luncheon or reception is to be held1 the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall4 ,the ladies should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or reception1 neither should the bridesmaids do so4 ,gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons1 but it is optional whether ladies do so or not4 ,at receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they take off their gloves or not4 ,the guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the bride and bridegroom1 on being ushered into the drawing-room1 where the company assembles1 should shake hands with them1 having first gone through that ceremony with the host and hostess1 if they have not already done so4 ,previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father or mother should tell the principal of the gentlemen present whom to take down to luncheon4 ,but this only applies to a sit-down luncheon4 ,at standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples1 but go in as they please1 even two or three ladies together1 and little or no precedency1 bridal or otherwise1 is followed as a general rule4 ,the luncheon should be served in the dining-room1 library1 or large marquee1 as the case may be4 ,the bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at strictly ,family ,gatherings the ,guests should go in to ,luncheon in the following order3--,the bride and bridegroom4 ,the bride's father with the bridegroom's mother4 ,the bridegroom's father with the bride's mother4 ,the best man with the head bridesmaid4 ,the remaining bridesmaids with the gentlemen who are to take them in to luncheon4 ,the rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids4 ,the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm4 ,sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally fashionable1 although the latter are far more general1 and little or no bridal precedency is observed4 ,when a standing-up luncheon is given1 small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one side of the room1 while a long table occupies the centre of the room4 ,when a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and bridegroom should sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it--the bride at the bridegroom's left hand4 ,the bride's father should sit next the bride with the bridegroom's mother4 ,when the bride and bridegroom sit at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon2 each sitting at a gentleman's right hand4 ,when the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table1 the bridesmaids1 with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon1 should place themselves next the parents on either side of the table1 dividing their number into two groups4 ,when the bride's father is dead1 her eldest brother or nearest male relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother in to luncheon4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,wedding ,breakfast is now termed a luncheon1 champagne and other wines take the place of tea and coffee1 which beverages are not served until towards the end of the luncheon4 ,at weddings which take place at #b4cj p4m41 a luncheon is frequently given at #c1 followed by a tea at #d4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,luncheon ,menu generally comprises soup1 entrees both hot and cold2 chickens1 game1 mayonnaises1 salads1 jellies1 creams1 etc41 etc41 and other dishes of a like character4 ,the sweets should be placed on the table1 fruit also4 ,the entrees1 etc41 should be handed by the servants1 the sweets should also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in turn4 ,at a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and themselves to the various dishes on the table1 as dishes are not handed at this description of luncheon2 hot entrees and soup are not given4 ,the menu is in other respects similar4 ,the tables should be decorated with flowers at either a standing-up or a sitting-down luncheon4 ,bottles of champagne should be placed the length of the table at a standing-up luncheon2 if not1 the gentlemen should ask the servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they have taken down1 and for themselves4 ,at a sitting-down luncheon the servants offer champagne to the guests in the same order in which they hand the dishes4 ,when the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding-cake4 ,this she does by merely making the first incision with a knife2 it should then be cut by the butler into small slices1 and handed on dessert plates to the guests4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,health of the ,bride and ,bridegroom should then be proposed by the most distinguished guest present1 for which the bridegroom should return thanks4 ,he should then propose the health of the bridesmaids1 for which the best man should return thanks4 ,occasionally the gentleman of highest rank present also proposes this health in place of the bridegroom4 ,the health of the bride's father and mother should be proposed by the bridegroom's father4 ,it is now the custom to confine proposing healths at wedding luncheons within the narrowest limits4 ,the health of the bride and bridegroom1 and that of the bridesmaids being1 in general1 the only healths proposed4 ,at standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions1 the health of the bride and bridegroom only is proposed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride should leave the ,dining-room immediately after the healths have been drunk1 to change her dress for departure4 ,the head bridesmaid should accompany her1 if related to her1 and the guests should adjourn to the drawing-room to await the bride's reappearance1 which should not be long delayed1 and the adieus should then be made4 ,leave-takings should not be prolonged more than is absolutely necessary4 ,the parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into the hall1 and adieus to them should there be made4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,old-fashioned ,custom of throwing satin slippers after the bride is sometimes observed1 foolish as it is4 ,it is the best man's or the head bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act4 ,when rice is thrown after a bride it should be scattered by the married and not by the unmarried ladies present2 but the custom1 like that of throwing the so-called confetti1 is now practically obsolete in good society4 99 99 99 99 99 ,strewing the ,bride's ,path with ,flowers from the church to the carriage by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take place in the country4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,honeymoon now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days4 ,many brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home1 if it happens to be in the country1 instead of making a hurried trip to ,paris or elsewhere1 or to spending it at the country house of a friend1 lent to them for the purpose4 ,but it is entirely a matter of individual feeling which course is taken4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride's ,trousseau should be marked with the initials of the name she is to take4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridegroom should provide the house-linen and all other things appertaining to the bride's new home4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,wedding ,presents should be dispatched to the bride's residence immediately after the wedding1 and they should at once be put into their several places1 and not arranged for the purpose of being shown to visitors4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridal ,wreath should not be worn after the wedding-day4 ,the bridal wreath1 the bridal bouquet1 and the orange blossoms from the wedding-cake1 if treasured as mementos of the happy event1 should be preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber1 and not exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room4 99 99 99 99 99 ,precedence should not be accorded to a bride during the first three months after marriage1 although this old-fashioned custom is sometimes followed at country dinner-parties on the occasion of a bride's first visit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,custom of sending ,wedding ,cake to friends is an exploded one1 and only followed between near relations4 99 99 99 99 99 ,wedding ,cards are1 strictly speaking1 out of date1 and only sent by people who adhere to old-fashioned customs4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,words ,no ,cards should not be inserted when the announcement of a marriage is sent to the newspapers2 neither should the intimation be added that the bride and bridegroom will be at home on certain days4 ,,chapter ,,xvii ,,wedding ,,receptions ,an ,afternoon ,wedding usually takes place between #b and #b4cj o'clock1 and the reception that follows is given from #b4cj to #e1 on the return from the church4 ,when a wedding is a choral one the choir and clergy frequently head the bridal procession4 ,this is arranged with the vicar of the church where the marriage is solemnized4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to wedding receptions are no longer issued on at home cards1 but are included in the invitations to the wedding ceremony issued in printed notes4 7,see ,chapter ,,xvi47 ,the arrangements in the tea-room1 and the refreshments given1 should be similar to those provided at large afternoon at homes1 with the addition of wedding-cake and champagne4 99 99 99 99 99 ,ceremony is1 as far as possible1 dispensed with as regards sending the guests into the tea-room1 and this is a great advantage gained over a wedding luncheon1 either a sitting-down or a standing-up one1 when people are doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual relative4 ,the bride and bridegroom either enter first1 followed by the bridesmaids and a few of the principal guests1 or they follow later1 as they prefer4 ,the remainder of the company should make their way downstairs as space permits1 for a wedding reception is a crowded affair1 even in the largest of mansions4 ,not only is every one invited who has given a wedding present to either bride or bridegroom1 within visiting distance1 but even others who are not intimate enough to be expected to do so4 ,the guests should not make their way in the first instance to the tea-room1 but should proceed at once to the drawing-room and shake hands with the host and hostess1 and afterwards with the bride and bridegroom4 ,the bride and bridegroom should stand together within the drawing-room and shake hands with all those with whom they are acquainted4 ,the bride and bridegroom should be the first to enter the tea-room4 ,flowers1 as a matter of course1 are a great feature at wedding receptions4 ,the tea and coffee should be served by the maid-servants1 generally by the lady's maids1 but men-servants should also be in attendance to open the champagne as required4 ,very little wine is drunk at this hour of the day4 ,ladies seldom care for it1 and gentlemen avoid it on principle4 ,still1 out of compliment to the bride1 the relatives quaff a cup of sparkling wine1 although her health is seldom proposed or speeches of any kind made4 ,the bride should put the knife into the wedding-cake1 and the butler should cut it up and hand it to the guests4 ,seats should not be placed in the tea-room1 and the tables should occupy the top or side1 or both the top and side1 of the room1 according to the number of guests invited1 so as to leave as much space as possible in the centre of the room4 ,the bride and bridegroom are not always present at a wedding tea1 as the departure for the proposed place of honeymoon does not in every case admit of it1 and the mother holds the at home1 and the guests inspect the presents after the newly-married couple have left4 ,an at home is sometimes given a few days previous to the wedding for the inspection of the presents1 if they are very numerous and beautiful2 but even when this is done they still form a centre of interest on the afternoon of the wedding to the many guests4 ,when jewellery and plate to any great extent form a portion of the presents1 it is sometimes thought necessary to have a policeman on duty while the house is open to so many comers1 and when to effect an entrance under the pretext of business would be an easy matter4 ,,chapter ,,xviii ,,wedding ,,expenses ,the ,responsibilities of a ,bridegroom from a pecuniary point of view commence from the moment of his engagement4 ,he must at once present the bride-elect with an engagement ring4 ,a man of even moderate wealth finds no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from ,l#ej to ,l#ajj2 but a poor man1 possessing but a small income1 is often put to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement ring4 ,he knows all the members of the bride's family will sit in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth about ,l#aj1 which is quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending2 he knows that both it and himself will be regarded as very mean1 or as conveying a not very inspiriting prospect of days to come4 ,the engagement ring worn on the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento1 and if a poor one she will not be proud of it--neither will he4 ,rich men take the brides to choose engagement rings1 expense being no object to them2 but poor men cannot do this1 as the choice might fall on gems beyond their means1 therefore they make the choice themselves1 according to the position of the families they are about to enter4 ,if the standing is above their own1 from a money point of view1 the engagement rings have to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such families1 and a bridegroom would thus spend ,l#dj at least on an engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed4 ,on the other hand1 when men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar position to their own1 the engagement rings given are not costly ones1 and a ten-pound note1 or even less1 would cover the cost of these binding tokens4 ,the wedding rings are within the means of all bridegrooms1 be they ever so poor4 99 99 99 99 99 ,during the ,engagement the question of presents to the brides-elect is never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms4 ,the wealthy please themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels1 which are often chosen by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms4 ,this is very delightful shopping1 but it does not fall to the lot of the great majority4 ,men of moderate means give presents of moderate value and few in number2 they are not bound by etiquette during their engagements to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this outlay2 but a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some such trinket to the girl he is about to marry4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to give ,presents to the ,bridesmaids is another of the obligations of bridegrooms4 ,here again1 the wealthy exercise their generosity and good taste with the concurrence of their brides1 who assist them in the choice of suitable presents in articles of jewellery4 ,these average ,l#e and upwards for each bridesmaid1 which bring it to a good total when the bridesmaids are numerous4 ,the point that affects the generosity of bridegrooms1 however1 is not how much they ought to spend on these presents1 but rather1 how little may be spent upon them with due consideration for the fitness of things1 viz4 the position of the bridesmaids4 ,two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridal ,bouquet and the ,bridesmaids' ,bouquets come next on the list of expenses a bridegroom defrays4 ,rich men spend liberally in this direction1 but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet1 and five and twenty to fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,fees connected with the ,ceremony are strictly the province of the bridegroom to defray4 ,if a marriage is by licence1 he pays the cost1 which in town amounts to ,l#b #bs4 #f;d41 and in the country from ,l#b #abs4 #f;d4 to ,l#c #cs4 ,the fee to the vicar of the church where the marriage is to be solemnised varies from ,l#a #as4 to ,l#e #es41 oftener ,l#a #as4 than not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate incomes1 the exception being ,l#e #es4 ,the minor fees are very trifling that a bridegroom is expected to pay4 ,he pays the organist for playing a wedding march at the conclusion of the service1 if it is not a choral one2 the bell-ringers look to him for their fee1 as do the vergers1 etc4 ,thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage ceremony only1 and very little besides4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a ,friend of the ,bride or ,bridegroom performs the ,ceremony or assists at it a fee is not given to him by the bridegroom1 but a present of some kind is made to him1 either in silver plate or by a small cheque1 as circumstances dictate1 for railway expenses or otherwise4 ,it is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman in question is a relative of the bride1 when a joint present is usually given by bride and bridegroom4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bride's ,parents bear a ,large ,share of the ,wedding ,expenses1 foremost of which is the bride's trousseau1 the cost of this being entirely dependent on position and income4 ,the dinners and at homes given before the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members of the bride's family are given by the bride's parents4 ,the wedding reception is given by them1 either at their own residence or at an hotel4 ,as concerns their share of the expenses connected with the ceremony1 it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a quiet one4 ,if the former1 the expenses that fall to them are somewhat considerable2 if the latter1 they are almost nil4 ,a choral service1 for instance1 is paid for by the bride's parents1 the organist1 choirmaster1 and choir all being severally paid by them4 ,if the hymns sung are printed on leaflets this trifling expense also is included4 ,all floral decorations are paid for by the bride's parents1 as is the hire of the awning and the red felt at the church doors4 ,when wedding favours or buttonholes are given it is by them also4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for whom the ,bride's ,family are expected to provide ,conveyances is invariably a ,misunderstood ,detail4--,the bride's father has only to provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church1 and for those members of his family residing under his roof1 and for visitors staying with him for the wedding4 ,he is not required to provide them for any other of the guests1 save in the country1 and then only for those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain conveyances for themselves4 ,in town the bridegroom has to provide the motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's house1 and afterwards to the station4 ,in the country the reverse is the case1 and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own carriages or cars for the purpose4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,bridegroom is expected to provide the ,furniture and all household effects for the new home1 including plate and linen1 which latter naturally form very important items4 ,many of the bridal presents1 however are made to lighten these expenses1 and consist of plate to a great extent1 and occasionally of linen also1 from the members of the bride's family2 still1 the rule in ,england is that the bridegroom should provide it as part of the necessaries of the home1 and the gift of it by relatives is altogether optional4 ,,chapter ,,xix ,,afternoon ,,at ,,homes ,afternoon ,at ,homes are a great feature amongst the entertainments of the day1 large afternoon parties1 and small afternoon parties2 parties so large that the number of guests equals those at a big crush or evening reception1 and so small that they might fairly come under the denomination of afternoon teas4 ,at afternoon at homes1 ladies are present in a considerable majority1 there being usually from about ten gentlemen to thirty ladies on an average present at these gatherings4 ,ladies have a decided partiality for this class of entertainment1 as it affords an opportunity for meeting their friends and acquaintances1 or for making new acquaintances1 and for forming future plans and interchanging civilities2 and even in the height of the ,london season1 afternoon at homes are fully attended by the members of the fashionable world4 ,there are various classes of afternoon at homes3 the large at home of from fifty to two hundred guests1 when usually professional vocal and instrumental talent is engaged1 and fairly good music given1 although the entertainment is not of sufficient importance to be termed a concert2 the at home of from fifty to a hundred guests when only amateur talent is in requisition2 and the small at home of from ten to thirty people1 when conversation usually takes the place of music1 the party being composed of friends rather than of acquaintances4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to ,at ,homes should be issued in the name of the hostess only1 and not in the united names of the master and mistress of the house4 ,invitations should be issued on at home cards1 large and small1 and also on visiting cards4 ,the name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card at the right-hand corner1 the words at home being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation1 and the day and date beneath the words at home1 and the hour beneath the date4 ,any amusement to be given should be added at the bottom of the card at the left-hand corner4 ,the address should be printed at the right-hand corner at the bottom of the card4 ,the letters ,r4,s4,v4,p4 are occasionally either written or printed on the at home card1 at the left-hand corner of the bottom of the card1 but it is not usual to write ,r4,s4,v4,p4 in the corner of an afternoon at home card1 as it is immaterial how many guests are present at this class of entertainment2 but if an answer is so requested1 an answer should be sent4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 signifies repondez1 s'il vous plait1 or an answer is requested4 ,it is customary to include the head of the family1 either husband or father1 in the invitation4 ,thus1 at the top of the card1 at the right-hand corner should be written ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,a41 or ,mr4 and ,miss ,a4 ,the daughters of the house should be included in the invitation sent to their mother4 ,thus ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,a41 ,the ,misses ,a41 but the sons of the house should be invited separately4 ,when a family consists of a mother and daughters1 the invitation should be ,mrs4 and the ,misses ,a4 ,the title of ,honourable should not be put on an invitation card1 but only on the envelope containing the card4 ,all other titles are recognised on invitation cards2 but the letters ,k4,c4,b41 ,m4,p41 etc41 should not be written on the cards1 but only on the envelopes in which they are enclosed4 ,if a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present1 it would be polite to send her excuses1 although strict etiquette does not demand it2 both the invitation and the answer can in all cases be sent by post4 ,it is not now considered necessary to leave cards after afternoon at homes4 ,invitations to large afternoon at homes should be issued a fortnight previous to the day1 and to small at homes within a week or so of the day4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,arrival of ,guests4--,when invited guests arrive1 they should not inquire if the hostess is at home1 but at once enter the house2 and they should be ushered at once into the tea-room4 ,the gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in the hall4 ,at large at homes a cloak-room should be provided1 so that a lady could remove a cloak or fur-cape1 usually worn during the winter weather2 but at small at homes a cloak-room is not necessary1 as the reception-rooms are neither so crowded nor so warm1 neither are the ladies' toilettes so elaborate4 99 99 99 99 99 ,refreshments4--,at large at homes refreshments should be served in the dining-room1 on a long buffet at one end of the room1 or on a long table the length of the room4 ,the lady's-maids and other maid-servants should stand behind the table to pour out and hand the cups of tea or coffee across the table as asked for4 ,it is usual to have women-servants on these occasions to pour out the tea1 a man-servant or men-servants being also in attendance1 in case anything is required of them1 although gentlemen usually help themselves to claret-cup1 wine1 etc4 ,the usual refreshments given at these at homes are tea and coffee1 the latter served from large silver urns4 7,see chapter ,preparing ,afternoon ,tea1 in the work entitled ,waiting at ,table47 ,sherry1 champagne-cup1 claret-cup1 ices1 fruit1 fancy biscuits and cakes1 thin bread-and-butter1 potted game1 sandwiches1 etc4 ,ice plates are used for ices1 dessert plates for fruit and fruit salads4 ,at small at homes champagne1 claret-cup1 and ices are not given4 ,the tea should be made in teapots1 instead of in urns1 at both large and small at homes4 ,at small at homes the tea is usually served in the smaller of the two drawing-rooms1 or in an adjoining boudoir or ante-room4 ,the tea is then poured out by the young ladies of the house1 or by the hostess herself1 but seldom by maid-servants when served in the drawing-room4 ,the most convenient manner1 however1 of serving tea is to serve it in the dining-room1 unless the number of guests is limited1 when it would appear unsociable if they were to congregate in the dining-room1 leaving the hostess comparatively alone in the drawing-room4 ,when tea is served in the dining-room1 the guests are usually asked by the servant in attendance if they will have tea before being ushered into the drawing-room4 ,at small teas1 the cups of tea should be handed to the ladies by the gentlemen present1 or by the young lady officiating at the tea-table1 and gentlemen generally stand about the room1 or near the tea-table1 at small at homes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,receiving ,guests4--,the servant should precede the guests to the drawing-room as in morning calls4 ,at large at homes the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door1 and shake hands with each on arrival4 ,the drawing-room door should remain open1 and she should stand within the doorway4 ,at small teas1 the drawing-room door should not remain open1 and the hostess should receive her guests within the room1 as at morning calls4 ,the guests should arrive from a quarter-past four until half-past five or six o'clock4 ,the guests are not expected to remain the whole three hours specified1 and are at liberty to remain as long or as short a time as they please4 ,the earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave4 ,when the hostess judges it expedient to do so1 she introduces one or two of the ladies to each other1 either in a formal manner 7see ,chapter ,,ii471 or in a semi-formal manner1 by saying1 ,mrs4 ,a41 ,i don't think you know ,mrs4 ,b42 but she should not say this unless quite certain that ,mrs4 ,b4 desires the acquaintance of ,mrs4 ,a41 or that ,mrs4 ,a4 has no objection to knowing ,mrs4 ,b4#e ,it is rather the exception than the rule to make general introductions on these occasions4 ,introductions should only be made when the hostess is aware that the persons introduced would be likely to appreciate each other1 or for any reason of equal weight4 ,the guests should go to the tea-room with any gentlemen of their acquaintance present1 or in the case of ladies with each other1 if they have not done so on arrival4 ,this move to the tea-room is usually made in the intervals between music1 recitations1 etc4 ,occasionally1 the hostess introduces one or two of the gentlemen present to the ladies of highest rank for the purpose of sending them into the tea-room4 ,a lady should place her empty cup on any table near at hand1 unless a gentleman offers to put it down for her4 ,it is optional whether a lady removes her gloves or not1 and many prefer not to do so4 ,at large at homes1 the hostess remains at her post the whole of the time1 and hardly ever sits down4 ,at small at homes1 she should move amongst her guests1 conversing with them all more or less4 ,when there are daughters1 they should assist their mother in entertaining the guests4 ,when ladies are acquainted1 they should take an opportunity of speaking to each other4 ,it is usual for ladies to move about the rooms at afternoon at homes to speak to their various friends and acquaintances2 and they are by no means obliged to remain seated in one spot unless desirous of doing so4 ,when music is given at afternoon at homes1 it is usual to listen to the performance1 or at least to appear to do so2 and if conversation is carried on1 it should be in a low tone1 so as not to disturb or annoy the performers4 ,it is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon at homes1 unless she is standing near the drawing-room door when the guest is passing out1 or unless she is a new acquaintance1 and the visit a first one at her house1 when it would be polite to do so4 ,when it is late1 and but a few guests still remain1 these few should make their adieus to the hostess4 ,at these afternoon teas or at homes1 the hostess should not ring to order the door to be opened for the departing guest or for her motor-car to be called1 as at morning calls4 ,the guests make their way to the hall1 and the servants in attendance call up the motor-cars as they are asked for4 ,motor-cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon at homes1 as ladies are sometimes unable to remain longer than a quarter of an hour4 ,the guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-room until they hear their motor-cars are announced4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gratuities should never be offered to servants at these entertainments1 or1 in fact1 at any entertainment whatever4 99 99 99 99 99 ,afternoon ,concerts4--,when afternoon concerts are given1 invitations should be issued on the usual at home cards1 which can be purchased with the words at home1 etc41 already printed1 or they are printed to order1 with the name and address of the hostess4 ,the name of the person invited should be written above the name of the hostess at the right-hand corner of the card4 ,the date under the line at home should be in the centre of the card beneath the name of the hostess2 the hour should be written at the left-hand corner1 and the letters ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,the printed address should be at the right-hand corner4 ,the names of the performers should be added at the bottom of the card at the right-hand corner4 ,the hour usually fixed for a concert is #c o'clock4 ,the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door1 when they should at once seat themselves4 ,the seats should be arranged in rows down the centre of the room1 and sofas and settees should be placed around the room4 ,the programme of a concert is divided into two parts1 and at the conclusion of the first part the guests should repair to the dining-room for refreshments1 which are served as at large at homes4 99 99 99 99 99 ,afternoon ,dances4--,invitations to afternoon dances should be issued on at home cards in the manner already described4 ,dancing should be printed in the corner of cards1 and the hour of #d to #g o'clock substituted for that of #c o'clock4 ,the words afternoon dance should not be written on an invitation card1 and there is no other received form of invitation for afternoon dances than the one already given4 ,afternoon dances are very popular at watering-places1 military stations1 small towns in the vicinity of ,london1 etc41 but are seldom given in ,london itself4 ,refreshments should be served during the whole of the afternoon1 from #d to #g1 as at large at homes4 ,the ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the cloak-room1 but retain their hats or bonnets2 the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door1 as at an afternoon at home4 99 99 99 99 99 ,bridge ,teas occupy an important place in social life4 ,they are a convenient form of entertainment1 as they allow of a small number of guests being invited1 even as few as eight persons being considered a reasonable number of players to invite1 while twenty-four is distinctly an outside one4 ,the average number is in most instances sixteen1 all told4 ,the play usually commences at #c4cj1 sometimes earlier1 and continues until #g4cj1 allowing an interval for tea at #d4cj4 ,the invitations to these informal gatherings are either issued in friendly notes or on visiting cards4 ,if on the latter1 the words at home1 day1 and date are written under the name of the hostess1 while ,bridge1 #c4cj1 or #c o'clock is put in the corner of the cards opposite the address4 ,the hostess arranges beforehand the places the guests are to occupy at the different tables2 this is done that the good players may play together4 ,when all have arrived1 the hostess tells her guests where to sit1 and is herself one of the players4 ,on taking their seats they cut for partners4 ,she does not invite guests to look on1 as it would necessitate her not playing1 but talking to them while they remain2 besides conversation is discouraged1 as it distracts the attention of the players from the game4 ,the ladies retain their hats1 but remove their coats1 furs1 etc41 on arrival4 ,,footnotes3 #e ,see chapter ,conversing with ,new ,acquaintances1 in the work entitled ,the ,art of ,conversing4 ,,chapter ,,xx ,,at ,,home ,,days ,an ,at ,home day signifies that a lady is at home to her friends and acquaintances on one particular day in the week4 ,she should intimate this fact by printing upon her visiting cards the days on which she is at home4 ,thus3 ,thursdays in ,march1 or ,thursdays in ,march and ,april1 or any day of the week she thinks proper to name4 ,these cards she should leave in person on those who are not at home when she calls1 or they can be sent by post4 ,those she finds at home she should inform that her at home day is ,thursday4 ,she should not leave her visiting card in this case1 only two of her husband's cards1 and the at home day should not be written upon them4 ,on the at home day1 calls should be made from three to six1 or from four to six4 ,the first comers should leave before the afternoon tea hour and should limit their call according to the degree of intimacy existing1 remaining from a quarter of an hour to an hour1 as the case may be4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,hostess or her ,daughter should pour out the ,tea on these at home days when tea is not served in the dining-room as at at homes1 which should be done when the number of visitors is very considerable4 ,the popularity of a hostess is tested on these at home days by the number of visitors who call during the afternoon1 and when at home days are not a success1 socially speaking1 she should discontinue them after a certain time1 and should substitute an occasional at home4 ,it depends not a little on the social standing of the lady who has an at home day and upon the locality in which she lives1 as to whether the at home day is a failure or the reverse4 ,in the outlying districts of town it has its advantages1 when to make a call amounts to almost a journey1 and when acquaintances are few in the immediate neighbourhood4 ,again1 it has its advantages when ladies are much occupied during the week1 and when their time is given up to an engrossing occupation1 charitable or artistic1 at home or away from home1 literary or scientific1 at studios1 museums and public institutions1 etc41 work undertaken for their own amusement1 profit1 or advancement1 or for the benefit of others4 ,to these ladies an at home day is a convenience4 ,one day in the week is all they can allow themselves apart from their important engagements1 and to them quiet privacy and leisure are indispensable4 ,fashionable ladies consider an at home day to be a great tax upon their time and inclinations4 ,their engagements are too numerous to admit of giving up one whole afternoon in every week on the chance of people calling4 ,not only longstanding but impromptu engagements preclude this sacrifice4 ,it would be a breach of politeness not to be at home to callers on an at home day1 and many things might occur to necessitate absence from home on that particular afternoon4 ,if1 however1 absence is unavoidable1 a relative might take the place of the hostess on the at home day in question4 ,the people who thoroughly enjoy at home days are those who have more time on their hands than they know what to do with4 ,the few calls they have to make are soon made1 the few friends they have to see are soon seen1 occupation they have none1 and they are grateful for the opportunity at home days offer of meeting their friends and finding a hostess at home4 ,,chapter ,,xxi ,,colonial ,,etiquette ,generally speaking1 etiquette is followed in the colonies and in ,india by ,english men and women very much as in the mother country as regards its principles1 rules1 and observances4 ,one marked difference occurs in the hours of calling1 it is true1 they being regulated by climate4 ,in hot climates1 the early morning hours1 before noon1 and late evening hours1 after sunset1 are1 according to the fashion of the place1 the chosen hours for calling2 but in more temperate climes--resembling our own--the afternoon hours are1 as with us1 the hours for calling4 ,again1 the rule that residents should call upon new-comers1 whether they be visitors of other residents or intending residents1 holds equally good both in civilian and military circles alike4 ,in all colonies and dependencies ,government ,house is the centre to which all society gravitates--that is to say1 that all new-comers1 whether they are to become permanent or temporary residents1 providing their social position warrants the action1 hasten to make known their arrival by writing their names and addresses in the visitors' book kept at each ,government ,house for the purpose4 ,the object of doing this is to be received at ,government ,house1 and thus to obtain an entrance into the society of the place4 ,what follows upon this social observance--it hardly merits the name of civility1 such calls being actuated by self-interest in the first instance--depends upon a variety of circumstances1 the position of the caller1 and whether the stay is to be permanent or temporary1 whether introductions are brought or not1 and so on4 ,the invitations extended to them are regulated accordingly4 ,they may be limited to afternoon at homes2 or receptions1 dinners1 and dances may be included2 or a visit to the summer residence of the ,governor and his wife may also be reckoned amongst invitations1 as this latter is not an unusual display of hospitality accorded to certain individuals4 99 99 99 99 99 ,how the ,governor of a ,colony should be addressed by his guests depends upon his rank4 ,as he represents the sovereign1 it would be quite correct to address him as ,sir1 as being the most deferential mode1 and ,governors as a body rather like to be thus addressed4 ,in the case of a ,governor being a knight--a very usual contingency--it would be equally correct to address him as ,sir ,george1 and not as ,sir4 ,when a ,governor has not received knighthood1 he should be addressed as ,mr4 ,a----1 when it is not desired to be too stiff and formal4 ,in conversation1 when referring to the ,governor--he being present--it should not be ,the ,governor1 but ,lord ,blank1 ,sir ,george1 or ,mr4 ,a---- said so and so1 unless strangers are present1 before whom it would seem right to be a little formal4 ,in addressing a ,governor by letter1 the envelope should be directed to ,his ,excellency ,sir ,george ,blank1 however friendly its contents may be2 but when writing to a ,governor's wife1 it has not been thought right to style her ,her ,excellency1 but simply ,lady ,blank1 unless in the case of a ,viceroy's wife1 as in ,india or ,ireland2 but as against this the point was raised some years ago1 and it was then decided that the wives of ,governors were entitled to be so addressed4 ,colloquially1 the members of a ,governor's suite refer to both the ,governor and his wife as ,his and ,her ,excellency1 and style them ,your ,excellency1 and all who approach them officially1 being of inferior rank1 do likewise2 but socially they are seldom so addressed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,colonial ,bishop should not actually be styled ,my ,lord1 or referred to as ,the ,lord ,bishop1 if it is desired to be quite correct2 but ,my ,lord or ,the ,lord ,bishop is now often used by persons who know it is not the proper style of address1 but make use of these titles1 wishing to be more deferential than scrupulously correct4 ,in writing to a colonial bishop1 the envelope should be addressed to ,the ,right ,rev4 the ,bishop of ----1 and the letter commenced ,right ,rev4 ,sir or ,dear ,bishop ,blank4 ,a colonial officer who has received the ,king's special permission to retain the title of ,honourable which he bore in his colony1 is accorded at ,court1 i4e4 at a levee1 ,court ball1 etc41 the same precedence as a peer's son1 who is styled ,honourable1 but this does not practically give him any rank or precedence at ordinary social gatherings1 where that special grant is unknown or ignored4 ,also the privilege confers no rank or precedence upon the wife or daughters of a colonial ,honourable1 just as the wife of a ,right ,honourable here has no special precedence4 ,the title of ,honourable cannot continue to be borne by a retired colonial officer or ,legislative ,councillor unless it has been specially authorised by the sovereign on the recommendation of the ,secretary of ,state for the ,colonies4 ,,chapter ,,xxii ,,indian ,,etiquette ,it is the custom that those who wish to be invited to ,government ,house 7,viceregal ,house7 at ,simla1 or elsewhere1 should1 immediately on arrival1 write their names in the visitors' book kept for that purpose1 and they are sure1 if in general society1 to be asked to one or more of the receptions held during the season4 ,they are introduced to the ,vice-,queen--as the wife of the ,viceroy is termed--by one of the aides-de-camp in waiting4 ,when a lady is the wife of a ,government official1 it gives her a position in society in ,india which perhaps she would not otherwise have1 and is in itself a passport to most functions4 ,official rank is everything in ,india4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards attending the ,viceregal ,drawing-rooms1 they are only held in ,calcutta and in the evening4 ,if a lady has been presented at a ,court in ,england1 she can attend a ,drawing-room in ,calcutta2 but1 if she has not been presented at home1 she must be introduced by some other lady who has been presented at the ,viceregal ,court4 ,in writing unofficially to the ,governor-,general of ,india1 it would not be correct to use the title of ,viceroy1 and the proper superscription is ,his ,excellency ,the ,right ,hon42 or1 if a ,duke1 ,his ,excellency ,the ,duke of ----2 or1 if a ,marquis1 ,his ,excellency ,the ,most ,honble4 ,marquis of ----1 etc4 ,to the wife of a ,viceroy the address should be ,her ,excellency the ,duchess of ----1 ,her ,excellency ,the ,marchioness of ----1 ,her ,excellency ,the ,countess of ----2 or ,her ,excellency ,the ,lady ,blank1 if the wife of a ,baron4 ,when addressing a ,viceroy or ,vice-,queen colloquially or unofficially1 ,your ,excellency should not be used in either case4 ,the title only in both instances should be employed4 ,on being introduced to either of their ,excellencies1 it would be correct to curtsy4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii ,,garden-,,parties ,garden-parties are entertainments that are annually given4 ,if the weather is fine1 the more enjoyable it is for the guests2 if wet1 a garden-party resolves itself into a large at home4 ,in almost every county a series of garden-parties is held by the principal ladies of their respective neighbourhoods during ,august and ,september1 nothing but absence from home1 illness1 or some equally good reason being considered sufficient excuse for the non-fulfilment of this social duty4 ,the county at large expects to be invited at least once a year to roam about in the beautiful park of the lord of the manor1 to row on the lake1 to play lawn-tennis on the lawn1 to wander through the winding paths of the shady1 leafy shrubberies1 to admire the brilliant hues of the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace1 or the variegated asters1 or the late ,gloire-de-,dijon roses1 which at the end of ,august are in their fullest beauty4 ,then there are the conservatories through which to saunter1 and from which to beat a retreat1 if the sun is too powerful1 into the mansion itself1 the reception-rooms being generally thrown open on the occasion of a garden-party4 ,a garden-party is an occasion for offering hospitality to a wide range of guests--people whom it would not be convenient to entertain save at this description of gathering4 ,invitations are on these occasions freely accorded to ladies1 from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady of eight4 ,one great advantage offered by a garden-party is that it is immaterial to what extent ladies are in the majority1 and it is a reproach to a county rather than to a hostess if the muster of guests is eighty ladies against twenty gentlemen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to a ,garden-party should be issued in the name of the hostess1 and within three weeks to a week of the date fixed4 ,at home cards should be used for this purpose1 and the words and party should be invariably added after the names of the invited guests4 ,croquet or ,tennis should be printed in one corner of the card1 the hour1 #c to #g o'clock1 above1 the day and the date beneath the name of hostess4 ,weather permitting is seldom written upon the card1 and the guests are expected to arrive even though the afternoon should be showery and overcast1 and only a thoroughly wet afternoon1 with no break between the showers1 should prevent their appearing4 ,in the country1 ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to attend a garden-party4 99 99 99 99 99 ,arrangements for ,garden-,parties4--,garden-parties or croquet-parties are given on different scales of expenditure1 and the preparations are regulated accordingly4 ,when a garden-party is given on a small scale1 and the preparations are comparatively few1 refreshments should be served in the house4 7,for the usual refreshments provided1 and for the general arrangements1 see work entitled ,waiting at ,table1 p4 #hb47 ,a good supply of garden-chairs and seats should be placed on the lawn and about the grounds1 rugs spread on the grass for those who sit out1 and several sets of croquet provided for players4 ,at large garden-parties a band is considered a necessary adjunct1 and the band of the regiment quartered in the vicinity is usually available for these occasions4 ,a band gives eclat to an out-door gathering and confers local importance upon it4 ,apart from this1 the strains of a band enliven an entertainment of this description in no little degree4 ,the place where the band is stationed is a rallying-point for the company1 and the expense and trouble consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the amusement it affords4 ,the matter of engaging a military band is generally undertaken by the master of the house1 rather than by the mistress1 as1 in the first place1 the consent of the colonel of the regiment has to be obtained as a matter of form and courtesy before the arrangements are completed with the bandmaster4 ,conveyance for the band has also to be provided and discussed with the bandmaster1 and also refreshments for the bandsmen2 and these details are more effectually carried out by a host than by a hostess4 ,occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve refreshments1 but more frequently the refreshments for the general company are served in the house1 and only cool drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers or lawn-tennis players4 99 99 99 99 99 ,cricket-matches are often the raison d'etre of a garden-party1 rendering it popular with both ladies and gentlemen4 ,the cricket-match in this case generally takes place in a field near to the grounds of the mansion1 the match commencing about twelve o'clock1 and the general company arriving about half-past three1 or punctually at four1 to witness the finish4 ,golf now ranks first amongst fashionable outdoor amusements with both sexes4 ,private links are comparatively few1 but club links exist in almost every neighbourhood--ladies' clubs1 men's clubs1 and clubs for both ladies and gentlemen4 ,croquet or tennis tournaments are frequently the occasion of giving garden-parties1 and some very exciting play takes place4 ,when a tournament is held it takes the form of a garden-party2 it usually lasts two days4 ,the arrangements made for holding it depend upon circumstances1 and it takes place1 as do archery-matches1 in either private or public grounds4 99 99 99 99 99 ,amusements4--,when a number of children are expected at a garden-party1 performances of marionettes1 or ,punch-and-,judy1 or conjuring are given for their amusement4 ,in districts remote from town1 these shows are difficult to obtain2 therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the rescue1 and their kindly efforts to divert the juveniles meet with due appreciation on all sides4 ,not seldom a little amateur music is given at a garden-party--not a pre-arranged programme of music1 but impromptu performances4 ,these good-natured efforts to enliven the company occupy about an hour1 and such performances take place in either the drawing-room or music-room of the mansion4 ,garden-parties seldom terminate with a dance1 though occasionally dancing closes the afternoon's amusements4 ,the time occupied by croquet or tennis precludes all desire on the part of the players for further exertion in the shape of dancing1 and young people apparently prefer playing croquet from #c to #g on the lawn to dancing in a marquee or in the drawing-room at that hour4 ,a host and hostess receive their guests at a garden-party on the lawn2 strangers should be introduced to the hostess by those who have undertaken to bring them to her house1 and she should shake hands with all comers4 ,it is also usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess on departure1 if opportunity offers for so doing4 ,garden-parties commence from #c4cj to #d o'clock1 and terminate at #g o'clock4 ,in making preparations for a garden-party1 stabling for the carriage-horses and motor-cars of the numerous guests should be taken into consideration1 and refreshments provided for the men-servants and chauffeurs4 ,public afternoon concerts1 bazaars1 and flower-shows are essentially functions frequented by ladies en masse1 and it is the exception1 rather than the rule1 for gentlemen to accompany them2 again1 at private afternoon gatherings1 ladies usually appear unaccompanied by gentlemen4 ,when a garden-party is a very large function1 it is not unusual to put the words garden-party on the invitation cards in place of the words at home2 thus3 ,the ,countess of ,a---- requests the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,b----'s company at a garden-party on----1 etc4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv ,,town ,,garden-,,parties ,the first garden-parties in town are usually given early in ,june1 and continue during this and the ensuing month4 ,the garden-parties at ,lambeth ,palace and ,fulham ,palace are the pioneers of the garden-party season1 and the lead is followed by general society with more or less alacrity4 ,town garden-parties resolve themselves into large receptions held out-of-doors1 and those who know what crowded drawing-rooms imply in the sultry days of ,june are particularly glad of this change of locale1 and willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door reunions1 instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long within doors1 where it is a case of heat versus draught1 and difficult to determine where it is the most objectionable1 in the drawing-room1 tea-room1 or on a staircase4 ,although these functions are designated garden-parties1 yet the real style and title is at homes1 the address being sufficient indication to the invited guests as to the description of entertainment to be given1 as the spacious gardens and lawns in and around ,london where these annual parties are held are well known to society at large4 ,a band playing in the grounds where the garden-party is given would appear to be a sine qua non1 but the excellence of the same is merely a question of expense4 ,thus guests have the pleasure of listening to the strains of splendid bands1 and also the disappointment of hearing others far below the average4 ,as this fickle climate of ours is not to be counted upon for twenty-four hours at a stretch to remain fine1 it is seldom considered advisable to have the whole of the refreshment tables out-of-doors1 and thus only ices1 strawberries and cream1 and ice cups are served out-of-doors2 tea1 coffee1 and the rest1 with ices1 strawberries and cream1 being invariably served within doors4 99 99 99 99 99 ,refreshment tables out-of-doors considerably take off the strain from the tables in the tea-rooms1 especially during the first half-hour1 when the great rush is made in this direction4 ,again1 should heavy rain set in1 the servants can easily remove pails of ice and bowls of strawberries and cream out of harm's way4 ,even a large tent or marquee is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments1 as under a burning sun the air within becomes over-heated and oppressive1 while in the case of a downpour the results are almost disastrous4 ,the popularity of garden-parties is incontestible in propitious weather4 ,a variety of reasons conduce to this2 for one thing1 movement is so pleasant an exchange from the almost stationary position guests are compelled to take up in a crowded drawing-room4 ,again1 the number of guests invited is so much greater than to an at home1 that the chance of meeting a corresponding number of friends and acquaintances is trebled2 or1 on the other hand1 if but a few friends should be present among the guests1 yet the situation does not amount to isolation and boredom2 and the alternative of sitting under a shady tree or sauntering about on the lawns listening to the strains of the band1 is positive enjoyment in comparison to sitting in the corner of a drawing-room barricaded by a phalanx of ladies1 or standing wedged in the midst of the same4 ,it is small wonder1 therefore1 that invitations to these outdoor functions are hailed with satisfaction and pleasure4 99 99 99 99 99 ,arrivals at a garden-party are made almost simultaneously1 or if not quite this1 they follow in rapid succession1 so that host and hostess have a short interval between arrivals and departures2 and this offers an opportunity to give more than a shake of the hand to many of the guests1 i4e4 a little friendly conversation2 while at an at home the hostess has to be at her post from #d p4m4 to #g p4m41 as guests arrive continuously1 even close up to the hour named for departure4 ,the host is expected to be present at a garden-party1 and almost always is so2 but his presence at his wife's at home is left a little doubtful1 and his absence is often accounted for on the ground of its being unavoidable2 but the trivial reasons that many men advance to their wives for their non-appearance prove how glad they are to escape from the ordeal on any terms4 ,a man in the open air is at his best1 and therefore a garden-party appeals to a host almost as much as it does to a guest4 ,although the words at home are in general use when issuing invitations to these functions1 yet occasionally the words garden-party are substituted in lieu of them on the at home cards1 when the gatherings are unusually large2 thus3 ,viscountess ,b---- requests the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,g----'s company at a garden-party on----1 etc4 ,,chapter ,,xxv ,,evening ,,garden-,,parties ,the ,garden-,party ,season has been widened out by the introduction of ,evening ,garden-,parties into the list of country festivities1 and this form of entertainment has found great favour with all4 ,invitations are issued on the usual at home cards1 the hours from #i to #ab p4m4 ,occasionally dancing is printed on the cards1 but not often1 as it is not usual to combine an evening garden-party with a dance1 except when only young girls and young men are invited4 ,some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden-party invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn4 ,should ladies wear morning dress or evening dress8 ,men are equally in doubt on this point4 ,ought they to wear evening dress or not8 ,although this is not stated on the invitation cards1 yet it is tacitly understood that ladies are expected to appear in the usual garden-party attire--smart1 pretty dresses and hats or bonnets1 and small fashionable wraps carried in place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat chilly4 ,evening dress1 when worn at one of these at homes1 looks particularly out of place4 ,the thin evening shoes1 which must of necessity be worn with this style of dress1 suit neither dewy grass nor stony gravel2 and although at the evening concerts at the ,botanic ,gardens many ladies wear evening dress with smart evening cloaks1 this is beside the question4 ,they go for a short half-hour or so1 not for a three hours' stay4 ,anyhow1 at evening garden-parties1 the rule is not to wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned4 ,men1 on the other hand1 one and all1 are expected to do so1 morning dress being looked upon as out of place on these occasions4 ,a light overcoat is inseparable from evening dress1 therefore it is not considered risky wear for men even on the chilliest of summer evenings4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as to the arrangements for one of these evening garden-parties4 ,it is usual to have tea and coffee1 and light refreshments during the whole of the evening1 from arrival to departure1 and to give a light supper a little before twelve o'clock4 ,the gardens and grounds are illuminated with coloured lamps and lanterns1 extensively or moderately1 as the case may be4 ,a band is considered indispensable1 but a good one does not seem to be equally imperative1 to judge from the indifferent performances of various bands heard on these summer evenings4 ,however1 country audiences are not too critical1 knowing that to engage a good band from a distance entails considerable expense1 and that evening garden-parties would be singularly few if superior music was insisted upon4 ,thus the local band is encouraged to do its best1 and to allow long intervals to elapse between each selection4 ,in the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet1 guests invited from a distance seldom put in an appearance1 while the nearer neighbours do so1 and the evening garden-party becomes an evening reception within doors1 shorn of its numbers1 it is true1 but a pleasant gathering1 nevertheless1 especially with those who know how to make the best of a contretemps caused by unpropitious weather4 ,,chapter ,,xxvi ,,luncheons ,invitations to ,luncheon are very much the order of the day in fashionable society4 ,those who look back some few years remark the importance now accorded to this midday meal1 and contrast it with the past4 ,the lateness of the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the position now taken by luncheon in the day's programme1 joined to the fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings2 and as the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day as much amusement and variety and change as possible1 invitations to luncheon have become one of the features of social life4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to ,public ,luncheons are not now confined to the celebration of local and civic events1 but take a far wider range1 and are given on every available opportunity when the occasion can be made to serve for assembling a large party of ladies and gentlemen4 ,luncheon is by some considered to be rather a lady's meal than not1 although in reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as to the other4 ,yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon is due to the fact that the majority of gentlemen are too much occupied at this hour to be at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon1 while others1 more idle1 breakfast at so late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a farce as far as eating is concerned4 ,outside of those who are busy men and those who are idle men1 and consequently late risers1 there is another semi-occupied class of men who are always amenable to an invitation to luncheon4 ,this institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who have many friends1 acquaintances1 and relations to entertain1 as invitations to this meal are given for every day in the week1 with or without ceremony1 with long notice or short notice1 or on the spur of the moment4 ,ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a dinner-party4 ,at the former meal she makes general conversation with her guests on both sides of the table2 at the latter she is monopolised by her immediate neighbours1 by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner1 and by the one who sits at her right hand1 while she leaves her guests to be entertained by the gentlemen who take them in to dinner4 ,at luncheon things are different2 there is no going in to luncheon1 conventionally speaking1 save on official and public occasions4 ,luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of hospitalities4 ,invitations to luncheon are not formally issued on invitation cards1 unless some especial reason exists for giving a large luncheon-party1 in which case it takes rank as an entertainment4 ,large luncheon-parties are given on occasions such as lawn-tennis tournaments and lawn-tennis parties1 archery-parties1 cricket matches and bazaars1 etc4 ,semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of laying the foundation-stone of a church or public building1 etc4 ,this class of luncheon is beside the question1 as it is rather a banquet than a luncheon1 for which printed cards of invitation are issued4 ,in general society invitations to luncheon are issued by written notes or are verbally given according to circumstances4 99 99 99 99 99 ,invitations to ,luncheon4--,a week's notice is the longest usually given1 very little notice being considered requisite4 ,many hostesses give their friends carte blanche invitations to luncheon2 but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of this facon de parler1 as they consider it1 and prefer to await a more direct form of invitation4 ,gentlemen1 on the contrary1 are expected to avail themselves of this proffered hospitality without ceremony1 as the presence of a gentleman visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition1 the reason1 perhaps1 being that ladies are usually in the majority at luncheon1 and also that the unexpected arrival of one or two ladies would call for a greater amount of attention on the part of a hostess seated at luncheon than would the unexpected arrival of gentlemen1 ladies requiring especial attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at table1 etc41 while gentlemen are ready to offer attention instead of requiring it1 and to take any place at table1 whether convenient or otherwise4 ,as a rule1 the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly exceeds the number of gentlemen present1 unless at a luncheon-party1 when a hostess usually endeavours to equalise the numbers as far as possible2 but it is not imperative for her to do this1 and it is immaterial whether there are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not4 ,luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a house1 as it enables her to show a considerable amount of civility to her friends and acquaintances4 ,she can invite to luncheon those it might not1 for various reasons1 be convenient to invite to dinner2 as for instance1 young ladies1 single ladies1 elderly ladies1 ladies coming to town1 or into the neighbourhood for a few days only1 and so on4 ,the usual rule in houses where there are children old enough to do so1 is for the children to dine at luncheon with their governess1 whether there are guests present or not4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in ,town the ,usual ,hour for ,luncheon is #a4cj to #b o'clock2 in the country it is generally half an hour earlier4 ,the guests are expected to arrive within ten minutes of the hour named in the invitation1 as although punctuality is not imperative1 it is very desirable4 ,a guest1 on his or her arrival at a house1 should not1 if previously invited1 inquire if the mistress of the house is at home1 but should say1 on the servant opening the door1 ,mrs4 ,a4 expects me to luncheon4 ,when the guests are self-invited1 they should inquire if the mistress of the house is at home4 ,guests are conducted to the drawing-room before luncheon4 ,the servant precedes them1 as at morning calls4 ,when guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon1 they should be at once ushered into the dining-room1 and their names announced4 ,when the guests are unacquainted with each other1 the hostess should make a sort of general introduction or introductions2 that is to say1 she should introduce one gentleman to two or three ladies1 thus1 ,mr4 ,a41 ,mrs4 ,b41 ,mrs4 ,c41 and ,miss ,d41 making but one introduction in place of three separate introductions1 this being the less formal mode of making unimportant introductions4 ,it is not always possible for a host to be present at luncheon1 owing to occupation and engagements1 but courtesy to his wife's guests demands his presence when practicable4 ,he should either join them in the drawing-room or in the dining-room1 according to his convenience4 ,guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner4 ,ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon4 ,they should remove their fur coats and wraps4 ,these should either be left in the hall on arrival or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room4 ,short gloves should be removed2 elbow gloves may be retained4 ,gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the drawing-room1 but should leave them in the hall4 ,ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the arrival of the guests and serving luncheon1 which is usually served at the hour named1 the received rule being not to wait for guests4 99 99 99 99 99 ,going in to ,luncheon4--,when the luncheon gong sounds the hostess should say to the lady of highest rank present1 ,shall we go in to luncheon8 or some such phrase4 7,see ,the ,art of ,conversing47 ,the visitor should then move towards the door4 ,if the host is present1 he should walk beside her2 if not1 the hostess should do so4 ,the other ladies should follow as far as possible according to precedency1 the gentlemen going last4 ,thus the hostess either follows with the ladies or leads the way4 ,guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a dinner-party1 but singly1 each lady by herself1 or1 when space permits1 side by side4 ,gentlemen likewise1 but on arriving in the dining-room1 each gentleman should place himself by the side of a lady1 or between two ladies1 at table4 ,the hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host at the bottom1 as at dinner1 but it is immaterial where the guests sit1 although as a rule the lady of highest rank sits by the host1 and the gentleman of highest rank by the hostess4 ,a late arrival should1 on being ushered into the dining-room1 make his or her way to the top of the table to shake hands with the hostess1 making some polite excuse for being late4 ,a hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady1 but she should not do so to welcome a gentleman4 ,luncheon is either served a la ,russe or not1 according to inclination1 both ways being in equally good taste1 although1 as a rule1 the joint is served from the buffet or side-table1 while the entrees1 game1 or poultry are placed on the table4 ,for further information respecting the arrangements for luncheon1 see the work entitled ,waiting at ,table4 ,formerly it was the custom in some houses for the servants to leave the dining-room as soon as they had helped the various guests to the joint or joints1 and handed round the vegetables and the wine1 in which case the host and hostess helped the guests to the entrees and sweets1 or the gentlemen present did so2 but now it is invariably the rule for the servants to remain in the room during the whole of luncheon1 and to hand the dishes and wine1 etc41 to the guests as at dinner-parties4 ,luncheon usually lasts about half an hour1 during which time the hostess should endeavour to render conversation general4 ,as at dinner1 it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal for leaving the room1 which she does by attracting the attention of the lady of highest rank present by means of a smile and a bow1 rising at the same time from her seat4 ,the host1 or the gentleman nearest the door1 should open it for the ladies to pass out4 ,the ladies should leave the dining-room as far as possible in the order in which they have entered it1 the hostess following last4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when the host is not present1 the gentlemen should follow the ladies to the drawing-room2 but when the host is present1 the gentlemen should remain in the dining-room with the host a short time before joining the ladies in the drawing-room4 ,it is optional on the part of the host whether he returns or not with the gentlemen to the drawing-room1 although1 if not particularly engaged1 it is more courteous to do so4 ,coffee is sometimes served after luncheon in the drawing-room4 ,it is handed on a salver immediately after luncheon4 ,the most usual way now1 however1 is to have coffee brought into the dining-room at the conclusion of luncheon1 and handed to the guests on a salver4 ,the guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty minutes after the adjournment to the drawing-room has been made4 ,ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the drawing-room after luncheon4 ,ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their chauffeurs to return for them from three to a quarter-past three o'clock1 and the servant should inform each guest of the arrival of her motor-car4 ,when a lady requires a cab1 she should ask the hostess's permission to have one called for her4 ,the subject of leave-taking is fully described in ,chapter ,,iv4 ,,chapter ,,xxvii ,,breakfasts ,breakfast ,parties have in certain circles become a feature1 and invitations to breakfast are issued both by card and by note4 ,in official circles breakfast parties are frequently given1 the morning hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged portion of the day1 and thus the opportunity is taken for offering and receiving hospitality1 and of enjoying the society of friends and acquaintances4 ,the breakfast hour varies from ten to eleven1 according to circumstances1 and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon1 fish1 entrees1 game1 and cold viands being given1 with the addition of tea1 coffee1 and liqueurs4 ,punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative1 as breakfast cannot be prolonged beyond a given limit1 and therefore it is not considered necessary to wait the coming of a late guest4 ,the guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon4 ,when a party consists of both ladies and gentlemen1 the hostess should lead the way with the lady of highest rank1 followed by the other ladies1 the gentlemen following with the host4 ,when a party consists of gentlemen only1 the host should lead the way with the gentleman of highest rank1 and should indicate to the principal of the gentlemen present the places he wishes them to occupy at table2 the remainder of the company should seat themselves according to inclination4 ,the table should be laid as for luncheon1 and decorated with flowers and fruit4 ,tea and coffee should be served from a side table by the servants in attendance4 ,all dishes should be handed as at luncheon4 ,for the details of ,breakfast-table ,arrangements and ,serving ,breakfast1 see the work entitled ,waiting at ,table4 ,the guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over1 unless the ladies are invited by the hostess to accompany her to the drawing-room1 or the gentlemen are invited by the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous to their departure4 99 99 99 99 99 ,house ,party ,breakfasts4--,in the country the breakfast hour varies from #i to #aj4cj1 and in some country houses it is an understood thing that the guests are at liberty to come down to breakfast at any time between nine and half-past ten4 ,in not a few country houses the hostess and the ladies breakfast in their own rooms1 and the gentlemen of the party breakfast with the host in the breakfast-room4 ,the breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the breakfast-room or dining-room1 but it is not the custom to wait for any one beyond five or ten minutes4 ,the host and hostess at once take their places at the breakfast-table4 ,when the house-party is a large one1 and space permits1 a number of small tables should be arranged in the breakfast-room1 in addition to a long breakfast-table4 ,the servants should remain in attendance during breakfast to wait upon the guests4 ,there is no general move made from the breakfast table as in the case of luncheon or dinner2 the hostess generally remains until the whole of the guests have at least commenced breakfast1 save in the case of very late comers1 for whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of the breakfast-table4 ,the guests leave the breakfast-table as soon as they have finished breakfast1 without waiting for any intimation from the hostess to do so4 ,,chapter ,,xxviii ,,picnics ,,and ,,water-,,parties ,many things contribute to draw people into the country and away from town in the month of ,september2 therefore there is a far larger number in each and every neighbourhood inclined for a picnic or a water-party than in the three previous months1 ,june1 ,july1 and ,august4 ,picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties1 and on other occasions contribution parties1 or parties which partake in a measure of the character of both4 99 99 99 99 99 ,picnics by ,motor ,car and ,picnics by ,rail4--,almost every county has its show place1 or its ruins1 its ruined abbey or its castle1 its romantic scenery1 and its fine views1 its hills or its dales1 its waterfalls or its glens4 ,the southern and western counties are as rich in these respects as the eastern counties are barren4 ,when a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by rail1 a saloon carriage is engaged beforehand1 and arrangement is made at the nearest hotel to supply the party with luncheon at from #es4 to #ajs4 per head1 according to the style of luncheon required2 or hampers of provisions are taken under the charge of one or two men-servants4 ,if the picnic party proceeds by road1 a coach is the favourite mode of conveyance1 whether driven by the owner or hired for the occasion4 ,this is a more sociable way of going to a picnic than dividing the party into detachments and conveying them in separate carriages4 ,this is sometimes unavoidable1 and if the party is assembled for a start1 it occasions no little discussion as to how the party should be divided and conveyed in the various carriages1 and it takes no little tact to arrange this in a satisfactory manner--to overrule objections1 and to make things work smoothly4 ,again1 the members of a picnic party occasionally find their way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other2 but1 although this plan saves trouble1 it does not promote sociability1 and parties of four or six are apt to clique together during the day1 instead of making themselves generally agreeable4 ,the provision question is a very important one1 and the heads of a picnic party should arrange in concert what each is to bring in the way of fish1 flesh1 fowl1 fruit1 and wine4 ,the services of one or two men-servants at a large picnic party are generally required to arrange the table1 to open the wine1 and last1 but not least1 to collect and repack the articles used in the way of plate1 china1 or glass4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a picnic luncheon in ,september is not always the al fresco spread under the greenwood tree that it is in ,july1 and oftener than not is held in the best parlour of a rustic inn1 or1 by permission1 in a barn or shed1 when the weather is not favourable for camping out4 ,usually1 when a large picnic party is arranged and got up by some three or four ladies and gentlemen1 they divide the expenses of the entertainment between themselves1 and determine how many shall be invited1 each having the privilege of inviting a certain number4 ,other picnics are got up on a different system1 each person contributing a share towards the general expenses2 but these gatherings are not so sociable as are the invitation picnics4 ,invitation picnics where everything is done en prince are extremely enjoyable and friendly affairs2 they are big luncheons1 given out-of-doors instead of indoors1 at a distance instead of at home4 ,but even these are not more pleasant than those well-arranged little picnics given by officers in country quarters1 when the regimental coach conveys a favoured few to some favourite spot4 99 99 99 99 99 ,water-,parties4--,there are many ways of arranging a water-party at yachting stations and at all riverside places4 ,at yachting stations1 for instance1 a sailing yacht is hired to convey a party of from eighteen to twenty-five to some point of interest on the coast1 in which case luncheon and tea are provided at an hotel in the vicinity of the place where the party have landed1 and the expenses are equally divided4 ,not unfrequently1 on the return journey1 the yacht is becalmed1 and does not reach its destination until between two and three the following morning4 ,if it happens to be a fine moonlight night1 this prolongation of a water-party is an additional source of enjoyment2 but if there is no moon as well as no wind1 and the calm betokens a storm1 it is the reverse of pleasant4 ,but these little contretemps1 when they do occur1 rather lend a zest to the day's pleasure1 and are something to talk about afterwards4 ,water-parties are often given by owners of yachts4 ,these are invitation parties1 and luncheon1 tea1 and sometimes dinner1 are served on board1 and the party land and stroll about1 but return to the yacht to be entertained4 ,picnic and water-parties in general include as many gentlemen as ladies1 whether they are invitation or contribution parties1 although sometimes a majority of ladies is unavoidable4 ,ryde is a favourite station for water-parties1 as the island itself1 as well as the opposite coast1 offer innumerable points of interest for picnicing1 and many are able to combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the launch in one and the same water-party2 thus a party sails from ,ryde to ,yarmouth1 ,isle of ,wight1 and then proceeds in a steam1 or other1 launch to ,alum ,bay4 ,launch parties are immensely popular1 both on the river and on the coast4 ,some picnic on board1 and others on shore1 as they feel disposed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,canoe-parties on coast and river are also popular with both ladies and gentlemen1 and here again the useful launch is brought into requisition to convey the party home1 as an hour and a half to two hours is an average time to paddle a canoe2 after that time the party land either on the rocks or on the shore1 and light a fire and boil the kettle for tea4 ,if the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble are unduly prolonged there is a chance1 if on the coast1 of the steam-launch running out of coal1 and of the party having to return home in their own canoes considerably later than was expected1 and not a little fatigued4 ,,chapter ,,xxix ,,juvenile ,,parties ,juvenile ,parties form a prominent feature in the entertainments given during the winter months4 ,there is scarcely a household the children of which are not indulged with one large party at least1 while others are allowed as many as two or three children's parties during the winter months4 ,these parties offer no little elasticity as to their arrangement1 varying from a child's tea party1 composed1 perhaps1 of five or six children1 to a juvenile ball1 or fancy dress ball4 ,some mothers object1 on principle1 to the latter entertainments1 on the ground that to give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding number of invitations1 and that a round of such gaieties is not good for young children1 either from a moral or from a hygienic point of view4 ,morally1 that such amusements are likely to destroy or impair the freshness of childhood1 and to engender artificial ideas in their young minds in place of such as are natural and healthy1 and that the imitation of the manners and bearing of their elders causes them to become miniature men and women1 and divests them of the attributes of artless and unaffected childhood4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the dresses worn by children at these entertainments are of so elaborate a character--and so much pride is exhibited when wearing them--that a spirit of vanity and a love of dress are aroused at a prematurely early age4 ,from a physical point of view1 late hours1 heated rooms1 rich dainties1 and constant excitement have a pernicious effect upon children4 ,there is1 of course1 an opposite view taken by those who uphold juvenile balls2 they consider that children are the better for associating with others of their own age outside of their own family circle1 and that in the case of only children such association is calculated to render them lively and intelligent4 ,another argument in favour of these juvenile parties is1 that children who are in the habit of constantly attending them acquire self-possessed and confident manners1 and that all shyness1 mauvaise honte and gaucherie1 which distinguish many children when in the company of strangers1 are dispelled by frequent intercourse with children of all ages4 ,thus1 in place of the noisy game of romps1 the little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance1 pull costume bon-bons with their favourite partners1 and offer them similar attentions throughout the evening4 ,of course1 there are shy little gentlemen and shy little ladies even at a juvenile ball2 but it is the constant endeavour of those who accompany them1 whether mammas1 elder sisters1 young aunts1 or grown-up cousins1 to persuade them to get the better of this diffidence1 and to induce taciturn ,master ,tommy to dance with timid ,miss ,tiny4 ,sometimes ,master ,tommy is obstinate1 as well as taciturn1 and his won't is as strong as his will4 ,as with all things1 so with children's parties1 the medium course is1 perhaps1 the wisest to take1 running into neither extreme--avoiding too much seclusion or overmuch gaiety1 and rendering such gaiety and amusement suitable to the ages of the children invited4 ,when an evening's entertainment consists of a series of amusements1 it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the space of four hours1 the usual limits of a child's party1 for if so the programme has to be hurriedly gone through1 and is hardly finished before the hour of departure4 ,no little judgment is required when organising juvenile parties4 ,the hours usually selected for children's parties1 whether on a large or small scale1 are from four to eight1 five to nine1 six to ten1 or from seven to eleven4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the children on their arrival are received in the drawing-room4 ,in most cases their relatives1 either mothers or grown-up sisters1 are asked to accompany them4 ,there is great punctuality observed as regards the hour of arrival1 and tea is usually served in the dining-room about half an hour after that named on the invitation card4 ,the interim is generally passed by children in watching each fresh arrival1 and in greeting their little acquaintances1 comparing notes with each other as to the teas and the parties they are going to1 or in amusing themselves with the toys belonging to the children of the house1 which are usually arranged on tables for this purpose2 and mechanical toys1 walking and talking birds1 etc41 musical toys1 picture-books1 and dolls1 and the latest and newest inventions in the way of playthings afford the little visitors an opportunity for becoming at ease with each other4 ,tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table1 and coffee at the opposite end4 ,the governess usually pours out the tea1 and one of the daughters of the house the coffee2 or failing her1 the head nurse or lady's maid does so4 ,dishes of pound1 plum1 and sponge cake are placed the length of the table1 interspersed with plates of thin bread-and-butter1 biscuits1 and preserves2 either the ladies of the family or the servants in attendance hand them to the children4 ,when the relatives accompany the children tea is usually served to them in another room1 but frequently they do not arrive until tea is over1 and the nurses accompany the children to the house4 99 99 99 99 99 ,amusements4--,the arrangements for the evening's amusement are regulated in a measure by the amount of accommodation a house affords1 premising that boisterous games are not allowed in drawing-rooms2 unless all valuable ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed from the rooms4 ,if conjuring is one of the amusements provided1 it generally takes place in the drawing-room immediately after tea1 and lasts about an hour4 ,a dancing-cloth is put down over the drawing-room carpet2 rout seats or cane chairs are arranged in rows4 ,the youngest children are seated in the first row4 ,performing birds1 performing dogs1 or performing monkeys are also favourite amusements at these parties1 and rank next to conjuring in the estimation of children4 ,punch and ,judy or marionettes are popular drawing-room amusements1 and either occupies the space of an hour4 ,when a cinematograph show is the entertainment provided1 it takes place in the dining-room or library1 or perhaps in the housekeeper's room1 if large enough for the purpose4 ,dancing or games usually precede these amusements1 and lasts from half to three-quarters of an hour2 little girls dance with each other round and square dances1 as little girls are1 as a rule1 more partial to dancing than are little boys1 although they one and all1 great and small1 join with glee in a country dance1 or in the ,tempete1 or in ,sir ,roger de ,coverley4 ,not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing1 and this is usually followed by games4 ,impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children2 but to avoid the juvenile audience becoming weary and impatient during the preparation of the charades it is as well they should be amused with some quiet game1 such as forfeits1 cross questions and crooked answers1 proverbs1 etc4 ,at ,christmas and ,new ,year's parties the distribution of presents is a very important feature2 ,christmas trees are now rather discarded in favour of greater novelties4 ,father ,christmas1 ,santa ,claus1 ,the ,fairy ,godmother1 ,the ,fairies' ,well1 or the ,lucky ,bag and ,the ,magic ,log1 are some of the many devices for the distribution of presents2 these popular characters are represented by grown-up persons1 and provoke much wonder and admiration amongst children4 ,the presents are usually given at the close of the evening4 99 99 99 99 99 ,light ,refreshments are provided in the dining-room--lemonade1 wine and water1 every description of cake1 sandwiches1 crystallized fruits1 ,french plums1 figs1 almonds and raisins1 oranges1 etc4 ,bon-bons containing paper caps1 etc41 which afford children much amusement1 are usually provided4 ,when a juvenile ball is given a supper is provided2 otherwise light refreshments are considered sufficient1 and are served twice during the evening4 ,sometimes the children of the family1 if old enough and clever enough1 act a little play--some nursery fairy tale1 condensed into one act1 such as ,beauty and the ,beast1 ,cinderella1 etc4--which lasts about an hour1 and is followed by dancing4 ,when a juvenile fancy ball is given1 one or two fancy quadrilles are arranged beforehand1 to be danced by the children in costume4 ,,chapter ,,xxx ,,written ,,invitations ,writing ,letters of ,invitation1 and answering letters of invitation1 often occupy far longer time in the composition than the writers would care to confess4 ,the difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or in accepting or refusing it1 but rather in the form in which either should be couched1 the words that should be chosen1 and the expressions that should be used2 one person is afraid of being too empresse1 another of being too formal or too stiff2 one is fearful of saying too little1 another of saying too much4 ,when invitations are issued on dinner cards or on at home cards1 the note of acceptance should be as brief as is the printed card of invitation1 and to the printed card requesting the pleasure of ,mrs4 ,blank's company at dinner1 the stereotyped answer is invariably ,mrs4 ,blank has much pleasure in accepting ,mrs4 ,dash's kind invitation for ,saturday the #bast1 or ,mrs4 ,blank regrets that a previous engagement will prevent her from having the pleasure of accepting ,mrs4 ,dash's kind invitation for ,saturday1 the #bast4 ,as regards those invitations that refer to visits of some days' duration1 those accustomed to give this description of entertainment1 know exactly what to say and how to say it4 ,the conventional civilities or affectionate cordialities1 as the case may be1 occur in their proper places2 but one point is made clear in either case1 namely1 the length of the visit to be paid4 ,there are people who are under the impression that to specify the exact length of a visit is in a degree inhospitable1 and not sufficiently polite2 and they1 therefore1 as a sort of compromise1 use the ambiguous term a few days in lieu of distinctly defining the limit of these invitations4 ,so far from vague invitations such as these being an advantage to invited guests1 they not seldom place them at a disadvantage at more points than one4 ,they are uncertain on what day they are to take their departure4 ,they do not wish by leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little plans that their hostess may have contemplated for their amusement2 neither do they wish to prolong their visit a day later1 lest by so doing they should break in upon any engagements that she may have formed on her own account independently of her visitors4 ,it is also not a little awkward for guests to tell their hostess that they think of leaving on ,thursday by #ab4bj train4 ,it might have suited the hostess very much better that her visitors should have left on the ,wednesday1 and in her own mind she had perhaps intended that the visit should end on that day2 but1 having left the invitation open1 more or less1 by saying a few days1 there is nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arrangements to the convenience of her guests1 as without discourtesy she could hardly suggest to them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they had named1 and the visitors remain unconscious of having in any way trespassed upon the good nature of their hostess4 ,a few days is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to visitors themselves2 as a rule1 it means three or four days1 but there is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or not4 ,those who interpret a few days to mean three days1 make their plans for departure accordingly2 failing this1 they are compelled to leave their plans open1 and stay from three to five days1 according as chance and circumstances may dictate4 ,a lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days' visit over that of a three days' stay2 but this is a trifling detail1 although it helps to swell the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of vague invitations4 ,there are1 of course1 exceptions to every rule1 and there are people who use this phrase of ,will you come and see us for a few days8 in the bona fide sense of the word1 and to whom it is immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days2 but such an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative1 or to a very intimate friend1 whose footing in the house is that of a relation1 and with whom the hostess does not stand on ceremony1 as far as her own engagements are concerned2 and people on these friendly terms can talk over their departure with their hostess1 and consult her about it without the faintest embarrassment4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the most satisfactory invitation is certainly the one that mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure4 ,thus1 after the raison d'etre of the invitation has been stated1 the why and the wherefore of its being given follows the gist of the letter3 ,we hope you will come to us on ,wednesday the #bcrd1 and remain until the #bgth4 ,it is1 of course1 open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing2 but this is the exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits1 and guests take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the invitation4 ,hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject1 and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess1 or fear to outstay their welcome4 ,when a visit has been paid it is polite1 if not imperative1 to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has been derived from it4 ,oftener than not some little matter arises which necessitates a note being written apart from this2 but whether or not1 good feeling and good taste would dictate that some such note should be written1 and1 as it can always include little matters of general interest in connection with the past visit1 it need neither be over ceremonious nor coldly polite4 99 99 99 99 99 ,to write a letter asking for an invitation1 or to answer a letter asking for an invitation1 is in either case a difficult letter to write1 as many have ere this discovered4 ,when a married lady asks for an invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her1 to some dance or at home to which she herself is invited1 the note is simple enough1 and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written permission to bring her4 ,again1 in the case of asking for invitations for gentlemen1 if a lady is going to a ball1 she can without hesitation1 ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own1 mentioning their names in the note4 ,in this case also the answer is generally in the affirmative1 as men are always acquisitions at a ball4 ,the awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady and her daughters1 or for the young ladies only1 the latter knowing some one who would chaperon them if they could only get an invitation4 ,if the lady who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver1 the probability is that her request will be granted2 but if the contrary1 the reverse will most likely be the case4 ,even when writing to an intimate friend1 there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third person1 and society appears to become1 year after year1 still more exclusive on this point4 ,many people are reluctant1 or decline altogether1 to put themselves under an obligation of this nature1 even for those with whom they are most intimate2 it may be that the number of refusals good-natured people have received from their friends when trying to render services of this description1 have made them chary of putting themselves forward again in a similar manner3 it is chilling to be told that the list is over full1 or that so many people have been refused already1 or that there is not a card to spare4 ,but a few years ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an over-crowded one2 the popularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests scarcely being able to find standing-room4 ,thus1 invitations were given right and left to the friends of those who asked for them4 ,but the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a bear-garden1 and to confine the invitations1 with but very few exceptions1 to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the ball-giver2 and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own1 if not on their visiting list4 ,still1 invitations are constantly asked for by people for their friends1 and sometimes they are given and sometimes they are refused1 as the case may be1 but much depends upon the position of the one who solicits the favour4 ,if the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner1 she will stretch a point to do so2 if not1 she will write a polite note of excuse1 giving one of the reasons before mentioned4 ,it is thoroughly understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves1 whatever they may do for their friends1 and that they would not do so unless they were themselves invited4 ,living at a distance modifies1 however1 this latter rule2 and friends in the country often ask for invitations for friends in town1 and vice versa4 99 99 99 99 99 ,dinner invitations are1 as a matter of course1 never asked for2 but invitations to garden-parties1 afternoon at homes1 and afternoon teas1 are frequently asked for and readily given4 ,some are intimate enough at the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to those afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of asking for an invitation2 others1 on less intimate terms1 do not venture upon doing so4 ,in all cases when an invitation is asked for1 a hostess should never neglect to send a reply1 and should not take for granted that her friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent1 for under the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a refusal4 ,,chapter ,,xxxi ,,refusing ,,invitations ,many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a prior engagement4 ,mrs4 ,m4 regrets 7'much regrets1' or 'very much regrets'7 that a previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting ,mrs4 ,n4's 'invitation1' or 'kind invitation4' ,when on more intimate terms1 ,mrs4 ,m4 should write in the first person when declining an invitation4 ,it is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be stated or not4 ,even intimate friends often confine themselves to the statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists2 others1 on the contrary1 state the nature of the engagement1 and there is no doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens the disappointment experienced1 and therefore1 when practicable1 should always be followed4 ,when a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal1 then the refusal must rest on other lines2 ill health1 a severe cold1 etc41 are valid excuses4 ,failing these1 the refusal should be as follows3--,mrs4 ,z4 regrets she is unable to accept ,mrs4 ,x4's kind invitation1 etc4 ,it occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement1 circumstances having changed the aspect of things4 ,the invitation1 perhaps1 was a verbal one1 and a refusal was not easy at the moment4 ,again1 impromptu invitations are sometimes refused1 having been too hastily accepted--the servant who brought the note waited for an answer1 and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was given2 the wife had not time to consult her husband1 and accepted for him as well as for herself2 or perhaps some potent domestic reason that could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal4 ,the fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course1 and fills up the gaps with other invitations4 ,refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner party was partly originated are always disappointing1 even to the most popular of dinner givers1 in the same way that the absence of the principal neighbour from a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the proceedings of the day4 ,although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use1 yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative4 ,as regards the refusal of invitations asked for1 such requests should not be made unless on very safe ground1 and with a certainty of meeting with acquiescence1 yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome or inadmissible1 and refusals are consequently given2 but1 unless worded with tact and good nature1 they are often the cause of strained relations between both friends and acquaintances4 ,,chapter ,,xxxii ,,walking1 ,,driving1 ,,and ,,riding ,the ,usual ,hours for ,walking in the ,park are from #i until #aj4cj a4m4 ,the hours for afternoon walking and sitting in the ,park are from #d to #g p4m4 during the summer months4 ,the fashionable hours for walking in the ,park on ,sunday are from #a to #b p4m41 both in winter and summer2 and from #e to #g p4m4 in the summer months4 ,married ladies can1 if they please1 walk out unaccompanied or unattended in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable watering-places2 but married ladies1 especially if they are young1 usually prefer the society of another lady1 not so much1 perhaps1 for propriety as for companionship1 as to walk alone1 either in town or at fashionable watering-places1 renders a lady more or less conspicuous1 especially if she is attractive and well dressed4 ,a young lady can now also walk by herself in the ,park for the purpose of joining her friends and acquaintances1 both in the morning and in the afternoon1 but she should not sit alone4 ,again1 young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable streets1 but they should not loiter when alone at shop-windows as they pass1 but walk at a quick pace from shop to shop1 or from street to street4 ,in the quiet neighbourhoods of towns1 suburban towns1 and watering-places1 young ladies walk unaccompanied and unattended to visit their friends residing in the near vicinity of their homes1 or to attend classes1 or for the purpose of shopping1 etc4 ,indeed1 great independence is generally accorded in this respect1 the line being drawn at evening hours--that is to say1 at walking alone after dusk4 ,at watering-places1 and at all public promenades1 it is usual for gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are acquainted1 and to walk with them for a short time when it is apparent that their company is desired1 but not otherwise4 ,ladies and gentlemen1 whether related or not1 should never walk arm-in-arm1 unless the lady is an elderly one1 or an invalid1 and requires this support4 99 99 99 99 99 ,driving4--,from #c to #f4cj are the received hours for the afternoon drive during the summer1 and from #b4cj to #d4cj during the winter4 ,the following rules as regards entering and leaving a carriage apply to a motor-car or an electric brougham as far as the construction1 make1 and size of the same render it possible4 ,when driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car it is quite immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand or the left-hand seat4 ,the seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters1 as the lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on the furthest seat4 ,a visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage before the hostess4 ,when three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the young unmarried lady should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the front seat2 this is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette4 ,a husband should sit with his back to the horses1 or by the side of the chauffeur in the case of a motor-car1 when a lady is driving with his wife4 ,a gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car or carriage1 with a view to assisting the ladies to do so4 ,as a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car after her guest and not before her1 unless it is more convenient to do otherwise4 ,when a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a drive1 she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it before her4 ,in the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public thoroughfares1 unaccompanied by married ladies4 ,it is permissible for a young lady to drive alone in the ,park or in the streets4 ,a married lady can1 as a matter of course1 drive unaccompanied4 ,it would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone with a gentleman in his motor-car1 unless he were nearly related to her1 or unless she were engaged to be married to him4 ,it is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the horses2 when a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside her4 ,when young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married lady they should sit with their backs to the horses4 ,when a lady is driving with her husband1 and a young lady accompanies her1 she should not offer the front seat to the young lady1 but should retain it herself1 and even should the offer be made1 a young lady should not avail herself of it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,riding4--,as regards riding in town1 the hours for practice in the ,row are from #h to #aj a4m4 in summer and #i to #aa a4m4 in winter1 for inexperienced riders and beginners2 young ladies ride with a riding-master or with a riding-mistress1 or with a relative1 as the case may be4 ,the hours for riding in the ,park range from #i4cj to #aj4cj a4m4 ,it is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the ,park alone--that is1 unaccompanied or unattended--for the purpose of joining her friends4 ,it is argued1 in these days of woman's emancipation1 that no possible harm or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended1 beyond the always possible chance of an accident4 ,although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to riding alone1 many parents still prefer that their daughters should be attended by their grooms4 ,two ladies frequently ride together1 unaccompanied by a gentleman and unattended by a groom4 ,,chapter ,,xxxiii ,,bowing ,as regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances1 it is the privilege of a lady to take the initiative1 by being the first to bow4 ,a gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him this mark of recognition1 although the act of bowing is a simultaneous action on the part of both lady and gentleman1 as a lady would hardly bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it4 ,the bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character1 when given by a lady1 of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a gentleman returns the bow of a lady he should do so by distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it1 not merely raising it slightly1 as formerly1 and if he is an intimate acquaintance or friend1 he should act in a similar manner4 ,in ,france and on the ,continent generally1 the rule of bowing is reversed1 and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady1 instead of the lady to the gentleman4 ,between ladies but slightly acquainted1 the one of highest rank should be the first to bow to the other2 between ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows first4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a lady should not bow to persons only known to her by sight1 although she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends4 ,a lady should bow to a gentleman1 either a friend or acquaintance1 even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman1 with whom she is unacquainted4 ,gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other1 but simply nod1 when not walking with ladies1 save when a vast difference exists in rank or age4 ,when a gentleman meets another--a friend of his--walking with a lady or ladies1 with whom he himself is unacquainted1 he should raise his hat and look straight before him1 not at the lady or ladies4 ,a lady should not bow to another who1 being a stranger to her1 has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party1 as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an acquaintanceship1 and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance4 ,ladies1 as a rule1 are not too ready to bow to those whom they have merely conversed with in a casual way4 ,in the first place1 they are not quite certain of being remembered1 and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness of the one who has given it1 or through shortsightedness1 or through actual intention4 ,short-sighted people are always offending in the matter of not bowing1 and almost every third person1 comparatively speaking1 complains of being more or less short-sighted2 thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances1 or the chances are that their bow may never be returned1 or they may continue to labour under the impression that they have received a cut direct2 thus many pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension1 and many erroneous impressions created4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a bowing acquaintance is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for any length of time1 when opportunities do not arise for increasing it4 ,the irksomeness of keeping it up is principally experienced by persons meeting day after day in the ,park or on public promenades1 riding1 driving1 or walking1 more especially when it is tacitly understood that the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance4 ,it would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance which has once been commenced4 ,to know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls and parties1 does not give a lady the right to bow to him1 even though she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase1 and may have received some slight civility from him4 ,a lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow1 but as bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him1 and as in such cases as these an acquaintance does not exist1 etiquette provides no compromise in the matter4 ,therefore1 if a young lady takes her own line1 and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been introduced to her either directly or indirectly1 it is a breach of etiquette on her part2 and as to do an unconventional thing is not desirable1 the innumerable little services which ladies receive in general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed at the moment of their being received4 99 99 99 99 99 ,bows vary materially3 there is the friendly bow1 the distant bow1 the ceremonious bow1 the deferential bow1 the familiar bow1 the reluctant bow1 and so on1 according to the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse with each other4 ,when a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen1 and they meet perhaps two or three times during the day1 and are not sufficiently intimate to speak1 they do not usually bow more than once1 when thus meeting in park or promenade4 ,,chapter ,,xxxiv ,,the ,,cockade ,cockades are worn by servants in livery of officers in the army and navy1 and all those who hold ,his ,majesty's commission2 also lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants4 ,retainers of the ,crown are entitled to the use of the cockade as a badge of the reigning dynasty4 ,the fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by men-servants may be accounted for thus3 ,deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case2 almost every country gentleman is a deputy-lieutenant1 and consequently his servants are entitled to the use of the cockade4 ,the privilege of appearing in uniform at levees instead of in ,court dress has been and is an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of deputy-lieutenant4 ,again1 all justices of the peace claim the use of the cockade as being ,civil retainers of the ,crown2 and although there is no clearly defined rule on this head1 according to the late ,sir ,albert ,woods1 ,garter-,king-at-,arms1 it has long been tacitly conceded to them4 ,the custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates from the commencement of the eighteenth century1 and was at first purely a military distinction4 ,the cockade worn by the servants of the members of the ,royal ,family1 and by all who claim to be of ,royal descent1 is slightly different in shape from that known as the badge of the reigning dynasty1 i4e4 the ,hanoverian badge1 and is round in shape and without a fan4 ,the military cockade is of an oval shape1 terminating in a fan4 ,the civil cockade is of an oval shape also1 but without the fan4 ,the naval cockade is identical with the civil cockade4 ,the white cockade is the badge of the ,house of ,stuart4 ,the black cockade that of the ,house of ,hanover4 ,the servants of foreign ambassadors wear cockades in colour according to their nationalities4 ,black and white for ,germany2 black and yellow for ,austria2 the tricolour for ,france2 scarlet for ,spain2 blue and white for ,portugal2 and black and yellow for ,belgium4 ,the word cockade1 according to a well-known authority1 was borrowed from the ,french cocarde1 having originally been applied to the plumes of cock's feathers worn by ,croatian soldiers serving in the ,french army4 ,some such plume1 or in its place a bunch of ribbons1 came to be used in pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position1 and thus gradually the word passed for the name of the cocked hat itself4 ,,chapter ,,xxxv ,,country-,,house ,,visits ,september is actually the commencement of the country visiting season1 the few visits that are paid in ,august are but a prelude to the programme that is to follow during the succeeding five months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the visitors received in ,august are principally relatives4 ,the exceptions to the ,august family parties are the ,august cricket parties in the counties where cricket is made a great feature during that month1 where the cricket weeks and consequent large country-house parties are of annual recurrence1 and where balls and private theatricals form part of the week's amusement4 ,it often follows that people visit at the same houses year after year1 they arrange their tour of visits with regard to those invitations which they annually receive2 new acquaintances and new houses whereat to visit are added to the list from time to time and take the place of those which1 as a matter of course1 drop out of it4 ,sometimes the invitations fit into each other admirably1 like the pieces of a puzzle2 at others there is an awkward interval of a day1 or two or three days1 to be filled up between leaving one house and arriving at another4 ,if the hostess is1 in either case1 a relation or an intimate friend1 this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at one house until the day fixed for arrival at another1 or vice versa2 but if a guest is on ceremony with her hostess1 or if1 as is often the case1 new arrivals are expected for the following week1 the alternative is to spend a few days in town1 as although the house where the next visit to be paid might be within twenty or thirty miles of the house the visitor is about to leave1 it would be unusual to spend the interval at an hotel in the adjacent town1 as to do so might reflect upon the hospitality of the hostess4 ,on the other hand1 invitations are sometimes given independently of dates1 but this friendly style of invitation is not given when a large party is invited1 and it is understood to mean that the hostess may be quite alone1 or may have guests staying with her1 as the case may be4 ,this form of invitation is frequently given to people visiting in ,scotland1 on account of the great distance from town4 ,it is a very general custom to give shooting parties the third week in ,september1 harvest permitting4 ,if the harvest is late on account of unfavourable weather the shooting parties are postponed until the first week in the ensuing month4 ,the guests1 or at least the crack guns1 are usually invited for partridge driving1 which is what partridge shooting now actually amounts to4 ,there are large shooting parties and small shooting parties1 shooting parties to which royalty is invited and shooting parties restricted to intimate friends or relations1 but in either case the period is the same1 three days' shooting4 99 99 99 99 99 ,if a party is limited to five guns1 seven ladies is the average number invited1 the hostess relying upon a neighbour or a neighbour's son to equalise the balance at the dinner-table4 ,the success of house-parties mainly depends upon people knowing each other1 or fraternising when they are introduced or have made each other's acquaintance4 ,the ladies of a country-house party are expected1 as a rule1 to amuse themselves1 more or less1 during the day4 ,after luncheon there is usually a drive to a neighbouring town1 a little shopping to be done there1 or a call to be paid in the neighbourhood by some of the party1 notably the married ladies1 the young ladies being left to their own resources4 ,at the close of a visit game is offered to those of the shooters to whom it is known that it will be acceptable4 ,the head gamekeeper is usually instructed to put up a couple of brace of pheasants and a hare4 ,but in some houses even this custom is not followed1 and the whole of the game killed1 with the exception of what is required for the house1 finds its way into the market1 both the local market and the ,london market4 99 99 99 99 99 ,shooting parties as a rule give a hostess little anxiety on the score of finding amusement for the ladies of the party1 as so many aids out of doors are at her command at this season of the year4 ,this is a great advantage1 as although some few ladies possessing great strength of nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement and pastime and acquit themselves surprisingly well in this manly sport1 yet ladies in general are not inclined for so dangerous a game1 and even those intrepid ladies who have learnt how to use their little gun would never be permitted to make one or two of a big shooting party1 even were they so inclined4 ,the hostess and the ladies of the party invariably join the shooters at luncheon1 and some of the ladies go out with the shooters in the morning to watch their prowess in the field2 but this entails a great deal of walking where partridge shooting is concerned1 which is quite another thing to covert shooting in ,november and ,december4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a good hostess has great opportunities for distinguishing herself when entertaining a country-house party1 from the arrival of the first motor-car to the departure of the last4 ,her consideration and tact are so successfully exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves doing exactly what they like best and in company with those who are most congenial to them1 to say nothing of the comfort of the general domestic arrangements1 which seem to have been arranged exclusively for their convenience4 ,if they wish to drive1 there is a carriage or motor-car at their disposal2 if they prefer a constitutional1 there is some one very agreeable desirous of walking with them4 ,the daily papers are always to be found1 the post-bag goes out at a most convenient hour by the hand of a special messenger1 the dinner is of the best1 and the evening is of the cheeriest4 ,bridge as a rule is played in most houses1 and several tables are arranged in the drawing-room to accommodate the would-be players4 ,occasionally1 when the birds are wild and sport is slack1 a sort of picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a keeper's lodge1 under the shade of some wide-spreading trees1 when the ladies join the party2 but in ,september keen sportsmen rather despise this playing at shooting1 and resent the interruption caused by the company of ladies at luncheon1 and prefer to take it in the rough and smoke the while4 ,every day of the week is not thus given up to shooting1 and there are few owners of manors who would care to provide five days' consecutive sport for their guests1 and two days' hard shooting is probably followed by what is called an idle day4 ,on these off days in ,september the hostess often gives a garden-party1 or takes her guests to one given by a neighbour at some few miles distant2 or she holds a stall at a bazaar and persuades her guests to assist her in disposing of her stock2 or she induces her party to accompany her to some flower-show in which she takes a local interest2 or the host and one or two of the best shots start early after breakfast to shoot with a neighbour1 and the remainder of the guests drive over to a picturesque ruin1 where they picnic1 and return home in time for the eight-o'clock dinner4 ,if the owner of a mansion has a coach the whole party is conveyed on it1 otherwise the motor-cars are brought into requisition1 while saddle horses are provided for those who care to ride4 ,a country-house party occasionally resolves itself into two or more cliques1 as far as the ladies are concerned2 gentlemen1 as a rule1 are not much given to this sort of thing4 ,on the first evening1 as soon as the ladies have left the dining-room for the drawing-room1 these little cliques are tacitly formed1 and continue unbroken until the close of the visit4 ,there are many reasons which call these cliques into existence--old intimacies revived1 new acquaintanceships to be strengthened1 unwelcome acquaintanceships to be avoided1 and so on4 ,these cliques are by no means agreeable to the hostess1 indeed1 quite the contrary--but she is powerless to prevent their being formed1 and she is herself sometimes drawn into one or other of them1 and sometimes altogether excluded from them4 ,any one who is at all conversant with country-house visiting is aware how thoroughly the influence of the clique pervades the atmosphere of the drawing-room2 and yet1 perhaps1 at country-house parties more friendships are formed and intimacies cemented than at any other gatherings4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the evening amusements at country-house parties vary very much according to the proclivities of the hostess or those of her daughters4 ,at some houses dancing is the order of things for a couple of hours or so after dinner1 but this mode of spending the evening does not always commend itself to the gentlemen1 who1 after a long day's walking through wet turnips and over heavy ploughed land1 or a hard day's riding over stiff fences1 rather incline towards the dolce far niente of a luxurious armchair than to the pleasures of the mazy valse1 and are proportionately grateful to a hostess who does not call upon them to undergo any further exercise than what they have already gone through for their own pleasure4 ,in most country-house parties bridge forms the chief if not the only amusement1 and is played not only after dinner but in the afternoon also4 ,amateur theatricals and tableaux vivants1 impromptu charades1 thought reading1 conjuring1 etc41 are fashionable amusements and easy of accomplishment3 the first-named of these demands considerable study and plenty of time for rehearsal1 therefore theatricals are generally engaged in when the party is composed of relatives rather than of acquaintances1 and when the visit would be perhaps prolonged to ten days or a fortnight4 ,some hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours1 and do not retire until after twelve2 this does not commend itself to the gentlemen1 as they are not supposed to adjourn to the smoking-room until the ladies have left the drawing-room1 and gentlemen like to spend a couple of hours in the smoking-room after dinner4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in hunting counties the breakfast is usually an early one1 varying from nine o'clock to half-past nine1 according to whether the ride to covert is likely to be a long or a short one2 but1 as a rule1 the nominal breakfast hour is #i4cj o'clock4 ,a certain amount of latitude is allowed to guests as regards coming down to breakfast2 they do not assemble in the morning-room1 but all make their way to the breakfast-room1 and seat themselves at once at table1 while many ladies breakfast in their own rooms4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in ,scotland1 an invitation to shoot often means a visit of three weeks4 ,the accommodation of the shooting-box or lodge may be limited or primitive1 and it is very often both of these2 but it matters very little to the sportsman what sort of bed he sleeps on1 or how he is made to rough it1 providing the grouse are plentiful4 ,on some of the moors there are but cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of the sportsmen1 but on others the houses are excellent1 and let with the moors1 as many take a moor season after season and invite their friends to shoot between the #abth of ,august and ,october4 ,the grand shooting parties that are annually given in ,scotland by owners of large estates and fine shootings extends throughout the whole of the shooting season1 and guests come and go without intermission2 as one leaves another arrives4 ,certain houses or castles are much gayer than others2 to some very few ladies are asked1 the majority of the guests being gentlemen--probably the hostess and two ladies and eight men--in others1 the numbers are more equal2 in others1 again1 the party sometimes consists entirely of men with a host and no hostess4 ,ladies generally ask their most intimate friends to ,scotland rather than acquaintances1 as they are left to themselves the whole of the day1 dinner being often postponed until nine o'clock1 on account of the late return of the sportsmen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,south of the ,tweed1 ,september invitations are usually given for three or four days1 from ,tuesday till ,saturday2 married couples1 young ladies1 and young men1 are all asked1 and the ladies find amusement in lawn-tennis1 or in attending or assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or fancy fair1 as in this month county bazaars are very popular1 and the visitors at one house lend their services in conjunction with the visitors at another1 to hold stalls at a bazaar got up by a third influential lady2 and thus the stalls are well stocked1 and the fashionable stall-holders give an impetus to the whole affair4 ,ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast and dinner4 ,the shooters start about eleven1 and seldom return much before seven4 ,when it is dark at four1 those who prefer ladies' society and tea to the smoking-room and billiards1 make themselves presentable and join the ladies4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as regards the ,etiquette of ,visiting at ,bachelors' ,houses4--,it is thoroughly understood that ladies should be accompanied by their husbands1 and young ladies by their father and mother1 or by a married couple with whom they are on terms of great intimacy1 in which case the married lady acts as chaperon to the young ladies4 ,young ladies cannot stay at the house of a bachelor unless chaperoned by a married lady1 or by a female relative of their host4 ,a widow and her daughter could of course join a party of ladies staying at a bachelor's house1 or stay on a visit to him were he alone1 or entertaining bachelor friends4 ,when a bachelor gives a country-house party1 and nominally does the honours himself1 occasionally one of the married ladies of the party tacitly takes the lead4 ,the position of a young widower is similar to that of a bachelor as regards society4 ,later in life1 the contrary is the case2 a widower with grown-up daughters gives entertainments for them1 and the eldest daughter does the honours1 thus reducing the position again to that of host and hostess4 ,,chapter ,,xxxvi ,,hunting ,,and ,,shooting ,ladies in the ,hunting-,field4--,there is no arena better fitted to display good riding on the part of women than the hunting-field1 and no better opportunity for the practice of this delightful accomplishment and for its thorough enjoyment4 ,it is urged1 however1 that it argues cruelty of disposition and unwomanly feeling to join in the pursuit of a poor1 miserable1 hunted fox1 and worse still to be in at the death1 and that women are liable to be carried away by the enthusiasm of the hour to applaud and to witness what they would otherwise shrink from4 ,this argument has a certain weight1 and deters many from actually hunting who would otherwise join in the sport1 and they make a compromise by regularly attending the meets1 and even witnessing a throw-off of a fox-break covert4 ,every strong point that a rider possesses is brought out in the field4 ,the canter in the ,row1 the trot through the country-lanes1 or the long country ride are very feeble substitutes for the intense enjoyment experienced when taking part in a good run2 the excitement felt and shared in by the whole field exhilarates and stimulates1 and renders fatigue a thing out of the question1 not to be thought of until the homeward ride is well over4 ,considering the number of ladies who hunt1 the accidents that occur are surprisingly few1 for the obvious reason that ladies do not attempt to hunt unless their skill as good horsewomen is beyond all question4 ,their husbands1 their fathers1 their brothers would not allow them to jeopardise their lives1 unless their riding and experience1 their courage1 their nerve1 and their instruction justified the attempt4 ,there are also two other weighty considerations necessary to success--a good mount1 and a good lead4 ,the father or husband invariably selects the one1 and the friend--either of the fair rider or of the husband or brother--gives the all-important lead1 without which few ladies venture upon hunting1 save those few who are independent enough to cut out their own work4 ,ladies1 who are naturally fond of riding1 cannot always indulge in the pleasure of hunting1 on the ground of expense1 for instance4 ,a lady may possess a fairly good horse for ordinary purposes1 to ride in the ,row1 or for country exercise1 but very few gentlemen of moderate means can afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their families as well as for themselves1 although1 in fiction1 this is freely done4 ,if a lady has one good hunter of her own1 she may expect two days' hunting a week1 providing the country is not too stiff1 and the meets are fairly convenient4 ,occasionally1 a mount may be obtained from a good-natured friend1 whose stud is larger than his requirements2 but this is not to be depended upon in every-day life1 and popular ladies and first-rate riders are more in the way of receiving these attentions than the general run of ladies4 ,as regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting-field1 there are two opinions respecting its advisability1 apart from the question of whether it is or is not a feminine pursuit4 ,the long ride home in the ,november and ,december twilight1 in the company of some member of the hunt1 who has become the young lady's cavalier for the time being1 is not to the taste of many parents2 chaperonage must of necessity be greatly dispensed with in the hunting-field1 and this is an objection which many fathers advance against their daughters hunting4 ,some husbands entertain equally strict views on this head1 and are of opinion that the boldest rider and the best lead to follow in the field is not always the guest they would most desire to see at their own firesides4 99 99 99 99 99 ,hunt-,breakfasts4--,a lady should not go to a hunt-breakfast at the house of a country gentleman if unacquainted with him1 or some member of his family1 unless asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance4 ,all gentlemen riding to hounds1 whether strangers to the host or not1 have the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-breakfast is given and accepting the hospitality offered4 ,the breakfast1 which is in reality a cold collation1 with the addition of wine1 liqueurs1 ale1 etc41 is usually laid out in the dining-room1 and no ceremony whatever is observed2 the gentlemen come and go as they please4 ,the mistress of the house should either be present at a hunt-breakfast and receive the ladies who arrive in the hall or dining-room1 or she should receive them in the drawing-room1 where refreshments should be brought to them4 ,when a hostess intends riding to hounds1 she is often mounted before her neighbours arrive1 in which case she invites them to enter the house for refreshments1 if they care to do so4 99 99 99 99 99 ,gentlemen who go down into a ,county for a few days' hunting only seldom wear pink1 and prefer riding to hounds in black coats4 ,the members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of course1 but it is considered better taste for a stranger to wear a black coat than to appear in a new1 very new1 unspecked red one4 99 99 99 99 99 ,sporting ,terms4--,persons unversed in matters appertaining to country life and country sports1 town bred1 and who have had little or no opportunity of acquiring a knowledge of the subject from personal experience1 can hardly fail to commit many and various mistakes when brought into contact with sportsmen and their sports4 ,a knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms1 and the etiquette observed by sportsmen1 is only arrived at by associating with those thoroughly conversant with the subject1 and with whom sport has formed part of their education so to speak4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,shooting ,season commences on the #abth of ,august with grouse shooting in the north of ,england1 ,scotland1 and ,ireland4 ,partridge shooting commences on the #ast of ,september and terminates on the #ast of ,february4 ,the finest partridge shooting is allowed by general consent to be found in the eastern counties4 ,partridge driving does not take place until ,january to any great extent4 99 99 99 99 99 ,pheasant ,shooting commences the #ast of ,october and terminates the #ast of ,february4 99 99 99 99 99 ,hares may be shot up to the #ast of ,march4 99 99 99 99 99 ,rabbits may be shot all the year round4 99 99 99 99 99 ,rooks are shot during the spring and summer4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is difficult to make a would-be sportsmen comprehend the strict etiquette maintained between the owners of manors2 that is to say1 he would think nothing of crossing the boundary of his host's manor1 gun in hand1 if he felt inclined to follow a bird or hare he had wounded1 oblivious of the fact that1 in the first place1 the greatest punctiliousness is observed between gentlemen in the matter of trespassing on each other's land when out shooting2 and1 that unless the greatest intimacy existed1 a sportsman would hardly venture to pick up his dead bird if it had fallen on a neighbour's manor1 and would on no account look for a wounded bird1 but for a dead one only4 ,in the second place he would carefully observe the rule of leaving his gun on his own side of the boundary1 and would certainly not carry it with him to his neighbour's land4 ,those are points that strangers invited for a few days' shooting very often fall foul of1 creating thereby much unpleasantness for their host through their ignorance and inexperience4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a gentleman is invited to join a shooting-party1 it would not be necessary for him to take a loader with him1 as his host would find a man to perform that office for him1 unless he had a servant with him capable of performing that duty2 but if he were residing in the neighbourhood he would1 as a matter of course1 take his loader with him when asked to join a shooting-party1 and in both cases he would shoot with two guns2 as to shoot with one gun only causes a vexatious delay4 ,a frequent cause of offence to sportsmen is for a gentleman to be noisy when out shooting1 that is to say1 to be loudly talkative1 or boisterously merry1 or given to indulge in exclamations when a bird rises1 or when a bird is missed2 your true sportsman maintains a strict silence4 ,there are numberless other points relating to field sports wherein the inexperienced sportsman is apt to give offence1 but which would take up too much space to enter into in a work of this description4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,fees1 or ,tips to the ,gamekeepers1 vary from #ajs4 to ,l#e1 according to the number of days' shooting enjoyed or the extent of the bag4 ,for one day's partridge-shooting the tip to the head gamekeeper would be a sovereign2 for a good day's pheasant-shooting1 as much as two sovereigns would probably be given4 ,a gentleman who does not tip or fee up to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in a battue4 ,the cost of a game licence is ,l#c1 and lasts twelve months1 from #ast ,august to the #cast of ,july the following year1 or ,l#b from the #ast of ,august to the #cast of ,october1 or ,l#b from the #ast of ,november to the #cast of ,july in the following year1 or ,l#a for fourteen days4 ,,chapter ,,xxxvii ,,shaking ,,hands ,the etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an open question1 it is distinct enough and simple enough for all exigencies1 but yet there is individual temperament to be taken into account which in many drives etiquette out of the field1 if by etiquette is understood not merely stiff propriety of action1 but politeness in the truest sense of the word1 and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do4 ,etiquette rules when to shake hands and when not to do so1 when to bow and when not to bow2 but in spite of this knowledge1 which is within every one's reach1 there are many mistakes made on this head4 ,for instance1 one does not offer to shake hands when expected to do so2 another offers to shake hands three times2 one displays unwarrantable warmth in shaking hands2 another extends two fingers only2 one shakes hands in a limp and uncomfortable manner1 and takes the extended hand merely to drop it2 another literally pumps the extended hand1 or crushes the rings into a lady's fingers when shaking hands with her4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a lady who does not shake hands when expected to do so is actuated by one or other of the following reasons--she did not wish to shake hands with a certain acquaintance1 and preferred to bow only1 or she was not aware whether she should have shaken hands or not4 ,the gentlemen who shake hands with great warmth and empressement are two distinct individuals2 the one is cordial and large-hearted1 and has a friendly grasp for every one--a grasp indicative of kindliness1 geniality1 and good fellowship--the other wishes to ingratiate himself in certain quarters1 and loses no opportunity of demonstratively shaking hands1 but no one is deceived by this spurious imitation of the real thing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when a lady gives but two fingers to people whom she does not care about1 she is always a person who fancies herself1 and who feels very fine2 she doubtless is1 but her good breeding and her good feeling are both in question when she takes this method of showing the superiority of herself and her position over that of other people4 ,there are other eccentricities indulged in by different people who shake hands when they should not1 and people who do not shake hands when they should4 ,it depends upon whom a lady is introduced to1 or upon who is introduced to her1 whether she should or should not shake hands4 ,she should not shake hands on being casually introduced to a person altogether a stranger to her2 but yet there are so many occasions when it is both proper and correct to shake hands on being introduced1 that the rule on this head is a very elastic one4 ,for instance1 a host and hostess should shake hands with every stranger introduced to them at their house4 ,a lady should shake hands on being introduced to the relations of her intended husband4 ,a lady should shake hands on being introduced to the friend of an intimate friend4 ,when a lady has entered into conversation to any extent with some one to whom she has been introduced1 and finds she has much in common with her1 she should shake hands on taking leave2 but if she has only exchanged a few commonplace sentences1 a bow would be all that is necessary4 ,a lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking hands as with bowing2 but in reality it is a spontaneous movement1 made by both lady and gentleman at the same moment1 as the hand ought not to be extended or the bow given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated4 ,a young lady should not offer to shake hands with one not expectant of the honour4 99 99 99 99 99 ,shaking hands on taking leave is1 with some few people1 a graceful and pleasant fashion of saying good-bye2 intimate friends hold the hand while the last words are being said4 ,women hold each other's hands thus on parting1 and some few men take each other's hands2 but with them it is rather a foreign fashion1 and is principally followed by those who have lived much on the ,continent2 for1 as a rule1 an ,englishman prefers the hearty ,english shake of the hand4 ,a lady having once shaken hands with another1 should continue to do so at subsequent meetings1 unless a coolness of manner warns her that a bow would be more acceptable4 ,with regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with acquaintances3 if the dinner-party is a small one1 and there is time to shake hands1 it is correct to do so2 but when there is little time before dinner1 and no good opportunity for shaking hands1 bows to acquaintances at distant parts of the room1 or when seated at the dinner-table1 are sufficient recognition for the time being4 ,at an evening-party it depends upon opportunity whether acquaintances shake hands or not4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the fashion of raising the arm when shaking hands is followed by very few in the exaggerated style in which it was first introduced1 but a modification of it has distinctly become the fashion in general society4 ,the hand1 instead of being extended straight out1 is now offered on a line or parallel with the chest1 a trifle higher than the old-fashioned style1 and the fingers of the hand are held and gently shaken1 but the palm is not grasped or even touched4 ,,chapter ,,xxxviii ,,chaperons ,,and ,,debutantes ,an unmarried lady1 unless she be a maiden-lady of a recognised age and standing1 cannot act as an orthodox chaperon2 but1 on the other hand1 a young married lady could do so with the greatest propriety1 as could a brother from the age of eighteen2 of other relatives it is not necessary to speak4 ,young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner-parties without a chaperon1 a hostess constituting herself chaperon for the occasion4 ,dances are also given to which it is understood chaperons are not invited1 the hostess again acting in that capacity1 but at large balls and dances chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies4 ,at theatres and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly required2 but at morning concerts and matinees1 companionship rather than chaperonage is needed4 ,as regards morning hours4 ,young ladies may now walk together in the ,park and elsewhere2 ride together1 attend classes together or alone1 go to luncheon or afternoon tea alone or together at the houses of friends and acquaintances1 quite unaccompanied by a chaperon4 ,they may also visit at country houses without a chaperon1 the hostess performing this duty4 ,at all out-door gatherings1 such as garden-parties1 tennis-parties1 cricket-matches1 golf-meetings1 etc41 the chaperonage required is of the slightest1 and for which any might be made available4 ,,chapter ,,xxxix ,,presentations ,,at ,,the ,,viceregal ,,court1 ,,dublin ,,castle ,the ,drawing-rooms at ,dublin ,castle are held by the ,lord-,lieutenant of ,ireland and his wife1 in ,st4 ,patrick's ,hall1 at #aj4ae o'clock p4m4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady who desires a presentation at the ,viceregal ,court must be presented by a lady who has herself been presented thereat1 and it is necessary that she herself should be present on the occasion1 save under exceptional circumstances4 ,a lady is not allowed to present more than two ladies1 except in special cases to be sanctioned by ,his ,excellency4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady who proposes being presented at a ,viceregal ,drawing-room must send to the ,chamberlain's office by five o'clock1 three days previous to the ,drawing-room1 a card with her name and address both in town and country1 and the name and address of the lady by whom she is to be presented distinctly written thereon1 and stating which ,drawing-room she wishes to attend1 to be submitted to the ,lord-,lieutenant and his wife for their ,excellencies' approval4 ,also two ,presentation ,cards must be obtained at the ,chamberlain's office two days before the ,drawing-room--if they have not previously been sent by post--and must be filled in with the necessary particulars1 and taken to the ,castle on the evening of the ,drawing-room1 one to be delivered to the official stationed in the ,corridor1 and the other to be handed to the ,chamberlain1 who will announce the name4 ,it is requested that the names may be very distinctly written upon the cards1 that there may be no difficulty in announcing them4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,lady attending a ,viceregal ,drawing-room1 who has been already presented at the ,viceregal ,court1 must leave at the ,chamberlain's office1 three days previous to the ,drawing-room1 a card with her name and address1 both in town and country1 distinctly written thereon1 and stating which ,drawing-room she wishes to attend4 ,she must bring with her two similar cards on the evening of the ,drawing-room1 one to be given to the official in the ,corridor1 and the other to the ,chamberlain1 who will announce the name4 ,a lady on entering the ,castle on the evening of a ,drawing-room towards ten o'clock1 finds the hall lined with soldiers1 and repairs at once to the cloak-room to leave wraps1 etc41 and to have her train dexterously arranged over one arm by a female attendant4 ,she then proceeds up the grand staircase1 lined with servants in gorgeous liveries1 and enters the ,corridor1 where one of the ,presentation ,cards is given up to the official in attendance1 and she passes down the ,corridor into the ,long ,drawing-room1 where a barrier of wood1 enclosing a space1 is erected at the end4 ,one of the gentlemen of the ,household lifts this barrier at intervals to allow of a certain number passing through to the ,throne-room1 at the door of which her train is let down and arranged by men-servants4 ,if she is to be presented1 the ,chamberlain tells her to take off her right-hand glove1 and1 if royalty is present1 informs her that she must make three bows1 and says1 ,three bows1 please4 ,she gives up her second ,presentation ,card to him1 and he calls out her name1 and it is passed along to ,his ,excellency by the gentlemen of the household4 ,the ,lord-,lieutenant and his wife stand on a dais1 he standing in front of the ,throne1 which is a grand chair of ,state1 and on either side--in what are known as the ,pens--are grouped the visitors staying at the ,castle1 those who have the private entree1 and the members of the ,household4 ,the name of the lady who makes the presentation is also called out4 ,the lady presented advances1 the ,lord-,lieutenant shakes hands with her1 but does not now kiss her on the cheek2 she then makes him a bow1 and bows to his wife1 who bows in return4 ,she then retires back to the door leading into the ,long ,drawing-room1 where her train is replaced over her arm4 ,she then proceeds to ,st4 ,patrick's ,hall1 or to the ,picture ,gallery4 99 99 99 99 99 ,ladies who attend the ,drawing-room only bow to the ,lord-,lieutenant and his wife2 he bows to them1 but he does not shake hands with them or kiss them4 ,in ,ireland men invariably accompany their wives to the ,drawing-room1 having previously attended the ,levee2 they pass along the base of the semi-circle1 and make their bows at the same time as do the ladies4 ,when all have been received and have assembled in ,st4 ,patrick's ,hall1 a procession is formed1 the ,lord-,lieutenant walking first1 followed by his wife1 whose train is carried by pages4 ,the visitors staying at the ,castle follow next1 and then the members of the ,household1 the band stationed in the gallery playing ,god ,save the ,king the while4 ,all those present form up in two lines to make a passage for the procession to pass through1 and bow low to ,his ,excellency and his wife as they pass4 ,a supper is not given1 only light refreshments of every description4 ,these refreshments are arranged on long tables on one side of ,st4 ,patrick's ,hall1 and at the lower end1 under the gallery1 tables are placed for tea1 coffee1 wine1 etc4 ,on the opposite side of the hall red-cushioned seats are placed1 and the company promenade in and around the ,picture ,gallery and ,st4 ,patrick's ,hall during the remainder of the evening4 ,ladies wear full ,court dress as at ,buckingham ,palace1 and gentlemen uniform or ,court dress4 99 99 99 99 99 ,levees4--,every nobleman or gentleman who proposes to attend a ,levee1 and who has not yet been received at the ,viceregal ,court1 must be introduced by a nobleman or gentleman who has himself been previously presented thereat4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,gentleman who proposes to be presented must send to the ,gentleman ,usher's office by five o'clock1 two or three days before the ,levee1 a card with his name and address1 both in town and country1 and the name and address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented distinctly written thereon1 to be submitted for the ,lord-,lieutenant's approval4 ,he must also obtain two ,presentation ,cards from the ,gentleman ,usher's office1 and must take them to the ,castle on the day of the ,levee1 the one to be given to the official in the ,corridor1 and the other to be handed to the ,gentleman ,usher1 who will announce the name to the ,lord-,lieutenant4 ,any gentleman who proposes to attend a ,levee1 having been previously presented1 must also take two cards with him to the ,castle on the day of the ,levee1 with his name and address1 both in town and country1 clearly written thereon1 to be given up as before mentioned4 ,again1 a gentleman who1 having previously attended the ,levee1 proposes attending the ,drawing-room1 is requested to bring with him one card1 with his name distinctly written upon it1 to be left in the ,corridor4 ,all those entitled to the private entree at ,dublin ,castle1 and availing themselves of the privilege1 are permitted to be accompanied only by their wives and unmarried daughters4 ,gentlemen wear ,court dress or naval and military uniforms1 or the uniforms of ,lords-,lieutenants of ,counties1 or of the ,royal ,irish ,constabulary1 etc4 ,the ,academical habit cannot be worn except when presenting an address from a university4 ,foreign orders and decorations cannot be worn at the ,court of ,dublin by ,british subjects without special authority under ,his ,majesty's royal licence4 ,the right-hand glove should be removed before ,presentation4 ,gentlemen who1 having previously attended the ,levee1 are desirous of accompanying the ladies of their families to the ,drawing-room1 are requested to apply to the ,chamberlain's office for an ,attendance ,card1 which should be brought to the ,castle on the evening of the ,drawing-room and given up in the ,corridor4 ,presentations in ,london do not count as ,presentations at the ,viceregal ,court4 ,,chapter ,,xl ,,hostesses ,the ,art of receiving ,guests is a very subtle one1 difficult to acquire2 but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon a mistress of a house an enviable reputation--that of being a perfect hostess4 ,with some this is in-bred1 and grace and composure and all the attendant attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally upon them2 but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than the many4 ,a far greater section of society has to rely upon experience to teach them this useful accomplishment1 while with others time alone can aid them in overcoming natural reserve1 and want of confidence in themselves1 which stand in the way of their assuming this character with anything like success4 ,those ladies who are innately thoughtless and careless in this respect1 neither time nor experience can mould1 and what they are at the commencement of their career1 they remain to the end of the chapter--very indifferent hostesses4 ,there are varieties of hostesses1 according to individual capabilities1 and who are known amongst their friends by these appellations3 first ranks the perfect or charming hostess1 either title suits her equally well2 next to her comes the good hostess1 she is followed by the one who is not a good hostess2 and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly a bad hostess4 ,amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or charming hostess are perhaps1 foremost1 a certain facility of putting each individual guest at ease1 conveying that the welcome she accords is a personal if not an especial one4 ,simultaneously with these agreeable impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities2 her charm of manner1 her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so plainly that she is entirely mistress of the situation3 these qualities insensibly react upon the guests1 and evoke a corresponding desire to please on their part4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the perfect hostess possesses yet another advantage1 viz4 a readiness of speech1 a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and to the right person1 and of identifying herself1 so to speak1 with the susceptibilities of each of her guests4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the good hostess is essentially what is known as a considerate hostess2 she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her guests4 ,in the charming hostess this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing1 it permeates all she does1 while in the good hostess it is her strongest point1 and upon which is founded her claim to the name4 ,the lady who bears the undesirable reputation of being not a good hostess is not good in a variety of ways2 she means well and does her utmost to succeed1 but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic and social affairs1 the results of her efforts are always the reverse of what she would have them be4 ,the lady who is not a good hostess sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in manner when she would most desire to be cordial1 silent when she would be most loquacious1 and awkward when she would be at ease4 ,as there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses1 so there are many reasons why they prove bad hostesses1 selfishness and want of consideration for others contribute to these1 as do procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time4 ,ladies with such faults and weaknesses as these produce very much the same impression upon their guests1 although1 perhaps1 one is a little less culpable than is the other4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the selfish hostess is a bad hostess1 because1 providing she is amused1 she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused or not1 her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount importance4 ,instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she descends late to the drawing-room to welcome them1 and is indifferent as to whether there is any one to greet them or not4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the procrastinating hostess1 although she is equally in fault1 yet1 as she hastens to excuse herself1 when lacking in politeness to1 or consideration for her guests1 her excuses are sometimes admitted2 but the selfish hostess1 if she deigns to excuse herself1 does so with such a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her actions1 that the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the offence4 ,a lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at the moment when she should be descending to the drawing-room2 or she remains out driving when she should be returning2 or she puts off making some very important arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought of1 if it has not to be dispensed with altogether4 ,everything that she does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination2 her invitations1 her orders and engagements1 are one and all effected against time1 and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or satisfaction of the hospitality put forth4 ,the bad hostess walks into her drawing-room when many of her guests are assembled1 either for a dinner-party or afternoon tea1 and shakes hands in an awkward1 abashed manner1 almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the mistress of the house4 ,the host is not at his ease2 he is provoked at having to make excuses for his wife1 and the guests are equally constrained4 ,if the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind1 he never refrains from saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance4 ,my dear1 he will perhaps remark1 you are doubtless not aware that we have friends dining with us this evening4 ,this remark renders the guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed1 and this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening1 with a host whose brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the mode of receiving guests is determined by the nature of the entertainment4 ,a welcome accorded to some two or three hundred guests cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to thirty guests4 ,whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to appear on the surface1 and should not be distrait in manner when shaking hands with her guests4 ,at large or small gatherings disappointments follow in the course of events1 and very few hostesses can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller degree at each and all of their entertainments4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at a ball or evening-party a hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase1 and should remain there until the majority1 if not all1 of the guests have arrived4 ,as the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands with each1 addressing some courteous observation the while1 not with a view of inducing them to linger on the staircase1 but rather of inviting them to enter the ball-room to make way for other guests4 ,at a ball given at a country house the hostess should stand at the door of the ball-room and receive her guests4 ,when the guests have duly arrived1 a hostess at a country-house ball or country-house theatricals should exert herself to see that all her guests are amused4 ,if she sees that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find them partners4 ,in town she is not required to do this4 ,if the chaperons have apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own relatives1 if she cannot give much of her own attention to them1 and she should arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at large afternoon at homes the hostess receives her guests at the open door of the drawing-room1 and has little more time to bestow upon each than at a ball or an at home4 ,at small afternoon at homes she should receive them in the drawing-room1 and should rise and shake hands with each arrival4 ,a hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room1 and should shake hands with each in the order of arrival4 ,she occasionally finds it a trying ordeal to sustain conversation between the arrival of dinner guests and the dinner being served2 sometimes this is prolonged for three-quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest who must be waited for4 ,a hostess should1 although she knows that her dinner is spoilt by being thus kept back1 endeavour to make the time pass as pleasantly as possible1 by rendering the conversation general and by making the guests acquainted with each other4 ,the hostess who can tide over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from half to three-quarters of an hour is hardly perceived1 proves herself to be entitled to be considered a good hostess4 ,,chapter ,,xli ,,the ,,responsibilities ,,of ,,lady ,,patronesses ,,of ,,public ,,balls ,ladies are frequently solicited to allow their names to be placed on the lists of lady patronesses of charity balls4 ,a ball committee is desirous of obtaining a list of influential names to lend eclat and prestige to the ball1 and a charity ball often numbers amongst its lady patronesses the names of many of the leading members of the nobility1 followed by those of the wives of the leading county gentry1 or by the principal residents of a watering-place or county town2 but it is understood1 as a rule1 that the duty of giving vouchers or tickets for a charity ball is undertaken by those ladies who are more directly interested in it1 whose husbands are on the committee1 who make a point of annually attending it1 and thus are principally concerned in keeping it select2 and although in many counties and in many towns lady patronesses1 members of the nobility1 do attend1 yet it not unfrequently happens that out of a long list of great ladies only three or four are present at a ball4 ,the members of the leading nobility and gentry of a neighbourhood invariably lend their names to local charity balls1 and head the list of patrons and patronesses1 but beyond lending their names1 and in some cases sending a subscription of money towards the funds of the charity1 or a present of game towards the supper1 they have very little to do with the ball itself1 which is practically in the hands of the local stewards4 ,the exceptions to this rule are the charity balls held in town during the season1 such as the ,royal ,caledonian ,ball1 the ,yorkshire1 the ,wiltshire1 and the ,somersetshire ,societies' ,balls4 ,on these occasions many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the balls4 ,when ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball1 they usually notify to the committee whether they will or will not undertake the duty of giving vouchers or tickets1 as the case may be4 ,some ball committees arrange that vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses1 to be subsequently exchanged for tickets1 signed and filled in with the name of the person to whom the ticket is given4 ,the lady patronesses in this case receive the money charged for the tickets1 and forward it to the committee after the ball1 with any tickets that they may not have disposed of4 ,the ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are generally those who possess a large acquaintance1 whose husbands are members of clubs2 therefore1 if any person ought to be tabooed for some good social reason1 the lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands' knowledge1 and are thus able to give a polite refusal when tickets are applied for for persons who are not altogether desirable4 ,it is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady patronesses of a large ball to keep it thoroughly select1 and if not very particular respecting those for whom tickets are granted1 a ball1 though a full one1 is likely to prove a very mixed affair1 if not somewhat objectionable1 by reason of the presence of persons to whom tickets should never have been granted1 on moral if not on social grounds2 and though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the increase of numbers1 through a general willingness on the part of the committee or the lady patronesses to grant tickets to every one who may apply for them1 yet such policy is very short-sighted1 and is seldom practised by those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter1 as it is fatal to the reputation of a ball if persons who are objectionable are present at it4 ,in the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of doubtful antecedents1 a lady patroness's best course is to refer the applicant to the ball committee for tickets or vouchers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,persons not well received in society1 or who have ostracised themselves1 have a predilection for public balls1 and make every effort to obtain tickets of admission2 and in some cases1 when a refusal has been pronounced by the committee of a ball1 the committee has been threatened with legal proceedings4 ,unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses1 it not being considered advisable to place the discretion of granting tickets in their hands1 lest their ignorance of the world should be taken advantage of4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the lady patronesses of a charity ball who undertake to give vouchers or to sell tickets1 usually exert themselves to the utmost in inducing as many of their friends as possible to attend the ball4 ,it depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether tickets are presented or not to the lady patronesses and stewards2 but if the funds of the charity are not at a very low ebb1 this is generally done in recognition of their services4 ,the responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription balls are light in comparison with those of public charity balls1 as persons who attend subscription balls are usually on the visiting lists of one or other of the lady patronesses1 while with regard to county balls1 lady patronesses are not usually concerned in the disposal of the tickets4 ,,chapter ,,xlii ,,periods ,,of ,,mourning ,the ,various ,periods of ,mourning for relatives have within the last few years been materially shortened1 and the change generally accepted2 but as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by custom1 in the present chapter both periods are given1 and it entirely depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which of the two periods is observed4 ,the time-honoured custom of wearing crape has greatly declined1 and with the exception of widows1 many do not wear it at all1 while others wear it as a trimming only4 ,a slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning colours1 which are now more worn than black and white during the half-mourning period4 99 99 99 99 99 ,court ,mourning when enjoined is imperative1 the orders respecting which are minutely given from the ,lord ,chamberlain's office and published in the official ,gazette2 but these orders only apply to persons connected with the ,court1 or to persons attending ,courts1 ,levees1 ,state ,balls1 ,state ,concerts1 etc4 ,when the order for general mourning is given on the death of any member of the ,royal ,family1 the order applies to all1 although it is optional whether the general public comply with it or not4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,longest ,period for a ,widow's ,mourning is two years4 ,the shorter period is eighteen months4 ,formerly crape was worn for one year and nine months2 for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered with crape4 ,the newer fashion in widows' mourning is to wear crape as a trimming only1 and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months1 while some few widows do not wear it at all during their mourning1 it being optional wear4 99 99 99 99 99 ,half-,mourning in the longer period commences after a year and nine months1 and is worn for three months4 ,in the shorter period half-mourning may commence after fifteen months1 and be continued for three months4 ,the period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a year and a day4 ,the veil may be crepe lisse or chiffon in place of crape4 ,it is now the fashion for young widows to wear the cap as a head-dress only1 while others do not wear it at all4 ,lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year1 or for six months only1 or not at all4 ,after the first year white neckbands and white strings to the bonnet may be worn4 ,also hats in place of bonnets4 ,further touches of white may follow during the next three months4 ,after a year gold ornaments may be worn2 diamonds earlier4 99 99 99 99 99 ,widowers should wear mourning for one year2 they usually enter society after three months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,parent the period of mourning is twelve months2 ten months black1 two months half-mourning1 or eight months black and four months half-mourning4 ,the black may be relieved with touches of white after three months4 ,crape is optional2 many prefer not to wear it at all1 others as a trimming4 ,diamonds--earrings1 brooches1 etc4--before gold1 at the end of three months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,son or ,daughter the period of mourning is identical with the foregoing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for very ,young ,children or ,infants the mourning is frequently shortened by half this period1 or even to three months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,stepmother4--,the period of mourning depends upon whether the stepdaughters reside at home or not1 or whether their father has been long married1 or whether their father's second wife has filled the place of mother to them1 in which case the period of mourning would be for twelve months1 otherwise the period is six months--four months black relieved with touches of white after two months1 followed by two months half-mourning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,brother or ,sister the longest period of mourning is six months1 the shortest period four months4 ,during the longest period1 viz4 six months1 black should be worn for five months1 with a little white after two months1 half-mourning for one month4 ,after one month diamonds1 pins1 and brooches1 etc42 gold after two months4 ,during the shortest period1 viz4 four months1 black should be worn for two months1 half-mourning two months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,sister-in-law or a ,brother-in-law the period of mourning was formerly the same as for a brother or sister1 but the four months' period is now the one usually chosen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,grandparent the longest period of mourning is six months1 the shortest four months4 ,during the longest period black should be worn for three months1 relieved with white after six weeks1 half-mourning for three months2 diamonds after one month1 gold after six weeks or two months4 ,during the shortest period black should be worn for two months1 half-mourning for two months4 ,the custom of wearing crape may now be said to have gone out of fashion as regards etiquette1 black being considered adequate mourning1 save in the case of widows4 ,the former crape periods were six months for parents and children1 three months for brothers and sisters1 three months for grandparents4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for an ,uncle or ,aunt the longest period of mourning is three months1 the shortest period six weeks4 ,during the longest period black 7no crape7 should be worn for two months1 half-mourning one month4 ,during the shortest period black for three weeks1 half-mourning for three weeks2 diamonds after three weeks4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,nephew or ,niece the periods of mourning are identical with the foregoing4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for an ,uncle or ,aunt by ,marriage the period is six weeks black1 or three weeks black and three weeks half-mourning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,great ,uncle or ,aunt the longest period is two months1 the shortest one month4 ,during the longest period black for one month1 half-mourning for one month4 ,during the shortest period black for one month4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,first ,cousin the longest period is six weeks1 the shortest one month4 ,during the longest period black for three weeks1 half-mourning for three weeks4 ,during the shortest period black for one month4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,second ,cousin three weeks black4 ,mourning for a second cousin is not obligatory1 but quite optional1 and often not worn4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,husband's ,relations the periods of mourning chosen are invariably the shorter ones4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,daughter-in-law or ,son-in-law the periods are now shortened to six months2 four months black and two months half-mourning1 or three months black and three months half-mourning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for the ,parents of a ,son-in-law or ,daughter-in-law the period is one month1 black4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for the ,parents of a ,first ,wife a second wife should wear mourning for one month1 black relieved with white4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,brother or ,sister of a ,first ,wife a second wife should wear mourning for three weeks1 but this is not obligatory1 and depends upon the intimacy existing between the two families4 99 99 99 99 99 ,much ,latitude is allowed to ,men with regard to the foregoing periods of mourning4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,hat-band should be worn during the whole of each period1 but it is not imperative to wear suits of black longer than half the periods given1 save in the case of widowers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,servants' ,mourning4--,it is customary to give servants mourning on the death of the head of the house1 which should be worn during the period the members of the family are in mourning4 ,mourning given to servants on the death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter4 99 99 99 99 99 ,seclusion from ,society4--,the question as to how soon persons in mourning should or should not re-enter society is in some measure an open one1 and is also influenced by the rules that govern the actual period of mourning adopted4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,widow is not expected to enter into ,society under three months1 and during that time she should neither accept invitations nor issue them4 ,her visiting should be confined to her relations and intimate friends4 ,after three months she should commence gradually to enter into society1 but balls and dances should be avoided during the first year4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,daughter mourning for a ,parent the period of seclusion is six weeks as far as general society is concerned2 but invitations to balls and dances should not be accepted until after six months4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,parent mourning for a ,son or ,daughter the period of seclusion is the same as is that of a daughter for a parent4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for a ,brother or ,sister the period of seclusion is three weeks4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for ,grandparents the period of seclusion is from a fortnight to three weeks4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for an ,uncle or ,aunt the period is a fortnight to three weeks4 99 99 99 99 99 ,for all ,other ,periods of ,mourning seclusion from society is not considered requisite4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when ,persons in ,mourning intend entering again into society1 they should leave cards on their friends and acquaintances as an intimation that they are equal to paying and receiving calls4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when ,cards of ,inquiry have been left1 viz4 visiting cards with ,to inquire after ,mrs4 ,a---- written on the top on right-hand corner of the cards1 they should be returned by cards with ,thanks for kind inquiries written upon them 7see ,chapter ,,iii474 ,until this intimation has been given1 society does not venture to intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning4 ,relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule4 99 99 99 99 99 ,funerals4--,when a death occurs in a family1 as soon as the day and hour for the funeral are fixed1 a member of the family should write to those relatives and friends it is desired should follow1 and should ask them to attend1 unless the date1 time1 and place of the funeral1 and the train by which to travel to the cemetery1 are mentioned in the newspaper1 together with the announcement of the death4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is a ,mistake to suppose that ,friends will offer to attend a funeral1 even if they are aware of the date fixed1 as they are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the family only1 or whether friends are to be included also4 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the ,country1 when a ,doctor has attended a family for some years1 it is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members4 ,in town this is seldom done1 unless a medical man is the intimate friend of the family4 ,in the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service1 but in town1 when the funeral takes place at ,kensal ,green1 ,brookwood ,cemetery1 or elsewhere1 a friend of the family is usually asked to officiate2 in which case it is necessary to make an early application at the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular hour4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it is customary for ,ladies to attend the funeral of a relative if disposed to do so1 in which case they wear their usual mourning attire1 and follow in their own carriages4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,doctor's ,certificate as to the cause of death is of primary importance1 and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment4 99 99 99 99 99 ,memorial ,cards should not be sent on the death of a relative1 being quite out of date as regards fashion and custom4 99 99 99 99 99 ,wreaths and ,crosses of white flowers are very generally sent by relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral1 unless ,no flowers1 by request follows the announcement of the death4 ,when the funeral takes place before two o'clock1 the friends should be invited to luncheon4 ,when it takes place in the afternoon1 they should be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment4 ,,chapter ,,xliii ,,engaged ,it greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of action accorded to a daughter during her engagement4 ,some entertain the strictest ideas on this head1 and strenuously put them in force4 ,by strict ideas is meant that an engaged couple1 except in the presence of a chaperon1 are never1 under any circumstances1 permitted to enjoy a tete-a-tete1 sit together1 walk together1 ride together1 or meet during any part of the day4 ,wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the consideration of parents1 neither granting too much nor withholding too much4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the length of an engagement determines in most instances the degree of latitude allowed4 ,if it is to last two months1 or even less1 it is usual to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society4 ,the circumstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position of the parents2 if wealthy1 and a country house is part of their possessions1 the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged to his daughter on a visit1 or one or two visits1 during the engagement4 ,or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight4 ,etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her near relatives at all public places of amusement4 ,if an engaged couple move in the same set1 they meet frequently at the houses of mutual friends2 they are sent in to dinner together when dining out4 ,to dance with each other at a ball1 or dance more than three or four times in succession1 and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories1 renders an engaged couple conspicuous1 and this is precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should avoid being1 and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they should run the gauntlet of general criticism4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the usual course for engaged couples to take is to go as little into society as possible during their engagement1 and to make the engagement as brief as circumstances will permit4 ,if from various causes it must of necessity be a long one1 the only alternative for an engaged couple is to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a mutual understanding will permit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,when an engagement is first announced1 if the families are not previously acquainted1 the father1 mother1 and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect at an early date1 to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family1 and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of the engagement4 ,the calls should be returned and the letters answered with the least possible delay4 ,the engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by the mother of the engaged young lady1 and if the announcement is to appear in the papers it should be sent by her4 ,the bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins4 ,when an engagement is broken off1 all letters and presents should be returned on both sides4 ,all wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise returned to the donors4 ,the mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern1 the fact that the engagement is at an end4 ,,chapter ,,xliv ,,silver ,,weddings ,the ,german custom of celebrating ,silver ,weddings has become thoroughly recognised in this country4 ,it is an interesting custom to celebrate the first twenty-five years of married life under the poetic title of a ,silver ,wedding1 but those who can do so must be for many reasons the few1 rather than the many2 ,royal personages1 and distinguished and prominent ones for instance1 and again1 those in humbler walks of life far from the madding crowd1 are also inclined to do so2 but the crowd that divides them1 formed of different classes and different sets in society1 will hardly avail itself of the opportunity of celebrating this period of married life4 ,husbands as a rule dislike the fuss and parade and prominency it entails1 and wives are disinclined to announce to their friends and acquaintances that they have been married five and twenty years1 and are consequently not so young as they were4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the entertainments given to celebrate a ,silver ,wedding are3 ,an afternoon reception and a dinner-party4 ,a dinner-party followed by an evening-party4 ,a dinner-party followed by a dance4 ,or a dinner-party only1 of some twenty or thirty covers4 ,the invitations are issued on at home cards some three weeks beforehand1 the cards being printed in silver1 and the words ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,white at home1 ,to celebrate their ,silver ,wedding printed on them1 with day and date1 etc4 ,the dinner cards should also be printed in silver1 with the words ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,white request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,black's company at dinner to celebrate their ,silver ,wedding1 etc4 ,for a dance the invitations should be worded ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,white at home1 ,to celebrate their ,silver ,wedding4 ,dancing printed in the corner of the card4 99 99 99 99 99 ,each person invited is expected to send a present in silver1 costly or trifling as the case may be1 whether the invitation is accepted or not4 ,these presents should be exhibited in the drawing-room on the day of the ,silver ,wedding with a card attached to each bearing the name of the giver4 ,at the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive the congratulations of their friends as they arrive4 ,they enter the tea-room together almost immediately afterwards followed by those guests who have arrived4 ,refreshments are served as at an afternoon wedding tea4 7,see page #adc7 ,a large wedding-cake is placed in the centre of the table1 and the wife makes the first cut in it as a bride would do4 ,the health of the husband and wife is then proposed by one of the guests1 drunk in champagne1 and responded to by the husband4 ,at the dinner-party the husband and wife go in to dinner together1 followed by their guests1 who are sent in according to precedency4 ,the health of the husband and wife is proposed at dessert and responded to4 ,a wedding-cake occupies a prominent place on the table1 and the dinner-table decorations consist of white flowers interspersed with silver4 99 99 99 99 99 ,at the ,silver ,wedding dance1 the husband and wife dance the first dance together1 and subsequently lead the way into the supper-room arm-in-arm1 and later on their health is proposed by the principal guest present4 ,the wife should wear white and silver1 or grey and silver4 ,in the country1 when a ,silver ,wedding is celebrated1 the festivities sometimes range over three days1 but this only in the case of prominent and wealthy people2 balls1 dinners1 and school-treats being given1 in which the neighbours1 tenants1 villagers and servants take part4 99 99 99 99 99 ,golden ,weddings4--,the celebration of a ,golden ,wedding is rather an ,english custom1 and one that from circumstances can be but seldom observed4 ,it denotes that fifty years of married life have passed over the heads of husband and wife1 and is a solemn rather than a festive epoch4 ,presents on this occasion are not so generally given1 and children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances make up the circle of those who offer congratulations4 ,,chapter ,,xlv ,,subscription ,,dances ,subscription dances are now an established fact1 but whether they will ever really become a rival to the dance proper remains to be seen2 yet as they supply a want felt1 and are recognised by society1 the arrangements necessary for carrying them out should be duly noted4 ,during the winter months they are a feature in certain sets3 ,subscription dances1 private ,subscription dances and public ,subscription dances1 the latter got up for charitable purposes4 ,the moderate expenses incurred by giving private ,subscription dances commend them to many1 and there are other reasons to account for their popularity4 ,they are without pretension to being considered smart or exclusive1 and are essentially small and early dances4 ,fashionable ball-goers are not expected to attend them4 ,they commence at #i o'clock and terminate at #ab1 light refreshments in lieu of supper are provided1 as at an afternoon at home4 7,see p4 #aec47 ,a piano band is considered sufficient for the purpose1 and floral decorations are scarcely ever attempted4 ,the invitations are issued on at home cards1 with the words ,subscription ,dance printed in one corner4 99 99 99 99 99 ,subscription dances are sometimes invitation dances and sometimes not4 ,tickets for these dances are charged for singly or by the series as the case may be4 ,a certain number of ladies form a committee and agree to give a certain number of dances1 and the expenses are either borne by the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of the tickets4 ,if invitation dances1 a certain number of invitations are allotted to each lady4 ,when otherwise1 the ladies dispose of the tickets among their friends4 ,these dances are usually held in a mansion hired for the purpose1 and there are several available in different parts of the ,west ,end1 where spacious rooms can be hired on very moderate terms2 in some instances a piano1 seats1 and other accessories are also included4 99 99 99 99 99 ,public ,subscription dances are held in public rooms or ,town ,halls1 and vouchers are given by ladies on the committee previous to tickets being granted4 ,the same etiquette holds good at ,subscription dances as at other public dances4 ,the early hour at which these dances take place recommends them to some and altogether renders them impossible to others1 notably to those who dine late1 and who are not inclined to dance at nine o'clock or even at ten o'clock1 and who rather resent the frugal style of refreshments offered1 and consider that a champagne supper is an indispensable adjunct to a dance4 ,it should be remembered that ,subscription dances were first originated for the amusement of very young people1 and it was never expected that they would compete with the fashionable small dances of the day2 their popularity was a surprise1 and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them in contempt there are others less fashionable and less wealthy who find them very much to their taste4 ,the great difficulty1 however1 that ladies have to contend with is the fact that very few men can be induced to attend them1 and that those who do accept invitations or purchase tickets are very young men1 who have their way to make in the world1 and are as yet on the lower rungs of the ladder1 and as young ladies are very much in the majority at these ,subscription dances1 to dance with partners younger than themselves is an almost inevitable result for those who are no longer in their teens4 ,,chapter ,,xlvi ,,giving ,,presents ,as regards presents in general it should be understood that a present demands a note of thanks in all cases when the thanks cannot be verbally expressed4 ,the notes to slight acquaintances should be written in the third person4 ,to friends1 in the first person4 ,this applies equally to presents of game1 poultry1 fruit1 or flowers4 ,some few people entertain the erroneous idea that presents of this nature do not require thanks4 ,this is not only ungracious but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver as to whether the present sent has been duly received4 99 99 99 99 99 ,wedding ,presents4--,when an engagement has been duly announced to relatives and friends1 and it is understood that it is to be a short one1 wedding presents may be sent until the day before the wedding-day1 and the earlier they are sent the more convenient it is for the bride1 as she is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver4 ,in each case a letter should be sent with the present expressing the congratulations and best wishes of the donor1 and1 if possible1 a card with the name of the giver should be attached to it for identification when the presents are exhibited4 ,the friends of the bridegroom1 and unacquainted with the bride1 should send their presents to him1 and he should send them to the house of the bride's mother after having written notes of thanks to the givers4 99 99 99 99 99 ,christening ,presents4--,with regard to christening presents the godfathers and godmothers are expected to make presents to their godchild2 these should be sent the day before the christening1 and should consist of a silver mug and silver fork and spoon from the godfathers1 while a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from the godmothers4 ,a present of money from #es4 to ,l#a should be made to the nurse on the day of the christening when the godparents are relatives1 but oftener than not the sponsors are represented by proxy4 99 99 99 99 99 ,giving ,tips to ,servants4--,the tips expected from ladies at the conclusion of a visit of some days1 are3 ,to the head housemaid from #bs4 #f;d4 to #es4 according to the length of the visit4 ,the same to the butler or single-handed man servant1 and the same to the chauffeur4 ,young ladies give less when visiting by themselves4 ,the tips expected from gentlemen are3 ,to the butler or footman who valets them1 to the chauffeur if he drives them to and from the station1 to the groom if he takes charge of their hunters1 also to the head housemaid4 ,the tip to the butler or footman who acts as valet is for a long visit from #es4 to #ajs41 and for a short visit from #cs4 to #es4 ,to the chauffeur #es4 in the first case1 and from #bs4 #f;d4 to #es4 in the second4 ,to the housemaid1 #bs4 #f;d4 to #es4 ,for tips to gamekeeper1 see p4 #bbc4 ,the tips given to hotel servants vary according to the length of the visit4 ,to the head waiter from #es4 to #ajs4 ,to the second waiter from #bs4 #f;d4 to #es4 ,to the hall porter1 #bs4 to #cs4 ,to the luggage porter1 #as4 to #bs4 ,to the head housemaid in attendance1 #bs4 #f;d4 to #ds4 ,,chapter ,,xlvii ,,christening ,,parties ,christening ,parties may be said to be strictly family gatherings1 only the near relatives of the parents being invited on these occasions4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,invitations are given in friendly notes1 and are not issued on at home cards4 ,the notice averages from a week to ten days according to circumstances1 meaning the health and strength of the infant's mother4 99 99 99 99 99 ,as a ,rule ,six ,weeks are allowed to elapse between the birth of the child and the date of the christening4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,relatives are either invited to luncheon after the ceremony1 or to a reception tea1 or to a dinner-party to be given the same evening4 ,if a luncheon is decided upon it generally takes place at #a4cj1 or earlier1 immediately on the return from the church4 ,the meal usually consists of hot viands--game or poultry--not substantial joints4 ,hot and cold sweets4 ,fruit to follow4 ,a smart christening cake should occupy the centre of the table4 ,champagne1 claret1 and sherry are given1 although the former is probably the only one of the three drunk on the occasion2 this1 when the health of the infant is proposed--the only health which finds acceptance at these gatherings4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,guests go in to ,luncheon quite informally1 the ladies and hostess entering first1 followed by the men guests and the host4 ,they should be seated at table by the help of name cards1 each lady being placed at the right hand of a gentleman4 ,the clergyman who performs the ceremony1 if a friend1 should sit at the hostess's left hand1 and should be asked to say grace2 but in town he seldom joins these family gatherings unless well acquainted with his parishioners4 99 99 99 99 99 ,a ,reception ,tea1 when given1 is served in the dining-room2 but in this case the guests are received on arrival by the hostess in the drawing-room1 and when all have arrived1 she accompanies them to the tea-room and remains there with them4 ,the maid-servants should pour out and hand the tea and coffee across the tea-table1 but the hostess should hand the cakes1 etc41 to her relatives1 assisted by the host1 if present4 ,the refreshments consist of the usual variety in confectionery seen at all smart at homes1 a christening cake being the addition4 99 99 99 99 99 ,christening ,dinner-,parties closely resemble all other family functions of this nature1 with the exception that the infant's health is drunk at dessert1 and that a christening cake is placed opposite the hostess when the table is cleared for dessert4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the ,christening ,ceremony takes place in the afternoon1 usually at #b4cj4 ,the relatives on arrival at the church seat themselves in pews or on chairs near to the font4 ,the godmother holds the infant during the first part of the service1 and then places it on the left arm of the officiating clergyman4 ,one of the godfathers should name the child in response to the clergyman's question4 ,if the child is a girl1 two godmothers and one godfather are necessary4 ,if a boy1 two godfathers and one godmother are required4 ,these godparents are usually the intimate friends of the child's mother4 ,in certain instances the relatives are chosen for the office of godfather and godmother1 but oftener not for family reasons4 99 99 99 99 99 ,christening ,presents vary according to means and inclination1 and often comprise gifts of jewellery when the infant is a girl1 and money and silver plate if a boy2 silver spoons1 forks1 mugs1 bowls1 etc4 ,the selection is a wide one1 and nothing comes amiss1 from a robe with fine lace to a chain and pendant or a jewelled watch4 ,these presents are usually sent the day previous to that of the christening4 99 99 99 99 99 ,fees and ,tips4--,only minor fees are given to those assisting at the ceremony4 ,the officiating priest receives some little gift in old silver or china1 but not of money2 if1 however1 the parents of the child are wealthy a cheque is sometimes given with a request that he will devote it to the needs of his parish4 ,tips to the nurse from the child's godparents vary from five shillings to a sovereign according to individual means4 ,,index ,,afternoon at homes1 #aea ,afternoon dances1 #aeg ,afternoon tea1 #db ,afternoon weddings1 #bh ,amusements at children's parties1 #aib2 at country-house parties1 #bae2 at garden-parties1 #afi ,at home days1 #aei2 at homes1 #aea1 #bch ,,bachelors' ,balls1 #hg ,balls1 #hg2 patronesses of1 #bci ,best man1 duties of1 #aca ,bowing1 #bjf ,breakfasts1 #ahc ,bridal wreath1 #ada ,bride1 #aca1 #acc1 #adj ,bridegroom's relatives1 #acc ,bridegroom's responsibilities1 #acj1 #ada1 #adf1 #adi ,bridesmaids1 #acb2 presents to1 #adg ,bride's relatives1 #acb ,bridge parties1 #abe1 #aeh2 refreshments at1 #abf2 teas1 #aeh ,,calls1 paying1 #cb2 after entertainments1 #aac ,canoe parties1 #ahi ,cards1 gentlemen's1 #bg2 ladies1 #ai2 memorial1 #ca2 ,p4,p4,c41 #bf ,cards1 leaving1 #ai2 after entertainments1 #bd1 #bh2 on new-comers1 #be2 returning1 #bc2 routine of leaving1 #ba1 #bh2 to inquire1 #bf ,chaperons1 #bbh ,charity ,balls1 #ic ,christening luncheons and teas1 #bfb2 parties1 #bfa2 presents1 #bfj1 #bfc ,clergy1 how to address1 #ei ,cockades1 #bji ,colonial etiquette1 #afa ,county ,balls1 #ic ,country dinner-parties1 #aad ,country-house visits1 #baa ,court1 attending1 #gc2 presentation at1 #gc ,court dress for gentlemen1 #he2 for ladies1 #hj ,cricket matches1 #afh ,,dances1 invitation1 #bef2 public1 #beg ,debutantes1 #bbh ,diner a la ,russe1 #ajf ,dining out1 #ajj ,dinner guests1 #aja ,dinner invitations1 #ii ,dinner-table decorations1 #ajg2 etiquette1 #ajh1 #aaf ,drawing-room1 retiring to1 #aaa ,drawing-rooms at ,viceregal ,court1 ,dublin1 #bbi ,driving1 #bjc ,,engagements1 #bej2 etiquette of1 #bea2 presents1 #adg ,entree at ,court1 #gg ,etiquette1 #a2 at balls1 #ia2 at dinner-table1 #ajh1 #aaf2 colonial1 #afa2 ,indian1 #afd2 in regard to royalty1 #fa2 of visiting at bachelors' houses1 #bag2 when travelling abroad1 #fe ,evening parties1 #abb2 garden-parties1 #agd ,,foreigners of rank1 how to address1 #eg ,funerals1 #bdh ,funeral wreaths1 #bdi ,,gamekeepers1 tips to1 #bbc ,game licence1 #bbd ,garden-parties1 #aff2 in the evening1 #agd2 in town1 #aga ,giving presents1 #bei ,going in to luncheon1 #ahj2 to supper1 #abc1 #abf ,golden weddings1 #bee ,gratuities to servants1 #ig1 #aac1 #aef1 #bbc1 #bfj1 #bfc ,,honeymoon1 #ada ,hostesses1 #bcd ,hunt ,balls1 #hg1 #ie ,hunt breakfasts1 #bba ,hunting1 #bai ,,indian etiquette1 #afd ,introductions1 #f2 correct formula for1 #h2 at afternoon calls1 #ag2 at country-house parties1 #aa2 at dinner-parties1 #i2 at evening parties1 #abc2 at ,public ,balls1 #ab1 #ij ,invitations1 #if1 #abb1 #abe1 #aeb1 #afg1 #agg1 #aid ,,juvenile parties1 #aij ,,ladies in the hunting-field1 #bai ,levee dress1 #he ,levees1 #hb2 at ,viceregal ,court1 ,dublin1 #bcb2 presentations at1 #hd2 who may attend1 #hc ,licences1 marriage1 #abh ,luncheons1 #agf ,,marriage by banns1 #abh2 by licence1 #abh1 #adh2 fees1 #abi1 #adh ,memorial cards1 #bdi ,menus1 #ajf1 #aci ,military ,balls1 #hg1 #ie ,mourning1 #bdb2 ,court1 #bdb ,,not at home1 #da ,,officers1 how to address1 #ei ,opening a ball1 #ij ,,patronesses of ,public ,balls1 #bci ,pheasant shooting1 #bbb ,picnics1 #ahf ,plumes in ,court dress1 #ha ,politeness1 graces of1 #d ,precedency amongst royalty1 #dd1 #ej2 at ball suppers1 #ia2 at dinner-parties1 #di1 #aje2 of ambassadors and diplomats1 #de2 of army and navy1 #de2 of baronets and knights1 #de1 #ea2 of bishops1 #ea2 of clergy1 #de1 #dh2 of esquires1 #dh2 of ladies1 #eb2 of legal profession1 #de1 #dh2 of peers1 #ej2 of widows1 #df ,presentation at ,court1 #gc2 at foreign ,courts1 #fe2 at levees1 #hb2 at ,viceregal ,court1 ,dublin1 #bbi ,presents1 christening1 #bfj2 giving1 #bei2 wedding1 #acj1 #ada1 #bei ,public ,balls1 #hg ,,receiving guests1 #aja1 #abc1 #aed1 #bcd ,refreshments for at homes1 #aec2 at bridge parties1 #abf2 at children's parties1 #aid ,refusing invitations1 #bjj ,responsibilities of patronesses1 #bci ,riding1 #bjd ,royal guests present1 #ij1 #abc ,royalty1 how to address1 #ec ,,saying grace1 #aad ,sending in to dinner1 #ajc ,shaking hands1 #bbe ,shooting1 #bai ,signing the register1 #acd ,silver weddings1 #bec ,state ,balls1 #ig ,state mourning1 #ig ,subscription dances1 #bef ,supper1 going in to1 #abc ,surnames of peculiar pronunciation1 #fi ,,tea for afternoon callers1 #db ,titles1 how to use in speaking1 #ec ,town garden-parties1 #aga ,trousseau1 #ada ,,undesired introductions1 #f ,,walking1 #bjb ,water parties1 #ahh ,wedding cake1 #acg1 #adb2 cards1 #adb2 etiquette1 #abi2 expenses1 #adf2 favours1 #acd2 fees1 #abi1 #adh2 golden1 #bee2 invitations1 #abi2 luncheon1 #acg2 of widow1 #acd2 presents1 #acj1 #ada1 #bei2 receptions1 #acf1 #adc2 ring1 #acj2 service1 #aca2 silver1 #bec ,widow's wedding1 #acd ,writing invitations1 #aie ,,the ,,end ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,passages in italics are indicated by underscore4 ,passages in bold style are indicated by bold4 ,currency symbols such as ,l1 d41 and s4 are italicised in the original text1 this format has been removed in the current text version for a smoother reading experience4 ,coburn 7page #gj7 and ,pytch'ley 7page #ga7 have diacritical marks4 ,they are marked as o which represents a marcron 7straight line7 above the o and y which represents a macron above the y4 ,the following words have been retained in both versions3 table-cloth and tablecloth out-door and outdoor solemnized and solemnised ,the following misprints have been corrected3 changed ,,at ,,the ,,vice-,,regal ,,court1 into ,,at ,,the ,,viceregal ,,court1 page viii changed refusal1 and the profered into refusal1 and the proffered page #h changed by a manservant or into by a man-servant or page #ba changed to the manservant silently1 into to the man-servant silently1 page #bb changed ,villiers into ,villiers4 page #gb changed a tablespoon for soup1 into a table-spoon for soup1 page #ajh changed a box of bonbons1 into a box of bon-bons1 page #abe changed chickens1 game1 mayonaises1 into chickens1 game1 mayonnaises1 page #aci changed at dinner-table1 #hj1 #aaf2 into at dinner-table1 #ajh1 #aaf2 page #bff changed ,levees1 #hb1 into ,levees1 #hb2 page #bff ,other than the corrections listed above1 printer's inconsistencies in spelling1 punctuation1 hyphenation1 and ligature usage have been retained4