,transcriber's ,note3      ,this etext  
was produced from ,analog ,science ,fact
  ,fiction ,september     #aifc4        
,extensive research did not uncover any 
evidence that the ,u4,s4     copyright  
on this publication was renewed4        
,,am ,i ,,still ,,there8                
,which must in essence1 of course1      
simply be the question ,what do ,i      
mean by ',i'8                           
by ,,james ,r4 ,,hall                   
,,illustrated ,,by ,,leo ,,summers      
,illustration         99       99       
99       99       99     ,lee slid off  
the examining table and began buttoning 
his shirt4 ,he had had a medical        
examination every six months of his     
adult life1 and it always seemed strange
 to him that1 despite the banks of      
machines the doctor had which could     
practically map a man from a single cell
 outward1 each examination always       
entailed the cold end of a stethoscope  
against his chest4  ,he tucked his shirt
 into his pants and turned to the       

examining doctor who was writing on a   
chart4  ,well8 ,lee asked him4  ,sound  
as a dollar1 replied the doctor4 ,of    
course ,dr4 ,flotman or ,dr4 ,roberts   
might turn up something on their        
electronic monsters1 but ,i see no      
reason why we can't go ahead on         
schedule4  ,lee felt relieved4 ,even    
while being examined by technicians1    
,m4,d4's and biologists1 he had been    
conscious of the hundreds of little dull
 pains which had nibbled like mice in   
every corner of his brain4 ,sometimes he
 felt like a piece of his brain was     
being completely smothered1 a horrible  
sensation of having a part of his head  
severed from him4 ,this would go away1  
but would appear again in a different   
area1 usually in about fifteen to thirty
 minutes4 ,well1 the doctor said he was 
fit for surgery4 ,that would end this   
nagging pain1 just as it always had in  
the past4  444 ,if you're ready now4    
,lee became aware the doctor was        
speaking to him4  ,oh1 ,lee said4 ,he   

had no idea what the doctor was talking 
about4 ,i'm sorry1 ,i guess ,i didn't   
hear what you said--  ,the doctor smiled
 tolerantly4 ,i said you can see ,dr4   
,letzmiller this afternoon to get the   
final ,o4,k4  ,letzmiller8 ,who's he8 ,i
 thought you said ,i was ready to go4   
,lee knew he sounded a little petulant1 
but he was tired from all these         
examinations1 and besides1 his head     
hurt4  ,the doctor1 ,gorss1 ,lee thought
 his name was1 was rather young but     
seemed used to this kind of thing4 ,he  
turned on his tolerant smile again4 ,dr4
 ,letzmiller is chief of the            
,familiarization and ,post-,operative   
,adjustment ,section4 ,he can explain   
himself better when you see him4  ,is he
 the last one8 ,lee asked4 ,he was      
already following ,dr4 ,gorss out the   
door and down a corridor4  ,dr4 ,gorss  
stopped before a door marked ,dr4 ,c4   
,l4 ,letzmiller1 and opened it4 ,the    
last one4 ,you take these1 he handed    
,lee a thick manila folder1 and tell the

 girl ,dr4 ,gorss sent you for your     
interview4 ,he waited until ,lee had    
entered1 then closed the door and left4 
99       99       99       99       99  
,evidently ,dr4 ,letzmiller had been    
expecting him1 for very shortly ,lee    
found himself sitting at the doctor's   
desk1 comfortably seated in a brown     
leather armchair4 ,he was facing a      
rather pudgy man1 who was leafing       
through the manila folder ,lee had given
 him4 ,finally ,dr4 ,letzmiller looked  
up4  ,well4 ,well now1 ,mr4 ,lee1       
suppose you first tell me about         
yourself1 and then ,i'll tell you about 
me4  ,tell you about me8 ,lee asked4    
,dr4 ,letzmiller smiled4 ,it was another
 tolerant smile1 but it seemed more     
sincere than ,gorss'4 ,i suppose the    
best way would be for me to review these
 facts on your medical history4 ,you are
 ,vincent ,bonard ,lee8  ,yes1 sir4     
,date of birth8  ,august #aa1 #aicd4    
,that would make you four hundred nine  
years old4  ,lee hesitated4 ,he never   

really thought of his age4 ,it had long 
ago ceased to be of any importance to   
him4 ,of course he remembered his birth 
date4 ,it was one of those facts that   
always appears on your records1 like    
your social security number4 ,he did    
some calculation in his head1 as rapidly
 as the constantly shifting blank spots 
in his thinking would allow him4  ,yes1 
sir4  ,it shows here that you first     
underwent replacive surgery in #aiia4   
,correct8  ,yes4  ,remember what it was 
for8  ,yes1 ,i had heart trouble4 ,they 
fixed me up with one of those big jobs  
requiring my carrying batteries under my
 armpit4  ,one of those early models4   
,and this shows that at various times   
since then you have undergone replacive 
surgery some eighty-seven times1        
including three replacements of a       
pulmonary nature4  ,again ,lee          
hesitated4 ,the number of times he had  
had a worn organ or tissue repaired or  
replaced was more than a little hazy4   
,after the novelty of the first few     

times when he found himself with a new  
stomach1 or liver1 or muscle1 he had    
started to take these things as a matter
 of course4 ,he gave a little nervous   
laugh4 ,if that paper says so1 ,i       
suppose so1 doctor4  ,yes4 ,well1       
everything seems to be functioning      
properly now1 doesn't it8 ,with the     
exception of your head1 of course4      
,yes1 yes ,i feel fine otherwise4 ,lee  
was feeling uncomfortable4 ,doctor1     
could you tell me what this is all      
about8 ,i must have answered these      
questions half a dozen times before to  
those other people4  ,in just a moment4 
,first ,i need to know you a little     
better4 ,your medical history lists your
 occupation as 'cabinet maker'4  ,that's
 right4 ,lee was becoming more and more 
uncomfortable4 ,the extensive           
examinations had tired him1 and         
repetition of the answers to all these  
questions was making him edgy4  ,doctor1
 can't you at least tell me what type   
operation ,i'm going to have8  ,what do 

you think it will be8  ,i don't know4   
,some sort of repair on my head1 ,i     
guess4  ,mr4 ,lee1 this isn't going to  
be a matter of repair4 ,we have found it
 necessary to replace the entirety of   
what could roughly be called your       
'brain'1 as well as part of the spinal  
cord4  ,my whole brain8 ,lee sat1       
stunned1 comprehension slowly filtering 
into him4 ,he voiced the only coherent  
thought which materialized4 ,why that   
will mean there won't be anything left  
of me at all4  ,dr4 ,letzmiller regarded
 him4 ,what do you mean8  ,doc1 you've  
got my records there4 ,at one time or   
another1 since they first put a new     
heart in me1 every single inch of me has
 been replaced by an artificial part4 ,i
 mean all of me4 ,there's not one bit of
 me1 heart1 eyes1 toenails1 nothing1    
that is me4 ,that bothered me quite a   
bit when this left eye was put in4 ,i   
mean ,i thought1 ',well1 this isn't me4 
,this is my brain walking around in a   
jumble of artificial flesh4' ,i tell you

 it bothered me4 ,but ,i went to a      
doctor1 you know1 a psychoanalyst1 and  
he convinced me that as long as ,i had  
what he called a 'sense of identity'1   
that ,i was me4 ,lee stopped4 ,how could
 he explain it8  ,but ,letzmiller seemed
 to understand4 ,and you think that your
 brain is all that is left of 'you'8    
,doc1 it's a funny feeling4 ,like this4 
,lee raised his hands1 brought them     
together and touched his fingertips4    
,see that8 ,i can raise those hands4 ,i 
can make them touch each other4 ,i can  
feel them touching each other4 ,but it  
is just not quite right4 ,it's just a   
little bit off key1 like one trumpet    
player out of twenty being about        
one-sixteenth of a note flat4 ,know what
 ,i mean8  ,i think ,i do1 said         
,letzmiller1 nodding slowly4 ,now1 just 
what does that have to do with your     
operation8  ,doctor-- ,lee had to stop1 
for the patchwork quilt of blank spaces 
was dancing in his head4 ,the           
helplessness went away1 slowly1 like    

smoke drifting from a fire4 ,as his mind
 cleared1 he realized that he didn't    
know why he was being interviewed by    
this doctor4  ,anything wrong8 ,dr4     
,letzmiller asked4  ,lee knew he wasn't 
being too coherent1 jumping about with  
the conversation this way1 but he asked 
the question1 anyway4 ,doc1 why am ,i   
seeing you8  ,you haven't guessed8  ,no4
  ,the doctor paused to light a         
half-gone cigar4 ,my job here at        
,merkins ,replacive is to deal with just
 such fears as you have expressed4 ,i'm 
an ,m4,d4 and a psychologist1           
and--,letzmiller smiled to himself--a   
kind of historian4  ,historian8  ,well1 
you see ,i was supposed to give you the 
regular formal lecture on the history of
 replacive surgery when you first came  
in4 ,like to hear it8  ,lee nodded1 so  
,letzmiller continued4 ,replacive       
surgery is actually quite old4 ,old as  
medicine itself1 ,i suppose4 ,very early
 attempts at dentures were tried1 though
 with little success4 ,and1 of course1  

peg legs and hooks for persons who had  
lost their hands might be called        
replacive surgery1 though they were very
 crude4 ,later on came more refined     
dentures1 artificial limbs1 corrective  
lenses1 skull plates1 hearing aids1     
plastic or cosmetic surgery1 blood      
transfusions1 all types of skin grafts1 
et cetera4  ,the #aiejs saw the         
beginning of bone and corneal           
transplants1 use of plastics in         
arteries1 those huge heart-lung and     
kidney machines1 implantation of        
electrodes in the heart to steady its   
beat--many things which were mostly     
emergency or stop-gap measures4 ,all    
through the late #aijjs refinements     
continued to be made1 but it wasn't     
until #aihh that the fathers of         
replacive surgery1 ,doctors ,mills1     
,levinson and ,mc,carty made the        
breakthrough that revolutionized the    
whole concept4 ,in very simplified      
language they unlocked the key to       
producing specialized living tissue     

through a bombardment of an extremely   
complex carbon compound with amino acids
 and electricity1 then making it        
selective in function by a fantastically
 intricate application of radiation4    
,that pulmonary replacement you received
 in #aiia was undoubtedly one of the    
first successes4 ,you were quite lucky1 
you know4 ,up until #bjag1 only about   
five per cent of their synthesized      
hearts lasted more than thirty days4 ,at
 any rate1 the principle was            
established1 and it was proven that it  
could work4 ,most of our work from then 
till a few years ago has been in        
improving and refining the work those   
three good doctors did over three       
hundred years ago4  ,letzmiller's cigar 
had gone out1 and he discarded it in    
favor of a cigarette4 ,that would be the
 end of my history lecture1 if it were  
not for the nature of your trouble4     
,lee looked at him closely4 ,why's that8
  ,well1 ,mr4 ,lee1 the big thing       
missing in that summation is the        

seemingly impossible task of            
synthesizing nerve tissue1 especially   
that of the cerebral cortex4 ,it's been 
approximated1 at any rate closely enough
 to give us good enough results to allow
 an artificial tissue to respond to     
brain signals about ninety-eight per    
cent as well as the original would4 ,but
 actual duplication8 ,no4 ,at least not 
until about three years ago4 ,to tell   
you the truth1 it is barely out of the  
experimental stage4  ,experimental6     
99       99       99       99       99  
,yes1 this will be the first complete   
replacement of a human brain4 ,oh1 of   
course it has been done with animals1   
and it has been successful with partial 
replacements on humans4 ,but you will   
have the honor of being the first human 
with a complete substitution4  ,lee     
could not contain himself4 ,doc1 that's 
just it6 ,there won't be a single atom  
of me except what you fellows have      
conjured up--  ,letzmiller broke in     
mildly4 ,i think 'conjured' is hardly   

the proper word1 ,mr4 ,lee4  ,well1 of  
course1 ,i didn't mean that4 ,but don't 
you see what ,i'm driving at8 ,you could
 just as well start from scratch and    
duplicate me without bothering about    
going about it piecemeal4 ,and what does
 that make me8  ,the doctor had been    
looking at ,lee intently1 studying him  
through this outburst4 ,i think ,i see  
what you mean4 ,and ,i can't answer you4
 ,the question you raise may be         
philosophical1 or metaphysical1 but it  
certainly isn't medical4 ,and from a    
doctor's point of view complete         
substitution is the only course open1   
risky as it may seem4  ,lee mulled this 
over4 ,of course he knew surgery was the
 only solution to his decaying          
mentality1 actually the only alternative
 to his becoming a virtual idiot1 and1  
shortly after that1 dead4 ,and he did   
not want to die4 ,he had lived a long   
time1 but thanks to the methods of      
,letzmiller1 ,gorss1 and all their      
predecessors1 he was as full of juice as

 he had been at thirty-five4 ,but the   
question that kept plaguing him         
,letzmiller seemed determined to avoid4 
,he didn't understand very much about   
replacive surgery1 really didn't care   
to4 ,if ,letzmiller said it could work1 
then he wasn't worried about that4      
,well1 he guessed he really didn't have 
much choice4 ,with this realization1 he 
had only one more question for          
,letzmiller4  ,doc1 if ,i'm not me when 
this is over1 do you think ,i'll know   
it8  ,letzmiller looked at ,lee's       
troubled face4 ,do you think that you   
would want to8  ,lee answered slowly4   
,no1 no ,i guess not4  ,letzmiller rose 
from his chair4 ,i'll talk to you again 
after the operation4 ,do you think      
you're ready to go to your room now8    
,lee nodded and obediently followed the 
doctor4         99       99       99    
99       99  ,lee was asleep when the   
nurse came1 but with the efficiency of  
all good nurses since time immemorial1  
she woke him to give him the sedative to

 prepare him for surgery4 ,she chattered
 brightly as she prepared the           
hypodermic4  ,you know1 you have all the
 nurses speculating1 ,mr4 ,lee4 ,i mean 
we're wondering just what ,dr4 ,lakin1  
he's the anesthesiologist1 is going to  
use for you when you won't have any     
brain for the anesthesia to work on4    
,she stopped1 the needle poised above   
,lee's arm1 realizing the inaptness of  
her remark4 ,oh4 ,i shouldn't have said 
that4  ,no1 that's all right1 said ,lee4
 ,i've already reconciled myself to     
being the headless horseman for a while4
 ,he had1 too1 although it was          
wonderfully strange to think of himself 
lying on the operating table with a     
cavity where he right now thought1 felt1
 knew that he was a person4         99  
99       99       99       99  ,lee     
didn't actually lie on the table in the 
literal sense4 ,the table was inclined  
to about forty-five degrees1 with his   
head exposed and supported by a clamp on
 the cheek and jaw bones4 ,this         

arrangement was necessary to allow the  
waiting machinery access to the area    
where it would perform4  ,physicians1   
surgeons1 biologists and the like were  
gathered in the amphitheater to see a   
bit of medical history4 ,actually there 
wasn't much to see4 ,a team of          
technicians1 radiologists and surgeons  
were working around ,lee4 ,some were    
attaching electrodes to parts of ,lee's 
body to maintain the electrical impulses
 necessary to keep his vital processes  
in motion while the main switchboard was
 out of commission4 ,others were        
sensitizing the exposed brain1 from     
which the skull had already been        
removed1 to guide the delicate fingers  
of the huge automatic ,operating1       
,recording and ,calculating ,complex    
through its precisely programmed steps4 
,letzmiller was among those in the      
amphitheater1 as a spectator1 drawn both
 by professional curiosity and a desire 
to know the answer to ,lee's question1  
,doc1 what will there be left of me8 ,of

 course he couldn't find out even part  
of the answer for some weeks4 ,even the 
,,orc complex1 now being fitted to      
,lee's unconscious brain1 adjusted and  
activated1 would not finish with its job
 for something like thirty-two hours4   
,the synthesizer would reconvert the    
data1 translate it into countless       
chemical and electrical formulae1 and   
apply it to the raw material of carbons1
 amino acids1 proteins1 and other       
components4 ,when the basic organ had   
been reconstructed1 a process requiring 
another week and a half in the          
synthesizer1 it would be grafted back4  
,the nerve lead-ins would then be       
reconnected1 one by one1 spaced at      
intervals to avoid shock4 ,lee would be 
unconscious the whole time1 of course4  
,or rather ,lee would be unconscious    
part of the time4 ,most of the time he  
wouldn't have the capacity for either   
consciousness or the lack of it4  ,dr4  
,letzmiller observed the huge ,,orc     
complex for a time1 but there wasn't    

anything to see4 ,it simply sat over    
,lee1 doing its job4 ,unwanted1 the     
thought came to ,letzmiller that the    
machine looked like a frog with a long  
worm dangling from its mouth4 ,lee was  
the worm4         99       99       99  
99       99  ,you can talk to him now1  
doctor4 ,oldenreid1 ,surgeon in ,charge1
 addressed ,letzmiller outside ,lee's   
room where he had just finished his     
examination4 ,personally1 ,i think      
things went exactly as they should4 ,all
 physical and mental responses check    
out4 ,i guess here's where ,i'm finished
 and you go to work4  ,lee was sitting  
up in bed as ,letzmiller entered4 ,he   
looked just like he had in ,letzmiller's
 office before the operation1 except for
 the small white bandages around his    
head to protect his healing skull4      
,well1 the doctor said1 how do you feel8
 ,your head hurt8         99       99   
99       99       99  ,letzmiller       
checked at ,oldenreid's office1 and was 
admitted to give his report1 as had been

 planned4  ,well8 asked ,oldenreid4     
,letzmiller lit the end of his cigar    
before answering4 ,i wholly agree with  
you4 ,everything seems to have worked   
out exactly according to plan4 ,i found 
him essentially the same as he appeared 
to me during his pre-operative          
interview4 ,of course he's a little     
foggy yet1 but ,i suppose that's just   
the post-operative shock4  ,yes1 that   
will clear up in a few days4  ,he seems 
alert1 responsive1 full memory4 ,i don't
 think there will be any difficulty with
 my part of his post-operative          
treatment4 ,except--  ,doctor1 have you 
ever listened to a group of violins and 
sensed1 just sensed1 not actually heard1
 that one of them seemed about a quarter
 of a note flat8  ,oldenreid looked at  
him strangely as ,letzmiller left the   
office and closed the door4         99  
99       99       99       99