,,bible ,,romances ,first ,series ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,foote ,,contents3 ,,the ,,creation ,,story4 ,,noah',s ,,flood4 ,,eve ,,and ,,the ,,apple4 ,,the ,,bible ,,devil4 ,,the ,,ten ,,plagues2 ,,jonah ,,and ,,the ,,whale4 ,,the ,,wandering ,,jews4 ,,the ,,tower ,,of ,,babel4 ,,balaam',s ,,ass4 ,,god',s ,,thieves ,,in ,,canaan4 ,,cain ,,and ,,abel4 ,,lot',s ,,wife4 ,,the ,,creation ,,story4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#a4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ,book of ,genesis is generally thought1 as ,professor ,huxley says1 to contain the beginning and the end of sound science4 ,the mythology of the ,jews is held to be a divine revelation of the early history of man1 and of the cosmic changes preparatory to his creation4 ,the masses of the people in every ,christian country are taught in their childhood that ,god created the universe1 including this earth with all its flora and fauna1 in five days2 that he created man1 the bright consummate flower of his work1 on the sixth day1 and rested on the seventh4 ,yet every student knows this conception to be utterly false2 every man of science rejects it as absurd2 and even the clergy themselves mostly disbelieve it ,why1 then1 do they not disabuse the popular mind1 and preach what they deem true instead of what they know to be false8 ,the answer is very simple4 ,because they feel that the doctrine of the ,fall is bound up with the ,genesaic account of ,creation1 and that if the latter be discredited the former will not long be retained4 ,the doctrine of the ,fall being the foundation of the scheme of ,atonement1 the clergy will never admit the ,creation ,story to be mythical until they are forced to do so by external pressure4 ,at any rate they cannot be expected to proclaim its falsity1 since by so doing they would destroy the main prop of their power4 ,what the recognised teachers of religion will not do1 however1 should not be left undone1 especially when it is so needful and important4 ,men of science1 by teaching positive and indisputable truths1 are gradually but surely revolutionising the world of thought1 and dethroning the priesthoods of mystery and superstition4 ,yet their influence on the masses is indirect1 and they do not often trouble themselves to show the contradiction between their discoveries and what is preached from the pulpit4 ,perhaps they are right4 ,but it is also right that others should appeal to the people in the name not only of science1 but also of scholarship and common sense1 and show them the incredible absurdity of much that the clergy are handsomely paid to preach as the veritable and infallible ,word of ,god4 ,the ,creation ,story1 with which the ,book of ,genesis opens1 is incoherent1 discrepant1 and intrinsically absurd1 as we shall attempt to show4 ,it is also discordant with the plainest truths of ,science4 ,let us examine it1 after casting aside all prejudice and predilection4 ,if the universe1 including this earth and its principal inhabitant1 man1 was created in six days1 it follows that less than six thousand years ago chaos reigned throughout nature4 ,this1 however1 is clearly untrue4 ,our earth has revolved round its central sun for numberless millions of years4 ,geology proves also that million years have elapsed since organic existence first appeared on the earth's surface1 and this world became the theatre of life and death4 ,darwin speaks of the known history of the world as of a length quite incomprehensible by us1 yet even that he affirms will hereafter be recognised as a mere fragment of time com-pared with the vast periods which ,biology will demand4 ,the instructed members of the ,church have long recognised these-statements as substantially true1 and they have tried to reconcile them with ,scripture by assuming that the word which in the ,history of ,creation is rendered day really means a period1 that is an elastic space of time which may be expanded or contracted to suit all requirements4 ,but there are two fatal objections to this assumption4 ,in the first place1 the same word is rendered day in the fourth commandment1 and if it means period in ,genesis it means period in ,exodus4 ,in that case we are commanded to work six periods and rest on the seventh1 and each period must cover a geological epoch4 ,how pleasant for those who happen to be born in the seventh period1 how unpleasant for those born in one of the six6 ,the lives of the one class all work1 those of the other all play6 ,in the second place1 the account of each day's creation concludes with the refrain and the evening and the morning were the first 7or other7 day4 ,now evening and morning are terms which mark the luminous gradations between night and day1 and these phenomena1 like night and day1 depend on the earth's revolving on its axis and presenting different portions of its surface to the sun4 ,evening and morning clearly imply a space of twenty-four hours1 and the writer of ,genesis1 whoever he was1 would probably be surprised at any other interpretation of his words4 ,it is sometimes argued1 as for instance by ,dr4 ,m',caul1 that these primeval days were of vast and unknown duration1 the evening and the morning not being dependent on their present causes4 ,but this supposition could only apply to the first three days1 for the sun1 moon1 and stars were created on the fourth day1 expressly to rule over the day and over the night1 and to divide the light from the darkness4 ,the fifth and sixth days1 at least1 must be understood as of normal length1 and thus the chronological difficulties remain4 ,all animal life was brought into existence on the last two days1 and therefore the ,bible still allows an antiquity of less than six thousand years for the world's fauna4 ,geology and ,biology allow millions of years4 ,here then ,science and the ,bible are in flagrant and irreconcilable contradiction4 ,the fact that the writer of ,genesis represents light as existing three days before the creation of the sun1 the source of light1 has frequently been noticed4 ,one learned commentator supposed that ,god had infused a certain luminosity through the air1 which was not exactly the same as the light of the sun4 ,but light is not a thing2 it is a phenomenon caused by definite laws of astronomy and optics4 ,such explanations are but fanciful refuges of superstition4 ,god said let there be light and there was light1 is not the language of science and history1 but the language of poetry4 ,as such it is sublime4 ,we find a similar expression in the ,vedas of the ,hindoos3 ,he thought1 ,i will create worlds1 and they were there6 ,both become ridiculous when presented to us as a scientific statement ,the physical astronomer knows how worlds are formed1 as well as how their movements are determined2 he knows also the causes of light2 and he knows that none of these processes resembles the accounts given in the ,creation ,stories of the ,hebrews and the ,hindoos4 ,science knows nothing of six creative epochs1 any more than of six creative days2 and it is quite certain that the order of ,creation given in ,genesis differs widely from the revelations of ,geology4 ,for instance 7and one instance in such a case is as good as a thousand71 fish and fowl are said to have been created on the same day4 ,let us1 for the sake of argument1 assume that day means period4 ,the conclusion still is that fish and fowl were created together4 ,starting from this conclusion1 what should we expect to find in our geological researches8 ,why1 the fossil remains of fish and of fowl in the same epochs4 ,but we find nothing of the kind4 ,marine animals antedate the carboniferous period1 during which all our coal deposits were laid1 but no remains of fowl are found until a later period4 ,now the carboniferious period alone1 according to ,sir ,william ,thompson1 covers many millions of years2 so that instead of fish and fowl being contemporaneous1 we find them geologically separated by inconceivable spaces of time4 ,here again the ,bible and ,science fatally disagree4 ,even if we admit that the fifth day of creation was a period1 the chronology of the ,bible is still fatally at variance with fact ,with respect to the antiquity of the human race1 it is precise and unmistakable4 ,it gives us the age of ,adam at his death1 and the ages of the other antediluvian patriarchs4 ,from the ,flood the genealogies are carefully recorded1 until we enter the historic period1 after which there is not much room for dispute4 ,from the creation of ,adam to the birth of ,christ1 the ,bible allows about four thousand years4 ,the antiquity of the human race1 therefore1 according to ,scripture1 is less than six thousand years4 ,science1 however1 proves that this is but a fragment of the vast period during which man has inhabited the earth4 ,there was a civilisation in ,egypt thousands of years before the alleged creation of ,adam4 ,the ,cushite civilisation was even more ancient ,archaeology shows us traces of man's presence1 in a ruder state1 long before that4 ,the researches of ,mr4 ,pengelly in ,kent's ,cavern prove that cave-men lived there more than two-hundred thousand years ago2 while geological investigations in the ,valley of the ,somme have established the fact that primitive men existed there in the tertiary period4 ,professor ,draper writes3--,so far as investigations have gone1 they indisputably-refer the existence of man to a date remote from us by many hundreds of thousands of years4 ,it must be borne in mind that these investigations are quite recent1 and confined to a very limited geographical space4 ,no researches have yet been made in those regions which might reasonably be regarded as the primitive habitat of man4 ,we are thus carried back immeasurably beyond the six thousand years of ,patristic chronology4 ,it is difficult to assign a shorter date for the last glaciation of ,europe than a quarter of a million of years1 and human existence antedates that4 ,the chronology of the ,bible is thus altogether obsolete4 ,the idea of a seven-days' creation was not confined to the ,jews3 it was shared by the ,persians and ,etruscans4 ,the division of the year into months and weeks is a general1 although not a universal practice4 ,the ancient ,egyptians observed a ten-days' week1 but the seven-days' week was well known to them4 ,the naming of the days of the week after the seven ,planets was noted by ,dion ,cassius as originally an ,egyptian custom1 which spread from ,egypt into the ,roman ,empire4 ,the ,brahmins of ,india also distinguish the days of the week by the planetary names4 ,this division of time was purely astronomical4 ,the ,jews kept the ,feast of the ,new ,moon1 and other of their ceremonies were determined by lunar and solar phenomena4 ,we may be sure that the myth of a seven-days' creation followed and did not precede the regular observance of that period4 ,there is one feature of the ,hebrew story of creation which shows how anthropomorphic they were4 ,the ,persians represent ,ormuzd as keeping high festival with his angels on the seventh day1 after creating all things in six4 ,but the ,hebrews represent ,jehovah as resting on the seventh day1 as though the arduous labors of creation had completely exhausted his energies4 ,fancy ,omnipotence requiring rest to recruit its strength6 ,the ,bible1 and especially in its earlier parts1 is grossly anthropomorphic4 ,it exhibits ,god as conversing with men1 sharing their repasts1 and helping them to slaughter their foes4 ,it represents him as visible to human eyes1 and in one instance as giving ,moses a back view of his person4 ,yet these childish fancies are still thrust upon as divine truths1 which if we disbelieve we shall be eternally damned6 ,let us now examine the ,creation ,story internally4 ,in the first place we find two distinct records1 the one occupying the whole of the first chapter of ,genesis and the first three verses of the second1 at which point the other commences4 ,these two records belong to different periods of ,jewish history4 ,the older one is the ,elohistic1 so called because the creator is designated by the plural term ,elohim1 which in our version is translated ,god4 ,the more modern one is the ,jehovistic1 in which ,elohim is combined with the singular term ,jehovah1 translated in our-version the ,lord ,god4 ,the ,elohistic and ,jehovistic accounts both relate the creation of man1 but instead of agreeing they widely differ4 ,the former makes ,god create man in his own image2 the latter does not even allude to this important circumstance4 ,the former represents man as created male and female at the outset2 the latter represents the male as created first1 and the female for a special reason afterwards4 ,in the former ,god enjoins the primal pair to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth2 in the latter there is no such injunction1 but on the contrary1 the bringing forth of children in sorrow is imposed upon the woman as a punishment for her sin1 and she does not appear to have borne any offspring until after the expulsion from the ,garden of ,eden4 ,lastly1 the ,elohistic record makes no mention of this ,paradise1 in which1 according to the ,jehovistic record1 the drama of the ,fall was enacted1 but represents man as immediately commissioned to subdue and populate the world4 ,such discrepancies are enough to stagger the blindest credulity4 ,we now proceed to examine the ,jehovistic account of ,creation in detail4 ,we read that the ,lord ,god formed man of the dust of the ground1 the ,hebrew word for which is adamah4 ,the word ,adam means be red1 and adamah may be referred to the red soil of ,palestine4 ,kalisch also observes that man may have been originally called ,adam on account of the red color of his skin4 ,the ,chinese represent man as kneaded of yellow earth1 and the red ,indians of red clay4 ,the belief that man was formed of earth was not confined to the ,jews1 but has been almost universal1 and undoubtedly arose from the fact that our bodies after death return to the earth and resolve into the elements4 ,the ,lord ,god placed this forlorn first man in the ,garden of ,eden with the command to till it1 and permission to eat of the fruit of all its trees except the tree of knowledge of good and evil4 ,how ,adam trespassed and fell1 and brought a curse upon himself and all his innocent posterity1 we shall consider in another pamphlet4 ,the story of the ,fall is infinitely curious and diverting1 and must be treated separately4 ,adam's first exploit1 after he had taken a good look round him1 was very marvellous4 ,all the cattle and beasts of the field and fowl of the air were brought before him to be named1 and whatsover ,adam called every living creature1 that was the name thereof4 ,this first ,zoological ,dictionary is unfortunately lost1 or we should be able to call every animal by its right name1 which would doubtless gratify them as well as ourselves4 ,the fishes and insects were not included in this primitive nomenclature1 so the loss of the ,dictionary does not concern them4 ,the ,lord made the animals pass before ,adam seemingly with the expectation that he would choose a partner from amongst them4 ,nothing1 however1 struck his fancy4 ,if he had fallen in love with a female gorilla or ourang-outang1 what a difference it would have made in the world's history6 ,after this wonderful exploit the ,lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon ,adam1 who surely must have been tired enough to fall into a good sound natural sleep1 without a heavenly narcotic4 ,while in this state one of his ribs was extracted for a purpose we shall presently refer to1 and which he discovered when he awoke4 ,this curious surgical operation involves a dilemma4 ,if ,adam was upright after it1 he must have been lopsided before2 if he was upright before it1 he must have been lopsided after4 ,in either case the poor man was very scurvily treated4 ,it has been maintained that ,god provided ,adam with another rib in place of the one extracted4 ,but this is a mere conjecture4 ,besides1 if the ,lord had a spare rib in stock he might have made a woman of it1 without cutting poor ,adam open and making a pre mortem examination of his inside4 ,the divine operator's purpose was a good one1 whatever we may think of his means4 ,he had discovered1 what ,omniscience would have foreknown1 that it was not good for man to be alone1 and had resolved to make him a help-meet4 ,adam's spare rib was the raw material of which his wife was manufactured4 ,the ,greenlanders believed that the first woman was fashioned out of the man's thumb4 ,the woman was brought to ,adam1 who said--,this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh4 ,not a word did he say about soul of my soul4 ,perhaps he suspected she had none1 and with some truth1 if we go no further than our ,english version4 ,when the ,lord ,god made man1 he breathed into his nostrils the breath of life1 and man became a living soul1 but apparently no such operation was performed on ,eve4 ,indeed1 it is very difficult to prove from the ,bible that woman has a soul at all4 ,women should reflect on this4 ,they should also reflect on the invidious fact that they were not included in the original scheme of things1 but thrown in as a make-weight afterwards4 ,let them ponder this a while1 and the churches and chapels in which this story is taught would soon be emptied4 ,the majority of those who occupy seats in such places wear bonnets1 and most of those who don't1 go there for the sake of those who do4 ,when ,adam had thus accosted his bride he grew prophetical4 ,therefore1 said he1 shall a man leave his father and his mother1 and shall cleave unto his wife3 and they shall be one flesh4 ,in his desire to give the institution of marriage the highest sanction1 the writer of this story perpetrated a gross anachronism4 ,adam had no parents1 nor any experience of marriage4 ,unless1 therefore1 we credit him with superhuman prescience1 it is absurd to make him talk in this way4 ,eve's name1 no less than ,adam's1 betrays the mythological character of the story4 ,it means the mother of all1 and was evidently applied to her by the ,jewish writers in order to signify her supposed relationship to the human race4 ,while ,god was engaged in the work of creation1 why did he not make two human couples1 instead of one8 ,the arrangement he adopted involved the propagation of the human species through incest ,adam and ,eve's sons must have had children by their sisters4 ,if two couples had been created1 their families might have intermarried1 and mankind would not then have sprang from the incestuous intercourse of the very first generation4 ,surely omnipotence might have obviated the necessity of a crime against which civilised consciences revolt with unspeakable disgust4 ,adam and ,eve were placed by ,god in the ,garden of ,eden4 ,eden1 says ,kalisch1 comprised that tract of land where the ,euphrates and ,tigris separate2 from that spot the 'garden in ,eden' cannot be distant4 ,let it suffice that we know its general position4 ,its exact position can never be ascertained4 ,what a pity it is that ,noah did not occupy some of his leisure time1 during the centuries he lived after his exit from the ark1 in writing a typography of the antediluvian world6 ,the ,greeks placed ,paradise in the ,islands of the ,blessed1 beyond the ,pillars of ,hercules in the western main4 ,the ,swede1 ,rudbeck1 asserts that ,paradise was in ,scandinavia2 some ,russian writers supposed it to have been in ,siberia2 and the ,german writers1 ,hasse and ,schulz1 on the coast of ,prussia4 ,eastern traditions place it in ,ceylon1 and regard the mountain of ,rahoun as the spot where ,adam was buried4 ,some old ,christian writers hazarded the theory that ,paradise was beyond the earth altogether1 on the other side of the ocean which they conceived to encircle it1 and that ,noah was conveyed to our planet by the deluge4 ,kalisch gives a long list of ancient and modern authorities on the subject1 who differ widely from each other as to the actual position of ,eden1 their only point of agreement being that it was somewhere4 ,the ,creation ,story of the ,bible cannot be considered as anything but a ,hebrew myth4 ,scholars have abundantly shown the absurdity of supposing that ,moses wrote it4 ,doubtless1 as a piece of traditional mythology1 it is very ancient1 but it cannot be traced back in its present literary form beyond the ,babylonish captivity4 ,men of science without exception disbelieve it1 not only with regard to the world in general1 but also with regard to the human race4 ,in his famous article on ,the ,method and ,results of ,ethnology1 ,professor ,huxley made this declaration3--,there are those who represent the most numerous1 respectable1 and would-be orthodox of the public1 and who may be called ',adamites1' pure and simple4 ,they believe that ,adam was made out of earth somewhere in ,asia1 about six thousand years ago2 that ,eve was modelled from one of his ribs2 and that the progeny of these two having been reduced to the eight persons who landed on the summit of ,mount ,ararat after an universal deluge1 all the nations of the earth have proceeded from these last1 have migrated to their present localities1 and have become converted into negroes1 ,australians1 ,mongolians1 etc41 within that time4 ,five-sixths of the public are taught this ,adamitic ,monogenism as if it were an established truth1 and believe it4 ,i do not2 and ,i am not acquainted with any man of science1 or duly instructed person1 who does4 ,the clergy1 then1 who go on teaching this old ,creation ,story as true1 are either unduly instructed or dishonest1 ignorant or fraudulent1 blind guides or base deceivers4 ,it is not for us to determine to which class any priest or preacher belongs3 let the conscience of each1 as assuredly it will1 decide that for himself4 ,but ignorant or dishonest1 we affirm1 is every one of them who still teaches the ,creation ,story as a record of actual facts1 or as anything but a ,hebrew myth4 ,the origin of the human race is far different from that recorded in ,genesis4 ,man has undoubtedly been developed from a lower form of life4 ,the rude remains of primitive men show that they were vastly inferior to the present civilised inhabitants of the world1 and even inferior to the lowest savages with whom we are now acquainted4 ,their physical and mental condition was not far removed from that of the higher apes2 and the general opinion of biologists is that they were descended from the ,old ,world branch of the great ,simian family4 ,there is1 indeed1 no absolute proof of this1 nor is it probable that there ever will be1 as the fossil links between primitive man and his ,simian progenitor1 if they exist at all1 are most likely buried in that sunken continent over which roll the waters of the ,south ,pacific ,ocean4 ,but as the line of natural development can be carried back so far without break1 there is no reason why it should not be carried farther4 ,the evolution theory is now almost universally accepted by men of science1 and few of them suppose that man can be exempted from the general laws of biology4 ,at any rate1 the ,bible account of ,creation is thoroughly exploded1 and when that is gone there is nothing to hinder our complete acceptance of the only theory of man's origin which is consistent with the facts of his history1 and explains the peculiarities of his physical structure4 ,,noah',s ,,flood4 ,,bible ,,romances--#b4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ,bible story of the ,deluge is at once the biggest and the most ridiculous in the whole volume4 ,any person who reads it with the eyes of common sense1 and some slight knowledge of science1 must admit that it is altogether incredible and absurd1 and that the book which contains it cannot be the ,word of ,god4 ,about #a1fef years after ,god created ,adam1 and placed him in the garden of ,eden1 the world had become populous and extremely wicked2 indeed1 every thought and imagination of man's heart was evil continually4 ,what was the cause of all this wickedness we are not informed2 but we are told that the sons of ,god took unto them wives of the daughters of men because they were fair1 and we are led to suppose that these matches produced giants and other incurably wicked offspring4 ,no physiological reason is assigned for this ,strange result1 nor perhaps was there any present to the mind of the writer1 who probably had witnessed unhappy marriages in his own family1 and was anxious to warn his readers1 however vaguely1 against allowing their daughters to be inveigled into matrimonial bonds with pious sniffling fellows1 who professed themselves peculiarly the children of their ,father in heaven4 ,however1 the narrative is clear as to the fact itself3 men had all gone irrecoverably astray1 and ,god had repented that he ever made them4 ,in such a case an earthly human father would naturally have attempted to improve his family2 but the ,almighty ,father either was too indifferent to do so1 or was too well aware of the impossibility of reforming his own wretched offspring2 and therefore he determined to drown them all at one fell swoop1 just as cat-loving old ladies dispose of a too numerous and embarrassing feline progeny4 ,bethinking him1 however1 ,god resolved to save alive one family to perpetuate the race3 he was willing to give his creatures another chance1 and then1 if they persisted in going the wrong way1 it would still be easy to drown the lot of them again1 and that without any reservation4 ,he had also resolved at first to destroy every living thing from off the face of the earth2 but he afterwards decided to spare from destruction two of every species of unclean beasts1 male and female1 and fourteen1 male and female1 of all clean beasts and of all fowls of the air and of every creeping thing4 ,noah1 his wife1 his three sons1 ,shem1 ,ham1 and ,japhet1 and their wives 7eight persons in all71 were the only human beings to be preserved from the terrible fate of drowning4 ,noah was commanded by ,god to build an ark for the reception-of the precious living freight1 the dimensions of which were to be1 in ,english measure1 #eej feet long1 #ic feet wide1 and #ee feet deep4 ,into this floating box they all got2 the flood then came and covered the earth1 and all besides were drowned4 ,now this is a very strange1 a very startling story2 it seems more like a chapter from the ,arabian ,nights or the ,adventures of ,baron ,munchausen than from the sacred ,scriptures of any ,religion4 ,carnal reason prompts us to ask many questions about it4 #a4 ,how did ,noah contrive to bring these beasts1 birds1 and insects all together in one spot8 ,the task seems superhuman4 ,some species could be found only in very remote places--the kangaroo only in ,australia1 the sloth only in ,south ,america1 the polar bear only in the ,arctic regions4 ,how could ,noah1 in those days of difficult locomotion1 have journeyed in search of these across broad rivers1 and over continents and oceans8 ,did he bring them singly to his dwelling-place in ,asia1 or did he travel hither and thither with his menagerie1 and finish the collection before returning home8 ,there are1 according to ,hugh ,miller1 #a1feh known species of mammalia1 #f1bff of birds1 #fdb of reptiles1 and #eej1jjj of insects2 how could one man1 or a hundred men1 have collected specimens of these in those days1 and in such brief space of time8 ,the beasts1 clean and unclean1 male and female1 might be got together by means of terrible exertion2 but surely to assemble the birds and reptiles and insects must transcend human capacity4 ,some of the last class would of course not require much seeking2 they visit us whether we desire their company or not2 and the difficulty would not be how to get them into the ark1 but how on earth to keep them out4 ,others1 however1 would give infinite trouble4 ,fancy ,noah occupied in a wild-goose chase1 or selecting specimens from a wasps' or hornets' nest1 or giving assiduous chase to a vigilant and elusive bluebottle fly6 ,but suppose ,noah to have succeeded in his arduous enterprise1 the question still remains1 how did he keep his wonderful zoological collection alive8 ,some of them could live only in certain latitudes2 the inhabitants of cold climates would melt away amidst the torrid heat of ,central ,asia4 ,then1 again1 there are some insects that live only a few hours1 and some that live a few days at the utmost3 what means were adopted for preserving these8 ,some animals1 too1 do not pair1 but run in herds2 many species of fish swim in shoals2 sometimes males and sometimes females predominate1 as in the case of deer1 where one male heads and appropriates a whole herd of females1 or in the case of bees1 where many males are devoted to the queen of the hive4 ,these could not have gone in pairs1 or lived in pairs2 their instincts pointed to another method of grouping4 ,how did ,noah provide for their due preservation8 ,when these questions are answered others speedily arise2 in fact1 there is no end to the difficulties of this marvellous story4 #b4 ,whence and how did ,noah procure the food for his huge menagerie8 ,that he was obliged to do so1 that the animals were not miraculously preserved without food1 we are certain2 for he was expressly commanded by ,god to gather food for himself and for them4 ,take thou unto thee1 it was said to him1 of all food that is eaten1 and thou shalt gather it to thee2 and it shall be for food for thee1 and for them4 ,what provision was made for the carnivorous animals1 for lions1 tigers1 vultures1 kites1 and hawks8 ,some of these would require not simply meat1 but fresh meat1 which could not be provided for them unless superfluous animals were taken into the ark to be killed1 or ,noah had learned the art of potting flesh4 ,otters would require fish1 chameleons flies1 woodpeckers grubs1 night-hawks moths1 and humming-birds the honey of flowers4 ,what vast quantities of water also would be consumed6 ,in fact1 the task of collecting food to last all the inmates of the ark1 including the eight human beings1 for more than a year1 must have been greater even than that of bringing them together in the first place from every zone4 ,the labors of ,hercules were mere trifles compared with those of ,noah4 ,poor old patriarch6 ,he amply earned his salvation4 ,had he been possessed of one tithe of ,jacob's cunning and business sagacity1 he would have struck a better bargain with ,god1 and have got into the ark on somewhat easier terms4 ,few men would have undertaken so much to gain so little4 #c4 ,how were all the animals1 with their food1 got into the ark8 ,the dimensions as given in the ,bible would be insufficient to accommodate a tithe of them2 the ark could not have contained them all1 if they were packed together like herrings or sardines4 ,even if they were so packed1 space would still be required for their food2 and for what a vast quantity6 ,an animal even with man's moderate appetite would consume in the course of twelve months solid matter to the extent of four or five times its own weight1 and some animals are of course far more voracious4 ,this difficulty as to stowing the animals and their food into the ark is quite insuperable2 it is not to be obviated by any employment of miraculous intervention4 ,not even omnipotence can make a clock strike less than one1 and ,god himself must fail to make two things occupy the same space at the same time4 #d4 ,how where the inmates of this floating menagerie1 supposing them got in1 supplied with fresh air8 ,according to the ,bible narrative the ark was furnished with but one window of a cubit square1 and one door which was shut by ,god himself1 and it may be presumed1 quite securely fastened4 ,talk about the ,black-hole of ,calcutta1 why it was nothing to this6 ,what a scramble there must have been for that solitary window and a mouthful of fresh air6 ,lions1 tigers1 jackals1 hyaenas1 boa-constrictors1 kangaroos1 eagles1 owls1 bees1 wasps1 bluebottles1 with ,noah1 ,shem1 ,ham1 and ,japhet1 and their wives1 all in one fierce melee4 ,but the contention for the precious vital air must1 however violent1 have soon subsided3 fifteen minutes would have settled them all4 ,yet curiously enough the choking animals-suffered no appreciable injury2 by some occult means they were all preserved from harm2 which furnishes another illustration of the mysterious ways of ,god4 ,what powerful perfumes1 too1 must have arisen from all those animals6 ,so powerful indeed that even the rancid flavor of foxes and skunks must have been undistinguishable from the blended scents of all their fellow passengers4 ,those who have visited ,wombwell's menagerie1 or stood in the monkey-house of the ,zoological ,gardens1 doubtless retain a lively recollection of olfactory disgust1 even although in those places the must scrupulous cleanliness is observed2 but their experience of such smells would have been totally eclipsed if they could but for a moment have stood within ,noah's ark amidst all its heterogeneous denizens4 ,however the patriarch and his sons managed to cleanse this worse than ,augean stable passes all understanding4 ,and then what trampings they must have had up and down those flights of stairs communicating with the three storeys of the ark1 in order to cast all the filth out of that one window4 ,no wonder their children afterwards began to build a tower of ,babel to reach unto heaven2 it was quite natural that they should desire plenty of steps1 to mount1 so as to gratify fully the itch of climbing they had inherited from their parents4 #e4 ,where did all the water come from8 ,according to the ,bible story the waters prevailed upon the earth a hundred and fifty days1 and covered all the high hills and mountains under the whole heaven4 ,now mount ,ararat itself1 on which the ,ark eventually rested1 is seventeen thousand feet high1 and the utmost peaks of ,himalaya are nearly twice as high as that2 and to cover the whole earth with water to such a tremendous height would require an immense quantity of water2 in fact1 about eight times as much as is contained in all the rivers1 lakes1 seas1 and oceans of our globe4 ,whence did all this water come8 ,the ,scripture explanation is sadly insufficient2 the fountains of the great deep were broken up1 and the windows of heaven were opened1 and the rain was upon the earth for forty days and forty nights4 ,the writer evidently thought that there were great fountains at the bottom of the sea1 capable of supplying water in unlimited quantities from some central reservoir2 but science knows nothing whatever about them2 nay1 science tells us that the internal reservoir1 if there be one1 must contain not water1 but liquid fire4 ,if this great reservoir poured its contents into the sea1 the result would be similar to that frightful catastrophe imagined by the ,yankee who wished to see ,niagara ,falls pour into ,mount ,vesuvius4 ,the supply from that quarter thus failing1 we are forced back upon the rain which descended from the windows of heaven1 wherever they may be4 ,it rained forty days and forty nights4 ,forty days and forty nights6 ,why forty million days and nights of rain would not have sufficed4 ,the writer was evidently in total ignorance of the laws of hydrology4 ,the rain which falls from the clouds originally comes from the waters of the earth1 being absorbed into the atmosphere by the process of evaporation4 ,the utmost quantity of water that can thus be held in suspense throughout the entire atmosphere is very small2 in fact1 if precipitated1 it would only cover the ground to the depth of about five inches4 ,after the first precipitation of rain1 the process of evaporation would have to be repeated2 that is1 for every additional descent of rain a proportionate quantity of water would have to be extracted from the rivers1 lakes1 and seas below4 ,now1 surely every sane man must perceive that this pretty juggle could not add one single drop to the previously existing amount of water1 any more than a man could make himself rich by taking money out of one pocket and putting it into another4 ,the fabled man who is reported to have occupied himself with dipping up water from one side of a boat and emptying it over on the other1 hoping thereby to bale the ocean dry1 must have been the real author of this story of ,noah and his wonderful ark4 ,some ,christian writers1 such as ,dr4 ,pye ,smith1 ,dr4 ,barry1 and ,hugh ,miller1 have contended that the author of the book of ,genesis is describing not a universal but a partial deluge2 not a flood which submerged the whole earth1 out one that merely covered some particular part of the great ,central ,asian plains4 ,but surely1 apart from any consideration pertaining to the very emphatic language of the text1 rational men must perceive that the difficulty is not obviated by this explanation1 but rather increased4 ,how could the waters ascend in one place to the height of seventeen thousand feet 7the height of ,mount ,ararat7 without overflowing the adjacent districts1 and1 indeed1 the whole earth1 in conformity to the law of gravitation8 ,delitzch is bold enough to assert that the flood of water was ejected with such force from the fountains beneath that it assumed quite naturally a conical shape4 ,but then1 even supposing that this explication were anything but sheer silliness1 which it is not1 how would the learned commentator account for the water retaining its conical shape for months after the force of upheaval had expended itself8 ,these explanations are entirely fanciful and groundless4 ,the language of the narrative is sufficiently explicit ,and all flesh died that moved upon the earth2 all in whose nostrils was the breath of life2 and every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground2 and ,noah only remained alive and they that were with him in the ark4 ,such are the precise unmistakeable words of ,scripture1 which no sophistry can explain away4 ,but even if the contention for a partial deluge could be made good1 the fundamental difficulties would still remain4 ,as ,colenso observes1 the flood1 whether it be regarded as a universal or a partial deluge1 is equally incredible and impossible4 ,geology absolutely contradicts the possibility of any such catastrophe as the deluge within the historic period4 ,according to ,sir ,charles ,lyell1 no devastating flood could have passed over the forest zone of tna during the last twelve thousand years2 and the volcanic cones of ,auvergne1 which enclose in their ashes the remains of extinct animals1 and present an outline as perfect as that of tna1 are deemed older still4 ,kalisch forcibly presents this aspect of the question3 ,geology teaches the impossibility of a universal deluge since the last six thousand years1 but does not exclude a partial destruction of the earth's surface within that period4 ,the ,biblical text1 on the other hand1 demands the supposition of a universal deluge1 and absolutely excludes a partial flood4 #f4 ,what became of all the fish8 ,in such a deluge the rivers and seas must have mingled their waters1 and this1 in conjunction with the terrific outpour from the windows of heaven1 must have made the water brackish1 too salt for fresh-water fish1 and too fresh for salt-water fish2 and consequently the aquatic animals must all have perished1 unless1 indeed1 they were miraculously preserved--a contingency which anyone is free to conjecture1 out no one is at liberty to assert1 seeing that the inspired writer never even hints such a possibility4 ,now there is no evidence whatever that ,noah took and fish with him into the ark2 under natural circumstances they must have perished outside2 yet the seas and rivers still teem with life4 ,when did the new creation of fish take place8 #g4 ,what became of all the vegetation8 ,every particle of it must have rotted during such a long submergence4 ,but even if mysteriously preserved from natural decay1 it must still have been compressed into a mere pulp by the terrific weight of the super-incumbent water4 ,colenso estimates that the pressure of a column of water #ag1jjj feet high would be #dgd tons upon each square foot of surface--a pressure which nothing could have resisted4 ,yet1 wonderful to relate1 just prior to the resting of the ark on ,mount ,ararat1 the dove sent out therefrom returned with an olive leaf in her mouth just pluckt off4 ,a fitting climax to this wonderful story4 ,finally the story relates how the ark rested on the top of ,mount ,ararat1 whence its inmates descended to the plains below1 which were then quite dry4 ,mount ,ararat towers aloft three thousand feet above the region of eternal snow4 ,how the poor animals1 aye1 even the polar bear1 must have shivered6 ,and what a curious sight it must have been to witness their descent from such a height ,often have ,i speculated on the probable way in which the elephant got down1 and after much careful thought ,i have concluded thus3 either he had waxed so fat with being fed so long on miraculous food that he rolled pleasantly down like a ball1 with no other injury than a few scratches2 or he had become so very1 very thin with living simply on expectations1 in default of more substantial fare1 that he gently floated down by virtue of levity1 like a descending feather4 ,and then what journeys some of the poor animals would have to make2 the kangaroo back to ,australia1 the sloth to ,south ,america1 the polar bear to the extreme north4 ,how they lived on the road to their ultimate destinations the ,lord only knows4 ,there was no food for them2 the deluge had destroyed all vegetation for the herbiverous animals1 all flesh for the carniverous4 ,not even a nibble was left for the sheep4 ,as for poor ,noah1 the first thing recorded of him after his watery expedition is that he drank heavily of wine and got into a state of beastly inebriation4 ,and who can wonder that he did so8 ,the poor old man had floated about on oceans of water for more than a year1 and probably he was heartily sick of his watery prospect4 ,the astonishing thing is that he did not get water on the brain4 ,it was quite natural that he should swill deep potations of some stronger fluid on the first available opportunity4 ,surely he had water enough during that twelve months to last a lifetime2 enough to justify his never touching the wretched fluid again4 ,while ,noah was dead drunk1 his second son4 ,ham1 saw the nakedness of his father1 and reported the fact to his two brethren1 who took a garment and1 walking backwards so that they might not see1 covered the patriarch's nudity4 ,on recovering from his drunken stupor1 ,noah discovered what his younger son had done unto him1 and proceeded at once to vigorous cursing4 ,ham was the offender1 if there was any offence at all1 which is not very clear2 but punishment in the ,bible is generally vicarious1 and we read that the irate patriarch cursed ,canaan1 the son of ,ham1 for his father's misdemeanor4 ,flagitiously unjust as it is1 this proceeding thoroughly accords with ,jehovah's treatment of ,adam's posterity after he and ,eve had committed their first sin by eating of the forbidden fruit4 ,before ,noah got drunk he had received from ,god the assurance that the world should never more be destroyed by a flood4 ,as a perpetual sign of this covenant the rainbow was set in the heavens4 ,but the rainbow must have been a common sight for centuries before4 ,this phenomenon of refraction is the result of natural causes which operated before the ,flood1 as well as after4 ,the earth yielded its fruits for human sustenance1 and therefore rain must have fallen4 ,if rain fell before the ,deluge1 as we are bound to conclude1 the rainbow must have been then as now4 ,the usual practice of commentators is to explain this portion of the narrative by assuming that the rainbow was visible before the covenant with ,noah1 but only after the covenant had a special significance4 ,but1 as ,colenso observes1 the writer of the story supposes the rainbow was then first set in the clouds1 and is evidently accounting for the origin of this beautiful phenomenon1 which might well appear supernatural to his uninstructed imagination4 ,besides the manifold absurdities of this story there are other aspects of it even more startling4 ,what a picture it presents of fiendish cruelty and atrocious vindictiveness6 ,what an appalling exhibition of divine malignity6 ,god1 the omnipotent and omniscient ruler of the universe1 is represented as harboring and executing the most diabolical intentions4 ,he ruthlessly exterminates all his children except a favored few1 and includes in his vengeance the lower animals also1 although they were innocent of offence against his laws4 ,every creature in whose nostrils was the breath of life1 with the exception of those persevered in the ark1 was drowned1 and the earth was turned into a vast slaughter-house4 ,how imagination pictures the terrible scene as the waters rise higher and higher1 and the ravening waves speed after their prey6 ,here some wretched being1 baffled and hopeless1 drops supinely into the raging flood2 there a stronger and stouter heart struggles to the last4 ,here selfish ones battling for their own preservation2 there husbands and wives1 parents and children1 lovers and maidens1 affording mutual aid1 or at last1 in utter despair1 locked in a final embrace and meeting death together4 ,and when the waters subside1 what a sickening scene presents itself6 ,those plains1 once decked with verdure1 and lovely in the sun and breeze1 are covered with the bones of a slaughtered world4 ,how can the ,christian dare to justify such awful cruelty8 ,the ,god of the ,pentateuch is not a beneficent universal father1 but an almighty fiend4 ,this story of ,noah's ,flood is believed still because people never examine what is taught them as the word of ,god4 ,every one who analyses the story must pronounce it the most extraordinary amalgam of immorality and absurdity ever palmed off on a credulous world4 ,,eve ,,and ,,the ,,apple4 ,,bible ,,romances4-#c4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,christianity is based upon the story of the ,fall4 ,in ,adam all sinned1 as in ,christ all must be sayed4 ,saint ,paul gives to this doctrine the high sanction of his name1 and we may disregard the puny whipsters of theology1 who1 without any claim to inspiration1 endeavor to explain the ,genesaic narrative as an allegory rather than a history4 ,if ,adam did not really fall he could not have been cursed for falling1 and his posterity could not have become partakers either in a sin which was never committed or in a malediction which was never pronounced4 ,nor can ,original ,sin be a true dogma if our first parents did not transmit the germs of iniquity to their children4 ,if ,adam did not fall there was no need for ,christ to save us2 if he did not set ,god and man at variance there was no need for an atonement2 and so the ,christian scheme of salvation would be a fiasco from beginning to end4 ,this will never do4 ,no ,garden of ,eden1 no ,gethsemane6 ,no ,fall1 no ,redemption6 ,no ,adam1 no ,christ6 ,mother ,eve's curiosity was the motive of the first transgression of ,god's commandments in the history of the world1 and the whole human race was brought under the risk of eternal perdition because of her partiality to fruit4 ,millions of souls now writhe in hell because1 six thousand years ago1 she took a bite of an apple4 ,what a tender and beautiful story6 ,god made her to be ,adam's helpmeet4 ,she helped him to a slice of apple1 and that soon helped them both outside ,eden4 ,the sour stuff disagreed with him as it did with her4 ,it has disagreed1 with all their posterity4 ,in fact it was endowed with the marvellous power of transmitting spiritual stomach-ache through any number of generations4 ,how do we know that it was an apple and not some other fruit8 ,why1 on the best authority extant after the ,holy ,scriptures themselves1 namely1 our auxiliary ,bible1 ,paradise ,lost2 in the tenth book whereof ,satan makes the following boast to his infernal peers after his exploit in ,eden3-- ,him by fraud ,i have seduced ,from his ,creator1 and1 the more to increase ,your wonder1 with an apple4 ,yet another authority is the profane author of ,don ,juan1 who1 in the first stanza of the tenth canto1 says of ,newton3 ,and this is the sole mortal who could grapple1 ,since ,adam1 with a fall1 or with an apple4 ,milton1 being very pious1 was probably in the counsel of ,god4 ,how else could he have given us an authentic version of the long colloquies that were carried on in heaven8 ,byron1 being very profane1 was probably in the counsel of ,satan4 ,and thus we have the most unimpeachable testimony of two opposite sources to the fact that it was an apple1 and not a rarer fruit1 which overcame the virtue of our first parents1 and played the devil with their big family of children4 ,this apple grew on the ,tree of ,knowledge1 which ,god planted in the midst of the ,garden of ,eden1 sternly enjoining ,adam and ,eve not to eat of its fruit under pain of death4 ,now the poor woman knew nothing of death and could not understand what a dreadful punishment it was2 and there was the fruit dangling before her eyes every hour of the day4 ,is it any wonder that she brooded incessantly on the one thing forbidden1 that her woman's curiosity was irresistably piqued by it1 and that at last her longing grew so intense that she exclaimed1 ,dear me6 ,i can't refrain any longer4 ,let the consequences be what they will1 ,i must have a bite4 ,god made the woman2 he knew her weakness2 and he must have known that the plan he devised to test her obedience was the most certain trap that could be invented4 ,jehovah played with poor ,eve just as a cat plays with a mouse4 ,she had free-will1 say the theologians4 ,yes1 and so has the mouse a free run4 ,but the cat knows she can catch it again1 and finish it off when she is tired of playing4 ,not only did ,god allow ,eve's curiosity to urge her on to sin1 he also permitted the serpent1 more subtil than any beast of the field1 to supplement its action4 ,this wily creature is popularly supposed to have been animated on the occasion by the ,devil himself2 although1 as we shall explain in another ,romance entitled ,the ,bible ,devil1 the book of ,genesis makes not even the remotest allusion to such a personage4 ,if1 however1 the tempter was the ,devil1 what chance had the poor woman against his seductive wiles8 ,and even if he was only a serpent1 he was very subtil as we are told1 and able to talk like a book1 and we know that these creatures have fatal powers of fascination4 ,surely ,mother ,eve was heavily handicapped4 ,god might have given her fair play1 and left her to fight the battle without furnishing auxiliaries to the strong side4 ,the serpent1 we have said1 could converse in human speech4 ,his conversation and his conduct will be dealt with in the ,romance just referred to4 ,suffice it here to say that he plainly told the woman that ,god was a liar4 ,he1 said the tempter1 has said ye shall surely die if ye touch the fruit of this tree4 ,don't believe it4 ,i tell you1 ye shall not surely die4 ,what could poor ,eve think8 ,in addition to her native curiosity here was another incentive to disobedience4 ,which of these two spoke the truth8 ,there was only one way of deciding4 ,she stretched forth her hand1 plucked an apple1 and began to eat4 ,and immediately1 says ,milton1 ,earth felt the wound1 and nature from her seat1 ,sighing through all her works1 gave signs of woe ,that all was lost4 ,what a rumpus about a trifle6 ,it reminds us of the story of a ,jew who had a sneaking inclination for a certain meat prohibited by his creed4 ,one day the temptation to partake was too strong2 he slipped into a place of refreshment and ordered some sausages4 ,the weather happened to be tempestuous1 and just as he raised his knife and fork to attack the savory morsel1 a violent clap of thunder nearly frightened him out of his senses4 ,gathering courage1 he essayed a second time1 but another thunderclap warned him to desist4 ,a third attempt was foiled in the same way4 ,whereupon he threw down his knife and fork and made for the door1 exclaiming ,what a dreadful fuss about a little bit of pork4 ,eve's transgression1 according to the learned ,lightfoot1 occurred about high noone1 the time of eating4 ,the same authority informs us that she and ,adam did lie comfortlesse1 till towards the cool of the day1 or three o'clock afternoon4 ,however that may be1 it is most certain that the first woman speedily got the better of the first man4 ,she told him the apple was nice and he took a bite also4 ,perhaps he had resolved to share her fortunes good or bad1 and objected to be left alone with his menagerie4 ,lightfoot describes the wife as the weaker vessell1 but a lady friend of ours says that the ,devil stormed the citadel first1 knowing well that such a poor outpost as ,adam could easily be carried afterwards4 ,having eaten of the fruit1 and thus learned to distinguish between good and evil1 ,adam and ,eve quickly discovered that they were naked4 ,so they sewed fig leaves together1 and made themselves aprons4 ,we are not told who gave them lessons in sewing4 ,perhaps they acquired the art through intuition4 ,but the necessary implements could not have been gained in that way4 ,dr4 ,thomas ,burnet1 whose mind was greatly exercised by the astounding wonders of the ,bible1 very pertinently asked ,whence had they a needle1 whence a thread1 on the first day of their creation8 ,he1 however1 could give no answer to the question1 nor can we1 except we suppose that some of the female angels had attended a garden party in ,eden and carelessly left their needles and thread behind them4 ,any reader who is dissatisfied with this explanation must inquire of the nearest parson1 who1 as he belongs to a class supposed to know almost everything1 and believed to have access to the oracles of ,god1 will doubtless be able to reveal the whole gospel truth on the subject4 ,a little later1 ,god himself1 who is everywhere at once1 came down from everywhere to the ,garden of ,eden1 for the purpose of taking a walk in the cool of the day4 ,he had perhaps just visited the infernal regions to see that everything was ready for the reception of the miserable creatures he meant to damn1 or to assure himself that the ,devil was really not at home2 and was anxious to cool himself before returning to his celestial abode1 as well as to purify himself from the sulphurous taint which might else have sent a shudder through all the seraphic hosts4 ,apparently he was holding a soliloquy1 for ,adam and ,eve heard his voice4 ,colenso1 however1 renders this portion of the ,romance differently from our authorised version--,and they heard the sound of ,jehovah-,elohim walking in the garden in the breeze of the day4 ,delitzsch thinks they heard the sound of his footsteps1 for ,god used to visit them in the form of a man6 ,could the force of folly farther go8 ,any devout ,theist1 who candidly thought over this petty fiction1 would find its gross anthropomorphism inexpressibly shocking4 ,knowing that ,god was everywhere1 ,adam and ,eve nevertheless hid themselves from the presence of the ,lord ,god amongst the trees of the garden4 ,but they were soon dragged forth to the light4 ,adam1 who seems to have been a silly fellow1 explained that he had hidden himself because he was naked1 as though the ,lord had not seen him in that state before4 ,naked6 said the ,lord1 ,who told thee that thou wast naked4 ,hast thou eaten of that tree1 eh8 ,o1 ,lord1 yes1 replied ,adam2 just a little bit2 but it wasn't my fault1 she made me do it1 ,o ,lord6 ,o ,lord6 ,whereupon ,god1 who although he knows everything1 even before it happens1 was singularly ill-informed on this occasion1 turned fiercely upon the woman1 asking her what she had done4 ,oh1 if you please1 whimpered poor ,eve1 it was ,i who took the first bite2 but the serpent beguiled me1 and the fault you see is not mine but his4 ,oh dear6 oh dear6 ,then the ,lord utterly lost his temper4 ,he cursed the serpent1 cursed the woman1 cursed the man1 and even cursed the ground beneath their feet ,everything about at the time came in for a share of the malison4 ,in fact1 it was what the ,yankees would call a good1 all-round1 level swear4 ,the curse of the serpent is a subject we must reserve for our pamphlet on ,the ,bible ,devil1 ,the curse of the woman was that she should bring forth children in pain and sorrow1 and that the man should rule over her4 ,with her present physiological condition1 woman must always have suffered during conception as she now does2 and therefore ,delitzsch infers that her structure must have undergone a change1 although he cannot say in what respect ,he dwells also on the subjection of woman1 which the religion of ,revelation has made by degrees more endurable2 probably forgetting that the ,teutonic women of ancient times were regarded with veneration1 long before ,christianity originated4 ,besides1 the subordination of the female is not peculiar to the human race1 but is the general law throughout the animal world4 ,adam's curse was less severe4 ,he was doomed to till the ground1 and to earn his bread by the sweat of his face4 ,most of us would rather take part in the great strenuous battle of life1 than loll about under the trees in the ,garden of ,eden1 chewing the cud like contemplative cows4 ,what men have had to complain of in all ages is1 not that they have to earn their living by labour1 but that when the sweat of their faces has been plenteously poured forth the bread has too often not accrued to them as the reward of their industry4 ,orthodox ,christianity avers that all the posterity of ,adam and ,eve necessarily participate in their curse1 and the doctrine of ,original ,sin is taught from all its pulpits4 ,only by baptism can the stains of our native guilt be effaced2 and thus the unbaptized1 even infants1 perish everlastingly1 and hell1 to use the words of a ,protestant divine1 holds many a babe not a span long4 ,a great ,catholic divine says--,hold thou most firmly1 nor do thou in any respect doubt1 that infants1 whether in their mothers' wombs they begin to live and then die1 or when1 after their mothers have given birth to them1 they pass from this life without the sacrament of holy baptism1 will be punished with the everlasting punishment of eternal fire4 ,horror of horrors6 ,these men call sceptics blasphemers1 but they are the real blasphemers when they attribute to their ,god such supreme injustice and cruelty4 ,what should we think of a legislator who proposed that the descendants of all thieves should be imprisoned1 and the descendants of all murderers hung8 ,we should think that he was bad or mad4 ,yet this is precisely analogous to the conduct ascribed to ,god1 who should be infinitely wiser than the wisest man and infinitely better than the best4 ,the crime of our first parents was indeed pregnant with the direst consequences4 ,it not only induced the seeds of original sin1 but it also brought death into the world4 ,milton sings-- ,of man's first disobedience1 ,and the fruit ,of that forbidden tree1 ,whose mortal taste ,brought death into the world4 ,and ,saint ,paul 7,romans v41 #ab7 writes ,as by one man sin came into the world1 and death by sin4 ,now this theory implies that before the ,fall the inhabited portion of the world was the scene of perfect peace4 ,birds lived on seeds and eschewed worms1 and the fierce carniverous animals grazed like oxen4 ,the lion laid down with the lamb4 ,waal1 said the ,yankee1 ,i don't doubt that1 but ,i rayther guess the lamb was inside4 ,the fact is that most of the carnivorous animals could not live on a vegetable drat2 and therefore they must either have subsisted on flesh before the ,fall1 which of course involves death1 or their natures must have undergone a radical change4 ,the first supposition contradicts scripture1 and the second contradicts science4 ,geology shows us that in the very earliest times living creatures died from the same causes which kill them now4 ,many were overwhelmed by floods and volcanoes1 or engulphed by earthquakes2 many died of old age or disease1 for their bones are found distorted or carious1 and their limbs twisted with pain2 while the greater number were devoured1 according to the general law of the struggle for existence4 ,death ruled universally before the human race made its appearance on the earth1 and has absolutely nothing to do with ,eve and her apple4 ,adam and ,eve were warned by ,god that in the day they ate of the fruit of the ,tree of ,knowledge they should surely die4 ,the serpent declared this to be rank nonsense1 and the event proved his veracity4 ,what age ,eve attained to the ,holy ,bible saith not1 for it never considers women of sufficient importance to have their longevities chronicled4 ,but ,adam lived to the remarkably good old age of nine hundred and thirty years4 ,like our ,charles the ,second he took an unconscionable time a-dying4 ,one of his descendants1 the famous ,methusaleh1 lived thirty-nine years longer2 while the more famous ,melchizedek is not even dead yet1 if any credence is to be placed in the words of holy ,saint ,paul4 ,but all these are mere lambs1 infants1 or chicken1 in comparison with the primeval patriarchs of ,india4 ,buckle tells us that1 according to the ,hindoos1 common men in ancient times lived to the age of #hj1jjj years1 some dying a little sooner and some a little later4 ,two of their kings1 ,yudhishther and ,alarka1 reigned respectively #bg1jjj and #ff1jjj years4 ,both these were cut off in their prime2 for some of the early poets lived to be about half a million2 while one king1 the most virtuous as well as the most remarkable of all1 was two million years old when he began to reign1 and after reigning #f1hjj1jjj years1 he resigned his empire and lingered on for #ajj1jjj years more4 ,adam is not in the hunt with that tough old fellow4 ,on the principle that it is as well to be hung for a sheep as a lamb1 faithful ,christians should swallow him as well as ,adam4 ,when the throat of their credulity is once distended they may as well take in everything that comes4 ,what followed the ,curse clearly shows that man was not originally created immortal4 ,adam and ,eve were expelled from the ,garden of ,eden expressly in order that they might not become so4 ,god drove them forth lest they should take also of the tree of life1 and eat1 and live for ever4 ,many orthodox writers1 who have to maintain the doctrine of our natural immortality1 preserve a discreet silence on this text4 ,our great ,milton1 who has so largely determined the ,protestant theology of ,england1 goes right in the face of ,scripture when he makes ,god say of man1 ,i at first with two fair gifts ,created him endowed1 with happiness ,and immortality4 ,the fact is1 the ,book of ,genesis never once alludes to any such thing1 nor does it represent man as endowed with any other soul than that breath of life given to all animals4 ,it is also certain that the ancient ,jews were entirely ignorant of the doctrine of a life beyond the grave4 ,the highest promise that ,moses is said to have made in the ,decalogue was that their days should be long in the land4 ,the ,jews were a business people1 and they wanted all promises fulfilled on this side of death4 ,nor is there any real ,fall implied in this story4 ,god himself says that the man1 having eaten of the forbidden fruit1 is become as one of us4 ,that could scarcely be a fall which brought him nearer to ,god4 ,bishop ,south1 indeed1 in a very eloquent passage of his sermon on ,man ,created in ,god's ,image1 celebrates the inconceivable perfection of the first man1 and concludes by saying that ,an ,aristotle was but the rubbish of an ,adam1 and ,athens but the rudiments of ,paradise4 ,but a candid perusal of ,genesis obliges us to dissent from this view1 ,adam and ,eve were a very childish pair4 ,whatever intellect they possessed they carefully concealed4 ,not a scintillation of it has reached us4 ,shakespeare and ,newton are an infinite improvement on ,adam and ,eve4 ,one of the ,gnostic sects1 who played such havoc with the early ,christian ,church1 utterly rejected the idea of a ,fall4 ,the ,ophites1 says ,didron1 considered the ,god of the ,jews not only to be a most wicked but an unintelligent being4444 ,according to their account1 ,jalda-baoth1 the wicked demi-god adored by the ,jews under the name of ,jehovah1 was jealous of man1 and wished to prevent the progress of knowledge2 but the serpent1 the agent of superior wisdom1 came to teach man what course he ought to pursue1 and by what means he might regain the knowledge of good and evil4 ,the ,ophites consequently adored the serpent1 and cursed the true ,god ,jehovah4 ,before expelling ,adam and ,eve from ,eden1 the ,lord took pity on their nakedness1 and apparently seeing that their skill in needle-work did not go beyond aprons1 he made coats of skins1 and clothed them4 ,jehovah was thus the first tailor1 and the prototype of that imperishable class of workmen1 of whom it was said that it takes nine of them to make a man4 ,he was also the first butcher and the first tanner1 for he must have slain the animals and dressed their skins4 ,lest they should return he placed at the east of the ,garden of ,eden ,cherubims1 and a flaming sword which turned every way1 to keep the way of the tree of life4 ,as this guard seems never to have been relieved1 profane wits have speculated whether the ,flood drowned them1 and quenched the flaming sword with a great hiss4 ,ezekiel describes the ,cherubims with characteristic magnificence4 ,these creatures with wings and wheels were full of eyes round about4 ,and everyone had low faces3 the first face was the face of a cherub1 and the second face was the face of a man1 and the third the face of a lion1 and the fourth the face of an eagle4 ,what monsters6 ,no wonder they effectually frightened poor ,adam and ,eve from attempting a re-entrance into the ,garden4 ,perhaps the reader would like to know what became of the ,tree of ,knowledge4 ,one legend of the ,middle ,ages relates that ,eve along with the forbidden fruit broke off a branch which she carried with her from ,paradise4 ,planted outside by her hand1 it grew to a great tree1 under which ,abel was killed2 at a later time it was used in building the most holy place of ,solomon's temple2 and finally it yielded the beams out of which the cross was made6 ,another legend says that1 after the ,fall1 ,god rooted out the ,tree of ,knowledge1 and flung it over the wall of ,paradise4 ,a thousand years after it was found by ,abraham1 none the worse for its long absence from the soil4 ,he planted it in his garden1 and while doing so he was informed by a voice from heaven that this was the tree on whose wood the ,redeemer should be crucified4 ,space does not allow us to dwell at length on the ,paradise ,myths of other ancient peoples1 which singularly resembled that of the ,jews4 ,formerly it was alleged that these were all corruptions of the ,genesaic story4 ,but it is now known that most of them date long anterior to the very existence of the ,jewish people4 ,as ,kalisch says1 they belonged to the common traditionary lore of the ,asiatic nations4 ,the ,bible story of ,paradise is derived almost entirely from the ,persian myth4 ,it was after contact with the reformed religion of ,zoroaster1 during their captivity1 that the remnant of the ,jews who returned to ,palestine collated their ancient literature1 and revised it in accordance with their new ideas4 ,the story of ,eve and her ,apple is1 as every scholar knows1 an oriental myth slightly altered by the ,jewish scribes to suit the national taste1 and has absolutely no claims on our credence4 ,and if this be so1 the doctrine of the ,fall collapses1 and down comes the whole ,christian structure which is erected upon it4 ,,the ,,bible ,,devil4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#d4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ,christian ,godhead is usually spoken and written of as a ,trinity1 whereas it is in fact a ,quaternion1 consisting of ,god the ,father1 ,god the ,son1 ,god the ,holy ,ghost1 and ,god the ,devil4 ,the ,roman ,catholics add yet another1 ,goddess the ,virgin ,mary4 ,god the ,devil1 whom this ,romance treats of so far as his history is contained in the ,bible1 is popularly supposed to be inferior to the other persons of the ,godhead4 ,in reality1 however1 he is vastly their superior both in wisdom and in power4 ,for1 whereas they made the world1 he has appropriated it almost entirely to himself2 and1 whereas they who created all its inhabitants1 have only been able to lay down a very narrow-gauge railway to the ,kingdom of ,heaven1 he has contrived to lay down an exceedingly broad-gauge railway to the ,kingdom of ,hell4 ,few passengers travel by their route1 and its terminus on this side is miserably small2 but his route is almost universally patronised1 its terminus is magnificent1 and there is an extraordinary rush for tickets4 ,according to the ,christian scheme1 the ,devil tempted ,adam and ,eve from their allegiance to ,god in the form of a serpent4 ,he played the devil with ,eve1 she played the devil with ,adam1 and together they have played the ,devil with the whole human race ever since4 ,but let any unbiassed person read the ,genesaic story of the ,fall1 and he will certainly discover no reference to the ,devil ,a serpent is spoken of as more subtle than any beast of the field2 it is throughout represented simply as a serpent2 and nowhere is there the faintest indication of its possessing any supernatural endowments4 ,the ,story of the ,fall contains clear relics of that ,tree and ,serpent worship which in ancient times prevailed so extensively over the ,east4 ,the serpent was formerly regarded as the symbol of a beneficent ,god4 ,in ,hindustan1 says ,maurice1 the veneration of the serpent is evident in every page of their mythologic history1 in which every fabulous personage of note is represented as grasping or as environed with a serpent4 ,according to ,lajard1 the word which signifies life in the greater part of the ,semitic languages signifies also a serpent ,and ,jacob ,bryant says that the word ,ab1 which in ,hebrew means ,father1 has also the same meaning as the ,egyptian ,ob1 or ,aub1 and signifies a serpent1 thus etymologically uniting the two ideas4 ,the ,tree and the ,serpent were frequently associated1 although they were sometimes worshipped apart4 ,the ,aryan races of the ,western world mostly worshipped the ,tree alone4 ,the ,scandinavians had their great ash ,yggdrasill1 whose triple root reaches to the depths of the universe1 while its majestic stem overtops the heavens and its branches fill the world4 ,the ,grecian oracles were delivered from the oak of ,dodona1 and the priests set forth their decrees on its leaves4 ,nutpi or ,neith1 the goddess of divine life1 was by the ,egyptians represented as seated among the branches of the ,tree of ,life1 in the paradise of ,osiris4 ,the ,hom1 the sacred tree of the ,persians1 is spoken of in the ,zendavesta as the ,word of ,life1 and1 when consecrated1 was partaken of as a sacrament4 ,an oak was the sacred tree of the ancient ,druids of ,britain4 ,we inherit their custom of gathering the sacred mistletoe at ,yule-tide1 while in our ,christmas ,tree we have a remnant of the old ,norse tree-worship4 ,during the ,middle ,ages the worship of trees was forbidden in ,france by the ecclesiastical councils1 and in ,england by the laws of ,canute4 ,a learned antiquary remarks that the ,english maypole decked with colored rags and tinsel1 and the merry morice-dancers 7the gaily decorated ,may sweeps7 with the mysterious and now almost defunct personage1 ,jack-in-the-green1 are all but worn-out remnants of the adoration of gods in trees that once were sacred in ,england4 ,now the serpent and the tree were originally both symbolic of the generative powers of nature1 and they were interchangeable4 ,sometimes one was employed1 sometimes the other1 and sometimes both4 ,but in that great religious reformation which took place in the faiths of the ancient world about #fjj years before the time of ,christ1 the serpent was degraded1 and made to stand as a symbol of ,ahriman1 the god of evil1 who1 in the ,persic religion1 waged incessant war against ,ormuzd1 the god of beneficence4 ,the ,persian myth of the ,fall is thus rendered from the ,zendavesta by ,kalisch3-- ,the first couple1 the parents of the human race1 ,meshia and ,meshiane1 lived originally in purity and innocence4 ,perpetual happiness was promised them by ,ormuzd1 the creator of every good gift1 if they persevered in their virtue4 ,but an evil demon 7,dev7 was sent to them by ,ahriman1 the representative of everything noxious and sinful4 ,he appeared unexpectedly in the form of a serpent1 and gave them the fruit of a wonderful tree1 ,hom1 which imparted immortality and had the power of restoring the dead to life4 ,thus evil inclinations entered their hearts2 all their moral excellence was destroyed4 ,ahriman himself appeared wider the form of the same reptile1 and completed the work of seduction4 ,they acknowledged him instead of ,ormuzd as the creator of everything good2 and the consequence was they forfeited for ever the eternal happiness for which they were destined4 ,every reader will at once perceive how similar this is to the ,hebrew story of the ,fall4 ,the similarity is intelligible when we remember that all the literature of the ancient ,jews was put into its present form by the learned scribes who returned with the remnant of the people from the ,babylonish captivity1 and who were full of the ideas that obtained in the ,persian religion as reformed by the traditional ,zoroaster4 ,as we have said1 the ,hebrew story of the ,fall contains clear relics of ,tree and ,serpent worship4 ,there is also abundant proof that during the long ages in which the ,jews oscillated between polytheism and monotheism this worship largely prevailed4 ,even up to the reign of ,hezekiah1 as we find in the ,second ,book of ,kings1 the serpent was worshipped in groves1 to the great anger of the king1 who cast out the idolatry from among his people4 ,having explained the subject thus1 let us now assume with orthodox ,christians that the serpent in ,eden was animated by the ,devil1 or was indeed the ,devil himself incarnate4 ,we have already observed that the ,devil excels his three rivals in wisdom and in power4 ,while they were toiling so strenuously to create the world and all that therein is1 he quietly stood or sat by as a spectator4 ,all right1 he might have murmured1 work away as hard as you please4 ,you've more strength than sense4 ,my turn will soon come4 ,when the job is finished we shall see to whom all this belongs4 ,when the work was completed and they had pronounced all things good1 in stepped the ,devil1 and in the twinkling of an eye rendered imperfect all that they had so labored to create perfect2'turning everything topsy-turvey1 seducing the first pair of human beings1 sowing the seeds of original sin1 and at one stroke securing the wholesale damnation of our race4 ,what were they about1 to let him do all this with such consummate ease8 ,surely they must have slept like logs1 and thus left the whole game in his hands4 ,he made himself the prince of this world1 although they created it2 and if those may laugh who win1 he was entitled to roar out his mirth to the shaking of the spheres4 ,besides being the prince of this world and of the powers of darkness1 the ,devil is described as the father of lies4 ,this1 however1 is a gross libel on his character4 ,throughout the contest with his rivals he played with perfect fairness4 ,and from ,genesis to ,revelation there can be adduced no single instance in which he departs from the strict line of truth4 ,on one occasion when ,jehovah desired a lying spirit to go forth and prophesy falsely to his people1 he found one ready to his hand in heaven and had no need to trouble ,satan for a messenger4 ,the ,lord ,god had told ,adam1 ,of the tree of knowledge of good and evil1 thow shalt not eat of it2 for in the day that thou eatest thereof thow shalt surely die4 ,nay1 said the ,devil1 when he began business ye shall not surely die2 for ,god doth know that in the day ye eat thereof1 then your eyes shall be opened1 and ye shall be as gods1 knowing good and evil4 ,every word of his speech was true4 ,instead of dying in the day that he ate of the fruit ,adam lived to the fine old age of nine hundred and thirty years4 ,and after the fall the ,lord ,god said1 ,behold1 the man is become as one of us1 to know good and evil4 ,the ,devil's truthfulness is thus amply vindicated4 ,satan's visit to ,eve was paid in the form of a serpent4 ,she manifested no astonishment at being accosted by such a creature4 ,it may be that the whole menagerie of ,eden spoke in the human tongue1 and that ,balaam's ass was only what the biologists would call a case of reversion to the primitive type4 ,josephus and most of the ,fathers conceived of the serpent as having had originally a human voice and legs2 so that if he could not have walked about with ,eve arm in arm1 he might at least have accompanied her in a dance4 ,milton1 however1 discredits the legs1 and represents the serpent thus3 ,not with indented wave1 ,prone on the ground1 as since1 but on his rear1 ,circular base of rising folds1 that towered1 ,fold above fold1 a surging maze1 his head ,crested aloft1 and carbuncle his eyes2 ,with burnish'd neck of verdant gold1 erect ,amidst his circling spires1 that on the grass ,floated redundant4 ,very splendid6 ,but the doctors differ1 and who shall decide8 ,what followed the eating of the forbidden fruit we have dealt with in ,eve and the ,apple4 ,we shall therefore at once come to the curse pronounced upon the serpent ,and the ,lord ,god said unto the serpent1 ,because thou hast done this1 thou art cursed above all cattle1 and above every beast of the field2 upon thy belly shalt thou go1 and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life3 and ,i will put enmity between thee and the woman1 and between thy seed and her seed2 it shall bruise thy head1 and thou shalt bruise his heel4 ,the final portion of this curse is flagrantly mythological ,among the ,hindoos1 ,krishna also1 as the incarnation of ,vishnu1 is represented now as treading on the bruised head of a conquered serpent1 and now as entwined by it1 and stung in the heel4 ,in ,egyptian pictures and sculptures1 likewise1 the serpent is seen pierced through the head by the spear of the goddess ,isis4 ,the enmity between mankind and the serpent is1 however1 not universal ,amongst the ,zulus the snake is held in great veneration1 as their dead ancestors are supposed to reappear in that form2 and in ancient times1 as we have already observed1 serpents were actually worshipped4 ,the middle portion of the curse has not yet been fulfilled4 ,the serpent lives on more nutritious food than dust4 ,in the ,zoological ,gardens the inmates of the serpent-house enjoy a more solid diet ,the fact is1 we have here an oriental superstition4 ,kalisch points out that the great scantiness of food8 on which the serpent can subsist1 gave rise to the belief1 entertained by many ,eastern nations1 that they eat dust4 ,this belief is referred to in ,micah vii1 #ag1 ,isaiah lxv41 #be1 and elsewhere in the ,bible4 ,among the ,indians the serpent is believed to live on wind4 ,that the serpent goes upon its belly is1 of course1 a fact4 ,before the curse it must have moved about in some other way4 ,milton's poetical solution of the difficulty we have already given4 ,during the ,middle ,ages those seraphic doctors of theology1 who gravely argued how many angels could dance on the point of a needle1 speculated also on the serpent's method of locomotion before the fall4 ,some thought the animal had legs1 some that it undulated gracefully on its back1 and others that it hopped about on its tail4 ,the ever bold ,delitzsch decides that its mode of motion and its form were changed1 but closes the controversy by adding1 of the original condition of the serpent it is1 certainly1 impossible to frame to ourselves a conjecture4 ,all this is mere moonshine4 ,geology1 as ,colenso remarks1 shows us that the serpent was the same kind of creature as it is now1 in the ages long before man existed on the earth4 ,why the serpent was cursed at all is a question which no ,christian can answer4 ,the poor animal was seized1 mastered1 occupied1 and employed by the ,devil1 and was therefore absolutely irresponsible for what occurred4 ,it had committed no offence1 and consequently the curse upon it1 according to ,christian doctrine1 was a most brutal and wanton outrage4 ,having done such a splendid stroke of business in ,eden1 the ,devil retired1 quite satisfied that the direction he had given to the affairs of this world was so strong and certain as to obviate the necessity of his personal supervision4 ,fifteen centuries later the human race had grown so corrupt that ,god 7that is1 the three persons in one7 resolved to drown them all2 preserving1 however1 eight live specimens to repeople the world4 ,how the ,devil must have laughed again6 ,he knew that ,noah and his family possessed the seeds of original sin1 which they would assuredly transmit to their children1 and thus prolong the corruption through all time4 ,short-sighted as ever1 ,jehovah refrained from completing the devastation1 after which he might have started afresh4 ,so sure was the ,devil's grip on ,god's creation that1 a few centuries after the ,flood1 there were not found ten righteous men in the whole city of ,sodom1 and no doubt other cities were almost as bad4 ,according to the ,bible1 the ,devil's long spell of rest was broken in the reign of ,king ,david1 the man after ,god's own heart1 but a very great scoundrel nevertheless4 ,the ,second ,book of ,samuel 7xxiv41 #a7 tells us that ,again the anger of the ,lord was kindled against ,israel1 and he moved ,david against them to say1 ,go1 number ,israel and ,judah4 ,now the ,first ,book of ,chronicles 7xxi1 #a7 in relating the same incident says1 ,and ,satan stood up against ,israel1 and provoked ,david to number ,israel ,who shall reconcile this discrepancy8 ,was it ,god1 was it ,satan1 or was it both8 ,imagine ,david with the celestial and infernal powers whispering the same counsel into either ear6 ,a ,scotch minister once told us that this difficulty was only apparent4 ,the ,devil1 said he1 exercises only a delegated power1 and acts only by the express or tacit permission of ,god2 so that it matters not which is said to have provoked ,david4 ,yes1 but what of the consequences8 ,because the king1 despite all protests1 took a census of his people1 the ,lord sent a destroying angel1 who slew by pestilence seventy thousand of them4 ,where1 in the whole history of religion1 shall we find a viler sample of divine injustice8 ,besides1 if the ,devil acts in all cases only by ,god's permission1 the latter is responsible for all the former's wrongdoing4 ,the principal1 and not the agent1 must bear the guilt4 ,and this suggests a curious problem4 ,readers of ,robinson ,crusoe will remember that when ,man ,friday was undergoing a course of theological instruction1 he puzzled his master by asking why ,god did not convert the ,devil4 ,to his unsophisticated mind it was plain that the conversion of the ,devil would annihilate sin4 ,robinson ,crusoe changed the subject to avoid looking foolish1 but ,man ,friday's question remains in full force4 ,why does not ,god convert the ,devil8 ,the great ,thomas ,aquinas is reported to have prayed for the ,devil's conversion through a whole long night4 ,robert ,burns concludes his ,address to the ,deil with a wish that he wad tak a thought an' men'4 ,and ,sterne1 in one of his wonderful strokes of pathos1 makes ,corporal ,trim say of the ,devil1 ,he is damned already1 your honor2 whereupon1 ,i am sorry for it1 quoth ,uncle ,toby4 ,why1 oh why1 we repeat1 does not ,god convert the ,devil1 and thus put a stop for ever to the damnation of mankind8 ,why do not the clergy pray without cease for that one object8 ,because they dare not4 ,the ,devil is their best friend4 ,abolish him1 and disestablish hell1 and their occupation would be gone4 ,they must stick to their dear ,devil1 as their most precious possession1 their stock-in-trade1 their talisman of power1 without whom they were worse than nothing4 ,the ,devil's adventures in the ,book of ,job are very amusing4 ,one day there was a drawing-room or leve held in heaven4 ,the sons of ,god attended1 and ,satan came also among them4 ,he seems to have so closely resembled the rest of the company that only ,god detected the difference4 ,this is not surprising1 for the world has seen some very godly sons of ,god1 so very much like the ,devil1 that if he met one of them in a dark lane by night1 he might almost suspect it to be his own ghost4 ,god1 who knows everything1 as usual asked a number of questions4 ,where had ,satan been1 and what had he been doing8 ,satan replied1 like a gentleman of independent means1 that he had been going to and fro in the earth1 and walking up and down in it4 ,well1 said the ,lord1 have you observed my servant ,job8 ,what a good man6 perfect and upright ,i'm proud of him4 ,oh yes1 ,satan had observed him4 ,he keeps a sharp eye on all men4 ,as old ,bishop ,latimer said1 whatever parson is out of his parish the ,devil is always in his4 ,doth ,job fear ,god for nought8 said ,satan4 ,he is wealthy1 prosperous1 happy1 and respected2 you fence him about from evil2 but just let trouble come upon him1 and he will curse thee to thy face4 ,this was a new view of the subject2 the ,lord had never seen it in this light before4 ,so he determined to make an experiment4 ,with ,god's sanction ,satan went forth to afflict ,job4 ,he despoiled his substance1 slaughtered his children1 covered him with sore boils from head to foot1 and then set on his wife to nag him4 ,but ,job triumphed2 he did not curse ,god1 and thus ,satan was foiled4 ,subsequently ,job became richer than ever and more renowned1 while a fresh family grew up around his knees4 ,so1 say the ,christians1 all's well that ends well6 ,not so1 however2 for there remains uneffaced the murder of ,job's children1 who were hurriedly despatched out of the world in the very midst of their festivity4 ,when the celestial and infernal powers play at conundrums1 it is a great pity that they do not solve them up above or down below1 and leave the poor denizens of this world free from the havoc of their contention4 ,in the ,new ,testament1 as in the ,old1 the ,devil appears early on the scene4 ,after his baptism in ,jordan1 ,jesus was led up of the spirit in the wilderness to be tempted of the ,devil4 ,when he had fasted forty days and nights he was afterward hungered4 ,doctor ,tanner overlooked this4 ,the hunger of ,jesus only began on the forty-first day4 ,the ,devil requests ,jesus to change the stones into bread1 but he declines to do so4 ,then he sets him on a pinnacle of the temple in ,jerusalem1 and desires him to throw himself down4 ,jesus must have been exceedingly sharp set in that position4 ,meanwhile1 where was the ,devil posted8 ,he could scarcely have craned his neck up so as to hold a confabulation with ,jesus from the streets1 and we must therefore suppose that he was sharp set on another pinnacle4 ,a pretty sight they must have been for the ,jews down below6 ,that temptation failing1 the ,devil takes ,jesus up into an exceeding high mountain1 and showeth him all the kingdoms of the world1 and the glory of them4 ,this is remarkably like seeing round a corner1 for however high we go we cannot possibly see the whole surface of a globe at once4 ,all these things1 says ,satan1 will ,i give thee if thou wilt fall down and worship me4 ,what a generous ,devil6 ,they already belonged to ,jesus1 for doth not ,scripture say the earth is the ,lord's and the fulness thereof8--a text which should now read the earth is the landlords' and the emptiness thereof4 ,this temptation also fails1 and the ,devil retires in disgust4 ,what a pretty farce6 ,our burlesques and pantomimes are nothing to it4 ,satan knew ,jesus1 and ,jesus knew ,satan4 ,jesus knew that ,satan would tempt him1 and ,satan knew that ,jesus knew it4 ,jesus knew that ,satan could not succeed1 and ,satan knew so too4 ,yet they kept the farce up night and day1 for no one knows how long2 and our great ,milton in his ,paradise ,regained represents this precious pair arguing all day long1 ,satan retiring after sunset1 and ,jesus lying down hungry1 cold and wet1 and rising in the morning with damp clothes to renew the discussion4 ,soon after ,jesus went into the country of the ,gergesenes1 where he met two fierce men possessed with devils whom he determined to exorcise1 ,the devils 7for the ,devil had grown numerous by then71 not liking to be turned adrift on the world1 without home or shelter1 besought ,jesus to let them enter the bodies of an herd of swine feeding by4 ,this he graciously permitted4 ,the devils left the men and entered the swine2 whereupon the poor pigs1 experiencing a novel sensation1 never having had devils inside them before1 ran violently down a steep place into the sea1 and perished in the waters4 ,whether the devils were drowned with the pigs this veracious history saith not4 ,but the pigs themselves were not paid for4 ,jesus wrought the miracle at other people's expense4 ,and the inhabitants of that part took precisely this view of the case4 ,for the whole city came out to meet ,jesus3 and when they saw him1 they besought him that he would depart out of their coasts4 ,no doubt they reflected that if he remained working miracles of that kind1 at the end of a week not a single pig would be left alive in the district4 ,entering in ,genesis1 the ,devil appropriately makes his exit in ,revelation4 ,the twelfth chapter of that holy nightmare describes him as a great red dragon1 having seven heads1 and ten horns1 and seven crowns upon his heads2 and his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven1 and did cast them to the earth4 ,what a tail6 ,the writer's ideas of size were very chaotic4 ,bringing a third part of the stars of heaven to this earth1 is much like trying to lodge a few thousand cannon-balls on the surface of a bullet4 ,finally the ,devil is to be bound for a thousand years in hell4 ,let us hope the chain will be strong2 for if it should break1 the pit has no bottom1 and the ,devil would go right through1 coming out on the other side to renew his old tricks4 ,such is the ,romance of the ,bible ,devil4 ,was ever a more ludicrous story palmed off on a credulous world8 ,the very clergy are growing ashamed of it4 ,but there it is1 inextricably interwoven with the rest of the sacred narrative1 so that no skill can remove it without destroying the whole fabric4 ,the ,devil has been the ,church's best friend1 but he is doomed1 and as their fraternal bond cannot be broken1 he will drag it down to irretrievable perdition4 ,,the ,,ten ,,plagues2 ,or1 ,,how ,,moses ,,harried ,,egypt4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#e4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,if a man who had never read the ,bible before wished to amuse himself during a spare hour among its pages1 we should recommend him to try the first fourteen chapters of ,exodus4 ,a more entertaining narrative was never penned4 ,even the fascinating ,arabian ,nights affords nothing better1 provided we read it with the eyes of common sense1 and without that prejudice which so often blinds us to the absurdities of ,god's ,word4 ,at the end of the fourteenth chapter aforesaid1 let the book be closed1 and then let the reader ask himself whether he ever met with a more comical story4 ,we have no doubt as to his answer2 and we feel assured that he will agree with the poet ,cowper in thinking that ,god does move in a mysterious way his wonders to perform4 ,two hundred and fifteen years after the arrival of ,israel in ,egypt1 ,god's chosen people had fallen into slavery4 ,yet they were exceedingly prolific1 so that the land was filled with them4 ,afraid of their growing numbers1 ,pharaoh spake to the ,hebrew midwives and told them to kill all their male children at birth and leave only the daughters alive4 ,this injunction the midwives very1 properly disobeyed1 excusing themselves on the ground that the ,hebrew women were lively and were delivered ere the midwives came in unto them4 ,had they obeyed ,pharaoh1 the ,jewish race would have been extinguished1 and ,judaism and ,christianity been never heard of4 ,but the comical fact as to these midwives is that there were only two of them1 ,shiphrah and ,puah4 ,what a busy pair they must have been6 ,what patterns of ubiquitous industry6 ,when the ,jews quitted ,egypt soon after they mustered six hundred thousand men1 besides women and children4 ,now1 supposing all these were collected together in one city1 its size would equal that of ,london4 ,how could two midwives possibly attend to all the confinements among such a population8 ,and how much more difficult would their task be if the population were scattered over a wide area1 as was undoubtedly the case with the ,jews6 ,words fail us to praise the miraculous activity of these two ladies4 ,like the peace of ,god1 it passes all understanding4 ,one of the male children born under the iron rule of ,pharaoh was ,moses1 the son of ,amram and ,jochebed4 ,the incidents of his eventful life will be fully recorded in our series of ,bible ,heroes4 ,suffice it here to say that he was adopted and brought up by ,pharaoh's daughter2 that he became skilled in all the learning of the ,egyptians2 that he privily slew an ,egyptian who-had maltreated a ,hebrew1 and was obliged therefore to flee to the land of ,midian1 where he married ,zipporah1 a daughter of ,jethro the priest4 ,at this time ,moses was getting on to his eightieth year4 ,now-a-days a man of that age sees only the grave before him1 and has pretty nearly closed his account with the world4 ,but in those days it was different4 ,at the age of eighty ,moses was just beginning his career4 ,he was indeed a very astonishing old boy4 ,one day ,moses was keeping his father-in-law's flock near ,mount ,horeb1 when lo6 a strange vision greeted his eyes4 ,the angel of the ,lord appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush1 which burned without consuming4 ,by angel we are to understand a vision or appearance only1 for the being within the bush was ,god ,almighty himself2 and throughout the rest of the narrative the word angel is entirely dropped1 only ,lord or ,god being used4 ,moses approached this wonderful sight2 but the ,lord called out to him1 ,draw not nigh hither3 put off thy shoes from off thy feet1 for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground4 ,thereupon ,moses hid his face for he was afraid to look upon ,god4 ,could anything be more ludicrous6 ,fancy ,god1 the infinite spirit of the universe1 secreting himself in a bush and setting it on fire1 just to make a little display for the benefit of ,moses6 ,our wonder1 however1 is presently lessened2 for this ,god turns out to be only ,jehovah the ,lord ,god of the ,hebrews1 a mere local deity1 who cared only for his own people1 and was quite ready to slaughter any number of the inhabitants of adjacent countries1 besides being bitterly jealous of their gods4 ,the utmost claimed for him is that he is the biggest ,god extant1 and quite capable of thrashing all the other gods with one hand tied behind his back4 ,he had heard the cries of his people and had determined to rescue them from bondage4 ,he had also resolved to give ,pharaoh and the ,egyptians a taste of his quality1 so that they might be forced to-admit his superiority to their gods4 ,i will let them know1 said he to ,moses1 who ,i am1 and you shall be my agent4 ,we'll confound their impudence before we've done with them4 ,but don't let us be in a hurry1 for the little drama ,i have devised requires a good deal of time4 ,you go to ,egypt and ask ,pharaoh to let my people go4 ,but don't suppose he will consent4 ,that wouldn't suit my plans at all4 ,i have decided to set you two playing at the little game of 'pull ,moses1 pull ,pharaoh1' and ,i shall harden his heart against your demands so that there may be a fierce tussle4 ,but don't be afraid4 ,i am on your side1 and just at the end of the game ,i'll join in and pull ,pharaoh clean over4 ,and mind you tell him all along that it is my power and not yours which works all the wonders ,i mean you to perform1 for you are only my instrument1 and ,i want all the glory myself4 ,play fair1 ,moses1 play fair6 ,moses was not unwilling to engage in this enterprise1 but like a prudent ,jew he required certain assurances of success4 ,he therefore first raised an objection as to his own insignificance--,who am ,i1 that ,i should go unto ,pharaoh8 ,to which ,god replied1 ,certainly ,i will be with thee2 and this shall be a token unto thee1 that ,i have sent thee3 ,when thou hast brought forth the people out of ,egypt1 ye shall serve ,god upon this mountain4 ,moses1 however1 required a much less remote token than this2 so he again objected that nobody would believe him4 ,thereupon the ,lord bade him cast his rod on the ground1 and lo6 it became a serpent ,moses very naturally fled before it1 till the ,lord told him not to run away but to take it by the tail4 ,he did so1 and it became again a rod in his hand4 ,then the ,lord bade him put his hand in his bosom1 and on taking it out he found it was leprous as snow4 ,again he put it in his bosom1 and when he plucked it out it was once more sound and well4 ,there1 said the ,lord1 those signs will do in ,egypt4 ,when you evince them nobody will doubt you4 ,still hesitant1 ,moses objected that he was very slow of speech4 ,so he frankly desired the ,lord to send someone else4 ,no wonder the ,lord grew angry at this persistent reluctance2 nevertheless he restrained himself1 and informed ,moses that his brother ,aaron1 who was a good speaker1 should accompany him4 ,the prudent prophet seems to have been at length satisfied4 ,at any rate he made no further objection1 but after a little further conversation with the ,lord1 who was very talkative1 he set forth on his journey to ,egypt4 ,singular to relate1 the ,lord met ,moses at an inn on the road1 and1 instead of wishing him good-speed1 sought to kill him4 ,what a strange ,god1 to be sure6 ,why did he want to kill his own messenger8 ,and why1 if he wanted to kill him1 did he not succeed in doing it8 ,truly the ways of ,god are past finding out4 ,the only reason discoverable for this queer conduct is that ,moses' boy was uncircumcised4 ,zipporah1 his wife1 took a sharp stone and performed the rite of circumcision herself1 casting the amputated morsel at the feet of the boy's father1 with the remark that he was a bloody husband4 ,the ,lord's anger was thereby appeased1 and the text naively says that he then let ,moses go4 ,prompted by the ,lord1 ,aaron went out into the wilderness to meet ,moses1 and they soon appeared together before all the elders of the children of ,israel1 who readily believed in their mission when they heard ,aaron's account of the ,lord's conversation with ,moses1 and saw the wonderful signs4 ,afterwards the two brothers visited ,pharaoh1 but ,god had hardened his heart2 so he denied all knowledge of the ,lord1 and refused to let ,israel go4 ,on the contrary1 he commanded the taskmaskers to be even more rigorous with them1 and1 instead of giving them straw to make bricks1 as theretofore1 to make them gather straw for themselves4 ,and when they complained1 ,pharaoh replied that they were an idle lot1 and only wanted to go out and sacrifice to the ,lord in order to avoid work4 ,whereupon they remonstrated with ,moses for his interference1 and he1 in turn1 remonstrated with ,god in very plain and disrespectful language4 ,nonsense6 said the ,lord1 now you shall see what ,i will do to ,pharaoh4 ,again ,pharaoh was visited by the two brothers1 who this time commenced to work the miracle4 ,aaron cast down his rod1 and it became a serpent4 ,but the magicians of ,egypt1 who were present by invitation of the ,king1 were in nowise astonished4 ,oh1 said they1 is that all you can do8 ,saying which1 every man of them threw down his rod1 and it also became a serpent4 ,that was indeed an age of miracles6 ,the magicians of ,egypt wrought this wonder without any help from the ,lord1 and solely with their enchantments4 ,here1 then1 was a pretty fix6 ,so far1 neither side had any advantage4 ,presently1 however1 ,aaron's serpent--which thus proved itself a truly ,jewish one--created a diversion by swallowing all the others up4 ,we must suppose that it afterwards disgorged them1 or else that ,aaron's1 rod was exceedingly stout when he got it back4 ,pharaoh's heart remained obdurate1 notwithstanding this sign1 and he still refused to let the people go4 ,and then the plagues commenced4 ,the first was a plague of blood4 ,aaron stretched forth his rod1 and all the waters of ,egypt1 the streams1 the rivers1 the ponds1 and the pools became blood4 ,even the water in vessels of stone and wood was ensanguined4 ,the fish all died1 and the river stank2 and there was blood throughout all the land of ,egypt4 ,this was a good start1 but the magicians of ,egypt beat it hollow2 for1 after ,aaron had turned all the water of ,egypt into blood1 they turned the rest into blood4 ,no wonder that ,pharaoh's heart remained hardened6 ,he quietly walked into his house and let the subject drop4 ,seven days later ,moses went again to ,pharaoh and said1 ,thus saith the ,lord1 let my people go4 ,and ,pharaoh said1 ,i won't4 ,won't you8 answered ,moses1 we shall see4 ,forthwith ,aaron stretched forth his rod over the streams1 rivers1 and ponds1 and brought on the second plague in the shape of frogs1 which swarmed all over the land4 ,they entered the houses1 penetrated to the bedrooms1 mounted the beds1 slipped into the kneading-troughs1 and even got into the ovens1 although one would expect frogs to give such hot places a very wide berth4 ,what a squelching of frogs there must have been6 ,the ,egyptians could not have stood absolutely still1 and the land was covered with them4 ,still unfoiled1 the magicians1 with their enchantments1 followed suit1 and brought up frogs too4 ,yet1 as the land was already covered with frogs1 it is difficult to see how the new comers found room1 unless they got on the backs of the others1 and went hopping about in couples4 ,pharaoh now relented4 ,he called for ,moses1 and said1 ,intreat your ,lord to take away these nasty frogs1 and ,i will let the people go4 ,that will ,i1 said ,moses1 and you shall know that there is none like unto the ,lord our ,god4 ,the next day the frogs died out of the houses1 villages1 and fields1 and were gathered into heaps1 so that again the land stank4 ,but when ,pharaoh saw that there was respite1 he hardened his heart again1 as the ,lord had said4 ,the third act of this tragi-comedy was decisive in one sense1 for in it the magicians of ,egypt were obliged to retire from the competition4 ,aaron stretched forth his rod again and smote the dust of the earth1 all of which instantly became lice1 in man and in beast4 ,before this dirty miracle the magicians of ,egypt shrank dismayed4 ,they made a feeble and altogether unsuccessful attempt to imitate ,aaron's performance1 and then drew back1 declining to continue the contest4 ,the lice settled them4 ,this1 said they1 is the finger of ,god4 ,but ,pharaoh still refused to knuckle under4 ,even against the force of this supreme wonder his heart was steeled4 ,so the fourth plague came4 ,a grievous swarm of flies descended on ,egypt1 so that the land was corrupted by reason of them4 ,but not a single fly crossed over into the land of ,goshe where the ,jews dwelt4 ,thereupon ,pharaoh called for ,moses and ,aaron1 and told them he was willing to let their people go and sacrifice to the ,lord for three days1 but not outside ,egypt4 ,moses reiterated his demand for a three days' journey into the wilderness4 ,whereto ,pharaoh replied that they might go1 but not too far4 ,moses then undertook to banish the flies4 ,and he was as good as his word2 for there was made such a clean sweep of them that not one remained4 ,this precious narrative always runs to extremes4 ,egypt without a fly in it would be in a very abnormal condition4 ,at ordinary times the land is infested with flies2 so much so1 indeed1 that large numbers of the people suffer from diseased eyes1 in consequence of these insects incessantly fastening on the sores caused by the irritating sand which fills the air4 ,it was absurd for this ,hebrew story-teller to scotch the last fly2 he should have left sufficient to maintain the character of the country4 ,again ,pharaoh's heart was hardened1 and when the flies were banished he refused to let the people go4 ,so the fifth plague came4 ,a very grievous murrain1 which spared the cattle of ,israel1 broke out on the cattle of ,egypt1 and with such virulence that they all died4 ,pharaoh found on inquiry that there was not one of the cattle of the ,israelites dead1 yet for all that his heart was hardened1 and he would not let the people go4 ,so the sixth plague came4 ,aaron took handfuls of ashes of the furnace1 which ,moses sprinkled towards heaven1 and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man and upon beast4 ,even the magicians were afflicted4 ,now the readers will bear in mind that all the cattle of ,egypt were killed by the fifth1 plague4 ,what beasts1 then1 were these tortured with boils8 ,were they dead carcasses1 or were they live cattle miraculously created in the interim8 ,surely this is a thing which no fellah can understand4 ,from the serpent of ,eden to ,jonah's whale1 the animals of the ,bible are a queer lot4 ,pharaoh's heart remaining still hardened1 ,god commanded ,moses to make a special appeal to him1 and to get up early in the morning for that purpose4 ,so ,moses stood before ,pharaoh and said1 ,thus saith the ,lord ,god of the ,hebrews1 let my people go1 that they may serve me4 ,if you refuse ,i shall plague you and your people worse than ever1 and so teach you that there is none like me in all the earth4 ,don't puff yourself up with conceit1 for you were made what you are only in order that through you my power might be manifested4 ,you had better cave in at once4 ,but ,pharaoh would not harken4 ,he tacitly declared that the ,lord ,god of the ,hebrews might go to ,jericho4 ,so the seventh plague came4 ,a fierce hail1 accompanied by fire that ran along the ground1 smote all that was in the field1 both man and beast4 ,it smote also every herb of the field and brake every tree of the field4 ,only those were saved who feared the ,lord and stayed in doors with their servants and cattle4 ,fortunately the wheat and the rice were spared1 as they were not grown up2 or there would have been a famine in ,egypt compared with which the seven years of scarcity in ,joseph's time had sunk into insignificance4 ,pharaoh now relented and repented4 ,i have sinned this time1 he said1 the ,lord is righteous1 and ,i and my people are wicked4 ,and ,moses1 seeing that the king had recognised ,jehovah as the true cock of the theological walk1 procured a cessation of the thunder and the hail4 ,but lo6 when ,pharaoh perceived this1 he hardened his heart again1 and sinned yet more4 ,the obduracy of this potentate1 under the manipulation of ,god1 is really becoming monotonous4 ,so the eighth plague came4 ,after a day and a night of east wind1 a prodigious swarm of locusts went up over the land of ,egypt1 covering the face of the whole earth1 and darkening the ground4 ,they did eat every herb of the land1 and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had spared4 ,but we were told that the hail smote every herb1 and brake every tree4 ,what then was left for the locusts to eat8 ,the writer of this narrative had a very short memory1 or else a stupendous power of belief4 ,again ,pharaoh confessed that he had sinned4 ,the locusts were cleared away1 and so effectually that not one remained4 ,but the ,lord hardened ,pharaoh's heart for the eighth time1 and he refused to let the people go4 ,whereupon ,moses brought darkness over the land of ,egypt1 a thick darkness that might be felt4 ,this thick darkness lasted in ,egypt for three days1 during which time the people saw not one another1 neither rose any from his place4 ,we presume1 therefore1 that they all starved for that time4 ,poor devils6 ,what had they done to be treated thus8 ,all the children of ,israel1 however1 had light in their dwellings4 ,why then did they not avail themselves of such a fine opportunity to escape8 ,it was a splendid chance1 yet they let it slip4 ,perhaps ,moses did not give the word1 and they were like a flock of sheep without him4 ,perhaps they wished to stay and see the rest of the fun4 ,for more was coming1 although it was anything but fun to the poor ,egyptians4 ,to them indeed it was an awful tragedy such as we lack words to describe4 ,moses commanded the ,jews to take a male lamb for each household1 to kill it1 and to daub its blood over the two side-posts and on the upper door-posts of their houses4 ,the flesh they were to eat in the night1 roasted1 with bitter herbs and unleavened bread1 as the inauguration of the ,passover4 ,the ,lord meant to pass through the land in the dark1 and slay all the firstborn in ,egypt2 and lest he should make some mistakes he required the ,jews' houses to be marked with blood so that he might distinguish them4 ,we should expect ,god to dispense with such aids to memory4 ,what followed must be told in the language of ,scripture3 ,at midnight the ,lord smote all the firstborn in the land of ,egypt1 from the firstborn of ,pharaoh that sat on the throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon2 and all the firstborn of cattle4 ,and ,pharaoh rose up in the night1 he1 and all his servants1 and all the ,egyptians2 and there was a great cry in ,egypt2 for there was not a house where there was not one dead4 ,the reader's imagination will picture the horror of this scene4 ,that great cry in ,egypt arose from a people who were the first victims of ,god's hatred of all who stood in the way of his chosen set of leprous slaves4 ,and in this case the tragedy was the more awful1 and the more inexcusably atrocious1 because ,god deliberately planned it4 ,he could easily have softened ,pharaoh's heart1 but he chose to harden it4 ,he could have brought his people out of ,egypt in peace1 but he preferred that they should start amidst wailings of agony1 and leave behind them a track of blood4 ,yet in the tragedy there is a touch of comedy4 ,those beasts that were first killed by the murrian and afterwards plagued by the boil1 at last lose their firstborn by the tenth plague4 ,besides1 there is a touch of the ludicrous in the statement that every house had one dead4 ,all the firstborn of such a large population could not have been present at that time4 ,some might have left ,egypt for purposes of trade1 and others would certainly have been cut off before by death4 ,the story of the tenth plague1 like the other nine1 requires to be taken with a very large grain of salt4 ,pharaoh and the ,egyptians were now anxious to get rid of the ,jews4 ,so ,god's people departed in haste4 ,they took good care1 however1 not to go empty-handed4 ,they borrowed of the ,egyptians1 without the remotest intention of ever paying them back1 jewels of silver1 jewels of gold1 and raiment4 ,in fact they spoiled the ,egyptians4 ,in recent times the modern ,egyptians have wiped off that old score by spoiling a few ,jewish moneylenders1 and so returned tit for tat4 ,god led his people past instead of through the land of the ,philistines1 lest they should be frightened by war1 and wish to return to ,egypt4 ,he does not seem to have known their character4 ,considering the delight with which they subsequently warred against their enemies1 and the joy they took in wholesale massacre1 we are inclined to think that they would have just liked to get their hands into the business of fighting by trying conclusions with the ,philistines4 ,moses carried off the bones of ,joseph1 which must have been rather stale by that time4 ,and ,god went before the huge host of six hundred thousand men on foot1 besides women and children1 and a mixed multitude of followers2 by day in a pillar of cloud1 to lead them the way1 and by night in a pillar of fire1 to give them light1 until at length they found themselves encamped before the ,red ,sea4 ,in the meanwhile ,god had again hardened ,pharaoh's heart1 for the express purpose of killing some more ,egyptians and getting more honor to himself4 ,the ,israelites soon heard that ,pharaoh was pursuing them with an army1 and they remembered his dreadful war chariots4 ,they found themselves literally between the devil and the deep sea4 ,whereupon they murmured against ,moses for bringing them out into the wilderness to die4 ,but he1 disregarding them1 stretched forth his miraculous rod over the sea1 and lo6 the waters parted1 forming a wall on either side of a safe passage1 through which the ,jews travelled with dry feet4 ,pharaoh and his host1 however1 attempting the same feat1 were overwhelmed by the down-rushing sea-ramparts1 and all drowned4 ,there remained1 says ,exodus1 not so much as one of them4 ,we have heard a different account of this affair4 ,a negro preacher once explained that the ,red ,sea1 just at that time1 was a little bit frozen over1 and the ,jews1 carrying only what they had borrowed frum the ,gyptians1 crossed the ice safely2 but when ,pharaoh came with his thundering war-chariots1 the ice broke1 and dey all was drown'd4 ,but a nigger in the audience objected that the ,red ,sea is in de quator1 and is never frozen over4 ,war did you larn dat8 asked the preacher4 ,in de jografy1 was the reply4 ,ah1 was the ready retort1 dat's war you made de mistake2 dis was a very long time ago1 and dere was no jografy and no quator den4 ,that nigger preacher's explanation seems quite as good as the one given by ,moses4 ,we leave the ,jews with their ,lord ,god on the safe side of the ,red ,sea1 where ,moses heads the men in singing a joyful song of praise1 and ,miriam the prophetess heads the women with timbrel and with dance4 ,jehovah has ended his plaguing of the ,egyptians1 after more than decimating them4 ,he has covered his name with terrible splendour1 and proved that there is none like him to a world which is very happy to be assured of the fact4 ,two such monsters would make earth a hell4 ,reader6 did you ever meet with a more extraordinary story than this of the ,ten ,plagues8 and can you regard the book which contains it as ,god's ,word8 ,,jonah ,,and ,,the ,,whale4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#f4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,we have often wondered whether ,shakespeare had the story of ,jonah in his mind when he wrote that brief dialogue between ,hamlet and ,polonius1 which immediately precedes the famous closet-scene in the ,master's greatest play-- ,hamlet4--,do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel8 ,polonius4--,by the mass1 and 'tis like a camel1 indeed4 ,hamlet4--,methinks it is like a weasel4 ,polonius4--,it is backed like a weasel4 ,hamlet4--,or like a whale8 ,polonius4--,very like a whale4 ,having1 however1 no means whereby to decide this question1 we must content ourselves with broaching it1 and leave the reader to form his own conclusion4 ,yet we cannot refrain from expressing our opinion that the story of the strange adventures of the prophet ,jonah is very like a whale4 ,in another of ,shakespeare's plays1 namely ,the ,tempest1 we find a phrase which exactly applies to the romance of ,jonah4 ,when ,trinculo discovers ,caliban lying on the ground1 he proceeds to investigate the monster4 ,what1 quoth he1 have we here8 a man or a fish8 dead or alive8 ,a fish3 he smells like a fish2 a very ancient and fish-like smell4 ,now that is a most admirable description of the ,book of ,jonah4 ,it has a very ancient and fish-like smell4 ,in fact1 it is about the fishiest of all the fishy stories ever told4 ,sailors' yarns have become proverbial for their audacious and delicious disregard of truth1 and the ,book of ,jonah is briny from beginning to end4 ,it contains only forty-eight verses1 but its brevity is no defect4 ,on the contrary1 that is one of its greatest charms4 ,the mind takes in the whole story at once1 and enjoys it undiluted2 as it were a goblet of the fine generous wine of romance4 ,varying the expression1 the ,book of ,jonah may be called the perfect cameo of ,bible fiction4 ,when the ,book of ,jonah was written no one precisely knows1 nor is it discoverable who wrote it4 ,according to ,matthew ,arnold some unknown man of genius gave to ,christendom the fourth gospel1 and with sublime self-abnegation allowed his name to perish4 ,a similar remark must be made concerning the unknown author who gave to the world this racy story of ,jonah and the whale4 ,we heartily wish his name had been preserved for remembrance and praise4 ,our marginal ,bibles date the ,book of ,jonah b4c4 cir4 #hfb4 ,other authorities give1 the more recent date of b4c4 #hhj as that of the events recorded in it4 ,this chronology will suggest an important reflection later on4 ,the wonderful story of ,jonah and the whale begins in this wise3--,now the word of the ,lord came unto ,jonah1 the son of ,amittai1 saying1 ,arise1 go to ,nineveh1 that great city1 and cry against it2 for their wickedness is come up before me4 ,who ,amittai was1 and whether man or woman1 is a problem still unsolved2 but it is reasonable to suppose the name was that of ,jonah's father1 as the ancient ,jews paid no superfluous attentions to women1 and generally traced descent from the paternal stem alone4 ,amittai belonged to a place called ,gathhepher1 the village of the ,cow's tail1 or1 as otherwise interpreted1 the ,heifer's trough4 ,jonah's tomb is said to have been long shown on a rocky hill near the town2 but whether the old gentleman was ever buried there no man can say4 ,according to ,mr4 ,bradlaugh1 the word ,jonah means a dove1 and is by some derived from an ,arabic root1 signifying to be weak or gentle4 ,another interpretation1 by ,gesenius1 is a feeble1 gentle bird4 ,this refractory prophet was singularly ill-named4 ,if his cognomen was bestowed on him by his parents1 they must have been greatly deceived as to his character4 ,the proverb says that it is a wise son that knows his own father2 and with the history of ,jonah before us1 we may add that it is a wise father who rightly knows his own son4 ,the solicitude of the ,lord ,god of the ,hebrews for the welfare of the ,ninevites is to the sceptical mind an extraordinary phenomenon4 ,it is one of the very few cases in which he shows the slightest concern for any other people than the ,jews4 ,his ordinary practice was to slaughter them wholesale by pestilence or the sword2 and it is therefore very refreshing to meet with such an instance of his merciful care4 ,for once he remembers that the rest of ,adam's posterity are his children1 and possess a claim on his attention4 ,jonah1 however1 did not share this benign sentiment2 and disrelishing the missionary enterprise assigned him1 he rose up to flee unto ,tarshish from the presence of the ,lord4 ,jehovah does not seem to have been omnipresent then2 that attribute attaches to him only since the beginning of the ,christian era1 when he assumed universal sway4 ,long before the time of ,jonah1 another man1 the first ever born in this world1 namely ,cain1 also went out from the presence of the ,lord1 and dwelt in the land of ,nod2 probably so called because the ,lord was not quite awake in that locality4 ,no one knows were ,nod was situated1 nor can the most learned archaeologists denote the actual position of ,tarshish4 ,these two places would be well worth study4 ,a careful examination of them would to some extent reveal what went on in those parts of the world to which ,god's presence did not extend2 and we should be able to compare their geological and other records with those of the rest of the world4 ,no doubt some striking differences would be perceptible4 ,jonah determined to voyage by the ,joppa and ,tarshish line4 ,so he went to the former port and embarked in one of the ,company's ships1 after paying his fare like a man4 ,having a perfectly untroubled conscience1 and no apprehension of his coming troubles1 ,jonah no doubt felt highly elated at having done the ,lord so neatly4 ,perhaps it was this elation of spirits which safe-guarded him from sea-sickness4 ,at any rate he went down into the sides of the ship1 and there slept the sleep of the just4 ,so profound was his slumber1 that it was quite unbroken by the horrible tempest that ensued4 ,the ,lord had his eye on ,jonah1 for the prophet had not yet reached the safe refuge of ,tarshish2 and he sent out a great wind into the sea1 and there was a mighty tempest in the sea1 so that the ship was likely to be broken4 ,the mariners cast forth the wares that were in the ship to lighten her1 and toiled hard to keep afloat2 but their efforts were apparently fruitless1 and nothing lay before them but the certain prospect of a watery grave4 ,the reader will be able to imagine the tumult of the scene2 the dash of ravening waves1 the fierce howling of the wind1 the creaking of masts and the straining of cordage1 the rolling and pitching of the good ship and the shifting of her cargo1 the captain's hoarse shouts of command and the sailors' loud replies1 alternated with frenzied appeals to their gods for help4 ,yet amidst all the uproar ,jonah still slept1 as though the vessel were gaily skimming the waters before a pleasant breeze4 ,let us pause here to interpose a question4 ,did the great wind sent out into the sea by the ,lord confine its attentions to the immediate vicinity of ,jonah's ship1 or did it cause a general tempest and perhaps send some other vessels to ,davy ,jones's locker8 ,as no restrictions are mentioned1 we presume that the tempest was general1 and that the ,lord's wind1 like the ,lord's rain referred to by ,jesus1 fell alike upon the just and the unjust4 ,this circumstance very naturally heightens our previous conception of his righteousness4 ,that the ,lord1 or some other supernatural power1 caused the tempest1 the mariners of ,jonah's ship and their captain never once doubted4 ,living as they did1 and as we do not1 under a miraculous dispensation1 they attributed every unusual1 and especially every unpleasant1 occurrence to the agency of a god4 ,the idea of predicting storms1 with which the civilised world is now familiar1 they would doubtless have regarded as blasphemous and absurd4 ,it is1 therefore1 by no means wonderful that every man on board 7except ,jonah1 who was fast asleep7 called unto his god4 ,ignorant of what god was afflicting them1 they appealed impartially all round1 in the hope of hitting the right one4 ,but the circle of their deities did not include the one which sent the wind2 so the tempest continued to prevail1 despite their prayers4 ,in this extremity a happy thought occurred to the ship-master4 ,it struck him that the strange passenger down below might know something about the tempest1 and that his god might have caused it4 ,forthwith there dawned within him a recollection of words which ,jonah had uttered on embarking4 ,had he not told them that he fled from the presence of the ,lord8 ,dear me1 the captain probably said to himself1 what a fool ,i was not to think of this before4 ,that chap down below is the occasion of all these troubles2 ,i'll go and hunt him up1 confound him6 ,thereupon he doubtless slapped his thigh1 as is the wont of sailors when they solve a difficulty or hit on a brilliant idea2 after which he descended into the sides of the ship1 whither ,jonah had gone4 ,there he found the prophet slumbering as peacefully as a weanling child1 with a smile of satisfaction playing over his ,hebrew features4 ,we can imagine the captain's profound disgust in presence of this scene4 ,he and his men had been toiling and praying1 and1 alas6 pitching the cargo overboard1 in order to save their skins2 and all the while the occasion of their trouble had been lying fast asleep6 ,preserving an outward decorum1 however1 he accosted ,jonah in very mild terms4 ,what meanest thou1 ,o sleeper8 said he1 ,arise1 call upon thy ,god1 if so be that ,god will think upon us1 that we perish not4 ,what exquisite simplicity6 ,it reminds us of the childlike and bland ,sir ,henry ,drummond ,wolff1 when he opposed ,mr4 ,brad-laugh's entry to the ,house of ,commons4 ,that honorable champion of ,almighty ,god objected to ,mr4 ,bradlaugh on the ground that he acknowledged no ,god1 and was thus vastly different from the other members of the ,house1 all of whom believed in some kind of deity or other4 ,you must have a god to be a legislator1 it seems1 even if that god is1 as the ,americans say1 only a little tin ,jesus4 ,so the captain of this tempest-tost ship desired ,jonah to call upon his god4 ,he made no inquiry into the character of the god1 any more than did ,sir ,henry ,drummond ,wolff on a later occasion4 ,it was enough to know that ,jonah had some kind of deity or other4 ,any god would do4 ,now comes the most remarkable episode in this wonderful story4 ,the captain and the crew were aware that ,jonah had fled from the presence of the ,lord1 because he had told them2 they had1 therefore1 every reason to believe that ,jonah's god had caused the tempest4 ,yet1 curiously enough1 instead of at once proceeding on this belief1 they said1 everyone to his fellow1 ,come1 and let us cast lots1 that we may know for whose cause this evil is upon us4 ,this wholly superfluous procedure may1 perhaps1 be attributed to their exceptional love of justice4 ,they wished to make assurance doubly sure before they went for ,jonah4 ,and with sweet simplicity they had recourse to the casting of lots1 in which their wills would be inoperative1 and the whole responsibility of deciding be thrown on the gods1 who alone possessed the requisite information4 ,the lot of course fell upon ,jonah4 ,any other result would have spoiled the story4 ,then1 continues our narrative1 said they unto him1 ,tell us1 we pray thee1 for whose cause this evil is upon us8 ,what is thine occupation8 and whence comest thou8 what is thy country8 and of what people art thou8 ,and he said unto them1 ,i am an ,hebrew1 and ,i fear the ,lord1 the ,god of heaven1 which hath made the sea and the dry land4 ,then were the men exceedingly afraid1 and said unto him1 ,why hast thou done this8 ,for the men knew that he fled from the presence of the ,lord1 because he had told them4 ,then said they unto him1 ,what shall we do unto thee1 that the sea may be calm unto us8 for the sea wrought and was tempestuous4 ,and he said unto them1 ,take me up1 and cast me forth into the sea2 so shall the sea be calm unto you3 for ,i know that for my sake this great tempest is upon you4 ,we are almost dumb with astonishment before this act of self-sacrifice on the part of ,jonah1 for which his previous history left us quite unprepared4 ,who would have thought him capable of such disinterested conduct8 ,his self-abnegation was assuredly heroic1 and may even be called sublime4 ,no doubt the captain and crew of the ship were as much astonished as we are1 and their opinion of ,jonah went up several hundred per cent4 ,they resolved to make a last supreme effort before turning him into a fish-bait4 ,but all their gallant endeavors were discovered to be futile and a mere waste of time4 ,so the men1 more in sorrow than in anger1 finally took ,jonah up and threw him overboard4 ,they had done their best for him1 and now1 finding that they could do no more except at too great a risk1 they sadly left him to do the rest for himself4 ,immediately1 we are told1 the sea ceased from her raging4 ,jonah was oil upon the troubled waters4 ,what an invaluable recipe does this furnish us against the dangers of the deep sea6 ,the surest method of allaying a storm is to throw a prophet overboard4 ,every ship should carry a missionary in case of need4 ,it would1 indeed1 be well if the law made this compulsory4 ,the cost of maintaining the missionary would be more than covered by the saving effected in insurance4 ,here is a splendid field for ,christian self-sacrifice6 ,hundreds of gentlemen who are now engaged in very doubtful labor among the heathen1 might engage in this new enterprise with the absolute certainty of a beneficent result2 for poor ungodly mariners would thus be spared a hasty dispatch from this world without time to repent and obtain forgiveness1 and be allowed ample leisure to secure salvation4 ,when the men saw that the sea ceased from her raging on ,jonah's being cast into her depths1 they feared the ,lord exceedingly1 and offered a sacrifice unto the ,lord1 and made vows4 ,to the sceptical mind it would seem that they had much more reason to fear the ,lord during the continuance of the tempest than after it had subsided4 ,it also seems strange that they should have the means wherewith to offer a sacrifice4 ,perhaps they had a billy-goat on board1 and made him do duty1 in default of anything better4 ,or failing even a billy-goat1 as the ,lord ,god of the ,hebrews could only be propitiated by the shedding of blood1 they perhaps caught and immolated a stray rat4 ,the nature of their vows is not recorded1 but it is not unreasonable to assume that they swore never again to take on board a passenger fleeing from the presence of the ,lord4 ,meanwhile1 what had become of poor ,jonah8 ,most men would be effectually settled if thrown overboard in a storm4 ,but there are some people who were not born to be drowned1 and ,jonah was one of them4 ,he was destined to another fate4 ,the ,lord1 it appears1 had prepared a great fish to swallow up ,jonah1 and the feat was of course duly performed4 ,our narrative does not describe the character of this great fish1 but light is cast on the subject by another passage of ,scripture4 ,in the twelfth chapter of ,st4 ,matthew1 and the fortieth verse1 ,jesus is represented as saying1 ,for as ,jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly2 so shall the ,son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth4 ,the great fish was then a whale4 ,jesus said so1 and there can be no higher authority4 ,sharks and such ravenous fish have an unpleasant habit of chawing their victims pretty considerably before swallowing them2 so1 on the whole1 we prefer to believe that it was a whale4 ,yet the ,levant is a curious place for a whale to be lurking in4 ,the creature must have been miraculously led there to go through its appointed performance4 ,it must also have been prepared1 to use the language of the ,bible1 in a very remarkable way1 for the gullet of a whale is not large enough to allow of the passage of an object exceeding the size of an ordinary herring4 ,swallowing ,jonah must have been a tough job after the utmost preparation4 ,with a frightfully distended throat1 however1 the whale did its best1 and by dint of hard striving at last got ,jonah down4 ,having properly taken ,jonah in out of the wet1 the poor whale doubtless surmised that its troubles had ended4 ,but alas they had only just begun6 ,swallowing a prophet is one thing2 digesting him is another4 ,for three days and three nights the whale struggled desperately to digest ,jonah1 and for three days and nights ,jonah obstinately refused to be digested4 ,never in the entire course of its life had it experienced such a difficulty4 ,during the whole of that period1 too1 ,jonah carried on a kind of prayer meeting1 and the strange rumbling in its belly must have greatly added to the poor animal's discomfort ,at last it grew heartily sick of ,jonah1 and vomited him up on dry land4 ,we have no doubt that it swam away into deep waters1 a sadder but wiser whale2 and that ever afterwards1 instead of bolting its food1 it narrowly scrutinised every morsel before swallowing it1 to make sure it wasn't another prophet4 ,according to its experience1 prophets were decidedly the most unprofitable articles of consumption4 ,we are of course aware that the narrative states that the ,lord spake unto the fish1 and it vomited ,jonah upon the dry land4 ,but this we conceive to be a mere pleasantry on the part of the unknown author4 ,the idea of the ,lord whispering into a whale's ear is ineffably ludicrous3 besides1 the whale had a very natural inclination to rid itself of ,jonah1 and needed no divine prompting4 ,jonah's prayer unto the ,lord his ,god out of the fish's belly is very amusing4 ,there is not a sentence in it which bears any reference to the prophet's circumstances4 ,it is a kind of ,psalm1 after the manner of those ascribed to ,david4 ,our belief is that the author found it floating about1 and thinking it would do for ,jonah1 inserted it in his narrative1 without even taking the trouble to furbish it into decent keeping with the situation4 ,the word of the ,lord came unto ,jonah a second time1 and presuming no more to disobey1 he went to ,nineveh4 ,it is to be supposed1 however1 that he first well-lined his poor stomach1 for both he and the whale had fasted for three days and nights1 and must have been sadly in want of victuals4 ,nineveh1 according to our author1 was a stupendous city of three days' journey4 ,this means its diameter and not its circumference1 for we are told that ,jonah entered into the city a day's journey4 ,if we allow twenty miles as a moderate days' walk1 ,nineveh was sixty miles through from wall to wall1 or about twenty times as large as ,london2 and if densely populated like our metropolis1 it must have contained more than eighty million inhabitants4 ,this is too great a stretch even for a sailor's yarn4 ,our author did not take pains to clear his narrative of discrepancy4 ,in his last verse he informs us that the city contained more than six score thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left4 ,if this number is correct ,nineveh was a large place1 but its dimensions were very much less than those stated in the ,book of ,jonah4 ,jonah obeyed the ,lord this time and began to preach4 ,yet forty days1 cried he1 and ,nineveh shall be overthrown4 ,how the prophet made himself understood is an open question6 ,either the ,lord taught him their language1 or he miraculously enabled them to understand ,hebrew4 ,further1 they worshipped ,baal1 and ,jonah preached to them in the name of his foreign ,god4 ,according to ancient1 and to a large extent modern custom1 we should expect them in such a case to kill the presumptuous prophet1 or at least to shut him up as a madman4 ,yet they did nothing of the kind4 ,on the contrary1 the people of ,nineveh believed ,god4 ,even the king was converted4 ,he covered himself with sackcloth1 and sat in ashes4 ,he also decreed that neither man nor beast in the city should eat or drink anything2 but1 said he1 let man and beast be covered with sackcloth1 and cry mightily unto ,god3 yea1 let them turn every one from his evil way4 ,what an enormous consumption of sackcloth there must have been6 ,the merchants who sold it did a surprising business1 and no doubt quotations went up immensely4 ,we wonder1 indeed1 how they managed to supply such a sudden and universal demand4 ,and what a sight was presented by the whole population of the city6 ,men1 women1 and children1 high and low1 rich and poor1 were all arrayed in the same dingy garments4 ,even the horses1 cows1 pigs and sheep1 were similarly attired4 ,what a queer figure they must have cut6 ,and what an astonishing chorus of prayer ascended to heaven6 ,according to the text1 the beasts had to cry mightily as well as the men4 ,since the confusion of tongues at ,babel1 neither history nor tradition records such a frightful hubbub4 ,their supplications prevailed4 ,god saw their works1 that they had turned from their evil way2 and ,god repented of the evil1 that he had said that he would do unto them2 and he did it not4 ,immutable ,god changes his mind1 infallible ,god repents6 ,god spared ,nineveh1 but only for a brief while1 for it was destroyed a few years later by ,arbaces1 the ,mede4 ,the merciful respite was thus not of long continuance4 ,yet it displeased ,jonah exceedingly4 ,he had been suspicious from the first1 and he only fulfilled ,god's mission under constraint4 ,and now his worst suspicions were confirmed4 ,after he had told the ,ninevites that their city would be overthrown in forty days1 ,god had relented1 and utterly ruined ,jonah's reputation as a prophet4 ,so he made himself a booth outside the city1 and sat in its shadow1 to watch what would happen1 with a deep feeling1 which he plainly expressed to the ,almighty1 that now his reputation was gone he might as well die4 ,the ,lord considerately prepared a gourd1 which grew up over ,jonah's head to protect him from the heat2 at which the sulky prophet was exceedingly glad1 although it would naturally be thought that the booth would afford ample protection4 ,he1 however1 soon found himself sold2 for the ,lord prepared a worm to destroy the gourd1 and when the sun arose he sent a vehement east wind which beat upon poor ,jonah's head1 and made him so faint that he once more asked ,god to despatch him out of his misery4 ,whereupon the ,lord said coaxingly1 ,doest thou well to be angry8 ,and ,jonah pettishly answered1 ,yes1 ,i do4 ,then the ,lord1 with a wonderful access of pathos1 altogether foreign to his general character1 twitted ,jonah with having pity for the gourd and none for the inhabitants of that great city4 ,with this the story concludes4 ,we are unable to say whether the poor prophet1 so wretchedly sold1 ever recovered from his spleen1 or whether it shortened his days and brought him to an untimely grave4 ,the ,book of ,jonah is as true as ,gospel1 for ,jesus endorsed it4 ,the ,bible contains the truth1 the whole truth1 and nothing but the truth4 ,so without expressing any sceptical sentiments1 we will end by repeating ,byron's words1 ,truth is strange--stranger than fiction4 ,,the ,,wandering ,,jews4 ,,bible ,,romances4-,,vii4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ,middle ,ages had a legend of the ,wandering ,jew4 ,this person was supposed to have been doomed1 for the crime of mocking ,jesus at the crucifixion1 to wander over the earth until his second coming4 ,no one believes this now4 ,the true ,wandering ,jews were those slaves whom ,jehovah rescued from ,egyptian bondage1 with a promise that he would lead them to a land flowing with milk and honey1 but whom he compelled to roam the deserts instead for forty years1 until all of them except two had perished4 ,of all the multitude who escaped from ,egypt1 only ,joshua and ,caleb entered the promised land4 ,even ,moses had to die in sight of it4 ,these poor ,wandering ,jews demand our pity4 ,they were guilty of many crimes against humanity1 but they scarcely deserved such treatment as they received4 ,their ,god was worse than they4 ,he was quick-tempered1 unreasonable1 cruel1 revengeful1 and dishonest4 ,few of his promises to them were performed4 ,they worshipped a bankrupt deity4 ,the land of promise was a ,tantalus cup ever held to their lips1 and ever mocking them when they essayed to drink4 ,god was their greatest enemy instead of their best friend4 ,their tortuous path across the wilderness was marked by a track of bleaching bones4 ,all the evils which imagination can conceive fell on their devoted heads4 ,bitten by serpents1 visited by plagues1 cursed with famine and drought1 swallowed by earthquake1 slain by war1 and robbed by priests1 they found ,jehovah a harder despot than ,pharaoh4 ,death was to them a happy release1 and only the grave a shelter from the savagery of ,god4 ,commentators explain that the ,jews who left ,egypt were unfit for the promised land4 ,if so1 they were unfit to be the chosen people of ,god4 ,why were they not allowed to remain in ,egypt until they grew better1 or why was not some other nation selected to inherit ,canaan8 ,at the end of our number on ,the ,ten ,plagues we left the ,jews on the safe side of the ,red ,sea4 ,we must now ask a few questions which we had no space for then4 ,how1 in a period of two hundred and fifteen years1 did the seventy males of ,jacob's house multiply into a nation of over two millions8 ,experience does not warrant belief in such a rapid increase4 ,the ,jewish chroniclers were fond of drawing the long bow4 ,in the book of ,judges1 for instance1 we are told that the ,gileadites1 under1 ,jephthah1 slew #db1jjj ,ephriamites2 and that the ,benjamites slew #dj1jjj ,israelites1 after which the ,israelites killed #dc1jjj ,benjamites1 all of these being men of valor that drew the sword4 ,the book of ,samuel says that the ,philistines had #cj1jjj war chariots1 and that they slew #cj1jjj footmen of ,israel4 ,the second book of ,chronicles says that ,pekah1 king of ,israel1 slew of ,judah in one day #abj1jjj sons of valor1 and carried away #bjj1jjj captives2 that ,abijah's force consisted of #djj1jjj1 and ,jeroboam's of #hjj1jjj1 #ejj1jjj of whom were killed6 ,at the battle of ,waterloo the total number of men killed on our side was #d1agb4 ,the statistics of slaughter in the ,bible were clearly developed from the inner consciousness of the ,jewish scribes2 and no doubt the same holds good with respect to the statistics of the flight from ,egypt4 ,this view is corroborated by a singular statement in the third chapter of ,numbers4 ,we are there informed that when the census was taken ,all the first-born males1 from a month old and upwards of those that were numbered1 were twenty and two thousand two hundred and three score and thirteen4 ,now as there were about #ijj1jjj males altogether1 it follows that every ,jewish mother must have had on an average forty-two sons1 to say nothing of daughters6 ,such extraordinary fecundity is unknown to the rest of the world1 except in the reign of romance4 ,the ,jews bragged a great deal about ,jehovah1 and they appear to have obtained some compensation by bragging a great deal about themselves4 ,how did the ,jews manage to quit ,egypt in one night8 ,there were #fjj1jjj men on foot1 besides women and children1 not to mention the mixed multitude that went up also with them4 ,the entire population must have numbered more than two millions1 and some commentators estimate it at nearly three4 ,they had to come in from all parts of ,goshen to ,rameses1 bringing with them the sick and infirm1 the very old and the very young4 ,among such a large population there could not have been less than two hundred births a day4 ,many of the ,jewish women1 therefore1 must have been just confined4 ,how could they and their new-born children have started off in such a summary manner8 ,many more women must have been at the point of confinement ,how could these have been hurried off at all8 ,yet we are told that not a single person was left behind4 ,how were the flocks and herds driven out in such haste8 ,there were about two million sheep and two hundred thousand oxen4 ,the sheep alone would have required grazing-land as extensive as the whole county of ,bedford1 besides what would have been needed for the oxen4 ,is it credible that all these animals were collected together from such a wide area1 and driven out of ,egypt in one night8 ,yet we are told that not a single hoof was left behind6 ,how did the huge multitude of people march8 ,if they travelled fifty men abreast1 as is supposed to have been the practice in the ,hebrew armies1 the able-bodied warriors alone would have filled up the road for about seven miles1 and the whole multitude would have formed a dense column twenty-two miles long4 ,the front rank would have been two days' journey in advance of the rear4 ,how did the sheep and cattle march8 ,how was it possible for them to keep pace with their human fellow-travellers8 ,they would naturally not march in a compact array1 and the vast drove must therefore have spread widely and lengthened out for miles4 ,what did the drove live upon during the journey from ,barneses to ,succoth1 and from ,succoth to ,etham1 and from ,etham to the ,red ,sea8 ,such grass as there was1 even if the sheep and cattle went before the men1 women1 and children1 could not have been of much avail2 for what was not eaten by the front ranks must have been trodden under foot at once1 and rendered useless to those that followed4 ,after they encamped by the ,red ,sea1 on the third day1 there was no vegetation at all4 ,the journey was over a desert1 the surface of which was composed of hard gravel intermixed with pebbles4 ,after crossing the ,red ,sea1 their road lay over a desert region1 covered with sand1 gravel1 and stone1 for about nine miles2 after which they entered a boundless desert plain1 called ,el ,ati white and painfully glaring to the eye2 and beyond this the ground was broken by sand-hills4 ,how were the two million sheep and two hundred thousand oxen provisioned during this journey8 ,what did the ,jews themselves live on8 ,the desert afforded them no sustenance until ,god miraculously sent manna4 ,they must1 therefore1 have taken a month's provisions for every man1 woman1 and child4 ,how could they possibly have provided themselves with so much food on so short a notice8 ,and how could they have carried it1 seeing that they were already burdened with kneading-troughs and other necessaries for domestic use1 besides the treasures they borrowed of the ,egyptians4 ,how did they provide themselves with tents8 ,allowing ten persons for each tent1 they must have required two hundred thousand4 ,were these carefully got ready in expectation8 ,in the land of ,goshen they lived in houses with lintels and side-posts4 ,and how were the tents carried8 ,the ,jews themselves were already well loaded4 ,of course the oxen remain1 but1 as ,colenso observes1 they were not trained to carry t goods on their backs1 and were sure to prove refractory under such a burden4 ,whence did the ,jews obtain their arms8 ,according to ,exodus 7xiii1 #ah7 the children of ,israel went up harnessed out of the land of ,egypt4 ,the ,hebrew word which is rendered harnessed appears to mean armed or in battle array in all the other passages where it occurs1 and is so translated4 ,some commentators1 scenting a difficulty in this rendering1 urge that the true meaning is by five in a rank4 ,but if #fjj1jjj men marched out of ,egypt five in a rank1 they must have formed a column sixty-eight miles long1 and it would have taken several days to start them all off1 whereas they went out altogether that self-same day4 ,besides1 the ,jews had arms in the desert1 and how could they have possessed them there unless they obtained them in ,egypt8 ,if they went out of ,egypt armed1 why did they cry out sore afraid when ,pharaoh pursued them8 ,according to ,herodotus1 the ,egyptian army1 which formed a distinct caste1 never exceeded #afj1jjj men4 ,why were the ,jews so appalled by less than a third of their own number8 ,must we suppose1 with ,kalisch1 that their bondage in ,egypt had crushed all valor and manhood out of their breasts8 ,josephus gives a different explanation4 ,he says that the day after ,pharaoh's host was drowned in the ,red ,sea1 ,moses gathered together the weapons of the ,egyptians1 which were brought to the camp of the ,hebrews by the current of the sea and the force of the wind assisting it4 ,and he conjectured that this also happened by ,divine ,providence1 that so they might not be destitute of weapons4 ,but1 as ,colenso observes1 though body-armor might have been obtained in this way1 swords1 spears and shields could not in any number4 ,the ,bible1 too1 says nothing about such an occurrence4 ,we must therefore assume that #fjj1jjj well-armed ,jews were such utter cowards that they could not strike a blow for their wives and children and their own liberty against the smaller army of ,pharaoh1 but could only whimper and sigh after their old bondage4 ,yet a month later they fought bravely with the ,amalekites1 and ever afterwards they were as eager for battle as any ,irishman at ,donnybrook3 fair4 ,how can this difference be accounted for8 ,could a nation of hereditary cowards become stubborn warriors in the short space of a month8 ,let us now follow the ,wandering ,jews through the ,desert1 which they should have crossed in a week or two1 but which they travelled up and down for forty years4 ,people who want to make an expeditious journey had better do without a divine guide4 ,coming to ,marah1 they found only bitter water to drink1 at which they began to murmur4 ,but the ,lord showed ,moses a certain tree1 which when cast into the water made it sweet4 ,it must have been a wonderful tree to sweeten water for two millions of people4 ,bitter water1 also1 quenches thirst more readily than sweet1 and it stimulates the appetite1 which would be highly desirable under a fierce relaxing sun4 ,a month after they left ,egypt they came to the wilderness of ,sin4 ,there they began to murmur again4 ,finding themselves without food1 they remembered the flesh pots of ,egypt1 and reproached ,moses with having brought them into the desert to die of hunger4 ,both ,moses and the ,lord seem to have thought it unreasonable on their part to ask for something to eat4 ,oliver ,twist was stared at when he asked for more1 but the ,jews surprised ,god by asking for something to begin with4 ,yet reflecting1 perhaps1 that they were after all unable to live without food1 the ,lord rained down manna from heaven4 ,after the dew evaporated in the morning1 they found this heavenly diet lying on the ground4 ,it was like a coriander seed1 white2 and the taste of it was like wafers made with honey4 ,no doubt the angels subsist on it in paradise4 ,moses preserved a pot of it for the instruction of future generations4 ,the pot has1 however1 not been discovered up to the present day4 ,some future explorers may light upon it in the fulness of time1 and so-help to prove the historical character of the ,pentateuch4 ,the manna1 as might be expected1 had some peculiarities4 ,no matter how much or how little he gathered1 every man found on measuring that he had exactly an omer of it4 ,although it fell regularly every week day1 none fell on ,sunday4 ,a double quantity had1 therefore1 to be gathered on ,saturday4 ,it melted in the sun1 but could nevertheless be baked and seethed4 ,any of it left overnight stank in the morning and bred worms4 ,for forty years the children of ,israel did eat manna4 ,but more than once their gorge rose against it4 ,manna for breakfast1 manna for lunch1 manna for dinner1 manna for tea1 and manna for supper1 was a little more than they could stand1 ,the monotony of their diet became intolerable4 ,accordingly1 we read in the twenty-first chapter of ,numbers1 that they complained of it and asked for a slight change in the bill of fare4 ,there is no bread1 said they1 neither is there any water2 and our soul loatheth this light food4 ,this small request so incensed the ,lord that he sent a lot of fiery serpents among them1 which bit them so that much people of ,israel died4 ,like ,oliver ,twist1 the ,jews quickly repented their presumption4 ,they humbled themselves before ,moses1 and he interceded with ,god for them4 ,the prophet then made a brass serpent and set it on a pole1 and on looking at it all who had been bitten recovered4 ,on another occasion1 as we read in the eleventh of ,numbers1 they were guilty of a similar offence4 ,this time it was the more surprising1 as ,god had just burnt a lot of them up with raging fire for 'complaining4' ,they remembered the fish1 which we did eat in ,egypt freely2 the cucumbers1 and the melons1 and the leeks1 and the onions1 and the garlick4 ,now1 said they1 there is nothing at all1 besides this manna1 before our eyes-,who shall give us flesh to eat8 ,the ,egyptian bill of fare was certainly enough to make their mouths water1 and it proves that if ,pharaoh made them work hard he did not starve them1 as ,jehovah very nearly succeeded in doing4 ,they were so affected by their recollection of the luscious victuals they enjoyed in ,egypt1 that they actually cried with sorrow at their loss4 ,moses heard them weeping1 every man in the door of his tent4 ,this put the ,lord in a very bad temper2 and ,moses1 who seems to have been much less irascible than ,jehovah1 also was displeased4 ,god determined to give them a surfeit4 ,ye shall1 said he1 not eat flesh one day1 nor two days1 nor five days1 neither ten days nor twenty days2 but even a whole month1 until it come out at your nostrils1 and be loathsome unto you4 ,thereupon the ,lord sent a wind which brought quails from the sea4 ,they were so plentiful that they fell in heaps two cubits high for about twenty miles around the camp4 ,that worthy commentator1 the ,rev4 ,alexander ,cruden1 says that the miracle of this occurrence consisted1 not in the great number of quails1 but in their being brought so seasonably to the ,jewish camp4 ,the quantity did not trouble his credulous mind4 ,some authors1 says he1 affirm that in those eastern and southern countries1 quails are innumerable1 so that in one part of ,italy within the compass of five miles1 there were taken about an hundred thousand of them every day for a month together2 and that sometimes they fly so thick over the sea1 that being weary they fall into ships1 sometimes in such numbers1 that they sink them with their weight4 ,the good man's easy reliance on 'some authors4' and his ready acceptance of such fables1 show what credulity is engendered by belief in the ,bible4 ,the ,jews gathered quails for two days and a night1 and joyfully carried them home4 ,but while the flesh was yet between their teeth1 the ,lord smote them with a very great plague1 so that multitudes of them died4 ,poor devils6 ,they were always in hot water4 ,how the sheep and cattle were provisioned the ,bible does not inform us4 ,there was scarcely a nibble of grass to be had in the desert1 and as they could not very well have lived on sand and pebbles1 they must have been supported miraculously4 ,perhaps the authors of the ,pentateuch forgot all about this4 ,not only were the ,jews1 like their flocks and herds1 miraculously supported2 they were also miraculously found in clothes4 ,for forty years their garments and shoes did not wear out4 ,how was this miracle wrought8 ,when matter rubs against matter1 particles are lost by abrasion4 ,did the ,lord stop this process1 or did he collect all the particles that were worn off during the day and replace them by night1 on the soles of shoes1 on the elbows of coats1 and on the knees of pantaloons8 ,if the clothes never wore out1 it is fair to suppose that they remained absolutely unchanged4 ,imagine a toddling urchin1 two years old at the exodus from ,egypt1 wearing the same rig when he grew up to manhood6 ,justin1 however1 says that the clothes grew with their growth4 ,some ,jewish rabbis hold that angels acted as tailors in the wilderness1 and so the garments were all kept straight4 ,but ,augustine1 ,chrysostom1 and other ,fathers abide by the literal interpretation that1 through the blessing of ,god1 the clothes and shoes never wore out1 so that those who grew to manhood were able to hand them over1 as good as new1 to the rising generation4 ,according to this theory1 everybody must have had a poor fit1 unless there was a transference of garments every twelve months or so4 ,the history of the ,wandering ,jews is full of miracles and wonders4 ,it says that all the congregation of ,israel1 numbering over two millions1 assembled at the door of the ,tabernacle4 ,as the whole width of the ,tabernacle was eighteen feet1 only nine men could have stood in front of it2 and therefore the warriors of ,israel alone1 to say nothing of the rest of the population1 if we allow eighteen inches between each rank of nine men1 would have formed a column nearly twenty miles long6 ,we find also that ,moses1 and ,joshua after him1 addressed not only the whole congregation of ,israel1 including men1 women1 and children1 but the mixed multitude of strangers as well4 ,their voices were distinctly heard by a crowded mass of people as large as the entire population of ,london4 ,they must have had stentorian lungs1 or the people must have had a wonderful sense of hearing4 ,when the ,jews were encamped1 according to ,scott's estimate1 they lived in a sort of moveable city1 twelve miles square1 nearly as large as ,london4 ,the people had to go outside this vast camp every day to bring in a supply of water and fuel1 after cutting the latter down where they could find it6 ,all their rubbish had to be carried out in like manner1 for ,jehovah used sometimes to take a walk among them1 and he was highly displeased at seeing dirt4 ,every man1 woman1 and child1 including the old1 the sick1 and the infirm1 had to go outside the camp to attend to the necessities of nature6 ,all the refuse of their multitudinous4 sacrifices had to be lugged out of the camp by the three priests1 ,aaron1 ,eleazer1 and ,itharnar4 ,colenso reckons that the sacrifices alone1 allowing less than three minutes for each1 would have occupied them incessantly during the whole twenty-four hours of every day4 ,the pigeons brought to them daily as sin offer-ings must have numbered about #bfd1 and as these had to be consumed by the three priests1 each of them had to eat #hh pigeons a day1 besides heaps of roast beef and other victuals6 ,soon after the first fall of manna1 the ,jews murmured again because they had no water4 ,whereupon ,moses smote a rock with his magical rod1 and water gushed from it4 ,the precious fluid came just in time to refresh them for their fight with the ,amalekites4 ,these people were very obstinate foes1 and it required a miracle to defeat them4 ,moses ascended a hill and held up his hand4 ,while he did so the ,israelites prevailed1 but when he let down his hand the ,amalekites prevailed4 ,to ensure victory1 ,aaron and ,hur stood on either side of him1 and held up his hands until the sun set4 ,by this means ,joshua discomfited the ,amalekites with great slaughter4 ,moses built an altar to celebrate the event1 and ,god swore that he would have war with ,amelek from generation to generation4 ,as ,jehovah's vengeance was so lasting1 it is no wonder that his worshipers carried on their wars ever afterwards on the most hellish principles4 ,in the thirty-first chapter of ,numbers we read that #ab1jjj ,israelites warred against ,midian4 ,the brag of the chronicler is evident in this number or in those which follow4 ,this little army polished off all the kings of ,midian1 burnt all their cities and castles1 slew #dh1jjj men1 and carried off #ajj1jjj captives1 besides1 #fge1jjj sheep1 #gb1jjj oxen1 and #fa1jjj asses4 ,what prodigious spoil there was in those days6 ,of the captives ,moses ordered #dh1jjj women and #bj1jjj boys to be massacred in cold blood2 while the remaining #cb1jjj women that had not known man by lying with him were reserved for another fate4 ,the ,lord's share of these was thirty-two6 ,they were of course handed over to the priests as his representatives4 ,parsons1 who rail against the immorality of scepticism1 say that this is all true4 ,these ,midianites were a tough lot2 for although they were all killed on this occasion1 and their cities and castles burnt1 we find them a powerful nation again in the sixth of ,judges1 and able to prevail against the ,jews for seven years4 ,another people badly punished by the ,jews were the inhabitants of ,bashan4 ,all their cities were destroyed to the number of sixty4 ,their king1 ,og1 was a gigantic fellow1 and slept on an iron bed twelve feet long4 ,the cities of ,heshbon were destroyed in the same way4 ,all the men1 women1 and children1 were slaughtered4 ,not one was spared4 ,we shall hereafter follow the ,jews under ,joshua4 ,for the present we must content ourselves with a last reference to their wanderings under ,moses4 ,while they were encamped round ,mount ,sinai1 their leader received an invitation to go up and visit ,god who had been staying there for six days4 ,they had much to talk about1 and the interview lasted forty days and forty nights4 ,at the end of it ,moses descended1 carrying with him the ,ten ,commandments1 written by the finger of ,god on two tables of stone4 ,in his absence the ,wandering ,jews had given him up as lost1 and had induced ,aaron to make them a god1 in the shape of a golden calf1 to go before them4 ,this image they were worshipping as ,moses approached the camp1 and his anger waxed so not that he threw down the tables and broke all the ,ten ,commandments at once4 ,he then burnt the calf in fire and ground it to powder1 mixed it with water and made them drink it4 ,he also sent the ,levites among them1 who put three thousand men to the edge of the sword4 ,god wanted to destroy them altogether1 but ,moses held him back4 ,let me alone1 said the ,lord4 ,no1 no1 said ,moses1 just think what the ,egyptians will say2 they'll laugh at you after all as a poor sort of a god2 and remember1 too1 that you are bound by an oath to multiply your people and to let them inherit the land of promise4 ,so the ,lord cooled down1 and wrote out the ,decalogue again on two fresh tables of stone4 ,this ,decalogue is supposed to be the foundation of morality4 ,but long before the time of ,moses moral laws were known and observed in ,egypt1 in ,india1 and among all the peoples that ever lived4 ,moral laws are the permanent conditions of social health1 and the fundamental ones must be observed wherever any form of society exists4 ,their ground and guarantee are to be found in human nature1 and do not depend on a fabulous episode in the history of the ,wandering ,jews4 ,,the ,,tower ,,of ,,babel4 ,,bible ,,romances4--,,viii4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ,bible1 it is frequently asserted1 was never meant to teach us science1 but to instruct us in religion and morality2 and therefore we must not look to it for a faithful account of what happened in the external world1 but only for a record of the inner experiences of mankind4 ,astronomy will inform us how the heavenly bodies came into existence1 and by what laws their motions are governed2 ,geology will acquaint us with the way in which the earth's crust was formed1 and with the length of time occupied by the various stages of the process2 and ,biology will tell us all about the origin and development of living things4 ,god has given us reason1 by exercising which we may gather knowledge and establish sciences1 so as to explain the past1 illustrate the present1 and predict the future2 and as reason is sufficient for all this1 there is no need of a divine revelation in such matters4 ,but as reason is insufficient to teach the will of ,god and the laws of morality1 a divine revelation of these is necessary1 and the ,bible contains it4 ,this plausible contention cannot1 however1 be maintained4 ,the ,bible is not silent with respect to astronomy1 geology1 or biology4 ,it makes frequent and precise statements concerning them1 and in nearly every instance it contradicts scientific truth as we have amply proved in previous numbers of this series4 ,the eleventh chapter of ,genesis gives an explanation of the diversity of languages on the earth4 ,it does this in the truest spirit of romance4 ,philologists like ,max ,mller and ,whitney must regard the story of the ,tower of ,babel1 and the confusion of tongues1 as a capital joke4 ,a great many parsons may still believe it1 but they are not expected to know much4 ,one fact alone is enough to put the philology of ,genesis out of court4 ,the native languages of ,america are all closely related to each other1 but they have no affinity with any language of the ,old ,world4 ,it is therefore clear that they could not have been imported into the ,new ,world by emigrants from the plains of ,central ,asia4 ,the ,genesaic theory is thus proved to be not of universal application1 and consequently invalid4 ,let us come to the ,bible story4 ,some time after the ,flood1 and before the birth of ,abraham1 the whole earth was of one language and one speech2 or1 as ,colenso translates the original1 of one lip1 and of one language4 ,this primitive tongue must have been ,hebrew4 ,god spoke it in ,eden when he conversed with our first parents1 and probably it is spoken in heaven to this day4 ,for all we know it may be spoken in hell too4 ,it probably is1 for the ,devil and his angels lived in heaven before they were turned into hell1 and we may conclude that they took their native language with them4 ,it was spoken by ,adam when he named his wife in ,paradise2 by ,eve1 after the expulsion when she gave names to her sons1 ,cain and ,seth2 by ,lamech1 shortly before the ,flood1 when he explained the name of ,noah2 and indeed1 as ,colenso observes1 it is obvious that the names of the whole series of ,patriarchs from ,adam to ,noah1 and from ,noah onwards1 are in almost every instance pure ,hebrew names4 ,delitzsch1 however1 thinks it comparatively more probable that the ,syriac or ,nabataan tongue1 preserved after the dispersion at ,babylon1 was the one originally spoken4 ,yet he dismisses the possibility of demonstrating it4 ,he supposes that the names of ,adam and the other patriarchs have been altered1 but not so as to lose any of their original meaning2 in other words1 that they have been1 by ,god's grace1 translated with perfect accuracy from the primeval speech4 ,but ,colenso very justly remarks that the original documents do not allude to a process of translation1 and that we have no right to assume it4 ,he also adds that if the authority of ,scripture is sufficient to prove the fact of a primeval language1 it must also prove that this language was ,hebrew4 ,yet the ,bible is wrong1 for ,hebrew could not have been the primitive speech4 ,it is only a ,semitic dialect1 a branch of the ,semitic stem4 ,sanscrit is another stem1 equally ancient2 and according to ,max ,mller and ,bunsen1 both are modifications of an earlier and simpler language4 ,neither has the least affinity with ,chinese1 which again1 like them1 differs radically from the native dialects of ,america4 ,as ,hosea ,biglow sings1 ,john ,p4 ,robinson1 he ,says they didn't know everything down in ,judee4 ,and most certainly they did not know the true origin and development of the various languages spoken by the nations of the earth4 ,the people who dwelt on the earth after the ,deluge1 and all spoke one language1 journeyed from the east1 found a plain in1 the land of ,shinar1 and dwelt there4 ,shinar is another name for ,babylon4 ,after dwelling there no one knows exactly how long1 they said one to another1 ,go to1 let us make brick1 and burn them throughly4 ,and they had brick for stone1 and slime had they for morter4 ,the writer of this story was very fond of short cuts4 ,it took men a long time to learn the art of making bricks2 and the idea of their suddenly saying to each other let us make brick1 and at once proceeding to do so1 is a wild absurdity4 ,having made a lot of bricks1 they naturally wished to do something with them4 ,so they said1 ,go to1 let us build us a city and a tower1 whose top may reach unto heaven2 and let us make us a name1 lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth4 ,how could making a name1 for the information of nobody but themselves1 prevent their dispersion8 ,and how could they resolve to build a city1 when they had never seen one1 and had no knowledge of what it was like8 ,cities are not built in this manner4 ,rome wasn't built in a day is a proverb which applies to all other places as well4 ,london1 ,paris1 and ,rome1 are the growth of centuries1 and the same must have been true of ancient capitals4 ,the reason assigned by ,scripture for the work of these primitive builders is plainly inadequate4 ,a more probable reason is that they mistrusted ,god's promise never again to destroy the earth with a flood1 and therefore determined to build a high tower1 so that1 if another deluge came1 they might ascend above the waters1 or1 if need be step clean into heaven itself4 ,their lack of faith is not surprising4 ,we find the same characteristic on the part of believers in our own day4 ,they believe in ,god's promises only so far as it suits their interest and convenience4 ,scripture says1 ,whoso giveth unto the poor lendeth unto the ,lord4 ,yet there are thousands of rich ,christians who seem to mistrust the security4 ,how high did these primitive builders think heaven was8 ,according to ,colenso1 they said1 ,come1 let us build for us a city1 and a tower with its head in heaven4 ,did they really think they would ever succeed in building so high8 ,perhaps they did1 for their ,natural ,philosophy was extremely limited4 ,they doubtless imagined the blue vault of heaven as a solid thing1 in which were stuck the sun1 moon1 and stars1 and no higher than the sailing clouds4 ,their simple ignorance is intelligible1 but how can we explain the ignorance of ,god8 ,their project alarmed him4 ,he actually came down to see the city and the tower which the children of men builded4 ,heaven was too distant for him to see from with accuracy1 and telescopes were not then invented4 ,a close inspection led him to believe that his ambitious children would succeed in their enterprise4 ,they thought they might build into heaven1 and he thought so too4 ,what was to be done8 ,if they once got into heaven1 it might be very difficult to turn them out again4 ,it took several days' hard fighting to expel ,satan and the rebellious angels on a previous occasion1 and these newcomers might be still more obstinate4 ,in this dangerous extremity1 the ,lord said unto whom is unknown1 ,behold1 the people is one1 and they have all one language2 and this they begin to do3 and now nothing will be restrained from them which they have imagined to do4 ,go to1 let us go down1 and there confound their language1 that they may not understand one another's speech4 ,why did the ,lord resolve to take all this trouble8 ,had he forgotten the law of gravitation and the principles of architecture8 ,was he1 who made the heaven and the earth1 ignorant of the distance between them8 ,he had only to let the people go on building1 and they would eventually confound themselves2 for1 after reaching a certain height1 the tower would tumble about their ears4 ,gravitation would defeat the cohesion of morter ,why did not ,god leave them alone8 ,why did he take so much unnecessary trouble8 ,the answer is that this ,lord was only ,jehovah of the ,jews1 a tribal god1 who naturally knew no more about the facts and laws of science than his worshippers who made him4 ,the ,lord carried out his resolution4 ,he confounded their language1 so that no man could understand his neighbors4 ,probably this judgment was executed in the night2 and when they awoke in the morning1 instead of using the old familiar tongue1 one man spoke ,chinese1 another ,sanscrit1 another ,coptic1 another ,american1 another ,dutch1 another ,double ,dutch1 and so on to the end of the chapter4 ,according to the ,bible1 this is the true philology4 ,no language on the earth is more than four thousand years old1 and every one was miraculously originated at ,babel4 ,is there a single philologist living who believes this8 ,we do not know one4 ,the result of this confusion of tongues was that the people left off to build the city1 and were scattered1 abroad on the face of all the earth4 ,but why did they disperse8 ,their common weakness should have kept them together4 ,society is founded upon our wants4 ,our necessity1 and not our self-sufficience1 causes association and mutual helpfulness4 ,had these people kept company for a short time1 they would have understood each other again4 ,a few common words would have come into general use1 and the building of the tower might have been resumed4 ,how was their language confounded8 ,did ,god destroy their verbal memory8 ,did he paralyse a part of their brain1 so that1 although they remembered the words1 they could not speak them8 ,did he affect the organs of articulation1 so that the sounds of the primeval language could not be reproduced8 ,will some theologian kindly explain this mystery8 ,language is not a gift1 but a growth4 ,different tribes and nations have had different experiences1 different wants1 and different surroundings1 and the result is a difference in their languages1 as well as in their religious ideas1 political organisations1 and social customs4 ,before we leave this portion of the subject1 we beg to introduce ,milton again4 ,in the last ,book of ,paradise ,lost he adds from his fertile imagination to the ,bible story1 and supplies a few deficiencies about which the mind is naturally curious4 ,he makes the ,archangel ,michael tell poor ,adam and ,eve1 as part of his panoramic description of future times1 that a mighty hunter shall arise1 claiming dominion over his fellows1 and gather under him a band of adherents4 ,this is clearly ,nimrod4 ,milton separates him and his subjects from the rest of mankind1 and represents them as the people who settled on the plain in the land of ,shinar4 ,according to our great poet1 therefore1 the confusion of tongues applied only to them1 and the other inhabitants of the earth retained the primeval language in all its original purity4 ,this detachment1 says ,michael-- ,marching from ,eden towards the west1 shall find ,the plain1 wherein a black bituminous gurge1 ,boils out from underground1 the mouth of ,hell3 ,of brick1 and of that stuff they cast to build ,a city and a tower1 whose top may reach to ,heaven2 ,and get themselves a name1 lest1 far dispersed ,in foreign lands1 their memory be lost1 ,regardless whether good or evil fame4 ,but ,god1 who oft descends to visit men ,unseen1 and through their habitations walks ,to mark their doings1 them beholding soon1 ,comes down to see their city1 ere the tower ,obstruct ,heav'n-tow'rs1 and in derision sets ,upon their tongue a various spirit to rase ,quite out their native language1 and instead ,to sow a jangling noise of words unknown4 ,forthwith a hideous gabble rises loud ,among the builders2 each to other calls ,not understood1 till hoarse1 and all in rage1 ,as mock'd1 they storm3 great laughter was in ,heaven1 ,and looking down1 to see the hubbub strange ,and hear the din2 thus was the building left ,ridiculous1 and the work ,confusion named4 ,if the ,tower of ,babel was built over the mouth of ,hell it would be wise to explore its site and make proper excavations1 so as to settle the geography and physical character of the bottomless-pit4 ,the ,churches are sadly in want of a little information about hell1 and here is an opportunity for them to acquire it1 ,we hope the explorers will all be selected for their extreme piety1 so that they may be as fire-proof as ,shadrach1 ,meshach1 and ,abednego1 and happily escape cremation4 ,because the ,lord did there confound their language the place was called ,babel4 ,the ,hebrew root1 balal to confound1 is not1 however1 that from which the word ,babel is derived1 ,it is a compound of ,bel1 and may mean the ,house of ,bel1 ,court of ,bel1 or ,gate of ,bel4 ,some1 including ,professor ,rawlinson1 suppose it be a compound of ,el or il1 in which case ,bab-,el means the ,gate of ,god4 ,it is evident that the story of the ,tower of ,babal was borrowed by the ,jehovist author of this part of ,genesis from the tradition of the famous unfinished ,temple of ,belus1 one of the wonders of antiquity4 ,birs ,nimroud is thus described by ,kalisch3-- ,the huge heap1 in which bricks1 stone1 marble1 and basalt1 are irregularly mixed1 covers a surface of #di1jjj feet2 while the chief mound is nearly #cjj feet high1 and from #bjj to #djj feet in width1 commanding an extensive view over a country of utter desolation4 ,the ,tower consisted of seven distinct stages or square platforms1 built of kiln-burnt bricks1 each about twenty feet high1 gradually diminishing in diameter4 ,the upper part of the brickwork has a vitrefied appearance2 for it is supposed that the ,babylonians1 in order to render their edifices more durable1 submitted them to the heat of the furnace2 and large fragments of such vitrefied and calcined materials are also intermixed with the rubbish at the base4 ,this circumstance may have given rise to1 or at least countenanced1 the legend of the destruction of the ,tower by heavenly fire1 still extensively adopted among the ,arabians4 ,the terraces were devoted to the planets1 and were differently colored in accordance with the notions of ,saban astrology--the lowest1 ,saturn's1 black2 the second1 ,jupiter's1 orange2 the third1 ,mars1 red2 the fourth1 the ,sun's1 yellow2 the fifth1 ,venus's1 white2 the sixth1 ,mercury's1 blue2 the seventh1 the ,moon's1 green4 ,merodach-adan-akhi is stated to have begun it ,b4,c4 #aajj4 ,it was finished five centuries afterwards by ,nebuchadnezzar1 who left a part of its history on two cylinders1 which have lately been excavated on the spot1 and thus deciphered by ,rawlinson4 ',the building1 named the ,planisphere1 which was the wonder of ,babylon1 ,i have made and finished4 ,with bricks1 enriched with lapis lazuli1 ,i have exalted its head4 ,behold now the building1 named ,the ,stages of the ,seven ,spheres1 which was the wonder of ,borsippa1 had been built by a former king4 ,he had completed forty-two cubits of height3 but he did not finish the head4 ,from the lapse of time it became ruined4 ,they had not taken care of the exit of the waters2 so the rain and wet had penetrated into the brickwork4 ,the casing of burnt brick lay scattered in heaps4 ,then ,merodach1 my great lord1 inclined my heart to repair the building4 ,i did not change its site1 nor did ,i destroy its foundation-platform4 ,but1 in a fortunate month1 and upon an auspicious day1 ,i undertook the building of the raw-brick terrace and the burnt-brick casing of the ,temple4 ,i strengthened its foundation1 and ,i placed a titular record on the part which ,i had rebuilt4 ,i set my hand to build it up1 and to exalt its summit4 ,as it had been in ancient times1 so ,i built up its structure4 ,as it had been in former days1 thus ,i exalted its head4' ,professor ,rawlinson assigns ,b4,c4 #bcjj as the date of the building of the ,temple4 ,but as ,colenso remarks1 his reasoning is very loose4 ,his date1 however1 is antecedent to the supposed time of the building of ,babel1 and according to his own chronology the latter may have been a tradition of the former4 ,add to this that the ruins of ,birs ,nimroud are extant1 while there is no vestige of the ruins of ,babel4 ,according to ,kalisch's chronology1 ,birs ,nimroud was built long after the supposed time of ,moses2 and if he wrote the ,pentateuch our position cannot be maintained4 ,but he did not write the ,pentateuch or any portion of it4 ,the writer of the ,jehovist portion of ,genesis1 which contains the story of the ,tower of ,babel1 certainly did not flourish before the time of ,solomon1 about b4c4 #ajae--ige4 ,here1 then1 is an interval of a century4 ,that is a short period for the growth of a legend4 ,yet1 as ,colenso observes1 as the tower was apparently an observatory1 and the fact of its being dedicated to the seven ancient planets shows that astronomical observations had made considerable progress among the ,chaldeans at the time when it was built1 the traditions connected with it may have embodied stories of a much earlier date1 to which the new building gave fresh currency4 ,the ,temple of ,jupiter ,belus with its tower was partially destroyed by ,xerxes b4c4 #dij2 upon which1 says ,kalisch1 the fraudulent priests appropriated to themselves the lands and enormous revenues attached to it1 and seem1 from this reason1 to have been averse to its restoration4 ,a part of the edifice still existed more than five centuries later1 and was mentioned by ,pliny4 ,but the other part was1 in the time of ,alexander the ,great1 a vast heap of ruins4 ,he determined to rebuild it1 but desisted from the enterprise1 when he found that ten thousand workmen could not remove the rubbish in two months4 ,benjamin of ,tudela described it in the twelfth century1 after which1 for more than six hundred years1 it remained unnoticed and unknown4 ,the ruins were rediscovered by ,niebuhr in #agef2 subsequent explorers more accurately described them2 and they were thoroughly examined1 and their monumental records deciphered1 about thirty years ago4 ,the myth attaching to it is not unique4 ,as ,kalisch observes1 most of the ancient nations possessed myths concerning impious giants1 who attempted to storm heaven1 either to share it with the immortal gods1 or to expel them from it4 ,and even the orthodox ,delitzsch allows that the ,mexicans have a legend of a tower-building1 as well as of a ,flood4 ,xelhua1 one of the seven giants rescued in the flood1 built the great pyramid of ,cholula1 in order to reach heaven1 until the gods1 angry at his audacity1 threw fire upon the building1 and broke it down1 whereupon every separate family received a language of its own4 ,to lessen the force of this1 ,delitzsch says that the ,mexican legend has been much colored by its narrators1 chiefly ,dominicans and ,jesuits2 but he is obliged to admit that there is great significance in the fact that the ,mexican terrace-pyramid closely resembles the construction of the ,temple of ,belus4 ,no argument can vitiate the conclusion that as similar myths to that of ,genesis abounded in ancient times1 it is highly illogical to attach particular importance to any one of them4 ,if one is historic1 all are historic4 ,we are justified in holding that the ,jewish story of the ,tower of ,babel is only a modification of the older story of the ,temple of ,belus4 ,we will conclude this ,number by mentioning a few facts1 not speculations1 which are exceedingly curious1 and which present grave difficulty to the orthodox believer4 ,according to the ,bible1 in ,abraham's time1 not four centuries after the ,deluge1 the descendants of ,noah's three sons had multiplied into the four great kingdoms of ,shinar 7,babylon71 ,elam1 ,egypt1 and ,gerar1 besides a multitude of smaller nations4 ,does any instructed man believe in the possibility of such multiplication8 ,it is altogether incredible4 ,some of these nations had reached a high degree of civilisation4 ,indeed1 the temples1 tombs1 pyramids1 manners1 customs1 and arts of ,egypt betoken a full-grown nation4 ,the sculptures of the ,fourth ,dynasty1 the earliest extant1 and which must be assigned to the date of about #cejj b4c41 are almost as perfect as those of her ,augustan age1 two thousand years later4 ,professor ,rawlinson seeks to obviate this difficulty by appealing to the version of the ,seventy instead of to the ,hebrew text1 by which he obtains the remote antiquity of #haei ,b4,c41 instead of #bhdh1 for the ,deluge4 ,but this chronology does not reach within four hundred years of the civilisation denoted by the sculptures referred to6 ,and there must have been milleniums of silent progress in ,egypt before that period4 ,on the ancient monuments of ,egypt the negro head1 face1 hair1 form1 and color1 are the same as we observe in our own day4 ,consequently1 the orthodox believer must hold that1 in a few generations1 the human family branched out into strongly marked varieties4 ,history discountenances this assumption1 and ,biology plainly disproves it4 ,archdeacon ,pratt supposes that ,shem1 ,ham1 and ,japheth had in them elements differing as widely as the ,asiatic1 the ,african1 and the ,european1 differ from each other4 ,he forgets that they were brothers1 sons of the same father and presumably of the same mother6 ,such extraordinary evolution throws ,darwinism into the shade4 ,noah lived fifty-eight years after the birth of ,abraham4 ,shem lived a hundred and ten years after the birth of ,isaac1 and fifty years after the birth of ,jacob4 ,how was it that neither ,abraham1 ,isaac1 nor ,jacob knew either of them4 ,they were the most interesting and important men alive at the time4 ,they had seen the world before the ,flood4 ,one of them had seen people who knew ,adam4 ,they had lived through the confusion of tongues at ,babel1 and were well acquainted with the whole history of the world4 ,yet they are never once mentioned in ,scripture during all the centuries they survived their exit from the ark4 ,why is this8 ,noah before his death was the most venerable man existing4 ,he was five hundred years older than any other man4 ,he must have been an object of universal regard4 ,yet we have no record of the second half of his career2 no account is given of his burial2 no monument was erected to his memory4 ,who will explain this astounding neglect8 ,the ,bible is a strange book1 and they are strange people who believe it4 ,,balaam',s ,,ass4 ,,bible ,,romances4--,,ix4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,the ass has figured extensively in romance4 ,his long ears and peculiar bray are explained by a story which goes back to the ,flood4 ,on that occasion1 it is said1 the male donkey was inadvertently left outside the ark1 but being a good swimmer1 he nevertheless managed to preserve his life4 ,after many desperate efforts he at last succeeded in calling out the patriarch's name1 as nearly as the vocal organs of a jackass would allow4 ,no-ah1 ,no-ah1 cried the forlorn beast4 ,noah's attention was at last aroused1 and on looking out of window to see who was calling1 he perceived the poor jackass almost spent and faintly battling with the waves4 ,quickly opening the window1 he caught ,neddy by the two ears and hauled him in4 ,this he did with such vigor that ,neddy's aural appendages were considerably elongated2 and ever since donkeys have had long ears1 and brayed ,no-ah1 ,no-ah at the approach of wet weather4 ,for the sake of ,christians who are not well acquainted with ,god's ,word1 we add that this story is not in the ,bible4 ,classical scholars and students of modern literature know how the ass has been treated by poets and romancers4 ,the stolid animal has generally been made the subject of comedy4 ,drunken and impotent ,silenus1 in the ,pagan mythology1 joins in the professions of ,bacchus on a sober ass1 and the patient animal staggers beneath the heavy burden of a fat-paunched tipsy god4 ,apulius and ,lucian transform the hero of their common story into an ass1 and in that shape he encounters the most surprising experiences4 ,voltaire makes an ass play a wonderful part in his ,pucelle4 ,and in all these cases it is worth noticing how the profane wits remember the ass's relation to ,priapian mysteries1 from his fabled interruption of the garden-god's attempt on the nymph ,lotis downwards1 and assign to him marvellous amatory adventures4 ,erasmus1 in his ,praise of ,folly1 does not forget the ass1 with whom he compares the majority of men for stupidity1 obstinacy1 and lubricity2 nor is the noble animal forgotten by ,rabelais1 who cracks many a joke and points many a witticism at his expense4 ,our own genial humorist1 ,charles ,lamb1 confesses however to a deep tenderness for ,neddy1 and dwells with delight on the protection which his thick hide affords against the cruel usuage of man4 ,he has1 says ,lamb1 a tegument impervious to ordinary stripes4 ,the malice of a child or a weak hand can make feeble impressions on him4 ,his back offers no mark to a puny foeman4 ,to a common whip or switch his hide presents an absolute-insensibility4 ,you might as well pretend to scourge a schoolboy with a tough pair of leather breeches on4 ,lamb also quotes the following passage from a tract printed in #aeie1 entitled ,the ,noblenesse of the ,asse2 a ,work ,rare1 ,learned1 and ,excellent3 ,he refuseth no burden2 he goes whither he is sent1 without any contradiction4 ,he lifts not his foote against any one2 he bytes not2 he is no fugitive1 nor malicious affected4 ,he doth all-things in good sort1 and to his liking that hath cause to employ him4 ,if strokes be given him1 he cares not for them4 ,true1 the ass is not much given to kicking or biting1 but he has an awkward knack of quietly lying down when he is indisposed to work1 and of rolling over with equal quietude if a rider happens to be on his back4 ,but the old author is so enchanted with the asse that he does not stay to notice this scurvy trick4 ,he even goes on to express his liking for the ass's bray1 calling ,neddy a rare musitian1 and saying that to heare the musicke of five or six voices changed to so many of asses is amongst them to heare a song of world without end4 ,sterne1 in his ,sentimental ,journey1 has a chapter entitled ,the ,dead ,ass1 wherein the animal is lifted into the sphere of pathos4 ,and lastly1 ,coleridge has some very pious musings on an ass1 wherein the animal is lifted into the sphere of religion4 ,now1 dear reader1 you begin to see the drift of this long exordium1 although my purpose was indeed twofold4 ,first1 ,i wished1 after the example of my betters in literature1 to give you a slight glimpse of the immense extent of my learning4 ,secondly1 ,i wished to lead you through the various stages of literary treatment of the ass1 from the comic to the pathetic1 and finally to-the religious1 in order that you might approach in a proper frame of mind the consideration of ,balaam's ass1 who is the most remarkable of all the four-legged asses mentioned in the ,bible4 ,there were others4 ,asses were being sought by ,saul1 the son of ,kish1 when he found a kingdom of subjects instead4 ,jesus rode into ,jerusalem on an ass1 and also apparently on a colt1 having probably one leg over each4 ,with the jawbone of an ass ,samson slew a thousand ,philistines2 and if the rest of the animal accorded with that particular bone1 he must have been a tough ass indeed4 ,but all these are of little interest or importance beside the wonderful ass of the prophet ,balaam1 whose history is contained1 with that of his master1 in the twenty-second1 twenty-third1 and twenty-fourth chapters of the ,book of ,numbers4 ,soon after the ,wandering ,jews in the desert were plagued by fiery serpents for asking ,moses to give them a slight change in their monotonous bill of fare1 they warred against the ,amorites and pretty nearly exterminated them4 ,whereupon ,balak the son of ,zippor1 king of ,moab1 grew sore afraid4 ,he called together the elders of ,midian with those of ,moab1 and said that in his opinion the ,jews would lick them all up as the ox licked up the grass of the field4 ,against such a ferocious gang as the ,jews1 with a bloody ,god of ,battles to help them1 human valor promised little success2 so ,balak resolved to solicit supernatural aid4 ,accordingly he sent messengers unto ,balaam the son of ,beor1 a renowned and potent soothsayer1 desiring him to come and curse the people of ,israel4 ,the ,king had implicit confidence in ,balaam4 ,whom thou blessest1 said he1 is blessed1 and whom thou cursest is cursed4 ,this great prophet must have wrought prodigious wonders in his time to gain so magnificent a reputation2 and if the king's panegyric on him was true1 he must have been a dangerous person to those who annoyed him and made him swear4 ,the elders of ,moab and the elders of ,midian1 who were ,balak's messengers1 went to ,pethor1 where ,balaam resided4 ,as the reader might expect1 they did not go empty-handed1 but took with them the rewards of divination4 ,what these were we are not told4 ,no doubt they were very handsome4 ,the prophetical business requires large profits to compensate for the absence of quick returns2 and in any case it is not to be supposed that a man who can do what no one else can1 will begin work without a heavy retaining fee4 ,we conclude that ,balaam1 like nearly every prophet mentioned in history1 had a good eye for the main chance1 and did not trust very much in the bounty of the gods4 ,he was never hard up for bread and cheese while other people were hard up for divine assistance1 and as that was an ignorant and credulous age1 we presume that his larder was well-stocked4 ,he must1 indeed1 have had a fine time1 for he was the biggest pot in his own line of business in all that district4 ,balaam knew his business well4 ,it would never do for a prophet1 a soothsayer1 a wizard1 or a diviner1 to give prompt answers to his applicants1 or even to make his answers plain when he does give them4 ,that would render the profession cheap and rob it of mystery4 ,so ,balaam1 therefore1 said to the messengers1 ,lodge here this night1 and ,i will bring you word again1 as the ,lord shall speak unto me4 ,now this reference to the ,lord is very surprising4 ,the ,moabites worshipped ,baal1 and no doubt they had the utmost contempt for ,jehovah4 ,yet ,balaam1 who was a prophet of their religion1 tells them that he will consult the god of ,israel on the subject of their visit6 ,this is one of the self-contradictions with which the ,bible abounds4 ,the next incident of the story is no less remarkable4 ,god1 the infinite spirit of the universe1 paid ,balaam a visit2 and although he knows everything1 past1 present1 and to come1 he asked the prophet ,what men are these with thee8 ,balaam gave a straightforward reply1 for he doubtless knew that prevarication and subterfuge were useless with ,god4 ,said he1 ,balak the son of ,zippor1 ,king of ,moab1 has sent unto me1 saying1 ,behold there is a people come out of ,egypt1 which covereth the face of the earth3 come now1 curse me them2 peradventure ,i shall be able to overcome them and drive them out4 ,the precision of ,balaam's language is admirable1 and so is its accuracy4 ,he neither desired to keep the ,lord in suspense1 nor to leave him in ignorance of necessary details4 ,god's answer was equally brief and perspicuous3 ,thou shalt not go with them2 thou shalt not curse the people3 for they are blessed4 ,this interview between ,god and ,balaam1 like the following ones1 occurred in the night4 ,the ,lord seems to have been always afraid of daylight1 or else to have had a peculiar fondness for the dark4 ,perhaps he thought that during the night there was less chance of the conversation being interrupted1 and it is well known that the ,lord loves privacy and does not like conversing with more than one at a time4 ,he agrees with us that two's company and three's none4 ,in the morning ,balaam got out of bed and told ,balak's messengers to return and say that the ,lord would not let him come2 and they at once set out for the capital4 ,balak1 however1 was not to be so easily put off4 ,he seems to have regarded the prophet's talk about the ,lord's prohibition as all my eye4 ,perhaps1 said he to himself1 my messengers were small fry in the sight of ,balaam1 and he is therefore displeased4 ,my presents also may have been too small ,i should have recollected that ,balaam has a very exalted opinion of himself1 and is renowned for his avarice4 ,what a stupid ,i was1 to-be sure4 ,however1 ,i'll try again4 ,this time ,i'll send a deputation of big guns1 and promise him great wealth and high position in the state4 ,he can't refuse such a tempting offer4 ,straight-way he sent yet again princes1 more and more honorable than those who went before1 and commanded them to urge ,balaam to let nothing hinder him from coming4 ,balaam slightly resented this treatment4 ,he told the messengers-that if ,balak would give him his house full of silver and gold1 he could not go beyond the word of the ,lord1 to do more or less4 ,yet he apparently deemed it politic to make another trial4 ,he was1 of course1 quite aware that ,god is unchangeable1 but somehow he thought the ,lord might alter his mind4 ,so he bade the messengers to tarry there that night while he consulted ,god afresh4 ,balaam's expectation was realised4 ,the ,lord did change his mind4 ,he came unto ,balaam at night1 and said unto him1 ,if the men come to call thee1 rise up and go with them2 but yet the word which ,i shall say unto thee1 that shalt thou do4 ,so the prophet rose up in the morning1 saddled and mounted his wonderful ass1 and went off with the princes of ,moab4 ,poor ,balaam1 however1 did not reflect that as the ,lord had changed his mind once he might change it twice1 and the omission very nearly cost him his life4 ,he was unfortunately ignorant of what happened to ,moses on a similar occasion4 ,after the ,lord had dispatched the ,jewish prophet to ,egypt to rescue his people from bondage1 he met him at an inn1 where perhaps they both put up for the night1 and sought to kill him4 ,the same thing happened now4 ,no sooner had ,balaam set out on his journey than ,god's anger was kindled against him because he went4 ,this ,jehovah is a queer ,god and dreadfully hard to please4 ,if you don't obey his orders you run the risk of being damned1 and if you do you stand a good chance of being murdered4 ,the only safe course is to get out of his way and have nothing to do with him4 ,the angel of the ,lord stood in ,balaam's path1 with a drawn sword in his hand1 ready to kill the prophet whose only crime was having done exactly what he was told4 ,but neither ,balaam nor his two servants saw him4 ,the ass1 however1 had better eyesight4 ,being only an ass1 and not a man1 he had a greater aptitude for seeing angels4 ,not liking the look of this formidable stranger1 ,neddy bolted from the pathway into a field4 ,balaam1 who saw no reason for such behavior except sheer perverseness1 began to whack his ass and tried to turn him 99 into the right road4 ,neddy succumbed to this forcible argument and jogged on again4 ,the angel of the ,lord had apparently1 in the meantime1 made himself invisible even to a jackass4 ,his intention was ultimately to kill ,balaam1 but he delayed the fatal stroke in order to make the most of the comedy which he foresaw4 ,going a little in front1 he stood in a path of the vineyards1 a wall being on this side1 and a wall on that ,neddy caught sight of the angel again1 and being unable this time to bolt into the field1 he lurched against the wall1 and gave ,balaam's foot a good scrunching4 ,still the prophet suspected nothing out of the common1 for that was an ordinary trick of refractory asses4 ,poor ,neddy1 therefore1 got another thrashing4 ,then the angel of the ,lord went on further1 and stood in a narrow place1 where there was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left4 ,neddy estimated the certain penalty of refusing to proceed and the probable penalty of going forward4 ,after comparing them he decided to stop where he was1 and then quietly laid down4 ,balaam's anger was once more kindled by this stupid obstinacy1 and he whacked the ass again with his staff4 99 ,balaam's ass was a she1 but the sex is immaterial1 and as we commenced with the masculine gender we will continue with it4 ,then the ,lord intervened1 and brought about the most extraordinary incident of this wonderful story4 ,he opened the mouth of the ass1 and lo6 instead of braying ,neddy spoke4 ,without a note of preparation he began to upbraid his master in good ,moabitish4 ,what have ,i done1 said he1 that thou hast smitten me these three times4 ,singular to relate1 ,balaam was not in the least astonished at hearing an ass speak4 ,he took it as quite an ordinary occurrence4 ,one is almost inclined to think that the prophet and his donkey had held many a conversation before4 ,in the ,bible no one ever is astonished at anything1 however wonderful4 ,when the serpent accosted ,eve in the garden of ,eden1 she was not at all surprised1 but went on with the colloquy as though talking serpents were common things4 ,if a dumb animal were nowadays to address a man with ,how d'ye do8 he would certainly be very much startled2 but when the same thing occurred in the old ,bible days1 the man at once replied ,very well1 thank you1 how are you8 ,balaam promptly answered the ass's question4 ,because1 said he1 thou hast mocked me3 ,i would there were a sword in mine hand1 for now would ,i kill thee4 ,then the ass rejoined1 ,am not ,i thine ass1 upon which thou hast ridden ever since ,i was thine unto this day8 ,was ,i ever wont to do so unto thee8 ,this was a poser4 ,balaam scratched his head and reflected1 but at last he was obliged to say ,nay4 ,neddy had so far the best of the argument4 ,but ,balaam had the practical argument of the stick left1 and no doubt he was about to convince the donkey with it4 ,all arguments1 practical or otherwise1 would however have left the dispute exactly where it stood4 ,neddy saw the angel1 and that was enough for him4 ,balaam did not see the angel1 but only ,neddy's obstinate stupidity4 ,in short1 they reasoned from different premises1 and could not therefore arrive at the same conclusion4 ,they might have argued till doomsday had not the ,lord again intervened4 ,he opened ,balaam's eyes1 so that he also saw the angel of the ,lord standing in the way1 and his sword drawn in his hand4 ,then ,balaam bowed his head1 and fell flat on his face1 and there he and ,neddy laid side by side1 two asses together4 ,now1 dear reader1 you will observe that the ass1 being indeed an ass1 saw the angel first1 and that ,balaam1 who was a wise man1 did not see the angel until his wits were disordered by the wonder of a talking donkey4 ,does this not bear out great ,bacon's remark that in all superstition1 wise men follow fools8 ,and may we not say1 that if asses did not see angels first1 wise men would never see them after8 ,the angel of the ,lord said to ,balaam1 while he remained flat on his face1 ,wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times8 behold1 ,i went out to withstand thee1 because thy way is perverse before me3 and the ass saw me1 and turned from me these three times3 unless she had turned from me1 surely now also ,i had slain thee1 and saved her alive4 ,the moral of this is that asses stand the best chance of salvation1 and that wise men run a frightful risk of damnation until they lose their wits4 ,balaam recognised the awful mess he was in1 and being by this time as limp as a wet rag1 he made the most abject apology4 ,i have sinned1 he said1 for ,i knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me4 ,this strange reasoning shows still more clearly how the poor prophet had taken leave of his senses4 ,he had not sinned at all1 for he was strictly obeying ,god's commands2 nor was it his fault that the angel remained so long invisible4 ,when the ,lord opened his eyes1 and made his vision like unto the vision of an ass1 he saw the angel plainly enough2 and how could he possibly have done so before8 ,i'll go back1 added ,balaam1 thinking that if he sinned so greatly in going forward1 he had better return home4 ,but the angel of the ,lord1 who had intended to kill him for advancing1 now told him to go with the men4 ,and ,balaam went with them1 keeping his weather eye open during the rest of the journey4 ,balak was heartily glad to see ,balaam4 ,the prophet had been a long time coming1 but better late than never4 ,the next day they went up into the high places of ,baal1 from which they could see the utmost part of the people of ,israel4 ,there they are1 said ,balak1 confound them6 leprous slaves out of ,egypt1 bent on stealing other people's lands1 and sticking to all they can lay hands on2 bloodthirsty vagabonds1 who fight people with whom they have no quarrel1 and kill men1 women1 and children when they are victorious4 ,now1 ,balaam1 do your duty4 ,curse them1 and lay it on thick4 ,seven altars were built1 and seven oxen and seven rams sacrificed on them4 ,but all this good meat was wasted1 for when ,balaam went to an high place1 ,god met him1 according to agreement1 and told him what to say4 ,and lo6 when the prophet returned to the king1 he blessed the ,jews instead of cursing them4 ,hullo1 ,balaam1 what's this8 cried the king4 ,i asked you to curse my enemies and you've gone and blessed them4 ,what d'ye mean8 ,true1 answered ,balaam1 but ,i told you that ,i could only speak what the ,lord put into my mouth4 ,balak appears to have been just as sceptical as ,pharaoh about the ,god of the ,jews4 ,he attributed his disappointment to a freak of the prophet1 and not being easily baffled he resolved to try again4 ,so he took ,balaam up another high place1 and built seven fresh altars1 and sacrificed on them seven more bullocks and rams2 after which he repeated his invitation4 ,again ,balaam went farther to consult the ,lord1 whom he found waiting for him1 and received his instructions4 ,and lo6 when he returned to ,balak he again blessed the ,jews instead of cursing them4 ,balak resolved to try again4 ,he took ,balaam to another high place1 built seven more altars1 and sacrificed seven more bullocks and seven more rams4 ,but again the prophet blessed ,israel1 and a third time the king was sold4 ,then he gave it up1 and ,balaam and his ass went home4 ,what became of the ass is unknown4 ,perhaps he went into the prophetical business himself1 and eventually retired on a very handsome fortune4 ,perhaps he went about as a preacher of the gospel as it was then understood2 in which case1 judging from the rule of success in later ages1 we have no doubt that he attracted large audiences and delighted all who were fortunate enough to sit under him4 ,and when he died all the two-legged asses in ,moab probably wept and refused to be comforted4 ,balaam's end was tragic4 ,the thirteenth chapter of ,joshua informs us that he was eventually slain by the very people he had thrice blessed4 ,after an account of one of the bloody wars of ,jehovah's bandits we read that ,balaam also the son of ,beor1 the sooth-sayer1 did the children of ,israel slay with the sword among them that were slain by them4 ,the angel of the ,lord spared him1 but ,god's butchers cut his throat at last4 ,on the whole he might as well have cursed the ,jews up and down to ,balak's satisfaction1 and taken the handsome rewards which were offered him on such easy terms4 ,here endeth the story of ,balaam's ,ass4 ,i hope my reader still believes it1 for if not1 he will be reprobate while he lives and damned when he dies4 ,,god',s ,,thieves ,,in ,,canaan4 ,,bible ,,romances4--,x4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,some years ago the righteous indignation of ,england was roused by the daily record of atrocities perpetrated in ,bulgaria by the ,turkish bashi-bazouks4 ,men were wantonly massacred1 pregnant women ripped up1 and maidens outraged by brutal lust4 ,our greatest statesman uttered a clarion-cry which pealed through the whole nation1 and the friends of the ,turk in high places shrank abashed and dismayed before the stern response of the people4 ,many clergymen attended public meetings1 and denounced not only the ,turks1 but also their ,mohammedanism4 ,they alleged that the ,koran sanctioned1 even if it did not command1 the horrors which had been wrought in ,eastern ,europe1 and they declared that there was no hope for a country which derived its maxims of state from such an accursed book4 ,those denunciations did honor to their hearts1 but very little to their heads4 ,for every brutal injunction in the ,koran1 twenty might be found in the ,bible4 ,before the clergy cry out against the ,scriptures of ,islam1 they should purge their own of those horrid features which are an insult to man and a blasphemy against ,god4 ,mohammed gave savage counsels to his followers with respect to waging war1 but these sink into insignificance beside the counsels given to the ,jews by ,moses in the name of ,god4 ,bible ,romances are generally comic1 but this one is infinitely tragic4 ,the whole range of history affords no worse instances of cold-blooded cruelty than those which ,god's thieves1 the ,jews1 perpetrated in ,canaan1 when they took forcible possession of cities they had not built and fields they had never ploughed4 ,how that red rain will make the harvest grow6 exclaims ,byron of the blood shed at ,waterloo2 and surely the first harvests reaped by the ,jews in ,canaan must have been luxuriantly rich1 for the ground had been drenched with the blood of the slain4 ,before ,moses died1 according to the ,bible1 he delivered an elaborate code of laws to his people in the name of ,god4 ,the portions referring to war are contained in the twentieth chapter of ,deuteronomy4 ,here they stand in all their naked hideous-ness3-- ,when thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it1 then proclaim peace unto it4 ,and it shall be1 if it make thee answer of peace1 and open unto thee1 then it shall be that all the people that is found therein shall be tributaries unto thee1 and they shall serve thee4 ,and if it will make no peace with thee1 but will make war against thee1 then thou shalt besiege it4 ,and when the ,lord thy ,god hath delivered it into thine hands1 thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword3 ,but the women1 and the little ones1 and the cattle1 and all that is in the city1 even all the spoil thereof1 shalt thou take unto thyself2 and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies1 which the ,lord thy ,god hath given thee4 ,thus shalt thou do unto all the cities which are very far off from thee1 which are not of the cities of these nations4 ,but of the cities of these people1 which the ,lord thy ,god doth give thee for an inheritance1 thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth4 ,but thou shalt utterly destroy them4 ,such were the fiendish commands of ,jehovah1 the bloody maxims of inspired war4 ,let us see how the ,jews carried them out4 ,during the lifetime of ,moses they made a good beginning2 for in their war against ,midian they slew #dh1jjj men1 #dh1jjj women1 and #bj1jjj boys1 and took as spoil #cb1jjj virgins4 ,but they did much better under ,joshua4 ,after ,god had dispatched ,moses and secretly buried him1 so that nobody should ever discover his sepulchre1 ,joshua was appointed leader in his stead4 ,he was full of the spirit of wisdom1 for ,moses had laid his hands upon him4 ,then1 as now1 religious superiors transmitted holiness to their inferiors through the skull4 ,god accepted the nomination of ,moses and instructed ,joshua in his duties4 ,he told him to be above all strong and very courageous1 and to fight the enemy according to the law of ,moses4 ,joshua was not the man to neglect such advice4 ,joshua was soon ordered to cross the river ,jordan and begin the holy war4 ,but before doing so1 he dispatched two spies to reconnoitre ,jericho1 the first place to be attacked4 ,they reached the city by night1 and of course required lodgings4 ,instinct led them to the house of ,rahab1 the harlot4 ,she proved a very good friend2 for when messengers came from the king in the morning to inquire about them1 she said that they had gone1 and advised the messengers to go after them1 which they did4 ,meanwhile she hid the spies under some flax on the roof of her house1 and at night let them down by a cord through the window1 for she dwelt on the town wall4 ,before they left1 however1 she made a covenant with them4 ,like many other ladies of easy virtue1 or no virtue at all1 ,rahab was piously inclined4 ,she had conceived a great respect for ,jehovah1 and was assured that his people would overcome all their enemies4 ,but she had also a great respect for her own skin2 so she made the two spies promise on behalf of the ,jews that when they took ,jericho they would spare her and all her relatives2 and they were to recognise her house by the line of scarlet thread in the window4 ,they got back safe to ,joshua and told him it was all right2 the people were in a dreadful funk1 and all the land would soon be theirs4 ,joshua got up early the next morning and told the ,jews that the ,lord was going to do wonders4 ,they wanted to get on the other side of ,jordan4 and the ,lord meant to ferry them across in his own style4 ,twelve men were selected1 one from each tribe1 to follow the priests who bore the ark in front1 and all the ,jewish host came after them4 ,as it was harvest time1 the river had overflowed its banks4 ,when the priests' feet were dipped in the brim of the water1 the river parted in twain2 on one side the waters stood and rose up upon an heap1 while on the other side they failed and were cut off4 ,as no miracle was worked further up the river to stop the supplies1 the heap must have been a pretty big one before the play ended4 ,a clear passage having been made1 the ,jews all crossed on dry ground4 ,they seem to have done this in less than a day1 but three millions of people could not march past one spot in less than a week4 ,perhaps the ,lord gave them a shove behind4 ,the twelve selected ,jews1 one from each tribe1 took twelve big stones out of the bed of the river1 which were pitched in ,gilgal as a memorial unto the children of ,israel for ever4 ,for ever is a long time and is not yet ended4 ,those stones should be there now4 ,why don't the clergy try to discover them8 ,if brought to ,london and set up on the ,thames embankment they would throw ,cleopatra's needle into the shade4 ,when ,god had ferried the ,jews across1 and picked out the twelve big stones as aids to memory1 the heap of water tumbled down and overflowed the banks of the river4 ,joshua and his people then encamped near ,jericho1 in readiness for greater wonders to come4 ,three days afterwards the manna ceased4 ,jehovah's fighting cocks wanted a more invigorating diet4 ,this time they did not ask for a change1 but the ,lord vouchsafed it spontaneously4 ,all the males1 too1 were circumcised by ,god's orders4 ,this ,jewish rite had been neglected during the forty years' wandering in the wilderness1 but it was now resumed4 ,from the text it seems that ,joshua circumcised all the males himself4 ,as they numbered about a million and a half it must have been a long job4 ,allowing a minute for each amputation1 it would in the natural course of things have taken him about three years to do them all2 but being divinely aided1 he finished his task in a single day4 ,samson's jaw-bone was nothing to ,joshua's knife4 ,soon after ,joshua1 being near ,jericho1 like ,balaam's ass saw an angel with a drawn sword in his hand4 ,when he had made obeisance1 by falling flat and taking off his shoes1 he received from this heavenly messenger precise instructions as to the capture of the doomed city4 ,the ,lord's way of storming fortresses is unique in military literature4 ,said he to ,joshua--,ye shall compass the city1 all ye men of war1 and go round about the city once4 ,thus shalt thou do six days4 ,and seven priests shall bear before the ark seven trumpets of rams' horns3 and the seventh day ye shall compass the city seven times1 and the priests shall blow with the trumpet8 ,and it shall come to pass that when they make a long blast with the ram's horn1 and when ye hear the sound of the trumpet all the people shall shout with a great shout2 and the wall of the city shall fall down flat1 and the people shall ascend up every man straight before him4 ,did ever another general receive such extraordinary instructions from his commander-in-chief8 ,god's soldiers need no cannon1 or battering rams1 or bombshells2 all they require is a few rams' horns and good lungs for shouting4 ,god's orders were obeyed4 ,six days in succession did the ,jews march round the walls of ,jericho1 no doubt to the great bewilderment of its inhabitants1 who probably wondered why they didn't come on1 and felt that there was something uncanny in this roundabout siege4 ,on the seventh day they went round the city seven times4 ,how tired they must have been6 ,jericho1 being a capital city1 could not have been less than several miles in circumference4 ,the priests blew with the trumpets1 the people shouted with a great shout1 and the walls of ,jericho fell flat--as flat as the simpletons who believe it4 ,a scene of horror ensued4 ,the ,jews utterly destroyed all there was in the city1 both man and woman1 young and old1 and ox1 and sheep1 and ass1 with the edge of the sword4 ,only ,rahab and her relatives were spared4 ,the silver1 and the gold1 and the vessels of brass and of iron1 were put into the ,lord's treasury--that is1 handed over to the priests2 and then the city was burnt with fire4 ,god commanded this1 and his chosen people executed it ,could ,jericho have been treated worse if the ,devil himself had planned the fight1 and the vilest fiends from hell had conducted it8 ,rahab the harlot1 being saved with all her relatives1 who were perhaps as bad as she1 dwelt with the ,jews ever afterwards4 ,whether she continued in her old profession we are unable to say4 ,but it is certain that the ,jews soon after grew very corrupt1 and the ,lord's anger was kindled against them4 ,the first result of ,god's displeasure was that the ,jews became demoralised as warriors4 ,three thousand of them1 who went up against ,ai1 were routed1 and thirty-six of them were slain4 ,this seems a very small number1 but1 as we have already observed1 the ,jewish chroniclers were much given to bragging4 ,their losses were always very small1 and the enemy's very great4 ,after this rebuff the ,jews funked2 their hearts melted and became as water4 ,joshua rent his clothes1 fell upon his face before the ark1 and remained there until the evening4 ,the elders of ,israel did likewise1 and they all put dust on their heads4 ,to conclude the performance ,joshua expostulated with ,god1 asked him whether he had brought his people over ,jordan only to betray them to their enemies1 and expressed a hearty wish that they had never crossed the river at all4 ,the ,lord told ,joshua to get up1 as it was no use lying there4 ,israel had sinned1 and ,god had determined not to help them until they had purged themselves4 ,some one1 in fact1 had stolen a portion of the spoil of ,jericho1 all of which belonged to the ,lord1 that is to the priests1 who evidently helped to concoct this pretty story4 ,joshua forthwith proceeded to hunt the sinner out4 ,his method was very singular4 ,he resolved to go through the twelve tribes until the culprit was found4 ,the tribe of ,judah was examined first1 and luckily in the very first family ,achan was taken1 although we are not told how he was spotted4 ,achan confessed that he had appropriated of the spoil a goodly ,babylonish garment1 and two hundred shekels of silver1 and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight1 which he had hidden under his tent4 ,his doom was swift and terrible2 he was stoned to death1 and his body burnt with fire4 ,we may think his punishment severe1 but we cannot deny his guilt4 ,he1 however1 was not the only sufferer4 ,jehovah was not to be satisfied with a small quantity of blood4 ,achans's sons and daughters were stoned with him1 and their bodies were burnt like his4 ,his very oxen1 asses1 and sheep were served in the same manner4 ,a great heap of stones was raised over their cinders1 and then the ,lord turned from the fierceness of his anger4 ,jehovah acted just like the savage old chieftain of a savage tribe4 ,as irascible tempers do not improve with age1 we presume that he is still as peppery as ever4 ,yet we are asked to love1 venerate1 and worship this brutal being1 as the ideal of all that is merciful1 just1 and pure4 ,immediately after ,joshua sent thirty thousand men against ,ai1 which they took with great ease4 ,all its inhabitants1 from the oldest man to the youngest babe1 were massacred4 ,the city itself was burnt into a desolate heap4 ,the ,king of ,ai was reserved to furnish the ,jews with a little extra sport1 by way of dessert to the bloody feast4 ,he was hanged on a tree until eventide1 when his carcass was taken down and buried under a heap of stones4 ,joshua then built an altar unto the ,lord ,god of ,israel in mount ,ebal1 who appears to have been mightily well pleased with the whole business4 ,joshua's next exploit was indeed miraculous4 ,he gathered all the ,jews together1 men1 women1 children1 and even the strangers1 and read to them all the laws of ,moses1 without omitting a single word4 ,it must have been a long job1 and ,joshua's throat must have been rather dry at the end4 ,but the greatest wonder is how he made himself heard to three millions of people at once4 ,no other orator ever addressed so big an audience4 ,either their ears were very sharp1 or his voice was terribly loud4 ,the people in the front rank must have been nearly stunned with the sound4 ,joshua could outroar ,bottom the weaver by two or three miles4 ,the people of ,gibeon1 by means of messengers who palmed themselves off on ,joshua as strangers from a distant country1 contrived to obtain a league whereby their lives were spared4 ,when their craft was detected they were sentenced to become hewers of wood and drawers of water to the ,jews2 in other words1 their slaves4 ,adoni-zedec1 king of ,jerusalem2 ,hoham1 king of ,hebron2 ,piram1 king of ,jamuth2 ,japhia1 king of ,lachish2 and ,debir1 king of ,eglon2 banded themselves together to punish ,gibeon for making peace with the ,jews4 ,joshua went with all his army to their relief4 ,he fell upon the armies of the five kings1 discomfitted them with great slaughter1 and chased them along the way to ,beth-horon4 ,as they fled the ,lord joined in the hunt4 ,he cast down great stones from heaven upon them and killed a huge number1 even more than they whom the children of ,israel slew with the sword4 ,when we read that ,pan fought with the ,greeks against the ,persians at ,marathon1 we must regard it as a fable2 but when we read that ,jehovah fought with the ,jews against the five kings at ,gibeon1 we must regard it as historical truth1 and if we doubt it we shall be eternally damned4 ,not only did the ,lord join in the war-hunt1 but ,joshua wrought the greatest miracle on record by causing a stationary body to stand still4 ,he stopped the sun from going down and lengthened out the day for about twelve hours1 in order that the ,jews might see to pursue and kill the flying foe4 ,the sun stood still1 and the moon stayed1 until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies4 ,what ,joshua really stopped1 if he stopped anything1 was the earth1 for its revolution1 and not the motion of the sun1 causes the phenomena of day and night4 ,science tells us that the arrest of the earth's motion would generate a frightful quantity of heat1 enough to cause a general conflagration4 ,yet nothing of the kind happened4 ,how is it1 too1 that no other ancient people has preserved any record of this marvellous occurrence8 ,the ,egyptians1 for instance1 carefully noted eclipses and such events1 but they jotted down no memorandum of ,joshua's supreme miracle4 ,why is this8 ,how can ,christians explain it8 ,when ,jupiter personated ,amphytrion1 and visited his bride ,alcmena1 the amorous god lengthened out the night in order to prolong his enjoyment4 ,why may we not believe this8 ,is it not as credible1 and quite as moral1 as the ,bible story of ,jehovah's lengthening out the day to prolong a massacre8 ,were the ,greeks any bigger liars than the ,jews8 ,it has been suggested that ,joshua was so elated with the victory that he drank more than was good for him1 and got in such a state that in the evening he saw two moons instead of one4 ,nobody liked to contradict him1 but the elders of ,israel1 to harmonise their leader's vision1 declared that it comprised the sun and the moon1 instead of two moons1 which were clearly absurd4 ,the court poet improved on this explanation1 and composed the neat little poem which is partially preserved by the ,jewish chronicler1 who asks ,is not this written in the book of ,jasher8 ,the waggish laureate ,jasher is supposed by some profane speculators to have got up the whole miracle himself4 ,the five kings fled with their armies and hid themselves in a cave at ,makkedah4 ,joshua ordered the mouth to be closed with big stones until the pursuit was ended4 ,at last they were brought out and treated with great ignominy4 ,their necks were made footstools of by the captains of ,israel1 and they were afterwards hung on trees until the evening1 when their carcasses were flung into the cave4 ,after this highly civilised treatment of their captives1 the ,jews took all the capital cities of these five kings and slew all the inhabitants4 ,then they desolated the hills and vales4 ,joshua left none remaining1 but utterly destroyed all that breathed1 as the ,lord ,god of ,israel commanded4 ,hazor and many other places were also treated in the same way1 there was not any left to breathe4 ,jehovah was not1 however1 able to execute his intentions completely4 ,the children of ,judah could not drive the ,jebusites out of ,jerusalem2 nor could the children of ,manasseh entirely drive out the ,canaanites from their cities4 ,after ,joshua's death1 as we read in the book of ,judges1 the ,lord was with ,judah1 and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain2 but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley1 because they had chariots of iron4 ,iron chariots were too strong for the ,almighty6 ,yet he managed to take off the wheels of ,pharaoh's chariots at the ,red ,sea4 ,why could he not do the same on this occasion8 ,were the linch-pins too tight or the wheels too heavy8 ,joshua died at the ripe old age of a hundred and ten4 ,whatever else he may have been1 he was certainly one of the gamest fighting cocks that ever lived4 ,jehovah never found a better instrument for his bloody purposes4 ,they buried him at ,timnath-serah4 ,joseph's old bones1 which ,moses brought out of ,egypt1 were buried at ,shechem4 ,had they been kept much longer some ,hebrew old-clo' man might have carried them off and made an honest penny by them4 ,after ,joshua's death1 the tribe of ,judah fought against ,adoni-bezek4 ,when they caught him they cut off his thumbs and his big toes4 ,he acknowledged the justice of his punishment1 and admitted that ,god had served him just as he had himself served seventy kings1 whose great toes he had cut off1 and made them eat under his table4 ,kings must have been very plentiful in those days4 ,during ,joshua's lifetime the ,jews served ,god1 and they kept pretty straight during the lifetime of the elders who had known him4 ,but directly these died they went astray2 they forsook the ,lord and worshipped ,baal and ,ashtaroth4 ,god punished them by letting their enemies oppress them4 ,nevertheless1 says the story1 the ,lord raised up judges1 which delivered them out of the hand of those that spoiled them4 ,and yet they would not hearken unto their judges1 but they went a whoring after other gods1 and bowed themselves unto them2 and they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in1 obeying the commandments of the ,lord2 but they did not so44444 ,and it came to pass1 when the judge was dead1 that they returned and corrupted themselves more than their fathers1 in following other ,gods to serve them1 and to bow down unto them2 they ceased not from their own doings1 nor from their stubborn way4 ,god's selection of the ,jews as his favorite people does not seem to reflect much credit on his sagacity4 ,all who came out of ,egypt1 except two persons1 turned out so badly that they were pronounced unfit to enter the promised land1 and doomed to die in the wilderness4 ,the new generation who entered ,canaan1 after being circumcised to make them holy2 after seeing the miracles of ,jordan and the valley of ,ajalon2 after having gained a home by ,god's assistance in a land flowing with milk and honey2 this very generation proved worse than their fathers4 ,the original inhabitants of ,canaan1 whom they dispossessed1 could hardly have surpassed them in sin against ,jehovah2 and therefore the ruthless slaughter of their conquest was as unreasonable as it was inhuman4 ,so much for ,god's ,thieves in ,canaan4 ,,cain ,,and ,,abel4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#aa4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,god completed the immense labors described in the first chapter of ,genesis by creating man in his own image1 after which he serenely contemplated everything that he had made1 and2 behold1 it was very good4 ,yet the first woman deceived her husband1 the first man was duped1 and their first son was a murderer4 ,god could not have looked very far ahead when he pronounced everything very good4 ,it is clear that the original pair of human beings were very badly made4 ,as the ,lord was obliged to take a rest on the seventh day1 it is not unreasonable to suppose that he was pretty tired on the sixth1 and scamped the work4 ,all the sin and suffering in this world is the consequence of man having been the fag-end of creation4 ,if the ,lord had rested on the sixth day and created man on the seventh1 how different things might have been6 ,the ,devil would probably have done no business in this world1 and the population of hell would be no more now than it was six thousand years ago4 ,after leaving the ,garden of ,eden1 ,adam and ,eve1 having no fear of ,malthus in their hearts1 began to multiply and replenish the earth4 ,when their first child was born1 ,eve said1 ,i have gotten a man from the ,lord1 poor ,adam's share in the youngster's advent being quietly ignored4 ,she christened him ,cain1 a name which comes from a ,hebrew root signifying to acquire4 ,cain was regarded as an acquisition1 and his mother was very proud of him4 ,the time came when she wished he had never been born4 ,some time after1 but how long is unknown1 ,eve gave birth to a second son1 called ,abel4 ,josephus explains this name as meaning grief1 but ,hebrew scholars at present explain it as meaning nothingness1 vanity1 frailty4 ,the etymology of ,abel's name shows conclusively that the story is a myth4 ,why should ,eve give her second boy so sinister a name8 ,how could she have so clearly anticipated his sad fate8 ,cain's name has1 too1 another significance besides that of acquisition1 for1 as ,kalisch points out1 it also belongs to the ,hebrew verb to strike1 and signifies either the man of violence and the sire of murderers1 or the ancestor of the inventors of iron instruments and of weapons of destruction4 ,cain and ,abel had to get their own living4 ,being born after the ,fall1 they were of course debarred from the felicities of ,eden1 and were compelled to earn their bread by the sweat of their brows1 in accordance with ,god's wide-reaching curse4 ,both1 so to speak1 were forced to deal in provisions4 ,abel went in for meat1 and ,cain for vegetables4 ,this was an admirable division of labor1 and they ought to have got on very well together2 one finding beef and mutton for dinner1 and the other potatoes and greens4 ,they might even have paid each other handsome compliments across the table4 ,abel might have said ,my dear ,cain1 these vegetables are first-rate1 and ,cain might have replied1 ,my dear ,abel1 ,i never tasted a better cut4 ,delitzsch1 whose criticisms are huge jokes1 frowns on this picture of fraternal peace4 ,he opines that ,cain and ,abel were vegetarians and never enjoyed a beef-steak or a mutton-chop4 ,abel kept only small domestic cattle1 such as sheep and goats1 whose woolly skin might be used to cover their sinful nakedness4 ,the utmost ,delitzsch allows is that they perhaps drank milk1 which1 although animal nutriment1 is not obtained through the destruction of animal life4 ,but1 as ,colenso observes1 animals were slain for sacrifices1 and they may have been killed also for eating4 ,besides1 even a vegetable diet involves infinite destruction of minute animal life4 ,on the whole we prefer to disregard ,delitzsch in this matter1 and to stand by our pleasant picture of the two first brothers at dinner4 ,their admirable arrangement1 however1 brought mischief in the end4 ,it was right enough so far as they were concerned1 but it worked badly in relation to ,god4 ,they liked a mixed diet1 but the ,lord was purely carnivorous and liked all meat4 ,he devoured ,abel's provisions with great relish1 but turned up his nose at ,cain's vegetables4 ,the mealiest potatoes1 the tenderest green peas1 had no charm for him2 and even the leeks1 the garlic1 the onions1 and the cucumbers1 which were afterwards so beloved by his ,jewish favorites1 were quite unattractive4 ,in the language of ,scripture1 ,cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the ,lord4 ,and ,abel1 he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof4 ,and the ,lord had respect unto ,abel and to his offering3 ,but unto ,cain and to his offering he had no respect ,elsewhere in the ,bible we read ,god is no respecter of persons1 but ,scripture is full of contradictions1 and such things present no difficulty to the spirit of faith1 which1 like hope1 believeth all things4 ,why was ,cain's offering slighted8 ,the ,bible does not tell us1 but many reasons have been advanced by commentators4 ,the ,talmud supposes that ,cain did not offer his best produce1 but only the inferior kinds1 thus giving ,god what he did not require himself1 and treating the holy rite of sacrifice as a means of working off his refuse vegetables4 ,kalisch waives this theory1 and thinks it probable that ,cain's sin was primarily not against ,god1 but against man4 ,the supposition1 he says1 is obvious that envy and jealousy had long filled the heart of ,cain1 when he contrasted his laborious and toilsome life with the pleasant and easy existence of his brother ,abel4 ,with incessant exertion1 tormented by anxiety1 and helplessly dependent on the uncertainty of the skies1 he forced a scanty subsistence out of the womb of the repugnant soil2 whilst his brother enjoyed a life of security and abundance1 in the midst of rich valleys1 beautiful hills1 and charming rural scenes4 ,and while he envied ,abel's prosperity1 he despised his idleness1 which was indebted for the necessaries of life to the liberality of nature1 rather than to personal exertions4 ,this hatred and jealousy took root in ,cain's heart4 ,he beheld the happiness of his brother with the feelings-of an enemy4 ,the joy at the success of his own labors was embittered by the aspect of his brother's greater affluence4 ,how could ,god look with delight upon an offering which the offerer himself did not regard with unalloyed satisfaction8 ,how could he encourage by his applause a man whose heart was poisoned by the mean and miserable passion of envy8 ,but all this is gratuitous and far-fetched4 ,cain was not afflicted with so laborious an occupation4 ,adam supported himself and ,eve1 and all ,cain had to do was to provide himself1 and perhaps ,abel1 with vegetables4 ,nor could ,abel's occupation have been light1 for flocks and herds require a good deal of attendance1 and in those early days they needed vigilant protection against the ravages of wild beasts4 ,abel's task must have been quite as heavy as ,cain's4 ,our opinion is that the ,lord showed his usual caprice1 hating whom he would and loving whom he would4 ,jehovah acted like the savage hero of ,mr4 ,browning's ,caliban on ,setebos1 who sprawls on the shore watching a line of crabs make for the sea1 and squashes the twentieth for mere variety and sport4 ,if ,jehovah is requested to explain his loves and hates1 he answers with ,shylock1 it is my whim4 ,it was his whim to love ,jacob and hate ,esau1 and it was no doubt his whim to accept ,abel's offering and reject ,cain's4 ,mythologically the acceptance of ,abel's offering and the rejection of ,cain's are easily intelligible4 ,the principle of sacrifice was deeply imbedded in ,judaism4 ,without shedding of blood there could be no remission of sin4 ,under the ,levitical law the duties of the priesthood chiefly consisted in burning the sin offerings of the people4 ,it is1 therefore1 not difficult to understand how the ,jewish scribes who wrote or revised the ,pentateuch after the ,babylonish captivity should give this coloring to the narrative of ,genesis2 nor is it hard to conceive that for centuries before that date the popular tradition had already1 under priestly direction1 taken such a color1 so as to give the oldest and deepest sanction to the doctrine of animal sacrifice4 ,it must also be noticed that ,abel1 who found favor with ,god1 was a keeper of sheep1 while ,cain1 whose offering was contemned1 was a tiller of the ground4 ,this accords with the strongest traditional instincts of the ,jews4 ,the ,persian religion decidedly favors agriculture1 which it regards as a kind of divine service4 ,brahminism and ,buddhism countenance it still more decidedly1 and even go to the length of absolutely prohibiting the slaughter of animals4 ,the ,jews1 on the other hand1 esteemed the pastoral life as the noblest1 and the ,hebrew historian very naturally represented it as protected and consecrated by the blessing of ,jehovah1 while agriculture was declared to have been imposed on man as a punishment4 ,the nomadic origin of the ,jews accounts for their antipathy to that pursuit1 which survived and manifested itself1 long after they settled in ,palestine1 devoted themselves to the cultivation of the soil1 and enacted agrarian laws4 ,they always esteemed agriculturalists as inferior to shepherds2 men of superior attainments in their histories and legends rose from pastoral life2 and kings kept their flocks4 ,david1 the man after ,god's own heart1 and the national hero of the ,jews1 was a shepherd1 and the ,lord came to him while he was keeping his father's sheep4 ,moses was keeping his father-in-law's sheep when ,god appeared to him in the burning bush at ,mount ,horeb2 ,jacob kept his uncle ,laban's sheep when he fled from ,esau2 and ,abraham1 the father of the faithful1 was rich in flocks and herds4 ,to recur to our story4 ,abel probably enjoyed the conspicuous mark of divine favors conferred on him4 ,cain1 however1 experienced very different feelings4 ,he was very wroth1 and his countenance fell4 ,whereupon the ,lord somewhat facetiously asked him what was the matter4 ,why1 said he1 art thou wroth8 and why is thy countenance fallen8 ,if thou doest well1 shalt thou not be accepted8 and if thou doest not well1 sin lieth at the door4 ,this was all very well1 but as a matter of fact ,cain's offering had already been rejected1 and according to the ,bible he had done nothing to deserve such harsh treatment4 ,the ,lord's final words on this occasion read thus in our ,english ,bible3 ,and unto thee shall be his desire1 and thou shalt rule over him4 ,these words are construed as applying to ,cain's mastery over ,abel1 as the elder brother2 but they seem quite unmeaning in that connexion2 for ,abel left no offspring1 and the prophecy1 if such it were1 was never fulfilled4 ,kalisch throws light on this obscure passage4 ,the ,lord1 he says1 was referring not to ,abel but to ,cain's secret sin1 and the passage should read ,and to thee is its desire1 but thou shalt rule over it4 ,cain then talked with ,abel his brother4 ,gesenius supposes that he communicated to him the words of ,god1 and treats this as the first step towards a reconciliation4 ,however that may be1 we hear nothing more of it1 for the very next words relate the murder of the younger brother by the elder4 ,and it came to pass1 when they were in the field1 that ,cain rose up against ,abel his brother1 and slew him4 ,this abrupt narrative certainly requires explanation4 ,kalisch seems to think that ,cain went about his work1 after the interview with ,god1 in a better frame of mind2 but while he toiled hard in the field he became incensed at the sight of ,abel loafing under a fine umbrageous tree and calmly watching his flock4 ,forgetting the divine admonitions1 and listening only to the voice of passion1 he madly killed his only brother1 and made himself the first murderer4 ,the ,talmud gives several legends about the hatred between the two brothers4 ,one imputes the difference to ,cain's avarice1 another to his ambition1 another to his innate sinfulness1 and another to his envy and jealousy on account of ,abel's wife4 ,the last of all seems the truest2 namely1 that they differed in their views regarding ,providence1 the moral government of the world1 and the efficacy of virtuous deeds for happiness4 ,this idea informs ,byron's tragedy on the subject4 ,in ,cain the younger1 brother's offering is burnt up with supernatural fire1 while the elder's altar remains unkindled2 whereupon ,cain inveighs against ,god's partiality1 and denounces the bloody sacrifice which finds greater favor than his own peaceful tribute of fruit and flowers4 ,he then advances to scatter the relics of ,abel's offering from the altar1 but is thwarted by his brother who resists the sacrilege4 ,abel is felled in the struggle1 and ,cain1 who had no intention of killing him1 finds himself an actual murderer before his brother's corpse4 ,we are bound to conclude that the first quarrel in the world1 like nine-tenths of those that have occurred since1 was about religion4 ,cain thought ,god should be worshiped in one way1 ,abel thought he should be worshiped in another2 and they settled the question1 after the manner of religious disputants in all ages1 by the stronger knocking the weaker on the head4 ,in religion there is no certitude on this side of the grave2 if we are ever destined to know the truth on that subject1 we must die to find it out4 ,we may therefore argue fruitlessly until the day of judgment4 ,the only effectual way of settling a religious problem is to settle your opponents4 ,after the murder the ,lord paid ,cain another visit1 and asked him where ,abel was4 ,cain replied that he was not his brother's keeper and didn't know4 ,he does not appear to have thought ,god a particularly well informed person4 ,then the ,lord said that ,abel's blood cried unto him from the ground4 ,and now1 he continued1 art thou cursed from the earth1 which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand2 when thou tillest the ground1 it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength2 a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be on the earth4 ,and ,cain said unto the ,lord1 my punishment is greater than ,i can bear4 ,behold1 thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth2 and from thy face shall ,i be hid1 and ,i shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth2 and it shall come to pass that every one that findeth me shall slay me4 ,and the ,lord said unto him1 ,therefore whosoever slayeth ,cain1 vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold4 ,and the ,lord set a mark on ,cain1 lest any finding him should kill him4 ,and ,cain went out from the presence of the ,lord1 and dwelt in the land of ,nod1 on the east of ,eden4 ,now let us examine this story4 ,why was ,cain so solicitous about his safety8 ,why did he fear that everybody would try to kill him8 ,he had slain his brother1 and his father and mother were the only people in the world besides himself and perhaps his sisters 78 who knew74 ,kalisch suggests that he apprehended the future vengeance of mankind when the world grew more populous4 ,but how1 in that case1 could a distinctive mark be any protection8 ,it would publish his identity to all beholders4 ,besides1 one would suppose that ,cain1 the first man ever born into the world1 would always be well known without carrying about a brand like a special wine or a patent edible4 ,and what was the mark8 ,kalisch thinks it was only a villainous expression4 ,others think it was the ,mongolian type impressed upon the features of ,cain1 who became the founder of that great division of the human race4 ,a negro preacher started a different theory4 ,when the ,lord called out in a loud voice ,cain1 where is thy brother ,abel1 ,cain1 who was a black man1 like ,adam1 turned pale with fear1 and never regained his original color4 ,all his children were pale too2 and that1 said the preacher1 accounts for de white trash you see ebery war in dese days4 ,how did ,cain manage to go out from the presence of the ,lord1 who is everywhere8 ,satan does the same thing in the ,book of ,job1 and ,jonah tries to do it later on4 ,jehovah was clearly a local as well as a visible ,god1 and not the infinite spirit of the universe4 ,where was the land of ,nod situated8 ,east of ,eden1 says the ,bible4 ,but nobody knows where ,eden was4 ,as we pointed out in ,the ,creation ,story1 scores of different positions have been assigned to it4 ,the only point of agreement among the commentators is that it was somewhere4 ,all that can safely be affirmed1 then1 is that ,nod was east of ,somewhere4 ,the name itself is very appropriate4 ,no doubt the ,lord was not quite awake in that locality1 and hence we may explain how ,cain managed to go out from his presence4 ,in this strange land of ,nod1 ,cain knew his wife4 ,who was she8 ,probably his own sister1 but the ,bible does not tell us anything about her4 ,their first son was called ,enoch4 ,cain then builded a city1 and called the name of the city1 after the name of his son1 ,enoch4 ,but this is directly opposed to the curse a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth4 ,delitzsch notices this1 and1 as usual1 seeks to explain it away4 ,cain1 he says1 in this way set himself against the divine curse1 in order to feel it inwardly so much the more1 as outwardly he seems to have overcome it4 ,to which we reply--first1 that there is no evidence that ,cain felt the curse more inwardly after he built the city2 and1 secondly1 the idea of a man successfully setting himself against an omnipotent curse is a trifle too absurd for credence or criticism4 ,now ,adam and ,eve1 when ,cain fled after the murder of ,abel1 were left childless1 or at least without a son4 ,but it was necessary that they should have another1 in order that ,god's chosen people1 the ,jews1 might be derived from a purer stock than ,cain's4 ,accordingly we read that ,adam1 in his hundred and thirtieth year1 begat a son in his own likeness1 after his image1 and called his name ,seth4 ,why was not ,cain begotten in the same way8 ,had he been so1 the cradle of the world might not have been defiled with the blood of fratricide4 ,seth being the image of ,adam1 and ,adam the image of ,god1 ,seth and the ,almighty were of course very much alike4 ,he was pious1 and from him were descended the pious patriarchs1 including ,noah1 from whom was descended ,abraham the founder of the ,jewish race4 ,god's chosen people came of a good stock1 although they turned out such a bad lot4 ,from ,seth to ,noah there are ten ,patriarchs before the ,flood4 ,this is clearly mythological4 ,the ,hindus believed in ten great saints1 the offspring of ,manu1 and in ten different personifications of ,vishnu4 ,the ,egyptians had ten mighty heroes1 the ,chaldeans ten kings before the ,flood1 the ,assyrians ten kings from ,ham to ,ninyas1 and as many from ,japhet to ,aram2 and ,plato enumerates ten sons of ,neptune1 as the rulers of his imaginary ,island of ,atlantis1 submerged by the ,deluge4 ,cain's descendants were of course drowned by the ,flood1 but they did a great deal more for the world than the descendants of pious ,seth1 who seems to have done little else than trust in ,god4 ,the ,cainites laid the basis of civilisation4 ,one of them ,jabal1 founded cattle-keeping2 his brother1 ,jubal1 invented musical instruments2 and their half-brother ,tubal-cain first practised smithery4 ,seth's descendants had nothing but piety4 ,even their morals were no better than those of the ,cainites2 for at the ,flood only eight of them were found worthy of preservations1 and they were a poor lot4 ,noah got beastly drunk after the waters subsided1 and one of his three sons brought a curse on all his offspring4 ,what then must we think of the rest8 ,tuch excellently explains the mythological significance of the story of ,cain and ,abel and ,seth4 ,there lies1 he says1 in this myth the perfectly correct reminiscence1 that in the ,east ancient nations lived1 under whom in very early times culture and civilisation extended1 but at the same time the assertion1 that these could not prejudice the renown of the ,western-,asiatics1 since the prerogatives1 which their descent from the first-born would secure to them1 were done away through ,god's ,curse1 which lighted on their ancestor1 ,cain4 ,thus the ,east is cut off from the following history1 and the thread fastened on1 which carries us on in ,genesis1 right across through the nations1 to the only chosen people of ,israel4 ,the entire history of the world before the ,flood is dismissed in five chapters1 and that from the ,flood to ,abraham in two more4 ,after that the mighty antique civilisations are never noticed except so far as they affect the history of the ,jews4 ,the ages of the ,patriarchs also dwindle down from nine centuries in the beginning to almost the normal longevity in the semi-historical period4 ,could anything more conclusively prove the mythical character of the narrative8 ,one of the ,patriarchs descended from ,seth1 namely ,enoch1 which singularly enough is also the name of ,cain's eldest son1 never died4 ,we read that he was not1 for ,god took him4 ,it is about time that the ,lord took the whole lot out of his ,word1 and gave us a little ancient history instead4 ,we want a revised ,bible in the fullest sense of the word4 ,the old book needs to be completely rewritten4 ,how thankful we should all be if the ,lord inspired another ,moses to rectify the errors and supplement the deficiencies of the first1 and to give us scientific truth instead of fanciful myths about the early history of our race6 ,but the ,lord never inspires anybody to do a useful piece of work1 and our ,darwins will therefore have to go on with their slow and laborious task of making out a history of mankind from the multitudinous and scattered traces that still survive the decay of time4 ,,lot',s ,,wife4 ,,bible ,,romances4--#ab4 ,by ,g4 ,w4 ,,foote4 ,lot and his family were a queer lot4 ,their history is one of the strangest in the whole ,bible4 ,they dwelt amongst a people whose debauchery has become a by-word1 and in a city which has given a name to the vilest of unnatural crimes4 ,lot1 his wife1 and their two unmarried daughters1 were the only persons preserved from the terrible fate which ,jehovah1 in one of his periodic fits of anger1 inflicted upon the famous ,cities of the ,plain4 ,they witnessed a signal instance of his ancient method of dealing with his disobedient children4 ,in the ,new ,testament1 ,god promises the wicked and the unbelievers everlasting fire after they are dead2 in the ,old ,testament1 he drowns them or burns them up in this world4 ,lot and his family saw the destruction of ,sodom and ,gomorrah by brimstone and fire from the ,lord out of heaven2 and they1 four persons in all1 just half the number that survived the ,flood a few centuries before1 were the only ones that escaped4 ,god specially spared them4 ,yet ,lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt for looking back as she fled from the doomed city1 and the old man himself soon after got drunk and committed incest with his daughters4 ,from this crime sprang ,moab and ,ammon1 the founders of two nations who became for many centuries the most implacable enemies of ,god's chosen people4 ,why did the ,lord spare these four persons8 ,why did he not profit by the lesson of the ,flood8 ,the eight persons rescued from drowning in that great catastrophe were infected with original sin1 and the consequence was that the world peopled from their stock was a great deal worse than the ante-diluvian world4 ,it would clearly have been better to destroy all and start absolutely afresh4 ,the eight rescued persons were apparently just as bad as those who were drowned4 ,so with the four persons spared at the destruction of ,sodom4 ,the people of that city could hardly have been much worse than ,lot and his children4 ,the ,lord appears to have been as stupid in his mercy as he was brutal in his wrath4 ,lot was ,abraham's nephew1 and evidently came of a bad stock4 ,the uncle's evil career will be sketched in our series of ,bible ,heroes4 ,for the present we content ourselves with the remark that no good could reasonably be expected from such a family4 ,lot's father was ,haran1 a son of ,terah1 and brother to ,abraham4 ,he died before his father ,terah in the land of his nativity1 in ,ur of the ,chaldees4 ,a city was called by his name in the land of ,canaan1 and ,terah and the family dwelt there after they left ,ur1 until the patriarch died and ,abraham was called out from his kindred to found a new house4 ,the father of the faithful took his orphaned nephew with him4 ,lot accompanied his uncle on the journey to ,egypt1 where ,abraham passed his wife off as his sister1 and showed his natural bent by lying right and left4 ,soon afterwards we learn that ,abraham and ,lot had grown very rich1 the former in cattle1 in silver1 and in gold1 and the latter in flocks1 and herds1 and tents4 ,indeed their substance was so great that they could not dwell together1 and there was strife between the herdmen of ,abram's cattle and the herd-men of ,lot's cattle4 ,whereupon ,abraham said ,don't let us quarrel within the family1 but let us part4 ,you can go where you like4 ,if you go to the right ,i'll go to the left1 and if you go to the left ,i'll go to the right ,it was necessary to separate ,lot from the fortunes of ,abraham1 in order that ,god's dealings with the latter might be uninterrupted and his family kept distinct2 and so the ,hebrew chronicler very naturally separates them here1 in a manner which reflects great credit on ,abraham1 and exhibits him in a most amiable light4 ,cunning ,lot took full advantage of the offer4 ,he lifted up his eyes1 and beheld all the plain of ,jordan1 that it was well watered everywhere1 even as the garden of the ,lord4 ,so they parted1 and ,lot pitched his tent towards ,sodom1 whose inhabitants1 says our naive story1 were wicked and sinners before the ,lord exceedingly4 ,commentators explain that ,lot's approach to such a detestable sink of iniquity indicated the native corruption of his heart1 or at least a sad lack of horror at the sins which made the place stink in the nostrils of ,god4 ,in the next chapter we find ,lot living in ,sodom1 although we are not told when he moved there4 ,amraphel king of ,shinar1 ,arioch king of ,ellasar1 ,chedorlaorner king of ,elam1 and ,tidal king of nations1 made war with ,bera king of ,sodom1 ,birsha king of ,gomorrah1 ,shinab king of ,admah1 ,shemeber king of ,zeboiim1 and the king of ,bera1 which is ,zoar4 ,a great battle was fought in the vale of ,siddim1 which is alleged to be now covered by the ,dead ,sea4 ,the four kings were victorious over the five4 ,the kings of ,sodom and ,gomorrah fled1 and the victors spoiled their cities1 taking with them many captives1 among whom was ,lot1 ,abram's brother's son4 ,how ,abraham went out with a handful of men1 defeated the triumphant forces of the allied kings1 and rescued his nephew1 is a pretty little story which we reserve for our life of that patriarch4 ,all the other captives were rescued also1 and ,lot1 returning with his friends1 continued to dwell in ,sodom as before4 ,we hear no more of him for a considerable time4 ,during the interval ,abraham has a child by ,hagar4 ,ishmael1 with the rest of the patriarch's household1 is circumcised4 ,and finally the ,lord visits ,abraham again to tell him that1 notwithstanding their advanced ages1 he and ,sarah shall yet have a son4 ,what happened during the interview properly belongs to the life of ,abraham1 but we shall here consider so much of it as relates to the fortunes of ,lot4 ,the ,lord complained that the sin of ,sodom and ,gomorrah was very grievous1 and said that the great cry of it had reached him in heaven4 ,being much concerned about their goings on1 he had resolved to drop down and see for himself if they were realty as bad as he suspected4 ,if not1 said he1 ,i will know4 ,in the ,old ,testament1 ,god1 who knows everything1 is always seeking information4 ,abraham surmised that the ,lord meant to play the devil with the ,sodomites1 and he was anxious about ,lot who dwelt with them4 ,so he began a parley4 ,now1 my ,lord1 said ,abraham1 you surely don't mean to destroy indiscriminately2 you1 the judge of all the earth1 must act on the square4 ,suppose there are fifty righteous men in ,sodom1 won't you1 just for their sake1 spare the place8 ,knowing that there were nothing like fifty righteous men in ,sodom1 the ,lord promptly acceded to ,abraham's-request2 so promptly indeed that ,abraham smelt a rat1 and determined to drive a closer bargain4 ,so he asked the ,lord to knock off five4 ,very well1 was the reply1 if ,i find forty-five righteous men ,i'll spare the city4 ,abraham was still suspicious4 ,he knew that ,jehovah loved a bit of destruction1 and was not easily moved when he had once made up his mind to indulge himself4 ,so he returned to the charge4 ,i beg pardon1 said he1 for troubling you so1 but do you mind knocking off another ten1 and making thirty of it8 ,not at all1 answered the ,lord1 we'll say thirty4 ,abraham felt there-was something wrong4 ,this amiable readiness to oblige thoroughly perplexed him4 ,if the ,lord had haggled over the thirty1 he would have known that there was about that number of righteous men in the place2 but in the actual condition of affairs1 he felt that he had considerably overshot the mark4 ,the-game was very dangerous1 but he decided to renew it4 ,my ,lord1 he began1 ,i'm a dreadful bore1 but ,i'm not quite satisfied with our contract and should like to re-open it4 ,i don't wish to be importunate1 but will you knock off another ten8 ,with all my heart1 replied the ,lord1 we'll say twenty4 ,still dissatisfied1 ,abraham resolved on a final effort4 ,my good ,lord1 said he1 this is really the last time of asking4 ,i promise to bother you no more4 ,will you knock off another ten8 ,all right1 was the reply1 anything to oblige4 ,well say ten altogether4 ,if there are so many righteous men in ,sodom ,i'll spare it4 ,good afternoon1 ,abraham1 good afternoon4 ,and the ,lord was off4 ,abraham ruefully watched the retreating figure1 perfectly assured that the ,lord had got the best of the bargain1 and that he himself had been duped1 worsted1 and befooled4 ,god did not go to ,sodom himself1 but sent two angels to inspect it4 ,they reached its gate in the evening1 and found ,lot sitting there4 ,in eastern towns the places before the gate are the appointed localities for meetings2 and in ancient times they were used for still more extensive purposes4 ,there the judge pronounced his decisions1 and even kings held there occasionally their courts of justice2 there buying and selling went on2 the people assembled there to see each other and hear the news2 and almost all public affairs were transacted there1 from religious worship to the smallest details of civil life4 ,it is not surprising1 therefore1 that ,lot should be sitting in the gate when the two strangers arrived at the city4 ,some commentators have even conjectured that he went out to meet them2 but others object that this is contradictory to the narrative1 which does not exhibit ,lot as recognising the angels1 and that it implies too ideal a notion of its virtue4 ,some have supposed that ,lot had attained to the dignity of a judge1 and that he was sitting to act in that capacity on this occasion2 but later circumstances refute this supposition2 for1 in the quarrel which ensued1 the people of ,sodom reproached him as a stranger who set himself up as a judge of their conduct4 ,lot advanced to the strangers1 greeted them with a profound bow1 addressed them as my lords1 and asked them to stay over night at his house1 where he would wash their feet1 give them something to eat1 and find them a bed4 ,they declined his frank hospitality1 and said they meant to pass the night in the streets4 ,kalisch observes1 as though he knew all about their motives1 that it was their intention to try his character1 and to give him an opportunity of showing whether his generosity was merely a momentary emotion1 or had become a settled feature in his character4 ,he also dismisses the idea that they wished to remain in the streets in order to study the moral state of the ,sodomites1 as they required no such knowledge1 for they were not only the angels of ,god1 but ,god himself acted in them4 ,but ,kalisch should bear in mind that ,god told ,abraham he was going on purpose to see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it2 and that1 as the angels could not know more than ,god1 it was after all necessary that they should make inquiries4 ,lot1 however1 pressed upon them greatly1 and at last they entered his house4 ,he then made them a feast which seems to have consisted of nothing but unleavened bread4 ,perhaps the angels1 who had dined heavily with ,abraham on veal1 butter1 and milk1 were afraid of bad dreams1 and only wanted a light supper before going to roost4 ,they were not1 however1 destined to enjoy a good night's sleep4 ,before they lay down1 the men of ,sodom compassed the house round1 both old and young1 all the people from every quarter4 ,and they called unto ,lot1 and said unto him1 ,where are the men which came in unto thee this night8 ,bring them out unto us1 that we may know them4 ,we are reluctant to criticise this dirty story1 but duty compels us4 ,god's ,word is full of disgusting narratives1 and if we scrupled to examine them we should have to leave the book alone4 ,we have no love of filth1 and if the ,bible were not held up as a divine work we should never condescend to notice its beastly tales of fornication1 adultery1 sodomy1 and incest4 ,why did all the men of ,sodom1 both old and young1 flock to ,lot's house8 ,is it likely that every male in the city1 past the age of puberty1 should burn with unnatural lust at one and the same time8 ,did they suppose that all of them could abuse the two strangers8 ,the story is as silly as it is nasty4 ,for a parallel to ,lot's answer to the demand of his neighbors we must go to the nineteenth chapter of ,judges1 where the men of ,gibeah clamor for the ,levite as the men of ,sodom clamor for the two angels1 and where his host offers them instead his own daughter as well as the ,levite's concubine4 ,a woman's honor was a very trivial thing to ,god's chosen people4 ,in itself it counted as next to nothing4 ,the man's right of possession gave it all its importance and worth4 ,lot went out and shut the door after him4 ,then he rebuked his neighbors for desiring to do so wickedly1 and immediately made them an offer which he seems to have thought perfectly fair and square4 ,behold1 now1 he said1 ,i have two daughters which have not known man2 let me1 ,i pray you1 bring them out unto you1 and do ye to them as is good in your eyes3 only unto these men do nothing2 for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof4 ,the laws of hospitality are sacred1 and ,lot did well to maintain them2 but he had no right to sacrifice to them a still more sacred law4 ,instead of strenuously opposing the committal of one crime1 he proposes another as heinous4 ,the ,sodomites scorned his offer4 ,they had a penchant for a different pleasure4 ,ravishing virgins was not in their line4 ,so they reviled ,lot for setting himself up as a judge amongst them1 called him fellow1 threatened to deal worse with him than with the strangers1 and actually pressed so sore upon him that they came near to break the door4 ,then the strangers manifested their power4 ,they put forth their hand1 and pulled ,lot into the house to them1 and shut too the door4 ,and they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness1 both small and great2 so that they wearied themselves to find the door4 ,however blind they were surely they might have found the door by feeling for it4 ,kalisch makes this episode more reasonable by substituting blind confusion for blindness4 ,the angels continued to act promptly4 ,they informed ,lot that they intended to destroy the place because of its sin1 and told him to gather all his family together and leave at once4 ,lot spoke to his sons-in-law1 which married his daughters1 but they appear to have thought him daft4 ,early in the morning the angels hastened ,lot who still lingered4 ,they laid hold of his hand1 his wife's1 and his two unmarried daughters'1 led them outside the city1 and said1 ,escape now for thy life2 look not behind thee1 neither stay thou in all the plain2 escape to the mountains lest thou be consumed4 ,lot did not relish this prospect of a hard climb4 ,he therefore asked the angels to let him flee unto the city of ,zoar1 because it was near and a little one4 ,that is what the servant girl said to her mistress when she produced an illegitimate child1 please 'm its only a very little one4 ,she thought that a small illegitimate baby wasn't as bad as a big illegitimate baby1 and ,lot thought that a little wicked city wasn't as bad as a big wicked city4 ,lot's request was granted1 and he was told to look sharp4 ,he made good speed1 and reached ,zoar when the sun was risen4 ,then the ,lord rained upon ,sodom and upon ,gomorrah brimstone and fire from the ,lord out of heaven2 and he overthrew those cities1 and all the plain1 and all the inhabitants of the cities1 and that which grew upon the ground4 ,it is a mistake to suppose that brimstone and fire are characteristic of hell1 for the ,lord evidently keeps a large stock of those commodities in heaven4 ,nor must it be supposed that ,lot was spared because he was righteous4 ,he was spared because the ,lord was merciful unto him4 ,his virtues1 ,kalisch remarks1 were not sufficient for his salvation1 which he owed to the piety of ,abraham4 ,abraham may have had piety enough to save a ,lot1 but he had scarcely virtue enough to save a mouse4 ,kalisch says that about the situation of ,zoar there remains little doubt4 ,he identifies it with the considerable ruins found in ,wady ,kerek1 on the eastern side of the ,dead ,sea4 ,but he has no such assurance as to the situation of ,sodom4 ,he deprecates ,de ,saulcy's assumption1 that ,sodom is traceable in the heap of stones found near the ,salt ,mountain1 ,udsum2 and adds--,we may hope rather than expect1 that authentic ruins of the four destroyed towns will ever be discovered4 ,biblical historians and prophets already speak of them as localities utterly and tracelessly swept away2 and the remark of ,josephus1 that 'shadows' of them still existed in his time1 is vague and doubtful4 ,in the ,south of ,palestine there is an extraordinary lake of mysterious origin4 ,it is about thirty-nine miles long1 and from eight to twelve miles broad4 ,it is fed by the river ,jordan1 and drained by the evaporation of a fierce and terrible sun4 ,its water is clear and inodorous1 but nauseous like a solution of alum2 it causes painful itching and even ulceration on the lips and if brought near a wound1 or any diseased part1 produces a most excruciating sensation4 ,it contains muriatic and sulphuric acid1 and one-fourth of its weight is salt4 ,no fishes live in it2 and according to tradition1 which however is not true1 birds that happen to fly over its surface die4 ,near it is said to grow the ,apple of ,sodom1 beautiful in appearance1 but containing only ashes4 ,this lake is appropriately called the ,dead ,sea4 ,the natives say that at low water they glimpse fragments of buildings and pillars rising out of the bottom of the lake4 ,but this is only a fancy4 ,yet beneath the waters of the ,dead ,sea are thought to lie the ,cities of the ,plain4 ,the northern part of the lake is very deep1 the southern part very shallow4 ,the bottom consists of two separate plains1 one elevated1 the other depressed4 ,the latter is by some held to be the original bottom of the lake1 and the former to have been caused by the destruction of ,sodom and ,gomorrah4 ,but this also is only a fancy4 ,the bitumen1 which is found in such large quantities in and near the lake1 is a symptom and remnant of the volcanic nature of the region4 ,several lines of earthquake are traced from it in a north-eastern direction2 and it is conjectured that the three lakes1 ,merom1 ,tiberias1 and ,asphaltites1 together with the river ,jordan1 are the remaining traces of the huge gulf once filled by the ,dead ,sea before the land was lifted by a geological catastrophe4 ,volcanic action has caused all the remarkable phenomena of the district1 which were of immemorial antiquity thousands of years ago2 and the story of the ,cities of the ,plain is only one of the legends which ancient peoples associated with every striking aspect of nature4 ,let us recur to ,lot4 ,his sons1 his married daughters1 and their husbands1 perished in the deluge of brimstone and fire4 ,he and his two unmarried daughters fled to ,zoar as fast as their legs could carry them4 ,but his wife was less fortunate4 ,she ran behind ,lot1 and with the natural curiosity of her sex she looked back on the doomed city4 ,for this violation of the angels' orders she was turned into a pillar of salt4 ,some commentators try to blink this unpleasant fact by artful translations2 such as she fell into a salt-brook1 or she was covered with a salt crust1 or she was like a pillar of salt4 ,josephus pretended to have seen this old woman of salt1 but others have been less lucky1 although many travellers and pilgrims have searched for it as for a sacred relic4 ,but let us not despair4 ,lot's wife may yet be discovered and exhibited in the ,british ,museum4 ,what became of ,lot and his daughters8 ,fearing to dwell in ,zoar1 they left it and dwelt in a cave4 ,the damsels1 who had heard their father offer them to the promiscuous embrace of a lustful crowd1 could not be expected to be very scrupulous in their conduct4 ,they were alone1 without husbands to make them mothers1 and to be childless was a calamity and a reproach2 so they put their heads together and devised a nasty scheme4 ,two nights successively they made their father blind drunk1 and got him to commit incest with them4 ,this is very beastly and very absurd4 ,lot was old2 he was so drunk that he knew nothing of what happened2 yet he got two virgins with child6 ,the porter in ,macbeth would have laughed at such a ridiculous story4 ,these improper females were by no means ashamed of their action2 on the contrary1 they boast of their bastards2 and the historian does not utter a word in condemnation of their crime4 ,lot was the father of his own grandchildren2 his daughters were the mothers of their own brothers2 and his other children were destroyed by heavenly brimstone and fire4 ,were they not1 as we said at the outset1 a queer lot8 ,but the queerest lot was ,lot's wife4 ,whatever may be said of the rest of the family1 no one can say that she was not worth her salt1 for the ,lord thought she was worth enough to make a pillar4 ,let us hope that the old lady will some day be 7un7covered1 and that her pillar of salt may yet1 to the confusion of sceptics1 stand as a veritable pillar in the house of ,god1 and there defy the attacks of all the infidel ,samsons1 world without end4 ,amen4